Most guys who try to make their ex girlfriends miss them, usually end up looking like a fool.
The reason is simple, their ex-girlfriend sees right through their manipulation or lie they were using to get her to miss them.
And sometimes, your ex girlfriend will one up you with the manipulation and lies. She will put you through a shit test and if you fail that test, you will end up looking like a fool. A damn fool who ends up calling her, begging her to take you back.
In this article, I am going to teach you how to make your ex girlfriend miss you the right way. And I will teach you how to pass any shit tests and avoid looking like a fool if she tries to one up you.
The Big Picture
Now I assume you want your ex girlfriend to miss you because you want to eventually get her back.
After all, if that’s not what you want; then you are just wasting your precious mental energy on making someone miss you who you don’t even want in your life.
If your ultimate objective is to get her back, then I want you to read this article.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back – 5 Stages (It’s FREE)
It might be the best article on the internet about this. Here’s what one of my readers emailed me about that article.
Is it important to Make Your Ex Girlfriend Miss You During No Contact?
If you read the article above, you’d know that making your ex girlfriend miss you during no contact is only optional. That means, you don’t need to make her miss you to get her back.
The truth is, just because your ex girlfriend misses you, it does not mean she will want to get back with you in the future. It’s normal for a girl to miss you if she was with you for a considerable period of time (more than 3 months) and if she was attached to you during the relationship.
But just because she misses you does not mean she wants you back. It does not mean she will forget the reasons you both broke up.
And just because she misses you does not mean she thinks that you both have a future as a couple or that things will change if you get back together.
Getting her to miss you is just a small part of a bigger picture if you want to get her back and keep her.
And if you don’t understand that picture, if you don’t have a game plan; you are just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Because even if you are successful in getting her to miss you, you may still end up losing her forever if you don’t play your cards right.
Again, read this article to understand the bigger picture and learn how to get her back and keep her.
On the flipside, she might not miss you during no contact and you may still be able get her back if you make the right moves and follow the game plan in the above article.
What about making her miss you after no contact?
Getting her to miss you after you have finished no contact is important. Once you reach Stage 3 and Stage 4 in getting her back, you want her to miss you when she is not speaking to you.
If you follow everything in that darn article I keep talking about, you will automatically make her miss you. But, in this article we will discuss a couple more strategies to get her to miss you after no contact.
But before we do that, let’s speak a little bit about what actually happens inside us when we miss something or someone. It’s important to understand this emotion if you want to make your ex miss you.
How do we miss someone or something?
Ever thought about how you suddenly start missing something? It’s not like you choose consciously to want to miss something.
Do you ever go about thinking, I want to miss the pie my mother used to bake every Sunday?
No one ever makes a conscious choice to evoke the feeling of missing.
To evoke this feeling of missing, you need two things
- A stimulus – Something that triggers a thought in your mind which is related to the thing or the person you miss.
- Absence – You need absence of the thing or person that you miss from your life.
Let’s go back to that pie example. What causes you to miss your mother’s pie?
- Stimulus: You smelled a delicious pie as you were walking past a bakery. The smell, acted as a stimulus. It reminded you of all the delicious pies your mother used to bake for you.
- Absence: The fact that you haven’t visited your mother in over six months and have not tasted that delicious apple pie since your last visit. Add the fact that you skipped breakfast because you were late for office in the morning. And now you have a strong absence of the thing you miss.
Now, here’s the tricky part. To evoke the emotion of missing, you need both stimulus and absence. It’s not possible to miss someone by just their absence or by just a stimulus.
But, the amount of stimulus you need is inversely promotional to the amount of absence you need. And vice versa.
Let me explain.
If the absence of the thing or the person is pretty big at the time, then you may not need a very direct stimulus to evoke the emotion of missing.
From here on, we will speak the quantity of absence and stimulus in terms of percentage. We will assume that you need a total of 100% for the emotion of missing to arise. Note that these percentages are only approximate in each case and I am using numbers only to illustrate my point.
Let’s go back to that pie example.
- Absence: You didn’t have breakfast. You are late for lunch. And you have not had your mother’s delicious food for over a year. (around 70% absence)
- Stimulus: You walk by a group of kids playing Baseball in the park. It reminds you of how you used to play Baseball with your buddies back in high school. Then it reminds you how you used to go back home and have the apple pie your mother made for all your friends. Before you know it, you start missing the pie. (around 30% stimulus)
In the above scenario, the stimulus is not directly related to pies. But you have a strong absence of something you cherish. It’s amplified by the fact that you are hungry. So, your mind finds a way to connect something not even related to pies, with pies.
The inverse can be true as well.
- Absence: Suppose you’ve had a decent lunch, and a great dessert. You just returned from visiting your mother a month ago and ate a bunch of pies while you were there. (30% absence)
- Stimulus: But literally everything around you keep screaming of pies. Your girlfriend talks about the great raspberries pie at the new coffee shop. Your buddies call you up and start talking about the good old times when you used to play and eat pies. You even see a commercial of pie on the TV. (70% stimulus)
At this time, even though there’s not a strong absence of the thing in your life, the extreme stimulus will probably cause you to miss the pie.
How To make your ex girlfriend miss you?
Now that we have understood the importance of getting her to miss you (not really important during no contact, extremely important after no contact) and the basics of missing (stimulus and absence); we will go into some tactics on how to use it with your ex girlfriend and how to avoid letting it blow up on your face.
Tactic No. 1: Do No Contact
One of the most obvious way to get your ex girlfriend to miss you is to do no contact. I am sure you have come across that term hundreds of times as you searched about breakups online.
Doing no contact means you stop contacting your ex girlfriend. It’s very important that you do this if you want to win her back. I go into detail about how no contact affects you and your ex girlfriend in Stage 1 of this article.
Here, I will explain why doing no contact is one of the most effective strategy to make your ex girlfriend miss you.
How No Contact Makes Your Ex Girlfriend Miss You?
You and your ex probably spoke to each other almost every day while you were together. I am going to assume that you were together for quite a while. Let’s say you were together for a year, or even more.
Your ex girlfriend is used to speaking to you about her day, about her feelings, about her likes, dislikes and everything in between for almost a year.
After the breakup, she still has the desire to speak to you about those things. But she will probably stop herself from doing so because she has decided to breakup with you and move on.
However, you (going through grief and in denial) decide to keep contacting her everyday through every means possible. You text her, call her, message her on Facebook.
A lot of guys do this in an attempt to remind her of the good times. They do it to try to create a stimulus in her mind, so she remembers the good times and misses them.
But they forget that it’s impossible for the “missing” emotion to arise unless there is both a stimulus and an absence.
When you keep contacting her, you are indirectly telling her
“Hey, even though you have broken up with me, I still love you and I am still waiting for you. And you don’t have to worry about a thing because I will always love you and keep waiting for you.”
By contacting her, you are conveying the above message to her sub conscious mind. In essence, you are telling her that you are still present in her life and you will always be present in her life.
And if you are present in her life, you ARE NOT ABSENT.
So, she will not miss you, no matter how much stimulus you try to provide.
By doing no contact, you reverse the equation altogether.
When you stop contacting her, you suddenly become absent in her life. If she doesn’t hear from you for a week, she will start feeling a strong absence of you in her life.
And here’s the awesome part, since you both just broke up, the amount of absence she will feel for you is going to be through the roof. I’d say the absence she will feel will be about a 90%.
When she is going through grief, everything will act as a stimulus to remind her of you.
- The sofa you used to sit on and cuddle and binge watch Netflix on.
- The computer on which you installed windows for her.
- The New iPhone Game you taught her how to play.
- The coffee shop where you first met.
- The lingerie she wore when you first had sex.
Everything will remind her of you. This is the power of no contact.
But remember, just because she misses you, does not automatically make her want you back. If she decided to breakup with you, she will want to stick to it.
How to Avoid Looking Like a Fool When Using No Contact
Doing no contact can backfire on you if you are not doing it for the right reasons with the right mindset. Again, I want you to read this article on getting your ex girlfriend back to have a bigger picture in mind.
You are doing no contact to focus on yourself and become a better version of yourself. Your ex girlfriend missing you is a great side effect, but it’s not something you should rely on.
Sometimes, your ex girlfriend will test you when you start doing no contact. If you are doing no contact for the wrong reasons (to get her to miss you, to make her feel miserable, or to get her to contact you first); you will end up looking like a fool.
Here’s an example shit test that some ex girlfriends do when their ex boyfriends start no contact.
Example Shit Test 1
She will call you and say something that will give you hope. She may say something like
“I was thinking about you.”
“I wanted to speak to you.”
“I wanted you to know something”
And sometimes, she will even tell you straight away that she still loves you and has feelings for you.
Some guys take this bait and end up declaring their undying love for their ex girlfriend.
“I love you too. I can’t live without you. Let’s get back together tonight.”
Only to get stabbed in the back by their ex girlfriends.
“I have feelings for you, but it doesn’t mean we should get back together. It’s over and I want you to accept it. Honestly, I want you to stop having hope that we can ever get back together in the future.”
Trust me, it breaks my heart every time I hear some poor guy go through this shit that their ex girlfriends put them through.
But this is life. And you gotta learn to live with it. And you gotta learn to win in it.
So, what do you do in this shit test?
If you are doing no contact for the right reasons, you will probably know how to deal with this situation yourself. Here’s a reply, that shows honesty, vulnerability and confidence in yourself.
“I have feelings for you too, but I don’t think we should speak with each other for now. I need some time to deal with the breakup and do some soul searching. I hope you understand.”
That’s it. Stop contacting her after that and stop replying to her if she contacts you first. I can guarantee she will respect you more for it and will start missing you like crazy.
Tactic No. 2: During No Contact
When you are doing no contact, you can do a few things to get your ex girlfriend to miss you. Like I mentioned before, trying to get your ex to miss you during no contact is only optional. You don’t need to do this to get her back permanently.
Just doing no contact should be enough to get her to miss you. After all, it increases your absence to about 90% and even a little bit of stimulus will make her start missing you.
Everything you do during no contact should be aimed at increasing your absence in her life. That means you shouldn’t be trying to create any stimulus by reminding her of good times during no contact.
The reason is simple, as long as the amount of absence is pretty high, everything will act as a stimulus.
As you both move forward with your life, your ex girlfriend will slowly start getting used to the idea of not having you in her life. The amount of absence she feels in your life will start going down.
In my experience, it takes about 14-21 days for this to happen. So let’s assume that your absence level in her life is about 70% after 21 days from the time you start no contact. Here are a few tactics you can use after 21 days to get her to miss you.
Social Media is a double edged sword. Using it to make your ex miss you can be a disaster if you are not ready for it. So if at any point you feel like the following tactics are backfiring, stop immediately and go full no contact.
As I said above, your aim is to create more absence in her life instead of doing things to remind her of the good times.
At this time, you can use a few tactics to increase the amount of absence she feels for you.
Post pictures of you living your life
The fact that you are living life is a strong signal that you are no longer living your life with her.
You can do so by posting pictures of yourself doing things that you enjoy. It could be,
- Hanging out with friends
- Playing a sport you enjoy
- Or just eating at your favorite restaurant
When she sees pictures of you living your life, her subconscious mind is going to take it a sign that you have moved on and will make her panic.
This will create a strong absence in her sub conscious mind of you. In terms of percentage, I’d say that it will go back to 90% from 70% if you pull this off correctly.
Add New Friends (Especially Girls)
If you add new girls as your friend on Facebook, it’s going to be a strong indicator that you are living your life and there is a chance you will move on. This creates jealousy as well as absence in her mind for you.
The thought of you moving on to someone else will create a strong absence in her mind for you. Again, this can increase the feeling of absence to about 95% if done correctly.
Social Media Shit Test
Sometimes, your ex girlfriend will try to call you out by going the extra miles to post pictures of her.
It’s very common for girls to post pictures of themselves partying with a caption that says something like
“Single and enjoying life to the fullest”
Or, they might post a picture hugging another guy with the caption
“Had awesome fun with this guy last night”
If you don’t have the right mindset about getting her back, there’s a good chance this will cause you to panic hard.
Your mind will go into berserk mode thinking that you have lost her for good. In some cases, it might cause you to feel almost a 99% absence for her. So much that you won’t be able to stop thinking about her for even a second. This is your mind on red alert mode.
And there’s a good chance it will cause you to contact her and beg her to take you back.
On other extremes, some guys may respond to this by trying to compete with her and posting pictures with other girls. Thus confirming her belief that you are doing things on social media for her to see.
But, I want to remind you that this is a shit test. That means she did it to get a reaction out of you. To call out your bluff.
And of course, if you are bluffing, you will panic and do something stupid.
What to do to pass this shit test?
The easiest way to pass this shit test is to do nothing. If seeing her pictures or social media statuses causes you to panic, then you should block her from everywhere or delete your social media profiles.
Remember, your priority is to heal during no contact and focus on yourself. If anything compromises that, you must cut it off. And that includes social media.
If you and your ex girlfriend have common friends, there is a good chance they are conveying information to her about you. You can use this to your advantage.
If you are truly working on yourself and healing from the breakup, it will show. You can just ask your common friends to hang out with you and they will notice everything that has changed in you.
If you are healthier, they will notice. If you are happier, they will notice. If you are more confident, they will notice.
And they will tell all of this to your ex girlfriend.
Common Friends Shit Test
A lot of times, your ex girlfriend will use her friends against you. She might ask them to call you and tell you stuff about her. Stuff like,
“She is dating some other guy. I think you should move on.”
“She is a lot happier than she was before. I don’t think she will ever come back to you.”
Just the fact that she is using her friends to say this to you means that you are on her mind.
How guys fail this shit test?
They panic and try to use logic with her friends. They will try convince her and say things like,
“Can you try to talk to her and tell her I’ve changed?”
“I really love her. You know I love her too much. You know she will never find someone like me. Can’t you do something for me?”
By saying anything like this, you are confirming to her friend that you are still available for your ex. You are still waiting for her. And you are still present in her life.
And if you are present in her life, you are not absent. And if there is no absence, there is no missing.
How You can pass this shit test?
The easiest way to pass this shit test is to stop acknowledging her friend (or even her) as a reliable source of information about her feelings.
The truth is, most people are not that much in touch with their feelings. She might be going through terrible grief, but she is tricking herself into thinking that she is happy. She might be having doubts in her mind but she is trying to stay consistent to her decision.
The easiest way to respond to this is to be honest, be vulnerable and only talk about yourself. For example,
“Oh Ok. The breakup has been hard on me and I am still trying to recover from it. So I’ll appreciate it if we don’t talk about my ex.”
Tactics Part 3: After No Contact
Once you are done with no contact, you want to get back in your ex girlfriend’s life. You want her to speak to you regularly.
This means that you will not be totally absent from her life. But you still want her to miss you.
Because the more she is thinking about you, the more she will feel attracted and connected to you.
If you have followed this article until now, then you know that the emotion of missing is created by a stimulus and an absence.
Since you will be speaking to her, your absence level goes down.
So how do you create the emotion of missing?
By creating a stimulus.
Plant a seed in her mind
When you first contact your ex after no contact, you want to plant a seed in her mind. An idea that things are different now. That you are different now. That if she ever gets back with you, the new relationship has the potential to be amazing.
You want to be as subtle as possible when you are planting this idea. Remember the movie Inception? It’s kind of like that. Except, it’s real life and Christopher Nolan is not directing it so it doesn’t have to be very complicated.
Basically, you don’t want to even talk about getting back together. You just want to give her a hint about how much you have grown as a person during no contact.
Planting a seed in her mind will work in your favor two folds. It will create a stimulus in her mind and will create absence as well.
When you send her that text, it will work by creating a stimulus as well as absence for you in her mind. Here’s how.
- Stimulus: If you plant the idea in her mind successfully, she won’t be able to stop thinking about the type of relationship she always wanted to have with you. The type of relationship she expected to have with you when you both first started dating. The thought process will be a continuous reminder to her about you. Every time she thinks about her future romantic life, she will imagine the life she could have with you.
- Absence: I you’ve read my article on getting your ex girlfriend back, I recommend that you back off for a while after sending the first contact message. This is to help that idea grow in her mind. At the same time, she will feel absence for you because she will fear that you will move on and have that amazing relationship with someone else.
It’s needless to say that planting this seed in her mind is the most crucial step in getting her to back. If you need help drafting that message, check out our coaching packages.
Shit Test for Planting a Seed
When you try to plant a seed in her mind, the biggest resistance she will have in her mind is that you are saying everything to get her back. She will think that you are manipulative and are just trying to get her back using reverse psychology.
If you use the correct message, then she probably won’t put up her defenses and might even open up to you about how she feels. I can’t stress the importance of using the right message when you are getting back in touch.
But if she is still skeptical, then she might put you through some shit test to see how you react. For example,
- She might tell you that she is glad you are moving on and she is moving on as well. That she is dating someone new and he is amazing.
- She might not respond at all. Thinking that you will keep contacting her if you are still desperate and needy.
- She might tell you that it’s too late and that she doesn’t want you to contact her again.
How to pass this shit test?
The key to letting an idea grow is to LET IT GROW. If you try to keep digging in to see if the seed you planted is growing, it’s not going to grow.
No matter what she does after you’ve sent that message, you should back off. No matter what emotions she is feeling at the moment, they will all subside and the seed you have planted will start growing. You just need to be patient.
Texting Her and Using Past Memories.
Talking about the past memories with your ex can act as a great stimulus. It’s very useful if you and your ex are speaking with each other regularly.
I have some examples for past memory texts in this article on texting your ex. Here’s how to create a stimulus and an absence so that you can use these texts to get her to miss you.
Ideally, you should use these texts when you and your ex have started speaking to each other. Perhaps a week or two after you have sent the elephant in the room text. But since you have started speaking to her, you won’t be able to create a strong absence in her life. This is why you need to create a strong stimulus for her to miss you.
The best way to create a strong stimulus is to be as descriptive as possible. Make your text like a story. Paint a picture in her mind with words. Write a screenplay for her so she sees the movie in her head.
If she can imagine what you wrote clearly in her mind, she will almost experience the same feelings she felt at the moment. And when she feels that same positive emotion, she will want to have what she had at that time. And that’s you. You beside her as her lover.
Here’s an example of a non-descriptive text vs a descriptive text.
Non Descriptive Text
Remember the time we went for hiking? That was fun. Am I right?
I was thinking about the time we went hiking. You woke me up at 5 AM and it was like we both went to an epic adventure together. There were obstacles in the way like when we just avoided that brown bear and you almost fell in that ditch. I remember my heart skipped a beat for a second thinking I’ve lost you. And then when we reached the top, we had a little picnic and ate those amazing sandwiches. Damn, they were the best Sandwiches ever. I can taste the pickles just thinking about them. And the best part? It was just sitting with you on the edge of the cliff with your head resting on my shoulder. I think it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.
Of course, you don’t have to necessarily say that in text. You can even say that in a phone call to make it more intimate.
If you want to say that in a text, it’s better if you don’t say it all at the same time. It will be better if you send each sentence as a new text. If she is online at the same time, she will be anticipating your next text as she moves along with the story.
Texting services like iMessage and Whatsapp show someone when the other person is typing. When she sees you typing, she will let you continue the story you are playing in her mind. And she will enjoy every bit of it.
One of the ways to create absence in her mind is to give her a little bit of space after you’ve had a good conversation with her. When you have planted a seed in her mind and are not always desperate to speak to her, she will eventually start missing you and want to speak to you.
But you can also create absence in her mind by creating a fear of missing out. This can be done by telling her about something you are doing in your life and relating it to some great memory you both had together.
Here’s an example,
“Hey, I just went to that little Armenian café again with a friend. It reminded me of our second date and that beautiful red dress you were wearing. You looked hot.”
See how you are not being very descriptive but you are still making her use her imagination. She is going to start thinking about her wearing that red dress and how it made her feel. You are going to make her think about how you were looking at her on her second date. You are going to make her remember the butterflies she felt in her stomach during that second date. All of this is going to create a strong stimulus in her mind.
And to top it all off, the fact that you are going to that place alone is going to make her fear missing out. The fact that you are going there with someone else is going to make her jealous. These two thoughts create a strong absence in her mind even if you are talking with her regularly.
Shit Test While Using Texts
One of the most common shit test girls use is by just not replying to your message. Sometimes, they will see your message and not reply for hours. Sometimes, they will decide not to see your message for hours, even if you can see them online.
How to pass this shit test?
The truth is, texting culture has become really manipulative over the years. I recommend you don’t play into this manipulation. If you do, there’s a good chance you will end up creating your new relationship on the foundation of power struggle.
If you are serious about creating a long lasting and healthy relationship with this girl, you should make sure that you are consistent in being honest and truthful about everything.
If you realize that she is taking too long to reply back, don’t try to one up her by taking even longer to reply. Instead, just reply whenever you see her message.
If she continues trying to avoid you, stop contacting her for a while. Give her some space and let the idea that you planted in her mind grow a little bit more.