If you are missing your ex boyfriend or your ex girlfriend after a breakup, it’s because you are a human being. Human beings have a tendency to miss their loved ones when they are awaxy from them. When you are away from the people you love and care about, you miss their presence. The more used to being around the person, the more you miss them.
You may not want to miss your ex because it hurts thinking about them. But your mind and your body can’t really help but miss them. In this article, we will learn why you miss your ex, why it’s okay to miss you ex and what actions (if any) you should take if you are missing them.
Part 1: Why Do You Miss Your Ex so Much?
If you and your ex were in a serious relationship, then you probably started associating your ex with being a part of your identity. You felt like you and your ex belonged together. You started seeing yourself as a part of duo. As part of a couple who supported each other and cared for each other. You had your own inside jokes, your own rituals, and things only the two of you knew about each other. And when the breakup happened, it all just went away in an instant.
You may miss your ex because of one of the following reasons.
1. You miss the way you feel when you were in a relationship.
The relationship may have made you feel secure. You knew your ex cared for you and you cared for them. You knew they will be there for you at the end of the day even if the entire world was against you. You had someone to watch those Netflix specials with. It felt good knowing someone loved you. It felt good waking up next to the person you love. When the breakup happened, everything that made you feel secure vanished in an instant. It’s only normal to miss that feeling.
2. You miss the memories with your ex.
There’s a good chance you and your ex made some amazing memories together. The day when you met. Your first kiss. The first time you had sex. Maybe the day you got married. Your first fight. When you made up after the first fight. There are so many special moments when you are with the person you love that you want to remember and cherish forever. But when a breakup happens, those memories may hurt a lot because they are a reminder of what you lost.
3. You miss the future that you had hoped for with your ex
If you are like the thousands of people who come to this website for advice after a breakup, then there’s a good chance you had hoped for a future with your ex. Even if you were the broke up, you may have, at one time, thought about being with your ex for a long time. If you were just dating, you may have hoped for a future where you both got married, had children, build a home together and grow old together. If you and your ex were married or if you already had children, you may have hoped to stay in that marriage for a long time, support your children as a married couple, grow old together and support each other through every phase of life.
But then the breakup (or the divorce) happened. and the hope you had for your future with your love was crushed.
We all have a vision of our future and the person we are going to share that future with. We kind of rely on that vision to motivate us, inspire us and make us feel secure in times of uncertainty. When the breakup happened, that hope for the future was taken away from you in an instant. And when you miss your ex, you may be also missing that hopeful future that you envisioned with your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.
4. You miss your ex because you are just lonely
If you were in a relationship with your ex for a long time, you probably got used to having a romantic partner and a sexual partner. You got used to having sex regularly. You got used to having someone say to you that they love you. And now that your ex is gone, you miss all those benefits of being in a relationship. It is one of our basic need to have a romantic partner. Being in a healthy romantic relationship has been proven to not only be healthy for your mind, but also for your body.
Is it normal to miss your ex so badly?
It’s absolutely normal to miss your ex badly after a breakup. Human beings miss the people they love once they are taken away from them. Missing an ex is part of the breakup grief that everyone goes through. The more you were in love with your ex, the more badly you are likely to miss them.
Is it normal to miss my ex even though it has been a long time (a year or more) since the breakup?
It’s okay to you miss your ex or think about your ex even after years of the breakup only if it’s on occasion. If you are constantly missing your ex (or obsessing over them) even though it’s been a long time since the breakup, then it means you have not healed from the breakup.
If you are constantly thinking about getting back with your ex, then you should consider reaching out to them and explaining how you feel. Read our detailed guide on getting your ex boyfriend back or getting your ex girlfriend back. You can also take this quiz to figure out your chances of getting back together.
Is it okay to miss your ex if your relationship was toxic? Why do I miss my ex even though the relationship was toxic? Why Do I Miss My Narcissist Ex?
It is normal to miss a narcissist ex or a toxic ex even though you feel relieved that the toxic relationship is over. The truth is, there are many things in a toxic relationship that keeps people hooked to it. Things like love bombing, gaslighting, and codependency. When you end a toxic relationship, there is a good chance you will miss the good parts of the relationship. But it’s important to remind yourself that the relationship was unhealthy for you and you are much better off without one. If you were in a toxic relationship, look into these resources.
Why does it hurt when I miss my ex?
Breakups are extremely painful for a lot of people. Researcher, Helen Fisher and her colleagues, used MRI scans to find out that romantic rejection or a breakup has similar effects on the brain as that of a drug addict suffering from a withdrawal. In other words, the pain you feel when you miss your ex is quite real and common.
While missing your ex, some people may even feel chest pain or shortness of breath when they are extremely stressed and in severe emotional pain. This condition is called “The Broken Heart Syndrome” according to Mayo Clinic. If the physical pain or stress you are experiencing while missing your ex persists for a long time, it’s important to take it seriously and get help immediately.
What does it mean if I miss my ex?
If you miss your ex, it probably means that you miss being in a relationship. It means you miss the security and the comfort that comes with a relationship. It may also mean that you are lonely and miss having a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It does not mean that it’s a sign from the universe that you should try to get back with them. It does not mean that you should reach out to your ex and talk to them.
How long is it okay to miss your ex after a breakup?
It’s okay to miss your ex badly for two weeks to two months. But as time goes by, the amount of time you miss your ex should reduce . After a month or two, you should start thinking clearly and your attention should shift from your ex to other things in your life. Things such as your friends, your family, career goals and health goals etc. After about six months, you may till miss your ex occasionally but it shouldn’t bother you or interfere with your life. After about a year or two, the thought of your ex may still come in your head once in a while and it may make you feel bad, but you will probably just reminisce and let it go in a few minutes.
Note that there is no set timeline for this. Different people heal and accept the breakup at different pace. Some people may miss their ex badly for a couple weeks while others may miss their ex badly for six months. It’s okay if your progress is slow but it’s important that there is progress. If the amount of time and intensity you spend missing your ex is the same as it was a month ago, then you need to do things differently to help you heal from the breakup and stop missing your ex all the time. See below for tips on how to do that.
Does My Ex Also Miss Me?
Yes, your ex also probably misses you. As we discussed before, it’s normal and quite common for human beings to miss their ex after a breakup. This applies to your ex also. Your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend probably misses you even if they were the dumper. You can also look out for some signs that your ex misses you.These signs include your ex stalking you on social media, reaching out to you often, reaching out to your friends or family and the way they reply when you reach out to them.
Part 2: What You Should Do When You Miss Your Ex?
When you miss your ex, you may be tempted to reach out to him or maybe even try to numb your feelings or distract yourself. But it may not be the best way to stop missing him or her. In this section, we will discover what you should do when you miss your ex. How you can stop yourself from missing your ex, whether or not you should reach out to your ex and if you should do any soul searching before taking any action.
Here’s how you can stop missing your ex
1. Stop Any Direct or Indirect Contact With Your Ex
One of the core principles of healing from a breakup, moving on from a breakup or getting your ex back in a new and healthy relationship is to do something called the no contact rule. The rule simply states that you should stop contacting your ex directly (through phone calls, texts or IMs) or indirectly (by checking up on them on social media or keeping tabs on them through common friends). Doing no contact will not only help you stop missing your ex, it will also help you heal from the breakup and grow as a person.
The idea is to detox yourself from any information about your ex. Because the more you you speak to your ex or hear about them, the more you are going to miss them. But when you stop contacting them, you are slowly going to heal from the breakup, process everything that happened and eventually stop missing them so badly and frequently.
As time goes by, you will focus less on your ex and more on yourself. You will focus less on what your ex is doing or what your ex is thinking and you will focus more on your needs, your desires, your dreams and your aspirations.
2. Remove Reminders of Your Ex and Avoid Anything That May Remind You Of Them
An obvious thing to do that may help you stop missing your ex is to remove reminders of your ex from your home and your vicinity. Remove things like your ex’s toothbrush, any pictures of them, their favorite pillow or their favorite blanket. In addition, you should wash anything that may still smell like your ex. When you go out, it’s best to avoid going to places you used to visit frequently with your ex.
If you don’t see, hear or smell things that remind you of your ex, you are less likely to miss them. Keep in mind that just removing the things won’t necessarily stop you missing your ex altogether. But it will certainly help.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
You should prioritize taking care of your physical and mental health while you are grieving from the breakup. Get a massage, go for a Mani/Pedi, get a new haircut, take a long bath or go have a meal at your favorite restaurant. Instead of indulging in alcohol or drugs that may numb the feelings; indulge in things that make you feel better and helps relieve stress from your body and mind.
4. Rediscover Yourself, Your Identity and Redefine What’s Important to You
Even if you miss your ex terribly and you feel you want them back desperately, you should still use this time to do some soul searching and figure out what’s most important to you.
A part of your brain may shout, “My ex is the most important thing in the world to me”. But you gotta tell that part of your brain to kindly shut up and appeal to the part of that brain that may have been dormant for a while.
Ask yourself questions like,
What is it that you always wanted to do but never got the chance to do?
Is there something you loved, but gave up, because you got too busy in the relationship?
What is the activity/hobby/passion/industry that brings you joy/excitement/fulfillment?
Breakups are an excellent opportunity to rediscover yourself and set new goals for your life. Once you have figured out what’s important for you, you should set goals for that and try to focus on that. Connect with people who share the same values as you and also feel the same about those things. Working on things that are important to you and connecting with a community who shares the same values can bring a new meaning to your life and increase your self-confidence and self-worth by tenfold.
5. Consider Dating Again When You Feel You are Ready
A good way to stop missing your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is to replace the romantic memories with new ones. Of course, it’s much easier said than done. It’s hard to find someone you truly connect with and who wants the same things in a relationship as you. And if you go out on bad dates, you may just start missing your ex even more when you realize how hard it is to replace them.
This is why it’s important that you only start dating when you have healed from the breakup. If you are still missing your ex badly, you should not go out on dates. There is a good chance you won’t enjoy the date and would end up missing your ex even more. But if you have healed from the breakup and are only missing your ex occasionally (maybe after a month or two of the breakup), then you should consider stepping back in the dating market. You should only start dating again when the possibility of finding someone new excites you and not depresses you.
Part 3: Should you contact your ex when you miss them?
When you miss a family member, you can just pick up a phone and call them. But it’s not the same for an ex. For starters, calling them all the time will make you look needy or desperate. If your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend is hoping to get you back (and you don’t want that), telling them you miss them may send the wrong message. And if you want to get back together (and your ex doesn’t), calling them all of a sudden expressing how much you miss them may just push them away (or get you blocked).
Is it Okay to To Tell Your Ex You Miss Them?
Telling your ex you miss them via text or by calling them is not okay in most cases. If you want to tell them you miss them, you should do it tactfully and only do it when you are sure it won’t send the wrong message.
When is it okay to text your ex that you miss them and how to say it?
1. If you are sure you want your ex back, you have healed from the breakup, you have done no contact for at least 30 days and you think you are ready to get back in touch with your ex; you can text them that you miss them.
Hey, I know it’s been a while since we spoke. I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I respect and admire you as a person. I miss speaking to you and I would love to reconnect. How have you been?
[You can read some Examples for more complicated breakups by downloading this bonus]
2. If you are sure getting back with your ex is not a good idea, but you still want to stay friends with them and speak to them occasionally.
Example, “Hey, It’s been a while since we spoke. I think it’s time we try that friendship thing we talked about during the breakup. I kind of miss speaking to you. How have you been?”
3. If you don’t want to reconnect but just want them to know that you miss them and maybe apologize for something you did.
Hey, I know I was unfair to you towards the end of our relationship and I made a lot of mistakes. I want to apologize for that and for disrespecting you. I want you to know that I truly admire and respect you and I miss you ever day. I don’t expect you to reply to this but I need you to know that I am sorry and I have learned from my mistakes and I am working to become a better person.
4. If you and your ex are speaking regularly (or occasionally) and you feel comfortable enough to tell them that you miss them. If you are speaking to them, it’s best to tell only say you miss them in middle of a conversation and be specific about what you miss.
I was finally able to finish the crossfit challenge that I could never do before.
Wow, congrats. I love how determined you are. There are so many things I miss about you but the thing I miss most is that you always inspired me.
I miss you too.
Note: If you are not sure how to reach a point where you can speak this much comfortably with your ex, check out the EBP Advanced System. And take this quiz to find out if it’s even possible to start talking to your ex again like the above example.
5. If your ex reaches out to you telling you that they miss you, it’s okay to say it back. Just make sure you let them know how you feel about the breakup honestly so they don’t misinterpret your message.
I miss you a lot.
I miss you too. But breaking up was the right decision for us. And I am sure we will both heal from it and move on.
Here’s When it’s Not okay to Tell Your Ex that you Miss Them
1. If the breakup is fresh and you desperately want to get them back.
I miss you so much. Please come back. I will do anything you ask.
2. If you are texting them just so you can get them to talk to you again.
I miss you so much. Please pick up the call. It’s the last time I will ever call.
3. If your ex is dating someone else
I miss you. I know you said that you have moved on but I can’t believe you are dating someone else again. Please tell me it’s not true. Please come back.
4. If you are dating someone else.
Hey, I know it’s been a while since we talked. I kind of miss all the fun times we had. Wanna meet up for drinks?
Aren’t you dating Jessica?
Yeah, but I kind of sensed you still got feelings for me when we ran into each other at the coffee shop. So Arby’s at 8?
It’s okay to miss your ex. It’s okay if you are still hurting from the breakup. It’s okay if you feel your ex has moved on faster than you. And it’s okay if you still want your ex back. It’s important to remember that everyone heals at their own pace. And if you want your ex back, it’s important to remember that you should only get back with them if you can have a healthy and long lasting relationship with them (Note how this website is called Ex Back Permanently? You should only get your ex back if you can keep them permanently.)
PS: Take this quiz to figure out your chances of getting back together. [Pretty Darn Accurate]