A lot of people want to believe that their ex will eventually come back. But will their ex really come back or are they just in denial?
In this article, I will teach you about the signs that mean your ex will eventually come back. But before I do that, I want you to take a moment and think about why you want to know these signs.
Looking for signs that your ex will surely come back is an exercise that feeds a harmful psychological phenomenon happening inside you right now. It feeds your denial of the breakup.
After all, if your ex will come back, there is no reason to take this breakup seriously. Right?
I mean, why should you worry about your ex moving on to someone else when you know that he or she is going to come back to you?
Why should you worry about going through the breakup pain when this breakup is only temporary?
Why should you worry about accepting your mistakes, fixing them, and growing as a person, if you are sure your ex will come back no matter what?
Why should you do any of that?
If you are hoping your ex will come back, then there is a good chance you are going through one of the five stages of breakup grief. The stage `known as “Denial.”
Your mind wants to convince you that this breakup is only temporary. That your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend will not really move on from you. They will come back to you after a while.
Maybe your mind wants to believe that you don’t need to do anything. That you just need to relax and have fun. Your ex will come back eventually, and you will both live happily ever after.
Or maybe your mind is constantly running trying to find a quick way to get your ex back so you don’t have to go through the breakup pain.
Your mind wants the easy way out of the mess this breakup has created in your life.
But the truth is, if your ex broke up with you, then there is a good chance they will NOT come back on their own. And even if they do, there is a good chance both of you will break up again.
Do Exes Even Come Back?
Yes, exes do come back. They come back often. We conducted a study and found that around 30% of people get their exes back after a breakup. But out of those 30%, only 15% stay together in a healthy relationship. The remaining 15% breakup again after getting back together.
We also found that ex boyfriends have a slightly higher chance of coming back than ex girlfriends. If your ex boyfriend broke up with you, then there’s a 33% chance he will come back. And if your ex girlfriend left you, there’s a 27% chance she will come back. [Read: Will He Come Back? A Detailed Analysis]
And here is the important part, the 15% of people who stayed together in a healthy relationship, didn’t just wait for their ex to come back. They proactively worked on the issues that lead to the breakup, fixed it, and grew as a person. In fact, in many cases, they reached out to their ex instead of waiting for their ex to come back.
If you are asking yourself questions like,
Will My Ex Come Back?
or
When Will My Ex Come Back?
I want you to notice how those questions make it seem like you have no control over the outcome.
Like it all depends on your ex. If your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend decides to come back, you will be there waiting for them.
Like you are a warm cuddly stuffed animal that has nothing to do except wait at home for your owner to come back and show you some love.
Instead of asking yourself these questions, I want you to start thinking about this differently.
If you want your ex back, I want you to proactively figure out what you can do to get them back instead of just waiting for them to come back.
You are not a helpless stuffed animal. You are a human being and you can do a lot of things to affect the course of your life.
You have the ability to make decisions and take actions that will determine what happens next in your love life.
You don’t just wait for your ex to come back. You can do things that will increase the chances of getting back in a healthy relationship with your ex. And if they don’t come back, you can do things to move on from them and find someone who appreciates you and loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
Instead of asking “Will My Ex Come Back?”, ask yourself “What Can I Do To Get My Ex Back And Keep Them In a Healthy Relationship?”
(The answer is in this article if you want your boyfriend back and this article if you want your girlfriend back).
With that being said, let’s get straight to the signs that actually mean your ex will eventually come back.
In addition, if you relate to any of the signs below, you will also find advice on what you should to maximize your chances of getting your ex back in a healthy relationship below.
Strong Signs That Mean Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back on Their Own
1. You Have an On/Off Relationship (Or They Have Done This Before)
Most Exes come back on their own if both of you had an on/off relationship. That means your relationship follows a pattern of breaking up and getting back together after a short while. And it has happened before two or more times.
If your relationship with your ex has a pattern of breaking up and getting back together, then there is a good chance that pattern will continue, and your ex will eventually come back.
In fact, you probably don’t even need to do anything to get them to come back. You can just continue living your life the way you want, and your ex will probably still come back.
But that does not necessarily mean they will stay with you. If you have a pattern of breaking up and getting back together, then guess what will happen after you get back together?
That’s right, you will probably breakup again. And you will repeat the on/off pattern once again.
What Should You do to Get Back in a Healthy Relationship With your Ex If You Had an On/Off Relationship?
If this is you, then you shouldn’t just wait for your ex to come back and repeat the same patterns over and over again. Now that you are broken up, you have some time to yourself. And you can use this time to figure out what is causing both of you to have this on/off relationship.
Why can’t you both commit to each other and have a healthy relationship?
Is it because you both want different things in a relationship?
Is it because you can’t communicate with each other effectively?
Is it because either you or your ex is afraid of commitment?
Try to understand this on/off pattern and figure out a solution for it. When your ex comes back, don’t just take them back and continue the same pattern. Instead, talk to them about the issues and if it’s possible to resolve those issues.
If they are also interested in having a healthy relationship with you, they are a keeper. If not, you are better off moving on from them.
Recommended Reading: Signs of a Toxic Relationship – Healthline
2. They Broke Up in The Heat of The Moment
A lot of times, people break up because of a heated argument or because they are very upset about something. A lot of people make a rash decision to breakup with their partner and they come back later when they realize that the decision was wrong.
If your ex broke up with you because of an argument or because they were extremely upset about something, then there is a good chance they will change their mind when they calm down and start thinking rationally.
According to Michael McNulty from Gottman Institute on BBC, “It’s the long-lasting, slow-burning issues are the real relationship poison – not big, explosive, single events or confrontations.”
If your relationship with your ex had issues that have been slowly rotting the foundation for months or years; then this sign doesn’t apply to you. These issues could include insecurity, fundamental differences in values or constant miscommunication.
But if you feel that you and your ex had compatible values and this argument was a one time thing, then there is a good chance they will come back.
What to Do to If Your Ex Broke Up in The Heat of The Moment?
Even though there is a good chance your ex will come back on their own, you should not leave that to chance.
The best thing you can do to maximize your chances of getting them back and keeping them in a healthy relationship is to fix the root cause of this breakup. In most cases, it’s bad communication skills by one or both the partners.
So, if this is you, I recommend you read the book Non-Violent Communications by Marshal B. Rosenberg to learn good communication skills. In my experience, this book is the fastest way to learn effective communication that can increase the quality of your relationships tremendously.
In some cases, there is nothing wrong with either partner and there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes, you are both just not compatible with each other. And if that’s the case with you, then perhaps it’s best to accept the breakup and focus on healing from it.
Once you feel you have a good handle on how to communicate effectively in a relationship, reach out to your ex and talk to them about getting back together. Use the approach I describe in this article in the section about Brief No Contact Rule.
3. They Have Told You That They Don’t Want this Breakup
A lot of times, your ex will tell you that they don’t want this breakup, but they “have to” stick to their decision. Even though the breakup is painful for them, and they wish they can be back with you, they feel that the breakup is “necessary”.
If your ex tells you that they don’t want this breakup, then there is a good chance they will eventually come back to you. They will try their best to grow as a person so they can get back with you and be happy again.
But if they can’t find a solution to whatever issues they are facing, then they won’t come back.
Like I said before, sometimes it’s just not the right fit and there is nothing you can do to get back in a healthy relationship with your ex.
What Can You do to Make Sure Your Ex will Come Back?
If this is you, then the best way to handle the situation is to try to understand what’s causing your ex to stay broken up.
Is it because of some external circumstances?
Is it because they think that there are some issues in the relationship that need fixing?
Were they unhappy in the relationship even though you both truly loved each other?
Whenever you speak to your ex, try to figure out why they choose to stay broken up even though they don’t want this broken up. And once they open up, listen to them. Don’t judge them and don’t turn it into an argument. Don’t try to convince them to come back. Just listen to them.
When you have a better understanding of what’s keeping your ex from coming back, take a few days and think things through. Figure out if it’s something that can be resolved. Can you communicate better to resolve the issues? Can the circumstances be changed? Can you fix the issues that were making them unhappy?
Whatever it is, try to figure out a solution for the issue. And also give your ex some space while you are doing it. When you feel you have had enough time apart, reach out to them and speak to them about what you have learned. Tell them how things will be different and ask them to come back.
Remember, that just because you are trying to resolve the issues in the relationship, it does not necessarily mean that something was wrong with you. Just because something was broken in the relationship, it doesn’t mean that you are broken.
Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that you are learning and growing as a person. And even if you made mistakes in the past, you can learn from them and become a better version of yourself.
Signs That Mean Your Ex Will Come Back if You Make the Right Moves
In most cases, an ex will not come back on their own. You may have to do something to set the wheels in motion. The following signs mean that you have a good chance of getting them back if you make the right moves. You will also find what you need to do to maximize your chances of your ex coming back.
4. You and Your Ex Agreed That The Relationship Was Special
If you and your ex had the type of relationship that you would both call special, then there is a good chance they will come back. When I say a special relationship, I mean a relationship where you both had great chemistry and great compatibility. Where you both trusted each other and spent a lot of time together. Where you both laughed together, had fun together, grew together and made some great memories together.
A special relationship does not mean that you didn’t fight or argue. There are arguments and fights in every relationship. But if you fought and argued all the time, then your relationship wasn’t really a healthy or a special relationship. In addition, if there was any kind of abuse in your relationship, then I won’t consider your relationship to be a good one.
If you and your ex never experienced the type of connection with anyone else that you felt with each other, then there is a good chance your ex will come back.
However, an ex will not automatically come back even if both of you shared a truly special connection. You will eventually have to reach out to them and start speaking again. You will have to eventually talk about the relationship and how both of you can learn from the past mistakes and create a healthy relationship.
How to Make the Right Moves?
Well, this entire website is about getting an ex back. A good place to start is by taking this quiz to figure out your chances of getting them back. After that, you should read this article that has a 5-step plan to get your ex back.
5. They Want to Stay in Touch with You (Or Your Social Media Or Your Friends and Family)
If your ex goes out of their way to stay in touch with you, your friends or your family after the breakup, then there is a good chance they are still interested in you and will eventually come back.
Your ex staying in touch with you constantly (even after weeks or months of the breakup) is a big sign that they will eventually come back. Probably one of the biggest. It’s important to note that this sign only applies if they have been doing it consistently for a while and enough time has passed since the breakup.
This sign also applies if your ex is staying in touch with you indirectly through social media or through common friends. They may be doing things like commenting on your stories or asking your friends about you.
It’s also important to note that if your ex only contacts you occasionally or if they are hot and cold while contacting you, then this is not a sign they will come back. Your ex being hot and cold is a good sign that your ex still loves you, but it’s not a good sign they will come back.
But you still need to make sure that when they come back, it’s a healthy and fruitful relationship. Remember, a lot of exes leave again after coming back. And you don’t want your ex coming back to you just because they are lonely or because they couldn’t find another girlfriend or boyfriend. You want them coming back to you because they’ve realized that the relationship was special and that you both can have an awesome life together.
What to Do If Your Ex Wants to Stay in Touch with You?
If you feel that you need some time apart from your ex to heal and grow from the breakup, then consider starting no contact and getting some space from your ex. Staying in touch with your ex may actually be stopping you from growing and becoming the person you need to be to get them back. It may also be stopping them from growing and realizing how special the relationship with you was.
If you are confused, read this article on no contact or get in touch with one of our coaches to figure out the best course of action for your situation.
6. They still have strong feelings for you (and they still love you)
This one is obvious. If your ex still has strong feelings for you and they still feel love towards you, then there is a good chance they will eventually come back.
How do you know if they still love you?
I have already written a detailed article on this topic. So, if you are interested in learning about the signs that your ex still loves you, I recommend you read this article.
How to increase your chances of getting them back if your ex still loves you?
Just because your ex still loves you doesn’t guarantee that they will come back. Remember, something was broken in your relationship. And unless you fix that something, you can never be in a healthy and long-lasting relationship with your ex.
To get back with your ex, you must try to understand the root cause of the breakup and try to fix it.
7. They Open Up Once You Reach Out To Them With Honesty and Confidence
If you’ve read the 5-step plan to get back with your ex or the 5 Stages plan to get your ex-girlfriend back, you know I recommend you reach out to your ex when you feel you are ready after no contact.
With the right message, there is a good chance your ex will open up to you and want to start speaking to you again. It might take them a few days to digest the message and put their defenses down. But a lot of times, an ex feels like they can speak to you freely when they receive an honest and vulnerable message from you after a period of no communication.
If this happens to you, there is a good chance your ex will eventually come back to you. You just need to stay patient and show them how things will be different this time.
How You Can Send Them the Message with Honesty and Confidence?
Remember, before you can send them a message, you need to get some space from each other and figure out what you can do to fix the issues that lead to the breakup.
Once you are ready, read this article on texting to understand how to text your ex. And then, download my bonus report that includes “5 Elephant in the Room” messages by clicking here.
Reader Experience: He Reached Out To His Ex At The Right Time and She Came Back
Source: Reader Email from Josh
After 4-5 weeks of the breakup I made a desperate call to my ex. I ended up telling her exactly how she was unfair to me. According to expert advice, which I only found out about 3 days later, that would have diminished my chances.
But a couple weeks later my ex told me she couldn’t stop thinking about me since that phone call. As it turned out, she was already getting really annoyed by her new boyfriend and she started to realize how nice things were with me.
So I had some luck with the timing of my phone call and it didn’t even matter how bad I reacted when she didn’t give me the reaction I hoped for.
When she started contact with me about 7 days later I was fully prepared cause I found Ex Back Permanently in the meantime. And from there on it was really easy to get her back. I just told her in an email how I could now see why she left me.
I told her what that did to me at first but how I managed to use it to transform my life, I mentioned some goals I would be working on from now on and I thanked her for breaking up with me because it was ‘exactly what I needed’.
I wished her a happy life with her new boyfriend and asked her not to contact me for a couple of months so I could process the break up some more. She called me the same day to indirectly tell me she was gonna dump him and see if she could get back with me. Ten days later we were back together.
Lessons To Learn: Reaching out to your ex can work in your favor even if the odds seem against you. There is no harm in trying, especially if you have the right mindset for it.
8.Your Ex Wants to Meet Up
If your ex wants to meet up with you, that’s a huge sign that they will eventually come back. But just because they want to meet up doesn’t mean you’ve gotten them back. Meeting up with your ex is only the beginning of your new relationship with your ex.
You still need to make sure that you are confident in yourself, that you can fix whatever was broken in the relationship, and you don’t do anything that pushes them away.
What to Do If Your Ex Wants to Meet Up?
To increase your chances of getting them back in a healthy relationship, keep note of the following when you meet up with your ex.
a) Make sure that you are not needy or desperate. If you are still desperate to win them back, don’t meet up with them. Instead, ask them for space and do no contact for another week. During this time, work on your confidence and healing from the breakup.
Recommended Reading: The No Contact Rule To Heal From A Breakup and Get Your Ex Back
b) Make sure you have taken some time to reflect on the relationship patterns and the issues that lead to the breakup. If you contributed to the issues, think about what you could do differently moving forward (even if you don’t get back with your ex). There is a good chance that this topic will come up when you meet. It helps a lot if you are mentally prepared for it.
Recommended Reading: Should You Get Back With Your Ex – 3 Case Studies and 7 Questions To Help You Decide
c) Keep a good posture. Dress well. Smell well. And show up with a smile on your face. When your ex sees you, they should feel attracted to you both physically and emotionally.
d) Have a good time. Don’t force a conversation. And don’t talk about getting back together on the first date.
More details on what to do when you meet your ex can be found in these articles.
How To Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 Step Plan
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back in 5 Stages
9. You (Or Your Ex) Understand What Lead to The Breakup and If It Can Be Fixed
If you and your ex broke up, then I can say with absolute certainty that something was broken in your relationship. The issue in most cases is figuring out what that something was and how to fix it.
Remember, just because something was broken in the relationship, it does not necessarily mean something was broken in you. Sometimes, a relationship ends because of reasons that you can’t control. And if that happened with you, it may be for the best to give up on your ex and focus on healing from the breakup.
They probably left you because something was missing, or something was broken in the relationship. And you need to figure out what that was. And you need to figure out if you can fix that and have a healthy relationship with your ex in the future.
In a lot of cases, that something is communication. And if you were not communicating with your partner in a way that made them feel understood and accepted, then that’s probably why this breakup happened. And you need to learn how to communicate effectively to fix that.
Recommended Book: Non Violent Communications by Marshal B. Rosenberg.
It could be things other than communication as well. A lot of people have issues that need a lot of self-introspection, self-improvement or even therapy to resolve.
For example, your ex (or you) may have commitment issues that might have made them sabotage the relationship as soon as things got serious. To understand and resolve those commitment issues, they (or you) will need to understand the root cause of those issues and resolve them. It usually requires therapy and a lot of introspection.
According to Dr. Judith Kuriansky, PhD on BBC, one of the most commons reasons exes get back together is “feeling like they’ve grown and matured.”
We agree because we conducted a study and found the same thing. In the study done by Ex Back Permanently on couples getting back together (and staying together), we found that “Self-Improvement” is what helps the most in getting back with an ex and staying together for good.
If you understand the root cause of the breakup and you know how to fix that root cause, then there is a good chance your ex will come back. It’s important that you take action towards fixing that root cause of the breakup. Once your ex realizes that things have changed, they will most likely want to come back.
On the other hand, if your ex is aware of the root cause of the breakup and they are actively trying to fix the issue (for example, commitment issues); then there is a good chance they will come back eventually when they feel they are ready.
What To Do to Increase Your Chances of Getting Them Back if you Understand the Cause of the Breakup and How to Fix It?
It’s important to actually want to fix the issue for your own growth rather than for just wanting to get your ex back. You should be doing it because you think it will help you become a better person and improve all your relationships. You shouldn’t be doing it just to get your ex back.
For example, if communication was an issue in the relationship, it makes sense to want to learn to communicate better, so you don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship (even if it’s not with your ex).
But if your ex just wanted you to be someone you are not (for example, a party person), and you force yourself to become a party person just to get your ex back, it does not make sense. It doesn’t make you a better person and it won’t necessarily help you even if you don’t get your ex back.
To increase your chances of getting back with your ex in a healthy relationship, make sure what you are doing makes you a better person. This way, everything you do or say to your ex will be genuine and authentic. And your new relationship will have much stronger foundations than it had before.
What Makes Exes Come Back? Why Do They Come Back After Leaving You?
Exes come back for various psychological and situational reasons. These reasons include loneliness, jealousy, low self-esteem, breakup causing extreme anxiety, not being able to stop thinking about you, self-improvement, growth as an individual, becoming more mature, learning to communicate better, and learning what’s important in their life. Some of those reasons can be correlated to them leaving again. Let’s explore this.
Reasons Exes Come Back That Lead To Another Breakup
If your ex comes back due to jealousy, loneliness, anxiety or because of their low self-esteem; then there is a high chance of them leaving again. If they are coming back because they find out life is hard when they are not in a relationship, then nothing will really change when they come back.
I always say this to my clients, if nothing changes after getting back together, then you will just relive your previous relationship and breakup again.
We’ve found that repeating the previous relationship patterns is the main reason couples breakup again after their ex came back.
Reasons Exes Come Back That Lead to a Healthy Long Lasting Relationship
If your ex comes back because they realize that you are special after they have matured and grown as a person, then there is a good chance your new rekindled relationship will be healthy and will pass the test of time.
Their maturity and growth could be a result of self-improvement, time spent apart, learning to communicate better and experiencing other relationships.
Most exes who come back for the above reasons talk in detail about getting back together and take things slow to ensure the new relationship is stronger than before.
Signs Your Ex Will Not Come Back
If your ex has shown these signs, then chances are they will not come back.
- Your ex telling you calmly that they don’t intend to get back together after a few months of the breakup. Remember, a lot of exes say they don’t want to come back during a breakup or immediately after the breakup, but if they are still confident about remaining broken up after a few months, then they will never come back.
- They have been in a new relationship for more than six months. Some exes get into a rebound after a breakup. But if their new relationship has been going steadily for more than six months, then it’s probably not a rebound and they will not come back.
- Your relationship was toxic and your ex is focused on self-improvement. If your ex wants a healthy life, they won’t come back to a toxic relationship. The only way to change this is to focus on self-improvement yourself and then maybe some day in the future you will both find your way to each other.
- They have been completely silent for more than six months. It’s normal for exes to block each other or not talk to each other for a few weeks up to a few months. But if they have been completely silent and ignore all your calls or texts for a long time, then you should consider it a strong sign that they don’t want anything to do with you and they won’t come back.
What Stops Exes From Coming Back?
Sometimes, an ex would want to come back but something stops them from coming back. These things could be something you did or something that happened outside your control. In most cases, these roadblocks can be tackled in a way that may help your ex come back.
- If you continuously act needy, desperate and keep pushing your ex to get back together, they may not come back. This includes things like texting them constantly, calling them all the time, begging or pleading, trying to convince them to get back together every time you talk, etc. [Described in detail in the first step of my plan on getting your ex back]
- If your ex grows and realizes that the relationship they had with you was toxic, they may not come back.
- If you try to use manipulation and do things to make your ex jealous, they may see through it and block you. If your ex is the type of person who doesn’t want to play mind games, and you play these silly manipulative games with them, it may stop them from ever coming back.
- If your ex gets into new relationship, it may stop them from coming back even if they miss you and want you back. However, a lot of times such relationships end and the ex returns eventually.
What Can You Do To Make Your Ex Come Back?
I have mentioned some of the things that helps people get back together in the entire article. But just to give you a quick glimpse of what you can do to make your ex come back, here’s a checklist
- Don’t act needy or desperate. Don’t get angry and push your ex away.
- Do No Contact and stop contacting your ex.
- Focus on self-improvement, personal growth and learning better communication skills.
- If your ex reaches out, be honest and show confidence.
- If your ex doesn’t reach out and you still want them back, you should reach out to them when you feel ready.
- After your ex comes back, focus on creating a healthy relationship.
You can deep dive into what you can do to get your ex back by reading my article on How To Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 Step Plan.
Will My Ex Come Back After No Contact?
A lot of exes do come back if you stop contacting them and give them space. This happens because when you give them space, they may start missing you, get lonely or start wondering what you have been up to. But there is no guarantee that this will happen. A lot of times, exes don’t come back at all. A lot of factors are at play here and every breakup and situation is very different.
Like I said before, it’s just an overall better strategy to take actions and focus on your healing and self-improvement rather than wait for your ex to come back after no contact. If you still want to get back with them, then reach out to them whenever you are ready. Don’t just hope that love will fall into your lap. Be proactive and take action to get what you want in life.
Read – What To Do After No Contact
Will My Ex Come Back If They Are In a Rebound Relationship?
Your ex may come back even after getting into a new relationship, which is possibly a rebound. But again, there are no guarantees.
So focus on what you can control. Your growth, self-improvement, healing and your mindset. If you still want your ex to come back after a month or two of no contact, reach out to them.
When Will My Ex Come Back?
According to consensus and our study, we found that couples get back together within 1-6 months of the breakup.
The timeline varies for a lot of people. And again, some exes never come back. The important thing is to have the right mindset. Don’t just wait for your ex. Do things to heal from the breakup and if needed, move on from your ex.
An example of this timeline is the reader experience story that I shared above. It took him about 8 weeks to get back together with his ex-girlfriend.
Read: Should I Wait For My Ex? Why and For How Long?
What To Do After Your Ex Comes Back To Get Back Together in a Healthy Relationship?
When your ex comes back, you want to focus on creating a healthy relationship with open and honest communication. Here are a few tips.
- First of all, speak about what they expect from you. Don’t just assume they want to get back together. I’ve seen cases where an ex just wanted to hook up for a night or wanted a friends with benefit situation. So speak to your ex about what you want and what you expect. If you are both not on the same page, be willing to walk away.
- Speak about the issues that broke you apart. Make sure you both understand each other and agree to the reasons.
- Talk about what you both can do to change that. This may include things to do individually or together as a couple. For a lot of people, couples therapy could prove to be very beneficial.
- Talk about taking things slow and don’t just jump in. It helps if you go on a few dates as if you both just started dating again.
Read: How You and Your Ex Can Get Back Together Using Respect, Honesty and Communication
I Think My Ex Wants Me Back But They Are Not Coming Back. What Can I Do?
Your ex may want you back but something may be stopping them from coming back. If you feel this is the situation, speak to them about your growth after the breakup and talk to them about their growth. Be honest and open. If you feel right, tell them you want to get back together.
Read: 8 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
I Can’t Stop Thinking About My Ex. I Keep Hoping He/She Will Come Back. It’s So Painful To Be Without Him/Her. What Can I Do?
I get it. Breakups suck and the pain is unbearable at times. If this breakup is extremely hard for you to cope with, I recommend you look into getting help from a mental health professional in your area. You should especially seek help from a mental help professional or a therapist if you feel extremely anxious and the breakup pain is interfering with your day to day life. Therapy can help you make sense of your thoughts and develop strategy to process these thoughts and move forward.
A breakup coach can also help you process your thoughts and come up with the best strategy to get back together with your ex in a healthy relationship.
Self-help advice from reputable sources (such as our website) can also be very beneficial. Here are some resources that can help you heal.
How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex – Best Strategies To Take Control Of Your Mind Again
The No Contact Rule After The Breakup – How It Works To Help You Heal and Think Clearly
In addition, consider joining our free email course. It has helped thousands of people heal from the breakup. A lot of them realize they don’t even want their ex back after a few weeks of this email course.
The content in your previous email series was so helpful. I did what you said and I no longer WANT my ex back. Focusing on myself helped me move on… which at the time, I didn’t think I would EVER do. Your emails were tremendously helpful. Thank you.
Ellen
You can subscribe to this free email course by taking this “Will My Ex Come Back Quiz“.
Conclusion
Wanting to know if your ex will eventually come back is a natural response to the breakup. Your mind is going through breakup grief (Denial) and it wants to believe that this breakup is temporary.
Feeding your denial is not healthy and it doesn’t help you get your ex back and keep them.
Instead, you should focus on what you can actively do to become a better person and have a healthy fulfilling relationship (with or without your ex).
Your ex may come back.
Or your ex may never come back.
But with the right attitude, the right mindset, and a little bit willpower, you can make sure that you will find the love and happiness you deserve. You can make sure that your next relationship will be an amazing relationship. Be it with your ex or with someone else.
To figure out how to take control of this situation and what to do to get your ex back in a healthy relationship, read one of the following articles. They are extremely detailed and free to read.
How to Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 step plan
How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back by Leveling Up in 5 Stages
In addition, here are a few extra resources that will help you move forward and take control of your life after a bad breakup.
Is your ex worth getting back? – Find out in 6 steps
What are your chances of getting your ex back – Take this interactive quiz to find out
The Five Conversations You Need To Have With Your Ex To Get Them back and Keep Them Permanently
Disclosure: The links in this article that lead to amazon are affiliate links and this website earns commission on purchases made through those links.
Should I Let Him Go Or Be a Little More Patient?
My Ex-boyfriend and I dated for nearly two years. Our relationship ended because I asked for a break which lasted about four months. I asked for a break because we were arguing quite a bit, and I was unsure of our future together and wanted some clarity before continuing the relationship. Although we were on a break, it was as if we were not because we continued to talk every day and did everything like we were in a relationship. The relationship title was the only thing missing. Looking back, I realized how bad I messed up and that no break should last so long. I think our break lasted a long time because we were still involved with one another, which did not help with gaining clarity. We did not truly take a break and looking back, I have learned a lesson from the situation and will never in my life ask for a break in a relationship again. I rather break up than ask for a break. I did try to break up with him before asking for a break, but he begged me not to hence why I later asked for a break.
Fast forward to about four months into our break, I concluded that we are compatible and that our issues are things that we could work through. I could easily picture myself spending the rest of my life with him. As I began to put more effort into the relationship and told him we could get back together, I noticed he started to put less and less effort in. He started acting differently, so I told him that and asked him what was going on. He said he went through my phone and saw text messages between me and an unsaved number where the person said, “I miss you” and, I said, “I miss you too” and then I asked the person to come to my house. I realized that he was talking about messages between my female neighbor. He interpreted the messages as me talking to another guy and concluded that I was cheating. I told him that I can see how the messages look shady and that he probably would not believe me, but the messages were to a friend, and nothing romantic was going on. I told him I felt bad about the situation and was sorry for hurting his feelings. He said it was okay and that despite the messages, I should note that he still proceeded to talk and hang out with me. I probably should have told him the messages were from another female, but I did not want him to question my sexuality.
After that, he started to give me the run around as we continuously made plans to hang out, and he never followed through. He rarely answered my calls, and when he did, he would say he would call me back but never did. He was always "busy working or hanging out with his brother." He opted to texting me. In December, I got fed up with the run-around and confronted him. I asked him why he was refusing to spend time with the person he claims to be in love with (me) and told him, that his actions were saying otherwise. His excuse was that he had been busy with work and helping out his family. Eventually, I decided to drive to his house to try and talk to him and see what was going on, and I found him with another woman. When I found him at his house with another woman, he told me we weren’t together and stuck with the woman. Following that day, I mistakenly made myself look needy, by showing up at his house again, trying to talk to him, telling him how much I wanted to be with him, and asking him to decide between myself and the woman. He denied the woman being his girlfriend but he told me he was confused and did not know what to do at the moment. I told him I would give him time and space. After talking to him and sensing some genuineness from him, I
was hopeful that we would get back together, and we even ended up engaging in sexual intercourse. I later realized that he was still giving me the runaround and being deceitful, so I confronted him with what I knew and told him to tell me whether or not he wanted to be with me. He said he loved me but could not be with me because he did not trust me. He also said that he was confused, but if he decided he wanted to be with me he would try and get me back no matter who I was with. I accepted what he said to me and told him I would leave him alone. When he noticed that I was leaving him alone, he started to text me more.
I pretty much made all of the mistakes that could be made after a break-up. In realizing that everything I was doing to try and get him back was not working, I started to look online for better methods. I found your website and implemented no contact. During no contact, he would respond with emojis to my Instagram posts, sent me videos, and texted me to check up on me, but I stopped responding. Towards the end of my no contact, he texted me asking how I was doing, and I did not respond. The same day he called me two times, and I did not answer. Later that night, he called me again while I was sleeping. Since I subconsciously wanted to talk to him, being half asleep, I answered. When I realized it was him, I asked him what he wanted? He asked me a ton of questions, but I did not answer any of them. He said he missed me, wanted to talk, and asked if he could come to see me. I told him no, I did not want to see him, that I was going back to sleep, and hung up. He then called me five more times, and I did not answer. He also texted me that he was driving to my house, but I did not respond. He did not show up to my house.
Following the end of my no-contact period, I texted him if he still wanted to talk. He said yes, so I told him he could call me at 9 pm if he wanted to talk. He did not. Instead, he texted me at 1 am asking if I was still up and apologizing for not respecting the time I gave him to call me. I told him it was okay. Then he sent a series of messages saying: he missed me, he feels like he has a void in his life, that I am the person for him, that I am the only one who understands him, and that he can open up to. He also said that he was depressed, and the last time he called me he became more depressed because he thought I was having sex with someone else. He said he wanted to contact me every night but did not want to disturb me and asked for me to please allow him to check up on me even if I do not let him see me. The messages made me hopeful. I did not spill my feelings out to him, but I responded by saying I understand and that he knows I experienced similar feelings right after our breakup. He texted me first the next couple of days, and I responded. Three days later, I called him, talked to him for a bit, then said I was confused with his messages “the I miss u messages” to see if he would talk more about them, but he did not.
I have now realized that my ex-boyfriend has been bread crumbing me. He initiates contact with me saying he will bring me food, and hints at us hanging out but never follows through. He is hot and cold and inconsistent with his messaging. For Valentine’s day, he messaged me saying he got me a gift and was going to bring it to me, then never did. His new tactic is to ask me if I am home and if I will be free for the day so he can bring me the gift and once I say yes he stops responding. His latest message asks if I want him to bring me the gift today and if I am not going to be busy. I have not responded because he has sent similar messages about the gift for the past couple of days when I have already told him he could bring it and asked what it was and he has failed to do so or tell me what the gift is. I'm not sure how to best respond to his breadcrumb behavior. For the moment, I decided to stop responding because I sense his messages are still breadcrumbs. He tries to see if I will say yes to meeting with him and once I say yes, he ignores my message. Then he messages me again the next day or if he thinks I might be with another guy based on my ambiguous Instagram stories. Even when I respond with concrete times to him asking to bring me something, he goes cold again and ignores my message. He even swiped up to me posting roses and chocolates on my story for Valentine's day saying, " I guess I am too late again?" when I replied “huhh??” to that he did not respond.
He has made no real attempts to pursue me and has been hanging out with the other woman consistently. I am thinking about going into no contact or even blocking him on Instagram and iMessage.
My ex (22 years old) has been seeing the other woman (24 years old with 2 younger kids) this whole time. From December up to now. I am 23 years old. He refuses to admit it to me (he is hiding it from me), but I know he has because it is all over her Instagram. The woman he is seeing requested to follow me on Instagram, but I left the request sitting there idle. My ex-boyfriend thinks I do not know that he is seeing this woman, who he spent Valentine’s day with while he voluntarily lied to me and told me that he was going to work. He also has refused to stop sharing his location with me on iMessage and instead opts to turn it off occasionally. Probably when he is going to the woman's house. By the way, I do not engage with him on Instagram. I do not watch his stories. I actually muted him so I would not see what he posts.
My question to you is should I go back into no contact, and if so for how long? Should I block him on Instagram and iMessage? Should I let him go for good now and move on? Should I be a little more patient? Of course, if there is still a chance for us to get back together I would like to try but if not at this point I am okay with letting it go. I know there are plenty of other people out there. Despite everything I clearly still have love for him and think we can work our way towards a happy and healthy relationship. I am taking time out of my day to write this long email, which says a lot. I must say it is insane to me how in November of 2021 he told me I was the love of his life and in December of 2021 he started acting differently, but I am aware that how love works sometimes. I am also aware that I was not perfect and nobody is perfect. Men and Women think and operate differently. Regardless, after my initial no-contact and much reflecting, I know that despite the outcome with us life goes on. I am also appreciative of the situation because it has taught me a lot and I know I will take these lessons into my next relationship.