If you want your ex back, your instinct will want you to do everything in your power to try and get your ex back as soon as possible.
Your instinct will make you think stuff like,
The sooner I get my ex back, the sooner this pain will stop.
If I don’t get my ex back fast enough, they will move on or find someone else.
These kinds of thoughts make a lot of sense to a panicked mind going through breakup grief.
But in reality, it’s much better wait after a breakup. Wait to calm down and figure out if your ex is really the right person for you. Wait to give your ex some space to miss you. Wait to rebuild your self-esteem and start thinking clearly. Wait to get some perspective on your past relationship and your life.
In this article, we will discuss why it makes sense to wait to try get an ex back. But before we do that, here are a few resources that I recommend you read if you are thinking about getting your ex back. These are all free resources and if you are not sure how to get your ex back, these articles will definitely give you a lot of clarity and a plan to follow.
OK, now that you have a good idea about the whole process of getting an ex back, let’s go into detail about why you should wait before getting an ex back, and for how long you should wait.
Why Should You Wait Before Trying To Get An Ex Back?
Reason 1: Your Addiction to Your Ex/Relationship
You know how some people say they are addicted to their significant other? Well, this addiction is very real. And the best way to handle any addiction is to stay away from the drug.
I know that you want your ex back and you see no point in staying away from them when all you want is to end up in their arms. But, do you really think it’s the healthiest choice for you? Let’s just say you were addicted to heroin. And suddenly there was no where you can buy heroin. Would you use this as an opportunity to quit your addiction or would you travel to a different country just so you could satisfy your addiction?
You have to be sure whether or not you love your ex or you are just addicted to them before you get back together. There is no point in going back to an unhealthy addiction when it’s no longer in your life.
How do you determine whether you want to get back together for the right reasons? Here are a few points to help you go through.
- Remember the relationship with your ex. Remember the time you spent together. Whenever you were together, did you feel great about yourself or did you feel insecure about yourself? If you felt insecure whenever you were with your ex, you are probably just addicted to him/her. On the other hand, if your ex made you feel secure, happy, and confident about yourself, then there is a chance that he/she might be worth getting back.
- Do you just hate being alone? Does waking up alone in the morning makes you feel horrible about yourself? Do seeing other couples make you wish your ex was here with you at this moment? If so, then chances are, you are just addicted to being in a relationship. There is nothing special about your ex that makes you want to get back with them.
- Do you think about your ex all the time, completely ignoring your life goals, your career, your health, and your sleep? If so, then you are just suffering from grief. It’s a completely normal reaction to a breakup. You feel like you are in chaos and the only thing that will bring you back to your normal life is your ex. In reality, your ex is the reason that you are in this chaos. It’s very similar to a heroin addict going through withdrawal symptoms after quitting. They feel like the only thing that can help them feel better is heroin. In reality, it’s the heroin that’s made them feel this way in the first place.
Recommended Reading: Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back? – Find Out With These 6 Mental Steps
Reason 2: Your Mental Health
As we established before, you are not very capable of making huge life decisions after a breakup. And your relationships with your ex might not be as great as you thought it was. However, even if your relationship with your ex was great and getting back with them is in fact a great idea, you still need to take some time off to get back together.
The person who just got dumped by the love of their life, usually becomes needy and desperate. It’s not their fault really, it’s everyone’s gut feeling to act this way. Every action they take and every word that comes out of their mouth reeks of neediness and insecurity from a mile away.
As I explained in the guide on how to get your ex back, this neediness is extremely unattractive. Your ex probably already has a lot of reasons to not be with you (perhaps neediness and insecurity was one of them), and if you show them the needy, insecure, desperate side of you, you are more likely to push them away rather than get them back.
Now, I can tell you to just not act needy and desperate, but the truth is, if you feel insecure and miserable inside, you will show it on the outside. You can control your actions with great effort, but your face and your voice will give you away. And your ex will understand that it’s all an act.
If you take 30 days off to work on yourself and become a happy person, you will actually become a lot more confident and secure about yourself. And just as before, you will show confidence and happiness from your face that your ex will immediately notice.
If you feel needy or desperate to get your ex back, don’t beat yourself over for the way you feel. If you think you have already pushed your ex away by being needy or desperate, don’t worry, it does not necessarily mean you can’t get them back. It’s very common to feel this way after a breakup. And the best way to stop feeling needy after a breakup is to cut contact with your ex and focus on your own mental and emotional well being. It’s important to treat yourself with kindness and be mindful of the thoughts and emotions that arise as you are going through this.
Recommended Reading: The No Contact Rule and How To Take Care Of Yourself During No Contact
Reason 3: Because The Numbers Say So
Everything I write in this article (and on Ex Back Permanently) comes from years of experience (10 years at the moment of writing this). When you read it, it will make sense because the advice on this website primarily focuses on your own well-being and happiness.
But we don’t just say things without backing it up with research. We conducted a study on people who get their ex back and keep them and we found that most people who get their ex back and stay with their ex, took at least one month to get back together. In most cases, people reconciled within 1-6 months of breaking up.
Note that these people actually got back and stayed in long term relationship with their ex. A lot of participants in the study broke up again after getting back together and the above data does not include them.
The result is clear, most people who get back together in a healthy relationship tend to wait after a breakup to try to get back together. And that waiting period is usually at least a month.
Reason 4: Your Ex and Your Post Breakup Relationship Dynamics
If you are reading this, chances are your ex broke up with you. Even if you broke up with your ex, you wanted to get back together but your ex rejected you. In either case, your ex is the one who has all the power in the post breakup relationship. They are the one who left you and you are the one who is miserable without them.
You are the one who misses their ex terribly and is thinking about them all the time.
You are the one who would do anything to get back with them.
If you wanted to get over the breakup and move on, I would have told you to not care about the post breakup relationship and just move on with your life. But since you want to get your ex back, it helps to be mindful of this post breakup relationship.
If you tried to call your ex, text them, beg, plead, or anything that shows how desperate and needy you are without them, then your ex controls this post breakup relationship. However, by just stopping contact with them, you are restoring the balance in this push-pull dynamics.
In most cases, your ex is almost as miserable after the breakup as you. It’s just that if you were needy, it may have made them feel like they can have you whenever they want; like they have all the power. Even though they are hurt from the breakup, the fact that they can have you back any time they want may have made it a little bit easier for them to deal with the breakup pain.
Note that this does not really apply to each situation. Your ex may still be miserable even after knowing you want them back. And even if they are, it’s still best to do no contact so both of you can take some time and space away from each other and get some perspective.
By cutting contact with them, you are giving your ex what they wanted. A breakup. A life without you in it. And it’s not a bad thing (even if you want to get them back).
When you create space between the both of you, it will give both of you some perspective about the breakup, your relationship and how you truly feel about each other.
There is a lot about no contact that is out of scope for this article. So if you are unsure how to do no contact in your situation, I highly recommend you read this article.
Here are a few common questions people ask about waiting to get their ex back after a breakup.
Should I Wait For My Ex To Contact Me First?
No, you should contact your ex whenever you feel you are ready to start speaking to them again. The idea behind No Contact Rule is to help you heal from the breakup, regain your confidence, and figure out how to fix what was broken in your relationship. Once you have achieved all that, you should reach out to your ex in a certain way so you can both start speaking again and slowly build a new relationship.
If you keep waiting for your ex, your ex may never reach out because they may be waiting for you too. In addition, if you are waiting for your ex, you are WAITING. You are not really moving on with your life and letting go. If you want to move on from your ex, don’t wait for them, just focus on moving on. And if you want your ex back, don’t wait for them, reach out to them and start rebuilding attraction and connection with them.
Read the following resources to understand this concept more.
In addition, we offer a free report that includes 5 Texts that can help you restart contact with your ex. These texts are designed to help you wipe the slate clean and get your ex to forgive you and start speaking with you again after no contact. Download the report by clicking the Link below.
How Long Should I Wait for My Ex to Come Back?
Like I said above, waiting for an ex to come back is a flawed concept. If you are waiting for something to happen on its own, you are kind of wasting your time. Doesn’t it make more sense to be proactive and prepare yourself for the best and worst outcomes?
If you want your ex back, it’s better to be proactive about it and take action.
You should wait after a breakup, but not for your ex to come back. Here are the things you should wait for,
- You should wait to heal from the breakup.
- You should wait to regain your confidence after the breakup.
- You should wait to calm down so you are no longer needy or desperate.
- You should wait until you have figured out the root cause of the breakup.
- You should wait until you have figured out how to fix what was broken.
- You should wait until you figured out if getting your ex back is a healthy decision for you.
Once you feel you are ready, you should reach out to your ex and try win them back. If it doesn’t work out, you just cut your losses and move on. Here are a few articles I recommend you read that will help you understand this concept more.
Recommended Reading: 9 Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back [And You Are Not in Denial]
Recommended Reading: Should You Try To Get Your Ex Back – 6 Steps To Find Out
Recommended Reading: I Miss My Ex: Why And How Do I Stop It?
How Long Does it Take After a Breakup to Get Back Together Your Ex?
In most cases, couples get back together within 1-6 months of the breakup. This statistics only includes couples who stayed together in a long term relationship after getting back together. Here’s a chart with more details on this.
To be more accurate 58.2% of participants who got back and stayed together with their ex did so within 1-6 months of the breakup. To read this exclusive study conducted by Ex Back Permanently, click below.
If you want to get your ex back, your aim should be to get back in a healthy relationship that lasts a long time. And to do that, you must take some time apart and focus on yourself for a while.
Yes, you should wait after a breakup before trying to get an ex back. But you should be waiting for the right reasons. Waiting is not a mind game that makes your ex wants you back. Waiting after a breakup is meant to help you get some perspective and grow as a person. When you feel you have healed from the breakup and grown enough, you reach out to your ex in a certain way so you can start the process of re-attracting an ex.