Your ex might have refused to talk to you (or blocked you), but that doesn’t mean you can’t get them back.
Getting your ex to start talking to you again is not really that hard. But before you get them to talk to you again, you need to understand why they stopped talking to you in the first place. Not only do you need to understand it, you also need to fix whatever caused your ex to stop talking to you.
For all you know, your ex may start talking to you, and when they realize that nothing has changed, they will stop talking to you again. And this time, they will be even more sure about cutting you off than they were before.
In this article, we will talk about a few common reasons why an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend will stop talking to you or block you. We will talk about how to fix those issues. And then we will talk about how to get your ex to start talking with you again and eventually start loving you again.
Table of Content:
- Reason 1: Bombarding Your Ex With Text Messages
- Reason 2: Your Ex is Playing Mind Games
- Reason 3: Your Ex is Angry at You
- Reason 4: Your Ex is Trying To Heal
- Reason 5: Your Ex Has Someone New
- How To Get Your Ex To Start Speaking To You Again
- How To Get Your Ex To Unblock You
Reason 1: You have been bombarding him or her with text messages and calls (The Most Common Reason)
In my experience, the most common reason for someone to stop talking with their ex is because they have been harassed on the phone. If you are constantly messaging and calling your ex, then they are bound to get tired of you. They understand you are hurt from the breakup. And they understand that you want to convince them to get back together. And they are tired of it.
When you are messaging constantly or stalking them continuously on social media; you are telling your ex that you are not still needy and desperate. When you call them to tell them you miss them, you are telling them that you are miserable without them and that you will do anything to get them back.
Maybe your instincts will have you believe that harassing your ex will make them come back, but it’s not so. (Read how instincts screw with you after a breakup). In fact, everything you do that makes you look needy is going to make your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend less attracted to you and more sure about their decision of breaking up.
In a nutshell, if your ex blocked you (or stopped talking to you) because of this, then it was your neediness, desperation and insecurity that pushed them to stop talking to you.
How To Fix This?
Unless you fix this neediness, this desperation, this insecurity that caused your ex to stop talking to you, there is no point in getting them to start talking to you again. Because even if you succeed in getting your ex to start talking to you again, they will eventually sense your desperation and block you again.
So before you even think about using any of the techniques mentioned below, your aim should be to stop being so desperate and needy.
Now, you don’t need to become a completely different person to do that. You don’t even need to move on from your ex.
But you do need to make some changes in the way you think about this breakup and losing your ex. To do that, I highly recommend you start by reading this article if you want your ex-boyfriend back or this article if you want your ex-girlfriend back.
Once you are done reading those articles, you will feel a lot better about this whole situation. And hopefully, you won’t be so needy and desperate anymore.
The second thing you can do is start no contact. If you’ve read the articles above, then you know that no contact is a big part of the whole picture. Stop contacting your ex and stop following them on social media.
Let your mind and your body detox from your ex. Let your mind and body realize that you don’t need your ex to be happy. People are “needy” because their mind believes that they “need” their ex to survive. Because their mind believes that they “need” their ex for happiness.
Once you learn to be happy without your ex, you will realize that you don’t “need” your ex to be happy. And as a result, you will stop being so needy and desperate when you speak to them.
You may still want them back. But that’s okay. Just make sure you “want” them back and not “need” them.
Once you’ve done no contact, and you have healed enough, you can make an attempt to get your ex to start talking to you again.
Reason 2: They Are Playing Mind Games or They Are Being Immature (Common)
A lot of times, an ex will block you because of immaturity. They may block you because they are playing a power game and they think that blocking you will give them some sort of power over you.
Sometimes, they will block you to punish you. Maybe you read somewhere that you should ignore your ex and you decided to not reply to their message. And because of that, your ex decided to punish you for ignoring them and they decide to block you.
It worked because now you are panicking and trying to find ways to get them to unblock you.
All these mind games, push/pull dynamics, manipulation tactics fall under this category.
And they are common in relationships where you both did not communicate openly and honestly with each other. It’s common in relationships where there was kind of a power dynamics between the partners.
If you are not sure what I mean by “power dynamics” in the relationship, then let me ask you this. Do you feel one of you had more power in the relationship? In such relationships, one person usually has more control than the other. And in most cases, it’s that person who initiated the breakup.
And blocking you and playing mind games is their way of remaining in control.
How To Fix This Issue?
If your ex is being manipulative and are playing mind games, they are, in a way, being immature. And the only way to fix immaturity is by being mature.
If you have been in a toxic power dynamic with your ex for a long time, then there is a good chance your mind will panic as soon as your ex stops talking to you or blocks you. And that is exactly what your ex expects. They want you to panic. They want you to lose your shit and do something stupid. They want to know that they still have control over you.
Instead of panicking, I want you to use this opportunity to break free from this toxic cycle. I want you to use this opportunity stop letting your ex control your emotions.
Whenever your ex unblocks you (and there is a good chance they will), you need to speak to them in a mature way. You need to show them maturity and growth. You need to prove to them that their mind games won’t work on you anymore. And if they want to speak to you, they also need to start acting mature.
Again, doing no contact and working on yourself is a great way to do that. So I recommend you start by reading this article if you want your ex-girlfriend back and this article for every other type of breakup.
Reason 3: Your Ex Is Angry At You (Common)
A lot of times, an ex will stop communications with you or block you because they are angry at you. It could be that they are angry at you for something you did, (like something you posted on social media) or something you didn’t do, (like not replying to their message).
If your ex is mad or angry at you for something and they don’t know how to process your emotion, they may just block you. It may come out of nowhere or they may tell you before blocking you.
The key problem here is that they don’t know how to process their emotions. Blocking is just a side effect of that problem.
How To Fix This?
If your ex has blocked you (or stopped talking to you) because of anger, then their anger will eventually subside and they will start talking to you again sooner or later.
But the key problem still remains unfixed. What if they get angry at something else and decide to block you again?
The best way to fix the core issue here is to learn to communicate better. Once you have the communication skills needed to understand their point of view, you can dissipate their anger before it causes any problem. Once you learn to understand them on a deeper level, you will be able to fulfil the needs that are probably triggering their anger.
Of course, it’s easier said than done. But a great place to start is the Better Communications Course which comes as a Bonus with the EBP Advanced System.
Another great resource that I recommend to most of my clients is the book Non-Violent Communications by Marshal B. Rosenberg.
Reason 4: Your Ex is applying the No Contact Rule and is Trying to Heal From The Breakup (Less Common)
A lot of people stop talking to an ex in an attempt to heal from the breakup, to move on or to try to get back together at a later stage.
If this is the case with you, you have to respect the fact that your ex needs some space and time for himself.
Like I say constantly through this site, the no contact rule is for you. It’s for you to decide what you want in life and what is good for you. It’s for you to regain your composure and become a happier person.
This is exactly what your ex is doing at this time. So why not let them?
OK, I understand it’s a little hard to comprehend the fact that your ex might move on while they are doing this. But there is literally nothing you can do about it. If your ex decided to start no contact, then every message you send them is only going to make you more needy in his idea.
During the no contact rule, your ex is probably going to think a lot about the relationship and you. You should let them. Don’t try to influence their thoughts.
Let them come to their own conclusions. And who knows maybe they will decide to get back together with you. And even if they don’t, it’s okay. You can still try to get them back when you are ready.
So How To Fix This Issue?
For starters, if your ex wants to heal from the breakup, it’s not really an issue. In fact, it’s only an issue if your ex has healed and you are still in the same needy/desperate headspace as before.
So the best thing you can do while your ex is doing no contact is focus on healing from the breakup and growing as a person. If you are unsure how to do that, considering getting the EBP Advanced System that teaches you effective self-improvement during no contact.
This way, when/if your ex decides to contact you, you will be ready for them. You will be a much more confident person than before and you will have a much better understanding of what caused the breakup and how to fix it. If you say the right things at the right time, there is a good chance you will get them back. (Read 5 Essential things you must do after no contact).
Reason 5: Your Ex Has Someone New That’s Stopping Them (Least Common But The Worst Situation)
If your ex has a new girlfriend or a new boyfriend and (s)he is not letting your ex talk to you, then you have a serious situation. There is literally nothing you can do that won’t make you look like a crazy, jealous and stalky ex.
The truth is, if they are not talking to you because they are serious about their new relationship, then they really want to move on. And you should respect that.
How To Fix This?
The only thing you can do right now is wait out this new relationship. If you are lucky, it’s just a rebound and it will end soon. If you are unfortunate, they might end up in a long relationship with this new person and you won’t ever have a chance with your ex.
Reading about rebound relationships and your options of getting them back might help ease your mind. Here are a few resources for you to read.
How To Get Your Ex To Start Speaking To You Again If They Blocked You Because of Your Neediness/Desperation (or Any Other Reason)?
In a lot of cases, once you stop contacting your ex and start the no contact rule, your ex will reach out to you.
Basically, when you stop pushing, your ex will start wondering what happened to you and they will reach out to you find out.
They might not even be able to cope with your silence and start acting a little crazy (angry texts, angry phone calls, mean Facebook messages).
Doing no contact is usually enough to get your ex to start speaking to you again if they blocked you because of your neediness, because of anger, because of a power play or because they are trying to heal.
But just because your ex reached out to you during no contact doesn’t mean you will get them back. In a lot of cases, your ex will reach out just to check whether or not you are still needy or desperate to win them back.
A wrong move from you may just push them away once again.
So if your ex reaches out to you while you are doing no contact, make sure that you don’t act needy or desperate. Be honest, but don’t be needy. If you are still hurt from the breakup, you can be honest about your pain, but you should not beg them to take you back.
For example, it’s okay to say something like,
But it’s not okay to say something like,
And it’s also not okay to be fake. If your ex senses that you are not being genuine or that you are playing a mind game, they will still think of you as being needy and desperate.
Imagine you are still hurt from the breakup and constantly thinking about your ex. You start no contact and your ex reaches out to you after two weeks of no contact. Your ex is curious how you have been and why you are not contacting them. They ask you how you are. And you say something like,
The first thing that may cross your ex’s mind will be; “Really?”. They will be shocked.
A couple of weeks ago you were a complete mess. And now you are the happiest you have ever been?
That doesn’t make sense. Does it? Unless, you are delusional. Or, unless you are lying.
Even if faking it works temporarily, your ex will figure out eventually that you have been lying to them. And they will block you again once they realize that you have been playing mind games with them.
To them, you just went from being someone who was needy, insecure and desperate to someone who is needy, insecure, desperate and manipulative.
You didn’t remove the behaviour that caused them to stop talking to you or block you. You just added another behaviour to hide those behaviour. You learned how to manipulate. And that makes you a little bit dangerous. And if your ex has any sense, they will want to stay away from you.
To recap, if your ex starts reaching out to you, be honest, but don’t be needy. You can read my article on texting to understand how to exactly do that.
What if your ex never reaches out?
If your ex does not contact you during the no contact period, then you will have to take matters in your own hands and contact them.
Of course, before you contact your ex, you should make sure you have gone through the no-contact period and you are ready for what comes after no contact. (Read What To Do After No Contact Rule)
Now when you contact your ex, it’s not going to be like before. It’s not going to be a message that reeks of neediness. It’s going to be something that will arouse their curiosity. It’s going to be something that will keep them thinking about you for a while. There are a couple of ways to do that.
1. Apologize for the Past and Wipe The Slate Clean
I call this message the Elephant in The Room Text. It’s designed to acknowledge what happened in the past and give you and your ex a clean slate to start something new.
I won’t go into the detail of this message here because I have written extensively about it in my article on texting your ex.
Additionally, you can download five sample Elephant in the Room texts in this bonus guide.
2. Use Curiosity
The second way is an indirect message that does not really address anything of the past. The key to this message is to create enough curiosity for your ex to text you back. There are a few simple yet powerful messages that you can use to contact him.
Here are a few messages that DON’T WORK.
Did you see what’s wrong with these messages? The first one just reeks of neediness. The second one is an obvious ploy to get him to talk to you and the third one is simply boring.
To arouse their curiosity, you need to make the message about them and not about you. People are selfish and no topic is more interesting to them than themselves.
Here are a few examples that arouse their curiosity.
See how all these messages are about them? If you use the first message, they will be thinking what did you do to THEM that you want to confess. If you use the second message, they will be thinking what they did that you are thanking THEM for. And in the last one, they will be curious about what reminded you of THEM.
Get the idea? If course, you don’t have to use exactly the same messages. You can be creative and use something that you came up on your own. Just make sure it’s something that arouses curiosity and it’s about your ex.
And remember, you must have something to say once they reply. Let the conversation flow naturally and speak to them like you would speak to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time.
Read my article on texting your ex to get a better idea on how to keep the conversation going.
How To Get Your Ex To Unblock You If You Are Still Blocked After No Contact?
If you have done no contact and you are still blocked everywhere, then the best course of action is to send them an Elephant in the Room Message.
How do you send the elephant in the room message if you are blocked from everywhere?
You have two options to do that.
a) Send Them an Email
There is a good chance you are not blocked from their email. And even if you are, you can easily create a new email address and use that to send them the message.
b) Send Them a Handwritten Letter
They will still receive a postal mails even if you are blocked from everywhere. A hand written letter is a good option for few cases, but in most cases, I recommend you stick with the email.
Again, it’s very important that you send them the right message and you are prepared to speak to them when they start talking to you again. If they realize you are still needy/desperate, they will block you again and it will be next to impossible to get them to unblock you this time.
I’ve written down 5 sample texts that can be used in most situations to get your ex to unblock you and start talking to you again. You can download them by clicking here.
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