Rebound Relationships complicate the process of getting your ex back. I usually tell my readers and my clients that they should not worry about your ex’s rebound because the relationship will most likely end soon. But the truth is, it’s extremely hard to not panic when you find out your ex is in a new relationship.
How can you not panic knowing that your ex is in someone else’ arm?
When you know your ex is getting close to someone else while you are here waiting, doing nothing, doing no contact?
When you know your ex can be kissing their new partner this very moment?
When you know they could be having sex with their rebound this very moment?
How do you deal with that?
I am writing this article to help those who are going through this right now. I will answer pretty much every question you may have about your ex and his or her rebound. I am going to teach you exactly what to do if you find out your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend is in a rebound. I am going to teach you how to get your ex back if they are in a rebound. I am going to teach you how to interpret the signs of a rebound relationship and what are some of the common patterns of a rebound relationship. And I am going to teach you how to stop panicking when your ex is in a rebound relationship.
- Rebound Relationships – Definition and Research
- Why Your Ex Started a Rebound Relationship?
- Signs and Common Patterns of a Rebound Relationship
- Signs a Rebound Relationship Will End
- What NOT TO DO if your Ex is in a Rebound Relationship
- Exactly What To Do If Your Ex Is In a Rebound Relationship
What Is a Rebound Relationship?
A rebound relationship is a relationship that is started shortly after a breakup. The term “rebound” in rebound relationship means that you are still recovering from your romantic breakup and you started a new relationship before you could fully recover.
Most relationship experts and mental health professionals agree that rebound relationships are unhealthy and are an ineffective way to heal from a breakup.
However, some studies suggest that there may be some benefits to a rebound relationship. Although, most of these studies have limitations that we will discuss below.
Here is what studies have found so far about rebound relationships.
a) A rebound relationship can help improve the self–esteem of a person. If your ex is in a rebound relationship, then they will not be lonely, and they will not feel insecure about themselves because they know they can attract new partners.
b) The quality of the rebound relationship matters. If your ex’s new relationship is healthy and exciting, they are more likely to get over the past and focus on the new.
c) The longing for an ex is inversely proportional to the quality and commitment of the new relationship. If your ex longs for you and thinks about you a lot, they are less likely to commit to the new relationship.
Similarly, if your ex is willing to commit to the new relationship, then there is a chance they don’t long for you as much as you long for them.
d) A rebound relationship can help anxiously attached individuals to focus on someone new and let go of an ex-partner.
e) There is no conclusive study done on the length of a rebound relationship and how likely it is to end. Until now, most relationship experts believe that rebound relationships don’t usually last long especially if your feelings for your ex are still unresolved.
It is to be noted that most of these studies have their shortcomings and limitations. Even the authors of these studies acknowledge these shortcomings. For example, in one study, the author claimed that these studies had samples of only college aged individuals and that people at this age have shorter relationships and they usually have a habit of jumping from one short relationship to another.
In my opinion, some of the findings of these studies can be true. But it will be wrong to assume that these findings will be true all the time in all the cases.
I usually get to speak to people of all ages coming from all types of relationships and breakups. And in my experience, a rebound relationship can vary greatly in length and the effect it has on an ex, depending on the type of person, the type of breakup and the type of rebound relationship. (If you are interested in talking to me about your breakup, check out my email coaching packages.)
Why Your Ex Started a Relationship after the breakup?
One of the biggest question most people have in their mind is why did they do it? More precisely, questions like,
How could my ex start a relationship so soon after the breakup?
Do they not love me anymore?
If they can move on to someone else so quickly, does this mean my ex never loved me?
Will my ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend forget about me now that they have a new romantic partner?
These questions can be maddening. Just the thought of your ex never truly loving you can feel like dagger in the heart. Like the reality you believed in all along was just a sham.
You will be glad to know these thoughts are not true. If your ex started a relationship very soon after the breakup, it does not mean that they no longer love you. It does not mean that the relationship they had with you was a sham. In fact, if they are in a rebound relationship, it’s most likely because they are in pain as well.
In this section we will discuss the intentions or the reasons your ex may have had for starting a new relationship so soon after the breakup. Understanding these reasons can help you calm down a little bit about the rebound relationship and figure out your next moves.
1. Because the Pain Was Too Much
One of the most common reasons for an ex to start a rebound relationship after a bad breakup is because the breakup pain was too much to handle. Even if they broke up with you, they still suffer through the grief that one feels after losing someone special in their life. They made a logical (or emotional) decision to end things with you, but the mind and body still goes through the withdrawal symptoms that most people feel after a breakup.
To most people, a new relationship feels like a logical solution to the breakup pain. They think that if they just replace you with someone else, the breakup pain will go away. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Sure, it distracts them and the euphoria that comes with the honeymoon phase of the new relationship can make them feel like everything is great. But it’s like putting a bandage on a broken bone. It might give you temporary relief, but it doesn’t always help you get over your ex.
2. To fill an emotional need in their life
When an ex starts a relationship with someone immediately after a breakup, sometimes it’s to fill an emotional need that they have.
A lot of people depend on their partner to feel good about themselves. For example, you may be insecure about your looks and need a constant assurance that someone finds you attractive enough to be with you. Without that assurance, you may feel like something important is missing from your life.
3. For Sex
Sometimes, your ex may get into a new relationship just because they miss having sex. Sex is a lot more important for some people than others. It could be an emotional need or a physical one. But if sex is important for them, they will try to find a partner as soon as possible after the breakup.
If they get into a new relationship because of sex, the new relationship is most likely shallow and will not last long. As soon as the sex gets boring, your ex will breakup with the new boyfriend or girlfriend and look for something else.
4. To fill the role of someone important in their life
If you were an important part of your ex’s life, then your ex may try to replace that part as soon as possible. Especially if they needed you to live a comfortable and safe life. For example, suppose you were driving your ex to their work every day and without you, they have to spend an extra hour commuting through public transport. Your ex may try to find a new boyfriend as soon as possible so they don’t have to go through the trouble of using public transport.
Similarly, if you were supporting your ex financially, they may try to replace you as soon as possible because they feel they need someone to take care of them financially.
5. To make you jealous
Your ex may just be trying to make you jealous by getting into a new relationship too fast. They may be trying to “win” the breakup or they may be trying to get you to do something needy/desperate. If this is the case, then your ex is most likely very immature, and they will most likely end the relationship once they realize that it’s not working to make you jealous.
6. To force themselves to move on
A lot of people believe that the best way to move on from a breakup is to start a new relationship as soon as possible. They sometimes force themselves to start dating again after the breakup in hopes that the new relationship will help them forget about you. This is actually a common thing in short term relationships in college aged individuals. In fact, they may have found a rebound relationship helpful when they used to have short term relationships and it was easy to get over an ex.
But this does not usually work in long term relationships when you were seriously attached to your partner. If you had a strong connection with your ex, then they won’t get over it anytime soon, no matter how they force themselves to move on.
7. To show the world (and you) that they are happier now without you
Some people care a lot more about what others think than what is truly happening inside them. Your ex may just want to show the world that they are moving on and decide to get into another relationship. Some of them believe in the “fake it till you make it” ideology and want to act like they are okay with the breakup and have never been happier.
8. To date casually
For some people, dating is an exciting and rewarding experience. Your ex may just enjoy dating casually and they may be excited to get back in the dating game. If your ex is like this, they will most likely not define their new relationship as something serious. They will most likely not get exclusive with anyone and will just date around for a while.
9. Because they had someone lined up or they were cheating on you with someone else
In a lot of cases, an ex will start a relationship with someone they cheated on you with or with someone they had lined up well before the breakup. If an ex starts a relationship with someone, they cheated on you with, it’s still most likely a rebound but you should think very carefully before you even try to get them back. The fact that your ex cheated on you or they had someone lined up before the breakup means that they betrayed your trust. And it’s going to be extremely hard to rebuild the trust with them.
I highly recommend you do no contact for at least two months before you think about getting back with your ex. You should re-evaluate your priorities and figure out if it’s worth trying to get back in a relationship with someone who treated you this way.
Recommended Reading: Should You Get Back With Your Ex – 6 Steps To Find Out
10. Because they want to explore (or they have the grass is greener syndrome)
The grass is greener syndrome is when a person breaks up with you thinking they can do better than you. In most cases, this is because they didn’t have enough experience with relationships and they feel if they don’t date enough, they will always wonder if they could do better.
If an ex starts a relationship immediately after the breakup because they had the grass is greener syndrome, then they are most likely not going to get into a serious relationship anytime soon and the new rebound relationship will not last long.
11. Because they are ready to move on
In some rare cases, an ex will start a new relationship immediately after a breakup because they feel they are ready to move on. If they are really serious about moving on, they will probably choose a partner that is good for them and they will make an effort to make the new relationship work. If an ex does this, it’s most likely because they don’t feel a strong connection with you after breaking up with you. Perhaps the reason for the lack of connection is a short relationship or that they felt disconnected from you for a very long time.
Signs and Common Patterns of a Rebound Relationship
In my experience, rebound relationships follow some common patterns. Of course, not all rebound relationships are alike. But I have seen enough of rebound relationships to recognize common patterns in them. In this section, I am going to reveal the common patterns you may find in a rebound relationship.
1. The Classic Rebound Relationship That Moves too fast
I call a classic rebound a type of relationship that starts too soon after a breakup, goes too fast and ends too soon as well. A classic rebound has the following characteristics.
a) They will usually start the relationship with someone who is the opposite of you. They may be opposite of you in physical characteristics or behavioral characteristics. For example, if you are slim blonde, the rebound may be a brunette who is a little on the heavy side. Another example, may be if you are an introvert who likes to stay in and watch Netflix with her partner; the rebound relationship your partner chooses is a party animal who loves to party even on weekdays.
b) The rebound may be the type of person they said they would never date. For example, if your ex is religious and they told you that they would never date someone of a different religion; they may get into a rebound of a different religion. This could mean that they don’t really care about the type of relationship they are getting into. They only care about getting into a relationship, no matter who they are getting into. And that could mean they are getting into the relationship to avoid the pain of breakup grief. In some cases, this could also mean that they re-evaluated what’s important to them in a relationship and their priorities have changed.
c) These rebounds relationship move too fast. For example, they may be official on Facebook or they may start posting pictures on Instagram way too soon. They may be posting about how great their relationship is within 2-3 weeks of starting the relationship.
d) If you want to get back with an ex who is in such a relationship, your top most priority should be to build solid foundations for your new relationship. If your ex is in a new relationship, respect their space and don’t get romantically involved with them unless they are 100% broken up with their rebound. You don’t want to start a new relationship while your ex is cheating on their new partner.
Recommended Reading: How To Get Her Back If She Has a New Boyfriend
Recommended Reading: How To Get Him Back From His New Girlfriend
2. The Reasonable Rebound
This type of rebound relationship almost seems like a reasonable relationship. It will feel like your ex really is making an effort to move on. As if they are really trying to find the perfect person for them. Such a relationship will have the following characteristics.
a) They will try to find someone who are the opposite of the things they didn’t like about you. For example, suppose you had a lot of fights with your ex about his/her career and you expected a lot from them. When they get into a rebound, they will try to find someone who doesn’t care about their career and doesn’t have high standards. Similarly, if the reason they broke up with you was because they thought you were immature, they will try to find someone who is mature and knows what they want.
b) They will still show signs that they have strong feelings for you but will try to put logic over emotions. For example, they may tell you that they still love you but continue dating their rebound hoping that they will get over you.
c) These types of rebounds don’t usually move too fast. They will not share a lot of things over social media. In fact, they may even try to hide the rebound from you because they are not sure about what they are doing.
d) They will try to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing. But will often give into emotions. Their heart will be with you while their mind will try to convince them to move on and only focus on the rebound relationship. Their will often be a lot of hot and cold behavior towards you.
3. The Casual Rebound
This type of rebound is exactly what the name suggests. The rebound is a casual relationship that they don’t care about and don’t pretend otherwise. Your ex will most likely acknowledge that it’s nothing serious and they are just having fun. This type of relationship has the following characteristics.
a) They will let their close friends and relative know that they are dating someone. They won’t try to hide it. But won’t be public about it either.
b) They will acknowledge that it’s nothing serious and that they are just having fun.
c) They will not let the rebound relationship stop them from speaking with you. In fact, they are likely to speak to you about their rebound relationship and even discuss what they like or dislike about their new boyfriend/girlfriend.
4. The Toxic Rebound Relationship
A toxic rebound is the most dangerous of all the types of rebound relationship. The reason being your ex will find themselves in a toxic pattern that is very very hard to get out of. These types of relationships include a lot of complicated childhood issues that sometimes take years of therapy to get over. They have the following characteristics.
a) Your ex will get into a relationship too soon after the breakup, but the new relationship may not move as fast as a classic rebound relationship.
b) The person they choose to have the relationship may not be the exact opposite and, on the surface,, it will probably look like a normal relationship.
c) Your ex may develop an on again off again relationship with their new boyfriend/girlfriend. They will breakup with their new lover and get back together shortly after.
d) They will complain about their new boyfriend/girlfriend to their friends/family and maybe even you (their ex). But they will not leave the new relationship.
e) They will want to keep you around as a friend who gives them advice and they will want to give you advice on your dating life.
f) They will develop unhealthy patterns and may do something out of the ordinary. For example, if they were active on social media, they may suddenly disappear for a few months. Or if they were not active on social media, they may start posting a lot of things regularly.
g) If you are in touch with them, it will feel like their rebound partner has a lot of power over them. Like they can somehow control your ex’s emotion and know exactly what buttons to press to get your ex to do what they want.
5. The Bruce Banner Rebound Relationship or the Serial Re-bounders
I call this type of rebound relationship the Bruce Banner rebound relationship because of a meme I made using Bruce Banner from the movie Avengers.
These types of rebound relationships are usually a result of someone who moves on from one serious relationship to another almost immediately after the breakup. They never really take any time to grieve the breakup. It has the following characteristics patterns.
a) Your ex most likely had the new boyfriend/girlfriend lined up way before the breakup. If your ex is a serial rebounder (or Bruce Banner rebounder), then they always have a romantic interest in their life disguised as a friend. As soon as they break up with you, they will jump into another relationship with the new partner.
b) They will most likely enter the new relationship with the intent to make it work. They are usually unaware of the unhealthy pattern. Even if they miss you and are going through grief, they will still do everything in their power to make the new relationship work.
c) They have a history of starting a new relationship too soon after the breakup. In fact, you were most likely a rebound from their previous relationship.
d) They usually get very intense in every relationship they have. They most likely made you feel like you were very special and different from all their past relationship. But the sad truth is, they will probably do the same in their new relationship.
e) It’s still possible to get them back. But it does not necessarily mean that it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with them. If your ex can not commit to a relationship for a long time, it is likely that they will breakup with you again. Do no contact and take some time away from your ex to get some perspective. If the breakup grief is too much to handle, get therapy, speak to a mental healthcare professional, or get email coaching with one of our coaches.
Recommended Reading: The No Contact Rule To Get Perspective After a Breakup
Signs Your Ex’s New Relationship Will Not Last
It’s one thing to understand if they have a rebound relationship, it’s another to figure out when your ex will breakup with her new boyfriend/girlfriend. After all, you can’t really get them back if they are in a new relationship. Here are a few signs that will teach you whether or not their new relationship is going to breakup soon.
1) They follow the classic relationship pattern or if they are in a casual rebound relationship, then there is a good chance that their relationship will end rather soon. As I mentioned above, these rebound relationship patterns are very common, and they often end very soon. Even if they don’t end, an ex will not be able develop a strong connection with their new boyfriend or girlfriend.
2) They keep contacting you even though they are in a new relationship. If your ex keeps contacting you without any real reason, then there is a good chance they still have strong feelings for you and that they don’t have the strong connection with their new partner.
3) They are excited to hear from you and they continue speaking to you without any resistance. If you reach out to your ex after no contact, and they are excited to hear from you and it seems like they want to continue speaking with you, then there is a good chance their new relationship is not very strong and that it will end soon.
4) They desire to have sex with you. Your ex may express their desire to have sex with you. But if they are in a rebound relationship, I strongly advise against having sex with your ex. Remember, if you want to get back with them in a healthy relationship, you need to start your new relationship on healthy grounds. You need to build strong foundations to the new relationship by being honest, communicate effectively and trust each other.
5) They post a lot of stuff on social media about their new relationship. If they have been in the new relationship for only a short while and they start posting pics on social media about it aggressively, then there is a good chance they are doing it to make you jealous or get a reaction out of you. the very fact that they are doing this for you means that they still have feelings for you. And that means they don’t have strong feelings for their new partner.
6) They started the relationship too soon after the breakup. In my experience, most relationships that are started within 3 months of a breakup usually end up in a breakup. Sure, there are exceptions to it (like the toxic rebound relationship and the Bruce Banner Rebound Relationships and occasionally real life long lasting relationship), but they are very rare. If your ex started a new relationship within 3 months of breakup, then there is a good chance it will end sooner or later.
7) You were with your ex for a very long time. One of the factors that determines whether a relationship is a rebound or not is how much connected and attached your ex was with you. Usually, the longer you both were together as a couple, the stronger the connection and attachment. So if you and your ex were together for more than a year, then there’s a good chance their new relationship is a rebound and it will end shortly.
8) They don’t have a strong support network. If your ex does not have a strong support network of friends and family, then there is a good chance they started a rebound relationship just because they were lonely. In that case, they will fail to develop a strong romantic attachment to their new rebound and will only use them to avoid the loneliness. Most relationships like this do not last very long.
9) They still tell you that they love you. If your ex tells you that they still love you, despite being in a new relationship, then that’s a pretty big sign that their new relationship will fail.
Avoid These Mistakes If Your Ex Is in a Rebound Relationship
1. Freaking Out When You Find Out About the Rebound
You may have found out about the rebound relationship through common friends or family or you may have found out about it directly from your ex. But as soon as you find out about it, your gut reactions will most likely be to panic and figure out a quick way to make them breakup with the rebound and get back with you.
I’ve written about this repeatedly in many articles. Freaking out when your ex starts dating someone else is a huge mistake. After all, if your ex is important to you and you still have strong feelings for them; there is a good chance they have strong feelings for you as well. And if they have strong feelings for you, then their new relationship is most likely a rebound and it will end sooner or later.
So, if you find out that your ex is dating someone else, don’t freak out. Don’t start calling them and texting them endlessly. Don’t let your instincts take over you. Don’t do anything needy or desperate because it’s only going to push your ex towards their rebound. Embrace your emotions lovingly and compassionately. Then let these feelings go as you assure yourself that you are going to find the love you deserve sooner or later. If your ex is the right person for you, you will get back with them. If not, you will move on to find someone else who loves and respects you for who you are.
2. Trying to tell them that it’s a bad idea to date the rebound
One of the common reactions after finding out that your ex is dating someone else is calling them and telling them how bad the new rebound is for them. Your panicked mind may want to try to convince your ex with logic that the rebound guy or girl is bad for them. But the more you try to convince them to not pursue the new relationship, the more they will want to pursue it.
Your ex does not want you to tell them how to live their life. And if you do, they will be inclined to do the exact opposite of what you tell them.
3. Trying to convince their friends or family to talk to them
If you are close to their friends and family, you may have the temptation to try to get your ex’s friends or family to tell them that the rebound is a bad idea. Again, it’s a mistake because it is pretty much the same as telling them what to do. Except this time, it will be coming from their friends and family. And if they find out that you tried to get their friends and family against them, it’s just going to backfire really bad and your ex will think that you are really manipulative and controlling.
4. Stalking Your Ex about the Rebound and Its Status
OK, so you convinced yourself that you should not try to contact your ex or freak out. You start the no contact rule and cut off contact with your ex. But that does not mean you shouldn’t keep tabs on your ex and his/her new relationship. Right? What if they breakup? Wouldn’t it be the perfect moment to contact your ex?
Stalking your ex and keeping constant tabs on him/her is a big mistake. It’s a mistake because it stops you from actually focusing on things that will help you get your ex back after no contact. Remember, no contact rule does not work unless you make it work for you.
5. Obsessing Constantly About the Rebound and What Could It Mean
Look, I get how hard it is to deal with the fact that your ex is dating someone else. And any type of information that can help calm your mind down feels like a god send. That’s the reason I am writing this article to help you understand rebound relationships and get a realistic view about what can happen in the future.
But some people take this to extremes. They constantly keep searching about rebound relationships, watching YouTube videos about them and just basically driving themselves crazy trying to find some piece of information that will reassure them that this is not the end that they still have a chance to get back together.
The truth is, the more time you spend obsessing over your ex and their rebound relationship, the less time you are spending on doing things that will actually help you get your ex back. More importantly, the less time you will spend on loving yourself, your own life and living well.
So, if you are still thinking about your chances take this quiz which will tell you your realistic chances of getting your ex back. And read this article about exactly what you should do to get your ex back or get your ex-girlfriend back. Bookmark the articles or print them out if need be. And take action on the advice in those articles because unless you take action, your chances of getting your ex back are slim.
What to Do When Your Ex Is Dating Someone New?
1. Understand and Accept the Situation You are in
There is no denying you are in a tough spot right now. Rebound relationships do complicate things when you are trying to get your ex back. But in most cases, they are not a big deal.
That being said, you should use this time and opportunity to try to accept the situation you are in. There is always a chance you will not get your ex back. There is always a chance your ex’s rebound relationship will turn into a real relationship. And that’s okay. Because no matter what happens in the future, you are going to be alright as long as you choose to be happy and healthy.
Speaking of happy and healthy, your goal should be a happy and healthy life. May it be with your ex or without your ex. I know right now you may feel like it’s impossible to happy without your ex. But that’s not really true. You have the capacity to be happy if you make the choice to be happy. So, try to accept that you may never get your ex back and make a choice to be happy and healthy no matter what happens in the future.
2. Give Yourself and Your Ex Some Space
If you’ve read my super articles on getting your ex back or getting your ex-girlfriend back, then you probably know I recommend no contact after a breakup. Even if your ex is in a rebound relationship, you should do no contact for a while and focus on yourself. So, if you have not started no contact till now, consider starting it as soon as possible. If you are still in contact with your ex, tell them that you need some space and time for yourself and you would like to stop contact between the both of you for a while.
3. Prepare Yourself for After No Contact
No contact in itself is not going to get your ex back. What happens after no contact will. So, if you haven’t already, read articles here at ex back permanently to figure out what you should do during no contact and after no contact. If you are prepared, work on your self-improvement and make the right moves, your ex will find you irresistible when you get back in touch with them.
I recommend you start with one of the following articles.
This is the first article I wrote on getting your ex back for this website. I updated this article in 2018 with case studies and more up to date information. This article will give you a detailed outline on exactly what you should do to get your ex back. I highly recommend you read it if you want your ex boyfriend or your ex husband back.
This is a gamified article on getting your ex girlfriend or ex wife back. It comes with mini objectives as well to keep track of your progress. If you want your ex girlfriend back, this is where you should start.
An article focused on getting your ex girlfriend back from her rebound relationship. I recommend you read this article after finishing the main article on getting your ex girlfriend back.
The Art of Using Text Messages to Get Your Ex Back [With 53 Examples]
This article goes in detail about the texting strategy you need to use to get your ex back.
This article talks about the skills, mindset and everything else you need to have once you are done with no contact. It will teach you what to expect once you are done with no contact and you are going to get back in touch with your ex.
4. Get Help from a Professional
There is nothing better than telling your story to an expert and getting their opinion on what you should do. This is why we started doing email coaching here at Ex Back Permanently. So if you are still confused about what you should do, I highly recommend you consider getting email coaching with either me or my colleague Ryan.
If you prefer phone coaching, then I highly recommend Relationship Hero.
5. Subscribe to The EBP Basics E-course
In addition to reading all the articles on Ex Back Permanently, you can also subscribe to the EBP Basics email course. It’s a course I have designed to help you get through the no contact period. You get one email every day from me for the next 30 days. It has helped hundreds of thousands of people all across the world and I am sure it will help you too.
The best part? It’s free. And if you don’t like it, you can unsubscribe any time you want.
But it’s not for everyone. To subscribe, you should first take this quiz and find out your chances of getting your ex back. If your chances are less than 5%, you won’t qualify for the e-course. But if you have a chance of more than 5%, you are good to go. Click here to take the quiz.
Wow your course is amazing and I’ve learned so much about me, life, the universe, but have severe withdrawal symptoms and now need a course to get over you!!! – Gill (a recent subscriber to the EBP Basics E-Course)