If you knew for sure that your ex still loved you, this breakup pain would be a little easier to manage.
On the other hand, if you knew for sure that your ex didn’t love you, it would make it a little bit easier for you to leave your ex behind and move on.
But the confusion that comes after the breakup makes it impossible to figure out the truth.
You start looking for signs that your ex loves you. Signs that they still have feelings for you. Signs that your ex boyfriend or your ex girlfriend still holds a place in their heart for you.
And the more you look, the more confusing things get. You start stalking them on Social Media and start asking mutual friends about them. You re-read all their messages to try to find something you missed before. You start overanalyzing their behavior.
And doing that is not going to help you get your ex back or to move on from the breakup. It’s just going to drive you crazy. How can it not when your ex sends so many mixed signals after the breakup?
For example,
They will like your status on Facebook and then Unfriend you.
They will text you when they are drunk but won’t pick up your calls the next day.
They will be sitting at your favorite coffee shop but won’t come and say hi to you.
They will start dating someone else but will get angry when they find out you started dating someone else.
The truth is your ex is hurt and probably confused about their feelings for you. Luckily, there are a few signs that will tell you whether or not your ex still loves you. But first let me make it clear that these signs do not mean that your ex wants to get back together. In fact, since you and your ex were in a meaningful relationship, I am sure that they still like you (or maybe even love you) and they still have strong feelings for you. But this does not mean that they want to get back together.
If you want to learn about your chances of getting back together, take this quiz (I’ve used my 12 years’ experience to design this quiz. It’s very accurate).
I am writing this article to help you remove the confusion and finally figure out if your ex still loves you. And in the process, give you some clarity about moving forward from this breakup.
Before we begin, I want you to take a moment to think about why you are reading this article.
Is it because you still love your ex and want to get him or her back?
If so, then I highly recommend you read some of the informative articles on our website. They are free to peruse and have helped millions of readers from across the globe.
How To Get Back Together With Your Ex – 5 Step Plan
How To Win Her Back – Game Plan in 5 Stages
And without any further delay, here are the signs that mean your ex still loves you ….
1. Your Ex Will Show Strong Emotions (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly)
Any kind of strong emotion from your ex is a sign that they have feelings for you. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the feeling. If your ex says they hate you, if they are angry at you, if they are extremely sad when they think about you, or if speaking to you makes them extremely irritated; it’s probably because they have intense feelings for you.
If you think about it, hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. If an ex shows any type of negative emotions for you (including anger and hatred), it’s because they are hurt. It’s because they had expectations that you didn’t meet. It’s because they are an emotional mess because of you.
But the truth is, they are only hurt because they love you. You broke their expectations because they have expectations from you. And the reason they are an emotional mess is because they still have feelings for you.
Think about it, why would someone spend so much time and energy into hating you or being angry at you? They broke up with you. Wouldn’t it be easier to just forget about you and move on? The reason they say they have these negative emotions for you is because they still have feelings for you. They just don’t want those feelings to be there, so they are confusing those feelings to be hatred or anger.
According to research done by Vivian Zayas, who is a professor at The department of psychology in University of Cornelle and Yuichi Shoda, Ph.D. who is a professor in the Department of Psychology in University of Washington, Bivalent-Priming is triggered by Significant Others. That means that your ex’s hatred towards you does not necessarily mean that they don’t love you.
Examples of your ex showing extreme emotions that is a sign that they still have strong feelings for you.
- Your ex saying things like they hate you, they wished they never met you or just being extremely mean.
- Saying things like they don’t care about you or that they don’t love you when they are angry.
- Screaming or shouting at you when you try to talk to them.
- Crying excessively during the breakup or when they speak to you on the phone after the breakup.
- Calling you when they are drunk confessing their love for you and talking about how much you have hurt them.
- Blocking you even though you have not been calling them.
- Telling your mutual friends how much they hate you or how much you have hurt them.
The hatred or the negative emotions your ex shows towards you is a sign that they still have feelings for you and probably still love you.
When Does an Ex Show These Extreme Emotions?
Extreme emotions are commonly seen immediately after a breakup. And as time goes by, the intensity of these emotions become less.
In a lot of cases, your ex will show extreme negative emotions when you start no contact. (Read about no contact rule here).
If your ex is showing extreme negative emotions even though it’s been a long time since the breakup (more than two months) and even after you have done no contact, then these extreme emotions are more than just a sign of your ex having feelings for you.
If it has been a few months and your ex is still showing extreme emotions, you should see it as a sign of your ex’s inability to process the breakup. If this is the case, it may be a good idea to try to understand why they have such extreme emotions towards you by talking about it.
What You Should Do?
If your ex is showing extreme emotions, the best thing to do is to give them some space and time to process it. There isn’t much you can do to help them calm down. Besides, if you are feeling needy or desperate to get your ex back, you can use some space and time yourself to heal and become more confident. The best way to give your ex (and yourself) some space and time is to start the no contact rule.
If your ex is still showing extreme emotions even after you have given them some space and time, then it’s better to try to address the issue that’s causing them so much anger or hurt. You may have said or done something that your ex is finding it hard to let go. In such cases, I usually recommend my clients to try to understand what they did to hurt their ex and apologize for it the right way.
I have created a free report that lists some 5 common messages that have helped my clients break down the walls of an ex and get them to start talking again. Download the 5 Texts That May Help Your Ex Let Go of Extreme Emotions and Open Up To You.
2. Your Ex is Being Hot and Cold (Push/Pull Behavior from Your Ex)
If your ex is cold one minute and hot the other, then you can be sure they have feelings for you. They will pull away and won’t talk to you for weeks, and then suddenly push to spend time with you. They will ignore your calls and then start calling you every day. They will stop responding to your texts and then start texting you randomly. (Read more about texting an ex here.)
This behavior simply means that they are confused about their feelings for you. Their heart is still in love with you but they are trying to convince themselves that they should stay broken up. They miss you and want to spend time with you, but they are stopping themselves because they think you are not good for them.
Here are a few examples of your ex being hot and cold that mean your ex still has feelings for you
- Calling you all of a sudden after ignoring you for days.
- Being kind and understanding followed by being unreasonable and rude.
- Speaking about you with friends in a way that feels they respect you and still care about you. But later on, speaking about you in a way that feels like they don’t care about you and you didn’t mean anything to them.
- They reply to you immediately when you text them but then take days to reply you back
- When you pull back and stop contacting them, they start calling you. But when you are warm towards them, they start pulling back and ignoring you.
When To Expect Hot and Cold Behavior From an Ex?
This hot and cold behavior is common immediately after the breakup. But if your ex is exhibiting such hot and cold behavior even after weeks or months of the breakup, then it’s a strong sign that they still have feelings for you and probably love you.
Note that this hot and cold behavior is also common when your ex is dating someone else or is thinking about dating someone else. If there is another man or a woman in the picture, your ex will occasionally become hot and cold with you.
What To Do If Your Ex Is Being Hot and Cold?
If your ex is cold, be cool. If your ex is warm, be confident. The most important thing is to not let your ex’s hot and cold behavior get to you. Don’t let it turn you into a needy or desperate person. The fact is, hot and cold behavior from your ex can affect you mentally and emotionally. So if you feel it’s affecting you, you are not ready to speak to your ex and you should start no contact as soon as possible.
If you suspect that your ex’s hot and cold behavior is a result of them dating (or thinking about dating) someone else. Don’t fret. Their new relationship will most likely be a rebound. Read the following articles to understand rebound relationships and what to do about it.
Everything You Need To Know About Rebound Relationships
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back From Another Woman
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back From Her New Boyfriend
3. Your Ex Showing Off on Social Media
If you and your ex had any kind of meaningful relationship, then it is only reasonable that they will grieve the breakup and the end of the relationship.
If your ex is showing off on social media and it feels a bit unusual, then it’s a sign that they are hurting from the breakup. They are most likely doing it for you to see. And that means they are thinking about you.
A few examples of your ex showing off and being competitive on social media
- Your ex posting more pictures/videos on Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat than they usually do.
- They post quotes that may seem like they are indirectly talking about you.
- They post photos with people that they know will make you jealous.
- It seems like they are making an effort to look happier than they actually are on social media.
If your ex was the one who initiated the breakup and you see your ex being all happy on social media only a couple of days after the breakup, then your mind may just jump to the conclusion that your ex no longer loves you and they are already over you.
You may even start thinking that your ex never really loved you because they seem extremely happy on their social media. But just because they seem happy on social media doesn’t necessarily mean they are.
In fact, the opposite is more likely to be true. According to Dr. Ali Jazayeri, associate professor of clinical psychology at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology’s L.A. Campus, the world that you see on social media is not true, it’s a creation of people. “Some people use this social media to create something they are not”, he says.
Your ex may just be creating an image on social media that he or she wants to portray to you. Perhaps they are doing it to get a reaction out of you or perhaps they are doing it because they want to escape from the breakup grief.
You should not let your ex’s social media activity fool you into thinking that your ex has moved on and that they no longer have feelings for you.
If your ex’s social media activity feels unusual or if it feels like they are doing it to make you jealous, then it’s a sign that your ex is still thinking about you and probably still loves you.
When Is This Sign Most Commonly Seen?
This sign is most common seen when you start no contact with an ex. If you have been contacting your ex and you suddenly stop contacting them, your ex may start posting things on social media to get a reaction out of you.
If you see some unusual activity on your ex’s social media after you start no contact, it’s most likely a sign that your ex misses you and still has feelings for you.
But this does not mean that they want to get back together or that you should end no contact and reach out to them.
What Should You Do?
It’s very important that you continue no contact and focus on your own healing and growth. If you’ve read my plan on getting an ex back, the only way to have a healthy and a long-lasting relationship is to grow as a person and reach out to them when you are ready.
4. Your Ex Is Trying to Make You Jealous.
An obvious sign that means your ex still loves you is when they are trying to make you jealous. If an ex is trying to make you jealous, it means that they still care a lot about how you feel, and they hope to get a reaction out of you.
Here are a few examples of an ex trying to make you jealous.
- They suddenly start posting pictures with the opposite sex on social media.
- They post pictures with someone they know you are jealous of. This could be girl that your ex boyfriend knew you didn’t like. OR the guy at work your ex girlfriend always knew you were insecure about.
- If they notice you are around, they start flirting with people so you can see.
- If you are on talking terms with your ex, they may talk to you about their dating life as if it’s not a big deal.
In most cases, an ex trying to make you jealous is a sign that they still have feelings for you (aside from being immature).
According to research done by Weinstein, J. L. and colleagues, most people choose emotional cheating as a strategy to induce jealousy in their partners. Keeping this in mind, if your ex is still in love with you, and they are trying to make you jealous, they probably won’t get physical with the person they are using to make you jealous.
When Should You Expect This Sign?
An ex will most likely try to make you jealous when they are expecting you to chase them but you don’t. If they are expecting you to call them or do something needy or desperate; but you don’t do any of those things, they may do or say things to make you jealous.
In a lot of cases, people tend to be needy or clingy towards their ex after an unwanted breakup. And a lot of times, your ex may get used to that neediness or desperation from you. But when you pull away, they feel a vacuum in their life. They feel the pain that comes with a breakup. And they may resort to trying to make you jealous to get a reaction out of you. To make you needy or desperate again. Just so they can say to themselves, “Yeah, I can still have my ex if I want.”
According to research done by Amy A. Fleischmann and colleagues, some people try to make their partners jealous to “engage in compensatory behavior to enhance the relationship.” In other words, people intentionally try to make their partners jealous so their partners take some action that will make them feel secure about their relationship.
When an ex intentionally tries to induce jealous, it’s for a similar reason. They want you to do something so they feel secure in knowing that you still have feelings for them.
While your ex trying to make you jealous can be seen as a sign that they still have feelings for you, it’s more of a sign that your ex wants you to have feelings for them. They just want to know that they can have you if they decide to come back. It doesn’t necessary mean that they want to get back together.
What Should You Do?
If you feel your ex trying to make you jealous, I recommend you don’t respond to it at all. Instead, just keep focusing on yourself and do no contact (if you haven’t been doing it already). Your mind may panic because of your ex’s actions but it’s okay.
You should try to be mindful about your thoughts and the feelings that arise within you and remind yourself that your ex trying to make you panic does not really mean they will move on. In fact, it most likely means that they are having a hard time moving on.
5. Immature Behavior from Your Ex
Is your ex trying to make you jealous? Do they post pictures on Facebook specifically to push your buttons? Are they going out of their way so that you know that they are dating someone new? Do they become extra flirtatious with other people when you are around? Then congratulations, your ex is probably still in love with you (aside from being a little immature).
If your ex says or does things that are quite obviously immature, then it’s a sign that they are not over you and are perhaps not in a healthy state of mind.
This is, of course, assuming that your ex wasn’t immature from the beginning. If your ex has a history of being immature, then them being immature after the breakup doesn’t really mean anything.
But if your ex has been a relatively reasonable person and they suddenly start acting immature after the breakup, then it’s a sign that they are not over you and that they probably still have strong feelings for you.
The previous two signs (trying to make you jealous and showing off on social media) are an example of your ex acting immature. But there could be many more things that fall under this category of signs.
Some of the immature behavior that your ex shows (that means they still love you) may include,
- Being competitive. For example, trying to show that they have moved on before you or that they started dating someone else before you.
- Showing off their new (possibly rebound) relationship or the fact that they are going out on dates.
- Getting angry at little things you say or do.
- Holding grudges even after you have apologized for your mistakes.
- Communicating through friends or work colleagues in a way that feels childish or unreasonable.
- Playing mind games to try and get a reaction out of you.
When to Expect Immature Behavior from Your Ex?
Your ex may seem very reasonable and mature at the time of breakup but become immature and unreasonable as time goes by. This usually happens when you start no contact or when they start feeling like you will move on from them.
Your ex may suddenly become unreasonable when you apologize to them for any mistakes you made. Or your ex may become immature when they find out you went on a date with someone.
In a lot of cases, your ex may do things that seem immature or childish when you stop contacting them.
In most cases, your ex’s immature behavior means that they still love you and they still have feelings for you. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to get back together.
It’s also important to note that just because your ex is acting immature after the breakup does not necessarily mean they are an immature person. A lot of people act childish or in an immature manner when they face feelings that they are not used to, or they are not expecting.
However, if your ex continues this immature behavior for a very long time, or if you realize that they have always been immature, then you should seriously reconsider your desire to get back with them.
What To Do If Your Ex is Being Immature?
The best way to handle immaturity is to be mature yourself. But it’s going to be very hard if you are still hurting from the breakup and can’t think straight. So as always, I recommend that you take some time and space away from your ex and focus on healing from the breakup.
If your ex’s immature behavior is making it difficult to focus and heal from the breakup, it’s best to cut them off from everywhere. That means remove them social media, stop picking up their calls, asking mutual friends to stop talking about them and making sure you don’t run into them at places you both visit.
If you are past that stage (that means you have done no contact and are in a better emotional state), and you are in contact with your ex, but still find their immature behavior hard to deal with, here are a few tips that will help you.
Set clear boundaries – Immature behavior from your ex may have an adverse effect on your mental or emotional health if you don’t set clear and healthy boundaries with them. You may be hesitant to set clear boundaries with your ex if you are trying to get them back. But remember that healthy relationships have healthy boundaries.
Communicate Clearly and Honestly – Clear and Honest Communication is one of the keys to a healthy relationship. And if you want to get back with your ex, you should strive to get back in a healthy relationship.
If your ex is being immature, you should try your best to communicate with them clearly and honestly. You should explain your intentions honestly without being needy or desperate. If you are calm and honest consistently, your ex may realize they are being immature and try to communicate honestly as well.
Here are a few resources that talk more about dealing with immature people and setting boundaries.
Why it’s important to set healthy boundaries and how to do it – Healthline.
How to Deal With Emotionaly Immature People – WebMD
Consider Cutting them off if things don’t change – In some cases, your ex may continue being immature or unreasonable even after you have set clear boundaries and communicated honestly. They may continue to cross your boundaries or continue to play mind games with you. If that’s the case, you should consider cutting them off completely because continuing speaking to them may not be a healthy decision for you. If you are not sure that cutting your ex off is the right decision for you, consider speaking to a therapist or hiring a coach from Ex Back Permanently.
6. Their New Relationship Isn’t great
One of the signs that mean your ex still loves you could be the quality of their new relationship. After a breakup, some people get into a rebound to try to fill the vacuum that is created in their life because of the breakup. An ex may think that getting into a new relationship will ease up the pain of the breakup.
But a lot of rebound relationships end because your ex simply isn’t ready for a new relationship. In a lot of cases, rebound relationships aren’t very healthy and they end sooner or later.
You can gauge your ex’s feeling for you based on their new relationship. Here are a few signs that mean your ex still loves you based on their new relationship.
- They get into a rebound relationship too fast.
- They post a lot of photos and status messages about their new girlfriend or new boyfriend on social media.
- It’s obvious that your ex wants you to know about their new relationship.
- It seems that your ex is trying to make you jealous by showing off their new boyfriend or new girlfriend.
- You hear from mutual friends that your ex is not happy in their new relationship.
- They start contacting you once the honeymoon phase of their new relationship dies down.
When To Expect These Signs?
Signs such as your ex trying to make you jealous or them showing off their new relationship are also a sign of immaturity and there is a good chance you will notice these signs soon after the breakup or when you start no contact with your ex.
But the signs that are more straightforward, such as your ex contacting you even while being in a new relationship or you finding out about your ex not being happy from mutual friends, will only reveal themselves once the honeymoon phase of the rebound relationship is over.
What to do When You See These Signs from Your Ex?
If your ex is in a rebound relationship and they are being immature about it, it’s best to just ignore their immaturity, start no contact and focus on healing from the breakup.
But if your ex is showing signs that they still love you once the honeymoon phase of their new relationship is over, then it may be a good idea to speak to them honestly and openly about your feelings. However, don’t just declare your love to them without thinking it through. Here are a few articles to help you figure out what to do.
Rebound Relationships – Everything You Need To Know About Them
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If She Is Dating Someone Else
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend If He is in a Rebound Relationship
Remember, it’s never a good idea to get back in a relationship with your ex unless they have broken up with their new boyfriend or girlfriend. If you are getting back with your ex, make sure the new relationship is built on a solid foundation.
7. Your Ex Continues Tradition/Habits With You
There may be certain traditions or habits that your ex may maintain even after the breakup. The fact that your ex refuses to let go of these traditions or habits mean that they still have strong feelings for you.
Here are a few examples of your ex maintaining traditions/habits that probably mean they still have feelings for you.
- Saying goodnight every night without fail.
- Maintaining a streak on Snapchat.
- Continue playing an online game with you even though they have no reason to.
- Keeping you updated on certain aspects of their life (such as their career or personal relationships) even after breakup.
- Reaching out to you whenever they need emotional support.
When to Expect This Sign?
Your ex may continue such traditions/habits immediately after the breakup because it’s hard to change such habits easily. But if they are doing it even though it has been more than two weeks of the breakup, it means that they still have strong feelings for you.
What Should You Do?
If you are in constant contact with your ex because you have been following some tradition/habit that you followed during your relationship, then you are still holding on to your ex and the hope that you will eventually get back together. You are not really doing no contact if you are in touch with your ex constantly, even if it’s just a streak on Snapchat.
It’s important to let go of your ex and cut them off for a while so you can focus on yourself and fully accept the breakup. It may sound counterintuitive if you want to get your ex back, but this is the best way to heal from the breakup. And in my experience, it’s important to accept the breakup and heal from it before you make a decision to get back with your ex.
Recommended Reading: Should I Get Back With My Ex – 6 Steps To Find Out
8. Things Between You and Your Ex Get Progressively Better with Time
The most important sign of your ex still having feelings for you is a gradual improvement in your interactions over time. This is evident if there is an increase in their communication (texts or phone calls), affection, and desire to meet up.
In my experience, this is the sign that matters most if you are thinking about getting your ex back.
As time goes by, people move on from their breakups and the past relationship.
But if your relationship with your ex was truly special, if the connection you both shared was very strong, if the physical attraction you had for each other was very intense; then time won’t be able to erase your ex’s feelings for you easily.
In fact, as time goes by, your ex will realize that the connection they had with you was special and they may start doing things that will make it very obvious that they still have feelings for you.
Here are some examples of things getting progressively better with time that is a sign that your ex still loves you.
- Your ex not wanting to speak to you at all >>> Speaking with you occasionally >>> Speaking with you regularly.
- Your ex not replying to your texts for days >>> Your ex replying to your texts almost immediately >>> Your ex initiating texts with you regularly
- Your ex unfollowing you on social media sites such as Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook etc. >>> Your Ex following you again on Social Media >>> Your Ex starting to like your posts regularly
- Your ex refusing to meet up with you >>> Your ex agreeing to meetup with you for a group activity >>> Your ex agreeing to meetup with you as friends >>> Your ex agreeing to go on a date.
- Your ex not initiating contact with you unless you initiate >>> Your ex initiating contact occasionally >>> Your ex asking you to meetup or come over to their house.
When To Expect This Sign?
The only way to interpret this sign is to be patient and notice your ex’s behavior over time. The key here is to be patient. It’s important not to obsess over this. Remember, your emotional and mental health is more important than any sign of your ex loving you.
These signs will become clear as you do no contact and focus on yourself. They will become even more clear when you start speaking to your ex after no contact.
What Should You Do?
In a lot of cases, you will have to make the right moves to help progress your relationship with your ex. For example, your ex may never reach out to you if you are doing no contact and you keep waiting for them.
This is why I recommend you reach out to your ex whenever you think you are ready to speak to them. If they are comfortable speaking with you, start speaking more often and eventually ask them out.
If your ex still has feelings for you, they will be receptive of your advances. If not, they will become cold or aloof.
Progress with your ex may be slow, but as long as there is progress, you still have a chance of getting them back. It’s important to not be heavily invested in getting your ex back because the slow progress may take a toll on your mental health.
Why Does an Ex Keep Loving You Even After a Breakup?
People can continue to have feelings for their ex partners after a breakup or divorce. It’s completely normal for these feelings to linger because human beings can’t shut down their feelings on demand.
The simple fact is, they were used to loving you for a long time, and they continue doing it after the breakup because that’s what their mind, their body and their heart is used to doing.
They continue caring for you, they continue missing you when you are not around and they continue feeling the love they have felt for you since you both started dating. It doesn’t go away easily. It doesn’t go away immediately. But it does go away eventually.
Moreover, the things that your ex found attractive in you when you first started dating (such as your looks, your confidence, your personality, your achievements etc.) probably still make them attracted to you. However, after a breakup exes are more focused on the negative things that lead to the breakup rather than the positive things that attracted them to you.
An ex is specially likely to still love you even months after the breakup if they don’t process their emotions, they don’t grieve the breakup and they don’t heal emotionally.
For certain situation an ex will continue loving you for months or even years because the connection they felt with you was truly special. This is usually the case if both of you were certain that you were perfect for each other. If they try dating someone else and don’t find that type of connection with them, the feeling they have for you and the longing they feel will only become stronger.
In some cases, your ex may have had many amazing experiences with you which affected them in a profound way and as a result, a part of them may always love you.
For a few cases, your ex may continue to have feelings for you even after they have moved on from the breakup. But these feelings are usually more of a respect and admiration sort rather than romantic feelings.
There are some relationships with an unhealthy push/pull dynamics that keep couples in love with each other even after a breakup. This type of push/pull behavior is usually a result of unhealthy on/off cycle and these couples breakup and get back together several times. While such couples feel like they love each other even after the breakup, their love doesn’t lead to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. The longer such relationships continue this cycle, the more stressful it becomes for both lovers.
What Can You Do To Make Your Ex Continue Loving You?
To keep it simple, the best thing you can do to is to give them space and not try to influence them. It’s true absence makes the heart grow fonder. But after a breakup it becomes even more important to let the your ex’s heart do it’s thing.
If you try to influence your ex’s emotions by calling them, trying to convince them or manipulate them; then your ex will just put up emotional walls around the idea of loving you and they will intentionally try to stop themselves from loving you.
But if you give them space and time, their heart might just grow fonder of you.
For a more detailed plan on what to do and what not to do, read How To Make Your Ex Love You Again – 5 Step Plan or How To Win Her Back By Leveling Up
What Makes an Ex Stop Loving You?
The thing that stops people from loving each other after a breakup is time apart. As you both spend time apart and try to move on, you will both stop missing each other, stop longing for each other and stop feeling the romantic love you had for each other.
It’s also important to note that if your ex processes their feelings properly, try to learn from the breakup and realize that the relationship was not good for them; they will stop loving you and move on.
But if the relationship you both had was real and you felt something special, a part of them will always have feelings for you.
In addition, pestering your ex about getting back together, trying to influence their thoughts through manipulation, being needy or desperate and not respecting their boundaries makes exes stop loving you.
How Long Does It Take For an Ex To Stop Loving You and Move On?
It can take up 6-12 months to move on from a breakup. For some, it can take more than 12 months. And some people never stop loving their ex.
It depends on the situation. The factors that affect the timeline of your ex moving on are
- The length of your relationship
- The type of your relationship. (was it an intense relationship? Was it a healthy relationship?)
- The experiences you and your ex shared together. (Was it unique to both of you?)
- The growth you both experienced as individuals and couple.
- The way you both supported each other.
- The way you both showed love to each other.
- The way your ex decides to heal from the breakup and move on.
Why Does It Feel Like My Ex Moved On Immediately After The Breakup?
Your ex may have actually moved on or they may just be pretending they have moved on. Here are a few reasons that explain this
- Your ex may have decided to breakup a long time ago and as a result they may have started to move on before the breakup even happened. If they mentally stopped seeing you as a romantic partner for a long time, the breakup may have been easy to accept.
- Your ex may actually be pretending to get over you. Some people do this because they want to show the world they have moved on or because they are lying to themselves. Some apply the “fake it till you make it” principal to breakups.
- Your ex may be afraid that if you find out that they still have feelings for you, you will try to convince them to get back together. As a result, they may just be extra careful around you to not give you any ammunition to work with. This is usually the case if you have been needy or desperate after the breakup.
Can Your Ex Love You Again After They Move On?
Absolutely. Your ex fell in love with you once. And they can fall in love with you again. Many couples breakup and get back together months or years later. Remember the story of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck getting back together? They were apart for 18 years and they both fell in love with other people during that time.
I have also seen a lot of cases of my clients getting back together after one, or both of them moved on. One of my client, who was apart from her ex boyfriend for more than 15 months, got back together when they ran into each other at a local health food store. Here’s her story
But there is always a resistance towards getting back with an ex because things didn’t work out once. However, there is also an advantage because your ex is already familiar with what could go wrong. And if you both can address those issues and are sure they can be fixed, your new relationship will be stronger than ever before.
Reader Experience: Katie and Max Fall In Love With Each Other Again
Source: Reader Emails
The reason we both broke up in the first place was the way we fought. I was a classic anxious attachment style and he was a classic avoidant. I would fight tooth and nails for the relationship, to save our love and he would just withdraw. He decided to breakup because he didn’t want to hurt me anymore.
I tried getting him back. Did no contact. Didn’t bother him. Reached out after few weeks. Texted for a week. Got him on a phone call. Shared my progress and asked him if he wanted to give it another shot. He said no. He wasn’t ready. He still blamed himself for hurting me. He wasn’t ready for a committed relationship.
I tried to make him see logic. But he wouldn’t. He had this wall that was impossible for him to cross over.
I stopped contacting him and just focused on myself. I wouldn’t say I gave up on him because a part of me still loved him. But I gave up trying. He didn’t contact me and I didn’t contact him either. For more than a year. We both moved on in our own ways and dated other people. It was over for the both of us.
Until it wasn’t.
When we ran into each other, he was wearing my favorite color. Turquoise. And we both just couldn’t stop smiling when we saw each other. It was as if we were both secretly hoping to eventually run into each other.
I don’t know if we both subconsciously chose that spot hoping to see each other, or it was purely an accident. But it happened. And we decided to meet and catch up for coffee. This time, he asked me out. There was no resistance from him. There wasn’t a wall he’d put up to stop me from reaching to him. He was open. And he was excited.
When we met for the date, it was surreal. We knew each other for years but it felt brand new. Like we were both completely different people. I guess the self-care work I have been doing paid off. This time, he shared about the work he has been doing and he explained why he wasn’t ready before. He wasn’t afraid of commitment anymore. And I was single. So it worked out. 🙂
Recommended Reading: Should I Get Back With My Ex? – 3 Case Studies and 7 Questions To Ask
Recommended Reading: What Second Chance Couples Know About Love – The Atlantic
If My Ex Loves Me, Why Don’t They Come Back?
Your ex probably has a lot of emotional walls put up around the idea of getting back with you. Breakup is a hard decision for both the dumper and the dumpee. And it’s not easy to convince oneself of going back on that decision. Even if a part of your ex wants you back and even if they still love you, they probably have a lot of resistance towards the idea of getting back together.
And the best thing you can do is focus on self-improvement and try your best to fix the issues that may have lead to the breakup. For a lot of people, these issues include low self-esteem, bad communication patterns and inability to set clear boundaries. A lot of my clients were able to get their ex back when they worked on these issues.
Recommended Reading: 9 Signs Your Ex Will Come Back
Recommended Reading: Will He Come Back? A Detailed Analysis
Recommended Reading: 8 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back But Won’t Admit It
Recommended Reading: Should I Wait For My Ex To Come Back?
I Keep Wondering If I Meant Anything To My Ex. What Should I Do?
Our mind has a tendency to overanalyse everything after a painful breakup. Sometimes we ruminate over what happened, and sometimes we obsess over what may happen.
If your ex doesn’t love you now, it doesn’t mean they never loved you. Moreover, your ex loving you does not define your self-worth. You define your self-worth.
You can stop these constant thoughts by focusing on self-care and self-improvement activities such as meditation, journaling, practicing gratitude, and processing the breakup in a structured way. I write more about this in my article on how to stop thinking about your ex.
I Still Love My Ex. Why and What Should I Do?
You may still love your ex because you are still grieving the breakup and are healing from it. In addition, you may feel your relationship was truly special, or your personality may make it harder for you to stop loving your ex.
In essence, we are naturally programmed by evolution to continue loving an ex after a breakup. But it gets better with time. You should spend time doing self-care activities and self-improvement activities. In addition, you should consider getting therapy to if it feels like you are not making any improvement.
Recommended Reading: I Still Love My Ex – How To Cope and What To Do With This Love.
If We Both Still Love Each Other, Should We Get Back Together?
Not necessarily and not always. Remember, love may linger after a breakup for months because of several reason. That does not mean that your relationship deserves another chance. It doesn’t mean you will both live happily ever after if you get back together.
However, if it has been a few months since the breakup, and you both still have strong feelings for each other, then I recommend you both try to get back together. The keyword being TRY. Don’t commit to each other. Just talk about things and see if the issues that lead to the breakup can be resolved.
Recommended Reading: Should I Get Back With My Ex? – 3 Case Studies and 7 Questions To Ask
How To Get Back Together if Your Ex Loves You?
If you are sure your ex loves you, then you should speak to them about it. A good way to do it is
- Ask them to meet up and discuss how you both feel.
- Talk about the things you have learned in your time apart.
- Talk about how you have changed and become a better person.
- Listen to their perspective of the breakup and what they have learned.
- Talk about how things will be different this time after getting back together.
- Talk about what you both would need to do to make it work this time.
Recommended Reading: How To Get Back Together With Your Ex Using Communication, Respect and Honesty?
Conclusion
Your ex may not give you obvious signs that they still have feelings for you, but it’s possible to interpret how they feel by taking a step back and analyzing their behavior from a neutral perspective.
But even if your ex loves you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they want you back or that they will eventually come back. In fact, there is a good chance your ex will have feelings for you for months following the breakup. If you and your ex had a meaningful relationships, those feelings don’t just go away soon.
If you want your ex back, it’s a good idea to proactive about it rather than just hoping that your ex has feelings for you or that they will eventually come back. Reading the in-depth articles on our website will give you a clear path to follow as you try to navigate this painful breakup.
References:
1. Zayas V, Shoda Y. Love You? Hate You? Maybe It’s Both: Evidence That Significant Others Trigger Bivalent-Priming. Social Psychological and Personality Science. 2015;6(1):56-64. doi:10.1177/1948550614541297
2. https://www.thechicagoschool.edu/insight/from-the-magazine/a-virtual-life/
3. Weinstein, J. & Wade, T. (2011). Jealousy Induction Methods, Sex, and the Big-5 Personality Dimensions. Psychology, 2, 517-521. doi: 10.4236/psych.2011.25080.
4. Fleischmann AA, Spitzberg BH, Andersen PA, Roesch SC. Tickling the monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2005;22(1):49-73. doi:10.1177/0265407505049321
5. https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-therapy – Alex Klein, PsyD
6. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries – Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD and Jennifer Chesak
7. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-emotional-immaturity – Dan Brennan, MD
8. On–Off Relationship Instability and Distress Over Time in Same‐ and Different‐Sex Relationships
My ex girlfriend broke up with me two and a half weeks ago, I haven't spoken with her since. We broke up because she thought I was too needy and she wasn't sure if I was the one for her.
She also said that she didn't love me anymore. I find this hard to believe, I moved to Germany for her and we have almost always been happy.
We have been dating for over two years.
She hasn't tried contacting me but she has posted stupid statuses like "Some people think that holding on makes them stronger, but sometimes letting go does" and then a week later she posted "Life sucksss" and she has been posting these pictures of her and friends but in each picture she gradually looks sadder and sadder.
Her mother keeps liking my stuff when I post on Facebook (I've been traveling around Europe since the breakup).
This stuff is all very confusing to me.
I am going to keep doing no contact because I have been feeling a lot better about myself recently and I think it may be getting to her but I am not certain. I really don't know what to expect out of this situation.
I do want her back in my life but I want them on my terms. I want her to want me back and not for me to ask for her back. I feel like I have been doing all the right things. Just what do I do next....
Hi Bill,
These signs of her posting status messages make it quite obvious that she still has feelings for you. The photos as well.
You have been doing well by continuing no contact and I agree with your strategy. You should only get back together on your terms. However, you should be wary of playing the "who contacts who first" game.
If you feel you have healed enough and you still want her back, reach out to her. Maybe you both will realize that getting back together is the right choice for you. Or, you will realize that she hasn't grown at all since the breakup and you are better off without her.
In either case, you have nothing to lose if you have healed enough and have the right mindset.
I'm trying to figure out if I have a chance left, he has started dating someone new, blocked me from Facebook. It has already been 30 days no contact. He will respond to my texts but nothing more, he shows a lot of indifference towards me--no emotion at all.
Hey Angela,
Him being cold and indifferent is a sign that he doesn't care about you enough and has probably lost feelings for you. There is also a chance he just needs more space and time before he can even consider speaking to you as a friend again.
The best thing to do here is to do no contact for another 60 days. If you still want him back after that, reach out to him.
hey kevin,my ex and me has broke up for 3 months..
when i ask him to be back with me.. he says no, hes happier without me.. but then, when his mom talk about me with him he says that he feels like he dont click because we used to have a lot if fight.. but im willing to change, i seriously love him.. but then, from his mom story when she ask about me hes like being quiet and seems sad.. what should i do..
Follow the 5 step plan.
My ex and I haven't talked in just over a year, when all of a sudden she started texting me. We met for lunch the other day and there was a lot of chemistry. I've never loved anyone as much as her, and I would do anything for her.
I know she still loves me, but I don't want to get too excited only to be disappointed. I don't know what to do next, but I still don't initiate communication. I make sure she calls or texts me first. Please give advice. Thanks
Hey Tyler,
I don't think you should worry about who initiates first. I have had clients who regret not initiating when they wanted. If you want to talk to her and she is being warm, initiate texting or call her when you feel like it. Be confident, be honest and don't do anything needy or manipulative that may push her away.
My ex and I have been in no contact for a month. We ended well - with respect. He texted me saying that I was a “bright light in his life for a number of years” I didn’t respond (3 weeks after the breakup). And today, he msged my friend to ask how I was doing. And she replied that I was “she’s doing amazing, she’s got new things lined up for her soon”. And he replied with a thumbs up. What does this mean? I shouldn’t reach out right? Remain in no contact?
Since it has been a month, you could consider reaching out if you're ready, considering that he has started thinking about you recently which would mean that he should respond positively to you at the very least.
Hi Kevin, my situation is with a guy who first became my best friend but had a girlfriend at that time. Inspite of that he will talk to me every day and we developed a very strong strange spiritual bond. It was like almost everything is same between us, our experiences, our choices, our likes and dislikes everything.
Then one day we met and he just confessed that he is in love with me. I was shocked but then I responded positively to that but one thing we both didn’t realise at that time was that he already has a girlfriend. He said he will break up with her but he needs time as he doesn’t want to hurt her bad. I agreed to give him time to that.
Time passed and things kept getting twisted and fast forward to one year. The situation is still same . He says he loves me but due to family issues and his own moral issues he is not able to breakup with her and I am just waiting and suffering terribly. Now recently he said that he wants to give up on me and do the right thing for her as he is not able to handle the situation anymore.
Please tell me what should I do in this situation. I do love him and I know he does too but how do I make him realise that he should choose otherwise?
Hi Shafaq,
I am sorry to hear that you have been suffering in this situation for so long. It's very clear that he will not be able to give you a relationship. And as such, you should respect yourself and cut any contact with him.
You can't make him realize that he should choose otherwise. He can only realize it on his own. In fact, the choices he is making are based on his upbringing and cultural values. And you can't influence his choice. The only thing you can do is remove yourself from his life. And if he feels like the love he has for you is worth it, he will come back. If you don't hear from him in 3 months, then you should give up on him and move on.
I don't understand why he is so angry and mean to me. He lost his temper over nothing. Then I found out about another girl (many years ago and we where in a different phase) plus drug use. I haven't said anything awful just that I wanted to be left alone. He had already told me he hates me and to burn in hell (seriously? ) but keeps contacting me. He is angry every time he texts. I told him how destroyed I was feeling and nothing. Just anger. So I said it was all too much and I just wanted to be left alone. (Which BTW is one of his signature phrases so I thought it was good to put it that way). And he keeps saying hurtful things. He is so angry. I cannot believe the lack of empathy in him. Like I told him the new info broke my heart. And he ends with "leave me alone too then I didn't really want to see you anyway". (I have been leaving him alone. Although not ignoring him when he messages. ). I'm so confused. Why is he being mean to me ??
Hey Pam,
Ignore him when he messages. He will go through phases of anger, neediness, desperation and perhaps will go overboard to try to make you jealous and hurt you more. But he will eventually calm down.
If you want, you can warn him beforehand that you will be doing this. Tell him that you need space and time and if he messages or contacts you again, you will ignore him. And if you feel the need to do so, you are free to block him as well.
Hello Kevin
my ex and I broke up two days ago, he said he felt no longer comfortable with me because I got upset easily. Comfort is what matters the most for him in a relationship. He's currently doing an undergraduate thesis, and I'm afraid because of his business he won't miss me :(
I also followed your NC rule, but it's still been 2 days.
However he updated a status that he thanked God that he's ever been with me.
Is this another sign of a chance that I can take him back?
Or he just tried to be just friends with me by saying good things?
Please answer I literally want my ex back with me :( thank you so much
His status message is a sign that he misses you. In most cases, being busy doesn't stop people from missing an ex. Especially when it's so soon after a breakup.
However, it doesn't necessarily mean you can or you should try to get back together. I recommend you continue no contact for a few weeks and really contemplate if you should get back together.