8 Real Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back | Ex Back Permanently

Day 20 of no contact. By midday, I would convince myself that I am on the right track and that my ex is probably missing me. My gut feeling would be that they come back. But by 2AM, I will start dreading, doubting everything, thinking that my gut feeling is wrong and is only false hope. And I would start wondering if he would never come back.

The hope of him coming back calms me down. But every now and then I keep wondering if I am giving myself false hope. What if he is truly over me?

I keep looking for signs to give me some answer, but nothing ever feels final. Some signs point to him never coming back. While others point to him eventually coming back.

I keep reading stories on forums and Reddit, but I keep getting a mix of “they always come back” to “they don’t come back” to “only the worst ones come back.”

I felt my ex was special. I loved him and I really wanted him back. I truly wished we could work out and live happily ever after.

By day 45 of no contact, I stopped wondering all the time if he would come back. I started spending the entire day focusing on myself instead of focusing on the signs. I would still think about him occasionally during the day. I would still sometimes wonder if he is never coming back. But those would just be thoughts. Not emotions.

Your gut feeling may say your ex is coming back, but your mind wants to convince you they aren’t. Most people are under the misconception that a definitive answer through signs will cure this dilemma. But it won’t.

You search for patterns in other people’s stories hoping to match it with yours. But every human being, every relationship, and every breakup is unique.

Because the truth is, there is almost never a definitive answer to what an ex will or will not do.

Know that you can still move forward in life without a definitive answer. You just need to accept the uncertainty and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

That’s what I did and what worked for me. My ex did eventually come back (4 months into no contact), but by then I had already moved on.

The above experience was written by Kate, an anonymous reader of Ex Back Permanently. Kevin’s article continues below.

Is there a clean way to know for sure your ex will not come back?

The truth is, you can never be absolutely sure. It highly depends on the situation.

In terms of statistics, 70% of exes don’t come back. 15% come back and leave again. Only about 15% come back and stay in a healthy long term relationship. (These numbers come from our study of 3,512 people.)

In terms of signs, the most definitive sign of an ex not coming back is complete silence from an ex beyond six months of the breakup.

In terms of the type of breakup, if an ex truly tried to make it work before making it work with you, if there are no “what ifs” in their mind, they will likely never return.

In terms of psychology of an ex, someone with a secure attachment style who is looking for a healthy relationship will not come back to a broken relationship. Whereas an avoidant attached person or an anxiously attached person is more likely to come back.

In terms of timelines, chances of ex returning reduces significantly after six months and becomes extremely low after a year.

Want the easiest way to understand your chances? Take this quiz to find out your real chances in about 2 minutes. Based on our survey, human psychology, and real life case studies of thousands of readers, customers and clients over the past 15 years.

Recommended Reading: Should I Wait For My Ex? Why and For How Long?

The Misconceptions and Reality of Hope

Hope of an ex coming back is a double edged sword. It can calm you down in the moment, but it can also keep you from moving on from an ex who is not good for you.

On the other hand, giving up hope completely and burning bridges, when there is in fact a genuine chance of a healthy reconciliation, could make you lose a relationship worth saving.

The key, to solving this dilemma, is in the two words I mentioned just above this paragraph.

Care to guess what it is?

The answer is Healthy Reconciliation

If you shift your focus from your ex coming back, to your ex coming back for a healthy relationship, your mindset about your ex coming back changes.

It is no longer about whether or not your ex will take you back, it’s about whether or not you both are compatible enough if for a healthy relationship.

It’s no longer about whether no contact will bring them back, it’s about how you can heal, learn from your mistakes and become a better version of yourself.

It’s no longer about if your ex will reach out to you, it becomes about if you both can communicate honestly when you both reconnect.

It’s no longer about when your ex will move on from you, it becomes about their capability to own up to their mistakes and grow as a person.

It’s no longer about what will happen to you, it becomes about what you can control.

Imagine if you could understand your ex’s feelings in a way no one else does. In my free report, I share the 3 feelings an ex needs to feel before they come back — and it’s not love or regret. Download it here.

Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back (Is That You Truly Need?)

I know it feels like knowing the signs will provide you some certainty in these uncertain times. And while it can give you some clarity in some situations, it won’t prepare you for the things that matter in case your ex does come back.

The signs that most people should actually look out for is an ex coming back and repeating the same unhealthy patterns over again.

Let’s think logically, if your ex never comes back, you only waste a few months hoping they will come back (the hope eventually fades away).

But if they come back and repeat the same unhealthy patterns again, you waste years of your life not learning a lesson you should have learned a long time ago.

Let’s explore these signs below

1. Your ex said it clearly, calmly and repeatedly

More often than not, an ex themselves does not know if they will come back or not. It’s because the way we feel changes over time, especially as we heal, grow and gain perspective on life and what matters.

This is why so many breakups that I come across usually have an underlining of “I don’t know what will happen in the future, but right now we need to separate”.

On the surface it feels cruel, because you are giving hope to an ex who still loves you. But in most cases, the ex is simply telling you the truth about how they feel. They don’t know how they will feel about being with you in the future.

But in some cases, an ex is 100% sure that they will never get back with you. In such cases, there is no anger, a defensive wall, inconsistency, manipulation or drama. It’s clarity and determination to move on from the breakup.

Such an ex will say what they mean and do what they say. They will say it calmly, with confidence and clarity. And they will back it with their action. Such an ex will say things like, “I don’t hold grudges against you. I truly wish you the best. But I don’t see a future with you and I’ve made a decision to move on from this breakup.”

In contrast, an ex who is saying things like “I will never give you another chance” out of hurt or anger; or “I hate you. I should have never loved you”.

2. Their Reasons for The Breakup Make Sense and They Have Not Shifted

Not “it’s not you it’s me” once during a breakup fight — a consistent, specific account of what didn’t work, repeated calmly when asked again later. People who are still ambivalent tend to give you a different reason each time, because they’re still constructing the story. A stable reason usually means they’ve actually finished processing it.

3. The absence of any inconsistency –

One of our “signs articles” had over 650 comments that I analyzed using AI. In many of those comments, the commenter felt like it’s truly over.

But when those commenters returned to update, every case that looked “over” turned out to have some contradictory behavior (checking in during a crisis, jealousy, a fast rebound that reversed). Real endings tend to be boring. No hot-and-cold, no jealousy games, no “accidentally” surfacing on your birthday. If you’re finding contradictions to interpret, that itself is information. Genuinely over doesn’t usually leave you with contradictions to interpret.

But be careful what you’re counting as a contradiction. The habit that keeps people stuck isn’t just missing real inconsistency — it’s manufacturing inconsistency out of behavior that was never inconsistent to begin with. The test is simple: would they do this for anyone, or specifically for you?

Is it a contradiction or just baseline courtesy?

Replying to your text after may be them just being courteous.
Liking your photo doesn’t necessarily mean they are stalking you.
Saying thank you when you wish them Happy Birthday does not mean they are open to reconciliation.

Recommended Reading: 8 Sneaky Signs Your Ex Still Loves You if you want to explore the other side of this — the signs that suggest feelings are still there, even when the outcome is still uncertain.

4. They’ve rebuilt their life in ways that make reconciliation logistically costly, not just emotionally distant.

Moved cities, merged finances with someone else, had a kid with someone else. Feelings can theoretically resurface at any time; structural entanglement is a much harder thing to walk back than a feeling.

5. They have been in a new relationship for more than six months.

Some exes get into a rebound after a breakup. But if their new relationship has been going steadily for more than six months, then it’s probably not a rebound and they will not come back.

Recommended Reading:

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back From Her New Boyfriend

How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend

6. Your relationship was toxic and your ex is focused on self-improvement.

If your ex wants a healthy life, they won’t come back to a toxic relationship. The only way to change this is to focus on self-improvement yourself and then maybe some day in the future you will both find your way to each other.

7. Total silence past six months

It’s normal for exes to block each other or not talk to each other for a few weeks up to a few months. But if they have been completely silent and ignore all your calls or texts for a long time, then you should consider it a strong sign that they don’t want anything to do with you and they won’t come back.

In my experience, this is the most important sign because it is the simplest one to understand and apply to your situation.

If your ex has not reached out within six months, it’s best to assume they won’t reach out to you and try to give up hope.

But, if you feel there is hope for a healthy reconciliation, you can reach out yourself, with a genuine and honest message, and see how they respond. I talk about how to reach out in my 5 Step Plan and this article on texting an ex.

Not sure which of these actually apply to your situation? Take this quiz to find out your real chances in about 2 minutes.

Recommended Reading: What To Do After No Contact

8. Silence, Coldness or Rejection When You Reach Out After No Contact

This, in my experience, is the ultimate way to know for sure whether or not your ex will come back. It’s also the best way to reconnect with an ex if you feel a healthy reconciliation is possible.

Here’s what it looks like according to my 5 Step Plan….

Essentially, you stop being desperate and focus completely on yourself. You focus on healing, becoming a better version of yourself, gaining insight on your past relationship and learning from your mistakes.

If after a few months, you still feel your ex is worth it, you can choose to end no contact and reach out. If you choose to reach out with an honest and genuine text, such as the elephant in the room text I explain in this article; then you can expect one of these outcomes –

Not sure what to actually say? Download my free report with 5 Elephant In The Room text templates so you’re not writing this one from scratch.

Signs there’s still a chance

Positive, enthusiastic reply — take it further, try for a call, don’t overplay your hand.
Neutral, cautious reply — not a bad sign, just uncertain. They may be skeptical or need more time. Give space; they may re-engage in a few days.
Angry or hostile reply — mixed, not over. Anger usually means unresolved feelings, not indifference. Ask why they’re upset; if they refuse to talk, go back to no contact.
No reply within a few days — normal. Some people take up to a week. Stay focused on yourself, don’t panic yet.

Signs they’re never coming back

Cold, short, dismissive reply — rare if your message was kind, and telling when it happens anyway. There’s no reading between these lines. Take it at face value.
Clear rejection and refusal to engage — a direct no, or a flat refusal to have the conversation at all. Not anger, not distance — an actual closed door.
No reply after a week or more — this is the answer. Not a delay to keep watching, not a reason to send a follow-up. Move forward.

If you get one of these: Recommended Reading – How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex

Signs That Your Ex Will Repeat The Same Patterns After Coming Back (And You Are Better Off Without Them)

Like I said earlier, if your ex never comes back, you only waste a few months hoping they will come back (the hope eventually fades away).

But if they come back and repeat the same unhealthy patterns again, you waste years of your life not learning a lesson you should have learned a long time ago.

An interesting Reddit thread I came across said –

“We stayed no contact for five months. I cried every single day. I felt suicidal and so deeply depressed. I had never been in such a dark place before. My ex was on my mind 24/7. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was a complete wreck. My head was constantly filled with “what if” thoughts, memories of everything we had shared and the shock of such a sudden breakup without any real conversation or closure. Eventually, I reached out. We met. We had an amazing time together. We hung out, had sex, talked nonstop and even made plans for the future. He made me believe there was still a chance for us. And then he ghosted me. He disappeared completely out of nowhere. Once again, without any explanation. He left me in unbearable uncertainty, depression and suicidal thoughts all over again. This happened 3 months ago. Today, I’m doing better than I ever have since the breakup!! Ironically, breaking no contact is what finally helped me move on. It forced me to see who he really is. He broke my trust and my sense of safety for a second time. He made me experience abandonment all over again. In the end, it became clear he was only interested in easy sex because he knew I was still deeply in love with him and emotionally attached.

Breaking no contact saved my mental health because it finally allowed me to let go. I don’t miss him anymore. I’m not sad, I’m just disappointed. And I’ve learned so much from this experience. It has been incredibly painful, but also incredibly important. Sometimes, breaking no contact can give you the closure you never got. Sometimes, it can be the thing that finally helps you move on. That’s all I wanted to say. To everyone going through a difficult time. STAY STRONG! ❤️ it will get better!!!”

The thing that stands out to me about this forum user experience is that getting their heart broken a second time around forced them to see their ex for who they really were. A manipulative person who didn’t respect them.

So in most cases, it can save you a lot of time and heartache if you can somehow force yourself to see your ex for who they really are before they come back.

This way, you can save yourself from months or years of unhealthy relationship patterns that are bound to repeat themselves.

Here are the signs that you should be extremely careful of an ex who eventually comes back –

Signs your ex will repeat the same patterns if they come back

No acknowledgment of what actually happened last time. They want to pick back up, but there’s no real conversation about the disappearance, the silence, or the hurt. If the first breakup or the ghosting never gets named out loud, there’s nothing stopping it from happening exactly the same way again. An apology for a pattern requires naming the pattern.
You were to blame for everything that went wrong – They probably had the same pattern throughout the relationship. You were to blame for everything wrong in the relationship, and you are to blame for the breakup. They take no responsibility. Not back when they were in a relationship with you. Not now when they have come back.
They don’t treat you with the respect you deserve – This one is a little hard to understand if you have low self-esteem. But ask yourself if they are treating you with the same respect you would want your life partner to treat you with. If not, then they are probably going to break your heart again.
The explanation is the same vague non-answer as before. “I just needed space,” “I wasn’t ready,” “things got complicated” — with no specifics attached. Vague reasons are easy to repeat because they were never actually reasons. If you ask what’s different this time and the answer is fuzzy, the pattern isn’t over, it’s paused.
They reach out specifically when they’re lonely, bored, or between other options. Late at night, after a bad day, right after a breakup with someone else. Consistent interest doesn’t run on a schedule tied to their mood. If contact only shows up at their low points, it’s not about you, it’s about whatever they’re feeling at that moment.
Everything moves fast physically, and nothing moves at all emotionally. Sex, staying over, “let’s not put a label on it yet” — intensity without definition. This was the exact shape of the Reddit story above: an amazing few days, real conversation, plans for the future, and then gone. Words about a future cost nothing. Watch for whether anything structural changes, not whether the conversation feels good in the moment.
They avoid any conversation about the future. Redirecting, joking it off, “let’s just enjoy this” whenever you try to talk about where this is actually going. Someone who’s genuinely changed usually wants to talk about how things will be different. Someone repeating the pattern needs the conversation to never happen.
You’re doing all the initiating once the excitement wears off. The first contact after no contact came from them, which felt like a good sign. But a week or two in, you notice you’re the one keeping it alive. This was a breadcrumb. They hooked you in just to get validation and left you on dry when they got what they wanted.
This isn’t the first time. If there’s already a history of a similar cycle (leaving, silence, a warm return, then leaving again), the most reliable predictor of what happens next is what’s already happened.

The through-line in all of these: none of them are about what they say when they come back. They’re about whether anything about how they come back is actually different from how they left.

If it isn’t, you’re not getting a second chance at a new relationship. You’re getting the same relationship a second time.

Recommended Reading:

When & Why Getting Back With an Ex Doesn’t Work (And When It Does) ·

Should I Get Back With My Ex? – 3 Case Studies and 7 Questions To Help You Decide

In addition, a breakup coach or an email coaching package can help you get real clarity on your specific situation, rather than trying to match it to a list.

The Mindset Shift That Matters (and Why People Miss it)

A lot of people think that if they do no contact and stop acting desperate; it will lead to their ex coming back and loving them forever.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Eliminating needy and desperate behavior is extremely important. But it’s only the surface level fix of a much deeper problem.

It’s the inability to walk away from an unhealthy dynamic.

The thing that really increases your chances of keeping your ex in a healthy long term relationship, is when you learn to set clear boundaries, when you know what you want and are willing to walk away from someone who is not right for you.

This actually works in three ways that provide a win-win scenario for you.

You realize your ex is incapable or unwilling to give you the relationship you deserve? → You walk away and move on to find someone who does.
Your ex is putting in effort and trying their best – You commit to them and try your best.
Your ex sees that you have boundaries and are willing to walk away from this relationship —> They stop taking you for granted and start treating you with the respect you deserve.

The best way to make sure your relationship has a chance of making it a second time around is to build yourself up enough during the no contact rule so you have the strength to walk away from your ex if they are not the right person for you.

I teach how to do that in my EBP Basics Course, EBP Advanced Course and my article on the no contact rule.

Wait, do you still have a chance? Find out your chances of getting your ex back in 2 minutes. Take this quiz now.