He has moved on to a new girlfriend. And you feel like you’d do anything to get your ex boyfriend back. After all, you are still madly in love with him. It can be a gut wrenching feeling to think about your ex boyfriend (who you still love with all your heart) in someone else’s arm. The idea that you might have lost him forever can be heart breaking.
Fortunately, you probably have not lost him forever. In fact, you probably still have a good chance of getting him back if you follow the advice in this article (Take this quiz to find out your exact chances).
This article will tell you everything you need to know about getting him back from his new girlfriend. But before you read this article, you should know it does not talk about the basics of getting your ex back.
A Complete Guide
If you have just landed on this website, I recommend you start by reading my step by step guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back. It’s the most comprehensive guide you will find on the internet and it’s free. It’s called The 5 Step Plan teaches you the basics of getting an ex back.
This article assumes that you already know the basics of getting an ex back and will teach you how to apply those 5 steps when your ex is dating someone else or if he has moved on.
(Note: Read this article if you are a guy looking to get his ex girlfriend back when she is dating someone else and this article for a comprehensive guide on winning ex girlfriend back.)
What We Will Talk About in This Article
This article is divided in three parts.
Part 1: Has your ex really moved on? Or is it just a rebound?
We will discuss this in the first part of the article. Before you figure out what moves you should make, it’s best to analyze the situation you are in so you can maximize your chances by making the right moves.
Part 2: Preparation
In this part, we will discuss what you can do to maximize your chances of getting him back by preparing yourself and positioning yourself in a way that your ex finds you attractive.
Part 3: Getting Him Back Even If He Has Moved On
In this part, we will discuss exactly what you need to do to get him back.
Part 1: Understanding His New Relationship
The first question that most women have on their mind when they find out that their ex is dating someone else is indubitably,
Does My Ex Really Love His New Girlfriend?
And the answer to that, in most cases, is ….
No, he does not love his new girlfriend.
He is most likely in a rebound relationship. And his rebound relationship will most likely end sooner or later.
He may be infatuated with this new girl at the moment. But it doesn’t mean he “loves” him. It doesn’t mean that the new girl is going to be his future wife. It doesn’t mean he will love her the same way he loved you.
In fact, if you satisfy the following two criteria, then there is a very good chance that your ex is not over you and that he still has strong feelings for you. The two criteria are,
- You two had a meaningful relationship that lasted for more than six months.
- The breakup happened less than six months ago.
If you are interested how I came across this criteria, it’s from a study we did on breakups and reconciliation. You can read the detailed study here.
Back to the topic at hand, if you and your ex had a meaningful relationship, and you broke up recently, then there is a good chance his new relationship is a rebound relationship and that it will end again pretty soon.
If you have doubts whether or not his new relationship is a rebound, I highly recommend you read this article on rebound relationships where I talk about common patterns that rebound relationships follow and how you can spot his pattern and figure out if it’s a rebound relationship
My Ex Has a Girlfriend But He Still Wants To See Me/Talk To Me/ Calls Me. What Does It Mean?
If your ex wants to speak to you, talk to you or meet you even if he has a girlfriend, then that’s a strong sign that he sill has feelings for you. But it does not necessarily mean he wants you back or that he will come back.
If this is you, then the best thing you can do for yourself is read Part 2 and Part 3 of this article below. We will discuss exactly what you need to do to maximize your chances of getting him back even if he has a new girlfriend.
I Don’t Meet The Criteria Above, Does This Mean He Has Moved On?
Perhaps it’s been a long time after the breakup and perhaps he is already over the breakup and has moved on. Perhaps his new girlfriend is not just a rebound but someone serious. Perhaps, he is really interested in his new girlfriend and he really wants his new relationship to work.
If that’s the case, then I’ve got to ask you something. Why haven’t you moved on till now? What has been stopping you from moving on? Is it the fact that you still love your ex boyfriend? Have you even made any effort to move on?
Listen, there is still a chance to get him back. And following the steps mentioned below in Part 2 and 3 of this article should still increase your chances of getting him back. But before you do that, you should try to figure out if he is even worth getting back. And for that, I recommend you read this article.
He Left Me For His New Girlfriend. Will He Come Back?
In some cases, your ex may have left you for the new girl. And if you are still wondering if he will come back, then I want you to take a deep breath and say the following sentences out loud.
“I will not sit around waiting for him to come back. I will work on myself and become a better version of myself. I will try to get him back if he is the right person for me. And if he is not the right person for me, I will move on from him and find someone who deserves me.”
Your ex doesn’t control your life. He does not control your happiness. You do. So don’t just sit around waiting for him to come back. Take control of your life and figure out what you need to do to make yourself happy.
If he left you for someone else, your chances of getting him back depends on a lot of factors.
Ask yourself the following questions..
- How was your relationship before the breakup?
- How long were you both together?
- Did he leave you because of a major issue in the relationship?
If the answers to the above questions are positive, then there is a good chance you can get him back.
In most cases, your chances of getting him back are as good as anyone else after a breakup. Just because he left you for someone else doesn’t mean he won’t come back. It just means that he is in a new relationship right now and that new relationship is probably a rebound.
(Take this quiz to figure out your chances with 80% accuracy)
Do Rebound Relationships Always End?
This is a tough one to swallow. But the truth is, a lot of rebound relationships turn into real intimate relationships that may last years or even decades. So just because he is in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean there is a 100% chance it will end.
Yes, statistics work in your favor. But your ex boyfriend may be in that rare rebound relationship that turns into a real relationship.
So keep your expectations in check. Luckily, this article will teach you a plan that will maximize your chances of getting him back even if it’s not a rebound relationship.
Part 2: Preparing Yourself for Getting Him Back If He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend
In this part of the article, we will talk about what you need to do to prepare yourself for getting him back.
You can read hundreds of articles and watch thousands of YouTube videos about getting him back. But the fact is, if you are still insecure, desperate or needy to win him back from his new girlfriend, you are going to fail.
In addition, if you don’t know how to fix what was broken in the relationship, your ex will never get back with you. And even if he does, he will leave again once he realizes nothing has changed.
No YouTube video or article is going to get rid of that neediness and insecurity from inside you. No YouTube video is going to fix the issues that lead to the breakup. You are going to have to do that yourself.
So before you try getting him back from his new girlfriend, you need to take some time apart from him and focus on yourself. Focus on preparing yourself so you can become the woman he dreams of being with.
How do you do that?
If your ex has moved on, if he is dating someone else or if he is in a rebound relationship, you must do no contact.
If you are not sure what no contact is, read this article. It will teach you everything you need to know about no contact.
In short, no contact is when you cut your ex from your life so you can focus on healing from the breakup and growing as a person.
Does no contact work if your ex is seeing someone else?
No contact does work even if your ex is seeing someone else. In fact, no contact works even if your ex has moved on and his new relationship isn’t a rebound.
But you must understand, that the purpose of no contact rule is to help you heal and grow as a person.
As for getting your ex back, doing no contact when he is seeing someone else will increase your chances of getting him back. But a lot of it still depends on what you do after no contact.
Will my ex move on during no contact?
A lot of women have this fear when they are trying to win a man back from another woman.
If you stop contacting him, and he is in a new relationship, wouldn’t he forget about you?
The answer is no. In most cases, his new relationship will be a rebound. And if you stop contacting him, he is going to realize that the new relationship is shallow. (Read more about rebound relationships here).
Moreover, the only way to get him back in an amazing long-lasting relationship is to fix the issues that lead to the breakup and become a confident and attractive woman again. And as long as you are in contact with him, it’s going to be very difficult to do that.
My ex keeps contacting me even though he has a new girlfriend. Should I still do no contact?
So, your ex may want to keep you around while he is dating someone else. You want him back, but it’s confusing whether or not you should do no contact. He insists that you should stay friends even though he is dating someone else.
The best way to go about this situation is to figure out how speaking to him is affecting your mental health.
Ask yourself the following questions..
- Do you feel overwhelmed when he talks about his new girlfriend?
- If he is cold, does it make you angry/needy/desperate?
- Do you feel disrespected in any way?
- Is speaking to him stopping you from healing and growing as a person?
- Is speaking to him stopping you from dating other guys and moving on?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above (which is true for most cases), then you should stop contact with your ex for a while to heal and grow, even if he insists on staying in touch.
To stop contact with him, just use the following text.
“I appreciate it that you still want to stay friends. But speaking to you is stopping me from healing from this breakup and it’s not good for my mental health. I want to cut contact with you for a while. Maybe we can be friends later on when I have healed. But for now, I need some space and time.”
By doing this, you are not only showing your ex that you are strong and confident. You are also telling him that you won’t just wait around and be his doormat. That you will always put your own well-being above everything else.
In addition, cutting him off this way will make him realize whether or not he still has feelings for you. A lot of times, an ex boyfriend will never feel like he has lost you because he can have you in his life in his terms. By changing the terms of this post breakup relationship, you are telling him that he has truly lost you. And this may just be the thing that makes him want you back.
On the other hand, if speaking to him is not affecting your mental health and you can still heal from the breakup and grow as a person while speaking to him, then there is no need to do no contact. You may still choose to do the no initiate rule. You can read about it in this article.
What to do during no contact to maximize your chances of getting him back if he has moved on to another girlfriend?
During no contact, your aim should be to heal from the breakup, grow as a person, become more confident, figure out what was broken in the relationship, and figure out how to fix it. I’ve written a lot about it on this website. So, use the following resources to do this.
In this article, you will learn a six step process to figure out whether you should try to get him back. It’s important to do this so you can be sure your ex boyfriend is worth all the time and effort you are putting into trying to get him back.
Details of no contact rule and what to do during no contact to grow as a person.
Everything you need to understand the big picture and figure out how to get him back.
Learn the tools and skills you need to be ready for after no contact.
Learn the conversations that will eventually make him want you back and be with you in an amazing relationship permanently.
Part 3 – Getting Him Back When He Has Moved On To A New Girlfriend
Once you feel you have healed from the breakup (at least a little bit), that you have grown as a person and you are confident that a new relationship with him can work, it’s time to actually get him back from the other woman. Follow these steps.
Step 1 – Re-establish Contact and Start Talking to Him via Texts or Phone Calls.
Re-establishing contact with your ex is best done via text if he is with someone else. I’ve written about re-establishing contact many times on this website. Here are a couple of resources that will give you in-depth advice on how to do that.
Even if he has moved on, or if he is in a rebound relationship, the guidelines for contacting your ex for the first time remains pretty much the same. In most cases, you should go with an Elephant in the room text. You can download a few sample texts by clicking here.
What if his new girlfriend does not let him talk or message you?
If your ex’s new girlfriend does not let him stay in contact with you, and your ex boyfriend is agreeing to her, then this means that he has completely moved on and is heavily invested in his new girlfriend. Guys don’t usually let their girlfriends tell them who to contact unless they are serious about the relationship. (Note: If your ex boyfriend is refusing to talk to you read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Won’t Talk To You?)
At this point, there is nothing you can do. The more you try to contact him, the crazier you will look to him. The best thing to do in this case scenario is to move on. I am sorry to say this, but you really have no chance of getting him back unless they both breakup. You can sit and pray that they’d break up, but I wouldn’t count on that. It will be better to just cut your losses and try to move on.
Step 2 – Figure Out How Serious He Is in The New Relationship
Remember Part 1 of this article where you tried to understand his new relationship. In that part, we tried to figure out if his new relationship is a rebound or if he has moved on based on the signs he may be showing or based on how long your previous relationship lasted.
But now that you are talking to him, you can actually find out how serious he is about this new relationship and whether or not he actually loves her.
The most important factor over here is the timing. Don’t do it when you just start speaking to him after no contact. In fact, when you just start speaking to him, you should totally ignore his new girlfriend and don’t bring it up in the conversation. If he brings it up, just be cool about it and move on to the next topic.
After about a week or two of speaking to him on the phone, you should talk to him about his new relationship. The best way to do it is by asking him this simple question,
“Is it serious?”
The question is simple but very effective in not only understanding his new relationship, but also in helping him understand his new relationship.
If he is not sure about his feelings for the new girl, he will probably say something like,
“Umm. It’s not really serious. We are just dating.”
But if he is serious about the new relationship, he will be confident in his reply and say something like,
“Yes, it is serious.”
Based on his reply, you are going to figure out your next moves.
Step 3: Meetup, Rebuild Attraction and Make him Feel a Connection With You
The last step actually depends on how serious he is in this new relationship.
If he is serious about The New Relationship
If he is really serious about this new relationship, it’s probably a good idea to not be very aggressive in trying to get him back. You need to take things slow and not make it obvious that you want to get him back.
In addition, if he has moved on and says that he loves his new girlfriend, then you must also be very realistic about your chances. And you must keep on growing as a person and healing from the breakup. You should continue exploring your options and date other guys.
If your ex has moved on, you must level the playing field by trying to move on yourself. If you have healed from the breakup and have the right mindset, you should be able to speak to your ex and move on at the same time. But if you find it hard to do, then you should do no contact again so that you are not obsessed with getting him back.
If your ex is serious about his new girlfriend, your only option is to be a friend to your ex and let everything develop naturally. The feelings he had for you may resurface and he may decide to leave his new girlfriend for you. But there is no guarantee that will happen so, again, you must be realistic about your chances.
On the other hand, you may realize that you are better off being friends with your ex as you try to move on from the breakup. If that happens, just be friends with your ex and enjoy each other’s company without having any ulterior motives. You may have lost a lover, but you can gain a good friend in the process.
If he is NOT serious about the new relationship
If you feel your ex is not serious about the new relationship, you can be a lot more aggressive in trying to get him back. You can flirt with him, call him more often, and try to meet him as much as possible.
As long as your ex is warm in his responses and flirts back, you are golden. If you make the right moves, he is slowly going to stop feeling attracted to his new girlfriend and start feeling more and more attracted to you.
But make sure that you are not showing any signs of neediness or insecurity when you are pursuing him. Whatever you do, you must do it from a place of confidence. If your ex realizes you are still needy and are pursuing him because you are afraid of losing him, it will turn him off and he may become cold again.
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Breakup With His New Girlfriend
Unfortunately, you can’t make him breakup with his new girlfriend. It has to be his decision. Once you have gone out with him a few times, and he has seen the new and improved you, he will himself start wondering whether he should give it another go with you. This is assuming that you’ve read the 5 step plan, have done no contact for a while and grown as a person.
Should You Ask Him To Choose Between You and The New Girl?
If you are confident enough, you can bring up the topic of getting back together yourself. However, make sure you don’t sleep with him unless he commits. You might have to ask him to choose between you and the new girl. Let him know that you can’t be friends with him and if he chooses her, then you can’t see him again. And you should stick to your words. If he does choose her, you should move on and remove him from your life completely. It might be the hardest thing you ever have to do but it’s the right thing for you. Remember, this whole thing was to just try getting him back one more time. If it didn’t work, you have to accept your loss and move on.
On the other hand, if he does choose you, then you should understand that the reason he chose you is because of the new and improved you. He chose the girl who is confident, happy, and secure. So if you want to keep him, you better keep those attributes as well.
Getting an ex-boyfriend back when he has moved on is difficult, but not impossible. The most important thing is to approach this from a place of confidence and strength. If he realizes that you are a high value woman, he will most likely leave his new girlfriend for you.
Where to go from here?
If you’ve not read the 5 step plan to get an ex back permanently, I highly recommend you read it right now. It’s free to read and the most comprehensive plan on the internet.
In addition, you will find a few more resources below that will help you in this journey to grow, become confident and get your ex-boyfriend in a healthy relationship permanently.