He has moved on to a new girlfriend. And you feel like you’d do anything to get your ex boyfriend back. After all, you are still madly in love with him. It can be a gut wrenching feeling to think about your ex boyfriend (who you still love with all your heart) in someone else’s arm. The idea that you might have lost him forever can be heart breaking.

"I don't know what he sees in that witch." - Jealous Ex Girlfriends All Over The World

“I don’t know what he sees in that witch.” – Jealous Ex Girlfriends All Over The World

Fortunately, you can still give it another try before completely giving up hope. Just because he has another girlfriend doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t win him over.

A Complete Guide

Before we begin, did you read my step by step guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back? If not, click here to read it now. It’s the most comprehensive guide you will find on the internet and it’s free. So go read that guide first and then come back to this page for advice pertaining to your situation.

(Note: Read this article if you are a guy looking to get his ex girlfriend back when she is dating someone else and this article for a comprehensive guide on winning ex girlfriend back.)

What we will talk about in this article.

Here are the things I’ll cover in this article.

  • What to do if it is a rebound relationship?
  • What to do if it’s not a rebound relationship and he has moved on?
  • Tactics to win him back from his new girlfriend
  • How to make him meet you.
  • What if his new girlfriend doesn’t let him talk to you?
  • How to make him leave his new girlfriend.

Is it a Rebound Relationship?

For all we know, your boyfriend might have jumped into a new relationship before moving on. This new relationship could actually be just a rebound. As you might have heard before, rebound relationships usually end as quickly as they begin. In fact, statistics show that 90% of the rebound relationship end in a breakuprebound.

If this is the case, then you will have to let his rebound relationship run its course. He will soon realize that this relationship is not going to fill the hole that he is feeling in his life and end it. If you try to interfere or try to convince him to breakup, then you are only going to make him want to stay in the relationship. All you have to do is follow the 5 Step Plan to get your ex back and you will most probably have him back in your arms.

Has he Really Moved On?

Perhaps it’s been a long time after the breakup and perhaps he is already over the breakup and has moved on. Perhaps his new girlfriend is not just a rebound but someone serious. Perhaps, he is really interested in his new girlfriend and he really wants his new relationship to work.

not_moved_onIf that’s the case, then I’ve got to ask you something. Why haven’t you moved on till now? What has been stopping you from moving on? Is it the fact that you still love your ex boyfriend? Have you even made any effort to move on?

Listen, there is still a chance to get him back. And that involves following the 5 step plan listed here with a few adjustments that I mention below. But the real question is, do you really want to sabotage his new relationship so you could give it another try? Do you really think that he will be happier with you than he is with his new girlfriend? If so, then read ahead.

How To Get Him Back From His New Girlfriend

Now, if he has a new girlfriend, and it’s not a rebound, then you have some serious trouble. Before we begin, I must warn you that your chances are very less and you should know that you might end up hurting yourself more.

The first thing that you need to do is stop contact with him. That’s right. I know it’s a little counter intuitive but it’s for the best. Yes, there is a chance that he might forget about you, but it’s a chance you have to take. Especially if you have been trying to contact him for a while. (Read Why You Should Wait Before Getting Your Ex Back).

After you’ve been in no contact for a while, it’s time to contact him again. However, you must know the timing has to be just right. If he stays in the relationship with his new girlfriend (who is not a rebound) for a long time, he will get more invested in that relationship and he will be less likely to come back to you. You will have to hit the sweet spot when it comes to timing. You have to give him just enough time to miss you, but not enough to completely forget about you.

How To Contact Him?

Text messages. I do recommend a letter in the 5 step plan, but if you are trying to get him back from his new girlfriend, text messages are the way to go (Read this article for a more detailed guide on texting your ex). The reason is simple, text messages are private and she is less likely to find out about them. Even if she does, she is breaching his privacy, which means less attraction points for her.

Remember, to build attraction slowly using text messages, as mentioned in this guide. Do not be direct with your intentions.

What if she does not let him talk or message you?

If your ex’s new girlfriend does not let him stay in contact with  you, and your ex boyfriend is agreeing to her, then this means that he has completely moved on and is heavily invested in his new girlfriend. Guys don’t usually let their girlfriends tell them who to contact unless they are serious about the relationship. (Note: If your ex boyfriend is refusing to talk to you read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Won’t Talk To You?)

At this point, there is nothing you can do. The more you try to contact him, the crazier you will look to him. The best thing to do in this case scenario is to move on. I am sorry to say this, but you really have no chance of getting him back unless they both breakup. You can sit and pray that they’d break up, but I wouldn’t count on that. It will be better to just cut your losses and try to move on.

How To Make Him Meet You?

Once you have established good communication with him via text messages and established that you are no longer a needy and clingy person, you should try to set up a meet. Again, don’t call it a date. Just keep it short and simple (as mentioned in the 5 step plan).

How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Breakup With His New Girlfriend

Unfortunately, you can’t make him breakup with his new girlfriend. It has to be his decision. Once you have gone out with him a few times, and he has seen the new and improved you, he will himself start wondering whether he should give it another go with you. This is assuming that you followed the step 3 in the 5 step plan(the no contact rule and working on yourself).

If you are confident enough, you can bring up the topic of getting back together yourself. However, make sure you don’t sleep with him unless he commits. You might have to ask him to choose between you and the new girl. Let him know that you can’t be friends with him and if he chooses her, then you can’t see him again. And you should stick to your words. If he does choose her, you should move on and remove him from your life completely. It might be the hardest thing you ever have to do but it’s the right thing for you. Remember, this whole thing was to just try getting him back one more time. If it didn’t work, you have to accept your loss and move on.

On the other hand, if he does choose you, then you should understand that the reason he chose you is because of the new and improved you. He chose the girl who is confident, happy, and secure. So if you want to keep him, you better keep those attributes as well.

By now, you should have a pretty good idea about what to do and how to get your ex boyfriend back. Again, if you haven’t read the 5 step plan to get your ex back, click here to read it now. It’s the most popular article on this website and I have seen this plan work time and time again. If you’ve already read it, here are a few more articles that I highly recommend you read.

Why You Should Wait Before Getting Your Ex Back

The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need To Know About It

Should You Get Your Ex Back?

And if you have any questions or would like to share your story, please post a comment. We are active on this website and I’ll probably reply to you within 24 hours.

 

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Rebecca
Rebecca

Hi everyone.
My ex broke up with me one week and a half ago. He told me he still likes me and wanted to stay friends. It’s just that he didn’t see a future in it. He couldn’t pinpoint what the problem is(we had great sex and I’m always supportive of everything he does or wants to do). He even suggested a weekly dinner+fun meeting on Sundays. He assured me there wasn’t someone else and also that I didn’t have to worry about him dating anytime soon. But after less than a week he’s already going on dates!!!! I found this out yesterday after he reluctantly told me when I asked what his plans were for the evening since he
kept refusing me. I basically made all the deadly mistakes. A lot of crying and ugly sobbing and being needy… He hasn’t responded to any of my messages since yesterday evening when I went to his house,
broken down. And when I went again this afternoon to suggest a walk he said “no, some other time. It was nice that you came to see me though”. I now know (after finding this site through Google) that I need to start No Contact (and realised that maybe our relationship partially didn’t work because I lost my own identity. I do everything with/for him. And his own (commitment) issues of wanting to get away from home constantly and traveling/emigrating) but I’m so paranoid about this new girl and I can see his house from my window and it’s driving me crazy that I know he’s out on a date right now. I was his second girlfriend, his ex broke up with him because of his jealousy problems. He was never interested in actively going dating (we started when I was in An open relationship, but even then he just didn’t feel motivated to date girls… WHY NOW AFTER ONE WEEK OF BREAKUP)

I’m looking for support in all this. Please let me know what you think of the situation and my chances.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There’s a chance that he got bored of the relationship over time and lost the spark, despite the positive aspects of it. Usually, these situations require a bit of time for the other party to realize that what they had was great and it was a mistake throwing it away.

Aly
Aly

Hi I was seeing this guy from March to August, we were really intense, passionate, he was infatuated with me and we would talk all day everyday, we had everything in common, but he broke up with me in May bc he felt like we argued a bit to much and like he was putting in more effort than me. I did a lot of mistakes like begging for him to stay and being a doormat during the breakup and after the breakup. We stayed in contact even after the break up in May until August, we were still flirty with each other but there was still no commitment and he was a bit hot and cold with me. We would speak to each other at least once a day until two weeks ago. Two weeks ago he told me that he was being distant and a lot less flirty bc he decided he wanted to give this girl that has had a crush on him for a while a chance at being with him (bear in mind he told me about this girl in May but still continued to be flirty, sexual and close to me even after he told me about her.) he told me it’s not serious with her and that he wasn’t going to cut off our friendship just bc she might feel insecure of it but at the same time he’s going to be fair to her bc leaving her for me wouldn’t be his thing. I told him it would be best for us to not speak since he’s With her now and keeping in contact with him would only hurt me, he accepted but the next day he proceeded to talk to me again and keep up our snapchat streak. This week we haven’t been in contact since Tuesday (31st of July) and on Friday (3rd of Aug) he posted a pic of her on snapchat wearing his shirt. I’m Trapped between deleting him off my social media or trying to flaunt that I’m moving on and genuinely happy on social media bc he’ll see it. I’m also a bit competitive and kinda feel like he only started getting involved with her in May bc me and him started having problems (so she might be a rebound), plus the way he was when me and him s first started talking doesn’t compare to when him and her started talking. He was so excited to start talking to me in March but he’s kinda downplayed her importance to me which is a bit disrespectful to her and I know he wouldn’t have said such things about me to other people when we first started… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would depend entirely on what your goal is – to win him back or walk away. I would recommend going back to NC, but don’t delete him off social media. You can always continue to post stuff and this may cause him to regret/think of you during that time.

Kay
Kay

My husband of 11 years and I split up at the beginning of the month. I take full responsibility as I had an affair following my mum passing away and feeling unsupported by him but I made a bad choice. Unfortunately I didn’t initially fight for him when he found out. He asked to reconcile and I was still in a bad place. I have since realised what I massive mistake I made and tried to make amends. The problem is he was in a new relationship within a week of moving out and is now saying it’s too late. We have children so can’t do complete no contact. Do I have any chance?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You don’t have to do fully do no contact given the circumstances you’re in, but avoid small talk and interaction with your ex with the exception of matters related to the children. Given that the relationship was over such a long period, there is a chance that he still has feelings for you but may simply be going through a rebound right now. Follow the guidelines found in our articles on how to handle rebound relationships as well as no contact.

kayjoanne
kayjoanne

I did limited contact for a few days (bar conversations about kids) and he’s already text today asking how I am and if I was still hoping he’d reconsider. I asked him why he was asking and he said he still cares about me despite everything. I don’t understand why he’d ask this, feels like he’s playing a game

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well, if you feel that way, perhaps give it some space to see if he’s sincere or not. If he’s not sincere, he would probably stopping trying to contact you after awhile.

Devanshi
Devanshi

Hi
My boyfriend and I broke up , I followed the no contact rule for about a month , he has been dating another girl for 3 months and we met after my no contact and I slept with him because he made promises to me , did I make a huge mistake ? What should I do now to make things in my favour?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would depend on how he is treating you now, after you’ve slept with him because he made promises to you that would determine whether it was a mistake. If he is beginning to ignore you again or has gotten hot/cold with you, perhaps going back to no contact may be a good idea since his intentions were different from yours (he missed you but hooking up helped him get over that).

Ikky
Ikky

Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up 3 months ago. I begged him but he refused so I stopped. After 2 months he came back begging but I was harsh towards him. I then called him and apologized and also told him we are fine but he refused saying he has met his new girlfriend and she is giving him the peace he really wants. I want him back now and my friend got to talk to him, she said he is just beginning to love the girl and he told her that I can fight for him if I want. How do I do that?? Is there a real chance? I know he loves me more than her

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If that is the case, then perhaps you would have to convince and remind him why he loves you more than her. This could be through your actions of trying to win him back or trying to rekindle the flame once again with him.

lizzy
lizzy

Hi
Ok so I’m in a very tight confusing situation me and my ex broke up about 5 months ago during those five months there were times where we had no contact and I would try to move along with my life. But then suddenly I get a text at 3 in the morning him telling me how’s hes sorry about soemthing that he said to me or that he misses me. Yet he keeps saying to me I need to move on and that’s he’s fully moved on from me and that he just doesn’t feel the same but he also saids things to me like he will always be there to talk to me & that he misses me around and that he cares about me and that he’s not going to forget about me and he will always be there to talk if I need soemthing but I recently found out from him that he has a girlfriend which is crazy to me because just a couple of days ago he told me the reason he left me was because he wanted to feel free and that for him it feels good to be freee so why does he have a girlfriend if he told me it feels good to be free and that he doesn’t care for a relationship right now I’m his life .?? they have been talking for 2 months but the thing when I text him he ALWAYS texts me back even when he’s around her..? I am so confused and hurt I recently have been doing everything RIGHT for ME in those 5 months of not being together But it just doesn’t feel right without him I am happy for myself that I have been doing so good for myself in last months but I still can’t let the fact go that I wish I could be sharing all these great accomplishments with him.. I am so nervous him and his girlfriend are going to be something big. I really love this man. I am so confused and just nerves to lose him but he’s always giving such mixed sings that it’s driving me insane. Please help I have decided to stop contact with him and maybe check up on him in like a month or so but if he’s still with her I am going to feel so hopeless.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Keep in mind that the focus during this period that you’ve stopped contact with him is the period you should be focusing on what went wrong with the relationship, and whether there were things that you could do to change about yourself in a positive manner, as well as to use this time to pick yourself up from the break up. Follow the guidelines found here if you require further information about the concept of no contact.

Lola
Lola

Hey,
My boyfriend and I live together and been together for over 7 years. He broke up with me as was attracted to another girl who is now seeing although is adamant he hasn’t moved on ( we broke up less than 2 months ago). It’s hard to do no contact as we still have a couple of weeks on our flat lease. I’ve been staying with friends as much as my can.
Do you think if he left for a different attraction, my chances are low? He’s up and down and often gives me hope and apologises for what he’s doing?
Thanks

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He may have left for a different attraction because of the grass in greener syndrome, which he may have started to feel after being together for so long that there are ‘better’ fish out there. The fact that you were together with him for so long means you connected on an emotional level at the very least but physical attraction may have been lost over time, which is possibly also why he feels bad and the need to apologize. Follow the guidelines found in this and our other articles as well on the steps and measures to winning him back.

Esther
Esther

Hi. My ex and I have been together for 4 years and just broke up a little more than 1 week ago and we did not end in bad terms, despite being a mutual decision I felt like I was forced to break up with him, because I caught him lying to me and he was drifting away. After the break up I found out that he was emotionally cheating on me with one of his overseas colleague (they do meet frequently since he has to fly to her country quite often, but will not be as frequent moving forward) 1 month prior separating (we were having huge arguments then, about commitments and settling down issues). The week before the break up, we are still acting like a normal couple and was assuring each other that we will work on our relationship, but after his overseas business trip to his female colleague country, where I found out he spent the weekend with her and some of his other colleagues. I found out all these information from his mum (that was when i found out he was lying and was talking to someone else), he called me the next day of his return and we mutually broke up over the phone.
I have stopped contacting him after the break up, cause I thought it was a good time for me to do some self-reflection on myself and our relationship – me trying to understand what went wrong.
I was motivated to contact him after having no contact for 2 weeks. However, I have recently spoken to his mum again for some advice (his parents loves me a lot), and she told me that he looked like he moved on (not moaning at home, going out with his friends, texting his female colleague etc) and has every intentions to fly over to his colleagues country just to see her. Of course, this news upsets me because I thought I would still have a chance on reconciliation with him…
Right now, I am worried that I will not have any opportunity with him anymore. But neither do I understand whether his overseas colleague is a rebound since he started chatting with her before breaking up with him or something he is committed to?
Please advise on what I should do please?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

A rebound relationship could just as easily have started before the previous relationship ended since he probably built the connection with her to escape whatever negative emotions he felt in the relationship with you. This could have been built upon after the breakup because in order to avoid feeling empty and lost from the breakup, he continues to contact her instead which also occupies his mind and time from having to deal with the breakup. Continue with NC and perhaps observe whether the likelihood of her being a rebound is there before you decide whether to move on or not.

Esther
Esther

Hi, but if the coworker is located in another country away from him. Would you think it is possible for them to build a meaningful relationship together? Also, should I wait for him to contact me, or should I make the first move first? I am afraid if I took awhile to contact him, he might get use to my lack of presence and the chances of me reconciliation with him would be low…
Please advise!

Gina
Gina

Hi. My ex and I broke up a little more than 2 weeks ago. we didn’t end in a bad term. He said he didn’t feel the same anymore and he can’t do it anymore, he didn’t wanna hurt me than he already was. I applied no cantact 10 days after we split and yesterday, 20 days after we broke up, i just discovered that is already with another girl. My friend got really upset cos she thought he cheated and went to ask him about it but he answered no and he said he never cheated. He said he’s just getting to know her and he just doing what he can to feel better. Do i still have a chance after all this? Ill be going to another country for a year and he promised to take care of my pet while im away so it isn’t gonna be hard to see him again if I want to after the no contact period. Should I follow the rule or should I just go ahead and see him?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Regardless, you should be considering NC right now at least to sort your emotions out first, because contacting him while you’re feeling hurt will only cause you to come across as desperate and needy and this would further ruin any chances you have at winning him back. Pick that up, and then consider your options again.

Naomi
Naomi

Hi Kevin, I broke up with my ex, mainly due to stupidly listening to my friends and not being strong enough to tell them they were wrong etc… I hated my decision but was very lost and confused.. he was devastated and was crying down the phone etc for most of the week! I saw him a week later and we spent the weekend together with lots of tears but passion as well. I said I just needed time, mainly because I was in counselling and wanted to talk everything through with her. I phoned him and said I wanted to be with him, he said he didn’t know what to say but we could do something Wednesday. We saw each other Wednesday, he stayed over and made me breakfast, kissed me goodbye as I went to work, phoned me in the car to listen to a piece of music he’d heard and said we’d do something Friday. That night I phoned him just to chat and he said he wasn’t sure about Friday anymore. I drove to his house Friday to sort things out and he got in my car, and cried, told me he loved me, was kissing me but he had to tell me something. He’d met someone in that week of a breakup and he had seen her Tuesday and was meant to be seeing her Friday night. I begged him, I told him not to go etc and after he’d finished work he was on the phone to me the whole time on the way to her house crying, saying he didn’t know what to do and that he loved me. He went there anyway and didn’t contact me the whole weekend until Monday saying we were over. I saw him Monday cause I drove to his work and he hugged me, stroked my hair, kissed the top of my head while I cried and said he’d be there for me and part of him wanted to just get in the car and say let’s do it. He again, went there anyway. The first time he was alone without me or her he was texting me making sure I was okay, and again sending me music that we used to listen to. I wrote him a letter which he still hasn’t read, cause he said it’s too emotional but he’s still seeing her! He told me I’d be okay and sorry. But whenever he’s not with her he messages me? How do I get him back!?!? P.S the new girl is 19, and has recently broken up with her ex. My ex is 25 and a personal trainer and after some bad stalking (I know… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well, seeing her probably makes him feel better and eases the pain he feel regarding the breakup with you. It’s likely that she may be a rebound considering how he started dating her almost immediately after, which is a sign of avoidance and not wanting to deal with the break up itself.

Naomi
Naomi

What should I do? We’ve spoken everyday since the breakup… when it’s just simple conversation it’s all okay but as soon as I bring anything up he goes quiet. He tells me he’s finding it hard and doesn’t want to think about anything. He’s been with her a week now 🙁 I don’t want to lose him.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you genuinely want to win him back and he’s just starting to date someone else but still is positive contact with you, my suggestion would be to build up attraction and a sense of familiarity first instead and give him a reason to want to come back. Since he does not want to address the issue now, then focus keeping the conversation positive so that his negative memory of the past may eventually be replaced.

Evans
Evans

Hi there. I just would like to seek your opinion. I was dating this guy for 9 months and we share a great deep connection, and we both know it. However, he was never able to commit in a relationship due to his own personal issues and fears. We agreed to remain as more than friends and continued seeing each other frequently whenever he is back home from his business trips. However, things started to become heavier due to my own insecurities and we had quite a fair number of arguments. We lived together for 6 weeks, and the relationship became very stressful for him as we had several moments of friction too. He told me that was when he started to lose his feelings for me and felt that having two strong personalities do not work out. I know of my issues and thus, whenever I felt him withdrawing, I did not know how to give him space. After we flew back home from living together, he suddenly went cold and distant, which I did not know why. I did everything your article told me not to do.. and became so desperate and texted him incessantly. He contacted me a day after we came home and told me that he had slept with someone else, and told me that he wanted to end things. I reduced my texts and tried to move on. However, a week later, he contacted me and told me that he is now dating the girl (who is a complete different girl from his usual type), that he took an interest in a fling more than he should. However, he still wants me to be his friend because he knows that he will not get to have another connection like we shared with anyone else. I began to become very needy and clingy again over the loaded texts.. and before I knew it, he said that I have pushed him up to the wall and he felt so suffocated. A few days later, he told me that he is now attached and thus hopes I’ll move on. Told me too that being with me helped him to realize that he needs a woman who is of a very submissive nature, and also because this present relationship feels lighthearted for him, that he does like her but he does not know if it will last. However, he does not really know if he sees a future with her but he has chosen to be committed to her and decided to go with it and try to make it work even though he does see many red flags. To him, it is a different kind of happiness… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

To be perfectly honest, it seems to me that he may be the type to run away whenever he encounters too much stress or conflict which was why the relationship ended. You won’t know now for sure but keep in mind the possibility of him having thrown convenient excuses and reasoning to make you feel better by saying that he feels connected with you but it’s different, wants to be friends, both get married in the future if single at a certain age, etc. You’ll probably only know if he’s sincere about everything he said when you contact him again after some time has passed and you are more stable, depending on his response.

Evans
Evans

We still contact here and there. He claims that he is very happy with this current girl and that he has been having much difficulties wrapping his head around the emotions he is feeling, also saying that he does feels like he is falling for his girlfriend. He mentioned to me that it was because of me that helped him to let go. I am not sure if this is a rebound relationship, but I know we do have great potential together which he did agree too if I had learnt to give a man his space. In this scenario, I am wondering if the methods that are stated in this article be of any chance at success? Or anyone has actually managed to attain success before

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps if you visit our forum page, you’ll be able to find some success stories regarding other people’s relationships. There’s always a chance at success but the circumstances would vary for everyone. It really depends on how the situation plays out and many of these aspects (beside focusing on yourself) aren’t areas you have control over.

Megan van der Lingen
Megan van der Lingen

Hi Kevin and fellow broken hearts im so grateful for this article. I just have a question. I have initiated no contact period with my ex it seems he has moved on but i really want him back and for the right reasons. Im following Kevins tips about how to be a happier healthier version of yourself. I have even been on 2 dates but no more than a peck on the cheek with the dates because i actually really want my ex back. My question is when is the perfect time to start texting him as i want to hit that sweet spot you speak of. I have quoted this section of your article below.
“After you’ve been in no contact for a while, it’s time to contact him again. However, you must know the timing has to be just right. If he stays in the relationship with his new girlfriend (who is not a rebound) for a long time, he will get more invested in that relationship and he will be less likely to come back to you. You will have to hit the sweet spot when it comes to timing. You have to give him just enough time to miss you, but not enough to completely forget about you.”

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It depends on the stage of no contact you’re in, how long you’ve been broken up for, how the relationship ended and whether his new girlfriend is a rebound or not. If you said that he might have moved on, I assume that some time has passed. You could always try to contact him soon, but more as a friend and see how he responds to you. If it’s positive, you could continue the conversation to see where it leads but if it’s a negative response, based on what you’ve said, there might be a chance that he has already moved on and in which case, you might want to consider doing the same. If an opportunity presents itself in the future, you could always consider again if you still have feelings for him.

Rue
Rue

Hi. I have been dating this guy on and off from 2013 to 2017. He has broken up with me before and would come back. He broke up with me sometime last year citing that we don’t see things the same way. I could see why he was saying that. I have tried to move on, I have gone on dates, but I really do still love him and I have been working on improving myself, and I understand why he has acted the way he has,previously- something I couldn’t understand, which would upset me, while we were together. The problem is he is dating a lady in another country, now..they share the same culture and she was in his life before he dated me, though they were just friends, but she wanted more.We had arguments about her as he would keep contact with her. Now they communicate like a couple, and I live in the same house as my ex, and she is across the ocean. How can I get him back?Do you think I still have a chance?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You still have a chance but it’s a small one and provided you’re patient enough to wait, because you’ll have to wait for their relationship to end before you can try anything. Continue improving yourself in the meantime so that when an opportunity presents itself in the future, you’ll be a changed person in his eyes.

Queen
Queen

My ex and I had a big fight in December 2016. We were together for 4 years. We were messing around until January 2018. In September of 2017, we started dating this girl, and she asked him out in January of 2018, and he said yes. He told me that he was never going to ask her out, and to wait for him For 4 months because he didnt know how it would turn out. We had sex the day that he told me. We didnt speak since then because I was upset. A mutual friend told me that he said he could never love his new girl, and not like he loved me. And also that he still brings me up. And she can tell In His eyes that he still loves me. And that she doesn’t think he really wants to be with her. How can I get him back? We are currently not on speaking terms, but if we spoke to each other, we would be okay with responding. We recently just took each other off of our block lists

Also, he came to my Hometown quite a few times over the summer 2017 just to see me and be with me. And he constantly called me at work to talk to me and left me voicemails telling me that he loves me, and call me to say good morning. This was all over summer 2018, before he began dating her. And even after they were dating. I think he’s fearful of being with me again because he thinks he’s gonna get hurt.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Then you’ll have to prove to him that he has no reason to fear getting hurt again because you’ve changed as a person (which you should be doing at this time), but you would probably only get the chance to do so after he has ended things with her. For now, you’ll probably have to continue on with your life and focus on making positive changes to yourself.

Bianca
Bianca

MY boyfriend and I were together 5 years and he broke up with me and told me he needed space. During this space period he would still text me and we would have friendly conversations. I later found out he had been hooking up with a co worker I was cordial with during the last month of our relationship. He was trying to keep it secret and when I confronted he told me she met nothing and was an outlet. He told me he wants to remain friends we have sex about 3 times a week and whenever he is not around his new beau he is texting me. I ask him for boundaries and what he wants from me and he just says “We don’t know what the future will hold” I am still deeply in love with him but I don’t know if sleeping with him is the best idea. When he isn’t around her he acts like we are still together but when he is around her I am chop liver. Is this new relationship he is in serious and should I move on and just leave him alone.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Sleeping with him is definitely not the right thing to do if you want him back in your life as more than someone he turns to when bored or wants to hookup. He could’ve been hooking up with her because he got bored of the relationship with you and lost feelings of passion. It’s most likely that she will be a rebound for him, but you should not complicate things right now by getting involved as well. Instead, perhaps considering going into No Contact to provide some distance between the two of you, so that the breakup would actually hit him.

nicole
nicole

Hi, so my ex broke up with me very recently for another girl. However the circumstances are weird. she lives in a different country. They met up for the first time for a few days, when she went back to her country he broke up with me for her. However he says he still loves me but loves her as well and says maybe in the future we can be something again . What do you advise me to do in order to win him back?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It could be that he got bored of the relationship with you, and that this new girl provides novel excitement. However, because it is LDR, there’s a high likelihood that it would not last since he probably didn’t even get a chance to build up meaningful experiences with her before she left. I would suggest going into No Contact for now, and I suspect that he would begin texting you again once he realizes that this ‘new’ relationship doesn’t actually have any meaning to it.

Ali
Ali

Hi,
So I have been in a 3 year on and off again relationship. It is both our senior year of college, and out of no where he told me he lost feelings and interest for me. He said he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now, and just wants to enjoy his last few months of college. However, I found out that hes been consecutively hooking up wit the same girl. I am nervous that he will catch feelings for her. What do you think? How do I get him to believe trying a relationship with me is worth it again? How do I get him to catch feelings again?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

He may have ended things with you because he was bored with the relationship and wanted to explore his options out there, given that he is graduating soon. His hookups with this girl is evident of that, and cheating may be something you risk facing if you try to get back with him at this point. However, if you still intend to get him back, you would probably have to figure out why he lost interest in the relationship with you (attraction, communication, etc) and try to work on those issues before you try to convince him to reconcile.

Rachek
Rachek

I dated a guy for six months, we were never in an official relationship but I was so in love. I wasnt sure he wanted to commit and always thought he didnt felt the same way. Until one day he told me he wanted to remain friends cause he was really interested in dating this other girl. My heart broke. I never told him how I felt but Ive really fallen for this guy. He started dating the girl and are now in relationship. However, we never lose contact, we started seeing each other again and things got messy. He cheated on his new girlfriend with me several times. I know it was wrong but I was so in love with him I didnt care. Now she has found out and he asked me to never talk to him again because he wanted to make things right. Im really hurt, I know he never cared. I dont know what to do.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You should stop all contact with him and focus on picking yourself up from this, and walking away. As you’ve said, it’s clear that the other girls means more to him and you don’t know where you stand in all this especially since you were never officially together.

Archana
Archana

I and my bf are in a relationship of 7 yrs but since 6 months he was talking to my friend and she told him all the negative things about me slowly slowly he fell in love with her and cheated on me but he also talks to me and we were about to marry but Now he says he is confuse about the marriage and he dnt love that girl but also he doesnt show the same efforts and love which he use to before with me what should i do how can i get him love me again and want me again plz answer

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If he is so easily swayed by what other people tell him about you, there isn’t much you can do to convince him since this is a problem that lies with him. Everyone has their flaws, but he has chosen to accept yours when he got together with you. If he allows what other people tell him to sway his decision, then no matter what you do to improve, he may simply let someone affect his feelings towards you again in the future.

M
M

My ex and I broke up in August and reconnected in October he was very excited to be talking again on the road and admitted he loved me twice by I kept pushing him away out of fear. He blocked me for a month and then when we met so he could give me my things he got very emotional but stayed in his decision said he missed me and would miss me and maybe we can be friends. My friend who works with him just told me she heard around the office that he is going to make a new relationship official on instagram next week and now any hope i had is kind of lost. we were together for three years, he wanted to marry me. Is that really just all gone in two months? Please help. Thanks

Also, this doesn’t seem like him. His ex before me cheated on him and just wasn’t a good person and yet he didn’t date me until 9 months after that. This just seems left field. Apparently he told my friend he feels like “a new person”. I know i had pushed him away but is it really entirely over?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

There’s a chance that this new relationship is a rebound relationship, but you can never be certain. Since he’s in a new relationship already, it might be a wiser choice to focus on moving on even though it may be a rebound because there’s no saying how long the relationship might go on for, and it would only hurt you further by waiting for him.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Perhaps he’s getting wary of your intentions and isn’t ready yet to get back into a relationship again. However, it’s also apparent that he has feelings for you and cares for you still. I would suggest taking things slow since he may be feeling pressured at the moment depending on your actions. Show him that you’re capable of spending time with him without coming across as too desperate or needy in wanting him back. This would help him build his comfort level towards you, and you should only take it forward from there.

Ella
Ella

My boyfriend and I broke up a year ago because of his personal issues (mental health etc.). However we remained on and off friends during the break up time until a month ago when I said we could not speak anymore. But when we see eachother there is still a connection, and I always think he is still the one. He has just started seeing someone else who is the complete opposite to me, nothing like him, and all our friends see it. What do I do?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It depends on whether that opposite is a good thing or not. You should give him space regardless in the meantime since he’s started to date someone new, and you were the one who drew the line. However, it seems likely to be a rebound relationship since he’s dating someone completely different from you, which means he’s trying to run away from the breakup by dating someone that would not bring back any memories relating to you.

Fiona
Fiona

I really need some help my ex and I were together for nearly 5 years high school sweethearts it came to the third year where things went wrong he did cheat and we did break up where he decided to sleep around during this time I took him back and yet again he left and done the same thing instead this time I slept with someone else too and it really hurt him I thought he would never come back after I slept with someone else but he did we got back together for a year there were major trust issues and no respect from both sides he’s not left again but This time whilst moving on he wants nothing to do with me and made it clear He is never ever coming back again and he regrets getting back together in the first place and doesn’t know why he did I’m heartbroken and I don’t know what to do I want him to change and be the man I need but I think he really means it this time when he’s told me and his family he is never coming back

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If you genuinely want him to change and be the man you need, perhaps he actually needs the space to grow emotionally and mentality still, which might have been limited while he was around you. It’s may not be your fault, because not every relationship is compatible in the sense that they compliment each other in growth at particular stages of life. In your case the transition from high school to adulthood is a big one, and relationships that overlap into that phase tend to face certain obstacles because people mature at different speeds. However, it’s not to say that he will never fall for you again some time in the future, but you might have to give each other some time and space apart first.

Fiona
Fiona

So when he has said that he’s never coming back this time does he really mean it? Or do I just give it time and hope for the best and wait

Casey Lister
Casey Lister

My ex broke up with me about a month ago. He said he no longer felt the same and he had got a new girlfriend within 3 days of him splitting up with me. I’m unsure if she is a rebound because they were talking while we were still together. We have a 2 year old son together. He was my first love and i thought we would be together forever. We were together for 5 years before the break up. I honestly cant afford the ex back permanently program so any help or advice would be great

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would really depend on how the relationship was like towards the end – whether there were a lot of fights, if he showed concern or didn’t seem to care, loss of attraction, etc. If you were together for 5 years and even share a 2-year old son, it’s likely that the relationship was a meaningful one, just that at some point during the relationship, things had changed. In most cases, it tends to come from the lack of excitement or passion after being together for so long, and one party gets bored. There’s a good possibility that his new girlfriend is a rebound because she comes across as a new experience for him, and a change of pace from the last 5 years of being with the same person. If you want him back, the best thing you can do right now is to pick yourself up, and figure all these issues out with the relationship and work on them (on your own part at least). Give him space to actually feel the emotional gap of being with someone that isn’t you, and if it really is a rebound, his relationship with the new girl probably won’t last very long.

🌺
🌺

Hi there,

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 4 months ago, and those past for months have been incredibly tough for me. I broke up with him because school and work got in the way and we no longer had enough time for each other. We started out as friends, so you can imagine how it felt for me to lose him. I did the no contact rule and only talked to him when he approached me, which was rare and still is. We go to the same school and we pass each other in the hallway all the time, but we turn our heads the other way. It’s very awkward.

At first, I had hope that things would turn out alright, because we’d talk occasionally and things weren’t too bad. But recently, I found out that he’s dating another girl. And ever since them, he stopped contacting me. I can’t tell him that I still love him because that will hurt me, and it’s just wrong. I’m scared to even talk to him because I’m afraid that he’ll see it as me trying to get back together with him. For now, I just want to be friends.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Under these circumstances, if he only recently got together with someone new and this new knowledge has been hurting you a great deal, it just means that you haven’t picked yourself up from the break up. I suggest that before you even think about being friends with him, that you need to find ways to first recover from the pain and not let yourself be so emotionally affected by things. If you still want to be with him down the road, you’ll need to show him you’re doing well, and make him think of you again.

🌺
🌺

How do I show him that I’m doing well and make him think of me? I don’t even know how to approach him…

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

At the moment, if he’s dating someone else, there isn’t much you can do about the situation considering that you were the one who initiated the break up. Hopefully this relationship he is in is merely a rebound, and it won’t last. Wait for an opportunity if you really want him back. In the mean time, you could always start to make your presence known (social media), and continue to work on improving aspects of your life and being less emotionally invested in him as ironic as that sounds.

🌺
🌺

I have a class with him… Would saying hi be appropriate? I fear that the more time passes of no contact, the harder it will become for us to reconnect. What kind of opportunity am I waiting for?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

An opportunity would probably him breaking up with the person he’s dating now. It would be hard to reconnect at the moment regardless because he’s with someone else, and would probably be guarded against you.

Mary
Mary

My boyfriend broke up with me around a month ago after a 9-month relationship. I have been overseas for 4 of those months, though. Once I was in no contact with him, he sent me messages asking why I was ignoring him and when he could have our friendship back. We’ve been talking for the last few days and Skyped last night. He told me that he went through his rebound phase and that he’s starting to focus in on a girl now. Has he really moved on, though? The girl resembles me and is part of why we broke up since I felt that he was developing feelings for her. He said that he was attracted, but that there was no emotional connection.
He mentions reconnecting when I return, but I’m worried that he’s just keeping me on his back burner. He asked me if I had been with anyone. I told him that I haven’t and he expressed that he felt relief, despite hoping that he wouldn’t. We were well-matched and saw a future together, but he missed my physical presence with the long distance relationship. He also felt that the distance was putting too much strain on the relationship since we were arguing all the time. What’s going through his mind? I’m having such a hard time understanding.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It seems like the case where he still cares for you, but the long distance does put a strain on how he views things, and the new girl he has been focusing on seems like his way of coping with the relationship gap in his life since you have been overseas. I don’t think he’s fully moved on, and if you still want to give it a shot or re-connect with him when you are back, feel free to do so, but take things a step at a time.

K
K

Me and my ex-boyfriend, both around our early 30’s, broke up almost 3 years ago. We were together for several months. I left him because of what I thought was inevitable to do so (part of them being visa problem, since we met in overseas, and another part was his intense jealously). After the break up, he sent me messages from time to time, like in every 5 or 6 months – of which none of them I felt that they were desperate but instead simply asking me how I was doing and that he hope to keep in touch with me as a friend if I feel the same. It took me 2 years to finally stop dwelling on the past and send him a reply. After that, we slowly started to get back in touch, and as we did, I have started to feel that I may have made the wrong decision to have left him back then. I have made the choice of calling him. The conversation basically got to a point of me asking him for a second chance, and that was when he told me he won’t be a ble to see me as more than a friend because he’s seeing someone else for a while now. Since it was before I have found your articles, I followed all my instincts and did/said all the things the article has told me not to do as a reaction. At the end of our conversation, I managed to get myself somehow back in track, but I do know it was not my best performance. I understand that he has completely moved on, probably a long time ago, and assuming from the way he have explained to me, I feel he is investing to his new relationship. Our conversation left us with a question of whether I would like us to keep in touch as a friend. I told him I probably will not be able to do that, though I would like to. He understood and respected my feelings and he told me he will not contact me if that’s what I wish. I understand his situation, more that it is the consequences of what I have done 3 years ago and I am aware that I do not have a right to get in his way of happiness that he had finally found. I guess there’s nothing really I can do at this point, so my only hope left now, is to secretly hope that the situation changes and, knowing that I still have feelings for him, maybe he will contact me again then. So, as for time being, while I will try to focus on… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

I feel that getting in touch with him as a friend for now would be the better choice, if you are able to do so, because 3 years was a long time ago, and if he’s already moved on since, you’ll need to create a new bond with him in order to have a shot at him falling for you again in the future.

mari
mari

So I dated my ex for one year and we’re together for 3 years. It was Rocky because I admit to having trust issues. We broke up and had no contact for about 2 months. Then became friends that eventually started sleeping over again. We were friends no arguing with all the couple things like hanging out running errands and shopping. Things were great. I got injured and was bed rest for 6 weeks, he visited me and surprised me. Next thing two weeks later he has a f2f. It didn’t hurt surprisingly I was okay with him moving on. Then not hanging out with him anymore I’ve realized I’m not okay with it and I do want to be with him. So he’s been in this relationship for about one month now. But we still text and I will admit to sending revealing photos because he’s asked for them. And I’ve told him I do wish to be with him and would do anything, he says it’s too late but how late is it if I’m not the one that always texts him “good morning” or that he asks for pictures and does mention the next time I see him. I don’t want it to be too late and I do want to be with him. What should I do next?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It would seem like he definitely still has feelings for you, but after 3 years being together might want to explore his ‘options’. However, because you were together for 3 years, he is used to the idea of continuing to talk to you and is comfortable with it. If you want him back, I suggest actually going into No Contact because it seems that in the current situation, you haven’t given him the space to actually process the breakup and start to miss you, which is why he is adamant about not wanting to get back together.

mari
mari

I’m scared that if I give him space he’ll focus on this gf and won’t miss me and then it will be too late. I have not spoken to him in a couple days but it is killing me inside.

mari
mari

I’ve tried dating other people but it didn’t feel right and didn’t feel the same.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Continuing to talk to him would definitely still keep him around, but are you sure you want to remain in this cycle where he knows that he is able to do whatever he wants, because you currently need him more than he does.

mari
mari

I’ve started to back off and not try to pursue him anymore. But what do I say or do when he does text me? I feel a bit weird but I like the attention, he only texts me when he’s not around his girl friend. Do I think anything of it and maybe just wait for things to fall into place or is it nothing to think about and just let it fade?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

At the end of the day, you’ll have to figure out what it is you want. Not pursuing him or cutting contact with him may hurt now, while continuing to let yourself develop stronger emotions for him while he is still attached would only hurt you later on. It’s normal to enjoy the attention because it makes you feel important that he would be willing to go behind his girlfriend’s back to text you. However, just remember that if he is capable of doing that now, there’s a risk of it happening in the future if the two of you were to work something out.

Bailey
Bailey

So my ex boyfriend and I dated for 4 years, first love, inseparable and very close with his family. When I went away to college I was confused and feeling unsure because I felt like I needed to be single and experience life without him. I broke up with him and was fine, I tried not to think about it at all and started talking to a new guy. My ex was very heartbroken and we almost got back together a few times but I was stupid and chose the new guy. I regret that decision so much and want my ex back more than anything and wish I could go back and change my mind, and really have been down lately because I miss him so much. We haven’t spoken in months and he blocked me on all social media and I’m terrified to reach out to him, especially because he apparently just started dating someone new. I don’t know if it’s serious but I’m so scared that I lost him forever and I really don’t know what to do.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

You should not contact him at this point since he’s dating someone new and he may not take you seriously. Give it some time and move on with your life for now. If at a later date things don’t work out with him and his date, you could initiate contact again with him if you’re still keen.

Delilah
Delilah

Kevin,
I want my ex back permanently. Here’s the story…We started seeing each other. It got was just beginning to get serious. I met his oldest child. He told his mother about me. I told my mother about him. Then, suddenly he was contacted by his ex. She professed all her feelings she still had for him. He told me about it all and said he was confused. They have been living apart for 2 1/2 years and recently filed for divorce. However, I have been his only relationship since their separation. We had been together for 4 months. I dedcidely told him if he was confused, he should try to work things out as reuniting a marriage, and considering they have a 4 year old son together, would be a priority…if he had any doubts at all that he needed to invest in that relationship. This may sound crazy, but closure is necessary when ending a marriage and I feel he deserves to figure that out without my influence since he has any doubt at all. Therefore I am in no contact at day 6 now. I truly feel I did the honorable, self-respectful choice. I love him. These are my feelings and I have to feel them and heal through this alone. But here is my question. If she is doing this through only jealousy, what would be the natural progression of what’s going to happen? I will not communicate throughout this process but I would like to know what are the chances of it ending permanently between them? I’m in no hurry, because I know he has a lot of feelings to discern even if it doesn’t work between them. But I still would like to hear your perspective so I’m not completely clueless. I have never been in this situation (or rather never had to remove my own self in honor of the circumstances).

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

If his ex is only doing this out of jealousy, it is most likely that whatever caused the divorce to happen in the first place would repeat itself since her actions were not made in a calculated and logical manner but rather, in an emotional desperate attempt which may work because of the closure they need, but would not last long term.

kristi
kristi

I did 45 days no contact, my ex texted me the whole time during no contact. (I broke up with him and told him not to contact me anymore) After I finally agreed to meet him for coffee (he kept asking) I did and I found out through social media he got a new girlfriend. But I want him back now. I’ve hung out with him 5 times but made the mistake of sleeping with him. What is the best thing to do now? Do I go back to being friends and how long do I wait to tell him he has to choose between her and I? Shouldn’t that be more than like 2 months and not just after a few times of hanging out?
thx

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Right now if he’s gotten together with a new girl and still wants to sleep with you and pesters you to meet up, there is a likelihood that he may trying to play you out. Take caution of that, and consider that making him choose between her and you might actually leave you devastated if the answer isn’t what you want.

kristi
kristi

Thanks for the reply. What do you mean by play me out?
I will definitely keep my radar up for that. i want to know either way but don’t know how to approach bringing up its her or I. Do I wait more until we’re closer friends, do I wait until he says something? do I wait for some sign. I’m not sure when to give up on getting him back and moving on or when to keep trying.i guess thats my confusion too.do i wait months or wait until something happens

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

What I mean by playing you out is that he may be sleeping with you because it’s easy and the moment he gets bored, he might just decide to stop or walk away. I would suggest waiting it out until at least you’re in a slightly more advantageous position for him to actually make a choice. Currently if you make him choose, there may be a chance he goes with her because she is still novel and brings something new into his life.

kristi
kristi

Thank you! Very helpful. how long do you suggest I wait it out? we usually hang out 1-2 times a week. I will make sure not to give into sleeping with him while I wait it out. Is a month or two good enough time or longer? Also how would I bring up the conversation of making him choose. is that something he should do on his own or should I bring it up until I’m in a more advantageous position? thx again

Jess
Jess

Hi Kevin, my ex of 3 years and I have been broken up almost 3 months. He is with another girl as far as I know. I have had no contact for this entire time. I am getting ready to say something but I am absolutely terrified! I have had 20 major surgeries from age 2 – 13 and this terrifies me.. I think I’m more afraid he will reply back to me! Our relationship did not end well and he ended it. But my heart wants what it wants. Please help me come to a decision to either let sleeping dogs lie or live a little and the worst risk is the one not taken.. 🙄

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

My suggestion would actually to not contact him right now because he is currently with someone else and you don’t want to come across as the third party. Also he may not take you seriously since he may be in a happy relationship (or not but you don’t know for sure) and considering that the relationship did not end well. Wait it out a little longer for an opportunity before texting him.

N
N

Hi, I’m 26, and he is 27 years old. We were together for 9 months and I meet his friends and family.
7 days ago he broke up with me. Reason for breaking up was that he doesn’t have time for me, that he isn’t sure what he wants, maybe it’s other girls, but he has everything he wants with me, so he needs time to think. But I think that he has someone else now.
Few days after the break up he sent me a message that he is thinking of me every day, and i replyed to him after an hour that i’m glad that it’s like that.
I know where i was making mistake in our relationship, i was always there and available for him, almost like i didn’t have my own life. Now I don’t know how to repair mistake and how to get him back?
Thank you

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Well, you have to show him that you’re capable of living without him and perhaps that was the problem. By forever being available and there for your partner, it’s easy for your partner to take advantage of that and take you for granted in the process because it becomes a boring relationship to him. I suggest focusing on your own life for now (remember before you guys got together, you were living life perfectly fine without him), and pick yourself up from where you left off back then.

Kim
Kim

My ex and i broke up 3 weeks ago. He post feelings for me and he is in love with his ex. I still Miss him and i want to get back with him. Do i still have a chance with him?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

I think it would be better to let him get over his ex before you take another shot or consider anything since he may start projecting his feelings towards his ex on you and it isn’t fair to you.

Jenny
Jenny

What is a typical response time after the initial text?

Tk
Tk

I typed a very long message but it never showed in the comments 😔. Here goes: he breaks up with me, has a rebound (quite fast), love bombs me (guilt, missing me, loving me and regret, wanting to marry me), we plan to work on us due to fear of repeating our bad parts of our relationship, he gets new gf pregnant (unplanned by him not by her (her story is how I know)), he stops love bombing me and rarely expresses feeling of love (only happens now when we don’t talk for a while like longest was 14 dayish), he never told me of the pregnancy I found that one my own (I was highly hurt and upset and he said he knew I would act like that upon finding out) I was upset so I told him something stupid like good luck and he said gee thanks, he at first was with her for fear of hurting her when she didn’t deserve to be broken up with and now I think it’s because she’s prego, he claimed and claims to love us both, but it’s not love for either of us I know (maybe twisted love if their is such a type), since our break up he has helped me fix my car for almost a year and at this point he has rebuild my car (new engine and transmission), first he told her was over me/doesn’t talk to me/ and lied at first about helping me. His lies are starting to show and she’s still acting calm and idk why. He cheated on me when we were together and I mentally lost it always feared losing him and he always threatened to leave me when I got emotional and insecure. Sure he’s an asshole but they seem so perfect. Very jealous of all that I see from the window looking in. Things I see he wasn’t so much with me. I know what’s best and I’m stubborn as hello, I over analyze about situations trying to find out the mystery, of her, him and me. Why everyone behaves the way they do. He distroyed me and I’ve never been the same since. Playing my role as best as I can to win him back for a long time. I know karma is real, I’ve lived it and I know his will come around someday. Maybe it’s her like he was for me. But I don’t understand why she hasn’t snapped from the red flags or naturally (how she got where she is isn’t from being a sane woman). He’s playing a fool to her games and she’s playing stupid to his deceit. I never learned how long… Read more »

Tk
Tk

I know it hasn’t been approved but I’d like to add that she said she will financial support him when they first meet. She basically asked for him to look at her like a desire to be used. He did at first use her and she cut him off when she found she was prego. Her back story is as follows: catfished (his pics) by bff and thought she was with him for real, bought him jewelry, kept pics and jewelry for over 8 years and took the time to hunt him down and “find out who he was” she randomly shows up at his job shortly after we broke up and gives him her number. They end up together and she tells him the story and gives him the jewelry for the close holiday. He tells me and the first thought is wow that’s not normal! I worried for him and told him how insane that is and how she could harm him if he’s strays or does something worth her snapping for. How did she know he was single? Lied about not being able to have kids? Get a house so fast and make him think she’s making a lot of money? Trust fund baby? Idk but it seems she planned this.

Iaia
Iaia

My ex and I became official 3 months after his first relationship (of 2 months; he was dumped) ended. We were together for 8 months. We met each other’s family and friends and the love was real (but maybe his was just not enough for him to sustain the relationship) although it could be a honeymoon thing as it was only 8 months.

His reasons of breaking up with me included stress, could not cope with my expectations, no longer felt at ease with me, and ultimately loss of his love/feelings for me. He did admit he missed me around 1 month after break up but then it transformed to “I had no more feelings for you” over the next few weeks.

I’m thinking maybe it’s ME that is the rebound (although we both dedicated our love in the relationship). I tried no contact around 2 months after break up and the longest was 25 days (he didn’t contact me as well) and then I started bombarding him with messages.

The breakup was 4 months ago and now he’s in a new relationship again (I was texting him “if we’re given one more chance I would really cherish it”; then he broke the news to me: “Sorry Iaia, I’m already in a relationship again”. Here, I wished him well and stopped the messages.

I used to think (I still do) he had to learn what commitment should be, and now that he is a new relationship, although I wish him well, I think the same old issues would repeat again (feeling helpless and overwhelmed by his SO’s needs and expectations which happened to his two previous relationships including the one with me). But I also understand I’m not his counsellor; that’s his own lesson to learn now.

What should my mentality be? I probably have some kind of answer. But what bothers me is that whenever I wake up I still think of my ex, knowing that he has a new girlfriend instead of choosing to experience and learn about love together with me.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

It’s normal to feel this way especially if you haven’t really dedicated yourself to moving on yet. Like you say, you’re not his counselor so it may a better idea instead to focus on yourself. In an indirect sense, he’s started to move on already so you shouldn’t keep yourself in the past either.

Marlene
Marlene

I was in a FWB relationship for 2 years, we had moments of talking about taking it further, we never completely acted on it, 6 months ago he messaged me he had found someone, he calls his GF, however, he still regularly messages me, we have had sex 2 times and dinner a few times, while he has been with his GF, and we tell each other we love each other, how ever, he still stays with her….I do not know if their is a recovery chance with him or not….I am confused, in love with him, and recognize my situation is not normal, I need a more adaptive program for my situation….if its recoverable.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Firstly, you should be cutting off the FWB status with him since you know he has a girlfriend, and that makes you the ‘third wheel’ even if you do love him and have been with him longer. This creates the wrong mentality for him as he may not think of you as someone he would call his girlfriend since its been 2 years and things never progressed from FWB since but someone he met for a shorter period could become his girlfriend. I suggest creating some distance for your own sake and figure out if you want a relationship with him, or a FWB situation.

Sandra
Sandra

I love my ex so much but he has a girlfriend. He sometimes come to my place and ask to make love which I always say no. Recently I ask him to come back to me and he only told me that we both have moved on and I will only be his friend. I can’t stabilise in any relationship because he is always in my heart and mind. I feel that he is only one my heart belongs to and hurts so much seeing him far from me. I need help. Thanks

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Sandra,

It would be fair to yourself to at least spend time recovering and moving on since he already has a girlfriend. Even if you want to get back together with him in the future, at least work on your emotional state right now before trying anything.

Eli Rose
Eli Rose

Okay so I have a situation myself that made me end up here .. Me and my ex always had little bumps in the road and whatnots but everything changed when we found out I was pregnant.. I’m madly in love with this guy.. but he was really undecided about everything so I finally lost it and broke up with him. It’s been just about a month (I’m going to be 3 months pregnant next week) and well throughout that whole month. He was still very iffy about what he wanted to do. I took pretty much any chance to talk to to give about it but I still never really understood anything. Until last night when we actually stood face to face. At first he started with “I’m really thinking about adoption and I don’t think we should get back together” from there he went to “ I love you but I’m still hurt about everything I need more time” from there I had my doubts because he didn’t stick to just one thing 😔 so I told him that I regret breaking up with him and how I know I can’t take things back but I’m 100% sure I can change and that I’m positive if we both try the relationship can be a healthy relationship. I told him that I haven’t even been able to go out with or even talk to friends because he’s honestly the only person I want to be around more than anything. From there I offered him my phone.. I told him that he can go through absolutely everything 😔 he refused to take my phone and from there he started acting funny .. and when I noticed he had been checking his phone more than anything I tried asking for it … and for the first time ever he fought me for his phone. From there I just couldn’t think right .. the fact that i Legit been trying the most to work things out with him and he does that. So I asked him if he had a girlfriend if he was dating someone. He kept saying no and no. And I asked him not to lie to me. I told him that it hurts more when I’m lied to and it’s best to tell me the truth 😔💔 and he told me he was talking to this girl from work.. I was like okay so he told me and I asked to see the messages and he did … I clearly saw that all the attention I was looking for he was giving to this girl that he’s been talking to for a month .. he tried telling me… Read more »

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey Eli,

For starters, I’m sorry to hear that you have to go through such a devastating situation. You deserve every bit of attention you need right now. However, it’s best not to overthink things and if he says he will talk to her, perhaps let him be for now and see how it goes? You’ve enough on your plate without having to second guess every action or inaction that takes place.

Eli Rose
Eli Rose

Thank you for telling me this. It calms me down a bit. But something happened last night. When again he keeps telling me he loves me. He took me into his apartment but then he leaves to a party and doesn’t come back until 2am.. I’m passed out on the restroom floor. And as soon as he came home everything just felt right.. he helped me up got me into his bed, cuddled me, kissed me.. everything felt perfect again 😔 until I looked over and saw him texting her and then sending “goodnight😘”. And it just made me lose all hope. Then when we woke up he wanted me to stay there and wait for him to come home.. but I told him that I had bought a ticket and I’m leaving town .. and that I thought it’d make things easier if I didn’t leave an option.. so that way I’m not constantly waiting for his answer. He stayed quiet and he just kept telling me that he didn’t want me to leave and that he just wants more time to pass 😔 but I told I couldn’t stay here and wait for a heart break

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

That’s awfully strong of you to make the decision. I would have suggested the same thing. It’s not healthy for you or the baby to go through this, even though it feels ‘right’ if you’re constantly hurt in the process. Like I said before, you deserve every bit of attention but more importantly than that, you deserve to be happy. Since he has not stopped talking to her, it would be better if you not linger around with potentially false hope and end up hurt, over and over again.

Neko
Neko

I don’t know what to do. I have been with this guy for 5 years and I just recently found out that he was cheating on me.he We had already been arguing and saying mean things but we always made things “better” I guess you could say he tells me that he still loves me and he told her that he still loves me and that he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. He told me that there is still a chance that we can get back together or be good friends. But I really love him. I thought him cheating would make me hate him but I feel really lost.. it’s good that he said he could never hate me right? I know it takes time and I know about the no contact rule. But I’m so afraid that he will never be with me again….

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hey there,

When he says he still thinks there’s a chance you guys can get back together, I hope he means it without the third party? Before you consider anything more, you have to be considerate to yourself and respect yourself. Would you want to continue and be fine with your boyfriend having a third wheel?

Nina
Nina

Hello. There is this boy that I have been with for a year. We loved each other a lot but then some stuff happened and he broke up with me. A week or 2 later he’s with this girl that he says he loves. Though he told me not to tell her that he still loves me. In the end, he wants to stay with her even though he really loves me. I’m always around him and she lives like 2 hours away so he spends more time and texts me more than her. I tried telling him that I think he’s confused but he won’t listen. What should I do to let him know that I love him and that he should just stop and come back?

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Nina,

Perhaps he’s going through a rebound with her? In that case, I suggest applying the no contact rule to let him figure that out by himself. You shouldn’t interfere with a rebound as he might resent you for it and think you’re trying to manipulate him. If he still loves you, he will come back eventually.

Rosa
Rosa

Dear Kevin.
I have been dating this guy for 3 years. Then about four months ago I started suspecting he was cheating on me with some girl he met in a whatsapp group we share. When I kept confronting him about his flirting with her, he denied it, till he eventually dumped me two weeks ago, saying he doesn’t have feelings with me anymore. It’s clear he is dating her, am not being paranoid. I have not texted him since the breakup, which was through a chat. Do you think there is a chance it could be serious? Did I lose him a long time ago and should just move on? Please advise.

Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team
Ryan - Ex Back Permanently Team

Hi Rosa,

Speculation may not give you any closure or information. If you guys have been dating for 3 years, it’s highly likely that he truly loved you but something may have happened along the way. Firstly, give yourself some space and adopt the no contact rule. At the end of it, if you still feel that you want him back, I suggest you have an honest conversation with him about it.

keirra
keirra

Hi kevin im in a terrible situation and im so confused my bf and i of 7yrs and we also share a three year old. he cheated on me twice i have since left him and now his with the woman he cheated on me with. everytime we did drop off he would flirt with me. He tells me he will always love me but he is still with this other woman. After 3 months and he is still with her i made the poor decision of telling him i moved on with someone. he always thought i was cheating on him with someone from college but i never cheated. he did. after i told me he started questoning me about the guy and said he always new because i lied and told him it was someone from my college to make him jealous. How can i still fix us getting back together should i continue on with the lie and make him jealous until he wants me back? i still see him often since we have drop offs with our daughter. he is still with the girl he cheated on me with. please help i know i screwed up because a couple days before i lied to him he took me and his mom out for lunch please help me.
thanks

Andy
Andy

Hi,
My boyfriend and I were together for a year and 9 months, it was both of our first relationship and it was pretty serious and we were contemplating moving in together. In december I made a male friend who really bothered him and he was intensely jealous of this friendship and started acting out and being very mean towards me (reading my messages, saying rude things ect.). As time went on my friend and I got closer and closer because I was opening up about the emotional issues I was having in my relationship. My ex boyfriend broke up with me in march saying that I emotionally cheated on him (I don’t disagree) and we continued talking about potentially being together until April when we went no contact and he moved on with someone else. In May I saw him and things went well, he was affectionate and listened to me; but he was very conflicting and told me things like “I hope you find what you’re looking for” and then things like “I truly don’t want you to give up on me.” Then in june we stopped talking again for two weeks. Him and that girl are together now and I’m also seeing someone but my ex and I are talking again and have been for about a week. I want him back but I have no idea what to do because his texts are so dry and seemingly like he doesn’t care and has actually moved on. I do know he stalks my social media everyday though and finally just deleted our pictures off of instagram and facebook. I should also mention we’re two hours away from each other currently so seeing him is not the easiest.

Keisha
Keisha

Kevin please help me. Me and my ex were together 7 years. We broke up in October last year because I cheated . In february I began dating someone new and he made attempts to get back with me but I was talking to my new lover. The week before my birthday he brung flowers to my job and brought me a Mother’s Day gift. We did sleep together after that we didn’t really talk much. I just found he is seeing someone he says she’s a friend but I’m not so sure. I miss him a lot and want him back but don’t want to hurt my new lovers heart and apparently my ex and his new friend started talking. He is off Monday and we Are supposed to meet up concerning our son but I’m nervous. I am literally crying because I’m torn what do I do? Kevin please help

Sarah
Sarah

My fiance of 8 years broke up with me and immediately started dating his coworker. He ended up moving in with her. We have been broken up now for almost 2 months. I did all the wrong things at first like begging him back. That pushed him further away. I started making as little contact as possible with us having 4 kids together. This past monday he come over and he started making passes at me. Then, he gave me a very deep hug, if that makes sense. If felt like he cared followed by a “friendly” kiss as he called it. He said we have been best friends for 8 years and wants to continue being friends. Tues, I had no contact with him. Wed, he started making sexual passes again. Later that night he called me to tell me his new girlfriend of 1 month and him got engaged. They both felt like it was the respectful thing to do for me to hear it from them. Thurs came, with more sexual passes. Friday, i made a huge mistake and met up with him. We ended up having sex. I know it was wrong and im not gonna do it anymore. Im gonna tell him tomorrow. What does this mean and do you think i still have a chance to get him back.

Sarah
Sarah

Thank you Kevin! Its been a few weeks since I posted this and I just now seen it. I had it in my head that I’d talk to him and I did and we both agreed not to do anything anymore. It wasn’t just a few days of me having limited contact that he started doing it again. I’m ashamed to say I give in. We broke up once before and were fwb and got back together. I guess I was hoping for the same outcome. I am ashamed of myself and absolutely not doing it anymore. I’m gonna start the limited contact and keep it that way. I do have a question. Why is it that he asks me quite often if I’m talking or seeing anyone but yet has told me that I need to find somebody who makes me happy?

Angela
Angela

Hi,
I was dating my ex for 3 years in which we had lots of ups and downs. Towards the end, I was not attracted to him and also felt he was prioritising work and family, so broke it off. He tried after our break up to get back but I was hurting. After a year, we got back in touch and planned a friend holiday and he started casual dating . I didn’t expect it but that is making me question whether I have feelings as we have a great time together. Can u guide how to know if I’m over it or if I should try get back. We discussed it but he felt he was too hurt but still feels I’m his best friend.
Much thanks,
A

Ben
Ben

I was dumped almost two weeks ago by the first girl I ever fell in love with. I was the first boy she ever fell in love with, too. We moved out of home together and had lived together for three years. One week after she broke up with me I found out that she was already starting a new relationship. We were still living comfortably in the same house until then. I became extremely distraught and desperate. I fled home and in the next few days sent her many desperate texts and messages and cried in her presence twice while trying to be mature. She dumped me because I emotionally cheated on her by flirting online with other girls. I hate myself for it. I want to know if this new relationship is a rebound and if my desperate reactions over the course of three days will make it harder for me to win her back, if that is at all possible. Do you think she still loves me at all despite what I did to her?

Emma
Emma

Hi Kevin
I was with my ex for 5 years, we spilt up 3 years ago, we have stayed in constant contact with each other and became the best of friends. I unfortunately moved on after a year of the break up, but still was friends with my ex. My ex hadn’t moved on and made it clear he wanted me back. SO I decided I would take the plunge and finish with my current boyfriend to get back with my ex, unfortunately my ex was getting frustrated as it was taking so long, and sent me a shitty email. I planned to meet up with his to discuss, but couldn’t be for 3 weeks as i travel with work. when I got back from my work trip I contacted him to arrange a time and he informed me he had met someone else!!! I was in total shock and felt devastated, he could wait 3 years but not 3 weeks…..it doesn’t make sense! what shall I do? is there any hope for us? Now I am single, totally in love with me ex, but he now doesn’t want me!

Mary
Mary

Hi! I nees your advice please.

Me and my ex broke up 6 months already. I havent contact him since our break up i follow the NC until now I blocked him on facebook and intsagram. But we have a group of friends. I heard that my ex’s courting someone for about 2 months. I thought I moved on but I can feel the pain again. Our friends asked me if i still love him I reply them “Nope, Im done with him”. But i realized that I still love him so much. What should i do? Please help me thank you in advance!

Rachel
Rachel

Hi Kevin,

During no contact, if you’re still friends on facebook/have them on snapchat is it ok if they look at your posts?

Lou
Lou

Hi! I greatly appreciate this post. It’s exactly what I’m going through right now. So here’s my story: I just recently came from a breakup. But I can’t really be sure if it’s a breakup since there was never actually an us. I mean, we were not officially together. We labeled ourselves as best friends. So this guy was a friend of mine years back when we were in 1st yr in college. He was just a typical friend of mine. We were friends for a year since I transferred school. Ever since I transferred, we never got to see and talk to each other anymore. That was in 2012. Came Nov 2015, all of a sudden we started chatting. We haven’t talked for 3 years since 2012 so we were really just excited talking to each other again. Our friendship went back again and the longer we conversed, the deeper our connection got. We communicated through texts, calls and fb chat. Since then, we became officially best friends. We also got to hang out for us to see each other, which I think made us closer even more. This all happened from Nov 2015 to Jan 2016. Jan 2016 was the last time I saw him in person. Apparently, due to our closeness, we know we both had feelings for each other but the problem is that no one between us dared to open about it. I remember in Jan 2016 he asked me to hang out with him again. So we went to see movies and went to a theme park. I remember days before he told me how he was longing to have a girlfriend. And I believe that there was a hidden message in it. Its like he’s trying to tell me that he wants me to be his girlfriend. Came Jan 19 when we went out, that’s the time his interest in me was really obvious. He took a risk by holding my hand for the first time during the movie. When we went to the theme park, he hugged me on my waist from the back which I think is really really sweet and I miss that so bad. So the day ended and he dropped me off at a mall. Because of what happened throughout the day, I became really shy and speechless. I just hugged him and thanked him for the time he spent with me. The next day, we texted as usual. The days after that became a little awkward. Since we were texting but none of us again dared to open up about the recent hangout. I didn’t say anything because I was expecting him to talk about it first… Read more »

Karina
Karina

Hi Kevin,

I broke up with my ex 3 months ago because he started flirting/texting with this grl he works with. He started to act weird and I saw texts that were inappropriate, he basically emotionally cheated on me. I ended it but still wanted him, tried getting him back, but he didn’t want to. We still kept talking for a few weeks after and I confronted him about going to this concert with that grl he was talking to. We got into a fight and I ended it with lose my number.. never want to talk to you. Two weeks later he texts me this long thing about clearing up stuff, telling me he didn’t cheat on me, and how he pursued a relationship with the grl he was talking to and blamed me on why we broke up and said he still wanted to be friends.. I never responded.. Its been almost two months and hes still with this grl I think, im not 100% sure, haven’t heard anything from him.. but I feel like I want to talk to him again.. I just don’t know what to say, or if its even worth it..

Jim
Jim

We broke up with my girlfriend about 8 months ago. She wanted to leave the relationship and in the end I had no choice than to agree to the break up (she thought then it was mutual). We were together for 4 years. We are both over 20 years old. She was an exhange student in another country and during this period of few months she said she doesn’t love me in the same way as she used to. There was no other guy in the picture then. I cried a lot and acted desperate, i just wanted her back. I failed a lot because I became so needy and asked many times does she have any feelings and does she miss me… After our break up she said she still has feelings towards me. She said things like “i dont think its impossible that we would be together again in the future”. It felt like she would want a break and see how things will go after that. I went nc for 2 months after break up. Then we met in the summer at friends party. She wanted to meet me someday. We were talking casually and she was very very emotional. We talked for 3 hours. She told me that she had crushed on a german guy when she was an exchange student in sweden. She said she knew he liked her. and the guy listened to her about the break up etc….. Isn’t this a sign of rebound haha? I was also hanging up with another girl in the summer. We added pictures to instagram but not about ourselves. My exs friend had noticed this and told to her. My ex asked about this girl when we met after break up. I just said we are just friends. Afterall I couldnt be with this girl because I felt so bad. I had just seen my ex and my head was just messed up. We went to our homes after that meeting. Before I were going to sleep, I said I will be always there for her. During night she was rushed to hospital because she had fainted many times at home. The weird thing was that I saw a dream about this. Exact thing happened. I guess she just had an emotional overload? In the morning when I woke up to go to work I almost threw up after I saw that dream, it was so realistic. Then I checked my phone and she had sent messages what had happened. I went to see her after work. We saw couple of times after this and everything was fine. I even bought her flowers and chocolate on her… Read more »

Hannah
Hannah

Hi Kevin,
So me and my ex were together for 5 years, we had a child and were quite happy. But one thing after another happened, i got depression and his family left him, alot of pressure was added to the relationship so it ended, we have been broken up for 14 months now. He has slept with 2 people since then and has his eye on a girl but not in a relationship yet. He only remembers us fighting in our relationship and not all the good times we had, i did the no contact thing and have now said to be just friends to work at getting him to see we did and still can get along without fighting, Iv spent the last year improving on my mental health and myself and have made huge changes which everyone can see. But i still miss him so much. I dont know how he feels about me, i mentioned the being friends and he came over that night and tried to sleep with me again saying he wants to know what it feels like. Im so confused. Does he still like me or is he in two minds of his own weather to move on with this girl or try with me. He keeps saying we wont get back together so iv dropped the idea all together and since trying to build a friendship for our daughters sake he has become a little more interested. I want to know if he is just using me or if there is something still there and i have to just be patient and show him who i am now. I used to be happy and confident and funny when we first met then went to a dark place and thats all he sees anymore is the memory of the darkness. Im trying so hard it kills me when he says about other girls to me but then when he comes and tries to sleep with me i end up so confused. help x

Hannah
Hannah

Thank you, i did end up sleeping with him 🙁 i know i shouldn’t have, would i still be able to do everything you said but if he tries again to stand firm and say no? I was just so happy he came round and talked to me my feelings got the better of me but since then we are talking everyday but just as friends as he is interested in another girl but wouldn’t get in a relationship with her because of us always fighting :s I don’t mind if i have to wait because to me he was the one, we were planning on getting married but then through the stressful times i caught him sending pictures to a girl so kicked him out, he fought for me for a bit but i was to angry but once i calmed down it was to late and he preferred friends. I have fought for him but given up and decided on making a friendship to get him to remember how we are together its just extremely difficult with a daughter and another girl maybe coming in the picture x

Rooman16
Rooman16

My ex broke up with me because we didnt talk a lot because i was really busy and when i did i got nervous and its been 6 months i tried to get her back once he was hot for a bit and then went completely cold and say no she is dating someone else now and im pretty sure she knows i still have feelings for her and were in grade 10 and i have two classes with her and i have to sit beside her cuz my classes have a seating plan so i dont know what to do about the NC rule please help

Melanie
Melanie

Hi Kevin
My ex (22) broke up with me(25) little bit more than 2 month ago. We were together for a bit more than 1.5 years. The breakup came totally out of the blue for me and all he was able to say was that he’s not sure anymore and that it has some family reasons (I haven’t got the same nationality as him and his parents want him to get a girl like that).
For the first 4-6 weeks we saw each other every weekend while beeing out and that wasn’t really helpful to the situation. So when he left for vacation 4 weeks ago I started NC since we wouldn’t be able to bump in to eachother during that time.

Shortly before he left we went out for a drink and that I could give him his belongings back. That day he told me that he misses and thinks of me a lot but not in the way he thinks he should miss a gf and that he’s not over “us” but that he still thinks his decision was the right one otherwise he would have come back to me… But I think even if he thought the decision was wrong he wouldn’t just because of the CONSISTENCY.

So I just ended the 30 days of no contact and did exactly what you wrote in the 5 step plan. I changed a lot about myself and my life… Unfortunately he never contacted me during that time. Do you think that this is a bad sign? what would you do in my situation?

Thanks in advance Melanie

Melanie
Melanie

But since I am not 100% sure that I’m ok with the fact that we might not get back together, should I wait a little more? Do you think there’s still hope for us even after what he said and the fact that he didn’t contact me?
Thanks

ailana
ailana

Hi Kevin,
My husband and I have a 20 plus year relationship consisting of being best friends (with benefits), having a child, becoming a formal couple then married (9 years total/ 6 married). I know why he left basically and I agree the old relationship needed to change, and it was beginning to,but he felt it was too late and he was tired so he chose to leave. He became interested in someone else before leaving then ended up seeing her ( he says they are only friends who sleep together) and has been seeing her for almost 3 months at least. He says he likes being around her cause she is not smarter than him, she listens to hat he says and doesn’t argue back like how things were in our old relationship, I almost feel bad for her. During this time he has never denied me support, be it financial, familial or whatever. I believe its something in between a rebound and a serious relationship partly because I think she may be expecting more than he is likely willing to give, she has a young child and I know my husband does not want to father anyone elses kids, also she is around half his age. I understand he is getting the good feeling being with her that was lacking for a long time in our marriage. I know it could last for ever, I just don’t think it will but I’m still not happy about it.

I’m wondering what your thoughts are on this. I will be attempting no contact after my birthday party he is throwing for me this week before he takes her on a mini trip for the weekend. Am I being delusional thinking his new relationship will most likely not last? Is it unrealistic to think that I can get my husband back under these circumstances?

Girly
Girly

I did all the mistakes mentioned above, and even worse; I tried comitting suicide and let my ex boyfriend know about it.
He told me I was obssessed and the suicide thing scared him off and that he doesn’t think he’ll get back with me in the future. What do I do?

ailana
ailana

I just wanted to comment on your suicide attempt, no one is ever worth anything that serious. If that is the path that you felt driven towards, you really should get help to find out why you have such issues within yourself. I have not been suicidal but I sought out help for my internal battles and I pray if you ever feel that urge again, you do the same. Aloha,
Ailana

Ella
Ella

So what if he cheated with his new girlfriend on me ( But I didn’t know he had a girlfriend). He still wants to be friends and likes me etc. But after his girlfriend found out he suddenly wants to commit to her and she forbids to have contact with me. He didn’t block me from anything. Does this mean he completely moved on?

Julian
Julian

Hey Kevin,

I have seen many other girls and I have thought that I still want my ex back. Sorry for my long messages. I like to give still a summary and I like to hear is it any change get her back.

It’s been three months since break-up and NC about 1 month now. First she was angry and emotional and right away she start to dating the other guy but still talked bad about girls who might like about me. I tried to convince that everything will change and I love her. She put on the facebook many posts like ”smile through tears” and other stuff but now she have removed those after my needy action. I made many mistakes. They spend lot of time together and they seem to be in love and she wished me good luck for future.

Should I wait some time like 3-4 months and apologize my action? Or is it better leave her alone completely (maybe she wants that)? It’s very possible that we see each other on the bus someday. Should I be positive and be nice and make jokes (normally I am that kind of) or should I just say hey and keep it calm?

vic
vic

Hi Kevin.
Before I read your article on dis, I had been on a no contact unknowingly, cos I left for school but when I came back she sent me a message on social media apologizing for all the pain she caused me, and dat she wanted us to be just friends. I rejected it nd began to plead with her for us to continue d relationship nd she refused. I think I blew my chance of getting her bk wat do I do?

Marie
Marie

Hey Kevin,

I dated someone off and on for 10 years through high school and college. We have been long distance for about 9 of those years. We have been broken up for almost 2 years. We were not on the same page; I wanted to settle down and he did not. I stuck it out even though things were rocky until I learned of a situation he lied to me about, so I ended it.

Over the past 2 years, we have been in contact and he would take me to dinner etc. He would tell me he wanted a future with me, but he is incapable of a relationship right now. He has been seeing someone new for 4 months. When I questioned this new girl he told me nothing was going on. Then I saw a picture of the two of them last month and I called him out on it and he told me it’s complicated and they are not serious. I let my emotions get the best of me and I contacted the new girl telling her that my ex tried to see me in May (which is true). Ironically, after I contacted her they made it official. Now, they seem to be connected at the hip and he told me to move on, let this go and if we come back to each other then we know it’s meant to be. It has only been 2 days since we last spoke, but I am starting the NC now. What is your take on his new relationship? Is it a rebound, that has turned serious? Why would he lie for months about her? I have been putting myself out there and going on dates, but I am scared my feelings are still very strong for him.

Marie
Marie

Thanks Kevin. I appreciate your advice. I do think at first he lied so he wouldn’t lose me. The last few times we spoke (before NC) he told me to move on. I was agreeable. What is your take is on him telling me to move on now? As far as NC goes, what should be my game plan?

Stacy
Stacy

Hey Kevin, thanks for the advice so far.
My ex and I have been broken up for about four months now. Right after we broke up he went straight into a relationship with another girl which ended a few weeks ago. I found out a few days ago that there was another girl involved. He was seeing these two girls at the same time. However I heard from a friend that he isn’t seeing the second one anymore but they are close friends, but another friend told me they might still be together but he’s not sure.

Do you think its a rebound or is it possible that he might actually become serious about this second girl?

Julian
Julian

Last week I saw my ex and her boyfriend walking and holding hands in a shopping mall near where I live. It has nothing to do with me because my ex goes from work to home subway there. I got emotional and walked past them and I said “is it possible” or something like that. My ex said “what do you mean?” I just walked away. One of the mutual friends told me that they spent a lot of time together.

In the relationship I was cold and didn’t gave enough love. My ex was sad because she didn’t got what she wanted from me and she felt outsider in my life. After break-up this two months I have been so emotional and push her away from me and I was not at all rational and now I see what I should have done. I still can’t believe what happened. Before I was the one who always make the decisions now everything chanced maybe it’s what I deserved after cheating and other things. It feels weird that she loves the other guy so fast and it’s feel more weird if she doesn’t have any feelings for me. One month ago I saw her eyes that she was sad and cried and she wished nice summer but after that she have been very cold. The new guy is more muscular and more manlier and more charismatic than me but somehow I know that he isn’t my ex style. But that doesn’t help if she doesn’t miss me at all. All the signs and acts are so obvious now that she doesn’t want me back and doesn’t like me anymore. We are still friends in facebook so maybe one day when I hopefully get beautiful girlfriend she thinks me. But I don’t want to hurt any one and there have to be some feelings. People always earlier said that we are most positive persons and our children would be so cute. It have been therapeutic to write here and I have to say thank you very much.

Neil
Neil

Hi Kevin ,my case is very different,v were in relation from almost 4 yrs in which we were best buddies before that 4 yrs means frm last 8 yrs v knws each other,v met on orkut,i hd gf that time, i used to share evry single thing abt my relation to her,then she started falling for me,she proposed me, i said no,cz i wanted 2 be her best frnd only n i was loyal wid my that another gf,still she wanted me,so every time she used to make me feel n total 13 times she proposed me,der was sum other rsn of family issue thats why also i never wanted to mess my best frndshp,then i had to ignore her bcz of her behavior,then she got bf in college,but unable to b hapy then she msged me to she want to get rid off that guy, i helped her,till time my another gf cheated me i was so depressed,in that time,my this gf started taking care of me n i falled for her,v came in relation,it was good untill she was carefull, frm last yr everything started messing coz she unable to give me time & love due to job n i started expecting more cz v used to meet daily,talk daily n now i was crazy for her n day by day everything was stopped,she used to fear me alott coz i slaped her & abused her when i got to know her past relations which i got to know from her fb ids n yahoo chats,I was helpless to be overreated n I apologied for that mistakes,eveytime i used to talk rudely bcz of her no love n no timing policy,last year in one fight I called her home n her dad picked up the call, her dad got to know abt our relation,they checked her mobile n saw my abusive msgs for her family, so she told everything Abt me,n from that time all messed,we used to talk about marriage also but from that day she lost all hopes of marriage n everything, she started giving me very less love,still I managed to get her back,in between of this last 1 yr her parents got 2 know 3-4 times that v r in relation agn,but sumhow she managed that time n sum days i used to make her fall me agn, now from last mnth again sumthing her parents got 2 know n she started ignoring me ,i waited 6 days n asked her rsn on call many times,but every time she refused n ignored me,then on 7th day I went to ask her near her office bus stop, she saw me n started saying go or… Read more »

Jim
Jim

So my I hastily asked my ex to try again and he said no and he doesnt think we can be friends either. Hurt me quite a lot and I gave up all hope on him. He told me he was scared because he still has negative association. I told him I would text him on his Birthday. This was yesterday. Now I text hey happy birthday. Sorry its late I was at work all day. Hope you have had a lovely day and have a lovely holiday next week. He replied immediately saying thanks. I said your welcome and then immediately he replied “Lets meet up when I come back from my holiday…” Now this brought on shock, nervousness, horror, happiness and excitement all at once. My mum said from day 1 that he will be back after his holiday. everything my mum predicted has come true so far. I’m hoping he wants to meet so we can move forward as I dont see no point in meeting to be negative. I am just so nervous but again I am so excited. I am having a lot of doubts about whether we will go back to how we were or whats gonna happen or whether my guilty conscience will drag me down again. But I want to start a complete fresh start and have our relationship built on trust and honesty. Also taking it slow as we were so intense before and literally was with each other every day. Ill keep you posted how it goes in 2 weeks time but thank you again for helping me get back to me 🙂
For anyone doubting their situation like I did. It is not the end of the world and even if they are with someone else. Patience surely is a virtue. Remember “Anything could happen” stay happy stay strong and dont let your ex rule your life no matter how much you love them.

glorious
glorious

dear kevin
you helped me alot for getting back my boy!thanks

Julian
Julian

I hope that you can give your opinion in the last message. It’s very important for me.

janelle
janelle

Me and my bf dated 6 months. We broke up because another girl had taken me out and I lied about it. I never cheated or anything like that but he was too upset to stay together. For the first 2 months after the breakup we were still seeing each other as we had no choice because we were in the same college in the same class so he put matters aside and we still had sex and did couple things. After the 2 months he asked for space when school got out and I cried chased him and acted so clingy and needed toward him that it pushed him away more. Seeing that I went the NC route for 3-4 weeks. He contacted me after 3-4 weeks had past for my birthday and took me out. We had a great time he even kissed me and told me he missed me and then a few days later I found out he had been talking to someone else over the NC period. They are not in a relationship but they have gotten close and are getting to know each other. I was angry when I found out because he told me before no contact that he just needed time and space that he wouldnt talk to anyone else and he still loved and cared about me. It was obvious he did because he took me out at the end of May for my bday and even kissed me and showed he cared. When i found out about the other girl i asked him about it and said I was confused because he had just saw me and kissed me and things felt so right. After we talked he told me he was done with me and now he doesnt want any contact or cant be my friend. He is still easy to reach. I havent been blocked from any networks although I was unfriended. What should I do? He was head over heels for me and he contacted me a few days ago and told me he was thinking about me and always will but he seems very cold and distant with no emotion in his voice whatsoever but after he told me he was done then he says if I ever need anything hes hear for me always no matter what…. im so confused…. is this really the end for us?

janelle
janelle

I know he doesnt want to see me because I am his weakness and he cant be around me without wanting to be more with me so hes trying to move on with someone else and not see me or be my friend…. what do you recommend? I am confident that those feelings will always be there with him when it comes to me… he just feels like im a distraction in his life because I take away his focus on important things…. but him telling me hes done he sounded pretty serious and cold and distant but then still offered to be there for me if I ever needed anything. Hes catching feelings for another girl but i know he still has feelings for me and it seems he wants to move on and not see me or really talk to me….what should I do? Is he worth fighting for? I have been following your good friend Jason’s rewind advice
but it seems I am in the death door….help! Please! Trust is what’s keeping us apart and now he seems as if he found someone new worth moving on with even though they arent in a relationship. Hes interested in her and hes saying hes done with me but still cant find away to be my friend….sorry its so lengthy!

Julian
Julian

Hi,

Can you say what is your opinion in my situation? All the signs look like to me she is moving on and is in love this guy and forgot me but it’s hard to accept after that how deeply she was in love with me and how much she missed me like 6 weeks ago (before break-up) and after that she doesn’t said even once that she missed me but she was angry for me but now she is nothing except cried the last time we saw almost two weeks ago. I know that I can be better boyfriend but all the post break-up stuff I have made badly and all the mistakes I made are not good. In the relationship I didn’t bring enough security because she wanted to plan everything like marriage and kids but I didn’t wanted to plan that yet I just wanted to live in the moment. But in the letter I wrote after break-up I said that I wanted family with you but she didn’t say anything about that. We have could be perfect couple together if I have known all the things I know now that’s why it hurts much. If I had this feelings for her everything have gone different but it’s too late like my ex said after break-up :/ after break-up I said that I don’t want that they see each other and she got angry and said I thought that one day we can be together but not anymore.

Julian
Julian

Hey,

I have been nc now almost week now and timeline in my messages wasn’t right. Right after break-up she said those things what were in my last messages to you (angry behavior) Last contact was when I wished good for future her and she texted same for me. It’s nice to hear that maybe it’s rebound but it’s hard to believe because in the last contacts she was cold or didn’t answer for me or answered lot later.

Evie
Evie

Hi Kevin
Me and my boyfriend were together for a year and a half and he just brakes up with me to get with this other girl. The bad thing is every time I see them I what to say some but it might ruin my chances of every getting back with him or us just been friends. Can you give me some advice please

kelly M
kelly M

Hey kevin

I can’t see my comment.

kelly M
kelly M

Hi Kevin…
Thanks for your articles they really make your reflect on things from a different perspective.

I just hv one question I had a relationship with a guy over 2yrs ago. I broke up with him over something stupid. However I did the no contact thing even erased his number. But every year just when I think yep im good and he is nowhere on my mind he will text me. I did once admit my breaking up with him was probably a mistake but he was not keen on saying whether we could work something out.

The most confusing thing is that he text me out of the blue. Asking me how im doing its been.
Recently he texted yet this person says he has a gf. What does this mean?

Did the NC thing but he texted about something from awhile back. What does he want? Could u perhaps shed some light?

kelly M
kelly M

Thanks

Crystal
Crystal

Hello,
I have a very complicated situation and I am hoping that maybe you can help me out. I will try to keep it as short as possible.

My ex boyfriend and I dated for over 2 years. I ended the relationship when I was 8 months pregnant because I had suspicion of him cheating on me..Sure enough, my suspicions were right..He ended up getting into a relationship with the girl that I thought he was cheating with within two weeks of us breaking up, although he swears that he never cheated.
We have been broken up for about 4 months now. He moved this girl into the home that we shared within two weeks of dating her. They are still together, but…
Our son is now 6 weeks old, and for the last 6 to 8 weeks, he has been telling e how unhappy he is, he still loves me, etc,etc,etc
I finally told him that if he left her, I would give him another chance and he said thats exactly what he was going to do..We have kissed, sent numerous text, and talked behind her back for weeks now, but for some reason he doesn’t have the heart to kick her out. He keeps telling me to be patient and he loves me, but honestly, I am starting to feel used at this point and I feel like he is just trying to prevent me from moving on.\

If he loved me that much, then why is it taking so long for him to break up with her? I just don’t understand!

In any case, I ended up telling him that I wanted no more contact and I was moving on with my life because I feel like he has had long enough and I am tired of waiting and hurting. Was that the right thing to say? I am afraid that maybe it will push him closer to her because he is upset about me not talking to him anymore
I do want to be with him, but I am just tired if sharing with with her, and I am ready to find peace again, even if it’s without him.

Any advice…Please help!!
Thank you! 🙂

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