One of my client described her experience with the question “Does My Ex Miss Me” in an interesting way.
“When we were together, my ex couldn’t live without texting me for more than 3 hours. If he didn’t hear from me till lunch, he would text me and say I miss you. He would say he wants to see me and ask me to send a snap; and I would happily oblige. And now, it’s been weeks. Does he miss me? How can he not miss me? How can he be so rude to me now? Has he replaced me with someone else?”
The question, “Does My Ex Miss Me?” actually comes from a deeper, more raw emotion after a breakup. An emotion that says,
“How can my ex not miss me?”
“Did I mean nothing to them?”
And while that emotion is completely understandable after a breakup, it’s often misguided. Because, in most cases, your ex is also going through a lot of questions and emotions of their own. They are also navigating the post breakup storm and trying to survive it. The same way you are.
Instead of looking for signs of an ex missing you, take this quiz to find out your chances of getting them back. We’ve used more than 13 years of experience to create this quiz and it gives very accurate results.
In this article, we are going to explore the answer to this question. And we are going to help you understand what your ex is going through, what to expect, what signs to look out for and what to do.
Does My Ex Miss Me? – The Simple Truth
Yes, your ex most probably misses you. But the breakup significantly changed the dynamics of the relationship you both had. And the way they miss you now is different from the way they missed you when you were still together. As a result, the way they react to missing you is also different.
Your ex misses you because they were used to being with you. Everything around them will probably remind them of you. The more they were in love with you, the more they are likely to miss you. They miss you for the same reasons you miss them. Because they are human and human beings are programmed to miss each other after a relationship ends.
But the way they process missing you is different because they don’t want to get back with you.
More importantly, dwelling on this question doesn’t really help you much. Even if your ex misses you, it doesn’t change the fact the breakup happened. It also doesn’t change the reasons you both broke up. Missing your ex is normal and very common after a breakup, but it doesn’t usually lead to anything more.
The simple truth is, everyone misses their ex at some point after the breakup, but not everyone gets back with their ex.
What Happens When an Ex Misses You? Why Does an Ex Miss You But Doesn’t Come Back?
When you and your ex were still together, missing you came with the feeling that they will see you again. Because even when you were not spending time together, both of you knew that you will eventually see each other.
But after a breakup, things change significantly. For starters, if your ex was the one who broke up with you, they would want their best to stick to that decision of breaking up with you. And when they miss you, that’s a feeling they may want to suppress, ignore, deny or escape.
They do it because missing you often leads to the thought of getting back together, a thought that they don’t want to entertain. A thought that puts them in a state of ambivalence.
This can be especially true if the breakup was a hard decision for your ex to make.
So here’s what usually happens when your ex, who doesn’t want to get back together, misses you:
- They will quickly try to remind themselves of the reasons they broke up with you so they don’t start second guessing their decision.
- They will put up a defensive wall around the idea of getting back together and try to avoid that thought.
- They will try to distract themselves in an attempt to avoid the feeling of missing you.
- They will try to convince themselves that nothing will change if they get back with you.
- If they feel guilty about the way breakup happened, or about how much hurt you are, they will try to rationalize it by thinking it was the right thing to do, and that you will both be better off without each other.
- They may look you up on your socials to see if you’ve posted something.
- They may contact you to talk, they may text you, but they will be very hesitant to meet in person.
- If you contact them, they may be very cold or rude because they don’t want to give you any false hope and stick to their decision of breaking up.
Essentially, the way your ex reacts to missing you is to preserve their decision of breaking up with you.
Reader Experience: Angela’s Ex Was Rude To Him, But He Eventually Agreed to Missing Her
Source: Reader Emails
This was the third time I called him that day. The previous two times, he said he was busy, and he didn’t have time to talk. I believed him. But I just needed to hear his voice. I had this intense desire to talk to him. It felt like my whole body wanted to be near him. I missed him so much. So, I rang him up. Two painstakingly long hours since the last time I called him.
When my ex picked up, he sounded pissed. I asked him, “How are you?”.
“I am okay”, he said, in a cold voice.
“Do you have time to talk?”
“I told you I am busy.”
“When will you have time to talk?”
“NEVER ANGELA”; he raised his voice.
“Don’t you get it? I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t have time to talk to you.”
I could hear his friends in the background. One of them was a girl. I could hear her gasp at how rude my ex was to me.
It felt devastating. How could my ex treat me this way? Doesn’t he feel guilty for talking to me like that? Does he not miss me like I miss him?
I cried that night. I don’t think I slept at all. I don’t think I ate at all. I am not even sure if I drank any water.
The next day, I decided not to call him. I was so mad at him. I was sure he was going to call me back apologizing for the way he treated me. He always apologized when he did something wrong. It would take him a few hours. But he would always come back and apologize.
I knew for sure he would. I should not call him anymore. I won’t. I’ve got to keep my pride. I have to respect myself after the way he treated me last night.
I decided to spend the day with my friends. I kept myself busy. By the time I came back, it was already 8PM. I checked my phone. Still nothing from him.
Does he not miss me? Doesn’t he feel guilty?
I started thinking about him again. I started playing all the scenarios that could have led him to acting the way he did yesterday. I started thinking of reasons why he hasn’t called and apologized.
A lot of those fictitious scenarios made sense. A lot of them didn’t. In the end, I decided to text him.
“Hey, are you okay? I am sorry if I am being annoying.”
The message was read. It was kept on read. I waited half an hour. I looked at the “read” with my eyes welling up. I kept waiting for him to start typing something. But nothing. Tears start rolling down my cheeks.
And then I get angry at myself. What happened to respecting myself? What happened to my pride? Why did I message him again?
I didn’t hear from him that day. Nor the day after. I gave up hope. As weeks passed by, I tried to convince myself that our relationship meant nothing to him. But how could it not? His love for me was real. I could feel it. I felt it for the two years we were together.
Things didn’t make sense. And eventually, I had to come to terms with that. That it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense the way my ex treated me.
I still hoped and wished he would miss me. That he would reach out to at least ask how I am doing. But I couldn’t just sit and wait. I decided to do something.
I started doing things for myself. Things I always wanted to do but always thought were selfish or awkward. I went to see movies all by myself. I took a vacation all by myself. I went dancing. I listened to music on high volume and danced in the apartment.
I started spending more and more time doing things I enjoyed and caring less and less about the society. I didn’t care about finding the right guy for me. I didn’t want to date anyone. I just wanted to date myself.
It felt freeing. After so long, I was finally living for myself. I wasn’t worried about anything. And then, I got a text from my ex.
He saw my story of me on vacation. And he asked how was it?
I felt the anxiety again. The memories of the breakup and the pain came rushing back. Is he going to hurt me again?
No, I won’t let him. Not this time. But I am not going to ghost him the way he did me. I am better than that.
I texted him back. He was warm. He was enthusiastic in his replies. Something that I would have killed for back when I was crying for him. But now, it just felt….nice. It felt nice to talk to know he cares.
The next day, he called me. We spoke for half an hour. We caught up on what we were both up to. And by the end of the call, he said he never stopped missing me. That he never stopped loving me. I asked him why he was so rude to me. He said he was trying to protect me. He wanted me to move on from him. And that maybe if I hated him, it would be easier for me to move on.
Funny thing is, I never hated him. I still cared for him even when I was angry at him. But going through that pain made me a stronger person. When I started living life for myself, I realized how much trapped I felt in the relationship. I didn’t want to go back to feeling trapped again. There was something wrong with us as a couple.
Even though I cared for him, I told him that I don’t love him anymore. That I want to move on. He cried. He begged for me to give him a chance.
I wanted to. God, I really wanted to give him another chance. To prove to me that he can keep me happy. But I just didn’t want to date anyone. I just wanted to be with myself. And I knew if I let him into my life, I would end up back with him.
I had to tell him no a couple of more times in the span of the next two weeks. But he eventually accepted it.
Since then, we have reconnected a few times and spoke on the phone. It feels nice every time I hear from him. He is someone I would call a friend and I know I can rely on him in times of need. But we are both happy with where we are.
Moral of the story: Even if it feels like your ex hates you and finds you annoying, they probably still have feelings for you and miss you. Instead of pestering them and hoping they will reach out, focus on self-care. Things will eventually turn out okay.
When Does an Ex Start Missing You Enough To Do Something About It?
Another question that plagues a lot of people is “When will my ex start missing me?”.
And again, what they are really asking is “When will my ex start missing me enough to come back?”
What they want to know is if their ex will miss being in a relationship with them and ask them to get back together.
In other words, they want to know when can they expect this breakup, this torture, to end.
Because they want to believe that this breakup is temporary, and that their ex will eventually come back to them.
Because they want to believe that their love is eternal, that their ex also feels the same way about them, and that their ex would never let such a once in a lifetime relationship end.
If that’s you, then I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
But your ex probably won’t come back.
Your relationship probably was not as special as you thought it was.
And your relationship is probably already over.
Your ex may miss you, but that doesn’t mean they will come back. That doesn’t mean that this breakup is temporary. That doesn’t mean your ex will want you back.
We often try to deny the breakup because the reality of it can be so painful. We want to believe that this is all temporary because the hope of an ex returning can be the only comfort in this trying time.
I get it. It’s hard to accept the breakup. And I am not asking you to give up on all hope.
Instead, I am trying to tell you to shift your mindset from just hoping that your ex will miss you enough to come back, to actually doing something about it.
Instead of looking for signs of an ex missing you, take this quiz to find out your chances of getting them back. We’ve used more than 13 years of experience to create this quiz and it gives very accurate results.
I am going to get into that in a bit. But before that, let me just address the question
How long does it take for an ex to miss you?
There is a dodgy website that puts out the time frame of 2.5 to 5.2 months for an ex to start missing you. But they share no data to back their claim and just try to confuse the readers after making the claim. I don’t suggest you trust the content on that website.
In my experience, an ex can start showing signs of missing you after a week or two of the breakup. For example, they may start calling you, texting you or liking your posts on your socials. But it doesn’t usually lead to your ex coming back. In fact, if you try to talk to them about getting back together within a week or two of the breakup, they will most likely become cold again. There are, of course, exceptions to this.
To give you some more reliable data, we conducted a study of couples reuniting and we found that it takes a minimum of 1 month for exes to miss each other enough to get back together.
We also found that as time since breakup passes the 6 months mark, the chances of reuniting with an ex decreases. We assumed that’s because people usually start moving on by then and stop missing their ex so much.
Keeping this data in mind, expect your ex to miss you the most within 1-6 months of the breakup. To give you some more context, this data only included couples who got back together and stayed together for more than a year after reconciliation.
You can read the study over here. It has been referenced by many reputable publications for breakup and reconciliation data because it’s legit.
Shift Your Mindset From Just Hoping Your Ex Will Miss You Enough To Come Back
Imagine you’ve tried everything to try to convince your ex to get back together. Imagine you’ve begged, cried, and have done everything you can think of. Imagine you’ve given them a list of very reasonable explanation for what went wrong and why you should get back together.
But it was all in vain. They were adamant on staying broken up. They won’t move on their position.
If you are like most of my readers and clients, you don’t have to imagine that. You probably experienced it first hand. You tried everything you could think of.
And yet your ex wants to stay broken up.
When you’ve done everything in your power to get what you want, you kind of feel helpless. You feel like you have no control over your life. Especially when you want to get back desperately after a bad breakup.
And at times like this, you turn to hope. Hope that your ex will miss you enough to come back. Hope that things will just work out on their own.
Some may call that false hope. Others a fools dream.
Psychologists and scientists call it denial.
But if the breakup is so painful, if the thought of your ex moving on from you feels like a gut punch, then this hope can make you feel like in control. It calms you down.
But there is a better way to feel more in control of this situation. There is a better way to increase your chances of getting them back without just hoping they will come back.
It doesn’t involve over-analyzing everything your ex does. It doesn’t involve just sitting and hoping your ex will forget everything that happened, miss you and come back.
It involves actively taking control of your life, of your healing journey and making an attempt to get them back (if that’s what you want).
You don’t have to give up hope of getting back with them. But you need to stop hoping that it will happen on it’s own.
The idea is to stop focusing on what your ex is thinking, what your ex is doing, what their attachment style is, and who they are talking with. The idea is to stop imagining different scenarios where they will come back.
Instead, focus all that energy on yourself. On your growth, on coping from the breakup, on healing from this breakup, on becoming the best version of yourself.
And when enough time has passed, and if you feel you still want your ex back, if you still feel that you and your ex can have a great relationship; reach out to them, in an honest and confident way.
And if you feel like your ex is not worth the time and effort, move on to find better, healthier relationships.
A good way to think about this is to shift your focus from getting your ex back to getting your ex back in a healthy long-lasting relationship. And if that’s not possible with your ex, you move on from them.
We have some amazing resources on this topic. Check them out below.
Recommended – Find Out Chances of Getting Your Ex Back with This Quiz [Highly Accurate]
Signs Your Ex Misses You and Still Thinks About You
In most cases, people tend to look at signs from an ex even if they are focused on their own self-growth, self-improvement and self-care. These signs can give you some motivation when you are feeling hopeless and can also reinforce that you are on the right path.
However, be wary that they are not 100% reliable. And while it’s okay to use them for motivation, it’s not okay to over-analyze or obsess over them. If you find yourself overthinking about these signs and stalking your ex to find these signs, you are just making it harder on yourself to heal from the breakup.
That being said, here are the signs that mean your ex misses you.
1. Your Ex Contacts You When They Don’t Have To
The most obvious sign that your ex misses you is if they reach out to you unexpectedly or occasionally even if they don’t have to.
Examples of your ex contacting you that mean they miss you-
- They text you randomly asking how you are.
- They call you when they are drunk.
- They keep texting you even if you don’t initiate texting.
- They use an excuse to call or text you (such as asking about a pet, a family member.)
An important thing to note about this sign is that your ex isn’t contacting you because they have changed their mind about the breakup. They miss you, but they still want to stick to their decision. In a way, they just want to get a little dose of you. They just want to hear your voice, or know what you are doing. They want to see if you still care about them or if you still love them.
They do so because it makes them feel a little bit better when they are feeling down and missing you.
A good way to differentiate this from a sign that your ex wants you back is to see if they are willing to meet you in person. If they just want to stick to texts/phone calls and don’t want to meet up, then it’s a sign your ex misses you but they aren’t really interested in getting back together
2. They View Your Social Media Stories Regularly and Immediately
This sign is again, quite obvious. If your ex is reading your posts or stories on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, snap-chat etc, then there is a good chance they miss you.
This is not a very strong sign as they may actually just be very active on social media and check everyone’s story. However, if they see all your stories almost immediately after you post them, then it’s a pretty good sign that they miss you.
Note that if your ex is just viewing your story, but not liking or commenting on them; then it’s a sign that they miss you but they don’t want to interact with you. They like knowing what you are doing and what you are up to, but they are just not ready to talk to you or text you just yet.
3. They Like or Comment On Your Social Media Posts
Another important sign of your ex missing you is if they not only view your stories/posts on Insta, they also comment or like them.
This sign is different, from your ex viewing your story, as this may be an invitation from your ex to chat on DMs. If they suddenly comment on your post or stories after a few weeks or months of no contact, they may be missing you and wanting to catch up.
However, before you start speaking to them, make sure that you have healed and are fairly sure you want to pursue a relationship with them.
In addition, it’s important to be clear about what you want and if you still have strong feelings for your ex, don’t let them string you along. Be honest about your feelings and be prepared to walk away if you feel they are just wasting your time.
4. They keep in touch with your family or friends (and ask them about you)
If your ex keeps in touch with your friends or family and asks them about you, then it’s a sign that your ex still thinks about you and probably misses you.
Sometimes, your ex may just speak to a friend or family after a few weeks or months of the breakup and ask about you. While this is a good sign that they still care about you and want to know how you are doing, it doesn’t necessarily mean they miss you enough to get back together.
The important thing to note in this sign is to understand what they are asking and why they are asking it. Sometimes, an ex feels guilty about the way the relationship ended and they may just want to know that you are doing alright and that you have accepted the breakup.
Sometimes, an ex wants to get back in touch with you but they are unsure if you have moved on or if you are dating someone else. They want to know if it’s appropriate to reach out to you and they ask your friends whether or not you are dating someone else.
5. They Try To String You Along Without Promising Anything
This sign is probably the most frustrating to deal with. Your ex will do or say things that will make you feel like they still miss you, that they still love you and that they want you back. But they don’t really promise anything and are very hesitant to meet and discuss the possibility of getting back together.
These signs include things like,
- Texting you often but not ready to talk on the phone.
- Talking on the phone but not being ready to meet up.
- Talking about dating other people with you.
- Shutting you down or changing the topic whenever you talk about getting back together.
- Asking you for help when they need it but ignoring you when you need something.
Some people also refer to this as being friendzoned by your ex.
Note that this is a sign that your ex misses you and probably wants you in their life, but they are also selfish and don’t want an equal relationship. In essence, this means that they only care about what they want and what makes them feel good, but don’t care about what you want and if their actions are hurting you.
If you feel this is the case, it’s important that you set clear boundaries with your ex and don’t be afraid of losing them. Make your own well-being your priority. And if your ex doesn’t respect them, be ready to cut them off and walk away.
6. They Get Into Another Relationship Too Fast
If your ex misses you a lot and living without you is painful for them, they may jump into another relationship way too soon after the breakup.
Such relationships are usually known as a rebound relationship and they are known to be short lived.
The reason this happens is because your ex feels a gaping hole in their life after the breakup. It’s uncomfortable and even painful to live alone for them. Especially when everything reminds them of you and the relationship you had. By getting into a new relationship, they hope to distract themselves from the pain and partially replace the previous relationship (which meant a lot to them) with something new (even if it is shallow).
However, such relationships are usually short lived. And while they can help your ex start feeling better initially, they often realize that the rebound relationship doesn’t hold a candle to the original relationship. They realize that their new girlfriend or boyfriend could not replace the feelings they had for you and they breakup.
Rebound relationships do help in healing from the breakup but their effectiveness is questionable. In my experience, a lot of people start missing their exes once the honeymoon stage of the rebound relationship wears off and they start noticing the flaws in their rebound partner.
7. Your Ex’s reaction when you reach out to them.
The biggest sign that your ex misses you is if your ex is excited or happy to hear from you when you reach out to them.
But wouldn’t reaching out to my ex break no contact? Wouldn’t it make me look needy or desperate?
At Ex Back Permanently, we recommend a direct and honest approach to try to get your ex back if you miss them, want them back and are sure that the relationship with your ex has potential.
The approach consists of doing no contact for a while and reaching out to your ex whenever you are ready.
It comes as no surprise that when our clients reach out to their ex after a period of no contact, after they’ve done significant self-improvement and with a well crafted message, they hear back from their ex excited and sometimes even claiming that their ex missed them.
Here are a few of the messages our clients received back from their ex after they reached out to them..
“I am so happy to hear from you again and I am so proud of all the progress you’ve made. I’ve missed you too and I would love to catch up.”
“Haha. Thank you. Yes, let’s get on a call today evening.”
“It took me a while to write this reply because there was so much in your email to process. I kept nodding along when I read your email and even cried a little. I’ve missed you too and think about you often. I would love to chat.”
So, when you get a reply like this from your ex, it’s an obvious sign that they miss you too and probably have strong feelings for you.
I would go on to say that this is the most important sign of your ex missing you to look out for if you are trying to win your ex back.
After all, if you are trying to start something new with your ex and get back in a healthy relationship, then it’s very important how you both heal from the breakup, grow as a person, and then reconnect. And a positive response from an ex (such as the one above) shows that you are on the right path.
To understand the process of texting your ex after a period of self-improvement, read these articles.
What To Do If Your Ex Shows You Signs That They Miss You?
If your ex shows signs that they miss you, don’t jump to the conclusion that they want you back or that they still love you.
Yes, your ex may be showing you these signs because they want to interact with you. Maybe they miss speaking to you, maybe they want to see what you look like, or maybe they want to hear your voice. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will get back together if you confess your love to them.
When your ex shows you these signs, the first thing you need to do is protect yourself. Take a deep breath and try to think what’s best for you. Answering the following questions can help:
- Are you ready to interact with them at this point?
- What if they are just stringing you along because they are bored?
- Are you sure that trying to get them back is the right decision for you at this moment?
- Have you taken the time after the breakup to rediscover yourself and heal?
- Are you still needy or desperate to win your ex back?
- Even if you get back together, would it be a healthy relationship?
It’s never a good idea to interact with your ex if you desperately want them back. If you feel this way, you should avoid contact with your ex even if they are showing clear signs of missing you. The following resources should help you make a better decision if you find your ex is missing you.
Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Miss You
Like I explained in the starting of this article, your ex may just miss you and put up a defensive wall in their mind to preserve their decision of breaking up. And if they are doing that, it will be impossible to know for sure if they truly don’t miss you or if they are just pretending to be over you.
However, some signs can give you a hint that your ex doesn’t want you to know whether or not they miss you. And if you see these signs, it’s best to assume they don’t miss you and consider giving up hope and move on, at least for now.
1. They Tell You To Stop Contact And Stick To Their Words: Your ex is serious about moving on if they implement strict no contact and don’t communicate with you in any way. They may even block you on social media. And if you text them, the don’t reply and maybe even block you there.
A lot of exes usually tell you to stop contact if they plan to do this. And when you don’t respect their wishes, they take extreme measures to stick to their plan of eliminating all contact with you.
While they may, at a later date, choose to start speaking to you again, it’s still best to assume that this is a sign that they don’t miss you and they won’t come back.
2. They Are Cold or Unresponsive When You Talk to Them: If you reach out to your ex and they are cold and distant, then that’s a clear sign they are not interested in speaking to you or giving you any sign that they miss you or they still have feelings for you.
Their cold and unfriendly behavior is their way of telling you that it’s over and you should accept it. Maybe they don’t want to be extremely rude and tell you to stop contacting them. But they hope that you get the message when they are cold.
3. They have surrounded themselves with friends or family: If your ex spends most of their time with their friends and family, then it’s a sign that they don’t want to miss you and are making every effort to keep them busy. When you surround yourself with friends and family, you surround yourself with people you love, you are telling your brain that it’s okay the breakup happened, that you still have people who love you, and you don’t need to miss your ex partner.
Take a lesson from them, and start spending time with your friends and family too.
4. They keep themselves busy: Some people tend to jump headfirst into their career or hobby after a bad breakup. Keeping yourself busy is a good way to prevent yourself from missing your ex. But when an ex does that, it doesn’t give them time to process what happened and they may never fully get over you.
5. They set clear boundaries if you reach out after no contact: If you have given them enough space and time (more than three weeks). And if you reach out to them (via text or email) about wanting to reconnect, but they reply by setting clear boundaries that they don’t want to interact with you or be friends with you; then it’s a clear sign that they don’t miss you and don’t want you in their life.
Types of Breakups and Situations That Make it Less Likely For an Ex To Miss You
There are certain types of breakups or situations where an ex is less likely to miss you. These include:
- Your ex may just be a narcissist and they may have just been using you all this time only to discard you when they are done with you.
- Your ex may have never fully developed an emotional connection with you (despite your best efforts) because they have an avoidant attachment style.
- Your relationship with your ex may have been very short and not enough to form an emotional bond.
- The relationship was toxic or abusive and your ex is relieved that it’s over.
- You may have cheated and your ex may have shut down any feelings for you after the betrayal of trust.
- Your ex may just be a very vindictive or a very mean person and they may go out of their way to not show you any signs that they miss you or that you were very important to them.
- Your ex may have loved and valued you at one point of time. But they got over it, moved on don’t think about or miss you anymore.
- Your ex may miss you just because they are lonely and they miss being in a relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean they value you as a person or that they love you.
While the thought of your ex not missing you may be painful, it won’t stay that way forever. You are going to eventually accept this and move on. You will eventually find happiness and rediscover who you are. This is especially true if you lost yourself during the relationship
What To Do If Your Ex Doesn’t Miss You and Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With You?
If your ex doesn’t show any signs of missing you and you feel there is no hope in getting them back; the best thing to do is to remind yourself that you are going to heal. That even though it’s painful, even though it feels like a punch in the gut, that you are still going to be okay. It may take time. It may take months. Maybe even a year or more. But you are going to get through this. And you are going to come out of this breakup stronger and wiser than before.
Here are the things you should focus on:
1. Remind yourself that the breakup wasn’t just your fault: It’s easy to blame yourself for the breakup when your ex doesn’t want to speak to you. But the reality is, the breakup happened because both of you were not compatible with each other. Your ex, in most cases, is equally responsible for the breakup.
2. Remind Yourself that your ex doesn’t define your self-worth:
Sometimes, we define our value by what other people think about us. And it goes without saying that we care about what our exes think about us. After all, they knew us intimately. And if they still miss us, then that shows that we have value.
A research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that analyzed 52 studies involving 47000 participants found that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem in people over time across ages 4 to 76. The authors also found a significant effect in the reverse direction.
In other words, a lot of people associate their self esteem and self-worth with their social relationships. And in particular, to their romantic relationships. When the relationship ends, you may start looking at signs of your ex missing you, or try to figure out what your ex thinks about you to define your worth or self-esteem.
So, if you are hoping that your ex missing you will make you feel better, or that it will help you feel more confident about yourself, then take a step back and think again.
Jennifer Crocker, PhD, a professor and Ohio Eminent Scholar in Social Psychology at Ohio State University conducted a study on 600 college students and found that people who based their self-esteem on external sources tend to have some negative mental health consequences.
For example, if you base your self-esteem on what your ex thinks about you, then you are going to feel extremely bad when your ex says or does something that shows they don’t care about you.
Instead of waiting for your ex to give you value, start valuing yourself. According to Crocker, it’s better to base your self-esteem on internal values. Values such as being virtuous or having a high moral standard.
3. Focus on self-love, self-care and self-improvement: Self-love. self-care and self-improvement are the best things you can do for yourself right now.
It involves being kind to yourself. Using positive affirmations to remind yourself that you are love worthy. It involves taking care of your body and your mind. It involves eating healthy, sleeping soundly, meditating and exercising. It involves understanding and accepting yourself. And it involves becoming a better version of yourself.
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4. Be kind to yourself, remind yourself it will take time and give yourself a breakup: It takes time to heal from a breakup. After all, the relationship was important to you and if something so important ends, your mind and body will take a while to adjust to it.
So it’s important to remind yourself that it will take some time before you start to feel better. It’s important to be patient with yourself. If you feel you are not making any progress, remind yourself that it will take time.
One of my client, Jake, felt like he was making no progress even though it has been more than two months since the breakup. He was doing everything right. He was forcing himself to go to the gym every day. He was spending time with his friends and family. He was focusing on his career. But he would still miss his ex terribly every day. He cried almost every day. He felt hopeless and helpless. Until one day, he told me that he felt a little better. He said he hadn’t cried in over a week. And that while it still hurts, he was feeling so much better than before.
It took him more than three months to see a little progress. But once he started seeing progress, it had a snowball effect. Within the next two months, he felt like himself again and was ready to start dating.
5. Seek professional help: If things feel too overwhelming, it can be a good idea to seek professional help from a mental healthcare professional or a breakup coach.
How to make your ex miss you?
The best way to make your ex miss you is to remove yourself from their life. If you keep texting them, calling them, or stalking them on social media; your ex will never get the chance to miss you. You only miss someone when they are not in your life.
Do not try to manipulate your ex into missing you because that might backfire. Moreover, manipulation will not help you get your ex back in a healthy and long lasting relationship.
Instead of trying to make your ex miss you, try to make yourself accept the breakup and heal from it. Eventually your ex will miss you and they may even reach out to you.
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If my ex misses me, does it also mean they love me?
No, your ex may miss you or think about you occasionally even after years of the breakup. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they still love you. It could mean that your ex simply misses the good thing in the relationship or that they are lonely.
I Miss My Ex Badly, What Should I Do?
If you are missing your ex boyfriend or your ex girlfriend after a breakup, it’s because you are a human being. Human beings have a tendency to miss their loved ones when they are away from them. It helps to understand why you miss your ex and what you can do to stop missing your ex or at least reduce the intensity of missing your ex.