A few days ago, I was reading a story about someone describing their experience with a college admission process. It reminded me how my ex from years ago and I worked together to draft her SOP and then sent it excitedly to the college she was applying to.
I haven’t thought about that ex for years. At least, not for more than a minute or two. But with this reminder, I started missing my ex. For some reason, the memory of her laughing and smiling at a silly inside joke came to my mind. It was a vivid memory. I could see her face clearly, I could see that she was wearing a green tank top and I could hear her laugh in my mind clearly. It made me feel the way I felt when I was with her at that very moment. Happy.
The memory made me smile. But it also made me miss her more. I haven’t checked her social in years. But this time, I got the urge to check up on her. I think because I really wanted to see a picture of my ex. I wanted to see how she looked after so many years.
So I opened up her Instagram.
I am talking about an ex from over nine years ago over here.
Care to imagine what I would have felt like immediately after a breakup?
Actually, let me describe how it felt like.
Everything I saw or heard reminded me of my ex. I missed her terribly. I had an intense desire to reach out to her, to hear her voice, to see her face, to feel her touch.
Life felt incomplete, hopeless, and sad. Life felt lifeless without her.
When I went to bed, I craved having my ex next to me. I missed holding her hand in bed, which was a sleeping ritual that always helped me sleep.
When I woke up, it took me a few moments to realize that my ex wasn’t with me anymore. And when the realization hit, it also came with regret, sadness and an intense desire to …. you guessed it, to reach out to her.
Every time my phone rang, I hoped it was my ex calling or texting me. Every time the doorbell rang, I hoped it would be her on the other side of the door.
The intensity of missing her became less with time. Slowly, I learned to accept the breakup. And I created new rituals to help me sleep. When I woke up, I already knew she wasn’t there but I still thought of her every morning.
Fast forward a few years later, I stopped missing my ex and thinking about her completely, save for the occasional relapse for a few minutes.
This incident I spoke of earlier, of me missing my ex, lasted no more than 10 minutes. After checking her up on her socials, I went back to living my new life that is in no way associated with my ex.
I Miss My Ex – The Bottom Line
If you miss your ex, the most important thing to do is to accept that it’s normal, that it will take time to stop and allow yourself to heal. Spend time caring for yourself as you would care for a dear friend going through a tough time. Treat yourself with kindness and let yourself feel the pain and process the grief.
As you spend time caring yourself, as you grieve the breakup, and process what happened, the intensity and duration of missing your ex will decrease. Slowly, everything around you will not remind you of them. The amount of time you spend thinking about your ex will decrease.
One day, you will wake up realizing you no longer love your ex. And eventually, you will have moved on from them and stop missing them completely.
Or, you may realize that what you and your ex had is worth fighting for and decide to reconnect and give it another shot.
In this article, we are going to explore all of this. We are going to explore why you miss your ex, why it’s normal, what you need to do process the breakup, how to cope, how to heal and what to do if you want to get back with your ex.
Thinking About Getting Them Back? – Take This Quiz to Find Out Your Chances of Reconciliation
Why Do You Miss Your Ex?
If you are missing your ex boyfriend or your ex girlfriend after a breakup, it’s because you are a human being. Human beings miss their loved ones when they are away from them.
Missing an ex is part of the breakup grief that everyone goes through. The more you were in love with your ex, the more badly you are likely to miss them.
You may not want to miss your ex because it hurts thinking about them. But your mind and your body don’t really care what you want. They work the way they have been programmed by millions of years of evolution. And we’ve been programmed to miss our exes after a breakup. We’ve been programmed to miss someone we care about and love when they are not with us.
We’ve been programmed to follow the same daily rituals and resist change. We’ve been programmed to crave familiarity, comfort and security. And when all that is taken away from us, we miss it.
Your ex provided you familiarity. Your ex provided you comfort. The relationships made you feel secure knowing that you have someone to be by your side. You felt like you and your ex belonged together. The relationship became a part of your identity. It became a part of who you are.
You had your own inside jokes, your own rituals, and things only the two of you knew about each other. And when the breakup happened, it all just went away in an instant.
It’s no wonder you miss your ex. Here is a list of reasons why you miss your ex and how your brain starts missing them:
1. You miss the way you feel when you were in a relationship: The relationship may have made you feel secure. You knew your ex cared for you and you cared for them. You knew they will be there for you at the end of the day even if the entire world was against you. You had someone to watch those Netflix specials with. It felt good knowing someone loved you. It felt good waking up next to the person you love. When the breakup happened, everything that made you feel secure vanished in an instant. It’s only normal to miss that feeling.
2. You miss the memories with your ex: There’s a good chance you and your ex made some amazing memories together. The day when you met. Your first kiss. The first time you had sex. Maybe the day you got married. Your first fight. When you made up after the first fight. There are so many special moments when you are with the person you love that you want to remember and cherish forever. But when a breakup happens, those memories may hurt a lot because they are a reminder of what you lost.
3. You miss the future that you had hoped for with your ex: If you are like the thousands of people who come to this website for advice after a breakup, then there’s a good chance you had hoped for a future with your ex. Even if you were the one who broke up, you may have, at one time, thought about being with your ex for a long time. If you were just dating, you may have hoped for a future where you both got married, had children, build a home together and grow old together. If you and your ex were married or if you already had children, you may have hoped to stay in that marriage for a long time, support your children as a married couple, grow old together and support each other through every phase of life.
But then the breakup (or the divorce) happened. and the hope you had for your future with your love was crushed.
We all have a vision of our future and the person we are going to share that future with. We kind of rely on that vision to motivate us, inspire us and make us feel secure in times of uncertainty. When the breakup happened, that hope for the future was taken away from you in an instant. And when you miss your ex, you may be also missing that hopeful future that you envisioned with your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.
4. You miss your ex because you are just lonely: If you were in a relationship with your ex for a long time, you probably got used to having a romantic partner and a sexual partner. You got used to having sex regularly. You got used to having someone say to you that they love you. And now that your ex is gone, you miss all those benefits of being in a relationship. It is one of our basic need to have a romantic partner. Being in a healthy romantic relationship has been proven to not only be healthy for your mind, but also for your body.
5. Everything Will Remind You of Your Ex: When the breakup happens, everything around you can remind you of your ex. You see a their toothbrush in your bathroom, you start missing the smell of your ex in the morning. You see their favorite pillow, it reminds you of your ex hugging that pillow You see the sweater that your ex wore, it reminds you of the time they wore it and went on a date with you. You see a show on Netflix, it reminds you of the time they got angry at you for not watching the show together. Oh what you would give for them to be angry at such a small thing now.
The point is, when the breakup is fresh, everything around you is bound to remind you of them. And it’s okay. This happens because your brain wants to miss your ex. Remember, it’s the way your brain is programmed by evolution. It doesn’t want change. And it’s reminding you of your ex because the default programming of your brain is to make you try to bring back the security and familiarity that your ex provided. It wants you to try and get them back.
Missing Your Ex And The Desire To Get Them Back
Wanting to get back with an ex is the most natural response for our instincts when we miss an ex. It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom, it doesn’t matter how bad the relationship was, it doesn’t matter if you both swore to never speak to each other ever again.
When you miss your ex, you are going to have a desire to get back with them. Maybe the desire will only last a few seconds. Maybe you will quickly remind yourself of the reasons you both broke up. But the thought, the feeling, the craving to be back with them will arise at one point or another.
Luckily, for most people, that desire isn’t strong enough to matter. They know that the breakup happened for a reason and they can quickly convince themselves to ignore that feeling and focus on moving on.
But for some people, that desire to get your ex back is too strong. It’s often accompanied by a lot of anxiety and a strong fear of losing your ex. A lot of people, who miss their ex terribly also feel a compulsion to reach out to them. They end up texting or calling their ex incessantly in an attempt to convince their ex to come back.
But in most cases, that incessant calling and texting doesn’t work. In fact, it pushes them further away.
If you have a strong desire to try to get your ex back, then you should know that it’s okay to feel that way. It’s normal to want an ex back if you really thought the relationship was special. In fact, there’s a good chance you will get them back if you focus on rebuilding the relationship with strong foundations rather than trying to get them back out of fear.
But before you can do that, you need to stop panicking, stop letting the anxiety or the fear of losing your ex control you, and take a few weeks to heal and think things through.
You are still going to miss your ex. It’s not going to stop anytime soon. But you need to consciously not let your desire to get them back quickly control you. Remind yourself, that if you get them back, you want it to be a healthy and long lasting relationship. Not a quick fix for the pain you are feeling right now.
You shouldn’t want your ex back just because the breakup is painful. You should want them back because the new relationship could be amazing.
To give you some context, couples who constantly breakup and get back together are not very happy in the relationship. Such types of on/off relationships have been studied by researchers who found that they are very stressful for both parties. According to this study, such unstable relationships get more stressful the more times you breakup and get back together.
So, if you miss your ex and want to try to get them back, you should strive to make sure it’s a healthy relationship. In other words, don’t get back with your ex unless you know you can keep them…permanently.
How To Get Your Ex Back and Keep Them?
To put it within the theme of this article, the first step to get your ex back, in a healthy relationship (#repeatwhatsimportant), is to stop missing them desperately and then eventually reconnect and see if a new, better relationship is possible.
The idea is to not let your desperation, neediness, insecurity or fear control your actions and decisions when it comes to getting them back.
Because if you act out of fear and try to control this breakup, you are just going to push your ex away.
And more importantly, even if you get back them back out of desperation, you may ignore the red flags that you shouldn’t ignore at any cost. Red flags that mean that this relationship isn’t right for you, isn’t right for your ex, and isn’t right for humanity (let’s face it, our society needs more healthy relationships now than it has ever needed in the history of human beings).
If you don’t heal from the breakup, or at least, stop being extremely anxious about losing your ex, then you won’t have the mindset to build a new, healthy, and awesome relationship with your ex. And you will, most likely, breakup again. Most probably for the same reasons you broke up in the first place.
To give you a number, we conducted a study on more than 3.5k participants and found that only 30% of people get their ex back. And out of those 30%, half of them breakup again.
The other half, who get back with their ex and stayed together, say that time apart from their ex, minimizing contact and self-improvement was the reason they got back together and their new relationship worked.
So you can get your ex back and keep them if you let this breakup happen, focus on healing, self-improvement, self-care, and self-growth. We have some amazing resources on getting your ex back in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Check them out below.
Recommended Reading: How To Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 Step Plan
Recommended Reading – How To Talk About Getting Back Together With Your Ex
Recommended Quiz – Find Out Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back [Very Accurate]
Missing Your Ex And The Desire To Heal From The Breakup – How To Stop Missing Your Ex
For my first real breakup, it took me more than a year to really stop missing my ex.
After the breakup, every day felt the same. For the first month, I couldn’t tell I was healing. Every day I would get up feeling exactly the same I was before. It felt like I was making no progress.
But I was.
I was healing.
It was slow, but it was happening. Perhaps at a cellular level.
And when enough time had passed, I felt like I didn’t miss my ex all the time anymore. And even when I did miss her, it didn’t hurt.
Missing her wasn’t accompanied by anxiety, fear, dread and a feeling of emptiness.
When something reminded me of her, I was quickly able to process the memory and bounce back to doing whatever it was I was doing.
At that time, it was hard for me to understand what helped the most in coping and healing from the breakup because I was forcing myself to do everything possible to heal. But since then, I have become a breakup coach and have helped thousands of people with their breakup.
I have read countless stories of my readers going through similar pain as I did, I have read hundreds of scientific studies on breakups and what helps in healing, and I have spoken to thousands of my clients that have went through a bad breakup and who missed their ex terribly.
All this experience has given me a pretty comprehensive insight into what works and what doesn’t when it comes to healing from a breakup and stop missing an ex. As you implement these tips, you will find some of these tips help you feel instantly better while others seem to do nothing (and maybe even make you miss your ex more).
But remember, the progress could be slow. The best way to heal from this breakup and stop missing your ex is to apply as much of these tips in your daily life as possible.
1. Stop Any Direct or Indirect Contact With Your Ex
One of the core principles of healing from a breakup, moving on from a breakup or getting your ex back in a new and healthy relationship is to do something called the no contact rule. The rule simply states that you should stop contacting your ex directly (through phone calls, texts or IMs) or indirectly (by checking up on them on social media or keeping tabs on them through common friends). Doing no contact will not only help you stop missing your ex, it will also help you heal from the breakup and grow as a person.
The idea is to detox yourself from any information about your ex. Because the more you speak to your ex or hear about them, the more you are going to miss them. But when you stop contacting them, you are slowly going to heal from the breakup, process everything that happened and eventually stop missing them so badly and frequently.
As time goes by, you will focus less on your ex and more on yourself. You will focus less on what your ex is doing or what your ex is thinking and you will focus more on your needs, your desires, your dreams and your aspirations.
2. Remove Reminders of Your Ex and Avoid Anything That May Remind You Of Them
An obvious thing to do to stop missing your ex is to remove reminders of your ex from your home and your vicinity. Remove things like your ex’s toothbrush, any pictures of them, their favorite pillow or their favorite blanket. In addition, you should wash anything that may still smell like your ex. When you go out, it’s best to avoid going to places you used to visit frequently with your ex.
If you don’t see, hear or smell things that remind you of your ex, you are less likely to miss them. Keep in mind that just removing the things won’t necessarily stop you missing your ex altogether. But it will certainly help.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
You should prioritize taking care of your physical and mental health while you are grieving from the breakup. Get a massage, go for a Mani/Pedi, get a new haircut, take a long bath or go have a meal at your favorite restaurant. Instead of indulging in alcohol or drugs that may numb the feelings; indulge in things that make you feel better and helps relieve stress from your body and mind.
While we are talking about self-care, it’s important to treat yourself with kindness and patience while you are going through this. If you have a tendency to criticize yourself, then it’s time to stop and start being kind to yourself. Remember, the best way forward after this breakup is to treat yourself the same way you would treat a dear friend going through a tough time.
You need to be show self-love to your mind, to your body and to your soul. Practicing gratitude, eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep and meditating are some of the best way to do that.
4. Use Social Support As Much As Possible
One of the most important aspects of letting yourself heal after the breakup is to spend as much time with your friends and family as possible. If needed, reconnect with old friends that you may have lost touch with.
Humans, have a strong need to connect with other people. And if you isolate yourself after the breakup, you will just miss your ex even more.
Spending time with your friends, talking about the breakup, or talking about the things that are important to you; can be very therapeutic.
I love the way Katie Bogen from Vox shared her experience of how she reconnected with her old friends, talked about the breakup with them and how it helped her heal.
“After the breakup, I was able to reconnect. I spent weekend after weekend taking long drives to binge Netflix and wine, snuggle, cry, and process my heartbreak out loud with people who loved me. I made the women in my life my priorities. I spent hours on the phone, catching up with the people I had lost touch with. Nothing feels like home quite like being barefoot on your best friend’s couch with a glass of red wine and a handy box of tissues.
These women reminded me that there were pieces of my past unburdened, or possibly even strengthened, by the breakup. Marie took me on long walks with her puppy, and the two of us sipped mimosas over brunch. She rooted me to my most loving self. She reminded me that I was still (and always had been) lovable. Olivia pulled me out of my comfort zone. She brought me rock climbing and to Walden Pond. She helped me celebrate my independence. She talked me through asking my ex for my things back. Marie and Olivia helped me rebuild a foundation of my strongest, happiest, and most present self. They reminded me that all was not lost.”
But not everyone has such good friends and family. Moreover, you may be at a stage in life where your friends or family don’t have enough time for you.
If so, fret not. You can still heal from the breakup. Keep reading.
5. Process the breakup by asking the right questions
If you are anything like me, you may be overthinking everything that happened during the relationship that may have lead to the breakup. You may even be beating yourself over the way you acted during the breakup or after the breakup.
“Why didn’t I give her more attention when we were together?”
“Why did I cry during the breakup? I should have been stronger.”
“Why did I call him so many times? He must think I am desperate to get him back.”
Sometimes, these thoughts can be overwhelming. They usually involve thinking about what your ex is doing, what your ex is thinking, what your ex is feeling, what happened during the breakup and what could happen in the future. They certainly don’t help if they last all day long.
But if you think about the breakup in a constructive way, it can help you process what happened, accept and learn from it.
The key is to focus your thoughts on accepting what happened, and learning from it.
Recommended Reading: I Can’t Stop Thinking About My Ex – Strategies To Stop
6. Get Some Structure and Routine in Your Life
One of the main reason we miss our ex is because they were a huge part of our daily routine. For me, eating breakfast with my ex and watching TV before bed was like a ritual that always comforted me. And those were the times I missed her most after the breakup.
For one of my client, Hailey, she would always listen to a specific playlist with her ex whenever they went on long drives. Those songs became the soundtrack of their relationship. The melodies and lyrics intertwined with their memories, encapsulating moments of laughter, love, and even the occasional argument. After they parted ways, every time one of those songs played, a wave of nostalgia would hit Hailey, sometimes so powerfully that she’d have to pull her car over just to collect herself.
Similarly, another client, Mark, had a tradition of spending the evenings with his ex on their laptop and phones. They would watch YouTube videos, TikTok videos, share memes and maybe play some games together. They would laugh sharing the funny videos with each other, tease each other and eventually cuddle.
After the breakup, sitting alone on the laptop in the evenings felt depressing. The TikTok videos were still funny and they would make him chuckle. But he didn’t have someone to share them with. Every time he would find something funny, Mark would miss his ex because he wanted to share it with her. What used to be a fun ritual between him and his ex turned into something Mark would avoid in the evenings.
But new routines, new rituals and structure can be used to replace the old rituals and routines of your life. You may have to force yourself at the starting. But it will eventually become a part of your daily life and you won’t miss your ex badly anymore.
For me, I started intermittent fasting and just skipped breakfast. I know it may feel like a cheap shortcut. But in hindsight, it was genius move. Instead of eating breakfast alone and missing my ex, I fasted and then later went on a run. I would directly eat lunch at home or with a friend at a close by restaurant. I avoided unnecessary reminders and built a healthy habit.
For Hailey, she just stopped listening to songs for a while. Instead, she made it a ritual to listen to podcasts on her commute. Instead of dreading the memories of her ex coming back, she started looking forward to the podcasts that gave her unique insights into self-development and self-growth. She learned new skills every day, became a ninja at professional communication and even got promoted at her job.
My other client Mark, decided to force himself to do a little side business in the evenings. He created a list of goals he needed to achieve. And then broke down those goals into smaller tasks. Every morning, before work, he would write down the tasks he needed to finish each day. And in the evening, when he returned home from work, he would directly get to those tasks instead of doom scrolling the internet. Slowly, he enjoyed working on those tasks and even looked forward to them.
He avoided Youtube and Tiktok for almost a month. When he got back on it, it didn’t make him miss his ex like it used to. He had healed.
7. Rediscover Yourself, Your Identity and Redefine What’s Important to You
Even if you miss your ex terribly and you feel you want them back desperately, you should still use this time to do some soul searching and figure out what’s most important to you.
A part of your brain may shout, “My ex is the most important thing in the world to me”. But you gotta tell that part of your brain to kindly shut up and appeal to the part of that brain that may have been dormant for a while.
Ask yourself questions like,
- What is it that you always wanted to do but never got the chance to do?
- Is there something you loved, but gave up, because you got too busy in the relationship?
- What is the activity/hobby/passion/industry that brings you joy/excitement/fulfillment?
Breakups are an excellent opportunity to rediscover yourself and set new goals for your life. Once you have figured out what’s important for you, you should set goals for that and try to focus on that. Connect with people who share the same values as you and also feel the same about those things.
For people who love their job, dedicating yourself to your passion can be cathartic. The idea is to replace the love you feel for your ex by dedicating your time and energy to the love you feel for your craft, for your passion.
Working on things that are important to you and connecting with a community who shares the same values can bring a new meaning to your life and increase your self-confidence and self-worth by tenfold.
8. Consider Dating Again When You Feel You are Ready
A good way to stop missing your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is to replace the romantic memories with new ones. Of course, it’s much easier said than done. It’s hard to find someone you truly connect with and who wants the same things in a relationship as you. And if you go out on bad dates, you may just start missing your ex even more when you realize how hard it is to replace them.
This is why it’s important that you only start dating when you have healed from the breakup. If you are still missing your ex badly, you should not go out on dates. There is a good chance you won’t enjoy the date and would end up missing your ex even more. But if you have healed from the breakup and are only missing your ex occasionally (maybe after a month or two of the breakup), then you should consider stepping back in the dating market. You should only start dating again when the possibility of finding someone new excites you and not depresses you.
9. Get Help From a Mental Health Professional, a Coach or a Support Group
Almost everyone can benefit from speaking to a therapist, a coach or joining a support group. Your friends and family can help you process the breakup, but they are not professionally trained to do so. They can give you advice but their advice is not coming from years of experience. But speaking to a mental health professional, specializing in breakups, can give you great insights and guidance to help you move forward after a breakup.
In addition, a breakup coach can also be a great source of comfort and guidance. This is especially true if you feel any sort of confusion after the breakup (such as “Should I try to get back together”, “Why did this breakup happen?”). If you are looking for a breakup coach, check out our coaching services over here.
What To Expect When You Try To Heal and Stop Missing Your Ex?
Okay, so you’ve decided to embark on this journey to heal from this breakup. Maybe you want to get back together or maybe you want to move on. But you know that the path forward involves self-care and self-improvement.
Knowing what you can expect moving forward will help you avoid the surprises along the way. Here’s what you should expect as you move forward.
1. Expect the progress to be a roller coaster: Breakup grief can have lots of ups and downs as you go through it.
One day, I would wake up and suddenly miss my ex a little bit less. Think about her a little bit less. Feel more motivated to go to the gym, meet my friends, eat healthy.
But then a few days later, it would all go back as if the breakup just happened. I wouldn’t be able to muster up enough energy to get out of bed. Somehow, I would drag myself to the kitchen to cook something only to realize I don’t feel like eating anything.
The thought of my ex kept lingering in the back of my brain. Why do I miss her so much today? I was making such good progress.
Somehow, I would get through the day ordering takeaway and watching the TV show House. (Something about that show felt comforting. Perhaps the misery of House and the way he would still somehow get through his day achieving great things.)
But then the next day, I would feel better again.
Those off days kept coming in for almost a year. Sometimes, they would last 2-3 days. Sometimes, they would last only a few hours.
But the frequency and duration kept declining steadily until those days just stopped altogether.
2. Expect your ex to make things harder for you: When you start on your healing journey and stop contacting your ex, the dynamics between you and your ex is going to change suddenly.
Remember, your ex is probably missing you too. They are also going through the same breakup pain and same breakup grief. But if they were the one who broke up with you, they have the comfort of knowing that they can have you back.
But once you start on your healing journey, that comfort will be taken away from them. And they will also start feeling the anxiety or fear of losing you completely.
And they may start doing things that will make it harder for you to move on and heal from the breakup. These things may include things like,
- Posting cryptic posts or stories on social media.
- Calling or texting you every day.
- Showing up at places they know you frequently visit.
- Do things to try to make you jealous.
- Say or do things to make you feel guilty.
- Trying to get a reaction from you by doing things they know will bother you.
If you pull away from your ex and try to heal, you can expect them to try to push.
So expect your ex to try to make this harder for you. And learn to set clear boundaries and enforce them. It’s natural for exes to try to hold on to you when they feel you are moving on from the breakup. But you need to set healthy boundaries, focus on healing and work on your self-improvement.
Even if you want them back, you should learn to set healthy boundaries and prioritize your healing over the idea of getting them back. Here’s a story from one of my client, Evan, who wanted his ex back, tried to heal but his ex girlfriend would just keep messaging him.
Reader Experience: Evan Tried To Cut Contact and Heal, But His Ex Just Kept Contacting Him
Source: Client Emails
I tried to cut contact to better myself. I told her “I hope our hearts find a way back to each other in the future but we need to take some time apart for now”. She agreed and said she hopes we find a way back to each other too.
But every day since that day, she kept messaging. Every morning I get up thinking I am not going to get distracted. I am going to try to accept the breakup.
Every day, I prepare myself for the grief to hit. To really hit. The way they show in the movies. The way it feels when there is no hope.
But then, she would message me. And we would talk. And I just couldn’t help but start thinking about getting back together.
Every time she would message me, I would get hope.
But she wouldn’t talk about getting back together. She would say she misses me. She would talk about her day as if were still a couple. But at the end of the day, we were still broken up.
It was eating me alive. Every waking moment I would worry she is using me and she will just stop talking to me when she finds a new boyfriend. I felt like a placeholder for her.
One week later and after a lot of back and forth with my breakup coach, I asked her if we should meet up and talk. She asked me, “Why?”.
“Because I think we both still love each other and we should talk about getting back together.”
“I think we both need more time before we could do that.” She said.
“Okay, I respect your decision. I agree. We both need to spend time away from each other.”
“Yes, we do.”
I guessed she wanted more time. And perhaps now, she will now let me heal. I was ready to miss her. I was ready to feel the pain of missing her. I was ready to better myself and become the man she would be proud to be with.
But the next day, she texted again. “Hey, I miss you. How are you doing?”
This time, it made me angry.
What does she want?
What part of “We need space and time” doesn’t she understand?
A part of me wanted to shout at her and tell her to leave me alone. But I decided to just ignore her.
It was the first time since the breakup I didn’t reply to her.
She didn’t message again. I guess she finally understood what I needed when I stopped replying to her message.
We didn’t talk for two weeks. And then, we ran into each other at a friends party. We both knew we were going to be there. When we met, she looked different.
She had cut her hair short. She looked confident. She wore a simple black dress. It was the same dress she told me she wanted to buy a few months before the breakup. I guessed she bought it for herself.
Or did someone else buy it for her?
I was sure she was dating someone else. I looked around to find out if she was her new boyfriend. She was talking to a guy but it didn’t feel like they were together. She was friendly to him. And it made my heart beat faster. Is she flirting with him? Are they gonna end up going back to her place tonight?
The thought of her being with this guy almost consumed me. But I used a breathing technique I recently learned to bring myself back to the present. I had been working on not letting obsessive thoughts overwhelm me. I reminded myself that we are broken up. That I can’t control what she does or who she is with. I can only control what I do. And I chose to get a drink and try to enjoy the party.
While I was getting a drink, she came and stood next to me. I had lost quite a bit of weight in those two weeks. And she noticed.
“You’ve been working out.”; she said.
“Yeah. You’ve got a new haircut.”; I said.
It was awkward. I wasn’t ready to talk to her. But she didn’t care. She asked me how I was and what I have been doing. I was honest. It wasn’t easy. But I had been trying my best to heal and grow from this breakup. She said she was too.
As the night wore on, we found ourselves alone on the balcony. The night was cold but I could feel her warm body next to me. I took a deep breath, “I’ve missed you.”
She nodded, “I’ve missed you too.”
There was a big pause. Then she said, “I am sorry I kept messaging you when you asked for space. I wasn’t ready to stop talking.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
I wanted to reach out and kiss her. If I did, I knew she would kiss me back. But we were not together. I made a pledge to myself that I will try to accept the breakup. And I didn’t want us to get in a situation where I am not sure if we are back together.
We went back inside and had a good time with our friends. I found out she wasn’t dating anyone and didn’t go home with the guy she was flirting with.
The next day, I got a text from her. “Hey, I want you to know that if you want more space, I won’t text you anymore. But do you want to meet up for coffee and talk?”
I guess she was ready to talk about getting back together.
Moral of the story: Don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Even if you want your ex back, your priority should always be your mental and emotional health.
3. Expect your friends and family to interrupt (but with your best interest at heart): Your friends and family may bring up your ex or the topic of your dating life when you don’t want to talk about it. They may inform your ex about how you are hurt when you don’t want your ex to get any information about you. They may start talking to you about how your ex is hanging out with someone else when you don’t want to hear anything about them.
They may also occasionally give some bad advice. They may try to force you to start dating again. They may give you false hope saying that all exes come back. (Reality Check: No They Don’t.) Or they may try to kill your hopes of getting back together saying things like, “You Should Never Go Back To an Ex.” (Reality Check 2: Sometimes it makes sense to reconcile.)
So even if their advice seems annoying or unhelpful; take comfort in knowing that they have your best interest at heart. They want you to heal and they want you to be happy again. They may not be an expert in the field of breakups, but they probably have experienced breakups before and they are sharing their perspective. While their experience may not be relevant to your particular situation, try to appreciate the effort.
Is it normal to miss my ex even though it has been a long time (a year or more) since the breakup?
It’s okay to miss your ex or think about your ex even after years of the breakup only if it’s on occasion. If you are constantly missing your ex (or obsessing over them) even though it’s been a long time since the breakup, then it means you have not healed from the breakup.
Sometimes, we need to make a conscious effort to heal from the breakup. And that may involve forcing yourself to do self-improvement, self-care and self-growth activities. Getting therapy or speaking to a coach can help a lot.
Recommended Reading: I Still Love My Ex – How To Cope and Heal
Recommended Reading: How To Get Your Ex Back After a Year
Why Do I Miss My Narcissist or Toxic Ex?
It is normal to miss a narcissist ex or a toxic ex even though you feel relieved that the toxic relationship is over. The truth is, there are many things in a toxic relationship that keeps people hooked to it. Things like love bombing, gaslighting, and codependency. When you end a toxic relationship, there is a good chance you will miss the good parts of the relationship. But it’s important to remind yourself that the relationship was unhealthy for you and you are much better off without one. If you were in a toxic relationship, look into these resources.
Should I Get Back With My Ex – 6 Steps To Find Out
Strategies To Help You Heal When You Are Grieving After a Breakup – Cleveland Clinic
Why does it hurt when I miss my ex?
Breakups are extremely painful for a lot of people. Researcher, Helen Fisher and her colleagues, used MRI scans to find out that romantic rejection or a breakup has similar effects on the brain as that of a drug addict suffering from a withdrawal. In other words, the pain you feel when you miss your ex is quite real and common.
While missing your ex, some people may even feel chest pain or shortness of breath when they are extremely stressed and in severe emotional pain. This condition is called “The Broken Heart Syndrome” according to Mayo Clinic. If the physical pain or stress you are experiencing while missing your ex persists for a long time, it’s important to take it seriously and get help immediately.
How long does it take to stop missing an ex?
Different people heal and accept the breakup at different pace. Some people may miss their ex badly for a couple weeks while others may miss their ex badly for six months. It’s okay if your progress is slow but it’s important that there is progress. If the amount of time and intensity you spend missing your ex is the same as it was a month ago, then you need to do things differently to help you heal from the breakup and stop missing your ex all the time.
For me personally, it took more than two months before I stopped missing my ex all the time. And more than a year until I stopped missing her completely. For most of my clients, things start getting better after 10-12 weeks of the breakup and get significantly better after 9 months of the breakup.
A study conducted at the Carnegie Mellon University aimed to find out how accurate the participants were in predicting how long their distress will last after the breakup. They followed up with the participants every 2 weeks to correlate the prediction. And the study found that people generally heal a lot faster than they predicted. So you may actually start feeling better and stop missing your ex sooner than you expect.
In addition, the study found that most participants started feeling better after about 10 weeks of the breakup. Which correlates to my findings with my client.
Another interesting statistics comes from a study we conducted on around 2.1k people who moved on from the breakup. We found that the longer they were in a relationship, the longer it took them to move on from their ex and stop missing them.
Note that the above table only measures what the participants reported about completely moving on from their ex. While it may have taken some of them almost a year to move on, most of them start feeling better after about 3 months.
While it’s acceptable to think that you will not miss your ex so much after the 3 months mark, it’s also very important to remind yourself that everyone heals at their own pace. It may take longer for you to heal from the breakup for various psychological, social, or situational reasons. And it’s completely okay.
Don’t Set Expectations for a Timeline to Stop Missing Your Ex
Whenever we want to achieve something, we are wired to ask ourselves “How much time it will take?” And while it makes sense to ask that question for most situations, it’s not really a healthy approach when it comes to healing from a breakup.
I don’t recommend you set a deadline or expect a timeline to stop missing your ex. This is something emotional and it’s very unique to every individual. Scientific studies have tried to quantify it but they also acknowledge that these results do not apply to every individual and every situation.
Instead, set other smaller, more tangible goals that you can actually measure. For example, instead of asking how long it will take you to stop missing your ex, create a goal to meditate at least 10 minutes a day. Or maybe start doing yoga and start wondering how long it will take you to learn to do a head stand.
If you like running, ask yourself how long it will take you to run 5k in under 30 minutes. Or how long it will take you to do a 230 pound squat.
Focus your attention on things that you can actually measure. And before you know it, you will stop missing your ex.
Does My Ex Also Miss Me?
Yes, your ex also probably misses you. As we discussed before, it’s normal and quite common for human beings to miss their ex after a breakup. This applies to your ex also. Your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend probably misses you even if they were the dumper. You can also look out for some signs that your ex misses you. These signs include your ex stalking you on social media, reaching out to you often, reaching out to your friends or family and the way they reply when you reach out to them.
Recommended Reading – Does My Ex Miss Me? Signs and What To Do If They Miss You
How To Make My Ex Miss Me
You can’t really make someone miss you if you are constantly reminding them of you. The only way to make an ex miss you is to remove your presence from their lives. And that involves doing the same things that I mentioned in the article above.
Recommended Reading: How To Make Your Ex Miss You
Should I Tell My Ex I Miss Them?
If you are telling them that you miss them out of desperation or as an attempt to get something from them (like sympathy, love, affection, or to make them get back with you), then you should not tell your ex that you miss them.
If you want to tell your ex that you miss them because you just want them to know how you feel and you don’t expect anything in return, then it is okay to tell your ex that you miss him/her.
In other words, you should only tell your ex you miss them when you are not needy or desperate.
Recommended Reading: How To Tell Your Ex You Miss Them With Confidence
hey kevin. i was following the things you said about the 'no contact' rule but in the mean time my ex girlfriend started to call and text me randomly once a while about irrelevant issues. And, i didn't know how to respond. What i did yesterday was that i told her someone called and told me that she has started something new like moving on. When i said this,she just said it is not true but in the evening she texted me that i and her are over for good and she has moved on and i should not try to control her or to spy on her. She also said that she has been trying to be nice for me but i am still the same man.
Finally,she said 'please don't call and good bye' then i replied her that it is not only her who doesn't want this r/ship. I am also done long ago and i just wanted to be certain. i also wrote her that have decided that she can not be my wife and i don't want any call or text from her. it has been a month since we broke up and we have been together for about three and half years. i believe she still has feelings for me but i don't know how to do things right. please i need to know what i should do next kevin. thank you
Hey T,
She definitely still has emotions for you and she is somehow hoping for you to change and be someone she can start a relationship with, just so she doesn't have to move on. It's a hard thing to get over a breakup. She is confused and is angry that she can't move on from you. I guess you just need to stay away from her for a while and when you contact her again, don't treat her like you have a past with her or that she owes you anything at all. Treat her like she is a girl you want to start a NEW RELATIONSHIP with. Treat her like she has already moved on and so have you.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up a year and a half ago after a two year relationship. He became distance after I had gotten pregnant and he said he was simply not ready for a baby. We remained intimate off and on over the course of a year. However, about 4 months ago I decided I no longer wanted to be intimate since my feelings for him continued to grow and I felt like I was only hurting myself. Since then I feel like he has been dating someone else but when he comes over to visit our 5mth old baby he seems to still flirt with me. Also, he has slipped multiple times and called me at 2am after drinking with his friends claiming to "check up on our baby". Although he has put me through the ringer this past year I cannot help but still love him. I think he still has feelings for me but I also think he is bitter and resentful towards me for keeping our child. He is only 23 and I am currently 27 so I am hoping this is his immaturity phase, but I don't know. I am unable to perform the no contact rule since he calls me everyday in regards to our child, but our conversations do remain pretty short. What do you recommend?
Hey, I replied to your comment here.
Hey, I replied to your comment here.
Hey, I replied to your comment here.
Hey, I replied to your comment here.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up a year and a half ago after a two year relationship. He became distance after I had gotten pregnant and he said he was simply not ready for a baby. We remained intimate off and on over the course of a year. However, about 4 months ago I decided I no longer wanted to be intimate since my feelings for him continued to grow and I felt like I was only hurting myself. Since then I feel like he has been dating someone else but when he comes over to visit our 5mth old baby he seems to still flirt with me. Also, he has slipped multiple times and called me at 2am after drinking with his friends claiming to "check up on our baby". Although he has put me through the ringer this past year I cannot help but still love him. I think he still has feelings for me but I also think he is bitter and resentful towards me for keeping our child. He is only 23 and I am currently 27 so I am hoping this is his immaturity phase, but I don't know. I am unable to perform the no contact rule since he calls me everyday in regards to our child, but our conversations do remain pretty short. What do you recommend?
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up a year and a half ago after a two year relationship. He became distance after I had gotten pregnant and he said he was simply not ready for a baby. We remained intimate off and on over the course of a year. However, about 4 months ago I decided I no longer wanted to be intimate since my feelings for him continued to grow and I felt like I was only hurting myself. Since then I feel like he has been dating someone else but when he comes over to visit our 5mth old baby he seems to still flirt with me. Also, he has slipped multiple times and called me at 2am after drinking with his friends claiming to "check up on our baby". Although he has put me through the ringer this past year I cannot help but still love him. I think he still has feelings for me but I also think he is bitter and resentful towards me for keeping our child. He is only 23 and I am currently 27 so I am hoping this is his immaturity phase, but I don't know. I am unable to perform the no contact rule since he calls me everyday in regards to our child, but our conversations do remain pretty short. What do you recommend?
Hey T,
She definitely still has emotions for you and she is somehow hoping for you to change and be someone she can start a relationship with, just so she doesn't have to move on. It's a hard thing to get over a breakup. She is confused and is angry that she can't move on from you. I guess you just need to stay away from her for a while and when you contact her again, don't treat her like you have a past with her or that she owes you anything at all. Treat her like she is a girl you want to start a NEW RELATIONSHIP with. Treat her like she has already moved on and so have you.
Hi kevin,
Me and my ex broke up 9 days ago after 6 years together. I made some horrible mistakes and she finally had enough. But we are both fighting to stay sober and go to the same aa meetings. What do I do if I run into her at one of these meetings?
Hey Nick,
Just be pleasant and don't talk about anything personal. Just treat her like an old acquaintance you are in good terms with. If she avoids you, don't try to go over to her and talk to her. If she avoids talking to you, you avoid talking to her. IF she talks to you, you be cordial and friendly but don't talk to her for more than 5 minutes at a time.
Hey Nick,
Just be pleasant and don't talk about anything personal. Just treat her like an old acquaintance you are in good terms with. If she avoids you, don't try to go over to her and talk to her. If she avoids talking to you, you avoid talking to her. IF she talks to you, you be cordial and friendly but don't talk to her for more than 5 minutes at a time.
hey kevin
about a month ago, my ex and i broke up after a year. he has entered a new relationship. i was always the needy and clingy girl doing all the things youve said not to do. crying, begging, continuous text messages, trying to "bump into him" while hes trying to avoid seeing me. He tells everyone he never loved me. He texts me from time to time picking for something to argue and downtalk me about. Whenever he gets in contact with me he tells me how perfect his new girlfriend is and it makes me feel horrible. i was very happy with him and for some reason still havent lost hope. He makes sure that we are not in contact nor do we run into eachother. What should i do? is there hope? by the way, he lives across the sidewalk from me but i never see him at home because rumor is he lives with his new girlfriend!!
Hey Jessica,
Yes there is hope. I think he still has feelings for you which makes him confused and angry, hence the arguing and trying to make you jealous. If I had to guess, I'll say he is young and pretty immature. The best thing you can do about this situation is be mature and calm about everything. Just follow the plan and don't answer his texts or calls for a month and then take it from there.
Hey,
I broke up with my ex about two months ago and she was heartbroken- she begged a bit, tried to meet up with me, and I felt terrible and held my grounds. My reasons were stupid and simply for space. We dated a little over two years, lived together, and had a serious bond. After about a month without her and not hearing with her, I started to really miss her. One day I found out she is dating someone with similar interests, who is definitely not her type and I freaked out. Called her a few times, emailed, and she called me back with a serious deal of confidence in her voice- basically very angry and hurt. she cried and told me that she could never trust me again. I sent her flowers the following week that simply said "thinking about you" she drunk dialed me that might and let her guard down for two seconds until I spilled my heart out- she then shut down, became defensive, and wanted nothing to do with me. I've been doing the no contact thing for over 2 weeks, and plan to mail her a letter in a few more weeks. I feel like she is trying to put me through the same pain, and thinks I am doing this for the wrong reasons, which I'm not. Any advice?
Thanks,
Joe
Hey Joe,
To be honest, even I think you are doing this for the wrong reason. You decided to breakup with her and when you realized that she is moving on, you want her back. It's a classic case of "not wanting to lose an ex" rather than "I think me and my ex will have a great relationship together". But I might be wrong. So my advice is to follow the no contact rule and think real hard if you are doing it for the wrong reason and whether or not you can really commit to her. If not, let her go.
Hey Kevin,
I'm about a week away from the no contact period ending.. I will probably wait a little longer than 30 days. My ex is pretty angry with me and is dating someone else, like I said. I do plan to reach out soon, but something came up. She just lost a very close family member and I feel like I have to send my condolences- I thought of sending a simple card, or shooting an email- any advice? I just feel like ignoring it for my own reasons would be very selfish. Please let me know! Thank you.
Joe
Kevin,
I appreciate the advice- this is basically what I've been doing. I've changed my daily routines and have analyzed our differences and reasons for splitting. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 weeks, and wonder if she's over me. She told
Me last time we spoke that she could never trust me again, I guess I can't blame her completely for having that view. But people do make mistakes. I truly think we can make things work for the better with compromise and starting fresh- taking baby steps. I plan to mail her a letter which will say what you had advised, let her know that I understand her moving on, as I will be doing the same. I also want to remind her of the good times- because whether it works out or not, I want her to look back on our relationship with a smile (not sure about texting). Any advice would be helpful, and I really appreciate it!
Joe
Sounds good. Texting is helpful in my experience to build attraction and remind her of the good times. You can do it subtly with texting. But in the end, you know her better than anyone so it's your call.
Sounds good. Texting is helpful in my experience to build attraction and remind her of the good times. You can do it subtly with texting. But in the end, you know her better than anyone so it's your call.
Sounds good. Texting is helpful in my experience to build attraction and remind her of the good times. You can do it subtly with texting. But in the end, you know her better than anyone so it's your call.
Sounds good. Texting is helpful in my experience to build attraction and remind her of the good times. You can do it subtly with texting. But in the end, you know her better than anyone so it's your call.
Sounds good. Texting is helpful in my experience to build attraction and remind her of the good times. You can do it subtly with texting. But in the end, you know her better than anyone so it's your call.
Sounds good. Texting is helpful in my experience to build attraction and remind her of the good times. You can do it subtly with texting. But in the end, you know her better than anyone so it's your call.
Hey Kevin,
I'm about a week away from the no contact period ending.. I will probably wait a little longer than 30 days. My ex is pretty angry with me and is dating someone else, like I said. I do plan to reach out soon, but something came up. She just lost a very close family member and I feel like I have to send my condolences- I thought of sending a simple card, or shooting an email- any advice? I just feel like ignoring it for my own reasons would be very selfish. Please let me know! Thank you.
Joe
Kevin,
I appreciate the advice- this is basically what I've been doing. I've changed my daily routines and have analyzed our differences and reasons for splitting. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 weeks, and wonder if she's over me. She told
Me last time we spoke that she could never trust me again, I guess I can't blame her completely for having that view. But people do make mistakes. I truly think we can make things work for the better with compromise and starting fresh- taking baby steps. I plan to mail her a letter which will say what you had advised, let her know that I understand her moving on, as I will be doing the same. I also want to remind her of the good times- because whether it works out or not, I want her to look back on our relationship with a smile (not sure about texting). Any advice would be helpful, and I really appreciate it!
Joe
Hey Kevin,
I'm about a week away from the no contact period ending.. I will probably wait a little longer than 30 days. My ex is pretty angry with me and is dating someone else, like I said. I do plan to reach out soon, but something came up. She just lost a very close family member and I feel like I have to send my condolences- I thought of sending a simple card, or shooting an email- any advice? I just feel like ignoring it for my own reasons would be very selfish. Please let me know! Thank you.
Joe
Kevin,
I appreciate the advice- this is basically what I've been doing. I've changed my daily routines and have analyzed our differences and reasons for splitting. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 weeks, and wonder if she's over me. She told
Me last time we spoke that she could never trust me again, I guess I can't blame her completely for having that view. But people do make mistakes. I truly think we can make things work for the better with compromise and starting fresh- taking baby steps. I plan to mail her a letter which will say what you had advised, let her know that I understand her moving on, as I will be doing the same. I also want to remind her of the good times- because whether it works out or not, I want her to look back on our relationship with a smile (not sure about texting). Any advice would be helpful, and I really appreciate it!
Joe
Hey Kevin,
I'm about a week away from the no contact period ending.. I will probably wait a little longer than 30 days. My ex is pretty angry with me and is dating someone else, like I said. I do plan to reach out soon, but something came up. She just lost a very close family member and I feel like I have to send my condolences- I thought of sending a simple card, or shooting an email- any advice? I just feel like ignoring it for my own reasons would be very selfish. Please let me know! Thank you.
Joe
Kevin,
I appreciate the advice- this is basically what I've been doing. I've changed my daily routines and have analyzed our differences and reasons for splitting. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 weeks, and wonder if she's over me. She told
Me last time we spoke that she could never trust me again, I guess I can't blame her completely for having that view. But people do make mistakes. I truly think we can make things work for the better with compromise and starting fresh- taking baby steps. I plan to mail her a letter which will say what you had advised, let her know that I understand her moving on, as I will be doing the same. I also want to remind her of the good times- because whether it works out or not, I want her to look back on our relationship with a smile (not sure about texting). Any advice would be helpful, and I really appreciate it!
Joe
Hey Kevin,
I'm about a week away from the no contact period ending.. I will probably wait a little longer than 30 days. My ex is pretty angry with me and is dating someone else, like I said. I do plan to reach out soon, but something came up. She just lost a very close family member and I feel like I have to send my condolences- I thought of sending a simple card, or shooting an email- any advice? I just feel like ignoring it for my own reasons would be very selfish. Please let me know! Thank you.
Joe
Kevin,
I appreciate the advice- this is basically what I've been doing. I've changed my daily routines and have analyzed our differences and reasons for splitting. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 weeks, and wonder if she's over me. She told
Me last time we spoke that she could never trust me again, I guess I can't blame her completely for having that view. But people do make mistakes. I truly think we can make things work for the better with compromise and starting fresh- taking baby steps. I plan to mail her a letter which will say what you had advised, let her know that I understand her moving on, as I will be doing the same. I also want to remind her of the good times- because whether it works out or not, I want her to look back on our relationship with a smile (not sure about texting). Any advice would be helpful, and I really appreciate it!
Joe
Hey Joe,
To be honest, even I think you are doing this for the wrong reason. You decided to breakup with her and when you realized that she is moving on, you want her back. It's a classic case of "not wanting to lose an ex" rather than "I think me and my ex will have a great relationship together". But I might be wrong. So my advice is to follow the no contact rule and think real hard if you are doing it for the wrong reason and whether or not you can really commit to her. If not, let her go.
Hey Joe,
To be honest, even I think you are doing this for the wrong reason. You decided to breakup with her and when you realized that she is moving on, you want her back. It's a classic case of "not wanting to lose an ex" rather than "I think me and my ex will have a great relationship together". But I might be wrong. So my advice is to follow the no contact rule and think real hard if you are doing it for the wrong reason and whether or not you can really commit to her. If not, let her go.
Hey Joe,
To be honest, even I think you are doing this for the wrong reason. You decided to breakup with her and when you realized that she is moving on, you want her back. It's a classic case of "not wanting to lose an ex" rather than "I think me and my ex will have a great relationship together". But I might be wrong. So my advice is to follow the no contact rule and think real hard if you are doing it for the wrong reason and whether or not you can really commit to her. If not, let her go.
Hey,
I broke up with my ex about two months ago and she was heartbroken- she begged a bit, tried to meet up with me, and I felt terrible and held my grounds. My reasons were stupid and simply for space. We dated a little over two years, lived together, and had a serious bond. After about a month without her and not hearing with her, I started to really miss her. One day I found out she is dating someone with similar interests, who is definitely not her type and I freaked out. Called her a few times, emailed, and she called me back with a serious deal of confidence in her voice- basically very angry and hurt. she cried and told me that she could never trust me again. I sent her flowers the following week that simply said "thinking about you" she drunk dialed me that might and let her guard down for two seconds until I spilled my heart out- she then shut down, became defensive, and wanted nothing to do with me. I've been doing the no contact thing for over 2 weeks, and plan to mail her a letter in a few more weeks. I feel like she is trying to put me through the same pain, and thinks I am doing this for the wrong reasons, which I'm not. Any advice?
Thanks,
Joe
Hey,
I broke up with my ex about two months ago and she was heartbroken- she begged a bit, tried to meet up with me, and I felt terrible and held my grounds. My reasons were stupid and simply for space. We dated a little over two years, lived together, and had a serious bond. After about a month without her and not hearing with her, I started to really miss her. One day I found out she is dating someone with similar interests, who is definitely not her type and I freaked out. Called her a few times, emailed, and she called me back with a serious deal of confidence in her voice- basically very angry and hurt. she cried and told me that she could never trust me again. I sent her flowers the following week that simply said "thinking about you" she drunk dialed me that might and let her guard down for two seconds until I spilled my heart out- she then shut down, became defensive, and wanted nothing to do with me. I've been doing the no contact thing for over 2 weeks, and plan to mail her a letter in a few more weeks. I feel like she is trying to put me through the same pain, and thinks I am doing this for the wrong reasons, which I'm not. Any advice?
Thanks,
Joe
Hey Jessica,
Yes there is hope. I think he still has feelings for you which makes him confused and angry, hence the arguing and trying to make you jealous. If I had to guess, I'll say he is young and pretty immature. The best thing you can do about this situation is be mature and calm about everything. Just follow the plan and don't answer his texts or calls for a month and then take it from there.
Hey,
Me and my ex broke up in November and I did everything wrong, she asked me to stop texting her and calling. That I had issues and she also did and we just needed to fix them. Then maybe in the future we can get back together. She has done this many times and I thought it was just like the others. I moved out and everything was cool. We would text back and fourth nothing serious just talking. Well one day she called and asked me to come back and I said no(idk why). I told her I was trying to fix my issues so when I come back. I would be the man she met and fell in love with. Well after that she grew this hate for me. She told me that all communications need to stop and to go find myself. Well at first I was confused but when we didn't respond I did a lot of dumb stuff. The following week she got a bf and I think moved him in. I asked her about it and she said it's none of my business and I need to move on. Well I got real Desperate and I just couldn't stop, her sister husband invited me to a cook out and I went only on the condition that she wouldn't be there. She showed up with him and her sister told her that it's too soon and that I can stay and she needs to leave. Let's just say the hate grew. She called me as soon as she left and I had to hang up the phone. Then the I hate you text and stay away I don't ever wanna run into you again. I tried bro but I couldn't stop texting her and when I would go days she would text me just some hateful stuff. She would send me pics of her hugged up on guys that wasn't her bf. nothing nasty. I still wasn't hateful or anything. I was still texting her but no response. Then I did something that I wish I never did.
She hates meth with a passion. Well I had a problem with it and that's what I was fixing, I've been clean ever since I moved out. That's why we split cuz of the severe depression and mood swings it causes. I was doing it behind her back. Well I told her if she ever wanted to know why we had problems to ask and I will tell her. Well no response at first until 3 am she asked me. And I told her, I'm not sure what I thought was gonna happen but she freaked out. Said that I don't deserve any chances and that I was a junkie. When I died she would rejoice cuz the world would be better without a piece of shit like me in it. You see even though I had a problem, I was still a good man. Took care of her kids and mine and everything else. Her family loves me and just couldn't believe it. The drug only effected me and her relationship, I was near perfect with everything else. Well anyways back to the subject, on Christmas I kinda freaked out and email her on fb. A lot actually, so she started posting pics of them two and that's the last time we talked. She blocked me. Is there any hope for this relationship. We both think that we are meant for each other. Her love is the best I ever felt and she said that she has never loved someone like the way she loves me. Did I totally f this up or can I save it
Hey Frank,
Sorry you are in this situation, but I think there is hope. Of course, I can't guarantee you anything. But the best thing you can do right now is apply NC for a while (30 or 60 days) and then contact her again using one of the text messages in the article. The fact that she hates you is not a bad sign. In fact, it just means that she still has feelings for you and probably still loves you. With time, her anger will subside. And the you should contact her. Also, kudos on being clean. All the best!
Kevin,
I had been going with my first love for 14 months. In the 14 months , 8 months were spent in a long distance relationship. It was very difficult specifically because the relationship was kept a secret from her parents. The screcy for the first half hear was fine but after time it caused so much problems. Although she's 22 and im 21 she always convinced me that the relationship had to be kept a secret until we graduated in 2 years.
Three weeks ago I became fed up with the secret and flew 1000 miles to Paris to notify her parents on who I really was, that I love her and I wanted them to accept me. And for them to understand that she's an adult now. I told my ex what I was going to do and she broke up with me before I even went to the airport to fly away. She didn't even try to convince me that I couldn't tell her parents but how legitimate it was that she was breaking up with me. It was an ultimatum that I chose because I didn't want to be kept a secret and I wanted to build the relationship.
Nearly three weeks have passed, but she did contact me when I came back from Paris. I tried to keep the 'no contact' going for longer but I replied to her texts which just ended up in more arguments... Even though I did what I did and there is no going back. Do you see any wrong in doing what I did because apparently " she can't forgive me for it". I believe what I did showed commitment and courage even though I'm still young (21). Do you think there is any progression from here or I should just leave it by for my own good?
Do you know her reasons for wanting to keep it a secret? Did she explain it to you after that? I think there might be more into it than you might think. If she's still unwilling to explain her reasons, it's best to move on.
Do you know her reasons for wanting to keep it a secret? Did she explain it to you after that? I think there might be more into it than you might think. If she's still unwilling to explain her reasons, it's best to move on.
Do you know her reasons for wanting to keep it a secret? Did she explain it to you after that? I think there might be more into it than you might think. If she's still unwilling to explain her reasons, it's best to move on.
Do you know her reasons for wanting to keep it a secret? Did she explain it to you after that? I think there might be more into it than you might think. If she's still unwilling to explain her reasons, it's best to move on.
Kevin,
I had been going with my first love for 14 months. In the 14 months , 8 months were spent in a long distance relationship. It was very difficult specifically because the relationship was kept a secret from her parents. The screcy for the first half hear was fine but after time it caused so much problems. Although she's 22 and im 21 she always convinced me that the relationship had to be kept a secret until we graduated in 2 years.
Three weeks ago I became fed up with the secret and flew 1000 miles to Paris to notify her parents on who I really was, that I love her and I wanted them to accept me. And for them to understand that she's an adult now. I told my ex what I was going to do and she broke up with me before I even went to the airport to fly away. She didn't even try to convince me that I couldn't tell her parents but how legitimate it was that she was breaking up with me. It was an ultimatum that I chose because I didn't want to be kept a secret and I wanted to build the relationship.
Nearly three weeks have passed, but she did contact me when I came back from Paris. I tried to keep the 'no contact' going for longer but I replied to her texts which just ended up in more arguments... Even though I did what I did and there is no going back. Do you see any wrong in doing what I did because apparently " she can't forgive me for it". I believe what I did showed commitment and courage even though I'm still young (21). Do you think there is any progression from here or I should just leave it by for my own good?
Kevin,
I had been going with my first love for 14 months. In the 14 months , 8 months were spent in a long distance relationship. It was very difficult specifically because the relationship was kept a secret from her parents. The screcy for the first half hear was fine but after time it caused so much problems. Although she's 22 and im 21 she always convinced me that the relationship had to be kept a secret until we graduated in 2 years.
Three weeks ago I became fed up with the secret and flew 1000 miles to Paris to notify her parents on who I really was, that I love her and I wanted them to accept me. And for them to understand that she's an adult now. I told my ex what I was going to do and she broke up with me before I even went to the airport to fly away. She didn't even try to convince me that I couldn't tell her parents but how legitimate it was that she was breaking up with me. It was an ultimatum that I chose because I didn't want to be kept a secret and I wanted to build the relationship.
Nearly three weeks have passed, but she did contact me when I came back from Paris. I tried to keep the 'no contact' going for longer but I replied to her texts which just ended up in more arguments... Even though I did what I did and there is no going back. Do you see any wrong in doing what I did because apparently " she can't forgive me for it". I believe what I did showed commitment and courage even though I'm still young (21). Do you think there is any progression from here or I should just leave it by for my own good?
Hey Frank,
Sorry you are in this situation, but I think there is hope. Of course, I can't guarantee you anything. But the best thing you can do right now is apply NC for a while (30 or 60 days) and then contact her again using one of the text messages in the article. The fact that she hates you is not a bad sign. In fact, it just means that she still has feelings for you and probably still loves you. With time, her anger will subside. And the you should contact her. Also, kudos on being clean. All the best!
Hey,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost two months ago. We dated for two years and he ended it because I was his first girlfriend and he "wonders what else is out there." He says that if he feels like he's supposed to be with me in the future, he'll come back. But he NEEDS to be with another girl first. I can't stand the thought of that. For the first few weeks we texted non stop. I panicked, a begged, I came up with everything I could to try and get him back. But eventually he just started ignoring me. Now that it's been a couple months, we only talk here and there. Like he texted me Merry Christmas and little stuff like that. I ran into him at a party and we just hung out like acquaintances but we stared at each other a lot. When he left, we talked and laughed a little about the awkward situation and then he hugged me goodbye. That made me tear up a little and he noticed.. He asked if I was okay, and then left. He then texted me and apologized for hugging me and said that it was too much.. We talked a little about that night and I stopped replying. It's been almost two weeks since the party and now there is a New Years party with the same mutual friends tonight. I don't know what to do. Is there hope for us? How do I go about this?
Hey Jen,
Sorry I couldn't get back to you in time. I hope things went well. Anyways, he has what is usually known as GIGS (Grass is greener syndrome). To be honest, I think you should just let him have his adventure and realize on his own whether or not he wants to come back. You should follow the plan, but make sure you never force him to get back together. And make sure it's his idea to get back together.
If you want to have a long and healthy relationship with him, then he needs to be absolutely sure that he wants you and only you. If he constantly keeps wondering what other girls are like, you will never have him 100%. This might be a blessing in disguise. If he comes back, you know you have him 100%. If he doesn't, then it's for the best and you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Jen,
Sorry I couldn't get back to you in time. I hope things went well. Anyways, he has what is usually known as GIGS (Grass is greener syndrome). To be honest, I think you should just let him have his adventure and realize on his own whether or not he wants to come back. You should follow the plan, but make sure you never force him to get back together. And make sure it's his idea to get back together.
If you want to have a long and healthy relationship with him, then he needs to be absolutely sure that he wants you and only you. If he constantly keeps wondering what other girls are like, you will never have him 100%. This might be a blessing in disguise. If he comes back, you know you have him 100%. If he doesn't, then it's for the best and you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey, Me and my boyfriend have been broken up for about 2 weeks. He broke up with me. He still kinda calls because he still wants to be friends but he wants to have sex as well. The strange thing is he act s like he cares. For example, he will ask if I had any guys over and give me rules. Also he said we should have sex until we get boyfriends/girlfriends but I want him and I would feel used doing this. Please help thanks.
Hey Jessica,
So he broke up with you but he still has you. He doesn't want you to have any guys and gives you rule because he is treating you as his property, not as someone he loves and wants to spend his life with. Cut contact with him. Concentrate on yourself. Start dating other guys. And DO NOT sleep with him unless he commits.
Hey Jessica,
So he broke up with you but he still has you. He doesn't want you to have any guys and gives you rule because he is treating you as his property, not as someone he loves and wants to spend his life with. Cut contact with him. Concentrate on yourself. Start dating other guys. And DO NOT sleep with him unless he commits.
Hi Kevin-
So here are a few key facts about my situation right now:
• My ex and I were best friends before we started going out, but I wasn't honest with myself and didn't love him for the first two months of it. It was toxic.
• I had so many flaws within the relationship and my mistakes ruined it. I had every mistake you could think of. Not showing love, putting other people's opinions in front of his, lying, being too clingy, TERRIBLE AWFUL breakup that took over two months and therapy.
• When it officially ended in November, it was about 4 hours of terrible, then us agreeing to be friends. The next day him, me and our best friend went to an open mic like old platonic times.
• I was fine and completely moved on until he told me that he went on a date with one of our friends but didn't call it that and weren't talking about it with anyone. I knew who it was then, but didn't want to believe it. Regardless, I went into no contact.
• I haven't talked to him since, and within that time period, I've ignored small favors he's asked me, two "are you angry at me?"'s then one message about him wondering why I randomly cut him out and if we could talk about why I'm mad at him. Then 24 hours later a sarcastic "good talk".
• I've seen some subconscious signs but that might just be my stupid brain. He posted a video of one big song a bunch of our friends performed back in early september. (Ironically his new girlfriend is in it too) He posted a video of the song we played together when we first met as played on by trombones. And in the same day he texted if I was mad at him, he sent selfie videos of himself to a group chat with me and our best friend of songs that the three of us would sing together.
• Tonight, I found out that he started going out with the girl he went on a discrete date with officially. I'm kind of down now about it. She was the confidant of his throughout our entire relationship and the downfall of it. She was his closest female friend.
But yeah anyways, I've come so far only to be brought down by this major obstacle. My relationship with him was terrible, but the few moments I remember that were great were really great. I know now that I can be the great girlfriend that he always wanted and is hoping to get out of this new girl, and it kills me to see that this is going to happen. Any words of encouragement or helpful advice?
Hey Catilin,
You should apply NC for a while and see how things go. I think you still have hope, but don't let this hope turn into an obsession (which happens far too often in such cases). Have realistic expectations. Follow the plan. Hopefully, he will come back to you and you will have a great relationship together.
Hey Catilin,
You should apply NC for a while and see how things go. I think you still have hope, but don't let this hope turn into an obsession (which happens far too often in such cases). Have realistic expectations. Follow the plan. Hopefully, he will come back to you and you will have a great relationship together.
Hey Kevin,
My girlfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. We had been together for three and a half years. I will try your 5 step plan. Since both of our birthdays are during the next month (during the No Contact period), I was wondering what should I do if she texts me or calls me during mine, and what should I do when it is hers? My birthday is next week and hers is almost at the end of the NC period. Thank you for your time.
If she calls you, answer her call. But keep the conversation short and end it within 2-3 minutes. Just tell her you are busy and you have to go. Don't make any plans for calling in the future like "I'll call you back" or "Call me back after an hour". If she texts you, you can reply to her message with a simple thank you, nothing more.
As for her birthday, it's your call. If you choose to contact her, I'll suggest just a text. No phone calls.
If she calls you, answer her call. But keep the conversation short and end it within 2-3 minutes. Just tell her you are busy and you have to go. Don't make any plans for calling in the future like "I'll call you back" or "Call me back after an hour". If she texts you, you can reply to her message with a simple thank you, nothing more.
As for her birthday, it's your call. If you choose to contact her, I'll suggest just a text. No phone calls.
I didn't break up with my bf but i really want to .I love this man and he broke my heart .i cry i try talking to him about us but he is selfish .and that really turning me away.
Hey Valerie,
I know how heartbreaking it is to be in your situation. If he is not making any effort to make the relationship work, then you should break up with him.
Hey Valerie,
I know how heartbreaking it is to be in your situation. If he is not making any effort to make the relationship work, then you should break up with him.
Great information and advice here. I'm currently doing the no contact rule for the next 30 days, which will end around her Birthday, would it be ok to send her Bday flowers, platonically?
Sam, Birthday flowers are a little too much. If you absolutely must contact her, Just a text message wishing her happy birthday should be enough.
Sam, Birthday flowers are a little too much. If you absolutely must contact her, Just a text message wishing her happy birthday should be enough.
Very informative. Well written.
I am on day 2 of no contact, and everything that was mentioned, I can relate to. My ex has called me 4 times and sent 2 long, extremely long, text messages. I must admit I was tempted to respond but didn't. I started back the gym and I'm feeling good. When I get home I am usually so exhausted, my nights are made up of snores and not tears.
Hurts like hell, but I know that I have to follow through in order to heal.
Thanks again for your article...
Thanks for your comment Mia. I am glad the article helped.
Thanks for your comment Mia. I am glad the article helped.
Thank you for the great advice. I have plans to go out of town this month and next month with my ex prior to our break up. We broke up this past Sunday because my body is having major trouble handling alcohol and we have been looking into it as we think it may be a more serious underlying issue since I rarely drink...but when I do it can be bad, I had tests done yesterday. We went out for the night Sat because he planned it and even though I paced myself slowly I blacked out when we got back to his place and apparently had a really rough night yelling at him and his friend not to touch me, told him that I hated him, threw up in his bed and he stayed up watching me to make sure I was breathing (I only drank a few beers to show you how bad my tolerance is and this is the worst its ever been). Nothing I had any intentions or any knowledge of doing. He also knows I didn't want to go out. I believe 100 percent in the no contact rule and although I did talk to him Sunday, not Monday but we talked about my Drs Visit on Tuesday he was very cold and all he could do is bring up the negative. I kind of go a step further as I will never contact an ex after the first couple days unless they contact me and when I did contact him I did not sound needy and I did not mention the trips we have planned. Im a little upset myself that he wouldn't support me through this, I am far from an alcoholic I have just had some past medical issues that could be tied into this problem. If I drink it is only because he is pouring me a glass or buying me a beer. So I removed his numbers, email and pics from my phone as I don't want to get weak. I told him Im never drinking again and this is true and he said after what he saw it scared him so bad he is never drinking again and as much as he likes me he cannot handle the falling down belligerence, etc. So I replied that I do not think that us drinking twice a month should label me as anything and if it was in reverse I would support him and help him maintain a healthy lifestyle. You are correct with all he is thinking about is the negativity associated with the breakup.
So the clincher is the trip at the end of the month is my Christimas present, the trip next month we booked 2 days before the breakup. If he contacts me about going I'm going to have to make contact with him. Would this be ok? If not I am fully prepared to never make contact. I think if it is meant to be he will come back. He is wealthy and good looking and can have anyone he wants but that isn't what he wants and he is used to everyone crying over him and texting him forever but its really not my style. If I was really as different as he said I was he will want to help me through this and be by my side. I may be wrong and feel free to let me know
Thanks so much!
You are absolutely right and I love your attitude towards your breakup. If he asks you to go on the trip with him, then it's pretty clear that he is thinking about getting back together. I'd say go with him. If you want, you can ask him about his intentions before agreeing to go with him.
Thank You for the advice!
Thank You for the advice!
Thank You for the advice!
You are absolutely right and I love your attitude towards your breakup. If he asks you to go on the trip with him, then it's pretty clear that he is thinking about getting back together. I'd say go with him. If you want, you can ask him about his intentions before agreeing to go with him.
Hi kev,
I have been split up with my ex for about 5 months now, after being together for 6 months. When we broke up I tried the no contact for a few weeks but she contacted me asking to give some that I left over at hers.This is when I started doing most of the mistakes mentioned. Basically trying to hard, with a txts, gifts ect.
We have been in contact over Christmas and new year, just wishing each the best for each occasion. But she has just started to see someone else now, and it's like we a distant memory now. Is there any hope left, or should I give up?
P.s it's also my birthday in the next few weeks, if I start the no contact for 30 days do I ignore her if she txts me happy birthday?
Yes there is hope. It's quite possible she is in a rebound. I say follow the plan once and see if it works. If not, move on.
As for the text. If you reply, just make sure you limit yourself to a simple thank you.
Yes there is hope. It's quite possible she is in a rebound. I say follow the plan once and see if it works. If not, move on.
As for the text. If you reply, just make sure you limit yourself to a simple thank you.
My ex and I broke up almost a month ago. I did wrong things but he blamed me for everything turns out he is "in love" with a younger girl and wanted to be with her. We still live together bc I can not afford to move out and we have a dog together. I haven't been contacting him bc he has been staying with her. She came over to our apartment the other day and sprayed her perfume all over the bed, pillows, and my clothes... I think they wanted a reaction and I didn't give them one or even contact him.. but he saw I washed the sheets. I miss him and want to be with him... what should I do?
Hey Allyssa,
Sorry you are in this situation. What she did was pretty immature and very disrespectful. I am glad you didn't give them a reaction that they wanted. It's a very hard situation because you are living together. If it's at all possible, move out of the house. Don't stay in hopes that he will come back to you because you are staying in the house. Your chances of getting back together will increase if you find your own place.
It's possible that he is in a rebound. But I will suggest that you stay away from him for a few months on concentrate on yourself. I know it's hard to do when you are living together, but it's still possible. Start living your life and start working on your happiness. Treat him like he is a roommate that you are stuck with. Be polite and don't expect anything from him that you wouldn't from a roommate. If there is a spare bedroom use it. If not, make a place for yourself to sleep. Do not sleep with him.
It's a tough situation but you can still manage to apply no contact (or limited contact in your case) and work on your happiness.
Hey Kevin.
Thank you for that. It is very hard. It all started because I planned a trip home for the holidays bc I wanted to see my family. I moved to Florida with him and I have no one here. I feel betrayed, tossed to the curb, and replaced by a girl who knows he broke up with me to be with her. He asked me why I didn't say the stuff she says to him.. Shes 20..im 26 and I have started my career. He is still a server and works really hard but I could care less. During my trip home, she was over at our apartment the whole time. I broke into his phone and found a naked picture of her in our bed. I didn't contact him, freak out, or even mention it until the day he picked me up at the airport and was telling me he missed me and blah blah. He's been staying with her all week and ive been going out and doing my own thing. I had to text him today a quick text just saying " Hey I wont be home tonight please take care of the dog" and that's it. My friends say I better never get back with him after everything he has put me threw. Am I doing the right thing by not reacting to her immaturity? Am I doing the right thing by not throwing a fit? I did cry, and beg, and all of that the first few weeks. I became pale, and sick, and really skinny. He made it a point to tell me I wasn't looking good. I don't know if its a rebound because he was seeing her before we broke up and now they are saying 'I love you" after a month and his family knows about her. I am doing my best to find a place to live and to move on but I am afraid I am being weak because I haven't yelled or put my foot down about being disrespected by her coming over to our apartment.
In my opinion, it's not a weakness to stay calm and in control of yourself. Yelling and throwing a fit on the other hand is a sign of weakness. So, yes you are doing the right thing by not reacting to her immaturity. I think you are handling it very well.
Thank you for everything Kevin! One last question, do you think he will come back or I can get him to come back?
Like I mentioned in the article, I can't say for sure. But yes, I think there is a chance he will realize what he has lost and come back. You have hope, but you need to remember that no matter what happens, you should put your happiness before him. If trying to get him back is keeping you unhappy and obsessed about him, then you should give up and try to move on.
Like I mentioned in the article, I can't say for sure. But yes, I think there is a chance he will realize what he has lost and come back. You have hope, but you need to remember that no matter what happens, you should put your happiness before him. If trying to get him back is keeping you unhappy and obsessed about him, then you should give up and try to move on.
Like I mentioned in the article, I can't say for sure. But yes, I think there is a chance he will realize what he has lost and come back. You have hope, but you need to remember that no matter what happens, you should put your happiness before him. If trying to get him back is keeping you unhappy and obsessed about him, then you should give up and try to move on.
Like I mentioned in the article, I can't say for sure. But yes, I think there is a chance he will realize what he has lost and come back. You have hope, but you need to remember that no matter what happens, you should put your happiness before him. If trying to get him back is keeping you unhappy and obsessed about him, then you should give up and try to move on.
Like I mentioned in the article, I can't say for sure. But yes, I think there is a chance he will realize what he has lost and come back. You have hope, but you need to remember that no matter what happens, you should put your happiness before him. If trying to get him back is keeping you unhappy and obsessed about him, then you should give up and try to move on.
Like I mentioned in the article, I can't say for sure. But yes, I think there is a chance he will realize what he has lost and come back. You have hope, but you need to remember that no matter what happens, you should put your happiness before him. If trying to get him back is keeping you unhappy and obsessed about him, then you should give up and try to move on.
Thank you for everything Kevin! One last question, do you think he will come back or I can get him to come back?
Thank you for everything Kevin! One last question, do you think he will come back or I can get him to come back?
Thank you for everything Kevin! One last question, do you think he will come back or I can get him to come back?
Thank you for everything Kevin! One last question, do you think he will come back or I can get him to come back?
In my opinion, it's not a weakness to stay calm and in control of yourself. Yelling and throwing a fit on the other hand is a sign of weakness. So, yes you are doing the right thing by not reacting to her immaturity. I think you are handling it very well.
In my opinion, it's not a weakness to stay calm and in control of yourself. Yelling and throwing a fit on the other hand is a sign of weakness. So, yes you are doing the right thing by not reacting to her immaturity. I think you are handling it very well.
In my opinion, it's not a weakness to stay calm and in control of yourself. Yelling and throwing a fit on the other hand is a sign of weakness. So, yes you are doing the right thing by not reacting to her immaturity. I think you are handling it very well.
Hey Kevin.
Thank you for that. It is very hard. It all started because I planned a trip home for the holidays bc I wanted to see my family. I moved to Florida with him and I have no one here. I feel betrayed, tossed to the curb, and replaced by a girl who knows he broke up with me to be with her. He asked me why I didn't say the stuff she says to him.. Shes 20..im 26 and I have started my career. He is still a server and works really hard but I could care less. During my trip home, she was over at our apartment the whole time. I broke into his phone and found a naked picture of her in our bed. I didn't contact him, freak out, or even mention it until the day he picked me up at the airport and was telling me he missed me and blah blah. He's been staying with her all week and ive been going out and doing my own thing. I had to text him today a quick text just saying " Hey I wont be home tonight please take care of the dog" and that's it. My friends say I better never get back with him after everything he has put me threw. Am I doing the right thing by not reacting to her immaturity? Am I doing the right thing by not throwing a fit? I did cry, and beg, and all of that the first few weeks. I became pale, and sick, and really skinny. He made it a point to tell me I wasn't looking good. I don't know if its a rebound because he was seeing her before we broke up and now they are saying 'I love you" after a month and his family knows about her. I am doing my best to find a place to live and to move on but I am afraid I am being weak because I haven't yelled or put my foot down about being disrespected by her coming over to our apartment.
Hey Kevin.
Thank you for that. It is very hard. It all started because I planned a trip home for the holidays bc I wanted to see my family. I moved to Florida with him and I have no one here. I feel betrayed, tossed to the curb, and replaced by a girl who knows he broke up with me to be with her. He asked me why I didn't say the stuff she says to him.. Shes 20..im 26 and I have started my career. He is still a server and works really hard but I could care less. During my trip home, she was over at our apartment the whole time. I broke into his phone and found a naked picture of her in our bed. I didn't contact him, freak out, or even mention it until the day he picked me up at the airport and was telling me he missed me and blah blah. He's been staying with her all week and ive been going out and doing my own thing. I had to text him today a quick text just saying " Hey I wont be home tonight please take care of the dog" and that's it. My friends say I better never get back with him after everything he has put me threw. Am I doing the right thing by not reacting to her immaturity? Am I doing the right thing by not throwing a fit? I did cry, and beg, and all of that the first few weeks. I became pale, and sick, and really skinny. He made it a point to tell me I wasn't looking good. I don't know if its a rebound because he was seeing her before we broke up and now they are saying 'I love you" after a month and his family knows about her. I am doing my best to find a place to live and to move on but I am afraid I am being weak because I haven't yelled or put my foot down about being disrespected by her coming over to our apartment.
Hey Allyssa,
Sorry you are in this situation. What she did was pretty immature and very disrespectful. I am glad you didn't give them a reaction that they wanted. It's a very hard situation because you are living together. If it's at all possible, move out of the house. Don't stay in hopes that he will come back to you because you are staying in the house. Your chances of getting back together will increase if you find your own place.
It's possible that he is in a rebound. But I will suggest that you stay away from him for a few months on concentrate on yourself. I know it's hard to do when you are living together, but it's still possible. Start living your life and start working on your happiness. Treat him like he is a roommate that you are stuck with. Be polite and don't expect anything from him that you wouldn't from a roommate. If there is a spare bedroom use it. If not, make a place for yourself to sleep. Do not sleep with him.
It's a tough situation but you can still manage to apply no contact (or limited contact in your case) and work on your happiness.
My ex says she can't forget her first love. Though she can't date her due to many reasons, they both are really very close. Also, we're long distance, so that's another problem. She remains very confused all the time so as to what to do. We barely meet in 2-3 months once. Her life over there is quite exhausting too. We were having small but regular fights. She asked for a break. Then she had one small hookup over her place also, I got enraged and broke up. I want her back. But she says she wont get back, she doesn't feel for me now. At one point she said I was her everything, and now this. She said she gave herself a chance with me but it didn't work out. Out of desperation I told her I need her back and begged her. I know I shouldn't have. But, I think about her all the time. I walked out on her the last time we met. Initiating no contact now for 2-3 months now. What should I do?
It's good you initiated no contact. Stick to the plan and see how she responds. LDRs are tough but I've seen cases where people got back together despite being in a long distance relationship.
It's good you initiated no contact. Stick to the plan and see how she responds. LDRs are tough but I've seen cases where people got back together despite being in a long distance relationship.
My ex gf broke up with me almost two weeks ago. She said to me she wanted “time and space” and that she wanted no contact. Also not to wait around for her because she can’t guarantee anything as she is battling demons. However she did say she missed me. What’s your best advice here Kevin? I’m in a week of no contact since I last made contact also. Thanks
She needs time and space, so you give it to her. Let her face her demons alone. There's nothing you can do to help her unless she wants your help. Follow the plan and contact her after around 30-60 days.
She needs time and space, so you give it to her. Let her face her demons alone. There's nothing you can do to help her unless she wants your help. Follow the plan and contact her after around 30-60 days.
Hi Kevin,
Been receiving your emails and finding them very helpful with my healing process.
My ex and I broke up around 5 weeks ago and afterwards been in no contact for around 3 weeks. Then he messaged me to give me something back so he dropped it off at my work place last week and we saw each other. I did not try to initiate any conversations. He asked me how I was doing so I asked him back out of politeness. To be honest I felt a bit nervous when I saw him again. I am on the no contact with him again now and want to keep it that way until i'm comfortable seeing him / communicating with him again.
I have a question that's been bothering me. How do I tell whether I want my ex back romantically or whether I actually just want him back as a friend? Your wise advise would be much appreciated. Thanks!
Hey Angel. I am glad you are finding the email series helpful. As for your question, do you see a future with him as a romantic partner? Do you see him becoming a good husband, a good father, a good life partner? Do you think he'll be able to handle the challenges that life will throw at you both without bailing on you again? Ask yourself questions like these and give yourself time to find the answers. There's no hurry to find out what you want. That's the beauty of no contact. With time, you automatically realize what's best for you.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the quick reply. We had only been going out for 10 months. During these 10 months, we never argued, we were really compatible in terms of our background, education, believes (at least I thought we were). It felt like our relationship was very stable but just moving slow (again, I thought we were moving slowly coz he was very serious about us and he didn't want to rush into anything... but I guess I was wrong). And then all of a sudden out of the blue (again to me) he just broke up with me without even talking about things or trying. That broke my heart and I lost my trust in this person. So to be honest with you, at this very moment I don't see a future in us after what he did to me. He never tried. Never gave us a chance. And he said it in his own words that HE thinks we won't work out in the future and HE thinks he's not the right guy for me. Those words shattered all the hopes and dreams I had of our future. I miss him... but I don't know why... do I miss him as a friend or am I just suppressing my love for him as a romantic partner? I don't know... maybe this is what you have mentioned... I need more time to really figure things out?
Thanks for listening to me ramble =)
Sounds so similar to my situation hun. Anyway we could talk one to one ?? I was only dating someone but everything was fine.. Then a switch went in his head n that's been it for the last week. I'm doing the 30dag no contact and then I will contact him again but if he still dnt want nothing to do with me then that's his loss. How long since u hav not contacted him? X
Sounds so similar to my situation hun. Anyway we could talk one to one ?? I was only dating someone but everything was fine.. Then a switch went in his head n that's been it for the last week. I'm doing the 30dag no contact and then I will contact him again but if he still dnt want nothing to do with me then that's his loss. How long since u hav not contacted him? X
Sounds so similar to my situation hun. Anyway we could talk one to one ?? I was only dating someone but everything was fine.. Then a switch went in his head n that's been it for the last week. I'm doing the 30dag no contact and then I will contact him again but if he still dnt want nothing to do with me then that's his loss. How long since u hav not contacted him? X
Sounds so similar to my situation hun. Anyway we could talk one to one ?? I was only dating someone but everything was fine.. Then a switch went in his head n that's been it for the last week. I'm doing the 30dag no contact and then I will contact him again but if he still dnt want nothing to do with me then that's his loss. How long since u hav not contacted him? X
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the quick reply. We had only been going out for 10 months. During these 10 months, we never argued, we were really compatible in terms of our background, education, believes (at least I thought we were). It felt like our relationship was very stable but just moving slow (again, I thought we were moving slowly coz he was very serious about us and he didn't want to rush into anything... but I guess I was wrong). And then all of a sudden out of the blue (again to me) he just broke up with me without even talking about things or trying. That broke my heart and I lost my trust in this person. So to be honest with you, at this very moment I don't see a future in us after what he did to me. He never tried. Never gave us a chance. And he said it in his own words that HE thinks we won't work out in the future and HE thinks he's not the right guy for me. Those words shattered all the hopes and dreams I had of our future. I miss him... but I don't know why... do I miss him as a friend or am I just suppressing my love for him as a romantic partner? I don't know... maybe this is what you have mentioned... I need more time to really figure things out?
Thanks for listening to me ramble =)
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the quick reply. We had only been going out for 10 months. During these 10 months, we never argued, we were really compatible in terms of our background, education, believes (at least I thought we were). It felt like our relationship was very stable but just moving slow (again, I thought we were moving slowly coz he was very serious about us and he didn't want to rush into anything... but I guess I was wrong). And then all of a sudden out of the blue (again to me) he just broke up with me without even talking about things or trying. That broke my heart and I lost my trust in this person. So to be honest with you, at this very moment I don't see a future in us after what he did to me. He never tried. Never gave us a chance. And he said it in his own words that HE thinks we won't work out in the future and HE thinks he's not the right guy for me. Those words shattered all the hopes and dreams I had of our future. I miss him... but I don't know why... do I miss him as a friend or am I just suppressing my love for him as a romantic partner? I don't know... maybe this is what you have mentioned... I need more time to really figure things out?
Thanks for listening to me ramble =)
Hey Angel. I am glad you are finding the email series helpful. As for your question, do you see a future with him as a romantic partner? Do you see him becoming a good husband, a good father, a good life partner? Do you think he'll be able to handle the challenges that life will throw at you both without bailing on you again? Ask yourself questions like these and give yourself time to find the answers. There's no hurry to find out what you want. That's the beauty of no contact. With time, you automatically realize what's best for you.
Hi
We broke up a week ago after a 2 yr relationship, in one year I was pregnant twice and lost both babies late term and a month later I'm pregnant again, he says he wants time on his own and space which I understand but then tells me he can't see his life without me and that he can never say we will be in a relationship again! He just keeps saying he wants time on his own but can not physically block my number as he says it's too hard! He says that he always wants to be a part of the babies when they arrive (twins) ,.. I don't know if he is just messing with my mind or what he wants!! If I call or txt he always replies!!!
He is extremely confused about his feelings for you. You need to give him space and time and not contact him unless it's absolutely necessary. You can't rely on him to take care of the babies. You have to prepare yourself mentally to face the challenges of being a single parent. I hope he comes back and you two have a great life together, but you have to be practical when it comes to your babies.
Hey! So ive been dating my current ex boyfriend for 6 months and he broke it off with me because of my strong willed personality. He thought that I was never satisfied with him. He also felt like he was loosing himself in the relationship by not being able to keep up with his obsession with fitness and the gym. We met at the gym an fell for each other instantly. I begged him to take me back over the phone and through text messages. He responded by saying "it's over" "done." I am headed back to school in a few days and after begging him a few days ago I decide to call him today to see if I can see him one last time before I leave. I really want him back. Is there hope after all the begging?
Of course there's hope Benz. You just need to follow the plan. Don't insist on meeting him before leaving. IMO, it's better to meet him once you come back. Here's what I suggest you do. Apply no contact. Go to your school. Start building attraction using text messages. When you come back, ask to meet him. And hopefully, he will want to get back together.
Thanks a lot Kevin. He has already agreed to meet with me at Barnes and noble to play some chess. What do u suggest I do in this situation ? I'm more concerned with redeeming myself after the begging incident.
Go with him. Use this as an opportunity to show him you are not needy and desperate anymore. Just go and have fun. Be yourself and enjoy. Don't talk about getting back together.
Go with him. Use this as an opportunity to show him you are not needy and desperate anymore. Just go and have fun. Be yourself and enjoy. Don't talk about getting back together.
Go with him. Use this as an opportunity to show him you are not needy and desperate anymore. Just go and have fun. Be yourself and enjoy. Don't talk about getting back together.
Go with him. Use this as an opportunity to show him you are not needy and desperate anymore. Just go and have fun. Be yourself and enjoy. Don't talk about getting back together.
Go with him. Use this as an opportunity to show him you are not needy and desperate anymore. Just go and have fun. Be yourself and enjoy. Don't talk about getting back together.
Go with him. Use this as an opportunity to show him you are not needy and desperate anymore. Just go and have fun. Be yourself and enjoy. Don't talk about getting back together.
Thanks a lot Kevin. He has already agreed to meet with me at Barnes and noble to play some chess. What do u suggest I do in this situation ? I'm more concerned with redeeming myself after the begging incident.
Thanks a lot Kevin. He has already agreed to meet with me at Barnes and noble to play some chess. What do u suggest I do in this situation ? I'm more concerned with redeeming myself after the begging incident.
Thanks a lot Kevin. He has already agreed to meet with me at Barnes and noble to play some chess. What do u suggest I do in this situation ? I'm more concerned with redeeming myself after the begging incident.
Thanks a lot Kevin. He has already agreed to meet with me at Barnes and noble to play some chess. What do u suggest I do in this situation ? I'm more concerned with redeeming myself after the begging incident.
Of course there's hope Benz. You just need to follow the plan. Don't insist on meeting him before leaving. IMO, it's better to meet him once you come back. Here's what I suggest you do. Apply no contact. Go to your school. Start building attraction using text messages. When you come back, ask to meet him. And hopefully, he will want to get back together.
Of course there's hope Benz. You just need to follow the plan. Don't insist on meeting him before leaving. IMO, it's better to meet him once you come back. Here's what I suggest you do. Apply no contact. Go to your school. Start building attraction using text messages. When you come back, ask to meet him. And hopefully, he will want to get back together.
Of course there's hope Benz. You just need to follow the plan. Don't insist on meeting him before leaving. IMO, it's better to meet him once you come back. Here's what I suggest you do. Apply no contact. Go to your school. Start building attraction using text messages. When you come back, ask to meet him. And hopefully, he will want to get back together.
Hey! So ive been dating my current ex boyfriend for 6 months and he broke it off with me because of my strong willed personality. He thought that I was never satisfied with him. He also felt like he was loosing himself in the relationship by not being able to keep up with his obsession with fitness and the gym. We met at the gym an fell for each other instantly. I begged him to take me back over the phone and through text messages. He responded by saying "it's over" "done." I am headed back to school in a few days and after begging him a few days ago I decide to call him today to see if I can see him one last time before I leave. I really want him back. Is there hope after all the begging?
Hey! So ive been dating my current ex boyfriend for 6 months and he broke it off with me because of my strong willed personality. He thought that I was never satisfied with him. He also felt like he was loosing himself in the relationship by not being able to keep up with his obsession with fitness and the gym. We met at the gym an fell for each other instantly. I begged him to take me back over the phone and through text messages. He responded by saying "it's over" "done." I am headed back to school in a few days and after begging him a few days ago I decide to call him today to see if I can see him one last time before I leave. I really want him back. Is there hope after all the begging?
He is extremely confused about his feelings for you. You need to give him space and time and not contact him unless it's absolutely necessary. You can't rely on him to take care of the babies. You have to prepare yourself mentally to face the challenges of being a single parent. I hope he comes back and you two have a great life together, but you have to be practical when it comes to your babies.
I was just dumped by my bf about a week ago after five and half years. He said he's very stressed because he's turning thirty, he hates his job and he lives with his alcoholic dad whom he fights with. He said he wants space to get himself on his own feet so he doesn't rely on me as much and see his friends more.to figure out what he wants. He told me wants space so he dumped me. I didn't want this breakup but I'm trying to give him space. However he texts me everyday with vague things and to ask what I'm doing. I have not initiated any of the conversations. Over the weekend he showed up to a place I was at with friends and came straight to me and talking to me following me around. And both our sets of friends were as confused as me to why he was/ is behaving like this if he's the one who left me and wants space. I'm very confused so any advice is greatly appreciated
You need to apply no contact. Don't answer his texts and if he keeps texting you, let him know that you want to stop communication with him for a while. He is afraid of losing you forever. He is afraid that you will move on so he keeps in touch just so he can make sure you are not moving on. No contact is going to be very effective in your case.
You need to apply no contact. Don't answer his texts and if he keeps texting you, let him know that you want to stop communication with him for a while. He is afraid of losing you forever. He is afraid that you will move on so he keeps in touch just so he can make sure you are not moving on. No contact is going to be very effective in your case.
Hey my girlfriend and i have been dating for 5 year we have a 2 year old together (i cheated back when we were 18 im 23 now so it was a long time ago) and last week she told me she wanted a break so i said ok maybe time apart would work so then 4 days later she says that she doesn't want to be with me right now but is hopeful for the future i don't know if she saying that to stop me from hurting or really means it and im hurt like hell because she says she still loves me and is in love with me but doesn't want a relationship just wants to be single. So then yesterday she tells me shes been on a date with a guy a week after we split and is talking to some one but not on a relationship level and is acting like i should be ok with it just as friends so now im confused as to how she could be talking to someone already and im stuck here hurt and all emotional how do i get her back and show her ive changed she said i didn't appreciate her and show her love which i did but not all the time so how do i get her back and make us one again. She also told me that it hurts her not to be with me but i dont get that if it hurts not to be with me then why arent you .. I need answers Thanks Jared
Hey Jared,
She is going through the G.I.G.S (Grass is greener syndrome). She feels there is someone better out there for her. The reason she broke was because she wanted to start dating other people. That's why she started dating so soon after the breakup. The only thing you can do is let her have her experience. If she realizes she can't be happy without you, she will come back. Apply no contact. It's best for you and it'll probably make her miss you more.
Hey Jared,
She is going through the G.I.G.S (Grass is greener syndrome). She feels there is someone better out there for her. The reason she broke was because she wanted to start dating other people. That's why she started dating so soon after the breakup. The only thing you can do is let her have her experience. If she realizes she can't be happy without you, she will come back. Apply no contact. It's best for you and it'll probably make her miss you more.
Hi I just broke up with my ex..we've been together for 1 year and during that period it has been a roller coaster for us..but we are happy together we don't see each other that often as he was a loner and wants to be alone most of the time and playing his games..then just suddenly he broke up..but then he called me and said he wants to work it out and we agree..then in the evening of that same day we argue again about me loving him so much even though hes not that good enough..then suddenly he said he thinks he only likes me but he don't really love me..i feel so devastated that i told him not to contact me anymore..but then i went to his place that same night to see him and ask if he really means it that he don't love me..and i cried and blaming him why he dint tell me..why he keep it for a long time..but then we sleep together that night but no sex just sleeping..he still hugs me the same way as before..i don't know if its me that saying his actions doesn't match his words..but in the morning when i went home i call him again and say same things as i said during the night and he gets really mad but really trying to explain..then i said call me if you realize something..he said i will, i will,i will.. my question is, is there any chance of us getting back together?do you think he really don't love me or he is just confused???im doing the no contact rule now totally..I'm also started to go fitness and meet new people..but i really want him back..
Hey Asha,
Yes you still have a chance. Stick to the plan. Good you are going to the gym and meeting new people. It will only increase your chances.
Hey Asha,
Yes you still have a chance. Stick to the plan. Good you are going to the gym and meeting new people. It will only increase your chances.
She also told me that it hurts her not to be with me n she wanted to be single as in no relationship with anyone what steps can I take to name her remember the love we had also we have a 2 year old daughter so doing no contact would be hard
Hey Jared,
I'd still recommend no contact. Like I mentioned in the article, keep your conversations minimum and only related to your daughter. Don't talk about your feelings or your personal life.
Hey Jared,
I'd still recommend no contact. Like I mentioned in the article, keep your conversations minimum and only related to your daughter. Don't talk about your feelings or your personal life.
Hello, my name is Cassandra and I just read your artical and I have to ask a few questions cause I need your help. My ex boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me November 8th 2013, and I am almost 9 months pregnant now so this is hard cause my daughter is going up for adoption. Anyways I miss him and want him back and for 2 months I thought it was possible but I was wrong cause on January 2nd I found out on November 10th 2013 he moved on with another female... He has left me for her before back in the day but that lasted two days. So now he's been in his new relationship for almost three months now. I want him back and I need advice please, I've written to so many people and no one is telling me how to get him back, we wrote each other yesterday I will write down everything but I want to know if I'm too late or if I should do no contact (the baby is due a month from now so I will have to call him and afraid that will ruin my chances) or if there are certain things I should do and say?? So here is the update so far. Me: "guess this is it. I will miss you and will never love someone the same way. Thanks for my daughter. And I want to wish you the best and glad she makes you happy." (I wrote that a day before we started the conversation), (next night) ex: "how did your school thing go?" Me: "didn't happen will tomorrow. A lot has happened today I'm still shookin up I don't want to talk." Ex: "the baby okay?" Me: "I would have let you known if she wasn't....she's always fine...let's just leave things to what I wrote you yesterday. Want to leave on a good note. Just be happy and stay happy. You want me out of your life so I'm respecting it and just gonna do me now since there is nothing to wait for anymore. Can't stand the thought of someone that was once mine and is now replaced so I need to get over you and heal. You will see your daughter .... I'm not heartless. See you in the future sometime huh? Lol one day ;)" ex: "cassy I never said I want you out of my life, but I get why now, it's a good idea. But I still care ok? I asked you how school went because I do care." Me: "...I can't talk to you knowing you're in love and sleeping with someone else. Would you like it? I'm pregnant and this is a big strain and a struggle for me everyday, I went to the e.r. today because of it." Ex: "what!?!?!?!!!!!" Me: "what? Had nothing to do with the baby ok? Once again she...is...fine. It's me so don't flip." Ex: "I don't want anything bad to happen to you or her." Me: "you have no idea what this breakup has done to me....so please." Ex: "ok I'm sorry................." Me: and no I cared cause I'm the only one missing and hurt by it. You made your choice and I have to live with it and think about my big pappas doin the business (cuddling) with someone else bein held in your arms rolled in a ball and eating the famous sour sgetti." Ex: "you're making me want to cry, I can't do this right now....." Me: "I have to think about that image everyday... And sleep at night pretending you're with me, but knowing another women is enjoying what was once mine. I miss you. Sorry." Ex: "I'm sorry too." Me: "doesn't matter anymore. I feel like the movie the notebook without the happy ending." Ex: "............ I'm sorry I fucked up I'm a bad person, I know." Me: "why didn't you fight for me?" Ex: "my phone is about to die." Me: "okay... Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I know it don't matter anymore. I'll talk to you when I have her and she's cleaned up. Bye." And then he never responded and the adoptive mothers lawyer called me today and asked for my exs number and the an hour ago I just texted him "did blanks lawyer call you?" And still no response. Anyways please help me I don't know what to do.
Hey Cassandra,
At this point, stop contact with him until the baby comes. As I mentioned in the article, you can contact him only if it's about the baby. And even then, keep the conversation about her. Not about your feelings and your personal life. If he wants to see the baby, you can meet him at the time of delivery and then again stop contact with him. The way I see it, it's going to take some time. At least 2-3 months. You have to forget about him for a while and concentrate on yourself. Contact him after 2-3 months using one of the texts mentioned in this article.
But I'm scared, he will forget about me. He told me he didn't love her a week ago when we talked and I asked him "then why are you with her?" He said "I don't know, just bored." But then I wrote her what he told me and she didn't believe me and told her he will deny everything and he did and then got mad at me. I told him tell her the truth, someone had to. But I guess it looked like I was trying to sabotage them. I wasn't. I want him to want me the right way. I don't like to step into relationships like that but I thought she deserved the truth. Anyways I don't know why he told me that and then denied it. I wish I knew if he loves me still or if he does miss me, or if he's just stringing me along incase they don't work out... 2 or 3 months is along time, will he contact me do you think? And try to get back with me? Or just to check up on me while still living her?.... That girl is not meant for him, I am and he's meant for me, I just know, just the way we could talk to each other. We had a lot of trust issues too. He has cheated on me and I know he cheated on me with her before he left me, I mean common he started dating her 2 days after leaving me and she doesn't live close, when we were together he never told me he bought a laptop, I found out myself cause his sister told me after he left me so I'm guessing he's been planning on leaving me for her for awhile. I don't know, I'm confused. I just want a garuntee you know? Because I know 2 or 3 months down the line I won't be able to forget him and find someone else, I live him too death.
Hey Cassandra,
Think about what you are saying. You say that he cheated on you on more than one occasion, you two had trust issues and possibly many other relationship problems that lead to the breakup. And yet you say, you two are meant for each other. I am not trying to convince you that you shouldn't want him back. But I will highly recommend that you wait for some time and really think about (keeping all the emotions aside) whether or not he is good for your life.
As for the guarantee, like I mentioned in the article, there's no guarantee. However, I can assure you that everything you've done till now to try to get him back (messaging him, messaging his girlfriend, telling him you'll always love him etc.) reeks of neediness and desperation. And as I mentioned, neediness and desperation are extremely attractive and it's going to push him further away. IMO, 2-3 months will not be nearly enough for him to forget you. In fact, he is just going to miss you more if you stop contact. You'll have to take a leap of faith here. The way I see it, you have two options.
1. Keep doing what you've been doing. That is messaging him, acting needy and desperate. Which IMO is going to keep pushing him further away.
OR
2. Apply NC and follow the plan. Which IMO is going to increase your chances of getting back together a lot.
My ex boyfriend inititiates contact with Me.I suppose not answer him but to the fact that his mom died and he just want to talk to me.so I talk to him but it's only about his mom and not in our relationship.
2days after he told me I love you and he misses me so much...
And he ask Me is what is my answer to what he said.he said again I love you!!
And on the other day.I texted him like cheering him up because he loss his mom..
And he called me again..at first it's awkward but later on.it's like a normal conversation for us ..
After that 1day I texted him if it's Okey to call him and he said ok.. so did call him and he answered my call.And he ask me if I have eaten my dinner.I said yes and it was pork.he told me you promise me before that you will cook for me.
And I said ok I will cook for you.so to make the story short.we meet outside his working place I've noticed he keep staring at me and can't look me directly to the eyes..
And he said to me again.I miss you and it's been 1month and a half.
After that he started to hold me in the hands.like it feels great like the old days..
And I end the conversation And went home.few minutes later he call me again and said thank you and the food was delicious.I like it.
But this made me confuse.I know I have to make things slow.But what should I do for him to commit with me again?
Should I wait for him to initiate contact always with me?
I'm confuse of what to do next..
One day I send text to him(I hope your having a great day.I have something to give you for valentines day.just get it whenever you have free time.And few minutes ago he calls me.to make the story short.he ask me if I can come in front of his working place.so I said I am not sure but I will try..
After 20 minutes I text him.I said I'm sorry I can't make it tommorow at 3pm because I have important things to do at the embassy..just whenever you have free time .no need to hurry.hehe.that was my last text..
I am waiting tommorow if what is his response but my plan is not to initiate contact with him again.
Can I ask him to meet me on his day off?4days from now.
Is Okey if I'll be the one to ask him?but not a date only meet him for coffee and to give my gift.thats all.
What do you think about my situation right now?
Well, apparently he has strong feelings for you and he is chasing you. Perhaps, he wants to get back together and is waiting to see enough interest from you. The way you've been acting till now is great and IMO, you should continue doing it for a while. You are not needy and you are giving him an opportunity to chase you. Continue it for a month and if he still doesn't ask to get back together, you do it. Be clear about your intentions and what you expect from him.
Well, apparently he has strong feelings for you and he is chasing you. Perhaps, he wants to get back together and is waiting to see enough interest from you. The way you've been acting till now is great and IMO, you should continue doing it for a while. You are not needy and you are giving him an opportunity to chase you. Continue it for a month and if he still doesn't ask to get back together, you do it. Be clear about your intentions and what you expect from him.
Well, apparently he has strong feelings for you and he is chasing you. Perhaps, he wants to get back together and is waiting to see enough interest from you. The way you've been acting till now is great and IMO, you should continue doing it for a while. You are not needy and you are giving him an opportunity to chase you. Continue it for a month and if he still doesn't ask to get back together, you do it. Be clear about your intentions and what you expect from him.
Well, apparently he has strong feelings for you and he is chasing you. Perhaps, he wants to get back together and is waiting to see enough interest from you. The way you've been acting till now is great and IMO, you should continue doing it for a while. You are not needy and you are giving him an opportunity to chase you. Continue it for a month and if he still doesn't ask to get back together, you do it. Be clear about your intentions and what you expect from him.
Well, apparently he has strong feelings for you and he is chasing you. Perhaps, he wants to get back together and is waiting to see enough interest from you. The way you've been acting till now is great and IMO, you should continue doing it for a while. You are not needy and you are giving him an opportunity to chase you. Continue it for a month and if he still doesn't ask to get back together, you do it. Be clear about your intentions and what you expect from him.
Well, apparently he has strong feelings for you and he is chasing you. Perhaps, he wants to get back together and is waiting to see enough interest from you. The way you've been acting till now is great and IMO, you should continue doing it for a while. You are not needy and you are giving him an opportunity to chase you. Continue it for a month and if he still doesn't ask to get back together, you do it. Be clear about your intentions and what you expect from him.
Also one more very important question. He wants to see the baby before she's adopted out. And if I don't let him, that will push him away? Should I let him or no?
Cassandra,
That's your decision to make. It's your baby and his too. I don't know how he will react to not seeing the baby before you give it away. However, if you do decide to let him see it, make sure you keep that meeting completely related to the baby and not about you. Don't talk about yourself or your feelings about him.
Cassandra,
That's your decision to make. It's your baby and his too. I don't know how he will react to not seeing the baby before you give it away. However, if you do decide to let him see it, make sure you keep that meeting completely related to the baby and not about you. Don't talk about yourself or your feelings about him.
Cassandra,
That's your decision to make. It's your baby and his too. I don't know how he will react to not seeing the baby before you give it away. However, if you do decide to let him see it, make sure you keep that meeting completely related to the baby and not about you. Don't talk about yourself or your feelings about him.
Cassandra,
That's your decision to make. It's your baby and his too. I don't know how he will react to not seeing the baby before you give it away. However, if you do decide to let him see it, make sure you keep that meeting completely related to the baby and not about you. Don't talk about yourself or your feelings about him.
Cassandra,
That's your decision to make. It's your baby and his too. I don't know how he will react to not seeing the baby before you give it away. However, if you do decide to let him see it, make sure you keep that meeting completely related to the baby and not about you. Don't talk about yourself or your feelings about him.
Cassandra,
That's your decision to make. It's your baby and his too. I don't know how he will react to not seeing the baby before you give it away. However, if you do decide to let him see it, make sure you keep that meeting completely related to the baby and not about you. Don't talk about yourself or your feelings about him.
Thank you very much you are a good person. I will take that leap starting today thanks :) no more contact at all unless its about the baby. And only the baby if I must.
My ex boyfriend inititiates contact with Me.I suppose not answer him but to the fact that his mom died and he just want to talk to me.so I talk to him but it's only about his mom and not in our relationship.
2days after he told me I love you and he misses me so much...
And he ask Me is what is my answer to what he said.he said again I love you!!
And on the other day.I texted him like cheering him up because he loss his mom..
And he called me again..at first it's awkward but later on.it's like a normal conversation for us ..
After that 1day I texted him if it's Okey to call him and he said ok.. so did call him and he answered my call.And he ask me if I have eaten my dinner.I said yes and it was pork.he told me you promise me before that you will cook for me.
And I said ok I will cook for you.so to make the story short.we meet outside his working place I've noticed he keep staring at me and can't look me directly to the eyes..
And he said to me again.I miss you and it's been 1month and a half.
After that he started to hold me in the hands.like it feels great like the old days..
And I end the conversation And went home.few minutes later he call me again and said thank you and the food was delicious.I like it.
But this made me confuse.I know I have to make things slow.But what should I do for him to commit with me again?
Should I wait for him to initiate contact always with me?
I'm confuse of what to do next..
One day I send text to him(I hope your having a great day.I have something to give you for valentines day.just get it whenever you have free time.And few minutes ago he calls me.to make the story short.he ask me if I can come in front of his working place.so I said I am not sure but I will try..
After 20 minutes I text him.I said I'm sorry I can't make it tommorow at 3pm because I have important things to do at the embassy..just whenever you have free time .no need to hurry.hehe.that was my last text..
I am waiting tommorow if what is his response but my plan is not to initiate contact with him again.
Can I ask him to meet me on his day off?4days from now.
Is Okey if I'll be the one to ask him?but not a date only meet him for coffee and to give my gift.thats all.
What do you think about my situation right now?
Also one more very important question. He wants to see the baby before she's adopted out. And if I don't let him, that will push him away? Should I let him or no?
Thank you very much you are a good person. I will take that leap starting today thanks :) no more contact at all unless its about the baby. And only the baby if I must.
My ex boyfriend inititiates contact with Me.I suppose not answer him but to the fact that his mom died and he just want to talk to me.so I talk to him but it's only about his mom and not in our relationship.
2days after he told me I love you and he misses me so much...
And he ask Me is what is my answer to what he said.he said again I love you!!
And on the other day.I texted him like cheering him up because he loss his mom..
And he called me again..at first it's awkward but later on.it's like a normal conversation for us ..
After that 1day I texted him if it's Okey to call him and he said ok.. so did call him and he answered my call.And he ask me if I have eaten my dinner.I said yes and it was pork.he told me you promise me before that you will cook for me.
And I said ok I will cook for you.so to make the story short.we meet outside his working place I've noticed he keep staring at me and can't look me directly to the eyes..
And he said to me again.I miss you and it's been 1month and a half.
After that he started to hold me in the hands.like it feels great like the old days..
And I end the conversation And went home.few minutes later he call me again and said thank you and the food was delicious.I like it.
But this made me confuse.I know I have to make things slow.But what should I do for him to commit with me again?
Should I wait for him to initiate contact always with me?
I'm confuse of what to do next..
One day I send text to him(I hope your having a great day.I have something to give you for valentines day.just get it whenever you have free time.And few minutes ago he calls me.to make the story short.he ask me if I can come in front of his working place.so I said I am not sure but I will try..
After 20 minutes I text him.I said I'm sorry I can't make it tommorow at 3pm because I have important things to do at the embassy..just whenever you have free time .no need to hurry.hehe.that was my last text..
I am waiting tommorow if what is his response but my plan is not to initiate contact with him again.
Can I ask him to meet me on his day off?4days from now.
Is Okey if I'll be the one to ask him?but not a date only meet him for coffee and to give my gift.thats all.
What do you think about my situation right now?
Also one more very important question. He wants to see the baby before she's adopted out. And if I don't let him, that will push him away? Should I let him or no?
Thank you very much you are a good person. I will take that leap starting today thanks :) no more contact at all unless its about the baby. And only the baby if I must.
My ex boyfriend inititiates contact with Me.I suppose not answer him but to the fact that his mom died and he just want to talk to me.so I talk to him but it's only about his mom and not in our relationship.
2days after he told me I love you and he misses me so much...
And he ask Me is what is my answer to what he said.he said again I love you!!
And on the other day.I texted him like cheering him up because he loss his mom..
And he called me again..at first it's awkward but later on.it's like a normal conversation for us ..
After that 1day I texted him if it's Okey to call him and he said ok.. so did call him and he answered my call.And he ask me if I have eaten my dinner.I said yes and it was pork.he told me you promise me before that you will cook for me.
And I said ok I will cook for you.so to make the story short.we meet outside his working place I've noticed he keep staring at me and can't look me directly to the eyes..
And he said to me again.I miss you and it's been 1month and a half.
After that he started to hold me in the hands.like it feels great like the old days..
And I end the conversation And went home.few minutes later he call me again and said thank you and the food was delicious.I like it.
But this made me confuse.I know I have to make things slow.But what should I do for him to commit with me again?
Should I wait for him to initiate contact always with me?
I'm confuse of what to do next..
One day I send text to him(I hope your having a great day.I have something to give you for valentines day.just get it whenever you have free time.And few minutes ago he calls me.to make the story short.he ask me if I can come in front of his working place.so I said I am not sure but I will try..
After 20 minutes I text him.I said I'm sorry I can't make it tommorow at 3pm because I have important things to do at the embassy..just whenever you have free time .no need to hurry.hehe.that was my last text..
I am waiting tommorow if what is his response but my plan is not to initiate contact with him again.
Can I ask him to meet me on his day off?4days from now.
Is Okey if I'll be the one to ask him?but not a date only meet him for coffee and to give my gift.thats all.
What do you think about my situation right now?
Also one more very important question. He wants to see the baby before she's adopted out. And if I don't let him, that will push him away? Should I let him or no?
Thank you very much you are a good person. I will take that leap starting today thanks :) no more contact at all unless its about the baby. And only the baby if I must.
My ex boyfriend inititiates contact with Me.I suppose not answer him but to the fact that his mom died and he just want to talk to me.so I talk to him but it's only about his mom and not in our relationship.
2days after he told me I love you and he misses me so much...
And he ask Me is what is my answer to what he said.he said again I love you!!
And on the other day.I texted him like cheering him up because he loss his mom..
And he called me again..at first it's awkward but later on.it's like a normal conversation for us ..
After that 1day I texted him if it's Okey to call him and he said ok.. so did call him and he answered my call.And he ask me if I have eaten my dinner.I said yes and it was pork.he told me you promise me before that you will cook for me.
And I said ok I will cook for you.so to make the story short.we meet outside his working place I've noticed he keep staring at me and can't look me directly to the eyes..
And he said to me again.I miss you and it's been 1month and a half.
After that he started to hold me in the hands.like it feels great like the old days..
And I end the conversation And went home.few minutes later he call me again and said thank you and the food was delicious.I like it.
But this made me confuse.I know I have to make things slow.But what should I do for him to commit with me again?
Should I wait for him to initiate contact always with me?
I'm confuse of what to do next..
One day I send text to him(I hope your having a great day.I have something to give you for valentines day.just get it whenever you have free time.And few minutes ago he calls me.to make the story short.he ask me if I can come in front of his working place.so I said I am not sure but I will try..
After 20 minutes I text him.I said I'm sorry I can't make it tommorow at 3pm because I have important things to do at the embassy..just whenever you have free time .no need to hurry.hehe.that was my last text..
I am waiting tommorow if what is his response but my plan is not to initiate contact with him again.
Can I ask him to meet me on his day off?4days from now.
Is Okey if I'll be the one to ask him?but not a date only meet him for coffee and to give my gift.thats all.
What do you think about my situation right now?
Also one more very important question. He wants to see the baby before she's adopted out. And if I don't let him, that will push him away? Should I let him or no?
Thank you very much you are a good person. I will take that leap starting today thanks :) no more contact at all unless its about the baby. And only the baby if I must.
Hey Cassandra,
Think about what you are saying. You say that he cheated on you on more than one occasion, you two had trust issues and possibly many other relationship problems that lead to the breakup. And yet you say, you two are meant for each other. I am not trying to convince you that you shouldn't want him back. But I will highly recommend that you wait for some time and really think about (keeping all the emotions aside) whether or not he is good for your life.
As for the guarantee, like I mentioned in the article, there's no guarantee. However, I can assure you that everything you've done till now to try to get him back (messaging him, messaging his girlfriend, telling him you'll always love him etc.) reeks of neediness and desperation. And as I mentioned, neediness and desperation are extremely attractive and it's going to push him further away. IMO, 2-3 months will not be nearly enough for him to forget you. In fact, he is just going to miss you more if you stop contact. You'll have to take a leap of faith here. The way I see it, you have two options.
1. Keep doing what you've been doing. That is messaging him, acting needy and desperate. Which IMO is going to keep pushing him further away.
OR
2. Apply NC and follow the plan. Which IMO is going to increase your chances of getting back together a lot.
Hey Cassandra,
Think about what you are saying. You say that he cheated on you on more than one occasion, you two had trust issues and possibly many other relationship problems that lead to the breakup. And yet you say, you two are meant for each other. I am not trying to convince you that you shouldn't want him back. But I will highly recommend that you wait for some time and really think about (keeping all the emotions aside) whether or not he is good for your life.
As for the guarantee, like I mentioned in the article, there's no guarantee. However, I can assure you that everything you've done till now to try to get him back (messaging him, messaging his girlfriend, telling him you'll always love him etc.) reeks of neediness and desperation. And as I mentioned, neediness and desperation are extremely attractive and it's going to push him further away. IMO, 2-3 months will not be nearly enough for him to forget you. In fact, he is just going to miss you more if you stop contact. You'll have to take a leap of faith here. The way I see it, you have two options.
1. Keep doing what you've been doing. That is messaging him, acting needy and desperate. Which IMO is going to keep pushing him further away.
OR
2. Apply NC and follow the plan. Which IMO is going to increase your chances of getting back together a lot.
Hey Cassandra,
Think about what you are saying. You say that he cheated on you on more than one occasion, you two had trust issues and possibly many other relationship problems that lead to the breakup. And yet you say, you two are meant for each other. I am not trying to convince you that you shouldn't want him back. But I will highly recommend that you wait for some time and really think about (keeping all the emotions aside) whether or not he is good for your life.
As for the guarantee, like I mentioned in the article, there's no guarantee. However, I can assure you that everything you've done till now to try to get him back (messaging him, messaging his girlfriend, telling him you'll always love him etc.) reeks of neediness and desperation. And as I mentioned, neediness and desperation are extremely attractive and it's going to push him further away. IMO, 2-3 months will not be nearly enough for him to forget you. In fact, he is just going to miss you more if you stop contact. You'll have to take a leap of faith here. The way I see it, you have two options.
1. Keep doing what you've been doing. That is messaging him, acting needy and desperate. Which IMO is going to keep pushing him further away.
OR
2. Apply NC and follow the plan. Which IMO is going to increase your chances of getting back together a lot.
But I'm scared, he will forget about me. He told me he didn't love her a week ago when we talked and I asked him "then why are you with her?" He said "I don't know, just bored." But then I wrote her what he told me and she didn't believe me and told her he will deny everything and he did and then got mad at me. I told him tell her the truth, someone had to. But I guess it looked like I was trying to sabotage them. I wasn't. I want him to want me the right way. I don't like to step into relationships like that but I thought she deserved the truth. Anyways I don't know why he told me that and then denied it. I wish I knew if he loves me still or if he does miss me, or if he's just stringing me along incase they don't work out... 2 or 3 months is along time, will he contact me do you think? And try to get back with me? Or just to check up on me while still living her?.... That girl is not meant for him, I am and he's meant for me, I just know, just the way we could talk to each other. We had a lot of trust issues too. He has cheated on me and I know he cheated on me with her before he left me, I mean common he started dating her 2 days after leaving me and she doesn't live close, when we were together he never told me he bought a laptop, I found out myself cause his sister told me after he left me so I'm guessing he's been planning on leaving me for her for awhile. I don't know, I'm confused. I just want a garuntee you know? Because I know 2 or 3 months down the line I won't be able to forget him and find someone else, I live him too death.
But I'm scared, he will forget about me. He told me he didn't love her a week ago when we talked and I asked him "then why are you with her?" He said "I don't know, just bored." But then I wrote her what he told me and she didn't believe me and told her he will deny everything and he did and then got mad at me. I told him tell her the truth, someone had to. But I guess it looked like I was trying to sabotage them. I wasn't. I want him to want me the right way. I don't like to step into relationships like that but I thought she deserved the truth. Anyways I don't know why he told me that and then denied it. I wish I knew if he loves me still or if he does miss me, or if he's just stringing me along incase they don't work out... 2 or 3 months is along time, will he contact me do you think? And try to get back with me? Or just to check up on me while still living her?.... That girl is not meant for him, I am and he's meant for me, I just know, just the way we could talk to each other. We had a lot of trust issues too. He has cheated on me and I know he cheated on me with her before he left me, I mean common he started dating her 2 days after leaving me and she doesn't live close, when we were together he never told me he bought a laptop, I found out myself cause his sister told me after he left me so I'm guessing he's been planning on leaving me for her for awhile. I don't know, I'm confused. I just want a garuntee you know? Because I know 2 or 3 months down the line I won't be able to forget him and find someone else, I live him too death.
Hey Cassandra,
At this point, stop contact with him until the baby comes. As I mentioned in the article, you can contact him only if it's about the baby. And even then, keep the conversation about her. Not about your feelings and your personal life. If he wants to see the baby, you can meet him at the time of delivery and then again stop contact with him. The way I see it, it's going to take some time. At least 2-3 months. You have to forget about him for a while and concentrate on yourself. Contact him after 2-3 months using one of the texts mentioned in this article.
So Kevin,
After the 30 day waiting period. Do I initiate conversation? Or are you saying, he will eventually do it sometime before that? Because I'm afraid that when he DOES contact me, it would just be to apologize and that he would want nothing more.
Jane
Hey Jane,
If he contacts you, you don't answer him until the no contact is over (unless it's absolutely necessary). And after NC is over, you initiate conversation using one of the methods mentioned in the article. (If he is the one who should be apologizing, I'd recommend you skip the letter and move directly to the text messages).
Hey Jane,
If he contacts you, you don't answer him until the no contact is over (unless it's absolutely necessary). And after NC is over, you initiate conversation using one of the methods mentioned in the article. (If he is the one who should be apologizing, I'd recommend you skip the letter and move directly to the text messages).
Hi,
Sorry for my english in advance, and ty for the article really great. My problem is: My girlfirend after 3 years dumped my because i got lazy did not help enough and so, so she wanna meet new guys. We were the greatest happiest couple I ve ever seen - really but we could not argue and solve our little problems only after break up she told me , we could argued every problem - and now I see I changed not for her for myself. After I found new place to live I took a week break in conversation, then I call her for a little talk - that was all right, then to a cinema on the next week that was good too. Nothing special happaned, but we felt good. Then she wrote a mail - just how are u and after a little talk I asked is she wanna meet, she said she dont wanna- she is busy that week, the I did not understand what was that whole thing, so I called her to ask what are her feelings does she miss me or what I need to know, but she could not answer I said its ok I give time I dont dstrub you, on the next night she called me . We sould no meet again. I said ok if u that ' s what u want , I really love here and that was the real thing I know I just did not know how to react to problems - now I know - but know it seems too late. I will do the non contact 30 days and other steps But what do you think what is in her mind. I hope she call me - I dont know I really want her back I know I want her back.
Thank you in advance
She is confused about her feelings. It's best not to obsess over what's going on in her mind. Apply no contact and see how things go.
She is confused about her feelings. It's best not to obsess over what's going on in her mind. Apply no contact and see how things go.
Me and my broke things off 3 months ago bc i cheated on him and now i feel bad but I kept on texting him saying sorry and he kept on telling me to leave him alone and called me lots of names I kept on going on his fb and msging his friends and lied to him then he finally had enough and went to the police station and put a no contact report against me but im scard hes never going to contact me ever again
Tina,
You need to apply the NC rule for a few months. If you are not allowed to contact him legally, then there's really nothing you can do. My advice would be to concentrate on moving on. If he contacts you, you can try making it work with him again. If not, then learn from your mistakes and move on.
Tina,
You need to apply the NC rule for a few months. If you are not allowed to contact him legally, then there's really nothing you can do. My advice would be to concentrate on moving on. If he contacts you, you can try making it work with him again. If not, then learn from your mistakes and move on.
Kevin,
My girlfriend and I broke things off about 2 months ago, after 5 years. This is the second time this has happened as we tried to make our relationship work this past year but we ended up with the same issues we had before the first break up. We have very little contact even though we have children together. She doesn't respond to my text messages nor calls. And has asked me to text her if I need to communicate with her but she doesn't respond to any. A week ago she did answer my call but was upset and just responding with, "what do you want" "why you calling" remarks which then I responded with, whatever...and hung up. Several days before that call we did have conversation but didn't end well. When talking to my kids she takes the phone from them and asks about my job and I say well and proceed to ask her how hers is going and she responds, ok it's going ok. I tell her about our start-up and how will it's going and ask her if we can do something when I go see the kids. By that time she flips out and says no, you should invite your girlfriend and hangs up. She assumes I'm seeing my rebound after our first break up. How should I take these actions she's expressing. Will she try to get emotions out of me? Is it safe to say she might still have feelings for me?
Thanks
Yeah Ed. She definitely has feelings for you. Although, she is still confused and angry. You need to give her some time and space.
Yeah Ed. She definitely has feelings for you. Although, she is still confused and angry. You need to give her some time and space.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend and i broke up 5 days ago. She said she doesn't know how to love, i deserve better than she can ever give me. Her head is confused. She hasn't been happy for years (we went out for almost one year and broke up for two days in between as she said she was in a dark place and didn't deserve me- i stupidly did the text and calling thing and assuring her I love her and told her how amazing she is and she does deserve love and i would love her. She apologised and said she was just so confused about her emotions and feelings and was sorry for even thinking she didn't want me).
Since the break up we've had minimal contact. She's text me sayin she cares and asked if i am ok. She wants to know i am ok and said she is hurting and i am wonderful and don't deserve this and she will never forgive herself for hurting me.
Friends have asked me if i think there's someone else but i don't. We were always honest and logged into each others Facebook on phones, knew each others passwords and phone locks etc.
She even said to me two weeks before the split " i can't wait to spend our future together just the three of us (me germ and my daughter).
I said this to her the day of the split and she said this" i meant it but the more my head went into over drive the more i got confused"
We were supposed to go away this weekend for her birthday too. I have cancelled all that now (that was hard). She said she couldn't let me waste my money on her claiming "i don't deserve it. I deserve nothing i deserve to be on my own and will probably be on my own forever"
Help.
Hey,
She either has some serious self-esteem issues or she is suffering from some form of depression. Either ways, there's really nothing you can do unless she decides herself that she is good enough for a happy and wonderful life. If you want, you can encourage her to go for counseling or something. But the desire to work on her issues should come from inside her for it to really work. I would suggest you wait for a while and contact her. If she is still in the same state of mind, then it's best for you to move on. You really can't help someone else with their issues unless they want to work on it.
Hey,
She either has some serious self-esteem issues or she is suffering from some form of depression. Either ways, there's really nothing you can do unless she decides herself that she is good enough for a happy and wonderful life. If you want, you can encourage her to go for counseling or something. But the desire to work on her issues should come from inside her for it to really work. I would suggest you wait for a while and contact her. If she is still in the same state of mind, then it's best for you to move on. You really can't help someone else with their issues unless they want to work on it.
hello basicly me and my ex broke up for 2 months because i drunkenly kissed a girl i ended up begging and pleading for her to get back with me the hole time eventually we got back together but the relationship started to fade and we started arguing i started getting jelous ect but we was back together for 6 months and to be honest she was a bitch the majority of the time we ended up splitting up 6 weeks ago i rang her 2 weeks after the break up and she was in bed with some one that she had previously stated was only a friend i rang her a week later drunk she didnt pick up but then called me back telling me she never loved me since i did what i did but i think it was because she got bored and liked that apparent friend of hers any way i havent contacted her for 17 days but today i contacted her to ask for my tickets to a comedy show and we started talking friendly she was even being a bit flirty i stated that i havents slept with any one as im busy ect not because of her and she txt back saying that she nos it has nothing to do with her and that im over her and shes over me i didnt txt back then she txt me saying am i rite i txt her back saying rite about what obviousley asking if i was over her but i didnt tell her i just sort of showed no real intrest in the relationship and she is obviousley still seeing other people i flirtily txt her saying im the boss she said we will see wont we with a wink and i havent replyed im going to go in no contact now but do u think its likely she will start to regret her decision now when we broke up she said she will never come back as it would never work and that we tryed do u think she will contact me with regret asd i wont contact her again and i have showed her that im happy without her or do u think this will now give her closure and by thinking im over her will it make it easyer for her to move on with her life i no she reallly did love me its only been 5 weeks after a year and a half im just wondering ur opinion
Hey,
I can't say for sure but I think she still has feelings for you. Follow NC for a while and then contact her again.
Hey,
I can't say for sure but I think she still has feelings for you. Follow NC for a while and then contact her again.
Hey, I am in a very tricky situation atm. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 3 days ago because our arguments were getting out of hand and he said he loves me very much and knows I am the person he wants to marry and have kids with in the future. He said he broke up with me so he could clear his head and see other people so that we can rekindle our relationship in the future and he can be a better partner to me. At first I was in shock and hurt that he wants to see other people. But now I can see his logic and am beginning to think I needed this break too to reassess my life. The biggest problem is me and my ex are currently living together and due to financial circumstances and a lease neither of us can leave. What scares me was my ex's reluctance to move into the spare bedroom. Even though he has broken up with me and repeats that he wants to see other people for awhile. He still tries to act like a boyfriend to me, he wants me to spend all my time when I am home with him, talk to me,hug me,kiss me and tell me he loves me. He got annoyed with me when I said although I do love him and would like a future with him at some point, I want space right now and warned him to stop being affectionate towards me as it is confusing me. He seems to be extremely afraid of losing me for good now. Although I am not the one who wants to see other people right now. He starts arguments by asking me where I have been and telling me he doesn't like that he is not allowed to Text me or ask me questions, I have explained to him that I need space and I set ground rules about him seeing someone else as I told him I didn't want them around the house when I am home. I guess my main question what way can I handle this situation so that we could possibly get back together a few months or a year down the line. I cannot not speak to him at times as we need to discuss bills,shopping etc.we are both unemployed students that go to the same college and live together. I just don't want the arguments to continue and I need to distance myself from him so that I hurt less when he begins seeing other people.what's the best advice u can give me?
Sarah,
It's good that you've set ground rules. Just keep the conversation with him minimum and carry on your life. Don't be rude and learn how to handle the arguments calmly and with reason. No matter how unreasonable he becomes, make sure you are always in control of yourself and calm. Avoid any topic that might lead to an argument. As for not getting her when he begins seeing other people, there's nothing you can do there. Although, I'll recommend you also go out on a few dates if possible (although this way, he might panic and want to get back together right away).
Sarah,
It's good that you've set ground rules. Just keep the conversation with him minimum and carry on your life. Don't be rude and learn how to handle the arguments calmly and with reason. No matter how unreasonable he becomes, make sure you are always in control of yourself and calm. Avoid any topic that might lead to an argument. As for not getting her when he begins seeing other people, there's nothing you can do there. Although, I'll recommend you also go out on a few dates if possible (although this way, he might panic and want to get back together right away).
My ex text me yesterday 5 days after break up askin if i am ok. She has been thinking about me a lot and hopes i am ok...
Is there any hope for us kevin? I love her so much.
hey kevin
she ended our 3 year relationship a month ago for no reason.
we were really happy but her friends brainwashed her ..
i have done most of the mistakes mentioned above
but we are still in contact as friends
but i want her back
shall i start the no contact rule from present day?
or be her friend and try to get her back this way only ?
Apply NC.
she stays she still loves me but the situation is not right to be back..
one day she says she loves me next day she says she doesnt love me and doesnt wanna meet me ever
how to deal with this situation?
Like I said Aknish, apply NC. Give her time to deal with her emotions. Follow the plan.
Like I said Aknish, apply NC. Give her time to deal with her emotions. Follow the plan.
Like I said Aknish, apply NC. Give her time to deal with her emotions. Follow the plan.
Like I said Aknish, apply NC. Give her time to deal with her emotions. Follow the plan.
she stays she still loves me but the situation is not right to be back..
one day she says she loves me next day she says she doesnt love me and doesnt wanna meet me ever
how to deal with this situation?
she stays she still loves me but the situation is not right to be back..
one day she says she loves me next day she says she doesnt love me and doesnt wanna meet me ever
how to deal with this situation?
Apply NC.
We broke up because he said he wasn't in love anymore. It's been 2 months of no contact and I just sent him a letter. Told him how I felt and I knew he didn't feel the same way. I apologized for how I was and then asked for a second chance. I hope that was alright. I recently found out he had a date with someone. Is there still a chance? I continue praying. I just want him back.
Hey JessB,
It wasn't a good idea to send the letter asking for a second chance. But yes, you still have a chance. Just follow the plan. Apply NC and then contact him. He going on a date doesn't really mean anything. In fact, you should also go out for a couple of dates during the NC.
Hey JessB,
It wasn't a good idea to send the letter asking for a second chance. But yes, you still have a chance. Just follow the plan. Apply NC and then contact him. He going on a date doesn't really mean anything. In fact, you should also go out for a couple of dates during the NC.
What if you work with her and see her once a week. She is also a single mother. Her ex of 8 years was a horrible person. We were seeing each other and she said I was the man she prayed for and wishes I would have come into her life sooner. Her family loves me, so do her friends and people we work with. Then after Christmas she got really distant and told me she wasn't ready for anything and pushed me away HARD. I always treated her right and said sweet things and did things for her. I think she thought I was doing that to push her into something. There was no hidden meaning, just wanted to treat her right.
Carlos, no one can say why she pushed you away. There's no point obsessing over it. In time, you will find out. Just follow the plan.
Carlos, no one can say why she pushed you away. There's no point obsessing over it. In time, you will find out. Just follow the plan.
Hey Kevin
I broke up with my boyfriend due to long distance which came from starting a new job. I was in such an exciting time of my life that I felt I didnt need him but after things settled down I realised I had made the wrong decision. Over Christmas I made all of the mistakes you talked about and even got drunk and confessed my love and how I wanted him back. He looked after me the whole night while I cried and took me back to his house - we both realised this was a mistake. Since then he has told me that there is no chance that we will get back together because he does not feel that he will feel 100% happy if we do. He thinks that nothing has changed and the long distance issue will still be a problem. After, I told him I could deal with the break up but not with losing a friend and after a week of not replying he text me asking how the new job was going. We have been texting for a couple of days now.
I am very confused as to whether I have a chance or whether he just wants to be friends?! Please help!
Hey Molly,
I can't say for sure what he wants, but it seems he is confused about his feelings. You have two options.
1. Apply NC rule, and then start texting him again. This will give you some time to deal with your emotions and him some time to miss you and realize you are not needy.
2. Continue texting, build attraction and when you think the time is right, ask him to get back together. Tell him it's hard for you to stay friends with him and if he doesn't want to get back together, you should end all contact with him forever. And stick to your words.
Hey Molly,
I can't say for sure what he wants, but it seems he is confused about his feelings. You have two options.
1. Apply NC rule, and then start texting him again. This will give you some time to deal with your emotions and him some time to miss you and realize you are not needy.
2. Continue texting, build attraction and when you think the time is right, ask him to get back together. Tell him it's hard for you to stay friends with him and if he doesn't want to get back together, you should end all contact with him forever. And stick to your words.
Okay so my situation isnt as bad and my relationship isnt as strong or as serious as all of the other commenters, but i still have faced a breakup and it is effecting me and i do need advice..
Me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for around 6 months and things were going great till the last few weeks where he started to slightly act differently, and it led up to him breaking up with me abit over a week ago because he couldnt handle the distance and he wont be able to handle it for so long (we're still in the last year of highschool and wont be going to the same uni so the long distance would continue till after we graduate from university, but i WILL be visiting my hometown -where he lives- and so will he if he studies abroud)
After the breakup, We decided to still talk and be friends incase the chance pops up in the future.. And we have been talking- not the same way- but we are friends and we are keep intouch everyday.. Despite that, not being with him is killing me and i miss being with him so much.. He sometimes is off and doesnt show the love or gives me much attetion anymore and i am afraid that he will fully loose his feelings, i know it is expected but i really dont want him to..
I am considering the no contact rule since i have done a mistake or two that you have mentioned (acted like i needed him desperately, and showed him that i was not over him in long love messages) but i dont know if trying to get him back is worh risking the frienship too.. I know it would do me good to not contact him too.. but what if in that time he moves on? Should i just move on since its long distance? Or should i try and get him back by the no contact rule.. Im afraid of giving it a shot..
Also if i do it for just two weeks would that be okay in my sistuation? Because im afraid when we go back to talking afterwards, it might be awkward, or he might be mad at me for ignoring him.. Should i be obvious that i am ignoring him? Or should i act as if it is unintentional?
Not to mention, what do i tell him if he tells me that he misses me and wants to talk more often? Do i reject him? What if it back fires?
I really need advice about this, and please keep in mind that a "hangout" after the no contact rule would have to be skype for me, and that this whole thing is at a distance since we are in different contries.. I really do love him.
Please help!
Thankyou
Hey,
If he tries to contact you, you can simply tell him that you need some time and space right now and that you'll contact him after some time. You can say it politely without rejecting him. As for the long distance, I'll be honest, it's harder to get back with someone over long distance. Skyping helps, but still it's not as effective as meeting with someone. In your case, you should know that you'll be both in college with a completely new environment and your perspective on life and love will change quite a bit during that time.
But I will still recommend no contact, not just to get him to miss you but for you to realize that you don't need him to be happy. Apply NC for yourself and I am sure soon you'll realize that he is not as important as you are making him to be in your mind.
Hey,
If he tries to contact you, you can simply tell him that you need some time and space right now and that you'll contact him after some time. You can say it politely without rejecting him. As for the long distance, I'll be honest, it's harder to get back with someone over long distance. Skyping helps, but still it's not as effective as meeting with someone. In your case, you should know that you'll be both in college with a completely new environment and your perspective on life and love will change quite a bit during that time.
But I will still recommend no contact, not just to get him to miss you but for you to realize that you don't need him to be happy. Apply NC for yourself and I am sure soon you'll realize that he is not as important as you are making him to be in your mind.
My ex stopped talking to me. We were only seeing each other for 2 months but everything seemed to be going great. We were both so happy together. He bought me a toothbrush and shampoo & conditioner for his house, even have me a drawer. Out of no where he started saying things to me like "I'm no good. If you were smart you'd start running. I don't know what you see in me..." and the day after that completely stopped talking to me. That same day I text him as normal, but he never replied, the next day I text him a few times and called but never heard from him. So for the next five days I had no contact with him. After the five days, I showed up at his house and collected my things without trying to talk to him about anything, just "I'm here to get my things", he also didn't try to talk to me about anything. It's been 3 days since then.
Does this mean we are done for good?? Since the relationship was so young, is it salvageable? What should I do?
Natalie,
It's probably salvageable, but I'll highly recommend you wait a couple of months and date other people before trying to get back with him. You literally don't know anything about him and what he'll be like as a long term partner. Why would you want to waste a lot of time and effort in trying to revive a relationship with him. It'll make more sense in putting that time and effort in moving and start a relationship with someone new.
Natalie,
It's probably salvageable, but I'll highly recommend you wait a couple of months and date other people before trying to get back with him. You literally don't know anything about him and what he'll be like as a long term partner. Why would you want to waste a lot of time and effort in trying to revive a relationship with him. It'll make more sense in putting that time and effort in moving and start a relationship with someone new.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfirend and I split up 2 weeks ago, like a fool i have been texting etc and getting the minimal responses. However each night we text "miss you and love you" which too be honest is doing me no good whatsoever. She came round for dinner last Wednesday and we talked etc, but to be honest i think she is just playing mind games. What do you think the best approach is?
Thanks in advance
Brian
The best approach is always No contact.
The best approach is always No contact.
Was with my gf for about 5 months. She was my first serious relationship and my first partner. I thought everything was good, we went from best friends and at a family gathering one day, to her breaking up with me saying she has been fighting her feelings for weeks and doesn't love me anymore. It was her first serious relationship also. I was blindsided and heartbroken...that day I tried asking for reasons why we cant try making it work but she decline. Haven't had any contact in 8 days. Please help, I want her back. Our situation is unique, with family issues on both ends that we both were good with and helped each other out with. Is this relationship salvageable?
You can probably get her back but no one can say for sure. Your best bet is to follow the plan.
You can probably get her back but no one can say for sure. Your best bet is to follow the plan.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I agreed to break up in June last year as he was younger than me and we had different plans for the future. It was more my idea than his. However, we still loved each other and hung out like a couple up until end of September before we gradually saw less of each other. He would always tell me that he has never loved anyone as much as he had loved me. Or that if we met years later, our relationship would have been perfect. However, towards the end of October (about 1 month) after we stopped seeing each other, he started asking this girl out and now they are dating casually. They even went on a trip together in early December. He kept it from me but I only found out as a common friend told me. The girl he is dating is a friend of mine. We're not very close, but we would hang out sometimes. When I asked him about it, he told me that he doesn't know where the relationship with her is going but he just feels very happy when he's with her. He also told her he wouldn't get into a serious relationship with her until at least 6 months later. He was afraid I would be upset. He still told me that I was the girl he loved the most and he regretted letting me go but we have to move on because he can't give me what I want and now there's her.
I'm so hurt. I told him never to contact me again but he texted on new year's day to wish me. i only texted back 12 hours later. He's stopped texting me since. Is she a rebound? Do you think I can still get him back? Everything felt so sudden that he just liked someone else so quickly. He used to say that I could never be replaced but is he replacing me with her now? Please help me. What should I do?
I might just add that we were together for 2 years and I was his longest relationship and the one he always said was the best and most serious.
Hey Megan,
Yes, you can probably get him back and yes, she is probably a rebound. Apply the No contact rule and think really hard whether or not you want him back. Like he said, nothing has changed and you two still have different plans for the future.
Hey Megan,
Yes, you can probably get him back and yes, she is probably a rebound. Apply the No contact rule and think really hard whether or not you want him back. Like he said, nothing has changed and you two still have different plans for the future.
Hey Megan,
Yes, you can probably get him back and yes, she is probably a rebound. Apply the No contact rule and think really hard whether or not you want him back. Like he said, nothing has changed and you two still have different plans for the future.
I might just add that we were together for 2 years and I was his longest relationship and the one he always said was the best and most serious.
My ex and I broke up 3 months ago after 8 and a half years together. I cried and begged. Friends took sides. He went drinking and posted photos everyday on social media post breakup. To protect myself I unfollowed him and block him on Facebook. I tried patching up with him a few weeks after our breakup but he says he doesn't love me anymore. My heart broke and I decided to cease all contact with him except for once in November when my mum asked him to check up on me as I went on an overseas trip alone. We did not stay in contact until recently in January this year, he would text me once a week for the past 3 weeks to return me my stuff, and to get stuff back from me. I really love him and I don't know if we still stand a chance together but I don't know how to go about to start texting him. I'm scared because I don't know if he still has feelings..
Tina, use one of the messages in the article to get back in contact with him. Remember, guys like the chase. Don't show any signs of neediness.
Tina, use one of the messages in the article to get back in contact with him. Remember, guys like the chase. Don't show any signs of neediness.
Hei Kevin,
I was in a relationship for three years with a guy. We had an on and off relationship with him but every time we broke up he would immediately move on so fast and i would always be the one to call him first and try to work things out. We had talked a lot about marriage and he had asked a friend of mine to buy a ring (we were open about it). I had met his mother and he has also met my parents. We however broke up 3 months ago and after 3 weeks, i asked for us to meet. He came but this time told me that he had moved on and was not going to come back.
I later heard he is seeing someone who he is getting serious with. I heard that they are even having wedding preparations. I haven't contacted him for 2 months and haven't told him that i heard the news.
Its possible that the girl liked him even while we were seeing each other but i am sure he was not seeing anyone while we were together. He was really serious about getting married.
Just wondering how he would get into a serious relationship so fast. And also if the NC rule will work since they r getting married.
Yes, the no contact rule will work. He is probably in a rebound and won't go through with the marriage. However, there's nothing you can do if he does go through with the marriage. So be prepared for the worst.
Hello Kevin,
Last week after 2 and a half months of no contact. I contacted him. I had just thrown my graduation party and didn't send him an invite. So after a few days i sent him a message appreciating his support throughout my time in school. He replied really quickly with a short message then i asked him if he wanted to have cake from one i was going to take for my workmates. I honestly didn't think he would say yes because he always said he didn't like cake but to my surprise he set a date to come n pick it.
On that day i waited for his call n he called me later in the evening n cancelled saying he was busy n wanted to pick it the day after...(from what i know about him i think it was intentional). Anyway i told him later that nothing had been left from work (it had). He didn't reply and we haven't talked since. I'm stupid to think that he intended to keep me waiting then cancel on me later? Also do you think i overreacted?
No, I don't think you overreacted. You can apply no contact again and try contacting him again, but I'll recommend that you concentrate your effort on moving on.
Atleast your honest. Thx.
Atleast your honest. Thx.
Atleast your honest. Thx.
Atleast your honest. Thx.
Atleast your honest. Thx.
No, I don't think you overreacted. You can apply no contact again and try contacting him again, but I'll recommend that you concentrate your effort on moving on.
No, I don't think you overreacted. You can apply no contact again and try contacting him again, but I'll recommend that you concentrate your effort on moving on.
No, I don't think you overreacted. You can apply no contact again and try contacting him again, but I'll recommend that you concentrate your effort on moving on.
I and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 2years,he came back last December and asked for my hand in marriage when we start the marriage process we discovered we were both AS and if we proceed they are chances of giving brith to SS who will suffer tribble illness as we both are from Africa,both I suggested we use certain modern produres like CVS to check the baby before delivery he accepted later he called me and ended the relationship and said it was too risky and the chances of them dictating are slim,that is better we seperate that he will keep calling me from time to time to know how am doing,and if I need any help I should contact him,will NC work in this situation?
Hey Tee,
He has to realize whether he loves you enough to take the risk. And yes, giving him space and time is the best way to make him realize that. If he still chooses to stay separate after the NC, then you should let him go.
Hey Tee,
He has to realize whether he loves you enough to take the risk. And yes, giving him space and time is the best way to make him realize that. If he still chooses to stay separate after the NC, then you should let him go.
Hey Tee,
He has to realize whether he loves you enough to take the risk. And yes, giving him space and time is the best way to make him realize that. If he still chooses to stay separate after the NC, then you should let him go.
Hey Tee,
He has to realize whether he loves you enough to take the risk. And yes, giving him space and time is the best way to make him realize that. If he still chooses to stay separate after the NC, then you should let him go.
Hello Kevin,
Last week after 2 and a half months of no contact. I contacted him. I had just thrown my graduation party and didn't send him an invite. So after a few days i sent him a message appreciating his support throughout my time in school. He replied really quickly with a short message then i asked him if he wanted to have cake from one i was going to take for my workmates. I honestly didn't think he would say yes because he always said he didn't like cake but to my surprise he set a date to come n pick it.
On that day i waited for his call n he called me later in the evening n cancelled saying he was busy n wanted to pick it the day after...(from what i know about him i think it was intentional). Anyway i told him later that nothing had been left from work (it had). He didn't reply and we haven't talked since. I'm stupid to think that he intended to keep me waiting then cancel on me later? Also do you think i overreacted?
I and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 2years,he came back last December and asked for my hand in marriage when we start the marriage process we discovered we were both AS and if we proceed they are chances of giving brith to SS who will suffer tribble illness as we both are from Africa,both I suggested we use certain modern produres like CVS to check the baby before delivery he accepted later he called me and ended the relationship and said it was too risky and the chances of them dictating are slim,that is better we seperate that he will keep calling me from time to time to know how am doing,and if I need any help I should contact him,will NC work in this situation?
Hello Kevin,
Last week after 2 and a half months of no contact. I contacted him. I had just thrown my graduation party and didn't send him an invite. So after a few days i sent him a message appreciating his support throughout my time in school. He replied really quickly with a short message then i asked him if he wanted to have cake from one i was going to take for my workmates. I honestly didn't think he would say yes because he always said he didn't like cake but to my surprise he set a date to come n pick it.
On that day i waited for his call n he called me later in the evening n cancelled saying he was busy n wanted to pick it the day after...(from what i know about him i think it was intentional). Anyway i told him later that nothing had been left from work (it had). He didn't reply and we haven't talked since. I'm stupid to think that he intended to keep me waiting then cancel on me later? Also do you think i overreacted?
I and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 2years,he came back last December and asked for my hand in marriage when we start the marriage process we discovered we were both AS and if we proceed they are chances of giving brith to SS who will suffer tribble illness as we both are from Africa,both I suggested we use certain modern produres like CVS to check the baby before delivery he accepted later he called me and ended the relationship and said it was too risky and the chances of them dictating are slim,that is better we seperate that he will keep calling me from time to time to know how am doing,and if I need any help I should contact him,will NC work in this situation?
Yes, the no contact rule will work. He is probably in a rebound and won't go through with the marriage. However, there's nothing you can do if he does go through with the marriage. So be prepared for the worst.
So my ex boyfriend and I have been broken up now for nearly 7 months. He was actually out of the country when he did it so the "no contact" rule automatically applied even though I did try sending a few emails to only get nothing in return. After he returned back to the states, he wanted to see me and hang out. We ended up trying to friends route and well, because I still had feelings for him, it didn't go so well in my favor. I finally backed off and stopped calling, texting him, seeing him, and spending time together. Over a course of 2 weeks he sent me text messages everyday and blew up my phone. He knew that I was ignoring him. After multiple attempts on his part, he showed up at my house. I did invite him in and we did talk. Lately he has been very loving, affectionate, telling me he is still in love with me, has feelings for me, kisses me, touches me, holds my hand, misses being with me, wants to be with me, but then he throws in, "but I don't want to be in a relationship right now!" So of course I feel like a rollercoaster of emotions, feeling so lost and confused. He wants to still hang out and be friends but I am worried that I might possibly get permanently friend zoned. So, questions is, what do I do now? What is it going to take for him to want to be in a relationship again? Is this a hopeless case? Should I let him go and move on or should I try the friendship route? Thank you for your time!
Hey A,
Don't try the friendship route. I'd recommend to let him know that you can never be friends with him and if he wants to be with you, he should commit. Don't give him an option to have his cake and eat it too. Hopefully, he will choose to commit, if not, be prepared to move on and cut all contact with him for good.
Hey A,
Don't try the friendship route. I'd recommend to let him know that you can never be friends with him and if he wants to be with you, he should commit. Don't give him an option to have his cake and eat it too. Hopefully, he will choose to commit, if not, be prepared to move on and cut all contact with him for good.
Hey Kevin,
My gf broke up with me in December.I decided to started No contact 2 weeks ago.We go to the same college,so we will start to see each other almost everyday after February 24,but I will complete 30 days of No contact in February 8,my question is,should I wait until she sees the new me to start contact?Or should I contact her after 30 days of No Contact?
Ps: She broke up with me because my insecurity killed her attraction for me.
So after 34 days of No contact I texted her about something that reminded me of her but she just ignored my message,what should I do now?
Wait another 10 days and send her the letter mentioned in this article. Then wait another 20 days and send her another text. If you still don't get a reply from her, it'll be a wise idea to move on.
Wait another 10 days and send her the letter mentioned in this article. Then wait another 20 days and send her another text. If you still don't get a reply from her, it'll be a wise idea to move on.
Wait another 10 days and send her the letter mentioned in this article. Then wait another 20 days and send her another text. If you still don't get a reply from her, it'll be a wise idea to move on.
Wait 30 days. Let her see you and wonder for a little while.
So after 34 days of No contact I texted her about something that reminded me of her but she just ignored my message,what should I do now?
Wait 30 days. Let her see you and wonder for a little while.
My boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years, most of it was long distance. He broke up with me 9 months ago and I want him back more than anything. He claims that the reason for the breakup was that his feelings changed, but I feel like the real reason was because of a lot of pressure from his parents. We come from different countries and cultures and they didn't want their son with someone of a different background and didn't want to accept our relationship even though they had never met me. I've been trying to do minimal contact the past few months (about once every couple of months) and I thought that was going fine. The problem is that last week my friend sent him a message on Facebook (without my permission) and told him that I still love him. Needless to say, he wasn't too happy. What do I do in a case like this? I didn't contact him apologizing for her behavior, because I didn't want to make the situation even worse. i feel like there could still be feelings there, but he is so stubborn and pushes his feelings away if he feels like it is what he has to do and I know he feels a responsibility to his parents. I just feel so lost.
Hey,
I don't think you can do anything unless he makes a move and decides that he won't let his parents decide what's best for him. He probably does have feelings for you and maybe you can resurface those feelings by re-initiating contact, but in the end, he'll not commit unless he is ready to face his parents. I highly recommend you concentrate your efforts on moving on.
I'm not ready to do that. I truly believe in what we had and I believe he is my future. I'm a determined person and i'm determined to get my life back on track with him in it. sorry
Hey, you don't have to be sorry. It was just my recommendation and I know how hard it is to give up on someone whom you are in love with. So, I guess you should just follow the plan and try to get him back. I hope things work out for you. If you have any questions, I'll try to answer you with the best of my capabilities.
Thank you. I know some people think I'm crazy and need to move on and so i get a little defensive at times. I hope it didn't come off that way. I will hopefully be visiting my friend in march (She lives in the same country and city as him) and then plan on moving there in June for a job, so hopefully being closer to him will help things out.
All the best!!
All the best!!
All the best!!
All the best!!
All the best!!
All the best!!
Thank you. I know some people think I'm crazy and need to move on and so i get a little defensive at times. I hope it didn't come off that way. I will hopefully be visiting my friend in march (She lives in the same country and city as him) and then plan on moving there in June for a job, so hopefully being closer to him will help things out.
Thank you. I know some people think I'm crazy and need to move on and so i get a little defensive at times. I hope it didn't come off that way. I will hopefully be visiting my friend in march (She lives in the same country and city as him) and then plan on moving there in June for a job, so hopefully being closer to him will help things out.
Thank you. I know some people think I'm crazy and need to move on and so i get a little defensive at times. I hope it didn't come off that way. I will hopefully be visiting my friend in march (She lives in the same country and city as him) and then plan on moving there in June for a job, so hopefully being closer to him will help things out.
Thank you. I know some people think I'm crazy and need to move on and so i get a little defensive at times. I hope it didn't come off that way. I will hopefully be visiting my friend in march (She lives in the same country and city as him) and then plan on moving there in June for a job, so hopefully being closer to him will help things out.
Hey, you don't have to be sorry. It was just my recommendation and I know how hard it is to give up on someone whom you are in love with. So, I guess you should just follow the plan and try to get him back. I hope things work out for you. If you have any questions, I'll try to answer you with the best of my capabilities.
Hey, you don't have to be sorry. It was just my recommendation and I know how hard it is to give up on someone whom you are in love with. So, I guess you should just follow the plan and try to get him back. I hope things work out for you. If you have any questions, I'll try to answer you with the best of my capabilities.
Hey, you don't have to be sorry. It was just my recommendation and I know how hard it is to give up on someone whom you are in love with. So, I guess you should just follow the plan and try to get him back. I hope things work out for you. If you have any questions, I'll try to answer you with the best of my capabilities.
I'm not ready to do that. I truly believe in what we had and I believe he is my future. I'm a determined person and i'm determined to get my life back on track with him in it. sorry
I'm not ready to do that. I truly believe in what we had and I believe he is my future. I'm a determined person and i'm determined to get my life back on track with him in it. sorry
Hey,
I don't think you can do anything unless he makes a move and decides that he won't let his parents decide what's best for him. He probably does have feelings for you and maybe you can resurface those feelings by re-initiating contact, but in the end, he'll not commit unless he is ready to face his parents. I highly recommend you concentrate your efforts on moving on.
How do you prove to your ex-boyfriend that you won't assume or accuse him of anything anymore?
If you try to prove him, it'll be quite obvious that you are just trying to prove him. The best way to is to actually work on your insecurities and your communication skills (there's always a way to talk about your concern without accusing or assuming) and it'll show whenever you talk to him.
If you try to prove him, it'll be quite obvious that you are just trying to prove him. The best way to is to actually work on your insecurities and your communication skills (there's always a way to talk about your concern without accusing or assuming) and it'll show whenever you talk to him.
hey, my bf and i broke up about 2 months now. in that time we started talking in like after a month or so, he says he still loves me and he wants to get back with me but he needs some time to sort out somethings that he is currently going through, i said i will give him that time but we still chat, we have slept together during this time that we have been apart but he is text flirting with other girls. he says they are just friends but to me it doesnt seem like it, he says now that he doesnt talk to them anymore, i did make some of the mistakes you mentioned. im so confused at the moment. does he really want to get back with me and is he lying about this whole thing bout him going through something. please help me!
Don't sleep with him unless he commits. Apply NC for a while and tell him you also need some time and space. Tell him you'll contact him after some time and if he's sorted out his life you'll get back with him otherwise, you'll move on.
Don't sleep with him unless he commits. Apply NC for a while and tell him you also need some time and space. Tell him you'll contact him after some time and if he's sorted out his life you'll get back with him otherwise, you'll move on.
hey im sorry i forgot to tell you the reason that we broke up. when we started dating he never wanted to leave my side and i had no problem with that, he was on drugs when we met but i had asked him to stop because i love him and its only going to ruin his life. he did stop. about 1 month or 2 months before we broke up he started joining these group of boys who he never spoke about before but all of a sudden they are best friends, these boys are heavy on drugs and alcohol. i had asked him to stop joining them as it was putting strain on our relationship but he didnt want to. when we were together he used to lie constantly to me and do things behind my back. he eventually left me cause of a pic that i took of me and posted on fb, it was not a bad pic but i think he was just looking for an excuse to break up, he now cant stay away from those boys and sometimes tells me how lonely he is and what we would have been doing. what should i think? is there hope?
You really need to apply no contact and think real hard whether you want him back or not. He lies constantly and has drug problems that will probably keep coming back for the rest of his life. Do you really want a life partner like that?
You really need to apply no contact and think real hard whether you want him back or not. He lies constantly and has drug problems that will probably keep coming back for the rest of his life. Do you really want a life partner like that?
Help
My gf started ignoring me because she found out i was hanging out with another girl as friends and she blew stuff out of proportion. So what she did was just straight out ignored me for a week. I said something that shouldn't have said.
" Im tired. Do you want to end this relationship? when you are angry you are always like this! I got nothing but stress everyday i think about you i get stress!"
She then blocks me. I don't know what to do anymore. Is this salvagable?
Probably. I don't think your relationship is technically over. Give her some time and let her anger subside. Talk to her after that and see how she responds.
Probably. I don't think your relationship is technically over. Give her some time and let her anger subside. Talk to her after that and see how she responds.
Hey, so my ex and I were together for 2 years, the last 6 months have been on and off and we finally became official again about a month ago. We are long distance and it was good to feel like it was finally working out even though I went back home and we were far away again. We got in an argument a week ago and he ended up breaking up with me the next day, saying this time it can't be a break and for us both to move on and if it works in the distant future then it does, but in the meantime no talking. The problem is he is moving here in a week, but will be living with his friend. How do I handle this? Just follow the no contact rule? I already feel like his friends (who have been extremely involved in our relationship and cruel to me) have influenced him greatly in this and it's super frustrating, his brother even told me he would be disappointed with him if he contacted me again, which is so hurtful. I have emailed him a few times, the the first was nice but ended with no response on his part, the next two not so much because of frustration of being ignored and the last one I calmed down and realized it would get me no where being mean. He absolutely won't answer and is great at ignoring which is how he also handles conflict. I'm afraid I'll never get the closure I want or that there won't be a chance for us again. What can I do? I just can't see him being down here only knowing his friend and friend's fiancee and me and just not contacting me or responding. Thanks!
Hey Catherine,
Follow the no contact rule. And then contact him using one of the methods mentioned in the plan. Yes, his friends and brother are influencing him, but in the end, he'll have to decide whether he wants to contact you or not and the letter mentioned in the article is extremely effective in getting an ex to contact you again.
Thanks for the response, it's just super hard not having answers. Like I want to shake him and say this is your friends influencing you which is why we broke up the first time and were on and off. Because he realized that wasn't what he wanted but felt pressured. Even the last couple of months he admitted it was a big regret to let them affect us like that. How am I supposed to feel ok with no answers and then when the 30 days is up am I still not supposed to ask for any?
Oh and does the 30 days count since we broke up and haven't talked or since the last message I sent? And I am just supposed to ignore that he is now down the street from me instead of 9 hours away in a week?
30 days count since the last message you sent. Yes, you have to ignore that he is close to you and you have to concentrate on yourself. You have to learn to be happy without him and learn to not obsess over him so much. I know it's hard not knowing the answers, but you need to learn to live with that.
When you contact him again, I will recommend you take things slowly and don't start pressuring him into giving you answers. Build attraction for a while before you start talking about your relationship and what went wrong.
30 days count since the last message you sent. Yes, you have to ignore that he is close to you and you have to concentrate on yourself. You have to learn to be happy without him and learn to not obsess over him so much. I know it's hard not knowing the answers, but you need to learn to live with that.
When you contact him again, I will recommend you take things slowly and don't start pressuring him into giving you answers. Build attraction for a while before you start talking about your relationship and what went wrong.
30 days count since the last message you sent. Yes, you have to ignore that he is close to you and you have to concentrate on yourself. You have to learn to be happy without him and learn to not obsess over him so much. I know it's hard not knowing the answers, but you need to learn to live with that.
When you contact him again, I will recommend you take things slowly and don't start pressuring him into giving you answers. Build attraction for a while before you start talking about your relationship and what went wrong.
30 days count since the last message you sent. Yes, you have to ignore that he is close to you and you have to concentrate on yourself. You have to learn to be happy without him and learn to not obsess over him so much. I know it's hard not knowing the answers, but you need to learn to live with that.
When you contact him again, I will recommend you take things slowly and don't start pressuring him into giving you answers. Build attraction for a while before you start talking about your relationship and what went wrong.
30 days count since the last message you sent. Yes, you have to ignore that he is close to you and you have to concentrate on yourself. You have to learn to be happy without him and learn to not obsess over him so much. I know it's hard not knowing the answers, but you need to learn to live with that.
When you contact him again, I will recommend you take things slowly and don't start pressuring him into giving you answers. Build attraction for a while before you start talking about your relationship and what went wrong.
Oh and does the 30 days count since we broke up and haven't talked or since the last message I sent? And I am just supposed to ignore that he is now down the street from me instead of 9 hours away in a week?
Oh and does the 30 days count since we broke up and haven't talked or since the last message I sent? And I am just supposed to ignore that he is now down the street from me instead of 9 hours away in a week?
Oh and does the 30 days count since we broke up and haven't talked or since the last message I sent? And I am just supposed to ignore that he is now down the street from me instead of 9 hours away in a week?
Thanks for the response, it's just super hard not having answers. Like I want to shake him and say this is your friends influencing you which is why we broke up the first time and were on and off. Because he realized that wasn't what he wanted but felt pressured. Even the last couple of months he admitted it was a big regret to let them affect us like that. How am I supposed to feel ok with no answers and then when the 30 days is up am I still not supposed to ask for any?
Thanks for the response, it's just super hard not having answers. Like I want to shake him and say this is your friends influencing you which is why we broke up the first time and were on and off. Because he realized that wasn't what he wanted but felt pressured. Even the last couple of months he admitted it was a big regret to let them affect us like that. How am I supposed to feel ok with no answers and then when the 30 days is up am I still not supposed to ask for any?
Hey Catherine,
Follow the no contact rule. And then contact him using one of the methods mentioned in the plan. Yes, his friends and brother are influencing him, but in the end, he'll have to decide whether he wants to contact you or not and the letter mentioned in the article is extremely effective in getting an ex to contact you again.
I haven't gotten any replies. Not sure why
Hey,
I replied to your comment here.
Hey,
I replied to your comment here.
got it. Thx
Hi Kevin
My girl friend broke up with me on my birthday claiming that she did not have feeling for me anymore since we grew apart almost four years. she was in Africa and i was here for four years. when she arrived she took only four days then she started changing because when she arrived, i wanted to know whether she still loved me and i pretended that the relationship was over. then she cried and asked why i brought her here in USA. from there on she ask me six months break which i did not take because we kept on fighting then when i went back to talk to her, she ask me to give her more time then finally she told me that it was over. I did not take it lightly and i became mad and i started suspecting my friend whom she was sharing some personal information and I started threatening them and she did not like that. i even went a head and told the mother about this guy and his personal life which was not good. then one day she called me and told me that "Philip you have destroyed everything now" then i asked her what she meant and she told me that now how would she take me back to her family after telling her mom everything . But whenever i told this lady to call me she would call me. after having a bad argument i decided have No Contact rule do you think I can still get her back i really love her.
Well, you messed up. But the good news is, no matter how bad you mess up, time heals everything. People usually forgive and forget other people's mistakes after a while. So yeah, you can probably still get her back. Just give her some time.
Well, you messed up. But the good news is, no matter how bad you mess up, time heals everything. People usually forgive and forget other people's mistakes after a while. So yeah, you can probably still get her back. Just give her some time.
Hi, I dated a guy for over a month intensively, we had a great time together as we have the same type of humor, he'll cook for me, met my friends, he was the one who always texted me first every day just to say goodnight, We spend weekends together, he always suggested to meet and suddenly a week ago he told me "I need space, I want spend more time with my friends and family and I don't want to get in to a relationship right now!" I am 30 and I want to make sure I want this since I don't want to rush into a relationship and break up 1 year after". We went for a walk right after he said that, I was in shock since I couldn't believe what was coming from his mouth as he was the one who was intense and really in to from the start! He said it feels like we have been dating for 4 months when it only has been one. I told him do you want me to see other people then!? He said you don't have to ask me for permission do whatever you want, I asked again but he never confirmed.... We kept walking side to side in silence and then he grabbed me and said " Listen I am not telling you I never wanna see you again, I like you, let's keep seeing each other and see where this goes?". I panick so I told him listen you are my dream guy and the plan was to keep dating to see where this goes but now you make me feel like I am taking you away from quality time with your friends etc when it has been you who always suggested to meet. I said I know what I want and you don't want it so take care and enjoy your time with the people that matter to you and I ran away. I thought he will write to me and tell me I over reacted and will give me confirmation he wants to keep seeing me but now I am on day 7 of no contact! Is this over? Maybe he thinks I dumped him and that's why he hasn't written? Could he just be simply taking his space and contact me soon or is this all really over? I like him a lot, I cried my heart out and I miss him. I want him back!!!! Is there any hope for us?
Hey Maria,
If I had to guess, he is a little put off by your panicking and the way you reacted. I think, it was right of you to let him know what you wanted. But I am guessing you didn't say it in a calm and rational manner.
I can't say if it's really over or he'll contact you. But I guess the best course of action is give him another 21 days to contact you. If he doesn't, you contact him after that and see how he responds. If his response is cold and he doesn't seem interested, it's time to move on.
Hey Maria,
If I had to guess, he is a little put off by your panicking and the way you reacted. I think, it was right of you to let him know what you wanted. But I am guessing you didn't say it in a calm and rational manner.
I can't say if it's really over or he'll contact you. But I guess the best course of action is give him another 21 days to contact you. If he doesn't, you contact him after that and see how he responds. If his response is cold and he doesn't seem interested, it's time to move on.
Hi Kevin, my bf and I broke up about 2 weeks ago after being together for 5 years. We had an argument when I mentioned breaking up in a fit of anger and to my surprise, he agreed. I was desperate and of course, appeared clingy but he insisted he has lost feelings for me. After not contacting him for 3 days, he wanted the relationship back because he thought we could try again. But after a week, he decided that he really can't commit himself because he's more assured that he has no more love for me. I was really upset and literally broke down. I tried not contacting him for 4 days but could not control (because I didn't know of this NC period). We met up and he told me he wanted to be friends for now because he has really no more love for me. I agreed to be friends. Since then we have not been contacting for 5 days. I'm really afraid that because he has turned back once, he will not turn back again. And due to some events, we might even need to meet up with common friends during this NC period. What should I do? Am afraid he might feel uncomfortable if I turn up for these events. I don't know if there is a chance that he still wants the relationship back because the one week when we got back together just assured him that I'm not the one, that's why the official break up.
Hey Tan,
He just lost attraction for you. You can make him attracted to you again. You were together for 5 years, so you need to make some major changes in your life to make him feel attracted again. Like I mentioned in the article, make as much positive changes in your life as you can during the NC period. It's going to work like magic on him when he sees you again. And be confident about yourself.
As for the event, if you can go, you can go. Just treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Don't worry whether or not he'll be uncomfortable. Think about yourself. Will you be uncomfortable seeing him? Will seeing him defeat the purpose of NC? (That is to work on your happiness and learn to live without him). If so, then avoid the events. If you think you can handle it, go and have fun.
Hi Kevin, do I really have to go on dates with other guys during this NC period? Because the reason for the failure of this relationship was due to me being too controlling and perhaps jealous of his close female friend which he ended up telling this friend about his feelings instead of communicating to me where the problem of our relationship lies. But the decision to break up seems like it has undergone some careful consideration as he felt his feelings have faded during the past few months, during which he has also often hung out with this particular girl. So I'm not really sure if he has develop some kind of feelings towards her during this period or what. It's like fading feelings for me + develop feelings for others + work pressure = break up with me. Am afraid that going out with other guys would mean that he sees me as I've already moved on and he can now openly court that girl or something. I really don't know what I should do now.
Hey Tan,
In my opinion, it's going to help you get some perspective and realize what's best for you. I don't think he'll see you as you've already moved on. And even if he does, he is going to realize whether or not he wants to lose you forever. Moreover, when you contact him after the NC period, he'll realize that he still has a chance of being with you. And he might want to grab that opportunity. As for him being with the other girl, yes there's a chance that he might do that. But, there's a chance he might do that anyways. If he already told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you and that means nothing is stopping him from seeing other people and nothing is stopping you too. IMO, dating has a little bit of risk but the advantage is gives you is worth it.
Hi Kevin, while I'm not confident that I can win him back, I'll try. But what I'm more afraid of is that he left me once (or twice considering we patched back once) be it because of other girls, lost attraction or work pressure, so what is to stop him from leaving me again? It's day 17 since we broke up and although I try to live myself as usual, I still feel a sense of loss. I may smile or laugh at certain things but I can't feel truly happy inside even though I'm not grieving (or crying) over the lost relationship. Yes, I may not need him since I've survived 17 days but I want to be together with him again. Yet I'm afraid of getting myself hurt if at some point he lost attraction for me again or due to work pressure. In a dilemma.
That's the thing you need to think about Tan. Do you really want someone who bailed on you so many times without any fault of yours. That's what no contact period is for. Whenever you two decide to get back together, you need to make it clear that you want commitment and you don't want him bailing on you every time he has a problem with the relationship or his personal life. You have to be confident enough to know that you deserve the best and if he is not willing to make a commitment like that, you'll find someone who will.
The no contact period is mostly about building up that type of confidence. That's why it's more important.
That's the thing you need to think about Tan. Do you really want someone who bailed on you so many times without any fault of yours. That's what no contact period is for. Whenever you two decide to get back together, you need to make it clear that you want commitment and you don't want him bailing on you every time he has a problem with the relationship or his personal life. You have to be confident enough to know that you deserve the best and if he is not willing to make a commitment like that, you'll find someone who will.
The no contact period is mostly about building up that type of confidence. That's why it's more important.
That's the thing you need to think about Tan. Do you really want someone who bailed on you so many times without any fault of yours. That's what no contact period is for. Whenever you two decide to get back together, you need to make it clear that you want commitment and you don't want him bailing on you every time he has a problem with the relationship or his personal life. You have to be confident enough to know that you deserve the best and if he is not willing to make a commitment like that, you'll find someone who will.
The no contact period is mostly about building up that type of confidence. That's why it's more important.
That's the thing you need to think about Tan. Do you really want someone who bailed on you so many times without any fault of yours. That's what no contact period is for. Whenever you two decide to get back together, you need to make it clear that you want commitment and you don't want him bailing on you every time he has a problem with the relationship or his personal life. You have to be confident enough to know that you deserve the best and if he is not willing to make a commitment like that, you'll find someone who will.
The no contact period is mostly about building up that type of confidence. That's why it's more important.
That's the thing you need to think about Tan. Do you really want someone who bailed on you so many times without any fault of yours. That's what no contact period is for. Whenever you two decide to get back together, you need to make it clear that you want commitment and you don't want him bailing on you every time he has a problem with the relationship or his personal life. You have to be confident enough to know that you deserve the best and if he is not willing to make a commitment like that, you'll find someone who will.
The no contact period is mostly about building up that type of confidence. That's why it's more important.
That's the thing you need to think about Tan. Do you really want someone who bailed on you so many times without any fault of yours. That's what no contact period is for. Whenever you two decide to get back together, you need to make it clear that you want commitment and you don't want him bailing on you every time he has a problem with the relationship or his personal life. You have to be confident enough to know that you deserve the best and if he is not willing to make a commitment like that, you'll find someone who will.
The no contact period is mostly about building up that type of confidence. That's why it's more important.
Hi Kevin, while I'm not confident that I can win him back, I'll try. But what I'm more afraid of is that he left me once (or twice considering we patched back once) be it because of other girls, lost attraction or work pressure, so what is to stop him from leaving me again? It's day 17 since we broke up and although I try to live myself as usual, I still feel a sense of loss. I may smile or laugh at certain things but I can't feel truly happy inside even though I'm not grieving (or crying) over the lost relationship. Yes, I may not need him since I've survived 17 days but I want to be together with him again. Yet I'm afraid of getting myself hurt if at some point he lost attraction for me again or due to work pressure. In a dilemma.
Hi Kevin, while I'm not confident that I can win him back, I'll try. But what I'm more afraid of is that he left me once (or twice considering we patched back once) be it because of other girls, lost attraction or work pressure, so what is to stop him from leaving me again? It's day 17 since we broke up and although I try to live myself as usual, I still feel a sense of loss. I may smile or laugh at certain things but I can't feel truly happy inside even though I'm not grieving (or crying) over the lost relationship. Yes, I may not need him since I've survived 17 days but I want to be together with him again. Yet I'm afraid of getting myself hurt if at some point he lost attraction for me again or due to work pressure. In a dilemma.
Hi Kevin, while I'm not confident that I can win him back, I'll try. But what I'm more afraid of is that he left me once (or twice considering we patched back once) be it because of other girls, lost attraction or work pressure, so what is to stop him from leaving me again? It's day 17 since we broke up and although I try to live myself as usual, I still feel a sense of loss. I may smile or laugh at certain things but I can't feel truly happy inside even though I'm not grieving (or crying) over the lost relationship. Yes, I may not need him since I've survived 17 days but I want to be together with him again. Yet I'm afraid of getting myself hurt if at some point he lost attraction for me again or due to work pressure. In a dilemma.
Hi Kevin, while I'm not confident that I can win him back, I'll try. But what I'm more afraid of is that he left me once (or twice considering we patched back once) be it because of other girls, lost attraction or work pressure, so what is to stop him from leaving me again? It's day 17 since we broke up and although I try to live myself as usual, I still feel a sense of loss. I may smile or laugh at certain things but I can't feel truly happy inside even though I'm not grieving (or crying) over the lost relationship. Yes, I may not need him since I've survived 17 days but I want to be together with him again. Yet I'm afraid of getting myself hurt if at some point he lost attraction for me again or due to work pressure. In a dilemma.
Hey Tan,
In my opinion, it's going to help you get some perspective and realize what's best for you. I don't think he'll see you as you've already moved on. And even if he does, he is going to realize whether or not he wants to lose you forever. Moreover, when you contact him after the NC period, he'll realize that he still has a chance of being with you. And he might want to grab that opportunity. As for him being with the other girl, yes there's a chance that he might do that. But, there's a chance he might do that anyways. If he already told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you and that means nothing is stopping him from seeing other people and nothing is stopping you too. IMO, dating has a little bit of risk but the advantage is gives you is worth it.
Hey Tan,
In my opinion, it's going to help you get some perspective and realize what's best for you. I don't think he'll see you as you've already moved on. And even if he does, he is going to realize whether or not he wants to lose you forever. Moreover, when you contact him after the NC period, he'll realize that he still has a chance of being with you. And he might want to grab that opportunity. As for him being with the other girl, yes there's a chance that he might do that. But, there's a chance he might do that anyways. If he already told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you and that means nothing is stopping him from seeing other people and nothing is stopping you too. IMO, dating has a little bit of risk but the advantage is gives you is worth it.
Hey Tan,
In my opinion, it's going to help you get some perspective and realize what's best for you. I don't think he'll see you as you've already moved on. And even if he does, he is going to realize whether or not he wants to lose you forever. Moreover, when you contact him after the NC period, he'll realize that he still has a chance of being with you. And he might want to grab that opportunity. As for him being with the other girl, yes there's a chance that he might do that. But, there's a chance he might do that anyways. If he already told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you and that means nothing is stopping him from seeing other people and nothing is stopping you too. IMO, dating has a little bit of risk but the advantage is gives you is worth it.
Hi Kevin, do I really have to go on dates with other guys during this NC period? Because the reason for the failure of this relationship was due to me being too controlling and perhaps jealous of his close female friend which he ended up telling this friend about his feelings instead of communicating to me where the problem of our relationship lies. But the decision to break up seems like it has undergone some careful consideration as he felt his feelings have faded during the past few months, during which he has also often hung out with this particular girl. So I'm not really sure if he has develop some kind of feelings towards her during this period or what. It's like fading feelings for me + develop feelings for others + work pressure = break up with me. Am afraid that going out with other guys would mean that he sees me as I've already moved on and he can now openly court that girl or something. I really don't know what I should do now.
Hi Kevin, do I really have to go on dates with other guys during this NC period? Because the reason for the failure of this relationship was due to me being too controlling and perhaps jealous of his close female friend which he ended up telling this friend about his feelings instead of communicating to me where the problem of our relationship lies. But the decision to break up seems like it has undergone some careful consideration as he felt his feelings have faded during the past few months, during which he has also often hung out with this particular girl. So I'm not really sure if he has develop some kind of feelings towards her during this period or what. It's like fading feelings for me + develop feelings for others + work pressure = break up with me. Am afraid that going out with other guys would mean that he sees me as I've already moved on and he can now openly court that girl or something. I really don't know what I should do now.
Hey Tan,
He just lost attraction for you. You can make him attracted to you again. You were together for 5 years, so you need to make some major changes in your life to make him feel attracted again. Like I mentioned in the article, make as much positive changes in your life as you can during the NC period. It's going to work like magic on him when he sees you again. And be confident about yourself.
As for the event, if you can go, you can go. Just treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Don't worry whether or not he'll be uncomfortable. Think about yourself. Will you be uncomfortable seeing him? Will seeing him defeat the purpose of NC? (That is to work on your happiness and learn to live without him). If so, then avoid the events. If you think you can handle it, go and have fun.
My gf and I broke up last year due to differences, most her idea than mine. Out of nowhere she texted me last august to catch up maybe, we started talking again it seemed she wanted to get back 2 gether but she didnt, we last spoke on october i said I cant be friend with her, she said she missed me but she cant get back with me even thought she still have some feelings for me, said "i think i dont love you anymore" blah blah blah, we both went nc til my birthday she texted me, then nc again, until 2 weeks ago she texted with some trivial shit. I guess she's just fooling around. I still have feelings and I see there's no chance to get back together. Wish I could just completly move on but she keeps coming back and talking to me, the moment I'm starting to let go the moment she pops up again. Is there a chance?
Don
Hey Don,
I guess the best thing to do is to not reply to her when she texts you. I know it's hard when you still have hope to get back together, but in your case, this hope is keeping you from moving on when deep inside you know that's the right thing to do.
Hey Don,
I guess the best thing to do is to not reply to her when she texts you. I know it's hard when you still have hope to get back together, but in your case, this hope is keeping you from moving on when deep inside you know that's the right thing to do.
Hello Kevin, i finished with my ex girlfriend of two years roughly 5 months ago,my mistake to which i have apolagised to her , did all the pleading and begging to get her back in the 1st month , left her alone and eventually started talking again and going to see her and her 2 children . she said she wasnt in love with me anymore and wanted to be just friends , tried it but told her i couldnt do it as im still in love with her . started no contact in dec and have not heard from her since, about 40 days or so. ive made changes to my life , i go swimming nearly everyday and im trying really hard to improve myself as a person. we lived together for a year and half and was fantastic , justed messed up but we are all human and things happen , just miss her so much and i know in my heart that she is the one . i know i could never love anyone else , im 46 and she is 36 . i love her and her children and i really got on well with them . Do i leave them alone to let them get on with their lives ? just so confused as what to do ? should i just wait and hope that she says hello sometime in the future ? thanks for your time , Dan
Dan, give yourself one chance to see if the relationship works. Apply NC for 20 more days. Then contact her, follow the plan. And see if she wants to get back together. Promise yourself that you will give it one try and one try only and if it doesn't work, you'll concentrate on moving on.
Dan, give yourself one chance to see if the relationship works. Apply NC for 20 more days. Then contact her, follow the plan. And see if she wants to get back together. Promise yourself that you will give it one try and one try only and if it doesn't work, you'll concentrate on moving on.
my girlfriend of 4 years broke it off a week ago. she stopped talking to me because i had lied to her about something and she was pissed. it was anything huge but she is making it out be big. she told me i had lied to many times to her and she cannot trust my word. so i let her cool off for about 4 days then i contacted her and tried to reason with her that she can trust me but she said that she has to go with her gut and its telling her she can't trust my words its just happened to many times. after we talked about our relationship then the conversation got more light hearted and we laughed a little and then i asked if she could "ever " be with me again and she said she couldn't answer that but for right now she can't be with me. which was difficult to take but i did and kept my cool so we talk for about another 30 minutes about us calmly and relaxed. then she had to go and she told me that she still loves me a lot and cares about me but she needs to find herself and let these lies go. she told me if i ever needed anyone to talk to i could call her and talk but she told me not to get my hopes up unless she said it was more then friends. my question is how to go about this and if theres hope for our relationship? keep in mind she is away at school but its only 40 minutes away and i always visited and she's not the kind of girl to talk to any guys or do anything so I'm not worried about that.
yeah, you're right. i do need to learn how to be satisfied and happy on my own. i feel like I'm progressing and I'm not feeling as dependent on her anymore! i feel as though she would add to my happiness instead if be all of it. but, just a question, are there ever relationships where one partner tells the other "its over" and that they are "moving on", but actually come to realize they still want to be with them later down the road? do the ever go back on what they say?
Yes, I've come across many cases like that in the past 2 years. So yes, there's still hope.
Thank you for reading and responding in this time of need to me and all the other people fortunate enough to have found this site. you have great advice, i have learned a lot from you and deeply appreciate it. i will stick to the plan of no contact until i see a change in myself then i will contact her and see how it goes. thanks again for all the help.
Thank you for your kind words. :)
Thank you for your kind words. :)
Thank you for your kind words. :)
Thank you for your kind words. :)
Thank you for your kind words. :)
Thank you for reading and responding in this time of need to me and all the other people fortunate enough to have found this site. you have great advice, i have learned a lot from you and deeply appreciate it. i will stick to the plan of no contact until i see a change in myself then i will contact her and see how it goes. thanks again for all the help.
Thank you for reading and responding in this time of need to me and all the other people fortunate enough to have found this site. you have great advice, i have learned a lot from you and deeply appreciate it. i will stick to the plan of no contact until i see a change in myself then i will contact her and see how it goes. thanks again for all the help.
Thank you for reading and responding in this time of need to me and all the other people fortunate enough to have found this site. you have great advice, i have learned a lot from you and deeply appreciate it. i will stick to the plan of no contact until i see a change in myself then i will contact her and see how it goes. thanks again for all the help.
Yes, I've come across many cases like that in the past 2 years. So yes, there's still hope.
Yes, I've come across many cases like that in the past 2 years. So yes, there's still hope.
K, apply no contact and give her the space and time she needs. Then contact her again and see how how she responds.
Okay. I will follow the plan. Then only thing I'm worried about is if she starts to associate our relatioship with only the bad things I've done while I'm applying no contact. I've always been the one chasing so it's hard for me too imagine her swallowing her pride and taking me back. I feel like she's just going to keep telling herself all the bad things and none of the good things about us. Does this happen or am I just being irrational?
Usually, when you miss someone, you start thinking about the good things about them. So don't worry about that.
I haven't contacted her in a week and I'm not feeling better, I still feel as though she's just going to move on.. The longest we ever went with out talking was 10 days in the 4 years we were together. So not contacted her this long feels like it's over... I just don't know what to do because I feel as though she's going to move in so then when I contact her again I'm just going to get rejected. I'm just worried.
Well, I don't think she will move on in 10 days. Think about it. If you can't move on so easily, how can she? Maybe she needs a little more time to miss you, but she'll get there. One more thing you need to think about is why do you need her to feel better? Don't you think you should learn to be happy and satisfied on your own rather than depend on your ex for happiness?
Well, I don't think she will move on in 10 days. Think about it. If you can't move on so easily, how can she? Maybe she needs a little more time to miss you, but she'll get there. One more thing you need to think about is why do you need her to feel better? Don't you think you should learn to be happy and satisfied on your own rather than depend on your ex for happiness?
Well, I don't think she will move on in 10 days. Think about it. If you can't move on so easily, how can she? Maybe she needs a little more time to miss you, but she'll get there. One more thing you need to think about is why do you need her to feel better? Don't you think you should learn to be happy and satisfied on your own rather than depend on your ex for happiness?
Well, I don't think she will move on in 10 days. Think about it. If you can't move on so easily, how can she? Maybe she needs a little more time to miss you, but she'll get there. One more thing you need to think about is why do you need her to feel better? Don't you think you should learn to be happy and satisfied on your own rather than depend on your ex for happiness?
Well, I don't think she will move on in 10 days. Think about it. If you can't move on so easily, how can she? Maybe she needs a little more time to miss you, but she'll get there. One more thing you need to think about is why do you need her to feel better? Don't you think you should learn to be happy and satisfied on your own rather than depend on your ex for happiness?
Well, I don't think she will move on in 10 days. Think about it. If you can't move on so easily, how can she? Maybe she needs a little more time to miss you, but she'll get there. One more thing you need to think about is why do you need her to feel better? Don't you think you should learn to be happy and satisfied on your own rather than depend on your ex for happiness?
I haven't contacted her in a week and I'm not feeling better, I still feel as though she's just going to move on.. The longest we ever went with out talking was 10 days in the 4 years we were together. So not contacted her this long feels like it's over... I just don't know what to do because I feel as though she's going to move in so then when I contact her again I'm just going to get rejected. I'm just worried.
I haven't contacted her in a week and I'm not feeling better, I still feel as though she's just going to move on.. The longest we ever went with out talking was 10 days in the 4 years we were together. So not contacted her this long feels like it's over... I just don't know what to do because I feel as though she's going to move in so then when I contact her again I'm just going to get rejected. I'm just worried.
I haven't contacted her in a week and I'm not feeling better, I still feel as though she's just going to move on.. The longest we ever went with out talking was 10 days in the 4 years we were together. So not contacted her this long feels like it's over... I just don't know what to do because I feel as though she's going to move in so then when I contact her again I'm just going to get rejected. I'm just worried.
I haven't contacted her in a week and I'm not feeling better, I still feel as though she's just going to move on.. The longest we ever went with out talking was 10 days in the 4 years we were together. So not contacted her this long feels like it's over... I just don't know what to do because I feel as though she's going to move in so then when I contact her again I'm just going to get rejected. I'm just worried.
Usually, when you miss someone, you start thinking about the good things about them. So don't worry about that.
Usually, when you miss someone, you start thinking about the good things about them. So don't worry about that.
Usually, when you miss someone, you start thinking about the good things about them. So don't worry about that.
Okay. I will follow the plan. Then only thing I'm worried about is if she starts to associate our relatioship with only the bad things I've done while I'm applying no contact. I've always been the one chasing so it's hard for me too imagine her swallowing her pride and taking me back. I feel like she's just going to keep telling herself all the bad things and none of the good things about us. Does this happen or am I just being irrational?
Okay. I will follow the plan. Then only thing I'm worried about is if she starts to associate our relatioship with only the bad things I've done while I'm applying no contact. I've always been the one chasing so it's hard for me too imagine her swallowing her pride and taking me back. I feel like she's just going to keep telling herself all the bad things and none of the good things about us. Does this happen or am I just being irrational?
yeah, you're right. i do need to learn how to be satisfied and happy on my own. i feel like I'm progressing and I'm not feeling as dependent on her anymore! i feel as though she would add to my happiness instead if be all of it. but, just a question, are there ever relationships where one partner tells the other "its over" and that they are "moving on", but actually come to realize they still want to be with them later down the road? do the ever go back on what they say?
K, apply no contact and give her the space and time she needs. Then contact her again and see how how she responds.
Hi,
I was having almost 2 years relationship with my ex. the major factor is age differences. shes 22 and i am 28. She is still studying while im busy working. She keeps telling me she needs attention and i didnt listen to her. I thought she would understand. At one point, she has reached her limit and decided to take a time out. main reason she has started to be friends with her girlfriends who party almost every weekend and she said she kinda like it. One night she texted me, " i dont know what happen to me. at first it was us, not its me. i feel so lost and i hope this is just a phase".
During that time out, i have started to feel paranoid that she is seeing someone new. she keeps denying it and the last time we had a big fight as her friend told me that she has brought a guy to her room. she admitted it but she said he is just a friend.
a week later, i called her up and asked hows her exam? she replied very lightly but i asked do you wanna have a coffee when both of us are ready? she said we will see.
please tell me if there is still hope. i never heard or see she is seeing someone. she wants to get married with me this year but now she seems lost and confused. maybe she is thinking that i might be neglecting her again. i should have give her more attention. now she is not answering my call or texts. her friend has been telling her to leave me as i have been doing all the DONTs you have you mentioned above and she finds it uncomfortable with that. she keeps telling me i keep pushing her and might pushing her away.
what should i do?
Hi Kevin,
thanks. But how am i going to see how she responds? i believe that she is being ego. i didnt contact her at all for the last 2 weeks.
It's OK. Carry on no contact for another 2 weeks and then contact her using one of the methods in the guide.
Hey Kevin,
I have called her after 2 weeks and asked how is she doing.
She told me that she has been avoiding me because i am pyscho.
it seems like she has a new guy but when i asked are you seeing someone, she said no. but from her pictures, it seems like there is new guy and she has been staying with him at his apartment.
what should i do? thanks.
Start no contact again and don't call her for 30 days. Then send her the letter mentioned in the article. The wait another 2 weeks and then send her a text.
Start no contact again and don't call her for 30 days. Then send her the letter mentioned in the article. The wait another 2 weeks and then send her a text.
Start no contact again and don't call her for 30 days. Then send her the letter mentioned in the article. The wait another 2 weeks and then send her a text.
Start no contact again and don't call her for 30 days. Then send her the letter mentioned in the article. The wait another 2 weeks and then send her a text.
Start no contact again and don't call her for 30 days. Then send her the letter mentioned in the article. The wait another 2 weeks and then send her a text.
Thanks. Anyway i just found out she activated her FB. and It appears on my friends list which i think she has been stalking me since i did not contact her at all.
How bout simple message in FB before valentine's?
Hey,
Messaging her on Valentine will make it quite obvious to her that you are interested in her romantically. So, it's risky move. But it might work to your advantage if she is actually interested and wants to meet you. So, it's your decision and I'm not going to make it for you.
Hey,
Messaging her on Valentine will make it quite obvious to her that you are interested in her romantically. So, it's risky move. But it might work to your advantage if she is actually interested and wants to meet you. So, it's your decision and I'm not going to make it for you.
Hey,
Messaging her on Valentine will make it quite obvious to her that you are interested in her romantically. So, it's risky move. But it might work to your advantage if she is actually interested and wants to meet you. So, it's your decision and I'm not going to make it for you.
Hey,
Messaging her on Valentine will make it quite obvious to her that you are interested in her romantically. So, it's risky move. But it might work to your advantage if she is actually interested and wants to meet you. So, it's your decision and I'm not going to make it for you.
Hey,
Messaging her on Valentine will make it quite obvious to her that you are interested in her romantically. So, it's risky move. But it might work to your advantage if she is actually interested and wants to meet you. So, it's your decision and I'm not going to make it for you.
Hey Kevin,
I have called her after 2 weeks and asked how is she doing.
She told me that she has been avoiding me because i am pyscho.
it seems like she has a new guy but when i asked are you seeing someone, she said no. but from her pictures, it seems like there is new guy and she has been staying with him at his apartment.
what should i do? thanks.
Thanks. Anyway i just found out she activated her FB. and It appears on my friends list which i think she has been stalking me since i did not contact her at all.
How bout simple message in FB before valentine's?
Hey Kevin,
I have called her after 2 weeks and asked how is she doing.
She told me that she has been avoiding me because i am pyscho.
it seems like she has a new guy but when i asked are you seeing someone, she said no. but from her pictures, it seems like there is new guy and she has been staying with him at his apartment.
what should i do? thanks.
Thanks. Anyway i just found out she activated her FB. and It appears on my friends list which i think she has been stalking me since i did not contact her at all.
How bout simple message in FB before valentine's?
Hey Kevin,
I have called her after 2 weeks and asked how is she doing.
She told me that she has been avoiding me because i am pyscho.
it seems like she has a new guy but when i asked are you seeing someone, she said no. but from her pictures, it seems like there is new guy and she has been staying with him at his apartment.
what should i do? thanks.
Thanks. Anyway i just found out she activated her FB. and It appears on my friends list which i think she has been stalking me since i did not contact her at all.
How bout simple message in FB before valentine's?
It's OK. Carry on no contact for another 2 weeks and then contact her using one of the methods in the guide.
It's OK. Carry on no contact for another 2 weeks and then contact her using one of the methods in the guide.
Hi Kevin,
thanks. But how am i going to see how she responds? i believe that she is being ego. i didnt contact her at all for the last 2 weeks.
Hi,
Me and my boyfriend were dating for 11 months until we broke up 3 days ago. On our third month we broke up and i tried no contact which worked out. But 3 days ago we had a fight and i said he lost me. He said he was glad that he lost me. I died inside and tell him i won't be by his side and i hated him. Later on my mom jokingly texting him and he said that he was physically tired because of work. Later on he said it was ''unfair'' that my mom said he broke up with me.My mom told him that we are acting immature and he said he doesn't have a patience of a prophet and asked if i was fine and i made her text him. And she told him to ''rest''. And now he is not speaking to me. I know that my mom speaking to him showed me weak and needy. Is he really over me? What can i do?
Hey Selin,
He is not over you. Apply no contact. Don't worry, I am pretty sure he'll forget about the Mom incident and come back.
Hey Selin,
He is not over you. Apply no contact. Don't worry, I am pretty sure he'll forget about the Mom incident and come back.
Hi, Kevin, I was really good friends with my ex for 2 1/2 mos. before we became a couple. And we were together for 1 mo. 1/2, before I broke-up with him. He went from texting me almost daily & calling me sweet things to becoming distant & not saying anything sweet anymore. It got me curious why, so that's when I began texting him every few days, but began not getting much out of him, except for a couple one-worded answers or just being ignored by him. He's 18, younger than I, and still in High School. So, we decided the best thing to do was to keep a secret relationship until he could tell his parents about me because I'm older and have 2 children. His parents are practicing Muslims, but he doesn't practice the religion because he doesn't believe in or like it. He felt that my age would be the prime reason they would flip, and wanted to wait until after he graduated to tell them. Keeping the r/ship secret was fun and exciting, at first, but then quickly made me feel neglected because we barely got to see each other. We NEVER spoke on the phone because he didn't want his parents to suspect anything. We talked for 2 mins., once via phone, but as soon as his mother walked in the front door, I'd been hung up on. So, our convos consisted of texting & facebooking msgs., solely. I broke-up with him because he was ignoring me & felt he wasn't putting any effort into the r/ship anymore, initially. I know & am utterly confident that he's not interested in another and that there was no cheating involved or anything. I never cheated on him or anything, either. We talked about moving-in together, marriage, children, he told me that I completed him & that no one understood him like I did, and he could never get bored with me, he was even the one who confessed that he loved me, first. When we were together, we NEVER argued or disagreed about ANYTHING!! We laughed and had such great times all.the.time. We both want the same things in life and I've never had a connection with someone this perfect, before. I believe he's it, the one person I've been searching for, but feel I messed things up. I realized that no matter what happened, subsequently, that the secret r/ship was the thing doing us under. So, I did & am guilty of the messaging non-stop & begging, etc., attempting to explain what happened. But I stopped contact 5 days ago when he said, "You're always gonna be my friend". I asked if he'd friend-zoned me, and he politely said, "I'm not trying to be mean" & "Remember, we're still friends". I told him I couldn't be just friends & unfriended him on facebook. He said, "Ok I understand. ..... good bye" Do you think it was the right thing for me to unfriend him & telling him I couldn't just be friends? I really want him back, and it's not that I'm unhappy with myself or my life because I love my life, self, and happy with where career is going, etc. I just don't want to lose someone, permanently, that is everything I've ever wanted in a man. Do you think it should be him to him to make contact with me? You seem to really understand the whole process, so any of your input would greatly help! Thank you
Hey Kristin,
First of all, I have a feeling that all the great quality you are mentioning about him and your r/ship with him were a direct result of being in the honeymoon period of the relationship. Of course, I could be wrong, but I'll like you to consider this thought. You have been together for just one and half month and you have no idea what type of a person he'll be in a long term relationship. You have no idea what he'll be like when you live together with him, and you have no idea how he'll handle relationship arguments, fights, and other million issues that come with a relationship. So, don't be too quick to judge that he is the perfect person for you.
As for you telling him you can't be friends, I don't think that did any damage. It might even work to your advantage that you've already set your boundaries that you don't want to be friends with him. Apply no contact for another 25 days. And think real hard about what I said before. If you still want to get back with him, then follow the rest of the plan.
You make a good point about being from the "honeymoon" phase, I didn't look at it like that. That's why I like getting other's perspectives, sometimes! I feel that that could be a small factor, but in combination with the real deal. He's a scorpio, and I don't know if you're familiar with zodiacs, but what I read is that they like to be the one doing the chasing. So, if the woman begins putting all of the effort into attempts of contact, they become less interested and don't contact as much, anymore. Because it makes the woman look too needy, which is a trait they don't like in a partner. (I've been doing lots of online searches) So, I feel like I know why he began with the distance. But aside from the zodiac thing, when we were physically around each other, we were inseparable. No arguments or fights, handled everything with grace, humor, or love. It was fantastic!!! I never felt so at ease/comfortable with a guy, ever, knowing that I could be my ultimate self and still be able to kiss, hug, and hold hands, etc. without worrying if I said or did something wrong. So, I feel like when we were face-to-face, we solved anything. But when it came to messaging on fb or texting, things got lost in translation, less than a handful of times. But some of those things would escalate. On top of that, that's during the time when I was coming off as needy. And I've already written him a letter (prior to applying nc) explaining that I felt that keeping our r/ship secret was to blame, which I still feel is the main cause of everything, no matter what happened subsequently.
So, I worry that, if I am the one who's supposed to make contact after everything I've tried to do, won't it make me seem even more needy and push him further away? Or am I supposed to wait for him to initiate?
I just feel that he's deeply wounded for me breaking it off with him and is scared that I would hurt him, further. So, he figured cutting me off would be the best thing, rather than risk getting hurt, again. And I didn't want to hurt him, in the first place. So, I want to be really strategic in how I do everything, to make sure I don't "f" up my chances.
Hey Kristin,
There's a way where you can contact him and still make him feel like he's chasing you. If you control the conversation and you are always the one to leave him waiting for the reply, he'll feel like he is chasing you.
Ok, so in 1 week 1/2, it'll have been 30 days of nc. If those texts you're speaking of are the ones you mentioned above, I can try them. If there are other examples, I'd like it very much if you could tell me how to view more. But anyway, I wrote a "rough draft" letter and hoped you could put your input on it: "Just thought of when you made me crack-up about the "trip to Turkey" in McDonalds. Your humor was always hysterical. : ) I have so many great memories of when we were together. And I pinpointed exactly what it was that caused me to incorrectly make my decision. It was my fault, and I'm sorry for miscalculating the real reason for the situation. I never said I was perfect and I never wanted to hurt you, one can only learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. I'm happy you were a part of my life. Hope you're doing great : )". Even if I fix any errors and send a revised letter, do I wait again for another month until I send any texts? Or? I feel confused because I feel like I've never quite learned the process of getting a person back. I've always done things the hard way and just pushed through the pain, thinking it was over for good and kept pressing on. But I've learned that in some point in my life, my exes ALWAYS contacted me, again. (No more than a year later, from each) And then tell me that they couldn't find someone like me, wished they didn't mess that up, blah blah blah. I just can't do that, again, because I really don't want to lose this guy. And I realized that I DO want to be his friend, eventually. So, if you can help me to be that again, I would be most grateful! Thanks : )
Hey Kirstin,
Wait a couple of weeks after sending the letter then contact him via text. If he contacts you after the letter (and chances are, he will), then you can reply to him and start sending texts earlier. Just remember to stay confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Hey Kirstin,
Wait a couple of weeks after sending the letter then contact him via text. If he contacts you after the letter (and chances are, he will), then you can reply to him and start sending texts earlier. Just remember to stay confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Hey Kirstin,
Wait a couple of weeks after sending the letter then contact him via text. If he contacts you after the letter (and chances are, he will), then you can reply to him and start sending texts earlier. Just remember to stay confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Hey Kirstin,
Wait a couple of weeks after sending the letter then contact him via text. If he contacts you after the letter (and chances are, he will), then you can reply to him and start sending texts earlier. Just remember to stay confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Hey Kirstin,
Wait a couple of weeks after sending the letter then contact him via text. If he contacts you after the letter (and chances are, he will), then you can reply to him and start sending texts earlier. Just remember to stay confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Hey Kirstin,
Wait a couple of weeks after sending the letter then contact him via text. If he contacts you after the letter (and chances are, he will), then you can reply to him and start sending texts earlier. Just remember to stay confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Ok, so in 1 week 1/2, it'll have been 30 days of nc. If those texts you're speaking of are the ones you mentioned above, I can try them. If there are other examples, I'd like it very much if you could tell me how to view more. But anyway, I wrote a "rough draft" letter and hoped you could put your input on it: "Just thought of when you made me crack-up about the "trip to Turkey" in McDonalds. Your humor was always hysterical. : ) I have so many great memories of when we were together. And I pinpointed exactly what it was that caused me to incorrectly make my decision. It was my fault, and I'm sorry for miscalculating the real reason for the situation. I never said I was perfect and I never wanted to hurt you, one can only learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. I'm happy you were a part of my life. Hope you're doing great : )". Even if I fix any errors and send a revised letter, do I wait again for another month until I send any texts? Or? I feel confused because I feel like I've never quite learned the process of getting a person back. I've always done things the hard way and just pushed through the pain, thinking it was over for good and kept pressing on. But I've learned that in some point in my life, my exes ALWAYS contacted me, again. (No more than a year later, from each) And then tell me that they couldn't find someone like me, wished they didn't mess that up, blah blah blah. I just can't do that, again, because I really don't want to lose this guy. And I realized that I DO want to be his friend, eventually. So, if you can help me to be that again, I would be most grateful! Thanks : )
Ok, so in 1 week 1/2, it'll have been 30 days of nc. If those texts you're speaking of are the ones you mentioned above, I can try them. If there are other examples, I'd like it very much if you could tell me how to view more. But anyway, I wrote a "rough draft" letter and hoped you could put your input on it: "Just thought of when you made me crack-up about the "trip to Turkey" in McDonalds. Your humor was always hysterical. : ) I have so many great memories of when we were together. And I pinpointed exactly what it was that caused me to incorrectly make my decision. It was my fault, and I'm sorry for miscalculating the real reason for the situation. I never said I was perfect and I never wanted to hurt you, one can only learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. I'm happy you were a part of my life. Hope you're doing great : )". Even if I fix any errors and send a revised letter, do I wait again for another month until I send any texts? Or? I feel confused because I feel like I've never quite learned the process of getting a person back. I've always done things the hard way and just pushed through the pain, thinking it was over for good and kept pressing on. But I've learned that in some point in my life, my exes ALWAYS contacted me, again. (No more than a year later, from each) And then tell me that they couldn't find someone like me, wished they didn't mess that up, blah blah blah. I just can't do that, again, because I really don't want to lose this guy. And I realized that I DO want to be his friend, eventually. So, if you can help me to be that again, I would be most grateful! Thanks : )
Ok, so in 1 week 1/2, it'll have been 30 days of nc. If those texts you're speaking of are the ones you mentioned above, I can try them. If there are other examples, I'd like it very much if you could tell me how to view more. But anyway, I wrote a "rough draft" letter and hoped you could put your input on it: "Just thought of when you made me crack-up about the "trip to Turkey" in McDonalds. Your humor was always hysterical. : ) I have so many great memories of when we were together. And I pinpointed exactly what it was that caused me to incorrectly make my decision. It was my fault, and I'm sorry for miscalculating the real reason for the situation. I never said I was perfect and I never wanted to hurt you, one can only learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. I'm happy you were a part of my life. Hope you're doing great : )". Even if I fix any errors and send a revised letter, do I wait again for another month until I send any texts? Or? I feel confused because I feel like I've never quite learned the process of getting a person back. I've always done things the hard way and just pushed through the pain, thinking it was over for good and kept pressing on. But I've learned that in some point in my life, my exes ALWAYS contacted me, again. (No more than a year later, from each) And then tell me that they couldn't find someone like me, wished they didn't mess that up, blah blah blah. I just can't do that, again, because I really don't want to lose this guy. And I realized that I DO want to be his friend, eventually. So, if you can help me to be that again, I would be most grateful! Thanks : )
Ok, so in 1 week 1/2, it'll have been 30 days of nc. If those texts you're speaking of are the ones you mentioned above, I can try them. If there are other examples, I'd like it very much if you could tell me how to view more. But anyway, I wrote a "rough draft" letter and hoped you could put your input on it: "Just thought of when you made me crack-up about the "trip to Turkey" in McDonalds. Your humor was always hysterical. : ) I have so many great memories of when we were together. And I pinpointed exactly what it was that caused me to incorrectly make my decision. It was my fault, and I'm sorry for miscalculating the real reason for the situation. I never said I was perfect and I never wanted to hurt you, one can only learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. I'm happy you were a part of my life. Hope you're doing great : )". Even if I fix any errors and send a revised letter, do I wait again for another month until I send any texts? Or? I feel confused because I feel like I've never quite learned the process of getting a person back. I've always done things the hard way and just pushed through the pain, thinking it was over for good and kept pressing on. But I've learned that in some point in my life, my exes ALWAYS contacted me, again. (No more than a year later, from each) And then tell me that they couldn't find someone like me, wished they didn't mess that up, blah blah blah. I just can't do that, again, because I really don't want to lose this guy. And I realized that I DO want to be his friend, eventually. So, if you can help me to be that again, I would be most grateful! Thanks : )
Hey Kristin,
There's a way where you can contact him and still make him feel like he's chasing you. If you control the conversation and you are always the one to leave him waiting for the reply, he'll feel like he is chasing you.
Hey Kristin,
There's a way where you can contact him and still make him feel like he's chasing you. If you control the conversation and you are always the one to leave him waiting for the reply, he'll feel like he is chasing you.
Hey Kristin,
There's a way where you can contact him and still make him feel like he's chasing you. If you control the conversation and you are always the one to leave him waiting for the reply, he'll feel like he is chasing you.
You make a good point about being from the "honeymoon" phase, I didn't look at it like that. That's why I like getting other's perspectives, sometimes! I feel that that could be a small factor, but in combination with the real deal. He's a scorpio, and I don't know if you're familiar with zodiacs, but what I read is that they like to be the one doing the chasing. So, if the woman begins putting all of the effort into attempts of contact, they become less interested and don't contact as much, anymore. Because it makes the woman look too needy, which is a trait they don't like in a partner. (I've been doing lots of online searches) So, I feel like I know why he began with the distance. But aside from the zodiac thing, when we were physically around each other, we were inseparable. No arguments or fights, handled everything with grace, humor, or love. It was fantastic!!! I never felt so at ease/comfortable with a guy, ever, knowing that I could be my ultimate self and still be able to kiss, hug, and hold hands, etc. without worrying if I said or did something wrong. So, I feel like when we were face-to-face, we solved anything. But when it came to messaging on fb or texting, things got lost in translation, less than a handful of times. But some of those things would escalate. On top of that, that's during the time when I was coming off as needy. And I've already written him a letter (prior to applying nc) explaining that I felt that keeping our r/ship secret was to blame, which I still feel is the main cause of everything, no matter what happened subsequently.
So, I worry that, if I am the one who's supposed to make contact after everything I've tried to do, won't it make me seem even more needy and push him further away? Or am I supposed to wait for him to initiate?
I just feel that he's deeply wounded for me breaking it off with him and is scared that I would hurt him, further. So, he figured cutting me off would be the best thing, rather than risk getting hurt, again. And I didn't want to hurt him, in the first place. So, I want to be really strategic in how I do everything, to make sure I don't "f" up my chances.
You make a good point about being from the "honeymoon" phase, I didn't look at it like that. That's why I like getting other's perspectives, sometimes! I feel that that could be a small factor, but in combination with the real deal. He's a scorpio, and I don't know if you're familiar with zodiacs, but what I read is that they like to be the one doing the chasing. So, if the woman begins putting all of the effort into attempts of contact, they become less interested and don't contact as much, anymore. Because it makes the woman look too needy, which is a trait they don't like in a partner. (I've been doing lots of online searches) So, I feel like I know why he began with the distance. But aside from the zodiac thing, when we were physically around each other, we were inseparable. No arguments or fights, handled everything with grace, humor, or love. It was fantastic!!! I never felt so at ease/comfortable with a guy, ever, knowing that I could be my ultimate self and still be able to kiss, hug, and hold hands, etc. without worrying if I said or did something wrong. So, I feel like when we were face-to-face, we solved anything. But when it came to messaging on fb or texting, things got lost in translation, less than a handful of times. But some of those things would escalate. On top of that, that's during the time when I was coming off as needy. And I've already written him a letter (prior to applying nc) explaining that I felt that keeping our r/ship secret was to blame, which I still feel is the main cause of everything, no matter what happened subsequently.
So, I worry that, if I am the one who's supposed to make contact after everything I've tried to do, won't it make me seem even more needy and push him further away? Or am I supposed to wait for him to initiate?
I just feel that he's deeply wounded for me breaking it off with him and is scared that I would hurt him, further. So, he figured cutting me off would be the best thing, rather than risk getting hurt, again. And I didn't want to hurt him, in the first place. So, I want to be really strategic in how I do everything, to make sure I don't "f" up my chances.
Hey Kristin,
First of all, I have a feeling that all the great quality you are mentioning about him and your r/ship with him were a direct result of being in the honeymoon period of the relationship. Of course, I could be wrong, but I'll like you to consider this thought. You have been together for just one and half month and you have no idea what type of a person he'll be in a long term relationship. You have no idea what he'll be like when you live together with him, and you have no idea how he'll handle relationship arguments, fights, and other million issues that come with a relationship. So, don't be too quick to judge that he is the perfect person for you.
As for you telling him you can't be friends, I don't think that did any damage. It might even work to your advantage that you've already set your boundaries that you don't want to be friends with him. Apply no contact for another 25 days. And think real hard about what I said before. If you still want to get back with him, then follow the rest of the plan.
My situation is lil bit more worst. there is no word ,i dnt know exactly how should i describe it...we break up 1st time when our relationship was only 8 month old. then he came back and prove me his love and again we r together, then again we broke up when our relation was nearly 1 year old. it was happen because of his doubt, he doubt on me that i am flirting with other guys, but it snot true. if I say hi to anyone it is also a flirt according to him.so he broke up with me. then again after 2 months nearly he came with many conditions.i agree his conditions as i love him a lot and we were together. then after few months he broke up again with same prob.this time according to him we broke up before 6 months when he was in touch with me even 2 weeks back too. he used to talk to me but i felt something missing. he never used to call me regularly and after calling also he used to talk to me for 5 /10 mins hardly. then one day i asked whats going on. he said clearly u know we r not in that relation. i like you. i like to talk to u but nothing much. after that i did not talk to him. he called twice but i did not pick up the call. now i am missing him badly. i want him back. kindly help me what should i do?
Hey Seema,
You agreed to his conditions (became a doormat) which is one of the biggest mistakes you can do after a breakup. Like I mentioned in the article, he lost respect for you and left you again. Follow the plan, apply the no contact rule and don't answer his calls.
Hey Seema,
You agreed to his conditions (became a doormat) which is one of the biggest mistakes you can do after a breakup. Like I mentioned in the article, he lost respect for you and left you again. Follow the plan, apply the no contact rule and don't answer his calls.
Hello Kevin!
My break up with A was almost 2 months ago, but the problem is that I was the one who broke up with him, because I couldn´t stand our situation anymore. Our relationship always had some ups and downs, because I started dating him just when I got out from a 4 years relationship (I didn´t have any feelings for the Ex boyfriend anymore, so the previous break up was not a big deal for me) and then I was projecting on A all the issues I had with my previous boyfriend, and I started having expectations that I shouldn´t have had. These problems made us break up and get back again a few times. We stayed together for 5 months.
So 2 months ago I broke up with A, because I needed time to get over all the expectations and reflections from the previous relationship and realize that I should have a life of my own. In other words, I needed time to stop acting like a crazy person.
Now that I´m feeling like I have realized all the things I needed, I would like to get back with A, because I know I can make it work now, and because I enjoy being with him.
I respected the No Contact rules, but we are in the same group of friends, so we saw each other a few times, but with zero contact.
I knew by a mutual friend that he likes me, and likes being with me, but he´s feeling free now that he´s not having any problems and discussions, any stress, so I´m not sure if he would like to get back with me, and I´m lost not knowing what to do!
I don´t know how to start a contact with him, since I was the one who broke up with him and since he´s a bit pride. (i´m a bit pride myself, but I´m open to try again)
What is your opinion about it? Can I still save this up? Should I give us more time so he can see that I´m not that crazy girl anymore? Or if he´s feeling so good now, should I move on
I think you have a chance. Just contact him and then ask him out. If he talks to you, he'll see the changes you've made and will probably want to get back together.
I think you have a chance. Just contact him and then ask him out. If he talks to you, he'll see the changes you've made and will probably want to get back together.
What is your ex has already asked you not to contact them again? Does the no rule process still work?
Yes it does.
Yes it does.
Hi
I broke up with my boyfriend last week for a silly mistake, and he didn't forgive me for that , I still love him so much, we have been in a relationship for a year. When he said that our relationship don't seem to work I try to convince me that we can try and solved it. But he said he won't change his mind, and I asked he we can take a break from each other and then decide. Then I send him a txt telling him that I accept the break up and wished him all the best, but I didn't get any reply from him till now. And I still love him and want him back in my life. Do u think there is a hope?
Yes, there's hope. Contact him again after a month using one of the text messages above.
Yes, there's hope. Contact him again after a month using one of the text messages above.
Hello,
My girlfriend and I dated for about 4 months until she wanted a break a little over a week ago. She said she needed some time for herself to think about being in a relationship because her guard is back up. She wanted a break partially because I was always worried about wing cheated on and worried about her talking to other guys because I was cheated on in the relationship before this one. Unfortunately, it took its toll over time and it caused us to argue a lot, but we were a happy couple overall. She says she loves me dearly and doesn't want anyone else. She said I will always be the one she wants to be with. But what I find weird is that she wanted to talk like normal and hangout during the break last week. Like she wanted me to be all sweet kind of thing because it will make her want me more? It will make her miss those sweet comments. I don't understand. Well last Friday I jumped to conclusions because I thought she lied about hanging out with friends. I asked her to hangout and she said she had plans with her girlfriends.
But come to find out, one of her friends didn't know about it. So i jumped the gun without knowing the whole story and texted her a bunch. She didn't reply. So I went NC for the weekend and texted her good morning today. She replied with "hey." But I didn't respond. I need help on what to do! She loves me a lot and doesn't want anyone else.
Continue NC for a month. Then contact her. It'll give her time to miss you and she would've decided by then if she wants a relationship with you.
Continue NC for a month. Then contact her. It'll give her time to miss you and she would've decided by then if she wants a relationship with you.
Hi
Im doing the none contact thing and coping with that. My problem is that my ex lives in a different country that I have now left. I cannot just meet up for coffee, it would have to be a flight to her city. That can never look like 'lets just meet up'. Any ideas?
You've to carry on the conversation with texts and then proceed to skype. Meetup in case of Long distance is equivalent to skype.
You've to carry on the conversation with texts and then proceed to skype. Meetup in case of Long distance is equivalent to skype.
My ex told me in december she never loved me and was not attracted to me after a year and a half she uses drugs but I want to be her knight in shining armor its been a week of no contact she text me once to change address oh we were engaged for 5 mounths do I have a chance?
Hey Steve,
It's a bad idea to be the knight in shining armor of a drug addict. The only person who can help her turn her life around is her. In my opinion, you'll just be wasting your time and energy on her. But yes, you do have a chance. Follow the plan.
Hey Steve,
It's a bad idea to be the knight in shining armor of a drug addict. The only person who can help her turn her life around is her. In my opinion, you'll just be wasting your time and energy on her. But yes, you do have a chance. Follow the plan.
Kevin,
I enjoyed reading your advice. 2 days ago, my boyfriend got mad at me and said he doesn't think we're working out and that we need a break. This has happened with him once before in the past. Typically when he gets upset with me, he refuses to talk to me for days or weeks and will not tell me what I did wrong. He has been stressed about his personal life (money, job, etc.), which I think exacerbates our problems. My problem is that I think I'm too nice haha. I am going to do the no contact and see how it goes. The problem is I am good friends with all of his friends and they are already inviting me out to their Super Bowl party. Would it be a bad idea to go? And if I did go, I'm not sure how to act around my ex. We also have a vacation planned in about 25 days with some other couples so this is really bad timing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
If you decide to go for the super bowl, treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Although, it'll be really hard to avoid the awkwardness since it's his friends. As for the couple vacation, if you can cancel it at the last minute, then wait. If your ex asks you to go with him, you can decide whether or not you want to go. If he doesn't ask, cancel it.
If you decide to go for the super bowl, treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Although, it'll be really hard to avoid the awkwardness since it's his friends. As for the couple vacation, if you can cancel it at the last minute, then wait. If your ex asks you to go with him, you can decide whether or not you want to go. If he doesn't ask, cancel it.
Kevin,
My ex and I broke up three weeks ago. We had a wonderful relationship (laughed a lot, were loving and we had similar interests). However the last month we were together I was unhappy with current life happenings and he got stressed because he was about things going on in his life and we began to argue and both said things we shouldn't have. He couldn't take it anymore and said he's just had enough. I was expecting it but I said "is there anything I can do to change your mind?" He stayed strong to his decision and eventually left. I've been doing well but he's been contacting me in the last week and I thought it was okay to reply to him and we got really carried away, giving more compliments than ever, saying he's proud of my new lifestyle and sounds like he made the right decision because I seem so happy. We're in the same friendship group so I was pleasant when I saw him but we decided to meet up and it was great but then things got serious he said I don't want you meeting up with me in hope to get back together. I denied it, of course. He said he's still really attracted to me, thinks I'm an amazing girl and still cares about me as a person but insists that we 'clash' and can't see us getting back together. Do you think if I cut contact from now on for another month it will change his mind?
It's worth a shot.
It's worth a shot.
Hi,
I just stopped speaking to my ex yesterday and it hurts. I feel like I'm going crazy.
We met over two years ago. We fell madly in love but both had suffered recent bad break ups and things just went downhill after a few months. We stayed together for a year, loved each other but fought cobstantky I feel related to fear and misunderstanding.
We spent another year back and forth playing stupid games and hurting each other. Countless times we both walked away and one of us always reached out. Stupidly, I always broke down saying how much I loved and missed him. On the rare occasion he admitted this as well he ran the next day and stated he did not want a relationship.
Honestly, I know he loved me and likely still misses me. But every time we start talking again I just get angry and confused as he pulls away as soon as things get serious.
Any hope there? I'm going no contact today after a huge display of anger and hurtful things said. I felt better telling him how he hurt me as I pretended for a long time things were fine. I was a doormat but he didn't treat me that way in the beginning. I just miss the good guy he once was and just what that back. After over a year of his indecision would it be wise to even reach out in the future?
I want him to love and respect me. Now he hates me as I've said some very mean things. I feel he will go on hating me forever, even after I have apologized and just stated I couldn't take being hurt anymore. I'm a great woman. I feel we are both losing out on something amazing.
Thanks,
Jocelyn
Great decision starting no contact. I know it hurts and you feel like contacting him but that's just the withdrawal symptom. You were so used to your ex that it's hard for you to imagine your life without him. But give yourself a couple of weeks and you'll feel a lot better. You'll be able to make a much better decision about whether or not you should get back together or move on.
Great decision starting no contact. I know it hurts and you feel like contacting him but that's just the withdrawal symptom. You were so used to your ex that it's hard for you to imagine your life without him. But give yourself a couple of weeks and you'll feel a lot better. You'll be able to make a much better decision about whether or not you should get back together or move on.
Hi.
I broke up with my boyfriend after dating for just over a year.He cheated on me and is still with his new girlfriend we were in a long distance relationship. I followed your steps above and had no contact for at least 30 days after initially having broken all the rules and begged him to choose me. I initiated contact after over a month of absolute silence, didn't say much to him only that I was traveling which I was and that I saw a place which reminded me of one of our dates. I then went on to tell him I knew about his cheating prior to the brake up I just never said anything. His response was a simple ok. I'm terrified of texting back because I don't want to come off as needy. I don't know if this new relationship of his is a rebound or not considering we were pretty intense before we grew apart started arguing and he confessed about cheating. I have done everything to busy myself in the time, new everything and work is going great too. I still have very strong feelings for him despite me asking myself do I really want him back after all the dishonesty. And have decided I do, if I still had a chance. He responded very quickly to my texts unless this is just me reading too much into it. Do I still have a chance....even after nc he was not been the one to initiate any contact with me?
Hey Mary,
I'll respect your decision of wanting to be with him despite his dishonesty, even though I don't agree with it. Although, I'll still recommend that you wait another month and go on a few dates before contacting him. I'll recommend when you send him texts, give him something to respond to. Try to give a friendly vibe in your text. The fact that you mentioned the relationship in your last text kind of made it a serious text instead of a fun one.
Hey Mary,
I'll respect your decision of wanting to be with him despite his dishonesty, even though I don't agree with it. Although, I'll still recommend that you wait another month and go on a few dates before contacting him. I'll recommend when you send him texts, give him something to respond to. Try to give a friendly vibe in your text. The fact that you mentioned the relationship in your last text kind of made it a serious text instead of a fun one.
Hey my ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago after about 4 years of dating. He made kindof a small mistake when he was drunk and kissed another girl. I know I overreacted because I have made my fair share of mistakes and he (without question) forgave me right away. I know I screwed up bad by breaking up with him. We really were great together even though we fought it was stupid things that when we looked back realized that there was no real reason to fight about it and always moved on. We always figured out a way to grow from our experiences and our mistakes together. I want him back now because I realized that he really has had such a huge impact on my life and I want that to continue. We both still tell eachother we love eachother and miss eachother but he says we cant be together right now. But then will text and ask to hangout and will send me playfull texts and the. Promptly turn around and say he doesnt want to be with me. What do I do?!?! Help!
Apply no contact. Tell him since he doesn't want to get back together, you need some space and time to figure out your feelings. And then cut contact for a month. He and you both will be much more clear on what you want after the month is over.
Apply no contact. Tell him since he doesn't want to get back together, you need some space and time to figure out your feelings. And then cut contact for a month. He and you both will be much more clear on what you want after the month is over.
Hi,
I messed up. I had feelings for my ex (L) while I was in a relationship. I told my girlfriend (N) that I had feelings for L and it wouldn't be fair to be in this relationship if my heart was in two places. As a result we broke up. After about 5 months of soul searching I realized that N was much more important to me and mean a lot to me. N and myself started dating again and she agreed cause she still have feelings for me. After 4 months she break it to me that the feeling is dying. And don't wanna fight for us anymore. The break up was slow and painful and I could still see that she still have feelings for me. She said she just couldn't bring herself to trust me fully anymore. We were happy during those 4 months. And I didn't do anything wrong and have even stopped contacting L. I followed my instict before I read this and sent her a string of texts showing my neediness and that I will fight for this love even if she told me not to.
After minutes of sending her the text. I saw this page. What do I do? Told her I shouldn't have said it? Please email =[
Hey,
It's OK. The important thing is that you don't text her anymore and start applying the no contact rule from now on.
Hey,
It's OK. The important thing is that you don't text her anymore and start applying the no contact rule from now on.
I can see the point of no contact rule. After the breakup, I did not contact my ex and had no intention of doing that. I just thought it was over. However, a few days after he contacted me. He said he was sorry and asked whether I was well and sent me a picture of us, taken the day before the break. I did not feel like responding, but I did respond after about 4 days.
I simply said: "thank you for the photo, it is nice. Sorry I didn't reply earlier. I am ok thank you and you?". He replied rightaway "You don't need to apologise :) I am ok........" and then wrote something about him buying a new suit for a wedding he is going to next weekend, a wedding of his best friend, a wedding he told me a great deal about.
I didn't feel like replying, and only replied the next day, saying "Well done on the suit, I bet it's blue"; because I can't imagine him wearing another colour. Then he sent another brief message and I didn't reply any more.
I am not sure I can now really start the no contact rule and whether it'd make sense. I would have made a lot of sense after his 1st message, but I didn't think about it...I actually thought of asking him next week if he wants to go for a walk where he can tell me about the wedding and I can tell him other things, because he is shy and I think an offer of this kind will take the weight of his shoulders.
However, I am in two minds because I can see the point of the 30 days no contact, and yet it seems that it's a bit too late to implement that...it seems that now the contacts have taken place...it seems that now that can seem a bit out of place. He knows anyway I have a busy life and I am not sitting crying for him, that's something he already knows...what do you advise?
Hey Michaelle,
Considering the dynamics of your text messages (him initiating, you replying after a few days, and the fact that his replies come immediately), I'd say you don't need the no contact rule for him to think of you as "not needy". As of now, he seems to be the one who is chasing you, so if you want to meet him, then I think you are good to go. However, you still might need some time to think things through and realize whether or not it's a good idea to get back together. So, 30 days no contact might be beneficial in that aspect.
Hey Michaelle,
Considering the dynamics of your text messages (him initiating, you replying after a few days, and the fact that his replies come immediately), I'd say you don't need the no contact rule for him to think of you as "not needy". As of now, he seems to be the one who is chasing you, so if you want to meet him, then I think you are good to go. However, you still might need some time to think things through and realize whether or not it's a good idea to get back together. So, 30 days no contact might be beneficial in that aspect.
Hi... My situation is really complicated. I'm hoping you can help. I met my ex March of last year and we broke up in September. During the relationship he never used the word girlfriend and it bothered me. An ex from 3 years ago messages me and I wasn't exactly forthcoming in being in a relationship. My ex said I emotionally cheated on him. He started with me for a month after saying he would try to get over it and when I asked him for a commitment he said he couldn't trust me. I made all the mistakes and we were 'together' two months after the break up. I went no contact for a month during which he messages me once a week. Then when I talked to him again I asked him out for coffee. He said he was dating someone and I want prepared for that. I flipped out and he told me to never talk to him again. A month later he asked me to come over to Talk and get on good terms. I went over we talked and i was very mature about it. As i was leaving he grabbed me and hugged me. A week after that I asked him again if he wanted to grab a drink. He told me the girl he was dating is now his girlfriend and he didn't think it was a good idea for me to contact him ever again. He wasn't going to give me another chance and that isn't going to change. It's been two weeks I haven't spoken to him and it's my birthday this week. He messaged me saying happy birthday and asked if I wanted a present. We have been texting every day for give days. I don't know if him and this girl are still together I'm afraid to ask. I have wanted him back this whole time and I know the reason we broke up was something that could be fixed. I keep getting mixed signals. Since the break up I have begged, pleaded, cried, and just been a mess. I am a very beautiful woman and I have been on eight dates trying to get over him. I'm now at the point where I have my action and emotion under control, but I still love him and want him back. I'm really confused.
Hey Trina,
I think you are holding it together pretty well. I the think the best course of action is to keep contact with him via text and ask him out again after a few weeks. If he agrees, great. If not, then start no contact and decide whether you want to continue trying to get him back or move on.
Hey Trina,
I think you are holding it together pretty well. I the think the best course of action is to keep contact with him via text and ask him out again after a few weeks. If he agrees, great. If not, then start no contact and decide whether you want to continue trying to get him back or move on.
Hello,
My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke it off, but didnt actually say its over. For the first two years we were perfectly happen and in love, than after that this one year we things has changed towards him. He started acting cold towards me, i sometimes even felt like he didnt even love me or cared, but he wasnt telling me anything which he shouldve. Than things got more intense when he had a lot of problems himself, stress, and family problems that he was so angry and moody that he barely even talked to me or concerned about me like he use to. I havent seen him almost a month and it hurts me to much. I feel depressed and sometimes i wanna do revenge on him or even kill myself but i try to stay strong. I have done everything for this guy that no girl would ever do. So, i tried finding out the reason for him acting this way towards me, he first told me im having problems at home and stressed and he couldn't keep a gf or have time, but that isnt a good reason to break it off , and than i asked him to meet up with me he kept saying i will and never did to discuss whats going on with us he kept avoiding it maybe he cant see me face to face. But, he was okay to meet up with my sister and tell her everything which he shouldnt have because i was the one in the relarionship not my sis and he told her he didnt have feelings for me like that for a year now and he doesnt feel that spark like he did 2 years ago. Hes saying all these confusing stuff and i dont get what is the real truth. He first says he cant have a gf because off all thats going in and now im finding out he doesnt feel the same with me anymore and im thinking if u didnt feel the same why didnt u cut it off a year ago instead of still being with me? I dont know what else to do anymore. Im lost, hurt, torn, stressed. Please give me advise. Thank you
Hey Azniv,
It's very common for guys to lose interest in a relationship after a while. But the good news is, you can reignite the spark that he thinks is lost. Just apply no contact and follow the plan.
Hey Azniv,
It's very common for guys to lose interest in a relationship after a while. But the good news is, you can reignite the spark that he thinks is lost. Just apply no contact and follow the plan.
Hi Kevin, great article and very sound advice. I have a brief question. During the no contact period, would that exclude to going to marriage counselling together to discuss issues? There has been infidelity on her part and feel like I am dragging her along to therapy, so I think this may now be a poor choice at at cross purposes with the objective of 'no contact'. We are just about to seperate as she wants space, in her texts she says she loves me but space is the only thing she can think to do right now to deal with her guilt and regret for her affair. Would welcome your thoughts
Hey Dave,
I think MC can actually help if she is willing to put in the effort. But if she wants space, don't force her into counselling. Yes, it will defeat the purpose of no contact, but you can still benefit from no contact if you are not in touch with her outside of MC.
Hey Dave,
I think MC can actually help if she is willing to put in the effort. But if she wants space, don't force her into counselling. Yes, it will defeat the purpose of no contact, but you can still benefit from no contact if you are not in touch with her outside of MC.
Hey, he contacted me after a long time and we started having a normal conversation. then he came down to meeting n all i want him back but i want to play smartly now please help
Well, take it slow. Don't be needy. Let him chase you. And above all, put yourself before him.
Well, take it slow. Don't be needy. Let him chase you. And above all, put yourself before him.
Hi Kevin,
I've had a crazy encounter with a guy i met on the internet, I went to visit him and we had a crazy week of sex. But when I came back home he stopped contacting me, only answering if I was the first making a move. So I deciced to block his contact on every online apps, to see if he would have contacted me via telephone. But he didn't, so after 4 days I unblocked and started doing all the wrong things you described... I wanted to call him and begged a lot. He said he was angry because I blocked him and that it was my fault, but I told him that he changed since I was back. It's since we first argued about the "block" that we don't call and it's passed a month.. he's been ignoring all my calls, even when I used to ask him via text if I could have called him in the evening and he replied "ok", but then at night he didn't pick up. Is there hope I'll ever hear him again? I've started the NC rule for 4 days now and he hasn't called/texted yet. I wish i knew what's behind this! And are there hopes he wants to be back?
There's too much uncertainty to understand what's behind this. He's just someone you spent a week with. You don't know him at all. For all you know, he could be a spy working for the MI6. But yeah, follow the plan and see what happens. If it doesn't work, move on. Don't invest more of your time and energy on someone you don't know.
There's too much uncertainty to understand what's behind this. He's just someone you spent a week with. You don't know him at all. For all you know, he could be a spy working for the MI6. But yeah, follow the plan and see what happens. If it doesn't work, move on. Don't invest more of your time and energy on someone you don't know.
Hey I just read your article. I dated this guy early last year for 2 months. I became pushy and needy. He decided to end it. I was miserable and begging for him for the next few months. Till one day I decided to stop. We didn't contact each other for 3 months. Then I contacted him back late last year. Well we started to be friends again. The attraction came back. Sadly it didn't last for long. I became pushy and needy again. This because he doesn't share much things with me. I became insecure.
Again he decided we will never ever be together. And he put up religion as another issue for us. I managed to talk to him about us being just friends. Sadly that's not what I wanted. How can I get him back. He said there's no way he will ever be together with me again or open up his heart for me again.
Hey,
Did you stop contact with him this time? You did it once by not contacting him for 3 months. Do it again. Only this time, don't get back with him unless you are sure he is the right person for you.
The fact is, his behavior triggers your insecurity and you probably need someone who is open about his feelings to feel secure in a relationship. Someone who knows how to communicate and who can understand you. If he is not that person, or if he doesn't want to do the work to become that person, then he is not the right person for you.
Hey,
Did you stop contact with him this time? You did it once by not contacting him for 3 months. Do it again. Only this time, don't get back with him unless you are sure he is the right person for you.
The fact is, his behavior triggers your insecurity and you probably need someone who is open about his feelings to feel secure in a relationship. Someone who knows how to communicate and who can understand you. If he is not that person, or if he doesn't want to do the work to become that person, then he is not the right person for you.
Hi,
I was dating this guy for about 4-5 months and he broke up with me, saying that he just wanted to be friends. I told him it was fine with me but after a week I decided that I could not be friends with him since I liked him too much. I did NC for over two months and then I added him to FB with the hope that we can take it slow. But I saw on FB that he was in a relationship with another girl, and that broke my heart. I found out that he was dating both of us at the same time!!!
Anyway, about two months after the first contact, he invited me to his birthday party and I couldn't understand why he would since his girlfriend will be there? So, I decided not to go. I told him I had other plans and wished him a happy birthday.
Next week I'm going with some friends to this bar (was planed over a week ago) but I just find out from his FB that he is going to be there too.
I'm not sure what to do and how to act when I see him.
I would really appreciate your advice.
Thanks
Hey,
Just enjoy your drinks with your friends. Let him see you looking confident and sexy and think "why the heck did I leave her". You'll have to interact with him. Just be cool and treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
Hey,
Just enjoy your drinks with your friends. Let him see you looking confident and sexy and think "why the heck did I leave her". You'll have to interact with him. Just be cool and treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
Hey Kev,
Long story short - my girlfriend of 5 1/2 years broke up with me a month ago, saying she had never been on her own (true, she's had boyfriends constantly since she was 13 and met me when she was 16, she's now 22) and needs to find out if she can live without having anyone to lean on, at least for now, but she made it clear that we would definitely see each other again even though she couldn't say when. Before that she was always talking about marriage and kids, she even had decided what their names would be etc. I had been neglecting her for a while because of work but the break-up still felt out of the blue. I've followed your advice since then by doing no contact, working on myself and seeing a couple of other girls (who are fun but honestly just do not compare). However, a couple of days ago I had to text my ex to ask for some stuff back that I need for work, she called me and we got talking and now we're meeting next Friday night. During the call she was saying things like "you sound so much more mature" and "you seem like you're doing really well", which I suppose I have been (thanks to your advice!). Is it too soon to start thinking about trying to get her back and she's maybe just testing the waters, or is this just one of those break-ups that works itself out quicker than most? I don't want to move too fast in case she hasn't had time to do whatever it is that she thought she needed.
You have really helped me get through the grief and recovery process (admittedly for the first week I didn't handle it well, but that was before I found this site) and I'm certain that I want her back, just not sure about the timing... I would really appreciate anything that you can offer.
Thanks,
Sean
Hey Sean,
You already got a date, so go ahead and meet her. Just remember to be confident and happy. Even if it's too soon for her, she'll get the image of the "new you" in her head after the date. And that image will stay in her mind and work to your advantage. So, yeah, you don't have anything to lose, unless you declare your undying love for her as soon as you see her. Just be confident and don't give her the slightest idea that you are hoping to get back together. At least not on the first date.
Hey Sean,
You already got a date, so go ahead and meet her. Just remember to be confident and happy. Even if it's too soon for her, she'll get the image of the "new you" in her head after the date. And that image will stay in her mind and work to your advantage. So, yeah, you don't have anything to lose, unless you declare your undying love for her as soon as you see her. Just be confident and don't give her the slightest idea that you are hoping to get back together. At least not on the first date.
Hey kevin,
I found this website very helpful and insightful.I went thru a break up, but I did the break up.For my situation it was something I had to do.I really did not feel like I was my best shape for him I didn't want to make him miserable.I had a lot of signs that came clear to me.Like him not calling me or texting me back when I was trying to reach him now this was happening while I was in the relationship with him!!.when we have sex it will take a hard time for him to get an erection..that let me know he wasn't as into me as I was to him..Now that I have basically saved myself from a huge decision that I was about to make, because I really don't think my needs would have been met.His would have, but not mines.Had I would have went on with my decision I know I would been miserable.that was why I made my decision to break up.But why do I feel like I lost?..Can you please answer that for me?
Hey Sherice,
You feel lost because you lost something. You lost something precious. And it's human nature to feel like this when they loose something. Even if losing that something was the right thing to do, you still feel this way. I guess you just need to give it some time. There are a lot of resources on the internet that can help you with moving on from a breakup. Search for them and I hope you start feeling better soon.
Hey Sherice,
You feel lost because you lost something. You lost something precious. And it's human nature to feel like this when they loose something. Even if losing that something was the right thing to do, you still feel this way. I guess you just need to give it some time. There are a lot of resources on the internet that can help you with moving on from a breakup. Search for them and I hope you start feeling better soon.
My ex was keep calling me when I start the no contact.it's already 11 days since I never contact him and 11 days he keep calling me.I receive many calls from him and he either use other mobile number but still I didn't recieve any call from him.and he send me 1 message(he said:just pick up my call please)but I didn't response to his message.and this Feb 1 I receive 29 misscalls from him.I didn't answer any of those calls.
I love him so much and I know he is my soul mate..but I did try this 30 days no contact because when that time comes I want to be a better person.
We don't have a formal break up but I already assume it.
I know he loves me a lot too.but I am a very jealous person and I control his life. Thats why I understand he become cold to me:(
I already start this no contact rule so I will finish this!!!
All the best Haryl. In cases like this, I usually recommend to just send an email to the ex explaining that you'll contact them after some time and you need some space and time, before starting NC. This way, hopefully they will leave you alone for some time. But it's totally your call. I hope everything works out for you. Try to work on your jealousy issues during this time. There are a lot of resources on the internet that can help you with this.
All the best Haryl. In cases like this, I usually recommend to just send an email to the ex explaining that you'll contact them after some time and you need some space and time, before starting NC. This way, hopefully they will leave you alone for some time. But it's totally your call. I hope everything works out for you. Try to work on your jealousy issues during this time. There are a lot of resources on the internet that can help you with this.
Hey,
My ex and I did long distance for 3.5 years, but still intimate and intense. Honestly, more than a relationships we were companions, best friends.
He broke up with me 5 months ago (legitimate reasons that were heightened by the distance) did no contact then by chance of a business meeting I ended up in his, we hooked up but were on different pages. He was hurting and wanted me in his life but not in a relationship. We stayed in touch after but I finally told him I couldn't pretend I was okay with this. Around this time I also felt he was seeing someone because of his tone. After I told him I couldn't be his friend, he stopped contacting me. I then found out he's dating.
I might be moving to his town in two months for work which freaks me out haha - any suggestions? I'm doing NC right now.
Two months is enough for no contact. So you do have a pretty good chance of getting back together at that point. All the best.
Two months is enough for no contact. So you do have a pretty good chance of getting back together at that point. All the best.
I have been with my fiancé for 6 years and we broke up a week ago. She said I don't make her happy anymore and doesn't think she's in love with me. She had a friend move in before all this happened. The friend is single, parties all the time, and is always being chassed by guys. Two days afterwards she started saying all these things to me. To make things worse I also found out that a few days before the breakup she was talking to other guy behind my back. We still lived together for a few days before I moved out. That was three days ago. I didn't say anything to her the day I was packing my stuff and the three current days. I'm starting to think did I do the right thing. I love her more then words can describe and I gave her my heart. I still want to marry her and have a family like we talked before all this happened. What should I do?
James, think about it for some time. It's just been 3 days. I know you love her, but stay in NC for at least 30 days and think real hard if you want a relationship with her. If you still want her back after 30 days, contact her.
James, think about it for some time. It's just been 3 days. I know you love her, but stay in NC for at least 30 days and think real hard if you want a relationship with her. If you still want her back after 30 days, contact her.
Hey Kevin, so my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 4,5 years together. I never saw it coming, we were in the talks of moving in together and all. Thing is, things haven't been so great the past months and I knew/know that and I can see why things went the way they did. But the truth is, he lost hope in our relationship and really stopped fighting even though he didn't quite realize it until the point where there was no return. But yes, I still didn't think it would come to this and in this way.
To make matters worse I've naturally done everything wrong, calling him basically every day, being sad, asking all sorts of questions about everything, trying to understand cause that's what I do - I need all the pieces of the puzzle.
To make matters EVEN worse I found out that he actually spent the night at a girl friend's house, sleeping with her - as in sleeping Zz, not sex - and making out, hugging and doing all the things that were special for us and it freaked me out, I called, we met, we talked, I cried and yelled "How the hell could you do this to me!?". Although I believed he deserved it, especially since he told me nothing (I found out by accident) even though I literally asked him about this girl, wondering if he had feelings for her, and that I was scared he did and would "move on with her".. Now he assures me it wouldn't have happened unless he was wasted and that it won't happen again but.. It's hard not to think about the two of them together.. And it's hard not to worry since they spend every single day together cause they study the same programme.
Now I read through the Relationship Rewind thing and it sounds very good, a good game plan. Thing is, I don't KNOW if I want him back right now, I do think we both need this but I want there to at least be hope for the future, a hope which he is determined not to share with me, and that hurts, that he can be "so sure". So I'm at least going to try the RR way and see where it leads me, right now I just need to get out of this emotional hell I'm in. And my main question right now is that yesterday we decided to have some distance but that we would see each other some day this week, I have some stuff I want back and when we decided this I still felt like I needed to talk and we made this plan before I even found this page and RR. So I'm wondering, what am I to do when I see him according to the Relationship Rewind plan? What is the best strategy? After this I will do step 2 and 3, but what do I tell him now? Other then that I'm okay with the break up and want to be friends and all that which Ryan said. Please help, I don't want to make matters worse and I want to ignite the hope for a future together, cause right now, I desperately need that hope. Thanks for great advice, I hope there's more :)
If you are just meeting to get some of your stuff back, you don't really need to say much. Just be cool and don't talk about anything personal. Keep the conversation short and sweet. All the best.
Thanks for answering. What we're doing is basically meeting for coffee. One more question though, how do I bring about the whole no contact-thing? Cause we agreed that we should keep some distance, but I shouldn't tell him "we shouldn't talk for a while" right? That would ruin the whole thing. I should be confident, not talk about his deal with the other girl, not about anything that's happened or about the future? Should I tell him I'm okay with the break-up and it might actually be a good thing? That I don't want to know anything about anything, cause Saturday I told him I did (if what happened with the girl happened again), that he should tell me.
Thing is, up until Sunday I was a complete and utter mess and I would think it'd seem suspicious if I just pulled a total 180, I mean, he knows me..
There's no need to mention no contact. Just talk about things unrelated to the relationship and each other's personal life. If it comes up, then yes you should tell him you are OK with the breakup. And there's no need to talk about the girl. You are just starting no contact, so yeah, he'll be a little suspicious. That's why you should keep it as short as possible.
Hey Kevin, me again. So the situation is this, I wrote him a letter last week, saw him and we talked and ended it kind of on good terms, agreeing not to talk for a while. However both this Saturday and next we're basically being forced to see each other, all of our friends are pretty much mutual.. It kinda ruins the whole no-contact-and-then-make-transformation-and-he'll-be-wowed-when-we-finally-meet-thing. What do I do? Thing is, I made up my mind that I did NOT want to see him or want him to come, but at the same time I do want to see him.. Should I not go? That also doesn't seem right, letting this keep me from seeing my friends. Any good advice?
Go to meet your friends. Have fun with them and treat your ex like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. As long as these meetings are not too frequent, it shouldn't be a problem. If you are actually making transformation, it'll still be very effective after the no contact period.
Go to meet your friends. Have fun with them and treat your ex like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. As long as these meetings are not too frequent, it shouldn't be a problem. If you are actually making transformation, it'll still be very effective after the no contact period.
Go to meet your friends. Have fun with them and treat your ex like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. As long as these meetings are not too frequent, it shouldn't be a problem. If you are actually making transformation, it'll still be very effective after the no contact period.
Go to meet your friends. Have fun with them and treat your ex like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. As long as these meetings are not too frequent, it shouldn't be a problem. If you are actually making transformation, it'll still be very effective after the no contact period.
Go to meet your friends. Have fun with them and treat your ex like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. As long as these meetings are not too frequent, it shouldn't be a problem. If you are actually making transformation, it'll still be very effective after the no contact period.
Go to meet your friends. Have fun with them and treat your ex like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. As long as these meetings are not too frequent, it shouldn't be a problem. If you are actually making transformation, it'll still be very effective after the no contact period.
Hey Kevin, me again. So the situation is this, I wrote him a letter last week, saw him and we talked and ended it kind of on good terms, agreeing not to talk for a while. However both this Saturday and next we're basically being forced to see each other, all of our friends are pretty much mutual.. It kinda ruins the whole no-contact-and-then-make-transformation-and-he'll-be-wowed-when-we-finally-meet-thing. What do I do? Thing is, I made up my mind that I did NOT want to see him or want him to come, but at the same time I do want to see him.. Should I not go? That also doesn't seem right, letting this keep me from seeing my friends. Any good advice?
Hey Kevin, me again. So the situation is this, I wrote him a letter last week, saw him and we talked and ended it kind of on good terms, agreeing not to talk for a while. However both this Saturday and next we're basically being forced to see each other, all of our friends are pretty much mutual.. It kinda ruins the whole no-contact-and-then-make-transformation-and-he'll-be-wowed-when-we-finally-meet-thing. What do I do? Thing is, I made up my mind that I did NOT want to see him or want him to come, but at the same time I do want to see him.. Should I not go? That also doesn't seem right, letting this keep me from seeing my friends. Any good advice?
Hey Kevin, me again. So the situation is this, I wrote him a letter last week, saw him and we talked and ended it kind of on good terms, agreeing not to talk for a while. However both this Saturday and next we're basically being forced to see each other, all of our friends are pretty much mutual.. It kinda ruins the whole no-contact-and-then-make-transformation-and-he'll-be-wowed-when-we-finally-meet-thing. What do I do? Thing is, I made up my mind that I did NOT want to see him or want him to come, but at the same time I do want to see him.. Should I not go? That also doesn't seem right, letting this keep me from seeing my friends. Any good advice?
Hey Kevin, me again. So the situation is this, I wrote him a letter last week, saw him and we talked and ended it kind of on good terms, agreeing not to talk for a while. However both this Saturday and next we're basically being forced to see each other, all of our friends are pretty much mutual.. It kinda ruins the whole no-contact-and-then-make-transformation-and-he'll-be-wowed-when-we-finally-meet-thing. What do I do? Thing is, I made up my mind that I did NOT want to see him or want him to come, but at the same time I do want to see him.. Should I not go? That also doesn't seem right, letting this keep me from seeing my friends. Any good advice?
There's no need to mention no contact. Just talk about things unrelated to the relationship and each other's personal life. If it comes up, then yes you should tell him you are OK with the breakup. And there's no need to talk about the girl. You are just starting no contact, so yeah, he'll be a little suspicious. That's why you should keep it as short as possible.
There's no need to mention no contact. Just talk about things unrelated to the relationship and each other's personal life. If it comes up, then yes you should tell him you are OK with the breakup. And there's no need to talk about the girl. You are just starting no contact, so yeah, he'll be a little suspicious. That's why you should keep it as short as possible.
There's no need to mention no contact. Just talk about things unrelated to the relationship and each other's personal life. If it comes up, then yes you should tell him you are OK with the breakup. And there's no need to talk about the girl. You are just starting no contact, so yeah, he'll be a little suspicious. That's why you should keep it as short as possible.
Thanks for answering. What we're doing is basically meeting for coffee. One more question though, how do I bring about the whole no contact-thing? Cause we agreed that we should keep some distance, but I shouldn't tell him "we shouldn't talk for a while" right? That would ruin the whole thing. I should be confident, not talk about his deal with the other girl, not about anything that's happened or about the future? Should I tell him I'm okay with the break-up and it might actually be a good thing? That I don't want to know anything about anything, cause Saturday I told him I did (if what happened with the girl happened again), that he should tell me.
Thing is, up until Sunday I was a complete and utter mess and I would think it'd seem suspicious if I just pulled a total 180, I mean, he knows me..
Thanks for answering. What we're doing is basically meeting for coffee. One more question though, how do I bring about the whole no contact-thing? Cause we agreed that we should keep some distance, but I shouldn't tell him "we shouldn't talk for a while" right? That would ruin the whole thing. I should be confident, not talk about his deal with the other girl, not about anything that's happened or about the future? Should I tell him I'm okay with the break-up and it might actually be a good thing? That I don't want to know anything about anything, cause Saturday I told him I did (if what happened with the girl happened again), that he should tell me.
Thing is, up until Sunday I was a complete and utter mess and I would think it'd seem suspicious if I just pulled a total 180, I mean, he knows me..
If you are just meeting to get some of your stuff back, you don't really need to say much. Just be cool and don't talk about anything personal. Keep the conversation short and sweet. All the best.
If you've already came off as needy and desperate and begged your ex back and he said he wants to be left alone, do you still have a chance in getting him back once he cools down?
Yes, you do. You need to apply the no contact rule.
Yes, you do. You need to apply the no contact rule.
Hi Kevin,
I read your entire steps on getting your ex back. That I must say is the work of a pro. Thank you for that. However, as much as I will love to still have some form of relationship with my ex-girl, I am very skeptical if it will ever be possible.
We got intense into each other, I loved her so much before I knew I did. I will say she picked me up, I became her first and she was my first serious love though I am a lot older than her. I fell deep later into our relationship because I just got to love a lot of things about her.
For no reason, one evening, I wanted to talk to her and she told me, she doesn't like having talks with you. That was shocking and painful, it was through who I was she fell in love with me and through that same me, she hated something. But it was definitely something that was going on that she didn't want to let me know. It was something deep down her heart.
There we started to disagree, argue and according to her fight, I thought that was an exaggeration. Before I knew it for the very first time ever, she walked away from me. She never did that but she did. Little did I know she was on her way out literally. When she got to her place, she started to text me on why we haven't been getting along lately. Good question I said, but is that me? usually I comply with her and accommodate her wishes. Man, if I had known from what you wrote earlier, I would have prevented this whole thing from happening. But on and on it unfolded and got ugly. She said we needed time off later that night, I still didn't get this. Time off? I asked. At this point I thought she had me in the dark and I was pushing to know what she was up to in her mind.
She didn't want to see me but I managed my way into her, she became upset and again disagreement dropped. Finally she said, she think we should be friends at this point. I was so hurt but not surprise knowing that this is what she wanted all this time but just couldn't put it somewhere that could make sense. The reasons that follows didn't convince me but she said she didn't care.
The next day she started to break the news, pull down everything on Facebook. I felt like I was going to die, seriously. I did and said things that weren't right and it was all to my ruin. She actually made efforts to mend things and I blew it out of proportion. Now, I have no means of contact with her, she blocked my phone, fb, everything. She also asked that I should never send her a mail again all because she needed her space she said. Her friends, some wouldn't even talk to me, she even blocked some of my friends as well. I feel like a loser but this is my first time that all of this happened. When I see her, I feel like I will throw up. Not that I hate her but too overwhelming pressure within.
What is your take, I don't think she is dating anyone around. She is the kind who can live without a man I understood. I will definitely hurt to see her going out with somebody. Even the pain of her not talking to me alone is heavy on me. At this point I think she meant it when she said she's done talking to me. I thought I could get her to think otherwise but truth me told, she is very adamant and I feel like throwing in the towel.
I on the other hand is broken into pieces and this all happened almost two months now. No signs of anything ever getting better and healing doesn't seem possible.I need help. I try to do a lot of things just to forget her but nothing seems to be working. What is my take from this with your vast pool of ideas and advice?
So, I take it you haven't contacted her for two months? If so, that's a great start. If not wait a month before making the next move. I'd begin by sending her the letter. It could be email or hand written. Your choice. And then again stop contact for another month. Then contact her again using text messages. If even at this point she is adamant and doesn't want to talk to you, you should throw in the towel. But IMO, she is just angry because of the way you reacted and she will cool down if you give her time.
So, I take it you haven't contacted her for two months? If so, that's a great start. If not wait a month before making the next move. I'd begin by sending her the letter. It could be email or hand written. Your choice. And then again stop contact for another month. Then contact her again using text messages. If even at this point she is adamant and doesn't want to talk to you, you should throw in the towel. But IMO, she is just angry because of the way you reacted and she will cool down if you give her time.
hey Kevin!
Your advice was really great and it helped me relax a bit and get my mind off things. My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago but during those weeks i have contacted her... and i have begged and her stuff you said not to do. Before we broke up we decided to go to Paris together and we already bought the tickets before we broke up. She promised that she would go but then suddenly said that she doesnt want to. I convinced her somehow and she said "Ok i will go with you one last time. but afterwards I will never do anything like this again"
It will be in 10 days. I was wondering if I do the no contact period now... if things will work out? I know you said it takes a month but I just wanted to know... Also, I was hoping to propose to her... because in my mind I had a thought that I wouldnt make any moves... I would wait for her to hold my hand or hug me tight or even kiss me... And I thought that would be the best time to grab her one last time. What do you think? Once again. Thanks for your awesome advice!!
OK, it's a tricky situation. It could be that she is thinking a trip to Paris is too good to pass. Or she might be thinking that there is a chance of reconciliation on that trip. IMO, a trip can be risky since you'll be together all the time and you won't get the advantage of leaving on a high note (which works great in case of a coffee date).
But, it can also be advantageous if you can maintain your calm and confidence during the entire trip and do not show any signs of neediness. Proposing her is again risky. It depends on the reason she broke up with you. If she broke up with you because you were not ready to commit, proposing her is a great idea. But if she broke up with you because she lost attraction and doesn't feel she is in love with you, proposing her might backfire. I wouldn't recommend you propose her unless you are absolutely sure she'll say yes.
Well... The reason she broke up was because she said... she doesnt know where this relationship is going. she has nothing to forward to. and shes bored of the same things... she said that she wants to feel fresh when meeting her friends instead of having me at the back of her mind, she told me she wouldnt date for a long time... Few days ago i found out she went to a night club and it broke my heart hearing that she danced with a guy all night... and when the guy asked for her number, she told me she didnt give it because she wasnt ready for a relationship. but then she suddenly posts on fb that shes trying to find that guy. I asked her why and she said..." because, i gave him my fb account but he didnt add me. I dont want to date him or anything. it was only a one night flirt thing. But him not adding me makes him you know... mysterious"...
I dont know if im being clear or talking in a jumbled way... sorry. But I just dont know what she wants...
On the day we broke up I asked her if she still loves me and cares about me. she said "i do... and when im with u im so happy. but when we arent together i feel bored. i want to be free from this relationship which isnt going anywhere"
but... i thought it would be a great idea to propose to her for her to have something to look forward to in life i guess... but if shes slowly forgetting me till the day we go to paris... then i think she will say no to my proposal. What do you think Kevin...?
Hey Jin,
I don't think she'll forget you by the time you go to Paris, so don't worry about that. However, I don't think it's a good idea to propose since it's a very risky move. I think you should wait until you get back together before proposing. Besides, I don't believe you should get married with someone just to give them something to look forward to in life. Even if she says yes, I think it'll be for the wrong reason and you might end up getting hurt even worse in the future.
Hey Jin,
I don't think she'll forget you by the time you go to Paris, so don't worry about that. However, I don't think it's a good idea to propose since it's a very risky move. I think you should wait until you get back together before proposing. Besides, I don't believe you should get married with someone just to give them something to look forward to in life. Even if she says yes, I think it'll be for the wrong reason and you might end up getting hurt even worse in the future.
Hey Jin,
I don't think she'll forget you by the time you go to Paris, so don't worry about that. However, I don't think it's a good idea to propose since it's a very risky move. I think you should wait until you get back together before proposing. Besides, I don't believe you should get married with someone just to give them something to look forward to in life. Even if she says yes, I think it'll be for the wrong reason and you might end up getting hurt even worse in the future.
Hey Jin,
I don't think she'll forget you by the time you go to Paris, so don't worry about that. However, I don't think it's a good idea to propose since it's a very risky move. I think you should wait until you get back together before proposing. Besides, I don't believe you should get married with someone just to give them something to look forward to in life. Even if she says yes, I think it'll be for the wrong reason and you might end up getting hurt even worse in the future.
Well... The reason she broke up was because she said... she doesnt know where this relationship is going. she has nothing to forward to. and shes bored of the same things... she said that she wants to feel fresh when meeting her friends instead of having me at the back of her mind, she told me she wouldnt date for a long time... Few days ago i found out she went to a night club and it broke my heart hearing that she danced with a guy all night... and when the guy asked for her number, she told me she didnt give it because she wasnt ready for a relationship. but then she suddenly posts on fb that shes trying to find that guy. I asked her why and she said..." because, i gave him my fb account but he didnt add me. I dont want to date him or anything. it was only a one night flirt thing. But him not adding me makes him you know... mysterious"...
I dont know if im being clear or talking in a jumbled way... sorry. But I just dont know what she wants...
On the day we broke up I asked her if she still loves me and cares about me. she said "i do... and when im with u im so happy. but when we arent together i feel bored. i want to be free from this relationship which isnt going anywhere"
but... i thought it would be a great idea to propose to her for her to have something to look forward to in life i guess... but if shes slowly forgetting me till the day we go to paris... then i think she will say no to my proposal. What do you think Kevin...?
Well... The reason she broke up was because she said... she doesnt know where this relationship is going. she has nothing to forward to. and shes bored of the same things... she said that she wants to feel fresh when meeting her friends instead of having me at the back of her mind, she told me she wouldnt date for a long time... Few days ago i found out she went to a night club and it broke my heart hearing that she danced with a guy all night... and when the guy asked for her number, she told me she didnt give it because she wasnt ready for a relationship. but then she suddenly posts on fb that shes trying to find that guy. I asked her why and she said..." because, i gave him my fb account but he didnt add me. I dont want to date him or anything. it was only a one night flirt thing. But him not adding me makes him you know... mysterious"...
I dont know if im being clear or talking in a jumbled way... sorry. But I just dont know what she wants...
On the day we broke up I asked her if she still loves me and cares about me. she said "i do... and when im with u im so happy. but when we arent together i feel bored. i want to be free from this relationship which isnt going anywhere"
but... i thought it would be a great idea to propose to her for her to have something to look forward to in life i guess... but if shes slowly forgetting me till the day we go to paris... then i think she will say no to my proposal. What do you think Kevin...?
OK, it's a tricky situation. It could be that she is thinking a trip to Paris is too good to pass. Or she might be thinking that there is a chance of reconciliation on that trip. IMO, a trip can be risky since you'll be together all the time and you won't get the advantage of leaving on a high note (which works great in case of a coffee date).
But, it can also be advantageous if you can maintain your calm and confidence during the entire trip and do not show any signs of neediness. Proposing her is again risky. It depends on the reason she broke up with you. If she broke up with you because you were not ready to commit, proposing her is a great idea. But if she broke up with you because she lost attraction and doesn't feel she is in love with you, proposing her might backfire. I wouldn't recommend you propose her unless you are absolutely sure she'll say yes.
Hey Kevin,
I need some strong advice here. To an unusually tricky situation.
I live in Sweden and my ex lives in Germany. She came here to be with me for a time and we had started to plan going to the next step. I was 19 when she came and I'm now 20. During her time here I didn't really get a hold of my life, I also didn't quite appreciate her as much as I should have. I was still living at home with her here and she had issues getting citizenship. In the end she left me. I begged her to stay and I cried my heart out, realising what I had lost just then.
That day was chaos by your list. I did everything wrong. The day after that I contacted her again. We had a bit of a fight and she ended up hanging up on me. I sent her a rose afterwards. And we didn't talk for a week. She came back and said she wanted to talk to me and that she had missed me. We had a long talk and she said she felt relieved after it and was a little dicey about what she wanted. She told me to contact her once the citizenship arrived. The next day she sent me a text, she wanted to show me a video. We had a short text talk she said during that session that she wanted to be just friends from this point on. The next day (today) the citizenship arrived. I told her about it in the most platonic matter possible, as she had requested. We kept on texting a bit afterwards, I made sure that she was fueling the conversation.
Since she left I've gone to a therapist for my phsycological issues (social phobia), I've started getting my drivers license, I've gotten a job and I've started looking for my own place. As I move forward I try and think that she will come back if I change. She says that she can't trust me anymore. And are afraid of disappointment. I was going to keep off her and come back slowly, but with the citizenship expiring in 12 days I had to tell her about it. What do I do from this point on? Since the citizenship will expire it'll take several months again if she'd want to come back later. It should have been a huge encouragement that it arrived. Thanks for any advice you can give.
Hey Jonathan,
I guess it's a good idea to stay in contact till she has the citizenship. Although, do not push her to meet you or look needy in any way. If she initiates flirting, flirt back. If she asks to meet, meet. But don't be the first one to make a move. Even if she goes back, you can still initiate contact and make things work, so don't ruin it by being hasty.
The situation just got more troublesome. I found out she started talking to someone else and she's been talking to him alot.
I recieved the citizenship and contacted her about it. But she didn't want it anymore and said she wanted to be just friends from this point on. The day before she met the other guy, I found out. So she was considering comming back, up until that point.
She continued trying to talk to me casually by saying just hello and asking how I'm doing. After that I didn't answer she feared that I had tried to commit suicide so I had to answer her. We talked on skype and it ended up in a long half-tragic talk and then we cut contact, she said she wanted to cut it for atleast a month.
So at this point I'm just sitting here, taking it day by day watching as she is online 27/7 on whatsapp. Late nights, early mornings. Always online talking to someone.
I feel like I've lost this one
Hey Jonathan,
TBH, I feel like that you're better off without her. You probably still have a chance with her (I think you never went through complete no contact), so you can try no contact and see how it goes. You can even try being friends with her and build attraction slowly. But in my opinion, it'll be easier to just cut your losses and move on.
No, the no contact is still going. I've kinda recovered pretty good and right now looking forward I want to stay with her and see what she wants in the end. I know you'll say I'm suffering from post breakup syndrome, but I actually feel quite comfortable with her as a person. And since the main issue lies within myself I would really like to give this a shot.
Thanks for the advice tho man. It really helps, I admire your dedication to helping people out. I'll just stay off her until she comes back to me, and try and apply your rules.
No, the no contact is still going. I've kinda recovered pretty good and right now looking forward I want to stay with her and see what she wants in the end. I know you'll say I'm suffering from post breakup syndrome, but I actually feel quite comfortable with her as a person. And since the main issue lies within myself I would really like to give this a shot.
Thanks for the advice tho man. It really helps, I admire your dedication to helping people out. I'll just stay off her until she comes back to me, and try and apply your rules.
No, the no contact is still going. I've kinda recovered pretty good and right now looking forward I want to stay with her and see what she wants in the end. I know you'll say I'm suffering from post breakup syndrome, but I actually feel quite comfortable with her as a person. And since the main issue lies within myself I would really like to give this a shot.
Thanks for the advice tho man. It really helps, I admire your dedication to helping people out. I'll just stay off her until she comes back to me, and try and apply your rules.
No, the no contact is still going. I've kinda recovered pretty good and right now looking forward I want to stay with her and see what she wants in the end. I know you'll say I'm suffering from post breakup syndrome, but I actually feel quite comfortable with her as a person. And since the main issue lies within myself I would really like to give this a shot.
Thanks for the advice tho man. It really helps, I admire your dedication to helping people out. I'll just stay off her until she comes back to me, and try and apply your rules.
No, the no contact is still going. I've kinda recovered pretty good and right now looking forward I want to stay with her and see what she wants in the end. I know you'll say I'm suffering from post breakup syndrome, but I actually feel quite comfortable with her as a person. And since the main issue lies within myself I would really like to give this a shot.
Thanks for the advice tho man. It really helps, I admire your dedication to helping people out. I'll just stay off her until she comes back to me, and try and apply your rules.
Hey Jonathan,
TBH, I feel like that you're better off without her. You probably still have a chance with her (I think you never went through complete no contact), so you can try no contact and see how it goes. You can even try being friends with her and build attraction slowly. But in my opinion, it'll be easier to just cut your losses and move on.
Hey Jonathan,
TBH, I feel like that you're better off without her. You probably still have a chance with her (I think you never went through complete no contact), so you can try no contact and see how it goes. You can even try being friends with her and build attraction slowly. But in my opinion, it'll be easier to just cut your losses and move on.
Hey Jonathan,
TBH, I feel like that you're better off without her. You probably still have a chance with her (I think you never went through complete no contact), so you can try no contact and see how it goes. You can even try being friends with her and build attraction slowly. But in my opinion, it'll be easier to just cut your losses and move on.
The situation just got more troublesome. I found out she started talking to someone else and she's been talking to him alot.
I recieved the citizenship and contacted her about it. But she didn't want it anymore and said she wanted to be just friends from this point on. The day before she met the other guy, I found out. So she was considering comming back, up until that point.
She continued trying to talk to me casually by saying just hello and asking how I'm doing. After that I didn't answer she feared that I had tried to commit suicide so I had to answer her. We talked on skype and it ended up in a long half-tragic talk and then we cut contact, she said she wanted to cut it for atleast a month.
So at this point I'm just sitting here, taking it day by day watching as she is online 27/7 on whatsapp. Late nights, early mornings. Always online talking to someone.
I feel like I've lost this one
The situation just got more troublesome. I found out she started talking to someone else and she's been talking to him alot.
I recieved the citizenship and contacted her about it. But she didn't want it anymore and said she wanted to be just friends from this point on. The day before she met the other guy, I found out. So she was considering comming back, up until that point.
She continued trying to talk to me casually by saying just hello and asking how I'm doing. After that I didn't answer she feared that I had tried to commit suicide so I had to answer her. We talked on skype and it ended up in a long half-tragic talk and then we cut contact, she said she wanted to cut it for atleast a month.
So at this point I'm just sitting here, taking it day by day watching as she is online 27/7 on whatsapp. Late nights, early mornings. Always online talking to someone.
I feel like I've lost this one
Hey Jonathan,
I guess it's a good idea to stay in contact till she has the citizenship. Although, do not push her to meet you or look needy in any way. If she initiates flirting, flirt back. If she asks to meet, meet. But don't be the first one to make a move. Even if she goes back, you can still initiate contact and make things work, so don't ruin it by being hasty.
Hey,
Firstly I just want to say I think your website it great and has some truly useful advice on here.
Its been about 2 weeks since I came out of a year long relationship with someone I was friends with for a long time before our relationship began. Pretty much everyday since we broke up we've both been texting each other and having short conversations when we bump into each other, but he acts as if he's happy and fine most of the time. I made a lot of the obvious mistakes to start with (reasoning, pleading) but decided to go ahead with the no contact starting today.. However, we had an argument yesterday regarding mutual friends and the reason we broke up was because of arguments, although we had a very good relationship and worked well together when we weren't arguing. I'm just unsure as to whether an issue like this can be resolved with the no contact rule? Could not seeing me or talking to me for a month really make him miss me, or would he just realise he is better off?
I also don't know what to do in regards to other boys. I was asked out by someone and told my ex this (as we were talking and I'm always horribly open) and he immediately said I should turn down his offer. Perhaps for him to see me out with others would make him regret his decision, or would it just push him away?
Thank you!
Hey Charlotte,
I think in your case it might be better to not date someone until the no contact period is over. And yes, no contact can make him miss you. The way you handle conflict can make or break a relationship. Luckily, it's a skill you can learn. I highly recommend the book "Non-violent Communications" by Roosenberg. Give it a read during no contact.
Thank you. I will definitely wait a few months before seeing someone else, but I have another issue. Throughout the duration of our relationship we always agreed we'd be friends no matter what, as we share friends and see each other around a lot.. Since coming across this site I've stopped my clingy behavior, and stopped being needy and become more indepdant, however I think he has sensed this and is continuously texting me. I'm unsure whether to ignore him, or to tell him straight that I just need space, although if I did that after the no contact he may feel betrayed by me and not even want friendship from me, which ultimately would make the whole thing worse. Will check out the book!
How will he feel betrayed if you tell him that you need some space and time? You need space and time for yourself? ?If that's the case, didn't he betray you by breaking your heart and leaving you? And yet, you still want to be with him.
Just let him know in a calm and rational manner that you need some time on your own. I think he'll understand.
How will he feel betrayed if you tell him that you need some space and time? You need space and time for yourself? ?If that's the case, didn't he betray you by breaking your heart and leaving you? And yet, you still want to be with him.
Just let him know in a calm and rational manner that you need some time on your own. I think he'll understand.
How will he feel betrayed if you tell him that you need some space and time? You need space and time for yourself? ?If that's the case, didn't he betray you by breaking your heart and leaving you? And yet, you still want to be with him.
Just let him know in a calm and rational manner that you need some time on your own. I think he'll understand.
How will he feel betrayed if you tell him that you need some space and time? You need space and time for yourself? ?If that's the case, didn't he betray you by breaking your heart and leaving you? And yet, you still want to be with him.
Just let him know in a calm and rational manner that you need some time on your own. I think he'll understand.
Thank you. I will definitely wait a few months before seeing someone else, but I have another issue. Throughout the duration of our relationship we always agreed we'd be friends no matter what, as we share friends and see each other around a lot.. Since coming across this site I've stopped my clingy behavior, and stopped being needy and become more indepdant, however I think he has sensed this and is continuously texting me. I'm unsure whether to ignore him, or to tell him straight that I just need space, although if I did that after the no contact he may feel betrayed by me and not even want friendship from me, which ultimately would make the whole thing worse. Will check out the book!
Thank you. I will definitely wait a few months before seeing someone else, but I have another issue. Throughout the duration of our relationship we always agreed we'd be friends no matter what, as we share friends and see each other around a lot.. Since coming across this site I've stopped my clingy behavior, and stopped being needy and become more indepdant, however I think he has sensed this and is continuously texting me. I'm unsure whether to ignore him, or to tell him straight that I just need space, although if I did that after the no contact he may feel betrayed by me and not even want friendship from me, which ultimately would make the whole thing worse. Will check out the book!
Hey Charlotte,
I think in your case it might be better to not date someone until the no contact period is over. And yes, no contact can make him miss you. The way you handle conflict can make or break a relationship. Luckily, it's a skill you can learn. I highly recommend the book "Non-violent Communications" by Roosenberg. Give it a read during no contact.
Hello,
I was in almost a 4 1/2 year relationship and now he has decide to be done with me this past Friday. We have been in this grey area and a split for 2 months with him always pleading to give him a chance. About a week ago we had an intimate moment in bed. And later that day he said he didn't fell the same. So I asked are you done with me and I got the go around with you pushed me away and I pushed you away. So then I lost it. I went over and demand for the few big ticket things I had there and was not allowed in the house. He apologized the next more and left me with hope I may have a chance. And then I did a few things you specifically said not to do. I called, messaged him and pleaded to give me a chance. And all I received was text messages over and over I'm done, enough is enough, I'm not going back and the phrase but you don't know about the future. Which left me even more confused. So I gave him space and the following day he messaged me asking for information about my laptop, I responded civilly. And received a mean messaged this Monday stating that he doesn't feel comfortable in the area he lives in because he feels like he has to watch for me. Trust me I am not a stalking kind of person and we live in a small town. 6 hours after that messaged he sent another text asking to buy my laptop. I didn't respond for awhile and we had another civil conversation and I stopped responding. All of this is puzzling to me because if he is done why is he messaging me for information? And at that, I learned later he has been seeing someone for a few weeks. And I recall seeing her pop up on his phone while we trying to fix things. Is his new relationship a rebound? And what makes it difficult is we share a dog, that I am unable to see. I do not want to be with him because of our dog. I want a chance to work things out because I was an independent and happy person in the first place, and he was just an added bonus to being happy. I know I have to work on myself. Is there even a chance he still cares or has he really moved on?
I need some advice so me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months and just yesterday he told me he was with someone and before that we would keep in contact all the time but I was surprised when he said he was with someone else because it always seemed as if he would give me a chance he would compliment me and he would act sad saying if you have moved on I really don't want to know the thing is, is that Im in love with this guy and we're I guess friends but Im in love with him and I don't want to give up on him I need help
Hey,
Apply no contact and then follow the plan.
Hey,
Apply no contact and then follow the plan.
Hello,
My ex broke up with me in October. There was a period of me begging and being a doormat, but that ended in about two weeks before I stopped texting him, then stopped talking to him all together (we're in a few classes together, so I saw/see him everyday). I did no contact twice after messing up the first time. We have now been texting and talking on friendly terms for about a month.
The problem is, I can't tell if he still has feelings for me. Right after we broke up, he pursued another girl who soon rejected him. But they were friends before and wanted to stay that way, so he had the opportunity to be all over her. He has definitely gotten better about that, and now treats her like a normal friend. But sometimes I think I catch him glancing at her, and I'm not sure if he's completely over her.
When my ex and I talk, he often brings up sexual memories of us, in a joking way I think. I don't know if he misses me, or how to tell if he does. I'm afraid he's still preoccupied by the other girl.
Do you have any advice on how to tell? Or how to remind him of his feelings for me?
Keep the texts going and stop worrying about him checking some other girl out. It's completely normal for guys to check out their girl friends sometimes. Ask him out for coffee or some other fun date.
Keep the texts going and stop worrying about him checking some other girl out. It's completely normal for guys to check out their girl friends sometimes. Ask him out for coffee or some other fun date.
Hi Kevin!
First thanks sooo much for this guide! It has given me so much hope for getting back with my ex.
My ex and I broke up technically about a month ago, but I didn't believe that he was serious until this past weekend. We had been together for 4 years and had a pretty great relationship. We were extremely close and did a lot together. We were truly in love with each other. In the recent months leading up to our breakup, I'll admit that I was feeling bored and impatient with the pace of things. I either wanted him to express that he was interested in marriage or I felt like I was gonna need to start moving on. I was stupid to pressure him and then push him away when he wasn't reciprocating.
I told him that I wanted to take a break thinking that I'd be able to date and maybe see if the grass was greener not realizing that my nonchalant request for a break hurt him deeply. That night he tried to reason with me but I was acting like I wasn't hearing it. By the time I came back the next day to smooth things over he said he wanted to break up. For that month I felt like we needed space so I stayed away and went out feeling like we'd get back together. But the more I tried to go back to the way things were, the less interested he was. It started to dawn on me that the breakup was serious.
This past weekend after not seeing him since Christmas Day, he came over to watch the Super Bowl with me. Somewhat foolishly, I looked into his phone and realized that he has been talking to someone new. That's when things became totally real and I freaked out. I knew that I loved him and wanted him back but now I was like OMG he's moving on and he's serious. He had been telling me that we were done and seeing the texts with the new girl made it real.
I broke all the rules and begged and cried and freaked out and begged some more. I cried for 24 hours straight thinking I'd lost him forever. He keeps telling me that he doesn't want to be with me and he sees nothing in me that would make him want me again.
For the past couple of days, he's voluntarily sent me texts asking if I'm okay. First day no but today, I started off a wreck but gradually got better. We spent most of the day texting like we always used to. As long as we don't discuss our relationship or breakup he wants to talk as normal.
I'm optimistic on one hand but on the other I'm terrified that he's going to get serious with this girl who he says he's known for years before me and always liked. That's my biggest fear. I'm having a hard time thinking about not contacting him. I know how he is and I know how he'll latch on to this new chick and he's a great catch so I know she'll latch on to him. He's so definitive in saying that we're done and that he wants to see what's out there. But I know he loves me and he said if it weren't for me asking for a break, we would still be together. Us texting is the only link we still have right now. Is cutting off contact really wise in our situation?
Hey Tamera,
Do you really think staying in contact with him will stop him from dating this girl? If so, then continue contact with him. But in my experience, by being in contact with him you are giving him the feeling that he still has you even if he starts dating the other girl. You'll end up becoming his backup.
Hey Tamera,
Do you really think staying in contact with him will stop him from dating this girl? If so, then continue contact with him. But in my experience, by being in contact with him you are giving him the feeling that he still has you even if he starts dating the other girl. You'll end up becoming his backup.
My ex of 5 years broke up with me two months ago saying even though I am the ideal girl for him, he can't see himself marrying me because he felt that our communication styles are different and he loves me but not in love with me anymore. However the few weeks leading up to the breakup he was still being affectionate, did special things, told me he loved me etc. When we broke up i said to him i realised where we went wrong and hope that at some point in the future we can still pick up where we left things off and he said "you never know, these things work in mysterious ways". He had broken up with me once before due to similar reasons (he started going out with me 6 months after he broke up with his ex of two years whom he resented and was very hurt from it) and he said he wasn't in love with me at that point and wasn't ready for a committed relationship but then 3 weeks later during NC he contacted me saying that he wanted to try again and he did love me but was just scared.
I knew for the last 6 months of the relationship i started acting immaturely and instead of communicating to him what i want i acted like a child and gave him the silent treatment instead of communicating like an adult. I have not spoken to him in a month and have cut all contact with him and i deactivated my facebook, and i also heard from my friend that he's also deleted all my friends off facebook. We also didn't agree on a NC timeframe.
Is there still hope? I feel like neither of us have tried our hardest to make the relationship work, even after the first time we got back together....
We didn't agree on a NC period of time
I think you still have hope. When you think you are ready, contact him using one of the methods mentioned in the 5 step plan.
I think you still have hope. When you think you are ready, contact him using one of the methods mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
My ex and I broke up exactly a year ago. I broke up with him for religious reason but I'm still in love with him till today. We were currently talking and catching up with everything until I said if we could meet up, he told me it would be inappropriate because his with someone now. 6 months ago, he heard that I was seeing someone and asked around if I was actually with or seeing that person. His obviously with his new gf now and I'm still sitting here in love with him.. till today I can't forget all the memories we've had because his left a big impact on my life and I don't want to give up. What should I do?
Stop contact with him. As long as you stay in contact with him, you won't realize whether or not he's good for your life.
Stop contact with him. As long as you stay in contact with him, you won't realize whether or not he's good for your life.
Hi kevin.
My boyfriend broke up with me 8 days ago. We were together for about a year. Our problem was that we were fighting over and over and over again almost every day at the end. The thing is that although i was a difficult person i had become very loving and caring at the end and i was trying so hard for us and even though i knew he loved me i could see the last two months that he was getting tired he was not the same i dont know i had issues. Also he was kinda lazy the last month which was making me go crazy since he had responsibilities as his university. I know he treated me very good especially at the beggining but at the end we got tired and i could see he was losing himself. After the break up,the next day i contact him few times with no response. At all! After 6 days i left a letter under his doormat and text him that i left something. He didnt answer. I never contact him again since then. I know he got hurt from my behaviour through our relationship but so was i as i was watching him being indifferent and selfish. What should i do do i have any aaaany chance of getting back together ?He seems very determined and also he is very selfish.
Hey Nina, it's just been 2 days since you didn't message him. Stay away from him for 30 days before talking to him again. And yes, you do have a chance. But think long and hard before getting back together. You both might not be as compatible as you think.
Hey Nina, it's just been 2 days since you didn't message him. Stay away from him for 30 days before talking to him again. And yes, you do have a chance. But think long and hard before getting back together. You both might not be as compatible as you think.
My girlfriend of five years kicked me out of our house after I was caught flirting with a friend and made plans to see her despite my ex not knowing and not approving. I put her through hell for five months, reassuring her, lying to her face. I spent two weeks begging, pleading trying to explain. She is now moving out of that house too. I no longer contact her unless she contacts me regarding the stuff I have to pick up from the house. She has said she needs time to figure out if this can be fixed at all which gives me hope, she also said to my counselor that she would need to see changes. It's been about five weeks since I had to leave, I'm still incredibly sad and miss her badly
Hey Chris,
I hope she does give you another chance and things work out great. Meanwhile, continue working yourself and make some positive changes in your life.
Hey Chris,
I hope she does give you another chance and things work out great. Meanwhile, continue working yourself and make some positive changes in your life.
Hey Kevin,well i broked up on 4th february,now its day one of No contact period.I wont talk to her in any way for 30 days,I really love her i am her first boyfriend and i wanted to explain u what happend an whats the problem,i seek your knoweldge.Well i was with her for 6 months we got really in love after 2 months after she told me on one party that she really loves me now,i knew she meant it bc her best friend told me that when they were alone at her place she told her that she would never broke up with me.This girl has serious problem with bonds bc she has problems with her parents an she thinks bc of that that bonding with people isnt very good idea an that i cant change that in her head(she said that when she broke up with me).She first told me that she doesnt love me anymore an that she wants to finish school an be alone,well i think she lies an just gave the stupid reason to leave me.So kevin what should i do an how should i act ?
Hello ,well let's get to the point .
Reason why she broke up with me is because I said some awful things to her an that changed her mind about everything including me an our relationship and that got her to lose attraction for me.She said to me on break up that she doesn't feel anything towards ,that it isn't about me but about her ,she also said that her opinion is that people shouldn't bond with each other and I can't change her mind ,an the last thing she said is that she wants to be alone an finish her school .My ex and I have mutual friend,that's why I know the real reason why she broke up with me.We will name our friend Bojana.
Well the thing is it has been 1 month an 7 days from break up and I didn't saw her from January 24 .I massaged her 2 times through February(on 10,28) i didn't got any response .First massage was about how I suggested to continue our relationship as friends and continue to hang out .She didn't reply.Second massage was about me telling her that something happened to me recently which reminded me of her (something funny which we 2 know),again no response.
Bojana and my ex gone out(2 weeks ago) and saw my best friend and when they saw him my ex was like :"Bojana are you serious ?" Bojana told her she has nothing to do with him an she didn't call him or something like that. Bojana said that he was passing just passing by and after that they just said hi when he passed by ,so I'm just confused why is she so upset that she doesn't even want to say hi to my best friend (Because if she doesn't want to say hi to him then I don't think she will like to speak with me right now ).
Bojana said to me that when they 2 speak my Ex says something about me an when Bojana wants to continue the story about me she says she doesn't want to speak about that and she changes subject to something else.She said that she didn't like how I changed during the relationship and how I was pathetic in the last months .
I've gone through your 5 step plan ,Relationship Rewind ,Ex solution program and Text your ex back .I learned what I have to learn ,I'm emotionally ready an my inner game is ready for contacting her an getting things done on right way.
The thing is my ex is 16 years old(I'm 17 btw) and I can't send her letter because of her current family issues(I was thinking about sending letter by Bojana but I don't know if that's good idea) ,and if I send her e-mail she won't get it because she doesn't go to her email box.I can send her massage by Tumblr(Social media where she spends time like people on Facebook )which is like e mail(But again I want to hear your opinion on all of this) .So I was thinking what's best way to contact her because of current situation and when should I contact her ? .Thanks :)
I wanted to ask you when should i contact her and whats the best way to get her to make the decision to contact me (because it seems to me that she is really stubborn and i just want to know what should i do(or together with my friend Bojana)to get her to think like that ?
Hey Marko,
I think you can send her a message through tumblr. Don't send her through Bojana. Also, I want you to consider the fact that she is young and girls her age are usually extremely confused about their emotions. It could be that she is still angry at you and doesn't give you any response. If she is not open for communication, then the only thing you can do is give her more time. I'll also recommend that you start dating other girls in case she doesn't reply.
Thanks Kevin I also reconsidered that but i also taught of idea maybe Bojana or my other friend Tamara who is also close to Her should tell her like:''You know Him as much as We do and i just want to tell you i think he is worth of a second chance becuase only person who I know and who wants to change and make things work is him''(BTW Tamara said that to me that she would like to say that and that got me to think so i wanted to ask you if this is good idea) I mean i have those 2 an i can really get them to help me so i can get throught to her.
Thanks ,Marko :) .
Thanks Kevin I also reconsidered that but i also taught of idea maybe Bojana or my other friend Tamara who is also close to Her should tell her like:''You know Him as much as We do and i just want to tell you i think he is worth of a second chance becuase only person who I know and who wants to change and make things work is him''(BTW Tamara said that to me that she would like to say that and that got me to think so i wanted to ask you if this is good idea) I mean i have those 2 an i can really get them to help me so i can get throught to her.
Thanks ,Marko :) .
Thanks Kevin I also reconsidered that but i also taught of idea maybe Bojana or my other friend Tamara who is also close to Her should tell her like:''You know Him as much as We do and i just want to tell you i think he is worth of a second chance becuase only person who I know and who wants to change and make things work is him''(BTW Tamara said that to me that she would like to say that and that got me to think so i wanted to ask you if this is good idea) I mean i have those 2 an i can really get them to help me so i can get throught to her.
Thanks ,Marko :) .
Thanks Kevin I also reconsidered that but i also taught of idea maybe Bojana or my other friend Tamara who is also close to Her should tell her like:''You know Him as much as We do and i just want to tell you i think he is worth of a second chance becuase only person who I know and who wants to change and make things work is him''(BTW Tamara said that to me that she would like to say that and that got me to think so i wanted to ask you if this is good idea) I mean i have those 2 an i can really get them to help me so i can get throught to her.
Thanks ,Marko :) .
Thanks Kevin I also reconsidered that but i also taught of idea maybe Bojana or my other friend Tamara who is also close to Her should tell her like:''You know Him as much as We do and i just want to tell you i think he is worth of a second chance becuase only person who I know and who wants to change and make things work is him''(BTW Tamara said that to me that she would like to say that and that got me to think so i wanted to ask you if this is good idea) I mean i have those 2 an i can really get them to help me so i can get throught to her.
Thanks ,Marko :) .
Hey Marko,
I think you can send her a message through tumblr. Don't send her through Bojana. Also, I want you to consider the fact that she is young and girls her age are usually extremely confused about their emotions. It could be that she is still angry at you and doesn't give you any response. If she is not open for communication, then the only thing you can do is give her more time. I'll also recommend that you start dating other girls in case she doesn't reply.
Hey Marko,
I think you can send her a message through tumblr. Don't send her through Bojana. Also, I want you to consider the fact that she is young and girls her age are usually extremely confused about their emotions. It could be that she is still angry at you and doesn't give you any response. If she is not open for communication, then the only thing you can do is give her more time. I'll also recommend that you start dating other girls in case she doesn't reply.
Hey Marko,
I think you can send her a message through tumblr. Don't send her through Bojana. Also, I want you to consider the fact that she is young and girls her age are usually extremely confused about their emotions. It could be that she is still angry at you and doesn't give you any response. If she is not open for communication, then the only thing you can do is give her more time. I'll also recommend that you start dating other girls in case she doesn't reply.
I wanted to ask you when should i contact her and whats the best way to get her to make the decision to contact me (because it seems to me that she is really stubborn and i just want to know what should i do(or together with my friend Bojana)to get her to think like that ?
I wanted to ask you when should i contact her and whats the best way to get her to make the decision to contact me (because it seems to me that she is really stubborn and i just want to know what should i do(or together with my friend Bojana)to get her to think like that ?
Hey kevin i just wanted to ask you when is the time to strike .Because her best freind an i are talking an thinking about all of this which happened an i want you to tell me if its alright to strike if she tells me shes ready to go out with me to talk about everything?
If she is contacting you, then yes, it's a right time to go out with her. Did you complete no contact? And don't talk to her about getting back together straight away. Take things slowly.
If she is contacting you, then yes, it's a right time to go out with her. Did you complete no contact? And don't talk to her about getting back together straight away. Take things slowly.
If she is contacting you, then yes, it's a right time to go out with her. Did you complete no contact? And don't talk to her about getting back together straight away. Take things slowly.
Hey, you already know what should you do. Follow no contact and give her some space and time to realize what she wants.
Ok,but after the no contact should i meet her ,after i see if shes feeling better an if shes ready to talk me because i talekd with her best friend and she told me that she will see how is she gonna feel throught this month an when should i act,so what do you think should i ask her for a walk(but not date,just simple face to face walk),i thought about giving her a present (a necklace with a little letter note in a box) which will remind her about our good time an the most important thing an thats the bond which we made together,because i think i should focus on that an open her eyes.I mean i wont ask her to be wtih me il put in the letter that i dont want to force her to be with but that i will accept whatever she decides.The purpouse of the present is realizing whats bond an how much did we admire it .I taught that i would win her heart again with that.
P.S
I just wanted to ask you if this is a good plan ,an what should i change.I just dont want to mess up things.
Thank kevin ,im grateful :)
Hey Marko,
I don't recommend giving an ex a present. The reason being it seems needy. Besides, it will seem like you are pushing her (by reminding her) to learn to have close bond with someone. And if you push her for the very thing she is afraid of, she might get scared of it and put her defenses up. I think you should just take things slowly because if she realizes you want her to come back and be close to you again, she will back off.
Ok Kevin ,i would just like to know how should I treat her after no contact period bc she will be normal after this period I know her ,i just want to know what's the best thing to do after that ,an what should I do to make her feel safe with me an how should I be attractive to her again .I want to make the plan so I won't screw up .Because I know what does she like an what has connected us .I can come up with another thing which will made her happy.I want to remind her of something which made her happy because i will make her attractive to me again, you said I should do that in step 4.So I'm just reconsidering what's the best plan to come up with .
Hey, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact, she'll automatically be attracted to you after no contact. You should just try to have fun with her, and take things slow.
Hey, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact, she'll automatically be attracted to you after no contact. You should just try to have fun with her, and take things slow.
Hey, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact, she'll automatically be attracted to you after no contact. You should just try to have fun with her, and take things slow.
Hey, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact, she'll automatically be attracted to you after no contact. You should just try to have fun with her, and take things slow.
Hey, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact, she'll automatically be attracted to you after no contact. You should just try to have fun with her, and take things slow.
Hey, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact, she'll automatically be attracted to you after no contact. You should just try to have fun with her, and take things slow.
Ok Kevin ,i would just like to know how should I treat her after no contact period bc she will be normal after this period I know her ,i just want to know what's the best thing to do after that ,an what should I do to make her feel safe with me an how should I be attractive to her again .I want to make the plan so I won't screw up .Because I know what does she like an what has connected us .I can come up with another thing which will made her happy.I want to remind her of something which made her happy because i will make her attractive to me again, you said I should do that in step 4.So I'm just reconsidering what's the best plan to come up with .
Ok Kevin ,i would just like to know how should I treat her after no contact period bc she will be normal after this period I know her ,i just want to know what's the best thing to do after that ,an what should I do to make her feel safe with me an how should I be attractive to her again .I want to make the plan so I won't screw up .Because I know what does she like an what has connected us .I can come up with another thing which will made her happy.I want to remind her of something which made her happy because i will make her attractive to me again, you said I should do that in step 4.So I'm just reconsidering what's the best plan to come up with .
Ok Kevin ,i would just like to know how should I treat her after no contact period bc she will be normal after this period I know her ,i just want to know what's the best thing to do after that ,an what should I do to make her feel safe with me an how should I be attractive to her again .I want to make the plan so I won't screw up .Because I know what does she like an what has connected us .I can come up with another thing which will made her happy.I want to remind her of something which made her happy because i will make her attractive to me again, you said I should do that in step 4.So I'm just reconsidering what's the best plan to come up with .
Ok Kevin ,i would just like to know how should I treat her after no contact period bc she will be normal after this period I know her ,i just want to know what's the best thing to do after that ,an what should I do to make her feel safe with me an how should I be attractive to her again .I want to make the plan so I won't screw up .Because I know what does she like an what has connected us .I can come up with another thing which will made her happy.I want to remind her of something which made her happy because i will make her attractive to me again, you said I should do that in step 4.So I'm just reconsidering what's the best plan to come up with .
Hey Marko,
I don't recommend giving an ex a present. The reason being it seems needy. Besides, it will seem like you are pushing her (by reminding her) to learn to have close bond with someone. And if you push her for the very thing she is afraid of, she might get scared of it and put her defenses up. I think you should just take things slowly because if she realizes you want her to come back and be close to you again, she will back off.
Hey Marko,
I don't recommend giving an ex a present. The reason being it seems needy. Besides, it will seem like you are pushing her (by reminding her) to learn to have close bond with someone. And if you push her for the very thing she is afraid of, she might get scared of it and put her defenses up. I think you should just take things slowly because if she realizes you want her to come back and be close to you again, she will back off.
Hey Marko,
I don't recommend giving an ex a present. The reason being it seems needy. Besides, it will seem like you are pushing her (by reminding her) to learn to have close bond with someone. And if you push her for the very thing she is afraid of, she might get scared of it and put her defenses up. I think you should just take things slowly because if she realizes you want her to come back and be close to you again, she will back off.
Ok,but after the no contact should i meet her ,after i see if shes feeling better an if shes ready to talk me because i talekd with her best friend and she told me that she will see how is she gonna feel throught this month an when should i act,so what do you think should i ask her for a walk(but not date,just simple face to face walk),i thought about giving her a present (a necklace with a little letter note in a box) which will remind her about our good time an the most important thing an thats the bond which we made together,because i think i should focus on that an open her eyes.I mean i wont ask her to be wtih me il put in the letter that i dont want to force her to be with but that i will accept whatever she decides.The purpouse of the present is realizing whats bond an how much did we admire it .I taught that i would win her heart again with that.
P.S
I just wanted to ask you if this is a good plan ,an what should i change.I just dont want to mess up things.
Thank kevin ,im grateful :)
Ok,but after the no contact should i meet her ,after i see if shes feeling better an if shes ready to talk me because i talekd with her best friend and she told me that she will see how is she gonna feel throught this month an when should i act,so what do you think should i ask her for a walk(but not date,just simple face to face walk),i thought about giving her a present (a necklace with a little letter note in a box) which will remind her about our good time an the most important thing an thats the bond which we made together,because i think i should focus on that an open her eyes.I mean i wont ask her to be wtih me il put in the letter that i dont want to force her to be with but that i will accept whatever she decides.The purpouse of the present is realizing whats bond an how much did we admire it .I taught that i would win her heart again with that.
P.S
I just wanted to ask you if this is a good plan ,an what should i change.I just dont want to mess up things.
Thank kevin ,im grateful :)
Hello ,well let's get to the point .
Reason why she broke up with me is because I said some awful things to her an that changed her mind about everything including me an our relationship and that got her to lose attraction for me.She said to me on break up that she doesn't feel anything towards ,that it isn't about me but about her ,she also said that her opinion is that people shouldn't bond with each other and I can't change her mind ,an the last thing she said is that she wants to be alone an finish her school .My ex and I have mutual friend,that's why I know the real reason why she broke up with me.We will name our friend Bojana.
Well the thing is it has been 1 month an 7 days from break up and I didn't saw her from January 24 .I massaged her 2 times through February(on 10,28) i didn't got any response .First massage was about how I suggested to continue our relationship as friends and continue to hang out .She didn't reply.Second massage was about me telling her that something happened to me recently which reminded me of her (something funny which we 2 know),again no response.
Bojana and my ex gone out(2 weeks ago) and saw my best friend and when they saw him my ex was like :"Bojana are you serious ?" Bojana told her she has nothing to do with him an she didn't call him or something like that. Bojana said that he was passing just passing by and after that they just said hi when he passed by ,so I'm just confused why is she so upset that she doesn't even want to say hi to my best friend (Because if she doesn't want to say hi to him then I don't think she will like to speak with me right now ).
Bojana said to me that when they 2 speak my Ex says something about me an when Bojana wants to continue the story about me she says she doesn't want to speak about that and she changes subject to something else.She said that she didn't like how I changed during the relationship and how I was pathetic in the last months .
I've gone through your 5 step plan ,Relationship Rewind ,Ex solution program and Text your ex back .I learned what I have to learn ,I'm emotionally ready an my inner game is ready for contacting her an getting things done on right way.
The thing is my ex is 16 years old(I'm 17 btw) and I can't send her letter because of her current family issues(I was thinking about sending letter by Bojana but I don't know if that's good idea) ,and if I send her e-mail she won't get it because she doesn't go to her email box.I can send her massage by Tumblr(Social media where she spends time like people on Facebook )which is like e mail(But again I want to hear your opinion on all of this) .So I was thinking what's best way to contact her because of current situation and when should I contact her ? .Thanks :)
Hey kevin i just wanted to ask you when is the time to strike .Because her best freind an i are talking an thinking about all of this which happened an i want you to tell me if its alright to strike if she tells me shes ready to go out with me to talk about everything?
Hey, you already know what should you do. Follow no contact and give her some space and time to realize what she wants.
Me and my ex were together for 9 months and friends for 6 months prior. We were deeply in love and still love eachother, she broke up 3 weeks ago. She sent some nasty texts after i contacted her a week ago. She finally revealed that she thought I treated her badly for the whole relationship.
She said she didn't want me to contact her for 6 months, and I said that as much as I wanted to contact her, I would restrain myself and wait. She has not initiated contact with me since the breakup.
How does this affect the no-contact rule? I imagine I'd have to wait longer than 6 months to make it seem like I'm not needy and don't want to contact her, rather than it seem like I had waited out the 6 months to contact her.
When should I contact her again?
Around 7-8 months. But you should really start dating and learn to be happy without her. It's just been 3 weeks now. Your perspective will change a lot in these 7-8 months.
I've already started moving on - but 7-8 months seems to me like that would completley allow her to forget me and find another partner. Heck, I probably will too by then.
She said she still loved me on the phone when I contacted her (she seemed emotional and confused). Could I just wait the 30 days, give it a go and then just forget it if she refused to meet up?
I like the idea of contacting her after 30 days. She will probably be in a much better place emotionally in 30 days. So yeah, it might work.
I like the idea of contacting her after 30 days. She will probably be in a much better place emotionally in 30 days. So yeah, it might work.
I like the idea of contacting her after 30 days. She will probably be in a much better place emotionally in 30 days. So yeah, it might work.
I like the idea of contacting her after 30 days. She will probably be in a much better place emotionally in 30 days. So yeah, it might work.
I've already started moving on - but 7-8 months seems to me like that would completley allow her to forget me and find another partner. Heck, I probably will too by then.
She said she still loved me on the phone when I contacted her (she seemed emotional and confused). Could I just wait the 30 days, give it a go and then just forget it if she refused to meet up?
I've already started moving on - but 7-8 months seems to me like that would completley allow her to forget me and find another partner. Heck, I probably will too by then.
She said she still loved me on the phone when I contacted her (she seemed emotional and confused). Could I just wait the 30 days, give it a go and then just forget it if she refused to meet up?
Around 7-8 months. But you should really start dating and learn to be happy without her. It's just been 3 weeks now. Your perspective will change a lot in these 7-8 months.
Hey kev, I just broke up with my girlfriend. Actually she's the one who started. According to her, I dont do fun thing with he. She's currently seeing this guy who leaves miles away from town. We are still friends. We talk, but I want her back. The time i saw her, she cried. She said she still love me but not inlove. How can I get her back plz
Apply no contact for a while.
Hey kev, what if she move on during the nocontact periode. I'm scared to lose her
Hey Paul,
That's a risk, but a very small one. In most cases, no contact makes your ex miss you more. On the other end, if you keep on contacting her, she is going to think of you as a needy person and will keep on pulling away. So, no contact is a much better option.
Ok, thank you so much man.
I'll be back in 4 weeks to get some tips on how to reconnect and retart fresh. Hopefully you'll still be here to help.
Thanks again.
I'll be here. All the best.
I'll be here. All the best.
I'll be here. All the best.
I'll be here. All the best.
I'll be here. All the best.
I'll be here. All the best.
Ok, thank you so much man.
I'll be back in 4 weeks to get some tips on how to reconnect and retart fresh. Hopefully you'll still be here to help.
Thanks again.
Ok, thank you so much man.
I'll be back in 4 weeks to get some tips on how to reconnect and retart fresh. Hopefully you'll still be here to help.
Thanks again.
Ok, thank you so much man.
I'll be back in 4 weeks to get some tips on how to reconnect and retart fresh. Hopefully you'll still be here to help.
Thanks again.
Ok, thank you so much man.
I'll be back in 4 weeks to get some tips on how to reconnect and retart fresh. Hopefully you'll still be here to help.
Thanks again.
Hey Paul,
That's a risk, but a very small one. In most cases, no contact makes your ex miss you more. On the other end, if you keep on contacting her, she is going to think of you as a needy person and will keep on pulling away. So, no contact is a much better option.
Hey Paul,
That's a risk, but a very small one. In most cases, no contact makes your ex miss you more. On the other end, if you keep on contacting her, she is going to think of you as a needy person and will keep on pulling away. So, no contact is a much better option.
Hey Paul,
That's a risk, but a very small one. In most cases, no contact makes your ex miss you more. On the other end, if you keep on contacting her, she is going to think of you as a needy person and will keep on pulling away. So, no contact is a much better option.
Hey kev, what if she move on during the nocontact periode. I'm scared to lose her
Hey kev, what if she move on during the nocontact periode. I'm scared to lose her
Apply no contact for a while.
Hey.. My situation is me and my boyfriend were dating for 3 years. Prematurely I did some cheating. I didn't tell him about it until a year later. He's now holding this against me, he says he can't trust me. After we've Broken up time after time, we've tried to make it work just as much. It just seems that we can't see eye to eye, though I love him very much. As we were trying to make it work though he began talking to another girl, he liked her, and he continued talking to her for a while! So 2 months ago we had a serious argument and we broke up, we didn't talk for a month(the longest we've ever went.) Now he's made that same girl his girlfriend. Me and him are still talking but he tells me he's happy with her. He definitely Spends more time with me than her though. He says he just can't trust me. How can I win him over? I miss him soooooo much!
You need to stay away from him for a while. If you stay in contact with him, he'll feel like that he has you and his new girlfriend both. Unless you stop contact with him, he won't realize that he can lose you forever.
You need to stay away from him for a while. If you stay in contact with him, he'll feel like that he has you and his new girlfriend both. Unless you stop contact with him, he won't realize that he can lose you forever.
Hi Kevin!
Im here asking because i really want my ex back. It all ended when i admitted cheating and she threw me out.. about 1½ months ago. After that I was devastated, crying, texting like a maniac that i love her etc. Eventually after like 2 weeks i went back to her place to pick my shit up and we ended up talking about what happend for like 4-5 hours (her decision not mine) she texted me after that saying that she felt better but also worse.. She got angery with me on my bday because i didnt ask her to spend it just with her, but she called my (quite drunk) the same night and told me to come to her place. Time moved on and I went back to her place and stayed there for a couple of nights... we had sex and everything felt just as normal it could be regarding to the situation. I left her again and returned 2 days after to sleep over again.. But this time she was texting and chatting like crazy trying to hide shit from me. I know it was atleast 1 guy.
I went to work the day after and this is when she started acting really cold for days.. I went kinda into a depression and went out almost everyday with my friends drinking, and she saw this on facebook due to pictures, especially one day when i posted a pic the day after she posted a pic with her looking really cold and angry with a cap saying ai nt no wife y and hashtags with yolo, new time new struggle etc. I confronted her about the other guy and she said its nothing. 2 days after the confrontation she posted another pic on facebook in some guys apartment looking all sexy infront of a mirror (fully dressed though, outdoorsy clothes). I panicked and called her asking her wtf? She said dont asume things and we kinda talked about how i ruined everything i need to let her be by herself and let her talk to whomever she wants. I accepted that and told her i wont call about stuff like that again.
Same afternoon i went to her place again to pick up shit i got there. I acted calm and normal but formal. she was all jumpy and talkative, explaining what shes been up to all week and all about this guy. Then we ended up cuddling for 2 hours.. This wall on her initiation. Well the day after this i talked to a friend about cutting her off from facebook and he kinda agreed but i didnt wanna do it, i showed him the remove friend icon and he stole my phone and removed her. a few seconds after that i got a text saying wtf is ur problem, u removed me? I was drunk and started saying alot of shit like yeah its hard o see u being everywhere and fucking stalked her all night in desperation.
Well the next morning we had a talk and i explained the situation and she said ok i understand and told me to not call her anymore because she is getting irritated with me. i sent 2 texts the following days and applied NC after that... I failed day 3 of NC and called her asking 1st i need the last of my stuff. After talking to her i became overwhelmed with the emotion of wanting to know the states of affairs so i called a 2nd time asking if she knows what she wants to do, try to work it out or not? She got mad as hell, blaiming me for the break up, I need to man up and get a grip of myself.
Im 30 years old and been single all of my life i.e im a loser in her eyes and all I want is to get back to her because i got anxiety issues over failing things. I said its not true I love her and want to be with her, the response was that i should have thought about that the night I cheated. She also thinks im a complaining loser because i write facebook updates pushing myself to get better, e strong but also a bit sad ones. Well we ended the call with me saying I wont contact her again, ever and i said if she doesnt contact me its good bye and thanks for the time more or less. She laughed and said like heard that before. The problem now is with the clothes... Wtf am i gonna do? Stay on NC and let them be there?
Also she is saying that she wants me and she likes me but she cant respect me hence not being able to be with me again. She just doesnt trust my intention of getting back is real.
Now she is partying alot with guys and exes and stuff.
We are not facebook friends anymore but we have common friends so we can see each other and our profiles arent locked... Fucking facebook.
We are now 1½ month into this and last call was yesterday.
What do I do?
OK, first order of business is to make her respect you. And no contact is the best way to do that. She thinks you can't live without calling her. And if you don't call her for 45 days, she'll start wondering what's up with you. I assume you've already apologized for your cheating and it was genuinely a drunk mistake, so don't apologize again. And don't feel bad for yourself. Follow the plan, it'll work great for you. But in your case, I'll recommend No Contact to be around 45 days.
the thing is that we were only together for 8 months.. but i see serious potential in this and i know she does too.. is there even a slim chance for us?
Yes there is. Do what I said and you'll increase your chances by tenfold.
I think she is in a rebound now or something.. She is acting all ignorant, avoiding Facebook and removing updates saying she wants to go out and party.
The Guy i suspect looks like me and everything.
Its like total ignorance from her part.
Do I stick with the plan or? Feels like im really losing her now.
Hey,
I know it's really hard to not think about it, but try to understand that if you contact her right now, you are only going to look needy and kind of creepy. It's a risk, but yes stick to the plan.
Hey,
I know it's really hard to not think about it, but try to understand that if you contact her right now, you are only going to look needy and kind of creepy. It's a risk, but yes stick to the plan.
Hey,
I know it's really hard to not think about it, but try to understand that if you contact her right now, you are only going to look needy and kind of creepy. It's a risk, but yes stick to the plan.
Hey,
I know it's really hard to not think about it, but try to understand that if you contact her right now, you are only going to look needy and kind of creepy. It's a risk, but yes stick to the plan.
Hey,
I know it's really hard to not think about it, but try to understand that if you contact her right now, you are only going to look needy and kind of creepy. It's a risk, but yes stick to the plan.
Hey,
I know it's really hard to not think about it, but try to understand that if you contact her right now, you are only going to look needy and kind of creepy. It's a risk, but yes stick to the plan.
I think she is in a rebound now or something.. She is acting all ignorant, avoiding Facebook and removing updates saying she wants to go out and party.
The Guy i suspect looks like me and everything.
Its like total ignorance from her part.
Do I stick with the plan or? Feels like im really losing her now.
I think she is in a rebound now or something.. She is acting all ignorant, avoiding Facebook and removing updates saying she wants to go out and party.
The Guy i suspect looks like me and everything.
Its like total ignorance from her part.
Do I stick with the plan or? Feels like im really losing her now.
I think she is in a rebound now or something.. She is acting all ignorant, avoiding Facebook and removing updates saying she wants to go out and party.
The Guy i suspect looks like me and everything.
Its like total ignorance from her part.
Do I stick with the plan or? Feels like im really losing her now.
I think she is in a rebound now or something.. She is acting all ignorant, avoiding Facebook and removing updates saying she wants to go out and party.
The Guy i suspect looks like me and everything.
Its like total ignorance from her part.
Do I stick with the plan or? Feels like im really losing her now.
Yes there is. Do what I said and you'll increase your chances by tenfold.
Yes there is. Do what I said and you'll increase your chances by tenfold.
Yes there is. Do what I said and you'll increase your chances by tenfold.
the thing is that we were only together for 8 months.. but i see serious potential in this and i know she does too.. is there even a slim chance for us?
the thing is that we were only together for 8 months.. but i see serious potential in this and i know she does too.. is there even a slim chance for us?
OK, first order of business is to make her respect you. And no contact is the best way to do that. She thinks you can't live without calling her. And if you don't call her for 45 days, she'll start wondering what's up with you. I assume you've already apologized for your cheating and it was genuinely a drunk mistake, so don't apologize again. And don't feel bad for yourself. Follow the plan, it'll work great for you. But in your case, I'll recommend No Contact to be around 45 days.
Addition.
The morning i left for work i didnt her from her until sunday afternoon around 17pm. She said shed been out all night coming home 8 in the morning. Her phone was dead etc. But she was active on facebook because a friend of her was worried (me too) that something had happend and made and update saying "where are u, call me" she answered about 3pm that she is alive... also her friend nr2 wrote REALLY!!!?? to the update.. But she didnt answer when i called. Her friend2 is a friend of the guy texting her. Apparently she met up with them at the same place she met the guy who was texting that night. I dont know if he was with them at that night but it sure sounds plausible.. And this coincides with the start of the cold behaviour.
Oh yeah i cheated while pissed off drunk and a bit cocaine.
Hi Kevin, My bf and I broke up about a month ago after being together for 5 years. Reasons were because we kept quarreling over him hanging out with his friends and forgetting about our dates and that he said we just can't seem to communicate on the same level anymore. He said his feelings faded awhile ago but he thought he could work things out alone and never once tried talking to me about it to work things out. We have gotten a flat and have intentions of getting married and now this happens. Friends and family told me the fact that we are at the stage of spending our lives together and he can still insist on a breakup means his decision was not impulsive and it was something that he must have thought for long and hard. And I don't even know is there another girl because he have been confiding our stuff to her instead of me.
I know I was too controlling in the past and I have taken measures on how I can change to be a better person after the break up. But when we met up with common friends last week (day 14 of NC), his eyes were so cold towards me and he gave me the "fake" smile each time I talked to him (although I tried acting as friends). While I can continue to apply NC, a part of me feels the only reason he would contact me is to dissolve the asset between us. What should I do?
His time after office hours before we broke up was to hang out with me, with friends and for computer games. Now it's just with friends and computer games and he told me he's rather enjoying singlehood because he don't need to report to anyone on what he's doing and where he's going etc. Sighs. Will he even reached the Missing Me Badly phase of the healing period? He even kept all our momentos within a week after the breakup, he knows what went wrong where but he just said let's just learn not to do that in our next relationship and that we need to move on. What should I do here again? :(
Hey Tan,
What your friends and family told you makes sense. I'll suggest you increase the no contact to 45 days or 60 days, and then follow the plan. Try to get him back just once and if it doesn't work, move on. I know 5 years is a long time to just leave behind, but it's better than spending the next 2 years obsessing on getting him back.
It pains me to leave behind 5 years of memories. I really thought he was the guy for me when we shared similar goals on how we want to shape our future and lives together. That's why it came to me as a shock when he told me his feelings were no longer the same for me. I know I have to accept the demise of my old relationship before I can start a new one with him but there is just the house that we bought but not yet ready for collection. It will only be ready in 2 years time which was our intention to get married then as well. But now that the relationship is over, I'm afraid he would contact me during the NC period to dissolve the asset and this is what I don't want at all because the NC period was part of the plan to get him back and now before I even tried, there's no chance already. Besides, even if we have to dissolve the asset, I want to be the initiator since that would also tell him that I accept the breakup and hopefully let him miss me. But a part of him is afraid he would agree so he can now truly move on to a new relationship with a clean slate. What should I do?
Just tell him that you need space and time and you'd appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for one month. Better yet, tell him that you'd call him after a month or two.
Just tell him that you need space and time and you'd appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for one month. Better yet, tell him that you'd call him after a month or two.
Just tell him that you need space and time and you'd appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for one month. Better yet, tell him that you'd call him after a month or two.
Just tell him that you need space and time and you'd appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for one month. Better yet, tell him that you'd call him after a month or two.
It pains me to leave behind 5 years of memories. I really thought he was the guy for me when we shared similar goals on how we want to shape our future and lives together. That's why it came to me as a shock when he told me his feelings were no longer the same for me. I know I have to accept the demise of my old relationship before I can start a new one with him but there is just the house that we bought but not yet ready for collection. It will only be ready in 2 years time which was our intention to get married then as well. But now that the relationship is over, I'm afraid he would contact me during the NC period to dissolve the asset and this is what I don't want at all because the NC period was part of the plan to get him back and now before I even tried, there's no chance already. Besides, even if we have to dissolve the asset, I want to be the initiator since that would also tell him that I accept the breakup and hopefully let him miss me. But a part of him is afraid he would agree so he can now truly move on to a new relationship with a clean slate. What should I do?
It pains me to leave behind 5 years of memories. I really thought he was the guy for me when we shared similar goals on how we want to shape our future and lives together. That's why it came to me as a shock when he told me his feelings were no longer the same for me. I know I have to accept the demise of my old relationship before I can start a new one with him but there is just the house that we bought but not yet ready for collection. It will only be ready in 2 years time which was our intention to get married then as well. But now that the relationship is over, I'm afraid he would contact me during the NC period to dissolve the asset and this is what I don't want at all because the NC period was part of the plan to get him back and now before I even tried, there's no chance already. Besides, even if we have to dissolve the asset, I want to be the initiator since that would also tell him that I accept the breakup and hopefully let him miss me. But a part of him is afraid he would agree so he can now truly move on to a new relationship with a clean slate. What should I do?
Hey Tan,
What your friends and family told you makes sense. I'll suggest you increase the no contact to 45 days or 60 days, and then follow the plan. Try to get him back just once and if it doesn't work, move on. I know 5 years is a long time to just leave behind, but it's better than spending the next 2 years obsessing on getting him back.
Hey,
My ex and I have been friends for 4 years, she's chased after me for the entire time. My ex and I have been split up for nearly a week. We were together for 5 months. In that time I came to love her very much and she felt the same way. We planned to get married but a 5 days ago I messed up and hurt her feelings very bad. She said that she could never forgive me for saying what i said, but what I said I meant differently than she took it. I said I was very sorry and chose my words poorly, she said leave her alone and I couldnt do that, I can never leave her alone after I hurt her, bcuz I never hurt her intentionally, always by accident, by saying the wrong things. I felt like I had to make her understand that I didnt mean it like she took it. But the next day she said we were over and she's moving on. I did exactly what you said not to do, I txt her and called her alot trying to get her to take me back. She went back to one of her ex 2 days ago. I asked her for the truth about why she ended it and she said that I was too clingy (true i cant help it) and too obsessive. That she didnt have the feelings that she once had for me. She said she felt like I was pushing her into marriage. I did ask her to marry me yes, but she said yes and started to plan it, she also started to ask people to be in it, which led me to believe that she wanted it too. I love her very much and would do anything humanly possible to make her happy. Recently I could feel her slowly slipping away, but sometimes I could feel her come back. She said she was tired of trying to make herself love me again. That she felt it sometimes but mostly no. This is the one person on the planet that I would take a bullet for, a thousand bullets, with no regrets, only to see her safe. I love her with all of my heart, I cant even imagine my life without her, no without her I dont have a life. Can you help me get her back, even tho she's with an ex and "moving on"? She does still answer my txts.
Hey Ricky,
You need to apply the no contact rule. And you really have to make some positive changes in yourself before contacting her again. And you can help the fact that you are clingy and obsessive. It's unattractive and if your attitude towards her is the same after no contact, she'll again pull away. Work on your issues, go to a therapist, start meditation, start working out, date a couple of girls, get laid. You need to change your perspective on life and your ex before contacting her again.
Hey Ricky,
You need to apply the no contact rule. And you really have to make some positive changes in yourself before contacting her again. And you can help the fact that you are clingy and obsessive. It's unattractive and if your attitude towards her is the same after no contact, she'll again pull away. Work on your issues, go to a therapist, start meditation, start working out, date a couple of girls, get laid. You need to change your perspective on life and your ex before contacting her again.
Hi Kevin
my situation is definitely not as serious but different. I had only been seeing this guy for a few weeks. Everything was going great and he wanted to see me all the time... problem was he works 6 days a week. ... so on more than one occasion he ended up calling me to cancel because he was too tired or had to work late. . But he'd call regularly to tell me how much he wanted to continue seeing me and really liked the time we had been spending together. After a few weeks he called me out of the blue to say he didn't have time for a relationship and didn't think we should continue. I think we can have something great and would like to give it another chance because I feel like it was over beforeit really began... when we had the break up conversation he was still telling me he liked me... but didn't have the time to put me first...I feel we could make it work
Hey Mira,
Apply no contact for a while. Then contact him using one of the methods above. You can get back together but only if he's willing to put in the effort. And the only reason he'll put in the effort if he thinks you are worth the effort. And if you give him to miss you and make positive changes in your life (according to the plan), he'll definitely think you are worth the effort.
Im pretty sure now that the main reason he ended it was because his ex contacted him and brought up old feelings. Im not sure if they're still in contact or back together or what.... will following the plan still be beneficial and do I still have a chance to get him back?
Hey Mira,
Yes, the plan will still be beneficial and you have a chance to get him back. However, a person who can be influenced by an ex so much can never really be a loyal long term boyfriend. If his ex can control him so much, you can never have a good relationship with him. Think about it hard before getting back with him.
Hey Mira,
Yes, the plan will still be beneficial and you have a chance to get him back. However, a person who can be influenced by an ex so much can never really be a loyal long term boyfriend. If his ex can control him so much, you can never have a good relationship with him. Think about it hard before getting back with him.
Hey Mira,
Yes, the plan will still be beneficial and you have a chance to get him back. However, a person who can be influenced by an ex so much can never really be a loyal long term boyfriend. If his ex can control him so much, you can never have a good relationship with him. Think about it hard before getting back with him.
Hey Mira,
Yes, the plan will still be beneficial and you have a chance to get him back. However, a person who can be influenced by an ex so much can never really be a loyal long term boyfriend. If his ex can control him so much, you can never have a good relationship with him. Think about it hard before getting back with him.
Im pretty sure now that the main reason he ended it was because his ex contacted him and brought up old feelings. Im not sure if they're still in contact or back together or what.... will following the plan still be beneficial and do I still have a chance to get him back?
Im pretty sure now that the main reason he ended it was because his ex contacted him and brought up old feelings. Im not sure if they're still in contact or back together or what.... will following the plan still be beneficial and do I still have a chance to get him back?
Hey Mira,
Apply no contact for a while. Then contact him using one of the methods above. You can get back together but only if he's willing to put in the effort. And the only reason he'll put in the effort if he thinks you are worth the effort. And if you give him to miss you and make positive changes in your life (according to the plan), he'll definitely think you are worth the effort.
Me and my girlfriend started a 'break' early jan after being happy together for 4 months. I'd never taken a break before and was stupidly still contacting her, to which i was getting responses that i could tell i was annoying her. She apologised for being blunt with her responses after a brief argument. I've slowly since then thinned out the contact and only 4 days or so in to no contact now. I noticed she's started removing any evidence of our relationship from facebook now too. Advice please...
Ask her if it's a break or a breakup. Make it clear what she is expecting of you. If it's just a break, ask her how long is it and both of you should start contact. IF it's a breakup, follow the plan.
Ask her if it's a break or a breakup. Make it clear what she is expecting of you. If it's just a break, ask her how long is it and both of you should start contact. IF it's a breakup, follow the plan.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my girl friend broke up a week ago and we was very close and went down hill very quick, she said she has lost feelings for me and it is completely over because I was clingy and soppy and younger than her, she sent me a massive text saying everything I did wrong and I text back accepting her decision and what I did wrong and we haven't spoke since, she is going away to New York for a week and I'm not planning on contacting her till she comes back because then I have a reason to talk but asking her how it went and how a lot in my life has changed, would all the steps still help with this? Thanks
Yes, the steps will help. All the best!
Yes, the steps will help. All the best!
Please answer my comment until sunday please :D my girlfriend break up with me on monday then i respected her and talked with her last time and said lets give eachother some time and talk face to face on next monday and if we dont feel same feelings like in the past we go our own ways..i was like a gentle no begging no crying and this attitude shocked her and she said me i was expecting angry attitude from you..but i paid a little more attentin before break up this was my mistake..reason is so open i m a very good guy on her eyes and talked with her in last one month about my money and life problems i was not the guy who decides about his life confidently and showed her a unconfident unpowerful man and lost shine in her eyes..we were together in over 5 years and we were very happy i was also in erasmus we could not contact very good and we could not meet for 5 months..we will meet first time after 5 montsh and i will be very confident powerful good enjoyable i will look like a man who can be happy without her..at this situoatin please show me a road..i will accept if she still wants to break up with on this meeting but she will be shocked when she saw me like that confident and powerful..
Hey,
Go ahead and meet her and hopefully she'll see the confidence and want to give it another try. Just stay calm when you meet her and don't try to push her.
Thanks Kevin
I read your message and motivated i will be at my best..i will not talk about problems i will talk about this week witouth her talk about passions, play some funny games observe her reaction..what is the best signal that she start to change me in her mind at this meeting..i think i m at better position then the other situations, right ?
Thanks Kevin
I read your message and motivated i will be at my best..i will not talk about problems i will talk about this week witouth her talk about passions, play some funny games observe her reaction..what is the best signal that she start to change me in her mind at this meeting..i think i m at better position then the other situations, right ?
Thanks Kevin
I read your message and motivated i will be at my best..i will not talk about problems i will talk about this week witouth her talk about passions, play some funny games observe her reaction..what is the best signal that she start to change me in her mind at this meeting..i think i m at better position then the other situations, right ?
Hey,
Go ahead and meet her and hopefully she'll see the confidence and want to give it another try. Just stay calm when you meet her and don't try to push her.
My problem is complicated, i have been on off wuth a guy for4 yrs, he has been seeing me and unknowingly at the time seeing and living with his other gf, we live 40 miles apart, they split when i found out about her and told her he had been seeing me too. He stopped calling me. Then last Feb he called me after 6 months of no contact, ( but only 2 months after i had last sent him a message. Hecontacted me out of the blue, wanting to facetime, i agreed, he contacted me every morning and night for 4 days then said he had big news he was back with his ex and she was pregnant!i was devastated, why did he keep contacting me? We then met and saw each other to say goodbye, but he kept in touch and saw me throughout pregnancy. She had the baby in september only one week before the baby was due heasked to see me I said i cldnt, i ended it by telling her but they sre still together he contact me after i told her asking why i told her, i said i cldnt bear it that he was messing me around, i love him and yes Im obsessed by him. i sent him a farewell text dmas eve saying it is timeto let him go. i miss him but i havent contacted him for 6/7 wks. will theno contqct rule work am i mad for even wanting it to? I am so sad and down, i have children from my previous long marriage . i do not love my exhusbane but my heart is broken for my ex boyfriend. I sm busy at work, busy with the gym, friends, my children, i know you will think im crazy for wanting him back.
Hey Jessica,
I think you need to stay no contact for a little while longer. Not only to make him miss you but also for your obsession about him to stop. It seems that deep inside you know that he is not good for your life and he'll only bring more pain. I think you should not decide to get back with him unless you learn to be happy in your life without him.
Hey Jessica,
I think you need to stay no contact for a little while longer. Not only to make him miss you but also for your obsession about him to stop. It seems that deep inside you know that he is not good for your life and he'll only bring more pain. I think you should not decide to get back with him unless you learn to be happy in your life without him.
i've been in a relationship with a guy for a year and he find out that i was cheating... I love him, and he gave me a chance but it NEVER felt the same again.. we c0ntinued 4 like 2 m0nths, and then he finally decided to leave me right befor he was leaving for an0ther country for studies, he said he cnt do it anymore.. i begged him for us to still continue and that i would change bt he didnt accept it.
3 months after the break up, he started contacting me throuqh fb telling me that he was happy with his new gurl (his classmate) and everythng i was sad to hear that honestly but i tried to keep a good face on ths even when it hurts.. He arrives back at christmas last year, and seeing him still gives me butterflies, we frequently txt and talk on da phone.. untill one evenning i text him and told him that i still love him, then i realize that he started avoidng me now.. i feel so so ashamed of myself n0w.. what should i do?
You shouldn't tell him that you love him unless you signs from him that he is interested in you. Start no contact for a while and then contact him again.
You shouldn't tell him that you love him unless you signs from him that he is interested in you. Start no contact for a while and then contact him again.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the article :) it helps a bit! just a quick question... how do i do the no contact rule if we work together? is it at all possible? today is the month since the break up and outside of work i didn't contact him even once... in april i will have a month long holidays, that might be applicable then i hope :) but what to do before then? thanks!
Only talk to them if it's related to work. Don't have any personal conversation with them.
Only talk to them if it's related to work. Don't have any personal conversation with them.
i had a 2 year relationship with my ex boyfriend.he is 19 and i am 23.we had a great time together but we ended up in bad break up.i still love him and can do anything to win him back.but the problem is now he is in a new relationship after our break up (after 1 month). she does not look rebound to me and my ex literally told me he really loves her and want to spend his life with her.but i also know that my ex still cares and loves me somewhere in his heart.i really want him back but he said he don't want to get back together.i don't know what to do.i tried to move on but i can't.his mom really likes me and calls me often and ask me to visit her and i do so.i know he still cares for me its just the relationship that didn't go well.i did no contact rule for 1 month but within that one month he found that girl.i want him back but don't know how?
Start sending him text messages and then ask him out. If he agrees to come meet you, and if you've made positive changes in your life until now, then hopefully, he'll start thinking about getting back together. If he doesn't then continue building attraction with him and then ask him if he wants to get back together. If he agrees, great, if not, move on.
Start sending him text messages and then ask him out. If he agrees to come meet you, and if you've made positive changes in your life until now, then hopefully, he'll start thinking about getting back together. If he doesn't then continue building attraction with him and then ask him if he wants to get back together. If he agrees, great, if not, move on.
hi kevin
i need your advise . I started going out with someone just after xmas , after id split with my husband ( no way back there, don't fancy him or in love ) . the guy I met has split with his wife 9 months ago and has 3 children ( no way back there either ) . the new guy suffers from depression due to his previous relationship. she wasn't very nice to him , putting him down etc, and arguing in front of the children , so they split . so he met me , ive met his kids, his family , everything in the last 5 weeks. and we get on perfectly when we are in each others company . there is a spark for us both in every way and there are no problems with regards us . however with him having to travel long distances to work, not being near his kids, and trying to hold down a new job and sort a new home near his children has taken its toll on him and hes hit a brick wall again and feels like a failure, thus hes now finished it with me , because he feels he cannot give me the attention a partner should, and feels hes spreading hi self too thinly. but he wants to remain friends and wants contact . hes scared deep down that he has made a massive mistake in finishing it , but he said he needs to sort his life out first before entering into another relationship . he was crying in front of me, holding my hand and everything . I feel hes making a huge mistake , but I cannot do anything about it . I feel that we shouldn't let go of this great thing and in my heart I cannot let go either . what should I do ? ive been messaging with him , but not seeing him . its only been 4 days since we split . am beside myself as its taken me a long time to find mr perfect and don't want to let it go without a fight
please advise
mandy
Hey Mandy,
Just give him space and some time. He'll eventually sort out his life and want to get back together. Even though no contact is not necessary in your case, I'll recommend it. It'll give him time to miss you and will help him make his decision. Although, don't cut him off abruptly. Let him know that you think it's better that both of you don't contact each other for a while.
Hey Mandy,
Just give him space and some time. He'll eventually sort out his life and want to get back together. Even though no contact is not necessary in your case, I'll recommend it. It'll give him time to miss you and will help him make his decision. Although, don't cut him off abruptly. Let him know that you think it's better that both of you don't contact each other for a while.
Hi Kevin
Me and my ex dated for almost 2years, we had real chemistry we were goodfriend befor getting into the relationship it was quite serious as he was the one to tell me he loves me first and started speaking about marriage things was going well for a long time and we were truely in love and I still love him so much but about 3months ago things has become so different he had stresses with work, finance, family etc and so did I amd we both became so frustrated that we started arguing about everything and anything, we always patched up and moved on but then after regular arguments he started changing he started becoming distant, unaffectionate and irriatted by me as I started becoming possesive, nagging and extremely emotional all the time. 2weeks ago we bikkered again and then we sat down and spoke and decided to start fresh thing was going great up until a week ago we were both tired and stressed and we just got home late from a family function we then slept together but whil we were being intamite he got a call on his ph from a female I didn't know when I saw he grabbed the ph and switch the call off I immediately stopped and asked who it was he said it was a work collegue and then I just went quite he got angry and said I don't trust him and that he was attracted to me and fell inlove with me coz I was confident, witty, fun and just amazing but now I have become possesive and jealous and irritating and I don't trust him and that his past relationships his exs was the same and now I'm becoming like that we had a hectic argument both said hurtful things and then he said he is unhappy I then responded that if that's how he felt we should just break up he then agreed and just left I cried and was completely heart broken coz the only reason I said that coz I was hoping he would not leave... We met the next day to talk and he said thing has become so bad that he don't think it can be the way it was I cried, begged and pleaded for another chance and he replied so cold saying I had a second chance and messed it up and now this is th result he said that I won't ever change and that this is for the best he feels that I am a nice person but its for the best and he has instantly lost everything he felt for me I asked him to think about it and he said he will we didn't contact each other for a week then last night he text me to say that he thinks that its best if we rather end things and that I should take this time to fix myself and that his willing to be my friend but doesn't see us being in a relationship again... I begged again and even offered to be a friend with benefits and he rejected and told me to rather accept it as I'm making it more difficult for myself as he has had enough of my nagging and emotional rollercoaster that I'm driving him away...and that he feels I'm too insecure, needy and a emotional mess and that I'm not the confident independant women he fell inlove with.. I started the NC from today I am broken as he is my best friend and my lover and I miss him so much I feel confused and broken and don't know what I must do I'm scared that there is somebody else but I don't wana do NC and then he mite think I'm not interested anymore and move on I love him and his my soulmate do u think there is hope for us I really want him back he made me happy treated me like a queen and we had so much in common just like a fairytale match our families get along and even our kids...I don't know what to do I just want him back but he says no matter what I do he isn't changing his mind he is so angry as he feels I am just like the rest and I don't trust him but I know he loves and cares about me a lot oi love and care about him too pls tell me what I should do please..I desperately need help.. Thanks L
Hey,
You absolutely must apply no contact. I know it's scary but it's the only way he'll stop thinking of you as an insecure person. And during no contact, you need to work on your insecurity and your self-esteem. Follow the plan, hopefully he'll see the changes in you after no contact and want to get back together.
Hey,
You absolutely must apply no contact. I know it's scary but it's the only way he'll stop thinking of you as an insecure person. And during no contact, you need to work on your insecurity and your self-esteem. Follow the plan, hopefully he'll see the changes in you after no contact and want to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
My ex leaves the country next weekend for 6 months to start a job on a boat. He said he didn't want a girlfriend whilst he was away. We've been separated 6 months and were getting on really well before he got this job... But I made silly mistakes along of the way of getting annoyed because we were getting on but not back together. How would you suggest I handle the 6 months? When should I make contact? Were currently on ok terms with each other, just want some guidance on what to do.
If you've already done no contact, then stay in contact with him. If you haven't then give it 2 months of no contact and then keep in touch with him for 4 months, and try to meet him when he comes back.
If you've already done no contact, then stay in contact with him. If you haven't then give it 2 months of no contact and then keep in touch with him for 4 months, and try to meet him when he comes back.
Hey Kevin so me and this boy was bestfriends we been talking for about 2 1/2 years we went together for 10 months but we broke up because i believed what other people told me over him and we argued about him trying to talk to other girls. We spent almost every day together. He is my first l ove. We been broke up for awhile but we still spend time together && was talking. I became too clingy over him. And he feels like he can just walk in and out my life anytime because he knows ill always be their my "friends" tell me im dumb and he isnt going to change. But i still have faith in him. Im very close with his family and he told me everything just about it took a while because he dont express his feelings. Anout two weeks ago i asked him if he wanted to be in my life, if not he could get his stuff and go. Soo now today he told me i couldnt do something because he was talking to someone. I ended up crying but i didnt mean too. He scooted me close too him && and asked what was wrong i replied nun cause he already knew he said he liked being friends cause we could spend time together cuddle & watch movies. But thats my first love my bae. I dont know what too do please help me ..
Apply No contact.
Apply No contact.
I can't decide if I should do the no contact rule or not. We broke up a week ago and I texted for the first two days but not much. And it wasn't beggy or needy texts either. For the first two days I was devastated. I went the rest of the time without contacting her because I wanted the time to think about what I wanted for myself and I wanted to give her some space. During the time I took to think, I quickly discovered that I kind of lost sight of a lot of things and I know what happened in our relationship to drive us apart. I know that I want her back and that the things I need to fix are things that I want to fix for myself. I feel like I have made a big break-through with what little time has passed. I haven't cried since I stopped contacting her, I'm not obsessing over what she's always doing, and I'm not wanting to text her every second of the day. If anything, I just think about how I hope that she's doing alright and is happy. I've also gotten back into what I love doing; going out with friends, doing things on my own, seeing family and just having fun. However, I still know that I love her and want to be with her. I've taken time to heal my heart and truly assess what I want. So, this all being said, I don't know if I should still do the no contact rule for 30 days or if I should just send her a text to try and start mending things between us?
If you've already reached a point where you are confident that you can talk to her and make her attracted to you again, then yes, technically there's no need for no contact. However, waiting a couple of weeks before contacting her can not hurt. It might even help since it'll give her some time to miss you.
If you've already reached a point where you are confident that you can talk to her and make her attracted to you again, then yes, technically there's no need for no contact. However, waiting a couple of weeks before contacting her can not hurt. It might even help since it'll give her some time to miss you.
Hi, I broke down with my boyfriend about 2 years ago, removed him from my contacts on the mobile, and on the Facebook. I was following your plan since a while but as you see after a long long no contact period. Now I think I'm in step 4 , but with some mistakes and very slowly, I called him and he called me back and we are talking as friends on mobile only.I asked him to send me a friend request on Facebook in a funny way but he replied that I will ignore or reject him. I know I shouldn't ask him directly but that's what happened any way. Asking him Out is not accepted where I live. We are not working in the same place any more. I don't know what to do next. Should I call him again? what should be the period between the calls?
It sort of depends on how he receives your call. If he is warm and happy whenever you call him, then increase the frequency of the calls. If he is cold, then decrease it.
It sort of depends on how he receives your call. If he is warm and happy whenever you call him, then increase the frequency of the calls. If he is cold, then decrease it.
Hi..i dated this guy for a year and we were happy till we started having issues. We separated and came back together and was happy till another issue which separated us again. He said i cant help him achieve his dreams and then we resolved the issue and we were working on coming back together till he found out there were 2 guys who i was friends with. He confronted me about em but i denied saying they were just 1person,he found out i lied and ever since then he said it was over. We broke up in december and now he's dating this new girl. Im really confused because i really love him and want him back, what do i do to get him back? Will he ever trust me again and get back with me?
I can't say for sure if he'll trust you again and get back together. But you can try it once. Start with no contact and then follow the plan. If he comes back, great, if not, move on.
I can't say for sure if he'll trust you again and get back together. But you can try it once. Start with no contact and then follow the plan. If he comes back, great, if not, move on.
A week be for valentine's day my girlfriend said she did feel the same way about us 2years things were grate till now i said we needed some space apart its valentines day next week followed by her birthday you suggest no contact 30 days. Then get back in touch out the blue?
Yes, don't contact her on Valentine's Day. As for her birthday, you can send her a simple text, but nothing more.
Yes, don't contact her on Valentine's Day. As for her birthday, you can send her a simple text, but nothing more.
Hey Kevin,
My ex broke up with me about 2 and a half weeks ago, the first week she'd text me and get angry at all the rumors other guys who liked her made up to make her try to hate me. When we bump into each other she still tries to flirt with me, other times she avoids me. Yesterday she took down our last picture together from social media, the others we both deleted the first day. I've lost 9 pounds, have gotten new clothes, talk to other girls around her, and seem very happy around her. Before we broke up I wanted to see a certain movie with her that we discussed, should I ask her to go with me as a friend to see it on Valentine's day or is that too early?
Are you already on talking terms with her and are close to getting back together? If not, asking her out is a risky move. I think it's a little too early.
Yes and no on talking terms really, one day she'll pop by to see me and flirt with me, other days ill look her way and she buries her head into her phone. She's tweeted, retweet, and favorited a lot of stuff about missing the relationship and stuff, so I don't know if that's a sign or not.
Then, I'd recommend you don't contact her on V Day. If she contacts you, answer politely but don't try to take it further.
Then, I'd recommend you don't contact her on V Day. If she contacts you, answer politely but don't try to take it further.
Then, I'd recommend you don't contact her on V Day. If she contacts you, answer politely but don't try to take it further.
Then, I'd recommend you don't contact her on V Day. If she contacts you, answer politely but don't try to take it further.
Yes and no on talking terms really, one day she'll pop by to see me and flirt with me, other days ill look her way and she buries her head into her phone. She's tweeted, retweet, and favorited a lot of stuff about missing the relationship and stuff, so I don't know if that's a sign or not.
Yes and no on talking terms really, one day she'll pop by to see me and flirt with me, other days ill look her way and she buries her head into her phone. She's tweeted, retweet, and favorited a lot of stuff about missing the relationship and stuff, so I don't know if that's a sign or not.
Are you already on talking terms with her and are close to getting back together? If not, asking her out is a risky move. I think it's a little too early.
My bf and me have a nice stable rs for a yr till one fine day i was dumped over a new girl... who reminds him of his long ago xgf tt apparently still in his mind.
I was not the rebound rs. He got into a rebound rs after the 1st xgf n almost marry that 2nd girl..and it ends after 3 yrs.pretty long I say.. it ended coz xgf contacted him maybe she had some problem etc.. went few dates and messed up his mind and he called off the whole wedding thing.his ex was already married when she messed him up and abruptly stop contact after the dates.but he still misses her.he didnt miss the exfiance.
And I came in.. he loved me coz Im totally different from the girls he dated before and im really good to him.but alas a mth ago he met a girl who he believed is a clone of his xgf..the birthdate, mannnerism etc. She make advances and he got pressured to break up with me.
While I felt it was unfair..and I did all those damaging postbreakup mistakes.. I gonna try the NCrule. Its hard really coz I relly love him and suitable for me...i would like to get back with him..even though now he is with tt new gf.
But how is NC rule gonna work when in between I need to remind him on financial stuff (he owe the bank thru me)
I really want him to see and realise tt im the only genuine girl for him that cares a great deal. I did nothing bad as gf at all and all I get is get dumped for some bizzare reason.
Please help thanks.
When you have to remind him of financial stuff, just remind him and don't talk about anything else. I know what happened to you sucked, but keep it in mind that it happened once, and if you get him back, it can happen again. Do you really think it's worth it?
When you have to remind him of financial stuff, just remind him and don't talk about anything else. I know what happened to you sucked, but keep it in mind that it happened once, and if you get him back, it can happen again. Do you really think it's worth it?
Hey Kevin,
My ex broke up with me about two months ago saying that "she needs space," "she's trying to find herself," and "she isn't sure if she even wants to be in a committed relationship." We were together for a year and a few months. She's told me that she feels like I'm the one and she's never had feelings as strongly for anyone as she has for me. Also, when she broke up with me, she said that she was still in love with me, but she desires to experience the single life again, going out, talking to other girls, etc. She's also said that when "she's ready" we'll be together again. She wanted us to be friends because she still wanted me in her life. I was a good girlfriend, never cheated or lied... nothing. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing serious. Well, at first initial break up, I begged, cried, did all the "normal, crazy" reactions until the point where she would ignore me, but we always seemed to start communicating and hanging out again, until an argument breaks out about our relationship and me trying to get her back. So I didn't want to become her safety net and for her to think I was going to wait on her, so I started the no contact rule 9 days ago and on the 8th day, she texted me... to see if, "I'm doing alright." I did not respond. What do you think of this situation? Did I do the right thing? Do you think I have a chance to get her back? I am still in love with her too. Any additionally advice you could give me?
Yes, you did the right thing. Yes, you have a chance to get her back. However, make sure you don't force her to come back even after no contact. It's very important that getting back together is her idea. If it isn't she'll always have the same doubts in her mind as she had before and your relationship will suffer in the future.
Yes, you did the right thing. Yes, you have a chance to get her back. However, make sure you don't force her to come back even after no contact. It's very important that getting back together is her idea. If it isn't she'll always have the same doubts in her mind as she had before and your relationship will suffer in the future.
Hi, so me and my boyfriend of almost a year broke up about three weeks ago. Originally I had broken up with him out of anger at my mom then I tried talking to him and he decided he was done with me. I did almost all of the things I wasn't supposed to, I texted, I called, I was incredibly needy and desperate, all around it doesn't look good. For a few weeks he responded to me and just kept telling me he was done and we weren't good together but he still wanted to have sex with me. I drew the line at the sex because I knew I couldn't handle that emotionally. I did the whole thing where I poured my heart out and begged repeatedly for a second chance then I gave him like four days and after he still didn't respond I got desperate and went back to the needy texting. Is it too late for me to try this system and get him back? Our reasons for breaking up were all on me because I would pick fights and didn't trust him since I have severe issues with trusting people, but I am going to a counselor now for my own personal issues and working on myself, I just want to know if now that he is ignoring me is it too late for us?
I don't think it's too late. Stay no contact for 30-45 days and work on yourself. It's great you are going to a counselor, it's going to help tremendously.
So I started the no contact thing and like two days in he messaged me on Facebook and out of burning curiosity on why he could possibly be talking to me again I responded. We had a very brief conversation about some things that have been going on in my life. It seemed after he was done asking his questions he stopped responding to me. I made sure not to bring up the subject of our relationship or resort back to the begging, but I don't understand why he would do this? Like seem concerned then just go back to ignoring me? Did I just take two steps backwards and ruin everything by talking to him?
He contacted you because he wanted to see if you're still available for him whenever he wanted. And you showed him that you are. So, he lost interest quickly. Next time he contacts, don't reply.
He contacted you because he wanted to see if you're still available for him whenever he wanted. And you showed him that you are. So, he lost interest quickly. Next time he contacts, don't reply.
He contacted you because he wanted to see if you're still available for him whenever he wanted. And you showed him that you are. So, he lost interest quickly. Next time he contacts, don't reply.
He contacted you because he wanted to see if you're still available for him whenever he wanted. And you showed him that you are. So, he lost interest quickly. Next time he contacts, don't reply.
So I started the no contact thing and like two days in he messaged me on Facebook and out of burning curiosity on why he could possibly be talking to me again I responded. We had a very brief conversation about some things that have been going on in my life. It seemed after he was done asking his questions he stopped responding to me. I made sure not to bring up the subject of our relationship or resort back to the begging, but I don't understand why he would do this? Like seem concerned then just go back to ignoring me? Did I just take two steps backwards and ruin everything by talking to him?
So I started the no contact thing and like two days in he messaged me on Facebook and out of burning curiosity on why he could possibly be talking to me again I responded. We had a very brief conversation about some things that have been going on in my life. It seemed after he was done asking his questions he stopped responding to me. I made sure not to bring up the subject of our relationship or resort back to the begging, but I don't understand why he would do this? Like seem concerned then just go back to ignoring me? Did I just take two steps backwards and ruin everything by talking to him?
I don't think it's too late. Stay no contact for 30-45 days and work on yourself. It's great you are going to a counselor, it's going to help tremendously.
Hi Kevin,
My bf and I have dated for 3 years and he just broke up with me recently. He says he doesnt see me in the future and is not sure if our personalities work. He says he still loves me but he thinks I love him more than he loves me. However, during our break up, he could never break up with me in person and he would also say he was confused and conflicted and not 100% sure and he wanted to take baby steps. But over the phone or when he doesnt see me he wants to break up. His friends are also influencing his decision and in my opinion are not a good role model. They are encouraging him to be single because they all are and are basically telling him to go out and talk to other girls. During the last few weeks I have tried everything, from crying and writing him a letter to trying to strategically plan everything out and saying how things will get better. Any advice on what I should do? I have decided to try the no contact rule. It's just hard because I have lost my best friend.
Go ahead with no contact. It's hard but definitely worth it.
Go ahead with no contact. It's hard but definitely worth it.
Hi
My ex and I have been broken up since Oct 2013. A couple weeks after he ended it he got into a new relationship. They are still together.
We were together for seven years and have a six year old and our baby turns 3 months this month.
I love him still and not sure he will choose me again.
You have to give him some space and let him realize on his own what he's missing. Apply limited contact and make A LOT of positive changes in your life. Hopefully, he'll want to get back together with the new you.
Kevin, thanks so much for all your help. I love the fact that you are a man and yet you are helping women understand the mind of a man and also I was wondering if you have a e book out or something of the like?
I correspond with you almost a year ago about my ex-boyfriend. we are still broken up sadly.
But I am starting to see good signs.
I know it might seem pathetic that I'm still trying after a year apart but that's how much I love this man and the father of my child.
I am not begging or asking for him to come back I am trying to make the positive changes that you emphasize thank you very much. Oxox
Hi Deda,
Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I do have an e-book and an online course. You can check it out here.
Hi Deda,
Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I do have an e-book and an online course. You can check it out here.
Hi Deda,
Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I do have an e-book and an online course. You can check it out here.
Hi Deda,
Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I do have an e-book and an online course. You can check it out here.
Kevin, thanks so much for all your help. I love the fact that you are a man and yet you are helping women understand the mind of a man and also I was wondering if you have a e book out or something of the like?
I correspond with you almost a year ago about my ex-boyfriend. we are still broken up sadly.
But I am starting to see good signs.
I know it might seem pathetic that I'm still trying after a year apart but that's how much I love this man and the father of my child.
I am not begging or asking for him to come back I am trying to make the positive changes that you emphasize thank you very much. Oxox
Kevin, thanks so much for all your help. I love the fact that you are a man and yet you are helping women understand the mind of a man and also I was wondering if you have a e book out or something of the like?
I correspond with you almost a year ago about my ex-boyfriend. we are still broken up sadly.
But I am starting to see good signs.
I know it might seem pathetic that I'm still trying after a year apart but that's how much I love this man and the father of my child.
I am not begging or asking for him to come back I am trying to make the positive changes that you emphasize thank you very much. Oxox
You have to give him some space and let him realize on his own what he's missing. Apply limited contact and make A LOT of positive changes in your life. Hopefully, he'll want to get back together with the new you.
Ok so me and my ex been broken up for almost two years but prior that we were dating for two years .. after we broke up I hooked up with someone else,, first of all the reason y we broke up was cause he said I was to needy n I didn't let him breathe. So I tried to get over him by getting under some one and it happened a few times with people he n I affiliated with but he was more like assoicates. Now in between this two year we had got in contact a few times and he joined the army but I never saw him until a full year of not dating we went out ice skating n went for pizza and the very next day we saw each other and got intamate. At the time I lived in ny so he was out there and made plans to visit me . He spent a week in ny and a week in fl and in fl he started dating this girl n him and her were intamate . Now since he left to the army he contacts her cause of course it's his gf n me as well as if we date ....now he knows how I feel about him& I told him basically me or her n he chose her.... He says he seems that he can't forget how bad I hurt him after our break up since I moved on so fast. He says I don't love him because people don't do that to people they love and his gf now has not done any wrong to him.. But he talks to me all the time n ask for pictures n FAce times me . He says it's all in gods hand but I can't help but feel like he's never ever going to choose me idk what to do help me :(
Hey,
If he chose her, you should've cut contact with him completely. Whenever you give someone an ultimatum, you should mean it. If they chose the other person, you should disappear from their life completely. If you're not ready to do that, then don't give an ultimatum. Right now, I'll recommend you apply no contact until he returns. When he returns, meet him and let him see all the positive changes you've made in your life. Hopefully, that'll make him rethink his decision.
Hey,
If he chose her, you should've cut contact with him completely. Whenever you give someone an ultimatum, you should mean it. If they chose the other person, you should disappear from their life completely. If you're not ready to do that, then don't give an ultimatum. Right now, I'll recommend you apply no contact until he returns. When he returns, meet him and let him see all the positive changes you've made in your life. Hopefully, that'll make him rethink his decision.
Hey my boyfriend and I had our 1 month yesterday and he broke up with me today. My mom texted him this morning when he took me to work. She basically said she didn't want us seeing each other because I have been going downhill since I've been with him. We had a party at his house last night and I got drunk but he didnt, although he did drink. He drove us home and he got my car stuck in a snowdrift. When my parents woke up this morning and saw the car they were furious. I told them what happened and then my mom texted my boyfriend. After he got that text he got out of my car at work and said its over I'm done. I Tried talking to him but he said just get away from me it's over. So I started crying and said please just give me a hug. Nope, he wouldn't. Then his friend came and picked him up at my work. When his friend picked him up i said to his friend please just talk to him. Then my boyfriend started laughing and said its over we're done. Now it's been 8 hours and I've texted him once saying my mom is sorry for what she said in the heat of the moment. Also I told him he could come over and talk if he wanted to. No answer, no nothing. I don't know what to do! I have wanted him for 3 years and i finally had it and now it's all over); can you please give me some advice and tell me if you think I can get him back. Also why do you think he was laughing when he said its over? Thank you so much!
I can't think of any reason why he would laugh, unless he's a really mean person. In which case, you really shouldn't be with him. But I have a feeling you are not going to listen to that advice, so apply No contact for a while. That's your best shot.
I can't think of any reason why he would laugh, unless he's a really mean person. In which case, you really shouldn't be with him. But I have a feeling you are not going to listen to that advice, so apply No contact for a while. That's your best shot.
okay well me and my ex were falling apart we werent tell eacher how we felt or help eacher and then i was trying to help him but he kept pushing me away for this other girl and now there dating and i really miss him and want him back but i dont want the relationship we had i want like the one when we first meet were we told each other everything and trusted each other and were happy and in love and when he didnt push me away for other people so what do i do because i think he hates me now too and he wont talk to me really and if he does its not always a good convo between us......
what should i do because ive tried every little thing to get over him and i just cant
help me please?
You can only get over him if you stop contact with him. Try no contact for 60 days.
You can only get over him if you stop contact with him. Try no contact for 60 days.
Hi Kevin,
Wondering if you could help me. I never technically date this guy but we had been seeing each for the past 6 months until he told me that he doesn't want a girlfriend. We ended it but then two weeks later we started up again-- dinners,concerts, sex. Then he ended it again. I don't know if this 30 day rule could work for this.
It might work. He'll still get time to miss you, you get time to make some changes in your life. I don't really see any better alternative. Although, If you want a relationship, I'd suggest you make it clear this time and don't sleep with him unless he commits.
It might work. He'll still get time to miss you, you get time to make some changes in your life. I don't really see any better alternative. Although, If you want a relationship, I'd suggest you make it clear this time and don't sleep with him unless he commits.
Kevin,
I also apologized. And anytime I asked if we are broken up, he avoids the questions. Yet, he ignores me. So i dont know what to expect. Why is he avoiding the question?
Mel
Hey,
He might be confused what he wants. Give him some time, and this time be firm when you ask him. Let him know that if he wants to break up, you have the right to know. And if he just wants some time and space, you are ready to give it to him. Alternatively, tell him that you think you should not talk to each other for a month and then get in touch to see what both of you want.
Hey,
He might be confused what he wants. Give him some time, and this time be firm when you ask him. Let him know that if he wants to break up, you have the right to know. And if he just wants some time and space, you are ready to give it to him. Alternatively, tell him that you think you should not talk to each other for a month and then get in touch to see what both of you want.
I am 38 weeks pregnant and my ex broke it off in November and been.misleading me.I did everything I wasnt suppose to being needy desperate etc. I asked him if we will get back together he says he doesnt know but still shows he cares. man am I confused. HE also has a New Gf. Do you think I still.have a chance
Hey Simone,
You might have a chance, but don't count on it. Be prepared for the worst. If he doesn't come back, you have to be prepared to raise the baby on your own. If possible, apply no contact rule and start planning your life without him.
Hey Simone,
You might have a chance, but don't count on it. Be prepared for the worst. If he doesn't come back, you have to be prepared to raise the baby on your own. If possible, apply no contact rule and start planning your life without him.
Hey Kevin,
My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I have no idea why. We talked about it and he said I'm the kind of girl he can marry but he's scared that when I go to med school I will leave him. We got back together and everything was fine and then three days later he messaged saying he can't do this anymore and he doesn't want to talk about it. I have 2 of his shirts and one really means a lot to him,it was given to him by his deceased cousin. How do you think I should contact him after the no contact period?
You can use the letter or a text message. It's your choice. Don't mention the shirt unless he asks for it.
You can use the letter or a text message. It's your choice. Don't mention the shirt unless he asks for it.
Hello Kevin,
I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago and immediately went out with another guy the next day, thinking that this new guy could treat me better. Then I realised that I really loved my ex and that I wanted to be with him.
But by the time I went back to him, he was heartbrokened and he lost his trust in me. During the 2 months that we weren't together, I was being that clingy and needy ex gf and I guess he found it really annoying. He also did show me some mixed signals. Saying that he still likes me and misses me. Then goes on to say why he doesn't want to get back together with me or that he isn't ready yet, sometimes he would even criticise me. I can tell that he is very angry and confused. I have started the no contact rule and it has been about a week or so. He hasn't contacted me (or at least not yet). He said that he wants me to concentrate on my studies, and that he doesn't know if he wants to get back tgt with me or not. I'm afraid that he'll move on or that he'll realise that not being with me can be very enjoyable etc. What should I do?
Hey Lynn,
If he realizes that not being with you can be enjoyable, you can make him realize later that being with you is more enjoyable. In fact, it should be like that. If it's not, then you shouldn't get back together. Finish the no contact rule and make some positive changes in your life during this time.
Hey Lynn,
If he realizes that not being with you can be enjoyable, you can make him realize later that being with you is more enjoyable. In fact, it should be like that. If it's not, then you shouldn't get back together. Finish the no contact rule and make some positive changes in your life during this time.
Hi kevin
Me and my ex dated for almost 3years, 3 months ago we talked about marriage an our future but he said im no ready for commitment but i think about it from now. and we were together for knowing each other more for decision of our marriage and we talked about that during this time but after 3 months he said again im not ready and you pressure on me for my decision and again we argue about that because it was very important for me after 3 years and suddenly he said i dont want a girlfriend or a wife and he didnt answer call from me after that i call him 2times but he didnt answer and i didnt call him any more and now its 25 days that im in no contact but he hadnt call me yet befor that in our speaking about marriage he said that im not happy with this decission but because i love you very much i do it for you but im not satisfied with marriaage. do you think that he wants to think about his dicission about future during this time or not? do you think that he come back? he divorced from his wife 3.5 years ago too.
Hey,
You need to give him time and let it be his decision. Continue contact for at least 60 days and then contact him. It could be that he has some bad association with marriage because of his divorce and he's scared. Hopefully, with time, he'll get over it.
Hey,
You need to give him time and let it be his decision. Continue contact for at least 60 days and then contact him. It could be that he has some bad association with marriage because of his divorce and he's scared. Hopefully, with time, he'll get over it.
Hi
I broke up a week ago and I've broken every rule with no contact I've just read the plan and it all makes sense I plan on doing the no contact thing starting right now I'm also going to get off Facebook for the time of no contact as I find myself checking his page ( he's already unfriended me) I know why he left me cos I have an anger problem and one too many fights since the fight that broke the camels back it took a week for him to decide it was finally over and day after the fight I knew straight away it was over I booked in to see ppl about my anger /stress/jealousy problem and have since seen someone I've told him this...after the fight he told me he wanted space and what did I do I flooded him with txt msgs and when he finally said it was over I flooded with txt msgs ...do U think I've done too much damage already !! Today I said I wanted to fix this and his reply was make more of an effort..he said when he called it off he wants to take a step back and become Friends again...I know I've hurt him and i so hope this plan will work....thanks look forward to putting this in motion ...
You didn't do too much damage. In fact, I think your chances are pretty good. He wants you to make some changes and you are already on your way to make them. All the best!
You didn't do too much damage. In fact, I think your chances are pretty good. He wants you to make some changes and you are already on your way to make them. All the best!
Hi,
I wondered if you had any thoughts for me.
I was with my bf for 2 years. We broke up (my choice) about 6 months after I moved to another part of the country for work. I found long distance very difficult as we had previously been living together. We were friends for a year after that, and on-off no commitment lovers. I found this really upsetting but seemed unable to stop it. I didn’t want to get back together as It wasn’t practically possible to be in the same part of the country, and I didn’t want to be as miserable as I had been. I also didn’t want to cut him out of my life as I guess I still had feelings for him. In the end I went abroad for 6 months in order to clear my head and force myself to move on and not see him. He said he still loved me and he wanted to talk about us getting back together when I returned, that he would wait for me. I never asked him to do this, it came from him.
So I trumped the 30 day no speaking rule and did 6 months! Over the time I was away I’ve become a much stronger and happier person, but I also realise I want him back, wherever in the country we are. I thought about him constantly through all the amazing experiences I had. I spoke to him for the first time yesterday and he has a new girlfriend, of a few months, who he seems fairly keen on. That hurt like hell. I suggested that we meet and we are seeing each other in a few days for drinks.
I’m not sure how to play this one. I feel betrayed that he didn’t wait for me after saying he would, which is probably unreasonable. I’m not sure if I should put my heart on my sleeve or try to play it cool.
Any advice really welcome.
Definitely play it cool.
Definitely play it cool.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the articles. I've been reading them as much I can. My situation is my husband left me for another woman that he's sure is "the one" for him and that he's in love with her. We have two young children that will be affected by this separation. The thing at this point is we still see each other every day because of the children. As of yesterday, I told him that I'm done with him and for him to just be with her. I want to move on with my life without him. I want whatever he has with her to just play out. I believe it's a rebound relationship. She's also going through her own divorce. I do want him back, but not the way he is right now. He's no longer the person I was in love with.
You did the right thing and you have the right attitude towards this. All the best!
You did the right thing and you have the right attitude towards this. All the best!
Hi kevin
me and my ex got first meeting lots of things were she told you are very gentle and strong i m very little of you she saw that i m more powerful than her understand this very good way that made her shocked she told a few times you make me shocked when she offered sometihng about friednship, i smile and say ok glad to be but she is confused much..but what to do in valentines day is there any special move a message or smothing else..
Read this article.
Read this article.
Hi Kevin,
My ex broke up with me about a month ago. We had a huge fight and then he just stopped answering my texts and calls. We had been together for about 7 months at that point and living together for close to half that time.
The fight was about careers. Not to go into too much detail, but my ex is very much a realist, focused on "living a certain lifestyle" and "having a certain life" for his future and future family. I get that. Everyone wants to have a certain amount of savings for their children's future college fund, retirement, travel, a nice house, no debt, et cetera - I get it, and I admire the "provider instinct", I really do. But some people are not so lucky. And if you have been in school as long as I have (multiple graduate degrees including a doctorate), there's no way to escape the debt. My career track has been "circuitous" (that's the kindest way to put it), due to my dreams of traveling the world as a member of organizations like the Peace Corp, USAID, and things like that, and I've run into considerable obstacles (and distractions...NGOs respond to crisis and conflict and I've had the privilege of being a part of many such responses, at the expense of, well, a few landmark licenses and certifications that could very possibly be my means of "bringing in the bacon") so, to my realist ex with his banker job on Wall Street and six-figure salary with an apartment near Park Ave., I look a bit like a hippie child with rose-colored glasses and no sense of pragmatism. We fought all the time. He tried to get me to change careers. I agreed and started the application process. It still wasn't enough. More fighting. He wanted me to apply for more jobs with bigger salaries, stay where he was, agree never to move - done, done, and done - still more fighting, still not good enough. He did not trust me because I had tried to do these things before in the relationship and fallen short (mainly because in my heart, I did not want to do them and was doing it only to appease him and allay his fears). He had no faith in me. More fights. More defending myself. More banging my head against a wall trying to make him see what I was doing - essentially changing my entire life and giving up my hard-earned dreams for him to feel a sense of peace - and finally we had one more argument and it was done.
I would like to say that amidst all this, he continuously said that I was everything he ever wanted or looked for in a girl - except for this one career flaw (words like "soul-mate" and "the one" were dropped). I helped him relax. I took away all the bad memories. I made him smile all the time and brought that special something that just forced him to slow down. The only thing was - I didn't make enough money and he was not sure I could feasibly ever get to a point career-wise where I would be able to contribute enough to the life he wanted for his future. We were great together. Lots of laughs, lots of love - and the good times were amazing.
The sad thing is, things were moving in the direction he wanted. If he had just stopped to breathe and waited another 4-6 months, he would have had it all - the life, the career, the joint income, the status, and most importantly...the girl. And if he had just relaxed and trusted me, we would have been able to attain all that without either of us having to sacrifice any of our dreams or desires.
So, a week after he stopped answering my texts or calls (yes, I broke the first two rules right off the bat), I moved out of state. It had nothing to do with the break up, I had a career opportunity in another state, and there were other reasons for leaving aside from him, so I just went with it. We hadn't talked for a week and a half at that point and so I texted him from the airport, said goodbye, and essentially all the things you said to write in the letter your recommend sending after 30 days NC (no mention of getting back together, acknowledgement of mistakes and hurt on both sides, wish them well, etc.) - the response was equally sweet, with the question of whether we'd ever cross paths again. The discussion ended with us acknowledging that we still loved each other and me saying that despite that, there was a lot of healing and change needed on both sides. And when he missed me too much, he should contact me. Until then, I wished him only the best. I got no reply.
A week later - Facebook message stating that he hoped I was doing okay. I didn't reply. I was promptly blocked (and I believe deleted). A week later, he wished me luck on an interview I had told him about before the break-up. We talked briefly the day after, random nonsense about some shows and movies we both liked. I then made the mistake of asking him why he kept contacting me. He said it was a "moment of weakness" that he was "secure" in his decision to end things and that he was still angry. So I stopped replying. There was no point. 24 hours later, more texts, more references to memories. I never replied. Another 24 hours - another text referencing a shared memory and inside joke. I finally reply. Nothing. A week later, again, a random text saying he hopes I'm doing okay. I said I hoped the same for him. Two days later, a text with a sad face and a phone call to just ask about my interview, see how things were going, and say he "missed cuddling with me". Then, once more, silence.
So, my question is, does he want me back? He's already dating, so I'm rather confused. This "on-again-off-again" stuff is really annoying. I deserve a lot more than to be placed on some shelf waiting, twiddling my thumbs as some idiot makes up his mind about me. How do I just get him to man up and have the necessary conversation so that this madness stops for both of us? If you love someone, you love them through the journey all the way through to the destination, not just the parts that appeal to you. He's not a bad person. We were really great together and I still see the potential for him to be a good man and we'd be a winning team. How the heck do I get him there? Has the process even started? Is it even possible?
Thanks for this great site and for the advice. I really appreciate it (as I'm sure many people do).
~ M
Hey M,
It think it's quite obvious that he is confused about his decision and his moments of weakness are a sign that he is struggling with his feelings. He is trying to convince himself that breaking up was the right thing to do, but in his heart, he misses you and sometimes feel that you should get back together. The thing that's keeping him from discussing his feelings openly is mainly ego. He wants to be consistent with his decision of breaking.
I think you shouldn't reply to him even when he contacts you. Stay like that for a couple of months and let him deal with his feelings. Hopefully, after a couple of months, he'll be a lot more clear about what he wants and you can have a rational discussion with him.
Hey M,
It think it's quite obvious that he is confused about his decision and his moments of weakness are a sign that he is struggling with his feelings. He is trying to convince himself that breaking up was the right thing to do, but in his heart, he misses you and sometimes feel that you should get back together. The thing that's keeping him from discussing his feelings openly is mainly ego. He wants to be consistent with his decision of breaking.
I think you shouldn't reply to him even when he contacts you. Stay like that for a couple of months and let him deal with his feelings. Hopefully, after a couple of months, he'll be a lot more clear about what he wants and you can have a rational discussion with him.
Hey,
I followed all the steps and betterd myself, got my act together. So I finished all this and she is still on the rebound relationship. Its been like a month and a few days of no contact, and she still hasn't noticed me, what should I do?, keep on no contact?
Contact her using the letter. You can also send her an email.
Not sure if sending the letter is a good idea, we study in the same small university, so its like I see her everyday, I just want her to notice me (by the way, her new boyfirend studies here too) without being too obvious, I want to show her, instead of telling her that im the better guy, or that she can be happier with me. Im really not sure about contacting her, while being with the other guy.
Well, if you ask me, then she is probably keeping tabs on you and she knows you are bettering yourself. There's nothing much you can do accept post pictures on facebook and other social media. She might be hesitating to contact you because she has a boyfriend. How about sending her an email, accepting the breakup? It's very effective IMO. It'll open up communication between you two.
Well, if you ask me, then she is probably keeping tabs on you and she knows you are bettering yourself. There's nothing much you can do accept post pictures on facebook and other social media. She might be hesitating to contact you because she has a boyfriend. How about sending her an email, accepting the breakup? It's very effective IMO. It'll open up communication between you two.
Well, if you ask me, then she is probably keeping tabs on you and she knows you are bettering yourself. There's nothing much you can do accept post pictures on facebook and other social media. She might be hesitating to contact you because she has a boyfriend. How about sending her an email, accepting the breakup? It's very effective IMO. It'll open up communication between you two.
Well, if you ask me, then she is probably keeping tabs on you and she knows you are bettering yourself. There's nothing much you can do accept post pictures on facebook and other social media. She might be hesitating to contact you because she has a boyfriend. How about sending her an email, accepting the breakup? It's very effective IMO. It'll open up communication between you two.
Not sure if sending the letter is a good idea, we study in the same small university, so its like I see her everyday, I just want her to notice me (by the way, her new boyfirend studies here too) without being too obvious, I want to show her, instead of telling her that im the better guy, or that she can be happier with me. Im really not sure about contacting her, while being with the other guy.
Not sure if sending the letter is a good idea, we study in the same small university, so its like I see her everyday, I just want her to notice me (by the way, her new boyfirend studies here too) without being too obvious, I want to show her, instead of telling her that im the better guy, or that she can be happier with me. Im really not sure about contacting her, while being with the other guy.
Contact her using the letter. You can also send her an email.
Hi Kevin,
I recently broke up with my girlfriend and have been missing her a lot. I made a huge mistake in meeting up with her two days ago and going shopping which lead to me sleeping with her at my place later on. While she was here, she hurt me a lot by saying all these nice things about her new boyfriend. I made all of the mistakes above (calling, texting, begging, offered to change my entire self for her and give up everything she wants me to, etc). Every other day or so she texts and calls, I respond, then the next day she does not contact. Is it possible that she is getting revenge on how bad I hurt her when I broke up with her? I can admit some mistakes I made in the relationship and I did treat her badly at times. She texted and called me tonight but I did not pick up. I can do the no contact but I am just so afraid she will eventually give up and make an ultimate decision for the new guy. Her and I have 8+ months of history together and I want her back. I just wanted to say that I feel threatened about the new guy since she said all these great things about him.
Thank you,
Michael
Hey,
No contact is still your best chance. You have a history of 8 months, one month of no contact will not make her forget you.
Hey,
No contact is still your best chance. You have a history of 8 months, one month of no contact will not make her forget you.
Hi.
I broke up with my ex few weeks ago. My situation is kind of different than others. I think her parents are involved in, too. They said I was okay for boyfriend but no more than that. Anyways, I begged, called, and did text to her for three days after she told me that our relationship is done. But, she didn't change her mind and put up religion as another issue for us. On the next day, I just stopped begging her and turned into N/C rule, and she text me back saying kind of like "Cheer up" three days after of N/C. But, I didn't reply. So, my question is should I text her back soon? or wait ?
If your answer is waiting, then how long? and what if she doesn't contact me again? and wait until she says that she wants to get back together or just ask her what does she want me to do?
Don't reply. If she contacts again, still don't reply. Finish 30 days without replying to her. Contact her after 30 days, but don't tell her you want to get back together.
Ok, but what if she thinks I moved on and telling me she is ok without me when I contact her after 30 days?
And what should I say when I text her first?
You can find answers to both your questions in this article.
Oh! I forgot to tell you the reason why her parents forced her to break up. it's because they knew we went to far. she was with another guy at her dorm. Also, she told her parents that I was mad about that she was staying with the guy friend, but she didn't tell her parents it was her dorm. Which made me mad. Anyways, I was so mad that I argue with her like crazy. Then I told her to break up first and she said no...... but after she phone called with her mom and she was telling me to break up. And situation was changed that I started begging, crying and telling her I would die without you. But she left telling me she has to go. And this is what it has to be.
Do you still think my ex will come back if I try this N/C or should I try some other ways?
Yup, still N/C is the way to go.
Yup, still N/C is the way to go.
Yup, still N/C is the way to go.
Yup, still N/C is the way to go.
Yup, still N/C is the way to go.
Yup, still N/C is the way to go.
Oh! I forgot to tell you the reason why her parents forced her to break up. it's because they knew we went to far. she was with another guy at her dorm. Also, she told her parents that I was mad about that she was staying with the guy friend, but she didn't tell her parents it was her dorm. Which made me mad. Anyways, I was so mad that I argue with her like crazy. Then I told her to break up first and she said no...... but after she phone called with her mom and she was telling me to break up. And situation was changed that I started begging, crying and telling her I would die without you. But she left telling me she has to go. And this is what it has to be.
Do you still think my ex will come back if I try this N/C or should I try some other ways?
Oh! I forgot to tell you the reason why her parents forced her to break up. it's because they knew we went to far. she was with another guy at her dorm. Also, she told her parents that I was mad about that she was staying with the guy friend, but she didn't tell her parents it was her dorm. Which made me mad. Anyways, I was so mad that I argue with her like crazy. Then I told her to break up first and she said no...... but after she phone called with her mom and she was telling me to break up. And situation was changed that I started begging, crying and telling her I would die without you. But she left telling me she has to go. And this is what it has to be.
Do you still think my ex will come back if I try this N/C or should I try some other ways?
Oh! I forgot to tell you the reason why her parents forced her to break up. it's because they knew we went to far. she was with another guy at her dorm. Also, she told her parents that I was mad about that she was staying with the guy friend, but she didn't tell her parents it was her dorm. Which made me mad. Anyways, I was so mad that I argue with her like crazy. Then I told her to break up first and she said no...... but after she phone called with her mom and she was telling me to break up. And situation was changed that I started begging, crying and telling her I would die without you. But she left telling me she has to go. And this is what it has to be.
Do you still think my ex will come back if I try this N/C or should I try some other ways?
Oh! I forgot to tell you the reason why her parents forced her to break up. it's because they knew we went to far. she was with another guy at her dorm. Also, she told her parents that I was mad about that she was staying with the guy friend, but she didn't tell her parents it was her dorm. Which made me mad. Anyways, I was so mad that I argue with her like crazy. Then I told her to break up first and she said no...... but after she phone called with her mom and she was telling me to break up. And situation was changed that I started begging, crying and telling her I would die without you. But she left telling me she has to go. And this is what it has to be.
Do you still think my ex will come back if I try this N/C or should I try some other ways?
You can find answers to both your questions in this article.
You can find answers to both your questions in this article.
You can find answers to both your questions in this article.
Ok, but what if she thinks I moved on and telling me she is ok without me when I contact her after 30 days?
And what should I say when I text her first?
Ok, but what if she thinks I moved on and telling me she is ok without me when I contact her after 30 days?
And what should I say when I text her first?
Don't reply. If she contacts again, still don't reply. Finish 30 days without replying to her. Contact her after 30 days, but don't tell her you want to get back together.
My ex broke up with me a week ago. He says that he felt I hindered him from spending more time with his friends. Well, he says he wants to cut all ties because he doesn't think things will change. I tried talking to him in the beginning, but now I'm going along with the no contact rule. It just sucks because I still have to run into him every day in the halls. But I just ignore him...Do you think he might still care and just needs his own space? Or should I just stop hoping for things to work out and move on?
Hey Renee,
I think you still have a chance. Try getting back with him once, and if it doesn't work, move on.
Well, what should I do once the 30 days are up for no contact?
You can email him or send him the letter mentioned in this article. Or you can send him a text. Your choice.
You can email him or send him the letter mentioned in this article. Or you can send him a text. Your choice.
You can email him or send him the letter mentioned in this article. Or you can send him a text. Your choice.
You can email him or send him the letter mentioned in this article. Or you can send him a text. Your choice.
Well, what should I do once the 30 days are up for no contact?
Well, what should I do once the 30 days are up for no contact?
Hey Renee,
I think you still have a chance. Try getting back with him once, and if it doesn't work, move on.
Addendum:
When he called and said he missed cuddling with me, I said that what he said was very sweet and missed that too. Then nothing. Crickets.
I've been moving forward with my life, but as I pour more energy into myself and my career, the trajectory takes me further away from him geographically and that worries me. He has been on ever online dating website available since the week of the break-up, so I do not in any way owe him this consideration. But love can make us kind fools even when we know we shouldn't be.
Worst case scenario, I get a conversation and closure, like two adults. Best case scenario, we work through this as the team we imagined ourselves to be. I just want to know what is going on, what all this back and forth nonsense means, and where this is going. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you so much!
~ M
Hi Kevin,
I was seeing this guy for about 5 months and everything seemed fine, or so I thought. When one day out of the blue he ended things between us saying he met someone else, I was completely shattered. He told me it wasn't about this girl or me but there were some issues he had, mainly our age difference(im 23, he's 35). In a nutshell he wants to settle down and start a family and assumed that I am not interested in that type of relationship yet. The girl he apparently "just met" is 30 and moved in within a couple weeks, maybe even sooner, after he ended things with me. I havent contacted him or anything since the day he ended it, except one day about a month or two after I actually accidentally ran into them together at an obscure store. I only saw the back of him and didnt think he saw me so I tried to avoid being seen while I waited for my purchase. He must have seen me before I saw him because he found a way to intentionally walk into my view without her and catch my eye. We talked briefly and he seemed awkward around me and ended up giving me a 'bro tap' on the shoulder before I left. Since he ended things I focused a lot on myself, started working out more, tried getting out more and open to meeting new people and I really felt I was in a good place regarding him and moving on but out of the blue he texted me on Christmas morning which completely caught me off guard as I never expected to hear from him, or that our short conversation would have him saying he "thinks about me often" and he even brought into the conversation a small suggestive inside joke we used to text about a lot. I know he is still with this girl though and they still live together which is probably why it took me by surprise. But it made me look back and think a lot and I know he didnt give us the chance we deserve and I know we can be so great together. Aside from Christmas day I didnt talk to him until New Years I wished him a happy New Year because I was still frazzled from his text on Christmas but that was it. Havent talked to or seen him since. It has now been about 6 months since things between us ended and I know him and I together deserve a chance but I don't know what to do now. His birthday is coming up in a month and I was thinking of texting him then, maybe open up a channel of communication, but I know there is absolutely no way I could be just his friend.
Hey Darla,
Yes, open up communications with him. Start texting more often and try having more fun with texts. Inside jokes are great for this. If it's going well, ask him to meet you. But don't become the other women and make sure you don't sleep with him until he commits.
Hey Darla,
Yes, open up communications with him. Start texting more often and try having more fun with texts. Inside jokes are great for this. If it's going well, ask him to meet you. But don't become the other women and make sure you don't sleep with him until he commits.
Kevin,
I've made what seems like every mistake in the book. Drunk calls, hopeless messages you name it. My girlfriend left me about a month ago after almost a year together and has maintained constant contact with me. She is adamant about staying as friends. She has shown no intention of getting back but when I posted a picture of me with another girl she freaked out with jealousy and told me she was thinking about getting back, but now there is no way. I still want her back, but it seems like she has changed a lot and I don't see her feeling the way she did...which abruptly seemed to stop.
And to make things more difficult valentines day is this week and idk if I should do something special because she knows that I still care...but I want to send a message by not doing anything. (She ignored our anniversary because we were broken up)
Please help!
Pete
Don't do anything on Valentine's day unless you are absolutely sure she wants to get back together.
That's what I was thinking (after reading your valentines day article). I'm picturing a lonely valentines day for her, and in a sadistic fashion that's all I want to give her. As much as I want to keep confessing my love to her she seems to grow colder and colder as I do that.
Your advice that still doesn't exactly help me. Let me give a little more context. So she broke it off over our winter break from college she broke it off with me a couple of days before New Years. And all she did was point out all of the negative things about me and amplify them. She told me that she always wants me in her life because I'm special to her and I will always have "a special place in her heart." But other than that she has grown very cold towards me.
Now let me back track. She is one year younger than me and we have had a special bond since the moment we laid eyes on each other, four years ago. We had a thing throughout highschool and I was always there for her even when I left to go to college.
She made me a "box" of meaningful items and postcards that she gave to me right before I went to school. And it was crazy to me at that point, this crazy girl in crazy love with me and it meant little to me in the moment. I went away to school and hooked up with other girls but as cool as it was, I eventually realized that it was only her I wanted.
So we started dating midway through my freshman year of college, over my winter break last year.
Now a lot has happened and I know you cannot understand or see all of what has happened but she still contacts me with enthusiasm and excitement. But I have already spilled my heart out only to get nothing back.
She even went to the same college as me! But now she just flaunts how much she enjoys being single even though I know she doesn't want any other guy and is not seeking another relationship at the moment.
I have seen her multiple time since we've been back at school and we click like we always used to.
But she seems sad and withdrawn when I don't talk to her and even posts stuff about wishing she went to another school, which I ignore.
I don't even know Kevin, I mean I'm not going to contact her on valentines day but what then?
Does she have other problems or sadness in her life that she associates with me?
Can I even get her back at this point?
Should I even try to be patient anymore , maybe with no contact or should I just move on?
Pete
Hey Pete,
It could be The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). She might be thinking of jumping in the dating game again, while keeping you as a backup. Perhaps, that's why she freaked out when she saw your picture with another girl. Or it could be that she just wanted a break from the relationship and wanted to be single for a while. She is young and she is not sure what she wants in life. There could be a million reasons for her irrational behavior.
Like I mentioned in the beginning of the article, there's no guarantee that you'll get her back. You can just increase your chances. And pouring your heart out to her will only decrease your chances. If you stay in touch with her and let her feel like that she still has you in her life, she will never really face the reality that she might lose you forever.
I'll still recommend you to just follow the plan. In fact, give no contact 60 days. Hopefully, by the end of no contact, she'll be more clear about what she wants in life and you'll be in a better position to decide whether or not you should move on.
Hey Pete,
It could be The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). She might be thinking of jumping in the dating game again, while keeping you as a backup. Perhaps, that's why she freaked out when she saw your picture with another girl. Or it could be that she just wanted a break from the relationship and wanted to be single for a while. She is young and she is not sure what she wants in life. There could be a million reasons for her irrational behavior.
Like I mentioned in the beginning of the article, there's no guarantee that you'll get her back. You can just increase your chances. And pouring your heart out to her will only decrease your chances. If you stay in touch with her and let her feel like that she still has you in her life, she will never really face the reality that she might lose you forever.
I'll still recommend you to just follow the plan. In fact, give no contact 60 days. Hopefully, by the end of no contact, she'll be more clear about what she wants in life and you'll be in a better position to decide whether or not you should move on.
Hey Pete,
It could be The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). She might be thinking of jumping in the dating game again, while keeping you as a backup. Perhaps, that's why she freaked out when she saw your picture with another girl. Or it could be that she just wanted a break from the relationship and wanted to be single for a while. She is young and she is not sure what she wants in life. There could be a million reasons for her irrational behavior.
Like I mentioned in the beginning of the article, there's no guarantee that you'll get her back. You can just increase your chances. And pouring your heart out to her will only decrease your chances. If you stay in touch with her and let her feel like that she still has you in her life, she will never really face the reality that she might lose you forever.
I'll still recommend you to just follow the plan. In fact, give no contact 60 days. Hopefully, by the end of no contact, she'll be more clear about what she wants in life and you'll be in a better position to decide whether or not you should move on.
Hey Pete,
It could be The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). She might be thinking of jumping in the dating game again, while keeping you as a backup. Perhaps, that's why she freaked out when she saw your picture with another girl. Or it could be that she just wanted a break from the relationship and wanted to be single for a while. She is young and she is not sure what she wants in life. There could be a million reasons for her irrational behavior.
Like I mentioned in the beginning of the article, there's no guarantee that you'll get her back. You can just increase your chances. And pouring your heart out to her will only decrease your chances. If you stay in touch with her and let her feel like that she still has you in her life, she will never really face the reality that she might lose you forever.
I'll still recommend you to just follow the plan. In fact, give no contact 60 days. Hopefully, by the end of no contact, she'll be more clear about what she wants in life and you'll be in a better position to decide whether or not you should move on.
That's what I was thinking (after reading your valentines day article). I'm picturing a lonely valentines day for her, and in a sadistic fashion that's all I want to give her. As much as I want to keep confessing my love to her she seems to grow colder and colder as I do that.
Your advice that still doesn't exactly help me. Let me give a little more context. So she broke it off over our winter break from college she broke it off with me a couple of days before New Years. And all she did was point out all of the negative things about me and amplify them. She told me that she always wants me in her life because I'm special to her and I will always have "a special place in her heart." But other than that she has grown very cold towards me.
Now let me back track. She is one year younger than me and we have had a special bond since the moment we laid eyes on each other, four years ago. We had a thing throughout highschool and I was always there for her even when I left to go to college.
She made me a "box" of meaningful items and postcards that she gave to me right before I went to school. And it was crazy to me at that point, this crazy girl in crazy love with me and it meant little to me in the moment. I went away to school and hooked up with other girls but as cool as it was, I eventually realized that it was only her I wanted.
So we started dating midway through my freshman year of college, over my winter break last year.
Now a lot has happened and I know you cannot understand or see all of what has happened but she still contacts me with enthusiasm and excitement. But I have already spilled my heart out only to get nothing back.
She even went to the same college as me! But now she just flaunts how much she enjoys being single even though I know she doesn't want any other guy and is not seeking another relationship at the moment.
I have seen her multiple time since we've been back at school and we click like we always used to.
But she seems sad and withdrawn when I don't talk to her and even posts stuff about wishing she went to another school, which I ignore.
I don't even know Kevin, I mean I'm not going to contact her on valentines day but what then?
Does she have other problems or sadness in her life that she associates with me?
Can I even get her back at this point?
Should I even try to be patient anymore , maybe with no contact or should I just move on?
Pete
That's what I was thinking (after reading your valentines day article). I'm picturing a lonely valentines day for her, and in a sadistic fashion that's all I want to give her. As much as I want to keep confessing my love to her she seems to grow colder and colder as I do that.
Your advice that still doesn't exactly help me. Let me give a little more context. So she broke it off over our winter break from college she broke it off with me a couple of days before New Years. And all she did was point out all of the negative things about me and amplify them. She told me that she always wants me in her life because I'm special to her and I will always have "a special place in her heart." But other than that she has grown very cold towards me.
Now let me back track. She is one year younger than me and we have had a special bond since the moment we laid eyes on each other, four years ago. We had a thing throughout highschool and I was always there for her even when I left to go to college.
She made me a "box" of meaningful items and postcards that she gave to me right before I went to school. And it was crazy to me at that point, this crazy girl in crazy love with me and it meant little to me in the moment. I went away to school and hooked up with other girls but as cool as it was, I eventually realized that it was only her I wanted.
So we started dating midway through my freshman year of college, over my winter break last year.
Now a lot has happened and I know you cannot understand or see all of what has happened but she still contacts me with enthusiasm and excitement. But I have already spilled my heart out only to get nothing back.
She even went to the same college as me! But now she just flaunts how much she enjoys being single even though I know she doesn't want any other guy and is not seeking another relationship at the moment.
I have seen her multiple time since we've been back at school and we click like we always used to.
But she seems sad and withdrawn when I don't talk to her and even posts stuff about wishing she went to another school, which I ignore.
I don't even know Kevin, I mean I'm not going to contact her on valentines day but what then?
Does she have other problems or sadness in her life that she associates with me?
Can I even get her back at this point?
Should I even try to be patient anymore , maybe with no contact or should I just move on?
Pete
Don't do anything on Valentine's day unless you are absolutely sure she wants to get back together.
Hi Kevin. Just want to say that I have not been so fortunate in getting my ex boyfriend back. I tried the no contact thing and ended up not calling him on his birthday last November. I've made contact with him about 2 weeks ago and I basically told him that I want to give us another try. He said that he also missed me. Then, he told me that he was very hurt for me not calling him on his birthday and then got into his car and drove over 7ookm to marry a woman who he was (or always have been) in a relationship with. I am still devastated about his marriage.
Hey Rozelle,
This guy got married to someone else just because you didn't wish him on his birthday. He broke up with you and you had every right to not contact, since you wanted your space. I think he is really immature and you are better off without him.
Hey Rozelle,
This guy got married to someone else just because you didn't wish him on his birthday. He broke up with you and you had every right to not contact, since you wanted your space. I think he is really immature and you are better off without him.
Hi Kelvin. About 7 days ago my Ex texted to say it was over. I should never call or SMS her ever again that she has got someone more serious and handsome than me.. at first I got so uncomfortable with the situation so I called her once to know if I wronged her in anyway but she said same as the SMS that I should never contact her again. So I said its OK. I hanged up. Since then I never called I follow the no contact rule. Next 2 days I received missed calls from private number and also occurred the next two other days. Dnt know but I did answer one of the calls but the caller Neva said a word so I hanged up. I never tried contacting my ex during this period of my no contact tho I drove into her once I acted like I Neva saw her and drove into my compound because she lives close to my house in same street. Its been 8days now since I started the no contact rule. I was going out with my elder bro last night I was actually looking really attractive and I walked into my ex . I said hello I was really confident with a smile on. She said hi too and asked were I was headed I told her I wad going to check on someone around a street near by. She was quite nervous when we walked into eachother.. I never said much I just asked if all was well? She said yeah. I said OK. Alright and so I took my leave. Please I need advice hope I haven't broken the no contact rule but bumping into her or saying hello?
Continue no contact for another 30 days and then contact her.
Continue no contact for another 30 days and then contact her.
Hi i was wondering if you could help at all ?
Basically my story goes ....Me and my Now EX had been with each other for about 1.5 years, i am 32, she is 24 and she has a 3 year old daughter.
We were living together, looking at a bigger house, talking about having kids and she was always dropping hints about being married one day (what she didn't realise was i had planned to ask her to be my wife as a surprise xmas gift).
On the Saturday we were at her parents house and again she was talking about having a baby etc....
The monday we had a petty argument about who she was chatting with on facebook, the tuesday she broke up with me saying she just needed space, and she felt like the worst person in the world.
It turns out 3 days later she went on a date with a guy who she had had a couple of dates with before we got together. As you can imagine i didn't handle this very well, i did all the mistakes of begging and telling her i couldn't live without her etc.
For the next month she was saying she didn't know what she wanted, she was spending time with this guy, but was texting me everyday (she was telling him i was still chasing her)..
Anyway she finally tells me they are now a couple and removes me from her life (no FB, blocked my phone number).
Iv been in NC now for around 3 weeks, but i miss her and obviously her daughter who for 1.5 years i have raised as my own.
I found out that after 4 weeks of being with this guy she decided she will move in with him and take her daughter with her.
I really don't know what my next move should be ? The fact the break up happened so suddenly for me, and the attachment to the daughter make it difficult ?
I do still want her back, Have you heard of GIGS ? and does this lend any weight to her actions ?
Please any advice will be appreciated ?
Hey Ross,
Yes it could be GIGS, considering she is still young. And if it is, there's really nothing you can do unless she realizes that she made a mistake. However, it could also be that she just lost attraction. I think the best thing you can do is apply no contact and contact her after that.
Hey Ross,
Yes it could be GIGS, considering she is still young. And if it is, there's really nothing you can do unless she realizes that she made a mistake. However, it could also be that she just lost attraction. I think the best thing you can do is apply no contact and contact her after that.
Hi Kevin,
my ex and I dated for 2 months and he broke up with me because he saw a guy texted my phone and i had replied to them (just friends of mine). He then started calling me a whole bunch of names and a liar and he couldn't trust me. He kicked me out of his house after a huge fight. I begged for another chance and he gave it to me and we were going to work on "things". The whole time after that he would think i lied about everything and we would fight non stop and he had so much power over me and could talk to me however he wanted (mean things of course). So he broke up with me again and started talking to a whole bunch of girls and even slept with one because he found out i went on a date after out breakup. A week later he broke up with me again and I tried to do everything to get him back. Was buying him food, going to hangout with him , had sex with him:(. This time he blocked my number so i showed up at his house and we got into it and it got physical. When i left he said dating me was the worst mistake of his life and im crazy!.... I miss him so much and really want him back! I know hes talking to a lot of girls right now too so he prob forgot about me! Ive not talked to him in 2 days.
Whatever you do, don't talk to him for the next 60 days. And think very hard about whether or not you want to get back with him. He's clearly abusive and even though I know you don't want to hear it, but you should not get back with him. You are just going to be miserable with him. You've wasted 2 months of your life with him, don't waste the next 10 years before realizing that he is abusive. This breakup is probably a blessing in disguise for you.
Whatever you do, don't talk to him for the next 60 days. And think very hard about whether or not you want to get back with him. He's clearly abusive and even though I know you don't want to hear it, but you should not get back with him. You are just going to be miserable with him. You've wasted 2 months of your life with him, don't waste the next 10 years before realizing that he is abusive. This breakup is probably a blessing in disguise for you.
Hi kevin
Just want to see what you think.
My ex and I were in a de facto relationship for 4 years and we broke up 3 months ago (because he is cheating and he finds no chemistry between us). However, we have been living together (in Sydney) (because he begged me to stay and I was kind of slack and did not want the hassle moving, I told him I will stay till April when my contract ends) until I return home overseas for holiday 4 weeks ago. We have been like house-mate/best friends in the past few months though I know our bond is a lot stronger than that, and we certainly still loves each other.
Not until 1 week ago I read your page then I stopped contacting him. Before that he was calling/texting me everyday about silly stuff/not-so-important stuff regarding our household. Since then he has been texting me and trying to call me, and tell me that he was worried about me. He also (finally) realised that I have blocked him on Facebook. I texted him back saying "I am OK. I just need some space."
While I am not 100% sure if he is the guy to trust and rely on, I really love and need him. Maybe I will say "no" when a few weeks later he turns to me and says he wants us back together, just because I may not be able to forgive him from the bottom of my heart, but I don't want to lose this man by giving him the wrong signal that I don't love him anymore/I am desperate.
I am heading back to Sydney after a week time... and we will be living together again. What should I do?
P.S. I know I probably should have moved, but I would like to try my best to honour my promise....
Hey,
If you can live with him and still apply no contact to an extent, then continue living with him. If you can't, let him know calmly that you want space and move out. If it's hard for you to live in the same house as him and concentrate on yourself (and make positive changes) at the same time, then it'll be wise idea to move out.
Hey,
If you can live with him and still apply no contact to an extent, then continue living with him. If you can't, let him know calmly that you want space and move out. If it's hard for you to live in the same house as him and concentrate on yourself (and make positive changes) at the same time, then it'll be wise idea to move out.
Hey Kevin, my ex just broke up with me today, i have been dating her for around 14 months and it was a really great time, we even surpassed a 3 months distance relationship, after which i moved to korea for her. which i not regret doing even if i might not get back with her, so luckily i have not done any of the mistakes you mentioned, besides maybe while talking that she wants to break up, if she is sure that i can not do anything to change her feelings. she said of course no, and i left at that no begging etc. so the reason she gave me to break up is that she just lost her feelings for me, which i cant believe so much is true because two days ago she still told me how much she loves me and stuff. so i have no plans to contact her, before reading your website i already decided that, because i did that mistake once before, with a different girl. the girl i did the mistake was an hastly i just want my ex back case, so i decided to take some time to see if i really want her back, but i kinda thought rationally about it already know which mistakes i made and which cons she has. so after the no contact period i am planning to contact her again. hearing these fact how high do you think my chances are?
ps. she is really busy she is in her last semester of university and is having a couple of job interviews these days too, my guess would be that she just has a lot of stress and might has done an overly hastly reaction. i would like your thoughts on this tho
hope to hear from you soon. Nik
You have a good chance. All the best!
You have a good chance. All the best!
Hey Kevin,
This is an excellent website! Well done :)
I wanted to ask you for some advice. My ex and I have been together for two years. We were good friends for a long time before. Over our relationship we broke up once before but that was because she was jealous of another girl I am friends with. It has been about a month since the break up. First of all she wanted to be best friends, telling me noone can replace me as her bestie. Then it got awkward. Our conversations got less and less interesting. No matter how much I tried to spice them up. I made a few of the mistakes listed above. Unfortunately we got into a fight because I got really jealous and called her a liar. So she wouldn't speak to me for a month until my birthday where her sister told her to be nice to me. Now we have started speaking again and it was great to start with. But now it is starting to degrade to what it was before the fight. We never broke up because of arguements and had literally only one while together. I'm not over her yet, and she says she understands that. But we text alot and facebook alot. What I want to know is; do you think there is a good chance of us getting back together if I start the steps again?
P.S. I tried making her jealous but she said it had the opposite effect I wanted it to.
Yeah, you have a good chance. Like I said in the article, there's no guarantee, but you'll definitely increase your chances.
Thank you very much. Is there any signs the ex usually makes to show they area into you once you start speaking again?
I've written two articles on that. This one and this one.
Sorry to keep replying but is there anyway to stop myself from becoming paranoid and checking her up on Facebook? When I talk to my friends online I always look across the chat bar to see if she's online.
You can try to stay away from facebook altogether. If it's too hard to stop yourself, you can block her or unfriend her. It's not rude. Whenever you contact her later on, you can tell her why you removed her from facebook and if she's a sane person, she'll understand.
You can try to stay away from facebook altogether. If it's too hard to stop yourself, you can block her or unfriend her. It's not rude. Whenever you contact her later on, you can tell her why you removed her from facebook and if she's a sane person, she'll understand.
You can try to stay away from facebook altogether. If it's too hard to stop yourself, you can block her or unfriend her. It's not rude. Whenever you contact her later on, you can tell her why you removed her from facebook and if she's a sane person, she'll understand.
You can try to stay away from facebook altogether. If it's too hard to stop yourself, you can block her or unfriend her. It's not rude. Whenever you contact her later on, you can tell her why you removed her from facebook and if she's a sane person, she'll understand.
You can try to stay away from facebook altogether. If it's too hard to stop yourself, you can block her or unfriend her. It's not rude. Whenever you contact her later on, you can tell her why you removed her from facebook and if she's a sane person, she'll understand.
You can try to stay away from facebook altogether. If it's too hard to stop yourself, you can block her or unfriend her. It's not rude. Whenever you contact her later on, you can tell her why you removed her from facebook and if she's a sane person, she'll understand.
They really help thank you. When I told her I wanted no contact for a while she told me that's what I said last time and maybe I will be better when she goes out with someone else. Thoughts?
She probably said it to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her. And she might actually start going out with someone else. If she does, there's nothing you can do to stop her. So be prepared for that. Hopefully, it'll be a rebound and it'll end soon.
She probably said it to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her. And she might actually start going out with someone else. If she does, there's nothing you can do to stop her. So be prepared for that. Hopefully, it'll be a rebound and it'll end soon.
She probably said it to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her. And she might actually start going out with someone else. If she does, there's nothing you can do to stop her. So be prepared for that. Hopefully, it'll be a rebound and it'll end soon.
She probably said it to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her. And she might actually start going out with someone else. If she does, there's nothing you can do to stop her. So be prepared for that. Hopefully, it'll be a rebound and it'll end soon.
She probably said it to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her. And she might actually start going out with someone else. If she does, there's nothing you can do to stop her. So be prepared for that. Hopefully, it'll be a rebound and it'll end soon.
She probably said it to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her. And she might actually start going out with someone else. If she does, there's nothing you can do to stop her. So be prepared for that. Hopefully, it'll be a rebound and it'll end soon.
Sorry to keep replying but is there anyway to stop myself from becoming paranoid and checking her up on Facebook? When I talk to my friends online I always look across the chat bar to see if she's online.
They really help thank you. When I told her I wanted no contact for a while she told me that's what I said last time and maybe I will be better when she goes out with someone else. Thoughts?
Sorry to keep replying but is there anyway to stop myself from becoming paranoid and checking her up on Facebook? When I talk to my friends online I always look across the chat bar to see if she's online.
They really help thank you. When I told her I wanted no contact for a while she told me that's what I said last time and maybe I will be better when she goes out with someone else. Thoughts?
Sorry to keep replying but is there anyway to stop myself from becoming paranoid and checking her up on Facebook? When I talk to my friends online I always look across the chat bar to see if she's online.
They really help thank you. When I told her I wanted no contact for a while she told me that's what I said last time and maybe I will be better when she goes out with someone else. Thoughts?
Sorry to keep replying but is there anyway to stop myself from becoming paranoid and checking her up on Facebook? When I talk to my friends online I always look across the chat bar to see if she's online.
They really help thank you. When I told her I wanted no contact for a while she told me that's what I said last time and maybe I will be better when she goes out with someone else. Thoughts?
I've written two articles on that. This one and this one.
I've written two articles on that. This one and this one.
I've written two articles on that. This one and this one.
Thank you very much. Is there any signs the ex usually makes to show they area into you once you start speaking again?
Thank you very much. Is there any signs the ex usually makes to show they area into you once you start speaking again?
Yeah, you have a good chance. Like I said in the article, there's no guarantee, but you'll definitely increase your chances.
Hi Kevin.
My boyfriend broke up with me 12 days ago.We were 1 year together. We kept fighting ALL the time over stupid,silly, everyday things. So many misunderstandings. It was like we couldn't bear each other anymore, i felt like i was trying so hard lately on our fights but he seemed indifferent, and I'm sure he has his own point of view and blame me for all our fights. He was also very stressed with his studies lately. Till one day after a fight he decided to break up with me. I called him only few times the next day. He ignored me.I wrote a letter thanking him, telling him that i love him,showing him my point of view for our fights that we were not compatible i was energetic but he wasn't, and stuff. And that's all. All he said to a friend was that this letter meant nothing, and that he is fine and he has a plan for his life(very cruel). I haven't contacted him since then, neither has he. He's a very selfish person and very determined about his decision of breaking up with me. Do I have any chance of making him talk to me again? (thats all I want to have him in my life as a friend). What should I do? Thanks
If you want him in your life just as a friend, you are fooling yourself. Your mind is tricking you into thinking you want him as a friend, because accepting that you are going to lose him is much harder. Think about it, how many friendships are forced? If you are this much desperate to be someone's friend, it's not really friendship. Friendship is always natural and mutual. Unlike romantic relationships.
So don't even try to make him talk to you again. If he wants to be friends, he'll contact you. If he doesn't, then you can never be real friends and it's better that way.
If you want him in your life just as a friend, you are fooling yourself. Your mind is tricking you into thinking you want him as a friend, because accepting that you are going to lose him is much harder. Think about it, how many friendships are forced? If you are this much desperate to be someone's friend, it's not really friendship. Friendship is always natural and mutual. Unlike romantic relationships.
So don't even try to make him talk to you again. If he wants to be friends, he'll contact you. If he doesn't, then you can never be real friends and it's better that way.
Hey Kevin,
So my girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with me a week ago. I know why she did it, i basically let myself go and stopped caring thinking she wasn't going anywhere(selfish and dumb on my part) we were madly in love at first and eventually she just faded. I love her and she was insanely in love with me until i started letting myself go. When we broke up she admitted it was hard on her to. But she said she needed time to think on things. 2 days later i pulled a mistake and called her at 3 AM drunk asking for her back and even cried. But she was crying to and continued to tell me we couldn't be together. After that i started to no contact phase but the thing is there are time we have to come in contact because we have a baby together and she drops the child off most days so she can work. Although she tries to avoid it and tries to get someone else to drop her off there is the odd time we end up seeing each other. But i don't say much to her just basically say hi and that's it. Now the last 3 days I've been doing things to better myself. I have started a quit smoking program, starting to go to a gym to get fit as i am rather slim. I've started eating better and got a haircut. Next two days i go to get new glasses and even contact lenses.
So basically my questions are 1. What do i do on the times we do have to meet up for the child and 2. what other tips pointers do you have about what i have done so far in the past few days of no contact?
Whenever you meet up for the child, just be polite and treat her with respect. Don't talk about your personal life and don't ask about hers. Basically, do what you've been doing till now. I think you are doing OK with no contact. Give it a month and then contact her. Also, congrats on starting the quit smoking program. If you need help, search for a book called "Easy way to stop smoking". It's one of the best way to stop smoking permanently. I highly recommend it because I quit smoking using that and haven't touched a cigarette in a year.
Whenever you meet up for the child, just be polite and treat her with respect. Don't talk about your personal life and don't ask about hers. Basically, do what you've been doing till now. I think you are doing OK with no contact. Give it a month and then contact her. Also, congrats on starting the quit smoking program. If you need help, search for a book called "Easy way to stop smoking". It's one of the best way to stop smoking permanently. I highly recommend it because I quit smoking using that and haven't touched a cigarette in a year.
Hi, my ex recently visited and everything was good with the exception of a few signs he doesn't respect me anymore. After he left, he said that the bad just outweighs the positive. Do you have any advice on what I should do because at this point, I am just thinking that I should accept him as an Associate?
If you haven't already, give him time. A month of no contact can change his perspective.
If you haven't already, give him time. A month of no contact can change his perspective.
Me and my partner have recently split up and I have been doing all the no nos after speaking to her I've told her id like to have an amicable relationship for the kids , I'm not going to call her for a month however we have had an on and off again relationship for the past four years I've made mistakes lied and she has taken me back 4 times but I kept messing up I'm a really great person who has had issues with things in life that I now have overcome, I truly know what I've lost and know I can give her what she wants is it too late for me seeing I have been given many chances before ? or can I still win her back. we have two beautiful sons one who is autistic they are my world and so is she...
Yes, you can win her back. Just give her some time to miss you and make some positive changes in your life. All the best!
Yes, you can win her back. Just give her some time to miss you and make some positive changes in your life. All the best!
Hallo Kevin
My ex break up with two months now, I still feel shit I cannot stop thinking of him. I have been trying so hard to call him, text him even to go to his house begging to take me back but his answer always NO that our relationship doesn't work and we fight so much. But we were together two year any happy doing so many things together and I was very good and nice to his kids , I was making him happy and he was always said I was the first girlfriend to show him how real love is. Now everything's looks different he break up with me he doesn't call or text and I think he doesn't miss me. His busy with his life and I want him back I do real need your help because I see my life has turn up side down.
Cristina, he does miss you. And he'll miss you more if you give him a chance to miss you. Apply NC.
Cristina, he does miss you. And he'll miss you more if you give him a chance to miss you. Apply NC.
My boyfriend broke up with me because i got pregnant and I didn't keep the baby so now he completely ignores me. do u think any of this will help get him back or is it really over for us getting back together
Hey,
No contact is still worth a try. If he still acts the same after 30 days, it's better that you try to move on.
Hey,
No contact is still worth a try. If he still acts the same after 30 days, it's better that you try to move on.
Hi kelvin,
I'm heartbroken. My and my bf used to be good friend in high school back in Asia, we both came to USA for college. We didn't contacted for few years until his 3rd year in college, I decided to visited him him Chicago. During that visit, we started dating and quickly he was in love with me, although I wasn't much in love back then. This August will marked our 6 years anniversary. We were engaged the second year and We started living together 4 years ago, he gave up a good job offer and take up a less desire job offer just to stay with me in New York City. I was a student back then, he brought a car because he can drive me to school everyday and oh go work. It was my bad, I took him for granted I thought he would never leave me, he always said I was his soulmates and first love, he can't imagine life without me and wanted to settle down with me, but i wasn't ready and always make jokes like how I think of marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, and said i don't want to settle down just yet... I didn't finish my college and I still didn't obtain a driving lisence. He got really upset with me and thinks that he spend so much time driving me to school yet I couldn't finished my studies , we got in a lot of credit card debts because we always travel during the first two years of our long distant relationship, and after we moved in together, our debts gets up even higher with the rent, car loans and such. .. During the last 2 years of our relationship, his elderly parents in Asia keep wanting him to return home but he refuse to because he know once he's gone, we will be over and during that time, his relationship with his family are not that great..he also started mentioning how unhappy he is living in nyc and want us to moved back to Chicago, I refuse. He wanted to buy a house in jersey and settle down, I also refuse because I don't like jersey.. We always fought, but we end up staying together anywhere.. Later when his student visa expire, I told him I can married him so he can get a green card and continue to live here, but I said its going to be a fake marriage since we will get a divorce 2 years later and by the time we are ready, he should proposed again. Just like that we get married but still acted like bf and gf to others.. Untill last year, he finally return home to visit his parents after 4 years.. He changed completely. He will start texting me and said many harsh stuff to me, like how bad I was as a gf, how he couldn't see me as his future wife anyway and wanted to break up. His dad is old and barely walk and he feel guilty by staying with me or tell me he love me. Later he returned to New York after 3 weeks in Asia, we fought like crazy, I finally returned him the engagement ring and told him he can give it back to me when he's ready in the future and he accept it. I pretty much made all the mistake under NC rule
And made him stay. I know he flirted with a girl on Facebook, later he claims that he tried, but it didn't work out. I start doing laundry for him and start preparing meals for him during this few months. We've been on and off until January this year We both went back to asia to visit our parents, we spent 3 weeks there and we both live apart with our own family. We have limited contact, he only text me during that time and he only called me twice on the phone, my family wasn't happy about it and don't see us as a happy couple. He threaten to break up again over text message, i refuse to and say we should work it out again. Last week we both flew back to New York, he started to distant himself to me again, and this time he begged me to let him go and claims that although he have feelings towards me but it wasn't the love he used to have, and everytime when he look at me, he can only see stress and all the credit card debts he accumulate. He say the reason he still stay in New York because he can't get a job in Asia anymore and he is stuck here with me because he got no money to moved out and he need to make money to pay off all his debts. He even said he would divorce with me and give up his greencard return back to asia If I'm willing to let go. He also say he love USA and dislike asia, but partial reason he wanted to leave because he wants a clean break with me. I stumble across his ipad and saw he took she pics with that Facebook girl, he even kept a single pic of her. I questioned him weather they started the relationship, he said no, he can't start a new one without ending the old one, I asked him if he fallen for someone else and he said no, he's not capable of falling for others at the moment. He said if I let him go a year ago, there's a good chance we will get back together, but now he thinks is none. I asked him if we broke up, is there a chance for us to get back together, he said it's possible, no one would know what's the future will be, as long as he's not married yet and anything is possible but at this moment, he can't stand with my personality, he can't see me being his wife with the person I am right now .. I begged him to give us a last chance, he claims he already give me many chances last year and he don't think it will work, he just wanted to ended it. I agreed to end it as long as we spent out last valentines together. We are considered already break up, but still living together, he's ok with me sleeping on the same bed but because I snore so loud, I ended up taking the couch. We both can't afford to move out from the APT now, and he's been taking about to get a sofa bed in the living room and start living separately. We still talk to each other, but we are no longer intimate in the same APT. I can't move on, I want him back, what should I do? We are like housemate now, it is so hard to look at him at night and I can't hug him... The day after tomorrow is valentines day, I asked if we can have a last nice night as a couple together.. I really want to have a romantic evening that end up with a breakup sex,, I know I might sounds crazy but I need it.. I want us to be together again.. But we broke up and live together ... A the same time I'm also thinking if I should get a divorce and cut his greencard, this way he will have to return back to asia in 6 months. Because everyone tells me I shouldn't give him the greencard since he treated me badly last year and he at one point he mentioned that he rather not having it. Kelvin, help me!!! I want us back together! He's the love of my life, i made stupid mistake in the past and leads to what happened today.. I've changed, but he doesn't think I changed at all. I am more considerate than I used to be back then,, I want him to love me again,,, is that possible? How NC rules work on my case if we live together and he claims that he no longer love me? We've been together since August 2008, engaged on September 2009, moved in together June 2010, legally marry Sep 2012, engagement broken and everything start going downhill and on and off since may 2013 and finally broke up feb 2014.
Hey Jennifer,
I don't think cutting off his Greencard is going to help you get him back. It's just going to make him resent you more. Don't try to hurt him, it's going to backfire. Since you've already made plans for valentine's, I can only wish you luck.
As for your situation, you need to apply limited contact and start making some positive changes in your life. That's your best bet. Start going to Gym, start some new hobbies, do yoga, meditation. Do so for at least 60 days. Hopefully, he'll get attracted to you again and want to give it another try.
Hey Jennifer,
I don't think cutting off his Greencard is going to help you get him back. It's just going to make him resent you more. Don't try to hurt him, it's going to backfire. Since you've already made plans for valentine's, I can only wish you luck.
As for your situation, you need to apply limited contact and start making some positive changes in your life. That's your best bet. Start going to Gym, start some new hobbies, do yoga, meditation. Do so for at least 60 days. Hopefully, he'll get attracted to you again and want to give it another try.
My situation is me and my ex boyfriend for more than a year broke up 4 months ago and he had her girlfriend a week after the break up., but then he broke up with his girlfriend more than a month ago. When they broke up I was there with him comforting him and so on and she told me all his ex girlfriends flaws plus they are in a long distance relationship... I've been living with my ex boyfriend in a house for 3 months already together with my schoolmates. And yeah since they've broke up we've been hanging out, going out always... and he is the one who would always ask me out always. There were even times that we sleep together hugging each other. My point now is i want to get him back. I just don't know how to start. I don't even know if he still have feelings for me because he always talks to me about his crushes, how much he adore her crush and how much he feel great whenever he see his crush. And i really still love him. And the truth is before, I've done all the mistakes said in 5 steps to get your ex back. I've been so desperate and pleading him to come back to me and i even fought with her girlfriend before. But then i followed that no contact rule by not talking to him though we we're just living in one roof. So what should i do now?
You are stuck in the friendzone. He'll keep you around as a friend for as long as he can and he gets to be with other girls as well. Basically, right now, he can have his cake and eat it too. And you are letting him. Here's what I recommend, start no contact again for a week or two. Then start talking to him again. Hang out with him and if he talks about other girls, tell him you are not comfortable with such talks. And eventually, you'll have to gather your strength and ask him to choose. Let him know that you can't be friends with him, you want a relationship. And if he can't commit, then you'll have to cut contact with him and move on. If he decides that he doesn't want commit, you should cut contact with him and move on.
I don't know how to cut the contact because as I said we were living in the same roof together with our friends.
Hey,
Minimize contact. Only talk about things that are related to the household. Don't talk about anything personal.
Hey,
Minimize contact. Only talk about things that are related to the household. Don't talk about anything personal.
Hey,
Minimize contact. Only talk about things that are related to the household. Don't talk about anything personal.
Hey,
Minimize contact. Only talk about things that are related to the household. Don't talk about anything personal.
I don't know how to cut the contact because as I said we were living in the same roof together with our friends.
I don't know how to cut the contact because as I said we were living in the same roof together with our friends.
You are stuck in the friendzone. He'll keep you around as a friend for as long as he can and he gets to be with other girls as well. Basically, right now, he can have his cake and eat it too. And you are letting him. Here's what I recommend, start no contact again for a week or two. Then start talking to him again. Hang out with him and if he talks about other girls, tell him you are not comfortable with such talks. And eventually, you'll have to gather your strength and ask him to choose. Let him know that you can't be friends with him, you want a relationship. And if he can't commit, then you'll have to cut contact with him and move on. If he decides that he doesn't want commit, you should cut contact with him and move on.
Hi Kevin I have bought the product but my situation is in middle..My girl broke wanted to broke up with me 10 days ago and i accepted gentle and said lest talk face to face last time and if we did not feel same we go our ways. She accepted because she was relaxed that i will not argue about this and make her sad also she shocked..and i wanted to give her some space we did not contac 1 week and we met last monday. it was very good she was shocked how i m responding false friendship issue. She came there to finish everything but when she saw me happy confident and fuuny she was confused and said give me time until tomorrow and i smiled and just i care your emotions and opinions she was shocked again.. i suggested a saturday meeting at there and when we are leaving she tol me i will call you for satuday..now what should i do..i could not decide which stage i m in book..drift , shift or switch..she understand i can be very happy with being friends and told you are so powerful please if we stay friedn dont leave my life..what is my next move which stage i m in i m really confused :D because we are not contacting from monday last meeting but she did not told me that ok we are friends or we are continiung or smthg like that..
Hey,
Just act the same way you did in the last meeting. You'll do great.
Hey,
Just act the same way you did in the last meeting. You'll do great.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I have been together for 2 and a half years. He was my first love and serious relationship. We made it through my first year at university but he broke up with me on Sunday after being off with me for about a month and eventually ignoring me until I called him on Sunday and he ended it with me over the phone. I am so confused his reasons are he doesn't want to do a long distant relationship anymore, doesn't feel he can commit, he is not happy, but still loves me and misses me and its just the situation we are in. I am so confused because throughout our relationship he was always very needy and obsessive, he always treated me well we went on various holidays together and made it through one and a half years of a long distance relationship. I just cannot seem to get over it. I have arranged to see him tonight to talk face to face (bad move I know, but I cannot accepted to be dumped with a shabby excuse over the phone after 2 and a half years). He used to be so in love with me and always want to call and talk to me. Now he say's he doesn't have the time and doesn't want to worry about having to speak to me, when he used to WANT to and he always wanted to come up and see me and even said we made it through the first year and that was the hardest. We argued a fair amount but only because he was annoyed that I was busy and couldn't speak to him all the time. How can he just suddenly change and want nothing to do with me? I miss him so much and just want to be with him. What do you think he is thinking and what should I do?
I don't what changed in him and what caused it. I hope you got some answers in your meeting.
I don't what changed in him and what caused it. I hope you got some answers in your meeting.
I APOLOGIZE for the long thread. My gf left me on feb 2. We have know each other 5 years. We have been together 2 years officially. But this started as an affair and turned into a relationship. She has two small children. I have none. She feels I have moved to slow to progress things to the next level. The father of the children is deceased, so I get her concerns. I really tried to make it work considering we didn't live together but it was not enough for her. With this being said, we have had MAJOR blowouts in this relationship over prior baggage and over her urgency to move forward and her feeling I'm stalling or giving her excuses about moving forward. I feel two years is a good transition period. Last year she tried to leave and I made her a lot of promises about us moving forward. Some of which I kept but we never took the big step. Now, she left for good. I already broke the N/C rule several times and have even had contact with her mom and friend. She feels that every time she tries to leave I promise marriage and now she doesn't believe it. I made many poor judgement calls in this relationship and admit I may have moved to slow. In a situation where a woman feels its the "same old" cycle, do I have a chance of the N/C rule working. I do love her and she loves and misses me. And she is angry and hurt right now. I feel like she is done for good. But I do want to work things out and make the rights moves going forward. I even told her we can get married over the April break. She said "your crazy and always act on impulse, you're not genuine... I don't trust your word." She is hurting and was borderline depressed over this toward the end. I was also not happy all the time. But I always thought we can get through it some how. Will the N/C rule work here?? Advice please????
Well, IMO when you told her to get married over the April break, you were actually acting on impulse. Yes, the N/C rule will work and you should really think whether or not you want to take things forward during the no contact period. If you decide that you are ready to get married after that, it'll be genuine and she'll believe it. And if you decide you don't want to get married, then you should let her go.
Well, IMO when you told her to get married over the April break, you were actually acting on impulse. Yes, the N/C rule will work and you should really think whether or not you want to take things forward during the no contact period. If you decide that you are ready to get married after that, it'll be genuine and she'll believe it. And if you decide you don't want to get married, then you should let her go.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex had an argument at the end of december, after which he disappeared and I haven't contacted him either. He always does this when he is angry/upset (even with friends) so I knew I would have to wait a couple of weeks for him to be back. He tried to come see me where I go out, but I kept my distance. This was 2 weeks after BU and right at that time he met this new girl. She is the complete opposite of me and his type in general (very young, childish, dependent). After 2 days he wrote on FB how happy he was, 2 more days he posted a love song for her, within 10 days from meeting her (he works double shifts so they only met like a few times I would say) they were already official on FB. He also wrote something on his mum's wall to get to me. The next day he posted a pic of them kissing. All this to rub it in my face but i kept NC. He was always against this showing of affection on FB because he found it immature.
Anyways, after that he stopped posting on FB about her (this was almost 3 weeks ago). He didn't invite her to a party he went to, he hasn't introduced her to any of his friends like he did with me straight away.
My question is... shall I contact him? I am not ready to contact him yet, definitely not for another 2 weeks or so if not later. But is it ever ok to contact first? They have been officially dating (well, on FB at least) for 1 month now and we have been NC for 6 weeks. I realised a lot of my mistakes. I became more needy after I finished University because I had too much free time and I wasn't able to handle it. I am now working out every day, I see clearly all my mistakes and I feel happy most of the time. I just need a bit of extra time to let go of the past. But shall I text him once I feel great or is it a bad idea? Thanks :)
Hey Sarah,
First all, kudos to not reacting to his immature behavior. And no, it's not a bad idea to contact him first. What matters more is what you say in your text and how you your attitude towards him is. If you're needy and insecure, any type of communication with him is going to make him lose attraction. But if you're confident and happy, even if you start the communication, he'll feel attracted to you again.
Thank you Kevin :) Your website helped me a lot. I am 30 but I have never been in a situation like this before. I am more and more convinced that she is a rebound (no point explaining it all here) and I do believe I have a chance but I am not sure I want him back. I am not sure I would be able to forgive him this and trust him and be all confident he wouldn't do it again. So I am taking my time to decide this first and then I will go from there. I will let you know if something happens though ;)
I sent him a text after almost 8 weeks of No Contact following your directions of first text message. I expected him to take 2 days to reply (he is the type of guy with strong emotions who prefers to cool down before reacting + he sometimes does it on purpose waiting for my reaction), but it's been almost 3 days and still nothing. I am a bit shocked because I did not expect this. Nothing new with the new girl, still no new signs of her on FB, still not showing up with her at events/meeting his friends etc. The day after I texted him she even came where i work (looked like an excuse to check me out + she came all dressed up). I know you recommend trying again within a few weeks but honestly I doubt I want to go through this again. She is just a little girl and if that's what he wants right now then be it. What's your take on this? I really can't see a reason for him not replying to an innocent text :)
Well, he finally replied - on day 4. My text did not require a reply really, but he replied and he wrote quite a lot. It took him half a day to reply to my next one but since then he started replying much faster. His texts started kind of neutral, but are now more and more positive. He seemed very excited that I started working out, he kind of seemed "proud", he also used smileys a lot, like really a lot :D :D He indirectly complimented me a few times saying that I am lucky because I have a nice body and therefore woulnd't even need working out much and stuff. We "touched" a little bit the conversation about us being naughty on the beach, I know it's probably not a good idea to talk about sexual stuff but it was more in a joking way. I guess I shouldn't reply now for a few days... I am trying to re-build attraction not to be his text buddy. Very hard. But I am trying to be patient.
Seems like he is warming up. I hope things work out for you.
Seems like he is warming up. I hope things work out for you.
Seems like he is warming up. I hope things work out for you.
Seems like he is warming up. I hope things work out for you.
Seems like he is warming up. I hope things work out for you.
Seems like he is warming up. I hope things work out for you.
It's quite possible that he is still angry at you or at least is holding some resentment towards you. People in rebound relationships hold on to the negativity of the breakup for a longer time because they never actually get the time to deal with their feelings.
Yes, you can contact him after another couple of weeks, but if you don't feel like going through it again, then you definitely shouldn't contact him. IMO, he will eventually break up with her and will contact you himself after that. Obviously, no one can say how long it will take. You can either wait for him to break up with him or better yet, concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Well, he finally replied - on day 4. My text did not require a reply really, but he replied and he wrote quite a lot. It took him half a day to reply to my next one but since then he started replying much faster. His texts started kind of neutral, but are now more and more positive. He seemed very excited that I started working out, he kind of seemed "proud", he also used smileys a lot, like really a lot :D :D He indirectly complimented me a few times saying that I am lucky because I have a nice body and therefore woulnd't even need working out much and stuff. We "touched" a little bit the conversation about us being naughty on the beach, I know it's probably not a good idea to talk about sexual stuff but it was more in a joking way. I guess I shouldn't reply now for a few days... I am trying to re-build attraction not to be his text buddy. Very hard. But I am trying to be patient.
It's quite possible that he is still angry at you or at least is holding some resentment towards you. People in rebound relationships hold on to the negativity of the breakup for a longer time because they never actually get the time to deal with their feelings.
Yes, you can contact him after another couple of weeks, but if you don't feel like going through it again, then you definitely shouldn't contact him. IMO, he will eventually break up with her and will contact you himself after that. Obviously, no one can say how long it will take. You can either wait for him to break up with him or better yet, concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Well, he finally replied - on day 4. My text did not require a reply really, but he replied and he wrote quite a lot. It took him half a day to reply to my next one but since then he started replying much faster. His texts started kind of neutral, but are now more and more positive. He seemed very excited that I started working out, he kind of seemed "proud", he also used smileys a lot, like really a lot :D :D He indirectly complimented me a few times saying that I am lucky because I have a nice body and therefore woulnd't even need working out much and stuff. We "touched" a little bit the conversation about us being naughty on the beach, I know it's probably not a good idea to talk about sexual stuff but it was more in a joking way. I guess I shouldn't reply now for a few days... I am trying to re-build attraction not to be his text buddy. Very hard. But I am trying to be patient.
It's quite possible that he is still angry at you or at least is holding some resentment towards you. People in rebound relationships hold on to the negativity of the breakup for a longer time because they never actually get the time to deal with their feelings.
Yes, you can contact him after another couple of weeks, but if you don't feel like going through it again, then you definitely shouldn't contact him. IMO, he will eventually break up with her and will contact you himself after that. Obviously, no one can say how long it will take. You can either wait for him to break up with him or better yet, concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Well, he finally replied - on day 4. My text did not require a reply really, but he replied and he wrote quite a lot. It took him half a day to reply to my next one but since then he started replying much faster. His texts started kind of neutral, but are now more and more positive. He seemed very excited that I started working out, he kind of seemed "proud", he also used smileys a lot, like really a lot :D :D He indirectly complimented me a few times saying that I am lucky because I have a nice body and therefore woulnd't even need working out much and stuff. We "touched" a little bit the conversation about us being naughty on the beach, I know it's probably not a good idea to talk about sexual stuff but it was more in a joking way. I guess I shouldn't reply now for a few days... I am trying to re-build attraction not to be his text buddy. Very hard. But I am trying to be patient.
It's quite possible that he is still angry at you or at least is holding some resentment towards you. People in rebound relationships hold on to the negativity of the breakup for a longer time because they never actually get the time to deal with their feelings.
Yes, you can contact him after another couple of weeks, but if you don't feel like going through it again, then you definitely shouldn't contact him. IMO, he will eventually break up with her and will contact you himself after that. Obviously, no one can say how long it will take. You can either wait for him to break up with him or better yet, concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Well, he finally replied - on day 4. My text did not require a reply really, but he replied and he wrote quite a lot. It took him half a day to reply to my next one but since then he started replying much faster. His texts started kind of neutral, but are now more and more positive. He seemed very excited that I started working out, he kind of seemed "proud", he also used smileys a lot, like really a lot :D :D He indirectly complimented me a few times saying that I am lucky because I have a nice body and therefore woulnd't even need working out much and stuff. We "touched" a little bit the conversation about us being naughty on the beach, I know it's probably not a good idea to talk about sexual stuff but it was more in a joking way. I guess I shouldn't reply now for a few days... I am trying to re-build attraction not to be his text buddy. Very hard. But I am trying to be patient.
It's quite possible that he is still angry at you or at least is holding some resentment towards you. People in rebound relationships hold on to the negativity of the breakup for a longer time because they never actually get the time to deal with their feelings.
Yes, you can contact him after another couple of weeks, but if you don't feel like going through it again, then you definitely shouldn't contact him. IMO, he will eventually break up with her and will contact you himself after that. Obviously, no one can say how long it will take. You can either wait for him to break up with him or better yet, concentrate your efforts in moving on.
I sent him a text after almost 8 weeks of No Contact following your directions of first text message. I expected him to take 2 days to reply (he is the type of guy with strong emotions who prefers to cool down before reacting + he sometimes does it on purpose waiting for my reaction), but it's been almost 3 days and still nothing. I am a bit shocked because I did not expect this. Nothing new with the new girl, still no new signs of her on FB, still not showing up with her at events/meeting his friends etc. The day after I texted him she even came where i work (looked like an excuse to check me out + she came all dressed up). I know you recommend trying again within a few weeks but honestly I doubt I want to go through this again. She is just a little girl and if that's what he wants right now then be it. What's your take on this? I really can't see a reason for him not replying to an innocent text :)
I sent him a text after almost 8 weeks of No Contact following your directions of first text message. I expected him to take 2 days to reply (he is the type of guy with strong emotions who prefers to cool down before reacting + he sometimes does it on purpose waiting for my reaction), but it's been almost 3 days and still nothing. I am a bit shocked because I did not expect this. Nothing new with the new girl, still no new signs of her on FB, still not showing up with her at events/meeting his friends etc. The day after I texted him she even came where i work (looked like an excuse to check me out + she came all dressed up). I know you recommend trying again within a few weeks but honestly I doubt I want to go through this again. She is just a little girl and if that's what he wants right now then be it. What's your take on this? I really can't see a reason for him not replying to an innocent text :)
I sent him a text after almost 8 weeks of No Contact following your directions of first text message. I expected him to take 2 days to reply (he is the type of guy with strong emotions who prefers to cool down before reacting + he sometimes does it on purpose waiting for my reaction), but it's been almost 3 days and still nothing. I am a bit shocked because I did not expect this. Nothing new with the new girl, still no new signs of her on FB, still not showing up with her at events/meeting his friends etc. The day after I texted him she even came where i work (looked like an excuse to check me out + she came all dressed up). I know you recommend trying again within a few weeks but honestly I doubt I want to go through this again. She is just a little girl and if that's what he wants right now then be it. What's your take on this? I really can't see a reason for him not replying to an innocent text :)
Thank you Kevin :) Your website helped me a lot. I am 30 but I have never been in a situation like this before. I am more and more convinced that she is a rebound (no point explaining it all here) and I do believe I have a chance but I am not sure I want him back. I am not sure I would be able to forgive him this and trust him and be all confident he wouldn't do it again. So I am taking my time to decide this first and then I will go from there. I will let you know if something happens though ;)
Thank you Kevin :) Your website helped me a lot. I am 30 but I have never been in a situation like this before. I am more and more convinced that she is a rebound (no point explaining it all here) and I do believe I have a chance but I am not sure I want him back. I am not sure I would be able to forgive him this and trust him and be all confident he wouldn't do it again. So I am taking my time to decide this first and then I will go from there. I will let you know if something happens though ;)
Hey Sarah,
First all, kudos to not reacting to his immature behavior. And no, it's not a bad idea to contact him first. What matters more is what you say in your text and how you your attitude towards him is. If you're needy and insecure, any type of communication with him is going to make him lose attraction. But if you're confident and happy, even if you start the communication, he'll feel attracted to you again.
Hi Kevin,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me after dating for 1 year and 8 months saying that he feels that i do not understand him and support him the way he feels i should. He said that he loves and cares for me deeply however right now he does not want me. Does this mean that we do not have a chance to be together again? I told him that i think we should start again and forget about the past but that still did not work. .I believe that it is definitely something that can be worked on, however i do not want to get my hopes up just in case he does not want to get back with me. what do i do? I have not spoken to him since the breakup although it has been hard and unfortunately we work together so i will see him once every week. Please give me advice :( thanks.
Hey Angela,
When you see him, act to him politely but don't talk about anything personal. Other than that, follow the plan. Make positive changes in your life, it's going to help a lot.
Hey Angela,
When you see him, act to him politely but don't talk about anything personal. Other than that, follow the plan. Make positive changes in your life, it's going to help a lot.
I don't know what to do... My ex fiancé and I were together for nearly 10 years but broke up 9 months ago. For the first 6 months we kept in contact and it was rough, so much so I then went 2 months with NC. In the last month we reconnected and my ex was showing clear signs he wants me back but he is seeing this 19 year old girl 7 years his junior, for 3 months, and
says he will not leave her now; even though he has admitted that he wants to get back together in a few months and he has cheated on this girl with me... Why won't he just leave her now when it's clear he still has feelings for me?
Hi Kevin. Thanks for the advice I decided to cut contact with him, but let him know I was done and this is how he replied "I told you I needed time and space for a while But I understand if you dont care to wait. Xx"
I didn't reply to this, however is this a response that he does still care and he really was just confused?
It is possible that he is just confused (even though I think it's not probable). If you want, you can tell him you need some time and space as well and leave it at that (it's your decision since you've already established no contact and told him you are done. So it will be sort of like going back on your words).
It is possible that he is just confused (even though I think it's not probable). If you want, you can tell him you need some time and space as well and leave it at that (it's your decision since you've already established no contact and told him you are done. So it will be sort of like going back on your words).
It is possible that he is just confused (even though I think it's not probable). If you want, you can tell him you need some time and space as well and leave it at that (it's your decision since you've already established no contact and told him you are done. So it will be sort of like going back on your words).
Because this way he can have her and you as well. You are giving him an opportunity to keep dating a 19 year old girl and still have sex with you. He'll try to keep himself in this situation for as long as he can. Don't sleep with him until he breaks up with her and commits to you. If he doesn't break up in the next 4 weeks (or 2 weeks, you decide), give him an ultimatum. But only give him an ultimatum if you are ready to leave him. There's a chance that he'll choose the other girl over you. And if he does, you should cut all contact with him and move on.
Hi Kevin. Thanks for the advice I decided to cut contact with him, but let him know I was done and this is how he replied "I told you I needed time and space for a while But I understand if you dont care to wait. Xx"
I didn't reply to this, however is this a response that he does still care and he really was just confused?
Because this way he can have her and you as well. You are giving him an opportunity to keep dating a 19 year old girl and still have sex with you. He'll try to keep himself in this situation for as long as he can. Don't sleep with him until he breaks up with her and commits to you. If he doesn't break up in the next 4 weeks (or 2 weeks, you decide), give him an ultimatum. But only give him an ultimatum if you are ready to leave him. There's a chance that he'll choose the other girl over you. And if he does, you should cut all contact with him and move on.
Hey... I need your advice... So my ex broke up with me 5 months ago we dated for 3 years since I was 16 we had some good & bad times in our relationship. And right after he broke up with me he got another girlfriend. At first he said we couldn't be together because he didn't want to hurt me and he said I was still the love of his life. And he didn't want to admit he had another girlfriend when i already knew he did. Later on he wouldnt deny it anymore and he would tell me not to stop talking to him because he still wanted to keep talking to me. It was hard for me to just be friends. sometimes i would stop talking to him for a week to see if he cared and did he would call and text me also he would get mad if i didnt tell him where i was at and with who . He came to see me a couple of times. N he always said I should date another guy. But on Monday Feb 5th we were texting fine . Untill he didn't reply back. And I had told him about this guy that I was dating for 2 months n that he had already gone with another girl. And he never replied back. But the next day when I got on facebook I check his page n I see he had uploaded a picture of him and his girlfriend on the night he didnt reply back to me. That really killed me and I sent him messages but he never replied. And I finally told him what I felt about that picture and how I don't hate him I just wish him the best and not to worry I wasn't going to send him anymore messages.. I don't know why randomly he just stopped talking to me texting me. I don't know if he doesn't want to know anything about me. I know that I shouldnt talk to him anymore. But I don't know if I should expect him to talk to me again or not.
My advise is to move on and start dating someone else. He doesn't seem worth it. Even if he does talk to you again, he'll continue playing with your feelings. Apply no contact for 60 days. Start dating. And think really hard if you want to get back with him.
My advise is to move on and start dating someone else. He doesn't seem worth it. Even if he does talk to you again, he'll continue playing with your feelings. Apply no contact for 60 days. Start dating. And think really hard if you want to get back with him.
Hi, I was hoping you could give me some advice.. I broke up with my boyfriend almost 4 years ago because I was very confused.. He became my everything back then, wherein I didn't know how to be happy if I was not with him.. I became very needy and clingy, so I decided to break up with him, that way I could learn how to be independent and learn how to grow.. I was 15 when we started our relationship and I was not in a very good state (emotionally).. But the problem is, another guy came into the picture and so my ex boyfriend during that time thought that I broke up with him because of the new guy, which was not true.. It's been 4years and I realized that I really haven't stopped loving him.. We still communicate from time to time even after the break up.. He has a girlfriend now.. And I'm from a recent break up, so I'm currently single.. This ex of mine, doesn't want me to avoid him and he doesn't seem to want me to move on from him.. I was already able to confess to him that I still have feelings for him.. He doesn't want me to move on from my feelings for him.. But he's still with his girffriend.. I'm confused if I should still hold on or should I just move on?
Did you ask him if he'll break up with his girlfriend for you? If you decide to move on, it's worth giving him an ultimatum before doing that.
Did you ask him if he'll break up with his girlfriend for you? If you decide to move on, it's worth giving him an ultimatum before doing that.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me recently out of the blue. We had a great relationship (at least in my eyes) and he was always honest with me about everything. He showed a great deal of respect and care for me. But after not contacting me for 2 days, he sends me a text saying that we need to talk. We meet up at my house and he drops the bomb. He says that the way that his life is headed, he does not see us being together. He didn't really give a reason. He also said that he did not care as much as I did and that he made his decision and I can't get him back. But again, he didn't really give a reason. This just literally came out of nowhere. Whenever we were together he always showed a great deal of affection and care. His family knows me. We've hung out together with them at gatherings. The worst part of all is that we work in the same building and his brother is my supervisor. He wasn't cruel or cold about the breakup at all. He was sweet and genuine but it still broke my heart. He says we can be friends but obviously, I'm writing you on this website because I want him back. I have not contacted him since the breakup (it was only 2 days ago) and after reading this article I will continue not to contact him. But I miss him dearly. In retrospect, I did have a lot of issues that I needed to work on (self esteem, confidence wasn't all that great) and maybe he just couldn't take it anymore. I'm not so sure. He was wonderful and nurturing and although our relationship wasn't perfect, it was something that I could say is worth fighting for. He said he didn't want to lead me on into thinking that he wanted to continue in this relationship. He was saying all these things without telling me where they came from. It seemed to have been built up for a while and he couldn't hold back anymore. But he never acted that way when we were together. He was funny, attentive and smart and wouldn't ignore me. He would apologize whenever necessary and had no problem admitting he was wrong. Some of the things I've done with him and told him I've never done with any other man. This is why the breakup is confusing. There were no red flags or warning signs. Please tell me there is hope.
There's definitely hope. I don't know what was his real reason for breakup was, but I do know that if you follow the plan, he'll feel insanely attracted to you again.
There's definitely hope. I don't know what was his real reason for breakup was, but I do know that if you follow the plan, he'll feel insanely attracted to you again.
Hello Kevin,
First of all, thank you so much for this website. I spent my morning reading every article, and I finally feel like I know what to do to start feeling better.
I'm a little concerned that I've made too many mistakes to get my ex back. We were together solidly and living together for the last year, but including the ons and offs pre-living together we were together for 2 and a half years.
We started our relationship on rocky terms. He told me he was single and he wasn't. The first year was him going back and forth between me and another woman. One of the reasons I have so much faith in your no contact is because during that first year I eventually came to the realization that I wouldn't and shouldn't be someone else's woman, and I ended things for 4 months. During that period I moved out of the area and we had no contact. When I returned he had broken things off with the other woman for good and we tried again. For the last year and a half of my life I have been in the most loving, mutual, respectful relationship I could have ever imagined for myself.
That being said, our break-up occurred after a public fight outside of a bar. I embarrassed him in front of friends and people who had mentored him that he respected. The fight was directly caused by my jealousy and in retrospect I realize I had been holding the beginning of our relationship over his head though it had no baring on where we were at that point. It took a couple of days for him to decide we were over (after another but much smaller fight). I think I should also mention that we were never the type of people to get in fights, and most definitely never in public. He asked me for space so I went to my parents house for a week. When I returned home he traveled to one of his close friend's house for a couple of days. I had been trying to "work on me". I was trying to be more mature, less possessive, and more trusting, because he deserved my trust. At this point we were trying to find a way to work it out.
When he returned from his friend's house he ended things with me and though we were still sleeping in the same bed and acting as though things were okay, within a week he moved out.
Since then I have broken rules. I have begged him. I have told him I'd changed and that I would continue changing. I reprimanded him for giving up on our relationship so easily. I became his door mat. I called him crying. I haven't been aggressively contacting him. Maybe once every two days or so and sometimes he is the one who contacts me. It's been a month since the break up and as time has gone on, I have become better and better at talking to him less or not at all.
After reading your articles I finally realize that I need to work on me and take the no contact period. Regardless of the answer to my next question I will take that time, because I recognize that it is what's best for me, but I made one mistake (I perceive it as a mistake) that you didn't explicitly talk about in any of the articles. I slept with him after the break up.
Once I went with him to a doctor's appointment because he was meeting with a surgeon and was nervous about going alone, and that night we ended up sleeping together, which (this is great) ended in me hysterically crying as I drove him back to where he's staying. He was drunk and having an anxiety attack.
Then a second time (in full disclosure, last night) I texted him and asked him to come over. After we did what we did I made it clear I wanted him to leave. He asked me if he could give me a hug to which I responded "Yeah, we just had sex. I think I can handle a hug."
This feels like a huge mistake to me. Was it? I feel like men think very differently from women. For me sex is intimacy, but did I just give him means to use me as a door mat?
So here's my real question, Are my mistakes too big to ever get him back?
Again, thank you so much for running this website and writing these articles. You truly are a lifesaver.
OK, the reason I didn't include "having sex with your ex" as a mistake in the article is because I believe it's only a mistake if you are a girl and you want your ex boyfriend back. I believe if you are a guy and you manage to have sex with your ex, it can be advantageous for you. And since the article is for both men and women, it didn't make sense to include it.
Anyways, having sex with your ex boyfriend is pretty much like every other mistake mentioned in the 5 step plan. It's does make you look needy and like a doormat, but it's nothing that the no contact rule can't fix. So, don't worry about the fact that you slept with him or that you begged him and kept calling him. Just make sure that before you contact him, you don't have any traits of neediness left in you and you feel strong enough to resist any temptation you might have of sleeping with him.
PS: You just gave me an idea for my next article.
OK, the reason I didn't include "having sex with your ex" as a mistake in the article is because I believe it's only a mistake if you are a girl and you want your ex boyfriend back. I believe if you are a guy and you manage to have sex with your ex, it can be advantageous for you. And since the article is for both men and women, it didn't make sense to include it.
Anyways, having sex with your ex boyfriend is pretty much like every other mistake mentioned in the 5 step plan. It's does make you look needy and like a doormat, but it's nothing that the no contact rule can't fix. So, don't worry about the fact that you slept with him or that you begged him and kept calling him. Just make sure that before you contact him, you don't have any traits of neediness left in you and you feel strong enough to resist any temptation you might have of sleeping with him.
PS: You just gave me an idea for my next article.
Hey Kevin,
So me and my ex were together for almost 2 years. She's in 3rd year university and I recently started my first job after graduation in Sept last year. Things between us were great till I began my work. I used to have more time for us and we would hang out often. But since I started work, which is located 1.5 hrs long bus ride away from home, my time with her decreased dramatically. 5 days of the week I would be at work from 9-6. We only had time once or twice a week after her late classes and we would meet in the evening for coffee for 30-45 mins. As a result of this we stopped communicating as much with each other. We would talk and vent about our problems but never connect and have intimate conversations. This went on for 2 months and we both knew things aren't the same as before. We both wanted to deal with this but literally didn't have time. She was always stressed about school and I used to be exhausted after work. We then decided to talk things out after her exams but then I left for vacation to my homeland and we were separated for 6 weeks. We would text everyday but about general stuff. Then suddenly she texted me one days saying she is tired of everything. She says we aren't growing together anymore and that she is not in love with me. She says that she feels things can never go back to the way they were and that its the end. She says she needs to find her own happiness and doesn't know who she is as a person outside the relationship.
Thing is we grew distant slowly and the time away made things worse. Initially when I was bombarded with this I did all the things in Step #1. I was needy and desperate and wanted her to think things through. All this happened 2 weeks ago. She then later called me couple of days later saying she genuinely wants to be alone and find out who she is. She said she wants me to know that just because we broke up she isn't going to spend all her time with friends and party. She said if we are meant to be together we will find each other in the future. We met up again 4 days ago as she wanted to return some of my stuff. I told her that life circumstances and lack of communication lead us down this road . For a change it actually looked like she was absorbing what I was saying to her.
In the end I told her that I can't be friends. She said she will call me once a week and if I pick up it means I am ok to be friends and that if I don't means I am not. I told her that I will always answer her calls because they could be for an emergency or anything. But if she calls me as friends for a general chat I will ignore her. Also if she feels that she wants to talk about a potential us and maybe work on some of the issues..she can call.
After that we haven't spoken. She messaged once saying she likes the cream I got her. I just replied saying - I'm glad you like it. It's been a few days and there has been no contact.
I genuinely care for this girl and feel we left things unfinished. I feel we need to atleast try to work on the issues and see what it leads to. At this point I don't know what to do. Obviously I feel miserable and am trying to distract myself from her. I don't know if she will ever contact me again.
But for now I want to know what I should be doing and what I should/shouldn't expect from her.
Thanks :)
You should be concentrating on yourself. You should try to be happy in your life without her. It's only been a few days of no contact, so wait for 30 days and if after that you still feel like you want her back, contact her. She will probably try to contact you, but it doesn't mean anything. She seems to be set on being friends. It's good you made it clear that you don't want to be friends. Give her time to figure out what she wants in life. This way, if you do get back together, she'll be in it for the long haul.
You should be concentrating on yourself. You should try to be happy in your life without her. It's only been a few days of no contact, so wait for 30 days and if after that you still feel like you want her back, contact her. She will probably try to contact you, but it doesn't mean anything. She seems to be set on being friends. It's good you made it clear that you don't want to be friends. Give her time to figure out what she wants in life. This way, if you do get back together, she'll be in it for the long haul.
Hey Kevin,
My girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. We were dating for around 3 months (I know its not that long). And I know how much I love her and she always told me how much she loves me. She always said she was planning on spending the rest of her life with me and that if we ever broke up she would never want another guy. I know we moved kind of fast, but at the time it seemed so natural because we were insanely attracted to eachother. We fought alot, Id said once a week, but I we always made up and we were happy again. She said she hated fighting with me, which is the reason she broke up--she said she was to burnt out.
Right after she broke up with me she calls me, and says that she is afraid she is going to lose me forever, and asks that if she wants to hangout can we still? Being stubborn, I rely I dont know if we can, we will see. But about two hours later, it sunk in and i called her back crying and begging. She didnt have any of it, and she said im sorry I cant do this right now. Anyways two days after I show up to her dance competition with flowers and basically apologized for everything. I apologized for all the fights yet she still said she cant do this.
She texted me the very next day saying she got into a car crash but shes not fine and not to worry. I said im so sorry do you want me to come get you and she said no. I also asked her if she still loves me and she said she does but dont get your hopes up because she doesnt want to hurt me. She said if she ever wants this relationship again she will come to me. Im so worried that she will find somebody else in the next month because she has done that in the past with her relationship lasting more than a year. I was not the rebound relationship but Im just afraid she will be with another guy, because she is a very desirable woman. She also is having troubles with her family, as her father is divorcing her mother. Is there still hope?
Yes there's hope. Give no contact a try. And when you contact her, don't show any signs of neediness.
Yes there's hope. Give no contact a try. And when you contact her, don't show any signs of neediness.
Good articles here. I initiated a breakup and I am having a tough time with it. My ex is committed to seeing it through reminding me that I was the one who did it.
We were together for about 9 months, and it was great! Then, one night I took her to an alumni event and she started saying things like, she's a trophy, blah blah. I was shocked! From that point, I felt peace between us.
There is no doubt I put expectations on the relationship and when her behaviors didn't match up, I over analyzed and thought things were going south. I broke it off, as I was scared to keep falling for her.
Anyway, I have just entered no contact, the break up was about a month ago. I am going to sit back for a bit.
I do want her back, but she seems gone. She did agree to come see my new house when she returns from a vacation with their friends. I was going to leave her promise I alone and see of she follows up.
Thoughts?
Perhaps you are just feeling like you made a mistake because you are going through the "bargaining phase" of a breakup. Maybe if you do get her back, you'll again feel like it's not worth it. No contact is going to help you make a better decision. So don't rush into reconciliation.
Perhaps you are just feeling like you made a mistake because you are going through the "bargaining phase" of a breakup. Maybe if you do get her back, you'll again feel like it's not worth it. No contact is going to help you make a better decision. So don't rush into reconciliation.
me and my bf broke up 2 weeks ago and today we would of made 4 months but we been through alot in the past and i kinda made a lot of mistakes like yelling/cursing at his crush through facebook and i know it isnt healthy to stalk him also texting him alot but i did till i stopped i apologize to him and his crush and coping since i started reading your articles which helped me alot but he now likes his crush who happened to be his bestfriend i started the no contact rule but till he wrote to me two days ago including today and he says he isnt dating her yet i asked him to be his friend maybe he'll see that im there and might like me again but he says he dosent cause he dosent want his crush talking to other guys so he doing the same of him not talking to other girls yet he the one texting me now also we have been talking better than as he did before of being the doormat(me) in the situation. will i ever have a chance with him again?;/
Tell him that you need time and space and that he shouldn't contact you for a while. If you continue contact with him right now, he'll try to keep you on the side while he starts dating his crush.
Tell him that you need time and space and that he shouldn't contact you for a while. If you continue contact with him right now, he'll try to keep you on the side while he starts dating his crush.
my situation is complicated,i have been together with him for 6 years,so he decided date someone else without me knowing,as we us women we like to dig information,i started asking him questions....so he decided he will continue dating her.
I really love this man, but i don't understand sometimes he will ask me to go for movies. He says he loves me but he dates someone else.
So he cheated on you. Stop talking to him for 2 months and think real hard if you want to be with someone who cheated on you.
So he cheated on you. Stop talking to him for 2 months and think real hard if you want to be with someone who cheated on you.
I'm trying to figure out if I have a chance left, he has started dating someone new, blocked me from Facebook. It has already been 30 days no contact. He will respond to my texts but nothing more, he shows a lot of indifference towards me--no emotion at all.
Hey Angela,
Him being cold and indifferent is a sign that he doesn't care about you enough and has probably lost feelings for you. There is also a chance he just needs more space and time before he can even consider speaking to you as a friend again.
The best thing to do here is to do no contact for another 60 days. If you still want him back after that, reach out to him.
hey kevin,my ex and me has broke up for 3 months..
when i ask him to be back with me.. he says no, hes happier without me.. but then, when his mom talk about me with him he says that he feels like he dont click because we used to have a lot if fight.. but im willing to change, i seriously love him.. but then, from his mom story when she ask about me hes like being quiet and seems sad.. what should i do..
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
hey kevin,my ex and me has broke up for 3 months..
when i ask him to be back with me.. he says no, hes happier without me.. but then, when his mom talk about me with him he says that he feels like he dont click because we used to have a lot if fight.. but im willing to change, i seriously love him.. but then, from his mom story when she ask about me hes like being quiet and seems sad.. what should i do..
hey kevin,my ex and me has broke up for 3 months..
when i ask him to be back with me.. he says no, hes happier without me.. but then, when his mom talk about me with him he says that he feels like he dont click because we used to have a lot if fight.. but im willing to change, i seriously love him.. but then, from his mom story when she ask about me hes like being quiet and seems sad.. what should i do..
Hey Angela,
Him being cold and indifferent is a sign that he doesn't care about you enough and has probably lost feelings for you. There is also a chance he just needs more space and time before he can even consider speaking to you as a friend again.
The best thing to do here is to do no contact for another 60 days. If you still want him back after that, reach out to him.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my boy been together for almost a year. we didn't any problem but his family doesn't like me. and he is to close to his family. it's been 2 months he is always stress and stop seeing me. Hes saying just move one with your life but I know he love me too.
I was following every step for 3 weeks and it was working but unfortunately, last Saturday it was our anniversary so i send him chocolates box and his brother got that box and he got angry again. I asked him to see me so we can talk but he said he will never see me. what should i do?
Start all over again. This time, send him the letter.
Start all over again. This time, send him the letter.
hey,
my ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 and 1/2 months ago.. we dated for almost 2 and 1/2 years and are practically the same person. he ended it because he said he was not happy anymore and that he could not love me the way that i loved him.. we both had rough semesters leading up to the break up and also started talking about the future. i think he freaked out. this was both of ours first serious long term relationship. and we were crazy about each other. i have not talked to him for nearly 2 months because he said he needed space to find himself again. he had been feeling like he was falling out of love for about 2-3 months pre-breakup, but never mentioned it to me.. in fact, he started to become an unreal boyfriend in this time (not saying he was terrible before.. he was terrific) so i would not suspect he was losing feelings. he tried really hard on his own to stay in it. he said breaking up with me was the hardest thing he has ever done... and that he was hurting. we go to school together so i have to see him nearly every day so it is hard on me. i love him very much, he was my best friend. we had communication issues, but besides that, we fit like a glove. i always tried to work on our communication but he couldnt over come vulnerability and opening up. what do you think, do we have a chance, or should i let him go?
Well, you do have a chance, but still I'd recommend you let him go. At least for the time being. If it's meant to be, you'll get back together in the future. Since you are young and this was your first relationship, I think it's better if you branch out and see what else is out there.
Well, you do have a chance, but still I'd recommend you let him go. At least for the time being. If it's meant to be, you'll get back together in the future. Since you are young and this was your first relationship, I think it's better if you branch out and see what else is out there.
My ex and I haven't talked in just over a year, when all of a sudden she started texting me. We met for lunch the other day and there was a lot of chemistry. I've never loved anyone as much as her, and I would do anything for her.
I know she still loves me, but I don't want to get too excited only to be disappointed. I don't know what to do next, but I still don't initiate communication. I make sure she calls or texts me first. Please give advice. Thanks
Hey Tyler,
I don't think you should worry about who initiates first. I have had clients who regret not initiating when they wanted. If you want to talk to her and she is being warm, initiate texting or call her when you feel like it. Be confident, be honest and don't do anything needy or manipulative that may push her away.
Hey Tyler,
I don't think you should worry about who initiates first. I have had clients who regret not initiating when they wanted. If you want to talk to her and she is being warm, initiate texting or call her when you feel like it. Be confident, be honest and don't do anything needy or manipulative that may push her away.
Hi. I used to be the controller in the relationship.. my bf got tired of me after 3 years and now I'm really really sorry and miserable and I'm willing to change.. the problem is. He won't take me back. He even said that he didnt loved me anymore as a girlfriend but rather as a friend or sister. This is the first time he dumped me and what scares me the most is that he is very happy right now with his friends and school activities.. what if he never comes back because life with me was hell. No matter how hard I try to tell him that I'm willing to change.. he still won't give me a chance. Please help me. I haven't tried the no contact rule but I'm really afraid that it would only lead him to be happier since I was usually a burden and he has friends and family and so many activities that he's distracted from. I don't think he'll even wonder why Im not contacting him but would rather be thanful that I have agreed to break up.. help. :(
Hi dyne, I found your situation pretty similar to mine, so I wanted to ask you what happened next, did you and your ex get back together? :)
Let him be thankful that you agreed to break up. In fact, it's better if he feels like that the controlling person with whom life was like hell, is in his past. Let him be happy about it being in the past. This is going to work to your advantage. See, even if you convince him to get back right now, he'll regret it and will grow resentful over time. If you try to convince him that you'll change, he'll just feel like you are saying anything to get him back. Instead, start no contact and actually change. Let him think that the old you is in the past and meet him after no contact as the new you. That's the only way to get him back and keep him permanently.
I thought I'm the only one who has the same heartbreak! We're on same boat girl!
Thankyou so much!! Up to now, I haven't actually totally agreed to his decision but I'm quite sure I will have the heart to tell him that I'm letting him do what he wants.. and that I won't chase him anymore if that's what he wants. I'm just really really hopeful that we'd still end up together.
By the way, in the process of the no contact rule..and he texts me or calls me.. should I reply? Or maybe I should wait for atleast another text from him? I actually want him back badly..I know Ican change for the better. I'm just not sure that he's ready yet. I jut hope we'd be in good terms before my birthday.. which is the last day of the next month.. his birthday will be the 4th day after that.
I really really really wish that I can get him back.
I appreciate your fast responses and that ypu actually take time to answer love problems here in the comments section! :) may good karma strike you, Kevin!
I'll recommend that you don't answer his texts. If he keeps on calling or texting you, let him know that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while. This is an important step as it will make him feel like you are no longer needy and it'll show him your ability to change.
I'll recommend that you don't answer his texts. If he keeps on calling or texting you, let him know that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while. This is an important step as it will make him feel like you are no longer needy and it'll show him your ability to change.
I'll recommend that you don't answer his texts. If he keeps on calling or texting you, let him know that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while. This is an important step as it will make him feel like you are no longer needy and it'll show him your ability to change.
I'll recommend that you don't answer his texts. If he keeps on calling or texting you, let him know that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while. This is an important step as it will make him feel like you are no longer needy and it'll show him your ability to change.
I thought I'm the only one who has the same heartbreak! We're on same boat girl!
Thankyou so much!! Up to now, I haven't actually totally agreed to his decision but I'm quite sure I will have the heart to tell him that I'm letting him do what he wants.. and that I won't chase him anymore if that's what he wants. I'm just really really hopeful that we'd still end up together.
By the way, in the process of the no contact rule..and he texts me or calls me.. should I reply? Or maybe I should wait for atleast another text from him? I actually want him back badly..I know Ican change for the better. I'm just not sure that he's ready yet. I jut hope we'd be in good terms before my birthday.. which is the last day of the next month.. his birthday will be the 4th day after that.
I really really really wish that I can get him back.
I appreciate your fast responses and that ypu actually take time to answer love problems here in the comments section! :) may good karma strike you, Kevin!
I thought I'm the only one who has the same heartbreak! We're on same boat girl!
Thankyou so much!! Up to now, I haven't actually totally agreed to his decision but I'm quite sure I will have the heart to tell him that I'm letting him do what he wants.. and that I won't chase him anymore if that's what he wants. I'm just really really hopeful that we'd still end up together.
By the way, in the process of the no contact rule..and he texts me or calls me.. should I reply? Or maybe I should wait for atleast another text from him? I actually want him back badly..I know Ican change for the better. I'm just not sure that he's ready yet. I jut hope we'd be in good terms before my birthday.. which is the last day of the next month.. his birthday will be the 4th day after that.
I really really really wish that I can get him back.
I appreciate your fast responses and that ypu actually take time to answer love problems here in the comments section! :) may good karma strike you, Kevin!
Hi dyne, I found your situation pretty similar to mine, so I wanted to ask you what happened next, did you and your ex get back together? :)
Let him be thankful that you agreed to break up. In fact, it's better if he feels like that the controlling person with whom life was like hell, is in his past. Let him be happy about it being in the past. This is going to work to your advantage. See, even if you convince him to get back right now, he'll regret it and will grow resentful over time. If you try to convince him that you'll change, he'll just feel like you are saying anything to get him back. Instead, start no contact and actually change. Let him think that the old you is in the past and meet him after no contact as the new you. That's the only way to get him back and keep him permanently.
Hey! My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me about 3 weeks ago b/c he said he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and that I start too many fights with him. After a couple weeks of NC, I called him one night and he answered, we talked for over an hour and he told me that he still cares about me, thinks about me, and "stalks my fb" and that when he sees anything about me moving on it hurts him. The next day he sent me a couple snapchats and then came and visited me at work. He gave me a huge hug and we talked casually, then he just grabbed my face and kissed me! We hugged and kissed a few more times (and both agreed it felt good) and made plans to hang out in the next week. When the day came to hang out he cancelled and said it was a bad idea b/c he "has too many feelings" for me and "wants to get over me." I completely screwed up by then sending him like 10 text messages pleading my case, I pretty much embarrassed myself. Then he said the next day that we need to stop talking and move on from each other. I am starting the NC today, but tomorrow is Valentine's Day which KILLS me, I can't stop thinking about him and how much fun he is having with friends, without me :'-( Is there hope for us???
Hey Kevin,
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up one year ago after dating for three years, but continued to see each other and be friends with benefits for the next year after that…I made the mistake of being dependent on him and showing that I still really liked him, wanted him, etc. He essentially was able to date other girls but also have me on the side whenever he wanted which was a big mistake on my part. I hooked up with other guys too, but it was clear to both of us that I mainly wanted him. A week ago he decided to dump me for good but he was sad about doing it and said he didn’t want to see me go, that I was a good person and deserved better than him because recently he's treated me badly, won't return my calls, ignore my pleas to get back together, he doesn't want a relationship because we're in college and he wants to branch out but I do want a relationship, etc. He said he still wants to see me but we shouldn't hook up anymore and shouldn't date...
I know he's right that we need to branch out and see what else is out there (we were each other's first everything) but I want to get back together with him eventually...
I’ve been in No Contact with him for 9 days now. What do you suggest for getting an ex back who I was friends with benefits with for a whole year after the first break up? Since sleeping with an ex/letting him have you on the side is such a bad thing to do?
Please help!
Hey Casey,
Yes, it was a mistake to let him sleep with you for an entire year. But the plan for you remains the same. Except, I'll recommend you actually branch out and start dating. Keep no contact for a while, and if you think you are ready for it, start a relationship with someone else. If after dating other guys and being in a relationship with someone else, you still want to get back with him, then you can contact him and see if he's interested.
I'm just nervous that while I date someone else he'll get angry, date someone else as well, and then he'll move on...I couldn't stand that. How can I prevent that from happening?
If he starts a relationship with someone just because of anger, that relationship will end soon.
If he starts a relationship with someone just because of anger, that relationship will end soon.
If he starts a relationship with someone just because of anger, that relationship will end soon.
If he starts a relationship with someone just because of anger, that relationship will end soon.
I'm just nervous that while I date someone else he'll get angry, date someone else as well, and then he'll move on...I couldn't stand that. How can I prevent that from happening?
I'm just nervous that while I date someone else he'll get angry, date someone else as well, and then he'll move on...I couldn't stand that. How can I prevent that from happening?
Hey Casey,
Yes, it was a mistake to let him sleep with you for an entire year. But the plan for you remains the same. Except, I'll recommend you actually branch out and start dating. Keep no contact for a while, and if you think you are ready for it, start a relationship with someone else. If after dating other guys and being in a relationship with someone else, you still want to get back with him, then you can contact him and see if he's interested.
Hi Kevin i subscribed To your mails..but my problem is quite different ..i broke up with my girlfriend because i thought i love another girl (but it was a rebound) and i wont be able To love my girlfriend but after 7 months i felt like i love her i want To be with her Because living with her is like heaven she was the sweetest girl i love her but when i asked her To be Together she Told me that she moved on she doesn't feel anything therefore i Did all d above mentioned mistakes in fact i wrote a letter with blood To her To get back with her but still she doesn't feel anything Sometimes she says she needs time even To make me friend..What should i do? Should i follow NC rule? Or i should try To contact her?we've been in a serious relationshIp for 2 years ..is it possible that we'll be Together? ? What should i do? will she ever come back or she Has really moved on?
Jesus Man. What made you think writing a letter in blood was a good idea? You really should follow the NC rule. Don't try to contact her for at least 60 days. And for God's sake don't every do anything so stupid again. You might think that's a romantic thing to do, but for everyone else (including your ex) it's borderline crazy and extremely needy.
Jesus Man. What made you think writing a letter in blood was a good idea? You really should follow the NC rule. Don't try to contact her for at least 60 days. And for God's sake don't every do anything so stupid again. You might think that's a romantic thing to do, but for everyone else (including your ex) it's borderline crazy and extremely needy.
Hello Kevin, I'm very glad I found this article. My ex broke up with me because I got upset easily, I got mad at him quite often, well, in his point of view. He said he's no longer feel comfortable whenever I was around. I want to have no contact with him, but I'm afraid he won't miss me :( actually I want more than 30 days of no contact, but the next 30 days after we broke up is exactly his birthday, I want to give him something, is this ok? Or should I just text him a happy birthday? Please answer, and excuse my English. Your article delighted my day :)
No, don't give him any gifts. It's needy. Just send him a happy birthday text. But I'll recommend you wait another week after the Happy Birthday text before contacting him again.
No, don't give him any gifts. It's needy. Just send him a happy birthday text. But I'll recommend you wait another week after the Happy Birthday text before contacting him again.
Thanks for all the sound advice. My bf of 6 years recently broke up with me and felt so blindsided by it. He said he had been unhappy for the last few months of our relationship and felt tied down to me. He said he wanted to be single and experience new people. He said he would always love me but he couldn't make our relationship work because it was too much work and felt like we couldn't fix anything. He also confessed that he took up some bad habits and kept a little bit of a secret life from me. I begged him like an idiot to reconsider and that I would accept him as is or we could start a new relationship with our new selves. I also texted him the night of our breakup about 7 hours after he did it to telling him we could start over, etc. He has yet to respond. I know he needs space to think everything through. But I fear I will retain some hope will work everything out and it doesn't happen. I don't know how to let go of someone who I have been with for that period of time.
You need to give him space. Start no contact. That's your best option right now.
You need to give him space. Start no contact. That's your best option right now.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up a year and a half ago after a 2year relationship. We had a great and fun chemistry but I wound up pregnant and he was simply not ready for a baby. After deciding to keep our child, he became distant almost overnight. However, we remained cordial and sometimes sexual over the course of the year and a half breakup. About 4 months ago I decided to no longer be sexual with him as I assumed he was also sleeping with other women.
Although, he is now seeing someone else, he seems to continue to flirt with me. He calls me at 2am just to "check up on our daughter" and when he comes over he flirtatiously throws baby toys at me. Also, when he calls he sometimes starts random conversation that does not involve our child. Furthermore, when he felt that I was seeing someone else, he kept asking how my dating life was going and if I had a valentine. Meanwhile he is still seeing someone else. I just feel like he is giving me a lot of mixed signals. He seems to still have feelings for me but he is bitter and resentful towards me for keeping my baby. I still love him an would love for us to be a family but no matter what I do it does not seem to work. I do not call or text him, I make sure to have a positive attitude when we are around each other, I make sure I smell and look nice, but we are still apart. What would you recommend?
Hey Jessica,
I'll recommend keep doing what you are doing. If possible, start dating. If he wants to be in your life, he'll want to get back together. If not, he'll let you go. I would recommend no contact for a while before you start dating. I know you don't call him, but you also need to stop answering his calls. I assume he doesn't want to be a part of the baby's life. If he does, only contact him when it's related to the baby. Don't talk to him about anything personal and don't flirt with him.
Hey Jessica,
I'll recommend keep doing what you are doing. If possible, start dating. If he wants to be in your life, he'll want to get back together. If not, he'll let you go. I would recommend no contact for a while before you start dating. I know you don't call him, but you also need to stop answering his calls. I assume he doesn't want to be a part of the baby's life. If he does, only contact him when it's related to the baby. Don't talk to him about anything personal and don't flirt with him.
Thank you for being here Kevin, I'm glad I've come across your site , my situation in short is my ex and I met in recovery from alcohol a lil over 3 yrs ago , whilst my ex is very passive avoiding any confrontation or honesty about his feelings I'm very passionate like to find solutions and talk through things , this in itself made for a difficult time in communicating, this became apparent early days and only being in recovery for a short while I doubted whether the timing was right for us and tried to break it off on several occasions for the first year , to which my ex would go off isolate and drink I would then rescue him because in my heart I was sure I cared and loved him he would promise things would change that he wouldn't shut down and speak more about his feelings , constantly in his head and problems with bringing his son into our home because of his behaviour and my partners lack of setting boundaries for his son or being consistent (feeling guilty) it all got quite nasty and although we was living together , he would walk out every month regardless of how that left me and my daughter who called him dad by the end .... I felt he stopped trying when his mum passed sick of the relationship going round in circles I know for me the last 9 months was spent for me with mental exhaustion and depression is tried everything and it was going from bad to worse, I've had a lot of health issues also Over that 3 yrs of being together a full hysterectomy and back probs that due to be operated on .. My ex left 6 months ago after I asked him too because his hole attitude and personality changed he was abusive unloving and uncaring in the end which wasn't what he was like when I first met him , he left me and my daughter and only texted a curtasy txt every other week ... I was soooo hurt , and only replied on a ' I'm ok thank you I hope alls good with you ' eventually the txts stopped a few weeks ago .... Before now if we split he would do all the above.. beg, call, turn up shaking crying saying things like' I can be the man you need please take me back I loved him and was desperate for it to work so would try again , this time is very different , he has stopped all contact , I've txt a couple of times regarding stuff that needs to be sorted and he has been very short in his replies .... To the point where I asked him if he wanted me to not contact him on any level in any capacity ? and he said ...'he wanted it left here now ' .... I am by no means suggesting this is all down to him I'm aware it takes two ... And it's been hard work!!! I miss his being so much, I sent a txt today simply saying I miss you and had no reply ... Do you think the N/C rule could apply here??? Or do you think he is moving on and I should do the same ?? I've never known him to be so staunch!!! mad , as he couldn't apply this to other people (which caused us to fall out on many occasions) but seems to be managing to be staunch with me to the point I think he must really hate me ... Not a nice feeling ..
Thank you for taking the time to read my war and piece ... And that was in short :-O lol x
I forgot to mention that when my ex's mum passed away he inherited a lot of money .... Before that he was in debt when I met him and I helped him manage his outgoing and he got himself straight ... As soon as his inheritance came through whilst on one of his walking out times he bout himself a big house with it for him and his son , I was so upset he'd take such a drastic move without telling me , he said he'd bought it as a distraction ... X
Hey Stacey,
Compared to some of the comments and emails I get, this is "Animal Farm". :)
Anyways, it's hard to say where he is at life. It could be he is going through a hard time and or it could be that he is thinking about moving on. Whatever it is, you can't really do anything about it. I think no contact can only do you good. Give him the space and time and after then contact him. You'll be the one who will have to make all the moves. If he still seems cold after that, you should move on.
Thank you for your reply Kevin , doesn't sound promising does it !!! I'm not familiar with the phrase
'Animal farm' what does it mean ???? X
It's a book by George Orwell. Read it, it's good. :)
Hi ya Kevin, just an update, I heard from my ex yesterday txting "r u alright" I havnt returned a txt and just checking that the no contact rule applies ??? It's so mad , since I've found your website I've been making some small progress with accepting what is and already started putting some work in on myself , my health and getting out and about not isolating as much and making a more concious effort yo take care of myself and be gentle with and on myself , I'm so grateful for all your suggestions!!! def a push in the right direction me thinx
Yes, the no contact rule applies. If he keeps on contacting you, send him text asking for some time and space. All the best.
Yes, the no contact rule applies. If he keeps on contacting you, send him text asking for some time and space. All the best.
Yes, the no contact rule applies. If he keeps on contacting you, send him text asking for some time and space. All the best.
Yes, the no contact rule applies. If he keeps on contacting you, send him text asking for some time and space. All the best.
Yes, the no contact rule applies. If he keeps on contacting you, send him text asking for some time and space. All the best.
Yes, the no contact rule applies. If he keeps on contacting you, send him text asking for some time and space. All the best.
Hi ya Kevin, just an update, I heard from my ex yesterday txting "r u alright" I havnt returned a txt and just checking that the no contact rule applies ??? It's so mad , since I've found your website I've been making some small progress with accepting what is and already started putting some work in on myself , my health and getting out and about not isolating as much and making a more concious effort yo take care of myself and be gentle with and on myself , I'm so grateful for all your suggestions!!! def a push in the right direction me thinx
Hi ya Kevin, just an update, I heard from my ex yesterday txting "r u alright" I havnt returned a txt and just checking that the no contact rule applies ??? It's so mad , since I've found your website I've been making some small progress with accepting what is and already started putting some work in on myself , my health and getting out and about not isolating as much and making a more concious effort yo take care of myself and be gentle with and on myself , I'm so grateful for all your suggestions!!! def a push in the right direction me thinx
Hi ya Kevin, just an update, I heard from my ex yesterday txting "r u alright" I havnt returned a txt and just checking that the no contact rule applies ??? It's so mad , since I've found your website I've been making some small progress with accepting what is and already started putting some work in on myself , my health and getting out and about not isolating as much and making a more concious effort yo take care of myself and be gentle with and on myself , I'm so grateful for all your suggestions!!! def a push in the right direction me thinx
Hi ya Kevin, just an update, I heard from my ex yesterday txting "r u alright" I havnt returned a txt and just checking that the no contact rule applies ??? It's so mad , since I've found your website I've been making some small progress with accepting what is and already started putting some work in on myself , my health and getting out and about not isolating as much and making a more concious effort yo take care of myself and be gentle with and on myself , I'm so grateful for all your suggestions!!! def a push in the right direction me thinx
It's a book by George Orwell. Read it, it's good. :)
It's a book by George Orwell. Read it, it's good. :)
It's a book by George Orwell. Read it, it's good. :)
Thank you for your reply Kevin , doesn't sound promising does it !!! I'm not familiar with the phrase
'Animal farm' what does it mean ???? X
Thank you for your reply Kevin , doesn't sound promising does it !!! I'm not familiar with the phrase
'Animal farm' what does it mean ???? X
Hey Stacey,
Compared to some of the comments and emails I get, this is "Animal Farm". :)
Anyways, it's hard to say where he is at life. It could be he is going through a hard time and or it could be that he is thinking about moving on. Whatever it is, you can't really do anything about it. I think no contact can only do you good. Give him the space and time and after then contact him. You'll be the one who will have to make all the moves. If he still seems cold after that, you should move on.
I started dating a guy I know quite recently after he's tried for years to be more. Well, I finally let him take me out and have ended up really really liking him. We live 2 hours apart (a long distance relationship) so never get to see a lot of each other, however whenever we both could we'd see each other for a few days at a time and I'd say it was perfect. No neediness, 100% trust, consistency, he was a million percent attentive. Well we dated for 4 months and would talk all day everyday via text and were like love sick puppies when apart. Until one day he just went cold. I obviously was shocked as we are both normally so full on I went a bit needy and questioned why he was being off and what we were etc. In which he said VIA TEXT he's not ready for a serious relationship, his work has to come first, and his ex gf (from over a year ago) affected his work and he wasn't prepared to let that happen again when work has to be number one. I am truly gutted and can't understand how he could go from full on to cold overnight. He said he wants to be friends yet ignored my last two messages so hardly being a friend...he'd usually responds immediately. He is still viewing my snapchat stories and still follows me on twitter....it's like he doesn't want me but is still nosing on what I'm up to. I haven't spoke to him in 6 days and am trying to keep myself busy. What are the chances the NCR will work when he's said work has to come first and he lives away? Can I change his mind?
The chances of NC working in your case are pretty good. He's afraid of commitment and the fact that the relationship was becoming too serious. During no contact, he'll probably start missing you and realize that he ended a good relationship simply because of his irrational fear. You just need to make sure that you don't turn his irrational fears into legitimate reasons. Don't be needy at all when you contact him after NC.
The chances of NC working in your case are pretty good. He's afraid of commitment and the fact that the relationship was becoming too serious. During no contact, he'll probably start missing you and realize that he ended a good relationship simply because of his irrational fear. You just need to make sure that you don't turn his irrational fears into legitimate reasons. Don't be needy at all when you contact him after NC.
Hi Kevin
What a great website. I met a man on the internet, first time in my life I can say I have fallen in love hook line and sinker. I moved my entire life and daughter to a new town, new job, new school and moved in with him 6 hours away from my family and friends. We are both from different upbringings, mine being more fortunate. None of that mattered we were in love. However issues arose when it came to family and outside interference, an ex girlfriend who he had a daughter with and another teenage daughter from a young relationship. Having moved my entire life to be with him, whenever we had family issues, or outside interference as I call it, he always chose to back the other side totally undermining me in front of them. I couldn’t ever seem to get him to understand that “We” come first as we were the providers for the family.
After several months the chaos and constant interference and commune approach to life drove me away. I absolutely love him to bits but the only way for my sanity was to leave and set up a home with my child in a new town. I keep thinking if only he could see where the issues were, though I am pretty sure he knows deep down.
I do get random texts saying I miss you, I dreamt about you, I have he has the most amazing happy memories of us, to it was the most miserable time of his life etc but todate he has refused to even meet up with me and prefers just messaging.
Firstly I keep thinking I should have followed the girls bible “he’s just not that into you” as I made the big move and followed him. However I am just wondering what your take is on this. I know I love him, I know he loves me but he prefers to live in the past with his ex and daughters. Is it worth me even applying the 30 day. We didn't split because we fell out of love we split because the home dynamics were not working. I am a strong level headed woman but he really was/is the one but I’m not sure he wants to be happy as to date the communication has been all over the place. This biggest problem for me is love him but I do know I cannot live with his eldest daughter as she is a piece of work, with language and morals I have never witnessed in my life, the ultimate reason for me leaving was I realised as a mother could not expose my child to that kind of behaviour.
I know this comes across as an abusive relationship and in all reality its probably true, All I know is that time on our own was unbelievable when the interference was no where to be seen. Am I just a stupid woman thinking that love is possible in this situation and should I invest the time?
Suggestions and thoughts much appreciated.
Hey Nicky,
How can he be the one if you two can't live in the same house without creating chaos. Isn't the one supposed to be enough compatible with you that you can live together forever? I think 30 days is going to do you good. At least, during the no contact period, you can figure out whether or not having him back in your life is the right thing to do.
Hi Kevin
Yep, logic tells me that's correct, I guess the chaos always came from his side of the fence, like his daughter posting on FB to 1400 of her friends nasty comments about me and the ex being in our house when I get home from work asking me how my day was?! He couldn't seem to understand why I was not happy with that arrangement and said I was overreacting as he loved me!
Still getting the miss you love you texts and sad pictures of his younger daughter with stitches in her leg from an accident at the weekend. Have ignored them all. Tough though!
Hi Kevin
Yep, logic tells me that's correct, I guess the chaos always came from his side of the fence, like his daughter posting on FB to 1400 of her friends nasty comments about me and the ex being in our house when I get home from work asking me how my day was?! He couldn't seem to understand why I was not happy with that arrangement and said I was overreacting as he loved me!
Still getting the miss you love you texts and sad pictures of his younger daughter with stitches in her leg from an accident at the weekend. Have ignored them all. Tough though!
Hi Kevin
Yep, logic tells me that's correct, I guess the chaos always came from his side of the fence, like his daughter posting on FB to 1400 of her friends nasty comments about me and the ex being in our house when I get home from work asking me how my day was?! He couldn't seem to understand why I was not happy with that arrangement and said I was overreacting as he loved me!
Still getting the miss you love you texts and sad pictures of his younger daughter with stitches in her leg from an accident at the weekend. Have ignored them all. Tough though!
Hey Nicky,
How can he be the one if you two can't live in the same house without creating chaos. Isn't the one supposed to be enough compatible with you that you can live together forever? I think 30 days is going to do you good. At least, during the no contact period, you can figure out whether or not having him back in your life is the right thing to do.
Hi Kevin,
Need your help man I only just found this page. I love my ex so much we broke up two weeks ago, I thought she was cheating blew up we had an argument. And she said that we've grown apart and have been for months and that she doesn't love me the way I love her. Is that even a valid reason? Anyway I did everything you shouldn't then took advice of a friend who said to ignore her. Which I did all of two days. The valentines came and I wished her a happy valentines and got a response. Then I asked her to lunch if she wasn't with any1 else and she got angry and said it hurt that I would think she was with any1 else yet. Can I still applie the no contact rule and how do I go about it when I work with her every weekend and her birthday is a month today
Thanks
Jacob
Yes you should apply no contact.Whenever you see her at work, treat her like a colleague you are in good terms with. Don't talk about anything personal.
Yes you should apply no contact.Whenever you see her at work, treat her like a colleague you are in good terms with. Don't talk about anything personal.
Hello Kevin
my ex and I broke up two days ago, he said he felt no longer comfortable with me because I got upset easily. Comfort is what matters the most for him in a relationship. He's currently doing an undergraduate thesis, and I'm afraid because of his business he won't miss me :(
I also followed your NC rule, but it's still been 2 days.
However he updated a status that he thanked God that he's ever been with me.
Is this another sign of a chance that I can take him back?
Or he just tried to be just friends with me by saying good things?
Please answer I literally want my ex back with me :( thank you so much
His status message is a sign that he misses you. In most cases, being busy doesn't stop people from missing an ex. Especially when it's so soon after a breakup.
However, it doesn't necessarily mean you can or you should try to get back together. I recommend you continue no contact for a few weeks and really contemplate if you should get back together.
His status message is a sign that he misses you. In most cases, being busy doesn't stop people from missing an ex. Especially when it's so soon after a breakup.
However, it doesn't necessarily mean you can or you should try to get back together. I recommend you continue no contact for a few weeks and really contemplate if you should get back together.
Hey Kevin,
I told him I won't ask you to see me if you don't want to see me. And I stop contacting him from yesterday. Is there any hope? As I told you he do whatever his family want and his family doesn't want him to marry me :(
You have a chance. But if he is never going to marry you, why bother? Wouldn't it be better for you to move on?
You have a chance. But if he is never going to marry you, why bother? Wouldn't it be better for you to move on?
Hi Kevin, my bf and I broke up about 36 days ago and the NC only started 26 days ago. Although I no longer grieve and am no longer thinking about the insecurity that I will get if he got back with me, I am feeling rather excited that the NC is about to be over! The NC period made me realized that while it's true that I don't need my bf to be happy, I find that he's someone I want to share my happiness with. I tried keeping myself busy working, exercising etc, but now that the NC period is about to be over, I find myself thinking about him a lot lately, thinking about the happy times we used to spend with each other etc. I wish he is the same too but am unsure since we haven spoke 1 to 1 for so long. And because I am excited about lifting the NC, I don't know if I am truly ready to speak to him as a friend and start over or is it because I have yet to let go of the old relationship? Is it normal for me to feel this way?
Different people have different feelings at the end of NC. Some feel so relieved that they hesitate starting contact again and keep on delaying it for one more week. Others are miserable throughout NC and even at the end of it. These type of people are still needy and insecure at the end of NC and they end up screwing it up. The way you are feeling is also quite common. This means you are genuinely excited to have him in your life again and at the same time you know that you don't need him to be happy. IMO, you are ready to speak to him.
Different people have different feelings at the end of NC. Some feel so relieved that they hesitate starting contact again and keep on delaying it for one more week. Others are miserable throughout NC and even at the end of it. These type of people are still needy and insecure at the end of NC and they end up screwing it up. The way you are feeling is also quite common. This means you are genuinely excited to have him in your life again and at the same time you know that you don't need him to be happy. IMO, you are ready to speak to him.
My ex just broke up with me days ago.
He said he fall for others fall me to leave and yet we are now like texting , but he kept reminding me that he don't wish to give me false hope .
But he don't dare to meet me , he don't wish to see me directly eye to eye.
What can I do ? I feel that he still love but he say that we will never ever be getting back anymore.
Did you apply No contact?
Did you apply No contact?
Hi there I was wondering if u could help me I broke up with my ex bf five month ago we did a bit of time no contact he recently found me on kik started talking me talked about meeting up I said okay to talk nothing else so I met him and he had that look in his eye I told him iv changed and he's happy about that cos I'm no longer the bitch I used to be. He told me he wanted to talk about getting bk together and I messaged his gf and he text me saying plan failed love then instead of blocking me on kik he deleted his account what should I do this guy is the love of my life and I will in a way do what it takes to get him back.
I don't understand, you messaged his gf? Why did you do that?
Hi Kevin,
I've meet my ex today..But the first time I've meet him he showed me so much affection but I know it's not for sex..
He said to Me I love you and he misses me so much..
And I meet him today.he keep staring at me.all the time..But sad to say his phone ring and somebody call her it was a girl.
He put it on the table and I saw the name it was Jen my love..
I feel too much pain.But ibhave to be strong ..
So I ask him.I know you have a new girlfriend already and keep denying it.so I said its Okey you don't need to hide from me.
He answer is he denied and later accept.But he explain.he said when we were together I didn't cheat you only the time when we break up ..
He lost interest in me on January 1 and. He make relationship on January 6..
I love him so much but why it's so fast for him to replace me.he said he is leaving and going back to his country on March 26.and I said to him.it's better for us not to see each other again.as you have your gf and I don't like this kind of situation.and he said even for the last time I said no.this will be the last time we will see each other..
Why like this?he has a new gf but still making contact with Me and he is not even proud of her new gf.if he is why he keep denying..I said I am happy for you though it hurts Me so much
I love him so much but what should I do?
Should I go back to no contact rule?or just I will forget him.
I try to entertain another suitor but so hard for me.like I wanna be fair.I will entertain when I'm already over with my ex..
Please tell me what to do..
I send him message today.I told him.(Thanks for the time you spend with me and Nivel.I really appreciate it..I know you are happy with your new life now..
And thank you so much
for the good memories that we had..goodbye Frank all I want is you to be happy!!and
I'm sorry.sorry for things I
have done before!!I love you for the last time and
goodbye!I know it's best for
us!!!I hope to see u happy
with her
Hey,
Like I said in this article, it's probably a rebound relationship. You need to apply the NC rule.
Hey,
Like I said in this article, it's probably a rebound relationship. You need to apply the NC rule.
Hey,
Like I said in this article, it's probably a rebound relationship. You need to apply the NC rule.
Hey,
Like I said in this article, it's probably a rebound relationship. You need to apply the NC rule.
Hey,
Like I said in this article, it's probably a rebound relationship. You need to apply the NC rule.
I send him message today.I told him.(Thanks for the time you spend with me and Nivel.I really appreciate it..I know you are happy with your new life now..
And thank you so much
for the good memories that we had..goodbye Frank all I want is you to be happy!!and
I'm sorry.sorry for things I
have done before!!I love you for the last time and
goodbye!I know it's best for
us!!!I hope to see u happy
with her
I send him message today.I told him.(Thanks for the time you spend with me and Nivel.I really appreciate it..I know you are happy with your new life now..
And thank you so much
for the good memories that we had..goodbye Frank all I want is you to be happy!!and
I'm sorry.sorry for things I
have done before!!I love you for the last time and
goodbye!I know it's best for
us!!!I hope to see u happy
with her
I send him message today.I told him.(Thanks for the time you spend with me and Nivel.I really appreciate it..I know you are happy with your new life now..
And thank you so much
for the good memories that we had..goodbye Frank all I want is you to be happy!!and
I'm sorry.sorry for things I
have done before!!I love you for the last time and
goodbye!I know it's best for
us!!!I hope to see u happy
with her
Hi Kevin,
I've meet my ex today..But the first time I've meet him he showed me so much affection but I know it's not for sex..
He said to Me I love you and he misses me so much..
And I meet him today.he keep staring at me.all the time..But sad to say his phone ring and somebody call her it was a girl.
He put it on the table and I saw the name it was Jen my love..
I feel too much pain.But ibhave to be strong ..
So I ask him.I know you have a new girlfriend already and keep denying it.so I said its Okey you don't need to hide from me.
He answer is he denied and later accept.But he explain.he said when we were together I didn't cheat you only the time when we break up ..
He lost interest in me on January 1 and. He make relationship on January 6..
I love him so much but why it's so fast for him to replace me.he said he is leaving and going back to his country on March 26.and I said to him.it's better for us not to see each other again.as you have your gf and I don't like this kind of situation.and he said even for the last time I said no.this will be the last time we will see each other..
Why like this?he has a new gf but still making contact with Me and he is not even proud of her new gf.if he is why he keep denying..I said I am happy for you though it hurts Me so much
I love him so much but what should I do?
Should I go back to no contact rule?or just I will forget him.
I try to entertain another suitor but so hard for me.like I wanna be fair.I will entertain when I'm already over with my ex..
Please tell me what to do..
Hi Kevin,
I've meet my ex today..But the first time I've meet him he showed me so much affection but I know it's not for sex..
He said to Me I love you and he misses me so much..
And I meet him today.he keep staring at me.all the time..But sad to say his phone ring and somebody call her it was a girl.
He put it on the table and I saw the name it was Jen my love..
I feel too much pain.But ibhave to be strong ..
So I ask him.I know you have a new girlfriend already and keep denying it.so I said its Okey you don't need to hide from me.
He answer is he denied and later accept.But he explain.he said when we were together I didn't cheat you only the time when we break up ..
He lost interest in me on January 1 and. He make relationship on January 6..
I love him so much but why it's so fast for him to replace me.he said he is leaving and going back to his country on March 26.and I said to him.it's better for us not to see each other again.as you have your gf and I don't like this kind of situation.and he said even for the last time I said no.this will be the last time we will see each other..
Why like this?he has a new gf but still making contact with Me and he is not even proud of her new gf.if he is why he keep denying..I said I am happy for you though it hurts Me so much
I love him so much but what should I do?
Should I go back to no contact rule?or just I will forget him.
I try to entertain another suitor but so hard for me.like I wanna be fair.I will entertain when I'm already over with my ex..
Please tell me what to do..
I don't understand, you messaged his gf? Why did you do that?
Hi, Kevin.
I was in a relationship for 5.5 years. High school sweethearts, living together, thought he was the one. It ended very abruptly in October. Less than a week after telling me he was moving out, she posted that they were in a relationship and he lied to me about it (he later blocked me from her facebook so I couldn't find out information he didn't want me to know).
Between November and now, I was a crazy psycho ex... I broke all of the rules. :( It was my first break up, and I didn't know any better.
He and his new girlfriend have now been together for three months and already signed a lease together for May.
I've applied no contact for a week. Do I have any chance of getting him back? What do I do?
Yes you do. Continue no contact for a month and then contact him again.
Yes you do. Continue no contact for a month and then contact him again.
We were together for 7 months, every day non stop. nothing else made me happy but to be with him. I am really suffering from our break up. He throw me and my stuff out of his house after an argument. 2 days before he was telling me he was really in love and happy and now he is acting like a stranger. I did text him a few times but he didnt reply. He replied just once. I cant sleep, i dont eat, i am having panic attacks and nothing makes me smile. I have problems at work and i dont know what to do. Why is he acting like this? Dont know what to do. I am very sad and miserable even though i was always a happy and positive person.
we are on same situation. how did you handle this? are you and your bf are still together?
In sorry to hear that El. You will go through this for about 2 to 3 weeks because I went through the same pain you are going through. but just like Kevin's advice, write down your thoughts, talk to a friend and hit the gym. Eat good and try to meditate. You'll feel better again :)
Hey El,
Apply No contact and give him time. You'll start feeling better eventually. All the best!
Thank you Kevin. I have been reading all your advice. I am trying to apply it but its very hard. I am addicted as well since I used to be with him almost 24/7. I will try though. What if he is too selfish to contact me or if he moves on completely after those 30 days and i get disappointed all over again? He is a very selfish person unfortunately. I keep checkin my phone and fb for msgs very 2 minutes. Its pathetic but i cant help it.
Thank you Kevin. I have been reading all your advice. I am trying to apply it but its very hard. I am addicted as well since I used to be with him almost 24/7. I will try though. What if he is too selfish to contact me or if he moves on completely after those 30 days and i get disappointed all over again? He is a very selfish person unfortunately. I keep checkin my phone and fb for msgs very 2 minutes. Its pathetic but i cant help it.
Thank you Kevin. I have been reading all your advice. I am trying to apply it but its very hard. I am addicted as well since I used to be with him almost 24/7. I will try though. What if he is too selfish to contact me or if he moves on completely after those 30 days and i get disappointed all over again? He is a very selfish person unfortunately. I keep checkin my phone and fb for msgs very 2 minutes. Its pathetic but i cant help it.
we are on same situation. how did you handle this? are you and your bf are still together?
In sorry to hear that El. You will go through this for about 2 to 3 weeks because I went through the same pain you are going through. but just like Kevin's advice, write down your thoughts, talk to a friend and hit the gym. Eat good and try to meditate. You'll feel better again :)
Hey El,
Apply No contact and give him time. You'll start feeling better eventually. All the best!
hi Kevin,
I am not sure whether you are still active on this site and reply to comments soon but I shall be waiting for your reply soon as after reading your section I think you can help. I am in immense pain and I really need you to help me.
My situation is such that few years back I was in a abusive alcholic relation and so one day I decided to put my foot down and enter a no contact period till he could respect me but sadly the worst happened. He kept calling and trying to talk to me and then one morning I woke up with the news that he met with an accident and died. It is the most worst shock or punishment God must have given me for entering the no contact period. I felt guilty of not being there for him and till date could never forgive myself. But it seems God punishment for me did not end. Then I met this guy after few years and he was the perfect man for me. We had a great relation and bonded extremely well. And then as if destiny played its role and one day he just decieded to end the relation because his ex walked in to live with him. I was shocked as I was seriously weaving a nest with him. I did all stupid things like begging, callingand messaging a thousand times, sometimes angry, sometimes pleading ....I know it always goes against as he did his best to avoid and unanswer all my calls..I knew he will never value me till I keep hovering around but due to my past experience I could never enter a no contact period, as I never want to lose this man forever.... Yes, but I did try sometimes 30 days, sometimes 45 days..or so and he always would react nicely to me after a gap but again I would become needy and he would go away as he said that he loved me but now he has moved on.....all this kept happeneing for almost 1 year......few days back I requested him to help me buy something and he agreed reluctantly...I was happy that we were meeting after one year,,and then the worst happened..To my surprise he came there with his new girl firend,,it was so painful for me because right infront of my eyes both of them were sharing and talking things which we both used to say and do when together...I was very hurt but I didnt react infront of them...But when I came back home I tore all his cards, decided to throw away all the clothes he gifted me and I blocked him on my fb and in the night I told him so, I even told him that I was hurt that he got her along...To this he replied that she was a simple friend who accompanies him whereever she goes and in such a case he thinks he shouldnt have helped me in the first place....I was too hurt but still till next two days I messaged him that I shall go away from his life now,,but I dont think he must have read my messages as he again started cutting my phone calls.
Kevin, truth is that I love this man a lot. We have shared the best moments together. He must have moved on but I still am there waiting for him to come back. I was too serious for him and wanted to marry him...Despite all I still want to marry him and spend my life loving him,,,I have forgiven his faults..its just that I am so hurt and angry to whatever he has done that I react in pain and anger and he is so blind not to see my love behind it.
Well, now after that I have decided to enter a no contact period for atleast 4 months..I know I have already lost my chance as he has moved on and is very happy with another but please please please tell me is there still a hope. For past one year although he used to enter no contact but off and on he would message me back saying he misses me so I am very confused. Please Kevin I have waited almost a year now in hope but that that day seeing him with another was sooo painful that I almost lost my mind and hope but please please please my love was and is tooooo true and I know I still want to love him forever..what should I do? I think he wont message me now, but what if he does message a casual hi to me in these four months...please guide me as I dont want to loose this man..
Thanks
Hey,
First of all, what happened to your abusive boyfriend is not your fault. It was just a coincidence and not an act of God to punish you. Stop thinking like that because it's simply not true.
This guy seems to still have feelings for you but he is turned off by your needy behavior. It's good that you decided no contact for 4 months. If he contacts, just tell him that you can't contact him for 4 months and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you either. Tell him you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he respects your decision. And then contact him again after 4 months. I wish I can tell you that you have a good chance, but I want you to be prepared for the worst. I want you to accept the possibility that he won't ever get back with you and be prepared for it.
to add to my previous reply , i would like to confess that i have unblocked him on fb today,,although i have not sent him a friend request...and i wont send him a friend request on fb till my no contact period is over that is for sure I think........when last year he broke up with me then at that time also I had un-friended him on fb but after a few days when I resent the request he had accepted....this time I dont intend to send him friend request atleast till few months.....i am trying this time to stay silent and show my absence for atleast 2 months....kevin if he asks me something by msging me in the mean while,,should I reply?? I dont want any misunderstandings between us and I want him to know that although I am silent but I love and wait for him till date...how to do that?
Hi kevin,
Feel kind of stupid because today I sent him around 7 long messages telling him that I was hurt that he got her along that day and that I would have never done that to him...I also told him that I know that he has moved on and I am going to try my best to noot rply to any message and my silence shall speak of my pain...n blah blah...i am not sure if he must have read all messages but I still sent..i feel stupid now as i just broke my no contact in 6 days only but hopefully will start now....i know i blamed him for being rude to me and my emotions ,,n once again screwed my chance....I have previously also done no contact for maximum 45 days but this time i feel so bad that only after 6 days i recontacted him..actually he had sent me one message 4 days after that i told u so i was feeling it so much to respond......but kevin now i know he will know that i can never stick to byes as i always come back........please please please tell me what is the right thing to do now ...i ll try my best to stick to it
The right to do now is to start no contact again. Don't beat yourself for not going through with it this time. It's really hard for many people to go through no contact. This time, concentrate more on yourself and do things to make yourself feel better. Start making some positive changes in your life and try to keep yourself busy. At least for the first two weeks of no contact.
Honestly kk, you seem a bit obsessed (obsessively texting your BF and writing all these comments here) which is not healthy. Kevin told you what to do, but obviously you are not ready/willing to listen. Take a deep breath, sort yourself out and go NC for a few months as he says. If you don't trust him and you are not willing to listen to his advice and make sacrifice then he can't help you. Stay positive, you can do it!
Hey lexy,
Thanks for replying to a comment. God knows I can use some help with so many comments. :) Here's a virtual hug from me for being helpful. :)
Hey lexy,
Thanks for replying to a comment. God knows I can use some help with so many comments. :) Here's a virtual hug from me for being helpful. :)
Hey lexy,
Thanks for replying to a comment. God knows I can use some help with so many comments. :) Here's a virtual hug from me for being helpful. :)
Hey lexy,
Thanks for replying to a comment. God knows I can use some help with so many comments. :) Here's a virtual hug from me for being helpful. :)
Hey lexy,
Thanks for replying to a comment. God knows I can use some help with so many comments. :) Here's a virtual hug from me for being helpful. :)
Hey lexy,
Thanks for replying to a comment. God knows I can use some help with so many comments. :) Here's a virtual hug from me for being helpful. :)
The right to do now is to start no contact again. Don't beat yourself for not going through with it this time. It's really hard for many people to go through no contact. This time, concentrate more on yourself and do things to make yourself feel better. Start making some positive changes in your life and try to keep yourself busy. At least for the first two weeks of no contact.
Honestly kk, you seem a bit obsessed (obsessively texting your BF and writing all these comments here) which is not healthy. Kevin told you what to do, but obviously you are not ready/willing to listen. Take a deep breath, sort yourself out and go NC for a few months as he says. If you don't trust him and you are not willing to listen to his advice and make sacrifice then he can't help you. Stay positive, you can do it!
The right to do now is to start no contact again. Don't beat yourself for not going through with it this time. It's really hard for many people to go through no contact. This time, concentrate more on yourself and do things to make yourself feel better. Start making some positive changes in your life and try to keep yourself busy. At least for the first two weeks of no contact.
Honestly kk, you seem a bit obsessed (obsessively texting your BF and writing all these comments here) which is not healthy. Kevin told you what to do, but obviously you are not ready/willing to listen. Take a deep breath, sort yourself out and go NC for a few months as he says. If you don't trust him and you are not willing to listen to his advice and make sacrifice then he can't help you. Stay positive, you can do it!
The right to do now is to start no contact again. Don't beat yourself for not going through with it this time. It's really hard for many people to go through no contact. This time, concentrate more on yourself and do things to make yourself feel better. Start making some positive changes in your life and try to keep yourself busy. At least for the first two weeks of no contact.
Honestly kk, you seem a bit obsessed (obsessively texting your BF and writing all these comments here) which is not healthy. Kevin told you what to do, but obviously you are not ready/willing to listen. Take a deep breath, sort yourself out and go NC for a few months as he says. If you don't trust him and you are not willing to listen to his advice and make sacrifice then he can't help you. Stay positive, you can do it!
The right to do now is to start no contact again. Don't beat yourself for not going through with it this time. It's really hard for many people to go through no contact. This time, concentrate more on yourself and do things to make yourself feel better. Start making some positive changes in your life and try to keep yourself busy. At least for the first two weeks of no contact.
Honestly kk, you seem a bit obsessed (obsessively texting your BF and writing all these comments here) which is not healthy. Kevin told you what to do, but obviously you are not ready/willing to listen. Take a deep breath, sort yourself out and go NC for a few months as he says. If you don't trust him and you are not willing to listen to his advice and make sacrifice then he can't help you. Stay positive, you can do it!
Hi kevin,
Feel kind of stupid because today I sent him around 7 long messages telling him that I was hurt that he got her along that day and that I would have never done that to him...I also told him that I know that he has moved on and I am going to try my best to noot rply to any message and my silence shall speak of my pain...n blah blah...i am not sure if he must have read all messages but I still sent..i feel stupid now as i just broke my no contact in 6 days only but hopefully will start now....i know i blamed him for being rude to me and my emotions ,,n once again screwed my chance....I have previously also done no contact for maximum 45 days but this time i feel so bad that only after 6 days i recontacted him..actually he had sent me one message 4 days after that i told u so i was feeling it so much to respond......but kevin now i know he will know that i can never stick to byes as i always come back........please please please tell me what is the right thing to do now ...i ll try my best to stick to it
Hi kevin,
Feel kind of stupid because today I sent him around 7 long messages telling him that I was hurt that he got her along that day and that I would have never done that to him...I also told him that I know that he has moved on and I am going to try my best to noot rply to any message and my silence shall speak of my pain...n blah blah...i am not sure if he must have read all messages but I still sent..i feel stupid now as i just broke my no contact in 6 days only but hopefully will start now....i know i blamed him for being rude to me and my emotions ,,n once again screwed my chance....I have previously also done no contact for maximum 45 days but this time i feel so bad that only after 6 days i recontacted him..actually he had sent me one message 4 days after that i told u so i was feeling it so much to respond......but kevin now i know he will know that i can never stick to byes as i always come back........please please please tell me what is the right thing to do now ...i ll try my best to stick to it
Hi kevin,
Feel kind of stupid because today I sent him around 7 long messages telling him that I was hurt that he got her along that day and that I would have never done that to him...I also told him that I know that he has moved on and I am going to try my best to noot rply to any message and my silence shall speak of my pain...n blah blah...i am not sure if he must have read all messages but I still sent..i feel stupid now as i just broke my no contact in 6 days only but hopefully will start now....i know i blamed him for being rude to me and my emotions ,,n once again screwed my chance....I have previously also done no contact for maximum 45 days but this time i feel so bad that only after 6 days i recontacted him..actually he had sent me one message 4 days after that i told u so i was feeling it so much to respond......but kevin now i know he will know that i can never stick to byes as i always come back........please please please tell me what is the right thing to do now ...i ll try my best to stick to it
He did message me after 4 days just casually ....but I didnt reply ...i am too hurt... four months is a long period..I dont know if I will be successful as i know he will message me casually in this period,,....i dont want to tell him that I am entering no contact as I know he wont believe it as I have said that a thousand times before but was never ever able to do so..so this time I just want to remain silent n let my silence speak......bt what if he finds my absence a reason anough to get irritated and decide to leave me forever ...it is all so heart breaking Kevin...I really want to talk to him and tell him that I love him immensely and am waiting for him to come back, want to show him that I am the one who he can count on anytime as I shall always be there to hold him, so when he messages and i stop myself from replying I dont like doing this to him......can I make the no contact little less than 4 months and make it like two months.......Kevin, just advice me if he messages me in this no contact period, should I answer him...I dont want to loose him ever....and I want to prove that I am a woman of substance whom he can rely on anytime but I know that is what makes him take me for granted and give me the pain without bothering that he may lose me forever....I dont know Kevin, i know he has some feelings for me in the back of his mind,,plz just advice what is the right way to make him respect me and value me in his life so that he comes back with full of love for me...thank u
to add to my previous reply , i would like to confess that i have unblocked him on fb today,,although i have not sent him a friend request...and i wont send him a friend request on fb till my no contact period is over that is for sure I think........when last year he broke up with me then at that time also I had un-friended him on fb but after a few days when I resent the request he had accepted....this time I dont intend to send him friend request atleast till few months.....i am trying this time to stay silent and show my absence for atleast 2 months....kevin if he asks me something by msging me in the mean while,,should I reply?? I dont want any misunderstandings between us and I want him to know that although I am silent but I love and wait for him till date...how to do that?
He did message me after 4 days just casually ....but I didnt reply ...i am too hurt... four months is a long period..I dont know if I will be successful as i know he will message me casually in this period,,....i dont want to tell him that I am entering no contact as I know he wont believe it as I have said that a thousand times before but was never ever able to do so..so this time I just want to remain silent n let my silence speak......bt what if he finds my absence a reason anough to get irritated and decide to leave me forever ...it is all so heart breaking Kevin...I really want to talk to him and tell him that I love him immensely and am waiting for him to come back, want to show him that I am the one who he can count on anytime as I shall always be there to hold him, so when he messages and i stop myself from replying I dont like doing this to him......can I make the no contact little less than 4 months and make it like two months.......Kevin, just advice me if he messages me in this no contact period, should I answer him...I dont want to loose him ever....and I want to prove that I am a woman of substance whom he can rely on anytime but I know that is what makes him take me for granted and give me the pain without bothering that he may lose me forever....I dont know Kevin, i know he has some feelings for me in the back of his mind,,plz just advice what is the right way to make him respect me and value me in his life so that he comes back with full of love for me...thank u
to add to my previous reply , i would like to confess that i have unblocked him on fb today,,although i have not sent him a friend request...and i wont send him a friend request on fb till my no contact period is over that is for sure I think........when last year he broke up with me then at that time also I had un-friended him on fb but after a few days when I resent the request he had accepted....this time I dont intend to send him friend request atleast till few months.....i am trying this time to stay silent and show my absence for atleast 2 months....kevin if he asks me something by msging me in the mean while,,should I reply?? I dont want any misunderstandings between us and I want him to know that although I am silent but I love and wait for him till date...how to do that?
He did message me after 4 days just casually ....but I didnt reply ...i am too hurt... four months is a long period..I dont know if I will be successful as i know he will message me casually in this period,,....i dont want to tell him that I am entering no contact as I know he wont believe it as I have said that a thousand times before but was never ever able to do so..so this time I just want to remain silent n let my silence speak......bt what if he finds my absence a reason anough to get irritated and decide to leave me forever ...it is all so heart breaking Kevin...I really want to talk to him and tell him that I love him immensely and am waiting for him to come back, want to show him that I am the one who he can count on anytime as I shall always be there to hold him, so when he messages and i stop myself from replying I dont like doing this to him......can I make the no contact little less than 4 months and make it like two months.......Kevin, just advice me if he messages me in this no contact period, should I answer him...I dont want to loose him ever....and I want to prove that I am a woman of substance whom he can rely on anytime but I know that is what makes him take me for granted and give me the pain without bothering that he may lose me forever....I dont know Kevin, i know he has some feelings for me in the back of his mind,,plz just advice what is the right way to make him respect me and value me in his life so that he comes back with full of love for me...thank u
Hey,
First of all, what happened to your abusive boyfriend is not your fault. It was just a coincidence and not an act of God to punish you. Stop thinking like that because it's simply not true.
This guy seems to still have feelings for you but he is turned off by your needy behavior. It's good that you decided no contact for 4 months. If he contacts, just tell him that you can't contact him for 4 months and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you either. Tell him you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he respects your decision. And then contact him again after 4 months. I wish I can tell you that you have a good chance, but I want you to be prepared for the worst. I want you to accept the possibility that he won't ever get back with you and be prepared for it.
Ok so what if one week shy from ending NC, you run into your ex-boyfriend & he sends a drink to your table & you both get "butterflies"? The love is still there but you feel like your not ready yet & neither is he but you have a great night of conversation. Would you start NC over or just let your emotions flow? I really want to ask him out on a casual outing like bowling or something. Should I? He was the dumper by the way.
If you think you are ready for it, yes. Don't start NC all over again. But still I'll recommend you wait for a week.
Ok! Thanks for replying back!
Ok! Thanks for replying back!
Ok! Thanks for replying back!
If you think you are ready for it, yes. Don't start NC all over again. But still I'll recommend you wait for a week.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my ex broke up and i was kinda desperate begging her for a chance and all and after that i didn't contact her for a month and then i met her at a party and she told her friend that i didn't have the courtesy to even come and talk to her and her friend told me that the next day so i told her friend to tell her that i need to talk to her and sent a hand written sorry letter she saw it and cried and she told her friend that i shouldn't have listened to her for trusting another girl which was the cause of our breakup and she said she doesn't want any relationships now and tole her to tell me not to contact her or text her on. The next day was valentines day so i just sent a text saying i know it won't resolve everything but i sorry and ill wait no matter how long it takes. Do u think i have a chance here or is it over
You have a chance. Start no contact.
My birthday is coming up in 2 months and im planning to go right to her face and talk to her eyes is it worth it cuz im already confident on my side cuz im out of my depressions and still think i should go for it ..ours is a 2 year relationship so do u think i should do it or give it some more time
My birthday is coming up in 2 months and im planning to go right to her face and talk to her eyes is it worth it cuz im already confident on my side cuz im out of my depressions and still think i should go for it ..ours is a 2 year relationship so do u think i should do it or give it some more time
My birthday is coming up in 2 months and im planning to go right to her face and talk to her eyes is it worth it cuz im already confident on my side cuz im out of my depressions and still think i should go for it ..ours is a 2 year relationship so do u think i should do it or give it some more time
You have a chance. Start no contact.
Hey Kevin,
Like many who have spoken to you, I too am experiencing that nasty thing called breaking up! We'd been together for just over three years and for the last six months or so it just got ugly - stressed out, fighting all the time, and regretfully have raised my hand in act of frustration to get her to get out of my face. I've done pretty much all of those common mistakes - I pretty much hysterically laughed at myself reading it because of how stupid I must seem from her point of view.
I thought I wanted this relationship to end as well but after some time thinking about it, I don't. Unfortunately, we live together so moving is imperative and is just causing this thing between us to worsen. It's been just over a month now and she has started dating some guy she met at friend's going-away party, gut wrenching as it seems - there is nothing I can do.
I want this girl back. I love her relentlessly and while I have wronged her in the past, I want nothing more than to be a better man for her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated! In my situation, I have a lot of growing up, accepting what I've done and forgiving myself to do before I even think of trying to get her back but reading your post has given me hope at such a dark time.
Please give me advice Kevin, you've more than likely seen this post or heard of this situation many-a-time and I'd be all "ears" about what you have to say! What should I do? How should I go about this?
Hey,
Even if you are still living with her, start No Contact. Only talk about stuff that you absolutely have to and nothing personal. Move out as soon as possible. Also, do not get back together just because you feel bad about what happened and you miss being with her. Think about this, if you two get back together, things are going to get ugly again. Will you be able to handle the stress this time? Are you absolutely 100% sure that you won't lose control and raise your hand again? If you are not sure, it's better to just let her go. If you are sure, then be ready for a lot of work because a relationship with her is going to take a lot of work from both of you. All the best.
Thank you the speedy reply!
I'm definitely not wanting to get back together with her because of guilt - I plan on working on myself so that I can at least cope with stress better, raising my hand was definitely out of character for me. I've had some clarity in my thought over the month "apart" and have seen things that make me want to work at it and have a life together.
However, after the no contact period, upon sending that letter and then following up with texts in an effort to create a meeting... what happens if she say's no? How do you combat something like that? I want to work at it and make it right between us but from how she's reacting at the current moment it seems like in a month or two's time she'll be off not even thinking about wanting anything to do with me.
Thanks for the help Kevin, genuinely appreciate it! The world needs more good sorts like yourself.
Hey Will,
I know it feels like that in a month or two she'll completely move on and not want to have you in your life. But in reality, it's not like that. It takes a lot longer for someone to move on and the fact that you didn't contact them for one month, makes them more curious to want to meet up and stay in contact. But on the off chance that they refuse to meet or talk to you, the best thing you can do is start no contact again. It's probably because your ex is still angry and giving them more time will help subdue that anger. Think about it, why else would they refuse to meet you unless they are angry?
Just found out that this guy she's been seeing has turned into a sexual thing now - heartbreaking news on my half.
Two weeks before we broke up she texted me saying that she wanted to work on our relationship and keep finding ways to keep each other happy and now she does this?
Sad part is.. I still want her in my life. What the hell am I supposed to do now Kevin?
Hey Will,
How are you finding this stuff out? If you're still stalking her on FB or asking her friends about her, then you are not really following NC. Anyways, like I mentioned in the article, rebound relationships actually move faster than a normal relationship. Good news is, they actually end faster as well. So the best thing you can do is continue with the plan.
Hey Will,
How are you finding this stuff out? If you're still stalking her on FB or asking her friends about her, then you are not really following NC. Anyways, like I mentioned in the article, rebound relationships actually move faster than a normal relationship. Good news is, they actually end faster as well. So the best thing you can do is continue with the plan.
Hey Will,
How are you finding this stuff out? If you're still stalking her on FB or asking her friends about her, then you are not really following NC. Anyways, like I mentioned in the article, rebound relationships actually move faster than a normal relationship. Good news is, they actually end faster as well. So the best thing you can do is continue with the plan.
Hey Will,
How are you finding this stuff out? If you're still stalking her on FB or asking her friends about her, then you are not really following NC. Anyways, like I mentioned in the article, rebound relationships actually move faster than a normal relationship. Good news is, they actually end faster as well. So the best thing you can do is continue with the plan.
Hey Will,
How are you finding this stuff out? If you're still stalking her on FB or asking her friends about her, then you are not really following NC. Anyways, like I mentioned in the article, rebound relationships actually move faster than a normal relationship. Good news is, they actually end faster as well. So the best thing you can do is continue with the plan.
Hey Will,
How are you finding this stuff out? If you're still stalking her on FB or asking her friends about her, then you are not really following NC. Anyways, like I mentioned in the article, rebound relationships actually move faster than a normal relationship. Good news is, they actually end faster as well. So the best thing you can do is continue with the plan.
You make a reasonable point there, what happens if this guy she's just started seeing progresses into something more?
Just found out that this guy she's been seeing has turned into a sexual thing now - heartbreaking news on my half.
Two weeks before we broke up she texted me saying that she wanted to work on our relationship and keep finding ways to keep each other happy and now she does this?
Sad part is.. I still want her in my life. What the hell am I supposed to do now Kevin?
You make a reasonable point there, what happens if this guy she's just started seeing progresses into something more?
Just found out that this guy she's been seeing has turned into a sexual thing now - heartbreaking news on my half.
Two weeks before we broke up she texted me saying that she wanted to work on our relationship and keep finding ways to keep each other happy and now she does this?
Sad part is.. I still want her in my life. What the hell am I supposed to do now Kevin?
You make a reasonable point there, what happens if this guy she's just started seeing progresses into something more?
Just found out that this guy she's been seeing has turned into a sexual thing now - heartbreaking news on my half.
Two weeks before we broke up she texted me saying that she wanted to work on our relationship and keep finding ways to keep each other happy and now she does this?
Sad part is.. I still want her in my life. What the hell am I supposed to do now Kevin?
You make a reasonable point there, what happens if this guy she's just started seeing progresses into something more?
Just found out that this guy she's been seeing has turned into a sexual thing now - heartbreaking news on my half.
Two weeks before we broke up she texted me saying that she wanted to work on our relationship and keep finding ways to keep each other happy and now she does this?
Sad part is.. I still want her in my life. What the hell am I supposed to do now Kevin?
You make a reasonable point there, what happens if this guy she's just started seeing progresses into something more?
Hey Will,
I know it feels like that in a month or two she'll completely move on and not want to have you in your life. But in reality, it's not like that. It takes a lot longer for someone to move on and the fact that you didn't contact them for one month, makes them more curious to want to meet up and stay in contact. But on the off chance that they refuse to meet or talk to you, the best thing you can do is start no contact again. It's probably because your ex is still angry and giving them more time will help subdue that anger. Think about it, why else would they refuse to meet you unless they are angry?
Hey Will,
I know it feels like that in a month or two she'll completely move on and not want to have you in your life. But in reality, it's not like that. It takes a lot longer for someone to move on and the fact that you didn't contact them for one month, makes them more curious to want to meet up and stay in contact. But on the off chance that they refuse to meet or talk to you, the best thing you can do is start no contact again. It's probably because your ex is still angry and giving them more time will help subdue that anger. Think about it, why else would they refuse to meet you unless they are angry?
Hey Will,
I know it feels like that in a month or two she'll completely move on and not want to have you in your life. But in reality, it's not like that. It takes a lot longer for someone to move on and the fact that you didn't contact them for one month, makes them more curious to want to meet up and stay in contact. But on the off chance that they refuse to meet or talk to you, the best thing you can do is start no contact again. It's probably because your ex is still angry and giving them more time will help subdue that anger. Think about it, why else would they refuse to meet you unless they are angry?
Thank you the speedy reply!
I'm definitely not wanting to get back together with her because of guilt - I plan on working on myself so that I can at least cope with stress better, raising my hand was definitely out of character for me. I've had some clarity in my thought over the month "apart" and have seen things that make me want to work at it and have a life together.
However, after the no contact period, upon sending that letter and then following up with texts in an effort to create a meeting... what happens if she say's no? How do you combat something like that? I want to work at it and make it right between us but from how she's reacting at the current moment it seems like in a month or two's time she'll be off not even thinking about wanting anything to do with me.
Thanks for the help Kevin, genuinely appreciate it! The world needs more good sorts like yourself.
Thank you the speedy reply!
I'm definitely not wanting to get back together with her because of guilt - I plan on working on myself so that I can at least cope with stress better, raising my hand was definitely out of character for me. I've had some clarity in my thought over the month "apart" and have seen things that make me want to work at it and have a life together.
However, after the no contact period, upon sending that letter and then following up with texts in an effort to create a meeting... what happens if she say's no? How do you combat something like that? I want to work at it and make it right between us but from how she's reacting at the current moment it seems like in a month or two's time she'll be off not even thinking about wanting anything to do with me.
Thanks for the help Kevin, genuinely appreciate it! The world needs more good sorts like yourself.
Hey,
Even if you are still living with her, start No Contact. Only talk about stuff that you absolutely have to and nothing personal. Move out as soon as possible. Also, do not get back together just because you feel bad about what happened and you miss being with her. Think about this, if you two get back together, things are going to get ugly again. Will you be able to handle the stress this time? Are you absolutely 100% sure that you won't lose control and raise your hand again? If you are not sure, it's better to just let her go. If you are sure, then be ready for a lot of work because a relationship with her is going to take a lot of work from both of you. All the best.
My partner of 1 year has left me after two irrelevant arguments. We were trying for a baby and I am now seven weeks pregnant. He has known for two weeks. He left sunday after our second argument and when i returned from work on tuesday he had taken his belongings from my house. The key was posted through the door with a note saying he would give me the money which he owed me a few days later. He did give me the money owed. I am obviously quite hormonal and upset at the situation. We have mutual friends and no one can quite believe his actions. I did not ever envisage being a single parent. I went to see him on Friday as I felt that we needed to talk. He was very detached, also stoned. He aid he did not think we would have lasted anyway. I am quite confused as this is contradictory to 'I want you to have my baby', 'I want to get married', 'I love you'. Any advice would be appreciated.
Don't make any of the mistakes mentioned in the article and start no contact. I know you never saw yourself being a single parent but now it's on the verge of becoming a reality. I sincerely hope that this plan works for you and he comes back, but you have to be realistic and make sure that you are ready to give your child a healthy and loving environment even if you are a single parent.
Don't make any of the mistakes mentioned in the article and start no contact. I know you never saw yourself being a single parent but now it's on the verge of becoming a reality. I sincerely hope that this plan works for you and he comes back, but you have to be realistic and make sure that you are ready to give your child a healthy and loving environment even if you are a single parent.
Thanks for the reply, but i messed up. I ended up givving her a valentines card(just a card) and i wrote a letter telling her about how i was changing my life . later the next day She admitted she started talking to someone, someone that i hate quite a bit. I dint say anything about it at first until i was informed that he used to mess around with hookers. So i ended up calling her(intoxicated again) but i wasn't asking for her back or anything i just told her to make sure that he gets checked an to show her proof he doesn't have anything. It started a fight obviously but we ended up calming things down. So basically i start no contact over again as its only been just short of two weeks since the breakup? And do you have any other types of tips for me???
That's OK. You are starting no contact again, so that's good. Just make sure you go through with it this time.
Ok so she called me today to ask if i can keep our child for another night. I kno why shes being "nice" about this because she wants to go see the other guy so i decided not to be a doormat and i said no because i was busy (im not) and she flipped out. Do you think i did the right thing and what does it mean when she gets mad like that
Well, I am not so sure if you did the right thing. You are only being a doormat if you agree to her conditions without considering your own comfort. In this case, you just didn't agree to her conditions out of spite. In my opinion, the more you try to stop them from seeing someone, the more they want to see them.
But regardless, continue with no contact.
I had a couple more things to ask. When she drops our child off i tend to try and make myself look as good as possible, not overboad like wearin a suit o anythin lol but well groomed and nice clothes. But dirin this no contact period i am goin to bettermyself like i said before with the no smoking and working out and when i get paid i will be gettin a haircut and new clothes, but she will obviously see these changes slowly. Do you think i should jus kind of be my old self and not put so mich effort in my appearance right now and then out of nowhere show he the new me or should i let her watch the change happen slowly?
Let her watch the change happen slowly. Otherwise, it'll look like a cleverly devised plan to get her back.
Let her watch the change happen slowly. Otherwise, it'll look like a cleverly devised plan to get her back.
Let her watch the change happen slowly. Otherwise, it'll look like a cleverly devised plan to get her back.
Let her watch the change happen slowly. Otherwise, it'll look like a cleverly devised plan to get her back.
Let her watch the change happen slowly. Otherwise, it'll look like a cleverly devised plan to get her back.
Let her watch the change happen slowly. Otherwise, it'll look like a cleverly devised plan to get her back.
I had a couple more things to ask. When she drops our child off i tend to try and make myself look as good as possible, not overboad like wearin a suit o anythin lol but well groomed and nice clothes. But dirin this no contact period i am goin to bettermyself like i said before with the no smoking and working out and when i get paid i will be gettin a haircut and new clothes, but she will obviously see these changes slowly. Do you think i should jus kind of be my old self and not put so mich effort in my appearance right now and then out of nowhere show he the new me or should i let her watch the change happen slowly?
I had a couple more things to ask. When she drops our child off i tend to try and make myself look as good as possible, not overboad like wearin a suit o anythin lol but well groomed and nice clothes. But dirin this no contact period i am goin to bettermyself like i said before with the no smoking and working out and when i get paid i will be gettin a haircut and new clothes, but she will obviously see these changes slowly. Do you think i should jus kind of be my old self and not put so mich effort in my appearance right now and then out of nowhere show he the new me or should i let her watch the change happen slowly?
I had a couple more things to ask. When she drops our child off i tend to try and make myself look as good as possible, not overboad like wearin a suit o anythin lol but well groomed and nice clothes. But dirin this no contact period i am goin to bettermyself like i said before with the no smoking and working out and when i get paid i will be gettin a haircut and new clothes, but she will obviously see these changes slowly. Do you think i should jus kind of be my old self and not put so mich effort in my appearance right now and then out of nowhere show he the new me or should i let her watch the change happen slowly?
I had a couple more things to ask. When she drops our child off i tend to try and make myself look as good as possible, not overboad like wearin a suit o anythin lol but well groomed and nice clothes. But dirin this no contact period i am goin to bettermyself like i said before with the no smoking and working out and when i get paid i will be gettin a haircut and new clothes, but she will obviously see these changes slowly. Do you think i should jus kind of be my old self and not put so mich effort in my appearance right now and then out of nowhere show he the new me or should i let her watch the change happen slowly?
Well, I am not so sure if you did the right thing. You are only being a doormat if you agree to her conditions without considering your own comfort. In this case, you just didn't agree to her conditions out of spite. In my opinion, the more you try to stop them from seeing someone, the more they want to see them.
But regardless, continue with no contact.
Well, I am not so sure if you did the right thing. You are only being a doormat if you agree to her conditions without considering your own comfort. In this case, you just didn't agree to her conditions out of spite. In my opinion, the more you try to stop them from seeing someone, the more they want to see them.
But regardless, continue with no contact.
Well, I am not so sure if you did the right thing. You are only being a doormat if you agree to her conditions without considering your own comfort. In this case, you just didn't agree to her conditions out of spite. In my opinion, the more you try to stop them from seeing someone, the more they want to see them.
But regardless, continue with no contact.
Ok so she called me today to ask if i can keep our child for another night. I kno why shes being "nice" about this because she wants to go see the other guy so i decided not to be a doormat and i said no because i was busy (im not) and she flipped out. Do you think i did the right thing and what does it mean when she gets mad like that
Ok so she called me today to ask if i can keep our child for another night. I kno why shes being "nice" about this because she wants to go see the other guy so i decided not to be a doormat and i said no because i was busy (im not) and she flipped out. Do you think i did the right thing and what does it mean when she gets mad like that
That's OK. You are starting no contact again, so that's good. Just make sure you go through with it this time.
Hi, please I need an advice, I've been with my boyfriend for almost six years, we had good and rough times together. I found some messages in his phone from another girl, who bothered us for long time and I overreacted.Something happened between them, I m sure.I was very upset because he lied to me and he started to act unusual and kind of aggressive.The jealousy was our first problem. We broke up and our fight was very rough, it s been almost six weeks since it happened. I didn't contact him but I found out that he's seeing another girl. I found out accidentally, because I saw them walking together and I know he saw me too, he faked a smile and he faked the fact that he was very interested in her stories. Their relationship began just the next day we broke up.
I don't know what to do...we broke up many times in six years but we were coming back to each other because the feelings were too strong. When we were separated, each of us tried to start a new relationship but none of us succeed and when we came back, our love was stronger.
Now I am still upset but I don't want to contact him because I want this to be his idea and I want him to be conscious of his mistakes.I don't know if he's still thinking of me and of us being back together.
Thanks,
Shania
Hey Shania,
I am pretty sure he is still thinking of you and secretly he wants to get back with you. It's good you've decided to not contact him. Hopefully, he'll break up with his girlfriend soon (it's probably a rebound) and contact you.
Hey Shania,
I am pretty sure he is still thinking of you and secretly he wants to get back with you. It's good you've decided to not contact him. Hopefully, he'll break up with his girlfriend soon (it's probably a rebound) and contact you.
Hi Kevin,
Sorry I have written once, but can't seem to find the post so have to write it out again :)
Ok so, me and my boyfriend were together for just over 2 years, the relationship started rocky with big personal problems (family etc) which we managed to get through together and it didn't seem to effect us too much, if anything it made us stronger. We had a very good relationship (obviously a few arguments over silly things, but all relationships have them!!). Then in October we went on holiday to celebrate our two years together, but a couple weeks later when we met up he told me he didn't think he could do it anymore, but when I asked why, he couldn't give me a proper answer. We were both in tears, we both found it very hard..
We then didn't talk for a couple of weeks, even though I did try to contact him as he had his things at my house and vice versa, then randomly one day he messaged me to say he was having doubts about us breaking up and if he made the wrong decision, he still loved me etc.. Which left loads of hope in my head!!
Then a couple more weeks went by where he didn't talk to em (by this point I was slightly frustrated as he knows full well how much I love him and how much I wanted to work it out). ...one point to add, he's a very adamant person and if he says going to do something etc he always does it.. Which leads me to the next part...
I then got another random message from him just after Christmas saying that he was going to bring my things back to me by the end of the week, because I obviously need closure (me not him!).. I was left confused, but by that point I thought it was 100% finished. But, nearly 2 months later and his things still remain at mine and vice versa, and he's told a few people that he still loves the bones of me etc.. So what do I do?! If he wanted it to really be over, surely he'd have come and got his things by now so he could move on or atleast not have to deal with this anymore? Even if he sent someone else to get it.... I personally want to work things out with him, I believed he really did love me and I know he was hurt when we split up..
Thanks in advance :)
So are you saying you've basically been in no contact for 2 months? Or are you continuously in contact? If you have been in contact, apply no contact for a month and then contact him again. If you have been in no contact, send him the letter mentioned in the article and see how he responds.
I've tried contacting him, but in the 2-3 months I've only had two messages from him. Both being totally different!!
Thanks I shall do that.
I've tried contacting him, but in the 2-3 months I've only had two messages from him. Both being totally different!!
Thanks I shall do that.
I've tried contacting him, but in the 2-3 months I've only had two messages from him. Both being totally different!!
Thanks I shall do that.
So are you saying you've basically been in no contact for 2 months? Or are you continuously in contact? If you have been in contact, apply no contact for a month and then contact him again. If you have been in no contact, send him the letter mentioned in the article and see how he responds.
I had been with my ex for 3 years when he broke up with me last week presumably because I was angry that he went to the bar on our anniversary instead of coming straight home to me, and I overreacted. I feel like our relationship was a really good one and that we both each other's support systems. We communicate really well, genuinely enjoy each other's company(until last week that is), and have a lot of common interests. I already broke all the rules outlined in your other article, but it's only been 2 days so I feel like I can come back from it, the problem is that we live together. I have my own room, but I still need to collect rent and bills from him and my other roommate, as well as use the kitchen every once in awhile. Any advice on how to initiate 'no contact' when living together?
Don't talk to him unless it absolutely necessary. And don't talk about anything personal. Just talk about house stuff. Keep the conversations short. Less than 10 minutes.
Don't talk to him unless it absolutely necessary. And don't talk about anything personal. Just talk about house stuff. Keep the conversations short. Less than 10 minutes.
Hi there,
Any thoughts on no contact initiated by the one who did the breaking up? My ex bf said we shouldn't talk for "a while" and even blocked me on the messaging service we use (I don't have fb or twitter etc). So I've been following no contact easily as I was trying to respect his wishes. Do you think the letter in 30 days still applies? Is that "a while" enough?
Thanks for your help
Yes, no contact will still work. Provided you make some positive changes in your life during the 30 days.
Yes, no contact will still work. Provided you make some positive changes in your life during the 30 days.
Hello,
So, you can probably guess why I am typing here. My girlfriend and I of one month broke up about two months ago. We were happy, and then came this week that we both seemed out of it. Some problems happened and I broke up with her. It was one of those spur of the moment decisions that I regret immensely. I had no contact with her for a while (long enough time) after the break up. And once we started talking again (at school) it got confusing. Some days we are very friendly and maybe even flirtatious. And others we are kinda mean to each other. I know that I still like her, but I'm unsure if she likes me... I'm afraid that if I wait too long to do anything, then shell move on... We have talked some about the way we treat each other, and she doesn't think/know that/if I care about here anymore. We are planning on talking in school soon, face to face. And I'm debating wether I should straight up kiss her then. (to add to the problem, there's semi-formal a week away and I'm going with a different girl, but as a friend only) I want her back, and I think it's for the right reasons. So, what should I do? Any and as much advice would be great. An the sooner the better since I wanna resolve this soon.
Hopefully Ill talk to you soon...
Thanks
Don't kiss her right away. Just talk to her and if you think she is attracted to you, ask her if she wants to get back together.
Don't kiss her right away. Just talk to her and if you think she is attracted to you, ask her if she wants to get back together.
Hi Kevin. Your site and advice is awesome btw. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
So here's my situation. My ex bf and I were together for a year. We were kind of on and off and we broke up a week into a semester of school because of miscommunication problem/misunderstandings that elevated to fights.. we're so different I guess. Thing is, we didn't want to break up and we love each other, but we figured it was the right thing to do. Initially, I couldn't handle the break up and explained that I still wanted to work it out, but he said he was firm with the decision. However, to make a long story short, in a span of 3 weeks... we ignored each other, then talked, had sex, but he said he still wanted to just be "friends." So I thought it was over for sure, but then we 'hung out' had dinner, but then made out when we were saying goodbye, had sex again at his house the next day, but we didn't contact each other on Valentine's day. Note: we have classes together everyday at school.
So am I in the friends with benefits zone, or is there any hope of moving this forward?
Other notes: he "drunk" texted me saying he want to hang out soon and see a movie, has been calling me to chat while stuck in traffic..
Don't have sex with him again. Not until he commits. I'd recommend start no contact again, and ignore his calls for a month.
Alright, thanks. Also, his birthday is coming up and it's on a day where I see him in class at school. Should I wish him well, or ignore him?
Btw, I gave him a handmade card last year and he really loved it and said it made his birthday. I wanted to make another, but simple card this time around, but I see you advised others to just send a text. Should I do that too?
Yeah, don't go for the card. It's too needy at this point. Just a text should suffice.
Yeah, don't go for the card. It's too needy at this point. Just a text should suffice.
Yeah, don't go for the card. It's too needy at this point. Just a text should suffice.
Yeah, don't go for the card. It's too needy at this point. Just a text should suffice.
Yeah, don't go for the card. It's too needy at this point. Just a text should suffice.
Btw, I gave him a handmade card last year and he really loved it and said it made his birthday. I wanted to make another, but simple card this time around, but I see you advised others to just send a text. Should I do that too?
Btw, I gave him a handmade card last year and he really loved it and said it made his birthday. I wanted to make another, but simple card this time around, but I see you advised others to just send a text. Should I do that too?
Btw, I gave him a handmade card last year and he really loved it and said it made his birthday. I wanted to make another, but simple card this time around, but I see you advised others to just send a text. Should I do that too?
Alright, thanks. Also, his birthday is coming up and it's on a day where I see him in class at school. Should I wish him well, or ignore him?
Alright, thanks. Also, his birthday is coming up and it's on a day where I see him in class at school. Should I wish him well, or ignore him?
Don't have sex with him again. Not until he commits. I'd recommend start no contact again, and ignore his calls for a month.
Sorry, meant to say 5 weeks, not 3. If that makes any difference
Hi Kevin, I just contacted my ex using one of the text messages above to remind him of how I often enjoy listen to him sing while we were dating. And like most advice, he gave a neutral response and I ended the conversation saying I was busy so talk next time. A lot of advice given was that I should be the one ending the conversation so that he would want to chase. I understand it may not be today and could be a few days or so, but the thing is, what if he doesn't? It doesn't sound right to keep sending him messages "occasionally" saying positive stuff because I'm sure he'll be wondering what am I trying to achieve here. And I have a feeling that if this continues, he would think I'm contacting him with a hidden agenda. What should I do? How long should I wait? And what should I send next?
Hey Tan,
Wait for a week or two before sending another text. As for what you should text, you need to be creative here. Of course, you shouldn't use the same template every time. Mix things up a bit.
Hey Tan,
Wait for a week or two before sending another text. As for what you should text, you need to be creative here. Of course, you shouldn't use the same template every time. Mix things up a bit.
My ex girlfriend told me two weeks ago that she wants to take a break for a few days. Her reason was that I had talked to girls on facebook in a somewhat inappropriate manner on two separate occasions. I felt horrible about it, but put up a somewhat cold front as I told her it wouldn't happen again. I treat her extremely well otherwise and am very kind and loving. Upon her telling me she wanted to take a break, I immediately had a very rare but sincere breakdown over the next few days. Crying, telling her I was sorry, how much I need her, all of that. Two days later she tells me she wants to break up, and come and pick up her stuff from my house. I proceeded to go to every length to convince her not to go through with this. It seemed as if in a matter of two days, she went from happy, kind, compassionate, soft spoken, to rather rude, angry, mean, and cold..all over something that happened over 5 months ago. She says she hasn't gotten over it, and doesn't know if we can ever get back together due to her lack of trust in me and what she thinks of every time she leaves from me for more than 5 mintues, I suppose. She says she doesn't really wanna talk right now, or be in contact much. She changed her status on facebook to "It's complicated", but left all of the photos of us together on there completely public, still with the sweetest captions. She said she wants to leave her dog at my house, because my mom loves it so much. This is a dog she had for 5 years before meeting me. I guess what I'm wondering is what she's really doing with all of this. I've been through breakups before and this seems really odd. I'm 22 and she's 19. We've been together for two years almost, and this is the first time she's suggested, or even hinted at something like this. She was talking about having children one day, not even a month ago. Is she really breaking up with me or is she trying to make a point? Do I have a chance in hell with her? I know of the no contact rule. I just started it last night. What do you think is going on here?
I guess the most logical explanation is she is young and she is trying to figure out what she wants in life. It could be that she feels like she can't trust you again. But IMO, you didn't betray her to that much extent that deserves such a reaction. I have a feeling that she is using this as an excuse because she is unsure of what she wants in life. No contact will help you a lot. It'll give her time to figure out her life and miss you.
I guess the most logical explanation is she is young and she is trying to figure out what she wants in life. It could be that she feels like she can't trust you again. But IMO, you didn't betray her to that much extent that deserves such a reaction. I have a feeling that she is using this as an excuse because she is unsure of what she wants in life. No contact will help you a lot. It'll give her time to figure out her life and miss you.
Kevin,
I desperately need your help! The love of my life and I broke up over a year ago because I found out he was doing drugs and lied to me about it so I broke up with him immediately and threw him out. This has been the biggest regret of my life. We've had very little contact since. He stopped answering my phone calls, texts, emails, blocked me on facebook and even ran out of a bar upon seeing me. The last 2 times we saw each other were last july and last november. He was much more cordial to me. We spoke civilly and he always made it a point to say how good I looked. Oh advice from my brother, I decided to send him a mix tape on Valentine's Day saying I'm sorry and that I still loved him (I said this thru the music, not on paper). Then yesterday he emails me: "Hey, I got the package that you sent to my office. What we had is in the past, and things are different for me now. I wish you happiness but I've moved on and you should too." That clearly means he's seeing someone else but it's not on facebook. Please please help me! I am desperate to get him back!
Hey Emme,
It was a bad move to send him the package on Valentine's day. But regardless, you still can give it one more chance. You need to start no contact for at least 60 days before contacting him again. This time, take things slowly and build attraction before confessing your love.
Should I reply to the email saying that he's right and I'm over it or just go straight to NC?
Yeah, you can reply to his email. But wait for a week before doing that. Then start NC.
Yeah, you can reply to his email. But wait for a week before doing that. Then start NC.
Yeah, you can reply to his email. But wait for a week before doing that. Then start NC.
Yeah, you can reply to his email. But wait for a week before doing that. Then start NC.
Should I reply to the email saying that he's right and I'm over it or just go straight to NC?
Should I reply to the email saying that he's right and I'm over it or just go straight to NC?
Hey Emme,
It was a bad move to send him the package on Valentine's day. But regardless, you still can give it one more chance. You need to start no contact for at least 60 days before contacting him again. This time, take things slowly and build attraction before confessing your love.
I used to travel a lot for work doing painting running my own company all last year. We'll I went to do a Applebee's about halfway across the country and meet a girl almost a year ago and we talked and hit it off so well that she came to Texas, where my next job was, in about a month or so. This girl was head over heals over me the entire time I was with her but I was so worked up from the new business stress and being winter time not having much work and a set of bad luck strings at work made me depressed and treat her bad sometimes. Sure we had our good moments during then but now with the no contact I've realized that I took a lot out on here that she didn't deserve. We got into a fight last week when I got jealous over one of her friends. She left that day and never came back. She took my laptop which was practically hers and moved in with this guy. I realize now she just wanted me to get out of my depression at the time and be who I was when she meet me, very ambitious and constantly striving to better myself. The guy she moved in with is not her type but he works with her. I think she stayed in town cause she hopes I change in the back of her mind and we'll I won't tell her this for another 23 days but I am starting to realize stuff. I tried to bring her ring I bought before the fight and a little money to her work for 1 last shot on Valentines day, 4 days after the break up. She ran from me when she saw me. That's what made me start NC. As strong as her feelings were I can't see her happy with this new guy. Do I have a decent chance if I keep at the NC and keep working on myself? I don't even know if she has the same number so Idk what to do when the NC ends.
Hey,
Yes, you have a good chance if you continue with NC. As for contacting her, you can try contacting her on facebook or on her email.
Hey,
Yes, you have a good chance if you continue with NC. As for contacting her, you can try contacting her on facebook or on her email.
my name is nelson .i had a friend that lives in UK .We met as friends and along the line she asked me to meet her parents if am serious to have something to do with her .she invited me over to UK where she lived ,and i visited her .i have known her from my school days.we planned getting married. but suddenly she broke up with me and i didnt find it easy to cope without her ,i have already cried and beg her over the phone ,yet nothing changed.recently i spoke with her after a long while .i tried calling her again and she didnt pick my calls and she didnt reply my text like she used to do before .i have failed most of the steps you talked about .how can i correct it and make her want me back.since she is very far from me ,how can i make her invite me to visit her the second time .
Apply No contact.
Apply No contact.
to keep it short my ex and i were together and living together for 5 yrs. we broke up last april and even tho i was crushed and he said he still loved me but was too stressed out in our relationship always worrying about me (he was cheated on in his past) i did let him down on a few occasions but thru-out the breakup we continued to sleep together, hang out talk etc even tho he said he didnt want the commitment. we had a fight 3 weeks ago after going out on the town dancing and having sex. he had even mentioned trying to get me preg. anyway during the fight he gave me bak my house keys and said erase him from my life. we went 3 days without speaking then i wrote him saying i was letting him go but wud always love him. he said ok and wished me well. then we slowly started talking again thru text and phone. i noticed on fb this girl put in a relationship the same day id wrote him the letter. then she tagged him in pics. even tho his status says single and he still has my pics. i called and asked him if he had a girlfriend. he said no he was dating people but nothing serious. then one of my friends boyfriends called harrassing me and wen i let my ex know he got mad and told the guy to leave me alone and referred to me as his girl. i know he did it because he cares but my ex will admit we have a strong connection, friendship and good sex but i think hes afraid of getting hurt again. im working on self improvement and jus wanna know do u think theres a chance? i see me marrying this man one day. we have a huge age gap. im much older, mayb i jus need to let him live out his youth? y is he denying the girl on fb?
He is denying the girl because he doesn't want to lose you. He is afraid if you think he has moved on, you might also try to move on. But you need to stop having sex with him until he commits. If possible apply no contact with him. Let him know you need some space and time and you'll contact him after that.
He is denying the girl because he doesn't want to lose you. He is afraid if you think he has moved on, you might also try to move on. But you need to stop having sex with him until he commits. If possible apply no contact with him. Let him know you need some space and time and you'll contact him after that.
I have done everything possible to mess up in this break up and now he has me blocked from everything and says never again. How do you repair that? Is it possible?
Start no contact for 60 days. Hopefully, he'll unblock you after that. If he doesn't send him a hand written letter.
Start no contact for 60 days. Hopefully, he'll unblock you after that. If he doesn't send him a hand written letter.
Hey,
So my boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up right before Christmas (2 months ago). We live together and I am moving out as soon as I save the money (hopefully a couple weeks from now). Although not at first, I have tried to have as minimal contact with him as I can. Of course, we live together so we have to converse a little. We are staying on opposite ends of the house, so we really only have to share the common areas. After an argument a couple weeks ago, where he said there just is no future for us and I told him "if that's what you really want", we talked the next day and resolved to be friendly at home. In fact, I told him I love him as a person, as a friend, and nothing will change that. I know he cannot be committed right now- he suffered the unexpected loss of his twin about a year ago and has been struggling, going up and down, ever since- and I told him I understand that, but it doesn't change how I feel.
Since that "talk" he has been talkative and friendly with me, sharing his work and family stories. He keeps checking up on me to see how my workday was, where I'm going (if I'm getting ready to go out or something). He will even sometimes walk in to my bedroom to say hi, or good morning on the weekend, or good night.
I have been working on myself (dealing with his depression was weighing on me). I've been journaling, exercising, reaching out to friends, even got in to therapy to help deal with the loss of him and the issues he's going through. I initiated the break up, and my rationale tells me that we both still need time and space and to take it very slow, but I also know how much I love this guy. I can honestly see myself marrying him, despite our issues. Living together as "friends" shows me more so how I do care for him and I want him to be free to grieve his twin sister without the pressure of a serious relationship. I can also see how we enjoy each other's presence, even if we are just talking about work or whatever.
When we broke up, I told him I deserve better. I'm afraid that is all he thinks now- that he can't be enough for me. Is there anyway I can help show him how he really is a good man, even now that we aren't dating?
And after I move out, should I still initiate no contact? I have tried to do a modified no contact here and let him reach out to me if he feels he wants to- which I think he has started to. But once we do not live together anymore, should I really cut him off more? I plan to continue working on myself no matter the outcome.
Hey,
You have a really mature attitude towards your breakup. I commend you for that. As for showing him he is a good man, I think you already told him that when you said you'd love him as a friend and as a person. Trying too hard to make him feel better about himself will only make you look needy. So, don't go overboard. As for no contact after moving out, I'd recommend you keep complete no contact for at least a couple of weeks and then go back to the modified no contact you've been practicing. If he continues to contact you during no contact, you can just let him know that you need some space and you'll contact him after some time. All the best.
Hey,
You have a really mature attitude towards your breakup. I commend you for that. As for showing him he is a good man, I think you already told him that when you said you'd love him as a friend and as a person. Trying too hard to make him feel better about himself will only make you look needy. So, don't go overboard. As for no contact after moving out, I'd recommend you keep complete no contact for at least a couple of weeks and then go back to the modified no contact you've been practicing. If he continues to contact you during no contact, you can just let him know that you need some space and you'll contact him after some time. All the best.
Hi Kevin, me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago. We stayed in contact for about 2 months after that, but we had a fight and haven't been talking for about two months now. I messaged him a lot, and begged a lot, he finally replied and we had a conversation, and he seemed happy enough, but when i tried to text him casually (twice) he didn't reply. I've grown up a lot since then, and think i would be able to not contact him for a while, but is it too late? I love him a lot and want him back in my life. He said he loved me a lot too, but I dont know anymore if it was even legit. So can you please help me? Thank you. :)
I don't think it's too late. Start no contact. All the best.
I don't think it's too late. Start no contact. All the best.
Hi Kevin, there's been some progress.
So I found out she went and slept with (a fling) a random within 10 days of the breakup.
When I called her after that she got very emotional and cried, abused me, but also said she loved me.
I applied no-contact for a while and then sent the following message:
"It would have been nice to hear from you on my birthday, but I guess thats the way you felt and we both need space.
It's been a little while now. I'm sorry about the things I did before and after the split - I wasn't thinking straight and it was disrespectful to you.
And honestly, I now fully respect your decision to break up. I think it was the best thing to do at the time.
By the way, I managed to help dad close some pretty exciting development deals and could be buying my own house soon, I'd love to tell you all about it one day.
Anyway, hope you're doing well man."
She responded with:
"Hey, sorry I didn’t message you on your birthday. Like you said, I need space and thought you might as well so decided against it. But Happy Birthday for before, I hope you had a good one.
I’m glad you understand what happened, its good to hear you’ve gained a perspective on things.
I’m really happy for you, hope you’re feeling better and all is well."
Now the question is, we are still not communicating at all. She previously expressed her desire not to be contacted for a while. But it seems that since she replied, she might have had a change of heart.
Now, how long should I wait until I send the next message asking her to meet me in person? I have one prepared that I think will work.
Hey George,
Instead of asking her out immediately, I'd recommend you have a few light hearted text conversations with her. But if you think asking her out will work, then go for it. I think you should wait another couple of weeks before asking her out.
I messaged her a few days later bringing up an event that reminded me of a pleasant time we had with a cat. Chill, short and light hearted.
She replied with a playful thumbs up, and after another message said "well I'm glad it's safe and okay" (regarding the cat).
And, this is in contrast to her saying that she didn't want to hear from me for 6 months and never have anything to do with me again, only 3 weeks ago.
Do I stand a chance here? Good signs?
Yeah, it's a good sign. Contact her again after two weeks.
Yeah, it's a good sign. Contact her again after two weeks.
Yeah, it's a good sign. Contact her again after two weeks.
Yeah, it's a good sign. Contact her again after two weeks.
I messaged her a few days later bringing up an event that reminded me of a pleasant time we had with a cat. Chill, short and light hearted.
She replied with a playful thumbs up, and after another message said "well I'm glad it's safe and okay" (regarding the cat).
And, this is in contrast to her saying that she didn't want to hear from me for 6 months and never have anything to do with me again, only 3 weeks ago.
Do I stand a chance here? Good signs?
I messaged her a few days later bringing up an event that reminded me of a pleasant time we had with a cat. Chill, short and light hearted.
She replied with a playful thumbs up, and after another message said "well I'm glad it's safe and okay" (regarding the cat).
And, this is in contrast to her saying that she didn't want to hear from me for 6 months and never have anything to do with me again, only 3 weeks ago.
Do I stand a chance here? Good signs?
Hey George,
Instead of asking her out immediately, I'd recommend you have a few light hearted text conversations with her. But if you think asking her out will work, then go for it. I think you should wait another couple of weeks before asking her out.
Hey kevin,
He broke up with me this january after a relation of one year,because our families would not accept our relation but along with that i think there are other reasons in his mind too which he wont disclose.
I pestered him to take me back..i did all the things you told not to do..it was like i was selling myself by telling him what all i "wish" /"can" do for him...
Then i came across your website..i really wanna thankyou..you're the best!!
I started with no contact on 9th feb and since 5 days he is messaging me on facebook telling me that he miss me,asking when will i come online..saying he misses me a lot..
Even liking my paintings on facebook.
Now i read his messages,mark them unread so that we cannot know that i read his messages,should i continue to mark his messages unread or i should ket the "seen" come below his messages?
Also after my no contact period how will i concant him..because he doesnt have a cell now..
PS:he doesnt check emails,sending a letter through post is not possible.
You can just send him a message on facebook. If he keeps on messaging you, just tell him that you need some space and time you'll appreciate it if he gives it to you.
You can just send him a message on facebook. If he keeps on messaging you, just tell him that you need some space and time you'll appreciate it if he gives it to you.
Hi Kevin,
So my ex and I have been broken up for a little over a month and that first week, I had texted him as a normal person would wanting to talk. So then I let it got for another week and said I felt bad for what happened and if we could maybe talk about things to get some insight on what went wrong because to be honest we never really fought or did anything malicious to each other. Maybe 2 weeks after that I texted him "miss you, hope you're okay" to no avail of course...so then I really initiated NC and it's been about 3 and a half weeks. Not responding to my texts at all is what has me scratching my head. At the time of the breakup, he was going thru a lot of busyness and stress (he wells at an airport) and so we had been seeing each other less than normal...but it wasn't THAT bad because I knew I'd eventually see him. But the fact that I expressed concern and said that his schedule not changing "might be a problem" bothered him I think. Do you think I still have a chance of getting back if he hasn't responded to any texts in the past month?
Yes I do think you have a chance. I'll also recommend you extend no contact to 45 days.
Yes I do think you have a chance. I'll also recommend you extend no contact to 45 days.
Hi Kevin! You answered one of previous questions before which was about running into my ex bf one week shy of 30 days of NC & us still having feelings. You said to not start NC all over again & when I'm ready I should ask him out. So now I want to know what do I do next? I'm still a little scared about asking him out. Besides last Wednesday, we hadn't seen or talked to each other for two months! He told me he loved me but what would you do in this situation? Also do you think "Text Your Ex Back" or "ExBoyfriend Recovery Pro" are good strategies?
I haven't read "Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro", but yes "Text your ex back" has some good texting strategies. If you subscribed to my email newsletter (if you haven't you really should. You can subscribe at the end of this article), then you'd know I recommend "Relationship Rewind".
I recommend you wait till the time you are ready and then send him a text. Use one of the texts in this article or the ones mentioned in "text your ex back" or the "relationship rewind" program.
I haven't read "Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro", but yes "Text your ex back" has some good texting strategies. If you subscribed to my email newsletter (if you haven't you really should. You can subscribe at the end of this article), then you'd know I recommend "Relationship Rewind".
I recommend you wait till the time you are ready and then send him a text. Use one of the texts in this article or the ones mentioned in "text your ex back" or the "relationship rewind" program.
Hi Kevin ok... So I can't believe I'm doing this but u seem like you know what your talking about so here it goes... I dated my ex for 5 years we've been in love since I was 13 ... Recently almost 2 mths ago we got in a stupid stupid fight and the next day he wouldn't return my phone calls or texts and next thing I knew he was moving to live with his dad ...(he lived with his mom) ... There had been a lot of stress in his life and he wasn't happy where he was at in his life.. So anyways he drank and partied every night before he left and then he left ... Didn't come see me nothing... And I made all the common mistakes... Begging, pleading , crying , and millions of calls and text messages .... Anyways come that month and a half mark he contacted me (I've never done no contact) but he said "I really hate not having you" and I responded and turns out we still had feelings for eachother ... We facetimed one night and realized we were both still in love with eachother ... And things got heated :/ "sexually" and we agreed we were going to take a couple and then most likely get back together ... Well the next day I had saw he had commented on this girls photo but didn't see it was from a week prior and automatically jumped to conclusions... Because I felt he was playing me etc... Which it turned out nothing was going on and she had a bf... So I blew it ... Since then he drinks every night when he never did before and I guess got really drunk and if it's the truth slept with some girl he didn't really know ... Which really hurt :( ...And now I wish I could go back but ya ... So I always cave and text him because I'm afraid he won't ... And he'll forget about me .... And I asked him today is it really over and he's so short with me yes .. But he won't tell me he doesn't love me anymore etc... Am I in denial or is there a chance I can win him back ... I'm so in love with him and I'm going crazy without him and he seems like he's great and fine and doesn't care about me anymore :/... What do u suggest I do? Thank u in advance soo much!
Yes, you do have a chance to win him back. Start applying no contact.
Omg u replied! Your awesome thank you! He's still drinking and smoking and getting high and talking to all these girls ..... But I'm refusing to contact him before the 30 days and maybe even after... I asked him here a few days ago is it really over really time to move on? And he said yes it is ... And that he was over me ... So I said ok... When we were dating there was this guy I always blew off but would always fb message me "never have him my number" and my ex got mad and yelled at him and said leave my girl alone... Well the other day I guess he messaged him on fb and said "hey you and bre aren't dating that mean she free game? And he wrote back "learn how to spell" "I was just wondering if y'all's were still talking! "What there's no one else u could go after really!" ... But I found out about this conversation because he text me and said "tell your friends to leave me alone!!!" I said" leave me alone ... U don't reply to any of my messages and you say udc about me I didn't ask him to do it so deal with it.... " and he replied fuck you then! .... You are seriously a life saver I would love to hear your input on this? Is he just in denial and running from his feelings or what's going on? :/ he's so confusing...
Yeah, from that incident, it definitely seems like he still has feelings for you. Don't think too much about what is going on in his head. The simple answer is he's confused. Follow no contact for 30 days. It'll give both of you time to clear your head and realize what you really want.
Your awesome Kevin! :))) I was driving myself nuts and thought I screwed it up but I'll follow through then ! Thank u thank u!
All the best. :)
All the best. :)
All the best. :)
All the best. :)
All the best. :)
All the best. :)
Your awesome Kevin! :))) I was driving myself nuts and thought I screwed it up but I'll follow through then ! Thank u thank u!
Your awesome Kevin! :))) I was driving myself nuts and thought I screwed it up but I'll follow through then ! Thank u thank u!
Your awesome Kevin! :))) I was driving myself nuts and thought I screwed it up but I'll follow through then ! Thank u thank u!
Your awesome Kevin! :))) I was driving myself nuts and thought I screwed it up but I'll follow through then ! Thank u thank u!
Yeah, from that incident, it definitely seems like he still has feelings for you. Don't think too much about what is going on in his head. The simple answer is he's confused. Follow no contact for 30 days. It'll give both of you time to clear your head and realize what you really want.
Yeah, from that incident, it definitely seems like he still has feelings for you. Don't think too much about what is going on in his head. The simple answer is he's confused. Follow no contact for 30 days. It'll give both of you time to clear your head and realize what you really want.
Yeah, from that incident, it definitely seems like he still has feelings for you. Don't think too much about what is going on in his head. The simple answer is he's confused. Follow no contact for 30 days. It'll give both of you time to clear your head and realize what you really want.
Omg u replied! Your awesome thank you! He's still drinking and smoking and getting high and talking to all these girls ..... But I'm refusing to contact him before the 30 days and maybe even after... I asked him here a few days ago is it really over really time to move on? And he said yes it is ... And that he was over me ... So I said ok... When we were dating there was this guy I always blew off but would always fb message me "never have him my number" and my ex got mad and yelled at him and said leave my girl alone... Well the other day I guess he messaged him on fb and said "hey you and bre aren't dating that mean she free game? And he wrote back "learn how to spell" "I was just wondering if y'all's were still talking! "What there's no one else u could go after really!" ... But I found out about this conversation because he text me and said "tell your friends to leave me alone!!!" I said" leave me alone ... U don't reply to any of my messages and you say udc about me I didn't ask him to do it so deal with it.... " and he replied fuck you then! .... You are seriously a life saver I would love to hear your input on this? Is he just in denial and running from his feelings or what's going on? :/ he's so confusing...
Omg u replied! Your awesome thank you! He's still drinking and smoking and getting high and talking to all these girls ..... But I'm refusing to contact him before the 30 days and maybe even after... I asked him here a few days ago is it really over really time to move on? And he said yes it is ... And that he was over me ... So I said ok... When we were dating there was this guy I always blew off but would always fb message me "never have him my number" and my ex got mad and yelled at him and said leave my girl alone... Well the other day I guess he messaged him on fb and said "hey you and bre aren't dating that mean she free game? And he wrote back "learn how to spell" "I was just wondering if y'all's were still talking! "What there's no one else u could go after really!" ... But I found out about this conversation because he text me and said "tell your friends to leave me alone!!!" I said" leave me alone ... U don't reply to any of my messages and you say udc about me I didn't ask him to do it so deal with it.... " and he replied fuck you then! .... You are seriously a life saver I would love to hear your input on this? Is he just in denial and running from his feelings or what's going on? :/ he's so confusing...
Yes, you do have a chance to win him back. Start applying no contact.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of two years and I went on a trip last valentine's day, but during the trip, he broke up with me and confessed that he met someone and would want to court her and told me that he wouldn't take no for an answer. I gave him his freedom because I don't want to trap him and blame me for the rest of his life. Half of my heart wants to move on, and the other half wants to fight and get him back. What should i do? Thank you.
Maggueritte
Apply no contact. Think hard during no contact if you want to be with someone who would bail on you so easily.
Apply no contact. Think hard during no contact if you want to be with someone who would bail on you so easily.
Kevin...........your website is amazing. I have been in a relationship for twelve years, and cheated about 7 years ago, my partner has never forgiven me, and instead says we can never get back the trust and he stayed and tried. In the last 6 years he has constantly picked on this incident in every fight, and its been like punishment. he stopped taking me out, the affection and responsibility but expected everything to work because he says I don't understand my cheating has changed him as a person, and that's why he reacted the way he did in the last 6 years. we have been trying to end things for a while, recently he did, well its been two days, and in his text messages he says if he could try again he would but right now we need time to heal individually from the last couple years, and that I don't understand him. I felt like he did not respect me to become so nasty towards me almost like punishment, can you advise, what I can do in this situation.
Hey,
Your best bet is to give him some space and time. Apply no contact and build attraction. If he is hesitant to start the relationship because of the past, propose going to couples therapy or individual therapy.
dear kevin...................
thanks for the reply, I feel really horrible that I hurt him, why can he not get over this, it was not physically cheating just emotional. is he justified in hurting me and punishing me for the last 6 years. is it that I really don't understand?
No, he is absolutely not justified. He could've ended the relationship at that time. That would have been justified. But if he decided to make the relationship work despite your cheating, he had no right to hurt you and punish you for a mistake over and over again.
No, he is absolutely not justified. He could've ended the relationship at that time. That would have been justified. But if he decided to make the relationship work despite your cheating, he had no right to hurt you and punish you for a mistake over and over again.
No, he is absolutely not justified. He could've ended the relationship at that time. That would have been justified. But if he decided to make the relationship work despite your cheating, he had no right to hurt you and punish you for a mistake over and over again.
No, he is absolutely not justified. He could've ended the relationship at that time. That would have been justified. But if he decided to make the relationship work despite your cheating, he had no right to hurt you and punish you for a mistake over and over again.
dear kevin...................
thanks for the reply, I feel really horrible that I hurt him, why can he not get over this, it was not physically cheating just emotional. is he justified in hurting me and punishing me for the last 6 years. is it that I really don't understand?
dear kevin...................
thanks for the reply, I feel really horrible that I hurt him, why can he not get over this, it was not physically cheating just emotional. is he justified in hurting me and punishing me for the last 6 years. is it that I really don't understand?
Hey,
Your best bet is to give him some space and time. Apply no contact and build attraction. If he is hesitant to start the relationship because of the past, propose going to couples therapy or individual therapy.
Hi kevin, I and my boyfriend broke up 2.5 months ago. We have been together for past 3 years and we have broken up couple of times before but we always made through it and came back as a couple. He was way too possessive. I've already apologised for my mistakes, pleaded, cried, begged, done almost everything to get him back but nothing actually works. We study in the same school, we are classmates, we belong to same group and we share same tutions. When I'm with him alone, he just can't resist himself, his eyes light up, his heart skips a beat and I feel the same old warmth. He says, he loves me but his concious is not allowing him to be with me. He intentionally does things to make me hate him. I've already told him that now I've given up on him, he texted but I did not reply. I'm on my no contact period, so I avoid making a eye contact with him but I often catch him looking at me. No idea what to do, please help.
Hello Kevin. I'm so fratello for your work! It's working out... when I thought that everything was lost. I'm ask ingresso for a tip though. It's the third week of the no contact rule and he sent me a message without any purpose... Just to provoke my reaction. How am i supposed to behave? Can I ignore his messages or should I answer politely? How do I make him call him instead of sending messages like if he's 13?
Hey,
Don't answer him yet. If he keeps on contacting you, tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Hey,
Don't answer him yet. If he keeps on contacting you, tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up 5 months ago, after a 3 year relationship. I followed the no contact rule for about 2 months. Then we wrote a couple of emails to eachother to explain how we both felt about the breakup and why it happened. He then wrote to me to wish me and my family a happy new year. We wrote some emails again to tell eachother what was going on in our lives. On Valentine's Day, I remind him what a good time we had for Valentine's Day last year when we were in Bali and told him I missed him loads. He didn't reply straight away and then he answered this:
"Yea it was nice, I like to think of the times we spent together I have loads and loads of amazing memories of the time we spent together.
I'm sorry I didn't reply straight away, it just caught me a little off guard is all. You weren't being intrusive. It was a nice thought.
Hope you are all well, take care x"
I still love him and think we could be happy together again. We live very far away from eachother so I can't ask him to just meet up for a coffee or something. What should I say or do now? Thanks for your help.
Hey C,
Start talking more and have fun with the conversations. If you guys start connecting over emails, it'll make him attracted to you again. To meet up, one of you will have to plan a trip and for that, you need to build more attraction via emails.
Hey C,
Start talking more and have fun with the conversations. If you guys start connecting over emails, it'll make him attracted to you again. To meet up, one of you will have to plan a trip and for that, you need to build more attraction via emails.
I have been in a long distance realtionship wid my girl friend for about 2 and half years now…we did meet many times in between but basically she got busy with work etc.I started feeling that we arent able to spend time as usual and started missing her we had fights about this.But one day she mentioned she feels like she is in a cage etc and wants to breakup.I tried convincing her and etc but nothing helped…i waited for a week but in the mean time .I tried contacting her frnds to persuade her but she dint like it.She was furious that I spoke to her friends about personal things. She blocked me every where and says she hates me to the core.I dont really know what to do .Her cousin just spoke to her and she said even if the worst happens I am not gonna be wid him and I dont want him.We loved each other so much and planned a family togther as well. I am not sure what do i do now. Just stop all contact for a month or so.Or is it not going to be any good?.I sent her a Valentines day wish by text and she reacted in a very violent way and wanted me to get lost.She blocked all the mutual friends.I surely feel that I would get her back and even my friends etc say the same.Please advise
Yeah, stop contact for a month. She's angry so she needs time to start feeling better.
She has been posting happy pics on her facebook and whatsap etc ...she isnt missing me after a 2 and half years of a realtionship? or is she trying to make me jealous?
Definitely trying to make you jealous.
She is no longer active on social media...got to know from her frnd that she is deeply hurt and angry that i involved more people in the relationship .Her frnd also told me she is so angry that if i present myself before her now she might even kill me ..She is also crying a lot over it. Am not sure what could i do? she is also not using her phone as well...as feeling sad that she is weeping coz of me ...please advise
Give her time. Let her go through her emotions and anger. Stop contacting her friends about her. Stop trying to figure out what's going on in her life. You are defeating the purpose of no contact. You need to stay away from her for one month and try to keep her out of your mind as much as possible.
Give her time. Let her go through her emotions and anger. Stop contacting her friends about her. Stop trying to figure out what's going on in her life. You are defeating the purpose of no contact. You need to stay away from her for one month and try to keep her out of your mind as much as possible.
Give her time. Let her go through her emotions and anger. Stop contacting her friends about her. Stop trying to figure out what's going on in her life. You are defeating the purpose of no contact. You need to stay away from her for one month and try to keep her out of your mind as much as possible.
Give her time. Let her go through her emotions and anger. Stop contacting her friends about her. Stop trying to figure out what's going on in her life. You are defeating the purpose of no contact. You need to stay away from her for one month and try to keep her out of your mind as much as possible.
Give her time. Let her go through her emotions and anger. Stop contacting her friends about her. Stop trying to figure out what's going on in her life. You are defeating the purpose of no contact. You need to stay away from her for one month and try to keep her out of your mind as much as possible.
Give her time. Let her go through her emotions and anger. Stop contacting her friends about her. Stop trying to figure out what's going on in her life. You are defeating the purpose of no contact. You need to stay away from her for one month and try to keep her out of your mind as much as possible.
She is no longer active on social media...got to know from her frnd that she is deeply hurt and angry that i involved more people in the relationship .Her frnd also told me she is so angry that if i present myself before her now she might even kill me ..She is also crying a lot over it. Am not sure what could i do? she is also not using her phone as well...as feeling sad that she is weeping coz of me ...please advise
She is no longer active on social media...got to know from her frnd that she is deeply hurt and angry that i involved more people in the relationship .Her frnd also told me she is so angry that if i present myself before her now she might even kill me ..She is also crying a lot over it. Am not sure what could i do? she is also not using her phone as well...as feeling sad that she is weeping coz of me ...please advise
She is no longer active on social media...got to know from her frnd that she is deeply hurt and angry that i involved more people in the relationship .Her frnd also told me she is so angry that if i present myself before her now she might even kill me ..She is also crying a lot over it. Am not sure what could i do? she is also not using her phone as well...as feeling sad that she is weeping coz of me ...please advise
She is no longer active on social media...got to know from her frnd that she is deeply hurt and angry that i involved more people in the relationship .Her frnd also told me she is so angry that if i present myself before her now she might even kill me ..She is also crying a lot over it. Am not sure what could i do? she is also not using her phone as well...as feeling sad that she is weeping coz of me ...please advise
Definitely trying to make you jealous.
Definitely trying to make you jealous.
Definitely trying to make you jealous.
She has been posting happy pics on her facebook and whatsap etc ...she isnt missing me after a 2 and half years of a realtionship? or is she trying to make me jealous?
She has been posting happy pics on her facebook and whatsap etc ...she isnt missing me after a 2 and half years of a realtionship? or is she trying to make me jealous?
Yeah, stop contact for a month. She's angry so she needs time to start feeling better.
I had a crush on my ex-girlfriend for 3 years n we were sort of like a friend (class mates). I was shy but she talked me into a relation n after a lot of courage I proposed, later we started dating n I had a relation for 4 1/2 year,a steady relationship. We used to talk on phone often but we used to meet once every month, even though I wanted to see her everyday. all the plans n time were done n given by her because her parents were strict n we used to go out secretly. On our relationship we used to have our argument but after 3 year it started deteriorating, but finally after 4 1/2 year we were talking normally on the phone n she wanted to break up n at that time I was emotionally wrecked so I felt like saying yes was the best even though I didn't wanted to nor did I know what the reason for breakup was. the next day I felt like I did something stupid but didn't had the courage to call her or keep in touch. so I just keep quiet blaming myself n thinking if she is happy then why am I interfering. It has been 2 years n within this time I tried to contact her but sometimes I used to get ignored n sometimes she would be so close, n within this 2 years I still haven't forgotten her I still feel the same way I used to do. she kept saying she had moved on wanted me to move on too but I haven't been able to. I used to ask her to get back but she kept declining n said that she didn't want a relation but recently she started dating this guys a month ago, when I found it I felt so shocked, so I gathered all my courage and I asked her, but then poured all my feeling about how I was feeling instead. I am feeling deeply mortified, do I have any chance of getting my ex back?
Hey,
Well, you have to start no contact again for at least one month. Since it's been 2 years, I can't say for sure if it's a rebound relationship. But your best bet is to follow the plan once and if it doesn't work, move on.
Hey,
Well, you have to start no contact again for at least one month. Since it's been 2 years, I can't say for sure if it's a rebound relationship. But your best bet is to follow the plan once and if it doesn't work, move on.
Hello Kevin,
I really appreciate what you do in order to help all of us, that's great and shows that u re a hell of a man. When i finally discovered your site after days of searching and searching about heartbreaking i feel like I AM SAVED!!! Now i haven't read all of your advises yet but i am willing to read them all again and again so i can apply them perfectly cause SHE really worths it. I hope you read all of my story cause i m going to talk to you open. The reason? I got nobody else to talk to. I ll sit down and write to YOU because I believe that you can help me. I would appreciate if you told me your opinion about my situation and if there is indeed any hope to get her back after what has happened. So get ready, here i start.
I am 22 and she is 17. She is still going to high school at the final class and it's the year where she s studying more than ever for her panhellenic exams which will determine if she ll pass to some kind of college (u know). We knew right from the beginning it would be difficult to see each other a lot but i was so determined this thing will last that i told her, no, I promised her that i will not give up on her neither anything else! Btw i have to menshion something also important. During this exam period her parents didn't want to have any kind of relationships, u know no boys sweetheart as they said. And we were only seeing each other weekends and only for 3-4 hours the most! Oh and don't forgot to mention that every time we were together she was always receiving calls especially from her dad to check her and see where she is. In other words that F phone of hers was ringing all the time and her parents never let her in peace. But we could handle it and tolerate it and it was ok. We were really happy and in love with each other for real! And every day that was passing this "feeling" was growing and growing even more!
And now after 3 months THIS happened. I also have to tell u that except all this pressure she already had from her routine and lessons she faced another pressure inside the house. Her parents and her little sister (she is 15) tend to argue a lot of times and that always ended up with her locked in her room, turning really upset and ungry and almost every time crying. I was always there for her to listen to what she had to say and calm her down, but during this state of panic she was, she was throwing really mean and ugly words and saying nasty things i know she didn't mean. That has happened a number of times and the only thing i wished the most, was to finally end the school pass her exams successfully, so that first of all finally relax from this pressure and then stop hiding from her parents and generally have a "hidden" relationship.
Now, one day she suffered another argument this time from her sister. She was completely out of her mind really really really upset and we talked about what happened from facebook chat. But man, that day she was so pissed of and was saying again so harmful things, but this time for me too. I knew she didn't mean them of course. She was saying "why i was born, why do i have to suffer, damn u all, i wanna die" and stuff like that (things she was saying every time her parents and her sister were driving her mad). She cursed people and generally was completely out of line. I couldn't see her suffer like that man, i felt really awful and useless that i couldn't do anything from where i was. Meanwhile i told her exactly this but in the form of question: "Honey what do u want me to do, tell you to go and kill yourself or smoke some weed to end it?" And guess what happened: inside her panic she understood that i told her to go do all that the positive way!!! I told her immediatelly "honey noooo!! i didn't tell it that way!!! How is it possible to want something like that for you?!?!!" She responded "I don't know". And from that day on she s really hurt from that and she can't forget it or understand i didn't tell it the positive way. But we didn't end there. No.
4 days after that we were talking from facebook again and we were cool. I don't know what happened to me at that moment but suddenly out of nowhere i got desperate and i told her this. "My love you are my life. I don't know what i would do without you. Please don't ever leave me. I don't want you to get bored with me". And stuff like that. She said "Baby chill, u know i m not gonna leave you. What's the matter with you now?? Stop wining like a bitch and just relax!" I said "ok i m sorry you re right. I don't know why i behaved like this and i won't do it again. Disappointing you and hurting you is not even the last thing i wanna do to you." She: "Stop saying sorry. Prove it with actions!" I told her of course baby, that's exactly what i m gonna do from now on.
And finally the kicker which led to the breakup. 2 days after that, in fact 2 saturdays ago my girl had to go to some sort of party at a house. But she would go along with her parents and obviously i couldn't come. Also she would go with her best friend and his parents too. And here i have to tell u that the brother of her best friend was her ex. He would be there too. She told me i knew it and i had no problem with that. I said this: "Honey, i m not going to disturb you at all tonight. Only when you text me. Just go and have fun!" She said "ok i will."
I kept my word and didn't send anything. At 2 in the evening she text me and said "Honey we are at a club". With her best friend and her ex. I didn't know they would go at a club later on. I texted "ok honey just watch out and don't drink too much cause he might do anything to you" (the ex). She replied "come on now, nothing is gonna happen stop". I said "ok honey, u know i trust you. I m just saying. Are u having fun there?" After sometime has passed she replied "everything is perfect and i like it here". I asked her "Wouldn't you like me to be there with you?" And after that i swear i would go to sleep. She said this: "EVERYTHING IS SO PERFECT HERE. I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT YOU TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW. I AM HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME." I said "Baby what do u mean you don't know?" After a while she replies "EVERYTHING IS SO BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE!!" Suddenly a felt my stomach burning and twisting. I couldn't sleep after that, i was worried. A LOT. I said "Honey what's wrong are you ok??!" And after that the only things she continued texting was how beautiful was there, that she was dancing with everyone including her ex and she never wanted to leave that place. And at some point she started to talked to me like i was her worst enemy! She said stuff like "You don't love me! You don't like that i am having fun without you! You hate me so I hate you too!! And you re a bastard!!" Words that hurt me and stabbed me in the heart. Man i was a hell of a mess. I couldn't sleep anymore.
Next day... i just waited for her to wake up in order to talk about that night. When i texted her to see if she s ok, she was answering after a long time has passed and she was texting me "druged" answers. Obviously she had still the effects from last night. Around 12 midnight she texted me finally, and told me to log in to facebook. And we talked from there.
Baby what happened?? Are you ok? I asked again and again. She wasn't ok at all and i could sense that. We start talking but it was like i was talking to another person, not the person i knew.. She was "cold" towards me like she was the day before, and suddenly words like HONEY and LOVE stopped to exist. My stomach upset was getting even worse by the moment. She started remembering things and told me everything that happened! I couldn't believe what i was hearing man. She remembered taking some sort of "pill" I don't know if it was ecstasy. She told me she was dancing with everybody and also did some twerking at the dj. But here comes the worst of them all. Her ex gave her some coke AND SHE TOOK IT!!!!!! We started arguing really hard about that and exchanged really nasty words, mostly her. That conversation unfortunately ended like this: She said and i quote "I did it because i chose to do it. It's not "HIS" fault. I realised that i don't need you in my life in order to be happy!! You don't like it when im having fun without you!! And I am tired of you wining all the time!! You forced my love for you to disappear!! It s over John!!!"
At that moment of course I broke in half and told her "Come on baby, u can't mean that. You are not thinking clean!" She said "NOW i am thinking more clean than ever!" I said "please baby think it again. After you finish and pass the exams everything will become a lot easier. Just a little more patience and i will be here for you till the end."
She flad out said "Stop. And there won't be moving forward anymore for us. Deal with it!!"
Man i feel like trash, like nobody. I ve never experienced such a pain before. I still love her and i don't want anything bad to happen to her. I always wanted her to be happy and not only when she was with me. All i think of is her and what she is doing. I want her back. Now i have already start the no contact and i plan not to talk to her until she finishes with all that exams she has. These will finish about 3 months from now. 3 months no contact, what do you think? Is there any hope in the world to get her back after all that things that have happened?? Every help you can give me is much appreciated...
Thank you!
Hey John, your case was just like mine, remember it was happen on May, last year.
My girlfriend is 18 years old, and I'm 27. We've been together for almost 3 months. At first it is wonderful, until a night, she told me she go to a pub with friend, and I was like you, I let her go, and wish her to have a good night.
But then she call me in the 3 midnight, telling me she is so wonderful, and even lie to me that she arrived home.
The other days, on afternoon 12, her brother call me and ask what the hell I gave to my girlfriend, after a long conversation only I learned that my girlfriend take drugs, and just got back home on 11am. The whole conversation back on 3am was a lie!!! But I am too blind to see the truth, I trust her, she told me she was innocent, being trap. People put things into her drink. I keep convience myself there's nothing happen on that night, she was just innocent. She promise me she will stay away from drugs.
But things get worst, she going to philippines for travel(alone), I found that she keeps photos hugging with a strange person. We've argue this for couple times, but she got tons of excuses. She always go out with new friends on internet, all of them are male, and dating with these new friend. But she spend like almost 5 hours with those so called friend. She back home on 3am. We ofcourse argue for that. And she suddenly seems short of cash, find herself a partime job. Since then she request me for more privacy, she lock up her phone, change her fb password, has a cough that never cure, and even change her sleep time. We always argue for I feeling insecure, whenever I call her, she say she is in home, but she lie to me.
Her attention is drifting away from me. As we meet once every week, she's busying texting with another guy. And she even told me she was busy on the valentine day, but she actually reserve it for another guy. I decide to tailgating her on valentine's night, and catch her on the spot, she is with another man, kissing, hug with him. I was so mad and slap in her face. We're officially broke up.
But the day after, her friend told me my ex was actually taking drugs for few months. This explain why she need a partime job all of sudden, she lie to me she's at home, and why she sleep all days. according to her friend, she even sleep with another man that take drugs with her. And guess what, she said it's my fault, to giving her too much pressure and she have to take drugs. My relationship has too much abusive. :(
I read through this site today, and I totally agree that we need times to reconsider on our ex. In my case, I ofcourse share the responsibility, I'm the one who always reserve excuses for her. Letting my ex hurt me again and again and again. This site has very strong idea how to get ex back, but I'll reserve this for my next ex, not the current one :)
Hey John,
Yes 3 months of no contact is a good idea. And yes, there is hope she'll come back to you. From what I read, she lost her attraction because of your needy behaviour and she decided to end it. Not to mentioned the fact that she is young and quite disturbed. I have a feeling the reason you feel like you love her so much because she gives the impression of a damsel in distress and you want to be her knight in shining armour who will save her from all the troubles in the world. Relationships like that are usually based on shaky grounds and crumble at the first sign of trouble.
I know you feel like you really love her, but I want you to give this some thought in the upcoming three months.
1. You are young and so is she. You both have a lot to experience in life. Don't you think it's better if you experience a couple of other relationships before getting back with her? If she's really the one for you, you will eventually get back together.
2. She quite possibly cheated on you that night with her ex. I know you might try to justify her actions by the fact that she was drugged. But the truth is, she did choose to be drugged. She did choose to go to a club with her ex. Right now, she is trying to justify her actions by saying you don't love her and she wants to break up. But if she really felt like this, she should've broken up with you before doing something like this. Don't you think?
3. She is going through a tough time in her life. But still she has called you names that was completely uncalled for. She has communication issues. And she has quite possibly cheated on you with her ex. So to sum it up, she is sort of abusive, bad at communication and possibly a liar and a cheater. Do you want spend your entire life with a person like this?
You think? Cause she told me that her ex had the chance to do something with her the entire night but he didn't do anything except kissing her on the cheek. And she didn't even gave me the chance to meet face to face and talk about it. She end it from facebook. She once had told me that nobody else treated her so good as i have. And it can't be real that i am so perfect for her. Now 2 days ago she posted a photo of hers on fb and comment above this photo "what would you do if u knew the truth". I don't know of course if this goes for me but i can't stop being at her page all day all night!! Don't forget that i also told her that question with "killing", doesn't matter if it wasn't my fault and that i didn't mean it, but it does matter that this thing made her feel like compeletely trash and really hurt her. And i will regret that for the rest of my life!!
Now she made some mistakes i made some mistakes damn, we all do mistakes! If we didn't we wouldn't be human. There is no perfect relatioship. They all have mistakes. And i believe that the ones they LOVE they forgive each other, they fight the pain or any other obstacle and keep moving on!!! I m just saying, that you never give up on the people you love... even if they do........
I agree with Kevin, are you sure you want to be with this girl? Looks like she'll be hurting you much more if you continue being with her, if she can't even control herself when she's feeling down, and hurts the one person that loves her and tries to make her happy, she going to end up hurting you much more. No offence, this girl has mental issues. I know I don't really have a say in this, but I couldn't help but say something. I recommend, not returning in the relationship with her, there will be better girls out there who will appreciate your comfort you give them, and not hurt you with words when their feeling upset. It also seems like it will turn out to be unhealthy relationship, since she doesn't have a good mental state and you for sure will end up being hurt from the looks of it. And about her being with her ex, she shouldn't have been with him in the first place, you should've went to find her the moment you heard she went to a club with him and if her parent/father is overprotective which it seems, why didn't they worry about her going to a club like that at 2 in the morning, that also questions me about her there, and wouldn't they notice how weird she acting when getting home.
Hi guys!!
Kev thanks! I know u re right. Maybe i shouldn't get back with her especially at this point. Only if she understands her mistakes too, and i see that she ll start talking to me normally and not offending me with her words i might consider ask her go out and talk about this and getting back together. Until this thing happens i m not going to do anything else. I m tired of being the only one trying, the only one who cares and tries to see things clear.
Hey T! I don't know if u re a dude or a girl (u seem more like a dude :p). I m ok with any advise. In fact i like hear other opinions too that's why i upload my comment here in the first place. I am really glad i saw your statement too! You are both right and i will stop abusing my own head and feelings by trying to make things right, and being the only one who tries. One more thing about her ex. Yes she didn't tell me that he would be there too and she didn't tell me they would go later on at a club, maybe she didn't know it or even she didn't expect it. Anyway, what i want to say is that i asked her that night at which club they went and she said that she can't remember cause she was kind of deezy. So i couldn't go and find them. Then I found a few days later at which club they were by myself but it was already too late. Just saying.
Thanks a lot!!
Hi guys!!
Kev thanks! I know u re right. Maybe i shouldn't get back with her especially at this point. Only if she understands her mistakes too, and i see that she ll start talking to me normally and not offending me with her words i might consider ask her go out and talk about this and getting back together. Until this thing happens i m not going to do anything else. I m tired of being the only one trying, the only one who cares and tries to see things clear.
Hey T! I don't know if u re a dude or a girl (u seem more like a dude :p). I m ok with any advise. In fact i like hear other opinions too that's why i upload my comment here in the first place. I am really glad i saw your statement too! You are both right and i will stop abusing my own head and feelings by trying to make things right, and being the only one who tries. One more thing about her ex. Yes she didn't tell me that he would be there too and she didn't tell me they would go later on at a club, maybe she didn't know it or even she didn't expect it. Anyway, what i want to say is that i asked her that night at which club they went and she said that she can't remember cause she was kind of deezy. So i couldn't go and find them. Then I found a few days later at which club they were by myself but it was already too late. Just saying.
Thanks a lot!!
Hi guys!!
Kev thanks! I know u re right. Maybe i shouldn't get back with her especially at this point. Only if she understands her mistakes too, and i see that she ll start talking to me normally and not offending me with her words i might consider ask her go out and talk about this and getting back together. Until this thing happens i m not going to do anything else. I m tired of being the only one trying, the only one who cares and tries to see things clear.
Hey T! I don't know if u re a dude or a girl (u seem more like a dude :p). I m ok with any advise. In fact i like hear other opinions too that's why i upload my comment here in the first place. I am really glad i saw your statement too! You are both right and i will stop abusing my own head and feelings by trying to make things right, and being the only one who tries. One more thing about her ex. Yes she didn't tell me that he would be there too and she didn't tell me they would go later on at a club, maybe she didn't know it or even she didn't expect it. Anyway, what i want to say is that i asked her that night at which club they went and she said that she can't remember cause she was kind of deezy. So i couldn't go and find them. Then I found a few days later at which club they were by myself but it was already too late. Just saying.
Thanks a lot!!
Hi guys!!
Kev thanks! I know u re right. Maybe i shouldn't get back with her especially at this point. Only if she understands her mistakes too, and i see that she ll start talking to me normally and not offending me with her words i might consider ask her go out and talk about this and getting back together. Until this thing happens i m not going to do anything else. I m tired of being the only one trying, the only one who cares and tries to see things clear.
Hey T! I don't know if u re a dude or a girl (u seem more like a dude :p). I m ok with any advise. In fact i like hear other opinions too that's why i upload my comment here in the first place. I am really glad i saw your statement too! You are both right and i will stop abusing my own head and feelings by trying to make things right, and being the only one who tries. One more thing about her ex. Yes she didn't tell me that he would be there too and she didn't tell me they would go later on at a club, maybe she didn't know it or even she didn't expect it. Anyway, what i want to say is that i asked her that night at which club they went and she said that she can't remember cause she was kind of deezy. So i couldn't go and find them. Then I found a few days later at which club they were by myself but it was already too late. Just saying.
Thanks a lot!!
Hi guys!!
Kev thanks! I know u re right. Maybe i shouldn't get back with her especially at this point. Only if she understands her mistakes too, and i see that she ll start talking to me normally and not offending me with her words i might consider ask her go out and talk about this and getting back together. Until this thing happens i m not going to do anything else. I m tired of being the only one trying, the only one who cares and tries to see things clear.
Hey T! I don't know if u re a dude or a girl (u seem more like a dude :p). I m ok with any advise. In fact i like hear other opinions too that's why i upload my comment here in the first place. I am really glad i saw your statement too! You are both right and i will stop abusing my own head and feelings by trying to make things right, and being the only one who tries. One more thing about her ex. Yes she didn't tell me that he would be there too and she didn't tell me they would go later on at a club, maybe she didn't know it or even she didn't expect it. Anyway, what i want to say is that i asked her that night at which club they went and she said that she can't remember cause she was kind of deezy. So i couldn't go and find them. Then I found a few days later at which club they were by myself but it was already too late. Just saying.
Thanks a lot!!
Hey John,
I agree, people make mistakes and learn from them. And yes, you should fight for love. And I hope that she comes back to you and realizes her mistakes and learn from them. But unless she does realize her mistake and accepts it was a mistake, she can't learn from it. Even if you do forgive her, she must realize her mistake and learn from it. If she doesn't, she'll repeat her behavior and you'll be the only one in this relationship who will be in pain.
Regardless, you need to apply no contact and give her some time to realize what happened.
Hey Kev!!
I got some news.. Not good. You were right. She texted me from facebook yesterday and told me that she did cheat on me that night. And she said she did it beacause it was my fault and was disappointed by me. She also told me that i m a whining bitch cause i spoke with a friend of hers which she also break up with her ex too, and i asked her that day (few hours before i break up with mine) if my ex was ok, if she had any news about her and if she got home safe that night. That s all i asked her. And she told my ex lies that i was whining at her about my break up. And finally she told me (my ex) that i should be ashamed of myself and stop behaving like this cause your only embarrassing yourself and nothing will change. And that I am a looser! I broke the no contact (couldn't do else) and replied her: First off all what forced you to talk to me? (she didn't answer). Then i told "even if you did cheat on me i don't care anymore and stop telling me bullshit that makes u thing you feel better about yourself." And finally i told that her friend was lying. "I was never whining at her and if you don't believe me go and check her facebook messages the day we talked and see it for yourself, if she hasn't already deleted them!" "And now leave me alone."
She didn't say anything about the things i told her, she was only saying that i am a looser, stop playing the tough guy, that her ex who cheated at me that night is far better man than me and stuff like that... I stopped and i didn't text anything else and i m planning not to, cause she still seems upset even if she doesn't admit it... What s your opinion on that man..what do u thing should i do?
Thanks again!
Hey John,
Sorry it happened. At this point, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. And think about whether or not you want her in life. Like I said before, she can't learn from her mistakes unless she accepts it. And not only she is not accepting her mistake, she is blaming it on you and being disrespectful to you. Do you want to be with someone who treats you this way for the rest of your life. Would you cheat on her if you were disappointed in her? If you did ever cheat on her, will you abuse her after that and tell her it was her fault?
She has issues, and yes, she can work through her issues and possibly understand herself and become an understanding and responsible person. But you can not make her become that person. You might feel like you can be with her and support her with her emotional issues but you are only going to disrespect yourself by staying with her.
I don't think you should get back with her. But you are not going to listen to me, which is why I recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. You should start dating after 30 days. If during that 60 days, she realizes that it was her mistake and wants you to give her another chance, then and only then you should consider getting back together. If after that time, her attitude is still the same, then I think you'd agree you should move on.
Hey John,
Sorry it happened. At this point, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. And think about whether or not you want her in life. Like I said before, she can't learn from her mistakes unless she accepts it. And not only she is not accepting her mistake, she is blaming it on you and being disrespectful to you. Do you want to be with someone who treats you this way for the rest of your life. Would you cheat on her if you were disappointed in her? If you did ever cheat on her, will you abuse her after that and tell her it was her fault?
She has issues, and yes, she can work through her issues and possibly understand herself and become an understanding and responsible person. But you can not make her become that person. You might feel like you can be with her and support her with her emotional issues but you are only going to disrespect yourself by staying with her.
I don't think you should get back with her. But you are not going to listen to me, which is why I recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. You should start dating after 30 days. If during that 60 days, she realizes that it was her mistake and wants you to give her another chance, then and only then you should consider getting back together. If after that time, her attitude is still the same, then I think you'd agree you should move on.
Hey John,
Sorry it happened. At this point, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. And think about whether or not you want her in life. Like I said before, she can't learn from her mistakes unless she accepts it. And not only she is not accepting her mistake, she is blaming it on you and being disrespectful to you. Do you want to be with someone who treats you this way for the rest of your life. Would you cheat on her if you were disappointed in her? If you did ever cheat on her, will you abuse her after that and tell her it was her fault?
She has issues, and yes, she can work through her issues and possibly understand herself and become an understanding and responsible person. But you can not make her become that person. You might feel like you can be with her and support her with her emotional issues but you are only going to disrespect yourself by staying with her.
I don't think you should get back with her. But you are not going to listen to me, which is why I recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. You should start dating after 30 days. If during that 60 days, she realizes that it was her mistake and wants you to give her another chance, then and only then you should consider getting back together. If after that time, her attitude is still the same, then I think you'd agree you should move on.
Hey John,
Sorry it happened. At this point, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. And think about whether or not you want her in life. Like I said before, she can't learn from her mistakes unless she accepts it. And not only she is not accepting her mistake, she is blaming it on you and being disrespectful to you. Do you want to be with someone who treats you this way for the rest of your life. Would you cheat on her if you were disappointed in her? If you did ever cheat on her, will you abuse her after that and tell her it was her fault?
She has issues, and yes, she can work through her issues and possibly understand herself and become an understanding and responsible person. But you can not make her become that person. You might feel like you can be with her and support her with her emotional issues but you are only going to disrespect yourself by staying with her.
I don't think you should get back with her. But you are not going to listen to me, which is why I recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. You should start dating after 30 days. If during that 60 days, she realizes that it was her mistake and wants you to give her another chance, then and only then you should consider getting back together. If after that time, her attitude is still the same, then I think you'd agree you should move on.
Hey John,
Sorry it happened. At this point, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. And think about whether or not you want her in life. Like I said before, she can't learn from her mistakes unless she accepts it. And not only she is not accepting her mistake, she is blaming it on you and being disrespectful to you. Do you want to be with someone who treats you this way for the rest of your life. Would you cheat on her if you were disappointed in her? If you did ever cheat on her, will you abuse her after that and tell her it was her fault?
She has issues, and yes, she can work through her issues and possibly understand herself and become an understanding and responsible person. But you can not make her become that person. You might feel like you can be with her and support her with her emotional issues but you are only going to disrespect yourself by staying with her.
I don't think you should get back with her. But you are not going to listen to me, which is why I recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. You should start dating after 30 days. If during that 60 days, she realizes that it was her mistake and wants you to give her another chance, then and only then you should consider getting back together. If after that time, her attitude is still the same, then I think you'd agree you should move on.
Hey John,
Sorry it happened. At this point, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. And think about whether or not you want her in life. Like I said before, she can't learn from her mistakes unless she accepts it. And not only she is not accepting her mistake, she is blaming it on you and being disrespectful to you. Do you want to be with someone who treats you this way for the rest of your life. Would you cheat on her if you were disappointed in her? If you did ever cheat on her, will you abuse her after that and tell her it was her fault?
She has issues, and yes, she can work through her issues and possibly understand herself and become an understanding and responsible person. But you can not make her become that person. You might feel like you can be with her and support her with her emotional issues but you are only going to disrespect yourself by staying with her.
I don't think you should get back with her. But you are not going to listen to me, which is why I recommend you start no contact for at least 60 days. You should start dating after 30 days. If during that 60 days, she realizes that it was her mistake and wants you to give her another chance, then and only then you should consider getting back together. If after that time, her attitude is still the same, then I think you'd agree you should move on.
Hey Kev!!
I got some news.. Not good. You were right. She texted me from facebook yesterday and told me that she did cheat on me that night. And she said she did it beacause it was my fault and was disappointed by me. She also told me that i m a whining bitch cause i spoke with a friend of hers which she also break up with her ex too, and i asked her that day (few hours before i break up with mine) if my ex was ok, if she had any news about her and if she got home safe that night. That s all i asked her. And she told my ex lies that i was whining at her about my break up. And finally she told me (my ex) that i should be ashamed of myself and stop behaving like this cause your only embarrassing yourself and nothing will change. And that I am a looser! I broke the no contact (couldn't do else) and replied her: First off all what forced you to talk to me? (she didn't answer). Then i told "even if you did cheat on me i don't care anymore and stop telling me bullshit that makes u thing you feel better about yourself." And finally i told that her friend was lying. "I was never whining at her and if you don't believe me go and check her facebook messages the day we talked and see it for yourself, if she hasn't already deleted them!" "And now leave me alone."
She didn't say anything about the things i told her, she was only saying that i am a looser, stop playing the tough guy, that her ex who cheated at me that night is far better man than me and stuff like that... I stopped and i didn't text anything else and i m planning not to, cause she still seems upset even if she doesn't admit it... What s your opinion on that man..what do u thing should i do?
Thanks again!
Hey Kev!!
I got some news.. Not good. You were right. She texted me from facebook yesterday and told me that she did cheat on me that night. And she said she did it beacause it was my fault and was disappointed by me. She also told me that i m a whining bitch cause i spoke with a friend of hers which she also break up with her ex too, and i asked her that day (few hours before i break up with mine) if my ex was ok, if she had any news about her and if she got home safe that night. That s all i asked her. And she told my ex lies that i was whining at her about my break up. And finally she told me (my ex) that i should be ashamed of myself and stop behaving like this cause your only embarrassing yourself and nothing will change. And that I am a looser! I broke the no contact (couldn't do else) and replied her: First off all what forced you to talk to me? (she didn't answer). Then i told "even if you did cheat on me i don't care anymore and stop telling me bullshit that makes u thing you feel better about yourself." And finally i told that her friend was lying. "I was never whining at her and if you don't believe me go and check her facebook messages the day we talked and see it for yourself, if she hasn't already deleted them!" "And now leave me alone."
She didn't say anything about the things i told her, she was only saying that i am a looser, stop playing the tough guy, that her ex who cheated at me that night is far better man than me and stuff like that... I stopped and i didn't text anything else and i m planning not to, cause she still seems upset even if she doesn't admit it... What s your opinion on that man..what do u thing should i do?
Thanks again!
Hey Kev!!
I got some news.. Not good. You were right. She texted me from facebook yesterday and told me that she did cheat on me that night. And she said she did it beacause it was my fault and was disappointed by me. She also told me that i m a whining bitch cause i spoke with a friend of hers which she also break up with her ex too, and i asked her that day (few hours before i break up with mine) if my ex was ok, if she had any news about her and if she got home safe that night. That s all i asked her. And she told my ex lies that i was whining at her about my break up. And finally she told me (my ex) that i should be ashamed of myself and stop behaving like this cause your only embarrassing yourself and nothing will change. And that I am a looser! I broke the no contact (couldn't do else) and replied her: First off all what forced you to talk to me? (she didn't answer). Then i told "even if you did cheat on me i don't care anymore and stop telling me bullshit that makes u thing you feel better about yourself." And finally i told that her friend was lying. "I was never whining at her and if you don't believe me go and check her facebook messages the day we talked and see it for yourself, if she hasn't already deleted them!" "And now leave me alone."
She didn't say anything about the things i told her, she was only saying that i am a looser, stop playing the tough guy, that her ex who cheated at me that night is far better man than me and stuff like that... I stopped and i didn't text anything else and i m planning not to, cause she still seems upset even if she doesn't admit it... What s your opinion on that man..what do u thing should i do?
Thanks again!
Hey Kev!!
I got some news.. Not good. You were right. She texted me from facebook yesterday and told me that she did cheat on me that night. And she said she did it beacause it was my fault and was disappointed by me. She also told me that i m a whining bitch cause i spoke with a friend of hers which she also break up with her ex too, and i asked her that day (few hours before i break up with mine) if my ex was ok, if she had any news about her and if she got home safe that night. That s all i asked her. And she told my ex lies that i was whining at her about my break up. And finally she told me (my ex) that i should be ashamed of myself and stop behaving like this cause your only embarrassing yourself and nothing will change. And that I am a looser! I broke the no contact (couldn't do else) and replied her: First off all what forced you to talk to me? (she didn't answer). Then i told "even if you did cheat on me i don't care anymore and stop telling me bullshit that makes u thing you feel better about yourself." And finally i told that her friend was lying. "I was never whining at her and if you don't believe me go and check her facebook messages the day we talked and see it for yourself, if she hasn't already deleted them!" "And now leave me alone."
She didn't say anything about the things i told her, she was only saying that i am a looser, stop playing the tough guy, that her ex who cheated at me that night is far better man than me and stuff like that... I stopped and i didn't text anything else and i m planning not to, cause she still seems upset even if she doesn't admit it... What s your opinion on that man..what do u thing should i do?
Thanks again!
I agree with Kevin, are you sure you want to be with this girl? Looks like she'll be hurting you much more if you continue being with her, if she can't even control herself when she's feeling down, and hurts the one person that loves her and tries to make her happy, she going to end up hurting you much more. No offence, this girl has mental issues. I know I don't really have a say in this, but I couldn't help but say something. I recommend, not returning in the relationship with her, there will be better girls out there who will appreciate your comfort you give them, and not hurt you with words when their feeling upset. It also seems like it will turn out to be unhealthy relationship, since she doesn't have a good mental state and you for sure will end up being hurt from the looks of it. And about her being with her ex, she shouldn't have been with him in the first place, you should've went to find her the moment you heard she went to a club with him and if her parent/father is overprotective which it seems, why didn't they worry about her going to a club like that at 2 in the morning, that also questions me about her there, and wouldn't they notice how weird she acting when getting home.
Hey John,
I agree, people make mistakes and learn from them. And yes, you should fight for love. And I hope that she comes back to you and realizes her mistakes and learn from them. But unless she does realize her mistake and accepts it was a mistake, she can't learn from it. Even if you do forgive her, she must realize her mistake and learn from it. If she doesn't, she'll repeat her behavior and you'll be the only one in this relationship who will be in pain.
Regardless, you need to apply no contact and give her some time to realize what happened.
I agree with Kevin, are you sure you want to be with this girl? Looks like she'll be hurting you much more if you continue being with her, if she can't even control herself when she's feeling down, and hurts the one person that loves her and tries to make her happy, she going to end up hurting you much more. No offence, this girl has mental issues. I know I don't really have a say in this, but I couldn't help but say something. I recommend, not returning in the relationship with her, there will be better girls out there who will appreciate your comfort you give them, and not hurt you with words when their feeling upset. It also seems like it will turn out to be unhealthy relationship, since she doesn't have a good mental state and you for sure will end up being hurt from the looks of it. And about her being with her ex, she shouldn't have been with him in the first place, you should've went to find her the moment you heard she went to a club with him and if her parent/father is overprotective which it seems, why didn't they worry about her going to a club like that at 2 in the morning, that also questions me about her there, and wouldn't they notice how weird she acting when getting home.
Hey John,
I agree, people make mistakes and learn from them. And yes, you should fight for love. And I hope that she comes back to you and realizes her mistakes and learn from them. But unless she does realize her mistake and accepts it was a mistake, she can't learn from it. Even if you do forgive her, she must realize her mistake and learn from it. If she doesn't, she'll repeat her behavior and you'll be the only one in this relationship who will be in pain.
Regardless, you need to apply no contact and give her some time to realize what happened.
I agree with Kevin, are you sure you want to be with this girl? Looks like she'll be hurting you much more if you continue being with her, if she can't even control herself when she's feeling down, and hurts the one person that loves her and tries to make her happy, she going to end up hurting you much more. No offence, this girl has mental issues. I know I don't really have a say in this, but I couldn't help but say something. I recommend, not returning in the relationship with her, there will be better girls out there who will appreciate your comfort you give them, and not hurt you with words when their feeling upset. It also seems like it will turn out to be unhealthy relationship, since she doesn't have a good mental state and you for sure will end up being hurt from the looks of it. And about her being with her ex, she shouldn't have been with him in the first place, you should've went to find her the moment you heard she went to a club with him and if her parent/father is overprotective which it seems, why didn't they worry about her going to a club like that at 2 in the morning, that also questions me about her there, and wouldn't they notice how weird she acting when getting home.
Hey John,
I agree, people make mistakes and learn from them. And yes, you should fight for love. And I hope that she comes back to you and realizes her mistakes and learn from them. But unless she does realize her mistake and accepts it was a mistake, she can't learn from it. Even if you do forgive her, she must realize her mistake and learn from it. If she doesn't, she'll repeat her behavior and you'll be the only one in this relationship who will be in pain.
Regardless, you need to apply no contact and give her some time to realize what happened.
You think? Cause she told me that her ex had the chance to do something with her the entire night but he didn't do anything except kissing her on the cheek. And she didn't even gave me the chance to meet face to face and talk about it. She end it from facebook. She once had told me that nobody else treated her so good as i have. And it can't be real that i am so perfect for her. Now 2 days ago she posted a photo of hers on fb and comment above this photo "what would you do if u knew the truth". I don't know of course if this goes for me but i can't stop being at her page all day all night!! Don't forget that i also told her that question with "killing", doesn't matter if it wasn't my fault and that i didn't mean it, but it does matter that this thing made her feel like compeletely trash and really hurt her. And i will regret that for the rest of my life!!
Now she made some mistakes i made some mistakes damn, we all do mistakes! If we didn't we wouldn't be human. There is no perfect relatioship. They all have mistakes. And i believe that the ones they LOVE they forgive each other, they fight the pain or any other obstacle and keep moving on!!! I m just saying, that you never give up on the people you love... even if they do........
You think? Cause she told me that her ex had the chance to do something with her the entire night but he didn't do anything except kissing her on the cheek. And she didn't even gave me the chance to meet face to face and talk about it. She end it from facebook. She once had told me that nobody else treated her so good as i have. And it can't be real that i am so perfect for her. Now 2 days ago she posted a photo of hers on fb and comment above this photo "what would you do if u knew the truth". I don't know of course if this goes for me but i can't stop being at her page all day all night!! Don't forget that i also told her that question with "killing", doesn't matter if it wasn't my fault and that i didn't mean it, but it does matter that this thing made her feel like compeletely trash and really hurt her. And i will regret that for the rest of my life!!
Now she made some mistakes i made some mistakes damn, we all do mistakes! If we didn't we wouldn't be human. There is no perfect relatioship. They all have mistakes. And i believe that the ones they LOVE they forgive each other, they fight the pain or any other obstacle and keep moving on!!! I m just saying, that you never give up on the people you love... even if they do........
Hey John, your case was just like mine, remember it was happen on May, last year.
My girlfriend is 18 years old, and I'm 27. We've been together for almost 3 months. At first it is wonderful, until a night, she told me she go to a pub with friend, and I was like you, I let her go, and wish her to have a good night.
But then she call me in the 3 midnight, telling me she is so wonderful, and even lie to me that she arrived home.
The other days, on afternoon 12, her brother call me and ask what the hell I gave to my girlfriend, after a long conversation only I learned that my girlfriend take drugs, and just got back home on 11am. The whole conversation back on 3am was a lie!!! But I am too blind to see the truth, I trust her, she told me she was innocent, being trap. People put things into her drink. I keep convience myself there's nothing happen on that night, she was just innocent. She promise me she will stay away from drugs.
But things get worst, she going to philippines for travel(alone), I found that she keeps photos hugging with a strange person. We've argue this for couple times, but she got tons of excuses. She always go out with new friends on internet, all of them are male, and dating with these new friend. But she spend like almost 5 hours with those so called friend. She back home on 3am. We ofcourse argue for that. And she suddenly seems short of cash, find herself a partime job. Since then she request me for more privacy, she lock up her phone, change her fb password, has a cough that never cure, and even change her sleep time. We always argue for I feeling insecure, whenever I call her, she say she is in home, but she lie to me.
Her attention is drifting away from me. As we meet once every week, she's busying texting with another guy. And she even told me she was busy on the valentine day, but she actually reserve it for another guy. I decide to tailgating her on valentine's night, and catch her on the spot, she is with another man, kissing, hug with him. I was so mad and slap in her face. We're officially broke up.
But the day after, her friend told me my ex was actually taking drugs for few months. This explain why she need a partime job all of sudden, she lie to me she's at home, and why she sleep all days. according to her friend, she even sleep with another man that take drugs with her. And guess what, she said it's my fault, to giving her too much pressure and she have to take drugs. My relationship has too much abusive. :(
I read through this site today, and I totally agree that we need times to reconsider on our ex. In my case, I ofcourse share the responsibility, I'm the one who always reserve excuses for her. Letting my ex hurt me again and again and again. This site has very strong idea how to get ex back, but I'll reserve this for my next ex, not the current one :)
Hey John,
Yes 3 months of no contact is a good idea. And yes, there is hope she'll come back to you. From what I read, she lost her attraction because of your needy behaviour and she decided to end it. Not to mentioned the fact that she is young and quite disturbed. I have a feeling the reason you feel like you love her so much because she gives the impression of a damsel in distress and you want to be her knight in shining armour who will save her from all the troubles in the world. Relationships like that are usually based on shaky grounds and crumble at the first sign of trouble.
I know you feel like you really love her, but I want you to give this some thought in the upcoming three months.
1. You are young and so is she. You both have a lot to experience in life. Don't you think it's better if you experience a couple of other relationships before getting back with her? If she's really the one for you, you will eventually get back together.
2. She quite possibly cheated on you that night with her ex. I know you might try to justify her actions by the fact that she was drugged. But the truth is, she did choose to be drugged. She did choose to go to a club with her ex. Right now, she is trying to justify her actions by saying you don't love her and she wants to break up. But if she really felt like this, she should've broken up with you before doing something like this. Don't you think?
3. She is going through a tough time in her life. But still she has called you names that was completely uncalled for. She has communication issues. And she has quite possibly cheated on you with her ex. So to sum it up, she is sort of abusive, bad at communication and possibly a liar and a cheater. Do you want spend your entire life with a person like this?
Hi Kevin. I have a question for you. She and I have been friends for a while. She ended the relationship by saying she doesn't want to be in a relationship till she's older and she just wants to get back to being only friends. We talked all day for a year even though our relationship was only 2 months long. I really like the idea of the No Contact thing, but what if she starts to think I hate her and I don't even want to be friends with her anymore. What can I do in this situation? Thanks :)
Tell her that you need some space and time. It doesn't mean that you hate her and that you'll contact her after some time.
Tell her that you need some space and time. It doesn't mean that you hate her and that you'll contact her after some time.
Dear Kevin,
first of all many thanks for these great articles!
I would also love to ask for an advice.
My boyfriend and I were together for a year, but for a long time I was unsure if I wanted to be with him because I didn't want to be in any relationship at all but he kept fighting for me. So it had been on and off and I still cannot believe how much he fought for me. We had arguments though and we broke up twice before the last time but he always came back, saying he couldn't leave me. I think I criticized him too much. But he messaged me often, saying how much I meant for him, his messages and his behaviour generally were just like from a fairytale. He never did anything wrong to me. And when I thought our bond was getting stronger, he suddenly broke up with me. When I asked him why, he said that ''he didn't know, that he felt like we argued too much, we didn't have that connection anymore and that we didn't have much in common. That his feelings had changed''. I was in shock! I agreed we argued but we have so much in common and we do have a connection like no couple I know. At least I think I would have noticed if something had changed. Just 3 weeks before our last, serious breaking up he had sent me a message saying that I was his everything. I know he was always honest. He is studying in a different town and I think it's mainly because of the pressure he felt; too much work, travelling to see me, and me criticizing... that didn't help... It's been 3 weeks since we broke up and I first was desperate, very hurt, making mistakes, saying how he could do that to me. I didn't contact him, he did, after 2 weeks asking how I was. I still talked about our breaking up, being hurt. But then I left it, saying that at the time I didn't wanna think about it as we talked about our breaking up.. I didn't wanna be whining.. I had to ask him about money matters so I had to message him today and was careful not to tell him I missed him or anything but I was very tempted. I thought I needed to give him time to miss me and then I read your articles and saw that it was the right thing to do. I was also talking about my work and was quite happy, only thing that I did was that I mentioned that everything falls apart for me now. But then changed the subject and was positive. Again, I didn't wanna be whining and be annoying with my broken heart. He said that just because we aren't together doesn't mean he doesn't care about me anymore.
I do want him back, just as much as he wanted to be with me first.
I plan not to be in contact with him but I cannot ignore his messages when he massages me... But I am not gonna message him myself.
Any advice for me when I am trying to get him back and he is away, studying in a different town and I cannot see him easily? (I mean after no contact period, I plan to follow your steps)
Thank you loads!
Just contact him using text messages and stay in touch (after no contact of course). Later on, when he visits your town or you visit his, you can arrange a meetup. The most important thing for you to do is make a lot of positive changes in your life during this time. It's going to increase your chances tremendously.
Just contact him using text messages and stay in touch (after no contact of course). Later on, when he visits your town or you visit his, you can arrange a meetup. The most important thing for you to do is make a lot of positive changes in your life during this time. It's going to increase your chances tremendously.
Hey Kevin, My girlfriend and I have been together sense October 2012... 2 days a go she ended it.. I love her to death and I want to get her back.. but today she seemed so happy without me, Do I try and get back with her? Or do I just back off knowing she's happy?
Hi Kevin!
I agreed to his decision last Saturday about breaking up.. he had a little hesitation but we both know that we both need time apart to grow individually. We broke up nicely and light. We even both said that we know we’d end up together but now’s not the time to be together since we have a lot to learn ourselves. We said that we’d still be friends and would eventually meet up again sometime..but ofcourse, we can’t talk and text and see eah other more often.
My issue here is that I still want to get him back as soon as possible. I have accidentally told him that I will always be here waiting for him to get ready. I know that’s a bad move!!
We are very okay but I’m still scared of the possibility of losing him. I texted him yesterday and we even exchanged I love you’s. He said he loved me but he really needs some time for himself and to experience the world on his own.
Right now, I have decided to not text him again and let him be the first to text me. Can you please tell me if the No contact rule would still apply in our case since we broke up nicely and maturely(for us). We didn’t broke up wih sad hearts.. but we misa each other.. please tell me what to do.. do i have to stay by his side or still apply he no contact rule? What should I do other than that?
Thankyou!
Hi Kevin,
I've been into no contact rule untill my ex contact me.I think it enough time to heal the pain.
He said he miss me so much and he loves me..
During the first time I meet him I make myself look beautiful and happy. He keep staring at me and hold my hands..
On the 2nd time he can't help but keep staring at me again.even when I eat..I just smile..
But on that day I found out he has a rebound relationship.I accidently saw his phone when the girl call her.
They are just one month from their relationship. I told him that I know that he had a new gf and he denied it.
But later he admit and told me I never cheat u when we were together.I answer him.I know that.
So I told him.don't worry about that.I am happy for you..
And he keep changing the topic..
My problem is what should I do?should I wait untill they break up.or I 'll let him choose?
Or should I go back to no contact?
On the first time I meet him after the no contact..we meet in front of his working place.to the fact his new gf might see us ..he showed me affection.
Please tell me what to do.I am sure I want him back.
because the two of us are foreigners working in another country.
He said he is going back to his country for good.
And I told him how about your gf it's Okey with her?he said all of my co workers they know that I am leaving..and maybe not coming back.
Yes, No contact still applies in your case. After no contact, contact him using one of the methods in the plan.
Hi Kevin,
I've been into no contact rule untill my ex contact me.I think it enough time to heal the pain.
He said he miss me so much and he loves me..
During the first time I meet him I make myself look beautiful and happy. He keep staring at me and hold my hands..
On the 2nd time he can't help but keep staring at me again.even when I eat..I just smile..
But on that day I found out he has a rebound relationship.I accidently saw his phone when the girl call her.
They are just one month from their relationship. I told him that I know that he had a new gf and he denied it.
But later he admit and told me I never cheat u when we were together.I answer him.I know that.
So I told him.don't worry about that.I am happy for you..
And he keep changing the topic..
My problem is what should I do?should I wait untill they break up.or I 'll let him choose?
Or should I go back to no contact?
On the first time I meet him after the no contact..we meet in front of his working place.to the fact his new gf might see us ..he showed me affection.
Please tell me what to do.I am sure I want him back.
because the two of us are foreigners working in another country.
He said he is going back to his country for good.
And I told him how about your gf it's Okey with her?he said all of my co workers they know that I am leaving..and maybe not coming back.
Yes, No contact still applies in your case. After no contact, contact him using one of the methods in the plan.
Hi Kevin,
My issues feels quite daft but I need some advice anyway. Great article, enjoyed the read. I'm in a predicament, just broke up with a girl I was with 4 month.. For three month pure bliss, both of us happy, then all of a sudden problems, she isn't sure how she feels or isn't sure she's over ex (guy she split with a year ago), and it's all up in the air for a month. We try to slow it down.. It just got out of hand. I finally kicked out in frustration and confusion last week we had a big row. Now it's over, it was pretty stale at that point despite us both saying how disappointed we were at how it worked out. Since have apologised and she knows me she knows I do no contact to heal from a break up. I have before, it didn't get my previous ex back but it helped me heal loads. Anyway... I'm on that now, she's tried to talk told me she's worried about me. I gave a basic reply wishing her well and I intend to say happy birthday next week then leave it for a longer period. I can do it I believe in myself but I am sad about the situation as it seemed we had so much promise and feelings were just starting to develop. She feels she smothered me and she says she's not like that as a person and she wants to be alone. I have to give her space, she's reached out once to me and as I've said basic reply end of conversation. I want this girl in my life, I was beginning to fall and then boom it fell apart. I'm not sure how long to give this no contact this time.. I'm not really sure what to do, or if I have a chance. I know she cares and I know she likes me but it ended how it did because she led me on for a month when she feels she needs to be alone. I respect that I just wish she had been honest... In self analysis and what not I am at the wanting her back stage but I do feel that I would genuinely like her in my life with me as the start of this was wonderful and simple.
Any advice appreciated, friends say just give yourself and her time now. Im not going to get an apology for anything but I can let go of that I just want to reconcile and progress with her.
Thanks hope you're well
Nico
Thanks for your comment Nico. I know it sucks when you have so much expectations from a relationship and it ends abruptly. But if she ended it, then the expectations you had were just in your mind and not hers. Anyways, continue with no contact and I hope everything will start to make more sense in time.
Thanks for the reply!
Sadly the expectations came from her, "our year", we will be great.etc. All her words. She was (seemed convincingly) genuinely excited until something changed it. My thoughts were scared her - got too close - that might be crap though. Something about her ex wanting to commit suicide, I wasn't fully informed but understandably that hit her, she told me she was depressed.etc also said I'd be the perfect boyfriend but after a month of indifference and weird behaviour I've adopted no contact to give her what she wants - time alone. It ultimately allows me to focus on me again and let go of the confusion. But I really do want her back, there was something good, she acknowledged that. It's been disappointing for us both. I hope no contact works. Not optimistic but what else can I do? She knows how I feel and she likes me... It's just the timing I don't know. Last words from me said we can't date again, said in haste/anger/no idea just going to leave it until I feel ready to go for it. In the mean time I'm working on me again, this is my second no contact party and it really helps the healing.
I just hope it works here, I am sad right now. Thanks again.
All the best.
Oh and it wasn't her ending it, it was her bringing about this mess, I ended it we tried again and she just wasn't/isn't ready. Right now it ended after an argument we both said harsh things which is why no contact can also allow the dust to settle and negativity to disappear. It's a strange one, we got on like a house on fire until miscommunication really did us.
All the best.
Oh and it wasn't her ending it, it was her bringing about this mess, I ended it we tried again and she just wasn't/isn't ready. Right now it ended after an argument we both said harsh things which is why no contact can also allow the dust to settle and negativity to disappear. It's a strange one, we got on like a house on fire until miscommunication really did us.
All the best.
Oh and it wasn't her ending it, it was her bringing about this mess, I ended it we tried again and she just wasn't/isn't ready. Right now it ended after an argument we both said harsh things which is why no contact can also allow the dust to settle and negativity to disappear. It's a strange one, we got on like a house on fire until miscommunication really did us.
All the best.
Oh and it wasn't her ending it, it was her bringing about this mess, I ended it we tried again and she just wasn't/isn't ready. Right now it ended after an argument we both said harsh things which is why no contact can also allow the dust to settle and negativity to disappear. It's a strange one, we got on like a house on fire until miscommunication really did us.
Thanks for the reply!
Sadly the expectations came from her, "our year", we will be great.etc. All her words. She was (seemed convincingly) genuinely excited until something changed it. My thoughts were scared her - got too close - that might be crap though. Something about her ex wanting to commit suicide, I wasn't fully informed but understandably that hit her, she told me she was depressed.etc also said I'd be the perfect boyfriend but after a month of indifference and weird behaviour I've adopted no contact to give her what she wants - time alone. It ultimately allows me to focus on me again and let go of the confusion. But I really do want her back, there was something good, she acknowledged that. It's been disappointing for us both. I hope no contact works. Not optimistic but what else can I do? She knows how I feel and she likes me... It's just the timing I don't know. Last words from me said we can't date again, said in haste/anger/no idea just going to leave it until I feel ready to go for it. In the mean time I'm working on me again, this is my second no contact party and it really helps the healing.
I just hope it works here, I am sad right now. Thanks again.
Thanks for the reply!
Sadly the expectations came from her, "our year", we will be great.etc. All her words. She was (seemed convincingly) genuinely excited until something changed it. My thoughts were scared her - got too close - that might be crap though. Something about her ex wanting to commit suicide, I wasn't fully informed but understandably that hit her, she told me she was depressed.etc also said I'd be the perfect boyfriend but after a month of indifference and weird behaviour I've adopted no contact to give her what she wants - time alone. It ultimately allows me to focus on me again and let go of the confusion. But I really do want her back, there was something good, she acknowledged that. It's been disappointing for us both. I hope no contact works. Not optimistic but what else can I do? She knows how I feel and she likes me... It's just the timing I don't know. Last words from me said we can't date again, said in haste/anger/no idea just going to leave it until I feel ready to go for it. In the mean time I'm working on me again, this is my second no contact party and it really helps the healing.
I just hope it works here, I am sad right now. Thanks again.
Thanks for your comment Nico. I know it sucks when you have so much expectations from a relationship and it ends abruptly. But if she ended it, then the expectations you had were just in your mind and not hers. Anyways, continue with no contact and I hope everything will start to make more sense in time.
Thanks for the info man. But i need to ask. The girl i was in relationship for two years broke up with me. She just started acting weird for some reason. Well for those 2 years ive been a jerkto her and wanted to stop the relationship but still she kept begging , it was like a abusive relationship. But then she met this new guy and started acting all weird, when i broke up with her she immediately said yes and that freaked me out. Ive been in no contact for 10 days. I feel like shit. Is this Karma? Will she ever return ?
Can't say for sure if she'll return, but if she does, make sure you treat her with respect this time. If she doesn't, learn your lesson and move on.
Can't say for sure if she'll return, but if she does, make sure you treat her with respect this time. If she doesn't, learn your lesson and move on.
My ex and I have been broken up for about 4 days...he contacted me once , I didn't reply, he's been stalking my fb, trying to get my attention through fb..I haven't entertained him but he hasn't called or texted me...normally I would be the one to text or call him when something like this happens, but I haven't... What if he's doing the NC rule to and doesn't want to talk to me
So he'll contact you when his no contact is over.
So he'll contact you when his no contact is over.
Kevin
I am glad I stumbled upon your website. I would appreciate your advice!
My boyfriend and I (both in our mid-twenties) have been together for 4 years, engaged for 2 months and we have a 2 year old.
We had a fight and broke up 6 months ago.
We had broken up a few times before (it would last a few days…a few weeks at the most)
Commitment seemed to be an issue and I believe after he proposed he got scared.
2 months ago I started no contact. He was hurt and angry that I was ignoring him. (I would only respond to every 3 or 4 texts or calls and only if it pertained to our son). Within 1.5 weeks he invited me to dinner and for the first time since our split, professed his love for me. He wanted to know if I loved and missed him and if I had been seeing anyone. I reassured him. A few days later he panicked at the prospect of reconciling and didn’t think it was a good idea. Naturally, I was disappointed but rather than hear him out, I asked him to leave. I began the no contact again.
2 weeks later he came over to say that he wants to get back together. Tells me he loves me is not attracted to anyone else (tells me I am the prettiest girl and that our sex life was unbelievable) and that he has not been able to move on. I tell him that I don’t want to reconcile! He leaves upset. I love him and miss him terribly. I was just scared that he would change his mind once again and hurt me. It’s been 2 weeks. We are civil to one another but he hasn’t initiated any heart to heart conversations since. On Valentine’s day he texted “Happy Valentine’s Day”.
Is it possible that he misses me during no contact, but once he has me, he doesn’t want me? If so, how do I get him to commit?
Do I start no contact again? If you were me, what would you do differently this time?
Kat
Let him know before getting back that you want a commitment and he should only get back together if he is absolutely 100% sure he wants to commit. Let him know that if he is not 100% sure, you should move on and cut him from your life completely.
Let him know before getting back that you want a commitment and he should only get back together if he is absolutely 100% sure he wants to commit. Let him know that if he is not 100% sure, you should move on and cut him from your life completely.
Hi kevin,
I broke up with my ex about almost 3 years ago, after being together for almost 5 years, and for the first year we were separated we had sex twice but no reconciliation, but then last year like around february or march of 2013, she started acting weird, ignoring my texts all of a sudden from one day to another which was strange and ever since then Its been on the same role and of course i have been showing her signs of neediness like begging and etc., which is wrong, i love her. But throughout the year though, we went out to go see the fireworks together and our daughter. We had a good time, and good laughter. But right after I had left home that night and i texted her the next morning, it would come back to the same thing, ignoring my msgs. During our daughter's birthday plannings, we went out together many times to get everything set and ready together, and I am not going to lie, i flirted with her so many times with her throughout those times we went out together that she wouldnt say anything, she would just like try to push me away a little, but like i said again, it would come back to the same routine during the week by ignoring my msgs daily and when i would call to see how her and my daughter were doing she would sound serious like mad or didn't want to talk to me. I had asked her what was going on and why is she acting like this and she wouldnt give me an actual answer, and she would just tell me "to be yourself". But then again, it would be weird bc there would be some days where we would text and sometimes i would call her to see how she is doing and she would just start explaining to me her day in a really happy mode and exciting sometimes and it would confuse me like ok what happened to the mad version or ignorant person you were before in the previous days. We spent thanksgiving together with her family bc she had asked me to join them as i was dropping my daughter off, and as i was there i would sitting in the dinner table and she would just come around me and like give me like a soft punch to my side rib as love tap basically and when i would get closer to her face during that moment she wouldn't try to get away and I would grab her stomach and she would just grab my hand but without trying to push it off but just gently grabbing it as im touching her stomach (flirting). I also spend new years with them but it was different, she would be somewhat serious amd would just be on her phone for the most part and did not want to join in most the activities that her family was planning, and would not talk to me unless i talked to her. But as i was leaving, i was helping her dad outside shoveling the snow off the driveway and street and i felt her starring at me from her window from her room and i looked up and she would just shake her head but smiling. So i really need help here because i really do not know what to do, and i really want to get back with my ex and be family again with our daughter (my daughter looks just exactly like her mother, and everybody in the family says the same thing) . So please I need your advice!
Hey,
She is having a lot of confused feelings about you. It could be that she is starting to see someone else and that is causing her to feel confused about you. She definitely still has feelings for you. I think you should start no contact for a while. Give her some time to sort out her feelings. Just talk to her about your daughter and nothing else.
Hey,
She is having a lot of confused feelings about you. It could be that she is starting to see someone else and that is causing her to feel confused about you. She definitely still has feelings for you. I think you should start no contact for a while. Give her some time to sort out her feelings. Just talk to her about your daughter and nothing else.
Kevin,
I came across your website searching for some solace. I'm in some, well thats a lie, I'm in a huge pit of depression. I read your article and what you have there makes sense, I just feel like I'm going to have a hard time applying it. I really hope your respond to this so here it goes...
My Ex and I were in a relationship for 2 years. I am 29 and he is 25 years old. We would fight here and there about normal things couples fight about, but it started getting more intense around my birthday in November. He would leave and go to his moms for a few days to cool off and he would always come back. Our biggest problems were usually centered around me. I would come home from work and sit down and usually play a video game to unwind. Sometimes, well most of the time I would spend too much time with that and with my friends then I did with him. I made plans with people but never with him. Another reason is that he just started school and has 2 jobs. He is afraid that we wont have any time together. He moved out of my house shortly after but we decided to stay together and live separately. I seemed like everything was ok for the week. We both told each other we had high hopes and everything was going to be ok. I had plans on the weekend with some friends and then a birthday party we were both supposed to go to. He texted me Friday night and I was pretty hammered and I didn't notice it and didn't respond til later. He said it doesn't matter anymore and that I obviously don't care about him. So he broke up with me over text messages. I did ok for a few days because I was angry he didn't have the respect for me to do it in person. But then the fear set in. Ive been so depressed I haven't eaten much or slept much in 2 weeks. He texted back and forth during this time and most of it was negative. He said, stop trying, its never going to work, we aren't getting back together. We broke up once before for about 2 weeks last time but we got back together stronger than ever. But I screwed up again and fell into my usual routine. The main issue was he didn't think I cared for him, and now I really see that it didn't seem like it.
Here comes the confusing part I need help with. On Valentines day, well the day before, I decided to get him stuff because he deserved to be spoiled by someone and if no one did I would feel horrible. So I dropped off a dozen roses, and single 5ft tall rose, chocolates and a bottle of wine that we really liked when we went downtown, I never got it because I never really thought of it until now. When he got them on Friday he was surprised, but not quite happy. He was kind uncomfortable that I involved his work in that. So he called me and asked "Why did you do that?" We had a small covorsation and I asked if it was ok if I showed up at his work to say hi. He said "Do what you want to." So...lol...I did. We exchanged words on a cigarette break and they were more of the same. I broke up with you for this reason, we aren't getting back together, thank you for the flowers and everything, I really do love them and appreciate them. He said he was going out with friends that night, I was doing the same and we happened to come across each other at the same bar....naturally he thought I was stalking him and go really mad. As time went by I bought him a shot and we ended up going to another place all together. He got really drunk there and asked if he could stay on my couch so he didn't have to drive home. We left and I called him to see where he was at and he ended up driving home. We got into a huge fight and his phone died. We ended the conversation via text and he said how much he loves me and how much its hurts to stand his ground but he doesn't want to go through this again. I ended it with I will stand by your decision and that I loved him and goodbye, be good.
Que the confusing part....The next morning he texted me at 8 am saying wake up. I texted whats up and he asked if I wanted to go to breakfast because he called in sick to work. So we did, had a good time, didn't talk about the situation we were in very much and just enjoyed each others presence. We spent the day window shopping and whatnot. We returned a rental car he had to get because his car was in the shop and my dumb ass left my car keys and coat in the car and didn't realize it until the place was closed for the weekend. So he was gracious enough to drive me home and leave my car at his house. He wasn't mad at all, in fact I was aggravated at myself for my slip up but he didn't seem to mind. He dropped me off and said goodbye and then texted me about an hour later asking if I wanted to go with him tomorrow to the doctor. I said sure and he picked me up and we went. After that we went to the, well we tried to go to the car show and we never made it. We ended up going to a really swanky bar and playing pool and talking with the locals. We had a ton of fun, I cant remember having so much fun with him, and then we went out to eat. He bought dinner at a really expensive place and we spent the night drinking wine and talking about us. We went over how much we love with each other and how much it pains us not to be able to talk and text and hang out like we normally do. We went home after that on the train and went back to his house. I spent the night...you know what happens after that and woke up and went to go to lunch and get my car keys. When I left his house he went to go inside and he turned and gave me a kiss and said "We will talk about whats going on with us later tonight." When we did talk he said "I don't think its a good idea to do this again. I really don't think we will ever get back together, you know how much I love you and care about you but i just cant do that to myself again. But Ill keep an open mind and we will just take this day by day." I asked if he was scared and he said "Yeah, I dont want to go through that again." When I asked if it was possible to get back together he said "I guess its possible but not probable." We talked very little since yesterday, texts here and there seeing what we are up to for this week. I'm going out of my mind, the only thing that brings me relief is his voice and, well just his presence. Please help me try to sort this out, because anyone that I've talked to was like...."that makes no sense after the weekend you had."
Thank you!
Joe
Hey Joe,
Well, he's scared. And his fear is genuine. You spend time with him only after the breakup. He is afraid if you two got back together, things will go back to the same way. But with time, his fear will subside. I'll not recommend no contact for you. But at least for a week or two, let him initiate contact. Stay in touch with him, and have fun with him. But don't push him to get back together. Let it be his decision. He might need some reassuring that things will be different this time, but I have a feeling he'll eventually want to get back together.
Thank you so much. You seem to be a relationship genius so I will go by your advice. Once again, thank you, I think I can work with that =)
All the best Joe. Also, try making some positive changes in your life. It's a great way to show that you are actually capable of changing instead of just telling him that you will change. Actions speak much louder than words.
All the best Joe. Also, try making some positive changes in your life. It's a great way to show that you are actually capable of changing instead of just telling him that you will change. Actions speak much louder than words.
All the best Joe. Also, try making some positive changes in your life. It's a great way to show that you are actually capable of changing instead of just telling him that you will change. Actions speak much louder than words.
All the best Joe. Also, try making some positive changes in your life. It's a great way to show that you are actually capable of changing instead of just telling him that you will change. Actions speak much louder than words.
Thank you so much. You seem to be a relationship genius so I will go by your advice. Once again, thank you, I think I can work with that =)
Thank you so much. You seem to be a relationship genius so I will go by your advice. Once again, thank you, I think I can work with that =)
Hey Joe,
Well, he's scared. And his fear is genuine. You spend time with him only after the breakup. He is afraid if you two got back together, things will go back to the same way. But with time, his fear will subside. I'll not recommend no contact for you. But at least for a week or two, let him initiate contact. Stay in touch with him, and have fun with him. But don't push him to get back together. Let it be his decision. He might need some reassuring that things will be different this time, but I have a feeling he'll eventually want to get back together.
It has been day 32 of NC with my ex, I left him 4 weeks ago after I discovered he cheated on me 11 months into our relationship and kept it from me for over a year (we were together for 2 years). I have had relationship breakups before but nothing like this one. He is 25 years old and has been battling depression since he was a teenager and he deals with his depression by abusing drugs and alcohol. I have to say this has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life, when all along I thought this person was my best friend and I could trust them with my heart when really he just screwed me over. Is he ever going to contact me again? I know I have the power as I haven't contacted him and I am the one that left him considering he cheated on me but I want him to contact me so I can say f**k you, I want him to cry and feel the pain that I have felt for the last 4 weeks, but will he ever feel what I have felt?
Hey Sarah,
I am so sorry about what happened. I do hope he contacts you and you get to give him a piece of your mind. But you have to eventually learn to let it go and start looking forward in your life.
Hey Sarah,
I am so sorry about what happened. I do hope he contacts you and you get to give him a piece of your mind. But you have to eventually learn to let it go and start looking forward in your life.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me two and a half weeks ago, I haven't spoken with her since. We broke up because she thought I was too needy and she wasn't sure if I was the one for her.
She also said that she didn't love me anymore. I find this hard to believe, I moved to Germany for her and we have almost always been happy.
We have been dating for over two years.
She hasn't tried contacting me but she has posted stupid statuses like "Some people think that holding on makes them stronger, but sometimes letting go does" and then a week later she posted "Life sucksss" and she has been posting these pictures of her and friends but in each picture she gradually looks sadder and sadder.
Her mother keeps liking my stuff when I post on Facebook (I've been traveling around Europe since the breakup).
This stuff is all very confusing to me.
I am going to keep doing no contact because I have been feeling a lot better about myself recently and I think it may be getting to her but I am not certain. I really don't know what to expect out of this situation.
I do want her back in my life but I want them on my terms. I want her to want me back and not for me to ask for her back. I feel like I have been doing all the right things. Just what do I do next....
Hi Bill,
These signs of her posting status messages make it quite obvious that she still has feelings for you. The photos as well.
You have been doing well by continuing no contact and I agree with your strategy. You should only get back together on your terms. However, you should be wary of playing the "who contacts who first" game.
If you feel you have healed enough and you still want her back, reach out to her. Maybe you both will realize that getting back together is the right choice for you. Or, you will realize that she hasn't grown at all since the breakup and you are better off without her.
In either case, you have nothing to lose if you have healed enough and have the right mindset.
Hi Bill,
These signs of her posting status messages make it quite obvious that she still has feelings for you. The photos as well.
You have been doing well by continuing no contact and I agree with your strategy. You should only get back together on your terms. However, you should be wary of playing the "who contacts who first" game.
If you feel you have healed enough and you still want her back, reach out to her. Maybe you both will realize that getting back together is the right choice for you. Or, you will realize that she hasn't grown at all since the breakup and you are better off without her.
In either case, you have nothing to lose if you have healed enough and have the right mindset.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend I have broken up for only two weeks now. My situation is different as i still live with him. We have lived together our entire 1 year relationship, I can't afford to move out until a few months away however I really want to work things out and win him back before I leave. If not maintain some type of relationship with him. He was my best friend before we got together and I don't want to lose him all together. He broke it off because he said things have changed and his feeling unhappy doesn't know why but feels his better off alone. He wants to club and party and be social and flirt with other girls. He feels trapped and wants to be carefree. Everyone who knows him thinks he is trying to relive his youth and refuses to grow up as he is 27 years old. We are civil and friendly when we are home together and occasionally laugh and joke. We never bring up the relationship or talk about it. He still has me as friend on facebook and still has all our pictures. I have been told by friends that he wants to space to heal so I have stayed at a friends place for a week. I have not contacted him and I haven't begged him or plead to get back together even after we broke up. I haven't contacted him since I have been at my friends house. I do love him and want to win him back but I also think he has feelings for another girl as she is young and bubbly and always partying and going out. He is always in contact with her and tells everyone she is just a friend they have been for years now. She says the same thing, his my best friend... even if this is true, all my friends think he likes her more because she makes him feel young. What do I do? How do I save my relationship? How do I win him back? when we live together...
Apply limited contact. Only talk about things related to the house. And move out as soon as possible. I know you want to win him back before you move out, but impatience is only going to make you look needy.
Hi Keven,
Thank you for your advice. I only have the option of moving out in 5-6 months. Until then I am not sure what to do... I have read all these articles and I have been doing exactly that. I have stopped texting or face booking him unless its serious or really important. At home Im friendly and civil and always have a smile on my face. I do my own thing and hang out with friends and keep myself busy. I have learnt that I can be happy without him. My self esteem has improved by going to the gym and eating right as well as got a new look. I just found out recently that his been asking about what I have been doing and what my plans are by asking mutual friends. He watches me move around the house and always asks when i'm coming back and who I'm going out with. I always reply with friends and i'm not sure maybe tonight or tomorrow. His hot and cold but always starts the first conversation. What does this mean? am I doing the right thing? Is there more that I can do?
You are doing great. Continue doing what you've been doing. If he doesn't make a move in the next two months, then you can ask him to go for a coffee.
You are doing great. Continue doing what you've been doing. If he doesn't make a move in the next two months, then you can ask him to go for a coffee.
You are doing great. Continue doing what you've been doing. If he doesn't make a move in the next two months, then you can ask him to go for a coffee.
You are doing great. Continue doing what you've been doing. If he doesn't make a move in the next two months, then you can ask him to go for a coffee.
Hi Keven,
Thank you for your advice. I only have the option of moving out in 5-6 months. Until then I am not sure what to do... I have read all these articles and I have been doing exactly that. I have stopped texting or face booking him unless its serious or really important. At home Im friendly and civil and always have a smile on my face. I do my own thing and hang out with friends and keep myself busy. I have learnt that I can be happy without him. My self esteem has improved by going to the gym and eating right as well as got a new look. I just found out recently that his been asking about what I have been doing and what my plans are by asking mutual friends. He watches me move around the house and always asks when i'm coming back and who I'm going out with. I always reply with friends and i'm not sure maybe tonight or tomorrow. His hot and cold but always starts the first conversation. What does this mean? am I doing the right thing? Is there more that I can do?
Hi Keven,
Thank you for your advice. I only have the option of moving out in 5-6 months. Until then I am not sure what to do... I have read all these articles and I have been doing exactly that. I have stopped texting or face booking him unless its serious or really important. At home Im friendly and civil and always have a smile on my face. I do my own thing and hang out with friends and keep myself busy. I have learnt that I can be happy without him. My self esteem has improved by going to the gym and eating right as well as got a new look. I just found out recently that his been asking about what I have been doing and what my plans are by asking mutual friends. He watches me move around the house and always asks when i'm coming back and who I'm going out with. I always reply with friends and i'm not sure maybe tonight or tomorrow. His hot and cold but always starts the first conversation. What does this mean? am I doing the right thing? Is there more that I can do?
Apply limited contact. Only talk about things related to the house. And move out as soon as possible. I know you want to win him back before you move out, but impatience is only going to make you look needy.
Hey Kevin! fast briefing, my relation has been so different, only an intense two months after another two of only friends. But it was really really like a fucking film.
Well my question is what do you do when you start the contact zero , and after a few days she starts messaging you??
PD: Your work is amazing!
If you can ignore the message, you ignore it. If she keeps messaging you, you tell her that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if she gives it to you.
If you can ignore the message, you ignore it. If she keeps messaging you, you tell her that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if she gives it to you.
Hi kevin,
I love what you've set up here! Ive actually followed everything you've said pretty much. But id like to tell you my story... I have a feeling you might save me.
So my ex boyfriend and i were in a LDR for 2.5 yrs, and i must say we went through alot together , i had a few life changing events... And well lets just say it hasnt been easy.
Ill skip to the part where things went wrong again. Basically i had an argument with him and out of nowhere he wanted to break up. I told him i didnt see that there was a reason to break up but very calmly, he said ok well call it a break but a long one! I thought he was just angry. 4 days later he texted but was very cold, i left him to initiate contact everytime, and he started texting more often and warmed up a bit, but was no longer talking to me in the way a boyfriend would.
Our break continued for a month and a half. He wanted to skype starting from the day he forgot my birthday, (he usually is bad with dates though), kept saying he thought he still had 10 days and that he had asked his best friend to get me a new phone, and even though we were still talking, he did not. We started having more serious conversations after he had started saying he misses certain things, but there was still no emotion and no flirting.
We spoke about our options breaking up, me moving to him or continuing long distance. The last option was clearly not an option anymore. In the same conversation he even said to me i know that i want you as my wife, and i knw i want to have a family with you but i dont think im ready yet.
My. Next conversation with him i said that i was willing to move to him, but i would not move there without a job and that i would live inmy own apartment since it is an arab country and we are not married, he smiled said that he would pay my rent and there is no way he’d not live with me. He then asked about an exam i am still going to sit in april, saying i wont come between you and your career. I told him i will still sit my exam and i deserve for him to be supportive and continue long distance until i move to him. He agreed said i deserve the whole nine yards and that right now i was only getting 2.
He still wanted to think about things, saying that he could come to me when he takes his next leave from work which was in march(i said no as my exam is in april) plus he was going on holday in a week, on a trip i was supposed to be going on, to see his step brother and his family then to another country with a married couple that he sees everyday where he is!
By xmas eve i was still talking to him, i even sent him pictures of a place i had visited that he had always wanted to go to, he only commented on the views and not me, so i questionned this, he said he was not giving that side of him, i askedif i was just a friend to him he said no, im just being honest because we dont know whats going to happen yet. I told him he was driving between lanes, he replied im not driving at all and im just focusing on work and i hardly have time for my family, so i told him he has his answer and that he has no space in his life for me right now. He replied but ill loose you. Later he said he still wants to think about things( he'd been thinking for a month and a half!)
I got so angry that night, tired of the state of limbo, i broke up with him via a text.
I said it wasnt working out and that i didnt see that he was offering me anything, considering what i was going to give up. I told him he was confused and didnt knw what he wanted and that that was not what i want from a guy. Told him to respect my decision. (Basically i tried to make it seem he lost me, even though i just wanted him to wake up!), i also deleted him at this point from my bbm.(childish but he had done this to me before and i felt like i had lost him for good, so it was worth a shot)
He replied when he woke up:
I will respect you (my name)
And i still love and care for you very much. I will not consider this the final end, but i understand you cannt stay in this state. I wish you the best of luck but know what we had and can have please. Merry xmas gorgeous
He had wanted me to move to him for a long time and towards the end of the break, i offered to move there, but he realized that because of our culture it meant he would have to commit long term to me, and he said he wasnt ready yet, but that he knew he'd wanted me as his wife and to have a family with me.
All i wanted was for him to feel he was losing me.
I didnt contact him for a month and a half. Until 2 weekends ago he texted me:
Hey (my name)
I'm truly respecting what you asked and I just wanted to see if you were well. I do not wish to disrupt you and apologize if I have with this MSG.
(His name)
I replied saying:
Hey (his name), sorry I didn't see your message as I was at a show and did not see my phone. I am well thank you. How are you? You are not disturbing me (his name)
Him:
Hey no no it's ok I'm happy to get a response and I hope the show was great. I'm on my way to the office now. I have so much work that I go on Saturdays now. But I really wish to catch up with you n see how ur doing overall.
Me:
Wow I dunno if I should say I'm happy for you or sorry to hear you're working saturdays. But if its for what you want then I'm happy for you. Sure we can catch up anytime
Him:
It's ok work has just become like that in recent months. I'm glad you are well and that you are ok.
Ill call you perhaps later in the week
Me:
Thanks (his name). Yeah later in the week is fine for me
Good to hear from you (his name). Take care
Him:
Thanks (my name) I really appreciate the continued contact as I said before I didn't want to cut off completely but I understood why it was needed. I'm off to another busy week but I hope there is a silver lining to work too. Talk soon be safe
I did not know how to reply to this. And didnt answer, but overall i tried to be neutral and let him lead the conversation.
The following weekend he did not call me instead he sent me this:
Happy valentines day (my name). I wish you a lovely day and hope you have an easy and nice day. I'm in typical fashion with my mother and father at the club. (Flower emo)
I didnt expect this message, or get the point of it, as valentines day is supposed to be a romantic day not a day for casual friendship!
Anyways i replied:
Happy valentines day to you to (his name), thank you
I hope you enjoy your traditional fridays with your parents!
I havent heard from him since valentines day and he said he would call! Im really confused.
We really loved each other as far as i know. His best friend also lives here, and she always used to call and ask me where i was and who i was with., and ask me inappropriate questions. But ive put an end to that now, and that is when he started texting me.
I really love him, i want him to pursue me though this time, i thought he was starting to, but now hes disappeared?
He always wanted to get married and now he drops off the face of the earth!
What do you think his actions mean? Is there any hope of him wanting to be with me? What do you think about his recent messages(what do you think they mean)?
Ive rambled on way to much i apologize.
I wold trly appreciate hearing about your thoughts on this
Thank you soo much!
Lou
Hey,
The way I see it, he wants to get you back but is still not sure about his commitment. You can continue doing what you've been doing. If he doesn't make a move in the next couple of months, you'll have to come forward and ask him for commitment. If he doesn't commit even at that time, you should move on.
Kevin, thank you so much for the quick response. I must say i felt much more comfortable posting on your website than others, as others only seemed to respond with one sentence, which in the end werent really helpful to the people. So thank you again.
So does the fact that he initiated contact mean he wants me back? Or was it the valentines message- that showed no emotion (why send a valentines message if you're going to show no emotion? Or was it to show hes not with someone else?).
Also he never called me like he said he would, nor has he contacted me since, whats that about?
How can i ask for commitment, if we dont talk, and we're not together?
Sorry for asking so many questions. I realize you're not a mind reader haha but im sure you understand the male mind better than i do at this point
Thanks again kevin
Lou
Hi kevin
How can i attract him enough to contact me? He didnt respond as you said. :(
Hey Lou,
Like I said, you have to give him time. The easiest way to make him contact you is start dating and let his friend know about it.
Hey Lou,
Like I said, you have to give him time. The easiest way to make him contact you is start dating and let his friend know about it.
Hey Lou,
Like I said, you have to give him time. The easiest way to make him contact you is start dating and let his friend know about it.
Hey Lou,
Like I said, you have to give him time. The easiest way to make him contact you is start dating and let his friend know about it.
Hey Lou,
Like I said, you have to give him time. The easiest way to make him contact you is start dating and let his friend know about it.
Well, he was probably missing you on V day and decided to wish you. I don't think there's any hidden meaning behind that. The fact that he didn't call you can mean that he is a little uncomfortable talking to you as he is still not sure about his feelings. Texts are a much easier mode of communication when it comes to exes.
You don't have to ask him for commitment straight away. You should start contact with him for a while and try to build attraction. If possible, meet him. And when you think he is attracted to you again, ask him for commitment.
Hey kevin
Thanks again! Sorry for taking your advice for every detail, its just a bit confusing. I replied:
Thank you! I hope your boss is not the cause of you wanting to move. But good luck with the job search. Maybe we can talk later. Take care
I sent this the next day because he had not spoken to me for 2 weeks. And also i couldn't understand if he was moving for me or purely for work.
And i think i gave him enough to open up a conversation if he wanted to, don't you think?
Hey Lou,
I think the message you sent is fine. There wasn't much you could've said anyways. Yes, if he wants to continue the conversation, he can. But I don't think you should expect a response from him though, since you didn't ask him something or gave him something incentive to reply.
Hey Lou,
I think the message you sent is fine. There wasn't much you could've said anyways. Yes, if he wants to continue the conversation, he can. But I don't think you should expect a response from him though, since you didn't ask him something or gave him something incentive to reply.
Hey Lou,
I think the message you sent is fine. There wasn't much you could've said anyways. Yes, if he wants to continue the conversation, he can. But I don't think you should expect a response from him though, since you didn't ask him something or gave him something incentive to reply.
Hey Lou,
I think the message you sent is fine. There wasn't much you could've said anyways. Yes, if he wants to continue the conversation, he can. But I don't think you should expect a response from him though, since you didn't ask him something or gave him something incentive to reply.
Hey Lou,
I think the message you sent is fine. There wasn't much you could've said anyways. Yes, if he wants to continue the conversation, he can. But I don't think you should expect a response from him though, since you didn't ask him something or gave him something incentive to reply.
Hey Lou,
I think the message you sent is fine. There wasn't much you could've said anyways. Yes, if he wants to continue the conversation, he can. But I don't think you should expect a response from him though, since you didn't ask him something or gave him something incentive to reply.
Hey kevin
He texted me this morning:
You look really good and well.
Im in the process for applying for other jobs and hope to find something in europe (same continent as me, but not the same country).
Then he just said: i wish you nothing but happiness.
Now i dont know if im mad or he is.
How do i even respond to that? When he didnt even call me back?
If you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. If you want to reply, give him something short like "Thanks. I wish you happiness as well." It's possible that he is making an effort to be with you (by applying for a job in Europe). And this message was his way of letting you know. But again, it's just my interpretation and I can be wrong.
If you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. If you want to reply, give him something short like "Thanks. I wish you happiness as well." It's possible that he is making an effort to be with you (by applying for a job in Europe). And this message was his way of letting you know. But again, it's just my interpretation and I can be wrong.
If you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. If you want to reply, give him something short like "Thanks. I wish you happiness as well." It's possible that he is making an effort to be with you (by applying for a job in Europe). And this message was his way of letting you know. But again, it's just my interpretation and I can be wrong.
If you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. If you want to reply, give him something short like "Thanks. I wish you happiness as well." It's possible that he is making an effort to be with you (by applying for a job in Europe). And this message was his way of letting you know. But again, it's just my interpretation and I can be wrong.
If you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. If you want to reply, give him something short like "Thanks. I wish you happiness as well." It's possible that he is making an effort to be with you (by applying for a job in Europe). And this message was his way of letting you know. But again, it's just my interpretation and I can be wrong.
If you are not sure what to say, don't say anything. If you want to reply, give him something short like "Thanks. I wish you happiness as well." It's possible that he is making an effort to be with you (by applying for a job in Europe). And this message was his way of letting you know. But again, it's just my interpretation and I can be wrong.
So my ex missed me for a week or so and that was it? I dont want to ask for commitment at this point, it wouldnt be logical to. But considering why i broke up because he was confused, i believe he has to pursue me. I truly thought hes finally contacted me, and finally we can start talking. I even said we can talk anytime later in the week. Isnt it a good indication to him if i was polite to him and responded to his valentines day message. His best friend calls me constantly trying to find out things about me, if im with someone, where i am, who im with, she even asked when my big exam is (like specific dates!) ive been preparing for it for a long time, and my ex had an issue of continuing long distance until my exam was over.
Is my only option to initiate contact? Or do you think he will text again?
Thanks kevin
I think if you give him enough time, he'll contact you again. Heck, if you want him to pursue you, just start dating someone else, and there is a very good chance he will contact you then and try to get you back.
I think if you give him enough time, he'll contact you again. Heck, if you want him to pursue you, just start dating someone else, and there is a very good chance he will contact you then and try to get you back.
I think if you give him enough time, he'll contact you again. Heck, if you want him to pursue you, just start dating someone else, and there is a very good chance he will contact you then and try to get you back.
I think if you give him enough time, he'll contact you again. Heck, if you want him to pursue you, just start dating someone else, and there is a very good chance he will contact you then and try to get you back.
I think if you give him enough time, he'll contact you again. Heck, if you want him to pursue you, just start dating someone else, and there is a very good chance he will contact you then and try to get you back.
I think if you give him enough time, he'll contact you again. Heck, if you want him to pursue you, just start dating someone else, and there is a very good chance he will contact you then and try to get you back.
Hey kevin
So i should initiate contact even though hes made no proper attempt to talk to me properly and i invited him to talk to me anytime?!
Plus isnt it rude that he said he would call and hasnt? I dont want to reward bad behaviour. But i really really miss him, but from the way hes acting, i do not understand it. I replied when he texted and i never asked him to call me, so why would he feel the need to say he'd call? He has the option of texting again, but he hasnt done that either?
Ive put happy pictures up on my whatsapp looking good, since he doesnt have facebook. But i dont know if it makes any difference. His best friend has kept in contact with me despite my efforts to distance myself a bit, as she was not supportive to me at all, and asks inappropriate questions, which are clearly not for her knowledge but his. The last thing was she asked when my big exam coming up is gonna be i said april, she later asked when in april, i said end of april, and she asked a third time at that point i told her dates.
I dont want to lose him, but how do i get him to initiate contact? Hes completely disappeared even people that know him where he lives, say they havent seen or heard of him for a while.
If he misses me why cant he just have a normal conversation with me?
The only reason commitment came up was because he wanted me to move to him, i couldve waited, i still have other issues going on in my life that im trying to work on (career, finances, family etc).
I adore him, he knew it then aswell.
Is there anything else i can do to get him to initiate contact or is it up to me?
Its not because of my pride that i wont initiate, its out of principal, he is the one that is unsure of me and hasnt tried to properly talk to me for 2 months as of today.
I understand where you're coming from. Yes, he should be the one contacting you and trying to get you back. But unless he is ready to give you commitment, I don't think he'll contact you. Like I said, if you give him enough time, he'll contact you. But no one knows how long will that take. If you start dating, it might just give him the push he needs. But don't date just for the sake of making him contact you. Finish no contact, make some changes in your life and accept that there is a possibility that he will never get back with you. And embrace the fact that there are a lot more opportunities out there to find love and happiness. And when you feel you are ready, go out on a date.
I understand where you're coming from. Yes, he should be the one contacting you and trying to get you back. But unless he is ready to give you commitment, I don't think he'll contact you. Like I said, if you give him enough time, he'll contact you. But no one knows how long will that take. If you start dating, it might just give him the push he needs. But don't date just for the sake of making him contact you. Finish no contact, make some changes in your life and accept that there is a possibility that he will never get back with you. And embrace the fact that there are a lot more opportunities out there to find love and happiness. And when you feel you are ready, go out on a date.
I understand where you're coming from. Yes, he should be the one contacting you and trying to get you back. But unless he is ready to give you commitment, I don't think he'll contact you. Like I said, if you give him enough time, he'll contact you. But no one knows how long will that take. If you start dating, it might just give him the push he needs. But don't date just for the sake of making him contact you. Finish no contact, make some changes in your life and accept that there is a possibility that he will never get back with you. And embrace the fact that there are a lot more opportunities out there to find love and happiness. And when you feel you are ready, go out on a date.
I understand where you're coming from. Yes, he should be the one contacting you and trying to get you back. But unless he is ready to give you commitment, I don't think he'll contact you. Like I said, if you give him enough time, he'll contact you. But no one knows how long will that take. If you start dating, it might just give him the push he needs. But don't date just for the sake of making him contact you. Finish no contact, make some changes in your life and accept that there is a possibility that he will never get back with you. And embrace the fact that there are a lot more opportunities out there to find love and happiness. And when you feel you are ready, go out on a date.
I understand where you're coming from. Yes, he should be the one contacting you and trying to get you back. But unless he is ready to give you commitment, I don't think he'll contact you. Like I said, if you give him enough time, he'll contact you. But no one knows how long will that take. If you start dating, it might just give him the push he needs. But don't date just for the sake of making him contact you. Finish no contact, make some changes in your life and accept that there is a possibility that he will never get back with you. And embrace the fact that there are a lot more opportunities out there to find love and happiness. And when you feel you are ready, go out on a date.
I understand where you're coming from. Yes, he should be the one contacting you and trying to get you back. But unless he is ready to give you commitment, I don't think he'll contact you. Like I said, if you give him enough time, he'll contact you. But no one knows how long will that take. If you start dating, it might just give him the push he needs. But don't date just for the sake of making him contact you. Finish no contact, make some changes in your life and accept that there is a possibility that he will never get back with you. And embrace the fact that there are a lot more opportunities out there to find love and happiness. And when you feel you are ready, go out on a date.
Hey kevin
Thanks again! Sorry for taking your advice for every detail, its just a bit confusing. I replied:
Thank you! I hope your boss is not the cause of you wanting to move. But good luck with the job search. Maybe we can talk later. Take care
I sent this the next day because he had not spoken to me for 2 weeks. And also i couldn't understand if he was moving for me or purely for work.
And i think i gave him enough to open up a conversation if he wanted to, don't you think?
Hey kevin
He texted me this morning:
You look really good and well.
Im in the process for applying for other jobs and hope to find something in europe (same continent as me, but not the same country).
Then he just said: i wish you nothing but happiness.
Now i dont know if im mad or he is.
How do i even respond to that? When he didnt even call me back?
So my ex missed me for a week or so and that was it? I dont want to ask for commitment at this point, it wouldnt be logical to. But considering why i broke up because he was confused, i believe he has to pursue me. I truly thought hes finally contacted me, and finally we can start talking. I even said we can talk anytime later in the week. Isnt it a good indication to him if i was polite to him and responded to his valentines day message. His best friend calls me constantly trying to find out things about me, if im with someone, where i am, who im with, she even asked when my big exam is (like specific dates!) ive been preparing for it for a long time, and my ex had an issue of continuing long distance until my exam was over.
Is my only option to initiate contact? Or do you think he will text again?
Thanks kevin
Hey kevin
So i should initiate contact even though hes made no proper attempt to talk to me properly and i invited him to talk to me anytime?!
Plus isnt it rude that he said he would call and hasnt? I dont want to reward bad behaviour. But i really really miss him, but from the way hes acting, i do not understand it. I replied when he texted and i never asked him to call me, so why would he feel the need to say he'd call? He has the option of texting again, but he hasnt done that either?
Ive put happy pictures up on my whatsapp looking good, since he doesnt have facebook. But i dont know if it makes any difference. His best friend has kept in contact with me despite my efforts to distance myself a bit, as she was not supportive to me at all, and asks inappropriate questions, which are clearly not for her knowledge but his. The last thing was she asked when my big exam coming up is gonna be i said april, she later asked when in april, i said end of april, and she asked a third time at that point i told her dates.
I dont want to lose him, but how do i get him to initiate contact? Hes completely disappeared even people that know him where he lives, say they havent seen or heard of him for a while.
If he misses me why cant he just have a normal conversation with me?
The only reason commitment came up was because he wanted me to move to him, i couldve waited, i still have other issues going on in my life that im trying to work on (career, finances, family etc).
I adore him, he knew it then aswell.
Is there anything else i can do to get him to initiate contact or is it up to me?
Its not because of my pride that i wont initiate, its out of principal, he is the one that is unsure of me and hasnt tried to properly talk to me for 2 months as of today.
Hey kevin
Thanks again! Sorry for taking your advice for every detail, its just a bit confusing. I replied:
Thank you! I hope your boss is not the cause of you wanting to move. But good luck with the job search. Maybe we can talk later. Take care
I sent this the next day because he had not spoken to me for 2 weeks. And also i couldn't understand if he was moving for me or purely for work.
And i think i gave him enough to open up a conversation if he wanted to, don't you think?
Hey kevin
He texted me this morning:
You look really good and well.
Im in the process for applying for other jobs and hope to find something in europe (same continent as me, but not the same country).
Then he just said: i wish you nothing but happiness.
Now i dont know if im mad or he is.
How do i even respond to that? When he didnt even call me back?
So my ex missed me for a week or so and that was it? I dont want to ask for commitment at this point, it wouldnt be logical to. But considering why i broke up because he was confused, i believe he has to pursue me. I truly thought hes finally contacted me, and finally we can start talking. I even said we can talk anytime later in the week. Isnt it a good indication to him if i was polite to him and responded to his valentines day message. His best friend calls me constantly trying to find out things about me, if im with someone, where i am, who im with, she even asked when my big exam is (like specific dates!) ive been preparing for it for a long time, and my ex had an issue of continuing long distance until my exam was over.
Is my only option to initiate contact? Or do you think he will text again?
Thanks kevin
Hey kevin
So i should initiate contact even though hes made no proper attempt to talk to me properly and i invited him to talk to me anytime?!
Plus isnt it rude that he said he would call and hasnt? I dont want to reward bad behaviour. But i really really miss him, but from the way hes acting, i do not understand it. I replied when he texted and i never asked him to call me, so why would he feel the need to say he'd call? He has the option of texting again, but he hasnt done that either?
Ive put happy pictures up on my whatsapp looking good, since he doesnt have facebook. But i dont know if it makes any difference. His best friend has kept in contact with me despite my efforts to distance myself a bit, as she was not supportive to me at all, and asks inappropriate questions, which are clearly not for her knowledge but his. The last thing was she asked when my big exam coming up is gonna be i said april, she later asked when in april, i said end of april, and she asked a third time at that point i told her dates.
I dont want to lose him, but how do i get him to initiate contact? Hes completely disappeared even people that know him where he lives, say they havent seen or heard of him for a while.
If he misses me why cant he just have a normal conversation with me?
The only reason commitment came up was because he wanted me to move to him, i couldve waited, i still have other issues going on in my life that im trying to work on (career, finances, family etc).
I adore him, he knew it then aswell.
Is there anything else i can do to get him to initiate contact or is it up to me?
Its not because of my pride that i wont initiate, its out of principal, he is the one that is unsure of me and hasnt tried to properly talk to me for 2 months as of today.
Hey kevin
Thanks again! Sorry for taking your advice for every detail, its just a bit confusing. I replied:
Thank you! I hope your boss is not the cause of you wanting to move. But good luck with the job search. Maybe we can talk later. Take care
I sent this the next day because he had not spoken to me for 2 weeks. And also i couldn't understand if he was moving for me or purely for work.
And i think i gave him enough to open up a conversation if he wanted to, don't you think?
Hey kevin
He texted me this morning:
You look really good and well.
Im in the process for applying for other jobs and hope to find something in europe (same continent as me, but not the same country).
Then he just said: i wish you nothing but happiness.
Now i dont know if im mad or he is.
How do i even respond to that? When he didnt even call me back?
So my ex missed me for a week or so and that was it? I dont want to ask for commitment at this point, it wouldnt be logical to. But considering why i broke up because he was confused, i believe he has to pursue me. I truly thought hes finally contacted me, and finally we can start talking. I even said we can talk anytime later in the week. Isnt it a good indication to him if i was polite to him and responded to his valentines day message. His best friend calls me constantly trying to find out things about me, if im with someone, where i am, who im with, she even asked when my big exam is (like specific dates!) ive been preparing for it for a long time, and my ex had an issue of continuing long distance until my exam was over.
Is my only option to initiate contact? Or do you think he will text again?
Thanks kevin
Hey kevin
So i should initiate contact even though hes made no proper attempt to talk to me properly and i invited him to talk to me anytime?!
Plus isnt it rude that he said he would call and hasnt? I dont want to reward bad behaviour. But i really really miss him, but from the way hes acting, i do not understand it. I replied when he texted and i never asked him to call me, so why would he feel the need to say he'd call? He has the option of texting again, but he hasnt done that either?
Ive put happy pictures up on my whatsapp looking good, since he doesnt have facebook. But i dont know if it makes any difference. His best friend has kept in contact with me despite my efforts to distance myself a bit, as she was not supportive to me at all, and asks inappropriate questions, which are clearly not for her knowledge but his. The last thing was she asked when my big exam coming up is gonna be i said april, she later asked when in april, i said end of april, and she asked a third time at that point i told her dates.
I dont want to lose him, but how do i get him to initiate contact? Hes completely disappeared even people that know him where he lives, say they havent seen or heard of him for a while.
If he misses me why cant he just have a normal conversation with me?
The only reason commitment came up was because he wanted me to move to him, i couldve waited, i still have other issues going on in my life that im trying to work on (career, finances, family etc).
I adore him, he knew it then aswell.
Is there anything else i can do to get him to initiate contact or is it up to me?
Its not because of my pride that i wont initiate, its out of principal, he is the one that is unsure of me and hasnt tried to properly talk to me for 2 months as of today.
Hey kevin
Thanks again! Sorry for taking your advice for every detail, its just a bit confusing. I replied:
Thank you! I hope your boss is not the cause of you wanting to move. But good luck with the job search. Maybe we can talk later. Take care
I sent this the next day because he had not spoken to me for 2 weeks. And also i couldn't understand if he was moving for me or purely for work.
And i think i gave him enough to open up a conversation if he wanted to, don't you think?
Hey kevin
He texted me this morning:
You look really good and well.
Im in the process for applying for other jobs and hope to find something in europe (same continent as me, but not the same country).
Then he just said: i wish you nothing but happiness.
Now i dont know if im mad or he is.
How do i even respond to that? When he didnt even call me back?
So my ex missed me for a week or so and that was it? I dont want to ask for commitment at this point, it wouldnt be logical to. But considering why i broke up because he was confused, i believe he has to pursue me. I truly thought hes finally contacted me, and finally we can start talking. I even said we can talk anytime later in the week. Isnt it a good indication to him if i was polite to him and responded to his valentines day message. His best friend calls me constantly trying to find out things about me, if im with someone, where i am, who im with, she even asked when my big exam is (like specific dates!) ive been preparing for it for a long time, and my ex had an issue of continuing long distance until my exam was over.
Is my only option to initiate contact? Or do you think he will text again?
Thanks kevin
Hey kevin
So i should initiate contact even though hes made no proper attempt to talk to me properly and i invited him to talk to me anytime?!
Plus isnt it rude that he said he would call and hasnt? I dont want to reward bad behaviour. But i really really miss him, but from the way hes acting, i do not understand it. I replied when he texted and i never asked him to call me, so why would he feel the need to say he'd call? He has the option of texting again, but he hasnt done that either?
Ive put happy pictures up on my whatsapp looking good, since he doesnt have facebook. But i dont know if it makes any difference. His best friend has kept in contact with me despite my efforts to distance myself a bit, as she was not supportive to me at all, and asks inappropriate questions, which are clearly not for her knowledge but his. The last thing was she asked when my big exam coming up is gonna be i said april, she later asked when in april, i said end of april, and she asked a third time at that point i told her dates.
I dont want to lose him, but how do i get him to initiate contact? Hes completely disappeared even people that know him where he lives, say they havent seen or heard of him for a while.
If he misses me why cant he just have a normal conversation with me?
The only reason commitment came up was because he wanted me to move to him, i couldve waited, i still have other issues going on in my life that im trying to work on (career, finances, family etc).
I adore him, he knew it then aswell.
Is there anything else i can do to get him to initiate contact or is it up to me?
Its not because of my pride that i wont initiate, its out of principal, he is the one that is unsure of me and hasnt tried to properly talk to me for 2 months as of today.
Hi kevin
How can i attract him enough to contact me? He didnt respond as you said. :(
Well, he was probably missing you on V day and decided to wish you. I don't think there's any hidden meaning behind that. The fact that he didn't call you can mean that he is a little uncomfortable talking to you as he is still not sure about his feelings. Texts are a much easier mode of communication when it comes to exes.
You don't have to ask him for commitment straight away. You should start contact with him for a while and try to build attraction. If possible, meet him. And when you think he is attracted to you again, ask him for commitment.
Hi kevin
How can i attract him enough to contact me? He didnt respond as you said. :(
Well, he was probably missing you on V day and decided to wish you. I don't think there's any hidden meaning behind that. The fact that he didn't call you can mean that he is a little uncomfortable talking to you as he is still not sure about his feelings. Texts are a much easier mode of communication when it comes to exes.
You don't have to ask him for commitment straight away. You should start contact with him for a while and try to build attraction. If possible, meet him. And when you think he is attracted to you again, ask him for commitment.
Hi kevin
How can i attract him enough to contact me? He didnt respond as you said. :(
Well, he was probably missing you on V day and decided to wish you. I don't think there's any hidden meaning behind that. The fact that he didn't call you can mean that he is a little uncomfortable talking to you as he is still not sure about his feelings. Texts are a much easier mode of communication when it comes to exes.
You don't have to ask him for commitment straight away. You should start contact with him for a while and try to build attraction. If possible, meet him. And when you think he is attracted to you again, ask him for commitment.
Kevin, thank you so much for the quick response. I must say i felt much more comfortable posting on your website than others, as others only seemed to respond with one sentence, which in the end werent really helpful to the people. So thank you again.
So does the fact that he initiated contact mean he wants me back? Or was it the valentines message- that showed no emotion (why send a valentines message if you're going to show no emotion? Or was it to show hes not with someone else?).
Also he never called me like he said he would, nor has he contacted me since, whats that about?
How can i ask for commitment, if we dont talk, and we're not together?
Sorry for asking so many questions. I realize you're not a mind reader haha but im sure you understand the male mind better than i do at this point
Thanks again kevin
Lou
Kevin, thank you so much for the quick response. I must say i felt much more comfortable posting on your website than others, as others only seemed to respond with one sentence, which in the end werent really helpful to the people. So thank you again.
So does the fact that he initiated contact mean he wants me back? Or was it the valentines message- that showed no emotion (why send a valentines message if you're going to show no emotion? Or was it to show hes not with someone else?).
Also he never called me like he said he would, nor has he contacted me since, whats that about?
How can i ask for commitment, if we dont talk, and we're not together?
Sorry for asking so many questions. I realize you're not a mind reader haha but im sure you understand the male mind better than i do at this point
Thanks again kevin
Lou
Hey,
The way I see it, he wants to get you back but is still not sure about his commitment. You can continue doing what you've been doing. If he doesn't make a move in the next couple of months, you'll have to come forward and ask him for commitment. If he doesn't commit even at that time, you should move on.
I'm on day 13 of no contact, though he ended our relationship the end of January so about 3.5 weeks ago. He has not made any attempts to contact me. Me, on the other hand sent him an email and text 13 days ago. The first week after the breakup, I was hurt, upset and angry with him. Eventually I started thinking from his perspective why he ended things and it him me like a ton of bricks that many of my behaviors were what brought us to this point. He did want to break up with me around month 3 of our relationship, but we talked and decided to continue to date. A few weeks later, he opened up a situation in his life that was causing him much stress. At that point, I realized my feelings for him and that I loved him. Before that, I was unsure of how our relationship was going as he is a quiet guy and doesn't open up much.
After that point we had a really good few months where he said he loved me and I said it to him and meant it. We were communicating well and having a good time with each other. Unfortunately, I did not realize that some of the things that had bothered him about me were resurfacing, as I had not truly realized what he meant at the time he'd wanted to end the relationship. I wish I had understood and looked at things from his perspective then, but alas I did not.
Fast forward to mid-December, and a small situation that could have been discussed turned into a larger argument. I said something with the wrong tone, he got offended and we didn't speak until a few days later, after I called and texted him. We resolved this issue and I was trying to move past this situation, when about a month ago, things went downhill again. Again, it was the way I said things and about him and the way I approached the situation that sent him off the edge. It does not excuse his behaviors and words, however, as he's made mistakes. The point of this messgae is to acknowledge and take responsibility for my actions and that I am a changed person for the better because of it.
When he ended it he said things along the lines of us not clicking and that he didn't love me...I know he does care about me and love me. There's no doubt in my mind...I just want to have the opportunity to talk with him eventually and discuss from his point of view what went wrong and for me to discuss what I thought went wrong. Also I want to let him know that I know of all my mistakes and that I will work my hardest at not repeating them now that I know what they were. I truly did not realize what the heck I was doing wrong during our relationship and was instigating things with him, when I should have checked myself first.
Now, I need to know what to do...On another message board, people suggest i send a letter of apology asap and on here, people say No Contact is the way to go. I'm split because I know my mistakes and want to let him know, but at the same time, don't want to appear clingy/needy and contact him before 30 days have passed.
I am making changes and even started a new hobby to make myself feel better. I am trying my hardest to put other people first and to think outside of my perspective. My life situation was not easy as a child into adulthood. I realize though that I should not let others be affected by my past, as it ruins my chances of a good future.
I just really hope that all hope is not lost with him. He means a lot to me.
Thank you for reading my message.
You can send a letter of apology straight away. Use the format in this article. Then wait another 30 days and contact him. But don't talk about getting back together straight away.
What will I say to him after the 30 days of no contact? Should I text, call, email him? Also, the format is helpful, but the article says that if you subsribe to emails, that I will receive a sample letter in the email. I'd like to see a sample of that letter.
Thank you
Hey,
The sample letter is the eight email in the series. So you should wait for eight days. I kept it this way because I think it's best for people to wait a while before sending the letter.
Hey,
The sample letter is the eight email in the series. So you should wait for eight days. I kept it this way because I think it's best for people to wait a while before sending the letter.
Hey,
The sample letter is the eight email in the series. So you should wait for eight days. I kept it this way because I think it's best for people to wait a while before sending the letter.
Hey,
The sample letter is the eight email in the series. So you should wait for eight days. I kept it this way because I think it's best for people to wait a while before sending the letter.
Ok, the article indicates there's a sample letter sent by email? I subscribed to daily emails and have yet to see a sample apology letter. That would be of great help at this point.
Also, what and how will I contact him after 30 days? What will I say to him?
Thanks
Hey,
It's the eight email in the series.
Hey,
It's the eight email in the series.
Hey,
It's the eight email in the series.
Hey,
It's the eight email in the series.
What will I say to him after the 30 days of no contact? Should I text, call, email him? Also, the format is helpful, but the article says that if you subsribe to emails, that I will receive a sample letter in the email. I'd like to see a sample of that letter.
Thank you
Ok, the article indicates there's a sample letter sent by email? I subscribed to daily emails and have yet to see a sample apology letter. That would be of great help at this point.
Also, what and how will I contact him after 30 days? What will I say to him?
Thanks
What will I say to him after the 30 days of no contact? Should I text, call, email him? Also, the format is helpful, but the article says that if you subsribe to emails, that I will receive a sample letter in the email. I'd like to see a sample of that letter.
Thank you
Ok, the article indicates there's a sample letter sent by email? I subscribed to daily emails and have yet to see a sample apology letter. That would be of great help at this point.
Also, what and how will I contact him after 30 days? What will I say to him?
Thanks
You can send a letter of apology straight away. Use the format in this article. Then wait another 30 days and contact him. But don't talk about getting back together straight away.
Hi Kevin,
I was with my guy for a year then we broke up. After we ended our relationship I started a NC rule and after a month or so we started talking and began seeing each other again. The problem was afterwards he was so insistent he didn't want a relationship. I would get tired of the non-commitment I want my cake and eat it too and would we would end up fighting. I gave up on him and began a new relationship with someone else. It made my ex very unhappy. After cutting him out of my life again for a little over a month we began talking. My new relationship was long distance and I could only fly to see my guy once a month. My ex-boyfriend was on his best behavior. He was taking me on trips, giving me gifts, being my companion and friend and when I was unhappy with my relationship he was always there. He started showing behaviors like he wasn't scared of commitment finally and he was making steps in the right direction on being there for me and my sons. After about 5 months of my new relationship it was on its way out. I cheated on my new boyfriend with my ex. I ended my new relationship and thought that my ex and I were going to work things out. For a few months he was great, but I never demanded he say I am his girlfriend. After awhile he put distance between us and all the old "we are not in a relationship" attitude came back. We began fighting about his distance and odd behaviors for the last two months where I would go through periods of not talking to him and then when the other ex boyfriend died at the end of November 2013 he immediately contacted me to be there for me. He was great for a week, but I could still feel and see the fear of commitment behavior. He kept telling me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, its not me. We have either been together or acting like we were together without the title and not seeing others except for my relationship for 3 1/2 years. I got tired of him eating his cake and started a huge fight where he said he was finally ready to let go. That was on New Years Eve and I have maintained no contact since. My problem is I love this man, he is my other pea in my pod. When I cut him out of my life something is missing, he pushes me to be a better person, and I hate not having my best friend. When we go too long without talking he shows up to my family parties (he has been friends with my brother and sister for 13 years) and we end up speaking again. He is apparently attending my family event in two weeks. I am still so upset with him because of new circumstances. This time is different, right after our fight he immediately started dating someone else besides me in 3 1/2 years. He said he didn't want a relationship with anyone yet I am almost sure this girl is his girlfriend. I want us to work out at some point. I believe that is how it is meant to be. I just don't know how to act or what to do when I see him. The last thing he told me was we needed some separation and he didn't think we were going to work out. I told him I didn't want to ever be friends, I can't be just friends with someone I am in love with. I need advice on how to deal with him at the event. I know one thing, I am going to make sure I look amazing. Also I have this deep urge to find out if she is actually his official girlfriend and remind him that he told me he didn't want one of those. I am excited to see him, angry, hurt and scared at the same time. Any advice you offer is much appreciated.
Don't remind him that he didn't want a girlfriend. It's going to look like you are trying to control him. I know you want him in your life, but unless he realizes he wants to commit, you can't do anything.
Don't remind him that he didn't want a girlfriend. It's going to look like you are trying to control him. I know you want him in your life, but unless he realizes he wants to commit, you can't do anything.
Hi Kevin, I finally spoke to him again after the NC period and at first it was fine until he started asking me about the house we bought before we broke up and later I mentioned to just set it aside first. He asked me if I have completely moved on and I didn't wanna sound needy or anything so I tried to keep it light-hearted by saying "Haha can't be an emo chick all day right.. XD" and I think he got angry because he thinks I'm sarcastic. He didn't reply and when I realized 2 hours later that I think he misunderstood my tone and I sent another message saying "in case you think I'm sarcastic, by no means do I intended that k? In case you misunderstood. :)" And he didn't reply even though he read the message. :(
Did I just broke my chance again? What should I do?
You shouldn't have messaged him again when he didn't reply back. But it's OK. I think you should wait another week or two and then message him again.
He replied me 1 hour later saying that he didn't misunderstand and told me not to worry. He then said good luck carrying on with our lives, I'll always be his friend.
My heart sank.
I told him the breakup was definitely for the better because it made me refocus on myself and my goals in life. I know that there were problems in the rs but I felt these are things that can be resolved and accept. It's really rare to find someone who shares and complements the same life goals and I find that we have a real connection which is not something guaranteed even with the next person in our lives. (I don't mean to chase him or anything here, just trying to make him think it's a loss)
And somehow I knew he would say "But it really doesn't feel the same way anymore." And he added hope you understand and move on. You are a very nice girl and I'm sure someone nicer would come along.
I tried to reframe it as though it was my idea to break up so I said like I can agree feelings aren't the same and that I can agree on being friends. But I feel many people said that way but are not able to do so. But I have a feeling we are different because personally I'm glad we are able to see at this point that we are not working out but it doesn't change the fact that I have an awesome time when we are hanging out... and I would hate for that to end. So is he sure if he's okay with just being friends.
And he replied he's super okay with being friends because hanging out with our mutual friends is really fun. He's just afraid that I can't move on, if I can, it's awesome.
My heart sank again.
But on second thoughts, I was glad that I'm able to establish the "false friendship" without him feeling awkward about our future hangouts (hopefully). Now I'm just thinking how can I keep in touch with him regularly without him thinking I still have feelings for him. I really would want to become one of the couples who kept in touch even after they broke up and eventually still got back together because they realized each other are meant to be. I don't wish to make any wrong step in trying to build the bridge yet if I try too hard to be careful, I may end up screwing things because it's not natural.
Good work establishing the "false friendship". I hope things work out for you. Try making some changes in your life that will hopefully make him attracted to you again.
Good work establishing the "false friendship". I hope things work out for you. Try making some changes in your life that will hopefully make him attracted to you again.
Good work establishing the "false friendship". I hope things work out for you. Try making some changes in your life that will hopefully make him attracted to you again.
Good work establishing the "false friendship". I hope things work out for you. Try making some changes in your life that will hopefully make him attracted to you again.
He replied me 1 hour later saying that he didn't misunderstand and told me not to worry. He then said good luck carrying on with our lives, I'll always be his friend.
My heart sank.
I told him the breakup was definitely for the better because it made me refocus on myself and my goals in life. I know that there were problems in the rs but I felt these are things that can be resolved and accept. It's really rare to find someone who shares and complements the same life goals and I find that we have a real connection which is not something guaranteed even with the next person in our lives. (I don't mean to chase him or anything here, just trying to make him think it's a loss)
And somehow I knew he would say "But it really doesn't feel the same way anymore." And he added hope you understand and move on. You are a very nice girl and I'm sure someone nicer would come along.
I tried to reframe it as though it was my idea to break up so I said like I can agree feelings aren't the same and that I can agree on being friends. But I feel many people said that way but are not able to do so. But I have a feeling we are different because personally I'm glad we are able to see at this point that we are not working out but it doesn't change the fact that I have an awesome time when we are hanging out... and I would hate for that to end. So is he sure if he's okay with just being friends.
And he replied he's super okay with being friends because hanging out with our mutual friends is really fun. He's just afraid that I can't move on, if I can, it's awesome.
My heart sank again.
But on second thoughts, I was glad that I'm able to establish the "false friendship" without him feeling awkward about our future hangouts (hopefully). Now I'm just thinking how can I keep in touch with him regularly without him thinking I still have feelings for him. I really would want to become one of the couples who kept in touch even after they broke up and eventually still got back together because they realized each other are meant to be. I don't wish to make any wrong step in trying to build the bridge yet if I try too hard to be careful, I may end up screwing things because it's not natural.
He replied me 1 hour later saying that he didn't misunderstand and told me not to worry. He then said good luck carrying on with our lives, I'll always be his friend.
My heart sank.
I told him the breakup was definitely for the better because it made me refocus on myself and my goals in life. I know that there were problems in the rs but I felt these are things that can be resolved and accept. It's really rare to find someone who shares and complements the same life goals and I find that we have a real connection which is not something guaranteed even with the next person in our lives. (I don't mean to chase him or anything here, just trying to make him think it's a loss)
And somehow I knew he would say "But it really doesn't feel the same way anymore." And he added hope you understand and move on. You are a very nice girl and I'm sure someone nicer would come along.
I tried to reframe it as though it was my idea to break up so I said like I can agree feelings aren't the same and that I can agree on being friends. But I feel many people said that way but are not able to do so. But I have a feeling we are different because personally I'm glad we are able to see at this point that we are not working out but it doesn't change the fact that I have an awesome time when we are hanging out... and I would hate for that to end. So is he sure if he's okay with just being friends.
And he replied he's super okay with being friends because hanging out with our mutual friends is really fun. He's just afraid that I can't move on, if I can, it's awesome.
My heart sank again.
But on second thoughts, I was glad that I'm able to establish the "false friendship" without him feeling awkward about our future hangouts (hopefully). Now I'm just thinking how can I keep in touch with him regularly without him thinking I still have feelings for him. I really would want to become one of the couples who kept in touch even after they broke up and eventually still got back together because they realized each other are meant to be. I don't wish to make any wrong step in trying to build the bridge yet if I try too hard to be careful, I may end up screwing things because it's not natural.
You shouldn't have messaged him again when he didn't reply back. But it's OK. I think you should wait another week or two and then message him again.
Hey Kevin - stumbled across this and like most people would like some advice!
I've made the classic mistakes after my boyfriend of many years finished with me nearly 2 weeks ago. Main reasons followed from the mother of all arguments and hew has security issues and no doubt my foul mouth knocked his confidence!
Since then I did the whole bunny boiler thing bombarding him with messages and texts until I would just tire. He replied to about 3 messages out of the hundreds and just reiterated he didn't want to be with me. He refuses to see me or face me in any way and refuses to say he doesn't love me.
Funnily my bff advised me I should lock off and today is day 2 of no contact. On reading your advice I hope I am strong enough to continue. I believe he refuses to face me cos he does still love me... unless I'm kidding myself.
The last few weeks have been torture but I am embarrassed at how I handled it. 30 days and then if I haven't heard form him...?
Contact him if after 30 days. Send him the letter mentioned in the article.
Contact him if after 30 days. Send him the letter mentioned in the article.
Hello, i split from my ex g in august 2013 , i ended it with her , anyway she came round to see me the next day but i wasnt emotionally there and said some nasty words. Went to see her a few days later and she was a mess and so was i but she told me that she wasnt in love anymore something had snapped inside her. I did all the begging stuff for a month or so and eventually gave up. A month later she called and asked if i had moved on ? i went to see her and we spent some time together again, time around her place and meeting up for a coffee now and then but only talking as friends. I eventually said i couldnt do friends as i will always be in love with her , we havnt had any contact with each other now since dec 13 2013 , just over 2 months , i had to back off as it wasnt good for me as a person , wanted to get my life and mind straight , i lived with her and her 2 children and spent 2 years in which we were so in love , spent a week on holiday together too just before we split up which was fantastic, im 46 and she is 36 , my question is , i dont want to break no contact because im not mentally there yet but i miss her and her children so much , not a second goes by without them in my thoughts, should i say hello or just see if time will bring us back together ? we live 20 miles apart so there is no chance of ever bumping into her , thankyou for your time
Hey dan,
If you want to make things work out between you two, then it's not a bad idea to break no contact. Especially if it's already been 2 months. However, if you feel you are not mentally there yet you can wait for another month or two.
Hey dan,
If you want to make things work out between you two, then it's not a bad idea to break no contact. Especially if it's already been 2 months. However, if you feel you are not mentally there yet you can wait for another month or two.
Hey Kevin, my ex was under a lot of stress the last months and broke up with me. She told me it was because she had no more feelings for me but i wanted to know if it could have been because of the stress that she lost her feelings completely and became so cold to me.
Other thing is that she told me not to contact her so she will think that i'm not contacting her because she told me. Will it be effective anyway the NC rule? Thanks, great article!
Yeah, it will still be effective. And it's entirely possible that she felt like she lost her feeling because of the stress.
Yeah, it will still be effective. And it's entirely possible that she felt like she lost her feeling because of the stress.
Kevin,
My situation is the new typical. I had friends with benefits type of deal, and fell in love with the guy. He ended it saying he didnt feel the same way, and ended it. But we could remain friends.
So i applied the no contact rule. And didnt speak to him for almost a month. Unfortunately we work together so now we are being friendly. Hes in a relationship and i still love him. I just want to know how to get him to commit. We were together for seven months unofficially. What do i do
Well, it's a tricky situation. Was he in a relationship while he was friends with benefits with you? Or did he start the relationship after he ended it with you?
I think you just need to apply no contact and give him some time. If he breaks up with the new girl, good. IF not, you should try to contact him and build attraction.
Well, it's a tricky situation. Was he in a relationship while he was friends with benefits with you? Or did he start the relationship after he ended it with you?
I think you just need to apply no contact and give him some time. If he breaks up with the new girl, good. IF not, you should try to contact him and build attraction.
Me and my ex had a great relationship but our breakup was rough because I was always clingy and needy never left her alone now she says she never want to be with me ever again and she only likes me as a friend and I annoyed her to the point she told me she never want to talk me for a while. What can I do to get her back?
Don't talk to her for a while and stop being needy. Follow the 5 step plan.
Don't talk to her for a while and stop being needy. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years and 7 months (and friends for 4 years before that) when he broke up with me, 5 weeks ago. When we got together I still had two year a of school and he headed off to medical school. We did long distance for 2 years, which was really rough but we made it. I joined the college he is at last year and the first 3 months (first term) was great, so so so good. At the end of this term he became really close to a housemate who recently lost a relative, her boyfriend of 3 years wasn't treating her right either so he helped her through her break up with him. I barely saw him during the holidays as we were both busy, the w hen we came back to college he ended it, claiming he didn't want to do long distance again (we would be next year and the year after). He said he started feeling this way at the same time he started helping his housemate. The following day we met up and he said he wanted to try again but the day after said he wanted a break, he said he still cared about me, wanted to be friends and meet up and do things (I said no because I was angry, which made him really upset). We had tickets to some events the following weeks which he cancelled without telling me :( He stated yet more reasons - wanting more than one relationship, not wanting to settle down yet, wanting to be able to travel, not seeing us having a future together, not feeling the same way anymore, his heart not being in it anymore. He was being really caring and said he'd help me through etc, until the following day when he just became angry and stopped talking. I messaged him for about 4 days with no responses until the 5th day when I got a VERY formal email to say it was over, written in a formal manner as thought we never knew each other, I carried on messaging for a few days but gave up after about a week. We met up to exchange possessions a week after we broke up, I read him a letter of apology that i'dwritten and reminded him of some good memories, he left me crying alone ona. Bench and told me we could never be together again, we can't be friends and we can't talk anymore. I still have some of his possessions. The hardest part is we were each other's first relationship, we talked about getting married and having children and our future together, his family are my second family and vice versa. I came to this uni so we could be together as well. I contacted him 2 weeks later, he said he didn't know when he'd be ready to talk, but didn't want things to be messy. I left it another 18 days and sent another message of apology and just asking to meet up and start fresh, no response. It's now been 5 weeks since the break up, I haven't hear from him for 3 weeks. I also think he is now with his housemate... He posted some photos on fb of them together and hid them from me. I keeps seeing his friends on campus and they all ignore me and it's hell, I want him back, I feel like we were soulmates :( I don't know what to do :( the thing is, we agreed not to live together until after college (I'm 19 and he is 21) because we didn't want to rush things, yet he's now in a relationship with his housemate... And they'll be long distance next year, and they're already having sex?! What is going on, what do I do? :(
Hey Mary,
I am going to say something you won't like. It was your first relationship. And he wants to try other relationship and not settle down right now. Perhaps, you should leave him alone and let him find out what he wants in life. If you try to get him back, he will always have it at the back of his mind that he never got the chance to explore his options. If you let him go and he comes back, you will have him 100%.
But there will always be a chance that he won't come back. And you should be ready for that. Which is why I want you to use this time to explore your option as well. I know it's really hard since it was your first relationship, but it's something that almost everyone has to go through. I will suggest you concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Hey Mary,
I am going to say something you won't like. It was your first relationship. And he wants to try other relationship and not settle down right now. Perhaps, you should leave him alone and let him find out what he wants in life. If you try to get him back, he will always have it at the back of his mind that he never got the chance to explore his options. If you let him go and he comes back, you will have him 100%.
But there will always be a chance that he won't come back. And you should be ready for that. Which is why I want you to use this time to explore your option as well. I know it's really hard since it was your first relationship, but it's something that almost everyone has to go through. I will suggest you concentrate your efforts in moving on.
My girlfriend and me had a huge fight last sunday because I got jealous and she says I don't trust her. Yesterday she broke up with me saying that she needs time. She also said we might get together but she's not sure, but if not she wants to stay friends. What do I do when she texts me now? Do I ignore her?
Ignore her. If she keeps on texting you, tell her that you need some time and space and so does she. So it's better if you don't contact each other for a while.
Ignore her. If she keeps on texting you, tell her that you need some time and space and so does she. So it's better if you don't contact each other for a while.
Hi ,
My boyfriend broke up with me , and I feel just as you explained. We were always fighting but we would eventually talked things out and get back together, however this last time he said he didn't feel the same way and said to me crying "I don't think we're meant to be" my heart sank and I stayed in shock for awhile and I began to cry and I did one of the mistakes which was to beg him not leave me . Your right, that wouldn't change his mind, so he eventually left and I began to have suicidal thoughts, and told my mother to pick me up from college because I wasn't feeling well. I was glad she did because I had someone to talk to and let my emotions show. Now I'm only thinking if he's missing me too? Is he actually better without me ? If I apply the no contact rule will he forget about me? It's been 2 days now that we haven't talked to each other and we don't have each other in any social network , we erased every picture of us together. Is there still hope that we will eventually end up together again ?
Yes, there is hope Stephany and I can't almost guarantee you that he is thinking about you right now. You need to apply no contact and make some positive changes in your life during that time.
Yes, there is hope Stephany and I can't almost guarantee you that he is thinking about you right now. You need to apply no contact and make some positive changes in your life during that time.
Hey Kevin! I was with my ex for 2 years & we were very much in love until his family decided to hate me. (Brothers are drug addicts & decided I'm the devil) He broke up with me abruptly 4 months ago & I went no contact after a few weeks of me trying. We didn't speak for 6 weeks. I eventually got back in contact & he apologised & said he had been really miserable & confused. He wanted to sort it out which was music to my ears! He saw me a few times & went cold on me again? I asked him what was wrong & he said he needs to be alone & it's over. I was emotional & upset of course as it was over before we even gave it another shot!! Didn't speak for a week until I called him valentines day & cried. He seemed sad but frustrated. We've been in touch briefly since then & he was even interested in seeing me when I asked & would then leave me hanging? When I asked him for money he owed me via text he would write long replies being funny? I don't get it?!? I want him back but I don't know what to do? Should I go no contact again & will it work 4 months since the breakup??
Thanks :(
Yes, no contact will still work. Also, send him a letter (or a text) telling him you've accepted the breakup and you think it was for the best as mentioned in this article.
Yes, no contact will still work. Also, send him a letter (or a text) telling him you've accepted the breakup and you think it was for the best as mentioned in this article.
Ok, so I've done the 30 days NC. I sent a "first contact" message, replied back & I ended the convo first. I waited two days and texted him a "remember" text. He replied & I replied back ready to end the convo first again after he replied again. It's been a hour & he hasn't replied back. What do I do? I feel like he's always going to reply back only once. How do I control the convo if he doesn't follow the game plan! Lol Also when can I ask him out bowling?
That's OK. Wait another couple of days and text him again. Ask him out after a week or two of texting.
hello, ive posted on this site too, just below you but no reply as yet , hows it going with your ex ? i was thinking of writing a letter too , just so confused , hope you feel better than i do ?
That's OK. Wait another couple of days and text him again. Ask him out after a week or two of texting.
hello, ive posted on this site too, just below you but no reply as yet , hows it going with your ex ? i was thinking of writing a letter too , just so confused , hope you feel better than i do ?
Hi Kevin,
I very much enjoyed / appreciated your article. I also purchased Ryan's Relationship Rewind which helped me a lot. I'm on no contact period for about 16 days. My boyfriend and I met online, we dated about a year. I do believe we were in love, but things just didn't work with him being so stressed/depressed all the time. He was the one who wanted to end the relationship...
I already wrote a letter I was going to send him at the end of relationship, it was just what you suggested. I was going to tell him how much I'm looking forward to the future after graduation and a new chapter of life. I also told him I understand what he had to go through, and stress of a serious relationship. I truly appreciated the time to look back and have some self-reflection. Then, I told him that I loved him as a person and as my best friend, and nothing will change.
I felt a lot better after I wrote that letter. But then today, I found out that He is back on that dating website that we met.. He is looking for someone already!!! I'm disappointed and very upset that he didn't even wait at least a month.
I went on a date with this guy, but didn't feel right. I didn't want any rebound relationship... But he already moved on?
That letter I was going to send him was very genuine, not desperate or crazy. I have some stuff that I need to get from his house as well... But I don't know if I should shorten or extend my no-contact period.
He is definitely lonely and I believe he needs someone to be with. .. surely not me :( What's your suggestion? Should I send him that letter and then choose to move on or try to work it out NOW? or should I still wait another 2 weeks?
Thanks!
Him being back on the dating site doesn't really mean anything. For all we know, it might have been an attempt to get a reaction out of you. OR perhaps, he found out you went on a date and he is back on the dating site out of spite. I think you should send the letter and then wait another 2 weeks before contacting him again. However, be careful because there is a good chance that he will contact you after receiving the letter. IF you can't handle communication with him right now without getting emotional, then you should wait another 2 weeks.
Him being back on the dating site doesn't really mean anything. For all we know, it might have been an attempt to get a reaction out of you. OR perhaps, he found out you went on a date and he is back on the dating site out of spite. I think you should send the letter and then wait another 2 weeks before contacting him again. However, be careful because there is a good chance that he will contact you after receiving the letter. IF you can't handle communication with him right now without getting emotional, then you should wait another 2 weeks.
Hey Kevin so my question is you say no contact "however if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don't want them to contact you for a short period of time...." What about if it's not a "No “accidentally” bumping into them" meaning what if they come knocking at your door uninvited, do you answer and "let them know that you don't want them to contact....? Or just don't answer it?
Well, if they are not being stalky and/or dangerous, then you can treat them as a guest and then politely tell them that you need some space and time and you'd appreciate it if they leave. If however, you feel they are a danger to you and are just being creepy, then it's best to not answer or maybe even call the cops.
Well, if they are not being stalky and/or dangerous, then you can treat them as a guest and then politely tell them that you need some space and time and you'd appreciate it if they leave. If however, you feel they are a danger to you and are just being creepy, then it's best to not answer or maybe even call the cops.
Hi Kevin, so i ended things with my ex girlfriend two weeks back after being at a party with her and me getting very drunk and saying and doing things i regret. So i woke up in the morning to find that i had split up with her and instantly i regretted it, so i then found out that she spent the night talking with another man, who as you said is the complete opposite to me, as im 6ft 5inches tall and skinny with brown hair and im very loud and outgoing where as this other guy must be about 6ft muscly and quiet with blonde hair and since that night i know they have met up twice at his house. so everyday since i have been begging and pleading and a couple of times she's answered at the start and even at one point i thought we might have another chance but she said something which really frustrated so i was nasty and ever since she has completely ignored me, but what confuses me is that its not till i confronted her about getting some of my clothes, she actually gave me them and the same with Facebook until i said if you didn't love me you would block me and wouldn't read my messages and then she did. Also it was a couples of days before valentines day when we broke up, so i had already bought her gold earring's and a necklace so as an attempt to get her back i gave them to her even though we was not together and she accepted them, but why would she do that if she felt nothing for me, we are in college together and even in one of the same classes together and i always catch her looking at me but i dont know if that just me trying to look for something thats not there. i just find it strange that i could be the only person she loved for 3 years then her feel nothing and move on, what should i do
She hasn't moved on and that new guy is probably a rebound. Apply no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
She hasn't moved on and that new guy is probably a rebound. Apply no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
Any advice on if your ex doesn't respond at all when you reach out after NC? I'm approaching day 30 soon and have an email ready to send. He hasnt tried to contact me at all during this period and i'm afraid he will do the same with my email or any texts i send him. Any advice on what to do? Should i prompt him for a response with a follow-up email or text?
If he doesn't reach out, you wait another week and then contact him using a text. But in most cases, they do reply, even if they don't try to contact you during NC.
Thanks so much for getting back to me. Truly appreciate it.
I have been reading relationship rewind and just got your email with a sample message. Does one supersede the other? Your email template suggests writing a super short email, while relationship rewind (deaths door) is a little bit longer. Is it okay to have my message a bit longer? I have a lot to apologize for and have followed to tenets of the initial contact (i.e. i dont blame him, i dont say i miss him etc.). Would having a long message ruin my chances?
Thanks so much
It's OK to have it longer. I don't think it will ruin your chances as long as you are following the principles of initial contact.
It's OK to have it longer. I don't think it will ruin your chances as long as you are following the principles of initial contact.
It's OK to have it longer. I don't think it will ruin your chances as long as you are following the principles of initial contact.
It's OK to have it longer. I don't think it will ruin your chances as long as you are following the principles of initial contact.
Thanks so much for getting back to me. Truly appreciate it.
I have been reading relationship rewind and just got your email with a sample message. Does one supersede the other? Your email template suggests writing a super short email, while relationship rewind (deaths door) is a little bit longer. Is it okay to have my message a bit longer? I have a lot to apologize for and have followed to tenets of the initial contact (i.e. i dont blame him, i dont say i miss him etc.). Would having a long message ruin my chances?
Thanks so much
Thanks so much for getting back to me. Truly appreciate it.
I have been reading relationship rewind and just got your email with a sample message. Does one supersede the other? Your email template suggests writing a super short email, while relationship rewind (deaths door) is a little bit longer. Is it okay to have my message a bit longer? I have a lot to apologize for and have followed to tenets of the initial contact (i.e. i dont blame him, i dont say i miss him etc.). Would having a long message ruin my chances?
Thanks so much
If he doesn't reach out, you wait another week and then contact him using a text. But in most cases, they do reply, even if they don't try to contact you during NC.
This is my letter...
How does it come across? Is the 3rd paragraph ok? I don't want to say too much about what I'm doing now, as far as changes, but just enough like suggested above...And how do I close it out? Talk soon? Hope to talk soon? or just my name? Thank you for your help.
Ι wanted to send you a short note as I have been thinking about you. I miss you more than I can ever write or say and that you are a special person to me, who I respect and admire. At the same time, I also want to say that I agree with you on ending our relationship. Without the breakup, I would never have realized what I was doing wrong and all the mistakes I made. Please know though that our relationship ending was the last thing I wanted to happen. However, it has given me the chance to become a better person.
I also wanted to let you know I take full responsibility for my words and actions while we were together. I have regretted ALL my mistakes I made from the moment I realized that I was at fault for causing you to feel hurt and unappreciated. My behaviors and words came from inexperience with relationships, not understanding what you needed from me, and my own fears about letting someone, you, close to me and truly not realizing that I was making A LOT of mistakes. They had nothing to do with you and I am sorry for saying and doing things that pushed you away. There is no excuse for my behaviors and I can only hope you will be able to forgive me.
After a lot of thinking and being upset with myself over how I was with you during our relationship, I knew I had to start making needed changes within myself. I have been working hard on making a new and better version of me. I have started a couple of new hobbies/activities that are fun and exciting, and would love to share them with you. Now is not the time though, as the purpose of my letter is to share my thoughts with you regarding the ending of our relationship and that I respect your decision.
Hey,
I think you are going overboard with the apology and kind of putting yourself down. I am sure that everything in the relationship was not JUST your mistake and the letter makes it sound like that you were the only one at fault. Keep the apology short and don't go into too much details.
And don't mention that you've been working on yourself. It kind of goes against the element of surprise. Instead, just keep it short and vague like "I have had some interesting things happen in my life since the breakup. But now is not the time to discuss it since we both need some space and time." It will arouse his curiosity and that means he will be thinking about you more often.
Hey,
I think you are going overboard with the apology and kind of putting yourself down. I am sure that everything in the relationship was not JUST your mistake and the letter makes it sound like that you were the only one at fault. Keep the apology short and don't go into too much details.
And don't mention that you've been working on yourself. It kind of goes against the element of surprise. Instead, just keep it short and vague like "I have had some interesting things happen in my life since the breakup. But now is not the time to discuss it since we both need some space and time." It will arouse his curiosity and that means he will be thinking about you more often.
hi, love the article, but i do need some advice. here is my situation.
my boyfriend is in the military and stationed overseas, we have been together for two years and i just got back home from visiting him over christmas and new years.
last weekend we skyped for a few hours and everything was ok, he even asked me to come visit him next month and that he would take me camping. four days later i get a text from him saying 'i have feelings for someone else' i texted back just saying what?? cause that was my first reaction. i did not try to get him to explain anything yet and he has not texted me back. is that still considered a rebound? how can he go from 'come visit me next month' to 'hey i replaced you' within the short amount of only 4 days???
Hi Kevin,
I'm very lost at the moment, so a response would be much appreciate.
I came across your site and am starting to follow the 5 steps and have recently began the 30 day NC period. The thing is, my boyfriend and I haven't officially broken up in the sense of verbally confirming it, however after numerous arguments over the telephone and him continuously hanging to the telephone on me, I decided to block contact with him and not allow text/ phone call communication.
I'm currently at university and so live away from home where my boyfriend is. This however, isn't very far, just about 2 hours on the train. Anyway - were together for a year when things started to get difficult between us, so I had to break the relationship off with him to give us both space to get ourselves back on track. He was suffering and so was I. During this period (3 months) we stayed in contact, but it was no longer intimate/ relationship like - he would just tell me how much he loved me whilst I would encourage him to move on with his life. During this time I admit that I was completely in-denial about the fact that I was still in love with him. It was as if the undeniability was a coping mechanism for me at the time to heal after the hurt that had been caused.
Anyway, after the 3 months, are conversations became more involved and I started to open up to him and reconnect again and things were getting better. However this was only over the telephone. Just before Christmas, something really bad happened to me involving another male taking advantage and of course I went to my boyfriend for support. Of course he was very angry at the person who did wrong to me and got quite protective. He was very supportive for a few days until the following happened. Well he became relatively distant and conversations became few and far between. He told me that he had started speaking to another girl from stupid facebook... So of course, I made sure to back off and leave him to it. It hurt so so so much and I really couldn't believe he could do that to me full stop, let alone during a time that I was extremely vulnerable. I have since started counselling and am now on medication for depression.
After a day or so of not speaking, he contacts me to let me know that he had cut off all contact with this girl and that nothing has happened.
He also came to visit me and we slept together. I thought everything was okay from here and that he had a moment of uncertainly due to the way I made him feel during our 3 month break. I went back home for Christmas and we spent a night together. The following day he began to act distant yet again, saying things we moving too fast. Guess what? I find out again that he went back to this girl and they were spending time again. This behaviour continued another two times, both of which I forgave. Finally, the last time he came back to tell me he had made a huge mistake involved me asking him to call the girl in my presence, whereby we spoke and I found out they slept together. What?! The night that I knocked round his house and he wouldn't let me in because he had her upstairs. Why was he letting a young girl sleeping at his house if he loved me and didn't want anything to happen? I can't make sense of it.
So a week or so go by, whereby I continue to ignore him. He tried to visit me at home, bring flowers, letters etc. all of which I ignore. Just before I leave to return to uni,
I agreed to meet him, however this just ended up involving us going for a walk outside and me shouting at him saying "how could you do this?", "why did you go with someone so young?", "but she's so different to me" etc etc. Since then I returned to uni and he continuously called/ text me letting me know how sorry he was and that he'd do anything to show me no matter how long it takes. After a lot of effort, I gave in believing that he was truly sorry. He was very good and supportive for a month, after which his efforts started lacking and would refuse to answer my questions. He started wanting more and more from me. I helped him finically and got him out a loan. I'm a student! He continuously let's me down with payments, which is due to his financial issues associated with drug use. I've always been good to him (well...most of the time). I want more than the world for him to just respect me and treat me like he loved me, as he says he does.
So now after letting me down with payments, shouting at me and hanging up continuously, I didn't know what else to do other than to block contact with him. Kevin, I know from reading this what you will think, but he is a good person deep down; affectionate, caring, funny and loving, however this dark side is extremely overwhelming.
I want to follow the NC rule, which you say will make him want me back and wonder what I'm up to and care etc. However, more importantly, I want to be happy with him and maintain that happiness. How can I gain the respect and treatment that I deserve. I love him very dearly - I'm not sure if he truly knows this. It's as if he never truly listens or care about how I feel,
Thanks.
Hope - you should do some research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm no psychologist but after coming out of a long term relationship and hurtful breakup with someone with NPD, he seems to show a lot of the traits. It may help to explain the inconsistency of his 'feelings' & the cheating.
Since you two haven't really broken up, I suggest you let him know that you need some space and time and you want no contact for a month. Tell him you need time to think things through and so does he. And during no contact, I want you to think exactly what type of treatment you expect from him. Think what do you expect from him in the relationship. Think whether or not is he capable of doing it. Figure out exactly what you want and when you contact him again, let him know what you need and expect. Be clear about your expectations. Let him know if he is not willing to give you what you want and what you deserve, you must leave him.
Dear Kevin,
If after a month of no contact from her (my gf), what should i do about it? Should i call her or should i just let go? Please advise
If you are not sure if you should contact her, you should do another month of no contact.
If you are not sure if you should contact her, you should do another month of no contact.
If you are not sure if you should contact her, you should do another month of no contact.
If you are not sure if you should contact her, you should do another month of no contact.
If you are not sure if you should contact her, you should do another month of no contact.
Dear Kevin,
If after a month of no contact from her (my gf), what should i do about it? Should i call her or should i just let go? Please advise
Dear Kevin,
If after a month of no contact from her (my gf), what should i do about it? Should i call her or should i just let go? Please advise
Dear Kevin,
If after a month of no contact from her (my gf), what should i do about it? Should i call her or should i just let go? Please advise
Hope - you should do some research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm no psychologist but after coming out of a long term relationship and hurtful breakup with someone with NPD, he seems to show a lot of the traits. It may help to explain the inconsistency of his 'feelings' & the cheating.
Since you two haven't really broken up, I suggest you let him know that you need some space and time and you want no contact for a month. Tell him you need time to think things through and so does he. And during no contact, I want you to think exactly what type of treatment you expect from him. Think what do you expect from him in the relationship. Think whether or not is he capable of doing it. Figure out exactly what you want and when you contact him again, let him know what you need and expect. Be clear about your expectations. Let him know if he is not willing to give you what you want and what you deserve, you must leave him.
Hope - you should do some research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm no psychologist but after coming out of a long term relationship and hurtful breakup with someone with NPD, he seems to show a lot of the traits. It may help to explain the inconsistency of his 'feelings' & the cheating.
Since you two haven't really broken up, I suggest you let him know that you need some space and time and you want no contact for a month. Tell him you need time to think things through and so does he. And during no contact, I want you to think exactly what type of treatment you expect from him. Think what do you expect from him in the relationship. Think whether or not is he capable of doing it. Figure out exactly what you want and when you contact him again, let him know what you need and expect. Be clear about your expectations. Let him know if he is not willing to give you what you want and what you deserve, you must leave him.
It's entirely possible he cheated on you and was lying to you when he asked you to visit him. It's hard to say if it's a rebound. I guess the best course of action is to stay no contact and wait for him to contact you. Give him some time, and if he doesn't contact you, you should contact him and ask him if he cheated on you.
Hi Kevin,
I'm very lost at the moment, so a response would be much appreciate.
I came across your site and am starting to follow the 5 steps and have recently began the 30 day NC period. The thing is, my boyfriend and I haven't officially broken up in the sense of verbally confirming it, however after numerous arguments over the telephone and him continuously hanging to the telephone on me, I decided to block contact with him and not allow text/ phone call communication.
I'm currently at university and so live away from home where my boyfriend is. This however, isn't very far, just about 2 hours on the train. Anyway - were together for a year when things started to get difficult between us, so I had to break the relationship off with him to give us both space to get ourselves back on track. He was suffering and so was I. During this period (3 months) we stayed in contact, but it was no longer intimate/ relationship like - he would just tell me how much he loved me whilst I would encourage him to move on with his life. During this time I admit that I was completely in-denial about the fact that I was still in love with him. It was as if the undeniability was a coping mechanism for me at the time to heal after the hurt that had been caused.
Anyway, after the 3 months, are conversations became more involved and I started to open up to him and reconnect again and things were getting better. However this was only over the telephone. Just before Christmas, something really bad happened to me involving another male taking advantage and of course I went to my boyfriend for support. Of course he was very angry at the person who did wrong to me and got quite protective. He was very supportive for a few days until the following happened. Well he became relatively distant and conversations became few and far between. He told me that he had started speaking to another girl from stupid facebook... So of course, I made sure to back off and leave him to it. It hurt so so so much and I really couldn't believe he could do that to me full stop, let alone during a time that I was extremely vulnerable. I have since started counselling and am now on medication for depression.
After a day or so of not speaking, he contacts me to let me know that he had cut off all contact with this girl and that nothing has happened.
He also came to visit me and we slept together. I thought everything was okay from here and that he had a moment of uncertainly due to the way I made him feel during our 3 month break. I went back home for Christmas and we spent a night together. The following day he began to act distant yet again, saying things we moving too fast. Guess what? I find out again that he went back to this girl and they were spending time again. This behaviour continued another two times, both of which I forgave. Finally, the last time he came back to tell me he had made a huge mistake involved me asking him to call the girl in my presence, whereby we spoke and I found out they slept together. What?! The night that I knocked round his house and he wouldn't let me in because he had her upstairs. Why was he letting a young girl sleeping at his house if he loved me and didn't want anything to happen? I can't make sense of it.
So a week or so go by, whereby I continue to ignore him. He tried to visit me at home, bring flowers, letters etc. all of which I ignore. Just before I leave to return to uni,
I agreed to meet him, however this just ended up involving us going for a walk outside and me shouting at him saying "how could you do this?", "why did you go with someone so young?", "but she's so different to me" etc etc. Since then I returned to uni and he continuously called/ text me letting me know how sorry he was and that he'd do anything to show me no matter how long it takes. After a lot of effort, I gave in believing that he was truly sorry. He was very good and supportive for a month, after which his efforts started lacking and would refuse to answer my questions. He started wanting more and more from me. I helped him finically and got him out a loan. I'm a student! He continuously let's me down with payments, which is due to his financial issues associated with drug use. I've always been good to him (well...most of the time). I want more than the world for him to just respect me and treat me like he loved me, as he says he does.
So now after letting me down with payments, shouting at me and hanging up continuously, I didn't know what else to do other than to block contact with him. Kevin, I know from reading this what you will think, but he is a good person deep down; affectionate, caring, funny and loving, however this dark side is extremely overwhelming.
I want to follow the NC rule, which you say will make him want me back and wonder what I'm up to and care etc. However, more importantly, I want to be happy with him and maintain that happiness. How can I gain the respect and treatment that I deserve. I love him very dearly - I'm not sure if he truly knows this. It's as if he never truly listens or care about how I feel,
Thanks.
It's entirely possible he cheated on you and was lying to you when he asked you to visit him. It's hard to say if it's a rebound. I guess the best course of action is to stay no contact and wait for him to contact you. Give him some time, and if he doesn't contact you, you should contact him and ask him if he cheated on you.
Right where to begin, so i was 16 and going to an end of school year formal dance type thing, and i meet this girl with whom i have a great night with and think is amazing e.t.c and from there we start constantly talking, getting to know each other, joking around and such. It was obvious we really liked each other then it was easy to see. The only problem was she had some pretty bad views on relationships and 'love', i think the best way to describe her in terms of these views (without sounding too childish or petty) is that she had very similar views to Summer Finn from 500 days of summer, she thought relationships were farce and hated cliches and things and showing affection and so on.
Regardless, after about 3 weeks of non-stop interaction i finally ask her to be in a relationship. and she said yes, but with a long speech about how she didnt like the ideas of a boyfriend or relationships and love but that i was the exception, along with that she never wanted to hear me say things like "be together forever" "never stop loving you" and to this day i haven't. Our relationship lasted 3 months, pretty much over the period of summer, and it was a dream, i enjoyed it all and truth be told wanted to say the things she wouldn't want to hear, but then in the final weeks it went bad as, well at the time i was very very needy and emotional and sensitive as prior to that i had never really had much experience in relationships, and she wasn't exactly a stereotypical movie girlfriend or whatever.
Eventually she couldn't handle me demanding affection, proof that she liked me e.t.c and she obviously had a negative view on relationships as it was and this was over the top. After i gave a ridiculous and badly thought out ultimatum of affection showing or leave she ended it. An important thing to understand here is despite my age (16 then now 17) i really do think her to be something important to me and that my feelings were in fact genuine and not childish thoughts. So after the break up i was obviously a mess and with winter approaching i couldn't deal with anything very well and life was terrible, also in the following 2 months i had my fair share of desperate begging and late night apologizing and "i want you back"s.
Eventually i independently realised i needed to be happy with myself and not be independent on others for happiness, and now 4 months after the break up (after a month of no contact, which she even wasnt on my mind during) i have practically matured in the understanding of what makes me happy and consequently making changes (appearance, interests, friend choices, everyday life really) but she is always eventually on my mind again, not in a desperately missing way or i love her way, but more like a romance and companionship based nostalgia.
I've decided i want her back, for reasons i cant quite explain simply, but i see a good future with her, i don't need her, but i would like to be with her again, and i know it will work better as im definitely nowhere near as desperate as i was before and i understand myself better. She isn't in a relationship and i talked to her properly fir the first time in a month yesterday and it went well (normally she replies very bluntly, and trust me it's easy to sense the tone of her messages but this time she was actually engaged) it was a 4-5 hour long conversation about general things and it was comfortable and good.
I haven't talked to her yet since, and all i want to know from you Kevin, is whether or not in your professional opinion i should try and get her back, and if so, any advice?
Thanks.
Hey,
I think you can try to get her back since it's not coming from a place of desperation and neediness. So, follow the plan, build attraction and then ask her again to be your girlfriend. Even if it doesn't work out again, you really don't have anything to lose. At least, you can rest your mind knowing it'll never work out with her.
Hey,
I think you can try to get her back since it's not coming from a place of desperation and neediness. So, follow the plan, build attraction and then ask her again to be your girlfriend. Even if it doesn't work out again, you really don't have anything to lose. At least, you can rest your mind knowing it'll never work out with her.
Kevin,
Great site you have, it's helping me understand.
My relationship of 6yrs ended Sept 2013 . I'm 41 and she 26.I cheated on her and she moved out, she wouldn't take my calls or respond to any contact. She formed a rebound relationship 3 weeks after the split and posted her delight about the new guy on Facebook. It lasted 3 weeks and she ended it with him. She then took my calls and we were on speaking terms again. She would be ok with me one week then ignore me completely at random. I made to usual mistakes of needy ness, clingy , jealousy whilst trying to reconsile. After 2 months we started to have sex now and then. But it made me want to reconsile more so, and I continued to persist and look needy. After another month or so she said we will try to work it out, but after a short time she advised me it wasn't working and she couldn't forgive me, also her parents strongly urged her to forget me. I kept persisting and we were still having sex but she would still show anger at me during conversations about us or a future. This behaviour has been ongoing as has the sex making it harder for me to understand what to do. I found your site around 3 weeks ago and decided to use no contact, lasted a week before I broke it by calling her. I decided to start no contact again as soon as the call was finished. I sent her a SMS last week saying I accept it's over and it's best for us both, decided to let go , apologised for my needy ness and pushing to reconcile. I have mixed up the process in timeframe and I'm unsure of what I should do? Thank you Kevin.
Hey,
Wait another two to three weeks before contacting her. Try to make some positive changes in your life during this time. This will show her you are capable of change and will give her hope. Also, if possible, go for counseling. This will show her that you are willing to understand your mistakes and learn from them so you don't repeat it again. Hopefully, when you meet her after no contact, these changes will make her feel like she can give it another try. But make sure you don't ask her to get back together. Don't push her into it. Take things slowly.
Hey,
Wait another two to three weeks before contacting her. Try to make some positive changes in your life during this time. This will show her you are capable of change and will give her hope. Also, if possible, go for counseling. This will show her that you are willing to understand your mistakes and learn from them so you don't repeat it again. Hopefully, when you meet her after no contact, these changes will make her feel like she can give it another try. But make sure you don't ask her to get back together. Don't push her into it. Take things slowly.
Hello Kevin,
Thanks for your articles. They have given me a lot to think about and consider. I am currently going through a very strange 'break up' with my fiance of 4 years and there are some unique issues in our situation that are not really covered in your articles. I was hoping you could offer some suggestions for me.
In the last year, things had been hard and unhappy in the relationship (particularly caused by financial issues). By September of this year, things seemed to be getting better, but in November, he went to cuba for a week and came back telling me he met someone he was madly in love with and wished to end things with me.
Despite this, he has been surprisingly open to the idea of fixing things, though still wants a 'break'. That said, we still live together, a mutual decision not only because we don't want to physically have to make the move, but also because we don't want to separate. While I do believe creating space and time is productive, I'm in a situation where the 'no contact' period is impossible. I'm not sure how to give him the time and break he seems to want.
In the last 3 months, we have had some really great and open talks. This has included talking about what we didn't like about the relationship and things that hurt us that we never talked about before. While some people argue there isn't a benefit to 'talking about the relationship', he's actually expressed that he likes it and is truly very open and honest when we do sit down and talk. He's even said that he feels closer to me every time we talk, even when it's hard.
I believe he does have feelings for this woman down in cuba, though I think it is mostly based on infatuation and his decisions and actions right now seem more emotionally based than rationally based. However, he has said several times since his trip to cuba that he has strong feelings for me and would be devastated if he lost me. He has also in the past 3 weeks said, with a great deal of honesty, that he loves me. In other words, it feels as if I am changing his mind and heart about me and our relationship.
However, he seems very confused about the situation which has resulted in his feelings and behaviour changing almost daily. He said he intended on ending things with me when he got back from cuba, but since being back, things have changed. With all the talking and attempts on both sides to 'fix things', we now have a stronger and deeper connection than we had before (a mutual opinion). He has admitted that since being back, the person I am now and the state of the current relationship is like night and day compared to before (his words).
However, this hasn't stopped him from pursuing this woman down in cuba. I know he texts her every day to say he loves her and misses her and counts down the days until he sees her again. The fact that he managed to 'fall in love' with this woman who doesn't even speak english and wants to marry her and buy a house with her hours after meeting her seems, frankly, insane. It makes me think it is less about her and our relationship and more about something else. I wonder if the extreme level of intimacy and commitment to her within hours of meeting her fits the 'rebound relationship' definition from your article.
During the past 3 months, I have definitely been guilty of making all the 'mistakes' you mention in your article. However, it is undeniable that my decisions to try fix things and act kind and caring towards him has been bringing him closer back to me. At the same time, I don't want to be 'the doormat' who lets him walk all over me.
While I know every situation is different based on the individual, do you think it is better to keep trying to actively rekindle the relationship, or should I purposefully create space by restricting our contact, communication and the things I do for him? I don't want to appear cold and drive him away further, but I also don't want to facilitate him thinking he can have the woman in cuba while I'll still be here to do all the nice things he wants. It feels like a fine and delicate line.
We are 3 months into this mess, and while a part of me wants to think this is a temporary thing I need to just let him do and wait out, another part of me feels like I need to win him back quickly before he runs off for good.
What should I do at this point, considering all I've done and if I am unable to physically create space or make 'no contact'. How likely is it that people get back together after breaking up, especially in my situation, where his mind and heart seem preoccupied with the infatuation with another woman?
Thanks for your time.
Hey,
It's definitely just infatuation and it's a rebound. I think it's better to create space and restrict contact for a while. However, you can have a talk with him before doing so telling him that you think this is best course of action right now since you feel disrespected by the fact that he is with the other women at the same time he is with you. Let him know that you will wait for him until he makes his decision but you will not be a doormat or his backup.
Hey,
It's definitely just infatuation and it's a rebound. I think it's better to create space and restrict contact for a while. However, you can have a talk with him before doing so telling him that you think this is best course of action right now since you feel disrespected by the fact that he is with the other women at the same time he is with you. Let him know that you will wait for him until he makes his decision but you will not be a doormat or his backup.
Kevin, thank you so much for the article :) Reading it is giving me hope already.
I'm just wondering, was it a good thing to keep my Twitter account private to keep him out for the 30 NC days? Or does it make me seem bitter? It's so hard not seeing him or communicating with him because we see each other almost everyday at work.
Yes, it's a god idea. It doesn't make you seem bitter. Even if it does, you can explain him after no contact that you needed some space and time.
Yes, it's a god idea. It doesn't make you seem bitter. Even if it does, you can explain him after no contact that you needed some space and time.
me and my ex split up we were married for 20 years he moved into a flat with a friend but spending time with a younger female friend, although reassuring me all the time that there was only friendship involved .he believed I was seeing someone although I reassured him the same .he did not want to divorce until I went to visit this friend then he announced he had met someone new on a dating site and within three days said he wants a divorce then he didn't then he did . he moved in with her after a few weeks and will no longer see me when he picks up our children . he still gets angry when we have to talk and is trying to prevent any contact . he blames me for everything and says I pushed him into it .he is in debt,has health problems and cannot afford to live on his own anymore . he seems uninterested in our children sometimes and concentrates on hers.he lies to me and everyone else now to justify himself . I have texted told him I love him want him back but then tried to let him go and gotten angry with him . I have lost my job and am so down . I ask the children about him to all of which I no shouldn't is there any hope left . he signed our divorce papers after we argued ,to start the divorce process . he has only just changed his address although has been gone a year now . and will not give me our house key back . even since he has been with her he wanted to stay on one of our household bills and to take it out in his name .
Hey Gill,
I am sorry you are going through this after 20 years of being together. I hope he realizes what he is doing and comes back. But unfortunately, you can't do anything if he decides to go through with the divorce. I'll recommend you be prepared for the worst.
Hey Gill,
I am sorry you are going through this after 20 years of being together. I hope he realizes what he is doing and comes back. But unfortunately, you can't do anything if he decides to go through with the divorce. I'll recommend you be prepared for the worst.
Hi Kevin, great blog. I just wanna share my situation. My relationship with my boyfriend ended yesterday. It lasted for 10 months. He's married with 2 adorable young children (5 & 2). We work in the same company so im afraid no contact isn't completely applicable on my case. His marriage was becoming stagnant even before we've met. He wasn't happy and he fell out of love with his wife. They dont live together anymore under one roof. Our relationship was a bliss, it made me a better person, i have become a mature woman than i was on my previous relationships. He made me a better person. All the stress and troubles started when his wife found out about us about 4 months ago. But we fought for what we had. He fought for me when his parents strongly disapproved of our relationship because they dont want him to leave his children. We fought really hard. But all the stress caused by his wife has became a strain in our relationship. She was harassing us on email & facebook. She even contacted some of my relatives and telling them very much bad things about me. Until yesterday, he said he wanted to call off our relationship. He said he wanna protect me and spare me from all the troubles that his wife is up to. So he decided to just clean up his mess and patch things up with her. Considering my situation, i hope not to be judged by anyone here. I want him back Kevin because I know he still loves me so much. I've already made the mistake of sending him emails on the night of our breakup telling him i miss him so much and begged for him to come back and still calls him of our endearment term. His replies were "everything's gonna be ok, just be strong" "sorry for everything i know words are not enough. but i cant do anything now to heal those wounds. my love for you will never fade. you'll always have a place into my heart". Kevin, i need your help. I want to start a new relationship with him again.
Hey Veronica,
I am so sorry you are in this situation. However, there is really nothing you can do if he wants to try things out with his wife. I will only recommend you concentrate your efforts in moving on. I know it feels like he was the only one for you, but it's simply not true. You'll find many men out there who will make you feel same and maybe even better than he did.
If there was something you could've done to get him back, I would've told you so. But there is nothing that will not make you look like a needy person who is trying to ruin someone's marriage. This is why I am recommending you concentrate your efforts in moving on. If his marriage doesn't work out, he'll come back to you. But you should not count on it and accept that he might never come back to you.
Thank you for taking time to reply Kevin, it really means a lot. I wrote the 1st comment 1st day after our painful break-up, during that time i was so obssessed on getting him back. Today is the 5th day and as time passes by i am getting into my senses and getting a hold of the situation. Even before i've read your reply, i've been thinking about the exact same thing - i cannot stop him from trying things out with his wife. After being absent at work since we broke up, i decided to come to the office and submit my resignation letter. He asked me to have a coffee after, it was the 1st time we'll talk after the break-up. I can say he's holding his tears, he told me how much he misses me. What surprised me was when he asked "if i ask for another chance, will you still accept me?" i ask what was the question for, he said "nothing just for argument's sake." so i told him "only if you've decided to leave your wife. it cant be both of us. if its her, then its her. if its me, i want it to be only me". he just nodded. I can also recall him saying that sometimes he thinks about his decision and thinking if he's done the right thing. The conversation went smooth, like were both trying to create a light atmosphere for both of us, when suddenly i mentioned (without any intention to make him jealous) that i've been exchanging text messages with this one guy whose been texting me while back. After hearing it, his mood kinda changed and asked me why did i have to tell him that, i said "nothing i just mentioned it", then he suddenly asked me if he can just leave 1st because he needs to take care of something. What do you think are the reasons behind his actions Kevin? Why was he asking about the 2nd chance and why did he react that way about me texting someone else? I dont wanna expect. I just wanna know, based on your opinion, if there is a chance that he'd still go back to me? I am not gonna make any move to get him back and ruin his marriage. Im going to stay out of the picture give him space and time to decide on what he really want. If day comes he realizes he wanna come back to me i'd be VERY VERY happy. But just like what you say, i'll also prepare myself that it will never happen.
He is obviously confused about his feelings. He loved you and he probably still loves you. But he has decided to give his family a chance and there's nothing you can do about that. He might be second guessing his decision since he still has feelings for you, perhaps that's why he is talking about a second chance. But like I said, don't get your hopes and be prepared for the worst.
And he obviously got jealous when you mentioned about texting someone else. It's a natural reaction when someone you love (or loved) is thinking about being with someone else.
He is obviously confused about his feelings. He loved you and he probably still loves you. But he has decided to give his family a chance and there's nothing you can do about that. He might be second guessing his decision since he still has feelings for you, perhaps that's why he is talking about a second chance. But like I said, don't get your hopes and be prepared for the worst.
And he obviously got jealous when you mentioned about texting someone else. It's a natural reaction when someone you love (or loved) is thinking about being with someone else.
He is obviously confused about his feelings. He loved you and he probably still loves you. But he has decided to give his family a chance and there's nothing you can do about that. He might be second guessing his decision since he still has feelings for you, perhaps that's why he is talking about a second chance. But like I said, don't get your hopes and be prepared for the worst.
And he obviously got jealous when you mentioned about texting someone else. It's a natural reaction when someone you love (or loved) is thinking about being with someone else.
He is obviously confused about his feelings. He loved you and he probably still loves you. But he has decided to give his family a chance and there's nothing you can do about that. He might be second guessing his decision since he still has feelings for you, perhaps that's why he is talking about a second chance. But like I said, don't get your hopes and be prepared for the worst.
And he obviously got jealous when you mentioned about texting someone else. It's a natural reaction when someone you love (or loved) is thinking about being with someone else.
Thank you for taking time to reply Kevin, it really means a lot. I wrote the 1st comment 1st day after our painful break-up, during that time i was so obssessed on getting him back. Today is the 5th day and as time passes by i am getting into my senses and getting a hold of the situation. Even before i've read your reply, i've been thinking about the exact same thing - i cannot stop him from trying things out with his wife. After being absent at work since we broke up, i decided to come to the office and submit my resignation letter. He asked me to have a coffee after, it was the 1st time we'll talk after the break-up. I can say he's holding his tears, he told me how much he misses me. What surprised me was when he asked "if i ask for another chance, will you still accept me?" i ask what was the question for, he said "nothing just for argument's sake." so i told him "only if you've decided to leave your wife. it cant be both of us. if its her, then its her. if its me, i want it to be only me". he just nodded. I can also recall him saying that sometimes he thinks about his decision and thinking if he's done the right thing. The conversation went smooth, like were both trying to create a light atmosphere for both of us, when suddenly i mentioned (without any intention to make him jealous) that i've been exchanging text messages with this one guy whose been texting me while back. After hearing it, his mood kinda changed and asked me why did i have to tell him that, i said "nothing i just mentioned it", then he suddenly asked me if he can just leave 1st because he needs to take care of something. What do you think are the reasons behind his actions Kevin? Why was he asking about the 2nd chance and why did he react that way about me texting someone else? I dont wanna expect. I just wanna know, based on your opinion, if there is a chance that he'd still go back to me? I am not gonna make any move to get him back and ruin his marriage. Im going to stay out of the picture give him space and time to decide on what he really want. If day comes he realizes he wanna come back to me i'd be VERY VERY happy. But just like what you say, i'll also prepare myself that it will never happen.
Thank you for taking time to reply Kevin, it really means a lot. I wrote the 1st comment 1st day after our painful break-up, during that time i was so obssessed on getting him back. Today is the 5th day and as time passes by i am getting into my senses and getting a hold of the situation. Even before i've read your reply, i've been thinking about the exact same thing - i cannot stop him from trying things out with his wife. After being absent at work since we broke up, i decided to come to the office and submit my resignation letter. He asked me to have a coffee after, it was the 1st time we'll talk after the break-up. I can say he's holding his tears, he told me how much he misses me. What surprised me was when he asked "if i ask for another chance, will you still accept me?" i ask what was the question for, he said "nothing just for argument's sake." so i told him "only if you've decided to leave your wife. it cant be both of us. if its her, then its her. if its me, i want it to be only me". he just nodded. I can also recall him saying that sometimes he thinks about his decision and thinking if he's done the right thing. The conversation went smooth, like were both trying to create a light atmosphere for both of us, when suddenly i mentioned (without any intention to make him jealous) that i've been exchanging text messages with this one guy whose been texting me while back. After hearing it, his mood kinda changed and asked me why did i have to tell him that, i said "nothing i just mentioned it", then he suddenly asked me if he can just leave 1st because he needs to take care of something. What do you think are the reasons behind his actions Kevin? Why was he asking about the 2nd chance and why did he react that way about me texting someone else? I dont wanna expect. I just wanna know, based on your opinion, if there is a chance that he'd still go back to me? I am not gonna make any move to get him back and ruin his marriage. Im going to stay out of the picture give him space and time to decide on what he really want. If day comes he realizes he wanna come back to me i'd be VERY VERY happy. But just like what you say, i'll also prepare myself that it will never happen.
Hey Veronica,
I am so sorry you are in this situation. However, there is really nothing you can do if he wants to try things out with his wife. I will only recommend you concentrate your efforts in moving on. I know it feels like he was the only one for you, but it's simply not true. You'll find many men out there who will make you feel same and maybe even better than he did.
If there was something you could've done to get him back, I would've told you so. But there is nothing that will not make you look like a needy person who is trying to ruin someone's marriage. This is why I am recommending you concentrate your efforts in moving on. If his marriage doesn't work out, he'll come back to you. But you should not count on it and accept that he might never come back to you.
Hi Kelvin. This is my story. My ex girlfriend and I were the best friends at foundation time. During the degree, she changed the uni and started the interest on me. And the time passed, we were finally be the couple. She is my first love. But due to my sensitive sense, we always ended up with arguing all the time. At one time, I suggested to break with her, but I hold back after the second of it. But it made her changed the attitude on me till 2 months later. We had a big argument due to a argument case that related me and my best friend who is the best friend of hers too. She chose the friend's side and said that friend is even more important than bf. It really made me so angry about it and I suggested to come out face to face talk. I never scold her and it was a argument. After that day, she suggested to break, saying that she's feeling tired. I had also done all the things that you mentioned at above some sort like begging. And till now, we have almost passed one month. When I tried to message her, she will take a long time to reply. Her friends told me that she wants to see my changes on my attitude, I am willing to do so. But due to our long distance, I can't even get a chance to meet her. But the long distance is not a problem for us anymore. After the 4 days of begging, I had ignored her at any social network and waited a week and made a short video that containing the memories and apologizes to her as the valentines gift. She didn't reply. I ignored her again another week, till this thursday, she mentioned that I just can't change my attitudes and she shouldn't even wait me at one of the social network. I sent a text for her, telling her that I'm making changes now and time and action will prove everything. She replied that she was not mentioning about me. And I just told her that it was misunderstanding and close it till another day. I text her an empty message about asking her how is she recently, she didn't reply and I just sent again about yesterday's case, telling her it was a misunderstanding and I've already moved on. She replied me the first message, said very good now and I just told her very good and hope to chat next time and ended. Till now, I already started NC since yesterday and she is being chased by a lot of guys. We had passed one year of long distance relationship, and I really hope that there is still got chance for us to get back again. I have planned to not open any social network till 2 months later and follow your plan. Do I have the hope of it? Does this decision is correct? And even so do I need to send her the letter after the NC? Your help is much appreciated and sorry for my broken english.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I have been on the rocks for a few months now due to constant arguing and communication issues. At one point, our arguments have gotten physical. Because of past issues/feelings we have had and things we hold against each other, it's been hard for us to move forward and stop the arguing. Honestly, I feel our issues could have been resolved with a good therapist. He has been saying he wants to leave and breaking up with me on and off since October. Every time, I would convince him and beg him to stay and he did. I know I shouldn't have but it's too late now. We have been together almost two years. We met and got together in his home state and when I got a job offer in California, he moved here with me. We did everything fast had planned on being together forever and getting married but the emotions/arguing and my depression with the situation at my new job has taken such a toll on our relationship to the point where he feels he is no longer in love with me and the fighting is a burden and added stress on his life. The day before Valentines day, he finally decided he couldn’t do it anymore and broke it off. On Valentines day, we fought and argued but by the end of the day he still have me the gift he had bought for me and we kissed. That night, we slept in the same bed, on opposite sides. The next day he went out of town with his friends, while out partying, he lost his wallet and got lost and his phone was dying. He called me and I helped him by paying for a taxi to get him home. He called me the next morning thanking him for saving his life and when he got back, we decided to take it day by day. Then yesterday, I got upset because of the way our relationship was (I shouldn’t have been so emotional) , he was irritated and tired of dealing with issues and he broke it off for good.
He is not financially stable enough to get his own place right now so is staying with friends and kind of bumming it. I feel bad and wanted him to stay here but he says he wants to be able to be single, go out on dates and sleep with other women. There is no way I could live with him while he does that so he moved out this morning. He says he still loves me but doesn't think we're good for each other right now because of the arguing. When we broke up, we were both crying and hugging. He says the door is never closed for us and maybe sometime down the line we will rekindle but he can't guarantee that (obviously) and definitely not right now. He also says hes never felt like theres still a chance in any other break up and really feels I am an amazing woman. After all the begging and pleading the last few months, I've decided to finally stop but I don’t know if it’s too late. I helped him pack all his things, he slept over (no sex just hanging out, watching tv), and this morning I picked a fight because he was still hanging around me but claiming he wanted to leave me so bad. The truth is, last night we had a good night but after that, we argued this morning and he left. He was only around today because he didn’t really have anywhere to go. I feel like I shouldn’t have made him leave and also just don’t know if NC will help or hurt in this situation. I still help him financially because we have some bills together so there may still be some communication there. Should I stop helping him financially even though it might seriously affect him? Should I just let him live here and try to be the person he fell in love with again so he can see? Should I let him go and do NC? Is it a lost cause? Help!!!
I don't think you should stop helping him financially unless he asks you to do it. And yes, no contact will help you in your situation. Don't try to make him stay with you. It's good for both of you that you don't see each other for a while. Follow the plan in this article.
Hi Kevin,
Do you think NC is a lost cause? I already begged him to come back for 10 days and he's been saying over and over that his answer is not going to change and me talking about our relationship everyday and asking these questions is making it worse and pushing him away and "Unattractive". at one point, i pushed so hard he started to Bawl and say hes so tired of this conversation the answer is no! He's already started flirting with and courting other women (gifts etc). Do you think its too late and I already ruined it? We are still talking and he wants to be "friends" and maybe everything will rekindle if we can be friends again. He says in the past we've been so focused on the relationship qspect, we havent cared for each other as friends first. It's hard for me to do that though and I can't start NC until he finally moves out. What do I do till then? It's so hard to not ask about us while he's right here in my face :(
Apply limited contact. Don't talk about anything personal and create your own space in the house you are living in. Don't talk to him about anything other than house related stuff. If he asks about your changed behavior, let him know that you need some space and time and in your opinion, this is the only way you can create some space for yourself.
Kevin,
I really appreciate your help. He moved out a few days ago (I wasn't home). I called him to wish him the best etc... he said he'd meet me in the morning for our dmv appointment. I said oh ok we'll just talk then and he says "what's there to talk about?". I said what I had to say and he said "likewise". He was very short. The next morning when he came to pick me up, I gave him the rest of his things, got my keys and other things and did not join him for the appointment. He asked to borrow my ipad to use as a tv since he is staying with someone right now but I simply said no. The next day I saw on the ipad/imessage (he used to also use it) that he talked to and had been complaining to multiple women about us/the breakup and later that night went to the movies with one (basically on a date). This is all literally the day after he moved out. From the messages, its clear he has been lying to me about the extent of his relationships with these girls for months and has cheated. I also saw in his e-mail he signed up for "millionare match" dating site, a website to "meet rich women" three days before he moved out! He seems like such a scam artist. I'm glad I came across these messages because it shows me the real reason we broke up--he wasn't even really here for months.
He has been driving one of my cars and helped with a few of the payments but now that we are through, I have asked for my car back on Monday (politely via text). He responded that Monday is too soon and that he was thinking April 1st. I didn't respond right away and then he called several times (no answer) then showed up at my house within 45minutes wanting to talk (even though according to him "theres nothing to talk about"). I was on my way out and he pulled up next to my car to block me in and asked me why I was ignoring him. On the spot, I just lied and said I didn't get his calls. At first he refused to move but I kept on saying I had to go and was in a rush so then he said ok let's talk tomorrow when he comes to give me the $200 I let him borrow earlier this week. I agreed. But as much as I want to talk and get answers about the lies and the other women, I know I won't get the responses I want and the conversation will probably make it worse. I don't want to give him till April 1st with the car. He is being disrespectful running around in my car visiting and courting several other women already. He lied to me about all of this for months and I no longer want to be used by him. How can I avoid talking tomorrow and put my foot down? I am thinking to text him and ask him to deposit the money at the bank, say that unfortunately I still need the car Monday and let him know that as he requested, space and time is probably the best thing right now so talking is not the best idea. Is that mean? Can you tell me what your advice would be here? Thank you!
Hey,
No it will not be mean. I think you should absolutely tell him to stop contact. And I have a feeling that things are going to get tough for you in the upcoming days. It's quite possible that he will refuse to give you your car or your money back. I suggest you contact a lawyer and be prepared in case things go out of hand. Don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he again comes to your house uninvited and tries something funny. Do not think about being kind to him. He has disrespected you enough and will continue to do so if you let him. Be prepared to take legal action.
Hey,
No it will not be mean. I think you should absolutely tell him to stop contact. And I have a feeling that things are going to get tough for you in the upcoming days. It's quite possible that he will refuse to give you your car or your money back. I suggest you contact a lawyer and be prepared in case things go out of hand. Don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he again comes to your house uninvited and tries something funny. Do not think about being kind to him. He has disrespected you enough and will continue to do so if you let him. Be prepared to take legal action.
Hey,
No it will not be mean. I think you should absolutely tell him to stop contact. And I have a feeling that things are going to get tough for you in the upcoming days. It's quite possible that he will refuse to give you your car or your money back. I suggest you contact a lawyer and be prepared in case things go out of hand. Don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he again comes to your house uninvited and tries something funny. Do not think about being kind to him. He has disrespected you enough and will continue to do so if you let him. Be prepared to take legal action.
Hey,
No it will not be mean. I think you should absolutely tell him to stop contact. And I have a feeling that things are going to get tough for you in the upcoming days. It's quite possible that he will refuse to give you your car or your money back. I suggest you contact a lawyer and be prepared in case things go out of hand. Don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he again comes to your house uninvited and tries something funny. Do not think about being kind to him. He has disrespected you enough and will continue to do so if you let him. Be prepared to take legal action.
Hey,
No it will not be mean. I think you should absolutely tell him to stop contact. And I have a feeling that things are going to get tough for you in the upcoming days. It's quite possible that he will refuse to give you your car or your money back. I suggest you contact a lawyer and be prepared in case things go out of hand. Don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he again comes to your house uninvited and tries something funny. Do not think about being kind to him. He has disrespected you enough and will continue to do so if you let him. Be prepared to take legal action.
Hey,
No it will not be mean. I think you should absolutely tell him to stop contact. And I have a feeling that things are going to get tough for you in the upcoming days. It's quite possible that he will refuse to give you your car or your money back. I suggest you contact a lawyer and be prepared in case things go out of hand. Don't be afraid to call the cops on him if he again comes to your house uninvited and tries something funny. Do not think about being kind to him. He has disrespected you enough and will continue to do so if you let him. Be prepared to take legal action.
Kevin,
I really appreciate your help. He moved out a few days ago (I wasn't home). I called him to wish him the best etc... he said he'd meet me in the morning for our dmv appointment. I said oh ok we'll just talk then and he says "what's there to talk about?". I said what I had to say and he said "likewise". He was very short. The next morning when he came to pick me up, I gave him the rest of his things, got my keys and other things and did not join him for the appointment. He asked to borrow my ipad to use as a tv since he is staying with someone right now but I simply said no. The next day I saw on the ipad/imessage (he used to also use it) that he talked to and had been complaining to multiple women about us/the breakup and later that night went to the movies with one (basically on a date). This is all literally the day after he moved out. From the messages, its clear he has been lying to me about the extent of his relationships with these girls for months and has cheated. I also saw in his e-mail he signed up for "millionare match" dating site, a website to "meet rich women" three days before he moved out! He seems like such a scam artist. I'm glad I came across these messages because it shows me the real reason we broke up--he wasn't even really here for months.
He has been driving one of my cars and helped with a few of the payments but now that we are through, I have asked for my car back on Monday (politely via text). He responded that Monday is too soon and that he was thinking April 1st. I didn't respond right away and then he called several times (no answer) then showed up at my house within 45minutes wanting to talk (even though according to him "theres nothing to talk about"). I was on my way out and he pulled up next to my car to block me in and asked me why I was ignoring him. On the spot, I just lied and said I didn't get his calls. At first he refused to move but I kept on saying I had to go and was in a rush so then he said ok let's talk tomorrow when he comes to give me the $200 I let him borrow earlier this week. I agreed. But as much as I want to talk and get answers about the lies and the other women, I know I won't get the responses I want and the conversation will probably make it worse. I don't want to give him till April 1st with the car. He is being disrespectful running around in my car visiting and courting several other women already. He lied to me about all of this for months and I no longer want to be used by him. How can I avoid talking tomorrow and put my foot down? I am thinking to text him and ask him to deposit the money at the bank, say that unfortunately I still need the car Monday and let him know that as he requested, space and time is probably the best thing right now so talking is not the best idea. Is that mean? Can you tell me what your advice would be here? Thank you!
Kevin,
I really appreciate your help. He moved out a few days ago (I wasn't home). I called him to wish him the best etc... he said he'd meet me in the morning for our dmv appointment. I said oh ok we'll just talk then and he says "what's there to talk about?". I said what I had to say and he said "likewise". He was very short. The next morning when he came to pick me up, I gave him the rest of his things, got my keys and other things and did not join him for the appointment. He asked to borrow my ipad to use as a tv since he is staying with someone right now but I simply said no. The next day I saw on the ipad/imessage (he used to also use it) that he talked to and had been complaining to multiple women about us/the breakup and later that night went to the movies with one (basically on a date). This is all literally the day after he moved out. From the messages, its clear he has been lying to me about the extent of his relationships with these girls for months and has cheated. I also saw in his e-mail he signed up for "millionare match" dating site, a website to "meet rich women" three days before he moved out! He seems like such a scam artist. I'm glad I came across these messages because it shows me the real reason we broke up--he wasn't even really here for months.
He has been driving one of my cars and helped with a few of the payments but now that we are through, I have asked for my car back on Monday (politely via text). He responded that Monday is too soon and that he was thinking April 1st. I didn't respond right away and then he called several times (no answer) then showed up at my house within 45minutes wanting to talk (even though according to him "theres nothing to talk about"). I was on my way out and he pulled up next to my car to block me in and asked me why I was ignoring him. On the spot, I just lied and said I didn't get his calls. At first he refused to move but I kept on saying I had to go and was in a rush so then he said ok let's talk tomorrow when he comes to give me the $200 I let him borrow earlier this week. I agreed. But as much as I want to talk and get answers about the lies and the other women, I know I won't get the responses I want and the conversation will probably make it worse. I don't want to give him till April 1st with the car. He is being disrespectful running around in my car visiting and courting several other women already. He lied to me about all of this for months and I no longer want to be used by him. How can I avoid talking tomorrow and put my foot down? I am thinking to text him and ask him to deposit the money at the bank, say that unfortunately I still need the car Monday and let him know that as he requested, space and time is probably the best thing right now so talking is not the best idea. Is that mean? Can you tell me what your advice would be here? Thank you!
Kevin,
I really appreciate your help. He moved out a few days ago (I wasn't home). I called him to wish him the best etc... he said he'd meet me in the morning for our dmv appointment. I said oh ok we'll just talk then and he says "what's there to talk about?". I said what I had to say and he said "likewise". He was very short. The next morning when he came to pick me up, I gave him the rest of his things, got my keys and other things and did not join him for the appointment. He asked to borrow my ipad to use as a tv since he is staying with someone right now but I simply said no. The next day I saw on the ipad/imessage (he used to also use it) that he talked to and had been complaining to multiple women about us/the breakup and later that night went to the movies with one (basically on a date). This is all literally the day after he moved out. From the messages, its clear he has been lying to me about the extent of his relationships with these girls for months and has cheated. I also saw in his e-mail he signed up for "millionare match" dating site, a website to "meet rich women" three days before he moved out! He seems like such a scam artist. I'm glad I came across these messages because it shows me the real reason we broke up--he wasn't even really here for months.
He has been driving one of my cars and helped with a few of the payments but now that we are through, I have asked for my car back on Monday (politely via text). He responded that Monday is too soon and that he was thinking April 1st. I didn't respond right away and then he called several times (no answer) then showed up at my house within 45minutes wanting to talk (even though according to him "theres nothing to talk about"). I was on my way out and he pulled up next to my car to block me in and asked me why I was ignoring him. On the spot, I just lied and said I didn't get his calls. At first he refused to move but I kept on saying I had to go and was in a rush so then he said ok let's talk tomorrow when he comes to give me the $200 I let him borrow earlier this week. I agreed. But as much as I want to talk and get answers about the lies and the other women, I know I won't get the responses I want and the conversation will probably make it worse. I don't want to give him till April 1st with the car. He is being disrespectful running around in my car visiting and courting several other women already. He lied to me about all of this for months and I no longer want to be used by him. How can I avoid talking tomorrow and put my foot down? I am thinking to text him and ask him to deposit the money at the bank, say that unfortunately I still need the car Monday and let him know that as he requested, space and time is probably the best thing right now so talking is not the best idea. Is that mean? Can you tell me what your advice would be here? Thank you!
Kevin,
I really appreciate your help. He moved out a few days ago (I wasn't home). I called him to wish him the best etc... he said he'd meet me in the morning for our dmv appointment. I said oh ok we'll just talk then and he says "what's there to talk about?". I said what I had to say and he said "likewise". He was very short. The next morning when he came to pick me up, I gave him the rest of his things, got my keys and other things and did not join him for the appointment. He asked to borrow my ipad to use as a tv since he is staying with someone right now but I simply said no. The next day I saw on the ipad/imessage (he used to also use it) that he talked to and had been complaining to multiple women about us/the breakup and later that night went to the movies with one (basically on a date). This is all literally the day after he moved out. From the messages, its clear he has been lying to me about the extent of his relationships with these girls for months and has cheated. I also saw in his e-mail he signed up for "millionare match" dating site, a website to "meet rich women" three days before he moved out! He seems like such a scam artist. I'm glad I came across these messages because it shows me the real reason we broke up--he wasn't even really here for months.
He has been driving one of my cars and helped with a few of the payments but now that we are through, I have asked for my car back on Monday (politely via text). He responded that Monday is too soon and that he was thinking April 1st. I didn't respond right away and then he called several times (no answer) then showed up at my house within 45minutes wanting to talk (even though according to him "theres nothing to talk about"). I was on my way out and he pulled up next to my car to block me in and asked me why I was ignoring him. On the spot, I just lied and said I didn't get his calls. At first he refused to move but I kept on saying I had to go and was in a rush so then he said ok let's talk tomorrow when he comes to give me the $200 I let him borrow earlier this week. I agreed. But as much as I want to talk and get answers about the lies and the other women, I know I won't get the responses I want and the conversation will probably make it worse. I don't want to give him till April 1st with the car. He is being disrespectful running around in my car visiting and courting several other women already. He lied to me about all of this for months and I no longer want to be used by him. How can I avoid talking tomorrow and put my foot down? I am thinking to text him and ask him to deposit the money at the bank, say that unfortunately I still need the car Monday and let him know that as he requested, space and time is probably the best thing right now so talking is not the best idea. Is that mean? Can you tell me what your advice would be here? Thank you!
Apply limited contact. Don't talk about anything personal and create your own space in the house you are living in. Don't talk to him about anything other than house related stuff. If he asks about your changed behavior, let him know that you need some space and time and in your opinion, this is the only way you can create some space for yourself.
Apply limited contact. Don't talk about anything personal and create your own space in the house you are living in. Don't talk to him about anything other than house related stuff. If he asks about your changed behavior, let him know that you need some space and time and in your opinion, this is the only way you can create some space for yourself.
Apply limited contact. Don't talk about anything personal and create your own space in the house you are living in. Don't talk to him about anything other than house related stuff. If he asks about your changed behavior, let him know that you need some space and time and in your opinion, this is the only way you can create some space for yourself.
Hi Kevin,
Do you think NC is a lost cause? I already begged him to come back for 10 days and he's been saying over and over that his answer is not going to change and me talking about our relationship everyday and asking these questions is making it worse and pushing him away and "Unattractive". at one point, i pushed so hard he started to Bawl and say hes so tired of this conversation the answer is no! He's already started flirting with and courting other women (gifts etc). Do you think its too late and I already ruined it? We are still talking and he wants to be "friends" and maybe everything will rekindle if we can be friends again. He says in the past we've been so focused on the relationship qspect, we havent cared for each other as friends first. It's hard for me to do that though and I can't start NC until he finally moves out. What do I do till then? It's so hard to not ask about us while he's right here in my face :(
Hi Kevin,
Do you think NC is a lost cause? I already begged him to come back for 10 days and he's been saying over and over that his answer is not going to change and me talking about our relationship everyday and asking these questions is making it worse and pushing him away and "Unattractive". at one point, i pushed so hard he started to Bawl and say hes so tired of this conversation the answer is no! He's already started flirting with and courting other women (gifts etc). Do you think its too late and I already ruined it? We are still talking and he wants to be "friends" and maybe everything will rekindle if we can be friends again. He says in the past we've been so focused on the relationship qspect, we havent cared for each other as friends first. It's hard for me to do that though and I can't start NC until he finally moves out. What do I do till then? It's so hard to not ask about us while he's right here in my face :(
I don't think you should stop helping him financially unless he asks you to do it. And yes, no contact will help you in your situation. Don't try to make him stay with you. It's good for both of you that you don't see each other for a while. Follow the plan in this article.
Hey, forgive this long post. I just split up with my fiance of 4 1/2 years. I was completely blindsided by this and she didn't tell me to my face that she felt this way; that she was too scared to. We've had a great time together over the years and I've sacrificed a lot to be with her, but in hindsight I can see all the times I wasn't who I should have been for her. It took this split, my aunt dying the same week, and seeing my grandfather (my aunt's father) in the hospital after his 3rd recent stroke for me to realize I needed to change for myself and for my ex fiance.
We have a strong history together but I lost my job last year (mostly my fault) and she's been working two jobs to keep us afloat along with my unemployment checks. I cannot help but think that that has had a large impact on this situation. She is now seeing my best friend (who I am assuming is a rebound) who lives in the same complex as me. I know what she wants in life; its all simple. And now I know I want what she wants.
I've truly changed over this time and I have used NC over this past week or so, after she came up with my to my aunt's funeral. Before I came up to my parent's we had a conversation and that we both don't want to be out of each other's lives and that I never intended for any of this to happen. She said she was done, but I don't believe her. I believe this other guy is clouding her mind so she cannot look at the relationship we had and realize we can have so much better with everything I know now. And his availability made is so she didn't give me a second chance.
I have to go back to our apt sooner than 30 days because I have to go to a job fair, then another interview. So I can't really do strict NC, and I hope just that short amount of contact we do make doesn't ruin any progress I've made using NC right now.
And what I really want to know is if she is thinking during all this time. About us, about the potential we could have, or if that's being clouded by her, imo, rebound relationship.
Just looking for advice, support, and hope. More details can be provided.
Yes, she will be thinking about you during this time. And it doesn't ruin no contact if you see her once or twice. Just make sure you don't talk about anything personal during that time. If she is still in the rebound relationship after no contact, then you should approach her as a friend and try to build attraction before asking her to try again.
Yes, she will be thinking about you during this time. And it doesn't ruin no contact if you see her once or twice. Just make sure you don't talk about anything personal during that time. If she is still in the rebound relationship after no contact, then you should approach her as a friend and try to build attraction before asking her to try again.
hello Kevin,
i'm applying the NC since 4 weeks now, my ex never contacted me but keeps changing his status on whatsapp regularly saying things like "you're still my girl" "i always think about you" "love you" but in the last week he's changed his status into "all girls are bitches" and i know it's all directed to me. are there chances he still likes me or does this mean he's moved on finally?!
I don't think he has moved on. He probably still has feelings for you. Why don't you contact him using one of the methods mentioned in this article.
I don't think he has moved on. He probably still has feelings for you. Why don't you contact him using one of the methods mentioned in this article.
Hi Kevin,
I came across your website and I think your articles are great. I'd like to get your thoughts on my relationship. I am almost in my mid 30 and he is in his late 30.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and he has just dropped the news on me just last Tue. that he wasn't feeling the same.
I was devastated even now I still am. He and I are still living together, we moved into an apartment last summer and things were still going fine, but the major problem that we have is "sex".
The first year we met, the sex part was great because I wasn't going back to school that time and he was happy. Then I started school and also worked full time, things were getting a bit difficult
with the whole sex thing. After the first year of our relationship, we still had sex sometimes but not often as it did before. I became stress because I was a full time student and worked full time, I had to make sure that I could cover all my expenses each month.
My boyfriend is still in school, but didn't work during the time we were dating. I had no problem dating him knowing he didn't have a job that time because we weren't living together and he didn't ask for money or anything ( he got a school loan and pell grant),
but then he started bugging me about sex that we didn't get to do it as much as we did in the first year. He told me I always used work and school as excuses that I couldn't be tired the entire year. I know it's a shame on my part because sex plays a big role in a relationship,
I have tried to make it work, but work and school were so overwhelming , then I started to lose the sex drive. I was always tired and didn't want to do much when I got to see him. Towards the end of 2012, we did try and it did happen, he felt a bit more better about the situation.
He asked me before the reason why I didn't want to do it much if it was because someone else, I never had anyone else and it has always been him. I love him so much and I always have, but he still had some doubts in me.
In the beginning of 2013, we decided to move in together but not until the end of May. We finally moved in together and his family was happy for us. He told me he was hoping our sex life would improve, but I guess i was too comfortable with the fact we got a place together and he was still with me, so he
wouldn't go anywhere. We had also fought about other stuff too like he said I am very defensive about things or I am very stressful person. I told him he was mean to me sometimes , he would say things to make me upset and he can be picky about some certain things. Somehow we managed to survive, everytime we fought
, we were able to talk and get through. He also said that he still loved me but won't garantee it will be the same if it keeps happening about the whole no sex and some other issues we have.I told him I would try to make things better, but the sex part still didn't happen even after we moved in. That time I felt like
I was carrying too much responsibilities because he still didn't have a job even we moved in together. In june, I was done with my school , so I didn't have to pay for it but was still working 6 days a week and I bought a brand new car. I was stressed because he wouldn't like if i talked to him to get a job. It turned out for 3 months, I had to cover all
expenses for both of us. I mean we were still kissing, cuddling, and touching each other, but just the sex it was like lost in the sea. In September, he got a part time job at the gym and soon got promoted to be a supervisor. My friends said once he gets a job and makes his own money , he might wanna do his own things or leave.
I didn't think of that but just thought I'll deal with it when the time comes.He also started to stop asking me about sex and we became like an old married couple. He told me before that I am a caring person, have a huge heart, and out of his exes , he is attracted to me the most. I have never been with anyone this long and even living together. I told him he could be the one
I want to spend my life with( I forgot to mention he was married before but no kids). Yet, we still haven't done anything till last month I decided to take the baby step and fool around with him to get the romance back and he agreed to do it. I thought things were going in a better direction til last Tue.
he got home from work and was hesitating to tell me. I asked him to talk to me, then he said he wasn't feeling the same and it was getting worse. He said we were just like roommates hanging out and mostly was about the sex thing. He said we didn't have a lot of things in common and he was mean to me.
My heart just dropped, i didn't know what to do but just freaked out. I was crying and begging him for a second chance which i would change my attitude and let loose more. He said we talked about this before and it's still happening, so he needed some space and we would just live with no affection.
I was crushed, it was really hard for me to accept that but it was what he wanted, so I gave hime some space. It was difficult to get through my day the next day but i had to. I came home from work and that night we continued to talk a bit about what happened from Tue. night, i was upset , so i asked if you 're not feeling the same, then we can't live like this.
Our lease is up in May, but the apt is under my name, so i talked to him about when he is moving out and he said he didn't want to talk about this at the moment. He also said if he changed his mind to get back together, he would have to say it , not me. He told me while we have our own spaces, i should reevaluate and this the best way for us. I insisted that I have a strong will and i believe that
this can be resolved if he is willing to give it a try again. He goes just think about it, if we're ready to talk and i still want to rekindle, he may consider it.
After Wed., I haven't talked to him about us, i was trying to act normal and talk to him about general stuff. I'm still sad but i am keeping myself busy with work and talk and hang out with friends.
I miss him and i want give him a kiss and hug when i see him, but i know i can't at this moment, so i'll just wait and see what's going to happen.
I apologize if my story gives you headache...lol.. but i hope you can tell me what your thoughts on this and what are my chances of us getting back together? I'm just afraid he will completely have no love and forget about me
by the time we are ready to talk again.
Thank you, Kevin
Hey Val,
Yes you do have a chance to get back together. And a good one at that. You just need to apply the NC rule and work on yourself. Since sex was a huge issue with you guys, I'd advise you to look into that. Get a therapist to talk about the issue or search online how other couples cope with different sex drives. I don't think he'll forget about you. In fact, I think he'll start missing you soon enough and want to talk to you eventually. Just make sure when you talk to him, you take things slowly and don't rush him into getting back together.
Kevin,
Thank you so much for responding back. I am working on myself and trying to let loose and not getting offended or being defensive easily, so I can be a better person. I am living my life and following the NC rules, but the only thing is we are still living together and I'm not sure when he is moving out or if he can afford to move right now. I only talk to him about general stuff and something related to the household but not about our relationship. Since we are still living in the same roof, it's difficult to completely avoid each other. So far we have only been texting about what we need for the house like grocery and etc. or something important like phone bills, rent, and utilities that we have to split. I am thinking of seeing a therapist as well. I will look into it and research more about people with different sex drives. I don't know if there will be a chance for us to get back together while we're still living in the same roof, What do you think?
Kevin, thank you for your opinion and suggestion. I really appreciate your response.
There is a chance, but it's always better if you can create space between you two. Regardless, this is your only option so you've to work with it. All the best.
There is a chance, but it's always better if you can create space between you two. Regardless, this is your only option so you've to work with it. All the best.
There is a chance, but it's always better if you can create space between you two. Regardless, this is your only option so you've to work with it. All the best.
There is a chance, but it's always better if you can create space between you two. Regardless, this is your only option so you've to work with it. All the best.
Kevin,
Thank you so much for responding back. I am working on myself and trying to let loose and not getting offended or being defensive easily, so I can be a better person. I am living my life and following the NC rules, but the only thing is we are still living together and I'm not sure when he is moving out or if he can afford to move right now. I only talk to him about general stuff and something related to the household but not about our relationship. Since we are still living in the same roof, it's difficult to completely avoid each other. So far we have only been texting about what we need for the house like grocery and etc. or something important like phone bills, rent, and utilities that we have to split. I am thinking of seeing a therapist as well. I will look into it and research more about people with different sex drives. I don't know if there will be a chance for us to get back together while we're still living in the same roof, What do you think?
Kevin, thank you for your opinion and suggestion. I really appreciate your response.
Kevin,
Thank you so much for responding back. I am working on myself and trying to let loose and not getting offended or being defensive easily, so I can be a better person. I am living my life and following the NC rules, but the only thing is we are still living together and I'm not sure when he is moving out or if he can afford to move right now. I only talk to him about general stuff and something related to the household but not about our relationship. Since we are still living in the same roof, it's difficult to completely avoid each other. So far we have only been texting about what we need for the house like grocery and etc. or something important like phone bills, rent, and utilities that we have to split. I am thinking of seeing a therapist as well. I will look into it and research more about people with different sex drives. I don't know if there will be a chance for us to get back together while we're still living in the same roof, What do you think?
Kevin, thank you for your opinion and suggestion. I really appreciate your response.
Hey Val,
Yes you do have a chance to get back together. And a good one at that. You just need to apply the NC rule and work on yourself. Since sex was a huge issue with you guys, I'd advise you to look into that. Get a therapist to talk about the issue or search online how other couples cope with different sex drives. I don't think he'll forget about you. In fact, I think he'll start missing you soon enough and want to talk to you eventually. Just make sure when you talk to him, you take things slowly and don't rush him into getting back together.
Hi Kevin
Here is my situation
Me and my
Ex gf of 8 years broke up around November
things had gone slack betweenusus I lost my job last year got depressed you get the drift
Around early November I got suspicious something was going on I confronted her etc
Any way surprise surprise she breaks up with me 2 weeks later
I have been through a break up years before and knew what to do so there was no begging etc
Up until Xmas she would flirt and tease with me
(As we have a 6 year old son that's unavoidable)
Anyway I didn't give in to her games
Around January I started to date someone else
She became aware of this , and started calling me and texting sometimes with kisses on etc
She was hysterical on the phone last week saying she didn't want any of this , I then said we can talk
She always backs out of it
Then I bumped in to her brother and he tells me she's introduced this new guy to her parents etc
I have been lc all the way through as we have a son together
she's been the one to iniate all phone calls etc texts
She likes to no what I'm up to ,
I never ask her and I keep my conversation buissness like and formal
Around my son , the house stuff like that
I Dont love her , but still feel a great attatchement a mean 8 years
Is a long time
I'm 32 now so was like 24 when we met
I know I screwed up with her if I'm honest
And I would like another opportunity with her
She goes hot then cold towards me
Currently cold
I do feel I can live without her and for the most part our relationship was great
Any advice of how I can get back from this guy
Who her brother said was a cocky ass and wasn't keen on him
I actually think
She was seeing this guy
Before we broke up
She came around the house today
I was leaving to go the gym
She asked me to come shopping
And then she bought me breakfast
She showed some interest
So I showed some back
That's what I have been doing rewarding her interest
When she shows it
And when she acts disinterested
I do like wise
I don't feel bad about flirting with her
I mean he obviously didn't mind
so I think Its fair game
I think I have the right mindset
Going forward
I actually understand why all this stuff happened
I screwed up
but I won't be making the same mistakes in future with or without her
I also think you have the right mindset about it and you are doing the right thing by rewarding her favorable behavior. All the best.
I also think you have the right mindset about it and you are doing the right thing by rewarding her favorable behavior. All the best.
I also think you have the right mindset about it and you are doing the right thing by rewarding her favorable behavior. All the best.
It's probably a rebound and she started dating him just out of spite (since you started dating someone). Relationships like this never work, so you just have to wait it out. When it ends, contact her and ask her out.
Also Kevin
She is hiding him from me
And she does show an interest in me
She goes hot and cold
And is obviously confused
I am to a bit
She came to the house today and we had a good chat
I was on the top of my game
Making her laugh being cool with everything
She then took me for breakfast
so I was building attraction with her
I don't know if you have heard of it but o have been using the txt your ex back system
And I'm going to try some of that stuff on her to see if I can get an opening
Yeah, it's a good framework for building attraction. All the best.
Yeah, it's a good framework for building attraction. All the best.
Yeah, it's a good framework for building attraction. All the best.
Yeah, it's a good framework for building attraction. All the best.
Also Kevin
She is hiding him from me
And she does show an interest in me
She goes hot and cold
And is obviously confused
I am to a bit
She came to the house today and we had a good chat
I was on the top of my game
Making her laugh being cool with everything
She then took me for breakfast
so I was building attraction with her
I don't know if you have heard of it but o have been using the txt your ex back system
And I'm going to try some of that stuff on her to see if I can get an opening
Also Kevin
She is hiding him from me
And she does show an interest in me
She goes hot and cold
And is obviously confused
I am to a bit
She came to the house today and we had a good chat
I was on the top of my game
Making her laugh being cool with everything
She then took me for breakfast
so I was building attraction with her
I don't know if you have heard of it but o have been using the txt your ex back system
And I'm going to try some of that stuff on her to see if I can get an opening
I actually think
She was seeing this guy
Before we broke up
She came around the house today
I was leaving to go the gym
She asked me to come shopping
And then she bought me breakfast
She showed some interest
So I showed some back
That's what I have been doing rewarding her interest
When she shows it
And when she acts disinterested
I do like wise
I don't feel bad about flirting with her
I mean he obviously didn't mind
so I think Its fair game
I think I have the right mindset
Going forward
I actually understand why all this stuff happened
I screwed up
but I won't be making the same mistakes in future with or without her
It's probably a rebound and she started dating him just out of spite (since you started dating someone). Relationships like this never work, so you just have to wait it out. When it ends, contact her and ask her out.
Kevin,
Three weeks ago my girlfriend of 7 years told me she wanted some space to work on the relationship. There was a lot of tension between me and her mother that caused a strain in our relationship so she said getting my own place would help with our relationship, intimacy, and help get her out of that house. She said she wanted a little time alone at first to think through things but thought this would be the best for our relationship. No time frame for the break was given.
A week later, I sent her a message on Facebook asking her out on a date. She didn't reply, do the following day I wrote her a text asking if she had received it. She said yes, but didn't reply because she wasn't sure. I asked her if we were still together, and she told me she didn't know. I, of course broke down. She proceeded to tell me that she assumed when I left she would be sad and make her long for the relationship, but actually felt she had gotten a breath of fresh air. We got together when she was 16 so she said she was relieved to not have to answer to anyone. She told me every day I was gone she thought about the last 7 years and what made her sad. She said she hasn't figured it out. She said it didn't make her feel ok to think that maybe this wasn't going to work out. She said she had to make the decision wether to keep the relationship or not.
2 more weeks passed, and I asked her if I could come get my mail. She agreed and we proceeded to talk when I got there. I told her I love her and want a life with her. And asked her if she had any love for me. She was crying when she said I don't know. And that she was trying to figure out if she loved me. I asked her if we were still together and she still said I don't know. She removed all the pictures of us in the house, but kept the one flower I sent to her on valentines day, and had the ring I gave her sitting on the table. That was it. It has now been another week and she still has not called. She posts on Facebook about how great she is doing and happy she feels but will not break it off with me. I don't know what to do.
Hey Mike,
I guess the only thing you can do is give her the space and time she needs. Use this time to make some positive changes in your life and don't contact her for a month.
Hey Mike,
I guess the only thing you can do is give her the space and time she needs. Use this time to make some positive changes in your life and don't contact her for a month.
Me and my girlfriend of two years just split up and I made the the mistake of messaging her one time. It was her decision to break up with me. One day she told me how much she loved me and the next day she broke up with me. She has some emotional issues and has been diagnosed so, and acts on them quite frequently. Well, when i messed up and messaged her she told me that we need to break the habit of talkin to one another and move on. After reading this i know what i need to do, i guess my question is, in your expert opinion does this sound like sincerity or just another way to be in control of the relationship. Also if they say they prefere no contact does that mean I have no chance of getting her back?
No it doesn't mean that you don't have a chance. You can contact her after 30 days to see how she responds to you. If she is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
No it doesn't mean that you don't have a chance. You can contact her after 30 days to see how she responds to you. If she is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
My ex broke up with me 30 days ago. We haven't spoken in 16 days and I'm not going to be the first to break down and contact him. I tried talking to him after the break up and it is "too soon" for him. He broke up with me because he is stressed out with his career/job. He's only 23 and he makes it seem like he needs to decide what he wants for the rest of his life right this second. He was perfectly fine a week ago. He graduated College spring 2013 and started working in the summer of 2013 and he is not adjusting well and it disrupts other kinds of things in his life, including our relationship. I just would like to know what I should/what you think is going to happen? The night he broke up with me he was sincere and sad (he cried in front of me, and I've never seen him do that after dating for 2 years) and he also said I was such an important person to him in his life and still wants to talk and hopefully once he stops being freaked out about growing up we can try things again. But, then when we were texting is was so different. He was distant and defensive. He was saying things like "I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with you yet so I broke it off now" and he seems all over the place with his emotions. So, I was reaching out for some help and advice because I feel like I'm losing hope and faith in getting this relationship back and I really don't want to. I know how important our relationship is to me and I don't want to give that up.
Hy Rose, you need to apply the no contact rule. It'll help him realize whether or not he wants you in life and it'll also give you time to think about whether or not you want to be with someone who doesn't want to spend his life with you.
Hey Kevin,
Yes I know. I am doing my hardest not talking to him. All he is doing is hanging out with his job-less friends in his basement and I know that'll get old for him soon enough. I do what him in my life so I am respecting his wishes/needs of wanting "time and space" even though I think it's selfish. But, I am hoping the the no contact rule will really work and help me out with this situation.
Hey Kevin,
Yes I know. I am doing my hardest not talking to him. All he is doing is hanging out with his job-less friends in his basement and I know that'll get old for him soon enough. I do what him in my life so I am respecting his wishes/needs of wanting "time and space" even though I think it's selfish. But, I am hoping the the no contact rule will really work and help me out with this situation.
Hey Kevin,
Yes I know. I am doing my hardest not talking to him. All he is doing is hanging out with his job-less friends in his basement and I know that'll get old for him soon enough. I do what him in my life so I am respecting his wishes/needs of wanting "time and space" even though I think it's selfish. But, I am hoping the the no contact rule will really work and help me out with this situation.
Hy Rose, you need to apply the no contact rule. It'll help him realize whether or not he wants you in life and it'll also give you time to think about whether or not you want to be with someone who doesn't want to spend his life with you.
Hello, Kevin.
I'm a little bit confused with my situation so I hope you might help me with this no contact rule if I elaborated a bit more.
I've known my ex for two years and we're really close friends. He had a crush on me since summer, so did I and we got together back in January. We live 1,5 hours away from each other but it has never been an issue both to me and him, since we visit each other often. Of course, it's only been a month since we're a couple, but we didn't have any issues - we didn't rush anywhere, just had fun together not only as pals but also as a newly baked couple. His friends told me he was never so happy like he was with me. However, he broke up with me a week ago. I asked him if he'd like to chat via skype on webcams and he just wrote that our relationship will not work out because He doesn't feel anything for me anymore. However, he seemed happy with the whole relationship just a few days before. He told me he's really sorry and that I shouldn't blame myself, because he had a great time and I was a really good girlfriend, he just lost interest. I'm sure there's something he's hiding, maybe something bad happened to him and he doesn't want me to know, but I'm really worried about him. After he broke out with me he didn't respond to any of his friends calls for a while, told them he didn't want to talk. I tried not to communicate with him, because I felt devastated, however he texted me a few days after. What's even more strange - he often mentioned us doing something together, for example, he said that we should play League of Legends together sometime or that we would make a great cello duet and similar stuff, he also added a lot of "(;" smileys.He's also visiting a friend in my town and he kept asking if I'd want to join him. Is it really bad that I'm breaking the No Contact rule? It's just, I know that I will hurt him a lot if I ignore him, because our personalities are alike. Or should I still try? Maybe there are some other possibilities?
If you feel you'll hurt him with the No Contact rule, let him know in advance that you need some space and time and you don't mean to hurt him. He'll understand.
If you feel you'll hurt him with the No Contact rule, let him know in advance that you need some space and time and you don't mean to hurt him. He'll understand.
My boyfriend and I broke up a little over a week ago after 9 months together. He told me that between school and work he doesn't have enough time for me. And I understand he's been busy so we weren't spending as much time together as we used to, but he just completely stopped trying. He said when we broke up that I'm still one of his closest friends and that he wishes it didn't have to be like this. We agreed to stay friends and still hang out sometimes but he hasn't tried to contact me or hang out at all. I've texted him just once after our breakup seeing if he wanted to hang out and he just came up with an excuse why he couldn't and was just being really short with me.
Also two weeks before we broke up he brought me to meet his mom, and he said it went very well. But when we broke up he told me that he didn't see our relationship going anywhere. I'm not sure if that's how he's always felt or because lately ,before our breakup, we haven't been able to spend as much time together like we used to. And if he didn't see our relationship going anywhere then why would he bring me to meet his mom? Help :(
I can't say why he brought you to meet him Mom, but I think he just lost attraction which is why he stopped trying. It's normal for people to lose attraction in a relationship after some time. Apply no contact and follow the plan. Make some positive changes in yourself and he'll feel attracted to you again.
I can't say why he brought you to meet him Mom, but I think he just lost attraction which is why he stopped trying. It's normal for people to lose attraction in a relationship after some time. Apply no contact and follow the plan. Make some positive changes in yourself and he'll feel attracted to you again.
hi kevin!...your article really made me convinced,n i have decided to follow your 5 step plan.So here is my situation,i love my girlfriend,and i support her at every point of life,it may be studies or day to day life.Now we are about to complete 2years,but 2 days ago,we had a quarrel on her problem that she is facing(i told her that she may face problem if she does that)still she did that,now i provided her a solution,but after getting solution she behaves as if i did nothing,and got furious on me.I was diagnosed with tachycardia,anxiety because of tension ,doctors told me not to get excited,still i get exited and emotional to help her like as if am her guardian.I am searching a job these days and am tensed with that,my mom is also retired,financial problems and all.So just to win an argument she commented "then tell me why are you not getting a job if talent is all that you need" and I got hurt(am also very sentimental). But then and there i decided i need to focus on my work,and find a job,cause can't take such from her. She was the one who once said that she believes in me. And now she's making such remark?? i made no contact for the next day,but she called one of my hostel junior,but i told her am busy,but she said that i made her feel low just because i was not receiving her calls and she had to call a junior,but i didn't pay any heed(as i was still hurt)she said the emotions that i showed to her(because of that hurt)was a drama, and now I am not picking up her call is also a drama and started abusing me. And cut the call. At night when i called her i found that she kept me in the reject list of phone(she does that more often)so i thought it might be casual.i called more than 20 times (I know I am being desperate as am addicted to her I know) and last i left a message"please call up if you really didn't mean those words you told me regarding unemployment of mine,Will wait for your call entire night"i remained awake that night,and in the morning 6 i left her a message"I waited as i said,but u dint turn on,You know that i love my career and i know I am jobless but hearing that from you hurt me,you always say that i belittle you,u know what i believed in you, believed you, don't worry no more,am going goodbye take care. and slept(and went for no contact)when i woke up i got just 2miss calls from her side,but i remained in no contact rule.and i changed my fb password and blocked her(but i used to stalk on hers')and knowing that i changed my password and stalking on hers, she changed her fb gmail passwords too. Now what should i do?? Because if I show or try to make her realize that I am hurt,she will never understand and it may happen that she may hurt my self-worth again.So what should i do now?? She is a nice girl i know(not because she is my soulmate,love bla bla)because she's loyal(till now don't know about future),love me,cares for me(but is emotional),but she is very egoistic. But i can't trust her because she had many boyfriends(in past)whom she kissed,went on dates(but she says"that was her childish activity,she was too young for relationship)but i saw her conversation with her X's she used to tell her x(guy:-cant live without you i love you,give me one chance?she:-you cant take my hand in front of the world,go against your family,marry me,)and she was with another relationship during that time(she told me about that bf only,and said she love her only)i believed her.So now here is the entire scenario"i need a job to take care of my aged mom,my dreams are also there,and she is some one with whom i passed 2years of my life. But what if she calls me after 4days(she does that often). But don't feel sorry for what she said and will say "break up again". and i have never been in no contact for more than 7days.what if she thinks i am with someone else,and even if i contact her after a month,she abuses me or doesn't trust me,and says that she moved on.please help kevin!!
Hey Sam,
I had been busy for the past three days which is why it took so long for me to reply to your comment. I hope you are still applying no contact.
I think she is still young and a little bit immature. And from what it looks like, I think you are quite young as well. If she calls you again, you can answer her and tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her after a couple of weeks. Did you guys actually break up? Did she actually tell you that she wants to break up? If not, then only apply no contact for a week or two and then contact her. The only thing you both need is to work on your communication. Talk to her after no contact and tell her that you want to work things out.
hey kevin i know m getting abit impatient!!but actually whenever i go for no contact i miss her more,but i also kno that,i can't be happy if she doesn't change her behaiviour towards me.so please try to rply to me asap,cause i am waiting for ur reply daily for the entire day.
It's completely normal. You have to be strong enough to not contact her. It gets easier after a while though.
hey kevin!! she called me today,i ignored some of her calls.den pckd up.atfirst she was talking casually,asking whether i moved on ot not,i asked time and space for myself in response,and she started blaming me again,then used confronting statements.i put down the phone,den she called me again,i picked up,she was crying but no realisation,she said "what do you think of me?u need time and space now,whenever u want.den y dint u tell me before going for relation,now 2years are over so u wanna check other girls.i thought this one week will change you or make you realise ur fault."den i said "listen,am hurt,now hurt my self-respect and ego,so i deserve an apology and assurance,den after a long pause she replied crying"okay you want sorry den i am sorry for everything,still i will stick to my words that i din't mean anything at that time.and cut the phone on my face and switchd off. now what should i do next???please reply asap!!!
Hey Sam,
There seems to be more of an ego fight between you two rather than a relationship. I think you should give each other a little more time and next time she calls you need to have a conversation about what each of you expect in a relationship. You need to be clear about what you expect and what kind of behavior from her is unacceptable. And when you lay the foundations, you'll have to follow them. If she is not willing to make any effort in making the relationship work, you'll have to break up with her.
Hey Sam,
There seems to be more of an ego fight between you two rather than a relationship. I think you should give each other a little more time and next time she calls you need to have a conversation about what each of you expect in a relationship. You need to be clear about what you expect and what kind of behavior from her is unacceptable. And when you lay the foundations, you'll have to follow them. If she is not willing to make any effort in making the relationship work, you'll have to break up with her.
Hey Sam,
There seems to be more of an ego fight between you two rather than a relationship. I think you should give each other a little more time and next time she calls you need to have a conversation about what each of you expect in a relationship. You need to be clear about what you expect and what kind of behavior from her is unacceptable. And when you lay the foundations, you'll have to follow them. If she is not willing to make any effort in making the relationship work, you'll have to break up with her.
Hey Sam,
There seems to be more of an ego fight between you two rather than a relationship. I think you should give each other a little more time and next time she calls you need to have a conversation about what each of you expect in a relationship. You need to be clear about what you expect and what kind of behavior from her is unacceptable. And when you lay the foundations, you'll have to follow them. If she is not willing to make any effort in making the relationship work, you'll have to break up with her.
Hey Sam,
There seems to be more of an ego fight between you two rather than a relationship. I think you should give each other a little more time and next time she calls you need to have a conversation about what each of you expect in a relationship. You need to be clear about what you expect and what kind of behavior from her is unacceptable. And when you lay the foundations, you'll have to follow them. If she is not willing to make any effort in making the relationship work, you'll have to break up with her.
Hey Sam,
There seems to be more of an ego fight between you two rather than a relationship. I think you should give each other a little more time and next time she calls you need to have a conversation about what each of you expect in a relationship. You need to be clear about what you expect and what kind of behavior from her is unacceptable. And when you lay the foundations, you'll have to follow them. If she is not willing to make any effort in making the relationship work, you'll have to break up with her.
Yes thanks kevin!,now i have got some confidence that,i am worthy of self-esteem and respect.Now atleast i wont regret 4 anything.,and i want to confess something,yesterday i went through her fb from someothers profile,and i saw her post "If someone truly wants to be a part of you life then that person should atleast make a try" and "dont ignore someone who really loves you,misses you cares for you because one day when you wake up,u may loose the MOON while counting stars"....what does that mean?i mean thats my situation,n she is using my situation as her FB update..don't you think its a manipulative technique?"poor me" and i am the one to blame.Still she is not realizing her fault.But now i think she may be love but definitely not my LIFE!!...Brother i will continuously seek your opinion hope you wont get annoyed :)
Hey Sam,
It was definitely meant for you and it was manipulative. Try not checking her facebook anymore. Also, read the book "Non- Violent Communications" by Marshall Rosenberg. I think it will help you express your concerns in a more effective manner when you do talk to her.
Hey Sam,
It was definitely meant for you and it was manipulative. Try not checking her facebook anymore. Also, read the book "Non- Violent Communications" by Marshall Rosenberg. I think it will help you express your concerns in a more effective manner when you do talk to her.
Hey Sam,
It was definitely meant for you and it was manipulative. Try not checking her facebook anymore. Also, read the book "Non- Violent Communications" by Marshall Rosenberg. I think it will help you express your concerns in a more effective manner when you do talk to her.
Hey Sam,
It was definitely meant for you and it was manipulative. Try not checking her facebook anymore. Also, read the book "Non- Violent Communications" by Marshall Rosenberg. I think it will help you express your concerns in a more effective manner when you do talk to her.
Hey Sam,
It was definitely meant for you and it was manipulative. Try not checking her facebook anymore. Also, read the book "Non- Violent Communications" by Marshall Rosenberg. I think it will help you express your concerns in a more effective manner when you do talk to her.
Hey Sam,
It was definitely meant for you and it was manipulative. Try not checking her facebook anymore. Also, read the book "Non- Violent Communications" by Marshall Rosenberg. I think it will help you express your concerns in a more effective manner when you do talk to her.
hey kevin!! she called me today,i ignored some of her calls.den pckd up.atfirst she was talking casually,asking whether i moved on ot not,i asked time and space for myself in response,and she started blaming me again,then used confronting statements.i put down the phone,den she called me again,i picked up,she was crying but no realisation,she said "what do you think of me?u need time and space now,whenever u want.den y dint u tell me before going for relation,now 2years are over so u wanna check other girls.i thought this one week will change you or make you realise ur fault."den i said "listen,am hurt,now hurt my self-respect and ego,so i deserve an apology and assurance,den after a long pause she replied crying"okay you want sorry den i am sorry for everything,still i will stick to my words that i din't mean anything at that time.and cut the phone on my face and switchd off. now what should i do next???please reply asap!!!
Yes thanks kevin!,now i have got some confidence that,i am worthy of self-esteem and respect.Now atleast i wont regret 4 anything.,and i want to confess something,yesterday i went through her fb from someothers profile,and i saw her post "If someone truly wants to be a part of you life then that person should atleast make a try" and "dont ignore someone who really loves you,misses you cares for you because one day when you wake up,u may loose the MOON while counting stars"....what does that mean?i mean thats my situation,n she is using my situation as her FB update..don't you think its a manipulative technique?"poor me" and i am the one to blame.Still she is not realizing her fault.But now i think she may be love but definitely not my LIFE!!...Brother i will continuously seek your opinion hope you wont get annoyed :)
hey kevin!! she called me today,i ignored some of her calls.den pckd up.atfirst she was talking casually,asking whether i moved on ot not,i asked time and space for myself in response,and she started blaming me again,then used confronting statements.i put down the phone,den she called me again,i picked up,she was crying but no realisation,she said "what do you think of me?u need time and space now,whenever u want.den y dint u tell me before going for relation,now 2years are over so u wanna check other girls.i thought this one week will change you or make you realise ur fault."den i said "listen,am hurt,now hurt my self-respect and ego,so i deserve an apology and assurance,den after a long pause she replied crying"okay you want sorry den i am sorry for everything,still i will stick to my words that i din't mean anything at that time.and cut the phone on my face and switchd off. now what should i do next???please reply asap!!!
Yes thanks kevin!,now i have got some confidence that,i am worthy of self-esteem and respect.Now atleast i wont regret 4 anything.,and i want to confess something,yesterday i went through her fb from someothers profile,and i saw her post "If someone truly wants to be a part of you life then that person should atleast make a try" and "dont ignore someone who really loves you,misses you cares for you because one day when you wake up,u may loose the MOON while counting stars"....what does that mean?i mean thats my situation,n she is using my situation as her FB update..don't you think its a manipulative technique?"poor me" and i am the one to blame.Still she is not realizing her fault.But now i think she may be love but definitely not my LIFE!!...Brother i will continuously seek your opinion hope you wont get annoyed :)
hey kevin!! she called me today,i ignored some of her calls.den pckd up.atfirst she was talking casually,asking whether i moved on ot not,i asked time and space for myself in response,and she started blaming me again,then used confronting statements.i put down the phone,den she called me again,i picked up,she was crying but no realisation,she said "what do you think of me?u need time and space now,whenever u want.den y dint u tell me before going for relation,now 2years are over so u wanna check other girls.i thought this one week will change you or make you realise ur fault."den i said "listen,am hurt,now hurt my self-respect and ego,so i deserve an apology and assurance,den after a long pause she replied crying"okay you want sorry den i am sorry for everything,still i will stick to my words that i din't mean anything at that time.and cut the phone on my face and switchd off. now what should i do next???please reply asap!!!
Yes thanks kevin!,now i have got some confidence that,i am worthy of self-esteem and respect.Now atleast i wont regret 4 anything.,and i want to confess something,yesterday i went through her fb from someothers profile,and i saw her post "If someone truly wants to be a part of you life then that person should atleast make a try" and "dont ignore someone who really loves you,misses you cares for you because one day when you wake up,u may loose the MOON while counting stars"....what does that mean?i mean thats my situation,n she is using my situation as her FB update..don't you think its a manipulative technique?"poor me" and i am the one to blame.Still she is not realizing her fault.But now i think she may be love but definitely not my LIFE!!...Brother i will continuously seek your opinion hope you wont get annoyed :)
hey kevin!! she called me today,i ignored some of her calls.den pckd up.atfirst she was talking casually,asking whether i moved on ot not,i asked time and space for myself in response,and she started blaming me again,then used confronting statements.i put down the phone,den she called me again,i picked up,she was crying but no realisation,she said "what do you think of me?u need time and space now,whenever u want.den y dint u tell me before going for relation,now 2years are over so u wanna check other girls.i thought this one week will change you or make you realise ur fault."den i said "listen,am hurt,now hurt my self-respect and ego,so i deserve an apology and assurance,den after a long pause she replied crying"okay you want sorry den i am sorry for everything,still i will stick to my words that i din't mean anything at that time.and cut the phone on my face and switchd off. now what should i do next???please reply asap!!!
Yes thanks kevin!,now i have got some confidence that,i am worthy of self-esteem and respect.Now atleast i wont regret 4 anything.,and i want to confess something,yesterday i went through her fb from someothers profile,and i saw her post "If someone truly wants to be a part of you life then that person should atleast make a try" and "dont ignore someone who really loves you,misses you cares for you because one day when you wake up,u may loose the MOON while counting stars"....what does that mean?i mean thats my situation,n she is using my situation as her FB update..don't you think its a manipulative technique?"poor me" and i am the one to blame.Still she is not realizing her fault.But now i think she may be love but definitely not my LIFE!!...Brother i will continuously seek your opinion hope you wont get annoyed :)
It's completely normal. You have to be strong enough to not contact her. It gets easier after a while though.
It's completely normal. You have to be strong enough to not contact her. It gets easier after a while though.
It's completely normal. You have to be strong enough to not contact her. It gets easier after a while though.
thank kevin for your reply,well another thing i want to tell you that,its not the first time she abused,called me name or disrespected me,infact i read many articles and came to know that may be she has BPD(borderline personality disorder).moreover,i always use to tell her that,i love my career,i need to support my familly.Infact she appretiates when i remain awake late night n help her to prepare for exam,she is fatty but i always use to say "i am lucky to have you ".Even once i broke up for good,but she cried but that was also a manipulative technique(like silent treatment,confrontation,poor me etc).but now she changed abit,but am still scared of her old abusive behaiviour(like defending her x saying he was better because he dumped her and told that on face,and i dnt have that guts to tell her)but actualy i get hurt when she hurts my ego and abuses me by saying stuffs like(i need a sec to kick guys like you, there are 1000 of other guys after me,and last time she called me(2days ago)i was hurt and was not in a mood to talk to,she started complaining and saying that i should stop my drama,and used abusive words,i politely told her("mind your language"),and her reply was somewhat like("jerk,asshole etc)..am hurt and i think if i call her 1st then she will think that she won some kinda battle over me,she will think am needy,i can't have anyone,and all my self-worth,selfesteem,respect vll be lost for ever.but she knows even if she calls me after many days she can convince me,by manipulation techniques.i love her and i get convinced.But i know she will continue that again.and don't wanna loose my confidence and self respect...and most importantly i also don't wanna loose her(may be am addicted as your article says)so just tell me what to say if she calls me 1st?because i can't get back to her with a proper apology and realisation from her side.
hope i am clear.thanx in advance kevin.
Don't pick up her phone for at least a month. If she continues calling you, tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her after a month. Eventually, she will realize her mistakes and will hopefully apologize for her behavior. If she doesn't you should make it clear when you contact her (after NC) that you deserve an apology and assurance from her that her abusive behavior will stop. If she can't stop it, then you will have to leave her and move on.
hey kevin!!..its day 6 now,usually she calls me after 4 days(in worst case)..but this time she is not calling,actually i have never been so determined of NC,so what do u think from your experience the reason behind this.I am asking because i can't understand the psycology of girls like you.Reply me abit elaborately please..
hey kevin!!..its day 6 now,usually she calls me after 4 days(in worst case)..but this time she is not calling,actually i have never been so determined of NC,so what do u think from your experience the reason behind this.I am asking because i can't understand the psycology of girls like you.Reply me abit elaborately please..
hey kevin!!..its day 6 now,usually she calls me after 4 days(in worst case)..but this time she is not calling,actually i have never been so determined of NC,so what do u think from your experience the reason behind this.I am asking because i can't understand the psycology of girls like you.Reply me abit elaborately please..
hey kevin!!..its day 6 now,usually she calls me after 4 days(in worst case)..but this time she is not calling,actually i have never been so determined of NC,so what do u think from your experience the reason behind this.I am asking because i can't understand the psycology of girls like you.Reply me abit elaborately please..
hey kevin!!..its day 6 now,usually she calls me after 4 days(in worst case)..but this time she is not calling,actually i have never been so determined of NC,so what do u think from your experience the reason behind this.I am asking because i can't understand the psycology of girls like you.Reply me abit elaborately please..
Don't pick up her phone for at least a month. If she continues calling you, tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her after a month. Eventually, she will realize her mistakes and will hopefully apologize for her behavior. If she doesn't you should make it clear when you contact her (after NC) that you deserve an apology and assurance from her that her abusive behavior will stop. If she can't stop it, then you will have to leave her and move on.
Don't pick up her phone for at least a month. If she continues calling you, tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her after a month. Eventually, she will realize her mistakes and will hopefully apologize for her behavior. If she doesn't you should make it clear when you contact her (after NC) that you deserve an apology and assurance from her that her abusive behavior will stop. If she can't stop it, then you will have to leave her and move on.
Don't pick up her phone for at least a month. If she continues calling you, tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her after a month. Eventually, she will realize her mistakes and will hopefully apologize for her behavior. If she doesn't you should make it clear when you contact her (after NC) that you deserve an apology and assurance from her that her abusive behavior will stop. If she can't stop it, then you will have to leave her and move on.
hey kevin i know m getting abit impatient!!but actually whenever i go for no contact i miss her more,but i also kno that,i can't be happy if she doesn't change her behaiviour towards me.so please try to rply to me asap,cause i am waiting for ur reply daily for the entire day.
thank kevin for your reply,well another thing i want to tell you that,its not the first time she abused,called me name or disrespected me,infact i read many articles and came to know that may be she has BPD(borderline personality disorder).moreover,i always use to tell her that,i love my career,i need to support my familly.Infact she appretiates when i remain awake late night n help her to prepare for exam,she is fatty but i always use to say "i am lucky to have you ".Even once i broke up for good,but she cried but that was also a manipulative technique(like silent treatment,confrontation,poor me etc).but now she changed abit,but am still scared of her old abusive behaiviour(like defending her x saying he was better because he dumped her and told that on face,and i dnt have that guts to tell her)but actualy i get hurt when she hurts my ego and abuses me by saying stuffs like(i need a sec to kick guys like you, there are 1000 of other guys after me,and last time she called me(2days ago)i was hurt and was not in a mood to talk to,she started complaining and saying that i should stop my drama,and used abusive words,i politely told her("mind your language"),and her reply was somewhat like("jerk,asshole etc)..am hurt and i think if i call her 1st then she will think that she won some kinda battle over me,she will think am needy,i can't have anyone,and all my self-worth,selfesteem,respect vll be lost for ever.but she knows even if she calls me after many days she can convince me,by manipulation techniques.i love her and i get convinced.But i know she will continue that again.and don't wanna loose my confidence and self respect...and most importantly i also don't wanna loose her(may be am addicted as your article says)so just tell me what to say if she calls me 1st?because i can't get back to her with a proper apology and realisation from her side.
hope i am clear.thanx in advance kevin.
hey kevin i know m getting abit impatient!!but actually whenever i go for no contact i miss her more,but i also kno that,i can't be happy if she doesn't change her behaiviour towards me.so please try to rply to me asap,cause i am waiting for ur reply daily for the entire day.
thank kevin for your reply,well another thing i want to tell you that,its not the first time she abused,called me name or disrespected me,infact i read many articles and came to know that may be she has BPD(borderline personality disorder).moreover,i always use to tell her that,i love my career,i need to support my familly.Infact she appretiates when i remain awake late night n help her to prepare for exam,she is fatty but i always use to say "i am lucky to have you ".Even once i broke up for good,but she cried but that was also a manipulative technique(like silent treatment,confrontation,poor me etc).but now she changed abit,but am still scared of her old abusive behaiviour(like defending her x saying he was better because he dumped her and told that on face,and i dnt have that guts to tell her)but actualy i get hurt when she hurts my ego and abuses me by saying stuffs like(i need a sec to kick guys like you, there are 1000 of other guys after me,and last time she called me(2days ago)i was hurt and was not in a mood to talk to,she started complaining and saying that i should stop my drama,and used abusive words,i politely told her("mind your language"),and her reply was somewhat like("jerk,asshole etc)..am hurt and i think if i call her 1st then she will think that she won some kinda battle over me,she will think am needy,i can't have anyone,and all my self-worth,selfesteem,respect vll be lost for ever.but she knows even if she calls me after many days she can convince me,by manipulation techniques.i love her and i get convinced.But i know she will continue that again.and don't wanna loose my confidence and self respect...and most importantly i also don't wanna loose her(may be am addicted as your article says)so just tell me what to say if she calls me 1st?because i can't get back to her with a proper apology and realisation from her side.
hope i am clear.thanx in advance kevin.
Hey Sam,
I had been busy for the past three days which is why it took so long for me to reply to your comment. I hope you are still applying no contact.
I think she is still young and a little bit immature. And from what it looks like, I think you are quite young as well. If she calls you again, you can answer her and tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her after a couple of weeks. Did you guys actually break up? Did she actually tell you that she wants to break up? If not, then only apply no contact for a week or two and then contact her. The only thing you both need is to work on your communication. Talk to her after no contact and tell her that you want to work things out.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago and I miss him terribly. We have been together 3 years, live together, and have only broken up this one time. The reason we broke up is because his mother was too involved and made it her mission to get me out of her son's life, even though I have never done something to her or my boyfriend. We got in a huge fight over it after she came to my home and was throwing my things outside and he told her off and he put the blame on me for that, I admit I was very lippy and angry with him too, we also got into a physical altercation because of that as well. My mother called the police on him and now he is charged with assault and he can not have any contact with me until we finish with court. I know I sound stupid for saying this but I want to give it one more try, I know that's not how he is(physically violent), he has always been the most harmless guy I have ever met and I know we can work on it. Like I said, we have only broken up this one time over the course of our 3 year relationship, our fights are over the silliest things that only last about 15 minutes and it's usually whenever his mother is involved. Before 2 weeks ago, we were so happy, in love, and had everything we ever wanted. We were even talking about marriage and having children within the next couple years. I feel incomplete without him in my life and I would do anything to get him back. Any advice on how to do that?
Give him time and let everything related to court settle down. Contact him after that and have a chat with him about what you want and what he wants.
Hi Kevin,
I wrote you a couple of weeks ago regarding my relationship with my ex, who also happens to be the father of my child. To recap, he used to call me at 2am for no apparent reason and he continually flirted with me by tossing baby toys in my direction. I completely put a stop to him calling me in the wee hours of the morning as I established it was highly inappropriate. He apologized and has not done it since. However, he continues to flirt with me, but now, the flirtation has increased to physicality. He picks me up and tosses me on the bed and proceeds to try to wrestle with me. In a way I like it because it's the most affection I've gotten from him in a long time but I'm torn because I feel as if it gives me mixed signals and false hope.
Since I last wrote to you I have continued to look flawless when I see him and even spray some body mist to ensure I smell really good. Also I have taken up going to the gym and I realize my body is becoming very toned which makes me happy.
As far as my child's father I don't know what I should do if anything. Please advise!
Hey Jessica,
If he is still seeing someone else, let him know that it's inappropriate of him to flirt with you like this and he should stop. If you have done no contact (or limited contact) for a while, then start messaging him and chatting with him more. Ask him out for coffee and try to have fun with him. Continue being flawless and confident in front of him and he will eventually want to get back together.
Hey, my ex has found somebody else and is dating him 3 months after we split up, but i really want her back.
the last time i spoke to her we split fighting and arguing, especially because i found out she was dating somebody.
Now i want to try and be her friends, but i want to do the no-contact rule. but should i send her a personal letter first saying i want to be her friend eventually but need some time? or let her stay mad at me and do the no-contact rule first anyway
thanks
Send her a letter apologizing for fighting and arguing. But it's better if you do it after a 3-4 weeks.
Send her a letter apologizing for fighting and arguing. But it's better if you do it after a 3-4 weeks.
Send her a letter apologizing for fighting and arguing. But it's better if you do it after a 3-4 weeks.
Send her a letter apologizing for fighting and arguing. But it's better if you do it after a 3-4 weeks.
Send her a letter apologizing for fighting and arguing. But it's better if you do it after a 3-4 weeks.
Send her a letter apologizing for fighting and arguing. But it's better if you do it after a 3-4 weeks.
Hi Kevin,
I just had a quick question. Do you think it would be wise to pretend I was dating someone else to make my ex jealous? The reason I ask is it seems that when he THINKS I am involved with someone that's when he starts to gives me the most attention.
Nope, it's not wise at all to pretend. If he finds out you were pretending (which IMO he will), you are going to look needy and desperate. It will, however, be wise to go out on a few dates though and let him find out on his own.
Nope, it's not wise at all to pretend. If he finds out you were pretending (which IMO he will), you are going to look needy and desperate. It will, however, be wise to go out on a few dates though and let him find out on his own.
Nope, it's not wise at all to pretend. If he finds out you were pretending (which IMO he will), you are going to look needy and desperate. It will, however, be wise to go out on a few dates though and let him find out on his own.
Nope, it's not wise at all to pretend. If he finds out you were pretending (which IMO he will), you are going to look needy and desperate. It will, however, be wise to go out on a few dates though and let him find out on his own.
Nope, it's not wise at all to pretend. If he finds out you were pretending (which IMO he will), you are going to look needy and desperate. It will, however, be wise to go out on a few dates though and let him find out on his own.
Nope, it's not wise at all to pretend. If he finds out you were pretending (which IMO he will), you are going to look needy and desperate. It will, however, be wise to go out on a few dates though and let him find out on his own.
Hey, my ex has found somebody else and is dating him 3 months after we split up, but i really want her back.
the last time i spoke to her we split fighting and arguing, especially because i found out she was dating somebody.
Now i want to try and be her friends, but i want to do the no-contact rule. but should i send her a personal letter first saying i want to be her friend eventually but need some time? or let her stay mad at me and do the no-contact rule first anyway
thanks
Hi Kevin,
I just had a quick question. Do you think it would be wise to pretend I was dating someone else to make my ex jealous? The reason I ask is it seems that when he THINKS I am involved with someone that's when he starts to gives me the most attention.
Hey, my ex has found somebody else and is dating him 3 months after we split up, but i really want her back.
the last time i spoke to her we split fighting and arguing, especially because i found out she was dating somebody.
Now i want to try and be her friends, but i want to do the no-contact rule. but should i send her a personal letter first saying i want to be her friend eventually but need some time? or let her stay mad at me and do the no-contact rule first anyway
thanks
Hi Kevin,
I just had a quick question. Do you think it would be wise to pretend I was dating someone else to make my ex jealous? The reason I ask is it seems that when he THINKS I am involved with someone that's when he starts to gives me the most attention.
Hey, my ex has found somebody else and is dating him 3 months after we split up, but i really want her back.
the last time i spoke to her we split fighting and arguing, especially because i found out she was dating somebody.
Now i want to try and be her friends, but i want to do the no-contact rule. but should i send her a personal letter first saying i want to be her friend eventually but need some time? or let her stay mad at me and do the no-contact rule first anyway
thanks
Hi Kevin,
I just had a quick question. Do you think it would be wise to pretend I was dating someone else to make my ex jealous? The reason I ask is it seems that when he THINKS I am involved with someone that's when he starts to gives me the most attention.
Hey, my ex has found somebody else and is dating him 3 months after we split up, but i really want her back.
the last time i spoke to her we split fighting and arguing, especially because i found out she was dating somebody.
Now i want to try and be her friends, but i want to do the no-contact rule. but should i send her a personal letter first saying i want to be her friend eventually but need some time? or let her stay mad at me and do the no-contact rule first anyway
thanks
Hi Kevin,
I just had a quick question. Do you think it would be wise to pretend I was dating someone else to make my ex jealous? The reason I ask is it seems that when he THINKS I am involved with someone that's when he starts to gives me the most attention.
Hey Jessica,
If he is still seeing someone else, let him know that it's inappropriate of him to flirt with you like this and he should stop. If you have done no contact (or limited contact) for a while, then start messaging him and chatting with him more. Ask him out for coffee and try to have fun with him. Continue being flawless and confident in front of him and he will eventually want to get back together.
Hey Jessica,
If he is still seeing someone else, let him know that it's inappropriate of him to flirt with you like this and he should stop. If you have done no contact (or limited contact) for a while, then start messaging him and chatting with him more. Ask him out for coffee and try to have fun with him. Continue being flawless and confident in front of him and he will eventually want to get back together.
Hey Jessica,
If he is still seeing someone else, let him know that it's inappropriate of him to flirt with you like this and he should stop. If you have done no contact (or limited contact) for a while, then start messaging him and chatting with him more. Ask him out for coffee and try to have fun with him. Continue being flawless and confident in front of him and he will eventually want to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
I wrote you a couple of weeks ago regarding my relationship with my ex, who also happens to be the father of my child. To recap, he used to call me at 2am for no apparent reason and he continually flirted with me by tossing baby toys in my direction. I completely put a stop to him calling me in the wee hours of the morning as I established it was highly inappropriate. He apologized and has not done it since. However, he continues to flirt with me, but now, the flirtation has increased to physicality. He picks me up and tosses me on the bed and proceeds to try to wrestle with me. In a way I like it because it's the most affection I've gotten from him in a long time but I'm torn because I feel as if it gives me mixed signals and false hope.
Since I last wrote to you I have continued to look flawless when I see him and even spray some body mist to ensure I smell really good. Also I have taken up going to the gym and I realize my body is becoming very toned which makes me happy.
As far as my child's father I don't know what I should do if anything. Please advise!
Hi Kevin,
I wrote you a couple of weeks ago regarding my relationship with my ex, who also happens to be the father of my child. To recap, he used to call me at 2am for no apparent reason and he continually flirted with me by tossing baby toys in my direction. I completely put a stop to him calling me in the wee hours of the morning as I established it was highly inappropriate. He apologized and has not done it since. However, he continues to flirt with me, but now, the flirtation has increased to physicality. He picks me up and tosses me on the bed and proceeds to try to wrestle with me. In a way I like it because it's the most affection I've gotten from him in a long time but I'm torn because I feel as if it gives me mixed signals and false hope.
Since I last wrote to you I have continued to look flawless when I see him and even spray some body mist to ensure I smell really good. Also I have taken up going to the gym and I realize my body is becoming very toned which makes me happy.
As far as my child's father I don't know what I should do if anything. Please advise!
Give him time and let everything related to court settle down. Contact him after that and have a chat with him about what you want and what he wants.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me like a week ago.. we were long distance but i ended up moving up to where she lives to be with her. so i was living with her while she broke up with me.. i just left yesterday to come back home. We only had like 3 serious arguments since we been together. but not super serious.. they would just drag out for a couple of hours because i would wait it out for acouple of hours and not talk to her and just leave to a different room. but must of the time we get along so freaking great! well our second argument we got into she tried ending things and said that it would be a good idea for me to go home. well then later that night she changed her mind and said well maybe we should just work this out. so we had a really long talk and we worked things out. everything was fine.. i was actually doing a lot more things for her than i was before. we then got into our last argument about a social network that she got and i found out myself. she didnt bother telling me and i just thought that was weird.. so i said something.. i probably attacked her before actually having her explaining to me. then that's when she said " well what do you wanna do about us?" i said i don't know.. well she said " i don't think we are 100% right for each other" and " i dont think this is going to work out" well i couldnt just get up and leave and go home because i was so far away from home. so i couldnt get a plan ticket super fast. after that i ended up staying for another week before leaving.. and we went out for valentines day.. and while i was there for this week we acted as if we were still dating but i was still going home. while we were out to eat she seemed really confused.. we started talkinga bout me leaving and she said " weeeelll.. you don't have your plan ticket yet so why don't you just stay?" and said it several times. we got home.. go into an argument because i guess she got confused with her feelings. and that really upset.. it got my hopes up. but then things got better later on that night i finally accepte dthe fact hat i was going home. we went back to acting like we were dating. having sex and having fun. than like 4 days before i was leaving she got real cold with me. i pretty much spent most of my time alone. but we would still say i love you to each other. because i really do love her. and she would say it back. then at some point we had a talk and i made the mistake of saying i thought about my ex while we were together and that idk if im in love with you. because i was just SOO angry at her for ending things and being so cold to me. well then thats when she really didnt want anything to do with me..she thinks i lied about our relationship and said that she never once thought about anyone while she was with me. we barely talked my last 3 days. i tried talking about hwat i said to her but she said it makes her sick to her stomach and just told me to stop. things just got really cold between us. well i left yesterday and i really havent talked to her much. it was pretty much like have a great life and i wish you the best. I texted her last night and said so thats it? we just dont talk ever again? i leave and we leave it at that? and she never texted me back till this morning and said "I'm sorry I didn't mean to not respond. I hope you made it home safe." I havent replied at all. but want 2 so bad. its been a couple hours. I've been just trying to find things to do to keep me away from my phone. I don't want to feel needy. and while we were together i had a problem with talking to my ex girlfriend that i dated for 2 years before my current ex. she hated it. but i just cant help it. my ex also said that her current girlfriend hates when she talks to me too but she'll get over it. and i've talked to my ex gf about my relationship problems and she would ask me a bunch of question about my relationship. everything is so confusing. i just wanna talk to my current ex.
I think if you give her time, she'll miss you too and want to talk to you. Follow the plan.
I think if you give her time, she'll miss you too and want to talk to you. Follow the plan.
Hi Kevin,
I subscribed to your mailing list. Thanks for this website.
My situation is a bit different than the others. We have been together for 10 years. We have 2 kids. Our friends always says that we are made for each other, that we are perfect couple, and so in love. We were always thinking that we are soul mates.
When I get pregnant with our daughter (planned) we were very happy. After few months he started to spend a lot of time out. I was all alone with our son and my pregnancy. He started to disappear for nights with his mates. I was feeling horrible. He was partying heavily. By the end of pregnancy we were in constant fight over his partying, not helping me at all, money etc.
Then I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We were happy. But after few weeks he said that he need space. We didn't break up but I let him to go and live with his mate for a month to have time for himself. I was copying with new baby on my own. It was July, our other child went to his grandparents for holidays.
So, he was coming to visit us few times a week. I was upset that I'm on my own with everything but I was thinking that I'm doing right giving him some space, time to party and let him come back with clear mind after month...then he asked for 2 weeks more. I agreed. He came back on 1st of October. But it wasn't good. He was always angry, he was disappearing for weekends with no contact at all during this time. I was crushed. We have been fighting over this all the time. One time after he was out for 4 days I said that he has to take his stuff and move out. He did. But we could't not to talk to each other. He came once and ask if I will get him back...I said I will, as I love him, we have to kids and long term relationship. But he said that he will be back after he will sort all the things out....yeah, weird, but ok. Then he came and he said he needs two weeks more. I said "no" this time. Well, when you want to work things out, come back now, not in "two more" weeks. I thought that is it. But then I heard from our friends that he is in horrible shape and wants to come back home. So, we spoke, I agreed. He came back this February. After a week he was at home he went party again for whole weekend. He came back on Monday. As always apologised and asked me out for a date. I left kids in safe hands and we went out for dinner. It was very nice, like in old days.
All of my friends for last few months were saying to me that maybe he is acting this way because he has someone else. I didn't want to believe, as we said to each other that the worst thing you can do to another person is to cheat on them. So I was always saying that he would never do it to me.
But this night i started to think about all of this what is happening. I went to his phone and checked his messages. I found message to his friend that he is going out on Monday morning from this girl's house. I was shocked. I woke him up and asked about it. He said it is mistake his phone done...I didn't believe. I downloaded tracking application to his phone. Didn't have to wait long. One day. I saw messages to some girl, even declarations of love. I found out that they call each other many times a day. He was always telling me he will never, ever cheat on me. My heart was broken. It was last Thursday. I confronted him. He was lying that it is network mistake, that this number is his (male) friend number. I asked him to call...they were lying to me together that they don't know each other. I knew they lie. But he said it is not true. He even cried...Then he went out and left me heartbroken. On Friday he came home (by this time I have found her and I knew her name and how she looks-thank to facebook;) ) he was still saying it is not true. But when I said all I know he admitted, but he said this is not what I think..and again runaway. He came back on Sunday and we talked. He told me he know her from about March last year, they have been friends, she knew about me being pregnant, that we have another kid etc. She knew all. They were more platonic relationship, she was nice to him, didn't want anything from him and they were spending nice time together. Apparently kissing only... I asked if he loves her, he said that his not but she said to him that she has fallen in love with him. On Friday he has finished everything with her...well, he say so. He also told me that he feels really horrible for what he has done to me. That he will regret this to end of his life. He doesn't want to be with her. He loves us (family)... and he will take time to think about what he has done. I told him that I can't take him back right now. It is too much for me. I could try to forgive him but after this my trust will not be easily build. Everyone say that I should let him go, but there is a lot of history between us. I don't know what to do. I would like to be with him but if it's going to be the same? He will party and I will seat at home with kids? I have no time for me at all, he had last year for himself I didn't. I decided to do your NC and see if he is going to try to repair our relationship. Any other suggestions? I really need "fresh eye" on my situation.
Sorry for misspellings and other mistakes, English is not my first language.
Thank you for time to read this.
Regards,
K.
Hey K,
I am sorry you are going through this testing times. In my opinion, what he is telling you is trickle truth. He is not telling you a little bit of truth and is leaving out the rest. It's entirely possible that he is lying about "Just kissing" the other girl.
It's good that you decided to do NC. And if he comes back, it should not be the same as before. You must ask him for full commitment to making the relationship work and help build the trust again. It's going to take a lot of effort from both of you to make it work again. And if he is not willing to put in the effort, then you should leave him and concentrate on moving on. Couples counseling can help a lot as well. I know a lot of relationship come back stronger after an act of infidelity, but it only happens if both the parties are willing to put in the effort and commitment required to make it work.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for quick reply, much appreciated.
I need to know one more thing. Today is my third day of NC. Today he has texted me in the morning that he loves us very much. I didn't replied. Then after few hours he texted me again if he can come at least to see kids. I didn't replied. Then he came home, asked if he can come in. I was a little bit in shock and didn't know what to do, so I agreed. I left him with kids in living room and went to bedroom, put some music on and tried to spend this time somehow.
He asked if I need help with safety gates I bought recently, so I said if he wants to do it, then be my guest. He has done it, played with kids, I was in bedroom all the time. Then he came and asked me if he can come tomorrow. Again, didn't know what to say and I said ok (maybe I will go out, is my chance to do something with my self :) ).
What should I do? I'm thinking that NC will not work if he will be coming so often. Should I tell him to give me more time? On the other side I don't want to steal his time with kids but again on the other side, he wasn't very good dad in last year, he didn't cared this much...Now he cares? I can't understand it. What should I do???
Again, thank you for your time, you have full hands of work here :)
Best regards,
K.
Hey Karolina,
You did the right thing. Perhaps, you can sort out a schedule with him for seeing the kids. He can come over every other day to see the kids if he wishes and you can go out during that time. NC will still work as long as you are not spending the time with him and you are making some positive changes in your life (even though in your case he is the one who should be making changes).
Hey Karolina,
You did the right thing. Perhaps, you can sort out a schedule with him for seeing the kids. He can come over every other day to see the kids if he wishes and you can go out during that time. NC will still work as long as you are not spending the time with him and you are making some positive changes in your life (even though in your case he is the one who should be making changes).
Hey Karolina,
You did the right thing. Perhaps, you can sort out a schedule with him for seeing the kids. He can come over every other day to see the kids if he wishes and you can go out during that time. NC will still work as long as you are not spending the time with him and you are making some positive changes in your life (even though in your case he is the one who should be making changes).
Hey Karolina,
You did the right thing. Perhaps, you can sort out a schedule with him for seeing the kids. He can come over every other day to see the kids if he wishes and you can go out during that time. NC will still work as long as you are not spending the time with him and you are making some positive changes in your life (even though in your case he is the one who should be making changes).
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for quick reply, much appreciated.
I need to know one more thing. Today is my third day of NC. Today he has texted me in the morning that he loves us very much. I didn't replied. Then after few hours he texted me again if he can come at least to see kids. I didn't replied. Then he came home, asked if he can come in. I was a little bit in shock and didn't know what to do, so I agreed. I left him with kids in living room and went to bedroom, put some music on and tried to spend this time somehow.
He asked if I need help with safety gates I bought recently, so I said if he wants to do it, then be my guest. He has done it, played with kids, I was in bedroom all the time. Then he came and asked me if he can come tomorrow. Again, didn't know what to say and I said ok (maybe I will go out, is my chance to do something with my self :) ).
What should I do? I'm thinking that NC will not work if he will be coming so often. Should I tell him to give me more time? On the other side I don't want to steal his time with kids but again on the other side, he wasn't very good dad in last year, he didn't cared this much...Now he cares? I can't understand it. What should I do???
Again, thank you for your time, you have full hands of work here :)
Best regards,
K.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for quick reply, much appreciated.
I need to know one more thing. Today is my third day of NC. Today he has texted me in the morning that he loves us very much. I didn't replied. Then after few hours he texted me again if he can come at least to see kids. I didn't replied. Then he came home, asked if he can come in. I was a little bit in shock and didn't know what to do, so I agreed. I left him with kids in living room and went to bedroom, put some music on and tried to spend this time somehow.
He asked if I need help with safety gates I bought recently, so I said if he wants to do it, then be my guest. He has done it, played with kids, I was in bedroom all the time. Then he came and asked me if he can come tomorrow. Again, didn't know what to say and I said ok (maybe I will go out, is my chance to do something with my self :) ).
What should I do? I'm thinking that NC will not work if he will be coming so often. Should I tell him to give me more time? On the other side I don't want to steal his time with kids but again on the other side, he wasn't very good dad in last year, he didn't cared this much...Now he cares? I can't understand it. What should I do???
Again, thank you for your time, you have full hands of work here :)
Best regards,
K.
Hey K,
I am sorry you are going through this testing times. In my opinion, what he is telling you is trickle truth. He is not telling you a little bit of truth and is leaving out the rest. It's entirely possible that he is lying about "Just kissing" the other girl.
It's good that you decided to do NC. And if he comes back, it should not be the same as before. You must ask him for full commitment to making the relationship work and help build the trust again. It's going to take a lot of effort from both of you to make it work again. And if he is not willing to put in the effort, then you should leave him and concentrate on moving on. Couples counseling can help a lot as well. I know a lot of relationship come back stronger after an act of infidelity, but it only happens if both the parties are willing to put in the effort and commitment required to make it work.
Hi Kevin
One of the things I will take with me today is, I'm not alone in the heartache im suffering right now! Mine is a very long minefield of a story. I was with a long term partner for 12 years 2 children and plenty of disappointment later split! He cheated with a close friend while I was pregnant with my second child. I have fallen in love with my rebound relationship! We have a deep emotional connection unlike any other. The problem,he let the relationship slip and I ended it to give him a shock, instead I was the one in shock when he moved on with someone else, I was devastated and had a moment of weakness with my previous partner! Wtf! I came clean because I felt I had let myself down in the worst way. Now all I can think about is my rebound relationship! He is the one who's slapped the no contact on me. I am no longer in the driving seat but at the back of the bus ( feeling like being under it would be less painful!) what now? Do I leave it up to him to break the no contact? Iv excepted I can't text and call all the time but it hurts like iv lost a limb. X
Thanks Rachael ( in actual physical pain)
Hey,
You can contact him after No contact to see if he responds. However, I'll recommend you wait at least 60 days before contacting him.
Hey,
You can contact him after No contact to see if he responds. However, I'll recommend you wait at least 60 days before contacting him.
Hey Kevin,
I have a unique situation with my ex. On the Monday, two weeks before Valentine's Day, my boyfriend broke up with me because he said he lost himself in the process of giving his all in our relationship. Some things happened (not as far as cheating, though) that he can't seem to get over. He said he needed space and time to rediscover himself and find out where he wants to be. That Friday, he told me that we're just on a break, that his heart still beats for me, and that I still have him for Valentine's Day. He also extended an invitation to me to move with him from our hometown, Detroit, to Florida (after saying he wanted to do it alone) because he knows that's a common goal of ours and he doesn't want to go alone. Of course I accepted! We had a wonderful Valentine's Day and he said it was the best he's ever had! We started casually texting again but every time, I am always left feeling miserable and terribly missing him. He says he needs space, but he is ALWAYS the first to text out of the two of us, mostly just checking on me. I can't help but express how I feel to him and he keeps saying that he is not focused on a relationship and our hearts are in two different places. I went a little too far with my emotions this morning and he almost took back his invitation to Florida, saying he doesn't think I can handle it. I don't know. Maybe I can't. But I don't want to lose him. I am DESPERATE! I told him that I know I can handle it and that I'd show him! He said ok then, we'll see. Do you still think I should do the 30 Day Rule? What if he finds someone else to go to Florida with him in those thirty days? I'm just so lonely, have no one to talk to, and scared of losing him! PLEASE HELP!
Yes, apply the 30 day rule. If you're afraid that he might find someone else to go to Florida in that time, let him know beforehand that you need some space and time and you'll contact him before he leaves for Florida and let him know if you want to come with him. He wants you to come with him, so I am pretty sure he'll wait for you.
Yes, apply the 30 day rule. If you're afraid that he might find someone else to go to Florida in that time, let him know beforehand that you need some space and time and you'll contact him before he leaves for Florida and let him know if you want to come with him. He wants you to come with him, so I am pretty sure he'll wait for you.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my girlfriend of 2 and a half years broke up 2 weeks ago. I was the one at fault for talking to another girl while i was in the relationship still. We still talk a little and text every now and then. I really do want her back but she insists we move on. The first 2 years of our relationship was a roller coaster but as the last couple of months we were together, things started to fall apart with arguments. She says she doesn't want to come back to me because she wont be able to trust me. I dont know what to do and im heart broken. All I want is her back and ive been working on myself to never let those temptations take over again. What should i do?
You need to give her time and then meet her after that. Don't ask her to get back together straight away. Take things slowly and let her see the changes you've made herself.
You need to give her time and then meet her after that. Don't ask her to get back together straight away. Take things slowly and let her see the changes you've made herself.
Hey Kevin,
Basically, we had a beautiful two year relationship, before the relationship we became close friends and talked about everything. During the two years we had been very happy and talked about kids and marriage and were as close as can be. But soon I became very insecure and started suffocating him in the relationship. He got no space and asked for distance but it was hard for me to give him it. If any girls came into his life I'd tell him not to speak to them, one in particular that he was just friends with who lives hundreds of miles away, he still said he loved me very much but started getting sick of it. He had threatened to break up but I always tried to avoid it. He finally broke up with me last week and says he doesn't know how he feels about me, that the love had started fading because he felt pressured and he thinks this breakup should be forever and for the best. He started talking to that same girl hundreds of miles away and now says he doesn't know how he feels about her but she makes him feel better. We had a beautiful, serious relationship but now he says that he hopes we will be good friends and that he wants distance. I already broke the distance rule. He said he loves me, but not the me I am right now, desperate and clingy. Im afraid if I give him space he will move on to her. He tells me not to count on us getting back together and he says he doesn't know if he wants to. Kevin, is there hope? What can I do? We go to school together so I see him every other day and sit next to him. Can love be rekindled? How can I make him want to be back with me? I'm afraid of him saying that theres nothing left and he doesn't feel anything anymore. How can he feel again? I'm trying my best not to text him but this is all very scary. I didn't text him for a few days and then he admitted that he hadn't missed me or thought of me in those days. Kevin, he says theres no hope, but I believe there is, that you can't throw away two years of such great love away, can love die? Do we have hope? Will he get with this girl?
Thank you so much Kevin!
Yes, you do have hope. You have to apply no contact and work on your insecurity during that time. That's the only way to get him back and keep him forever.
Hey Kevin,
Heres an update on things, he said he doesn't like the girl hundreds of miles away anymore but he is friends with her and calls her every night. During the past month, two weeks ago since we go to the same college he had become flirty with me, one day he would say he like me, the other day he would say he is unsure about his feelings, we got intimate when he had feelings for me and said he missed me, then a period of time passed and he became distant again and then last Sunday he invited me to go jogging and we went to his house instead and cuddled, fell asleep together, kissed and it ended well, he promised more kisses and cuddles the next day but was very sick and almost angry the next day, this entire week he hadn't shown affection except Wednesday when we were intimate but he said he had no feelings, we also went to a restaurant earlier that day and had a good time and were close again. Thursday he got angry saying he wanted space again and I went home early and I bumped into him walking to the store, he was walking with another girl and when he left I questioned his friend on whether she liked him, bad move on my part out of insecurity, she said she did and I suddenly got scared and told him. Well, he blew up at me angrily for questioning his friends and told me not to speak for him for a few days. We haven't been talking since Thursday and applying no contact and we left on a bitter note. I broke the other day sending him a text saying I was by a place we used to go to with a friend and wanted to remind him of good times but he ignored it. Basically hes in control of the no contact now and I have been working on myself but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid he's going to get closer to those other friends of his and distance himself from me, and even worse I'm afraid that during this time he is considering us and I am bound to get a text saying he never wants to return and that we have no hope, and I am afraid of how I would even react to something like that. He's told me that I definitely do have a chance and we started off as friends, he needs a friend, and the friendzone pit doesn't seal forever and he has a little hope, but then hes also told me that he's unsure about us, he doesn't like me, he wants to see other people, and that I'm clinging desperately onto something that most likely will not be. While we were on friendly terms I had been trying to compromise with him that if hes my friend he should try to be considerate about my feelings and shift back to talking and rebonding with me instead of that girl hundreds of miles away he just started getting close with, he started warming up to the idea and then got angry again. What do I do when we get in contact again? Do you know whats going on in his mind and why he is confused and if theres anything I can do? I'm really afraid of him saying theres no hope and he wants to call it quits permanently.
Also I don't know if I should keep giving him space or if I should contact him and ask him to go jogging or for coffee. I've had the urge to appear at his window and ask to talk and even call, I haven't and I am afraid he will just get angry but I really want to talk to him, Im afraid he's either not missing me or is "considering us" already (we made a plan he would on April 9th) and will send me a long text saying its over and I should move on and he had thought us over. What do I do when we get in contact again? Do you know whats going on in his mind and why he is confused and if theres anything I can do?
I went for a walk and ran into him as if by fate, we hung out and I asked about us and he said he is sure how he feels now and that is that he doesn't like me and that he thought he did but doesn't. He then got depressed but not because us, when I pressed he yelled at me to leave him alone. I texted him saying sorry I pressed and he screamed at me that if I messaged him one more time he would block my number. Help
I went for a walk and ran into him as if by fate, we hung out and I asked about us and he said he is sure how he feels now and that is that he doesn't like me and that he thought he did but doesn't. He then got depressed but not because us, when I pressed he yelled at me to leave him alone. I texted him saying sorry I pressed and he screamed at me that if I messaged him one more time he would block my number. Help
I went for a walk and ran into him as if by fate, we hung out and I asked about us and he said he is sure how he feels now and that is that he doesn't like me and that he thought he did but doesn't. He then got depressed but not because us, when I pressed he yelled at me to leave him alone. I texted him saying sorry I pressed and he screamed at me that if I messaged him one more time he would block my number. Help
I went for a walk and ran into him as if by fate, we hung out and I asked about us and he said he is sure how he feels now and that is that he doesn't like me and that he thought he did but doesn't. He then got depressed but not because us, when I pressed he yelled at me to leave him alone. I texted him saying sorry I pressed and he screamed at me that if I messaged him one more time he would block my number. Help
I went for a walk and ran into him as if by fate, we hung out and I asked about us and he said he is sure how he feels now and that is that he doesn't like me and that he thought he did but doesn't. He then got depressed but not because us, when I pressed he yelled at me to leave him alone. I texted him saying sorry I pressed and he screamed at me that if I messaged him one more time he would block my number. Help
Also I don't know if I should keep giving him space or if I should contact him and ask him to go jogging or for coffee. I've had the urge to appear at his window and ask to talk and even call, I haven't and I am afraid he will just get angry but I really want to talk to him, Im afraid he's either not missing me or is "considering us" already (we made a plan he would on April 9th) and will send me a long text saying its over and I should move on and he had thought us over. What do I do when we get in contact again? Do you know whats going on in his mind and why he is confused and if theres anything I can do?
Also I don't know if I should keep giving him space or if I should contact him and ask him to go jogging or for coffee. I've had the urge to appear at his window and ask to talk and even call, I haven't and I am afraid he will just get angry but I really want to talk to him, Im afraid he's either not missing me or is "considering us" already (we made a plan he would on April 9th) and will send me a long text saying its over and I should move on and he had thought us over. What do I do when we get in contact again? Do you know whats going on in his mind and why he is confused and if theres anything I can do?
Also I don't know if I should keep giving him space or if I should contact him and ask him to go jogging or for coffee. I've had the urge to appear at his window and ask to talk and even call, I haven't and I am afraid he will just get angry but I really want to talk to him, Im afraid he's either not missing me or is "considering us" already (we made a plan he would on April 9th) and will send me a long text saying its over and I should move on and he had thought us over. What do I do when we get in contact again? Do you know whats going on in his mind and why he is confused and if theres anything I can do?
Hey Kevin,
Heres an update on things, he said he doesn't like the girl hundreds of miles away anymore but he is friends with her and calls her every night. During the past month, two weeks ago since we go to the same college he had become flirty with me, one day he would say he like me, the other day he would say he is unsure about his feelings, we got intimate when he had feelings for me and said he missed me, then a period of time passed and he became distant again and then last Sunday he invited me to go jogging and we went to his house instead and cuddled, fell asleep together, kissed and it ended well, he promised more kisses and cuddles the next day but was very sick and almost angry the next day, this entire week he hadn't shown affection except Wednesday when we were intimate but he said he had no feelings, we also went to a restaurant earlier that day and had a good time and were close again. Thursday he got angry saying he wanted space again and I went home early and I bumped into him walking to the store, he was walking with another girl and when he left I questioned his friend on whether she liked him, bad move on my part out of insecurity, she said she did and I suddenly got scared and told him. Well, he blew up at me angrily for questioning his friends and told me not to speak for him for a few days. We haven't been talking since Thursday and applying no contact and we left on a bitter note. I broke the other day sending him a text saying I was by a place we used to go to with a friend and wanted to remind him of good times but he ignored it. Basically hes in control of the no contact now and I have been working on myself but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid he's going to get closer to those other friends of his and distance himself from me, and even worse I'm afraid that during this time he is considering us and I am bound to get a text saying he never wants to return and that we have no hope, and I am afraid of how I would even react to something like that. He's told me that I definitely do have a chance and we started off as friends, he needs a friend, and the friendzone pit doesn't seal forever and he has a little hope, but then hes also told me that he's unsure about us, he doesn't like me, he wants to see other people, and that I'm clinging desperately onto something that most likely will not be. While we were on friendly terms I had been trying to compromise with him that if hes my friend he should try to be considerate about my feelings and shift back to talking and rebonding with me instead of that girl hundreds of miles away he just started getting close with, he started warming up to the idea and then got angry again. What do I do when we get in contact again? Do you know whats going on in his mind and why he is confused and if theres anything I can do? I'm really afraid of him saying theres no hope and he wants to call it quits permanently.
Hey Kevin,
Heres an update on things, he said he doesn't like the girl hundreds of miles away anymore but he is friends with her and calls her every night. During the past month, two weeks ago since we go to the same college he had become flirty with me, one day he would say he like me, the other day he would say he is unsure about his feelings, we got intimate when he had feelings for me and said he missed me, then a period of time passed and he became distant again and then last Sunday he invited me to go jogging and we went to his house instead and cuddled, fell asleep together, kissed and it ended well, he promised more kisses and cuddles the next day but was very sick and almost angry the next day, this entire week he hadn't shown affection except Wednesday when we were intimate but he said he had no feelings, we also went to a restaurant earlier that day and had a good time and were close again. Thursday he got angry saying he wanted space again and I went home early and I bumped into him walking to the store, he was walking with another girl and when he left I questioned his friend on whether she liked him, bad move on my part out of insecurity, she said she did and I suddenly got scared and told him. Well, he blew up at me angrily for questioning his friends and told me not to speak for him for a few days. We haven't been talking since Thursday and applying no contact and we left on a bitter note. I broke the other day sending him a text saying I was by a place we used to go to with a friend and wanted to remind him of good times but he ignored it. Basically hes in control of the no contact now and I have been working on myself but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid he's going to get closer to those other friends of his and distance himself from me, and even worse I'm afraid that during this time he is considering us and I am bound to get a text saying he never wants to return and that we have no hope, and I am afraid of how I would even react to something like that. He's told me that I definitely do have a chance and we started off as friends, he needs a friend, and the friendzone pit doesn't seal forever and he has a little hope, but then hes also told me that he's unsure about us, he doesn't like me, he wants to see other people, and that I'm clinging desperately onto something that most likely will not be. While we were on friendly terms I had been trying to compromise with him that if hes my friend he should try to be considerate about my feelings and shift back to talking and rebonding with me instead of that girl hundreds of miles away he just started getting close with, he started warming up to the idea and then got angry again. What do I do when we get in contact again? Do you know whats going on in his mind and why he is confused and if theres anything I can do? I'm really afraid of him saying theres no hope and he wants to call it quits permanently.
Yes, you do have hope. You have to apply no contact and work on your insecurity during that time. That's the only way to get him back and keep him forever.
Hey Kevin,
My wife of 5 years, partner of 11, moved out recently. We've had issues surrounding intimacy on and off for years. But mostly our lives have been pretty dam sweet. Good times together, two amazing kids, a secure and fun lifestyle that allows a lot of adventures.
Anyway, we've been struggling for the last 8 months to keep things together. We would always find ourselves on a loop. She would be a bit distant, I would get sad, she would get more distant, I'd get confused and frustrated. Then things would blow up, we'd make up and then we'd start all over again.
We've been in therapy for a while and can both see where things have gone wrong on both our parts. I really thought we were on the road to recovery when she dropped the bom shell and said she needed time and space to find herself. Heal herself of the hurt she's felt. And focus on being her own person for a while, find out what she really wants in life.
So she moved out. We are in a small town, and have to meet regularly to discuss the kids and life in general as so much was built around the two of us being together.
This makes no contact really hard.
It's also really hard because I really feel like I've made some big improvements in how I see things with us and things I've done, that had I not, might have not lead us to this place. And can't see the sense at all in breaking up our family.
Also she really wants to keep things as normal as possible. She still wants to meet up and do fun things together. Have movie night wioth the kids, no matter who has them that week. A whole lot of stuff that makes it impossible to move on. Not that I want to anyhow.
She also tells me constantly that she doesn't reall want to do this. That she really only wants me in her life. But just that now she can't see a way to be happy together, or even if she ever will.
Anyway, how do I keep no contact? Or even limited contact? How do I get on with my life when I see her all the time? When she constantly says the things I want to hear, then followed with a 'but' she just can't do it now?
Yep finding it very hard to keep positive and happy, when everytime I see her I feel the same grief I felt when she first moved out.
What the heck do I do, feel like I'm losing my mind... :/
Sorry you are in this situation Benny. I hope there was an easier way to deal with this situation but I think the only thing you can do is try to keep positive and let her have the time she says she needs.
Another option that you have is talk to her about no contact. Tell her that maybe it will do both of you some good if you stop contact with each other for a month or two. Tell her you can continue doing family stuff together after no contact.
Sorry you are in this situation Benny. I hope there was an easier way to deal with this situation but I think the only thing you can do is try to keep positive and let her have the time she says she needs.
Another option that you have is talk to her about no contact. Tell her that maybe it will do both of you some good if you stop contact with each other for a month or two. Tell her you can continue doing family stuff together after no contact.
My ex and I broke up almost 6 years now but that was the first and best relationship I had but we didn't have any closure when we broke up. Her mom talked to me about staying away from her son and told me not to tell my ex about our conversation and that was the reason why I decided to break up with him and left him without any reasons because I am so afraid at that time. We're just in one church not talking with each other at all and it's so awkward for the both of us. Then this last Sunday, I don't know but when I saw him, the feeling is really weird and I can't explain it but I think I am in love again with him. I don't know but what should I do? Should I tell him what I feel or not?
Yes, tell him. You don't have anything to lose.
Yes, tell him. You don't have anything to lose.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you so much for your article. My ex of 8 months and I just broke up. I am devastated. We both kind of knew the break up was coming but his reason was that he couldn't give me the "appreciation I deserved." He tells me that I'm way too good for him and he regrets not putting more effort into our relationship. He says wants to get his life more settled (new job, new place) before he can focus on us.
He asked me if I would consider taking him back in a while if I was still single and he mentioned that if circumstances were a bit different he wouldn't ever let me go. In his final text to me he said that he didn't want me to leave because he loves me but he knows this is better for both of us.
What do you think, Kevin? The NC rule is extremely hard right now and it hurts me that he feels so insecure. He would not listen when I tried to reassure him during our relationship but now I worry that the NC rule will just further his insecurity. Thanks again for your article.
If he contacts you during NC, let him know that you need some space and time and it doesn't mean that you are cutting him entirely from your life. Tell him that you still care about him and you'll contact him after some time.
If he contacts you during NC, let him know that you need some space and time and it doesn't mean that you are cutting him entirely from your life. Tell him that you still care about him and you'll contact him after some time.
Hey! My boyfriend broke up with me about 5 weeks ago, but of course I begged, cried and was annoying, etc. A couple weeks into the break up I called him and we talked for over an hour, he told me that he thinks about me and "stalks" my facebook and it upsets him when he sees anything related to me moving on. The next night he snapchatted me a couple times and then came to see me at my work and gave me a huge hug. We talked casually and out of nowhere he grabbed my face and kissed me. We hugged and kissed a couple more times in this 5 minute convo and made plans to hang out a few days later. He text me later and said it felt good to see me, hug me, and that he doesn't regret it & likes "our kisses." The day came and he cancelled saying he has too many feelings for me and wants to get over me, therefore, we cannot talk anymore. He said I have a lot of issues to work on (and I do!) before we can ever think of trying again, but he said he won't forget about me and to not worry about that. We went 10 days NC and I slipped up and sent him a casual text of which he did not reply. Then, a mutual friend asked him about us and he told her that he absolutely cannot be friends with me right now. I am taking all of the steps to better myself, I am going to counseling, I have quit drinking, I am exercising, etc. But I am worried that it is completely ruined with him. My heart just does not want to give up on him, what do I do!?!?!? Please help :-(
Hey,
I don't think it is completely ruined with him. Continue working on your issues and no contact. All the best.
Thank you for your response! No one seems to think I should have any hope for us. But I do. I believe in love and us. Do you think the fact that he is so adament about not being able to be friends with me right now is still a sign that he still has feelings for me and is scared of what will happen if we are? I tend to take this actually as a positive sign. But maybe I have false hope...please let me know what you think...
Yes, it's a positive sign.
Oh no! He got frustrated, and I dont blame him! And said "I seem desperate & sad and there's no way we can be friends right now and we are NOT getting back together, I just don't see that happening." I'm so hurt & embarrassed! Please just give me another piece of advice! Thank you so much!
Did you contact him or he contacted you out of the blue? Or was it because you asked your mutual friend to ask him. I think you still have a chance. But you really need to apply no contact and make some really big changes in your life. You need to learn to be happy without him and only then you'll have a chance of getting back together.
Did you contact him or he contacted you out of the blue? Or was it because you asked your mutual friend to ask him. I think you still have a chance. But you really need to apply no contact and make some really big changes in your life. You need to learn to be happy without him and only then you'll have a chance of getting back together.
Did you contact him or he contacted you out of the blue? Or was it because you asked your mutual friend to ask him. I think you still have a chance. But you really need to apply no contact and make some really big changes in your life. You need to learn to be happy without him and only then you'll have a chance of getting back together.
Did you contact him or he contacted you out of the blue? Or was it because you asked your mutual friend to ask him. I think you still have a chance. But you really need to apply no contact and make some really big changes in your life. You need to learn to be happy without him and only then you'll have a chance of getting back together.
Did you contact him or he contacted you out of the blue? Or was it because you asked your mutual friend to ask him. I think you still have a chance. But you really need to apply no contact and make some really big changes in your life. You need to learn to be happy without him and only then you'll have a chance of getting back together.
Did you contact him or he contacted you out of the blue? Or was it because you asked your mutual friend to ask him. I think you still have a chance. But you really need to apply no contact and make some really big changes in your life. You need to learn to be happy without him and only then you'll have a chance of getting back together.
Oh no! He got frustrated, and I dont blame him! And said "I seem desperate & sad and there's no way we can be friends right now and we are NOT getting back together, I just don't see that happening." I'm so hurt & embarrassed! Please just give me another piece of advice! Thank you so much!
Oh no! He got frustrated, and I dont blame him! And said "I seem desperate & sad and there's no way we can be friends right now and we are NOT getting back together, I just don't see that happening." I'm so hurt & embarrassed! Please just give me another piece of advice! Thank you so much!
Oh no! He got frustrated, and I dont blame him! And said "I seem desperate & sad and there's no way we can be friends right now and we are NOT getting back together, I just don't see that happening." I'm so hurt & embarrassed! Please just give me another piece of advice! Thank you so much!
Oh no! He got frustrated, and I dont blame him! And said "I seem desperate & sad and there's no way we can be friends right now and we are NOT getting back together, I just don't see that happening." I'm so hurt & embarrassed! Please just give me another piece of advice! Thank you so much!
Yes, it's a positive sign.
Yes, it's a positive sign.
Yes, it's a positive sign.
Thank you for your response! No one seems to think I should have any hope for us. But I do. I believe in love and us. Do you think the fact that he is so adament about not being able to be friends with me right now is still a sign that he still has feelings for me and is scared of what will happen if we are? I tend to take this actually as a positive sign. But maybe I have false hope...please let me know what you think...
Thank you for your response! No one seems to think I should have any hope for us. But I do. I believe in love and us. Do you think the fact that he is so adament about not being able to be friends with me right now is still a sign that he still has feelings for me and is scared of what will happen if we are? I tend to take this actually as a positive sign. But maybe I have false hope...please let me know what you think...
Hey,
I don't think it is completely ruined with him. Continue working on your issues and no contact. All the best.
Hi Kevin,
So things went downhill again. I followed the 5 step plan. Did NC, Wrote the letter, sent a few messages - but she's really really smart and determined to cut me out by the sounds of it.
After the second light hearted message, she asked me to "stop whatever I was doing". I got confused as to what to do at this point, and sent her a heartfelt message asking her to let me explain myself. This was her response:
"Listen George, I don't hate you. You meant much more to me than previous relationships. I don't think of you the same way I did others, because you weren't like the others. I respect you, but this constant messaging still presents selfishness on your part. I've made my self clear many times, yet you still continue to message me after I have asked you to stop. We agreed we would not communicate in this way until we are both completely over each other, we went out for nearly a year and it's only been a bit over a month.
I'm acting the way I'm acting because we've broken up. That's what people do when they've broken up, they don't talk to each other. It is supposed to work this way, if we just started talking and being buddy buddy It would simply be messy and further elongate a painful process for both parties involved.
I have to make this clear and put my foot down, I don't want be with you in a relationship. We broke up for a reason, a multiplicity of reasons. And no matter what you say- or if you have changed for the better, I don't want that."
"George. You know why we broke up. As two individuals we simply didn't work in a relationship.
Maybe you've changed, but I haven't.
And I can't imagine myself with you again, because I don't like the person I was with you. We brought out the worst in each other.
I have no ill feelings towards you. That's all."
What do I do now?
Wait another month or two and then try contacting her again. However, it seems that she is really set on moving on and she is clear about what she wants in life. I'd suggest you try it again after two months and if at that time she has the same attitude, it'll be better for you also to move on.
Wait another month or two and then try contacting her again. However, it seems that she is really set on moving on and she is clear about what she wants in life. I'd suggest you try it again after two months and if at that time she has the same attitude, it'll be better for you also to move on.
Hello Kevin,
Thank you in advance for any input you give, I appreciate it!
Me and my ex were together for 2 years and it was very much off and on. Every time we would break up she would come back within a few weeks realizing it was a mistake she left in the first place. I realize we have a lot of work to do if we want to be sussesful in this partnership. We don't communicate very well sometimes, but overall we adore each other very much, we have a very strong bond and ultimately we are best friends. We fight every week it seems and it has put a huge stress on her. So every "breakup" always feels like it's the last straw. Well on vday we had a very big fight (she overreacted and blew a small issue up) and honestly it was a bit ridiculous it lead to her ending the relationship for good. After every breakup I have always respected her wishes and have never contacted her and that has lead to her always coming back after a few weeks, so this time is no different. 3 days after we ended on vday she contacted me to "apologize for the way she treated me" and to "also wish me well in the future." I never responded to her text because I didn't feel I needed to so about 8 hours later she texted me again asking if I got her text. So we went back and fourth with a few texts and it felt like it may lead up to an argument so
I never responded back. That is the last I heard from her. I guess I just wanted to see what you thought the chances of her coming back were. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her but if she does not want me then I will respect that; therefore I have no plans in contacting her.
Thank you so much!!
-heartbroken.
o ya i forgot to say,i am in a long distance relationship.And she is the one who always calls the break up,but this time i called up(pattern breaking as suggested by you).because i want her to change and start respecting me as i do..i never abused her.Not ignored her.but this time i stopped contact and put her on reject list of my cell phone(so that she should understand how it feels)she never takes me seriously,she think my ego is just for show,and all i need is her attention(though i wont say i dnt need).Now its a high time for me,and i dont have time to make her understand with saninty(i tried 100 times to let her know that am also a human being,i can also get hurt,i also have self-RESPECT)truly speaking.
Dear Sam,your girlfriend sound like somebody with BPD or a narcisist. She should get help, you sound like an incredible guy, and dont need this in your life. Ask her to seek help, get counseling. If I am right,she wont be able to get over this, so just tell her to search for help ir you are out. It is bit normal to brak up all the time just to test the other perso,it feel horrible, I have been there.. Just tell her to get help now! Wish I had been that firm with my husband. Good luck
Dear Sam,your girlfriend sound like somebody with BPD or a narcisist. She should get help, you sound like an incredible guy, and dont need this in your life. Ask her to seek help, get counseling. If I am right,she wont be able to get over this, so just tell her to search for help ir you are out. It is bit normal to brak up all the time just to test the other perso,it feel horrible, I have been there.. Just tell her to get help now! Wish I had been that firm with my husband. Good luck
Hey Kevin, me and my ex of a year just recently broke up. I have been really mean to him lately and he finally got fed up with it. He immediately had a another girl stay at his house and have been hanging out with her. I've try texting and calling a couple times (nothing excessive) but he won't write back. The huge problem is that we work together. So no contact rule is confusing. I try completely ignoring him one day and he kept trying to have small talk with me. Then I gave in and was nice to him. What should I do while at work? Be nice and talk to him or completely give him the cold shoulder? I'm so hurt that he already has another girl. He told me that he doesn't wanna date her but I don't believe it. Help!
Apply no contact. Don't answer him this time. And if he continues contacting you, tell him you need some space.
Apply no contact. Don't answer him this time. And if he continues contacting you, tell him you need some space.
Me and my bf after a year moved apart and tried the Long Distance but it didn't work, he said he just didn't want us to be "torn up" by the time we got back to eachother, he said its a break but it feels like he might just want to end it. we weren't clear about if we'd get back or anything or even how we felt. right now we're being just friends, and talk everyday.
How can i find out his true feelings, without making it obvious and ruining the friend thing
Apply no contact. Let him know you need some space for yourself and hopefully you can be friends again after that.
Apply no contact. Let him know you need some space for yourself and hopefully you can be friends again after that.
Hi Kevin,
I hope you answer as I been needing some advice. I been dating my best friend for 7 months, who I knew for 10 years. He liked me for the longest time, (about 7 years) and was pretty persistent. Back then I didn't have feelings for him, like I do now. Things started to become hectic, and he broke up with me back in November, but problems were starting to show during September. During the time, I showed how much I needed him, and he became immune to my crying. I kept calling and texting him after he broke up with me, and he blocked me from everything. It a long distance relationship, but during the time we were together he'd come visit. We live 11 hours apart from eachother by train. We would always skype, and ever since he broke up with me, I went over there and begged and pleaded him to come back. I did everything I shouldn't have done, and he told me he didn't love me anymore....he also said he couldn't see a future with me anymore when back then he always wanted to move in with me, this broke my heart completely. I wanted to know, if I start the no-contact now, will it really help. Its already been two weeks since I started this no-contact, and there no signs of him coming back. Is it too late for me? Can I really get him back. I'm going out of my mind right now, and doubting if this will ever work. Questions are filling my mind, if I don't do anything now will I lose him forever. He completely changed when I went to see him again, he's not the person I always knew. I can't read what he's thinking anymore. I understand that this is a barrier men put up after a break up, but will he really return to me again after the no-contact rule. I trying to keep myself together, and its so hard to imagine that he really will come pleading back to me, is it too late for me. Kevin I need your advice.
Let me add to this. There is a huge difference from being 5-10 minutes away, an hour away or 11 hours away. I dont know how you two met and how long you were dating but being aboe to see your bf/gf once a month at best and spending hundreds just to see them is a huge inconveinence. I was in a similiar situation and finally pulled the plug. we both had such an amazing connection but it was extremely complicated. If you were from the same town and one of you is moving back soon then that is a different story but if you were never from the same place then you should let this one go. Go find a date or two and yes, do something to better yourself but i wouldn't hold on to him. Distance kills relationships unless it is for a specified period of time and you had a physical bond before. Strong bond, not just meeting a guy in a dating site and you all saw each other a handfull of times and then wanted to work it out. Im sorry to say but you need to move on and you will get over it real quick. However he will contact you in the near future but just know that there is no future.
Kevin B
exuse me......i forgot mention we knew eachother from grade school, that how we met until he moved away, back in Grade 8, but was looking for me online since then, while I ignored him for a few years.
exuse me......i forgot mention we knew eachother from grade school, that how we met until he moved away, back in Grade 8, but was looking for me online since then, while I ignored him for a few years.
exuse me......i forgot mention we knew eachother from grade school, that how we met until he moved away, back in Grade 8, but was looking for me online since then, while I ignored him for a few years.
Hey,
Sorry it took me time to reply. I have been away for 3 days and couldn't reply to the comments here.
Yes, no contact rule will still work for you. I know it seems hopeless and that he will move on if you don't do anything, but there is really nothing else you can do that won't pus him away. No contact will give him the space and time he needs to start missing you. I'll also recommend that you send him the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll be very effective in your case. Follow the plan and make some positive changes in your life as well. All the best.
Let me add to this. There is a huge difference from being 5-10 minutes away, an hour away or 11 hours away. I dont know how you two met and how long you were dating but being aboe to see your bf/gf once a month at best and spending hundreds just to see them is a huge inconveinence. I was in a similiar situation and finally pulled the plug. we both had such an amazing connection but it was extremely complicated. If you were from the same town and one of you is moving back soon then that is a different story but if you were never from the same place then you should let this one go. Go find a date or two and yes, do something to better yourself but i wouldn't hold on to him. Distance kills relationships unless it is for a specified period of time and you had a physical bond before. Strong bond, not just meeting a guy in a dating site and you all saw each other a handfull of times and then wanted to work it out. Im sorry to say but you need to move on and you will get over it real quick. However he will contact you in the near future but just know that there is no future.
Kevin B
Hey,
Sorry it took me time to reply. I have been away for 3 days and couldn't reply to the comments here.
Yes, no contact rule will still work for you. I know it seems hopeless and that he will move on if you don't do anything, but there is really nothing else you can do that won't pus him away. No contact will give him the space and time he needs to start missing you. I'll also recommend that you send him the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll be very effective in your case. Follow the plan and make some positive changes in your life as well. All the best.
PLEASE HELP:
My boyfriend of 3 years who I used to oush to girls since we were so young when we first started dating.. I knew of the very big tendency that at some point he would want to explore.. this boyfriend of mine is very very serious towards me. You see, I’m a Filipino and our culture here can be very weird since most people who enter into a relationship is assumed to get married someday. There are no playing. So..that was our relationship..my parents and other relatives like him very much since he’s a very nice guy with a nice vibe and easy to get along with..
Anyway, back to the pushing to other girls part..i was quite more open about it. i used to tell him that he can explore as log as he tells me.. but he never tried and never even showed interest to the idea. He would usually tell me that he doesn't want anyone else but me..
I am the controller in our relationship and I can say that I haven’t been a great girlfriend to him.. well, before our break up..i was so clingy and needy that he found it weird since I was usually a strong woman. That was the start of his weird responses. He told me that since he thought a lot about my ideas and that he’s now quite open that there is a possibility for break up. You see, I used to break up with him but he never agreed.
And now, since he was so imprisoned in my world, he got very curious to the outside world and said he would want to explore it. He wants to do anything he wants without restrictions. He’s a very adventurous and friendly guy and he appreciates all the appreciation and attention that other people are giving him.
I said that we can compromise and work it out and that I’ll give him the freedom he wants since it’s a huge part of the relationship that couples go trough the most heartbreaking moments and fights and even 3rd parties.. he said he didn’t want me to get hurt in his process of growing and exploring since he might not be able to do and prioritize his boyfriend duties. He said he loves me so much and I can feel that it is true.. it’s just that we are both too young to be chained to the person we already want to get married to. He was so sure and so was I.
Even up to now, we text and he tells me that he misses me. I told him that he can come back anytime he misses me because I will always be willing to work things out.
I plan to start the full NC on Sunday this week and the 30th day ends on my birthday. Sigh.
I know I think no contact rule can still be applicable here.. but my issue is that our break up didn't sourced from his losing of interest to me. It was actually a mutual agreement. We both told each other that we know we’d end up together but we still have to explore our own worlds apart.
What can you say about this? We both love each other dearly but he wants to explore the world as a single guy. I understand him since we are both young. But I love the guy.. my family loves him and we are a perfect match. How can I convince him to come back to me and work things out and explore the world together.
You might tell me that I should explore my world too just like what he’s doing but I can be very sure that he’s the one. I want to grow up with him. I want to explore the world with him.
As a guy, what do you think I should do to get him back. Or to convince him that we can do it together. And another question. Do you think the no contact rule would still apply since the problem does not revolve around me but around his principles? Even after the no contact, what of he sees me as a better version of myself and misses me and loves me but still wants his single time. Right now he loves me and misses but still stands his ground. What should I do since our problem is a bit deeper than our superficial looks and is rooted with his thinking? Me being a better version of myself might not help since that is not the issue why we broke up it is actually rooted with his desire to explore. Help!!!!!
In cases like this, it's best to let him explore and decide what he wants in life. If you try to force him to come back, it'll always be at the back of his mind that he never got the chance to explore his options. But if you do let him have his time and he realizes that he would rather be with you than anyone else in this world, you will have 100% for a long time. Yes no contact rule will still work in your situation. It will help him realize what he wants in life and will make him miss you more.
Hi Kevin!
My Bf and I talked about things and he told me that he is 100 percent sure that he's going tocome back to me after 16 months. He said he's going to enjoy single life. Enjoy. Meet friends. Flirt. Maybe even kiss someone else but his heart truly belongs to only me.. He looked very serious about what he's saying..he even said that he's going to marry me and he's sure about it.. he just wants to explore not only in terms of girls but also explore places on his own without our label.. to act freely without any obligations or boyfriend duties.. to flirt when he sees a hot girl and not be guilty about it or to go on a spontaneous trip without ruining our planned dates.. he wants a single life in short.. only 16 months of that then he'llcome back to me..
Whatcan you say about that?
I'm scared that what if he changes his mind after 16 months. Not that I don't trust him.. but I'm just too afraid to get hurt again.
Hey,
Well, to be honest, there is always a chance that he will change his mind in 16 months. There is always a chance that he will fall for some other girl during that time. But like I said before, if you don't let him do it, it'll always be on the back of his mind and he will regret not doing it forever. It's a risk, but do you really think you have an option?
Hey,
Well, to be honest, there is always a chance that he will change his mind in 16 months. There is always a chance that he will fall for some other girl during that time. But like I said before, if you don't let him do it, it'll always be on the back of his mind and he will regret not doing it forever. It's a risk, but do you really think you have an option?
Hey,
Well, to be honest, there is always a chance that he will change his mind in 16 months. There is always a chance that he will fall for some other girl during that time. But like I said before, if you don't let him do it, it'll always be on the back of his mind and he will regret not doing it forever. It's a risk, but do you really think you have an option?
Hey,
Well, to be honest, there is always a chance that he will change his mind in 16 months. There is always a chance that he will fall for some other girl during that time. But like I said before, if you don't let him do it, it'll always be on the back of his mind and he will regret not doing it forever. It's a risk, but do you really think you have an option?
Hey,
Well, to be honest, there is always a chance that he will change his mind in 16 months. There is always a chance that he will fall for some other girl during that time. But like I said before, if you don't let him do it, it'll always be on the back of his mind and he will regret not doing it forever. It's a risk, but do you really think you have an option?
I'm scared that what if he changes his mind after 16 months. Not that I don't trust him.. but I'm just too afraid to get hurt again.
I'm scared that what if he changes his mind after 16 months. Not that I don't trust him.. but I'm just too afraid to get hurt again.
I'm scared that what if he changes his mind after 16 months. Not that I don't trust him.. but I'm just too afraid to get hurt again.
Hi Kevin!
My Bf and I talked about things and he told me that he is 100 percent sure that he's going tocome back to me after 16 months. He said he's going to enjoy single life. Enjoy. Meet friends. Flirt. Maybe even kiss someone else but his heart truly belongs to only me.. He looked very serious about what he's saying..he even said that he's going to marry me and he's sure about it.. he just wants to explore not only in terms of girls but also explore places on his own without our label.. to act freely without any obligations or boyfriend duties.. to flirt when he sees a hot girl and not be guilty about it or to go on a spontaneous trip without ruining our planned dates.. he wants a single life in short.. only 16 months of that then he'llcome back to me..
Whatcan you say about that?
Hi Kevin!
My Bf and I talked about things and he told me that he is 100 percent sure that he's going tocome back to me after 16 months. He said he's going to enjoy single life. Enjoy. Meet friends. Flirt. Maybe even kiss someone else but his heart truly belongs to only me.. He looked very serious about what he's saying..he even said that he's going to marry me and he's sure about it.. he just wants to explore not only in terms of girls but also explore places on his own without our label.. to act freely without any obligations or boyfriend duties.. to flirt when he sees a hot girl and not be guilty about it or to go on a spontaneous trip without ruining our planned dates.. he wants a single life in short.. only 16 months of that then he'llcome back to me..
Whatcan you say about that?
In cases like this, it's best to let him explore and decide what he wants in life. If you try to force him to come back, it'll always be at the back of his mind that he never got the chance to explore his options. But if you do let him have his time and he realizes that he would rather be with you than anyone else in this world, you will have 100% for a long time. Yes no contact rule will still work in your situation. It will help him realize what he wants in life and will make him miss you more.
Hi,
I need some help. my GF of 2 years broke up with me last december because she thinks im too immature, im 23 she is 25. Right after that i begged and stayed around her. Taking care of her. around last two weeks, she started holding my hands, kissing me again. we have sex on weekly basis. I really though I'm about to get her back. Then last weekend, which is 2 days ago, she meet this guy and she told me she couldnt lie to me, she like this guy and it is over between us. I am a very nice guy! Im sometime stupid but i've been trying to make her happy in all ways, I've been picking her up at her work 2 years in a row through rain or snow! no stop! I completely spoil her! can she ever find someone like me to love her as much?
Anyway when i hear that she dosent like me no more and want me to stop going near her,that hit me like a truck, i broke down in tears. She told me my mother is mean, im immature and if i am 30 years old by now, maybe she will be deadly in love with me. I just asked if there is a way to get her back, and she said if i become director in some software company and be successful then maybe! but she wants to see concrete changes, at least not the person i am now!
I am a straight A student before, but my grade dropped after i met her. of course spending 30hours with her a week didnt help but it made me so happy. right now im doing an internship at some major software company! I can have a bright future i have the ability why cant she see it?
The guy she wants to date now isnt even from our city, is just a friend of friend that came to visite for 1 month.
I am really confused and I really need help please!
Hi Chen
What the hell. Hope u found someone that loves you for who you are and not just who you will become. The no contact rule is for your own damn good, you deserve better.
I guess if you just showed her that you are not needy anymore, that will in itself be a huge change in you. And the best way to show her that is by applying no contact and sending her the letter mentioned in this article.
Hi Chen
What the hell. Hope u found someone that loves you for who you are and not just who you will become. The no contact rule is for your own damn good, you deserve better.
I guess if you just showed her that you are not needy anymore, that will in itself be a huge change in you. And the best way to show her that is by applying no contact and sending her the letter mentioned in this article.
Hey my name is Patricia and I was with my ex for 10 months. We broke up due to me not really having fun when we went out and did things which I see now as true in some situations. I have definitely changed a lot since our breakup and realized the mistakes I made in our relationship and I have been doing great on working on myself.... Anyway When we tried talking about it he was saying how he needs time to think and that he doesn't know what he wants to do. I was very upset that he was having second thoughts to our relationship so I just ended it. For a couple weeks after that I sent some pretty needy messages but then stopped cuz it wasn't doing any good.. He ended up saying "I hate this babe I care about you and probably always will but I just can't do this anymore" then a few days After that he asked me if I would want to do a friends with benefits which I did not agree to then I went into NC. About 9 days later he initiated asking me if I hated him which I just responded with a simple no and continued the NC. 10 days later he initiated again saying stuff like "I still think about you all the time and I miss the times we used to have and I wish I still had you but I screwed everything up" then we talked some but then I find out that he has a new girlfriend just a week and a half later. I then went into NC for 38 days and sent him a message asking how his new year was so far and he responded with "please stop talking to me would be greatly appreciated I am with my girlfriend right now" I respected that and have been in NC since. So now I'm on day 50 of NC and he has been with this new girl for 3 months now. I was thinking about waiting 95 days of NC and sending him a little message letting him know that I was thinking about him... What are your thoughts on my situation and what I should do from here?
There is a good chance he is in a rebound and he will eventually break up. You can try contacting him again after 95 days. And if his response is the same as before, then I think it'll be best if you move on.
There is a good chance he is in a rebound and he will eventually break up. You can try contacting him again after 95 days. And if his response is the same as before, then I think it'll be best if you move on.
Hi!
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 moths ago. He often didn't call and didn't appear when promised (but he did that always later) and we were quarrelling about that and he said that apparently he doesn't love me strong enough and he doesn't want any commitment. There was silence for two weeks, then I called him and he came to see me (he lives 200 km far away) because I admitted that I feel bad. He stayed with me 3 days, those were really beautiful days without any kiss. Also later we went to theatre, he called and wrote me a lot and I see that sometimes he hardly holds himself back; he wants to stick to his decision that he can't offer me a commitment and he doesn't want to fool me (as he thinks I love him stronger). These days we have got a really fun time via phone, should I really apply no contact rule if we have gotten so far?
A week ago I tried to kiss him, he didn't want to and I turned it to fun as " I check the boundaries", it seemed he believed me.
Do you think you want someone who doesn't want commitment? Or are you under the belief that he secretly wants commitment and he is not telling you because of his pride? Or perhaps, you think that you can get him back and then make him want commitment?
Yes, I do believe you should apply no contact. Not because of him but for yourself. You really need to think if you want a relationship with him. And you won't be able to think clearly unless you apply no contact.
Yes, I think he secretly wants commitment, I'm 100% sure, he is just afraid. Before me he had only one girlfriend and she hurted him a lot.
He thinks that if we quarrel then he's not good enough for me, because the previous girl never did. At the same time he says that he doesn't love me as strong as I love him and this is the reason, but I'm not sure because he's not interested in any other woman these 2 years.
We have long distance relationship, so this great and active communication in last weeks is something new and it was hard to establish it because of the distance.
If you still think, that I should apply NC, - when he writes me, should I tell him that I want no contact?
Thank you a lot!!!
Yes, I do think you should apply NC. IF he contacts you, tell him that you need some time and space and you'll contact him after some time.
Yes, I do think you should apply NC. IF he contacts you, tell him that you need some time and space and you'll contact him after some time.
Yes, I do think you should apply NC. IF he contacts you, tell him that you need some time and space and you'll contact him after some time.
Yes, I do think you should apply NC. IF he contacts you, tell him that you need some time and space and you'll contact him after some time.
Yes, I think he secretly wants commitment, I'm 100% sure, he is just afraid. Before me he had only one girlfriend and she hurted him a lot.
He thinks that if we quarrel then he's not good enough for me, because the previous girl never did. At the same time he says that he doesn't love me as strong as I love him and this is the reason, but I'm not sure because he's not interested in any other woman these 2 years.
We have long distance relationship, so this great and active communication in last weeks is something new and it was hard to establish it because of the distance.
If you still think, that I should apply NC, - when he writes me, should I tell him that I want no contact?
Thank you a lot!!!
Yes, I think he secretly wants commitment, I'm 100% sure, he is just afraid. Before me he had only one girlfriend and she hurted him a lot.
He thinks that if we quarrel then he's not good enough for me, because the previous girl never did. At the same time he says that he doesn't love me as strong as I love him and this is the reason, but I'm not sure because he's not interested in any other woman these 2 years.
We have long distance relationship, so this great and active communication in last weeks is something new and it was hard to establish it because of the distance.
If you still think, that I should apply NC, - when he writes me, should I tell him that I want no contact?
Thank you a lot!!!
Do you think you want someone who doesn't want commitment? Or are you under the belief that he secretly wants commitment and he is not telling you because of his pride? Or perhaps, you think that you can get him back and then make him want commitment?
Yes, I do believe you should apply no contact. Not because of him but for yourself. You really need to think if you want a relationship with him. And you won't be able to think clearly unless you apply no contact.
I have to add info, that he is very feminine and he doesn't like to take initiative and he is very proud. For example, if I will tell him: "I don't want to meet your friends because you don't pay any attention to me in public", he will say "then don't come". He translates it as if he'd love me enough, he'd do that naturally.
We have been together for 2 years.
P.S. I'm 100% over the pain and I am not needy anymore.
You make a lot of sense, how I hope that I could know it earlier. Now I have a problem with no contact: My ex and I ,we are in the same school, it's a really small place ,i'd come across him everyday,how can I do no contact when I can't avoiding seeing him? If I see him, I should even don't take a glance at him or say hello?
Don't say hello unless he says it first. If you are in a situation where you have to talk to him, talk to him like an acquaintance and don't talk about anything personal.
Don't say hello unless he says it first. If you are in a situation where you have to talk to him, talk to him like an acquaintance and don't talk about anything personal.
Hi,
I have just broke up with my bf on valentine's day night. He said that im no longer the right one for him because i took care of him too good and that pressured him becoz he had no time and be supportive for me. He said im depressed person due to the problem im having at my work place. I always tell him about my concern and problem and i always ask if he has any.
Now he said like he will never come back for me and i will never be his gf again. I did what you said I should not do. I contacted him and he seemed very annoyed ... I dunno .. I still want to know that 'never' always mean never? If i can change attitude towards many things in life.. Will he come back to me after a long time breaking up.. Now im trying to be more confident and attractive.. Will not contact him for a while but I would like to know that.. He will definitely follow his rule of never return to his ex?
I think you still have a chance if you make positive changes in your life. A lot of people say they'll never come back but some of them do come back. So there's still hope.
I think you still have a chance if you make positive changes in your life. A lot of people say they'll never come back but some of them do come back. So there's still hope.
Hi Kevin,
he just broke up with me last night and the feeling which he gave me is he likes me a lot but somehow we had some problem cant compromise and he said he cant see it can be fix and he doesn't want to see me unhappy becos of him so he chose to leave this relationship, but I still have stuffs at his place should I go contact him to pick it all up?
I do likes him a lot and I still think the problem we had can be fix
If the stuff is not important, leave it for now and get it after no contact. If you can't wait, then send a friend to pick it up.
If the stuff is not important, leave it for now and get it after no contact. If you can't wait, then send a friend to pick it up.
I was blindsided by our break up and he now has a new girlfriend after just a couple weeks. We had one small tiff and he said I was over thinking things and he was feeling freaked out. We took a break then he claimed we were just a hook up, but we weren't.I know the difference :) I feel like a lot of our breakup was just circumstantial and we weren't in the right place to be together, but I honestly believe he is the one for me. I would love to make positive changes and win him back.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi!
I read your article and its very helpful. so here's my situation:
together for 1,5 years (mid 20ies both) and the last couple of weeks before he broke up with me we had some fights (more like me nagging and he getting pissed of) which never seemed to be solved in the end cause both always ended up apologizing and i was probablly to much "on his back" and always little more nagging etc and then after another fight and he broke up cause he said he couldnt handle it anymore, doesnt know if he still loves me etc.
It's been exactly 2 months since the breakup and i realised that we both were kinda at fault, i stopped focusing on myself, hence more time to nag at the other person and he probably couldnt express himself enough how much it really bothered him (maybe he tried and i stupid as i was ignored it ).
I did the no contact thing, but it happened 2,3 times in those 30 days that i ran to him in a cafe (but just said hi and both kinda got back to what eachother was doing). But we kinda ignored eachother. Then, a couple of weeks ago of course it had to happended that we were at the same group in a bar and he started a conversation with me and in a few minutes the "weird ice" was broken and actually talked for awhile , what each of us is doing right now etc. Because i have made changes since the break up , of course I brought them up and all the things i am doing now , all in all presented a happy self (which wasnt pretetended cause I really am excited with all the stuff i do right now). The day after that, i wrote him a textmessage saying that it was nice to see him and that I am glad that it wasnt weird like the other couple of times and that it is good to know that we can interact with eachother when we are sitting in the same table and that i am gald to know that both are doing good. He answered that he was glad too and that that was what he wanted too. Something similiar happened the week after, cause a friend of ours had his birthday (without the textmessage after). But all in all that was it with the contact. So I decided to send him a letter yesterday saying that i understand it know, and that it was the right decision cause i realized how i had lost myself in him and didnt stuff for me cause i ignored it and that i learned new things about myself and gained a lot of experiences from the relationship and the break up ( 3 handwirtten pages. basically like the letter you decribe above in your article). Soo now to my actually dilemma: he got the letter and wrote me today a text saying: "hey! thanks for the nice letter. i see it the same way. I am glad that you came through the worst stuff and that you're doing fine again. I also learned a lot from it. I look forward for a beer together. "
All in all good, but what is killing me are the words "am glad that you came through the worst and that you're doing fine again". He mentioned something similiar for a second the day our friend had his birthday were i somehow quick made a comment that things are good. It feels to me like he pities me somehow with those words and like he was fine the very next day after the break up (since he never mentioned that it wa hard for him too.. ) But it really pisses me off, cause when he broke up with me he was also a wreck , at same point when i wasnt crying anymore he cried (never had seen him such a mess), both couldnt sleep (we were at his old hometown house), he threw up at some point.. so i dont get it how it seems so easy for him (for me it was my first real relationship, he had some before but always for a couple months,never serious, so it was for him also the first real and so intense one)..
any avdvise? should i answer the text? i have no fucking idea.. i know that the breakup was right at the time, i do a lot more stuff, hobbies, focusing on career goals and try to be as happy as possible. its just that now that i realized those things, i think we could really make it work, we were so good together.. but i am worried, cause he isnt really the type that has a hard time making decisions or his confused. and he can be also kinda a career type, so i am worried that he prefers now the single life too much and focusing just on himself, that he doesnt want to change that and that i dont have a chance.
Hey Lulu,
You are worrying too much. It doesn't matter if it doesn't work out because you are going to be happy no matter what. It could be that he is pitying you, but IMO that's really not an issue as long as getting back together is concerned. Let him think you were miserable as long as he knows that you are doing great in life right now. Contact him after another week and ask him out. Have a fun time, and then do it again after a week. Just keep having fun with him until he makes a move. Just make sure you don't sleep with him until he commits.
Ok, so I didnt answer the text and plan to send him next week a casual text to go for a drink like you recommended. Only thing is, I know I'll probably see him tonight, cause a friend of mine has her first exhibition opening which she organized and he will most likely also be there .. but i think the "plan" should be the same right? of course ignoring him after that letter seems a little stupid but I'll try not to "provoke" the situation by being near him all the same but try to do the opposite.. what do you think?
Sorry it took me a while to reply. I hope it went well.
would really appreciate an answer from you. after the last "beer meeting", i dunno, it didnt seem to lead somewhere so i probably wont send him a text next week for going out again . or what do you think?
Hey Lulu,
I think you are right. Don't ask him again for a couple of weeks. But continue texting and stay in touch.
Hey Lulu,
I think you are right. Don't ask him again for a couple of weeks. But continue texting and stay in touch.
Hey Lulu,
I think you are right. Don't ask him again for a couple of weeks. But continue texting and stay in touch.
Hey Lulu,
I think you are right. Don't ask him again for a couple of weeks. But continue texting and stay in touch.
Hey Lulu,
I think you are right. Don't ask him again for a couple of weeks. But continue texting and stay in touch.
Hey Lulu,
I think you are right. Don't ask him again for a couple of weeks. But continue texting and stay in touch.
ok, so i couldnt wait for your answer... it was sunny outside and i was feeling very well about everything so i said to myself what the hell. i texted him saying hey whats up? wanna get a beer tonight? ( dunno, his message about looking forward for a beer was 2 weeks ago ) he said yes etc and we met for a beer tonight. small talk , nothing special the hole 1-2 hours.. no one mentioned anything about the break up. then everybody got home with a kiss on the cheek and he said to me "have a nice night " in a very casual way.. any thoughts? ah, he also mentioned at some point while we were having beer, very casually, that he still has some stuff of mine at his place , but we didnt plan a special date for the exchange or anything.. is that a bad thing he mentioned my stuff? all in all he seemed very casual, couldnt read anything from his body language also.. any thoughts on what i should do now?
I mean, he hasnt initiated any contact at all this whole time. yes we happened to hang out unexpectedly cause it happened by chance. but it was me after the first "normal small talk" that i had send him a text the next day "glad to know we can talk to each other normally etc" , me who wrote the letter.. and both times of course he answered right away with kind words but he is in general a nice and kind guy, so that could just be it.. wont he know right away what i am doing by texting him to hang out?
Hey,
I think you should have a few more fun conversations with him before asking him to hang out. You wanting to grab the first opportunity of meeting him (that is him looking forward for a beer) might seem a little needy.
Hey,
I think you should have a few more fun conversations with him before asking him to hang out. You wanting to grab the first opportunity of meeting him (that is him looking forward for a beer) might seem a little needy.
Hey,
I think you should have a few more fun conversations with him before asking him to hang out. You wanting to grab the first opportunity of meeting him (that is him looking forward for a beer) might seem a little needy.
Hey,
I think you should have a few more fun conversations with him before asking him to hang out. You wanting to grab the first opportunity of meeting him (that is him looking forward for a beer) might seem a little needy.
Hey,
I think you should have a few more fun conversations with him before asking him to hang out. You wanting to grab the first opportunity of meeting him (that is him looking forward for a beer) might seem a little needy.
Hey,
I think you should have a few more fun conversations with him before asking him to hang out. You wanting to grab the first opportunity of meeting him (that is him looking forward for a beer) might seem a little needy.
Hey Kevin,
its me again cause i wanted to hear your opinion. so remember the exhibition i told you about? as i suspected he was there. a lot of my close friends happened to be there so i was hanging around with them. my ex was hanging around with me most of the time and we had just little small talk etc as the last times (keeping in mind he had already gotten the letter i had sent him). now, he was hanging around with me most if the time ( the reason why he came at the first place of course was cause he was doing a favor for one of my (best) friends by bringing some stuff for the exhibition, which they had planed together already before we had broken up), even though there were 1,2 friends of mine which whom he had also became friends while we were still together (but those 1,2 werent standing with me at the exhibiton but somewhere else). anyway, that was almost 2 weeks ago. i didnt send the text in the end to just hang out a few days later cause i didnt feel ready and because i thought maybe because we already kind of hang out unexpectedly at the exhibiton it would seem a little needy. i had a little set back the other days, but think i can handle it now again. but what should i text him? on his answer for the letter he ended the text with " looking forward for a beer together" . so how can i write a casual , funny text? "bonjoouur monsieur. whats up? care for having that beer some time the next days? " sound a little dry to me.. any ideas? and something totally different, what should i say, in case we should go out, he mentiones giving me my stuff back which is still at his place?
would really appreciate an answer from you. after the last "beer meeting", i dunno, it didnt seem to lead somewhere so i probably wont send him a text next week for going out again . or what do you think?
ok, so i couldnt wait for your answer... it was sunny outside and i was feeling very well about everything so i said to myself what the hell. i texted him saying hey whats up? wanna get a beer tonight? ( dunno, his message about looking forward for a beer was 2 weeks ago ) he said yes etc and we met for a beer tonight. small talk , nothing special the hole 1-2 hours.. no one mentioned anything about the break up. then everybody got home with a kiss on the cheek and he said to me "have a nice night " in a very casual way.. any thoughts? ah, he also mentioned at some point while we were having beer, very casually, that he still has some stuff of mine at his place , but we didnt plan a special date for the exchange or anything.. is that a bad thing he mentioned my stuff? all in all he seemed very casual, couldnt read anything from his body language also.. any thoughts on what i should do now?
I mean, he hasnt initiated any contact at all this whole time. yes we happened to hang out unexpectedly cause it happened by chance. but it was me after the first "normal small talk" that i had send him a text the next day "glad to know we can talk to each other normally etc" , me who wrote the letter.. and both times of course he answered right away with kind words but he is in general a nice and kind guy, so that could just be it.. wont he know right away what i am doing by texting him to hang out?
Hey Kevin,
its me again cause i wanted to hear your opinion. so remember the exhibition i told you about? as i suspected he was there. a lot of my close friends happened to be there so i was hanging around with them. my ex was hanging around with me most of the time and we had just little small talk etc as the last times (keeping in mind he had already gotten the letter i had sent him). now, he was hanging around with me most if the time ( the reason why he came at the first place of course was cause he was doing a favor for one of my (best) friends by bringing some stuff for the exhibition, which they had planed together already before we had broken up), even though there were 1,2 friends of mine which whom he had also became friends while we were still together (but those 1,2 werent standing with me at the exhibiton but somewhere else). anyway, that was almost 2 weeks ago. i didnt send the text in the end to just hang out a few days later cause i didnt feel ready and because i thought maybe because we already kind of hang out unexpectedly at the exhibiton it would seem a little needy. i had a little set back the other days, but think i can handle it now again. but what should i text him? on his answer for the letter he ended the text with " looking forward for a beer together" . so how can i write a casual , funny text? "bonjoouur monsieur. whats up? care for having that beer some time the next days? " sound a little dry to me.. any ideas? and something totally different, what should i say, in case we should go out, he mentiones giving me my stuff back which is still at his place?
would really appreciate an answer from you. after the last "beer meeting", i dunno, it didnt seem to lead somewhere so i probably wont send him a text next week for going out again . or what do you think?
ok, so i couldnt wait for your answer... it was sunny outside and i was feeling very well about everything so i said to myself what the hell. i texted him saying hey whats up? wanna get a beer tonight? ( dunno, his message about looking forward for a beer was 2 weeks ago ) he said yes etc and we met for a beer tonight. small talk , nothing special the hole 1-2 hours.. no one mentioned anything about the break up. then everybody got home with a kiss on the cheek and he said to me "have a nice night " in a very casual way.. any thoughts? ah, he also mentioned at some point while we were having beer, very casually, that he still has some stuff of mine at his place , but we didnt plan a special date for the exchange or anything.. is that a bad thing he mentioned my stuff? all in all he seemed very casual, couldnt read anything from his body language also.. any thoughts on what i should do now?
I mean, he hasnt initiated any contact at all this whole time. yes we happened to hang out unexpectedly cause it happened by chance. but it was me after the first "normal small talk" that i had send him a text the next day "glad to know we can talk to each other normally etc" , me who wrote the letter.. and both times of course he answered right away with kind words but he is in general a nice and kind guy, so that could just be it.. wont he know right away what i am doing by texting him to hang out?
Hey Kevin,
its me again cause i wanted to hear your opinion. so remember the exhibition i told you about? as i suspected he was there. a lot of my close friends happened to be there so i was hanging around with them. my ex was hanging around with me most of the time and we had just little small talk etc as the last times (keeping in mind he had already gotten the letter i had sent him). now, he was hanging around with me most if the time ( the reason why he came at the first place of course was cause he was doing a favor for one of my (best) friends by bringing some stuff for the exhibition, which they had planed together already before we had broken up), even though there were 1,2 friends of mine which whom he had also became friends while we were still together (but those 1,2 werent standing with me at the exhibiton but somewhere else). anyway, that was almost 2 weeks ago. i didnt send the text in the end to just hang out a few days later cause i didnt feel ready and because i thought maybe because we already kind of hang out unexpectedly at the exhibiton it would seem a little needy. i had a little set back the other days, but think i can handle it now again. but what should i text him? on his answer for the letter he ended the text with " looking forward for a beer together" . so how can i write a casual , funny text? "bonjoouur monsieur. whats up? care for having that beer some time the next days? " sound a little dry to me.. any ideas? and something totally different, what should i say, in case we should go out, he mentiones giving me my stuff back which is still at his place?
would really appreciate an answer from you. after the last "beer meeting", i dunno, it didnt seem to lead somewhere so i probably wont send him a text next week for going out again . or what do you think?
ok, so i couldnt wait for your answer... it was sunny outside and i was feeling very well about everything so i said to myself what the hell. i texted him saying hey whats up? wanna get a beer tonight? ( dunno, his message about looking forward for a beer was 2 weeks ago ) he said yes etc and we met for a beer tonight. small talk , nothing special the hole 1-2 hours.. no one mentioned anything about the break up. then everybody got home with a kiss on the cheek and he said to me "have a nice night " in a very casual way.. any thoughts? ah, he also mentioned at some point while we were having beer, very casually, that he still has some stuff of mine at his place , but we didnt plan a special date for the exchange or anything.. is that a bad thing he mentioned my stuff? all in all he seemed very casual, couldnt read anything from his body language also.. any thoughts on what i should do now?
I mean, he hasnt initiated any contact at all this whole time. yes we happened to hang out unexpectedly cause it happened by chance. but it was me after the first "normal small talk" that i had send him a text the next day "glad to know we can talk to each other normally etc" , me who wrote the letter.. and both times of course he answered right away with kind words but he is in general a nice and kind guy, so that could just be it.. wont he know right away what i am doing by texting him to hang out?
Hey Kevin,
its me again cause i wanted to hear your opinion. so remember the exhibition i told you about? as i suspected he was there. a lot of my close friends happened to be there so i was hanging around with them. my ex was hanging around with me most of the time and we had just little small talk etc as the last times (keeping in mind he had already gotten the letter i had sent him). now, he was hanging around with me most if the time ( the reason why he came at the first place of course was cause he was doing a favor for one of my (best) friends by bringing some stuff for the exhibition, which they had planed together already before we had broken up), even though there were 1,2 friends of mine which whom he had also became friends while we were still together (but those 1,2 werent standing with me at the exhibiton but somewhere else). anyway, that was almost 2 weeks ago. i didnt send the text in the end to just hang out a few days later cause i didnt feel ready and because i thought maybe because we already kind of hang out unexpectedly at the exhibiton it would seem a little needy. i had a little set back the other days, but think i can handle it now again. but what should i text him? on his answer for the letter he ended the text with " looking forward for a beer together" . so how can i write a casual , funny text? "bonjoouur monsieur. whats up? care for having that beer some time the next days? " sound a little dry to me.. any ideas? and something totally different, what should i say, in case we should go out, he mentiones giving me my stuff back which is still at his place?
would really appreciate an answer from you. after the last "beer meeting", i dunno, it didnt seem to lead somewhere so i probably wont send him a text next week for going out again . or what do you think?
ok, so i couldnt wait for your answer... it was sunny outside and i was feeling very well about everything so i said to myself what the hell. i texted him saying hey whats up? wanna get a beer tonight? ( dunno, his message about looking forward for a beer was 2 weeks ago ) he said yes etc and we met for a beer tonight. small talk , nothing special the hole 1-2 hours.. no one mentioned anything about the break up. then everybody got home with a kiss on the cheek and he said to me "have a nice night " in a very casual way.. any thoughts? ah, he also mentioned at some point while we were having beer, very casually, that he still has some stuff of mine at his place , but we didnt plan a special date for the exchange or anything.. is that a bad thing he mentioned my stuff? all in all he seemed very casual, couldnt read anything from his body language also.. any thoughts on what i should do now?
I mean, he hasnt initiated any contact at all this whole time. yes we happened to hang out unexpectedly cause it happened by chance. but it was me after the first "normal small talk" that i had send him a text the next day "glad to know we can talk to each other normally etc" , me who wrote the letter.. and both times of course he answered right away with kind words but he is in general a nice and kind guy, so that could just be it.. wont he know right away what i am doing by texting him to hang out?
Hey Kevin,
its me again cause i wanted to hear your opinion. so remember the exhibition i told you about? as i suspected he was there. a lot of my close friends happened to be there so i was hanging around with them. my ex was hanging around with me most of the time and we had just little small talk etc as the last times (keeping in mind he had already gotten the letter i had sent him). now, he was hanging around with me most if the time ( the reason why he came at the first place of course was cause he was doing a favor for one of my (best) friends by bringing some stuff for the exhibition, which they had planed together already before we had broken up), even though there were 1,2 friends of mine which whom he had also became friends while we were still together (but those 1,2 werent standing with me at the exhibiton but somewhere else). anyway, that was almost 2 weeks ago. i didnt send the text in the end to just hang out a few days later cause i didnt feel ready and because i thought maybe because we already kind of hang out unexpectedly at the exhibiton it would seem a little needy. i had a little set back the other days, but think i can handle it now again. but what should i text him? on his answer for the letter he ended the text with " looking forward for a beer together" . so how can i write a casual , funny text? "bonjoouur monsieur. whats up? care for having that beer some time the next days? " sound a little dry to me.. any ideas? and something totally different, what should i say, in case we should go out, he mentiones giving me my stuff back which is still at his place?
".. by being near him all the time " is what i meant :P
Sorry it took me a while to reply. I hope it went well.
".. by being near him all the time " is what i meant :P
Sorry it took me a while to reply. I hope it went well.
".. by being near him all the time " is what i meant :P
Sorry it took me a while to reply. I hope it went well.
".. by being near him all the time " is what i meant :P
Ok, so I didnt answer the text and plan to send him next week a casual text to go for a drink like you recommended. Only thing is, I know I'll probably see him tonight, cause a friend of mine has her first exhibition opening which she organized and he will most likely also be there .. but i think the "plan" should be the same right? of course ignoring him after that letter seems a little stupid but I'll try not to "provoke" the situation by being near him all the same but try to do the opposite.. what do you think?
Ok, so I didnt answer the text and plan to send him next week a casual text to go for a drink like you recommended. Only thing is, I know I'll probably see him tonight, cause a friend of mine has her first exhibition opening which she organized and he will most likely also be there .. but i think the "plan" should be the same right? of course ignoring him after that letter seems a little stupid but I'll try not to "provoke" the situation by being near him all the same but try to do the opposite.. what do you think?
Hey Lulu,
You are worrying too much. It doesn't matter if it doesn't work out because you are going to be happy no matter what. It could be that he is pitying you, but IMO that's really not an issue as long as getting back together is concerned. Let him think you were miserable as long as he knows that you are doing great in life right now. Contact him after another week and ask him out. Have a fun time, and then do it again after a week. Just keep having fun with him until he makes a move. Just make sure you don't sleep with him until he commits.
Hi, got in touch with my ex after 22 yrs. He in States, me in Ireland.He said he still had feelings for me, I said same. He spoke of our past all the time. It was all FB texting. He never really asked about my family or son. He never phoned or made plans to vist even though I invited him( I dumped him due to family pressure) Said he'd love to come to Ireland, have babies and live with me forever. Then he backtracked, said "once bitten twice shy" " not sure if the Irish climate would suit me" I think he is out of work. 6 wks ago he ghosted. I noticed he had added his ex GF again on Fb. I bumped him down to "acquaintance" instead of "CLOSE FRIEND" next morn, he had taken our pics down off FB. I "unfriended" him. I noticed he has saved an album of MY pics from MY FB page. I have done " no contact " since. WHAT IS GOING ON DO YOU THINK ? WILL HE BE IN TOUCH AGAIN ? HOW DO I KNOW IT'S NOT JUST CURIOUSITY IF HE IS ?
Thanks a million
Wow, 22 years is a long time. It's hard to say if it's just curiosity or if he's genuinely interested. To be honest, no contact is not going to be of much help after 22 years of no contact. I think it'll be OK if you contact him after a week or so to see what he wants.
Wow, 22 years is a long time. It's hard to say if it's just curiosity or if he's genuinely interested. To be honest, no contact is not going to be of much help after 22 years of no contact. I think it'll be OK if you contact him after a week or so to see what he wants.
Hi,
My boyfriend of four years broke up with me three weeks ago saying that he hasn't loved me in over a year. We lived together for three years and he moved a few hours away about seven months ago. The distance was hard and just brought up my insecurities and his indifference towards me. We have kept in contact (mostly me starting it) since the breakup. I found out that he asked a girl out on a date a week after he ended things with me and I lost it. Now he keeps saying he is "done" with me and the relationship. He is cold and hurtful to me now and won't give me the time of day, saying he doesn't care and I am not his problem anymore. I cut off contact with him three days ago and it's been difficult but I'm going to not talk to him for a month. Do you even remotely think there is a chance for us? Any advise is much appreciated.
Yes, I do think there's a chance. Of course, I can't guarantee anything. But it seems he just lost attraction and if you make some positive changes in your life, you can reignite the spark in his heart.
Yes, I do think there's a chance. Of course, I can't guarantee anything. But it seems he just lost attraction and if you make some positive changes in your life, you can reignite the spark in his heart.
Kevin, after 30days of NC, will my ex want to talk to me? I mean, how if he is angry because i didnt reply his msg at all?
Anger usually subsides during the no contact period. I am pretty sure he'll want to talk to you after 30 days.
Anger usually subsides during the no contact period. I am pretty sure he'll want to talk to you after 30 days.
Hi Kevin,
I was with my high school girlfriend for for only 3 months ( we were friends way before) before we got married and although it was great the first year the second year got a lot harder because I had a lot of stress at work and became insensitive and a real jerk. However she never said anything about how it made her feel until she left and she only left because I told her to do so because I was always expecting more of her and she could never meet my expectations. I realized I had made a mistake and said I was sorry and willing to work on thing and it seemed like we were going to fix it and then two weeks later she said never mind she didn't want to come back and filed for a divorce a month later. She said she wanted independence and said she couldn't trust me anymore. I admit I mad all the mistakes for the first month of calling, texting, msg a million times but around week 6 I finally sucked it up and have only been sending her msgs once a week. She does reply but they are very uninterested conversations. is it still too late to follow these tips. I am improving myself physically, careers wise, etc. Should I do the no contact? Is there any hope almost 3 months later?
Yes, there's hope. Do no contact for a month. However, be prepared for the worst. If things don't work out, you'll have to move on.
Yes, there's hope. Do no contact for a month. However, be prepared for the worst. If things don't work out, you'll have to move on.
Hey Kevin.
I have done every step on here and my ex and I are talking and having out and going to dinners. I even dated a girl for a while and then when my ex found out she always wanted to see me. I aM not going to lie, I thought about her a lot even when I was seeing that other girl. I have a problem though. Before I was totally happy and we never argued but recently I feel like I am regressing into the old me and I really don't like it. I argue with my ex a little more than before now. What do I do? I aM stuck.
Hey Mike,
There's very little information here for me to say anything about it. I guess you can ask her for some time to figure out what's going on within yourself. Perhaps, therapy will help you figure out the problem.
Hey Mike,
There's very little information here for me to say anything about it. I guess you can ask her for some time to figure out what's going on within yourself. Perhaps, therapy will help you figure out the problem.
Well, I really don't have a choice right now as to what I should do because clearly, forcing him or covincing him back won't do any good..
Maybe in the span of 16 months, I should somehow keep in touch so that even if there are times that he falls or dates another girl, He would still be reminded of me even for just a tad bit and would slim his chances in being in a serious relationship.
What do you think about that? I would still hang around as a friend and would sometimes ignite his feelings so that he'll never see me as a platonic friend...
Please tell me your take on that.
Not a bad idea. But doing it for 16 months will be really hard for you. Not to mention the fact that he will eventually start being with other girls and knowing that will hurt you terribly. If I were you, I'd cut contact for 16 months and concentrate on living my life. But ultimately it's your decision.
He might replace me if I cut contact for 16 months. :'( well.... Maybe I really should focus on myself from now on.. I should let him feel what it's like without me.. and if he's okay with living without me.. then clearly, he's not the man for me. Thankyou for your articles. It gave me confidence
He might replace me if I cut contact for 16 months. :'( well.... Maybe I really should focus on myself from now on.. I should let him feel what it's like without me.. and if he's okay with living without me.. then clearly, he's not the man for me. Thankyou for your articles. It gave me confidence
He might replace me if I cut contact for 16 months. :'( well.... Maybe I really should focus on myself from now on.. I should let him feel what it's like without me.. and if he's okay with living without me.. then clearly, he's not the man for me. Thankyou for your articles. It gave me confidence
Not a bad idea. But doing it for 16 months will be really hard for you. Not to mention the fact that he will eventually start being with other girls and knowing that will hurt you terribly. If I were you, I'd cut contact for 16 months and concentrate on living my life. But ultimately it's your decision.
Hey Kevin,
Your article is spot-on with everything I've been going through with my ex EXCEPT I broke up with him a month before Valentine's Day. We was together 3 months and in a long distance relationship. The beginning of the relationship was good until we started fighting and the fights became more and more constant. I do admit that when we was together I verbaly abused him and I feel really bad for it and I apologized and asked him to forgive me for it. The reason I broke up with him was because he wouldn't show he cared or loved me (but said it often) and he wouldn't follow through with his promises. Now I assure you this is not the type of person I would normally want to be with (A man who's not of his word) but he did say that he wanted to change for me and I believe he was starting to right before I broke up with him. After we boke up I regrettably told him that I didn't love him anymore and that we was never getting back together. Within a week of us breaking up he runs into his ex from 5 years ago (who just so happens to be friends with his sisters) he gives her his number and when I asked him if he was talking to someone else at first he lied about it (claims he knew I was gonna be mad about it) but then he eventually admitted it a few days later. The first few days he said they was talking as friends and a few days later he said they was talking more than friends. Basically within a week or two of me breaking up with him he was in a new relationship with his ex. At first he would tell me he still loved me but that the feelings for me would pass over time. This is when I started to bombard him with texts and fb measages, because I felt i was loosing him and would never, ever get him back. He tells me that I pushed him away when we was together and I know I continued to do so after the break up. Him and his ex were together for 3 months, 5 years ago in high school. They both mutually just stopped talking to eachother and moved on to talk to other people. Why? I don't know but he said once him and her started talking again his feelings for her started to come back. Now they been together a little over a month and he says he loves her and has already told her and she's said it back! He also told me with a month that he loved me as well! The reason he said he's with her is because "she never did anything bad when they was together". She messaged me on fb that I needed to stop talking to him and now i feel he's really pissed at me because of the harassment. He told me to leave him alone, stop texting him and has said we are never, ever getting back together and i'm not getting the second chance that I've begged him for! I also feel as if he's only doing this because she's looks through his phone and fb messages. I can already tell his girlfriend is insecure, controlling and manipulative, this can't be a good thing and they haven't been together 2 months yet! I told him if he really wanted to be done to block my number or change his number and he won't! (sign of hope?) I know I seem like a crazy person now but the scariest thing that could happen is to loose this person forever! I already told him I wanted to go to therapy, and we talked about going to therapy as a couple. I feel this is the man I see myself with long-term if I could get another chance to prove myself. He is the only ex that has opened my eyes to change things in me that I want to change to be a better person. Please help me! I've known I needed to stop contacting him but I literally just COULDN'T NOT TEXT HIM! I think i might of turned him off forever and I'm scared. I started my No-Contact Rule 2 days ago and am really tryin to commit to it! I'm supposed to see him and meet him for the first time in April and by the way we did meet online but I feel like he's the one and that he has an important purpose in my life and vice versa!
Hey, you should apply no contact till April. I consider 3 months to be a short term relationship. So, IMO you and his ex both are on level playing field. The only way you can have the upper hand if you show him you are not needy and confident (since she is insecure and controlling). I think the plan will work well for you if you can stick to no contact and make a few positive changes in your life during that time.
Hey, you should apply no contact till April. I consider 3 months to be a short term relationship. So, IMO you and his ex both are on level playing field. The only way you can have the upper hand if you show him you are not needy and confident (since she is insecure and controlling). I think the plan will work well for you if you can stick to no contact and make a few positive changes in your life during that time.
My girlfriend and I are separated for almost 2 months now. At first she says its just a cool off kinda thing and that she only needs time but then I found out that shes already dating another guy. The odd thing is that during those 2 months we still constantly text and see each other which often results to me bursting out to her whenever the conversation gets heated. But then last night she decided that its time for us to go our separate ways. It really broke my heart and I was begging for her to not leave me. But then I realized that it will be better for me to move on. However, she still owes me some amount of money and we are paying some payments monthly that is still due to end for 2 more years. I think it will really be difficult for me to move on since we will still be seeing each other when she gives me the payment and even if she could just use money transfers, I even don’t want to see her name. What should I do? But I still want to get her back thou. And after im done with the no contact thing, what if shes already in a relationship? Can I still ask her to go out with me?
Oh, and if you want to win her back, you should contact her after no contact regardless of her relationship status. Start texting for a while and then ask her to meet you as a friend.
Hey,
I don't think it'll be a problem for you seeing her once in a while (or seeing her name) if you actually concentrate on moving on. Moving on isn't really about forgetting a person. Moving on is about accepting that the relationship didn't work out.
Oh, and if you want to win her back, you should contact her after no contact regardless of her relationship status. Start texting for a while and then ask her to meet you as a friend.
Hey,
I don't think it'll be a problem for you seeing her once in a while (or seeing her name) if you actually concentrate on moving on. Moving on isn't really about forgetting a person. Moving on is about accepting that the relationship didn't work out.
Hi we were together for 3 years and then his ex started contacting him again saying she still has feeling for him my boyfriend decided to talk to her behind my back to say that it was over between them and she should stop. Obviously he did that for us but things went the other way. My boyfriend felt that he still has feelings for her and that he loves her more than he loves me and that's why he ended things with me.
Here's their story:
]They were high school sweethearts when they went to college they lost their communication and things ended between them but every time they see each other the feeling is still there and every time they try to make a relationship out of it something always goes wrong and nothing happens.
Do you think there is really somethings between them? or this is just the same cycle. I really love my boyfriend and i want to get him back. I want him to realize that he made the wrong decision.
Hey,
The only thing you can do to make him realize he made the wrong decision is by leaving him alone and start living your life to the fullest.
Hey,
The only thing you can do to make him realize he made the wrong decision is by leaving him alone and start living your life to the fullest.
Hi Kevin,
My gf left me for her ex. 4Months later i got her to win me back. She did everything to get healthy for me and earn My trust...etc. but by that point i had suffered major life struggles which made me unhealthy And lower selfesteem. When we finally reunited, her respect for me decreased quickly due to my behavior and i didnt have the strength to give so i compromised my standard. Got over sensitive, clingly...etc She broke it off w me about 25 days ago But was crying about it and a little unsure. She said she didnt know what she wanted. Aside from about 5 texts about nothing personal, ive not contacted.she initiated a few of them telling me of things that reminded her of me. Ive been through therepy and councilling...etc i am feeling more self-acceptance and peace than Ever. My confidence is deff on the rise. But heres my question:
I invited her to run into me casually On a bike trail about a week ago in hopes to tell her ive changed and want to get back...etc. She did not respond! Then i saw her truck days later. When she saw me she drove away. I just now read the 30 day rule. Do you think i ruined my chances because i contacted too soon? Should i wait longer to open communication or just send text,letter ?
Thank you for your help and wisdom
Sincerly,
R
You didn't ruin your chances. If you want, you can send a letter right now and contact her after a few weeks using texts.
You didn't ruin your chances. If you want, you can send a letter right now and contact her after a few weeks using texts.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the great articles. I agree that the reason you want your ex back shouldn't be "neediness", you really should WANT them back not need them back, but my question is if "still loving them " is not a good reason then what the reason should be? Isn't it because you love them and you enjoy being around them you give yourself and the relationship another shot?
Thank you.
Hey Lili,
Thanks for the comment. I believe I wrote an article about this. You can read it here.
Hey Lili,
Thanks for the comment. I believe I wrote an article about this. You can read it here.
We have been dating for 2 years and it seems when we go out together I get in such a funk and start to get abrasive with my words, this has happened several times and she has taken me back it just happened last weekend and she blocked my phone and fb and said this is the last time!!!!! I have not spoken to her since but see her a the the gym every morning. I am now going for counseling, will no contact work in this case if I do not do anything..We really do have something very special otherwise, Scared to death to lose her!!!
Yes it will work. I will also recommend that you send her a letter of apology as mentioned in this article. Mention in the letter that you are going for counseling (if she doesn't know already).
Yes it will work. I will also recommend that you send her a letter of apology as mentioned in this article. Mention in the letter that you are going for counseling (if she doesn't know already).
And how can this work if she is doing the same to me???
Help me she updated her fb status that she hates everyone except her best friend ( girl ) and will marry video games and food
I texted her to ask how she is
And she replied broken and crushed.
I asked why she doesn’t wanna tell
I said ok.and told her to Hv fun and try to ignore wt happened but he said she wanna suicide and she diesnt tell me why ( I feel she broke up with Robbie ) so I told het to ask that friend of hers who she rusts a lot and who knows her
She said it. better to die and I said think about ur parents before doing that
she texted me that she'll isolate herself as usual and if she doesn't reply she's sorry and she has never felt so broken
I replied u know u can trust me and tell me ir u want
I wonder what’s going on as I dont get anything at all wt she means
Help me understand wts going on
Quick reply will be thankful
You did what you could. Now give her some time to sort out her feelings. I'd say contact her after about two weeks.
You did what you could. Now give her some time to sort out her feelings. I'd say contact her after about two weeks.
I must also add that we were in a relation for 19 months in which the last month was not that good as we had fights and stuff wasnt working out
I was possessive and I know i made a lot of mistakes and we broke up
that guy Robbie was her friend for 2-3 months and I Hv a feeling that he manipulated her and stole her from me
I was in no contact for 2 weeks and then contacted her we talked ok first day all this above comment stuff happened when I talked to her the next day
help me kevin I'm trying to figure out wts going on
I was emotionally unstable and abusive due to being really depressed. Three days prior to the breakup, he said he still wanted us to work. I got antidepressants and I regret everything I've done. I am stable and not abusive. I hurt my ex. We've been together a year and a half. He says part of him still wants me. Then be he says he doesn't want me. He acts sweet and polite, then cold. He doesn't want to talk to me and says I'm annoyimg him. How do I get him back? :/
Elle I'm sure ur beautiful and pretty he shouldn't deserve u if he's saying those things
I cheated on my boyfriend with his cousin and I feel like it’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made... this is the 2nd time it’s happened. The first time was 4 years ago when I was 18 and the second time just recently and I’m 22. The first time me and my boyfriend broke up for almost 5 months and it was the worst 5 months ever for me. The 2nd the cousin texted me and I had a little to much to drink and ended up sleeping with him. My boyfriend broke up with me and said there’s no chance he would ever get back with me. But when I see him he still shows me some love and this time we were practically married , living in the same home with 1 child.... at first when he found out he kicked me out but then a couple days later said he wanted to work things out but a little after that he changed his mind again and blocked me on all social media and my cell number...please give me some good advice on what I can do to get him back or if I should even try
I cheated on my girl friend actually there is a girl and on one time she just turn on kiss me didn't expect it and on one time my girl heard this and she think that i broke all my promises and we break up is their a chance to get her back
Mine is kind a complicated. We were 8 yrs together with a 6 yrs old kid. When we broke up, a guy chase me and I got pregnant but the guy leave me. My ex told me he wanted us to get back together, but when he find out that I am pregnant, everything turned upside down. Now he is flirting to some other girls. I lose him, totally. I still want him.. I still want a whole family but how.
You have to give him some time to see if he is able to eventually come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant with someone's else child and whether he still wants to be together in spite of that. If abortion is not an option here and you intend to keep the baby, unfortunately - the reality here is you don't really have a choice but to accept whatever his decision is at the end of the day, because every action has its underlying consequences. You will have to be prepared to live with those consequences since there's no undo button for our actions, even if those consequences ultimately turn out to be less than favorable.
You have to give him some time to see if he is able to eventually come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant with someone's else child and whether he still wants to be together in spite of that. If abortion is not an option here and you intend to keep the baby, unfortunately - the reality here is you don't really have a choice but to accept whatever his decision is at the end of the day, because every action has its underlying consequences. You will have to be prepared to live with those consequences since there's no undo button for our actions, even if those consequences ultimately turn out to be less than favorable.
You have to give him some time to see if he is able to eventually come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant with someone's else child and whether he still wants to be together in spite of that. If abortion is not an option here and you intend to keep the baby, unfortunately - the reality here is you don't really have a choice but to accept whatever his decision is at the end of the day, because every action has its underlying consequences. You will have to be prepared to live with those consequences since there's no undo button for our actions, even if those consequences ultimately turn out to be less than favorable.
You have to give him some time to see if he is able to eventually come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant with someone's else child and whether he still wants to be together in spite of that. If abortion is not an option here and you intend to keep the baby, unfortunately - the reality here is you don't really have a choice but to accept whatever his decision is at the end of the day, because every action has its underlying consequences. You will have to be prepared to live with those consequences since there's no undo button for our actions, even if those consequences ultimately turn out to be less than favorable.
You have to give him some time to see if he is able to eventually come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant with someone's else child and whether he still wants to be together in spite of that. If abortion is not an option here and you intend to keep the baby, unfortunately - the reality here is you don't really have a choice but to accept whatever his decision is at the end of the day, because every action has its underlying consequences. You will have to be prepared to live with those consequences since there's no undo button for our actions, even if those consequences ultimately turn out to be less than favorable.
You have to give him some time to see if he is able to eventually come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant with someone's else child and whether he still wants to be together in spite of that. If abortion is not an option here and you intend to keep the baby, unfortunately - the reality here is you don't really have a choice but to accept whatever his decision is at the end of the day, because every action has its underlying consequences. You will have to be prepared to live with those consequences since there's no undo button for our actions, even if those consequences ultimately turn out to be less than favorable.
You have to be mentally prepared that she may not be willing to give you a second chance because of your actions, but my suggestion if you wish to try winning her back is to give her some space to cool off, before you attempt to reach out and try making it up to her. Follow the steps in our main guide as well as the article above to best increase your chances, but of course there's no guarantee of success here.
Mine is kind a complicated. We were 8 yrs together with a 6 yrs old kid. When we broke up, a guy chase me and I got pregnant but the guy leave me. My ex told me he wanted us to get back together, but when he find out that I am pregnant, everything turned upside down. Now he is flirting to some other girls. I lose him, totally. I still want him.. I still want a whole family but how.
You have to be mentally prepared that she may not be willing to give you a second chance because of your actions, but my suggestion if you wish to try winning her back is to give her some space to cool off, before you attempt to reach out and try making it up to her. Follow the steps in our main guide as well as the article above to best increase your chances, but of course there's no guarantee of success here.
Mine is kind a complicated. We were 8 yrs together with a 6 yrs old kid. When we broke up, a guy chase me and I got pregnant but the guy leave me. My ex told me he wanted us to get back together, but when he find out that I am pregnant, everything turned upside down. Now he is flirting to some other girls. I lose him, totally. I still want him.. I still want a whole family but how.
You have to be mentally prepared that she may not be willing to give you a second chance because of your actions, but my suggestion if you wish to try winning her back is to give her some space to cool off, before you attempt to reach out and try making it up to her. Follow the steps in our main guide as well as the article above to best increase your chances, but of course there's no guarantee of success here.
Mine is kind a complicated. We were 8 yrs together with a 6 yrs old kid. When we broke up, a guy chase me and I got pregnant but the guy leave me. My ex told me he wanted us to get back together, but when he find out that I am pregnant, everything turned upside down. Now he is flirting to some other girls. I lose him, totally. I still want him.. I still want a whole family but how.
You have to be mentally prepared that she may not be willing to give you a second chance because of your actions, but my suggestion if you wish to try winning her back is to give her some space to cool off, before you attempt to reach out and try making it up to her. Follow the steps in our main guide as well as the article above to best increase your chances, but of course there's no guarantee of success here.
Mine is kind a complicated. We were 8 yrs together with a 6 yrs old kid. When we broke up, a guy chase me and I got pregnant but the guy leave me. My ex told me he wanted us to get back together, but when he find out that I am pregnant, everything turned upside down. Now he is flirting to some other girls. I lose him, totally. I still want him.. I still want a whole family but how.
You have to be mentally prepared that she may not be willing to give you a second chance because of your actions, but my suggestion if you wish to try winning her back is to give her some space to cool off, before you attempt to reach out and try making it up to her. Follow the steps in our main guide as well as the article above to best increase your chances, but of course there's no guarantee of success here.
Give him some space for the time being to cool off, before trying to reach out again to see if he's willing to give things another shot. He's probably going through a cycle of confused emotions and anger at the moment and would need some time to figure his own emotions out first.
I cheated on my girl friend actually there is a girl and on one time she just turn on kiss me didn't expect it and on one time my girl heard this and she think that i broke all my promises and we break up is their a chance to get her back
Give him some space for the time being to cool off, before trying to reach out again to see if he's willing to give things another shot. He's probably going through a cycle of confused emotions and anger at the moment and would need some time to figure his own emotions out first.
I cheated on my girl friend actually there is a girl and on one time she just turn on kiss me didn't expect it and on one time my girl heard this and she think that i broke all my promises and we break up is their a chance to get her back
Give him some space for the time being to cool off, before trying to reach out again to see if he's willing to give things another shot. He's probably going through a cycle of confused emotions and anger at the moment and would need some time to figure his own emotions out first.
I cheated on my girl friend actually there is a girl and on one time she just turn on kiss me didn't expect it and on one time my girl heard this and she think that i broke all my promises and we break up is their a chance to get her back
Give him some space for the time being to cool off, before trying to reach out again to see if he's willing to give things another shot. He's probably going through a cycle of confused emotions and anger at the moment and would need some time to figure his own emotions out first.
I cheated on my boyfriend with his cousin and I feel like it’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made... this is the 2nd time it’s happened. The first time was 4 years ago when I was 18 and the second time just recently and I’m 22. The first time me and my boyfriend broke up for almost 5 months and it was the worst 5 months ever for me. The 2nd the cousin texted me and I had a little to much to drink and ended up sleeping with him. My boyfriend broke up with me and said there’s no chance he would ever get back with me. But when I see him he still shows me some love and this time we were practically married , living in the same home with 1 child.... at first when he found out he kicked me out but then a couple days later said he wanted to work things out but a little after that he changed his mind again and blocked me on all social media and my cell number...please give me some good advice on what I can do to get him back or if I should even try
I cheated on my boyfriend with his cousin and I feel like it’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made... this is the 2nd time it’s happened. The first time was 4 years ago when I was 18 and the second time just recently and I’m 22. The first time me and my boyfriend broke up for almost 5 months and it was the worst 5 months ever for me. The 2nd the cousin texted me and I had a little to much to drink and ended up sleeping with him. My boyfriend broke up with me and said there’s no chance he would ever get back with me. But when I see him he still shows me some love and this time we were practically married , living in the same home with 1 child.... at first when he found out he kicked me out but then a couple days later said he wanted to work things out but a little after that he changed his mind again and blocked me on all social media and my cell number...please give me some good advice on what I can do to get him back or if I should even try
Hey Elle,
Follow the 5 step plan.
Elle I'm sure ur beautiful and pretty he shouldn't deserve u if he's saying those things
Hey Elle,
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
Well, I noticed my boyfriend started being cold to me about a month ago. I didn't think much of it because we still communicated and he kept insisting he was busy. I eventually found out he wasn't so busy after all but was actually avoiding me and for a week, I pushed him to tell me what the matter was. He said I'd done a lot to him and we'd talk the next weekend, that he'd call. He never called and stopped picking my calls or replying my texts but I was able to start a chat by text. He explained he wanted a break and when I sort clarifications, he said he wanted a breakup because we were both too strong willed, I wasn't spiritual enough, we are not compatible and he doesn't see us having a future together. Besides, I had also made some careless statements that hurt him. He said he doesn't love me anymore and we should both move on with our lives. The thing is for the 8months the relationship lasted, it was very great. I think he is a great guy and I love him a lot. I really didn't mean to hurt his feelings and I'd love to have another shot at the relationship because it was a good one and its I feel he gave up too soon. He let his ego get in the way. I have tried reaching out to him but he has totally been ignoring me. Do I stand a chance of getting him back and what should I do?
Just follow the 5 step plan in this article. And yes, there's a chance of getting him back. I think it's worth giving a try.
Just follow the 5 step plan in this article. And yes, there's a chance of getting him back. I think it's worth giving a try.
Long story short she broke up with me after being together for 15 months because I was drinking with my friend after promising to talk to her that night, she gave me all night to try to talk to her and I blew my chances sky high. We were still friendly and talking after the breakup but then I broke half the rules in your guide and now she doesn't even want to talk to me, we've always had problems with my family and whenever I told her i'd ignore them I always went running back, now i'm stuck single and unsure what to do.
Apply no contact for a while and then send the letter mentioned in the article.
Apply no contact for a while and then send the letter mentioned in the article.
Kevin, my case is a little complicated, I'm not a 100% sure on how to proceed. We broke up over two months ago after being together for two years and two months, she told me she needed some time.
Right after the break-up we kept contact with each other and even had sex a couple of times. I kept pressuring her during the time she needed alone and which kept hurting both of us, 2 weeks ago she asked for some time again, this time without any kind of contact. We did that for two weeks and then she asked me to do it for another week, I agreed. Three days after that she called me and told me "we need to talk in person." I went over where she was at and she basically told me she feels like trying to be in a relationship again under some conditions which I agreed to and respect, she didn't seem as happy as I was. Two days later I reading one of her medicine notebooks and I found a note comparing me with another guy(a guy who I felt jealous of because she spent so much time with him at college), the things she liked and disliked of me and him, evidence that at some point during the break-up time she liked him. I asked about it and she admitted when we broke up she had a crush on that guy. We lasted two more days together and she realized she still likes him, she told me she couldn't do this right now, after crying for 20 minutes in front of each other we agreed we remain friends, she told me she is gonna make it work between us. She felt very good after telling me she felt resentment towards me for the things I did wrong during the relationship, she felt like she took a weight of her shoulders. The day after I told her I didn't want to be friend-zoned and that she had to choose between walking the path of trying to be with me or being with that other guy. She obviously left the scene very upset and I called her to hear what she decided, while was crying over the phone she told me she couldn't do this anymore I felt more pain that I have ever felt in my life at that moment and I said some stupid stuff I can't take back like "if that's your decision then I don't want to live in this world any longer..." that same afternoon I went to her house and I basically begged for her to keep trying, I said I didn't mean anything and totally broke at least 2 rules you listed in your article. To everything I said she replied: "I can't do this anymore." You probably know what I felt after that. I left her house and as soon as I got in the car I started crying like a baby. Today is Friday, that happened Monday.
Wednesday we had a very nice talk at a restaurant she told me she was at, close by where I work at. We apologized to each other, expressed our feelings and thoughts but didn't take it very deep if you know what I mean. She told me she doesn't want to stop talking to me but we need to keep it casual.
After reading a lot online I found this is the best website and the most complete one about this particular topic, so I thank you very much, Kevin. This website has made me realize a lot of things that I was doing wrong even during the relationship.
As of now I would like you to tell me if putting the 'no contact' rule in action is going to help my case. We use Whatsapp and she has texts me now and then, earlier today she called me once and asked me why didn't I answer her, I was nice to her. Should I delete Whatapp or just ignore her? What are my chances of getting her back? Anything I should consider doing? I would love to hear what you have to say. Thank you in advance!
Hey Chris,
I think it'll be a better idea to just tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her when you think you are in a better position. It will keep her from contacting you and you can concentrate on yourself during the no contact period. There's a chance that she might start a relationship with that new guy during that time, but then again, she might do that anyways. So, IMO that's a risk worth taking.
I told her and she said: "That's understandable, I will give you your space. Thank you for telling me." I'm not so worried about her ending up in a relationship with the other guy cause from what I have heard hes not the type of guy who wants a serious relationship with anyone, he is a younger guy, very outgoing, not a competitor in looks, and they see each other at college everyday. And from what she told me she just likes him shes not in love neither loves him and the guy doesn't know any of this(from what I know). But like you said, there is a chance. So I'm just left with hoping she doesn't do anything that will kill my chances by the time I figure myself out.
Thank you for replying, I appreciate your attention.
Hey Kevin,
We had a conflict two nights ago when we bumped into each other at a night club and she felt really uncomfortable because she was with the other guy and a group from school. She said she saw me and she got pissed then she called me and i didn't pick up, sent me a message saying "so you're at this place *thumbs up*" and she left but then apparently came back because I told her I wasn't there(which I wasn't). A few minutes later I went back to the club and she was there, I poked her and she was really surprised to see me. We argued because I wanted to talk to her and she didn't. She left with two of her friends, one being the guy she likes. I let her go but then she called me and we argued for another good 10 minutes. I know I made a mistake picking up the first time, I wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. I honestly felt like I wanted to bash the guy's skull with a bottle of beer but its not worth it, and I don't even have a reason to, its not his fault. Then we had long text conversation... this is what I found interesting, in between all the being upset and talking about all the struggle she said: "you look good by the way..I never got to tell you between all the fighting and all, honestly I think I like you more with a beard than without it. You look somehow more mature. You're acting in some ways more maturely." - The morning after she said: "I honestly can't get over how good you looked last night. There was something different about yo, I don't know what it was. You're acting like the Chris I used to know, not the one that has been around for months now."--I asked her if she likes that and she said: "Honestly? I find it really attractive."
I don't know if I did wrong in asking her or even talking to her and explain how I've been feeling and changing, because she did the same, she opened herself and told me she was praying and all this things that made me feel like I should do the same for her. I know I broke the NC rule, and that I have to start over, but honestly I feel like I made a lot of progress for only being 3 days. I don't know how to use what she told me to my advantage, because now I know she felt attracted to me but I don't know if she'll feel it again, if its going to make her like me again, if its going to make her stop liking the other guy... all I know is that I'm back on NC and that I need some advice.
Please enlighten me Kevin. I appreciate your time and dedication to help others.
Hey Kevin,
We had a conflict two nights ago when we bumped into each other at a night club and she felt really uncomfortable because she was with the other guy and a group from school. She said she saw me and she got pissed then she called me and i didn't pick up, sent me a message saying "so you're at this place *thumbs up*" and she left but then apparently came back because I told her I wasn't there(which I wasn't). A few minutes later I went back to the club and she was there, I poked her and she was really surprised to see me. We argued because I wanted to talk to her and she didn't. She left with two of her friends, one being the guy she likes. I let her go but then she called me and we argued for another good 10 minutes. I know I made a mistake picking up the first time, I wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. I honestly felt like I wanted to bash the guy's skull with a bottle of beer but its not worth it, and I don't even have a reason to, its not his fault. Then we had long text conversation... this is what I found interesting, in between all the being upset and talking about all the struggle she said: "you look good by the way..I never got to tell you between all the fighting and all, honestly I think I like you more with a beard than without it. You look somehow more mature. You're acting in some ways more maturely." - The morning after she said: "I honestly can't get over how good you looked last night. There was something different about yo, I don't know what it was. You're acting like the Chris I used to know, not the one that has been around for months now."--I asked her if she likes that and she said: "Honestly? I find it really attractive."
I don't know if I did wrong in asking her or even talking to her and explain how I've been feeling and changing, because she did the same, she opened herself and told me she was praying and all this things that made me feel like I should do the same for her. I know I broke the NC rule, and that I have to start over, but honestly I feel like I made a lot of progress for only being 3 days. I don't know how to use what she told me to my advantage, because now I know she felt attracted to me but I don't know if she'll feel it again, if its going to make her like me again, if its going to make her stop liking the other guy... all I know is that I'm back on NC and that I need some advice.
Please enlighten me Kevin. I appreciate your time and dedication to help others.
Hey Kevin,
We had a conflict two nights ago when we bumped into each other at a night club and she felt really uncomfortable because she was with the other guy and a group from school. She said she saw me and she got pissed then she called me and i didn't pick up, sent me a message saying "so you're at this place *thumbs up*" and she left but then apparently came back because I told her I wasn't there(which I wasn't). A few minutes later I went back to the club and she was there, I poked her and she was really surprised to see me. We argued because I wanted to talk to her and she didn't. She left with two of her friends, one being the guy she likes. I let her go but then she called me and we argued for another good 10 minutes. I know I made a mistake picking up the first time, I wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. I honestly felt like I wanted to bash the guy's skull with a bottle of beer but its not worth it, and I don't even have a reason to, its not his fault. Then we had long text conversation... this is what I found interesting, in between all the being upset and talking about all the struggle she said: "you look good by the way..I never got to tell you between all the fighting and all, honestly I think I like you more with a beard than without it. You look somehow more mature. You're acting in some ways more maturely." - The morning after she said: "I honestly can't get over how good you looked last night. There was something different about yo, I don't know what it was. You're acting like the Chris I used to know, not the one that has been around for months now."--I asked her if she likes that and she said: "Honestly? I find it really attractive."
I don't know if I did wrong in asking her or even talking to her and explain how I've been feeling and changing, because she did the same, she opened herself and told me she was praying and all this things that made me feel like I should do the same for her. I know I broke the NC rule, and that I have to start over, but honestly I feel like I made a lot of progress for only being 3 days. I don't know how to use what she told me to my advantage, because now I know she felt attracted to me but I don't know if she'll feel it again, if its going to make her like me again, if its going to make her stop liking the other guy... all I know is that I'm back on NC and that I need some advice.
Please enlighten me Kevin. I appreciate your time and dedication to help others.
Hey Kevin,
We had a conflict two nights ago when we bumped into each other at a night club and she felt really uncomfortable because she was with the other guy and a group from school. She said she saw me and she got pissed then she called me and i didn't pick up, sent me a message saying "so you're at this place *thumbs up*" and she left but then apparently came back because I told her I wasn't there(which I wasn't). A few minutes later I went back to the club and she was there, I poked her and she was really surprised to see me. We argued because I wanted to talk to her and she didn't. She left with two of her friends, one being the guy she likes. I let her go but then she called me and we argued for another good 10 minutes. I know I made a mistake picking up the first time, I wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that. I honestly felt like I wanted to bash the guy's skull with a bottle of beer but its not worth it, and I don't even have a reason to, its not his fault. Then we had long text conversation... this is what I found interesting, in between all the being upset and talking about all the struggle she said: "you look good by the way..I never got to tell you between all the fighting and all, honestly I think I like you more with a beard than without it. You look somehow more mature. You're acting in some ways more maturely." - The morning after she said: "I honestly can't get over how good you looked last night. There was something different about yo, I don't know what it was. You're acting like the Chris I used to know, not the one that has been around for months now."--I asked her if she likes that and she said: "Honestly? I find it really attractive."
I don't know if I did wrong in asking her or even talking to her and explain how I've been feeling and changing, because she did the same, she opened herself and told me she was praying and all this things that made me feel like I should do the same for her. I know I broke the NC rule, and that I have to start over, but honestly I feel like I made a lot of progress for only being 3 days. I don't know how to use what she told me to my advantage, because now I know she felt attracted to me but I don't know if she'll feel it again, if its going to make her like me again, if its going to make her stop liking the other guy... all I know is that I'm back on NC and that I need some advice.
Please enlighten me Kevin. I appreciate your time and dedication to help others.
I told her and she said: "That's understandable, I will give you your space. Thank you for telling me." I'm not so worried about her ending up in a relationship with the other guy cause from what I have heard hes not the type of guy who wants a serious relationship with anyone, he is a younger guy, very outgoing, not a competitor in looks, and they see each other at college everyday. And from what she told me she just likes him shes not in love neither loves him and the guy doesn't know any of this(from what I know). But like you said, there is a chance. So I'm just left with hoping she doesn't do anything that will kill my chances by the time I figure myself out.
Thank you for replying, I appreciate your attention.
I told her and she said: "That's understandable, I will give you your space. Thank you for telling me." I'm not so worried about her ending up in a relationship with the other guy cause from what I have heard hes not the type of guy who wants a serious relationship with anyone, he is a younger guy, very outgoing, not a competitor in looks, and they see each other at college everyday. And from what she told me she just likes him shes not in love neither loves him and the guy doesn't know any of this(from what I know). But like you said, there is a chance. So I'm just left with hoping she doesn't do anything that will kill my chances by the time I figure myself out.
Thank you for replying, I appreciate your attention.
Hey Chris,
I think it'll be a better idea to just tell her that you need some space and time and you'll contact her when you think you are in a better position. It will keep her from contacting you and you can concentrate on yourself during the no contact period. There's a chance that she might start a relationship with that new guy during that time, but then again, she might do that anyways. So, IMO that's a risk worth taking.
I only have one question for the no contact... I know its pretty cut and dry but the thing is that I am pregnant and will soon be having a baby. After my ex and I broke up in October because he doesnt think the baby is his and drama from outsiders wanting to put in their two cents, he and I still remain in contact as friends even though I still have feelings for him. Right now he is becoming increasingly more distant closer the due date for the baby to be born. Since I followed my instinct and didn't do no contact to begin with, I want to try it now. However, he wants to see the baby once he is born and in order to do that I will need to contact him. Should I stop contacting him until the baby is born and just let him know. I really want us to get back together because I feel that this was a silly break up to begin with.
Yes, just contact him when the baby is born and when you see him try to keep the conversation short and only about the baby. All the best.
Yes, just contact him when the baby is born and when you see him try to keep the conversation short and only about the baby. All the best.
My boyfriend broke up with me last week because he said he was unhappy. Me and my boyfriend are coworkers and our job required us to work closely with each other . We dated for 1.5 years and during the last month he would began to get extremely upset if I talk to the one male coworker. I had nothing for this other guy but he forbid me to talk to him and when I would he would not talk to be for days or even break up with me. We were always up and down because I felt as though he was trying to control me although he claims was being "protective". Finally we broke up for good after valentines day and he idemiately start talking to another coworker within a week. I'm miserable because now I have to see him and her at work everyday. I can't apply the no contact rule when we work together. Must of the time he just ignores me and acts like I'm not there and it hurts me. He told my best friend that he didn't love me anymore. The first three days I begged and pleaded for him to take me back but he said it was over and he couldn't continue to do this for me because he was unhappy. And when I found out he was talking to our coworker I called and asked how he could just talk to someone and get over me so fast and he said because it was his desicion and he had been unhappy for awhile. He said he didn't feel loved or appreciated in our realtionship because I wouldn't change for him meaning talking to this coworker . I still love him and want him back but everyone at work is in his head and he's talking to someone. What do I do I'm in a hostile situtation? I talked to my boss about transferring to a different store but does that mean she wins?
No that does not mean she wins. In fact, I think she is the loser because she is in a relationship with someone who will probably want to control her every action and is very selfish. It will be great if you can transfer to a different store. Once you can start applying no contact, you will start feeling much better and you'll realize that you are better off without him.
No that does not mean she wins. In fact, I think she is the loser because she is in a relationship with someone who will probably want to control her every action and is very selfish. It will be great if you can transfer to a different store. Once you can start applying no contact, you will start feeling much better and you'll realize that you are better off without him.
Hi Kevin,
So another major breakthrough. After I followed your plan, it failed and she told me that she was intent on never getting back together with me. You advised me to wait another two months and try contacting her again, after which you said that if she still has the same attitude, that I should move on. I then sent her an email a week later apologising for contacting her and again affirming that the breakup was for the best.
However, in her response, she said this:
"Hi. No worries, we've been through this so many times- I just don't want anymore drama. Listen, when you're in Sydney next we can catch up and talk face to face if you think that would help you move on."
In a follow up email 3 minutes later:
"Although I'm not sure it's a good idea".
If I continue NC, I may lose the opportunity to meet her because she's so intent on moving on. So do I see her? And should I just play it cool during the meeting, without talking about the relationship and try to build attraction again? I have a feeling the attraction is still there - she ended things because the relationship was stressful (distance) and she thought we were not compatible (ludicrous).
So how must one play their cards right in this situation?
Hey George,
I think it'll be better to not meet her. She is thinking of the meeting as some sort of closure for you. Which is not what you want. If it's possible, meet her after 2 months. If you've made a lot of changes during that two months, you'll have a better chance of re-igniting the attraction.
Hey George,
I think it'll be better to not meet her. She is thinking of the meeting as some sort of closure for you. Which is not what you want. If it's possible, meet her after 2 months. If you've made a lot of changes during that two months, you'll have a better chance of re-igniting the attraction.
Hello!
My boyfriend of 9 months recently broke up with me. He did the motion of what I could not do, which was break up with him when the ball was on my court. Recently, I did a job interview that was located on his side of town. After the interview was over, I knew he usually ends work at 5pm, which was the time I finished. I asked what he was up to after work to see if I could see him, but could not because he had a busy schedule afterwards. I got bummed, but got over it immediately because I came home with gifts that we ordered online. The next day I had to go to that side of town again for another interview, I finished around lunch time. I did a test for myself and asked if he wanted to do lunch together, he said yes. I drove over to his work and we had lunch together. Then later that day, I had to ask if he can bring his camera over for my parents' party the day after.
My consistent asking all clicked. I realized the relationship moved and lived as long as it did because I constantly initiated the topics and questions. He never could because of his busy work schedule and his budding business. Therefore, he decided to end it because he believed that he didn't deserve my love, care, and affection. And he was not willing to make the change immediately to become a better caring boyfriend since he is currently so career driven.
I do not resent his actions because our break up was really clean and incredibly considerate. It still hurts because of the fact that I invested so much into this. Also, he left room for the possibility when he said "This will not be the last time we see each other." This line kills me. It gives me wishful thinking believing he'll resume this relationship somewhere down the road, but he does not know when.
Usually after a break up, I find it easier to hate all my exes because each situation had its reasons to source the hate fuel. With this one, I can't hate anything about it because there were no hard feelings against us and he means well for my well being and success, which all makes it hard for me to move on.
With both him saying that this will not be the last time for us to see each other and a clean break up, what do I do to move on? The no-contact rule applies correct? And what else can I do?
Yes, no contact rule applies. The best thing you can do is make some positive changes in your life. And you don't have to have a reason to hate him to move on. Just accept that you both were not suitable for each other at this point in life.
Yes, no contact rule applies. The best thing you can do is make some positive changes in your life. And you don't have to have a reason to hate him to move on. Just accept that you both were not suitable for each other at this point in life.
Hi Kevin some great tips. I just came across your site but I think I had been inadvertently doing some of them anyway (although I may have kept No contact for too long)
We were only together 7 months. Things were difficult as I was coming to the end of my master's degree and struggling to find a job. She was just going into her final year and all the stresses that brings along with pressure from her parents. Her dad was also re-diagnosed with cancer which added to her stresses. Eventually we had a chat and I thought it fair to explain my situation and that I was having to expand my job hunt to further afield (more opportunities elsewhere). She cried that I might have to leave (first time I saw her cry). I said not to worry as I'd try to stay and even if I did go I'd try to make it work with her. Next day she calls me and asks if she can come over and talk. She comes over and says she's been thinking overnight and finishes with me saying that she can't do an LDR right now. I told her that I'm still trying to stay local if I can, but she says it doesn't matter as she can't deal with the uncertainty as it would make her lose focus. She kissed me and left in tears.
This was September 2013.
For the first week we had light (but slightly strained) conversation. Then I focused on the job hunt for a week and didn't contact. Then I got a job that meant I could stay locally and I messaged her to say I had news. She didn't reply. I messaged her again a couple of days later and still no reply so I took the hint. I kept no contact after that firstly because I wanted to respect her wishes and secondly so I could move on with my life.
At first it worked. I really got stuck into my new job and got a promotion, joined sports clubs and made some new friends and dated new girls. Then after a (actually not too bad) date with someone else in early December she popped back into my head and I realised that I really missed her but still decided not to do anything as I still wanted to respect her wishes.
I finally gave in at Christmas and messaged her just to wish her a merry Christmas. Surprisingly she messaged me back to say thanks and that she hoped all was well with me too.
I then had a very busy January and it was February before I messaged again. I just asked how she was getting on and surprisingly she replied again so I called her a few days later. We were chatting like the 4 month gap hadn't happened. She apologised for not being in touch and said she was all over the place at the moment so much so that she had even forgotten to go meet her sister at the weekend. I suggested we grab a coffee after I finished work. She said that'd be nice.
On the day though she text me to say she had forgotten that she already made plans to study with some friends that evening and she couldn't make it. I text her saying not to worry and we could re-schedule.(Thursday)
Then at work I came across a paper that I thought would be useful for her studies so I emailed it to her on Sunday.
I've not heard anything from her since then, so about a week.
My question is how do I keep this moving forward. I am trying to balance being persistent with being annoying. I'm not sure where the line is but I don't want to give up just yet. Any advice?
It's quite possible that she is really busy with her life and doesn't have time to reply to you. Try contacting her next week.
It's quite possible that she is really busy with her life and doesn't have time to reply to you. Try contacting her next week.
Hi Kevin, great site. Thank you!
Im panicked by something I just did a few hours ago to make my ex jealous to win em back. Ex broke up with me a month ago. Its my birthday today and i fb posted picture of red roses a family member gave me but labeled it "birthday flowers" I knew it would make my ex think a guy gave them to me and i was moving on. Before I could remove the post...within minutes.. my ex deactivated their fb account.
1Q:Did i push too far and lose my chance to win em back? Or could this be to my benefit? I almost immediatly changed the heading to "flowers from family"
PART 2: Break up had to do in part with me being needy. Aside from above moment of weakness I've been healing and growing with therapy and counseling and doing better than ever . I texted Ex a few times with nothing personal since break up(Before reading this 30 day rule unfortunately). Saw them in their truck in parking lot recently and they drove off when they saw me.
Q2: Do you think my chances are good or bad with getting back together?
Q3: Its been a week since any texting but 30 days since break up. Do you recommend I wait longer to communicate since I have already texted? or head into the communicating part?
Thank you for any comments! I am very lost with all this as this is my first love and do need help with good communication.
1. Don't think too much about it. It could be both good or bad. But it doesn't really matter now since it's already done. I think he will eventually see the new heading.
2. I think you a decent chance of getting back if you work on your neediness (which you are doing). The changes you make during the no contact help a great deal when it's finished.
3. I recommend start no contact from the day you last contacted him.
1. Don't think too much about it. It could be both good or bad. But it doesn't really matter now since it's already done. I think he will eventually see the new heading.
2. I think you a decent chance of getting back if you work on your neediness (which you are doing). The changes you make during the no contact help a great deal when it's finished.
3. I recommend start no contact from the day you last contacted him.
Hey kevin ,
Today we talked and I made her remember the day we first met and how we met and talked about all the stuff
She acted like she didn't seem to care about it and when I thanked her for everything she said let's change the topic
I did change the topic and talked about a puppy how to feed him and stuff and we talked about it
I asked wt she was doing and she said she wants to hit someone with a rock
I said ok and she asked wt about u
I said I'm in bed and exhausted she said ok goodnight
I said not going to sleep but if u don't wanna talk its ok
She said she doesn't care and I said ok goodnight
she said I will only after I teach that a guy a lesson
I asked wt he did and she told me about it and I just told her to ignore him and she said that's wt I'm doing and Said I'm going to sleep ill ttyl
So did the conversation went ok ??
Wt wud be going on in her mind help me
Quick reply will be thankful
Hey Kevin. Well I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago and he recently started dating a new girl. I was with him for 3 years, how did he forget about me so quickly. He started dating someone too soon. He seems to be all moved on and i am still here waiting for him, not even 1% moved on. I am trying the no contact rule today. He has been messaging me lately saying hey and stuff so next time he does, i wont answer. I still have hope that his relationship is just a rebound and he realizes he misses me after this no contact time. I am scared though, because what if while the no contact, he forgets about me and moves on completely, 100% , or thinks that i dont want him anymore when i still do. What should i do? Help!
The relationship is probably a rebound. If you are concerned about what he will think of your no contact, then just tell him beforehand that you need some time and space and you don't want to be in contact with him for a while.
The relationship is probably a rebound. If you are concerned about what he will think of your no contact, then just tell him beforehand that you need some time and space and you don't want to be in contact with him for a while.
My girlfriend and I were together for a year. We planned on getting married whithin a year, her idea. we are best friends and neither of us has ever felt no where near as strongly for anyone as we do each other. The relationship was pure bliss for the most part. The only problem is my jealousy and paranoia at times. I break up with her because of it. I was pretty ugly while She begged me to reconsider for a week. I finally blocked her.
I took 3 months to re evaluate, and realized I should have trusted her. So I started talking to her again and wanted to take my time (but failed to really bring it up) and we ended up kinda rushing into everything. I wanted to take things slow while I continue to work on myself. Not long after talking again I ended up getting angry over a misunderstanding and hurt her feelings. She immediately cleared it up and I haven't said one mean thing since. She still said she couldn't keep doin this and wanted to be friends. I was pretty whimpy for a few days. Then I stopped all contact. She blew my phone up again until I told her I needed space and would contact her when I'm ready.
I still want to win her back. Where should I go from here?
Well, this time when you contact her, make it clear that you want to take things slow. If possible, go for couples counseling, it will probably help you have a better understanding of your feelings and your relationship.
Well, this time when you contact her, make it clear that you want to take things slow. If possible, go for couples counseling, it will probably help you have a better understanding of your feelings and your relationship.
My ex was married for 20 years (unhappily the last 3 or 4). We met about a month after he separated and began dating two or three times a week for a year. As we got close to the year anniversary, I told him I loved him...not in a serious way but while we were having a conversation ("You know I love you"). He explained that he cared a lot about me and he wanted to make me happy, but he wasn't sure if his feelings were as strong as mine. The terrible part is he said he wasn't sure if he would ever get there. It wasn't long before he started pulling away and the dates became more infrequent. We both have kids in high school and careers but didn't spend a lot of time with each others kids, which was great for both of us. We truly got along great, rarely fought and had so much in common. We had great chemistry, too! He was always really attentive to me and thoughtful. It wasn't until we got near the year mark that he began to squirm. He sort of ended it but now that I look back it was kind of me who broke it off because he said he wanted to be less serious and have freedom to talk to (or date) other women without feeling guilty. I didn't want to go in reverse so I knew it wouldn't work for me to have him date other women. I am starting to date again, it's been a few weeks since we split, but there's a little voice inside that keeps telling me to try to get back with him.
Am I wasting my time? Should I just forget about him or is it possible that he may date other women and come back? If he isn't sure that he loves me after a year, will he ever love me? Your advice is appreciated.
Hey,
Yes, there's a chance that he may date other women and come back. But there's nothing you can do that will make him want to come back. It's a hope but it's the type of hope that will only stop you from moving on. I think you should try to move on. If he realizes he made a mistake, he will come back. If he doesn't then it means he will never love you.
Hey,
Yes, there's a chance that he may date other women and come back. But there's nothing you can do that will make him want to come back. It's a hope but it's the type of hope that will only stop you from moving on. I think you should try to move on. If he realizes he made a mistake, he will come back. If he doesn't then it means he will never love you.
I was in a relationship with this guy for 8 months. We had started off as friends turned best friends turned boyfriend/girlfriend. I got into a huge argument with him two days ago about me not living my life for myself, and instead living my life for him. He blocked all contact with me, as I had done the worst things possible (i.e. calling, texting, messaging). I emailed to ask him to talk to me just once, and he replied, "In a week, or longer - I think we both need to breathe and let go." I know without a doubt he cares about me and loves me. The only reason as to why he is pushing me away is because he wants me to live my life for myself. Do I still have a chance? I am scared of him turning indifferent towards me.
I came across your article, and I found it to be encouraging, and I know there are no promises of us ever getting back together again. But now, I really want to get my life together and fix myself for myself. I tried applying for the step 5 e-series but the link doesn't work for some reason.
Hey Theresa,
Yes you do have a chance. Just apply no contact and then follow the advise in the article. You can subscribe to the 5 step series on this page.
Hey Theresa,
Yes you do have a chance. Just apply no contact and then follow the advise in the article. You can subscribe to the 5 step series on this page.
I met my boyfriend online about a month ago and we have not met yet. However we have talked almost everyday for hours and we have some much in common. His opened up to me about things that people would not open up with for a while. He has been divorced for a year now and he has a child with his ex. Recently we had a fight because he thought I had a jealous tent rime. He originally wanted to go brush his teeth and told me he would call me back in 15 minutes but instead an 2 hours went by and I decided to text him. I admit my text message was terrible and I accused him of cheating. He reacted by telling me he was not the man for me and that he wished me the best. I started to realize that I may have been wrong and felt really bad about it. I tried calling him but he would not answer his phone. I also tried texting him and he just really responded negatively. I miss our everyday talks and I am feeling like I will never hear from him again. I don't understand how he can tell me that he is falling in love with me and can't wait to meet me one minute and then within 5 minutes end everything over and flush all the good we have built down the drain. What ever happened to forgiveness. I feel betrayed because his made mistakes too that I have looked over and forgiven him for. I feel like he never really meant all those things he told me over the phone about caring for me. Not sure if he will ever text or call but should I apply the no contact rule? Advise please.
Thanks,
Hey Zoey,
Most men tend to back away from emotionally investing in a relationship if they see an early sign of neediness (or too much drama). I suppose he already went through a lot because of the divorce and right now he is a little apprehensive about getting into a serious relationship. I think you should apply no contact for a while and then send him an apology letter as mentioned in this article. If he still doesn't reply, then I'll recommend you move on.
Hey Zoey,
Most men tend to back away from emotionally investing in a relationship if they see an early sign of neediness (or too much drama). I suppose he already went through a lot because of the divorce and right now he is a little apprehensive about getting into a serious relationship. I think you should apply no contact for a while and then send him an apology letter as mentioned in this article. If he still doesn't reply, then I'll recommend you move on.
First of all sorry about my bad english...i have a girlfriend for Almost 2 years,but the attraction has gone and she left me hopeless.a lot of quarrels and stuff like this.i get drunk before and after but i had read you article AND CHANGED MY LIFE.i had followed your rules.First of all i had quit drinking after a week and i met her today after 2 weeks and a half!i dressed like a real man i used the perfume she liked when i meet her for the first time and i had acting like nothing was wrong!i created that attraction and she falled in love with me again.what should i do next????to treat her again like a stranger or say to her how much i missed her.i must say i went to hospital but she doesn.t know.it,s a good ideea to tell her that?i don.t wanna be a needy person.i hope GOD will give you a long and happy life, you helped me so much Kevin.i love her too much and if she will leave me again i.m hopeless.please Kevin give me an advice of what to do next.(i had quit drinking) but she want to be the boss and lead me!to be rude or nice i don.t know how to act,i.m afraid if i will be nice she will play me.please give me an advice,and i hope LORD will give you a wonderful life.i,m waiting your answer.regards anonymous...
Hey Dany,
Great work on turning your life around. I am glad my article helped. If she is already attracted to you, then you just need to continue doing what you've been doing. Don't talk about going to the hospital right now. Just keep the conversation positive and be confident. You have to learn to lead her. Go out with her again. Have fun again. Keep going out on dates with her and keep having fun. When you think the time is right, ask her to be your girlfriend again. All the best.
Hey Dany,
Great work on turning your life around. I am glad my article helped. If she is already attracted to you, then you just need to continue doing what you've been doing. Don't talk about going to the hospital right now. Just keep the conversation positive and be confident. You have to learn to lead her. Go out with her again. Have fun again. Keep going out on dates with her and keep having fun. When you think the time is right, ask her to be your girlfriend again. All the best.
Hi Kevin, first of all, English is my second language so hopefully you understand what I try to express. I'd like to thank you for all your recommends cause they're greatly back me up a lot through my miserable time.
My girlfriend of 4 years recently broke up with me said a week until now, I and her used to live together for 3 years when we were studying oversea and when we came back to our country, we usually hang out with each other at weekends so I can tell we had great time together until the broke up happened. We even considered married this year :(. The main reason of our broke up is she said I controlled her too much, I did not give her any time and space of her own, worst thing is she thinks that I may kill her if unfortunately she does some mistakes with our relationship...of course I definitely never ever can do that. Now she said she's so scare of me and she's seriously 100% want to end our relationship. Don't wanna receive any mails, text, calls etc.
I will try to use the no contact rules of yours starts next week but I definitely hope to win her back as i believe she's my soul mate, real one..
Do you think there's still hope for us? Please give me some advises as I am sincerely appreciated.
Yes, there's hope. Just give her time and if you believe she is right about you being controlling, then work on your issues during the no contact period. All the best.
Yes, there's hope. Just give her time and if you believe she is right about you being controlling, then work on your issues during the no contact period. All the best.
The No Contact Rule I just initiated yesterday afternoon after his last text of "You will hear from me soon …" We've known each other for months, but only a few weeks ago did we go on a date. We've been on two since then. He asked me to give him time to sort out his work and his father is ill. I said ok. I also told him that the one thing that sets me off is if he ignored me for no reason, which ended up happening. I did not handle it well, neither did he. Words were said and now he has told me he is not ready for a relationship at the moment and that he has a lot of things to sort out and has a lot on his plate and that's all he can offer right now … I told I understood which I always did … Anyway, he did tell me the last date we had he sees a future with me. I absolutely see one with him. The thing he got upset with was that i didn't leave him alone when he asked me to. Now I am. And I have.
Because we have only been on 2 dates, I am wondering if this will even work? He hasn't said he wants to be friends only and he did say he will speak soon. I trust that we will. I trust his word because everything up to this little spat has happened how he said. We haven't been intimate together other then kissing and hand holding. I won't jump in quickly.
Regardless of whether we decide to be together or not I am committed to the NC Rule, if nothing else I will be cleared in mind and body. And right now, this is about me, not anyone else. I know I made a mistake and I apologised for my reactions. People makes mistakes and no one is perfect. I see real potential with us because when we are together we have LOTS of fun and have loads in common. I am just wondering if I am wasting my time????
Thanks in advance for your response …
Hey Sage,
You say you see a future with him. If he is not willing to let go of a small mistake, then you are better off without him. I guess if he also sees a future with you, he will not let this stand in the way. NC will be beneficial for you right now. Usually, if the relationship is short, I recommend a NC period of two weeks. So in case you want to contact him, you can do so after two weeks.
Hey Sage,
You say you see a future with him. If he is not willing to let go of a small mistake, then you are better off without him. I guess if he also sees a future with you, he will not let this stand in the way. NC will be beneficial for you right now. Usually, if the relationship is short, I recommend a NC period of two weeks. So in case you want to contact him, you can do so after two weeks.
Hi Kevin my fiance and i broke up last night but since i have nowhere to go he's letting me stay till i get on my feet. How can i make him want me back if I'm still here?
Apply limited contact. Only talk to him if it's absolutely necessary and don't talk about anything personal.
Apply limited contact. Only talk to him if it's absolutely necessary and don't talk about anything personal.
Hi Kevin,
I met this guy on a dating site and we only met once in person after we exchanged few text messages and calls but we talked through text from time to time. We clicked so well and he seemed serious about our relationship, very interested and genuinely wanted me. We clicked so well and connected. We planned to meet a few more times but it never happened and here is apparently why. The problem is that I went back online one time to check an info on his profile - to which he happened to be online too - and he assumed I was online to talk or meet other guys and said I was not honest to which I understand seeing it from his perspective though it is not true. I tried to explain and all but he wouldn't listen, he blocked me (though he was online too) and refuses to talk to me or anything at all. He just wants it over. I want to let you know that after we met I never went online. In addition, when I checked his profile I was surprised to find him online and he would check my profile back - knowingly, which to me was something that made me think first why is he online but also then he knew that that was me. Apparently he was there watching me and thought I was just going online. I mean how stupid can I be to put myself in trouble if I knew this was him and my intention wasn't serious. So anyway, after sending him all these messages and emails trying to explain and him not responding, I stopped contacting him for 3 weeks almost a month (perhaps he'd cool down) and then after 3 weeks had passed I sent a message followed by other messages but no reply still. Now I have just stopped contacting him all together it's been a week now and I wonder if he will still come back, is still interested, or still wants me.
Hey Hana,
He has trust issues and is probably lying about being online for checking you. I think he was online for himself. I think the guy is controlling and is going to be like this for the entire relationship. Instead of asking "will he come back", you should be asking "Do I want someone like this?" You've not invested too much time on him. Keep it that way.
Hey Hana,
He has trust issues and is probably lying about being online for checking you. I think he was online for himself. I think the guy is controlling and is going to be like this for the entire relationship. Instead of asking "will he come back", you should be asking "Do I want someone like this?" You've not invested too much time on him. Keep it that way.
Hi
Im from india.
my boyfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me three months ago. we had a long distance relationship but always made it a point to meet each other every 3 months. but i came home for good after i finished college
like every relationship we did have are ups and downs but we were both very much in-love and was my best friend
i was shattered when we broke up but it wasnt like i didnt see the signs
few months ago he said that we weren't allowed to have anything physical as he promised god to keep the relationship holly ( i found it very weird ) but some how i respected it and obeyed it
then he said he wanted to quit weed which i was thrilled and stood besides him and supported him.
then he said he wanted to focus on his career and i was completely behind him 110% even flew down to be with him..
later onwards i felt like he started to appreciate me less and take me for granted. i was so lost that i went on to do my masters. his 30 with no job and lives with his parents.. i literally DID everything and in the end he told me that im not what his looking for and said he need to focus on his career which i totally support. how can i be selfish with that when for 2 years iv been trying to make him understand that so i let him go i was happy and sad.. but iv notice his doing the same thing smoking up and chilling at home,.. yes a couple of times i did ask him to come back but he refused . so couple of weeks back i told him that im letting him go and relaized that he'll never love me the way i did. and said GOOD bye. he called me today. i didnt pick up. i really want him back and do believe in him. but how do i make him come back and also appreciate me
when iv finally learned to let go. he calls me. i dont wanna call him back to pin up his ego. i hate this mind games. lol so silly
pls help me what to do.
last summer
Hey,
Follow the 5 step plan. Continue no contact for a while. I have a feeling he will continue calling you even after the no contact period.
Hey,
Follow the 5 step plan. Continue no contact for a while. I have a feeling he will continue calling you even after the no contact period.
If your ex broke up with you because your relationship in the beginning with her was bad, BUT eventually you started to love her more and more (from cold hearted to warm hearted), the fact that she couldnt erase the past bad things youve done, she broke up with you. Do you think i still have a chance to get back with her? i mean, ive changed to become a better person during the relationship.
Yes, you do have a chance. But it depends entirely up to her if she can forget the past and look for the future.
Yes, you do have a chance. But it depends entirely up to her if she can forget the past and look for the future.
Kevin,
I have been going through a long term separation from my wife and also some issues with my kids (Son moving off to college, etc..). About 2 years ago I met a woman (who I work with) and we fell in love. I was honest at the beginning and told her that I was working on separating and she was very understanding, I kept running into issues with my kids, a few health problems for my ex so the separation kept getting pushed back. In December this woman told me she was running out of patience. At the time I was stressed and told her that maybe we should not see each other until I could finish the separation and that it was a risk that she would not be there when I was finished. She told me that she was going to date somebody else and she would make no promises or "give me hope".
Since then I have been working on the separation, I am moving into my own apartment etc. This woman I love has gone onto internet dating and is now seeing somebody. She has told me that I wasn't there for her when we were together and that she has now moved on and that her feelings for me have changed.
I am struggling because I still want a future with this woman because she was there for me during one of the most difficult years of my wife. It is also tough because I have to see her every day at the office. She does not want to tell me about her boyfriend because she "does not want to hurt me".
The NCR is tough since we have to talk about business and we still do accasionally talk about personal matters- my separation, she offers advice from her own divorce from 5 years ago, etc..
All I know is that she was the one for me and I want to make her and her children happy for the rest of their lives. How do I proceed?
Hey Clarke,
Tough situation. I guess the only thing you can do is wait it out. If her new relationship doesn't work out, you'll have a chance. If you can't apply no contact, you can still try making some positive changes in your life. Once you feel you are confident enough, start chatting more with her and building attraction. I think you can still reignite the spark in her.
Hey Clarke,
Tough situation. I guess the only thing you can do is wait it out. If her new relationship doesn't work out, you'll have a chance. If you can't apply no contact, you can still try making some positive changes in your life. Once you feel you are confident enough, start chatting more with her and building attraction. I think you can still reignite the spark in her.
Hey Kevin this made so much sense man I'll start using these asap your the man!
Thanks for your Senecca. I am glad the article helped.
Thanks for your Senecca. I am glad the article helped.
Hey Kevin,
I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half. He lived in my hometown for school for about 6 months of our relationship until he moved back home when his schooling was finished. We never used to fight at all when he lived here, but unfortunately after he moved home we started to fight. Not very often, but it would happen. I admit I was pretty needy when it came to talking to him and always complained he didn't talk to me enough. Last Tuesday he broke it off saying the distance was getting to be too hard on him and we both cried and he said he still loved me and that he would miss me. He said I was the first girl I ever loved and he wanted to be friends. I told him it would be too hard on me to be his friend and he said he understood and that he wouldn't contact me. Since then I have slipped up once or twice and texted him and he acted like a stranger when he answered me back. I almost sent him a lengthy text yesterday about how I loved him, needed him, and I was happier with him blah blah blah when I found your website. I deleted the text right away. Do you think I have a good chance at getting him back?
Hey Jaici,
Log distance relationships are a little difficult when it comes to reconciliation. But you still have a chance of getting back together. I think you should start by working on your neediness and making some positive changes in your life. You should follow the plan as is, the only difference is that instead of actually meeting, you'll have to skype.
He comes down to visit his friend that lives here sometimes so when the time is right And I have followed your steps I could ask if he wanted to go for coffee the next time he visits, is that okay ? Also if he doesn't text me during my no contact period, do you think that means he has moved on? And if he does text me do I not answer even if he can see that I read the text ?
He comes down to visit his friend that lives here sometimes so when the time is right And I have followed your steps I could ask if he wanted to go for coffee the next time he visits, is that okay ? Also if he doesn't text me during my no contact period, do you think that means he has moved on? And if he does text me do I not answer even if he can see that I read the text ?
He comes down to visit his friend that lives here sometimes so when the time is right And I have followed your steps I could ask if he wanted to go for coffee the next time he visits, is that okay ? Also if he doesn't text me during my no contact period, do you think that means he has moved on? And if he does text me do I not answer even if he can see that I read the text ?
Hey Jaici,
Log distance relationships are a little difficult when it comes to reconciliation. But you still have a chance of getting back together. I think you should start by working on your neediness and making some positive changes in your life. You should follow the plan as is, the only difference is that instead of actually meeting, you'll have to skype.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend of 7 years told me what she wanted to talk to me. She began the conversation telling me that she had prayed a lot about this before she had conjured up the courage to actually sit me down and tell me what she had to say. She started out by telling me that she loved me, and that she thought it would be a good idea if I moved out and found my own place. We have always lived in the house with her mother, and she said that even though she was afraid to leave her mother, that us living separately would really help the relationship. She told me that she felt our intimacy issues would get better (since we never could make love that wasn't rushed) and also the fact that life situations forced us to move in together early into the relationship, we never really had the chance to date, and really long for each other. She said she missed having the butterflies in her stomach when I would be coming around. She said she wanted to take some time apart, and clear her mind out and start this over with a new outlook. She was convinced that this would all be better for out relationship, and told me repeatedly she firmly believed it would draw us closer together in the long run. So, I moved out of her mothers house the following day.
A week passed, and I deleted my Facebook, only for the reason of reactivating it and playing it "cute" and re-adding her. Telling her I was new to this whole scene, and that I wanted to take her out on a date. (Pretending like I was a new guy) I wrote her the message 4 days before Valentines Day, and asked if I could take her out ON Valentines Day. She didn't reply. So I sent her a text 2 days after I sent the message on Facebook asking if she had read the message. Then, ... the bomb dropped. She told me that she got it, but didn't reply because she "Didn't Know". I asked her if we were still together ... she said she didn't know. She proceeded to tell me that all day everyday she has been thinking about the past seven years. About the things in the relationship that made her sad. (I am a recovering alcoholic, and I am assuming she is talking about the attitude I have had with her in the past) She said she didn't have anything in her head figured out. She said that it didn't make her feel ok knowing that "maybe" this isn't going to work out. She said that I was a great boyfriend, and that we shared a lot of memories and making a decision to keep that or not was not easy, and she knows its her fault but it didn't make it any easier, but my leaving was like a breath of fresh air and she didn't EVER think it would end up like this. (I have been her only REAL boyfriend. We were together since she was 16, and I was essentially her first EVERYTHING) She told me she wanted to figure everything out, and she wouldn't keep me waiting forever. So, I told her I would give her time to try and figure everything out. I sat dumbfounded because all that could play back in my mind was her talking about getting married a month prior, and telling me that "if she got pregnant it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world".
I had one single rose delivered the day of Valentines, with a card attached that said "I know your time is important, but I couldn't help but to think of you on Valentines day". She never said anything about it. I tried to talk to her as a friend one more time about a week later. She responded, but not to anything that had to do with us. Just things that were going on around the house, and her replies were very short. At this point, I let everything go for another week, when I asked if I could come over to the house to get my mail. That was something that HAD to be done, and she agreed.
When I showed up, I told her that I wanted to talk to her. I took complete responsibility for all the mistakes that I had made in the past, and told her that I was truly sorry. I made her the promise that everything would change if she would give me the opportunity to do so. I told her that I really wanted her to be a part of my life. I told her that I was in a A.A. program, I was looking at houses, I had joined the church, and I was adamant about changing the person I was so I wouldn't hurt her if she chose to come back. She was crying through 90% of the entire conversation. I asked her again (keep in mind that it has been 3 weeks out of the house at this time) if we were together. She still told me she didn't know. I asked her if she still loved me. She told me she has a lot of love for me, but was trying to figure out what kind of love it was. I comforted her by rubbing her back and telling her I wouldn't contact her. I was going to wait for her to get it together and contact me. I kissed her on the top of the head and I left.
It has now been a little over a week of COMPLETE no contact. I deleted my Facebook, and have not made one attempt to contact her at all whatsoever. Problem is, is I feel that I am being strung along. And, I am not understanding why she is playing the game this way. I can decide if her life caught up with her, and it scared her ... or what. Because, I have been talking about moving out for quite some time. And she is finally graduating from College and looking to extern into her new career. Or if she really feel out of love in a matter of a week. I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to give up, but I don't want to push her away. I am so confused, and lost, and hurt, and broken. I really need to get some answer. These "I don't know's" that she keeps throwing at me is torture. False hope, and leaves me on a emotional roller coaster. Please help.
Hey Don,
Sorry you are going through this. These "I don't knows" are in fact as much torture for her as they are for you. She doesn't want to lose you and she is not sure if she can be with you. She doesn't have the strength to let go of a seven year old relationship. The only thing you can do is give her more time. Give her a month or two. Hopefully, till that time she would have made up her mind about what she wants. You've already shown her that you are capable of change. So there's nothing else you can do right now.
Well, yesterday she told me it was over. She told me that she will always have love for me but she gave me to many chances to change and grow with her, and she never saw the change happen until it was to the extreme it had gotten to. I asked her to think of it like a new relationship and start over, and she said she would just be angry that it had to get to this point to see how bad I wanted the things she wanted all along. She said she was proud of what I was doing when I was on my own. She told me that she wasn't able to see the future, and she didn't know if our paths would cross again one day or not, but for now it's over. And that when I get my own permanent place all my stuff would be there for me to get. The only thing that puzzled me was she told her friend that she "won't go back to me". And I don't know if she meant now or forever. What do I do now? It already seems like there may be a male interest in her life. But after seven years, it's hard to imagine her completely ready to start a new relationship. I don't know where to go at this point. Should I peruse it? Or try to move on? Thanks for your help.
Hey Don,
I am sorry she came to this conclusion. I was hoping it wouldn't be so. Anyways, it's entirely your decision if you want to pursue her or not. I can't decide for you. However, if you do decide to pursue her, I'll suggest you just try it once and if it doesn't work, concentrate on moving on.
Hey Don,
I am sorry she came to this conclusion. I was hoping it wouldn't be so. Anyways, it's entirely your decision if you want to pursue her or not. I can't decide for you. However, if you do decide to pursue her, I'll suggest you just try it once and if it doesn't work, concentrate on moving on.
Hey Don,
I am sorry she came to this conclusion. I was hoping it wouldn't be so. Anyways, it's entirely your decision if you want to pursue her or not. I can't decide for you. However, if you do decide to pursue her, I'll suggest you just try it once and if it doesn't work, concentrate on moving on.
Hey Don,
I am sorry she came to this conclusion. I was hoping it wouldn't be so. Anyways, it's entirely your decision if you want to pursue her or not. I can't decide for you. However, if you do decide to pursue her, I'll suggest you just try it once and if it doesn't work, concentrate on moving on.
Well, yesterday she told me it was over. She told me that she will always have love for me but she gave me to many chances to change and grow with her, and she never saw the change happen until it was to the extreme it had gotten to. I asked her to think of it like a new relationship and start over, and she said she would just be angry that it had to get to this point to see how bad I wanted the things she wanted all along. She said she was proud of what I was doing when I was on my own. She told me that she wasn't able to see the future, and she didn't know if our paths would cross again one day or not, but for now it's over. And that when I get my own permanent place all my stuff would be there for me to get. The only thing that puzzled me was she told her friend that she "won't go back to me". And I don't know if she meant now or forever. What do I do now? It already seems like there may be a male interest in her life. But after seven years, it's hard to imagine her completely ready to start a new relationship. I don't know where to go at this point. Should I peruse it? Or try to move on? Thanks for your help.
Well, yesterday she told me it was over. She told me that she will always have love for me but she gave me to many chances to change and grow with her, and she never saw the change happen until it was to the extreme it had gotten to. I asked her to think of it like a new relationship and start over, and she said she would just be angry that it had to get to this point to see how bad I wanted the things she wanted all along. She said she was proud of what I was doing when I was on my own. She told me that she wasn't able to see the future, and she didn't know if our paths would cross again one day or not, but for now it's over. And that when I get my own permanent place all my stuff would be there for me to get. The only thing that puzzled me was she told her friend that she "won't go back to me". And I don't know if she meant now or forever. What do I do now? It already seems like there may be a male interest in her life. But after seven years, it's hard to imagine her completely ready to start a new relationship. I don't know where to go at this point. Should I peruse it? Or try to move on? Thanks for your help.
Hey Don,
Sorry you are going through this. These "I don't knows" are in fact as much torture for her as they are for you. She doesn't want to lose you and she is not sure if she can be with you. She doesn't have the strength to let go of a seven year old relationship. The only thing you can do is give her more time. Give her a month or two. Hopefully, till that time she would have made up her mind about what she wants. You've already shown her that you are capable of change. So there's nothing else you can do right now.
Hope you can help me with this, because I'd like to know if the NC rule is still applicable to my situation or it's already too late.
I dated this guy for 2 months, and during the first month I let him know I like him too by kissing him back. He was frank about not being comfortable with committing to a girl because of his responsibilities regarding his family (he's the breadwinner) and serving his community. Because of that, I told him I understand him because I also have responsibilities that take a lot of my time (being a breadwinner and a single mom) I can't have sex with him if he can't commit.
I let him do most of the work since I feel that I'm the girl and he shouldn't feel that I like him a lot. I do show him that I appreciate his efforts by thanking him, talking to him on the phone often (but I've never called him), and kissing him. We just one issue which is not having enough time to be together, and we're already lucky if we get to spend 2 hours of dating in a day.
But 2 months ago, we had the chance to meet at my place and we made out. I wasn't just comfortable doing that at my house and I told him that, because I wanted him to feel that my parents' house isn't really the best place to do it. He said before he left that we'll still see each other and exchange text messages. Yet I noticed something strange: he borrowed my laptop to do social networking stuff, checked on his photos and showed one to me, mentioning a female co-worker of his out of the blue. I didn't feel good about it but I didn't show him that I was that bothered.
I noticed that after that day of making out, he started disappearing little by little...no text the whole day, then the day after that he just sent me a text that he has a lot of problems. I told him to keep praying, since it was the third time that he told me he has a lot of problems and he didn't talk much about it when I asked him the first and second time. Days after that I got no texts and I found out later on that during that weekend that we were supposed to meet like always, he went on vacation with his colleagues (and that girl he talked about) and they, not the company, paid for it. It made me feel bad because he didn't tell me anything about the vacation, and he said money was a big problem to him that time during the first time I asked what his problem was.
When he came back from vacation, he didn't even explain why he didn't text me that long...he didn't even apologize. He instead started treating me differently and would just send me general good morning quotations. In person, he was already avoiding me, leaving me hanging. A few weeks after, he and his colleagues went on vacation again (he also paid for his share) and I saw their photos online that he was always beside that female colleague.
What made things worse for me is that I saw him, two his colleagues and the girl in our own hometown. He brought them over and showed them around. I was so curious if he already has a relationship with the girl, and I had the chance to catch them on a double date with the two other colleagues. I could tell with the look on their faces that they never expected me to see them on the spot, yet I didn't make a scene. I just stared at him and the girl and didn't make a scandal or confrontation. They can't stare back at me long enough, so I assumed they were guilty of making me look like a fool for a long time.
Since then, I never made an effort to contact him. He didn't contact me either, and I noticed that after the incident, he kept creating shout outs online that he's happy and in love (without referring to any girl in particular) and the girl would give comments that weren't too obvious that they're already an item.
What hurts me is that the female colleague is a bit older than me, not the type who has simple needs and wants (he would often say that what he wanted in a girl is simplicity since he's a simple guy), and is too convenient for him that I thought wouldn't be a challenge to him at all unlike me who he pursued for 5 months (I didn't like him at first so I would really ignore him). I just don't understand if my being a single mom was really an issue, since he told me from the start he accepts me for who I am (unless his family's totally against the idea), or he's just a pathetic flirt. Another is he can make time with her even on weekends, unlike with me before. Yeah sure, she can go out with him even during late nights because she doesn't have a kid and parents to take care of. I also made it clear to the guy on the first month that we were dating that I can spend time with him late at night only if he's already my boyfriend or we're with friends (if we're not yet a couple). I don't want him to think that I can easily be that comfortable around him and he just might take advantage.
I've been doing the NC with him for a week now, but within that period I accidentally bumped into him but I didn't expect him to show up in the area right then and there. I resisted the urge to stop walking and be approachable so I pretended to be talking to someone on my mobile phone and ignored him as I kept walking. As it happened, I noticed that he looked at me until I turned my back on me. Unlike the past few weeks, he didn't avoid me as I was going to where he was (since that was the only way I should take to go home) that's why he was able to look at me as I was "talking on the phone".
Should I still go on considering what happened to us? I want him back because not all guys are open to dating single moms and I've fallen in love with him. I've been through a lot of failed relationships in the past and I wanted him to be my last, that I'll end up with him in the near future. I think I would still be open to give him another chance if his reason of cheating was his family wanted him to dump me and look for another girl who doesn't have a kid.
Please help.
Hey Zel,
It's hard to say why he did what he did. If it's because of his family, then there's nothing you can do about it unless he decides to go against his family and be with you. If he just lost attraction, then this article is a good way to rebuild attraction with him. Regardless of his reasons, start no contact for a month.
Hey Zel,
It's hard to say why he did what he did. If it's because of his family, then there's nothing you can do about it unless he decides to go against his family and be with you. If he just lost attraction, then this article is a good way to rebuild attraction with him. Regardless of his reasons, start no contact for a month.
Hi Kevin, my ex and I broke up nearly 2 months ago. Previously I told you I've tried establishing the false friendship by reframing the breakup as though it was my idea. But I've tried texting him on light hearted matters like reminding him his nephew's birthday is coming up etc. All he replied was thanks which I replied no prob! because I wasn't sure how to continue the conversation when the reply was so.. neutral. With that said, I have been posting positive stuff on fb like what you've advised, and though he did comment on one particular one (which I felt really happy about), I realized he's beginning to remove fb tags of our couple photos on fb. Even after 2 months, he's still removing them instead of missing me. I was rather disappointed and ended up deleting them off fb as well. Do you think there's still hope in my situation? I believe I am doing enough positive changes to my life and am confident that I can be happy around him if we were to meet with mutual friends. But I'm afraid instead of second guessing whether he made a right decision to break up with me, he would find it happy to know I'm moving on so he can move on to find someone else too. What should I do?
I have evaluated the relationship time and again, and I just can't see a reason not to hold on to such a great guy and a great relationship that we once had. I know we can achieve a better relationship the second time around as long as we put down the past and just bring forward our happy moments, but what if he doesn't want to look back again because he thinks it's gonna be the same? Acting friends would cause him to walk away himself, showing that I still have feelings would push him away. Gosh! What do you advise? What should I do?
Hey,
Like I said in the article, there's always a chance that it might not work. And all these what if questions that you have are all legitimate. And the answer to all of them is "If it happens, then you move on as well". But I also believe that it's worth giving another shot and hopefully, things will work out when you will meet. Don't overthink the fact that he is removing his tags on facebook. It doesn't mean much. Perhaps he was just doing it to see your reaction. It doesn't necessarily mean he is moving on.
I think you should message him again after a few days. This time try to make it a more fun conversation. And if it goes well, ask him out a few days after that.
Hey,
Like I said in the article, there's always a chance that it might not work. And all these what if questions that you have are all legitimate. And the answer to all of them is "If it happens, then you move on as well". But I also believe that it's worth giving another shot and hopefully, things will work out when you will meet. Don't overthink the fact that he is removing his tags on facebook. It doesn't mean much. Perhaps he was just doing it to see your reaction. It doesn't necessarily mean he is moving on.
I think you should message him again after a few days. This time try to make it a more fun conversation. And if it goes well, ask him out a few days after that.
Hello,
My ex gf is hanging out with another man and she will soon do a holiday with him. She says she is not in love with him but in the same time she doesn't love me as before (we had 6 years relationship). now after having been extremely miserable I decided to start the NC rule.
How should I explain that i don't want to talk with her anymore? Is it better saying "Im not in love neither", "I want my space" or "I want to forget you"? what do you suggest?
Thank you very much
"I want my space".
this is the third time we break up, due to the long distance relationship and the fact we met at a very young age. the first time the NC last 1 month, the second 3 months. both times were my deciosion.
i want really to get back with her, should i still wait 30 days or more in this situation?
this is the third time we break up, due to the long distance relationship and the fact we met at a very young age. the first time the NC last 1 month, the second 3 months. both times were my deciosion.
i want really to get back with her, should i still wait 30 days or more in this situation?
this is the third time we break up, due to the long distance relationship and the fact we met at a very young age. the first time the NC last 1 month, the second 3 months. both times were my deciosion.
i want really to get back with her, should i still wait 30 days or more in this situation?
"I want my space".
No contact rule doesn't work in my case. So what can I do next ? We are separated for the last 11 months. My wife is hardened her heart towards me & our 3 children. Reconciliation seems impossible b/c of her stubborn nature.
Any advice please !!!
Try and win her back by showing how much you love her. With effort and LOTS of patience, she may see how much you do love her, and that may bring her back. But don't show any neediness/desperation. I hope that helps :)
Hey,
Sorry you are in this situation. In your case, my advise will be to concentrate your efforts in moving on. I know it sucks, but I am sure you and your children can still have a happy and fulfilling life without your wife.
hi kevin ive done no contact for over a month i sent my ex a txt message a few days ago not had a reply yet. do u think i should just move on
If you feel like you can move on, then you should definitely move on.
If you feel like you can move on, then you should definitely move on.
If you feel like you can move on, then you should definitely move on.
If you feel like you can move on, then you should definitely move on.
hi kevin ive done no contact for over a month i sent my ex a txt message a few days ago not had a reply yet. do u think i should just move on
hi kevin ive done no contact for over a month i sent my ex a txt message a few days ago not had a reply yet. do u think i should just move on
Try and win her back by showing how much you love her. With effort and LOTS of patience, she may see how much you do love her, and that may bring her back. But don't show any neediness/desperation. I hope that helps :)
Hey,
Sorry you are in this situation. In your case, my advise will be to concentrate your efforts in moving on. I know it sucks, but I am sure you and your children can still have a happy and fulfilling life without your wife.
I tried the no contact rule for 60 days. things were really goin on well for me. He did all he could to see me and all as he was desperate to know what I was doing that is far more important than talking to him.
right after he came to visit. It was late and he spent the night. We ended up making out and the next day things backfired and he started acting up as if I'm nothing and he started regretting what happened. dat was just last 2 weeks.
I just realised he is still interested with the girl he was in when we were together and pursuing her.
I'm confused. what do I do next as we are on the same college and class. do I start the whole no contact and the five steps all over again
Hey,
If you still want him back, yes you should start no contact all over again. This time, I'll recommend you start dating as well. I know it's a little hard, but you have to accept that he might never come back to you and eventually you might have to let him go.
Hey,
If you still want him back, yes you should start no contact all over again. This time, I'll recommend you start dating as well. I know it's a little hard, but you have to accept that he might never come back to you and eventually you might have to let him go.
Hi kevin. It will be 2 months next week that my ex of 3 years broke up with me. she said that the spark had gone that we was stuck in a routine n that she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. Weve been in real minimal contact to no contact since then.
First about 3 weeks in a sent her a letter excepting the break up and just saying i realise all of the things that went wrong etc n she sent me a text when she got it saying she hopes im okay and are having fun n that the letter did make her cry a little. i didnt reply to it... Afew days later she sent me a youtube link to this song with alot of sad lyrics in and i text her back asking why she sent it me and she said she sent it to the wrong person wich i thought was a lie by looking at the lyrics.. Then last wednesday she sent me a huge text saying that she had to text me because shes so excited because shes been offerd a place at a university and then went on to say ive been snooping on your instagram too (wich she removed me off after we brokeup not deleted just removed off friends) saying about me going to a certain nightclub. So i rang her up afew hours after i got it and we just talked n generally had a laugh on the phone just talking about things then i asked her if she fancied meeting up for a drink next week n she said maybe and laughed a little so i laughed n said maybe?? n she then said do you think itd be a good idea so i took your advice and gave her a little push and just said come on its just a drink i wont bite and she agreed to going for a drink not next week but the week after... is this good?? i was riding high until she said do you think its a good idea n that kinda put a downer on things. Then yesterday i put a picture on my instagram me at a snowboarding lesson (something ive never done before but always wanted too) and she liked the picture even tho shes not friends with me so she will have been on my snooping on me again??
I think you're doing good. Just be confident and have a fun time when you meet her.
I think you're doing good. Just be confident and have a fun time when you meet her.
Hi Kevin,
I was going over your page and was wondering if you can give me some advice or see where I stand.
My bf and I have been together for 2 years and 9 months. Since the moment we met we wanted to be together but developed a friendship before anything. After a while he asked me out. We took things slow and over time we fell in love with each other. He was always so compassionate and understood my worries and I understood his.
Everything was going smooth. We eventually got to meet each other's families and spent the holidays together, even New Years. We got to spend every weekend together and our brothers became the best of friends (they still are).
After a year, he saw how serious we were getting and asked if I accepted him as he is. I told him that I loved him as he is no matter what. He told me that he needed to tell me something very personal and he did. I told him that that didn't matter to me and I still loved him. Suddenly the idea of marrige came up. We were pretty young at the time however there were a lot of issues with our families and us. We both didn't have any jobs and had no car. We would have had to move in with either his parents or mine. He wanted to get married no matter what. I on the other hand was unsure if we would make it or not. I told my bf that we should wait a while and that broke his heart. Took him a few days to recover from that and I felt guilty but I wanted us to be financially secure and finish college too. After that he was fine.
As time went on we did more things together, he was my first bf, my first time, we once went to a camp together and slept together only to wake up next to each other the next day. We walked everywhere together, I went to his graduation and he went to mine. We never argued but we did have serious discussions whenever one of us were upset. In the 2 years and 9 months together we both matured gradually. I went from a shy and dependent girl to a independent and engaging woman. He was always an extrovert and is a sweet and funny guy and now he's still the same guy but now has a pathway. He would always tell me where he was and if he was with a girl, that it was only because they are classmates and would work on something with school.
Anyways last year in November after months of searching, I found a job that pays well but sacrifices the weekends where we would spend most of the time together. I sat him down and told him about this job, he understood. I was sure that as soon as I started working, he was missing me.
A month later he also found a good job but took up most of his time and any time we had together. But we would find ways to be together and each moment was wonderful.
Towards the beginning of February, he started acting odd whenever we did meet. He would just tell me that he would go to work at 3pm and get home at 11pm and study for classes after. I understood and gave him space to do his things.
He then started telling me that I shouldn't keep all my faith with him and that we are only dating. That if we are to meet anybody new we would talk about it and let each other know. I grew scared and thought he wanted to break up with me. He said that wasn't the case but if it then came down to it, we would need space. That's were I started to feel weird. I still loved him but I had a gut feeling that something was up.
Then it came. Two weeks ago, he texted me that we needed to talk. He picked me up and was driving me to work. He first tells me that he's going to need some space and that he wants us to be friends. I froze and my heart sank. I asked him if we could work something out or I could wait for him. He said he didn't want to make me wait if he didn't come back and I asked him "is this a break up? Are we breaking up?" And he said yes. I asked him why. He said that he still cares about me but he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me anymore. I asked what caused him to end it like this. He said that his feelings have been diminishing very slowly and thought about it long and hard and that he thought it was the best for us. I was devistated and I had no where to go so I broke down in his car and he cried too. I told him to just leave me at my job.
The next day I told him I needed to give back all the things he's given me like love letters, poems, every romantic thing he's ever given me. He agreed and I did. That day I asked him again if he was sure. He said yes. I asked him what he was going to do with all the letters and love notes. He told me he wants to keep them and not throw away. I asked him why. And he said it's a memory he wants to keep and it would be a waste if he threw away. After he got up to do something. He left his phone on his bed and i saw he received a text from a girl whom he's only mentioned that was a classmate. I thought the worst and thought that maybe she's the girl he's into now. I asked him about her and he said that she's interested in him but he just needs time and would only be a possibility of dating. I didn't cry in front of him or show any sign of grief. I just smiled and told him thanks for always making me happy.
Before leaving I asked him one final question, if in the future would he consider the relationship again. His response was only if we were both single.
After that day I haven't seen him. He's only texted me twice just to see how I'm doing. I told him I was fine. The conversation was kept short. I don't text him, he texts me. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today is particularly an okay day. I don't cry anymore but I get depressed from time to time.He still wants to be there for me and remain in contact with me. I'm giving myself space and trying to get over the broken heart procedure. My family and friends tell me to get over it and move on. I'm trying really hard to but I just have this small inch of hope that maybe we could be together someday.
My question to you is, if at all, is there any hope that we could get back together? Not now but maybe in the long run.
In the long run, yes there is a chance. But you should understand that in the long run, chances are always slim. Holding on to this hope will only keep you from committing fully into a new relationship. And personally, I don't think it's worth it.
In the long run, yes there is a chance. But you should understand that in the long run, chances are always slim. Holding on to this hope will only keep you from committing fully into a new relationship. And personally, I don't think it's worth it.
Great advice you have here! I am really going to take this to heart. I have a few things that maybe you can give me your input on..
I have been dating my boyfriend (now ex ..wahh) for seven years. We started dating when we were 14/15 years old and now we are 21/22. We have been there for each other through everything. We have taken 2 breaks during our relationship where I was the person that initiated both of them. But that was when we were kids and didn't know any better. He is now employed by the Canadian military and we got to live with each other last year. We moved out in December 2013 as he had to move onto base for his course in January. We have been totally fine. He gave me a promise ring at the beginning, I swear we were going to get married. Two weeks ago I got a phone call, he was telling me he felt numb and has been feeling it for a while. He told me he didn't want to look back at his life in 5 years and regret anything. Before I could get any more answers I accidentally hung up and he never answered again... I tried sending him a few texts and phone calls the day after and I got nothing. Now today (two weeks later) I got a text saying to send him my part of a bill we owed. I then told him I would and asked if we are going to speak anytime soon? He replied with "not likely soon but eventually" ... I didn't reply ..
What should I do ?! He is my bestfriend and a great person and I would love to continue our relationship but I have no answers as to why it ended.. Feeling number and not feeling the same are two very vague statements. Is he still in love with me?
Help!!
Hey Stacey,
It's very hard to say why he broke up. And I can't say if he is still in love with you or not. However, he definitely has feelings for you as you were special to him. I think the only thing you can do is wait for him to call you. If you try to call him and pursue him, it's only going to push him away.
Hey Stacey,
It's very hard to say why he broke up. And I can't say if he is still in love with you or not. However, he definitely has feelings for you as you were special to him. I think the only thing you can do is wait for him to call you. If you try to call him and pursue him, it's only going to push him away.
Hey Kevin,
My ex and I broke up a month ago, but I only really established no contact for a week and a half. But then, yesterday I messaged him to ask whether or not he still had feelings for his ex before me, because he said something on his Twitter about missing someone. I had a feeling he meant me, but at the same time I felt unsettled that maybe he left me because he still had feelings for his ex. I know that what I did was wrong, but I was able to confirm that he did miss me from time to time, and our conversation turned into one that lasted for hours. We talked about the past, and he told me to "not be a stranger" because I've been ignoring him. We even went as far as flirting a little, but I'm not sure whether or not he wants to get back together.
What should I do? Do I immediately go back to the NC for a month? Thank you so much.
If you had a good conversation, then I think you should continue with the momentum. Don't do no contact for another month. A week should be enough.
If you had a good conversation, then I think you should continue with the momentum. Don't do no contact for another month. A week should be enough.
Hi Kevin,
Great advice, clear and well written.
My girlfriend and I have had an up and down relationship for some time, we have a very strong physical attraction, but our cultures are different and she just expects me to know things without her telling me. We were deeply emotionally attached and wanted to marry but both had baggage to deal with (other partners). She is also a deeply emotional woman and as she says, experiences her emotions fully, so at times she can be sharp.
In her culture she is expected to keep everything together and provide and nuture her family, her parents and grand parents (she is 45) with complete stoic determination to meet all their requests. A few months ago three of her grand parents were diagnosed as terminal, but will take time to pass, combined with very difficult and needy parents, and she decided it was too much to deal with our relationship as I was too different and would never change.
We rekindled things briefly after she took her kids away for a holiday and as she says became unfrozen. Now she is back in the thick of the problems, is back being depressed and has pushed me away again and said she has decided I am too different, will never change and will never understand her. It was a very amiable break up and we promised to be each others biggest admirers (after some sharp words from her) and in her own indirect way she has since asked me for help on a couple of her family matters and I happily helped her. The last yesterday three weeks after we split on V Day.
I know her plan is to get through the family mess and as she says start afresh on a new page.
My friends have seen the emotional rollercoaster I have been on now and previously before the break up and say she is crazy and you are better off without her, but its up to you.
My thought is to send her a picture of a place we might like to go (say Hawaii or similar) or a funny picture joke say once a month or so and see what happens, or say Happy Birthday I hope the sad times are over in July for her birthday and then a picture email on the day we met in October and then again in late January another significant anniversary when she will be on sunny holiday again.
What do you think?
Ian
Hey,
I think the plan that you have is more geared towards being romantic rather than showing her that you are capable of change and understanding her. Although, I completely agree that it's hard to understand someone's culture if they are not willing to explain it. But since you want to get her back, regardless of her not accepting this fact, you will have to somehow show her that you understand her culture and her. And maybe you won't even have to do it if her family problems are resolved and she starts feeling better in her life.
That being said, I think your plan can also increase your chances of getting back together. So, I'd say go ahead with that.
Hey,
I think the plan that you have is more geared towards being romantic rather than showing her that you are capable of change and understanding her. Although, I completely agree that it's hard to understand someone's culture if they are not willing to explain it. But since you want to get her back, regardless of her not accepting this fact, you will have to somehow show her that you understand her culture and her. And maybe you won't even have to do it if her family problems are resolved and she starts feeling better in her life.
That being said, I think your plan can also increase your chances of getting back together. So, I'd say go ahead with that.
Hey Kev, I've been working out, going out a lot, had a haircut, and I feel so much better actually, my exboyfriend and I, we broke up a month and a half ago after a year and a half relationship that went pretty well, he broke up because he was feeling so much pressure about school and everything regarding the future and this was affecting the relationship. We stayed in touch the first weeks because we wanted to be friends, but then I realized I wanted him back; so I told him I needed space (to start with NC), he said "but I really want us to be friends" and I told him "i respect your decision but I need some time and space" He said "ok, I agree". Im in the NC for the second week, but the problem here is that he goes to collage where I go so I sometimes see him around (we don't speak and I try to disappear for him as much as possible), I'm always cool, smiley and happy when I know he's watching or is around. Will NC work even in this circumstances?
Yes Andrea, It will work. It will work even better if you make some positive changes in your life during NC.
Yes Andrea, It will work. It will work even better if you make some positive changes in your life during NC.
Hello.. my boyfriend and I were in a serious relationship for 4 years. Yes, serious but most of it were considered long distance relationship. we've been boyfriends since Jan 2010..then he had to move away (June 2010) for two years because he needs to serve in our church as a full-time missionary. We only got love letters, emails and few phone-calls for two years. He came home after 2 years (June 2012) and we end up together again. He promised to marry me...and eventually ask my parents to marry him. he even travel a very long way just to see my dad. then Oct. 2012 came and his family decided to send him far away for contractual work. It's in a private island..and more than 12 hours travel from here. We still have communication then....he promised to save money while he work so we could get married once I'm done with my schooling. He then supported me financially. We had intimate relationship...every time he has few days vacation. And then last month..yeah just last month during his vacation.. we had this big fight that i ended up punching and cursing him. he then decided that we need to go separate ways. then he went back to his work. I tried to call him text him etc... and he's pushing me away from him...saying hurtful words. We had an arrangement that he would keep the break up secret from our mutual friends and families. I even ask him to keep my picture as his cover photo on facebook just to save me from shame. I cried almost every night. I'm thankful to read you article.. i would try your No Contact Rule. Please help me... What do you think...is really going separate way or he'll be back to me? :'( tahnk you so much!
Hey,
I think he is just upset because of the fight and the way you acted. Whether or not he will be able to forgive you is entirely dependent on him. However, the only way you can help him forgive you is by giving him some time alone and no contact rule will help you in that way.
Hey,
I think he is just upset because of the fight and the way you acted. Whether or not he will be able to forgive you is entirely dependent on him. However, the only way you can help him forgive you is by giving him some time alone and no contact rule will help you in that way.
Hey Kevin, after reading your article, i have read many and i can see that you know your stuff. I feel like i can trust you, that you have the best solutions for each situation.
My story goes, if you dont mind helping me out.
I have been in a 6 year long relationship with my girlfriend, she lived with me at my parents during that time. I met her when she was 2 months into her pregnancy, and i chose to be with her despite that fact and we fell in love, we had a blissful 2 first years together, and then my parents being religious made us separate rooms, so her and my son had to share a room and i was alone, soon after that her and my intimacy dropped drastically because she felt guilty doing it under my parents roof, she didnt want to dis respect them. So, it would be about every 3 months we would do it, it gradually got there, but that was the average for 4 years, up until the day she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore, but was willing to stay and see what happens. The reason she fell out of love with me she said, which is all true, i dont deny any of it, was because i became addicted to the computer, at that two year mark i lost my job and fell into depression and used video games to cope with reality, and ended up neglecting the love of my life and my son. Over the 4 years, she started to fall out of love with me because i became un attractive in her eyes, weak and selfconcious. I was always negative and pessimistic and critical. I ended up feeling like she was looking for someone else, but she wasnt. She told me the reasons why she started to fall out of love, what she thought was the culprit, and it was because i wasnt taking care of myself i neglected myself, let alone my family. She saw me as strong and her knight in shining armor when we first met, and i tried to be that, but once i lost my job, i ended up becoming the opposite in her eyes. She became (independent mode) and decided she didnt need me, and wanted to prove that to herself because i haddent supported her for 4 years. She had two jobs and was in school, then got a new job and works from 6-5:30 while i sit at home wishing i had a job. I had social anxiety because of being selfconcious, im a skinny guy, but at a time i was still fit, now because of the computer ive lost that. my hair has thinned badly. ive lost all selfesteem.
so eventually i finally saw the truth of how she didnt love me, hiding her phone after texting someone, i felt a pit in my stomach and confronted her and she kept silent, i collapsed on the stairs as i went back up to take care of my son while he slept, and fell down balling my eyes out, dry heaving in heart ach, i thought i was litterally dying. i had a reality check and i finally saw how weak i was, and how un attractive i had become, it all hit me at once.
a few weeks later she moved out, i helped her settle in at her moms and even put up doors and a wall for her. trying to be supportive of her decision, and since that day of my life flashing before my eyes. i have become a new man, and have a new perspective on life, and goals. and have been taking action to better my self while shes gone. Im in school at NETTTs getting my cdl class b so i can get a job within the town or a waste management company who knows maybe a bus driver. and when i start making money i want to be able to support my son for the first time, and support my ex girlfriend as much as i can to help her out with my son, i started using rogaine, i started taking care of my self, when i get a job i will start going to the gym and weight train to gain weight back,i want to show her the change in me. i started texting her insecurly like most people do, bothering her at work of course, all that stuff, a few days ago i finally stopped and told her. "I finally realized this today, that me texting you is making things worse between us and thats the last thing i want to do, so i want to try a no contact deal with you so that you can have your space, but id still like to see my son once a week, so friday evenings ill contact you about him and thats is it". and she agreed to that. i dont know if what i am doing will save our relationship, but they are my family and i want them back so badly.
she said she cant promise how she will feel in a few months, and she said she isnt interested in a relationship with any other guys at all, she wants to focus on herself right now and her job and obviously our son. I just feel like, she will like being alone and independent away from me. I want to buy a house for my family i want to work everyday to support my family, i want to be happy and attractive and confident, i want to go to the gym as a new hobby, i want to change my attitude, and i know i need this for me, but i also want this, so i can have my family back.
I dont know what else i can do in the meantime, because im still in school, and i need my license to get a job because they need my license number for the applications. so itl take a few months to get there. I ask you, what would you suggest i do as a plan of action to start repairing this relationship? She loved me once, for two years and stuck by me during the bad, for 4 years, now shes had enough. Is that repairable if i change? Thank you for any help and advice.
Hey Andy,
First of all, I am proud of you for realizing your mistake and making the changes in your life. I think you still have a chance and if you follow through with your goals, your chances will increase dramatically. Even though right now she feels like she doesn't want to be with you, I think secretly she is hoping you will change and woo her back in your life. Yes, she might like being alone and independent, but it's not a bad thing. She might enjoy not being dependent on anyone for the first time in her life. Just because she doesn't need you, doesn't mean she will not want you. I will advise you don't try to force her to be a family again. You start things slowly. Start going out as a friend, then start dating her. Hopefully, things will work out for you.
Hey Andy,
First of all, I am proud of you for realizing your mistake and making the changes in your life. I think you still have a chance and if you follow through with your goals, your chances will increase dramatically. Even though right now she feels like she doesn't want to be with you, I think secretly she is hoping you will change and woo her back in your life. Yes, she might like being alone and independent, but it's not a bad thing. She might enjoy not being dependent on anyone for the first time in her life. Just because she doesn't need you, doesn't mean she will not want you. I will advise you don't try to force her to be a family again. You start things slowly. Start going out as a friend, then start dating her. Hopefully, things will work out for you.
Hi Kevin,
Just like the others I am also in pain right now. My online boyfriend just stop communicating me, I have sent him many emails and text asking the reason why. Of the so many messages that I have sent him, a one stanza is all I got from him, telling me that, "he just got a new job and had spent most of his time in it, and he said nothing has changed, only he can't be on line more often."
What is very painful is that, during our last talks via skype video cam, he stood up from his seat and left me without any notice at all. I know he was just watching me from behind, waiting for me to quit, which I eventually did, because he remain unseen. I'm sure he saw me crying, and was still able to left him a message before I turn off the cam and so my computer too with a lot of tears in my eyes.
I really feel humiliated and I don't know what to feel. It was the most embarrassing and wounding moment of my life, I feel slight, it was like a slapped across my face, this man not just stepping on my toes but on legs.
Above all I found out that, he was been on line everyday and been spending more time in skype and other dating sites. I could see him always on line. I love the guy so much and I feel so much pain knowing this all.
We have no formal break up, he just stop answering my mails and text too. What will I do? to ease the pain I felt inside and get over him, when for me it would gonna be a very painful process of letting him go. We have some online fights too and he usually beg myself to stay, but now it turns out in a different way. Does this mean he don't love me no more and has found someone new? Up to now, I've been patiently sending emails with no replies. What would be the best thing I would do. I can't afford to lose him, I just love him every seconds everyday of my life. Please help me understand.
Hey Emily,
I think you should stop sending him emails and apply no contact for at least 60 days. I know you feel like you love him but I highly doubt what you are feeling is love. I think what you are feeling is rejection and obsession. You need to use these 60 days to do new things in life and make a lot of positive changes. If possible, go on a few dates as well. If after 60 days, you still feel like you love him, contact him and see how he responds.
Hey Emily,
I think you should stop sending him emails and apply no contact for at least 60 days. I know you feel like you love him but I highly doubt what you are feeling is love. I think what you are feeling is rejection and obsession. You need to use these 60 days to do new things in life and make a lot of positive changes. If possible, go on a few dates as well. If after 60 days, you still feel like you love him, contact him and see how he responds.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I were together for about 8 months and were very happy most of them. We talked about marriage and a family like it was definitely going to happen. More than half way through our relationship he applied to med school in Dominica. I was completely supportive of this and we agreed that even if he went we would stay together and make it work. He talked about me moving there for the summers since I am off. One day we got into a little argument about me wanting a little more of his time...he became standoffish and a week later broke up with me saying that he can't live with the guilt of me waiting for him to start his career and He knows he can't give me everything I deserve right now. Does this sound legit or he just got over me some how?
Thanks!
It's hard to say if his reason is legit. You can never know if they are actually telling the truth. Especially in LDRs. It's very possible that he met someone and just used it as an excuse to break up.
It's hard to say if his reason is legit. You can never know if they are actually telling the truth. Especially in LDRs. It's very possible that he met someone and just used it as an excuse to break up.
Hey Kevin. I did the no contact for several months with my ex. She started talking to me out of the blue and we ended up doing lunch and going to the mall while she shopped. We hung out for hours catching up, laughing, and teasing. Things went well and we texted for a few days after. I did tell her that I had an amazing day and I did tell her she was beautiful and amazing. Well four days after she messages me that she just wants to be friends and that she is talking to someone else. I thought long and hard and texted her a huge wall of text explaining that I love her and I dont understand lets just be friends. A friend to me is someone you see consistently. She would never see me consistently if she is seeing another man. And its not fair to me to see this girl like pnce a month or something when I have very strong feelings for her. So I told her that and now she hasnt responded to even a simple text... did I do the right thing? I knew she was interested I could see it in her eyes but she isnt ready.. do I let go or is there a chance still?
I don't think you did the right thing. She as telling you she wanted to see someone else and you tried to stop her by professing your love to her. There is still a chance, but you will have to let her have this new relationship. You will have to wait till the relationship ends and then make your move. IMO, it'll be easier for you to concentrate your efforts in moving on.
I don't think you did the right thing. She as telling you she wanted to see someone else and you tried to stop her by professing your love to her. There is still a chance, but you will have to let her have this new relationship. You will have to wait till the relationship ends and then make your move. IMO, it'll be easier for you to concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Hi Kevin! My ex bf & I have just recently started texting each other again (last Wednesday I think) & our convos have been really positive BUT yesterday morning I woke up to two texts from his baby mother basically calling me names & to stay off his phone. The texts were sent from his phone around 4am. I don't know if he's with her or what's going on. If he is, it's most likely because she won't let him see his son unless he's with her. I'm working on slowly getting him back to me but now I don't know what to do! What do you think my next step should be? Should I act like she didn't text me? Should I continue texting him? Do I have a chance getting back with him?
Hey Marie,
Ask him if they are back together and if they are, leave him alone.
Hey Marie,
Ask him if they are back together and if they are, leave him alone.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of two years broke up with me 3 weeks ago, as he couldn't deal with the "pressures" of a relationship. We agreed to see each other in secret and continued to meet up in secret to spend time with each other, have sex etc. A few days ago a large group outing was had and we were both there, but didn't speak to each other much throughout the night. Someone told him and he "thought" he saw me kissing someone else, so got blind drunk and took someone back to his bed (I shared with him for two years) and had sex. She stayed over and they kissed and cuddled the next morning until she left.
Next day we met up for lunch and I explained I hadn't made out with anyone. He told me he had slept with this other girl and I am completely devastated. We have agreed to take the next six weeks with no contact and meet up again on a pre-arranged date to talk.
I'm heart broken and struggling, and an on day 3 of our 35 day no contact rule. Should I hope for a new start or walk away before I get hurt more?
If you think the relationship is worth it, then stay. However, I personally think that if he is not ready to deal with the "pressures" of a relationship, then is definitely not worth it. Unless he agrees to commit, you are only going to get more hurt.
If you think the relationship is worth it, then stay. However, I personally think that if he is not ready to deal with the "pressures" of a relationship, then is definitely not worth it. Unless he agrees to commit, you are only going to get more hurt.
From a 9yr relationship she broke up with me because she is not happy with me and not inlove. It was so devastating. The thing now is that we still live together but not sleeping together and I dont takk to her unless if I have something to ask. She sometimes act like noticing I look good etc but shen she talks to our friends she confirms that this is really the end for us but she do miss me. If I want her back how can I follow your steps if we still live together.
Move out as soon as possible. Make changes in your life. Contact her again. IF you can't move out, just make changes in your life and then start talking with her more after no contact period is over.
Move out as soon as possible. Make changes in your life. Contact her again. IF you can't move out, just make changes in your life and then start talking with her more after no contact period is over.
My fiancé and I were together 2 years before the split. I was blind sided. That was about 35 days ago. Prior to the break we had just started our marriage classes, I was opening a new business, she was looking for a place to live (she was living at home for the time) and we were a year our from our wedding date. When she broken the news she was sad crying telling me how much she wants to be with me but God put on her heart that she needed to make sure. So I called our pastor we all met that night. He advised we take a week of no contact and have dinner. So we did, at dinner she said she missed me and loves me so much but our marriage counselor advised we take a 6 month break with no communication. So we set a dinner date. We have exchange our items and cried, we're intimate and said our good byes. She says I'm confident in my decision bc the Lord put it on my heart. She also said I need you to trust me and know I'm doing this by the book. I haven't reached out to her i am living life going to the gym and good things are happening. I just miss her and want to communicate with her. I'm passed the no contact phase and need some advise and perspective? Thoughts
Hey Travis,
If your marriage counselor advised 6 months break, then you should wait 6 months IMO. She will feel like you are pressuring her if you try to contact her before that.
Hey Travis,
If your marriage counselor advised 6 months break, then you should wait 6 months IMO. She will feel like you are pressuring her if you try to contact her before that.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years well two years this month. We were so happy. It was like i found my partner. His eyes twinkled every time he looked at me. Our relationship was perfect nothing could of made it better. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Saying he has lost feelings for me. And that he wants to be single no relationship.
But these last phew months have been hell. We argued, over girls flirting and touching him. His slacking off our relationship. Him not paying full attention to our relationship. I did everything to make him happy, i even payed for our dates. We had so much fun together we never ever wanted to go home. But there is this girl he is always with. After our breakup he has become so close to him. I asked him why is she so close to you he responded 'she stood up for me, were only friends' but i always see them together.
Once i went up to him wanting to know why he fell out of love. His answered were always different and confusing. Be said ' we changed' 'arguing wasn't the issue' then he said i don't like you move on. I asked him ' don't you remember anything we did how we felt' he said 'no i don't like to remember that' then after him pushing me away i gave up talking to him. I asked him if he likes the girl he's always with a lot of times his response was no. And after he went up to my best mate and he said I'm annoying and i should stop talking about that girl. Then he's like to her he's never going to forget me because i was such an important person in his life at one point.
The day after that i saw him in town near the bus station. He looked at me and looked down at his phone. I walked by shocked because i never saw him during our relationship anywhere. He texted me 'hey was that you in town' i didn't answer because it was my first day doing the no contact rule.
Then the girl and i were walking together she asked me hows life and I'm like bad my boyfriend thing. She said oh yeah. And I'm like yeah shes like he told me a couple of days that he likes you. And I'm like i thought you two were together. Shes like no were not and even if we were ill slap sense into him. Then she said i don't think you two should get back together. I said if we do get back together we should forget our last relationship and start fresh.
Then in school i always see him looking into my eyes? What is that? And i always see that girl and him together her friends have become his friends. I saw them fighting over a phone and sitting together at dinner time. It upset me so i went somewhere private and i saw an adult who I knew and i talked to her crying. And the girl walked pass with her friend. And the next second he came with all his friends near me and he said are you okay and i didn't want to be rude so i gave him a short answer yes family problems. So i don't break the nc because so far i have been happy. And then he walked away and came back and i walked away from him.
What does this all mean? He told me 5 times to move on he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He told me he falls out of love everyday? What about the girl He's been with? Is she showing fake signs? He is really confusing but i am doing the nc rule and i don't think it will work i think he will get over me in a months time.
I don't think he will get over you. It looks like the girl is actually just her friend. Continue no contact.
I don't think he will get over you. It looks like the girl is actually just her friend. Continue no contact.
Hi,
So me and my ex fiance were together for nearly 10 years. We did everything together traveled the world for years at a time and I thought we were so unstoppable. . But about a year ago he got depressed with his life and we broke up that was 10 months ago now. We did still see each other on and of till about 4 months ago, until then he was just dating girls but nothing serious. Then just over 3 months ago he met this 19 year old girl ( he's 27) and has been seeing her exclusive for 3 months they even did a 2 week trip to New Zealand together... my question is should I be worried that this relationship is serious? some part of me says its just a rebound but the fact that he didn't dive into the relationship straight after our break up has me worried. Obviously I want him back and he knows this yet he has said if he wasn't in this new relationship with this girl he would try again but he is so he won't. Really frustrated
Hey Kate,
He is clear about his feelings and priorities. I guess the best you can do is keep in touch with him and have fun conversations with him occasionally. You are right, it's hard to say if it's a rebound.
Hey Kate,
He is clear about his feelings and priorities. I guess the best you can do is keep in touch with him and have fun conversations with him occasionally. You are right, it's hard to say if it's a rebound.
My ex and I had dated for 2 years. But during all that time we lived in different countries. We always thought we were gonna get together eventually, because we were away from each other only we had to make money in different countries. I broke up with him 4 months ago. We did not contact with each other for a month but I kept thinking about him. After a month I saw him that he started to add all the girls that I made him delete off of his fb back. I got crazy, then we carried on talking for a while but he only showed how much he was mad at me. Then he told me he would come over to see me if thats what i want, he loves me but I live in another country, there is no future for us. Now i stopped contacting him for 10 days, he sent me an email where he asked about my family. I do want to get back together with him. What am i supposed to do now?
If there is really no future with him, you have to move on. If there is a future with him, you need to talk to him about your feelings and what you want from the relationship.
Hey Kevin, thank you very much for your reply. I do think there is a future with him. We were planning to get married and I do wanna move where he lives at the moment. But he said he is not willing for either of us to make that jump. When he said these stuff, he was really mad at me and If I am honest, I was the one who dumped him, because I was sick of waiting for him and I was a really jealous girlfriend. It's been 3 weeks since last we talked. Do you think I should call him straight away and talk about everything. Or do you think I should let him go for a while?
I think you should talk to him after one more week.
Hey. My ex broke up with me in April and she started seeing a new guy in her class shortly after. People tell me that it's a reboud, but I'm not so sure. If it's more than a year, and she's still with him, do you think there'd be any luck in reaching out? Or would it still be possible to win her back?
Sometimes rebound relationships end up going way beyond it's intended expiry date, but that does make it hard to pinpoint whether its still considered a rebound or not. If the relationship does last over a year, I wouldn't recommend you putting too much hopes on winning her back and I think your focus should instead be towards letting go, in order to be fair to yourself.
Sometimes rebound relationships end up going way beyond it's intended expiry date, but that does make it hard to pinpoint whether its still considered a rebound or not. If the relationship does last over a year, I wouldn't recommend you putting too much hopes on winning her back and I think your focus should instead be towards letting go, in order to be fair to yourself.
Sometimes rebound relationships end up going way beyond it's intended expiry date, but that does make it hard to pinpoint whether its still considered a rebound or not. If the relationship does last over a year, I wouldn't recommend you putting too much hopes on winning her back and I think your focus should instead be towards letting go, in order to be fair to yourself.
Sometimes rebound relationships end up going way beyond it's intended expiry date, but that does make it hard to pinpoint whether its still considered a rebound or not. If the relationship does last over a year, I wouldn't recommend you putting too much hopes on winning her back and I think your focus should instead be towards letting go, in order to be fair to yourself.
Sometimes rebound relationships end up going way beyond it's intended expiry date, but that does make it hard to pinpoint whether its still considered a rebound or not. If the relationship does last over a year, I wouldn't recommend you putting too much hopes on winning her back and I think your focus should instead be towards letting go, in order to be fair to yourself.
Sometimes rebound relationships end up going way beyond it's intended expiry date, but that does make it hard to pinpoint whether its still considered a rebound or not. If the relationship does last over a year, I wouldn't recommend you putting too much hopes on winning her back and I think your focus should instead be towards letting go, in order to be fair to yourself.
Hey. My ex broke up with me in April and she started seeing a new guy in her class shortly after. People tell me that it's a reboud, but I'm not so sure. If it's more than a year, and she's still with him, do you think there'd be any luck in reaching out? Or would it still be possible to win her back?
Hey. My ex broke up with me in April and she started seeing a new guy in her class shortly after. People tell me that it's a reboud, but I'm not so sure. If it's more than a year, and she's still with him, do you think there'd be any luck in reaching out? Or would it still be possible to win her back?
Hey. My ex broke up with me in April and she started seeing a new guy in her class shortly after. People tell me that it's a reboud, but I'm not so sure. If it's more than a year, and she's still with him, do you think there'd be any luck in reaching out? Or would it still be possible to win her back?
Hey. My ex broke up with me in April and she started seeing a new guy in her class shortly after. People tell me that it's a reboud, but I'm not so sure. If it's more than a year, and she's still with him, do you think there'd be any luck in reaching out? Or would it still be possible to win her back?
I think you should talk to him after one more week.
I think you should talk to him after one more week.
I think you should talk to him after one more week.
Hey Kevin, thank you very much for your reply. I do think there is a future with him. We were planning to get married and I do wanna move where he lives at the moment. But he said he is not willing for either of us to make that jump. When he said these stuff, he was really mad at me and If I am honest, I was the one who dumped him, because I was sick of waiting for him and I was a really jealous girlfriend. It's been 3 weeks since last we talked. Do you think I should call him straight away and talk about everything. Or do you think I should let him go for a while?
Hey Kevin, thank you very much for your reply. I do think there is a future with him. We were planning to get married and I do wanna move where he lives at the moment. But he said he is not willing for either of us to make that jump. When he said these stuff, he was really mad at me and If I am honest, I was the one who dumped him, because I was sick of waiting for him and I was a really jealous girlfriend. It's been 3 weeks since last we talked. Do you think I should call him straight away and talk about everything. Or do you think I should let him go for a while?
If there is really no future with him, you have to move on. If there is a future with him, you need to talk to him about your feelings and what you want from the relationship.
Kevin, my boyfriend of 3 years left me out of no where, of course I asked for answers and asked if we could work on things. He said no, he wanted to be single. But I'm so confused because the next day he said we probably end up back together. (It has been 3 days since the breakup) , he texts and calls me on his own..he says he needs me as a friend...i guess i am dumb for giving into him and giving him attention and pouring my heart out...he is giving me mixed feelings..i feel like he is toying with me...I dont want to be his friend though..i want to be his girlfriend. After reading your website I want to try the no contact....im worried if i cut all contact with him that his friends will make him believe i abandoned him tho...and he will forever hate me. .and never get back with me. I would like your advise if possible.
Let him know you need some space and time and you will contact him after some time.
Let him know you need some space and time and you will contact him after some time.
Hey! my case is a bit different, short relationship:
one month pure intense like a film, and one month i was travelling abroad and calling all days(the calls were really amazing, the fire didnt stop)
When i come back from this month, i just come so depressed and needy , and the second day she told me that i had to win her again, after that not more meets.
In this case , can be the no contact rule less time??
casual meeting with a new image of me confident would be the key?
Thanks
Keep no contact short, 2 weeks. Yes, confidence is the key.
In casual contact, is better if it goes good to at the final say something to meet other day or is better to wait some days?
Wait some days.
Wait some days.
Wait some days.
Wait some days.
In casual contact, is better if it goes good to at the final say something to meet other day or is better to wait some days?
In casual contact, is better if it goes good to at the final say something to meet other day or is better to wait some days?
Keep no contact short, 2 weeks. Yes, confidence is the key.
Hey, It's been about thirty days of no contact. For the past week I'd see her in school while she was alone and occasionally ask how she was doing and stuff. After the breakup I was a little needy and impulsive. This might have heart my chances but time has helped. I'm "better" now. But my question is this: how risky is it for me to contact her with a letter or a text asking to meet up and chat? I'm afraid that if I attempt it and get denied that might be the only shot I get. There's a chance she might be stubborn but I'm not 100% sure. Please help. I love her.
Don't ask her straight away. Build up attraction first, then ask her after a few weeks.
Don't ask her straight away. Build up attraction first, then ask her after a few weeks.
We coupled up when we were 16 years old. At the beginning , I am sure that he was not serious me and I never thought that I would be as serious with him as well. Until at one point I realise that I am madly in love with this guy. We were all good at the beginning but I realized that he has a high need of physical relationship like hugging , kissing and touching. Me being a religious person made it hard for me to give way to this and I am not sure as to why I even let it go in the end. However, in 2006 ( when we were 16) during the school holidays, It was very difficult to reach him as he was always away due to his chess tournaments but I found out that he initiated flirting with my good friend who is very much prettier than me and he even asked her out for a date. Eventually he broke up with me and in Feb 2007, we reconciled. For that year, we were not greatly in love , I still missed him though we were in the relationship and he felt the same, It went on and he was busy with his tournaments and again when his ex girl came into the picture he left me broken. Practically that one year, I was just there as a thing and he has hurt me so much when his ex came into picture. I could not take the heart break until I even attempt suicide. He changed his contact number and told all my friends not to give his new number to me. I was very very hurt with the way how he behaved. He knew I was being hospitalized. I was also working towards my final examination and the pressure was very overwhelming. One the exam days, I wished him luck because I still love that guy and I was hoping he would reconcile with me. He replied and he admitted of having sex with a girl whom I do not who she was till today and that how fun it was but he also told me that he felt guilty and will never do it with another person. What I didn't understand is his need for having to communicate that with me when he told me that he dont love me anymore. He could have kept it with him and the next day he said he was just testing me if I was suicidal which is a bull shit. He gave me a complete mental torturing. The problem was I love him. So what he put me through I was just facing it. He has chronic atopic dermatitis on his face and skin. After schooling days, he stopped on all his medication as it was damaging his kidney and we were still meeting each other. He made out with me for the first time at his old house and he will hold my back and say that there is no feelings but he still makes out. he still needed me. But he knows that I love him. The problem here is if he did not love he should not even had initiated all this when he found girls who can have sex with him and walk out. This went on for 2 years. Once I declined going to his new house for make out and he got so upset about it and refused to speak with me for 5 months. He was so harsh on me and surprisingly after that 5 months of not talking with me, he reconciled with me for real. The day he makes out after the 5 months of not talking, he again makes out and when I said we should not then he said we will be together. He confronted to me after his pre u , and he told me we should be together. Things were different since then, he was very sincere in working things out and shortly after that he left to UK for his studies. It has been LDR since then. However, I knew he loved me, He texts me , and we do work it out. He came and met my family and I pawned my jewels and was doing 3 part time jobs to save some money and pay him visit in UK. He took me to Paris by surprise and after the trip. I paid every single cents he spent on me since he is not working there and I do not feel right to use his money.
He took me to is family on his brother wedding day . We being Indians and he coming from a rich family, it meant so much for me and he even mentioned to his friends gf that he made mistakes before and she is the one whom I will be likely marrying with. He was very nice and absolutely caring towards my feelings. He promised about marriages every time we make out. Because I always feel I need to have intimate relationship with the man I am going to marry and not anyone else. He knows this well.
After he left for his last year, things changed. Without any signals, he decided to let me know that he is confused about us since he wants to just stay in London and not come back and get a ob there and since I am financially weak and will not be able to come there, he thinks its better to just call it of. Despite of everything we went through, he accepted me to accept his decision. That time he still loved me. He did not sit and discuss with me his plans. He said he cannot afford to be self fish by calling me there but he also knew how important he is in my life. Imagine that he could say no mater what he does or tell , I will never leave him. He was very cold with me for a month after that, he hardly spoke but we didnt break up that time. In between i saw some birthday pictures of him with his friend dancing and that friend is whom he went holidays with on his friend's facebook. She is of different religion like his ex gf and she was practically hanging over him. I do noticed that lately, the communication is more there compared to me. I lost my nerves and confronted the girl immediately on this mater and she denied. she said she is sorry and that she is just a close friend and my bf then also denied and he was very upset that I even suspected and asked her instead of waiting for him. From my side of view, I cannot afford to lose him anymore. I had lost him before to a ex gf when i trusted him almost 100%. He again was silent for about 4 months and then he decided to just call it off. He did not even initiate any conversation. He said he is sorry for everything one night. I did not know what to expect and I said I am sorry to, I believe things were so intense and he thinks I made him as a laughing stock then. He posted on his FB that certain decision in life you will make, you shall regret but cheerish the one who was there for you when you were down, I thought he finally did realize something but to my dismay when I initiated talking he just broke up with me and asked me to just move on. He said its a waste of time since its a LDR and he wants to stay there and as I said he makes his own decision and never both to sit with me and discuss and Now I know that he is with the same girl I suspected him with and I even had begged her to let him go but she had blocked me. I feel so cheated and I feel so terrible heart broken. I think of suicidal attempts again and I have lost 10 kgs. I still love him from all my heart until I cried over to his mom for help because he does not want to listen to me at all. I always cared for him and saw him as part of me. While breaking up with me he said, he never loved me before. That was so heart breaking because he mentions he loves me almost every day I was there with him and when we talk and chat and he even promised me of marriages.
How can that be not true
The break up was rough till my dad sent him a harsh message and his anger on me increased.
Is he a very self centered person or a narcissist
Now that with his new gf, I noticed that he took her to Rome (2013 Winter) whereby in 2012 winter, I was there with him in Paris.He even has placed his picture with her as a profile picture. All the years with me , he had hardly put that on. I am very jealous and I also am in denial state but when I think about everything that I have had been through for him both financially and emotionally, I think I have had just been taken for granted. He is proud for having her or maybe she has accommodated his needs better than what I did but I guess I have had lost the race. There were days in my house where we had to sell off the scrap metal for food but I never felt bad about my life. I worked hard and never felt envied on what others have. But I cannot tolerate all this misbehavior and how I just became a sex slave for him without any intimate love.
I think I just feel too numb now for anything. But I started to think as well, what sort of future I can have with a man who does not hold responsibility for his actions and words and worst he can find replacement before walking out of me completely. I guess with his health problem, he always demand constant attention and from the time I know him, he was barely single for 6 months. I was always there. Terrible feeling.
Hey,
Sorry you had to go through this. I will advise that you forget about him and move on. He is young and confused about what he wants in life. He is going to hurt you more. Even if you want to get back together, initiate no contact for at least 60 days.
I don't think he never loved you before. It was very mean of him to say. Sometimes people say very mean things after a breakup just so their ex leaves them alone. Yes, it was selfish of him. But think of it this way, he did you a favor by ending it right now rather than ending it after 3 more years.
Hey,
Sorry you had to go through this. I will advise that you forget about him and move on. He is young and confused about what he wants in life. He is going to hurt you more. Even if you want to get back together, initiate no contact for at least 60 days.
I don't think he never loved you before. It was very mean of him to say. Sometimes people say very mean things after a breakup just so their ex leaves them alone. Yes, it was selfish of him. But think of it this way, he did you a favor by ending it right now rather than ending it after 3 more years.
Hi, Kevin : )
I just wanted to thank you for your past advice, and that I'm so glad I somehow found your site when there was no one I could turn to when I needed help!! I wanted to give you an update, and that I must confess, I sent my "letter" 1 week and 1/2 early, but he wrote me back with a positive sentence and winky face. Since then, he began texting almost every day and wanting to hang out, and I always stayed positive with my texts and mentioned exciting things that were happening in my life. But I think he's feeling mixed ways about us because he seems all over the place. He said he was depressed during the month we were apart, and we ended up getting drunk together, and he said he "missed me" and I "was gorgeous" and his "best friend" and his "babe" and lots of other things, but I knew that the alcohol was the one to make his guard come down to say all those things. Several hangouts later, he suggested to have sex or make-out, but I've refused it all. He even drove me to meet one of his friends, spontaneously, one day. But the last time we talked was Sat. the 1st when I texted him saying that "if we ever kiss on the lips, again, that that kiss should be the one to transform us into a new, exciting & special, romantic relationship". I think he confused what I said and thought I was asking to be together again or something, and then he texted back that he was glad I rejected his advances and that I "can try harder, we're still friends". So, it's been 4 days since then. And he hasn't, nor have I, contacted each other at all. What's crazy is that when we hangout face-to-face, I'm completely comfortable, play it cool and am my total self, without worries of messing up or anything. But when it comes to texting him, I noticed he becomes some other person, and I don't like that person very much, so I've decided to text him less or with shorter answers to prevent conflict. What I wonder is, if he asks to hangout, again, should I refuse to this time? Because we've been hanging out every time he asks. Do you think that would help my chances of getting back together or hurt it?
Hey Kristin,
If you've already hung out many times, then it certainly wouldn't hurt refusing him once. Although, don't refuse him right after that incident. It might seem like you are doing it intentionally.
Hey Kevin,
So, since I last wrote, my ex has seemingly become out-of-control, lately. He's been getting drunk so much! Whenever there's a weekend, extra day off from school, or spring break like it is here, now, he spends it getting wasted. He's 18, and when I was 18, my friends & I drank from time-to-time. & I think every generation experiments with it in their teens, so I didn't see any harm, initially. But before it started getting really bad, we hung out one Fri., got drunk, and talked about us that night. He asked if we could have sex, and I told him no, once more, bcz I let him know that I was only going to do that if we got back together. I felt like I was just wasting my time, so I sighed and looked away from him. He said to repeat what I said, and I did, he then said we should get back together. I told him to ask me the right way, and actually, made him repeat it several times in different ways, just to make sure he was sure. We kissed on it & then had sex and he said he was probably going to marry me and other things and that he had to just get through with school, which he graduates from in 2 mos. He wasn't slurring words or anything, he was totally aware of everything going on and even called his mom & texted her in between. He left saying to have a marvelous night and we kissed goodbye, I felt wonderful!! Four days later, he sends me a text saying a couple brief things and then a "& we need to talk". He says that he & his family are moving to Texas. I said we should meet to talk in person and he said "I'll try" & then I asked him if he was gonna break-up with me or what we were going to do, and then I get "Kristin we didn't back together. I was drunk, I was trying to tell you for 4 days". I was shocked! I believe it was just some lousy, low excuse to get out of the relationship. Because we'd been texting in between those days and he even said himself that his friends "didn't know about me being his girlfriend, yet" bcz he didn't want it getting back to his mom. Because we have had elaborate conversations, before, when we were drunk and he remembered everything, but for this particular time, suddenly it was bcz he was drunk. I texted back "WHAT?!" I got extremely drunk and about 6 hrs. later texted "Ok, whatever you say" and he immediately texted back "I'm sorry". I scoffed and told him "Whatever, say what you want, you don't fool me. I wasn't born yesterday, we both know the real truth. You should learn to b honest with ppl. You say nobody understands you the way I do. Well, guess you'll have to venture this chapter, alone, & find out/realize the hard way. Grow-up, "S". You've regressed from the guy I first met after arriving from Iraq, the one I admired, inspired me, have history with. & I want him back. Peace!" I know there was another sentence or two, but I wrote all this from memory because I erased the texts. I just wanted to say that your advice really helped, Kevin. But in my case, it can't help immaturity. So, I'm starting NC today to better me for myself. Day 1. I'm sad this relationship tanked because I really love him for a great many things, but his lingering childishness and indecisiveness is poison.
Hey Kristin,
I sort of got angry reading your comment about how he acted. But I guess what happened was necessary for you to realize that it's not worth it. I am sure you will start feeling better soon enough.
Hey Kristin,
I sort of got angry reading your comment about how he acted. But I guess what happened was necessary for you to realize that it's not worth it. I am sure you will start feeling better soon enough.
Hey Kristin,
I sort of got angry reading your comment about how he acted. But I guess what happened was necessary for you to realize that it's not worth it. I am sure you will start feeling better soon enough.
Hey Kristin,
I sort of got angry reading your comment about how he acted. But I guess what happened was necessary for you to realize that it's not worth it. I am sure you will start feeling better soon enough.
Hey Kevin,
So, since I last wrote, my ex has seemingly become out-of-control, lately. He's been getting drunk so much! Whenever there's a weekend, extra day off from school, or spring break like it is here, now, he spends it getting wasted. He's 18, and when I was 18, my friends & I drank from time-to-time. & I think every generation experiments with it in their teens, so I didn't see any harm, initially. But before it started getting really bad, we hung out one Fri., got drunk, and talked about us that night. He asked if we could have sex, and I told him no, once more, bcz I let him know that I was only going to do that if we got back together. I felt like I was just wasting my time, so I sighed and looked away from him. He said to repeat what I said, and I did, he then said we should get back together. I told him to ask me the right way, and actually, made him repeat it several times in different ways, just to make sure he was sure. We kissed on it & then had sex and he said he was probably going to marry me and other things and that he had to just get through with school, which he graduates from in 2 mos. He wasn't slurring words or anything, he was totally aware of everything going on and even called his mom & texted her in between. He left saying to have a marvelous night and we kissed goodbye, I felt wonderful!! Four days later, he sends me a text saying a couple brief things and then a "& we need to talk". He says that he & his family are moving to Texas. I said we should meet to talk in person and he said "I'll try" & then I asked him if he was gonna break-up with me or what we were going to do, and then I get "Kristin we didn't back together. I was drunk, I was trying to tell you for 4 days". I was shocked! I believe it was just some lousy, low excuse to get out of the relationship. Because we'd been texting in between those days and he even said himself that his friends "didn't know about me being his girlfriend, yet" bcz he didn't want it getting back to his mom. Because we have had elaborate conversations, before, when we were drunk and he remembered everything, but for this particular time, suddenly it was bcz he was drunk. I texted back "WHAT?!" I got extremely drunk and about 6 hrs. later texted "Ok, whatever you say" and he immediately texted back "I'm sorry". I scoffed and told him "Whatever, say what you want, you don't fool me. I wasn't born yesterday, we both know the real truth. You should learn to b honest with ppl. You say nobody understands you the way I do. Well, guess you'll have to venture this chapter, alone, & find out/realize the hard way. Grow-up, "S". You've regressed from the guy I first met after arriving from Iraq, the one I admired, inspired me, have history with. & I want him back. Peace!" I know there was another sentence or two, but I wrote all this from memory because I erased the texts. I just wanted to say that your advice really helped, Kevin. But in my case, it can't help immaturity. So, I'm starting NC today to better me for myself. Day 1. I'm sad this relationship tanked because I really love him for a great many things, but his lingering childishness and indecisiveness is poison.
Hey Kevin,
So, since I last wrote, my ex has seemingly become out-of-control, lately. He's been getting drunk so much! Whenever there's a weekend, extra day off from school, or spring break like it is here, now, he spends it getting wasted. He's 18, and when I was 18, my friends & I drank from time-to-time. & I think every generation experiments with it in their teens, so I didn't see any harm, initially. But before it started getting really bad, we hung out one Fri., got drunk, and talked about us that night. He asked if we could have sex, and I told him no, once more, bcz I let him know that I was only going to do that if we got back together. I felt like I was just wasting my time, so I sighed and looked away from him. He said to repeat what I said, and I did, he then said we should get back together. I told him to ask me the right way, and actually, made him repeat it several times in different ways, just to make sure he was sure. We kissed on it & then had sex and he said he was probably going to marry me and other things and that he had to just get through with school, which he graduates from in 2 mos. He wasn't slurring words or anything, he was totally aware of everything going on and even called his mom & texted her in between. He left saying to have a marvelous night and we kissed goodbye, I felt wonderful!! Four days later, he sends me a text saying a couple brief things and then a "& we need to talk". He says that he & his family are moving to Texas. I said we should meet to talk in person and he said "I'll try" & then I asked him if he was gonna break-up with me or what we were going to do, and then I get "Kristin we didn't back together. I was drunk, I was trying to tell you for 4 days". I was shocked! I believe it was just some lousy, low excuse to get out of the relationship. Because we'd been texting in between those days and he even said himself that his friends "didn't know about me being his girlfriend, yet" bcz he didn't want it getting back to his mom. Because we have had elaborate conversations, before, when we were drunk and he remembered everything, but for this particular time, suddenly it was bcz he was drunk. I texted back "WHAT?!" I got extremely drunk and about 6 hrs. later texted "Ok, whatever you say" and he immediately texted back "I'm sorry". I scoffed and told him "Whatever, say what you want, you don't fool me. I wasn't born yesterday, we both know the real truth. You should learn to b honest with ppl. You say nobody understands you the way I do. Well, guess you'll have to venture this chapter, alone, & find out/realize the hard way. Grow-up, "S". You've regressed from the guy I first met after arriving from Iraq, the one I admired, inspired me, have history with. & I want him back. Peace!" I know there was another sentence or two, but I wrote all this from memory because I erased the texts. I just wanted to say that your advice really helped, Kevin. But in my case, it can't help immaturity. So, I'm starting NC today to better me for myself. Day 1. I'm sad this relationship tanked because I really love him for a great many things, but his lingering childishness and indecisiveness is poison.
Hey Kristin,
If you've already hung out many times, then it certainly wouldn't hurt refusing him once. Although, don't refuse him right after that incident. It might seem like you are doing it intentionally.
Hey kevin,
We talked yesterday for like 15 mins
Then I told her I was busy
And left she said ok bye
Now should I wait for her to initiate contact or shud I contact her ??
Quick reply will be thankful
Wait for a week. If she doesn't contact, then you should contact her.
Wait a while, about a week see if she contacts you. If not, call her back for about 10 mins or so, and than end it first and say you gotta go but you'll call back tonight. That will get her to expect a call from you (which you don't call, you take your time to call her) and she will wonder and contact you :)
~ I'm not Kevin, but I hope my advice helps. I just someone can help me :(
Wait for a week. If she doesn't contact, then you should contact her.
Wait a while, about a week see if she contacts you. If not, call her back for about 10 mins or so, and than end it first and say you gotta go but you'll call back tonight. That will get her to expect a call from you (which you don't call, you take your time to call her) and she will wonder and contact you :)
~ I'm not Kevin, but I hope my advice helps. I just someone can help me :(
Kevin, i was in a relationship from 2 years.
I decided to breakup with my ex when she started doing things she promised me she won't. She tried to meet me but i never met her in 4 months. She was enjoying her life tough, i wanted her to enjoy, but one day bam! she was with someone else. And i broke down. She did not contact me for a week. I decided to meet one day, she met instantly, she told me that relationship was over, she made me realize how i was wrong too, but i acted too desperate. I told her i never thought of being in a long distance relationship with you. Now i want to give this relationship one more chance.
The problem here is we would be going college next year, my problem is i have ocd, anxiety and depression and exams in a month. I am not able to study without her presence. I always told her if you ever need me for studies i will always be there (from the start of our relationship) , i asked her to talk to me for 5 minutes a day and she denied, should i talk to her so that i can study too or should i not but then i am unable to study.
Hey,
You have to learn to live without her. Because there is always a chance that you might never get her back. You can't rely on someone to be able to go through your day.
Hey,
You have to learn to live without her. Because there is always a chance that you might never get her back. You can't rely on someone to be able to go through your day.
I did the whole break up with him then wanted to get back together in a day after almost 4 years of dating...denied obviously. A week later I wrote a letter saying I'd give him space (no contact) until he was ready. I have and it's almost a month. I did this before reading your article. I don't want advice on wether I should be in a relationship with him or not; I can reflect on what you've said and on my relationship and figure that out myself, but I am wondering if it is crucial for me to have "more power" than I do right now for there to be a potential future.
I don't think it's crucial, but it can help.
I don't think it's crucial, but it can help.
hi Kevin,
following your advice on no contact..he had left me around a year back for another...n then we entered many times off and on no contact periods...last time we met on early feb where he had got his gf along too...later i had told him that he shouldnt have hurt me as i truly loved him a lot....after tht its been almost 2 months and i hv entered a no contact period.., i intend to stay out of touch for 4 months atleast......just confused with his behaviour..he has no remorse what so ever...he said in the last msg tht he does lv and respect me bt now its over as his life belongs else where.....it seems so hard to know him...i got devastated with break up and he moved on with double force,,he has started looking good and young..saw him few times, he looked very happy with other girl of his life,,calls her angel,,spends his whole day and time with her, organising events, performing events, going for parties, picnics, walks, coffee shop together and then posting those pics on fb and posting "thanks to my beautiful angel for loving me, having great fun" n stuff like that.........all one year I kept telling him i love him and waiting for him to come back,,,bt he continued with no contact... at times after a month or so he would just send a simple message in early mornin like ,"Oh" to me..or some usual thought to me ....sometimes i feel those messages are accidentally redirected to my number, and at times i know he sends it to me....last msg i got was around 2 weeks back.....now i hv decided to not reply him till another 4 mnths,,bt it hurts me as all through the process i remained stable in this relation and kept waiting for his return..... can you please tell me this guy who till date refuses to talk to me, who is happy with other and doesnt want to give any time to me,,,,will he ever even realize that he hurt me immensely, that i loved him a lot,,,will he ever regret doing what he did to me by his attitude,,,will he ever value the moments spent with me and want me back desperately..... how can he move on so easily? I am no robot and till now i keep thinking of the moments spent together,,,we bonded so good....why are guys so fake and shallow? i really wanted this relation forever and worked so hard to make it happen but he seems so unconcerned about me...will god ever make him realize that he kicked and hurt a person who loved him so completely?
kindly tell me what do think about this guy? is there a chance for him to be back as the man who wanted to spend his whole life with me?
hi Kevin,
to add on to my previous message I also want to say that i dont think its his rebound relation...infact i feel perhaps i was a rebound relation for me because before me he was living with another and then he left me for another.......i am shocked how wasily men hop from one relation to another least realising there must be someone who really had started loving and caring for him......i can still forgive him but before that I want that atleast God makes him realize what pain he has given to me and how much I loved him despite all his harshness to my emotions....Tell me as a guy...Do guys ever value true love? why are men blind? how can he forget me and move on when we sharedso beautiful moments and intense dreams? is there a hope for me...
Hey KK,
I think you want him to realize his mistakes more than you want move on and feel better in your life. I understand you are hurt, but you need to realize that only you can heal your pain. Not him. You have to take control of your emotions and learn to move on. I know it might sound impossible right now, but eventually you will have to forgive him for the pain he has caused you. Concentrate on moving on. I will not recommend you try to win him back because it will only prolong your pain. There are many resources online that will help you move on. Search for a book called "getting past your breakup". I think it'll help you.
Hey KK,
I think you want him to realize his mistakes more than you want move on and feel better in your life. I understand you are hurt, but you need to realize that only you can heal your pain. Not him. You have to take control of your emotions and learn to move on. I know it might sound impossible right now, but eventually you will have to forgive him for the pain he has caused you. Concentrate on moving on. I will not recommend you try to win him back because it will only prolong your pain. There are many resources online that will help you move on. Search for a book called "getting past your breakup". I think it'll help you.
me and my ex have been together for about 4 years and a half and live apart for about 3 and our relationship was not always good because of the distance but we loved eachother so much but always breaking up for little things out of angry our break ups never lasted more then 2 days until now we started to talk less every day because I was always busy and she thought I was always doing something else like with some one
(cheating) and I wasn't and told her that .so I broke it off she was just stressing me out .so she begged me to get back and we would still talk but I said no wait until Im back home with you witch was a month .I would tell her mean things like she was annoying to please stop your pushing me away then she stopped . 2 weeks passed and I wanted her back she said no I don't want the relationship no more im tired of it she said.i wrote her 3 letter telling how I felt about her and that I will make everything work.she said she believe me and I loved me and that she was confused then I wanted to work things out when she didn't and begged her for 2weeks i think pushed her away and I moved back to my hometown and she was just a horrible mean person to me .she also started hanging out with new friends party girls she promised me she wouldn't get back with me .I don't know what to do I havnt talk to her in 3 weeks she don't care to talk to me and her last words were let this go already !! what should I do I still want her and love her we have been loyal to each other I know she is the one for me I don't know if she feels the same . should I let go
Hello
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago because I had to move away for a new job, and he was not willing to do long distance. I think the relationship was great overall, and we are very compatible. We want the same things in life and we come from very similar backgrounds. The relationship was very healthy and there were no major arguments or fights. I am not willing to lose such a great connection with this guy, but he's absolutely not willing to do long distance and asked me to "get in touch if I'm ever back in the same city". We were talking a little bit after the breakup, but I noticed that I was always the one initiating contact. He always replies, but never initiates. I went full no contact about 2 weeks ago, and I haven't heard from him since then. It looks like he's using No Contact as well to move on and forget about me, and he's sticking to his decision.
Do you think I should try to win him back? What should I do? I don't want to lose my job or the love of my life. Please advice.
Thanks
So my ex broke up with me 4 days ago. We dated for a year and prior to that we were both in other relationships that had ended a couple months before we met each other and started ours. We both love each other deeply but realize that we're both not ready for a relationship and since we weren't fully moved on from issues/insecurities we had left over from the relationship before it spilled over into ours and caused problems which eventually lead to us breaking up last week. So while it's reluctantly mutual, my ex was the one with the strength to actually follow through with it because it's for the best right now. But he says to me that his love for me runs so deep and that I mean the world to him so this is really hard for him as well as me.
My ex is going through a major transition in his life. He's finally found his passion and is inspired to really pursue it but works 60 hours a week and also wants to work on bettering himself. He's realized that he can't be in a relationship right now and juggle everything, because what little free time he has he should put that mental space towards studying/pursuing his craft instead of tending to me or worrying if I'm getting upset he hasn't made time for me. So, I understand why we shouldn't be together right now.
I need to work on myself and be happy with being alone. I've never really been alone and the two of us (me and my ex) became co-dependent on one another and I think that aspect was unhealthy.
I know once we're both in a better place in our lives and the timing is better I would like to be with him again. He really did inspire me, build me up, believe in my dreams/passions and we shared a lot of positivity. We just let negativity in to get the best of us.
I definitely will take the 30 days no contact to gain clarity of the relationship and work on myself, but my question to you is what do I do after because I know a month from now he may miss me and want to be with me again but will still feel that he's not ready for a relationship, as I don't think he'll be ready for a relationship until he finishes school in a year. So what do I do after 30 days? I'm afraid to be friends with him and then we get used to that and then the possibility of getting back together will become more and more distant. I also don't want us to be friends and either of us get jealous of the other dating because that negativity will just remind us of what we want to avoid from our initial relationship.
Do I just move on completely and in a year contact him? That's so hard. Is it possible to become the man that he feels he could be in a relationship with even though we won't see me more than 2-4 times a month and still juggle his studies/career and work load?
What should I do?
I think you should contact him after 30 days and establish a friendship. I don't think spending time together with him will make him used to you as a friend. If you have fun with him and play your cards right, you can create a lot of attraction that will make him want to get back together.
I think you should contact him after 30 days and establish a friendship. I don't think spending time together with him will make him used to you as a friend. If you have fun with him and play your cards right, you can create a lot of attraction that will make him want to get back together.
I think you should contact him after 30 days and establish a friendship. I don't think spending time together with him will make him used to you as a friend. If you have fun with him and play your cards right, you can create a lot of attraction that will make him want to get back together.
Hey Mary,
I guess he is really against Long Distance and I think it will be really hard to convince him to give it a try. You can try contacting him after no contact (I'll recommend you make it 60 days) and if he still feels the same about LDR, then you'll have to choose between him or your job.
So my ex broke up with me 4 days ago. We dated for a year and prior to that we were both in other relationships that had ended a couple months before we met each other and started ours. We both love each other deeply but realize that we're both not ready for a relationship and since we weren't fully moved on from issues/insecurities we had left over from the relationship before it spilled over into ours and caused problems which eventually lead to us breaking up last week. So while it's reluctantly mutual, my ex was the one with the strength to actually follow through with it because it's for the best right now. But he says to me that his love for me runs so deep and that I mean the world to him so this is really hard for him as well as me.
My ex is going through a major transition in his life. He's finally found his passion and is inspired to really pursue it but works 60 hours a week and also wants to work on bettering himself. He's realized that he can't be in a relationship right now and juggle everything, because what little free time he has he should put that mental space towards studying/pursuing his craft instead of tending to me or worrying if I'm getting upset he hasn't made time for me. So, I understand why we shouldn't be together right now.
I need to work on myself and be happy with being alone. I've never really been alone and the two of us (me and my ex) became co-dependent on one another and I think that aspect was unhealthy.
I know once we're both in a better place in our lives and the timing is better I would like to be with him again. He really did inspire me, build me up, believe in my dreams/passions and we shared a lot of positivity. We just let negativity in to get the best of us.
I definitely will take the 30 days no contact to gain clarity of the relationship and work on myself, but my question to you is what do I do after because I know a month from now he may miss me and want to be with me again but will still feel that he's not ready for a relationship, as I don't think he'll be ready for a relationship until he finishes school in a year. So what do I do after 30 days? I'm afraid to be friends with him and then we get used to that and then the possibility of getting back together will become more and more distant. I also don't want us to be friends and either of us get jealous of the other dating because that negativity will just remind us of what we want to avoid from our initial relationship.
Do I just move on completely and in a year contact him? That's so hard. Is it possible to become the man that he feels he could be in a relationship with even though we won't see me more than 2-4 times a month and still juggle his studies/career and work load?
What should I do?
Hey Mary,
I guess he is really against Long Distance and I think it will be really hard to convince him to give it a try. You can try contacting him after no contact (I'll recommend you make it 60 days) and if he still feels the same about LDR, then you'll have to choose between him or your job.
Hi kevin,
im on the fourth day of the NC rule. she has a new relationship (i dont know if its a rebound one) and she will go with him in a 7 days holydays in 3 weeks. im worried that their relationship will be too close after this holyday. should i contact her before it or i should still wait the 30 days. im very worried
thanks
You can contact her before this. However, I doubt there's anything you can do to stop her from going. And if you do try to stop her, it'll make you look needy. But it's your call.
You can contact her before this. However, I doubt there's anything you can do to stop her from going. And if you do try to stop her, it'll make you look needy. But it's your call.
Hey need some advice. My ex still thinks there is a chance for us to be together but wants to have her own life. She still wants to talk and be friends even come and see me. She says we doesn't know if she wants to be together or not. Another girl kissed me before we were meant to move in together. Been together over 2 years, I said she could come to meet me this month. should I start no contact now? we have been broken up a month already and spent 1 day together which she said made her really happy. Confusing.
Yes, start no contact now.
Yes, start no contact now.
Hi,
My ex boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a month ago. We didn't talk for two weeks and then I initiated the conversation and now we decided to be civil and he said he still wants to be friends with me. So we are trying this friend thing. I asked him to watch a movie with me and he came and before leaving he asked me to give him a hug and kissed me on my cheek. However, I feel that I always initiate the texts or phone calls or hang outs. But when I do he reciprocates. He decided not to tell anyone that we are talking and that we should keep it between us and figure out what's going on. He did tell his sister that he is trying to be civil with me and trying the friend route but is not sure if that's going to work out either. I'm very confused on what's going on. I don't know if he just wants to be friends and he has no feelings for me or if he's trying to be my friend and then is slowly going to say this is not working. What should I do? I was thinking of just not texting him for a while... Please help me!
Yeah, start no contact for a while.
Hi Kevin,
So I did ignore him over the weekend and it's weird because he texted me asking how was my weekend. Should I not respond?
If you respond, you are encouraging him to contact you, which is a good thing. By not responding, you will probably make him miss you more and start wondering what you are upto. So it's your choice. However, if you think you need some time of no contact, then just respond and tell him that you need some space and time and you'll contact him after that.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. It's very confusing because he called and we talked and he said technically we are single but he wants to build our friendship over again because we have been pretty mean and cold towards each other in the past and he wants to remember how we initially were and wants to forget about the past and not talk about it. He said he can't make any promises if we will get back together but he still wants to be friends with me. He said he is not interested in dating anyone right now and he just wants to focus on himself. Do you think this is a good thing...or bad?
I think it's a good thing. He doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to rule out the possibility of getting back together.
I think it's a good thing. He doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to rule out the possibility of getting back together.
I think it's a good thing. He doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to rule out the possibility of getting back together.
I think it's a good thing. He doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to rule out the possibility of getting back together.
I think it's a good thing. He doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to rule out the possibility of getting back together.
I think it's a good thing. He doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to rule out the possibility of getting back together.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. It's very confusing because he called and we talked and he said technically we are single but he wants to build our friendship over again because we have been pretty mean and cold towards each other in the past and he wants to remember how we initially were and wants to forget about the past and not talk about it. He said he can't make any promises if we will get back together but he still wants to be friends with me. He said he is not interested in dating anyone right now and he just wants to focus on himself. Do you think this is a good thing...or bad?
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. It's very confusing because he called and we talked and he said technically we are single but he wants to build our friendship over again because we have been pretty mean and cold towards each other in the past and he wants to remember how we initially were and wants to forget about the past and not talk about it. He said he can't make any promises if we will get back together but he still wants to be friends with me. He said he is not interested in dating anyone right now and he just wants to focus on himself. Do you think this is a good thing...or bad?
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. It's very confusing because he called and we talked and he said technically we are single but he wants to build our friendship over again because we have been pretty mean and cold towards each other in the past and he wants to remember how we initially were and wants to forget about the past and not talk about it. He said he can't make any promises if we will get back together but he still wants to be friends with me. He said he is not interested in dating anyone right now and he just wants to focus on himself. Do you think this is a good thing...or bad?
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. It's very confusing because he called and we talked and he said technically we are single but he wants to build our friendship over again because we have been pretty mean and cold towards each other in the past and he wants to remember how we initially were and wants to forget about the past and not talk about it. He said he can't make any promises if we will get back together but he still wants to be friends with me. He said he is not interested in dating anyone right now and he just wants to focus on himself. Do you think this is a good thing...or bad?
If you respond, you are encouraging him to contact you, which is a good thing. By not responding, you will probably make him miss you more and start wondering what you are upto. So it's your choice. However, if you think you need some time of no contact, then just respond and tell him that you need some space and time and you'll contact him after that.
If you respond, you are encouraging him to contact you, which is a good thing. By not responding, you will probably make him miss you more and start wondering what you are upto. So it's your choice. However, if you think you need some time of no contact, then just respond and tell him that you need some space and time and you'll contact him after that.
If you respond, you are encouraging him to contact you, which is a good thing. By not responding, you will probably make him miss you more and start wondering what you are upto. So it's your choice. However, if you think you need some time of no contact, then just respond and tell him that you need some space and time and you'll contact him after that.
Hi Kevin,
So I did ignore him over the weekend and it's weird because he texted me asking how was my weekend. Should I not respond?
Hi Kevin,
So I did ignore him over the weekend and it's weird because he texted me asking how was my weekend. Should I not respond?
Yeah, start no contact for a while.
Hello Kevin,
I have finished the 30 day no contact and have started talking to her again. It's going good and we are talking like we used to. Is there any advice on certain ways to talk online or through texts that will help me get her back?
Hey,
I have a few in the email series at the end of the 5 step plan. I will be adding a few more in the upcoming month.
Hey,
I have a few in the email series at the end of the 5 step plan. I will be adding a few more in the upcoming month.
Kevin
After following your advice I was able to get back to a "dating" period and after a week of seeing each other I was ready to make a move. However, today I made a terrible mistake of getting mad over nothing, it drove her away. She left saying she will never let me hurt her again, that it wasn't possible to get that close. Never to ask her on a date again. I agreed calmly. What's next, I feel lost and I'm trying to accept the fact that she's gone. Is there no chance at this point?
Hey,
Shit happens. Her reactions shows that she still has strong feelings for you. Give her some time to sort out her feelings and then contact her again.
Hey,
Shit happens. Her reactions shows that she still has strong feelings for you. Give her some time to sort out her feelings and then contact her again.
Ok so I've been trying to get some advice on my situation for like weeks now and I've decided that my friends aren't gonna help me so I'm gonna reach out to the Internet. Well I broke up with my ex 6 months ago and I have dated other guys since we've broken up but it has never felt the same as it was with my ex. I feel like I shouldn't be going back to him because I did break up with him(3 times actually in our entire realtionship) we dated for about a year and every time I broke up with him was because I felt like I wasn't ready for a long term relationship but now I feel like I am ready for that and I just miss him. He hasn't dated anyone else since we've broke up and one of my friends said about 4 months ago he still had feeling for me but I haven't heard about him since then. We go to the same school and everytime he sees me in the hallway(when he is alone) he kinda stares at me but when he is with his friends he just glances(his friends hate me because of what I did to him I know it was a bad move on my part and I feel so bad about it) I literally have no idea what to do about this. Oh and also I haven't been in contact with him since we broke up. (Other than te other day when he had a close family member die and I messaged him and when he messaged back he said thanks and it means alot that you care. Please help!
Hey,
Just re-establish contact with him and start chatting. Yes, you should give it another chance if you think you are ready for a serious relationship.
Hey,
Just re-establish contact with him and start chatting. Yes, you should give it another chance if you think you are ready for a serious relationship.
Hi there, so the reason my ex broke up with me was because he said he didn't see us together long term and that our personalities clash. We were together for about a year.... Do I still have a chance with him? I've tried to move on but he's the only one I want to be with! This break up happened over a year ago.. PLEASE HELP!
Hey Elizabeth,
Do you agree with him? If so, then you should move on. If you are having a hard time moving on, try searching online for some guides on moving on. If you are sure your personalities are compatible and you two can have a great relationship together, then re-establish contact with him and see if it's possible.
Hey Elizabeth,
Do you agree with him? If so, then you should move on. If you are having a hard time moving on, try searching online for some guides on moving on. If you are sure your personalities are compatible and you two can have a great relationship together, then re-establish contact with him and see if it's possible.
Hi Kevin,
I started NC as soon as the relationship ended (5 days ago) - he stopped by to drop off some things the next day, but it was a two-second exchange. I'm definitely going to go through the entire month, but I wanted to know what you think about the situation itself. We broke up for the first time just before the New Year - I did all the things I shouldn't have (called, begged, etc). But I also improved, so we got back together 2 weeks later. We were happy for two months, but then something happened. He withdrew a bit, we began to argue, I became jealous, he left me. I resolved it, we got back together for one week, and then he left me again. I know he's having his own problems - depression, apathy, etc. He told me I'm perfect, but he doesn't feel anything, and that's not fair to me. I agreed, told him that this is the last time, and calmly saw him out. But, well, I still want him back. How would you suggest to approach him after the 30 days?
Thanks!
Hey Q,
If he is experiencing depression, then there is really nothing you can do to get him back. If he is ever able to overcome his depression, he will contact you. But I will recommend you don't keep your hopes up. He was honest about his feelings, and you should be thankful to him for that. You can try after 30 days, but if his depression is serious, your efforts will be in vain. I am sorry for breaking it to you.
Hey Q,
If he is experiencing depression, then there is really nothing you can do to get him back. If he is ever able to overcome his depression, he will contact you. But I will recommend you don't keep your hopes up. He was honest about his feelings, and you should be thankful to him for that. You can try after 30 days, but if his depression is serious, your efforts will be in vain. I am sorry for breaking it to you.
Hi Kevin
It's comforting reading your articles and heartwarming to see you reply and helped people here. I don't really know what's best for me now. I was in an OW/YM relationship with a gap of 16yrs. We met in an online game and we developed deep connections over 3 years just online and then 1 year in real life. I can literally feel his moods like when I suddenly feel frustrated while I am happily in-game and he will feed me in subsequently that he had encountered some problems or almost every time when I feel he is trying to reach me, I check my cellphone and he'd have messaged me.
The problem is, we are both not comfortable with the possible social pressures because of our age gap and so we started the last one year behind the screen. The feelings were intense online and when we are together, we only fight in game and are always able to work out any differences. Happy whenever we connects but we are never in each other's social life. Last 3mths, he was depressed and troubled, I sensed it but he doesn't wanna open up to me until last mth, he said we should break up because most of his friends are getting married and he cannot overcome the pressures and doesn't know how to face public scrutiny if we were to get married.
I agreed to the breakup and we stayed as friends online. It hurts, badly, very badly. I avoided contacting him and over the last mth it's always him who initiated the chat like every 3-4days. But like you described, every chat sets me on a miserable rollercoaster mood swing. He also told me he got to know a 'not too bad' girl at work and had started their bgr one week after we breakup. I told him to stop messaging me ever again when I hear that. He kept messaging me and promised he would never mention about her again so that I won't disappear from his life. Worse still, I am still feeling his confusion and reluctance although he doesn't admit it. I know it's his pain and not mine when they grips me because they hit me when I am in deep focus on my works and they are followed by messages from him. He would not admit it and will still flirt with me but follow up with text explaining its just a friendly kind. The pain is too much for me to take and 3 days ago I finally told him I need nc because we were never just friends, I don't like to feel like a third-party in his new bgr and I need some time to unplug.
Now, I couldn't figure out part 2 of your nc rules. I read up lately and found that what we thought impossible for OW/YM actually worked out fine for some people but it'll take tremendous courage and determination. Considering the pains we are going through, is it worth the try? Will he blame me in future if it gets too hard on him? Should I classify our problem as impossible to overcome and move on? If so, should we still be friends after the 30days nc?
Hey Zoe,
Thanks for your comment and kind words. I try to keep up with the comments but as you might have noticed, it takes me some time to reply to all of them.
Yes, OW/YM relationships do work out. But like you said, it takes courage and it seems that he doesn't want to put in the courage and determination in the relationship. It might be worth a try after NC. You can tell him about what you researched and ask him directly if he wanted to try. It's completely his decision and he will have to live with it. And if it doesn't work out, you should definitely not be friends as it will just make life harder for you.
Thanks Kevin for your precious time and efforts to reply. You've hit the nail head-on. My respects for your great insight. It's assuring to hear from the experts that I am heading in the right way as I really needed it to tell myself there's no regrets or baggages to move on with. Thanks :)
Thanks Kevin for your precious time and efforts to reply. You've hit the nail head-on. My respects for your great insight. It's assuring to hear from the experts that I am heading in the right way as I really needed it to tell myself there's no regrets or baggages to move on with. Thanks :)
Thanks Kevin for your precious time and efforts to reply. You've hit the nail head-on. My respects for your great insight. It's assuring to hear from the experts that I am heading in the right way as I really needed it to tell myself there's no regrets or baggages to move on with. Thanks :)
Hey Zoe,
Thanks for your comment and kind words. I try to keep up with the comments but as you might have noticed, it takes me some time to reply to all of them.
Yes, OW/YM relationships do work out. But like you said, it takes courage and it seems that he doesn't want to put in the courage and determination in the relationship. It might be worth a try after NC. You can tell him about what you researched and ask him directly if he wanted to try. It's completely his decision and he will have to live with it. And if it doesn't work out, you should definitely not be friends as it will just make life harder for you.
Hi i hope you could help me out, my ex bf and i had a great relationship for 4 years, he is my clyde and i was his bonnie my partner in crime.
nly reason that i could think of was when we found out that the hospital abroad wanted me to work for them for 2 years.. The deadline was at the of the month.. My ex bf ask me if i could get him any job there so he could come with me he planned to get us wed before i leave even before, i heard from his mom that for 2 weeks he was pissed off cant think clearly, he started to hang out with his officemates that are bad for him, drinking alot going to bars (which he doesn't like ) . I just let him do his thing because i think maybe this is the way for him to let his anger out that i was going away. So thats when he met the girl in their office.. I think they took advantage of him being depress and feed him with "she doesnt love you anymore" crap.
We broke up and he started dating his co worker, after 3days of the break up.. I didn't curse him, yell at him bad mouth him from other people . i keep understanding his situation on why he did it, i forgiven him i told that. . 1 week after the break i made efforts to get him back, gave him the anniversary gift i was saving up for him. A scarp book of us and lastly a video of me about 100 reasons why i love him
After he watched the video he started to blame me, practically telling me it was my fault.. I never argue back. He said "maybe im just confused, regret the idea of courting her, im not into her, just give me time, thats all i am asking, im not serious about her i cannot break up with her so just give me time"
After our confrontation i started doing NC im on 90 days NC, 4months of them going out.
I still keep in touch with his mom, he always ask me to her (how i am, do i still go to there house). I made a great impact on my ex he was proud of me, and told people i changed his live for the better, because he had a dark past.
Do you think i have great chance getting him back after i made the efforts and practically dropping form the face of the earth after? Is it a rebound?
Thank you kev x
Hey Bonnie :P,
First of all, kudos to handling the breakup so gracefully. I think you have a good chance. However, at this point, I'll recommend you get in touch with Clyde. Use one of the texts above.
Thank you for responding.. i cant txt him, because his gf keepa on snooping around his phone and even the one who's replying to his messages and acting that she is my ex (she done this with my ex mom and she wasnt happy about it). And also shes the one using his facebook acct. Updating it postingnphotos and changing his profile photo with the one shes in it.
Hey Sabrina,
In that case you have two options.
1. Just wait till his new relationship blows up because if his girlfriend continues acting like this, it will eventually end.
2. Give him call while he is at work or something. When you are sure the phone is with him.
This happened just today, my exbf contact one of our common friend in college. He said that my ex said “hi how you (insert friend name), are you with sabrina last march 13?” March 13 was the date on my Facebook status were i tagged our friend. Its funny to think, he cannot see my posts because i have my profile on private. Unless he used his little brother's account and saw my status or his mom told him that our college friend and i are talking :).
I heard that his GF is bad mouthing him on Facebook, posting a status “if you cant love me etc” and inserting his picture down below. What a rude thing to do!
Even though i handle the break up gracefully, it feels like he will never come around.. the girl has him on the throat :(
I still couldnt believe all this.. he loves me more than i love him but yet he's with another girl.
Only time can tell :( i never controlled him or get in a way of what he likes to do. i usually let him do his thing and be supportive. He already compared me to her. The last time we saw each other he told me NOT to cry or beg keep repeating it. And i was thinking the fudge, were separating and u have someone already and you're telling not to cry?? Lol sometimes i think theres a hidden meaning to it.. or am i assuming there is
I don't think there's a hidden meaning to it. He does have feelings for you and cares for you. Other than that, what he said doesn't mean much.
I don't think there's a hidden meaning to it. He does have feelings for you and cares for you. Other than that, what he said doesn't mean much.
I don't think there's a hidden meaning to it. He does have feelings for you and cares for you. Other than that, what he said doesn't mean much.
I don't think there's a hidden meaning to it. He does have feelings for you and cares for you. Other than that, what he said doesn't mean much.
I don't think there's a hidden meaning to it. He does have feelings for you and cares for you. Other than that, what he said doesn't mean much.
I don't think there's a hidden meaning to it. He does have feelings for you and cares for you. Other than that, what he said doesn't mean much.
Hi! Kev :)
I heard from his mom my ex is still asking about me, how i am etc thats a good sign right? And also the girl is controlling my exbf decision not to resign from the company because his parents are asking him to apply to a diff. Company which was his plan before when we were still together..
And i remembered what my ex told me that he would give his resignation letter and he wont see her anymore..
Yeah definitely good sign. The girl is controlling which is sort of a red flag for most guys. That means, more chances of them breaking up soon. :)
Yeah definitely good sign. The girl is controlling which is sort of a red flag for most guys. That means, more chances of them breaking up soon. :)
Yeah definitely good sign. The girl is controlling which is sort of a red flag for most guys. That means, more chances of them breaking up soon. :)
Yeah definitely good sign. The girl is controlling which is sort of a red flag for most guys. That means, more chances of them breaking up soon. :)
Yeah definitely good sign. The girl is controlling which is sort of a red flag for most guys. That means, more chances of them breaking up soon. :)
Yeah definitely good sign. The girl is controlling which is sort of a red flag for most guys. That means, more chances of them breaking up soon. :)
I had a wonderful time with my ex mom :) my ex is still asking if i still come to visit, or talk to her etc... and hes still with his bad influence single mother gf, i just want to put this out there.. that my ex is the type of guy when being cornered or pressured will make bad decisions or worst stupid ones... i think the best way to deal is to let him do his thing... but does he ever snaps out of this??
Thank you again! Im going on a date with his mom, do you think its ok to keep in touch with her? She treats me like her own daughter, she loves me because i changed his son life in a good way...
I don't see any harm in it.
I don't see any harm in it.
I don't see any harm in it.
I don't see any harm in it.
I don't see any harm in it.
I don't see any harm in it.
This happened just today, my exbf contact one of our common friend in college. He said that my ex said “hi how you (insert friend name), are you with sabrina last march 13?” March 13 was the date on my Facebook status were i tagged our friend. Its funny to think, he cannot see my posts because i have my profile on private. Unless he used his little brother's account and saw my status or his mom told him that our college friend and i are talking :).
I heard that his GF is bad mouthing him on Facebook, posting a status “if you cant love me etc” and inserting his picture down below. What a rude thing to do!
Even though i handle the break up gracefully, it feels like he will never come around.. the girl has him on the throat :(
I still couldnt believe all this.. he loves me more than i love him but yet he's with another girl.
Only time can tell :( i never controlled him or get in a way of what he likes to do. i usually let him do his thing and be supportive. He already compared me to her. The last time we saw each other he told me NOT to cry or beg keep repeating it. And i was thinking the fudge, were separating and u have someone already and you're telling not to cry?? Lol sometimes i think theres a hidden meaning to it.. or am i assuming there is
Hi! Kev :)
I heard from his mom my ex is still asking about me, how i am etc thats a good sign right? And also the girl is controlling my exbf decision not to resign from the company because his parents are asking him to apply to a diff. Company which was his plan before when we were still together..
And i remembered what my ex told me that he would give his resignation letter and he wont see her anymore..
I had a wonderful time with my ex mom :) my ex is still asking if i still come to visit, or talk to her etc... and hes still with his bad influence single mother gf, i just want to put this out there.. that my ex is the type of guy when being cornered or pressured will make bad decisions or worst stupid ones... i think the best way to deal is to let him do his thing... but does he ever snaps out of this??
Thank you again! Im going on a date with his mom, do you think its ok to keep in touch with her? She treats me like her own daughter, she loves me because i changed his son life in a good way...
This happened just today, my exbf contact one of our common friend in college. He said that my ex said “hi how you (insert friend name), are you with sabrina last march 13?” March 13 was the date on my Facebook status were i tagged our friend. Its funny to think, he cannot see my posts because i have my profile on private. Unless he used his little brother's account and saw my status or his mom told him that our college friend and i are talking :).
I heard that his GF is bad mouthing him on Facebook, posting a status “if you cant love me etc” and inserting his picture down below. What a rude thing to do!
Even though i handle the break up gracefully, it feels like he will never come around.. the girl has him on the throat :(
I still couldnt believe all this.. he loves me more than i love him but yet he's with another girl.
Only time can tell :( i never controlled him or get in a way of what he likes to do. i usually let him do his thing and be supportive. He already compared me to her. The last time we saw each other he told me NOT to cry or beg keep repeating it. And i was thinking the fudge, were separating and u have someone already and you're telling not to cry?? Lol sometimes i think theres a hidden meaning to it.. or am i assuming there is
Hi! Kev :)
I heard from his mom my ex is still asking about me, how i am etc thats a good sign right? And also the girl is controlling my exbf decision not to resign from the company because his parents are asking him to apply to a diff. Company which was his plan before when we were still together..
And i remembered what my ex told me that he would give his resignation letter and he wont see her anymore..
I had a wonderful time with my ex mom :) my ex is still asking if i still come to visit, or talk to her etc... and hes still with his bad influence single mother gf, i just want to put this out there.. that my ex is the type of guy when being cornered or pressured will make bad decisions or worst stupid ones... i think the best way to deal is to let him do his thing... but does he ever snaps out of this??
Thank you again! Im going on a date with his mom, do you think its ok to keep in touch with her? She treats me like her own daughter, she loves me because i changed his son life in a good way...
This happened just today, my exbf contact one of our common friend in college. He said that my ex said “hi how you (insert friend name), are you with sabrina last march 13?” March 13 was the date on my Facebook status were i tagged our friend. Its funny to think, he cannot see my posts because i have my profile on private. Unless he used his little brother's account and saw my status or his mom told him that our college friend and i are talking :).
I heard that his GF is bad mouthing him on Facebook, posting a status “if you cant love me etc” and inserting his picture down below. What a rude thing to do!
Even though i handle the break up gracefully, it feels like he will never come around.. the girl has him on the throat :(
I still couldnt believe all this.. he loves me more than i love him but yet he's with another girl.
Only time can tell :( i never controlled him or get in a way of what he likes to do. i usually let him do his thing and be supportive. He already compared me to her. The last time we saw each other he told me NOT to cry or beg keep repeating it. And i was thinking the fudge, were separating and u have someone already and you're telling not to cry?? Lol sometimes i think theres a hidden meaning to it.. or am i assuming there is
Hi! Kev :)
I heard from his mom my ex is still asking about me, how i am etc thats a good sign right? And also the girl is controlling my exbf decision not to resign from the company because his parents are asking him to apply to a diff. Company which was his plan before when we were still together..
And i remembered what my ex told me that he would give his resignation letter and he wont see her anymore..
I had a wonderful time with my ex mom :) my ex is still asking if i still come to visit, or talk to her etc... and hes still with his bad influence single mother gf, i just want to put this out there.. that my ex is the type of guy when being cornered or pressured will make bad decisions or worst stupid ones... i think the best way to deal is to let him do his thing... but does he ever snaps out of this??
Thank you again! Im going on a date with his mom, do you think its ok to keep in touch with her? She treats me like her own daughter, she loves me because i changed his son life in a good way...
This happened just today, my exbf contact one of our common friend in college. He said that my ex said “hi how you (insert friend name), are you with sabrina last march 13?” March 13 was the date on my Facebook status were i tagged our friend. Its funny to think, he cannot see my posts because i have my profile on private. Unless he used his little brother's account and saw my status or his mom told him that our college friend and i are talking :).
I heard that his GF is bad mouthing him on Facebook, posting a status “if you cant love me etc” and inserting his picture down below. What a rude thing to do!
Even though i handle the break up gracefully, it feels like he will never come around.. the girl has him on the throat :(
I still couldnt believe all this.. he loves me more than i love him but yet he's with another girl.
Only time can tell :( i never controlled him or get in a way of what he likes to do. i usually let him do his thing and be supportive. He already compared me to her. The last time we saw each other he told me NOT to cry or beg keep repeating it. And i was thinking the fudge, were separating and u have someone already and you're telling not to cry?? Lol sometimes i think theres a hidden meaning to it.. or am i assuming there is
Hi! Kev :)
I heard from his mom my ex is still asking about me, how i am etc thats a good sign right? And also the girl is controlling my exbf decision not to resign from the company because his parents are asking him to apply to a diff. Company which was his plan before when we were still together..
And i remembered what my ex told me that he would give his resignation letter and he wont see her anymore..
I had a wonderful time with my ex mom :) my ex is still asking if i still come to visit, or talk to her etc... and hes still with his bad influence single mother gf, i just want to put this out there.. that my ex is the type of guy when being cornered or pressured will make bad decisions or worst stupid ones... i think the best way to deal is to let him do his thing... but does he ever snaps out of this??
Thank you again! Im going on a date with his mom, do you think its ok to keep in touch with her? She treats me like her own daughter, she loves me because i changed his son life in a good way...
Hey Sabrina,
In that case you have two options.
1. Just wait till his new relationship blows up because if his girlfriend continues acting like this, it will eventually end.
2. Give him call while he is at work or something. When you are sure the phone is with him.
Hey Sabrina,
In that case you have two options.
1. Just wait till his new relationship blows up because if his girlfriend continues acting like this, it will eventually end.
2. Give him call while he is at work or something. When you are sure the phone is with him.
Hey Sabrina,
In that case you have two options.
1. Just wait till his new relationship blows up because if his girlfriend continues acting like this, it will eventually end.
2. Give him call while he is at work or something. When you are sure the phone is with him.
Thank you for responding.. i cant txt him, because his gf keepa on snooping around his phone and even the one who's replying to his messages and acting that she is my ex (she done this with my ex mom and she wasnt happy about it). And also shes the one using his facebook acct. Updating it postingnphotos and changing his profile photo with the one shes in it.
Thank you for responding.. i cant txt him, because his gf keepa on snooping around his phone and even the one who's replying to his messages and acting that she is my ex (she done this with my ex mom and she wasnt happy about it). And also shes the one using his facebook acct. Updating it postingnphotos and changing his profile photo with the one shes in it.
Hey Bonnie :P,
First of all, kudos to handling the breakup so gracefully. I think you have a good chance. However, at this point, I'll recommend you get in touch with Clyde. Use one of the texts above.
Great website Kevin. I took your advice on the thirty day no contact and have just started speaking to my ex again. I have realized I want her back. I have made improvements in my life like going to the gym and being a happier person. I went on a few dates but I didn't feel anything. What do I do know I have started talking to my ex again?
Keep talking to her. Build attraction. And then ask her out as friends.
Keep talking to her. Build attraction. And then ask her out as friends.
Hi my bf broke up with me last week saying that he still loves me but needs to be on his own . This came so out of the blue. He also said he doesn't out rule us getting back together in the future. Want him back so much.
Hey Yas,
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Yas,
Follow the 5 step plan.
I have been dating a guy for a little over 7 months and we have been absolutely great together and so happy. I have no doubt in my mind that he likes me a great deal. However he just got out of a 20 year marraige that initially had been over the last 2 years of their time. So he broke it off with me because he says he is not ready to commit and doesn't want to be unfair to me but that he does really like me its "just him not me". So I have started the NC rule and actually the only time I did try to contact him was when he initially text me this news and I said I'd rather talk in person over this disicion, only because I feel like texts have no emotions and its easier to say whatever you want rather in person you can say one thing but your reaction will tell me another (for example I would be able to tell if he was hiding his feelings over his words) but after he agreed to meet the following day to talk I just never text him to follow up and neither did he. It has only been 2 days but in 30 there is a wedding both of us will be at. What do you think?
Apply no contact for 30 days. Make positive changes in your life. Get a new look. Meet him at the wedding. Blow his mind away.
Apply no contact for 30 days. Make positive changes in your life. Get a new look. Meet him at the wedding. Blow his mind away.
Hi Kevin. I believe my situation is extremely complicated .
He broke up with me over a month ago however we still live together until he gets his new place in April. I did everything I was NOT supposed to do; act needy, cry, beg . I made scenes - I acted extremely dramatic . I'm scared I ruined the chances for good . He told me he couldn't deal with the drama and that he knows he will be much happier by himself . A few weeks after we broke up we did have a good friendship going on , we even agreed to be civil about the breakup and still talk after he moved out. Well I let the insecurities get the best of me a few days ago, made a scene and was to pushy and now I'm back go square one - except it's worse then it was when he first broke up with me . Now I literally sense that he does not care whatsoever about me . He said that he wants nothing to do with me , because I'll never Change and that he has lost hope . I asked him if there's a chance we can ever talk again the future and he said no .. I want to know if this is just his anger and feelings rigt now or if he literally wants me out of his life completely . I haven't yet did the NC rule for 30 days .. But I did successfully do It for a couple days a few times and there were times when we were so nice to each other it's hard to believe even broke up! But now I feel I really ruined it for good after what he said . What do I do :(
Apply no contact. That's your only hope.
Apply no contact. That's your only hope.
Hi Kevin,
I have found this website very informative to work my way in life after a breakup. You are a blessing to the lives of many heart broken people. May God bless you.
Regards,
Aaron
Thanks Aaron. May God bless you too.
Thanks Aaron. May God bless you too.
I read the steps and some of them fit my situation. 4 months ago my partner of 12 yrs left me and our 3 kids. and within a few days of leaving he was already living with his so called gf and her 2 boys..now I am going for child support and all of a sudden he hates my guts..and she is not helping the situation any by butting in.when he is alone and visiting the kids he is fine and makes eye contact from across the room,but once he is with her he is totally different.i love him so much and am willing to give him another chance but she is too controlling.what should I do?
Hey Dawn,
I am sorry you found yourself in this situation. No contact is going to help you. Only contact him regarding kids and try to make some positive changes in your life during that time. However, I will recommend that you be prepared for the worst. There is a chance that he might never come back. Definitely go for child support and if you haven't already, contact a lawyer immediately.
Hey Dawn,
I am sorry you found yourself in this situation. No contact is going to help you. Only contact him regarding kids and try to make some positive changes in your life during that time. However, I will recommend that you be prepared for the worst. There is a chance that he might never come back. Definitely go for child support and if you haven't already, contact a lawyer immediately.
Hey kev,
Thanks for the insight very thought provoking stuff. So my situation is kinda different. I basically inflicted this pain on myself by taking my ex for granted and pushing her into this new guy arms. So long story short me and my ex for 2 years broke up 3 weeks ago after Valentines day. We had our ups and downs like the typical relationship. However things got more rocky towards the end. She constantly cried herself to sleep every night for the last month. She basically wanted a level of commitment I wasn't comfortable giving at the time, I thought I wasn't ready. Boy am I wrong I now know i love that girl. And would do anything to get her back. However she now is dating this new guy 2 weeks after we broke up. And it seems pretty serious because the guy is always at her house and I know he stays over. So I tried like hell recently proving my love. Flowers, letters everything but its seem like its too late, which were her exact words. Idk how she can completely move on so fast its almost unfathomable, like she has no conscience. So should I just move on and forget about her? I really thought she loved me, you shouldv'e seen the intensity she displayed many times in our arguments. Please help any advice would be helpful. Is this guy for real?
I am pretty sure she is in a rebound relationship. And the relationship will end pretty soon. Apply no contact for a while and then contact her.
I am pretty sure she is in a rebound relationship. And the relationship will end pretty soon. Apply no contact for a while and then contact her.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago after 14 yrs, we own a house together, and have seen each other a few time within the month. He came over for dinner last week and it went well, but he still seems very distant. I love him dearly and we both could have handled things differently during our relationship. He gave me the reason of it was because of an argument that made the decision on leaving and then I love you just not in love with you line and he thinks that the issues we had couldn't make his love grow. Then he said that he want to break up before things got bad and we would have this sense of "hatred" for each other and he didn't want those negative feelings to happen after being together for so long to the point we would never talk again. See we got back together 5 yrs ago after a break up we had that lasted a few months, he said when we got back together we took on too much and let stuff get in the way of what we should have been accomplishing, bought a house then got a dog then got another dog and never really healed from the breakup previously and we just went downhill from there. At dinner the other day he stated that he could have handled things differently while we were together, I agreed that we definitely need time to heal. He once said to me when we talked about selling the house that we don;t know where we will be and we can cross that bridge when the time comes. He is staying with a friend for now but told me that he can't stay there long and sort of left it at that. He will contact me about things with the house or to ask me about stuff but he doesn't really respond when I reply back through text messaging. I ordered the relationship rewind, but am not sure what stage we are in is he in the turbulent stage or indifferent stage. What is your advice?
Hey Jamie,
I am sorry you had to go through it. 14 years is a long time and I sincerely hope things work out for you. I think you are in drift. Follow the advice in Relationship Rewind. If you want, you can start with a little bit of no contact before following relationship rewind (I know RR advises against it, but in your case, giving him a little time might actually help).
Hi Kevin,
Thanks so much. Why does RR advise against it? I am very confused by that program...when to send letter, etc...so if we are in drift than sending the letter is not going to work right now? Owning a house makes it difficult for communication, however lately he isn't responding to anything ( I am only contacting him in regards to the house) and then out of the blue I will get a text -"hey download the bank app and deposit a check into our account" No response to anything else that was sent previously. It can be very frustrating, but I know these are normal stages. We have been down this road once before and your program is right if not healed you"ll only fall into the same situation and well here we are and it's sad and a shame. So if he is not contacting or responding then are we still in drift or hitting DD? I feel like he is being indifferent but then again I felt things before and was completely wrong, it's like my mind likes to play cruel tricks on me and is being my worst enemy.
- I truly love him and I know we have had our share of problems but what relationship hasn't we just could have handled those situations better, maybe then we wouldn't be where we are. He was never good at talking, he would shut down and let things build and then blow up and leave.
I think you are still in drift. I think sending the letter can still work while you are in drift.
Thank you, today he had to come to get my signature for one of our accounts. Our conversation didn't go so well, so we shall see.
Thank you, today he had to come to get my signature for one of our accounts. Our conversation didn't go so well, so we shall see.
Thank you, today he had to come to get my signature for one of our accounts. Our conversation didn't go so well, so we shall see.
Thank you, today he had to come to get my signature for one of our accounts. Our conversation didn't go so well, so we shall see.
Thank you, today he had to come to get my signature for one of our accounts. Our conversation didn't go so well, so we shall see.
I think you are still in drift. I think sending the letter can still work while you are in drift.
I think you are still in drift. I think sending the letter can still work while you are in drift.
I think you are still in drift. I think sending the letter can still work while you are in drift.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks so much. Why does RR advise against it? I am very confused by that program...when to send letter, etc...so if we are in drift than sending the letter is not going to work right now? Owning a house makes it difficult for communication, however lately he isn't responding to anything ( I am only contacting him in regards to the house) and then out of the blue I will get a text -"hey download the bank app and deposit a check into our account" No response to anything else that was sent previously. It can be very frustrating, but I know these are normal stages. We have been down this road once before and your program is right if not healed you"ll only fall into the same situation and well here we are and it's sad and a shame. So if he is not contacting or responding then are we still in drift or hitting DD? I feel like he is being indifferent but then again I felt things before and was completely wrong, it's like my mind likes to play cruel tricks on me and is being my worst enemy.
- I truly love him and I know we have had our share of problems but what relationship hasn't we just could have handled those situations better, maybe then we wouldn't be where we are. He was never good at talking, he would shut down and let things build and then blow up and leave.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks so much. Why does RR advise against it? I am very confused by that program...when to send letter, etc...so if we are in drift than sending the letter is not going to work right now? Owning a house makes it difficult for communication, however lately he isn't responding to anything ( I am only contacting him in regards to the house) and then out of the blue I will get a text -"hey download the bank app and deposit a check into our account" No response to anything else that was sent previously. It can be very frustrating, but I know these are normal stages. We have been down this road once before and your program is right if not healed you"ll only fall into the same situation and well here we are and it's sad and a shame. So if he is not contacting or responding then are we still in drift or hitting DD? I feel like he is being indifferent but then again I felt things before and was completely wrong, it's like my mind likes to play cruel tricks on me and is being my worst enemy.
- I truly love him and I know we have had our share of problems but what relationship hasn't we just could have handled those situations better, maybe then we wouldn't be where we are. He was never good at talking, he would shut down and let things build and then blow up and leave.
Hey Jamie,
I am sorry you had to go through it. 14 years is a long time and I sincerely hope things work out for you. I think you are in drift. Follow the advice in Relationship Rewind. If you want, you can start with a little bit of no contact before following relationship rewind (I know RR advises against it, but in your case, giving him a little time might actually help).
Ya, so after 4 weeks of NC....nothing.....I tried calling him just got worse....He won't talk to me still, even changed his number. great....now what
Hey T,
Did you try sending the letter first? And did you try messaging him first? If you didn't, I'll suggest you wait another week and send him the letter. Then, wait another two weeks and then use the texts.
but while being friends, what if he starts to be with another girl, he doesn't put his time for me anymore, and right now were both too busy for eachother. He has work all afternoon till later after midnight, and I'm at school all day...it not like before anymore.
Same with the weekends, except sunday.
He was being a total jerk before I even sent the letter.....
How was he being a jerk before you sent the letter? Were you in contact with him? Did you apply no contact?
At the time, when he was commited to me and i didn't like him back then... he told me he was dating other girls and such.....i was so confident about him, i didn't worry about it as i knew his thought process of trying to get me jealous or to pay attention to him, to use other girls to get over me......so i left him be....i made him wait 7 years so i can study how much he did love me, now i have to worry about every part of this stuff.....i want that commited man back to me.....i loved it back then, when i was the dominant one.....is this supposed karma.....:(
It's not Karma. It's just basic psychology. As long as you are the needy one, he will have the power. You need to start having the same attitude as you had before to make him committed to you as he was before. And agreeing to be his friend is not a bad idea. It's a good opportunity to make him attracted to you again and show him your confidence and the positive changes you have made during the no contact.
It's not Karma. It's just basic psychology. As long as you are the needy one, he will have the power. You need to start having the same attitude as you had before to make him committed to you as he was before. And agreeing to be his friend is not a bad idea. It's a good opportunity to make him attracted to you again and show him your confidence and the positive changes you have made during the no contact.
It's not Karma. It's just basic psychology. As long as you are the needy one, he will have the power. You need to start having the same attitude as you had before to make him committed to you as he was before. And agreeing to be his friend is not a bad idea. It's a good opportunity to make him attracted to you again and show him your confidence and the positive changes you have made during the no contact.
It's not Karma. It's just basic psychology. As long as you are the needy one, he will have the power. You need to start having the same attitude as you had before to make him committed to you as he was before. And agreeing to be his friend is not a bad idea. It's a good opportunity to make him attracted to you again and show him your confidence and the positive changes you have made during the no contact.
It's not Karma. It's just basic psychology. As long as you are the needy one, he will have the power. You need to start having the same attitude as you had before to make him committed to you as he was before. And agreeing to be his friend is not a bad idea. It's a good opportunity to make him attracted to you again and show him your confidence and the positive changes you have made during the no contact.
It's not Karma. It's just basic psychology. As long as you are the needy one, he will have the power. You need to start having the same attitude as you had before to make him committed to you as he was before. And agreeing to be his friend is not a bad idea. It's a good opportunity to make him attracted to you again and show him your confidence and the positive changes you have made during the no contact.
self-confidence.....what i lacked the most.....i remember those words when he told me that ..... anyways he'll give me chance as friends....the thing is i don't want to be friends, i want to be together right now, as were both 22 and i don't want to end up getting married late in life, at the same time i'm scared that he will look at other girls, and his feelings will wander if i'm not his gf, there will nothing to hold him back. That what i'm afraid of the most......if i hadn't lost him in the first place......he was so commited to me back then , i didn't have to worry about a thing....now i'm the one getting friend - zoned????
Oh, and yes I did apply the no contact after what happen....
Its a long story.....remember when I said I went to go see him the last time....well I seen a completely different side of him, he betrayed and hurted me. Its a long story, maybe I'll tell you over email....right now I don't really want to reminiscence about what happen again, since its already been a month there alot of backstory I haven't mentioned.
Hey T,
It seems he is still angry and still thinks of you as a needy person who is trying to get him back. IF you want to get him back, you will have to position yourself as a confident person who doesn't want him back and only wants to be friends. I think you should apply no contact again, this time a little longer than 30 days. And during that time, I want you to try to actually move on. I want you to make yourself realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. I want you to start making an effort to become a happy and confident person without him.
Hey T,
It seems he is still angry and still thinks of you as a needy person who is trying to get him back. IF you want to get him back, you will have to position yourself as a confident person who doesn't want him back and only wants to be friends. I think you should apply no contact again, this time a little longer than 30 days. And during that time, I want you to try to actually move on. I want you to make yourself realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. I want you to start making an effort to become a happy and confident person without him.
Hey T,
It seems he is still angry and still thinks of you as a needy person who is trying to get him back. IF you want to get him back, you will have to position yourself as a confident person who doesn't want him back and only wants to be friends. I think you should apply no contact again, this time a little longer than 30 days. And during that time, I want you to try to actually move on. I want you to make yourself realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. I want you to start making an effort to become a happy and confident person without him.
Hey T,
It seems he is still angry and still thinks of you as a needy person who is trying to get him back. IF you want to get him back, you will have to position yourself as a confident person who doesn't want him back and only wants to be friends. I think you should apply no contact again, this time a little longer than 30 days. And during that time, I want you to try to actually move on. I want you to make yourself realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. I want you to start making an effort to become a happy and confident person without him.
Hey T,
It seems he is still angry and still thinks of you as a needy person who is trying to get him back. IF you want to get him back, you will have to position yourself as a confident person who doesn't want him back and only wants to be friends. I think you should apply no contact again, this time a little longer than 30 days. And during that time, I want you to try to actually move on. I want you to make yourself realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. I want you to start making an effort to become a happy and confident person without him.
Hey T,
It seems he is still angry and still thinks of you as a needy person who is trying to get him back. IF you want to get him back, you will have to position yourself as a confident person who doesn't want him back and only wants to be friends. I think you should apply no contact again, this time a little longer than 30 days. And during that time, I want you to try to actually move on. I want you to make yourself realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. I want you to start making an effort to become a happy and confident person without him.
At the time, when he was commited to me and i didn't like him back then... he told me he was dating other girls and such.....i was so confident about him, i didn't worry about it as i knew his thought process of trying to get me jealous or to pay attention to him, to use other girls to get over me......so i left him be....i made him wait 7 years so i can study how much he did love me, now i have to worry about every part of this stuff.....i want that commited man back to me.....i loved it back then, when i was the dominant one.....is this supposed karma.....:(
self-confidence.....what i lacked the most.....i remember those words when he told me that ..... anyways he'll give me chance as friends....the thing is i don't want to be friends, i want to be together right now, as were both 22 and i don't want to end up getting married late in life, at the same time i'm scared that he will look at other girls, and his feelings will wander if i'm not his gf, there will nothing to hold him back. That what i'm afraid of the most......if i hadn't lost him in the first place......he was so commited to me back then , i didn't have to worry about a thing....now i'm the one getting friend - zoned????
Oh, and yes I did apply the no contact after what happen....
Its a long story.....remember when I said I went to go see him the last time....well I seen a completely different side of him, he betrayed and hurted me. Its a long story, maybe I'll tell you over email....right now I don't really want to reminiscence about what happen again, since its already been a month there alot of backstory I haven't mentioned.
At the time, when he was commited to me and i didn't like him back then... he told me he was dating other girls and such.....i was so confident about him, i didn't worry about it as i knew his thought process of trying to get me jealous or to pay attention to him, to use other girls to get over me......so i left him be....i made him wait 7 years so i can study how much he did love me, now i have to worry about every part of this stuff.....i want that commited man back to me.....i loved it back then, when i was the dominant one.....is this supposed karma.....:(
self-confidence.....what i lacked the most.....i remember those words when he told me that ..... anyways he'll give me chance as friends....the thing is i don't want to be friends, i want to be together right now, as were both 22 and i don't want to end up getting married late in life, at the same time i'm scared that he will look at other girls, and his feelings will wander if i'm not his gf, there will nothing to hold him back. That what i'm afraid of the most......if i hadn't lost him in the first place......he was so commited to me back then , i didn't have to worry about a thing....now i'm the one getting friend - zoned????
Oh, and yes I did apply the no contact after what happen....
Its a long story.....remember when I said I went to go see him the last time....well I seen a completely different side of him, he betrayed and hurted me. Its a long story, maybe I'll tell you over email....right now I don't really want to reminiscence about what happen again, since its already been a month there alot of backstory I haven't mentioned.
At the time, when he was commited to me and i didn't like him back then... he told me he was dating other girls and such.....i was so confident about him, i didn't worry about it as i knew his thought process of trying to get me jealous or to pay attention to him, to use other girls to get over me......so i left him be....i made him wait 7 years so i can study how much he did love me, now i have to worry about every part of this stuff.....i want that commited man back to me.....i loved it back then, when i was the dominant one.....is this supposed karma.....:(
self-confidence.....what i lacked the most.....i remember those words when he told me that ..... anyways he'll give me chance as friends....the thing is i don't want to be friends, i want to be together right now, as were both 22 and i don't want to end up getting married late in life, at the same time i'm scared that he will look at other girls, and his feelings will wander if i'm not his gf, there will nothing to hold him back. That what i'm afraid of the most......if i hadn't lost him in the first place......he was so commited to me back then , i didn't have to worry about a thing....now i'm the one getting friend - zoned????
Oh, and yes I did apply the no contact after what happen....
Its a long story.....remember when I said I went to go see him the last time....well I seen a completely different side of him, he betrayed and hurted me. Its a long story, maybe I'll tell you over email....right now I don't really want to reminiscence about what happen again, since its already been a month there alot of backstory I haven't mentioned.
At the time, when he was commited to me and i didn't like him back then... he told me he was dating other girls and such.....i was so confident about him, i didn't worry about it as i knew his thought process of trying to get me jealous or to pay attention to him, to use other girls to get over me......so i left him be....i made him wait 7 years so i can study how much he did love me, now i have to worry about every part of this stuff.....i want that commited man back to me.....i loved it back then, when i was the dominant one.....is this supposed karma.....:(
self-confidence.....what i lacked the most.....i remember those words when he told me that ..... anyways he'll give me chance as friends....the thing is i don't want to be friends, i want to be together right now, as were both 22 and i don't want to end up getting married late in life, at the same time i'm scared that he will look at other girls, and his feelings will wander if i'm not his gf, there will nothing to hold him back. That what i'm afraid of the most......if i hadn't lost him in the first place......he was so commited to me back then , i didn't have to worry about a thing....now i'm the one getting friend - zoned????
Oh, and yes I did apply the no contact after what happen....
Its a long story.....remember when I said I went to go see him the last time....well I seen a completely different side of him, he betrayed and hurted me. Its a long story, maybe I'll tell you over email....right now I don't really want to reminiscence about what happen again, since its already been a month there alot of backstory I haven't mentioned.
plus i doubt he even read it
How was he being a jerk before you sent the letter? Were you in contact with him? Did you apply no contact?
plus i doubt he even read it
How was he being a jerk before you sent the letter? Were you in contact with him? Did you apply no contact?
plus i doubt he even read it
How was he being a jerk before you sent the letter? Were you in contact with him? Did you apply no contact?
plus i doubt he even read it
I have tried messaging him first, i did last night and i got reply on google hangouts...its the only way i could contact him now, since he blocked off everything else. I 'm trying to think if i should stay being friends with him for awhile, and he start to see how fun it used to be spending and talking together or should i wait a few more months till actually wants to talk and stop being a total jerk. He's being indifferent......that letter didn't work. I feel like it just made it worse, or i never gave it much time after i sent the letter ( i said a lot of goodbyes), i couldn't take it and started calling him after a day of sending the letter, but he never mentioned anything about it. That letter useless now, right now he talk to me but it still hurts, since he tells me he dating someone else and slept with someone else, but i feel that he's just doing that to hurt me and get me to move on. And like i said, i couldn't use the texts either way, he blocked me from text, calls, facebook, any other messenging apps, skype, msn, oovoo.....google hangouts is supposedly the only way. Worse of all, i been dreaming about him all week, and it seems he still want me in a sexual way, but i tell him NO....he's being a total jerk, it making me hurt and frusturated, making me regret not taking the break in the first place, none of this would've happen. I was always his priority now he won't tell me anything.
Ahhhh....I can't take this, he's being a complete jerk, its frustrating me. I don't understand why guys do this after a break up. He used to be so loving, gentle, and so caring with me now he's a complete jerk who intentionally tries to hurt me.....
Hey T,
I think the reason he is hurting you is because you are letting him hurt you. You defeated the purpose of the letter by calling him right after that. The purpose of the letter is to make them realize you are not needy anymore. By calling him instantly, you made him think that the letter was just a sly attempt to get him to talk to you.
I think a little bit of no contact might help you again. If you can establish that you just want to be friends, then you should do that. However, I don't think it's possible at this moment, since he knows you are desperate to be with him.
Hey T,
I think the reason he is hurting you is because you are letting him hurt you. You defeated the purpose of the letter by calling him right after that. The purpose of the letter is to make them realize you are not needy anymore. By calling him instantly, you made him think that the letter was just a sly attempt to get him to talk to you.
I think a little bit of no contact might help you again. If you can establish that you just want to be friends, then you should do that. However, I don't think it's possible at this moment, since he knows you are desperate to be with him.
Hey T,
I think the reason he is hurting you is because you are letting him hurt you. You defeated the purpose of the letter by calling him right after that. The purpose of the letter is to make them realize you are not needy anymore. By calling him instantly, you made him think that the letter was just a sly attempt to get him to talk to you.
I think a little bit of no contact might help you again. If you can establish that you just want to be friends, then you should do that. However, I don't think it's possible at this moment, since he knows you are desperate to be with him.
Hey T,
I think the reason he is hurting you is because you are letting him hurt you. You defeated the purpose of the letter by calling him right after that. The purpose of the letter is to make them realize you are not needy anymore. By calling him instantly, you made him think that the letter was just a sly attempt to get him to talk to you.
I think a little bit of no contact might help you again. If you can establish that you just want to be friends, then you should do that. However, I don't think it's possible at this moment, since he knows you are desperate to be with him.
Hey T,
I think the reason he is hurting you is because you are letting him hurt you. You defeated the purpose of the letter by calling him right after that. The purpose of the letter is to make them realize you are not needy anymore. By calling him instantly, you made him think that the letter was just a sly attempt to get him to talk to you.
I think a little bit of no contact might help you again. If you can establish that you just want to be friends, then you should do that. However, I don't think it's possible at this moment, since he knows you are desperate to be with him.
Ahhhh....I can't take this, he's being a complete jerk, its frustrating me. I don't understand why guys do this after a break up. He used to be so loving, gentle, and so caring with me now he's a complete jerk who intentionally tries to hurt me.....
Ahhhh....I can't take this, he's being a complete jerk, its frustrating me. I don't understand why guys do this after a break up. He used to be so loving, gentle, and so caring with me now he's a complete jerk who intentionally tries to hurt me.....
Ahhhh....I can't take this, he's being a complete jerk, its frustrating me. I don't understand why guys do this after a break up. He used to be so loving, gentle, and so caring with me now he's a complete jerk who intentionally tries to hurt me.....
but while being friends, what if he starts to be with another girl, he doesn't put his time for me anymore, and right now were both too busy for eachother. He has work all afternoon till later after midnight, and I'm at school all day...it not like before anymore.
Same with the weekends, except sunday.
He was being a total jerk before I even sent the letter.....
I have tried messaging him first, i did last night and i got reply on google hangouts...its the only way i could contact him now, since he blocked off everything else. I 'm trying to think if i should stay being friends with him for awhile, and he start to see how fun it used to be spending and talking together or should i wait a few more months till actually wants to talk and stop being a total jerk. He's being indifferent......that letter didn't work. I feel like it just made it worse, or i never gave it much time after i sent the letter ( i said a lot of goodbyes), i couldn't take it and started calling him after a day of sending the letter, but he never mentioned anything about it. That letter useless now, right now he talk to me but it still hurts, since he tells me he dating someone else and slept with someone else, but i feel that he's just doing that to hurt me and get me to move on. And like i said, i couldn't use the texts either way, he blocked me from text, calls, facebook, any other messenging apps, skype, msn, oovoo.....google hangouts is supposedly the only way. Worse of all, i been dreaming about him all week, and it seems he still want me in a sexual way, but i tell him NO....he's being a total jerk, it making me hurt and frusturated, making me regret not taking the break in the first place, none of this would've happen. I was always his priority now he won't tell me anything.
but while being friends, what if he starts to be with another girl, he doesn't put his time for me anymore, and right now were both too busy for eachother. He has work all afternoon till later after midnight, and I'm at school all day...it not like before anymore.
Same with the weekends, except sunday.
He was being a total jerk before I even sent the letter.....
I have tried messaging him first, i did last night and i got reply on google hangouts...its the only way i could contact him now, since he blocked off everything else. I 'm trying to think if i should stay being friends with him for awhile, and he start to see how fun it used to be spending and talking together or should i wait a few more months till actually wants to talk and stop being a total jerk. He's being indifferent......that letter didn't work. I feel like it just made it worse, or i never gave it much time after i sent the letter ( i said a lot of goodbyes), i couldn't take it and started calling him after a day of sending the letter, but he never mentioned anything about it. That letter useless now, right now he talk to me but it still hurts, since he tells me he dating someone else and slept with someone else, but i feel that he's just doing that to hurt me and get me to move on. And like i said, i couldn't use the texts either way, he blocked me from text, calls, facebook, any other messenging apps, skype, msn, oovoo.....google hangouts is supposedly the only way. Worse of all, i been dreaming about him all week, and it seems he still want me in a sexual way, but i tell him NO....he's being a total jerk, it making me hurt and frusturated, making me regret not taking the break in the first place, none of this would've happen. I was always his priority now he won't tell me anything.
Hey T,
Did you try sending the letter first? And did you try messaging him first? If you didn't, I'll suggest you wait another week and send him the letter. Then, wait another two weeks and then use the texts.
My ex of nearly 2years broke up with me a month ago and during this month we were still having to see each other for various occasions. This was really hard given I still had feelings for him and he still had feelings for me just not enough to have stayed in the relationship with me. We acted like we were working things out but this last week that we talked it seemed more like friends with benefits and confused feelings. He says he broke up with me because he doesn't want a relationship and doesn't love me anymore despite a week after breaking up with me meeting someone new whom he wants a relationship with...I'm feeling very raw and heartbroken. Especially since I'm still in love with him and don't believe we are ready to call time on our relationship. He agreed to that in time we could reevaluate our relationship but that light gets dimmer by the moment given he wants to pursue her who is younger than me and him by few years (5). Since we spoke he seems to be having stabs at me with pages he likes on fb stating things are brighter on the otherside, or show that someone else will be better than me or showing that he doesnt want me around. I would love a chance to start again but wondering if this is at all possible given I was his first relationship and he's pursuing her. I have started no contact but he still appears bitter to me given fb likes on pages. Thanks
Hey Liss,
There is a chance that his new relationship will be a rebound. However, since this was his first relationship, it could be that he is experiencing GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). He wants to go out and explore and he also wants you to wait around for him in case he doesn't find someone better than you. I'll suggest you apply no contact and start dating as soon as you are ready. If he realizes that he might lose you forever, he might want to come back sooner.
Hey Liss,
There is a chance that his new relationship will be a rebound. However, since this was his first relationship, it could be that he is experiencing GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). He wants to go out and explore and he also wants you to wait around for him in case he doesn't find someone better than you. I'll suggest you apply no contact and start dating as soon as you are ready. If he realizes that he might lose you forever, he might want to come back sooner.
Hi ,
My first love broke up with me and said he has changed and isn't the boy who I fell in love with. 3 months later I found out that his first love who had left him for his mate came back apologizing I was completely heartbroken cause I was fighting and txting him to come back to me. But he chose her And then she has left him again I'm not sure why but I've done everything humanly possible to make him realise she never fought or cared as much as I have but he can't see it. He's been horrible when he was with her and said he's sorry he just doesn't want to be with me I agree I txted him and begged him back. But then I told him she would leave him again and he said no they made promises the same ones me and him made he told me to stop dragging the past and move on and I'm wasting my time. Then the next day after I told him that she would leave him he txt me after 6 months of fighting for him everyday he txt me saying heyy u okay I was incredibly shocked cause I thought he had realised I played it subtle and then 3 days later I contacted him saying hi and he blanked it he replies on his terms. He recently told me he has no feelings for me deep down and doesn't want to be with anyone he's done with relationships. I've done soo much and it kills me he can't see it. He said he cant love me as much as he has loved her cause she's his first love but I've done everything and she doesn't bother. Help!!!
Hey Tasha,
Perhaps he feels he loves that girl so much because she doesn't care about him as much as you. Maybe he feels he loves her so much because she rejects him. I think you should apply no contact and send the letter mentioned in this article.
Hey Tasha,
Perhaps he feels he loves that girl so much because she doesn't care about him as much as you. Maybe he feels he loves her so much because she rejects him. I think you should apply no contact and send the letter mentioned in this article.
Great stuff, Kevin. My situation is that she and I have been best friends for years and do everything together. She's wanted to move toward marriage for a long time, while I have trouble even saying we're dating—this despite the fact that I can't imagine not being with her. Stupid, right? She's ended our relationship a couple times but we come back to the same relationship again, partly because I tell her I'll change. I always fully intend to but never move us closer to marriage. Maybe laziness, I'm not sure. Anyway, she's fed up again (rightfully so) so we're done again and haven't spoken in about four days. I want to call her and actually get things done that I've promised (calling her my girlfriend, going to family functions with her, working toward marriage) but I'm sure I'd sound desperate, not to mention full of crap. Even though she ended things, is this still a good idea to not contact her? p.s. Yes, I understand that I sound like an no good idiot, but hey, it's the situation I'm in. Thanks!
Martin, Your situation sounds exactly like mine, however I'm the woman in the relationship. We are best friends--inseparable at times. We own a business together. We have more fun together than two people should be allowed, have incredible intimacy, and really like each other's brains. BUT, every 3-4 months (like clockwork) he'll start to get really close, share "I love you", then will pull away. This time he went off the grid for two weeks. After a ridiculous fight about his ex, I finally had enough and I broke up with him two days ago.
I love him with my whole heart. He is a pain in my butt at times, stubborn, emotionally fragile and short-tempered, but I'm not perfect either. I can see a future with him. I want to spend my life with him. But, I had to break up with him. He's not willing to commit to working through the adult feelings in the relationship and I'm not convinced he ever will be. Like you, he won't call me his girlfriend in public, there is no family interaction, and there is no talk of the future. After three years, why should I keep waiting? Maybe your girlfriend feels the same way.
I thought about it last night and I would take him back--after a break. He would need to show me some growth. He would blow me away if he did something BOLD to really show his commitment. Inviting me to dinner with his parents would change my entire outlook and do a lot to diminish the doubt.
Maybe your girlfriend does want to be with you, too. Maybe a little soul-searching will help you decide what's holding you back. If she's what you want, please, on behalf of all women out there--make it a wonderful homecoming for her. Make it count. :-)
Hey Martin,
Perhaps deep inside you really are not ready for marriage. Perhaps, your hearts wants you to find someone else. I don't know what your situation is but if I were her, I would think like this. The reason no contact is important right now is because it will give you time to really figure out what you want. And it will show her that you took some time to think about what you want in life instead of just saying what she wants to hear just to get her back. In fact, go for therapy and try to find out the underlying reason for you not wanting to commit till now. It will show her some real sign of change. If you want, you can tell her before no contact that you are going to do some soul searching and you will be contacting her after some time.
Martin, Your situation sounds exactly like mine, however I'm the woman in the relationship. We are best friends--inseparable at times. We own a business together. We have more fun together than two people should be allowed, have incredible intimacy, and really like each other's brains. BUT, every 3-4 months (like clockwork) he'll start to get really close, share "I love you", then will pull away. This time he went off the grid for two weeks. After a ridiculous fight about his ex, I finally had enough and I broke up with him two days ago.
I love him with my whole heart. He is a pain in my butt at times, stubborn, emotionally fragile and short-tempered, but I'm not perfect either. I can see a future with him. I want to spend my life with him. But, I had to break up with him. He's not willing to commit to working through the adult feelings in the relationship and I'm not convinced he ever will be. Like you, he won't call me his girlfriend in public, there is no family interaction, and there is no talk of the future. After three years, why should I keep waiting? Maybe your girlfriend feels the same way.
I thought about it last night and I would take him back--after a break. He would need to show me some growth. He would blow me away if he did something BOLD to really show his commitment. Inviting me to dinner with his parents would change my entire outlook and do a lot to diminish the doubt.
Maybe your girlfriend does want to be with you, too. Maybe a little soul-searching will help you decide what's holding you back. If she's what you want, please, on behalf of all women out there--make it a wonderful homecoming for her. Make it count. :-)
Hey Martin,
Perhaps deep inside you really are not ready for marriage. Perhaps, your hearts wants you to find someone else. I don't know what your situation is but if I were her, I would think like this. The reason no contact is important right now is because it will give you time to really figure out what you want. And it will show her that you took some time to think about what you want in life instead of just saying what she wants to hear just to get her back. In fact, go for therapy and try to find out the underlying reason for you not wanting to commit till now. It will show her some real sign of change. If you want, you can tell her before no contact that you are going to do some soul searching and you will be contacting her after some time.
My ex has blocked me on everything Facebook text and everything so how is the 30 day rule going to work. Plus we see each other everyday during the week how should I act should I not say hello should I ignore him?
Say hello if it's appropriate to say hello. Just don't have any personal conversation with him. Treat him like an acquaintance.
Kevin, I have been dating this girl for over a year and 8 months, I was living in the USA when I came to Brazil to visit my family and I met her, we started dating and I love her so much, I gave up my college in New Hampshire, my job, my life to be with her. She was also in college when we met, then she took a leave and came to live with me, we rented a place, both of us started working, we had our problems but we always solved them... Then two months ago I told her that I had talked to my ex like 6 times on the past year, just to wish her happy birthday, and i told her i didn't like my ex anymore, i just considered her a good friend and a nice person. She wanted to break up but i asked her not to because i never cheated on her and I gave everything up for her, and that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, she accepted... But we were fighting so much, everything I said she would get angry for no reason, than she started no replying my texts, when I came home one day she was at her friends house and she didnt care to come back... anyway.. things got worse she started treating me like shit, then she went to her moms home for the holiday (he mom hates me and doesnt accept our relationship), then she came back and the next day she broke up with me... since then i have been living in hell, she is still sharing the place with me, and sends me mixed signals... I just want to be with her, I want to be there for her every minute, and grow old being beside her... I miss her smile and I miss her, even her bad moments, I just want my girlfriend back. What can I do?
Hey Jordanne,
Sorry you are in this situation. I know it sucks, but you have to accept the possibility that she might never come back. You might even have to leave this life and go back to the USA. I think she was completely unreasonable for treating you the way she treated you. I know you think you two were perfect, but if you were, she wouldn't have left you even though you never did anything wrong. I will advise you to do no contact, but it'll be hard since you two live together. Regardless, apply limited no contact, and try finding another place if you plan to stay in Brazil.
Hey Jordanne,
Sorry you are in this situation. I know it sucks, but you have to accept the possibility that she might never come back. You might even have to leave this life and go back to the USA. I think she was completely unreasonable for treating you the way she treated you. I know you think you two were perfect, but if you were, she wouldn't have left you even though you never did anything wrong. I will advise you to do no contact, but it'll be hard since you two live together. Regardless, apply limited no contact, and try finding another place if you plan to stay in Brazil.
Hey Jordanne,
Sorry you are in this situation. I know it sucks, but you have to accept the possibility that she might never come back. You might even have to leave this life and go back to the USA. I think she was completely unreasonable for treating you the way she treated you. I know you think you two were perfect, but if you were, she wouldn't have left you even though you never did anything wrong. I will advise you to do no contact, but it'll be hard since you two live together. Regardless, apply limited no contact, and try finding another place if you plan to stay in Brazil.
Hey Jordanne,
Sorry you are in this situation. I know it sucks, but you have to accept the possibility that she might never come back. You might even have to leave this life and go back to the USA. I think she was completely unreasonable for treating you the way she treated you. I know you think you two were perfect, but if you were, she wouldn't have left you even though you never did anything wrong. I will advise you to do no contact, but it'll be hard since you two live together. Regardless, apply limited no contact, and try finding another place if you plan to stay in Brazil.
Kevin, I have been dating this girl for over a year and 8 months, I was living in the USA when I came to Brazil to visit my family and I met her, we started dating and I love her so much, I gave up my college in New Hampshire, my job, my life to be with her. She was also in college when we met, then she took a leave and came to live with me, we rented a place, both of us started working, we had our problems but we always solved them... Then two months ago I told her that I had talked to my ex like 6 times on the past year, just to wish her happy birthday, and i told her i didn't like my ex anymore, i just considered her a good friend and a nice person. She wanted to break up but i asked her not to because i never cheated on her and I gave everything up for her, and that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, she accepted... But we were fighting so much, everything I said she would get angry for no reason, than she started no replying my texts, when I came home one day she was at her friends house and she didnt care to come back... anyway.. things got worse she started treating me like shit, then she went to her moms home for the holiday (he mom hates me and doesnt accept our relationship), then she came back and the next day she broke up with me... since then i have been living in hell, she is still sharing the place with me, and sends me mixed signals... I just want to be with her, I want to be there for her every minute, and grow old being beside her... I miss her smile and I miss her, even her bad moments, I just want my girlfriend back. What can I do?
Kevin, I have been dating this girl for over a year and 8 months, I was living in the USA when I came to Brazil to visit my family and I met her, we started dating and I love her so much, I gave up my college in New Hampshire, my job, my life to be with her. She was also in college when we met, then she took a leave and came to live with me, we rented a place, both of us started working, we had our problems but we always solved them... Then two months ago I told her that I had talked to my ex like 6 times on the past year, just to wish her happy birthday, and i told her i didn't like my ex anymore, i just considered her a good friend and a nice person. She wanted to break up but i asked her not to because i never cheated on her and I gave everything up for her, and that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, she accepted... But we were fighting so much, everything I said she would get angry for no reason, than she started no replying my texts, when I came home one day she was at her friends house and she didnt care to come back... anyway.. things got worse she started treating me like shit, then she went to her moms home for the holiday (he mom hates me and doesnt accept our relationship), then she came back and the next day she broke up with me... since then i have been living in hell, she is still sharing the place with me, and sends me mixed signals... I just want to be with her, I want to be there for her every minute, and grow old being beside her... I miss her smile and I miss her, even her bad moments, I just want my girlfriend back. What can I do?
Say hello if it's appropriate to say hello. Just don't have any personal conversation with him. Treat him like an acquaintance.
Hey
I recently broke up with my gf for 2 weeks. I had been with her for 4 months it's not a long time period of time but I love her a lot. I met this girl online,we have been chatting for 2 days before our first meet up. During our meet up we had sex. Before we did it I felt bad as I had a gf and i did not want to be do it. However, I still did it.. After the whole incident I felt really guilty soo I went to tell my gf exactly what happened as, we promised each other that we would not keep any secrets from each other. I knew that we would break up after I told her but I could not keep it from her. I know that it was totally my fault and I do not blame her for breaking up. She was really commited to me and did not cheat on me she was literally the best gf. I told her that I would be commited to her if she were to give me another chance however she did not believe me. She is now with another boy which she describe as a better version of me. We still talk every day but not as often as how we use to talk during our rs I really want to get her back and I am not sure if I am able to. I am really afraid that if I use the NC method she might forget me what should I do???
I don't think she will forget you if you do no contact. You can tell her that you won't be contacting her for some time since you need some time and space for yourself.
My daughter's mother left me three years ago. We got back together a year after that and she left me again. I love her but she won't to be a family with me. Are daughter is three now, I know the no contact rule Will help me get over her for good but I'll miss calling my daughter everyday when she is with her.
I think it's OK to call your daughter during no contact. Just don't talk to your ex for too long.
I think it's OK to call your daughter during no contact. Just don't talk to your ex for too long.
I think it's OK to call your daughter during no contact. Just don't talk to your ex for too long.
I think it's OK to call your daughter during no contact. Just don't talk to your ex for too long.
My daughter's mother left me three years ago. We got back together a year after that and she left me again. I love her but she won't to be a family with me. Are daughter is three now, I know the no contact rule Will help me get over her for good but I'll miss calling my daughter everyday when she is with her.
My daughter's mother left me three years ago. We got back together a year after that and she left me again. I love her but she won't to be a family with me. Are daughter is three now, I know the no contact rule Will help me get over her for good but I'll miss calling my daughter everyday when she is with her.
I don't think she will forget you if you do no contact. You can tell her that you won't be contacting her for some time since you need some time and space for yourself.
Hi Kevin,
My Ex broke up with me from a 5month relationship..it was a snap. at first he would go for the "its not u its me" reason..and since it happened, weve been continuing contact, i text he replies, i call he answers or vice versa. there are times when i challenged myself for the no contact rule made it for 4days until he text me on the 3rd day, so far the longest no contact days have been 4days ONLY. so its been a month of constant communication, we even bump into each other accidentally twicw and hang out, had a drink, dinner etc. but clearly when i ask pop the "can we give this another chance" question...he bails but still talks to me..very friendly and no hard feelings unless the Relationship is brought up. But a few days ago..he opened up to me about why / the reasons he broke up..it was about me not trusting him, and me always wanting to get what i want,and me making big deals outta small matters. OMG im only human ok? but i didnt say anythn i just took it in, i didnt argue or blame either. Thing is, how do i know if theres still a chance to get back together or should i just give up? He says..lets start over as friends or let this lay low for a while...i basically am lost with his words coz ive been drowning in my thoughts and it bothers me everyday... please Help. thank you. xx
If he;s bringing up the reason, then there is a good chance that he is thinking about getting back together. Just keep playing it cool and wait for him to make a move. If he doesn't make a move in the next couple of months, start no contact. This time, tell him you need some time and space.
If he;s bringing up the reason, then there is a good chance that he is thinking about getting back together. Just keep playing it cool and wait for him to make a move. If he doesn't make a move in the next couple of months, start no contact. This time, tell him you need some time and space.
Hi, i wasnt able to follow NC accordingly in the current relationship conflict , although i have done it many times and seem to have moved on from the other relationships, NC helped me to understand that those relationships werent worth saving for. But the one im currently in has made it harder for me. My sweetheart also misses me and avoids to talk about me i came to know from sources and that too after week of our breakup he admits to his friend that he does love me. Though a day before that i just msged him a "how are you" on whatsapp he had blocked me there. and i took of his number so that i resist my urge to msg him again. But i came to know recently that after he had told his friend he unblocked me on whatsapp as well , but still i didnt msg him and deleted his contact again. I dont know , i have never been so bad at NC like i have been in this relationship, and i really want to save it cause , it is a beautiful one i ever had and it ended on a misunderstanding from his side, he was the one to end it and as far as i know him hes still confused. since i have failed to do NC thoroughly i will have start from scratch . i dont know why it is hard for me in this relationship? is it because my mind is so addicted to him, or i care a lil too much for him. Please wish that i will be able to come over this problem as much as i try to avoid his thoughts they keep coming. i know everything , yet i donot know why i dont seem to apply. im very good at NC but this time around i had no luck.
Hey Kiran,
Perhaps you sincerely believe that this relationship is special or perhaps you are addicted to him. You will realize with time. All the best.
Hey Kiran,
Perhaps you sincerely believe that this relationship is special or perhaps you are addicted to him. You will realize with time. All the best.
Dear Kevin,
My ex and i broke up a week ago. He was very mad at me because i hung out with his friend without telling him, although i asked him to go out with me when he refused i called his friend cz i was mad at him. So after this break up we didnt talk with each other for a week. And then he texted me apologizing for what he said and he said those things totally because of drinking. I thought he is writing me to get back together and said him how our relAtionship was dead and how he could have cared about me as a gf and stuff to let him know that i want these things happen if we get back together , but it made things worse and he said i was hoping to get back together but after what youve said it will be a disastrous and i dont want to hurt you , i think i love you too much to be in a relationship with you. So i told him why cant you just act like a bf and he said im a simpleton thats me and im not gonna change etc. and he wanted to be friends with me. At first i couldnt accept it but after few minutes i agreed with him and told him i love him too and accepted the friends thing. We study in one school and in one class . So right after that night we had school . He hugged me and touched my hand like he used to . After a week i told him i cant be friends with him except just classmates. In which he said why? Why cant we be friends? Its not good without holding your hands. Hugging and kissing. I said no . But after that text msg at school i tried to talk with him like classmates but he ignored me . What should i do?i know i did mAny stupid thins in front of him like getting totally drunk in front of him and his friends, hanging out with his guy friend( i really have no affection to his guy friend) . I remember he used to give me flowers on valentines day and just hanging out but lately he stopped like totally , because of this conflicts started .
Hey Daria,
Apply no contact for a while. He will start pursuing you.
Hey Daria,
Apply no contact for a while. He will start pursuing you.
Hey, my ex gf is dating a new guy and i guess shes saying she doesnt love me and i keep on asking her out on dates and stuff and all this week i contacted her ... is it to late to get her back and i dont really know what to do anymore .... i just wanna know if it would be to late ....
It's worth trying. Her new relationship might be a rebound.
It's worth trying. Her new relationship might be a rebound.
Kevin
Hi. My ex and I have just broken up. We were living in her parents finished basement. Before that she lived with me in my apartment. Well exactly a week ago she started fighting with me and asked me what's my plans. I acted needy and desperate And she would say things to hurt me. So I got all my stuff And left with only what she had. She is now seeing some other guy. But after putting her into NC, she sent me a Facebook message "r u okay". Hey family wants us back together. We had issues about a month before. And I left for a day And she asked me go comeback. I did thinking we could work things out. Her mother also told me that she had admitted dgr messed up and loved me more then i loved her but she was afraid she would hurt me sgain and didnt want to hurt me ever again. But she started acting out again. My question is do I respond her Facebook message she sent last night or wait.
Thank you.
No. Don't reply to the message. Continue with no contact.
Well I got antsy and replied. I said u was hood and asked how she was doing? She replied I'm good!! I know I've put you through a lot and is it OK to talk to you or should I leave you alone? I responded by saying what are you asking? You want to be friends? She said nvm. I told her that you broke up with me, started seeing someone else, and want to be friends? That's BS and unacceptable. I have to much self respect for myself to be treated like that. I need my space and will contact you when I'm ready. Her reply was okay and i do understand!...and I wasn't mad when I said nvm!!...I said nvm because I realized it might have been to soon I just wanted to make sure you were okay!! So I went back to NC. I just wonder if she's thinking about me and missing me yet. Just trying to be strong. Do you think she'll be in contact again soon? I do love her with all my heart.
Kevin
Advice. Did I screw it up getting her back.
I don't think you screwed up. I think she might contact you again. Even if she doesn't, you should contact her after no contact.
I don't think you screwed up. I think she might contact you again. Even if she doesn't, you should contact her after no contact.
I don't think you screwed up. I think she might contact you again. Even if she doesn't, you should contact her after no contact.
I don't think you screwed up. I think she might contact you again. Even if she doesn't, you should contact her after no contact.
I don't think you screwed up. I think she might contact you again. Even if she doesn't, you should contact her after no contact.
Kevin
Advice. Did I screw it up getting her back.
Kevin
Advice. Did I screw it up getting her back.
Kevin
Advice. Did I screw it up getting her back.
Well I got antsy and replied. I said u was hood and asked how she was doing? She replied I'm good!! I know I've put you through a lot and is it OK to talk to you or should I leave you alone? I responded by saying what are you asking? You want to be friends? She said nvm. I told her that you broke up with me, started seeing someone else, and want to be friends? That's BS and unacceptable. I have to much self respect for myself to be treated like that. I need my space and will contact you when I'm ready. Her reply was okay and i do understand!...and I wasn't mad when I said nvm!!...I said nvm because I realized it might have been to soon I just wanted to make sure you were okay!! So I went back to NC. I just wonder if she's thinking about me and missing me yet. Just trying to be strong. Do you think she'll be in contact again soon? I do love her with all my heart.
Well I got antsy and replied. I said u was hood and asked how she was doing? She replied I'm good!! I know I've put you through a lot and is it OK to talk to you or should I leave you alone? I responded by saying what are you asking? You want to be friends? She said nvm. I told her that you broke up with me, started seeing someone else, and want to be friends? That's BS and unacceptable. I have to much self respect for myself to be treated like that. I need my space and will contact you when I'm ready. Her reply was okay and i do understand!...and I wasn't mad when I said nvm!!...I said nvm because I realized it might have been to soon I just wanted to make sure you were okay!! So I went back to NC. I just wonder if she's thinking about me and missing me yet. Just trying to be strong. Do you think she'll be in contact again soon? I do love her with all my heart.
No. Don't reply to the message. Continue with no contact.
Hi there! I've tried the no contact thing.. sometimes he texts back and other times he doesn't, depends what I say on the text.. weird! We broke up over a year ago and he broke up with me because he doesn't see us together long term and our personalities clash. Is there a chance something could work out? PLEASE HELP!!!
Read the 5 step plan. Do you also think your personalities clash? If so, you shouldn't get back together. If not, I think if you make some major changes in your life, he might want to give it another try.
Read the 5 step plan. Do you also think your personalities clash? If so, you shouldn't get back together. If not, I think if you make some major changes in your life, he might want to give it another try.
Kevin,
Thank you for the great advice, the no contact seemed to have let her figure out the emotions she having. As we started getting closer we were spending more time together, and we both seemed ready to jump back in. Unfortunately things didn't go so smoothly. We were hanging out, everything was nice and there was a lot of physical attention. (hugging, holding, ect.) But as I caressed her face to kiss her she bit me hard (she's always liked biting for some reason, to her it's playful) and I reacted terribly. She let go of my hand and I thrashed around in pain. She must have thought I wanted to hurt her, or was mad at her because she flinched. From there she was empty, no emotion, no feeling towards me, it's like the life was drained out of her and she just sat there, a husk of her old self. Eventually she was going home, she didn't want to hug me goodbye, didn't say much. Later I texted apologizing for scaring her as I truly meant no harm. She said she didn't feel safe around me anymore, that we could only be friends and just message each other from time to time so I wouldn't hurt her anymore. I told her I needed some time and I haven't answered since. (This was Thursday) The reason she was scared was because, we broke up due to an instance of physical abuse. That is something I completely regret, and would never do again. I don't know what's next, what steps I should take. Should I move on or am I lucky enough to have a sliver of a chance with her?
Thanks for the help.
Hey Kris,
I think you have a chance if you give her some more time. However, if it still doesn't work, move on. Perhaps she might never forget about that instance. A good way to show her you are willing to make changes is to go for counseling.
Hey Kris,
I think you have a chance if you give her some more time. However, if it still doesn't work, move on. Perhaps she might never forget about that instance. A good way to show her you are willing to make changes is to go for counseling.
Dear Kevin,
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We've been together only 6 months but I'm his longest relationship and his first serious girlfriend. He feels like since I went out to eat with a guy friend that he doesn't know and I hid it from him makes him feel like he cannot trust me. It made him mad and extremely hurt that I lied to him about it so he thought that things were going on with me and the other guy when they weren't. The other guy goes to the same college as us too and everytime my ex sees him, he starts problems with him and wants to fight him. Since the break up we attempted to not talk for a little while but I felt too miserable without him and kept constantly texting him and crying begging him to get back with me. I even threatened to harm myself because I honestly felt like I couldn't go on with life without him. We had been still seeing each other and being intimate after the breakup for the first 2 weeks. Just recently I blocked him on all my social networks and stopped seeing him but it is hard not to talk to him in class when we sit right next to each other. He feels like right now he doesn't want a relationship. He wants to talk and text other girls but still be with me in time. He also wants to keep being intimate with me behind closed doors and going places outside of school in secret, but at school he just wants us to just act like friends. How should I respond to that? He's also going through a tough time right now because just yesterday he lost his grandpa. I feel like I need to be there for him but at the same time I think we do need our space. I know he can't live without me because he's said it plenty of time so I know eventually we will get back together if it's meant. We both love each other and don't want to see each other with anyone else so we both agreed not to get with anyone else until we feel like it's the right time to get back with each other. It's really confusing because I don't know what to really do. I'm so used to talking to only him everyday and now that we haven't been talking much I feel empty and I don't have friends which is hard too. What's stopping us from being together he says is the fact that he can't trust me right now. What should I do? Should I still check on him here and there to see how he's handling the death or should I just completely cut him off and even switch seats in class so that it doesn't give us a reason to talk? HELP!!!
He also said he wants us to be friends right now and when were at school when he sees me he says hi and always asks how my day is going but should I just tell him not to talk to me period for a while? It's hard to apply the no contact when I constantly see him and am in class with him. How is he going to have time to miss me when we always see each other around school and in class? Even if we aren't talking or texting, we still have to see each other when we come to school.
Just treat him like you would treat any other classmate. No special treatment. And don't be intimate with him unless he commits.
Should I apply the no contact rule? I want to be there for him because I know his grandpa past and me just not talking to him even though we both need space will make it seem like I don't care so how should I act towards him? Is it still fine to be his friend because we can't be together because of trust so how should I handle the situation. I don't want to seem too needy and appear obsessed because I find myself always wanting to talk to him when things are different now because were both single
Hey,
If you think enough time has passed since his grandpa passed away, then you should apply no contact for a few weeks.
Hey,
If you think enough time has passed since his grandpa passed away, then you should apply no contact for a few weeks.
Hey,
If you think enough time has passed since his grandpa passed away, then you should apply no contact for a few weeks.
Hey,
If you think enough time has passed since his grandpa passed away, then you should apply no contact for a few weeks.
Hey,
If you think enough time has passed since his grandpa passed away, then you should apply no contact for a few weeks.
Should I apply the no contact rule? I want to be there for him because I know his grandpa past and me just not talking to him even though we both need space will make it seem like I don't care so how should I act towards him? Is it still fine to be his friend because we can't be together because of trust so how should I handle the situation. I don't want to seem too needy and appear obsessed because I find myself always wanting to talk to him when things are different now because were both single
Should I apply the no contact rule? I want to be there for him because I know his grandpa past and me just not talking to him even though we both need space will make it seem like I don't care so how should I act towards him? Is it still fine to be his friend because we can't be together because of trust so how should I handle the situation. I don't want to seem too needy and appear obsessed because I find myself always wanting to talk to him when things are different now because were both single
Should I apply the no contact rule? I want to be there for him because I know his grandpa past and me just not talking to him even though we both need space will make it seem like I don't care so how should I act towards him? Is it still fine to be his friend because we can't be together because of trust so how should I handle the situation. I don't want to seem too needy and appear obsessed because I find myself always wanting to talk to him when things are different now because were both single
Just treat him like you would treat any other classmate. No special treatment. And don't be intimate with him unless he commits.
Just treat him like you would treat any other classmate. No special treatment. And don't be intimate with him unless he commits.
He also said he wants us to be friends right now and when were at school when he sees me he says hi and always asks how my day is going but should I just tell him not to talk to me period for a while? It's hard to apply the no contact when I constantly see him and am in class with him. How is he going to have time to miss me when we always see each other around school and in class? Even if we aren't talking or texting, we still have to see each other when we come to school.
Hi,
My ex and I were together for 3 years. We got a dog together named blaze. My ex was everything to me he was my best friend. Last June he came home from a mission trip and said he need time to think. Stupid me didn't give him the space he needed. I knew he was talking with this girl he met on the trip and I couldn't handle it. We talked about getting married and our future together all the time and one day it just ended. It took until sep and we finally ended contact for good and went 4 months without seeing or talking to each other. In that time he met another girl and was hanging with her for a couple months and then in December started dating this other girl (his ex from high school) and they have been together for 2 months now or so. I went nc to try and get him back and now he has moved on:( I tried to contact him in January after seeing him for the first time in 4 months and I text saying hope all is well, he responded saying I couldn't be happier right now and I told him I was glad. ( I was lying of course)... I waited a week and sent another and he said I'm not trying to be an a** but I'm dating someone right now and it's going great and I'm great thanks. He won't talk to me or make a real convo. It's been 9 months why can't I get him to talk to me? And when we run into each other he just ignores me and can't even wave or say hi or anything..? I don't understand. I miss him so much and want him back but it seems to be too late. I know that no one likes his new girlfriend and wants us back together but I'm not sure how to get him back... He was my first love and first boyfriend. I was his first real love and longest relationship.. I knew from the moment I saw him he was the one that's why I can't give up, he's way too important to me.. What do I do? I've tried so many things...
If he is cold every time you contact him, then it's very hard to change his mind. The only thing you can do is start dating yourself. It might make him jealous and want to contact you. If he still doesn't contact you, you should try to move on.
If he is cold every time you contact him, then it's very hard to change his mind. The only thing you can do is start dating yourself. It might make him jealous and want to contact you. If he still doesn't contact you, you should try to move on.
Hi Kevin,
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. We had meet two years previous and quickly become best friends but he always wanted more. When I finally agreed to date him things moved very fast. About 6 months into the relationship he was living with me. We lived together for the next two years and marriage was always discussed plus we had joint bank accounts, bought a car together. Issues arose though as we were both studying yet I was paying for EVERYTHING and he just couldn’t seem to support himself or me and didn’t treat me correctly, and eventually I became extremely unwell. He kept asking me to get help, and I finally did once things got to extremely bad, but by then I think I had hurt him too much as I wasn’t getting better not even for him, which made him feel I didn’t love him the same. Over the summer break he was working 3 hours away from me and I broke up with him just before the holiday period as he wasn’t treating me right. He claimed he had wanted to break up for a while because he couldn’t live with who I had become, but he was very very upset about breaking up, especially as he realised I was well again and the women he fell in love with. He flew back home (he is from Aussie) the next day for xmas and we kept contact. He told me how hard he was finding it and that he still loved me. On return two weeks later, he came and saw me straight away and we talked, but my sister and friends kicked him out as they thought he was emotionally abusive. We continued to see each other weekly (sleeping together and going on dates etc) for a month. He would call me his gf but that he didn’t want a “relationship” yet didn’t want to see anyone else. He went back home again for a month and we kept contact and on return the other day he bought me a present and spent the whole day with me. He acts like my boyfriend, but without the title. I feel like he is scared that my friends and family don’t approve as well that I will get unwell again. How do I get him to commit again?
Stop sleeping with him until he commits. Tell him you understand that he needs time but you can't continue sleeping with him anymore unless he commits.
We have also been in constant contact. Should I apply the non contact rule? He still has all his stuff mine so comes over unannounced. How do I handle this situation?
Let him know you need some space and time.
Let him know you need some space and time.
Let him know you need some space and time.
Let him know you need some space and time.
We have also been in constant contact. Should I apply the non contact rule? He still has all his stuff mine so comes over unannounced. How do I handle this situation?
We have also been in constant contact. Should I apply the non contact rule? He still has all his stuff mine so comes over unannounced. How do I handle this situation?
Stop sleeping with him until he commits. Tell him you understand that he needs time but you can't continue sleeping with him anymore unless he commits.
Kevin, my story is somewhat different, and is in a more complex stage than many others. 3 months ago, I asked my ex for a break, and told her it was to deal with personal issues, and that I was sick of letting them affect our relationship. It was bullshit, I just wanted to try the single life, but in a few weeks realized it was not worth it. During that 3 weeks, she was devastated and continued to ask me through texts about other girls and if I dumped her to be with someone else. Eventually after the 3-4 weeks of me trying single, I asked her if we could talk. she said no, and that she didnt want to see me because she was still hurt, however would be willing to talk in the future. days passed and I broke all your rules. I begged her to come back, which only seemed to push her farther away (duh). She regressed to telling me that she didnt want a relationship with me at the moment, but wouldnt rule it out for the future. It was a tough pill to swallow, but a couple weeks passed and I was able to move into the no contact period. 2 weeks passed, and she unexpectedly showed up at my apartment and asked to talk. I agreed, and she showed me a letter she had written for our anniversary. In it, she said how I was her soulmate, the love of her life, and who she wanted to marry. She cried for being bitter towards me, and asked to make it work again. I immediately agreed. We hung out and everything seemed great for a few days, we laughed, went on dates, spent the night, kissed, hugged, had sex, etc. Then out of nowhere, less than 3 days after this newfound spark, she ends it. Said it just feels like friends, and that its not me its her. A week passes, and I realize that a guy that had been hung up on her for a while was finally getting her attention. She admitted she liked him, and it was clear to me why us getting back together did not work for her; because of him. I was devastated, broke all your rules again. She had never got much attention from guys so I have been telling myself its something new and exciting for her. It has been a couple months since all of this. She is having a lot of fun with her friends. I have yet to do no contact. She told me she still loves me, and ALWAYS reaches out to me to talk through text, to catch up per say. I love her deeply. We were together for 3 years and were extremely committed to eachother. Never any real problems in our relationship. What do I do? I'm thinking no contact, But I dont want her to think its because Im erasing her from my life, which will just push her away more. Thank you for your help, and I apoligize for the massive length to this message!
Just tell her that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting her for a while.
Just tell her that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting her for a while.
I really want my ex back. Its been way to long and Im afraid we may never get another chance. I know this is my soul mate and we belong together but now he has a gf. He has been with for 3 years now. A couple of months ago he broke up with her because we just went away to college together and he told her he wanted the freshman experience with out hurting her. So they broke up. But in the summer time he had already cheated on her with me and its clear he still loves me. When we got to college we hooked up again. I have a bf but I don't want him like I want my ex back. I just don't know what to do. He tells me he doesn't care about how I feel and that I want him back he doesn't want me back and we will never get back together. He tells me that he knows he wants the other girl. But if that's true why did he always try to hook up with me. WHy does he tell me there business. My ex was my first kiss but his current gf is the girl he loss his virginity to after me. Does this mean they have a better connection then me and him. He was mad I loss my v card to another guy as well.. Its all so confusing. I cant help but think that me and him were made for each other. Ive known him since the 5th grade. and we started dating in the 9th till the middle of 10th . We only broke up because of distance and he couldn't deal wth not seeing me like he wanted to. We both agreed we would get back together when I could date . But then he met the other girl . What should I do.. ? please help . we are in college together now. We could work.
Don't sleep with him again. And follow the advise in the article.
I haven't had sex with him more than once. Before we had sex he would always try to kiss me and Id push him away but he would try until I gave in. For the past 3 months or so he hasn't tried anything and he doesn't tlk to me as much. WHat should I do to get him to want me as much as I want him.. He would see me and not speak ..
Follow the advise in the article. Apply no contact for a while.
Follow the advise in the article. Apply no contact for a while.
Follow the advise in the article. Apply no contact for a while.
Follow the advise in the article. Apply no contact for a while.
Okay Thank you/.
I haven't had sex with him more than once. Before we had sex he would always try to kiss me and Id push him away but he would try until I gave in. For the past 3 months or so he hasn't tried anything and he doesn't tlk to me as much. WHat should I do to get him to want me as much as I want him.. He would see me and not speak ..
Okay Thank you/.
I haven't had sex with him more than once. Before we had sex he would always try to kiss me and Id push him away but he would try until I gave in. For the past 3 months or so he hasn't tried anything and he doesn't tlk to me as much. WHat should I do to get him to want me as much as I want him.. He would see me and not speak ..
Okay Thank you/.
Don't sleep with him again. And follow the advise in the article.
Hi,
I read this article and it sounds very promising and helpful. It opened my eyes to the opportunities ahead of me. Not only that, but instead of looking it as my boyfriend wanting a breakup/break, I see this opportunity as a break for myself, to find myself in all of this and re-evaluate the relationship myself. While I still want to get back together with him, I just recently got broken up with and am looking for advice on the no contact rule. Last weekend we had a fight that lasted the whole weekend and at the end I realized I was being too harsh and apologized for everything. He decided that this weekend "changed him" and he needed to "not be in this relationship anymore because he hated it" he didnt like all the fighting. This article made me realize that he can look at me in a positive light again. and there is hope that we can get back together! We were together for 3 1/2 years and I still feel in my gut that we have more to give each other.
So, I guess what I am asking is, should I follow your article exactly, step-by-step? I always have bought some "calming" books and "how to move on books" in the meantime. Additionally, I was wondering if I should use the Relationship Rewind? or should I instantly do the No contact rule? Since he "hates" our relationship?
Any advice is so appreciated!
Since he hates the relationship, I think no contact will be of benefit. Relationship rewind is a solid plan and it will give you some great strategies to use along with the plan.
Since he hates the relationship, I think no contact will be of benefit. Relationship rewind is a solid plan and it will give you some great strategies to use along with the plan.
Here it goes. I met a guy on POF. We had three dates. The third date was where I blew it. We went to restaurant and I wanted to dance. There was another party dancing on the floor and he did not want to interrupt them. The couple next to us even told him to dance with me:( But, we finally got up. He is Lebanese. We started dancing and he became critical of my dancing. I started shutting down. I got a little tipsy and started dancing on the dance floor. I was just trying to have fun, but now I feel terrible. I did push him away when he started dancing with me. I did not literally push him, I just waved him away. I was having fun by myself:( Having a little more fun on my own than with him to be honest. Anyway, we were ready to go home to his place and hang out. There was extra food so we took it home. He expected me to carry the food and I was thrown off. He pointed at the bag to make me carry it. I don't think I did. So I went home with him. We had a sleep over. He wanted me to take a shower and watch movies with him. He was very nice, even though I was a jerk. I was scared and nervous about the whole situation. After thinking about it, it was too soon to spend the night. Anyway, I did sleep there, but left around 4am. The next day, I texted him that I had a great time. That's when I started panicking and overtexting and calling. I have a bad habit of doing this with many dating situation. It got out of hand this time because he was ignoring me. He threatened to call the cops this time. I texted him today, 3-8-2014 and he told me he may call the cops tomorrow. I am scared. I told him I met someone else and I am done. He wont hear from me anymore. I still like him very much because he was serious about. I WANT HIM BACK AND I HAVE APOLOGIZED NUMEROUS TIMES. He told me to move on and I was being stubborn and did not. I called so much and texted so much. That's when he threatened me with a restraining order. I even called one of the restaurants to find out where he worked and he found out. I WANT HIM BACK! IS THERE HOPE?? (HE DID LIKE ME A LOT) WE HAD CHEMISTRY! WHAT DO I DO?
Hey Anon,
To be honest, since it's been only three dates, he has probably categorized you as a crazy girl. It's hard to change his perspective because he doesn't know you well enough to think differently. You can still give it a try but I think there is very less chances of him changing his mind about you. I think you should try no contact for a while, and then text him casually. If you haven't already apologized, send an apology text (don't send the letter because in your case, he'll think of it as creepy) and start no contact.
Thank you.
Kevin:
How long is a awhile? What kind of casual text? What do I say?
I think around 2-3 weeks. As for what to say, it's kind of tricky since you two were not that close in the first place. If you can use the "something reminded me of you" text, mentioned in the article, it'll be great. If not, then use something general like "hey, I was thinking of you, how are you?"
But like I said, an apology text is important before you send him a casual text.
I think around 2-3 weeks. As for what to say, it's kind of tricky since you two were not that close in the first place. If you can use the "something reminded me of you" text, mentioned in the article, it'll be great. If not, then use something general like "hey, I was thinking of you, how are you?"
But like I said, an apology text is important before you send him a casual text.
I think around 2-3 weeks. As for what to say, it's kind of tricky since you two were not that close in the first place. If you can use the "something reminded me of you" text, mentioned in the article, it'll be great. If not, then use something general like "hey, I was thinking of you, how are you?"
But like I said, an apology text is important before you send him a casual text.
I think around 2-3 weeks. As for what to say, it's kind of tricky since you two were not that close in the first place. If you can use the "something reminded me of you" text, mentioned in the article, it'll be great. If not, then use something general like "hey, I was thinking of you, how are you?"
But like I said, an apology text is important before you send him a casual text.
Thank you.
Kevin:
How long is a awhile? What kind of casual text? What do I say?
Thank you.
Kevin:
How long is a awhile? What kind of casual text? What do I say?
Hey Anon,
To be honest, since it's been only three dates, he has probably categorized you as a crazy girl. It's hard to change his perspective because he doesn't know you well enough to think differently. You can still give it a try but I think there is very less chances of him changing his mind about you. I think you should try no contact for a while, and then text him casually. If you haven't already apologized, send an apology text (don't send the letter because in your case, he'll think of it as creepy) and start no contact.
Hi Kevin,
Well my ex boyfriend and I were together for a year and we broke up a week after my birthday. And my friends were his friends too. So every time I went out with my friends I saw him. It was a hi and bye and then one day we ended up having sex. Which brought back a lot of feelings for me. So I started to text him here and there and all his answers were one word answers. And then around Christmas I stopped talking to him but he was still going through my mind and I wrote him saying we can no longer talk. I separated myself from the friends we had together and everything. Its been about 2 months since then and he wrote me asking how I've been and how's life and we talked about our relationship but all I could was hold back my feelings, and he has a new girlfriend of 1 month but yet he still writes me. So my question is should I write him telling him how I feel or leave him be?
Don't tell him how you feel straight away. Talk to him and have fun conversation. Then eventually, ask him to meet you as friends.If you've made any positive changes in those 2 months, then he will notice it when he meets you. At this time, thoughts of getting back together will start appearing in his mind. That's when you should tell him how you feel.
Don't tell him how you feel straight away. Talk to him and have fun conversation. Then eventually, ask him to meet you as friends.If you've made any positive changes in those 2 months, then he will notice it when he meets you. At this time, thoughts of getting back together will start appearing in his mind. That's when you should tell him how you feel.
Hi Kevin.
My girlfriend of 9 months recently dumped me a couple of days ago. She said that she didn't love me anymore and didn't care about me in that way at all. But she still has all the pictures of us on her Instagram and Facebook, as well as all the comments. I am madly in love with this girl.. I'm tying the no contact rule to start, is their any way to win her back????
Yes, there is still a chance. Follow the advise in the article.
Yes, there is still a chance. Follow the advise in the article.
hi, was jus on this, was with my ex for 3 years..
we were on terms of marrying, really close, but things turned sour,
he went on drugs, he went clingy, accusing me of things ive never done,
he would not trust me at all, for no reason, then we broke up after a big fight were things went over the top. I loved this guy a lot, did a lot for him, in return I got nothing but pain.
2 months later he got in contact, like on a friends level, changed, off drugs,
I text him to meet me, but I got no reply, maybe I am just missing the idea of him,
what do I do now?
Wait two weeks and then text him using one of the messages above.
Wait two weeks and then text him using one of the messages above.
My ex and I broke up in june 2013 he said he wanted to be friends it was mutal.... I still miss him and want him back... we've talked several times he said hes happy with his current girlfriend but sexually fustarded he said thinks about us all the time... then a week ago he put up a group pic on his cover pic and I was in it on Facebook then his girlfriend got sad... he removed it.
I sent him a Shakespeare quote he He replied , only that his nurshiment.. Is a big empty hole , black hearts,of empty men .. Some satire . Can and,do burn forever.. For the rest a bottle I replied very nice he said We,trap flies as they are but a,nuisance I know banjo which was he's name for me I'm confused n hurt I still love n
Hey,
If you haven't applied no contact since June 2013, you should do it right now. IF you have, then you should continue texting him and then eventually ask him to hang out as friends.
Hey,
If you haven't applied no contact since June 2013, you should do it right now. IF you have, then you should continue texting him and then eventually ask him to hang out as friends.
Hi my boyfriend broke up with me on 15th Feb 2014 for no reason although he lives in another country/continent, i have just done the necessary by inactivating my FB account since i have been checking his wall everyday where he has posted pictures with his now one month old gf, i have also uninstalled whatsapp from my phone as of today just to avoid texting him since i hv been doing that. its gona be a long journey we have been together for 3 years and no single day did we fight. i am still in shock but very ready to take the NO Contact rule! God help me
All the best.
All the best.
My ex and I have been together for a little over 5 years unfortunately this is not the first time we have broken up and gotten back together seems always like a constant cycle but I always go running back when he wants. We do have a son together and currently pregnant with his second child which did not keep him from leaving me again. There was a girl from his job whom he started talking to she was aware of me and baring his second child but they continued to flirt constantly but I had access to see his text messages because when he would come home he would just delete EVERYTHING so I felt like I couldn't trust him he has cheated before and I forgave him because I cheated before as well just that he didn't know so I almost felt like I had to forgive. I confronted him about messages and he was upset bcuz he said I wasn't giving him his privacy and said they were just friends but the way they spoke to each other seemed like they wanted more then just friends she constantly spoke to him about my relationship with him but because he would go running to her every time we had arguments. He promised to me that he would stop talking to her the way the way they did and keep it professional but he continued and I showed up at his job after work and found them still hanging out alone in the car not doing anything but still there. He did stop all messages with her but then started to call her every time he stepped out of the house I didn't know what to do so yes I panicked went into needy mode and insecure mode and I feel like I pushed him more to her to begin with and so after a few days of trying to make things work he texts me and brakes up with me saying he's no longer happy and will provide for his kids and that's it but right after continued so hard to talk to the other letting her know he was a free man. He doesn't admit to me that he wants her but I would see there conversation so I deleted the account that gave me access to there convo. Because I was just driving myself insane he was rushing so fast into a relationship with her I just couldn't understand why and why while I'm pregnant with his second child. Im curious if he really has lost all respect for me and if it worth rekindling ? My family says move on he's idiot and child and I deserve much better yes I do love him but its hard to just forgive what he has done. Seeing that we have a child together how do I do something like the no contact rule since we almost always talk everyday regarding my son ? And he seems to linger into something to where we begin to argue about us and I'm gaining strength as days pass yes I miss him but idk if its because he's been mine for so long and the fact that he is now sharing what I loved so much about him with someone else or because he's my kids father i feel so confused. I really want to do the co contact rule but its almost impossible to cut off contact since we have a child and I can't date since I m pregnant what should I do ?
Hey Victoria,
First of all be prepared for the worst. I know you love him and you want him back, but there is a chance he might never come back and you have to be prepared to be a single Mom and take care of the kids by yourself. In your case, no contact will be a little tricky but the easiest way to do so will be to tell him that you need some time and space and you will appreciate it if he can give it to you. Tell him that you will keep him updates on the kids if there is something important. If he wants to see his son, make arrangements for him. Don't ever talk to him about anything other than the kids. It's sort of limited contact, but it still works just as well as no contact.
Hey Victoria,
First of all be prepared for the worst. I know you love him and you want him back, but there is a chance he might never come back and you have to be prepared to be a single Mom and take care of the kids by yourself. In your case, no contact will be a little tricky but the easiest way to do so will be to tell him that you need some time and space and you will appreciate it if he can give it to you. Tell him that you will keep him updates on the kids if there is something important. If he wants to see his son, make arrangements for him. Don't ever talk to him about anything other than the kids. It's sort of limited contact, but it still works just as well as no contact.
Hi Kevin, The man in my life has been exhibiting hot & cold behavior for some time now, ( 6 months) which has been emotionally exhausting. He seems to want me in his life, but on HIS schedule, when he feels like talking or seeing me. He says that he loves me and I think he does. I'm not so sure that I am the only woman in his life though. We had a very close relationship, two years ago, when we first became a couple. He distanced himself about a year later. We are both older, ( divorced 50 yr olds) so this juvenile behavior baffles me.
I am on day 4 of no contact. Prior to this, " I" told him that I am done chasing him, waiting for him, & putting up with the crumbs that he gives me when we both know that I am the type of woman who deserves the whole cake. He listened, but didn't really respond, which is typical. Now, He has been texting me & calling me. He has been driving by my house. This is the first time that I have felt that I am in the driver's seat. I have been the loyal, sappy, doormat for a very long time. Should I break no contact, just to tell him that I need space?
Also, I may run into him at the gym. If he is there, I won't go inside. But if he shows up, when I am there, what do I do? Leave? Ignore him? I am NOT leaving my gym because of him. I need to excercise & have built up friendships there. I go almost every day & have been there 3 years.
Thank you!
Hey Nicole,
I think you should tell him you need space. And I don't think you should avoid gym just because of him. Go inside even if he's there. Give him a casual hello and then continue with your workout. If he wants to talk to you, let him know that you need some time and space and you'll appreciate it if he gives it to you.
Hey Nicole,
I think you should tell him you need space. And I don't think you should avoid gym just because of him. Go inside even if he's there. Give him a casual hello and then continue with your workout. If he wants to talk to you, let him know that you need some time and space and you'll appreciate it if he gives it to you.
Hi Kevin,
I just broke up with my boyfriend last Thursday which is five days ago. after the break up, i practically felt so hurt and i didnt know what to do. during the first might of break up, i called him because i miss him so much and i want him back. the reason to our break up is because he felt sorry and he felt hurt every time he see me cry, and yeah during our relationship, i cried in front of him so many times, which i regret after all. because he actually broke up of relationship, he suggested us to become best friends until he felt like he's mature enough to be in a relationship, till then we could continue again. but i didnt want, and he was okay with it. but then five days ago, he actually broke up this relationship saying he cannot continue anymore because no matter what he does, he will always make me cry. so he couldnt bear to see me like this anymore. but i want him back. we had so many good times together and i could not let go of the past. the next day after the break up, i ask if he wanted to get back together but he said he can't. he wants to have fun and enjoy his highschool life with his friends first. i kept of begging him and i cried. i was a total messed up girl. i know i shouldnt have done that but i couldnt hold myself. and then i agreed to be his bestfriend. but everytime i see him at school, i feel like crying and keeps on reminiscing the old memories again. and its impossible to do NC since we are classmates. what should i do? i want to get him back but i dont know what to do.
You can do no contact even if you are classmates. Just treat him like you would any other classmate. Don't have any conversation with him for more than 5 minutes. And don't talk about anything personal.
You can do no contact even if you are classmates. Just treat him like you would any other classmate. Don't have any conversation with him for more than 5 minutes. And don't talk about anything personal.
Hi Kevin,
So we have broken up and made up so many times that it just seems like a routine now. This time I questioned his commitment towards the relationship and yes, you guess it we broke up again! Like you said its like an addiction. I really do love him but somewhere deep inside me I know that this can't be healthy for any of us. As silly as it may seem still want him back though, what should I do? its been 4 days since the break up.
Wait at least 30 days before making any move.
Wait at least 30 days before making any move.
Kevin,
My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago. I've been devastated ever since. I can't eat, sleep or go to work. I have been going to the gym, which doesn't help too much.
We were together almost a year. The first few months were going great. So great, that we decided it would be great if she moved in. She lived in MD and I lived in PA. She moved in and things were going well. We would have little baby fights here and there, but nothing serious. We got very comfortable with each other very quickly.
She got a new job and I was unhappy with mine. So I applied to the same place she started working at and got the job (which I regret terribly). We were not together all day everyday bc we are outside sales reps. After this, it seemed like everything went sour. We were both very frustrated with our jobs and had new living arrangements on top of that. We weren't connecting as we once did. I would verbally abuse her from time to time bc she would frustrate me. Absolutely no excuse for it, I know. These times of verbally abusing her she said is why she was leaving.
She was making all these plans for about a month without me even knowing. Until the day I came home, we started to fight and she told me she was leaving me. I let her stay in the apartment bc she had no where else to go. I would stop by after work and all she would do is cry and tell me she wasn't happy and she needs sometime to reset to being happy again.
I still love her very much and see us together. I text her here and there and she does the same. Obviously, I do more of the contacting. When we talk about the past, she never once said this is over forever. She just says, "I can't predict the future". However, she talks about possibly getting back together by saying "if we do get back together, I am not moving up there." This weekend, I decided I was going to give her the space she asked for. I sent her a long text with all sorts of changes I am going to make and at the end I said I was going to give her space. She sent a pretty long one back as well and said thanks for understanding. We said we would get back in touch next weekend.
What is your opinion on this matter? Just follow the steps?
Thanks.
Yeah, follow the steps. I think you have a pretty good chance. Don't make no contact too long. Do get in touch with her next weekend.
So I broke no contact a little sooner because I couldn't handle it. She continued to text me through the week and I said if you need your space, take your space. I text her over the weekend and got no response. What does this mean? I have no idea what to do with myself. I have tried to say busy, but even when I'm busy, I'm still thinking about her and wondering what she is doing. Has she moved on already or is she just taking her space?
Hey Tony,
OK, if she didn't reply, you just start no contact again. This time, continue no contact till the time you are not obsessing over her. Do no contact till the time you realize you don't need her to be happy. Once you feel you are happy in your life without her and she is no longer on your mind all the time, then you should try contacting her.
Hey Tony,
OK, if she didn't reply, you just start no contact again. This time, continue no contact till the time you are not obsessing over her. Do no contact till the time you realize you don't need her to be happy. Once you feel you are happy in your life without her and she is no longer on your mind all the time, then you should try contacting her.
Hey Tony,
OK, if she didn't reply, you just start no contact again. This time, continue no contact till the time you are not obsessing over her. Do no contact till the time you realize you don't need her to be happy. Once you feel you are happy in your life without her and she is no longer on your mind all the time, then you should try contacting her.
Hey Tony,
OK, if she didn't reply, you just start no contact again. This time, continue no contact till the time you are not obsessing over her. Do no contact till the time you realize you don't need her to be happy. Once you feel you are happy in your life without her and she is no longer on your mind all the time, then you should try contacting her.
So I broke no contact a little sooner because I couldn't handle it. She continued to text me through the week and I said if you need your space, take your space. I text her over the weekend and got no response. What does this mean? I have no idea what to do with myself. I have tried to say busy, but even when I'm busy, I'm still thinking about her and wondering what she is doing. Has she moved on already or is she just taking her space?
So I broke no contact a little sooner because I couldn't handle it. She continued to text me through the week and I said if you need your space, take your space. I text her over the weekend and got no response. What does this mean? I have no idea what to do with myself. I have tried to say busy, but even when I'm busy, I'm still thinking about her and wondering what she is doing. Has she moved on already or is she just taking her space?
Yeah, follow the steps. I think you have a pretty good chance. Don't make no contact too long. Do get in touch with her next weekend.
Dear Kevin,
I broke up with my boyfriend last year in May. We lived together for 4 years and we got stuck and I decided to break up. I wish I didn't because we didn't try to solve the problems and I chose the easy way and decided to break up.
In May-June I saw him adding a guy on his facebook. And in August he and this new guy became a couple. Now it is March and they are still together.
During this time I know my ex hasn't forget about me. In September I sent my ex roses because we would have had our 5 year anniversary and my ex was very happy about that (even though his new partner hated it). My ex sent me messages that he thought about me everyday, and also on that special day. During Xmas my ex messaged me and he said that he thought about me, more than I would imagine (wtf, how would he know?)
I started to play online games with my ex again since last month and we had fun and he said "thanks for the nice memories:)"
Last week I visited my ex (after 8 months) and he looked great! Still wearing the shoes I gave him and he was still using the wallet I gave him. I did see some pictures of him and his new lover in the living room though. I said I'm so happy to see you are doing so good and that you are so happy now. He said: "well... ermm.. hmm.. its getting just a little bit better".
He told me that he remembered all the nice places we used to go like pancake houses and coffee bars. I asked him if he still often goes to these places and he said "noo, its hard for me to go to these places with my new lover, because we (he and I) always went there".
Do I still have hope? I still love my ex so much! I started a new relationship 7 weeks ago but I ended it yesterday. I know I am still not over the break up so I broke up with the new guy.
Yes Cody, I think you still have hope. I think he is not over you either. If possible, ask him to hang out with you.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks, do you have any suggestions for me to do? My birthday will be coming up this week and last week when I visited my ex he asked me for my new address. I think he is gonna send me a card or something. We haven't really contacted each other after I visited him, only played some games online without talking.
Thank you.
Hey,
Like I said, you should start talking to him more often and then ask him to hang out. Start building attraction and if you think he is attracted to you enough, ask him if he wants to get back together.
Hey,
Like I said, you should start talking to him more often and then ask him to hang out. Start building attraction and if you think he is attracted to you enough, ask him if he wants to get back together.
Hey,
Like I said, you should start talking to him more often and then ask him to hang out. Start building attraction and if you think he is attracted to you enough, ask him if he wants to get back together.
Hey,
Like I said, you should start talking to him more often and then ask him to hang out. Start building attraction and if you think he is attracted to you enough, ask him if he wants to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks, do you have any suggestions for me to do? My birthday will be coming up this week and last week when I visited my ex he asked me for my new address. I think he is gonna send me a card or something. We haven't really contacted each other after I visited him, only played some games online without talking.
Thank you.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks, do you have any suggestions for me to do? My birthday will be coming up this week and last week when I visited my ex he asked me for my new address. I think he is gonna send me a card or something. We haven't really contacted each other after I visited him, only played some games online without talking.
Thank you.
Yes Cody, I think you still have hope. I think he is not over you either. If possible, ask him to hang out with you.
My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and I want him back. I am currently applying no contact right now. I did it for a week and then I slipped up and texted him. We had a civil conversation and I acted like I had moved on and we laughed and joked just like when we were dating and he thought I really was okay. He asked me out for dinner for that weekend and I accepted but then next day he reneged and said that he thinks it's too soon and doesn't want to mess with my head. I was disappointed but didn't show it and he hasn't texted me since and I haven't texted him. I'm trying to apply no contact but I am so angry with him for so many things and all I want to do is text him and scream at him that I am mad. But as angry as I am, I miss him so much and want him back. How do I do your steps when I just wanna rip his head off ? It's very hard.
Your anger will eventually subside. The second step is precisely meant for this.
Your anger will eventually subside. The second step is precisely meant for this.
Hi! well, I have had feelings for this guy for almost 2 years even though we never talked and we only said hi to each other. He was my neighbor. He would look at me too. In those 2 years I've seen him with 2 girlfriends. Well, the thing is that we finally talked just a week before he moved and we communicated by text only so we texted each other and fought with each other through text. He wanted to be FWB and I told him I didn't want to. We exchanged harsh comments and finally he felt insulted and he said not to contact him or he will call the police, he seemed to hate me...I told him I won't contact him then and he blocked me in his phone. Why did he blocked me? I think just by not having contact was more than enough. thanks
Hey Mary,
He blocked you because he was angry. And he expected you to call him back, which I assume you did since that's the only way you can find out he blocked you.
Hey Mary,
He blocked you because he was angry. And he expected you to call him back, which I assume you did since that's the only way you can find out he blocked you.
Hey my boyfriend broke up with me last nite.. we had a huge fight last week Tuesday and i said some mean things.. so last nite when he broke up with me he said the things that i said to him were hurtful and that we should no longer continue... he also said he still has feelings for me..As such i asked if he had some one else and he replied no but i believe he does have a new love interest. If he is with someone and has been since our relationship as in he was cheating... do you think its still possible for us to get back together?please note that we were together for three years..
Your help and advice would be greatly appreciated
It's possible. But if he was cheating you should do no contact and ask yourself if you really want to get back together with someone who cheated on you.
Well i am not sure if he was cheating...but any way he texted me today to wish me Good Luck in an interview...should i respond?
Well i am not sure if he was cheating...but any way he texted me today to wish me Good Luck in an interview...should i respond?
Well i am not sure if he was cheating...but any way he texted me today to wish me Good Luck in an interview...should i respond?
It's possible. But if he was cheating you should do no contact and ask yourself if you really want to get back together with someone who cheated on you.
Hi Kevin,
my ex and I were attracted to each other from the first moments we met. It was 6 years ago, I was then in another relationship and so was he. We created immediately a warm relationship between us, which seemed friendly but we knew deep inside that was pure love-attraction. We were two guys laughing all the time, talking about everything, changing topics, we admired each other for cleverness, humor, ideas, we used to stay up late chating on the computer and always felt like a live conversation. Everything was so nice, warm and pure.
But back then he was slow enough to make a move on me so inside some situations i didn't left my relationship for him, while he had already broke up (not for my sake necessarily). After some months we were on a date, had a drink but again nothing happened. In a while he was in a new serious relationship.
When he broke up after a year he talked to me again and soon enough he asked me why we had not managed to be together, cause we had the chance. After discussing about it for a while I admitted to him (on the phone...) that I had never friendly feelings for him and that I want him to be more for me. He said that he felt the same. He told me that he was hurt by the fact that I didn't broke up from my old relationship after giving him the impression that I liked him. Also, for that night out that we had he told me that he wanted and thought of kissing me but he didn't. Even before making the last relationship he was attracted to me. (I've never met a more handsome but so afraid guy till now).
In a few months he was with another girl again. Maybe it was easier with the others.
Some months passed and again he appeared at the old familiar places (looking for what? his last ex-girlfriend was there too...) I said hello after all that time with the prettiest smile I've got. I was happy seeing him again. Months passed and we started talking and meeting again. The same thing... He remembered things and moments and he was feeling nostalgic. I don't know...
Finally, after three years we did it! We were together but again I think he was scared to death. But so was I. At the beginning we were on a dream. Really. We were flying! But he started talking to me about his work and the fact that we always spent so much time together and he felt panic. Also, he had problems with trusting in me. I was afraid too. I don't know... finally we started talking a lot and this wasn't good. Ok, at a last point he said goodbye.
There wasn't even a good reason for us not to be together. I had reasons not to trust in him too. He was always with other girls out of the blue.
The same thing happened again. He started a new relationship only after 3 or 4 weeks. During the no-contact period! I waited for him to calmed down and when I texted him he was already in love with the other girl. Maybe that was another rebound relationship but it turns out that t worked perfectly because it's been two years now and he is still with her, knowing her parents, living with her in the same house, and all that serious stuff. In the middle, one year after our breakup and him being with the other girl, he called me to give me back a book I borrowed to him once. We met and discussed a little for what happened, he told me that he missed me the days after our breakup but he couldn't make the decision to call me. Then he thought it was the best for us to be apart. Finally, he told me that I should have been more patient with him then so that we could have been together. I know that we felt again nostalgic and emotional those days, while having the other relationship. Ok, it happens to all of us.
But life keeps us still in touch. We meet each other at the university often enough. Recently, he even agreed to have a coffee with me and some friends. During the recent period I have asked him to give me the chance to talk about thing I didn't talked before. To give and take some final explanations and close that chapter. He refused twice in a year. However, he is always warm and open and there were times when we even talked for about an hour at a corner of the building's third floor. He can do that but he doesn't want to listen or discuss deeply... And I have so many things inside. And of course he continues for a second year with the other girl.
Every time I see his face I fall in love again. 6 years afterwards and we still cannot talk and say the truth to each other. Always afraid, always saying as less as possible.
I made an effort to move on but didn't work. I haven't forget him and I deeply believe that we could have been good together. Time has passed though.
What can I do? I thought of talking to him at the first opportunity even if he does not want to hear. I want to say "I love you" and he can't forbid it! But then again, what do I gain? He will tell me "ok, thank you" and will go back to his new life.
But I think that this is the last choice. At least, he will learn the truth. But I can't beat his new relationship. The other girl had the time to connect with him strongly. And I'm nothing.
What do I do? Speak? Forget? Wait?
Hey Rose,
I think what you plan to do is the only thing you can do. I think for you, it's more about closing that chapter of your life rather than trying to get him back. Yes, the other girl had more time to connect with him and he is probably avoiding you because he is committed to her. I know you feel like that somehow if he understand how you feel and he listens to what you have to say, he will come back; but in my opinion, he won't. I think he has moved on and he is committed. Perhaps talking to him will help you get closure, but I believe if you accept that he has moved on and concentrate on moving on yourself, you will realize that closure will come from inside you.
Hey Rose,
I think what you plan to do is the only thing you can do. I think for you, it's more about closing that chapter of your life rather than trying to get him back. Yes, the other girl had more time to connect with him and he is probably avoiding you because he is committed to her. I know you feel like that somehow if he understand how you feel and he listens to what you have to say, he will come back; but in my opinion, he won't. I think he has moved on and he is committed. Perhaps talking to him will help you get closure, but I believe if you accept that he has moved on and concentrate on moving on yourself, you will realize that closure will come from inside you.
Hi. So I've been dating this man for 6 months. It was great and we both had mutual feelings for each other.. I'm 37 and have dated many men, he was completely different. It was easy. no stress.. no anxiety at all. We truly had a great relationship for the better part of five months.. seeing each other 3-4 times a week, talking every day etc, He has 2 children and his situation with his ex has changed, as far as custody goes. He now has basically full custody of both his kids.. The last month we were together he became very stressed and worried about this and how he was able to handle it, but hes a good father and will do anything for his kids.. It was his idea for full custody. Anyway, we started drifting because he became so overwhelmed with his new life circumstances. He had less time for me and although I let him know on a regular basis that I wanted to be there with him thru it, he slowly began pushing me away. On the night we officially broke up, I cried, got very emotional ( as I did in a few conversations before with him when we spoke about how our relationship was changing ) He told me it had nothing to do with his feelings for me and that he knows he wasn't capable of giving me what I deserved right now, so he claimed to be protecting me.. as he didn't want to continue to neglect my needs. I know now that I probably became an emotional burden on him and added stress to his already stressful situation... we haven't had communication for 2 weeks and I feel like I'm dying inside. I haven't texted him ( with the exception of right after our breakup I told him I was here for him if he needed anything and he told me the same) My question is what do I do now... if its his life situation right now that is keeping us from being together, do I still show support and try to reach out? We didn't leave on bad terms in fact we both cried when we said goodbye... Any advice?
Hey Denise,
I think it's quite possible to start dating him again and support him as well. I think you should follow the 5 step plan. You don't need to send the hand written letter. But it will be a good idea to start texting him in another week or two. Have fun conversation with him. And then ask him out. You need to position yourself as a fun person in his life who doesn't put any emotional burden on him.
Hey Denise,
I think it's quite possible to start dating him again and support him as well. I think you should follow the 5 step plan. You don't need to send the hand written letter. But it will be a good idea to start texting him in another week or two. Have fun conversation with him. And then ask him out. You need to position yourself as a fun person in his life who doesn't put any emotional burden on him.
Hello
I just came across this article. My boyfriend of 13 years and two kids later recently broke up with me. I'm 28 and he's 31. He recently started working a new job a few months ago, and is really enjoying the attention he's been getting at work. One girl in particular showed very strong interest in him and was contacting multiple times a day, and this went on for a month or so. He broke up with me saying at first that he fell out of love with me. Then it went to I love you, but I'm not "in love" with you. And now he admits he still has feelings for me, but also for that girl. So he claims that he's unsure about everything. Before all this happened, he was ring shopping. We were planning on getting married in about a year or two. And now he's unsure about anything anymore. He needs time and space to think about things, and he says he doesn't know what the future will bring. We share a house together with our kids. He's planning on getting his own place and letting me and the kids stay home. So right now the no contact is very hard, what else should I be doing? He's so unsure about stuff. He's doing the break up for him and then for the kids, that its not about me or this new girl in his life. That its something that's wrong with him. He says if we can get over this, we will be stronger in the end, individually at first but if it brings us closer together, than we can work on that. I'm trying to understand things, what should I do? Thanks for the help. :)
I have a feeling that everything he is saying is to keep you waiting for him while he goes out and has his fling with the other girl. He doesn't want to lose you, but he wants to see how things go with the other girl. I think you should let him go. If you can accept him even after all this, I think there's a good chance he will eventually come back. Once he leaves, start no contact and start making some positive changes in your life. It's definitely going to help your chances.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. The only thing is, I told him, if he pursues her that I'm done. That I won't be a second choice. So he keeps telling me that if he really wanted to be in a relationship with her, he could be "right now" but he isn't. He keeps telling me that he isn't ready to start another relationship till he's sure what he wants in life. So I'm trying to figure out what his plan is, after he moves to the new apartment and I do the 30 day no contact.
Then let him figure out what he wants in life. Give him his space and you start preparing yourself mentally for the worst.
Just wanted to give an update. He moves into his apartment tomorrow, so I'll be able to apply the NC rule. I just wanted to ask you, when he says hurtful things such as "I could be dating her right now, but I'm not" and "Sometimes I just want to date her just to piss you off!" ??? It hurts for me to hear these things. Why would he say that? And also lately the last week or so, he's been angry, I confronted him about it, and he says he isn't angry at me, he doesn't know why he's angry all the time now.
It's just his way of dealing with his anger, in my opinion. Don't take it personally. He is confused, and it's as hard on him as it is on you. NC will help him gather his thoughts and subside his anger.
It's just his way of dealing with his anger, in my opinion. Don't take it personally. He is confused, and it's as hard on him as it is on you. NC will help him gather his thoughts and subside his anger.
It's just his way of dealing with his anger, in my opinion. Don't take it personally. He is confused, and it's as hard on him as it is on you. NC will help him gather his thoughts and subside his anger.
It's just his way of dealing with his anger, in my opinion. Don't take it personally. He is confused, and it's as hard on him as it is on you. NC will help him gather his thoughts and subside his anger.
It's just his way of dealing with his anger, in my opinion. Don't take it personally. He is confused, and it's as hard on him as it is on you. NC will help him gather his thoughts and subside his anger.
It's just his way of dealing with his anger, in my opinion. Don't take it personally. He is confused, and it's as hard on him as it is on you. NC will help him gather his thoughts and subside his anger.
Just wanted to give an update. He moves into his apartment tomorrow, so I'll be able to apply the NC rule. I just wanted to ask you, when he says hurtful things such as "I could be dating her right now, but I'm not" and "Sometimes I just want to date her just to piss you off!" ??? It hurts for me to hear these things. Why would he say that? And also lately the last week or so, he's been angry, I confronted him about it, and he says he isn't angry at me, he doesn't know why he's angry all the time now.
Just wanted to give an update. He moves into his apartment tomorrow, so I'll be able to apply the NC rule. I just wanted to ask you, when he says hurtful things such as "I could be dating her right now, but I'm not" and "Sometimes I just want to date her just to piss you off!" ??? It hurts for me to hear these things. Why would he say that? And also lately the last week or so, he's been angry, I confronted him about it, and he says he isn't angry at me, he doesn't know why he's angry all the time now.
Just wanted to give an update. He moves into his apartment tomorrow, so I'll be able to apply the NC rule. I just wanted to ask you, when he says hurtful things such as "I could be dating her right now, but I'm not" and "Sometimes I just want to date her just to piss you off!" ??? It hurts for me to hear these things. Why would he say that? And also lately the last week or so, he's been angry, I confronted him about it, and he says he isn't angry at me, he doesn't know why he's angry all the time now.
Just wanted to give an update. He moves into his apartment tomorrow, so I'll be able to apply the NC rule. I just wanted to ask you, when he says hurtful things such as "I could be dating her right now, but I'm not" and "Sometimes I just want to date her just to piss you off!" ??? It hurts for me to hear these things. Why would he say that? And also lately the last week or so, he's been angry, I confronted him about it, and he says he isn't angry at me, he doesn't know why he's angry all the time now.
Then let him figure out what he wants in life. Give him his space and you start preparing yourself mentally for the worst.
Then let him figure out what he wants in life. Give him his space and you start preparing yourself mentally for the worst.
Then let him figure out what he wants in life. Give him his space and you start preparing yourself mentally for the worst.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. The only thing is, I told him, if he pursues her that I'm done. That I won't be a second choice. So he keeps telling me that if he really wanted to be in a relationship with her, he could be "right now" but he isn't. He keeps telling me that he isn't ready to start another relationship till he's sure what he wants in life. So I'm trying to figure out what his plan is, after he moves to the new apartment and I do the 30 day no contact.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the advice. The only thing is, I told him, if he pursues her that I'm done. That I won't be a second choice. So he keeps telling me that if he really wanted to be in a relationship with her, he could be "right now" but he isn't. He keeps telling me that he isn't ready to start another relationship till he's sure what he wants in life. So I'm trying to figure out what his plan is, after he moves to the new apartment and I do the 30 day no contact.
I have a feeling that everything he is saying is to keep you waiting for him while he goes out and has his fling with the other girl. He doesn't want to lose you, but he wants to see how things go with the other girl. I think you should let him go. If you can accept him even after all this, I think there's a good chance he will eventually come back. Once he leaves, start no contact and start making some positive changes in your life. It's definitely going to help your chances.
Hi my ex broke up with me yesterday after three years of being together.. we had a fight on tuesday last and he said how the things i said to him were hurtful and how we cannot continue ne more...he did however say he still has feelings for me...i did ask him if he was with some one else which he denied it but i dont believe him..if he is with someone new and was with someone during our relationship as in cheating.. is there still a chance for us to get back together???
Yes, there is a chance. But I'll recommend you start no contact and think real hard if you want to be with someone who cheated on you.
Yes, there is a chance. But I'll recommend you start no contact and think real hard if you want to be with someone who cheated on you.
Kevin:
Anon again...
How long is a awhile? What kind of casual text? What do I say?
Hi Kevin. I have to admit that I have made most of the mistakes in your article but in my defense I was with him for almost 6 yrs (me 16-21 him 18-23). We lived together for the last 8 months. We took a break 2 mos before moving in together b/c I had communication issues that I needed to deal with. This break was not a break at all. We talked everyday we still hung out and we still had sex. I had a tendency of giving him the cold shoulder when I was mad or annoyed and if he asked what was wrong I wouldn't say. A wk ago he broke up with me for the same reason.. Communication. He said he was tired of having to read my my mind or guess what was wrong with me and that he hoped that the space would be something I needed in order to realize that comm between the 2 of us is important. He said he encouraged me to date others to gain the experience of having a BF and, again, to realize that comm is important between a relationship. He says he not ruling out having a future with me but that he wasn't going to wait for me and that I shouldn't either. From day 1 until the end we always planned ou future together and it's hard to decide if it was real planning or just fake. I don't know if he's using me as an excuse to move on and seek other women or if he really is hoping I can communicate better and move fwd with our relationship.
I think it's a bit of both. I assume it was the first serious relationship for both of you. So he is obviously thinking of going out testing the waters. Communication issues might have given him a little push in that direction. Regardless, you should work on your communication issues. A good place to start is the book "non-violent communication".
Thank you for the advice Kevin. I will definitely go looking for that book. I'm at that point where I'll do anything to get him back and I wish I would have looked for strategies before we broke up and also noticed that we were headed in the wrong direction so that I could have changed for the better and had a chance to make our relationship stronger.
Thank you for the advice Kevin. I will definitely go looking for that book. I'm at that point where I'll do anything to get him back and I wish I would have looked for strategies before we broke up and also noticed that we were headed in the wrong direction so that I could have changed for the better and had a chance to make our relationship stronger.
Thank you for the advice Kevin. I will definitely go looking for that book. I'm at that point where I'll do anything to get him back and I wish I would have looked for strategies before we broke up and also noticed that we were headed in the wrong direction so that I could have changed for the better and had a chance to make our relationship stronger.
I think it's a bit of both. I assume it was the first serious relationship for both of you. So he is obviously thinking of going out testing the waters. Communication issues might have given him a little push in that direction. Regardless, you should work on your communication issues. A good place to start is the book "non-violent communication".
Hi Kevin, it's been 2 months since my ex of 5 years and I broke up. Needless to say, I still think of him every day. Although we may have established the false friendship, we weren't talking. I simply do not know how to ask him out without making him feel I have yet to get over him. That's why the only way to see him is to go through mutual friends. And I am so ready to let him see how much happier I've become ever since the breakup (since I know being happy would take pressure off him to feel at ease with my presence). However, we are only due to meet next week and this coming Saturday is his nephew's birthday and I really wanted to give the kid one of my paintings as a present. After all, I won't know if I have a chance to do so in future and I wrote a rather long message for the 3yo telling him the significance of my painting. I know he may not understand at his age but I wanted to make the thought count especially when I may not be there to watch him grow up. Not sure if his family or my ex would think my message have a hidden meaning of still having feelings for him. That's why the contemplation. And another thing is I'm not sure if I should go through my ex or should I meet his family without his knowledge? Worried he might think I'm using his family to give him pressure. What should I do?
If you were close with his family before the breakup, I don't see a reason for not contacting his family. But still, I think going through your ex might be a good idea. As for the hidden meaning thing, maybe they'll think like that. But you should not overthink it. If anyone asks, you can tell them what was your intention with the message.
Hi Kevin, thanks for the advice. I had been thinking about it the whole day yesterday and I think it would be a better idea to go through my ex too as it gives me the opportunity to talk to him yet I can display a bit of indifference to show that it's really just a present with no hidden meaning. But just thinking about talking to him again after so long makes me nervous yet excited. My heart feels like jumping out. I think I'm ready to meet him, yet not sure if I could really 'act' as though we're friends.
I am confident you will do great.
I am confident you will do great.
I am confident you will do great.
I am confident you will do great.
Hi Kevin, thanks for the advice. I had been thinking about it the whole day yesterday and I think it would be a better idea to go through my ex too as it gives me the opportunity to talk to him yet I can display a bit of indifference to show that it's really just a present with no hidden meaning. But just thinking about talking to him again after so long makes me nervous yet excited. My heart feels like jumping out. I think I'm ready to meet him, yet not sure if I could really 'act' as though we're friends.
Hi Kevin, thanks for the advice. I had been thinking about it the whole day yesterday and I think it would be a better idea to go through my ex too as it gives me the opportunity to talk to him yet I can display a bit of indifference to show that it's really just a present with no hidden meaning. But just thinking about talking to him again after so long makes me nervous yet excited. My heart feels like jumping out. I think I'm ready to meet him, yet not sure if I could really 'act' as though we're friends.
If you were close with his family before the breakup, I don't see a reason for not contacting his family. But still, I think going through your ex might be a good idea. As for the hidden meaning thing, maybe they'll think like that. But you should not overthink it. If anyone asks, you can tell them what was your intention with the message.
Hi. My boyfriend and I were dating for almost six years. We started dating in high school and now we are in college. We moved in together this year and everything was going pretty well until he got a job and was gone a lot. He broke up with me 2 months ago and had even started a fling with a girl he works with. That ended a few weeks ago. Last week we had hung out in person for the first time since the split and he admitted that the reason he ended things with the other girl was because his feelings for her were nothing compared to what he still felt for me. But, he says he is enjoying being single and doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want to lead me on. After hanging out, I told myself I would start no contact. It's been a week, but I guess I am just concerned that he is enjoying me not contacting him. I know it's a common concern, but I am worried that he won't miss me and space apart will make him realize that he is having more fun being single and not having to worry about having another person to care and be there for. What do I do?
Continue no contact. Even if he is enjoying himself, let him do so. If people enjoyed being single so much, no one would ever start a relationship. Eventually he will miss you.
Continue no contact. Even if he is enjoying himself, let him do so. If people enjoyed being single so much, no one would ever start a relationship. Eventually he will miss you.
Hey Kevin
I have a chronical disease and the meds I am on can and do cause aggression and irritation. I was very criticizing at times, and the disease itself has been a lot to handle, but my husband stayed by my side (he did talk about leaving like, every day for the past 2 years. I did everything to ensure he didn´t. Begged, pleaded, reminded him of our son - well, us having a small son, and me not being able to take care of him was one of the reasons to stay as well, and he did, but during every fight he would tell me he stayed just because I was sick, he couldnt wait to get out of our marriage. I just tried harder, affection, crying, and he did stay but talked about leaving all the time, no affection towards me etc. As I got better, he got worse-and tried to get back at me,for every word, every hurt, every push I had given him. I can´t forgive you, ever, I can´t forget, was his mantra. he stayed because he had to. . It changed during the last 2 months and he got kinder, more affectionate, hugged me when I needed. It all got better, but my psychological health was so bad at the time that I just sried and had nervous breakdowns. I was just in so much fear, hurt, tired of being sick and hated. He was just happy I wasnt taking it out on him. I love my husband deeply, and know his heart. I know he does love me, and he is a good man that did everything to keep his family together, he just wasnt strong enough, and I couldnt be strong for us both. I pushed his buttons and he hit me 2 weeks ago. He also bend my arms. I scratched him very much because I got so angry. He blamed me for it, and the day after he went to pick up his sisters kids and just didn´t come back. I texted his sister the day after, thinking something happened, and got a text from his mum that I was an abuser, my time of terror is over, nobody would hurt her baby - I called her and asked wtf she meant, and he had told her the most horrific stories, all twisted, all private details (me being unable to shower for weeks during my sickest period, him having to carry me to the toilet, me forcing him to pee outside (taken out of context) and so on.. I felt humiliated, degraded and just did not call more. 2 days after, I called her to ask if her son ever planned on contacting me because I wanted to know what next, and our son was going trough some really rough time, nightmares, screaming daddy, and so on. She told me she didnt know, and the day after he called social services on me to tell them I was crazy and unfit mother. he tried toget my mother to take me to a mental hospital. The deal is that my mental health got way better without him present. Now 2 weeks have passed and I feel ok, not suicidal (which I was the first 3days), not great, but clearly his behaviour towards me , and mine towards him was a big stress in my life- and his. What I do regrett is taht he never went to counceling with me, because I know we love each other, and I want to keep my family. I love my husband, he is the most genuine, good hearted person on earth, funny and a great dad. I love him dearly, and he is my soulmate. We had a great relation before I got sick. After the social services incident I didnt call nor contact him. I have no direct number to him, and I did not msg his mother where he apparently stays. So no contact now for almost 2 weeks. This night, I got an sms from his mums phone, it was him telling me that he would like to see his son, and telling me a place to meet tomorrow asking if that was ok. I thought it was a bit to soon, but see that he should see his dad. He has a cold right now,and I don´t think that tomorrow is the right day, I have some errands and meeting up with some friends, and leaving him alone with my son is not an option since he did try to take him from me, (the point behind going to social services). Tomorrow is obviously not happening, but I do want my son to see his dad, and I was honestly furious that he did not ask about him for 2 weeks, just to see how his son is doing.I do love him and want his back eventually, but right now I am so mad, sad, hurt, have somany qustions, how could yous, and why did yous, that I am super scared of meeting him, I am affraid that I might cry, get mad, yell, make faces (he picks up on these things..) I dont want him to think that everything os ok. It isnot.He freaking hurt me, destroyed my son in a way (he is very aggresive, clingy, a bit distant now, compared to the worlds happiest child before..) He is still happy and we have fun , but he has a mummy that cries all the time. I am very mad, hurt, very dissapointed in how he handled it,his lies, attempts to make me a crazy person.. I have not forgiven, and he shpuld not think that (I always forgave everythung during our marriage, that got us here..) but still want a shot at a new beginning. How do I behave when we meet, or should I not meet at all despite our son? I am going insane, still happy he did get in touch though.. What do you think?
Hey Ella,
Thanks for sharing your story. I think you should not meet him unless you are absolutely sure that you can handle it in a calm and rational manner. Without any blaming and without any arguing. In fact, whenever you meet him, do not talk to him at all unless it's about your son. I know you want a shot at a new beginning but I want you to take at least a couple of months break. Your mental health is getting better and I think it will get even better if you stay no contact with your husband. If he tries to contact you, you can let him know that you need a break and you can arrange something for him to see his son once a week.
Thank you dearly for your response Kevin. What I wrote was long, and you are a kind sul to read it and answer! I also think that you are right, and that it might be impossible to be rational in only a months time. I told him friday suited better for meeting our son, but have gotten no response. When we do meet (and we will have to if he wants to see his kid) - I will have to be in the vicinity since he has threatened to take my son away, plus, my son is very very clingy to me and will probably freak out if I left him alone with his dad. Do you have any suggestions as to how to act when we do meet. I planed on not talking at all, just stand beside and let them play, but I do however feel that it might worsen my chances to get back together as he will see this grumpy person he is so happy not to have in his life - or should I just pretend to be happy and chat on about our son. I am still mad at him and that would be pretending, but I dont know what else to do. I know I should not be that close, and ideally I should just leave them alone, but I can´t risk that he takes our son - this guy tried to get me into a nuthouse 2 weeks ago- so I ll have to be around, just dont know how to act! I would really appreciate your response! Thank you so much!
Just treat him like someone you are in good terms with but you are not close with. Don't try to chat with him too much. If he talks to you, respond with a short answer. A good idea will be to have something with you, like a book so you have something to do while they play and you can keep an eye on them as well. Also, talk to a lawyer if you haven't already.
Thank you! A book is a great idea! Lawyer would be great, but is unfortunately not an option since I don´t work, and my mum is supporting us, but I did talk to social services, to report that I am worried about him taking my son away. As long as we are married, he actually has the right to take the kid whenever and go wherever, so that is why I am afraid to leave my child with him.. He has not answered regarding meeting up w his son on Friday, has not replied to my sms and I am freaking out a bit since I am scared that his mum did not show him (I have no direct number to him, he is communicating with me via his mother) . I am sure that he misses his son and will respond some day, and I feel more calm about that. All your suggestions are so helpful, and I feel much more confident about meeting him now :-) I actually have a bunch of ideas for my own business, a bit of drive, and an excited feeling in my stomach, and I think it is thanks to your support, and concrete, hands on advise.. Thank you! You really are the best!
Hey Ella,
You have to consider the possibility that he might be talking to a lawyer and might take some legal action to take your son away from you. Like you said, he can legally take your son with him anywhere he wants. So, you better be prepared for anything. I think most lawyers almost everywhere offer low cost or free consultation, so I think you should contact a lawyer asap.
Hey Ella,
You have to consider the possibility that he might be talking to a lawyer and might take some legal action to take your son away from you. Like you said, he can legally take your son with him anywhere he wants. So, you better be prepared for anything. I think most lawyers almost everywhere offer low cost or free consultation, so I think you should contact a lawyer asap.
Hey Ella,
You have to consider the possibility that he might be talking to a lawyer and might take some legal action to take your son away from you. Like you said, he can legally take your son with him anywhere he wants. So, you better be prepared for anything. I think most lawyers almost everywhere offer low cost or free consultation, so I think you should contact a lawyer asap.
Hey Ella,
You have to consider the possibility that he might be talking to a lawyer and might take some legal action to take your son away from you. Like you said, he can legally take your son with him anywhere he wants. So, you better be prepared for anything. I think most lawyers almost everywhere offer low cost or free consultation, so I think you should contact a lawyer asap.
Hey Ella,
You have to consider the possibility that he might be talking to a lawyer and might take some legal action to take your son away from you. Like you said, he can legally take your son with him anywhere he wants. So, you better be prepared for anything. I think most lawyers almost everywhere offer low cost or free consultation, so I think you should contact a lawyer asap.
Hey Ella,
You have to consider the possibility that he might be talking to a lawyer and might take some legal action to take your son away from you. Like you said, he can legally take your son with him anywhere he wants. So, you better be prepared for anything. I think most lawyers almost everywhere offer low cost or free consultation, so I think you should contact a lawyer asap.
Thank you! A book is a great idea! Lawyer would be great, but is unfortunately not an option since I don´t work, and my mum is supporting us, but I did talk to social services, to report that I am worried about him taking my son away. As long as we are married, he actually has the right to take the kid whenever and go wherever, so that is why I am afraid to leave my child with him.. He has not answered regarding meeting up w his son on Friday, has not replied to my sms and I am freaking out a bit since I am scared that his mum did not show him (I have no direct number to him, he is communicating with me via his mother) . I am sure that he misses his son and will respond some day, and I feel more calm about that. All your suggestions are so helpful, and I feel much more confident about meeting him now :-) I actually have a bunch of ideas for my own business, a bit of drive, and an excited feeling in my stomach, and I think it is thanks to your support, and concrete, hands on advise.. Thank you! You really are the best!
Thank you! A book is a great idea! Lawyer would be great, but is unfortunately not an option since I don´t work, and my mum is supporting us, but I did talk to social services, to report that I am worried about him taking my son away. As long as we are married, he actually has the right to take the kid whenever and go wherever, so that is why I am afraid to leave my child with him.. He has not answered regarding meeting up w his son on Friday, has not replied to my sms and I am freaking out a bit since I am scared that his mum did not show him (I have no direct number to him, he is communicating with me via his mother) . I am sure that he misses his son and will respond some day, and I feel more calm about that. All your suggestions are so helpful, and I feel much more confident about meeting him now :-) I actually have a bunch of ideas for my own business, a bit of drive, and an excited feeling in my stomach, and I think it is thanks to your support, and concrete, hands on advise.. Thank you! You really are the best!
Thank you! A book is a great idea! Lawyer would be great, but is unfortunately not an option since I don´t work, and my mum is supporting us, but I did talk to social services, to report that I am worried about him taking my son away. As long as we are married, he actually has the right to take the kid whenever and go wherever, so that is why I am afraid to leave my child with him.. He has not answered regarding meeting up w his son on Friday, has not replied to my sms and I am freaking out a bit since I am scared that his mum did not show him (I have no direct number to him, he is communicating with me via his mother) . I am sure that he misses his son and will respond some day, and I feel more calm about that. All your suggestions are so helpful, and I feel much more confident about meeting him now :-) I actually have a bunch of ideas for my own business, a bit of drive, and an excited feeling in my stomach, and I think it is thanks to your support, and concrete, hands on advise.. Thank you! You really are the best!
Thank you! A book is a great idea! Lawyer would be great, but is unfortunately not an option since I don´t work, and my mum is supporting us, but I did talk to social services, to report that I am worried about him taking my son away. As long as we are married, he actually has the right to take the kid whenever and go wherever, so that is why I am afraid to leave my child with him.. He has not answered regarding meeting up w his son on Friday, has not replied to my sms and I am freaking out a bit since I am scared that his mum did not show him (I have no direct number to him, he is communicating with me via his mother) . I am sure that he misses his son and will respond some day, and I feel more calm about that. All your suggestions are so helpful, and I feel much more confident about meeting him now :-) I actually have a bunch of ideas for my own business, a bit of drive, and an excited feeling in my stomach, and I think it is thanks to your support, and concrete, hands on advise.. Thank you! You really are the best!
Just treat him like someone you are in good terms with but you are not close with. Don't try to chat with him too much. If he talks to you, respond with a short answer. A good idea will be to have something with you, like a book so you have something to do while they play and you can keep an eye on them as well. Also, talk to a lawyer if you haven't already.
Just treat him like someone you are in good terms with but you are not close with. Don't try to chat with him too much. If he talks to you, respond with a short answer. A good idea will be to have something with you, like a book so you have something to do while they play and you can keep an eye on them as well. Also, talk to a lawyer if you haven't already.
Just treat him like someone you are in good terms with but you are not close with. Don't try to chat with him too much. If he talks to you, respond with a short answer. A good idea will be to have something with you, like a book so you have something to do while they play and you can keep an eye on them as well. Also, talk to a lawyer if you haven't already.
Thank you dearly for your response Kevin. What I wrote was long, and you are a kind sul to read it and answer! I also think that you are right, and that it might be impossible to be rational in only a months time. I told him friday suited better for meeting our son, but have gotten no response. When we do meet (and we will have to if he wants to see his kid) - I will have to be in the vicinity since he has threatened to take my son away, plus, my son is very very clingy to me and will probably freak out if I left him alone with his dad. Do you have any suggestions as to how to act when we do meet. I planed on not talking at all, just stand beside and let them play, but I do however feel that it might worsen my chances to get back together as he will see this grumpy person he is so happy not to have in his life - or should I just pretend to be happy and chat on about our son. I am still mad at him and that would be pretending, but I dont know what else to do. I know I should not be that close, and ideally I should just leave them alone, but I can´t risk that he takes our son - this guy tried to get me into a nuthouse 2 weeks ago- so I ll have to be around, just dont know how to act! I would really appreciate your response! Thank you so much!
Thank you dearly for your response Kevin. What I wrote was long, and you are a kind sul to read it and answer! I also think that you are right, and that it might be impossible to be rational in only a months time. I told him friday suited better for meeting our son, but have gotten no response. When we do meet (and we will have to if he wants to see his kid) - I will have to be in the vicinity since he has threatened to take my son away, plus, my son is very very clingy to me and will probably freak out if I left him alone with his dad. Do you have any suggestions as to how to act when we do meet. I planed on not talking at all, just stand beside and let them play, but I do however feel that it might worsen my chances to get back together as he will see this grumpy person he is so happy not to have in his life - or should I just pretend to be happy and chat on about our son. I am still mad at him and that would be pretending, but I dont know what else to do. I know I should not be that close, and ideally I should just leave them alone, but I can´t risk that he takes our son - this guy tried to get me into a nuthouse 2 weeks ago- so I ll have to be around, just dont know how to act! I would really appreciate your response! Thank you so much!
Hey Ella,
Thanks for sharing your story. I think you should not meet him unless you are absolutely sure that you can handle it in a calm and rational manner. Without any blaming and without any arguing. In fact, whenever you meet him, do not talk to him at all unless it's about your son. I know you want a shot at a new beginning but I want you to take at least a couple of months break. Your mental health is getting better and I think it will get even better if you stay no contact with your husband. If he tries to contact you, you can let him know that you need a break and you can arrange something for him to see his son once a week.
Hey Kevin so um me and my ex girlfriend unfortunately lives next door to me we broke up because of excessive arguing about tiny things we agreed to break up around December and in January we were on and off and since valentines day she has been she only wants to be friends nothing more but since then we had sex twice and she still calls me every day and hangs out with me every day but our conversations are much shorter and she doesn't hang around me for a long period of time can you help me out Kevin?
Apply no contact for a while. Follow the advise in this article.
Apply no contact for a while. Follow the advise in this article.
Hi Kevin,
I want to tell my story and maybe some advice or your look at things.
I'm 41 years old and she's 40 if it matters.
I was with my girlfriend for 14 years, in my opinion all was going well, we hardly fought and I thought we were really happy togheter and we'd never split up. Untill last december when she told me out of the blue she was going to leave and actually did on the first day of christmass ( december 25th). She took her clothes and left to a place 250 km from here on an island. She left everything else behind, including her son, my stephson, who is now living with me. He's already 21 though, but I don't know if that matters.
Anyway, not even 2 weeks before she left we had plans to buy a house togheter, made plans for summers vacation, she planned a new study for her work and then suddenly she turned 180 degrees and said: "you don;'t give me enough attention, you don't love me anymore, I'm going to leave, it's not you, it's me"... I was like.. "uh.. oke", totally took me offguard.
Well.. as I said on first christmas day she got in her car and left. The months after I ofcourse did all the things I shouldn't have done.. begged, pleaded, trying to convince.. and ofcourse non worked. However there were alot texts and phonecalls from her side telling me she didn't know why she left, she was unhappy, she didn't know what she was doing there and that she would come back. But she never came back.
Anyway, it went back and forth like for a while and 5 weeks ago we agreed to meet and I went to her new place. When I got out of the car she kissed me, but that's the only time she even looked at me or touched me. It was strange, like we were strangers. I wanted to leave right there and then, and I guess I should have, but I was staying for the weekend, so I thought/hoped the next day would be better and we just had to adjust to the situation. Well, saturdays we went to walk on the beach, but she walked a mile away from me and in the evening we went to see a movie, but also there she leaned to the other side from where I was sitting. When we were in bed at night ( nothing happened ) she said all of a sudden that she really loves me alot, that I'm a handsome nice guy, that she liked me alot, that I had to hold her and lay against her.. but she was not in love in me. When she fell asleep I got my stuff and left. The next morning she called and texted me why I left and why I didn't wake her, she wasn't happy I left. Anyway, the next week she kept texting me and stuff, but about 3 weeks ago it stopped. I sent 1 or 2 mails to her and some texts, only to ask how she was doing, but she never responded anymore.
Now last saturday I was in my livingroom when her son came downstairs looking sad. I asked him what was up and he told he called his mom to ask how she was and he told me she said she was superhappy, she met a guy 3 weeks ago and is now living togheter with him. He asked her questions about why so fast and all, but she didn't respond to any of those. I find it very strange when not even 6 weeks ago she said she wanted to come back and was unhappy, now 3 weeks later she meets some random guy and 1,5 week later they live togheter and she's superhappy. That doesn't make sence to me. I had to wait 8 years before she even asked me if we should live togheter and even after that it took 1 year before she actually moved in with me...
As I said she never contacted me again or anything and also never responded to any of my mails anymore, I guess I know why now, but anyway, yesterday I sent her a final email to wish them well, and that I hope she will find what she is looking for and that it's oke the way it is now. And that this was the very last thing she'd ever hear from me and I'd move away from her to let her be happy.
Not even 15 minutes later I got a reply from her, while she never responded to my former mails, to tell she wanted to contact me, but was busy organizing her new job and all and that she'll contact me soon again. Don't know why she responded, but maybe because I said I was moving out of her life and we'd never see eachother again? Don't know.. don't know what to think of this.
I mean.. we were togheter for 14 years, we were like best friends for a year before that, it took me 9 years to get her to live togheter and now she meets a random guy 3 weeks ago and already living togheter in a superhappy life with him 1,5 week after she meets him..
What should I do? Leave her? I love her so much and I really want her back.
Thnx for reading!
Hey Steve,
I am sorry you are in this situation. As for her new guy, it's probably a rebound and she might come back after her rebound relationship is over. I think you should apply no contact and make some positive changes in your life. Perhaps, you should even go out on a date or two. It might help her realize that you will not wait forever and she might want to come back.
Thanks for your reply! Yeah, I blocked her from Facebook, cause I'm catching myself looking at her wall alot, it's all private, so I don't see anything anyways except her profile picture. Also blocked all her friends and family, cause I'd watch those too. Took her off Whatsapp and deleted her phonenumber. Removed all pictures and most of her belonings from my house. I'm working on myself, took a new study I always wanted to do and I read alot of books about relationships and how to maintain those and such. If it's not for her, it's for when I meet someone else. You're right, I can't wait forever and I won't wait forever. The fact that she's already living with someone else so soon tells alot I guess. She was married to the father of her son, they divorced, so she wanted to take things slow with me, as I told, slow as in a year of just being friends, then 9 years to live togheter and this guy only had to wait 9 days.. Don't know if I have to laugh or cry about it, also don't know if I feel more sorry for him or should I feel sorry for her, but that's not my business anymore I guess. All my family and friends, including her own son advice me to just move on and she's not worth my time, but that's hard. Maybe I should take their advice, but on the other hand I wished she'd come back to me. Anyway, thanks again for your time and reply!
Thanks for your reply! Yeah, I blocked her from Facebook, cause I'm catching myself looking at her wall alot, it's all private, so I don't see anything anyways except her profile picture. Also blocked all her friends and family, cause I'd watch those too. Took her off Whatsapp and deleted her phonenumber. Removed all pictures and most of her belonings from my house. I'm working on myself, took a new study I always wanted to do and I read alot of books about relationships and how to maintain those and such. If it's not for her, it's for when I meet someone else. You're right, I can't wait forever and I won't wait forever. The fact that she's already living with someone else so soon tells alot I guess. She was married to the father of her son, they divorced, so she wanted to take things slow with me, as I told, slow as in a year of just being friends, then 9 years to live togheter and this guy only had to wait 9 days.. Don't know if I have to laugh or cry about it, also don't know if I feel more sorry for him or should I feel sorry for her, but that's not my business anymore I guess. All my family and friends, including her own son advice me to just move on and she's not worth my time, but that's hard. Maybe I should take their advice, but on the other hand I wished she'd come back to me. Anyway, thanks again for your time and reply!
Thanks for your reply! Yeah, I blocked her from Facebook, cause I'm catching myself looking at her wall alot, it's all private, so I don't see anything anyways except her profile picture. Also blocked all her friends and family, cause I'd watch those too. Took her off Whatsapp and deleted her phonenumber. Removed all pictures and most of her belonings from my house. I'm working on myself, took a new study I always wanted to do and I read alot of books about relationships and how to maintain those and such. If it's not for her, it's for when I meet someone else. You're right, I can't wait forever and I won't wait forever. The fact that she's already living with someone else so soon tells alot I guess. She was married to the father of her son, they divorced, so she wanted to take things slow with me, as I told, slow as in a year of just being friends, then 9 years to live togheter and this guy only had to wait 9 days.. Don't know if I have to laugh or cry about it, also don't know if I feel more sorry for him or should I feel sorry for her, but that's not my business anymore I guess. All my family and friends, including her own son advice me to just move on and she's not worth my time, but that's hard. Maybe I should take their advice, but on the other hand I wished she'd come back to me. Anyway, thanks again for your time and reply!
Hey Steve,
I am sorry you are in this situation. As for her new guy, it's probably a rebound and she might come back after her rebound relationship is over. I think you should apply no contact and make some positive changes in your life. Perhaps, you should even go out on a date or two. It might help her realize that you will not wait forever and she might want to come back.
Hey Kevin, I must say what a fab website, great work and such a nice guy to want to help others going through hell & heartache.
The problem with me is I am in a same sex relationship, and was with my partner for 3 years and 6 months. As the relationship was a secret it used to make me jealous and insurcure, so this caused a few rows in the relationship. However as a whole the relationship was good, we were lovers as well as best friends, and we had such a strong conncection, bond, everything you could want with a partner. Now my partner has ended the relationship, and as you do I did all the stuff mentioned above that you should never do, I even threatnered killing myself and also outing her, which is the lowest of the low. Now my ex says they can never take back what I said and that she would never forgive me or trust me for what I said (which is understandable)
After a few days my ex said they would like to try and be friends as they would still like me in their life.
Do you think we could get the relationship back? What would you advice to this please?
Thank you so much in advance.
Thank you again, I will defo make no contact now for 45 days starting today!
Do you think now tho it's to late as you said only try the plan once and if it does not work move on x
I say that to everyone. Not because I think it's too late, but because I think you shouldn't waste your entire life trying to pursue an ex. You should try it just once and if it doesn't work, you should move on.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again for getting back to me even tho I have sent you many messages.
I have tried to stop second gusessing what she is thinking, just feels like the more I leave it the more she can move on and forget me, I feel to much damage has been done for her to take me back, and she will be thinking about not taking me back with the space?
Really, may I ask why you still think there is a chance? After I outed her (which was her worst worst fear) and she said she was going to get police on me, why do you feel there is a chance?
Everything you did, you did because you were hurt. A lot of couples say and do things to hurt each other. It's not exactly healthy behavior but it's very common. Heck, a lot of time a person will cheat on their spouse and they will still get back together and work things out. What you did was bad, no doubt, but as time passes, she will most probably start missing you and she will forgive you for what you did. Of course, there is also a chance that you will not get back together. Like I mention in the article, there is no guarantee. But you do have a chance if you follow the advice in the article. Give her time and space, then send her the apology letter. And then leave her alone again.
If you actually follow the plan, and stop being needy and desperate, your ex will be taken by surprise and will find herself getting attracted to you again. The reason you did all those things is because you were needy. And when your ex sees you as a confident and secure person, she will realize that you are no longer the person who did those things and will forgive you.
Everything you did, you did because you were hurt. A lot of couples say and do things to hurt each other. It's not exactly healthy behavior but it's very common. Heck, a lot of time a person will cheat on their spouse and they will still get back together and work things out. What you did was bad, no doubt, but as time passes, she will most probably start missing you and she will forgive you for what you did. Of course, there is also a chance that you will not get back together. Like I mention in the article, there is no guarantee. But you do have a chance if you follow the advice in the article. Give her time and space, then send her the apology letter. And then leave her alone again.
If you actually follow the plan, and stop being needy and desperate, your ex will be taken by surprise and will find herself getting attracted to you again. The reason you did all those things is because you were needy. And when your ex sees you as a confident and secure person, she will realize that you are no longer the person who did those things and will forgive you.
Everything you did, you did because you were hurt. A lot of couples say and do things to hurt each other. It's not exactly healthy behavior but it's very common. Heck, a lot of time a person will cheat on their spouse and they will still get back together and work things out. What you did was bad, no doubt, but as time passes, she will most probably start missing you and she will forgive you for what you did. Of course, there is also a chance that you will not get back together. Like I mention in the article, there is no guarantee. But you do have a chance if you follow the advice in the article. Give her time and space, then send her the apology letter. And then leave her alone again.
If you actually follow the plan, and stop being needy and desperate, your ex will be taken by surprise and will find herself getting attracted to you again. The reason you did all those things is because you were needy. And when your ex sees you as a confident and secure person, she will realize that you are no longer the person who did those things and will forgive you.
Everything you did, you did because you were hurt. A lot of couples say and do things to hurt each other. It's not exactly healthy behavior but it's very common. Heck, a lot of time a person will cheat on their spouse and they will still get back together and work things out. What you did was bad, no doubt, but as time passes, she will most probably start missing you and she will forgive you for what you did. Of course, there is also a chance that you will not get back together. Like I mention in the article, there is no guarantee. But you do have a chance if you follow the advice in the article. Give her time and space, then send her the apology letter. And then leave her alone again.
If you actually follow the plan, and stop being needy and desperate, your ex will be taken by surprise and will find herself getting attracted to you again. The reason you did all those things is because you were needy. And when your ex sees you as a confident and secure person, she will realize that you are no longer the person who did those things and will forgive you.
Everything you did, you did because you were hurt. A lot of couples say and do things to hurt each other. It's not exactly healthy behavior but it's very common. Heck, a lot of time a person will cheat on their spouse and they will still get back together and work things out. What you did was bad, no doubt, but as time passes, she will most probably start missing you and she will forgive you for what you did. Of course, there is also a chance that you will not get back together. Like I mention in the article, there is no guarantee. But you do have a chance if you follow the advice in the article. Give her time and space, then send her the apology letter. And then leave her alone again.
If you actually follow the plan, and stop being needy and desperate, your ex will be taken by surprise and will find herself getting attracted to you again. The reason you did all those things is because you were needy. And when your ex sees you as a confident and secure person, she will realize that you are no longer the person who did those things and will forgive you.
Everything you did, you did because you were hurt. A lot of couples say and do things to hurt each other. It's not exactly healthy behavior but it's very common. Heck, a lot of time a person will cheat on their spouse and they will still get back together and work things out. What you did was bad, no doubt, but as time passes, she will most probably start missing you and she will forgive you for what you did. Of course, there is also a chance that you will not get back together. Like I mention in the article, there is no guarantee. But you do have a chance if you follow the advice in the article. Give her time and space, then send her the apology letter. And then leave her alone again.
If you actually follow the plan, and stop being needy and desperate, your ex will be taken by surprise and will find herself getting attracted to you again. The reason you did all those things is because you were needy. And when your ex sees you as a confident and secure person, she will realize that you are no longer the person who did those things and will forgive you.
Thanks, you still think there is chance even tho I outed her to one of her friends (friend has not mentioned anything by the way) and the threats of her getting police on me?
Yes, I do think there's a chance.
Yes, I do think there's a chance.
Yes, I do think there's a chance.
Yes, I do think there's a chance.
Yes, I do think there's a chance.
Yes, I do think there's a chance.
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
.
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
Give her space for 45 days. Contact her. If it still seems like she is upset, then give her another 45 days. Almost every one who breaks up with their partners tells them they can never get back together. But a lot of them still get back together. So, you do still have a chance. Stop worrying so much about it.
Give her space for 45 days. Contact her. If it still seems like she is upset, then give her another 45 days. Almost every one who breaks up with their partners tells them they can never get back together. But a lot of them still get back together. So, you do still have a chance. Stop worrying so much about it.
Give her space for 45 days. Contact her. If it still seems like she is upset, then give her another 45 days. Almost every one who breaks up with their partners tells them they can never get back together. But a lot of them still get back together. So, you do still have a chance. Stop worrying so much about it.
Give her space for 45 days. Contact her. If it still seems like she is upset, then give her another 45 days. Almost every one who breaks up with their partners tells them they can never get back together. But a lot of them still get back together. So, you do still have a chance. Stop worrying so much about it.
Give her space for 45 days. Contact her. If it still seems like she is upset, then give her another 45 days. Almost every one who breaks up with their partners tells them they can never get back together. But a lot of them still get back together. So, you do still have a chance. Stop worrying so much about it.
Give her space for 45 days. Contact her. If it still seems like she is upset, then give her another 45 days. Almost every one who breaks up with their partners tells them they can never get back together. But a lot of them still get back together. So, you do still have a chance. Stop worrying so much about it.
Thank
she has said tho as I been abusive, threatsme messaging one of her friends outing her, she said she can.never forgive me or get back.with me ever. do u think she means that? Is the letter thin still best way?
Yes, the letter thing is still the best way. I don't think she means that.
Yes, the letter thing is still the best way. I don't think she means that.
Yes, the letter thing is still the best way. I don't think she means that.
Yes, the letter thing is still the best way. I don't think she means that.
Yes, the letter thing is still the best way. I don't think she means that.
Yes, the letter thing is still the best way. I don't think she means that.
Or, she might be thinking that what you did was out of desperation and because you were hurt and she might be forgiving you. When you contact her after no contact, and you show her the "new you", she will be surprised and will be instantly attracted to you, even if she has moved on by that time (the chances of which happening are very less in my experience).
Really, may I ask why you still think there is a chance? After I outed her (which was her worst worst fear) and she said she was going to get police on me, why do you feel there is a chance?
Thanks, you still think there is chance even tho I outed her to one of her friends (friend has not mentioned anything by the way) and the threats of her getting police on me?
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
.
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
Thank
she has said tho as I been abusive, threatsme messaging one of her friends outing her, she said she can.never forgive me or get back.with me ever. do u think she means that? Is the letter thin still best way?
Or, she might be thinking that what you did was out of desperation and because you were hurt and she might be forgiving you. When you contact her after no contact, and you show her the "new you", she will be surprised and will be instantly attracted to you, even if she has moved on by that time (the chances of which happening are very less in my experience).
Really, may I ask why you still think there is a chance? After I outed her (which was her worst worst fear) and she said she was going to get police on me, why do you feel there is a chance?
Thanks, you still think there is chance even tho I outed her to one of her friends (friend has not mentioned anything by the way) and the threats of her getting police on me?
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
.
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
Thank
she has said tho as I been abusive, threatsme messaging one of her friends outing her, she said she can.never forgive me or get back.with me ever. do u think she means that? Is the letter thin still best way?
Or, she might be thinking that what you did was out of desperation and because you were hurt and she might be forgiving you. When you contact her after no contact, and you show her the "new you", she will be surprised and will be instantly attracted to you, even if she has moved on by that time (the chances of which happening are very less in my experience).
Really, may I ask why you still think there is a chance? After I outed her (which was her worst worst fear) and she said she was going to get police on me, why do you feel there is a chance?
Thanks, you still think there is chance even tho I outed her to one of her friends (friend has not mentioned anything by the way) and the threats of her getting police on me?
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
.
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
Thank
she has said tho as I been abusive, threatsme messaging one of her friends outing her, she said she can.never forgive me or get back.with me ever. do u think she means that? Is the letter thin still best way?
Or, she might be thinking that what you did was out of desperation and because you were hurt and she might be forgiving you. When you contact her after no contact, and you show her the "new you", she will be surprised and will be instantly attracted to you, even if she has moved on by that time (the chances of which happening are very less in my experience).
Really, may I ask why you still think there is a chance? After I outed her (which was her worst worst fear) and she said she was going to get police on me, why do you feel there is a chance?
Thanks, you still think there is chance even tho I outed her to one of her friends (friend has not mentioned anything by the way) and the threats of her getting police on me?
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
.
Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
Thank
she has said tho as I been abusive, threatsme messaging one of her friends outing her, she said she can.never forgive me or get back.with me ever. do u think she means that? Is the letter thin still best way?
Or, she might be thinking that what you did was out of desperation and because you were hurt and she might be forgiving you. When you contact her after no contact, and you show her the "new you", she will be surprised and will be instantly attracted to you, even if she has moved on by that time (the chances of which happening are very less in my experience).
So do you think she could still change her mind. its only been 4 days of no contact. what if shes feeling happy and glad i have finally got the message? And she doesnt care and is miving on
There's a chance she will change her mind. She is probably feeling a little relieved that you are not bothering her anymore. And it's a good thing. Slowly, she will start missing you. I want you to try and stop obsessing about what she is thinking and concentrate on yourself. Read the section about no contact again in the article. And don't worry, I don't think she will move on.
There's a chance she will change her mind. She is probably feeling a little relieved that you are not bothering her anymore. And it's a good thing. Slowly, she will start missing you. I want you to try and stop obsessing about what she is thinking and concentrate on yourself. Read the section about no contact again in the article. And don't worry, I don't think she will move on.
There's a chance she will change her mind. She is probably feeling a little relieved that you are not bothering her anymore. And it's a good thing. Slowly, she will start missing you. I want you to try and stop obsessing about what she is thinking and concentrate on yourself. Read the section about no contact again in the article. And don't worry, I don't think she will move on.
There's a chance she will change her mind. She is probably feeling a little relieved that you are not bothering her anymore. And it's a good thing. Slowly, she will start missing you. I want you to try and stop obsessing about what she is thinking and concentrate on yourself. Read the section about no contact again in the article. And don't worry, I don't think she will move on.
There's a chance she will change her mind. She is probably feeling a little relieved that you are not bothering her anymore. And it's a good thing. Slowly, she will start missing you. I want you to try and stop obsessing about what she is thinking and concentrate on yourself. Read the section about no contact again in the article. And don't worry, I don't think she will move on.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again for getting back to me even tho I have sent you many messages.
I have tried to stop second gusessing what she is thinking, just feels like the more I leave it the more she can move on and forget me, I feel to much damage has been done for her to take me back, and she will be thinking about not taking me back with the space?
So do you think she could still change her mind. its only been 4 days of no contact. what if shes feeling happy and glad i have finally got the message? And she doesnt care and is miving on
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again for getting back to me even tho I have sent you many messages.
I have tried to stop second gusessing what she is thinking, just feels like the more I leave it the more she can move on and forget me, I feel to much damage has been done for her to take me back, and she will be thinking about not taking me back with the space?
So do you think she could still change her mind. its only been 4 days of no contact. what if shes feeling happy and glad i have finally got the message? And she doesnt care and is miving on
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again for getting back to me even tho I have sent you many messages.
I have tried to stop second gusessing what she is thinking, just feels like the more I leave it the more she can move on and forget me, I feel to much damage has been done for her to take me back, and she will be thinking about not taking me back with the space?
So do you think she could still change her mind. its only been 4 days of no contact. what if shes feeling happy and glad i have finally got the message? And she doesnt care and is miving on
I say that to everyone. Not because I think it's too late, but because I think you shouldn't waste your entire life trying to pursue an ex. You should try it just once and if it doesn't work, you should move on.
I say that to everyone. Not because I think it's too late, but because I think you shouldn't waste your entire life trying to pursue an ex. You should try it just once and if it doesn't work, you should move on.
Hey Kevin,
i sent her some flowers to say I'm sorry for everything. she sent me a text saying 'i was a bad idea sending me the flowers i told u I don't want to get back with u. After all the threats of outing me, wanting to kill yourself etc. she said even tho its hard i know i have made the right choice i do mot want to be with u. do u think she meant it now?
Hey Lou,
I know it's scary and all you can think about is whether or not you will get back together. But you have to trust me and take a step back. I think at the moment, she does think that breaking up was the right choice. And if you don't follow the plan, she will continue thinking like this. You have to trust me and follow the advise in the article. Read it again.
After all this she text and said i told my parents all the threats u been making and they said to ignore you cos your doing it for attention, she said she will never be friends with me again as she knows she has been in a abusive relationship and all she is getting is abuse from me now and she is glad shes out of it. i threat again of killing myself and went as far as showing her picture and text of pills and a rope to kill myself with. she never replied. i cant believe i went to that extreme now i gave blown it haven't i?
Hey Lou,
If you read your comment history and my replies to your comments, it seems like that you are trying to blow your chances of getting back with her. I always tell you that you haven't blown your chances and if you apply no contact, you still have a chance. You always do something worse and come back and ask me if you have blown it for good now. Just follow the plan. If you follow each step of the plan (make no contact at least 45 days) and still she doesn't want to come back to you, then yes you have blown your chances. Until then, I'd say you still have a small chance.
Hey Lou,
If you read your comment history and my replies to your comments, it seems like that you are trying to blow your chances of getting back with her. I always tell you that you haven't blown your chances and if you apply no contact, you still have a chance. You always do something worse and come back and ask me if you have blown it for good now. Just follow the plan. If you follow each step of the plan (make no contact at least 45 days) and still she doesn't want to come back to you, then yes you have blown your chances. Until then, I'd say you still have a small chance.
Hey Lou,
If you read your comment history and my replies to your comments, it seems like that you are trying to blow your chances of getting back with her. I always tell you that you haven't blown your chances and if you apply no contact, you still have a chance. You always do something worse and come back and ask me if you have blown it for good now. Just follow the plan. If you follow each step of the plan (make no contact at least 45 days) and still she doesn't want to come back to you, then yes you have blown your chances. Until then, I'd say you still have a small chance.
Hey Lou,
If you read your comment history and my replies to your comments, it seems like that you are trying to blow your chances of getting back with her. I always tell you that you haven't blown your chances and if you apply no contact, you still have a chance. You always do something worse and come back and ask me if you have blown it for good now. Just follow the plan. If you follow each step of the plan (make no contact at least 45 days) and still she doesn't want to come back to you, then yes you have blown your chances. Until then, I'd say you still have a small chance.
Hey Lou,
If you read your comment history and my replies to your comments, it seems like that you are trying to blow your chances of getting back with her. I always tell you that you haven't blown your chances and if you apply no contact, you still have a chance. You always do something worse and come back and ask me if you have blown it for good now. Just follow the plan. If you follow each step of the plan (make no contact at least 45 days) and still she doesn't want to come back to you, then yes you have blown your chances. Until then, I'd say you still have a small chance.
Ok thanks so u still think a chance if i back right off? Also she said she is keeping herself busy, moving on and i should do same.
Yes, I do think you have a chance. Don't concentrate too much on what she said. Concentrate on following the plan.
Yes, I do think you have a chance. Don't concentrate too much on what she said. Concentrate on following the plan.
Yes, I do think you have a chance. Don't concentrate too much on what she said. Concentrate on following the plan.
Yes, I do think you have a chance. Don't concentrate too much on what she said. Concentrate on following the plan.
Yes, I do think you have a chance. Don't concentrate too much on what she said. Concentrate on following the plan.
After all this she text and said i told my parents all the threats u been making and they said to ignore you cos your doing it for attention, she said she will never be friends with me again as she knows she has been in a abusive relationship and all she is getting is abuse from me now and she is glad shes out of it. i threat again of killing myself and went as far as showing her picture and text of pills and a rope to kill myself with. she never replied. i cant believe i went to that extreme now i gave blown it haven't i?
Ok thanks so u still think a chance if i back right off? Also she said she is keeping herself busy, moving on and i should do same.
After all this she text and said i told my parents all the threats u been making and they said to ignore you cos your doing it for attention, she said she will never be friends with me again as she knows she has been in a abusive relationship and all she is getting is abuse from me now and she is glad shes out of it. i threat again of killing myself and went as far as showing her picture and text of pills and a rope to kill myself with. she never replied. i cant believe i went to that extreme now i gave blown it haven't i?
Ok thanks so u still think a chance if i back right off? Also she said she is keeping herself busy, moving on and i should do same.
After all this she text and said i told my parents all the threats u been making and they said to ignore you cos your doing it for attention, she said she will never be friends with me again as she knows she has been in a abusive relationship and all she is getting is abuse from me now and she is glad shes out of it. i threat again of killing myself and went as far as showing her picture and text of pills and a rope to kill myself with. she never replied. i cant believe i went to that extreme now i gave blown it haven't i?
Ok thanks so u still think a chance if i back right off? Also she said she is keeping herself busy, moving on and i should do same.
Hey Lou,
I know it's scary and all you can think about is whether or not you will get back together. But you have to trust me and take a step back. I think at the moment, she does think that breaking up was the right choice. And if you don't follow the plan, she will continue thinking like this. You have to trust me and follow the advise in the article. Read it again.
Hey Lou,
I know it's scary and all you can think about is whether or not you will get back together. But you have to trust me and take a step back. I think at the moment, she does think that breaking up was the right choice. And if you don't follow the plan, she will continue thinking like this. You have to trust me and follow the advise in the article. Read it again.
Hey Kevin, thank you so much for getting back to me. The thing is she has now said she does not want to be friends as it wont work as friends, she said she no longer loves me, her feelings have now changed towards me and she will never want the relationship to work, as she has spent so much time and energy trying to make me change my issues. The way I left it was telling her I hate her and that she has hurt me so much and I will hurt her, do you think I have reuined it now from what I said above, cos I feel I have made things 10 x worse. x
Hey Lou,
Well, you did make it worse, but it's still salvageable. You need to learn to control your emotions and be calm around her. Unless you can do that, you have very little chance. Apply no contact for a month. I think it will help you regain your calmness.
Hey Kevin,
I am so sorry to annoy you. May I ask why 45 days no contact now and not 30 days? Also do you think I have ruined the chance if I do no contact? Should I move on?
45 days because you have kept on making the mistakes again and again till now. Like I mentioned in the article, the more you screw up, the longer no contact should be. I think you have a chance if you do no contact.
I think you should follow the plan once. If it doesn't work, then move on.
45 days because you have kept on making the mistakes again and again till now. Like I mentioned in the article, the more you screw up, the longer no contact should be. I think you have a chance if you do no contact.
I think you should follow the plan once. If it doesn't work, then move on.
45 days because you have kept on making the mistakes again and again till now. Like I mentioned in the article, the more you screw up, the longer no contact should be. I think you have a chance if you do no contact.
I think you should follow the plan once. If it doesn't work, then move on.
45 days because you have kept on making the mistakes again and again till now. Like I mentioned in the article, the more you screw up, the longer no contact should be. I think you have a chance if you do no contact.
I think you should follow the plan once. If it doesn't work, then move on.
45 days because you have kept on making the mistakes again and again till now. Like I mentioned in the article, the more you screw up, the longer no contact should be. I think you have a chance if you do no contact.
I think you should follow the plan once. If it doesn't work, then move on.
Thanks kevin. what if the no contact makes her think of all the bad more as in her weighing up the good and bad and she can only still think of the bad
She is going to start weighing the good and bad. But if your relationship had more good than bad, then she will start thinking about getting back together. If you give her space and time, she will be able to think rationally and she will not be thinking just about the bad.
On the other hand, if you try to contact her and try to make her think of the god things, it's only going to backfire because it will look needy and desperate and she will put her walls up again. A good way to remind her of the good things is using the text messages mentioned in the article. It's subtle and it doesn't make them put their defenses up. But make sure you finish no contact before using the texts.
She is going to start weighing the good and bad. But if your relationship had more good than bad, then she will start thinking about getting back together. If you give her space and time, she will be able to think rationally and she will not be thinking just about the bad.
On the other hand, if you try to contact her and try to make her think of the god things, it's only going to backfire because it will look needy and desperate and she will put her walls up again. A good way to remind her of the good things is using the text messages mentioned in the article. It's subtle and it doesn't make them put their defenses up. But make sure you finish no contact before using the texts.
She is going to start weighing the good and bad. But if your relationship had more good than bad, then she will start thinking about getting back together. If you give her space and time, she will be able to think rationally and she will not be thinking just about the bad.
On the other hand, if you try to contact her and try to make her think of the god things, it's only going to backfire because it will look needy and desperate and she will put her walls up again. A good way to remind her of the good things is using the text messages mentioned in the article. It's subtle and it doesn't make them put their defenses up. But make sure you finish no contact before using the texts.
She is going to start weighing the good and bad. But if your relationship had more good than bad, then she will start thinking about getting back together. If you give her space and time, she will be able to think rationally and she will not be thinking just about the bad.
On the other hand, if you try to contact her and try to make her think of the god things, it's only going to backfire because it will look needy and desperate and she will put her walls up again. A good way to remind her of the good things is using the text messages mentioned in the article. It's subtle and it doesn't make them put their defenses up. But make sure you finish no contact before using the texts.
She is going to start weighing the good and bad. But if your relationship had more good than bad, then she will start thinking about getting back together. If you give her space and time, she will be able to think rationally and she will not be thinking just about the bad.
On the other hand, if you try to contact her and try to make her think of the god things, it's only going to backfire because it will look needy and desperate and she will put her walls up again. A good way to remind her of the good things is using the text messages mentioned in the article. It's subtle and it doesn't make them put their defenses up. But make sure you finish no contact before using the texts.
Hey Kevin, she called me last night to tell me she will not be contacting me for a while, and we need time away from each other and maybe in a few weeks we can be friends. I told her I don't want to be friends and that I would like to try our relationship again. She said people can't change so quickly takes months even years, I then harrassed her with txts today and heard nothing, have I blown any chance now?
Hey Lou,
It's not a bad idea to be friends with her. You establish friendship and this way you get to communicate with her and attract her again. Like I mentioned before, you need to learn to not let your emotions take over you, if you want to win her back. You still have a chance, but you need to stop making these mistakes again and again.
Hey Lou,
It's not a bad idea to be friends with her. You establish friendship and this way you get to communicate with her and attract her again. Like I mentioned before, you need to learn to not let your emotions take over you, if you want to win her back. You still have a chance, but you need to stop making these mistakes again and again.
Hey Lou,
It's not a bad idea to be friends with her. You establish friendship and this way you get to communicate with her and attract her again. Like I mentioned before, you need to learn to not let your emotions take over you, if you want to win her back. You still have a chance, but you need to stop making these mistakes again and again.
Hey Lou,
It's not a bad idea to be friends with her. You establish friendship and this way you get to communicate with her and attract her again. Like I mentioned before, you need to learn to not let your emotions take over you, if you want to win her back. You still have a chance, but you need to stop making these mistakes again and again.
Hey Lou,
It's not a bad idea to be friends with her. You establish friendship and this way you get to communicate with her and attract her again. Like I mentioned before, you need to learn to not let your emotions take over you, if you want to win her back. You still have a chance, but you need to stop making these mistakes again and again.
Hey,
Thanks kindly again for getting back to me again, you are to kind!
I will apply NC now, do you think this will make a difference on her part to, to how she feels towards me? Also with the whole situation her not wanting to come out, her knowing that that problem makes me jealous and insurcure (which I am working on ) do you think after all this she still may come back to me? x
Yes, no contact will help her calm down as well and think things more clearly. All the negativity from the breakup will fade away and she will start to miss all the positive things about your relationship. As for the issue, it's hard to say. If after no contact, you can show her (notice I said show her, not tell her) that you aren't jealous and insecure anymore, she will probably want to get back together. But like I said in the article, don't talk about getting back together instantly. Have some fun conversations with her. Build attraction etc.
Yes, no contact will help her calm down as well and think things more clearly. All the negativity from the breakup will fade away and she will start to miss all the positive things about your relationship. As for the issue, it's hard to say. If after no contact, you can show her (notice I said show her, not tell her) that you aren't jealous and insecure anymore, she will probably want to get back together. But like I said in the article, don't talk about getting back together instantly. Have some fun conversations with her. Build attraction etc.
Yes, no contact will help her calm down as well and think things more clearly. All the negativity from the breakup will fade away and she will start to miss all the positive things about your relationship. As for the issue, it's hard to say. If after no contact, you can show her (notice I said show her, not tell her) that you aren't jealous and insecure anymore, she will probably want to get back together. But like I said in the article, don't talk about getting back together instantly. Have some fun conversations with her. Build attraction etc.
Yes, no contact will help her calm down as well and think things more clearly. All the negativity from the breakup will fade away and she will start to miss all the positive things about your relationship. As for the issue, it's hard to say. If after no contact, you can show her (notice I said show her, not tell her) that you aren't jealous and insecure anymore, she will probably want to get back together. But like I said in the article, don't talk about getting back together instantly. Have some fun conversations with her. Build attraction etc.
Yes, no contact will help her calm down as well and think things more clearly. All the negativity from the breakup will fade away and she will start to miss all the positive things about your relationship. As for the issue, it's hard to say. If after no contact, you can show her (notice I said show her, not tell her) that you aren't jealous and insecure anymore, she will probably want to get back together. But like I said in the article, don't talk about getting back together instantly. Have some fun conversations with her. Build attraction etc.
Hey Kevin,
I am so sorry to annoy you. May I ask why 45 days no contact now and not 30 days? Also do you think I have ruined the chance if I do no contact? Should I move on?
Thanks kevin. what if the no contact makes her think of all the bad more as in her weighing up the good and bad and she can only still think of the bad
Hey Kevin, she called me last night to tell me she will not be contacting me for a while, and we need time away from each other and maybe in a few weeks we can be friends. I told her I don't want to be friends and that I would like to try our relationship again. She said people can't change so quickly takes months even years, I then harrassed her with txts today and heard nothing, have I blown any chance now?
Hey,
Thanks kindly again for getting back to me again, you are to kind!
I will apply NC now, do you think this will make a difference on her part to, to how she feels towards me? Also with the whole situation her not wanting to come out, her knowing that that problem makes me jealous and insurcure (which I am working on ) do you think after all this she still may come back to me? x
Hey Kevin,
I am so sorry to annoy you. May I ask why 45 days no contact now and not 30 days? Also do you think I have ruined the chance if I do no contact? Should I move on?
Thanks kevin. what if the no contact makes her think of all the bad more as in her weighing up the good and bad and she can only still think of the bad
Hey Kevin, she called me last night to tell me she will not be contacting me for a while, and we need time away from each other and maybe in a few weeks we can be friends. I told her I don't want to be friends and that I would like to try our relationship again. She said people can't change so quickly takes months even years, I then harrassed her with txts today and heard nothing, have I blown any chance now?
Hey,
Thanks kindly again for getting back to me again, you are to kind!
I will apply NC now, do you think this will make a difference on her part to, to how she feels towards me? Also with the whole situation her not wanting to come out, her knowing that that problem makes me jealous and insurcure (which I am working on ) do you think after all this she still may come back to me? x
Hey Kevin,
I am so sorry to annoy you. May I ask why 45 days no contact now and not 30 days? Also do you think I have ruined the chance if I do no contact? Should I move on?
Thanks kevin. what if the no contact makes her think of all the bad more as in her weighing up the good and bad and she can only still think of the bad
Hey Kevin, she called me last night to tell me she will not be contacting me for a while, and we need time away from each other and maybe in a few weeks we can be friends. I told her I don't want to be friends and that I would like to try our relationship again. She said people can't change so quickly takes months even years, I then harrassed her with txts today and heard nothing, have I blown any chance now?
Hey,
Thanks kindly again for getting back to me again, you are to kind!
I will apply NC now, do you think this will make a difference on her part to, to how she feels towards me? Also with the whole situation her not wanting to come out, her knowing that that problem makes me jealous and insurcure (which I am working on ) do you think after all this she still may come back to me? x
Hey Lou,
Well, you did make it worse, but it's still salvageable. You need to learn to control your emotions and be calm around her. Unless you can do that, you have very little chance. Apply no contact for a month. I think it will help you regain your calmness.
Hey Lou,
Well, you did make it worse, but it's still salvageable. You need to learn to control your emotions and be calm around her. Unless you can do that, you have very little chance. Apply no contact for a month. I think it will help you regain your calmness.
Thank you again, I will defo make no contact now for 45 days starting today!
Do you think now tho it's to late as you said only try the plan once and if it does not work move on x
Hey Kevin,
i sent her some flowers to say I'm sorry for everything. she sent me a text saying 'i was a bad idea sending me the flowers i told u I don't want to get back with u. After all the threats of outing me, wanting to kill yourself etc. she said even tho its hard i know i have made the right choice i do mot want to be with u. do u think she meant it now?
Hey Kevin, thank you so much for getting back to me. The thing is she has now said she does not want to be friends as it wont work as friends, she said she no longer loves me, her feelings have now changed towards me and she will never want the relationship to work, as she has spent so much time and energy trying to make me change my issues. The way I left it was telling her I hate her and that she has hurt me so much and I will hurt her, do you think I have reuined it now from what I said above, cos I feel I have made things 10 x worse. x
Question:How to apply no contact rule if he blocked me on fb?is not my choice anymore,its his,he blocked me,so me not contacting him or contacting him is in his power.Unlight me please:-)
No contact rule isn't just about power. It's also about soul searching, self-improvement and positive changes in your life. Do all the other stuff and don't worry about FB and everything else. No contact rule is more about you than it is about your ex.
so..no chance for him to contact me?i am not desperate anymore,just i need it more for my pride.:-)
so..no chance for him to contact me?i am not desperate anymore,just i need it more for my pride.:-)
so..no chance for him to contact me?i am not desperate anymore,just i need it more for my pride.:-)
No contact rule isn't just about power. It's also about soul searching, self-improvement and positive changes in your life. Do all the other stuff and don't worry about FB and everything else. No contact rule is more about you than it is about your ex.
look kevin i been dating this girl for 5 months she broke up with me and want to be friends and take slow again but she never text me or snap chats me anymore like i dont exist but still wears the necklace i bought her and kept all the stuff i ever got her like flowers people tell me to leave her alone and she'll eventually chase after me im even taking her to prom and to a concert and she said she probably wont be in a relationship till she graduates what do i do???
Follow the advise in the article.
Follow the advise in the article.
Hi Kevin,
Your website is very useful and your advice is greatly appreciated. My long distance girlfriend of one year told me she needed a break about 2 months ago (over text message). She said that it had nothing to do with me and that she might've jumped into a relationship too quickly. The long distance has been stressful but we never once fought or argued about anything. I even stayed with her and her family over the holiday break (2 weeks) and nothing was out of the ordinary. We talked about having kids and getting married and living together. She blindsided me with her request of a break for some time and space. I told her that I would support her and that her happiness is important to me. I want her to be happy with herself and her life. About two weeks after her request for a break, I got weak and texted her that I missed her. Then I called a few times but she never answered. The next morning she texted me and her tone in the text message was so different. She said that she still needed time and space. Then over valentines weekend I texted her and tried to call her but she never answered. I even sent her a card and letter expressing how much I love her and miss her. She did text me and asked me not to contact her anymore and to stop reaching out to her. She said her feelings are not the same as mine and that we are not in a relationship. And that she is enjoying being single, independent and on her own. I was disappointed, upset and hurt that she can only communicate via text message and how mean she was being towards me. I'm confused that she wanted a break for time and space because a long distance relationship gives us lots of time and space. I haven't heard from her since valentines weekend and I decided that I will not contact her until April. My bday is coming up in a few days and I hope she contacts me then and if she doesn't I will be very hurt. Also in her text messages she keeps saying that ‘everything happens for a reason’ and ‘if it’s meant to be then it will work out’ and ‘stop forcing it.’ I’m confused with these statements because if we don’t communicate (esp. in a long distance relationship) how will it ever work out? I’m willing to give her time and I’m willing to wait for her. I feel like everything that’s going on is under her terms and I just wish she could talk to me. When I do contact her? what should I say to her? Or should I not contact her unless she contacts me first? I’m trying to move on but she’s always on my mind. Thanks for your help.
Hey MT,
I think you should concentrate on moving on. Don't contact her unless she contacts you. Unless she is willing to communicate, you really can't do anything. And if you try to reach out to her, it's only going to make you look weak. If you want, you can keep no contact for a couple of month and then try contacting her after that, but TBH, I don't see much hope.
Hey MT,
I think you should concentrate on moving on. Don't contact her unless she contacts you. Unless she is willing to communicate, you really can't do anything. And if you try to reach out to her, it's only going to make you look weak. If you want, you can keep no contact for a couple of month and then try contacting her after that, but TBH, I don't see much hope.
After almost 2 months of NC I contacted him using your text suggestions. We have now been in contact (via text) on a daily basis for over 10 days. We joke a lot, talk about our good times, about what we do nowadays... Nothing major, just very friendly. He is indirectly complimenting me sometimes, hinting to do fun things together.. The thing is... I sometimes feel that he gets excited talking to me, even "turned on" when we talk about stuff. Then I think: "I am turning him on and then he probably feels the urge to go see his gf". I feel that maybe I am pushing him to be more with her? They have been dating for almost 2 months. I feel that if he was really into her he wouldn't be talking to me like that but then in the last few days she posted a love song for him on FB + some other sweet things. That's why I get my doubts that maybe I am not doing everything right :D Like he is making her more happy lately... if that makes sense? It does hurt me when I see these things but I try to look at the bigger picture. He still hasn't introduced her to anyone and it's not him to be posting stuff for her/about her etc. Also, seems like they didn't do anything special for V-day, women's day etc like he did with me and we started dating around the same time of the year. By 2 months I was already "the one" and he would show me that in every way. I try to be positive thinking about that :) Any suggestions on how to proceed? All your suggestions until now were very successfull :) Thank you so much for that!
Hey Sarah,
I'll say continue doing what you've been doing. At least for a month or two. Try meeting up with him. But don't sleep with him while he is with his girlfriend. If he doesn't break up with his girlfriend even after that, you might have to eventually give him an ultimatum. But don't do it unless you are absolutely ready to cut him off from your life if he chooses the other girl.
Hey Sarah,
I'll say continue doing what you've been doing. At least for a month or two. Try meeting up with him. But don't sleep with him while he is with his girlfriend. If he doesn't break up with his girlfriend even after that, you might have to eventually give him an ultimatum. But don't do it unless you are absolutely ready to cut him off from your life if he chooses the other girl.
Hi, me and my girlfriend just broke up a week ago. We were together for more than a year. Initially she asked for a break up right before our 1st anniversary ( she comes back every time after saying she wants to break up. ) I then went to talk to a girl from our workplace for the intention of diverting my attention. Shortly after, me and my girlfriend got back together and things were rosy. She then checked on my Facebook messages and discovered that I texted this girl and intended to ask her out on Valentine's day which happened to be our 1st anni. We had a fight. She slapped me and I was so heartbroken as I never expect she will do that. I slapped her back and she followed it up with 2 more slaps.
She then packed all her stuffs from my place and left.
I'm actually having this grand plan to win her back this saturday when her sister told me she was hanging out with this other guy. I'm totally lost and confused now. I have sort my feelings and decided that I might have neglected her in terms of how she feel. I really love this guy. I've been on bare minimum contact with her now, just waiting for this saturday to come.
Can you advise me?
Heres some advice; NEVER HIT A WOMAN! You can do jail time for less things than that my friend. She is in the wrong for hitting you too and i think you just may need to let her go. You had no obligation to her when y'all broke up and had every right to ask that female out and she hits you for that?? Yea, forgive her and move on my friend. Better yourself and you will attract a better woman!
Hey Brayn,
I don't think you should meet her this Saturday. And my personal opinion is, you should not even get back together with her. She slapped you for something that was not really your fault. She broke up with you, you had all the right to ask that girl out. I think if you get back together, she might over react and hit you again over some issue and it will continue. Unless you are absolutely sure she won't do it again, you should move on.
Heres some advice; NEVER HIT A WOMAN! You can do jail time for less things than that my friend. She is in the wrong for hitting you too and i think you just may need to let her go. You had no obligation to her when y'all broke up and had every right to ask that female out and she hits you for that?? Yea, forgive her and move on my friend. Better yourself and you will attract a better woman!
Hey Brayn,
I don't think you should meet her this Saturday. And my personal opinion is, you should not even get back together with her. She slapped you for something that was not really your fault. She broke up with you, you had all the right to ask that girl out. I think if you get back together, she might over react and hit you again over some issue and it will continue. Unless you are absolutely sure she won't do it again, you should move on.
My girlfriend and I were in a relationship for 2.5 years. She was the most amazing person imaginable, I was so deeply in love with her that I treated her like a queen always. On Feb. 16 of this year, she broke up with me after a very cold week before. I tried to ask what the issue was beforehand but she couldn't tell me for some reason. Then on that Sunday she broke it off citing distance between us, and that I would abandon her. She mentioned that we need to see other people, but did say, maybe if it was meant to be, we will see each other again. Since then though, I noticed she's been with a new guy, I saw this about a week ago, and during classes, I'm always seeing them together and she has been extremely cold to me. I say hello with a big smile just to be nice but I see her eyes of hatred on me. I didn't do anything extreme in our relationship (cheating), but I don't see why she is cold to me. I still love this girl, I do and have been in NC for 2 weeks. How do I approach the NC and this new guy she's with. At this point, I've realized my mistakes, put myself to fix those mistakes, and came to realize that I don't need her, but I want her really badly! Thanks in advance Kevin!
Hey Hector,
I think the reason she told you for breaking up wasn't really truthful. I think she just lost attraction to you and she started feeling attracted to the other guy. It happens in a relationship. I think you can still get her back. Just follow the advise in the 5 step plan.
Hey Hector,
I think the reason she told you for breaking up wasn't really truthful. I think she just lost attraction to you and she started feeling attracted to the other guy. It happens in a relationship. I think you can still get her back. Just follow the advise in the 5 step plan.
Kevin
My girlfriend of 3 year recently let me because I cheated on her with one of my co workers for two months she found out by the coworker her self she told her everything I had just moved in with her at the time and she kicked me out not caring where I would be sleeping for the night she told me she hated me and never ever wanted to see my face ever again all those things hurt me and now I been heart broken and on the floor trying to get back up. I have been following the first couple of steps and they have been helping here and their but I recently just found out that she is talking to her high school crush and went over his house my heart has just sunk to the ground idk what to think of that and idk what to do I haven't had any contact with her but I did have some contact with her family I wanna get her back so bad but as of right now she wishes I was in hell. What do you suggest I do???
Give her time to deal with her anger. I know it sucks that she is talking to the guy, but there is nothing you can do about it. I wish there was, but if you try to do anything, you will only push her further away. You will need to show some serious changes to make her trust you again. I hope things work out for you.
Give her time to deal with her anger. I know it sucks that she is talking to the guy, but there is nothing you can do about it. I wish there was, but if you try to do anything, you will only push her further away. You will need to show some serious changes to make her trust you again. I hope things work out for you.
hi kevin,
i loved a girl. we were in a relationship for 2years. and then one fine day, she suddenly came up saying that she dint feel anything for me. it looked like she loved me. we spent time together watching movies, late night chats, going out etc. but now it seems all this time she had feelings for a classmate of hers. seems she was under pressure from her family to be in a relationship with me coz i do have a bright future and we do have mutual relatives. It has already been 2months since i last texted her. today i sent her a message on facebook which she hasnt replied to yet. my mind says i dont want her but my heart still does.. wat to do?
Hey Ankur,
Listen to your mind. I think you should try to move on and find someone who will actually appreciate you and love you.
Hey Ankur,
Listen to your mind. I think you should try to move on and find someone who will actually appreciate you and love you.
Hi
Tried to access Part 5 but every time I submit details it states 'already subscribed.'
Any assistance you can give me?
Thanks
It seems you have already subscribed. For some reason you didn't receive the emails. I deleted you right now and you should be able to subscribe again. This time, when you get the verification email, make sure you add my email address to your address book so you don't miss any of the emails.
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Hi Kevin,
My ex-bf of 15 months broke up with me on valentine's, saying he no longer has "that feeling". Might I add that two days prior, he bought us tickets to the movies for our valentinesday date??
I think the real reason for the breakup was my demanding of him (repeatedly. 3-4 times a week.) to get treated for an STD he's had for the last 3 months (no cheating, just the virus kicking back in). He always refused to do it, saying he was too scared even though the medication already was in his freakin bathroom for weeks.
So, he left on valentine's, I haven't heard from him since. I am on day 26 of no contact. I would dearly love him back/in my life. However, I don't know if psychological warfare (no contact) works correctly with him, because is has pdd nos, a form of autism.
This means that any and everything to do with social etiquette, emotions, feelings and communication (and the combination of the above) is difficult and not adequately dealt with. Hence, he will always 'choose' the easy way out, head-in-the-sand kinda way.
He has repeatedly blocked - and then unblocked me again on facebook the last couple of weeks, and deleted all my friends one at a time. Mutual friends told me yesterday that he has been drinking his head off non-stop the last couple of weeks.
I am his first love/gf (he's 21, i'm 25. I had long relationships in the past) so i am trying to convince myself this last year must have meant something to him, especially because of the autism etc. But because of the agressive silent treatment and the hurtful facebook actions (he was the dumper, and i haven't made a sound since he left, so why do that??) I am losing my faith.
question: is the blocking-unblocking-rinse repeat, and the heavy drinking a sign that he is hurt by the breakup, and maybe secretly does love me?
Do you think I should break no contact (for I think he'd never dare)?
Hey,
Yes, it's a sign that he still loves you and is having a hard time dealing with the breakup. Yes, you should break no contact after 30 days.
Hey,
Yes, it's a sign that he still loves you and is having a hard time dealing with the breakup. Yes, you should break no contact after 30 days.
Me and my ex dated 1 year and I broke up with him saying I don't love him...right after the breakup I realized that I do but First I thought it was the missing that kept me thinking that...it has been 2 months and I decided to win him back, we met and he kissed me and told me that he still loves me but he doesn't want to get hurt again.. The next time we texted he said it was a mistake kissing me and that he thought about it and realized he doesn't love me anymore he has a new girlfriend now and I'm miserable. I wrote him all the desperate things on your list yesterday and he said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore... Do you think it's serious with this girl and do I even have a chance to win him back? What should I do?
Hey Marie,
There's a chance his new relationship is a rebound. I think there's a chance and it's worth giving one more shot.
Hey Marie,
There's a chance his new relationship is a rebound. I think there's a chance and it's worth giving one more shot.
Hey Kevin,
So my situation is that I dated my ex girlfriend for about 2 yrs or so. We honestly had a good relationship until the last 6 months. The main problem was that I started becoming an asshole to her and lost respect. She was very but very clingy and I was very focused in school and work. Sometimes I just needed time to myself and she wouldn't respect that because she would always call me even when I told her not too. We broke up in September and she found a new older guy who is 25 and im 21 so is she. They went from 0-60 real quick and started going out a month later. She says this guy is very nice and respects her and the guy promised he would never do anything to hurt her. Now the guy is doing everything I didn't do, which is compliment her all the time and make her feel wanted. The bad things about this guy is that he is 25 and doesn't offer her a future, but she is blind to that because all she wants to feel right now is being loved and wanted. I should've been smarter and more mature about the whole relationship from the start. I didn't notice how much of a good girl I lost until I really lost her for good. I begged back to her many times but nothing worked. Recently she saw a picture of me with another girl who is much more beautiful and she got jealous. Before when I was begging for her return right in November she would say she's happy and she has moved on. Now recently we had a phone conversation and I called her out on that I know she isn't happy so why are we doing this..being with other people when we love each other. She responded that she can't act like shes happy all the time and that she is just so stressed out and lost right now that she doesn't know what to do. I would honestly give this the world if she came back because she was doing it when we were in the relationship before. Should I keep on keeping slight contact with her? Like text her or call her once in a while just to see how she is doing? She thinks im with someone else but im really not, I just cant because its not fair to the new person I may be dating. Last text she wrote me and I haven't responded too now for a week is " Sorry I didn't reply. I had a long day..but I wish I could tell you the things I don't even know myself( If that makes any sense) But a part of me still really cares for you and loves you but like I have said idk right now...Hope you have a good night."
What should I do...I really love her and notice how good of a girl she was. But I'm really at the point that I feel like quitting and moving on because she says "IDK" all the time but she is still with that guy.
OK, start no contact for two weeks. Make a few positive changes in your life. Get back in touch with her. Try to avoid any serious conversations with her. Have fun conversations with her. Try to meet up. Have fun when you meet up. Continue chatting and meeting up for a while. Then ask her if she wants to get back together. If she still says IDK, give her an ultimatum. Either break up with the guy and get back together, or you cut her off from your life and move on. Before giving the ultimatum, make sure you are ready to actually go through it because there is a chance that she will choose the other guy.
Kevin,
See now thats the hard part, her texts are real short and she deosnt want to see me because shes afraid of catching feelings again. Thats the whole reason she doesn't want to see me becuase she is afraid of being hurt by me. How can I break this wall?
Start no contact again. Give her time to forget all the negativity. Make it around 20-30 days.
Kevin,
Yeah I know its going to hurt a lot but I can deal with the fact that she has been dragging the IDK excuse for some months now. So I think I would've been over her if she wasn't keeping in contact or giving me hopes. I'm actually going to try to meet with her next week and give her the question and make her make a decision. The guy is a complete loser with no future so she will learn in the end.
Thanks!
Kevin,
Now youre saying if she deosnt want to meet up then give her another 20-30 days? IDK in my opinion I think a girl that loves you and is unhappy and still thinks about you while she is with her rebound is wrong. Should I do a NC period of two weeks from her last text she sent me about not knowing what to do at that moment and then finally try to meet up and give her the ultimatum? I've been trying since November and honestly I'm beat....I cant't be happy with someone else unless shes out the picture or we reunite. So I'm to a point where I know she may be confused but why is she still with him? I feel like im her security blanket and honestly im tired of waiting for her to not be confused. Should I follow my plan? Is this a good plan?
Yes, it's a good plan. However, be prepared to follow through with your ultimatum if she chooses the other guy. If she does, it's going to hurt a lot. Be prepared for that.
Yes, it's a good plan. However, be prepared to follow through with your ultimatum if she chooses the other guy. If she does, it's going to hurt a lot. Be prepared for that.
Yes, it's a good plan. However, be prepared to follow through with your ultimatum if she chooses the other guy. If she does, it's going to hurt a lot. Be prepared for that.
Yes, it's a good plan. However, be prepared to follow through with your ultimatum if she chooses the other guy. If she does, it's going to hurt a lot. Be prepared for that.
Yes, it's a good plan. However, be prepared to follow through with your ultimatum if she chooses the other guy. If she does, it's going to hurt a lot. Be prepared for that.
Yes, it's a good plan. However, be prepared to follow through with your ultimatum if she chooses the other guy. If she does, it's going to hurt a lot. Be prepared for that.
Kevin,
Yeah I know its going to hurt a lot but I can deal with the fact that she has been dragging the IDK excuse for some months now. So I think I would've been over her if she wasn't keeping in contact or giving me hopes. I'm actually going to try to meet with her next week and give her the question and make her make a decision. The guy is a complete loser with no future so she will learn in the end.
Thanks!
Kevin,
Now youre saying if she deosnt want to meet up then give her another 20-30 days? IDK in my opinion I think a girl that loves you and is unhappy and still thinks about you while she is with her rebound is wrong. Should I do a NC period of two weeks from her last text she sent me about not knowing what to do at that moment and then finally try to meet up and give her the ultimatum? I've been trying since November and honestly I'm beat....I cant't be happy with someone else unless shes out the picture or we reunite. So I'm to a point where I know she may be confused but why is she still with him? I feel like im her security blanket and honestly im tired of waiting for her to not be confused. Should I follow my plan? Is this a good plan?
Kevin,
Yeah I know its going to hurt a lot but I can deal with the fact that she has been dragging the IDK excuse for some months now. So I think I would've been over her if she wasn't keeping in contact or giving me hopes. I'm actually going to try to meet with her next week and give her the question and make her make a decision. The guy is a complete loser with no future so she will learn in the end.
Thanks!
Kevin,
Now youre saying if she deosnt want to meet up then give her another 20-30 days? IDK in my opinion I think a girl that loves you and is unhappy and still thinks about you while she is with her rebound is wrong. Should I do a NC period of two weeks from her last text she sent me about not knowing what to do at that moment and then finally try to meet up and give her the ultimatum? I've been trying since November and honestly I'm beat....I cant't be happy with someone else unless shes out the picture or we reunite. So I'm to a point where I know she may be confused but why is she still with him? I feel like im her security blanket and honestly im tired of waiting for her to not be confused. Should I follow my plan? Is this a good plan?
Kevin,
Yeah I know its going to hurt a lot but I can deal with the fact that she has been dragging the IDK excuse for some months now. So I think I would've been over her if she wasn't keeping in contact or giving me hopes. I'm actually going to try to meet with her next week and give her the question and make her make a decision. The guy is a complete loser with no future so she will learn in the end.
Thanks!
Kevin,
Now youre saying if she deosnt want to meet up then give her another 20-30 days? IDK in my opinion I think a girl that loves you and is unhappy and still thinks about you while she is with her rebound is wrong. Should I do a NC period of two weeks from her last text she sent me about not knowing what to do at that moment and then finally try to meet up and give her the ultimatum? I've been trying since November and honestly I'm beat....I cant't be happy with someone else unless shes out the picture or we reunite. So I'm to a point where I know she may be confused but why is she still with him? I feel like im her security blanket and honestly im tired of waiting for her to not be confused. Should I follow my plan? Is this a good plan?
Kevin,
Yeah I know its going to hurt a lot but I can deal with the fact that she has been dragging the IDK excuse for some months now. So I think I would've been over her if she wasn't keeping in contact or giving me hopes. I'm actually going to try to meet with her next week and give her the question and make her make a decision. The guy is a complete loser with no future so she will learn in the end.
Thanks!
Kevin,
Now youre saying if she deosnt want to meet up then give her another 20-30 days? IDK in my opinion I think a girl that loves you and is unhappy and still thinks about you while she is with her rebound is wrong. Should I do a NC period of two weeks from her last text she sent me about not knowing what to do at that moment and then finally try to meet up and give her the ultimatum? I've been trying since November and honestly I'm beat....I cant't be happy with someone else unless shes out the picture or we reunite. So I'm to a point where I know she may be confused but why is she still with him? I feel like im her security blanket and honestly im tired of waiting for her to not be confused. Should I follow my plan? Is this a good plan?
Start no contact again. Give her time to forget all the negativity. Make it around 20-30 days.
Start no contact again. Give her time to forget all the negativity. Make it around 20-30 days.
Start no contact again. Give her time to forget all the negativity. Make it around 20-30 days.
Kevin,
See now thats the hard part, her texts are real short and she deosnt want to see me because shes afraid of catching feelings again. Thats the whole reason she doesn't want to see me becuase she is afraid of being hurt by me. How can I break this wall?
Kevin,
See now thats the hard part, her texts are real short and she deosnt want to see me because shes afraid of catching feelings again. Thats the whole reason she doesn't want to see me becuase she is afraid of being hurt by me. How can I break this wall?
OK, start no contact for two weeks. Make a few positive changes in your life. Get back in touch with her. Try to avoid any serious conversations with her. Have fun conversations with her. Try to meet up. Have fun when you meet up. Continue chatting and meeting up for a while. Then ask her if she wants to get back together. If she still says IDK, give her an ultimatum. Either break up with the guy and get back together, or you cut her off from your life and move on. Before giving the ultimatum, make sure you are ready to actually go through it because there is a chance that she will choose the other guy.
My boyfriend of 6.5 years just broke up with me before the birth of our son. The reason for the breakup was doubt/suspicion of cheating, poor communication, and arguing. I've offered to show my fb account, email, phone records, texts, even take a polygraph to prove Ive been 100% faithful. Im devastated by his decision and love him so. We are moving into separate homes soon but are living together until our house sells. Hes even offered to pay rent on a new place for me while our place os still on the market just to move things along. He has been talking with a friend he's had since childhood who is going through a divorce and I feel they have become emotionally connected on more than a friends basis. They both have even said they never considered eachother romantically until now that everyone is accusing them of having something more, they get along and understand eachother so well and he's so moved on from me already I'm afraid I've lost him. This wouldn't be a rebound if they decide to take it to a more than friends level and so is there anything I can do to bring him back?-with a newborn the nc rule is hard to follow & Ive already made some of the mistakes listed above :( Why is he able to be so moved on after 6 years and a beautiful baby? Should I just grieve move on and maintain a relationship for our sons sake?
Hey Aimee,
I am sorry this happened. His reason for breaking up is obviously complete BS. He wants to use this lame excuse to hide the fact that he has already cheated on you emotionally. I think you should try to accept the fact that he is being inconsiderate, unfaithful and he will probably never come back to you. I hate to say it, but this is what I feel. I think you should concentrate on moving on. There is a chance that he will come back if his relationship doesn't work out. But it's slim and you shouldn't count on it.
Hey Aimee,
I am sorry this happened. His reason for breaking up is obviously complete BS. He wants to use this lame excuse to hide the fact that he has already cheated on you emotionally. I think you should try to accept the fact that he is being inconsiderate, unfaithful and he will probably never come back to you. I hate to say it, but this is what I feel. I think you should concentrate on moving on. There is a chance that he will come back if his relationship doesn't work out. But it's slim and you shouldn't count on it.
hey Kevin,
my Ex and I met our freshman year of high school, we became best friends instantly, and talked on and off until our junior year, we became even more close. We started dating May of our Junior year and everything was absolutely fantastic. A couple months down the line, I would get upset over silly little things and call him and make an attempt to repair things. The little arguments would build up over time, and eventually it was clear they were upsetting him. At the end of January of this year, he was done. He first tried to break up with me on my 18th birthday which was the 19th of January; then officially ended things on the 28th. He said he still wanted to be friends. Things were awful in school because I have 3 classes with him. When I regained my sanity in the middle of Febuary, I started to give myself space. (I was constantly "accidentally" bumping into him in the halls, texting him first and even chasing after him in the hallway). The end of Febuary he tells be he wants to be friends again, a couple days after that he curses me out for no good reason. I tell him I want space. It's been 11 days. I don't message him on any form of social media, but i do talk to him in school. is that a good idea? should i ignore him in person even though i have three classes with him? i've read almost all your articles but i'm still not sure what to do. He's a great guy, even though he has been a jerk and flirts with other girls in front of my face (I'm convinced he does this just to bother me). But I would really appreciate some advice, because I'm pretty lost on what to do.
P.S.- I don't mean to sound like a whiny teenage girl here, but I never believed in love until I met my Ex which is why the breakup really tore me up. please help, thank you so much!
He Victoria,
Yes, you should apply no contact. Don't ignore him completely when you see him in class. Just treat him like an acquaintance and try not to have any personal conversation with him.
He Victoria,
Yes, you should apply no contact. Don't ignore him completely when you see him in class. Just treat him like an acquaintance and try not to have any personal conversation with him.
Hi Kevin
I was with my ex for nearly six years. We are a same sex couple and we got engaged a year ago. I thought we had a great relationship...we wanted the same things, got on amazingly, never argued, had amazing holidays and fun times together. A month ago out of the blue she told me she needed some space as she didn't know if she was in love with me anymore. A few days later she came back and said she didn't and it was over and that she felt that we were best friends only and didn't want that kind of relationship. I have moved out of our flat, I don't feel that I have had a proper explanation or been involved in any decision making. The contact has been very limited and none for he past week at all. I am miserable, devastated and I want her back desperately. I think she has made a huge mistake. I don't know what to do...can she feel in love with me again and can I win her back?
Yes, there's a chance that you can win her back. Follow the advise in the article. It's worth giving a try.
Yes, there's a chance that you can win her back. Follow the advise in the article. It's worth giving a try.
Hi, I love this site and your advices, well I am confused with my situation right now, my long distance boyfriend told me that he doesnt love me anymore and when we talk no more feelings anymore and he started to talk to other girls on a dating site, I ask him if we are over, he told me that he is not committing to anyone right now and will come to see me in a few months when he got break from work if his feelings will change, I told him I will go my way and if he is sure About his feelinf I am willing to be with him if I am still available, he just said thank you, its been a week of no contact and he hasnt call or emailed me. Is there a chance that he still loves me and will be back to me or I move on and forget him.
Thanks kevin
I think you should do exactly what you told him. Yes, there's a chance, but you should not keep waiting around for him.
I think you should do exactly what you told him. Yes, there's a chance, but you should not keep waiting around for him.
Me and my ex officially broke up a year ago, but somehow couldn't keep away from each other. Every time we hooked up for coffee or lunch we ended up in bed together. It used to go like that for a year, but lately he met a girl.
And now he says, he's in love with both of us! Is it actually possible???!!! After I told him we couldn't see each other again, because it's not fair to the new girl - He actually started to cry! He said that he loves me more than anyone, he said that he'll do anything for me but is in love with her too.
Please!!! tell me what to do.
What do I do?
P.S; He actually told me about the new girl, that she fell hardly in love with him, and started to pursue him all the time, until he gave up, and went to a few dates with her, and now he fell in love with her personality.
Hey Annie,
Apply no contact. It's possible that he might move on with the girl and develop stronger feelings for him. But there is nothing else you can do at this point. NC is a risk, but it will give him time to miss you and think about what he wants in his life. And during NC, I want you to try to move on as well. Because there is a chance that he might not come back at all.
Hey Annie,
Apply no contact. It's possible that he might move on with the girl and develop stronger feelings for him. But there is nothing else you can do at this point. NC is a risk, but it will give him time to miss you and think about what he wants in his life. And during NC, I want you to try to move on as well. Because there is a chance that he might not come back at all.
Hey Kevin
So me and my girlfriend have bin together for about a year and she recently broke up with me because she doesn't feel the same way anymore, I was heartbroken and didn't know what to do so I just stopped talking to her and about 4 days after she made statuses on Facebook saying how "I've ruined everything" and so I caved and called her she told me she missed me and she still loved me and I was happy. But she also said she needs time about 2 months to think because she doesn't know what she wants and it's confusing the shit out of me I really love her and miss her and just want her back in my life but she's giving these huge mixed signals should I just try your 30 days thing and go cold turkey and see what happens then?
You can just tell her that you need some space and time as well.
You can just tell her that you need some space and time as well.
Hey Kevin
So my ex girlfriend who broke up with me deleted me off Facebook just after a week of me not contacting her and ignoring her texts, calls and Facebook messages yet she still has pictures of us together during our trips and best moments. Im wondering what I should do I think she's trying to get my attention should I continue no contact and ignore it?
You can either continue no contact or you can tell her that you need some space and time and you will contact her after that. Your decision. But I prefer the first one.
You can either continue no contact or you can tell her that you need some space and time and you will contact her after that. Your decision. But I prefer the first one.
Hey kevin, im really going to try out your plan because it seems like it will work, but i have a question about the no contact rule. I know my ex will text me within the next 30 days, but if i don't respond to it, won't that make me come off as an asshole and her not want to text me again?
Thanks
If you feel like this, you can just tell her before starting no contact that you have decided that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting her for a while and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you either.
If you feel like this, you can just tell her before starting no contact that you have decided that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting her for a while and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you either.
Hi kevin.
After 3 yrs my ex has ended the relationship. he said he is fed up of all the rowing, me being needy, jealous and insecure all of the time. he said he doesn't love me anymore but is happy to be friends nothing more. when we were together our relationship our connection, love etc was.very strong, we shared so much.
Continue no contact and work on yourself. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting him for a while. Work on your insecurity and other issues and then meet him after that. Since he has already agreed to be friends, it'll be easy to meet him.
Continue no contact and work on yourself. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting him for a while. Work on your insecurity and other issues and then meet him after that. Since he has already agreed to be friends, it'll be easy to meet him.
Hi Kevin ...
Lost my lover three months ago .Since then ,have never felt easy,even after moving on.It pains me bcoz she moved on first.When i realised this ,I made all the sacrifices to go where she is but it did not work.I have tried to apply no contact rule bt i dida mistake of receiving her call after one week.She told me that we are nt enemies and we should continue talking even out of relationship as a friend.What pains me is she is going too far with that guy ,even going to bed oftenly. what should i do ?
Hey Trevor,
I know it's painful but there is literally nothing you can do about her getting close to the other guy. I think you should just tell her that you need some time and space and you will contact her after a while.
Hey Trevor,
I know it's painful but there is literally nothing you can do about her getting close to the other guy. I think you should just tell her that you need some time and space and you will contact her after a while.
Hey kevin, i am going through a tough time, my ex recently moved to a different state and he does not believe in distance relationship, he thinks relationship at this age is not worth it, he told me once we are matured we can carry on but its hard for me to believe that because guys usually don't wait for a girl...i am not able to understand him....he is a nice guy who still cares but now he has got many friends and he is not like he used to be
Hey Priyanka,
Yes, usually guys don't wait for a girl. And IMO, you should not wait for him either. If it's meant to be, it will be. I suggest you start dating and continue with your life. There is a chance that you two might get back together, but it's thin. If you try to push him into getting back together right now, he will only pull away. Even if he does get back with you, he will eventually leave you again because in his mind, he will always feel like he doesn't want to commit right now.
Hey Priyanka,
Yes, usually guys don't wait for a girl. And IMO, you should not wait for him either. If it's meant to be, it will be. I suggest you start dating and continue with your life. There is a chance that you two might get back together, but it's thin. If you try to push him into getting back together right now, he will only pull away. Even if he does get back with you, he will eventually leave you again because in his mind, he will always feel like he doesn't want to commit right now.
Well, this is my case. My girlfriend broke up with me in the end of January, about more than a month ago. The mistake and fault was entirely mine. Even though we broke up, now and then i used to call her asking if we can be friends, and stuff like that. Somewhere in the end of February, she called me and said we can be friends. It felt good. Two days later, while we were talking again, I let out my love for her again. And she got pissed off. She said no use being friends either. She said she doesn't want to talk anymore. I said I won't disturb her again, and it has been two since we talked to each other.
Now, I have three questions.
- I talked to one relationship psychologist in my Facebook Friend list. He said that I shouldn't give more than a week gap before trying to talk to her. He said if I did so, my ex would start living without me and it would be tough to get back at a later point of time. But on the other hand, you stress upon the 30 day no contact rule. What should I do now?
- When we skyped the last time, around two weeks ago, she said she wants me to move on and that I would get a better girl than her. Now, what do these statements tell about her present state of mind? Does she not love me anymore? Has she really moved on? Or is she just testing me?
- She also feels our relationship didn't have much of logic. But on the other hand, she did give some mixed signals once. Like pinging me on her b'day, wearing my shirt which i had once given to her, telling that she misses me and all. She feels the relationship we had doesn't have logic, only emotions. So if she feels this way, is it possible to get her back? If yes, how?
Eagerly waiting for your reply.
Thanks :)
Hey Ravi,
1. It depends on the person and the relationship. In most cases that I've come across, 30 days is an appropriate amount of time for them to start missing you and for about the negativity of the breakup. It's an appropriate amount of time for them to lower their defenses so you can make a move.
2. Doesn't say much. Everyone asks their ex to move on. She is just trying to be nice. I can't say if she still loves you, but she definitely has feelings for you. And no, I don't think she has moved on.
3. Well, it depends on what she means by logic? Does she not see a future with you? Does she not see you getting married one day? If so, then you might have to address those issues. But don't do it directly as it will make her put her defenses up. Get in contact with her after no contact. Start building attraction. When you think the time is right, then ask her to get back together.
Thanks a lot :) And BTW, we were in a long distance relationship. We used to meet whenever she used to come down to my city (her relations stay here). Does the 30 day no contact rule work with long distance relationships too?
Yes, it does work with long distance relationships. Although, like I said in the beginning of the article, there are no guarantees.
Hello Kevin, you have been of great help to me, and I am much grateful for that. I again need your help. I have a few questions.
On the 5th of May, I pinged her on Whatsapp. She was very cold and said that she din't want to talk anymore. She said she won't reply to me if at all I initiate another conversation. I said take care and left. I remained completely invisible to her. No activity on Facebook (She is in my friend's list) or Whatsapp.
2nd June was my birthday. She din't wish me. I still stayed invisible. Didn't even reply to the wishes of other people who had posted on my Facebook wall. On the 6th of June, she sent me a message, which is :
'I have to ask you a question. Let me know if you can answer.
And. belated bday wishes.
This question is something related to me, and nothing more. Can even call it selfish. So, if you dont want to reply, it is absolutely fine.'
I took a week to reply to her. I thanked her for the wishes and asked her to carry on with her question. I too remained normal and plain in my replies. No smileys or exclamatory marks.
The very next day after my reply, she sends a message back, saying :
'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?'
Its been two days since she sent that message, and I haven't yet replied to her. I am planning to reply to her tonight.
Now for the questions :
1. She was so cold and ignorant just a month ago. Why then did she ping me now? She was hell bent on staying away from me, or rather, wanting me to stay away from her. She didn't want to be friends. She didn't want any kind of contact. Why did she then send me this message?
2. What could be going on in her mind right now? Is she missing me? Just a month ago she said she has completely moved on. Then would it be possible that she is missing me now?
3. Should I point out what she had said a month ago, that she herself had wanted to cut off everything, and now she herself again has contacted me? Should I ask her either to stay with me, or away from me, and not to keep coming and going like this? Should I ask her to have the discipline to refrain from contacting me, just like she had expected me to do? Should I be as cold as she had been?
Or should I reply normally without taking up the past? Should I be just friendly and normal without mentioning what she had said in the past?
4. Once I reply to her question tonight, what should be my next move? Should I just stay away from her, as I had been for the past one month? Or should I try to initiate conversation with her once every few days, and try to get back those old sparks?
5. Do you think she is now in a relationship with someone else? Or do you think she is planning to be in one with someone else? Or is she just single and is missing me?
6. Her question, 'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?', what do you think that really means? Does it have anything to do with her present state of mind?
Looking forward to hear from you
Thanks Kevin
Wait for another two weeks? (I have already waited for two weeks) Okay, so which means there would be another one month gap between us. Would that be okay? Would she get used to my absence and feel even more cold and indifferent when I talk to her after two more weeks?
Hey Ravi,
I think it'll be OK and it is necessary. She is cold, and if you keep on contacting her, you will look needy. I think she is already used to your absence. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessary make her indifferent. The important point is that whenever she is in contact with you, it's a positive interaction and she has a fun time.
Hey Ravi,
I think it'll be OK and it is necessary. She is cold, and if you keep on contacting her, you will look needy. I think she is already used to your absence. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessary make her indifferent. The important point is that whenever she is in contact with you, it's a positive interaction and she has a fun time.
Hey Ravi,
I think it'll be OK and it is necessary. She is cold, and if you keep on contacting her, you will look needy. I think she is already used to your absence. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessary make her indifferent. The important point is that whenever she is in contact with you, it's a positive interaction and she has a fun time.
Hey Ravi,
I think it'll be OK and it is necessary. She is cold, and if you keep on contacting her, you will look needy. I think she is already used to your absence. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessary make her indifferent. The important point is that whenever she is in contact with you, it's a positive interaction and she has a fun time.
Hey Ravi,
I think it'll be OK and it is necessary. She is cold, and if you keep on contacting her, you will look needy. I think she is already used to your absence. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessary make her indifferent. The important point is that whenever she is in contact with you, it's a positive interaction and she has a fun time.
Hey Ravi,
I think it'll be OK and it is necessary. She is cold, and if you keep on contacting her, you will look needy. I think she is already used to your absence. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't necessary make her indifferent. The important point is that whenever she is in contact with you, it's a positive interaction and she has a fun time.
After a week since I sent her the magic letter, I sent her a 'Goodnight' text one fine night. She didn't reply. The next day afternoon I sent her a text asking if we could be friends. Sometime later she replied, and we had a small convo. She was extremely rigid and spoke very formally. It hurt. She said 'long distance friendships' need efforts which she is not okay putting in right now, and that she would let me know when she is okay being friends.
Today its been more than a week already since we last spoke. And I haven't contacted her yet. What should I do now? What should be my next step?
P.S : She sounded very positive and friendly after reading the magic letter that she herself called me and talked.
Hey Ravi,
She is being a little cold. I'll recommend you back off for a while and don't push the friendship. I'll recommend wait another two weeks. Instead of asking her to be friends, just act like you are already friends. Use the texts in relationship rewind to start a conversation with her.
Hey Ravi,
She is being a little cold. I'll recommend you back off for a while and don't push the friendship. I'll recommend wait another two weeks. Instead of asking her to be friends, just act like you are already friends. Use the texts in relationship rewind to start a conversation with her.
Hey Ravi,
She is being a little cold. I'll recommend you back off for a while and don't push the friendship. I'll recommend wait another two weeks. Instead of asking her to be friends, just act like you are already friends. Use the texts in relationship rewind to start a conversation with her.
Hey Ravi,
She is being a little cold. I'll recommend you back off for a while and don't push the friendship. I'll recommend wait another two weeks. Instead of asking her to be friends, just act like you are already friends. Use the texts in relationship rewind to start a conversation with her.
Hey Ravi,
She is being a little cold. I'll recommend you back off for a while and don't push the friendship. I'll recommend wait another two weeks. Instead of asking her to be friends, just act like you are already friends. Use the texts in relationship rewind to start a conversation with her.
Hey Ravi,
She is being a little cold. I'll recommend you back off for a while and don't push the friendship. I'll recommend wait another two weeks. Instead of asking her to be friends, just act like you are already friends. Use the texts in relationship rewind to start a conversation with her.
And yes, it has been one week since her last call (after reading the magic letter). Is that too long a time before I could initiate any further talks?
You should get back in touch, using texts on this page or the ones in relationship rewind.
You should get back in touch, using texts on this page or the ones in relationship rewind.
You should get back in touch, using texts on this page or the ones in relationship rewind.
You should get back in touch, using texts on this page or the ones in relationship rewind.
You should get back in touch, using texts on this page or the ones in relationship rewind.
You should get back in touch, using texts on this page or the ones in relationship rewind.
I sent her the magic letter (as a message on Facebook). I thought she would just see the message and leave (and not reply), but she called me. She sounded very positive and friendly. Seemed she was curious about the great things happening in my life. I told her what all great was happening; she said she was happy for me.
She asked me what was the 'we need some space' thing I had mentioned in the letter; and she said there is nothing like that from her side as she has completely got off from the relationship mindset. She doesn't have that relationship mindset anymore. Through the call, it felt as if she is happy that I have accepted the break up. She asked me if I don't have any feelings for her anymore; I somehow diverted that topic and spoke something else.
It felt she now thinks I have moved on, and that she is happy with it. Is that a good sign? If she thinks I have moved on (I am not sure if she really thinks I have moved on or not), and is happy with it, what are the chances of getting her back?
I sent her the letter one week ago; I too sounded really positive during the call and the call ended on a positive note. After that call, there was no correspondence between us in any form. She had left my place just the day I reached there, and hence we could not meet. What should I do now? What should my next step be? What would be going on in her mind right now?
Kevin, you have been of great help. Thanks a ton for that :D
Btw, the article says that if I want a sample letter written for me, I can find it in step 5. Where can I find the sample letter in step 5?
And when should I send her the letter? With her latest FB message, you had said she needs more time. So should I send the letter right away, or give her some more time before I send the letter? And if I should give her some more time, how long should that be?
Hey Ravi,
I still think she needs time. But since you mentioned you will be visiting her city in a few days, I thought it might be a good idea since the letter is probably going to open up communication between you two and she might contact you to meet up. If you've subscribed to the 5th step, you will get the sample letter in the 10th email. It seems you have already received. Look for an email with the subject line "How to write that magic letter".
Hey Ravi,
I still think she needs time. But since you mentioned you will be visiting her city in a few days, I thought it might be a good idea since the letter is probably going to open up communication between you two and she might contact you to meet up. If you've subscribed to the 5th step, you will get the sample letter in the 10th email. It seems you have already received. Look for an email with the subject line "How to write that magic letter".
Hey Ravi,
I still think she needs time. But since you mentioned you will be visiting her city in a few days, I thought it might be a good idea since the letter is probably going to open up communication between you two and she might contact you to meet up. If you've subscribed to the 5th step, you will get the sample letter in the 10th email. It seems you have already received. Look for an email with the subject line "How to write that magic letter".
Hey Ravi,
I still think she needs time. But since you mentioned you will be visiting her city in a few days, I thought it might be a good idea since the letter is probably going to open up communication between you two and she might contact you to meet up. If you've subscribed to the 5th step, you will get the sample letter in the 10th email. It seems you have already received. Look for an email with the subject line "How to write that magic letter".
Hey Ravi,
I still think she needs time. But since you mentioned you will be visiting her city in a few days, I thought it might be a good idea since the letter is probably going to open up communication between you two and she might contact you to meet up. If you've subscribed to the 5th step, you will get the sample letter in the 10th email. It seems you have already received. Look for an email with the subject line "How to write that magic letter".
Hey Ravi,
I still think she needs time. But since you mentioned you will be visiting her city in a few days, I thought it might be a good idea since the letter is probably going to open up communication between you two and she might contact you to meet up. If you've subscribed to the 5th step, you will get the sample letter in the 10th email. It seems you have already received. Look for an email with the subject line "How to write that magic letter".
I don't think she has started initiating friendship yet. RR recommends sending the letter only after she initiates friendship, right?
Hey Ravi,
The letter in RR is after she initiates friendship. I am talking about the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll work for your situation. If you want, make it an email instead of hand written.
Hey Ravi,
The letter in RR is after she initiates friendship. I am talking about the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll work for your situation. If you want, make it an email instead of hand written.
Hey Ravi,
The letter in RR is after she initiates friendship. I am talking about the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll work for your situation. If you want, make it an email instead of hand written.
Hey Ravi,
The letter in RR is after she initiates friendship. I am talking about the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll work for your situation. If you want, make it an email instead of hand written.
Hey Ravi,
The letter in RR is after she initiates friendship. I am talking about the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll work for your situation. If you want, make it an email instead of hand written.
Hey Ravi,
The letter in RR is after she initiates friendship. I am talking about the letter mentioned in the article. I think it'll work for your situation. If you want, make it an email instead of hand written.
And also, I am in Hyderabad (where she is doing her college) right now. She knew I am in Hyderabad. I didn't initiate any idea of meeting up. Just today she has left for Chennai (where I do my college). I will be leaving for Chennai in two days. Do you think I should initiate the talk of meeting up in Chennai? Or should I just stay cool?
Once I am back in Chennai, if I ask her if we could meet, would that make her put back her defenses? What should I do?
I think it's the right time to send the letter. Then when you reach her city, contact her to meet up for coffee.
I think it's the right time to send the letter. Then when you reach her city, contact her to meet up for coffee.
I think it's the right time to send the letter. Then when you reach her city, contact her to meet up for coffee.
I think it's the right time to send the letter. Then when you reach her city, contact her to meet up for coffee.
I think it's the right time to send the letter. Then when you reach her city, contact her to meet up for coffee.
I think it's the right time to send the letter. Then when you reach her city, contact her to meet up for coffee.
No, I haven't yet sent the letter. I feel I should contact her not very often, but only now and then. If I contact her more often, she might put up back her defenses? And the letter, is this the right time to send? Wouldn't she put up back her defenses or get irritated again? (Because when she is not comfortable with me talking to her daily, how would she be okay if I send her a letter?)
She sent me a message on Facebook saying that I had been there for her. She was then sorry for everything that had happened and said that she doesn't have a choice other than staying away.
The actual message : 'You've been there for me; Sorry for everything. I have no choice but to be this. Take care Ravi.'
What does this message mean? What could be going on in her mind at present?
She needs more time, in my opinion. She feels guilty for breaking up. She thinks that you are hurt from the breakup. Did you try sending her the letter mentioned in the article?
She needs more time, in my opinion. She feels guilty for breaking up. She thinks that you are hurt from the breakup. Did you try sending her the letter mentioned in the article?
She needs more time, in my opinion. She feels guilty for breaking up. She thinks that you are hurt from the breakup. Did you try sending her the letter mentioned in the article?
She needs more time, in my opinion. She feels guilty for breaking up. She thinks that you are hurt from the breakup. Did you try sending her the letter mentioned in the article?
She needs more time, in my opinion. She feels guilty for breaking up. She thinks that you are hurt from the breakup. Did you try sending her the letter mentioned in the article?
She needs more time, in my opinion. She feels guilty for breaking up. She thinks that you are hurt from the breakup. Did you try sending her the letter mentioned in the article?
I sent her this message today on phone (after the 30 day NO CONTACT) : 'Hey, just wanted to tell you that my second book is getting published. Take Care!'
She didn't reply. I sent her the same message on facebook too. She 'saw' the message but didn't reply. What do you think would be going on her mind right now? Why is she doing this? What should I do now?
Like I said before, your message didn't really have anything to merit a response. It's OK that she didn't reply. Wait another week and send her one of the texts in the article.
Like I said before, your message didn't really have anything to merit a response. It's OK that she didn't reply. Wait another week and send her one of the texts in the article.
Like I said before, your message didn't really have anything to merit a response. It's OK that she didn't reply. Wait another week and send her one of the texts in the article.
Like I said before, your message didn't really have anything to merit a response. It's OK that she didn't reply. Wait another week and send her one of the texts in the article.
Like I said before, your message didn't really have anything to merit a response. It's OK that she didn't reply. Wait another week and send her one of the texts in the article.
Like I said before, your message didn't really have anything to merit a response. It's OK that she didn't reply. Wait another week and send her one of the texts in the article.
Hey Kevin,
When I contact her tomorrow after 30 days of NO CONTACT, and if she asks me if I have moved on, what should I say? I haven't moved on, I still love her. Only that now I am not needy and clingy. So what should I tell her? If I say I haven't moved on, she might put up her defenses again? What should I do?
Tell her you've accepted the breakup and you think it was probably for the best. Don't use the words moved on.
Tell her you've accepted the breakup and you think it was probably for the best. Don't use the words moved on.
Tell her you've accepted the breakup and you think it was probably for the best. Don't use the words moved on.
Tell her you've accepted the breakup and you think it was probably for the best. Don't use the words moved on.
Tell her you've accepted the breakup and you think it was probably for the best. Don't use the words moved on.
Tell her you've accepted the breakup and you think it was probably for the best. Don't use the words moved on.
And she hasn't contacted me till now. If it turns out like she hasn't contacted me in the NO CONTACT period, what are the chances of getting her back? Has a similar situation (ex not contacting during the NO CONTACT period) happened to anyone else and yet their ex came back to them?
RR is relationship rewind.
I remember coming across a few cases where it happened. Even if she didn't contact you during no contact, it doesn't mean she didn't miss you. Don't think about it too much. Just continue with the plan.
RR is relationship rewind.
I remember coming across a few cases where it happened. Even if she didn't contact you during no contact, it doesn't mean she didn't miss you. Don't think about it too much. Just continue with the plan.
RR is relationship rewind.
I remember coming across a few cases where it happened. Even if she didn't contact you during no contact, it doesn't mean she didn't miss you. Don't think about it too much. Just continue with the plan.
RR is relationship rewind.
I remember coming across a few cases where it happened. Even if she didn't contact you during no contact, it doesn't mean she didn't miss you. Don't think about it too much. Just continue with the plan.
RR is relationship rewind.
I remember coming across a few cases where it happened. Even if she didn't contact you during no contact, it doesn't mean she didn't miss you. Don't think about it too much. Just continue with the plan.
RR is relationship rewind.
I remember coming across a few cases where it happened. Even if she didn't contact you during no contact, it doesn't mean she didn't miss you. Don't think about it too much. Just continue with the plan.
Thanks Kevin :)
What is RR? And btw, any tips as to how I can induce curiosity with my text message?
And also, the last time we spoke, she said the reason she pinged in February was because she felt guilty; and that she didn't feel guilty anymore.
Since she said she doesn't feel guilty anymore, would the NO CONTACT thing work now?
And also, I stared my NO CONTACT period not immediately after the breakup. We broke in the last week of January. During February, I used to send rare texts, but by the end of February she said she didn't want to talk anymore (just like she used to say before), because I had begun to show my loving side to her again.
So I had started my NO CONTACT a month after the breakup. Does such a NO CONTACT work? Does it work the same way as the one started immediately after a breakup?
Yes it works. I'll say only about 2-3% of the people who come here start no contact immediately after a breakup. And the rest have had successful results with no contact. The text seems fine. I'll suggest you don't apologize unless you said some really nasty things. Also, if possible, try to give her a reason to reply to you. Include some curiosity in your message (you can use texts in RR).
Yes it works. I'll say only about 2-3% of the people who come here start no contact immediately after a breakup. And the rest have had successful results with no contact. The text seems fine. I'll suggest you don't apologize unless you said some really nasty things. Also, if possible, try to give her a reason to reply to you. Include some curiosity in your message (you can use texts in RR).
Yes it works. I'll say only about 2-3% of the people who come here start no contact immediately after a breakup. And the rest have had successful results with no contact. The text seems fine. I'll suggest you don't apologize unless you said some really nasty things. Also, if possible, try to give her a reason to reply to you. Include some curiosity in your message (you can use texts in RR).
Yes it works. I'll say only about 2-3% of the people who come here start no contact immediately after a breakup. And the rest have had successful results with no contact. The text seems fine. I'll suggest you don't apologize unless you said some really nasty things. Also, if possible, try to give her a reason to reply to you. Include some curiosity in your message (you can use texts in RR).
Yes it works. I'll say only about 2-3% of the people who come here start no contact immediately after a breakup. And the rest have had successful results with no contact. The text seems fine. I'll suggest you don't apologize unless you said some really nasty things. Also, if possible, try to give her a reason to reply to you. Include some curiosity in your message (you can use texts in RR).
Yes it works. I'll say only about 2-3% of the people who come here start no contact immediately after a breakup. And the rest have had successful results with no contact. The text seems fine. I'll suggest you don't apologize unless you said some really nasty things. Also, if possible, try to give her a reason to reply to you. Include some curiosity in your message (you can use texts in RR).
Hello Kevin,
It's been 26 days of NO CONTACT, and I will be contacting my ex in a week. I am planning to send her a text message which says 'Hey, sorry if I have hurt you the last time we spoke. Just wanted to let you know that my second book is getting published. Take care!'
I am an author and the publishers have okayed my book. So how would the above message work with her? How would it make her feel?
Hey Kevin, you have been much helpful and thanks a lot for that!
I have one serious doubt. You stress so much upon No Contact in your website. I have subscribed to you and I keep getting your mails daily. You did mention about the book 'Relationship Rewind' by Ryan Rivers. I grabbed a copy and had a look at it. It says that NO CONTACT only puts off the sparks and makes it much tougher to get my ex back. But on the other hand you insist on No Contact.
This is a bit confusing. What should I do now? I have already been in No Contact for over a couple of weeks now.
Hey Ravi,
The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to re-evaluate your relationship and gives your ex some time to cool off after the breakup. Relationship Rewind is against no contact but it still agrees that no contact will make your ex miss you. Other than that, relationship rewind has some extremely useful strategies to re-establish contact, and re-attract them back in your life. I'll still recommend no contact and when you are finished, contact your ex again using the strategies in Relationship Rewind.
Hey Ravi,
The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to re-evaluate your relationship and gives your ex some time to cool off after the breakup. Relationship Rewind is against no contact but it still agrees that no contact will make your ex miss you. Other than that, relationship rewind has some extremely useful strategies to re-establish contact, and re-attract them back in your life. I'll still recommend no contact and when you are finished, contact your ex again using the strategies in Relationship Rewind.
Hey Ravi,
The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to re-evaluate your relationship and gives your ex some time to cool off after the breakup. Relationship Rewind is against no contact but it still agrees that no contact will make your ex miss you. Other than that, relationship rewind has some extremely useful strategies to re-establish contact, and re-attract them back in your life. I'll still recommend no contact and when you are finished, contact your ex again using the strategies in Relationship Rewind.
Hey Ravi,
The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to re-evaluate your relationship and gives your ex some time to cool off after the breakup. Relationship Rewind is against no contact but it still agrees that no contact will make your ex miss you. Other than that, relationship rewind has some extremely useful strategies to re-establish contact, and re-attract them back in your life. I'll still recommend no contact and when you are finished, contact your ex again using the strategies in Relationship Rewind.
Hey Ravi,
The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to re-evaluate your relationship and gives your ex some time to cool off after the breakup. Relationship Rewind is against no contact but it still agrees that no contact will make your ex miss you. Other than that, relationship rewind has some extremely useful strategies to re-establish contact, and re-attract them back in your life. I'll still recommend no contact and when you are finished, contact your ex again using the strategies in Relationship Rewind.
Hey Ravi,
The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to re-evaluate your relationship and gives your ex some time to cool off after the breakup. Relationship Rewind is against no contact but it still agrees that no contact will make your ex miss you. Other than that, relationship rewind has some extremely useful strategies to re-establish contact, and re-attract them back in your life. I'll still recommend no contact and when you are finished, contact your ex again using the strategies in Relationship Rewind.
And if she herself doesn't at all contact me in this 30 day no contact period, does that mean she wasn't at all curious of my silence? What all would it mean if she hasn't initiated contact during the 30 day no contact period?
There could be a lot of reason for her not contacting you during the 30 days. It could mean that she is stubborn. It could mean that she is expecting you to contact her. It could even mean she needed some space. However, no contact should be more about you and not her. You should concentrate more on what you have to do than what your ex is thinking.
There could be a lot of reason for her not contacting you during the 30 days. It could mean that she is stubborn. It could mean that she is expecting you to contact her. It could even mean she needed some space. However, no contact should be more about you and not her. You should concentrate more on what you have to do than what your ex is thinking.
There could be a lot of reason for her not contacting you during the 30 days. It could mean that she is stubborn. It could mean that she is expecting you to contact her. It could even mean she needed some space. However, no contact should be more about you and not her. You should concentrate more on what you have to do than what your ex is thinking.
There could be a lot of reason for her not contacting you during the 30 days. It could mean that she is stubborn. It could mean that she is expecting you to contact her. It could even mean she needed some space. However, no contact should be more about you and not her. You should concentrate more on what you have to do than what your ex is thinking.
There could be a lot of reason for her not contacting you during the 30 days. It could mean that she is stubborn. It could mean that she is expecting you to contact her. It could even mean she needed some space. However, no contact should be more about you and not her. You should concentrate more on what you have to do than what your ex is thinking.
There could be a lot of reason for her not contacting you during the 30 days. It could mean that she is stubborn. It could mean that she is expecting you to contact her. It could even mean she needed some space. However, no contact should be more about you and not her. You should concentrate more on what you have to do than what your ex is thinking.
Hello Kevin, you have been of great help to me, and I am much grateful for that. I again need your help. I have a few questions.
On the 5th of May, I pinged her on Whatsapp. She was very cold and said that she din't want to talk anymore. She said she won't reply to me if at all I initiate another conversation. I said take care and left. I remained completely invisible to her. No activity on Facebook (She is in my friend's list) or Whatsapp.
2nd June was my birthday. She din't wish me. I still stayed invisible. Didn't even reply to the wishes of other people who had posted on my Facebook wall. On the 6th of June, she sent me a message, which is :
'I have to ask you a question. Let me know if you can answer.
And. belated bday wishes.
This question is something related to me, and nothing more. Can even call it selfish. So, if you dont want to reply, it is absolutely fine.'
I took a week to reply to her. I thanked her for the wishes and asked her to carry on with her question. I too remained normal and plain in my replies. No smileys or exclamatory marks.
The very next day after my reply, she sends a message back, saying :
'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?'
Its been two days since she sent that message, and I haven't yet replied to her. I am planning to reply to her tonight.
Now for the questions :
1. She was so cold and ignorant just a month ago. Why then did she ping me now? She was hell bent on staying away from me, or rather, wanting me to stay away from her. She didn't want to be friends. She didn't want any kind of contact. Why did she then send me this message?
2. What could be going on in her mind right now? Is she missing me? Just a month ago she said she has completely moved on. Then would it be possible that she is missing me now?
3. Should I point out what she had said a month ago, that she herself had wanted to cut off everything, and now she herself again has contacted me? Should I ask her either to stay with me, or away from me, and not to keep coming and going like this? Should I ask her to have the discipline to refrain from contacting me, just like she had expected me to do? Should I be as cold as she had been?
Or should I reply normally without taking up the past? Should I be just friendly and normal without mentioning what she had said in the past?
4. Once I reply to her question tonight, what should be my next move? Should I just stay away from her, as I had been for the past one month? Or should I try to initiate conversation with her once every few days, and try to get back those old sparks?
5. Do you think she is now in a relationship with someone else? Or do you think she is planning to be in one with someone else? Or is she just single and is missing me?
6. Her question, 'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?', what do you think that really means? Does it have anything to do with her present state of mind?
Looking forward to hear from you
Thanks Kevin
Wait for another two weeks? (I have already waited for two weeks) Okay, so which means there would be another one month gap between us. Would that be okay? Would she get used to my absence and feel even more cold and indifferent when I talk to her after two more weeks?
After a week since I sent her the magic letter, I sent her a 'Goodnight' text one fine night. She didn't reply. The next day afternoon I sent her a text asking if we could be friends. Sometime later she replied, and we had a small convo. She was extremely rigid and spoke very formally. It hurt. She said 'long distance friendships' need efforts which she is not okay putting in right now, and that she would let me know when she is okay being friends.
Today its been more than a week already since we last spoke. And I haven't contacted her yet. What should I do now? What should be my next step?
P.S : She sounded very positive and friendly after reading the magic letter that she herself called me and talked.
And yes, it has been one week since her last call (after reading the magic letter). Is that too long a time before I could initiate any further talks?
I sent her the magic letter (as a message on Facebook). I thought she would just see the message and leave (and not reply), but she called me. She sounded very positive and friendly. Seemed she was curious about the great things happening in my life. I told her what all great was happening; she said she was happy for me.
She asked me what was the 'we need some space' thing I had mentioned in the letter; and she said there is nothing like that from her side as she has completely got off from the relationship mindset. She doesn't have that relationship mindset anymore. Through the call, it felt as if she is happy that I have accepted the break up. She asked me if I don't have any feelings for her anymore; I somehow diverted that topic and spoke something else.
It felt she now thinks I have moved on, and that she is happy with it. Is that a good sign? If she thinks I have moved on (I am not sure if she really thinks I have moved on or not), and is happy with it, what are the chances of getting her back?
I sent her the letter one week ago; I too sounded really positive during the call and the call ended on a positive note. After that call, there was no correspondence between us in any form. She had left my place just the day I reached there, and hence we could not meet. What should I do now? What should my next step be? What would be going on in her mind right now?
Kevin, you have been of great help. Thanks a ton for that :D
Btw, the article says that if I want a sample letter written for me, I can find it in step 5. Where can I find the sample letter in step 5?
And when should I send her the letter? With her latest FB message, you had said she needs more time. So should I send the letter right away, or give her some more time before I send the letter? And if I should give her some more time, how long should that be?
I don't think she has started initiating friendship yet. RR recommends sending the letter only after she initiates friendship, right?
And also, I am in Hyderabad (where she is doing her college) right now. She knew I am in Hyderabad. I didn't initiate any idea of meeting up. Just today she has left for Chennai (where I do my college). I will be leaving for Chennai in two days. Do you think I should initiate the talk of meeting up in Chennai? Or should I just stay cool?
Once I am back in Chennai, if I ask her if we could meet, would that make her put back her defenses? What should I do?
No, I haven't yet sent the letter. I feel I should contact her not very often, but only now and then. If I contact her more often, she might put up back her defenses? And the letter, is this the right time to send? Wouldn't she put up back her defenses or get irritated again? (Because when she is not comfortable with me talking to her daily, how would she be okay if I send her a letter?)
She sent me a message on Facebook saying that I had been there for her. She was then sorry for everything that had happened and said that she doesn't have a choice other than staying away.
The actual message : 'You've been there for me; Sorry for everything. I have no choice but to be this. Take care Ravi.'
What does this message mean? What could be going on in her mind at present?
I sent her this message today on phone (after the 30 day NO CONTACT) : 'Hey, just wanted to tell you that my second book is getting published. Take Care!'
She didn't reply. I sent her the same message on facebook too. She 'saw' the message but didn't reply. What do you think would be going on her mind right now? Why is she doing this? What should I do now?
Hey Kevin,
When I contact her tomorrow after 30 days of NO CONTACT, and if she asks me if I have moved on, what should I say? I haven't moved on, I still love her. Only that now I am not needy and clingy. So what should I tell her? If I say I haven't moved on, she might put up her defenses again? What should I do?
And she hasn't contacted me till now. If it turns out like she hasn't contacted me in the NO CONTACT period, what are the chances of getting her back? Has a similar situation (ex not contacting during the NO CONTACT period) happened to anyone else and yet their ex came back to them?
Thanks Kevin :)
What is RR? And btw, any tips as to how I can induce curiosity with my text message?
And also, the last time we spoke, she said the reason she pinged in February was because she felt guilty; and that she didn't feel guilty anymore.
Since she said she doesn't feel guilty anymore, would the NO CONTACT thing work now?
And also, I stared my NO CONTACT period not immediately after the breakup. We broke in the last week of January. During February, I used to send rare texts, but by the end of February she said she didn't want to talk anymore (just like she used to say before), because I had begun to show my loving side to her again.
So I had started my NO CONTACT a month after the breakup. Does such a NO CONTACT work? Does it work the same way as the one started immediately after a breakup?
Hello Kevin,
It's been 26 days of NO CONTACT, and I will be contacting my ex in a week. I am planning to send her a text message which says 'Hey, sorry if I have hurt you the last time we spoke. Just wanted to let you know that my second book is getting published. Take care!'
I am an author and the publishers have okayed my book. So how would the above message work with her? How would it make her feel?
Hey Kevin, you have been much helpful and thanks a lot for that!
I have one serious doubt. You stress so much upon No Contact in your website. I have subscribed to you and I keep getting your mails daily. You did mention about the book 'Relationship Rewind' by Ryan Rivers. I grabbed a copy and had a look at it. It says that NO CONTACT only puts off the sparks and makes it much tougher to get my ex back. But on the other hand you insist on No Contact.
This is a bit confusing. What should I do now? I have already been in No Contact for over a couple of weeks now.
And if she herself doesn't at all contact me in this 30 day no contact period, does that mean she wasn't at all curious of my silence? What all would it mean if she hasn't initiated contact during the 30 day no contact period?
Hello Kevin, you have been of great help to me, and I am much grateful for that. I again need your help. I have a few questions.
On the 5th of May, I pinged her on Whatsapp. She was very cold and said that she din't want to talk anymore. She said she won't reply to me if at all I initiate another conversation. I said take care and left. I remained completely invisible to her. No activity on Facebook (She is in my friend's list) or Whatsapp.
2nd June was my birthday. She din't wish me. I still stayed invisible. Didn't even reply to the wishes of other people who had posted on my Facebook wall. On the 6th of June, she sent me a message, which is :
'I have to ask you a question. Let me know if you can answer.
And. belated bday wishes.
This question is something related to me, and nothing more. Can even call it selfish. So, if you dont want to reply, it is absolutely fine.'
I took a week to reply to her. I thanked her for the wishes and asked her to carry on with her question. I too remained normal and plain in my replies. No smileys or exclamatory marks.
The very next day after my reply, she sends a message back, saying :
'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?'
Its been two days since she sent that message, and I haven't yet replied to her. I am planning to reply to her tonight.
Now for the questions :
1. She was so cold and ignorant just a month ago. Why then did she ping me now? She was hell bent on staying away from me, or rather, wanting me to stay away from her. She didn't want to be friends. She didn't want any kind of contact. Why did she then send me this message?
2. What could be going on in her mind right now? Is she missing me? Just a month ago she said she has completely moved on. Then would it be possible that she is missing me now?
3. Should I point out what she had said a month ago, that she herself had wanted to cut off everything, and now she herself again has contacted me? Should I ask her either to stay with me, or away from me, and not to keep coming and going like this? Should I ask her to have the discipline to refrain from contacting me, just like she had expected me to do? Should I be as cold as she had been?
Or should I reply normally without taking up the past? Should I be just friendly and normal without mentioning what she had said in the past?
4. Once I reply to her question tonight, what should be my next move? Should I just stay away from her, as I had been for the past one month? Or should I try to initiate conversation with her once every few days, and try to get back those old sparks?
5. Do you think she is now in a relationship with someone else? Or do you think she is planning to be in one with someone else? Or is she just single and is missing me?
6. Her question, 'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?', what do you think that really means? Does it have anything to do with her present state of mind?
Looking forward to hear from you
Thanks Kevin
Wait for another two weeks? (I have already waited for two weeks) Okay, so which means there would be another one month gap between us. Would that be okay? Would she get used to my absence and feel even more cold and indifferent when I talk to her after two more weeks?
After a week since I sent her the magic letter, I sent her a 'Goodnight' text one fine night. She didn't reply. The next day afternoon I sent her a text asking if we could be friends. Sometime later she replied, and we had a small convo. She was extremely rigid and spoke very formally. It hurt. She said 'long distance friendships' need efforts which she is not okay putting in right now, and that she would let me know when she is okay being friends.
Today its been more than a week already since we last spoke. And I haven't contacted her yet. What should I do now? What should be my next step?
P.S : She sounded very positive and friendly after reading the magic letter that she herself called me and talked.
And yes, it has been one week since her last call (after reading the magic letter). Is that too long a time before I could initiate any further talks?
I sent her the magic letter (as a message on Facebook). I thought she would just see the message and leave (and not reply), but she called me. She sounded very positive and friendly. Seemed she was curious about the great things happening in my life. I told her what all great was happening; she said she was happy for me.
She asked me what was the 'we need some space' thing I had mentioned in the letter; and she said there is nothing like that from her side as she has completely got off from the relationship mindset. She doesn't have that relationship mindset anymore. Through the call, it felt as if she is happy that I have accepted the break up. She asked me if I don't have any feelings for her anymore; I somehow diverted that topic and spoke something else.
It felt she now thinks I have moved on, and that she is happy with it. Is that a good sign? If she thinks I have moved on (I am not sure if she really thinks I have moved on or not), and is happy with it, what are the chances of getting her back?
I sent her the letter one week ago; I too sounded really positive during the call and the call ended on a positive note. After that call, there was no correspondence between us in any form. She had left my place just the day I reached there, and hence we could not meet. What should I do now? What should my next step be? What would be going on in her mind right now?
Kevin, you have been of great help. Thanks a ton for that :D
Btw, the article says that if I want a sample letter written for me, I can find it in step 5. Where can I find the sample letter in step 5?
And when should I send her the letter? With her latest FB message, you had said she needs more time. So should I send the letter right away, or give her some more time before I send the letter? And if I should give her some more time, how long should that be?
I don't think she has started initiating friendship yet. RR recommends sending the letter only after she initiates friendship, right?
And also, I am in Hyderabad (where she is doing her college) right now. She knew I am in Hyderabad. I didn't initiate any idea of meeting up. Just today she has left for Chennai (where I do my college). I will be leaving for Chennai in two days. Do you think I should initiate the talk of meeting up in Chennai? Or should I just stay cool?
Once I am back in Chennai, if I ask her if we could meet, would that make her put back her defenses? What should I do?
No, I haven't yet sent the letter. I feel I should contact her not very often, but only now and then. If I contact her more often, she might put up back her defenses? And the letter, is this the right time to send? Wouldn't she put up back her defenses or get irritated again? (Because when she is not comfortable with me talking to her daily, how would she be okay if I send her a letter?)
She sent me a message on Facebook saying that I had been there for her. She was then sorry for everything that had happened and said that she doesn't have a choice other than staying away.
The actual message : 'You've been there for me; Sorry for everything. I have no choice but to be this. Take care Ravi.'
What does this message mean? What could be going on in her mind at present?
I sent her this message today on phone (after the 30 day NO CONTACT) : 'Hey, just wanted to tell you that my second book is getting published. Take Care!'
She didn't reply. I sent her the same message on facebook too. She 'saw' the message but didn't reply. What do you think would be going on her mind right now? Why is she doing this? What should I do now?
Hey Kevin,
When I contact her tomorrow after 30 days of NO CONTACT, and if she asks me if I have moved on, what should I say? I haven't moved on, I still love her. Only that now I am not needy and clingy. So what should I tell her? If I say I haven't moved on, she might put up her defenses again? What should I do?
And she hasn't contacted me till now. If it turns out like she hasn't contacted me in the NO CONTACT period, what are the chances of getting her back? Has a similar situation (ex not contacting during the NO CONTACT period) happened to anyone else and yet their ex came back to them?
Thanks Kevin :)
What is RR? And btw, any tips as to how I can induce curiosity with my text message?
And also, the last time we spoke, she said the reason she pinged in February was because she felt guilty; and that she didn't feel guilty anymore.
Since she said she doesn't feel guilty anymore, would the NO CONTACT thing work now?
And also, I stared my NO CONTACT period not immediately after the breakup. We broke in the last week of January. During February, I used to send rare texts, but by the end of February she said she didn't want to talk anymore (just like she used to say before), because I had begun to show my loving side to her again.
So I had started my NO CONTACT a month after the breakup. Does such a NO CONTACT work? Does it work the same way as the one started immediately after a breakup?
Hello Kevin,
It's been 26 days of NO CONTACT, and I will be contacting my ex in a week. I am planning to send her a text message which says 'Hey, sorry if I have hurt you the last time we spoke. Just wanted to let you know that my second book is getting published. Take care!'
I am an author and the publishers have okayed my book. So how would the above message work with her? How would it make her feel?
Hey Kevin, you have been much helpful and thanks a lot for that!
I have one serious doubt. You stress so much upon No Contact in your website. I have subscribed to you and I keep getting your mails daily. You did mention about the book 'Relationship Rewind' by Ryan Rivers. I grabbed a copy and had a look at it. It says that NO CONTACT only puts off the sparks and makes it much tougher to get my ex back. But on the other hand you insist on No Contact.
This is a bit confusing. What should I do now? I have already been in No Contact for over a couple of weeks now.
And if she herself doesn't at all contact me in this 30 day no contact period, does that mean she wasn't at all curious of my silence? What all would it mean if she hasn't initiated contact during the 30 day no contact period?
Hello Kevin, you have been of great help to me, and I am much grateful for that. I again need your help. I have a few questions.
On the 5th of May, I pinged her on Whatsapp. She was very cold and said that she din't want to talk anymore. She said she won't reply to me if at all I initiate another conversation. I said take care and left. I remained completely invisible to her. No activity on Facebook (She is in my friend's list) or Whatsapp.
2nd June was my birthday. She din't wish me. I still stayed invisible. Didn't even reply to the wishes of other people who had posted on my Facebook wall. On the 6th of June, she sent me a message, which is :
'I have to ask you a question. Let me know if you can answer.
And. belated bday wishes.
This question is something related to me, and nothing more. Can even call it selfish. So, if you dont want to reply, it is absolutely fine.'
I took a week to reply to her. I thanked her for the wishes and asked her to carry on with her question. I too remained normal and plain in my replies. No smileys or exclamatory marks.
The very next day after my reply, she sends a message back, saying :
'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?'
Its been two days since she sent that message, and I haven't yet replied to her. I am planning to reply to her tonight.
Now for the questions :
1. She was so cold and ignorant just a month ago. Why then did she ping me now? She was hell bent on staying away from me, or rather, wanting me to stay away from her. She didn't want to be friends. She didn't want any kind of contact. Why did she then send me this message?
2. What could be going on in her mind right now? Is she missing me? Just a month ago she said she has completely moved on. Then would it be possible that she is missing me now?
3. Should I point out what she had said a month ago, that she herself had wanted to cut off everything, and now she herself again has contacted me? Should I ask her either to stay with me, or away from me, and not to keep coming and going like this? Should I ask her to have the discipline to refrain from contacting me, just like she had expected me to do? Should I be as cold as she had been?
Or should I reply normally without taking up the past? Should I be just friendly and normal without mentioning what she had said in the past?
4. Once I reply to her question tonight, what should be my next move? Should I just stay away from her, as I had been for the past one month? Or should I try to initiate conversation with her once every few days, and try to get back those old sparks?
5. Do you think she is now in a relationship with someone else? Or do you think she is planning to be in one with someone else? Or is she just single and is missing me?
6. Her question, 'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?', what do you think that really means? Does it have anything to do with her present state of mind?
Looking forward to hear from you
Thanks Kevin
Wait for another two weeks? (I have already waited for two weeks) Okay, so which means there would be another one month gap between us. Would that be okay? Would she get used to my absence and feel even more cold and indifferent when I talk to her after two more weeks?
After a week since I sent her the magic letter, I sent her a 'Goodnight' text one fine night. She didn't reply. The next day afternoon I sent her a text asking if we could be friends. Sometime later she replied, and we had a small convo. She was extremely rigid and spoke very formally. It hurt. She said 'long distance friendships' need efforts which she is not okay putting in right now, and that she would let me know when she is okay being friends.
Today its been more than a week already since we last spoke. And I haven't contacted her yet. What should I do now? What should be my next step?
P.S : She sounded very positive and friendly after reading the magic letter that she herself called me and talked.
And yes, it has been one week since her last call (after reading the magic letter). Is that too long a time before I could initiate any further talks?
I sent her the magic letter (as a message on Facebook). I thought she would just see the message and leave (and not reply), but she called me. She sounded very positive and friendly. Seemed she was curious about the great things happening in my life. I told her what all great was happening; she said she was happy for me.
She asked me what was the 'we need some space' thing I had mentioned in the letter; and she said there is nothing like that from her side as she has completely got off from the relationship mindset. She doesn't have that relationship mindset anymore. Through the call, it felt as if she is happy that I have accepted the break up. She asked me if I don't have any feelings for her anymore; I somehow diverted that topic and spoke something else.
It felt she now thinks I have moved on, and that she is happy with it. Is that a good sign? If she thinks I have moved on (I am not sure if she really thinks I have moved on or not), and is happy with it, what are the chances of getting her back?
I sent her the letter one week ago; I too sounded really positive during the call and the call ended on a positive note. After that call, there was no correspondence between us in any form. She had left my place just the day I reached there, and hence we could not meet. What should I do now? What should my next step be? What would be going on in her mind right now?
Kevin, you have been of great help. Thanks a ton for that :D
Btw, the article says that if I want a sample letter written for me, I can find it in step 5. Where can I find the sample letter in step 5?
And when should I send her the letter? With her latest FB message, you had said she needs more time. So should I send the letter right away, or give her some more time before I send the letter? And if I should give her some more time, how long should that be?
I don't think she has started initiating friendship yet. RR recommends sending the letter only after she initiates friendship, right?
And also, I am in Hyderabad (where she is doing her college) right now. She knew I am in Hyderabad. I didn't initiate any idea of meeting up. Just today she has left for Chennai (where I do my college). I will be leaving for Chennai in two days. Do you think I should initiate the talk of meeting up in Chennai? Or should I just stay cool?
Once I am back in Chennai, if I ask her if we could meet, would that make her put back her defenses? What should I do?
No, I haven't yet sent the letter. I feel I should contact her not very often, but only now and then. If I contact her more often, she might put up back her defenses? And the letter, is this the right time to send? Wouldn't she put up back her defenses or get irritated again? (Because when she is not comfortable with me talking to her daily, how would she be okay if I send her a letter?)
She sent me a message on Facebook saying that I had been there for her. She was then sorry for everything that had happened and said that she doesn't have a choice other than staying away.
The actual message : 'You've been there for me; Sorry for everything. I have no choice but to be this. Take care Ravi.'
What does this message mean? What could be going on in her mind at present?
I sent her this message today on phone (after the 30 day NO CONTACT) : 'Hey, just wanted to tell you that my second book is getting published. Take Care!'
She didn't reply. I sent her the same message on facebook too. She 'saw' the message but didn't reply. What do you think would be going on her mind right now? Why is she doing this? What should I do now?
Hey Kevin,
When I contact her tomorrow after 30 days of NO CONTACT, and if she asks me if I have moved on, what should I say? I haven't moved on, I still love her. Only that now I am not needy and clingy. So what should I tell her? If I say I haven't moved on, she might put up her defenses again? What should I do?
And she hasn't contacted me till now. If it turns out like she hasn't contacted me in the NO CONTACT period, what are the chances of getting her back? Has a similar situation (ex not contacting during the NO CONTACT period) happened to anyone else and yet their ex came back to them?
Thanks Kevin :)
What is RR? And btw, any tips as to how I can induce curiosity with my text message?
And also, the last time we spoke, she said the reason she pinged in February was because she felt guilty; and that she didn't feel guilty anymore.
Since she said she doesn't feel guilty anymore, would the NO CONTACT thing work now?
And also, I stared my NO CONTACT period not immediately after the breakup. We broke in the last week of January. During February, I used to send rare texts, but by the end of February she said she didn't want to talk anymore (just like she used to say before), because I had begun to show my loving side to her again.
So I had started my NO CONTACT a month after the breakup. Does such a NO CONTACT work? Does it work the same way as the one started immediately after a breakup?
Hello Kevin,
It's been 26 days of NO CONTACT, and I will be contacting my ex in a week. I am planning to send her a text message which says 'Hey, sorry if I have hurt you the last time we spoke. Just wanted to let you know that my second book is getting published. Take care!'
I am an author and the publishers have okayed my book. So how would the above message work with her? How would it make her feel?
Hey Kevin, you have been much helpful and thanks a lot for that!
I have one serious doubt. You stress so much upon No Contact in your website. I have subscribed to you and I keep getting your mails daily. You did mention about the book 'Relationship Rewind' by Ryan Rivers. I grabbed a copy and had a look at it. It says that NO CONTACT only puts off the sparks and makes it much tougher to get my ex back. But on the other hand you insist on No Contact.
This is a bit confusing. What should I do now? I have already been in No Contact for over a couple of weeks now.
And if she herself doesn't at all contact me in this 30 day no contact period, does that mean she wasn't at all curious of my silence? What all would it mean if she hasn't initiated contact during the 30 day no contact period?
Hello Kevin, you have been of great help to me, and I am much grateful for that. I again need your help. I have a few questions.
On the 5th of May, I pinged her on Whatsapp. She was very cold and said that she din't want to talk anymore. She said she won't reply to me if at all I initiate another conversation. I said take care and left. I remained completely invisible to her. No activity on Facebook (She is in my friend's list) or Whatsapp.
2nd June was my birthday. She din't wish me. I still stayed invisible. Didn't even reply to the wishes of other people who had posted on my Facebook wall. On the 6th of June, she sent me a message, which is :
'I have to ask you a question. Let me know if you can answer.
And. belated bday wishes.
This question is something related to me, and nothing more. Can even call it selfish. So, if you dont want to reply, it is absolutely fine.'
I took a week to reply to her. I thanked her for the wishes and asked her to carry on with her question. I too remained normal and plain in my replies. No smileys or exclamatory marks.
The very next day after my reply, she sends a message back, saying :
'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?'
Its been two days since she sent that message, and I haven't yet replied to her. I am planning to reply to her tonight.
Now for the questions :
1. She was so cold and ignorant just a month ago. Why then did she ping me now? She was hell bent on staying away from me, or rather, wanting me to stay away from her. She didn't want to be friends. She didn't want any kind of contact. Why did she then send me this message?
2. What could be going on in her mind right now? Is she missing me? Just a month ago she said she has completely moved on. Then would it be possible that she is missing me now?
3. Should I point out what she had said a month ago, that she herself had wanted to cut off everything, and now she herself again has contacted me? Should I ask her either to stay with me, or away from me, and not to keep coming and going like this? Should I ask her to have the discipline to refrain from contacting me, just like she had expected me to do? Should I be as cold as she had been?
Or should I reply normally without taking up the past? Should I be just friendly and normal without mentioning what she had said in the past?
4. Once I reply to her question tonight, what should be my next move? Should I just stay away from her, as I had been for the past one month? Or should I try to initiate conversation with her once every few days, and try to get back those old sparks?
5. Do you think she is now in a relationship with someone else? Or do you think she is planning to be in one with someone else? Or is she just single and is missing me?
6. Her question, 'You used to tell me not to trust anyone and be cautious.
Why? Was it like I trusted people too much?', what do you think that really means? Does it have anything to do with her present state of mind?
Looking forward to hear from you
Thanks Kevin
Wait for another two weeks? (I have already waited for two weeks) Okay, so which means there would be another one month gap between us. Would that be okay? Would she get used to my absence and feel even more cold and indifferent when I talk to her after two more weeks?
After a week since I sent her the magic letter, I sent her a 'Goodnight' text one fine night. She didn't reply. The next day afternoon I sent her a text asking if we could be friends. Sometime later she replied, and we had a small convo. She was extremely rigid and spoke very formally. It hurt. She said 'long distance friendships' need efforts which she is not okay putting in right now, and that she would let me know when she is okay being friends.
Today its been more than a week already since we last spoke. And I haven't contacted her yet. What should I do now? What should be my next step?
P.S : She sounded very positive and friendly after reading the magic letter that she herself called me and talked.
And yes, it has been one week since her last call (after reading the magic letter). Is that too long a time before I could initiate any further talks?
I sent her the magic letter (as a message on Facebook). I thought she would just see the message and leave (and not reply), but she called me. She sounded very positive and friendly. Seemed she was curious about the great things happening in my life. I told her what all great was happening; she said she was happy for me.
She asked me what was the 'we need some space' thing I had mentioned in the letter; and she said there is nothing like that from her side as she has completely got off from the relationship mindset. She doesn't have that relationship mindset anymore. Through the call, it felt as if she is happy that I have accepted the break up. She asked me if I don't have any feelings for her anymore; I somehow diverted that topic and spoke something else.
It felt she now thinks I have moved on, and that she is happy with it. Is that a good sign? If she thinks I have moved on (I am not sure if she really thinks I have moved on or not), and is happy with it, what are the chances of getting her back?
I sent her the letter one week ago; I too sounded really positive during the call and the call ended on a positive note. After that call, there was no correspondence between us in any form. She had left my place just the day I reached there, and hence we could not meet. What should I do now? What should my next step be? What would be going on in her mind right now?
Kevin, you have been of great help. Thanks a ton for that :D
Btw, the article says that if I want a sample letter written for me, I can find it in step 5. Where can I find the sample letter in step 5?
And when should I send her the letter? With her latest FB message, you had said she needs more time. So should I send the letter right away, or give her some more time before I send the letter? And if I should give her some more time, how long should that be?
I don't think she has started initiating friendship yet. RR recommends sending the letter only after she initiates friendship, right?
And also, I am in Hyderabad (where she is doing her college) right now. She knew I am in Hyderabad. I didn't initiate any idea of meeting up. Just today she has left for Chennai (where I do my college). I will be leaving for Chennai in two days. Do you think I should initiate the talk of meeting up in Chennai? Or should I just stay cool?
Once I am back in Chennai, if I ask her if we could meet, would that make her put back her defenses? What should I do?
No, I haven't yet sent the letter. I feel I should contact her not very often, but only now and then. If I contact her more often, she might put up back her defenses? And the letter, is this the right time to send? Wouldn't she put up back her defenses or get irritated again? (Because when she is not comfortable with me talking to her daily, how would she be okay if I send her a letter?)
She sent me a message on Facebook saying that I had been there for her. She was then sorry for everything that had happened and said that she doesn't have a choice other than staying away.
The actual message : 'You've been there for me; Sorry for everything. I have no choice but to be this. Take care Ravi.'
What does this message mean? What could be going on in her mind at present?
I sent her this message today on phone (after the 30 day NO CONTACT) : 'Hey, just wanted to tell you that my second book is getting published. Take Care!'
She didn't reply. I sent her the same message on facebook too. She 'saw' the message but didn't reply. What do you think would be going on her mind right now? Why is she doing this? What should I do now?
Hey Kevin,
When I contact her tomorrow after 30 days of NO CONTACT, and if she asks me if I have moved on, what should I say? I haven't moved on, I still love her. Only that now I am not needy and clingy. So what should I tell her? If I say I haven't moved on, she might put up her defenses again? What should I do?
And she hasn't contacted me till now. If it turns out like she hasn't contacted me in the NO CONTACT period, what are the chances of getting her back? Has a similar situation (ex not contacting during the NO CONTACT period) happened to anyone else and yet their ex came back to them?
Thanks Kevin :)
What is RR? And btw, any tips as to how I can induce curiosity with my text message?
And also, the last time we spoke, she said the reason she pinged in February was because she felt guilty; and that she didn't feel guilty anymore.
Since she said she doesn't feel guilty anymore, would the NO CONTACT thing work now?
And also, I stared my NO CONTACT period not immediately after the breakup. We broke in the last week of January. During February, I used to send rare texts, but by the end of February she said she didn't want to talk anymore (just like she used to say before), because I had begun to show my loving side to her again.
So I had started my NO CONTACT a month after the breakup. Does such a NO CONTACT work? Does it work the same way as the one started immediately after a breakup?
Hello Kevin,
It's been 26 days of NO CONTACT, and I will be contacting my ex in a week. I am planning to send her a text message which says 'Hey, sorry if I have hurt you the last time we spoke. Just wanted to let you know that my second book is getting published. Take care!'
I am an author and the publishers have okayed my book. So how would the above message work with her? How would it make her feel?
Hey Kevin, you have been much helpful and thanks a lot for that!
I have one serious doubt. You stress so much upon No Contact in your website. I have subscribed to you and I keep getting your mails daily. You did mention about the book 'Relationship Rewind' by Ryan Rivers. I grabbed a copy and had a look at it. It says that NO CONTACT only puts off the sparks and makes it much tougher to get my ex back. But on the other hand you insist on No Contact.
This is a bit confusing. What should I do now? I have already been in No Contact for over a couple of weeks now.
And if she herself doesn't at all contact me in this 30 day no contact period, does that mean she wasn't at all curious of my silence? What all would it mean if she hasn't initiated contact during the 30 day no contact period?
Yes, it does work with long distance relationships. Although, like I said in the beginning of the article, there are no guarantees.
Yes, it does work with long distance relationships. Although, like I said in the beginning of the article, there are no guarantees.
Yes, it does work with long distance relationships. Although, like I said in the beginning of the article, there are no guarantees.
Thanks a lot :) And BTW, we were in a long distance relationship. We used to meet whenever she used to come down to my city (her relations stay here). Does the 30 day no contact rule work with long distance relationships too?
Thanks a lot :) And BTW, we were in a long distance relationship. We used to meet whenever she used to come down to my city (her relations stay here). Does the 30 day no contact rule work with long distance relationships too?
Hey Ravi,
1. It depends on the person and the relationship. In most cases that I've come across, 30 days is an appropriate amount of time for them to start missing you and for about the negativity of the breakup. It's an appropriate amount of time for them to lower their defenses so you can make a move.
2. Doesn't say much. Everyone asks their ex to move on. She is just trying to be nice. I can't say if she still loves you, but she definitely has feelings for you. And no, I don't think she has moved on.
3. Well, it depends on what she means by logic? Does she not see a future with you? Does she not see you getting married one day? If so, then you might have to address those issues. But don't do it directly as it will make her put her defenses up. Get in contact with her after no contact. Start building attraction. When you think the time is right, then ask her to get back together.
Hi Kevin
I broke up with my partner of 25 years. I had the 30 day break. I initiated the break up due to outside influences affecting our relationship. Recent contact resulted in my ex refusing to talk about the issues. So I initiated action to settle joint assets. He has been totally non compliant to finalise assets. I do still love him and do feel he is lost forever. Is there a chance to repair this and rekindle and rise above the issues.
Hey Denise,
Sorry it had to be this way. 25 years is a long time and I hope things work out for you. I think you need a little more than 30 day break and so does he. I can't really say if there is a chance or not since I don't know much about what happened. However, I think it's still worth giving a try. Try no contact for another 60 days and then contact him again.
Hey Denise,
Sorry it had to be this way. 25 years is a long time and I hope things work out for you. I think you need a little more than 30 day break and so does he. I can't really say if there is a chance or not since I don't know much about what happened. However, I think it's still worth giving a try. Try no contact for another 60 days and then contact him again.
Kevin I've read almost everything you've written. And I kinda don't feel there's any hope for me. I'm doing the no contacting rule ATM. Luckily for me I don't have his email or mobile number. I have DB and I'm lucky he hasn't blocked me. Oh I initiate the break up but he finalised it. He stated dating a week or so after we split. He told me about it and encouraged me to move on and date. We were kinda trying to get back together but the ball was in his court and I was the one hurt and desperate. We had a big falling out about 10 days ago via text and he called it quit. He told me he is seeing someone and want to do the right thing by her and he shouldn't be talking to me. We broke up because I didn't trust him. He was constantly in contact with his ex wife and his 2 best best mate hates me (they met me twice) and they're encouraging him to leave me. I feel I have no chance. His ex wife has a new partner (she cheated on him). My ex was very jealous, possessive and controlling but I did everything I could to show him he had nothing to worry about and he stated to play games and hid stuff from me like his phone and iPad.
I think you should apply no contact for at least 2 months and think real hard if you want him back or not. If still you want to get back with him, contact him using text as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
I think you should apply no contact for at least 2 months and think real hard if you want him back or not. If still you want to get back with him, contact him using text as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin, i need some help
Me and my GF were in a relationship for a year and a half, we had a beautiful relationship but last month was rough, we didn't have much time for each other and we didn't talk soo much. We said we should take a break to miss each other for some time, we missed each other soo much after 3 days, but we said that we can't do this for next month, so we broke up saying we should stay only best friends. I started texting one girl, went out with her, but i just couldn't kiss her cause i only saw my ex. I opened myself to her, i told her we should try it all again, but she told me she had moved on. Two weeks after break up, she hooked up with a guy who looks exactly like me, has same interests, watches same TV series, listens to same music etc. On their 1st date she did the same things with him as she was doing with me, they went to same places, she talks to him exactly the same etc. After that I went to her and told her that i can't do this no more and that i will be there for her if she misses us in any time given, but i can't share her happiness now when she has new BF. She hugged me and started crying, she hugged me for around 10 seconds and told me:"I can't do this, i feel like I'm cheating on him."(the guy she's with now). After that i stopped texting her and calling her, i don't know if she misses me. She's with her new guy for 2 days now, and she seems happy for now. She had put all our things in a box, and put it away. Oh yes and her 1st relationship was with me. Is she just in a "rebound relationship" and is there any place for me to hope she will return to me? What should i do?
There is a good chance it's a rebound. Apply no contact for a month. Then contact her using one of the methods in this article.
I applied NC for 3 days now, I told her i need some space right now. Should i contact her while she is in relationship with this guy after 1 month?
Yes you should.
Well what to do after that if she doesn't break up with her rebound? What are my next moves, i can't find that anywhere, please help :(
You give yourself a time limit for how long you are going to wait for her. You decide how much time of your life are you willing to waste on someone. And if she doesn't break up by the end of that time limit, you give her an ultimatum. Either she breaks up with the guy or you completely cut her from your life and move on. If she chooses the other guy, then you cut her form your life and move on.
You give yourself a time limit for how long you are going to wait for her. You decide how much time of your life are you willing to waste on someone. And if she doesn't break up by the end of that time limit, you give her an ultimatum. Either she breaks up with the guy or you completely cut her from your life and move on. If she chooses the other guy, then you cut her form your life and move on.
You give yourself a time limit for how long you are going to wait for her. You decide how much time of your life are you willing to waste on someone. And if she doesn't break up by the end of that time limit, you give her an ultimatum. Either she breaks up with the guy or you completely cut her from your life and move on. If she chooses the other guy, then you cut her form your life and move on.
You give yourself a time limit for how long you are going to wait for her. You decide how much time of your life are you willing to waste on someone. And if she doesn't break up by the end of that time limit, you give her an ultimatum. Either she breaks up with the guy or you completely cut her from your life and move on. If she chooses the other guy, then you cut her form your life and move on.
You give yourself a time limit for how long you are going to wait for her. You decide how much time of your life are you willing to waste on someone. And if she doesn't break up by the end of that time limit, you give her an ultimatum. Either she breaks up with the guy or you completely cut her from your life and move on. If she chooses the other guy, then you cut her form your life and move on.
You give yourself a time limit for how long you are going to wait for her. You decide how much time of your life are you willing to waste on someone. And if she doesn't break up by the end of that time limit, you give her an ultimatum. Either she breaks up with the guy or you completely cut her from your life and move on. If she chooses the other guy, then you cut her form your life and move on.
Well what to do after that if she doesn't break up with her rebound? What are my next moves, i can't find that anywhere, please help :(
Well what to do after that if she doesn't break up with her rebound? What are my next moves, i can't find that anywhere, please help :(
Well what to do after that if she doesn't break up with her rebound? What are my next moves, i can't find that anywhere, please help :(
Well what to do after that if she doesn't break up with her rebound? What are my next moves, i can't find that anywhere, please help :(
Yes you should.
Yes you should.
Yes you should.
I applied NC for 3 days now, I told her i need some space right now. Should i contact her while she is in relationship with this guy after 1 month?
I applied NC for 3 days now, I told her i need some space right now. Should i contact her while she is in relationship with this guy after 1 month?
There is a good chance it's a rebound. Apply no contact for a month. Then contact her using one of the methods in this article.
Me and me GF split up after 4 years, she ended the relationship 2 weeks ago, since she ended it, I have been doing all the things that you should not be doing. Harrassing, txts, calls, even threat to kill myself.
Now she has said to me we can see if we can be friends, but nothing more would ever come from the friendship as she no longer loves me, feelings have changed and she never get over threats I made to kill myself, and how we have been rowing for months on end, and that she can no longer handle me being jealous, needy with her.
Will the above still work or is it time to move on?
Cheers
Lee
Yes, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life and get rid of your jealousy and neediness.
Yes, if you make a lot of positive changes in your life and get rid of your jealousy and neediness.
My gf broke up with me last week on the basis that we have some major underlying issues including communication. We had been together for 2 and a half years, and i lost my mother just before we got together so don't want to lose someone that means so much to me and has helped me through the toughest period of my life.
I begged and pleaded with her at first to take me back, but have since undergone the no contact method. We agreed to meet up this week before the no contact started over coffee. But now I'm raising questions to if that is a good idea or not? Is it too soon to see her, I don't want to blow her out but I don't want to force her to come see me?
In the short time we haven't spoke I've seen through my naivety and realised that we weren't quite as perfect as I thought, and I have outlined all my flaws and how i intend to solve them. Not just to make her happy but to help improve myself as a person and if all else fails, better myself for future relationships.
I know I don't need her in my life, but i want her in my life and will do everything i can to show her that we can work. Any advice would be much appreciated...
Hey,
If you have made some positive changes in your life then, it's a good idea to meet up. Even if you haven't, you have a better perspective towards life and towards the relationship, so I think you'll be OK.
Hey,
If you have made some positive changes in your life then, it's a good idea to meet up. Even if you haven't, you have a better perspective towards life and towards the relationship, so I think you'll be OK.
Hi there!
My ex and I have broken up
3 times now, all being the exact same excuses, that he needs to learn to be independent as he's always been in relationships and needs to hold his own.
The first time we broke up I tried no contact for myself, to get over him, I was back with him in 4 days.
2nd time no contact really for about 3 weeks, and were back together in 6 weeks.
Each break up is almost the exact same. Do you think a whole 4 -6 weeks will work of nc?
We both love each other very much. He's suss that there's nothing wrong with 'us' but he needs to know he can be independent before being in a relationship.
Thanks.
Hey Catlin,
Don't get back with him this time or it will happen again. Does he want to be independent or does he want to try a relationship with other girls. Personally, I think he is just using being independent as an excuse because he want to screw around. But I can be wrong since I don't know the guy as well as you do.
Yes, 4-6 NC might work. But you have to ask yourself, can you keep doing this for the rest of your life? If you want to get back together, you need to be absolutely sure he won't leave again.
Hey Catlin,
Don't get back with him this time or it will happen again. Does he want to be independent or does he want to try a relationship with other girls. Personally, I think he is just using being independent as an excuse because he want to screw around. But I can be wrong since I don't know the guy as well as you do.
Yes, 4-6 NC might work. But you have to ask yourself, can you keep doing this for the rest of your life? If you want to get back together, you need to be absolutely sure he won't leave again.
Hi Kevin
Me and my girlfriend of 2 and a half years broke up 4 weeks ago, the first week the we broke up I was a mess and I went to her house begging for a new chance and she was with a guy from her school. So after that, I did the NC rule for 3 weeks until yesterday the we met for coffee, she told me the she was happy and taking things slowly with the guy. I believe the in the meeting I did really good, but I need an advice because I dont know what to do.
Continue meeting her and chatting with her. Her new relationship can be a rebound. If it is, it will end eventually. Just don't push her into getting back together with you.
Continue meeting her and chatting with her. Her new relationship can be a rebound. If it is, it will end eventually. Just don't push her into getting back together with you.
Hey Kevin,
My ex left me in mid of november 2013, there was no apparent reason first. We were dating for over a year. He said he wanted a break to deal with things going on with his family and stuff. The day we broke up I found out about his new job from someone else. So I was angry at him. And because of my being mad at him he said he wanted a break. Then that break led to our break up. He didn't contact me for more than a month. When he I was very angry and we fought again, I said very mean things to him then. After that I tried every way to talk to him about what was going on with us. I cried I pleaded and then all of a sudden he wanted me to get lost. Sudden change in every thing, It happened till January this year. I am on a "no contact rule" from January 31. He hasn't contact me yet. Do you think I should move on or keep waiting?
Please help.
Try getting him back once. If it doesn't work, move on.
Try getting him back once. If it doesn't work, move on.
Hi Kevin,
First of all thanks, you are doing an amazing job by helping others through this site. I had met him in 2011 and we had a great time together. As destiny would have it, in 2012 he got shifted for one year to some distant place due to his job but we would always be in touch through phone. Then in begining of 2013 when actually we thought of finally getting married, just when he really admitted he would, the worst happened and his ex landed back in his home before he shifted back. She gave him the sense of guilt for leaving her and wanted to give the relation another chance. They both reconciled last year april and I was kicked out. I was devastated because I was weaving a nest with him and was actually preparing for our marriage. Then what followed the whole one year was a series of no contacts, his avoiding my calls n messages and all..He was living with another but I still carried on with my faith as I kept observing a pattern..He would almost after every month or so send me a message..a casual one like" hi, how are you" or other casual things,,sometimes even admitting that he missed me but that now he cant marry me due to circumstances but would always want to be a friend...I became hopeful and my wait continued..I knew he was just confused and he would eventually come back..but I least knew that while I was still waiting for him he had started bonding with another girl.. .For one year all this kept happening...then in feb this year when I asked him to meet me and help me with some work, to my surprise he came there with his new girl friend...They both behaved like two cozy lovey dovey lovers right infront of me and I was too hurt..I didnt react then but later I messaged him that it was rude of him to hurt me like this by bringing her along well knowing that I still loved him...He however refused and said she was a simple friend and he still respected me....anyway few days later on fb there were loads of pics of both of them hugging, holidaying, rolling over each other,and chatting with each other...all those lovey dovey stuff.....I know he has moved on with this female and is very happy with her..after seeing those snaps I wondered maybe he is a womaniser as he is doing the same with another girl....I blocked him from my fb and entered no contact....my confusion starts now it is almost 20 days and again I get a message from him very early morning two days back where he messages me again a casual message asking for some help in his work....i havent replied till date..I dont know what to do.....I am angry and hurt and I dont want to reply but at the same time I still love him and dont want to loose him....Kindly shed some light as I am unable to understand...what should I do? This man is having relation and fun with another, he keeps avoiding my calls n messages but still when he sends me the message I know perhaps he thinks of me...what should I do Kevin? This man is confused but in the process he is not realizing even till date how much it is affecting me as I still love him truely......Please advise..What do u think is this man a womaniser or does he love me? Should I not reply to any of his message even if he asks for my help till another 3 months...Kindly help and shed some light. Thanks
I think you should not reply to his messages. I don't know if he is a womanizer or he is just confused, but either ways, he is making you miserable. So you should just let him go. You've waited for too long and the more you wait, the worse you will feel. I think you should at least start dating.
Thanks a lot Kevin for ur quick and honest reply..May god bless u...U dont know me still u are there as a friend helping me by listening to my pain and advising me like a true friend about what should I do. Thank you..May God bless you..I dont know if you are in a committed relation with someone or not but you are a very wise man and I wish you all happiness with your love..Stay blessed! Hope one day true love returns in my life as well after all I kept my faith and was sincere throughout..once again God bless u..thanks....
Thank you so much for your kind words k. It means a lot to me. :)
Hi Kevin,
Last time I talked to you, almost a day later early morning I get a message from him "Miss you Bad"...I didnt reply. I wanted to go by your advice because you like a true friend asked me to not reply him again. Still his message made me go soft as I really became hopeful but as usual as I opened his new girl friends fb I saw the same very day when he had messaged me miss you , in that afternoon both of them spend the whole day together...there were lots of pics loaded of them hugging and hving fun together and they had even commented below that they really had a lovely day...He doesnt know I have assess to her gf facebook page, and obviously doesnt know I have seen all photos......actually I opned the fb just to know the truth, as I dont want to be in false hopes....but obviously once again I am shattered.....Kevin I love him a lot and it hurts to see him with other in the same way he used to be with me.....That girl is with him almost the whole day as she even works with him......even at present as I am typing this to u,,I am getting his messages where he is writing "Please talk to me"...I am in tears on reading this,,I will not reply today atleast but please please please tell me what should I do next? I dont want to loose him ...
Hey K,
Remember that if you reply to him, he is again going to hurt you. He was making you miserable when you replied. At least, continue for 30 days more before talking to him. I know you want him back, but I think he will just keep on playing with your feelings if you let him.
Hey K,
Remember that if you reply to him, he is again going to hurt you. He was making you miserable when you replied. At least, continue for 30 days more before talking to him. I know you want him back, but I think he will just keep on playing with your feelings if you let him.
Hey K,
Remember that if you reply to him, he is again going to hurt you. He was making you miserable when you replied. At least, continue for 30 days more before talking to him. I know you want him back, but I think he will just keep on playing with your feelings if you let him.
Hey K,
Remember that if you reply to him, he is again going to hurt you. He was making you miserable when you replied. At least, continue for 30 days more before talking to him. I know you want him back, but I think he will just keep on playing with your feelings if you let him.
Hey K,
Remember that if you reply to him, he is again going to hurt you. He was making you miserable when you replied. At least, continue for 30 days more before talking to him. I know you want him back, but I think he will just keep on playing with your feelings if you let him.
Hey K,
Remember that if you reply to him, he is again going to hurt you. He was making you miserable when you replied. At least, continue for 30 days more before talking to him. I know you want him back, but I think he will just keep on playing with your feelings if you let him.
Hi Kevin,
Last time I talked to you, almost a day later early morning I get a message from him "Miss you Bad"...I didnt reply. I wanted to go by your advice because you like a true friend asked me to not reply him again. Still his message made me go soft as I really became hopeful but as usual as I opened his new girl friends fb I saw the same very day when he had messaged me miss you , in that afternoon both of them spend the whole day together...there were lots of pics loaded of them hugging and hving fun together and they had even commented below that they really had a lovely day...He doesnt know I have assess to her gf facebook page, and obviously doesnt know I have seen all photos......actually I opned the fb just to know the truth, as I dont want to be in false hopes....but obviously once again I am shattered.....Kevin I love him a lot and it hurts to see him with other in the same way he used to be with me.....That girl is with him almost the whole day as she even works with him......even at present as I am typing this to u,,I am getting his messages where he is writing "Please talk to me"...I am in tears on reading this,,I will not reply today atleast but please please please tell me what should I do next? I dont want to loose him ...
Hi Kevin,
Last time I talked to you, almost a day later early morning I get a message from him "Miss you Bad"...I didnt reply. I wanted to go by your advice because you like a true friend asked me to not reply him again. Still his message made me go soft as I really became hopeful but as usual as I opened his new girl friends fb I saw the same very day when he had messaged me miss you , in that afternoon both of them spend the whole day together...there were lots of pics loaded of them hugging and hving fun together and they had even commented below that they really had a lovely day...He doesnt know I have assess to her gf facebook page, and obviously doesnt know I have seen all photos......actually I opned the fb just to know the truth, as I dont want to be in false hopes....but obviously once again I am shattered.....Kevin I love him a lot and it hurts to see him with other in the same way he used to be with me.....That girl is with him almost the whole day as she even works with him......even at present as I am typing this to u,,I am getting his messages where he is writing "Please talk to me"...I am in tears on reading this,,I will not reply today atleast but please please please tell me what should I do next? I dont want to loose him ...
Hi Kevin,
Last time I talked to you, almost a day later early morning I get a message from him "Miss you Bad"...I didnt reply. I wanted to go by your advice because you like a true friend asked me to not reply him again. Still his message made me go soft as I really became hopeful but as usual as I opened his new girl friends fb I saw the same very day when he had messaged me miss you , in that afternoon both of them spend the whole day together...there were lots of pics loaded of them hugging and hving fun together and they had even commented below that they really had a lovely day...He doesnt know I have assess to her gf facebook page, and obviously doesnt know I have seen all photos......actually I opned the fb just to know the truth, as I dont want to be in false hopes....but obviously once again I am shattered.....Kevin I love him a lot and it hurts to see him with other in the same way he used to be with me.....That girl is with him almost the whole day as she even works with him......even at present as I am typing this to u,,I am getting his messages where he is writing "Please talk to me"...I am in tears on reading this,,I will not reply today atleast but please please please tell me what should I do next? I dont want to loose him ...
Hi Kevin,
Last time I talked to you, almost a day later early morning I get a message from him "Miss you Bad"...I didnt reply. I wanted to go by your advice because you like a true friend asked me to not reply him again. Still his message made me go soft as I really became hopeful but as usual as I opened his new girl friends fb I saw the same very day when he had messaged me miss you , in that afternoon both of them spend the whole day together...there were lots of pics loaded of them hugging and hving fun together and they had even commented below that they really had a lovely day...He doesnt know I have assess to her gf facebook page, and obviously doesnt know I have seen all photos......actually I opned the fb just to know the truth, as I dont want to be in false hopes....but obviously once again I am shattered.....Kevin I love him a lot and it hurts to see him with other in the same way he used to be with me.....That girl is with him almost the whole day as she even works with him......even at present as I am typing this to u,,I am getting his messages where he is writing "Please talk to me"...I am in tears on reading this,,I will not reply today atleast but please please please tell me what should I do next? I dont want to loose him ...
Thank you so much for your kind words k. It means a lot to me. :)
Thank you so much for your kind words k. It means a lot to me. :)
Thank you so much for your kind words k. It means a lot to me. :)
Thanks a lot Kevin for ur quick and honest reply..May god bless u...U dont know me still u are there as a friend helping me by listening to my pain and advising me like a true friend about what should I do. Thank you..May God bless you..I dont know if you are in a committed relation with someone or not but you are a very wise man and I wish you all happiness with your love..Stay blessed! Hope one day true love returns in my life as well after all I kept my faith and was sincere throughout..once again God bless u..thanks....
Thanks a lot Kevin for ur quick and honest reply..May god bless u...U dont know me still u are there as a friend helping me by listening to my pain and advising me like a true friend about what should I do. Thank you..May God bless you..I dont know if you are in a committed relation with someone or not but you are a very wise man and I wish you all happiness with your love..Stay blessed! Hope one day true love returns in my life as well after all I kept my faith and was sincere throughout..once again God bless u..thanks....
I think you should not reply to his messages. I don't know if he is a womanizer or he is just confused, but either ways, he is making you miserable. So you should just let him go. You've waited for too long and the more you wait, the worse you will feel. I think you should at least start dating.
Hi i broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago. She broke up with me mainly because communication problem and lost of feelings. We been in a serious relationship for 2 years and been stayed together for 1 and half year. After broke up she still stayed with me and keep comforting me. But she suddenly likes one of my best friends. It happened too fast and my best friend is totally different with me. We still remain contact and meet up for at least 2 months after break up. Sometimes she will accidentally touched my hand while walking. But things changed after 2 months, she started to ignore me and said im irritating while i dont even text her everyday. But sometimes she will text me first. is this count as irritating?Im just dont know what to do.
Any advice of getting her back?
Follow the advise in the article Jacky.
Follow the advise in the article Jacky.
Hey guys, I really need some help here :(
My ex broke up with me over the phone on Saturday evening. We have been bickering a LOT lately about really small (stupid) stuff and I always seem to be the one to calmly try and sit down to talk things through. Our relationship was good in the fact that we were both kind to one another and cared about each other deeply but the bickering was getting a little tedious.
There's a LOT more to the story but here is my main question.
My ex was the one to initiate the break up. I was extremely emotional over the phone and he was just very straight faced and talked as if it really wasn't bothering him much. (Added note: he was rarely emotional in front of me).
Anyways, I did not make any contact with him on Sunday, Monday, and almost all of Tuesday. I left the gym around 9pm and when I got back to my car I noticed a text from him. "Coldplay is on iTunes Festival tonight at 10pm, you can watch it via iTunes"
A lot of emotions went through my mind. I simply replied "Thank You_______"
He then responded about 5-10 minutes later saying "Anytime. I'm sad that we cannot watch it on my AppleTV." --- I replied "Me too" and basically left it at that.
Again, lot of emotions/feelings going through my mind right now. A lot of analyzing as well.
So this morning (Wednesday 3/12/14) he texts me out of the blue saying "How was Coldplay?" -------- I responded "I didn't get to watch it. I got home from the gym around 10:30pm and went to bed. I haven't slept much lately."
He then replied "Oh. Maybe the have it to watch still." ---- and that was it........
Can someone PLEASE give me some insight here. It's killing me inside that we haven't seen or talked to one another (verbally) since Saturday's breakup. I've tried to stay strong and enforce the NC rule, but doubt myself every hour. I was shocked that he texted me but I'm starting to lose my mind trying to figure out what everything means. Does he still care? Does he want to reconcile? Can he really just flip a switch and act like friends and expect me to just be okay with everything?
Help!!!!!!! Anything will help guys :(
-D
Hey Darek,
Message him that you need some time and space right now and then apply no contact for a month. His actions probably mean that he still has feelings for you but is not sure if he wants to get back together. He definitely wants to stay in touch with you. But you need NC regardless because if you continue staying in touch with him, you are only going to be more confused.
Hey Darek,
Message him that you need some time and space right now and then apply no contact for a month. His actions probably mean that he still has feelings for you but is not sure if he wants to get back together. He definitely wants to stay in touch with you. But you need NC regardless because if you continue staying in touch with him, you are only going to be more confused.
Hi Kevin,
I have read your article. The pain or what you call the sinking feeling is still there when i think about her and the times we were together but i am engaging myself in lots of activities and meeting new people to take my mind off her and move on. The reason she told during the breakup was that "she was not interested in a relationship" as she is in her Medicine final year. But she is an angel and i want her back. My fault from my side was that i took her for granted. I stopped putting in the effort like as if i knew she was there all the time and i didnt have to bother. Im on the "No Contact" period now. How long should it be? How do i know when to make the first contact and how?
Make contact after 30 days. Use one of the texts above.
Make contact after 30 days. Use one of the texts above.
Hi Kevin
Have saved your email address to my address book so hopefully will start to receive your emails.
Have been split up now for 5 months and have given her space, eventually! She Put her emotional barriers up when thought I might go back to my wife which I wouldn't but has been hard to convince. We were together 2 years. Therefore have kept in slight touch but nothing heavy whilst divorce pending. Matter is not helped by the fact she has an 8 yr old son who she obviously doesn't want to get hurt and we were really starting to hit it off brilliant just before the split. My divorce will be granted next week but know I can't throw it at her as her barriers are still up, rather she somehow found out but all my friends are her friends and I know they would tell her I!d made a point of telling them rather then bumping into them. Any suggestions? Still devastated by the split and want to try and make no mistakes trying to get her barriers down. Love her so much. Thanks mate.
Hey Keith,
Give her time. Her barriers will come down eventually. You have the right attitude towards this, so I think you will do just fine.
Kevin. Thanks for the positive response. It will keep me going. Must admit this little to no contact is totally not me so it's been the hardest thing to do ever in my life. I'm usually the opposite. Will do anything though to get her back so thanks for your support.
All the best.
All the best.
All the best.
All the best.
Kevin. Thanks for the positive response. It will keep me going. Must admit this little to no contact is totally not me so it's been the hardest thing to do ever in my life. I'm usually the opposite. Will do anything though to get her back so thanks for your support.
Kevin. Thanks for the positive response. It will keep me going. Must admit this little to no contact is totally not me so it's been the hardest thing to do ever in my life. I'm usually the opposite. Will do anything though to get her back so thanks for your support.
Hey Keith,
Give her time. Her barriers will come down eventually. You have the right attitude towards this, so I think you will do just fine.
hi kevin,
Me and my girlfriend broke up last July . I haven't contacted her since September..that makes it 6 months of NC now. The reason was very simple: i was dumb and did a lotta stupid things out of anger and i plan on apologizing . I have been planning to meet her ever since but after reading your article i'm confused over i should meet her personally (Make it look like a coincidence like bumping into her near her college or something cause then again i don't have to be afraid of rejection and it would make it look natural too) or
whether to text/send her a letter where there is a huge possibility of NOT replying which would be very disappointing!!
Text or meet her personally? i prefer meeting her cause there is a huge chance for her to not reply for texts..but then again I'm no expert at this.
I will be 19 in the coming weeks and she is 18,.so we are pretty young and were seriously in love too cause of the 'first love' effect i guess.
Another BIG issue is that IF I'm meeting her personally then I'm thinking of doing it by July cause i have to do some make over on myself..yeah that sounds stupid but i really need that to gime some confidence. So, that would make it 11 months of NO contact for a 1.4 year long relationship. IS that too LONG? :/
Your reply will be deeply appreciated
thankyou :)
expected for the worst and the worse happened! i was waiting for her near the road side..she saw me..and her first reaction was to run..and she did exactly that..i said something like 'helo..' but she was running away already.. i didn't stop her..just stood there like a total loser...one of the embarrassing moments of my life! i thought of the 'bumping into her' rather than waiting but it wasn't that easy..she'd see me from a long way..anyway i don't think it'd have made much of a difference. i'd a handwritten letter in case if the worse happened..but..i couldn't even force her ..she dint even stop.
she was scared of me like i was some animal or something..bwaah..i think ure guna say move on..well..i think of the same too..but this was so disappointing..i lost all the good image(if i had any) in front of that girl..yuckk.
now my thought is whether i should tell a friend of hers..she solved some fights btw us one or two times when we were together...she is her friend not mine..so its better i expect the worst here too.
i don't wana have a loser image of mine in her!! i wana let her knw why i was there and that i am sorry!..help.
Wow, was the breakup really that bad? Or is she just over reacting. Either she is scared of you or she is immature and she still has feelings for you. Regardless, yes I am going to tell you to move on.
I'm moving on Kevin..thanks for your help..it helped after all. :)
listen, my final qn..should i try to tell her friend why i was there? i don't want her to think that I'm desperate enough(and i wasn't , i went only cause i believed everything happened cause of my fault) to go see her and all that shit..and I'm no longer thinking about her..she must be feeling pretty great now cause i did this and she ll be like 'oh he still likes me,I'm so special' :P i don't want her to think like that..this sounds a little childish from my part but i'd like to point out to her this.
thanks man.
I'm moving on Kevin..thanks for your help..it helped after all. :)
listen, my final qn..should i try to tell her friend why i was there? i don't want her to think that I'm desperate enough(and i wasn't , i went only cause i believed everything happened cause of my fault) to go see her and all that shit..and I'm no longer thinking about her..she must be feeling pretty great now cause i did this and she ll be like 'oh he still likes me,I'm so special' :P i don't want her to think like that..this sounds a little childish from my part but i'd like to point out to her this.
thanks man.
I'm moving on Kevin..thanks for your help..it helped after all. :)
listen, my final qn..should i try to tell her friend why i was there? i don't want her to think that I'm desperate enough(and i wasn't , i went only cause i believed everything happened cause of my fault) to go see her and all that shit..and I'm no longer thinking about her..she must be feeling pretty great now cause i did this and she ll be like 'oh he still likes me,I'm so special' :P i don't want her to think like that..this sounds a little childish from my part but i'd like to point out to her this.
thanks man.
I'm moving on Kevin..thanks for your help..it helped after all. :)
listen, my final qn..should i try to tell her friend why i was there? i don't want her to think that I'm desperate enough(and i wasn't , i went only cause i believed everything happened cause of my fault) to go see her and all that shit..and I'm no longer thinking about her..she must be feeling pretty great now cause i did this and she ll be like 'oh he still likes me,I'm so special' :P i don't want her to think like that..this sounds a little childish from my part but i'd like to point out to her this.
thanks man.
Wow, was the breakup really that bad? Or is she just over reacting. Either she is scared of you or she is immature and she still has feelings for you. Regardless, yes I am going to tell you to move on.
Wow, was the breakup really that bad? Or is she just over reacting. Either she is scared of you or she is immature and she still has feelings for you. Regardless, yes I am going to tell you to move on.
Yeah, 11 months is too long. Contact her right now. Accidentally bumping into her might work, but it's not worth waiting that much long.
hey, thanks a ton.
btw she blocked me on Facebook and whatsapp very recently, to be exact, 2 weeks ago. it felt bizarre cause i hadn't even seen her in 6 months so i could not think of any reason for this sudden blocking on social medias. chances of her having a new bf is very rare considering 'most' of her friends knew about us and i don't think she is that type of girl who is ready to jump into relationships at the first chance..she is pretty mature..i'm the immature one but still one can't be sure..
Any idea why she did that? does that mean she still has some feelings for me? even if its negative that would improve my chances right..i read that in another article of yours..
Yeah, she is thinking about you. Perhaps she checked your profile, saw that you are doing well in life, got jealous and decided to block you. It's definitely a good sign.
Hey Kevin, thanks for the reply.
I need to ask you something else now..I've to be prepared for this.
IF she isn't pleased to see me,there's no need for me to push for the apology again right? i mean..it's been 6 months..time heals everything or so they say.
i will start by apologizing ..if I'm not getting a positive response from her..idunno what to do/say ! ..that would be very disappointing :/..
but no choice.. i could message her afterwards if the 'talking face to face' goes badly but like i said she blocked me on fb,watsapp etc a few weeks ago out of the blue
Sorry if i sound needy and to bug you with all this ..but your replies and articles makes some sense and gives hope!
thank you.
Hey Christoph,
Well since meeting face to face out of the blue is your only option, you should expect the worse. I guess it's a good idea to start by apologizing if you sincerely believe that it was your mistake. But don't push for an apology. Just apologize once, then talk about being friends. Basically, use the guideline I have for the hand written letter in the article.
Hey Christoph,
Well since meeting face to face out of the blue is your only option, you should expect the worse. I guess it's a good idea to start by apologizing if you sincerely believe that it was your mistake. But don't push for an apology. Just apologize once, then talk about being friends. Basically, use the guideline I have for the hand written letter in the article.
Hey Christoph,
Well since meeting face to face out of the blue is your only option, you should expect the worse. I guess it's a good idea to start by apologizing if you sincerely believe that it was your mistake. But don't push for an apology. Just apologize once, then talk about being friends. Basically, use the guideline I have for the hand written letter in the article.
Hey Christoph,
Well since meeting face to face out of the blue is your only option, you should expect the worse. I guess it's a good idea to start by apologizing if you sincerely believe that it was your mistake. But don't push for an apology. Just apologize once, then talk about being friends. Basically, use the guideline I have for the hand written letter in the article.
Hey Christoph,
Well since meeting face to face out of the blue is your only option, you should expect the worse. I guess it's a good idea to start by apologizing if you sincerely believe that it was your mistake. But don't push for an apology. Just apologize once, then talk about being friends. Basically, use the guideline I have for the hand written letter in the article.
Hey Christoph,
Well since meeting face to face out of the blue is your only option, you should expect the worse. I guess it's a good idea to start by apologizing if you sincerely believe that it was your mistake. But don't push for an apology. Just apologize once, then talk about being friends. Basically, use the guideline I have for the hand written letter in the article.
Happy to hear a positive response from you!
Sorry to bug you again. I'm in another dilemma.
Her university exams are to start next week,mar 25 th to be exact..so..is this a good time? I'm not trying to find an excuse to postpone this,really I'm not! but i really want to get something positive from this..i don't want to create any mistakes ANYMORE...and I've been waiting for this in the past 6 months or so...if she is busy with her exams...would that be right from my part to see her now ? i mean if she is struggling with her studies..will she get even more mad if i show up?..these are the things stopping me from 'bumping into her'..
And in the latest info i got from a friend is that she got quiet mad when he asked about me ..i dunno when he asked her..and I'm not sure whether that's a good sign :/
Hey,
During exams, life is kind of boring. A text from you or meeting you might be a little more exciting for her. On the other hand, it might even make her upset that you are trying to contact her when she is extremely busy. If you want to do it during exams, I'll recommend a text instead of showing up at her place.
Hey,
During exams, life is kind of boring. A text from you or meeting you might be a little more exciting for her. On the other hand, it might even make her upset that you are trying to contact her when she is extremely busy. If you want to do it during exams, I'll recommend a text instead of showing up at her place.
Hey,
During exams, life is kind of boring. A text from you or meeting you might be a little more exciting for her. On the other hand, it might even make her upset that you are trying to contact her when she is extremely busy. If you want to do it during exams, I'll recommend a text instead of showing up at her place.
Hey,
During exams, life is kind of boring. A text from you or meeting you might be a little more exciting for her. On the other hand, it might even make her upset that you are trying to contact her when she is extremely busy. If you want to do it during exams, I'll recommend a text instead of showing up at her place.
Hey,
During exams, life is kind of boring. A text from you or meeting you might be a little more exciting for her. On the other hand, it might even make her upset that you are trying to contact her when she is extremely busy. If you want to do it during exams, I'll recommend a text instead of showing up at her place.
Hey,
During exams, life is kind of boring. A text from you or meeting you might be a little more exciting for her. On the other hand, it might even make her upset that you are trying to contact her when she is extremely busy. If you want to do it during exams, I'll recommend a text instead of showing up at her place.
Hey Kevin, thanks for the reply.
I need to ask you something else now..I've to be prepared for this.
IF she isn't pleased to see me,there's no need for me to push for the apology again right? i mean..it's been 6 months..time heals everything or so they say.
i will start by apologizing ..if I'm not getting a positive response from her..idunno what to do/say ! ..that would be very disappointing :/..
but no choice.. i could message her afterwards if the 'talking face to face' goes badly but like i said she blocked me on fb,watsapp etc a few weeks ago out of the blue
Sorry if i sound needy and to bug you with all this ..but your replies and articles makes some sense and gives hope!
thank you.
Happy to hear a positive response from you!
Sorry to bug you again. I'm in another dilemma.
Her university exams are to start next week,mar 25 th to be exact..so..is this a good time? I'm not trying to find an excuse to postpone this,really I'm not! but i really want to get something positive from this..i don't want to create any mistakes ANYMORE...and I've been waiting for this in the past 6 months or so...if she is busy with her exams...would that be right from my part to see her now ? i mean if she is struggling with her studies..will she get even more mad if i show up?..these are the things stopping me from 'bumping into her'..
And in the latest info i got from a friend is that she got quiet mad when he asked about me ..i dunno when he asked her..and I'm not sure whether that's a good sign :/
Hey Kevin, thanks for the reply.
I need to ask you something else now..I've to be prepared for this.
IF she isn't pleased to see me,there's no need for me to push for the apology again right? i mean..it's been 6 months..time heals everything or so they say.
i will start by apologizing ..if I'm not getting a positive response from her..idunno what to do/say ! ..that would be very disappointing :/..
but no choice.. i could message her afterwards if the 'talking face to face' goes badly but like i said she blocked me on fb,watsapp etc a few weeks ago out of the blue
Sorry if i sound needy and to bug you with all this ..but your replies and articles makes some sense and gives hope!
thank you.
Happy to hear a positive response from you!
Sorry to bug you again. I'm in another dilemma.
Her university exams are to start next week,mar 25 th to be exact..so..is this a good time? I'm not trying to find an excuse to postpone this,really I'm not! but i really want to get something positive from this..i don't want to create any mistakes ANYMORE...and I've been waiting for this in the past 6 months or so...if she is busy with her exams...would that be right from my part to see her now ? i mean if she is struggling with her studies..will she get even more mad if i show up?..these are the things stopping me from 'bumping into her'..
And in the latest info i got from a friend is that she got quiet mad when he asked about me ..i dunno when he asked her..and I'm not sure whether that's a good sign :/
Hey Kevin, thanks for the reply.
I need to ask you something else now..I've to be prepared for this.
IF she isn't pleased to see me,there's no need for me to push for the apology again right? i mean..it's been 6 months..time heals everything or so they say.
i will start by apologizing ..if I'm not getting a positive response from her..idunno what to do/say ! ..that would be very disappointing :/..
but no choice.. i could message her afterwards if the 'talking face to face' goes badly but like i said she blocked me on fb,watsapp etc a few weeks ago out of the blue
Sorry if i sound needy and to bug you with all this ..but your replies and articles makes some sense and gives hope!
thank you.
Happy to hear a positive response from you!
Sorry to bug you again. I'm in another dilemma.
Her university exams are to start next week,mar 25 th to be exact..so..is this a good time? I'm not trying to find an excuse to postpone this,really I'm not! but i really want to get something positive from this..i don't want to create any mistakes ANYMORE...and I've been waiting for this in the past 6 months or so...if she is busy with her exams...would that be right from my part to see her now ? i mean if she is struggling with her studies..will she get even more mad if i show up?..these are the things stopping me from 'bumping into her'..
And in the latest info i got from a friend is that she got quiet mad when he asked about me ..i dunno when he asked her..and I'm not sure whether that's a good sign :/
Hey Kevin, thanks for the reply.
I need to ask you something else now..I've to be prepared for this.
IF she isn't pleased to see me,there's no need for me to push for the apology again right? i mean..it's been 6 months..time heals everything or so they say.
i will start by apologizing ..if I'm not getting a positive response from her..idunno what to do/say ! ..that would be very disappointing :/..
but no choice.. i could message her afterwards if the 'talking face to face' goes badly but like i said she blocked me on fb,watsapp etc a few weeks ago out of the blue
Sorry if i sound needy and to bug you with all this ..but your replies and articles makes some sense and gives hope!
thank you.
Happy to hear a positive response from you!
Sorry to bug you again. I'm in another dilemma.
Her university exams are to start next week,mar 25 th to be exact..so..is this a good time? I'm not trying to find an excuse to postpone this,really I'm not! but i really want to get something positive from this..i don't want to create any mistakes ANYMORE...and I've been waiting for this in the past 6 months or so...if she is busy with her exams...would that be right from my part to see her now ? i mean if she is struggling with her studies..will she get even more mad if i show up?..these are the things stopping me from 'bumping into her'..
And in the latest info i got from a friend is that she got quiet mad when he asked about me ..i dunno when he asked her..and I'm not sure whether that's a good sign :/
Yeah, she is thinking about you. Perhaps she checked your profile, saw that you are doing well in life, got jealous and decided to block you. It's definitely a good sign.
Yeah, she is thinking about you. Perhaps she checked your profile, saw that you are doing well in life, got jealous and decided to block you. It's definitely a good sign.
Yeah, she is thinking about you. Perhaps she checked your profile, saw that you are doing well in life, got jealous and decided to block you. It's definitely a good sign.
hey, thanks a ton.
btw she blocked me on Facebook and whatsapp very recently, to be exact, 2 weeks ago. it felt bizarre cause i hadn't even seen her in 6 months so i could not think of any reason for this sudden blocking on social medias. chances of her having a new bf is very rare considering 'most' of her friends knew about us and i don't think she is that type of girl who is ready to jump into relationships at the first chance..she is pretty mature..i'm the immature one but still one can't be sure..
Any idea why she did that? does that mean she still has some feelings for me? even if its negative that would improve my chances right..i read that in another article of yours..
hey, thanks a ton.
btw she blocked me on Facebook and whatsapp very recently, to be exact, 2 weeks ago. it felt bizarre cause i hadn't even seen her in 6 months so i could not think of any reason for this sudden blocking on social medias. chances of her having a new bf is very rare considering 'most' of her friends knew about us and i don't think she is that type of girl who is ready to jump into relationships at the first chance..she is pretty mature..i'm the immature one but still one can't be sure..
Any idea why she did that? does that mean she still has some feelings for me? even if its negative that would improve my chances right..i read that in another article of yours..
expected for the worst and the worse happened! i was waiting for her near the road side..she saw me..and her first reaction was to run..and she did exactly that..i said something like 'helo..' but she was running away already.. i didn't stop her..just stood there like a total loser...one of the embarrassing moments of my life! i thought of the 'bumping into her' rather than waiting but it wasn't that easy..she'd see me from a long way..anyway i don't think it'd have made much of a difference. i'd a handwritten letter in case if the worse happened..but..i couldn't even force her ..she dint even stop.
she was scared of me like i was some animal or something..bwaah..i think ure guna say move on..well..i think of the same too..but this was so disappointing..i lost all the good image(if i had any) in front of that girl..yuckk.
now my thought is whether i should tell a friend of hers..she solved some fights btw us one or two times when we were together...she is her friend not mine..so its better i expect the worst here too.
i don't wana have a loser image of mine in her!! i wana let her knw why i was there and that i am sorry!..help.
Yeah, 11 months is too long. Contact her right now. Accidentally bumping into her might work, but it's not worth waiting that much long.
Hi,
My girlfriend of 2.5 years and I are broke up about 3 months ago. We were still living together and now she has moved to another place more convenient for work. She had a couple online emotional affairs during the last couple months of our relationship. We are best friends still and I know she still loves me...just not sure if she is in love with me. She has always said that we need the space so that she can figure stuff out for herself and have me grow up as a man. We still text each other everyday and see each other a couple times a week...what should I do???
Do no contact for a while.
I was foolish, I decided to initiate no contact today.
I found out (in a sneaky way, without her telling me directly) that she "fell in love" with someone (she falls in love easy) and slept with them but the other guy doesn't want a relationship with her. I am the only one financially and emotionally supporting her during this tough time as she is sorting stuff out in her life.
We are best friends, text everyday and hang out on the weekends. Today, I told her that I had to stop talking to her for a bit to take care of some unfinished business. She's been texting me like crazy wondering "what is it? what do you ahve to do, tell me!"
Does she still love me? Should I even bother trying to get back with her. I'm, really messed up too...
She probably still has feelings for you. Whether or not you should get back with her, is for you to decide. You're messed up, so apply no contact and get yourself together. If she continues texting you, tell her you just need space and time.
She probably still has feelings for you. Whether or not you should get back with her, is for you to decide. You're messed up, so apply no contact and get yourself together. If she continues texting you, tell her you just need space and time.
She probably still has feelings for you. Whether or not you should get back with her, is for you to decide. You're messed up, so apply no contact and get yourself together. If she continues texting you, tell her you just need space and time.
She probably still has feelings for you. Whether or not you should get back with her, is for you to decide. You're messed up, so apply no contact and get yourself together. If she continues texting you, tell her you just need space and time.
I was foolish, I decided to initiate no contact today.
I found out (in a sneaky way, without her telling me directly) that she "fell in love" with someone (she falls in love easy) and slept with them but the other guy doesn't want a relationship with her. I am the only one financially and emotionally supporting her during this tough time as she is sorting stuff out in her life.
We are best friends, text everyday and hang out on the weekends. Today, I told her that I had to stop talking to her for a bit to take care of some unfinished business. She's been texting me like crazy wondering "what is it? what do you ahve to do, tell me!"
Does she still love me? Should I even bother trying to get back with her. I'm, really messed up too...
I was foolish, I decided to initiate no contact today.
I found out (in a sneaky way, without her telling me directly) that she "fell in love" with someone (she falls in love easy) and slept with them but the other guy doesn't want a relationship with her. I am the only one financially and emotionally supporting her during this tough time as she is sorting stuff out in her life.
We are best friends, text everyday and hang out on the weekends. Today, I told her that I had to stop talking to her for a bit to take care of some unfinished business. She's been texting me like crazy wondering "what is it? what do you ahve to do, tell me!"
Does she still love me? Should I even bother trying to get back with her. I'm, really messed up too...
Do no contact for a while.
Hello,
I have a question. I will make this as short as possible.
I just left my ex again for the 3rd time. Its a 5 1/2 yr relationship. An we have a 1y/o.
First time I left, it was after 2 1/2 yrs. 1st year was long distance. The rest we lived together. Ive known him since I was little. We dated in middle an high school. We were just too young. We lost contact. 6yrs later he found me. We were friends for a year. I had a baby he didnt. We then got serious for a year. I then moved out to Houston w/him. Uprooted my life. An BAM.. I was hit w/another man.. He was a stranger. So mean to me. Always irritated. Blamed me for everything. EVERYTHING. I was in college an working. An we'd have good days. Sometimes he'd apologize. IDK what was goin on. Very withdrawn but Yet wanted me to be there all the time. I became an alcoholic. A functioning one. I was drinking away my confusion an a whole bunch of stuff. I stayed far away. Didnt want to be in his space. After a while. I couldnt take it anymore. I left. I heard from him every so often but ignoted him. I got a letter. He apologized. Like nobodys business. Told me I didnt deserve it. Etc, etc, etc.. I then went back.
Not even 6mos later I got pregnant. He was STILL treating me like shit. I told him an stated "we gotta do something here. We need to really get it together.." of coarse he replied "ok"... 4wks later. I left him again. He had done something just terrible. Out of pure spite. Oh it hurt. I went to see shrinks for almost a year in the mean time. Went through alot. I was pregnant an emotional. He treated me like shit the whole time. Just angry. Finally the baby was born. He never left my side. When she was 4mos old. We moved in together along w/my other daughter. This time I was so fresh an a year of counseling an womens groups. Religously!! Every week.. I just knew itd work. Uuh, no. Mr Douche got back on his ass hole box. So I asked again. Can we plsssssssss work on this. Can I help you w/ur issues. Nope, nope, nope.. He'd agree to get help to get me to shut up. I left after 5mos in this house. Lived together for another 7mos. Same bed. No sex. Yet he an I are stubborn as an ox. That bedtime was when we seem to be peaceful. So confused of everything. But no one is exchanging feelings. I feel he wont care an he never expresses his feelings. But it just felt right. Every night was nice. I loved it. But HATED how he treated me otherwise.
I was so damn serious about this being it. I have issues too. I got help an still maintaing it. I want to be free from garbage in my soul. However, since Ive moved into my apt. I have lost my strength. Cause I know the man struggles w/his anger. I struggle too but have been wrking on it for yrs. Learn how to diffuse, breath, be rational, think outside the box.. but I for the 1st time in MONTHS.. obcessively texted.. yes the one to run him off.. lol.. how ever, ive stopped texting. I want him back if he'll change. Just CHANGE. So after hearing most of the story.
Ive loved him for almost 20yrs. Since I was a kid. An he says "Im not takn you back.. you keep leaving!! accept it..." Seriously!? Leaving?!?!? as if I hadnt done alllll I could do.. an he cant jus step back for a sec an look at his actions. Who wants to be called names? degraded in front the kids sometimes or just condescending remarks. But get upset when I confront him. He's emotionally abusive. Has no clue of his actions. His words. I had no parents. He did growing up. Like, its almost like he wants that classic "Im the man, your the woman type relationship." I mess w/the kids an cook an do all drs appts an etc. While he jus wrks an watches ball games. I mean its so boring an.old fashioned its ridiculous.
However, Im doing the silent thing for a while. Prolly 60 days or so. Ask him out for coffee. Be respectful an ABOUT THE KIDS only in the mean time. Cause I can tell he loves the piss outta me an vice versa. But Im not going to be treated like shit an walked all over.
Is it worth saving this? Right now he's mad cause I left again. I gwt his frustration. Costs alot of money on both parts. The kids are torn from an vice versa. All I ask is help me help us. Im helping my own self by being in therapy. AND my alcoholism never turned into violence. I drank alone. He never drank. But I got emotionally/verbally assaulted. He needs help. But jeeez.. I love him.. feel for him an let him go.. With the kids.. we are frikn funny together an it feels right. But man.. his mouth is terrible.
Should I try an wrk it out in the future? When I left the 1st time. I never contacted him. He did it all. The 2nd time. Ya, I did for 9mos cause he was such an ass an I was pregnant. Hormonal!! This time, Im different. Confused. Conflicted. He needs help. I was a very troubled kid/teen/young adult.. but Ive prevailed. I did it alone an not by choice. No one thought I could. He needs help.. BAD.. HELP!!
TC
Hey Tera,
60 days is a good idea. From what you said, I don't think you should get back together unless you get a guarantee from him that he will work on his issues and get help. In fact, you should not get back together unless he has already started going to therapy and has seen some improvement. But in the end, it's your decision and I think you will make the right one after 60 days.
Hey Tera,
60 days is a good idea. From what you said, I don't think you should get back together unless you get a guarantee from him that he will work on his issues and get help. In fact, you should not get back together unless he has already started going to therapy and has seen some improvement. But in the end, it's your decision and I think you will make the right one after 60 days.
My ex and I dated for a few months and became really close. He broke up with me almost four months ago now. The reason was over texting to much and due to me assuming and being insecure or questioning things. He chose the no contact left me with no choice.I read the articles and I can say i probably made every mistake mention. During the no contact which he said he never wanted to hear from me again. He blocked my phone number. So I tried messaging through Facebook. No reply no response. A month goes by he calls me, which means he unblocked my number. We carry on through phone calls for the next week. I text him and next thing he's angry and blocks my number again. Which left me to continue to message through via fb trying to apologize and figure out why he would just block me and get angry over a mistake of a text. Another month goes by where I still do not receive a response. Out of no where i get a text from him saying, I hope you had a great birthday. I waited three days before responding to his text. I Replied saying thanks. Now this makes it the second time he unblocked me and has randomly contacted me as so.we continued to talk for the next couple days. I agreed to hangout with him. Soon as i agreed his behavior changed and he started pushing me away again. Responding with anger n hate saying i mean nothing to him and bringing up the past things he didn't like. I was trying to be cordial and make sense and push old feelings behind. It seem to make things worse. Made him more upset trying to push me away more,at that point i felt like we were off to a good start over again. Then he blocks my number again. Something happens a month goes by. I receive a random text from him. This time he showed no sign of real kindness or heart towards me. Seem like he was just trying to hurt me or see what my reaction would be. Then he mentions about going on a vacation as we planned when we were together or had talked about. He said like he wanted us to but he said if we can get along until then and not argue. So he has me feeling like were able to talk again and be friends great feeling. Next thing i know he's picking fights by bringing up things that he didn't like about me when we dated and assuming my future will be. Then decided to hangout i agree again, knowing each time i agree it never happens. Well no surprise as soon as i say ok and he talks me into it. He changes his mind. Says lets hangout tomorrow night him knowing I can't. Well I text him back saying im hungry im going out to eat and having a drink have fun have a great night. He responds with an attitude and different behavior towards me. As if im saying or doing something wrong by texting. He starts being mean in his text messages. Of course i respond back asking what just happened? Why are you treating me like this?'his response is" Go Away" leaving me wanting to solve the issue or wondering what just happen. Then he text me saying this is exactly why i left you "Go Away" Good bye" being mean saying mean names ect. NEXT THING I know he blocked me again. AND continues to call me crazy or say im crazy and move on. PKEASE give me some insight why or what this is indicating. I have never experienced anything or anyone like this. He says he don't miss me. Says he doesn't want me back. Tells me to move on but does this? I'M lost and confused can't understand it.
Next time he contacts you, don't answer. Start dating someone else. He is just going to continue this behavior and keep you hanging by a thread if you let him.
Next time he contacts you, don't answer. Start dating someone else. He is just going to continue this behavior and keep you hanging by a thread if you let him.
Hi Kevin, I am currently going through some weird emotion with my ex. For staters we were together for a short amount of time only 7 months, but we have been on and off non stop arguing the whole time. But to make a long story short we recently broke up because of some things I saw, but it's like he has a gf, but continues to text me. And everytime I ask him " don't you have a gf"? He replies no like he denies her to me. But he texted me saying that he wants to " love me", and I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that but can you help me at first I thought he was talking a about sex but he said that he wasn't I'm confused help please.
Naomi.
Hey Naomi,
Tell him you need some time and space and follow the advise in the 5 step plan.
Hey Naomi,
Tell him you need some time and space and follow the advise in the 5 step plan.
Kevin,
So I dated this girl for about a year. We really were great. We had all the ingredients for a good relationship listed in another one of your articles. We broke up suddenly, and for reasons I think could have been resolve without a breakup. I did everything you say not to do after a break up, but still somehow managed to get her back. While we were broken up, a lot of bad things happened. We hurt each other in a lot of different ways. As a result, when we did get back together, we fought about things we never fought about before. We both acted like different people. In reality, both of us were still angry and hurt over all that had happened after our breakup. She blamed the breakup totally on me and told me that she was just so angry at me for ruining what a good thing we had. After going through this for a month or so, she broke up with me again saying it was a bad time. She said she needed to be single. She said she needed time to figure her life out because she didn't know what she wanted. She told me she couldn't give me the kind of relationship I wanted because she couldn't open herself up to me like she did before after being hurt so bad. She still claims to love me and said she hoped we would be together again some day. Of course, I didn't take this very well because literally like 3 days before she said she thought things were finally getting better and that we were just as in love as we had ever been. I proceeded to make a total fool of myself and once again did everything you say not to do after a break up. After embarrassing myself multiple times I apologized for hurting her and ruining everything and said I would let her go because she deserved better than me. We haven't talked in about 3 weeks, although I did email her earlier today asking what she wanted me to do with a ring I have that belongs to her. I just found this website tonight. After 3 weeks of no contact, I still can't sleep for thinking of her, but I am getting better. I am deeply in love with her and would really like to have back what I lost, but at this point I'm thinking there may be no chance of that. I did pretty much everything that I shouldn't have done in order to have a shot at getting her back....twice. Any advice?
-Jordan
Hey Jordan,
I think you might still have a shot. And I definitely think it's worth trying at least one more time. I'd say continue no contact for one more week. Send the letter. Wait two more weeks. Then contact her using one of the texts.
Hey Jordan,
I think you might still have a shot. And I definitely think it's worth trying at least one more time. I'd say continue no contact for one more week. Send the letter. Wait two more weeks. Then contact her using one of the texts.
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. Went 17 days of no contact, but caved and sent him a text. Luckily it was positive response back from him but didn't want to push my luck, so I didn't reply. We also work together so ignoring is impossible. The other day we crossed paths and spoke briefly and he complimented my new hairstyle and said he liked it. The 2nd time we ran into each other he seemed way more comfortable around me and spoke first. The remainder of the day when we crossed paths, we would smile at each other. He even held the door open for me once. Should I continue no contact? (By the way, I did start NC over after I sent him that text, but since we work together, it's hard to ignore him without coming off as rude)
Don't start no contact all over again. If you did, make it 20 days this time. And be receptive to him if he tries to contact you. After 20 days, start contacting him.
Why 20 days?
Well, since you got a positive response from him, it might be a good idea to contact him a little sooner than waiting another 30 days.
I don't even know if I'm ready. Every interaction with us has been good and we've spoken twice now and it's been nice and cordial. He smiles at me every time we cross, but again, I'm not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to rush into anything nor do I want to give off the impression that I want to get back together (even though I do). I've been working on my confidence and self esteem since he broke up with me last month but I'm not where I wanna be yet. The reason I know that is because I feel nervous and shaky internally when I talk to him. Sometimes a short conversation is all I can do. I don't know how to fully engage yet. I mean, how do you know when you're ready?
Hey Marissa,
In that case, you should wait for as long as you think you need to be ready. You know you are ready when you are absolutely sure that even if things don't work out with your ex, you will not be devastated and you will still continue leading a happy and fulfilling life. You are ready when you have accepted the breakup and the possibility that you two might never get back together. You are ready when you feel like there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love, and even if things don't work out with your ex, you will find love again.
Hey Marissa,
In that case, you should wait for as long as you think you need to be ready. You know you are ready when you are absolutely sure that even if things don't work out with your ex, you will not be devastated and you will still continue leading a happy and fulfilling life. You are ready when you have accepted the breakup and the possibility that you two might never get back together. You are ready when you feel like there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love, and even if things don't work out with your ex, you will find love again.
Hey Marissa,
In that case, you should wait for as long as you think you need to be ready. You know you are ready when you are absolutely sure that even if things don't work out with your ex, you will not be devastated and you will still continue leading a happy and fulfilling life. You are ready when you have accepted the breakup and the possibility that you two might never get back together. You are ready when you feel like there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love, and even if things don't work out with your ex, you will find love again.
Hey Marissa,
In that case, you should wait for as long as you think you need to be ready. You know you are ready when you are absolutely sure that even if things don't work out with your ex, you will not be devastated and you will still continue leading a happy and fulfilling life. You are ready when you have accepted the breakup and the possibility that you two might never get back together. You are ready when you feel like there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love, and even if things don't work out with your ex, you will find love again.
Hey Marissa,
In that case, you should wait for as long as you think you need to be ready. You know you are ready when you are absolutely sure that even if things don't work out with your ex, you will not be devastated and you will still continue leading a happy and fulfilling life. You are ready when you have accepted the breakup and the possibility that you two might never get back together. You are ready when you feel like there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love, and even if things don't work out with your ex, you will find love again.
Hey Marissa,
In that case, you should wait for as long as you think you need to be ready. You know you are ready when you are absolutely sure that even if things don't work out with your ex, you will not be devastated and you will still continue leading a happy and fulfilling life. You are ready when you have accepted the breakup and the possibility that you two might never get back together. You are ready when you feel like there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love, and even if things don't work out with your ex, you will find love again.
I don't even know if I'm ready. Every interaction with us has been good and we've spoken twice now and it's been nice and cordial. He smiles at me every time we cross, but again, I'm not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to rush into anything nor do I want to give off the impression that I want to get back together (even though I do). I've been working on my confidence and self esteem since he broke up with me last month but I'm not where I wanna be yet. The reason I know that is because I feel nervous and shaky internally when I talk to him. Sometimes a short conversation is all I can do. I don't know how to fully engage yet. I mean, how do you know when you're ready?
I don't even know if I'm ready. Every interaction with us has been good and we've spoken twice now and it's been nice and cordial. He smiles at me every time we cross, but again, I'm not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to rush into anything nor do I want to give off the impression that I want to get back together (even though I do). I've been working on my confidence and self esteem since he broke up with me last month but I'm not where I wanna be yet. The reason I know that is because I feel nervous and shaky internally when I talk to him. Sometimes a short conversation is all I can do. I don't know how to fully engage yet. I mean, how do you know when you're ready?
I don't even know if I'm ready. Every interaction with us has been good and we've spoken twice now and it's been nice and cordial. He smiles at me every time we cross, but again, I'm not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to rush into anything nor do I want to give off the impression that I want to get back together (even though I do). I've been working on my confidence and self esteem since he broke up with me last month but I'm not where I wanna be yet. The reason I know that is because I feel nervous and shaky internally when I talk to him. Sometimes a short conversation is all I can do. I don't know how to fully engage yet. I mean, how do you know when you're ready?
I don't even know if I'm ready. Every interaction with us has been good and we've spoken twice now and it's been nice and cordial. He smiles at me every time we cross, but again, I'm not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to rush into anything nor do I want to give off the impression that I want to get back together (even though I do). I've been working on my confidence and self esteem since he broke up with me last month but I'm not where I wanna be yet. The reason I know that is because I feel nervous and shaky internally when I talk to him. Sometimes a short conversation is all I can do. I don't know how to fully engage yet. I mean, how do you know when you're ready?
Well, since you got a positive response from him, it might be a good idea to contact him a little sooner than waiting another 30 days.
Well, since you got a positive response from him, it might be a good idea to contact him a little sooner than waiting another 30 days.
Well, since you got a positive response from him, it might be a good idea to contact him a little sooner than waiting another 30 days.
Why 20 days?
Why 20 days?
Don't start no contact all over again. If you did, make it 20 days this time. And be receptive to him if he tries to contact you. After 20 days, start contacting him.
Hey kevin
I met this guy in my college...he instantly fell in love with me and literally begged me to give him a yes.
After almost half a year I fell for him too and got into a relationship.
It was the THE PERFECT relationship wth no jealousy...hardly any fights...no misunderstandings.
But then situations screwed up he didn't perform very well in his academics and things got serious at his place so he broke up with me after a year telling that he only needs to focus on his career and nothing else.
Although we've agreed on being friends and i can see that he cares a lot for me he doesn't want to get back and says he is over me...what am I supposed to do?
Please help!
Start no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
Start no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
My ex broke up with me last Oct. We'd gone out for 4 years although we broke up after the 3Rd year (initiated by me) then got back together within 5 months (initiated by me again).
Throughout the relationship my main issue I couldn't deAl with was due to religion. I thought we had no future hence broke it off. Then I missed him and we got back together. after about 6 more months , he realised that things we're not going to change as I resisted giving it a chance as i hid us from my family so he gave me an ultimatum.
I decided I couldn't deal with the religion again and we ended things. i never contacted him after that cos I knew I had hurt him and I should leave him alone. He was angry with me. We had no communication immediately but we are still FB friends. He only stopped following me on twitter which we both rarely used.
In Feb, I decided to text him happy birthday.we had a brief back and forth conversation where neither replied immediately. He told me he was moving to another country to continue studying.
In march, I was curious to see what he was up to. That's when I saw on Facebook he was in a relationship with a friend Id met before. It immediately made me upset. She is totally opposite,of me and felt like I was slapped in the face. He had moved on so soon. I don't have the heart to actually check when they posted it on fb. Already It feels too soon.
She's the same religion as me and I never thought he was big on publicly declaring however he had wanted to hid our relationship from office colleagues. she Is big on ranting on fb.
Well, clearly I missed him to start with which is why I checked his fb. It wasn't really the case that I saw him with someone else and then I missed him. But now, I wonder if
he has really moved on.
He is now in a relationship, he has moved overseas and I'm sure the girl has not gone with him. I don't have his new overseas number since we werent very friendly recently. But it seems strange to start a relationship almost immediately long distance. It has always been his,dream to study abroad and I don't think it had much to do by our break up.
It seems I have a cycle where I miss him after 5 months. I seem to have no problems doing no contact immediately but then after 5-6 months, I can't. So I wonder do I really want him back and if yes, is it a rebound that I have a shot?
I don't think you really want him back. You are just missing him. You have a very good reason to not get him back, and it's religion. Unless you can put him before your religion, you should not get back together.
I don't think you really want him back. You are just missing him. You have a very good reason to not get him back, and it's religion. Unless you can put him before your religion, you should not get back together.
hello kevin,
my ex and i have been separated since christmas 2013, i have recently accepted that its a breakup because he stopped taking my calls, and even deleted me from his BBM and when he eventually contacted me in early january, he said he had some psychological issues and that he would get in touch with me when he is sorted. i decided to stay away for a while and he called a day to valentine and we chatted as casual friends and he sent me an sms on valentine day that he has me in his thoughts but i deserved more. and that was the last sms i got from him. i have tried calling him after that but he wont take my calls so last week i decided to go off his radar and stop all avenues to communicate with him. what do you think? I have come to the realisation that he loves me as much as i love him, but he feels that he doesnt deserve me or he cannot afford to have me. i just wan him back
If he is not open for communication, you should try using the letter mentioned in the article.
If he is not open for communication, you should try using the letter mentioned in the article.
Hey Kevin my fiancé and I broke up in June of last year (2013). Since then she had 2 of what seem to be rebound relationships when she finally broke it off with the last one. Her and I got involved again, it wasn't official things were just happening. During that time I didn't approach her about getting back together because didn't want to seem as if I was rushing. Our quick reconciliation lasted for about 3 weeks.After that she began acting strange and to make the story short I found out she made it official with someone else in January . unlike the other women she was dating, she's actually exposing this one on her social media and praising her and saying how great she is and how she's so happy that she has found true love. Now my issue next to that fact that I feel my life is coming to an end, is that my ex still lives with me. I've told her she has to go as much as it kills me.she refuses to go just yet. When we first broke up she left the house for 2 months and I allowed her to come back, once again I didn't say anything about us because I didn't want her to think I was rushing to get back with her. The reason why I'm really stressing is because the person she is dating now she had known for 7 yrs.but then again my ex refers to me as the most amazing person she has ever been with. So why isn't she with me?every time I ask why we broke up she has A different response. She treats me like a complete stranger at times and is extremely cold towards me at times. And if I don't call her all day as long as she is not with her new gf she calls me or texts me. I don't know what to do anymore I'm so in love with her still and I genuinely care for her.We were together for 3 years and we were each others everything. We had trust, respect, and communication until she decided to begin hiding feelings and issues. Help me
Hey leen,
You need to apply no contact. IF you are living together, you need to apply limited contact. Tell her you need some space and she should not contact you for a while.
Dear kevin
Thank u so much, I'm just praying that i didn't mess up my chances with her being that when i found out she made it official with this new girl i panicked a bit.so i was trying to talk to her about how great we were together and try to convince her to give us another shot.but I will begin to do the no contact rule.by the way keep up to good work your website has helped me tremendously.
You're welcome Leen. I'm glad I could help. :)
You're welcome Leen. I'm glad I could help. :)
You're welcome Leen. I'm glad I could help. :)
You're welcome Leen. I'm glad I could help. :)
Dear kevin
Thank u so much, I'm just praying that i didn't mess up my chances with her being that when i found out she made it official with this new girl i panicked a bit.so i was trying to talk to her about how great we were together and try to convince her to give us another shot.but I will begin to do the no contact rule.by the way keep up to good work your website has helped me tremendously.
Dear kevin
Thank u so much, I'm just praying that i didn't mess up my chances with her being that when i found out she made it official with this new girl i panicked a bit.so i was trying to talk to her about how great we were together and try to convince her to give us another shot.but I will begin to do the no contact rule.by the way keep up to good work your website has helped me tremendously.
Hey leen,
You need to apply no contact. IF you are living together, you need to apply limited contact. Tell her you need some space and she should not contact you for a while.
I need advice. I was with my ex 6.5 years until he broke up 4 months ago. We had argued a lot, especially in the end. But he broke up saying I'm his soulmate and he still hopes we'll end up together. So I decided to try and win him back, which he was aware of and allowed. During the following months we saw each other once a week, so that he also could have the alone time he so desperately needed. Things were moving forward slowly and a month ago we went to a concert together, which he initiated an where he actually told someone I was his girlfriend. Four days later I was told by a mutual friend that he was also seeing someone else and had been doing so 2-3 times a week for 2 months! I confronted him and he got really upset and was very apologetic. He still tells me that he hopes we'll end up together, that he isn't in love with her, but that she is a part of his "process". He is still seeing her, though. I decided I didn't want to keep seeing him like before, and told him if we ever were going to end up together it was his turn to fight, even if I didn't think he ever would. He started crying and told me, that he would fight for me, but isn't ready. I had him over for dinner last week to switch old pictures. It was a lot of fun, but I kept my distance and suddenly he was very flirtatious, talking about our sexlife and how great I looked and so on. I am pretty mad at him for doing me one day and her the next. She doesn't know he has been seeing me also and is in love with him and I'm afraid he will become her boyfriend just because it's the easiest and he then doesn't have to take a look at himself. And pathetic as I apparantly am, I still want him back. But I have no idea how I should aproach this. I am not much for playing games and have been very honest the whole time. But maybe I do need some tactics now... Please help!
Well Tyne, the first thing I'll recommend you do is tell him you need some space and time and start no contact. I know there is a chance that he'll become her boyfriend during that time, but IMO it's a risk you must take. I want you to think really hard during this no contact period if you really want to be with him. You were together for 6.5 years, perhaps that's why it's hard for you to let him go even though he disrespected you. He is immature and completely confused about what he wants in life. He will continue playing with your emotions and keep dragging you along if you let him.
If after no contact, you still want him, get back in touch and go out with him a couple of times. After that, give him an ultimatum. Either he can commit or you cut him off entirely from your life and move on. And if he doesn't commit even at that time, you should move on.
Oh, were you right! We started seeing each other again a week ago since he told me he stopped seeing her. It started out casually and I thought we both needed to take it slow. But I was suspicious, so the other day as my way went past her building I checked for his bike - and it was there. He wasn't, but I told her everything. Since then I have found out that he started seeing her before we split (she didn't know) and he has promised her the world, while also seeing me and telling me I was his soulmate. She is happy I told her and even more mad than I am: she forced him to quit his job, which she helped him get. Apparantly he also had an affair 4-5 years ago while I had 24 hour shifts at my old job. I don't know who I have spent almost 7 years of my life with and it freaks me out. But I am done now - this is a degree of disrespect I couldn't even imagine and who knows what else I don't know yet. So this is my update, not as I hoped. At least I can finally move on and hopefully he'll let me go now. He told me yesterday, that he could really use my help since he decided to see a psychologist now and work on this pathologic behavior and he claims he still loves me. I think he is trying to hold on to me still. It's scary...
Damn. That sucks. Although, I am sort of glad that you found out the truth and have decided to leave him behind. Remember, there will always be a part of you that will wish he fixes his issues and you can get back with him. And he knows about that part and he will try to appeal to that part. That's why you need to cut contact with him.
Damn. That sucks. Although, I am sort of glad that you found out the truth and have decided to leave him behind. Remember, there will always be a part of you that will wish he fixes his issues and you can get back with him. And he knows about that part and he will try to appeal to that part. That's why you need to cut contact with him.
Damn. That sucks. Although, I am sort of glad that you found out the truth and have decided to leave him behind. Remember, there will always be a part of you that will wish he fixes his issues and you can get back with him. And he knows about that part and he will try to appeal to that part. That's why you need to cut contact with him.
Damn. That sucks. Although, I am sort of glad that you found out the truth and have decided to leave him behind. Remember, there will always be a part of you that will wish he fixes his issues and you can get back with him. And he knows about that part and he will try to appeal to that part. That's why you need to cut contact with him.
Oh, were you right! We started seeing each other again a week ago since he told me he stopped seeing her. It started out casually and I thought we both needed to take it slow. But I was suspicious, so the other day as my way went past her building I checked for his bike - and it was there. He wasn't, but I told her everything. Since then I have found out that he started seeing her before we split (she didn't know) and he has promised her the world, while also seeing me and telling me I was his soulmate. She is happy I told her and even more mad than I am: she forced him to quit his job, which she helped him get. Apparantly he also had an affair 4-5 years ago while I had 24 hour shifts at my old job. I don't know who I have spent almost 7 years of my life with and it freaks me out. But I am done now - this is a degree of disrespect I couldn't even imagine and who knows what else I don't know yet. So this is my update, not as I hoped. At least I can finally move on and hopefully he'll let me go now. He told me yesterday, that he could really use my help since he decided to see a psychologist now and work on this pathologic behavior and he claims he still loves me. I think he is trying to hold on to me still. It's scary...
Oh, were you right! We started seeing each other again a week ago since he told me he stopped seeing her. It started out casually and I thought we both needed to take it slow. But I was suspicious, so the other day as my way went past her building I checked for his bike - and it was there. He wasn't, but I told her everything. Since then I have found out that he started seeing her before we split (she didn't know) and he has promised her the world, while also seeing me and telling me I was his soulmate. She is happy I told her and even more mad than I am: she forced him to quit his job, which she helped him get. Apparantly he also had an affair 4-5 years ago while I had 24 hour shifts at my old job. I don't know who I have spent almost 7 years of my life with and it freaks me out. But I am done now - this is a degree of disrespect I couldn't even imagine and who knows what else I don't know yet. So this is my update, not as I hoped. At least I can finally move on and hopefully he'll let me go now. He told me yesterday, that he could really use my help since he decided to see a psychologist now and work on this pathologic behavior and he claims he still loves me. I think he is trying to hold on to me still. It's scary...
Well Tyne, the first thing I'll recommend you do is tell him you need some space and time and start no contact. I know there is a chance that he'll become her boyfriend during that time, but IMO it's a risk you must take. I want you to think really hard during this no contact period if you really want to be with him. You were together for 6.5 years, perhaps that's why it's hard for you to let him go even though he disrespected you. He is immature and completely confused about what he wants in life. He will continue playing with your emotions and keep dragging you along if you let him.
If after no contact, you still want him, get back in touch and go out with him a couple of times. After that, give him an ultimatum. Either he can commit or you cut him off entirely from your life and move on. And if he doesn't commit even at that time, you should move on.
Hey,
so my girlfriend broke up with me via text... that's right. text. we dated for almost 3 years. I told her "I hope you find somebody who will treat you like a queen and will be better for you than me." she responded with 'i want that person to be you, I've always been yours always will be." wellll found out she started dating somebody else about a month after. kid is the complete opposite of me. I haven't called or texted or anything. she has an instagram but no other social media. my sister tells me she posts pictures of them together but her profile picture isn't of them (she is one of those girls who will always have a couples profile picture.) we broke up mid December. I haven't contacted her, she hasn't contacted me except for one text she sent at the end of December that said "I saw a picture your sister posted of you, and I just wanted to let you know it made me feel sick, I just didn't want you to think I was having an easy time with this." i'm losing my frigin mind man. any advice?
Hey,
If you haven't contacted her since December, it's time to contact her now. I hope you've made some changes in your life by now, if not then start doing so. Use one of the texts in the article.
Hey,
If you haven't contacted her since December, it's time to contact her now. I hope you've made some changes in your life by now, if not then start doing so. Use one of the texts in the article.
Hello,
Thanks for the reply earlier!
I have been reading all over the internet, and I found an article that talks about how NC is a bad idea and that it will not make your EX miss you or initiate contact. They will simply think that you are moving on and that they should too. Now I am confused as to what to do. My (recent) ex told me yesterday that He does not want to be in a relationship with me or anyone right now because he hates it. And that there is a chance we will be together in the future. When I text him he does reply depending on what I texted him, and when he replies its sometimes distant. Sent him a simply neutral "Goodnight and see you in class tomorrow" because we go to the same university and have 3 classes together. He did not respond to that as I expected him not to.
So my question is,
NC or not? Some articles say yes do it do it! some say DO NOT and to keep open communication and positively so that he keeps thinking of you. ugh so confused!
Please help provide guidance if you can.
Samantha
Hey Samantha,
Different people have different opinions about no contact. The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to regain your composure and decide whether or not getting back together is a good idea. It also gives your ex some time to miss you and stop thinking of you as a needy desperate person who is always available for them. If you are worried that you might push him further away with no contact, I recommend you inform him that you need some time and space and that you won't be contacting him for a while.
Hey Samantha,
Different people have different opinions about no contact. The reason I recommend no contact is because it gives you time to regain your composure and decide whether or not getting back together is a good idea. It also gives your ex some time to miss you and stop thinking of you as a needy desperate person who is always available for them. If you are worried that you might push him further away with no contact, I recommend you inform him that you need some time and space and that you won't be contacting him for a while.
Hi Kevin,
Firstly, I have the same problem as Samantha with regards to the NC rule... But let me explain. My ex boyfriend and I dated for 2 years and a measly 6 days. We were the best of friends since high school (6 years ago). We had a long distance relationship as we studied in separate places (130km apart) however, we saw each other just about every weekend. We both changed a lot over the last few months of our relationship, things seemed to be irreparable to me so I broke it off with him on Sunday the 2nd of March (so nearly two weeks ago). We had broken up in January but only for one day. Even though I ended it, he seems to have backed off completely. We decided not to speak and after not messaging him for a day, he sent me a message saying he didn't want it to be like this. After this happened, I have (embarrassingly enough) been "that" ex who realized I may have made a mistake and tried calling, begging and pleading for another chance. This did not have the effect I had wanted. After I read your website I decided to back off a bit, but he seems to just be going partying every single night and almost forgetting about me. He said he doesn't know right now whether we are done forever but he never wants to think about me being with someone else and that he didn't want any kind of a break up but then he backs off completely. Is he trying to have the power over the situation right now? Is he maybe hurting badly and that's why he's withdrawing? Is there a chance I could salvage a chance with him?
Regards,
Jocelyn
It's hard to say what he is going through. But if I had to guess, I'll say he got put off by your begging and pleading. He realized that you will be waiting for him, he might as well enjoy the single life for a while. I think you have a good chance. Try no contact for a while and then contact him again. I think he will try to keep you around as his backup. Don't fall into the trap.
It's hard to say what he is going through. But if I had to guess, I'll say he got put off by your begging and pleading. He realized that you will be waiting for him, he might as well enjoy the single life for a while. I think you have a good chance. Try no contact for a while and then contact him again. I think he will try to keep you around as his backup. Don't fall into the trap.
My ex is a very sensitive guy. He also has a great passion for playing music (he thinks he is very good at it but still looking for a lot of approval). English is my second language, so sometimes I say things about his singing like 'yes, it is very good'...' very nice...', 'this one is not too bad...' When I said 'this one is not too bad' for the third time... (sorry this prase doesn't sound bad in my language at all), he broke up with me , saying that i am mean and killing his spirit.
Should I call and explain ? Any other suggestions?
Appreciate your help
Hey Lina,
Yes, you should explain. But don't force him to get back together. Just let him know what you meant, and apologize. End with something like "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or kill your spirit. I apologize if I did. I support you 100% and I just wanted to clear things with you."
If he doesn't want to talk to you, just send him a message and leave it at that.
Hey Lina,
Yes, you should explain. But don't force him to get back together. Just let him know what you meant, and apologize. End with something like "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or kill your spirit. I apologize if I did. I support you 100% and I just wanted to clear things with you."
If he doesn't want to talk to you, just send him a message and leave it at that.
Hi Kevin,
I have a question about my break up situation. I think I might've ruined my chances of getting her back for good, let me know if you think I can still get her back after this horrible desperate shit I did. Me and my ex fiancé were together 3.5 years when she broke up with me. She broke up with me cause she said I was too negative all the time, I stopped paying attention to her, she got scared of my temper when I tore up our apt after we got in a fight one time (I never laid a hand on her though and would never) she said I was depressed and lazy, so she broke up with me. After our break up I started working out again, started trying to improve myself, we were still friends, I was going over to her new apt and hanging out and watching movies with her and even spending the night sometimes, I even had a key to her new place. One day about two months after our break up I just showed up at her apt and she was there with another guy, one of her co workers, I flipped out, I did everything I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help it, I was a wreck. I grabbed the guy and threw him out her front door, she was screaming at me to leave and she doesn't love me anymore and we're not together she can do what she wants, I was crushed. I hated her for a good two days, I wanted to get her back for breaking my heart so I did some pretty horrible things that I regret now. I contacted her work and told them I found her with one of her hooking up with one of her co workers (they work at a bank so this is against company policy) I text her grandma and told her grandma that I caught them (I was not mean or rude to her grandma) and I messaged one of her friends on FB telling her how I caught them (her friend doesnt like this guy). Anyways that's the crazy shit I did, pretty bad huh? I know, I'm so ashamed but I was a mess at the time. She still has her job, when they contacted me back, I told them I made it all up. Do you think I can get her back after all the crazy shit I did or I have I done too much damage? Is what I did worse than cheating? Cause I know guys get their girls back after cheating all the time. I'm on day 23 of no contact right now and it's killing me, I miss her and love her so much still. What do you think?
Hey Ryan,
Damn, that was some rampage you went on. But it's understandable. I think what you did was just out of anger, and there is a chance that she might understand and forgive you. Don't forget to send her the apology letter mentioned in the article. I definitely think it's worth trying one more time.
Hey Ryan,
Damn, that was some rampage you went on. But it's understandable. I think what you did was just out of anger, and there is a chance that she might understand and forgive you. Don't forget to send her the apology letter mentioned in the article. I definitely think it's worth trying one more time.
Hi kevin
My ex an I have been together almost 10 yrs have 3 wonderful boys together well she broke up with me in June but we stayed in the same house till October she went back to her moms an I got my own place we both have the kids 50% of the time.my temper an begin lazy (which she says working 50-60 hrs a week ) an I understand that I work for my family I did my best to spend time with the the best I can we had our downs mostly the last 2 years of our relationship.once we broke up she started seeing this guy at the park right after we broke up an now he's sleeping over her mothers house while my kids are there.when we talk she tells me she misses me an she doesn't want to get back right now I just wanna know if she's in a rebound or what cuz it's hurting me inside an I wanna move on.
It's probably a rebound. Give her some time and space and meanwhile try to make some positive changes in your life. I know it's painful and I'm sorry you are in this situation, but I want you to know that everything will get better with time.
It's probably a rebound. Give her some time and space and meanwhile try to make some positive changes in your life. I know it's painful and I'm sorry you are in this situation, but I want you to know that everything will get better with time.
Hello Kevin, so It's been 40 days of NC during which he texted sometimes to ask pointless infos and changed his status on socials into depressing ones or similar. After 30 days I replied his message saying I had been busy and would have taken a short holiday soon, to which he didn't answer. I've then sent him a postcard while coming back home telling him that I would have liked to have had a trip with him like we used to. This was last week. He sent me a message some days ago asking me what I was gonna do that very night (we live far from each other so it was not a way to ask me out...) to which I replied some days later saying "I'm coming to take you" meant in a funny way, he answered via text and we had a short virtual laugh... He has not been contacting me anymore after that. Didn't let me know about the postcard, that should have been already delivered. And now he changed his status into "it sucks to be single". How do I proceed?
Thanks so much for your help, you're a god surfing through the net!
Hey,
Wait 4-5 days, then text him again. Keep in touch with him and have fun text conversations. Then ask him to meet.
Hey,
Wait 4-5 days, then text him again. Keep in touch with him and have fun text conversations. Then ask him to meet.
Hey Kevin,
I am so glad I found someone like you to give me some insight as to the problems I have been having. I live with my ex girlfriend although she recently left to stay at her parents. She broke up with me a few days after V-day but I sensed something was wrong before this happened. We have been together over 5 years and just recently moved into another place that she wanted because it has her son's school close by. I didn't want to live in the place because of the area and the quality of life I was expecting. I was a moody jerk during my time at the new place as well as the previous one and didn't realize how much my attitude was affecting her until it was too late. I had thought that I could do nothing bad enough that she wouldn't forgive me for but I was wrong. After giving me a few different reasons for the breakup I sensed that there was something she wasn't telling me. I trust her completely and I know for a fact that she is not interested in anyone else. After I kept on with my pestering, she told me that the main reason is that she doesn't love me anymore. I know I was not always happy and was downright mean at times but I don't believe her. She was staying with me after we broke up until my constant need for answers wouldn't end and I drove her to leave. Shortly before she left and all the while after, she has been very mean to me and I have never seen her like this before. She expects me to move out like yesterday but it takes time. I don't know what I should do. I was making all the breakup mistakes after with being needy, pleading and begging, etc. etc.. I pushed her farther away. I was being a doormat until I had enough and said some very mean things. I called her selfish on more than one occasion as well as a couple other things. I since realized my behavior and that I was the selfish one and this is all my fault really, cos it is. Sorry for ranting but this has been driving me crazy, like losing 30 pounds in 3 weeks crazy. I don't know if I should stay and hope she comes back and we will reconcile or give her what she wants and move out. She has her cousin on standby, ready and waiting for the bad guy to move out. I am confused as to how she really feels. Her behavior seems extreme so I highly doubt that she feels nothing for me. I did nothing too extreme for her to despise me. What do you think Kevin? Should I move out and give her what she wants and probably never see her again or should I stand my ground and hope she comes around? She has done some very hurtful things to me and I never put her through anything this painful before and I just don't understand. She deletes me off fb and every picture, every thing that has to do with me she removed. She is trying to erase me from her life and it's killing me all the while treating me like sh*t. What can I do?
Definitely move out. If you stay, you are just going to put yourself through more mental torture. Also, if you move out, it doesn't mean you can't reconcile. You actually have a better chance of reconciliation if you move out.
Definitely move out. If you stay, you are just going to put yourself through more mental torture. Also, if you move out, it doesn't mean you can't reconcile. You actually have a better chance of reconciliation if you move out.
Me & my boyfriend had been together for a year, we were very much in love & happy, & then I ended up getting pregnant. We were very excited about it but also very nervous. But decided to go through with becoming parents. Throughout my pregnancy I started to notice a change in him. He would leave me at home by myself all day, he would ignore my phone calls & wouldn't talk to me for days mind you while I was pregnant. We broke up when I was about 8 months pregnant, but he would still come around like everything was cool, because even though he would be out doing who knows what he was very excited about being a dad at the time. Then my baby was born. We got back together & everything was pretty cool for about a month. Then he started not coming around me & my daughter. He wouldn't help with her or anything. He just would ignore me & just leave by myself with my daughter. I ended up finding out the reason why he was acting like this towards me since my pregnancy was because there was another women in the picture. I felt like he basically said fuck his family, because all it seemed like he wanted to do was be with her I realized. He would still come around us & see us but didn't wanna be there full time. It broke my heart because this man was my first love, I gave him all of me. My virginity & I had his first baby, so I didn't understand why he was doing this to us. I would blow his phone us constantly & he would just ignore me all night & day. After a few months go by things didn't get any better. This past Christmas idk what had got into him but he came back to us. He begged me for my forgiveness & promised to be the man I need & want. & things were great! I was very relieved because I was so depressed & sad everyday. Now about 2 in a half months later I'm back in the same position I was in a few months back because he is still messing with the same girl & doing the same things he had been doing. Idk what to do, I need to move on but I also have a child with this person. I'm very much in love with him & idk how life is gonna be with out him in me & my daughters life. My baby is 7 months & still needs both parents. I want to be with him more than anything. What should I do? Pleaseeee help!
Hey Jaylin,
I know it's scary that you don't know what your life will be without him. But you do know what your life will be like with him. It's going to be exactly like it has been for the past 16 months. He is going to ignore you, cheat on you, disrespect you and then come back and ask for forgiveness. Then he will start doing it again. So, life is going to be a roller coaster for you. And you will have no security and stability if you decide to stay with him.
On the other hand, yes, life without him will be scary at first. But once you get used to living without him, you'll realize you don't need him to raise your daughter. You will realize that you are strong enough to be a single mother. And you will definitely meet someone who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
Hey Jaylin,
I know it's scary that you don't know what your life will be without him. But you do know what your life will be like with him. It's going to be exactly like it has been for the past 16 months. He is going to ignore you, cheat on you, disrespect you and then come back and ask for forgiveness. Then he will start doing it again. So, life is going to be a roller coaster for you. And you will have no security and stability if you decide to stay with him.
On the other hand, yes, life without him will be scary at first. But once you get used to living without him, you'll realize you don't need him to raise your daughter. You will realize that you are strong enough to be a single mother. And you will definitely meet someone who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
Me and my ex were together for 4 years. Due to lack of attention she broke up with me. She says she doesn't feel the same yet she will not let me say goodbye to her in person for good because she says it will be to hard. Is she just not wanting to let me go? And also, I had bought her a necklace that she wore for several weeks after our breakup. Is she not wearing this because she is seeing someone else and will feel bad or because it had reminded her of me to much and she is trying to let go?
The necklace could mean anything. There is no point obsessing over it. Yes, I think she does not want to let you go. If you want to get her back, follow the advise in this article.
The necklace could mean anything. There is no point obsessing over it. Yes, I think she does not want to let you go. If you want to get her back, follow the advise in this article.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend broke up with me about two months ago, he has serious insecure issues and never trusted me although I was always trying to prove to him that he could trust me, anyway he told me it's over he cannot do this anymore it's doing his head in ... I moved out in a very devastated manner, after the initial break up I would still go see him almost everyday we agreed upon a friend with benefit relationship for the time being I know that was the wrong move because at the same time I knew it was over. So I also made new guy friends with whom I chatted with and one day when I went to go see my ex he took my phone and saw I was speaking to other men he told me to leave and I'm not welcome there anymore. I was heartbroken, crying, confused because the text messages he saw were not bad at all... And I spoke to them because I felt rejected and they made me feel like a human again. I still love him deeply and I do want him back I never knew the no contact rule even existed because this has never happened to me before.. I started texting him acting all needy and desperate he never replied I must've sent over 50 messages ever since ... Then I decided to write a 7 page letter telling him everything that was worrying him in the relationship an honest letter he didn't want to read it eventually I literally had force him to read it so he did a week and a half later. I had to meet him at the house we lived in because I needed to fetch my furniture, that's when he said he read the letter but he had no emotions nothing he treated me worse than what he did before emotionally he told me to leave (without taking my things). Then I found out a week later than he was randomly seeing someone now baring in mind he never ever cheated on me in the three years we were together he showed me so much love he admired my every move he treated me like a queen, because he was so insecure I knew he wouldn't cheat on me although he thought I did! So when I found out I made the stupid mistake by phoning him and freaking out he told me if u can see other men (which I'm not doing) he can see other women. Ever since he has used the no contact rule on me I have sent more messages, the last message I sent him I told him I'm not going to run after you anymore I'm not going to act needy anymore and I'm not going to contact you anymore. After reading your no contact rule on your site I see I made a very big mistake by letting him on that I'm cutting contact I feel like fool now. I love this man dearly I gave him my whole heart and I do want him back for good but I'm afraid I may have messed things up ... Please help me I've stopped texting him since yesterday but will he miss me will he think I've forgotten all about him? I'm very confused very sad and hurt please help me!
Tash
Hey Natasha,
I don't think it's a very big mistake. I think he will miss you during no contact. Don't forget to send him a letter (or an email) as mentioned in the article. All the best.
Hey Natasha,
I don't think it's a very big mistake. I think he will miss you during no contact. Don't forget to send him a letter (or an email) as mentioned in the article. All the best.
Kevin
So here is my story.. My ex and I recently broke up about a week ago (dated 1 day short of 6 months) We got into a huge fight a 5 days or so before we broke up because she said she wanted space, i didn't talk to her for that time and i asked her if i could come over so we could talk in person. while i was over we yelled at 1 another.. She said that she no longer loved me, when I asked why she said that she "just dosen't feel about me in that way anymore".. i tried to say everything but nothing would get her to stay. When i got my cloths back the next day She gave me everything back (besides the things i bought her). She has all the pictures of us and the gifts on her instagram until yesterday when she deleted them all. I have been in no contact with her since we broke up hoping that it will work. What should I do??
Hey Austin,
Like I said in my reply over here, you need to follow the advise in the article.
Hey Austin,
Like I said in my reply over here, you need to follow the advise in the article.
Hi Kevin,
I wish I found your website sooner. I'm heartbroken and devastated. He is my first relationship, so all I really thought was that I can be open and honest in a relationship and it will work out. He broke up with me three weeks ago after being together for 1.5 years. I accused him of lying to me since he informed me that he was tired which is why he did not want to see me. Yet, I found out from one of his boys that he was with them for the night. I believed he could have told me and it would have been fine. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Mind you, this happened right before he left for his trip to another country with his boys. I continued to badger him throughout his vacation on facebook messaging finding out what went wrong. He kept saying we're not a match since I broke up with him previously and within 5 months during that break up, we started dating again. I left it be for 2 weeks and again, I asked for his forgiveness for always trying to resolve situations and that I can change by not over-analyzing everything which I know it bugs him. Possibly, we can be friends again since I still care about him. He replied indicating this decision is permanent and that I cancelled his friendship on facebook for whatever reason. He does not want it to work it out nor will he want to tell me why our relationship did not work out. He has moved on and he suggested I do so as well.
Does this situation sound as though I have 0% chance of getting him back even if I apply the no-contact rule? And that there is no way of rectifying my past mistakes?
Thank you so much.
Hey Connor,
I think you have a chance to get him back. You just need to apply no contact, agree to the breakup and then build attraction again.
Hey Connor,
I think you have a chance to get him back. You just need to apply no contact, agree to the breakup and then build attraction again.
Hi Kevin -- ADIVSE PLEASE ~ I sent my first ATB this morning…hands shaking.
ME: – Hey. There’s a replica of your old jeep parked outside of my apt. It reminded me of when you tried to teach to drive stick, and that made me smile. I hope things are good!
HIM : …..Hi. I have to admit that my heart stopped for a second when I saw your tex….Funny how that works huh? I wish I could have finished that tast w/the jeep, among many that I didnt. Im sorry youre not a Formula driver at this point. Everthing is good w/me I guess. How are you?
ME: haha. The way I was grinding those gears something tells me it would have taken many, many……many lesson. Im good, thanks! Work has been crazy. Speaking of which, running to a meeting :)
HIM: Nahhhh …you were great Im glad everthing is good and you’re doing well :)
So….whats the next step….is this good???? Hoiw long should I wait to respond?
Thanks for any input!!!
Seems good. Keep texting him every 2-3 days.
Seems good. Keep texting him every 2-3 days.
Hey Kevin,
I tried to subscribe to your newsletter but i'm not getting the confirmation email...
I checked the spam box and everywhere else.
Please help.
Hey Abe,
The confirmation email has already been sent. Please check again.
Hey Abe,
The confirmation email has already been sent. Please check again.
My boyfriend dumped me and it has been 2 months. He left me coz i was too controlling and needy. I see him everyday. Do u think nc is applicable when u have to talk and work together?
Yes, it is. I explain it in this article.
Yes, it is. I explain it in this article.
So me and my girlfriend of 8 months just broke up last week. And the reason is that I saw that she didn't spend enough time with her friends, so being the nice bf I am, I told her it would be a good idea to go out with them to catch up. One of her friends which is a girl does not like me when she never met me before, and she was in the group. The next day i noticed she was acting strange, and very distant, then the night I went home she broke up with me and said we had nothing in common, no hobbies. just when things were going good. I did my best to convince her not to do this, and how we can try new things, but she still left. The very same night her ex bf stayed over because she was not feeling good, then I find out they started dating again. She pretty much left me for her ex bf. She told me he was her first love and that he would always have her heart, she then said that they have a lot of things in common. At this point I'm an emotional wreck, I'm doing my best to not bother her anymore, and let her be. Her and her ex were dating for 8 months a year before we met. We met up so i can pick up my stuff and give her the keys to her apartment, and we talked in the parking lot about random stuff for 1hr 30m, everything seemed okay, then before she left, I gave her kisses on her cheek and that was the last time I saw her smile as she walked towards her car. On my way home she sent a text saying "Thank you for everything" Then when i got home I ordered her a surprise gift, a bracelet from Zales and had it sent to her house as something to remember me by. When she got it she said she loved it, and thanked me for it. That was a week ago, and was the the last time she wrote me, other than apologizing for hurting me a few nights ago. Me and her never had arguments or anything, I thought she was happy with me. I did so much for her, helped paid her bills, encouraged her to go back to school, was there for her when she was feeling down. So I'm completely surprised by her impulsive decision to just leave me for her ex bf. Do you think she will come back to me one day? What should I do? I'm still in love with her, and I wake up everyday looking for her goodmorning text, I feel so empty in the morning and at night. I've been taking sleeping pills that stopped working, I'm so hurt by this. Why would she do this out of no where? What should I do, and what are the chances of her coming back to me? Just yesterday she commenting on one of my facebook posts, and she's liking peoples comments on my facebook pictures, so she has to be thinking about me. I haven't wrote her at all, I'm giving her space. What do you think I should do now? I don't want to lose her. Thanks in advance.
Hey Anthony,
I do think you have a chance of getting back together. Follow the 5 step plan. However, I want you to consider the possibility that she might never come back and you have to be prepared for that. I suggest you try getting back with her just once and if it doesn't work, you concentrate on moving on.
Thanks, I'll follow the plan. Do you think my chances are good? And is 8 months together long enough for her to miss me?
I think 8 months is long enough for her to miss you. I think you have a decent chance.
I think 8 months is long enough for her to miss you. I think you have a decent chance.
I think 8 months is long enough for her to miss you. I think you have a decent chance.
I think 8 months is long enough for her to miss you. I think you have a decent chance.
Thanks, I'll follow the plan. Do you think my chances are good? And is 8 months together long enough for her to miss me?
Thanks, I'll follow the plan. Do you think my chances are good? And is 8 months together long enough for her to miss me?
Hey Anthony,
I do think you have a chance of getting back together. Follow the 5 step plan. However, I want you to consider the possibility that she might never come back and you have to be prepared for that. I suggest you try getting back with her just once and if it doesn't work, you concentrate on moving on.
Hi Kevin.
This will probably be pretty long and be alot to take in, but i need more advice on what to do..
So, me and my boyfriend only broke up almost a month ago, we were together for almost six months but had been seeing each other for a fair while before.
He's not exactly one to open up and talk about feelings or anything really but he has started opening up alot more now that we've broken up, go figure.. he said that i've made him be a more open person and a more confident person too. But he's just not in love with me is the thing. he told me that he did love me and then turned around and said that he just said it because he didn't know what else to say when i told him that i love him.
We've talked pretty much everyday since, and i live where he works which is making things difficult, but all that we've done is argue and fight and i've come to the conclusion that i've pushed him a little too far by always asking him to talk to me and i usually get pretty pissed when he doesnt reply and i send him another million texts until he replies, silly i know.. BUT, it's so hard to not talk to him when we lived together for a while so its hard to go from being around him everyday to pretty much nothing..
He has stated that he wants to sort his life out and that he needs to be alone for a while, which i am starting to respect but its still really hard. we sat down and talked about everything and he said he would talk to me and that we could be friends but he isn't doing anything to prove that whilst im trying my hardest to make friends work. He then told me after a few days that he only wants this to be his place of work and the he'll say hello from time to time but wont talk all the time so im a little confused as to why he all of a sudden changed his mind. My first thought was that he was talking to someone else already which made my blood boil. i then asked him if he was to which he denied... So my head is all over the place, i don't really know what to think or do. I'm trying to not text him all the time but it's just so hard. And considering he works where i live now as i know the people and had also previously lived here before i moved in with him so we always see each other which in my case doesn't help at all.
I've tried to tell myself to not be in the area where he comes and goes from work but like, it's my home and i just feel like i'm giving him the ability to in a way kick me out while he's here which is only 5 mins four times a day and it makes me feel uneasy about what to do. I mean, i could stay in my room but thats giving him the power to control me in my own house in a way i guess.
So, really im not sure if this NC rule is going to apply to my situation.
Though, i have thought about just staying in my room and not contacting him and not making myself known to him when he comes and goes, and ive thought that maybe in a way that would make him wonder why im not around when he comes and goes and he'll start to think like 'why?' But either way he knows im still here and i know hes still here.
so its a difficult situation really.. PLEASE HELP!!!!
Stay in your room, and even if you go out, just give him a simple hi and don't talk to him. Like I said in the article, you'll have to apply limited contact. Don't text him or call him, just treat him like an acquaintance whenever you see him.
Stay in your room, and even if you go out, just give him a simple hi and don't talk to him. Like I said in the article, you'll have to apply limited contact. Don't text him or call him, just treat him like an acquaintance whenever you see him.
hey kevin, thanks for the great article.
hope it works for me.
just wondering after the breakup,
should i immediately no contact, or should i tell her that i accept the breakup first,
getting confused with the steps,
thanks
Start no contact.
Start no contact.
Hello Kevin,
Thank you for doing such a great job I have always liked reading through your advices and they have helped me clear up some questions.
Anyway, me and my ex boyfriend broke up for about 4 1/2 months now and I initiated the break up as he was neglecting me. Right after the break up, I went out with another guy but I realised that I really wanted to be with my ex again and I went back to him. But by that time, he was already hurt and he could not trust me.
A few months went by and he was being hot and cold all the time. I tried doing the no contact rule and it worked for about 2 weeks, but I caved in and texted him and soon after we met up all the time because he lives really near me and I would find any excuse to meet him.
About 5 days ago he said that he still loves me and said that the reason why he was so cold towards me was because he tried not to think about the happy times as he wanted me to focus on my studies first and after that he would come back to me.
But a few days after when we planned to meet, he suddenly cancelled through text and was really cold to me. He said that he just wanted to move on with life and forget about the pain and forget about me. I asked if he was going to wait for my examinations to be over and he replied "I don't know, see how".
In a way I want him back but another part of me is thinking if it would make the both of us happy.
I'm going to try the no contact rule again. But in about 1 month's time he is going to a new school which means new friends, new classmates and new girl friends. I trust that he won't find someone else but I'm also afraid that will. I really really love him. Please help.
If you want, you can make no contact for only 20 days and try to contact him before he goes to the new school.
If you want, you can make no contact for only 20 days and try to contact him before he goes to the new school.
Hi my ex and I have been separated for 6mths I still love him and love having him around. He said he doesn't know what he wants and he needs time to get over all the hurt. How much time should I give him? He doesn't want to be intimate with me, he won't touch me but wants to hangout in the weekends. Is it possible he doesn't love me any more or that he's moved on?
If he says he needs time get over the hurt, then I don't think he has moved on.
If he says he needs time get over the hurt, then I don't think he has moved on.
Hi
My partner walked out on me about three weeks ago. I came home form work to find a note. We have been having a tough time financially as I was out of work for a while. This did cause arguments but it didnt stop me loving him. The last three months I have been working flat out to get the money in to get us back on track. he then started complaining that I was always tired and didnt spend enough time talking or cuddling him. I kept saying that by the end of feb we would be back on track and I can pull back on the over time. He has walked out on me fair few times before but always has come back after a week. This time he has found somewhere else to live. I have tried to talk to him rationally about things but he just shouts and screams at me and says he doesnt love me any more. He isnt the same man I met. I love him so much and I know he has his problems. I have had mine but I am currently getting counseling for them.
Should i just walk away?
Start no contact. Try to get him back using the advise in this article. If it still doesn't work, move on.
Start no contact. Try to get him back using the advise in this article. If it still doesn't work, move on.
When I met my ex I was 18 years and he was 22. We met at an event that lasted 14 days so we got to know each other a little. I've never loved someone from just looking at them. He went to play some pool but he learnt that I had a boyfriend through our conversation. From there I introduced him to my best friend. Two days later they were dating. He left town before we did for his 1st job.
Five months later he told me that he's always I loved but couldn't tell me because I had a boyfriend. We dated behind my friends back but I could stick it out. I told my best friend about it and she didn't like it. I went to university the year after that. We would plan to meet but because I didn't feel good about what I was doing, I changed numbers and we lost contact for a good 5 years.
In 2013, 5 years after shuttered communication, I received a message from him on Facebook. I know that finding me was a mission because he didn't know my surname. He loves me still but has a girlfriend of 5 years. I stopped contacting him because he'd told me that it's hard to leave his girlfriend. This year, 2014, he still wants to meet up with me. Says he knows that he will be happy with me. Apparently, he's never felt the way he does around me with other ladies.
We haven't kiss and obviously haven't made love. Are we not just curious about what could have been? I might travel a good 8 hours to go see him soon. I just want closure. Although they never had an intimate relationship with my best friend; I still can't imagine sharing stories with my friend about a relationship with her ex. The sad truth I still want to be with him. We contact each other once a month.
Hey Bolao,
It seems more of an obsession and finishing a story than love. I say go meet him and get your closure. Maybe it will work out, maybe not. Either ways, both of you will be able to close this chapter in your life
Hey Bolao,
It seems more of an obsession and finishing a story than love. I say go meet him and get your closure. Maybe it will work out, maybe not. Either ways, both of you will be able to close this chapter in your life
Hi Kevin, my ex and I broke up about 2 months ago and while I've been making positive changes in my life post breakup, there's not a day that passes by without thinking about him. Today is his nephew's birthday and it kinda torn me that I will never get to attend family events with him since we've broken up. I felt we really did share a real connection having many things planned out for the future. It all felt so real that sometimes make it hard to believe we're not together anymore. His family days like today makes it all the more unbelievable. And somehow the message that he sent previously "it just doesn't feel the same anymore...." keeps replaying in my mind every now and then even though I try not to think about it.
I can see that he is very fb active (as last time) and I try to be as well since you shared about how to use fb to get him back. But my posts are not photos of me and my friends, but more like sharing links that we would both have thought would be interesting. Still, I'm not sure if that would made him miss me because he might think I'm just trying to get his attention. I haven't text him for 2 weeks because I didn't want him thinking I'm still into him. I tried the messaging techniques after 30 days of NC and that's when he wanted to know if I've moved on, and I said yeah because I didn't wanna be an emo chick, just that I felt we did share a real connection which we might not even find with the next person in our lives (considering we had been together for 5 years and had so many plans during the rs.) But he said "it doesn't feel the same anymore.." and that's when I reframed the breakup and established the "false friendship".
After that I just texted him once a week for 2 times and I decided to stop because I know we might be meeting with mutual friends soon so I didn't want to look like I'm still into him and all. Besides, I want him to think I've moved on. But sometimes, it made me wonder despite making positive changes like getting a new hobby and injecting positive energy into me (considering I'm a very negative person), I still find myself thinking about him. I'm not sure is it because I have very few friends that's why I can't get over him while he have many friends that's why he got over it quickly and that's why he lost attraction for me when I previously felt like I had to compete for his time and eventually became needy. But I don't see how it's a friends issue because I think I've become rather independent and I can immerse myself in painting (my new hobby) that I think it doesn't matter if my friends have no time to go out because I can be happy by myself too. And even when I'm happy and contented, I still miss him.
What is your take on this?
Hey Tan,
How did it go with giving him the painting? I think if you give yourself more time, you will eventually stop missing him as well. I will also recommend that you start dating other guys if you think you are ready for it.
Hi Kevin, I have yet to give him the painting. Am only gonna meet him next week. Sort of calmed myself down for abit and decided to not think of him as my ex but to act as though he's someone whom I rejected that's why he's indifferent. Although now he did say it doesn't feel the same anymore, I felt the reason for the breakup was due to our routine dates, so routine it got boring and I became needy as he got busier with work and am always wanting to meet him. That's why he lost the feeling of wanting to chase me because he knows I'm always there. I realized the person I didn't want to be so I'm improving myself to become a better person. And that's why most of the time I feel confident to meet him again because I know it's no longer the past me. All I need is that chance to meet him next week. I can't tell what's going to happen in the future but I don't wanna lose hope. I'm just wondering as a man grows older, would he consider more of the aspects he looks for in a wife or rather go along with the flow of any feelings he might have for anyone then see whether it's worth a compromise for her to become his wife? What's your advice?
It depends if he is looking forward to starting a family or he is still unsure if he wants to settle down. Yes, as men grow older they start searching for a wife. But as they grow older, they find themselves more attracted to a girl who will be more suitable for a long term relationship as opposed to girls who are not.
Again, I think you have come a long way and you'll do just fine when you meet him. Don't over think it. Whatever happens, it'll be for the best.
Hi Kevin, should I give him the painting privately on our way home (considering that we stay quite close and have to take the same route back) or should I give it during small chats with our mutual friends? Like you know, maybe if he and I weren't engaged in the talk with our friends.
And I'm not sure how I should react when we part ways. Should I say something like "it's really nice meeting you. Bye." or just say bye. Because he can always read my eyes. If I were to say the former, he'll think I'm still into him. If I were to say the latter, he'll think I'm still emotional about the breakup. I don't know how I can part ways and subtly make him curious if I still have a thing for him. Something that would initiate the chase.
You are overthinking it. It's going to make you look needy. Just be yourself. Whatever you feel like doing at the moment, do that. Just remember, you don't need him to be happy in your life.
As for when to give the painting, it might be a good idea to do it privately (on the way back). But the other option seems fine as well. All the best.
You are overthinking it. It's going to make you look needy. Just be yourself. Whatever you feel like doing at the moment, do that. Just remember, you don't need him to be happy in your life.
As for when to give the painting, it might be a good idea to do it privately (on the way back). But the other option seems fine as well. All the best.
You are overthinking it. It's going to make you look needy. Just be yourself. Whatever you feel like doing at the moment, do that. Just remember, you don't need him to be happy in your life.
As for when to give the painting, it might be a good idea to do it privately (on the way back). But the other option seems fine as well. All the best.
You are overthinking it. It's going to make you look needy. Just be yourself. Whatever you feel like doing at the moment, do that. Just remember, you don't need him to be happy in your life.
As for when to give the painting, it might be a good idea to do it privately (on the way back). But the other option seems fine as well. All the best.
You are overthinking it. It's going to make you look needy. Just be yourself. Whatever you feel like doing at the moment, do that. Just remember, you don't need him to be happy in your life.
As for when to give the painting, it might be a good idea to do it privately (on the way back). But the other option seems fine as well. All the best.
You are overthinking it. It's going to make you look needy. Just be yourself. Whatever you feel like doing at the moment, do that. Just remember, you don't need him to be happy in your life.
As for when to give the painting, it might be a good idea to do it privately (on the way back). But the other option seems fine as well. All the best.
Hi Kevin, should I give him the painting privately on our way home (considering that we stay quite close and have to take the same route back) or should I give it during small chats with our mutual friends? Like you know, maybe if he and I weren't engaged in the talk with our friends.
And I'm not sure how I should react when we part ways. Should I say something like "it's really nice meeting you. Bye." or just say bye. Because he can always read my eyes. If I were to say the former, he'll think I'm still into him. If I were to say the latter, he'll think I'm still emotional about the breakup. I don't know how I can part ways and subtly make him curious if I still have a thing for him. Something that would initiate the chase.
Hi Kevin, should I give him the painting privately on our way home (considering that we stay quite close and have to take the same route back) or should I give it during small chats with our mutual friends? Like you know, maybe if he and I weren't engaged in the talk with our friends.
And I'm not sure how I should react when we part ways. Should I say something like "it's really nice meeting you. Bye." or just say bye. Because he can always read my eyes. If I were to say the former, he'll think I'm still into him. If I were to say the latter, he'll think I'm still emotional about the breakup. I don't know how I can part ways and subtly make him curious if I still have a thing for him. Something that would initiate the chase.
Hi Kevin, should I give him the painting privately on our way home (considering that we stay quite close and have to take the same route back) or should I give it during small chats with our mutual friends? Like you know, maybe if he and I weren't engaged in the talk with our friends.
And I'm not sure how I should react when we part ways. Should I say something like "it's really nice meeting you. Bye." or just say bye. Because he can always read my eyes. If I were to say the former, he'll think I'm still into him. If I were to say the latter, he'll think I'm still emotional about the breakup. I don't know how I can part ways and subtly make him curious if I still have a thing for him. Something that would initiate the chase.
Hi Kevin, should I give him the painting privately on our way home (considering that we stay quite close and have to take the same route back) or should I give it during small chats with our mutual friends? Like you know, maybe if he and I weren't engaged in the talk with our friends.
And I'm not sure how I should react when we part ways. Should I say something like "it's really nice meeting you. Bye." or just say bye. Because he can always read my eyes. If I were to say the former, he'll think I'm still into him. If I were to say the latter, he'll think I'm still emotional about the breakup. I don't know how I can part ways and subtly make him curious if I still have a thing for him. Something that would initiate the chase.
It depends if he is looking forward to starting a family or he is still unsure if he wants to settle down. Yes, as men grow older they start searching for a wife. But as they grow older, they find themselves more attracted to a girl who will be more suitable for a long term relationship as opposed to girls who are not.
Again, I think you have come a long way and you'll do just fine when you meet him. Don't over think it. Whatever happens, it'll be for the best.
It depends if he is looking forward to starting a family or he is still unsure if he wants to settle down. Yes, as men grow older they start searching for a wife. But as they grow older, they find themselves more attracted to a girl who will be more suitable for a long term relationship as opposed to girls who are not.
Again, I think you have come a long way and you'll do just fine when you meet him. Don't over think it. Whatever happens, it'll be for the best.
It depends if he is looking forward to starting a family or he is still unsure if he wants to settle down. Yes, as men grow older they start searching for a wife. But as they grow older, they find themselves more attracted to a girl who will be more suitable for a long term relationship as opposed to girls who are not.
Again, I think you have come a long way and you'll do just fine when you meet him. Don't over think it. Whatever happens, it'll be for the best.
Hi Kevin, I have yet to give him the painting. Am only gonna meet him next week. Sort of calmed myself down for abit and decided to not think of him as my ex but to act as though he's someone whom I rejected that's why he's indifferent. Although now he did say it doesn't feel the same anymore, I felt the reason for the breakup was due to our routine dates, so routine it got boring and I became needy as he got busier with work and am always wanting to meet him. That's why he lost the feeling of wanting to chase me because he knows I'm always there. I realized the person I didn't want to be so I'm improving myself to become a better person. And that's why most of the time I feel confident to meet him again because I know it's no longer the past me. All I need is that chance to meet him next week. I can't tell what's going to happen in the future but I don't wanna lose hope. I'm just wondering as a man grows older, would he consider more of the aspects he looks for in a wife or rather go along with the flow of any feelings he might have for anyone then see whether it's worth a compromise for her to become his wife? What's your advice?
Hi Kevin, I have yet to give him the painting. Am only gonna meet him next week. Sort of calmed myself down for abit and decided to not think of him as my ex but to act as though he's someone whom I rejected that's why he's indifferent. Although now he did say it doesn't feel the same anymore, I felt the reason for the breakup was due to our routine dates, so routine it got boring and I became needy as he got busier with work and am always wanting to meet him. That's why he lost the feeling of wanting to chase me because he knows I'm always there. I realized the person I didn't want to be so I'm improving myself to become a better person. And that's why most of the time I feel confident to meet him again because I know it's no longer the past me. All I need is that chance to meet him next week. I can't tell what's going to happen in the future but I don't wanna lose hope. I'm just wondering as a man grows older, would he consider more of the aspects he looks for in a wife or rather go along with the flow of any feelings he might have for anyone then see whether it's worth a compromise for her to become his wife? What's your advice?
Hey Kevin, I hope you can reply to my concerns above. I'm about to meet him next week with some mutual friends and I'm really nervous because these thoughts start coming to my mind. Most of the time I felt I'm ready and am confident to meet him, but when I saw pictures of him on fb, I got really nervous. I begin to wonder am I really able to not be nervous around him when he's rather indifferent (I mean the last we met, he was rather indifferent). And then came the "it really doesn't feel the same anymore.." text 2 weeks later. And even though I established the false friendship, I haven't kept up with it in case he thinks I'm still into him (considering I'm "liking" more of his fb posts and texted him weekly before that). Now I'm so nervous because it's as though I like someone who doesn't likes me.
Hey Tan,
I think you will do just fine. I want you to accept the fact that even if things don't work out with him, you will still be happy and you will still find love in your life. This is not the end of the world. There are many guys out there who will be lucky to have you. You are an amazing person and I am proud of you for coming this far.
And just for the record, I think he still likes you, despite that text. You need to stop obsessing about what happened in the past. It doesn't mean that he is still feeling the same way. Live in the moment. Stop worrying about the future and stop obsessing over the past.
Hey Tan,
I think you will do just fine. I want you to accept the fact that even if things don't work out with him, you will still be happy and you will still find love in your life. This is not the end of the world. There are many guys out there who will be lucky to have you. You are an amazing person and I am proud of you for coming this far.
And just for the record, I think he still likes you, despite that text. You need to stop obsessing about what happened in the past. It doesn't mean that he is still feeling the same way. Live in the moment. Stop worrying about the future and stop obsessing over the past.
Hey Tan,
I think you will do just fine. I want you to accept the fact that even if things don't work out with him, you will still be happy and you will still find love in your life. This is not the end of the world. There are many guys out there who will be lucky to have you. You are an amazing person and I am proud of you for coming this far.
And just for the record, I think he still likes you, despite that text. You need to stop obsessing about what happened in the past. It doesn't mean that he is still feeling the same way. Live in the moment. Stop worrying about the future and stop obsessing over the past.
Hey Tan,
How did it go with giving him the painting? I think if you give yourself more time, you will eventually stop missing him as well. I will also recommend that you start dating other guys if you think you are ready for it.
Hey Kevin, I hope you can reply to my concerns above. I'm about to meet him next week with some mutual friends and I'm really nervous because these thoughts start coming to my mind. Most of the time I felt I'm ready and am confident to meet him, but when I saw pictures of him on fb, I got really nervous. I begin to wonder am I really able to not be nervous around him when he's rather indifferent (I mean the last we met, he was rather indifferent). And then came the "it really doesn't feel the same anymore.." text 2 weeks later. And even though I established the false friendship, I haven't kept up with it in case he thinks I'm still into him (considering I'm "liking" more of his fb posts and texted him weekly before that). Now I'm so nervous because it's as though I like someone who doesn't likes me.
Arrrrrh! So here goes!!!!!! Me and my ex...where do I start??? We met when we were 13..broke up when we were 18...got back together at 20..then broke up at 25! He wen't off and had 2 children with another woman and I moved 100 miles away to start a new life and we didn't have any contact for 8 years!!! We finally made contact again last year in September and we fell back in love the very same day..we missed eachother so much over those 8 years and had many regrets. Unfortunately we were in a long distance relationship that only lasted 6 months :( He found it difficult and was having personal problems with the children and ended up having an affair with a woman from work (yeah I know... A Hole!) - So we broke up in February..I left him..didn't contact him for 2 weeks (Oh that was after I publicly hung him on Facebook, messaged the woman he was having an affair with, and sent him some VILE messages) - He pleaded with me to meet! I kept declining... then one day like a fool I had this gut feeling to drive up to his place of work..walk in and show my face then leave..then made my way to his house! But that night he ended up in a big car crash and hit a tree at 60mph per hour..escaped death! Anyway we ended up talking that night and I told him I would give it another shot..and as soon as I did this I gave him the power back! Then he turned it down, he says he needs to sort his life out, his personal and financial problems..that he will always love me, and how we should be friends whilst he is sorting his life out! But I feel like he just wants me to hang around..When we broke up before we were never able to be finds as we just find it too difficult! So after a few chats on the phone I accepted that it was over. This morning I had a weird message from him thinking I had 'blocked' him on Whatsapp (which I never) which shows how he wants me around but can't commit to anything right now. (He really is in a bad way right now, his life is falling apart and the only way he can deal with it is on his own and I get that) - So I have decided to begin the no contact rule AGAIN from today? He just knows that I will always be there..it's been 20 years! I am a fool...I want him back so badly! But it's so difficult being so far apart. Just wish I could leave him for good but I cant :(
Hey,
Give him time. Let him know you need some space and so does he to sort out his life. I think things will work out for you. All the best.
Hey,
Give him time. Let him know you need some space and so does he to sort out his life. I think things will work out for you. All the best.
Hi, so my girlfriend of 13 months broke up with me and said she didn't love me and wanted to like other guys. She says I was a good boyfriend and everything but she didn't feel the same. I asked her for another chance and to try and work it out but she said no, I talked to her the next 2 days, nothing too aggressive though. I haven't talked to her in a couple days as we are on spring break, but the problem is I know she will initiate contact when we get back to school (we go to the same college and have 2 classes together). I need to know how to respond to her and if there is any change I can make quickly and how to deal with no contact rule with her. She initiated contact 2 days after by sitting next to me and says she wants to be friends and she still cares for me as a person. How do I work these steps, and should I wait over summer (we live 6 hours apart) to ask her out formally. And if they don't come up with the idea of dating again how do you ask them? Thanks
Hey Dan,
You tell her you need some space and time for now. Then you follow the steps.
Hey Dan,
You tell her you need some space and time for now. Then you follow the steps.
My bf broke up with me a week ago... There was no contact on both sides until wednesday morning when he msg to say good luck in a job interview... further that evening he messaged to ask about the details of the interview... To all those messages i didnt reply...On friday he messaged me to tell me about things that going on in his job/workplace..I still didnt reply... Today he messages again to tell me about work opportunities in the newspaper...I Have not replied... I am confused...why is he being nice and all concerned... if he is one who wanted to end the relationship and no longer be with me? What should i do?
I’ll recommend you tell him that you need some space and time and you’ll appreciate it if he doesn’t contact you for a while.
I’ll recommend you tell him that you need some space and time and you’ll appreciate it if he doesn’t contact you for a while.
I really suck at this no contact thing. It's very hard to ignore his texts and calls, and when I do answer it's very hard to treat him like an acquaintance. We still laugh and talk like we are dating and he tells me I look pretty and that its hard not to tell me he loves me "out of habit". I told him I missed him without really thinking and he said he missed me too and he still loves me and then he had to go and said he would talk to me later. How is he supposed to miss me if I'm still around ? Help I need motivation to keep this up so he knows I'm really gone and he cant choose when he can and can't have me in his life.
I'll recommend you tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you.
I'll recommend you tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you.
Hey Kevin, please respond to me, I really need your help, really man. I never though I would have to do this, but here it goes. So, me and my girlfriend are together for almost 2.5 years. We always were like best friends, best of lovers, we had great intimacy, we got the same group of friends, our friends say we are great together and we really really loved each other, we even know each others parents. It was like a fairytale. We went to prom together, she wrote beautiful things for me. Of course, from time to time we had our arguments but not a big deal. We couldn't go to college this year like our friends, so we are still in highschool. But since mid November (when we had a huge argument and she got really hurt) things started to change I think.. She started to stop being so caring and just doesn't show me that love like before. In the Christmas time Holidays things got a lot better, like before. But after that things went downhill again. She stopped wanting to be with be and wanting to me to take her home. She is getting "cold" with me. We don't have intimacy anymore. Then, at Valentine's Day she was going to be with me and her grandpa past away unfortunately. From then on it was even worse. She didn't talk to me so often and looked very distant from me. Then like a week or two later she comes to talk to me after class and says she wants "time" for her. She said she didn't knew if she loved me anymore neither she knows what she wants. I couldn't take it. I started to cry in front of her. She said we could still be friends, hugged me, and went away. After that I didn't contact her, and the next day, after class, she said she missed me and wanted me to talk to her. I continued to not talk to her. The day after that, she was going home and I hugged her. She was almost crying, and then we kissed a lot. When I got home I recived a text from her saying "I love you stupid (heart)", I responded with I love you too. As we have many friends in common in the next week we went to 2 parties together, where in one I got very drunk and started crying and saying how I loved her so much etc.. In the other one I was pissed of because she wasn't giving me any attention. The thing is that, in almost everyday day of that "time" she wanted, we kissed. Then, one day we were together many times, we started joking around, then she went to my home and we kissed. She got home, and we started to talk. She said she wanted to continue the relationship, but I should stop being so "needy", because she wanted the time, because I was always kissing her, saying I Love You, hugging and stuff, so she felt pressured. I agreed. But the following next days were a bit strange. Some days we were very happy then in the others she was being annoyed and always bored. She continued not wanting to be with me apart from one day, and we don't text each other much now. I feel she is letting go of me all over again. I don't know why, I stopped being needy, I don't know if it's because she isn't all the time with ther friends anymore, because she really really likes them. She doensn't show me love, she has fun with other people, but seems not to enjoy being with me, she just doesn't seem to me the girl that I love or that I met 2,5 years ago. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her about this because I have the feeling she will break up with me if I do. But I miss the old days that I was so much happy with her and she with me, we had fantastic sex, we texted every second. Now I feel always sad, with ansiety, I can't eat or sleep we'll, and sometimes I just feel like crying. I have always tough that she is the kind I want to marry with someday and have kids, I would do anything for her and I want to go to the past again. What should I do Kevin? Do I talk to her? What do I do if she breaks up with me? Should I stop contacting her, even though we're in a relationship? Help me, please Kevin..
Hey,
What's the point of a relationship if you can't talk about the things that are bothering you. You said you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't share your problems with them fearing they'll break up with you. Let her know what your problem is. Make sure you are not being needy when you are communicating. If she breaks up with you, you can't really do anything. You are young, I'll recommend you try to move on and find someone you can share your problems with. I know it sucks that she changed, but she did change. And you can't change her back. Only she can. If she is unwilling to change, you should find someone who is more compatible to you.
Hey,
What's the point of a relationship if you can't talk about the things that are bothering you. You said you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't share your problems with them fearing they'll break up with you. Let her know what your problem is. Make sure you are not being needy when you are communicating. If she breaks up with you, you can't really do anything. You are young, I'll recommend you try to move on and find someone you can share your problems with. I know it sucks that she changed, but she did change. And you can't change her back. Only she can. If she is unwilling to change, you should find someone who is more compatible to you.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for your reply. The thing is, of all the points you have made about if I am ready or not, I'm aware of everything. I know that if I put all the work in getting my ex back, I may not succeed. And I know that I don't need him to be happy, nor do I think the world will end if we don't get back together. It will hurt but life will go on. I guess I am just hesitant because I don't want to rush things and make him suspicious. So far, he's been nice to me but how can I tell if he misses me or not? Anyone can act nice. He always reciprocates when I talk or text him (replying back right away) but I kinda need more than that. I just don’t know if I should continue talking to him like I should (nice and slow) or just back off for a while.
Well, I think he misses you. But if you are unsure right now, then back off for a while. I don't see any harm in waiting a little bit more.
Well, I think he misses you. But if you are unsure right now, then back off for a while. I don't see any harm in waiting a little bit more.
Hi Kevin, I read your articles and was wondering if you could give me some advice. I was with my ex for a little over a year and we have a baby together. He has 2 others from his ex as well that he never sees. When I was 7 months pregnant he told me to visit family for a few days while he works on his bike sence he's going to be gone and busy and I'll be at the house pretty much by myself. He didn't contact me or seem to want to talk to me while I was visiting family and one night at 1 am he broke up with me. I had this gut feeling to stop by his place so I did and another girl was there and didn't want to let me in. He made me leave and I had our son 3 days later premature and he's had a few serious surgerys such as open heart and some others done from being so little and he has made every excuse to why he can't be there for him while he's in the Hospital or to ask about him. He says this other girl Is just his friend but her dirty underwear and cloths were in his laundry basket along with her charger on my side of his bed. He said he was just doing laundry for her. He convinced his mom to let me stay with her sence Im new to the state and have no where else to go. He said that was so he don't lose me forever and I leave state. We got into an argument over the phone a few weeks ago because he wants me to pay his bills and I didn't and he called me a shity person and never call or text him again. He said if he wants to know anything about his son he will ask his mom but he hasn't shown any interest to ask at all. He has my car and stuff at his house and i had his mom ask if I could come get it and he said he had to pack it up but that was weeks ago and I still haven't heard anything about getting it all back. I have not contacted him like he told me not to but I still think about him everyday and have strong feelings for him and think about some how trying to work on things and be a family together even tho he's said before he doesn't want to and ones before made a comment that he wants to make sure i don't change my mind in a week or a month and be gone. I'm so confused. Have any Advise?
Hey Lindsey,
I really think you should leave him alone for at least the next 90 days and think if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person like him. I know you still have feelings for him and it's scary to raise a child on your own, but if you give it time, you will realize nothing is as scary as it seems. If you still want to get back together with him after 90 days, contact him and see if he wants to give it another shot.
Thanks Kevin, but why won't he give back or schedule a time for me to get my belongings? Why would he want it at his place taking up space?
He doesn't want you to move on. It's scary of him to think about you moving on. Even if he thinks doesn't want to be with you, it's still scary for him.
He doesn't want you to move on. It's scary of him to think about you moving on. Even if he thinks doesn't want to be with you, it's still scary for him.
He doesn't want you to move on. It's scary of him to think about you moving on. Even if he thinks doesn't want to be with you, it's still scary for him.
He doesn't want you to move on. It's scary of him to think about you moving on. Even if he thinks doesn't want to be with you, it's still scary for him.
Thanks Kevin, but why won't he give back or schedule a time for me to get my belongings? Why would he want it at his place taking up space?
Thanks Kevin, but why won't he give back or schedule a time for me to get my belongings? Why would he want it at his place taking up space?
Hey Lindsey,
I really think you should leave him alone for at least the next 90 days and think if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person like him. I know you still have feelings for him and it's scary to raise a child on your own, but if you give it time, you will realize nothing is as scary as it seems. If you still want to get back together with him after 90 days, contact him and see if he wants to give it another shot.
my ex keeps telling me he likes someone else now, i don't know if its a lie to get me to move on or not but its making me hurt and anxious that he may have someone else already.....
Ok, I don't if he's a rebound relationship or not, but he's been going out with friends in the middle of the night right after work, like past 1am, on top of it he's shown me a picture of a girl that he knew from highschool saying he like's her and things working out with her. After seeing her i kinda feel confident things won't work out, and by appearence i don't have to worry, but i'm still afraid he'll end up sleeping with her...he tends make dumb mistakes since i knew him from childhood, what should i do?
Hey T,
You have to accept the fact that he has broken up with you and technically he won't be doing anything wrong by sleeping with her. Like I said, you need to take a step back and show him that you are not needy. If you want him to start chasing you, you need to stop chasing him and start enjoying your life without him.
Hey T,
You have to accept the fact that he has broken up with you and technically he won't be doing anything wrong by sleeping with her. Like I said, you need to take a step back and show him that you are not needy. If you want him to start chasing you, you need to stop chasing him and start enjoying your life without him.
Hey T,
You have to accept the fact that he has broken up with you and technically he won't be doing anything wrong by sleeping with her. Like I said, you need to take a step back and show him that you are not needy. If you want him to start chasing you, you need to stop chasing him and start enjoying your life without him.
Ok, I don't if he's a rebound relationship or not, but he's been going out with friends in the middle of the night right after work, like past 1am, on top of it he's shown me a picture of a girl that he knew from highschool saying he like's her and things working out with her. After seeing her i kinda feel confident things won't work out, and by appearence i don't have to worry, but i'm still afraid he'll end up sleeping with her...he tends make dumb mistakes since i knew him from childhood, what should i do?
Kevin
Thomas Hernandez
Hi Kevin I found your website after me and my wife separated after 7 years. I want her
back but, I can't help to think 30 days is okay or not because we have six kids and one of them is mine the other kids are hers but I love them all like they where my own. I had to make contact with about my little girl. Well she contact me saying " hay are you going to get your little girl today" and I had to answer the text. I said yes then she said " yes what" it kept going on like that so I stopped texting. In the beginning of the text she said "I have not talked to you in some time." But like I said I stopped talking to her and have not text her back. My story is very similar to, that one story about the guy that said how him and girlfriend where not connecting any more that I was not making myself more available to her, I would be on the computer to long. That kind of stuff, she spent sometimes all day on the computer. My mental state was not good and I was wreck. It had been a week and she was going to go shoot her bow with some friends when I got to the house to pick my girl.I asked the kids where is mom hopping not to run in to her. My kids told me that she went fish with a friend instead of shooting her bow with her
friends. I still hope I have chance with her if not I know what to do.
Hey Thomas,
Sorry you are in this situation. I think it will be a good idea to tell your wife that you need some time and space and you will not be contacting her for anything other then the children. It's OK to talk to her as long as it's about the kids. Other than that, follow the plan as is.
Hey Thomas,
Sorry you are in this situation. I think it will be a good idea to tell your wife that you need some time and space and you will not be contacting her for anything other then the children. It's OK to talk to her as long as it's about the kids. Other than that, follow the plan as is.
My ex and I work together. How do I initiate no contact when I have to see and communicate with him very closely every work day?
Treat him like you would treat any other colleague. Don't have any conversation for more than 5 minutes. Be cordial, but distant.
Treat him like you would treat any other colleague. Don't have any conversation for more than 5 minutes. Be cordial, but distant.
i went straight into no contact after the breakup and it's been a year and 3 months. I am afraid to reach out but I have finally almost moved on by now. Should I contact him? (he never contacted me during no contact)
If you have almost moved on, then why not move on completely? If you really think he is worth it, then try contacting him.
If you have almost moved on, then why not move on completely? If you really think he is worth it, then try contacting him.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks so much for your website, it's really helping me with what I'm going through. I was hoping you would be able to help with my situation. My ex boyfriend and I were so in love, it was true pure love, pure happiness, however, we are both highly opinionated and stubborn so we always clashed and argued a lot, even from the start (been together 1 year). However, the good times together, laughter were magical, we really fancied each other. We always said we were worth fighting for because of our connection and good times.
However, my ex boyfriend didn't have a regular job, just a few graphic design jobs here and there, he still lived at home with his parents and he is 30. He never had any money for us to do anything together, but I didn't mind, I wanted to be with him and kept thinking all his job applications would pay off soon. Before Christmas he had an operation and he was extremely down, he took it out on me a lot. He was down with life. We always talked about travelling together, however since he has no money he always supported me going on my own, so when I found out from work I could take a couple of months off work to travel, I thought he would be happy for me. Instead he said i deserve better, I'm an amazing person, he can't give me what I want. I told him I wanted him.
We broke up 2 days before valentine's day. I did the wrong thing, begged, pleaded, lost my dignity. He did this all on Whatsapp, said we aren't working and he has too much pressure from the relationship and needs to sort his life out. He said he's in a bad place and pushed me away. He didn't even want to pick up his phone all night. Then a few days later he texted to say he saw us getting back together but this break was good for us to grow and for him to get a job and sort his life out. A few days later he said he made him mind up and to move on. Then a few days later he texted me saying he was thinking of me and missed me. I met him the next day to get my things back, the moment we hugged he broke down. He texted later to say seeing me made him realise how much he loved me, he felt crazy for pushing me away but he had to do this and hugging me felt so right. He had to see how much we loved each other by breaking up. I admit, I'm not an easy girlfriend, I'm quite demanding and can be needy, this is what he wanted me to work on as he felt pressure from our relationship, even pressure when I called. He said he's never loved a girl as much as me, is he scared of commitment? A few days later, guess what, he said he made up his mind and he wants to see if it's easier somewhere else and I should too, and if we are meant to be we will be. I said I couldn't stay in touch with him and had to cut him out, he didn't like it, was crying a lot, but I can't handle being pushed and pulled like this. It's been 10 days NC, and I've not heard anything from him. Even though I said I had to cut him out I still want him to get in touch. What should I do? I really believe in us, he's the most amazing man I've ever met, Why didn't he want to fight for us? Are we worth saving?
Hi :) I really liked the article and i wanted to try it but there is a problem. I cant do the no contact rule because we are at the same class and e hve common friends. How can i get him back??!
Hey,
Just treat him like an acquaintance. Don't have any personal conversation with him and try to avoid him as much as you can.
Hey,
Just treat him like an acquaintance. Don't have any personal conversation with him and try to avoid him as much as you can.
I have a really tough relationship and it's really putting a lot on me if someone could help me out. I have been together with my ex for a year and a half now, we always get into arguments and are breaking up, half the time because of me(which I fixed now) and the other half because of her but I'm not gonna get Into that. We have broken up again because she got me really mad one day and told her I'm done. So now we each have broken up for a few months now, she already has another boyfriend that she's been with for about 2 or 3 months now. She tells me she still loves me and she will give me a chance to prove her I changed but I can't be her friend for all that. Anyways my question is what can I do? Just loose contact with her? Or the better question is what Should I do? It doesn't make sense to me she said she loves me but has a boyfriend? Is it worth the time to wait and see what happens or should I move on? Please and thank you
Hey Josh,
Her new relationship is probably a rebound. I'll suggest you follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Josh,
Her new relationship is probably a rebound. I'll suggest you follow the 5 step plan.
What do I do about snap chat. She can see if I open it. Its not really texting. Plus I just started no contact and she's gonna be in Florida partying with 15 friends including this new guy she likes. We were together for two years. She says this guy is great and she's falling for him. To me it screamed rebound but I'm not sure. Could she forget me if she has an amazing time down there with him?
Hey Nathan,
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about her going party. The best thing for you will be to enjoy your life as well and try going out as much as you can. I don't think so she will forget you even if she has an amazing time over there. I have not used snapchat so I'm not sure how it could affect no contact. But I think it doesn't really matter if you see her messages as long as you don't contact her.
Hey Nathan,
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about her going party. The best thing for you will be to enjoy your life as well and try going out as much as you can. I don't think so she will forget you even if she has an amazing time over there. I have not used snapchat so I'm not sure how it could affect no contact. But I think it doesn't really matter if you see her messages as long as you don't contact her.
What if your ex doesnt show any of these 5 signs? What does that mean? that he doesnt want you back?
It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want you back. If they don't show these signs, it doesn't really mean anything IMO. IF they are completely indifferent about you, then that does mean they don't want you back.
It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want you back. If they don't show these signs, it doesn't really mean anything IMO. IF they are completely indifferent about you, then that does mean they don't want you back.
So my ex & I were together for 10yrs & we have children. This time I didn't go chasing after him. He got a hold of me about 2wks after he left. What got me confused was that the.Text started offwith HI BABE. after that a week passes then starts texting everyday wondering what I'm doing. So I finally met with him after 3wks of him being gone & that conversation got nowhere all he said is that he is confused & didn't know if he was coming back home. One of the text did say that he missed me & loved me & missed his family. The last time I spoke to him so girl got on the phone & said that they were going out & hung up on me. So when I called the # back he answered & said he would call back when he was able to talk because he said "this stupid b**ch is trippin" . I didn't get all call back that night so the next day I decided to change my #. What gets me angry is that he never asked for our children & hasn't seen them.........so I'm really CONFUSED HERE!!!!
Hey C,
It's a good thing you didn't chase. I hope things work out for you and he comes back. But I'll still recommend you initiate no contact for a two months and concentrate on your life. Let him know you need some time and space and you will only talk to him regarding the children and nothing else.
Hey C,
It's a good thing you didn't chase. I hope things work out for you and he comes back. But I'll still recommend you initiate no contact for a two months and concentrate on your life. Let him know you need some time and space and you will only talk to him regarding the children and nothing else.
Kevin,
I really like your article. I think my situation is a complicated one. my girl was in a long relationship with her ex and her first year in college they broke up. In my eyes this has really hurt her and she was scared to love or open up her heart again, but she did with me. I have seen a side of her I think no one has seen. we were going for a while but we really didn't put a label on it. We had or fights and break ups and got back together. When we got back together everything was great but when we started to get to close she got a little scared. later on in our relationship, we had a talk and she decided that it was best for us to stop. I tried to move on but I can't. One weekend I ignored her when i saw her out and i was just talking to her sister. A few days after that I ended up asking her to talk. we talk a little about that night and she said that by me acting like that showed her that she made the right decision. during our talk I told her how much I missed her and really opened up to her (which probably wasn't a good idea). It seems like it didn't phase her at all. the reason why we broke up was according to her, we were arguing, my friends were not being nice to her, and I am graduating so she doesn't want to do long distance. I would do anything for her. we stopped talking about 2 weeks ago. during that break she texted me needing help and i answered and the day after i asked her how her day went and we started talk but when she replied you can see she didn't want me to bother her (texting her back probably wasn't another great idea) I have read your article and i know the steps I need to take in order to try and get her back. I just feel like i am the one who always try to get us back I wanted to ask you do you think i should try and let her get us back together this time?
To me she is the one and I would do anything to get her back
Well, Even if you do get back together, you will have a tough time ahead when you have to do long distance. I'll recommend you let her go. If it's meant to be, you will get back together later in your life.
Thank you. I understand that long distance will be hard, but the thing is when I graduate i don't know where I will be. I could be close or far from her. this might sound stubborn, but i think she really does what to be with me but she is scared that something that happened in the past will happen again. But I will never let something like that happen to her. It might seem that i am being stupid with what I am saying but i am just committed. do you still believe the best thing to do it let her go?
In that case, I think you should try to get her back once. If it doesn't work, move on.
In that case, I think you should try to get her back once. If it doesn't work, move on.
In that case, I think you should try to get her back once. If it doesn't work, move on.
In that case, I think you should try to get her back once. If it doesn't work, move on.
Thank you. I understand that long distance will be hard, but the thing is when I graduate i don't know where I will be. I could be close or far from her. this might sound stubborn, but i think she really does what to be with me but she is scared that something that happened in the past will happen again. But I will never let something like that happen to her. It might seem that i am being stupid with what I am saying but i am just committed. do you still believe the best thing to do it let her go?
Thank you. I understand that long distance will be hard, but the thing is when I graduate i don't know where I will be. I could be close or far from her. this might sound stubborn, but i think she really does what to be with me but she is scared that something that happened in the past will happen again. But I will never let something like that happen to her. It might seem that i am being stupid with what I am saying but i am just committed. do you still believe the best thing to do it let her go?
Well, Even if you do get back together, you will have a tough time ahead when you have to do long distance. I'll recommend you let her go. If it's meant to be, you will get back together later in your life.
hey
so ive been dating this guy for almost 2 years
weve had 3 brake ups now.The first time he did it he said he wasnt committed wanted to enjoy life and so forth. Next day i rang asking for my things but never happened he said chuck everything out, so i gave up.Later that week i had recived prank calls just ringing and hanging up to my house phone because i wasnt working at the time. 3 weeks later he texts me asking to have his stuff back n i left it the heaps of calls n txt to my mobile asking to sort things out so i did. We went back out a month later and did it the same thing broke it off and yeh wanted to be a party life cus he said he was to young . I called the next day begging for my stuff he said no to leave him alone and get on with it. At this point i got a job he knew were i worked and pranked called sum days and even my house phone still and 20 days later he called my mobile startd txting me then i ignored all calls msgs and he showes up to my house that night asking to get closure on the relationship when he did it himself .i went back out i did 6 months later, i want to explore things im to young at this time i told him face to face its either you want me on not im sick of this i never did anything wrong towards you in anyway and asked for everything back he refused again i feel he keeps it so he can contact me. This is the third time and his still pranking both work in 2 areas and home the next day after the brake up tho i didnt call or msg him about anything.and its like after 3 weeks of no contact he comes running back what do i do it been a week already he never exchanges our items every time he does this. when i left his house i told him never to prank call my work phones and house but he still did and im just confused please help me :(
Hey Ange,
I don't think there's anything you can do. You can't have any guarantee from him that if you do get back together, he won't leave you again. I think you should cut him off from your life and try to move on. But if you do want to get back together, I'll still recommend you stay no contact for at least 2-3 months. Let him know that you need 2 months of no contact and that you will contact him after that. Tell him not to contact you during these 2 months.
Hey Ange,
I don't think there's anything you can do. You can't have any guarantee from him that if you do get back together, he won't leave you again. I think you should cut him off from your life and try to move on. But if you do want to get back together, I'll still recommend you stay no contact for at least 2-3 months. Let him know that you need 2 months of no contact and that you will contact him after that. Tell him not to contact you during these 2 months.
Hey Kevin,
Long story short, my ex girlfriend dumped me randomly (stopped having sex with me about a month before) so maybe no so randomly. Anyways I moved out of our shared apartment back to my hometown for a month, before we both decided we should be friends and roommates(so we both could save money up easily in order to move into our own separate apartments). Everything was fine and got along and hung out a lot (nothing sexual) just friends. Then starting around November/December she started acting much differently, such as a complete personality change, loss of interest in hobbies/interests, heavy drinking/staying out until early mornings, constant anger,lies and hatred towards me for no reason. It got to the point she wouldn't come back to the apartment if I was home. She works at a bar, after work she would stay out all night and into the early mornings drinking with her "new" friends, a lot of them guys. She was doing this usually six days a week (weird because she was never into a lot of drinking ), and then she started sleeping over at "guy friends" houses. So after being treated like crap by her for several months, I finally had enough and moved out and will be gone the entire summer for work/traveling.
Since then she has given me mixed signals I think. She told me when she dumped me she actually wanted to stay good friends, and she didn't want to date or have any kind of relationships with a guy for a very very long time. Fast forward to March 2014, I find out she has slept with several guys, and has been fucking a "guy friend" these past several months. They do everything a couple would do together but she just keeps saying she isn't dating. I ask what his name was just cause I was curious and she won't tell me anything and is very secretive about it. Couple days ago she sent me a bunch of books to read while I'm gone this summer, but then the next day she goes back to being really hateful and rude towards me and acting very spiteful. I'm kinda confused about her. She does nice things for me and calls/texts/facebooks sometimes and vice versa but then she will completely change and treat me like crap for several days in a row and ignores me until she responds to me again. Or how she says she wants to be friends and then will changed her mind and tell me she doesn't like me and wants a complete break from me until she is ready, but then we will get in contact again a few days later like nothing happened. I just don't understand her heavy drinking, sleeping around with guys that use her, her change in personality, and her loss of interests. Is is because she is tying to get over me or misses me, or does she actually hate me, or is this the kind of person she is now? It just seems since she started hanging out with all these new late night bar friends she has met, she has changed herself in order to fit in with them. I tried talking to her the other day on the phone asking her to please just stop with all the negativity towards me and gave her my honest opinion as her friend that she is drinking too much and that I'm upset she is letting guys use her, I think that really made her mad because she is back to ignoring me again. The weird thing is she hasn't unfriended or blocked me yet on facebook and I feel with all this anger/hatred she has towards me she would have done this already. So hopefully you can tell me what the hell is going on haha
I hope all this made sense.
thanks
Hey John,
It's hard to tell what's causing this confused behavior. But I am pretty sure she still has feelings from you and she might even be having a hard time getting over you. I think the best thing you can do right now is start no contact. Give her some time to deal with her anger and confusion.
Hey John,
It's hard to tell what's causing this confused behavior. But I am pretty sure she still has feelings from you and she might even be having a hard time getting over you. I think the best thing you can do right now is start no contact. Give her some time to deal with her anger and confusion.
Hey Kevin,
I read your article and I really liked what you wrote! I'd like to talk to you a little bit about my background story. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and 8 months (it happened last night). We were both so much in love and our personalities matched very well ( we liked to lay around and play video games/watch chopped all of the time). Here is where it goes downhill...I am currently battling alcoholism. I am 7 days sober and in treatment and this is the reason for us breaking up. He told me he could not deal with the emotional heartache it gave him. Because of the whole alcoholism issue a lot of trust has been lost. I need advice here. Can your advice work for me?
Kristin
Yes, it will work for you. I am proud of you for taking control of your life and becoming sober. :)
Yes, it will work for you. I am proud of you for taking control of your life and becoming sober. :)
I acted needy. He said we were fighting too much. He said he thought it best if we became friends before we hated each other. Every other breakup was fierce passionate anger. This time he was cold and distant. I may have said something that really hurt his pride (i mentioned a midlife crisis). I am so scared this time.... he seemed indifferent. He usually has a short grudge process with me ( we are extraordinarily sexually intune) so he always finds his way back. And I to him. We have forgiven each other everything to be with eachother again. Now I am afraid. So afraid he is not ever coming back. I texted a couple times the next day but he never answered and I promised I would never text again. And I wont I am good with it. What do I do now? I usually hear from him after two weeks. I am not there yet it has only been a week....but if three go by and nothing I am afraid I will not be able to handle it. I got a new hairdo... I hit the gym always..I am hanging with friends. I just keep worrying. :( what do I do now?? just wait? and for how long? i do not think 30 days is enough if he does not call me in that time. thanks.
Hey moi,
If he doesn't contact you in 30 days, use the letter mentioned in this article.
Hey moi,
If he doesn't contact you in 30 days, use the letter mentioned in this article.
Hey Kevin
I sent a question last week but got an answer back! is this blog even legit?
Hey vani,
I never got a comment from you. I get a lot of spam comments on this blog so maybe your comment was marked as spam by mistake.
Hey vani,
I never got a comment from you. I get a lot of spam comments on this blog so maybe your comment was marked as spam by mistake.
Hi Kevin,
I am nearing the end of the no-contact period between myself and my ex-girlfriend. I am going to plan out the hand-written letter like you mention and drop that off once I feel happy enough that the letter is thorough.
My concern is that she won't reply. My ex has gone completely cold and almost disappeared off the face of the planet it seems - she has even managed to "move on" and begin seeing someone. All the while, I have been working on myself and feel a million times better now that some time has passed since the break up.
Do I begin to admit to myself that I may never get her back if she keeps distancing herself from me completely if she doesn't reply to the letter? or simply let the universe do its' thing and if I see her, on the odd occasion, hope my new found self-confidence will be enough to initiate some sort of communication?
Cheers,
Will.
Hey Will,
If she doesn't reply to the letter, you should wait another two weeks and try contacting her using a text message. If you still don't get a reply, then you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Will,
If she doesn't reply to the letter, you should wait another two weeks and try contacting her using a text message. If you still don't get a reply, then you should concentrate on moving on.
I tried all these steps before and I should say that they actually work. My (now) ex-bf broke up last October. Our relationship started us good friends though when we met, it was very clear that we were very attracted to each other. We are very good friends (up to this point I think). We talked about not being in a relationship because he moved and we would be doing a long distance relationship if we decided to move forward. After months of talking, we decided to be bf-gf. And then things changed for him. He started to freak out and he told me he was not ready for a serious relationship, that I deserve someone better, that he loves me but he is unsure (you know, like the common blabber). I agreed on the break up and I followed everything on this plan. I did that no contact thing for 3 months, I enjoyed my life and I went out on multiple dates.
I must admit it was difficult and I missed him so after 3 months, I sent him a text message. I told him I need to talk to him about something. I wanted a clear closure for both of us. My plan of talking to him was to really tell him he was right about the fact that yes, I deserve someone better. But things didn't work out as planned.
He said he missed me. He was wondering how I was doing. He said he didn't call or text me because he was scared that I'll nag at him or I'll just ignore him. And then after 1 month of talking again, we decided to try again. We are very open about our feelings. We trust each other. We talk almost anything. We say we love each other. We were talking about the future.
And then when everything seems right, he decided to say the same blabber. He said he was not ready. He was wondering why do we get along so easily (he even wondered if it was platonic) and he was not 100% about us (he is on 95% ). He said our relationship is something new to him and he is scared to dip into it. He doesn't like change that much and being with me is totally life changing.
Now....I am very confused! What should I do about him? Is it time to leave him alone for good? Should I wait for him and hope that he'll realize what's he's missing? He kept saying he never understands why I understand him so well. Is he just scared? Please help!!
He's scared and or playing a game. I've been there before and even had it happen to me. You may want to think long and hard before getting back in a relationship with him.
Hey Laura,
It seems he is just scared. It's for you to decide whether you should move on or try to get him back once again. But whatever you decide, I'll recommend you do no contact again for at least 3 months.
He's scared and or playing a game. I've been there before and even had it happen to me. You may want to think long and hard before getting back in a relationship with him.
Hey Laura,
It seems he is just scared. It's for you to decide whether you should move on or try to get him back once again. But whatever you decide, I'll recommend you do no contact again for at least 3 months.
Hi, I need some advice. I went in a relationship with my best friend. He supposedly left his ex-girlfriend for me, and we both had feelings for eachother. I told him earlier on, and things disintegrated and I finally ended it. He messaged me days later and admitted his feelings for me. Though I had equally strong feelings, I made him wait one month before I officially said I would be his girlfriend. After that, it seemed like he stopped trying, we talked less, work came in between and we were slightly rocky. After two weeks of an 'official relationship' we got in a big fight, after I got upset that our meeting was stuffed up for like the third or fourth time and things weren't as smooth and happy as they were in the beginning. He was careless about it and so in anger I said to leave, and he took it seriously and did, even though I didn't mean it. I tried to reconcile but he was and still is being stubborn and angry. But I still love him and I'm sure he still does too. I'm confused whether I should be trying to get him back or using the no contact rule. And have been interchanging between them two. I honestly don't know what to do, I just want him back. What do you recommend I do?
Hello:
my gf and i were together for 2 years and it was a real relationship we were planning for our future ,i messed up by asking her mom to take her daughter out she's muslim and am christians as u know that muslim girls are not allowed to date except muslim guys.Her parents forced her to leave me, and that's what she did she was dead without me lost i kept nagging and telling her that she s doing a mistake leaving me i begged her for one month i even talked to her mom and told her that we are deeply in love and we can t live without each other and i m doing my best to make her parents proud and she rejected me.and now she's not allowed to talk to me anymore and now i ve been doing the no contact rule for almost 2 weeks i keep seeing her at uni she's somehow lonely and desperate her last message was "i'll do what ever it takes to move on even if i want to stay single my whole life."...
Tell me now plz tell me what to do !
Hey,
I answered your comment here.
Hey,
I answered your comment here.
Hey,
I answered your comment here.
You broke up with him and your doing the 'no contact' rule , do you realise that it's ment to be for the other way round and you could just be no contacting each other
Follow the 5 step plan.
I've been following it, but what if he doesn't come back?
Then you move on.
Then you move on.
Then you move on.
Then you move on.
I've been following it, but what if he doesn't come back?
I've been following it, but what if he doesn't come back?
Hello:
my gf and i were together for 2 years and it was a real relationship we were planning for our future ,i messed up by asking her mom to take her daughter out she's muslim and am christians as u know that muslim girls are not allowed to date except muslim guys.Her parents forced her to leave me, and that's what she did she was dead without me lost i kept nagging and telling her that she s doing a mistake leaving me i begged her for one month i even talked to her mom and told her that we are deeply in love and we can t live without each other and i m doing my best to make her parents proud and she rejected me.and now she's not allowed to talk to me anymore and now i ve been doing the no contact rule for almost 2 weeks i keep seeing her at uni she's somehow lonely and desperate her last message was "i'll do what ever it takes to move on even if i want to stay single my whole life."...
Tell me now plz tell me what to do !
You broke up with him and your doing the 'no contact' rule , do you realise that it's ment to be for the other way round and you could just be no contacting each other
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin
Thanks so much for the website. It's so amazing. I hope you can help me with my situation. My boyfriend (24) broke up with me (22) this January, just few days after our first anniversary. He's my real first love (I've only been in relationship once before and it only lasted for 1,5 months) and I'm his real first love (he's only been in relationship once before and it only lasted for 3 weeks). The break up needs to be done because it has been too much pressure lately between us which led to the break up. There was no domestic violence or infidelity in the relationship. Basically just us not being able to handle problems maturely and properly especially me.
I know he still loves me very much and he knows I still love him very much. We are open to the possibility of getting back together in the future even though we don't know what the chances are. We also lost virginity to each other so it makes us clingy to each other. Since we broke up in January, we have done all of the mistakes by staying in contact every single day, still showing affection to each other, having dates to each other as if we were still together but all of those don't make things better, they prolong the pain from the break up and also cause more arguments and fights because I feel he doesn't want to let me go but he told me he needs to get his life on track first before getting back together and he wants my life to get back on track too.
So today we had a big argument and he couldn't handle it anymore and we decided we'll be in no contact relationship for a while until we both recover. Knowing him well he's not flirtatious type of guy and I know he won't be in a rebound relationship because he's the kind of guy who would rather be single than to be in relationship just for the sake of it and he told me million of times that he's never interested in doing rebound. He also told me he's unsure if I can change (it's mostly my fault of not being able to handle issues maturely which led to the break up) and he told me for the time being he can no longer see the future with me. I hope that he just said it because he was very upset that we just fought again and I hope later on he realizes that there is still future between us.
I'm so confused right now. My ex told me he has given his heart to me forever and he has no interest whatsoever to be with anyone else. When he saw me few days ago he gave me a really big hug and didn't want to let me go. He also looked at me in the eyes for few seconds and he almost cried. But it seems that right now he's angry towards me and told me to leave him alone for a while to recover. I'm scared that the dreams we had built together will never come true. I have given my heart to him forever too but I don't want to keep begging because he told me that the more I do it the more I push him away. Do you think there's any chance whatsoever for us to get back together? or do you think he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore? Because he told me when he was very upset that he just wants to be single indefinitely. Please help me and sorry if it's long one. Thank you so much
Hey V,
I think you have a pretty good chance of getting back together. You did the right thing by initiating no contact. Give him some time and use this time to make some positive changes in your life.
Hey V,
I think you have a pretty good chance of getting back together. You did the right thing by initiating no contact. Give him some time and use this time to make some positive changes in your life.
Hey kev,
I was in love with this girl.. Who of course had guys behind her. Every single guy wanted to be her soul mate. But some how she fell for me and we were in relation for about 3 months. Dated about two times. The problem is that she broke up with me after this three months. Telling she cant adjust with me as I am 11 months younger to her and now she is in a relation with a new guy whom her parents will also like and she loves him alot and will marry him, and she also told me doesnt love me any more and dont expect her again.
And so far I dont think her new reltation is a rebound reltn. So, now I want you to tell me, how to get her back..!
Since you and her were not together for very long time, it's hard to say if her new relationship is a rebound. Regardless, you can try getting her back using the 5 step plan and if it doesn't work, move on.
Since you and her were not together for very long time, it's hard to say if her new relationship is a rebound. Regardless, you can try getting her back using the 5 step plan and if it doesn't work, move on.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks so much for your guide...it is helping to give me hope during this hard time. One question for you, but first some back story. My ex and I were together for 8 months, although it felt like much longer with how much time we spent together. That was always an issue, I just never realized how significant. He'd tell me he wanted more independence, more "me" time and I thought the changes I made were enough for him.
We only had 2 fights the entire course of our relationship. I breached the conversation of at our year mark living together (we are both in our upper 20's and were spending most nights together, and had been moving at a fast pace and it didn't seem that unreasonable at the time). He's lived with an ex before and it didn't work out, so he freaked saying he wasn't ready and led to an argument. Ultimately I had said I was fine with him not being ready, that I didn't need to know when he would be, and I thought we moved on. He came to me with changes he wanted to make in our relationship making it so we were not living together without officially living together anymore. I reacted emotionally (not with anger just tears-I'm emotional) because I thought he was taking a step a back...he said he wasn't and ultimately we decided to try it out.
The lasted for about a week when we had an argument over the phone and he let out that we had become a stress for him and he felt my happiness was dependent on him. A few days later we discussed and he said over and over that he loved me but we had become a stress for him and he didn't want to date a reflection of himself which is what I had become. We talked it about I admitted he was right and started taking all these steps to get back to being who I was, but he only gave it a week before ending it. I had NO idea before that conversation that he felt any of this. I had been convinced, and still am that our connection and the core of our relationship was strong enough to make it through anything.
The worst part is, he's right I did lose myself, and I am still following through with all the steps to get myself back, but my issue, is in losing myself and falling head over heels in love for the first time I stopped living in the moment and started only looking for the next step next step next step because I was so excited about where we are going. That led him to think we were on completely different pages and that he couldn't give me what I needed (someone to be with everyday and a fast path to engaged married etc). I realize now that I have some clarity that I don't want that type of a relationship either, I want a relationship where we both have our own lives because I don't want to lose mine. I also realized I am not ready for those next steps right now I am just happy being in love.
I want him to know (before we meet in a month or so- which we discussed doing while breaking up since we are both still so in love) that I've come to this realization that I am not ready for what he thinks I want/need. That person who gave him those indications was the one who lost herself, not really me, and that we are on the same timeline page. How do I tell him/get that message across. He is not one to respond well to letters/calls- he's a big texter, but you say keeps texts light and breezy so I am not sure the best way to approach it.
Hey Patty,
I think you should follow the plan. Keep no contact for about 2-3 weeks. Then get back in touch with him. When you contact him, don't talk about both of you being on the same timeline straight away. It will seem like you are saying whatever it takes just to get him back. Have some other fun conversations with him. Meet him a couple of times. Then bring up this topic of where you are at.
Thanks for answering Kevin!
Last question..he said as we were ending it that he didn't me out of his life, he would love to keep in touch and see where we are both at in a month, but he didn't want to make me any promises that he couldn't keep- i.e. promising we would get back together, but he said we'd see where we were at and maybe we'd both say this was fun and do it again. He told me to get out there in the mean time.
Should I be concerned he wants me to move on? Do you think we have a chance?
Yes, you do have a chance. You shouldn't be concerned about anything related to him. You should just concentrate on working on yourself and learning to be happy without him.
Yes, you do have a chance. You shouldn't be concerned about anything related to him. You should just concentrate on working on yourself and learning to be happy without him.
Yes, you do have a chance. You shouldn't be concerned about anything related to him. You should just concentrate on working on yourself and learning to be happy without him.
Yes, you do have a chance. You shouldn't be concerned about anything related to him. You should just concentrate on working on yourself and learning to be happy without him.
Thanks for answering Kevin!
Last question..he said as we were ending it that he didn't me out of his life, he would love to keep in touch and see where we are both at in a month, but he didn't want to make me any promises that he couldn't keep- i.e. promising we would get back together, but he said we'd see where we were at and maybe we'd both say this was fun and do it again. He told me to get out there in the mean time.
Should I be concerned he wants me to move on? Do you think we have a chance?
Thanks for answering Kevin!
Last question..he said as we were ending it that he didn't me out of his life, he would love to keep in touch and see where we are both at in a month, but he didn't want to make me any promises that he couldn't keep- i.e. promising we would get back together, but he said we'd see where we were at and maybe we'd both say this was fun and do it again. He told me to get out there in the mean time.
Should I be concerned he wants me to move on? Do you think we have a chance?
Hey Patty,
I think you should follow the plan. Keep no contact for about 2-3 weeks. Then get back in touch with him. When you contact him, don't talk about both of you being on the same timeline straight away. It will seem like you are saying whatever it takes just to get him back. Have some other fun conversations with him. Meet him a couple of times. Then bring up this topic of where you are at.
Hi Kevin,
I broke up with my ex three months ago because I wasn't ready to commit and I wanted to see someone else. Since then she refused to take my calls or answer my text. Then I realised that she was the one for me and wanted to settle down with her. But I recently learnt that about a month ago, she moved to another different city with her new boyfriend. I have no idea when she met him, only that it was less than two months after we broke up. She has since blocked my number and on Facebook. But I can still contact her via another text app. After sending her many texts, she finally replied that she had a boyfriend and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
Do you think there's a chance that I can still get her back (she lives in a different city now)? Is she on a rebound?
Kind Regards
Hester
It's probably a rebound (although, I can't guarantee that). I'll say wait for a month, then contact her.
It's probably a rebound (although, I can't guarantee that). I'll say wait for a month, then contact her.
Hey. I have some qn to ask.
My ex did have some push/pull behaviors ...
And the other day when we meet , he wanted me to giv him a hug
And when I lie down he kiss twice on my lips and he lied down on my thighs .
When i finally reach home ,he apologize and I asked him why did he do all this ,he ans me with dunno..
Does all this doings mean that he actually still have feelings for me but yet he is confused about it since he's in a relationship that is about 3 years already ?
Hope you could help me because I'm in a dilemma if he's in a relationship yet he still have feelings for me.
Yes, there is a chance he is confused and possibly still has feelings for you. But I don't think you should let him get physical with you again unless he commits.
Hmm,thanks
But may I ask if there's anyway to make him realised it himself and not be confused anymore ?
IMO, the best way to do that is give him some space and time.
Hmm but I wonder will an attached guy actually figured it out ?
Only time will tell.
Only time will tell.
Only time will tell.
Only time will tell.
Only time will tell.
Only time will tell.
But I've given him a lot of space and time .. But it doesn't seem to work
In that case, you really can't do anything unless he figures it out himself. You can try giving him an ultimatum, but it's risky and you should be prepared if he doesn't choose to be with you.
In that case, you really can't do anything unless he figures it out himself. You can try giving him an ultimatum, but it's risky and you should be prepared if he doesn't choose to be with you.
In that case, you really can't do anything unless he figures it out himself. You can try giving him an ultimatum, but it's risky and you should be prepared if he doesn't choose to be with you.
In that case, you really can't do anything unless he figures it out himself. You can try giving him an ultimatum, but it's risky and you should be prepared if he doesn't choose to be with you.
In that case, you really can't do anything unless he figures it out himself. You can try giving him an ultimatum, but it's risky and you should be prepared if he doesn't choose to be with you.
In that case, you really can't do anything unless he figures it out himself. You can try giving him an ultimatum, but it's risky and you should be prepared if he doesn't choose to be with you.
Hmm but I wonder will an attached guy actually figured it out ?
But I've given him a lot of space and time .. But it doesn't seem to work
Hmm but I wonder will an attached guy actually figured it out ?
But I've given him a lot of space and time .. But it doesn't seem to work
Hmm but I wonder will an attached guy actually figured it out ?
But I've given him a lot of space and time .. But it doesn't seem to work
Hmm but I wonder will an attached guy actually figured it out ?
But I've given him a lot of space and time .. But it doesn't seem to work
IMO, the best way to do that is give him some space and time.
IMO, the best way to do that is give him some space and time.
IMO, the best way to do that is give him some space and time.
Hmm,thanks
But may I ask if there's anyway to make him realised it himself and not be confused anymore ?
Hmm,thanks
But may I ask if there's anyway to make him realised it himself and not be confused anymore ?
Yes, there is a chance he is confused and possibly still has feelings for you. But I don't think you should let him get physical with you again unless he commits.
Hi I see u give good advice. N god knows Im in need. I have done the no contact and have only texted him when it comes to our newborn of 2 months.
We were together briefly about 10 years ago
Then we got back together 8 years later. We have been together in a LDR for about 3 years.
During this time we have had alot of ups and downs.
I have caught him flirting online wit about a dozen of woman. I have broken up wit him many times because of this.
But he will jus blame me and call me crazy and insecure. Saying that those woman want him but that he belongs to me.
He has blocked me on fb like forever ago and everytime we become friends on fb there is an argument and we are back to square one
He usually accuses and argues wit me . But wat is crazy is that he is the one guilty of the things he is saying and it makes me sick and bitter.
I have stopped the pattern of breaking up for a few day and getting back together
Its been a few weeks and he is trying to make me feel bad and trying to say i ruined things and that i betrayed him
I told him he did this to us. Im really tired of him putting the blame on me when it is clear as day that he was the one that wasnt loyal.
He proposed to me while i was pregnant but was still flirting around wit other woman
I cant trust him. To me flirting leads to other things he does it behind my back he stares at women while were together there is no respect.
So how can he tell me he loves me and he wants to marry me.
I can not continue to try to build a relationship where there is disrespect and no trust or consideration.
Should i wait and see if he changes or jus let it go
Another thing is im not going back to that relationship if he gets wit someone else. Thats dirty and im petro of stds and also it becoming a bad habit
Hey Valerie,
I think you did the right thing and you should not get back together with him unless he admits his mistakes and decides to work on them. Make sure you don't get back with him just because you miss him and you feel like you need someone in your life. Apply the no contact rule and tell him you need some space and time. You will be thinking much more clearly after 30 days of no contact.
Hey Valerie,
I think you did the right thing and you should not get back together with him unless he admits his mistakes and decides to work on them. Make sure you don't get back with him just because you miss him and you feel like you need someone in your life. Apply the no contact rule and tell him you need some space and time. You will be thinking much more clearly after 30 days of no contact.
I'm trying to figure out if I have any chance left with my ex. We were together almost 9 years, and have a daughter together. The last year we were together was a little rough, I always had a hard time expressing my feelings and was insecure and afraid. It got to the point that I moved out mostly because of fear. He tried to get me back and shortly after we started to work on our relationship with a fresh start. I had a hard time letting go of the past and didn't completely move on. I did something that made him angry and now he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said he needs space from me to get over his anger, and that he is using his anger to change his life around. He has recently been hanging out with another woman alot, and told me he has slept with someone else. He said he did this to prove to himself he is ready to move on. He says he still wants to be friends and doesn't know what the future holds. I realize how much I do love him and want to be a better person, and let go of the past. I want to start our lives over and show him how good our lives and family can be. He won't give me a chance. What should I do? is there any chance of us working this out?
I think there is a chance. Follow the advise in this article. Don't wait for him to come back before you start becoming a better person. Work on your issues first and then try to get him back.
There is no way for me to do the no contact rule. We have a child together and work together.
Do limited contact. Only talk about your child or work. Don't talk about anything personal. If you want, you can let him know in advance.
Do limited contact. Only talk about your child or work. Don't talk about anything personal. If you want, you can let him know in advance.
Do limited contact. Only talk about your child or work. Don't talk about anything personal. If you want, you can let him know in advance.
Do limited contact. Only talk about your child or work. Don't talk about anything personal. If you want, you can let him know in advance.
There is no way for me to do the no contact rule. We have a child together and work together.
There is no way for me to do the no contact rule. We have a child together and work together.
I think there is a chance. Follow the advise in this article. Don't wait for him to come back before you start becoming a better person. Work on your issues first and then try to get him back.
hey kevin,
my ex broke up with me over text in the middle of December. we dated for 3 years. She now is seeing somebody else, who happens to be the complete opposite of me. When she dumped me I told her "I hope you find someone who makes you happy." and she responded with "I want that person to be you. I've always been yours." yet she is with somebody else now. I've had no contact since December. Guy she is with now is bad news. Really bad news. i'm losing my mind, I miss her so much. I want nothing more than to try and get her back, but can't call or text because I want her to be happy, and it seems as if she is. They've been together for a few months now.. this means we are over right? anything you can tell me would be appreciated.
Hey Mike,
Don't be afraid to call her. I think it's worth contacting her once and try to get her back. If it doesn't work, then you can close this chapter in your life and move on.
Hey Mike,
Don't be afraid to call her. I think it's worth contacting her once and try to get her back. If it doesn't work, then you can close this chapter in your life and move on.
Hi Kevin,
I broke up with my ex two years ago but we had a long story with ups and downs for about 4 years. Since our breaking up he moved on a new relationship only one month later. He is still we that girl for the last two years and their relationship became serious from the first months. Recently we met each other through a mutual friend. He started accepting all the invitations for having a coffee or drink all together. Things became more complicated. We spent 4 hours together on friday, 5 hours on saturday and he even joined us on sunday too. I started thinking that he is not spending all that time for our mutual friend, since they are not so close friends, and that he did all this for me. We were even flirting, laughing and touching each other.
On sunday i talked to him. I said that for me we can't be friends, that i'm thinking about him and i have not forgotten what we had back then. He said that it's almost the same for him, that he feels anxious next to me but thought that it could be funny to maintain a cool relationship. I said that things can be cool for an hour but not for 5 hours per day. He said that we wanted me so much then but things went bad. He would live again the beautiful part of us but not the difficult times. He was over-emotional at a moment and asked me to stop the conversation. He said that he starts feeling the same anxiety and many things inside. I asked him about his relationship. He told me that it's a relationship like all others, with ups and downs, an ordinary relationship like all others. When i saw that he couldn't continue i stopped.
I think that if he had really moved on he would tell me. We would have said that he feels nothing more than friendship for me and that his new relationship is something really good.
He said that he keeps in mind our good moments but our bad too.
I'm thinking of waiting for a while for something to happen. And if not, i should move on myself. I love him, but do you think there's something more i could do?
Thank you.
Well, you can continue meeting him and flirting with him for a while. Make him feel attracted to you again and then ask him to get back together. If he doesn't, then you move on.
Well, you can continue meeting him and flirting with him for a while. Make him feel attracted to you again and then ask him to get back together. If he doesn't, then you move on.
Hey Kevin
me and my ex girlfriend recently broke up last month(early mid February)we have been together for a year and 8 months its a long distance relationship for now and we made it this far during the long distance relationship we spent alot of time together when I was with her and the day I left she gave me a present of all the things special to her and all the love letters she wrote to me and during the long distance relationship we texted everyday and video chatted sometimes she broke up with me a couple times because of the distance for a day then she wanted to go back out with me again so we did . But last month I accidentally sent her a text saying I want to break up but i guess it was already to late I told her it was a mistake but she said she just wants to be friends and she still cares about me alot and i'm still important to her and that we can still talk everyday so we did but then the next day we got into a argument then the day after it was my birthday and we got over the argument but she kept talking about this other guy(a year younger then her) and kept trying to make me jealous but I kept playing it cool then she told me she couldn't stop thinking about him on my birthday and I was extremely hurt and we got in another argument I made the mistake of begging and saying just give me another chance etc but she just kept saying I don't want to go out with you but i don't want you out of my life so I told her I was ok with that. Then on the same day I made another mistake by calling her randomly she didn't know it was me so we talked casually a little for 5 mins then texted a little I also sent her a thank you letter and stuff for a sending me a early birthday letter and card(before we broke up) she texted me saying she read it and it was horrible timing but it was nice and I told her I didn't send it to get back together with her and she said good and that she has a boyfriend now but she doesn't really show it like she did to me so I told her I needed space from her and that was last time I talked to her(March 3) its been 3 weeks now so should I contact her next week or wait it out?
Yes, contact her next week.
Yes, contact her next week.
Hi Kevin,
I know I told you my ex split up and she put up her emotional barriers as she thought I might go back to my wife and not go through with a divorce. We'd been together 2 years. Whilst I've kept in touch every now and again to let her know I'm still there and I recently had a reply to say she's fine I knew I couldn't move on with her until my divorce came through as there was still no security from her point of view that I would proceed with it. Well my divorce comes through this week. But I'm now in a quandary. I know as her barriers are still up I can't tell her this in so many words. Just want her to know this then let her just think on it for a couple of weeks with no pressure. I would tell a friend of hers but don't know whether they would agree to say we'd bumped into each other and I told them. If they tell her I've phoned them I know that would be too direct at the minute. Did think about sending a note saying Marry Me, with or without a ring, which would be a subtle way of telling her I was divorced. Don't know whether that would really stress her though and keep the barriers up or maybe it would be the jolt she needed to see how much she means to me.Or maybe I could send her a letter like you have suggested and just say I have some good news I want to tell
her. Really unsure what the best thing to do is as I don't want to make a mess of it. Just want her to know that I have done what I said I would all along and that I am genuine and let it filter through for a couple of weeks. Which idea do you think is best Kevin? I would really appreciate your thoughts.
I'd go with the letter. Mention in the letter that you went through with the divorce (instead of creating curiosity as I say in the article).
Don't go with the friend route. Contacting ex's friend to get to them always backfires.
Thanks for the advice Kevin. I've got my fingers and everything else crossed!
Thanks for the advice Kevin. I've got my fingers and everything else crossed!
Thanks for the advice Kevin. I've got my fingers and everything else crossed!
I'd go with the letter. Mention in the letter that you went through with the divorce (instead of creating curiosity as I say in the article).
Don't go with the friend route. Contacting ex's friend to get to them always backfires.
Hi,
So I broke up with my boyfriend due to feeling like I was going to be left. (I have serious trust issues due to a horrible past relationship.) So I break up with him, go to Africa for two weeks for voluntary work, and we are both fine, however I come home, we have a small argument and we meet up, he kisses me and then texts me later saying he wants to just be friends as nobody gets hurt. After this we meet up again and I basically explain all of my reasons why I don't want to be friends and apologise for the breakup, however he still doesn't want anything. I see him everyday at school and have no idea what to do. I am trying the no-contact thing however I feel like this won't help and will make him get over me. I am completely head over heels with him and have no idea what to do. PLEASE HELP. Thanks :)
Apply no contact for only two weeks. Then meet him again. I think he will want to get back together. You should agree to be friends after no contact.
Apply no contact for only two weeks. Then meet him again. I think he will want to get back together. You should agree to be friends after no contact.
Hi Kevin,
I sent a text, got a pretty good response, but am afraid to reach out again. Its been over three days since Ive reached out. How long is too long between contact if you did receive a postive ish response? I was hoping he would initiate now. We exhanged two texts each that day. Im just really nervous.
Thanks!!
Christine
Wait two more days then text him again. All the best.
Thank you !!!
Thank you !!!
Thank you !!!
Wait two more days then text him again. All the best.
Hello:
I've been dating a muslim girl in secret for about 2 years and we were deeply in love.I'm christian , as u know muslim girls are not allowed to be with anyone except muslim boys.Anw i messed up with her mom i asked her mom to take her daughter out and things got worse since then she had to break up with me by force.i kept nagging by telling her we are for each other and everything we had together .......and now i pushed her away her last msg was"I'm throwing away everything you gave me and i will do whatever it takes to move on so stop messaging me and nagging u pushed away in the beginning and i lost interest and feelings for you." but am sure she's still in love with me because she's sensitive and she's not that kind of girls who move on quickly.I messed up again with her mom and told her i love her daughter so much and i would do everything to be with her etc...and now she's not allowed to answer my calls , text or anything.I've been doing the no contact rule for about 1 week.
So what now? do u thing the no contacting rule will work ....and if i contacted her after 1 month will it work ?!
Thanks for your concern
It's worth trying. However, you should consider the fact that you will have many issues in the future and unless she is willing to stand by you through those issues, you shouldn't get back with her.
she's lost confused she wants to make her parents proud and she doesn t wanna lose me ! ..and her parents refuse to be with a christian guy like me! so am not sure if she really wanna stand by me or not!....so do u think the NC rule will work?...and how long should i wait?....and if ur counting on her to talk to me that's not gonna happen!and i'm hundred percent positive.
So what now ?
Wait at least 30 days. If after that, she is not willing to stand by you, you really can't do anything.
after 30 days when i'm gonna contact her should i must not remind her with all what happened and her parents rules etc/.. right?
Do u think i should talk to her in 20 April, she loves miracles so i was counting on telling her about what will happen in Jerusalem this day!(the holy spirit coming out from Jesus grave)
Do u think this will work?
Sounds like a good plan.
Sounds like a good plan.
Sounds like a good plan.
Sounds like a good plan.
Sounds like a good plan.
Sounds like a good plan.
after 30 days when i'm gonna contact her should i must not remind her with all what happened and her parents rules etc/.. right?
Do u think i should talk to her in 20 April, she loves miracles so i was counting on telling her about what will happen in Jerusalem this day!(the holy spirit coming out from Jesus grave)
Do u think this will work?
after 30 days when i'm gonna contact her should i must not remind her with all what happened and her parents rules etc/.. right?
Do u think i should talk to her in 20 April, she loves miracles so i was counting on telling her about what will happen in Jerusalem this day!(the holy spirit coming out from Jesus grave)
Do u think this will work?
after 30 days when i'm gonna contact her should i must not remind her with all what happened and her parents rules etc/.. right?
Do u think i should talk to her in 20 April, she loves miracles so i was counting on telling her about what will happen in Jerusalem this day!(the holy spirit coming out from Jesus grave)
Do u think this will work?
after 30 days when i'm gonna contact her should i must not remind her with all what happened and her parents rules etc/.. right?
Do u think i should talk to her in 20 April, she loves miracles so i was counting on telling her about what will happen in Jerusalem this day!(the holy spirit coming out from Jesus grave)
Do u think this will work?
Wait at least 30 days. If after that, she is not willing to stand by you, you really can't do anything.
Wait at least 30 days. If after that, she is not willing to stand by you, you really can't do anything.
Wait at least 30 days. If after that, she is not willing to stand by you, you really can't do anything.
she's lost confused she wants to make her parents proud and she doesn t wanna lose me ! ..and her parents refuse to be with a christian guy like me! so am not sure if she really wanna stand by me or not!....so do u think the NC rule will work?...and how long should i wait?....and if ur counting on her to talk to me that's not gonna happen!and i'm hundred percent positive.
So what now ?
she's lost confused she wants to make her parents proud and she doesn t wanna lose me ! ..and her parents refuse to be with a christian guy like me! so am not sure if she really wanna stand by me or not!....so do u think the NC rule will work?...and how long should i wait?....and if ur counting on her to talk to me that's not gonna happen!and i'm hundred percent positive.
So what now ?
It's worth trying. However, you should consider the fact that you will have many issues in the future and unless she is willing to stand by you through those issues, you shouldn't get back with her.
Hi
My partner of 6 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago,mew have some issues due to my illness he finds it hard to cope.. He started on a dating site 4 days afte the break up and told me so. He's says and his profile does he is not looking for anything serious but wants to date. Anyway weekend I met up with him(after going through all the classic mistakes) he agreed to stay friends and work on things and wouldn't meet other girls whilst we are like this. We had an amazing weekend, however today he changed completely again told me it's not fair on me that he is talking to other girls and wants to end our friendship and never see me again. I am devastated all over again I love this man so much and we have been through so much together. I know I now need to apply the NC rule but I'm SOS ared he's gonna meet one of these girls and move on. I know I will get over him one day but I don't want to and the pain thinking about it is unbearable :(
Hey J,
Don't try to stop him from seeing other girls. Follow the 5 step plan. I hope things work out for you.
Hey J,
Don't try to stop him from seeing other girls. Follow the 5 step plan. I hope things work out for you.
Hi Kevin,
if I don't at least show some tears, wouldn't my ex feel that I can live without him and that will make him feel relieved that he can leave me be, or my feelings don't get to him that I really am hurting :/
Is he showing you some tears? Does it make you feel that way? Or his indifference is making you want him more and making you more afraid of losing him every second?
Is he showing you some tears? Does it make you feel that way? Or his indifference is making you want him more and making you more afraid of losing him every second?
Hi Kevin,
I've been reading your stuff and it's all very inspirational. Thank you for all your words of wisdom. I'll try to keep it short, and try to follow your advice.
My Ex GF broke up with me after 14 months of dating. She's 24 and I'm 28. We were together for 5 months in the beginning, until I had to move across the country for a solid job. We decided to keep things going being happy and madly in love. I was able to fly back and visit her on a regular monthly basis anywhere from 1 week, to 2-3 weeks at a time during the holiday months at a time. Over time, the distance took a toll on her. Eventually I could see she heart was less in it. Finally after my last visit during Valentine's week, she decided to break up with me. I asked would things be different if I relocated back home? She said she's sure about her decision and needs her space, and she didn't feel in love with me like she used to. Sadly I didn't come across your page until now. After only 1 1/2 weeks later of no contact, I emailed her to let her know my company was in full support of me moving back and I would keep my job. I asked if we could talk about it, we did, and she said it doesn't change how she feels. She wants to be single, and doesn't want to get back with me. She's happy I'll be home with my friends and family, but doesn't see us getting back together. I made the mistakes, I smothered her, and begged her to take me back, and obviously she didn't budge and probably was pushed away even further. I'll be moved back at the end of this month, which by that time will be 2 weeks since we last spoke. I realize I was desperate, and as much as I want to reach out to her when I'm back, I should probably give it the full 30 days, or however long I need to feel confident, and independently happy, correct? How long should I wait? Do you think I'm making the right choice by wanting to get back with her? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for all your help.
You are absolutely correct about waiting as long as you need to feel confident and independently happy. It's hard for me to say whether or not you are making the right decision because I don't know much about you and her. I think it's definitely worth giving a shot. I think you will realize if it's the right choice yourself during the no contact period.
You are absolutely correct about waiting as long as you need to feel confident and independently happy. It's hard for me to say whether or not you are making the right decision because I don't know much about you and her. I think it's definitely worth giving a shot. I think you will realize if it's the right choice yourself during the no contact period.
Hey. I was already following these steps myself. I did it subconciously. He actually came over and hung out with me today. He seemed like he was having a good time and hugged me before he left.
Great work. I hope things work out for you.
Great work. I hope things work out for you.
I have a question and i hope you can answer it. Me and my girl was in a long distance relationship for 10 months. I broke up with her a couple days before valentines day and tried to get her back the day after i broke up with her. I sent her gifts and things like that for valentines day. She's an older woman, 38 and I'm 30. I broke up with her because she's always so busy that she doesn't want to talk. She just wants to text all the time even when she isn't at work. I told her before going into the relationship that I'm a person that needs communication to make a relationship work but i never thought that she would rely on texting so much. Things get taken out of context when it comes to texting and we have had many of arguments because of that. Anyways its been 6 weeks now and i only went 2 weeks no contact. She replied to an email yesterday in a positive way but should i go 3-6 months no contact? Does that actually work? She's not your average woman. She has a heart full of pride and i don't think she will ever admit to missing me or initiating contact. Hell, i told her i loved her on out last convo about a month ago and she didn't even say it back. She was just crying and then hung up the phone. She didn't want me to hear she was crying but i could tell. My question is do i still have a chance with it being 6 weeks and does no contact actually work? Thanks.
Hey,
I think no contact is your best shot. Even if you think she is stubborn and full of pride, it will give her a chance to miss you and think things through. Don't push her into getting back together after no contact. Get back in touch and start things slowly.
Hey,
I think no contact is your best shot. Even if you think she is stubborn and full of pride, it will give her a chance to miss you and think things through. Don't push her into getting back together after no contact. Get back in touch and start things slowly.
Kevin,
My gf split with me after 3 years.
It has been a month now, the last month has been very rocky, lots of contact & many many rows.
She has said to me that her feelings have changed for me, the love has gone. She said she has moved on and I should do the same?
Any advice mate would be great!
Follow the advise in the article Steve. It's worth giving a shot. If her feelings have changed, it's quite possible to make her attracted to you again using the methods described in the article.
Follow the advise in the article Steve. It's worth giving a shot. If her feelings have changed, it's quite possible to make her attracted to you again using the methods described in the article.
So I let it go about 2 weeks no texting after stupidly being to needy. As we work together only a hi in the morning. The ex though has initiated a few conversations by stopping at my desk asking for help on stuff. So tonight stupid me out drinking having fun I end up texting Happy St Patrick's Day, Hope you are having a blast. Ex did not text back. So I suppose I'm suppose to wait another 30 days and try another text? I've been trying so hard to act like everything is normal when I see the ex. Just an act of course lol. Not sure how I should act while at work and when the ex stops by and will ask me to do this or that but yet wont even respond to a text u 2 to Happy St. Patrick's Day. Kinda confused.
Well, don't overthink it. It's your decision if you want to start no contact again. It was an innocent mistake. Don't beat yourself over it.
Well, don't overthink it. It's your decision if you want to start no contact again. It was an innocent mistake. Don't beat yourself over it.
Now, what if after seeing me looking confident, he becomes reassured that the breakup was for the best?
He might become reassured that the breakup was for the best. The breakup was in the past and it was in all practicality, for the best. But that doesn't necessary mean he wouldn't want to get back together. That wouldn't stop him from feeling attracted to you again.
He might become reassured that the breakup was for the best. The breakup was in the past and it was in all practicality, for the best. But that doesn't necessary mean he wouldn't want to get back together. That wouldn't stop him from feeling attracted to you again.
Well, my girlfriend broke up with me a about 2-3 months ago, we talked like everyday since. She says she misses me but she's scared to get back with me because of my past mistakes. I realize what I've done and everything and I tried to let her know but she keeps saying that she's scared so she can't, she said she isn't comfortable anymore with me. I started to not talk to her yesterday, but she constantly texted me saying she's worried, so she kept calling and calling I was half asleep and I answered and she was panicking asking why am I ignoring her, I told her I'm just going to let us go and get my stuff together. Did I mess up by letting her know. What do I do, today starts day 2 of the 30 day no contact stage.
Tell her that you need some space and time to think things through and so does she.
Tell her that you need some space and time to think things through and so does she.
Hey Kevin,
We broke up about 2 months ago. I had NC for a month, then messaged her and talked about 1-2 times a week. I asked her out a few days ago, it went pretty well and we kissed a few times and even held hands for a bit. We talked the day after and she said she had a blast, but I was rather cold and casual about it because I didn't want to jump back, I kinda hid my emotions as well because I didn't want to get my hopes up and get hurt. We have also texted every day since that day, with both of us starting conversations, and some of them went for hours. We didn't discuss getting back together. At some point though the conversation has taken a darker side, with her saying she's suspicious about me, thinking I'm just taking advantage of her, etc. This is obviously not the case, and if anything she is probably taking advantage of me, as she broke up with me and then kisses me, but I didn't want to bring it up and took the indifferent road again. We texted a bit the day after and things seemed casual.
It's probably worth adding that she didn't break up with me because I wasn't commited enough, or cheated on her, or didn't give her enough attention or didn't show her love and anything like that. She broke up with me because she stopped loving me. Hence my "keep your feelings inside" approach, at least until I know how she feels.
What do you think I should be doing next?
Thanks
Try meeting her again. Then wait another week and meet her again. After you've had a couple more fun dates, ask her if she wants to get back together.
Try meeting her again. Then wait another week and meet her again. After you've had a couple more fun dates, ask her if she wants to get back together.
How do you avoid him if you work with him during step one of the 30 days of no contact?
You don't avoid him. You just treat him like an acquaintance. Don't start any conversations with him. If he does, keep the conversations short and don't talk about anything personal.
You don't avoid him. You just treat him like an acquaintance. Don't start any conversations with him. If he does, keep the conversations short and don't talk about anything personal.
Ok so me and my boyfriend had a misunderstanding at a time when he was grieving. He said that I really hurt him and needed space which I didn't really give as I missed him. Then on Sunday I had some really bad news and rang him to see if he could watch my daughter and he was round like a flash even though he was out with the boys watching the football and we were still not on speaking terms. Anyway one thing led to the other and we ended up in bed together. The next day he said it shouldn't have happened and won't happen again and he's sorry for givin me false hope and called it a day.
While he was here I asked if he wanted to take his stuff and he said no he will get them another time and now he doesn't want nothing to do with me. I don't understand how he can feel one way and then completely different the day after. Do you think he's just confused and needs space so I should continue with the no contact or should I just move on and forget him
I think it's worth trying one more time after no contact. If it doesn't work then, you should move on.
I think it's worth trying one more time after no contact. If it doesn't work then, you should move on.
K, well I talked to him, he let me talk and talked to me on the phone, but he still won't change his answer. He told me no matter what I say he won't change his answer, it feels like its hopeless. I told him to think about it, he tells me either he does consider it or not he won't tell me......is there any hope, it seems like it hopeless.....I'm getting sick of all this, but I too stubborn to just give up right now. He tells me to just let it go....but i really don't want to. I can't just lose him like this. I plan to make positive changes, but without him there no motivation to. I tried going out countless times with friends, which i normally don't but it just don't feel the same, it actually feels worse.
Hey T,
Like I said before, you need to stop chasing him and tell him you agree with the breakup. Unless you stop chasing him, he will not chase you. I know you are scared that he might think you have moved on and will move on himself. But you have already tried everything else, haven't you? You can keep doing what you are doing or you can take my suggestion and stop chasing him.
I afraid to stop, if I stop what if he don't come back at all. After i did the 30 day thing he still didn't come back, how do I know this is going to be the same again, I stop doing what I'm doing, and he just stops entirely.....feeling frusturated right now.
Hey, T did you ever experience rebellious age when you're teenage? What your mom told you not to do you do it. The more they hate, the more you want to do it.
Without telling him what he shouldn't do, and support him by giving what he want. This will make him stop and rethink, he might not know you well. This is somekind like push and pull theory.
Some quote: What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.
Set him free, let him know the consequence without you in his life. If he will come back, he will.
Hey, T did you ever experience rebellious age when you're teenage? What your mom told you not to do you do it. The more they hate, the more you want to do it.
Without telling him what he shouldn't do, and support him by giving what he want. This will make him stop and rethink, he might not know you well. This is somekind like push and pull theory.
Some quote: What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.
Set him free, let him know the consequence without you in his life. If he will come back, he will.
Hey, T did you ever experience rebellious age when you're teenage? What your mom told you not to do you do it. The more they hate, the more you want to do it.
Without telling him what he shouldn't do, and support him by giving what he want. This will make him stop and rethink, he might not know you well. This is somekind like push and pull theory.
Some quote: What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.
Set him free, let him know the consequence without you in his life. If he will come back, he will.
Hey, T did you ever experience rebellious age when you're teenage? What your mom told you not to do you do it. The more they hate, the more you want to do it.
Without telling him what he shouldn't do, and support him by giving what he want. This will make him stop and rethink, he might not know you well. This is somekind like push and pull theory.
Some quote: What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.
Set him free, let him know the consequence without you in his life. If he will come back, he will.
I afraid to stop, if I stop what if he don't come back at all. After i did the 30 day thing he still didn't come back, how do I know this is going to be the same again, I stop doing what I'm doing, and he just stops entirely.....feeling frusturated right now.
I afraid to stop, if I stop what if he don't come back at all. After i did the 30 day thing he still didn't come back, how do I know this is going to be the same again, I stop doing what I'm doing, and he just stops entirely.....feeling frusturated right now.
Hey T,
Like I said before, you need to stop chasing him and tell him you agree with the breakup. Unless you stop chasing him, he will not chase you. I know you are scared that he might think you have moved on and will move on himself. But you have already tried everything else, haven't you? You can keep doing what you are doing or you can take my suggestion and stop chasing him.
Hey Kevin,
I wrote to you last week. I have a question that I can't answer myself. Many people say the same thing to me, but I can't come to do it. Should I defriend my ex on Facebook? She kept us as friends and all our pictures up. I just hate going online and looking at it. I don't want her to think I'm giving up, but seeing this stuff is like a dagger.
How should I handle it?
Definitely unfriend her. Put your mental peace above everything else. If you want, you can explain to her later on (when you are back in contact) about why you did it.
I guess the reason why I've kept it is bc it scares me she's going to look at it as I'm giving up. What about the pictures?
I guess the reason why I've kept it is bc it scares me she's going to look at it as I'm giving up. What about the pictures?
I guess the reason why I've kept it is bc it scares me she's going to look at it as I'm giving up. What about the pictures?
Definitely unfriend her. Put your mental peace above everything else. If you want, you can explain to her later on (when you are back in contact) about why you did it.
Hello Kevin,
I screwed up really badly. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up in mid-January. I was going through a really hard time and I was letting a lot of it out on him. We fought more in that month than we did through out the course of our relationship. When he ended we both on the floor in tears it was right after I had said some horrendous things to him that I think lead to him actually ending it. I told him that he wasn't the person I fell inlove with and that our relationship was going anywhere. I just said it to hurt him. He started crying and said he had been getting the feelings occasionally that our relationship was unhealthy. He said this wasn't what he wanted either (breaking up) and that he loved me. I only found this website recently and I have been screwing myself over more and more. At first we both agreed on no contact until the 5th of Feb (we broke up on the 22nd on Jan). But he texted me a few days later asking how I was. We talked a little and tried hanging out as friends which resulted him getting angry at himself for trying to hug me and be initimate. A day or two later I convinced him to sleep with me a day or two after we broke up which resulted in me getting really upset and saying some more pretty vile things. I left in tears and wished him the best. He couldn't even look at me. The next day I sent him an angry message saying he had left me when I really needed him and that it seemed unfair. He responded saying he knew it came at a bad time and he was sorry but "it was shitty, and I was done" he then called me out on how terrible I had made him feel the day previous not only sleeping together but how painful the stuff I said to him was. I realized the next day that sending that message was very stupid and I sent him apology and said I could hope we could be friends. He said of course and that anyone going through what I was would react similarly. He then continued you to message me and text me and we talked all the time. He drunkenly tried to make me play a game that we had played throughout our relationship that meant a lot to both of us. I realized that with all this contact I was going insane and I needed some space. He said that was okay.
Of course being the idiot I was I texted him a day or two later saying lets hangout and he said he wasn't sure and in the end said he had a job interview. I wished him luck. And didn't speak to him. On the 13th of Febuary he sent me a message saying he hoped I enjoyed my trip which ultimately was just a trip that people go on to drink. I didn't hook up with anyone partially due the fact his bestfriend was staying with us for part of it.
After a few weeks I decided to try talking to him. It was awful I realized it made me feel really awful and I got scarily obsessive when I found out he was talking to a girl (who ended up being in a happy relationship in another city, whoops!). At first he was a bit cold and unresponsive, but by our second converstation we were fine. He hinted towards the fact that he wasn't busy throughout the week and had a lot of free time. I spent my time reading over and trying to find hidden messages in everything. But I also got easily offended at tiny issues when we were teasing eachother. We ended up not speaking after I made a slight quip about his hair which I had always given him grief about through out the course of our relationship. He read it and never responded. I apologized and he read it and never responded. This may also be due to the fact he had tried to talk to me the night previous and I just never responded. Before the argument I sent him my letter apologizing. My bestfriend who knows how much I care about him read it and thought it was excellent. I said nothing in the letter about getting back together I just made it clear I had accepted the break up, apologized for my unpredicatable behavior and comments and told him I was looking forward to the future. Yesterday, around four days after our fight, he sent me a text saying: I got your letter, I am glad you are doing better :) I am writing one back even though I am not much of a writer.
I am terrified this letter will tell me I have no chance and that our reason for breaking up was other than what I had though and had existed for a long time. I am terrified that the letter will pretty much assure me of the fact I have no hope.
I was thinking even after I read the letter we should stay out of contact for a month. And maybe start this whole process over again, excluding the letter due to the fact I have already written and he has responded. I am honestly heart broken. I know that we needed to break up because I wasn't seeking help and was becoming extremely unhealthy. But I know we also work well together, I know we want the same things in life and are more comfortable around eachother than anyone else. We inspired each other and motivated each other. Ultimately we were bestfriends and more. I really, really hope we can work stuff out and builder a stronger more patiend relationship, because I feel like if he does still love me and want to be with me, we can work towards that. Please help me Kevin.
Yours truly,
Rose
My break up was circumstantial. What happened was we met at work and dated for 4 months. It was way too fun we made each other laugh, sex was intense, good convo very at ease with each other. Ppl said we were perfect for each other all the time because we really are very similar in personality. I knew he was leaving to an immense new city in a nearby country. It's a one yr job with no possibility to stay longer. He had worked for years, put in sweat and blood (literally-he's a chef) to prove himself to obtain this job.
He asked me what I was doing for the summer but I brushed it off and made up fake plans bcuz I felt it would be crazy to say "nothing -can I come visit with u or move there for the summer with u" only after a few mnths. But I did get really attached and showed it in other ways and that's when he cut it off because he "never wanted anything serious long distance" with me. This was a month before his departure. I asked if it would work if I could come visit him and he said no.
Msg received. It's over.
I've been using no contact which was so helpful even though I broke it twice, once to ask if he wanted to hook up and once more asking to hang out before he left to the new city, I got "I'm really busy but maybe" back both times.
I feel like he's just going to meet someone new and amazing and forget all about me.
I keep thinking what if I got a work visa and found a job for the summer after university ends for me- in his new city. would he consider trying again? I'm guessing this is a very bad idea as I would be inviting myself and this might look crazy to chase him. Should I just move on for now enjoy my summer and contact him near the end of it?
I don't think moving there is a good idea, unless it's good for your career. Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Imagine how you'd feel if you moved all the way over there for him and he still rejects you. A better idea will be to enjoy your life while he is there and contact him once he returns. If it's meant to be, it will be.
I don't think moving there is a good idea, unless it's good for your career. Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Imagine how you'd feel if you moved all the way over there for him and he still rejects you. A better idea will be to enjoy your life while he is there and contact him once he returns. If it's meant to be, it will be.
Hey Kevin,
Fantastic article and right on time for me. I've been seeing this girl for a little over 3 months, things have been going very well but she has recently become bothered by a few things in her life, unhappy in the city she's in, recently started a job shes not extremely happy with and not much moral support from her family who are considering leaving the city. Unfortunately she is not capable of supporting herself comfortably so I believe she might consider moving cities with her family. Two days ago we had a talk out of nowhere in which she mentioned being sad/bothered about a few things, not us directly but affecting us. We've had some difficult talks in these three months, which ended in us having different opinions, but much of these different of opinion have to do with the relationship being new. Things can change in time. However she believes these opinion will not change, and I feel she is looking for reasons to walk away and make sense of her leaving. So we left things by me telling her we should take some time apart for her to think about what she wants. She has a trip coming up which will be perfect for her to think things over, the day she leaves is also her mother's birthday, and being a bigger man than this problem, I decided to send both of them flowers, happy birthday for the mom and bon voyage for her (I never got her flowers in the 3 months we've been together, I know, I should have). My questions to you is, do you believe 3 months is not enough for a plan like yours to work? Meaning its easier for her not to value what we have and walk away.
Hey,
It depends on how much her expectations were from the relationship. It might work if she considers you a potential long term partner. Regardless, giving her space is the right thing to do.
Hey,
It depends on how much her expectations were from the relationship. It might work if she considers you a potential long term partner. Regardless, giving her space is the right thing to do.
My ex and I broke up two days ago, a day before our 11 month anniversary. I made a mistake(I didn't cheat) and now he doesn't trust me. We also live together. He said he needed time to think and he wants to be friends for now. I'm in love with him and want him back. Every time I see him, I cry or want to cry. I was just talking to him today and I asked him if he wanted me to leave for a few weeks so I could give him time to think and he said no because I was his friend. What does this mean? Do you think we might still have a chance? What do I do?
Yes, you do have a pretty good chance. Follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, you do have a pretty good chance. Follow the 5 step plan.
My story, short relationship, very intense, after that i was one month abroad but the relationship even got more perfect talking everyday by phone.
When i came back after the first day she said more or less like she didnt like me like before and that she wanted to meet but occasionally.
After that i was through three weeks of no contact.
Finally in a casual meeting we arranged another one, things went perfect, we both have a good time and felt good, but next days by text messages she was again very cold, and like she doesnt want to talk with me.
What could be the problem? after the meeting i felt very optimistic.
Thanks for all! One more thing, i really appreciate ur advices by email, is there any way to also read all the advices that u already sent before my suscription?
Hey sky,
It's possible that the meting confused her and made her attracted to you again. She put her defenses back up which is why she is cold again. I'll recommend you back off a little bit if she is acting cold. Try again after a week or two.
And the emails are automated. That means that any one who signs up, gets all the emails no matter when they sign up.
Hey sky,
It's possible that the meting confused her and made her attracted to you again. She put her defenses back up which is why she is cold again. I'll recommend you back off a little bit if she is acting cold. Try again after a week or two.
And the emails are automated. That means that any one who signs up, gets all the emails no matter when they sign up.
Hey , any ways to help my ex know to be not that confused of who he wants ? As in like clear up his confusion and not be confused if he has feelings for me anot
Give him some time and space.
Give him some time and space.
I made so many of the mistakes you have outlined, but at the same time I have already done many of the things you suggested to make myself so much better, and happy. At first when we broke up I had zero contact with her for months 1 and 2. She started messaging me saying " I love you so much, I don't even know what to do without you." It took me a while to answer but eventually I did. It seems your approach was working and I didnt even read it yet. More recently I had flipped the table and done the same to her. Like wrote her a letter etc. She has agreed to meet with me, but I had been sad so I texted her like 10 times in the last two days. She finally said "sorry but i want you to stop messaging me, I know its hard for you but its hard for me also."
Is there still something there or should I just move on like I had before?
It's your decision whether or not you should move on. There is probably still a chance of reconciliation but you have to decide how long do you want to pursue her.
I have been thinking alot about her recently and i keep coming up with the same answer that i think she is amazing and want to be with her. I am trying very hard to respect her wish and not contact her until the date we meet. Should I be respecting her wish and not message her or should I be actively messaging her>
Respect her wishes.
Respect her wishes.
Respect her wishes.
Respect her wishes.
I have been thinking alot about her recently and i keep coming up with the same answer that i think she is amazing and want to be with her. I am trying very hard to respect her wish and not contact her until the date we meet. Should I be respecting her wish and not message her or should I be actively messaging her>
I have been thinking alot about her recently and i keep coming up with the same answer that i think she is amazing and want to be with her. I am trying very hard to respect her wish and not contact her until the date we meet. Should I be respecting her wish and not message her or should I be actively messaging her>
It's your decision whether or not you should move on. There is probably still a chance of reconciliation but you have to decide how long do you want to pursue her.
We have been broken up for 3 months; but we talk almost every day. I thought we were headed to getting back together and when I brought it up last week; he said I backed him into a corner and he told me that he doesn't think we have a future together. He said his feelings changed and that I am very special to him and very important to him, but he can't be my boyfriend. I am not sure what to do; we have both went out on dates; and we have both have talked about missing each other; but he does not want to be with me. I am wondering if this is just hopeless. I have thought about the no contact; but what do I do when he texts me? I have never ignored him; if we are friends and talking; should I stop contact? And would that even really help or is too late?
Yes, you should stop contact. I think it'll help and even if it doesn't what do you have to lose? Just tell him that you need some space and time and you don't want to stay in contact with him for a while.
Yes, you should stop contact. I think it'll help and even if it doesn't what do you have to lose? Just tell him that you need some space and time and you don't want to stay in contact with him for a while.
Hi Kevin, how are you doing? Well, I read your guide and I really liked the stuff you wrote since it's very clear and simple. But, you know that every situation is different. My ex and I broke up two months ago after a relationship that lasted seventeen years. I called him after a month and he did not change his mind. Now I know why. I had not been doing anything to improve myself and I was feeling terribly as I did at the very beginning of the break up. But, I have two questions:
1. when you work on yourself and, after a while you contact them ,what happens exactly? I mean, you may be feeling differently, but what about them? What changes in them?
2. I'm from a northern country in Europe and my ex lives in Spian...so how am I going to see him? Do you have any answers for this kind of situation. I was thinking about Skype, but he's not into that kind of stuff...
Thanks in advance
Well, since your ex knows you, they will pick up on your changes when you talk to them. And it effects them. They start thinking about you more. They start wondering what would happen if they got back together.
As for the long distance thing, if he is not interested in skype, you gotta keep contact via phone. Don't talk about getting back together straight away. Have fun conversation and start dropping subtle hints about the changes you've made. If you think things are favorable, you can consider going to his country for a trip.
Well, since your ex knows you, they will pick up on your changes when you talk to them. And it effects them. They start thinking about you more. They start wondering what would happen if they got back together.
As for the long distance thing, if he is not interested in skype, you gotta keep contact via phone. Don't talk about getting back together straight away. Have fun conversation and start dropping subtle hints about the changes you've made. If you think things are favorable, you can consider going to his country for a trip.
Hi Kevin,
remember on march 14th you replied to me and asked me to not reply him till next 3o more days...I didnt know how to talk more to u as I wasnt getting reply section below tht message so I am sending this new comment....he tried calling me and asked me to talk to me,,,for one week he kept doing that and i kept ignoring his calls n messages but last nite I could not hold myself and so I messaged him( long messages) abt that I hv seen his photos with her and all tht she is posting on net seems to me as stupid immaturity...,,the first thing he messaged bck immediately on getting my message was "lv u"...I wrote more things like he sleeps with another woman , flirts with another and I dnt think such a man deserves me....just two three more messages and then v slept around at 2 am...morning I got up with a message frm him where he asked me to support him as he needs friends around and feels very lonely....he said dnt leave me on the mercy of strangers and stay there as my friend......to which I replied "look back,, i never left u and i was always there,,,this time also I will be there as leaving is not my virtue but this time it shall be different and u shall have to earn my presence or else i already know u cn live without me"......( remember Kevin he was the one who left me for another one year back and till last month I kept tellin him tht I wait for him till last month when he met me with his new girl friend tagged alonG,,after that I had entered no contact for 30 days,,he messaged me to talk to him bt I refused and u asked me to not reply for another 30 days,,,unfortunately I couldnt hold onto that as he was desperately tryin to contact me,,i waited one week and finally last night replied) ..bt kevin after that today I feel I did a mistake by messaging him last nite...I should hv waited so as to make him miss me more...in this one week when I didnt reply him he somehow was wondering abt me bt now i guess he will be again be v confident that I will never go away..... I am sorry I failed keeping ur advice....u hd told me to not reply for another one month also......n now I dnt feel good ...is that the whole purpose of making him miss me and come back to me forever is defeated? ...will he now always know tht he can take me for granted as in the end I always am there.... he still lives with another female ,,,he doesnt intend to leave her,,,he just says he doesnt connect to her as he does to me and he wants me to always be there as a true friend....what a crap I hv done...Kevin please tell me now I know now I have done a blunder so should I enter no contact again or will it make me look unstable....as morning I told him I will be there but he should earn my presence this time....should i be more mature and now reply just v short to any message if he messages again...that ways he shall know i am woman of substance as I never leave those whom I care but simultaneously my v short messages will make him know that he has to work now to close the distance as I may be there for him bt I am certainly not the same desperate clinging woman .....what do u have to say? How can I show him I love him and shall be for him still maintain my respect so that he comes to me valuing me ...please advise
I don't think you messed up really bad. It's OK that you messaged him. I will suggest that you start NC again. This time, tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you till the time you contact him first.
Hi Kevin,
Mailing u after a month now...a lot happened in this month....he came back to me and started initiating contact wid me again in march.....he was desperate to talk wid me and wanted me to be dere wid him,,he said he missed me a lot and all the moments we shared together in love ..... and always kept saying u are my only true friend and i value u a lot.....i wanted to again start nc as adviced by u but couldnt as he really wanted me to not stop contact and stay with him as a true friend.....I guess i got weak too as I really love him so we both kept messaging and this time he wd reply all my msgs even if it ws late nite.......bt then I made a terrible mistake...I knew he ws still with the other girl and jst tht things may not be going great between them so he chose to cm bck to me for emotional support....it made me jealous and sadly I started accusing him of being selfish by using me like this....I told him either u be with me as my man or dont expect me to be there to give you support as being a female who ws already in relation wid u in the past I cant just stay as a support to other female's man..........it hurts me as i still love you.......he all this time remained good to me and just kept telling me 'help me please dont fight with me'......slowly the conversation again started reaching that point where we both subtly started blaming each odr that why in the first place he left me one year bck.......still we both stayed in touch and talked as friends.....I dont know then yesterday all of a sudden our conversation turned and became little close. But before it became close he sensed what was happening and that perhaps this friendship ws turning to another level again so he all of a sudden said he wasnt feeling good and said we will talk later plz.......i said ok to him at that point....bt after sm tym at nite and early morning I simply told him that I am cutting all contact wid him any further as I cant be a support to a man who is still with another...bt in case in future you have the strength and desire to spend your life with me then please do come back, I love u ,god bless u...............I dont knw kevin although he was dere now and i know that had I been more tactful atleast I could have been succesful in making him desire for me as our friendship ws really growing wid each passing day and he was actually telling me each day that he really missed me whole day........bt just because I knew the other girl is still in his life I just felt such friendship has no foundation.......Its just yesterday tht I messaged him this,,,,I dont know if he shall reply me or not because till now he hasnt...........i am so confused ...I want this man to come back to me and like a fool when this time he came to revive the friendship I just couldnt hold him .......I dnt want to live a fake relation kevin...i just want that we should not cheat ourselves,,if we love each other we should accept it and if we dont then why this drama of giving support to each other as friends...thats going to hurt us more,,isn't it? I mean I love him bt I have to just behave and remain in the constraints of being a friend while I know he is with another! Perhaps that is why I told him that I wont contact him further ..........my question to u now is that did I do the right thing or have I closed all doors of the possibilty of our reunion? In this month there were times when he revealed his love for me and how much he missed me but I dont know I think I couldnt handle a tricky situation to hold him and not to create a distance between us again....Secondly,, what should I do now?? What if he messages me a simple hi or a simple message after few days,,what if tries to talk to me thru messages?? I think he will do that because I could feel his love for me ,,,its just that he seems he has lost the confidence that the relation has the power to hold him emotionally.....and what if i have comitted a blunder this time and he actually thinks that NC is going to be good option for us and he becomes further close to other girl thinking that I am unable to support him emotionally??? Please advice
Hey K,
You did what you think was good for you. You did what you had to do keep your mental peace. So, you didn't do anything wrong. I think he will try contacting you again, but I'll recommend you stick with your decision as being friends with him is hard for you emotionally and you should put yourself through it. If he does come back in the future, it's great. But even if he doesn't you have to accept that it's OK and you'll be fine without him.
Hi kevin,
I msged him next day that be my friend as I need him too and understand my anger as it is my pain.......I know this time I have messed it all up and finally lost all chance... it gives me immense pain as I have found him blocking me on his phone now and after that his writin a post on his fb wall where he says 'here i go on an april mornin ,,,i am leaving the storm behind my back and standing on my own waiting for the sun'......and sadly to every comment he has posted he is liked by his gf and she poses to give him the comfort as he loses that support from my side.............i am in tears as i know i have lost it.....oh it hurts....I was not manipulative,,I just wanted him to be with me so that I could support him,,,I loved him and I couldnt pose to be a friend in constraiints well knowin he shares his days and nights with the other female...was I wrong? I dont knw,,,I am a human...But till date I hope a miracle and pray that one day he sees the support I always was giving by being there and answering him in all these days despite knowing that he was the one who broke and left me....I wanted to give this relation another chance but I guess the other female tactfully shunted me out of his life forever by showing she stands with him and making him loose his faith in me that I can give him the support he needs ..............Kevin, i dont know the psychology of men,,I just know I was true...I hv loved him a lot,,till date he is in my prayers.......what do u think,,,has this relation ended,,,and if there is still a chance pls pls pls tell me how to tackle this situation as I dont want to loose this man,,aswe really had the most beautiful moments when we were together as a couple
Thanks Kevin...But just one more major advice I want to get from u...Can you please shed some light on this........In future how to know that he has come back to me this time with a final commitment to me ....i mean in this past whole year I have seen him coming back to me when ever he starts feeling very low and I reply and be with him thinking that he has come back just to discover it later he hasnt.....now i am confused,,,sometimes when things go wrong between him and his new gf, I be there so that he comes back to me but soon i realize that he still hasnt come back.......Please kevin tell me one thing,,this time should I cut all contact with him even as a friend and wait ..............what if that gives him a wrong signal and he looses all faith in our relation and thinks that I am not capable of giving him motional support and so he decides it is best to stay from me anyway......I mean Deep down I want him, I love him and I care for him...is it good to be there as a friend to show him my strength despite all adversities or is it that staying in no contact even if he tries to talk to me in his low mood seeking for an emotional support a wise step to take? Please please please advise...should I wait and be whenever things go wrong between them as he comes back to me for support or is it that should I completely vanish from his life till they both completely break up and then see if he comes back??
Please tell me when does a girl know that her ex has left his new gf and finally come back to her? Till past one year I have been juggling betwwen this confusion as everytime when he messages and is desperate to talk to me saying he misses me I think he has come back but later i find him again go completely cold as he again cut off and enter a nc with me.....please advise.......he says he loves me,,,i also love him soo much then still why so utter confusion that nothing is working and we again end up in the cycle of entering NC
You give him the emotional support and comfort whenever he wants without any commitment from him. Why would he commit to you then? Shouldn't you reserve your emotional support and comfort for your boyfriend? Shouldn't you reserve it for someone who is faithful to you and 100% committed to you? Next time, he calls you and you feel like he is using you again, remind yourself this. Unless you stop letting him use you, he will keep on using you. He knows how to play with your emotions. He knows how to appeal to your soft heart. Don't let him take advantage of you unless you are absolutely sure that he is committed to you.
You give him the emotional support and comfort whenever he wants without any commitment from him. Why would he commit to you then? Shouldn't you reserve your emotional support and comfort for your boyfriend? Shouldn't you reserve it for someone who is faithful to you and 100% committed to you? Next time, he calls you and you feel like he is using you again, remind yourself this. Unless you stop letting him use you, he will keep on using you. He knows how to play with your emotions. He knows how to appeal to your soft heart. Don't let him take advantage of you unless you are absolutely sure that he is committed to you.
You give him the emotional support and comfort whenever he wants without any commitment from him. Why would he commit to you then? Shouldn't you reserve your emotional support and comfort for your boyfriend? Shouldn't you reserve it for someone who is faithful to you and 100% committed to you? Next time, he calls you and you feel like he is using you again, remind yourself this. Unless you stop letting him use you, he will keep on using you. He knows how to play with your emotions. He knows how to appeal to your soft heart. Don't let him take advantage of you unless you are absolutely sure that he is committed to you.
You give him the emotional support and comfort whenever he wants without any commitment from him. Why would he commit to you then? Shouldn't you reserve your emotional support and comfort for your boyfriend? Shouldn't you reserve it for someone who is faithful to you and 100% committed to you? Next time, he calls you and you feel like he is using you again, remind yourself this. Unless you stop letting him use you, he will keep on using you. He knows how to play with your emotions. He knows how to appeal to your soft heart. Don't let him take advantage of you unless you are absolutely sure that he is committed to you.
You give him the emotional support and comfort whenever he wants without any commitment from him. Why would he commit to you then? Shouldn't you reserve your emotional support and comfort for your boyfriend? Shouldn't you reserve it for someone who is faithful to you and 100% committed to you? Next time, he calls you and you feel like he is using you again, remind yourself this. Unless you stop letting him use you, he will keep on using you. He knows how to play with your emotions. He knows how to appeal to your soft heart. Don't let him take advantage of you unless you are absolutely sure that he is committed to you.
You give him the emotional support and comfort whenever he wants without any commitment from him. Why would he commit to you then? Shouldn't you reserve your emotional support and comfort for your boyfriend? Shouldn't you reserve it for someone who is faithful to you and 100% committed to you? Next time, he calls you and you feel like he is using you again, remind yourself this. Unless you stop letting him use you, he will keep on using you. He knows how to play with your emotions. He knows how to appeal to your soft heart. Don't let him take advantage of you unless you are absolutely sure that he is committed to you.
Hi kevin,
I msged him next day that be my friend as I need him too and understand my anger as it is my pain.......I know this time I have messed it all up and finally lost all chance... it gives me immense pain as I have found him blocking me on his phone now and after that his writin a post on his fb wall where he says 'here i go on an april mornin ,,,i am leaving the storm behind my back and standing on my own waiting for the sun'......and sadly to every comment he has posted he is liked by his gf and she poses to give him the comfort as he loses that support from my side.............i am in tears as i know i have lost it.....oh it hurts....I was not manipulative,,I just wanted him to be with me so that I could support him,,,I loved him and I couldnt pose to be a friend in constraiints well knowin he shares his days and nights with the other female...was I wrong? I dont knw,,,I am a human...But till date I hope a miracle and pray that one day he sees the support I always was giving by being there and answering him in all these days despite knowing that he was the one who broke and left me....I wanted to give this relation another chance but I guess the other female tactfully shunted me out of his life forever by showing she stands with him and making him loose his faith in me that I can give him the support he needs ..............Kevin, i dont know the psychology of men,,I just know I was true...I hv loved him a lot,,till date he is in my prayers.......what do u think,,,has this relation ended,,,and if there is still a chance pls pls pls tell me how to tackle this situation as I dont want to loose this man,,aswe really had the most beautiful moments when we were together as a couple
Thanks Kevin...But just one more major advice I want to get from u...Can you please shed some light on this........In future how to know that he has come back to me this time with a final commitment to me ....i mean in this past whole year I have seen him coming back to me when ever he starts feeling very low and I reply and be with him thinking that he has come back just to discover it later he hasnt.....now i am confused,,,sometimes when things go wrong between him and his new gf, I be there so that he comes back to me but soon i realize that he still hasnt come back.......Please kevin tell me one thing,,this time should I cut all contact with him even as a friend and wait ..............what if that gives him a wrong signal and he looses all faith in our relation and thinks that I am not capable of giving him motional support and so he decides it is best to stay from me anyway......I mean Deep down I want him, I love him and I care for him...is it good to be there as a friend to show him my strength despite all adversities or is it that staying in no contact even if he tries to talk to me in his low mood seeking for an emotional support a wise step to take? Please please please advise...should I wait and be whenever things go wrong between them as he comes back to me for support or is it that should I completely vanish from his life till they both completely break up and then see if he comes back??
Please tell me when does a girl know that her ex has left his new gf and finally come back to her? Till past one year I have been juggling betwwen this confusion as everytime when he messages and is desperate to talk to me saying he misses me I think he has come back but later i find him again go completely cold as he again cut off and enter a nc with me.....please advise.......he says he loves me,,,i also love him soo much then still why so utter confusion that nothing is working and we again end up in the cycle of entering NC
Hi kevin,
I msged him next day that be my friend as I need him too and understand my anger as it is my pain.......I know this time I have messed it all up and finally lost all chance... it gives me immense pain as I have found him blocking me on his phone now and after that his writin a post on his fb wall where he says 'here i go on an april mornin ,,,i am leaving the storm behind my back and standing on my own waiting for the sun'......and sadly to every comment he has posted he is liked by his gf and she poses to give him the comfort as he loses that support from my side.............i am in tears as i know i have lost it.....oh it hurts....I was not manipulative,,I just wanted him to be with me so that I could support him,,,I loved him and I couldnt pose to be a friend in constraiints well knowin he shares his days and nights with the other female...was I wrong? I dont knw,,,I am a human...But till date I hope a miracle and pray that one day he sees the support I always was giving by being there and answering him in all these days despite knowing that he was the one who broke and left me....I wanted to give this relation another chance but I guess the other female tactfully shunted me out of his life forever by showing she stands with him and making him loose his faith in me that I can give him the support he needs ..............Kevin, i dont know the psychology of men,,I just know I was true...I hv loved him a lot,,till date he is in my prayers.......what do u think,,,has this relation ended,,,and if there is still a chance pls pls pls tell me how to tackle this situation as I dont want to loose this man,,aswe really had the most beautiful moments when we were together as a couple
Thanks Kevin...But just one more major advice I want to get from u...Can you please shed some light on this........In future how to know that he has come back to me this time with a final commitment to me ....i mean in this past whole year I have seen him coming back to me when ever he starts feeling very low and I reply and be with him thinking that he has come back just to discover it later he hasnt.....now i am confused,,,sometimes when things go wrong between him and his new gf, I be there so that he comes back to me but soon i realize that he still hasnt come back.......Please kevin tell me one thing,,this time should I cut all contact with him even as a friend and wait ..............what if that gives him a wrong signal and he looses all faith in our relation and thinks that I am not capable of giving him motional support and so he decides it is best to stay from me anyway......I mean Deep down I want him, I love him and I care for him...is it good to be there as a friend to show him my strength despite all adversities or is it that staying in no contact even if he tries to talk to me in his low mood seeking for an emotional support a wise step to take? Please please please advise...should I wait and be whenever things go wrong between them as he comes back to me for support or is it that should I completely vanish from his life till they both completely break up and then see if he comes back??
Please tell me when does a girl know that her ex has left his new gf and finally come back to her? Till past one year I have been juggling betwwen this confusion as everytime when he messages and is desperate to talk to me saying he misses me I think he has come back but later i find him again go completely cold as he again cut off and enter a nc with me.....please advise.......he says he loves me,,,i also love him soo much then still why so utter confusion that nothing is working and we again end up in the cycle of entering NC
Hi kevin,
I msged him next day that be my friend as I need him too and understand my anger as it is my pain.......I know this time I have messed it all up and finally lost all chance... it gives me immense pain as I have found him blocking me on his phone now and after that his writin a post on his fb wall where he says 'here i go on an april mornin ,,,i am leaving the storm behind my back and standing on my own waiting for the sun'......and sadly to every comment he has posted he is liked by his gf and she poses to give him the comfort as he loses that support from my side.............i am in tears as i know i have lost it.....oh it hurts....I was not manipulative,,I just wanted him to be with me so that I could support him,,,I loved him and I couldnt pose to be a friend in constraiints well knowin he shares his days and nights with the other female...was I wrong? I dont knw,,,I am a human...But till date I hope a miracle and pray that one day he sees the support I always was giving by being there and answering him in all these days despite knowing that he was the one who broke and left me....I wanted to give this relation another chance but I guess the other female tactfully shunted me out of his life forever by showing she stands with him and making him loose his faith in me that I can give him the support he needs ..............Kevin, i dont know the psychology of men,,I just know I was true...I hv loved him a lot,,till date he is in my prayers.......what do u think,,,has this relation ended,,,and if there is still a chance pls pls pls tell me how to tackle this situation as I dont want to loose this man,,aswe really had the most beautiful moments when we were together as a couple
Thanks Kevin...But just one more major advice I want to get from u...Can you please shed some light on this........In future how to know that he has come back to me this time with a final commitment to me ....i mean in this past whole year I have seen him coming back to me when ever he starts feeling very low and I reply and be with him thinking that he has come back just to discover it later he hasnt.....now i am confused,,,sometimes when things go wrong between him and his new gf, I be there so that he comes back to me but soon i realize that he still hasnt come back.......Please kevin tell me one thing,,this time should I cut all contact with him even as a friend and wait ..............what if that gives him a wrong signal and he looses all faith in our relation and thinks that I am not capable of giving him motional support and so he decides it is best to stay from me anyway......I mean Deep down I want him, I love him and I care for him...is it good to be there as a friend to show him my strength despite all adversities or is it that staying in no contact even if he tries to talk to me in his low mood seeking for an emotional support a wise step to take? Please please please advise...should I wait and be whenever things go wrong between them as he comes back to me for support or is it that should I completely vanish from his life till they both completely break up and then see if he comes back??
Please tell me when does a girl know that her ex has left his new gf and finally come back to her? Till past one year I have been juggling betwwen this confusion as everytime when he messages and is desperate to talk to me saying he misses me I think he has come back but later i find him again go completely cold as he again cut off and enter a nc with me.....please advise.......he says he loves me,,,i also love him soo much then still why so utter confusion that nothing is working and we again end up in the cycle of entering NC
Hi kevin,
I msged him next day that be my friend as I need him too and understand my anger as it is my pain.......I know this time I have messed it all up and finally lost all chance... it gives me immense pain as I have found him blocking me on his phone now and after that his writin a post on his fb wall where he says 'here i go on an april mornin ,,,i am leaving the storm behind my back and standing on my own waiting for the sun'......and sadly to every comment he has posted he is liked by his gf and she poses to give him the comfort as he loses that support from my side.............i am in tears as i know i have lost it.....oh it hurts....I was not manipulative,,I just wanted him to be with me so that I could support him,,,I loved him and I couldnt pose to be a friend in constraiints well knowin he shares his days and nights with the other female...was I wrong? I dont knw,,,I am a human...But till date I hope a miracle and pray that one day he sees the support I always was giving by being there and answering him in all these days despite knowing that he was the one who broke and left me....I wanted to give this relation another chance but I guess the other female tactfully shunted me out of his life forever by showing she stands with him and making him loose his faith in me that I can give him the support he needs ..............Kevin, i dont know the psychology of men,,I just know I was true...I hv loved him a lot,,till date he is in my prayers.......what do u think,,,has this relation ended,,,and if there is still a chance pls pls pls tell me how to tackle this situation as I dont want to loose this man,,aswe really had the most beautiful moments when we were together as a couple
Thanks Kevin...But just one more major advice I want to get from u...Can you please shed some light on this........In future how to know that he has come back to me this time with a final commitment to me ....i mean in this past whole year I have seen him coming back to me when ever he starts feeling very low and I reply and be with him thinking that he has come back just to discover it later he hasnt.....now i am confused,,,sometimes when things go wrong between him and his new gf, I be there so that he comes back to me but soon i realize that he still hasnt come back.......Please kevin tell me one thing,,this time should I cut all contact with him even as a friend and wait ..............what if that gives him a wrong signal and he looses all faith in our relation and thinks that I am not capable of giving him motional support and so he decides it is best to stay from me anyway......I mean Deep down I want him, I love him and I care for him...is it good to be there as a friend to show him my strength despite all adversities or is it that staying in no contact even if he tries to talk to me in his low mood seeking for an emotional support a wise step to take? Please please please advise...should I wait and be whenever things go wrong between them as he comes back to me for support or is it that should I completely vanish from his life till they both completely break up and then see if he comes back??
Please tell me when does a girl know that her ex has left his new gf and finally come back to her? Till past one year I have been juggling betwwen this confusion as everytime when he messages and is desperate to talk to me saying he misses me I think he has come back but later i find him again go completely cold as he again cut off and enter a nc with me.....please advise.......he says he loves me,,,i also love him soo much then still why so utter confusion that nothing is working and we again end up in the cycle of entering NC
Hey K,
You did what you think was good for you. You did what you had to do keep your mental peace. So, you didn't do anything wrong. I think he will try contacting you again, but I'll recommend you stick with your decision as being friends with him is hard for you emotionally and you should put yourself through it. If he does come back in the future, it's great. But even if he doesn't you have to accept that it's OK and you'll be fine without him.
Hey K,
You did what you think was good for you. You did what you had to do keep your mental peace. So, you didn't do anything wrong. I think he will try contacting you again, but I'll recommend you stick with your decision as being friends with him is hard for you emotionally and you should put yourself through it. If he does come back in the future, it's great. But even if he doesn't you have to accept that it's OK and you'll be fine without him.
Hey K,
You did what you think was good for you. You did what you had to do keep your mental peace. So, you didn't do anything wrong. I think he will try contacting you again, but I'll recommend you stick with your decision as being friends with him is hard for you emotionally and you should put yourself through it. If he does come back in the future, it's great. But even if he doesn't you have to accept that it's OK and you'll be fine without him.
Hi Kevin,
Mailing u after a month now...a lot happened in this month....he came back to me and started initiating contact wid me again in march.....he was desperate to talk wid me and wanted me to be dere wid him,,he said he missed me a lot and all the moments we shared together in love ..... and always kept saying u are my only true friend and i value u a lot.....i wanted to again start nc as adviced by u but couldnt as he really wanted me to not stop contact and stay with him as a true friend.....I guess i got weak too as I really love him so we both kept messaging and this time he wd reply all my msgs even if it ws late nite.......bt then I made a terrible mistake...I knew he ws still with the other girl and jst tht things may not be going great between them so he chose to cm bck to me for emotional support....it made me jealous and sadly I started accusing him of being selfish by using me like this....I told him either u be with me as my man or dont expect me to be there to give you support as being a female who ws already in relation wid u in the past I cant just stay as a support to other female's man..........it hurts me as i still love you.......he all this time remained good to me and just kept telling me 'help me please dont fight with me'......slowly the conversation again started reaching that point where we both subtly started blaming each odr that why in the first place he left me one year bck.......still we both stayed in touch and talked as friends.....I dont know then yesterday all of a sudden our conversation turned and became little close. But before it became close he sensed what was happening and that perhaps this friendship ws turning to another level again so he all of a sudden said he wasnt feeling good and said we will talk later plz.......i said ok to him at that point....bt after sm tym at nite and early morning I simply told him that I am cutting all contact wid him any further as I cant be a support to a man who is still with another...bt in case in future you have the strength and desire to spend your life with me then please do come back, I love u ,god bless u...............I dont knw kevin although he was dere now and i know that had I been more tactful atleast I could have been succesful in making him desire for me as our friendship ws really growing wid each passing day and he was actually telling me each day that he really missed me whole day........bt just because I knew the other girl is still in his life I just felt such friendship has no foundation.......Its just yesterday tht I messaged him this,,,,I dont know if he shall reply me or not because till now he hasnt...........i am so confused ...I want this man to come back to me and like a fool when this time he came to revive the friendship I just couldnt hold him .......I dnt want to live a fake relation kevin...i just want that we should not cheat ourselves,,if we love each other we should accept it and if we dont then why this drama of giving support to each other as friends...thats going to hurt us more,,isn't it? I mean I love him bt I have to just behave and remain in the constraints of being a friend while I know he is with another! Perhaps that is why I told him that I wont contact him further ..........my question to u now is that did I do the right thing or have I closed all doors of the possibilty of our reunion? In this month there were times when he revealed his love for me and how much he missed me but I dont know I think I couldnt handle a tricky situation to hold him and not to create a distance between us again....Secondly,, what should I do now?? What if he messages me a simple hi or a simple message after few days,,what if tries to talk to me thru messages?? I think he will do that because I could feel his love for me ,,,its just that he seems he has lost the confidence that the relation has the power to hold him emotionally.....and what if i have comitted a blunder this time and he actually thinks that NC is going to be good option for us and he becomes further close to other girl thinking that I am unable to support him emotionally??? Please advice
Hi Kevin,
Mailing u after a month now...a lot happened in this month....he came back to me and started initiating contact wid me again in march.....he was desperate to talk wid me and wanted me to be dere wid him,,he said he missed me a lot and all the moments we shared together in love ..... and always kept saying u are my only true friend and i value u a lot.....i wanted to again start nc as adviced by u but couldnt as he really wanted me to not stop contact and stay with him as a true friend.....I guess i got weak too as I really love him so we both kept messaging and this time he wd reply all my msgs even if it ws late nite.......bt then I made a terrible mistake...I knew he ws still with the other girl and jst tht things may not be going great between them so he chose to cm bck to me for emotional support....it made me jealous and sadly I started accusing him of being selfish by using me like this....I told him either u be with me as my man or dont expect me to be there to give you support as being a female who ws already in relation wid u in the past I cant just stay as a support to other female's man..........it hurts me as i still love you.......he all this time remained good to me and just kept telling me 'help me please dont fight with me'......slowly the conversation again started reaching that point where we both subtly started blaming each odr that why in the first place he left me one year bck.......still we both stayed in touch and talked as friends.....I dont know then yesterday all of a sudden our conversation turned and became little close. But before it became close he sensed what was happening and that perhaps this friendship ws turning to another level again so he all of a sudden said he wasnt feeling good and said we will talk later plz.......i said ok to him at that point....bt after sm tym at nite and early morning I simply told him that I am cutting all contact wid him any further as I cant be a support to a man who is still with another...bt in case in future you have the strength and desire to spend your life with me then please do come back, I love u ,god bless u...............I dont knw kevin although he was dere now and i know that had I been more tactful atleast I could have been succesful in making him desire for me as our friendship ws really growing wid each passing day and he was actually telling me each day that he really missed me whole day........bt just because I knew the other girl is still in his life I just felt such friendship has no foundation.......Its just yesterday tht I messaged him this,,,,I dont know if he shall reply me or not because till now he hasnt...........i am so confused ...I want this man to come back to me and like a fool when this time he came to revive the friendship I just couldnt hold him .......I dnt want to live a fake relation kevin...i just want that we should not cheat ourselves,,if we love each other we should accept it and if we dont then why this drama of giving support to each other as friends...thats going to hurt us more,,isn't it? I mean I love him bt I have to just behave and remain in the constraints of being a friend while I know he is with another! Perhaps that is why I told him that I wont contact him further ..........my question to u now is that did I do the right thing or have I closed all doors of the possibilty of our reunion? In this month there were times when he revealed his love for me and how much he missed me but I dont know I think I couldnt handle a tricky situation to hold him and not to create a distance between us again....Secondly,, what should I do now?? What if he messages me a simple hi or a simple message after few days,,what if tries to talk to me thru messages?? I think he will do that because I could feel his love for me ,,,its just that he seems he has lost the confidence that the relation has the power to hold him emotionally.....and what if i have comitted a blunder this time and he actually thinks that NC is going to be good option for us and he becomes further close to other girl thinking that I am unable to support him emotionally??? Please advice
I don't think you messed up really bad. It's OK that you messaged him. I will suggest that you start NC again. This time, tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you till the time you contact him first.
hey kevin,
its been 5 days since ldr breakup with my gf,
i did the mistake by begging to her to give me another chance. but she refused. since then i accepted it and immediately started NC, so now is day 5 of NC.
does NC also work for long distance break up?
we had this ldr for this past 1,5 months after 13 months together, because she goes to college overseas for 1 year, where we can meet again in february next year.
and do i need to block his fb, line, bbm or etc?
she ever asked me to not delete her, because it looks like immature.
please i need ur advice
thanks in advance
You don't have to block her unless looking at her profile is keeping you from concentrating on yourself. And yes NC does work for LDR.
hey kevin,
why i keep thinking that i should text her once in a few days, because she currently in overseas, and i just think i shouldve been someone that care and encourage her.
am i wrong?
im 22 and she is 20 btw.
and i just want to give a suggestion,
i think its much better if you create a forum in this website.
Well, messaging her every few days just to show her you care is a little needy in my opinion. Whenever your no contact is over, contact her using the texts in the article.
As of now, my plan is to keep this website as a blog. Perhaps some time in the future, I'll add a forum. Thanks for the suggestion.
Well, messaging her every few days just to show her you care is a little needy in my opinion. Whenever your no contact is over, contact her using the texts in the article.
As of now, my plan is to keep this website as a blog. Perhaps some time in the future, I'll add a forum. Thanks for the suggestion.
Well, messaging her every few days just to show her you care is a little needy in my opinion. Whenever your no contact is over, contact her using the texts in the article.
As of now, my plan is to keep this website as a blog. Perhaps some time in the future, I'll add a forum. Thanks for the suggestion.
Well, messaging her every few days just to show her you care is a little needy in my opinion. Whenever your no contact is over, contact her using the texts in the article.
As of now, my plan is to keep this website as a blog. Perhaps some time in the future, I'll add a forum. Thanks for the suggestion.
hey kevin,
why i keep thinking that i should text her once in a few days, because she currently in overseas, and i just think i shouldve been someone that care and encourage her.
am i wrong?
im 22 and she is 20 btw.
and i just want to give a suggestion,
i think its much better if you create a forum in this website.
hey kevin,
why i keep thinking that i should text her once in a few days, because she currently in overseas, and i just think i shouldve been someone that care and encourage her.
am i wrong?
im 22 and she is 20 btw.
and i just want to give a suggestion,
i think its much better if you create a forum in this website.
You don't have to block her unless looking at her profile is keeping you from concentrating on yourself. And yes NC does work for LDR.
When you write is it posted immediately? Thanks!
Hey Susan,
If you are talking about comments, No. I have to approve the comment first before it is posted here.
Hey Susan,
If you are talking about comments, No. I have to approve the comment first before it is posted here.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I were together for 2 years and had a huge fight and broke up the day before valentines. I did NC for a week, however, at the beginning of the second week I had an emergency and i contacted him. The next day I asked him if our relationship was really over and he said "guess so" and he asked if i am going to be okay and I said I don't know then he said that "we can still talk".. After convo he would message like 5 days apart and asks how i am doing and I would respond causally and say "I'm good and U?" and he would respond "he's ok" and that's the end of the conversation...My question is what did he mean by saying that "we can still talk?" Does it mean that he's confused about his feelings but at the same time he still wants me or is he attempting to start a friendship relationship?
Also, do you think I should do the 30 days of NC and avoid responding to him at all cost? I have a feeling if i ignore his text during this period, he would completely ignore me when i decide to contact him after NC. I look forward to your advice.
Thanks Mel
Hey Melissa,
I think he just wanted to let you know that he is available to talk to you if you need him. He probably does have still have feelings for you, but that sentence doesn't have anything to do with it.
You can just tell him that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting him for a while before starting no contact.
Hi Kevin,
So I had a conversation with my ex and he said that he still care about me because I am a good person..I need your advice on how I should deal with this and make him attracted to me again..
Thanks for your time and advice...Mel
Like I said in my previous comment, start no contact. If he contacts you, let him know you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Hey Kevin,
I was thinking to send a text like this " Hey, Adam.. i just need some time and space right now and I would appreciate it if you don't contact me for awhile..thanks for understanding...
What do you think?
Sounds good to me.
Sounds good to me.
Sounds good to me.
Sounds good to me.
Sounds good to me.
Sounds good to me.
Thank you for your advice Kevin,, very grateful for your help...Just a quick question, do I wait until he message me to say this or just send a random text telling him?
Thanks Mel
Hey Kevin,
I was thinking to send a text like this " Hey, Adam.. i just need some time and space right now and I would appreciate it if you don't contact me for awhile..thanks for understanding...
What do you think?
Thank you for your advice Kevin,, very grateful for your help...Just a quick question, do I wait until he message me to say this or just send a random text telling him?
Thanks Mel
Hey Kevin,
I was thinking to send a text like this " Hey, Adam.. i just need some time and space right now and I would appreciate it if you don't contact me for awhile..thanks for understanding...
What do you think?
Thank you for your advice Kevin,, very grateful for your help...Just a quick question, do I wait until he message me to say this or just send a random text telling him?
Thanks Mel
Hey Kevin,
I was thinking to send a text like this " Hey, Adam.. i just need some time and space right now and I would appreciate it if you don't contact me for awhile..thanks for understanding...
What do you think?
Thank you for your advice Kevin,, very grateful for your help...Just a quick question, do I wait until he message me to say this or just send a random text telling him?
Thanks Mel
Hey Kevin,
I was thinking to send a text like this " Hey, Adam.. i just need some time and space right now and I would appreciate it if you don't contact me for awhile..thanks for understanding...
What do you think?
Thank you for your advice Kevin,, very grateful for your help...Just a quick question, do I wait until he message me to say this or just send a random text telling him?
Thanks Mel
Like I said in my previous comment, start no contact. If he contacts you, let him know you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Like I said in my previous comment, start no contact. If he contacts you, let him know you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Like I said in my previous comment, start no contact. If he contacts you, let him know you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Hi Kevin,
So I had a conversation with my ex and he said that he still care about me because I am a good person..I need your advice on how I should deal with this and make him attracted to me again..
Thanks for your time and advice...Mel
Hi Kevin,
So I had a conversation with my ex and he said that he still care about me because I am a good person..I need your advice on how I should deal with this and make him attracted to me again..
Thanks for your time and advice...Mel
Hey Melissa,
I think he just wanted to let you know that he is available to talk to you if you need him. He probably does have still have feelings for you, but that sentence doesn't have anything to do with it.
You can just tell him that you need some space and time and you won't be contacting him for a while before starting no contact.
Hi kevin, thanks for the great article!
ive a couple questions!
basically this girl was crazy about me up until a month ago, we werent in a relationship because i had issues with my ex to sort out, but we kept in contact nearly every day for a year!, we would meet up and she told me how much she loved me etc.
so finally i no the time is right for me mentally to make something serious with her, but now she wants me gone and nothing to do with me, saying she doesnt want anything to do with me.
so the last few times we have talked, ive been desperate and needy and begging. she has told me she has met someone (since last week) and has been happier then ever (even though she used to say i was the best thing in her life)
so im basically on day 3 of no contact (struggling badly) but i wont be contacting her.
my question is this, should i keep everything like facebook statuses and snapchat stories private so she cant see them and keep some mystery to me or should i keep them public so she can see how great i am doing without her?
2. also my top friend on snapchat is a girl, the last 2 times we talked she made a point of asking me about her straight away (this girl is very hot, but ive no interest in anything serious with her) and seemed jealous, but at the same time said she cant trust me ( i pointed out im single and her top friends are guys too). can jealousy help during the no contact phase i.e having other girls in my top friends list or could it push her further away?
its hard to have one minute crazy about me and the next wanting nothing to do with me
thanks for any help!
Keep fb public. Yes, jealousy can help. Just don't make it obvious you are trying to make her jealous.
Keep fb public. Yes, jealousy can help. Just don't make it obvious you are trying to make her jealous.
Hello Kevin,
Great work, however may I ask, they say time is a healer, so giving space, will create them to move on and get over us too?
Yes, time does heal. But it also makes your ex miss you. If you stay no contact for a long time (like 6 months) then it's quite possible that they will move on. I suggest a no contact of 30 days to 90 days. During this time, it does heal the pain of the breakup and it gives them time to forget about the negativity of the breakup, but it doesn't give them enough time to completely move on.
Yes, time does heal. But it also makes your ex miss you. If you stay no contact for a long time (like 6 months) then it's quite possible that they will move on. I suggest a no contact of 30 days to 90 days. During this time, it does heal the pain of the breakup and it gives them time to forget about the negativity of the breakup, but it doesn't give them enough time to completely move on.
Man I cant believe the material on this page . Thank you Kevin you have done more for my peace of mind than any friend I have. you have unbiased answers to all my questions. I swear your spot on . #3 is my life right now. #1 was last night I did the no contact thing but broke down and wrote her a email , then i text her to tell her to check her email. she had already (wow i didn't think she was ) then it opened the lines of communication. we text for while last night . She never thought I would change and I'm slowly proving that I have become a happier person. But i think after that deep conversation shes going to go cold again well see. should I text her tonight or leave her alone again no contact?? Thank you for helping me . first time i have ever wanted an ex back. and I'm 37.... Ive never felt like this in my life.
Hey Steve,
I'm glad you find the article helpful. I'll suggest you wait at least one more week before contacting her.
Hey Steve,
I'm glad you find the article helpful. I'll suggest you wait at least one more week before contacting her.
I have already done the no contact rule for 3 wks, me&my boyfriend dated for 5yrs he left me because he said he didn't feel the same which is hard for me to believe, I don't know what to do next since it's already getting close to a month and I don't feel it is my part to go look for me since he was the one who broke up with me, it's just hard to believe he'll come looking for me because of his pride
Hey Zulema,
Don't let pride stop you from reaching out to him. In my opinion, it doesn't matter that much if you contact him first. What matters is what your attitude is when you contact him.
What do you mean by attitude? I don't feel it's my pride, we've had other break up before where I brake up with him and look for him, I think he needs to love me enough to come look for me, but I don't know if that is the right thinking
If you are not needy and confident when you contact him, he will pick up on it and will be attracted to you. On the other hand, if he contacts you first, and you act needy and/or desperate, he will probably pull away.
If you are not needy and confident when you contact him, he will pick up on it and will be attracted to you. On the other hand, if he contacts you first, and you act needy and/or desperate, he will probably pull away.
If you are not needy and confident when you contact him, he will pick up on it and will be attracted to you. On the other hand, if he contacts you first, and you act needy and/or desperate, he will probably pull away.
If you are not needy and confident when you contact him, he will pick up on it and will be attracted to you. On the other hand, if he contacts you first, and you act needy and/or desperate, he will probably pull away.
What do you mean by attitude? I don't feel it's my pride, we've had other break up before where I brake up with him and look for him, I think he needs to love me enough to come look for me, but I don't know if that is the right thinking
What do you mean by attitude? I don't feel it's my pride, we've had other break up before where I brake up with him and look for him, I think he needs to love me enough to come look for me, but I don't know if that is the right thinking
Hey Zulema,
Don't let pride stop you from reaching out to him. In my opinion, it doesn't matter that much if you contact him first. What matters is what your attitude is when you contact him.
Hi Kevin been away from my girl friend for about a month now... all the while i want her back even more...there is no means of communications though ...as its a long distance...not sure what i could do
Send her the letter mentioned in the article. Or send her one of the texts.
emailing would do? Because she changed her number and also the written letter am worried if that's going to reach someone in her house. On the 1st of March without my intention something got triggered and i got a message from her cousin that she feels am harassing her n she might even book a case against me .....not really sure whats happening
emailing would do? Because she changed her number and also the written letter am worried if that's going to reach someone in her house. On the 1st of March without my intention something got triggered and i got a message from her cousin that she feels am harassing her n she might even book a case against me .....not really sure whats happening
emailing would do? Because she changed her number and also the written letter am worried if that's going to reach someone in her house. On the 1st of March without my intention something got triggered and i got a message from her cousin that she feels am harassing her n she might even book a case against me .....not really sure whats happening
Send her the letter mentioned in the article. Or send her one of the texts.
Hi, Kevin my name is Michael me and my ex broke up the week before our 3 year anniversary I asked her why and she brought up things from the past and saying I was too jealous and that I didn't care about her or love her. Our relationship is a long distance one now since she moved away to go to school but because of work i haven't been able to go see her for three months. But before that i was seeing her once or twice a month and it had worked for 6 months and now this is happening. She is acting really different going out and partying and drinking and she never used to do that and she is ignoring me completely what do I do.
Hey,
I don't think there is anything you can do to stop her from partying and drinking. Your best bet is apply no contact, make some positive changes and then contact her again.
Hey,
I don't think there is anything you can do to stop her from partying and drinking. Your best bet is apply no contact, make some positive changes and then contact her again.
Hi Kevin,
I have been with my ex fiance for 7 years. We have been through everything together, we lived together for 5 of those years. He has had some traumatic screwed up things happen to him over the years where he would take out his emotions on our relationship. He would tell me he is not happy with me, with no explanation as to why. At one point I moved out of our apartment, after a couple of weeks of no contact he came begging for me back. Throughout this time we both moved back to our parents house, his mom has a finished basement, so when we got back together we lived there... anyways... I know this is dragging. His sister has just been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor, and again, made my ex fiance take out his emotions on our relationship. He told me he wanted me to move out so I did, and I am back at my parents. I did no contact, including not contacting him on our 7 year anniversary... it killed me but I did it. After the 30 days I sent him a text bringing up a good part of our relationship... he was so happy I reached out to him, he couldnt stop texting me. I was barely answering back. He told me he misses me and still loves me and wants to see me. We where supposed to meet up but that same day he sent me a text saying he is now, from that night, in a relationship... with a 35 year old tattooed woman (we are 24 by the way) who has a kid and the DSS has the kid since she doesnt take care of him and parties, she has no job and no car... this is NOT the girl my ex fiance would EVER go for. Now he is posting it all over FB of pictures of them, saying they are in love... when they just met eachother 3 days ago... Please explain to me what is going on...
It's most probably a rebound. Perhaps, being with a careless person make shim forget about his responsibilities and worries in life. Not an ideal way to cope with life difficulties but many people choose it. I think you should start no contact again and stay away from facebook for a while.
I found out this woman does some heavy drugs. So this relationship cant be love, it has to be drug related. Who tells people they love eachother only after 3 days of knowing eachother? Clearly he is not thinking of his future with this woman because she is just a big mess. We have had a beautiful 7 years together... I thought I was going to marry this person. Thank god i didnt... but i still love him. How can this woman replace all we have had in 7 years in just a matter of 3 days? I barely contact him... I am not your typical psycho ex girlfriend. I am just letting him drive the car thats bound to crash eventually.
I found out this woman does some heavy drugs. So this relationship cant be love, it has to be drug related. Who tells people they love eachother only after 3 days of knowing eachother? Clearly he is not thinking of his future with this woman because she is just a big mess. We have had a beautiful 7 years together... I thought I was going to marry this person. Thank god i didnt... but i still love him. How can this woman replace all we have had in 7 years in just a matter of 3 days? I barely contact him... I am not your typical psycho ex girlfriend. I am just letting him drive the car thats bound to crash eventually.
I found out this woman does some heavy drugs. So this relationship cant be love, it has to be drug related. Who tells people they love eachother only after 3 days of knowing eachother? Clearly he is not thinking of his future with this woman because she is just a big mess. We have had a beautiful 7 years together... I thought I was going to marry this person. Thank god i didnt... but i still love him. How can this woman replace all we have had in 7 years in just a matter of 3 days? I barely contact him... I am not your typical psycho ex girlfriend. I am just letting him drive the car thats bound to crash eventually.
It's most probably a rebound. Perhaps, being with a careless person make shim forget about his responsibilities and worries in life. Not an ideal way to cope with life difficulties but many people choose it. I think you should start no contact again and stay away from facebook for a while.
My bf broke up with me a week and a half ago..he texted me three time last week to find out some stuff..no long conversations though...i broke down on Sat nite and emailed him about my feelings and how much he hurt me and stuff and how he just tossed me aside after three years like i meant nuttin to him...however i didnt beg or ask to get back together...I did tell him that i dont think we can be friends ....He has not texted me since saturday nite...I decided that since sunday i would start the NC rule..Which i have religiously done thus far...However I am losing hope that he wants me back...Does his no contact or silence show signs that he does not want me back or mean that he doesnt have feelings for me ne more?Is there is chance for me getting him back?
His no contact can mean a lot of things. But I think you have a decent chance of getting him back.
His no contact can mean a lot of things. But I think you have a decent chance of getting him back.
Hey kevin, i met a guy 8months ago at first date we kissed and the second date we had sex,as i found out later i think i was the rebound relationship or i better say rebound date cause then after just 2 dates he got back to his ex girlfriend and told me to not contacting him, when i caught him posting on her ex girlfriend Facebook wall we had a huge fight and he called it Quits , on the other hand after 7months no contact,i have checked his girlfriend Facebook page everyday and he knows that i can see what she shares he doesn't post on her wall as much as he used to do before he has met me and their status doesn't show anything like weather they are single or in a relationship but their profile picture is a picture of them together, i also change my profile picture, its a picture of me with a guy but I did it FIRST and THEN he changed his picture with a picture of them together , do you think this is again a rebound relationship for him ? he has known this girl for 3 years and known me for only 8 months but two dates only so do you think i have a chance if i contact him?
Love your articles,
Thank you
Hey,
To be honest, I think your chances are slim. And you will only be wasting your time if you pursue him. But if you want, you can contact him one final time to see where he is at. If it seems he is committed to her, you'll be better off moving on.
Hey,
To be honest, I think your chances are slim. And you will only be wasting your time if you pursue him. But if you want, you can contact him one final time to see where he is at. If it seems he is committed to her, you'll be better off moving on.
The girlfriend that I've had for about a year and a half left me about a month ago. We were very close and talked for hours every day. We had our whole lives planned out together and we were planning to get married in a few years. We kept it secret because we thought that if her parents found out they would be constantly watching us and would make it very difficult. In the last month of the relationship she started getting very depressed and she was depressing me too. I was worried sick about her and I felt like I was loosing her and I came across as very needy. She said she couldn't handle being in a relationship for a while and she said she needed some time away to start feeling better. About 5 days after we broke up she told me she was already with this other guy. I couldn't believe it and I made a lot of the mistakes you talked about like calling her all the time and begging and stuff. I've been worried sick about her because this new guy is a smooth talking player who doesn't really care who his girlfriend is as long as he has one but she seems to think she's in love with him and she seems to be trying to replace me with him. I tried to convince her to leave him because he's going to get her really hurt and in a lot of trouble but she says she "loves" him and she won't. I know it's not really him that she loves so much as it is the fact that he makes her happy and he's fun but she won't listen to me. She recently turned 18 and seems to think she can do what ever she wants. She still wants me to be one of her best friends but she doesn't want me for her boyfriend any more. I read your article about the no contact rule and the 5 step plan. What should I do?
Follow the advise in the 5 step plan. It is probably a rebound.
Follow the advise in the 5 step plan. It is probably a rebound.
Hey Kevin, so me and my ex-boyfriend had been dating for about 3 years, and we broke up a week after valentine’s day over something stupid that i did. me and my friends got a ride home from a guy that my ex doesn't like. now when i got the ride from him i didn’t know that my ex still didn’t like him. and my ex was nowhere to be found. so when i got home, he texted me and asked me where i was. i told him that i was home, he asked me how and i told him that my friend Sayquan drove me and my friends home. my ex was pissed. he said i was wrong, and i wanted to avoid an argument so i just replied back with an “ok”. the next day, he doesn’t really talk to me, i’m thinking “ok, he’s still mad it’s cool he will get over it.” but no we got into a text-fight and i was confused as why he was so angry, it was all innocent, and he told me that he didn’t like the guy but wouldn't give me a reason why. i said “but Sayquan likes you, so why don’t you like him?” and he replies with “i don’t care, if i got into a car with a girl that you don’t like it would be like world war 3”. so, me being angry, me and my friends got a ride home again. and my ex broke up with me saying that i didn’t respect him. he was trying explain to me that it was a big deal, while me and a lot of other people don’t think so. so i saw how he felt and how much i hurt him and apologized a lot to him. and a week after we broke up i hear that he has a new girlfriend. i ask him about it, crying because he told me that we were just taking a break and he never told me that he wanted to move on. he told me no, he didn't have a girlfriend and he’s not ready to move on. well he told me to stop crying and to come to his house later so we could talk. when we talked i explained to him why i did it and how it was innocent it was just a ride home, and he told me how i disrespected him, and he told me that we were going to get back together but just not right now, he said he needed time to get his mind right. so i was a little sad but i accepted what he wanted, and after that, we had sex… the day after that i found out that it is true that he has a new girlfriend and i asked him why did he lie to me, and why he didn't tell me he was ready to move on, and he said it wasn't the right time to tell me. so i was just a mess i didn't know how to feel or what to do. and we talked again, last Friday and he told me that he just can’t break up with her because that’s mean, and i know it’s a rebound relationship like who gets a new girlfriend a week after you've been in a relationship with someone else for about 3 years?? and last Friday we had sex, again, yes it’s terrible, and he was texting me all weekend and i spent the whole day with him monday and then tuesday he acts like i don’t even exist like does he feel guilty for keep cheating on her with me? and i told him that i will not be his side chick and he said he knows and we keep having sex, twice monday, so a total of 5 times since they've been dating, they've been dating for 2 weeks now. And today he texted me and i told him to leave me alone, he asked me why and i said “because i’m tired of you playing mind games with me.” he replies “i’m really not i’m not playing games with you.” And so i told him that it feels like he used me for sex and he said it’s not going to happen again. And i told him how it was wrong how he keeps having sex with me and he’s dating her. He told me that it’s not going to happen again and that me and him will just remain as friends. He thought that i hated him and i told him i didn’t i just wanted him to grow up and make up his mind, he flat out told me that he wants to date other people, i asked him if he was choosing her over me, he replied yes and i replied “ok good”. He asked me if everything is really good, and i said, “yeah, i just wanted you to tell me the truth and you did.” so he said ok, and for confirmation i asked him “so you made up your mind, it’s her right?” and he said yes. and then i asked him why would he choose a new girl over a girl that has stuck by his side for the longest, and he said that she respects him, i said i always respected him, and he said no i didn't, and i told him that he didn't always respect me either, and he told me that i was right. and so basically after that i told him that im happy that i can move on now that i know that we probably won’t be getting back together, and i told him that everything is all good because we’re both happy, and he said “right”. but i know i lied and he lied too. we’re both not 100% happy. i’m upset but trying to cover it up as best as i can especially when i see him. I mean i want him back but then i don’t know because this situation really hurts and i don’t know what goes on in a man’s head i’m just still a little confused.
I have a feeling he just used that incident as an excuse to end the relationship. Perhaps he was already dissatisfied and it had been on his mind for some time to breakup. I think you should apply no contact for a couple of months and then contact him again.
I have a feeling he just used that incident as an excuse to end the relationship. Perhaps he was already dissatisfied and it had been on his mind for some time to breakup. I think you should apply no contact for a couple of months and then contact him again.
Dear Kevin,
I was in a long distance relationship for 4 and half years and last November, he confessed that he cheated on me. Since our parents knew about us , I had to tell them what happened and they advised me to end the relationship. Even after the break up we were contacting each other on and off. He was still checking on me in January but I discovered he was flirting with a girl he had found on Facebook and that girl told me she had known him for three weeks and that they are in love. She told me I'm his past and she is his future. She also knew about me and the other girl who he cheated on me with.
I didn't contact him for one good month and he send me a really emotional song and I ended up sending him a poem in reply to that song ( What I wrote was that I wasnt going to wait for him :p ) . He sent me a reply saying that poem made him cry and that he 's sorry but I didn't reply to it whatsoever.
A couple of weeks passed and my sister has contacted him and he has asked about me and has told her not to tell me that he asked , my sister has told him that I am jealous with his new gf ( I was but not anymore) and she has told him that Im doing meditation and that I was at a retreat that day ( I m trying all the things to keep my mind at peace).He has told my sister that he misses me so much at times. He has told that it was my fault that I told my parents. He has asked my sister to help me recover.
I was furious to learn that my sister did that and I called him to say I wasnt jealous ( which is silly) but he didn't pick the phone . He didn't even return my call or reply to my simple text ( it's been two days now and my text was " are u there" ) .This is the first time he ignored me since the break up and I feel terrible about it. And his facebook gf has deactivated her profile since two days. I feel like I messed up everything by acting in the heat of the situation and killing the curiosity. Why do you think he ignored me ? pls help me. Thank you
Hello Kevin,
Thank you for your response. You are right! he might have visited your website and trying the NC rule :p :D
Omg I can't come to terms with the fact that he 'll be moving to the town and will be in someone else's arms this time! We used to have a great time together :( .Is there any possibility that he'll remember the good times and call me ?
A big hug in advance! ;)
Thank you
Of course there is a possibility. But there's also a possibility that he won't. And you need to accept that. You need to learn to be happy in your life without him.
Of course there is a possibility. But there's also a possibility that he won't. And you need to accept that. You need to learn to be happy in your life without him.
Of course there is a possibility. But there's also a possibility that he won't. And you need to accept that. You need to learn to be happy in your life without him.
He probably guessed that your sister told you and you are calling regarding that. OR perhaps he came to my website, read about the NC rule and started it :P. Whatever the reason, there is no point obsessing about it.
Hello Kevin,
Thank you for your response. You are right! he might have visited your website and trying the NC rule :p :D
Omg I can't come to terms with the fact that he 'll be moving to the town and will be in someone else's arms this time! We used to have a great time together :( .Is there any possibility that he'll remember the good times and call me ?
A big hug in advance! ;)
Thank you
He probably guessed that your sister told you and you are calling regarding that. OR perhaps he came to my website, read about the NC rule and started it :P. Whatever the reason, there is no point obsessing about it.
Hi kelvin...i have just started the step one...bug i still hv a few question wanna ask so should i ask u here or can i email u personally?
You can ask me here. My email box is currently flooded.
You can ask me here. My email box is currently flooded.
I'm scared of letting my ex go. I have gone through just about every single reaction that you mentioned and the moment I try to forget about her, something will pop up to remind me of her, only making it worse. Our relationship as friends now is fine but I'm scared that she will move on in the time that we have no contact. I felt our relationship was serious, but I don't know how serious it was to her so I'm afraid she will move on to someone she believes to be better. I just need some advice on handling this kinda of sheer mind throttling pain.
Hey,
Yes, it's a risk. But I think it's a necessary one. If you want, you can make the no contact a little bit shorter (around 3 weeks).
Hey,
Yes, it's a risk. But I think it's a necessary one. If you want, you can make the no contact a little bit shorter (around 3 weeks).
Hey, I was with this girl for three years. We were married for one year and have a baby. The past few months of our relationship went horrible, but it was mostly my fault. We got into our first home, but it was a rental and it was expensive. We had a hard time keeping up with bills and we stayed stressed. We started fighting a lot and we got very verbally abusive. I lost my job and we moved in with her parents. We didn't really spend much time together since we moved from our house. We were eachother's first and she was a very insecure girl. She used to sing in church and everything. She started to get tattoos, drink, and smoke pot. Then she cheated on me with one of the guy's that gave her a tattoo. It devastated me, but I got past it and tried to work on our relationship. We started the fighiting again and we started to not spend much time together. She bought a new phone and after a couple of days, she was staying up really late in the living room on the phone. I asked her if she was okay and told her i loved her. I would try to get her to come to the bedroom with me and spend time and she said that she didn't want to set up in the room all night. When she went to bed, I kissed her and we said goodnight and we loved eachother. I got on her phone the next morning and found messages between her and another guy that she has never met. There was a lot of sex talking and I confronted her about it. She said she was unhappy with me and she didn't love me anymore. She kicked me out and now I stay with a friend. This happened less than a week ago. I try to reconnect with her, but she said that we should just be friends. And the only time we see eachother is when we take turns with the baby. She talks about this dude like he is amazing, but he is a douchebag. He is the complete opposite of the type of guy she likes. He drinks and parties and pretty much wants sex all the time. But she says she is happy with him. I just don't understand how she can throw our family away soo easily. I want her back so bad. I miss her and I love her. I look at our pics and notes and messages and all I do is cry. I am an emotional guy, but I didn't show her that I cared enough. I tried to move in for a kiss when she came to get the baby. She turned away and told me no and got in the car and left. Will I ever get her back or did I ruin my chances? Is she going through a phase? She wasn't able to do drink and stuff as a teenager. She won't give me answers. She just tells me that she is happy and that I can't keep trying to beg for her back everytime I see her.
Hello Michael,
I can't give you professional suggestions but I'm sorry for the difficult time that you are having. Just happy to know that loving and emotional men do exist. Wish you luck and happiness sincerely, cuz I know that you worth it. It will be fine, no matter you end up with her or another woman, I promise.
Hey Michael,
I think you are blaming yourself simply because you are hurt and are not seeing things clearly. Personally, I don't think it was your fault. No matter how stressed or unhappy you were, she didn't have the right to cheat on you. You need to accept the fact that she cheated on you and she might not be the best partner for you. I think she is probably going through a phase. You need to apply no contact for at least two months and think real hard if you want to be with her.
Hello Michael,
I can't give you professional suggestions but I'm sorry for the difficult time that you are having. Just happy to know that loving and emotional men do exist. Wish you luck and happiness sincerely, cuz I know that you worth it. It will be fine, no matter you end up with her or another woman, I promise.
Hey Michael,
I think you are blaming yourself simply because you are hurt and are not seeing things clearly. Personally, I don't think it was your fault. No matter how stressed or unhappy you were, she didn't have the right to cheat on you. You need to accept the fact that she cheated on you and she might not be the best partner for you. I think she is probably going through a phase. You need to apply no contact for at least two months and think real hard if you want to be with her.
Hi,
I've found your article really useful thank you. My boyfriend of over 2years broke up with me 3 days ago. He is under tremendous pressure at work and suffers from bad mood swings. When things are good he is incredibly loving, caring & affectionate but about once a month he is prone to 'stonewalling' me and can get very grumpy and mean.
He said he had planned to propose before Christmas but had not found the right opportunity, this year however he hadn't felt as certain and doesn't want to waste my time. We are both 36 and would like children at some point.
Recently, he has reignited a dream he had to live & work in the Middle East and we were due a discussion on this. He knows I have close family/ friend ties here and that I would not be keen (although I would have considered a compromise.)
We both cried when we talked and he was very tender and listened to everything I had to say. He said he wished he had taken me up on talking things through before. I had suggested counselling in the past but he was resistant. He said he was sorry for the effect his moods had had on me. He opened up for the first time about deep seated hurt & anger he had regarding his childhood & family experiences.
The following morning he sent a very complimentary email beginning: 'Baby, I’m really sorry about how things have turned out. Please know that I love you and today is one of the saddest days of my life.' He wrote that everything I said had resonated with him and I had been right. He also promised to seek out therapy to manage his anger. However, it ended 'I really believed in our relationship and I love you very much. Ultimately, I think we want some very different things in life and I couldn’t make the commitment we both needed to keep going. I hope I don’t end up regretting that. '
I responded the next day with an equally caring email, but clarified my hope for 'commitment' was not wanting to get engaged right now, just wanting to grow as a partnership, which I felt we had been.
I wished him well in his plans but did add I was available if he wanted to talk (as he had done at the end of his message.)
Ironically we got together during a period of NC I had put in place for a previous relationship, so I know how effective it can be to help you move on.
I do truly love him, do you feel I have done all I can? And, if I implement NC will it be effective with a man who is struggling to open up as it is?
Any advice would be really appreciated.
Hey Jenny,
Yes, I do think no contact can be effective. I think you've handled the breakup well and you do have a chance of reconciliation.
Many thanks for such a quick response Kevin. It is heartening to hear someone objective say I've handled it well. I'll do NC and keep you informed.
Hi Kevin, just an update & a little advice if you can! Been very strict with NC and implemented lots of positive changes: hair cut, personal trainer, keeping busy socially & pushing forward with work goals. I've even started seeing a councillor to help me process the breakup. Its been nearly 3 weeks now & apart from initially 'liking' & commenting on my facebook wall pictures a week in, he has not made efforts to contact me. I saw him at the tube station the other day (thank goodness I looked good!) He didn't know I'd seen him 1st, so the ball was in his court, but he didn't approach me. I've also (politely) put off requests from his friends (girls) to meet up as thought it would seem bit creepy. Apart from the odd tears, I'm feeling much more positive about my life & wondering if he was right for me after all. I guess my question is, why has he not contacted/ avoided me? And when the 30 days is up do I contact him or still leave it to him? Many thanks for any advice you can give!
Hey Jenny,
Congrats on the progress you've made. There can be many reasons for him to not contact you. It could be out of ego, fear, confusion or perhaps he is applying no contact as well. There isn't any point in trying to figure out why he is not contacting you. If he doesn't contact you by the end of 30 days and you are absolutely sure you want him back, then you should get back in touch with him.
Hey Jenny,
Congrats on the progress you've made. There can be many reasons for him to not contact you. It could be out of ego, fear, confusion or perhaps he is applying no contact as well. There isn't any point in trying to figure out why he is not contacting you. If he doesn't contact you by the end of 30 days and you are absolutely sure you want him back, then you should get back in touch with him.
Hey Jenny,
Congrats on the progress you've made. There can be many reasons for him to not contact you. It could be out of ego, fear, confusion or perhaps he is applying no contact as well. There isn't any point in trying to figure out why he is not contacting you. If he doesn't contact you by the end of 30 days and you are absolutely sure you want him back, then you should get back in touch with him.
Hey Jenny,
Congrats on the progress you've made. There can be many reasons for him to not contact you. It could be out of ego, fear, confusion or perhaps he is applying no contact as well. There isn't any point in trying to figure out why he is not contacting you. If he doesn't contact you by the end of 30 days and you are absolutely sure you want him back, then you should get back in touch with him.
Hey Jenny,
Congrats on the progress you've made. There can be many reasons for him to not contact you. It could be out of ego, fear, confusion or perhaps he is applying no contact as well. There isn't any point in trying to figure out why he is not contacting you. If he doesn't contact you by the end of 30 days and you are absolutely sure you want him back, then you should get back in touch with him.
Hi Kevin, just an update & a little advice if you can! Been very strict with NC and implemented lots of positive changes: hair cut, personal trainer, keeping busy socially & pushing forward with work goals. I've even started seeing a councillor to help me process the breakup. Its been nearly 3 weeks now & apart from initially 'liking' & commenting on my facebook wall pictures a week in, he has not made efforts to contact me. I saw him at the tube station the other day (thank goodness I looked good!) He didn't know I'd seen him 1st, so the ball was in his court, but he didn't approach me. I've also (politely) put off requests from his friends (girls) to meet up as thought it would seem bit creepy. Apart from the odd tears, I'm feeling much more positive about my life & wondering if he was right for me after all. I guess my question is, why has he not contacted/ avoided me? And when the 30 days is up do I contact him or still leave it to him? Many thanks for any advice you can give!
Hi Kevin, just an update & a little advice if you can! Been very strict with NC and implemented lots of positive changes: hair cut, personal trainer, keeping busy socially & pushing forward with work goals. I've even started seeing a councillor to help me process the breakup. Its been nearly 3 weeks now & apart from initially 'liking' & commenting on my facebook wall pictures a week in, he has not made efforts to contact me. I saw him at the tube station the other day (thank goodness I looked good!) He didn't know I'd seen him 1st, so the ball was in his court, but he didn't approach me. I've also (politely) put off requests from his friends (girls) to meet up as thought it would seem bit creepy. Apart from the odd tears, I'm feeling much more positive about my life & wondering if he was right for me after all. I guess my question is, why has he not contacted/ avoided me? And when the 30 days is up do I contact him or still leave it to him? Many thanks for any advice you can give!
Hi Kevin, just an update & a little advice if you can! Been very strict with NC and implemented lots of positive changes: hair cut, personal trainer, keeping busy socially & pushing forward with work goals. I've even started seeing a councillor to help me process the breakup. Its been nearly 3 weeks now & apart from initially 'liking' & commenting on my facebook wall pictures a week in, he has not made efforts to contact me. I saw him at the tube station the other day (thank goodness I looked good!) He didn't know I'd seen him 1st, so the ball was in his court, but he didn't approach me. I've also (politely) put off requests from his friends (girls) to meet up as thought it would seem bit creepy. Apart from the odd tears, I'm feeling much more positive about my life & wondering if he was right for me after all. I guess my question is, why has he not contacted/ avoided me? And when the 30 days is up do I contact him or still leave it to him? Many thanks for any advice you can give!
Many thanks for such a quick response Kevin. It is heartening to hear someone objective say I've handled it well. I'll do NC and keep you informed.
Many thanks for such a quick response Kevin. It is heartening to hear someone objective say I've handled it well. I'll do NC and keep you informed.
Hey Jenny,
Yes, I do think no contact can be effective. I think you've handled the breakup well and you do have a chance of reconciliation.
Hey Kevin, so my ex broke up with me almost two months ago on my birthday. We have a baby together, so we are forced to talk to each other so the no contact rule is pretty much impossible. There were many things that went wrong and especially on my part. I treated him unfairly and walked all over him, but I'm learning from the mistakes I have made and want to make things work because I love him unconditionally and I want us to be a family. I've started going to therapy to better myself and I've asked him to come with me, but unfortunately he has met someone else and is growing more attached to her by the day. He feels like he doesn't have a reason that justifies breaking things off with her because I've had multiple chances and she hasn't had the chance to try, but then he throws me through loos saying that he stills feels there's something there with me and that he's still attracted to me, but is now in a sticky and doesn't know which is the right choice. He says that he wants to stay optimistic when it comes to us, but is still seeing this girl and then he encourages me to see someone to but I don't want anyone else. I want him, I love him. What do I do?
Apply no contact. Let him know you need space and time and you will only be talking to him regarding the baby and nothing else.
Apply no contact. Let him know you need space and time and you will only be talking to him regarding the baby and nothing else.
Hello Kevin,
I wrote a long email to tell you my long story. I don't know if you received it. I'll make it short here. He broke up with me about 2 and half months ago but at first he said he confused. Later on when I tried to convince him about 2 weeks later that he said to break up because he kept blaming on me that because I was cheating(but I didn't. I told my friend and she said it's just the different perspective) and used other reasons about me that it didn't make sense. So later on I still tried to convince him but we argued more and more (I think I did a bad decision when I tried to convince him). And one day when I asked if he didn't love me anymore because he kept saying he was still confused when it was almost 1 and 3 weeks or something. And we argued more. Then I noticed he blocked me on whatsapp after sending me the last message in there and then later he blocked my number too. So he was the one who went to NC first. But the day after the day he blocked me on whatsapp he said we could of being a good couple but I screw up. And I used my friend's number to send him a bunch of messages because I was too shocked when he suddenly blocked me in the middle of the conversation in whatsapp and then my number. I know I'm not the type of romance so I didn't show much to him that I loved him while we were dating even though I loved him so much. And he doesn't like it. I tried to be more romantic but it was hard but I really tried tho. So 2 days after he started blocking me, I used another number to text him and said that I was sorry for those emotional texts and sorry for what I did made he thought that I didn't love him and I would try to change and become a better person so I can deserve him. I noticed he kept blocking me on whatsapp until 2 weeks later he unblocked me. I don't know why. But I, deleted my whatsapp account when I saw him unblocked me. I was worried of myself being needy and would start texting him again when it's just 15 days of no contract. Now it's 20 days of no contract, I joined in whatsapp again but didn't want to make a move right now (I wonder if it's the right time to do so I'm not ready yet even tho I'm following those checklist so far.) I hope he would make an initiate contact. (p/s: his profile picture is the picture where we first met each other.) I'm confused. Does he want to get back together too? Or just me thinking too much. Thanks Kevin!!!
There is a good chance he wants to get back together. You are thinking too much, but it's normal. You need to relax and accept that whatever happens, you will still be happy and you will still find the loving and caring relationship you deserve. Follow the plan. You will do just fine.
There is a good chance he wants to get back together. You are thinking too much, but it's normal. You need to relax and accept that whatever happens, you will still be happy and you will still find the loving and caring relationship you deserve. Follow the plan. You will do just fine.
Me and my ex broke up because of my mistake. I hurt her I didn't cheat. I hurt her feeling so bad. Like she's the one who gave everything on our relationship and I brake it. Now she ask for time off and space and she ask me to leave the apartment. I leave and give what she ask. And after one day without texting her or talking to her. She message that she cant stay at the apartment she wants to move. And ask me if I wanna stay there to finish the lease. I just dont know if she still have feelings to me or do I still have a chAnce to get her back.
It's hard to say if you have a chance. But the best thing you can do is give her space. She does have feelings for you, but you need to give her time and let her figure out what she wants.
It's hard to say if you have a chance. But the best thing you can do is give her space. She does have feelings for you, but you need to give her time and let her figure out what she wants.
Hey Kevin, I read your emails every day and I really trust you. I am on the 22th day of NCP, and I've followed your advices to do not contact him and make positive changes in my life. So far, so good. However, as I mentioned before, I can't avoid seeing him in schooldays. At first, he tried to wave a hand in distance to say hello, but I found it hard for me to pretend nothing happened so I have never waved back. Now he treats me like a complete stranger or like a transparent person. My friends say that he's afraid of approaching us because we make him realize he has made mistakes, and as pride as he he is, he's not willing to admit it or even feel it. Could you give my some instructions? I feel bad when I see him. Maybe the time that I end NCP is when we come across yet I'm no more sad because of him?
Yes, that's when you should end no contact. If he is treating you like a stranger, it's just going to help you apply no contact. If he does talk to you, treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
Yes, that's when you should end no contact. If he is treating you like a stranger, it's just going to help you apply no contact. If he does talk to you, treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
I am devestated! Ex and I we're living together for several years. Just Saturday he moved out bcz of a stupid argument that escalated to the move out. Two days later still not talking I practically begged him to talk. We do and tells me that we need time and that we are broken up and can't come back home and doesn't know if he will. Says not to call him and ends with a casual talk to you later. I'm a mess without hearing anything from him. Do you think the no contact rule will work?? Help!!
Yes, it will help.
Yes, it will help.
Hi Kevin
this is my story, My ex and I were together for 2 1/5 years, she is 27 and i'm 29 im the first guy she introduce to her family, she is a very reserved person, she broke up with me 5 weeks ago and she start going out with a guy from her school almost a week after we broke up, we meet 3 weeks ago and she told me the she was happy and she was taking things slow with this guy. You advice me before to keep seeing her and keep in touch with her to see if was a rebound relationship or not.
last friday I got drunk and I text her I MISS YOU!!! she replay 2 days after saying : the she didn't know what to say just the she is sorry.
So I decided last monday go for NC for a month because i'm weak, i can't even get out of bed somedays and I think all day on her. i'm very miserable right now. but she called me yesterday to see how i'm doing "just checking up on you" and we talked for like 15 minutes. but today I woke up at 5 am feeling sad and missing her badly, I have to see her one more time because she has some stuff the i need , we are just waiting for me to move to my new place. but i dont know what to do, im tired of been sad, i dont know whats going on on her head, if she already move on, forgot about me, idk but im very depressed as you can see. please give me and advise..
THANK YOU
If you're sad, then you should do everything you can to make yourself feel better. NC is the way to do that. So go ahead and start. If possible, send a friend to get the stuff from her. And don't answer her calls for one month. Stop trying to figure out what's going on with her. You will find that out eventually. The most important thing right now is for you to learn to be happy without her.
If you're sad, then you should do everything you can to make yourself feel better. NC is the way to do that. So go ahead and start. If possible, send a friend to get the stuff from her. And don't answer her calls for one month. Stop trying to figure out what's going on with her. You will find that out eventually. The most important thing right now is for you to learn to be happy without her.
Hi kevin! I found your site today and it's amazing. thank you!
Question, my ex broke up with me december of 2012. we were best friends during our time together. we rarely fought, always communicated and had a respectful and honest partnership. I loved him and still do. He broke up with me because he didn't see me in his future. He wanted to be in love and said he didn't feel like he was (ouch). BUT he did say when we broke up that he loved me...(confusing!). But still wanted to remain in each other's lives. I tried that for about 7 months and realized it wasn't working for me and I stopped contact for almost 3 months. I've done everything you have suggested during that NC time except date. I've always taken care of myself and that's one of the many things my ex liked about me including being easy to be with and the fact that I listened to him. Basically, we've been in contact for the last 3 months. I'd say we are slowly getting back to having the friendship we had when we were dating...without the physical stuff. I must tell you though that he has dated quite a bit and I think he's had his heart broken at least once. He has always said he wished these girls were more like me.
He trusts me and would do anything for me. I know this for a fact because he's helped me out when I've needed it. I will always love him and would never push him into wanting to get back together for fear that we would lose our friendship. BUT I would love to be with him.
What do you think I should do? When I text or call he always answers and we have coffee or lunch at least 2-3 times per month. Should I stop contact for 30 days and at least start dating? I'm at a loss because I know he likes me because he always compliments me when we are together. He said to me a few days ago at lunch that I have all these amazing qualities and a lot of men would get scared to ask me out because they wouldn't know what to do or how to handle it..(i'm confused by this by the way). Please tell me what to do. thank you for everything you do:)
I guess you have two options.
1. Either start dating. If he has feelings for you, they will emerge at the thought of losing you forever to some other guy.
2. Talk to him about getting back together. There's a chance he might reject you. But there's a chance he might accept as well. If he rejects, you start no contact and start dating. There is still a chance he might want to get back together once he realizes you are starting dating.
Thanks Kevin!
I think I'll start dating. The thought of him rejecting me again is too scary...(I brought up getting back together a few months after our break up because we were hanging out as if we were still together and he rejected me). He's never experienced having a friendship with me while I was dating someone else. We'll see!!
Thank you...You're awesome:)
Thanks Kevin!
I think I'll start dating. The thought of him rejecting me again is too scary...(I brought up getting back together a few months after our break up because we were hanging out as if we were still together and he rejected me). He's never experienced having a friendship with me while I was dating someone else. We'll see!!
Thank you...You're awesome:)
Thanks Kevin!
I think I'll start dating. The thought of him rejecting me again is too scary...(I brought up getting back together a few months after our break up because we were hanging out as if we were still together and he rejected me). He's never experienced having a friendship with me while I was dating someone else. We'll see!!
Thank you...You're awesome:)
I guess you have two options.
1. Either start dating. If he has feelings for you, they will emerge at the thought of losing you forever to some other guy.
2. Talk to him about getting back together. There's a chance he might reject you. But there's a chance he might accept as well. If he rejects, you start no contact and start dating. There is still a chance he might want to get back together once he realizes you are starting dating.
My boyfriend and at college together and I can't help but see him everyday? How can I apply the no contact rule to this, and I never know how to react when I pass him in the corridors?
Don't react. If he greets you, greet him back. But don't have any personal conversations with him. If he tries to talk to you, talk to him like an acquaintance.
Don't react. If he greets you, greet him back. But don't have any personal conversations with him. If he tries to talk to you, talk to him like an acquaintance.
Hi i wondered if you could give me some advice. Ive done all the crazy things you shouldnt do and now i am starting to be sane again. My story is my partner and i were together for 7.5yrs have kids together were in middle of a house purchase and found out i was having another baby all seemed great (im 34 nearly 35 hes 39 nearly 40). Then i found he was cheating on me for about a week (i had a gut feeling) with a girl of 26 from his work. He told me it was over with us and he would never get back with me. He still proceded to buy the house saying he thought he could transfer it into my name which we have now found out he cant do. At present its been 4/5weeks since he ended it and 2weeks we have been in new house. He is staying in house (well sleeping on couch some nights) but still seeing this girl and sometimes staying over at her house took her away for a romantic weekend etc. He has said he is staying until he has money to get a rental flat then hes out. He tells this girl how much he loves her and she is sending him rental flats all the time as she is moving in with him and hes telling her to arrange viewings. The problem is a few times my now ex has ended up kissing me passionately but then next day says its because he was drunk and it will never happen again as he was just wanting sex. The last time was last night he wasnt drunk this time but this time i pulled away and said i cant do it and ran upto my bed, this morning he said hes in a relationship and it only happened because we were together for so long and i should know he is always horny and it meant nothing with no feelings involved, he now thinks its best for him only to come back when im in my bed if he comes back at all. i asked him what HE wants and he said he wants his own place......im so confused i dont want to be just giving him his cake and letting him eat it. He has also said him being in the house with me is confusing him as when he is here he wants to be intimate with me? I love him so much and any advice help would be greatly welcomed as my hormones are everywhere with being 6months pregnant never mind all this to deal with as well.....no contact isnt an option because of kids and pregnancy as well as house
No contact isn't option but limited contact is. Only talk to him about the kids and your pregnancy. Don't talk about his feelings and your feelings. I know it sucks but you have to accept that he is a jerk for doing this to you. Let him move out, in fact, even encourage him to get his own place. Once he is out of the house, you'll be able to focus much better on yourself. You'll have to prepare yourself for the worst. There is a very good chance he might never come back to you (although, I really hope he realizes what he's missing and comes back).
Hi kevin
I told him this morning that i wanted him to not come back. He has now said he will be leaving at the end of the month to move in with her. I am so devastated but havent showed him how hurt i am, i have encouraged him to move out :( i dont understand how he can move on so fast they have only been together 6weeks and weve only been broken for 5weeks. Is this a midlife crisis he is having? Is it a rebound relationship he is in? He doesnt even bother about unborn baby? Do men return? I have so much confusion how can he be so in love in such a short space of time?
Well, men do return if they realize what they are missing. It could be a midlife crisis or it could just be that he is just enjoying the honeymoon phase of his relationship and when things get sour, he will realize what he left. But like I said in my previous comment, you should be prepared for the worst.
Hi kevin
Sorry just a little more advise if thats ok. So its been hot and cold but 20th june I was told baby was to be induced early as not growing. Ex phoned me on Saturday was quite sharp with me and saying he had moved on etc whem it didnt make sense for him to say it so I said I had moved on and it was all aboit kids for me (his parents were with me and heard everything as he was on speaker) he said he didnt want to be in same room as me etc. So come sunday he arrived at his parents I was there and he was like a different person he stayed full day talking to me (never mentioned saturday phone call) made me tea and laughing then as he was leaving he said just cause we had a good day dont take it wrong way I just said he wasnt to get wrong idea. Anyway he was coming to stay with kids when I weny into have baby, when he arrived I was in labour didnt realise but his mum came and we went in ambulance he stayed with our kids. He didnt come see baby (I was out next day) he finally came on friday baby 3days old for 45mins. But he came on Saturday meant to be so I could sleep. He came upstairs was sitting holding baby and talking to me I asked him his opinion on a baby monitor and he said hed buy it I jokingly said where u getting all the money he said his "personal life nothing to do with u. Im only here for baby" again I said I didnt want him for me. Anyway 20mins later he said "right what we r going to do today is u get ready we go out for lunch and go buy baby camera monitor and baby stuff" I just agreed I was already ready so we went out to lunch to place we used to always go to, had a fun day laughing and joking being a normal family acting the way we always did. At 5.30pm he left. He came back Sunday very tired and seemed hungover (he did say hes been drinking a bit) again I expected to sleep whilst he spent time with kids. But again he said to get organised and wed go visit relatives with new baby, again another normal family day all smiles and happy he did leave an hour earlier as he was so tired
This behaviour is crazy what is he playing at he was always into doing things with our kids, im just going with the flow but im confused by all this could seeing baby have made him question what he wants and ive basically put a wall up to protect me as ive changed more confident not stressed happy etc. What do u think of this?
Hi kevin
Thanks for getting back to me. Its so hard with the hot cold behaviour. Im being strong and getting on with life with kids and being pregnant but still cant believe this is all happening. He didnt contact me at all friday or saturday. He seen kids at his parents on sunday....as he was leaving in car i was arriving and as he drove passed he smiled and waved so i did same back. But hard bit was my youngest said to him "i miss you daddy will you come home when baby is born?" He is only 4, my 10yr old said dad didnt said anything just hugged 4yr old. But anyways sunday night at 23.30 i get a message from him asking again about my eye, saying kids looked smart and little one was showing him his new band. I replied back in morning saying eye is as good as it will get. Im now wondering if saying this means he wont contact me again :(
I just dont know if this is a sign him contacting me again last night?
Stop looking so much for signs. It's a good thing that he is contacting you. But him contacting you can mean a of things and over analyzing it is not going to help.
Stop looking so much for signs. It's a good thing that he is contacting you. But him contacting you can mean a of things and over analyzing it is not going to help.
Stop looking so much for signs. It's a good thing that he is contacting you. But him contacting you can mean a of things and over analyzing it is not going to help.
Stop looking so much for signs. It's a good thing that he is contacting you. But him contacting you can mean a of things and over analyzing it is not going to help.
Stop looking so much for signs. It's a good thing that he is contacting you. But him contacting you can mean a of things and over analyzing it is not going to help.
Stop looking so much for signs. It's a good thing that he is contacting you. But him contacting you can mean a of things and over analyzing it is not going to help.
Hi kevin
Yeah it defo seems like hot cold behaviour, its just so annoying and strange........he has text again asking how my eye is today and if heating is fixed. Its like a jekyl and hyde as how he texts me to how angry he seems to his parents hia dad just cant believe its the same person. Im just hoping he is starting to miss us and what we had as baby is due in 8weeks time and the other kids are missing him so much. Could this be a way for him testing water with me and hiding his feelings from everyone until he knows where he stands with me? Im playing it all very cool and always positive and upbeat even though everything is bad but im generally positive anyway ao its not an act im putting on. Do these things go on hot and cold for a long time? Maybe his honeymoon phase is ending with this much younger girl?
How long it'll go on sort of depends on how fast he is able to sort out his feelings. I know cases where it has gone for over 6 months. A rebound relationship usually makes it last longer.
How long it'll go on sort of depends on how fast he is able to sort out his feelings. I know cases where it has gone for over 6 months. A rebound relationship usually makes it last longer.
How long it'll go on sort of depends on how fast he is able to sort out his feelings. I know cases where it has gone for over 6 months. A rebound relationship usually makes it last longer.
How long it'll go on sort of depends on how fast he is able to sort out his feelings. I know cases where it has gone for over 6 months. A rebound relationship usually makes it last longer.
How long it'll go on sort of depends on how fast he is able to sort out his feelings. I know cases where it has gone for over 6 months. A rebound relationship usually makes it last longer.
How long it'll go on sort of depends on how fast he is able to sort out his feelings. I know cases where it has gone for over 6 months. A rebound relationship usually makes it last longer.
Hi kevin
So i just wanted your opinion my ex has started to do some strange behaviour. After saying he wants no contact he has been texting me. He is living with this young girl for 4weeks now. The other night about 23.00 i was getting text that said "borreedd what u doin ? Wake up err wake up now lol talk to me im bored sleeping are we???? Mmmmm" i only got them in morning so text saying i was sleeping and he replied right away with "lol" anyway after that he went back to no contact and was even nasty straight to point about me to his dad. His dad told him i have a medical problem with my eye thats serious and he wasnt bothered. But then today a day after his dad told him he is text me asking how my eye is and what happened etc when i told him he text saying ffs and then asked if my boiler was fixed as it went on blink.
Im so confused as none of that was about kids and this comes from man who acts like he hates me to his parents im so confused could this be him trying to come back, could the grass not be greener with the girl who is 14yrs younger. I dont know what to think
Hey,
It's hot and cold behavior. Don't over analyze it. Just maintain your cool and concentrate on yourself.
Hey,
It's hot and cold behavior. Don't over analyze it. Just maintain your cool and concentrate on yourself.
Hey,
It's hot and cold behavior. Don't over analyze it. Just maintain your cool and concentrate on yourself.
Hey,
It's hot and cold behavior. Don't over analyze it. Just maintain your cool and concentrate on yourself.
Hey,
It's hot and cold behavior. Don't over analyze it. Just maintain your cool and concentrate on yourself.
Hey,
It's hot and cold behavior. Don't over analyze it. Just maintain your cool and concentrate on yourself.
Hi kevin
Well i started the no contact but he had to come to the house to collect "his tv" . The kids being kids had lost the remote for it so i told him i had bought a universal one for him and i would give it to his mum when it arrives. That wasnt good enough he wanted the exact one. He started shouting at me and gathered up what was left of his things called me for everything and then left. What makes it worse is when he first arrived i was friendly and nice but his face was like fizz even before i told him. I now realise that nc is the best thing i can do as for some reason he is so angry but is blaming me. If i go nc he will not be able to blame me for anything. I will deal with him about kids through his parents no need to see him. Also he got kids on sunday was meant to spend full day with them instead showed up at his mums house 12.30 then said he had to leave to be somewhere (with the new gf) and left at 4.30. This has annnoyed me as he used to be suuch a good dad and would spend hours with kids now after not seeing them for a week only spends 4hours with them to go with gf!!!!
Am i doing the right things and why would he leave knowing we wouldnt see each other again under such bad terms considering on friday we got on? Is this all normal behaviour?
Yes, it's normal for an ex to act this way. Continue with no contact.
Yes, it's normal for an ex to act this way. Continue with no contact.
Yes, it's normal for an ex to act this way. Continue with no contact.
Yes, it's normal for an ex to act this way. Continue with no contact.
Yes, it's normal for an ex to act this way. Continue with no contact.
Yes, it's normal for an ex to act this way. Continue with no contact.
I have prepared myself for the worst and its happened. He told me the other day that he has a flat just waiting on credit check which he finds out about tomoz. He will be out by this week as im sure he will pass it. He has told me that we will never see each other again ive to drop kids off at his parents where he will see them a couple of times a week then his parents will bring them back to me. Im devastated after so many years together so much time was invested and its all gone. I had been working on me always looking happy when i see him and now this. His whole family are on my side and he is giving not just me and kids up but them as well.....he told his mum about moving out and she said he didnt look overly happy and i had said the same he looked somewhat sad, but i think that may have been wishful thinking on our parts. What makes it worse is if he does have the realisation he has made a mistake he will never admit it and will never come back thats his personality and i think thats what makes me sadder knowing he might regret it but still stay with this young girl as he would never go back :(
Maybe he won't admit it, and maybe he will. You can't say for sure. I have seen a lot of egoistic people admit their mistake when they are unhappy and/or are in pain.
Maybe he won't admit it, and maybe he will. You can't say for sure. I have seen a lot of egoistic people admit their mistake when they are unhappy and/or are in pain.
Maybe he won't admit it, and maybe he will. You can't say for sure. I have seen a lot of egoistic people admit their mistake when they are unhappy and/or are in pain.
Maybe he won't admit it, and maybe he will. You can't say for sure. I have seen a lot of egoistic people admit their mistake when they are unhappy and/or are in pain.
Maybe he won't admit it, and maybe he will. You can't say for sure. I have seen a lot of egoistic people admit their mistake when they are unhappy and/or are in pain.
Maybe he won't admit it, and maybe he will. You can't say for sure. I have seen a lot of egoistic people admit their mistake when they are unhappy and/or are in pain.
Hi kevin
Sorry just a little more advise if thats ok. So its been hot and cold but 20th june I was told baby was to be induced early as not growing. Ex phoned me on Saturday was quite sharp with me and saying he had moved on etc whem it didnt make sense for him to say it so I said I had moved on and it was all aboit kids for me (his parents were with me and heard everything as he was on speaker) he said he didnt want to be in same room as me etc. So come sunday he arrived at his parents I was there and he was like a different person he stayed full day talking to me (never mentioned saturday phone call) made me tea and laughing then as he was leaving he said just cause we had a good day dont take it wrong way I just said he wasnt to get wrong idea. Anyway he was coming to stay with kids when I weny into have baby, when he arrived I was in labour didnt realise but his mum came and we went in ambulance he stayed with our kids. He didnt come see baby (I was out next day) he finally came on friday baby 3days old for 45mins. But he came on Saturday meant to be so I could sleep. He came upstairs was sitting holding baby and talking to me I asked him his opinion on a baby monitor and he said hed buy it I jokingly said where u getting all the money he said his "personal life nothing to do with u. Im only here for baby" again I said I didnt want him for me. Anyway 20mins later he said "right what we r going to do today is u get ready we go out for lunch and go buy baby camera monitor and baby stuff" I just agreed I was already ready so we went out to lunch to place we used to always go to, had a fun day laughing and joking being a normal family acting the way we always did. At 5.30pm he left. He came back Sunday very tired and seemed hungover (he did say hes been drinking a bit) again I expected to sleep whilst he spent time with kids. But again he said to get organised and wed go visit relatives with new baby, again another normal family day all smiles and happy he did leave an hour earlier as he was so tired
This behaviour is crazy what is he playing at he was always into doing things with our kids, im just going with the flow but im confused by all this could seeing baby have made him question what he wants and ive basically put a wall up to protect me as ive changed more confident not stressed happy etc. What do u think of this?
Hi kevin
Thanks for getting back to me. Its so hard with the hot cold behaviour. Im being strong and getting on with life with kids and being pregnant but still cant believe this is all happening. He didnt contact me at all friday or saturday. He seen kids at his parents on sunday....as he was leaving in car i was arriving and as he drove passed he smiled and waved so i did same back. But hard bit was my youngest said to him "i miss you daddy will you come home when baby is born?" He is only 4, my 10yr old said dad didnt said anything just hugged 4yr old. But anyways sunday night at 23.30 i get a message from him asking again about my eye, saying kids looked smart and little one was showing him his new band. I replied back in morning saying eye is as good as it will get. Im now wondering if saying this means he wont contact me again :(
I just dont know if this is a sign him contacting me again last night?
Hi kevin
Yeah it defo seems like hot cold behaviour, its just so annoying and strange........he has text again asking how my eye is today and if heating is fixed. Its like a jekyl and hyde as how he texts me to how angry he seems to his parents hia dad just cant believe its the same person. Im just hoping he is starting to miss us and what we had as baby is due in 8weeks time and the other kids are missing him so much. Could this be a way for him testing water with me and hiding his feelings from everyone until he knows where he stands with me? Im playing it all very cool and always positive and upbeat even though everything is bad but im generally positive anyway ao its not an act im putting on. Do these things go on hot and cold for a long time? Maybe his honeymoon phase is ending with this much younger girl?
Hi kevin
So i just wanted your opinion my ex has started to do some strange behaviour. After saying he wants no contact he has been texting me. He is living with this young girl for 4weeks now. The other night about 23.00 i was getting text that said "borreedd what u doin ? Wake up err wake up now lol talk to me im bored sleeping are we???? Mmmmm" i only got them in morning so text saying i was sleeping and he replied right away with "lol" anyway after that he went back to no contact and was even nasty straight to point about me to his dad. His dad told him i have a medical problem with my eye thats serious and he wasnt bothered. But then today a day after his dad told him he is text me asking how my eye is and what happened etc when i told him he text saying ffs and then asked if my boiler was fixed as it went on blink.
Im so confused as none of that was about kids and this comes from man who acts like he hates me to his parents im so confused could this be him trying to come back, could the grass not be greener with the girl who is 14yrs younger. I dont know what to think
Hi kevin
Well i started the no contact but he had to come to the house to collect "his tv" . The kids being kids had lost the remote for it so i told him i had bought a universal one for him and i would give it to his mum when it arrives. That wasnt good enough he wanted the exact one. He started shouting at me and gathered up what was left of his things called me for everything and then left. What makes it worse is when he first arrived i was friendly and nice but his face was like fizz even before i told him. I now realise that nc is the best thing i can do as for some reason he is so angry but is blaming me. If i go nc he will not be able to blame me for anything. I will deal with him about kids through his parents no need to see him. Also he got kids on sunday was meant to spend full day with them instead showed up at his mums house 12.30 then said he had to leave to be somewhere (with the new gf) and left at 4.30. This has annnoyed me as he used to be suuch a good dad and would spend hours with kids now after not seeing them for a week only spends 4hours with them to go with gf!!!!
Am i doing the right things and why would he leave knowing we wouldnt see each other again under such bad terms considering on friday we got on? Is this all normal behaviour?
I have prepared myself for the worst and its happened. He told me the other day that he has a flat just waiting on credit check which he finds out about tomoz. He will be out by this week as im sure he will pass it. He has told me that we will never see each other again ive to drop kids off at his parents where he will see them a couple of times a week then his parents will bring them back to me. Im devastated after so many years together so much time was invested and its all gone. I had been working on me always looking happy when i see him and now this. His whole family are on my side and he is giving not just me and kids up but them as well.....he told his mum about moving out and she said he didnt look overly happy and i had said the same he looked somewhat sad, but i think that may have been wishful thinking on our parts. What makes it worse is if he does have the realisation he has made a mistake he will never admit it and will never come back thats his personality and i think thats what makes me sadder knowing he might regret it but still stay with this young girl as he would never go back :(
Hi kevin
Sorry just a little more advise if thats ok. So its been hot and cold but 20th june I was told baby was to be induced early as not growing. Ex phoned me on Saturday was quite sharp with me and saying he had moved on etc whem it didnt make sense for him to say it so I said I had moved on and it was all aboit kids for me (his parents were with me and heard everything as he was on speaker) he said he didnt want to be in same room as me etc. So come sunday he arrived at his parents I was there and he was like a different person he stayed full day talking to me (never mentioned saturday phone call) made me tea and laughing then as he was leaving he said just cause we had a good day dont take it wrong way I just said he wasnt to get wrong idea. Anyway he was coming to stay with kids when I weny into have baby, when he arrived I was in labour didnt realise but his mum came and we went in ambulance he stayed with our kids. He didnt come see baby (I was out next day) he finally came on friday baby 3days old for 45mins. But he came on Saturday meant to be so I could sleep. He came upstairs was sitting holding baby and talking to me I asked him his opinion on a baby monitor and he said hed buy it I jokingly said where u getting all the money he said his "personal life nothing to do with u. Im only here for baby" again I said I didnt want him for me. Anyway 20mins later he said "right what we r going to do today is u get ready we go out for lunch and go buy baby camera monitor and baby stuff" I just agreed I was already ready so we went out to lunch to place we used to always go to, had a fun day laughing and joking being a normal family acting the way we always did. At 5.30pm he left. He came back Sunday very tired and seemed hungover (he did say hes been drinking a bit) again I expected to sleep whilst he spent time with kids. But again he said to get organised and wed go visit relatives with new baby, again another normal family day all smiles and happy he did leave an hour earlier as he was so tired
This behaviour is crazy what is he playing at he was always into doing things with our kids, im just going with the flow but im confused by all this could seeing baby have made him question what he wants and ive basically put a wall up to protect me as ive changed more confident not stressed happy etc. What do u think of this?
Hi kevin
Thanks for getting back to me. Its so hard with the hot cold behaviour. Im being strong and getting on with life with kids and being pregnant but still cant believe this is all happening. He didnt contact me at all friday or saturday. He seen kids at his parents on sunday....as he was leaving in car i was arriving and as he drove passed he smiled and waved so i did same back. But hard bit was my youngest said to him "i miss you daddy will you come home when baby is born?" He is only 4, my 10yr old said dad didnt said anything just hugged 4yr old. But anyways sunday night at 23.30 i get a message from him asking again about my eye, saying kids looked smart and little one was showing him his new band. I replied back in morning saying eye is as good as it will get. Im now wondering if saying this means he wont contact me again :(
I just dont know if this is a sign him contacting me again last night?
Hi kevin
Yeah it defo seems like hot cold behaviour, its just so annoying and strange........he has text again asking how my eye is today and if heating is fixed. Its like a jekyl and hyde as how he texts me to how angry he seems to his parents hia dad just cant believe its the same person. Im just hoping he is starting to miss us and what we had as baby is due in 8weeks time and the other kids are missing him so much. Could this be a way for him testing water with me and hiding his feelings from everyone until he knows where he stands with me? Im playing it all very cool and always positive and upbeat even though everything is bad but im generally positive anyway ao its not an act im putting on. Do these things go on hot and cold for a long time? Maybe his honeymoon phase is ending with this much younger girl?
Hi kevin
So i just wanted your opinion my ex has started to do some strange behaviour. After saying he wants no contact he has been texting me. He is living with this young girl for 4weeks now. The other night about 23.00 i was getting text that said "borreedd what u doin ? Wake up err wake up now lol talk to me im bored sleeping are we???? Mmmmm" i only got them in morning so text saying i was sleeping and he replied right away with "lol" anyway after that he went back to no contact and was even nasty straight to point about me to his dad. His dad told him i have a medical problem with my eye thats serious and he wasnt bothered. But then today a day after his dad told him he is text me asking how my eye is and what happened etc when i told him he text saying ffs and then asked if my boiler was fixed as it went on blink.
Im so confused as none of that was about kids and this comes from man who acts like he hates me to his parents im so confused could this be him trying to come back, could the grass not be greener with the girl who is 14yrs younger. I dont know what to think
Hi kevin
Well i started the no contact but he had to come to the house to collect "his tv" . The kids being kids had lost the remote for it so i told him i had bought a universal one for him and i would give it to his mum when it arrives. That wasnt good enough he wanted the exact one. He started shouting at me and gathered up what was left of his things called me for everything and then left. What makes it worse is when he first arrived i was friendly and nice but his face was like fizz even before i told him. I now realise that nc is the best thing i can do as for some reason he is so angry but is blaming me. If i go nc he will not be able to blame me for anything. I will deal with him about kids through his parents no need to see him. Also he got kids on sunday was meant to spend full day with them instead showed up at his mums house 12.30 then said he had to leave to be somewhere (with the new gf) and left at 4.30. This has annnoyed me as he used to be suuch a good dad and would spend hours with kids now after not seeing them for a week only spends 4hours with them to go with gf!!!!
Am i doing the right things and why would he leave knowing we wouldnt see each other again under such bad terms considering on friday we got on? Is this all normal behaviour?
I have prepared myself for the worst and its happened. He told me the other day that he has a flat just waiting on credit check which he finds out about tomoz. He will be out by this week as im sure he will pass it. He has told me that we will never see each other again ive to drop kids off at his parents where he will see them a couple of times a week then his parents will bring them back to me. Im devastated after so many years together so much time was invested and its all gone. I had been working on me always looking happy when i see him and now this. His whole family are on my side and he is giving not just me and kids up but them as well.....he told his mum about moving out and she said he didnt look overly happy and i had said the same he looked somewhat sad, but i think that may have been wishful thinking on our parts. What makes it worse is if he does have the realisation he has made a mistake he will never admit it and will never come back thats his personality and i think thats what makes me sadder knowing he might regret it but still stay with this young girl as he would never go back :(
Hi kevin
Sorry just a little more advise if thats ok. So its been hot and cold but 20th june I was told baby was to be induced early as not growing. Ex phoned me on Saturday was quite sharp with me and saying he had moved on etc whem it didnt make sense for him to say it so I said I had moved on and it was all aboit kids for me (his parents were with me and heard everything as he was on speaker) he said he didnt want to be in same room as me etc. So come sunday he arrived at his parents I was there and he was like a different person he stayed full day talking to me (never mentioned saturday phone call) made me tea and laughing then as he was leaving he said just cause we had a good day dont take it wrong way I just said he wasnt to get wrong idea. Anyway he was coming to stay with kids when I weny into have baby, when he arrived I was in labour didnt realise but his mum came and we went in ambulance he stayed with our kids. He didnt come see baby (I was out next day) he finally came on friday baby 3days old for 45mins. But he came on Saturday meant to be so I could sleep. He came upstairs was sitting holding baby and talking to me I asked him his opinion on a baby monitor and he said hed buy it I jokingly said where u getting all the money he said his "personal life nothing to do with u. Im only here for baby" again I said I didnt want him for me. Anyway 20mins later he said "right what we r going to do today is u get ready we go out for lunch and go buy baby camera monitor and baby stuff" I just agreed I was already ready so we went out to lunch to place we used to always go to, had a fun day laughing and joking being a normal family acting the way we always did. At 5.30pm he left. He came back Sunday very tired and seemed hungover (he did say hes been drinking a bit) again I expected to sleep whilst he spent time with kids. But again he said to get organised and wed go visit relatives with new baby, again another normal family day all smiles and happy he did leave an hour earlier as he was so tired
This behaviour is crazy what is he playing at he was always into doing things with our kids, im just going with the flow but im confused by all this could seeing baby have made him question what he wants and ive basically put a wall up to protect me as ive changed more confident not stressed happy etc. What do u think of this?
Hi kevin
Thanks for getting back to me. Its so hard with the hot cold behaviour. Im being strong and getting on with life with kids and being pregnant but still cant believe this is all happening. He didnt contact me at all friday or saturday. He seen kids at his parents on sunday....as he was leaving in car i was arriving and as he drove passed he smiled and waved so i did same back. But hard bit was my youngest said to him "i miss you daddy will you come home when baby is born?" He is only 4, my 10yr old said dad didnt said anything just hugged 4yr old. But anyways sunday night at 23.30 i get a message from him asking again about my eye, saying kids looked smart and little one was showing him his new band. I replied back in morning saying eye is as good as it will get. Im now wondering if saying this means he wont contact me again :(
I just dont know if this is a sign him contacting me again last night?
Hi kevin
Yeah it defo seems like hot cold behaviour, its just so annoying and strange........he has text again asking how my eye is today and if heating is fixed. Its like a jekyl and hyde as how he texts me to how angry he seems to his parents hia dad just cant believe its the same person. Im just hoping he is starting to miss us and what we had as baby is due in 8weeks time and the other kids are missing him so much. Could this be a way for him testing water with me and hiding his feelings from everyone until he knows where he stands with me? Im playing it all very cool and always positive and upbeat even though everything is bad but im generally positive anyway ao its not an act im putting on. Do these things go on hot and cold for a long time? Maybe his honeymoon phase is ending with this much younger girl?
Hi kevin
So i just wanted your opinion my ex has started to do some strange behaviour. After saying he wants no contact he has been texting me. He is living with this young girl for 4weeks now. The other night about 23.00 i was getting text that said "borreedd what u doin ? Wake up err wake up now lol talk to me im bored sleeping are we???? Mmmmm" i only got them in morning so text saying i was sleeping and he replied right away with "lol" anyway after that he went back to no contact and was even nasty straight to point about me to his dad. His dad told him i have a medical problem with my eye thats serious and he wasnt bothered. But then today a day after his dad told him he is text me asking how my eye is and what happened etc when i told him he text saying ffs and then asked if my boiler was fixed as it went on blink.
Im so confused as none of that was about kids and this comes from man who acts like he hates me to his parents im so confused could this be him trying to come back, could the grass not be greener with the girl who is 14yrs younger. I dont know what to think
Hi kevin
Well i started the no contact but he had to come to the house to collect "his tv" . The kids being kids had lost the remote for it so i told him i had bought a universal one for him and i would give it to his mum when it arrives. That wasnt good enough he wanted the exact one. He started shouting at me and gathered up what was left of his things called me for everything and then left. What makes it worse is when he first arrived i was friendly and nice but his face was like fizz even before i told him. I now realise that nc is the best thing i can do as for some reason he is so angry but is blaming me. If i go nc he will not be able to blame me for anything. I will deal with him about kids through his parents no need to see him. Also he got kids on sunday was meant to spend full day with them instead showed up at his mums house 12.30 then said he had to leave to be somewhere (with the new gf) and left at 4.30. This has annnoyed me as he used to be suuch a good dad and would spend hours with kids now after not seeing them for a week only spends 4hours with them to go with gf!!!!
Am i doing the right things and why would he leave knowing we wouldnt see each other again under such bad terms considering on friday we got on? Is this all normal behaviour?
I have prepared myself for the worst and its happened. He told me the other day that he has a flat just waiting on credit check which he finds out about tomoz. He will be out by this week as im sure he will pass it. He has told me that we will never see each other again ive to drop kids off at his parents where he will see them a couple of times a week then his parents will bring them back to me. Im devastated after so many years together so much time was invested and its all gone. I had been working on me always looking happy when i see him and now this. His whole family are on my side and he is giving not just me and kids up but them as well.....he told his mum about moving out and she said he didnt look overly happy and i had said the same he looked somewhat sad, but i think that may have been wishful thinking on our parts. What makes it worse is if he does have the realisation he has made a mistake he will never admit it and will never come back thats his personality and i think thats what makes me sadder knowing he might regret it but still stay with this young girl as he would never go back :(
Hi kevin
Sorry just a little more advise if thats ok. So its been hot and cold but 20th june I was told baby was to be induced early as not growing. Ex phoned me on Saturday was quite sharp with me and saying he had moved on etc whem it didnt make sense for him to say it so I said I had moved on and it was all aboit kids for me (his parents were with me and heard everything as he was on speaker) he said he didnt want to be in same room as me etc. So come sunday he arrived at his parents I was there and he was like a different person he stayed full day talking to me (never mentioned saturday phone call) made me tea and laughing then as he was leaving he said just cause we had a good day dont take it wrong way I just said he wasnt to get wrong idea. Anyway he was coming to stay with kids when I weny into have baby, when he arrived I was in labour didnt realise but his mum came and we went in ambulance he stayed with our kids. He didnt come see baby (I was out next day) he finally came on friday baby 3days old for 45mins. But he came on Saturday meant to be so I could sleep. He came upstairs was sitting holding baby and talking to me I asked him his opinion on a baby monitor and he said hed buy it I jokingly said where u getting all the money he said his "personal life nothing to do with u. Im only here for baby" again I said I didnt want him for me. Anyway 20mins later he said "right what we r going to do today is u get ready we go out for lunch and go buy baby camera monitor and baby stuff" I just agreed I was already ready so we went out to lunch to place we used to always go to, had a fun day laughing and joking being a normal family acting the way we always did. At 5.30pm he left. He came back Sunday very tired and seemed hungover (he did say hes been drinking a bit) again I expected to sleep whilst he spent time with kids. But again he said to get organised and wed go visit relatives with new baby, again another normal family day all smiles and happy he did leave an hour earlier as he was so tired
This behaviour is crazy what is he playing at he was always into doing things with our kids, im just going with the flow but im confused by all this could seeing baby have made him question what he wants and ive basically put a wall up to protect me as ive changed more confident not stressed happy etc. What do u think of this?
Hi kevin
Thanks for getting back to me. Its so hard with the hot cold behaviour. Im being strong and getting on with life with kids and being pregnant but still cant believe this is all happening. He didnt contact me at all friday or saturday. He seen kids at his parents on sunday....as he was leaving in car i was arriving and as he drove passed he smiled and waved so i did same back. But hard bit was my youngest said to him "i miss you daddy will you come home when baby is born?" He is only 4, my 10yr old said dad didnt said anything just hugged 4yr old. But anyways sunday night at 23.30 i get a message from him asking again about my eye, saying kids looked smart and little one was showing him his new band. I replied back in morning saying eye is as good as it will get. Im now wondering if saying this means he wont contact me again :(
I just dont know if this is a sign him contacting me again last night?
Hi kevin
Yeah it defo seems like hot cold behaviour, its just so annoying and strange........he has text again asking how my eye is today and if heating is fixed. Its like a jekyl and hyde as how he texts me to how angry he seems to his parents hia dad just cant believe its the same person. Im just hoping he is starting to miss us and what we had as baby is due in 8weeks time and the other kids are missing him so much. Could this be a way for him testing water with me and hiding his feelings from everyone until he knows where he stands with me? Im playing it all very cool and always positive and upbeat even though everything is bad but im generally positive anyway ao its not an act im putting on. Do these things go on hot and cold for a long time? Maybe his honeymoon phase is ending with this much younger girl?
Hi kevin
So i just wanted your opinion my ex has started to do some strange behaviour. After saying he wants no contact he has been texting me. He is living with this young girl for 4weeks now. The other night about 23.00 i was getting text that said "borreedd what u doin ? Wake up err wake up now lol talk to me im bored sleeping are we???? Mmmmm" i only got them in morning so text saying i was sleeping and he replied right away with "lol" anyway after that he went back to no contact and was even nasty straight to point about me to his dad. His dad told him i have a medical problem with my eye thats serious and he wasnt bothered. But then today a day after his dad told him he is text me asking how my eye is and what happened etc when i told him he text saying ffs and then asked if my boiler was fixed as it went on blink.
Im so confused as none of that was about kids and this comes from man who acts like he hates me to his parents im so confused could this be him trying to come back, could the grass not be greener with the girl who is 14yrs younger. I dont know what to think
Hi kevin
Well i started the no contact but he had to come to the house to collect "his tv" . The kids being kids had lost the remote for it so i told him i had bought a universal one for him and i would give it to his mum when it arrives. That wasnt good enough he wanted the exact one. He started shouting at me and gathered up what was left of his things called me for everything and then left. What makes it worse is when he first arrived i was friendly and nice but his face was like fizz even before i told him. I now realise that nc is the best thing i can do as for some reason he is so angry but is blaming me. If i go nc he will not be able to blame me for anything. I will deal with him about kids through his parents no need to see him. Also he got kids on sunday was meant to spend full day with them instead showed up at his mums house 12.30 then said he had to leave to be somewhere (with the new gf) and left at 4.30. This has annnoyed me as he used to be suuch a good dad and would spend hours with kids now after not seeing them for a week only spends 4hours with them to go with gf!!!!
Am i doing the right things and why would he leave knowing we wouldnt see each other again under such bad terms considering on friday we got on? Is this all normal behaviour?
I have prepared myself for the worst and its happened. He told me the other day that he has a flat just waiting on credit check which he finds out about tomoz. He will be out by this week as im sure he will pass it. He has told me that we will never see each other again ive to drop kids off at his parents where he will see them a couple of times a week then his parents will bring them back to me. Im devastated after so many years together so much time was invested and its all gone. I had been working on me always looking happy when i see him and now this. His whole family are on my side and he is giving not just me and kids up but them as well.....he told his mum about moving out and she said he didnt look overly happy and i had said the same he looked somewhat sad, but i think that may have been wishful thinking on our parts. What makes it worse is if he does have the realisation he has made a mistake he will never admit it and will never come back thats his personality and i think thats what makes me sadder knowing he might regret it but still stay with this young girl as he would never go back :(
Well, men do return if they realize what they are missing. It could be a midlife crisis or it could just be that he is just enjoying the honeymoon phase of his relationship and when things get sour, he will realize what he left. But like I said in my previous comment, you should be prepared for the worst.
Well, men do return if they realize what they are missing. It could be a midlife crisis or it could just be that he is just enjoying the honeymoon phase of his relationship and when things get sour, he will realize what he left. But like I said in my previous comment, you should be prepared for the worst.
Well, men do return if they realize what they are missing. It could be a midlife crisis or it could just be that he is just enjoying the honeymoon phase of his relationship and when things get sour, he will realize what he left. But like I said in my previous comment, you should be prepared for the worst.
Hi kevin
I told him this morning that i wanted him to not come back. He has now said he will be leaving at the end of the month to move in with her. I am so devastated but havent showed him how hurt i am, i have encouraged him to move out :( i dont understand how he can move on so fast they have only been together 6weeks and weve only been broken for 5weeks. Is this a midlife crisis he is having? Is it a rebound relationship he is in? He doesnt even bother about unborn baby? Do men return? I have so much confusion how can he be so in love in such a short space of time?
Hi kevin
I told him this morning that i wanted him to not come back. He has now said he will be leaving at the end of the month to move in with her. I am so devastated but havent showed him how hurt i am, i have encouraged him to move out :( i dont understand how he can move on so fast they have only been together 6weeks and weve only been broken for 5weeks. Is this a midlife crisis he is having? Is it a rebound relationship he is in? He doesnt even bother about unborn baby? Do men return? I have so much confusion how can he be so in love in such a short space of time?
No contact isn't option but limited contact is. Only talk to him about the kids and your pregnancy. Don't talk about his feelings and your feelings. I know it sucks but you have to accept that he is a jerk for doing this to you. Let him move out, in fact, even encourage him to get his own place. Once he is out of the house, you'll be able to focus much better on yourself. You'll have to prepare yourself for the worst. There is a very good chance he might never come back to you (although, I really hope he realizes what he's missing and comes back).
Hi Kevin,
My ex broke up with me a week ago, he barely gave me the reasons that he did, partly because he knew I wouldn't let it go. He's very stubborn and is the type of person who believes he's right until someone proves him wrong and gives him hard proof that he is wrong. He never came to talk to me about the problems and before he always told me that if I don't let him know something's bothering me, then he can't fix it and same goes vice versa, I have a habit of not being able speak up when annoyed. Anyways, his reasons that he gave me at the time were that I got mad at him one time because he left me for his family when he came for valentines, in which I forgot to mention we have about a 3-3.5 hour distance because we go to different colleges. Anyways, I wasn't just mad because he left or who he left for, it was little things with school, friends and him that piled up and then kind of just let it out on him after he left but I already apologized and admitted my mistake for it. Another reason was he believes that my friends instigated my getting mad at him, which is not true they were simply calling to make sure I was ok in general. The third was, I'm Indian and it's not really easy so to speak to tell and Indian girl's family that she's dating someone let alone going to visit him and staying with him especially because they're strict, my parents especially are strict. He didn't like that my parents don't know that I was in the city that he's in when I do visit, but I do it for him otherwise I wouldn't be able to visit or see him at all. All in all, it's really complicated, but I know that he sees it as me being to lie to him one day, but I've never lied to him and if there's something I've kept from him I tell him, and he admitted it, like 10 minutes later.
The fourth reason he gave me when we talked about everything a few days later and that was the distance. He said he saw two of his friends together and that he realized how well they know each other and that he and I can't have that because we're in different locations, however he went into the relationship knowing it's long distance, we see each other at least once or twice a month plus the calls and constant texting. Not to mention, the internships he's going for are in my city for the summer. In mine along with my friends opinions these are all fixable reasons and nothing enough for a break up. They believe there's something more to it, but he doesn't want to tell me because it may hurt me or the like. Right now we are friends, but I haven't texted him since I agreed to be friends and have had no contact with him since. Also, we were together for 6 months. My biggest question is, why won't or didn't he let me try to fix things, is there something he's keeping from me, and do you think he will come back?
I think he just doesn't see the relationship worth putting that much effort into. In his mind, it will be easier for him to look for another relationship than try to fix this one. Yes, there's a chance he will come back. But it will have to be his decision that he wants to try to fix things and you can't force that on him. The only thing you can do is make him realize that you are worth it. And the best way to do that is to make positive changes in your life. When he comes for internship, meet him and blow his mind away.
I think he just doesn't see the relationship worth putting that much effort into. In his mind, it will be easier for him to look for another relationship than try to fix this one. Yes, there's a chance he will come back. But it will have to be his decision that he wants to try to fix things and you can't force that on him. The only thing you can do is make him realize that you are worth it. And the best way to do that is to make positive changes in your life. When he comes for internship, meet him and blow his mind away.
Is letter also ok for short relationship?
If instead of letter i use a voice note??? using whatsapp
Thanks!
She just told me that the reason why she was dissapointed with me and she lose the attraction was because when i was with her in our best times , even we said we could kiss others , she didn't and i did.
Letter apologizing and remember good times could be good?
Yea, It's a good idea.
Yea, It's a good idea.
Yea, It's a good idea.
She just told me that the reason why she was dissapointed with me and she lose the attraction was because when i was with her in our best times , even we said we could kiss others , she didn't and i did.
Letter apologizing and remember good times could be good?
I emailed and commented here but even my comment doesn't show up here but others do.... I wonder why and the email you didn't reply me back too :( and seems like I've not received any new subscription from you too. (for 4 days)
Hey,
I answered to your comment here. I need to approve comments before they appear which is why your comments didn't show up until now. My email box is currently flooded with emails, which is why I couldn't respond. As for the subscription, the emails have been sent to you, perhaps they are going to your spam folder. Please check it and add my email address to your contacts so they are not marked as spam.
Hey,
I answered to your comment here. I need to approve comments before they appear which is why your comments didn't show up until now. My email box is currently flooded with emails, which is why I couldn't respond. As for the subscription, the emails have been sent to you, perhaps they are going to your spam folder. Please check it and add my email address to your contacts so they are not marked as spam.
Kevin I read the five steps but is this applicable also if I was the one who broke up but I realized i really love him and want him back?its the first day today not contacting him, I left him messages asking him if he do really love me and told him I love him so much but I got hurt because of slightly jealousy abd maybe because he didnt answer me wgen I asked him that question.
Yes, it's applicable.
Yes, it's applicable.
Me and my husband have been married 15 yrs and have 2 children. I was there in his life through some very hard times. Within the past 2 yrs I have found out he has cheated several times. The last time I found out 10 months ago I put him out. I don't know where he lives because he's so secretive but I do know he is still cheating. I love him and have expressed I want a divorce because he has not tried to save our marriage but has enjoyed his freedom and still cheating. He says he doesn't want a divorce but I need to quit nagging and going off on him. Since he has left I have been the one pleading and crying trying to get him back even though I did nothing wrong. He calls me a mental case and says I have issues. I can admit I call getting upset and text everyday because I'm hurt. He hangs up on me and stopped coming around like he use to but he says that's because I act crazy. But he still doesn't want a divorce. I feel he wants me to go along with the cheating then he would be happy but I didn't get married to share my husband. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but has made no effort to save our marriage. Should I NC? How can I do this with kids involved? What should I do because I miss him and want to save my marriage but I won't agree to other women.
Apply NC for 30 days. Let him know you need some space and time and you'll only be communicating with him if it's regarding the kids. After no contact, let him know your concerns. Propose couples counseling. IF he refuses, file for divorce. You can't carry on your life like this.
Apply NC for 30 days. Let him know you need some space and time and you'll only be communicating with him if it's regarding the kids. After no contact, let him know your concerns. Propose couples counseling. IF he refuses, file for divorce. You can't carry on your life like this.
Wow, Kevin, you are a popular guy, but you seem to actually respond. I'll keep this as short as I can, but it's going to be long.
I have been through some shit and gotten over a lot of crappy relationships, but my situation now is different. Background: My girl (28) and I (35) met abroad and enjoyed a passionate 2-month tryst. I returned to the US while she stayed to finish her commitment. She moved to live with me after a LDR of 3 months with daily contact. We lived together happily for the ensuing 2 years. Everyone said (including us to one another) that we were so lucky to have one another. It was like a fairy tale. There were hard moments, but we worked through them or just gave them space. We were always very respectful of one another. We had also begun to do some 'work' on the relationship, reading together from Melody Beattie and John Gray. But in general, there were lots of "big talks" about important stuff that we hadn't seriously had yet. Last fall, we threw the marriage subject around a bit, but neither of us seemed ready to dig in to the subject. If I'm totally honest, I sidetracked it first, feeling like I should resist so that we didn't rush in to anything.
This winter, we spent 6 weeks abroad on pure vacation. The trip was great: fun and bliss and passion and a still some 'work' too. After the trip, I went back to my job while she went to stay with her mom (recovering from surgery) 3000 miles away. She has a close relationship with her mom and friends she's had since childhood. I did a bad job staying in touch. My job was nights and stressful and I was 3 time-zones away. We talked every day, but only a few minutes. She never pushed me for more, just said that she missed me an couldn't wait to be together again. We shared reassurances and love as much as we could. I didn't worry because I knew we'd be back together in a month. After that and before our planned reunion, I spent 6 days on a solo camping trip. I spent a lot of time thinking and praying and came to the conclusion that I was ready to spend my life with her. I knew she had been lukewarm on marriage recently (after I balked), so I thought I would really turn on the romance for awhile, then bring up the subject and see how she felt. I was confident we could move easily in that direction.
When I called her after camping, she dropped me to my knees, literally. She told me she needed to stay with mom and friends and rebuild her life at home. Okay, I said, I'll pack my bags. No, she said, I need to do this alone. She said she needed to face her own doubts and make her own way without me. Well, I immediately flew to her with a big diamond and proposed. Oops! She sobbed but told me the same thing and that she just couldn't do it "right now". She told me she hoped that our paths would cross again someday and that we would be together when this was "all over", but she talked about it like it would take years. I didn't beg. I was sad and angry but I left on a good note, hugs and actually a nice, teary kiss from her, too.
We then spent 3 weeks in limited contact via phone and text where she just seemed to use the same tag line over and over. When we talked she would regularly start a conversation casually, then break down emotionally by the end of 5 minutes. None of our communication has been longer than that or shed much light on her motives. She has tried to minimize contact but still wants it. She still says she loves and/or misses me.
Last week I sent her a 12-page hand-written letter telling her everything I had been thinking about and working out. The thrust of the letter was that I believe we are meant for each other and that she can take the time she needs to figure it out for herself. I told her this is my vision but it is her choice. She called me when we had planned to talk and coolly thanked me for the beautiful letter, then told me she couldn't talk later because she had plans. Then, suddenly, she broke down and said it was too hard to talk to me. Her voice was cracking and it sounded like she was crying. I told her it was okay, I was here for her, and I love her. She told me she wanted me to know she loves me and cares about me, all tears. We said I love yous and hung up. I didn't hear from her for several days so I sent her an "I miss you" text, which she responded to by texting that she didn't want to receive texts like this from me, that it was too hard on her emotions, and by the way could I send some of her stuff to her?
I've been in serious pain since day one with this thing, and now over a month has passed with no move toward resolution. I am tired of the push-pull and I am frankly indignant that she can't find it in her heart to respond openly to my letter. The only friend of hers that I have contact with says "give her more time." If there was decay in our relationship before our month apart, it was subtle and certainly recoverable. She seems to have made this decision quite suddenly and in response to the prospect of spending another year away from other people she cares about, but my offer to move to her (my job is mostly portable) hasn't affected anything.
I need to know what to do next. I believe she is a good match for me, and we clearly still have love for each other. I suspect that she is not consciously trying to do this, but I obsess over whether she is creating emotional distance so that she can permanently rout me from her life. I need to be able to be sane while she figures this out, but it is driving me crazy because I KNOW she is not even thinking about us or even her own future in relationship right now, she is only trying to "get herself on track" by getting a new job and reconnecting with friends. She is blocking whatever emotion she feels about me so that she can do that. In the meantime, I am an emotional wreck. I have all the typical broken heart symptoms.
Well, that's about it. Have at it!
Hey,
Well, if her issue was commitment, she would've accepted your proposal. But unfortunately she didn't. It seems that she is actually trying to figure out what she wants in life. And apparently the only thing you can do is give her more time. I will suggest that you start preparing for the worst. There is a chance that she might never come back. Give her at least two months and then contact her after that. If she still feels the same, then consider moving on.
Hey,
Well, if her issue was commitment, she would've accepted your proposal. But unfortunately she didn't. It seems that she is actually trying to figure out what she wants in life. And apparently the only thing you can do is give her more time. I will suggest that you start preparing for the worst. There is a chance that she might never come back. Give her at least two months and then contact her after that. If she still feels the same, then consider moving on.
My ex and I were together for one year, towards our one anniversary we began fighting more and not being too happy around each other. In the months prior he got me a promise ring and I wore for a few months until I decided to give it back until we could stop arguing so much. He decided to give it back on our one year anniversary and that today turned out to be terrible because we got into the worst argument yet. That same day he gave me the ring I gave it right back, which he later said hurt him a lot and he needed space. After that he heard something that made him lose all trust for me (something months before ) he broke up with me and took a job out of state. After the breakup we didn't talk for almost two months. One night after he settle into his new home across the country he texted me drunk asking to come visit, and told me how he missing me. The conversation went on that night, however we didn't speak again for about a month when I asked to take up his invite and come visit. A few weeks later I went there and he was very wishy-washy. Part of the day he would call me babe, kiss me before work. Then later act distant. When I came home, we didn't talk at all, but being there with him, I realized how inlove I am still and have decided to go back for my birthday (two months later). Now it's a week till I get there and am unsure about how to act? I know he doesn't believe in long distant relationships but his job ends and he will be home possibly in 7 months for good. What should I do to get him to consider being in a relationship, while I'm there.
Thanks!
Just be yourself and don't act needy. I think you have a good chance of getting back together.
Just be yourself and don't act needy. I think you have a good chance of getting back together.
Hello
So about 3 weeks ago me and my boyfriend broke up. We ended breaking up because he wasn't sure of his feelings towards me any longer. He deactivated any source of contact for 2 weeks and on the 3week I was able to contact him. We spent a while on the phone but he stated that he didn't love me anymore like he used to, I didn't believe it though since he always tries a way to not hurt me and make things easier in his mind by letting go. But afterwards he then claimed he just went back in a relationship with a new girl, I've tried everything to win him over but he just refuses everything as if he never cared he tells me to move on, but its hard when he was also my bestfriend. Its very hard especially since he's a guy that falls into depression a lot and his mind speaks for him. But I dont know what to do anymore.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi there, you've got a great website in here, I kinda read through your steps already. And this is my case, I fell in love with my gf and I've waited for 5 years to make sure everything's right until I proposed to her, everything went good, we've been together for nearly two years, everyday having sweet times together and we seldom quarrel because we don't like quarreling, if we've got any problem we'll just sit down and settle it immediately, until few months ago, she was texting with a guy in the same class as her, I thought it was just friends chat and didn't really pay much attention to it as I wanted to give her freedom to make friends.
Then suddenly it came to this day when she suddenly proposed that we should be friends, she said she likes this guy and she likes me too, but she has lost her feelings on me, most of her friends supported me even her mother like me better than the new guy, they think we should be together instead of her be with the other guy there.
I've begged her many times and she insist that we should just be friends, she doesn't even wanna give me a chance to try again, she said that the chance of both of us getting together is quite small, everytime I asked about her and that guy, she'll just ignore my question, when I asked will she choose that guy over me, she'll just ignore me, now we've stopped texting, what should I do?
I really love her very much and she said she did and now even after we broke up, she also would like to hear about me and to know how am I doing lately, she said she still cares about me but it's just the feeling is not there. I really want her back, should I just let her go try the other guy there? What should I do now?
Hey Alex,
It sucks but the relationship you both had was not that special. The feelings you have for her are not similar to the feelings she had for you. She started emotionally (and maybe physically) cheating on you while you were together. And she decided to break it off.
Right now, by staying in contact with her, you are letting her eat her cake and have it too. You should not keep in touch with her and you should focus solely on healing from the breakup.
Follow the advice in the above article to think very carefully if getting back together is the right option for you. In addition, read these two articles.
My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me and I Will Use This To Become a Better Man
My Girlfriend Cheated on Me - What Should I Do
My case is similar Kevin. What do i expect after the no contact period? How do i approach it?
Mines too is really similar but he wants to be single for now..but after the 30 or 60 days no contact how could i introduce the subject subtly that we could maybe get back together because i know he still has something for me but not that strong anymore?
Mines too is really similar but he wants to be single for now..but after the 30 or 60 days no contact how could i introduce the subject subtly that we could maybe get back together because i know he still has something for me but not that strong anymore?
Mines too is really similar but he wants to be single for now..but after the 30 or 60 days no contact how could i introduce the subject subtly that we could maybe get back together because i know he still has something for me but not that strong anymore?
Mines too is really similar but he wants to be single for now..but after the 30 or 60 days no contact how could i introduce the subject subtly that we could maybe get back together because i know he still has something for me but not that strong anymore?
My case is similar Kevin. What do i expect after the no contact period? How do i approach it?
My case is similar Kevin. What do i expect after the no contact period? How do i approach it?
Hey Alex,
It sucks but the relationship you both had was not that special. The feelings you have for her are not similar to the feelings she had for you. She started emotionally (and maybe physically) cheating on you while you were together. And she decided to break it off.
Right now, by staying in contact with her, you are letting her eat her cake and have it too. You should not keep in touch with her and you should focus solely on healing from the breakup.
Follow the advice in the above article to think very carefully if getting back together is the right option for you. In addition, read these two articles.
My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me and I Will Use This To Become a Better Man
My Girlfriend Cheated on Me - What Should I Do
Hey Kevin, your website has helped me so much, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago and I feel like I have died on the inside. He ended it after 2 years as he said he loved me and I was his best friend, but he wasn't 'inlove' with me, he also felt like we were too young (I'm 19 he's 20) to be this 'settled/comfortable' in a relationship, we ended on good terms but we have spoken twice since we broke up- on the day it happened (I stupidly called him while I was drunk clubbing with friends that night) and then I messaged him the day after apologizing for being a mess the night before and to thank him for giving me such a beautiful first love etc, anyway, my question is- my boyfriend essentially is the one who suggested no talking for atleast a month, which I agreed to, but i was wondering do I still treat the no contact period the same? For example, should I be the first one to make contact or should I wait for him? We ended on good terms and I don't want to mess that up an ruin any future chance on us having a relationship- he said he know's we'll be friends in the future and he even said never say never and there's always a chance we could happen again, But I'm trying not to let myself have any expectations about the future as I know it will make getting over him that much harder, thanks for listening
Yes, you treat no contact the same. Ideally, you want them contacting you, but there is no harm in you making contact first.
Yes, you treat no contact the same. Ideally, you want them contacting you, but there is no harm in you making contact first.
Hi Kevin,
With regards to my letter letting my ex know I’m now divorced. I really want to get this right so would be so grateful if you could help me and answer these questions.
Best to hand deliver or post it?
I assume I keep the letter short but how short?
What do I put in the letter?
Do I tell her what I’ve been up to since we split? Ask her what she’s been doing?
Do I say ‘thought you might like to know I’m divorced or Good News I’m divorced or just I’m divorced now?
Say something like I’ve done what I always said I would so I am genuine so you can trust me, or something like that?
I assume it’s ok to ask after her son Luca as he was and is so special to me?
Also, a bone of contention with her was always the family home as she knew I loved it and she felt that I might not let it go. It is now subject to offer and likely to be sold within the next 2-3weeks. Do I mention this in the letter or keep it for another time?
Do I say I’d like to catch up with you maybe over a coffee sometime/Give me a call sometime/It would be nice to catch up as friends/Do you want to catch up?
How do I end the letter?
You said in your 5 point plan that you had a letter template. Would that help me and, if so, where can I get access to it?
Thanks again Kevin. Your help is much appreciated as always.
Post it.
I have a sample letter in the email series. I see you've already received the email regarding the sample letter.
I think you should just tell her about the divorce and leave it at that. Don't give her too much information and don't ask her to meet just yet. Other than that, use the template in the sample letter.
Thanks Kevin.
Letter drafted and posted.
She should get it when she gets home from work tomorrow night.
Fingers crossed it means something to her.
Thanks again for the advice.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed as well. :)
keep posting, let us know how she react after that.
thanks
keep posting, let us know how she react after that.
thanks
keep posting, let us know how she react after that.
thanks
keep posting, let us know how she react after that.
thanks
keep posting, let us know how she react after that.
thanks
I'm keeping my fingers crossed as well. :)
I'm keeping my fingers crossed as well. :)
I'm keeping my fingers crossed as well. :)
Thanks Kevin.
Letter drafted and posted.
She should get it when she gets home from work tomorrow night.
Fingers crossed it means something to her.
Thanks again for the advice.
Thanks Kevin.
Letter drafted and posted.
She should get it when she gets home from work tomorrow night.
Fingers crossed it means something to her.
Thanks again for the advice.
Post it.
I have a sample letter in the email series. I see you've already received the email regarding the sample letter.
I think you should just tell her about the divorce and leave it at that. Don't give her too much information and don't ask her to meet just yet. Other than that, use the template in the sample letter.
He left me a year ago and has dated 2 other women he told me he love the new girlfriend and wants to work it out but he love me more and he don't want any trouble he never get on fb but he use too with his ex
He will keep stringing you along if you stay in touch with him. It'll be better to let him go. If he ever breaks up with his gf, he will contact you.
He will keep stringing you along if you stay in touch with him. It'll be better to let him go. If he ever breaks up with his gf, he will contact you.
Hi Kevin!
My boyfriend of 1 year and 9 months and I just broke up last week. I had always had trust problems from previous boyfriends that carried over into our relationship. I made him cut out all of his friends and girl friends and not go to parties or go out anywhere. He knew I had trust problems and wanted to help me learn to trust him so he did all of these things for me.
However, I kept making him cut out things in his life because I felt that the more I asked him to do for me and if he would do it for me, the more control I had and the more I knew I could trust him. We began to fight every week about my controlling issues. I would find something I didn't like that he did and yell at him until he changed it.
He broke up with me because he couldn't handle it anymore and I understand why he did and I feel horrible about it. I have been trying to take my mistakes and grow from them and give him the space he needs.
I want him to be able to have friends of all gender and do what he wants without feeling like I am holding him back. I do miss him obviously but I feel that the 30 day period will bring me clarity and help a lot. I understand what I did wrong and would never do that to anyone again. However, I need opinions if this would be worth another shot or if it seems like a break up that just needs breathing space instead of full on ending it.
Same situation i had why my boyfriend broke up with me.
I think it's worth another shot if you actually work on your issues while you are both apart.
Right now, you just feel like you will not repeat the same mistakes again. But the fact is, you have some issues that lead you to want to control his life so much.
Those issues won't simply just go away once you get him back. You probably have an anxious attachment style, trust issues and maybe even self-esteem issues. And I urge you to explore all that before you both decide to get back together.
Same situation i had why my boyfriend broke up with me.
I think it's worth another shot if you actually work on your issues while you are both apart.
Right now, you just feel like you will not repeat the same mistakes again. But the fact is, you have some issues that lead you to want to control his life so much.
Those issues won't simply just go away once you get him back. You probably have an anxious attachment style, trust issues and maybe even self-esteem issues. And I urge you to explore all that before you both decide to get back together.
My ex of 3.5 years left me unexpectedly in January this year. It's been 2 months now. The thing is that I don't blame her for wanting to leave. I was in a pretty dark place and a lot of my misplaced anger and frustrations were taken out on her in a verbal manner. I had no idea that I was hurting us in such a way because she acted like everything was fine and normal until about a week before she was out the door. She said she would never date me again and we are "unhealthy". A week later she tells me she likes someone she just met and has been in a relationship with him for a little over a month now. She still stays in contact with me. (even though i keep nc) under the impression she "wants to be friends" and has "friendly feelings for me. I love this girl and was ready to make some pretty deep commitments with her. I never ever expected her to do something like this. Or lie to me for so long telling me im perfect when clearly I was anything but. I want her in my life. The last few months I've been doing stuff for me to improve myself. Cut down on smoking almost altogether. I eat healthy 3 square meals a day. I work out and exercise now. Jogging. Getting back into my music. Violin and guitar. Which I've neglected for so long. Working on bettering myself. Making me the best me I can. Im just confused and getting mixed signals like mad. I don't know how to proceed. I don't want to wait around for her to just dump the rebound dude. I'm not an option. I'm an adult (24 m) she is 22(f) im looking for an adult relationship. I thought her leaving me was a sign of her maturity. But with all thats happened. Im unsure of how to proceed. I want her in my life. I don't need her. How do I prove this to her? I've proven to myself.
Follow the 5 step plan. If you get her to meet you, she will realize it herself.
Follow the 5 step plan. If you get her to meet you, she will realize it herself.
Hi Kevin,
Long story short... we have been together for 6 months. During the 6 months he has lost his job, and other personal problems kept coming up. i stuck by him through it all. i supported him if he ever needed anything. just this last monday, he got irritated and said him and we have to slow this down. i asked to clarify if this is a break up. he said yes. i panicked. asked what i did wrong. he said nothing. i didnt do anything wrong. however he needs to get his life together. i am not getting what i deserve from him. and it isnt fair to me. i pleaded and told him that i dont care about that i am patient. he said he does. he doesnt feel like a man when he cannot even bring anything to the table and he is constantly depending on me. i was completely devastated. the next day, we spoke again. this time i was more calm... tried to reason with him. he said pretty much the same thing. i stated my case over and over again. he said not to try to change his mind. this is a good thing for us both. since monday, he has been in constant contact with me. mostly because he still has my car and he needed to bring it to the shop to get it fixed. but lastnight, he called me and we spoke for about an hour and a half. he spoke about everything he was doing in terms of his projects and dreams. he said i was the only one he talks to like this. it felt really good to hear him confide in me. he has not mentioned getting his stuff or bringing back my stuff yet. so i'm not sure what to do at this point. in part, i want him to still have my stuff so that it doesnt really feel so final and the other part of me just want to cut ties all together. becuase it hurts that someone you have given your whole self to can just walk away from you.
please help me.... i'm not sure where to go from here.
Cut him off and start no contact. Read this article. Always put your mental peace before everything else.
Cut him off and start no contact. Read this article. Always put your mental peace before everything else.
I'm really hoping you message me back because at this point I have no clue what to do anymore. I've been dating this guy for a year and we were madly in love with each other. We ended up getting into fights and he said he wanted a break..that broke my heart (this was in August). I did everything you said not to do; I was begging for him, crying, telling him how much he broke my heart, telling him how much I loved him, etc. I ALWAYS contacted him and I completely regret it now. After months of this, in the beginning of January he decided to call things off forever. He said he didn't want this to be a break anymore and wanted nothing to do with me and I cried and cried and cried trying to get him back but nothing worked (I didn't know what I was doing wrong at the time). Anyways, shortly after that he ended up getting a new girlfriend. I was torn, it's hard seeing the love of your life with someone else. Three weeks into their relationship he seemed happier but for some odd reason he ended up cheating on her with ME. Pretty sure that was a good sign right? Haha he ended up telling her that he cheated and she eventually just broke up with him. I was happy to be honest, he ended up having more in contact with me but I think I messed it up again because I kept telling him how much I missed him and stuff. It was completely dumb of me to do that I guess. He's starting to talk to his ex again blah blah blah. It's annoying. In class we flirt A LOT (we're upperclassmen in high school) we even kiss but when I see her name pop up on his phone I get a little worried. I asked him one day "are you and your ex still talking?" And he kept denying it. I knew he was lying because the next day his ex posts a pic of the both of them on twitter saying how happy she makes him. I confronted him about it and he said that nothing went on between them and they are just friends. He says he's single and he can do whatever he wants since we aren't dating anymore. It just annoying me because all we do is flirt in class and he does THAT? I don't know what this is supposed to mean at all. Ugh i really want him back but it's hard when that girl is in the way. I want to have no contact with him to see what he really wants but how am I supposed to do that when we sit RIGHT next to each other in class? I can't move seats..I have to see him every day. What should I do?!? We've never actually had a break from each other at all. It's hard to do so when we have the same class and sit next to each other. I really hope you can help me because I'm clueless. It's weird because he still gets mad at the things that I do..like if he thinks I'm flirting with a guy, he'll confront me and get pissed. Obviously he still cares but I don't understand why he's still talking to his ex :( maybe it's because she's avoiding him and like you said..it's human nature to want the things that are hard to get. But I don't know what to do anymore, please help? Thanks :)
Apply no contact. Even if he sits next to you in the class, let him know you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he stops the flirting and doesn't talk to you unless it's absolutely necessary.
Apply no contact. Even if he sits next to you in the class, let him know you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he stops the flirting and doesn't talk to you unless it's absolutely necessary.
I have been broken up with my ex since summer (I initiated). After one month went by I contacted her and told her basically that I'm in love with her and want to resume. It took about a week and then she finally came around. For the next couple of months we were progressing in some ways but still her defenses were up all the time and we hit barriers but we basically were in a relationship again by then. Then she called up one day and said she cannot continue because it hurts too much because of certain communication barriers.
Now it has been five months and I haven't been in contact with her other than to give simple, one line responses to her sporadic emails - which seemed to me like excuses to say hello. I have been working on myself and realized my shortfalls with the relationship. I have even been dating a few girls but unfortunately that makes me want my ex even more!
I'm still in love with this girl and happened to run into her at an event last week. We hung out and had a fun time, didn't talk about the relationship, just casual catching-up and stuff.
I couple days later I emailed her with some thoughtful words and ended it with asking to meet up. She responded and said she isn't comfortable meeting up right now but would like to be friends eventually. My hunch is that she is still in love with me and doesn't want to get hurt but I don't want to over-project. I responded with that's fine and that it was just a simple way to reconnect. How can I go on from here?
Wait a couple weeks and then text her again. Be a fun text buddy and then eventually move on to meeting up.
Wait a couple weeks and then text her again. Be a fun text buddy and then eventually move on to meeting up.
I have been with my ex for almost a year. I am 19 and i'll be 20 in may. We are exactly a year apart. His bday was a few weeks ago. He turned 21. I've been jealous that hes out with his friend kyle and his gf mary. My bf and i got into a really bad argument a couple nights ago. I tried telling him how i feel and how our relationship was changing. I was upset as much as he was and i told him that he can go and be with mary and i said that he can be with a 21 y old bitch that will party with him all the time. And we tried talking about the whole fight last night after i got out of work and it didn't end very well. He said that he was done. And i kept telling him we're not done. And he said we are. He tried to move me away and i refused to move so i climbed into his truck and refused to get out. He said that hes going to call the police if i didn't get out of his truck. So i got out but before i got out i slapped him and got in my car drove away bawling my eyes out. I don't know what to do! Im so lost without him. It was an argument and every couple fights. I dont understand. My friend mary and her bf fought all the time through out their relationship for the first year and now they barely fight. I dont know what to do. Ive never loved anyone so much. Ive never seen him cry and last night was the first time he did. Please help!
Hey Eliza,
Follow the advise in the article. You have a very good chance of getting back together. I know you feel horrible right now, but trust me, you will start feeling better with time.
Hey Eliza,
Follow the advise in the article. You have a very good chance of getting back together. I know you feel horrible right now, but trust me, you will start feeling better with time.
Hi Kevin
It's been just over 2 weeks no contact and today I learnt from a work colleague (he met her 3 times with me on my work drinks) that my ex sent her a facebook message a few days ago to ask where she went in her pictures, it seemed a really innocent message. He was never the malicious type and always very loyal to me. However, how come he messaged her and not me? I did tell him I wanted to cut all contact but is he doing this to annoy me or has he just moved on already? I deleted him a few days after he sent her the message but I did not know he had messaged my friend.
Also, I tried to subscribe to your emails but they haven't reached my inbox yet.
Thanks for your article!
Hey,
If it was really just an innocent message, there is no point in over analyzing it. Unless he tries to take it further with that girl, it doesn't really mean anything. And it seems you were unsubscribed from the email list. You'll have to enter your name and email again to get subscribe.
Hey,
If it was really just an innocent message, there is no point in over analyzing it. Unless he tries to take it further with that girl, it doesn't really mean anything. And it seems you were unsubscribed from the email list. You'll have to enter your name and email again to get subscribe.
Hi Kevin,
"What If We Had a Nasty Breakup?" the "Nasty Breakup" you mentioned consists of my EX Cheating on me and cause breakup? D:
Well, in that case, you need to first decide if you can trust your ex again before getting in touch.
Well, in that case, you need to first decide if you can trust your ex again before getting in touch.
hello Kevin,
i've applyied nc rule for 30 days and got back to hear from him last week with some texts, last night i've asked him if he celebrated ( it was his bday) and he replied me today sending me the pics of a girl with the text "yeah, i've celebrated with her and had sex with her 5 times". what a jerk! why is he acting like this? is this a revenge? a rebound relationship? why did he act so mean? i'm desperate
He is a jerk. He is probably still holding a grudge against you. The reason he acted mean is because he is mean. I wouldn't recommend you wait for him anymore. Stay no contact for another 60 days and if you still want him back after that, contact him.
He is a jerk. He is probably still holding a grudge against you. The reason he acted mean is because he is mean. I wouldn't recommend you wait for him anymore. Stay no contact for another 60 days and if you still want him back after that, contact him.
Hey me and my ex were together for almost 8 months and we were texting and during that time i was working and i asked him why'd he like going to the low and 5 hours later didnt text me back so the next day i found out by 2 girls that dont like me that he was with a girl in the park and that girl happend to be his friend and i told him about it and hes was like yeah i was at the park but u shouldnt even care cuz u talk to ur ex and other foos
Why did he act that way with me ?
It's hard to say why he did it. My best guess is he is having second thoughts about the relationship and he just wants to explore his options. I'll recommend you don't act needy in any way and back off a little bit.
It's hard to say why he did it. My best guess is he is having second thoughts about the relationship and he just wants to explore his options. I'll recommend you don't act needy in any way and back off a little bit.
It's hard to say why he did it. My best guess is he is having second thoughts about the relationship and he just wants to explore his options. I'll recommend you don't act needy in any way and back off a little bit.
Why did he act that way with me ?
Hi,
Thank you for the wonderful website. I just broke up with my girlfriend last night. We were together for 1.5 years. The last 3 months, she's gotten a new job, new friends, new life and started finding me clingy and needy. I intruded her privacy by reading her text that she felt violated. I was insecure. We cried a lot last night, she hugged me and refused to let go. We were hugging and crying for an hour. I beg her to return but she said that there's no trust and we will only end up in quarrels. I'm not sure if she fell for someone else as there's this guy she's constantly texting. But I felt she couldn't let go of us too. I texted her to ask her back today but she refused. I'm going to try the NC for 30 days. What do you think are the chances she will come back?
Pretty good. Don't act needy. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
Pretty good. Don't act needy. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
Hey Kevin just wanted to thank you for a great article. The best one I've read in all my "getting ex back" searches. I def have questions for you but I'll save it for another day. Just wanted to let you know that you're appreciated man!!!
Thanks for your comment Anthony. I am glad the article helped.
Thanks for your comment Anthony. I am glad the article helped.
Hey,
So here is my situation.
My ex and I broke up a week ago. We have had a bumpy relationship with a 9 month break. To preface this, I love this girl. More than anything. And I am willing to do anything for her, and she knows that. She begged me to move back from somewhere where I was established, and I did because I love her.
She is a commitment phobe. Always has been, and I feel like I can deal with that. In the days leading up to the breakup, she told me she loved me for the first time in 2 years. We spoke, with her bringing up, about moving in together, marriage, kids, and made plans for our future. In many ways the breakup makes no sense. It goes against everything she has said and done. Which makes me feel as though it has not ended.
We broke up once before, with a trust issue(which I will touch on again soon), thinking I had cheated on her. Her previous relationship was 6 years, and her ex had cheated on her for more than 5 years. He proposed, and she had said yes. She found out about until cheating a few days later, and met me a few months after. After a year and a bit, we booked a trip to the Dominican. She was told I had cheated on her by a friend, which was untrue as she would soon discover, leaving me with the debt of the trip. I was able to get flight credit, to be used at a later date. Though half was in her name.
We were planning another trip with the credit, after getting back together, and she broke up with me again, a couple weeks before the credit expires.
What I am currently thinking, is to book the trip we had planned, and send her the ticket. Tell her to take her time and if she feels like it, to come to the airport and go on the trip with me. If she doesn't show, I can give up. Either way, there is a trip for me! I wanted to know what you thought about this.
Please advise me,
It's a risky move. And considering her fragile state, I wouldn't count on her showing up. I guess if you understand how hard it will be for you if she doesn't show up and you are really willing to give up if she doesn't show up, then go for it. I'll suggest you at least give her three to four weeks to decide.
It's a risky move. And considering her fragile state, I wouldn't count on her showing up. I guess if you understand how hard it will be for you if she doesn't show up and you are really willing to give up if she doesn't show up, then go for it. I'll suggest you at least give her three to four weeks to decide.
Hey Kevin,
So my ex and I were together for about 6-7 months when we broke up because I was going back to school 12 hours away and he didn't want to do a long distance relationship. I said okay because I had done a few myself and they sucked. Well we stayed in contact while during that time and after a while I felt like we were kind of drifting apart and when I talked to him about it he said he wasn't very good at staying in contact with anyone and that he didn't want to lead me to think we we're going to get back together. After I read this I kind of did my own thing, but we ended up seeing each other when I came home for winter break and I was under the impression that we were just going to hang out as friends since that seemed to be what he wanted at the time. He picked me up in the clothes he wore to clinic (he's a med student) which was dress pants, a dress shirt and bow tie. We went out for BBQ for lunch and then went back to his place and we ended up watching a movie. While we watched this movie, he only had on boxers and an undershirt and he held out his arm for me to cuddle with him while we watched. Later on throughout the movie he kissed me, I didn't initiate. We finished watching the movie and we ended up sleeping together and afterwards he got a text from his friends about going out to eat. I assumed that he was going to take me home before we went out with them but he asked me to go with him and apparently he had already told his friends that he was with me. The restaurant we went to was pretty nice and we had a wine tasting before dinner. After dinner he, myself and his friends went to a bar for a little bit and at one point one of his friends approaches him and asks if we are getting back together. Neither of us respond because at the time we honestly didn't know.
During that same break he took me out to see a movie and we held hands throughout the whole thing and after we went back to his place and he showed me his baby pictures and a few family photos, something he had never done before. Then at some point I was talking to him about moving in with one of my friends if she happens to get a house and that was when he proposed that we move in together and I asked him if he was sure he would want that and he said I think we should set up a separate bed in case, but I don't think it will be a bad thing.
This same pattern went on all winter break with him and we kept in touch via skype and calling and text when I went back to school and everything seemed to be going well and we were communicating a lot better. Then about a 4-6 weeks ago he tells me that he has started seeing someone else and he said he didn't know how serious it was but he didn't want me to be blindsided IF we didn't hang out as much. This sounded like it could be a rebound relationship especially considering how things developed between us over break but I can't tell. When he and I talked about it because I expressed my confusion about a lot of the things that happened over spring break, he said he was sorry about leading me on and that it wasn't intentional and that it's easy to fall back into a relationship like that. I asked him about how long it had been since he started seeing this girl and he said it was a few weeks before from the time he told me and when I asked why he didn't tell me sooner he said it wouldn't have been worth mentioning if it was only a few dates. I asked him how it was going and he said okay, it's been a while since I've dated anyone, invalidating the fact that what we did over break wasn't dating. Obviously, I was upset and I told him that I felt unimportant to him because of what he said and he expressed that that wasn't true and that I was important to him and he didn't want to lose me and he would do what he needed to do (within reason) to make me happy. At that point I told him I needed my space and that I wouldn't be going to his birthday party anymore when I came home for spring break because I didn't want to be about his new girlfriend and since then we have talked maybe three times and at one point when I mentioned his new girlfriend, he said nothing about her in his response. What does all this mean? Is this new girl a rebound and if so what are my next steps. I should also mention that he's not a big FB poster so that signal was invalid for me but it seems like all the other signals match up. In addition, this new girl doesn't really seem like all the other girls he's dated before me (I was also different from his usual type which makes me wonder if I was the rebound but he was single for more than a year when we met, so I don't know) and she's not friends with any of his friends and vise versa though I don't know if that has anything to do with it.
Sorry this is so long. Please Help!
Hey Kara,
I also think it's a rebound. I think you should stop talking for a while and let him continue with his girlfriend. Hopefully, his relationship will be over before you go back. Contact him only when you go back home.
Thank you so much, that gives me a lot more hope than I had before. So I shouldn't try to contact him once the thirty days are up? Not even two or three weeks before I come home?
I think it's a good idea to contact a week or two before you come home.
I think it's a good idea to contact a week or two before you come home.
I think it's a good idea to contact a week or two before you come home.
I think it's a good idea to contact a week or two before you come home.
Thank you so much, that gives me a lot more hope than I had before. So I shouldn't try to contact him once the thirty days are up? Not even two or three weeks before I come home?
Thank you so much, that gives me a lot more hope than I had before. So I shouldn't try to contact him once the thirty days are up? Not even two or three weeks before I come home?
Hey Kara,
I also think it's a rebound. I think you should stop talking for a while and let him continue with his girlfriend. Hopefully, his relationship will be over before you go back. Contact him only when you go back home.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I broke up around a month ago and it was because of a silly mistake. I got too jealous of this girl he doesnt even like and I ended up breaking up with him. He said he got fed up of me being jealous all the time and I always fix it by breaking up and he needed some time and space. I begged him and chased after him for a few days until I decided to tell him I'll stop acting pathetic and just be friends with him because he was a great friend to me first before becoming my boyfriend. We got back together after a day and I really did stop getting jealous over silly things and gave him more space when he was with his friends.
However, he got his head too big and demanded more things. whenever we had misunderstandings he expected me to say sorry first and he always acted cool and waited for me to beg him and say sorry. I then thought this was unfair and got fed up of it. I broke up with him after 2 weeks of getting back together and told him I could do better than him and someone else deserves me.
I realised after a short while, I still love him but I just want him to go back to how he was before. I never begged him to come back but whenever I felt hurt I would text him 'i miss you' 'i love you still'.. but that was all of it.. he then started to reply telling me to stop bothering him and to move on. He said he will just ignore my texts.
first, does that mean he really wants me to move on and forget him?
I told him fine I will move on and stop bothering you but i still love you. if ever you need a friend i am still here for you and if ever you start feeling you still love me then let me know because i might feel the same too by that time.
since then i stopped texting him, stalking him etc..
made new friends.. went out on dates
texted new guys who are more attractive and more intelligent than him
(from the start my friends told us he's too ugly and dumb for me thats why he always got jealous when i talk to guys and i even stopped talking to my friends because of that)
I'm now talking to this guy who's more attractive and he's a gentleman (unlike the person my ex has become). He makes me happy every now and then but I still think about my ex all the time and at the back of my mind I still believe we would get back together and this is just one of the hardships we have to face.
Is it wrong for me to think like that? should i just move on now?
I still love my ex. He's my first love (and first everything).. I really believed he was the one and we've already planned out our future. It's so hard to believe that this is really the end.
I havent talked to him for 2 weeks now. every now and then i always wonder if he acually misses me and just holding back or if he really doesnt care anymore. (we were together for 15 months and i was his first love as well). I want him back so badly and I wonder if he's decided to move on and enjoy his youth (from both first yr uni students). Would NC work for him? (I do actually think he will move on during that time).
also throughout our relationship, it has always been me who chased after him after every arguments.
Hey Sarah,
I think you should apply no contact for at least 4-6 more weeks. Yes, there is a risk he might move on, but I think it's important for you to think things through before trying to get back with him. It seems you were unhappy in the relationship, which is why you kept on breaking up with him instead of trying to fix the problem. Even if you do get back together, you need to work on your communication and you need to think whether or not you can have a healthy relationship with him. Unless he is willing to work on his communication issues as well, you can never have a future together.
Every now and then i think of him and feel really regretful. although it was both our mistake, i wish that i should have just compromised.
He used to tell me he doesn't ever want to lose me. In fact on the day we broke up, we met up and he told me how happy he was we were back together and he started telling me about his plans for us in the future.
Only i brought up the thing that made me upset (which was him demanding more and getting his head too big). He got angry after being sweet and loving and we broke up minutes later.
I can't accept the fact that he doesnt wanna fix problems in our relationship but then act really loving and sweet. It's been two weeks since that happened. He hasnt contacted me at all (neither have I).
Im his first love and the first girl he introduced to his very mum (whom he's scared of). He told me before even if we break up for real, he doesnt think he'll ever find another girl to love as much as he loved me. He used to be a hopeless romantic guy and thats why i fell in love with him in the first place. Only he changed a little after moving to uni and wanted freedom which i understand now.
Do you think he's fixed on moving on? or is he just confused about getting back together with me? ( a friend told me he might still love me but probably thinks theres no point of getting back together since the same mistakes may happen again and he might just not be bothered to argue like that again) Is this true?
I still strongly hope there is a chance between us. But i need an honest opinion to help myself get on with life.
Yes, there is a chance between you. But as I said in my last comment, you need to think things through before getting back with him. Your friend might be right. And you have to absolutely sure that you can fix your issues before getting back together.
Yes, there is a chance between you. But as I said in my last comment, you need to think things through before getting back with him. Your friend might be right. And you have to absolutely sure that you can fix your issues before getting back together.
Yes, there is a chance between you. But as I said in my last comment, you need to think things through before getting back with him. Your friend might be right. And you have to absolutely sure that you can fix your issues before getting back together.
Yes, there is a chance between you. But as I said in my last comment, you need to think things through before getting back with him. Your friend might be right. And you have to absolutely sure that you can fix your issues before getting back together.
Every now and then i think of him and feel really regretful. although it was both our mistake, i wish that i should have just compromised.
He used to tell me he doesn't ever want to lose me. In fact on the day we broke up, we met up and he told me how happy he was we were back together and he started telling me about his plans for us in the future.
Only i brought up the thing that made me upset (which was him demanding more and getting his head too big). He got angry after being sweet and loving and we broke up minutes later.
I can't accept the fact that he doesnt wanna fix problems in our relationship but then act really loving and sweet. It's been two weeks since that happened. He hasnt contacted me at all (neither have I).
Im his first love and the first girl he introduced to his very mum (whom he's scared of). He told me before even if we break up for real, he doesnt think he'll ever find another girl to love as much as he loved me. He used to be a hopeless romantic guy and thats why i fell in love with him in the first place. Only he changed a little after moving to uni and wanted freedom which i understand now.
Do you think he's fixed on moving on? or is he just confused about getting back together with me? ( a friend told me he might still love me but probably thinks theres no point of getting back together since the same mistakes may happen again and he might just not be bothered to argue like that again) Is this true?
I still strongly hope there is a chance between us. But i need an honest opinion to help myself get on with life.
Every now and then i think of him and feel really regretful. although it was both our mistake, i wish that i should have just compromised.
He used to tell me he doesn't ever want to lose me. In fact on the day we broke up, we met up and he told me how happy he was we were back together and he started telling me about his plans for us in the future.
Only i brought up the thing that made me upset (which was him demanding more and getting his head too big). He got angry after being sweet and loving and we broke up minutes later.
I can't accept the fact that he doesnt wanna fix problems in our relationship but then act really loving and sweet. It's been two weeks since that happened. He hasnt contacted me at all (neither have I).
Im his first love and the first girl he introduced to his very mum (whom he's scared of). He told me before even if we break up for real, he doesnt think he'll ever find another girl to love as much as he loved me. He used to be a hopeless romantic guy and thats why i fell in love with him in the first place. Only he changed a little after moving to uni and wanted freedom which i understand now.
Do you think he's fixed on moving on? or is he just confused about getting back together with me? ( a friend told me he might still love me but probably thinks theres no point of getting back together since the same mistakes may happen again and he might just not be bothered to argue like that again) Is this true?
I still strongly hope there is a chance between us. But i need an honest opinion to help myself get on with life.
Hey Sarah,
I think you should apply no contact for at least 4-6 more weeks. Yes, there is a risk he might move on, but I think it's important for you to think things through before trying to get back with him. It seems you were unhappy in the relationship, which is why you kept on breaking up with him instead of trying to fix the problem. Even if you do get back together, you need to work on your communication and you need to think whether or not you can have a healthy relationship with him. Unless he is willing to work on his communication issues as well, you can never have a future together.
Hi Kevin,
Can I write the email after 3 weeks no contact? She moved out more than a month ago I just sent to her some needy desperate text messages (not too many) and tried to call her twice during the first week, that's why I started the program a week later. She needed space, that's what she said.
My other question is, can I write in that e-mail like "I wish I could turn back the time when we first met but I know It's too late..or something like this? Or it's too emotional?
Thanks for you answer Kevin
Too emotional and needy. Stick to the format mentioned in the article. And yes, you can write the email after 3 weeks if you think you are ready to handle communication with your ex (because there is a good chance she will contact you when she receives it).
Many thanks Kevin, then I'll probably just gonna write that kind of stuff in a following text message just later if she writes me back.
Another question, I've read Mike Fiore's book and he says that never apologies for anything, but in your article you say that I should apologies for the crazy things I did after she moved out. Or Mike means that never apoligies for the things I did before the break up? All I did is I sent a few (3-4) needy text messages during the first week and I tried to call her only twice. I was gonna say in that mail "sorry" for that but now I'm not sure if I should apologies that or not?
Other thing is I decided to move to another flat from the old flat we lived together to "move on", can I mention it in the email or just leave it as my secret for now and she will just find out from someone else or I can tell her later?
I really appreciate what you do and thanks again for your answer!
Hey John,
If I remember correctly, he was talking about not feeling sorry for yourself. I think he meant more about not apologizing in a way that makes you look needy and desperate. You know something like "I am really sorry for what I did. I hope you forgive me for what I did. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I want you to know I love you etc. etc."
I recommend a simple short apology. It doesn't come off as needy and desperate. It's just an apology where you are not even asking for their forgiveness. You are just apologizing. That's why it doesn't come off as needy and it actually makes them think of you as not needy.
I think it'll be better if you don't mention the flat bit. It'll look like you are trying to convince her that you've moved on.
Hi Kevin, sorry to bother you again, but you know how it is, I'm worried if I made mistake.
So thia was the letter I sent:
First I agreed that she moved out was the best for both of us. Then I apologiesed for the few stupid text messages.
In the third bit I might revealed too much saying that i do many sports and started to cook for myself. And I also told her that I go out with friends as they are nice and always ask me to go with them here and there. Alsomentioned that I'm going to mountain climbing soon.
(Ithink it was too much, did I screw everything?? I think it didn't sound good after I sent, just you mentioned in your previous artcle that we should write down the positive changes "3. If you are doing something new or something exciting in your life, tell her about it.")
The last bit was the same as something exciting happened to me and I would like to talk about it but we both need some time more.
Did I make a big mistake by this or the e-mail not that bad?
Many thanks mate and sorry for the too many question.
I think you revealed a bit too much. It might sound like you are rubbing it on her face how well you are doing. But don't worry about it. Whatever happened, happened. Continue with the plan.
I think you revealed a bit too much. It might sound like you are rubbing it on her face how well you are doing. But don't worry about it. Whatever happened, happened. Continue with the plan.
I think you revealed a bit too much. It might sound like you are rubbing it on her face how well you are doing. But don't worry about it. Whatever happened, happened. Continue with the plan.
I think you revealed a bit too much. It might sound like you are rubbing it on her face how well you are doing. But don't worry about it. Whatever happened, happened. Continue with the plan.
I think you revealed a bit too much. It might sound like you are rubbing it on her face how well you are doing. But don't worry about it. Whatever happened, happened. Continue with the plan.
I think you revealed a bit too much. It might sound like you are rubbing it on her face how well you are doing. But don't worry about it. Whatever happened, happened. Continue with the plan.
Hi Kevin, sorry to bother you again, but you know how it is, I'm worried if I made mistake.
So thia was the letter I sent:
First I agreed that she moved out was the best for both of us. Then I apologiesed for the few stupid text messages.
In the third bit I might revealed too much saying that i do many sports and started to cook for myself. And I also told her that I go out with friends as they are nice and always ask me to go with them here and there. Alsomentioned that I'm going to mountain climbing soon.
(Ithink it was too much, did I screw everything?? I think it didn't sound good after I sent, just you mentioned in your previous artcle that we should write down the positive changes "3. If you are doing something new or something exciting in your life, tell her about it.")
The last bit was the same as something exciting happened to me and I would like to talk about it but we both need some time more.
Did I make a big mistake by this or the e-mail not that bad?
Many thanks mate and sorry for the too many question.
Hi Kevin, sorry to bother you again, but you know how it is, I'm worried if I made mistake.
So thia was the letter I sent:
First I agreed that she moved out was the best for both of us. Then I apologiesed for the few stupid text messages.
In the third bit I might revealed too much saying that i do many sports and started to cook for myself. And I also told her that I go out with friends as they are nice and always ask me to go with them here and there. Alsomentioned that I'm going to mountain climbing soon.
(Ithink it was too much, did I screw everything?? I think it didn't sound good after I sent, just you mentioned in your previous artcle that we should write down the positive changes "3. If you are doing something new or something exciting in your life, tell her about it.")
The last bit was the same as something exciting happened to me and I would like to talk about it but we both need some time more.
Did I make a big mistake by this or the e-mail not that bad?
Many thanks mate and sorry for the too many question.
Hi Kevin, sorry to bother you again, but you know how it is, I'm worried if I made mistake.
So thia was the letter I sent:
First I agreed that she moved out was the best for both of us. Then I apologiesed for the few stupid text messages.
In the third bit I might revealed too much saying that i do many sports and started to cook for myself. And I also told her that I go out with friends as they are nice and always ask me to go with them here and there. Alsomentioned that I'm going to mountain climbing soon.
(Ithink it was too much, did I screw everything?? I think it didn't sound good after I sent, just you mentioned in your previous artcle that we should write down the positive changes "3. If you are doing something new or something exciting in your life, tell her about it.")
The last bit was the same as something exciting happened to me and I would like to talk about it but we both need some time more.
Did I make a big mistake by this or the e-mail not that bad?
Many thanks mate and sorry for the too many question.
Hi Kevin, sorry to bother you again, but you know how it is, I'm worried if I made mistake.
So thia was the letter I sent:
First I agreed that she moved out was the best for both of us. Then I apologiesed for the few stupid text messages.
In the third bit I might revealed too much saying that i do many sports and started to cook for myself. And I also told her that I go out with friends as they are nice and always ask me to go with them here and there. Alsomentioned that I'm going to mountain climbing soon.
(Ithink it was too much, did I screw everything?? I think it didn't sound good after I sent, just you mentioned in your previous artcle that we should write down the positive changes "3. If you are doing something new or something exciting in your life, tell her about it.")
The last bit was the same as something exciting happened to me and I would like to talk about it but we both need some time more.
Did I make a big mistake by this or the e-mail not that bad?
Many thanks mate and sorry for the too many question.
Hey John,
If I remember correctly, he was talking about not feeling sorry for yourself. I think he meant more about not apologizing in a way that makes you look needy and desperate. You know something like "I am really sorry for what I did. I hope you forgive me for what I did. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I want you to know I love you etc. etc."
I recommend a simple short apology. It doesn't come off as needy and desperate. It's just an apology where you are not even asking for their forgiveness. You are just apologizing. That's why it doesn't come off as needy and it actually makes them think of you as not needy.
I think it'll be better if you don't mention the flat bit. It'll look like you are trying to convince her that you've moved on.
Hey John,
If I remember correctly, he was talking about not feeling sorry for yourself. I think he meant more about not apologizing in a way that makes you look needy and desperate. You know something like "I am really sorry for what I did. I hope you forgive me for what I did. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I want you to know I love you etc. etc."
I recommend a simple short apology. It doesn't come off as needy and desperate. It's just an apology where you are not even asking for their forgiveness. You are just apologizing. That's why it doesn't come off as needy and it actually makes them think of you as not needy.
I think it'll be better if you don't mention the flat bit. It'll look like you are trying to convince her that you've moved on.
Hey John,
If I remember correctly, he was talking about not feeling sorry for yourself. I think he meant more about not apologizing in a way that makes you look needy and desperate. You know something like "I am really sorry for what I did. I hope you forgive me for what I did. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I want you to know I love you etc. etc."
I recommend a simple short apology. It doesn't come off as needy and desperate. It's just an apology where you are not even asking for their forgiveness. You are just apologizing. That's why it doesn't come off as needy and it actually makes them think of you as not needy.
I think it'll be better if you don't mention the flat bit. It'll look like you are trying to convince her that you've moved on.
Many thanks Kevin, then I'll probably just gonna write that kind of stuff in a following text message just later if she writes me back.
Another question, I've read Mike Fiore's book and he says that never apologies for anything, but in your article you say that I should apologies for the crazy things I did after she moved out. Or Mike means that never apoligies for the things I did before the break up? All I did is I sent a few (3-4) needy text messages during the first week and I tried to call her only twice. I was gonna say in that mail "sorry" for that but now I'm not sure if I should apologies that or not?
Other thing is I decided to move to another flat from the old flat we lived together to "move on", can I mention it in the email or just leave it as my secret for now and she will just find out from someone else or I can tell her later?
I really appreciate what you do and thanks again for your answer!
Many thanks Kevin, then I'll probably just gonna write that kind of stuff in a following text message just later if she writes me back.
Another question, I've read Mike Fiore's book and he says that never apologies for anything, but in your article you say that I should apologies for the crazy things I did after she moved out. Or Mike means that never apoligies for the things I did before the break up? All I did is I sent a few (3-4) needy text messages during the first week and I tried to call her only twice. I was gonna say in that mail "sorry" for that but now I'm not sure if I should apologies that or not?
Other thing is I decided to move to another flat from the old flat we lived together to "move on", can I mention it in the email or just leave it as my secret for now and she will just find out from someone else or I can tell her later?
I really appreciate what you do and thanks again for your answer!
Too emotional and needy. Stick to the format mentioned in the article. And yes, you can write the email after 3 weeks if you think you are ready to handle communication with your ex (because there is a good chance she will contact you when she receives it).
My guy broke up with me simply because I complained that he has not call me for two weeks, he got angry and said what the big deal if he has not being calling me and I got angry at him, after which we had an argument over the issue and we said all kind of nasty word at each other, when I finally calm down, I realised I allowed my anger take the better part of me; then I called him back later and apologised to him, but he said he can no longer put up with my attitude. Ever since then I have being begging him, but he said no. This is a seven years relationship. Please, what do I do?
Since it's a seven year relationship, I think the reason he gave you for breaking up is just BS. The real reason for him breaking up is probably different. Follow the 5 step plan.
Since it's a seven year relationship, I think the reason he gave you for breaking up is just BS. The real reason for him breaking up is probably different. Follow the 5 step plan.
My ex broke up with me around a month and a half ago because he felt that his feelings had gone for me. He said 'loved me as a friend' but that was it. I wasn't the best girlfriend while we were together - I tried to break up with him then changed my mind and he told me this is why his feelings began to change. After a two week break we met up but he still just wanted to be friends and said he wasn't ready for anything again and didn't want a relationship but he would think about maybe starting from scratch. I stopped speaking to him after that then a week later bumped into him when I was on a night out with a group of friends. The next day he texted me to see how I was and said that it was a nice surprise to see me, (he said he had also had been helping my sister with a problem, so I replied a couple of days later as I felt obliged to say thanks) and then he did the same. After that I didn't respond but then he was surprisingly at a gig he knew I would be at last week and I also bumped into him travelling back home (where he often holidays) two days later. We were amiable to each other in our brief talks. I'm trying to implement NC but I don't know how it can work properly if we keep bumping into one another and have a similar friends group. What do you think about all this? Is there any hope for me?!
There is hope in my opinion. Bumping into him is not an issue as long as you are not the one doing it. Whenever you bump into him, be amiable as you have been and keep the conversation short.
Thanks for your help. My male friend spoke to my ex last night about our relationship but my ex said although he still cared greatly for me and apparently was very complimentary about me he just didn't think we should get back together or felt he wanted to give things another go. Should I just give up or is this what should be expected? I feel so confused. I don't want to give up but I also don't want to keep chasing something that's lost. I don't want to be hurt again.
Thanks for your help. My male friend spoke to my ex last night about our relationship but my ex said although he still cared greatly for me and apparently was very complimentary about me he just didn't think we should get back together or felt he wanted to give things another go. Should I just give up or is this what should be expected? I feel so confused. I don't want to give up but I also don't want to keep chasing something that's lost. I don't want to be hurt again.
Thanks for your help. My male friend spoke to my ex last night about our relationship but my ex said although he still cared greatly for me and apparently was very complimentary about me he just didn't think we should get back together or felt he wanted to give things another go. Should I just give up or is this what should be expected? I feel so confused. I don't want to give up but I also don't want to keep chasing something that's lost. I don't want to be hurt again.
There is hope in my opinion. Bumping into him is not an issue as long as you are not the one doing it. Whenever you bump into him, be amiable as you have been and keep the conversation short.
I broke up with my boyfriend about a year and a half ago bc he gave me all of himself and it scared me. I felt like I had to make him happy, and part of that is just my personality, so I was suffocated by the dynamics of our relationship and I ended it after 3 months. He did all the "don'ts" on your list and, like you said, it just pushed me away even more. I haven't been able to move on despite my best efforts. I tried to be his friend 3 times bc we are in a class together (I'm in 12th grade) but I just realize I really like him. Then, I reacently forced a kiss on him (I know, what was I thinking) and he pushed me away and so I ran. We text later so I thought it was ok, so the next day I try again, and he completely rejects me, telling me he's confused and he feels like when we first got together: like he has no idea how to handle his feelings. There was much more drama, but that's the jist of it. I told him we can try to be friends, but I honestly don't know. Should I just do the 5 step
Plan? I ask bc he'll think I'm ignoring him bc we talked about what we did while we were broken up and when I'd feel anxious, I'd tell him we should just go back to ignoring each other, and he said he doesn't want that, but doesn't, think a relationship is good either. I agreed with him, but after being pushed away, I realize I'm very willing to be part of a relationship. We still have that one class together, so how does that fit with the "no contact"? I'm totally willing to do what ever I need to create a happy, healthy relationship.
Hey Bee,
Follow the 5 step plan. Don't talk about anything personal whenever you meet him. Treat him like an acquaintance during no contact.
Hey Bee,
Follow the 5 step plan. Don't talk about anything personal whenever you meet him. Treat him like an acquaintance during no contact.
Hey Kevin, it's me again. I was approached by this random guy today at the store. He called me sexy and asked for my number and other small questions but honestly I was turned off because of the so called "compliment". He didn't even ask for my name, and he only got it when he gave me his first and my name showed up. Should I even bother with this guy with the things he said and knowing that I have feelings for my ex? I know the guide said that you should go out on dates but I'm not even sure if I'll even be into it if it goes that far. Thanks Kevin!
Hey,
Well, it's completely your decision. Even if you are not interested in the guy, a simple date will not do you any harm. If nothing else, you might just get a good story to tell your friends. Just be clear about yourself and don't give him the impression that you are looking for a serious relationship unless you are over your ex.
Hey,
Well, it's completely your decision. Even if you are not interested in the guy, a simple date will not do you any harm. If nothing else, you might just get a good story to tell your friends. Just be clear about yourself and don't give him the impression that you are looking for a serious relationship unless you are over your ex.
Kevin,
I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year last night. It was a semi-mutual breakup. He claimed he lost feelings for me but never acted that way or showed it. When we were together we would have so much fun and everything would be great, the second we weren't together and he would text or call me he became mean and said he didnt feel anything. I began to want a way out when I found out he was hanging out with a girl behind my back, but nothing sexual happening, he said he just didnt want me to know.... I do love him and I do want things to be re-patched up, but I want to know if this is something I should just give up on and push through the pain or try to rekindle... I do truly love being around him and being with him, we connect in ways I havent before. I just dont know if what has happened are signs to leave, or if him becoming a raging dick when we arent around each other means that the "no-contact" rule will make this worse...
Grace
I don't think no contact will make it worse. I do think you will be able to make a better decision if you go through the no contact rule for 30 days. That's the main purpose of no contact. To clear up the confusion. To help you decide whether you should try to rekindle or move on.
I don't think no contact will make it worse. I do think you will be able to make a better decision if you go through the no contact rule for 30 days. That's the main purpose of no contact. To clear up the confusion. To help you decide whether you should try to rekindle or move on.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my ex became close friends again. Recently I went to a party and a random girl comes up to me asking if I was V. When I said yeah she smiles and walks away. Later I run into her again and she says that she's texting my ex and he says hi. I was so confused on how she knows my name and that I dated my ex. She kept looking at me smiling. What do u think happend?
It's hard to say what happened. No point thinking about it too much. You can simply ask your ex whenever you speak to him.
It's hard to say what happened. No point thinking about it too much. You can simply ask your ex whenever you speak to him.
My ex broke up with me a few days after valentines day and said he just doesn't love me anymore and haven't for 2 months. We've been together for 3, but he says none of it has anything to do with me. It's all him and he isn't ready for a relationship. He says he isn't very good at handling relationships. After the break up he said we can still be friends. But after all that happened a while later we hung out and we didn't see each other for a long time and he was leading me on. I pushed him away a lot and then finally gave in. We did have sex, later on he told me he just misses the way we touch each other and cuddle. Does he still want to be with me and miss me? Or is he using me? I told him after the sex we can't do it anymore and it's not right. I strictly told him how I felt about it. Then a little while later us and all our friends get together and hangout. Yes we were drinking a little but he barely had any and WASNT drunk even though he said he was. He was flirting and everything. The next morning I got really upset. Once he left I texted him saying none of that can happen again I'm serious! After that the next weekend we were planning on hanging out. He texts me and brings up sex. We really flirted for a long time through text cause we were both in the mood and planning on doing it. I text him the next day telling him no but everytime he keeps saying sorry and it's ok I don't wanna anyways. When I know he really does. Now this is where I keep makin the mistake. I keep on textin him and today I texted him about doing it. First time I've ever brought it up! We were flirting in a way though. I regret it already. I haven't told him yet about how I feel by not wanting to do it. Should I just stop textin him for a while and see what he does???
Yes, you should stop texting him.
Yes, you should stop texting him.
Hi Kevin, I wanna say thanks for your advice it has helped alot. I have a question for you im on my third week of no contact but I am doing relationship rewind and I text my ex yesterday, she seemed very receptive and even sent me some pics, but today not a peep and she posted a pic of herself on Facebook. We have been broken up for a month and the last time before yesterday I had spoke with her she said she had gotten back with an ex she can't get over. Im really confused on what the hell she wants i have been doing me and feel great but I still have a lot of feelings for my ex, do you think she is just stringing me along or is she just confused? ????
It's too soon to tell. She is probably just confused. Keep following the program.
It's too soon to tell. She is probably just confused. Keep following the program.
Hi Kevin,
Well, where to begin? My relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years ended a couple of days ago. We had a great relationship through out our 3 years except the last year. You see, she got raped last year during a time that I was out of the country. This really messed her up, and really took a toll on our relationship. After the rape, I would often find her cheating on me with guys she met online every 2 months or so. We eventually got her to see a therapist, which has really helped her, but also is part of the reason why she dumped me. She met a guy online who she's been talking to now for about 3 weeks, she says they're perfect for each other and that she basically has fallen out of love with me, this relationship was basically approved by the councilor. This really came as a shock to me because i had been helping her every step of the way through her problems, even forgiving her every time she cheated on me. I've kept contact with her the past couple of days because i care about her and i want to make sure she's doing okay. What should i do? I've given her everything. Do you think the relationship with the guy online will last? She's very needy and if I do the no contact period do you think she'll be able to handle herself if im not there for her? I will do anything for this girl.
Hey Isaac,
Sorry it happened to you. When you were there for her, she cheated on you and eventually decided to leave you. I think it's time you try not being there for her. Try no contact and instead of trying to make her happy and caring for her, try to make yourself happy and start caring for yourself.
Hey Isaac,
Sorry it happened to you. When you were there for her, she cheated on you and eventually decided to leave you. I think it's time you try not being there for her. Try no contact and instead of trying to make her happy and caring for her, try to make yourself happy and start caring for yourself.
Hi Kevin,
my bf and I were together for 3 years. We had a great sweet time and we just celebrated our anniversary one month before things happened. And i could still remember how much he put his heart to give me a surprise for the anniversary. He showed me SO MUCH love when we were together, really, SO MUCH love. All of a sudden, he changed. I asked him why and he said he was seeing someone, a girl that is opposite of me. He told me it was love in first sight. Then i asked whether he has started the relationship with her and he answered no. I gave him one day to think about it then he told me that he wanted to choose her over me, bcoz he really liked her and he wanted to try a new relationship (i think he get bored on me). So, i cried and begged and pleaded him and yes, when i cried, he cried too. I know he felt sad when he told me this.
I just couldnt understand why he would give up our 3 years relationship over 3 weeks relationship when he barely even know this girl. Right after the day he told me his choice, he started the relationship with that girl. I felt like my heart was breaking and I didnt know why, but i seduced him when he get back home (we were living together so i still have less than 3 days before he moves out from my house) and we had sex. Why would he have sex with me if he really loves that girl? He could just simply reject me if he didnt want me. Its not like hes a sex maniac or something, i know him, he would only sleep with the girls that he really likes, i know, bcoz there were a few girls that tried to seduce him before but all failed. So this makes me even wonder what does he really feel about her? Does he really love her? Or he just wanted to try something new? If thats the case, im very confident to give him new experience if we r back together..
And i belive, deep down in his heart, he still has feelings for me, he just forgot how sweet and how much we were in love when we were together. And i know, we were meant to be together. All i need to do is to wake him up.
But how to do it? Do i need to apply the NC after he move out? If yes, how long does it need to be, is 30 days enough? Im afraid that the longer i wait, the more serious their relationship will be. And next month is my birthday, should i ask him out as the first text message of the reconnection? Im so afraid to lose him and i really really really want him back.
Please please please do help me bcoz im desperately helpless here. I would really appreciate ur help, thanks a lot
Yes, apply no contact for 30 days. It's a rebound relationship. It's a case of GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). Don't ask him out on your birthday. If he wishes you, just give him a simple thank you. Use the text messages in this article.
Yes, apply no contact for 30 days. It's a rebound relationship. It's a case of GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). Don't ask him out on your birthday. If he wishes you, just give him a simple thank you. Use the text messages in this article.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend applied no contact rule on me and when i had realized my part of the mistake i got back to her. But she keeps on treating me way too badly. She is not able to see her part of the mistake due to which we fought. When i talk to her rudely and do not give her much attention she talks but then i become too clingy no matter how much i try to. Now again i sent like 15 messages in a row and she has not responded yet. When i begin the no contact rule from this point she does not responds me. When i get angry and stop contacting her she does. Should i meet her and get my anger out and then apply the no contact rule or should i let it be this way ?
Thanks
Just apply the no contact rule. Just tell her you need some space and time and so does she so you'll not be contacting her for a while and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you either.
Just apply the no contact rule. Just tell her you need some space and time and so does she so you'll not be contacting her for a while and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you either.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 years and lived together for 6.5 years. About 8 months before she started to re-evaluate our relationship (I did not know this back then, up until she told me about this recently) and to think if I am the right guy for her or not (because of my habits such as spending lots of cash on clothes, not planning our future/kids, ignoring her requests from time to time and last but no the least - not having proposed to her, although it was kind of pre-agreed that I wold propose within certain time-frames). She said that her perception of me has changed and she her feelings towards me were no longer the same (including her desire to have sex with me). About a month ago she started communicating with another guy and now they are dating (the relationship has not yet become physical, as far as I know, but she really liked him for sure). When I found out about this guy we had nasty arguments but now we are communicating normally. Even hug and kiss (like good friends). We still live together but I asked her to move out when she gets a chance. The thing is, I still lover her and want to get her back. Would appreciate your feedback a lot. Thank you.
R
Hey, you gotta follow the plan. Since you live together, I'll recommend you try not to be rude to her when you are applying no contact. Be cordial but be distant. I think you can still get her back and her new relationship is probably a rebound.
Thanks for the advice, Kevin. I'm just not sure how to apply no contact when we live together. I mean we stumble upon each other all the time, we sit in the living room together in the evening. Would 'no contact' in the given circumstances imply less communication rather than no communication at all? Anyway, I will be gone on holidays for 2 weeks with friends so during that time I'll be able to apply the actual no contact.
Regarding her new relationship - they spend a lot of time together, she really seems to be into him.
Thanks for the advice, Kevin. I'm just not sure how to apply no contact when we live together. I mean we stumble upon each other all the time, we sit in the living room together in the evening. Would 'no contact' in the given circumstances imply less communication rather than no communication at all? Anyway, I will be gone on holidays for 2 weeks with friends so during that time I'll be able to apply the actual no contact.
Regarding her new relationship - they spend a lot of time together, she really seems to be into him.
Thanks for the advice, Kevin. I'm just not sure how to apply no contact when we live together. I mean we stumble upon each other all the time, we sit in the living room together in the evening. Would 'no contact' in the given circumstances imply less communication rather than no communication at all? Anyway, I will be gone on holidays for 2 weeks with friends so during that time I'll be able to apply the actual no contact.
Regarding her new relationship - they spend a lot of time together, she really seems to be into him.
Hey, you gotta follow the plan. Since you live together, I'll recommend you try not to be rude to her when you are applying no contact. Be cordial but be distant. I think you can still get her back and her new relationship is probably a rebound.
What if both of us agreed to avoid each other?
Then you should avoid each other for a while and then contact your ex after that. After around 30 days of avoiding.
Few questions (happening with me)
1. What if the she starts dating a friend (who she knews has a crush on him and makes her feel special all the time)?
2. Later when i tell her that we should start our friendship from the scratch, she is like ya we can do that but after 2-3 months because anything happening in her life would affect me.
I wanted to be on NC for a month or so. But i think i have screwd it up by saying we should be friends (after 2-3 months).
What do i do ?
Start no contact for 2-3 months and then contact her after that. There is always a chance she will start dating someone else. If you try to stop her, it's only going to make her want to do it more.
Thanks for that super quick reply :)
Ya i should do that. I did the initial mistakes (crying begging pleading) on 3 occasions . She told me we are still friends but i said a NO , we can be friends but in future for which she suggested 2-3 months.
Hopefully things cool off at the end of NC. Meanwhile i have joined a gym , shifted to a new place with a friend .
But i am not sure if NC will work or not . If the negative things comes in her system , it stays there for a long long time . And now she is focussing only on the negative aspects of the relationship using a microscope. She has new sets of friends , who are there to prove that "good that you broke up" and 1 of the guy in her group likes her , and proposed her after he came to know about our breakup.Obviously she said a 'No' , but i am scared about this 2-3 months Kevin . He is constanly in touch with her 24*7 and makes her feel good all the time. I could have handled it if it was just a breakup, but this twist in this sad story has confused me. I am in NC for last 10 days. An i am kind of desperate to see her (we work in the same organization). Help me Kevin .
Thanks in advance.
Well, I think she will eventually stop concentrating on the negative. If you want, you can reduce no contact for one month (or three weeks). And then establish friendship with her after that.
Well, I think she will eventually stop concentrating on the negative. If you want, you can reduce no contact for one month (or three weeks). And then establish friendship with her after that.
Well, I think she will eventually stop concentrating on the negative. If you want, you can reduce no contact for one month (or three weeks). And then establish friendship with her after that.
Well, I think she will eventually stop concentrating on the negative. If you want, you can reduce no contact for one month (or three weeks). And then establish friendship with her after that.
Well, I think she will eventually stop concentrating on the negative. If you want, you can reduce no contact for one month (or three weeks). And then establish friendship with her after that.
Well, I think she will eventually stop concentrating on the negative. If you want, you can reduce no contact for one month (or three weeks). And then establish friendship with her after that.
Thanks for that super quick reply :)
Ya i should do that. I did the initial mistakes (crying begging pleading) on 3 occasions . She told me we are still friends but i said a NO , we can be friends but in future for which she suggested 2-3 months.
Hopefully things cool off at the end of NC. Meanwhile i have joined a gym , shifted to a new place with a friend .
But i am not sure if NC will work or not . If the negative things comes in her system , it stays there for a long long time . And now she is focussing only on the negative aspects of the relationship using a microscope. She has new sets of friends , who are there to prove that "good that you broke up" and 1 of the guy in her group likes her , and proposed her after he came to know about our breakup.Obviously she said a 'No' , but i am scared about this 2-3 months Kevin . He is constanly in touch with her 24*7 and makes her feel good all the time. I could have handled it if it was just a breakup, but this twist in this sad story has confused me. I am in NC for last 10 days. An i am kind of desperate to see her (we work in the same organization). Help me Kevin .
Thanks in advance.
Thanks for that super quick reply :)
Ya i should do that. I did the initial mistakes (crying begging pleading) on 3 occasions . She told me we are still friends but i said a NO , we can be friends but in future for which she suggested 2-3 months.
Hopefully things cool off at the end of NC. Meanwhile i have joined a gym , shifted to a new place with a friend .
But i am not sure if NC will work or not . If the negative things comes in her system , it stays there for a long long time . And now she is focussing only on the negative aspects of the relationship using a microscope. She has new sets of friends , who are there to prove that "good that you broke up" and 1 of the guy in her group likes her , and proposed her after he came to know about our breakup.Obviously she said a 'No' , but i am scared about this 2-3 months Kevin . He is constanly in touch with her 24*7 and makes her feel good all the time. I could have handled it if it was just a breakup, but this twist in this sad story has confused me. I am in NC for last 10 days. An i am kind of desperate to see her (we work in the same organization). Help me Kevin .
Thanks in advance.
Thanks for that super quick reply :)
Ya i should do that. I did the initial mistakes (crying begging pleading) on 3 occasions . She told me we are still friends but i said a NO , we can be friends but in future for which she suggested 2-3 months.
Hopefully things cool off at the end of NC. Meanwhile i have joined a gym , shifted to a new place with a friend .
But i am not sure if NC will work or not . If the negative things comes in her system , it stays there for a long long time . And now she is focussing only on the negative aspects of the relationship using a microscope. She has new sets of friends , who are there to prove that "good that you broke up" and 1 of the guy in her group likes her , and proposed her after he came to know about our breakup.Obviously she said a 'No' , but i am scared about this 2-3 months Kevin . He is constanly in touch with her 24*7 and makes her feel good all the time. I could have handled it if it was just a breakup, but this twist in this sad story has confused me. I am in NC for last 10 days. An i am kind of desperate to see her (we work in the same organization). Help me Kevin .
Thanks in advance.
Thanks for that super quick reply :)
Ya i should do that. I did the initial mistakes (crying begging pleading) on 3 occasions . She told me we are still friends but i said a NO , we can be friends but in future for which she suggested 2-3 months.
Hopefully things cool off at the end of NC. Meanwhile i have joined a gym , shifted to a new place with a friend .
But i am not sure if NC will work or not . If the negative things comes in her system , it stays there for a long long time . And now she is focussing only on the negative aspects of the relationship using a microscope. She has new sets of friends , who are there to prove that "good that you broke up" and 1 of the guy in her group likes her , and proposed her after he came to know about our breakup.Obviously she said a 'No' , but i am scared about this 2-3 months Kevin . He is constanly in touch with her 24*7 and makes her feel good all the time. I could have handled it if it was just a breakup, but this twist in this sad story has confused me. I am in NC for last 10 days. An i am kind of desperate to see her (we work in the same organization). Help me Kevin .
Thanks in advance.
Start no contact for 2-3 months and then contact her after that. There is always a chance she will start dating someone else. If you try to stop her, it's only going to make her want to do it more.
Start no contact for 2-3 months and then contact her after that. There is always a chance she will start dating someone else. If you try to stop her, it's only going to make her want to do it more.
Start no contact for 2-3 months and then contact her after that. There is always a chance she will start dating someone else. If you try to stop her, it's only going to make her want to do it more.
Few questions (happening with me)
1. What if the she starts dating a friend (who she knews has a crush on him and makes her feel special all the time)?
2. Later when i tell her that we should start our friendship from the scratch, she is like ya we can do that but after 2-3 months because anything happening in her life would affect me.
I wanted to be on NC for a month or so. But i think i have screwd it up by saying we should be friends (after 2-3 months).
What do i do ?
Few questions (happening with me)
1. What if the she starts dating a friend (who she knews has a crush on him and makes her feel special all the time)?
2. Later when i tell her that we should start our friendship from the scratch, she is like ya we can do that but after 2-3 months because anything happening in her life would affect me.
I wanted to be on NC for a month or so. But i think i have screwd it up by saying we should be friends (after 2-3 months).
What do i do ?
Then you should avoid each other for a while and then contact your ex after that. After around 30 days of avoiding.
Hi Kevin,
With regards to my letter letting my ex know I’m now divorced. I really want to get this right so would be so grateful if you could help me and answer these questions.
Best to hand deliver or post it?
I assume I keep the letter short but how short?
What do I put in the letter?
Do I tell her what I’ve been up to since we split? Ask her what she’s been doing?
Do I say ‘thought you might like to know I’m divorced or Good News I’m divorced or just I’m divorced now?
Say something like I’ve done what I always said I would so I am genuine so you can trust me, or something like that?
I assume it’s ok to ask after her son Luca as he was and is so special to me?
Also, a bone of contention with her was always the family home as she knew I loved it and she felt that I might not let it go. It is now subject to offer and likely to be sold within the next 2-3weeks. Do I mention this in the letter or keep it for another time?
Do I say I’d like to catch up with you maybe over a coffee sometime/Give me a call sometime/It would be nice to catch up as friends/Do you want to catch up?
How do I end the letter?
Thanks again Kevin. Your help is much appreciated as always.
This makes a lot of sense. I remember a friend of mine told me about my ex bad mouthing me, saying things that he misunderstood in his head. (eg: Like how I expected so much from him and he felt obligated to meet those expectations; or when I gave him a gift, he would think I expected something from him. Which wasn't the case. It was x-mas for gawd's sake.) I personally was shocked, but I guess he was just really hurt. About a year ago, I initiated the no contact rule (#5) and we didn't speak for 6 months, until it was his birthday I wished him a happy birthday, then vanished again.
I think he has mixed feelings when I pop up like that. But I pull away, because I know I needed time for myself. I just wanted to wish him happy b-day.
Right now, Push and Pull is the level he's on. I can sense that he still has feelings for me because we still talk, we hang out, and he allows me into his house again. His parents and sister also know that I still exist (when we broke up he told me to never come back).
We are friends..but sometimes I wonder if that is really the case. As you probably guessed, I still have feelings for him. It's kind of difficult not to because we go the same school and have the same classes.
Hey Kevin,
I caught my BF cheating on me last year and I reacted pitifully (you'd be ashamed, I let him walk all over me and ruin my rep and peace of mind in the process). This happened roughly this time last year so even though we were going ok for about 6 months now, I think the month of March brought on paranoia (or is it instincts??) and I blasted at him. He asked me to fuck off. I have been practicing NC since the past 2 days but it already feels like too much. He's been trying to make up in the sense that he's pretending his hurtful words didn't mean anything and trying to bring normalcy back. What do I do? He's pretty egotistic, I'm scared 30 days may simply drive him away for good.
There is very little chance he will move on in those 30 days. I say continue with no contact.
There is very little chance he will move on in those 30 days. I say continue with no contact.
HI Kevin I really need your help .... idk what to do so this my issue i been with my boyfriend since we were 17 years old i never ever been with anyone but him for 4.5 years on the other hand he has we broke up 2 years into our relationship when i was 20 i stayed harted broken but eventually got over it had fun stop talking to him because he had someone else march of 2012 we started talking again we feel back in love and gave it another try we been togathet 2 years know so in December he got a new job who payed him nice we were happy planing a trip being happy i would do everything for this man cook him lunch wash his clothes i would wake up a 2 in the morning to help get ready for work around February he started to push me away he told he was hanging around friends so i thought not much about it but he would always want be around them so i got mad and had a few arguments with him but then February 17 he brook up with me he told he need space so i applyed the NC rule but failed when he called me 3 days later he asked if i could cook for him for work so like a dummy i did because i really loved him we talk and we kept the cycle like this tell Saturday when i saw him a restaurant with a girl i fallowed him to her house and confronted him we end up in a huge fight we kept contact after that though the next Saturday he called me to tell he was dating her but that it was nothing serious not to woory that we were on a break wnd there was a high chance we be back together sunday i found out the girl slept with a friend of ours so i told he got mad at me and told me he wanted nothing to do with me he got over that and said he dumped her he tried inviting me to a concert 2 days later but my family and friends told me it was not a good idea so i didnt go we talked the next day and asked him if he wanted me back in his life ever and he told idk so we didnt talk for 2 days after that he was leaving on a business trip but i found it wasnt true he took that girl out of town so i called really mad and he told to leave his new gf alone that he liked her that she nice to him not clingy needy or crazy that she was a way better person then me after that he called back and ask if i was feeling okay i told its his life im let do what he wants spring break came and i had a break down and called him to leave the girl not through away our 4.5 year relationship he told no that he wanted to be with her because it was something new and exciting and he just to do something different i cried and told why being like this do you even care about he told yes so after that we didnt talk tell 5 days later he told he was happy with his new gf alwayz rubbing it in my face to just leave him alone so i did I did the NC rule for 8 days he was texting during those days i didnt text back then he called 3 times i didnt call back then i broke on Saturday i called him and asked why he called me he told because he wanted to place a restraining order on me i was in shock since i did do anything to him found his new gf wants it not him so i could stay away for good he was rude to me when she was around but as sokn as she left he called back to tell that he was sorry and if was okay with everything i saw as a joke like really weres your balls at he would never let tell him what to dobwhen we were dating or who to even talk to he told me that we couldnt stay friends becsuse his new gf doesn't like me and she called that same day to tell things to she was mad that me and my ex still text and talk so my ex told to delete his #and he would do the same and never bother me again this just happen yeasterday its been a month since we broke up and its been a month since he dated her but she has rapoed around her finger so tight there moving so fast to hd always spending all his free time with her he sleeps over her house in the two weeks they been seeeinv eachother he told it feels like when we were frist dating it broke my heart i really love and care for my ex so much we been through alot togather we always had eachothers back he was my bestfriend my partner in crim and i miss him dearly everything about him but he happy he tells me with his new relationship idk what to do anymore i feel like im going crazy like its all a bad dream and i just want wake up from my heartache and into his arms
Leave him alone for at least two months. His new girlfriend is controlling and jealous and I think his relationship will soon end. It's most probably a rebound.
HI kevin
so you know after you told not to do the NC rule yah I broke it yeasterday not on purpose though my ex end up calling me at six in the morningon his mom cell phone crying that he made a mistake and the he left his 80 for his 20 and that he missed me and loved me after that he told he would call me back later i felt on top of the world thinking my ex wanted me back in his life he called me later that day but it went south he told he didnt deserve such a great girl like me that it wasnt fair to me if we got back togather because he already slept with his new gf he told he wanted me to live life and go explorer whats out there but im not like that ill date but not sleep around he told he couldn't leave his new gf because she hasnt done anything worng pluse he likes how she dosent make him his whole world like i did i told that i could change but he said he didnt belive that because ive always been like that with him i got mad and told that i had a one nighter just because i was angery and he told its fine do what i have to do i also told i could live with out him he told me good show me honestly this break up has emotionally drained me to the point that ive hit rock bottom im so confused you tell that im an 80 and your new gf a 20 but he treats her like the 80 and me like the 20 im sick of all the BS I love him and care for him but is this a total lost cause IDK know what to do anymore
Hey Jessica,
Start no contact again and this time when he contacts you, don't answer till the end of no contact. You have to play it cool. If instead of trying to convince him to get back together and that you could change, you would've just played it cool, you would've increased your chances of getting back together. So the next time he calls to confess his love, don't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that you still want him.
Thank you kevin for taking the time to give me some great advice I been kicking my self for missing up that day he cried on the phone i feel like i blow my last chance for good because he told he would never talk to me again because it hurt him to much what he did to me i belive that were all human in this world that were going to do some things were not proud we all make mistakes were not perfect.
Thank you kevin for taking the time to give me some great advice I been kicking my self for missing up that day he cried on the phone i feel like i blow my last chance for good because he told he would never talk to me again because it hurt him to much what he did to me i belive that were all human in this world that were going to do some things were not proud we all make mistakes were not perfect.
Thank you kevin for taking the time to give me some great advice I been kicking my self for missing up that day he cried on the phone i feel like i blow my last chance for good because he told he would never talk to me again because it hurt him to much what he did to me i belive that were all human in this world that were going to do some things were not proud we all make mistakes were not perfect.
Thank you kevin for taking the time to give me some great advice I been kicking my self for missing up that day he cried on the phone i feel like i blow my last chance for good because he told he would never talk to me again because it hurt him to much what he did to me i belive that were all human in this world that were going to do some things were not proud we all make mistakes were not perfect.
Thank you kevin for taking the time to give me some great advice I been kicking my self for missing up that day he cried on the phone i feel like i blow my last chance for good because he told he would never talk to me again because it hurt him to much what he did to me i belive that were all human in this world that were going to do some things were not proud we all make mistakes were not perfect.
Hey Jessica,
Start no contact again and this time when he contacts you, don't answer till the end of no contact. You have to play it cool. If instead of trying to convince him to get back together and that you could change, you would've just played it cool, you would've increased your chances of getting back together. So the next time he calls to confess his love, don't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that you still want him.
Hey Jessica,
Start no contact again and this time when he contacts you, don't answer till the end of no contact. You have to play it cool. If instead of trying to convince him to get back together and that you could change, you would've just played it cool, you would've increased your chances of getting back together. So the next time he calls to confess his love, don't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that you still want him.
Hey Jessica,
Start no contact again and this time when he contacts you, don't answer till the end of no contact. You have to play it cool. If instead of trying to convince him to get back together and that you could change, you would've just played it cool, you would've increased your chances of getting back together. So the next time he calls to confess his love, don't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that you still want him.
HI kevin
so you know after you told not to do the NC rule yah I broke it yeasterday not on purpose though my ex end up calling me at six in the morningon his mom cell phone crying that he made a mistake and the he left his 80 for his 20 and that he missed me and loved me after that he told he would call me back later i felt on top of the world thinking my ex wanted me back in his life he called me later that day but it went south he told he didnt deserve such a great girl like me that it wasnt fair to me if we got back togather because he already slept with his new gf he told he wanted me to live life and go explorer whats out there but im not like that ill date but not sleep around he told he couldn't leave his new gf because she hasnt done anything worng pluse he likes how she dosent make him his whole world like i did i told that i could change but he said he didnt belive that because ive always been like that with him i got mad and told that i had a one nighter just because i was angery and he told its fine do what i have to do i also told i could live with out him he told me good show me honestly this break up has emotionally drained me to the point that ive hit rock bottom im so confused you tell that im an 80 and your new gf a 20 but he treats her like the 80 and me like the 20 im sick of all the BS I love him and care for him but is this a total lost cause IDK know what to do anymore
HI kevin
so you know after you told not to do the NC rule yah I broke it yeasterday not on purpose though my ex end up calling me at six in the morningon his mom cell phone crying that he made a mistake and the he left his 80 for his 20 and that he missed me and loved me after that he told he would call me back later i felt on top of the world thinking my ex wanted me back in his life he called me later that day but it went south he told he didnt deserve such a great girl like me that it wasnt fair to me if we got back togather because he already slept with his new gf he told he wanted me to live life and go explorer whats out there but im not like that ill date but not sleep around he told he couldn't leave his new gf because she hasnt done anything worng pluse he likes how she dosent make him his whole world like i did i told that i could change but he said he didnt belive that because ive always been like that with him i got mad and told that i had a one nighter just because i was angery and he told its fine do what i have to do i also told i could live with out him he told me good show me honestly this break up has emotionally drained me to the point that ive hit rock bottom im so confused you tell that im an 80 and your new gf a 20 but he treats her like the 80 and me like the 20 im sick of all the BS I love him and care for him but is this a total lost cause IDK know what to do anymore
Leave him alone for at least two months. His new girlfriend is controlling and jealous and I think his relationship will soon end. It's most probably a rebound.
Hey.
I went through the above text and presentation.
I wanted to mention , we date in high school for 13 months and then during the end of high school things went bad. She got close to this guy I hated because he got close to her. and then during a last few months , she lied once and went with him to starbucks after school. And then I heard from people that during our farewell party , she hooked up with him. She never agreed to it. Then she travelled to usa for a month visit and we spoke on watsapp but i used to get mad at her alot and kept yelling.
When she got back we broke up.
We went to our universities , apparently i live 3 hours away from her univeristy, shes in germany and im in holland.
We kept talking and then I went to see her on her 18th bday. then after a month just to see her casually. She also mention that guy from high school was coming to see her in december and fought about why didnt she tell me about that. And then it got ugly , i said things out of anger. In december i went to see her as a surprise and she tells me shes dating that guy. We stopped talking , in feb which is last month , I messaged her on fb and she gave a negative reply. And she got to know that I spread a lie , that we hooked up. She rubbed that on my face and asked me to not text.
She didnt wish me on my bday , in march.
Advise. will relationship rewind work here or do I wait for sometime and then use it ?
I have fight lessons in germany 1 hour away from her. I was planning to surprise her but its far away in time. August last week can I do this.
It will work, but I recommend you wait some time. She is angry at you so it'll be wise to let her anger subside before contacting her. I'll suggest you start contacting her one month before you go to her country.
It will work, but I recommend you wait some time. She is angry at you so it'll be wise to let her anger subside before contacting her. I'll suggest you start contacting her one month before you go to her country.
Hi
My bf of 2 years left me 5 days ago. We've hardly argued but when we did it was mainly because of his mates not liking me. I have always made an effort with them but they found me too positive so they chose not to accept me in their circle. Last straw was that i saw my ex's best mate wrote a very nasty text talking about me. My ex did say i'm not like that but it still hurt me that his mates are being like that.
Anyway i had a tough time with family issues whilst away on holiday for the weekend and my ex text me that he'll be there for me and promised me all this wonderful things for our future. but after the crisis i had with my family i also mentioned that i had enough of people belittling me incl his mate. To my shock he said he couldnt be with a girl who doesnt get on with his mates and started saying we are very different with our view esp on this topic. he packed his stuff that eve and by morning he was gone.. 2 days later he came to collect rest of his stuff..
I want to apply the no contact but it's hard as we're due to go on a group holiday in 2 weeks so he has contacted me since wanting to know plans for the holiday.
i still want to go purely because it was a very expensive holiday.. i communicated back with him that out of respect i think it's fair if he changes his flight and in return i can sort out moving him into a different hotel.. at first he was ok and now he's asking if it's necessary which i said yes it for the best.. he replied back if that's the way it has to be he is fine with that.. deep down i am hurting that he sounds so cool about it all.. and yet i just want him to say sorry and work things out.. my friends reckon he will regret what he has done, i really do love him but i refuse to beg him to come back or even communicate with him.. i want him to miss me.. do you think there's any chance between us?
Hey Jodie,
You do have a chance, but you should understand that even if he does come back, you will always have this issue regarding his friends. And trust me, it's an important issue. It will always be in the back of his mind and he will never be 100% committed to you unless his friends approve of you or he changes his friends. Can you live with him for the rest of your life knowing his friends are always talking behind your back? Will he be willing to leave all his friends just so he can have a healthy and happy relationship with you?
Hey Jodie,
You do have a chance, but you should understand that even if he does come back, you will always have this issue regarding his friends. And trust me, it's an important issue. It will always be in the back of his mind and he will never be 100% committed to you unless his friends approve of you or he changes his friends. Can you live with him for the rest of your life knowing his friends are always talking behind your back? Will he be willing to leave all his friends just so he can have a healthy and happy relationship with you?
I recently went through a breakup with my girlfriend, which was a week ago. Things between us ended pretty nasty - she refuses to accept a friendship between us because we "have a history together." Not to mention, she had told me this was her first real relationship with a guy - even though she's had previous relationships before and she's never been through arguing and what not. I'm pretty hurt because of this so, I constantly begged her to take me back, but won't give me the time of day. She pretty much told me to move on and to grow up a bit. Our relationship has been going on for a year and three months. Her reasons for leaving me were because she is "done" with me. At this point, I don't know where my chances stand with her. Can I please have some advice. Thanks.
You don't have anything to lose. Follow the 5 step plan. If it works, great. If not, move on.
You don't have anything to lose. Follow the 5 step plan. If it works, great. If not, move on.
Kevin my ex and I have a child together, but we broke up as you can see. I actually broke up with her thinking she wasn't going anywhere, and she has tried to get back with me one time, but thinking what I thought, I didn't take her back. What a big mistake that was! It's been a year and a couple of months, and in all this time I still want her back, but in that time she has gotten in a relationship. I've tried everything to get her back, I even proposed last year on v-day. She said yes with tears and excitement, but the next day she came and said she need to think about it. We still say we love each other, but I'll say it first then she'll follow up behind me, and we have kissed a couple times, but we still not together and also, she's still with dude and she still hasn't taken me back.In all this time we have been broken up, I still want her back and want to be with her until my dying breath. Do you think there's still a chance for her and I and would these steps above still work??!!
Yes, there is a pretty good chance. And yes, these steps still might work.
Yes, there is a pretty good chance. And yes, these steps still might work.
Hi Kevin,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he has facing some issues with his job, so he decided that he "needed to focus on his career", and doesn't want a relationship right now. It's been 3 months and I have been in no contact for about a 35 days now. On day 30, I looked at his social media sites, and I noticed that he looked so happy! He added a ton of hot women on Instagram and is openly flirting with them. I am so heartbroken that he moved on so fast, and forgot about me. The relationship was very good until he faced problems in his career, and got depressed for a while. But now, he looks all happy and flirts with many new women. He was going out and having fun the whole time and never made any effort to contact me (except sending me a "happy bday" message).
I am devastated. I don't know what to do. I am totally in love with this man, but it looks like he doesn't care at all. No contact didn't help so far. What should I do? please advice!!
Hey Mary,
Contact him using one of the methods in this article. Just because his social media profile shows he is happy doesn't necessarily mean he is happy.
Hey Mary,
Contact him using one of the methods in this article. Just because his social media profile shows he is happy doesn't necessarily mean he is happy.
I have been in a relationship for 6 years and my boyfriend broke up with me. We didn't have big issues, the thing that got in the way was that I started having panic attacks a year ago and I can't do a lot of things on my own. I started having problems going out on my own and that changed my lifestyle a lot. Well, getting to the point...a month ago he asked me for some time, he said he needed space and he felt "tired", mostly because of my situation. Unfortunately I was not able to respect that and I kept on asking him what would happen with us. I know I shouldnt have done it but I felt really bad and I pushed him a lot .He finally said he couldn't handle the situation and that he didn't know what would happen in the future. He cried for a long time and said he loved me but he just needed to be alone. We kind of separated but I still feel he left the door open. I was living with him three or four days a week at his house so I still have his keys and half of the things I own at his place. He is not worried for me to pick up the stuff even though I offered the keys. I tried not to contact him (and I successfully did for 12 days) , at the same time started going to a psychiatrist so I could get rid of my panic attacks and also started training at the gym every day so as to be distracted. I still have a hard time not thinking that I want him back. I called him today, not to cry and complain, and beg anything. I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour (I have never been like this with him and I dont want to start now). I really know what we had is a strong bond and I believe that he loves me. He told me so today on the phone. I asked him many times if this is a permanent separation and he told me he didnt know. It is hard...I dont want to cut him out of my life because I think I still have something to fight for. I want to get better because I want to come back to my old self and also, to be honest, because I know this is the reason that made us break up. What do you think?
Maggie,
I think you have a pretty good chance of getting back together. I also think you are a strong woman and I am sure you will be able to overcome your panic attacks. You don't have to cut him off from your life. Just let him know that you won't be contacting him for some time since you need some time and space to work on yourself.
Maggie,
I think you have a pretty good chance of getting back together. I also think you are a strong woman and I am sure you will be able to overcome your panic attacks. You don't have to cut him off from your life. Just let him know that you won't be contacting him for some time since you need some time and space to work on yourself.
Hi Kevin, my ex and I have been together for 4 years, we broke up 4 months ago because of we fight a lot and some we have some other issues but our communication didn't stop, we still hang out and have sex but he became so moody and all, one day he would text the next day he will not, he would even get mad and even bring back our past issues. He was asking for space that I don't want to give but I've decided to give him the space he wanted just last week. it's just the 7th day of our no contact rule today. What should I do? Do you think he still loves me?
Continue with the no contact rule. I think he still has feelings for you and is still upset.
Continue with the no contact rule. I think he still has feelings for you and is still upset.
I told him I am not insecure anymore and acted happy and positive, well because I was, he said he had done something and hardly remembers all our good memories, doesn’t think we are worth it and it is unlikely we will get back together, I have done earlier what you did and I would text him smart texts reminding him of the good times. He texted my friend saying that he doesn’t mean to be harsh, but it’s unlikely we will happen again, he doesn’t want us, and that he doesn’t want to give me hope only to hurt me, he cares about me and thinks I’m a good person, but is unsure about us, doesn’t like me (apparently now even though he did or thought he did a week ago) and that if I know whats good for me I’ll move on because he is just trouble. I think he still plans to consider us in April but I am seriously in pain and do not know what to do, he told me to leave him alone again, its hardly been a month after our two year relationship. It was wonderful until our troubles happened, we were close, best friends and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Friends have told me to stop talking about “us” every time I see him because its driving him away (even though I only say positives like I’ve changed and a second chance would be good. SOS Kevin.
Well, you should stop talking about getting back together. Just have fun with him as a friend. See, whenever you talk about getting back together, he will put his defences up and he'll think everything you are saying or doing is to get him back. On the other hand, if you just spend fun time with him, have fun conversation with him, he will see the changes himself and the thoughts of getting back together will start popping up in his head. You have to be subtle.
Well, you should stop talking about getting back together. Just have fun with him as a friend. See, whenever you talk about getting back together, he will put his defences up and he'll think everything you are saying or doing is to get him back. On the other hand, if you just spend fun time with him, have fun conversation with him, he will see the changes himself and the thoughts of getting back together will start popping up in his head. You have to be subtle.
Hey Kevin,
My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me about 1 month ago, because I've been struggling with depression a little bit and he was sick of me taking out all of my emotions on him, but he never told me it bothered him so i never realized I needed to change what I was doing. At first nothing really changed and he still came down to my room (we live in the same dorm at college) and would still text me a lot and it felt like nothing had really changed so I wasn't too terribly upset because I didn't really realize what happened. Spring break came around and I didn't see him for a week but we still texted a decent amount but he started to tell me he was losing some of his feelings for me and he may eventually start to like someone else, and I started to get a lot more upset about the break up, so naturally, I made almost every mistake multiple times. We are still friends and he still wants to be friends and everything, he just says he is emotionally drained and doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone and just focus on himself for a little while. This still makes me super upset though because I'm afraid he will eventually start liking someone else or move on and forget about me. I used to never think in a million years he would break up with me because he always told me how much he loved me and he was just so attached to me.
We have the exact same friend group and all eat dinner together the same time every night. My roommate is also dating his roommate too so it gets tough for me to see them together sometimes. I really do love him a lot and really enjoy being with him and am so afraid to lose him! I know I need to focus on myself so I can get myself healthy because he even told me I'll never be able to be in a relationship with someone if I don't love myself first and I know that's true, but I really do love him and want to be with him so badly! I'm just afraid that all this work I put in won't be enough to get him back. I know he still cares for me because he will find little reasons to go out of his way to see me, so it sends me mixed signals so I bring up talking to him about the relationship and he just gets frustrated when I bring it up because he says he's too emotionally drained to be in a relationship. I want to respect him by giving him a lot of space but it doesn't help when he finds weird ways to come see me. The whole no contact thing is completely out of the question because I go to such a small school and we have the exact same friend group I can't completely ignore him, but I guess I could try backing off and like ignoring him a little.
Also, he has this one friend that's a girl that I never really used to be very thrilled about when he talked to her and ever since we broke up he's been talking to her a little more often and started going to classes with her more. He swears that nothing is up and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone at all, and I believe him because he is such a sweet guy and isn't the type that would lie about something like that, but I still get really jealous when he's with her and that doesn't help because I don't want her to swoop in and steal him from me. I think maybe by him talking to her more it's his way of trying to feel free and like he's actually single because he's aloud to talk to anyone he wants without worrying about me getting upset with him (at least that's what I keep telling myself to make myself feel better).
Yeah, apply limited contact. Back off and only talk to him if you really have to. If possible, let him know you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if he gives it to you. As for the other girl, even if he does start dating someone else, there is nothing you can do about it. You have to accept it as a possibility and you must be prepared for it. I hope it doesn't come to that, but you have to understand that it's a very real possibility.
A few days ago he told me he doesn't like her anymore, at the same time though he has been saying he likes me, is unsure, and now that he doesn't like me.
A few days ago he told me he doesn't like her anymore, at the same time though he has been saying he likes me, is unsure, and now that he doesn't like me.
A few days ago he told me he doesn't like her anymore, at the same time though he has been saying he likes me, is unsure, and now that he doesn't like me.
Yeah, apply limited contact. Back off and only talk to him if you really have to. If possible, let him know you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if he gives it to you. As for the other girl, even if he does start dating someone else, there is nothing you can do about it. You have to accept it as a possibility and you must be prepared for it. I hope it doesn't come to that, but you have to understand that it's a very real possibility.
Hi,
So I've never trusted these things before but your article actually seems pretty reliable so here I am. So backstory is that my ex and i broke up 6 months ago because of long distance. Initially he was texting and calling me post-breakup but I told him I didn't want to talk at all since I didn't know if I was going to move. When he did find out I was moving to where he was, he again started texting me all the time saying that we should hangout when I do move up there. However, once I did move he kinda stopped texting me. Two months later I find out he is dating one of his best friends in college who used to like him when we were together who he had said he wasn't interested in. Unfortunately I may have screwed up on your rules because after finding out he was dating someone else I told him that I couldn't talk to him because I still had feelings and wanted to do the whole "out of sight, out of mind" approach. So now I'm at a loss. Is this a lost cause or can I possibly win him back?
It's not a lost cause. You established the premises for no contact. So follow through with it.
It's not a lost cause. You established the premises for no contact. So follow through with it.
Hey kevin,
I ended a 13months relationship with my ex about a month and a half ago. She was my first true love although I was not her first. Everything was great up until end of december. we are still college students (juniors). Ever since the winter break started she has been distancing herself more and more from me. She even called a break 5days after the break. I really don't know where it went wrong because things were great until we separated. we did get back together after the break but things were never the same, she didnt even want to hold my hands the first date after the break. we used to go on a lot of trips together. after breaking it off, we talked after 5days. she initiated the talk so I thought she wanted to get back together but that was not the case. After a week and a half, I wrote her a letter saying sorry and to rebuild the relationship with more effort on both of our parts and she got back to me after 5days saying it is best for us to break up. It has been a month and a half since then. I still miss her like crazy. Is there anything I can do to possibly win her back again?...
Thank you so much kevin in advance
If you've been no contact during this one and a half month, then contact her using one of the methods mentioned in the article.
If you've been no contact during this one and a half month, then contact her using one of the methods mentioned in the article.
Hi kevin,
So my ex had broken up with me two days ago, its real hard on me how it went down because we knew we had problems and or communication to try and fix it wasnt working because wed always just end up upset over it and she broke up with me just before we were starting to do thinhs to fix it. We both had the fear of being cheated on because our exs had both done it and that became a problem when she went drinking with her friends and they said she cheated on me and o beieved my ex that she didnt sje swore on alot of thinhs and promised she didnt, even stopped talking to those people as well. Naturally there were a few truat issues and arguments over it but I ended up believing her and trusting her again even though she didnt quite believe I did. That was a while ago in our relationship so I believe we got passed it, we didnt go out drinking or anything much together or with friends anymore so maybe subconsciously it was still a problem for us. I would still take her out for tea and movies and dates together buying her flowers etc, we just never drank with friends. But a few weeks before we broke up she was gojng out with one of her friends (a girl) for tea on the weekends and I was all fine with it no problems. But when she would come home shed be in a different mood like not wanting to be here, I believe she wasnt seeing someone else since she would text me whilst there and sent pictures of what she was eating for conversation. She must of been having conversations with her friend about me because she removed my ex and me from facebook but made a status that she had to remove my ex because of me which hit me in the gut pretty hard, I only found this out after she had broken up with me.
When we did break up it was a very long conversation full of crying and hurting, I didnt want it too happen and was trying to make it not happen. We hadnt been having sex for a few weeks because she said she lost her sex drive and I believe it was because of the pill because she wasnt doing the correct cycle just having the pill tablets not the others (to avoid her period) I was worried she was cheating on me or something but I eventually thought other wise and I told her it would never be a problem because I love her and the relationship wasnt about sex. The thing that unnerved me the most with it the same thing happened to her and her ex 6 months before they broke up due to him cheating but she didnt want to have sex because of what he was like, she also said she would never ever cheat but had a crush on a guy when she was with her ex and even though thats her past and she told me that its still a thing that sat in my mind while all this was happening. She said that she couldnt believe that I wouldnt cheat on her because her ex did. She said that we had argued too much even when trying to fix things. She said that we needed our friends which is true and I agreed completely. She said she thinks we had grown distant which is somewhat true only because we had both finished college together and spent every day and night together for pretty much a year since we were only working part time jobs we didnt really spend time apart and we both know it was unhealthy but its what we wanted as well. The thing that made us more distant was that we both started full time jobs at the same time so it was hard going from seeing each other everyday and night to seeing each other at night and a few times on tge weekend due to her seeing her friend and me working shift work at my new job.
Whilst she was getting packing all her things we told each other that we love each other and we care about each other I told her that I was sorry for everything and that I wanted to make it better amd I wished it didnt have to be like this, I told her how beautiful she was how she was strong and smart and we kissed a few times we were hugging and kissed then I had to go to work. When I got back most thins were gone, she took our anniversary cards with her and one of my jumpers that she would wear all the time she left her picture of the two of us and a tv show we watched together.
Regrettably that night when I was at work I showered her with messages on how I love her etc she said she loved me too and shes sorry and that maybe theres a chance but we need space and time.
She blocked me from facebook and changed her relationship status and her about which was about me she also blocked a few of my family members as well. Before she blocked me she uploaded a picture of her and her friend having drinks at a pub which hurt alot as well.
After all this has happened I dont know if she still wants me or not or how the no contact will go or how she feels about me etc.
Im following the five step plan and havent contacted her since that one night I do miss her so much and I do love her ive thought about alot of things and im confident that getting back together is a good thing and thinhs can be resolved and we can go back to how we were in love.
So im asking you kevin whats your professional opinion on this is there a chance for us or is she cutting ties by blocking me etc and how do you think she is feeling with all of this ?
This page has been every helpful and elightening keep up the work !
I think you have a good chance. Follow the plan. Her blocking you on fb is just a natural reaction after breakup and is extremely common. She is definitely missing you and will start missing you more if you follow the plan. However, you both do need to work on your trust issues. It'll be a good idea to work on it while you are doing no contact.
Thanks for the reply, ive been doing things for myself, i got a new haircut and done some excising and walking to clear my mind and it has help alot.
she sent me a message this morning asking to come over and give a few of my things back and i didnt reply and then she said she could take them to my friends house if i didnt want to speak. so i said that just to bring them to my house and she still has things here as well.
hopefully the decision isnt bad or anything i also needed the things she has ( documents, bills etc )
tell me what you think, ill keep you posted.
Yeah, it's not a problem. Just keep the conversation short when you meet her.
Yeah, it's not a problem. Just keep the conversation short when you meet her.
Yeah, it's not a problem. Just keep the conversation short when you meet her.
Yeah, it's not a problem. Just keep the conversation short when you meet her.
Thanks for the reply, ive been doing things for myself, i got a new haircut and done some excising and walking to clear my mind and it has help alot.
she sent me a message this morning asking to come over and give a few of my things back and i didnt reply and then she said she could take them to my friends house if i didnt want to speak. so i said that just to bring them to my house and she still has things here as well.
hopefully the decision isnt bad or anything i also needed the things she has ( documents, bills etc )
tell me what you think, ill keep you posted.
Thanks for the reply, ive been doing things for myself, i got a new haircut and done some excising and walking to clear my mind and it has help alot.
she sent me a message this morning asking to come over and give a few of my things back and i didnt reply and then she said she could take them to my friends house if i didnt want to speak. so i said that just to bring them to my house and she still has things here as well.
hopefully the decision isnt bad or anything i also needed the things she has ( documents, bills etc )
tell me what you think, ill keep you posted.
I think you have a good chance. Follow the plan. Her blocking you on fb is just a natural reaction after breakup and is extremely common. She is definitely missing you and will start missing you more if you follow the plan. However, you both do need to work on your trust issues. It'll be a good idea to work on it while you are doing no contact.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. We developed a drug habit together which ruined our relationship. We've both quit since the break up and have remained clean. A couple weeks after the break up we started talking and hanging out. She tells me she loves me and misses me and then ignores me a couple days later. Her family knows about our problem which she said is making it very difficult. I can't take the flip flop of emotions anymore so I am going to start the no contact rule. My question is how do I maintain the no contact rule because I know she Is going to be texting me a lot saying things from I love you why are you ignoring me to the opposite of mean things. Because we've been in contact almost everyday (whether it's loving or indifferent on her end) what is the best way to initiate my no contact rule and stick to it?
Let her know you need some space and time and you think she can use it as well. Assure her it doesn't mean that you are moving on, you just need some time to think things through and you will contact her after a month or two.
Let her know you need some space and time and you think she can use it as well. Assure her it doesn't mean that you are moving on, you just need some time to think things through and you will contact her after a month or two.
I have just split with my ex who lives in another country from me. She likes to push my buttons, she had a friend who I never got along with who came to visit with her, she stopped hanging out with her when she tried ending our relationship and is now back in the frame again. We have a child together and keeps saying I will have contact with my son no matter what. I speak on Skype with my son often and said we only have our son in common, and Skype was just for him. She spoke with me on Skype one day and seemed happier speaking to me, but the next night she called me drunk, telling me she had an abortion from somebody elses child recently. Obviously, I am unsure why I needed to know this information! I calmly told asked her "why are you telling me this? I asked what time I could speak to my son tomorrow, that is your business." She then hung up. I am unsure if this is her trying to "push my buttons" or if she actually has slept with someone else and it comes under the competing part of this article. She was drunk so I guess it could fall under 3 of these things mentioned lol
She say she prefers me moving to the country where my son lives. I dont know what I am walking into. I have no friends there, all my friends were her friends when I lived there with her. Hopefully I find a hot chick at college or something when I start socialising, then it is her turn. lol Great article btw.
I think my ex girlfriend might be doing this with me. I had control of the relationship and then it suddenly changed. She was needy, and it is true, being needy and desperate sounding does become repulsive.
lol This does work, because now she has me thinking I should have done more with her..
We have a son too, the was the main reason for being with her, she fell pregnant early in the relationship and i left it to her to decide if she wanted to keep the baby or not, I felt bad I got her pregnant and felt it was my bed and should have to lie in it.
I felt trapped too actually... anyway, I think she is trying to do this, she says i can use Skype only to speak to my son, but sometimes she speaks to me on skype alone, she says other things too, a few things mentioned in the "sneaky ways to tell if your ex still loves you" section in here.
She keeps saying she is "putting her foot down" with me. Not sure what there is to put her foot down on, if we are not together though? She has me confused. Unsure how I am supposed to do 30 days of no contact with her when I have a son I have to see on Skype and soon I have to move back to the country where she lives and visit him. :/
lol The part where it says "If you ran out of Heroin, would you move to another country?" is kind of weird...I love my baby son, he makes me feel good, so yeah...i guess i would. lol Not so easy with kids involved eh? Reading these help alot though, thanks for posting.
Hey Rob,
I am glad the article helped. Well, the heroin analogy was meant for your ex, not your children. If you can do anything to stay with your child and give them a better future, then you should do it. Anyways, I guess you are already applying no contact. If you only speak to your ex about your son and don't have any personal conversation with her, then it's considered no contact.
Hey Rob,
I am glad the article helped. Well, the heroin analogy was meant for your ex, not your children. If you can do anything to stay with your child and give them a better future, then you should do it. Anyways, I guess you are already applying no contact. If you only speak to your ex about your son and don't have any personal conversation with her, then it's considered no contact.
I broke up with my ex around a month and a half ago but we have seen eachother since then on and off in passing or to discuss the realtionship. My male friend spoke to my ex last night about our relationship but my ex said although he still cared greatly for me and apparently was very complimentary about me he just didn’t think we should get back together or felt he wanted to give things another go. Should I just give up or is this what should be expected? I feel so confused. I don’t want to give up but I also don’t want to keep chasing something that’s lost. I don’t want to be hurt again
Hey Kev,
im glad i found this website it helps me alot! my long distance boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago, we've been dating since 2012 but we had a few breaks, the main problem was the distance, i wanted him to visit me often but he just was too busy for his work, now hes sick and isnt working and basically im the one who's busy with work, hes my First true love and it was so hard for me to get over him, a few weeks ago i had contacted him and told him i missed him n he told me he was sick n going through some hard times right now, he got a lot of stress and stuff so i told him what he needed was to get away from his country and go somewhere else maybe he could come in my country i didnt mind and he said okay he will come in two weeks but the thing is, i'm so in love with him but i dont know if he still loves me too, we didnt see each other for over 8 months and our conversations now are very friendly nothing more but he knows i still love him (i failed n told him when i contacted him) all he said was he loves me too but he need to get in a good situation with his life, so hes coming in two weeks (as a friend) but i dont know how to act when he will be here, i would love to make him just see a brand new me and fall for me again like the first days i'm a little confused any advice?? THANK YOU
Just be yourself and have good time. Don't act needy and don't sleep with him until he commits.
Just be yourself and have good time. Don't act needy and don't sleep with him until he commits.
Hey,
I was seeing a guy for couple of weeks and then it messed up. We've tried to sort things out since for the past year. But every time it's him being ok for couple of weeks and then distancing himself again. He then blames me for not making enough effort and that being the reason for things not progressing between the 2 of us. He told me about his past and how he got divorced 2 months into the marriage and why it didn't work out. With couple of incidents that have happened in the past it's clear he cares. But I got to the point where I got fed up of making the effort all the time and him just responding to my calls or messages when he felt like it. I ended up saying we both want different things so best to go our separate ways and told him I was deleting him off my Facebook as we couldn't be friends anymore and if we were cutting contact to do it from all ends. He responded saying you don't owe me any explanation so don't worry about it but what me and him had was very casual and minimum so best to leave each other with best wishes like I had. We didn't sleep together and only saw each other once in those 10 months due to both of us being busy and circumstances at the time. I now still really like him and haven't contacted him since that message. But am I wasting my time or is it worth doing the 30 day contact rule and then messaging him on fb saying something along he lines of something we did on the first day we met reminded me of him and leaving it as that and see what he says or is that me coming across desperate as I've said we won't contact each other again
If you really like him and you think you have a potential future with him, it's worth trying. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter in your life and move on.
But I've tried couple of times and my friends keep telling me he's a manipulative liar and messing with your head on purpose. That he doesn't want to come across as the bad guy so he's wanting you to not talk to him but on your own terms. Another friend said he's got issues and still carrying the hurt from his divorce and messing with your head. I've told him we'll go our separate ways but I just feel like there might still be a chance of a future if we actually got to know each other properly as we haven't in the past due to the circumstances. Just don't want to come across needy or desperate. Is it worth doing the 30 day no contact rule and then messaging him on fb even though I've deleted him off there, already deleted his number out of anger. Confused as to whether or not listen to my friends advice or not
But I've tried couple of times and my friends keep telling me he's a manipulative liar and messing with your head on purpose. That he doesn't want to come across as the bad guy so he's wanting you to not talk to him but on your own terms. Another friend said he's got issues and still carrying the hurt from his divorce and messing with your head. I've told him we'll go our separate ways but I just feel like there might still be a chance of a future if we actually got to know each other properly as we haven't in the past due to the circumstances. Just don't want to come across needy or desperate. Is it worth doing the 30 day no contact rule and then messaging him on fb even though I've deleted him off there, already deleted his number out of anger. Confused as to whether or not listen to my friends advice or not
But I've tried couple of times and my friends keep telling me he's a manipulative liar and messing with your head on purpose. That he doesn't want to come across as the bad guy so he's wanting you to not talk to him but on your own terms. Another friend said he's got issues and still carrying the hurt from his divorce and messing with your head. I've told him we'll go our separate ways but I just feel like there might still be a chance of a future if we actually got to know each other properly as we haven't in the past due to the circumstances. Just don't want to come across needy or desperate. Is it worth doing the 30 day no contact rule and then messaging him on fb even though I've deleted him off there, already deleted his number out of anger. Confused as to whether or not listen to my friends advice or not
If you really like him and you think you have a potential future with him, it's worth trying. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter in your life and move on.
Am so grateful because the no contact rules is really helping. Have not call nor text him for days now and only for me to woke up this morning and saw his text, will it be nice if I reply him?
Don't reply yet. Wait till the no contact period is over. If he keeps on texting you, let him know you need some space and time.
Don't reply yet. Wait till the no contact period is over. If he keeps on texting you, let him know you need some space and time.
My ex broke up with me and since then I've tried everything to get back with her, recently I got fed up and asked if I can go to her apartment to pick up my stuff. When I was there I told her that "I couldn't be doing this to myself, I cant be sending you flowers or sending you good morning texts anymore cause I feel like no matter what I do nothing is getting better for our relationship" after that night I decided to do the no contact rule. I was doing fine for around 8 days till I got too anxious and I texted her :(. At the end I asked her if she wanted to go to Olive Garden with me. She agreed to go but just as friends this Sunday, should I not text her till she texts me Sunday or no? Also what do I do after that?
How do my chances look to getting back with her?
She have told me that she doesn't want to get back with me at all and she made that very clear a couple times, do I still have a chance?
I have asked her if she still loves me and misses me and she says she dose so I think that's good
Also she says she doesn't want to have anything with anyone, one of her new guy friends asked her out and she declined
How does everything look?
It looks like you still have a chance. If you can meet her and not act needy or desperate in any way, then you should meet her. Don't text her till Sunday. When you meet her, don't talk about getting back together and have fun with her only as a friend.
Hey Kevin, just wanted to give you a little update on what has been going on with me and my ex.... Yes she's still my ex lol :(. Well instead of going to Olive Garden we went to IHOP and I helped her out with one of study guides for her computer class. I notice that she would just stare at me when I would be doing the study guide. I would look up and she would just look away... But now I think things have gotten worse. We were talking as friends and we went out as friends three times. Once was at IHOP then Olive Garden and the most recent one we went to get coffee then we hung out at this place called the convention center. It's a really nice place with green grass and tall trees with a huge water fountain in the middle... That night we had some sort of connection. We were in my car and I was updating her about my mom (my mom has breast cancer) her and I stared to cry and she quickly comfort me... She knows exactly how it feels because her mom also had breast cancer.... I felt a small connectio, do you think that's a good sign?.... Anyway, I have brought up the relationship a couple of times and we do get in a small argument but nothing major. Yesterday I talked to once of her friends and I asked her how was my ex doing. She said that she's fine and she's happy. Then I asked her if there is another guy. She responded with "well there is this guy at school she likes a bit".... That crushed my heart. I got into my car and went to her apertment. It was 11:10 and I called her asking her that I needed to talk to her. She was asleep so she said that she couldn't. So at the end I just had to go home I wanted to talk to her and tell her that I didn't want to be friends anymore because I can't deal with just being friends with the girl I love. . The next day she texted me what was wrong and what I did was psycho, witch it is I admit it. It was a stupid move on my part. So what I did to avoid me looking like a creep is that I told her that I wanted to talk about my mom. That I panicked and I just needed to talk to someone. She understood and everything is fine with that now. But today I was in class we were texting and a conversation came up about if we were over each and if we had already found someone else. She said that she is trying to get over me and she has no one new in her live and she dose not like anyone
When she asked me the same question I said that
Yes I've moved on and no I don't have anyone new in my love life.... Of course I'm still in love with her and I still miss her... Was it a bad move saying that I had moved on?... My general plan now is to do no contact for about 30 to 40 days. It's something that I haven't done and maybe it's the key to get her back... I have tried it for about 8 days but then I got anxious and I texted her lol (this was a while back during my first message).... Kevin how do my chances look now? She is still in love with me but she dosent want to get back with me right now. Do you think no contact will help? Is there anything else I can do? I love this girl and I want to be her man again...... Oh and she broke up with me on February 17th if that makes a difference. Please help me get the girl I love back.
Using the words move on is not a good idea in my opinion. Yes, it may make her miss you and make her panic and want to get back together. But, there's also a risk that she might give up and concentrate more on moving on. That's why I recommend you say "Accepted the breakup" instead of saying "moved on". Regardless, do no contact, but keep it short. Around 2-3 weeks. I think it'll help. Then get back in touch with her. You do have a chance.
Today marks the 12th day of no contact. I haven't heard from her she has not texted me but she has been putting things on twitter. Most of them are just normal tweets but there is some that I can tell that are directed towards me, but in a negative way. For example
"Life goes on"
"You have to be optimistic if you want to survive this."
"Everything is worth the fight. Never give up unless you know you've gave it your all and it never changed a thing."
These are some of the tweets that she has posted. Most of them just make me feel sad and feeling of zero hope. It seems like she's really sticking to her word and wants to continue the break up. I've been wanting to text her these past couple of days but I know I shouldn't... Also been having dreams about her almost every night and those are not helping at all. Should I continue doing no contact to try to get her back?
Stop looking at her social media if it's making you obsess over her and is stopping your progress.
Stop looking at her social media if it's making you obsess over her and is stopping your progress.
Stop looking at her social media if it's making you obsess over her and is stopping your progress.
Stop looking at her social media if it's making you obsess over her and is stopping your progress.
Stop looking at her social media if it's making you obsess over her and is stopping your progress.
Stop looking at her social media if it's making you obsess over her and is stopping your progress.
What do you think will happen during no contact? Right now I'm on day 3. Is there any signs that I should be looking for? Do you think she will come back to me because of the no contact rule? She tweeted yesterday "it was nice while it lasted" should I be worried?
You should not be looking for signs. You should do the things that are mentioned in step 3 of the article.
You should not be looking for signs. You should do the things that are mentioned in step 3 of the article.
You should not be looking for signs. You should do the things that are mentioned in step 3 of the article.
You should not be looking for signs. You should do the things that are mentioned in step 3 of the article.
You should not be looking for signs. You should do the things that are mentioned in step 3 of the article.
You should not be looking for signs. You should do the things that are mentioned in step 3 of the article.
So something major happen. Today after my morning class I came to her apt with flowers and apologized for everything. She told me that we needed to talk. She came outside and she was telling me that she can't do this anymore and that she tells me to stop trying to get her back and I won't listen. Things got a little heated but we remain calm. She was also saying that she can't deal with this and finals is stressing her out. After her telling me all of that she thought that I would keep that flowers and not give them to her(I have no idea why) but I gave her the flowers then left. When I got home my mom told me to go to my room and wait for her, I was really scared and when she came she asked what happen. I told her everything and she said " well her mom called me" I felt so embarrassed. My mom said that her mom told her that I need to leave her alone because the things that I'm doing is making her cry (I thought flowers were suppose to make her happy) her mom also said that she is very confused and doesn't know what she wants. (Just to add, her mom really likes me) and her mom has also said that she's been telling her to give me another chance but she says that she can't because she knows that this will all happen again.... This got me really said and embarrassed that her mom had to talk to my mom. Also she said that my ex has been telling me that she wants nothing to do with me and that I force her to go out to dinner or to Starbucks. witch is not true at all. She has always been telling me that she wants me as a friend and doesn't want to lose me completely. Also if she really didn't want to go to Starbucks she wouldn't have. Also I told her that we would be there for only 30 mins and we ended up being there for more than a hour.... I know I really need to do the no contact rule but I'm so scared to because I don't want her to forget about me or slowly lose feeling towards me but it's probably the only option I got. Her mom also said that she is really stressed with her exams and studying and what not.... What do I do kevin? Did I mess everything up? Or is there still a chance? Have you seen worse?
Please reply soon,
Thanks man
Adam,
What I said in my last comment still stands. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to get back together. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 30 days.
Adam,
What I said in my last comment still stands. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to get back together. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 30 days.
Adam,
What I said in my last comment still stands. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to get back together. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 30 days.
Adam,
What I said in my last comment still stands. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to get back together. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 30 days.
Adam,
What I said in my last comment still stands. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to get back together. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 30 days.
Adam,
What I said in my last comment still stands. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to get back together. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you start no contact for at least 30 days.
Well we went to get coffee. And first she didn't want to then she finally gave in. She talked about the relationship and she mention that she was scared to go back and that she loves being single but also at the same time hates it and that she misses me. But she promised herself to not come back to me or give me another chance. The whole night she would look at me like if she wanted to kiss me. So when I dropped her off she was like waiting for me to do something. So I thought for sure she wanted to kiss. I went in for it then got rejected.. What a bummer right?... I went home and was and still is feeling pretty shitty. She texted me asking if I was mad, I would reply with no but I was actually really sad and frustrated that this has been taking so long... We texted for a while and this is the conversation
Me" Sorry for everything baby. Goodnight and sorry for kissing you"
Her "It's alright, i understand where you are coming from. I'm here for you. I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering I put you through. Goodnight Adam"
Me" you don't want me back"
Her " I can't have you back"
Me" yes you can"
Her " not if I don't feel the same way "
Me "Cause your not letting yourself. Have you thought about giving me a chance? "
Her " I have, ever since you were doing those things to me little by little my feelings towards you were changing. Feelings change. People change. And maybe i did change but because you forced me to. Like, my birthday.. Valentines day, when you'd get mad, the way you'd make me cry, the way you wouldn't listen to me. :( it was just a bunch of stuff adan.. :( i'm sorry i'm really tired Adam"
Me "Things can be different but you just won't let them. You know I can fix all of this if you just let me, don't give up. Cause I'm not. I love you baby goodnight "
Her "What, so am i suppose to just drop it all and run back to you? You want me to just go back to you and let it all happen again? "
Me" Yes! Lol jk.... I don't want you to come back so fast that's wrong, I just want you to let me work at it. And as far as it "happening again" it won't. And I know that for a fact it won't happen again "
Her "I'm tired Adam, thanks for today. Goodnight."
Me" ok goodnight"
Hey Adam,
I think you are making your intentions clear and it's making her put her defenses up. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to want to get back together.
Hey Adam,
I think you are making your intentions clear and it's making her put her defenses up. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to want to get back together.
Hey Adam,
I think you are making your intentions clear and it's making her put her defenses up. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to want to get back together.
Hey Adam,
I think you are making your intentions clear and it's making her put her defenses up. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to want to get back together.
Hey Adam,
I think you are making your intentions clear and it's making her put her defenses up. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to want to get back together.
Hey Adam,
I think you are making your intentions clear and it's making her put her defenses up. You need to take things slowly and let it be her idea to want to get back together.
So here's another update. Thursday She went from sending me goodnight messages and sending me harts here and there to really cold and different on Friday. On Friday she ignored my good morning snapchat and my how is your day going text. Later on that day we did text and I could tell she was in a bad mood. I asked her what was wrong and she said the it was her period. We ended up talking about the relationship and I ended up saying something that made it look like I was over her and she replied with "...and you got over me already?" Then I replied with "Nope not even close. I still have a lot of feelings towards you. But that's understandable cause you broke up with me. You know what I mean?"
And then she just put "oh" she really didn't tell me if she was over me or not but idk. A little later during the conversation she texted me all random "I got to go. Talk to you later". Then she ignored my text message again later that day... So all of that was on Friday. On Saturday she didn't text me all day and I didn't text her. So on Sunday morning she texted me "hi". I ignored it because I feel like she thinks that she can ignore me whenever she wants but when she texts me I better reply to her... So now I'm ignoring her. I don't know how long I should ignore her at this point. Also I'm pretty sad I ignored her cause I was planning on asking her out to do something that night... What should I do? Am I still in the game or have I lost already? Also today on twitter she tweeted "Watch it baby, I got my wall built up pretty fucking high." And "Give me scratchies as I study so I know it's real." Whatever the fuck that means. Should I be worried about another guy? Or do you think she is just putting that for me to see it and text her about it?
Thanks Kevin. You've been awesome help so far
Her hot and cold behavior is quite common. Don't let it bother you. Contact her again after a week.
Her hot and cold behavior is quite common. Don't let it bother you. Contact her again after a week.
Her hot and cold behavior is quite common. Don't let it bother you. Contact her again after a week.
Her hot and cold behavior is quite common. Don't let it bother you. Contact her again after a week.
Her hot and cold behavior is quite common. Don't let it bother you. Contact her again after a week.
Her hot and cold behavior is quite common. Don't let it bother you. Contact her again after a week.
So just wanted to give you another little update. Right now I'm a little confused and I know you give the best advice so I need your help man
I did the no contact for a little while then we started texting again. And I know that I really really really need to do this whole no contact but it's hard lol. But yeah we started texting again and she was really cold. And there was a point were we got into a small argument and she said that she wants to be friends and she can't go back to the person that hurt her. And she was also saying that she loves me and what not.... Not too sure what her problem is because she would say positive things then negative things... I wish I could email you pictures of the conversation so you can see what she was telling me. She started being a little bit more open and not really cold then today we sexted for around 20 mins then had phone sex for another 40 mins. I'm not too sure if it was a bad move on my part. But I did enjoy it and so did she. Now I'm stuck. I don't know if I should continue texting her cause we haven't had phone sex in a long long long time and I don't know if that was a setback or a step fowarad. Or should I just drop it and continue doing no contact. I really do miss this girl and I really want to get back with her. Please guide me in the right direction to get her back
Thanks Kevin
If she gets cold again, start no contact. If not, then continue texting.
If she gets cold again, start no contact. If not, then continue texting.
If she gets cold again, start no contact. If not, then continue texting.
If she gets cold again, start no contact. If not, then continue texting.
If she gets cold again, start no contact. If not, then continue texting.
If she gets cold again, start no contact. If not, then continue texting.
Today marks the 12th day of no contact. I haven't heard from her she has not texted me but she has been putting things on twitter. Most of them are just normal tweets but there is some that I can tell that are directed towards me, but in a negative way. For example
"Life goes on"
"You have to be optimistic if you want to survive this."
"Everything is worth the fight. Never give up unless you know you've gave it your all and it never changed a thing."
These are some of the tweets that she has posted. Most of them just make me feel sad and feeling of zero hope. It seems like she's really sticking to her word and wants to continue the break up. I've been wanting to text her these past couple of days but I know I shouldn't... Also been having dreams about her almost every night and those are not helping at all. Should I continue doing no contact to try to get her back?
What do you think will happen during no contact? Right now I'm on day 3. Is there any signs that I should be looking for? Do you think she will come back to me because of the no contact rule? She tweeted yesterday "it was nice while it lasted" should I be worried?
So something major happen. Today after my morning class I came to her apt with flowers and apologized for everything. She told me that we needed to talk. She came outside and she was telling me that she can't do this anymore and that she tells me to stop trying to get her back and I won't listen. Things got a little heated but we remain calm. She was also saying that she can't deal with this and finals is stressing her out. After her telling me all of that she thought that I would keep that flowers and not give them to her(I have no idea why) but I gave her the flowers then left. When I got home my mom told me to go to my room and wait for her, I was really scared and when she came she asked what happen. I told her everything and she said " well her mom called me" I felt so embarrassed. My mom said that her mom told her that I need to leave her alone because the things that I'm doing is making her cry (I thought flowers were suppose to make her happy) her mom also said that she is very confused and doesn't know what she wants. (Just to add, her mom really likes me) and her mom has also said that she's been telling her to give me another chance but she says that she can't because she knows that this will all happen again.... This got me really said and embarrassed that her mom had to talk to my mom. Also she said that my ex has been telling me that she wants nothing to do with me and that I force her to go out to dinner or to Starbucks. witch is not true at all. She has always been telling me that she wants me as a friend and doesn't want to lose me completely. Also if she really didn't want to go to Starbucks she wouldn't have. Also I told her that we would be there for only 30 mins and we ended up being there for more than a hour.... I know I really need to do the no contact rule but I'm so scared to because I don't want her to forget about me or slowly lose feeling towards me but it's probably the only option I got. Her mom also said that she is really stressed with her exams and studying and what not.... What do I do kevin? Did I mess everything up? Or is there still a chance? Have you seen worse?
Please reply soon,
Thanks man
Well we went to get coffee. And first she didn't want to then she finally gave in. She talked about the relationship and she mention that she was scared to go back and that she loves being single but also at the same time hates it and that she misses me. But she promised herself to not come back to me or give me another chance. The whole night she would look at me like if she wanted to kiss me. So when I dropped her off she was like waiting for me to do something. So I thought for sure she wanted to kiss. I went in for it then got rejected.. What a bummer right?... I went home and was and still is feeling pretty shitty. She texted me asking if I was mad, I would reply with no but I was actually really sad and frustrated that this has been taking so long... We texted for a while and this is the conversation
Me" Sorry for everything baby. Goodnight and sorry for kissing you"
Her "It's alright, i understand where you are coming from. I'm here for you. I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering I put you through. Goodnight Adam"
Me" you don't want me back"
Her " I can't have you back"
Me" yes you can"
Her " not if I don't feel the same way "
Me "Cause your not letting yourself. Have you thought about giving me a chance? "
Her " I have, ever since you were doing those things to me little by little my feelings towards you were changing. Feelings change. People change. And maybe i did change but because you forced me to. Like, my birthday.. Valentines day, when you'd get mad, the way you'd make me cry, the way you wouldn't listen to me. :( it was just a bunch of stuff adan.. :( i'm sorry i'm really tired Adam"
Me "Things can be different but you just won't let them. You know I can fix all of this if you just let me, don't give up. Cause I'm not. I love you baby goodnight "
Her "What, so am i suppose to just drop it all and run back to you? You want me to just go back to you and let it all happen again? "
Me" Yes! Lol jk.... I don't want you to come back so fast that's wrong, I just want you to let me work at it. And as far as it "happening again" it won't. And I know that for a fact it won't happen again "
Her "I'm tired Adam, thanks for today. Goodnight."
Me" ok goodnight"
So here's another update. Thursday She went from sending me goodnight messages and sending me harts here and there to really cold and different on Friday. On Friday she ignored my good morning snapchat and my how is your day going text. Later on that day we did text and I could tell she was in a bad mood. I asked her what was wrong and she said the it was her period. We ended up talking about the relationship and I ended up saying something that made it look like I was over her and she replied with "...and you got over me already?" Then I replied with "Nope not even close. I still have a lot of feelings towards you. But that's understandable cause you broke up with me. You know what I mean?"
And then she just put "oh" she really didn't tell me if she was over me or not but idk. A little later during the conversation she texted me all random "I got to go. Talk to you later". Then she ignored my text message again later that day... So all of that was on Friday. On Saturday she didn't text me all day and I didn't text her. So on Sunday morning she texted me "hi". I ignored it because I feel like she thinks that she can ignore me whenever she wants but when she texts me I better reply to her... So now I'm ignoring her. I don't know how long I should ignore her at this point. Also I'm pretty sad I ignored her cause I was planning on asking her out to do something that night... What should I do? Am I still in the game or have I lost already? Also today on twitter she tweeted "Watch it baby, I got my wall built up pretty fucking high." And "Give me scratchies as I study so I know it's real." Whatever the fuck that means. Should I be worried about another guy? Or do you think she is just putting that for me to see it and text her about it?
Thanks Kevin. You've been awesome help so far
So just wanted to give you another little update. Right now I'm a little confused and I know you give the best advice so I need your help man
I did the no contact for a little while then we started texting again. And I know that I really really really need to do this whole no contact but it's hard lol. But yeah we started texting again and she was really cold. And there was a point were we got into a small argument and she said that she wants to be friends and she can't go back to the person that hurt her. And she was also saying that she loves me and what not.... Not too sure what her problem is because she would say positive things then negative things... I wish I could email you pictures of the conversation so you can see what she was telling me. She started being a little bit more open and not really cold then today we sexted for around 20 mins then had phone sex for another 40 mins. I'm not too sure if it was a bad move on my part. But I did enjoy it and so did she. Now I'm stuck. I don't know if I should continue texting her cause we haven't had phone sex in a long long long time and I don't know if that was a setback or a step fowarad. Or should I just drop it and continue doing no contact. I really do miss this girl and I really want to get back with her. Please guide me in the right direction to get her back
Thanks Kevin
Today marks the 12th day of no contact. I haven't heard from her she has not texted me but she has been putting things on twitter. Most of them are just normal tweets but there is some that I can tell that are directed towards me, but in a negative way. For example
"Life goes on"
"You have to be optimistic if you want to survive this."
"Everything is worth the fight. Never give up unless you know you've gave it your all and it never changed a thing."
These are some of the tweets that she has posted. Most of them just make me feel sad and feeling of zero hope. It seems like she's really sticking to her word and wants to continue the break up. I've been wanting to text her these past couple of days but I know I shouldn't... Also been having dreams about her almost every night and those are not helping at all. Should I continue doing no contact to try to get her back?
What do you think will happen during no contact? Right now I'm on day 3. Is there any signs that I should be looking for? Do you think she will come back to me because of the no contact rule? She tweeted yesterday "it was nice while it lasted" should I be worried?
So something major happen. Today after my morning class I came to her apt with flowers and apologized for everything. She told me that we needed to talk. She came outside and she was telling me that she can't do this anymore and that she tells me to stop trying to get her back and I won't listen. Things got a little heated but we remain calm. She was also saying that she can't deal with this and finals is stressing her out. After her telling me all of that she thought that I would keep that flowers and not give them to her(I have no idea why) but I gave her the flowers then left. When I got home my mom told me to go to my room and wait for her, I was really scared and when she came she asked what happen. I told her everything and she said " well her mom called me" I felt so embarrassed. My mom said that her mom told her that I need to leave her alone because the things that I'm doing is making her cry (I thought flowers were suppose to make her happy) her mom also said that she is very confused and doesn't know what she wants. (Just to add, her mom really likes me) and her mom has also said that she's been telling her to give me another chance but she says that she can't because she knows that this will all happen again.... This got me really said and embarrassed that her mom had to talk to my mom. Also she said that my ex has been telling me that she wants nothing to do with me and that I force her to go out to dinner or to Starbucks. witch is not true at all. She has always been telling me that she wants me as a friend and doesn't want to lose me completely. Also if she really didn't want to go to Starbucks she wouldn't have. Also I told her that we would be there for only 30 mins and we ended up being there for more than a hour.... I know I really need to do the no contact rule but I'm so scared to because I don't want her to forget about me or slowly lose feeling towards me but it's probably the only option I got. Her mom also said that she is really stressed with her exams and studying and what not.... What do I do kevin? Did I mess everything up? Or is there still a chance? Have you seen worse?
Please reply soon,
Thanks man
Well we went to get coffee. And first she didn't want to then she finally gave in. She talked about the relationship and she mention that she was scared to go back and that she loves being single but also at the same time hates it and that she misses me. But she promised herself to not come back to me or give me another chance. The whole night she would look at me like if she wanted to kiss me. So when I dropped her off she was like waiting for me to do something. So I thought for sure she wanted to kiss. I went in for it then got rejected.. What a bummer right?... I went home and was and still is feeling pretty shitty. She texted me asking if I was mad, I would reply with no but I was actually really sad and frustrated that this has been taking so long... We texted for a while and this is the conversation
Me" Sorry for everything baby. Goodnight and sorry for kissing you"
Her "It's alright, i understand where you are coming from. I'm here for you. I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering I put you through. Goodnight Adam"
Me" you don't want me back"
Her " I can't have you back"
Me" yes you can"
Her " not if I don't feel the same way "
Me "Cause your not letting yourself. Have you thought about giving me a chance? "
Her " I have, ever since you were doing those things to me little by little my feelings towards you were changing. Feelings change. People change. And maybe i did change but because you forced me to. Like, my birthday.. Valentines day, when you'd get mad, the way you'd make me cry, the way you wouldn't listen to me. :( it was just a bunch of stuff adan.. :( i'm sorry i'm really tired Adam"
Me "Things can be different but you just won't let them. You know I can fix all of this if you just let me, don't give up. Cause I'm not. I love you baby goodnight "
Her "What, so am i suppose to just drop it all and run back to you? You want me to just go back to you and let it all happen again? "
Me" Yes! Lol jk.... I don't want you to come back so fast that's wrong, I just want you to let me work at it. And as far as it "happening again" it won't. And I know that for a fact it won't happen again "
Her "I'm tired Adam, thanks for today. Goodnight."
Me" ok goodnight"
So here's another update. Thursday She went from sending me goodnight messages and sending me harts here and there to really cold and different on Friday. On Friday she ignored my good morning snapchat and my how is your day going text. Later on that day we did text and I could tell she was in a bad mood. I asked her what was wrong and she said the it was her period. We ended up talking about the relationship and I ended up saying something that made it look like I was over her and she replied with "...and you got over me already?" Then I replied with "Nope not even close. I still have a lot of feelings towards you. But that's understandable cause you broke up with me. You know what I mean?"
And then she just put "oh" she really didn't tell me if she was over me or not but idk. A little later during the conversation she texted me all random "I got to go. Talk to you later". Then she ignored my text message again later that day... So all of that was on Friday. On Saturday she didn't text me all day and I didn't text her. So on Sunday morning she texted me "hi". I ignored it because I feel like she thinks that she can ignore me whenever she wants but when she texts me I better reply to her... So now I'm ignoring her. I don't know how long I should ignore her at this point. Also I'm pretty sad I ignored her cause I was planning on asking her out to do something that night... What should I do? Am I still in the game or have I lost already? Also today on twitter she tweeted "Watch it baby, I got my wall built up pretty fucking high." And "Give me scratchies as I study so I know it's real." Whatever the fuck that means. Should I be worried about another guy? Or do you think she is just putting that for me to see it and text her about it?
Thanks Kevin. You've been awesome help so far
So just wanted to give you another little update. Right now I'm a little confused and I know you give the best advice so I need your help man
I did the no contact for a little while then we started texting again. And I know that I really really really need to do this whole no contact but it's hard lol. But yeah we started texting again and she was really cold. And there was a point were we got into a small argument and she said that she wants to be friends and she can't go back to the person that hurt her. And she was also saying that she loves me and what not.... Not too sure what her problem is because she would say positive things then negative things... I wish I could email you pictures of the conversation so you can see what she was telling me. She started being a little bit more open and not really cold then today we sexted for around 20 mins then had phone sex for another 40 mins. I'm not too sure if it was a bad move on my part. But I did enjoy it and so did she. Now I'm stuck. I don't know if I should continue texting her cause we haven't had phone sex in a long long long time and I don't know if that was a setback or a step fowarad. Or should I just drop it and continue doing no contact. I really do miss this girl and I really want to get back with her. Please guide me in the right direction to get her back
Thanks Kevin
Today marks the 12th day of no contact. I haven't heard from her she has not texted me but she has been putting things on twitter. Most of them are just normal tweets but there is some that I can tell that are directed towards me, but in a negative way. For example
"Life goes on"
"You have to be optimistic if you want to survive this."
"Everything is worth the fight. Never give up unless you know you've gave it your all and it never changed a thing."
These are some of the tweets that she has posted. Most of them just make me feel sad and feeling of zero hope. It seems like she's really sticking to her word and wants to continue the break up. I've been wanting to text her these past couple of days but I know I shouldn't... Also been having dreams about her almost every night and those are not helping at all. Should I continue doing no contact to try to get her back?
What do you think will happen during no contact? Right now I'm on day 3. Is there any signs that I should be looking for? Do you think she will come back to me because of the no contact rule? She tweeted yesterday "it was nice while it lasted" should I be worried?
So something major happen. Today after my morning class I came to her apt with flowers and apologized for everything. She told me that we needed to talk. She came outside and she was telling me that she can't do this anymore and that she tells me to stop trying to get her back and I won't listen. Things got a little heated but we remain calm. She was also saying that she can't deal with this and finals is stressing her out. After her telling me all of that she thought that I would keep that flowers and not give them to her(I have no idea why) but I gave her the flowers then left. When I got home my mom told me to go to my room and wait for her, I was really scared and when she came she asked what happen. I told her everything and she said " well her mom called me" I felt so embarrassed. My mom said that her mom told her that I need to leave her alone because the things that I'm doing is making her cry (I thought flowers were suppose to make her happy) her mom also said that she is very confused and doesn't know what she wants. (Just to add, her mom really likes me) and her mom has also said that she's been telling her to give me another chance but she says that she can't because she knows that this will all happen again.... This got me really said and embarrassed that her mom had to talk to my mom. Also she said that my ex has been telling me that she wants nothing to do with me and that I force her to go out to dinner or to Starbucks. witch is not true at all. She has always been telling me that she wants me as a friend and doesn't want to lose me completely. Also if she really didn't want to go to Starbucks she wouldn't have. Also I told her that we would be there for only 30 mins and we ended up being there for more than a hour.... I know I really need to do the no contact rule but I'm so scared to because I don't want her to forget about me or slowly lose feeling towards me but it's probably the only option I got. Her mom also said that she is really stressed with her exams and studying and what not.... What do I do kevin? Did I mess everything up? Or is there still a chance? Have you seen worse?
Please reply soon,
Thanks man
Well we went to get coffee. And first she didn't want to then she finally gave in. She talked about the relationship and she mention that she was scared to go back and that she loves being single but also at the same time hates it and that she misses me. But she promised herself to not come back to me or give me another chance. The whole night she would look at me like if she wanted to kiss me. So when I dropped her off she was like waiting for me to do something. So I thought for sure she wanted to kiss. I went in for it then got rejected.. What a bummer right?... I went home and was and still is feeling pretty shitty. She texted me asking if I was mad, I would reply with no but I was actually really sad and frustrated that this has been taking so long... We texted for a while and this is the conversation
Me" Sorry for everything baby. Goodnight and sorry for kissing you"
Her "It's alright, i understand where you are coming from. I'm here for you. I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering I put you through. Goodnight Adam"
Me" you don't want me back"
Her " I can't have you back"
Me" yes you can"
Her " not if I don't feel the same way "
Me "Cause your not letting yourself. Have you thought about giving me a chance? "
Her " I have, ever since you were doing those things to me little by little my feelings towards you were changing. Feelings change. People change. And maybe i did change but because you forced me to. Like, my birthday.. Valentines day, when you'd get mad, the way you'd make me cry, the way you wouldn't listen to me. :( it was just a bunch of stuff adan.. :( i'm sorry i'm really tired Adam"
Me "Things can be different but you just won't let them. You know I can fix all of this if you just let me, don't give up. Cause I'm not. I love you baby goodnight "
Her "What, so am i suppose to just drop it all and run back to you? You want me to just go back to you and let it all happen again? "
Me" Yes! Lol jk.... I don't want you to come back so fast that's wrong, I just want you to let me work at it. And as far as it "happening again" it won't. And I know that for a fact it won't happen again "
Her "I'm tired Adam, thanks for today. Goodnight."
Me" ok goodnight"
So here's another update. Thursday She went from sending me goodnight messages and sending me harts here and there to really cold and different on Friday. On Friday she ignored my good morning snapchat and my how is your day going text. Later on that day we did text and I could tell she was in a bad mood. I asked her what was wrong and she said the it was her period. We ended up talking about the relationship and I ended up saying something that made it look like I was over her and she replied with "...and you got over me already?" Then I replied with "Nope not even close. I still have a lot of feelings towards you. But that's understandable cause you broke up with me. You know what I mean?"
And then she just put "oh" she really didn't tell me if she was over me or not but idk. A little later during the conversation she texted me all random "I got to go. Talk to you later". Then she ignored my text message again later that day... So all of that was on Friday. On Saturday she didn't text me all day and I didn't text her. So on Sunday morning she texted me "hi". I ignored it because I feel like she thinks that she can ignore me whenever she wants but when she texts me I better reply to her... So now I'm ignoring her. I don't know how long I should ignore her at this point. Also I'm pretty sad I ignored her cause I was planning on asking her out to do something that night... What should I do? Am I still in the game or have I lost already? Also today on twitter she tweeted "Watch it baby, I got my wall built up pretty fucking high." And "Give me scratchies as I study so I know it's real." Whatever the fuck that means. Should I be worried about another guy? Or do you think she is just putting that for me to see it and text her about it?
Thanks Kevin. You've been awesome help so far
So just wanted to give you another little update. Right now I'm a little confused and I know you give the best advice so I need your help man
I did the no contact for a little while then we started texting again. And I know that I really really really need to do this whole no contact but it's hard lol. But yeah we started texting again and she was really cold. And there was a point were we got into a small argument and she said that she wants to be friends and she can't go back to the person that hurt her. And she was also saying that she loves me and what not.... Not too sure what her problem is because she would say positive things then negative things... I wish I could email you pictures of the conversation so you can see what she was telling me. She started being a little bit more open and not really cold then today we sexted for around 20 mins then had phone sex for another 40 mins. I'm not too sure if it was a bad move on my part. But I did enjoy it and so did she. Now I'm stuck. I don't know if I should continue texting her cause we haven't had phone sex in a long long long time and I don't know if that was a setback or a step fowarad. Or should I just drop it and continue doing no contact. I really do miss this girl and I really want to get back with her. Please guide me in the right direction to get her back
Thanks Kevin
Today marks the 12th day of no contact. I haven't heard from her she has not texted me but she has been putting things on twitter. Most of them are just normal tweets but there is some that I can tell that are directed towards me, but in a negative way. For example
"Life goes on"
"You have to be optimistic if you want to survive this."
"Everything is worth the fight. Never give up unless you know you've gave it your all and it never changed a thing."
These are some of the tweets that she has posted. Most of them just make me feel sad and feeling of zero hope. It seems like she's really sticking to her word and wants to continue the break up. I've been wanting to text her these past couple of days but I know I shouldn't... Also been having dreams about her almost every night and those are not helping at all. Should I continue doing no contact to try to get her back?
What do you think will happen during no contact? Right now I'm on day 3. Is there any signs that I should be looking for? Do you think she will come back to me because of the no contact rule? She tweeted yesterday "it was nice while it lasted" should I be worried?
So something major happen. Today after my morning class I came to her apt with flowers and apologized for everything. She told me that we needed to talk. She came outside and she was telling me that she can't do this anymore and that she tells me to stop trying to get her back and I won't listen. Things got a little heated but we remain calm. She was also saying that she can't deal with this and finals is stressing her out. After her telling me all of that she thought that I would keep that flowers and not give them to her(I have no idea why) but I gave her the flowers then left. When I got home my mom told me to go to my room and wait for her, I was really scared and when she came she asked what happen. I told her everything and she said " well her mom called me" I felt so embarrassed. My mom said that her mom told her that I need to leave her alone because the things that I'm doing is making her cry (I thought flowers were suppose to make her happy) her mom also said that she is very confused and doesn't know what she wants. (Just to add, her mom really likes me) and her mom has also said that she's been telling her to give me another chance but she says that she can't because she knows that this will all happen again.... This got me really said and embarrassed that her mom had to talk to my mom. Also she said that my ex has been telling me that she wants nothing to do with me and that I force her to go out to dinner or to Starbucks. witch is not true at all. She has always been telling me that she wants me as a friend and doesn't want to lose me completely. Also if she really didn't want to go to Starbucks she wouldn't have. Also I told her that we would be there for only 30 mins and we ended up being there for more than a hour.... I know I really need to do the no contact rule but I'm so scared to because I don't want her to forget about me or slowly lose feeling towards me but it's probably the only option I got. Her mom also said that she is really stressed with her exams and studying and what not.... What do I do kevin? Did I mess everything up? Or is there still a chance? Have you seen worse?
Please reply soon,
Thanks man
Well we went to get coffee. And first she didn't want to then she finally gave in. She talked about the relationship and she mention that she was scared to go back and that she loves being single but also at the same time hates it and that she misses me. But she promised herself to not come back to me or give me another chance. The whole night she would look at me like if she wanted to kiss me. So when I dropped her off she was like waiting for me to do something. So I thought for sure she wanted to kiss. I went in for it then got rejected.. What a bummer right?... I went home and was and still is feeling pretty shitty. She texted me asking if I was mad, I would reply with no but I was actually really sad and frustrated that this has been taking so long... We texted for a while and this is the conversation
Me" Sorry for everything baby. Goodnight and sorry for kissing you"
Her "It's alright, i understand where you are coming from. I'm here for you. I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering I put you through. Goodnight Adam"
Me" you don't want me back"
Her " I can't have you back"
Me" yes you can"
Her " not if I don't feel the same way "
Me "Cause your not letting yourself. Have you thought about giving me a chance? "
Her " I have, ever since you were doing those things to me little by little my feelings towards you were changing. Feelings change. People change. And maybe i did change but because you forced me to. Like, my birthday.. Valentines day, when you'd get mad, the way you'd make me cry, the way you wouldn't listen to me. :( it was just a bunch of stuff adan.. :( i'm sorry i'm really tired Adam"
Me "Things can be different but you just won't let them. You know I can fix all of this if you just let me, don't give up. Cause I'm not. I love you baby goodnight "
Her "What, so am i suppose to just drop it all and run back to you? You want me to just go back to you and let it all happen again? "
Me" Yes! Lol jk.... I don't want you to come back so fast that's wrong, I just want you to let me work at it. And as far as it "happening again" it won't. And I know that for a fact it won't happen again "
Her "I'm tired Adam, thanks for today. Goodnight."
Me" ok goodnight"
So here's another update. Thursday She went from sending me goodnight messages and sending me harts here and there to really cold and different on Friday. On Friday she ignored my good morning snapchat and my how is your day going text. Later on that day we did text and I could tell she was in a bad mood. I asked her what was wrong and she said the it was her period. We ended up talking about the relationship and I ended up saying something that made it look like I was over her and she replied with "...and you got over me already?" Then I replied with "Nope not even close. I still have a lot of feelings towards you. But that's understandable cause you broke up with me. You know what I mean?"
And then she just put "oh" she really didn't tell me if she was over me or not but idk. A little later during the conversation she texted me all random "I got to go. Talk to you later". Then she ignored my text message again later that day... So all of that was on Friday. On Saturday she didn't text me all day and I didn't text her. So on Sunday morning she texted me "hi". I ignored it because I feel like she thinks that she can ignore me whenever she wants but when she texts me I better reply to her... So now I'm ignoring her. I don't know how long I should ignore her at this point. Also I'm pretty sad I ignored her cause I was planning on asking her out to do something that night... What should I do? Am I still in the game or have I lost already? Also today on twitter she tweeted "Watch it baby, I got my wall built up pretty fucking high." And "Give me scratchies as I study so I know it's real." Whatever the fuck that means. Should I be worried about another guy? Or do you think she is just putting that for me to see it and text her about it?
Thanks Kevin. You've been awesome help so far
So just wanted to give you another little update. Right now I'm a little confused and I know you give the best advice so I need your help man
I did the no contact for a little while then we started texting again. And I know that I really really really need to do this whole no contact but it's hard lol. But yeah we started texting again and she was really cold. And there was a point were we got into a small argument and she said that she wants to be friends and she can't go back to the person that hurt her. And she was also saying that she loves me and what not.... Not too sure what her problem is because she would say positive things then negative things... I wish I could email you pictures of the conversation so you can see what she was telling me. She started being a little bit more open and not really cold then today we sexted for around 20 mins then had phone sex for another 40 mins. I'm not too sure if it was a bad move on my part. But I did enjoy it and so did she. Now I'm stuck. I don't know if I should continue texting her cause we haven't had phone sex in a long long long time and I don't know if that was a setback or a step fowarad. Or should I just drop it and continue doing no contact. I really do miss this girl and I really want to get back with her. Please guide me in the right direction to get her back
Thanks Kevin
Using the words move on is not a good idea in my opinion. Yes, it may make her miss you and make her panic and want to get back together. But, there's also a risk that she might give up and concentrate more on moving on. That's why I recommend you say "Accepted the breakup" instead of saying "moved on". Regardless, do no contact, but keep it short. Around 2-3 weeks. I think it'll help. Then get back in touch with her. You do have a chance.
Using the words move on is not a good idea in my opinion. Yes, it may make her miss you and make her panic and want to get back together. But, there's also a risk that she might give up and concentrate more on moving on. That's why I recommend you say "Accepted the breakup" instead of saying "moved on". Regardless, do no contact, but keep it short. Around 2-3 weeks. I think it'll help. Then get back in touch with her. You do have a chance.
Using the words move on is not a good idea in my opinion. Yes, it may make her miss you and make her panic and want to get back together. But, there's also a risk that she might give up and concentrate more on moving on. That's why I recommend you say "Accepted the breakup" instead of saying "moved on". Regardless, do no contact, but keep it short. Around 2-3 weeks. I think it'll help. Then get back in touch with her. You do have a chance.
Hey Kevin, just wanted to give you a little update on what has been going on with me and my ex.... Yes she's still my ex lol :(. Well instead of going to Olive Garden we went to IHOP and I helped her out with one of study guides for her computer class. I notice that she would just stare at me when I would be doing the study guide. I would look up and she would just look away... But now I think things have gotten worse. We were talking as friends and we went out as friends three times. Once was at IHOP then Olive Garden and the most recent one we went to get coffee then we hung out at this place called the convention center. It's a really nice place with green grass and tall trees with a huge water fountain in the middle... That night we had some sort of connection. We were in my car and I was updating her about my mom (my mom has breast cancer) her and I stared to cry and she quickly comfort me... She knows exactly how it feels because her mom also had breast cancer.... I felt a small connectio, do you think that's a good sign?.... Anyway, I have brought up the relationship a couple of times and we do get in a small argument but nothing major. Yesterday I talked to once of her friends and I asked her how was my ex doing. She said that she's fine and she's happy. Then I asked her if there is another guy. She responded with "well there is this guy at school she likes a bit".... That crushed my heart. I got into my car and went to her apertment. It was 11:10 and I called her asking her that I needed to talk to her. She was asleep so she said that she couldn't. So at the end I just had to go home I wanted to talk to her and tell her that I didn't want to be friends anymore because I can't deal with just being friends with the girl I love. . The next day she texted me what was wrong and what I did was psycho, witch it is I admit it. It was a stupid move on my part. So what I did to avoid me looking like a creep is that I told her that I wanted to talk about my mom. That I panicked and I just needed to talk to someone. She understood and everything is fine with that now. But today I was in class we were texting and a conversation came up about if we were over each and if we had already found someone else. She said that she is trying to get over me and she has no one new in her live and she dose not like anyone
When she asked me the same question I said that
Yes I've moved on and no I don't have anyone new in my love life.... Of course I'm still in love with her and I still miss her... Was it a bad move saying that I had moved on?... My general plan now is to do no contact for about 30 to 40 days. It's something that I haven't done and maybe it's the key to get her back... I have tried it for about 8 days but then I got anxious and I texted her lol (this was a while back during my first message).... Kevin how do my chances look now? She is still in love with me but she dosent want to get back with me right now. Do you think no contact will help? Is there anything else I can do? I love this girl and I want to be her man again...... Oh and she broke up with me on February 17th if that makes a difference. Please help me get the girl I love back.
Hey Kevin, just wanted to give you a little update on what has been going on with me and my ex.... Yes she's still my ex lol :(. Well instead of going to Olive Garden we went to IHOP and I helped her out with one of study guides for her computer class. I notice that she would just stare at me when I would be doing the study guide. I would look up and she would just look away... But now I think things have gotten worse. We were talking as friends and we went out as friends three times. Once was at IHOP then Olive Garden and the most recent one we went to get coffee then we hung out at this place called the convention center. It's a really nice place with green grass and tall trees with a huge water fountain in the middle... That night we had some sort of connection. We were in my car and I was updating her about my mom (my mom has breast cancer) her and I stared to cry and she quickly comfort me... She knows exactly how it feels because her mom also had breast cancer.... I felt a small connectio, do you think that's a good sign?.... Anyway, I have brought up the relationship a couple of times and we do get in a small argument but nothing major. Yesterday I talked to once of her friends and I asked her how was my ex doing. She said that she's fine and she's happy. Then I asked her if there is another guy. She responded with "well there is this guy at school she likes a bit".... That crushed my heart. I got into my car and went to her apertment. It was 11:10 and I called her asking her that I needed to talk to her. She was asleep so she said that she couldn't. So at the end I just had to go home I wanted to talk to her and tell her that I didn't want to be friends anymore because I can't deal with just being friends with the girl I love. . The next day she texted me what was wrong and what I did was psycho, witch it is I admit it. It was a stupid move on my part. So what I did to avoid me looking like a creep is that I told her that I wanted to talk about my mom. That I panicked and I just needed to talk to someone. She understood and everything is fine with that now. But today I was in class we were texting and a conversation came up about if we were over each and if we had already found someone else. She said that she is trying to get over me and she has no one new in her live and she dose not like anyone
When she asked me the same question I said that
Yes I've moved on and no I don't have anyone new in my love life.... Of course I'm still in love with her and I still miss her... Was it a bad move saying that I had moved on?... My general plan now is to do no contact for about 30 to 40 days. It's something that I haven't done and maybe it's the key to get her back... I have tried it for about 8 days but then I got anxious and I texted her lol (this was a while back during my first message).... Kevin how do my chances look now? She is still in love with me but she dosent want to get back with me right now. Do you think no contact will help? Is there anything else I can do? I love this girl and I want to be her man again...... Oh and she broke up with me on February 17th if that makes a difference. Please help me get the girl I love back.
It looks like you still have a chance. If you can meet her and not act needy or desperate in any way, then you should meet her. Don't text her till Sunday. When you meet her, don't talk about getting back together and have fun with her only as a friend.
So, my ex broke up with me three days ago and he still wants to hang around with me, today will be the third day in a row. I tried to talk about the relationship and feelings and he refused to talk about it. I also asked if I should wait or give up on the relationship and he said I should stop waiting, although he said this, the manner in which he said it made me think he said it out of hurt and not what he actually wants. He still gets along with me the same as we were when we were in a relationship and he still seems really caring and nice towards me although sometimes it suddenly changed and feels like he's angry at me for no reason. Tomorrow is our would-be 10 month anniversary.. Basically I'm confused as to whether or not it's likely we could get back together.. When I asked if he loved me he told me he didn't want to answer the question and when I asked if his mind could change in the future he said he didn't know and refused to talk any further because he didn't want me to get my hopes up..
Help?
Hey,
My boyfriend broke up with me out of no where almost a month ago now. We live together and I'm currently looking for a new place while he is at his parents. We were together for 2 years. He said he needed to be alone and figure out what he wants in life. The one problem is we also work together. He's a bartender and I'm a server at the same bar. We have managed to stay civil with each other even though it's heart breaking to work with him. I keep having co workers tell me how he seems to be loving the single life and hitting on every girl. I made the mistake and freaked out on him after this same girl keeps coming into our work by herself to see him. He says nothing is going on, but I know they left together one night. I was so heart broken that he could move on so quick after not even a month. We only work one night a week together, so what do you recommend I do? Just keep no contact for every other day, but how do I act at work?
Hi Kevin,
So my ex and I had been going out for almost 3 years before I broke up with him this past December right before New Year's Eve. I did it becuase I felt I had a lot of personal issues to deal with (family, etc.) and he was always preoccupied with work and needed to focus on that. During the last year of our relationship I had tried taking a break with him several times because I thought we both needed time for personal growth. He would usually start crying and telling me he didn't want me to let go and make promises of how he'd be better etc. He said things like he wanted to marry me one day and made me promise to never leave him. I guess it stressed me out a bit because I had started going out with him in college and went in with the mindset that we'd have to break up when we both graduated. But it turned out that he moved from LA and found a job in NY where I live when we both graduated. Overall, I think we had a really good relationship. Even though we dated for almost 3 years, we never experienced going through a rut or anything. I think it's because we were such good friends before we started dating.
I broke up with him through a pretty harsh text but did not expect him to actually go along with it while he was home on Christmas break. I was pretty insensitive about it becuase his parents had been going through a divorce, and I was having my own family issues, and I guess I broke up with him when he needed me most. (There are a ton more details but I'm leaving them out for the purpose of not making this too long)
I was really shaken up after our break, and didn't know about the NC rule...after we broke up I texted him several times and I ended up called him profuseley apologizing and told him that I loved him (which I admittedly never did during our relationship). Unfortunately, it was too little too late. I said it was ok for him to take his time and if he wanted to be single for a while I was ok with it, but when I asked if we'd get back together in the future he said probably not. He said if we got back together, then I would just be getting my way as usual, and that he was super busy at work and hadn't really thought about us for the past few weeks, and he couldnt' do the ups and downs anymore. He said that since we broke up he felt relieved. I cried but I didn't believe him when he said that, but I thoguht he was saying these things becuase he was feeling hurt. He was being very dramatic and said he was going to stay single for a long time and didn't know if he'd ever get married, etc. I said I respected his decision and when I asked if we could at least be friends he said ok.
I tried asking him to lunch or whatever after that, but he kept saying no. So I stopped texting for 2 weeks. A few days beforeValentine's day I texted him (sad, I know, but I didn't text him so I wouldn't be single for Vday haha). I had just said "hey" to check in, but he didn't respond.
On Valentine's day, he texted me saying "Hey there. I've started dating someone. so I think we should stop talking. it's not fair to me or her. Thanks for your thoughts, but I'm moving on. I wish the best for you." I tried calling him because I wanted to get some closure...but he texted back "Please enough is enough. I don't want to talk. There is nothing more to discuss."
I was shocked, and all my friends and family were really shocked too.
I sent him a lengthy email saying I was sorry I messed up and that I hurt him, and that after we broke up I had done a lot of self-evaluation and I was sorry that I was so selfish and that I took him for granted. I told him even though he said he said we shouldn't talk anymore that I still care about him and will always have an open ear if he needs someone to listen. I wrote a prayer for us that we'd both heal and forgive each other.
Later that day, I saw on his Facebook he changed his relationship status with the new girl.
I never got a response from the email/don't know if he even read it. We haven't spoken since.
About 2 weeks ago, a mutual friend called him and ask for details. Turns out he met this girl through Tinder (rolling eyes) and said "she is amazing, we hit it off perfectly and it feels like we've known each other for years..because it felt so right just wanted to let it happen naturally and not stop it. shes awesome, we make each other so happy when we're together." It sounds pretty fake, but I'm not sure. He said both of them went into it not expecting anything serious, but the more they chatted the more they had in common. So they met up in person and from what it sounds like they really hit it off, and he said they "communicate really well"...
I stalked her a bit and found out they work in the same industry, seems nice and normal with a good job. I still think he could do much better than her. My friend asked him if he'd ever consider getting back with me he said "I don't want to say no, just because of all the good memories we've had together." However, he told her the past year we had was rough and he didn't know what I wanted and didn't know how to make me happy and couldn't handle all the ups and downs in our relationship.This new girl knows he just got out of a long relationship and when she asked him if he was on a rebound apparently he said he wasn't. He hasn't posted anything on facebook other than the relationship status change in a few weeks.
Sorry for the long, jumbled message. I just want to know if this is a rebound. We haven't communicated since Valentine's day and it's been a month since they've started dating and almost 4 months since we broke up. Does this mean we're over for good?
Thanks in advance for reading this!
It's most probably a rebound. I think you still have a chance of reconciliation. Try the 5 step plan. If it works, great. If it doesn't, then you know it's over for sure.
It's most probably a rebound. I think you still have a chance of reconciliation. Try the 5 step plan. If it works, great. If it doesn't, then you know it's over for sure.
Hello,
My Girlfriend of three years advised me 6 weeks ago that we should take a break. This came as a huge shock to me as we had planned to get married and have kids in the near future .
She said that are relationship had become more like a best friendship and we starting to act like an old couple stuck in a routine .
Four weeks later she decides to call it off altogether and said she still loves me but the spark is gone . We are still living together , however she is rarely home .
One week ago I was on this very site working out how to get her back and I decided to delete the history off out Laptop . I found that she had been chatting to a guy from Facebook loads in the past 3 months. I questioned her about this and she admitted he had feelings for her and she feels something for him but that they not an item and have not done anything together . I have a feeling that she has been with him after work all the time she has not been home
I openly admitted that I played a part in our relationship becoming a bit boring and monotonous and I have done all the right things for myself such as joining a gym, seeing friends and getting a new hair cut/clothes.
I feel this guy has heavily influenced her decisions and really feel she still loves me.
We are still going on holiday with each other for 3 days later this week and on another holiday for a week in 14 days . What should I do ?? I love her so much despite all the heartache but I feel like i'm losing her .
Hi, I love your website and now I rlly need some advice.
My ex and I broke up a long time ago (two years ago). I called it off but I was young and immature. I am still madly in love with him and I probably messed up on all of your steps because I seem like a crazy needy ex now. He has been dating this other girl for a year now (I saw it coming and warned him) and now I don't know what to do. I know my chances of getting him back are very slim but I would do anything. Rlly. So please tell me what to do. I need your help. PS prom is in two weeeks and he will probably take her not me. Is there anything I can do? Help me please
Yes, follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin
How do you apply this program if you have a child together? I want to enforce the no contact rule, but unfortunately I have to contact her in order to pick up/drop off my son. We are married but separated at the moment, and I feel I fit your description if being needy to a T and can see that it's pushing her away. I've already heard the "I love you but I'm no longer in love with you" come out of her mouth and she's even expressed not having any desire to spend time with me at the moment. I need a program to follow.
Hey, only speak to her about the child. I explain it in this article.
Hey, only speak to her about the child. I explain it in this article.
My boyfriend of a little over a year broke up with me about a week and a half ago. He was basically just fed up with me and my constant anxiety and stress, and said he couldn't handle it anymore. From what i've heard from his friends, he told them that he loves me, but he just can't be in a relationship with me right now. We've broken up before about 7-ish months ago, but we ended up getting back together. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me because the same day he broke up with me he was acting totally normal, and a few days before he was planning out future together, until i started acting panicky that day. I tried texting him the day after (huge mistake) and he wasn't very receptive/obviously not ready to talk about it. We talked yesterday and we made plans to hangout as friends tomorrow, and he reminded me that we are "just friends". It seems unreal to me that he doesn't love me anymore or have any feelings for me at all, and it has me really upset. What do you think?
I have a suitor that I like before (that was 2012), but we have not been in a relationship, that was just dating. He will be getting married for the next 3 months. But I don't like the girl that she will be marrying. And I want him to be attracted to me again. Help?
I really don't think I can help in your situation, Sorry. You don't have to like that girl, only he has to like her. If you are in touch with him, let him know that you are attracted to him and if he wants to give it another go with you.
Thank You!
You are helping me incredibly lot.
Writing, talking about this crisis seems to help me to digest it, so I actually collected all out nicest moments in a letter. I'm planning to send it to her, as a kind of goodbye letter. I rewrote it several times and removed all negative thoughts, actually I think it will make her smile and of course, desire me a little more. She is pretty sentimental and has a rich emotional life.
Do you think this is a good idea Kevin? Just to keep her interested?
At the end I am actually saying goodbye and really feel myself ad a closure - but I secretly hope for the opposite :-)
Roland,
I don't think an emotional letter is going to help you get her back. In most cases, it even pushes the ex further away. However, if you are ready to end this chapter of your life and you really mean to send this letter as a goodbye, then go ahead. In your case, it might even help since you are left with no other choice but to wait it out.
Roland,
I don't think an emotional letter is going to help you get her back. In most cases, it even pushes the ex further away. However, if you are ready to end this chapter of your life and you really mean to send this letter as a goodbye, then go ahead. In your case, it might even help since you are left with no other choice but to wait it out.
Roland,
I don't think an emotional letter is going to help you get her back. In most cases, it even pushes the ex further away. However, if you are ready to end this chapter of your life and you really mean to send this letter as a goodbye, then go ahead. In your case, it might even help since you are left with no other choice but to wait it out.
Roland,
I don't think an emotional letter is going to help you get her back. In most cases, it even pushes the ex further away. However, if you are ready to end this chapter of your life and you really mean to send this letter as a goodbye, then go ahead. In your case, it might even help since you are left with no other choice but to wait it out.
Thank You!
You are helping me incredibly lot.
Writing, talking about this crisis seems to help me to digest it, so I actually collected all out nicest moments in a letter. I'm planning to send it to her, as a kind of goodbye letter. I rewrote it several times and removed all negative thoughts, actually I think it will make her smile and of course, desire me a little more. She is pretty sentimental and has a rich emotional life.
Do you think this is a good idea Kevin? Just to keep her interested?
At the end I am actually saying goodbye and really feel myself ad a closure - but I secretly hope for the opposite :-)
Thank You!
You are helping me incredibly lot.
Writing, talking about this crisis seems to help me to digest it, so I actually collected all out nicest moments in a letter. I'm planning to send it to her, as a kind of goodbye letter. I rewrote it several times and removed all negative thoughts, actually I think it will make her smile and of course, desire me a little more. She is pretty sentimental and has a rich emotional life.
Do you think this is a good idea Kevin? Just to keep her interested?
At the end I am actually saying goodbye and really feel myself ad a closure - but I secretly hope for the opposite :-)
I really don't think I can help in your situation, Sorry. You don't have to like that girl, only he has to like her. If you are in touch with him, let him know that you are attracted to him and if he wants to give it another go with you.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of a year recently broke up with me. It was two days after our anniversary and one of my friends at college posted a picture of me on Facebook. It convinced my boyfriend I was cheating on him. We were completely in love but this must have changed his mind right away. So he called me, broke up with me and then wouldn't talk to me for a while. Two days later he was already seeing another girl but he was telling me that maybe we could try again in the summer when I go home from college or later on when he is also in college and we will be able to see each other more. He would still send me inappropriate messages. I know I had been like harassing him because I was constantly trying to talk to him. But then I quit trying to talk to him because I realized that was only going to push him farther away. Then he randomly freaked out on me one night because his new girl was mad because he had been talking to me and it was all my fault. I just don't know what to do now.
Thank you for your time.
I have a feeling he was the one cheating on you, or at least was thinking of cheating on you. But I can be wrong. Anyways, give him time and space and follow the 5 step plan.
I have a feeling he was the one cheating on you, or at least was thinking of cheating on you. But I can be wrong. Anyways, give him time and space and follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
My situation is a little more complicated (btw sorry if my English sounds strange, I'm from Hungary) but I will try to keep it short - I would really like to hear Your opinion and advice.
So, we've been very good friends with a girl since 2008, not seeing each other too much, maybe 5-6 times a year, but always flirting. I am 31, she is 30. We had many chances to get together, but we didn't, for 5 years. Somehow we were afraid of rejection, therefore we didn't even touch each other, although we've been sleeping in the same rooms after parties... In the meantime she got married (in 2011) and I did also, in 2012.
Somehow (maybe due to the "secure feeling" of being married, and having some weaknesses in our marriages), in June 2013 we made it happen. The idea was to have fun once.
This "fun" repeated in August, but we went too far: we started to have strong emotions that we didn't expect. Sex was so perfect and chemicals started to work so strong that we both fell in love, so deeply that we totally ignored everything else (marriages, work, families, friends, etc.) for months. Of course we played it in secret, but after a while we simply recognized that we can't live like this, and decided to get divorced.
Since October we've been waiting for the right moment, all the way in secret. We decided to survive Christmas with our husband/wife, and proceed in January/February with moving away. We both treated our partners poorly, having no sex, etc. to give them a clear warning about what will happen. Yes, it was disgusting, but we had no better idea. As a last resort, we would have told them the truth, just to let us go.
After many months of suffering, the girl's husband discovered our secret. Not even a small amount, but basically everything, which is simply too much for anyone to accept. I felt even sorry for him, I never wanted to hurt anyone - the same way we didn't want to hurt my wife either. They just didn't deserve it - but they didn't deserve us playing our roles anymore either.
So, after few days they decided to divorce. In the meantime (due to our empty marriage) I agreed with my wife as well about getting divorced. She never discovered what really went down, but she agreed anyway, as she didn't enjoy the "new me".
But something bad happened: the husband started to play with the emotions of the girl, making big dramas, when he was sick (he had a heart condition!) he refused to go to the doctor, etc. so he was doing pretty childish stuff just to keep the girl with himself. As a very last solution, he offered her that he will forgive everything if she stays with him.
Guess what. The girl accepted his offer.
She was really in love with me, we had the best time of our lives together. I moved away, rented a flat for both of us, but she moved here for a day only, then moved back to her husband, saying that she simply can not leave him. She is still attached somehow to him, and she can't let him go. (her decision is not influenced by financials, etc. only feelings for sure).
Although my friends try to cheer me up, they all agree that she is doing a mistake. The guy is famous of being a good manipulator, and he actually emotionally tortured his previous girlfriend before leaving her (she cheated on him too). Now my love is simply put OFFLINE: her facebook account is deactivated (she loved to use FB), she blocked my phone numbers so I can't call or text her, she is not reading her personal emails. She is not answering to the calls of our common friends either, although we know that they are important for her, she loved our team.
Her brother is calling me sometimes, saying that he really wanted me to save her from our marriage. He is the only one that could talk to her, but actually she said that she doesn't even want to talk to me, she decided to leave me, go back to her husband and she has nothing else to say. In the meantime she doesn't seem to be honestly happy.
When she broke up with me I saw that her eyes and her lips are not telling the same. She was cold and tough while we moved out her stuff from the flat, but still, I got some oral sex in the last minute...
She seems to be definitely confused. I am afraid she is even terrorized at home. Still, her brother recommended me the same as You Kevin: no contact. Let her clean her thoughts up.
What do you think? Can their 3 year old relationship survive such a hit? Especially knowing that the guy knows EVERYTHING (he hacked her phone and read all the nasty messages, all the love confessions, our future plans, etc.)? Or is it possible that he is only playing with her to make her suffer?
To be honest, I just want her to be safe and happy, that's my primary goal. Secondary is to get her back (I can't fix my marriage anyway).
What do you think I should do? Really remain silent and wait? She seemed to be pissed off, even frustrated when I called her after our break-up. She said she is 100% concentrating on fixing her marriage. This sounds very strange as 2 days earlier she said she was the happiest on Earth to finally move in a flat together with me... Although she plays tough, she seems to me totally confused.
We are 2 weeks after the break-up, and my last email I sent to her 2 days ago. Then I read this article and decided to stop looking for her... but am I doing this right?
Your help is highly appreciated.
I think she is just feeling guilty for hurting her husband and is trying to make up for it. His drama is just adding to her guilt. I don't think it will work out in the end. Perhaps, when his health gets better, she will realize she can leave him again. You are right, you need to give her time. In my opinion, she can not find happiness in this guilt-ridden relationship no matter how hard she tries. And if she doesn't find happiness, she will eventually get tired and start looking for it elsewhere.
Thank You Kevin!
Actually You have just confirmed what I thought so far - although it doesn't mean that she'll find her way back to me. She is exactly the type who is influenced by feeling guilty. But where has the LOVE gone? Does she still have the feeling? Or can the guilt be so strong that it kills her feelings towards me?
I can almost guarantee that she still has feelings for you. That's why she is avoiding talking to you. And I don't think her feelings will go away easily, even if she tries.
I can almost guarantee that she still has feelings for you. That's why she is avoiding talking to you. And I don't think her feelings will go away easily, even if she tries.
I can almost guarantee that she still has feelings for you. That's why she is avoiding talking to you. And I don't think her feelings will go away easily, even if she tries.
I can almost guarantee that she still has feelings for you. That's why she is avoiding talking to you. And I don't think her feelings will go away easily, even if she tries.
Thank You Kevin!
Actually You have just confirmed what I thought so far - although it doesn't mean that she'll find her way back to me. She is exactly the type who is influenced by feeling guilty. But where has the LOVE gone? Does she still have the feeling? Or can the guilt be so strong that it kills her feelings towards me?
Thank You Kevin!
Actually You have just confirmed what I thought so far - although it doesn't mean that she'll find her way back to me. She is exactly the type who is influenced by feeling guilty. But where has the LOVE gone? Does she still have the feeling? Or can the guilt be so strong that it kills her feelings towards me?
I think she is just feeling guilty for hurting her husband and is trying to make up for it. His drama is just adding to her guilt. I don't think it will work out in the end. Perhaps, when his health gets better, she will realize she can leave him again. You are right, you need to give her time. In my opinion, she can not find happiness in this guilt-ridden relationship no matter how hard she tries. And if she doesn't find happiness, she will eventually get tired and start looking for it elsewhere.
Hi
Me and my Ex have been on and off for 4 years now! We have been through a lot but he left me 2 months ago, since then we have tried to make it work but he says he can't forget the arguments we had! He says he still loves me and he wishes it could work! We started non contact 10 days ago but he would still text me. I have now told him I've blocked him as I want to move on, do you think non contact could work?
Thanks
Yes, it will probably work.
Yes, it will probably work.
My ex broke up with me just over a month ago, and it felt like it came out of the blue. We'd been really good and had been on a romantic week away only a few weeks earlier. He's had some difficult things going on in his family and he said that he felt he couldn't allow himself to be emotionally available whilst dealing with it. The confusing thing is that he totally pursued me and his the issues he used when breaking up with me were there when we met. I'd held off in taking things to seriously to start off with as I've been messed around a lot in the past, but he told me he'd be patient (which he was), and that I was the best thing that had happened to him. I'm also the longest he's been with someone and even his sister said she'd never known him spend so long with someone.
A few days before we split he'd been a bit quieter than usual, but nothing major. Naturally I asked him to think it over, and that I could be there for him with all that he's going through. He said he felt he needed to be on his own, but that he didn't want to lose me. I explained that I'd find it difficult to be friends as I obviously still had feelings, and he said he'd find it difficult if I were to meet anyone else, but that he'd just have to be a man about it. Having talked in length we sent a couple of texts the following week but then I stopped and gave him space. I went out with friends on some nights out and then he text me.... I spoke to him over the phone and he asked me to meeting him where he worked (in a bar), that Friday. I explained I was on a night out with friends, but he said we should all go down. Gradually everyone left and we were left talking, as we walked to go home he took my hand and led me into a club where we we ended up dancing and having a great night til the early hours and the next day he text to say how much fun he'd had.
I sent a message a few days later and heard nothing back. This was over two weeks ago and we haven't spoken since (I've also been busy in a show which has been a good distraction), but then his birthday pops up! I text to say happy birthday and received a nice message back, and all I want to do is call him!
I don't know what to do. I feel as though I've been quite restrained and have been able to hold off texting, but now what? Is it too early for anything else? Is there any hope? Everyone was so shocked that we'd broken up, and he's the first person I've felt I'm myself around.
Thoughts?
Thanks
hi kevin
I was dating a guy for 5 months everything was going so well he was always showering me with compliments telling me how hot and such a good person I am and how lucky he was to have me. Anyway he sent me a big bunch of flowers and the next week he dumped me over txt message saying it was hard for him to do this ect. I happened to meet him on a night out and he stopped me to tell me how gorgeous I was and that was on my fb (he is not on fb so was on a friends page) he was txt after saying that I didn't know what was going through his head. the thing is he was in a serious relationship that ended a year before he met me because he didn't want to get married or have kids (she was 5 years older) I contacted him after 3 weeks and he was very friendly so I made the mistake of sending a txt a few days later saying asking did he want to meet up and have a chat about things he replied 24 hours later saying he knows it was hard to send the txt but he wants to be on his own for now that hes not ready for anything and he really likes me and he genuinely wants to be friends. I have a feeling he is txt'n some else at the moment. what should I do?
Start no contact for another 3-4 weeks and text him again. This time, when you ask him to meet, just say you want to catch up, instead of saying "talk about things".
Start no contact for another 3-4 weeks and text him again. This time, when you ask him to meet, just say you want to catch up, instead of saying "talk about things".
Hi Kevin,
My situation is a bit different from the other stories i read in the comments, unfortunately that's why I can't even talk about it with my friends, because a lot of them don't get it, they take my boyfriend as a normal guy.
So, my boyfriend since his childhood is hypochondriac, and he was diagnosed with anxiety, and maybe If i'm right, he takes antidepressant since 2 years.
He only warned me about this fact, - that he takes these pills - when we were going out for 1-2 months. But he said, that he has control over himself, and he's about tapering off! Slowly the act of the first few dates, i recognized, that he isn't that strong guy he wants to look like. In fact.. he cried a lot, really a lot, and was extra-sensitive sometimes.
In our relationship a special point is that we got fallen in love with each other after nearly breaking up for 3-4 times! These hard moments made us believe, we want the other one for good! In most cases i was the one who initiated the 'we should keep on'-idea, and he was always glad to hear it from me, firstly he always acted like strong and unconvincable, but then cried of the relief, that we are keeping on. But it was always my mistake, at that time i couldn't really trust him, and i showed him my true feelings only at the breakups. Then our relationship flourished, we were extremely happy with each other. He did everything to me every day he proved his love for me, i did it too.
So we were going out for 15 months , and since one and a half week, we are finally over.
Why? We two had hard times in our lives. In september, I've taken up a new 2-year-course while my university (i'm a student, 21 ; he's 27, and working) ; and he's also started one (but lasted for 2 months) while his work. Slowly we totally left our friends, and became best friends with each other. As December came by, i sometimes felt really bad about missing my friends, i often felt lonely while being at my boyfriend's place. I nearly lived with him, he often begged me to move to him, but i did not want to because of my school. So he turned to be very sensitive and convinced, that i don't love him anymore, and i don't feel myself good with him. But it was only a winter-depression, a huge amount of stress i've had. And he thought that he's not good enough. And as January came by, he got sick - and when he gets sick, he gets really anxious. He did not care about his antidepressants, and his other medications. And one weekend he increased his dose of antidepressant without asking his doctor ! At that time i did not know what i know now, that antidepressanst often have an influence on relationships. Whoever takes it can fall out of love in a day.
And that's exactly what has happened :( From day 1 to day 2, at first he proved he never want to let me go, he loves me the best in this world. Then next day he drives to me, and says he never loved me, he just acted like that, he does not want this relationship. Nobody, even his mother did not get it why did he say these things. (He lives in the same panel house with his mother, but not in the same flat, so she knew things). And what was strange, that when i spoke to him, i convinced him, that it is not true what he says! I told him we should keep on, and that i will help him in his hardships. And since January for 3 months that game was happening all the time. For a week we were fine, and WHENEVER i wasn't smiling he came again with the sentence 'Nono we should break up, i am not i love'.
When he was normal, he often said to me, that i should slap him in the face when he turns crazy and say illogical things. No, i did not do that. I always said nice things to convince him from the past and for the future what would happen if we keep on.
But it was humiliating for me. That he never really fought for me. And after a time, i got tired. When i got tired in the first few times, he begged me to keep on, because he needs me, he does not want to lose me ! but as February came by, whenever he saw me being tired, he always offered the wonderful idea of breaking up .
On the 8th of march he turned crazy again because of me saying 'you are so silent, why?'. We were planning a holiday week, and even our summer holiday. And he again said HE'S NOT IN LOVE, what should he say? He said even when he was looking like he's in love, he was NOT! WHY DON'T I GET IT. And the next moment he brought me home, and aked for my keys. I didn't want to convince him anymore. I left him without a word. He said he goes home to collect my things. After only ONE HOUR he called me on phone, and cried, that he can't collect my things, he doesn't want to leave me, he misses me, this relationship is the most precious in his life, we should meet up now. I said it's not a good idea, so he offered a 2-week break. He even admitted that his antidepressants might be a reason for his bad months. Only a week was over the break, he called me cheerfully and said, that he's fine (without me), so he collected my things and will get to me in 20 mins.................
When i came to the door while crying so loudly i saw that his face was red too of crying.
He even wanted to hug me, but i ignored it. He said he's sorry for the painful things he did, he wants to keep the contact if we both have moved on.........
NOT A WORD about 'sorry i want to cure myself before the reconciliation'..
I didn't beg, didn't say a word.. And since that day i followed the no contact rule, yesterday was an exception.
He has never been that active on facebook.. he deleted ALL the pics of us (100 photos at least), he even went to his facebook wall and deleted everything what was connected to me.. he liked photos of girls he knows i was jeleous about, he posted a lot of blog posts, wanted to show me, show everyone, that he's fine, and he is the most released person in the world. Nobody got this. Because nobody knew about his depression, only me and his mother.. He talks to noone about his feelings. I know he's now having a psycho therapy - it was my suggestion during February..
I didn't do anything on my facebook. I disappeared for him for a week. We have NEVER spent a day without getting in contact with each other! So it was extra hard for me not getting in any contact. But i knew that he will feel terrible about letting me go. I knew he made himself believe that i was the reason for his illness, and he has to experience life without me.. And then i finally got a facebook message YESTERDAY. after only a week !
The message however was not that positive. It was about feeling sorry about NOT GETTING IN CONTACT WITH ME, and DELETING of our pics, he had to do it because he felt awful when he looked at them... (Which is hilarious due to i did not show him any sadness about it) He wrote that he is totally sorry for causing me a lot of pain, it hurts him a lot. And that we should talk soon, as he wants to be friends, but not now, because it would harm the wounds............. Also he said he knows my friends will take care of me, and admitted (again, like we had a conversation before...) that we had wonderful times together (then why did he break???).
He also wrote that he WANTED TO HAVE A BETTER CLOSURE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, but circumstances made it impossible........ (like he was thinking of the closure for months, like he was never begging to keep on when i got tired of him...)
Also he wrote, that if i want to talk, he's absolutely fine with it, if it HELPS ME (to forget him? haha), so i should contact him, if i want to talk, because it's a minimum after me helping him a lot......
He also complained me how a strong woman i am, and how few people are there with such an ambition i have.............
I freaked out. At first i thought it's a sign for a REAL closure. But when i showed it to my mom, she bursted into loud laugh. She said HE IS TOTALLY MANIPULATING ME.
He got used to me begging for keeping things on, but now i disappeared and he can't get it.
But he is not that brave to write 'i miss you', instead, he writes awfully hurtful things to freak me out, to get the phone to my hands and call him to meet.
After an hour, i answered him only 'thank you, have good evening you too'. I bet he was shocked when he got that answer :)
What do you think Kevin, was my mom true? Is he really manipulating me?
I am continuing the NC, and hope to have him saying 'i want you back '.
Yes, your Mom was right. Continue no contact. Let him have his therapy and hopefully realize what he is missing in his life. I am pretty sure he will contact you again. He is not over you and I don't think he will be able to get over you any time soon. Although, you should think whether or not he is a good option for you. If he continues threatening break up even after you two get back together, it will not be worth it. Do you really think he has potential of being a good life long partner? What changes do you think he will need to make to become a good life long partner? Do you think he is capable of making those changes?
If only you and my mom were right.
Today my sister found him on EVERY dating site! ONLY 2 weeks after our break up, he's searching for new girls? I just can't believe it, it's totally not him ! it's like UFOS have taken my boyfriend...
Pls Kevin help me, i just can't figure out why he is doing this to me.
He registered on another dating site, and there was an option if someone wanted to email friends that they should register there too. And he checked it ! So i got an email from him, that he's on the dating site... I just can't believe he would do this without purpose... Yesterday it was his nameday (hungarian tradition), so i broke nc for only to write him "happy nameday" on facebook.
He wrote me back "Thank you :)", but that's it. NO "how are you"-s or anything.. it's 4 weeks now that he doesn't know anything about me.
But what hurts the most, that he kept some pictures on facebook, connected to me, such as a really cute cat he drew for my birthday. And it was still there yesterday. But today i saw he deleted it. So he is still in the deleting mode, and i don't know why! I don't want to look obsessed, but i saw today he liked a pic with the sentence "If you love her/him, you let ger/him go. If she/he loves you, she/he will come back."
HE never likes quotes like that, but now he did. And i don't know what should that mean. Because if he wants me to make a step towards him again - as he got used to -, why did he delete the cute cat today? :(
Oo Kevin, pls help me. What i built up in the past month it crashed now in a minute. Yes, i was overthinking everything. But i started feeling stronger in the past weeks.. I forgot to tell that i had a friend request by a fake facebook which i didn't accept, and in the past days i saw it is now deleted. And also he continued to post how happy he is all the time...But these just made me more stronger.
In the last message i wrote that i initiated contact after 2,5 weeks because of his nameday, he thanked, and that's it.
I waited 1 week, i initiated contact again. I wrote a nice message what beautiful places i saw, he should go there and make some photos. This was the first time that he asked me, how i am!
And i wrote what i was feeling at that moment. I was calm and happy to write him.
He wrote hooow happy he is that i'm happy and fine! - it seemed to me he wasn't really happy about that. He excepted me to beg him and cry on the phone... But it was positive!
Everything was fine. I felt better in the past week, i planned to make some more contact in the next weeks and then call him to meet up.
BUT a huge mistake i made in the past: a few days after the break up, and it made impossible to implement my plan. I wrote our common friends twice, when i panicked and felt terrible. How fool i was i believed that they keep their promise to not tell him i wrote them. And they met up yesterday.. and they told everything ! EXCEPT the last message we had, in which i told them i am feeling better.....
So i initiated a contact today, another friendly not pushy message. And my ex wrote an immensely hurtful response. That we shouldn't keep contact, he heard how messed up i am, and i am stalking his facebook ! So he thinks the best is that he will block some stuff from me, he doesn't want to hurt me... He wrote again he would be happy to be friends in the future if we both moved on, but "there is a chance this will happen and of course maybe won't happen". (i can't get what was that meaning) YOU SEE? He acts like i was never a thing in his life! Like he is not having any feelings towards me. However i started to feel myself better and stronger, and that was my facebook telling too !!!!
So i wrote him that i am sorry for making the mistake IN THE PAST for telling about my pain to our common friends. And that if it's true what he wants, then be it. If he wants to talk, he can contact me..
He wrote me immediately. Again, assuming i am lying about my betterfeeling! "Ooo don't be sorry, i am not mad at you, it's totally obvious that you ARE feeling terrible about the break up. I am happy you see that way, you will see it will be easier for you too! So have a good time in your life until we speak again!"
Am i crazy when i see again only manipulative words? Is anybody able to NOT HAVING any feelings for a partner whom with they slept all night, and with they spoke to all day and night?
I didn't beg him, didn't cry, but i get those humiliating words what those people get who can't be calm in the situation....
Hey Aniko,
He does have feelings for you as well. In his mind, he is just trying to help you move on by saying these things. He cares about you and he thinks you are hurt and this is his way of helping you with the hurt. Yes, what he is saying is manipulative to an extent.
You should start no contact again and this time keep it for two months before contacting him again.
Hey Aniko,
He does have feelings for you as well. In his mind, he is just trying to help you move on by saying these things. He cares about you and he thinks you are hurt and this is his way of helping you with the hurt. Yes, what he is saying is manipulative to an extent.
You should start no contact again and this time keep it for two months before contacting him again.
Hey Aniko,
He does have feelings for you as well. In his mind, he is just trying to help you move on by saying these things. He cares about you and he thinks you are hurt and this is his way of helping you with the hurt. Yes, what he is saying is manipulative to an extent.
You should start no contact again and this time keep it for two months before contacting him again.
Hey Aniko,
He does have feelings for you as well. In his mind, he is just trying to help you move on by saying these things. He cares about you and he thinks you are hurt and this is his way of helping you with the hurt. Yes, what he is saying is manipulative to an extent.
You should start no contact again and this time keep it for two months before contacting him again.
Hey Aniko,
He does have feelings for you as well. In his mind, he is just trying to help you move on by saying these things. He cares about you and he thinks you are hurt and this is his way of helping you with the hurt. Yes, what he is saying is manipulative to an extent.
You should start no contact again and this time keep it for two months before contacting him again.
Hey Aniko,
He does have feelings for you as well. In his mind, he is just trying to help you move on by saying these things. He cares about you and he thinks you are hurt and this is his way of helping you with the hurt. Yes, what he is saying is manipulative to an extent.
You should start no contact again and this time keep it for two months before contacting him again.
You are overthinking everything. Stop obsessing over his facebook action. Trying to figure out why he does something is only going to drive you crazy.
Oo Kevin, pls help me. What i built up in the past month it crashed now in a minute. Yes, i was overthinking everything. But i started feeling stronger in the past weeks.. I forgot to tell that i had a friend request by a fake facebook which i didn't accept, and in the past days i saw it is now deleted. And also he continued to post how happy he is all the time...But these just made me more stronger.
In the last message i wrote that i initiated contact after 2,5 weeks because of his nameday, he thanked, and that's it.
I waited 1 week, i initiated contact again. I wrote a nice message what beautiful places i saw, he should go there and make some photos. This was the first time that he asked me, how i am!
And i wrote what i was feeling at that moment. I was calm and happy to write him.
He wrote hooow happy he is that i'm happy and fine! - it seemed to me he wasn't really happy about that. He excepted me to beg him and cry on the phone... But it was positive!
Everything was fine. I felt better in the past week, i planned to make some more contact in the next weeks and then call him to meet up.
BUT a huge mistake i made in the past: a few days after the break up, and it made impossible to implement my plan. I wrote our common friends twice, when i panicked and felt terrible. How fool i was i believed that they keep their promise to not tell him i wrote them. And they met up yesterday.. and they told everything ! EXCEPT the last message we had, in which i told them i am feeling better.....
So i initiated a contact today, another friendly not pushy message. And my ex wrote an immensely hurtful response. That we shouldn't keep contact, he heard how messed up i am, and i am stalking his facebook ! So he thinks the best is that he will block some stuff from me, he doesn't want to hurt me... He wrote again he would be happy to be friends in the future if we both moved on, but "there is a chance this will happen and of course maybe won't happen". (i can't get what was that meaning) YOU SEE? He acts like i was never a thing in his life! Like he is not having any feelings towards me. However i started to feel myself better and stronger, and that was my facebook telling too !!!!
So i wrote him that i am sorry for making the mistake IN THE PAST for telling about my pain to our common friends. And that if it's true what he wants, then be it. If he wants to talk, he can contact me..
He wrote me immediately. Again, assuming i am lying about my betterfeeling! "Ooo don't be sorry, i am not mad at you, it's totally obvious that you ARE feeling terrible about the break up. I am happy you see that way, you will see it will be easier for you too! So have a good time in your life until we speak again!"
Am i crazy when i see again only manipulative words? Is anybody able to NOT HAVING any feelings for a partner whom with they slept all night, and with they spoke to all day and night?
I didn't beg him, didn't cry, but i get those humiliating words what those people get who can't be calm in the situation....
You are overthinking everything. Stop obsessing over his facebook action. Trying to figure out why he does something is only going to drive you crazy.
Oo Kevin, pls help me. What i built up in the past month it crashed now in a minute. Yes, i was overthinking everything. But i started feeling stronger in the past weeks.. I forgot to tell that i had a friend request by a fake facebook which i didn't accept, and in the past days i saw it is now deleted. And also he continued to post how happy he is all the time...But these just made me more stronger.
In the last message i wrote that i initiated contact after 2,5 weeks because of his nameday, he thanked, and that's it.
I waited 1 week, i initiated contact again. I wrote a nice message what beautiful places i saw, he should go there and make some photos. This was the first time that he asked me, how i am!
And i wrote what i was feeling at that moment. I was calm and happy to write him.
He wrote hooow happy he is that i'm happy and fine! - it seemed to me he wasn't really happy about that. He excepted me to beg him and cry on the phone... But it was positive!
Everything was fine. I felt better in the past week, i planned to make some more contact in the next weeks and then call him to meet up.
BUT a huge mistake i made in the past: a few days after the break up, and it made impossible to implement my plan. I wrote our common friends twice, when i panicked and felt terrible. How fool i was i believed that they keep their promise to not tell him i wrote them. And they met up yesterday.. and they told everything ! EXCEPT the last message we had, in which i told them i am feeling better.....
So i initiated a contact today, another friendly not pushy message. And my ex wrote an immensely hurtful response. That we shouldn't keep contact, he heard how messed up i am, and i am stalking his facebook ! So he thinks the best is that he will block some stuff from me, he doesn't want to hurt me... He wrote again he would be happy to be friends in the future if we both moved on, but "there is a chance this will happen and of course maybe won't happen". (i can't get what was that meaning) YOU SEE? He acts like i was never a thing in his life! Like he is not having any feelings towards me. However i started to feel myself better and stronger, and that was my facebook telling too !!!!
So i wrote him that i am sorry for making the mistake IN THE PAST for telling about my pain to our common friends. And that if it's true what he wants, then be it. If he wants to talk, he can contact me..
He wrote me immediately. Again, assuming i am lying about my betterfeeling! "Ooo don't be sorry, i am not mad at you, it's totally obvious that you ARE feeling terrible about the break up. I am happy you see that way, you will see it will be easier for you too! So have a good time in your life until we speak again!"
Am i crazy when i see again only manipulative words? Is anybody able to NOT HAVING any feelings for a partner whom with they slept all night, and with they spoke to all day and night?
I didn't beg him, didn't cry, but i get those humiliating words what those people get who can't be calm in the situation....
You are overthinking everything. Stop obsessing over his facebook action. Trying to figure out why he does something is only going to drive you crazy.
Oo Kevin, pls help me. What i built up in the past month it crashed now in a minute. Yes, i was overthinking everything. But i started feeling stronger in the past weeks.. I forgot to tell that i had a friend request by a fake facebook which i didn't accept, and in the past days i saw it is now deleted. And also he continued to post how happy he is all the time...But these just made me more stronger.
In the last message i wrote that i initiated contact after 2,5 weeks because of his nameday, he thanked, and that's it.
I waited 1 week, i initiated contact again. I wrote a nice message what beautiful places i saw, he should go there and make some photos. This was the first time that he asked me, how i am!
And i wrote what i was feeling at that moment. I was calm and happy to write him.
He wrote hooow happy he is that i'm happy and fine! - it seemed to me he wasn't really happy about that. He excepted me to beg him and cry on the phone... But it was positive!
Everything was fine. I felt better in the past week, i planned to make some more contact in the next weeks and then call him to meet up.
BUT a huge mistake i made in the past: a few days after the break up, and it made impossible to implement my plan. I wrote our common friends twice, when i panicked and felt terrible. How fool i was i believed that they keep their promise to not tell him i wrote them. And they met up yesterday.. and they told everything ! EXCEPT the last message we had, in which i told them i am feeling better.....
So i initiated a contact today, another friendly not pushy message. And my ex wrote an immensely hurtful response. That we shouldn't keep contact, he heard how messed up i am, and i am stalking his facebook ! So he thinks the best is that he will block some stuff from me, he doesn't want to hurt me... He wrote again he would be happy to be friends in the future if we both moved on, but "there is a chance this will happen and of course maybe won't happen". (i can't get what was that meaning) YOU SEE? He acts like i was never a thing in his life! Like he is not having any feelings towards me. However i started to feel myself better and stronger, and that was my facebook telling too !!!!
So i wrote him that i am sorry for making the mistake IN THE PAST for telling about my pain to our common friends. And that if it's true what he wants, then be it. If he wants to talk, he can contact me..
He wrote me immediately. Again, assuming i am lying about my betterfeeling! "Ooo don't be sorry, i am not mad at you, it's totally obvious that you ARE feeling terrible about the break up. I am happy you see that way, you will see it will be easier for you too! So have a good time in your life until we speak again!"
Am i crazy when i see again only manipulative words? Is anybody able to NOT HAVING any feelings for a partner whom with they slept all night, and with they spoke to all day and night?
I didn't beg him, didn't cry, but i get those humiliating words what those people get who can't be calm in the situation....
You are overthinking everything. Stop obsessing over his facebook action. Trying to figure out why he does something is only going to drive you crazy.
Oo Kevin, pls help me. What i built up in the past month it crashed now in a minute. Yes, i was overthinking everything. But i started feeling stronger in the past weeks.. I forgot to tell that i had a friend request by a fake facebook which i didn't accept, and in the past days i saw it is now deleted. And also he continued to post how happy he is all the time...But these just made me more stronger.
In the last message i wrote that i initiated contact after 2,5 weeks because of his nameday, he thanked, and that's it.
I waited 1 week, i initiated contact again. I wrote a nice message what beautiful places i saw, he should go there and make some photos. This was the first time that he asked me, how i am!
And i wrote what i was feeling at that moment. I was calm and happy to write him.
He wrote hooow happy he is that i'm happy and fine! - it seemed to me he wasn't really happy about that. He excepted me to beg him and cry on the phone... But it was positive!
Everything was fine. I felt better in the past week, i planned to make some more contact in the next weeks and then call him to meet up.
BUT a huge mistake i made in the past: a few days after the break up, and it made impossible to implement my plan. I wrote our common friends twice, when i panicked and felt terrible. How fool i was i believed that they keep their promise to not tell him i wrote them. And they met up yesterday.. and they told everything ! EXCEPT the last message we had, in which i told them i am feeling better.....
So i initiated a contact today, another friendly not pushy message. And my ex wrote an immensely hurtful response. That we shouldn't keep contact, he heard how messed up i am, and i am stalking his facebook ! So he thinks the best is that he will block some stuff from me, he doesn't want to hurt me... He wrote again he would be happy to be friends in the future if we both moved on, but "there is a chance this will happen and of course maybe won't happen". (i can't get what was that meaning) YOU SEE? He acts like i was never a thing in his life! Like he is not having any feelings towards me. However i started to feel myself better and stronger, and that was my facebook telling too !!!!
So i wrote him that i am sorry for making the mistake IN THE PAST for telling about my pain to our common friends. And that if it's true what he wants, then be it. If he wants to talk, he can contact me..
He wrote me immediately. Again, assuming i am lying about my betterfeeling! "Ooo don't be sorry, i am not mad at you, it's totally obvious that you ARE feeling terrible about the break up. I am happy you see that way, you will see it will be easier for you too! So have a good time in your life until we speak again!"
Am i crazy when i see again only manipulative words? Is anybody able to NOT HAVING any feelings for a partner whom with they slept all night, and with they spoke to all day and night?
I didn't beg him, didn't cry, but i get those humiliating words what those people get who can't be calm in the situation....
You are overthinking everything. Stop obsessing over his facebook action. Trying to figure out why he does something is only going to drive you crazy.
Pls Kevin help me, i just can't figure out why he is doing this to me.
He registered on another dating site, and there was an option if someone wanted to email friends that they should register there too. And he checked it ! So i got an email from him, that he's on the dating site... I just can't believe he would do this without purpose... Yesterday it was his nameday (hungarian tradition), so i broke nc for only to write him "happy nameday" on facebook.
He wrote me back "Thank you :)", but that's it. NO "how are you"-s or anything.. it's 4 weeks now that he doesn't know anything about me.
But what hurts the most, that he kept some pictures on facebook, connected to me, such as a really cute cat he drew for my birthday. And it was still there yesterday. But today i saw he deleted it. So he is still in the deleting mode, and i don't know why! I don't want to look obsessed, but i saw today he liked a pic with the sentence "If you love her/him, you let ger/him go. If she/he loves you, she/he will come back."
HE never likes quotes like that, but now he did. And i don't know what should that mean. Because if he wants me to make a step towards him again - as he got used to -, why did he delete the cute cat today? :(
Pls Kevin help me, i just can't figure out why he is doing this to me.
He registered on another dating site, and there was an option if someone wanted to email friends that they should register there too. And he checked it ! So i got an email from him, that he's on the dating site... I just can't believe he would do this without purpose... Yesterday it was his nameday (hungarian tradition), so i broke nc for only to write him "happy nameday" on facebook.
He wrote me back "Thank you :)", but that's it. NO "how are you"-s or anything.. it's 4 weeks now that he doesn't know anything about me.
But what hurts the most, that he kept some pictures on facebook, connected to me, such as a really cute cat he drew for my birthday. And it was still there yesterday. But today i saw he deleted it. So he is still in the deleting mode, and i don't know why! I don't want to look obsessed, but i saw today he liked a pic with the sentence "If you love her/him, you let ger/him go. If she/he loves you, she/he will come back."
HE never likes quotes like that, but now he did. And i don't know what should that mean. Because if he wants me to make a step towards him again - as he got used to -, why did he delete the cute cat today? :(
Pls Kevin help me, i just can't figure out why he is doing this to me.
He registered on another dating site, and there was an option if someone wanted to email friends that they should register there too. And he checked it ! So i got an email from him, that he's on the dating site... I just can't believe he would do this without purpose... Yesterday it was his nameday (hungarian tradition), so i broke nc for only to write him "happy nameday" on facebook.
He wrote me back "Thank you :)", but that's it. NO "how are you"-s or anything.. it's 4 weeks now that he doesn't know anything about me.
But what hurts the most, that he kept some pictures on facebook, connected to me, such as a really cute cat he drew for my birthday. And it was still there yesterday. But today i saw he deleted it. So he is still in the deleting mode, and i don't know why! I don't want to look obsessed, but i saw today he liked a pic with the sentence "If you love her/him, you let ger/him go. If she/he loves you, she/he will come back."
HE never likes quotes like that, but now he did. And i don't know what should that mean. Because if he wants me to make a step towards him again - as he got used to -, why did he delete the cute cat today? :(
If only you and my mom were right.
Today my sister found him on EVERY dating site! ONLY 2 weeks after our break up, he's searching for new girls? I just can't believe it, it's totally not him ! it's like UFOS have taken my boyfriend...
If only you and my mom were right.
Today my sister found him on EVERY dating site! ONLY 2 weeks after our break up, he's searching for new girls? I just can't believe it, it's totally not him ! it's like UFOS have taken my boyfriend...
Yes, your Mom was right. Continue no contact. Let him have his therapy and hopefully realize what he is missing in his life. I am pretty sure he will contact you again. He is not over you and I don't think he will be able to get over you any time soon. Although, you should think whether or not he is a good option for you. If he continues threatening break up even after you two get back together, it will not be worth it. Do you really think he has potential of being a good life long partner? What changes do you think he will need to make to become a good life long partner? Do you think he is capable of making those changes?
What do you do if your ex is someone you work with? Im fully committed to the plan, but unfortunately I bump into her 3-4 times a day.
Treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. No personal talk. No conversation for more than 5 minutes. Only talk if it's absolutely necessary.
Treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. No personal talk. No conversation for more than 5 minutes. Only talk if it's absolutely necessary.
I have tried the no contact thing for a full week and i have done it strictly...however he hasnt tried to contact me at all...somehow i feel that his no contact towards me is a sign that he is moving on and doesnt care about me me nemore...i see that he changes his profile picture often to show whats he is doin and stuff... is it that because he isnt hearng from me that he has moved on and forgetten about me?I am feeling hopeless...
It doesn't really mean he has forgotten about you. It could be he is not calling you out of ego or perhaps, he read about the no contact rule and he is applying it himself.
It doesn't really mean he has forgotten about you. It could be he is not calling you out of ego or perhaps, he read about the no contact rule and he is applying it himself.
Kevin....my ex broke up with me a few days before our 10 month anniversary. This surprised the hell out of me and came out of left field. We were perfect together, we never had one fight, an argument or two yea, but nothing that caused us to stay mad at each other..everything was going perfect. She told me I was an amazing bf and I was the most thoughtful and patient person she'd ever meet. Her reasoning for breaking up with me was that she's always wanted to be a mom since she was little, but now she's 25 and it's no longer a dream and it could actually happen now and she got freaked out when she thought about it. She said she barley knows who she is and there's a lot she needs to do before she commits herself to another person. She said her feelings were truly genuine, but she realized she was rushing it for the wrong reasons and doesn't think her feelings would have progressed the way they would've if she wasn't so concern with marriage.
I told her I understand what she's saying but once she experiences things on her own she's going to see how perfect we were together and how no one can treat her as well as I did. She said that might very well be the case but it's one of those things she won't know until she sees it herself. That she has to be selfish right now before she commits to someone. Said we both need to go out and not be afraid to date other people. She said she has no plans to start dating anytime soon, but when she does, it might lead her back to me. Left saying she really believes that if it's meant to be, it'll be.
What's your advice? We gave each other back all of stuff today and it was the first time I spoke with her since last Tuesday. I'm already going to give her the time and space she needs, but I want to make sure I'm still on her mind. I was thinking of sending her something like every other week.
What are your thoughts Kevin? I'm willing to do anything I need to do. Thanks!
It'll be better to give her a couple of months of no contact (possibly even more) and then contact her. If you try to stay in touch once every week, it's going to make you look needy and it's going to make her less attracted to you.
It'll be better to give her a couple of months of no contact (possibly even more) and then contact her. If you try to stay in touch once every week, it's going to make you look needy and it's going to make her less attracted to you.
Hey! So, my ex and I were together for 5 years and 8 months. We broke up 7 months ago. He's been on dates and has even slept with someone else and I've basically spent the last 7 months pining for him. (btw, we continued a sexual relationship until December and he slept with the girl after I ended that). I had previously tried no contact but it lasted 3 weeks before he began calling&texting me for 3 days straight. I got my hopes up only to have them crushed again. Anyway, we met up last week and that's when I had the bright idea to ask if he'd slept with anyone else and at first he didn't want to tell me but eventually he did, and I felt like we had broken up all over again. Later that night he emailed me that he still cares deeply about me and that he never knew how to say it but he's sorry he left and that he feels like he betrayed me and us. I told him that he doesn't have to be sorry because I wasn't lying when I told him that all I want for him is for him to be happy and if leaving me was necessary for his happiness then that's something I have to deal with and that he should never let anyone get in the way of his happiness. And then, a couple days later I went to a friend's house not expecting him to show up (he hated being cooped up when it's nice weather outside) but he ended up coming anyway and when he tried to hug me I just shook my head no and tried to ignore him the rest of the time and I could tell he noticed but twice he spoke directly to me.
I am going to give no contact a go again without giving myself a time limit (basically, whenever I feel that I am over him I'll contact him) but I wanted to know if you think it could bring him back to me. I just really need the opinion of someone who doesn't know either of us. Thank you.
I'm on day 9 of the 30 day NC and I'm still missing my ex. My question is if after 30 days of no contact (and I've done other things like dating etc) and I still miss my ex, should I contact her, or should I wait longer until I no longer miss her?
You should contact her. However, if you are still obsessing over her and you still feel like you need her in your life to be happy, you should wait longer.
You should contact her. However, if you are still obsessing over her and you still feel like you need her in your life to be happy, you should wait longer.
Dear kevin
So this is my situation. I started talking with a girl in septembre for about 2 months. It was really intimate and it was kind of love. And she asked me to go out with her but i refused because i was scared. But she told me that she loved me and that she cared about me. She even told me even after refusing that she wants me. And still i refused. And so to forget about me, she started dating someone. It's a long distance relationship which she didnt tell me about it until i asked her out to go out for a lunch with me for valentines day. And that drived me crazy but i didnt show any of emotions. She asked me why i waited this long and i told her that i was scared. After that i disappeared from her house for 2 weeks then i came back. But we didnt talk or anything like that until one day i started texting her. She told me that i she broke up with her boyfriend because he was ignoring her. I said ok so i started talking to her again for about two weeks. I took her to the parc, to some nice places... and so this time i asked her out. But she responded "let me think about it". And the reason why is that her boyfriend started talking to her again. So she said to me that it wouldnt be fair to the guy since he didnt do anything to me to break up with him. And so we brokeup. And the next day i went to her house and there were a lot of our friends. I saw her face and looked like she was hurt and it was really awkward between us.
What should i do to get her back because i really want to be with her.
Please help me.
Stay in touch with her. Don't force her and keep meeting her and having fun with her. I'll not recommend no contact since you two were never technically dating and you never really broke up.
Stay in touch with her. Don't force her and keep meeting her and having fun with her. I'll not recommend no contact since you two were never technically dating and you never really broke up.
At this point he is asking for distance and unsure if he even wants to be friends or if we can be friends. He told me he only has a grain of sand of hope left for us in an ocean. That was really painful to hear. He also said he thought he liked me last week but now doesn't think he does. I gave him some distance and he came to the conclusion that he doesn't think he wants to get back together, I'm afraid anymore distance and he will 100% not want us, he already told me that we are not going to get back together.
When you said there was hope did you mean it was miniscule too?
He's starting to seem more sure of his choice and that hes already in one month moving on from a serious two year relationship. Is there only a grain of hope, how can I help him have hope and regain those feelings of attraction. I've tried dressing up and looking happy and told him I have made changes, but nothing since a week ago.
Well, you need to approach him from a different angle. If you tell him you want to get back together, he is going to put his defenses up and is going to tell you that there is very less chance of reconciliation. Tell him you agree with the breakup and it was probably for the best. And then start hanging out with him as friends and go out with him as often as you can.
Well, you need to approach him from a different angle. If you tell him you want to get back together, he is going to put his defenses up and is going to tell you that there is very less chance of reconciliation. Tell him you agree with the breakup and it was probably for the best. And then start hanging out with him as friends and go out with him as often as you can.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up approx 4 and 1/2 months ago, we were together for over 5 years. I was the one who broke up with her and she took the break up very very hard and was emotionally devastated. It's a complicated situation and I didn't want to end the relationship but I had no choice as it needed to be uncomplicated. Anyway, about 3 months into the breakup she started dating a new guy and they are in a full on relationship, talking about marriage and so on. Within 3 months she went from "I love you and want to marry you" then this guy comes along and in one night she was telling me I ruined her life and am a horrible person. It was really hard to hear her lash out and distort me and our relationship to say the least. Ever since she's been dating this guy she's been posting pics on various social media and adding comments indicating that they are in love and he's dreamy blah blah blah... Also, she blocked me on FB when they started dating and then unblocked me. The day after she unblocked me her their statuses changed to "in a relationship". It is also my understanding that he is fresh out of a long term relationship so they may both be rebounding. If that's the case, could this make the relationship more or less successful? Also, does this sound like a rebound and what should I do at this point? Thank you.
Yes, it does sound a rebound. If both of them are on a rebound, the chances of relationship surviving are no more than if only one of them is on a rebound. You should leave her be for another one month and then contact her using one of the methods in the 5 step plan.
Yes, it does sound a rebound. If both of them are on a rebound, the chances of relationship surviving are no more than if only one of them is on a rebound. You should leave her be for another one month and then contact her using one of the methods in the 5 step plan.
My situation is really bad, and admittedly it will be almost impossible to get back, but I would like your input, hope :)
I'd been seeing him for 8 months nothing serious and nothing committal. he decided to end it because he wants to see other women and be a single man, we had a huge fight, I did all of the mistakes you mentioned...a lot! the end was that he blocked me off his fb and phone and I cannot contact me, he wants nothing to do with me. We both said some nasty things, I acted crazy, but I don't think I'm a crazy person: these things are action-reaction, you don't just wake up one day and be a crazy woman/man.
In any case, at this point I only want to start talking with him again, and start being friends or friendly, and not hating each other. I do have some weight to lose, and that might help. We are on a different page but I do love him and the thought that he hates me and thinks that I'm the worst woman in the world is too painful.
What do you think? Right now i'm giving him a lot of space, no run-ins (we work together) at all.
Thank you!
He is just angry and I don't think it's completely hopeless. You are doing the right thing. His anger will subside slowly and he will forget about the negativity of the breakup and start remembering the good times you had together.
He is just angry and I don't think it's completely hopeless. You are doing the right thing. His anger will subside slowly and he will forget about the negativity of the breakup and start remembering the good times you had together.
Hi. I need advice. I was dating a guy for three months and it got very hot and heavy real fast. We talked about marriage, moving in together and growing old together even. I have a tendency to be mean to people that are trying to get close to me as a defense mechanism and I tried pushing him away multiple times. Recently tho, we got in an argument, I went out with friends and got drunk and then since I was being ignored called and left inappropriate mean messages that I couldn't recall. I was then ignored for almost two days and got a message saying I would like to come by and talk. He came over and told me he loved me to death but pieces of him can't stand me. That he knows we are perfect for each other but he can't and will not be in turmoil about how he feels. He even let out a tear for the first time. Two days later I got a message from him at around 1030 pm saying that his life feels empty without me and he knows time heels all and said that even though he misses me,he knows he is in charge of his happiness. After that he said he had to go to bed b/c he was exhausted and I remember writing him during those messages telling him how sorry i was. The next night, I was having a few girls sleep over and I ended up getting a message saying "hey...i'm a jerk.. i wanted to see you..just see you b/c i missed you so much..but it sounds like you are having a party over..sorry"..i wrote back "no come" and he said "i'm already here..i feel like an ass..embarrassed." Anyways I ran out and got him. hugged him, he held my face and told me how beautiful i was and how much he missed me. he told me he had a dream with his brother and me in it and thats the reason he is here. His brother passed away about 6 years ago and in three days it would've been his 29th birthday. Anyways the girls and him hung out and we semi flirted and he entertained my friends which he's met before. Around 2 am, I told them I'm was going to steal him and we went to my room. He wouldn't kiss me earlier but we did end up kissing and one thing let to another and you get the picture. During the night he told me his family (meaning his two best friends) are going to be hard on us. He said they don't understand us and honestly if it's going to ruin our friendship then they obviously weren't that great of friends to begin with and that he had gotten in a tiff with one of his friends earlier that night b/c he was annoyed that he never supports his decisions and he always is supportive to his friend. He told me that he told him it was his life and he's the one that has to live with his decisions not his friend. Anyways he got up early for work and left but before leaving he came over and held my face, told me time heals all and that he loves me. I told him I wasn't going anywhere and he told me he would be waiting. When I woke up I messaged him and told him thank you for coming over last night, you made my day, and that i truly truly love you. he told me he loved me and that he had a great night and hope i have a great day and then i told him i hope you do too. Later that night a few of us were going to see a movie he wanted to see. I invited him and he told me he was at dinner and that he wanted to have a low key night b/c he was beyond exhausted. I told him that I wouldn't mind having a low key night too b/c I had to work the next two days (sat and sunday) and i know we hadn't really gotten to talk last night. he told me he was just going to go home but he really did appreciate the invite but he doesn't want to rush back into anything and he hopes i understand. two hours later he called me and of course i was in the movie. he told me he was about to head to bed and that i should message him when i get out of work tomrrow and we can talk then. I messaged him after work the next day and then called him too. I haven't heard anything from him and its been over 48 hours. Today is his brothers birthday and I haven't messaged him either. I don't understand it. He knows I love him, I told him when we were breaking up that I felt like our souls were meant to be together and he said felt the same way. We had talked about that before, we had discussed many future plans together. I'm not sure if he just doesn't understand what he wants so thats why hes ignoring me, or he just doesn't care or maybe he met someone. I believe he is a standup guy who doesn't play games. I felt, for once in my life, that I could truly trust him. Could his friends convinced him I wasn't worth it? what is your take on all this.
It's too soon to tell. My guess is as good as yours. Give him a couple of weeks and if he doesn't contact you by then, you give him a call.
It's too soon to tell. My guess is as good as yours. Give him a couple of weeks and if he doesn't contact you by then, you give him a call.
Hi Kevin,
My partner of 4 years broke up with me 4 months back and I have been struggling to recover from the shock. I have to admit that I committed all of the deadly mistakes! I stumbled up on your site and am now following the No Contact rule. Its just been 3 days now, but I do feel that I am in control. But I find myself thinking about him and get a little sad about the whole situation. I am making all positive changes in my life, taking up yoga, running, salsa and focusing on my career. Do you have any advice on what to do during the No Contact period if I find myself thinking too much about my ex? Any help will be appreciated :) thank you again!
Hey Ambica,
It's completely normal for you to think about your ex. How about this, give yourself a time during the day to obsess about him. Say one or two hours. Think about him as much as you can. When the time is over, get back to being happy and concentrating on yourself. You are doing great. All the best.
Hey Ambica,
It's completely normal for you to think about your ex. How about this, give yourself a time during the day to obsess about him. Say one or two hours. Think about him as much as you can. When the time is over, get back to being happy and concentrating on yourself. You are doing great. All the best.
Hi there, my ex broke up with me at the beginning of this year, I havent been coping to well with it and we've had very minimal contact over 3 months, I being the one doing most of the contacting. I have sent emails, txt messages, tried calling and he barely replies but when we do talk, he still says to me "you know I love you but I don't know if we should be together" During our time together, I had 2 abortions and and miscarriage 5 months ago and we've been dealing with ALOT of emotional grief but yet still had kept trying to stay together. I;ve tried to do no contact but I ALWAYS give in and end up contacting him. Do you think we still have a chance of getting back together if I be strong and stick to no contacting for 30 days? We were together for 4 years, this wouldve been our 5th year in 2014. I appreciate the advice from this website very much, thank you :)
Kevin,
I followed your plan throughout 30 days and I recently sent her a letter accepting the breakup and apologizing, along with so experiences I've had. (Like the guide) I later got a reply via text-message saying "I forgive you. Just let it go." I responded saying on how I wanted to let go, but wanted to be on good terms, and friends. She replied "Okay thanks (:" I didn't reply because i had nothing to say. This morning I was in a good mood and texted her "Have a great day (:" only to get a lackluster response of "Likewise." I don't know what's going on. I feel she is still mad and moving on is the best idea, however if there is a chance, I'd like to be with her again.
You can try again with one of the texts mentioned in the article in a few weeks.
You can try again with one of the texts mentioned in the article in a few weeks.
Hi There - I could really use some specific advice. Seven years ago, I met and experienced "love at first sight" with "J". He felt the same. I did not live in the same city, and while we had one AMAZING date, by the time I moved to the city, he had started dating someone else. He dated her for five years, and we remained friends. About two years ago, he showed up at my doorstep, saying he was in love with me, had been discussing with his therapist why his current relationship wasn't working, and he'd realized it had been me all long. I told him to sort out his current situation before coming back, and sent him away. He did, moved out and broke up with her, and we started dating withing two months.
Needless to say, he had a hard time actually letting go of her once they broke up. They were still in relatively close contact. I did not disallow it, but I did make it clear that if they were going to remain friend, she had to meet and integrate with me. Of course, she never would. He allowed this because "we had to respect her feelings". They went through periods of no contact, and she did know he was dating me, but they shared cats and always got back in touch. This caused a lot of fights between he and I, because I felt he was putting her feelings before mine. Over time, I became very triggered whenever I felt he was putting anyone's feelings before mine (almost always involved her, but sometimes not as I was on high alert after chronically feeling like he wasn't always on "my team"). He did shift over about a year, but at that point, the damage was pretty done and we fought about every 1-3 weeks over something, nothing...great, amazing times in between, but always a fight.
Recently, he broke up with me, saying he just couldnt see a way to end the fighting. He is still in contact with his ex and I am worried they will get back together.
He said over the course of our relationship that he had a connection with me he never had with her, more intimacy, better sex, more potential. However, he also said that things were easy with her and they were never easy with me -- that distance made him appreciate her more and that she was simply "sweet" and "insecure, needed him" while I was "strong" and "independent". Basically, he loves us both.
I'm wondering if this is a lost cause and I should just accept that he will end up back with her and I lost him due to my nitpicking -- and she won due to her refusal to accept me and passive aggressive competition over the last year and half. Since they still share cats and a whole group of friends, and he never integrated with my friends, it would be easy for him to go back -- first "as friends" of course, but over time, we all know what she wants out of this. She never gave up waiting and hoping, accepted anything, and remained " sweet". I, on the other had, was demanding. However, his connection with me was/is stronger on an intellectual, spiritual, and sexual level.
Is there a chance for us again, or do I need to let him go? I have read your plan, and she basically followed it during their break up and afterward. I know I have to get my life together before seeing/hearing from him again (when he broke up with me, I told him I needed space to get over him and could't have him in my life right now -- that I wasn't "her" (whoops).) He said, as he broke up with me, that he still wanted to be with me, still loved me, but that he simply couldn't take the fighting, and it had to be this way. I know he also tells her he still loves her, but can't be with her because they are not a good match/he needs someone he has a more dynamic connection with (which was me).
Seven years ago, the moment I met him I was sure he was The One. We were really happy even just two weeks ago -- I do know he still loves me and is sad over the break up.
I could really use some advice on this complex situation. I do want to be with him. I do love him deeply.
Yes, there is a chance for you to get him back. Since she followed the plan, you should do the same. Your chances are pretty good in my opinion.
Yes, there is a chance for you to get him back. Since she followed the plan, you should do the same. Your chances are pretty good in my opinion.
Hi Kevin,
So my girlfriend had broken up with me after chasing me a lot and i had realized the part where i was wrong and i said sorry for it and chased her too. I apologized in every single way and did everything. The problem was that she treated me very badly during this time, one day she would say that she missed me and would like to meet next day she would say why do you even wanna meet me don't ever talk to me so and so this happened for like a month and i got really frustrated with this behavior, so one day she said bye its over i did not respond at all the next day she said she wanna meet me i did not respond too because she already did this many times she would ask me to meet i would go but when i asked the same she would deny it. Its been just a day since then. I want things to be sorted because we are going to be in college and don't have more than 2 months left. If i text her now asking to meet she will surely deny, i know i had made a mistake but i she behaved way too weirdly.
Kevin,
My boyfriend And I were together for 9 months and he recently just broke up with me after saying that I was a mental distraction to him! He is preparing for the NFL draft! He broke up with me and cut me off! We were together for 9 months! I'm n shock because he told me that we would be together no matter what! I feel used and now since he is preparing for the draft, he doesn't need me anymore! I've been texting him and he responds with 1 word or is very dry! When he gets bored he may text with a little conversation! I am very hurt right now! He told me that he needed to get himself together but I see him all on the social media going out and having fun! What shall I do? The day before he broke up with me he told me that he loved me! I'm not understanding!
Follow the advise in the article. Unfriend him from social media. It's going to defeat the purpose of no contact if he keeps on popping up on your social media accounts.
Kevin,
I am not friends with him on any social media. Every now and then I would look at his facebook but his instagram is private. I am just having a hard time with him cutting me off and replying back 1 word. I texted him good luck yesterday on his pro day and that was it. he did reply back with "Thanks, those words mean alot to me. I will do my best" and that is all he said. I did reply back with, "you mean the world to me and your happiness playing football exceeds everything." He did not reply back. So today I plan to follow the 30 day NC Rule. I still think about him but not as much like last week. Each week gets better. What shall I do now?
Continue with no contact. What you are going through is extremely common. But if you follow the plan, you will start feeling better.
Kevin,
I have been following the plan. My whole thing is that next month is the NFL Draft. I know once he makes it he will forget about me. What do I do here? He has been trying to contact me like 3x but I am following the NC Rule. I think he contacted me because he was in the area. Im still at awe and is still thinking about him all day every day.
Kesha,
If you think he will forget you when he makes it, do you really want to be with him? Do you think he will stay with you if you somehow got back together before he is selected? Anyways, contact him a week or two before draft and try to meet up.
Kesha,
If you think he will forget you when he makes it, do you really want to be with him? Do you think he will stay with you if you somehow got back together before he is selected? Anyways, contact him a week or two before draft and try to meet up.
Kesha,
If you think he will forget you when he makes it, do you really want to be with him? Do you think he will stay with you if you somehow got back together before he is selected? Anyways, contact him a week or two before draft and try to meet up.
Kesha,
If you think he will forget you when he makes it, do you really want to be with him? Do you think he will stay with you if you somehow got back together before he is selected? Anyways, contact him a week or two before draft and try to meet up.
Kesha,
If you think he will forget you when he makes it, do you really want to be with him? Do you think he will stay with you if you somehow got back together before he is selected? Anyways, contact him a week or two before draft and try to meet up.
Kesha,
If you think he will forget you when he makes it, do you really want to be with him? Do you think he will stay with you if you somehow got back together before he is selected? Anyways, contact him a week or two before draft and try to meet up.
Kevin,
I have been following the plan. My whole thing is that next month is the NFL Draft. I know once he makes it he will forget about me. What do I do here? He has been trying to contact me like 3x but I am following the NC Rule. I think he contacted me because he was in the area. Im still at awe and is still thinking about him all day every day.
Kevin,
I have been following the plan. My whole thing is that next month is the NFL Draft. I know once he makes it he will forget about me. What do I do here? He has been trying to contact me like 3x but I am following the NC Rule. I think he contacted me because he was in the area. Im still at awe and is still thinking about him all day every day.
Kevin,
I have been following the plan. My whole thing is that next month is the NFL Draft. I know once he makes it he will forget about me. What do I do here? He has been trying to contact me like 3x but I am following the NC Rule. I think he contacted me because he was in the area. Im still at awe and is still thinking about him all day every day.
Kevin,
I have been following the plan. My whole thing is that next month is the NFL Draft. I know once he makes it he will forget about me. What do I do here? He has been trying to contact me like 3x but I am following the NC Rule. I think he contacted me because he was in the area. Im still at awe and is still thinking about him all day every day.
Kevin,
May I add to the fact that he is 22 and I am 29. He told me that he needed to get himself together first and he also told me not to contact him to check his status/progress every 2 weeks. That comment really hurt my feelings.
Continue with no contact. What you are going through is extremely common. But if you follow the plan, you will start feeling better.
Kevin,
May I add to the fact that he is 22 and I am 29. He told me that he needed to get himself together first and he also told me not to contact him to check his status/progress every 2 weeks. That comment really hurt my feelings.
Continue with no contact. What you are going through is extremely common. But if you follow the plan, you will start feeling better.
Kevin,
May I add to the fact that he is 22 and I am 29. He told me that he needed to get himself together first and he also told me not to contact him to check his status/progress every 2 weeks. That comment really hurt my feelings.
Continue with no contact. What you are going through is extremely common. But if you follow the plan, you will start feeling better.
Kevin,
May I add to the fact that he is 22 and I am 29. He told me that he needed to get himself together first and he also told me not to contact him to check his status/progress every 2 weeks. That comment really hurt my feelings.
Kevin,
I am not friends with him on any social media. Every now and then I would look at his facebook but his instagram is private. I am just having a hard time with him cutting me off and replying back 1 word. I texted him good luck yesterday on his pro day and that was it. he did reply back with "Thanks, those words mean alot to me. I will do my best" and that is all he said. I did reply back with, "you mean the world to me and your happiness playing football exceeds everything." He did not reply back. So today I plan to follow the 30 day NC Rule. I still think about him but not as much like last week. Each week gets better. What shall I do now?
Kevin,
I am not friends with him on any social media. Every now and then I would look at his facebook but his instagram is private. I am just having a hard time with him cutting me off and replying back 1 word. I texted him good luck yesterday on his pro day and that was it. he did reply back with "Thanks, those words mean alot to me. I will do my best" and that is all he said. I did reply back with, "you mean the world to me and your happiness playing football exceeds everything." He did not reply back. So today I plan to follow the 30 day NC Rule. I still think about him but not as much like last week. Each week gets better. What shall I do now?
Follow the advise in the article. Unfriend him from social media. It's going to defeat the purpose of no contact if he keeps on popping up on your social media accounts.
Kevin,
I have seen you have been responding to everybody's posts with some really useful advice, so hopefully you can help me. Looks like a great website and its all really relevant and up to date in 2014.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me over a year a go now, we were going out for 4 years and had been best friends since the age of 14 (now 20). We've been emailing/writing - about 2 a month. But recently I have tried the no contact as I am not truly over her. It hurts me everyday as I know we could have been great together, and the reason we broke up was because I was jealous of a close guy friend she had when were a long distance a way from each other, and there were a few other reasons but most of which stemmed down to my attitude and how I was feeling, but I was and kind of am in love.
Not actually seen her in just shy of a year, and thats been my decision as she wants to be friends, as we were bestest buddies at school. The reason I suppose I am in such a horrible place is because I still really like her, no resentment as we were not actually having much fun, but looking back and having time to reflect I can see where I went wrong and how easy it would be for us to work because I would just take it back and keep it to us being like we were at the start of the relationship. I got really wrapped up into it and was being too serious.
She's a genuine nice girl, and the only person I could imagine spending the rest of my life with, as i know we could be great. I've looked at girls and thought wow, she's hot or she's fit but I just don't feel attracted to them, or the need to go after them. It really hurt, and still hurts since break up.
What an earth should I do? I was going to (once I felt stable and in control - which I struggling to do) start to become friends with her, and then see what it feels like and if we still had something there.
No offence but I have never written on these the sites, but I have exhausted all my family and friends that I would be able to talk to months ago, and this one looks like the best shot for some decent advice Kevin, Please will you give me a detailed response, I would really appreciate it. Many thanks in advance and keep it up your helping people.
Well Peter, before you pursue her, I'd like you to go out on a few dates. You are young, you should try and explore your options. I am not saying you should forget about her. In fact, in all practicality, she is probably perfect for you and you two will be great together. But it's already been one year, and from what I read, you haven't been with anyone else since then.
Think about this, there is a possibility that you want her simply because you are hurt from the breakup. You think of her as this perfect person because you have never been close to anyone else. I'll recommend you start dating and if possible start a relationship with someone (even if it's a casual relationship). And after that, if you still want her back, then contact her and see where she is at.
Well Peter, before you pursue her, I'd like you to go out on a few dates. You are young, you should try and explore your options. I am not saying you should forget about her. In fact, in all practicality, she is probably perfect for you and you two will be great together. But it's already been one year, and from what I read, you haven't been with anyone else since then.
Think about this, there is a possibility that you want her simply because you are hurt from the breakup. You think of her as this perfect person because you have never been close to anyone else. I'll recommend you start dating and if possible start a relationship with someone (even if it's a casual relationship). And after that, if you still want her back, then contact her and see where she is at.
Hello, I am sorry to bother you but I really need your advice..
I was with my boyfriend for one and a half year and I cheated him.. We were on a long distance relationship the past 4 months but I saw him every weekend. of course the moment I cheated him I regretted it and wanted to forget all about it but he found out and came and told me. He was really upset and was very harsh with me. I begged him, I told him how sorry I was and did everything to make him forgive me. I went to his house in our hometown the same day, a week after I went to the town he lives, a month later I went again to his house and gave him a dairy with photographs of ours. He did not change his mind and during all this time he sent me twice and blamed me for several things that had nothing to do with us and that were not even close to be my fault. I guess he was really mad about the fact that I cheated on him.
At first I thought that whatever he would tell me, he would be right and that I had to endure everything. however when I went to his house a month after he had found out I asked him if he thought I made everything I could to get back together and he told me that I did. I knew that I couldn't make anything else and that I had to take care of myself (I am having my final exams for entering the university in two months). So I stopped talking to him, texting him, talking to his friends and everything I did previously. Then one day he sent me and asked me how I was. We talked for a couple of hours and I was really cool during our conversation. We did not talk about our relationship, and even when he told me he is in our hometown I did not comment on that.
Then he had his nameday and I sent him and as we talked he told me that he has a blouse of mine and I told him that I also had a blouse of his and that we should meet to exchange. I will see him in 10 days in a festival we will both be.
How should I react? I mean I know I screw up and that it was my fault but I really did everything I could (I did even more things than I am telling you right now, but I cannot write everything). He has told me how much he loves me but he told me that he cannot forgive me and that I've heart him so much..
When I see him should I tell him again that I want to get back together but be less pushy? Or should I play it cool and that I have gotten over him? I really want to be with him and I don't know what to do or say. In two months I will be done with my exams and he will be done with his university so its not that our relationship will be continue to be long distance..
Please help me, thank you very much for your time and I hope that I didn't bore you that much.. :P
Don't tell him you want to get back together. Don't try to convince him you've moved on. Just be happy, confident and fun. Have a good time. Stay in touch with him for the two months (have the same attitude, have fun) and then try to meet him again when you are in the same town.
Don't tell him you want to get back together. Don't try to convince him you've moved on. Just be happy, confident and fun. Have a good time. Stay in touch with him for the two months (have the same attitude, have fun) and then try to meet him again when you are in the same town.
My ex bf broke up with me back in Nov we dated for 3 years..I was blindsided and shock did not see it coming.. We were living together and constantly planning our future together..we looked at wedding bands often.. So I knew engagement was around the corner ..days after we broke up ,he had a new relationship. He meet her on his business trips ..I moved out.. But he still checks in with me text.. He told me 2 weeks ago that he still misses me thinks of me and it's hard on him still and he is not over me.. But he is not going out if his way to see me..he is 39 his new gf is 25.. I'm 44.. I thought we were good..I never cheated or lied. I was loving and trustworthy .. Now I have to be a bitch to tell him to make up his mind? I will take the advice that I am given because whatever I am doing, is not working! I do love him and forgive him and see if there is a chance for us again..Thank you! :))
Tell him you need some space and time. Don't contact him for 30 days. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin ,
He has not contacted me in over a week now..do I still tell him I need space ? I am confused about his actions lately towards me..I thought he was coming back around because of his words to me lately ( I miss you- not over you, etc) and our time apart..our conversations (texting) have been fun and lite.. Basically, drama- free. I don't understand why he is not running back to me? (Jerry Mc Quire style would be awesome-ha!)
I have no choice but to do the no-contact rule I suppose? As you stated before . Thanks Kevin :))
Do you see that he still wants to get back together? I have never had a breakup like this before..where we kept in touch.. He does most of the checking in.. It still hurts.. And miss him greatly! He knows all this..then why keep staying in touch with me??!' Ugh.. Ok.. 30 day nc has officially started! (Stomach turning already! )
Thank you !
Well, it's hard to say if he wants to get back together, but there is definitely a chance and it's definitely worth trying to get back with him. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
Well, it's hard to say if he wants to get back together, but there is definitely a chance and it's definitely worth trying to get back with him. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
Well, it's hard to say if he wants to get back together, but there is definitely a chance and it's definitely worth trying to get back with him. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
Well, it's hard to say if he wants to get back together, but there is definitely a chance and it's definitely worth trying to get back with him. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
Well, it's hard to say if he wants to get back together, but there is definitely a chance and it's definitely worth trying to get back with him. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
No need to tell him right now. Contact him only after no contact.
Do you see that he still wants to get back together? I have never had a breakup like this before..where we kept in touch.. He does most of the checking in.. It still hurts.. And miss him greatly! He knows all this..then why keep staying in touch with me??!' Ugh.. Ok.. 30 day nc has officially started! (Stomach turning already! )
Thank you !
No need to tell him right now. Contact him only after no contact.
Do you see that he still wants to get back together? I have never had a breakup like this before..where we kept in touch.. He does most of the checking in.. It still hurts.. And miss him greatly! He knows all this..then why keep staying in touch with me??!' Ugh.. Ok.. 30 day nc has officially started! (Stomach turning already! )
Thank you !
No need to tell him right now. Contact him only after no contact.
Do you see that he still wants to get back together? I have never had a breakup like this before..where we kept in touch.. He does most of the checking in.. It still hurts.. And miss him greatly! He knows all this..then why keep staying in touch with me??!' Ugh.. Ok.. 30 day nc has officially started! (Stomach turning already! )
Thank you !
No need to tell him right now. Contact him only after no contact.
Hi Kevin ,
He has not contacted me in over a week now..do I still tell him I need space ? I am confused about his actions lately towards me..I thought he was coming back around because of his words to me lately ( I miss you- not over you, etc) and our time apart..our conversations (texting) have been fun and lite.. Basically, drama- free. I don't understand why he is not running back to me? (Jerry Mc Quire style would be awesome-ha!)
I have no choice but to do the no-contact rule I suppose? As you stated before . Thanks Kevin :))
Hi Kevin ,
He has not contacted me in over a week now..do I still tell him I need space ? I am confused about his actions lately towards me..I thought he was coming back around because of his words to me lately ( I miss you- not over you, etc) and our time apart..our conversations (texting) have been fun and lite.. Basically, drama- free. I don't understand why he is not running back to me? (Jerry Mc Quire style would be awesome-ha!)
I have no choice but to do the no-contact rule I suppose? As you stated before . Thanks Kevin :))
Tell him you need some space and time. Don't contact him for 30 days. Follow the 5 step plan.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me and i did all the mistakes you mentioned up there but its been a month i applied the no contact rule. Last week he texted me asking how i am .. i replied and after tht we dint talk .. Yesterday was his birthday so i wished him today & his reply seemed that he was expecting my message. and also i brought alot changes in my life as well. Do you hink I should expect him to talk to me again? or meet me up.
Hi Kevin-
I'm so confused and would love your advice! My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago, but yet we haven't gone more than 2 or 3 days without talking. When we broke up, he had come over, crying and written me a letter saying how he just isn't sure about the future and if he can emotionally ever get to forever with someone. Says that he's messed up emotionally and isn't sure what's wrong, but he does know that I've made him a better person, never felt so in love with someone before and maybe that's scaring him. I should've stopped talking to him then, but you know it's hard because I do love him. (We are 31 years old and live basically across the street from each other). We did go through a 2 month period where we continued to hang out daily, but when it came back to what was going on between us, he still couldn't give me an answer. I guess that's because I never did give him the time to figure stuff out. Just this last Saturday, he was facetiming me telling me that he loves me and couldn't wait to see me on Sunday. (Mind you, he took another date to a wedding that Saturday night). Fast forward to yesterday morning after I left his house and spending all previous day with him, he texted me: "I hope you feel okay, I know I haven't made things easy, if that's even possible...I love you" I didn't respond, next text "I'm feeling really sad today, I had to come home , so I can't imagine how you feel. I'm so sorry" Again I didn't respond "I'm so sad and confused...I don't know what to do." " I wish I could take all your sadness and put it on me and give you all the anwers you need" "I love you dearly and I'm so scared that I"m ruining things that may be meant to be" "Everything I told you is true, I just need to figure things out myself." What do I do? Mind you, I know he's been dating someone for a couple months now since we've broken up. He tells me "I've only known her for a little while now, and things haven't profressed as fast as they did between us" And he sent me flowers on V-Day. He tells me all the time he loves me, but I can't help but think he is just keeping me in his back pocket. Do you think he means all this stuff? If he didn't, why string me along for the last 6 months, when he is clearly dating someone else? Is there any hope you think? I should go without talking to him, but I'm afraid he'll fall for this new girl and forget about me.
You are his backup. Stop being his backup. Apply the no contact rule. Give him a taste of what will happen when he loses you forever.
You are his backup. Stop being his backup. Apply the no contact rule. Give him a taste of what will happen when he loses you forever.
Hi Kevin
So I met this guy who I thought was amazing. Our parents grew up with each other and he and his family were home for his grandmothers funeral. "Thor" and I hit it off after I met him and showed him a good time while he was visiting. We went ice skating. We fell so hard for each other even though there was distance between us over the next 4 months. Because of this, I went out on a limb and flew out to see him New Years Eve. The trip will never be forgotten. I got treated like a queen, but this fairy tale didn't have a good ending. The same month I came home things went down hill. Since we talked 24/7 like a married couple checking in, convo's got boring at times. One night "Thor" called me out on it and it hurt my feelings, so I wanted to ignore him for a day. Doing this annoyed him because he wished me a good day and I didn't respond. I apologized over and over for my mistake, but he wasn't having it and said I acted a complete ass.
Things were rocky for the next month and because we were so into each other and considered the other our soul mate we tried to stay in touch, but it wasn't working. So I suggested saying goodbye and coming back later (maybe a yr or two). He was not happy with that, and cracked the same week saying he missed me and hates not hearing from me, so I kept in contact with him. I thought we could go back to talking on a consistent basis but I was wrong. When he wouldn't reply I flipped out and pulled the "you're not that busy card" The next day or two I didn't hear from him I wished him a good day, but obviously he was still fuming. "Thor" stepped all over me through text with his anger and I admitted to him it felt like shots to my heart. I agreed to let him go but was lost because just before he would not let me do closure. This "no contact" rule is extremely hard because "Thor" is a diamond in the ruff. I have went out on different dates and attempted to have a good time, but I just want my number 1 supporter back in my life. I can't even understand why he let something so little as me ignoring him for a day ruined what we built; there has got to be more to it than I know. Its been 13 days, how do I continue to hold on?
Give him time. No contact is hard but it is effective. If you want, you can contact him beforehand and let him know that you will be doing no contact for a month. It will give both of you some much needed space and time.
Give him time. No contact is hard but it is effective. If you want, you can contact him beforehand and let him know that you will be doing no contact for a month. It will give both of you some much needed space and time.
Kevin, I have a couple of questions, will you be willing to give me your opinion?
Absolutely Sandra.
Absolutely Sandra.
Hey Kevin me and my ex have been broken up for 5 months now were still friends we still hang out sometimes but he says he doesn't want me back what should I do and do u think he has someone else in his life ?
I can't say if he has someone else. I think you should follow the 5 step plan.
I can't say if he has someone else. I think you should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin, hope you are doing fine!
I read all the plan and steps you advice and it is excellent! Thanks!
I was in a relationship with my ex for 8 months. She is 19 and I am 33; although she is young she has always been very mature even more than me in some aspects of life and we have both learned from each other and made better human beings out of each other too. We have a lot of things in common, pretty much we are soul mates and we both recognize it, we enjoy everything we do together including sex which has been terrific and we both agree on that too; we loved each other very much. We have been on and off for about a month and a half and the problem before that was that even though most of the times we were cool, having good times, I treated her right there were times in which I was mad and was impulsive and said things to her that did not mean (not calling her names or anything like that but did say things that hurt her) and I also lack of confidence a little bit with her due to a bad experience I had in a past relationship. I did like her to spend time with her friends, go out, dress whatever she wants and never had a problem with any of that but did had my mental issues with stupid things like the use of social networks like Google talk, G+ and Instagram (We don´t do FB because a decision made by both of us). She also lacked a little confidence in me on the same matter but it was less that mine. She broke up with me for the first time a month and a half ago due to these two situations even though she lacked on confidence a couple of times too and was also rude to me a couple of times as well. I would say 65% - 70% of why we broke up was my fault and the rest is hers. As off today she has broke up with me three times during the last month and a half and even though she recognized that I have improved greatly in my confidence on her and the way we argue (I learned the lesson the first and second time she broke up with me and realized she is a great girl and I can fully trust in her and she can do the same and also to never be rude with her again when arguing) she stated she does not feel the same strength to continue with me even though she says she loves me and she sees me as an excellent partner. I have pretty much committed every mistake you mentioned: I was intense, texted her, begged her, told her how much I love her, went nuts with it and did work the first couple of times and we were back together and ok but the stupidest lesser difference we had made her argue with me and while I was attempting to calm things down she was angry and saying things she did not mean. Off course she asked me to forgive her but she was back to the same position that she did not feel the same to continue the relationship. She started to lack confidence in me after the last break up because I was attempting to have cero contact with her, she thought I was seeing somebody already and even got to block me from what´s app since did not like the pics I was posting as profile pic or acknowledge I was online and talking extensively to somebody else. I had to talk to her and explained that none of that was happening and that she can continue trusting me as if we were still a couple and that she was the one that ended our relationship. After that we started to talk as friends and try to be nice with each other but we just can´t be pretending to be friends if it is not what we both want so we decided last Sunday (March 23rd) to have cero contact. We also decided to delete each other from what´s up and instagram (Which I opened my account 5 days ago because she wanted me to) in order to avoid contact but neither of us did it and I am cool with it since I wanted to demonstrate her that I trust her on that matter and that I have changed. We have both been successful with the null contact during the last two days with each other but yesterday (Monday 24th) she” liked” a picture of us I had on instagram which is the only one I have with her and has been there for the 5 days( which is the same time my Instagram account has existed) and she decided to “like it” yesterday after we had agreed on cero contact. Why did she do that?? I did not respond, did not texted her or anything up until today. She also uploaded a picture after one minute after she liked my pic with a message that said something like “Things will get better”. Dunno what it means, if she refers to “better” as a couple together or away from each other. What do you think? Do we have a future? IS she over it as she is saying she is? It is hard for me to accept that since a couple of weeks ago she was telling me she loved me and talking to her friends and even in front of her mom (I also was there) that we had plans on getting married or at least live together and then a couple of days after she doesn´t want anything with me. I am planning on give her space this time cause I know she is tired of me texting her, talking and asking questions about the relationship still and I am sure that is the main reason why she wants to be away from me. Hopefully I will endure the 30 days you recommend, this is my third day. I am just thinking and convincing myself we won´t be together anymore and continue my life and thinking positively way since I don´t want to be disappointed if after the 30 days her decision remains. Since our relationship was not that long but very intense I dunno if I should wait 30 days or if it could be less (I thought 22 days or so, my birthday is in 8 days and she will probably say something to me but I was planning on just say thanks to her and continue with cero contact)
Thanks in advance from your advice and I apologize on any grammar errors, English isn´t my first language.
I think you should do 30 days (ultimately it's your decision and 22 days will also serve the purpose). You should not obsess too much about the "things will get better" remark. In my opinion, even she didn't know what she meant. So thinking about that is going to do you no good.
Yea, I was thinking 22 days in an attempt to speed up things and also having second thoughts that she would forget about me or start seeing somebody else but as you said in your plan she won´t forget what we had or me and if she starts seeing somebody in this period (which I really don´t think she will) it would be a casual date or a rebound relationship. I have continued to work on the areas I failed and she probably knows this since she even admitted before we lost contact that I made an effort to do things better and also had improved significantly and she was the one whose attitude wasn´t correct by that moment. Based on your experience how do you see my chances if I go 30 days?? Thank you very much for your help and advice.
Hey kevin,
I just wanted to keep you updated. On the 10th day of NC temptation defeated me and I spoke to my ex. We had a brief chat in which she stated that she has been missing me a lot, that she has had the feeling of wanting to be with me (spend time together) and she said she has cried a lot during this time. She said she has to clarify her thoughts because she is not positive yet on what she wants and thinks right at this moment. From my point of view there has been an improvement since 10 days ago she stated that we were through and there was no point of return for us but she still isn’t sure if she wants me back in her life. I have continued with NC and I am still hoping for the best…I guess I need to give her more time.
Hey Kevin,
Condit here. I just wanted to thank you for all the free support you give to so many people around the world by spreading your relationship knowledge. This has been a really helpful tool and thanks to you, after 7 days following the no contact rule I feel much more confident, relaxed and focused on improving as a single human being and not by been dependant of my ex girlfriend.
Let me tell you that on the fourth day of the NC I had to go visit my ex girlfriend´s mother in order to deliver her a birthday gift. I had already bought it for her and since I knew my girlfriend was at work by the moment I was going to pass by and deliver the gift, that was a great chance to do it . My “ex” mother agreed to receive the gift I bought for her and invited me to a cup of coffee, we spoke about stuff for a while, nothing related to anything between the relationship of her daughter and myself. The first thing I asked my “ex” mother was that I did not want to pass by whenever my ex was home. She agreed with my request and my ex wasn´t there but my ex did know I was going to pass by (her mother probably told her). My ex called her mother while I was at their place and they had a really stupid awkward conversation in which I am pretty sure my ex told her to keep me busy at their place because she was on her way home. Her mother attempted to do that but at one point in the conversation she let me know that my ex was coming home...by that moment I stopped our conversation and said I had to leave. My mother in law (if I can call her that way) was surprised because she never expected me to say I wanted to leave after all the chasing I did to her daughter a few days ago.
I just gave her a hug and said that I had to leave. I did not see my ex nor had any type of contact with her. That same night my ex sent me several what’s app messages, was really pissed probably because I did not wanted to see her even though she was about to arrive at her place and I was there, she also let me know how fed up and jealous she was of me finding or going out with other girls, how she doesn´t like my what´s app pictures in which I am doing nothing else but living my live and enjoying it without her. She also said that she missed me and has been thinking a lot about me (She did not say she loved me and I kinda was expecting her to say it but I guess is ok!), that the time we have been without contact has helped her a lot and it was necessary (And it is true since I was all over her chasing). I won´t lie saying I didn´t respond her messages but it was pretty short, just responded her stupid questions and insecurities and then told her that we both needed time to think. That was yesterday morning and we continued our NC successfully since then.
One thing I did notice today is that she stopped with her negative status messages over what´s app that were directed towards me and today she added a status message that said something like "Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning". I do not want to assume it is directed to me but since she sent me all those messages a couple of days ago letting me know how aware of what I do she is I just think a message like that is positive for my intentions.
What do you think about it? Did my possibilities to get her back increased even though she never mentioned she loves me??? She did say she has been missing me and thinking a lot about me. She isn´t ready yet and to be honest I am not ready to talk to her and ask her out either; I think is too soon and we could fall all the way back to the problems we had. We both need more time to heal, let her miss me more, realize she really wants to be with me, get our things straight in our minds and then we can talk. I am planning on going 15-20 more days on NC.
Thanks in advance for your help and response, really really appreciate it man.
Condit!
That's great Condit. Yes, your chances have definitely increased and the signs she is showing means that she still has feelings for you and probably loves you as well. I agree with your plan of doing 15-20 days of NC.
That's great Condit. Yes, your chances have definitely increased and the signs she is showing means that she still has feelings for you and probably loves you as well. I agree with your plan of doing 15-20 days of NC.
That's great Condit. Yes, your chances have definitely increased and the signs she is showing means that she still has feelings for you and probably loves you as well. I agree with your plan of doing 15-20 days of NC.
That's great Condit. Yes, your chances have definitely increased and the signs she is showing means that she still has feelings for you and probably loves you as well. I agree with your plan of doing 15-20 days of NC.
That's great Condit. Yes, your chances have definitely increased and the signs she is showing means that she still has feelings for you and probably loves you as well. I agree with your plan of doing 15-20 days of NC.
Yea, I know what you mean. The no contact purpose isn´t meant only to make your ex feel liberated, and start missing you and the good things the relationship had but to use that same time for you as a human being, feel confident and ok been alone. I was intense with her but did realize that was taking me anywhere before I got to your site. Since I am 33 I know how it works, life isn´t gonna end if she decides not to come back and I one good thing is I do have luck finding woman to go out. I don´t feel comfortable doing it right now that´s all but I know when the time is right will sure do it. I am feeling better every day the no contact goes on and will probably be ready to talk to her before the 30 days but I do think she needs the time to heal, desintoxicate and be ready to talk to me and see where that takes us to. Thanks for your response and help...
Hey kevin,
I just wanted to keep you updated. On the 10th day of NC temptation defeated me and I spoke to my ex. We had a brief chat in which she stated that she has been missing me a lot, that she has had the feeling of wanting to be with me (spend time together) and she said she has cried a lot during this time. She said she has to clarify her thoughts because she is not positive yet on what she wants and thinks right at this moment. From my point of view there has been an improvement since 10 days ago she stated that we were through and there was no point of return for us but she still isn’t sure if she wants me back in her life. I have continued with NC and I am still hoping for the best…I guess I need to give her more time.
Hey Kevin,
Condit here. I just wanted to thank you for all the free support you give to so many people around the world by spreading your relationship knowledge. This has been a really helpful tool and thanks to you, after 7 days following the no contact rule I feel much more confident, relaxed and focused on improving as a single human being and not by been dependant of my ex girlfriend.
Let me tell you that on the fourth day of the NC I had to go visit my ex girlfriend´s mother in order to deliver her a birthday gift. I had already bought it for her and since I knew my girlfriend was at work by the moment I was going to pass by and deliver the gift, that was a great chance to do it . My “ex” mother agreed to receive the gift I bought for her and invited me to a cup of coffee, we spoke about stuff for a while, nothing related to anything between the relationship of her daughter and myself. The first thing I asked my “ex” mother was that I did not want to pass by whenever my ex was home. She agreed with my request and my ex wasn´t there but my ex did know I was going to pass by (her mother probably told her). My ex called her mother while I was at their place and they had a really stupid awkward conversation in which I am pretty sure my ex told her to keep me busy at their place because she was on her way home. Her mother attempted to do that but at one point in the conversation she let me know that my ex was coming home...by that moment I stopped our conversation and said I had to leave. My mother in law (if I can call her that way) was surprised because she never expected me to say I wanted to leave after all the chasing I did to her daughter a few days ago.
I just gave her a hug and said that I had to leave. I did not see my ex nor had any type of contact with her. That same night my ex sent me several what’s app messages, was really pissed probably because I did not wanted to see her even though she was about to arrive at her place and I was there, she also let me know how fed up and jealous she was of me finding or going out with other girls, how she doesn´t like my what´s app pictures in which I am doing nothing else but living my live and enjoying it without her. She also said that she missed me and has been thinking a lot about me (She did not say she loved me and I kinda was expecting her to say it but I guess is ok!), that the time we have been without contact has helped her a lot and it was necessary (And it is true since I was all over her chasing). I won´t lie saying I didn´t respond her messages but it was pretty short, just responded her stupid questions and insecurities and then told her that we both needed time to think. That was yesterday morning and we continued our NC successfully since then.
One thing I did notice today is that she stopped with her negative status messages over what´s app that were directed towards me and today she added a status message that said something like "Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning". I do not want to assume it is directed to me but since she sent me all those messages a couple of days ago letting me know how aware of what I do she is I just think a message like that is positive for my intentions.
What do you think about it? Did my possibilities to get her back increased even though she never mentioned she loves me??? She did say she has been missing me and thinking a lot about me. She isn´t ready yet and to be honest I am not ready to talk to her and ask her out either; I think is too soon and we could fall all the way back to the problems we had. We both need more time to heal, let her miss me more, realize she really wants to be with me, get our things straight in our minds and then we can talk. I am planning on going 15-20 more days on NC.
Thanks in advance for your help and response, really really appreciate it man.
Condit!
Yea, I know what you mean. The no contact purpose isn´t meant only to make your ex feel liberated, and start missing you and the good things the relationship had but to use that same time for you as a human being, feel confident and ok been alone. I was intense with her but did realize that was taking me anywhere before I got to your site. Since I am 33 I know how it works, life isn´t gonna end if she decides not to come back and I one good thing is I do have luck finding woman to go out. I don´t feel comfortable doing it right now that´s all but I know when the time is right will sure do it. I am feeling better every day the no contact goes on and will probably be ready to talk to her before the 30 days but I do think she needs the time to heal, desintoxicate and be ready to talk to me and see where that takes us to. Thanks for your response and help...
Hey kevin,
I just wanted to keep you updated. On the 10th day of NC temptation defeated me and I spoke to my ex. We had a brief chat in which she stated that she has been missing me a lot, that she has had the feeling of wanting to be with me (spend time together) and she said she has cried a lot during this time. She said she has to clarify her thoughts because she is not positive yet on what she wants and thinks right at this moment. From my point of view there has been an improvement since 10 days ago she stated that we were through and there was no point of return for us but she still isn’t sure if she wants me back in her life. I have continued with NC and I am still hoping for the best…I guess I need to give her more time.
Hey Kevin,
Condit here. I just wanted to thank you for all the free support you give to so many people around the world by spreading your relationship knowledge. This has been a really helpful tool and thanks to you, after 7 days following the no contact rule I feel much more confident, relaxed and focused on improving as a single human being and not by been dependant of my ex girlfriend.
Let me tell you that on the fourth day of the NC I had to go visit my ex girlfriend´s mother in order to deliver her a birthday gift. I had already bought it for her and since I knew my girlfriend was at work by the moment I was going to pass by and deliver the gift, that was a great chance to do it . My “ex” mother agreed to receive the gift I bought for her and invited me to a cup of coffee, we spoke about stuff for a while, nothing related to anything between the relationship of her daughter and myself. The first thing I asked my “ex” mother was that I did not want to pass by whenever my ex was home. She agreed with my request and my ex wasn´t there but my ex did know I was going to pass by (her mother probably told her). My ex called her mother while I was at their place and they had a really stupid awkward conversation in which I am pretty sure my ex told her to keep me busy at their place because she was on her way home. Her mother attempted to do that but at one point in the conversation she let me know that my ex was coming home...by that moment I stopped our conversation and said I had to leave. My mother in law (if I can call her that way) was surprised because she never expected me to say I wanted to leave after all the chasing I did to her daughter a few days ago.
I just gave her a hug and said that I had to leave. I did not see my ex nor had any type of contact with her. That same night my ex sent me several what’s app messages, was really pissed probably because I did not wanted to see her even though she was about to arrive at her place and I was there, she also let me know how fed up and jealous she was of me finding or going out with other girls, how she doesn´t like my what´s app pictures in which I am doing nothing else but living my live and enjoying it without her. She also said that she missed me and has been thinking a lot about me (She did not say she loved me and I kinda was expecting her to say it but I guess is ok!), that the time we have been without contact has helped her a lot and it was necessary (And it is true since I was all over her chasing). I won´t lie saying I didn´t respond her messages but it was pretty short, just responded her stupid questions and insecurities and then told her that we both needed time to think. That was yesterday morning and we continued our NC successfully since then.
One thing I did notice today is that she stopped with her negative status messages over what´s app that were directed towards me and today she added a status message that said something like "Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning". I do not want to assume it is directed to me but since she sent me all those messages a couple of days ago letting me know how aware of what I do she is I just think a message like that is positive for my intentions.
What do you think about it? Did my possibilities to get her back increased even though she never mentioned she loves me??? She did say she has been missing me and thinking a lot about me. She isn´t ready yet and to be honest I am not ready to talk to her and ask her out either; I think is too soon and we could fall all the way back to the problems we had. We both need more time to heal, let her miss me more, realize she really wants to be with me, get our things straight in our minds and then we can talk. I am planning on going 15-20 more days on NC.
Thanks in advance for your help and response, really really appreciate it man.
Condit!
Yea, I know what you mean. The no contact purpose isn´t meant only to make your ex feel liberated, and start missing you and the good things the relationship had but to use that same time for you as a human being, feel confident and ok been alone. I was intense with her but did realize that was taking me anywhere before I got to your site. Since I am 33 I know how it works, life isn´t gonna end if she decides not to come back and I one good thing is I do have luck finding woman to go out. I don´t feel comfortable doing it right now that´s all but I know when the time is right will sure do it. I am feeling better every day the no contact goes on and will probably be ready to talk to her before the 30 days but I do think she needs the time to heal, desintoxicate and be ready to talk to me and see where that takes us to. Thanks for your response and help...
Hey kevin,
I just wanted to keep you updated. On the 10th day of NC temptation defeated me and I spoke to my ex. We had a brief chat in which she stated that she has been missing me a lot, that she has had the feeling of wanting to be with me (spend time together) and she said she has cried a lot during this time. She said she has to clarify her thoughts because she is not positive yet on what she wants and thinks right at this moment. From my point of view there has been an improvement since 10 days ago she stated that we were through and there was no point of return for us but she still isn’t sure if she wants me back in her life. I have continued with NC and I am still hoping for the best…I guess I need to give her more time.
Hey Kevin,
Condit here. I just wanted to thank you for all the free support you give to so many people around the world by spreading your relationship knowledge. This has been a really helpful tool and thanks to you, after 7 days following the no contact rule I feel much more confident, relaxed and focused on improving as a single human being and not by been dependant of my ex girlfriend.
Let me tell you that on the fourth day of the NC I had to go visit my ex girlfriend´s mother in order to deliver her a birthday gift. I had already bought it for her and since I knew my girlfriend was at work by the moment I was going to pass by and deliver the gift, that was a great chance to do it . My “ex” mother agreed to receive the gift I bought for her and invited me to a cup of coffee, we spoke about stuff for a while, nothing related to anything between the relationship of her daughter and myself. The first thing I asked my “ex” mother was that I did not want to pass by whenever my ex was home. She agreed with my request and my ex wasn´t there but my ex did know I was going to pass by (her mother probably told her). My ex called her mother while I was at their place and they had a really stupid awkward conversation in which I am pretty sure my ex told her to keep me busy at their place because she was on her way home. Her mother attempted to do that but at one point in the conversation she let me know that my ex was coming home...by that moment I stopped our conversation and said I had to leave. My mother in law (if I can call her that way) was surprised because she never expected me to say I wanted to leave after all the chasing I did to her daughter a few days ago.
I just gave her a hug and said that I had to leave. I did not see my ex nor had any type of contact with her. That same night my ex sent me several what’s app messages, was really pissed probably because I did not wanted to see her even though she was about to arrive at her place and I was there, she also let me know how fed up and jealous she was of me finding or going out with other girls, how she doesn´t like my what´s app pictures in which I am doing nothing else but living my live and enjoying it without her. She also said that she missed me and has been thinking a lot about me (She did not say she loved me and I kinda was expecting her to say it but I guess is ok!), that the time we have been without contact has helped her a lot and it was necessary (And it is true since I was all over her chasing). I won´t lie saying I didn´t respond her messages but it was pretty short, just responded her stupid questions and insecurities and then told her that we both needed time to think. That was yesterday morning and we continued our NC successfully since then.
One thing I did notice today is that she stopped with her negative status messages over what´s app that were directed towards me and today she added a status message that said something like "Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning". I do not want to assume it is directed to me but since she sent me all those messages a couple of days ago letting me know how aware of what I do she is I just think a message like that is positive for my intentions.
What do you think about it? Did my possibilities to get her back increased even though she never mentioned she loves me??? She did say she has been missing me and thinking a lot about me. She isn´t ready yet and to be honest I am not ready to talk to her and ask her out either; I think is too soon and we could fall all the way back to the problems we had. We both need more time to heal, let her miss me more, realize she really wants to be with me, get our things straight in our minds and then we can talk. I am planning on going 15-20 more days on NC.
Thanks in advance for your help and response, really really appreciate it man.
Condit!
Yea, I know what you mean. The no contact purpose isn´t meant only to make your ex feel liberated, and start missing you and the good things the relationship had but to use that same time for you as a human being, feel confident and ok been alone. I was intense with her but did realize that was taking me anywhere before I got to your site. Since I am 33 I know how it works, life isn´t gonna end if she decides not to come back and I one good thing is I do have luck finding woman to go out. I don´t feel comfortable doing it right now that´s all but I know when the time is right will sure do it. I am feeling better every day the no contact goes on and will probably be ready to talk to her before the 30 days but I do think she needs the time to heal, desintoxicate and be ready to talk to me and see where that takes us to. Thanks for your response and help...
Yea, I was thinking 22 days in an attempt to speed up things and also having second thoughts that she would forget about me or start seeing somebody else but as you said in your plan she won´t forget what we had or me and if she starts seeing somebody in this period (which I really don´t think she will) it would be a casual date or a rebound relationship. I have continued to work on the areas I failed and she probably knows this since she even admitted before we lost contact that I made an effort to do things better and also had improved significantly and she was the one whose attitude wasn´t correct by that moment. Based on your experience how do you see my chances if I go 30 days?? Thank you very much for your help and advice.
Yea, I was thinking 22 days in an attempt to speed up things and also having second thoughts that she would forget about me or start seeing somebody else but as you said in your plan she won´t forget what we had or me and if she starts seeing somebody in this period (which I really don´t think she will) it would be a casual date or a rebound relationship. I have continued to work on the areas I failed and she probably knows this since she even admitted before we lost contact that I made an effort to do things better and also had improved significantly and she was the one whose attitude wasn´t correct by that moment. Based on your experience how do you see my chances if I go 30 days?? Thank you very much for your help and advice.
I think you should do 30 days (ultimately it's your decision and 22 days will also serve the purpose). You should not obsess too much about the "things will get better" remark. In my opinion, even she didn't know what she meant. So thinking about that is going to do you no good.
We met as broken people and all we did was fight cuz I pointed out everything he did wrong ( I was scared cuz I felt he reminded me of my ex and he was still hung up on his) and he said I was a nag, till one day I woke up and felt nothing for him after great sex, but decided to just hang in there. Not sure what he felt that morning but he started pulling away, so I left him, till I contacted him one day and he said he was on a date. I completely lost all control and sanity and it was an entire weekend of fighting via text messages cuz he wouldn't talk to me over the phone, hurt even more cuz the ex I was broken from got married that weekend. He finally called when the weekend was over but by then I was over it and didn't pick up or read his last text message.
I chucked it all to bad timing, didn't contact him for 3-4months and I found out he was in a new relationship, made the mistake of sleeping with him and he even trying to settle for sex, (I know pathetic and unlike me but I felt desperate like I had lost him and I just hit 30, was horny and I don't know how to sleep around), which he shut down and said he was seeing her seriously. I wished him well and moved on. 2 weeks later he shows up at an event I'm hosting with his brother who tries to convince me his brother is a good guy and I am his "type of girl", he (the guy himself) shows no consistent/serious pursuit or interest afterwards so I just left him alone. He sent messages now n then and I had a few hiccups with him when I got irritated, but I finally let go and he started chasing and was consistent, showed lots of PDA and respect when we hung out for a month so I let him back in (we have sex) and he stays in touch but withdraws a little.
At this point we are better communicators and have matured, he has left the other girl, so I'm patient about meeting him in person to tell him how I feel, which takes a month. I go out of town and come back after he schedules a date that coincides with my trip and I cancel and cannot make it, mind you, he cancelled when I first scheduled it. Long story short, he calls me up for a business thing he thinks I will be interested in, I turn down being part of it, but offer to help if he needs help, he asks for my help when the day comes, which is really just my company at the event, we have a great time and talk as friends and I even get a chance to tell him I didn't like his actions when he came back and how I felt betrayed he apologized and we moved on. During convo I find out his ex-fiancée that broke him wants him back. She was not willing to convince his family to like her or visit our country to see if she likes it and could live there, but she suddenly wants to come now and try, maybe cuz he stopped talking to her and started dating the other girl (rebound girl) for a while. I think she got jealous and this revelation comes at a point when I see great changes and maturity in both of us as we have healed from brokenness and I want us to give it a go as whole people. He says he is thinking about letting her come and visit. I am not thrilled but I believe they need to resolve whatever unfinished business they have, but not to wish anyone bad, I do not think it will work and I think old issues will creep up, I don't see her living here as they can't survive on love fantasies alone, not my business.
What is my business however is that I care about this man and I see us growing a great deal together as people and helping each other reach our full potential as people. Changes in our behaviors and interaction since last year have been amazing. I felt very close to him that day, like a friend and confidant and someone he could depend on (I stopped coveting the girlfriend title and just relaxed). However, I do not want to be friend zoned, I'm too beautiful n great for that (not joking), never been friend zoned.
So I'm thinking apply no contact and allow him figure it out with her and hopefully allow him think about the possibilities of making it work with me. It's not do or die, when I love someone I always wish them well, even if it is not with me (something I think is a bad thing, cuz I heard girls fight n go crazy n it works). Do you think we have a chance if I let him go? I'm definitely letting go for a while, but I can't give up, because of the amazing changes I've seen and how we have been so courteous and helpful to each other this year. Last year he wouldn't let me in and I would completely lose it, this year, he lets me in and I also understand that it is healthier to be patient and think before I speak or act. Are the 5 steps for me too?
Yes, I believe 5 steps can help you. You already have a great attitude towards life and you've come a long way after your breakup. And yes, I do think you have a pretty good chance, even if you let him go. But I hope you understand there is also a chance that he might work it out with his ex (even though, in my opinion it's very less).
Thanks. It's so hard. The rebound girl is even still in the mix, he says she's hounding him. They're both working hard at getting him back it seems. I'm still mad he even dated the other girl at all. Decided not to be the 3rd "desperado", so I'm bowing out for a bit. I pray he comes back and stays. Not fair that guys find partners so easily and move on so easily, takes me years to meet a guy I'm really into then a thing like this happens, right after one heartbreak. Holding on to faith not to give up. Looking forward to my vacation, I need it. My dream is that he let's them both go and joins me on my vacay. :) For now I'll just get bikini ready and work on self and business.
What you are doing here is a great and empowering thing. Thank you.
Thanks. It's so hard. The rebound girl is even still in the mix, he says she's hounding him. They're both working hard at getting him back it seems. I'm still mad he even dated the other girl at all. Decided not to be the 3rd "desperado", so I'm bowing out for a bit. I pray he comes back and stays. Not fair that guys find partners so easily and move on so easily, takes me years to meet a guy I'm really into then a thing like this happens, right after one heartbreak. Holding on to faith not to give up. Looking forward to my vacation, I need it. My dream is that he let's them both go and joins me on my vacay. :) For now I'll just get bikini ready and work on self and business.
What you are doing here is a great and empowering thing. Thank you.
Thanks. It's so hard. The rebound girl is even still in the mix, he says she's hounding him. They're both working hard at getting him back it seems. I'm still mad he even dated the other girl at all. Decided not to be the 3rd "desperado", so I'm bowing out for a bit. I pray he comes back and stays. Not fair that guys find partners so easily and move on so easily, takes me years to meet a guy I'm really into then a thing like this happens, right after one heartbreak. Holding on to faith not to give up. Looking forward to my vacation, I need it. My dream is that he let's them both go and joins me on my vacay. :) For now I'll just get bikini ready and work on self and business.
What you are doing here is a great and empowering thing. Thank you.
Yes, I believe 5 steps can help you. You already have a great attitude towards life and you've come a long way after your breakup. And yes, I do think you have a pretty good chance, even if you let him go. But I hope you understand there is also a chance that he might work it out with his ex (even though, in my opinion it's very less).
Hey.i had a relationship for about 1.5 years.We were very loved although we were fighting often we always ended up together. The problem is that one time I really got pissed off and slapped her,and it wasn't the first time. After that she started crying and swearing on me. Instinctively I went to hug her and say sorry she just told me to leave and never talk to her again. So I just left. After a couple of days I found out she liked another guy and went to talk to her. She just told me to disappear and never talk to her again. And then I made my biggest mistake. I was begging her for three days,telling her I would change and that I don't care that she wants other and I will do whatever she wants(I even wrote her a letter telling her I am sad and I love her and so). I also talked to that guy who is a friend of mine telling him not to talk to her again and so because I was afraid I would lose her.now we weren't talking for about 5-6 days when she sent me a message that we are over and that I should never bother the guy she likes again and leave her alone. First time I see her that way and I am really sad and want her back,but I think I did a horrible mistake begging her and talking to the guy. What do you recommend me to do? Do I have any chance or shall I really let her move on? I am confused as I don't think she stopped loving me in just a week. What shall I do? Did I made mess or can I do something to get her back. Please help it is very important. Thank you
Hey.i had a relationship for about 1.5 years.We were very loved although we were fighting often we always ended up together. The problem is that one time I really got pissed off and slapped her,and it wasn’t the first time. After that she started crying and swearing on me. Instinctively I went to hug her and say sorry she just told me to leave and never talk to her again. So I just left. After a couple of days I found out she liked another guy and went to talk to her. She just told me to disappear and never talk to her again. And then I made my biggest mistake. I was begging her for three days,telling her I would change and that I don’t care that she wants other and I will do whatever she wants(I even wrote her a letter telling her I am sad and I love her and so). I also talked to that guy who is a friend of mine telling him not to talk to her again and so because I was afraid I would lose her.now we weren’t talking for about 5-6 days when she sent me a message that we are over and that I should never bother the guy she likes again and leave her alone. First time I see her that way and I am really sad and want her back,but I think I did a horrible mistake begging her and talking to the guy. After like 5 days i learnt she is in a relationship with another guy. She seems really happy and from the first day she is starting to upload photos about him on Facebook. I am scared I will lose her because she has negative memories about me and wants to forget me with the help of this guy. Is it a rebound relationship or she really wants to move on? I am suffering please help. What do you recommend me to do? Do I have any chance or shall I really let her move on? I am confused as I don’t think she stopped loving me in just two weeks. What shall I do? Did I made mess or can I do something to get her back. Please help it is very important. Thank you
Oh really? We seemed so well together. Never mind I will try. Thank you
Hey. Today I saw them from far kissing and they had passion and they both seemed happy. But they saw me watching them and she phoned me but I didn't answer. So you think I should leave her time? Fine but I think she will forget about me and bond more with him she seems happy and she also told me yesterday that she only has bad memories and she only remembers me hitting her. What shall I do? I don't think Ihave a dchance. If I shall leave her time how mutch should it be? Thanks
Hey George,
Since you both are young, I'll recommend you should try to move on. Since she is young, your chances of getting back together are less. Girls her age are extremely confused about their feelings and you'll likely be wasting your time and energy waiting for her.
Hey George,
Since you both are young, I'll recommend you should try to move on. Since she is young, your chances of getting back together are less. Girls her age are extremely confused about their feelings and you'll likely be wasting your time and energy waiting for her.
Hey George,
Since you both are young, I'll recommend you should try to move on. Since she is young, your chances of getting back together are less. Girls her age are extremely confused about their feelings and you'll likely be wasting your time and energy waiting for her.
Hey George,
Since you both are young, I'll recommend you should try to move on. Since she is young, your chances of getting back together are less. Girls her age are extremely confused about their feelings and you'll likely be wasting your time and energy waiting for her.
Hey it's me again. They are one week together and they seem so well together. So I just sent her telling her how couls she forget me so easily and be at least friends. She was talking very rude and dint want to send her again she also said she only has bad memories about us and she feels more about the other guy in one weej than me.i was treating her bad. Help me is she saying those from reaction or do I not have any chance? I don't think it's a rebound and as time flows it's not good for me. Please help it is even more crucial. Thanks
You do have a chance. What she said is simply because she is hurt. Leave her alone for a while.
You do have a chance. What she said is simply because she is hurt. Leave her alone for a while.
You do have a chance. What she said is simply because she is hurt. Leave her alone for a while.
You do have a chance. What she said is simply because she is hurt. Leave her alone for a while.
Oh really? We seemed so well together. Never mind I will try. Thank you
Hey. Today I saw them from far kissing and they had passion and they both seemed happy. But they saw me watching them and she phoned me but I didn't answer. So you think I should leave her time? Fine but I think she will forget about me and bond more with him she seems happy and she also told me yesterday that she only has bad memories and she only remembers me hitting her. What shall I do? I don't think Ihave a dchance. If I shall leave her time how mutch should it be? Thanks
Hey it's me again. They are one week together and they seem so well together. So I just sent her telling her how couls she forget me so easily and be at least friends. She was talking very rude and dint want to send her again she also said she only has bad memories about us and she feels more about the other guy in one weej than me.i was treating her bad. Help me is she saying those from reaction or do I not have any chance? I don't think it's a rebound and as time flows it's not good for me. Please help it is even more crucial. Thanks
Oh really? We seemed so well together. Never mind I will try. Thank you
Hey. Today I saw them from far kissing and they had passion and they both seemed happy. But they saw me watching them and she phoned me but I didn't answer. So you think I should leave her time? Fine but I think she will forget about me and bond more with him she seems happy and she also told me yesterday that she only has bad memories and she only remembers me hitting her. What shall I do? I don't think Ihave a dchance. If I shall leave her time how mutch should it be? Thanks
Hey it's me again. They are one week together and they seem so well together. So I just sent her telling her how couls she forget me so easily and be at least friends. She was talking very rude and dint want to send her again she also said she only has bad memories about us and she feels more about the other guy in one weej than me.i was treating her bad. Help me is she saying those from reaction or do I not have any chance? I don't think it's a rebound and as time flows it's not good for me. Please help it is even more crucial. Thanks
Hey.i had a relationship for about 1.5 years.We were very loved although we were fighting often we always ended up together. The problem is that one time I really got pissed off and slapped her,and it wasn’t the first time. After that she started crying and swearing on me. Instinctively I went to hug her and say sorry she just told me to leave and never talk to her again. So I just left. After a couple of days I found out she liked another guy and went to talk to her. She just told me to disappear and never talk to her again. And then I made my biggest mistake. I was begging her for three days,telling her I would change and that I don’t care that she wants other and I will do whatever she wants(I even wrote her a letter telling her I am sad and I love her and so). I also talked to that guy who is a friend of mine telling him not to talk to her again and so because I was afraid I would lose her.now we weren’t talking for about 5-6 days when she sent me a message that we are over and that I should never bother the guy she likes again and leave her alone. First time I see her that way and I am really sad and want her back,but I think I did a horrible mistake begging her and talking to the guy. After like 5 days i learnt she is in a relationship with another guy. She seems really happy and from the first day she is starting to upload photos about him on Facebook. I am scared I will lose her because she has negative memories about me and wants to forget me with the help of this guy. Is it a rebound relationship or she really wants to move on? I am suffering please help. What do you recommend me to do? Do I have any chance or shall I really let her move on? I am confused as I don’t think she stopped loving me in just two weeks. What shall I do? Did I made mess or can I do something to get her back. Please help it is very important. Thank you
Hi Kevin,
I broke up with my ex 6 weeks ago as we were always fighting . We have two children together. For the first two weeks my ex tried to get me back. I realised that it was a big mistake breaking up and really desperately wanted to keep my family together. In the last month as we are still living together although he wants me to find a new house, he has treated me really badly and been so cruel to me . We are sleeping in separate rooms but hel still want me for sex, then for hugs. I tell him I really want to work on this relationship because I love him and the girls and don't want to break the family up but get help for all our issues. He wants to keep things as they are and for me to find a house ASAP. It is so confusing to me . I know I have acted needy and desperate also because the thought of having to lose him and break my family apart rips open my soul . I love him dearly just not the toxic emotional abuse . We have been together 6 years. I just don't know what to do or think or be ? Never been so depressed in my life . He just acts like I'm nothing or hell be nice to me it's just so confusing . Do you have any advice ? Appreciated
Did you suggest couples counseling? If not, do so. If he doesn't want to, then you should move out and apply no contact. It'll be better for you, and it will also give him some chance to miss you and realize what he is losing.
Did you suggest couples counseling? If not, do so. If he doesn't want to, then you should move out and apply no contact. It'll be better for you, and it will also give him some chance to miss you and realize what he is losing.
Hey
I work with my partner, what is the best thing to do I haven't spoken to her for about three weeks now and I feel bad as she hasn't got money at the moment and seen her take of someone else or stay with nothing in at work. She told few friends in work wish he just contact me and say hello and she tried to contact me in the past few days and I didn't reply or messaged back.
Contact her using one of the methods in this article.
Contact her using one of the methods in this article.
Hey Kevin
So My Girl broke up with me on new years after 2 years of going out. We had a really great relationship going on and it looked like I found the one , last year wasent a good year for her, she lost 2 loved ones and she was also stress with school . I love her with all my heart and I wanna win her back, another thing is that it was a long distance relationship, she had a hard time and her family moved up north. after the breakup we talked about the things we would do when I got up there and stuff, then she lost her grandfather. I told her I was here if she needed anything. I guess a mistake I did was I messaged her a day after asking how she was doing, but no responce. I have not talked to her for a month now and It's killing me. I dont know what to do or what to follow. All I want is to get her back soon. What do you recommend?
Contact her again using one of the methods in the article.
It's mentioned in the article. Read Step 4.
When do I know its the right time to contact her again?
See the checklist at the starting of Step 4.
See the checklist at the starting of Step 4.
See the checklist at the starting of Step 4.
See the checklist at the starting of Step 4.
See the checklist at the starting of Step 4.
When do I know its the right time to contact her again?
When do I know its the right time to contact her again?
When do I know its the right time to contact her again?
It's mentioned in the article. Read Step 4.
It's mentioned in the article. Read Step 4.
Contact her again using one of the methods in the article.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my ex were together for 8 months and suddenly she ends it with me because she said her heart wanted her ex boyfriend of four years. I think she is making a mistake and others do too. Some random people would ask her if they have broken up, this situation was when her and I were together, after she would say yes people would praise her for breaking up with him. Random people know she shouldnt be with him, but she won't listen. Some days she is fine talking to me and other days she is straight up rude to me saying I annoy her. I have blocked her from Facebook to try the no contact for a month. After a month I thought about writing a letter to her. Any suggestions?
Follow the 5 step plan, which you already seem to be doing. All the best.
By her being rude does that mean she still has feelings toward me and still thinks about our relationship?
Yes it does.
Today I found out someone that I work with talked with my ex. She asked if he knew me (knowing we work together) and she told him we use to date. Odd?
Doesn't mean anything, in my opinion.
Doesn't mean anything, in my opinion.
Doesn't mean anything, in my opinion.
Doesn't mean anything, in my opinion.
Doesn't mean anything, in my opinion.
Doesn't mean anything, in my opinion.
Today I found out someone that I work with talked with my ex. She asked if he knew me (knowing we work together) and she told him we use to date. Odd?
Today I found out someone that I work with talked with my ex. She asked if he knew me (knowing we work together) and she told him we use to date. Odd?
Today I found out someone that I work with talked with my ex. She asked if he knew me (knowing we work together) and she told him we use to date. Odd?
Today I found out someone that I work with talked with my ex. She asked if he knew me (knowing we work together) and she told him we use to date. Odd?
Yes it does.
Yes it does.
Yes it does.
By her being rude does that mean she still has feelings toward me and still thinks about our relationship?
By her being rude does that mean she still has feelings toward me and still thinks about our relationship?
Follow the 5 step plan, which you already seem to be doing. All the best.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my x broke up less than a month ago, and her rebound is her x from 7 years ago that had cheated on her with her x best friend. Shes my first everything and i really love her and she knows i found out about the other guy that i had talked to via fb as adults. And she told me he had asked her 'would you still consider getting back with him?' And she said if it feels right i will. And she decided shes not going to speak to the both of us for 3 weeks than whoever she calls will be the one. And im really scared i wont be the one she calls. And she agreed the 3 week thing starts after saturday, and im taking her out saturdat. What do i do? I really need your help.
Take her out. Be confident and don't be needy. Don't try to convince her to be with you at all. Just have fun. Then start no contact.
Take her out. Be confident and don't be needy. Don't try to convince her to be with you at all. Just have fun. Then start no contact.
Hey Kevin this is me again.
I was upset with my girlfriend over few things which she had promised me she won't do but did it so i did not meet her but said confess things over phone and i will be okay with it, we fought for like 4 months then she broke up and was in a rebound relationship i guess. I felt really broken and realized that i was wrong too (or only me) all the time. So i did many things to get her back to me. I became a really clingy person. I used to send like 50 texts a day. After simply denied any possibilities of us getting together and after a month her behavior changes, she would say one day i miss u and the next day treat me as if i am an unknown guy (even worse), i sat down with her at times and told her i just wanna talk to you we will be in a relationship only if this works out, she would do anything she likes, talk to me when she would feel like for hours but when i did the same she would switch off her phone for whole day. So one day she told me she is missing me we agreed to meet at a time but when i went there she said what is the use of meeting now, i met her forcefully sat down with her and said its okay you're going with these mood swings i am not here to force you for anything but this was rude. We had a talk she went home and i tried calling her she switched off her phone next day she said what do i want from her now and then next day she said do not contact me i thought a lot and its not going to work out now. I did not reply.
After few hours she said she is missing me i said this is just a mood swing (as previously she said i said i miss u cause its was just a mood swing don't make it a mess). Then she called me to meet by texting twice i did not reply to her texts because she would behave so sweetly one day and treat me badly the other day.
I have a few questions to ask Kevin.
As we are already so apart from like 6 months is it okay to implement the no contact rule ? I feel bad for not going to meet her.
Also i want this sorted within a month as we will not have much time to spend together.
Should i text her again ? Its been like 2 days i have not.
She did not text me again after i did not respond to her asking to meet me was that very rude and is that gonna cause any negative effect in view to my scenario.
The previous comment by Anon was by me too please reply here Kevin i seriously need your advise also i have stopped getting your mails.
Also Kevin she is kind of sure i am not gonna leave her, so won't telling her that i am not gonna contact make her feel yeah he is coming back to me after some time and she would spend that time without thinking about anything she did and the way she treated me later.
What are your views on this ?
Yeah, in that case, it might be better to start no contact without informing her. Ultimately, you'll have to make the decision if you want to inform her or not. You know both the pros and cons of informing her and not informing her. Also, two more emails have already been sent to you. It might be in your spam box.
Yeah, in that case, it might be better to start no contact without informing her. Ultimately, you'll have to make the decision if you want to inform her or not. You know both the pros and cons of informing her and not informing her. Also, two more emails have already been sent to you. It might be in your spam box.
Yeah, in that case, it might be better to start no contact without informing her. Ultimately, you'll have to make the decision if you want to inform her or not. You know both the pros and cons of informing her and not informing her. Also, two more emails have already been sent to you. It might be in your spam box.
Hey,
I think you really need to apply no contact rule. In fact, let her know that you need some space and time to think things through and so does she. Then stop contact for one month. You are always available for her. And that shows her that you are needy and desperate. You need to become scarce.
Thanks Kevin.
I was feeling like telling her could make it less effective as she said she thought about it and its not gonna work out.
It feels like the more i try to make her understand things the more she does the same, i don't want the same old relationship again i want it to get better this time.
I am not getting your emails now the last one i got was "And it's called...CONSISTENCY" which i received on 23rd.
Thanks :)
Thanks Kevin.
I was feeling like telling her could make it less effective as she said she thought about it and its not gonna work out.
It feels like the more i try to make her understand things the more she does the same, i don't want the same old relationship again i want it to get better this time.
I am not getting your emails now the last one i got was "And it's called...CONSISTENCY" which i received on 23rd.
Thanks :)
Thanks Kevin.
I was feeling like telling her could make it less effective as she said she thought about it and its not gonna work out.
It feels like the more i try to make her understand things the more she does the same, i don't want the same old relationship again i want it to get better this time.
I am not getting your emails now the last one i got was "And it's called...CONSISTENCY" which i received on 23rd.
Thanks :)
Also Kevin she is kind of sure i am not gonna leave her, so won't telling her that i am not gonna contact make her feel yeah he is coming back to me after some time and she would spend that time without thinking about anything she did and the way she treated me later.
What are your views on this ?
Hey,
I think you really need to apply no contact rule. In fact, let her know that you need some space and time to think things through and so does she. Then stop contact for one month. You are always available for her. And that shows her that you are needy and desperate. You need to become scarce.
hey kelvin,
im sean, a 23 year old working boy dating a 21 year old college girl . but now my gf broke up with me due to that i could not tolerate and be supportive to her college activities . she said that she has no more feeling towards me. she was darn busy ever since she join the activities until that 1 day i got mad and i scolded her terribly. after that, i did actually beg her to come back to me and she gave me 1 last chance . 2 days later she said that she decided to let it go, the feeling was not rite anymore. Its been the 2nd week of our break up that i did not contact her. Any solutions for this matter??? i need guidance thanks alot.
Kelvin,
Ever since she said that she has no feeling towards this 2 year of relationship anymore, im completely out of confidence that i could get back to together with her. Further more, she did mention once to me that she is close with a guy in her college life.. i guess probably thats the barrel that made her no more feeling towards me.
A lot of people say that after a breakup and they don't really mean it. A lot of them even get back together after saying that. I say try the plan once and if it doesn't work, concentrate on moving on.
kelvin,
Alrite! im still maintaining the No Contact Rule , however i felt that she completely enjoying her life now. No offence but i do have a feeling that her friends are trying to pursuit her walk out on me ><. i have already prepared a letter written by myself but i do not know whether the content that i wrote will make her touch ??? could you check for me ??
Sure. Also, there is a sample letter in the email series (5th step).
Sure. Also, there is a sample letter in the email series (5th step).
Sure. Also, there is a sample letter in the email series (5th step).
Sure. Also, there is a sample letter in the email series (5th step).
Sure. Also, there is a sample letter in the email series (5th step).
kelvin,
Alrite! im still maintaining the No Contact Rule , however i felt that she completely enjoying her life now. No offence but i do have a feeling that her friends are trying to pursuit her walk out on me ><. i have already prepared a letter written by myself but i do not know whether the content that i wrote will make her touch ??? could you check for me ??
kelvin,
Alrite! im still maintaining the No Contact Rule , however i felt that she completely enjoying her life now. No offence but i do have a feeling that her friends are trying to pursuit her walk out on me ><. i have already prepared a letter written by myself but i do not know whether the content that i wrote will make her touch ??? could you check for me ??
kelvin,
Alrite! im still maintaining the No Contact Rule , however i felt that she completely enjoying her life now. No offence but i do have a feeling that her friends are trying to pursuit her walk out on me ><. i have already prepared a letter written by myself but i do not know whether the content that i wrote will make her touch ??? could you check for me ??
A lot of people say that after a breakup and they don't really mean it. A lot of them even get back together after saying that. I say try the plan once and if it doesn't work, concentrate on moving on.
A lot of people say that after a breakup and they don't really mean it. A lot of them even get back together after saying that. I say try the plan once and if it doesn't work, concentrate on moving on.
Kelvin,
Ever since she said that she has no feeling towards this 2 year of relationship anymore, im completely out of confidence that i could get back to together with her. Further more, she did mention once to me that she is close with a guy in her college life.. i guess probably thats the barrel that made her no more feeling towards me.
Hello,
My ex girlfriend and i broke up with me only three days ago. Apparently she likes another guy, and she isn't missing me one bit. What do I do? I'm currently doing the no contact rule, but it seems like I'm the only hurting and missing her. Is there anything you could recommend that I can do?
Thank you
Dude get some life...Try it hard its your mind not hers and u control it. trust me keep it for a week, then another week then another just keep going. She will come back to u begging.
Same happened with me not just once more then once no contact works.!! Just keep faith and try harder.!!
Follow the 5 step plan.
What if she acts like she doesn't care about me.
What if she acts like she doesn't care about me.
What if she acts like she doesn't care about me.
Dude get some life...Try it hard its your mind not hers and u control it. trust me keep it for a week, then another week then another just keep going. She will come back to u begging.
Same happened with me not just once more then once no contact works.!! Just keep faith and try harder.!!
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hey, I wll try to keep this as short as possible :)
My ex and I were together 2.5yrs and broke up about 9 months ago. I was okay with it at first because I knew the relationship was an unhealthy one. He entered a new relationship only 4 weeks after we split which broke my heart but I figured it was just a rebound. About 3 months into their relationship they had some kind of argument and he ended up spending the night with me, we did not have sex (probably just a bit of familiarity for him) . They obviously reconciled and I didn't hear from him for a few months and I had pretty much gotten over the whole thing when suddenly out of the blue my feelings for him resurfaced which coincidentally was about the same time he and his new girlfriend broke up. I spent a wee bit of time with him but I was trying to ignore my feelings for him. Tonight he turned up at my house, drunk. I didn't ask him about his relationship situation but he seems not so much jealous but more uncomfortable at any mention of me being with anyone else. At this point I am confused about my feelings for him because I know it wasn't a great relationship but the heart wants what it wants man! What do you think should I follow your plan and try to get him back or forget it all and ignore my feelings? Thanks very much :)
If you think you deserve a better relationship (which you absolutely do), then you should move on. Even if you do decide to get back together, you should be absolutely sure that things will be better than before this time.
If you think you deserve a better relationship (which you absolutely do), then you should move on. Even if you do decide to get back together, you should be absolutely sure that things will be better than before this time.
My ex broke up with me on the 16th of January we spoke until the 13th of feb until I went into NC.
She spoke to me at the beach and said she doesn't trust me and is insecure around me and feels its just too hard.
She ignores my texts but has agreed to think about catching up for a coffee.
I don't know what to do or what she is thinking.
Any ideas?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
I have been dating this guy for a year, we had a great relationship. We talked or had some form of communication everyday. He didn't like going a day with out any contact. We went out of town several times and we saw each other at least 3 times a month. I'm a single mom and I work and his job has him working 12 hour shifts a week. Anyway, he started becoming distant and I questioned him on it. He said nothing had changed but then it would be a month and no visits, or two days at a time no contact, then recently I asked him before his birthday if he was seeing someone else and he got upset with me. I asked to just be honest and communicate with me please. No hard feelings if he wanted to end our relationship. He refused to answer me. I told him how this was hurting me and he blew it off with out so much as an, "it want my intention" speech. He didn't make time for me on his birthday and its been 3 days and there has been no contact from him. I want to contact him but cant bring myself to do it. I know he's use to me contacting him if its been at least 2 days of no contact but because of his rude and uncaring behavior I cant bring myself to contact him. Should I reach out? Or will he eventually reach out? Its hard to believe that someone who says they love you can walk away from you with no contact, not even a I didn't mean to hurt you, nothing. Please advise.
You should contact him. Make it clear if he wants to break up. If he isn't still clear about his intentions, tell him you want to take a break from the relationship for a month and that you should talk again after a month to see where both of you stand.
You should contact him. Make it clear if he wants to break up. If he isn't still clear about his intentions, tell him you want to take a break from the relationship for a month and that you should talk again after a month to see where both of you stand.
I have a bit of a strange situation going on, and I could really use some advice.
My ex and I were together for 4 months, it was a short relationship, but it was so intense, and I fell in love with him. He broke up with me because I had to move to a different country after losing my job. We broke up 3 months ago and we’ve been in low contact. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. I decided that I needed to move on after and went full No Contact. 25 days has passed and I got a message from him on Facebook saying that he hopes I’m having a great time in my home country. I replied that everything’s going great and I’m having fun (not true, I’m miserable, desperate, and miss him a lot). After that message, he just disappeared again; it’s been 2 weeks.
I have 3 questions:
1. Do I even stand a chance with this guy?
2. Do I start No contact again from day 1 (I only broke it to respond to his message)? I am afraid that if I stop talking, it would be too long. Our relationship was very short and we spent almost as much time apart as the time we spent together. And should I break no contact if he contacts me again (Which I highly doubt!!).
3. When time comes to break no contact, and sent the text messages, I won’t be able to eventually meet him and ask him out on a date. It will probably take months until we are able to see each other again. I am now in a different continent now and I’m not sure how to handle the logistics.
Thank you very much. I am really confused now and would appreciate any feedback.
Stay in touch with him. I'll say contact him after a couple of weeks. However, make sure you are doing something to make yourself feel better. I know you are feeling miserable right now, but you need to learn to be happy without him if you want to get him back.
Stay in touch with him. I'll say contact him after a couple of weeks. However, make sure you are doing something to make yourself feel better. I know you are feeling miserable right now, but you need to learn to be happy without him if you want to get him back.
Oops, sorry. wrong article. You responded. :)
Kevin,
I'm real confused about my situation. I broke up with my girlfriend in December because there were a lot of fights occurring and she was pressing the issue of marriage at the same time. I broke up with her because I felt we were not working and was 100% confident at the time that I made the right decision.
Over two months we contacted each other about once or twice every two weeks. I started seeing someone almost immediately after breaking up with her and am still hanging with her today. During the time I was with this person the ex told me she loved me and wanted to get back with me but i pushed her away. I was at the time feeling like i wanted to be with her but was scared because I had left her before.
Anyways, over time I realized I had made a mistake in breaking up with her and told her i wanted to see her. She agreed and we met about a week ago. She was very upset and yelled at me told me she had met someone new thought she was moving on, etc. I left the meeting feeling she didn't want to ever see me again. Later that night she told me she was sorry for yelling but wanted to meet again under less strenuous circumstances. I agreed and last night we hung out had a really good time except on the ride home she started crying and saying she wasn't sure she could do this. She feels I hurt her too much and this new guy had made her feel better about herself and that she didn't want to screw up a potentially good thing. Then seconds later she starts asking me how I would prove to her what I would do to make the relationship start over on the right foot. We talked for about an hour some good some bad but it ended with her inviting me into her place. We talked I said hi to her two cats that I bought her. When I went to leave she came and hugged me and we kissed it was a little awkward because we were both nervous. I had read this blog before and then told her if you need space to figure things out I am willing to do so. She quickly replied that that's exactly the opposite thing I should be doing if I want to get her back. I told her I wasn't sure if she needed space and she asked me if my heart told her to call her or my heart told me to show up at her place that's what I should do.
I'm really confused as I'm basically being told not do no contact. This goes against all that I'm reading in this blog, because my ex feels that she wants me to be in contact with her. We were planning on speaking next week, but I'm not sure if this is a good thing to do. She said she's not sure what she wants to do in terms of getting back together but still wants to see me. I'm not too worried about the guy cause I'm almost 100% it is a rebound, but I also don't want to drop off the face of the earth for fear of the unknown
Please help!
Well, if she is telling you to stay in touch with her, you shouldn't do complete no contact. Stay in touch with her every 3-4 days. It seems she is very interested in getting back together and she might just need a little push in the right direction.
Well, if she is telling you to stay in touch with her, you shouldn't do complete no contact. Stay in touch with her every 3-4 days. It seems she is very interested in getting back together and she might just need a little push in the right direction.
Hi Kevin, I didn't manage to pass him the painting because most of our mutual friends couldn't make it to the gathering and he decided he wants to work overtime on that day and couldn't make it as well. Not sure if he did that do avoid me but I shall not think too much about it. And so I passed the painting to his sister instead.
Was thinking as time passes (2.5 months since we broke up), it seems to be healing all the pain that I had from the breakup and that's why I'm confident that I can be happy around him. But I don't know how I can show him the change in me. It's like no one will be convinced if one keeps saying how much he/she have changed because this is something that has to be seen. I posted one very positive post on fb on Sunday and have received many likes but not from him. Not sure if he had seen it but I tried not to have any expectation in case I get disappointed. And because he didn't come this time, our next gathering is in 2 months. I wonder what is the next step I should take during these 2 months if I didn't want to ask him out on a one-on-one basis in case he finds it awkward. I believe the next time we meet would be 4.5 months since we've broken up, but that's okay because I know rekindling the spark in a relationship is often about having patience.
Hey Kevin, I responded to my post which is half way down the page.
' Even tho I outed her to one of her friends (although for some reason her friend did not get the message thankfully) the last thing she said to me was she was very very hurt and angry I did that.
Maybe one day we can be friends but she said not anywhere near in the future, does that mean she may need like 6 months space? Or she defo means we can never be lovers?
Also she has threat to block my number and go to the police, but she keeps giving me chances not too, if this cos there is maybe still hope?
Hey Kevin, no I left her to it, I mean the last time I hear from her was yesterday, she said I am giving you one more chance to not block your number, If she meant what she said as in hates me why is she not blocking my number? Do you still think there is chance or is it time to move on?
.
Im im in a bad way pls responde kevin
Im im in a bad way pls responde kevin
Im im in a bad way pls responde kevin
Hey Kevin, no I left her to it, I mean the last time I hear from her was yesterday, she said I am giving you one more chance to not block your number, If she meant what she said as in hates me why is she not blocking my number? Do you still think there is chance or is it time to move on?
Hey Kevin, no I left her to it, I mean the last time I hear from her was yesterday, she said I am giving you one more chance to not block your number, If she meant what she said as in hates me why is she not blocking my number? Do you still think there is chance or is it time to move on?
.
Hey Kevin, no I left her to it, I mean the last time I hear from her was yesterday, she said I am giving you one more chance to not block your number, If she meant what she said as in hates me why is she not blocking my number? Do you still think there is chance or is it time to move on?
hi kevin,
your website has been so helpful, thank you so much. i wanted to let you know a bit about my story and get your thoughts :(
i have been in a tumultuous relationship for the past few months. it's been up and down, with a lot of arguments usually revolving around my need for validation in the relationhip- validation that my boyfriend was committed, that he cared about me, that he wanted to be in the relationship. he always refrained from calling me his girlfriend, but he showed me how committed he was in other ways. i know he wasn't seeing anyone else, or was interested in anyone else, but he just had an issue with the word girlfriend. all in all, we dated for 6 months. the first few months were strange because he did not commit, so i began to see other people, and in fact, made out with his friend. i told him, and although he initially forgave me, tried to break up with me (this was in our third month of dating). then i begged and begged him for another chance and told him that things were confusing which led to what i did. at that point, we started things up again, although the same petty arguments (caused by my insecurity and his strong reactionary nature) persisted. last month, we went on a great trip together and things seemed to be going well. then finally, last week, i began another fight, because i wanted validation once again that he saw me in his future, and that he was committed to me. i kept nagging and pushing him although he was extremely uncomfortable. after this happened, i had a terrible feeling this was the straw that broke the camel's back. he tried to break up with me last night and it was one of the most painful things i've ever experienced. i begged and pleaded, through frantic tears that this wasn't fair, that it was a mistake, that what we had was love, and that i couldn't give up like this. i said i would never behave so irrationally again. but he kept telling me it was over, that he no longer cared, that it was the same thing over and over again, that he wanted to be single, and alone, not because of other women but because he didn't want to be with me. he refused to stay over but i kept standing in his way as he tried to leave and at one point almost slapped him, though he blocked himself (i also didn't try with my full strength to hit him, i held back). it was such a mess. eventually he stayed and we made love, and in the morning i told him how much i loved him and that i was such a stupid little insecure girl and that i was going to work on my personal issues outside of the relationship and make sure it would never affect our relationship again. i told him that i have been going through a lot, including the divorce of my parents (which i only revealed to him last night). i told him that if we ever had similar issues again, that he could break up with me. i asked him if he was on board, and he didn't have an answer for me. all of this happened last night/this morning, and i don't know when i will hear from him. is all lost? is it over? i love him so much but i feel i have made such a fool of myself by begging and pleading and feel that he has no hope given his thought that the same mistakes will occur over and over again.
Well, I am not sure where you guys stand right now. I guess he needs some time to think. Give him a couple of days before contacting him. Then call him and make it clear where you stand. If he decides to break up, don't make all those mistakes again. Just accept it with grace and self-respect. And then follow the plan. You have a better chance of getting him back after breakup than you have convincing him to stay if he still wants to breakup.
hi kevin, thank you for your response. in an attempt to preserve some semblance of self-respect, i texted him this afternoon and said "i respect and accept your decision, what it may be. i just want you to be happy." i still haven't heard from him, and i don't know if i expect to today, but do you think that sort of text was helpful, especially when i basically told him that another chance is all i needed to prove how much i want to change in terms of insecurity, stupid issues, etc?
Yes, it was definitely helpful. Start no contact for 30 days.
Yes, it was definitely helpful. Start no contact for 30 days.
Yes, it was definitely helpful. Start no contact for 30 days.
Yes, it was definitely helpful. Start no contact for 30 days.
hi kevin, thank you for your response. in an attempt to preserve some semblance of self-respect, i texted him this afternoon and said "i respect and accept your decision, what it may be. i just want you to be happy." i still haven't heard from him, and i don't know if i expect to today, but do you think that sort of text was helpful, especially when i basically told him that another chance is all i needed to prove how much i want to change in terms of insecurity, stupid issues, etc?
hi kevin, thank you for your response. in an attempt to preserve some semblance of self-respect, i texted him this afternoon and said "i respect and accept your decision, what it may be. i just want you to be happy." i still haven't heard from him, and i don't know if i expect to today, but do you think that sort of text was helpful, especially when i basically told him that another chance is all i needed to prove how much i want to change in terms of insecurity, stupid issues, etc?
Well, I am not sure where you guys stand right now. I guess he needs some time to think. Give him a couple of days before contacting him. Then call him and make it clear where you stand. If he decides to break up, don't make all those mistakes again. Just accept it with grace and self-respect. And then follow the plan. You have a better chance of getting him back after breakup than you have convincing him to stay if he still wants to breakup.
Hi, so my boyfriend and I of a year broke up 4 1/2 weeks ago. He immediately got in what I'm terming a "rebound" relationship. And had been sleeping with us both until I found out about her two weeks ago. Until I found out about her we had been meeting about once a week and discussing our relationship, and he had hinted about me moving to Texas with him after graduation (college) in 3 months. So then I found out about this girl (luckily I didn't freak out) he didn't tell me though, I noticed she left things in his room. So the next week I went and got the remaining things I had at his place she was there but he had her stay in the basement. The next day she tagged him in a couple photos on her facebook. I wouldn't have seen them if it weren't for my friends as him and I are not friends on it right now. However, he still has things at my house and we both still have keys to the other's home. I know we are not done with each other (otherwise I wouldn't be here) and he wouldn't hide her from me (or so I'm assuming). So I think I'll apply the no contact rule, but what do you think about this other relationship?
Probably a rebound. I don't think you are done either.
Probably a rebound. I don't think you are done either.
Hey Kevin,
I've been into a 4 years long relationship. We both are 21. She broke up with me one month ago.
We belong to different religions but the magnitude of love was (and hopefully is) so much that we decided to marry each other and even gathered funds for the same. She gave all her funds to me with all her trust.
I want to patch up again coz I hope we can work it out this time me being more mature and understanding. But I want to return the funds as my instincts says that I should do this even if we patch up. It compromise my self respect now. So I told her to return the same but she said she wouldn't meet me again once I return the amount.
I'm confused whether to follow the no contact rule before returning the same or after that or what to do.
Moreover, She got a birthday coming next month . She made my birthday the most memorable and made it look like a festival with all my friends. I wished to do something special. (Making a birthday video as we can't meet).
I'm really confused about whether to do it or not. If yes, then what's the proper way of doing it. Please help!
Don't do the birthday thing. As for returning the funds, it's your call. Just because she says she doesn't want to meet you again after that doesn't mean she will not change her mind after no contact.
Don't do the birthday thing. As for returning the funds, it's your call. Just because she says she doesn't want to meet you again after that doesn't mean she will not change her mind after no contact.
hey Kevin
Me and my ex broke up like 3 weeks ago.We have been together for 2 years. We had wedding plans already. Out of no where She started to sleep out alot at her friends house which is a girl who she works with. She has moved some of her stuff out of my apartment. she still stops by every day to see our dog only when im not home and im at work. I found out that she was talking to a guy who she works with and she always called him as her friend. Then one day i notice that she blocked me from facebook and i found out that she is in a relationship with that same guy she called him a friend. She said she cant move the rest of her things out of my apartment cause she cant find a new place to live yet. She texts me everyother day asking about our dog . I try not to contact her and wait for her to contact me. i wanted to know if this guy is just a rebound or she has really moved on to another guy cause i really to love her to death.
It's probably a rebound. However, you should apply no contact and really think whether or not you want to be with her. There is a good chance she cheated on you while she was in the relationship with you. She chose not to talk about her problems and decided to bail instead of giving your relationship another chance.
Thanks for replying back
We were having some money issues when we were togther. Do you think there is a chance of us being together again or i should just try to move on with my life cause she was everything to me and i really want us to be back together again.
I think there's a chance. It's definitely worth giving it a shot once. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
I think there's a chance. It's definitely worth giving it a shot once. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
I think there's a chance. It's definitely worth giving it a shot once. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
I think there's a chance. It's definitely worth giving it a shot once. If it doesn't work, you can close this chapter and try to move on.
Thanks for replying back
We were having some money issues when we were togther. Do you think there is a chance of us being together again or i should just try to move on with my life cause she was everything to me and i really want us to be back together again.
Thanks for replying back
We were having some money issues when we were togther. Do you think there is a chance of us being together again or i should just try to move on with my life cause she was everything to me and i really want us to be back together again.
It's probably a rebound. However, you should apply no contact and really think whether or not you want to be with her. There is a good chance she cheated on you while she was in the relationship with you. She chose not to talk about her problems and decided to bail instead of giving your relationship another chance.
Love your article! I broke up with my boyfriend last weekend of 2 & 1/2 years. He's a great guy we have a lot of fun when we do get together. My problem is I am always last when it comes to time, for us to go out, or just stay in . It's always something with his family, job, kids (I understand), sports, gym & then me. I have talk to him repeatly about my feelings towards our relationship. We tried working it out communicating better, because he said he would change. Well it don't last, we are constantly bickering. It wasn't like this when we first got together, now he has to many distraction and they are conflict with our relationship. I know he loves me, but his actions are screwed up. I finally got fed up and ended our relationship, because I was starting to resent him & become unhappy. My situtaion is a little different then the ones I have read. I've been ignore him before I broke up with him which was 3 days & when I finally told him it's been another 3 days. Now today I received a text from him telling me he miss me & he wanted me to know this. Do I say anything back??? (and not to say I miss him) Just anything or stay mute like I've been doing. Right now I don't trust anything he has to say at this point. It's so fustrating because I do love him, but this is not a game & we are not twelve anymore & I know what I want.
Stay no contact. Don't reply. Talk to him after a couple of weeks (or a month) and state clearly what you want in life and if he is willing to give it to you. If not, you should move on.
Thanks Kevin!
It was their in my mind to stay silent. I just needed confirmation, I didn't want to be rude or childish. Reading more of your articles gave me a better understanding why the no contact is important. I did forget to mention he does have his car insurance under my name. That would be a one month contact with him when it's time to give me his half of the money. This already existed before the break happened & it's strickly business as well kept professtional like it should be. I do hope this can continue smoothly, I don't want to be "that bitter person" because we are not together I want you off my insurance. I think that's childish, so hopefully we can move foward like adults for insurance sake. If not then this will have to be a break-up too. Relationship....SMH.
Thanks Kevin!
It was their in my mind to stay silent. I just needed confirmation, I didn't want to be rude or childish. Reading more of your articles gave me a better understanding why the no contact is important. I did forget to mention he does have his car insurance under my name. That would be a one month contact with him when it's time to give me his half of the money. This already existed before the break happened & it's strickly business as well kept professtional like it should be. I do hope this can continue smoothly, I don't want to be "that bitter person" because we are not together I want you off my insurance. I think that's childish, so hopefully we can move foward like adults for insurance sake. If not then this will have to be a break-up too. Relationship....SMH.
Thanks Kevin!
It was their in my mind to stay silent. I just needed confirmation, I didn't want to be rude or childish. Reading more of your articles gave me a better understanding why the no contact is important. I did forget to mention he does have his car insurance under my name. That would be a one month contact with him when it's time to give me his half of the money. This already existed before the break happened & it's strickly business as well kept professtional like it should be. I do hope this can continue smoothly, I don't want to be "that bitter person" because we are not together I want you off my insurance. I think that's childish, so hopefully we can move foward like adults for insurance sake. If not then this will have to be a break-up too. Relationship....SMH.
Stay no contact. Don't reply. Talk to him after a couple of weeks (or a month) and state clearly what you want in life and if he is willing to give it to you. If not, you should move on.
Kevin,
My ex and I have been broken up for 3 months, last 2 not much talking. I sent an email to her last week, an apology letter and it doesn't state my feelings, many girls proof read it and they thought it was touching. My ex replied 1.5 days later saying she doesn't care a few times, noticing my Facebook (she blocked me 2 months ago), and said I'm the most frustrating person she has ever met. The break up wasn't bad and we talked for 3 weeks after it. Since early January, we haven't talked. The relationship was great and we loved each other for 16 months, wasn't perfect, but it was good. Why do you think she would reply like that? We had also talked about marriage and we were long distance for 16 months, we never gave up on each other and the reasons for the break up could be fixed.
Probably because your letter made you look needy.
Kevin, this is what I originally sent her. It's been over a month since and I've heard nothing. I know she is contact with her ex that she broke up with 2 years ago. He tried to sabotage our relationship and acted like a child, he is 39! Here is the letter:
Hello Nadine,
I've realized that you were right and that I was wrong. I hurt you, I betrayed your trust, and you deserve to have negative feelings towards me. I lied about things I had no need to lie about, I wasn't always emotionally available too (a wall) and I made you feel under appreciated, not to mention annoying you at points. I also judged you on your faith, which wasn't right. You believe in God like me, that's it.
I ask for your forgiveness and I am sorry how I hurt you Nadine, I truly mean it. I hope one day you can forgive me.
Thank you for all the great memories, the love and experiences we had, there are too many to list.
You made me want to implement new changes in my life and to fix things that should've been fixed a long time ago such as lack of communication, lying, etc.
Soon you'll have your University degree and I hope you got into your masters program. I cant make up my mind on either Guelph, York, or Waterloo, it's tough (Guelph and York accepted so far, football!).
Anyways, God is good and there is a lot to be thankful for. I do hope one day you will live for Christ again. Deut. 31:6
Sincerely,
Jason
Kevin, this is what I originally sent her. It's been over a month since and I've heard nothing. I know she is contact with her ex that she broke up with 2 years ago. He tried to sabotage our relationship and acted like a child, he is 39! Here is the letter:
Hello Nadine,
I've realized that you were right and that I was wrong. I hurt you, I betrayed your trust, and you deserve to have negative feelings towards me. I lied about things I had no need to lie about, I wasn't always emotionally available too (a wall) and I made you feel under appreciated, not to mention annoying you at points. I also judged you on your faith, which wasn't right. You believe in God like me, that's it.
I ask for your forgiveness and I am sorry how I hurt you Nadine, I truly mean it. I hope one day you can forgive me.
Thank you for all the great memories, the love and experiences we had, there are too many to list.
You made me want to implement new changes in my life and to fix things that should've been fixed a long time ago such as lack of communication, lying, etc.
Soon you'll have your University degree and I hope you got into your masters program. I cant make up my mind on either Guelph, York, or Waterloo, it's tough (Guelph and York accepted so far, football!).
Anyways, God is good and there is a lot to be thankful for. I do hope one day you will live for Christ again. Deut. 31:6
Sincerely,
Jason
Kevin, this is what I originally sent her. It's been over a month since and I've heard nothing. I know she is contact with her ex that she broke up with 2 years ago. He tried to sabotage our relationship and acted like a child, he is 39! Here is the letter:
Hello Nadine,
I've realized that you were right and that I was wrong. I hurt you, I betrayed your trust, and you deserve to have negative feelings towards me. I lied about things I had no need to lie about, I wasn't always emotionally available too (a wall) and I made you feel under appreciated, not to mention annoying you at points. I also judged you on your faith, which wasn't right. You believe in God like me, that's it.
I ask for your forgiveness and I am sorry how I hurt you Nadine, I truly mean it. I hope one day you can forgive me.
Thank you for all the great memories, the love and experiences we had, there are too many to list.
You made me want to implement new changes in my life and to fix things that should've been fixed a long time ago such as lack of communication, lying, etc.
Soon you'll have your University degree and I hope you got into your masters program. I cant make up my mind on either Guelph, York, or Waterloo, it's tough (Guelph and York accepted so far, football!).
Anyways, God is good and there is a lot to be thankful for. I do hope one day you will live for Christ again. Deut. 31:6
Sincerely,
Jason
Probably because your letter made you look needy.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up when I just came back from overseas exchange program. We had been dating for 3 years and when he broke up, he listed reasons like he wanted freedom, to be stress-free and he felt that the feelings faded. But I found out that he was already dating this new girl before I even came back home. She looks kind of similar to me, have the same similar personality, and they have been doing the same things that what we did. He has been avoiding me at all cost, and hiding the relationship very quietly which is very unlikely of him. I applied the no contact for 2 months but just recently I just gave him a birthday cake (because his birthday is near) thru a friend, and he told the friend not to do such things again and told her not to get involved.
Is there a possibility that this is a rebound relationship? And is there any hope that we can get back together?
Yes there is hope you will get back together and yes, it's probably a rebound. Also, don't ever try to get to your ex through a friend. It just seems desperate and needy.
Thanks for your fast reply. :) appreciate it much. Then how do I go about talking to him if he just keeps avoiding me and I can't get through a friend.
Thanks for your fast reply. :) appreciate it much. Then how do I go about talking to him if he just keeps avoiding me and I can't get through a friend.
Thanks for your fast reply. :) appreciate it much. Then how do I go about talking to him if he just keeps avoiding me and I can't get through a friend.
Yes there is hope you will get back together and yes, it's probably a rebound. Also, don't ever try to get to your ex through a friend. It just seems desperate and needy.
Hey Kevin, i'm 18 and my ex's 17.
I'm just going to tell you a bit of what's happening With me maybe you could help.
I've Had a 2 year relationship with this girl and then something happened and we broke up but we Didn't stop talking and She started seeing someone but we remained such as Close Friends and it's been a Year now since we broke up but Everything's still the Same.. But the Weird thing is that From times to times she Tells Me that she misses me and Misses how we were and She wants me .. And then suddently she becomes cold as ice on text messages.
I've always been there for her whenever she feels down and Same thing for her whenever i'm down and It still feels that the bond between us is still there but i don't know how she thinks !!!
What can you advice me to do? Should i start the No contact thing?
Thank you in advance
Yes, start no contact.
Yes, start no contact.
Hey Kevin!
So I've been on and off with my ex for almost 3 years. Every time I think we're doing really good he finds a reason to break up with me again. This time he seemed pretty serious and I feel like we're never getting back together. He says that we're just not right for each other. but if that's true why did he stay with me for so long and why does he keep coming back to me?!
He also likes this other girl now. He told me that she's going to be important in his life now but idk if he was just saying that to hurt me. He said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because he doesn't want to see me move on. I'm really sad. I just want him back but I feel like my chances are ruined. What do you think?
Your chances are not ruined. Follow the advise in the article.
Your chances are not ruined. Follow the advise in the article.
Will this work if I cheated on my husband? He moved out, and cut off all communication with me--which I deserve I know. I haven't contacted him or his friends or family. It will be 30 days next week. I mailed him a letter with an updated health insurance card, and in the letter I wrote that basically I won't fight him for anything when he decides to divorce. I said I had some news and I hope to talk to him one day but not right now. Do you think it will work? I don't want to lose him.
It's worth trying.
It's worth trying.
Hi Kevin,
I've been reading through your responses to various comments (which is so great of you, by the way). My boyfriend and I were together for four months and it was intense and almost perfect--we had a great connection. The last two weeks of our relationship went downhill because he felt pressure about about being with me and insecure as well (I'm much further along in my education and career than he is). Out of nowhere he asked for a break after we had a small disagreement where I was disappointed in him. Eventually we talked and he poured out his heart about how all his life he's struggled with feeling inadequate and like a failure because of being verbally abused by his father growing up. He said he needed to find himself and figure out what he wants in his future, but that doesn't mean that we can't be together again. He kept on hinting that we can make more memories together, but right now he wasn't in a place to be in a relationship--but the moment he was ready, that I'd be the first to know. He wants us to keep in touch and stay friends. The "going on a break" conversation was very painful for me and I did ask for him to consider going through his issues with a partner, which may have seemed needy. But after I said what I wanted to say, I quickly gave him space and left for vacation and he was contacting me almost every day while I was gone, and it's now been three days since I've heard from him (the longest we've ever gone not contacting each other). My plan has been is to never initiate contact with him, but to always reply positively and in a lighthearted manner. Does the "no contact" rule apply to my situation? I got over my heartbreak quickly (within a week) and easily jumped back into being single and doing my thing and taking care of myself. Since he is working through deep issues, I want to be supportive and available as a friend, but I don't want him to think I am waiting for him and start seeing me as only an option when he is ready to date again. I'm not sure if I should be positive / fun but still keep things at a distance when he does reach out to me, or if I should ask for space and do no contact for at least 30 days.
Hey,
I think I replied to your comment here. You are right with keeping limited contact and being postiive/fun.
Hey,
I think I replied to your comment here. You are right with keeping limited contact and being postiive/fun.
My ex and I broke up in November 2011 due to her cheating. We continued to talk and tried to fix things while she was now seeing this other person and I started getting out and seeing people. In May 2012 I met someone and it got seriouse, that we are still together today and my ex is also with someone for for almost the same amount of time now. Four days ago my ex called me and asked what I would say if she wanted to come back. I do love my ex dearly and would very much love for us to have a life together, however its been more than two years now and there are just so many questions, concerns and worries we both have. But mine is she cheated on me and then cheated on the next girl and it had carried on like this until she got with the girl she is with now. If we had to work at getting back together and asnswered all the questions and concerns we have for each other, do you think she would cheat on me again? Do I even give this a second thought or do I just stop it here and not give in to this?
I don't think it's worth taking the risk. Especially if the relationship you are in right now has a good potential.
I don't think it's worth taking the risk. Especially if the relationship you are in right now has a good potential.
Hi Kevin,
I would really like some advice. I'm at a complete loss. Let me tell you a little bit about what happened:
My boyfriend and I dated for almost 7 months. We were very, very serious and began planning a future together. We had a bond with each other neither of us had in previous relationships. He, however, has had an awful past, which has led to anger and trust issues. I convinced him that he needed help to get past this and finally truly be happy with himself. Well, he is taking my advice but a week ago broke up with me saying “I do love you and want to be with you. I just can’t right now but maybe our paths will cross again.” We unfollowed each other on social media to make it easier. I let him be for a day but he got angry about something I tweeted (meaning he cares and was checking up on me since he had to search?) and in turn, tweeted something that made me angry. I called him and we got in an argument; him saying he never wanted to see me again, to stay out of his life, and he was going to move on to others. I immediately started no contact. He’s talked to my best friend and at first it sounded like he was truly upset but now he’s starting to say he wants to just move on with his life. He’s the type of guy that loves to be reassured, shown he’s loved, and wants to be fought for. Since he is that way, do you think I’m pushing him away with no contact or should I keep with it? (it’s been 1 week of no contact and I haven’t heard from him) I just don't know what to do. I'm so afraid the no contact is out of sight out of mind. Any advice you have is much appreciated! :)
I don't think you are pushing him away with no contact. Even if you are, it's just for one month and he will appreciate you talking to him more after he has had the opportunity to miss you.
I don't think you are pushing him away with no contact. Even if you are, it's just for one month and he will appreciate you talking to him more after he has had the opportunity to miss you.
hello kevin my ex gf broke with me at the start of janu and untill now we spoke few times(i always made the contact the 1st time i was moving too fast with her and we had a little fight and stoped the contact) and after 1month we had a small on facebook wishing her the best and im ok with the situation after 22days(today) w/o me contacting her, SHE! contacted me and asked how i was doing and if im ok we had a small talk but i only answered to what she was asking, and i asked her if she wants to talk on the phone once i get into the home and she said no, she just wanted to see how i was doing. in what situation i am and what do i must do? do i have any hope to get back with her?
Contact her after a week using the methods described in the article.
Contact her after a week using the methods described in the article.
Kevin,
I have been with my, well now my ex, for 3 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have a child together. We started having a lot of issue's after our son was born, long story short I kicked him out last November. We ended up trying to work things out, but I found out he has a girlfriend the time we were apart, a 21 year old girlfriend at that. We decided we were going to try and work things out. He moved home in January, and than he started being distant... well, I decided to follow him one day and the girl that he was dating, showed up there to pick him up. that was it. I told him to pack up and move on. But, I have a lot of time invested in this, and I just want to know if you think this I the girl for him? is it a rebound?
Probably a rebound. Worth giving it another shot. Try the 5 step plan.
Probably a rebound. Worth giving it another shot. Try the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of 8 incredible months just broke up with me kind of out of the blue. Granted we were doing long distance, but we had the most incredible connection and were madly in love. Him so I think more than me. He had been in a relationship for 6.5 years over 2 years ago, and him and all of his friends and family when I met them, said they had never seen him as happy and as in love with anyone, as he was with me. Same with my friends, they told me they have never met two people who were so happy together. I got the incredible opportunity to go and spend 5 weeks with my company where he lives in London, and we had the best time. Spent every moment together, and got along so incredibly. He even talked with my parents on the phone on Valentines Day, and said he couldn't wait to see them this summer. He told me when I was leaving that it just reaffirmed everything he thought, but made him realize he needed to get his stuff together for me. He even had me trying on rings, and practiced proposing. When I left it was extremely hard for the both of us. My company is working on relocating me out there by the end of this year, but financially its not going well for him, and i know he can't really spend money right now. I offered to fly and see him, but he wouldn't allow it. Its been 4 weeks since I've been out there, and he all of a sudden started pulling away and told me something happened the day after I left and he doesn't know what it was. He tried figuring it out and couldn't. He still loved me and cared for me, and was still was sexually attracted to me, but he said he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't even list a reason, he just kept saying he didn't know, and said he can't do the distance. Even though after at the beginning of the conversation, he said he wasn't ready to break up with me. I'm extremely confused and have a trip already booked to see him in May. He tried contacting me two days after he broke up with me as I gave him an ultimatum that he broke it off I wouldn't speak to him again. He was checking in on me, and I ignored him and he got mad. I wrote him back today and was arguing with him, something of which we never even did, and told him I needed space, as he was getting defensive. Do you have any advice? Do you think there's still hope for this?
Yeah, there is still hope. Tell him that you think he needs some space and time to figure out what he wants. Tell him that it's best if both of you don't talk for a month. Contact him after a month and see where he is at.
Yeah, there is still hope. Tell him that you think he needs some space and time to figure out what he wants. Tell him that it's best if both of you don't talk for a month. Contact him after a month and see where he is at.
hey kevin,
he says that i should only friends not more,and i should not hope for him to become more than that,
he says he didnt love me anymore.. and didnt want me ,didnt even want to try.. it seems like he is determined,what should i do
Follow the 5 step plan. It's OK if he just wants to be friends. Tell him that you accept the breakup and you look forward to being friends.
Follow the 5 step plan. It's OK if he just wants to be friends. Tell him that you accept the breakup and you look forward to being friends.
Hi Kevin,
My ex boyfriend and I were together for a year and 4 months and we were going through al ot and all of a sudden a boy told me that he was trying to talk to another girl so when I asked him about it he told me he wasn't but then in a text message she was like oh I did give her my number and I do kind of like her a little so I try to deal with that and so many people were trying to talk to him about it and even I.when I asked him was we going to get back together he told me yea but not now!!But he go out with someone else how do I get him back?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi
Kevin i am doing the no contact rule right now and im just wondering if i will go out with some girls am i going to post it in facebook is it ok to let my ex girlfriend see it??? And what if she will ask me if some of those are my new girlfriend and then i will explain to her that its just my friends am i breaking the no contact rule if i explain to her???
It's OK as long as you don't make too obvious that you are doing it just to make her jealous. Yes, it will be breaking the no contact.
It's OK as long as you don't make too obvious that you are doing it just to make her jealous. Yes, it will be breaking the no contact.
I am 49 years old and I was in a relationship for almost four years. My ex boyfriend left me because I get upset with him about things that many times didn't make sense to argue about. He is 51 years old and doesn't like to argue about anything. I treated him bad several times. I regret each one of them and apologized from the bottom of my heart because it hurt me hurting him. I regret every time I did it. The first time he told me that he need it a separation to think things out and after a month I called him and we got back together. Then when I fell in the same behavior he just stopped calling me and then I called him and we got back together. Then we decided to go to a therapist for almost 6 to eight months. I improved my behavior and I told him that we should work in our relationship in our own because I felt that we were relying too much in the therapist and that we had to have someone as a mediator to have a good relationship. He agrees and after some time I was acting in the same way. Last September a got mad about him not finding an address while we were going to another state, he felt offended and didn't want to talk to me again. As usual I asked him to forgive me and he told me that he needed it think things out. I told him that I'll respect whatever he'll decide, that I didn't know why I acted that way, however he told me that he was going to call me. I didn't contact him hoping he will do it, but he never did it.
After six months I contacted him by phone and asked him why he never called me as he told me before and said that he was thinking about everything and that he will called me the next day, but he never did it. He didn't called me.... until two weeks later because I had a clog in the kitchen sink and I asked him what to do, he just told me to remove the water, but didn't offer to come to help me. Then I asked him why he didn't called me as he told me last time we spoke and he said that he thought I said I was going to called him, however he said that he will call me the next day which he did. That day we talked about what was going on in our lives and he asked me why I acted the way acted before and I told him that I didn't know, that all this time I been working to improve in those areas that I was wrong. Then he told me that he was going on vacation for two weeks. He call me the day before he went on vacation and when he came back didn't called me. I decided to call him after two weeks to see what was going on, but he never picked up the phone. Last week I saw him in the train station and I waved at him and I asked him to come to meet me. He came and I asked him why he didn't called me when he got back from his vacation and he told me that he was thinking things out. Then I told him that I have change and that I didn't want to be in relationship doing more harm than good. He told me that he was going to think about. However, this week he came to tell me that he was talking with a person that he used to like and that she was telling him that before they start dating she wanted to talk with me and him to find out why we ended our relationship. I told him that I was not going to do that and that I never asked his ex wife why she got divorce from him. I felt hurt because that mean that when he was taking breaks in the relationship he was talking to her which for me is very dishonest. He told me that he was friend with this woman for a long time and that he is 51 and that he wants to get married that time is passing and wants to get married. He told me that he thought that I have a boyfriend already. Then he started to tell me all the bad moments he had with me that everything was bad in the relationship and why I acted the way I acted with him when he only did good things for me and that I probably never loved him and I told him that I love him and that I have changed. Nevertheless he told me that a person never changes and that his boss told him that a person only changes a little. That the person changes only until they get married and after that they go back to what they are. I told him that I want to get married to be happy not to live a miserable life. He said that we have tried many times and that we even went to therapy and I decided to stop it. He also mentioned that he wanted to go to the psychologist we used to go. I asked him if I could go with him and said,no. I mentioned to him that I went to see the psychologist last week that if he wanted I could make the appointment for him and said, no.
I been very sad these days, but that is not the reason I want him back in my life, it is because in this lasts months I've had been more mindful about my temper and I feel that if we try one more time things can work much better. I know that I love him, and I don't know if we could have one last opportunity to try. I hope you can help me with your advice.
Thanks in advance for helping me and help others.
Hey Monica,
I think the best thing for you to do is to approach him from a different angle. Don't talk about getting back together, just meet him as a friend and have fun with him. Instead of telling him you've changed, show him that. And the only way you can show him that is by spending time with him. And the only way you can spend time with his is as a friend. The thoughts of getting back with you will start popping up in his head when he sees you've changed. And don't ever ask him why he didn't call. It makes you look needy.
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions, but I don't think this can be possible because he is probably already dating the woman I mentioned before in the first email I sent you. Last Friday I went to the psychologist and she told me that he went to see her. I asked her if he is going to get married and she told me that she can't tell me anything he tells her to me and vice-verse. I apologize for asking her that and also I told her that I understand that she is doing the right thing. However, she told me that she was going to tell him that I am also meeting her. I wonder why he is seeing the doctor again.
I don't know what to do because if he told me that he wanted that I talk with the woman he is about to date that mean that he doesn't have any feelings for me and I don't see the way to keep him as a friend if he doesn't talk to me anymore.
What else can I do then?
Thanks again for answering my previous email. I appreciate it very much.
Monica
Let him date the other woman. It doesn't matter. You can still approach him as a friend and start spending time with him. If you don't contact him for a while and then message him, then he will start talking to you again as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin, I called him and he told me that I needed to talk to him and he told me "what do you need to talk about?" I told him about something that I have in my chest . He told me to call him in an hour and I asked him to do it in person but he say no. In any case I told him to give me another chance and no to commit with that girl until we try one more time, but he told me that I was not ready to get marry and never will that we have to go separate ways and that the therapist was going to talk with me. When I went to see the therapist she told me that he didn't want to talk with me because he is fine where he is now that if he sees me is to give me closure. The therapist words were like stabs in my heart. I lost him and I feel empty inside an so hurt and broken hearted. I love him with all my heart. Please tell me what else I can do. I need your help this is so hard. How can I recover his love when everything seems to be hopeless. And he is probably organizing his wedding.
Hey Monica,
I am sorry this happened. At this time, I'll recommend that you concentrate on moving on. I know you probably don't want to hear this from me and you are expecting me to tell you that there is a chance and you should try more. But I can't say that. If you want, you can wait another one month and try contacting him again, but I think your chances are very less and it's not worth spending more time pursuing him. I am sure if you accept the breakup and start concentrating on making yourself happy, you will eventually get over him and feel better.
Hey Monica,
I am sorry this happened. At this time, I'll recommend that you concentrate on moving on. I know you probably don't want to hear this from me and you are expecting me to tell you that there is a chance and you should try more. But I can't say that. If you want, you can wait another one month and try contacting him again, but I think your chances are very less and it's not worth spending more time pursuing him. I am sure if you accept the breakup and start concentrating on making yourself happy, you will eventually get over him and feel better.
Hey Monica,
I am sorry this happened. At this time, I'll recommend that you concentrate on moving on. I know you probably don't want to hear this from me and you are expecting me to tell you that there is a chance and you should try more. But I can't say that. If you want, you can wait another one month and try contacting him again, but I think your chances are very less and it's not worth spending more time pursuing him. I am sure if you accept the breakup and start concentrating on making yourself happy, you will eventually get over him and feel better.
Hey Monica,
I am sorry this happened. At this time, I'll recommend that you concentrate on moving on. I know you probably don't want to hear this from me and you are expecting me to tell you that there is a chance and you should try more. But I can't say that. If you want, you can wait another one month and try contacting him again, but I think your chances are very less and it's not worth spending more time pursuing him. I am sure if you accept the breakup and start concentrating on making yourself happy, you will eventually get over him and feel better.
Hey Monica,
I am sorry this happened. At this time, I'll recommend that you concentrate on moving on. I know you probably don't want to hear this from me and you are expecting me to tell you that there is a chance and you should try more. But I can't say that. If you want, you can wait another one month and try contacting him again, but I think your chances are very less and it's not worth spending more time pursuing him. I am sure if you accept the breakup and start concentrating on making yourself happy, you will eventually get over him and feel better.
Hey Monica,
I am sorry this happened. At this time, I'll recommend that you concentrate on moving on. I know you probably don't want to hear this from me and you are expecting me to tell you that there is a chance and you should try more. But I can't say that. If you want, you can wait another one month and try contacting him again, but I think your chances are very less and it's not worth spending more time pursuing him. I am sure if you accept the breakup and start concentrating on making yourself happy, you will eventually get over him and feel better.
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions. I'll try that.
Hi Kevin, I called him and he told me that I needed to talk to him and he told me "what do you need to talk about?" I told him about something that I have in my chest . He told me to call him in an hour and I asked him to do it in person but he say no. In any case I told him to give me another chance and no to commit with that girl until we try one more time, but he told me that I was not ready to get marry and never will that we have to go separate ways and that the therapist was going to talk with me. When I went to see the therapist she told me that he didn't want to talk with me because he is fine where he is now that if he sees me is to give me closure. The therapist words were like stabs in my heart. I lost him and I feel empty inside an so hurt and broken hearted. I love him with all my heart. Please tell me what else I can do. I need your help this is so hard. How can I recover his love when everything seems to be hopeless. And he is probably organizing his wedding.
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions. I'll try that.
Hi Kevin, I called him and he told me that I needed to talk to him and he told me "what do you need to talk about?" I told him about something that I have in my chest . He told me to call him in an hour and I asked him to do it in person but he say no. In any case I told him to give me another chance and no to commit with that girl until we try one more time, but he told me that I was not ready to get marry and never will that we have to go separate ways and that the therapist was going to talk with me. When I went to see the therapist she told me that he didn't want to talk with me because he is fine where he is now that if he sees me is to give me closure. The therapist words were like stabs in my heart. I lost him and I feel empty inside an so hurt and broken hearted. I love him with all my heart. Please tell me what else I can do. I need your help this is so hard. How can I recover his love when everything seems to be hopeless. And he is probably organizing his wedding.
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions. I'll try that.
Hi Kevin, I called him and he told me that I needed to talk to him and he told me "what do you need to talk about?" I told him about something that I have in my chest . He told me to call him in an hour and I asked him to do it in person but he say no. In any case I told him to give me another chance and no to commit with that girl until we try one more time, but he told me that I was not ready to get marry and never will that we have to go separate ways and that the therapist was going to talk with me. When I went to see the therapist she told me that he didn't want to talk with me because he is fine where he is now that if he sees me is to give me closure. The therapist words were like stabs in my heart. I lost him and I feel empty inside an so hurt and broken hearted. I love him with all my heart. Please tell me what else I can do. I need your help this is so hard. How can I recover his love when everything seems to be hopeless. And he is probably organizing his wedding.
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions. I'll try that.
Hi Kevin, I called him and he told me that I needed to talk to him and he told me "what do you need to talk about?" I told him about something that I have in my chest . He told me to call him in an hour and I asked him to do it in person but he say no. In any case I told him to give me another chance and no to commit with that girl until we try one more time, but he told me that I was not ready to get marry and never will that we have to go separate ways and that the therapist was going to talk with me. When I went to see the therapist she told me that he didn't want to talk with me because he is fine where he is now that if he sees me is to give me closure. The therapist words were like stabs in my heart. I lost him and I feel empty inside an so hurt and broken hearted. I love him with all my heart. Please tell me what else I can do. I need your help this is so hard. How can I recover his love when everything seems to be hopeless. And he is probably organizing his wedding.
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions. I'll try that.
Let him date the other woman. It doesn't matter. You can still approach him as a friend and start spending time with him. If you don't contact him for a while and then message him, then he will start talking to you again as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Let him date the other woman. It doesn't matter. You can still approach him as a friend and start spending time with him. If you don't contact him for a while and then message him, then he will start talking to you again as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Let him date the other woman. It doesn't matter. You can still approach him as a friend and start spending time with him. If you don't contact him for a while and then message him, then he will start talking to you again as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions, but I don't think this can be possible because he is probably already dating the woman I mentioned before in the first email I sent you. Last Friday I went to the psychologist and she told me that he went to see her. I asked her if he is going to get married and she told me that she can't tell me anything he tells her to me and vice-verse. I apologize for asking her that and also I told her that I understand that she is doing the right thing. However, she told me that she was going to tell him that I am also meeting her. I wonder why he is seeing the doctor again.
I don't know what to do because if he told me that he wanted that I talk with the woman he is about to date that mean that he doesn't have any feelings for me and I don't see the way to keep him as a friend if he doesn't talk to me anymore.
What else can I do then?
Thanks again for answering my previous email. I appreciate it very much.
Monica
Hi Kevin, thanks for your suggestions, but I don't think this can be possible because he is probably already dating the woman I mentioned before in the first email I sent you. Last Friday I went to the psychologist and she told me that he went to see her. I asked her if he is going to get married and she told me that she can't tell me anything he tells her to me and vice-verse. I apologize for asking her that and also I told her that I understand that she is doing the right thing. However, she told me that she was going to tell him that I am also meeting her. I wonder why he is seeing the doctor again.
I don't know what to do because if he told me that he wanted that I talk with the woman he is about to date that mean that he doesn't have any feelings for me and I don't see the way to keep him as a friend if he doesn't talk to me anymore.
What else can I do then?
Thanks again for answering my previous email. I appreciate it very much.
Monica
Hey Monica,
I think the best thing for you to do is to approach him from a different angle. Don't talk about getting back together, just meet him as a friend and have fun with him. Instead of telling him you've changed, show him that. And the only way you can show him that is by spending time with him. And the only way you can spend time with his is as a friend. The thoughts of getting back with you will start popping up in his head when he sees you've changed. And don't ever ask him why he didn't call. It makes you look needy.
My ex is about 6 years older than me. We had a long distance relationship for about a year after we met online. Fell in love etc etc. but i had a mood swing one day. dumped him and blocked him. couple months later i unblocked him. and apologized. it looked like he was willing to take me back but once he admitted it i turned him down immediately having another sudden mood swing. he said he would wait forever for me. i said good luck. a couple months later i started dating this person. i didnt know he was a rebound up until now. i realized he didnt make me happy completely and i still missed my ex. so i told my ex that but he said hes over me and just wants to be friends. he had a short term gf last month but they broke up. we skype and text alot. but today i made the desicion to break up with my boyfriend now and go for him full time. i did that and i, again, for probably the 5th time, declared my love for him to him. I don't know what else to do. help! what do i do!
Well, apply no contact for another month (or two) and then contact him. This time, don't let your mood swings affect your decision.
Well, apply no contact for another month (or two) and then contact him. This time, don't let your mood swings affect your decision.
hey well we just broke up and she had just gotten off a relationship before me. Based on what you said, I'm feeling like the rebound and i don't know if these tips are going to help. i treated her very good and its hard specially because we work in the same warehouse but different departments. its weird seeing her and i completely ignore her. i just spoke to her on monday and told her that i just wanted us to be friends. i am going to apply the no contact for the amount of time mentioned then write her the letter. what do you suggest?
It's worth trying.
It's worth trying.
My girlfriend was all good and serious for me for an year or so after an year of fighting, i had lost that charm in the relationship, i was so hurt and she was unable to do anything about it, but i gave lots of tries, it started working out, all was going so well, then i was again stuck by something and did not meet her for 3-4 months in the meantime she went to other guy in a rebound relationship and i chased her to an extent that i think she got frustrated, but i was stuck by something, she said she wants to be with me and make out with me but is not sure about our commitment as she has already hurt me by being with someone else she does not wants to do this again.
She is utterly confused i know that, i tried to make her understand, i fear no contact will take her away and telling about no contact will cause less effects. She says she has no trust on herself now and can not see me being more hurt, but also wanna stay with me. She breaks up with me every other day then start talking.
Read this article.
Read this article.
Hi Kevin
I dont know what to make of this txt from my partner that just broke up with me two nights ago. We were together for 4 years and we had an argument which resulted in him saying goodnight and goodbye to me to which I didnt reply, then I get this txt two days later, please help!? what does it mean?
Hey, I dont want to lag stuff on and start something.But I want to say this once. I want to thank you for all the time and effort you put into me and this relationship. You taught me alot and i have taken in alot from what you have said over the past few years. You are the love of my life and i regret letting you go but i cant be man enough for you and i feel we had bought each other down and we are both two people in different worlds who magically collided past each other and fell in love. It felt like romeo and juliet. Both sides hated our hearts being together and it made us very unhappy and i pointed the blame at you and you pointed the blame at me it was a big loop going round and round. all i wish for you is to be happy and find that place you were looking for that i could not fill.i feel like i have failed in both mine and your life and that i could have done better but at least i tried the best i could while under the influence of other people.
he has sent me a txt like this before and we have got back together. why is it so on and off with him? please help i dont know whether to ignore or reply i love him so dearly and have tried everything to make it work including changing as a person to try and be accepted by him and his family/friends. I feel confused and dont know what to do right now. I really feel like i have been the loyal loving person to him that i can be. things went pear shaped after he cheated on me about 6months ago but i gave him yet another chance because i really thought he was the one..
Please help, do i ignore or reply? :(
thank you!!
Ignore. Apply no contact. He will probably want to get back together after a while. This time, talk to him before getting back that you can't do this on and off relationship and if he wants to get back together, he needs to be hundred percent sure he wants this.
Ignore. Apply no contact. He will probably want to get back together after a while. This time, talk to him before getting back that you can't do this on and off relationship and if he wants to get back together, he needs to be hundred percent sure he wants this.
Hi!
I'm confuse about my situation, I don't know which road to go to....
He's turning 24, I'm turning 23; together for four years.
When he broke up with me, I've found out that he had developed an interest in his colleague (now ex-colleague since he has started his new career for two months now) two months before the end of our relationship. He said with her everything is fresh, no fighting no nothing and he likes that. I started to pull myself up and improve myself about 5 days after break up. Did NC immediately after break up for two weeks but broke it after being influenced by a relative and got back in contact for a week. During the week, he seemed happy to hear from me and we met once. Said he was still sexually attracted to me, so....things happened but no sex. Our emotions then got the better of us, he couldn't make a decision of me or her. Said before part of him wanted to try again on a clean slate but he's afraid the same things will happened since I said things would be different after the first two times he asked for a break up. Cried while hugging me and telling me he still loves me etc. I got panic attack and started acting crazy. Long story short, he told me we wouldn't be talking or meeting anymore cos I said I couldn't be his friend knowing I want something more. So then I decided to cut communication (I didn't see it as NC cos he clearly said no talking/meeting anymore, I guess I took that as forever), forgave myself for losing control that one night. Things got better for me during that period cos I focused on myself solely, did everything I could to improve on areas that needed improvement. I accepted what had happened, and I forgave all three parties involved. Me, him and her. Pain does change people, and I guess it changed me. About two weeks later, he came back. First two texts already implying he was thinking about me, and he asked me out. Then on, he has been initiating contacts daily. Weeks later, the good morning and good night wishes started to become constant instead of the usual random texts in the evening. I was in control, didn't seem eager nor did I seem desperate. I only agreed to meet him after he asked for the fourth time. Ever since that, he has been asking me to meet him at least once or twice a week (his weekdays are spent in camp, only his weekends spare available) for gym, or dinner with his family....etc. I asked why did he come back he said I was his best friend and I was always there for him when it felt like his world is crumbling and he didn't know who else to turn to. He slipped when he told me he's still dependent on me. Asked if he's talking to me as a friend or if he thinks we could be something more in future, he said "I guess as a friend." I didn't acknowledge that and texted him like normal the next day.
I know he's still seeing the other girl (whom I assumed is a rebound he got lined up before we broke up?). He doesn't talk at all about her. Until the previous day that we met. I found out he didn't ask her to be his gf, but just sorta assume they are together. Started exchanging iloveyous too. But from scale 1 - 10 of how much he loves her (10 being a lot), he rated her a 5 going to 6. As for me, he didn't want to rate at first cos I'm not even on the list but then he said "You've always been in my heart, you're a 10." Said he's still attracted to me, got jealous when he asked about my dating lives and I answered his questions, said I set the bar to high the girl doesn't even come close, he's always searching for me in her but couldn't find me, couldn't get the quality of love he felt from me from her, certain things he did to me previously that hurt me are happening to him as she is doing it to him, still hasn't forgiven himself for hurting me, and sexual things happened one more time but no sex. And he has been a whole lot nicer to me as compared to how he treated me two years towards the end of our relationship. He still cares about me, a lot. And deep in my heart, I know he still loves me.
What do you think I should do from here? Thanks in advance, if this is too long and you cannot approve this....could you email me? :)
Continue staying in touch with him for a couple of months. Keep meeting him and having a great time. But don't be needy and don't sleep with him unless he breaks up with that girl. If after a couple of months nothing changes, give him an ultimatum. Either he gets back together or you move on.
Last Friday we went for a movie (I invited him to it in the spur of the moment, didn't realize it sounded like I was asking him out on a date until it was pointed out by others). Long story short, he cares a lot about me, he initiated emotional romantic talks which I tried not to get into again after the previous time, found ways to touch me somehow kissed me a few times but before it could lead to a full make out session or anything sexual I said things to make him leave like it was getting late and such. The next day I spent it at a wedding ceremony with him and his family which he invited me to, and today (Sunday), he spent it at another wedding ceremony with the rebound girl since it was their mutual friend's (they used to work together until my ex quitted) wedding.
Does it seem like he wants his cake and eat it too?
Yes it does.
Yes it does.
Yes it does.
Yes it does.
Last Friday we went for a movie (I invited him to it in the spur of the moment, didn't realize it sounded like I was asking him out on a date until it was pointed out by others). Long story short, he cares a lot about me, he initiated emotional romantic talks which I tried not to get into again after the previous time, found ways to touch me somehow kissed me a few times but before it could lead to a full make out session or anything sexual I said things to make him leave like it was getting late and such. The next day I spent it at a wedding ceremony with him and his family which he invited me to, and today (Sunday), he spent it at another wedding ceremony with the rebound girl since it was their mutual friend's (they used to work together until my ex quitted) wedding.
Does it seem like he wants his cake and eat it too?
Last Friday we went for a movie (I invited him to it in the spur of the moment, didn't realize it sounded like I was asking him out on a date until it was pointed out by others). Long story short, he cares a lot about me, he initiated emotional romantic talks which I tried not to get into again after the previous time, found ways to touch me somehow kissed me a few times but before it could lead to a full make out session or anything sexual I said things to make him leave like it was getting late and such. The next day I spent it at a wedding ceremony with him and his family which he invited me to, and today (Sunday), he spent it at another wedding ceremony with the rebound girl since it was their mutual friend's (they used to work together until my ex quitted) wedding.
Does it seem like he wants his cake and eat it too?
Continue staying in touch with him for a couple of months. Keep meeting him and having a great time. But don't be needy and don't sleep with him unless he breaks up with that girl. If after a couple of months nothing changes, give him an ultimatum. Either he gets back together or you move on.
Hey Kevin,
We decided to try no contact for two weeks but his sister told me he had feelings for someone today and I freaked out, he told me he didn't, but I called and asked him and he said he liked her a lot now, he talks to her for hours every day, but shes in another state and dating someone right now. He told me my presence brings him stress and he doesn't want us because he doesn't love me, doesn't feel anything for me, and isn't interested in me because he's "been there, done that." He says he has hardly a shred of hope for us being even friends. I kept asking him questions and I asked him first if I could telling him I didn't want to anger him, at the end he said "You know what screw this, f you, get out of my life permanently, I don't want you in my life, I don't want you, I don't care about you, I feel nothing for you, we aren't happening ever again, don't ever speak to me again." He blocked me on everything. I panicked and went to his house and he came outside, he had his defenses up and screamed at me to leave him alone, and I asked if this is permanent and he said yes, and I asked are you sure and he's like there's a tiny shred that we might be friends but for now this is permanent. He threatened to call the police and counted down from ten, I left. I cried outside and eventually his older sister came out and told me he was saying it out of anger and that she thinks he still loves me even though he says he doesn't and that I need to give him time and space. His entire family loves me and told me the same, but in the end its up to him and I don't know how to make him interested in me, he says he doesn't feel anything for me, even though yesterday he was flirty and held my hand, how do I make him want us? Kevin how do I get my boyfriend back when he wants absolutely nothing, has no hope, and doesn't want us?
So me and my ex broke up almost 4 years ago and and he has "moved on" he tells me I also have a bf but he just got in contact with my sister and asked for me and then he asked to talked to me with the excuse of trying to help me move on he said he told his new gf of 1 year and 6 months that he wanted to talk to me and help me.. idk if he wants to get me back or he wants me back im so counfucied we talked like for about 2 hours and he told me that he wouldn't leave his gf that his just calling me to help me and then he told me that he was goi g to keep on calling me every once in a while I need help im afraid of getting more attached to him I need your help idkif he misses me and wants us to have another chance with me im counfucied help
He wants to help you move on after 4 years? That's kind of strange. I think he might want to try again with you or maybe he is just looking to find a way to sleep with you.
He wants to help you move on after 4 years? That's kind of strange. I think he might want to try again with you or maybe he is just looking to find a way to sleep with you.
Hi me and my ex broke up after 11 years was a bad break up and now he claims he's moving on, I've begged him but he's not interested he's off somewhere finding Somewhere else to live when I found this I was even more hurt because I was like how can he do this to me after 11 years?
Already have like I said I am really sorry it ended like this I got angry and you did and a lot of things accumulated up and down all the time too much can be said about both of us but am really sorry on my part and hope one day u find it in ur heart to forgive me thanks for the years we spent together.
When I read this I burst into tears because he has truly gone and made that decision to leave for good
It could be he has decided to leave for good. I'll recommend you to start no contact for 2 months and do the things it says in the article to do during no contact.
It could be he has decided to leave for good. I'll recommend you to start no contact for 2 months and do the things it says in the article to do during no contact.
hi Kevin my girlfriend am i have been together for two years. the first year we did spend together, but the second i moved to go pursue my dream of becoming a pilot. we have been together in the long distance for about 10 months, and now i only have 4 months to go and i will be done. but she broke up with me, a week ago. i do not know the reason of her doing that, but i know that there is still something between us, the long distance just became to hard to handle. i really need advice on how to win her heart back if i can.
Apply no contact for another 2-3 months. Contact her before going back. when you go back, meet her.
Apply no contact for another 2-3 months. Contact her before going back. when you go back, meet her.
Hi,
I like your advice - your tone conveys a very reasonable, level approach that I think most dating websites lack. It normally feels frantic and hysteric reading advice elsewhere. I particularly like what you say about giving yourself time and space (through no contact) to feed your happiness and work on who you are. Brilliant.
Thanks!
Thanks for your comment Ashley. I am glad you like my articles.
Thanks for your comment Ashley. I am glad you like my articles.
I'm really not one for relationships. I pretty much stay away from them because I feel that's going to protect me from getting hurt. However, a couple of years ago, after two serious relationships, I met someone who I really "clicked" with. I got all the symptoms of a girl who was crushing. After a few dates, I slept with him. It was probably the worst, and most awkward, experience I went through, but we still kept seeing each other. I was over the moon because he was just what I needed. He was funny, good looking, confident, great taste in music, spoiled me with affection (and sometimes material things), my friends and family loved him, and even opened the door for me wherever we were like a true gentleman. A month or so in, he asked me to be his girlfriend, which I obviously accepted. But in a blink of an eye, he turned into the complete opposite of what he had shown me. I tried reasoning it by telling myself it was all in my head, but I wasn't the only one who noticed it. We still had good times but most of the time he was accusing me of something ridiculous so we'd end up in an argument. Finally, I gave him an ultimatum; either he changes his ways, or we break up. He didn't want to change. I asked him, "why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend to begin with?" And his response was, "I don't know." So, I did the deed. We tried being friends but the attraction was too strong and we just kept messing around. So, typical girl me, assumed this was him trying to get back with me. After a year of fooling around, on and off, he told me he loved me. I responded the same, and I was absolutely thrilled. Then, he stopped texting me. My stalker self found out he was sleeping around with someone else (unsure if it was when we were sleeping around still, or after). A month or so later, contacted me again. We spent a night of passion together, and again, disappeared for a week. When i confronted him about it, he made it seem so petty and made me feel used. Two months after that, I contacted him, strictly out of desperation for a ride. He ended up "kidnappings" me and after hours of him spilling his guts out, I gave in to him again. We were going amazingly solid for about a month. No arguments, no problems, no complaints. He kept asking me how I felt about him and I assured him I loved him. He ended up going through some financial hardship for losing his job and I gladly assisted. I loved the guy so I wanted to help. Around this time, I also told him that i would be moving out of town. His response was that he wanted to come with me. That was the exact response I wanted. Then after a couple more weeks, he slowly started distancing himself. Didn't help that his phone got disconnected. So I would go to his place and make sure to tell him when I would drop by again. That weekend, I showed up every night for three nights, without an answer, until the third night. Which happened to be the night I peeped through his open window to see a naked girl laying in his bed. What hurt me the most was his reaction. Like, he didn't see what the big deal was. Like he didn't care. I just didn't want him to see me cry so I walked away. Months later I contacted him once or twice for my money but eventually gave up on the idea because I didn't find it worth my time for all the excuses he was giving me. I started a fling shortly after with a coworker who, quite honestly, has got to be one of the hottest men I've ever been with, but still I consider him a rebound. Now that I've already moved, I'm no longer with the rebound (just friends), but I still catch myself thinking about the ex. I feel I don't have closure. Especially since he's writing to me on social networks (just minor comments. Nothing revealing). I feel I want him back because I believe deep down inside he was purposely pulling away to avoid attachment. But we had something and I'm willing to give it another shot. Do you think it's worth my time, or is he just a jerk who played me and I should let go?
I think you are risking more hurt by pursuing him. You shouldn't try to avoid relationships altogether, but you should try to avoid relationships like this where you spend two years being on and off with a guy without any progress. I don't think you have a future with him. I'll also suggest you remove him from social networks.
I think you are risking more hurt by pursuing him. You shouldn't try to avoid relationships altogether, but you should try to avoid relationships like this where you spend two years being on and off with a guy without any progress. I don't think you have a future with him. I'll also suggest you remove him from social networks.
My bf dumped me for another woman he met online.he has bring her from another country to his place.We been togheter almost one year.He have with her almost 2 month.He contacted me, telling me he made a mistake etc.But he is still with her.I told him not to contact me anymore, he said ok i respect ur decision but contacted me after 2 weeks again and i did answer short.he wanna meet me for a coffe.What i should do?i still want him alot but i dont want this situation:(How i make him to choice?or maybe he like her more:(
Meet him. Be confident and don't show any signs of neediness. Don't ask him to choose just yet. Have a few more dates with him. Then give him an ultimatum.
Meet him. Be confident and don't show any signs of neediness. Don't ask him to choose just yet. Have a few more dates with him. Then give him an ultimatum.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my boyfriend were together for 6 months. It was extremely intense and we fell deep in love together. Although at the beginning of the relationship I went to Uni and flirted with guys and kissed a girl. This all came out over christmas and I opened up about my past etc. I left University because I became ill and went through depression. I kept questioning the relationship and didn't want to be with him because I felt so guilty. I pushed through and fell back in love with him. However, a week before my birthday he ended things with me. He still cant explain it properly and is giving me bad excuses as to why. We would stay at each others house all the time and had a few days off a week. He said I was too needy. However, now I have got my independence back but he still doesn't want me back. Now I have noticed he is back on a dating app and has put new pictures up. I feel he has had a confidence boost with his new tattoo and car and wants to do better than me. I don't know if he is looking for a rebound or just trying to get over me. It makes me sad because he told me he doesn't want anyone else and wants to focus on himself this year. He said he doesn't want a relationship. We are having no contact but he keeps checking my snapchat my story all the time. They are indirect pictures but I can see he keeps checking them. He told me he has never felt this way about anyone before and we even spoke of moving in together and marriage before Christmas. He has been hurt in his past by past relationships where they have cheated and technically I did but I didn't sleep with anyone. Do you think he is scared to get hurt? Do we have unfinished business?
He might be scared to get hurt. It's hard to tell his reason for breaking up though. But, I do think you have a chance of reconciliation. It's worth trying at least once.
Thanks Kevin,
It has been driving me insane. Today he has blocked me on snapchat after I posted a picture saying I'm going out tonight. He seems to get all defensive when I go out and is scared I will meet someone. I feel like he doesn't want to be with me yet he doesn't want me to be with anyone else. He wants no contact. Should I have no contact for a while and if so how long until I contact again. I really want to send his mum a birthday card in a months time.
Hey Kevin, so it has been 2 weeks of no contact so far and its been quite good getting myself back together. Got into university, preparing to start learning to drive, feel confident and happy. My ex went for his tattoo monday and i was booked in tuesday. Our tattooist told me he looked miserable and no where near as happy as i looked. I am hoping this is a sign that he is realising what he has lost. Although the past day and especially today I have been feeling really down. I am pushing myself not to text or call and to be honest I deleted his number anyway. He basically told me he doesn't feel the way he used to with me anymore because I changed. He can be very stubborn at times and has a lot of pride. I'm worried we wont talk because of this and he thinks we wont talk again until next year. Even Monday I refused the urge to go to the tattoo shop to see him. I feel like I am getting somewhere but I just can't get over him. I feel like I lost my best friend. Am I on the right track or am I just hoping for a lost cause?
I think you are on the right track. Contact him when no contact is over. All the best.
I think you are on the right track. Contact him when no contact is over. All the best.
I think you are on the right track. Contact him when no contact is over. All the best.
I think you are on the right track. Contact him when no contact is over. All the best.
I think you are on the right track. Contact him when no contact is over. All the best.
Hey Kevin, so it has been 2 weeks of no contact so far and its been quite good getting myself back together. Got into university, preparing to start learning to drive, feel confident and happy. My ex went for his tattoo monday and i was booked in tuesday. Our tattooist told me he looked miserable and no where near as happy as i looked. I am hoping this is a sign that he is realising what he has lost. Although the past day and especially today I have been feeling really down. I am pushing myself not to text or call and to be honest I deleted his number anyway. He basically told me he doesn't feel the way he used to with me anymore because I changed. He can be very stubborn at times and has a lot of pride. I'm worried we wont talk because of this and he thinks we wont talk again until next year. Even Monday I refused the urge to go to the tattoo shop to see him. I feel like I am getting somewhere but I just can't get over him. I feel like I lost my best friend. Am I on the right track or am I just hoping for a lost cause?
Hey Kevin, so it has been 2 weeks of no contact so far and its been quite good getting myself back together. Got into university, preparing to start learning to drive, feel confident and happy. My ex went for his tattoo monday and i was booked in tuesday. Our tattooist told me he looked miserable and no where near as happy as i looked. I am hoping this is a sign that he is realising what he has lost. Although the past day and especially today I have been feeling really down. I am pushing myself not to text or call and to be honest I deleted his number anyway. He basically told me he doesn't feel the way he used to with me anymore because I changed. He can be very stubborn at times and has a lot of pride. I'm worried we wont talk because of this and he thinks we wont talk again until next year. Even Monday I refused the urge to go to the tattoo shop to see him. I feel like I am getting somewhere but I just can't get over him. I feel like I lost my best friend. Am I on the right track or am I just hoping for a lost cause?
Hey Kevin, so it has been 2 weeks of no contact so far and its been quite good getting myself back together. Got into university, preparing to start learning to drive, feel confident and happy. My ex went for his tattoo monday and i was booked in tuesday. Our tattooist told me he looked miserable and no where near as happy as i looked. I am hoping this is a sign that he is realising what he has lost. Although the past day and especially today I have been feeling really down. I am pushing myself not to text or call and to be honest I deleted his number anyway. He basically told me he doesn't feel the way he used to with me anymore because I changed. He can be very stubborn at times and has a lot of pride. I'm worried we wont talk because of this and he thinks we wont talk again until next year. Even Monday I refused the urge to go to the tattoo shop to see him. I feel like I am getting somewhere but I just can't get over him. I feel like I lost my best friend. Am I on the right track or am I just hoping for a lost cause?
Thanks Kevin,
It has been driving me insane. Today he has blocked me on snapchat after I posted a picture saying I'm going out tonight. He seems to get all defensive when I go out and is scared I will meet someone. I feel like he doesn't want to be with me yet he doesn't want me to be with anyone else. He wants no contact. Should I have no contact for a while and if so how long until I contact again. I really want to send his mum a birthday card in a months time.
Thanks Kevin,
It has been driving me insane. Today he has blocked me on snapchat after I posted a picture saying I'm going out tonight. He seems to get all defensive when I go out and is scared I will meet someone. I feel like he doesn't want to be with me yet he doesn't want me to be with anyone else. He wants no contact. Should I have no contact for a while and if so how long until I contact again. I really want to send his mum a birthday card in a months time.
He might be scared to get hurt. It's hard to tell his reason for breaking up though. But, I do think you have a chance of reconciliation. It's worth trying at least once.
Hi Kevin,
I'm very lost at the moment, so a response would be much appreciated.
I came across your site and am starting to follow the 5 steps and have recently began the 30 day NC period. The thing is, my boyfriend and I haven't officially broken up in the sense of verbally confirming it, however after numerous arguments over the telephone and him continuously hanging to the telephone on me, I decided to block contact with him and not allow text/ phone call communication.
I'm currently at university and so live away from home where my boyfriend is. This however, isn't very far, just about 2 hours on the train. Anyway - were together for a year when things started to get difficult between us, so I had to break the relationship off with him to give us both space to get ourselves back on track. He was suffering and so was I. During this period (3 months) we stayed in contact, but it was no longer intimate/ relationship like - he would just tell me how much he loved me whilst I would encourage him to move on with his life. During this time I admit that I was completely in-denial about the fact that I was still in love with him. It was as if the undeniability was a coping mechanism for me at the time to heal after the hurt that had been caused.
Anyway, after the 3 months, are conversations became more involved and I started to open up to him and reconnect again and things were getting better. However this was only over the telephone. Just before Christmas, something really bad happened to me involving another male taking advantage and of course I went to my boyfriend for support. Of course he was very angry at the person who did wrong to me and got quite protective. He was very supportive for a few days until the following happened. Well he became relatively distant and conversations became few and far between. He told me that he had started speaking to another girl from stupid facebook... So of course, I made sure to back off and leave him to it. It hurt so so so much and I really couldn't believe he could do that to me full stop, let alone during a time that I was extremely vulnerable. I have since started counselling and am now on medication for depression.
After a day or so of not speaking, he contacts me to let me know that he had cut off all contact with this girl and that nothing has happened.
He also came to visit me and we slept together. I thought everything was okay from here and that he had a moment of uncertainly due to the way I made him feel during our 3 month break. I went back home for Christmas and we spent a night together. The following day he began to act distant yet again, saying things we moving too fast. Guess what? I find out again that he went back to this girl and they were spending time again. This behaviour continued another two times, both of which I forgave. Finally, the last time he came back to tell me he had made a huge mistake involved me asking him to call the girl in my presence, whereby we spoke and I found out they slept together. What?! The night that I knocked round his house and he wouldn't let me in because he had her upstairs. Why was he letting a young girl sleeping at his house if he loved me and didn't want anything to happen? I can't make sense of it.
So a week or so go by, whereby I continue to ignore him. He tried to visit me at home, bring flowers, letters etc. all of which I ignore. Just before I leave to return to uni,
I agreed to meet him, however this just ended up involving us going for a walk outside and me shouting at him saying "how could you do this?", "why did you go with someone so young?", "but she's so different to me" etc etc. Since then I returned to uni and he continuously called/ text me letting me know how sorry he was and that he'd do anything to show me no matter how long it takes. After a lot of effort, I gave in believing that he was truly sorry. He was very good and supportive for a month, after which his efforts started lacking and would refuse to answer my questions. He started wanting more and more from me. I helped him finically and got him out a loan. I'm a student! He continuously let's me down with payments, which is due to his financial issues associated with drug use. I've always been good to him (well...most of the time). I want more than the world for him to just respect me and treat me like he loved me, as he says he does.
So now after letting me down with payments, shouting at me and hanging up continuously, I didn't know what else to do other than to block contact with him. Kevin, I know from reading this what you will think, but he is a good person deep down; affectionate, caring, funny and loving, however this dark side is extremely overwhelming.
I want to follow the NC rule, which you say will make him want me back and wonder what I'm up to and care etc. However, more importantly, I want to be happy with him and maintain that happiness. How can I gain the respect and treatment that I deserve. I love him very dearly - I'm not sure if he truly knows this. It's as if he never truly listens or care about how I feel.
Thanks.
Hope, I've replied to your comment here.
Hope, I've replied to your comment here.
What if you recieve a message or a text from your ex, saying she misses you and wants you back. Do you go back to her? Or do you still keep up the no contact?
You reply. But don't jump in and show her how needy you are. Play it cool and take things slowly. Make sure she really means to get back together and is not just saying it because she misses you.
You reply. But don't jump in and show her how needy you are. Play it cool and take things slowly. Make sure she really means to get back together and is not just saying it because she misses you.
My ex broke up with me about a week ago. She said she didn't want to talk to me for a while because she was tired of my behavior. She has given me several chances to figure out what caused my behavior and learn from it. I was not able to do so. In general I agree with her. I'm tired of my own behavior. However, I think I dealt with it the wrong way. I was hoping for her to help me when I actually had to deal with this by myself. So no contact is not the worst that could happen to me right now. I want to contact her again when I feel like I can but I don't know what not talking to each other for a while means. It's very important to me to respect her demand for space. Before I did not and I think I would lose even more credibility, if I did so. When should I contact her again?
After a month.
After a month.
I emailed you before so you know my story! But here is an update
He walks up as im working out (i didnt talk to him ive been all happy)
Him: hey how are u
Me: im good how are you
Him: oki
Me: ya just doing some squats and then doing some high pulls (during this time i sound super happy)
Him: oki well i just wanted to talk with you
Me: oki bye
He now stands there and gives me a hug
I hug him back but not too tight
Him: (kinda sadish) you dont have to hug back if u dont want to
Me: i just want to respect you....and do this for u and myself
Me: have a fun time bye!
So does he miss me? Is the no contact working? Is he testing the waters? Or being polite?
Yeah, I think he does miss you. It's hard to say if he is testing the waters or he is being polite. I guess you'll find out at the end of no contact.
Yeah, I think he does miss you. It's hard to say if he is testing the waters or he is being polite. I guess you'll find out at the end of no contact.
hello,
I am writing this in hope that maybe there is still something that I could do or say to help my relationship not to end.
So I am with this guy Alex for 3 and a half years and we live together for 3 years. We are very different persons and we knew this from the start. I am 30 and he is 26 (our differences may come from here). But because we had fun together and it was a nice experience we managed to stay together for this much, but we used to fight pretty often about lots of small things.
3 months ago (for Christmas) he took 5 days off to the cabin at the mountains with his parents and I asked him when he returns to have a decision about us (whether we build together or we break up). And of course the decision was to break up because so many fights made him shrink his feeling for me and get to the point where he didn’t have anything to give in this relation anymore.
I asked for a 1 month chance and he said ok – in 1 month things got really well, he was sweet, he seemed to have feelings, he had plans for us etc…until the 17th of February when I decided to quit smoking and for 3 days I was very nervous with his and I got in stupid fights again. So he decided to end the relationship again, for good because he told me I didn’t change a bit and he is sorry he opened to me in the last month, because I took advantage of it and when I saw that he is willing to be with me again, I returned to being a bitch
I asked for a 2nd chance and he said yes but being sure nothing will get better because he doesn’t have anything to give in this relation anymore.
Last month was ok, but he was cold, didn’t talk much, wasn’t opened anymore and the worst part…he didn’t wanted me sexually anymore this was really painful .
So I begun a discussion last night and he told me that nothing is changed, that he still wants to break up, that he doesn’t have feelings for me, that he has no hope for us, that he does not see each other as a couple, that he perceives me as a buddy, and that is no longer my problem, but it’s hi’s, because he cannot be in this relation anymore and he can’t give anything.
What should I do? If he has no feelings….its useless to stay.
If I move out, there will be no change to ever get back together, each of us will be on his way
If I don’t move out…he won’t invite me out, because he is very diplomat and nice but I don’t seem to find a way to change how he feels for me.
What I would really like to ask you Kevin is: if a person looses interest and feelings in you, is there any chance you can win them back and be happy together (on a second relationship, and trying not to make the same mistakes again)? Or these thing happen only in movies….???!!!!
Thanks,
Anna
Of course there is still chance. That's what the 5 step plan is for. Even if you live together, you can apply the no contact rule as mentioned in the article.
I want to believe there is still a chance, but what I don't understand about a men's mind and would really like you to try to answer to me is this:
- how can he change from being sweet and lovely and tender, and carring at the beginning, to a sad, upset not carring person (just because we used to fight from time to time due to the fact that we are very different people with very different tastes, oppoinions etc) ?
- how can he change in 1 month time from not carring and indifferent to a lovely, wanting a relationship person just because we had no contact for 1 month? this thing doen not seem fair, why a person doesn't appreciate you when they have you, but they might appreciate you when they loose you?
- how can you make the relationship beautiful when let's say you do get a second change and he does come back to you? my belive is that in a very short while, things will get back to the way they were, and we will start to feel frustated again :(
I don't think that after a 1 month period, both people can act with eachother like they just met for the first time and start a new clean relationship with butterflys in their stomack :(
Thank you very much in advance for your advices!!!
1. People change. Relationships are hard to maintain. And sometimes people lose their feelings and the desire to put in the effort to make it work.
2. The fear of losing someone forever is a very strong motivator. It's just the way humans are. We always want what we don't have. Philosophers have been contemplating on this for centuries.
3. That's why I recommend that you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and try to figure out what really went wrong with the relationship. That's why I recommend that you try to get back together only if you are sure that the relationship will work out this time. A lot of people do learn the mistakes they made during the relationship and change for the better during this time. For some it takes longer than a month. One month is just an approximate time limit in this article. In reality, it depends from person to person.
1. People change. Relationships are hard to maintain. And sometimes people lose their feelings and the desire to put in the effort to make it work.
2. The fear of losing someone forever is a very strong motivator. It's just the way humans are. We always want what we don't have. Philosophers have been contemplating on this for centuries.
3. That's why I recommend that you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and try to figure out what really went wrong with the relationship. That's why I recommend that you try to get back together only if you are sure that the relationship will work out this time. A lot of people do learn the mistakes they made during the relationship and change for the better during this time. For some it takes longer than a month. One month is just an approximate time limit in this article. In reality, it depends from person to person.
1. People change. Relationships are hard to maintain. And sometimes people lose their feelings and the desire to put in the effort to make it work.
2. The fear of losing someone forever is a very strong motivator. It's just the way humans are. We always want what we don't have. Philosophers have been contemplating on this for centuries.
3. That's why I recommend that you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and try to figure out what really went wrong with the relationship. That's why I recommend that you try to get back together only if you are sure that the relationship will work out this time. A lot of people do learn the mistakes they made during the relationship and change for the better during this time. For some it takes longer than a month. One month is just an approximate time limit in this article. In reality, it depends from person to person.
1. People change. Relationships are hard to maintain. And sometimes people lose their feelings and the desire to put in the effort to make it work.
2. The fear of losing someone forever is a very strong motivator. It's just the way humans are. We always want what we don't have. Philosophers have been contemplating on this for centuries.
3. That's why I recommend that you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and try to figure out what really went wrong with the relationship. That's why I recommend that you try to get back together only if you are sure that the relationship will work out this time. A lot of people do learn the mistakes they made during the relationship and change for the better during this time. For some it takes longer than a month. One month is just an approximate time limit in this article. In reality, it depends from person to person.
I want to believe there is still a chance, but what I don't understand about a men's mind and would really like you to try to answer to me is this:
- how can he change from being sweet and lovely and tender, and carring at the beginning, to a sad, upset not carring person (just because we used to fight from time to time due to the fact that we are very different people with very different tastes, oppoinions etc) ?
- how can he change in 1 month time from not carring and indifferent to a lovely, wanting a relationship person just because we had no contact for 1 month? this thing doen not seem fair, why a person doesn't appreciate you when they have you, but they might appreciate you when they loose you?
- how can you make the relationship beautiful when let's say you do get a second change and he does come back to you? my belive is that in a very short while, things will get back to the way they were, and we will start to feel frustated again :(
I don't think that after a 1 month period, both people can act with eachother like they just met for the first time and start a new clean relationship with butterflys in their stomack :(
Thank you very much in advance for your advices!!!
I want to believe there is still a chance, but what I don't understand about a men's mind and would really like you to try to answer to me is this:
- how can he change from being sweet and lovely and tender, and carring at the beginning, to a sad, upset not carring person (just because we used to fight from time to time due to the fact that we are very different people with very different tastes, oppoinions etc) ?
- how can he change in 1 month time from not carring and indifferent to a lovely, wanting a relationship person just because we had no contact for 1 month? this thing doen not seem fair, why a person doesn't appreciate you when they have you, but they might appreciate you when they loose you?
- how can you make the relationship beautiful when let's say you do get a second change and he does come back to you? my belive is that in a very short while, things will get back to the way they were, and we will start to feel frustated again :(
I don't think that after a 1 month period, both people can act with eachother like they just met for the first time and start a new clean relationship with butterflys in their stomack :(
Thank you very much in advance for your advices!!!
Of course there is still chance. That's what the 5 step plan is for. Even if you live together, you can apply the no contact rule as mentioned in the article.
hey kevin my girlfriend broke up with me and says she still loves me and cares for me we broke up 2 months ago but were still talking and now started no contact rule how long should i wait to text her again also can she be lying and talking to someone else we've been going out for just about 2 years
Any one can be lying about anything. You never know. But it shouldn't bother you. She broke up with you. She has all the right in the world to talk to anyone she wants. You don't own her. And she doesn't owe you anything. Neither do you to her. Accept that. Approach her with this attitude.
Any one can be lying about anything. You never know. But it shouldn't bother you. She broke up with you. She has all the right in the world to talk to anyone she wants. You don't own her. And she doesn't owe you anything. Neither do you to her. Accept that. Approach her with this attitude.
Hi Kevin
I would really appreciate it if you could gve me some advice on how to get my ex back.
We were together for almost 3 years, we had alot of fights but in the end we would apologize and everything would be okay, i really love him, he was my first boyfriend, and i dont love him cause of that, but because he makes me happy and i always smile when im with him, well we used to live together and everything, and he and his dad were planning a trip to visit relatives, and i said why not at first i was mad because he didnt tell me right away, but then i thought about it and it was wrong of me and i apologized to him, he went on the trip and could only call me 2 times cause where hes fam lives is in the middle of nowhere, were there is no phones, so i got a little sad and mad, but when he came he was different, he didnt want to speak to me, or tell me what was going on, so i sent him a text saying of there was something wrong he could tell me, i wasnt just hes girlfriend i was also his friend, but all he said was that he didnt feel like this relationship was the same as before, that he needed space time to think, and i did all of the mistakes on top :/ i cried to him alot and he also cried with me, so yesturday we were talking and i made the mistakes again, i told him i loved him and all that, he said he loves me but is not inlove with me? What? So that really hurt me, i been in bed for 5 days i dont eat nor sleep, but hes dad says hes not doing good either, so i really dont know, well today we were talking and i had the courage to ask him if he thought that maybe later on he could give us a chance, and he said yes but not right now, that he wasnt thinking about that now, i dont know what to do, hes coming on saturday to pick up all his stuff, please Kevin do i still have a chance with him? Please answer back, and thank you
yes, you have a pretty good chance if you follow the advise in the article.
Hey Kevin.
Hes been really distant, he called me and was trying to make me jealouse by saying he was going back to his country and he was going to be with a bunch of girls, i think he said it in a kinda joke way, but that hurts me cause i dont really know what he would do, after we talked for like 1 hour the next day he started acting distant, i dont know what hes thinking Kevin im so confused, hes coming tomorrow to pick up all his stuff, i think this is really the end of us! Im so scared please what should i do! Help!
Hey Kevin.
Hes been really distant, he called me and was trying to make me jealouse by saying he was going back to his country and he was going to be with a bunch of girls, i think he said it in a kinda joke way, but that hurts me cause i dont really know what he would do, after we talked for like 1 hour the next day he started acting distant, i dont know what hes thinking Kevin im so confused, hes coming tomorrow to pick up all his stuff, i think this is really the end of us! Im so scared please what should i do! Help!
Hey Kevin.
Hes been really distant, he called me and was trying to make me jealouse by saying he was going back to his country and he was going to be with a bunch of girls, i think he said it in a kinda joke way, but that hurts me cause i dont really know what he would do, after we talked for like 1 hour the next day he started acting distant, i dont know what hes thinking Kevin im so confused, hes coming tomorrow to pick up all his stuff, i think this is really the end of us! Im so scared please what should i do! Help!
yes, you have a pretty good chance if you follow the advise in the article.
Hey Kevin.
I had been dating my ex for nearly 6 years, we recently broke up about 2 months ago.
I wasnt able to do no contact due to us sharing a son.
I see him once a week now since then, and once a week we spend what we call "family time" for my son.
My ex girlfriend, i think has been interested in her old boss, a place she use to work, she currently works somewhere else. She isnt dating anyone and says she is not ready to date anyone, but it seems that she is interested in someone because if i ask she says "i dont have to tell you that" she is over me, i know this and i stay positive when im around her i dont bring things up, she is the one who usually probes me until i have to answer.
I know the reasons why she left me, it was due to lack of attraction because i didn't have a job in 4 years, played too many video games, became very skinny under weight, my hygiene was lacking and i was negative and was mostly in a negative mood.
so obviously her boss was a better catch at the time and he was married and emailing her saying he wants to be with my girlfriend instead, and might be getting a divorce soon, i feel like shes waiting on him to get the divorce.
As for myself I have started taking care of myself, havent played a video game in 3/4 months, i am TRYING to gain weight, I am getting my CDL license next week and going to get a job in waste management or within the town driving trucks. I am working on building muscle, clothes, hygiene, ect and a positive attitude.
My question is, in my situation, what should i do. Should i initiate no contact, give her, that much needed space away from what she grew to resent and possibly risk losing my son? (He isnt biologically mine i have no rights to back me up with him, he just knows me as daddy, and she seems to think im using him to keep my foot in the door.)
I dont know what to do. I love my son just like my own blood, I know she is the right woman for me, i know it was me that screwed up not being assertive in life and not treating her like i should. (loss of attraction/resentment/financial support)
Id like to know if its possible to get my ex back, and how to go about doing so in this situation, i see a lot of people here who do not have kids, what would you suggest people do, when they do have children?
Thanks for any help. ~Andrew
Hey Andrew,
I've written about no contact with kids in this article. I think you have a chance to get her back if you follow the plan.
Hey Andrew,
I've written about no contact with kids in this article. I think you have a chance to get her back if you follow the plan.
Hello, my ex girlfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. However, we kept in contact every so often through the past month. Over spring break, when she was drunk she would call me to hang out where I gave in and did so and we even hooked up. However, one day she randomly stopped talking to me and after a week she called me again. She even told me that she missed me. However, she has started talking to her other ex again and I decided that I am not going to split time like that. What does this all mean? Does she miss me and still have feelings for me or not? I have decided to not contact her for a month after all this because it is just too stressful.
It could mean a lot of things. Perhaps she is thinking of getting back with him. Perhaps, he just comforts her and makes her feel better. There is really nothing you can do about it though. The best you can do is continue with no contact and then contact her after a month.
It could mean a lot of things. Perhaps she is thinking of getting back with him. Perhaps, he just comforts her and makes her feel better. There is really nothing you can do about it though. The best you can do is continue with no contact and then contact her after a month.
Hi Kevin,
I am currently separated from my spouse. I told her I needed to leave the relationship about 3 months ago but almost immediately realized I made the wrong decision. After that she stuck to her guns and moved out. After spending the holidays apart we began dating and spending time together. I was definitely sure I wanted her back but could sense she had a world of doubt and was clearly considering other opportunities. She kept telling me that she needed it "to be fun and easy" for a while and that "I don't have her." I definitely was panicked when she said these things and often reacted in a needy and emotional way- clearly not in acceptance of the fact that we were separated. She ended up getting into a rebound fling about a month ago, which appears to still be in contact somewhat, while she was on vacation and was clearly trying to put me into the friend zone. I then initiated no contact which has been in effect for three weeks. My question is, since I was the one who ended the relationship and definitely
hurt her deeply with an emotional affair I had which prompted the separation, should I be treating no contact differently? I truly realize that she is exceptional, that I contributed significantly to/caused our demise, and I would be priveliged to have her back from our separation for good. What should I be thinking about doing in the next one to two weeks? Thank you for your advice.
Contact her and follow the plan. I take it you have already apologized for your mistakes, so there is nothing else you can do about it. This time, don't show any neediness and don't pressure her into getting back together. All the best.
Contact her and follow the plan. I take it you have already apologized for your mistakes, so there is nothing else you can do about it. This time, don't show any neediness and don't pressure her into getting back together. All the best.
Kevin,
Is there ever a situation where limited contact would better apply rather than no contact? For example, my ex asked for an indefinite break after 4 months of dating because he is working through some very personal things right now (struggling with feeling like a failure, not being where he wants to be in his career, feeling unmotivated in finishing his evening online college degree). I know he's very emotional and was really unhappy with himself at the point of our breakup, and said that he knew he couldn't make me happy and couldn't deal with any relationship right now. But he kept on reassuring me that it doesn't mean that we won't be together again-he just doesn't know how long it will be until he's in a better place. He poured out his heart to me about growing up with verbal abuse and how that has shaken his identity and confidence, and this is something he has to sort out on his own. Meanwhile, he asked that we stay in touch. I haven't taken any initiative in reaching out to him and only reply to his texts when he texts me (which was often right after our breakup) but I haven't heard from him for four days now--the longest we have gone with no contact. I will continue to not reach out to him until he reaches out to me first, and will plan on taking my time to respond in a positive, light-hearted way (all of his texts since our break a couple weeks ago have been very lighthearted and non-emotional or at all deep). I'm very confident of where I am in life, was single for a long time and am functioning just fine without him, and I think it was my confidence and success in my career and education that perhaps added to his insecurities. Is limited contact ok so that I can be supportive --without seeming at all needy or as if I am waiting for him? I do plan to still try going on a date or two after a month or so just to affirm my feelings for him and my future as well, but I won't be sharing that with him - just keeping my social media profile very low key over the next several weeks (we're Facebook friends). Would love to hear your thoughts!
Yes, limited contact will work great in your case.
Yes, limited contact will work great in your case.
Towards the end of my relationship my guy and I started talking less (we used to text and call each other daily). Then a few days after a deep conversation where he was texting me how much he loves me, he breaks up with me. Since the breakup (only a week ago) I contacted him once to tell him I was sorry for the part I hadin our relationship going wrong. It was a simple conversation and I refrained from begging for another chance. I have now been doing the 'no contact' for several days and now noticed he deleted me off of Facebook. Is this a sign that he hates me? Do I have no chance of getting him back? If I wasn't liking his posts or pics or contacting him in any way, then why delete me?
Perhaps he can't stop himself from looking at your profile and it was making him miss you. Or perhaps he wants to get a reaction out of you. You still have a chance and I think it's worth trying.
Perhaps he can't stop himself from looking at your profile and it was making him miss you. Or perhaps he wants to get a reaction out of you. You still have a chance and I think it's worth trying.
hello KEVIN :)
honestly me and my ex we broke up about two month actually she broke it up
after that i was reallly sad but i tried to stand on my leg and also always i was thinking of her but i was trying to be more stable . we were living in one flat but later after broke up she changed her flat . she was too much annoyed from my bad behaviors sometimes which like being selfish in my life sometimes and not taking life serious and bla bla but all our argue started from the time which i came back from my country and i told her why we need to think of marriage ?? we re still young and after i finish my study we will see i dont promise anything !!
but the problem was before that i put the marriage in her mind and then by my family presssure i told her no !!
after that she was disappointed of me untill we argued a lot on everything she couldnt be with me and she by time become less interested and broke up .
but after break up which was in my exams time i told her one day that i want to come there in your new flat and study there if you dont mind cuase if i fail they willl kick me out of uni and i have to go back to my country ! SO FINALLY she told me come but plz be silent when you come cuase i am talking to my girlfriend by phone dont want her to know this . by more time gone i was meeting her agaain and also sleeping in same bed together but no touch actually
i was changed also
but before i travel to my country i made her angry twice by pressing her about some typical stuff and she told me that i hate it when my life have to be worry of what you think always if i do or dont what happens
so she when i went back to my country and wanted to come back i told her so what we have to do ?
she said if you want to know i will tell you
honestly i want to fix myself first and after that i want to find MAN for myherself so i donno what will happen in future
but you also have to be man and find your woman
i told her so u want me to cut fully ?
she said yes better becuase what we were doing was not good i dont want to do it again and when again we become together you become again same as before after a while
so better to cut 99% and sometimes we contact
after i came back from my country to her country i asked to meet her and finally she meet me at my house and she was verryyy kind to me and she call me always baby
in her talking
and after that we were just messeging normally about daily stuff
untill 3 weeks later i asked her to what to meet her !
i told her about this two month that how much i changed and what was my mistakes and she reallly could see that this guy reallly understood his misstakes and she was also a little bit cried and i told her that this person after he changed himself he ssaw something is missing that was taking a right decisions himself not by help of others or family i told her that for this matter i put my goals and i saw again some of the goals my family are problem !!
i said to her that i did everything and tried to fix myself and also our future
the thing is after that she was so happy but when she went home she become again cold on messeging me
untill for somedays i didnt messege her maybe 4 days and i bought a cat which i knew she like cat
so she called me that why you didnt tell me that you bought a cat , you know i love cat so can i come to see her ?
i told her yeah come and then funny is she came and she slept here also and after that we watched movie and great night but no kiss or something still officiall
but this good manner just was about the week and we went out restuarnt and everything but after this week agaaaaain she become cold on her messeging to me and it was bothering me i couldnt understand why !!! untill i called her and told her
that why you do this to me !! two days ago perfect but suddenly like this ?
she told me see dear i saw nothing changed in me and you and everything is same so why we should start it
i was like no you re wrong i changed our life is different but she was like no
i told her you have two choice not more ! 1. to live together 2 to forget each other so plz be frank what you want !
she said no i can not i dont want anything now i want to be alone and bla bla
we hang out and finally she sent me messege see dear i donno what future will bring for us but now i just know that we dont have
any future so i am here as a friend and bla bla
i couldnt undetrstant what kind of change she means so i went and sent her a messege about 3 days after that
told her what kind of chnage you mean is it about me or its about our future nothing change ?
and i was stupid for my answer i went to her house !! ( looser manner i know ) and told her that tell me now face to face
she didnt want to talk and she told me go plz why you came here and bla bla
untill 20 minute she didnt want to tallk and give me any answer
i told her give me answer and will go forever and finally she said that the problem is me and her life is better witout me
here i said bye to her
but after that i couldnt forget her still have feeling and love her :/
i want her back i acted tooo needy actually 4 things which you said i didnt have to do i did
do you think following your rules will help me ?
cuase i always acted needy to her but i decided for first time to dont send her a messege for a month and now its about 7 days i didnt
and i want to fix myself also what you advise me kevin plz?!
Yes, following the steps will help you. Just work on your confidence. There's plenty of advise in the article on what to do during the no contact rule. Other than that, you can find many guides and articles on the internet on how to be more confident in your life. Read books on the subject and if you want, go to therapy as well.
Yes, following the steps will help you. Just work on your confidence. There's plenty of advise in the article on what to do during the no contact rule. Other than that, you can find many guides and articles on the internet on how to be more confident in your life. Read books on the subject and if you want, go to therapy as well.
My ex broke up with me a month ago. I am a freshman in college and he is a junior in high school. We had been together for a year before he ended it. He accused me of cheating (which I never would do) and ended it. Two days later he was already with another girl. I am hoping it is just a rebound. His new girl got mad at him because he was talking to me and he got really mad at me then and said that we will never get back together. Before that he said he wants to try again in the future. I am very confused about everything because he kept contradicting himself. I am currently trying the no contact rule. I was just wondering if you had any other advice to make him want me again even though he has his new girl. Thanks Kevin.
I answered you comment here.
I answered you comment here.
Hey Kevin,
I took your advice and told my ex to stop contacting me. I previously told you that he was contacting me everyday and I was a sucker for it and kept answering. I explained that it would be too difficult right now to be friends with him because it is not fair to me to have him come swooping in and out of my life. Also, it would be unfair if he started dating someone else. I told him I need more time and space right now. That conversation didn't go very well. He cried and he was angry and he said he didn't want to lose his best friend. I don't really understand that. Like hello, what did he think was gonna happen when he dumped me? Anyways, he got all mad and hung up so I texted him saying that I would contact him when I thought the time was right but I needed my space now and he responded all pissy so I just left it. That was a week ago. He has not contacted me at all since then. Before, right after the break up, he would "accidentally" call me, or Facebook message me. Now, its absolute silence. Is this a good thing? Do you think he will contact me at all within the next couple weeks during N.C. ? if he doesn't, then what does that mean? I think I am going to start going crazy.
You did well. He is respecting your wishes and it's a good thing. You are in control. Continue with the plan.
Update: I changed my profile picture last night and I saw I had a missed call from him this morning. I texted him asking If he called and he said it was a "pocket dial sorry bye" so I put ok bye. I doubt it was an actual pocket dial because we haven't talked in a week so I'm not in his most recently called and what are the chances that it would happen right after a Facebook update ?I really don't understand why he is the one that is all mad but maybe he was just wanting me to ask so I we could start a conversation or something. At least I know he's thinking about me. I will keep up with the plan
It doesn't matter if it was a pocket dial or not... you should have kept NC. Keep NC for a month as suggested by the guide.... it doesn't matter if he contacts you or not during that time.... or at least you shouldn;t be thinking about that. You should be using NC for YOU, to make yourself your priority and to improve yourself. Not to be testing him and/or stressing over if he will contact you or not. Be strong. But that's just my opinion :)
It doesn't matter if it was a pocket dial or not... you should have kept NC. Keep NC for a month as suggested by the guide.... it doesn't matter if he contacts you or not during that time.... or at least you shouldn;t be thinking about that. You should be using NC for YOU, to make yourself your priority and to improve yourself. Not to be testing him and/or stressing over if he will contact you or not. Be strong. But that's just my opinion :)
It doesn't matter if it was a pocket dial or not... you should have kept NC. Keep NC for a month as suggested by the guide.... it doesn't matter if he contacts you or not during that time.... or at least you shouldn;t be thinking about that. You should be using NC for YOU, to make yourself your priority and to improve yourself. Not to be testing him and/or stressing over if he will contact you or not. Be strong. But that's just my opinion :)
It doesn't matter if it was a pocket dial or not... you should have kept NC. Keep NC for a month as suggested by the guide.... it doesn't matter if he contacts you or not during that time.... or at least you shouldn;t be thinking about that. You should be using NC for YOU, to make yourself your priority and to improve yourself. Not to be testing him and/or stressing over if he will contact you or not. Be strong. But that's just my opinion :)
Update: I changed my profile picture last night and I saw I had a missed call from him this morning. I texted him asking If he called and he said it was a "pocket dial sorry bye" so I put ok bye. I doubt it was an actual pocket dial because we haven't talked in a week so I'm not in his most recently called and what are the chances that it would happen right after a Facebook update ?I really don't understand why he is the one that is all mad but maybe he was just wanting me to ask so I we could start a conversation or something. At least I know he's thinking about me. I will keep up with the plan
Update: I changed my profile picture last night and I saw I had a missed call from him this morning. I texted him asking If he called and he said it was a "pocket dial sorry bye" so I put ok bye. I doubt it was an actual pocket dial because we haven't talked in a week so I'm not in his most recently called and what are the chances that it would happen right after a Facebook update ?I really don't understand why he is the one that is all mad but maybe he was just wanting me to ask so I we could start a conversation or something. At least I know he's thinking about me. I will keep up with the plan
You did well. He is respecting your wishes and it's a good thing. You are in control. Continue with the plan.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex dated for almost 5 months. everything was going great. we knew we would have to do long distance for awhile but we agreed at the start that we can work something out. last christmas he lost his job and went back home for the holidays. When he came back, the first thing he told me is he is going to asia to start his dream career. becuase of uncertainty, he doesnt believe we should continue dating. He would never initiate text, but would respond to my text if i text him first. I am moving to his home city soon for school, and i know he will be moving back there in a few months... he doesnt know about my move yet, do you think if he finds out he would want to consider getting back together? how should i find out if he still wants to get back together? and do we always love the ones we left us first?
Speak to him when you reach there. And read this article.
Speak to him when you reach there. And read this article.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex broke up over small issues, and we had a good talk about it. I wanted to get back, but he don't. And I knew that I must not beg or act clingy to him in order to get him back. Now he's confusing me, he texted me an hour after we broke up, then follow by everyday a text asking how am I? And what I've been up to. Sometimes he will send me picture of beach and food that friend sent to him.
Understand that I have to apply No contact rule in order to make him misses me, but situation like this, what should I do? Should I approach him and ask him if he's confused with what he wants? If he's texting because we agreed to be friend? What should I do? I still want to get him back, and understand what is our problems and willing to work it out. Please advise.
ThankYou
Keep the no contact short. Around a week or two. Tell him you need a few days to clear your mind. Then talk to him and discuss the issues. If he still doesn't want to get back together, then start no contact again and follow the plan.
Keep the no contact short. Around a week or two. Tell him you need a few days to clear your mind. Then talk to him and discuss the issues. If he still doesn't want to get back together, then start no contact again and follow the plan.
I've been talking to this girl i meet on fb. She is from another state. We have been talking for about 3 months. She and I text alot becuase of the time difference and work. She loved the gift i got for her and me to wear. 5 days ago i get a text from saying not to send things because her mother got into it with her. I questioned her about it, and she was mad. And today she just told me that she was not interested in me. What should I do, I really care about this girl alot to move to state where she's from. Any advice would be great.
Follow the 5 step plan. Keep the no contact short, around 3 weeks.
Follow the 5 step plan. Keep the no contact short, around 3 weeks.
Hi, I'd like to know if you got my story because I haven't receive any answer.
Thanks
Monica
Hey,
I am sorry for the late reply. I have replied to your comment here.
Hey,
I am sorry for the late reply. I have replied to your comment here.
So me and my ex have been off and on for a while we broke up about a year and a half ago. it never really went away for me. i tried dating but i was never interested in anything serious. we had a great relationship, and we never fought but we broke up bc he lives away during the summer and we were miserable being apart from eachother. he said that he missed me too bad and it was easier breaking up. he said he didnt see a point in it anymore. we were off and on since then. we have a few classes together this year and i see him often. its awkwar in person but over text were fine. he gets jealous but tries not to show it of other guys. and there is this sexual tension between us that is very evident and usually cant be ignored. ive tried to move on and explore other people but it just hasnt worked. i fade away from the idea of him but i know i am just settling for something i dont really want. how do i transition back into a relationship rather than something casual?
You need to apply no contact for a month or two.
You need to apply no contact for a month or two.
Hi Brandon. I am diagnosed with OCD and really am still in love with my ex which makes things that much harder. I would REALLY appreciate it greatly if you could read this and give some advice. He are the details of our relationship/breakup-
We were together from June 2011 until October 2012, so 1 year and 4 months. She broke up with me for a week in August but got back together for the next two months and then she broke it off for good telling me she was sure it wasn't going to work. When I asked her if she thought there was the possibility of getting back together in the future, she said it wouldn't be fair to say. She said she just "needed to be single for awhile" and she didn't want to keep "leading me on". For the next three months until January we remained in each other's lives since we both went to the same community college. I was wary of giving her space but she said she still liked seeing me so it was no problem. For Christmas I got her a DVD of a movie we saw together and she loved it, sending me a text later that same day saying "I still love you but I just need more time to think" After that she only sent me around two more texts which ended on Jan. 5th. A couple weeks after I sent her a text saying sorry if I hadn't given her enough space and asked if we could meet-up and talk in person. She said she didn't think it would be a good idea unless it made me feel better because every time we meet up to talk she is not in the same emotional place as I'm in. We did meet-up though and talked and I realized her feelings still didn't change obviously. So from that point on I decided to implement NC and let HER reach out to me via text, not vice versa. Only problem was, her birthday is in February and mine is three weeks later in March. We both texted one another and wished each other well. AND THAT WAS IT.
I mean, ZERO contact for the past year at all. I wanted to text her so many times but couldn't. Hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life by far. But everyone told me you have to wait for her to reach out to me. Now, almost a year and a half later and a year and two months since we haven't had any contact (besides the birthday wishes) I find myself in the same dilemma all over again: On her birthday last month I texted her and she replied with a Hey! thank you! :) and we talked for a bit. Towards the end I got kind of pushy with my responses like "I feel like we have so much to catch up on", "can you still text"? and saying things like I'm sorry I disrupted you in class during a midterm. I know she didn't like it when I said sorry a lot. Her last text was "I'm going out to celebrate with my friends now, I'll text you later". So I figured if she didn't text me later that day then no problem, she would text me on her birthday, just like she did last year.
And then she didn't. I was pretty shocked. I know she didn't forget because then she would have sent me a belated text. I came to the conclusion that she probably feared if she texted me even a simple happy birthday, I would turn it into a conversation and she didn't want that and didn't want to give me any false hope. Either that, or there's another guy. But let me be clear here:
-She is a very quiet, shy girl that doesn't flirt at all.
-She is focused on finishing school at UCLA and getting her degree.
-Both her and I are in the same grade and same situation: we both transferred to a 4 year college this past school year, have approximately the same number of units and just go to different schools.
We also don't have any mutual friends and we hardly ever talked on the phone during our relationship which makes it seem like the only plausible way of communicating is via text. She even deactivated her facebook account.
So what do I do? If I find another girl so be it but I still want her back so badly and feel like I've done everything I possibly could. A friend of mine told me to call her to get clarity but what if that pushes her away further? Do I just live my life and let the ball be in her court about whether or not to contact me?
Please help I would be forever grateful.
Hey Brandon,
She is probably exploring her options and there is a chance that she might be dating someone else. I will recommend you start dating other girls as well. I'll be honest with you, your chances are slim. The best you can do is let her be, and concentrate on yourself.
Hey Brandon,
She is probably exploring her options and there is a chance that she might be dating someone else. I will recommend you start dating other girls as well. I'll be honest with you, your chances are slim. The best you can do is let her be, and concentrate on yourself.
And we were both 19 when we started dating and now we both just turned 22.
hie kevin
well I dated my ex since 2009 all was well she was pushing for marriage but wasn't ready yet so she broke up with me that was in 2011 it was so heartbreaking on my part but still loved her.after about a year we got background together again and she promised she elder not pressure me into marriage.late. mid 2013 we started living in together and she started putting pressure about marriage again I love her but was not ready.at first I told her would do an engagement in december bit it ddnt happen and was even caught cheating in january she forgave me and we set Valentine say as another engagement date but ddnt do it so mow she Saidi I was good at only dissapointing her and she broke up with me.I tried to txt and call and she said she would block my calls
so now I have decided to follow your advice but honestly do yu think I can win her heart over again
the sisters Freind s are all against me
Yes, there's a chance. But only get her back if you are absolutely sure you are ready to commit. Otherwise, you should stop wasting her time.
I am serious and dont want to waste her time kevin but dont know wat happened to me.yesterday went to her house to pick up some money and we talked and didn push for getting back together.to be honest myth be wrong but she is the only 1 I can love
I am serious and dont want to waste her time kevin but dont know wat happened to me.yesterday went to her house to pick up some money and we talked and didn push for getting back together.to be honest myth be wrong but she is the only 1 I can love
I am serious and dont want to waste her time kevin but dont know wat happened to me.yesterday went to her house to pick up some money and we talked and didn push for getting back together.to be honest myth be wrong but she is the only 1 I can love
Yes, there's a chance. But only get her back if you are absolutely sure you are ready to commit. Otherwise, you should stop wasting her time.
My boyfriend broke up with me after almost two years. He has had a lot of stress about his sick dad that has diabetes . He says that he loves me but we are better off without each other taking care of ourselves , he does not want to waste anymore of my time, bc I am ready for a family and to be settled. We did not speak for a week and a half and I decided to call him, while he was at work. He answered my third call and we met up. I can see he is stressed out . We decided to be friends and he told me please understand me I am just not ready to settle because he feels the need to take care of his parents. I know in my heart he loves me. I have a lot of things to work on myself and find my happy place again. I asked him if he would be happy to see me with another man and he said no. So for the past couple of days I text him good morning have a nice day and he replied quickly with a you too. So today I stumbled upon your article and I text him and said that I am leaving for a month to clear my head and find my happy place. And I received no text back. I'm worried that I did the wrong thing. Help!? I really want to do this 30 day thing. Do you think we have a chance to start fresh and get him to fall in love with me like he did in the beginning?
You didn't do anything wrong. Do the 30 days no contact. You do have a chance.
You didn't do anything wrong. Do the 30 days no contact. You do have a chance.
Hey Kevin.
My name is Michael. So basically around 9 months ago I fell in love with the most amazing girl ever. She was absolutely perfect because we were just friends then we grew into first loves. We did everything perfectly. Took time before we got into sex, I took her on multiple dates. Then one day I took her to a movie and afterwards made her my girlfriend. We had an amazing months after and I could tell how in love we were. I seriously could feel how much this girl loved me. Well eventually down the road I was feeling smothered so I tried to get some distance. She would always get upset because I wanted to hangout with friends somedays and not her. I would always feel like I was hurting her when I wasn't meaning too. Well down the road I split up with her because I thought it was best. I told her I wasn't going anywhere and that she was the love of my life and always will be but that some space would make things better. Well after her always being needy towards me, she gave up I guess and was so angry at me that she went off and let her friends convince her to start having sex and talking to this other guy. He's from another town and is apparently pretty poplular. He is the exact opposite of me. He's converted in bad tattoos, lives in his moms basement and has no job or car. I pleaded for her to come back after I found out they had sex but to no avail. She was too hurt and upset with me still. So for the past couple weeks I've let her have her space and deal with these rebound like you say. I know hat girls loved me with all of her heart. There's just no way all those feelings can be gone can they? They fact that she hangouts and has sex with this other guy destroys me but I feel like she's just trying to replace me. I don't know what to do from here. I've been in NC for about a week but miss her and get major doubts that I could get her back because she tries to convince everybody she's really happy with this new guy but gas only known his for two weeks. Should I give up? I love her with all my heart and just cast give up. I know she still loves me, I just know it.
Don't give up. There's a chance. I am pretty sure she will break up with that guy eventually.
Don't give up. There's a chance. I am pretty sure she will break up with that guy eventually.
Hi Kevin
My ex broke up with me back in December because he wanted time to focus on himself and his activities. We continued to talk (and he even hinted about a future about us) when in February he told me he had a new girlfriend. I have a feeling he started seeing her while he was still talking/flirting with me because he was very reluctant to tell me that he was in relationship. He said it would be best if we cut down on the talking and we did until I texted to ask him about money he owed me. He agreed to meet me but then flaked. When I tried to make another date he ignored me. However he has texted twice: to ask how I was doing and to ask a trivial question. I didn't make conversation both times. Earlier this month he posted on his Tumblr reminiscing about our relationship. Since then, we haven't talked and he'll go on my Tumblr and like my posts. But he posts pictures and quotes about being with his girlfriend and he posts pics on instagram with her too (i don't have an insta, I only know this from a friend)
We were together for three years and I find it hard he left. Looking back, there were warning signs like being to busy too meet me (the reason he dumped me) and saying I love you less. We have gone through this once before but he came back. Do you think his new relationship is a rebound? I'll definitely see him in my future since we're going to the same college.
Hey Zee,
Yes, in my opinion, it's probably a rebound.
Thanks Kevin
His bday is coming up , should I wish him?
If you want. Keep it short though.
If you want. Keep it short though.
If you want. Keep it short though.
If you want. Keep it short though.
Thanks Kevin
His bday is coming up , should I wish him?
Thanks Kevin
His bday is coming up , should I wish him?
Hey Zee,
Yes, in my opinion, it's probably a rebound.
Hi Kevin, I broke the No Contact Rules last night because I have missed my ex and decided to replied him when I saw his text
. though, we never spoke about the issue, please what do I do?
Hi Kevin,
I'm amazed how you've been patiently reading and responding to every stories. I'd be happy to get your thoughts on mine.
I was in a long-distance relationship for more than 2 years. It was an ideal relationship, or so i thought. Things were so smooth. He was a bit possessive but I only find it cute and sweet; and moody but I was able to get him. Despite the distance and busy schedules, communication headed our priority lists. We actually grow up in the same place. We just stayed apart temporarily because of work but planned to put up a small business in our place as we get married, which was supposed to happen as our dream house we financed together is finished. (It is now finished.)
But everything drastically changed. I was shocked as I didn't see it coming.
During one his rare night outs with friends, he cheated on me and impregnated a girl who is 12 years younger than him (he is 34, i am 31). I only learned about this sad news November last year when the girl is already 5 months pregnant. I pleaded for my boss to have me assigned to our branch nearer to my bf's office, which miraculously granted eventually. But my reassignment hadn't help a bit. To my dismay, my bf still find it hard to choose between me and the girl with the baby, even when I told him I could still accept him, and my family would understand. I was deeply hurt and until now is suffering from depression. How can the sweetest and loving man I've known and loved so deeply reject me just like that? How can he possibly dump a very beautiful relationship for a girl he just accidentally meet 9 months ago, who is also 9 months pregnant as of late? (I know, it could possibly be his child but who knows?)
The relationship between our families are also affected as both were expecting for us to settle this year but were so disappointed.
It's been 4 months but the pain hasn't lessen a bit. He keeps on ignoring me as I have desperately done all the deadly mistakes you mentioned in this article, to get him back on track, which my friends say is ridiculous and ironic since he's the who cheated, so he should be the one doing what i did. He has changed number but later called me with his new one. He deactivated his Facebook but activated it again when i mellowed on contacting him but changed his password.
He emailed me just this week but only to ask what's my plan of our co-owned "dream house". I told him i still can let it go and don't have specific plans. He said if he will just have it and will just pay for my share. I couldn't allow it to happen. I designed the house. Better it be sold to others than have it lived by him with the girl.
How can he become so selfish! I can't believe how heartless has he become. The man I adore so much, who was so loving and sweet, who used to spend 3 to 4 hours talking with me over the phone every night (literally) has completely become a stranger for just a little span of time.
What pains me so much is I honestly still love him. I still believe in us despite the hurt. I'm so confused. It may be a shame for a 31 year-old to ask an advice from you but I really need help. Thank you Kevin.
Hey,
I know it sucks but you have to let him go, at least for the time being. If he is choosing the other girl, then there is really nothing you can do. If you really want to give it another try, here's what you should do. Apply no contact for at least two months. Contact him again as I explain in the article. Have a few conversation with him, then ask him to choose between you two. If he chooses the other girl, tell him you will cut him from your life and will move on. If he still chooses her, then you know it's a lost cause and you are better off moving on.
Thanks for your honest reply..i will do as you say i should.. God bless you.
Thanks for your honest reply..i will do as you say i should.. God bless you.
Thanks for your honest reply..i will do as you say i should.. God bless you.
Hey,
I know it sucks but you have to let him go, at least for the time being. If he is choosing the other girl, then there is really nothing you can do. If you really want to give it another try, here's what you should do. Apply no contact for at least two months. Contact him again as I explain in the article. Have a few conversation with him, then ask him to choose between you two. If he chooses the other girl, tell him you will cut him from your life and will move on. If he still chooses her, then you know it's a lost cause and you are better off moving on.
Hi Kevin, I broke the No Contact Rules. please advice me on what to do
Start again.
Start again.
we broke up almost 3 weeks ago and sadly i've done the text terrorism and showing my neediness towards him.it was just a week ago when i stopped txting him because i realized it won't do any good.after reading this i know i made the right move and i'll stick to it.i also have to take care more of myself because honestly i was so and still devastated of what happened
my ex is not talking to me.i understand after what i've done.bombarding him with text even when he already begged for me to stop and for me to change my selfishness and being over possessive.i followed my instincts that i should always contact him so that he won't forget which made the situation worse.right now it's almost a week since i stopped contacting him and i haven't got the chance to even catch a glimpse of him.his co workers are the one updating me but i decided not to show any emotions that i'm still affected.im planning to stick on this no contact period for my own good.i'm almost into this depressed situation i can't concentrate anymore.thank you for this wonderful site
You're welcome Marie. I am glad the articles helped.
You're welcome Marie. I am glad the articles helped.
hi kevin,
my ex and i started hanging out a year back after being in a break for 1 and half years.i made all the mistake of being needy to get him back.we went on few dates and he was very particular that no body should we started going out especially a girl in my gang who is also friends with him because she was with him during break up times.i dint suspect anything at that time but last week i found out that they are going out inspite of that girl being in my gang of so called friends.i confronted him he was like we are just going out and we beat best friends and i dont love her or in relationship with her and that she is a friend nothing more or less.i dunno how much to believe him but i still love him.i stopped talking to him since last week.am i looser?
No, you are not loser. Don't try to force him into not seeing someone else. It will make you look more needy.
what else can i do to make him want me back ?
what else can i do to make him want me back ?
what else can i do to make him want me back ?
No, you are not loser. Don't try to force him into not seeing someone else. It will make you look more needy.
Hi there!
My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago and I have no idea why and neither does any of my (or his) friends or family. One of his mates said to me that he doesn't think that my ex knows why he did it and another said that he doesn't think my ex gave it much thought. There wasn't anything wrong in our relationship at all, and I really do mean that. The only thing was that he was nearly 6 years older than me but when we first started seeing each other this was a problem but we moved past his because his feelings overrode it and he realised that I'm much more mature than most people my age. And then our relationship was beautiful, and we were the couple that everyone was jealous of. We both believed we had a future together and spoke quite frequently about this future (and most of the time it was him bringing it up!). We never really argued, had never fallen out and we made each other so happy and we had so much in common as well as having our own interests. Everyone I have spoken to says they don't understand and they're sure he will realise what he's lost, regret it and see sense. The only thing I can think of is that he's been having a very hard time in his job recently because he's at a place in his life where he needs to start a proper career and I know that this has been heavily bothering him for a while now, so perhaps he felt he needed space to sort everything out? I'm just devastated because it was such a shock and came from nowhere and I honestly thought we were a forever couple. When he broke up with me he said everything he adores about me and all the things I've got going for me, he said that his feelings towards me haven't changed at all and that it's just him and something has gone wrong in his head. He's said to his friends that he doesn't understand what went wrong and it was nothing to do with me - it was something in his head that wasn't quite right and he also said that despite breaking up with me, if any guy even tried to try it on with me it would crush him. I just don't understand. But I've been very dignified about it all, I haven't contacted him and I won't. The only thing is that last night it was his sisters birthday (who happens to be one of my close friends prior to mine and my ex's relationship) party and she wanted me to go and he thought I should go (he said so when we broke up). So I went, I arrived with my best mate (who's a male) and another good friend who my ex always though fancied the pants off me. My ex gave me a hug when I arrived and had a bit of banter with me and I went along with it but very cooly. All his friends wanted to talk to me and dance with me and it was a really great night. I didn't ignore him at all but I didn't go out of my way to speak to him, it was always him speaking to me. I thought I caught him looking at me a few times but this could be my imagination. At the end when I was leaving he waited inside so he could say goodbye and he gave me a really long hug and looked back at me as I was walking out. To me this all makes no sense because it seems like he still wants me yet he broke up with me. Did I do the right thing here? Do you think he was just confused and broke up with me without thinking and now he's regretting that? Do you think he will come back to me after some time and space? What's the best thing for me to do right now?
Please help me!
B
IT could be he is regretting his decision or it could be he is just missing being with you. The best thing for you to do is follow the plan.
IT could be he is regretting his decision or it could be he is just missing being with you. The best thing for you to do is follow the plan.
Kevin . I don't know where to begin .. So I'll try to keep it sorta short. My ex and I were together for about 2 years. The last 6 months have been long distance , because he moved for grad school. Our plan was that I would move out there after getting some work exp here (we both had just graduated). Things were not going well with the distance , I moved to working night shift which made it even tougher for us to keep in touch , this led to arguing , but I think mostly because we really just miss being together. I had applied for my license in the state he is in and had recently applied for jobs, after he pressed it , a few weeks before "the talk". He said all kinds of things .. That he was worried we would resent each other, that he could see things working out maybe in the future but not now... I was in shock. I definitely made some major mistakes .. I begged for a few days , he didn't respond .. So I finally went quiet . Maybe 4 or 5 days later he texted saying he heard two songs the night before ( our songs) and that he hoped I was finding things to smile about . I burst into tears ... I didn't know why he was saying this if he didn't want to worth through things , I didn't respond all day the text came in the morning .. But I messed up. I said saying things like this doesn't help if you don't want to try to work things out with me, it just hurts me more . I asked why he said it . He didn't respond . Then I asked again and he said could we talk later because he had an early meeting . I felt bad and emailed him the next day, told him I didn't mean to pressure him but that I thought we could work things out . He responded a few days later saying he didn't know what the answers all were and didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep but that we definitely need to be apart right now. Apologized for ruining my spring break, when I had planned to see him, and said to take care of myself. I haven't messaged him since. He texted me a little over a week ago to say he say my fb status and that it is becoming one of his favorites .. It is a quote from a poem that is inspirational . Anyway, I got a few calls back for interviews for a few really awesome jobs . I've continued to apply here with no responses . I decided I will go interview in late April and have scheduled interviews. His mom texted me yesterday and said she felt bad but that he called and told her he went sight seeing in NYC and she asked who he went with and he went on about some girl classmate he likes or something . She knew I was going for interviews and didn't want me to go not knowing or something . I don't know whAt to do. I was going to leave him be for a month then a weeks or so before coming test the waters with a few texts and mention id be in town for interviews if he'd like me to return some of his belongings . I really feel like we are meant to be together , but I'm feeling sort of like I messed things up here and drove him away .... Do you have any advice ? I don't want to scare him by interviewing there but I really do hate t here and liked it there when I visited , plus either of these two awesome jobs would be really amazing for my career ....
Go for the job interviews. What you plan on doing seems like a good idea. All the best.
I think the hard part will be playing it cool if he does say yeah and agrees to see me. I wish it was easier to control my emotions , but it really does hurt that barely 3 weeks after we break up he is seeing someone else, when he told me he wasn't apposed to eventually trying to work things out, but that the way things have been going we needed to break things off right now so we don't resent each other . He's told me so many times that he trusts me more than anyone in the world and loves that he feels like he can be completely open with me without feeling judged when he is used to always having to be "on". Do you think he was maybe seeing her before we split ? I don't want to think that because he is someone I've always considered to be a very honest person ... I'm just really unsure now ... It thought we'd be able to work things out ... But now I don't know. Do you have any advice to help play it cool when you're nervous or upset ?? It would probably help for my interviews too. Ha!
Im so mad at myself! I was looking at his fb, which I know I shouldnt be, and I accidently liked a post someone posted on his wall, because I was scrolling with my finger on my Iphone. Do I really have to start over? Im so mad at myself. ughhhhh. Can I just add a few days, or maybe like half a week. I just dont want to let him know spur of the moment that Im coming out for interviews and not give him time to digest it.
Don't worry about it too much. It was an honest mistake. Try staying away from his facebook though.
Don't worry about it too much. It was an honest mistake. Try staying away from his facebook though.
Don't worry about it too much. It was an honest mistake. Try staying away from his facebook though.
Don't worry about it too much. It was an honest mistake. Try staying away from his facebook though.
Don't worry about it too much. It was an honest mistake. Try staying away from his facebook though.
Im so mad at myself! I was looking at his fb, which I know I shouldnt be, and I accidently liked a post someone posted on his wall, because I was scrolling with my finger on my Iphone. Do I really have to start over? Im so mad at myself. ughhhhh. Can I just add a few days, or maybe like half a week. I just dont want to let him know spur of the moment that Im coming out for interviews and not give him time to digest it.
Im so mad at myself! I was looking at his fb, which I know I shouldnt be, and I accidently liked a post someone posted on his wall, because I was scrolling with my finger on my Iphone. Do I really have to start over? Im so mad at myself. ughhhhh. Can I just add a few days, or maybe like half a week. I just dont want to let him know spur of the moment that Im coming out for interviews and not give him time to digest it.
Im so mad at myself! I was looking at his fb, which I know I shouldnt be, and I accidently liked a post someone posted on his wall, because I was scrolling with my finger on my Iphone. Do I really have to start over? Im so mad at myself. ughhhhh. Can I just add a few days, or maybe like half a week. I just dont want to let him know spur of the moment that Im coming out for interviews and not give him time to digest it.
I think the hard part will be playing it cool if he does say yeah and agrees to see me. I wish it was easier to control my emotions , but it really does hurt that barely 3 weeks after we break up he is seeing someone else, when he told me he wasn't apposed to eventually trying to work things out, but that the way things have been going we needed to break things off right now so we don't resent each other . He's told me so many times that he trusts me more than anyone in the world and loves that he feels like he can be completely open with me without feeling judged when he is used to always having to be "on". Do you think he was maybe seeing her before we split ? I don't want to think that because he is someone I've always considered to be a very honest person ... I'm just really unsure now ... It thought we'd be able to work things out ... But now I don't know. Do you have any advice to help play it cool when you're nervous or upset ?? It would probably help for my interviews too. Ha!
I think the hard part will be playing it cool if he does say yeah and agrees to see me. I wish it was easier to control my emotions , but it really does hurt that barely 3 weeks after we break up he is seeing someone else, when he told me he wasn't apposed to eventually trying to work things out, but that the way things have been going we needed to break things off right now so we don't resent each other . He's told me so many times that he trusts me more than anyone in the world and loves that he feels like he can be completely open with me without feeling judged when he is used to always having to be "on". Do you think he was maybe seeing her before we split ? I don't want to think that because he is someone I've always considered to be a very honest person ... I'm just really unsure now ... It thought we'd be able to work things out ... But now I don't know. Do you have any advice to help play it cool when you're nervous or upset ?? It would probably help for my interviews too. Ha!
Go for the job interviews. What you plan on doing seems like a good idea. All the best.
Hey Kevin,
My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me about 12 days ago, we really loved each other alot but then my ex decided to study abroad for the next couple of years, a few months ago and we decided to stick together and try long distance and see what happens, and most of the relationship was great in many ways, however the last 2 months of the relationship were bad and I admittedly was very bitter and used to argue and bicker alot which eventually drove him away, and now he said "I'm not the one for him" and he sees no future with me.
I really want to fix myself because I was being very emotional and I'm worried it's too late and he already made his decision
Do you think it can still work? He's leaving the country in a few months, I'm scared
Hi Kevin, Me and my boyfriend broke up a day ago and it was bad it all started from me wanting to talk about what happened the night before So let me explain He came over and said to me that he couldn't stay because he had to get his children for the night I didn't believe him so I said that I wanted to have face time on the phone so he could prove it to me and he said ok so I waited awhile to call him and he did answer so I asked was he home yet and he replied no I'm almost home I'm with my children now I say ok I'll call you back in 30 minutes so you guys can get settled he says ok I call back and the phone was turned off so the next day when I talked to him he says I turned the phone off because I don't have time for this childish stuff so I asked would I see him he said yes I say ok because we need to talk he comes over and gets upset soon as I try to communicate so we get into a big argument and he says let me leave and I refused to because I didn't understand why he didn't want to talk so I tried to beg and pled with him to stay and nothing worked and I felt so disrespected that I slapped him and still held him from leaving but before he left he said to me that I was the only reason why he didn't move out of state and he says that he is done with me and I will never see him again so I called and called him he would not answer so I texted with no response then the next day I called him because I needed a way to work and ask if he could provide it for me and he did do you think I still have a chance with him?
Yeah, you do have a chance. But you both seem to have communication and trust issues. Even if you do get back together, I'll suggest you work on those issues.
Yeah, you do have a chance. But you both seem to have communication and trust issues. Even if you do get back together, I'll suggest you work on those issues.
Hey Kevin , I forgot to tell you that I'm 34 and he is 43 this relationship has been for 6 years on and off most of the time on.
Kevin,
My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me almost two weeks ago. During the first week I did a lot of soul searching and realized a lot about myself. This last Sunday we met up at a coffee shop and I talked to her about all I realized and she was very open to it. We had a great night. I even made her dance with me in Starbucks and she was laughing, embarrassed, and kind of crying, it was nice. I actually wrote her a letter about all that I realized and that I loved her and that I will give her space. She wanted to keep it. The last time we texted was the 26th, and I just found your articles and they seem great. What should be my next step?
I think you are doing well. Give her some space and then meet up again. I'll say a week or two. Have a few more fun dates and then ask her to get back together.
I believe she broke up with me because she wants to be free and independent, however it seemed like she was trying hard to make herself think she didn't love me. Even when it was obvious to me and everyone around us. Not even her best friends new.. It seems she has doubts about who she is. Does this change the way I should handle it?
No, it doesn't.
No, it doesn't.
No, it doesn't.
No, it doesn't.
I believe she broke up with me because she wants to be free and independent, however it seemed like she was trying hard to make herself think she didn't love me. Even when it was obvious to me and everyone around us. Not even her best friends new.. It seems she has doubts about who she is. Does this change the way I should handle it?
I believe she broke up with me because she wants to be free and independent, however it seemed like she was trying hard to make herself think she didn't love me. Even when it was obvious to me and everyone around us. Not even her best friends new.. It seems she has doubts about who she is. Does this change the way I should handle it?
I think you are doing well. Give her some space and then meet up again. I'll say a week or two. Have a few more fun dates and then ask her to get back together.
what if my bf left 2 weeks ago, but is having serious neck surgery in 2 weeks. should i go to see him at the hospital or not?
I don't think it's a good idea. If he wants you to be there, he'll call you. Otherwise, it'll look needy on your part. If you're worried, you can send him a good luck text before surgery and ask him how it went after it.
I don't think it's a good idea. If he wants you to be there, he'll call you. Otherwise, it'll look needy on your part. If you're worried, you can send him a good luck text before surgery and ask him how it went after it.
Hey Kevin,
Here's what happened so far, since he threatened to call the cops and told me to leave his life permanently I immediately dropped contact with him, after a full 24 hours without me he contacted me back with the longest paragraph apologizing for his actions, stating that I'm an amazing, beautiful person that will have a lucky man, and that he just wants to be friends. I called him to talk to him and he said he would allow feelings to come if they do come between us but right now he has feelings for a taken girl across the country I can do nothing about, he said, "Well don't you think distance doesn't matter, and that you can like other people while you're in a relationship?" So she's definitely leading him on and her boyfriend doesn't have a clue. I know all I can do is let that play out. Now that we are back to being "Friends" (I tried telling him I didn't want to put a label on us), do we stand a chance? How do I get him to regain feelings for me, are there any tips you can offer for me now to get out of the 'friendzone'. He's passionately, deeply loved me, and he only 'likes' her, I'd say I stand a chance except he claims he feels nothing romantic for me anymore at all.
Thanks Kevin!
Well, I don't think you are really friendzoned. I don't think he sees you as a friend yet. He is just using this friendship excuse to keep you around as a backup. Don't talk to him about his new girlfriend. And since you never finished no contact, tell him you need some time and space and start no contact.
She's not his girlfriend, but a girl he has feelings for. Today I spent the entire day with him and we had fun and he did kiss me and was romantic but kept stating he didn't 'love' me, but he did feel emotionally amazing. At the end of the day we fell asleep together and as I was about to leave he said he felt sleepy and that he felt guilty for not talking to the girl all day, which bothered me but I tried to ignore it. He said he strongly missed being with me too. He kissed me before I left, but I'm definitely feeling like getting time and space after today is a priority, he misses me, he kisses me, but hes talking about this stranger he just started talking to a lot and likes, and hes not committing at all.
Yes, time and space is priority. You need to let him know that you won't be his backup. And the best way to do that is to apply no contact.
Yes, time and space is priority. You need to let him know that you won't be his backup. And the best way to do that is to apply no contact.
Yes, time and space is priority. You need to let him know that you won't be his backup. And the best way to do that is to apply no contact.
Yes, time and space is priority. You need to let him know that you won't be his backup. And the best way to do that is to apply no contact.
She's not his girlfriend, but a girl he has feelings for. Today I spent the entire day with him and we had fun and he did kiss me and was romantic but kept stating he didn't 'love' me, but he did feel emotionally amazing. At the end of the day we fell asleep together and as I was about to leave he said he felt sleepy and that he felt guilty for not talking to the girl all day, which bothered me but I tried to ignore it. He said he strongly missed being with me too. He kissed me before I left, but I'm definitely feeling like getting time and space after today is a priority, he misses me, he kisses me, but hes talking about this stranger he just started talking to a lot and likes, and hes not committing at all.
She's not his girlfriend, but a girl he has feelings for. Today I spent the entire day with him and we had fun and he did kiss me and was romantic but kept stating he didn't 'love' me, but he did feel emotionally amazing. At the end of the day we fell asleep together and as I was about to leave he said he felt sleepy and that he felt guilty for not talking to the girl all day, which bothered me but I tried to ignore it. He said he strongly missed being with me too. He kissed me before I left, but I'm definitely feeling like getting time and space after today is a priority, he misses me, he kisses me, but hes talking about this stranger he just started talking to a lot and likes, and hes not committing at all.
Well, I don't think you are really friendzoned. I don't think he sees you as a friend yet. He is just using this friendship excuse to keep you around as a backup. Don't talk to him about his new girlfriend. And since you never finished no contact, tell him you need some time and space and start no contact.
Hi Kevin
Great site! I am not sure if my problem is for this section of your site...
I was with my ex for almost 2.5 years. He had an ex that he knew her and her family (best friends with the brothers) for 11 years now. Her and him dated but broke up 2 or 3 times. One point he put a down payment on a wedding ring for her (He was in his mid 20’s at this time). One of the breakups she left him and gave him no reason. Him and his friends told me that it really tore him up. At the very start of our relationship (he was 29 – I am 5 years older) he needed space and went to therapy – one of the issues was he needed closure from his ex. Just happens he saw her at a wedding and did just that.
We continued our relationship…all great…until…we had our first real fight about a lie he told me, we didn’t talk for 2 days, when we did talk (long story short – and after a lot of pulling teeth) he tells me he saw his ex during our fight and a lot of good and bad feelings came back. He feels that the last 2 months he was forcing his love for me (didn’t seem that way). He wants to end it with me and try with her. He knows it’s a mistake but it’s a chance he wants to take! He gave me some bs that I was the best thing that happened to him but he has feelings for her.
What I found out was she started texting him out of the blue and they texting for a few months. They would even get into text fights not talk for a few days and she would text back and apologize (which she would never do in the past) He told his friend he wants to move fast and even marry her. His friends and family are not happy about his decision.
This all happened, then he left for 3 weeks’ vacation with his family. It’s been 3 weeks that he has been back. I only contacted him the 2 days after the breakup before he left.
Any thoughts on this…
Hey Ginger,
To be honest, I feel he is a lost cause. He never really got over his ex and never really got closure. Otherwise, he wouldn't have started contact with her even though he knew that he is risking his current relationship by doing so. I guess the best thing for you to do is apply no contact. Think about it before taking any action.
Hey Ginger,
To be honest, I feel he is a lost cause. He never really got over his ex and never really got closure. Otherwise, he wouldn't have started contact with her even though he knew that he is risking his current relationship by doing so. I guess the best thing for you to do is apply no contact. Think about it before taking any action.
It's hard to say, apply no contact for a week then ask him if he wants to continue the relationship or break up. If he still doesn't reply properly, apply no contact for a month.
Also, I just saw your other comment. Do you still want me to delete your comments?
I think the issue is more than what seems on the surface. It could be that he was just using you. If he was, you should be glad that it's over.
Also, I just saw your other comment. Do you still want me to delete your comments?
I think the issue is more than what seems on the surface. It could be that he was just using you. If he was, you should be glad that it's over.
Hey kevin.well me and my ex g.f broke up before 2 weeks.she is 4 year elder than me.reason of break up is she was not giving me enough time.i dumped her in the first place.after 7 days i apologized her for my action but she is not taking me back and very angry on me.she said she doesn't want me back n mood off etc..it ended up with begging and pleading+ chasing her.but nothing worked.i said her, i can live without her & date another girl n happy to leave you.im following NO CONTACT RULE.today is my 13th day.i never got any single text/call from her.i EXPECT detailed reply from you kevin as my situation is worse.i think abt her all the time and get upset.i really love her.i want her back now.i regret for my stupid words and action.i feel guilty .what to do kevin ..please reply me .my hope is only u now as u r ecpert.THANKS .
It's OK you didn't get a text or call from her. It's completely normal. you have a chance of getting back together. Follow the 5 step plan.
It's OK you didn't get a text or call from her. It's completely normal. you have a chance of getting back together. Follow the 5 step plan.
Dear Kevin,
I love this article , I willing to try the 30 day rule but i am afraid as if I've already messed things up already. The ex I took interested in claims he has feelings for me too.him and I didn't had a bad break up. But , I was one of those people who felled for a re bound relationship right after because Like you stated these are people who have a hard time moving on.He too, Did the same with my friend . which is why it was really hard and hurting at the time.
We didn't talk for 3-4 months, I started talking to him again during the rebound relationship just like every other rebound relationship the fire die out. we cling on to each other , like our old self and rekindle our small fire.
But the issued it self happen when weeks passed by when he said "I love you" "i miss you" " i don't want to see you dating any others".
So I thought - okay maybe this guy want to date me?
the moment I asked him "What are we?"
he couldn't even give me a straight flat answer in fact he told me we're friends but weren't cause he does see me in his future and he can't friend-zone me . like he has done to my friend.
it became really ugly , because both of us got upset. I told him , That he didn't wanted to date me and how i feel like i wasn't worth it because he decided to point me out as the issue stated " I wasn't ready". but he keep playing mind game with me constantly , it starting to hurt a whole lot even worst.
So what can I do in this situation ?
He's my best-friend , I really don't want to lose him.
He left me 2,5 months ago telling me he needed time to think and he wasn't sure about us anymore. We were together for 3,5 years and trying to have a baby. I left home to give him space. I didn't contact for 2 weeks. About a month after I left I asked for an answer and since he said he needed more time we broke up. I didn't contact him since and he text me yesterday on my birthday telling me that he thinks about me all the time and that he is sorry for everything. All this time that I'm gone he is seeing another woman who I think he really likes and she is one of the reasons he wanted time. I went over our place to talk and he told that he is still confused and he though he wants to he can't try at this point to be with me with all his power, that he is not ready yet. I told him that it is now or never but he is reluctant. I mailed him telling him that now it' s the right time to try, otherwise he will lose me forever. I found a house and I'm moving out. What should I do from now on? I really want him back but I think that he has to try to win me back not me.
Move out and start no contact. You have to decide if he doesn't want to try to win you back, do you want to pursue him? If not, then give him a time limit (say 6 months), if he doesn't try during that time, then you concentrate on moving on.
Move out and start no contact. You have to decide if he doesn't want to try to win you back, do you want to pursue him? If not, then give him a time limit (say 6 months), if he doesn't try during that time, then you concentrate on moving on.
Hello. I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 3 months (both age 24). We loved each other very much and for both is our first serious relationship. We have both mistaken but I have slapped him and played some kind of a role saying that I am going to commit suicide in order to attract his attention. At first he hardly moved on and everything was allright until because of his lack of manner behaviour I slapped him again and again did the suicide thing. Right now he says that he needs at least some time till he will speak again with me. I don't know if he will ever want to be together again. He is not communicating. I did all the mistakes possibl3 contacting him but not succesful because I did the same mistake twice (with the fight). He said he doesn't know if we will be back together and for now he needs a break until deciding to talk yo me again. I mention that he still has pictures witg me in his house, still acces my FB account in order to play games, still keeps me in his phone with the name "Baby". I know I have mistaken, I know I was immature, didn't think of the consequences. I will be patient and for the first time in my life follow the 5 steps. Do I have any chance? He says that I promised to change and I didn't and that I make him not love me anymore.
Yes, you have a good chance.
I called him and we finally met. He said he isn't ready to call me again. He said we are still apart. He used to love and say it but after what happened he says he can't answer me the question if he loves me anymore. We had sex and after i asked him if we are ok and he says we are still in a break up. He gets nervous if i visit him and tells me to leave but when the nerves are gone we get along very well. He tells me that we are not as close as we have been. He can't answer me if he loves me anymore or not. He can't answer if he wants to be together again or not. He says right now he doesn't feel like being back together with me after what I did to him. He also says that he gets nervous about my questions. He answers me the phone but he doesn't call me. I really think that's all crap. What should I do? Should I break with him or be patient and wait for him? Is he playing with me? Why is he acting like that is he trying to make me feel horrible for what i did? I start thinking that if he can't be nice again he didn't even love me from the beginnig. He says that i don't know how to love somebody and says that i am troubled because i was acting bad with my ex too and also kissed other guys (even though with my ex had no sexual relation and the present guy was my first guy). Is he messing me? Trying to make me pay? Is there any chance to get back together even though i am waiting, what for (he's answer for everything is "i dont know")? I thought we are in a break, than i found out we are separated, than we had sex and thought we are back together but found out he is not with me. What should i do? It's hard to leave him alone.
If you are broken up right now, follow the plan. You have to leave him alone for this to work. If you keep on contacting him, you will keep pushing him further away.
And one more thing: i asked him to be honest and to let me know if he doesn't want to be with me anymore because i will understand a "no" instead of all this game and 3ven though i will be hurt i will start dealing with the situation and leave him alone and he says he doesn't have an answer.
If you are broken up right now, follow the plan. You have to leave him alone for this to work. If you keep on contacting him, you will keep pushing him further away.
And one more thing: i asked him to be honest and to let me know if he doesn't want to be with me anymore because i will understand a "no" instead of all this game and 3ven though i will be hurt i will start dealing with the situation and leave him alone and he says he doesn't have an answer.
If you are broken up right now, follow the plan. You have to leave him alone for this to work. If you keep on contacting him, you will keep pushing him further away.
And one more thing: i asked him to be honest and to let me know if he doesn't want to be with me anymore because i will understand a "no" instead of all this game and 3ven though i will be hurt i will start dealing with the situation and leave him alone and he says he doesn't have an answer.
If you are broken up right now, follow the plan. You have to leave him alone for this to work. If you keep on contacting him, you will keep pushing him further away.
And one more thing: i asked him to be honest and to let me know if he doesn't want to be with me anymore because i will understand a "no" instead of all this game and 3ven though i will be hurt i will start dealing with the situation and leave him alone and he says he doesn't have an answer.
I called him and we finally met. He said he isn't ready to call me again. He said we are still apart. He used to love and say it but after what happened he says he can't answer me the question if he loves me anymore. We had sex and after i asked him if we are ok and he says we are still in a break up. He gets nervous if i visit him and tells me to leave but when the nerves are gone we get along very well. He tells me that we are not as close as we have been. He can't answer me if he loves me anymore or not. He can't answer if he wants to be together again or not. He says right now he doesn't feel like being back together with me after what I did to him. He also says that he gets nervous about my questions. He answers me the phone but he doesn't call me. I really think that's all crap. What should I do? Should I break with him or be patient and wait for him? Is he playing with me? Why is he acting like that is he trying to make me feel horrible for what i did? I start thinking that if he can't be nice again he didn't even love me from the beginnig. He says that i don't know how to love somebody and says that i am troubled because i was acting bad with my ex too and also kissed other guys (even though with my ex had no sexual relation and the present guy was my first guy). Is he messing me? Trying to make me pay? Is there any chance to get back together even though i am waiting, what for (he's answer for everything is "i dont know")? I thought we are in a break, than i found out we are separated, than we had sex and thought we are back together but found out he is not with me. What should i do? It's hard to leave him alone.
I called him and we finally met. He said he isn't ready to call me again. He said we are still apart. He used to love and say it but after what happened he says he can't answer me the question if he loves me anymore. We had sex and after i asked him if we are ok and he says we are still in a break up. He gets nervous if i visit him and tells me to leave but when the nerves are gone we get along very well. He tells me that we are not as close as we have been. He can't answer me if he loves me anymore or not. He can't answer if he wants to be together again or not. He says right now he doesn't feel like being back together with me after what I did to him. He also says that he gets nervous about my questions. He answers me the phone but he doesn't call me. I really think that's all crap. What should I do? Should I break with him or be patient and wait for him? Is he playing with me? Why is he acting like that is he trying to make me feel horrible for what i did? I start thinking that if he can't be nice again he didn't even love me from the beginnig. He says that i don't know how to love somebody and says that i am troubled because i was acting bad with my ex too and also kissed other guys (even though with my ex had no sexual relation and the present guy was my first guy). Is he messing me? Trying to make me pay? Is there any chance to get back together even though i am waiting, what for (he's answer for everything is "i dont know")? I thought we are in a break, than i found out we are separated, than we had sex and thought we are back together but found out he is not with me. What should i do? It's hard to leave him alone.
Yes, you have a good chance.
My ex bf is almost 17 and im almost 18 we have the problm of distance and the age the reason we broke up was that we didnt talk to each other for 2 weeks befor that he taught i was tcheting than bom when we talkd he said he askd another girl out and she said yes and shes his new gf that was in december 2014 we almoust got together he was said.. But the two problms mentiond upove were the thing that stopd us i love him and cant be with another men
Follow the advise in the article.
Follow the advise in the article.
My girlfriend broke up with me. My friend who's a guy lives with her now and she's sleeping with his friend. I did everything you mentioned not to do.she got a restraining order against me. I think the restraining order ends today. The first 3 weeks I couldn't sleep or eat and now I'm slowly forgetting and trying to move on. I have been hanging out with friends but I still feel empty. I have a girl that wants to date me and do stuff with me ( she's pretty and all )but I can't get over my ex so I can't really do anything with her. I stopped seeing her FB messages 2 days ago and she was telling the guy that she's sleeping with that she thinks about me. He got really mad at her for that and told her to move on. It doesn't really hurt me that's she's dating other guys because I guess they are all rebounds right ? I don't really have her number so i don't knows how ill contact her after I complete the no contact theory which I think should last me about 2 months... Do you still think that it will work out between me and her if she sleeped with another guy after a week that we broke up. I know I should try to be with her because she has very good heart and I know she cares but every one is telling me to let her go . I been getting better I'm not depressed like I was the first 3 weeks but I still want her company . My question is how much longer can I do the no contact if the restriction order is over and I don't have her phone number to contact her but I know where she lives and works please help me thank you very much
I'll recommend you continue no contact for another 4 weeks. And how did you see her facebook messages? Do you have her password? If so, don't do it every again. It's a breach of her privacy and it's only going to make you feel worse. If you are looking at her messages or are obsessing over her profile, you are not really following no contact.
I'll recommend you continue no contact for another 4 weeks. And how did you see her facebook messages? Do you have her password? If so, don't do it every again. It's a breach of her privacy and it's only going to make you feel worse. If you are looking at her messages or are obsessing over her profile, you are not really following no contact.
hey
me and my boyfriend started dating one year ago
i'am new in this town he liked me and i liked him too then he just started getting away from me and he broke up with me i was so despret and i asked him why i wanted him back so badly i just walked away from him when i see him he say hi and call me (only when we meet) 1 month ago i saw him and we went out and had so much fun ( he and my mom are friends she love him and always ask me to call him ) after that he didnt call or text me or say anything about getting back together i was so despret so i v datted another guy but he was his friend i didnt knew that he was his friend he called me and we had a fight i said sorry i didnt know that he is ur friend and he asked to see me i said no at first but then i accepted we went out like nothing happened he asked me to broke up with my boyfriend and get back together i said ok because i love him and he know that we kissed and hugged
3days later i broke up with my boyfrind and called him but he didnt call me back or text me i saw him with my mom at the mall he was so happy and he jke with mom and we just hd fun i asked him where were u why u didnt call me back he said we ll talk later and call u but he didnt i wted him for 5 days till he saw me walking at the beach and he called me and ask me how i was doing he feel jealous when he see me with another guy but he don't take us seriously today i saw him and talked when we are together i feel that he love me but when i go he don t call or text or say that he want me back
please tell me how to do to get him back and make him want me and call me to get back together
Hey Kevin,
My boyfriend and I recently broke up when I started treating him badly when I thought I was going to lose him when he got accepted to school and I didn't. We had a lot of fights that month, and he finally decided to break things off with me. I found out after I have BPD and that's why I was doing a lot of mean things and I didn't know why. He doesn't know this yet, but I've tried to talk to him and he doesn't want anything to do with me. He just keeps saying it's over. I'm going to try your method out, but my question is, do I have much hope? I said some awful things and do you think it's possible for someone to get over that? :/
Yes, you do have hope. Work on your issues. He needs to see that you are making an effort to change yourself so that you will not behave like that again. Yes, he will be able to get over that if he can be assured that you've changed. Although, don't try to convince him, you can only show him. Like I say in the plan.
Yes, you do have hope. Work on your issues. He needs to see that you are making an effort to change yourself so that you will not behave like that again. Yes, he will be able to get over that if he can be assured that you've changed. Although, don't try to convince him, you can only show him. Like I say in the plan.
I fell in love with my male best friend. We were together for more than 2 yrs as boyfriend and girlfriend.. We got along great as bffs but not as boyfriend and girlfriend. I had a life altering event in that caused me to put my life into perspective and I decided to break up with him because im not sure he felt the same way i did. He told me he did but the actions didnt match at times. It has been a year after the breakup, but i have tried to remain friends with him, but it has been difficult because i still love him like a boyfriend. I would attempt nc but I would do it for a week or so and he would text me and I would answer back. But not sure this pertains to my situation since we have been broken up for a year but still friends on and off. My goal is to get over him as my boyfriend and just be friends. I started no contact and its been 11 days. He emailed me on day 10 telling me he isnt happy that I chose to leave his life and not talking with me and that im his bff. I told him that I was taking time to heal before inititaing no contact. So do I answer the email and reiterate that i just need time to heal? Should I be still doing no contact when I just want to be is friends? I feel already that after 30 days he will be really angry at me and wont talk to me.
You should tell him that you want to do no contact. Although, I must warn you that it'll be very difficult to just be friends with him and not have any feelings towards him. It'll be easier for you to just cut him from your life and move on.
You should tell him that you want to do no contact. Although, I must warn you that it'll be very difficult to just be friends with him and not have any feelings towards him. It'll be easier for you to just cut him from your life and move on.
hi, I submitted a comment last night 3.27.14 and have not heard back? please respond , thank you kindly
I replied to you here.
I replied to you here.
Kevin,
So here is the story. My boyfriend and I dated on-and-off for about 3 years. When I met him I was actually in a serious relationship (2.5 years) that I broke off to be with him. We had a rocky beginning, and it took me a long time to be comfortable enough with him to call him my boyfriend, which he resented me for. About 6 months into our relationship he breaks up with me to be with another girl. I was devastated, she was younger and more beautiful than I am.
I made the mistake of keeping in contact with him throughout his entire relationship with her, that lasted about 3 months. Then when I instituted a no contact rule, after about 2 weeks he was begging to be back with me. To which I obliged. However, over the course of the next 2 or so years, he was constantly doubting his decision. I asked him to not talk to her, but he still did, and when he did he would tell her that he still thought about her. He even took her to dinner and lied about it while we were together but begged me for forgiveness and was more in love with me after that than I had ever seen.
I was always expressing distrust and insecurity over the situation he had with her, which I guess made me unattractive and I am regretting it now. But.. things with us were going SO well recently but then a couple weeks ago, he went on a trip with his friends, and met a (GORGEOUS) girl who lives 3 hours away and I guess he got her number. And when he came home he was being really distant so I asked if we could talk... and it turned out that he had been talking to her and that he all of a sudden didn't see a future with me.
I cannot tell if this relationship is just a rebound, and I have a chance of a future with this indecisive person, or if I should just let go of the entire thing and move on. I love him and I know he has felt the same way about me, too, he is just still trying to figure out what he wants. In the first couple days of the breakup I made the mistake of begging him to work through our issues instead of breaking up with me, and I told him I would always be there for him.. but have instituted a NC rule for myself to get over him.
I guess, just from what has happened in the past, I have a feeling that he will date her for a couple of months and then come back to me again, but I cannot tell if this is a rebound or not. What should I do?
It could be a rebound. But I really think you should apply no contact for at least 3-4 months and think if you really see a future with him. Like you said, indecisiveness has always been a problem. And it will be in the future as well. Why not spend your time finding someone who can truly commit to you.
It could be a rebound. But I really think you should apply no contact for at least 3-4 months and think if you really see a future with him. Like you said, indecisiveness has always been a problem. And it will be in the future as well. Why not spend your time finding someone who can truly commit to you.
Where to start?
My ex just broke up with me 5 weeks ago. The first few weeks didn't really feel like a break up, we continued to hang out and talk non stop. The last few weeks have been a lot harder. We managed a goodbye and no contact for a week, then he began to text again. We've slept together about once a week since the break up. (No, hes not using me... this is just really hard on BOTH of us, as we still love each other very much.) We argued a lot, and had communication issues. I also am dealing with depression and severe anxiety issues, which I hadn't been honest with him about until it was too late. He would want tl plan things and outings with friends... I would get angry and start arguments instead of being honest about it giving me anxiety. Its been bad the last 6 months, like a "social phobia"- I panic about doing new things/meeting new people, feel like I am always being watched. But I hid that from him. I stopped being happy and goofy and outgoing... I dont laugh or smile or be goofy any more. He is the exact opposite. Ive now started seeing a therapist and am getting on meds to help with the anxiety. He has been very understanding and supportive about it since I told him, though he was still very determined to stick with his decision and be done as a couple. As much as that kills me, I have tried to be understanding and accepting. Then all of a sudden two days ago i wake up to a few missed calls from 7:30am, and he ends up telling me how confused he is and how much he misses me and loves me. We talked all day and then i went over to his house and we had a giant long talk (and sex :/) and at times it seemed to go well. I can see he is very confused and hurting too, and I know he hates how much its hurting me. But in the end he still thought it was best to say our goodbyes, and end contact as neither of us are moving on this way. So now its back to feeling like a fresh breakup, and I don't know what to do. I want to give him what he wants... but I also feel like it would be a huge mistake to just walk away and give up. We were engaged at one point, and very happy. But we had so many outside stressors (money, jobs, living situations) and took our stress out on eachother. We let our bouts of depression pull us apart, and I let my anxiety tear us the rest of the way apart. But I know we are both still in love with eachother, and hurting very much. It doesn't feel right to just give up.
Hey Bee,
If he has asked you to cut contact, you should respect his wishes and do it. At least for the time being. I know the breakup is hard on both of you, but you both really need a little bit of no contact to get perspective. You should contact him after a month and do the things mentioned in the article.
Hey Bee,
If he has asked you to cut contact, you should respect his wishes and do it. At least for the time being. I know the breakup is hard on both of you, but you both really need a little bit of no contact to get perspective. You should contact him after a month and do the things mentioned in the article.
Hey Kevin
I was just in a relationship that moved way to fast thing is I still have strong feelings for her we been apart for 11 days when she left me I did the whole multiple pathetic text I told her a few days ago that I'll stop texting altogether she told me not to stop texting her just not as much and that she still cares about me we just moved to fast I've pretty much made myself the door mat last night I erased her number from my phone to remove the temptation to get a hold of her I'd like to know if by doing this and not talking to her if it's possible she could miss me things are complex because I guess you could say that I'm a rebound she just got out of a 6 year marage and is in the middle of a divorce she told me from the beginning that she doesn't want to move fast but she kinda made it that way she kinda smothered me tho i enjoyed it made me feel loved is it possible to get back after I've made myself look a fool
Since she told you not to stop texting her, let her know that you need some space before starting contact. IF you've already deleted her number, then don't sweat it. Continue no contact. I think you do have a chance to get back together.
Since she told you not to stop texting her, let her know that you need some space before starting contact. IF you've already deleted her number, then don't sweat it. Continue no contact. I think you do have a chance to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
my bf dumped me 5 days ago telling me that he wants to be alone.Two days before that everything was fine.I am confused.Today me send me an email telling me how it isn't problem with me,but him.That we should enjoy lives be ourselves,without relationship.
Things like this happend few times before in the past,but in day or two everything was okay.This time nothing.I thought it was because of his friends,they don't have girlfriends and because he is unemployed and kinda stressed because of that.
We were two years together.
Please,tell me what to do :)
Follow the 5 step plan Maggy.
Follow the 5 step plan Maggy.
How do I know if my comment was submitted?
If you clicked the submit button, it was submitted. I answered it here.
If you clicked the submit button, it was submitted. I answered it here.
My BF said we needed to take a step back and he needs some space. He has a lot going on and is unsure what he wants in life. He is currently getting a new job that pays less, and his roommate is moving out soon, and he is on call also for a different job. I am currently very busy with school. He said it wasn't fair that he was stringing me along when he didn't know what he wanted. I feel like I was too needy and I pushed him away, I always wanted to hang out or do something. So we texted and I asked if he cared for me and he said and he said yea of course, then I said if he wants to try again we could. He said lets see how things are after I get settled. So I pretty much said goodbye then he said lets keep talking. So I asked straight out if there was a chance of us in the future and he said he didn't know that's why he wanted the break. Then I said if you wanna say no you can, then he said youre pissing me off lol. so we stopped texting. three days later he text me asking how I was, and I responded but with short messages and not right away. then the next day he text me at night asking if I was awake. I said yeah im with friends. he said oh I see. I said yeah whats up? he said its late, you are usually sleeping by now. I said I don't have school tomorrow, he said oh. then I asked whats up? (cause why would he text me this late when I would normally be sleeping?) he said he just wanted to say hi. so I said hi :) then he said lol. three days later I asked if he was done working nights and he said I hope. now I haven't heard from him in about a week. I know i shouldn't have text him first, but now i am not gonna text him first. what do you think all this means? Think there is any chance for us?
Yes, there is a chance for you. He was simply missing you and wanted to talk to you. It's very common after a breakup. Follow the 5 step plan.
So one night I was drinking and I text him. I asked if there was really any chance of us in the future because he has to have some idea. He said Yes I think there is, then a few :) I am now giving him some space and am gonna wait a few weeks to see how it goes.
All the best.
So he contacted me. He said he missed me and wanted to see me. He said he was thankful for the space and it made him realize what he had. So we met at his place and hung out for a little bit. He sat on the couch first so I sat about a foot away, he then moved closer and put his arm around me. and we talked and joked around like we use to. I didn't bring up the topic of us and how things are and what happened. He did say he missed me several times and when I left he hugged me and kissed me good bye and said have a good week. He usually now texts me every night. How should I go about with this? I am still really busy with school and graduate in less then 4 weeks. I got really focused on school when he needed the space and I did really well and want to keep doing well, but I don't want to loose him. Should I just take it one day at a time? I also notice now that he responds fast to my tests then he use too. And how to I address the subject of what we are to each other now?
Thanks
Don't bring up the topic of defining the relationship. At least not for a while. Let him chase you and concentrate on your school. Continue like this for a while. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Don't bring up the topic of defining the relationship. At least not for a while. Let him chase you and concentrate on your school. Continue like this for a while. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Don't bring up the topic of defining the relationship. At least not for a while. Let him chase you and concentrate on your school. Continue like this for a while. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Don't bring up the topic of defining the relationship. At least not for a while. Let him chase you and concentrate on your school. Continue like this for a while. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Don't bring up the topic of defining the relationship. At least not for a while. Let him chase you and concentrate on your school. Continue like this for a while. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Don't bring up the topic of defining the relationship. At least not for a while. Let him chase you and concentrate on your school. Continue like this for a while. Let it be his idea to get back together.
So he contacted me. He said he missed me and wanted to see me. He said he was thankful for the space and it made him realize what he had. So we met at his place and hung out for a little bit. He sat on the couch first so I sat about a foot away, he then moved closer and put his arm around me. and we talked and joked around like we use to. I didn't bring up the topic of us and how things are and what happened. He did say he missed me several times and when I left he hugged me and kissed me good bye and said have a good week. He usually now texts me every night. How should I go about with this? I am still really busy with school and graduate in less then 4 weeks. I got really focused on school when he needed the space and I did really well and want to keep doing well, but I don't want to loose him. Should I just take it one day at a time? I also notice now that he responds fast to my tests then he use too. And how to I address the subject of what we are to each other now?
Thanks
So he contacted me. He said he missed me and wanted to see me. He said he was thankful for the space and it made him realize what he had. So we met at his place and hung out for a little bit. He sat on the couch first so I sat about a foot away, he then moved closer and put his arm around me. and we talked and joked around like we use to. I didn't bring up the topic of us and how things are and what happened. He did say he missed me several times and when I left he hugged me and kissed me good bye and said have a good week. He usually now texts me every night. How should I go about with this? I am still really busy with school and graduate in less then 4 weeks. I got really focused on school when he needed the space and I did really well and want to keep doing well, but I don't want to loose him. Should I just take it one day at a time? I also notice now that he responds fast to my tests then he use too. And how to I address the subject of what we are to each other now?
Thanks
So he contacted me. He said he missed me and wanted to see me. He said he was thankful for the space and it made him realize what he had. So we met at his place and hung out for a little bit. He sat on the couch first so I sat about a foot away, he then moved closer and put his arm around me. and we talked and joked around like we use to. I didn't bring up the topic of us and how things are and what happened. He did say he missed me several times and when I left he hugged me and kissed me good bye and said have a good week. He usually now texts me every night. How should I go about with this? I am still really busy with school and graduate in less then 4 weeks. I got really focused on school when he needed the space and I did really well and want to keep doing well, but I don't want to loose him. Should I just take it one day at a time? I also notice now that he responds fast to my tests then he use too. And how to I address the subject of what we are to each other now?
Thanks
So he contacted me. He said he missed me and wanted to see me. He said he was thankful for the space and it made him realize what he had. So we met at his place and hung out for a little bit. He sat on the couch first so I sat about a foot away, he then moved closer and put his arm around me. and we talked and joked around like we use to. I didn't bring up the topic of us and how things are and what happened. He did say he missed me several times and when I left he hugged me and kissed me good bye and said have a good week. He usually now texts me every night. How should I go about with this? I am still really busy with school and graduate in less then 4 weeks. I got really focused on school when he needed the space and I did really well and want to keep doing well, but I don't want to loose him. Should I just take it one day at a time? I also notice now that he responds fast to my tests then he use too. And how to I address the subject of what we are to each other now?
Thanks
All the best.
All the best.
All the best.
So one night I was drinking and I text him. I asked if there was really any chance of us in the future because he has to have some idea. He said Yes I think there is, then a few :) I am now giving him some space and am gonna wait a few weeks to see how it goes.
So one night I was drinking and I text him. I asked if there was really any chance of us in the future because he has to have some idea. He said Yes I think there is, then a few :) I am now giving him some space and am gonna wait a few weeks to see how it goes.
Yes, there is a chance for you. He was simply missing you and wanted to talk to you. It's very common after a breakup. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
Well... I've been split up with my ex girlfriend (and mother of our two young boys) for about 11 months now. The situation is a bit odd. We own two properties, and we had been arguing a lot for the last few years of our 20 Year relationship. We are both mid thirties.
Last April she called me at work and said as the tenants were leaving our second place, did I want to stay there for a while. I suppose at the time I was pretty sick of everything too so I agreed. I thought I suppose it would just be a little break... or that it wasn't really serious.
Her main reasons for wanting me out of the house are/were reasonable... I spend too much money (about 8k on cards) , am a bit irresponsible, not helping out around house as much as I should and so on...
Anyway about July (3 moths or so after I actually moved out) I started to realise she was serious, and wasn't just going to let me back in... she didn't want me hanging around when I collected kids, didn't spend as long as I wanted on the phone.... didn't message me as much as I thought she would. I started getting anxious and making all the mistakes you list... texting, calling, calling house phone when no answer on mobile... even though she rarely went a day or two without texting me or calling about something, occasionally just to chat.
I am obsessed with the fact she may have even flirted with another man. I am insanely jealous, and have not done a very good job hiding this. Even though there is NO indication she has ever done anything other than see her girlfriends for a drink on a saturday night, or spends all of her time with the kids or at work. When I've asked her she says she has no interest in being with any other man, and tells me that my constant questioning of her is upsetting her / pissing her off (at different times!)
I know what you say is true... If I do not contact her for even a day she will call/text.
She has said she thinks she loves me. Also she has said she does love me, and we seem to be working on it. I think I just get impatient and panicky,.. it's almost a year now..
Even though in the last few months we have been out on a few occasions, one of which I asked her, but the other two times (once to seaside with kids for the day on Sunday, and last week to a stand up comedian at a theater) were her idea. I asked if I could stay over on a couple of these occasions and she has agreed,and been willing to have sex, although for some reason I have ended up backing out both occasions...?!)
I got a valentines day card (which she actually took the time to post to my door) which said on the front "I Kinda Love You". Must have taken a while to find! I know it's from her because she asked me if I'd looked in the postbox when we were texting that evening.
She says she wants to see change. Pay off my debts, be responsible. I say,so what, then you'll want me back? You'll be more attracted to me again?! She says yes...
She just seems so indifferent about whether we live together again...
I booked a table at a restaurant for Mothers Day on Sunday, one which both the boys enjoy going to as well. She knows we are going.
Tonight I fucked up again, when I popped into her house after I had been to the gym, all pumped up, and suggested maybe she could stop off when she dropped kids in tomorrow afternoon, and I would make some dinner for all of us. She said no didn't really want to, as she has lots to do around house for students she has coming to stay and was off out to have fun with her friends in the evening. Also that she gets little time to herself without kids etc etc.. which is true. I got all pissy and said something about it's only an hour, what's the problem, why don't you want to etc.... stupid.
Once I got home I texted to say "Sorry it wasn't meant to be a hassle, just thought would be nice. Need to learn to take no for an answer" she replied "Yes you do. Especially as we are out for a meal Sunday" she then went on to say that she gets one day a week to herself, and that I spend that time "insanely imagining what I may be up to" instead of enjoying my 1 day a week with kids. "It really upsets me. Please leave me be."
Phew, thanks for being here for me to get that off my chest! Observations welcome!
Hey Matt,
I think you have a pretty good chance since you two have not really broken up yet. She wants you back, she is just looking for a reason to convince herself that it will be a good idea to have you back in her life. Make the changes she expects you to make. Suggest couples counseling as well. If possible, go for individual counseling. It's going to show her your willingness and the efforts you are making to change yourself.
Hey Matt,
I think you have a pretty good chance since you two have not really broken up yet. She wants you back, she is just looking for a reason to convince herself that it will be a good idea to have you back in her life. Make the changes she expects you to make. Suggest couples counseling as well. If possible, go for individual counseling. It's going to show her your willingness and the efforts you are making to change yourself.
what do i go after the no contact rule?
Read the 5 step plan.
Read the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin
I went on vacation February 20th and I was going to be on vacation till April 7th well my ex boyfriend of 3 years and 8 months ended it with March 4th and he told me not to come home but he would text and call me sometimes still and then on March 18th he told me that he was talking to someone else but not dating them then he told me that he would buy me my ticket to come home when ever and then I ask him if I could stay at the house still and he said yes and then I ask him if he was still going to be there he said yes and that he didn't want me homeless or loose any of my belongs and then I ask him the next day the same thing and got the same answers from him and he said it was going to be different but he would still be there for me and help me out and be around for me and then he said April I am sorry about everything and what happen between us but we know it was coming and then on March 24th I text him and told him that I got my ticket and that I will home in 3 to 4 days and he text back April I know u know that I'v met someone else because people talk but I want to be honest and then I ask him I can still live in the house right because u said that and then he said she is moving in and then I ask where my stuff was and he said in the house still but I am going to put it in the shed if it ok and I told him my stuff wont fit in there. Then yesterday I found out that he put my stuff in a empty apartment building in back of my house and that she moved in yesterday and her kids she already painted both rooms yesterday for her kids and then my brother called my ex boyfriend 2 days ago and he told my ex boyfriend either he is with me or not and he said to my brother that I was staking him and that he told me that it was over and that he keep telling me and that and that I am stupid because I can't get it threw my head and then he said to my brother he moved on and he hopes this relationship works and that he don't want any drama and he doesn't want me to show up at the house at all but he told my brother that I am a friend and that he cares about me and what happens to me and that he loves me and he told my brother that he was not happy in the relationship with me and him and then he said that he met the new girlfriend a couple of days after I went on vacation and that he liked her and then he told my brother that I was going to live in the house and she was going to live in the house and my ex boyfriend said that won't work so he told my brother that I am out and his new girlfriend was in and I am still on vacation at this rate with no house to go home to and he told my brother also that he wanted to end it with me a while back but didn't know how to because he didn't want to hurt my feelings and that is why he did it now because I am around family and he wants me to stay with family. And I have no house to go back to. I am just wondering is this a rebound relationship or not because I am just so confused? And I am just wondering if he still loves me and has feelings for me and misses me? And I am just wondering if I should tell him how I feel about him still or would it make it worst? And is there anyway or hope that we would get back together? Please help I need some advice thanks.
It's possible his new relationship is a rebound. I think there is still hope and he probably still has feelings for you. Follow the 5 step plan. If it doesn't work, move on.
It's possible his new relationship is a rebound. I think there is still hope and he probably still has feelings for you. Follow the 5 step plan. If it doesn't work, move on.
The love of my life left me less than a week ago. We had only been together a year, but after all of the relationships I've been in I know in my heart he's the one. I have not initiated any contact. He started texting me 2 days later and I responded a bit harsh.. Two more days went by and he was texting me throughout the day, asking questions about work and initiating conversations, small talk etc. He then asked me how I was doing. Without seeming overly emotional/needy and wanting to remain neutral I said I'm good, keeping busy. You? He responded and said he's not doing well and he figured I'd be happy to hear that (I told him during the break up he is making a mistake). I told him he needs to figure out himself and needs more time. That I'm hurting but I'm trying to be positive. He then said "well it looks like you've got it all figured out". He has since posted pictures of alcohol and beer saying he's drinking and had a rough week. I'm so unbelievably confused I have no idea what to do?!
Follow the 5 step plan. Give him time and pace to get himself together. Tell him that you need some space and time and so does he. Apply no contact and then contact him when it's over.
Follow the 5 step plan. Give him time and pace to get himself together. Tell him that you need some space and time and so does he. Apply no contact and then contact him when it's over.
Hi Kevin, I and my boyfriend are in a relationship since 4 years we rarely meet because of family restrictions and our religion We had a bad breakup and I was involved in bad things he was studying in china that time but when he came back he asked me to meet and everything went same 3 months we were happy but then a week ago he again left for china and on a same day I bunked my college and went with my friends for hangouts here guys don't like all this and there one of his cousin saw me and then my boyfriend abused me and left me what to do I really love him
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
I signed up for your daily e-mail blasts and it's really been a big help. I guess I'm commenting now because I want to hear your opinion on my story.
My partner and I have been together for five years. It was a good relationship. He had some jealousy issues the first few years, and it was the primary cause of our fights. However, somewhere along the third-fourth year of us being together, we began to work it out and he claimed he stopped being bothered about it. The issues happen because I had a lot of guy friends from work, friends I met even before we got together, so I explained that it was hard to give up the close relationship I had with them. But, I always assured him that I was always only strictly platonic with them. I feel bad, cause I know he had a hard time accepting my relationship with these work friends of mine, but he did.
Anyway, this past year, the fifth year of our relationship, I gave up work to become a full-time student again for my master's degree. He showed me that he was very happy for me, he even bought me some necessities I needed at school, paid for some really expensive gadgets with his own humble salary just so I could get the best equipment.
I feel like we have a very honest and deep relationship; we don't keep things from each other and we try to support each other to the best of our abilities. However, when I entered school, the stress levels were very high, and I think I may have abused our relationship as a stress-reliever. I asked him to come see me a lot, and he would visit me after work, even if he had some take-home work to do. At first I didn't see any problems coming; last Christmas, he even planned a surprise for me, which made me really happy.
However, I noticed that around January, he started becoming really close to one of our common friends--I mean, we were all friends before, but ever since she was recommended to his office (so she works there now too)--they became closer. I didn't think anything of it, since I knew the girl, but then he started texting like her (using the same text language, it's very distinct), started liking the things she liked, etc. So I confronted him about it directly and asked if he was beginning to like her. He said he wasn't, he swore he wasn't, he even laughed and told me not to worry, because he was treating her the same way he treated all his female friends. I accepted his reason, since, I thought, he accepted mine way back before when I had a lot of male friends.
However, around late January, he started becoming quite distant. He didn't attend this one event in school I invited him to, opting instead to watch a movie with that female officemate. He apologized and told me it was because he already accepted her invitation before I told him about the event. I told him I was bothered by it, but ultimately if that was the case then alright.
When February came, we had an argument the day after Valentines, because he suddenly said he was "tired of our relationship" and needed "a break". He said I was becoming a stressful girlfriend, that my life at school was stressful and I was passing it onto him, and he wasn't having any fun anymore. There was a lot of crying and screaming involved in the fight, but eventually we broke up. I went home crying, but before I was able to reach my house, he caught up with me and apologized and said he wants to take it back. I told him we could try and fix things, and he agreed.
However, come March, I noticed he was getting more and more distant. Eventually, I asked him if he still wanted to stay together, and he said "I don't know". I asked him about his feelings about that female officemate, and he said "I might have feelings for her after all". After this, though reluctantly, I let him go. I initiated the break up. I told myself this was what was good for him. We broke up nicely, agreed to stay friends, and hope for the future. I felt I was very strong back then.
But apparently not. Two weeks into our break up and I've already committed most mistakes here... the thing is, whenever I text, he replies quickly, and there was even one time when I didn't reply and he called me up because he said he was worried. I regret bringing up the break up now, because I honestly do love him so much, but he says he wants to stay broken up because he needs the space. Plus, he says he'd be ridden with guilt if he gets back together with me without really having any closure on his feelings for the other person. But he also tells me he's very confused, and he loves me very much... and he does want to try to work it out in the future, just not now. Honestly, I am at a loss. I know I want to get back together, and I am experiencing for the first time how it feels like to be writhing with jealousy; I can't stop thinking of him and of that other girl, how they're together in the office, how they go out on dates, while I am another city away, in school.
I tried to break off contact permanently, but when I told him I would he panicked, asking why. I can't stop thinking of him, but I haven't been sending a zillion texts a day. I initiate contact probably 2x a week, some friendly conversation about unsubstantial things, like the weather, etc... but this is really taking a lot of self-control, and often I feel like I am going mad. We were good for five years, why did this suddenly happen? Though I am now aware of the reasons, it still feels like it came from nowhere.
Advice would be good right now. Thanks for your time, Kevin.
Hey Red,
I think cutting contact off for a while will be a good idea. You told him to cut contact permanently, that will obviously freak him out because he doesn't want to lose you. Instead, tell him you need some space and time and so does he and that it's better if you don't contact each other for a while. Tell him you will contact him after some time. You have a pretty good chance of getting back together. He doesn't want to lose you and you don't want to lose him either. Just give him time to sort out his feelings.
Hey Red,
I think cutting contact off for a while will be a good idea. You told him to cut contact permanently, that will obviously freak him out because he doesn't want to lose you. Instead, tell him you need some space and time and so does he and that it's better if you don't contact each other for a while. Tell him you will contact him after some time. You have a pretty good chance of getting back together. He doesn't want to lose you and you don't want to lose him either. Just give him time to sort out his feelings.
Me and my ex broke up two weeks ago and he told me to move on. After six years being together. Cant do the no contract becuz I have his four year old son.
Read this article to learn how to do no contact if you have children.
Read this article to learn how to do no contact if you have children.
My ex recently blocked me on Facebook and is constantly angry at me and shouting at me in front of her friends, yet I still catch her looking at me a lot. We were together for a little over a month - very short, but very intense. By week 2 I had already met her parents and slept with her.
Is this type of anger still considered a sign of strong feelings, what should I do?
Yes it is. Although, it's also a sign of abusive behavior. So think hard before getting back together.
Yes it is. Although, it's also a sign of abusive behavior. So think hard before getting back together.
Oh wise Kevin, I need a short advice again :) I have followed all your guides and all the advice you have given me and they were all very helpful and things are progressing very well. Me and my ex have now been in contact for almost a month, texting almost every day, especially in the last couple of weeks we have been chatting for hours throughout the day and especially in the evening. I am finally meeting him tomorrow for a coffee. He is still in a relationship with her on FB but it seems like he is giving all his free time and attention to me so I guess things with her are dying. In my eyes she was always just a rebound and bound to go away in a few months although it has been very hard at times. Now, my question is: do I mention his gf/relationship at all or shall I just enjoy our time together? It's not like I really want to talk about her, not at all... but maybe some clarity wouldn't hurt? What do you think?
Use your judgement. If you think he is attracted to you enough and have been warm to you for a while now (without being cold to you), then you can. Just make sure you don't bring it up in a way that makes you look needy.
Use your judgement. If you think he is attracted to you enough and have been warm to you for a while now (without being cold to you), then you can. Just make sure you don't bring it up in a way that makes you look needy.
Me and my ex broke up 6 days ago. We have been together on and off for 5 years due to arguing he cheated before and when things get hot for our household rather than stepping up like a man he runs from the responsibility he begged for me to do for him. . We are both 23 years oldAt one point we were planning on getting married and we have a little 1 year old boy together. It is day 4 of strict NC. Im doinh NC and not LC because whenever we arent together he goes sometimes 3 weeks without asking about him so I know for a fact at this point its about both me and mu kid or nothing at all and then when I say im done with him then he is all of a sudden my son this my son that. So ive attempted nc before and never finished and made progress but took him back too early he changed a little but then went back to being lazy as far as our relationship. So now I am determined to do 30 day NC. I know him well enough to know he is going to pop up at our house if I ignore him. He is currently staying at his mother’s house. What do I do about that? And after the 30 days is up im going to tell him his cousin asked me to come over to try to have sex because we broke up and I cursed him out. This cousin is the same one who tries to put him on with other women and mess up our relationship and he hangs with them not really realizing they dont give a crap about him. Even at one point a underaged high school girl was messing around with him. Just horrible. I have been trying to get him to cut them off and grow up and be committed and focus on our family. He is 100% great till he gets around his cousins and then when he does cut them off by his own choice they show up unannounced to our house to try to get him to party with them. They all cheat on their girls and are whores. They are his poison I feel. So my question is: what to do when he pops up unannounced during the 30 day NC, what to do for him to permanently change and value our family if he doesnt want to lose us and be committed, and what to do after the 30 days of NC detailed so I dont mess this up. Im tired of on and off and just want this to be permanent. We all know he is going to try to come back. Whole family says it infront of me and him. What exactly do I do for those situations so I dont mess up?
Hi Candace,
If he hasn't changed till now, there is little chance he will change in the future. If he shows up at your house, let him know calmly that you need some space and time and you need this time to be alone. Let him know that you will contact him after a while and you will appreciate it if he leaves you alone till that time. Tell him it does not mean you are moving on, it just means that you need time for yourself. If he plays the kid card, you;ll have to tell him that you are willing to make an arrangement so that he can see his kid every once in a week. If he takes you up on that offer, you will have to make an arrangement where he can see the kid once a week without you meeting him. If you have to meet him, use the rules in this article.
As for him changing, there is always a chance he will go back to his old ways when you get back together. You just have to make it clear that it's his last chance. You have to set the ground rules. You have to make it clear to him what your expectations are and what the consequences will be if he doesn't meet your expectations. The clearer you are about what you expect, the more likely you are going to get it.
Hi Candace,
If he hasn't changed till now, there is little chance he will change in the future. If he shows up at your house, let him know calmly that you need some space and time and you need this time to be alone. Let him know that you will contact him after a while and you will appreciate it if he leaves you alone till that time. Tell him it does not mean you are moving on, it just means that you need time for yourself. If he plays the kid card, you;ll have to tell him that you are willing to make an arrangement so that he can see his kid every once in a week. If he takes you up on that offer, you will have to make an arrangement where he can see the kid once a week without you meeting him. If you have to meet him, use the rules in this article.
As for him changing, there is always a chance he will go back to his old ways when you get back together. You just have to make it clear that it's his last chance. You have to set the ground rules. You have to make it clear to him what your expectations are and what the consequences will be if he doesn't meet your expectations. The clearer you are about what you expect, the more likely you are going to get it.
Hey, i just got through an extremely bad break up and messed up and did all the thing yoy said not to do. She blocked me from all forms of communition (facebook, twitter, etc.) What do I do?
Hi Kevin my ex still says hi to me when he sees me at work but other than that, he doesn't say anything beyond that. If we don't have eye contact he walks right past me. Does that mean he's over me already? He broke up with me a little over a month ago.
Doesn't necessarily mean he is over you. It could be he is just trying to avoid any awkward situation that might arise due to both of you talking.
Doesn't necessarily mean he is over you. It could be he is just trying to avoid any awkward situation that might arise due to both of you talking.
Hi Kevin,
Sent the letter so praying it means something to her. Felt really down since though and crying a lot because I really miss her so much. Even after all this time I'm still devastated without her. It doesn't help that we work about 100 yards from each other so I pass her office every day, see her car every day and sometimes see her walking about in her office every day. Really came close in the last two days to phoning her and telling her how much I love her and Luca and miss them so much and just want us all back together. Even though she'll know this and it would probably undo everything and keep her barriers up the urge has been so strong. Wondering what they are doing this weekend and yearning to be with them. Really having to try and somehow keep calm but it's so, so hard. I know I have to let her take time and reflect on the fact that I'm now divorced and hope the house sells in 2 weeks but worried now if it takes longer and have to wait longer before I can tell her and hope her barriers can then start to gradually come down. This has been the worst time of my life as I feel helpless in this situation. Guess I'm just needing some reassurance and support as I'm really struggling at the minute. She's my life.
Hey Keith,
Hang in there. I know how hard it can be. I really hope that things work out between you two. But I also want you to be prepared for the worst. I want you to accept the possibility that it might never work out with her. You have to learn to be happy in your life without her. I know it's a little hard since you are going through a lot in life. But I guarantee you that even things don't work out with her, you are still going to find the happiness and the love you deserve.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the support. I know the worst case scenario might happen and it does cross my mind a lot. Just got to somehow carry on. By the way, your email 'is my ex crazy' is so spot on. Sums up exactly what I'm thinking.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the support. I know the worst case scenario might happen and it does cross my mind a lot. Just got to somehow carry on. By the way, your email 'is my ex crazy' is so spot on. Sums up exactly what I'm thinking.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the support. I know the worst case scenario might happen and it does cross my mind a lot. Just got to somehow carry on. By the way, your email 'is my ex crazy' is so spot on. Sums up exactly what I'm thinking.
Hey Keith,
Hang in there. I know how hard it can be. I really hope that things work out between you two. But I also want you to be prepared for the worst. I want you to accept the possibility that it might never work out with her. You have to learn to be happy in your life without her. I know it's a little hard since you are going through a lot in life. But I guarantee you that even things don't work out with her, you are still going to find the happiness and the love you deserve.
Hi...i trust in your system however..i know you cannot guarantee that things will work out.. i wrote a comment on my issue before but got no reply..I am trying the NC phase however my ex contacted me to return some stuff....I would like to know if i should reply him..i dont want ne of my stuff back from him.. and secondly he hasnt spoken to me since the break up or even tried to contact me ...he has jus stopped talking to me..the only contact was to ask where to drop off my stuff..I would like to know what does him wanting to return my possessions mean? Does it mean that he doesnt want ne thing to do with me?..Am i chasing something hopeless?..please be completely honest about what his actions mean..your opinion would be greatly appreciated..thanks
Hey D,
I replied to your comments earlier over here and here.
OK, him returning your stuff can mean a lot of things. Perhaps, he is just trying to cut all ties with you and trying to move on. Or maybe your stuff is reminding him of you and he doesn't want to be reminded of you.
To be completely honest, if you really think the relationship with him is worth saving, then it will be worth it to try the plan once. If it works, great. If it doesn't, then at least you'll know that it's over with him and you can move on.
Thank you soo much for your response and your advice..I already invested a lot into the 3 and half year relationship and it backfired on me... and i just dont wanna invest into trying to get him back and he just doesnt care.. I mean if i am going to try i have to invest financially in the system and the NC period is a very hard phase to get thru.. and i dont wanna go thru all of that and have that backfire on me too..If you understand where I am coming from..Your advice has helped and made me see things a little differently
Hey,
I know how it is. On one hand, it's hard to let go of the three and a half year relationship and on the other hand, it's scary to invest more time and energy into trying to save it. Unfortunately, there's always a chance it will not work. Like I said there's no guarantee. If you can leave everything behind and move on, then you should do it. If it's meant to be, he will contact you and try to get back together. Otherwise, you are better off without him.
Thanks again... I will try at least once to work it out with him and follow your steps and trust in your system....If i dont try even if a little bit into saving it..i know i will regret it...But i also know that i cannot force some1 to be with you..if i try and it fails then i will know i did all that i can..on another note..i must say thank you for ALL your responses.. they have help give me some clarity and this site kinda acted as a sort of support group..by chance do you have a private email where we can email u for the purpose of privacy?
Thanks D. You can contact me using the contact form on this website but my email box is flooded and I am extremely busy to reply to all the emails. So it might take me a while to get back to you.
Thanks D. You can contact me using the contact form on this website but my email box is flooded and I am extremely busy to reply to all the emails. So it might take me a while to get back to you.
Thanks D. You can contact me using the contact form on this website but my email box is flooded and I am extremely busy to reply to all the emails. So it might take me a while to get back to you.
Thanks D. You can contact me using the contact form on this website but my email box is flooded and I am extremely busy to reply to all the emails. So it might take me a while to get back to you.
Thanks D. You can contact me using the contact form on this website but my email box is flooded and I am extremely busy to reply to all the emails. So it might take me a while to get back to you.
Thanks D. You can contact me using the contact form on this website but my email box is flooded and I am extremely busy to reply to all the emails. So it might take me a while to get back to you.
Thanks again... I will try at least once to work it out with him and follow your steps and trust in your system....If i dont try even if a little bit into saving it..i know i will regret it...But i also know that i cannot force some1 to be with you..if i try and it fails then i will know i did all that i can..on another note..i must say thank you for ALL your responses.. they have help give me some clarity and this site kinda acted as a sort of support group..by chance do you have a private email where we can email u for the purpose of privacy?
Thanks again... I will try at least once to work it out with him and follow your steps and trust in your system....If i dont try even if a little bit into saving it..i know i will regret it...But i also know that i cannot force some1 to be with you..if i try and it fails then i will know i did all that i can..on another note..i must say thank you for ALL your responses.. they have help give me some clarity and this site kinda acted as a sort of support group..by chance do you have a private email where we can email u for the purpose of privacy?
Thanks again... I will try at least once to work it out with him and follow your steps and trust in your system....If i dont try even if a little bit into saving it..i know i will regret it...But i also know that i cannot force some1 to be with you..if i try and it fails then i will know i did all that i can..on another note..i must say thank you for ALL your responses.. they have help give me some clarity and this site kinda acted as a sort of support group..by chance do you have a private email where we can email u for the purpose of privacy?
Thanks again... I will try at least once to work it out with him and follow your steps and trust in your system....If i dont try even if a little bit into saving it..i know i will regret it...But i also know that i cannot force some1 to be with you..if i try and it fails then i will know i did all that i can..on another note..i must say thank you for ALL your responses.. they have help give me some clarity and this site kinda acted as a sort of support group..by chance do you have a private email where we can email u for the purpose of privacy?
Hey,
I know how it is. On one hand, it's hard to let go of the three and a half year relationship and on the other hand, it's scary to invest more time and energy into trying to save it. Unfortunately, there's always a chance it will not work. Like I said there's no guarantee. If you can leave everything behind and move on, then you should do it. If it's meant to be, he will contact you and try to get back together. Otherwise, you are better off without him.
Hey,
I know how it is. On one hand, it's hard to let go of the three and a half year relationship and on the other hand, it's scary to invest more time and energy into trying to save it. Unfortunately, there's always a chance it will not work. Like I said there's no guarantee. If you can leave everything behind and move on, then you should do it. If it's meant to be, he will contact you and try to get back together. Otherwise, you are better off without him.
Hey,
I know how it is. On one hand, it's hard to let go of the three and a half year relationship and on the other hand, it's scary to invest more time and energy into trying to save it. Unfortunately, there's always a chance it will not work. Like I said there's no guarantee. If you can leave everything behind and move on, then you should do it. If it's meant to be, he will contact you and try to get back together. Otherwise, you are better off without him.
Thank you soo much for your response and your advice..I already invested a lot into the 3 and half year relationship and it backfired on me... and i just dont wanna invest into trying to get him back and he just doesnt care.. I mean if i am going to try i have to invest financially in the system and the NC period is a very hard phase to get thru.. and i dont wanna go thru all of that and have that backfire on me too..If you understand where I am coming from..Your advice has helped and made me see things a little differently
Thank you soo much for your response and your advice..I already invested a lot into the 3 and half year relationship and it backfired on me... and i just dont wanna invest into trying to get him back and he just doesnt care.. I mean if i am going to try i have to invest financially in the system and the NC period is a very hard phase to get thru.. and i dont wanna go thru all of that and have that backfire on me too..If you understand where I am coming from..Your advice has helped and made me see things a little differently
Hey D,
I replied to your comments earlier over here and here.
OK, him returning your stuff can mean a lot of things. Perhaps, he is just trying to cut all ties with you and trying to move on. Or maybe your stuff is reminding him of you and he doesn't want to be reminded of you.
To be completely honest, if you really think the relationship with him is worth saving, then it will be worth it to try the plan once. If it works, great. If it doesn't, then at least you'll know that it's over with him and you can move on.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of 3 months and I broke up a day ago because he felt as though we were becoming platonic and his feelings for me had begun to change. We haven't seen each other in a setting in which we can act like a couple in almost five weeks (due to illnesses and schoolwork), and I think that may have contributed to the problem. We've had most of our first sexual experiences with each other and we both believed we had something special that most people don't ever find. He said he still wants to be close friends because he loves to see me and spend time with me, but what I want to know is, is there any way we can make our relationship become what it used to be?
Hey kevin, I was dating this beautiful Mexican girl for a year and a half and I had gone to India 3-4 months into my relationship and came back 3 months later to hear all these rumors about my girlfriend sleeping with other guys and her best friend. I was completely heart broken and my mind just flipped out. So I ended up cheating in her. Then I realize that all those rumors about my girlfriend sleeping aeound were lies and I was in utter disbelief of what I had done. A year and a half into the relationship she found out I had cheated (and it was a one-time only thing) and was completely heartbroken because I was her first serious relationship and I took her virginity and I was her first love.she broke up with me yesterday saying that she still loves me but has lost all respect for me. I love her with all my heart and I'd do anything to show her that I truly want to be with her but she said she doesn't hate me and yet I feel like I can already feel her love for me fading away. If it is or not I'm not sure but I'm worried that if I go through with a no contact period she's gonna endup ffinding someone else and I'm gonna miss out on her. I was thinking of having my sister talk to her but I dont know how my ex would take that, they're really good friends too. What do you think I should do?
In my experience, people don't move on so quickly from a year and a half relationship. I still think you should do no contact. Let her know that you won't be contacting her and that you think she needs some space and time and so do you.
In my experience, people don't move on so quickly from a year and a half relationship. I still think you should do no contact. Let her know that you won't be contacting her and that you think she needs some space and time and so do you.
Hi there.
Ive been in an off an on relationship with a man for years. Recently it was a year in a half of dating, where I told him he needed to a least "put a ring on it" by xmas. He didnt. So as of 1/1/2014 I cut off all communication. I blacklist him from my phone.3/14/2014 he contacted me in a racey txt. I was n a
weaker moment and took the bate. We exchanged emotional feel ings and thoughts followed by sex. A later recovered moths of txts and phone calls from my blacklist app. He had been reaching out to me the whole time telling me he wad ready to commit, begging to see me. I was excited, I just knew wr were back. Only to hear him say" he was confused about us" he was dating someone who he called a place holder and had no chemisty with. But she didn't do anything wrong and wanted to give her a chance. But didnt think they would work, he needed to see.
You have no other choice but to let him play out his new relationship. It's most probably a rebound and it will end.
You have no other choice but to let him play out his new relationship. It's most probably a rebound and it will end.
Hi bro I really appreciate that's you are healing us thanks from the bottom of my heart.. Last year November my girlfriend broke up with me because of my bad behavior with her I apologise to her tried to convince her but she even don't want to talk to me so I simply give her space and since few months we are in no contact and I am following your steps to get her back I text her yesterday. But she didn't reply for that now how to ask her for coffee or else what should I do to get her back or is these any chance to get her back? Please help me bro
Everything you asked is answered in the article Sam. Thanks for your comment. I am glad the website is helping you.
Everything you asked is answered in the article Sam. Thanks for your comment. I am glad the website is helping you.
so i was dating this guy and the first time we broke up he lked somebody else that is why we broke up again .the girl he likes has a boyfriend so they can't date. i don't know what to do i still like him and i am not happy with out him if u could give me any advice that would be great thank you.
Follow the advise in the article Nicole.
Follow the advise in the article Nicole.
Hi, I'm Hannah! I was dating this guy Eddie for about a month and everything was like a fairy tale until about a week ago. (we're both 19)
I'm now in Hawaii as of Sunday for an 8 week internship and a couple days before I left, he seemed to have some flip switch where he just lost interest!):
We talked all day every day, and were best friends up until like 5 days ago. A couple days prior to leaving, he talked to me probably half the time he used to and "forgot" to respond. He never used to forget, ever. Then I just let it roll for a few days, until I finally asked why I got weird vibes and he said I rushed things too fast and it pushed him away. He followed that comment with saying that he hopes I have fun in Hawaii and that "I have no restrictions" (which bummed me out that he doesn't care) but after that, added, "I'm too awesome to just give up," so when I come home he "wants to start to hang out again and see how things go. Don't worry we'll figure it out! I still expect to hear about how Hawaii is going:)!"
But since then, he hasn't been texting me, or even letting me know he remembers I exist and it has almost been a week which is so different from our every day conversations. I'm SO confused. He said he wanted to keep in contact, then he ignores texts and such?
So my question is, should I take this as a time to spent time alone and cut it off for awhile? I'm extremely hurt and I can tell he really isn't, but I really want him back because he was my best friend.
Should I start the no contact? Or do we not have a chance anymore? Help ):
I can't make out if you've officially broken up or not. If you haven't, apply limited contact. Only answer him if he calls. There is a chance for you guys. But I think both of you are young and what you experienced as fairy tale was just the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Things might not be as easy from this point forward.
I can't make out if you've officially broken up or not. If you haven't, apply limited contact. Only answer him if he calls. There is a chance for you guys. But I think both of you are young and what you experienced as fairy tale was just the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Things might not be as easy from this point forward.
Hi Kevin, my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me on monday. I met him a year and a half ago, and he felt in love with me. We started talking everyday, and so we did until we broke up. I wasn't sure of the relationship at first, but I gave it a shot, and it worked, I actually realized he was better than I thought, and I started loving him. He was always more into it than me, for a while. Cause he was the one who tried to get me first. But problems started when I asked for more attention, even thought he gave me all the attention he could and he did the cutest things ever. I started creating drama and problems out of silly things, which I thought were important problems, so I broke up with him 2 weeks ago. He begged, so we got back together. That actually happened 3 times. And after I broke up with him 3 times and he begged to go back, I realized that that was all I wanted, not actually breaking up; but actually that was the reason why he broke up with me for the first and the second time. The first time he broke up with me he said that he thought about all the changes in my life, since I'm changing college and that i'm going to meat new people, and that he was afraid about that. Also telling me that breaking up could be the best. After talking and actually accepting the first break up he inmediately asked me to get back together. He said he couldn't do it, that he couldn't live without me. But I noticed he changed a little bit, he was not the lovely, worried to loose me, charming guy that he was when we first started. So I talked to him, and told him that he wasn't the same, that he was weird and that he wasn't the same person as he was before. The most important reason to break up with me then was ''why did you break up with me?'' and ''our time is over'' as well as ''it's not going to work anymore, we can be friends, but not boyfriend/girlfriend'' ''you'll get over it'' ; but in that moment I told him I couldn't be her friend, cause I can only see him as my boyfriend. I begged to not break up with me, crying, telling him he's the only person I have left, asking what can I do to fix it and more, but it didn't work, he broke up with me and left anyway. I was devastated. Cried all day. My friends took me to the beach cause my birthday was soon, but I was devastated, yup, even on the beach. The next day I texted him, telling him if we could actually be friends, cause I needed to talk to him and know about him. So, he told me that was what we wanted to do,.. then i begged again, but he was decided, and continued saying that we can not be together.. and then I said that if we needed to be friends to talk then i'd accept that. So we tried, for 2 days, but actually I didn't feel right. He was not friendly, meaning his replies were not interesting per say. We didn't talk for a day, on that day my 2 best friends called him to ask him about me and he showed no interest to get back together nor interest on me. Then, the next day, my birthday came, and he wrote me, just as a friend, to telling me happy birthday, showing not much interest. He also told me he'll give me my present one of these days. It hurt, but I was ok. That same day I saw he accepted a girl he once kissed and talked to, among other girls. I was depressed, again. Even when I was on the beach, and even when my friends and family tried everything to make me happy. After I came back (today) from the beach I found your website, and I really do hope for you to help me. I will follow every of your steps I saw on the how to get your ex back plan, and actually, reading this has helped me to stop depressing. Although im still sad, this is the only hope I've found. If he texts me to give me a present what should I do? Do you think we'll be back together? Do I still have a chance? Thank you for your help.
So, during my no contact period I randomly met my ex 3 times, the first time we didn't greet, because he didn't come to say hello.. then I met him at a concert, he did say hello, but nothing else. Then, we met in a food place. I was with 4 guy friends, that I met recently, therefore he doesn't know them. One of them was actually interested on me, and it was obvious on his actions. My ex, on the other hand, was eating by himself. We did say hello to each other and then I continued to eat with my friends and having a wonderful time. Actually we were eating after going to a party, and my ex would probably noticed that because of my clothes. (that happened on a saturday) Then, 2 days later, my ex contacted me; actually my no contact period would have ended a day after he contacted me, therefore i assumed answering him was fine. Also because I did everything i had to do during the no contact rule, and i was actually really happy of how my life was going. When he contacted me (which was last tuesday) he said '' hey, I'm texting to know how are you and i know we're not together anymore but as i told you i still don't want to loose you as a friend'' I replied ''hey, good and you?'' and he continued the conversation, he talked about several things of common interest, he even told me to go to one of his concerts, since he has a band. And even to listen to a song he recently heard because ''its my type and i would like it''. We talked for a while, he asked about my little sister, my school, and he told me that he's going on a trip this friday with his dad, that he's no longer a vegetarian (after 3 years) and so many more things. he told my his mom told him I ran into her that sunday and he tried to continue the conversation. But I didn't want him t think i was desperate to talk to him, thats why i really didn't ask him much, my replies were friendly but short and i finished the conversation first saying ''well, i have to go to bed i have a trip to the beach tomorrow, so i have to wake up early. I'm glad we can talk as friends, bye take care.'' He replied ''i have to wake up early too, i have school tomorrow, it makes me happy that we can talk and still be friends, have a nice day tomorrow, you too take care.'' but i've seen how he has added a lot of girls on instagram, and even girls he has liked before. So, I don't know how to do now.. what do you think about my situation? do you think i should tell him if we can talk so i can tell him ''I'm glad we can be friends, sorry for all the mistakes i did, thank you for everything'' and stuff like that (such as the letter)? or should i text him saying something friendly like ''now that you eat meat you should try that place i always told you i love''? or what should i do. please help, and thank you again.
Don't send the "letter" text. Continue with texting casually and let him chase you. I'll recommend you wait a week. If he doesn't contact you in a week, then you should text him.
Don't send the "letter" text. Continue with texting casually and let him chase you. I'll recommend you wait a week. If he doesn't contact you in a week, then you should text him.
Don't send the "letter" text. Continue with texting casually and let him chase you. I'll recommend you wait a week. If he doesn't contact you in a week, then you should text him.
Hey Melissa,
I am happy you found the website helpful. If he contacts you for the present, you can answer him. It's not a problem. But you should try to keep the conversation short and to the point. You do have a chance if you follow the plan.
So, during my no contact period I randomly met my ex 3 times, the first time we didn't greet, because he didn't come to say hello.. then I met him at a concert, he did say hello, but nothing else. Then, we met in a food place. I was with 4 guy friends, that I met recently, therefore he doesn't know them. One of them was actually interested on me, and it was obvious on his actions. My ex, on the other hand, was eating by himself. We did say hello to each other and then I continued to eat with my friends and having a wonderful time. Actually we were eating after going to a party, and my ex would probably noticed that because of my clothes. (that happened on a saturday) Then, 2 days later, my ex contacted me; actually my no contact period would have ended a day after he contacted me, therefore i assumed answering him was fine. Also because I did everything i had to do during the no contact rule, and i was actually really happy of how my life was going. When he contacted me (which was last tuesday) he said '' hey, I'm texting to know how are you and i know we're not together anymore but as i told you i still don't want to loose you as a friend'' I replied ''hey, good and you?'' and he continued the conversation, he talked about several things of common interest, he even told me to go to one of his concerts, since he has a band. And even to listen to a song he recently heard because ''its my type and i would like it''. We talked for a while, he asked about my little sister, my school, and he told me that he's going on a trip this friday with his dad, that he's no longer a vegetarian (after 3 years) and so many more things. he told my his mom told him I ran into her that sunday and he tried to continue the conversation. But I didn't want him t think i was desperate to talk to him, thats why i really didn't ask him much, my replies were friendly but short and i finished the conversation first saying ''well, i have to go to bed i have a trip to the beach tomorrow, so i have to wake up early. I'm glad we can talk as friends, bye take care.'' He replied ''i have to wake up early too, i have school tomorrow, it makes me happy that we can talk and still be friends, have a nice day tomorrow, you too take care.'' but i've seen how he has added a lot of girls on instagram, and even girls he has liked before. So, I don't know how to do now.. what do you think about my situation? do you think i should tell him if we can talk so i can tell him ''I'm glad we can be friends, sorry for all the mistakes i did, thank you for everything'' and stuff like that (such as the letter)? or should i text him saying something friendly like ''now that you eat meat you should try that place i always told you i love''? or what should i do. please help, and thank you again.
Hey Melissa,
I am happy you found the website helpful. If he contacts you for the present, you can answer him. It's not a problem. But you should try to keep the conversation short and to the point. You do have a chance if you follow the plan.
Dear Kevin my wife and I were together 25 yes this April 2014. We married in 1991 in August 2011 I woke up and she and my 18 yr daughter and 5 yr old son were gone. From 2002 to 2010 we were in a lawsuit with my first wife it was horrible. We lost $300,000 our entire savings paying the ex them I lost my $150,000 year job then our home.Then she left found out 2 years later she was having a 5 month affair during our last months together. She now lives in Northern CA with my son,my daughter lives in Middle CA I am in Scottsdale where we lived 20 years.She has lived with a Guy now for a few months but dating over 1 year. We were having marriage problems and were not very sexually active it was me nit her.She had no Dad growing up and has had trouble with men raping her prior to our meeting .I was the first Guy to actually Love her and still do. She left me in 1991 for a year had affair i found out she stayed angry at me dated / sex told me after we reunited she hated me and didn't want to come back that's why she dated many men, A year later married now,she did exact same thing. 5 months then came back had our daughter moved to AZ all's well until 2003 lawsuit and job made me a nasty selfish jack ass no sex or attention from me for years had sin in 2007 she called our the immaculate inception it killed me but at point she pushed me away romantically.
Left and is Very angry at mea about things I did etc.No divorce no I love you or don't love you nothing. No nothing?
I Love her and my children and to this day am sick in love and would like her to try again to make a new marriage any thoughts?
James Arizona
Hey James,
I am sorry you are in this situation. I guess you can try following the 5 step plan to get her back. I'll suggest you keep a no contact period of 4 months and try to learn to be happy without her.
Hey James,
I am sorry you are in this situation. I guess you can try following the 5 step plan to get her back. I'll suggest you keep a no contact period of 4 months and try to learn to be happy without her.
Hi kevin,
I did nc and he called and emailed me on the 21 day, he said he got worried, I responded as saying I am ok after two days through email, we started emailing again but the issue on us was not resolved, now he posted his new girl on his facebook, I dont know if its rebound or what, can I go no contact again? Is there really a chance for us to be back again? Or I just move on and forget about him? Thanks, really confused.
If you are getting obsessive thoughts about him, you should go no contact again. It'll also give him some more time to miss you and maybe his rebound relationship will end till then.
If you are getting obsessive thoughts about him, you should go no contact again. It'll also give him some more time to miss you and maybe his rebound relationship will end till then.
Kev,
My ex ended it 6 months ago. I took her off Facebook 2 days later and went into No Contact.
Fast forward to nowadays and she's incredibly angry at me, shouts absurdities in front of her friends, yet she'll still look at me very often and look away when we make eye contact. I just found out recently that she blocked me on Facebook. I'm a bit confused to say the least.
I unfriended her, so I wasn't on her friends list any more, yet she still decides to block me?! I don't get it.
I want her back.
Thanks,
V
I think that's like a revenge thing some people have on facebook (especially some girls). She thought you were trying to spite her by unfriending her. So she did the same to you. She blocked you to spite you. You know, just to make herself feel like that she is the one rejecting you and not the other way around. I don't know if it were you with the other comment which was similar to this one. But either ways, I'll be careful. She is showing signs of abusive behavior and a relationship with her can be very stressful and/or toxic.
I think that's like a revenge thing some people have on facebook (especially some girls). She thought you were trying to spite her by unfriending her. So she did the same to you. She blocked you to spite you. You know, just to make herself feel like that she is the one rejecting you and not the other way around. I don't know if it were you with the other comment which was similar to this one. But either ways, I'll be careful. She is showing signs of abusive behavior and a relationship with her can be very stressful and/or toxic.
I broke up with my boyfriend after 5 months. I'm 23 he's 26 He started to work more and more and didn't have time to see me. Barely text/call also. He apologized and said he didn't want us to break up, but it was for the best because of his busy schedule. I texted and called like crazy for the first couple of months and he would ignore me. Although he brought me cold medicine at my work 2months after our break up and kissed me unexpectedly. So I think he still has feelings for me but still has his guard up. 7 months later..I text him the other day and he told me that he wants to come by soon and see my new apt. I didn't even mention it. The thing is I want to regain some power. He knows I'm losing weight for a business trip soon. Which I'm sure will excite him. So my question is.. Is it to late to start the 30 days of no contact? Also when he does come over what do I do if I receive another unexpected kiss?
No contact is a pretty good way to regain the power. I'll say back off. Tell him, it confuses you and you don't want to get physical with him unless you are in a relationship and/or dating.
No contact is a pretty good way to regain the power. I'll say back off. Tell him, it confuses you and you don't want to get physical with him unless you are in a relationship and/or dating.
Hey Kevin,
So my boyfriend (ex now). Just broke up with me because I lied over some stupid things about my car and money. Now he was in a bad marriage where he's wife lied and cheated on him. And I know trust was a big thing for him. And he said, he can't get over that I lied. I feel stupid but the lies I told was either because I was ashamed or embarrassed. I was good to him, I never cheated or anything like that to him. What do I do? If there is anything I can do. I feel stupid because after reading your blog, I've been txting and calling now I can see him probably laughing on the otherside. Thank you hope to hear from you soon Kevin
Hi,
It seems there is an issue with your mailing list form. I can't subscribe.
Try again Tilt. It seems to me that it's working fine.
Try again Tilt. It seems to me that it's working fine.
Hey. We were together for 15 months and the final break up was our third time. Now, she’s 23 and I’m 33. Problem one. She wants to travel and get more experience in her career, I get that she needs too. During the relationship I got jealous of an ex she was still friends with basically because she told me when they broke up, she cried for two years over him. Now in truth I’m not 100% happy with myself and carried a lot of insecurities into the relationship. Which kills me. We’ve been broken up 7 weeks now and since then I didn’t contact her for the first two weeks until I saw her out in a nightclub. She pretty much ignored me and I broke down into her friends shoulder. Now since then once every week or two weeks I do things to get her attention, tagging old pics on Facebook, text her after I see her etc. saw her tonight and we did talk but she didn’t ask anything about me. Before she left to go home,I grabbed her tight into me and she rested her head on my chest and I kissed her forehead. We both a little merry and almost kissed. While holding her I stayed I missed her and said we still can be one day but she said we just weren’t meant to be. I saw her again while getting some chips and she kissed me on the check before going home. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Now I know the issues in the relationship were me not allowing her her freedom on occasion and I'm setting up my own business and don't have a lot of spare cash for dinners and treats bum it always managed birthdays, Christmas etc. She comes from a wealthy family and her parents would take us out for dinner a lot and I'm not in the position to pay for expensive dinners. She said she thought I was after her for her money. Which really really was the case. Yes I want her to be happy more than anything else and I want to be happy too. Please someone help me!
Hi Kevin
A few days before Christmas and just before 2 year anniversary, I told her I was a bit unhappy about some things to get a conversation going (she smokes a certain substance I dont like and her friends are absolute nightmares). We talked and then I went to stay at my parents.
Short story was she rarely spoke to me in our relationship. We could go to a party where she would talk all night and then get in a car, nada. One word answers to open ended questions and all that. After a while I thought she wasnt talking to me because she was hiding stuff from me (smoking certain substances and other stuff).
Anyways, we got together again 4 weeks later for one night.
My furniture is basically 80% of what she has but she owns the place. I asked her if it was really over to let me come back and get it out and then I dont want to see her any more. She didnt take the offer - for whatever reason?
I have been acting needy once or twice a week unfortunately, but 3 weeks ago now I told her I accepted her decision because I didnt want to cause any more pain for her. I then said we need some time apart so we can heal. She said - "OK, Im sorry".
About 4 weeks ago ignored her calls / texts / emails for a few days until she said "please just text me and tell me youre ok. Im worried that something has happened to you." I regret but I did reply because I didnt want to be mean to her. *such a silly thing to do, I know......
I have not contacted her for 3 weeks now although I think about her all day every day. Finding it hard, but doing my best to get through NC period! Thinking I might push it a little longer to get myself back on track.
Now I realise that she is just a quiet person and not hiding anything from me and I dont care about her mates - Im only dating her, right.
FYI - She has not contacted me at all during this time.
Advice for best way forward now?
I have drafted a letter for after NC period... would you send this one?
==========
Hi XXXXX
Thanks for having the courage to pull the pin when you did. I struggled to accept it for a while but wanted you to be happy. I probably would have kept trying to remind you how good we had it and convince you forever :)
It sucks but you did the right thing and I accept that. Our relationship was great at the beginning but somehow lost track near the end.
So, Im sorry for the way I have acted over the past few months. I did everything the wrong way because I was stuck between a place of grieving and hope.
It has caused me challenge myself and to find my old self again. So many changes have been happening. I lost me somewhere a while ago but have re-learned that my happiness comes from within.
Its been a long time since I felt like this, so in a weird way it has been worth it. Im really happy within myself now. So I guess I should thank you.
Some big stuff has been happening at home and I have some cool things coming up in the next month or so. Happy to share it some time, but maybe not right now. I think we still need a little time and space.
Anyways, wanted to keep this brief.
Tomass
The letter sounds good. Go ahead with it. How can you be sure that she was not using any substance or wasn't hiding anything from you? Is it possible that just because you miss her, you convinced yourself that you were wrong, or do you have any hard evidence that you were? Think things through before getting back together. It seems to me that you were very clear about what you wanted in the relationship and she didn't want to put in any effort. But you know your relationship better than anyone. All I am saying, don't let the fact that you miss her, affect your judgement.
Thanks Kevin
I will take your advice and some time to think about it.
I guess my problem is I saw just beneath the surface someone who wanted to trust me and walk with me, however some fear was holding her back. Fear of losing her friends? Fear of having to be honest with herself and her family?
I know that everything I ever wanted in a woman was there, just below the surface. I just wanted her to make the choice to bring it up..
I genuinely believe that if she just chose to grow up a little bit, her life would improve tenfold, but some fear is holding her back.
I understand it is her choice, and I need to let her make it, on her own. I guess I am convincing myself to stick around for that day, maybe to my own detriment...
Thanks again
Tomass
Thanks Kevin
I will take your advice and some time to think about it.
I guess my problem is I saw just beneath the surface someone who wanted to trust me and walk with me, however some fear was holding her back. Fear of losing her friends? Fear of having to be honest with herself and her family?
I know that everything I ever wanted in a woman was there, just below the surface. I just wanted her to make the choice to bring it up..
I genuinely believe that if she just chose to grow up a little bit, her life would improve tenfold, but some fear is holding her back.
I understand it is her choice, and I need to let her make it, on her own. I guess I am convincing myself to stick around for that day, maybe to my own detriment...
Thanks again
Tomass
Thanks Kevin
I will take your advice and some time to think about it.
I guess my problem is I saw just beneath the surface someone who wanted to trust me and walk with me, however some fear was holding her back. Fear of losing her friends? Fear of having to be honest with herself and her family?
I know that everything I ever wanted in a woman was there, just below the surface. I just wanted her to make the choice to bring it up..
I genuinely believe that if she just chose to grow up a little bit, her life would improve tenfold, but some fear is holding her back.
I understand it is her choice, and I need to let her make it, on her own. I guess I am convincing myself to stick around for that day, maybe to my own detriment...
Thanks again
Tomass
The letter sounds good. Go ahead with it. How can you be sure that she was not using any substance or wasn't hiding anything from you? Is it possible that just because you miss her, you convinced yourself that you were wrong, or do you have any hard evidence that you were? Think things through before getting back together. It seems to me that you were very clear about what you wanted in the relationship and she didn't want to put in any effort. But you know your relationship better than anyone. All I am saying, don't let the fact that you miss her, affect your judgement.
Hi my age is 21 and my ex's age is 23 and we have been in a relationship for 2 years. At the start he was very much addicated to me, missed me like hell and always wanted to be around me. He started being very possessive about me and i used to not like it. Later he started feeling insecure and started creating negative images about me. He thinks that i am not loyal, faithfull and trustworthy just because i lied to him sometime because i was very scared to loosing him. He thinks that i always lie to him. I tried everything to convince him. He thinks that i am very easy going girl and get manipulated very easily. He takes my frank and friendly nature as easy going. He thinks that whatever he thinks is the only right thing and others are wrong. He never agrees his mistake neither does he try to understand any reason or why things are like that. He judges me and calls me a lier. Everybody does mistakes in life nobody is perfect. Now i have tired everything but he doesn't want to get back in the relationship with me again. I love him lot and i just can't stay without him. It is becoming very difficult for me to pretend as if i dont care. I do text him normally and i have to wair for hours to get his reply. How much ever i try being good he still has problem with my behaviour. He never speaks up and share anything with me but expects me to do everything and he always keep thinking about my mistakes and taunts and hurt me. If something jappens he just keeps on thinking about it and it is always stuck in his mind. I am not understandimng what to do now. As we common friends they tell me that dont get serious with him untill he gets serious with you. He has changed his behaviour all of a sudden from sweet loving, care guy to a very rude and heartless person. Please help me out with this to get him back in my life and make him fall in love with me madly and makes him need me badly
Shweta,
Half of your message is about how much insensitive, rude, self-righteous, arrogant (and maybe even borderline abusive) he is. And yet, you say you still love him.
Alright, if you do really love him, I'll recommend you stay no contact with him for 2 months. If after that, you still think he is worth it, then follow the rest of the plan and contact him.
Shweta,
Half of your message is about how much insensitive, rude, self-righteous, arrogant (and maybe even borderline abusive) he is. And yet, you say you still love him.
Alright, if you do really love him, I'll recommend you stay no contact with him for 2 months. If after that, you still think he is worth it, then follow the rest of the plan and contact him.
Hey Kevin,
I've been in a relationship with my ex for almost 3 months, he always had issues in giving time to his girl, i avoided being clingy but after a month i complained just once as he used to disappear for 2 or 3 days and then he used to text me as i never used to text him myself during his disappearance . It's been 4-5 days since we broke up, he failed in his exam that day and the reason he gave me for break up was that he needed a break fom everyone and that he was having fights at home and studies weren't going well either, he said that he won't be able to give me any time in future at all because of what's happening in his life and that he didn't wanted to hurt me. i just wished him luck and told him that everything's going to be okay. That's the last time we talked and now i miss him and wish if he could come back again.
You can. Follow the advice in the article.
You can. Follow the advice in the article.
So... How does this work when there HAS been contact between you and your ex (sporadic & mainly by text message) & all of a sudden, in reply to one of your texts, you're told that the new gf is uncomfortable with the friendship, due to something she learnt about your ex's past, but would be ok if the two of you were acquainted, which would need to happen before or the next time you caught up, in order for you and your ex to remain in contact... Advice please.
It's hard. He wouldn't do something like that unless he was serious about his new girlfriend. If you want, you can become acquainted with her, but I think it'll be better for you to just contact with him and move on.
It's hard. He wouldn't do something like that unless he was serious about his new girlfriend. If you want, you can become acquainted with her, but I think it'll be better for you to just contact with him and move on.
Hey Kevin,
So me and my gf have been dating for almost three years. We have had our ups and downs like any couple but we have been planning on getting married and having kids and what not. We are both in nursing school and she gets really stressed out and as a result has a short fuse with me sometimes. It was getting really bad and I thought that I didn't want that the rest of my life. I went to Florida on vacation and while there she got mad at me because I wasn't talking to her that much (this was the day after i got there) even though I told her that I wouldn't because I was with my older brother. So I got fed up and said that I was done. She cried and I cried but stood my ground.
She emailed me the next day with a long letter promising to change and telling me that she knew I am the man she is going to marry and she will do anything to keep me. I told her I would give her a chance but that we should still not talk for the week just to calm down. I got offered a job in Florida and was contemplating taking it. She got mad at me like two days after the letter and told didn't talk to me for a whole day because she didn't like the way I answered a question. I told her the next day that i didn't think she would really change and that I was taking the Florida job and moving. She of course balled her eyes out and asked me if she could pick me up from the airport and talk face to face. I said yes and we did have a serious conversation about everything. I told her that I would stay for her.
The next morning she got mad at me for saying something about sharing an apartment with one of my friends (I live alone now) and i just ignored it. When she got home she called me and said she was sorry about getting mad but I was sick of it. I told her that I was gonna go ahead and move. She cried and begged me to stay saying she loved me so much and I was the only man she could love. She asked me if I even wanted her and I was thinking yes of course I do because I love her but I was irritated so I said no. She hung up and we didn't talk. changing our status on FB and telling friends and family and stuff.
Immediately I knew that I made a huge mistake. I was making an emotional irrational decision to move away from her. This is the girl I want to spend my life with and I had just got fed up and lost patience. I never really gave her the chance she asked for. The day after we broke up I begged her to take me back. I told her that I wasn't thinking right and that I love her and need and want her so badly. She wouldn't text me or call me back and wouldn't see me. She later told me she couldn't take me back because she couldn't trust me to not just break it off again because I had told her I would give her a chance. She said that it wouldn't work and I need to move on. I am devastated. This is day six since the break up and I still need her and want her. I know she is the one and I messed up. She won't talk to me and blocked me on FB. What should I do? Can I get her back?
Hi. I've been on many different sites , talk to friends and family but your sites and the advice you give to people are the only ones I have found true and helpful. Reading some of your replies have even made me stronger.
Iv been with my ex for 2 years we moved in together acouple of months ago. She has always been supportive and there for me even though I at times acted like an asahole. She came in to my life a week before I ended it with my girlfriend for 10 years. I was dealing with the fact that I wanted to be single and live my life. She put up with a lot of shit.
She finally got enough , called it quits and I moved out we talked and med up but it always ended in her saying that she loves me but she can't be with me she doesn't see any future with me. That when I stop by she feels happy and it's like we never broke up but as soon as I leave she starts to think about all the shit I've put her trough.
I tried no contact for a couple of days and she texted me and when I didn't reply she called. We talked casually. The next day she didn't call or anything the day after that I panicked started crying cuddent breathe so I went over to her she was very happy. We have been seeing eachother every day. I have been showing her that I'm willing to change not for her but for me so I never make the same mistakes again . Ahe has really felt it and I feel the change in me in my heart to . It's not at all to get her back.
But she is much colder and I get mixed feelings from her. I went out with my sister and her friends and then told her about it. She later texted me about it saying that she dozens want to hear who I go out with etc anymore. She says stuff like if we ever get back together it doesn't matter what her family thinks etc . That makes me think I have a shot but then she does says or acts like there is absolutely no possibility. I think she used to like the fact I was in charge and kind of hard to get. But then got tired of it and wanted me to be all about her . And I am but how do i do it with out being needy. We broke about five weeks ago and have been hanging out every day almost for the past to weeks but I'm not seeing any sign that she definitely wants to get back together . She also told me that when I broke up with her one time she didn't everything to get me back. She was in my face all the time to proves she loved me . But that was for a week this is 5 weeks and iv been trying everything. Should I do no contact?
I regret not putting her first and I think maybe that's was the problem and that's what I should do now, but how will I do that with out looking needy and desperate .becouse I'm not I just want to show her I love her and she comes before anything be the man I should have been that she believed I could be at one point.
Tell her that all of this is too much for you to handle emotionally and you need some space and time. then start no contact.
Tell her that all of this is too much for you to handle emotionally and you need some space and time. then start no contact.
After one month and a half after de breakup she told me that the reason was that i cheated her when i was travelling abroad.
I couldn't be more regret right now, i still talk to her and after giving her a letter saying sorry and moments together she said she has forgotten me and to be friends (because i think with this time since the breakup and with the lost of trust on me she has lost almost all her feelings)
Any solution to try without being needy?
Start the plan again. Don't tell her this time you want to get back together. Approach her as a friend.
Similar situation sky:( only diff is we got back together (because i insisted) but she is treating more than a doormat. Took my rights of feeling something that is normal in a relationship (jealousy,etc). She is taking me forgranted :(
Start the plan again. Don't tell her this time you want to get back together. Approach her as a friend.
Similar situation sky:( only diff is we got back together (because i insisted) but she is treating more than a doormat. Took my rights of feeling something that is normal in a relationship (jealousy,etc). She is taking me forgranted :(
Hello Kevin,
It's coming close to a month from when me and my ex broke up. I was still contacting him trying to get him to call me and talk to me for almost 2 weeks after the breakup. He was saying things as though he moved on but I believe this is only a front because we were together for a year and he loved me deeply, always told me how emotionally attached he was to me. He broke up with me because he felt I showed that I needed him to much. He said "You would have been more perfect for me if you didn't need me so much". He also told my friend that he fell in love with me at first because I wanted him but never needed him. We had a conversation about being friends and wanted to eventually talk about the good times we had together. I was not needy during this phone call and told him that's what I wanted also was to keep our friendship. After that call I initiated No Contact and in less than a week he started liking my old pictures (1 1/2 week old pictures) on my instagram after I posted a lot of pictures of me going out with my friends and he also posted 80 pictures of a moment we shared together on facebook (we werent friends on facebook at the time so he wouldn't know I could see the pictures.) I still didn't contact him after this but contacted him 9 days into No contact because on of his friends tried to start talking to me. I contacted him telling him about his friend messaging me on facebook and all he said was "oh ok". I didn't respond and the next day he texted me again asking what exactly did the somewhat-friend (they don't hang out very much) because he was going to confront him. I told him the friend didnt get very far because I told him I didn't want to talk to him because he was my exes friend. He texted back saying that he really appreciate I did that. I keep it short and just said no problem. I now have initiated no contact again and he friend requested me on facebook and again liked my profile picture. And the other day his brother wrote on my wall just asking me how it was going. And I made sure I was happy and upbeat. This is all so confusing. What to do?
You are already doing what you should do. When he realizes you are not needy, he will want you back. All the best.
You think that he will contact me when he realizes this? I believe the signs I am getting so far are positive and shows that he starting to realize somewhat. Its only been 4 days since we last had that brief conversation about the friend.
There is a good chance he will contact you. Even if he doesn't, you should contact him after no contact is over.
Well lastnight he added me on this app called snapchat. This app is an app where you picture message people you request with a small worded message. I deleted him from this app right after we broke up we used it almost everyday when we were together. I added him back on and then saw that some girl is one of the people he messages the most (it shows the top 3 people you message the most) and of course this made me upset but I didn't act on it. Is he trying to be friendly, get my attention, or trying to find out who I am talking to and what I am doing, or is this his way of getting closer to me?? Also on this app you can post what you are doing throughout the day and random people look at it. Also another one of friends like a picture I posted a while ago right after he requested me. I feel like everyday there is something.
I don't think you should've accepted his request. You are just fueling your obsession by looking at his snapchat.
I don't think you should've accepted his request. You are just fueling your obsession by looking at his snapchat.
I don't think you should've accepted his request. You are just fueling your obsession by looking at his snapchat.
I don't think you should've accepted his request. You are just fueling your obsession by looking at his snapchat.
I don't think you should've accepted his request. You are just fueling your obsession by looking at his snapchat.
I don't think you should've accepted his request. You are just fueling your obsession by looking at his snapchat.
Well lastnight he added me on this app called snapchat. This app is an app where you picture message people you request with a small worded message. I deleted him from this app right after we broke up we used it almost everyday when we were together. I added him back on and then saw that some girl is one of the people he messages the most (it shows the top 3 people you message the most) and of course this made me upset but I didn't act on it. Is he trying to be friendly, get my attention, or trying to find out who I am talking to and what I am doing, or is this his way of getting closer to me?? Also on this app you can post what you are doing throughout the day and random people look at it. Also another one of friends like a picture I posted a while ago right after he requested me. I feel like everyday there is something.
Well lastnight he added me on this app called snapchat. This app is an app where you picture message people you request with a small worded message. I deleted him from this app right after we broke up we used it almost everyday when we were together. I added him back on and then saw that some girl is one of the people he messages the most (it shows the top 3 people you message the most) and of course this made me upset but I didn't act on it. Is he trying to be friendly, get my attention, or trying to find out who I am talking to and what I am doing, or is this his way of getting closer to me?? Also on this app you can post what you are doing throughout the day and random people look at it. Also another one of friends like a picture I posted a while ago right after he requested me. I feel like everyday there is something.
Well lastnight he added me on this app called snapchat. This app is an app where you picture message people you request with a small worded message. I deleted him from this app right after we broke up we used it almost everyday when we were together. I added him back on and then saw that some girl is one of the people he messages the most (it shows the top 3 people you message the most) and of course this made me upset but I didn't act on it. Is he trying to be friendly, get my attention, or trying to find out who I am talking to and what I am doing, or is this his way of getting closer to me?? Also on this app you can post what you are doing throughout the day and random people look at it. Also another one of friends like a picture I posted a while ago right after he requested me. I feel like everyday there is something.
Well lastnight he added me on this app called snapchat. This app is an app where you picture message people you request with a small worded message. I deleted him from this app right after we broke up we used it almost everyday when we were together. I added him back on and then saw that some girl is one of the people he messages the most (it shows the top 3 people you message the most) and of course this made me upset but I didn't act on it. Is he trying to be friendly, get my attention, or trying to find out who I am talking to and what I am doing, or is this his way of getting closer to me?? Also on this app you can post what you are doing throughout the day and random people look at it. Also another one of friends like a picture I posted a while ago right after he requested me. I feel like everyday there is something.
There is a good chance he will contact you. Even if he doesn't, you should contact him after no contact is over.
There is a good chance he will contact you. Even if he doesn't, you should contact him after no contact is over.
There is a good chance he will contact you. Even if he doesn't, you should contact him after no contact is over.
You think that he will contact me when he realizes this? I believe the signs I am getting so far are positive and shows that he starting to realize somewhat. Its only been 4 days since we last had that brief conversation about the friend.
You think that he will contact me when he realizes this? I believe the signs I am getting so far are positive and shows that he starting to realize somewhat. Its only been 4 days since we last had that brief conversation about the friend.
You are already doing what you should do. When he realizes you are not needy, he will want you back. All the best.
hi Kevin okay so me and my boyfriend got into it about for 4 days ago to make a long story short his mom and grandma were grumpy old grouchs and disrespected me a lot pretty much favoured and their grandchildren over my children and at times my boyfriend did too but he never mistreated my children I wouldn't be with a man who did!! but he wouldn't want to discipline his children meaning stand in them in the corner or taking things away or grounding them or something only if necessary of course but he didn't have a problem was disciplining my children he thought his
children did no wrong well we had recently got custody over his daughter and son your mom was in a very good mom she took off and ran off and left and I understand the children probably took it hard and I was there for them I love them like my own but he seemed to think that since I wanted him to make them mind and his daughter was always tearing up stuff and lying about it he wouldn't disappoint her and his mother always talking behind my back to try to act like my friend to my face well I had finally had enough and told her about herself causing her to say she wasn't going to come around anymore but I had had enough for the two faced anyways so me and him got into an argument the other day again over his daughter I just told him I was done I just wanted him to move out we had a pretty big fight I told him I wanted him to get his things and get the heck out so the next day he did and moved two hours away from me now I feel devastated I was wanted him to make his children mind I felt like me and him had the perfect relationship he would always tell me you love me like he never loved anybody and I have never felt this way about anybody before I don't think that he would have laughed if I would have made him leave but now that he's gone two hours away with his family and all turned against me I feel like I will never have him back again and I am heartbroken I admit I have checked Facebook a couple times
on his aunts page and she keeps posting things about him how he's having a good time laughing enjoying it and getting settled into his new home and going to bonfires cousins and friends and just laugh and having a good ol time I don't know if you do not purposely because she knows I'm reading it or if you really is I have not tried to contact him he's been gone like 3 or 4 days is there any chance he may come back or should I just move on thank you
Yes, there is a chance. In fact, there is a good chance he is missing you right now as much as you are missing him. Follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, there is a chance. In fact, there is a good chance he is missing you right now as much as you are missing him. Follow the 5 step plan.
I was with my boyfriend for almost 9 years. I broke up with him I’m January this year and a week later he’d moved on to the type of woman he used to moan about and the complete opposite of me and I keep seeing them around my neck of the woods. He decided to declare it all on Facebook on what would have been our 9th anniversary! He kept all my friends and family as his facebook friends and only deleted me once he was sure I saw his new relationship status. Two months later he’s still with her and sent me several texts simply saying I have moved on. He’s sent these quite a few times actually. He also text me to ask how I was and wish my mum a happy birthday! He still has stuff at mine, after nearly 9 years, there is a lot! I made a mistake and wanted him back and wanted to fight for our 9 years but his constant random messaging of I have moved on makes me think why bother. I assume it’s a rebound as everyone has said to me it is and his own cousins where shocked it happened and so soon and having read your page. We were tight as a couple, never fought once, same interests Etc, the usual but we got strained through his work and I thought a break would be good. I didn’t want to break up really, i was just confused and for the first time, we didn’t communicate well and just walked away from all our years and history. Apart from what’s recently happened, we both agreed we were happy and he even text to say I’m pleased to have spent them years with you, we had good times. Is he rebounding? I’m so confused and don’t know what to do to be honest
Yes, he is rebounding. Let his new relationship play out. Contact him after that using one of the methods in this article.
Thank you, I will do just that. He's sent a few horrible texts since and blamed me a few times and trying to reinforce he's moved on but I've been ignoring him, no contact!
Hi again, I've completed 30 days no contact, actually longer. I'm more confident, thinner and healthy with a new home makeover. The thing is, you said let his new relationship play out and then contact him but he still has half his life around mine. I've bagged it all up but I'm not a storage facility nor a taxi service. There is so much stuff here. Do I contact him and give him a time frame to collect or continue no contact? He's still with his rebound nearly five months later so if the man I love is still going strong with her, I don't want his belongings left here forever. There is so much stuff. He said in march 'I'll collect my stuff soon when work calms down'. I said ok but he hasn't yet. What am I to do?
Hi,
I’m not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he’s trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she’s screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn’t answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He’s 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I’d binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I’d bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he’s got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Thanks Sam
Hi,
I'm not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he's trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she's screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn't answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He's 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I'd binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I'd bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he's got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Hi. I contacted him
to ask for my stuff and to tell him he had a week to contact me about his otherwise I'd take it to mean bin it all. Day 8 nothing so called and left voicemail saying I'm binning your bits but still want mine. Apparently he'd taken to Facebook saying you can't always get what you want, it's a wonderful stroke of luck the day I contacted him. I decided to let him be a child bitter and petty and move on and be happy, then realised he has my passport and I go away in a few weeks!! Yestersay he declare on Facebook he's now engaged four months after me to the girl he hooked up with a week after me. He's been beyond childish and cruel throughout all this when I wanted to be civil and get my stuff back and his. I've now binned his and as he's so desperate to cling to mine, he can keep them. He's pathetic and rebound or not, they are welcome to each other. Thank you for all your advice. I completely deserve better!
You do deserve better Sam. Good luck.
You do deserve better Sam. Good luck.
You do deserve better Sam. Good luck.
You do deserve better Sam. Good luck.
You do deserve better Sam. Good luck.
You do deserve better Sam. Good luck.
Contact him and give it back to him. Then apply no contact for another 2-3 weeks and then text him.
Hi,
I’m not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he’s trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she’s screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn’t answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He’s 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I’d binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I’d bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he’s got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Thanks Sam
Hi,
I'm not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he's trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she's screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn't answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He's 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I'd binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I'd bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he's got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Hi. I contacted him
to ask for my stuff and to tell him he had a week to contact me about his otherwise I'd take it to mean bin it all. Day 8 nothing so called and left voicemail saying I'm binning your bits but still want mine. Apparently he'd taken to Facebook saying you can't always get what you want, it's a wonderful stroke of luck the day I contacted him. I decided to let him be a child bitter and petty and move on and be happy, then realised he has my passport and I go away in a few weeks!! Yestersay he declare on Facebook he's now engaged four months after me to the girl he hooked up with a week after me. He's been beyond childish and cruel throughout all this when I wanted to be civil and get my stuff back and his. I've now binned his and as he's so desperate to cling to mine, he can keep them. He's pathetic and rebound or not, they are welcome to each other. Thank you for all your advice. I completely deserve better!
Contact him and give it back to him. Then apply no contact for another 2-3 weeks and then text him.
Hi,
I’m not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he’s trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she’s screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn’t answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He’s 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I’d binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I’d bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he’s got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Thanks Sam
Hi,
I'm not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he's trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she's screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn't answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He's 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I'd binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I'd bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he's got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Hi. I contacted him
to ask for my stuff and to tell him he had a week to contact me about his otherwise I'd take it to mean bin it all. Day 8 nothing so called and left voicemail saying I'm binning your bits but still want mine. Apparently he'd taken to Facebook saying you can't always get what you want, it's a wonderful stroke of luck the day I contacted him. I decided to let him be a child bitter and petty and move on and be happy, then realised he has my passport and I go away in a few weeks!! Yestersay he declare on Facebook he's now engaged four months after me to the girl he hooked up with a week after me. He's been beyond childish and cruel throughout all this when I wanted to be civil and get my stuff back and his. I've now binned his and as he's so desperate to cling to mine, he can keep them. He's pathetic and rebound or not, they are welcome to each other. Thank you for all your advice. I completely deserve better!
Contact him and give it back to him. Then apply no contact for another 2-3 weeks and then text him.
Hi,
I’m not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he’s trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she’s screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn’t answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He’s 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I’d binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I’d bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he’s got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Thanks Sam
Hi,
I'm not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he's trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she's screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn't answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He's 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I'd binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I'd bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he's got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Hi. I contacted him
to ask for my stuff and to tell him he had a week to contact me about his otherwise I'd take it to mean bin it all. Day 8 nothing so called and left voicemail saying I'm binning your bits but still want mine. Apparently he'd taken to Facebook saying you can't always get what you want, it's a wonderful stroke of luck the day I contacted him. I decided to let him be a child bitter and petty and move on and be happy, then realised he has my passport and I go away in a few weeks!! Yestersay he declare on Facebook he's now engaged four months after me to the girl he hooked up with a week after me. He's been beyond childish and cruel throughout all this when I wanted to be civil and get my stuff back and his. I've now binned his and as he's so desperate to cling to mine, he can keep them. He's pathetic and rebound or not, they are welcome to each other. Thank you for all your advice. I completely deserve better!
Contact him and give it back to him. Then apply no contact for another 2-3 weeks and then text him.
Hi,
I’m not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he’s trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she’s screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn’t answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He’s 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I’d binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I’d bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he’s got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Thanks Sam
Hi,
I'm not sure what on earth is going on. My ex emailed me the other day saying he's trapped and his new fiancé is pregnant and she's screwed him over and he hates his job and asking for help from the people he emailed. I replied nicely to it as I was happily getting my closure and felt in a good place to be ok to contact him back and say he needs to talk to her. The next day he called me three times but I didn't answer and have no answering machine and I also got a text calling me scum and my mum lazy. Needless to say I was really confused by all of it. He finally contacted me about giving me my stuff back and he looked so miserable. He arrived with his dad as well. He's 30, bringing a child into this world but acting like a child himself. Unfortunately for him, I'd binned all his stuff having given him months to collect and contacted him many times and then said I'd bin them. He gave me 15 mins to get my bits. So in five months from our break up he's got a new girl pregnant, made her his fiancé and now contacting me. What is going on and what on earth do I do?
Hi. I contacted him
to ask for my stuff and to tell him he had a week to contact me about his otherwise I'd take it to mean bin it all. Day 8 nothing so called and left voicemail saying I'm binning your bits but still want mine. Apparently he'd taken to Facebook saying you can't always get what you want, it's a wonderful stroke of luck the day I contacted him. I decided to let him be a child bitter and petty and move on and be happy, then realised he has my passport and I go away in a few weeks!! Yestersay he declare on Facebook he's now engaged four months after me to the girl he hooked up with a week after me. He's been beyond childish and cruel throughout all this when I wanted to be civil and get my stuff back and his. I've now binned his and as he's so desperate to cling to mine, he can keep them. He's pathetic and rebound or not, they are welcome to each other. Thank you for all your advice. I completely deserve better!
Contact him and give it back to him. Then apply no contact for another 2-3 weeks and then text him.
Hi again, I've completed 30 days no contact, actually longer. I'm more confident, thinner and healthy with a new home makeover. The thing is, you said let his new relationship play out and then contact him but he still has half his life around mine. I've bagged it all up but I'm not a storage facility nor a taxi service. There is so much stuff here. Do I contact him and give him a time frame to collect or continue no contact? He's still with his rebound nearly five months later so if the man I love is still going strong with her, I don't want his belongings left here forever. There is so much stuff. He said in march 'I'll collect my stuff soon when work calms down'. I said ok but he hasn't yet. What am I to do?
Hi again, I've completed 30 days no contact, actually longer. I'm more confident, thinner and healthy with a new home makeover. The thing is, you said let his new relationship play out and then contact him but he still has half his life around mine. I've bagged it all up but I'm not a storage facility nor a taxi service. There is so much stuff here. Do I contact him and give him a time frame to collect or continue no contact? He's still with his rebound nearly five months later so if the man I love is still going strong with her, I don't want his belongings left here forever. There is so much stuff. He said in march 'I'll collect my stuff soon when work calms down'. I said ok but he hasn't yet. What am I to do?
Hi again, I've completed 30 days no contact, actually longer. I'm more confident, thinner and healthy with a new home makeover. The thing is, you said let his new relationship play out and then contact him but he still has half his life around mine. I've bagged it all up but I'm not a storage facility nor a taxi service. There is so much stuff here. Do I contact him and give him a time frame to collect or continue no contact? He's still with his rebound nearly five months later so if the man I love is still going strong with her, I don't want his belongings left here forever. There is so much stuff. He said in march 'I'll collect my stuff soon when work calms down'. I said ok but he hasn't yet. What am I to do?
Thank you, I will do just that. He's sent a few horrible texts since and blamed me a few times and trying to reinforce he's moved on but I've been ignoring him, no contact!
Thank you, I will do just that. He's sent a few horrible texts since and blamed me a few times and trying to reinforce he's moved on but I've been ignoring him, no contact!
Yes, he is rebounding. Let his new relationship play out. Contact him after that using one of the methods in this article.
Hi,
I am in need of some help on my breakup. My fiancé broke off our engagement 3wks ago-we have been talking/arguing off and on ever since. 6yrs we have been together engaged for 3. About 2yrs ago we were expecting a baby and everything was great. Then we had a miscarriage and it was very hard on us both. I sank into a deep depression and I was angry and insecure.Our relationship argument were mostly about my job at a bar and once I got a real job I was very stressed with the new hours,people, and on the job learning. My ex finally got tired of everything and one day just told me he was done and that he cannot fix us. Then he left the next day and went out of town, we lived together for the next 3 wks and I finally moved out 2 days ago. I have cried and done just about everything to communicate to repair and not destroy us. I keep trying to save our relationship and all he says in return that we have no future and he is done and there is nothing I can do. He finally told me to give him the ring back. While I can see in his eyes he is not trying to cry, he randomly gives me long hugs, or holds me intensely then avoids looking at me. I had to leave my home,dog,and move most of my belongings into a stooge unit. I still have more things in the house that I will eventually have to go get. I don't understand because the days before the breakup we were intimate. Everything was normal, breakfast,dinner,kisses,hugs,snuggle time, watching movies. No signs of him getting distant or was upset at anything. Also, all my friends and family that i have told are shocked they all get and say WHAT???. He has even called my best friend to calm me down from crying and is cold acting like this is nothing to him or as this is a relationship that was a few months long instead of a 6yr. No cheating on either of our part just that he said he was not happy. Yet nobody knew he was or showed anyone he was all he told his guy friends is that we have had arguments off and on. I am really sad and have lost everything in my life. I almost quit my job and left town. I don't know what to do. I starred to do the 30 days and I'm only on my 2nd. I think I will mail the ring and make plans to move out of state. For some reason I think he will want me back in his life and It is hard to live day to day.
I also think he will want you back eventually. It's worth giving a shot at least. All the best.
I also think he will want you back eventually. It's worth giving a shot at least. All the best.
Hi Kevin,
I've been in a long distance relationship for a little bit over 2,5 years. We had our problems during our relationship and many times i acted insecure and pushed myself. She said that she was not sure about us anymore 2 weeks ago and i did all the wrong things (begging, pleading, sending alot ofmsgs a day). Now last Wednesday she broke up with me after i kept being annoying. She said she lost her feelings for and got tired of us being a couple, that we can be friends but our love is over.
What should i do?
Hi Kevin
I think you are amazing for doing this. One word = Legend!
I am unsure if my post went through. Not sure if I get response via email or other.
Anyways, Im sure you are busy so I look forward to hearing back from you.
Tomass C
Thanks for your comment Tomass. I try. :)
I answered your comment here.
Thanks for your comment Tomass. I try. :)
I answered your comment here.
Hi Kevin.
I'm glad I stumbled upon your website. I was reading through the posts and a couple fit my situation, if you want to call it that. So - my story goes back eight years.. is it even possible to be away from someone that long and still be in love with them? About a year after high school (for me), he randomly texts me on my birthday, then we communicate back and forth, not every day, but for several months, when out of the blue he stops texting me altogether. However, at that time we were still "friends" on Facebook.. I would send him a message or two but he would never respond. In the past, if he were to see me out and about (let's say at an intersection), I would see him but try not and look until the last minute and when I did, he would always be starring at me (and this has been in the last several months). He'll speak to everyone we went to high school with but me.. as far as I know, he's never had a girlfriend after me. I've tried expressing to him how I feel (several times) but I never get a response. I've tried letting my family members and close friends know how I am feeling but when I tell them.. they can't give me an answer of why he stopped talking to me.. they just say "oh, that's weird." I would just like a clear answer from him or I feel like I might never get over him.
Thank you!
Hey Gillian,
That sucks. But I think you are just dragging this obsession along for no reason. I understand you feel like if you get an answer from him, you will get closure. And maybe you are right. But you don't need that answer to get over him. You just need to accept the fact that he is not interested in you. If he was, he would've contacted you. And he would've told you when you expressed your feelings for him. But he is not. And wasting more time pursuing him is not going to change the fact. I know it's hard to accept, but it's the truth.
Hey Gillian,
That sucks. But I think you are just dragging this obsession along for no reason. I understand you feel like if you get an answer from him, you will get closure. And maybe you are right. But you don't need that answer to get over him. You just need to accept the fact that he is not interested in you. If he was, he would've contacted you. And he would've told you when you expressed your feelings for him. But he is not. And wasting more time pursuing him is not going to change the fact. I know it's hard to accept, but it's the truth.
I think the most important thing about this article is LEARNING TO BE HAPPY WITOUT YOUR EX. Say you follow all of these steps, have built confidence, your ego is shining gold, and you feel more attractive than ever, even if your ex DOESNT want you back, you are going to be a happy person. A happy confident beautiful person and you will have learned by that time that you can be happy WITHOUT them. As for my question, I have an hour long class with my ex. Its just the two of us, how do I go about dealing with that?
That's tricky. The best thing you can do is just treat your ex like an acquaintance during that time. Try your best not to get overtly friendly with him/her. And if possible at all, change the schedule.
That's tricky. The best thing you can do is just treat your ex like an acquaintance during that time. Try your best not to get overtly friendly with him/her. And if possible at all, change the schedule.
my ex boyfriend started a new relationship while he was still in a relationship with me I knew we had problems and, I found out about him being engaged, but he continued to contact me/flirt with me and visit me. he never acknowledged being engaged to this other women, he was shocked I found out and asked me how I found out. I gave him every opportunity to come clean about the situation but he refused to acknowledge anything. Then he recently married this other but continues to contact me. I did contact his new wife and explained to her that I was still in a relationship with her now husband during their entire engagement up until they were married. I don't know if this a rebound relationship even though he married her because he's having trouble in the marriage and his now wife is emailing me stating that's she confused and if I'm still contacting him....
Well, if he got married with her, I think it's safe to say it's more than just a rebound. You'll be just wasting your time and causing yourself more hurt if you try to pursue him. Cut all contact with him and move on with your life.
Well, if he got married with her, I think it's safe to say it's more than just a rebound. You'll be just wasting your time and causing yourself more hurt if you try to pursue him. Cut all contact with him and move on with your life.
Hi Kevin -
I am a sophomore in highschool, and my boyfriend is currently a senior. So, I had been with my boyfriend for about 15 months prior to when I broke it off with him last November. last spring, he cheated on me emotionally by starting things with another girl and since then we had some trust issues (naturally) and my reality had pretty much been shattered, as I had no idea that it had been going on. Last summer, I moved away and then came back because I wanted to be with him and return to school.
We go to school together, so this was supposed to work out, as we had continued our relationship without much difficulty for the month that I was gone. However, when I came back, we celebrated our one year anniversary, but things begin to fall apart, as I was dealing with some emotional issues and family problems and he was enduring a lot of pressure and stress making decisions about college, etc. We have always been incredibly close, and have put each other first in most situations. Our families and friends all comment on how supportive we are to each other.
He proposed, with a very nice ring, and we were pretty sure we were going to stay together. I understand how this seems way to serious for our age, but we had very vibrant lives outside of each other as well, we just happened to be very very in love at the same time. However, because of the falling apart occuring, I became distraught, as did he, and we pretty much began to tear the relationship apart. He stopped spending time with me, which was incredibly unlike him, as all he ever wanted to do before was be with me. I broke it off, saying we could take a break, but the break became a breakup. He began to see other people, including the girl he cheated on me with, but always kept it casual.
Up to now, he still hasn't had another relationship. I attempted to date someone, but it didn't work out as the other person was a commitment-phobe, but we are now best friends. On the other hand, my ex has had casual relations with a lot of people yet is still coming back to me. We both have expressed that we still have feelings for each other, and we have kissed a few times recently. We haven't gone a day since breaking up without arguing or talking or discussing something about our past relationship. So, in saying that, I don't believe he is over me. I'm not over him either, I still love him and he says he still loves and wants me. Recently, we discussed getting back together after he showed up at a party to see me.
After considering it, I decided I wanted to, but I waited to say anything about it for a week or so. When the time came, I called him to tell him I wanted to get back together. He went back and forth for a few days, and we were arguing a bit about things that would come up, and eventually he concluded that he wanted to be friends and see where it went. I said I don't want to do that because I felt like it's not fair to me. When he heard I had a date with someone the next day, he went crazy and wouldn't speak to me, but when I asked if it was because he wanted me he said that he couldn't be with me because he was going away to college soon and that our relationship was troubled anyways.
Basically, where we are now is that he wants to be with me and I want to be with him, but because of how we still interact now (fighting and arguing and spiting each other out of hurt from the break up) it's not able to move forward. I am confident that if I had the courage to up my game and really try to get him back by making him miss me, that we could be together. It seems the main problem is our current relationship, which is upsetting and border-line toxic, simply because we fight over the past which keeps us from moving forward. As soon as I lighten up he wants to be around me and is sweet to me.
What do you think? Is there hope for me to fix this and start over with him? If so, where do I start?
Yes, you do have hope. Start with no contact. Let him know you both need space and time as your current relationship is not going to do you any good. Five it at least two weeks. Work on your issues. Try to figure out why you keep fighting constantly. Work on your communication skills during that time. Learn to be happy without him. And learn to leave the past behind. Then get back in touch with him and don't fight with him about anything. Just be friends and have a fun time. And when you've been like this for a while, ask him again to get back together.
Yes, you do have hope. Start with no contact. Let him know you both need space and time as your current relationship is not going to do you any good. Five it at least two weeks. Work on your issues. Try to figure out why you keep fighting constantly. Work on your communication skills during that time. Learn to be happy without him. And learn to leave the past behind. Then get back in touch with him and don't fight with him about anything. Just be friends and have a fun time. And when you've been like this for a while, ask him again to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
I have some questions after reading the plan and I want your advices.
While I and her are classmates and we are in the same project team, how exactly can I do to do the no contact period?
And also, the reason she broke up with me were because my emotional problem and she had so much work and she gave up a lot for this relationship that she has so many ambitions . My emotional problem was the major reason and I am improving for that lately. I have begged her for sometimes and until she told me its too stressful, then I started to give her own space totally like your plan said. But how can I also work on projects with her while no talking to her?
Other than that, she really is a busy girl. She needs to do tutoring for kids and working as a couch. She told me that she will not have time for any relationship and because I hurt her so much by starting fights between us, she does not want any relationship in a short time.
May you kindly give me some advices? Thank you Kevin!
Treat her like an acquaintance. Unless you can find a way to change your project team, you will have to apply limited contact while working with her. Just don't be overtly friendly with her and keep conversations with her short.
I just dont know how to tell her that me and her interest can both exist.
All right. Then what about she said she wants more time for her own works and interests? Like travel alone and stuff (I asked before that if we be friends may we travel together and she said no).
Give her the time she needs. Apply no contact other than just project work.
Give her the time she needs. Apply no contact other than just project work.
Give her the time she needs. Apply no contact other than just project work.
Give her the time she needs. Apply no contact other than just project work.
I just dont know how to tell her that me and her interest can both exist.
All right. Then what about she said she wants more time for her own works and interests? Like travel alone and stuff (I asked before that if we be friends may we travel together and she said no).
I just dont know how to tell her that me and her interest can both exist.
All right. Then what about she said she wants more time for her own works and interests? Like travel alone and stuff (I asked before that if we be friends may we travel together and she said no).
Treat her like an acquaintance. Unless you can find a way to change your project team, you will have to apply limited contact while working with her. Just don't be overtly friendly with her and keep conversations with her short.
Hey so I've been with my ex for only about 6 months. we broke up I'm December, almost about 4 months ago. we fought a lot about the most stupidest things like Instagram and FB, he seem very insecure when I would post something and other guys would like it and I never was that why towards him. But with this continuing I started to fight back with him.
When he liked photos. But he would first say I was an awful gf when I was mostly liking photos of people who I graduated HS with, but I would see him constantly liking photos. So of corse I did it back. I'm the type of person who doesn't take any bullshit. But anyways we mostly fought about dumb things like that. after 2 months we kinda stared talking again like just going out for a drink and he told me he hooked up with someone else . I wasn't mad at all because we weren't together so I had no reason to be. So he asked me of I've done anything or hooked up with anyone and I was honest and I said no because I didn't . He didn't believe me so I just felt like nothing is possible with this guy. And honestly I love him so much. I've never felt so in love with someone that's why I know he's someone special. That's why I wanted to get back with him. He told me straight out he wouldn't be able to get back with me because of our past and things we said to each other. And I just told him I completely understand you need to just do what's best for yourself and that was it .. Then from there I knew I didn't have another chance and he wasn't willing to make things work so I told myself as much as I don't wanna move on I have to. so i stated to just realize maybe it's for the best. But what is weird is that we will text me and call me when I post pictures with my friends enjoying myself. That's the only time I would really hear from him, he called me one night 78 times I didn't answer until I started getting annoyed so I answered and he was asking me where I was and what am I doing and I'm coming over there . At this point trying to clam him down and telling him listen I'm out with friends I'm not with you idk why you are calling me. It seems like he still try's to control me when I haven't even been with him for 4 months.. But he doesn't wanna get back together so idk why he keeps playing these games but it stated messing with my head. Then he would apologize and I would just be like well it's alright but I don't understand why your doing this to the both of us . Let it be ect. But he always still does it. Now he makes me feel like a terrible person saying I'm a lair when I don't even know that the hell I did. Telling me that's why I can't make you my girlfriend again but I don't understand what I'm doing and he makes me feel like I am a terrible person and I know I'm not and when he thinks of me that way that kills me and I don't know why he's being so complicated. like almost trying to bring me down and feel guilty about myself when he's doing his own thing too with his friends. And I've been so depressed because he's making up all these stories in his head about me and I've done nothing. So I just don't get it and as much as I try to ignore him. He calls and texts way to much when he feels like it and how do you ignore that? It's so hard .. like what is it that he is trying to do ? I was willing to get back and start fresh when the time was right but clearly I don't think he will change so I just try to keep my distance and hope one day he comes around . I really don't know what to say but he makes me feel like such a piece of shit when he should feel like the asshole. Excuse me for my language but I just don't understand why he's doing that. Why is he doing this? If you can please respond back I would really appreciate it. Thanks
Yeah, accaulty he's rediculous. forget everything .. He makes me what to hang myself. Too complicated. I've been nothing but nice to that boy, he isn't a man, and I get treated like garbage. I think I'm done for good I deserve better And people don't change unless they what to and if he really wanted to be with me he would have made a change by now. it is what it is but I can't make myself feel hopeless anymore and have him bring me down because he's bitter. Honestly I know he will want to be with me again. Maybe not right now but like you said he will realize one day but it will be to late .. Just glad I didn't waste too much time. still very hurt but now I need to worry about myself. Thanks so much Kevin
He doesn't want to lose you. He is confused. He is afraid that you will find someone else and he will lose you forever. And he is not able to convince himself to get back together. A good way to get past this is to let him know you need space and time and it doesn't mean you are moving on. You just need a months time to think things through and you will contact him after that. Then follow the rest of the plan.
Yeah, accaulty he's rediculous. forget everything .. He makes me what to hang myself. Too complicated. I've been nothing but nice to that boy, he isn't a man, and I get treated like garbage. I think I'm done for good I deserve better And people don't change unless they what to and if he really wanted to be with me he would have made a change by now. it is what it is but I can't make myself feel hopeless anymore and have him bring me down because he's bitter. Honestly I know he will want to be with me again. Maybe not right now but like you said he will realize one day but it will be to late .. Just glad I didn't waste too much time. still very hurt but now I need to worry about myself. Thanks so much Kevin
He doesn't want to lose you. He is confused. He is afraid that you will find someone else and he will lose you forever. And he is not able to convince himself to get back together. A good way to get past this is to let him know you need space and time and it doesn't mean you are moving on. You just need a months time to think things through and you will contact him after that. Then follow the rest of the plan.
Hi Kevin,
Please be advised that this is quite long (I've never been a fan of brevity) and that I more than respect you for even THINKING about reading it. I know how many people you serve! :) I am so thankful to have found your site. I have spent the last five days (in between no sleep, no food, not leaving my room/house for 5 days, and smoking cigarettes - btw, I don't smoke!) searching the internet for answers/guidance and found nothing of the sort until I stumbled upon this site. I have already read through the five steps as well as almost every article attached to it, and the articles attached to THOSE. I've also read some comments (too many to get through, but enough to have even more respect for your guidance toward your readers) and I haven't stumbled upon a situation like mine and would appreciate any words that you might have.
I have been "single" (dating, nothing serious, focusing on me/career, etc) for three years in July. I made this conscious decision soon after ending my two year, very unhealthy relationship with my last serious boyfriend in order to establish and find myself as well as learn who I was post-breakup. At the end of January this year, I decided to get a glass of wine at a well known watering hole by myself (I've learned to love spending time alone in public vs. with people - I have never feared it) at 11pm on a Friday night. Even the most independent of women really don't go here alone on a date night, but something told me to do so anyway. I wasn't looking for anyone, in fact I think that I had the "raging bitch who doesn't want to speak to anyone" look plastered on my face, for no good reason really other than to just spend some time alone. A nice man ended up coming over, introducing himself, and asking to sit next to me. Long story short, he asked to give me HIS number - which I felt was very respectful and left the ball in my court. I texted him the next day to thank him for introducing himself and we kept in touch loosely. Three days later, we bumped into one another at a restaurant (both alone) and the rest was history. We spent a great deal of WONDERFUL time together and talked until the sun rose that night, and every night since for a month. That night in the restaurant he informed me that he was in the middle of a separation and that his divorce wouldn't be finalized until July (*RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG*, I know!). He then told me his "story" of them being married 16 years, having three kids, her having an emotional and later physical affair with a co-worker (the VP of the company that they BOTH work for) and "kicked him out" into an apartment, etc. After a year of attempted repair (moving off to Paris to reconnect and everything), he made the decision that he'd found himself and his deserve level and decided to move on with his life, leaving the marriage for good after realizing that the trust, and therefore bond, was broken. To say that I was weary would be the understatement of the century, but he assured me that he was happy and excited to be moving on with his life and told me "I can't help when I meet someone that captivates me the way that you have". I told him that I would trust him and never bring it up again (as the friend of SEVERAL divorcees, both men and women, I know that the "is it too fresh?", "are you sure you're ready?" questions get to be a drag) unless it became a problem. I kept that promise. Everything was perfect, we fell for one another and told each other on Valentine's Day and both agreed that even though there were hurdles (his kids are taking it hard, his ex isn't a very nice person, etc.), we would tackle them and get through them together. Because I made the effort for years to be the best ME that I could, I knew that I was getting into this relationship for ALL of the right reasons and that he was receiving the best "me" that I could give. I did not jump the gun and new very well what it "looked like" to get into a relationship with someone like that, but I took him for his word. During our time, he did things that no man I've dated ever has. He sat and listened to two hour long (again - the brevity issue!) saga stories about exes and why things ended/what I learned. He reciprocated compliments, attention, and affection. He left me notes around the house. He gave me a key for convenience as it's a gated community and let me leave/arrive separately from him when needed. He let me stay at his place whenever he wasn't there to give me an escape. He outfitted the place with food and toiletries that he knew I'd need/like. He mentioned things about how I was "helping him feel again" and how he knows that I put my heart out on a platter that he honors it and me every single day. He introduced me to his kids (soon, I know - it was our decision to wait a considerable amount of time until we all ran into one another at a shopping center) where soon after we spent days together doing activities, having movie nights, even sleep overs (I slept with the girls, of course). We went out for dinners, bought our favorite wine, and talked for hours on end. We planned trips together, had stupid nicknames, and established routines. We talked about the future and what we wanted. Three weeks ago (maybe four) he made mention that things were going a bit too quickly in that we were spending a bit too much time together (there was nothing else about us that he felt was "too soon") and that even though he was in love with me, he realized that he'd lost his "me" time. He was able to recognize a weakness of his from his previous relationship where he grew suffocated and needed time for himself that he was never able to get, thus shutting down. He didn't want to do that to me. It was totally acceptable as we'd seen each other every single day for over a month and I was sort of feeling the same way too. Fearful that it was really a ploy to break up with me, we had an hour long emotional (on my end) conversation in which he helped me to understand that it's okay to miss one another and have alone time (which I am 100% all for) and that it wasn't an ulterior motive. His actions backed up his words (I've started paying less attention to words over the years) and we were okay. We celebrated two months together last weekend (I know how silly this is at our age, but it was a cute and light thing between us at the time) and things were great. I put up a photo of us on Facebook (something that I am VERY weary about for the fear of jinxing things too soon, which he was aware of, so it symbolized more than what an outsider might think) and mentioned that it was the best 60 days that I've had in years, thus "introducing him" to the "public". I was insanely happy and hopeful.
The next Tuesday after a very fun dinner/bowling date, he started dropping comments here and there about how he "still felt broken" and that he felt bad for me, that I didn't deserve it. I will now point out that I am 25 years old and that he is 44 years old. Before this gets judged by you or any of your readers (no offense, I'm just used to it), I have dated "older" my entire dating life and my friend circle ranges from 30-50 and always has. I have experienced a multitude of unique challenges in life and it's simply easier to relate to men who I consider to be on a similar wave length. I have heard "you're young", "you have so much ahead of you, have fun", "don't go looking for the complication of older men", etc., but those are from people who do not know me and the complications that I myself deal with and that it's easier for me to experience a healthy partnership in someone who is older. I also view "fun" very differently from the people in my age group and am naturally isolated from such people.
Anywho, last Tuesday (the last time that I saw him in person), he blurted out once again that he feels selfish for needing so much alone time, suddenly needing to travel (he decided on a whim to book a trip to France by himself for a week in April), not giving me "what I need" sexually (sorry to bring it up, but our "intimacy" has suffered a bit over the recent weeks - not the frequency but the quality, and yet I haven't been upset by it one bit) - which I have already picked up on because he's been so "in his head", etc . He mentioned that he likes being committed to me and that he wasn't trying to break up with me, but that sometimes it still hurts to know that his 16 year marriage has ended. I told him that I was more than fulfilled by the man he was and the way that he loved me, and that I saw all of his struggles as an opportunity for me to lend support and an escape as well as act as a symbol of the new and happy life that he gets to establish for himself on his terms. I asked him not to decide what I deserve, that it was my decision, and that I was perfectly happy. I understand completely that a man who doesn't want to be in an unhealthy marriage anymore and who doesn't ever want for or plan a reconciliation could still be mourning the end of that partnership, especially with three kids involved. I have always allowed for and respected that grief. That night we tried to - well you know - and it "didn't work" (something that he'd dealt with in his marriage as well as with the two women that he dated before me and something that our openness and connection had temporarily rectified at the beginning of the relationship, but had started to become more common lately), and I do admit that I was visibly frustrated and a little quiet afterward because I knew that there was something on his mind and it frustrated me to know that. Things were a bit "awkward" going to sleep. The next morning, we parted ways with an "I'll miss you" from him, and things seemed alright. Thursday evening, after a normal day of talking via text (granted, I had to text him first around noon - out of the norm, and he wouldn't respond for a couple of hours - out of the norm as well) he sent me a message at 8:00pm that said "Hi you. You deserve to know that I'm going dark for the rest of the night, no phone or text. I'm okay, know that. I just don't want you to worry. I have unresolved issues that I have to sort out...I'm sorry I'm so broken :\. I am not with anyone or doing anything specific, it's not about that. Just me being alone with my thoughts. I'll text you tomorrow, hope you're having a good night!" I texted back the most calm, objective, supportive, understanding, and mature message that I could, and then proceeded to panic. I have been living on cucumbers, hot tea, and cigarettes ever since. I felt in my gut that something was seriously not right. The next day he texted me once at 9:30pm with "Hi you...sorry I've kind of disappeared on you, crazy day. Getting the girls in bed and I'm going to go to sleep too, I'm tired. I hope your day is going well and that you have a fun Friday night!!!". I tried to respond as supportive and "girlfriendy" as I could, all the while breaking apart inside. We didn't speak all of yesterday (Saturday) or today until I finally bit the bullet in the evening and sent him an email (trying to still give him space) saying "Thinking of you and wishing you four a wonderful weekend, xo K". I got an email a half hour later that said "Hi you, so sorry that I've dropped off of the planet, girls and I had a busy weekend. I'm hoping that we can see each other sometime tomorrow, maybe lunch or afternoon time?" (No I love you or I miss you since Tuesday, for the record)
That was the nail in the coffin for me, the writing is on the wall. Usually he's on about getting together in the evening after his kids are back with their mother, resulting in dinner/fun/overnight stay. Lunch time makes no sense. It's clear to me, unless I am THE most selfish woman on earth, that this is heading for a break up and so I thought that instead of panicking and going in tomorrow ready to cry and make a fool of myself - because after reading your articles it's CLEAR that I'd have done that for all of the reasons that you stated (I love him, I want to help him work through this, I can convince him, etc.) - that I'd confide in your very well thought out advice.
I know that this isn't exactly due to something wrong with me specifically, that he may still need time to find himself and a new balance after his split. I know that dating a separated man is risky, I was timid going into it. What I am trying to figure out now is this: if we do in fact break up tomorrow, I want him to know that I will still be here ready to work on things and keep cultivating a relationship. That I want him and I to pull through this and that if he needs time away, that's completely fine with me. I have thought about my reasons for this and they're centered around the fact that we established a great partnership, a wonderful connection, a respect for one another, a support system, that we have similar interests/morals/life goals, and that I see great potential for a future in this. I know that he needs to be his best self and completely mourn and detach himself from his former life as a twosome with his ex before he can be in a relationship, and if he suddenly realized that maybe he hasn't completely done that yet - I get it. That's okay (kind of wish the "I love you part" wasn't said then...). All of that said, I still want HIM. I want HIM to be my person, I want him in my future. I am planning to go tomorrow and listen a great deal, say my bit, thank him for who and what he was to me and the time that we had together, and tell him that I'll always be here for him. I plan on establishing and sticking to the "no contact contract" (yes, I gave it a nickname to try and think a little more positively about the whole situation...giggle away, everyone! :-) ) and then follow the rest of the steps. I just DON'T know how to convey to him that I see all of these things and want all of these things and that I DO love him and respect him and his process immensely without looking like a needy beggar who cannot accept reality. I am none of those things. I am a person who has met someone where unfortunately circumstances prevent from us having the relationship that I know we could and that we've had thus far, despite hiccups along the way. I am a strong and independent person who knows what she wants and is prepared to wait for/fight for it.
Any advice that you have will help. I know that this is SO long and the world does NOT revolve around me, you've probably fallen asleep by now! I just feel so lost in all of this. This is the first man that I've felt this way about in years - and in some ways, ever. My age and my experience have brought me to the point in which I can be SURE of what I have and I do not want to lose it forever. Any ideas/opinions?
Thank you SO much,
Kendallyn
Hi Kendallyn,
Well, I have a feeling that you might be jumping to conclusions over here. It could simply be that he just wants to talk about himself and not breakup. And even if he does want to breakup, I don't think you will look needy if you explain all the things to him that you explained as long as you don't ask him not to break up with you. If you want, you can propose a break, instead of breakup, and then apply no contact. And even if you do sound needy, it's OK because a lot of people do make these mistakes, but the no contact contract does a good job of removing the needy image from an ex's mind.
So, stop over-thinking things. I know you have very strong feelings for him, but you jumped into the relationship knowing there will issues. And these are the issues that come with dating a man going through a divorce. If you are going to freak out every time he doesn't say "I miss you" in his texts, you are going to drive yourself crazy (and possibly very sick with the smoking). So calm down.
Hi Kendallyn,
Well, I have a feeling that you might be jumping to conclusions over here. It could simply be that he just wants to talk about himself and not breakup. And even if he does want to breakup, I don't think you will look needy if you explain all the things to him that you explained as long as you don't ask him not to break up with you. If you want, you can propose a break, instead of breakup, and then apply no contact. And even if you do sound needy, it's OK because a lot of people do make these mistakes, but the no contact contract does a good job of removing the needy image from an ex's mind.
So, stop over-thinking things. I know you have very strong feelings for him, but you jumped into the relationship knowing there will issues. And these are the issues that come with dating a man going through a divorce. If you are going to freak out every time he doesn't say "I miss you" in his texts, you are going to drive yourself crazy (and possibly very sick with the smoking). So calm down.
Hey I read your article and I am simply confused . My boyfriend didn't break up with me. I ended up breaking up with him because he stopped considering me as a priority . We would go to the gym together and it seemed like that's the only time he'd wanna see me . An he would save the weekends to hang out with the "boys". I don't think he was doing anything behind my back , but I just wanted him to put some effort rather than fit me in his gym schedule . When I told him he wasn't having it he said either be positive or leave . I assumed he had a long day so I stopped responding till he blew up on me and brought up irrelevant situations to bring me down . So I just ended up saying it was low of him and I ended it. We were together for 8 months and this isn't how I pictured us ending . We were good till he stopped putting and effort . Even though I know he loves me , or I am just making excuses for him. I don't know what to do or how I feel but it's been couple days and he hasn't even tried apologizing . This is our second break, I need some outside view . I am so lost on what went wrong but I haven't tried contacting him neither.
The 5 step plan still applies to your situation. Give him to miss you and realize his mistakes.
The 5 step plan still applies to your situation. Give him to miss you and realize his mistakes.
Me again - I am SO sorry. I just read the comment guidelines (I didn't know that there was a such thing until after I submitted mine) and feel so silly for being so in depth and descriptive and making my comment turn into a novella. I can assure you that it won't happen again, it was just nice to be able to tell someone whose opinion I trust the entire story - forgetting that you, again, have many others to serve. My apologies! Thank you again for your consideration and help. :)
-Kendallyn
It's quite alright. :)
It's quite alright. :)
Hi I reeeeeally need your advice. My ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago. We were in a 4 year long distance relationship hence the main reason that he broke up was the distance also some mistakes I made which I accept that it was my fault. Anyways when we broke up I begged him to take me back and I did almost everything I could to get back together but nothing really worked at that time. He just ignored me and constantly told me to move on with my life and there's definitely no hope for the relationship to workout. So I finally accepted the fact that we've broken up and I stopped contacting him and kept my distance. I had zero contact with him for two weeks though he sent me texts few times I just didn't reply to any of them. Well it was abit easy because he lives in Australia and I live in Maldives. After the break up I went to Mysore to clear my head abit and after I came back he started calling me. Everything he said when he broke up sunddenly changed and started telling me how he really feels. He said that he doesn't wanna move on but at the same time he doesn't want a serious committed long distance relationship, also he said that he's never gonna feel the same connection we have with anyone else and he miss me alot and alot of other stuff but I told him that I wanna move on because I have deep strong feelings for him and the only way I could move on is without having any contact with him.! But he kept on calling trying to convince me to be friends with him but also he said friends a really vague word and we are not friends we have a special connection which I totally agree with him. Most importantly he said he still wants me and wanna get back with me but he doesn't want a serious long distance relationship more than he wanna get back with me. Though he said if we talk maybe in the future we could get back together. So since then I've been talking but it's so hard for me coz I love him like crazy. I'm just trying to hide my feelings and trying to maintain a friendly relationship with him hoping to get back to together in the future. It's not a guaranteed one though and that's killing me inside. I really have no clue about what I should do coz he's been giving me mixed signals. It's so confusing. We've been talking more than friends talk to eachother. And two days ago I told him honestly that I started this friendship thing coz I wanna make our relationship work and I asked him to stop calling me and texting me if he doesn't feel the same way but in his reply he said I'm the closest to him and he can share everything with me and we have a unique connection and he thinks about getting back together since we broke up up until today. An he's still talking to me. I'm so confused. Please advice
Tale,
He is going to drag you along for as long as he can if you let him. He gets his emotional support from you and he still has the freedom to mes around with other girls since he is not in a relationship. He wants this. He wants to keep you as a backup. Here's what you should do.
Give yourself a time limit for how long you want to continue doing this. Let's say two months or maybe four. You decide how long can you keep doing this. If he doesn't talk about getting back together till the end of that time limit, you tell him to make a decision. Either he gets back together with you, or you cut him off completely and move on. If he still doesn't agree, then you should cut him off and move on.
Tale,
He is going to drag you along for as long as he can if you let him. He gets his emotional support from you and he still has the freedom to mes around with other girls since he is not in a relationship. He wants this. He wants to keep you as a backup. Here's what you should do.
Give yourself a time limit for how long you want to continue doing this. Let's say two months or maybe four. You decide how long can you keep doing this. If he doesn't talk about getting back together till the end of that time limit, you tell him to make a decision. Either he gets back together with you, or you cut him off completely and move on. If he still doesn't agree, then you should cut him off and move on.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend broke up with me, we were in a long distance relationship for 2,5 years. We were in it from the start as we met on a Holiday in Greece (we both live in different countries). I have did everything wrong as 2 weeks ago i annoyed her too much with being to controlling and being too insecure. She said she wanted a break and i came into the 'panic mode' and i started to beg, plead and giving her an ultimatum. Now last Wednesday i asked her what is the deal now, i can't be friends and just act like everything is okay. She said, maybe it's really better if we break up. And she said, sorry but i don't want to be together anymore. She became too tired of us, and lost her feelings for me. We could be friends because we have a lot of things in common, but our love was over. She said that she wanted to find herself. After that i said the i can't be friends because it hurts too much. I said what is thought about her (good things) and I said my goodbyes. What can i do now? We had no contact since then. But i am afraid she will forget easily about me since we live so far apart.
Hope to get some advice from you.
Greetings,
Marc
Keep no contact for 30 days then send her the letter mentioned in the article.
Keep no contact for 30 days then send her the letter mentioned in the article.
Hi
Been reading all this advice and to be honest just a little confused, can you offer some advice please??/
Ok me and my wife have been together for 16 yrs and married 8 yrs we got together from the ages of 17. So childhood sweethearts :)
Recently we split up, its been a month and that was because she said she is no longer in love with me, we got stuck in our relationship and it wasnt going anywhere, we became stale and she doesnt want that anymore. So i've moved in with my parents and have done for a month. The first 2 weeks we didn't really see each other and only talked about the kids. I then went over the house one day to get my things and we ended up chatting, laughing and fighting with chocolate spread. That night we went out for a quick bite too eat and we talked about us and she told me how she felt. I found out that she had been going out for food with a guy from work who is a friend and hes been over the house too.
We saw each other quite alot over the last 2 weeks,I took her shopping the day before her birthday as I was actually working on her birthday so I couldnt take her out then. I stupidly looked in her phone and saw messages from this guy from work, he said he has fallen for her and wants to be with her, and my wife has messaged back that she only wants to be friends and she needs time too see how she feels about me. I confronted my wife about this and I said i dont think its fair that you are spending time with me too see how you feel about me but also spending time with this guy as well. So we left it at that.
Got home put the kids too bed and we ended up talking and ended up having sex, then i left. Anyway next day, her birthday i saw her in the morning, before i went to work, and gave her cards and presents etc. We went out for breakfast together and she told me thats she is supposed to be going out with that guy from work tonight, but i dont know if i want too i dont think its fair to be spending time with you both. Ok so i went to work asked if i could have the night off to take my wife out, so great i have the night off. I text her ' if i said to you now that ill take you out for your birthday what would you say???
I had a text back saying yes. So we went out had a great time, it was really nice just talking and laughing. She tld me that she ended up having an argument with this guy from work and he was saying that she lead him on and fucked him over, and she said that i couldnt talk to him because of the way he was, just be friends and thats it.
So that night I took her home i came in for a coffee and i stayed the night.
The next morning she said to me even though you stayed over we are not together I need time. OK i said.
So that was last week, i have seen her on monday nad wednesday as i have the kids untill she finishes work. Didint see her on thursday and friday, just a few msgs back anf forth. Took her and the kids out on saturday, for mothers day as i was working. She was really giigly with me and we laughed and joked and i caught her looking at me a certain way, a good way. When we were having food i asked do you want to do something on Wednesday, she said no i dont think we should be spending so much time together, we need space. So went back to the house had a coffee and I told her im confused, that you say you love me and are obviously attracted too me then what stopping us getting back? She said I do love you and yes I am very attracted too you but I just dont know how i actually feel about you. I ended up being a blubbering mess telling her I love her, want her back, it can work. She was crying too and she hugged me and said please dont cry. I told her that i feel as if you want to be with this guy from work as he texts and calls you all the time and she told me she likes him, does not fancy him. She said that he was there to listen to her when the relationship went bad and they have become friends nothing more. So i left even more confused.
I was working all day Sunday so didn't see her, I will see her tonight as i have the kids. Spoke to my son this morning and he told me that they went too see that Sam guy where he lives, and they went out for food. I dont know what to think about that. I understand that he is a friend or does she want more... so confused!!! Its only been a month surely these past 16 years must mean something?, must they? I was going to talk to her and and mention that I think she's right that we do need to have some space, and speak to each other about the kids nothing more. And I will try and not see her.
It's my sons 6th birthday in 3 weeks, so when i see her, what do I do? Obviously be amicable and friendly and be me. Do i ask her then to have a catch up? Or do i wait till the 30 days and send her that letter? Which will be a week later.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Oh by the way I know I don't need her in my life I want her in my life, I have thought about all this and I have been working out too, I've lost a stone :)
Thanks Will
Hi,
I was just wondering which text you think would be better for first contacting an ex: the one where you let them know something reminded you of them, like the book example you had, or where you sneak in a memory of the two of you by asking a question, like the example of a Hawaii vacation you had? I'm just worried that if I send one saying something reminded me of them, my ex might take it as I still love and want them and haven't moved on. Do they tend to work equally well?
Yes, they do. I recommend the "something reminded me of you" text. It conveys that you haven't thought about them for a while.
Yes, they do. I recommend the "something reminded me of you" text. It conveys that you haven't thought about them for a while.
Yes, they do. I recommend the "something reminded me of you" text. It conveys that you haven't thought about them for a while.
Hey Will,
Since she is very warm and very receptive of you, I'll recommend you keep no contact short. Around one or two weeks. Then continue seeing her just don't push her into seeing you too much. And don't act needy at all. Just keep on dating her, going out with her and having a fun time. I think you have a pretty good chance. All the best.
Great thanks, so do you think it'll be wise to give a letter after 2 weeks and go from there?? Or shall I call or msg her see if she wants to meet up??
It's your decision. If you go with the letter, make sure the letter doesn't make it sound like you are moving on. Keep the main message of the letter that you think the breakup was for the best as it gave you time to reflect upon yourself and make changes that you really needed.
It's your decision. If you go with the letter, make sure the letter doesn't make it sound like you are moving on. Keep the main message of the letter that you think the breakup was for the best as it gave you time to reflect upon yourself and make changes that you really needed.
It's your decision. If you go with the letter, make sure the letter doesn't make it sound like you are moving on. Keep the main message of the letter that you think the breakup was for the best as it gave you time to reflect upon yourself and make changes that you really needed.
It's your decision. If you go with the letter, make sure the letter doesn't make it sound like you are moving on. Keep the main message of the letter that you think the breakup was for the best as it gave you time to reflect upon yourself and make changes that you really needed.
Great thanks, so do you think it'll be wise to give a letter after 2 weeks and go from there?? Or shall I call or msg her see if she wants to meet up??
Great thanks, so do you think it'll be wise to give a letter after 2 weeks and go from there?? Or shall I call or msg her see if she wants to meet up??
Hi,
I was just wondering which text you think would be better for first contacting an ex: the one where you let them know something reminded you of them, like the book example you had, or where you sneak in a memory of the two of you by asking a question, like the example of a Hawaii vacation you had? I'm just worried that if I send one saying something reminded me of them, my ex might take it as I still love and want them and haven't moved on. Do they tend to work equally well?
Hey Will,
Since she is very warm and very receptive of you, I'll recommend you keep no contact short. Around one or two weeks. Then continue seeing her just don't push her into seeing you too much. And don't act needy at all. Just keep on dating her, going out with her and having a fun time. I think you have a pretty good chance. All the best.
My guy and I have commitment issues. We have been together almost two years and for the good portion of them we were inseparable (but for a small separation for a couple of weeks). Out of the blue that started to change roughly two months ago when I sensed a change in his behavior and a withdrawal. I could have handled it better but I wasn't overly naggy or needy either. He recently told me doesn't love me anymore but still wanted to maintain a relationship as kind of best buddies (which I suspect means his therapist or fwb worst case scenario, none of which interes me). I refused this and told him it is best to end it since we want different things because my needs are not met in such an arrangement. We have been breaking up for a week (he still calls me and pushes me to stay which I don't get, chase someone to reject them???) I thought I had not gone into full blown NC yet because we had arranged to meet and exchange our stuff so I thought I'd leave a classy impression and freeze him out then but when he took 3 days to answer a legitimate "so which day works best for you" message with a non conclusive "I just saw this, I was out fixing the car." I decided not to answer anything that isn't related to the exchange. Since then I had 3 more messages, none of them worth a reply, none of them suggesting a date, one at 5 am and 2 an hour apart from each other yesterday night. What should I make of it? how should I proceede? What about our stuff? shouldn't that get out of the way before real NC begins? The break was amicable even though I am pretty sure by now he thinks I am angry with him. Thanks a lot for the info by the way. It is a very interesting site
Hey Jane,
If you need the stuff, then sure take it. But if you don't really need it, let it be. If he contacts you regarding the stuff, you can answer him. It doesn't really interfere with NC as long as it's strictly about that.
Hey Jane,
If you need the stuff, then sure take it. But if you don't really need it, let it be. If he contacts you regarding the stuff, you can answer him. It doesn't really interfere with NC as long as it's strictly about that.
I have a question. If we still speak/text to the man daily and we sense we start coming off a bit desperate and cut communication abruptly without announcing to them we are going no contact and without a fight will they not think we are rude when we don't answer them if they begin to call, or that we are playing games?
If that's your concern, you can always let them know that you need some space and time and you will be cutting off communication for a short while.
If that's your concern, you can always let them know that you need some space and time and you will be cutting off communication for a short while.
I was with my girlfriend for 3 years. She had recently been married to a guy because he needed a green card. We are a same sex couple. She said she was more attracted to girls but had never found the right one until me. We dated for a year. We did long distance for the next year and made it. I then moved to her after we had survived the distance. Ever since I moved her she has been distant and saying I'm controlling. Things have gotten bad the last couple of months. We would always say this is the last fight....she says I don't communicate with her and my frustration/anger is through the roof because I just want us fixed. We broke up and four days later I was sleeping in the guest room because we live together and I walked into our room and she was in bed with someone else. I found out she had cheated a month before with the same person. But claims she doesn't like her it just happened. Things are bad we are trying to figure out the lease. I am staying at a friends and I have broke all the above rules. She has told me it will never work she needs someone who will treat her right and make her better. Yet she has never loved anyone as much as me. She had left me before for two months while she figured out her situation. We love each other but I think I looked to change too late. I would do anything for her back. I'm going through all the symptoms you explained. Do you think there's a chance?
I have already told her the changes I was making and she would not give it a chance to see even with time apart before me moving out. She said she is done. I feel helpless! Three years down the drain! Please advise
Telling her you are making changes doesn't really do anything. In fact, it just makes you look needy because it seems you are making changes just to be with her. Like I said, follow the plan. You have a chance. If it doesn't work, then you can be sad about three years going down the drain. Till then, I believe you still have hope.
Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to do the 30 day thing but our lease is the issue. End of April I said I would be out of the house. But my name is tied to lease and she hasn't had luck with a roommate. I have made those stupid mistakes of contacting and going back to our home. Any suggestions to get out of the routine? She thinks I'm selfish right now. I know the plan but is two-three weeks ok because of our situation? I'm sorry I have so many questions. I really appreciate an outsiders point of view and loved the article
Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to do the 30 day thing but our lease is the issue. End of April I said I would be out of the house. But my name is tied to lease and she hasn't had luck with a roommate. I have made those stupid mistakes of contacting and going back to our home. Any suggestions to get out of the routine? She thinks I'm selfish right now. I know the plan but is two-three weeks ok because of our situation? I'm sorry I have so many questions. I really appreciate an outsiders point of view and loved the article
Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to do the 30 day thing but our lease is the issue. End of April I said I would be out of the house. But my name is tied to lease and she hasn't had luck with a roommate. I have made those stupid mistakes of contacting and going back to our home. Any suggestions to get out of the routine? She thinks I'm selfish right now. I know the plan but is two-three weeks ok because of our situation? I'm sorry I have so many questions. I really appreciate an outsiders point of view and loved the article
Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to do the 30 day thing but our lease is the issue. End of April I said I would be out of the house. But my name is tied to lease and she hasn't had luck with a roommate. I have made those stupid mistakes of contacting and going back to our home. Any suggestions to get out of the routine? She thinks I'm selfish right now. I know the plan but is two-three weeks ok because of our situation? I'm sorry I have so many questions. I really appreciate an outsiders point of view and loved the article
Telling her you are making changes doesn't really do anything. In fact, it just makes you look needy because it seems you are making changes just to be with her. Like I said, follow the plan. You have a chance. If it doesn't work, then you can be sad about three years going down the drain. Till then, I believe you still have hope.
Telling her you are making changes doesn't really do anything. In fact, it just makes you look needy because it seems you are making changes just to be with her. Like I said, follow the plan. You have a chance. If it doesn't work, then you can be sad about three years going down the drain. Till then, I believe you still have hope.
I have already told her the changes I was making and she would not give it a chance to see even with time apart before me moving out. She said she is done. I feel helpless! Three years down the drain! Please advise
Hi Kevin,
My ex girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that the "spark" was gone and didn't feel very comfortable/happy with me anymore. It doesn't make much sense to me since she told me that no man has ever treated her as well as I have and that we are just completely different people that don't match well enough together. She did tell me about a week before the breakup that she was starting to feel unhappy and doubting the relationship. I had a long talk with her about it and convinced her that there was still hope and everything would be fine in the long run. She told me she loved me and thought everything would be okay. After that talk, everything seemed great until a week later when she dropped the breakup on me unexpectedly.
It's been a week since the breakup and I am currently in the no contact stage. I will admit that the night of the breakup, I was texting her, begging not to do this and that it would everything would work out. I apologized the next morning but she never replied to any of the messages. I stopped trying to contact her after the apology but I may have already messed up my chances of getting back with her after pleading and begging that night of the breakup. However, I was wondering, what would I have to do if she eventually does try to contact me? And what would I do if she starts to get upset at me for not replying to her calls/texts? Any advice would help. Thank you.
I'll recommend you don't answer her initially. If she continues contacting you, you can answer her and let her know that you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll be happy to call her back when you are ready.
I'll recommend you don't answer her initially. If she continues contacting you, you can answer her and let her know that you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll be happy to call her back when you are ready.
Hey Kevin
Great website, lots of useful information, thanks :) Quick question, curently in 30 days no contact, but it is her birthday in 5 days. Do you think I should send a card or not? Nothing mushy or needy.... just wishing her a happy birthday.
A simple text is a better idea in my opinion. However, I don't see any harm in sending a card as long as it doesn't convey any neediness.
A simple text is a better idea in my opinion. However, I don't see any harm in sending a card as long as it doesn't convey any neediness.
He dumped me a week ago and I cried and begged him to come back but he remained silent. I went silent on him today and he messaged me apologizing for his behaviour in general towards me and wishing me a good life. Do you think he's done with me and should I reply back?
Hi kevin. iv been searching for advice on different sites. talked to friends and family & i always find that the advice i take to heart are the ones from people that have gone through similar things, thats why your page and the comments have been therapeutic.
Ive been with my ex for 3 years. we started dating when i was just coming out of a 10 year relationship, I actually met her a couple of days before. she was the one that somehow help me end my other relationship. although that one had been dead for a long time. it wasn't long before my first ex girlfriend moved on to. we were just hooked on the fact that we had been together since our teens. The ex that just dumped me actually told me then that she didn't mind sharing me with the other one because all the wanted was to be with me.
i was a little bit in denial. i didn't really want a new girlfriend. it was the first time in my life that i was single. i wanted to date meet other girls and do stuff i always thought about doing but couldn't. But i also liked this girl so we were dating but never exclusive. she put up with a lot of stuff during this time, read several Facebook messages between me and other girls etc. when we finally moved in together i told her she was the only one witch she was. she had been very supportive and submissive and actually put up with everything i did. but i knew i loved her. the thing was that i dugg a whole so deep it was hard for me to get out off. i tried i prayed but i couldn't. and this perhaps had a lot to do that she put up with everything. according to her the last fight we had i flirted with a girl when i was drunk witch i actually dont remember doing but i do believe it to be true because she would never lie about it. she broke up with me after a bight fight after that. i moved out but not before begging. she told me she loved me but she couldn't be with me and that i shouldn't fight for her.
so i left her alone for two days. then she called me and wanted to link up. then i left her alone for a couple of days and she called me upp again. i always beg her to take me back and i told her that i know had truly changed. i stopped drinking not because of her but because i want to be a mans that can stand for what i have done. i not have excuses like "i dont remember". she called me when she was drunk but the next day she acted really cold. i waited yet another day and panicked. went over to her place. we talked she was very happy and told me that its strange because when i told her i was outside she was very happy and when we spend time together it feels like we are back together but as soon as i leave she is reminded that she should not be with me. she then told me not to fight for her again. somehow we started hanging out again and we have sleeping in the same bed for almost two weeks. i haven't mentioned anything and neither has she. i have been showing her i want her and i want uss to work. sometimes she says stuff like "it dont matter what anybody els says, if i want to be with you nobody has anything to say about it" and other stuff like that that make me thing we have a future, but then she kills me with another comment that literally kills all my hope. i told her I'm stalling moving back to my apartment from my mothers house ( i rented out my apartment), because then it will officially be over between uss. she replied " what? but you said we could be together but we didn't have to live together". like i said we are spending time together, but she is colder, she is avoiding sex, she is not the caring person she used to be. she sometimes reminds me that when she was the one begging and acting needy she didn't care about it because she loved me. as if she wants me to act like that. my friends says that i should be happy she wants to spend time with me and that begging and being there worked for her because look at me know. that i should just ride it out because its only been a little more then a month and she did this for two years. my sister says that it should take her this long to know what she wants. i dont know what to do because there is some progress in the beginning she didn't want nothing with me and know we are spending time. but i can't help but feel maybe its pity, maybe she is using me to get over me, maybe, she is punishing me. it feels like all we haves are a bunch of maybes and some quality time, but i find myself analyzing everything and she sometimes makes jokes about me analyzing everything. i don't know what i should do when I'm with her I'm strong , but as soon as I'm alone I'm week and i hate this feeling. I'm finally out of the whole that i was and know should be the time that she should give me that honest chance. i was in that hole because of insecurities as a kid and also of that 10 year relationship i was in. please answer me with some advice .
Peter, I guess you can continue being with her for a while but don't keep doing it for too long. You might end up just being friendzoned. If after a few months, she is still indecisive, tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
Peter, I guess you can continue being with her for a while but don't keep doing it for too long. You might end up just being friendzoned. If after a few months, she is still indecisive, tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
Hi Kevin, help, something unexpected happened during NC. I was doing well for a week of NC, didnt respond to his texts/emails/calls and he was going crazy. And then suddenly on Day 8 of NC he appeared at my office! He managed to get pass our security and front desk saying he had a delivery for me! When I saw him I didnt wanna make a scene at work so I took him in and had to talk to him, and I agreed to meet him after work. I'm disappointed at myself, I tried to stay firm when we met after work and all the feelings i had for him are still strong. So I told him I miss him when he said he couldnt believe I could ignore him like that. And we hugged and kissed. Now Im afraid that I just gave him an ego boost and that he is gonna be cold towards me, and see me as needy cos he got me again now, all those strength I showed during NC is just gonna be... wasted effort. What should I do now? Obviously he "hijacked" my NC. I am still weak emotionally obviously. To be honest I felt in control during NC and now I felt I lost it. Help.
It's OK. Don't worry about it. Continue no contact again. This time if he contacts you, just tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he understand. Then follow the rest of the 5 step plan.
It's OK. Don't worry about it. Continue no contact again. This time if he contacts you, just tell him that you need some space and time and you'll appreciate it if he understand. Then follow the rest of the 5 step plan.
My ex broke up with me a few days ago..im so love sick i cant do nothing besides lay in bed and cry...the last conversation we had was him telling me to leave him alone and that all his feelins for me were gone and that he lost all respect for me...im so in love with him... I have to get him back..i honestly cant see myself without him...what should i do?
Follow the advise in the article. You will start feeling better with time. All the best.
Follow the advise in the article. You will start feeling better with time. All the best.
Hi Kevin,
Your site is definitely helping me try to get through this, so thanks! I wanted to get your take on my situation, and see if you think I have a chance. Me and my ex were together for 8 months. We broke up about a month ago for the first time. She didn't think I was ready to deal with her kids, and honestly, neither did I. It scared the hell out of me. Plus I made a bad mistake the day I was supposed to meet one of her kids. So she ended it. Let's just say I have a tendency to do stupid things and realize what I've done right after. Something I'm trying to work on.
Anyway, after giving it a lot of deep thought for days on end, I realized how much I loved her, and that I was ready to accept her kids into my life. So I chased after her, wrote letters, did everything I could, and explained to her that I loved her and was ready to accept her kids in my life, I finally got her to come back about a week later. The following few weeks seemed to be going really well. We were getting along good, and so was I and her kids. I was even starting to really get attached. So as far as the kid situation was concerned, I'm pretty sure I fixed it.
Then last week we were hanging out and I did another stupid thing. I wasn't paying attention to some stuff she was trying to show me that was important to her. I had some work I needed to do because I'm concerned about my job security. So all I could think about was my work, and I ended up coming across like an asshole that didn't want to see her important items, which I acknowledge. I immediately started apologizing right after I knew she was upset. I told her I wanted to see her stuff, but she was trying to show me at a very bad time. But I knew the damage was done.
Everything seemed to be ok the rest of the night, I slept at her house and when I left for work in the morning she was hugging me, kissing me, and telling me she loved me right before I left. Even telling me she loved me as we were laying in bed in the morning.
So fast forward a few hours. She ends up breaking up with me for a few things, including what happened the night before, and my bad communication. She told me she loves me but she has been on the fence, and I didn't do enough to keep her. She also told me not to chase her or plead with her, and that she will not change her mind this time. That I have a lot of great qualities, but her mind was made up before, and she tried to stay.
The next day there wasn't really much more I could say than what I said when we talked, and in previous letters when we first broke up, considering it was only about a month earlier. So I ended up sending her a goodbye email and telling her to come back if she loves me and can accept my faults (which everyone has, and I've been trying to work on), among a lot of other stuff.
It's been about 5 days, and I haven't heard anything from her. I have a feeling she is already dating someone. When we first broke up, she went on an online dating site almost immediately, and she told me she gave her number to some guy during that period. When we got back together she told me she stopped contact but who knows. I asked her not to go on the site so fast this time when we broke up because it hurt a lot. And she's not on there, so I don't know what her reason is. Could be she's with someone, could be she's respecting my wishes. Although I have seen her on there on this fake weird profile she has, not sure what she's looking at, my thoughts can only assume it's another guy.
I love this girl a lot, and I want her in my life. Do you think I still have a chance? Does the fact that she told me that she won't change her mind this time really mean she's done? Thanks for any advice.
Yes, you do have a chance. A lot of people change their mind after a while. This is what this plan is about. To help them change their mind. All the best.
Yes, you do have a chance. A lot of people change their mind after a while. This is what this plan is about. To help them change their mind. All the best.
Dated a guy briefly that I met online, we are late 40's/early 50's...we really hit it off but he stopped contact after 5 dates. I was disappointed and let him got but then I contacted him two months later and he responded right away, we started up again. I hate to admit that I was mostly the pursuer for the next few months. Long story but I kind of gave up and a month after our last contact, he emailed me inviting me to something the next night. Since I hadn't talked to him in a month, it seemed like he was just looking for a warm body to accompany him. I also did not want to appear too eager so I waited until the next day to respond.
When I responded he said he had been checking his email/phone until late that night and when he did not hear from me, he had asked someone else to go. He said we'd have to try for another time. I just never responded to that. That was the last time I heard from him.
I have tried dating other people but haven't met anyone and think about him daily. Our last physical contact was 8 months ago, and our last contact was 5 months ago. I was thinking of dropping him a casual email but I'm afraid it will set me back if he doesn't suggest seeing me. What do you think?
I think you should contact him. Don't suggest meeting him straight away. Just text him casually first to test the waters.
Thanks Kevin,
Funny, you're the only one who thinks I should contact him. Most people who know me say that if the cared he would never let me get away. He would never let 5 -8 months go by without checking in so he could make sure no other man would get me. This is why I haven't contacted him. Because I was the one pursuing him before, and when I put him to the test (by not replying to an email where he quickly replaced me with someone else) he went AWOL.
I think I posted here because you'd give me "permission" to write to him. ;-) I had a feeling you'd suggest contacting him. I still obviously have feelings for him so I'm worried that by contacting him after all that time, I'll have a set back in "getting over him". Yet obviously, I WANT to take this risk, even though it may not be in my best interest. Ya know? What do you think. Thanks again…!
Well Susan, if you are on this website, I assumed you are not over him. Contacting him and trying to get him back one more time might just be the closure you need to get over him. So why not go for it? You don't really have anything to lose.
Thanks Kevin. I just sent him an email, after no contact for 6 months. I realized that I'm giving him way too much power over me and there is nothing wrong with dropping him a friendly line. Yeah, some icky stuff went down but it was so long ago….I want to open up a friendly line of communication. We'll see if he responds…either way, I feel quite relaxed. I did what I wanted to do, because I'm an adult and it's allowed! Truthfully, I feel relieved. I have been fighting this urge for a long time.
And seriously, as you pointed out, what is the worse thing that could happen? The worse thing is that he doesn't respond - at all. But even that can't really hurt me at this point, I don't think anyway! As long as I don't give him THAT kind of power over me. Thanks….
Thanks Kevin. I just sent him an email, after no contact for 6 months. I realized that I'm giving him way too much power over me and there is nothing wrong with dropping him a friendly line. Yeah, some icky stuff went down but it was so long ago….I want to open up a friendly line of communication. We'll see if he responds…either way, I feel quite relaxed. I did what I wanted to do, because I'm an adult and it's allowed! Truthfully, I feel relieved. I have been fighting this urge for a long time.
And seriously, as you pointed out, what is the worse thing that could happen? The worse thing is that he doesn't respond - at all. But even that can't really hurt me at this point, I don't think anyway! As long as I don't give him THAT kind of power over me. Thanks….
Thanks Kevin. I just sent him an email, after no contact for 6 months. I realized that I'm giving him way too much power over me and there is nothing wrong with dropping him a friendly line. Yeah, some icky stuff went down but it was so long ago….I want to open up a friendly line of communication. We'll see if he responds…either way, I feel quite relaxed. I did what I wanted to do, because I'm an adult and it's allowed! Truthfully, I feel relieved. I have been fighting this urge for a long time.
And seriously, as you pointed out, what is the worse thing that could happen? The worse thing is that he doesn't respond - at all. But even that can't really hurt me at this point, I don't think anyway! As long as I don't give him THAT kind of power over me. Thanks….
Thanks Kevin. I just sent him an email, after no contact for 6 months. I realized that I'm giving him way too much power over me and there is nothing wrong with dropping him a friendly line. Yeah, some icky stuff went down but it was so long ago….I want to open up a friendly line of communication. We'll see if he responds…either way, I feel quite relaxed. I did what I wanted to do, because I'm an adult and it's allowed! Truthfully, I feel relieved. I have been fighting this urge for a long time.
And seriously, as you pointed out, what is the worse thing that could happen? The worse thing is that he doesn't respond - at all. But even that can't really hurt me at this point, I don't think anyway! As long as I don't give him THAT kind of power over me. Thanks….
Thanks Kevin. I just sent him an email, after no contact for 6 months. I realized that I'm giving him way too much power over me and there is nothing wrong with dropping him a friendly line. Yeah, some icky stuff went down but it was so long ago….I want to open up a friendly line of communication. We'll see if he responds…either way, I feel quite relaxed. I did what I wanted to do, because I'm an adult and it's allowed! Truthfully, I feel relieved. I have been fighting this urge for a long time.
And seriously, as you pointed out, what is the worse thing that could happen? The worse thing is that he doesn't respond - at all. But even that can't really hurt me at this point, I don't think anyway! As long as I don't give him THAT kind of power over me. Thanks….
Well Susan, if you are on this website, I assumed you are not over him. Contacting him and trying to get him back one more time might just be the closure you need to get over him. So why not go for it? You don't really have anything to lose.
Well Susan, if you are on this website, I assumed you are not over him. Contacting him and trying to get him back one more time might just be the closure you need to get over him. So why not go for it? You don't really have anything to lose.
Well Susan, if you are on this website, I assumed you are not over him. Contacting him and trying to get him back one more time might just be the closure you need to get over him. So why not go for it? You don't really have anything to lose.
Thanks Kevin,
Funny, you're the only one who thinks I should contact him. Most people who know me say that if the cared he would never let me get away. He would never let 5 -8 months go by without checking in so he could make sure no other man would get me. This is why I haven't contacted him. Because I was the one pursuing him before, and when I put him to the test (by not replying to an email where he quickly replaced me with someone else) he went AWOL.
I think I posted here because you'd give me "permission" to write to him. ;-) I had a feeling you'd suggest contacting him. I still obviously have feelings for him so I'm worried that by contacting him after all that time, I'll have a set back in "getting over him". Yet obviously, I WANT to take this risk, even though it may not be in my best interest. Ya know? What do you think. Thanks again…!
Thanks Kevin,
Funny, you're the only one who thinks I should contact him. Most people who know me say that if the cared he would never let me get away. He would never let 5 -8 months go by without checking in so he could make sure no other man would get me. This is why I haven't contacted him. Because I was the one pursuing him before, and when I put him to the test (by not replying to an email where he quickly replaced me with someone else) he went AWOL.
I think I posted here because you'd give me "permission" to write to him. ;-) I had a feeling you'd suggest contacting him. I still obviously have feelings for him so I'm worried that by contacting him after all that time, I'll have a set back in "getting over him". Yet obviously, I WANT to take this risk, even though it may not be in my best interest. Ya know? What do you think. Thanks again…!
I think you should contact him. Don't suggest meeting him straight away. Just text him casually first to test the waters.
Hey Kevin
My boyfriend and I of 3 years recently broke up. Our relationship was really good until the last 6 months. I moved to another state because I got a job and then things turned for the worst because I ended up hating my job not making new friends a loved one close to me passed found out a parent was unfaithful and ended up dealing with a stalker all in the past 6 months back to back. This being said I was going through a mini depression and I was always unhappy and he began distancing him self from until finally there was no communication at all. I was upset that he wasn't there for me the way I was there for him so I told him we should take a break. He didn't even debate about it with me he just agreed. I felt like I was always frustrating and irritating and I wanted to give him time to miss me. For 3 weeks I went without contacting him until a friend screenshot a pic of him with a new girlfriend. I became very furious and I lashed out on instagram calling him a cheater and all my friends backed me up. Of course he denied it even thoug there was proof. The next day I reflected on the decision to call him out on social media and I felt terrible about it so I deleted it. Although he has moved on I still care bc i was invested in this relationship for 3 years. do you think it would still be possible for us to make it work in the future or did I cross the line of no return?
me and this guy have been "talking" for 2 years and have dealt with a lot of communication issues that we've gotten past as well as at some points there was bad timing on my part. recently we had sex and he told me he loved me that night before it happened and again a few days later but because my schedule is so full and i never have anyone to watch my son, i cant spend time with him the with him the way that i would like to (well that was before) i recently put him in daycare however we had a conversation about a month ago and he was telling me how i just need to work on being more open or that we would always have problems and i completely understood and things were fine a few days later i wanted to talk to him and ask him about something (that i cant remember) but he mentioned that i usually asks things i should already know the answer to so i told him i wouldnt bother trying anymore because its hard to have rational conversation with him (which it is on occasion) anyway not thinking and only joking because i do like/love him a lot i said out of anger i guess that i only deal with him and his irrational attitude because his d**k is good and he responded by saying "wow,...u win" and ever since has been real distant, we made plans to hang out like a week later, he blew em off and told me its nothing and wont be nothing, i was upset so i didnt say anything for a like a week and then i hit him up several times and he didnt respond and when he eventually did he said "bitch stop writing me" and all i said was wow okay....fast forward 2 weeks and i text him after really thinking about what couldve been wrong and apologized and he told me that there are a lot of bitches that like wtf did i think and i said im sure there are but is the chemistry the same, he said better. i've been so emotional since he said it and idk if it was out of anger or that maybe hes mad still about what i said its been a few days since that conversation and i'm just curious as to whether or not i just move on or let him cool down and then try to talk to him again because i dont understand why the chemistry is so much better with them why even invest 2 years or any time? hes said things that have hurt me i've forgiven him, more than once so i dont get why he cant let this one time go..
thanks in advance
Hey,
I think he is being extremely disrespectful to you. You already apologized for what you said. I guess the best thing for you to do is to wait it out. If he is still the same after a month, then you should move on.
I kinda feel like he's talking to someone else anyway but because I know people don't just get over people that quick I ant wrap my head around why he's doing it when I've forgiven for saying stupid things as well.. Is pride that effective or is he just being a douche?
The last time something happened he came back around like 6 months later and I don't think I'm willing to wait that long..
If he broke up with you, he has all the right in the world to talk to anyone he wants. He is not really dong anything wrong.
If he broke up with you, he has all the right in the world to talk to anyone he wants. He is not really dong anything wrong.
If he broke up with you, he has all the right in the world to talk to anyone he wants. He is not really dong anything wrong.
If he broke up with you, he has all the right in the world to talk to anyone he wants. He is not really dong anything wrong.
I kinda feel like he's talking to someone else anyway but because I know people don't just get over people that quick I ant wrap my head around why he's doing it when I've forgiven for saying stupid things as well.. Is pride that effective or is he just being a douche?
The last time something happened he came back around like 6 months later and I don't think I'm willing to wait that long..
I kinda feel like he's talking to someone else anyway but because I know people don't just get over people that quick I ant wrap my head around why he's doing it when I've forgiven for saying stupid things as well.. Is pride that effective or is he just being a douche?
The last time something happened he came back around like 6 months later and I don't think I'm willing to wait that long..
Hey,
I think he is being extremely disrespectful to you. You already apologized for what you said. I guess the best thing for you to do is to wait it out. If he is still the same after a month, then you should move on.
me and my boyfriend broke up 2 months ago after 10 months. we had such a great relationship and eventually he told me he started to feel like he couldn't make me happy and was letting me down because of how busy he was getting. i know our love was genuine and he didn't want to hurt me. but he did of course.. because i was upset he felt the need to break up. i think it got to be too much for him. after we broke up about 2 weeks after he called me and he missed me. we had been in contact until yesterday. i had to stop conversation because it was getting too hard since he still didn't want to be in a relationship and i did, so i did whats best for me. he shows that he cares by his emotions and anger and is pushing and pulling. we always had a very close relationship, i think it is still there. do we just need time away from each other for a while? i will stop all conversation and see what happens. i still have feelings and love for him... what do you think?
Yes, I think you do need time away from each other.
Yes, I think you do need time away from each other.
HI,
My boyfriend and I for 6 months just recently broke up. He said that I changed and he is unhappy. He said my attitude, negativity and assuming everything irritates him. He said he still loves me, cares, needs and wants me in his life, but he doesn't have time for my needs anymore because he wants to focus on his career. Also, that there is no someone else. And just want to be friends.
When we met, his ex fiance cheated on him and got married with another guy. He got homeless and none of his friends was there to help, but me. I was there for him, invited him to my apartment to stay through out til he got a job. Since, he got a job things have changed. He moved out. I know that i was at fault too demanding time, always texting him. When we get into a fight, I always end up crying begging him to stay.
Our last fight is when I texted him that he needs to stop treating me as an option because I do not deserve to be treated that way. He just text or call me when he needs me to get something done for him or take care of his daughter. I take care of his daughter every Sunday-Monday and they come to my place to play with my son as well.
That day, he said he is done, but he texted me and said that he needed a ride to my house because he needs to pick up his motorcycle. And i did.
I spoke with him and asked him if he is serious about he told me that he is done with us. He said he have tried his best to save the relationship ( i feel that he did not), but he just do not want any relationship right now because he needs to focus on his career. I asked him why is he doing this to me after everything I have done for him. He said it is clear that our wants are different from each other. Then we argued. After we argued, he asked to have a little dinner before we part. It was so hurtful seeing him so calm and looks happy like nothing happened. He said that on his bday he wanted me to be there for him for his party because I am important to him. I replied what for? Then he just went silent and just went on texting. That same night I told him that I might be pregnant. Then he said, you telling me you are pregnant will not make me commit. I told him I am not telling him to commit, I am just telling him there is a possibility. Then he became something I did not see. He started saying that if ever I am, he does not want it and that will ruin his life and his daughters life. That he will need to go out of the country. I was shattered by his words. Thinking, did I date a monster? Was i in love with a monster? But then I txt him back letting him know that inspite of him treating me like I am nothing, I still love him. He replied back: I love you too.
After that I told him once more that I made plans for us, so that our relationship would work, but its too late now since he already broke up with me and there is no chance for us to be together again. He said, how do i know that we will not be together again? He said that I need to find myself first, get a better career, then maybe we can be in each other arms again. For me, if he is not there to love me at my worst(like i loved him), then he does not deserve me at my best.
I deleted his number on my phone, but we are still friends on facebook and through a game that we played together before. He has still stuff at my house he needs to pick up, but he has not contacted me yet since the last time we spoke, which is 3-4 days ago. Should i text him and say he needs to pick up his stuff? Or should I wait for him to contact me til his ready to pick it up? Also, do i need to delete him as a friend on my facebook? His birthday is coming up. which is April 12. He wanted me to go. Should I go or not? Please advise.
If you find yourself constantly checking his profile on facebook, then delete him. Don't text him, let him contact you. If by April 12th, you feel happy and confident enough to see him, then go ahead. However, I don't think you will be ready at that time, so it'll be a better idea to just text him happy birthday and leave it at that.
If you find yourself constantly checking his profile on facebook, then delete him. Don't text him, let him contact you. If by April 12th, you feel happy and confident enough to see him, then go ahead. However, I don't think you will be ready at that time, so it'll be a better idea to just text him happy birthday and leave it at that.
Hey, my boyfriend broke up with me two days ago. We got into a fight about something really small, he freaked out and said we would talk in the morning. The next day the moment I see him he starts crying saying that I am an amazing person, that I care so much about him, that he doesn't want to hurt me, but he just doesn't have those same feelings anymore. He said that he had been feeling that way for a month but just kept trying to see if things would change, even though he seemed perfectly loving. During our relationship he mentioned many things like how i nagged and complained all the time, how i was too insecure etc. but I never really did anything to change that. I had texted him the next day saying how much he meant to me and how crazy this whole breakup seemed. He agreed and said that he didn't want me to text him anymore because it just "made his heart sink into his stomach." He said he needed space so that we could be friends later. I feel now like there is really no hope for us. I just wanted to see what you thought.
There is hope. Follow the advise in the article.
There is hope. Follow the advise in the article.
Hi. My girlfriend dumped me almost 3 months ago. I met her last summer and on the second week we hooked up. she lives in europe and i in the usa. we skyped for four months everyday and were getting real serious talking marriage etc. I went to europe during christmas to visit her. i met her family and the first week they loved me. Then I met the uncle and her parents changed towards me. she is 30 years old. I remember her grandma told me twice she doesnt think there gonna let her come to america for good. Her uncle came up with a lot of excuses about our relationship. he told her skype isnt a relationship and your parents and family plus friends are here. america is too far and he told her u hardly speak good english and what are you gonna do there? here you have a good job etc. I told her uncle that i can move there and he brought up excuses about that saying theres no future here for you etc. she was supposed to come to the usa for two weeks with me but she didnt come. then in january when i came back to usa she dumped me via email. she was like at first she has feelings for me but she was expecting more and its above her but we should break up. then she tells me the truth is her parents dont want me and she cant cross them cause she gave them problems in the past and her ex husband wouldnt allow her to talk to her parents. I was talking to her a lot after the break up and then i started to cut back. now i havent spoken to her in three weeks and she hasnt called me either. what should i do? i love her and we never fought or not have things in common. so i dont know why she left me except for what i witnessed with her family.
Hey John,
I'll be honest, your chances are slim. Unless she is willing to go against her parents, there is nothing you can do. I guess the best course of action is to give her some time (around 30 days), contact her and if she hasn't change her mind till then, let it go.
Hey John,
I'll be honest, your chances are slim. Unless she is willing to go against her parents, there is nothing you can do. I guess the best course of action is to give her some time (around 30 days), contact her and if she hasn't change her mind till then, let it go.
Hey Kevin,
You're a legend. Obviously most of this stuff is emotional and requires being strong and not giving in. I've read most of these comments and can't seem to find much in relation to my specific situation. Me and my gf/ex-gf have been together 3 years and she has recently been going through a lot of change (her starting university, meeting new friends and cutting her full time work to part time) so if I think logically I'm sure her breaking up with me is in part to do with her lifestyle change. However, we are living together and neither of us can really financially take the step of moving out (there are pets involved also). What is your advice on the NC aspect while living together (we only have one bed etc)? Do you suggest just trying to do my own thing and maybe spending more time out of the house/not acknowledging the fact that she's at home and leaving her to do her own thing?
Thanks for your time bro and I look forward to your response.
Hey Jason.
Thanks for your comment and your kind words. I have written about living together in this article.
Hey Jason.
Thanks for your comment and your kind words. I have written about living together in this article.
Hi Kevin, thank you so much for your articles they really helped me a lot. I was with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and we were on and off frequently. Every time we fight is about that he doesn't want to commit and start a family and that he is not there for me whenever I needed him. I initiate the break up every time and then get him back after one or two weeks. But three weeks ago after I broke up with him he didn't come back. He told me that he is seeing a woman that he has been friends with for 4 years and she lives in CA and he plans to move there with her. I cried and begged and even threatened to kill myself but he just didn't want me back and not talking to me at all.
Just three days ago, I started the no contact rule. I was planning to not contact him for 4 months and work on improving myself in the meantime. I am really hurt and sad and still loves him. What else can I do? I was his first girlfriend and I suspect that he just wanted to try other women. I asked him if he loves her more than me and he didn't answer.
Hey Mae,
You have a good plan. Unfortunately, there is nothing else you can do at this point. Since it was your first relationship, I'll suggest you go on at least a few dates during these 4 months.
Hey Mae,
You have a good plan. Unfortunately, there is nothing else you can do at this point. Since it was your first relationship, I'll suggest you go on at least a few dates during these 4 months.
Hi Kevin , does my ex hate me that much now?
We dated for 1.5 yrs. I'm 24 and he's turning 28 soon. For the middle of the year, we were separated yet we continued talking and lead to starting over. We broke up again cause I jokingly indicated that he was lying as previously indicated in my last comment. I tried following your NC rule and I was okay. Until I thought I was over him to okay with being friends. When I messaged him, he said maybe we will talk later and needs space - maybe a few months. I left him be but my curiosity is killing me I asked again how long and no reply. I continued and he said he's not attracted to me anymore. Okay, then he said he's remaining silent since my replies outweigh his answers. I apologized numerous times for calling him a liar and bothering him, but I never got a reply back. He blocked me from twitter and google chat. I care about him so much. Why can't he be straightforward to telling me again stop. Or something. But he's not saying anything and I look crazy.
Start no contact again and this time make it at least 2 months.
I'm terrible at this. I keep having to restart NC. It's finally been one week and I haven't messaged him anything - will strive for NC for 2 months like you told me to. I'm really scared he will never speak to me again, he never blocked me off everything.. two months passed, 1 month of him stopped speaking to me and 1 week for me of stoppage from contacting him. I realize my messaging was getting too much. My final note was if he wants me to hate him and not care about him anymore then I will. I never said anything back. He did "seen" my message a few days afterwards. I really wish he will talk to me again, but I'm just so scared he won't.
I'm terrible at this. I keep having to restart NC. It's finally been one week and I haven't messaged him anything - will strive for NC for 2 months like you told me to. I'm really scared he will never speak to me again, he never blocked me off everything.. two months passed, 1 month of him stopped speaking to me and 1 week for me of stoppage from contacting him. I realize my messaging was getting too much. My final note was if he wants me to hate him and not care about him anymore then I will. I never said anything back. He did "seen" my message a few days afterwards. I really wish he will talk to me again, but I'm just so scared he won't.
I'm terrible at this. I keep having to restart NC. It's finally been one week and I haven't messaged him anything - will strive for NC for 2 months like you told me to. I'm really scared he will never speak to me again, he never blocked me off everything.. two months passed, 1 month of him stopped speaking to me and 1 week for me of stoppage from contacting him. I realize my messaging was getting too much. My final note was if he wants me to hate him and not care about him anymore then I will. I never said anything back. He did "seen" my message a few days afterwards. I really wish he will talk to me again, but I'm just so scared he won't.
Start no contact again and this time make it at least 2 months.
whats up kevin
me and my baby mother have been broken up for about three months now and I know the reason why we broke up is because I made some foolish mistakes I love her a lot because not only is she the mother of my first child but shes the first female I really caught feeling for and truly love ive been texting her and calling her to take me back telling her ive changed and that I really love her and things could be different then they were but she tells me she hates me that we are never gonna be a family again and that she doesn't love me anymore to me I think shes saying that because of the situation that's going on between us and the hate she has towards me rite now but I really want to get her back and be a family with her and our daughter idk what I should do I try not to contact her but every time I speak to my daughter I catch myself wanting to talk to her and all the feelings come right back im wondering what should I do??
Follow the 5 step plan Alex.
Follow the 5 step plan Alex.
My ex of more than 3 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We've been a sort of long distance relationship the whole time but made it work and saw eachother every week and went on trips frequently. We were happy and in love. He's a great genuine guy to everyone he meets.Everything was great as far as I knew. Minus the problems that came from being away from eachother. So he told me that it simply wasn't our time, that there was just no light at the end of the tunnel, that he still loves me and cares about me. But needed his space and didn't wanna be with me because he wasn't content? I begged and cried of course for the last three weeks and nothing. Doesn't even seen like he's bothered but will check up on me to see if I'm okay. I just can't match up how our love was and te man I thought he was to what he's doing now. I thought that if you really loved someone distance or whatever else didn't matter. Do I still have a chance? Trying the 30 day no contact now. Will he wanna get back together with me? What do I do.
Yes, you do have a chance. If you've read the 5 step plan, you already know what to do. All the best.
Yes, you do have a chance. If you've read the 5 step plan, you already know what to do. All the best.
He dumped me yesterday...We were in a distance relationship from last 4/5 years.I was friendship at first,then we started flirting.Physical attraction was there from the 1st day.We used to have lots of phone sex.Whenever he was in my town,I was well informed even at time he couldnt meet me due to his tight schedule.So,I can say insptite of the distance there was a connection.Things were getting closer gradually & eventually.We started caring for each other,being protective & even getting jealous streaks.I was opening up with my feelings & he would reciprocate.But he seldom used to express his emotions which used to haunt me..but his actions used to do the work.In between we had been intimate physically 3/4 time when he came to town,but no sex since he said he doesnt want to exploit me.And as it is ,in India our society is still a bit conservative.
But yesterday,we had been chatting throughout the day,evening he told me that we probably should stop & be just friends as he is not sure about me still.I took it cooly as i didnt want to appear desperate & whiny.
Tell me what to do next?
Apply no contact for 30 days and then contact him using the methods described in the 5 step plan.
Apply no contact for 30 days and then contact him using the methods described in the 5 step plan.
Hi, Kevin
This is my story; I met my girlfriend after she just got out of a five year relationship (two married) and they together have a child. We started hanging out and it gradually became something incredibly meaningful. Then one day she woke up and told me she didn't know what she wanted and seperated from each other for about a week and a half. I gave her the space she needed, and then after that short period she realized she missed me and I took her back. We then started getting more serious in our relationship even to the point of moving in with her and her child. Everything was great until, again, she got scared and left me again. She told me and her friends and family that I'm exactly what she sees in her future and wants to be with me, but she's just not ready for anything serious. She doesn't know what she wants. I understand it's because of her recent divorce and she doesn't know how to cope, and no I don't think she wants her husband back because he's with somebody else. She hasn't had time to do anything she wanted for a long time, being by herself and she wishes she was ready with me. I have done my best to give her the space she needs, as I want her to be happy and also be with me. Two times is hard enough on me, but those things of still feeling everything will be okay are still there, hope I guess. I know she still loves me. I just want to know should I still follow the plan???
I'm in your same exact boat starting yesterday.
I feel for you! Good luck!!
Yes, you should.
I'm in your same exact boat starting yesterday.
I feel for you! Good luck!!
Yes, you should.
Hello KEVIN,
My story is that i and my boyfriend were in a relationship for a year as we were school friends. He was very caring but he also wanted that i do ways according to him like not putting the status on social sites and tell him everything where i am going. One day it happened that i was very upset and so i put the facebook status and when he seen it he got very angry and he said he does not want to talk to me. After much apologizing he excused me. Another incident happen that when he went with his friends outdoor he bought a gift and other things. But after coming he had committed me that he will meet me and that particular day i was waiting for him he did not turn I called him up and i was very upset and i shouted at him. He did not spoke a word. After that day his calling and messaging has stopped at all only when i call or text him he replies otherwise he does not respond to me at all. I know i am short tempered but i tell him that his avoidance behaviour makes me feel ignored. I now see him online on sites but he does not even reply to me at all. It looks like we are strangers. I feel very hurt. I was the person who loved him cared for him more than anyone else and supported him like a wife. I never allowed that he should adjust i always took the step. Now everyday i message him good night he mesg me good nyt but he does not sleep i watch him he is online late night and he does not know as i be invisible. I am scared is he in love with some other girl. The gift what he bought for me i did not get only. I am shattered kevin i dont know what to do. Shall i start the No Contact rule or is he gone ahead in life.. Please help me kevin i really need a reply from you. i LOVE HIM LOTS as we were in a relationship like husband and wife. How can he forget in a year and go ahead. Please help me.
Regards
Cindy
Follow the 5 step plan Cindy. I don't think he forgot you. It's possible he has feelings for some other girl but it doesn't mean he doesn't have any feelings for you.
Thanks kevin i will follow your advice. Whenever i used to ask my boyfriend why your online late night he used to say that he is chatting with his office colleagues or just reading the text come from his group. Now the issue is even he has his girlfriend he is not telling me. He always say if you dont trust me its better you dont talk. So i stopped doubting him but whenever i see him online i get very upset. Last night his grandmom expired he had texted me i replied him. He said thanx. He never called me from past two months only texted me when he remember me once in a blue moon but he never asked me how i am and how is everything going on. Its so bad whom you love that person may be or may not be in another relationship and does not share any of his problems neither happiness with you. i am totally aware whats happening in his life and he is also not trying to find out whats happening in my life. I really hope your advice works. I am just upset as my birthday is approaching and i wish something good from his part.
Regards
Cindy Dsouza
sorry for the trouble but actually i am confused according to NC rule it says no contacts then how posting my update photos on facebook is allowed. Could you please explain me. I posted as you said but every week its fine i post my photos on facebook and not answer his call or text.
Hi Kevin,
My birthday was on 18 april and he came suprisingly at my house to take me out. He said my best friend is not well and could not contact me so he came personally to pick me up. I was shocked and without thinking I left out with him.He took me to his friends place where he had arranged a surprise birthday party for me. He hugged me as if nothing happen between us. He also threw party for his friends on my behalf. I was quiet. My boyfriend told me when we were alone that he cant give me birthday gift now as he has ordered and made the gift for me but he is waiting for the right time to give. I said its ok no problem. All friends were telling him that why he did not give me gift. He was sitting quiet . He did not wish me 12 at nyt he wished me in the morning as he went to sleep at nyt before going to work he texted me with lots of xxx000 symbols. One more incident happened on my birthday his friends were showing girls photos and telling me that this girl is he having crush . My boyfriend became nervous he said its nothing like that and just they are friends. I said its fine i have no problem. I had worn one frock which was short and stockings he was trying to convince his friends that not to make plan out in any public place as i had worn short dress but they were not hearing. So finally we went to a public place. He was worried as all were looking at me and he was getting angry on his friends. Whenever we all were walking he used to tell me to be between them so that no one does anything to me. He was more feeling insecure. When my hair was coming front he was putting it back in front of his friends and when on my ring a small insect was sitting he was blowing it. Kevin I really dont understand what he wants. In the car he took me near him and kissed me on my forehead and after my birthday he is now quite not online talking with me and called me .Why is he behaving like this. Sometimes he shows so much love and sometimes he is like a stranger. On my birthday i felt as if nothing happened between us. But yes one thing i noticed he always used to talk with his friends about his work and i used to feel bored. Even when we sat in the car friends wanted to hear music and he told them that the music what i will play will not be understood by me. I felt somewhere insulted he cares loves and insults. Kevin what do you think after hearing this what will be in his mind.
Regards
Cindy
I think it was just part of his hot and cold behavior. From your past comments, I don't think you've applied no contact rule till now, so in my opinion, you should do it.
I think it was just part of his hot and cold behavior. From your past comments, I don't think you've applied no contact rule till now, so in my opinion, you should do it.
I think it was just part of his hot and cold behavior. From your past comments, I don't think you've applied no contact rule till now, so in my opinion, you should do it.
I think it was just part of his hot and cold behavior. From your past comments, I don't think you've applied no contact rule till now, so in my opinion, you should do it.
I think it was just part of his hot and cold behavior. From your past comments, I don't think you've applied no contact rule till now, so in my opinion, you should do it.
I think it was just part of his hot and cold behavior. From your past comments, I don't think you've applied no contact rule till now, so in my opinion, you should do it.
hi kevin,
My bday my boyfriend did not call me up and wish me at 12 i expected that he will call me and wish me . I am really hurt
Hey Cindy,
I am sorry he didn't call you. But understand, that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you. Perhaps, he wanted to avoid a conversation with you because your last interaction with him was needy. I think you should start no contact and learn to be happy in your life without him before contacting him again.
PS: Happy Birthday!!
Hey Cindy,
I am sorry he didn't call you. But understand, that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you. Perhaps, he wanted to avoid a conversation with you because your last interaction with him was needy. I think you should start no contact and learn to be happy in your life without him before contacting him again.
PS: Happy Birthday!!
Hey Cindy,
I am sorry he didn't call you. But understand, that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you. Perhaps, he wanted to avoid a conversation with you because your last interaction with him was needy. I think you should start no contact and learn to be happy in your life without him before contacting him again.
PS: Happy Birthday!!
Hey Cindy,
I am sorry he didn't call you. But understand, that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you. Perhaps, he wanted to avoid a conversation with you because your last interaction with him was needy. I think you should start no contact and learn to be happy in your life without him before contacting him again.
PS: Happy Birthday!!
Hey Cindy,
I am sorry he didn't call you. But understand, that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you. Perhaps, he wanted to avoid a conversation with you because your last interaction with him was needy. I think you should start no contact and learn to be happy in your life without him before contacting him again.
PS: Happy Birthday!!
Hey Cindy,
I am sorry he didn't call you. But understand, that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you. Perhaps, he wanted to avoid a conversation with you because your last interaction with him was needy. I think you should start no contact and learn to be happy in your life without him before contacting him again.
PS: Happy Birthday!!
hi kevin,
A new climax started last night i messaged him on facebook message i was getting an award today and my career came up only due to his support. So i messaged him saying thanks for his love and care. I did mistakes but he kept on ignoring. I also told him it was strange that after so many years of schooling destiny made us to meet and fall in love and reminded him about the past memories. I always dreamt that if i get an award i wished my boyfriend to be side of me and i say yes i m here coz of him. But he did not reply anything not even congragulation. He just updated his profile and cover photo in facebook and liked some photographs of others and went offline. Kevin i felt heavy stone in me as if it destroyed me. Tears came out missed him so much that the feeling could not get controlled. I only want to know the reason why is he behaving like this what have i done if he does not want me or love me why he does not tell things clearly. I dont know how shall i behave on my birthday. I am just confused with myself.
Regards
Cindy
Hey Cindy,
Whatever happened, it's OK. I'll recommend you start no contact again for 30 days. If your birthday comes before the end of no contact, I'll recommend you don't meet him at all. If he contacts you, just say thanks. If he insists on meeting you, tell him you need space and time and you can't meet him right now. You need to learn to be happy without him and accept that you might never get him back before you end no contact. The reason you feel there is a heavy stone inside you is because you were not ready to contact him yet. This is why I recommend no contact.
Hey Cindy,
Whatever happened, it's OK. I'll recommend you start no contact again for 30 days. If your birthday comes before the end of no contact, I'll recommend you don't meet him at all. If he contacts you, just say thanks. If he insists on meeting you, tell him you need space and time and you can't meet him right now. You need to learn to be happy without him and accept that you might never get him back before you end no contact. The reason you feel there is a heavy stone inside you is because you were not ready to contact him yet. This is why I recommend no contact.
Hey Cindy,
Whatever happened, it's OK. I'll recommend you start no contact again for 30 days. If your birthday comes before the end of no contact, I'll recommend you don't meet him at all. If he contacts you, just say thanks. If he insists on meeting you, tell him you need space and time and you can't meet him right now. You need to learn to be happy without him and accept that you might never get him back before you end no contact. The reason you feel there is a heavy stone inside you is because you were not ready to contact him yet. This is why I recommend no contact.
Hey Cindy,
Whatever happened, it's OK. I'll recommend you start no contact again for 30 days. If your birthday comes before the end of no contact, I'll recommend you don't meet him at all. If he contacts you, just say thanks. If he insists on meeting you, tell him you need space and time and you can't meet him right now. You need to learn to be happy without him and accept that you might never get him back before you end no contact. The reason you feel there is a heavy stone inside you is because you were not ready to contact him yet. This is why I recommend no contact.
Hey Cindy,
Whatever happened, it's OK. I'll recommend you start no contact again for 30 days. If your birthday comes before the end of no contact, I'll recommend you don't meet him at all. If he contacts you, just say thanks. If he insists on meeting you, tell him you need space and time and you can't meet him right now. You need to learn to be happy without him and accept that you might never get him back before you end no contact. The reason you feel there is a heavy stone inside you is because you were not ready to contact him yet. This is why I recommend no contact.
Hey Cindy,
Whatever happened, it's OK. I'll recommend you start no contact again for 30 days. If your birthday comes before the end of no contact, I'll recommend you don't meet him at all. If he contacts you, just say thanks. If he insists on meeting you, tell him you need space and time and you can't meet him right now. You need to learn to be happy without him and accept that you might never get him back before you end no contact. The reason you feel there is a heavy stone inside you is because you were not ready to contact him yet. This is why I recommend no contact.
hello kevin,
My boyfriend had called me from an unknown number and unfortunately i picked up yesterday. My birthday is approaching near and he wanted to meet me. The problem is whenever we used to meet he used to come at my home and spend time with me like husband and wife. I hope you understand what i mean to say. He expects that this birthday he will meet me at my place and spend time.But instead of meeting me at my house i will tell him that he will hang out somewhere. During breakup i had asked him that whatever happened between us what was it. The commitment what we gave to each other ? He said that i was the one to call him at my place and be into physical relationship. It shattered me and then he said he was just joking he did not mean. He spend most of his times with his friends and sometimes i feel that his friends are putting in his mind about me as of which he stopped communicating with me at all. But on my birthday i cant ignore him if he calls me i will meet him outside and keep the communication short. According to you i wanted that i am doing is right. When i meet him what shall i talk so that he feels that i am happy in my life. Could you please help me and suggest me some tips. I am following NC rule but i know very well on my birthday he will call me or try to meet me and may be he will bump instantly at my house. So please please tell me if i meet him outside is better or meet him at home and what shall i talk to him. Waiting for your reply. I really wished that something best should happen that day. Please reply. Take care.
Cindy
hi kevin,
Today is the tenth day and i am trying very hard to follow no contact. My boyfriend did not even give me a message or call where i am and did not even find out why i am out of all social networking sites. I am trying very much hard to cope with this panic feeling and trying to concentrate on another work. I dont know whether he will try to figure out about me. I am just feeling low.
Cindy
It's normal Cindy. You will start feeling better soon.
It's normal Cindy. You will start feeling better soon.
It's normal Cindy. You will start feeling better soon.
It's normal Cindy. You will start feeling better soon.
It's normal Cindy. You will start feeling better soon.
It's normal Cindy. You will start feeling better soon.
Thanx kevin for continously supporting me. I dont know what is my future but yes i am sure that my life will be changed in a positive way only because of your support and advice. I only want love and happiness from people and if my boyfriend is not happy with me, he is with other girl or if he has still feelings for me I would always wish for his happiness as he means to me a lot as he was the first person who i really loved truly took care of him like a mother loved him as a girlfriend and supported him as a wife. I just want that he does not forget me. I would be also happy if my dream with him to be together becomes true. According to your rules i am seriously into NC no contacts. I want to change my emotional nature into tough girl, attitude as always my boyfriend used to complain that i am not matured and always emotional. Trying to change myself to prove myself..
One of the objectives of no contact is to make your ex miss you. It helps your ex miss you and makes them realize that you are slowly getting over them. Yes, there is a chance that it will make them call you. But that's OK. If they continue calling you, tell them you need some space and time and you will appreciate it if they don't call you for a while.
Of course, the main objective of no contact is making yourself feel better, concentrating on yourself and learning to be happy without your ex. If all this interferes with that main objective, then you should not post updates on facebook and try to stay away from any social media until you are ready to handle it.
Hi Kevin,
My birthday was on 18 april and he came suprisingly at my house to take me out. He said my best friend is not well and could not contact me so he came personally to pick me up. I was shocked and without thinking I left out with him.He took me to his friends place where he had arranged a surprise birthday party for me. He hugged me as if nothing happen between us. He also threw party for his friends on my behalf. I was quiet. My boyfriend told me when we were alone that he cant give me birthday gift now as he has ordered and made the gift for me but he is waiting for the right time to give. I said its ok no problem. All friends were telling him that why he did not give me gift. He was sitting quiet . He did not wish me 12 at nyt he wished me in the morning as he went to sleep at nyt before going to work he texted me with lots of xxx000 symbols. One more incident happened on my birthday his friends were showing girls photos and telling me that this girl is he having crush . My boyfriend became nervous he said its nothing like that and just they are friends. I said its fine i have no problem. I had worn one frock which was short and stockings he was trying to convince his friends that not to make plan out in any public place as i had worn short dress but they were not hearing. So finally we went to a public place. He was worried as all were looking at me and he was getting angry on his friends. Whenever we all were walking he used to tell me to be between them so that no one does anything to me. He was more feeling insecure. When my hair was coming front he was putting it back in front of his friends and when on my ring a small insect was sitting he was blowing it. Kevin I really dont understand what he wants. In the car he took me near him and kissed me on my forehead and after my birthday he is now quite not online talking with me and called me .Why is he behaving like this. Sometimes he shows so much love and sometimes he is like a stranger. On my birthday i felt as if nothing happened between us. But yes one thing i noticed he always used to talk with his friends about his work and i used to feel bored. Even when we sat in the car friends wanted to hear music and he told them that the music what i will play will not be understood by me. I felt somewhere insulted he cares loves and insults. Kevin what do you think after hearing this what will be in his mind.
Regards
Cindy
hi kevin,
My bday my boyfriend did not call me up and wish me at 12 i expected that he will call me and wish me . I am really hurt
hi kevin,
A new climax started last night i messaged him on facebook message i was getting an award today and my career came up only due to his support. So i messaged him saying thanks for his love and care. I did mistakes but he kept on ignoring. I also told him it was strange that after so many years of schooling destiny made us to meet and fall in love and reminded him about the past memories. I always dreamt that if i get an award i wished my boyfriend to be side of me and i say yes i m here coz of him. But he did not reply anything not even congragulation. He just updated his profile and cover photo in facebook and liked some photographs of others and went offline. Kevin i felt heavy stone in me as if it destroyed me. Tears came out missed him so much that the feeling could not get controlled. I only want to know the reason why is he behaving like this what have i done if he does not want me or love me why he does not tell things clearly. I dont know how shall i behave on my birthday. I am just confused with myself.
Regards
Cindy
hello kevin,
My boyfriend had called me from an unknown number and unfortunately i picked up yesterday. My birthday is approaching near and he wanted to meet me. The problem is whenever we used to meet he used to come at my home and spend time with me like husband and wife. I hope you understand what i mean to say. He expects that this birthday he will meet me at my place and spend time.But instead of meeting me at my house i will tell him that he will hang out somewhere. During breakup i had asked him that whatever happened between us what was it. The commitment what we gave to each other ? He said that i was the one to call him at my place and be into physical relationship. It shattered me and then he said he was just joking he did not mean. He spend most of his times with his friends and sometimes i feel that his friends are putting in his mind about me as of which he stopped communicating with me at all. But on my birthday i cant ignore him if he calls me i will meet him outside and keep the communication short. According to you i wanted that i am doing is right. When i meet him what shall i talk so that he feels that i am happy in my life. Could you please help me and suggest me some tips. I am following NC rule but i know very well on my birthday he will call me or try to meet me and may be he will bump instantly at my house. So please please tell me if i meet him outside is better or meet him at home and what shall i talk to him. Waiting for your reply. I really wished that something best should happen that day. Please reply. Take care.
Cindy
hi kevin,
Today is the tenth day and i am trying very hard to follow no contact. My boyfriend did not even give me a message or call where i am and did not even find out why i am out of all social networking sites. I am trying very much hard to cope with this panic feeling and trying to concentrate on another work. I dont know whether he will try to figure out about me. I am just feeling low.
Cindy
Thanx kevin for continously supporting me. I dont know what is my future but yes i am sure that my life will be changed in a positive way only because of your support and advice. I only want love and happiness from people and if my boyfriend is not happy with me, he is with other girl or if he has still feelings for me I would always wish for his happiness as he means to me a lot as he was the first person who i really loved truly took care of him like a mother loved him as a girlfriend and supported him as a wife. I just want that he does not forget me. I would be also happy if my dream with him to be together becomes true. According to your rules i am seriously into NC no contacts. I want to change my emotional nature into tough girl, attitude as always my boyfriend used to complain that i am not matured and always emotional. Trying to change myself to prove myself..
One of the objectives of no contact is to make your ex miss you. It helps your ex miss you and makes them realize that you are slowly getting over them. Yes, there is a chance that it will make them call you. But that's OK. If they continue calling you, tell them you need some space and time and you will appreciate it if they don't call you for a while.
Of course, the main objective of no contact is making yourself feel better, concentrating on yourself and learning to be happy without your ex. If all this interferes with that main objective, then you should not post updates on facebook and try to stay away from any social media until you are ready to handle it.
Hi Kevin,
My birthday was on 18 april and he came suprisingly at my house to take me out. He said my best friend is not well and could not contact me so he came personally to pick me up. I was shocked and without thinking I left out with him.He took me to his friends place where he had arranged a surprise birthday party for me. He hugged me as if nothing happen between us. He also threw party for his friends on my behalf. I was quiet. My boyfriend told me when we were alone that he cant give me birthday gift now as he has ordered and made the gift for me but he is waiting for the right time to give. I said its ok no problem. All friends were telling him that why he did not give me gift. He was sitting quiet . He did not wish me 12 at nyt he wished me in the morning as he went to sleep at nyt before going to work he texted me with lots of xxx000 symbols. One more incident happened on my birthday his friends were showing girls photos and telling me that this girl is he having crush . My boyfriend became nervous he said its nothing like that and just they are friends. I said its fine i have no problem. I had worn one frock which was short and stockings he was trying to convince his friends that not to make plan out in any public place as i had worn short dress but they were not hearing. So finally we went to a public place. He was worried as all were looking at me and he was getting angry on his friends. Whenever we all were walking he used to tell me to be between them so that no one does anything to me. He was more feeling insecure. When my hair was coming front he was putting it back in front of his friends and when on my ring a small insect was sitting he was blowing it. Kevin I really dont understand what he wants. In the car he took me near him and kissed me on my forehead and after my birthday he is now quite not online talking with me and called me .Why is he behaving like this. Sometimes he shows so much love and sometimes he is like a stranger. On my birthday i felt as if nothing happened between us. But yes one thing i noticed he always used to talk with his friends about his work and i used to feel bored. Even when we sat in the car friends wanted to hear music and he told them that the music what i will play will not be understood by me. I felt somewhere insulted he cares loves and insults. Kevin what do you think after hearing this what will be in his mind.
Regards
Cindy
hi kevin,
My bday my boyfriend did not call me up and wish me at 12 i expected that he will call me and wish me . I am really hurt
hi kevin,
A new climax started last night i messaged him on facebook message i was getting an award today and my career came up only due to his support. So i messaged him saying thanks for his love and care. I did mistakes but he kept on ignoring. I also told him it was strange that after so many years of schooling destiny made us to meet and fall in love and reminded him about the past memories. I always dreamt that if i get an award i wished my boyfriend to be side of me and i say yes i m here coz of him. But he did not reply anything not even congragulation. He just updated his profile and cover photo in facebook and liked some photographs of others and went offline. Kevin i felt heavy stone in me as if it destroyed me. Tears came out missed him so much that the feeling could not get controlled. I only want to know the reason why is he behaving like this what have i done if he does not want me or love me why he does not tell things clearly. I dont know how shall i behave on my birthday. I am just confused with myself.
Regards
Cindy
hello kevin,
My boyfriend had called me from an unknown number and unfortunately i picked up yesterday. My birthday is approaching near and he wanted to meet me. The problem is whenever we used to meet he used to come at my home and spend time with me like husband and wife. I hope you understand what i mean to say. He expects that this birthday he will meet me at my place and spend time.But instead of meeting me at my house i will tell him that he will hang out somewhere. During breakup i had asked him that whatever happened between us what was it. The commitment what we gave to each other ? He said that i was the one to call him at my place and be into physical relationship. It shattered me and then he said he was just joking he did not mean. He spend most of his times with his friends and sometimes i feel that his friends are putting in his mind about me as of which he stopped communicating with me at all. But on my birthday i cant ignore him if he calls me i will meet him outside and keep the communication short. According to you i wanted that i am doing is right. When i meet him what shall i talk so that he feels that i am happy in my life. Could you please help me and suggest me some tips. I am following NC rule but i know very well on my birthday he will call me or try to meet me and may be he will bump instantly at my house. So please please tell me if i meet him outside is better or meet him at home and what shall i talk to him. Waiting for your reply. I really wished that something best should happen that day. Please reply. Take care.
Cindy
hi kevin,
Today is the tenth day and i am trying very hard to follow no contact. My boyfriend did not even give me a message or call where i am and did not even find out why i am out of all social networking sites. I am trying very much hard to cope with this panic feeling and trying to concentrate on another work. I dont know whether he will try to figure out about me. I am just feeling low.
Cindy
Thanx kevin for continously supporting me. I dont know what is my future but yes i am sure that my life will be changed in a positive way only because of your support and advice. I only want love and happiness from people and if my boyfriend is not happy with me, he is with other girl or if he has still feelings for me I would always wish for his happiness as he means to me a lot as he was the first person who i really loved truly took care of him like a mother loved him as a girlfriend and supported him as a wife. I just want that he does not forget me. I would be also happy if my dream with him to be together becomes true. According to your rules i am seriously into NC no contacts. I want to change my emotional nature into tough girl, attitude as always my boyfriend used to complain that i am not matured and always emotional. Trying to change myself to prove myself..
One of the objectives of no contact is to make your ex miss you. It helps your ex miss you and makes them realize that you are slowly getting over them. Yes, there is a chance that it will make them call you. But that's OK. If they continue calling you, tell them you need some space and time and you will appreciate it if they don't call you for a while.
Of course, the main objective of no contact is making yourself feel better, concentrating on yourself and learning to be happy without your ex. If all this interferes with that main objective, then you should not post updates on facebook and try to stay away from any social media until you are ready to handle it.
Hi Kevin,
My birthday was on 18 april and he came suprisingly at my house to take me out. He said my best friend is not well and could not contact me so he came personally to pick me up. I was shocked and without thinking I left out with him.He took me to his friends place where he had arranged a surprise birthday party for me. He hugged me as if nothing happen between us. He also threw party for his friends on my behalf. I was quiet. My boyfriend told me when we were alone that he cant give me birthday gift now as he has ordered and made the gift for me but he is waiting for the right time to give. I said its ok no problem. All friends were telling him that why he did not give me gift. He was sitting quiet . He did not wish me 12 at nyt he wished me in the morning as he went to sleep at nyt before going to work he texted me with lots of xxx000 symbols. One more incident happened on my birthday his friends were showing girls photos and telling me that this girl is he having crush . My boyfriend became nervous he said its nothing like that and just they are friends. I said its fine i have no problem. I had worn one frock which was short and stockings he was trying to convince his friends that not to make plan out in any public place as i had worn short dress but they were not hearing. So finally we went to a public place. He was worried as all were looking at me and he was getting angry on his friends. Whenever we all were walking he used to tell me to be between them so that no one does anything to me. He was more feeling insecure. When my hair was coming front he was putting it back in front of his friends and when on my ring a small insect was sitting he was blowing it. Kevin I really dont understand what he wants. In the car he took me near him and kissed me on my forehead and after my birthday he is now quite not online talking with me and called me .Why is he behaving like this. Sometimes he shows so much love and sometimes he is like a stranger. On my birthday i felt as if nothing happened between us. But yes one thing i noticed he always used to talk with his friends about his work and i used to feel bored. Even when we sat in the car friends wanted to hear music and he told them that the music what i will play will not be understood by me. I felt somewhere insulted he cares loves and insults. Kevin what do you think after hearing this what will be in his mind.
Regards
Cindy
hi kevin,
My bday my boyfriend did not call me up and wish me at 12 i expected that he will call me and wish me . I am really hurt
hi kevin,
A new climax started last night i messaged him on facebook message i was getting an award today and my career came up only due to his support. So i messaged him saying thanks for his love and care. I did mistakes but he kept on ignoring. I also told him it was strange that after so many years of schooling destiny made us to meet and fall in love and reminded him about the past memories. I always dreamt that if i get an award i wished my boyfriend to be side of me and i say yes i m here coz of him. But he did not reply anything not even congragulation. He just updated his profile and cover photo in facebook and liked some photographs of others and went offline. Kevin i felt heavy stone in me as if it destroyed me. Tears came out missed him so much that the feeling could not get controlled. I only want to know the reason why is he behaving like this what have i done if he does not want me or love me why he does not tell things clearly. I dont know how shall i behave on my birthday. I am just confused with myself.
Regards
Cindy
hello kevin,
My boyfriend had called me from an unknown number and unfortunately i picked up yesterday. My birthday is approaching near and he wanted to meet me. The problem is whenever we used to meet he used to come at my home and spend time with me like husband and wife. I hope you understand what i mean to say. He expects that this birthday he will meet me at my place and spend time.But instead of meeting me at my house i will tell him that he will hang out somewhere. During breakup i had asked him that whatever happened between us what was it. The commitment what we gave to each other ? He said that i was the one to call him at my place and be into physical relationship. It shattered me and then he said he was just joking he did not mean. He spend most of his times with his friends and sometimes i feel that his friends are putting in his mind about me as of which he stopped communicating with me at all. But on my birthday i cant ignore him if he calls me i will meet him outside and keep the communication short. According to you i wanted that i am doing is right. When i meet him what shall i talk so that he feels that i am happy in my life. Could you please help me and suggest me some tips. I am following NC rule but i know very well on my birthday he will call me or try to meet me and may be he will bump instantly at my house. So please please tell me if i meet him outside is better or meet him at home and what shall i talk to him. Waiting for your reply. I really wished that something best should happen that day. Please reply. Take care.
Cindy
hi kevin,
Today is the tenth day and i am trying very hard to follow no contact. My boyfriend did not even give me a message or call where i am and did not even find out why i am out of all social networking sites. I am trying very much hard to cope with this panic feeling and trying to concentrate on another work. I dont know whether he will try to figure out about me. I am just feeling low.
Cindy
Thanx kevin for continously supporting me. I dont know what is my future but yes i am sure that my life will be changed in a positive way only because of your support and advice. I only want love and happiness from people and if my boyfriend is not happy with me, he is with other girl or if he has still feelings for me I would always wish for his happiness as he means to me a lot as he was the first person who i really loved truly took care of him like a mother loved him as a girlfriend and supported him as a wife. I just want that he does not forget me. I would be also happy if my dream with him to be together becomes true. According to your rules i am seriously into NC no contacts. I want to change my emotional nature into tough girl, attitude as always my boyfriend used to complain that i am not matured and always emotional. Trying to change myself to prove myself..
One of the objectives of no contact is to make your ex miss you. It helps your ex miss you and makes them realize that you are slowly getting over them. Yes, there is a chance that it will make them call you. But that's OK. If they continue calling you, tell them you need some space and time and you will appreciate it if they don't call you for a while.
Of course, the main objective of no contact is making yourself feel better, concentrating on yourself and learning to be happy without your ex. If all this interferes with that main objective, then you should not post updates on facebook and try to stay away from any social media until you are ready to handle it.
Hi Kevin,
My birthday was on 18 april and he came suprisingly at my house to take me out. He said my best friend is not well and could not contact me so he came personally to pick me up. I was shocked and without thinking I left out with him.He took me to his friends place where he had arranged a surprise birthday party for me. He hugged me as if nothing happen between us. He also threw party for his friends on my behalf. I was quiet. My boyfriend told me when we were alone that he cant give me birthday gift now as he has ordered and made the gift for me but he is waiting for the right time to give. I said its ok no problem. All friends were telling him that why he did not give me gift. He was sitting quiet . He did not wish me 12 at nyt he wished me in the morning as he went to sleep at nyt before going to work he texted me with lots of xxx000 symbols. One more incident happened on my birthday his friends were showing girls photos and telling me that this girl is he having crush . My boyfriend became nervous he said its nothing like that and just they are friends. I said its fine i have no problem. I had worn one frock which was short and stockings he was trying to convince his friends that not to make plan out in any public place as i had worn short dress but they were not hearing. So finally we went to a public place. He was worried as all were looking at me and he was getting angry on his friends. Whenever we all were walking he used to tell me to be between them so that no one does anything to me. He was more feeling insecure. When my hair was coming front he was putting it back in front of his friends and when on my ring a small insect was sitting he was blowing it. Kevin I really dont understand what he wants. In the car he took me near him and kissed me on my forehead and after my birthday he is now quite not online talking with me and called me .Why is he behaving like this. Sometimes he shows so much love and sometimes he is like a stranger. On my birthday i felt as if nothing happened between us. But yes one thing i noticed he always used to talk with his friends about his work and i used to feel bored. Even when we sat in the car friends wanted to hear music and he told them that the music what i will play will not be understood by me. I felt somewhere insulted he cares loves and insults. Kevin what do you think after hearing this what will be in his mind.
Regards
Cindy
hi kevin,
My bday my boyfriend did not call me up and wish me at 12 i expected that he will call me and wish me . I am really hurt
hi kevin,
A new climax started last night i messaged him on facebook message i was getting an award today and my career came up only due to his support. So i messaged him saying thanks for his love and care. I did mistakes but he kept on ignoring. I also told him it was strange that after so many years of schooling destiny made us to meet and fall in love and reminded him about the past memories. I always dreamt that if i get an award i wished my boyfriend to be side of me and i say yes i m here coz of him. But he did not reply anything not even congragulation. He just updated his profile and cover photo in facebook and liked some photographs of others and went offline. Kevin i felt heavy stone in me as if it destroyed me. Tears came out missed him so much that the feeling could not get controlled. I only want to know the reason why is he behaving like this what have i done if he does not want me or love me why he does not tell things clearly. I dont know how shall i behave on my birthday. I am just confused with myself.
Regards
Cindy
hello kevin,
My boyfriend had called me from an unknown number and unfortunately i picked up yesterday. My birthday is approaching near and he wanted to meet me. The problem is whenever we used to meet he used to come at my home and spend time with me like husband and wife. I hope you understand what i mean to say. He expects that this birthday he will meet me at my place and spend time.But instead of meeting me at my house i will tell him that he will hang out somewhere. During breakup i had asked him that whatever happened between us what was it. The commitment what we gave to each other ? He said that i was the one to call him at my place and be into physical relationship. It shattered me and then he said he was just joking he did not mean. He spend most of his times with his friends and sometimes i feel that his friends are putting in his mind about me as of which he stopped communicating with me at all. But on my birthday i cant ignore him if he calls me i will meet him outside and keep the communication short. According to you i wanted that i am doing is right. When i meet him what shall i talk so that he feels that i am happy in my life. Could you please help me and suggest me some tips. I am following NC rule but i know very well on my birthday he will call me or try to meet me and may be he will bump instantly at my house. So please please tell me if i meet him outside is better or meet him at home and what shall i talk to him. Waiting for your reply. I really wished that something best should happen that day. Please reply. Take care.
Cindy
hi kevin,
Today is the tenth day and i am trying very hard to follow no contact. My boyfriend did not even give me a message or call where i am and did not even find out why i am out of all social networking sites. I am trying very much hard to cope with this panic feeling and trying to concentrate on another work. I dont know whether he will try to figure out about me. I am just feeling low.
Cindy
Thanx kevin for continously supporting me. I dont know what is my future but yes i am sure that my life will be changed in a positive way only because of your support and advice. I only want love and happiness from people and if my boyfriend is not happy with me, he is with other girl or if he has still feelings for me I would always wish for his happiness as he means to me a lot as he was the first person who i really loved truly took care of him like a mother loved him as a girlfriend and supported him as a wife. I just want that he does not forget me. I would be also happy if my dream with him to be together becomes true. According to your rules i am seriously into NC no contacts. I want to change my emotional nature into tough girl, attitude as always my boyfriend used to complain that i am not matured and always emotional. Trying to change myself to prove myself..
One of the objectives of no contact is to make your ex miss you. It helps your ex miss you and makes them realize that you are slowly getting over them. Yes, there is a chance that it will make them call you. But that's OK. If they continue calling you, tell them you need some space and time and you will appreciate it if they don't call you for a while.
Of course, the main objective of no contact is making yourself feel better, concentrating on yourself and learning to be happy without your ex. If all this interferes with that main objective, then you should not post updates on facebook and try to stay away from any social media until you are ready to handle it.
Hello kevin,
I am started the NC RULE and i wanted to ask you that as i cannot block his profile from facebook and neither i can delete my account. Its necessary that within 30 days i cannot post my pictures where i am roamed with friends and family. Please reply me.
Cindy
Hello I have already started NC rule..But i came to know from one of his friends casually when i was going for shopping that he is now having a new girlfriend.
It doesn't change anything. You should still follow the plan.
It doesn't change anything. You should still follow the plan.
It doesn't change anything. You should still follow the plan.
It doesn't change anything. You should still follow the plan.
It doesn't change anything. You should still follow the plan.
It doesn't change anything. You should still follow the plan.
Thanx kevin as you said i posted the pictures on facebook and guess what? My boyfriend called me up suprisingly and texted me but as you said during no contact period no calls no message so i did not replied him. I hope i am in the right track. What else i can do that will make him miss me more.
Yes, you should post pictures on facebook.
Hello I have already started NC rule..But i came to know from one of his friends casually when i was going for shopping that he is now having a new girlfriend.
Thanx kevin as you said i posted the pictures on facebook and guess what? My boyfriend called me up suprisingly and texted me but as you said during no contact period no calls no message so i did not replied him. I hope i am in the right track. What else i can do that will make him miss me more.
Yes, you should post pictures on facebook.
Hello I have already started NC rule..But i came to know from one of his friends casually when i was going for shopping that he is now having a new girlfriend.
Thanx kevin as you said i posted the pictures on facebook and guess what? My boyfriend called me up suprisingly and texted me but as you said during no contact period no calls no message so i did not replied him. I hope i am in the right track. What else i can do that will make him miss me more.
Yes, you should post pictures on facebook.
Hello I have already started NC rule..But i came to know from one of his friends casually when i was going for shopping that he is now having a new girlfriend.
Thanx kevin as you said i posted the pictures on facebook and guess what? My boyfriend called me up suprisingly and texted me but as you said during no contact period no calls no message so i did not replied him. I hope i am in the right track. What else i can do that will make him miss me more.
Yes, you should post pictures on facebook.
Hello I have already started NC rule..But i came to know from one of his friends casually when i was going for shopping that he is now having a new girlfriend.
Thanx kevin as you said i posted the pictures on facebook and guess what? My boyfriend called me up suprisingly and texted me but as you said during no contact period no calls no message so i did not replied him. I hope i am in the right track. What else i can do that will make him miss me more.
Yes, you should post pictures on facebook.
sorry for the trouble but actually i am confused according to NC rule it says no contacts then how posting my update photos on facebook is allowed. Could you please explain me. I posted as you said but every week its fine i post my photos on facebook and not answer his call or text.
Hello kevin,
I am started the NC RULE and i wanted to ask you that as i cannot block his profile from facebook and neither i can delete my account. Its necessary that within 30 days i cannot post my pictures where i am roamed with friends and family. Please reply me.
Cindy
sorry for the trouble but actually i am confused according to NC rule it says no contacts then how posting my update photos on facebook is allowed. Could you please explain me. I posted as you said but every week its fine i post my photos on facebook and not answer his call or text.
Hello kevin,
I am started the NC RULE and i wanted to ask you that as i cannot block his profile from facebook and neither i can delete my account. Its necessary that within 30 days i cannot post my pictures where i am roamed with friends and family. Please reply me.
Cindy
sorry for the trouble but actually i am confused according to NC rule it says no contacts then how posting my update photos on facebook is allowed. Could you please explain me. I posted as you said but every week its fine i post my photos on facebook and not answer his call or text.
Hello kevin,
I am started the NC RULE and i wanted to ask you that as i cannot block his profile from facebook and neither i can delete my account. Its necessary that within 30 days i cannot post my pictures where i am roamed with friends and family. Please reply me.
Cindy
Thanks kevin i will follow your advice. Whenever i used to ask my boyfriend why your online late night he used to say that he is chatting with his office colleagues or just reading the text come from his group. Now the issue is even he has his girlfriend he is not telling me. He always say if you dont trust me its better you dont talk. So i stopped doubting him but whenever i see him online i get very upset. Last night his grandmom expired he had texted me i replied him. He said thanx. He never called me from past two months only texted me when he remember me once in a blue moon but he never asked me how i am and how is everything going on. Its so bad whom you love that person may be or may not be in another relationship and does not share any of his problems neither happiness with you. i am totally aware whats happening in his life and he is also not trying to find out whats happening in my life. I really hope your advice works. I am just upset as my birthday is approaching and i wish something good from his part.
Regards
Cindy Dsouza
Thanks kevin i will follow your advice. Whenever i used to ask my boyfriend why your online late night he used to say that he is chatting with his office colleagues or just reading the text come from his group. Now the issue is even he has his girlfriend he is not telling me. He always say if you dont trust me its better you dont talk. So i stopped doubting him but whenever i see him online i get very upset. Last night his grandmom expired he had texted me i replied him. He said thanx. He never called me from past two months only texted me when he remember me once in a blue moon but he never asked me how i am and how is everything going on. Its so bad whom you love that person may be or may not be in another relationship and does not share any of his problems neither happiness with you. i am totally aware whats happening in his life and he is also not trying to find out whats happening in my life. I really hope your advice works. I am just upset as my birthday is approaching and i wish something good from his part.
Regards
Cindy Dsouza
Follow the 5 step plan Cindy. I don't think he forgot you. It's possible he has feelings for some other girl but it doesn't mean he doesn't have any feelings for you.
My boyfriend and I have been dating long distance two years. I made plans to move where he is in May but he broke up with me the weekend of Valentine's. I was devastated. We live in different countries. He is a very caring person. He bought me flowers on Valentine's and the next day, we did not speak until later that evening. I asked him what was wrong, he said he had a lot on his mind. He gets like this sometimes. So I let him have his space. But for some reason, I felt a little bad. I told him I felt he was shutting me out again (he did this a year into our relationship). The next day, I wasn't saying much when he called me. He doesn't make decisions logically so as a result he just stop talking to me. I feel he was looking for a reason so break up with me. I tried contacting him a few times but nothing. When we finally spoke, which was three weeks later, he said he didn't know how to tell me that he was feeling fake and the didn't love me the way I loved him. He said he was drinking for three weeks straight because he couldn't face me. Well I told him I will let him go because it was no sense I being with someone who didn't love me. He said he didn't think it would be so easy. I guess he thought I would beg him. I wanted too but I had done that before and we got back together. I realize I had to have some dignity. This has been the hardest break up for me. I can't seem to get a grip. I have lost weight because I am exercising every day. Even though he is a giving person, he would make little comments directed at my weight. I feel good about myself but not one hundred percent. I have so many guys trying to talk to me as a result but I am not interested. I want my boyfriend back. I really love him. I started the no contact but I messed up. Last week he contacted me because he hadn't heard from me and I felt good about that. Unfortunately I contacted him by phone and email. He wants us to remain friends because we were best friends before we became intimate. He said he would still do anything for me. I told him I don't call because a person can't just turn love off and on, so it is hard for me. I know I blew it because he feels comfortable and seems to be getting on with his life. What should I do?
It's OK. I don't think you blew it. Start no contact again.
It's OK. I don't think you blew it. Start no contact again.
Hey Kevin,
First of all I'd like to thank you for writing this article! Everything souds really logical!
I also subscribed to your e-mails. In some of the e-mails you refer to Relationship Rewind and I have a question about this.
The author of Relationship Rewind states he doesn't think a no-contact period does the 'realtionship' any good.
I can understand both his and your point of view, but I'd like to ask you which would be the best 'tactic'.
1. 30 days no contact > trying to contact ex via RR method
2. Contact ex via RR method now/couple of days (It's been 15 days since the break up and we had a realtionship for 1,5 years.)
Thanks again for writing this article, It really helped me so far!
Hope to hear from you,
Mike
Hey Mike,
I'd go with 1.
Hey Mike,
I'd go with 1.
Hey kevin.
My post is to far down page to reply to from my mobile so i have u can reply here. thanks for getting back to me on 30th. she actually txt my best friend to say she wants me to put my energy in getting vver her and moving on. she want me to be happy but wont be with her. is that it now?
Lou,
Do you want it to be over? Can you move on? If you think you can move on, move on. But if you think you want to try getting her back one more time, then you follow the plan.
I want her back.i.just want to know by her saying this is it defo.over?
What if it's definitely over? What will you do if it's definitely over?
What if it's definitely over? What will you do if it's definitely over?
What if it's definitely over? What will you do if it's definitely over?
What if it's definitely over? What will you do if it's definitely over?
I want her back.i.just want to know by her saying this is it defo.over?
I want her back.i.just want to know by her saying this is it defo.over?
Lou,
Do you want it to be over? Can you move on? If you think you can move on, move on. But if you think you want to try getting her back one more time, then you follow the plan.
Hi everyone. It is my first post and I need some serious advice. This is gonna be long so pardon me for it.
Story:
I'm 26 and she is 28(HB9). We met in a club and decided to become exclusive after about 1 month of dating. Ever since then, I haven't been going out with other girls after we got together. She has been in my country since 18 for studies and started working few years back. We met in 2011 and have been together for 2 and half years. Things has been pretty stable along the way and we are pretty much in love with each other except for some quarrels that all couples have. We normally spend the weekends together going out and over at my place. I am pretty happy in this relationship and I do sense that she feels the same. She tells me she loves me at times and I do say it back to her.
Her past relationship does not post any problems as the previous break ups are pretty much due to the ex-bfs being too possessive. But she do have lots of guy friends and sometimes goes for a drink/dinner with them which I am totally fine with. But I do tell her to text me every time once she is home.
She is quite a mature lady that has her own thinking.. She is also someone who has great respect for her family(mum, dad, sis, niece). To her, her family is everything because they were the ones that put her through her overseas studies since she was young.
I find that she is someone that I could spend my life with and I do think of marrying her. But here comes the problem. Her family is back in her own country and there is no way they would migrate over to my country. I have tried to ask her what's going to happen for us in future but she has been reluctant to discuss it. Every time I talk to her about it(like getting a house or residency in my country), I always get a very simple reply and not much information about it. It turns out that she always has the thought of going back to her country and never coming back again. I've sensed that but I didn't make any planning about it with her.
So recently something happened that triggered this break up. Her dad called and told her that her sister got into an accident but could not elaborate much on it as he has to settle the hospital issues. Her mum does not know what happened as the family is afraid that her mum can't take the shock. So she got really worried and started crying that night.
Previously, similar incidents happened and her sis was really distraught about what had happened. She always blamed herself for not being around when things happens to her family. All she can do is just wait for phone calls from her family and she is really upset about it. So this time round, it was really the last straw for her. I met up with her that night and asked her what happened. She told me that her sis is involved in an accident and she wants to fly back the next day. After what had happened, she said that she can't stay in my country anymore because her family is her everything and she wants to with them(to take care of them and if any shit happens) She tells me that she really loves me and I was really the one for her but she can't continue this relationship anymore because of her family. I was really upset but told her that she should leave because her family is really important to her but I don't want this relationship to end just like this. She went back home after some talks.
I was really shocked about it because it just happened so suddenly. I went back home and thought about the possibilities on how the make this relationship work. And the only way is to follow her back to her country. I spoke to my mum about it(my mum really likes my gf and always wanted me to marry her) and she told me to go to her country and try to carry on the relationship even if it means staying there permanently. I am pretty much confident that I can make it in her country even though there are some factors that I have to consider and figure it out.
So I phoned her and she told me that her sis is out of critical condition but suffered a broken ankle. So I arranged a meeting the following night. That night I met up with her and told her to give us some time to think about it and not giving it up so easily. I told her about the plan of me going over to her country but she was quite resistant to the idea because she has been through it before and it is really tough to be without my family. She also feels that she can't be so selfish for her to make me go back to her country just to be together. It's so hard for me to convince her to let me go back with her. I think the whole situation exhausted her pretty much. So before I left, I told her to give it a serious thought on the possibility of me going back with her and I would figure things out on whether I can make it. She wants some time off from our relationship and I said okay and to call me once she has thought about it.
She is a wonderful person which I'm willing to make sacrifice for and I want to make it work. But I don't know what I can do to change things around. I could really use some advices here.
PS: I don't suspect any cheating or whatsoever going on. I know she loves me and enjoyed being with me but the family is such a huge obstacle.
Thank you.
You did everything you could. The ball is in her court now. Give her time to think and decide if she wants it. Don't try to pressure her.
So how long do you reckon is the right amount of time for her to think about it? I mean this breakup is slightly different from the usual "we can't get along" kind of breakup. Today is Day 4 since I've spoke to her.
It's hard to say. Maybe two months. My guess is as good as yours.
It's hard to say. Maybe two months. My guess is as good as yours.
It's hard to say. Maybe two months. My guess is as good as yours.
It's hard to say. Maybe two months. My guess is as good as yours.
So how long do you reckon is the right amount of time for her to think about it? I mean this breakup is slightly different from the usual "we can't get along" kind of breakup. Today is Day 4 since I've spoke to her.
So how long do you reckon is the right amount of time for her to think about it? I mean this breakup is slightly different from the usual "we can't get along" kind of breakup. Today is Day 4 since I've spoke to her.
You did everything you could. The ball is in her court now. Give her time to think and decide if she wants it. Don't try to pressure her.
Hi Kevin,
My now ex travels for his business. Currently we have been dating for 2 1/2 months. So he is in an area for a few months then heads off to a different area. He is alot older than I am but when we met we hit it off. Spent alot of time together for about a month and a half and then he had to pick up and leave. We started out texting and calling, then he got busy building his biz so it seemed like I was putting in more effort contacting him. He would ho a few days without calling or texting and on a day I would we would call or text, I would ask how he was but then start complaining That he wasn't putting in any effort.We would talk about it and then the next week, the same thing. I complained. He assured me he was really busy, I would apologize. And then the next week, Same thing. I thought I could handle a long distance relationship but when he doesnt contact me for a few days, I get anxious. So this past week was the last straw. The issue came up again about no effort on his part and I somewhat ended it. I gave it about 4 days and not contacting him. Then I sent a text was he still mad and he said no. I asked if he still loved me and he said he did. So I sent a text saying that I have been thinking about him alot lately..no response. Then I went "crazy" and would send random we text, no response and I called him for 3 days straight and no response. I was in a state of panic so I would send text asking where he was. I missed him. And then yesterday, I had a friend call to see if he would answer her out of state number, and he did! It really broke my heart bc I saw that he was really avoiding me. So I sent nor text and finally he responded and said that I kept going back and for with not wanting to be with him, then apologizing. That He told me how it would be and I said I could handle it but really couldn't. And how im pointing the blame. And he told me to tell myself whatever I needed to get my mind right, that he is good. I went on to try and plead my case..but he stopped responding. I read the previous comments amd just wondering, do u think he will contact me and if you think going through the no contact if there will still be a chance for us and could he ever forgive me. Te last text I sent him was about not giving up on me, but he didnt respond. Advice please...im "dying" over here:/
Tally,
I'll be honest, your chances are very slim. Your relationship was short and you showed a lot of neediness and insecurity during this time. If you want, you can try applying no contact for one month and then contact him again. But like I said, your chances are slim. You'll be better off concentrating on moving on.
Tally,
I'll be honest, your chances are very slim. Your relationship was short and you showed a lot of neediness and insecurity during this time. If you want, you can try applying no contact for one month and then contact him again. But like I said, your chances are slim. You'll be better off concentrating on moving on.
Hi Kevin,
I wish I could have stumbled across you website sooner!! My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We were't together very long, but had one amazing relationship. I was falling in love with him, and was falling in love with me as well. We live in different states, but we manged to see each other every other week. Fate definitely brought us together!!! We have so much in common and the same goals in life. We planned our whole future together. So its extremely painful for me to not have him in my life.
So about a month ago, we went on vacation together. During this time I met a lot of his very close friends and some of his family. We all went out one night, and my better judgement got the best of me, and I had way to much to drink. I blacked out, which has never happened to me. Needless to say I made a complete fool out of myself, in front of my new boyfreind and some of his family. My ex is now on the fence concerning me and whether or not he wants to continue to see me, he sees me in a new light, because this was the first time we were on vacation, and the first time his people were meeting me. So it looks sooo bad, first impressions are everything. I feel awful, I know my limits when it comes to alcohol, but for some reason, that night, I didn't feel the effects. I feel sabotaged, I am a classy woman, and I think it looks so ugly when women are drunk, and not in control of their actions. I frown upon that, never thought I would be one of them. My ex asked for his space, and I gave it to him. He said he needed time to figure out what he wants to do. He has a very successful business, and have some pretty high profile people he is connected with, and isnt quite sure it I fit into his life anymore.
We've spoken here and there but the conversation, is so dry on his end. I feel like I dont know him anymore. He said that we need to take baby steps, and things are not going to be 100 mph, like they were before. However, he is still trying to sort out his feelings towards me, and isn't sure if he wants me. He says he still deciding if he wants to be my friend or not.
After reading your advice on this site I have decided to start the no contact rule, day 2 of 30 plus maybe more. Havent decided how long I will do this. I've been working on myself, going to the gym, eating healthy, I stopped drinking, because that episode, scared me to death. I trying to make solid lasting changes in my life. I'm still in so much pain, because I do love him, but I need t0 be able to love me more.
The most difficult part about all of this, is that I have quite a few personal belongings of his in my home, and he has a key to my place. Ive asked him several times, if he wants his things, and all he says is, "If I wanted them, I would asked for you to send them to me by now, are they in your way? If not leave them, if so put them somewhere where their not" whats the reasoning behind this. Control?
I believe everyone deserves a second chance, not quite sure if he agrees with that.
Do you think we still have a chance? Can I redeem myself?
Yes, you do have a chance. If his things reminds you of him, put them in a box and keep them somewhere safe. Other than that, follow the plan. I think he simply doesn't want his things at this point. There is no specific reasoning behind it.
Yes, you do have a chance. If his things reminds you of him, put them in a box and keep them somewhere safe. Other than that, follow the plan. I think he simply doesn't want his things at this point. There is no specific reasoning behind it.
Hey Kevin,
My wife and I have been separated for a few months now. I've done everything you asked but she says we will never be together the love is gone. She can't control who she loves. Yet when I hang out with her once in awhile I can still feel the love when she touches me. What should I do to win her back? I don't want to give up
Adam, start all over again from no contact.
Adam, start all over again from no contact.
Hi kevin,
I just finished reading you're article and I thought its so true but in my case its kind of different I really hope you could help me out, first off I did try staying away from my ex for a bit then I had to go and visit her.. she's a relative .. so ive got to visit her family at least.. and she seemed real guilty and feeling really bad that she left me but doesnt want to be in a relationship though .. not at all.. she just wants to focus on her studies and thats it and she got a lot of familt issues and she's really stressed out.. But the problem here is that right now we're living together like I Mentioned earlier shes a relative and my dad thought he'd help her family out theyre really close to us.. and their financial situation isn't so great.. so I see her everyday.. she have changed a little . Like shes been kind of relaxed not so stressed and I was helping them move in with us. . And I made sure that she notice that im doing this not for her but for the sake of her family and just helping out. So ive seen her kind of offering me a hand when im doing something . I.e laundry , dishes.. etc. Deep down its killing seeing her in front of me everyday and knowing that shes not mine.
Ps. When we broke up she was confused of what kind of execuses she should say to execuse herself..
First off she said its because of her studies.. then she said its because of my dad .(my dad wanted an engagement , some traditions thing. .I said we're too young for this so did she.. were 21 but I did mention if thats what it takes to be with her we could make a semi official engagement nothing special. Just rings and thats it not a big party etc.. )
And so we disagreed to that after we broke up I told her that we could still be together without our parents knowing anything but she refused she said she loyal for the our parents and since they want the engagement we'll just focus on our future now as school wise and see what happens in the future. . And then she said that this whole time when she was with me she was trying to love me.. she didnt really love me.. and now im just lost and confused.. and we're okay together right now as friends .. yet I have feelings for her but I dont show it .. im not sure what to do.. we live together we cant really move out.. and im stuck..
If you could please help out id really appreciate it.
Thank you
Hey Mostafa,
I guess the best thing to do in your situation is to continue doing what you've been doing. I am pretty sure she has feelings for you as well. Give her some time, like a month or two and then ask her to get back together.
Hey Mostafa,
I guess the best thing to do in your situation is to continue doing what you've been doing. I am pretty sure she has feelings for you as well. Give her some time, like a month or two and then ask her to get back together.
Hi Kevin
My ex broke up with me back in January. It was a heat of the moment type of break-up although I later found out he hadn't been happy for a few weeks. We were together for 6 months and moved really quickly, he wanted to see me every day and I slept at his place 4-5 nights a week. It was too much time together, too soon. We both stated we were a bit jaded about relationships but eventually we just became a couple. Our communication levels SUCKED.
After he ended it I stopped contacting him. Two weeks passed and I text messaged him because I wanted to pick up my stuff so I could actually "move on". To which he replied that he missed me and wanted to talk. That talk led to him telling me that he doesn't know what he wants and he still really cares about me and still wanted to hang out with me but he didn't wan't to jump back into a relationship. I was unsure about this move because I didn't want to get hurt again. I avoided hanging out with him for a couple weeks, but for the past month we have been seeing a lot of each other. He always initiates the hang outs, and meets me for lunch at work very often. It took about three weeks of hanging out for me to sleep with him again. It's kind of become a thing now, but only after we have had a few drinks. It is like we are too awkward about our situation to initiate sex sober lol. He brings up the past, compliments me in front of his friends and is always touchy feely. He looks at me with a "eye of the beholder" grin and makes me feel cared for. I definitely want to work towards building a relationship again but I don't know how to bring it up without freaking him out. I'm ok with the way things are now, it feels almost like the beginning, but I am also a bit insecure and fear that I am reading too much into his actions.
What is a good way to bring up the whole "what are we doing right now" thing? I don't need him to commit to me right now, I just want to know if there is any hope or intention in the future because if not I need to prepare myself for that. I DO NOT want to look needy or weak and I do not want him to feel pressured. Any advice?
Thank you :)
Just bring it up. Use the exact words you used in your message. I don't think it'll look needy, especially at this point since both of you are sleeping together for a while now. It's your right to bring it up.
Just bring it up. Use the exact words you used in your message. I don't think it'll look needy, especially at this point since both of you are sleeping together for a while now. It's your right to bring it up.
Kevin,
So my girlfriend and I broke up Saturday after 2 years. Shes' 17 and I'm 19. She hadn't drunk in 2 years, and we took a break so she could "be selfish" and do her for a weekend. It didn't really work I'd say. Friday night she got really drunk and blacked out and a guy kissed her. She started crying after it happened and went upstairs and talked to her friends for 2 hours. She met with me the next morning and said she couldn't expect me to forgive her because she couldn't if I did that to her. Anyway, she said that we needed to break up so she could find out who she was again. She said she had lost herself in the relationship and all the fighting and needs to worry about herself. She said she will always love me as much as ever and won't want anyone else. She wants to talk but says she needs a few days and such. Is this a good idea, or should I stop talking to her completely? Every time I started crying, she would kiss me to stop me and say "why are you crying? You know I love you. I'm not crying because I think we could eventually find each other." I'd ask if we were going to get back together, and she said she had no idea. She kept kissing me during this time and said she loved me over and over. I'd tell her I loved her more and she kept saying "stop, no you don't." It just seemed so normal for a break up. We changed our relationship statuses together and she mentioned how happy she was it ended on good terms. She still hasn't texted me (it's only been three days and I plan to just have a very NORMAL conversation). I haven't done any of the mistakes listed above, as I've kept my distance and haven't mentioned her at all. I love her to death and just want to get her back in the long run, although I realize she needs time to find herself. What should I do? Can I get her back?
Yes, you can get her back. Although a better option will be to let her go and explore your options. You are both young and if it's meant to be, you will eventually get back together. I'll recommend you keep no contact for at least 30 days and date at least a few other girls before getting back with her.
Kevin,
I also forgot to mention that she said that we had been fighting lately and she thought I had been controlling lately. I didn't realize it but do now. That was definitely part of it.
Yes, you can get her back. Although a better option will be to let her go and explore your options. You are both young and if it's meant to be, you will eventually get back together. I'll recommend you keep no contact for at least 30 days and date at least a few other girls before getting back with her.
Kevin,
I also forgot to mention that she said that we had been fighting lately and she thought I had been controlling lately. I didn't realize it but do now. That was definitely part of it.
Hey i really need ur help! Its been 3 months since my boyfriend and i brokeup! We had a fight! For a week i pretended like a brokeup with him but we used to talk normally everyday nd he begged me to come back i had no intentions to hurt him i just wanted him to realise his mistake because he alwayz kept on repeating it!
Then after a week i told him i love you nd he told me how happy he was that i came back!
But then i dunno then d next day he was lyk he wants to breakup because r parents wont allow us to get married nd he even told me that he still loves me! Nd d day after i checked his fb wall nd came to know that he was in a relationship! I even asked him y he did this! He told me that he is taking revenge from as she is her ex with whome he brokeup 3 years ago nd i know how much he hated her! But den i dunno y he went in a relationship with her! He told that he is having a time pass with him!
D frst month i was broken + angry nd i used to scold him etc nd he never told me anything he just used to tell i broke ur heart nd u have all rights to tell me anything!
But after 1 month i told him i want him in my life as i love him a lot nd cant live without him
He too told me that he loves me nd he will come back just that he wamts sometime! I agreed
But den just 2 weeks back i just changed so much he told me that plz dont wait fr me i cant come back!
But i cant live without him i really love him a lot nd i want him back in my life!
I am going to my home country after 3 months nd we live in d same building so i guess its a plus point fr meI just cant wait to meet him!
I really need your help plz tell me what to do
Will wait for ur reply!
Thanks a lot!
But if he doesnt replies after a month also?:(
How many chances are there that he will come back to me!
I want him back at any cost!
Rida,
If he doesn't reply, then you wait another month and contact him again. There is always a chance that he won't come back to you. So, instead of asking how much chance there is for him to come back, you should be preparing yourself for the worst case scenario. If he doesn't come back to you, you can still have a fulfilling life without him. You just need to learn to be happy without him.
Thanks a lot kevin!
What should i do when i go to india?:/ should i talk to him?(as i meantioned hez a close relative nd we live in d same building there) ill b there fr a month!
If it's been one month no contact, then yes talk to him.
If it's been one month no contact, then yes talk to him.
If it's been one month no contact, then yes talk to him.
If it's been one month no contact, then yes talk to him.
If it's been one month no contact, then yes talk to him.
Thanks a lot kevin!
What should i do when i go to india?:/ should i talk to him?(as i meantioned hez a close relative nd we live in d same building there) ill b there fr a month!
Thanks a lot kevin!
What should i do when i go to india?:/ should i talk to him?(as i meantioned hez a close relative nd we live in d same building there) ill b there fr a month!
Thanks a lot kevin!
What should i do when i go to india?:/ should i talk to him?(as i meantioned hez a close relative nd we live in d same building there) ill b there fr a month!
Nd forgot to tell u one thing he is a relative of mine so ill be living in the house with him for more than a month! Nd next year i am permanently shifting there!
Rida,
If he doesn't reply, then you wait another month and contact him again. There is always a chance that he won't come back to you. So, instead of asking how much chance there is for him to come back, you should be preparing yourself for the worst case scenario. If he doesn't come back to you, you can still have a fulfilling life without him. You just need to learn to be happy without him.
Nd forgot to tell u one thing he is a relative of mine so ill be living in the house with him for more than a month! Nd next year i am permanently shifting there!
Rida,
If he doesn't reply, then you wait another month and contact him again. There is always a chance that he won't come back to you. So, instead of asking how much chance there is for him to come back, you should be preparing yourself for the worst case scenario. If he doesn't come back to you, you can still have a fulfilling life without him. You just need to learn to be happy without him.
Nd forgot to tell u one thing he is a relative of mine so ill be living in the house with him for more than a month! Nd next year i am permanently shifting there!
Thanks a lot!
But if he doesnt replies after a month also?:(
How many chances are there that he will come back to me!
I want him back at any cost!
I've been with my ex 10 months he broke up with me 4 days ago after a stupid Txt I sent him to get back at him which leaded him to break up with me, he hasn't called or Texted me, I've been blowing up his phone , I'm verry needy, desperate, can't eat can't sleep, cry all day wonder what he's doing he blocked me on Fb and instagtam , so last night late at night when I walked to his house he texts me out of no where saying sorry for the late response I'm sick goodnight . when I Txt him back saying I'm almost outside his house he text back why? How? We talked about how we been these days without each other and he finally told me the truth why can he get back with me ever, that he doesn't want to and doesn't think we are going to get back together. I ask him why if we still love eachother , he's said I was too demanding, impulsive, always nagged always made him feel like everything he did was wrong , he had to serve me food, buy diapers for my daughter he was always there for me , and I never gave him the same back his friends, clients, and family all told him to dump me I was no good for him he said he felt like my lil bitch doing everything for me and he didn't like that today he Texted me 2wice and hasn't replied, I feel horrible after opening my eyes and seeing I was the problem I told him if we could meet up as friends today Cuz I need him as a friend to talk to he said what do you want to talk about and never replied to my texts last night we were holding hands he hugged me tight kissed a couple of times I told him I love him he looked at me for a quick second and said I love you too with a sad face , I begged him many times after I left in a Txt messages I told him we could still work it out just 1 more chance to prove him I won't make the same mistakes again, I feel like if he gives me the chance I would be forgivin for the past I still love him to death he confessed he felt trapped, and couldn't keep going on like that, now he feels like he can breath , like a weight over his back is gone what should I do his birthday is coming up may 13, he gave me no hope that we had a chance to return , I told him I'll give you the time you need n we can start new and fresh a new relationship he said whatever happens happens but I assure u I don't think were getting back together. What should I do I don't want to loose him I feel like if I don't act now we won't be able to get back together
You don't have to act exactly right now. Give him a month to cool off and follow the advise in the article. Trust me, he won't move on in a month.
You don't have to act exactly right now. Give him a month to cool off and follow the advise in the article. Trust me, he won't move on in a month.
Hey Kevin,
My bf broke up with me a few days ago. He told me he needed time to find himself again and that he needed more experience ( since he was a virgin and hadn't been with anyone else before me). He however told me that he didn't want me out of his life and said that he was there for me as a friend. He confessed that he still had feelings for me but that he couldn't go back and forth on what he wanted. I haven't talked to him since then and I accepted his decision because I love him and want him happy. Do you think there's hope for us in the future should I agree to be friends after the no contact period?
Yes, and yes.
Yes, and yes.
Dear Kevin,
My name is Matthew Keller, and last December I had a bad breakup with my ex-boyfriend, Spencer. We only dated for two months and it was all online. He says that I became too dependent on him and became a controlling the last few weeks we were together. I still have feelings for this guy, and he just got into a relationship with another guy and it's tearing me apart. I want really badly to get back together with him, now that I live in the same area as him but I don't know if I messed up too much. I read the guide and I broke almost every rule. He still wants to be friends with me on facebook and altogether, but I can't witness him with another guy, it's too painful. But I also want to be around to get back together with him, very badly.
Hey Matthew,
Follow the advise in the 5 step plan. I know it sucks that he is with someone else, but there is nothing you can do about it and you have to come in terms with that. If it's too hard for you to look at his facebook, you should remove him for a while, at least till the no contact period is over.
Hey Matthew,
Follow the advise in the 5 step plan. I know it sucks that he is with someone else, but there is nothing you can do about it and you have to come in terms with that. If it's too hard for you to look at his facebook, you should remove him for a while, at least till the no contact period is over.
What if you made all the the needy mistakes on break up day. Met her the next day pretty much gave her closure after breakup by saying you also felt things changed and you were ok. Realized you were wrong after no contact for about week and contacted her and met again. She was very sad and cried, but kept firm to her trusting her feelings and how her feelings had changed. We said our goodbyes again. Another week of no contact later you run into her and contact her again she responded with no anger and never ignored text messages stayed adamant about her feeling towards you are different and she cant ignore them. Told you she feels a sadness and sometimes finds herself missing you or things. Constantly told you shes focusing on things that make her happy and staying positive and you need to do the same and stay positive. I had told her I dont think I could ever be just friends with her because I care for her more than that. She said she will always be more than willing to be my friend, if i was willing ,when we can be around eachother and friends without having any emotional connection. But in order for her to heal from this 3 year relationship she cannot be texting or contacting me in anyway. The both of us agreed its the best way to heal. We were always very sensitive about each others feelings through out our relationship. Its obvious she cares for me because she never wanted me to feel like she was turning her back on me by not responding to any of my reaching out attempts but at the same time shes leaving me. I feel like the no contact rule here does not apply and there is no hope? But I know i cannot contact her again because at this point she has repeated herself numerous times and we will reach the annoying stage and probably ignoring. Thoughts?
It seems she is pretty adamant about moving on. I think there is still a chance if you can approach her from a different angle and try to seduce her. You still will have to apply no contact for a month. If you contact her after a month or two, it won't be annoying for her and she will probably even appreciate it.
It seems she is pretty adamant about moving on. I think there is still a chance if you can approach her from a different angle and try to seduce her. You still will have to apply no contact for a month. If you contact her after a month or two, it won't be annoying for her and she will probably even appreciate it.
Hello, I have been looking everywhere for some advice, I was hoping maybe you could help. I have been with my ex boyfriend for 2 and half years. We broke up like 2 weeks ago. I see everywhere about the 30 days no contact. I do not know how to do this we live together and I can not move out until August. I went 3 days of avoiding him but he will just randomly start hanging out with me or start talking to me about his life. He tries to cuddle, make out or have sex sometimes as well this is very embarrassing but I have giving in and done those things. I am confused. I know he loves me and I love him with all my heart. Do I have a chance at getting him back? Have I messed it up so badly by giving in and having sex? Does him wanting to be around me and have sex with me mean he wants to work things out as well?
Kayla,
I don't think you messed up. Everyone has moments of weakness. However, try not to give in the next time. Read this article for details on how to apply no contact if you are living together.
Kayla,
I don't think you messed up. Everyone has moments of weakness. However, try not to give in the next time. Read this article for details on how to apply no contact if you are living together.
My bf and I broke up more than a week ago after a 1 yr relationship. He is very insecure in the inside, although he seems so confident and outgoing on the outside. Ever since I opened up the possibility of me moving. Arguments after arguments started occurring. Also, because of these arguments it finally took its tole on the trust in the relationship and with his insecurities the relationship just sank. Is there any possibilities to make things work? We get on so well but because of broken down communication the issues were not addressed and sorted appropriate.
Yes there is. Apply no contact for a while and then contact him.
Yes there is. Apply no contact for a while and then contact him.
Hey Kevin, me and my girlfriend went out for about 6 months we broke up a month ago mainly because we were arguing over her ex boyfriend after we broke up I called her and texted a lot and she ignored but after time we started talking again but then we argued and I said some messed up things I shouldn't have said and didn't mean so we broke up again I called her and texted a lot again and she finally answered. She said "I was annoying and told me to leave her alone and it's over , I'm sorry have a nice life"So I messed up pretty bad already we removed each other off of all social networks and we blocked each other's phone numbers so we can't call or text each other. So my question is, do i still have chance with her? and if I do after the no contact period how should I contact her?
Yes you do have a chance. You can contact her using the hand written letter.
Yes you do have a chance. You can contact her using the hand written letter.
Hi Kevin! I've been receiving your emails and they do help a lot. Thank you.
I just feel like I need a little bit more of person advice.
After 4 years of an emotional ride, my ex broke up with me saying that he didn't think he loved me enough to continue our relationship. He was (is) my best friend before for years, and during our relationship as well; and said that it was my decision to make, but that we should be just friends.
I am 100% positive that he has feelings for me, and that they are not just "friendly" feelings. We have broken up before once, but I did everything WRONG. I was pushy and needy and I contacted him every second of everyday. We eventually got together again and everything was beautiful, but we never solved our problems so it lead us to break up again, now.
It's been about 20 days. It felt so definitive and I did everything right this time. I haven't contacted him once, unfriended him o FB and Instagram, deleted his number, etc, even though I miss him SO MUCH.
He texted me this sunday, asked me how i was doing, if I had a nice weekend, etc. I responded friendly, said I was doing well (not so real) and that I was having a lot of fun with some friends (real). He said he went to this place wondering if he'd bump into me and I cut the conversation short, saying I was busy and had to go.
I felt so bad after talking to him. I love him so much and I can't be his friend, not yet, and I don't know if even. I think he believes he can be my friend but (maybe I'm in denial) I don't believe him as well. What do you think? Do you think we still have hope? That I can still make it work? Or should I just give up?
I am in NC and I have no intention at all to break it, because when he broke it I felt empty and terrible. I am taking care of myself, working out, having fun, but he's the only thing on my mind in the end of the day.
Well, I guess that's it. Thank you Kevin.
Yes, you can make it work. However, this time make sure you address the issues that lead to the breakup.
Yes, you can make it work. However, this time make sure you address the issues that lead to the breakup.
Hi Kevin, my ex and a broke up 4 months ago after an 8 year relationship (on & off 3 times) we have 2 children together.
Our story is.. 2 years after being with him we had a child he then cheated and we broke up for 8 months until he came crying/begging back. I was still absolutely in love with him so of course I room him back, then after 2 more years we had another child. Whilst I was pregnant he created a massive drug problem (so bad that he ended up in rehab) I don't no how or where it started as I wouldn't even no what it feels like to be on them but it ruined us, after arguments and fights and police and cheating AGAIN I broke up with him AGAIN and told him until he was ready to get off the drugs I no longer want to be any part of it. Probably 10 months later he decided to go to rehab and I supported him through it, 4 months later he got out and we were straight back into the relationship only it was different we still loved each other very much but it was different. 2 months later we broke up, it has now been 4 months (no contact other that the children) i think we both realised it was over. Now he has moved on I am not coping real well, he is now back with his ex of 10 years ago before me. They were together for 2 years and he cheated on her as to why they broke up. I did a little stalk on social media and also sent a few messages (not confessing my love) just asking questions probably about 5. Is there any hope at all (I no he is still sexually attracted to me as he always tries to have sex) up until 2 weeks ago since I found out about him and his be gf. For some reason he is completely mad at me and ignoring me not talking to me at all because I no about him and his new gf. Should I be the one upset? Why is he angry because I no. Anyway is there hope? I can apply no contact although he is very good at that and I think he has applied it. Thanks in advance
I think the reason he is upset is because he doesn't want you to know about his new gf. He is afraid if you find out, you are also going to try to move on and thinking about that scares him. I think you do have hope. But you'll have to get back in touch and talk to him. Follow the plan and do no contact for 2-3 months.
I think the reason he is upset is because he doesn't want you to know about his new gf. He is afraid if you find out, you are also going to try to move on and thinking about that scares him. I think you do have hope. But you'll have to get back in touch and talk to him. Follow the plan and do no contact for 2-3 months.
Hey so um my boyfriend an i have been on and off for over 3 years each time we break up after a month we get back together. This last time he broke up with me he said its because he has alot on his plate and was not happy. He still wants me in his life he said he still cares and he doesnt know about a future for us. Then he saids in about a year we will see where we are at. He has said so many things like he wants to chase me again he liked that. He will say nice things thst give me hope but ifi keep pushing obviously he will get upset. I really want him no other man is appealing to me ive always seen a future with him i dont know what to do i wanna try this planbut because of the on and off history i feel like i have no chance at all. Everyone i know saids forget him and move on.what do you think? Do i have a shot ?
You do have a shot, but keep no contact for at least 2-3 months. And figure out what goes wrong in your relationship that always makes it on and off. Get back with him only if you are sure it will work out this time.
You do have a shot, but keep no contact for at least 2-3 months. And figure out what goes wrong in your relationship that always makes it on and off. Get back with him only if you are sure it will work out this time.
I met my "ex" online, and we only dated for three months. I'm going to be 21, and he's almost 26. It became clear from the start we had a yo-yo relationship. This only complicated things. We already broke up twice. One of them was prompted by a friend of mine, though. About two weeks ago he finally dumped me in some texts (although he'd shown odd, aggressive behavior on our last date.) The reason being that he felt I was "stressful" to put up with, and just generally had wanted to leave for awhile. I had begun walking out on several dates. Even with good reason (medical, phone call, grossed out), he seemed to be tired of it all. He explained he didn't enjoy most of the relationship. I'm confused because when we first started dating, I was "fun, pretty, and a good kisser."
Naturally he was pissed off in one of our last discussions together. Everything that came out of his mouth was insulting. He just went back and forth listing all my shortcomings. He even apologized and wished me the best of luck. Though I didn't feel any of that was sincere.
I've spoken to other people about this problem. Everyone has got the impression that he's a bit of a creep anyway. One friend tried to get us back together. But my ex mentioned something like: "You made some good points, but you took things out of context. I appreciate the concern. ... Goodbye." And so he's just been spurting lines like that nonstop. We deleted each others numbers, he blocked me from viewing his blog (where I left some rude comments.) Pretty much everyone advised me to move on. For some strange reason, I can't stop thinking about him. It seems the relationship was just left unfinished. Also, since our time together was so brief, we never actually had romantic attraction to each other. I feel like that could have worked out.
And finally, he swears he's "done" and "finished" with me. I don't believe it, considering our past history. He just keeps coming right back. Even when I threw this on him, he mentioned: "No, it's ~YOU~ who always comes back to ME." So I don't know anymore. I'm currently applying the NC. I've constantly wished he would secretly show up at my door. Or maybe shower me on my birthday. As much as I wish it I don't think it's gonna happen since we haven't maintained regular contact for awhile now.
What do you think?
It is possible that he will come back again this time. But you really need to take some time off (around 2-3 months) and think whether or not you want to do this for the rest of your life. Don't get back with him unless you are absolutely sure that you two can stay in a committed healthy and stable relationship. If you have any doubts, it's better that you let him go.
It is possible that he will come back again this time. But you really need to take some time off (around 2-3 months) and think whether or not you want to do this for the rest of your life. Don't get back with him unless you are absolutely sure that you two can stay in a committed healthy and stable relationship. If you have any doubts, it's better that you let him go.
Hey Kevin,
My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me about two weeks ago. His reasoning being that we need to get our lives sorted out, with school and other factors being too overwhelming and our relationship slowly decaying from outside stress and lack of variety. He initially said it was a break, then added he didn't know if we would get together again down the road. Some days later he told me he wasn't going to say he loves me anymore, that he did all he could for me but it wasn't enough and he can't keep feeling love for me, thanked me for the good times we've shared, then told me he would always love me and said he'd talk to me again in brighter times because he needed to improve for his "bestfriend" (me) . We didn't talk for a week, but then he emailed me asking how I've been. The breakup came somewhat unexpectedly as we spent the day before together, although he was asking if I felt we were more of best friends or partners.
He also broke up with me for a few days about a month before because he thought our relationship wasn't progressing with my trust issues and phobia of deep commitment and the way I kept dumping my emotions on him because of my depression and negativity due to my family problems. This was also a surprise because he never seemed too annoyed with this in the past. But he came back a week later and we picked things up, but they weren't the same. On the surface everything was fine but I could feel the rift growing deeper despite my efforts to ask him about if I was holding him back or dragging him down but he always responded with things like "no, you lift me up". All of my attempts to bring us closer and talk about the issues that had continued had been dismissed with cheesy unclear answers that proved to be lies because he eventually bailed.
Despite our unstable moments, I love him and don't want him to be the one who gets away. I was depressed and apathetic and negative through a lot of our relationship which ended up pushing him away, but I got out of the rut. While we both need time to continue sorting our lives out, i'm afraid that he will only see me as his "bestfriend" or less from now on and convince himself to move on based on my past behaviour.
I don't think it'll be easy for him to stop thinking of you as a potential lover. Just apply no contact and go on a few dates during no contact.
I don't think it'll be easy for him to stop thinking of you as a potential lover. Just apply no contact and go on a few dates during no contact.
Kevin,
I' m 33 years old and my ex is 32 years old. My ex is very independent, not that much confident and I believe that sometimes she feels depressed. I have also struggled with depression in the past. I have had many relationships that didn't lasted much, one was a 7 year relationship and this one is only 4 months. We got involved quickly; I slept over her place a few times a week. For the last 3 weeks we have said many times that our relationship is over and that we should move on but we keep going back and forward with each other by texting and simply by either finding ways to see each other, either me by going to her house and harassing her by not been welcomed and either by her texting me when I want to move on. It’s like we are playing with each other catch me if you can. She has told me many times to move on and I also have told her to move, she has told me many times during this 2 months that she want to find another man and doesn't want to be with me, but when I try to break up she tells me she wants to remain friends. I told her that I don't want to be friends with her because we both have feelings for each other and I can’t see her with another man at this point. She told at one point that she is dating someone that she declined changing it to that she is just talking to someone. One day she tell me to leave her alone, and when I do that , she comes back saying that she likes me a lot. Now, I try to avoid her and she texts me, I text her and she try to avoid me. She is 32 but really playing like she is 15 now. I m not sure if she is dating someone but if she was why is she still in touch with me and want to be friends but friend in theory as she doesn’t want to hang out at all just to text sometimes when she is lonely. I feel like this is never going to end as both me and her are used to text each other on daily bases. I tried to do NC but I haven’t been successful. Knowing her, she is the one that if I don’t go her way she would try to manipulate me to get to talk to her. Please advise.
She will continue playing this game as long as you let her play it. Let her know that you need some time and space and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a month. Then start no contact.
Do you think this relationship is over or not? She told me that am to pushy with her and I scared her away and that is why she wanted me to move on. She want me to move on but she still likes me. She want to date other people. Is this over and even even worth trying? She is a good girl actually not a slut. What percentage of chance I have to make this relationship works if I do all she ask for?
You have a chance and it's definitely worth trying. I really can't give you figure. All I can say is there is no guarantee and you should prepare yourself for the worst.
Kevin. Last question, She told me to give her the Teddy Bear Back ( I purchased for her during valentine day ) and took it from her last week. Again the same story, she wants to stay friends and date other people. I offered her to come and get the Teddy Bear at my house and than she goes no, its ok, give it to your sister. What should I do ? Last question for you, Thanks a million
Follow the plan. Apply no contact. It doesn't mean anything. She is just confused.
Follow the plan. Apply no contact. It doesn't mean anything. She is just confused.
Follow the plan. Apply no contact. It doesn't mean anything. She is just confused.
Follow the plan. Apply no contact. It doesn't mean anything. She is just confused.
Follow the plan. Apply no contact. It doesn't mean anything. She is just confused.
Follow the plan. Apply no contact. It doesn't mean anything. She is just confused.
Kevin. Last question, She told me to give her the Teddy Bear Back ( I purchased for her during valentine day ) and took it from her last week. Again the same story, she wants to stay friends and date other people. I offered her to come and get the Teddy Bear at my house and than she goes no, its ok, give it to your sister. What should I do ? Last question for you, Thanks a million
Kevin. Last question, She told me to give her the Teddy Bear Back ( I purchased for her during valentine day ) and took it from her last week. Again the same story, she wants to stay friends and date other people. I offered her to come and get the Teddy Bear at my house and than she goes no, its ok, give it to your sister. What should I do ? Last question for you, Thanks a million
Kevin. Last question, She told me to give her the Teddy Bear Back ( I purchased for her during valentine day ) and took it from her last week. Again the same story, she wants to stay friends and date other people. I offered her to come and get the Teddy Bear at my house and than she goes no, its ok, give it to your sister. What should I do ? Last question for you, Thanks a million
Kevin. Last question, She told me to give her the Teddy Bear Back ( I purchased for her during valentine day ) and took it from her last week. Again the same story, she wants to stay friends and date other people. I offered her to come and get the Teddy Bear at my house and than she goes no, its ok, give it to your sister. What should I do ? Last question for you, Thanks a million
You have a chance and it's definitely worth trying. I really can't give you figure. All I can say is there is no guarantee and you should prepare yourself for the worst.
You have a chance and it's definitely worth trying. I really can't give you figure. All I can say is there is no guarantee and you should prepare yourself for the worst.
You have a chance and it's definitely worth trying. I really can't give you figure. All I can say is there is no guarantee and you should prepare yourself for the worst.
Do you think this relationship is over or not? She told me that am to pushy with her and I scared her away and that is why she wanted me to move on. She want me to move on but she still likes me. She want to date other people. Is this over and even even worth trying? She is a good girl actually not a slut. What percentage of chance I have to make this relationship works if I do all she ask for?
Do you think this relationship is over or not? She told me that am to pushy with her and I scared her away and that is why she wanted me to move on. She want me to move on but she still likes me. She want to date other people. Is this over and even even worth trying? She is a good girl actually not a slut. What percentage of chance I have to make this relationship works if I do all she ask for?
She will continue playing this game as long as you let her play it. Let her know that you need some time and space and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a month. Then start no contact.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of about 14 months broke up with me about 2 months ago and we have been on and off since then. But this past week it seems to me that it is clearly over. Our history dates back to when we were in middle school. Yes, we were babies still. We dated for a year but he broke up with me and never spoke to me again. We never contacted one another and he pretty much avoided me like the plague. Years have passed and we met in college. We said 'hi' and went on our ways a couple times. However, one time he turned around and invited me to the movies. Things took off from there and I met his family and they were pretty smitten with me. At first I was unsure of the relationship because after being together for a few months, he still didn't consider me as his girlfriend. But then a month later he was talking to his friend and said, "Yah, I'm with my girlfriend." I'm including this because my ex is...very random in his decisions. At this point, we were usually always together when we were free. Usually it was I who was busy with either work or class but afterwards, we would always be together. After about 9 months together, my dad became very ill and was in the hospital and he became my support. Things went back to normal once my dad was discharged. 2 months later, his mother was admitted to the hospital as her cancer had taken a turn for the worse. She was in there for about a month. She was discharged and things were normal again. However, her condition failed again and this time she didn't make it. This was about a month later. My ex took it really hard and I was by his side until he had to leave for his country to bury his mom there. During his 1 month trip, we skyped as often as we could and when he returned, we were both extemely happy. It wasn't till about 2 weeks later I began to realize be was changing and acting differently. He changed his phone PIN and was very secretive. I eventually found out that he had been facebooking and skype calling this girl from Switzerland every single day. To the point where he ignored me, my calls, and my texts. When I confronted him about it, he said he liked her but loved me. He said he would choose me and then deleted her from skype. However, right after, he created a new skype behind my back just to talk to her. When I confronted him about that he got upset. There is so much more but this comment is becoming so long and I do not want to take up all of your time. He is turning 22 soon while I will be 21 soon. He does not have a job or a clear goal in life where as I do. His mother passed away where as my father recovered. I think all of this is taking a toll on him so he is running away to this other girl. This girl he talks to knows nothing about him because he lies to her about everything. From his academics to his personality. But he has been at this for a over 2 months now and has made it clear that he will put her before me. He talks to her every chance be gets. So I think he is in love with her even though she has a boyfriend and lives in another country. And I recently found out that they are planning to visit each other. So after rambling about all of this, I just want to know if you think there is still a chance of me being with him or if this is really over? If you are wondering why I still want to be with him, it's because I don't want to give up on him just because he is making a mistake. If this whole thing is a mistake, I want to be able to work through this and we can both come out stronger and laugh at our follies later in life. Because I believe we truly love each other on a different level and I'm willing to fight for it if it will work out. But if not, I will move on. I just need some unbiased advice to point me to the right direction.
I agree that you shouldn't give up on someone just because they made a mistake. But only if they realize they made a mistake and they want to learn from their mistake and are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. It seems he is yet to reach the point where he realized he made a mistake. There is nothing you can do unless he reaches that point. I guess, if you already broke up, he is not doing anything wrong technically (apart from the fact that he is lying to that girl). I think you should apply the no contact rule. It's the only way to make him realize your value in his life.
What you say is true. He does need to realize the mistake on his own and if he never does then I guess it was not meant to be. I won't stand for being second in a relationship so I have been very lost. Thank you for your advice and help. I look forward to your daily e-mails. They will become my support I'm sure.
What you say is true. He does need to realize the mistake on his own and if he never does then I guess it was not meant to be. I won't stand for being second in a relationship so I have been very lost. Thank you for your advice and help. I look forward to your daily e-mails. They will become my support I'm sure.
What you say is true. He does need to realize the mistake on his own and if he never does then I guess it was not meant to be. I won't stand for being second in a relationship so I have been very lost. Thank you for your advice and help. I look forward to your daily e-mails. They will become my support I'm sure.
I agree that you shouldn't give up on someone just because they made a mistake. But only if they realize they made a mistake and they want to learn from their mistake and are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. It seems he is yet to reach the point where he realized he made a mistake. There is nothing you can do unless he reaches that point. I guess, if you already broke up, he is not doing anything wrong technically (apart from the fact that he is lying to that girl). I think you should apply the no contact rule. It's the only way to make him realize your value in his life.
Hey Kevin,
Great article!! So my situation goes like this... I dated my boyfriend for 2 years, we met in separate cities, we did long distance for a bit month but he ended up moving to where I live because we wanted to be together so he moved into my apartment. In December he ended up moving back to his home town and then in January he broke it off with me, stating he doesn't want the same things as I do yada yada but told me he loves me very much and will always love me, he just didnt want to string me along. I replied with I understand and that I wished him well, there was no negativity in my letter. I haven't contacted him since (even though I want to tell him so bad i miss him and want to be with him). I recently received a text from him asking me how I am doing, hows my family, what's new etc. I replied to his questions and that was about the extent of our communication. So my question is now that we live in separate cities I cant just cordially ask him for coffee or a drink, so how do I have that interaction so he can see that I have changed to a more positive person? Or now that he moved back is there still hope? I mean we did long distance before, and its definitely do-able I just don't know how we can have that initial meet ? Since he was the first to contact me does that mean I can tell him my feelings? Im so confused any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for your time!!!
You should start communication with him gradually. Don't tell him your feelings immediately. Talk about other stuff and have some fun conversations with him. If you think he is warm and receptive to your calls and texts, then tell him about your feelings.
Kevin,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you do. I really appreciate that you respond to each and every person. Break-ups are tough and its comforting to know there are people like you that are willing to help. Thanks again!!
Christine
You're welcome Christine. :)
Hey Kevin,
quick question... so my ex asked me if i still lived in the same place because he wanted to send me a letter. Its been over a week and no letter, would it be needy if i were to reach out to him and ask casually "where's my letter?" Thanks for the advice, its much appreciated!
Christine
Yes, it would be needy. Wait another two weeks and then contact him casually. Don't mention the letter though.
Yes, it would be needy. Wait another two weeks and then contact him casually. Don't mention the letter though.
Yes, it would be needy. Wait another two weeks and then contact him casually. Don't mention the letter though.
Yes, it would be needy. Wait another two weeks and then contact him casually. Don't mention the letter though.
Yes, it would be needy. Wait another two weeks and then contact him casually. Don't mention the letter though.
Yes, it would be needy. Wait another two weeks and then contact him casually. Don't mention the letter though.
Hey Kevin!
So I took your advice and wrote him a text just telling him a restaurant we used to love closed down. He responded, then also texted me "i have been thinking about you a lot". then asked me if i was still living in the same apartment because he wanted to send me a letter. I am a little scared as he wrote me a handwritten letter to break up with me back in January. Thoughts? Thank you again by the way you are wonderful!
Christine
Don't be scared. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Besides you are already broken up. You should still follow the plan. All the best.
Don't be scared. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Besides you are already broken up. You should still follow the plan. All the best.
Don't be scared. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Besides you are already broken up. You should still follow the plan. All the best.
Don't be scared. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Besides you are already broken up. You should still follow the plan. All the best.
Don't be scared. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Besides you are already broken up. You should still follow the plan. All the best.
Don't be scared. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Besides you are already broken up. You should still follow the plan. All the best.
Hey Kevin,
quick question... so my ex asked me if i still lived in the same place because he wanted to send me a letter. Its been over a week and no letter, would it be needy if i were to reach out to him and ask casually "where's my letter?" Thanks for the advice, its much appreciated!
Christine
Hey Kevin!
So I took your advice and wrote him a text just telling him a restaurant we used to love closed down. He responded, then also texted me "i have been thinking about you a lot". then asked me if i was still living in the same apartment because he wanted to send me a letter. I am a little scared as he wrote me a handwritten letter to break up with me back in January. Thoughts? Thank you again by the way you are wonderful!
Christine
Hey Kevin,
quick question... so my ex asked me if i still lived in the same place because he wanted to send me a letter. Its been over a week and no letter, would it be needy if i were to reach out to him and ask casually "where's my letter?" Thanks for the advice, its much appreciated!
Christine
Hey Kevin!
So I took your advice and wrote him a text just telling him a restaurant we used to love closed down. He responded, then also texted me "i have been thinking about you a lot". then asked me if i was still living in the same apartment because he wanted to send me a letter. I am a little scared as he wrote me a handwritten letter to break up with me back in January. Thoughts? Thank you again by the way you are wonderful!
Christine
Hey Kevin,
quick question... so my ex asked me if i still lived in the same place because he wanted to send me a letter. Its been over a week and no letter, would it be needy if i were to reach out to him and ask casually "where's my letter?" Thanks for the advice, its much appreciated!
Christine
Hey Kevin!
So I took your advice and wrote him a text just telling him a restaurant we used to love closed down. He responded, then also texted me "i have been thinking about you a lot". then asked me if i was still living in the same apartment because he wanted to send me a letter. I am a little scared as he wrote me a handwritten letter to break up with me back in January. Thoughts? Thank you again by the way you are wonderful!
Christine
Hey Kevin,
quick question... so my ex asked me if i still lived in the same place because he wanted to send me a letter. Its been over a week and no letter, would it be needy if i were to reach out to him and ask casually "where's my letter?" Thanks for the advice, its much appreciated!
Christine
Hey Kevin!
So I took your advice and wrote him a text just telling him a restaurant we used to love closed down. He responded, then also texted me "i have been thinking about you a lot". then asked me if i was still living in the same apartment because he wanted to send me a letter. I am a little scared as he wrote me a handwritten letter to break up with me back in January. Thoughts? Thank you again by the way you are wonderful!
Christine
You're welcome Christine. :)
You're welcome Christine. :)
You're welcome Christine. :)
Kevin,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you do. I really appreciate that you respond to each and every person. Break-ups are tough and its comforting to know there are people like you that are willing to help. Thanks again!!
Christine
Kevin,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you do. I really appreciate that you respond to each and every person. Break-ups are tough and its comforting to know there are people like you that are willing to help. Thanks again!!
Christine
You should start communication with him gradually. Don't tell him your feelings immediately. Talk about other stuff and have some fun conversations with him. If you think he is warm and receptive to your calls and texts, then tell him about your feelings.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up about a week ago. I haven't contacted her what so ever and I'm panning to stick to it for about a month or so at least. Hers the full story.
My ex and I starting dating pretty much right after her previous relationship of 8years. She told me that she did resent the relationship and started to resent him and hence why she left him. We met at work and she invited for coffee and cake and that's when we went out on our first date. And we dated for about a year before she ended things with me for the 1st time. Reason was that she wasn't feeling it and that I was suppose to be the rebound. But obviously I turned out to be more than that and I meant more to her than that. And she wasn't ready for a relationship. (We've broken up twice now) she still wanted to talk then about 3 days after we broke up the first time I told her that I thought about it and that I didn't want to talk anymore and that I had to move on. The next day I woke up to a text from her waning to talk. So I called her and she told me that she didn't want to lose me and if she wanted to try a relationship with anyone, that is was me and that she wanted to make more effort and that she wanted to be official (out a title on our relationship) when we got back together she was happy, loving, close and showed all signs of being happy in a relationship with me. Then she caught me texting a girl, who happens to be a female friend from my community. I lied about it and tried to cover it up. Real stupid move by me and I shouldn't have lied about it. I've learnt my lesson the hard way. Ever since that day her trust in me was broken. She tried to give me a chance to make it up to her and earn her trust back. Only a month went by since that day when we broke up again. I felt the relationship wasn't getting better and that things were getting worse and that she didn't trust me at all. She found it hard to believ in anything I said to her. So during the day (before the night we broke up) I wrote a letter so I wouldn't forget what I wanted to say. I went around her house and asked her if she wanted to be with me and she said she didn't know. So I told her what I wrote myself. I apologised for all the wrong I did. Including my jeleousy of her being friends with her ex. Then I explained to her what I was going to talk to the girl, that she saw me texting, about. I told her the truth. I told her that I was going to ask her for relationship advise, and how a relationship should eventuate and be before things get really serious. By that I mean by giving my girlfriend (ex) a promise ring and then eventually getting engaged. I told my ex this and she said it was a big thing for her and that she's not ready for it etc and didn't want it with her ex. I told her that not for right now but that's what I wanted for us to eventuate to and still do want it with her. I told her she was the best thing that has happened to me and that I'll always love her. And I basically gave her a way out. I even told her that I'm giving her the way out and if she decided to end things then I'd understand. She told me that breaking up with me was the hardest thing she had to do because she was losing a close and dear friend as well as a boyfriend. Anyways we had (breakup sex) the night we broke up. I ended up staying over cause she wanted to snuggle. I left in the morning for a doctors appointment and then went back the same morning because I remembered that I had to install the headlight globes that I baught for her car, other wise she wouldn't know how to do it and it wouldn't get done. After that we ended up hugging and kissing again. I told her that she hasn't lost me and that I'll always love her and always be there for her. I told her that I was open to the possibilty of getting back together in the future when she's ready. I asked her if she was and she said that she wasn't going to say yes or no, just maybe. When I asked her a second time she said yes. Maybe she said yes to just shut me up. Then when I had to go we hugged and kissed at the door and then she had tears running down her face. (She started crying). I asked her why she was crying then she said that she was worried about me. I promised her that everything is going to be ok. Then I gave her one last kiss and left. We haven't spoken since. No texts, no Facebook, no calls. No contact. She took her relationship status down a week after we broke up. Even though she said she wasn't ready the main reason was the trust issue that she had with me. Trust was broken and she couldn't get over it.
I need your help. I'm hoping that there's a chance for me to get her back. I love her very much and want to spend my life with her. I want to have a happy and amazing relationship with her.
Is there any chance for me of getting her back? And if so what do I do? I've already started the no contact period.
It hurts not talking to her but I guess it needs to be done for her to start forgetting the negative things about me and to miss me. I hope she does miss me.
Sorry for the short book that I wrote haha
You do have a decent chance of getting back together. Follow the advice in the article. Make a few positive changes in your life during no contact. I think it'll work wonders in your case.
You do have a decent chance of getting back together. Follow the advice in the article. Make a few positive changes in your life during no contact. I think it'll work wonders in your case.
I was a person who used to say the goodmorning first at the start of the day.And he used to respond definitely.But after he brokeup i became very indifferent.Today being his birthday,he smsd me in the morning "i guess you can wish me". What does it mean?
It just means he is expecting you to wish him. Go ahead and do it. There's no harm in it.
It just means he is expecting you to wish him. Go ahead and do it. There's no harm in it.
Split with my ex 6 weeks ago. she is telling my friends that I need to put my energy in getting over her. as she will never get back with me? Is this truth speaking?
Joe
Hi, I've been with my wife for close to 5 years now. She's 27 and in 25. We recently separated in November and in that time frame I no longer had my job and finances played a huge role. Like most couples we fought and disagreed but we loves each other. We stayed in contact during the separation as I continued to build myself but ever since that day I have been looking for ways to become a better man to take care of her. We've even recently attended marriage counseling which I paid for and on our last session she started to open up more to the idea of giving me a chance. To the point that we actually held hands and kissed that night for the first time in months. There have been a few times where I can see she still loves me but has told me she doesn't want to make it work but on out last session she told her family and friends that night that she would give me a chance to work on our problems. We go to dinner with friends that week and the next day I pick her up and we eat good at a public area. She lays it on me that she doesn't have that spark and says that I'm a nice guy and I'm devastated at this point. I don't argue but I did cry...a lot and she said she only agreed to everything because of how persistent I was. The next night I initiated NC on 03-30-14 and this is my last hope I guess you can say. I've made many mistakes in our relationship but there is no doubt she is an amazing woman and I can only hope to better myself and maybe she can see that and I can give her her space to miss me. Can this article help married couples too? Also I believe our divorce is finalized during the NC period. Does that change anything? Thank you!
Hey Pablo,
It has worked on married couples before. And I think you can reignite the spark if you stop chasing her so much. I know you are trying too hard to make it work with her and perhaps that is the reason she feels she has lost the spark. I guess there is nothing you can do to stop the divorce at this point, so no I don't think it changes anything. I hope things work out for you, but you should be prepared for the worst. There is a chance that this might never work and you will never get back with her. You'll just have to endure everything and hopefully come out the other side stronger than ever.
Thank you Kevin for the advice. Honestly, I find it amazing that people like you are willing to help with our problems. I'm sure everyone here agrees that you provide a great service. I'm learning a lot everyday and your advice really hits home. I'm going to continue NC and keep forging ahead. Thank you!
Thank you Kevin for the advice. Honestly, I find it amazing that people like you are willing to help with our problems. I'm sure everyone here agrees that you provide a great service. I'm learning a lot everyday and your advice really hits home. I'm going to continue NC and keep forging ahead. Thank you!
Thank you Kevin for the advice. Honestly, I find it amazing that people like you are willing to help with our problems. I'm sure everyone here agrees that you provide a great service. I'm learning a lot everyday and your advice really hits home. I'm going to continue NC and keep forging ahead. Thank you!
Hey Pablo,
It has worked on married couples before. And I think you can reignite the spark if you stop chasing her so much. I know you are trying too hard to make it work with her and perhaps that is the reason she feels she has lost the spark. I guess there is nothing you can do to stop the divorce at this point, so no I don't think it changes anything. I hope things work out for you, but you should be prepared for the worst. There is a chance that this might never work and you will never get back with her. You'll just have to endure everything and hopefully come out the other side stronger than ever.
Hi
I started the no contact period. It's been 1 week and my ex contacted me saying "Hey u, how r u? How's things with the band, ur car, the process of getting ur pilot license and your family? I've been wanting to msg u but I felt like it was to soon. I still really want to be friends but I understand if u don't want to. I hope your well, don't feel as though u have to reply, I'll understand why (Rhyme not intended)" what do I do? Should I reply? If I should then what should I say?
She broke up with me by the way, (for the 2nd time).
Don't reply. Contact her after no contact is over.
Don't reply. Contact her after no contact is over.
Hey Kevin,
First of all i would like to thank you for creating this wonderful website.
Here is my situation, I am 31 and she is 27. We had a relationship for a little over 9 months. At the beginning it was all love, we spent lots of time together. Later on she wanted me to change and be more aggressive, basically take the lead. I admit that I took the lead but relinquished it to her several times. She always complained that I did not communicate with her; I admit I have communication problems, as I am introverted, but I did tell her things I have not told anyone. As the months went by we fought and made up several times, I always apologized. At around December, she broke up with me stating that I needed to know where I was going and that she was bored out of her mind, I begged when she said this but decided not to contact her. Three days later she said she needed to speak with me, she said she was sorry, but that she wanted to see me succeed in life and she was not seeing that, we got back together… and all seem fine. Couple of weeks later she starts instigating fights for stupid reasons, she invited me to go out to the beach but I said I have a previous commitment, and then she starts to question me and says that I am lying to her. Fast forward to a week later and she again invites me to the beach, I decline because I have to meet a friend for business purposes, she goes irate saying that I am lying to her and to stop the lying. The day off I meet her at a restaurant and she does not even acknowledge me for the first 15 minutes, I tell her I love her and she does not reciprocate. I decided to not call her for a few days since I am pissed and feel disrespected by her. When I call she says we have nothing to talk about and to have a happy 2014. I then panic and send her a letter and gifts apologizing for my mistakes, basically saying I love her. She replies through text and says: you know how important respect is to me; we have nothing to talk about. I respond back though text (given that she does not answer the phone) stating that I want to save our relationship. She replies about 3 to 5 hours later stating: there is no relationship to save. About 4 days later she sends me a letter stating that: I never showed her any love, respect and attention. That she showed me all those things but I never did. She said we can’t be together, that she wants to be with someone who wants to live life and not observe it. That she opened her world to me and i responded with fear and decided to run from problems. She said that a relationship takes more than loving someone and that I will understand someday. At the very end of the letter she says that she loves me very much. It has been two months without any contact. I really do not know how to assess the situation, does she really hates me or do I still have a chance?
Hey Chris,
To be honest, she seems pretty immature about the way she handled the relationship. And from what it looks like, she was the one who was running away from the problems and you were the one who were willing to work through it. I guess you should contact her if it has already been two months of no contact. Send her the letter mentioned in the article and then contact her using texts.
Thanks Kevin,
I will think about it, i yet do not know if i just miss her or want her. during the relationship i got the feeling i was paying for the sina of her past relationship and her father. You see, she comes from a home where her mother is the man of the house and daddy is more of the mother. She even admitted to reprimended her father at several times, which is something i never dare do. Plus she admitted that she respected but did not admire her father, and he seems to be a very loving parent.
Yesterday she contacted my mother via text to let her know that she was taking a class taught by one of my aunts. My mother and her got along very much, but she did not know her prior to our relationship. What is your opinion on this matter?
Thanks Kevin,
I will think about it, i yet do not know if i just miss her or want her. during the relationship i got the feeling i was paying for the sina of her past relationship and her father. You see, she comes from a home where her mother is the man of the house and daddy is more of the mother. She even admitted to reprimended her father at several times, which is something i never dare do. Plus she admitted that she respected but did not admire her father, and he seems to be a very loving parent.
Yesterday she contacted my mother via text to let her know that she was taking a class taught by one of my aunts. My mother and her got along very much, but she did not know her prior to our relationship. What is your opinion on this matter?
Thanks Kevin,
I will think about it, i yet do not know if i just miss her or want her. during the relationship i got the feeling i was paying for the sina of her past relationship and her father. You see, she comes from a home where her mother is the man of the house and daddy is more of the mother. She even admitted to reprimended her father at several times, which is something i never dare do. Plus she admitted that she respected but did not admire her father, and he seems to be a very loving parent.
Yesterday she contacted my mother via text to let her know that she was taking a class taught by one of my aunts. My mother and her got along very much, but she did not know her prior to our relationship. What is your opinion on this matter?
Hey Chris,
To be honest, she seems pretty immature about the way she handled the relationship. And from what it looks like, she was the one who was running away from the problems and you were the one who were willing to work through it. I guess you should contact her if it has already been two months of no contact. Send her the letter mentioned in the article and then contact her using texts.
Umm....what if she is in a rebound relationship with me. the last relationship she had was unfaithful and now im suffering form a heartbreak. what do i do......i mean i've already made all those damn mistakes.
i really want her back, and im willing to take a break for a month or two.
Even if you were the rebound, your best bet is to follow the plan. I'll be honest, your chances are slim to begin with, but if you think she is worth it, then definitely try it once.
Even if you were the rebound, your best bet is to follow the plan. I'll be honest, your chances are slim to begin with, but if you think she is worth it, then definitely try it once.
Hi Kevin,
Malarie and I had been dating shy of three years. Recently she went to Florida to visit one of her single friends. When she came back she broke it off with me and told me that since she was 17 she has been in a relationship and needs time and space and to be single. LOGICALLY, our relationship was great. We rarely fought, we showed eachother affection everyday. We had a cat and loved him to death. We both promote our dreams to eachother, I help her with homework and have promoted her degree (which her parents never did). Throughout the two weeks we have broken up we both have professed our love for eachother (against your rules). She has talked to most of my family members to insist that she just needs to be on her own and that its not me and that she doesnt want them to be upset with her. She insists that she holds hope to be together "one day". When I told her that I didnt believe in "hope" i belived in making things happen she was pretty torn up about it. Right now we have an apartment and she is staying there alone. I have been living at a relatives place. We agreed on breaking the lease but it takes 60 days. So we are FORCED to have contact when figuring out the bills..the cat... ect.. She wants to get her own apartment and live on her own (one of the reasons she broke up with me).
I'm fairly certain that if we saw eachother on the weekend she would intimate with me. I guess I just dont know what to do in this situation. All of your points are correct..I'm scared for a rebound relationship (that was what ours was 3 years ago). We are both "relationship" people, we dont sleep around. I go to the gym, I play music. I'm trying to be positive. I'm setting up a date this Friday (even though i could care less). I just want your thoughts on the situation. I know it sounds like there is more to this...but i really dont think that there is.
David,
It's quite possible that she feels like she needs some single time to figure out herself. A lot of people do need to be single for a while in their life and I think she is being very honest with you about the reason for breakup. I guess the only thing you can do is give her the single time. Even if she goes for a rebound, there is nothing you can do about it. Hopefully, it won't last long this time.
Thanks. So do I do the 30 day thing? Or do I just wait for her to contact me after 30 days? being that she needs alone time, Is it more about when she wants to contact me? I am very proud of the way she wants to find herself, I truly just want her to be happy. Even if it means we are never together again.
It's entirely up to you. If you are willing to wait for more than 30 days for her to contact you, then do so. I think you should just follow no contact right now and decide after 30 days if you want to contact her or not.
Just wanted to let you know your steps worked. I have been back with my girl friend for a year and couldnt be better.
Thank You!
Dave
Thanks for the update David. I am glad my website helped. :)
Thanks for the update David. I am glad my website helped. :)
Thanks for the update David. I am glad my website helped. :)
Thanks for the update David. I am glad my website helped. :)
Thanks for the update David. I am glad my website helped. :)
Thanks for the update David. I am glad my website helped. :)
Just wanted to let you know your steps worked. I have been back with my girl friend for a year and couldnt be better.
Thank You!
Dave
Just wanted to let you know your steps worked. I have been back with my girl friend for a year and couldnt be better.
Thank You!
Dave
Just wanted to let you know your steps worked. I have been back with my girl friend for a year and couldnt be better.
Thank You!
Dave
Just wanted to let you know your steps worked. I have been back with my girl friend for a year and couldnt be better.
Thank You!
Dave
It's entirely up to you. If you are willing to wait for more than 30 days for her to contact you, then do so. I think you should just follow no contact right now and decide after 30 days if you want to contact her or not.
It's entirely up to you. If you are willing to wait for more than 30 days for her to contact you, then do so. I think you should just follow no contact right now and decide after 30 days if you want to contact her or not.
It's entirely up to you. If you are willing to wait for more than 30 days for her to contact you, then do so. I think you should just follow no contact right now and decide after 30 days if you want to contact her or not.
Thanks. So do I do the 30 day thing? Or do I just wait for her to contact me after 30 days? being that she needs alone time, Is it more about when she wants to contact me? I am very proud of the way she wants to find herself, I truly just want her to be happy. Even if it means we are never together again.
Thanks. So do I do the 30 day thing? Or do I just wait for her to contact me after 30 days? being that she needs alone time, Is it more about when she wants to contact me? I am very proud of the way she wants to find herself, I truly just want her to be happy. Even if it means we are never together again.
David,
It's quite possible that she feels like she needs some single time to figure out herself. A lot of people do need to be single for a while in their life and I think she is being very honest with you about the reason for breakup. I guess the only thing you can do is give her the single time. Even if she goes for a rebound, there is nothing you can do about it. Hopefully, it won't last long this time.
Dear Kevin,
My ex and I broke up last month and the reasons he gave me are quite confusing. First he said he needed to break up with me because his family won't accept me as I am not a Pakistani, and when we called last weekend he said he wanted to break up because he doesn't have any feelings anymore for me. I do not know how to find out the real reason behind it, but the only thing I want is getting him back in my life because I am madly in love with him. I met him around one year ago and I broke up with my first ex because of him. He and me were living on a big distance and it would not work out anyway. Meanwhile my second ex had been chasing me for 4 months to convince me that being in a relationship with him was the best thing to happen. I liked him already very much that time and fell helplessly in love with him. The reasons he gave me why he wanted to break up came very unexpected and I don't know about which reason he is lying. We spent some really awesome times together and I would love to get those times back. Besides he wants to continue as friends with me, so somehow I still have the feeling that he cares.
Could you please give me some advice?
Thank you in advance.
Yours sincerely,
Charlie
Charlie,
If his family won't accept you and he is not willing to go against his family, do you think you have a potential for a healthy long term relationship with him? If not, then wouldn't it be better to cut him off from your life and move on? I think you should apply no contact for at least two months and think about it before getting back with him.
Charlie,
If his family won't accept you and he is not willing to go against his family, do you think you have a potential for a healthy long term relationship with him? If not, then wouldn't it be better to cut him off from your life and move on? I think you should apply no contact for at least two months and think about it before getting back with him.
Hey Kevin.
My ex and I are broken up for about a month now. We broke up because of miscommunication. When we straightened things out he said that he thinks its best and he doesn't want to be in a relationship now. So I applied the 5-step plan and he seemed to be wanting to be around me more, but then it stopped and I found out he was seeing another girl whom we were both acquainted with but he asked me to stop talking to her because he didn't like her or the way she behaved. He also hangs out with her in full view when he is the kind of person to keep his business to himself. Is it a rebound relationship? Also I am in no contact with him but he hasn't contacted me except for messages claiming that it was a friend of his messing around with his phone when I received no messages him earlier that day. Its been a little over three weeks since I spoke to him. Is it okay to message him? He can be very stubborn at times and has a policy of "not going back"
I think you should contact him next week.
I think you should contact him next week.
Hi Kevin
I need your advice..My ex texted me last nite..i didnt really read the message..and i have not replied..I have been trying the NC about 2 weeks now..On the Iphone u can see part of the msg on the locked screen without actually having to go into the message..and as far i saw it was an "empty message" jus asking how i am and telling me something about his work..as i said i didnt really go into the message.. Should i reply to the message? and what does his texting me an "empty text" mean exactly? Looking forward to your response
Hey,
I think you should not reply right now. You have great self control to not see the message. If he keeps on messaging you, then let him know you need space and time.
Hey,
I think you should not reply right now. You have great self control to not see the message. If he keeps on messaging you, then let him know you need space and time.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your sites and articles. I have been on and off with this guy for about 5 years now. We havent been official for sometime now, but we live together. We've been living together since September 2011. Yesterday we finally had a conversation about everything going on. He mentioned that he doesnt see himself with me and doesnt know why. Long story short, at the end of it all, I told him how I felt and asked him to deeply really think about it again, to weigh out its pros and cons because the fact that we havent really taken our relationship to its highest capabilities, its worth giving a try. He promised that yes, he will really think about it. I know I want to give him time, but again, we live in a 1 bedroom apartment together, and there's no other place right now i can go to give him the "no contact" and time to himself to really think and "miss" me. I dont know what to do Kevin. I dont want to lose this guy, but i feel like i am going to. I plan on keeping myself busy and occupied during this time he "thinks" about it. And coming home late just to be out of the apartment for most of the evening cause thats the only thing i can think of about giving him "no contact"
whats the best thing i can do? do i even stand a chance?
Yes, you do have a chance. What you are planning to do is the best thing you can do.
Yes, you do have a chance. What you are planning to do is the best thing you can do.
Hi Kevin,
First of all, thank God I googled for some advice lol and I found this site, and I was in "WOW", so many things makes so much sense. I have a three (almost four) year old son with my ex boyfriend, we used to live together, and because of trust issues we didn't work out. He was acting very immature, always wanted to be with his friends and never help me out with our son. Due to him being abusive, we separated and almost three years will be in September this year of not living together. We have had our sleep over moments, and still jealousy nonsense at times, where he will get bothered if I went out to a club or just out with friends; I am independent and live with my child, of course he has visitation rights but only have our son once or twice during the week, never a weekend. Recently, he has his new "girlfriend" around my son everytime my son is over... it bothers me, but I don't waste time arguing, so when I am calmed he comes at me with texts and calls unexpected with he still wants to hook up or he still loves me and will always love me, I am the best mother and woman he ever met and thanks God for me, etc. At other times, he acts different and cruel and will make me feel bad about my image and call me fat sometimes... Before my son was born, we were already in a relationship for almost 4 years; just thought you should know. Yesterday after he dropped off my son at daycare, we spent like almost 2 hours on the phone, talking about the whole situation, about almost everything that was bothering me about his girlfriend trying to make my son call her mommy and imature things like that, I never met her and don't plan to, since my ex himself said she is not his real girlfriend..I feel like my ex will never grow up at times..or he doesn't know what he wants, he is 29 this year, I just turned 27. He said he was sorry for the pain he caused me, and if he ever finds out that I've been with another man, he will not be able to get over that and not be able to be back with me.. *I am confused with those words, I don't know what to think about what he said.* Even though he is dating someone, do I still have a chance to get him back to me if I were able to forgive him? I don't know what to do? Should I do the 30 to 2 months no contact plan, and since we have a child, only pass the phone to our child and let him speak to his dad... PLEASE ADVICE ME.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME.
He is saying that just so he can have you as a backup. The thought of you moving on scares him and he is using this as a bait to keep you from moving on. Yes, do 2 months no contact. Then get back in touch with him. Have a few fun dates with him, and then give him an ultimatum. Either he commits to you or you move on. Be prepared and don't think of it as a bluff. He might try to call your bluff and say that he can't commit. If he does say that, move on and start dating other guys. When he realizes what he is losing, he will probably come crawling back to you.
Kevin, thanks for replying, I started the no contact yesterday, and since we have a child together, he calls everyday, but im just passing the phone to our three year old and let them speak and then hang up. Ive not texted or called him at all. Im going to do two months no crossing words with him, which the fact that our son's birthday is coming up in May im a little upset and dont want to sound bitter but know that his new girlfriend will be present at.my son's birthday party that his dad throws. (Every year i celebrate my son birthday on a saturday and my ex celebrates it the sunday, next day after.)
Sounds like a good plan. All the best.
Sounds like a good plan. All the best.
Sounds like a good plan. All the best.
Sounds like a good plan. All the best.
Kevin, thanks for replying, I started the no contact yesterday, and since we have a child together, he calls everyday, but im just passing the phone to our three year old and let them speak and then hang up. Ive not texted or called him at all. Im going to do two months no crossing words with him, which the fact that our son's birthday is coming up in May im a little upset and dont want to sound bitter but know that his new girlfriend will be present at.my son's birthday party that his dad throws. (Every year i celebrate my son birthday on a saturday and my ex celebrates it the sunday, next day after.)
Kevin, thanks for replying, I started the no contact yesterday, and since we have a child together, he calls everyday, but im just passing the phone to our three year old and let them speak and then hang up. Ive not texted or called him at all. Im going to do two months no crossing words with him, which the fact that our son's birthday is coming up in May im a little upset and dont want to sound bitter but know that his new girlfriend will be present at.my son's birthday party that his dad throws. (Every year i celebrate my son birthday on a saturday and my ex celebrates it the sunday, next day after.)
He is saying that just so he can have you as a backup. The thought of you moving on scares him and he is using this as a bait to keep you from moving on. Yes, do 2 months no contact. Then get back in touch with him. Have a few fun dates with him, and then give him an ultimatum. Either he commits to you or you move on. Be prepared and don't think of it as a bluff. He might try to call your bluff and say that he can't commit. If he does say that, move on and start dating other guys. When he realizes what he is losing, he will probably come crawling back to you.
I and her met last Thursday and I was the one who asked for her number. Then we hanged out the next day and showed great interest in each other. We went out all the following days since then until yesterday April 1, while we were texting she made a joke of breaking up and she got me panic! But we still went out on that day and in the evening when we were texting this time I made a joke of breaking up but this time she said she wants to break up seriously! She said I'm too serious and she's not good enough and it's just been a few days but I said my feeling for her is very real that those days mean alot to me! She completely avoided me the next day and eventually told me that she doesn't like me anymore! Me and her had completely true feelings for each other and I know it's not that easy for her to make such decision but she's just giving me excuses to break up! It's all of a sudden like I was in heaven yesterday and now.. I'm in hell! How do you think I should act?
Ignore her for a month and then contact again. You don't have true feelings for each other. You barely even know each other.
Ignore her for a month and then contact again. You don't have true feelings for each other. You barely even know each other.
First of all, thank you for such a wonderful tool that you created, it gives me a sense of perspective in life in this difficult moment. Based on the book I am at death's door. To make my story short I was in a 9 year relationship with my girl friend started dating when we were teenagers and now in our late 20s. I am in a difficult situation right now because I have broken a promise to her. During the 9 years of our relationship, we already broke up (2nd year of our relationship) because I accidentally hit her due to her serious jealousy. We broke up for 2 weeks (that was the worse time of my life) and then get back with each other. At that time I promised to her and to God that I will never hit her again. Time has passed and I graduated with my own career and started a new job and was about to propose to her this summer. On March 29th, 2014 (now on our 9th year), we went to club with my workmates. One of my workmates asked me to pushed him to dance with another friend. I did it for fun while dancing in the club. I was stupid that I told my girlfriend that I felt so bad after doing that. My girlfriend got mad at me since she hates the fact that the my guy friend already had a girl friend and told me why I care so much about the the girl. I was such an asshole. We had an argument in the club and because both of us were drunk, she was nagging me too much and I again accidentally slap her face. I felt so bad. I knew I did a mistake. We already had a talk, and it was a bad talk she decided to end the relationship while I was begging to win her back and I will change. Now the tool seems to make my healing a little better although there are times that I want to contact her again. I am just wondering about the magic letter. How do I tailor my writing for the magic letter since she is really scared of me know and she said she lost all the love for me after I hit her. She also said that I broke my promise to her before and now her family especially her mom cursed me to death. I know I'm on a big mess. I need her in my life, we were close to getting married. I am healing myself too, and attending anger management session. I also want to ask, when do you think is the time frame to send the magic letter? I know she is going in another direction now and she is indifferent as evident by blocking me in facebook, not answering to my texts, and having her mom cursed me. Would you help me how to do this? Also her mom is messaging me and I keep on replying to her mom to explain my side. The hardest part is I lose my soon to be wife.
Liro,
I think you should wait a month. I don't think she is indifferent, she is just angry. You have a pretty good chance, in my opinion. Although, everything depends on whether or not she can forgive you this time.
Liro,
I think you should wait a month. I don't think she is indifferent, she is just angry. You have a pretty good chance, in my opinion. Although, everything depends on whether or not she can forgive you this time.
Hello Kevin. I feel confused...
You say I shouldn't contact him, but then you also recommend Ryan's system and in his system for Drift it tells me NOT to lose contact.
What should I do? I feel so confused :(
To make our long story short: we were ok, and I DID act needy, but what mostly broke our relationship is my probably irreparable problems with my mother (too overprotective even though I´m 25) and that he felt a lot of pressure from my family because they asked him about his career and future (his family is adorable and they love me, I didn't spend a lot of time with them, so they didn't ask ME those question, they just accepted me with open arms).
I do feel I love him, I also know he needs to mature, but I love him now just the way he is, with all his good, bad and ugly.
My main fear is he's VERY stubborn and even if he has feelings for me, he will act as he doesn't care because he doesn't need drama in his life. I don't intend to give him more drama, I just want to share happiness!
So, please, any thoughts? comments? what should I do?! Not contact them?! or act as their friend and work my way from there all over again??
Help :'(
Hey Eri,
It's your call. If you think you acted too much needy and your ex needs some time to forget about all the negativity of the breakup. Then do no contact. IF you think you need some time to put yourself together before contacting your ex, do no contact. I usually always recommend no contact and then follow Ryan's system. But if you think that you can handle communications with your ex right now and he will be warm to you when you contact him, then go ahead and do it.
Yes, thank you, I think I will follow the NC plan for 30 days so his negative thoughts on me disappear, then go on with Ryan's system.
Another question: he said right now he doesn't have feelings for me "not positive nor negative" so he's basically indifferent, in your experience, will the indiference continue or will he act friendlier? I DO need to see him (and kinda hoping to do so and show him, even if it's faking it, that I'm ok with the break-up) because I need to deliver some cupcakes for his cousin's birthday party. Of course, given the circumstances, I will handle it professionally and won't even discuss our former relationship, you know, I'll just be nice, natural and friendly.
Do you think that's a good plan? Maybe get him out of the idea that I'm heartbroken and hopefully that will make the friendly approach much easier.
Of course, I am aware it's wishful thinking, and that things may not come out the way I'm hoping for. But I'm trying to stay positive :).
Also I really DO want his friendship back, first things first, if that does end up successfully or not in us getting back together, that'll be another story (crossing my fingers!!!), but for now I want to get him back AS A FRIEND! He means THAT much to me ♥.
Thanks, regards.
Eri
I don't think he can be indifferent. It takes quite a while after a breakup for someone to become indifferent to their ex. Perhaps, he is lying or perhaps he is mistaking his confused feelings as indifference.
I don't think he can be indifferent. It takes quite a while after a breakup for someone to become indifferent to their ex. Perhaps, he is lying or perhaps he is mistaking his confused feelings as indifference.
I don't think he can be indifferent. It takes quite a while after a breakup for someone to become indifferent to their ex. Perhaps, he is lying or perhaps he is mistaking his confused feelings as indifference.
I don't think he can be indifferent. It takes quite a while after a breakup for someone to become indifferent to their ex. Perhaps, he is lying or perhaps he is mistaking his confused feelings as indifference.
Yes, thank you, I think I will follow the NC plan for 30 days so his negative thoughts on me disappear, then go on with Ryan's system.
Another question: he said right now he doesn't have feelings for me "not positive nor negative" so he's basically indifferent, in your experience, will the indiference continue or will he act friendlier? I DO need to see him (and kinda hoping to do so and show him, even if it's faking it, that I'm ok with the break-up) because I need to deliver some cupcakes for his cousin's birthday party. Of course, given the circumstances, I will handle it professionally and won't even discuss our former relationship, you know, I'll just be nice, natural and friendly.
Do you think that's a good plan? Maybe get him out of the idea that I'm heartbroken and hopefully that will make the friendly approach much easier.
Of course, I am aware it's wishful thinking, and that things may not come out the way I'm hoping for. But I'm trying to stay positive :).
Also I really DO want his friendship back, first things first, if that does end up successfully or not in us getting back together, that'll be another story (crossing my fingers!!!), but for now I want to get him back AS A FRIEND! He means THAT much to me ♥.
Thanks, regards.
Eri
Yes, thank you, I think I will follow the NC plan for 30 days so his negative thoughts on me disappear, then go on with Ryan's system.
Another question: he said right now he doesn't have feelings for me "not positive nor negative" so he's basically indifferent, in your experience, will the indiference continue or will he act friendlier? I DO need to see him (and kinda hoping to do so and show him, even if it's faking it, that I'm ok with the break-up) because I need to deliver some cupcakes for his cousin's birthday party. Of course, given the circumstances, I will handle it professionally and won't even discuss our former relationship, you know, I'll just be nice, natural and friendly.
Do you think that's a good plan? Maybe get him out of the idea that I'm heartbroken and hopefully that will make the friendly approach much easier.
Of course, I am aware it's wishful thinking, and that things may not come out the way I'm hoping for. But I'm trying to stay positive :).
Also I really DO want his friendship back, first things first, if that does end up successfully or not in us getting back together, that'll be another story (crossing my fingers!!!), but for now I want to get him back AS A FRIEND! He means THAT much to me ♥.
Thanks, regards.
Eri
Hey Eri,
It's your call. If you think you acted too much needy and your ex needs some time to forget about all the negativity of the breakup. Then do no contact. IF you think you need some time to put yourself together before contacting your ex, do no contact. I usually always recommend no contact and then follow Ryan's system. But if you think that you can handle communications with your ex right now and he will be warm to you when you contact him, then go ahead and do it.
My ex and I had been seeing each other for almost a year, about 10 months. Things seemed to be going really well and then February hit and I could feel him pulling away from after about three weeks of that he broke up with me pretty much out of the blue. During the break up conversation he said he wanted to take a break but I told him that we either stay together and work on things or we break up forever. His first question was "why does it have to be forever?" but ultimately said "I don't know what I want, I don't want to be in a relationship right now." and finally,"We just need to break it off." It has been 5 weeks since we broke up. He almost had immediately started hanging out with much younger girls, that look NOTHING like me, and act NOTHING like me. Also, these girls would post something on social media network but as soon as I saw it, I believe, he would ask them to delete it or take it down. I contacted his sister about who these girls were, hoping she wouldn't mention it to him but of course she did, in which he told her that these girls were "just friends" and nothing more. I know for a fact that he was hanging out with them in a way that wasn't just innocent friendly way. I did contact him during the 30 days time of no contact period, mostly I had legitimate reasons, i.e. debit card, spare car key, gym membership, our dog that went missing..ect., but there were two times that I contacted him being angry and needy. I am trying to move on but I still get the gut feeling that there is still more going to happen between us. Should I restart no contact time with him, are those just rebound relationships, the reason he's not posting these pictures so that I don't see them and think he has moved on, is there a chance that we could get back together. We had an awesome relationship, and I felt really brought the positive out in each other. I want my focus to be on myself and being a better person for me but I can't help to wish we could work things out together. The break up was out of the blue, and it is still unclear of the real reason we broke up.
Yes, start no contact again and follow the plan. The fact he doesn't want you to see it means he still cares about you two getting back together in the future.
Yes, start no contact again and follow the plan. The fact he doesn't want you to see it means he still cares about you two getting back together in the future.
Hie
My boyfriend and i have been going out for seven months we met in China were we are studying and when we started going out he told me he had a girl and i had one too from our home country..we agreed to let them go but we both didnt but finally i did last month..juc 2 days ago i noticed his chat with the girlfriend and told me they were still going together and its been three years now...now my boyfriend is saying he loves me and was going to let her go which he did and saw their chat but now i nolonger trust him thesame way but i love him so much and am willing to continue with him...the problem is that he is sometimes saying he just wanna let us both go and we dont deserve to be hurt and we should move on and sometimes he says he chooses me but i dont want to i think we just both need some time because he is also scared i am going to hurt him like he did which i am not going to do and that things might never be the same again...what should i do...i really love him and even carrying out the no contact thing will be hell for me...
You do need some time away. I know it will be hard but I think it'll be worth it.
You do need some time away. I know it will be hard but I think it'll be worth it.
I was with this guy for 4 months. We seen each other at least once a week, we work opposite scheduled, live about 45 minutes away from each other, and he has a son every other week, so it is hard for us to see each other a lot. I never met his son, we tried different times, but him being 2.5 years old his moods change fast and it never worked out, but we talked about it quite a bit. He told me he has never introduced someone to his son, because he doesn't want to bring people in and out of his life, so by him wanting me to meet, him really shows what he thought of me and us. We had a great time and always had fun on our dates, and we were even starting to plan a trip together. I met his parents and closest friends, and he has met mine. We started talked about moving in together this summer, and talked about the future. (he brought all this up) He told me many times that he has never been with anyone like me, and I am the only good thing he has in life other than his son. He also said that he has never had anyone by his side, and supported him. His last relationships have ended badly, and they have not treated him very well. He was married for a short time, but it ended badly due to his ex not wanting to spend time with him and their son. He has been divorced for about a 1.5 years.
But almost a month ago he just stopped calling or texting. I texted him a couple times, and got no response. I called him and no call back (this was over a two week time) I gave him a couple of weeks of no contact, and texted him asking if he wanted his stuff back, and no response. So I mailed him his stuff, with a nice letter saying I hope he was ok, and that I truly cared about him and wanted to be that one person that he never had. I was very nice, and said nothing bad. I told him that I have been praying for him, and will be here if he needs me. I mailed it last week, and never heard from him.
Before this he called me everyday just to say hi, or to say how much he missed me. The last time I seen him, he met a couple of my friends, and told my friends they will be seeing a lot of him, because he is going to be around me a lot. He gave me a big hug in front of everyone at his work. (he works at the mall, and my friends and I were shopping that's why I was at his work) He called me the next day, but I missed his call, called him back but didn't answer, but then sent me a text saying he would call me right back, he never called back. That was the last I heard from him. I texted him the next day to say the ticket prices dropped for our trip and I was going to book it. But wanted to make sure he was in, otherwise I would lose the money. No response.
I know that he is going through a lot of personal stuff, and has turned to me many times since we met. His ex is not so nice to him, and she is always putting him down as a person, and as a dad. His parents have been doing the same thing to him. He told me different times that he was sorry he has been distant (usually when no contact to 2-3 days). I am more than understanding and was there for him when he needed me. And I don't expect to hear from him everyday, I don't need to talk with him all the time, I have a life as well. But to not hear from him in 2 weeks, then ignore my calls/text, is not ok with me. I still really care for him, and I just don't understand how he can say so much and talk about the future one day, then the next day nothing. How do ones feelings change that fast, especially when he brought up moving in together, trips, future plans, ect.?
My gut is telling me that he is just taking time to figure out his personal stuff, and he doesn't want to hurt me during this time. I am not sure if I should give him time and see if he reaches out to me. Or if I should just move on and start seeing other people.
I think the best course of action is decide how long are you willing to wait for him. Give yourself a time limit and if he doesn't reach out to you in that time, start moving on.
The no contact rule won't apply to my situation. Or do I give him 30 days and try to contact him like you say above with a positive text or letter? And in the mean time don't answer his text or calls if he does end up reaching out to me. I just don't know if he still cares and is going through a lot or if he just isn't interested anymore.
If he reaches out to you, answer him. You should give him 30 days and then contact him using a letter.
If he reaches out to you, answer him. You should give him 30 days and then contact him using a letter.
If he reaches out to you, answer him. You should give him 30 days and then contact him using a letter.
If he reaches out to you, answer him. You should give him 30 days and then contact him using a letter.
The no contact rule won't apply to my situation. Or do I give him 30 days and try to contact him like you say above with a positive text or letter? And in the mean time don't answer his text or calls if he does end up reaching out to me. I just don't know if he still cares and is going through a lot or if he just isn't interested anymore.
The no contact rule won't apply to my situation. Or do I give him 30 days and try to contact him like you say above with a positive text or letter? And in the mean time don't answer his text or calls if he does end up reaching out to me. I just don't know if he still cares and is going through a lot or if he just isn't interested anymore.
I think the best course of action is decide how long are you willing to wait for him. Give yourself a time limit and if he doesn't reach out to you in that time, start moving on.
My girlfriend and I were together for almost 5 years. Everything was going well, we were in love and all. She broke up with me out of the blue a couple of days ago. I didn't understood anything cause everything was going well. She told me that she sees me as her best friend and her family, but that she is now deeply unhappy with herself and that she was lost, and that she wasn't able to love me like a lover. And that she doesn't think we are meant to be. But we were talking about our future pretty often. So i am really confused. I now understand that she is really depressed and needs help from professionals. But she doesn't want me around. I feel horrible knowing that my best friend and the one i love is suffering and that i can't help. She asked me not to message/call her for a moment. That if we were meant to be we would get back together, but for the moment she wants to be alone. I really think this girl is the love of my life. We're been through difficult times before, like a long distance relationship for a couple of months. We are both 23. I'm still in school and she just started a new job. So we are both at a pretty stressfull and incertain time in our lives. I'm ready to do the NC, but I am also very worried about her and want to show her support...
I am in a similar situation. The guy I was seeing for 4 months, has been in a dark place for the last couple months. He turned to me different times to vent what was going on, and he cancelled plans one time saying he just needs to be alone because his head is not in the right place. But a couple weeks ago he just stopped all forms of communication, and never told me why. My gut is telling me that his personal life just got to be too much, and he is taking some time to figure it all and work through it. But I want him to know that I am here for him, if that is truly what is going on. We also talked about the future, and he treated me so good. The month before was the closest we had ever been, and everything was going great. I am not sure if the NC will work but I think giving her some time is what she needs. She might be a retreater meaning she pulls away from the people that she is closest to and needs her time in order to work through what is going on in life. But also make sure you let her know that you are there for her, and if you truly love her make sure you let her know that, and check in on her time to time to make sure she is ok. Depression is a hard thing to understand and to work through
Chloe,
I don't think there is anything you can do unless she deals with her depression. If she is suffering from depression, no contact rule isn't going to work either. You can tell her that you will be there for her and support her whenever she needs you. But that's all you can do. I am sorry it had to be this way.
I am in a similar situation. The guy I was seeing for 4 months, has been in a dark place for the last couple months. He turned to me different times to vent what was going on, and he cancelled plans one time saying he just needs to be alone because his head is not in the right place. But a couple weeks ago he just stopped all forms of communication, and never told me why. My gut is telling me that his personal life just got to be too much, and he is taking some time to figure it all and work through it. But I want him to know that I am here for him, if that is truly what is going on. We also talked about the future, and he treated me so good. The month before was the closest we had ever been, and everything was going great. I am not sure if the NC will work but I think giving her some time is what she needs. She might be a retreater meaning she pulls away from the people that she is closest to and needs her time in order to work through what is going on in life. But also make sure you let her know that you are there for her, and if you truly love her make sure you let her know that, and check in on her time to time to make sure she is ok. Depression is a hard thing to understand and to work through
Chloe,
I don't think there is anything you can do unless she deals with her depression. If she is suffering from depression, no contact rule isn't going to work either. You can tell her that you will be there for her and support her whenever she needs you. But that's all you can do. I am sorry it had to be this way.
Hi Kevin...I hope you can help me, it's hard for me to write this on a public forum because my ex is married. When we first hooked up, it was a friends with benefits situation, but it quickly progressed into a lot more. Our relationship lasted just over 2 years and in that time we fell deeply in love things went well past a sexual relationship - where we could spend hours together just watching tv, talking or just hanging out. His wife caught him the first time about a month after it started and he agreed to end things and go to therapy with her, which he did, however our relationship started back up a few weeks later. About 6 months after that, she saw some texts between us, however our relationship continued as did their couples therapy. Prior to us being together, their relationship was bad - we have mutual friends who knew how bad things were there, but for some reason they stayed together. Note that they are both in their mid 50s. As I mentioned, things became really serious between us over the past 6-7 months and we both talked of making things permanent (I am married as well). Very recently he was caught again and tossed out of his house. We talked just after this happened and he said that he loves me and that his feelings haven't changed but right now needs to get his head together and figure out where his life is going. I told him that I understood and that I would leave him alone and left it that I was there for him if he needs to talk but added that I didn't want anything further in the way of a relationship with him until he works through his issues and knows where his life is taking him. As a result I haven't heard from him in about 2 weeks and have made no further contact myself. One further thing to add, we do work for the same company and our paths cross every now and again via work related emails which I have kept completely professional and business related. I know that I am a terrible person for doing this and I hope not to be judged too harshly, but I really hope you can let me know if there is any chance of a future for us getting back together. I also understand that married men will say anything to keep their girlfriends in tow including promising to move out, leaving their wife, etc however in this case our relationship surpassed everything that both of us had ever expected a the relationship. Neither of us had made any specific plans to leave our respective spouses, however it would have happened in the next year if not sooner. Our mutual friend has said that it is a lot different for him being kicked out so abruptly as opposed to him leaving on his own and that his world is up in the air right now. I understand this and don't want to seem selfish, but do you thing there is any chance for us in the future?
Patricia,
You do have a chance. You just need to give him some time to sort it out. However, there is also a chance that he will try to work it out with his wife again. You can never know. I guess the only thing you can do is accept whatever he decides to do. Contact him after a month or two casually and ask him how he is doing.
Thanks so much for your help Kevin!!! We were on the phone talking about a completely work related issue today and he said "If I were to ask you out for coffee, if would be a bad idea". I didn't know what he meant, so I just ignored it, then he repeated it a few minutes later, and I just responded "Okay". Not sure where things are heading, but this little bit of communication gave me a bit of hope, though I am going to hold my own and not pursue him - the ball is in his court. I just wanted to thank you for your help - we'll see what happens from here........
Good luck.
Oops - I meant to say "If I were to ask you out for coffee, IT would be a bad idea"
Good luck.
Oops - I meant to say "If I were to ask you out for coffee, IT would be a bad idea"
Good luck.
Oops - I meant to say "If I were to ask you out for coffee, IT would be a bad idea"
Good luck.
Oops - I meant to say "If I were to ask you out for coffee, IT would be a bad idea"
Thanks so much for your help Kevin!!! We were on the phone talking about a completely work related issue today and he said "If I were to ask you out for coffee, if would be a bad idea". I didn't know what he meant, so I just ignored it, then he repeated it a few minutes later, and I just responded "Okay". Not sure where things are heading, but this little bit of communication gave me a bit of hope, though I am going to hold my own and not pursue him - the ball is in his court. I just wanted to thank you for your help - we'll see what happens from here........
Thanks so much for your help Kevin!!! We were on the phone talking about a completely work related issue today and he said "If I were to ask you out for coffee, if would be a bad idea". I didn't know what he meant, so I just ignored it, then he repeated it a few minutes later, and I just responded "Okay". Not sure where things are heading, but this little bit of communication gave me a bit of hope, though I am going to hold my own and not pursue him - the ball is in his court. I just wanted to thank you for your help - we'll see what happens from here........
Patricia,
You do have a chance. You just need to give him some time to sort it out. However, there is also a chance that he will try to work it out with his wife again. You can never know. I guess the only thing you can do is accept whatever he decides to do. Contact him after a month or two casually and ask him how he is doing.
I texted my ex happy birthday (and an inside joke reference) after 2 months of NC. She replied with a neutral text - what now? She also started seeing a new guy.
Wait a 4-5 days and then text her again using text messages in the 5 step plan.
Wait a 4-5 days and then text her again using text messages in the 5 step plan.
I was talking to this guy that I really liked. Things were going great and I pulled away because I was scared of the feelings I was having for him. We went on a date like we normally did several times a week and everything went great. And then I never called him again. He asked what was going on and why I wasn't contacting him much and I simply stated I was just really busy with stuff.
We would see each other every now and then and he'd literally go out of his way to dodge me. That was 6 months ago when we stopped going out. I've literally missed him everyday since that day 6 months ago. Recently, out of the blue I apologized. He called and seemed ok with it. But he hasn't really contacted me much now. He's cordial if I say something via text. I'm not sure if he's with someone else. Should I leave him alone? I know I messed up. And I'm really sorry, but I don't want to look weak or look as though I'm chasing him if I call. Any suggestions?
You should stay in contact with him and even ask him out. If you are not needy in your conversations and when you meet him, it'll not look like you are chasing him.
You should stay in contact with him and even ask him out. If you are not needy in your conversations and when you meet him, it'll not look like you are chasing him.
Kevin,
I wanted to let you know that I appreciate your advice so much, thank you for answering all my questions. Now I have a million more questions for you. I am two weeks into No Contact and I am feeling really good. Although I still think about him all the time, there really isn't any more tears or obsessive memories. I've had an interview so hopefully I am getting a summer job, and I am joining a gym. I realize that I will be fine without him. But I still want him, what we had was really good. What if in two weeks I am too scared to text him? What if we don't get back together? Although I don't think it would be as big of a blow if he doesn't make any moves and it is clear that he wants strictly friends, I still feel like it would be an extreme disappointment. I am not reintroducing myself back into his life for a friendship, I am looking for a relationship, and if that doesn't work then I don't want anything to do with him. Also, last time we talked he was mad at me when I told him I need space and wasn't ready to be friends, what if he is still mad and doesn't want to talk? Then what do I do? And I know you said he wouldn't move on that fast, but like I am feeling decently okay and I wasn't the one who broke it off so what if he is absolutely loving life without me? I'm sorry I know you are a busy person, it's just very confusing being in this situation. I am sure I will have a 100 more questions for you later on that I will ask you to answer so I apologize for that in advance. Thanks again for your advice, I wish I could send you a gift card or something.
If he is still mad and doesn't want to talk, give him another week and then text him again. Although, chances of that happening are less. Maybe he is loving life without you, it doesn't mean he won't love spending time with the new you.
There is always a chance that you won't get back together and I think you have already sort of accepted that. I think you'll be fine whatever happens.
If he is still mad and doesn't want to talk, give him another week and then text him again. Although, chances of that happening are less. Maybe he is loving life without you, it doesn't mean he won't love spending time with the new you.
There is always a chance that you won't get back together and I think you have already sort of accepted that. I think you'll be fine whatever happens.
How can I thank you for this amazing and valuable lessons? Thank you so much for giving me a safe and sane path to moving through this awkward minefield of my relationship! I thought I had found the girl of my dreams- THEN, out of the blue she began drinking and acting 180 degrees away from the person I fell in love with. She is about to leave treatment and we are still not at all aligned as we once were. I lost so much of my self respect and control when this happened that I feel crazy. Everything I have done is all here- and how to "fix" it. To be honest- I don't even care if our relationship gets fixed- I have to find that person I really liked and adored before this all happened- That person is ME! The REAL me. Thanks to you- I now have a road map to how. Thank you so much! I will follow all this advice- what is the worst that could happen? All my best plans went no where fast during this ordeal.
Thank You!
Brian
Thanks for your comment Brian. All the best.
Thanks for your comment Brian. All the best.
Hi Kevin, my ex broke up with me because he is in a transition and finally knows what he wants to do with his life. He's living at home and really wants to get his career going so he can move out and get his life together. He said he needed to focus on himself and grow and that's why he wanted to break up. But he's very much in love with me.
I did the 30 day no contact. Every week he'd still reach out to me and I would basically just ask for space. He'd say things like he misses me, maybe he made a mistake, maybe we can revisit "us" in the future, he wants to fall asleep in my arms, etc. etc.
I did talk to him a little but kept it very short always and never talked about my feelings. After the no contact period I opened up communication a little but still not talking about my feelings and then after he kept saying he misses us and wants to cuddle and this and that I said we either can go down two paths, we become strictly platonic friends or we work on our love for each (potentially getting back together at some point). He changed his tune real quick from missing me to that he still wants to focus on himself but he keeps implying that maybe the sexual stuff could happen. I said hell no.
Basically he goes through moments where he really misses me and that's when he'll say all that stuff but deep down he still wants to stay broken up. He also wants me as a friend but wants to enjoy the intimacy parts even though he SWEARS he doesn't want us to be friends with benefits.
He's still confused and not sure what he wants after a month of missing me. So, I'm at a loss. I feel like if he still doesn't know then it's not gonna happen. He's not ready and needs to do his thing.
I do think I can do the friends thing now so I'm thinking about doing that and being very strict with our boundaries and see if we bond and get closer but I still have a feeling he's gonna wanna just try to get more out of me without the commitment.
What should I do?
Our love for each other runs so deep.
Continue being friends for a while. Let him focus on himself and improve his life. Give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for him. If till that time, he doesn't make a move, you give him an ultimatum. If he says no, move on.
Ok, I'll continue being friends for awhile but I'm not sure how to do it without us losing our connection. I want so badly to be sweet to him and be intimate like he wants to at times but I feel like that would be a mistake because it will confuse him and make me look like I'm chasing. Is that true? When I said we could be friends I said it's strictly platonic. No I love you, no pet names, no physical stuff. Was that the right move? How do we keep our love from dieing? I asked him to do to lunch when he's free and he suggested a place we could go to but isn't making an effort to tell me his schedule or finalize plans. I think it's really important we see each other. It's been a month since we've hung out, but I don't want to be the one who keeps asking about lunch. I feel like he should ask me and I'm sad that he isn't. But he still messages me and tells me he misses me. It's so confusing. How should I act as a friend towards him and how can I get him to meet me for lunch?
You've already asked him. If he doesn't finalize then wait another week or two and then ask him again. If you want, you can start no contact again if he doesn't finalize the plans.Yes, it's true if you be intimate with him, you will hurt your chances of him committing.
Thank you for the great advice. After doing NC and him breaking it constantly I offered to be friends as a way to get rid of the negativity of our breakup and try to reconnect with him but I'm terribly afraid if we go down this friends path he'll place me in the friend zone or become comfortable with us just being friends and I'll be stuck there forever. How do I do a friendship with him and then move to more than friends or progress it so he wants more? How do I avoid just being friends for good? I'm also afraid of getting hurt having false hopes. I feel like friendship could open communication and win his love back but I also am afraid it could just make it easier for him to move on and hurt our chances of getting back together.
There will always be some sort of attraction between you two, so I doubt you will be put in friendzone. You are not really in the friendzone unless he starts discussing his other relationships with you. So watch out for that. Other than that, just continue spending time with him and having fun.
There will always be some sort of attraction between you two, so I doubt you will be put in friendzone. You are not really in the friendzone unless he starts discussing his other relationships with you. So watch out for that. Other than that, just continue spending time with him and having fun.
There will always be some sort of attraction between you two, so I doubt you will be put in friendzone. You are not really in the friendzone unless he starts discussing his other relationships with you. So watch out for that. Other than that, just continue spending time with him and having fun.
There will always be some sort of attraction between you two, so I doubt you will be put in friendzone. You are not really in the friendzone unless he starts discussing his other relationships with you. So watch out for that. Other than that, just continue spending time with him and having fun.
There will always be some sort of attraction between you two, so I doubt you will be put in friendzone. You are not really in the friendzone unless he starts discussing his other relationships with you. So watch out for that. Other than that, just continue spending time with him and having fun.
There will always be some sort of attraction between you two, so I doubt you will be put in friendzone. You are not really in the friendzone unless he starts discussing his other relationships with you. So watch out for that. Other than that, just continue spending time with him and having fun.
Thank you for the great advice. After doing NC and him breaking it constantly I offered to be friends as a way to get rid of the negativity of our breakup and try to reconnect with him but I'm terribly afraid if we go down this friends path he'll place me in the friend zone or become comfortable with us just being friends and I'll be stuck there forever. How do I do a friendship with him and then move to more than friends or progress it so he wants more? How do I avoid just being friends for good? I'm also afraid of getting hurt having false hopes. I feel like friendship could open communication and win his love back but I also am afraid it could just make it easier for him to move on and hurt our chances of getting back together.
Thank you for the great advice. After doing NC and him breaking it constantly I offered to be friends as a way to get rid of the negativity of our breakup and try to reconnect with him but I'm terribly afraid if we go down this friends path he'll place me in the friend zone or become comfortable with us just being friends and I'll be stuck there forever. How do I do a friendship with him and then move to more than friends or progress it so he wants more? How do I avoid just being friends for good? I'm also afraid of getting hurt having false hopes. I feel like friendship could open communication and win his love back but I also am afraid it could just make it easier for him to move on and hurt our chances of getting back together.
Thank you for the great advice. After doing NC and him breaking it constantly I offered to be friends as a way to get rid of the negativity of our breakup and try to reconnect with him but I'm terribly afraid if we go down this friends path he'll place me in the friend zone or become comfortable with us just being friends and I'll be stuck there forever. How do I do a friendship with him and then move to more than friends or progress it so he wants more? How do I avoid just being friends for good? I'm also afraid of getting hurt having false hopes. I feel like friendship could open communication and win his love back but I also am afraid it could just make it easier for him to move on and hurt our chances of getting back together.
Thank you for the great advice. After doing NC and him breaking it constantly I offered to be friends as a way to get rid of the negativity of our breakup and try to reconnect with him but I'm terribly afraid if we go down this friends path he'll place me in the friend zone or become comfortable with us just being friends and I'll be stuck there forever. How do I do a friendship with him and then move to more than friends or progress it so he wants more? How do I avoid just being friends for good? I'm also afraid of getting hurt having false hopes. I feel like friendship could open communication and win his love back but I also am afraid it could just make it easier for him to move on and hurt our chances of getting back together.
You've already asked him. If he doesn't finalize then wait another week or two and then ask him again. If you want, you can start no contact again if he doesn't finalize the plans.Yes, it's true if you be intimate with him, you will hurt your chances of him committing.
You've already asked him. If he doesn't finalize then wait another week or two and then ask him again. If you want, you can start no contact again if he doesn't finalize the plans.Yes, it's true if you be intimate with him, you will hurt your chances of him committing.
You've already asked him. If he doesn't finalize then wait another week or two and then ask him again. If you want, you can start no contact again if he doesn't finalize the plans.Yes, it's true if you be intimate with him, you will hurt your chances of him committing.
Ok, I'll continue being friends for awhile but I'm not sure how to do it without us losing our connection. I want so badly to be sweet to him and be intimate like he wants to at times but I feel like that would be a mistake because it will confuse him and make me look like I'm chasing. Is that true? When I said we could be friends I said it's strictly platonic. No I love you, no pet names, no physical stuff. Was that the right move? How do we keep our love from dieing? I asked him to do to lunch when he's free and he suggested a place we could go to but isn't making an effort to tell me his schedule or finalize plans. I think it's really important we see each other. It's been a month since we've hung out, but I don't want to be the one who keeps asking about lunch. I feel like he should ask me and I'm sad that he isn't. But he still messages me and tells me he misses me. It's so confusing. How should I act as a friend towards him and how can I get him to meet me for lunch?
Ok, I'll continue being friends for awhile but I'm not sure how to do it without us losing our connection. I want so badly to be sweet to him and be intimate like he wants to at times but I feel like that would be a mistake because it will confuse him and make me look like I'm chasing. Is that true? When I said we could be friends I said it's strictly platonic. No I love you, no pet names, no physical stuff. Was that the right move? How do we keep our love from dieing? I asked him to do to lunch when he's free and he suggested a place we could go to but isn't making an effort to tell me his schedule or finalize plans. I think it's really important we see each other. It's been a month since we've hung out, but I don't want to be the one who keeps asking about lunch. I feel like he should ask me and I'm sad that he isn't. But he still messages me and tells me he misses me. It's so confusing. How should I act as a friend towards him and how can I get him to meet me for lunch?
Continue being friends for a while. Let him focus on himself and improve his life. Give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for him. If till that time, he doesn't make a move, you give him an ultimatum. If he says no, move on.
Hi Kevin,
So we broke up on March 30th and I have maintained a no contact just for 2 days. We had a very serious argument and fight that led to our 7 year relationship to end. I know it's my fault, I blame it all to myself because I changed. I tried to chase her and beg that I will change but she did not agree of course because of the pain she felt. I started the no contact today and today she texted me this: "All my family and friends told me not to text you but I want to let you know what did I do to deserve this much pain? How did you end up becoming a monster instead of my prince charming? I hate you so much for breaking my heart, for all the times you shouted at me, for all the times you hit me, for all the times you rushed me. Thanks for breaking my dream of having a fairytale wedding one day. I didn't deserve all that. I don't expect you to reply.I know one day I will be able to move on and start anew. But for now asking for me to forgive you is too much to ask after all the pain you put me through." I know I shouldn't reply or should I. I am trying the no contact rule but it just breaks my heart not to comfort her this time. It was my fault but I want to bring back our relationship together.
Wait for a while before replying. Follow the 5 step plan. You need a month for her to cool off before you do anything.
Hi Kevin,
After a month, if she has not texted me back or made any type of communication with me, what should I reply to her or should I keep the NC? Today she texted me that she remembered that I have the points cards for movies and want it back. What do I reply to her? I want to maintain the no contact for at least a month to heal both of us. Thanks for your reply.
Hi kevin
I left s comment about a week or two ago. I have the on and off relationship. Well i wanted a little more advice. I bought the relationship rewind to help alittle. So my ex wants to stay in contact and i know you said to give it 2 or 3 months.he wants to talk but i dont want to get put in the friend zone permently. He saids i am the only one who can make him so upset because he cares so much. He saids the whole wait a year thing because we need to sort ourselves out. I also found out that day we broke up he asked some random girl out but then he said it was a mistake. He also misses me and saids we lost our foundation for a reltionship andd the whole on and off thing happens because we dont give it time. I just wondered being that he wants to talk and randomly text should i start off with no contact or should i try to be a friend and build from that point?also should i worry that if he dates anyone else it will be serious?im just worried he will forget our 4 years. We have growing up to do and he is scared to grow up he broke downin front of me freaking out. He said he has never broke down like that in front of anyone before idk if that is good.we talked about marriage before all of that for a long time now he saids he cant see himself marrying me but then he saids all i told you above ( he kinda hopes we get back together etc.) He even like 3 months ago randomly talked to me about houses. Should i worry he will forget about me?should i keep contactin the "false friendship" or startno contact?do you think he is just going through a crisis right now?
Sharon,
In my opinion, you do need some no contact to put yourself together before going ahead with the relationship rewind plan. However, if you decide to go ahead right now, even that will be fine. If he does start to date someone, it will probably be a rebound so don't worry about that.
Sharon,
In my opinion, you do need some no contact to put yourself together before going ahead with the relationship rewind plan. However, if you decide to go ahead right now, even that will be fine. If he does start to date someone, it will probably be a rebound so don't worry about that.
Sharon,
In my opinion, you do need some no contact to put yourself together before going ahead with the relationship rewind plan. However, if you decide to go ahead right now, even that will be fine. If he does start to date someone, it will probably be a rebound so don't worry about that.
Sharon,
In my opinion, you do need some no contact to put yourself together before going ahead with the relationship rewind plan. However, if you decide to go ahead right now, even that will be fine. If he does start to date someone, it will probably be a rebound so don't worry about that.
Sharon,
In my opinion, you do need some no contact to put yourself together before going ahead with the relationship rewind plan. However, if you decide to go ahead right now, even that will be fine. If he does start to date someone, it will probably be a rebound so don't worry about that.
Let her know you need space and time and so does she. Also, I replied to your comment here as well.
Hi kevin
I left s comment about a week or two ago. I have the on and off relationship. Well i wanted a little more advice. I bought the relationship rewind to help alittle. So my ex wants to stay in contact and i know you said to give it 2 or 3 months.he wants to talk but i dont want to get put in the friend zone permently. He saids i am the only one who can make him so upset because he cares so much. He saids the whole wait a year thing because we need to sort ourselves out. I also found out that day we broke up he asked some random girl out but then he said it was a mistake. He also misses me and saids we lost our foundation for a reltionship andd the whole on and off thing happens because we dont give it time. I just wondered being that he wants to talk and randomly text should i start off with no contact or should i try to be a friend and build from that point?also should i worry that if he dates anyone else it will be serious?im just worried he will forget our 4 years. We have growing up to do and he is scared to grow up he broke downin front of me freaking out. He said he has never broke down like that in front of anyone before idk if that is good.we talked about marriage before all of that for a long time now he saids he cant see himself marrying me but then he saids all i told you above ( he kinda hopes we get back together etc.) He even like 3 months ago randomly talked to me about houses. Should i worry he will forget about me?should i keep contactin the "false friendship" or startno contact?do you think he is just going through a crisis right now?
Let her know you need space and time and so does she. Also, I replied to your comment here as well.
Hi kevin
I left s comment about a week or two ago. I have the on and off relationship. Well i wanted a little more advice. I bought the relationship rewind to help alittle. So my ex wants to stay in contact and i know you said to give it 2 or 3 months.he wants to talk but i dont want to get put in the friend zone permently. He saids i am the only one who can make him so upset because he cares so much. He saids the whole wait a year thing because we need to sort ourselves out. I also found out that day we broke up he asked some random girl out but then he said it was a mistake. He also misses me and saids we lost our foundation for a reltionship andd the whole on and off thing happens because we dont give it time. I just wondered being that he wants to talk and randomly text should i start off with no contact or should i try to be a friend and build from that point?also should i worry that if he dates anyone else it will be serious?im just worried he will forget our 4 years. We have growing up to do and he is scared to grow up he broke downin front of me freaking out. He said he has never broke down like that in front of anyone before idk if that is good.we talked about marriage before all of that for a long time now he saids he cant see himself marrying me but then he saids all i told you above ( he kinda hopes we get back together etc.) He even like 3 months ago randomly talked to me about houses. Should i worry he will forget about me?should i keep contactin the "false friendship" or startno contact?do you think he is just going through a crisis right now?
Let her know you need space and time and so does she. Also, I replied to your comment here as well.
Hi kevin
I left s comment about a week or two ago. I have the on and off relationship. Well i wanted a little more advice. I bought the relationship rewind to help alittle. So my ex wants to stay in contact and i know you said to give it 2 or 3 months.he wants to talk but i dont want to get put in the friend zone permently. He saids i am the only one who can make him so upset because he cares so much. He saids the whole wait a year thing because we need to sort ourselves out. I also found out that day we broke up he asked some random girl out but then he said it was a mistake. He also misses me and saids we lost our foundation for a reltionship andd the whole on and off thing happens because we dont give it time. I just wondered being that he wants to talk and randomly text should i start off with no contact or should i try to be a friend and build from that point?also should i worry that if he dates anyone else it will be serious?im just worried he will forget our 4 years. We have growing up to do and he is scared to grow up he broke downin front of me freaking out. He said he has never broke down like that in front of anyone before idk if that is good.we talked about marriage before all of that for a long time now he saids he cant see himself marrying me but then he saids all i told you above ( he kinda hopes we get back together etc.) He even like 3 months ago randomly talked to me about houses. Should i worry he will forget about me?should i keep contactin the "false friendship" or startno contact?do you think he is just going through a crisis right now?
Let her know you need space and time and so does she. Also, I replied to your comment here as well.
Hi Kevin,
After a month, if she has not texted me back or made any type of communication with me, what should I reply to her or should I keep the NC? Today she texted me that she remembered that I have the points cards for movies and want it back. What do I reply to her? I want to maintain the no contact for at least a month to heal both of us. Thanks for your reply.
Hi Kevin,
After a month, if she has not texted me back or made any type of communication with me, what should I reply to her or should I keep the NC? Today she texted me that she remembered that I have the points cards for movies and want it back. What do I reply to her? I want to maintain the no contact for at least a month to heal both of us. Thanks for your reply.
Wait for a while before replying. Follow the 5 step plan. You need a month for her to cool off before you do anything.
Hello Kevin,
what do you make of this: My boyfriend broke up with me exactly 3 month after we started dating. Before we got together we knew each other for about a month and both of us had just come out of a 5 year relationship. When we started dating we were crazy about each other. We spent almost 5 weeks of seeing each other every day. After 1 month of being together he bought me 1 month -anniversary flowers. He tells me he loves me. Soon there after he gave me the key to his apartment. I had the best Valentines Day ever. Maybe 3 weeks later things started to slow down. From a "million" txts a day to 3,2,1. From nicknames in the txts to just Hi. Also less physical closeness. No affection. He was being cold. Then I asked him about it and he told me that he is not ready for a relationship, but he thought he was. He tells me that he is not happy with his life and his career. He said that I deserve someone better. Says his feelings changed and keep going back and forth. He explains he did all the things, because he was falling for me. But he is breaking up with me. He hugs me good bye and kisses me like we were first dating and nothing ever happened. He says he wants to stay friends and not loose me as a friend. The following 2 days he txts me. Then nothing. I did not see him for 5 days, but then I did because we go to the same gym. He made small talk, said good seeing you sweetie and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Since then I have seen him twice at the gym - we did some small talk. That is it. He called me once in between to invite me for dinner. I declined. Before hanging up the phone he calls me a nickname and blows me a big kiss through the phone. I think he was drunk. Through a mutual friend I learned that he is not handling the break up well. All my friends are shocked that he broke up, because they said we looked so happy. My question is should I change gyms? I really do not want to because it is my gym too and I have been there for years. On the other hand, I am dreading going because I will see him and it is very hard to handle for me. I am an emotional wreck and my heart is broken into pieces. Any advise would be appreciated! Thank you!
Nita,
You should not change your gym. If possible, try to go at a different time than his. Also, you should consider the possibility that he entered this relationship too soon and you were a rebound.
Nita,
You should not change your gym. If possible, try to go at a different time than his. Also, you should consider the possibility that he entered this relationship too soon and you were a rebound.
Hi Kevin,
Im needing some advice. Heres my story.
My ex fiancé an I had been together for almost 7 years and we have a 20 month old child together, we started living together after 3 months. We have had issues for a few years regarding me working but I have put it off since I wanted to be a stay at home mum. One day he is fine about it, the next he is so annoyed about it. We had decided to have 6 months apart and live separately but still remain together so I could work on getting myself together as I was starting to study. All of a sudden when I was coming home with things I needed for my new place for my daughter and I, he started getting angry and saying that I was taking to long to move out and he needed space asap. Anyways he went to a friends house for the night as he needed a breather and a msg came through my mac laptop as an imsg obviously to his phone. When he came home the next day I asked him about it and after asking and asking who it was he told me it was one of his business clients. I got ridiculously angry and told him to leave. Once I calmed down I asked him about it and he says he has never cheated on me and he just talks to her about our relationship and trys to get advice. I don't know what kinda advice it is since she doesn't know me at all. But he eventually understood why I was so angry but now doesn't want to be together and says he can't think about it right now and needs time. The next day he came over so I could show him ho all the business paperwork gets gone and he started kissing me. But that night still says he needs time. Its pretty devastating as our daughter cries for him every night and at first it was hard not to msg him being angry about it all. but the last 2 days I have not msged him unless he msged me or i needed to talk about our daughter. And as soon as I stop texting him he starts texting me (its always about our daughter or something). I told him tonight after him calling me about the business that I would help him this time but then I need some time without all the contact. He just seems so fine about it all and it breaks my heart that he doesn't want to try and work it out right now. Is their any chance for us.
There is a very good chance for you Amy. Just give him and yourself some space and time and things will start getting better.
There is a very good chance for you Amy. Just give him and yourself some space and time and things will start getting better.
Good morning, i just wanted to ask How can i know if you replied to my comment? Is too many comments to keep scrolling to see if you answered to mine. Thanks for your time.
Hey Jennifer,
I replied to your comment here.
Hey Jennifer,
I replied to your comment here.
Hi Kevin,
I sent a comment yesterday and somehow it doesn't appear on the page..?
Hey,
I replied to your comment here.
Hey,
I replied to your comment here.
hay Kevin,
iv been following your course and iv not spoken to my ex since the 22nd of march.but here's the but bit she has now unfriended me on Facebook and untagged herself from all the pictures on facebook.I have faith in the course but we broke up on the 12th
of February so that like 7 weeks ago and im scared now because she said she wanted to be friends but as soon as I said I wanted space she want nuts and after a week she took me off Facebook, we were engaged for 3 years then she called it all off.
can you help please?
best wishes,
C
She did it because of anger. It's quite normal. Continue with the plan. Don't worry about it.
She did it because of anger. It's quite normal. Continue with the plan. Don't worry about it.
I was with a girl for a year and a half on and off, we broke up about a year and half ago in late september of 2012. In 2013, she sent me dating site messages about how she screwed up, then she wanted to meet up before an activity(baseball) that we used to watch lots of but I canceled due to issues that came up, in the summer she was texting me but I put her in the NC zone and told her to quit contacting me. We are not facebook friends but a few months ago she liked a picture with me and a friend, in the last couple weeks she has liked a couple of my pics and one of them was from the first time I took her to a baseball game with both of us in the picture. What should I make of this? She was the one who broke it off and in a cowardly not pick up the phone manner.
I shouldn't feel it out with nonchalant text messages first before asking out?
Yes, you should.
I also think she is single, her dates and relationships since have not worked out as I can see
Yes, you should.
I also think she is single, her dates and relationships since have not worked out as I can see
Yes, you should.
I also think she is single, her dates and relationships since have not worked out as I can see
Contact her and ask her out.
My ex and I were highschool sweethearts. we broke up then got back together in 09. he has always said I was the love of his life and even told his ex wife that as well as friends and family. He lives in another country at this point so we have had a longdistance relationship. we have talked on the phone and visited several times and have also skyped. he has always maintained he was fine with this and during this. He has always called me regularly. He has wanted to visit more but I had several things that took up my time and mind that I was unable to do this. since January my life has been normal finally and I was able to think of us visiting each other regularly. the problem is: In December he started calling less. On new years he spent it with a girl "friend" and was upset that I suggested that I've never heard of a man being friends with a woman without anything else. He then because of that comment did not call me for 2 weeks. he has always maintained that he never wants any other woman but me even if it didn't work out. that he would be fine being single. anyway, I called him 2 weeks later and he answered. He since December would be busy and would want to get off the phone rather quickly each time we spoke. Once he answered the last time, I tested him and asked him: do you still want to be with me and for the first time he said: well honestly no!, I think we are just good friends. you have your kids there and I have mine here and it's just very far away. he has always said that it did not matter. I said: friends? He then said he had to go and would call me next week. He never called. I then emailed and called way too many times with no response from him. I sent desperate, apologizing, ok with being friends and finally a goodbye letter in which I said since he is not responding I guess he does not want to even be friends or know me. I told him I was going to his country and when. I told him he was a good man and thanks for being back in my life and that I wished him and his children well. I still have had no response. He has not spoken or answerd emails or calls since he told me he was not interested in being with me and that we were just good friends. I am going to his country in june. His birthday is the end of may. my question is: I have not called/emailed him since my goodbye letter on march 28. should I email him happy birthday on may 26? should I stop and see him (if he is home) unexpectedly when I am there? and do you think if I maintain this no contact that he is even open to knowing me? he can be stubborn. when people wether family or friends do something he does not agree with, he tends to cut them off and not talk to them for years even! I do know he was truly very deeply in love with me. please help
Wish him on his birthday, but keep it short. Contact him a week before you are going there. If he still doesn't answer, contact him again when you are there. If he is not answering still, then I think it'll be better if you let him go. I won't recommend showing up at his house unannounced.
Wish him on his birthday, but keep it short. Contact him a week before you are going there. If he still doesn't answer, contact him again when you are there. If he is not answering still, then I think it'll be better if you let him go. I won't recommend showing up at his house unannounced.
Wish him on his birthday, but keep it short. Contact him a week before you are going there. If he still doesn't answer, contact him again when you are there. If he is not answering still, then I think it'll be better if you let him go. I won't recommend showing up at his house unannounced.
Wish him on his birthday, but keep it short. Contact him a week before you are going there. If he still doesn't answer, contact him again when you are there. If he is not answering still, then I think it'll be better if you let him go. I won't recommend showing up at his house unannounced.
My ex and I were highschool sweethearts. we broke up then got back together in 09. he has always said I was the love of his life and even told his ex wife that as well as friends and family. He lives in another country at this point so we have had a longdistance relationship. we have talked on the phone and visited several times and have also skyped. he has always maintained he was fine with this and during this. He has always called me regularly. He has wanted to visit more but I had several things that took up my time and mind that I was unable to do this. since January my life has been normal finally and I was able to think of us visiting each other regularly. the problem is: In December he started calling less. On new years he spent it with a girl "friend" and was upset that I suggested that I've never heard of a man being friends with a woman without anything else. He then because of that comment did not call me for 2 weeks. he has always maintained that he never wants any other woman but me even if it didn't work out. that he would be fine being single. anyway, I called him 2 weeks later and he answered. He since December would be busy and would want to get off the phone rather quickly each time we spoke. Once he answered the last time, I tested him and asked him: do you still want to be with me and for the first time he said: well honestly no!, I think we are just good friends. you have your kids there and I have mine here and it's just very far away. he has always said that it did not matter. I said: friends? He then said he had to go and would call me next week. He never called. I then emailed and called way too many times with no response from him. I sent desperate, apologizing, ok with being friends and finally a goodbye letter in which I said since he is not responding I guess he does not want to even be friends or know me. I told him I was going to his country and when. I told him he was a good man and thanks for being back in my life and that I wished him and his children well. I still have had no response. He has not spoken or answerd emails or calls since he told me he was not interested in being with me and that we were just good friends. I am going to his country in june. His birthday is the end of may. my question is: I have not called/emailed him since my goodbye letter on march 28. should I email him happy birthday on may 26? should I stop and see him (if he is home) unexpectedly when I am there? and do you think if I maintain this no contact that he is even open to knowing me? he can be stubborn. when people wether family or friends do something he does not agree with, he tends to cut them off and not talk to them for years even! I do know he was truly very deeply in love with me. please help
My ex and I were highschool sweethearts. we broke up then got back together in 09. he has always said I was the love of his life and even told his ex wife that as well as friends and family. He lives in another country at this point so we have had a longdistance relationship. we have talked on the phone and visited several times and have also skyped. he has always maintained he was fine with this and during this. He has always called me regularly. He has wanted to visit more but I had several things that took up my time and mind that I was unable to do this. since January my life has been normal finally and I was able to think of us visiting each other regularly. the problem is: In December he started calling less. On new years he spent it with a girl "friend" and was upset that I suggested that I've never heard of a man being friends with a woman without anything else. He then because of that comment did not call me for 2 weeks. he has always maintained that he never wants any other woman but me even if it didn't work out. that he would be fine being single. anyway, I called him 2 weeks later and he answered. He since December would be busy and would want to get off the phone rather quickly each time we spoke. Once he answered the last time, I tested him and asked him: do you still want to be with me and for the first time he said: well honestly no!, I think we are just good friends. you have your kids there and I have mine here and it's just very far away. he has always said that it did not matter. I said: friends? He then said he had to go and would call me next week. He never called. I then emailed and called way too many times with no response from him. I sent desperate, apologizing, ok with being friends and finally a goodbye letter in which I said since he is not responding I guess he does not want to even be friends or know me. I told him I was going to his country and when. I told him he was a good man and thanks for being back in my life and that I wished him and his children well. I still have had no response. He has not spoken or answerd emails or calls since he told me he was not interested in being with me and that we were just good friends. I am going to his country in june. His birthday is the end of may. my question is: I have not called/emailed him since my goodbye letter on march 28. should I email him happy birthday on may 26? should I stop and see him (if he is home) unexpectedly when I am there? and do you think if I maintain this no contact that he is even open to knowing me? he can be stubborn. when people wether family or friends do something he does not agree with, he tends to cut them off and not talk to them for years even! I do know he was truly very deeply in love with me. please help
I shouldn't feel it out with nonchalant text messages first before asking out?
Contact her and ask her out.
Kevin,
So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. She broke up with me because she saw that I was looking at girls profiles on facebook, including my ex from time to time. I have never cheated or would never cheat. When she asked me
About it I denied it and denied it and finally admitted to it. We've have trouble in the past from me lying about other little things. When she asks me, she really comes at me hard so I panic in those situations. So she said she needed time and space and we hung out a few times and then she finally said it's over for right now. We need time to focus on ourselves. I accepted it and a week went by and I decided to text her to let her know I was thinking about her and asked how she was doing. And I just received basic responses like "I'm good, you?". Then she texted me when she was drunk just saying what are you doing. So she called me and told me to just move on and to stop talking with my parents about us. She also was saying people can't change and the lieing and everything finally got to her. She was also mad I didn't delete my facebook when she did and I continued to look. Also that a few times we took breaks but a couple days later we got back together and this time she said it's not
Like every other time. You have to move on. She said idk what the future holds but right now move on. So I'm finally starting no contact today. Just want to here yor advice. Thank you. ADVICE PLEASE!
Continue with no contact. I think you need to work on your communication skills during no contact. I personally don't think your lying was a big thing if you were doing it simply because you panicked. But the reason you lied is because you were needy and you were scared of losing her, which is sort of unattractive. Work on yourself and then contact her after a month.
My friend Sam, who is also friends with her, told me that she said she is kind of talking to this guy from school. But says its nothing serious. What do you think?
You think theres still hope for her to come around?
You think theres still hope for her to come around?
You think theres still hope for her to come around?
You think theres still hope for her to come around?
My friend Sam, who is also friends with her, told me that she said she is kind of talking to this guy from school. But says its nothing serious. What do you think?
My friend Sam, who is also friends with her, told me that she said she is kind of talking to this guy from school. But says its nothing serious. What do you think?
Continue with no contact. I think you need to work on your communication skills during no contact. I personally don't think your lying was a big thing if you were doing it simply because you panicked. But the reason you lied is because you were needy and you were scared of losing her, which is sort of unattractive. Work on yourself and then contact her after a month.
Hey Kevin,
I been with my ex girlfriend for over 3 years and we have a daughter together. After our break up she moved on so fast with another guy. And now shes dating him. They been dating for a month now. I left her alone and she always tend to call me or text me if she needs me for help or go to places with her. If I blow her off she gets crazy and text me negative stuff saying you had your chance. But at the same time she still text this guy right in front of me! I dont know what to do. How do i keep no contact if we share days with my daughter. I dont know where her mind is at right now. What is the best thing to do? I told her last week that i need to move on and that i cant hang on anymore that i wanted her to be happy.
Thanks Kevin. I will keep doing what i been doing leaving her alone and let her come to me. I am just scared that she will be happy with her rebound and leave me and my daughter. She posted pictures of the guy on her instagram and sd shes happy. She always say i just want to see her miserable. At times she will face time me like 5- 6 times. I dont know what her mind is right now. I am just stuck and confuse. Should i say im busy if she wants to have a family day?
Instead, just tell her you need some space and time right now.
Hi Kevin,
So I have been doing the no contact. But my ex gf texts me every day about my daughter upcoming bday. I usually wait 2 hours or more to respond. I told her i wanted a separate bday. She sd why do i want to have 2 different parties. She wants to invite my family to the party also. I asked if her new man is going to come. She sd yes why not. She said my family and friends told her i have a new gf. and i can bring her along which is a lie. Im not dating anyone. I think she was lying to get information. She said i know your lying. You have a girlfriend. She said she doesnt care. lol. I told her im not comfortable for a guy you just date to be at my daughter's bday. She said hes my bf and someone i love. In my head I said i dont need to hear that. Trying to get me jealous I guess. I just dont know what to do from here with my daughter's bday.
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday, I got fed up and i was driving myself crazy. So i text her that i am not going to make it. It was too awkward for me. She text me Why?!. I sd because your new man is going to be there. She said " Who the hell said he was going?!" So pretty much she got caught in her own lies.
I just told her I dont feel comfortable for a new guy to be a my daughters bday. My friends were telling me that her and her new is having issues with playing games with each other. My friend told me she deleted the kissing icon and just have his initial on her IG. By that i already knew it was for my attention and reaction. It will be to awkard for me to be there Kevin. Its embarrassing enough that my family will be there also. I will start no contact again after my daughters bday. I just feel like she still got me on a leash. Just want to break away. Thanks for getting me through this. Much appreciated.
Hey John,
She is just using it as an excuse to talk to you constantly. If the birthday is recently, I'll recommend you start no contact again after the birthday party. I think you'll just have to be there for your daughter's birthday. I know it will be hard but I don't see any other option. Just stay calm during that time and don't show any signs of jealousy or neediness.
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday, I got fed up and i was driving myself crazy. So i text her that i am not going to make it. It was too awkward for me. She text me Why?!. I sd because your new man is going to be there. She said " Who the hell said he was going?!" So pretty much she got caught in her own lies.
I just told her I dont feel comfortable for a new guy to be a my daughters bday. My friends were telling me that her and her new is having issues with playing games with each other. My friend told me she deleted the kissing icon and just have his initial on her IG. By that i already knew it was for my attention and reaction. It will be to awkard for me to be there Kevin. Its embarrassing enough that my family will be there also. I will start no contact again after my daughters bday. I just feel like she still got me on a leash. Just want to break away. Thanks for getting me through this. Much appreciated.
Hey John,
She is just using it as an excuse to talk to you constantly. If the birthday is recently, I'll recommend you start no contact again after the birthday party. I think you'll just have to be there for your daughter's birthday. I know it will be hard but I don't see any other option. Just stay calm during that time and don't show any signs of jealousy or neediness.
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday, I got fed up and i was driving myself crazy. So i text her that i am not going to make it. It was too awkward for me. She text me Why?!. I sd because your new man is going to be there. She said " Who the hell said he was going?!" So pretty much she got caught in her own lies.
I just told her I dont feel comfortable for a new guy to be a my daughters bday. My friends were telling me that her and her new is having issues with playing games with each other. My friend told me she deleted the kissing icon and just have his initial on her IG. By that i already knew it was for my attention and reaction. It will be to awkard for me to be there Kevin. Its embarrassing enough that my family will be there also. I will start no contact again after my daughters bday. I just feel like she still got me on a leash. Just want to break away. Thanks for getting me through this. Much appreciated.
Hey John,
She is just using it as an excuse to talk to you constantly. If the birthday is recently, I'll recommend you start no contact again after the birthday party. I think you'll just have to be there for your daughter's birthday. I know it will be hard but I don't see any other option. Just stay calm during that time and don't show any signs of jealousy or neediness.
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday, I got fed up and i was driving myself crazy. So i text her that i am not going to make it. It was too awkward for me. She text me Why?!. I sd because your new man is going to be there. She said " Who the hell said he was going?!" So pretty much she got caught in her own lies.
I just told her I dont feel comfortable for a new guy to be a my daughters bday. My friends were telling me that her and her new is having issues with playing games with each other. My friend told me she deleted the kissing icon and just have his initial on her IG. By that i already knew it was for my attention and reaction. It will be to awkard for me to be there Kevin. Its embarrassing enough that my family will be there also. I will start no contact again after my daughters bday. I just feel like she still got me on a leash. Just want to break away. Thanks for getting me through this. Much appreciated.
Hey John,
She is just using it as an excuse to talk to you constantly. If the birthday is recently, I'll recommend you start no contact again after the birthday party. I think you'll just have to be there for your daughter's birthday. I know it will be hard but I don't see any other option. Just stay calm during that time and don't show any signs of jealousy or neediness.
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday, I got fed up and i was driving myself crazy. So i text her that i am not going to make it. It was too awkward for me. She text me Why?!. I sd because your new man is going to be there. She said " Who the hell said he was going?!" So pretty much she got caught in her own lies.
I just told her I dont feel comfortable for a new guy to be a my daughters bday. My friends were telling me that her and her new is having issues with playing games with each other. My friend told me she deleted the kissing icon and just have his initial on her IG. By that i already knew it was for my attention and reaction. It will be to awkard for me to be there Kevin. Its embarrassing enough that my family will be there also. I will start no contact again after my daughters bday. I just feel like she still got me on a leash. Just want to break away. Thanks for getting me through this. Much appreciated.
Hey John,
She is just using it as an excuse to talk to you constantly. If the birthday is recently, I'll recommend you start no contact again after the birthday party. I think you'll just have to be there for your daughter's birthday. I know it will be hard but I don't see any other option. Just stay calm during that time and don't show any signs of jealousy or neediness.
Good Morning Kevin,
My ex-gf texted me last night saying she loves this guy that shes only been dating for a month. She said i dont compare to him at all that he is so much better then me. She said I am a cry baby and desperate to have her back. And that I will never get her back ever because i lost her. Crazy much.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today I am so sad because this morning on her instagram profile she has his name on there with a heart and a icon of a boy and girl kissing. Just so hurt because i really think she is really moving on. This weekend i cuss her out because i knew she was at his house sleeping over for the fight. she text me saying you know where i am at so dont play dumb. i really think i lost her....
John,
I don't think you've really lost her unless you follow the plan at least once. You need to stop contact with her and stop looking at her social media profiles.
John,
I don't think you've really lost her unless you follow the plan at least once. You need to stop contact with her and stop looking at her social media profiles.
John,
I don't think you've really lost her unless you follow the plan at least once. You need to stop contact with her and stop looking at her social media profiles.
John,
I don't think you've really lost her unless you follow the plan at least once. You need to stop contact with her and stop looking at her social media profiles.
John,
I don't think you've really lost her unless you follow the plan at least once. You need to stop contact with her and stop looking at her social media profiles.
John,
I don't think you've really lost her unless you follow the plan at least once. You need to stop contact with her and stop looking at her social media profiles.
Or should i post up a picture of girl having dinner. lol. or should i just keep doing what im doing kevin. I am confuse bro. I know she cares. But when will she realize that I am moving on and start to wonder if shes losing me for good. Thank you so much for the replies.
Don't post any pictures just to make her jealous. Just start no contact and follow the plan. She is already realizing it, hence the anger and obvious attempts at making you jealous.
Don't post any pictures just to make her jealous. Just start no contact and follow the plan. She is already realizing it, hence the anger and obvious attempts at making you jealous.
Don't post any pictures just to make her jealous. Just start no contact and follow the plan. She is already realizing it, hence the anger and obvious attempts at making you jealous.
Don't post any pictures just to make her jealous. Just start no contact and follow the plan. She is already realizing it, hence the anger and obvious attempts at making you jealous.
Don't post any pictures just to make her jealous. Just start no contact and follow the plan. She is already realizing it, hence the anger and obvious attempts at making you jealous.
Don't post any pictures just to make her jealous. Just start no contact and follow the plan. She is already realizing it, hence the anger and obvious attempts at making you jealous.
Should I still leave her alone and let her come to me? and keep it simple about my daughter only? the only last question i have here...is how do i win her back and make her realize what she is really missing.....
Yes, still leave her alone. Don't give her any reaction.
Yes, still leave her alone. Don't give her any reaction.
Yes, still leave her alone. Don't give her any reaction.
Yes, still leave her alone. Don't give her any reaction.
Yes, still leave her alone. Don't give her any reaction.
Yes, still leave her alone. Don't give her any reaction.
Ok Kevin. Been leaving her alone. She got mad because I didnt give her what she wants. So she bombard me with crazy text. Like I love him so much. I slept with him and it was so much better then you. He loves my body. He loves my daughter. You dont compare to him and I dont know what i see in you. Your so disgusting. I told her whatever you say dont phase me. Im over you. Dont text me anymore unless its about my daughter. And i notice she always laugh when she text. lol. What is her motive here?
Trying to make you jealous. Confused about her feelings. Trying to get a reaction out of you. It's actually a good sign and it shows she still has strong feelings for you.
Trying to make you jealous. Confused about her feelings. Trying to get a reaction out of you. It's actually a good sign and it shows she still has strong feelings for you.
Trying to make you jealous. Confused about her feelings. Trying to get a reaction out of you. It's actually a good sign and it shows she still has strong feelings for you.
Trying to make you jealous. Confused about her feelings. Trying to get a reaction out of you. It's actually a good sign and it shows she still has strong feelings for you.
Trying to make you jealous. Confused about her feelings. Trying to get a reaction out of you. It's actually a good sign and it shows she still has strong feelings for you.
Trying to make you jealous. Confused about her feelings. Trying to get a reaction out of you. It's actually a good sign and it shows she still has strong feelings for you.
One last thing Kevin. When i saw her in person to pick up my daughter. She told me I know she went out to the bar with your cousins. I am not dumb. She sd thats why i dont want to get back with you because you always go out. But at the same time shes dating someone and going out with him. It doesnt make sense to me at all.
If it doesn't make sense, then don't overthink it. It probably means that your ex is confused and is looking for a reason to justify her. Trying to talk sense into her is not going to help. Let her realize it on her own.
If it doesn't make sense, then don't overthink it. It probably means that your ex is confused and is looking for a reason to justify her. Trying to talk sense into her is not going to help. Let her realize it on her own.
If it doesn't make sense, then don't overthink it. It probably means that your ex is confused and is looking for a reason to justify her. Trying to talk sense into her is not going to help. Let her realize it on her own.
If it doesn't make sense, then don't overthink it. It probably means that your ex is confused and is looking for a reason to justify her. Trying to talk sense into her is not going to help. Let her realize it on her own.
If it doesn't make sense, then don't overthink it. It probably means that your ex is confused and is looking for a reason to justify her. Trying to talk sense into her is not going to help. Let her realize it on her own.
If it doesn't make sense, then don't overthink it. It probably means that your ex is confused and is looking for a reason to justify her. Trying to talk sense into her is not going to help. Let her realize it on her own.
haha. I didnt argue with her. I just told her Great. I am happy for you. Then to find out the next day. She posted a picture of them together saying " We always have a good time together ". I left her alone. Should i start the no contact now? any hope for me? Thanks Kevin. Your the best.
Yes, you should start no contact and yes, there is hope.
Yes, you should start no contact and yes, there is hope.
Yes, you should start no contact and yes, there is hope.
Yes, you should start no contact and yes, there is hope.
Yes, you should start no contact and yes, there is hope.
Yes, you should start no contact and yes, there is hope.
haha. Obvious attempt to make you jealous.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today I am so sad because this morning on her instagram profile she has his name on there with a heart and a icon of a boy and girl kissing. Just so hurt because i really think she is really moving on. This weekend i cuss her out because i knew she was at his house sleeping over for the fight. she text me saying you know where i am at so dont play dumb. i really think i lost her....
Or should i post up a picture of girl having dinner. lol. or should i just keep doing what im doing kevin. I am confuse bro. I know she cares. But when will she realize that I am moving on and start to wonder if shes losing me for good. Thank you so much for the replies.
Should I still leave her alone and let her come to me? and keep it simple about my daughter only? the only last question i have here...is how do i win her back and make her realize what she is really missing.....
Ok Kevin. Been leaving her alone. She got mad because I didnt give her what she wants. So she bombard me with crazy text. Like I love him so much. I slept with him and it was so much better then you. He loves my body. He loves my daughter. You dont compare to him and I dont know what i see in you. Your so disgusting. I told her whatever you say dont phase me. Im over you. Dont text me anymore unless its about my daughter. And i notice she always laugh when she text. lol. What is her motive here?
One last thing Kevin. When i saw her in person to pick up my daughter. She told me I know she went out to the bar with your cousins. I am not dumb. She sd thats why i dont want to get back with you because you always go out. But at the same time shes dating someone and going out with him. It doesnt make sense to me at all.
haha. I didnt argue with her. I just told her Great. I am happy for you. Then to find out the next day. She posted a picture of them together saying " We always have a good time together ". I left her alone. Should i start the no contact now? any hope for me? Thanks Kevin. Your the best.
haha. Obvious attempt to make you jealous.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today I am so sad because this morning on her instagram profile she has his name on there with a heart and a icon of a boy and girl kissing. Just so hurt because i really think she is really moving on. This weekend i cuss her out because i knew she was at his house sleeping over for the fight. she text me saying you know where i am at so dont play dumb. i really think i lost her....
Or should i post up a picture of girl having dinner. lol. or should i just keep doing what im doing kevin. I am confuse bro. I know she cares. But when will she realize that I am moving on and start to wonder if shes losing me for good. Thank you so much for the replies.
Should I still leave her alone and let her come to me? and keep it simple about my daughter only? the only last question i have here...is how do i win her back and make her realize what she is really missing.....
Ok Kevin. Been leaving her alone. She got mad because I didnt give her what she wants. So she bombard me with crazy text. Like I love him so much. I slept with him and it was so much better then you. He loves my body. He loves my daughter. You dont compare to him and I dont know what i see in you. Your so disgusting. I told her whatever you say dont phase me. Im over you. Dont text me anymore unless its about my daughter. And i notice she always laugh when she text. lol. What is her motive here?
One last thing Kevin. When i saw her in person to pick up my daughter. She told me I know she went out to the bar with your cousins. I am not dumb. She sd thats why i dont want to get back with you because you always go out. But at the same time shes dating someone and going out with him. It doesnt make sense to me at all.
haha. I didnt argue with her. I just told her Great. I am happy for you. Then to find out the next day. She posted a picture of them together saying " We always have a good time together ". I left her alone. Should i start the no contact now? any hope for me? Thanks Kevin. Your the best.
haha. Obvious attempt to make you jealous.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today I am so sad because this morning on her instagram profile she has his name on there with a heart and a icon of a boy and girl kissing. Just so hurt because i really think she is really moving on. This weekend i cuss her out because i knew she was at his house sleeping over for the fight. she text me saying you know where i am at so dont play dumb. i really think i lost her....
Or should i post up a picture of girl having dinner. lol. or should i just keep doing what im doing kevin. I am confuse bro. I know she cares. But when will she realize that I am moving on and start to wonder if shes losing me for good. Thank you so much for the replies.
Should I still leave her alone and let her come to me? and keep it simple about my daughter only? the only last question i have here...is how do i win her back and make her realize what she is really missing.....
Ok Kevin. Been leaving her alone. She got mad because I didnt give her what she wants. So she bombard me with crazy text. Like I love him so much. I slept with him and it was so much better then you. He loves my body. He loves my daughter. You dont compare to him and I dont know what i see in you. Your so disgusting. I told her whatever you say dont phase me. Im over you. Dont text me anymore unless its about my daughter. And i notice she always laugh when she text. lol. What is her motive here?
One last thing Kevin. When i saw her in person to pick up my daughter. She told me I know she went out to the bar with your cousins. I am not dumb. She sd thats why i dont want to get back with you because you always go out. But at the same time shes dating someone and going out with him. It doesnt make sense to me at all.
haha. I didnt argue with her. I just told her Great. I am happy for you. Then to find out the next day. She posted a picture of them together saying " We always have a good time together ". I left her alone. Should i start the no contact now? any hope for me? Thanks Kevin. Your the best.
haha. Obvious attempt to make you jealous.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today I am so sad because this morning on her instagram profile she has his name on there with a heart and a icon of a boy and girl kissing. Just so hurt because i really think she is really moving on. This weekend i cuss her out because i knew she was at his house sleeping over for the fight. she text me saying you know where i am at so dont play dumb. i really think i lost her....
Or should i post up a picture of girl having dinner. lol. or should i just keep doing what im doing kevin. I am confuse bro. I know she cares. But when will she realize that I am moving on and start to wonder if shes losing me for good. Thank you so much for the replies.
Should I still leave her alone and let her come to me? and keep it simple about my daughter only? the only last question i have here...is how do i win her back and make her realize what she is really missing.....
Ok Kevin. Been leaving her alone. She got mad because I didnt give her what she wants. So she bombard me with crazy text. Like I love him so much. I slept with him and it was so much better then you. He loves my body. He loves my daughter. You dont compare to him and I dont know what i see in you. Your so disgusting. I told her whatever you say dont phase me. Im over you. Dont text me anymore unless its about my daughter. And i notice she always laugh when she text. lol. What is her motive here?
One last thing Kevin. When i saw her in person to pick up my daughter. She told me I know she went out to the bar with your cousins. I am not dumb. She sd thats why i dont want to get back with you because you always go out. But at the same time shes dating someone and going out with him. It doesnt make sense to me at all.
haha. I didnt argue with her. I just told her Great. I am happy for you. Then to find out the next day. She posted a picture of them together saying " We always have a good time together ". I left her alone. Should i start the no contact now? any hope for me? Thanks Kevin. Your the best.
haha. Obvious attempt to make you jealous.
Hi Kevin,
So I have been doing the no contact. But my ex gf texts me every day about my daughter upcoming bday. I usually wait 2 hours or more to respond. I told her i wanted a separate bday. She sd why do i want to have 2 different parties. She wants to invite my family to the party also. I asked if her new man is going to come. She sd yes why not. She said my family and friends told her i have a new gf. and i can bring her along which is a lie. Im not dating anyone. I think she was lying to get information. She said i know your lying. You have a girlfriend. She said she doesnt care. lol. I told her im not comfortable for a guy you just date to be at my daughter's bday. She said hes my bf and someone i love. In my head I said i dont need to hear that. Trying to get me jealous I guess. I just dont know what to do from here with my daughter's bday.
Good Morning Kevin,
My ex-gf texted me last night saying she loves this guy that shes only been dating for a month. She said i dont compare to him at all that he is so much better then me. She said I am a cry baby and desperate to have her back. And that I will never get her back ever because i lost her. Crazy much.
Hi Kevin,
So I have been doing the no contact. But my ex gf texts me every day about my daughter upcoming bday. I usually wait 2 hours or more to respond. I told her i wanted a separate bday. She sd why do i want to have 2 different parties. She wants to invite my family to the party also. I asked if her new man is going to come. She sd yes why not. She said my family and friends told her i have a new gf. and i can bring her along which is a lie. Im not dating anyone. I think she was lying to get information. She said i know your lying. You have a girlfriend. She said she doesnt care. lol. I told her im not comfortable for a guy you just date to be at my daughter's bday. She said hes my bf and someone i love. In my head I said i dont need to hear that. Trying to get me jealous I guess. I just dont know what to do from here with my daughter's bday.
Good Morning Kevin,
My ex-gf texted me last night saying she loves this guy that shes only been dating for a month. She said i dont compare to him at all that he is so much better then me. She said I am a cry baby and desperate to have her back. And that I will never get her back ever because i lost her. Crazy much.
Hi Kevin,
So I have been doing the no contact. But my ex gf texts me every day about my daughter upcoming bday. I usually wait 2 hours or more to respond. I told her i wanted a separate bday. She sd why do i want to have 2 different parties. She wants to invite my family to the party also. I asked if her new man is going to come. She sd yes why not. She said my family and friends told her i have a new gf. and i can bring her along which is a lie. Im not dating anyone. I think she was lying to get information. She said i know your lying. You have a girlfriend. She said she doesnt care. lol. I told her im not comfortable for a guy you just date to be at my daughter's bday. She said hes my bf and someone i love. In my head I said i dont need to hear that. Trying to get me jealous I guess. I just dont know what to do from here with my daughter's bday.
Good Morning Kevin,
My ex-gf texted me last night saying she loves this guy that shes only been dating for a month. She said i dont compare to him at all that he is so much better then me. She said I am a cry baby and desperate to have her back. And that I will never get her back ever because i lost her. Crazy much.
Instead, just tell her you need some space and time right now.
Instead, just tell her you need some space and time right now.
It's most probably a rebound. The fact that she is deliberately texting him in front of you is a huge sign that she is not over you. Follow the plan.
Thanks Kevin. I will keep doing what i been doing leaving her alone and let her come to me. I am just scared that she will be happy with her rebound and leave me and my daughter. She posted pictures of the guy on her instagram and sd shes happy. She always say i just want to see her miserable. At times she will face time me like 5- 6 times. I dont know what her mind is right now. I am just stuck and confuse. Should i say im busy if she wants to have a family day?
It's most probably a rebound. The fact that she is deliberately texting him in front of you is a huge sign that she is not over you. Follow the plan.
i Kevin!
Me and my boyfriend are in the relationship for more than five years. But recently I started to fighting with him because of his new friend who is a girl. She was his childhood frnd n got her friendship after years via fb. I didn't like her talkibg to him as he did not talk to any girls in the past 5 years. I know I was wrong but I always foight with him. He is loving me sincerely. We were loving together abroad during our studies. I returned to my country after my studies and he is gonna come back to our country after a month. I came here 3 weeks ago and I don't know Why did I do like that. He did not contact me n he didn't even say a single word that he didn't miss me when I left him. I was there with him for 2 yrs. He didn't call me even. So something happened to me n I thought its all because of that girl. I have contacted that girl's lover and told him that I didn't like her talking to my bf. Somehow that girl has told my bf that I have contacted her lover and told like this. Due to this my bf told me he doesn't want to continue our relationship. But before that he told me how badly he missed me when he left me at the airport. Now also he said we cant really continue but he told me he is tgere to help me with everything. So im confused is he broke up with me or what's gonna happen n what do I need to do. ... but I have realised my mistake and started working on to reduce my possessiveness. I was clingy n needy . Begged him to talk to me like before. But he said if im going to talk anything regarding our relationship he will not talk to me anymore.
I cannot go for no contact rule completely as I have to give him some information every other day compulsorily.
Please help me kevin.
Other than the information you have to give him, stay no contact. It's OK you messed up. You are learning from your mistake and working on your issues. If you are able to do that during no contact, you'll have a pretty good chance of getting him back. Just don't try to convince him to get back together straight away. Talk to him and when he comes to your country, have a few fun dates with him. Let him see your changes and let it be his idea to get back together.
But I have a doubt whether he has brokeup with me or still in the relationship but not willing to talk. Thanks for your reply. Happy that you helped me..
If he is not willing to talk about the relationship, you should treat it as a breakup.
Thanks Kevin. I will follow your plan. No contact. Only if its about my daughter. I will leave her alone. Thanks Kevin.
Thanks Kevin. I will follow your plan. No contact. Only if its about my daughter. I will leave her alone. Thanks Kevin.
Thanks Kevin. I will follow your plan. No contact. Only if its about my daughter. I will leave her alone. Thanks Kevin.
Thanks Kevin. I will follow your plan. No contact. Only if its about my daughter. I will leave her alone. Thanks Kevin.
Thanks Kevin. I will follow your plan. No contact. Only if its about my daughter. I will leave her alone. Thanks Kevin.
If he is not willing to talk about the relationship, you should treat it as a breakup.
If he is not willing to talk about the relationship, you should treat it as a breakup.
If he is not willing to talk about the relationship, you should treat it as a breakup.
But I have a doubt whether he has brokeup with me or still in the relationship but not willing to talk. Thanks for your reply. Happy that you helped me..
But I have a doubt whether he has brokeup with me or still in the relationship but not willing to talk. Thanks for your reply. Happy that you helped me..
Other than the information you have to give him, stay no contact. It's OK you messed up. You are learning from your mistake and working on your issues. If you are able to do that during no contact, you'll have a pretty good chance of getting him back. Just don't try to convince him to get back together straight away. Talk to him and when he comes to your country, have a few fun dates with him. Let him see your changes and let it be his idea to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago. We had been together for almost 4 years. I am 20 now, he's 24. In the time we were together we made a great team and really helped each other through some very rough periods. We've been living together for a good 2 years now. A couple months ago, I felt like we were "slowing down", I was having difficulties with a new study, while he was on the verge of getting his 2nd degree. He wouldn't do much effort in the relationship, truth be told, I had always been the drive behind us doing things together, but since I wasn't feeling all that great anymore, I didn't have enough energy. We still had some great moments though. Two months ago, he started his first job and all at once, we almost didn't have any time together anymore, I still went home every weekend. We really felt each other slipping away, we talked about it and searched for ways to spend more time together, but nothing much happened because we weren't used to the new rhythm of life. Last week we had quite a lot of fights, because he didn't really kiss me anymore and didn't try to spend time with me. And then he dropped the bomb and said he didn't know whether he wanted to go on. I gave him 3 days time for himself, though I contacted him, because I needed to be at our shared home after those days. We talked again and he told me he didn't feel it anymore and didn't see a future for us anymore. I tried to convince him we were just going through a rough patch and we shouldn't give up after all this amazing time together. Then he told me he's had doubts for months already and slowly felt his feelings slip away. I'm angry he didn't tell me about it … He says he doesn't know why his feelings faded, but he's sure they won't come back. But he still cares for me and is still attracted to me. I just don't want to give up yet, if we really don't work out in the end, I could be fine with it. But now he's giving up without even trying to resolve our issues. And it went so great for so long ...
Hey Alice,
You don't have to give up yet. In my opinion, you should try getting him back using the advise in the article at least once.
Hey Alice,
You don't have to give up yet. In my opinion, you should try getting him back using the advise in the article at least once.
Kevin,
I have been reading over several materials that talk about the no contact rule, break-ups and etcetra. I have been going on a month straight of losing my ex husband, love and father of my children of four years. He started working at a strip club and met another woman. His behavior became eradic and he is now seeing the woman that he left me for. I have made all the common mistakes to try to get him back. He says crazy things like everything that I'm going through is because of mistakes I've made in the relationship and we are going to work things out but it won't be right now. He is now living with this woman and telling her he loves her. He has seemed to break all contact with me. He has even resorted to bringing her around my children when he drops them off. However, he hasn't filed for divorce and tells me when we do talk about it that things are hard on him. He tells me he wants a divorce but simply never follows through with any action to complete it. He started dating this woman the day he finally told me he wanted a divorce. He is still married to me and making no advances to get divorced or repair our marriage. He does obvious things like bring her around me and shove her in my face. He is showing tell tale signs of a rebound, but he has made no attempt to contact me unless it is for money and has emphatically stated I need to move on. When he and I are alone he makes no sense about what he wants and tells me that he is struggling with the situation and the divorce is hard. However, two days later he brings his new love to meet my kids and puts all over facebook about how much he loves her and things. The man I know would never go for a stripper. When we were around one another for the first time with her around he was so skiddish. I am having a really hard time moving on because he was my first love and we have four years together and two children and a beautiful life. I have been speaking with a therapist and she has simply stated that I cut off all the ties we have financially and see what he does. She has also suggested I implement the 30 day no contact rule. When I get into the no contact rule he always finds something stupid to call me over. Like yesterday he called me to ask me to use my credit card for gas to bring my kids back. When he brings them back, she is with him as if she is controlling his mind. I am simply wanting to know if from your experience if the 30 day rule will bring to surface any feelings or if I need to move on because I am simply wasting my time. I am in no rush to get divorced but I have a knot in my gut the size of Texas the way he is acting with this other woman. It clearly seems to be rebound to everyone but him. I just don't know what else to try except to give it 30 days and see what surfaces. Is it worth the 30 days or should I just file for divorce myself?
Yes, it's definitely worth the 30 days. If you think the marriage is worth saving, I'll recommend you wait at least 90 days before filing for divorce.
Yes, it's definitely worth the 30 days. If you think the marriage is worth saving, I'll recommend you wait at least 90 days before filing for divorce.
Hi,
So I broke up with my boyfriend due to feeling like I was going to be left. (I have serious trust issues due to a horrible past relationship.) So I break up with him, go to Africa for two weeks for voluntary work, and we are both fine, however I come home, we have a small argument and we meet up, he kisses me and then texts me later saying he wants to just be friends as nobody gets hurt. After this we meet up again and I basically explain all of my reasons why I don’t want to be friends and apologise for the breakup, however he still doesn’t want anything. I see him everyday at school and have no idea what to do. I am trying the no-contact thing however I feel like this won’t help and will make him get over me. I am completely head over heels with him and have no idea what to do. Anyway after no contact for two weeks, he texts me implying that I am interfering with his life and his new flirty soon to be girlfriend (one of my best friends.) I then reply to him angrily and explain that I had no interference and that one of my friends was speaking to me worrying that they would get together. He then explained that we would never get back together and his feelings for me were dead and that I had ruined their ''friendship..''.. I'm not really sure what to do, I feel like he hates me.
Please help.
Well, there is pretty much nothing you can do right now except do no contact and then follow the plan.
Well, there is pretty much nothing you can do right now except do no contact and then follow the plan.
hi kevin. My ex girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. We lived together for 3 and a half. And the reason she broke up with me was she got tired of the relationship. I really love her. i admitted my mistake. My fault was i dont really share about my feelings that much to here. I always keep it on me especially if i have a problem or f i am hurt. last february her mother said bad things to me, she said that i really dont love her daughter that i dont have a time on her. So i was shocked! and i was really hurt. i texted her about what happened and she said sorry and she has nothig to do with that. i was jus disappointed with her because she didnt fight for me. that's why i started to ignore her( which i admitt that was my fault) for almost 2 weeks. everytime i go home i felt down. it hurts so badly. i was just waiting for her to confront me and talk to me but she never did. until one day she decided to break up with me. but she never said that i need to move out but my ego ate me. i decided to move out. but i realized i made a mistake. i missed her so much. i am afraid to lose her. she is the love of my life. i started to txt her and call her but she just ignored me. i went to her work begging to take me back. and she said she needed a space and time for now. she said she wanted me to be ok first with myself. and she told me that she still loves me. but i am confused and insecure. i was thinking maybe she is seeing someone and she only said that she love me just to make me feel better. she didnt answer my text messages anymore. she unfriend me in facebook and she erased all our pictures together. i dont know what to do. im desperate to win her back. i onced said that i must accept the fact thet we will never be together again and move on. and i started since yesterday not to text her or send any messages to her. please help me. is there any hope that we can still rekindled our love? thank you and looking forward to your answer.
Brandon
My husband left me 3 weeks ago. We had been fighting and I looked on his phone and saw that he was emailing an ex-lover saying he wanted to see her even though he said he would never talk to her again. So when I confronted him, we had a huge fight and he said he was done. He moved out the day before St. Patty's day. I have two beautiful children and he comes on the weekends to see them, but the last time we fought - again. I don't want to fight. I am hurt by what he did, and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. Now, not even 3 weeks has gone by and he has already been on at least 3 dates. The person he is staying with said that he never came home last night. I am so heartbroken. What do I do?
Apply no contact. Read this article to learn about no contact when you have children. Contact a lawyer if you think this might be leading to a divorce. Don't take him back unless he is willing to accept his mistake.
Apply no contact. Read this article to learn about no contact when you have children. Contact a lawyer if you think this might be leading to a divorce. Don't take him back unless he is willing to accept his mistake.
I recently broke off a two year relationship we were always fighting. I never knew about the NC rule and as a result. The 2 day later I texted to see if she was okay? She replied in a very cheerful way. Hello! that she loved me but that she was needed time mend. I saw her the next day leaving a restaurant with someone else.
Later I found her at the gym and she said she was not going to avoild me and we made a pack for friendship. Long story short I pursued her. We slept together. No text after wards and I'm on the nc rule its been 1 week. I saw her stopped at the light across from me where I was stopped at the same light. I quickly picked up a paper and pretend to be reading something. I wasn't sure during NC what to do in a case like that?
I ran into her in the store the night we had sex. She was with another guy that she said was a friend she met from the church and he was helping here through a difficult time.
Is there a chance to get her back or is all lost because we slept together. What if I run into her again at the store? What if she waves or doesn't wave to me when we are across from each other. Has anyone been here in a similar situation. I need a friend!
I don't think you ruined it. I'll recommend you keep no contact short, for about 3 weeks and then contact her again.
I don't think you ruined it. I'll recommend you keep no contact short, for about 3 weeks and then contact her again.
Hi Kevin,
My gf broke up with me a little more than two weeks ago over a stupid fight and she told me she still loved me but she didn't wanna get back with me since she wanted to focus on her study and her exam, etc. After that, she seemed very determined and stick with the breakup, never one time she would respond to any of my calls, text messages, and emails and I drove to see her but she didn't see me. It feels like this is really over coz no matter what I do, she just doesn't respond. What should I do? Should I write her a letter to get a closure or........? Thanks
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin, my girlfriend broke up with me on new years. after that i acted pretty desperate and i begged for her to come back and she was very angry at me and ignored me. throughout january we made up briefly a couple times but i kept screwing it up by asking about the relationship or trying to contact her a lot. she slept with me a couple times at my place at the end of the month. in february she was mostly mad at me because i gave her roses and a letter for her upcoming birthday, so i said i hope in the future we can be somewhat friends. 5 days later on her birthday i didnt message her and she messaged me saying hey, how've you been doing? and apologized for "her attitude and constantly hurting me". so we started having a friendly conversation and she wanted to hang out the next day. we did and drove around and it was great, we parted ways and i didnt contact her after that. a couple days later at like 1 in the morning she asked if i wanted to hang out again on monday, to which i responded sure. we hung out but she was kinda being depressed and awkward(still a little playful though) she said she was just having a hard day. a week later she deletes me off skype randomly even though i didnt say anything to her. and i was going to my friends house but she was going to be there and she said that "we're not alright" randomly, even though the last time i spoke to her we were on good terms. Help me!
Give her some time to sort out her feelings. She is confused.
Give her some time to sort out her feelings. She is confused.
Hey Kevin Josy again,
I'm the person who was talking to you about adding my ex back on that app. I'm thinking that I will delete him because all he is doing is going through my pictures to see what I am doing. Also he knows that I would see that he was talking to this girl, thinking he's trying to make me jealous into contacting him. The only good part of the app is that he will be able to see me having fun and being independent which I do think is a good thing. Also I can refrain myself from looking at his stuff and who he is talking to. What do you think?
If you can refrain yourself, then don't delete him.
I am subscribed to the email and I'm almost thinking this is his missing me badly stage. Should I contact or keep waiting it out? I don't want to miss the opportunity. He is doing a lot that I believe is trying to get my attention. What do you think?
If you think you are ready, then go ahead and contact him. Read the checklist in the article.
Hello again Kevin,
I was wondering do you think all those signs i told you means that he is missing me or that he is just trying to maintain a friendship? I find the friendship part strange if he liking old pictures and posted almost 100 pictures of a time we spent together on Facebook as well as even adding me on snapchat to just look at my pictures but not send me anything. I just really wanted this to be answered before I contact him. Also just wanted to let you know I really do appreciate all your help and support you are amazing for helping everyone through such hard times.
Josy, even if he is trying to maintain friendship, it's just an excuse to keep you with him because he misses you. A friendship with an ex is rare and unless you had a very strong friendship before you were a couple, it hardly ever works out.
But I digress, him adding you on snapchat and everything you said is definitely a sign he misses you.
Josy, even if he is trying to maintain friendship, it's just an excuse to keep you with him because he misses you. A friendship with an ex is rare and unless you had a very strong friendship before you were a couple, it hardly ever works out.
But I digress, him adding you on snapchat and everything you said is definitely a sign he misses you.
Josy, even if he is trying to maintain friendship, it's just an excuse to keep you with him because he misses you. A friendship with an ex is rare and unless you had a very strong friendship before you were a couple, it hardly ever works out.
But I digress, him adding you on snapchat and everything you said is definitely a sign he misses you.
Josy, even if he is trying to maintain friendship, it's just an excuse to keep you with him because he misses you. A friendship with an ex is rare and unless you had a very strong friendship before you were a couple, it hardly ever works out.
But I digress, him adding you on snapchat and everything you said is definitely a sign he misses you.
Josy, even if he is trying to maintain friendship, it's just an excuse to keep you with him because he misses you. A friendship with an ex is rare and unless you had a very strong friendship before you were a couple, it hardly ever works out.
But I digress, him adding you on snapchat and everything you said is definitely a sign he misses you.
Josy, even if he is trying to maintain friendship, it's just an excuse to keep you with him because he misses you. A friendship with an ex is rare and unless you had a very strong friendship before you were a couple, it hardly ever works out.
But I digress, him adding you on snapchat and everything you said is definitely a sign he misses you.
Hello again Kevin,
I was wondering do you think all those signs i told you means that he is missing me or that he is just trying to maintain a friendship? I find the friendship part strange if he liking old pictures and posted almost 100 pictures of a time we spent together on Facebook as well as even adding me on snapchat to just look at my pictures but not send me anything. I just really wanted this to be answered before I contact him. Also just wanted to let you know I really do appreciate all your help and support you are amazing for helping everyone through such hard times.
Hello again Kevin,
I was wondering do you think all those signs i told you means that he is missing me or that he is just trying to maintain a friendship? I find the friendship part strange if he liking old pictures and posted almost 100 pictures of a time we spent together on Facebook as well as even adding me on snapchat to just look at my pictures but not send me anything. I just really wanted this to be answered before I contact him. Also just wanted to let you know I really do appreciate all your help and support you are amazing for helping everyone through such hard times.
Hello again Kevin,
I was wondering do you think all those signs i told you means that he is missing me or that he is just trying to maintain a friendship? I find the friendship part strange if he liking old pictures and posted almost 100 pictures of a time we spent together on Facebook as well as even adding me on snapchat to just look at my pictures but not send me anything. I just really wanted this to be answered before I contact him. Also just wanted to let you know I really do appreciate all your help and support you are amazing for helping everyone through such hard times.
Hello again Kevin,
I was wondering do you think all those signs i told you means that he is missing me or that he is just trying to maintain a friendship? I find the friendship part strange if he liking old pictures and posted almost 100 pictures of a time we spent together on Facebook as well as even adding me on snapchat to just look at my pictures but not send me anything. I just really wanted this to be answered before I contact him. Also just wanted to let you know I really do appreciate all your help and support you are amazing for helping everyone through such hard times.
If you think you are ready, then go ahead and contact him. Read the checklist in the article.
If you think you are ready, then go ahead and contact him. Read the checklist in the article.
If you think you are ready, then go ahead and contact him. Read the checklist in the article.
I am subscribed to the email and I'm almost thinking this is his missing me badly stage. Should I contact or keep waiting it out? I don't want to miss the opportunity. He is doing a lot that I believe is trying to get my attention. What do you think?
I am subscribed to the email and I'm almost thinking this is his missing me badly stage. Should I contact or keep waiting it out? I don't want to miss the opportunity. He is doing a lot that I believe is trying to get my attention. What do you think?
If you can refrain yourself, then don't delete him.
Hi Kevin,
Well here is my recent circumstances in a nutshell. I met my partner five months ago, we did the long distance thing and perhaps given our age (early40's) things moved quickly. We had both been single for years and felt like we were blessed meeting each other. He had just moved to the city and I was living in a remote area. We decided we wanted to live together so I packed up five years of my life and moved. We moved into a place together...I found it for us and he moved over a month earlier as I had loose ends to tie up.
We lasted a week living together. Lots of arguments, we both have short fuses and the name calling began sadly. The night he was going to say one of us needed to move out and we should work on the relationship that way, was the night I found out I was pregnant. He was livid. Blaming me, name calling, how could I, etc etc. he never wanted this, and so on. By morning he changed his mind, and he continued to change his mind often twice daily over a week till I could take it no more and after another argument re the pregnancy he said he didn't care what I did and didn't want to be with me, so I moved out.
Sadly I lost our baby two days ago. I have been devastated. He tells me I brought the situation on myself, but he wants to help me get back on my feet and I should move back home. He is not saying at any time that he wants to get back with me. Just to help me get back on my feet and then I can move on with my life.
He has an adult son, but lost a baby a few months after birth and althought it was years ago, I don't believe he has ever grieved or dealt with his demons surrounding this. He was Unavailable for me when I was in and out of emergency recently pre-miscarriage.
I reminded him that getting back on my feet was not just a question of me getting a job and an income and then I would be fine to move out. But that I needed emotional support to help me out of this black place and giving he isn't acknowledging how bad it is for me at the moment, I asked if he had the commitment or skills to help me through this. He never responded (all of this communication was via text)
I don't know whether your no contact rule applies. I still have furniture at ours which I don't need currently as am crashing at a friends, but have moved most things out. I am still on the lease also. Obviously at some point we need to talk to finalise these things if it really is over but am scared to broach them now. Having just lost the baby I don't think I could handle more heartbreak. I feel very alone given I moved my whole life as I knew it to be with him.
Thoughts? Suggestions? Thank you in advance for your response.
Kat,
I am sorry for everything that happened to you till now. I think you should not have too much hope about him. You tried a relationship with him and it simply didn't work out. You both are just no compatible with each other. I don't think you should even expect any emotional support from him. I know you are lonely right now, but you have to get out of this dark place by yourself. Seek therapy in your area if possible. There is a chance that you might get him back if you follow the plan, but I'll recommend you follow no contact for at least 60 days before getting back with him. I think you will realize during no contact that he isn't someone you should be investing your time and energy in.
Thanks for your honest response. It was difficult to swallow. I saw him today. He told me he loved me but did not want to be in a relationship with me, he said after all our arguments something died and he was tired of trying. Again he offered for me to stay at ours. He would pay rent and bills until I got back on my feet but I had to be under no illusion that we would reunite. I said I couldn't accept it given I would hope for more given I was still in love with him. He said he was very sad what had happened between us. He hoped we would make it.
He said I can leave my things there as long as I want.
Is this where I start the no contact for sixty days? Is there a chance he will change his mind?
Yes, start no contact for 60 days. There is a chance, but like I said it's a slim one. I think you are trying to hold on to him because you've been single for so long and you don't want to go back to being alone in your life. I know it sucks, but try to understand, you don't want him because you think you two are great together. You want him because you are afraid of being alone again. During no contact, please try and go on as much dates as possible. Hopefully, it will give you some perspective.
Yes, start no contact for 60 days. There is a chance, but like I said it's a slim one. I think you are trying to hold on to him because you've been single for so long and you don't want to go back to being alone in your life. I know it sucks, but try to understand, you don't want him because you think you two are great together. You want him because you are afraid of being alone again. During no contact, please try and go on as much dates as possible. Hopefully, it will give you some perspective.
Yes, start no contact for 60 days. There is a chance, but like I said it's a slim one. I think you are trying to hold on to him because you've been single for so long and you don't want to go back to being alone in your life. I know it sucks, but try to understand, you don't want him because you think you two are great together. You want him because you are afraid of being alone again. During no contact, please try and go on as much dates as possible. Hopefully, it will give you some perspective.
Yes, start no contact for 60 days. There is a chance, but like I said it's a slim one. I think you are trying to hold on to him because you've been single for so long and you don't want to go back to being alone in your life. I know it sucks, but try to understand, you don't want him because you think you two are great together. You want him because you are afraid of being alone again. During no contact, please try and go on as much dates as possible. Hopefully, it will give you some perspective.
Thanks for your honest response. It was difficult to swallow. I saw him today. He told me he loved me but did not want to be in a relationship with me, he said after all our arguments something died and he was tired of trying. Again he offered for me to stay at ours. He would pay rent and bills until I got back on my feet but I had to be under no illusion that we would reunite. I said I couldn't accept it given I would hope for more given I was still in love with him. He said he was very sad what had happened between us. He hoped we would make it.
He said I can leave my things there as long as I want.
Is this where I start the no contact for sixty days? Is there a chance he will change his mind?
Thanks for your honest response. It was difficult to swallow. I saw him today. He told me he loved me but did not want to be in a relationship with me, he said after all our arguments something died and he was tired of trying. Again he offered for me to stay at ours. He would pay rent and bills until I got back on my feet but I had to be under no illusion that we would reunite. I said I couldn't accept it given I would hope for more given I was still in love with him. He said he was very sad what had happened between us. He hoped we would make it.
He said I can leave my things there as long as I want.
Is this where I start the no contact for sixty days? Is there a chance he will change his mind?
Kat,
I am sorry for everything that happened to you till now. I think you should not have too much hope about him. You tried a relationship with him and it simply didn't work out. You both are just no compatible with each other. I don't think you should even expect any emotional support from him. I know you are lonely right now, but you have to get out of this dark place by yourself. Seek therapy in your area if possible. There is a chance that you might get him back if you follow the plan, but I'll recommend you follow no contact for at least 60 days before getting back with him. I think you will realize during no contact that he isn't someone you should be investing your time and energy in.
Hello Kevin,
My gf and I recently broke up, we went out for about a year (on and off). Everything started great until one day I found her in front of her with another dude (just talking) since that day I really didn't trust her much but I decided to believe her excuse and gave a chance. She apologized and said that wanted to keep talking to me and he was just a friend. Three months later we started going out and things were going absolutely fantastic but due to bad experiences in past relationships she never opened up to me 100 percent but she said she loved me. After this incident I caught her 3 other times snapchats Instagram or texts with the same kid, things that were driving me crazy and chose to believe her again, maybe because I didn't wanna lose her. After doubts and insecurities on my part we ended it up breaking up. Two weeks later we got back and things were a lot better and finally felt loved and that she only had me in her mind, including I got to meet her family and to spend time with them, until 4 months later I found out she was snapchatting with another kid and ig blabla... I approached her about it and once again I fell for it. She got my point and deleted the kid from everywhere, something that I respected very much, and I finally felt that I was trying to prove she was getting. Communication for me is very important, and she always thought that it wasn't and that I didn't have to know the 401 of everything. Then, the excuses not to hang out, lies and weird mood changes started popping up. I'm not stupid I knew there was something up and it was just keeping me alarmed, which I caught her in many lies (nothing involve with talking with another kid) maybe it was just in my head. These things were making me overreact, over Annalyzed things and feel insecure. She decided to break up with me, I begged her, told her how I never loved anyone else before, and how could we forget about our future plans together. She never accepted her mistakes and said it was all my fault, however she loved me. We went back and forth for a week (casual sex and dates) until the next day she said that she didn't want to be with me anymore and it was over. I texted her for two days in a row with no answers, telling her how much I loved I missed her and hoping that the next one is better than me, what should I do? I wanna talk to her and I miss her I believe she's the love of my life, is there a possibility for us to come back again??
Thanks for your help!
Mike, it seems to me that you were extremely insecure in the relationship. You were invading her privacy constantly and were trying to control who she talks to and who she doesn't. You have a chance to get her back, but you need to work on your insecurities and your neediness before you contact her again.
Mike, it seems to me that you were extremely insecure in the relationship. You were invading her privacy constantly and were trying to control who she talks to and who she doesn't. You have a chance to get her back, but you need to work on your insecurities and your neediness before you contact her again.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your help and understanding what a tough time this is for me. I have a question about NC. I am 56 and she is 45 we have been dating for 2 years. There were many reasons we broke up but mainly it was the consent fighting about whose truth was right.
I broke the NC rule because at the time I had never heard of it. I made most of the mistakes listed. I made a vow to do the 30 days and start over. I am now at day 7. It's been hard because I feel she lied and betrayed me and it is hard to get her out of my mind but at the same time I feel a huge empty void!
Here is what I need a little assistance on. She was at a stop light and I was at a stop light going in opposite directions. I panicked and grabbed my work sheet and acting like I was reading until the light changed. I'm not sure what to do I just ignore her? Also if I run into at the gym or the super market do I say hello? I tried to find the answers on your website and I did read FAQ I want to be a success and do the 30 days but I would appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks
Steve
Whenever you run into her, treat her like you would treat an acquaintance. If you have to talk to her, keep the conversation short and end it saying you have to go somewhere/do something.
Thanks Kevin for your response. It helps me to better understand and make some kind of sense about all this! I'm still a little confused about the stop light situation? We travel the same road often as it is a small and we see each other in traffic. Do I wave to her? If she waves to me do I respond? I really want to do this right! I have mixed feelings.
One other question please: If I run into and she say hey I want to chat with you do you have time. Is the best response I cant right now I'm late for a meeting?
Don't wave to her. If she waves, wave back. If she asks you to chat, let her know beforehand that you need to get somewhere but give her a chance to talk. If she wants to talk about the relationship, just tell her you need some space and time right now and you don't think it's a good idea to talk about it right now. Be cordial everytime you see her but don't be needy.
Don't wave to her. If she waves, wave back. If she asks you to chat, let her know beforehand that you need to get somewhere but give her a chance to talk. If she wants to talk about the relationship, just tell her you need some space and time right now and you don't think it's a good idea to talk about it right now. Be cordial everytime you see her but don't be needy.
Don't wave to her. If she waves, wave back. If she asks you to chat, let her know beforehand that you need to get somewhere but give her a chance to talk. If she wants to talk about the relationship, just tell her you need some space and time right now and you don't think it's a good idea to talk about it right now. Be cordial everytime you see her but don't be needy.
Don't wave to her. If she waves, wave back. If she asks you to chat, let her know beforehand that you need to get somewhere but give her a chance to talk. If she wants to talk about the relationship, just tell her you need some space and time right now and you don't think it's a good idea to talk about it right now. Be cordial everytime you see her but don't be needy.
Thanks Kevin for your response. It helps me to better understand and make some kind of sense about all this! I'm still a little confused about the stop light situation? We travel the same road often as it is a small and we see each other in traffic. Do I wave to her? If she waves to me do I respond? I really want to do this right! I have mixed feelings.
One other question please: If I run into and she say hey I want to chat with you do you have time. Is the best response I cant right now I'm late for a meeting?
Thanks Kevin for your response. It helps me to better understand and make some kind of sense about all this! I'm still a little confused about the stop light situation? We travel the same road often as it is a small and we see each other in traffic. Do I wave to her? If she waves to me do I respond? I really want to do this right! I have mixed feelings.
One other question please: If I run into and she say hey I want to chat with you do you have time. Is the best response I cant right now I'm late for a meeting?
Whenever you run into her, treat her like you would treat an acquaintance. If you have to talk to her, keep the conversation short and end it saying you have to go somewhere/do something.
Does all of this advice apply to someone who was not necessarily your boyfriend? As in, it was a situation where there were no titles.
It depends. If you were close for a long time, then yes it does.
It depends. If you were close for a long time, then yes it does.
day 20
its getting easier.
but still i hate her so much, i feel used, how ungrateful she was.
but yes in overall its easier now.
i need advice,
when i was still in relationship with her, my relation wih her mom was good, her mom cared about me, treat me as her own kid, she like me, and i also nice with her.
then my ex gf went to overseas for a year since february 2014. then her mom tell me to come visit because she want to have a chat with me, i think she want to give advice for my relationship, cause that ldr made my relationship with her worse. and she know that.
but i was quite busy at that time, so i said to her ok i will spare my time, but there was always problem, my sister got sick that she had to rest at hospital for hepatitia a., so i frequently had to visit hospital a lot. and finally 3weeks after im asked to visit her, i planned to visit her mom few days later.
but unforunately she dumped me first in 15 march,
since then i strted nc. and of course i didnt think i should visit her mom.
its been 20 days, and just now, her mom message me on my blackberry tellin me, she really want to meet me, i havent opened the chat, so i dont know the rest of the text.
what shpuld i do now?
should i meet her? and how should i anwer her text, or how to behave.
im afraid i manage to nc for 20 days, i dont want to get struck again if i remember her at her home.
how if she later tell me somethig that make my heart hurt again.
but i also like her mom as my own mom.
and advice will be appreciated.
her mom last text was telling me to answer her chat.
but i dont know what to do, im still in hospital my father has leg injury, cant walk.
Hey,
It's a tricky situation. Talk to her Mom. Tell her that if she wants to talk about your ex or getting her back, you don't want to meet her as you need some space and time right now. Hopefully, she will understand.
i already replied her, i said that its oke i can meet her, she asked to meet today but i cant since i was quiet busy,
so i offer to meet her monday.
is this oke kevin?
can i suddenly for example tomorrow i ask her mom again, what she want to discuss, if its about my ex, i will tell that i cant meet her, since i need some time and space?
or am i already late?
thanks again
her mom also said my ex didnt know that she met me.
her mom said she loved me as her own son,
so she wonder why it started good, but why have to end like this,
she still want me close with her and my ex, maybe as friend. tell me to not hate my ex.
all the time i just said i need time etc.
later in the end, she apologized for bringin the topic about my ex, i said its oke, but dont talk again about this.
i rgret it kevin,
that feeling and thinkig toward her came again.
make me cannot focus on myself again.
OK, in that case, continue no contact for as long as you feel it's necessary. There's a checklist at the beginning of step 4. Use that.
OK, in that case, continue no contact for as long as you feel it's necessary. There's a checklist at the beginning of step 4. Use that.
OK, in that case, continue no contact for as long as you feel it's necessary. There's a checklist at the beginning of step 4. Use that.
OK, in that case, continue no contact for as long as you feel it's necessary. There's a checklist at the beginning of step 4. Use that.
OK, in that case, continue no contact for as long as you feel it's necessary. There's a checklist at the beginning of step 4. Use that.
Yes, ask her tomorrow.
thanks kevin,
i have met her mom,
she suspected that i become slimmer, more in shape.
earlier she talked about just ordinary things,
and she began to say that she didnt want to talk about my ex, but since we met, she would like to share her feeling.
she said my ex havent told anythin about the break up, when she asked my ex, my ex just cried and dont want to talk.
she kept bring topic about my ex.
when i cant interupt her talking, i jut said yes.
so all the time, i just said yes, or sorry i dont want to talk about, im not ready yet, etc.
i never initiate to talk about my ex.
her mom also said that my ex needs support as she is in overseas alone, and she thiink i can support my ex. i jut said i still need time.
she said, in relaitionship, its normal that sometimes rltnship can break and fixed again.
she also said that if i still have my ex contact,
its weird, if my ex havent told anyhing, why her mom is insecure like that, back then i ever told my ex, that usually when i breakup, i would delete contat, and i dont think rltnship that ever broke once, cant be fixed again.
also she asked whether im so hurt, or hate my ex,
i just say no, i try to forget it ,thats why i need time.
i dont know why she ask like that, did she know im the one being dumped and hurted.
do u have any adcice what to do next kevin?
does this meeti wih her mom means that i break nc?
thanks
i sometime rgrt meetig her, now few times, i have urge to break nc.
Hey,
I guess it was expected of her. Anyways, it happened. Continue with your nc and follow the rest of the plan. I'll recommend you add another week to your no contact because of this.
Hey,
I guess it was expected of her. Anyways, it happened. Continue with your nc and follow the rest of the plan. I'll recommend you add another week to your no contact because of this.
Hey,
I guess it was expected of her. Anyways, it happened. Continue with your nc and follow the rest of the plan. I'll recommend you add another week to your no contact because of this.
Hey,
I guess it was expected of her. Anyways, it happened. Continue with your nc and follow the rest of the plan. I'll recommend you add another week to your no contact because of this.
Hey,
I guess it was expected of her. Anyways, it happened. Continue with your nc and follow the rest of the plan. I'll recommend you add another week to your no contact because of this.
Hey,
I guess it was expected of her. Anyways, it happened. Continue with your nc and follow the rest of the plan. I'll recommend you add another week to your no contact because of this.
tomorrow i gonna meet her mom
.already asked her what she want to discuss, because i still dont want to talk about my ex.she said not going to talk about my ex, just want to have ordinary chat with me because havent meet me for so long.
do u have any advice tomorrow?
what should i say if suddenly she discuss about my ex?
thanks kevin.
i still wonder, do i make the right decision by agree to meet her?
is it okay?
If she does, just tell her you are not ready to talk about it and you'll appreciate it if she changes the topic. To be honest, even I am not sure if it's the right decision, but there is nothing you can do at this point. So there's no point worrying about it. As long as you don't talk to her about your ex, you will not look needy so I guess you'll be fine.
If she does, just tell her you are not ready to talk about it and you'll appreciate it if she changes the topic. To be honest, even I am not sure if it's the right decision, but there is nothing you can do at this point. So there's no point worrying about it. As long as you don't talk to her about your ex, you will not look needy so I guess you'll be fine.
If she does, just tell her you are not ready to talk about it and you'll appreciate it if she changes the topic. To be honest, even I am not sure if it's the right decision, but there is nothing you can do at this point. So there's no point worrying about it. As long as you don't talk to her about your ex, you will not look needy so I guess you'll be fine.
If she does, just tell her you are not ready to talk about it and you'll appreciate it if she changes the topic. To be honest, even I am not sure if it's the right decision, but there is nothing you can do at this point. So there's no point worrying about it. As long as you don't talk to her about your ex, you will not look needy so I guess you'll be fine.
If she does, just tell her you are not ready to talk about it and you'll appreciate it if she changes the topic. To be honest, even I am not sure if it's the right decision, but there is nothing you can do at this point. So there's no point worrying about it. As long as you don't talk to her about your ex, you will not look needy so I guess you'll be fine.
If she does, just tell her you are not ready to talk about it and you'll appreciate it if she changes the topic. To be honest, even I am not sure if it's the right decision, but there is nothing you can do at this point. So there's no point worrying about it. As long as you don't talk to her about your ex, you will not look needy so I guess you'll be fine.
thanks kevin,
i have met her mom,
she suspected that i become slimmer, more in shape.
earlier she talked about just ordinary things,
and she began to say that she didnt want to talk about my ex, but since we met, she would like to share her feeling.
she said my ex havent told anythin about the break up, when she asked my ex, my ex just cried and dont want to talk.
she kept bring topic about my ex.
when i cant interupt her talking, i jut said yes.
so all the time, i just said yes, or sorry i dont want to talk about, im not ready yet, etc.
i never initiate to talk about my ex.
her mom also said that my ex needs support as she is in overseas alone, and she thiink i can support my ex. i jut said i still need time.
she said, in relaitionship, its normal that sometimes rltnship can break and fixed again.
she also said that if i still have my ex contact,
its weird, if my ex havent told anyhing, why her mom is insecure like that, back then i ever told my ex, that usually when i breakup, i would delete contat, and i dont think rltnship that ever broke once, cant be fixed again.
also she asked whether im so hurt, or hate my ex,
i just say no, i try to forget it ,thats why i need time.
i dont know why she ask like that, did she know im the one being dumped and hurted.
do u have any adcice what to do next kevin?
does this meeti wih her mom means that i break nc?
thanks
i sometime rgrt meetig her, now few times, i have urge to break nc.
tomorrow i gonna meet her mom
.already asked her what she want to discuss, because i still dont want to talk about my ex.she said not going to talk about my ex, just want to have ordinary chat with me because havent meet me for so long.
do u have any advice tomorrow?
what should i say if suddenly she discuss about my ex?
thanks kevin.
i still wonder, do i make the right decision by agree to meet her?
is it okay?
thanks kevin,
i have met her mom,
she suspected that i become slimmer, more in shape.
earlier she talked about just ordinary things,
and she began to say that she didnt want to talk about my ex, but since we met, she would like to share her feeling.
she said my ex havent told anythin about the break up, when she asked my ex, my ex just cried and dont want to talk.
she kept bring topic about my ex.
when i cant interupt her talking, i jut said yes.
so all the time, i just said yes, or sorry i dont want to talk about, im not ready yet, etc.
i never initiate to talk about my ex.
her mom also said that my ex needs support as she is in overseas alone, and she thiink i can support my ex. i jut said i still need time.
she said, in relaitionship, its normal that sometimes rltnship can break and fixed again.
she also said that if i still have my ex contact,
its weird, if my ex havent told anyhing, why her mom is insecure like that, back then i ever told my ex, that usually when i breakup, i would delete contat, and i dont think rltnship that ever broke once, cant be fixed again.
also she asked whether im so hurt, or hate my ex,
i just say no, i try to forget it ,thats why i need time.
i dont know why she ask like that, did she know im the one being dumped and hurted.
do u have any adcice what to do next kevin?
does this meeti wih her mom means that i break nc?
thanks
i sometime rgrt meetig her, now few times, i have urge to break nc.
tomorrow i gonna meet her mom
.already asked her what she want to discuss, because i still dont want to talk about my ex.she said not going to talk about my ex, just want to have ordinary chat with me because havent meet me for so long.
do u have any advice tomorrow?
what should i say if suddenly she discuss about my ex?
thanks kevin.
i still wonder, do i make the right decision by agree to meet her?
is it okay?
thanks kevin,
i have met her mom,
she suspected that i become slimmer, more in shape.
earlier she talked about just ordinary things,
and she began to say that she didnt want to talk about my ex, but since we met, she would like to share her feeling.
she said my ex havent told anythin about the break up, when she asked my ex, my ex just cried and dont want to talk.
she kept bring topic about my ex.
when i cant interupt her talking, i jut said yes.
so all the time, i just said yes, or sorry i dont want to talk about, im not ready yet, etc.
i never initiate to talk about my ex.
her mom also said that my ex needs support as she is in overseas alone, and she thiink i can support my ex. i jut said i still need time.
she said, in relaitionship, its normal that sometimes rltnship can break and fixed again.
she also said that if i still have my ex contact,
its weird, if my ex havent told anyhing, why her mom is insecure like that, back then i ever told my ex, that usually when i breakup, i would delete contat, and i dont think rltnship that ever broke once, cant be fixed again.
also she asked whether im so hurt, or hate my ex,
i just say no, i try to forget it ,thats why i need time.
i dont know why she ask like that, did she know im the one being dumped and hurted.
do u have any adcice what to do next kevin?
does this meeti wih her mom means that i break nc?
thanks
i sometime rgrt meetig her, now few times, i have urge to break nc.
tomorrow i gonna meet her mom
.already asked her what she want to discuss, because i still dont want to talk about my ex.she said not going to talk about my ex, just want to have ordinary chat with me because havent meet me for so long.
do u have any advice tomorrow?
what should i say if suddenly she discuss about my ex?
thanks kevin.
i still wonder, do i make the right decision by agree to meet her?
is it okay?
thanks kevin,
i have met her mom,
she suspected that i become slimmer, more in shape.
earlier she talked about just ordinary things,
and she began to say that she didnt want to talk about my ex, but since we met, she would like to share her feeling.
she said my ex havent told anythin about the break up, when she asked my ex, my ex just cried and dont want to talk.
she kept bring topic about my ex.
when i cant interupt her talking, i jut said yes.
so all the time, i just said yes, or sorry i dont want to talk about, im not ready yet, etc.
i never initiate to talk about my ex.
her mom also said that my ex needs support as she is in overseas alone, and she thiink i can support my ex. i jut said i still need time.
she said, in relaitionship, its normal that sometimes rltnship can break and fixed again.
she also said that if i still have my ex contact,
its weird, if my ex havent told anyhing, why her mom is insecure like that, back then i ever told my ex, that usually when i breakup, i would delete contat, and i dont think rltnship that ever broke once, cant be fixed again.
also she asked whether im so hurt, or hate my ex,
i just say no, i try to forget it ,thats why i need time.
i dont know why she ask like that, did she know im the one being dumped and hurted.
do u have any adcice what to do next kevin?
does this meeti wih her mom means that i break nc?
thanks
i sometime rgrt meetig her, now few times, i have urge to break nc.
tomorrow i gonna meet her mom
.already asked her what she want to discuss, because i still dont want to talk about my ex.she said not going to talk about my ex, just want to have ordinary chat with me because havent meet me for so long.
do u have any advice tomorrow?
what should i say if suddenly she discuss about my ex?
thanks kevin.
i still wonder, do i make the right decision by agree to meet her?
is it okay?
her mom also said my ex didnt know that she met me.
her mom said she loved me as her own son,
so she wonder why it started good, but why have to end like this,
she still want me close with her and my ex, maybe as friend. tell me to not hate my ex.
all the time i just said i need time etc.
later in the end, she apologized for bringin the topic about my ex, i said its oke, but dont talk again about this.
i rgret it kevin,
that feeling and thinkig toward her came again.
make me cannot focus on myself again.
Yes, ask her tomorrow.
her mom also said my ex didnt know that she met me.
her mom said she loved me as her own son,
so she wonder why it started good, but why have to end like this,
she still want me close with her and my ex, maybe as friend. tell me to not hate my ex.
all the time i just said i need time etc.
later in the end, she apologized for bringin the topic about my ex, i said its oke, but dont talk again about this.
i rgret it kevin,
that feeling and thinkig toward her came again.
make me cannot focus on myself again.
Yes, ask her tomorrow.
her mom also said my ex didnt know that she met me.
her mom said she loved me as her own son,
so she wonder why it started good, but why have to end like this,
she still want me close with her and my ex, maybe as friend. tell me to not hate my ex.
all the time i just said i need time etc.
later in the end, she apologized for bringin the topic about my ex, i said its oke, but dont talk again about this.
i rgret it kevin,
that feeling and thinkig toward her came again.
make me cannot focus on myself again.
Yes, ask her tomorrow.
i already replied her, i said that its oke i can meet her, she asked to meet today but i cant since i was quiet busy,
so i offer to meet her monday.
is this oke kevin?
can i suddenly for example tomorrow i ask her mom again, what she want to discuss, if its about my ex, i will tell that i cant meet her, since i need some time and space?
or am i already late?
thanks again
i already replied her, i said that its oke i can meet her, she asked to meet today but i cant since i was quiet busy,
so i offer to meet her monday.
is this oke kevin?
can i suddenly for example tomorrow i ask her mom again, what she want to discuss, if its about my ex, i will tell that i cant meet her, since i need some time and space?
or am i already late?
thanks again
Hey,
It's a tricky situation. Talk to her Mom. Tell her that if she wants to talk about your ex or getting her back, you don't want to meet her as you need some space and time right now. Hopefully, she will understand.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend and I dated for over a year, and midway through the relationship I cheated on her twice. I was very insecure and I regretted doing this almost instantly. I believe I had anger issues as well (never physical of course, but verbally) and I think these insecurities led to the cheating.
Eventually, she broke up with me but we kept living together. Last month she met someone else and moved back. She wanted to stay in contact and has been jumping back and forth between "maybe someday we can work things out" to "let's be best friends" to "we shouldn't speak to each other" - she only started saying the last one when I began to message her really needy things. I'm on day 3 of the three day plan, and she has made her cover photo on Facebook a picture of George Harrison with lyrics to "My Sweet Lord" as the caption - this was one of our favourite songs together.
Do you think I should even bother with the 5 step plan or should I make adjustments? I understand where I went wrong and I truly believe I wouldn't make the same mistakes again, but like I said she has a new boyfriend.
Your advice?
Thank you/
Yes, you should follow the 5 step plan. Her new relationship is probably rebound and it'll end soon.
Sorry there was a typo in there, I should have said she met someone else and moved *out*, not back.
Still, your same advice stands?
Yeah, I understood the typo.
Do I even have a chance of salvaging this? People keep telling me to give up but I care about her so much. It seems like she'd be having a lot more fun with her new boyfriend now.
Hey Liam,
If you don't want to give up, then you should at least follow through the plan once. If it doesn't work, you will know for sure there isn't a chance anymore. As for her having fun, every new relationship is fun in the beginning. Especially rebounds. So don't worry about that.
Hey Liam,
If you don't want to give up, then you should at least follow through the plan once. If it doesn't work, you will know for sure there isn't a chance anymore. As for her having fun, every new relationship is fun in the beginning. Especially rebounds. So don't worry about that.
Hey Liam,
If you don't want to give up, then you should at least follow through the plan once. If it doesn't work, you will know for sure there isn't a chance anymore. As for her having fun, every new relationship is fun in the beginning. Especially rebounds. So don't worry about that.
Hey Liam,
If you don't want to give up, then you should at least follow through the plan once. If it doesn't work, you will know for sure there isn't a chance anymore. As for her having fun, every new relationship is fun in the beginning. Especially rebounds. So don't worry about that.
Hey Liam,
If you don't want to give up, then you should at least follow through the plan once. If it doesn't work, you will know for sure there isn't a chance anymore. As for her having fun, every new relationship is fun in the beginning. Especially rebounds. So don't worry about that.
Hey Liam,
If you don't want to give up, then you should at least follow through the plan once. If it doesn't work, you will know for sure there isn't a chance anymore. As for her having fun, every new relationship is fun in the beginning. Especially rebounds. So don't worry about that.
^To add to that, next time I see her should I just wait until the time feels right and apologise for the way I acted and tell her I've grown?
Hey Liam,
Since you never completed no contact and considering you are still hurt and you are still putting her on a pedestal, you should start no contact again and this time, keep it for 30 days. Read the checklist in the beginning of fourth step of the 5 step plan.
Hey Liam,
Since you never completed no contact and considering you are still hurt and you are still putting her on a pedestal, you should start no contact again and this time, keep it for 30 days. Read the checklist in the beginning of fourth step of the 5 step plan.
Hey Liam,
Since you never completed no contact and considering you are still hurt and you are still putting her on a pedestal, you should start no contact again and this time, keep it for 30 days. Read the checklist in the beginning of fourth step of the 5 step plan.
Hey Liam,
Since you never completed no contact and considering you are still hurt and you are still putting her on a pedestal, you should start no contact again and this time, keep it for 30 days. Read the checklist in the beginning of fourth step of the 5 step plan.
Hey Liam,
Since you never completed no contact and considering you are still hurt and you are still putting her on a pedestal, you should start no contact again and this time, keep it for 30 days. Read the checklist in the beginning of fourth step of the 5 step plan.
Hey Liam,
Since you never completed no contact and considering you are still hurt and you are still putting her on a pedestal, you should start no contact again and this time, keep it for 30 days. Read the checklist in the beginning of fourth step of the 5 step plan.
So basically, after she sent me that message I said to her I didn't do any such thing, she said "I don't know if I can trust you, but I hope the family is well". I said they were, we got to a brief chat and we made plans to walk our dog together (who lives with me). We got on really well, laughter and all of that, that we hung out for basically 24 hours. She mentioned to me she was going away for the Easter long weekend with her new boyfriend and I just said something along the lines of "Oh that will be fun".
We made more plans to hang out this coming week, and it seems like we're getting along, but I've read other things on the internet that say it's important to not just become friends with her, because she'll soon leave entirely.
What do I do? I miss her too much to start another period of no contact and the concept of losing her forever makes me miserable, especially when I think about all the things I should have but didn't do in the relationship and how horribly I treated her. It's been almost 2 months since she moved out and it's not getting any easier. What do I do?
Someone told her I have been telling people we broke up because she cheated on *me* (I haven't been doing this) and she sent me a message (7 days into NC again btw) calling me a bunch of names asking me what my problem is.... what do?
Don't do anything. If she keeps on contacting you, tell her you didn't do any such thing and you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a while.
Don't do anything. If she keeps on contacting you, tell her you didn't do any such thing and you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a while.
Don't do anything. If she keeps on contacting you, tell her you didn't do any such thing and you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a while.
Don't do anything. If she keeps on contacting you, tell her you didn't do any such thing and you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a while.
Don't do anything. If she keeps on contacting you, tell her you didn't do any such thing and you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a while.
Don't do anything. If she keeps on contacting you, tell her you didn't do any such thing and you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't contact you for a while.
Do you think I should buy her am elaborate gift for Easter and just drop it in her mail box without messaging or anything, maybe just a card with it?
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
So after 3 days of no contact she is sending me snapchats which I'm not replying to. Do you think 30 days is too long in my case? Sorry for all of the questions, as you can probably tell though I feel a lot of guilt.
If she keeps contacting you for the next few days, tell her you need some space and time and continue no contact. I don't think 30 days is too long.
If she keeps contacting you for the next few days, tell her you need some space and time and continue no contact. I don't think 30 days is too long.
If she keeps contacting you for the next few days, tell her you need some space and time and continue no contact. I don't think 30 days is too long.
If she keeps contacting you for the next few days, tell her you need some space and time and continue no contact. I don't think 30 days is too long.
If she keeps contacting you for the next few days, tell her you need some space and time and continue no contact. I don't think 30 days is too long.
If she keeps contacting you for the next few days, tell her you need some space and time and continue no contact. I don't think 30 days is too long.
I slipped up and began talking to her after 7 days of NC, she seemed interested for a bit but then she lost all interest in talking to me and it feels like I'm back to square 1. What now? I feel like she is much happier without me.
You should start no contact again if you still want to pursue her. I think you showed some neediness which she picked up on and then lost interest.
You should start no contact again if you still want to pursue her. I think you showed some neediness which she picked up on and then lost interest.
You should start no contact again if you still want to pursue her. I think you showed some neediness which she picked up on and then lost interest.
You should start no contact again if you still want to pursue her. I think you showed some neediness which she picked up on and then lost interest.
You should start no contact again if you still want to pursue her. I think you showed some neediness which she picked up on and then lost interest.
You should start no contact again if you still want to pursue her. I think you showed some neediness which she picked up on and then lost interest.
Do I even have a chance of salvaging this? People keep telling me to give up but I care about her so much. It seems like she'd be having a lot more fun with her new boyfriend now.
^To add to that, next time I see her should I just wait until the time feels right and apologise for the way I acted and tell her I've grown?
So basically, after she sent me that message I said to her I didn't do any such thing, she said "I don't know if I can trust you, but I hope the family is well". I said they were, we got to a brief chat and we made plans to walk our dog together (who lives with me). We got on really well, laughter and all of that, that we hung out for basically 24 hours. She mentioned to me she was going away for the Easter long weekend with her new boyfriend and I just said something along the lines of "Oh that will be fun".
We made more plans to hang out this coming week, and it seems like we're getting along, but I've read other things on the internet that say it's important to not just become friends with her, because she'll soon leave entirely.
What do I do? I miss her too much to start another period of no contact and the concept of losing her forever makes me miserable, especially when I think about all the things I should have but didn't do in the relationship and how horribly I treated her. It's been almost 2 months since she moved out and it's not getting any easier. What do I do?
Someone told her I have been telling people we broke up because she cheated on *me* (I haven't been doing this) and she sent me a message (7 days into NC again btw) calling me a bunch of names asking me what my problem is.... what do?
Do you think I should buy her am elaborate gift for Easter and just drop it in her mail box without messaging or anything, maybe just a card with it?
So after 3 days of no contact she is sending me snapchats which I'm not replying to. Do you think 30 days is too long in my case? Sorry for all of the questions, as you can probably tell though I feel a lot of guilt.
I slipped up and began talking to her after 7 days of NC, she seemed interested for a bit but then she lost all interest in talking to me and it feels like I'm back to square 1. What now? I feel like she is much happier without me.
Do I even have a chance of salvaging this? People keep telling me to give up but I care about her so much. It seems like she'd be having a lot more fun with her new boyfriend now.
^To add to that, next time I see her should I just wait until the time feels right and apologise for the way I acted and tell her I've grown?
So basically, after she sent me that message I said to her I didn't do any such thing, she said "I don't know if I can trust you, but I hope the family is well". I said they were, we got to a brief chat and we made plans to walk our dog together (who lives with me). We got on really well, laughter and all of that, that we hung out for basically 24 hours. She mentioned to me she was going away for the Easter long weekend with her new boyfriend and I just said something along the lines of "Oh that will be fun".
We made more plans to hang out this coming week, and it seems like we're getting along, but I've read other things on the internet that say it's important to not just become friends with her, because she'll soon leave entirely.
What do I do? I miss her too much to start another period of no contact and the concept of losing her forever makes me miserable, especially when I think about all the things I should have but didn't do in the relationship and how horribly I treated her. It's been almost 2 months since she moved out and it's not getting any easier. What do I do?
Someone told her I have been telling people we broke up because she cheated on *me* (I haven't been doing this) and she sent me a message (7 days into NC again btw) calling me a bunch of names asking me what my problem is.... what do?
Do you think I should buy her am elaborate gift for Easter and just drop it in her mail box without messaging or anything, maybe just a card with it?
So after 3 days of no contact she is sending me snapchats which I'm not replying to. Do you think 30 days is too long in my case? Sorry for all of the questions, as you can probably tell though I feel a lot of guilt.
I slipped up and began talking to her after 7 days of NC, she seemed interested for a bit but then she lost all interest in talking to me and it feels like I'm back to square 1. What now? I feel like she is much happier without me.
Do I even have a chance of salvaging this? People keep telling me to give up but I care about her so much. It seems like she'd be having a lot more fun with her new boyfriend now.
^To add to that, next time I see her should I just wait until the time feels right and apologise for the way I acted and tell her I've grown?
So basically, after she sent me that message I said to her I didn't do any such thing, she said "I don't know if I can trust you, but I hope the family is well". I said they were, we got to a brief chat and we made plans to walk our dog together (who lives with me). We got on really well, laughter and all of that, that we hung out for basically 24 hours. She mentioned to me she was going away for the Easter long weekend with her new boyfriend and I just said something along the lines of "Oh that will be fun".
We made more plans to hang out this coming week, and it seems like we're getting along, but I've read other things on the internet that say it's important to not just become friends with her, because she'll soon leave entirely.
What do I do? I miss her too much to start another period of no contact and the concept of losing her forever makes me miserable, especially when I think about all the things I should have but didn't do in the relationship and how horribly I treated her. It's been almost 2 months since she moved out and it's not getting any easier. What do I do?
Someone told her I have been telling people we broke up because she cheated on *me* (I haven't been doing this) and she sent me a message (7 days into NC again btw) calling me a bunch of names asking me what my problem is.... what do?
Do you think I should buy her am elaborate gift for Easter and just drop it in her mail box without messaging or anything, maybe just a card with it?
So after 3 days of no contact she is sending me snapchats which I'm not replying to. Do you think 30 days is too long in my case? Sorry for all of the questions, as you can probably tell though I feel a lot of guilt.
I slipped up and began talking to her after 7 days of NC, she seemed interested for a bit but then she lost all interest in talking to me and it feels like I'm back to square 1. What now? I feel like she is much happier without me.
Do I even have a chance of salvaging this? People keep telling me to give up but I care about her so much. It seems like she'd be having a lot more fun with her new boyfriend now.
^To add to that, next time I see her should I just wait until the time feels right and apologise for the way I acted and tell her I've grown?
So basically, after she sent me that message I said to her I didn't do any such thing, she said "I don't know if I can trust you, but I hope the family is well". I said they were, we got to a brief chat and we made plans to walk our dog together (who lives with me). We got on really well, laughter and all of that, that we hung out for basically 24 hours. She mentioned to me she was going away for the Easter long weekend with her new boyfriend and I just said something along the lines of "Oh that will be fun".
We made more plans to hang out this coming week, and it seems like we're getting along, but I've read other things on the internet that say it's important to not just become friends with her, because she'll soon leave entirely.
What do I do? I miss her too much to start another period of no contact and the concept of losing her forever makes me miserable, especially when I think about all the things I should have but didn't do in the relationship and how horribly I treated her. It's been almost 2 months since she moved out and it's not getting any easier. What do I do?
Someone told her I have been telling people we broke up because she cheated on *me* (I haven't been doing this) and she sent me a message (7 days into NC again btw) calling me a bunch of names asking me what my problem is.... what do?
Do you think I should buy her am elaborate gift for Easter and just drop it in her mail box without messaging or anything, maybe just a card with it?
So after 3 days of no contact she is sending me snapchats which I'm not replying to. Do you think 30 days is too long in my case? Sorry for all of the questions, as you can probably tell though I feel a lot of guilt.
I slipped up and began talking to her after 7 days of NC, she seemed interested for a bit but then she lost all interest in talking to me and it feels like I'm back to square 1. What now? I feel like she is much happier without me.
Oh wow, so she just unfriended me on Facebook.... what's next? Just re-add her after 30 days?
Don't add her. If she adds you back, then accept her request. But don't add her from your side.
Don't add her. If she adds you back, then accept her request. But don't add her from your side.
Don't add her. If she adds you back, then accept her request. But don't add her from your side.
Don't add her. If she adds you back, then accept her request. But don't add her from your side.
Don't add her. If she adds you back, then accept her request. But don't add her from your side.
Yeah, I understood the typo.
Oh wow, so she just unfriended me on Facebook.... what's next? Just re-add her after 30 days?
Yeah, I understood the typo.
Oh wow, so she just unfriended me on Facebook.... what's next? Just re-add her after 30 days?
Yeah, I understood the typo.
Oh wow, so she just unfriended me on Facebook.... what's next? Just re-add her after 30 days?
Sorry there was a typo in there, I should have said she met someone else and moved *out*, not back.
Still, your same advice stands?
Sorry there was a typo in there, I should have said she met someone else and moved *out*, not back.
Still, your same advice stands?
Yes, you should follow the 5 step plan. Her new relationship is probably rebound and it'll end soon.
Me again :) So after 1 month of texting, 2/3 weeks of extensive texting every day/night (mostly him initiating) we finally went for a coffee. He even suggested we meet up half an hour earlier (so we could be together longer before he goes to work), he took me to a nice place by the river, we joked a lot, he called me by a cute name... and when he brought me back he reached out for a hug in the car which really surprised me. He texted me later on in the evening and then again 2 days later. At that point I told him it was nice seeing him. It took him ages to reply but then he said it was nice seeing me too, after all this time. I added that I also liked that he hugged me at the end... after which he just stopped replying. He hasn't replied the whole day, I know he has been very busy (he told me he would be even before we met up and that he wouldn't have a day off for the next 2 weeks), but he always found the time. If not before, I expected a text from him really early in the morning before or after his work out, but nothing. He only replied later on in the morning, nice as usual, like he hasn't been ignoring me for a whole day... and he said the hug came very spontaneously to him. I admit I got annoyed a bit since it's the first time that it seemed like he went a bit cold. Should I worry about this? How should I proceed now? I was thinking maybe waiting until evening to reply and just say that I am on my way out and talk to you soon or something like this. Maybe I scared him off and I should take a step back. What's your take on this? Also, 2 common friends told me (they don't know we are back in contact) that he is not into this girl of his and that they got the impression he is with her just for the sake of it, but he doesn't seem to have feelings for her (which I always thought).
Back off just a little bit. I don't think you scared him off. Maybe he was really just busy and didn't how to respond to your text. Let him initiate the next text conversation.
Back off just a little bit. I don't think you scared him off. Maybe he was really just busy and didn't how to respond to your text. Let him initiate the next text conversation.
Im just curious what your thought is on this. My girlfriend left a month ago and I know a lot of the reason was me. I did the normal crazy messaging thing. A week after she left she got into an open relationship with her best friend of 10 years. Is this a rebound thing or did she just now realize she is in love with her?
It's hard to say. It could be a rebound. The only thing you can do is wait and see. Follow the 5 step plan.
It's hard to say. It could be a rebound. The only thing you can do is wait and see. Follow the 5 step plan.
hey kevin,i have been dating my boyfriend for 4months and before he broke up with me we were going through somethings[mainly insecurities] the day he broke up with me his childhood friend had comeover to stay for week.i told him i wasnt comfortable with her staying over for that long and said that shes just a friend.we argued when i left his house and hes never talked to me since that day.it has been 4months now and he still hasnt talked to me,but i really love him and i want him back in my life.
what could have been the problem and how can i get him back,since hes not even talking to me
I think you should contact him. If he doesn't respond, then it's best for you to move on. If he does respond, follow the 5 step plan (without no contact).
I think you should contact him. If he doesn't respond, then it's best for you to move on. If he does respond, follow the 5 step plan (without no contact).
hi kevin, i had been in 1yr and 2months relationship with my girlfriend. she broke up with me for some other boy. never thought she would do it as she showed her love and care so much when she was with me. and i did beg her to not to leave but she didnt even listen. i called her many times and even texted. but after 3 days of total sadness i decided to move on and i did. and i have never contacted her for almost 3 months. and have never seen her. and i went in to a relationship with someother girl. she then send me a friend request on fb and and also follows me in fb and sends me messages . after total month of her disturbness one night i toked to her and that lead to me getting bak with her and breaking up with the new girlfriend. and now we are together. kevin. tell me wat to do inorder to make her more in to me and make her not leave me. she said she cudnt be with other guys. she went in to a relationship with other boy cuz she kinda felt bored of me. and now that she realised that she cudnt live without me. and she says she wudnt do that again. kevin plx tel me wat shud i do? i think i already being needy?
There are a lot of things you can do to keep the spark alive in the relationship. This comment section is not a place to cover everything. I think you need to first work on your neediness. You need to accept the fact that even if she does leave you again, it will not be the end of the world. She left you once, and you went through the pain and got her back. If she leaves you again, you'll still be fine. Stop saying things like "you can't live without her" to yourself. Read books about on how to improve confidence, how to communicate properly in a relationship and self-improvement. Have a goal in life and pursue it.
There are a lot of things you can do to keep the spark alive in the relationship. This comment section is not a place to cover everything. I think you need to first work on your neediness. You need to accept the fact that even if she does leave you again, it will not be the end of the world. She left you once, and you went through the pain and got her back. If she leaves you again, you'll still be fine. Stop saying things like "you can't live without her" to yourself. Read books about on how to improve confidence, how to communicate properly in a relationship and self-improvement. Have a goal in life and pursue it.
Hello,
Sorry for my not so good english.. :) I try my best.
So my problem is this "normal".
Ex left and I would want to know if there is any chances to get back together or not.
Our trip started almost 3 years ago. We lived in different countries ( inside Europe still) so we had only letter friendship at the beginning.
He moved to me last July so we lived together only 7,5 months when he got enough.
We had huge fight before that and then he said he wants to find own apartment.
We both are really strong persons so fight comes easily.
After, we always said sorry and all beautiful things and that we love each other more than anything.
So after that one huge fight...
He moved away. I asked was he sure about it and does he understad that relationship is then over. He didnt want that.. he said he wants to still meet and do together nice things and try to get those stronger feelings back because he remerbered how happy we was before. Fights was there too often so he wanted to cool down our situation.
I didn´ want that but after few days thinking I thought maybe it was a great idea. Both have time to think and miss each other and have own space.
He seemed to be happy when I called and told I want to try. We met and talked much about our relationship. We made decision that we try.
So.. We only met few times during that 1,5 week and then one day he send me message that he don´t come to me that evening. He don´t feel good.
I called and asked if he is sick. No.. just tired he said.
I had feeling there that everything is not okay. I asked what´s going on, why I have feeling that I´m now the onlyone who try to keep this relationship alive even when that was his idea.
He said that he don´t have feeling anymore.. not so strong ones.
What?! Just few weeks ago we had talked about marriage and kids and we was planning trip which we bought too. And he was so happy about everything.. even more than me.
And now he said he don´t have feelings. Just when he was moving out he was crying and said it's so difficult because he has this feelings.
It´s too late to fix things he said on the phone. " I should have said this when I was moving out."
And he was crying again and said.. Heart would want but head say different.
I really can´t understand. I was shocked.
Man who just say to me that he loves me so much act then like that?!
Why? And what was the reason?
He was living there.. in the school.. and he has just said to me that he don´t try to find apartment only for this few months because school is soon over. So of course I took it like he want to move then back.
I can´t believe that feelings can just die.
I feel myself like betrayed.
He have done same kind before.. saying that now it´s end. We only havent´t even met yet.
He deleted facebook friendship and so on.. Our longest break up was two weeks.
And then he always call or send letter or something where he is crying and saying he wants me back.
I should open my eyes already and see this impossible relationship.
I still have feelings so much! I though everything gonna change when we finally live together. And all went so good. Yes.. there was fights but not so bad ones like our latest.
His one reason why he wanted to move out was that he haven´t felt my home like our home. Because in some fights I ( stupid stupid me) used it against him.
He was really stressed before this break up.
He has moved here to learn language and it wasn´t sure can he continue that after summer. So he would need to move then back his homeland immediately after school and continue working there because his work place needs him till june 2015.
I don't know was this one reason for his behavior.
I can't move with him because I have my studies here still few years.
If there is some other woman.. I don´t think so because he was always home with me and didn´t have any own things.. Only that school and there can´t be anyone for him.
His behavior is weird.
He haven´t delete me from facebook. Still have there picture where we are together or our legs are there together. And just few days ago he shared there song which text was totally like from our life like words: do me this favor and give it time.. time reveals. And our love is real and true.
Of course I don´t know does this mean anything. Maybe only stupid dreams from little girl.. even when I'm 32years old.. and he btw 33.
I follow your program.. ten days already.
I haven´t answer his message. He has found my shirt in his car and want to return it.
And he needed my help to find an address to one place.
So no.. no answer. But then he send message to my mum where he asked am I alright because he haven´t reached me and he have worries about me.
So I needed to answer where I only say that we don´t have to meet. I gave him address where he will find what he need and shirt he could drop to my postbox.
Okay, was his answer.
So yes... ten days now and I'm proud of myself that I have survived without him.
So.. what do you think? Should I continue my life without hopes that maybe there´s still something and we can work out things?
Or should I really forget him?
I hope my english wasn´t so bad :)
Hey Nora,
Sorry you have to go through this breakup. I am glad you are feeling better after 10 days. In the next 20 days, you'll feel even better. Don't forget to make some positive changes in your life during these 20 days. I think you do have a chance to get back together. Try getting him back once using the plan, and if it doesn't work, then move on.
Hey Nora,
Sorry you have to go through this breakup. I am glad you are feeling better after 10 days. In the next 20 days, you'll feel even better. Don't forget to make some positive changes in your life during these 20 days. I think you do have a chance to get back together. Try getting him back once using the plan, and if it doesn't work, then move on.
Hi Kev, would this plan still work when it was agreed between me and my partner that we'll treat each other like strangers from this point forward? After constant fights and "breaks" which involved me committing a majority of the deadly mistakes you mention in your site, I told my boyfriend ok if this is what you really want then I'd like us to stop all form of contact and remain strangers. He agreed that this would be the best solution for us. If he is aware that I won't be contacting him, is there any chance of me getting him back?
I'll recommend you keep no contact for 60 days. I think it's worth trying to contact him after that. If he doesn't respond, then you can move on.
I'll recommend you keep no contact for 60 days. I think it's worth trying to contact him after that. If he doesn't respond, then you can move on.
My ex fiancê and I were together for 2.5 years. We are expecting a little girl in the next month. He broke up with me two weeks ago. We got in a fight and I decided to leave for a few days. Before leaving I walked over to him and kissed his cheek and he put his arm on my waist. The next day I tried texting him but he ignored me. I told him I would be home that night after having an emotional breakdown but ended up falling asleep on my friend's couch. The next morning I woke up to a text asking where I was but I ignored it. Later on he called me and I ignored that too. He texted me a few minutes later asking for me to at least let him know I was okay. So I did. I told him I was fine and I am just trying to give him space and he broke up with me. Shortly after I went home and waited because he said we would talk about it later. When he got home he talked saying that I could live in the apartment and he would stay elsewhere. He said I just kept bringing him down with me when I was upset and that he couldn't take it anymore. Though hurt I just said okay. He left to go spend time with family and when he came back we got in a fight and I ended up calling my parents saying I couldn't be there anymore. My parents live 10 hours away. He seemed upset but didn't say anything. The next day I told him I would stay if we could work on us and he agreed. Then later he told me he would be too busy to see me or our daughter. I got really confused on what to do. Finally I said I was gonna move and he became quiet. He would try to convince me to stay but say he would have no time for us. On the way home he began to cry, which he never does, and I tried to get him to talk to me. We sat in the car and he told me he didn't want to be distanced from his daughter and cried more. I then told him he cant force himself to have feelings for me that aren't there and he began to cry more. He said he needed to leave so I hugged him and kissed his cheek again then went inside. That night his mom came to get him to try to take his mind off of things and she ended up telling me I was being selfish. I responded by saying I needed to leave to get help for my depression that made him feel like I brought him down with me. We hugged again and he left. The next day my parents came to get me and that night he texted me saying he hopes I made it safely. I didn't respond again until the next evening and he got upset because I didn't reply to him earlier. The first few days I texted him saying I missed him and that I loved him but he would ignore my texts. He called saying there is no chance of us getting back together but we can be friends and see where it goes from there. I also noticed he was talking to his ex who from what he told me didn't make him happy. I agreed and texted him less. A week after he broke up with me I texted him an update of the baby and that I did indeed tell the doctor that I have been depressed for years and I had gotten anti depressents. He said Thats great to the baby update and Thats good to me getting help and somehow it got brought up about us getting back together and he said he would never have feelings for me again. We didn't text for two days then he texted me asking a question about something and I asked him about his family who has been ill and how he was doing. His response was just the word alright and he said he was tired so I said okay and to text me later. The next day I texted him telling him about my ill uncle and he didn't reply. That was a couple days ago. He keeps telling me one thing then tells me another and Im confused and I feel like he is too. I'm refraining from texting him unless he texts me or I have a baby update. What should I do?
I think you should not respond to him unless it's regarding the baby. He needs some time and space. Follow the 5 step plan. I hope he comes back before the delivery but you should prepare yourself for the worst. There is a chance that he might never come back.
I think you should not respond to him unless it's regarding the baby. He needs some time and space. Follow the 5 step plan. I hope he comes back before the delivery but you should prepare yourself for the worst. There is a chance that he might never come back.
I broke up with my ex two months ago after I found him flirting with another girl and trying to hide it. He's always had eyes for other girls and that's caused trust issues for us. Initially, he chased me and begged me to get back with him for a month, then he gave up and decided he didn't want me. He said he hadn't loved me for months and he liked this new girl who lives 2 hours away on the train. He's met up with her 3 times in the space of a month. I went 6 days with no contact but then he messaged me trying to cause an argument.. I'm not sure whether this is a rebound or not and if I have a chance to get him back or not too?
You do have a chance and it's probably a rebound. Follow the 5 step plan.
You do have a chance and it's probably a rebound. Follow the 5 step plan.
I'm a male and I have been dishonest with my girlfriend, I've been with her for 6 years and have 3 kids with her (2 are from a previous marriage of hers but I count as mine as I have brought them up) I had real issues throughout the relationship of opening up to her, I would keep things to myself and if she found out from another source she would go mad, but always made up quickly however last summer I broke her heart by hurting her trust in me, I didn't cheat on her but my actions affected her family. We split up but in November she asked me back to try again, it was great she was sending me lovely messages of fresh starts etc but never went as far as saying she loved me except a ditto when I said it to her, then February this year she said she needed space from me and asked me to move out, a week later she ended it saying she can't forgive me as it's too big. Since then she said she doesn't want the kids to know about us and doesn't want to introduce another man in to their lives ever, I took this as a positive, so we pretend I'm still living there and she is great in regards to letting me be there with the kids, a few weeks ago she text me saying she missed me and missed sex with me, she then apologised in the evening for leading me on, I have found out now that she is seeing someone else, if I don't see her or speak to her for more than a day she texts me to ask if I'm ok, is she still hoping for reconciliation or is she using me? I've read the way some people can shut off all feelings but my ex seems to be keeping me around, sometimes I catch her looking at me and it's the old look of love and intensity we once had, our relationship was outstanding in every aspect and I ruined it, I'm holding on to hope that I will be part of this family again, just want some advice thanks
I decided to have the no contact rule on monday and on tuesday night she text asking if i was ok, i replied because i was weak! we chatted and she said she wasnt happy with the path she is following but also doesnt want to be the person that forgives me because it will make her feel horrible.
Were getting on because I do see the kids often, just dont know if its heading in the right direction or i'm believing it in my own head.
When i'm in the house she is open with regards to things like walking around in her underwear or she is in the bath etc and asks me to get her a drink etc, no awkwardness but i guess 6 years of me she is comfortable, my heart says she still loves me and my head is leaning that way too, but I do over analyze things sometimes.
Ive started being the confident guy this week and gently flirting when appropriate, I feel better with myself and I go to the gym a lot now to air my frustrations.
hope you can help
Steffan,
You will have to apply no contact. Tell her you need some space and time and start no contact. At least for two weeks. Then get back in touch with her and slowly take things forward.
Hi Kevin, I'm with my youngest this weekend and I'm going to tell her calmly on Sunday when I drop him off that I need space from her, I'm still confused as to what to do with the kids but my head is saying a 2 week no contact break is better than 2 weeks but with intermittent contact seeing me when I see the kids, do you think so?
Yes, I do think so. If it's possible, do it.
Hi Kevin, I will see the kids because I love them, it's day 1 of no contact, I was around the house last night and as I put the kids to bed she was ushering me out of the house with haste, as I leave a car turns up so I guess she is still seeing this guy, she texts me to apologise for ushering me out with haste and said she didn't want to come across as being rude, I didn't reply, I picked my son up this morning and I didn't step in the house and I didn't look at her, it kills me seeing her, already she is texting but about my boy, which I reply too, she then calls me to ask If I have something of his but I can tell from her voice she is confused from the happy chatty guy last night to me ignoring her, it's going to be a long 2 weeks but it's got to be done now for my own self worth.
All the best Steffan.
All the best Steffan.
All the best Steffan.
All the best Steffan.
All the best Steffan.
All the best Steffan.
Hi Kevin, just told her and it went down like a lead balloon, just kept saying that I shouldn't have messed it up in the first place, how could I do what I did, she was happy with our family etc, just kept repeating what I did, I'm going to see the kids but try and somehow do it away from her, she was making me feel guilty about not seeing the kids, I'm under such a spell with get it kills me.
I hope this works
She is trying to make you feel guilty so she doesn't have to own up to her actions. You are willing to make it work and she is not. It's as much as her fault as it is yours. Don't let her guilt trip you into anything. Do what you think is best for you. If you think the kids will be okay about not seeing you for a couple of weeks, do it.
She is trying to make you feel guilty so she doesn't have to own up to her actions. You are willing to make it work and she is not. It's as much as her fault as it is yours. Don't let her guilt trip you into anything. Do what you think is best for you. If you think the kids will be okay about not seeing you for a couple of weeks, do it.
She is trying to make you feel guilty so she doesn't have to own up to her actions. You are willing to make it work and she is not. It's as much as her fault as it is yours. Don't let her guilt trip you into anything. Do what you think is best for you. If you think the kids will be okay about not seeing you for a couple of weeks, do it.
She is trying to make you feel guilty so she doesn't have to own up to her actions. You are willing to make it work and she is not. It's as much as her fault as it is yours. Don't let her guilt trip you into anything. Do what you think is best for you. If you think the kids will be okay about not seeing you for a couple of weeks, do it.
She is trying to make you feel guilty so she doesn't have to own up to her actions. You are willing to make it work and she is not. It's as much as her fault as it is yours. Don't let her guilt trip you into anything. Do what you think is best for you. If you think the kids will be okay about not seeing you for a couple of weeks, do it.
She is trying to make you feel guilty so she doesn't have to own up to her actions. You are willing to make it work and she is not. It's as much as her fault as it is yours. Don't let her guilt trip you into anything. Do what you think is best for you. If you think the kids will be okay about not seeing you for a couple of weeks, do it.
Hi Kevin, I will see the kids because I love them, it's day 1 of no contact, I was around the house last night and as I put the kids to bed she was ushering me out of the house with haste, as I leave a car turns up so I guess she is still seeing this guy, she texts me to apologise for ushering me out with haste and said she didn't want to come across as being rude, I didn't reply, I picked my son up this morning and I didn't step in the house and I didn't look at her, it kills me seeing her, already she is texting but about my boy, which I reply too, she then calls me to ask If I have something of his but I can tell from her voice she is confused from the happy chatty guy last night to me ignoring her, it's going to be a long 2 weeks but it's got to be done now for my own self worth.
Hi Kevin, just told her and it went down like a lead balloon, just kept saying that I shouldn't have messed it up in the first place, how could I do what I did, she was happy with our family etc, just kept repeating what I did, I'm going to see the kids but try and somehow do it away from her, she was making me feel guilty about not seeing the kids, I'm under such a spell with get it kills me.
I hope this works
Hi Kevin, I will see the kids because I love them, it's day 1 of no contact, I was around the house last night and as I put the kids to bed she was ushering me out of the house with haste, as I leave a car turns up so I guess she is still seeing this guy, she texts me to apologise for ushering me out with haste and said she didn't want to come across as being rude, I didn't reply, I picked my son up this morning and I didn't step in the house and I didn't look at her, it kills me seeing her, already she is texting but about my boy, which I reply too, she then calls me to ask If I have something of his but I can tell from her voice she is confused from the happy chatty guy last night to me ignoring her, it's going to be a long 2 weeks but it's got to be done now for my own self worth.
Hi Kevin, just told her and it went down like a lead balloon, just kept saying that I shouldn't have messed it up in the first place, how could I do what I did, she was happy with our family etc, just kept repeating what I did, I'm going to see the kids but try and somehow do it away from her, she was making me feel guilty about not seeing the kids, I'm under such a spell with get it kills me.
I hope this works
Hi Kevin, I will see the kids because I love them, it's day 1 of no contact, I was around the house last night and as I put the kids to bed she was ushering me out of the house with haste, as I leave a car turns up so I guess she is still seeing this guy, she texts me to apologise for ushering me out with haste and said she didn't want to come across as being rude, I didn't reply, I picked my son up this morning and I didn't step in the house and I didn't look at her, it kills me seeing her, already she is texting but about my boy, which I reply too, she then calls me to ask If I have something of his but I can tell from her voice she is confused from the happy chatty guy last night to me ignoring her, it's going to be a long 2 weeks but it's got to be done now for my own self worth.
Hi Kevin, just told her and it went down like a lead balloon, just kept saying that I shouldn't have messed it up in the first place, how could I do what I did, she was happy with our family etc, just kept repeating what I did, I'm going to see the kids but try and somehow do it away from her, she was making me feel guilty about not seeing the kids, I'm under such a spell with get it kills me.
I hope this works
Hi Kevin, I will see the kids because I love them, it's day 1 of no contact, I was around the house last night and as I put the kids to bed she was ushering me out of the house with haste, as I leave a car turns up so I guess she is still seeing this guy, she texts me to apologise for ushering me out with haste and said she didn't want to come across as being rude, I didn't reply, I picked my son up this morning and I didn't step in the house and I didn't look at her, it kills me seeing her, already she is texting but about my boy, which I reply too, she then calls me to ask If I have something of his but I can tell from her voice she is confused from the happy chatty guy last night to me ignoring her, it's going to be a long 2 weeks but it's got to be done now for my own self worth.
Hi Kevin, just told her and it went down like a lead balloon, just kept saying that I shouldn't have messed it up in the first place, how could I do what I did, she was happy with our family etc, just kept repeating what I did, I'm going to see the kids but try and somehow do it away from her, she was making me feel guilty about not seeing the kids, I'm under such a spell with get it kills me.
I hope this works
Yes, I do think so. If it's possible, do it.
Yes, I do think so. If it's possible, do it.
Yes, I do think so. If it's possible, do it.
Thanks Kevin, I think it's the only way forward, what about the kids though? Do I organise set times to see them so I avoid her?
Cheers
If you can do that, it'll be great. If you have to see her, even then it's OK as long as you don't talk to her about anything personal.
If you can do that, it'll be great. If you have to see her, even then it's OK as long as you don't talk to her about anything personal.
If you can do that, it'll be great. If you have to see her, even then it's OK as long as you don't talk to her about anything personal.
If you can do that, it'll be great. If you have to see her, even then it's OK as long as you don't talk to her about anything personal.
Hi Kevin, I'm with my youngest this weekend and I'm going to tell her calmly on Sunday when I drop him off that I need space from her, I'm still confused as to what to do with the kids but my head is saying a 2 week no contact break is better than 2 weeks but with intermittent contact seeing me when I see the kids, do you think so?
Thanks Kevin, I think it's the only way forward, what about the kids though? Do I organise set times to see them so I avoid her?
Cheers
Hi Kevin, I'm with my youngest this weekend and I'm going to tell her calmly on Sunday when I drop him off that I need space from her, I'm still confused as to what to do with the kids but my head is saying a 2 week no contact break is better than 2 weeks but with intermittent contact seeing me when I see the kids, do you think so?
Thanks Kevin, I think it's the only way forward, what about the kids though? Do I organise set times to see them so I avoid her?
Cheers
Steffan,
You will have to apply no contact. Tell her you need some space and time and start no contact. At least for two weeks. Then get back in touch with her and slowly take things forward.
Ok so here's my situation.
I admit i'm a very jealous person. My ex and I fought alot, sometimes 4 times a week, but it because he couldn't stop doing the thing i don't like. Like taking pictures with his ex or even talking to her. I went to his prom day just for him and he didn't even sit with me one hour. At first i was sure that he loves me and really wants me. But then, he barely called me and he changed.. he always told me that he didn't like how we're fightening almost everyday. It's just that he couldn't stop the thing he's doing. We talked the day after the prom and he said that he wants to break up with me, i told him don't you love me? how do you want to leave then you promised you wouldn't. after a long talk he said that he wanted a break. i said okay and we didn't talk for a week now, i didn't call nor text him but, i talk with alot of people about it, matual friends. And they go talk to him about everything. i really love and want him back i'd do anything to spend my life with him. Help me?
Follow the advise in the article Diana.
Follow the advise in the article Diana.
My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago after 5 years of dating. I have trust issues and tend to blurt out ridiculous accusations when I am really angry. She didn't tell me herself because she was afraid of my reaction so she had a friend do it. Two days after she accidentally(her words) text messages me and by the end of the conversation of her apologizing. I tell her I have moved on,over it,passed it, and that she shouldn't dwell.Her next response is confusing or maybe I am over analyzing it, but she says "ok. Well bye then Ari"(Ari is a nickname she uses for me sometimes)..After I did not text back and we haven't spoken since.
Is there still a shot?
Yes there is. Follow the advise in the article.
Yes there is. Follow the advise in the article.
Kevin,
So my girlfriend decided to break it off about a month ago for a whole bunch of reasons. And recently I went to her parents and grandmothers house for advice. Mostly from her parents and her grandmother told her I visited her and that we talked. Understandable. So, I received a phone call from my ex saying you have to stop doing this to yourself. Im trying to be nice about it, but you coming to my family isn't going to help you. So basically I told her how I felt and the reasons why she won't take me back. She kept saying idk to everything I said, but you have to move on. Just move on. I asked her if there was any chance we could get back together in the future, she said i don't know what the future holds, but right now move on. I texted her a week after she completely ended it. Just told her i was thinking of her. She answered back all basic. She drunk texted me once and i answered all basic. So i started no contact a couple of days ago. Just want to know if you think she really has made her mind up? She seemed so mad and sure on the phone when we spoke. Need your help.
I think there is still hope and it's worth trying at least once.
I think there is still hope and it's worth trying at least once.
kevin my ex came done to visit me and said that he wanted to see how the weekend would go and possibly continue what we had in the past. he is wanting to get serious and move towards settling down (marriage). i was so excited to see him bc even though we have been friends i have always cared about him. he means so much to me. well i planned an amazzing time for us and thought everything was going well. we did get into small fights but they were over petty things like where to eat etc. while he was here i asked him so where is this going? i just wanted to know bc i felt like i deserved to know. we are spending time together and getting intimate so i had every right to know. he was never direct but he did ask me if i could see myself with him in the future and of course i said yes. we didnt really have a convo about it bc he wanted to just focus on the weekend and worry about the future later. well when he left i got angry and texted him saying how disapointed i was in him not telling me how he feels and i demanded an answer. he sent me an email talking about how much he adores me but then he gave a few reasons why he thinks we cant be together. he thinks i am not confident or direct, i pout and this is a sign of immaturity, i can be impulsive and need to work on being more intuitive etc. i was angry bc he knew how i was before he came done and i feel like a weekend was not enough for him to come these conclusions. first of all i am direct and i am confident...there are times where i may not be but this is normal for everyone. pouting is normal to me ..women do it. how could he sit there and say that i am immature? atleast i show my emotions. he is bad about being open but claims he is direct but if he was direct he would have said this to my face not in an email. he says he is mature and i am immature but mature ppl talk about things and if you want to be in a committed relationship you take the good and the bad of who you want to be with and compromise to make things work. he says he doesnt want to be in a relationship where he has to change anyone or himself. ppl change in relationships as time goes by so what he said makes no sense. anywyas i am upset bc i got so excited to see him and as soon as he left my world has been upside down. i loved this guy..i accepted all his flaws. i looked past them but he cannot accept me. i feel so used. i blew him up with texts and calls and he has ignored me for the past six days. i am on day three of no contact. i just dont understand why he would ignore me if what he emailed me was true that he does not want to be with me. all i wanted to do was have a discussion with him about what happened. i wanted to tell him how i am disappointed in myself and in him for not setting clear boundaries from the start. i feel so blind...i never knew he was upset with me while he was here. i was happy seeing him but inside he was resenting being with me. i really planned a greattrip for him...i went out of my way! it really hurts bc i gave up my time heart and body for him and he cant even pick up the phone to talk to me. i know he mentioned that he would like to talk once everything calms down ..but why wait? if he meant what he said in the email he should be confident in his decision and tell me. i am miserable and he is living his life well! in the email it seemed like he was so indesicive...one minute he says he doesn't see us together and in the end he says as of now he doesn't see us together. i never expected to be his gf in over a weekend i wanted to see if we were both still that interested in trying to make it work in the future. i am in school and so is he so there is no rush. but i know i want him and will do what i need to do to make it work. why cant he do that for me? did he play me and bring up the future thing as a way to get what he wanted when he was in town? i keep going back and forth replaying everything and it upsets me bc i thought he was a decent and honest guy who would be upfront with things. instead everything he pointed out about me is just a reflection about himself. its immature to ignore a person especially one you adore and know that she is hurt. ignoring is a sign of pouting and getting upset. it also shows the lack of confidence you have in addressing issues. if he wanted to get married there will be bigger issues than this ...so if he cant address this how could he address other issues? anyways i am hurt and need to know if there is any hope...i am going to do the no contact thing and work on myself even though it is hard..but will he ever call me? i feel like i ruined everything by being so emotional and showing him i am feeling...i wish i could redo everything! i showed him everything he hates about me. if i never get him back all id like is just a conversation with him. id feel so much better. i know i can move past this ...i just hope that bc he is ignoring me its bc he needs time to think not bc he was a douche bag that came down to use me. and i forgot to mention he thinks that i wont drop everything and ppl around me and depend on only us if we got serious...its like he is questioning my strength. i know it takes hard ass work to be in a serious relationship and when you are in love you will do what you need to do. i stay with my parents bc i can and i am in school but this is a choice i made. so that shouldnt determine my independence. i think he does not know me well enough to make his conclusions. or he propbaly does not like me the way i like him. i am so confused....please lend me your advice
I agree with you. It was immature of him to react the way he reacted. And from what I read, it seems you are the one who is more mature in the relationship. Regardless, there is nothing else you can do right now except follow no contact. So do that. Try to stop obsessing over him so much.
I agree with you. It was immature of him to react the way he reacted. And from what I read, it seems you are the one who is more mature in the relationship. Regardless, there is nothing else you can do right now except follow no contact. So do that. Try to stop obsessing over him so much.
Hi Kevin,
So here's my situation. My ex and I went out for a year and it was a great relationship, we both thought it was the best of all because it was different and slow paced.. but suddenly I graduated and left high school and things changed. I started to feel like I didn't want to be with her all the time like before and I ended up breaking up with her. I did it in person but for some reason I thought I made mistake. I had different priorities on my mind that weren't even important. I asked her if we could try again and we did but we broke up a second time because of the short communication. the last time we went out was when we weren't together and she cried to me a lot and asked why I didn't love her and I didn't know what to answer I was a bit confused.. so she thought we were completely done and she got with another person as to help her move on.. a rebound relationship. but before that happened after 1-2 months I realized that I did want to be with her because I thought long and hard about it and want her back but she's with the other guy.. she says she still loves me a lot but doesn't want to her hurt the other guy after all he's done and says she cant trust my love as she think its a passive feeling.. she told me to give her time and she told she doesn't want me to wait for her which obviously means she does and I said I would but I also begged a bit and told her I loved her and stuff like that but I just stopped.. she told me that later on we can try again but as for right now we cant.. so should I jut start the no contact rule and find myself being better and happier person without her?
Yes, you should start no contact. Her rebound relationship is probably going to end soon.
Ok. How long should I do no contact and what should I do after that?
One month and contact her using texts or the letter as mentioned in the article.
what if she's still in the relationship with the other guy?
Doesn't matter. You should still contact her.
Doesn't matter. You should still contact her.
Doesn't matter. You should still contact her.
Doesn't matter. You should still contact her.
Doesn't matter. You should still contact her.
Doesn't matter. You should still contact her.
what if she's still in the relationship with the other guy?
what if she's still in the relationship with the other guy?
what if she's still in the relationship with the other guy?
what if she's still in the relationship with the other guy?
One month and contact her using texts or the letter as mentioned in the article.
One month and contact her using texts or the letter as mentioned in the article.
One month and contact her using texts or the letter as mentioned in the article.
Ok. How long should I do no contact and what should I do after that?
Ok. How long should I do no contact and what should I do after that?
Yes, you should start no contact. Her rebound relationship is probably going to end soon.
My friend has a child with his ex-girlfriend. They see each other every day to take care of their child. He can’t have no contact with this ex because of their child. He wants to get her back but she is with a new guy. They have only been dating for a few weeks but she has told him that he didn’t treat her right and this guy is treating her right. I thought he should try and give her random flowers to show how much he loves her for being the mother of his child. I told him to possibly invite her out to dinner one night, just to hang out but to make the actual reservations. Show her that he has changed for the better. What do you think?
I don't think giving her flowers is going to help his case. If she has already broken up with him, she will think that he is doing all these things just to get her back. A better approach is to leave her alone for a while and then contact her using the methods in the article.
I don't think giving her flowers is going to help his case. If she has already broken up with him, she will think that he is doing all these things just to get her back. A better approach is to leave her alone for a while and then contact her using the methods in the article.
So my GF and I broke up after being together and living together for two yrs. it’s been since Feb 2nd when she moved out and she finally cut all ties with me on Feb 22nd she has blocked my # and I can only email or call her at work .....I have seen her and contacted her several times here and there and did exactly the opposite of the articles in some situations. But she still talked to me when she did and so forth.....I last stop going by and doing things for her and looking for her on March 21st. She has been seeing her X and I am guessing someone else not sure.....
I know the X for sure because she broke up with me telling me that she was still in love with him and so forth while we lived together....she said that she was just using me for two years to help her forget about him. That she was never in love with me and didn’t love me. I have had several situations within the two years that we would fight or argue about something and she would run back to see him while with me, that is the main reason we fought was because of this x that she has been with for 5yrs. and then hooked up with me for 2yrs after they broke up for only 1.5 months.....
I know that she didn’t give herself time, after the break up, but she fell in love with me she said (in previous conversations) and that I made her forget about him and so forth. I didn’t get how I did that then but now I can’t???????
well I have been without her and she has been with him (I think), which bothers me because at one point in our break up she left me for about a week and was with him and then she came back to me because she realized I was the better guy for her. I still don’t understand that when she now moved out and went to start seeing him again, she says he is not wanting her back because of what she has done to him with the back and forth and but obviously that is not the issue.......
also her daughter is in the middle of all this she is turning 9yrs old so she is seeing what is going on and it’s so unhealthy for her to confuse her.....it’s not the baby’s father BTW it’s just a BF that has wasted 5yrs of her life and never married her or anything.
I am missing the baby a lot as well I got close to her and living together for almost 2yrs it’s hard because i felt like a father....even though she knows the X since little but they never really saw each other that much as I did living together. My X is turning 28 this year and I am 41 so it’s a big age difference but I don’t get why she continues to feel love for the X and not with me.....I know I was a little hard on her and he seems to be easy going according to her, but it’s time to be a woman and grow up......obviously the X doesn’t care and is easy going and wanting more from her but what he gets..
mind you they have never lived together, I have taken a father role in every direction for two years with the baby and also being with her every day for two years does not compare with only seeing each other during weekends and after work or spend summer times together.......
I gave a lot in this relationship......I just don’t know how she is not seeing the bigger picture of all this......families are involved, friends are also........so we have shared a lot , also her own family told her I was the better person for her in the long run....I was willing to marry her after two yrs. ....but it has been a crazy two years because I let it happen her seeing him behind my back when we got mad and taking her back......while we lived together........
Please give advice to this crazy madness of my story.....thanks
Dark Knight
Hey,
I think your best bet is to leave her alone and let her realize it on her own what she is leaving behind. If you try to convince her, she is only going to put up her defenses. I know what happened sucks, but in my opinion, she never got the time to get over her ex. This craziness might just be the thing she needs to get over him for good. So give her this time and you keep your cool. Don't ask her to get back together. Let it be her idea. Get back in touch after a month and play it cool.
Hello,
I am keeping my cool and staying away.....but how can she get over him when she continues to see him and he allows it....????? I am reading books that are helping and blogs as well. I am trying to focus on just me, but it’s hard when you dedicated 2yrs of your everyday life and living with someone and there child and all the sudden they moved out because of insecurity and childish behavior and because they are running back to a past X........I just wish she would have grown up and realize a reality check of life. what I failed to mention to you is that she attended some seminar back on Feb. 21- 23 and that’s what made her realize a lot of things and cut me off was one of them.......it was supposed to help her find herself and be true to herself and that is when she told me that she is still in love with her X and was never over him.......and that she used me for two years to try to forget him, I don’t believe that because we did a lot together from traveling the world and also our families involved. I do appreciate the response you gave me thank you, I am just still feeling lost in all this because how can she just cut me off so sudden and go back to a past that never really made a move forward to make you completely his. After 5yrs, you would think to marry that person. Also the baby, what do I do, I miss her and want to see her but, it’s not my child nor his, so I guess I have to stay away until she decides what to do….right? The baby loved me so much……….
You mentioned get back in touch after a month do you mean with you, or with her???? I am little lost on that one.........
Hello Kevin,
you never really replyed to the above second part of the issue, what do you think about that? we still have not contacted each other and I have not looked for her.......the April 7th 8:47AM blog
Hey,
It seems I missed a couple of your questions there. OK, there is a chance that getting back in touch with her will make her realize that she doesn't love him anymore and that she deserves someone better than him. A lot of people get closure after getting back in touch with their exes and realizing that they don't have feelings for them anymore. This might be the case for her. However, there is also a slight chance that she might get into a relationship with him (as bad as it may be) and continue seeing him. There is of course, no guarantee what she will decide. Since you don't have any other option, you will have to take this risk. As for the kid, if you really want to keep in touch with her you can contact your ex and see if she agrees to arrange something. But it will just look like you are using her daughter to get her back.
Hey,
It seems I missed a couple of your questions there. OK, there is a chance that getting back in touch with her will make her realize that she doesn't love him anymore and that she deserves someone better than him. A lot of people get closure after getting back in touch with their exes and realizing that they don't have feelings for them anymore. This might be the case for her. However, there is also a slight chance that she might get into a relationship with him (as bad as it may be) and continue seeing him. There is of course, no guarantee what she will decide. Since you don't have any other option, you will have to take this risk. As for the kid, if you really want to keep in touch with her you can contact your ex and see if she agrees to arrange something. But it will just look like you are using her daughter to get her back.
Hey,
It seems I missed a couple of your questions there. OK, there is a chance that getting back in touch with her will make her realize that she doesn't love him anymore and that she deserves someone better than him. A lot of people get closure after getting back in touch with their exes and realizing that they don't have feelings for them anymore. This might be the case for her. However, there is also a slight chance that she might get into a relationship with him (as bad as it may be) and continue seeing him. There is of course, no guarantee what she will decide. Since you don't have any other option, you will have to take this risk. As for the kid, if you really want to keep in touch with her you can contact your ex and see if she agrees to arrange something. But it will just look like you are using her daughter to get her back.
Hey,
It seems I missed a couple of your questions there. OK, there is a chance that getting back in touch with her will make her realize that she doesn't love him anymore and that she deserves someone better than him. A lot of people get closure after getting back in touch with their exes and realizing that they don't have feelings for them anymore. This might be the case for her. However, there is also a slight chance that she might get into a relationship with him (as bad as it may be) and continue seeing him. There is of course, no guarantee what she will decide. Since you don't have any other option, you will have to take this risk. As for the kid, if you really want to keep in touch with her you can contact your ex and see if she agrees to arrange something. But it will just look like you are using her daughter to get her back.
Hey,
It seems I missed a couple of your questions there. OK, there is a chance that getting back in touch with her will make her realize that she doesn't love him anymore and that she deserves someone better than him. A lot of people get closure after getting back in touch with their exes and realizing that they don't have feelings for them anymore. This might be the case for her. However, there is also a slight chance that she might get into a relationship with him (as bad as it may be) and continue seeing him. There is of course, no guarantee what she will decide. Since you don't have any other option, you will have to take this risk. As for the kid, if you really want to keep in touch with her you can contact your ex and see if she agrees to arrange something. But it will just look like you are using her daughter to get her back.
I meant get back in touch with her. If you think she needs more time, make it two months. Good luck.
Hello Kevin,
you never really replyed to the above second part of the issue, what do you think about that? we still have not contacted each other and I have not looked for her.......the April 7th 8:47AM blog
I meant get back in touch with her. If you think she needs more time, make it two months. Good luck.
Hello Kevin,
you never really replyed to the above second part of the issue, what do you think about that? we still have not contacted each other and I have not looked for her.......the April 7th 8:47AM blog
I meant get back in touch with her. If you think she needs more time, make it two months. Good luck.
Hello Kevin,
you never really replyed to the above second part of the issue, what do you think about that? we still have not contacted each other and I have not looked for her.......the April 7th 8:47AM blog
I meant get back in touch with her. If you think she needs more time, make it two months. Good luck.
Hello,
I am keeping my cool and staying away.....but how can she get over him when she continues to see him and he allows it....????? I am reading books that are helping and blogs as well. I am trying to focus on just me, but it’s hard when you dedicated 2yrs of your everyday life and living with someone and there child and all the sudden they moved out because of insecurity and childish behavior and because they are running back to a past X........I just wish she would have grown up and realize a reality check of life. what I failed to mention to you is that she attended some seminar back on Feb. 21- 23 and that’s what made her realize a lot of things and cut me off was one of them.......it was supposed to help her find herself and be true to herself and that is when she told me that she is still in love with her X and was never over him.......and that she used me for two years to try to forget him, I don’t believe that because we did a lot together from traveling the world and also our families involved. I do appreciate the response you gave me thank you, I am just still feeling lost in all this because how can she just cut me off so sudden and go back to a past that never really made a move forward to make you completely his. After 5yrs, you would think to marry that person. Also the baby, what do I do, I miss her and want to see her but, it’s not my child nor his, so I guess I have to stay away until she decides what to do….right? The baby loved me so much……….
You mentioned get back in touch after a month do you mean with you, or with her???? I am little lost on that one.........
Hello,
I am keeping my cool and staying away.....but how can she get over him when she continues to see him and he allows it....????? I am reading books that are helping and blogs as well. I am trying to focus on just me, but it’s hard when you dedicated 2yrs of your everyday life and living with someone and there child and all the sudden they moved out because of insecurity and childish behavior and because they are running back to a past X........I just wish she would have grown up and realize a reality check of life. what I failed to mention to you is that she attended some seminar back on Feb. 21- 23 and that’s what made her realize a lot of things and cut me off was one of them.......it was supposed to help her find herself and be true to herself and that is when she told me that she is still in love with her X and was never over him.......and that she used me for two years to try to forget him, I don’t believe that because we did a lot together from traveling the world and also our families involved. I do appreciate the response you gave me thank you, I am just still feeling lost in all this because how can she just cut me off so sudden and go back to a past that never really made a move forward to make you completely his. After 5yrs, you would think to marry that person. Also the baby, what do I do, I miss her and want to see her but, it’s not my child nor his, so I guess I have to stay away until she decides what to do….right? The baby loved me so much……….
You mentioned get back in touch after a month do you mean with you, or with her???? I am little lost on that one.........
Hey,
I think your best bet is to leave her alone and let her realize it on her own what she is leaving behind. If you try to convince her, she is only going to put up her defenses. I know what happened sucks, but in my opinion, she never got the time to get over her ex. This craziness might just be the thing she needs to get over him for good. So give her this time and you keep your cool. Don't ask her to get back together. Let it be her idea. Get back in touch after a month and play it cool.
Kevin,
Yesterday was a year my ex walked out. She as far as I know had been dating a few different people.. Its been very very hard to deal with.. I have not had contact with her in several months. Then last night at 12:15am she txted me and said "1year and it still hurts " I'm not sure what this means.. Or how to respond. The answer is yes I would rejoice if she came back to me.. But I dont know what to say.. Please help..
Contact her after a week. Start building attraction with texts. Then ask her out. She misses you. It's a good time to contact her.
Contact her after a week. Start building attraction with texts. Then ask her out. She misses you. It's a good time to contact her.
We didn't have an easy relationship. It was long-distance, we couldn't see each other daily, we met twice or three times a month, and spent together a week every second or third month.I am 35, she is 20. The 15 years of difference was often a problem, she was freaked out often that I will be 65 when she will be just 50, and I often found her naivity and childish behaviour irritating. Thirdly her parents didn't like me. We were still together for 15 months. I usually don't date somebody much younger than me, but in her case there was something special. It was love at first sight, we had very many things in common, for the first 12 months everything was just perfect for both of us. We talked on the phone frequently, saw each other on webcam, and met as often as we could. I can honestly say I didn't have such a fullfilling relationship when I was dating my neighbour for 10 months previously. Then after a year, the problems started. She wanted us to move together, I wanted to wait a few more months, I felt that she mainly wants to move away from her parents, and I didn't want them to hate me for moving together with their daughter, as they already did not accept me. She is still at college, we wanted to marry after she graduates, she started insisting to get married overnight and move together, I wanted to wait another year. After this she became more distant. She started spending very much time with her friends, and there were entire days she didn't call me. Now I realize that then she made up her mind to break-up with me. Then I just got jelaous and over-controlling. I picked fights, just because I did not understand why did she became distant. Then one day she broke up with me in a text message, saying she already has a new love interest she has been dating behind my back, and she wants to be with that guy. I asked one more final date, kissed her good-bye, wished her all the best, and accepted the break-up. I did not call her once. After two weeks she came back to me crying and regretting, saying that she still loves me, that she shouldn't have broken up with me. We made up. But she was still very distant, she was still needing her space, and she was spending much time with the guy she used to date, saying they are just friends. Feeling ignored, and being jelaous, hurt, because she left me, angry because she was hanging out with that guy all the time, I cheated on her, then told her. She had once cheated on me, when we were together for just two months, previously, that time I forgave her, I never ever mentioned that again, but I used it up as an argument, saying that I had the right to cheat on her, because she left me and had cheated on me previously. She forgave me, and for a few weeks everyting was like in the old times. Then suddenly one night she said that she wants to break-up, she can't forgive me for cheating on her, and that she is already seeing someone else. This time it was a week of acid fighting on the phone, we called each other, and texted each other, and blamed each other and so on. Then we concluded that our relationship is not working, and we should remain friends. I asked her to not call me so frequently, she still called me every night, as she used to for the past 15 months. Keeping it short, she has really fallen for this new guy, and wants to friend-zone me. She keeps asking me for favors, yet she often tells me that our relationship is not working because of our age, the distance, and even our presonality. She got very jelous when I went on a date, yet she constantly brags how great the new guy is, and asks advices from me. Well, I repeatedly asked her to give me time and space, to get over the break-up, she ignored it, and called me frequently, untill I decided to not speak to her any more. We haven't spoken for four days, that was yesterday, untill she insisted so much on the phone, that I had to pick up. I have to return her laptop, but I can't go to her city only next week, I have told her that I will leave the laptop at a mutual friend's place. Well, she wanted to meet me, but on a day she chooses, because on the other days she has already things planned with her boyfriend. Well, we had the ugliest fight on the phone yet, I called her names, and so on, mostly to make her understand that I want to be left alone for awhile. I am very determined now to keep the no contact-rule for at least 40 days, I am a mess, and the guy she is dating really seems to be a younger and more perfect version of me, I know him. I am comfortable with the ideea that our story is over, I can control myself to not call her (although I want to), but I can't control myself if she calls. She will not call for a while, maybe never, after the things I said last night. I need time to rebuild myself, to get over this, I haven't decided yet if I want her back or not, I need and want this 30-40 days no contact time, my question is--- is there a chance that we will get back together at the end of the summer? This guy she likes doesn't sound to be a rebound, she is really in love with him, and she mostly calls me to keep me in her life, besides being her lover, I have been a big brother and her best friend as well. I can tell for sure she still loves and cares for me, needs the emotional support I have been, but isn't in love with me. For now I want to forget her for a while, but is the possibility open that she will fall in love with me again?
Yes, there is definitely a possibility. Although, like you said, you should wait 40 days and determine if you want her back again.
Update: I have been in no contact for ten days (gosh, it feels many more, in a good way, because after two days of useless vegetating on the couch I decided to fill every minute of my time with something.) After the third day my ex started calling, and texting, not very frequently, once or twice a day, I ignored that, hardly, but I did. I just gave my phone and my laptop to the neighbour. On the fourth day, I went to her town to give her laptop and things back to her best friend, as this was the last thing that had to be done and specifically asked her friend to not tell her about me coming there, the girl thought that she will help us out, she thought we will talk things out and set up a blind date, my ex came thinking that she will meet her, well, at first we both thought that the other set up things like this, we had a fight, then we agreed to drink a polite coffee, of course another huge fight with yelling and arguing came out of it, we both accused the other of being cold and distant, and everything that bothered us in the relationship, the waiters must have had the time of their life watching us behave childishly irrational.The meeting was short, not even ten minutes, I was angry for about two hours afterwards, texted her tons of things, she didn't answer, then tried my best to move on to the things I planned for that day, to not lose the previous four days of peace of mind, and felt somewhat free, now that I had no more obligations towards her. Six more days of absolute no contact, I didn't call, she didn't call and I gradually felt better every day. I took charge of the team at work, and felt good about being a leader, I visited my friends and relatives, I started dating a woman, an acquintance I asked out, who wants to take things slowly, she is after a break-up as well, on the first date we had a long walk and a heart-to-heart, and both said the same thing at the same time: "I don't want a relationship right now, just a nice person to have a long walk in the evenings, to have someone who's nice to me, and to be nice to." Anyway, today my ex showed up at my place, unexpectedly, while my date was there, with the key she had. Luckily my date reacted very well, she kissed me on the lips for the first time (I must admit, I liked that in a childishly revenge-ish way, to have somebody kiss me in front of my ex), then she left. I managed to remain calm, and had a heart-to-heart with my ex, although I was angry she just barges in, without calling, she begged me to listen to her, and be supportive. She came to make many confessions, some of them entirely surprising. Turns out she realised she is a lesbian, or at least she fell in love with an other woman, her best friend, with whom she had been spending so much time, for quite some time now, ever since the problems in our relationship started, ever since I refused to move in together with her. The guy he is dating, is just a cover, actually the guy is gay, and his official girlfriend is actually my ex's girlfriend, while that girl's boyfriend is actually the guy's boyfriend. Well, I have to admit I had to drink a glass of vodka hearing the news, but I took it pretty well. Everything was weird, but suddenly all made sense. I am not the kind of people to judge gays. Love is love. I felt somewhat betrayed, though, betrayed in trust. I told her that what hurts is that she couldn't tell me the truth from the start, and she apologised. I could have understood all that. She says I would have judged and blamed her, and she couldn't tell me. May be so, I don't even know any more. It is possible. She came in fact to tell me the truth and apologize for many things, to assure me that she indeed had loved me, and to thank me for everything. We agreed to remain friends who don't talk frequently, but help each other in need. She wished me good luck with my date, she admitted that it hurt her to see me with someone else in my apartment, and kissing, she expected me to be half-drunk, playing videogames, but she is glad to see that I managed to move on. She left, then I walked on the streets for a few hours, then I called my date, and had dinner at a restaurant, I told her almost everything without the gay part, because it sounds just too far-fetched. I feel good, very good about everything, and I don't really understand why. I just can't judge my ex. Nor can I be angry any more. My ex and I had decided to meet again in July, as friends, to do a trip we had planned since Christmas, just the two of us, and I want that, but all I can really think about is actually tomorrow night, when I will see my date again. I would like an honest opinion about things I should keep in my mind, before making a mistake I don't realize is one. The waters seem calm now, but are they?
Hey Joe,
That is an incredible story. Well, as far fetched as it may seem, it's probably true. I hope you have come to terms with the facts you've learned. Hopefully, things will remain calm in the future as well. I guess you should take things slow with the other girl and continue doing what you've been doing.
Update: So, everything was great. We started planning the wedding, (due next summer), we met a lot, we even lived together, well she stayed over for weeks at my place, and I stayed over at her place for weeks, we went on many trips, she even got sick, and I was with her at the hospital, and so on... Everything was great. God knows how much I love her, and she showed me a lot of love and appreciation. From May to the end of August, everything was pink, doves, little hearts in the air, and full of love. Plans for the wedding, plans for many things, and so on. Come September everything goes haywire again. Overnight I don't recognize her again. Caught her flirting and kissing with my own ex. That made me throw up. Her argument is that it was a revenge game and she did nothing wrong, and was offended by my reaction. She made up arguments that sound logical, and explain her behaviour, but refuses to admit the creepiness of the situation, or to see why I am offended. To the point to which she says that a kiss isn't even cheating. I am the un-understanding jerk. As if this wasn't enough, caught her lying many times about her ex, whom she is still seeing. She says they are only friends, and she is using his affection towards her to make him do errands for her. He even called me to assure me that they are just friends, because I overreacted with jealousy. My problem with that is that she is lying. He even called when we were in bed, and when I asked her who was on the phone, she said her mother, when I took her phone, and caught her with another lie, she broke up with me, went to the bus-station., waited there for a few hours, as I did not go after her, she came back, and apologized, and explained things. I told her to never-ever lie to me again. We had an amazing week-end, than came this week. Almost total ignorance from her part, apart a few text messages, and a few "I love you's" . She is not home, she stayed over at her girlfriend's where she is at the moment as well, and she wouldn't talk much, arguing that she can't as she is a guest over there. She starts huge fights if I don't like her behaviour, saying that we planned the wedding, and even accuses me of having somebody. I have had enough. The problem is that her father became my best friend, and he likes me a lot, and I suspect that she wants me to be the one who breaks up with her, to save her face. I don't even recognize her now. We are together for 2 years now, and normally she is the sweetest, most caring angel, but she has these periods when she totally drives me nuts. My plan is to go dark for several weeks, start no contact again. I don't want a break-up yet, but I plan to be as distant as I can. Wouldn't it be for the wedding arrangements, I would break-up with her for good. As it is now, I will be "busy" for a whole month. She must come to her senses. What do you say?
Hey Joe,
Don't just disappear from her life if you have not broken up with her. Let her know that you need some time and space before starting no contact. If you want to make it work, suggest her to go for couples counseling and tell her that you are ready to postpone the marriage if she is not sure. I hope things work out for you. But even if they don't I know you are going to do great in your life. All the best Joe.
Hey Joe,
Don't just disappear from her life if you have not broken up with her. Let her know that you need some time and space before starting no contact. If you want to make it work, suggest her to go for couples counseling and tell her that you are ready to postpone the marriage if she is not sure. I hope things work out for you. But even if they don't I know you are going to do great in your life. All the best Joe.
Hey Joe,
Don't just disappear from her life if you have not broken up with her. Let her know that you need some time and space before starting no contact. If you want to make it work, suggest her to go for couples counseling and tell her that you are ready to postpone the marriage if she is not sure. I hope things work out for you. But even if they don't I know you are going to do great in your life. All the best Joe.
Hey Joe,
Don't just disappear from her life if you have not broken up with her. Let her know that you need some time and space before starting no contact. If you want to make it work, suggest her to go for couples counseling and tell her that you are ready to postpone the marriage if she is not sure. I hope things work out for you. But even if they don't I know you are going to do great in your life. All the best Joe.
Hey Joe,
Don't just disappear from her life if you have not broken up with her. Let her know that you need some time and space before starting no contact. If you want to make it work, suggest her to go for couples counseling and tell her that you are ready to postpone the marriage if she is not sure. I hope things work out for you. But even if they don't I know you are going to do great in your life. All the best Joe.
Hey Joe,
Don't just disappear from her life if you have not broken up with her. Let her know that you need some time and space before starting no contact. If you want to make it work, suggest her to go for couples counseling and tell her that you are ready to postpone the marriage if she is not sure. I hope things work out for you. But even if they don't I know you are going to do great in your life. All the best Joe.
Kevin, you are the best!!! I owe you a beer, man!!! I owe you a whole beer factory, even :) Keeping long story short, I followed the 5 step plan more-or less accurately, and it works, it has been 2 weeks since me and my ex are together again, and everything is even better than before.
That's awesome Joe. I'll travel around the world someday and collect all the beers people promised me on the internet. :P
That's awesome Joe. I'll travel around the world someday and collect all the beers people promised me on the internet. :P
That's awesome Joe. I'll travel around the world someday and collect all the beers people promised me on the internet. :P
That's awesome Joe. I'll travel around the world someday and collect all the beers people promised me on the internet. :P
That's awesome Joe. I'll travel around the world someday and collect all the beers people promised me on the internet. :P
That's awesome Joe. I'll travel around the world someday and collect all the beers people promised me on the internet. :P
Update: So, everything was great. We started planning the wedding, (due next summer), we met a lot, we even lived together, well she stayed over for weeks at my place, and I stayed over at her place for weeks, we went on many trips, she even got sick, and I was with her at the hospital, and so on... Everything was great. God knows how much I love her, and she showed me a lot of love and appreciation. From May to the end of August, everything was pink, doves, little hearts in the air, and full of love. Plans for the wedding, plans for many things, and so on. Come September everything goes haywire again. Overnight I don't recognize her again. Caught her flirting and kissing with my own ex. That made me throw up. Her argument is that it was a revenge game and she did nothing wrong, and was offended by my reaction. She made up arguments that sound logical, and explain her behaviour, but refuses to admit the creepiness of the situation, or to see why I am offended. To the point to which she says that a kiss isn't even cheating. I am the un-understanding jerk. As if this wasn't enough, caught her lying many times about her ex, whom she is still seeing. She says they are only friends, and she is using his affection towards her to make him do errands for her. He even called me to assure me that they are just friends, because I overreacted with jealousy. My problem with that is that she is lying. He even called when we were in bed, and when I asked her who was on the phone, she said her mother, when I took her phone, and caught her with another lie, she broke up with me, went to the bus-station., waited there for a few hours, as I did not go after her, she came back, and apologized, and explained things. I told her to never-ever lie to me again. We had an amazing week-end, than came this week. Almost total ignorance from her part, apart a few text messages, and a few "I love you's" . She is not home, she stayed over at her girlfriend's where she is at the moment as well, and she wouldn't talk much, arguing that she can't as she is a guest over there. She starts huge fights if I don't like her behaviour, saying that we planned the wedding, and even accuses me of having somebody. I have had enough. The problem is that her father became my best friend, and he likes me a lot, and I suspect that she wants me to be the one who breaks up with her, to save her face. I don't even recognize her now. We are together for 2 years now, and normally she is the sweetest, most caring angel, but she has these periods when she totally drives me nuts. My plan is to go dark for several weeks, start no contact again. I don't want a break-up yet, but I plan to be as distant as I can. Wouldn't it be for the wedding arrangements, I would break-up with her for good. As it is now, I will be "busy" for a whole month. She must come to her senses. What do you say?
Kevin, you are the best!!! I owe you a beer, man!!! I owe you a whole beer factory, even :) Keeping long story short, I followed the 5 step plan more-or less accurately, and it works, it has been 2 weeks since me and my ex are together again, and everything is even better than before.
Update: So, everything was great. We started planning the wedding, (due next summer), we met a lot, we even lived together, well she stayed over for weeks at my place, and I stayed over at her place for weeks, we went on many trips, she even got sick, and I was with her at the hospital, and so on... Everything was great. God knows how much I love her, and she showed me a lot of love and appreciation. From May to the end of August, everything was pink, doves, little hearts in the air, and full of love. Plans for the wedding, plans for many things, and so on. Come September everything goes haywire again. Overnight I don't recognize her again. Caught her flirting and kissing with my own ex. That made me throw up. Her argument is that it was a revenge game and she did nothing wrong, and was offended by my reaction. She made up arguments that sound logical, and explain her behaviour, but refuses to admit the creepiness of the situation, or to see why I am offended. To the point to which she says that a kiss isn't even cheating. I am the un-understanding jerk. As if this wasn't enough, caught her lying many times about her ex, whom she is still seeing. She says they are only friends, and she is using his affection towards her to make him do errands for her. He even called me to assure me that they are just friends, because I overreacted with jealousy. My problem with that is that she is lying. He even called when we were in bed, and when I asked her who was on the phone, she said her mother, when I took her phone, and caught her with another lie, she broke up with me, went to the bus-station., waited there for a few hours, as I did not go after her, she came back, and apologized, and explained things. I told her to never-ever lie to me again. We had an amazing week-end, than came this week. Almost total ignorance from her part, apart a few text messages, and a few "I love you's" . She is not home, she stayed over at her girlfriend's where she is at the moment as well, and she wouldn't talk much, arguing that she can't as she is a guest over there. She starts huge fights if I don't like her behaviour, saying that we planned the wedding, and even accuses me of having somebody. I have had enough. The problem is that her father became my best friend, and he likes me a lot, and I suspect that she wants me to be the one who breaks up with her, to save her face. I don't even recognize her now. We are together for 2 years now, and normally she is the sweetest, most caring angel, but she has these periods when she totally drives me nuts. My plan is to go dark for several weeks, start no contact again. I don't want a break-up yet, but I plan to be as distant as I can. Wouldn't it be for the wedding arrangements, I would break-up with her for good. As it is now, I will be "busy" for a whole month. She must come to her senses. What do you say?
Kevin, you are the best!!! I owe you a beer, man!!! I owe you a whole beer factory, even :) Keeping long story short, I followed the 5 step plan more-or less accurately, and it works, it has been 2 weeks since me and my ex are together again, and everything is even better than before.
Update: So, everything was great. We started planning the wedding, (due next summer), we met a lot, we even lived together, well she stayed over for weeks at my place, and I stayed over at her place for weeks, we went on many trips, she even got sick, and I was with her at the hospital, and so on... Everything was great. God knows how much I love her, and she showed me a lot of love and appreciation. From May to the end of August, everything was pink, doves, little hearts in the air, and full of love. Plans for the wedding, plans for many things, and so on. Come September everything goes haywire again. Overnight I don't recognize her again. Caught her flirting and kissing with my own ex. That made me throw up. Her argument is that it was a revenge game and she did nothing wrong, and was offended by my reaction. She made up arguments that sound logical, and explain her behaviour, but refuses to admit the creepiness of the situation, or to see why I am offended. To the point to which she says that a kiss isn't even cheating. I am the un-understanding jerk. As if this wasn't enough, caught her lying many times about her ex, whom she is still seeing. She says they are only friends, and she is using his affection towards her to make him do errands for her. He even called me to assure me that they are just friends, because I overreacted with jealousy. My problem with that is that she is lying. He even called when we were in bed, and when I asked her who was on the phone, she said her mother, when I took her phone, and caught her with another lie, she broke up with me, went to the bus-station., waited there for a few hours, as I did not go after her, she came back, and apologized, and explained things. I told her to never-ever lie to me again. We had an amazing week-end, than came this week. Almost total ignorance from her part, apart a few text messages, and a few "I love you's" . She is not home, she stayed over at her girlfriend's where she is at the moment as well, and she wouldn't talk much, arguing that she can't as she is a guest over there. She starts huge fights if I don't like her behaviour, saying that we planned the wedding, and even accuses me of having somebody. I have had enough. The problem is that her father became my best friend, and he likes me a lot, and I suspect that she wants me to be the one who breaks up with her, to save her face. I don't even recognize her now. We are together for 2 years now, and normally she is the sweetest, most caring angel, but she has these periods when she totally drives me nuts. My plan is to go dark for several weeks, start no contact again. I don't want a break-up yet, but I plan to be as distant as I can. Wouldn't it be for the wedding arrangements, I would break-up with her for good. As it is now, I will be "busy" for a whole month. She must come to her senses. What do you say?
Kevin, you are the best!!! I owe you a beer, man!!! I owe you a whole beer factory, even :) Keeping long story short, I followed the 5 step plan more-or less accurately, and it works, it has been 2 weeks since me and my ex are together again, and everything is even better than before.
Update: So, everything was great. We started planning the wedding, (due next summer), we met a lot, we even lived together, well she stayed over for weeks at my place, and I stayed over at her place for weeks, we went on many trips, she even got sick, and I was with her at the hospital, and so on... Everything was great. God knows how much I love her, and she showed me a lot of love and appreciation. From May to the end of August, everything was pink, doves, little hearts in the air, and full of love. Plans for the wedding, plans for many things, and so on. Come September everything goes haywire again. Overnight I don't recognize her again. Caught her flirting and kissing with my own ex. That made me throw up. Her argument is that it was a revenge game and she did nothing wrong, and was offended by my reaction. She made up arguments that sound logical, and explain her behaviour, but refuses to admit the creepiness of the situation, or to see why I am offended. To the point to which she says that a kiss isn't even cheating. I am the un-understanding jerk. As if this wasn't enough, caught her lying many times about her ex, whom she is still seeing. She says they are only friends, and she is using his affection towards her to make him do errands for her. He even called me to assure me that they are just friends, because I overreacted with jealousy. My problem with that is that she is lying. He even called when we were in bed, and when I asked her who was on the phone, she said her mother, when I took her phone, and caught her with another lie, she broke up with me, went to the bus-station., waited there for a few hours, as I did not go after her, she came back, and apologized, and explained things. I told her to never-ever lie to me again. We had an amazing week-end, than came this week. Almost total ignorance from her part, apart a few text messages, and a few "I love you's" . She is not home, she stayed over at her girlfriend's where she is at the moment as well, and she wouldn't talk much, arguing that she can't as she is a guest over there. She starts huge fights if I don't like her behaviour, saying that we planned the wedding, and even accuses me of having somebody. I have had enough. The problem is that her father became my best friend, and he likes me a lot, and I suspect that she wants me to be the one who breaks up with her, to save her face. I don't even recognize her now. We are together for 2 years now, and normally she is the sweetest, most caring angel, but she has these periods when she totally drives me nuts. My plan is to go dark for several weeks, start no contact again. I don't want a break-up yet, but I plan to be as distant as I can. Wouldn't it be for the wedding arrangements, I would break-up with her for good. As it is now, I will be "busy" for a whole month. She must come to her senses. What do you say?
Kevin, you are the best!!! I owe you a beer, man!!! I owe you a whole beer factory, even :) Keeping long story short, I followed the 5 step plan more-or less accurately, and it works, it has been 2 weeks since me and my ex are together again, and everything is even better than before.
Hey Joe,
That is an incredible story. Well, as far fetched as it may seem, it's probably true. I hope you have come to terms with the facts you've learned. Hopefully, things will remain calm in the future as well. I guess you should take things slow with the other girl and continue doing what you've been doing.
Hey Joe,
That is an incredible story. Well, as far fetched as it may seem, it's probably true. I hope you have come to terms with the facts you've learned. Hopefully, things will remain calm in the future as well. I guess you should take things slow with the other girl and continue doing what you've been doing.
Hey Joe,
That is an incredible story. Well, as far fetched as it may seem, it's probably true. I hope you have come to terms with the facts you've learned. Hopefully, things will remain calm in the future as well. I guess you should take things slow with the other girl and continue doing what you've been doing.
Update: I have been in no contact for ten days (gosh, it feels many more, in a good way, because after two days of useless vegetating on the couch I decided to fill every minute of my time with something.) After the third day my ex started calling, and texting, not very frequently, once or twice a day, I ignored that, hardly, but I did. I just gave my phone and my laptop to the neighbour. On the fourth day, I went to her town to give her laptop and things back to her best friend, as this was the last thing that had to be done and specifically asked her friend to not tell her about me coming there, the girl thought that she will help us out, she thought we will talk things out and set up a blind date, my ex came thinking that she will meet her, well, at first we both thought that the other set up things like this, we had a fight, then we agreed to drink a polite coffee, of course another huge fight with yelling and arguing came out of it, we both accused the other of being cold and distant, and everything that bothered us in the relationship, the waiters must have had the time of their life watching us behave childishly irrational.The meeting was short, not even ten minutes, I was angry for about two hours afterwards, texted her tons of things, she didn't answer, then tried my best to move on to the things I planned for that day, to not lose the previous four days of peace of mind, and felt somewhat free, now that I had no more obligations towards her. Six more days of absolute no contact, I didn't call, she didn't call and I gradually felt better every day. I took charge of the team at work, and felt good about being a leader, I visited my friends and relatives, I started dating a woman, an acquintance I asked out, who wants to take things slowly, she is after a break-up as well, on the first date we had a long walk and a heart-to-heart, and both said the same thing at the same time: "I don't want a relationship right now, just a nice person to have a long walk in the evenings, to have someone who's nice to me, and to be nice to." Anyway, today my ex showed up at my place, unexpectedly, while my date was there, with the key she had. Luckily my date reacted very well, she kissed me on the lips for the first time (I must admit, I liked that in a childishly revenge-ish way, to have somebody kiss me in front of my ex), then she left. I managed to remain calm, and had a heart-to-heart with my ex, although I was angry she just barges in, without calling, she begged me to listen to her, and be supportive. She came to make many confessions, some of them entirely surprising. Turns out she realised she is a lesbian, or at least she fell in love with an other woman, her best friend, with whom she had been spending so much time, for quite some time now, ever since the problems in our relationship started, ever since I refused to move in together with her. The guy he is dating, is just a cover, actually the guy is gay, and his official girlfriend is actually my ex's girlfriend, while that girl's boyfriend is actually the guy's boyfriend. Well, I have to admit I had to drink a glass of vodka hearing the news, but I took it pretty well. Everything was weird, but suddenly all made sense. I am not the kind of people to judge gays. Love is love. I felt somewhat betrayed, though, betrayed in trust. I told her that what hurts is that she couldn't tell me the truth from the start, and she apologised. I could have understood all that. She says I would have judged and blamed her, and she couldn't tell me. May be so, I don't even know any more. It is possible. She came in fact to tell me the truth and apologize for many things, to assure me that she indeed had loved me, and to thank me for everything. We agreed to remain friends who don't talk frequently, but help each other in need. She wished me good luck with my date, she admitted that it hurt her to see me with someone else in my apartment, and kissing, she expected me to be half-drunk, playing videogames, but she is glad to see that I managed to move on. She left, then I walked on the streets for a few hours, then I called my date, and had dinner at a restaurant, I told her almost everything without the gay part, because it sounds just too far-fetched. I feel good, very good about everything, and I don't really understand why. I just can't judge my ex. Nor can I be angry any more. My ex and I had decided to meet again in July, as friends, to do a trip we had planned since Christmas, just the two of us, and I want that, but all I can really think about is actually tomorrow night, when I will see my date again. I would like an honest opinion about things I should keep in my mind, before making a mistake I don't realize is one. The waters seem calm now, but are they?
Update: I have been in no contact for ten days (gosh, it feels many more, in a good way, because after two days of useless vegetating on the couch I decided to fill every minute of my time with something.) After the third day my ex started calling, and texting, not very frequently, once or twice a day, I ignored that, hardly, but I did. I just gave my phone and my laptop to the neighbour. On the fourth day, I went to her town to give her laptop and things back to her best friend, as this was the last thing that had to be done and specifically asked her friend to not tell her about me coming there, the girl thought that she will help us out, she thought we will talk things out and set up a blind date, my ex came thinking that she will meet her, well, at first we both thought that the other set up things like this, we had a fight, then we agreed to drink a polite coffee, of course another huge fight with yelling and arguing came out of it, we both accused the other of being cold and distant, and everything that bothered us in the relationship, the waiters must have had the time of their life watching us behave childishly irrational.The meeting was short, not even ten minutes, I was angry for about two hours afterwards, texted her tons of things, she didn't answer, then tried my best to move on to the things I planned for that day, to not lose the previous four days of peace of mind, and felt somewhat free, now that I had no more obligations towards her. Six more days of absolute no contact, I didn't call, she didn't call and I gradually felt better every day. I took charge of the team at work, and felt good about being a leader, I visited my friends and relatives, I started dating a woman, an acquintance I asked out, who wants to take things slowly, she is after a break-up as well, on the first date we had a long walk and a heart-to-heart, and both said the same thing at the same time: "I don't want a relationship right now, just a nice person to have a long walk in the evenings, to have someone who's nice to me, and to be nice to." Anyway, today my ex showed up at my place, unexpectedly, while my date was there, with the key she had. Luckily my date reacted very well, she kissed me on the lips for the first time (I must admit, I liked that in a childishly revenge-ish way, to have somebody kiss me in front of my ex), then she left. I managed to remain calm, and had a heart-to-heart with my ex, although I was angry she just barges in, without calling, she begged me to listen to her, and be supportive. She came to make many confessions, some of them entirely surprising. Turns out she realised she is a lesbian, or at least she fell in love with an other woman, her best friend, with whom she had been spending so much time, for quite some time now, ever since the problems in our relationship started, ever since I refused to move in together with her. The guy he is dating, is just a cover, actually the guy is gay, and his official girlfriend is actually my ex's girlfriend, while that girl's boyfriend is actually the guy's boyfriend. Well, I have to admit I had to drink a glass of vodka hearing the news, but I took it pretty well. Everything was weird, but suddenly all made sense. I am not the kind of people to judge gays. Love is love. I felt somewhat betrayed, though, betrayed in trust. I told her that what hurts is that she couldn't tell me the truth from the start, and she apologised. I could have understood all that. She says I would have judged and blamed her, and she couldn't tell me. May be so, I don't even know any more. It is possible. She came in fact to tell me the truth and apologize for many things, to assure me that she indeed had loved me, and to thank me for everything. We agreed to remain friends who don't talk frequently, but help each other in need. She wished me good luck with my date, she admitted that it hurt her to see me with someone else in my apartment, and kissing, she expected me to be half-drunk, playing videogames, but she is glad to see that I managed to move on. She left, then I walked on the streets for a few hours, then I called my date, and had dinner at a restaurant, I told her almost everything without the gay part, because it sounds just too far-fetched. I feel good, very good about everything, and I don't really understand why. I just can't judge my ex. Nor can I be angry any more. My ex and I had decided to meet again in July, as friends, to do a trip we had planned since Christmas, just the two of us, and I want that, but all I can really think about is actually tomorrow night, when I will see my date again. I would like an honest opinion about things I should keep in my mind, before making a mistake I don't realize is one. The waters seem calm now, but are they?
Yes, there is definitely a possibility. Although, like you said, you should wait 40 days and determine if you want her back again.
Hey I really need advice. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We tired being friends and sometimes I can tell he is feeling me and other times seems like he wants nothing to deal with me. One time that we hung put with friends he kissed me. The break up with my fault I Saddly turned into a crazy gf with jealousy over everything. Is there anything I can do to still get him back because right now it seems like he will never get back with me he says he doesn't regret leaving and that he doesn't love me.
Yes, follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, follow the 5 step plan.
Hey, me and my ex had been together for a year on nd off,we live together and he broke up w. Me and we still live together.. would this plan still work?
Yes, it probably would.
Yes, it probably would.
So my boyfriend left me, in a relatively harsh way. But I wasn't acting myself (picking fights etc) but we moved in with each other quickly and the pressure and stress from financial strain was enough to make both of us go crazy. He took control of all financial stuff and one day it just got too much and he got up and left when I was working and then called to say he was gone. It absolutely broke me.
2 days later we met up, before I saw him I was a mess, a horrible mess. Then I saw him and I was instantly smiling we spent the whole two hours laughing and joking and making personal jokes as well! Unbelievably ability to make me happy at my lowest and I could see he was happy too.
Then since then, we've been texting almost all the time, and our texts resembles the ones where we were only just friends before casually seeing each other and then obviously officially dating. We talk about our days and make jokes and talk about random things just to keep texting each other, also making personal jokes all the time. We're also going to gym together in a few days (that's something we did together) I love him, and I obviously want him back. But we're texting like we're best friends and it soothes the pain. I'm thinking he'll fall in love with my bubbly self again, if I keep texting that way. (I wasn't bubbly in the last month of dating, incredibly stressed and negative). Do I keep going? It makes me okay with the break up, and makes me feel there's still something there '. Is there a chance?
You have two options,
a) Continue with the texting and meeting him and then eventually ask him to get back together.
b) Tell him you need space and time, apply no contact for a while, then get back in touch.
I'll recommend option b. But it's your choice.
You have two options,
a) Continue with the texting and meeting him and then eventually ask him to get back together.
b) Tell him you need space and time, apply no contact for a while, then get back in touch.
I'll recommend option b. But it's your choice.
my ex and I have been together for more than 2 years and 10 months. we're both 17 and juniors in high school. so basically on Tuesday, he broke up with me stating he had lost feelings. I told him to stay for a little longer because feelings can come back over time. he ended the relationship, then and there, he also told me I was beautiful and that I deserved somebody better, and we weren't meant to be, and that there was a chance we would probably be together senior year. so Wednesday, I walked up to him during school and asked what he wanted, he told me he didn't know. so I asked if he wanted time and space, he said "yeah, I guess." we haven't spoke since. so my questions are, can time and space make him realize he misses me and get his feelings to come back? and do I have a chance to get him back after he lost feelings for me?
Yes, it can make him miss you. You do have a chance. Follow the advice in the article.
Yes, it can make him miss you. You do have a chance. Follow the advice in the article.
Hi Kevin,
I randomly came across your site it's brill although I am finding it difficult. I was in a shirt term long distance relationship last year that was ended by my ex boyfriend a week or two after my birthday . Reason I was given was that he wants to focus on his education and wanted to be on a two year break. Obv I did everything that I shouldn't have done (beg cry etc...) . Then randomly I became so insecure because he got so distant and I stalked Facebook found a pick of him and another girl together. Questioned him he explained she was just a mate I took his word for it. Same night on questioning him about this pic he said he wanted to break up and not be on a break because it's for the "best". I just agreed for him. My insecurities got worse and insane I was constantly watching his Facebook and msgs. He would reply to my msgs but avoid phone convo and this made things in my mind worse. Randomly one night he was a bit rude and I had a good nag and a moan as he was being very rude and calling me weak etc and threatened to block me on whatapp and delete my number. I did moan at him and was so crazy that I called 20 times or so when he was ill and it got on his nerves . Then two days later stalking Facebook saw another pic of him and this girl in matching colour clothes on the girls profile and everyone is commenting saying aww we are happy for u. My ex didn't think I would find out . I begged him to tell me the truth and he told me he slept with her and now then two are not on talking terms as he wants to focus on his work ( rebound relationship) he started being normal with me again and I was stupidly happy thinking he's not with her anymore and to save the relationship I decided I will ignore what he did but it was two hard because I had constant digs and then I would say sorry and beg. It's been on and off since December I have tried but each time I make a effort I either get a rude response, get ignored , I beg it makes no difference. I asked him about this girl in his life he's told me that they both still tlk but he dnt see a future with her but he does with me but he cannot guarantee. I've tried my utmost with him but my insecurities , desperation and moaning has got worse and last week I said something for his benefit and he took me so wrong that he ended up being so nasty. Again I said sorry and Tried to save the relationship or what's left. He's blocked me off Facebook he told me himself and refuses to add me back on because he thinks I'm insecure and it will cause problems. Very recently he removed his time stamp off what app so I can't see his last seen time. I've lost all self respect and I know how needy I look and the more I contact the more ruder or blunter her gets and it's a vicious cycle . I thought of no contact because I really love him and want him back because we were very happy . Everyone around me (family) hates him and wants me to move on but it'd too hard fior me I haven't tried hard enough but I would like to help myself. But by giving it a try. He still has over a year left of studies I want to be the girl he fell in love with not this desperate person . Please help ? ;(
Follow no contact and learn to be happy without him. Don't contact him unless you realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy.
Follow no contact and learn to be happy without him. Don't contact him unless you realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy.
Hey,
So I dated a girl who was super crazy (cheating pathological liar, manipulative etc etc) and I started talking to one of her younger sisters and we really hit things off. We went out, have slept at my apartment and had great times together. She has told me she feels more comfortable with me than anyone else she had ever been with, but one of my friends let the beans spill to her older sister(ex) who has since then given me death threats and freaked out at me. The younger sister says she can't handle everything she's dealing with (school/work/her sister). I miss her but feel like I may be wasting my breath trying to get her back. I was a little bit too attentive at times...
Give her space and time. Although, you'd be better off staying away from the entire family. You are just inviting trouble for yourself.
Give her space and time. Although, you'd be better off staying away from the entire family. You are just inviting trouble for yourself.
Kevin,
My ex and I were together for about 5 years and lived together for 3. A few months after we moved in together she found out I was paying my previous ex money back that I felt was right to pay back because she supported me through some tough times. My current ex found out about this through a facebook message from my previous ex and ever since then she didn't trust me. She tild me things I could do to help her trust me again and I would do them for a little while and then stop and the problem was never fixed. After that she started to drink heavily and both things took a toll on our relationship. We tried counseling but it didnt work. Finally one day after an extremely bad night, she told me she was moving out and did.
We didn't speak for a while and then her mom had to gonto the hospital and we started hanging out again and for about 4 or 5 weeks things were going really good and I thought there might be a chance of us getting back together. We have been
Hit submit too soon.
Anyway we were doing really well but she was still drinking a lot. Then she decided to go to rehab which made me really happy. But when she came out she told me we can't be friends or anything because I'm the trigger that makes her want to drink.
We have been broken up for about 5 months and I haven't talked to her for a week.
Do you think there could be a chance at salvaging this relationship?
OK, you need to give her time till she feels like she can control her drinking. I'll say at least two months. Then get back in touch with her and see if she can stay friends with you and still control her drinking. I think you do have a chance.
OK, you need to give her time till she feels like she can control her drinking. I'll say at least two months. Then get back in touch with her and see if she can stay friends with you and still control her drinking. I think you do have a chance.
I really need some advice I have been seeing someone on n off for 3 years we have been thru a lot n never made our relationship official as we both have been hurt in the past we said we wanted to take things slow I fell in love with him he was my best friend my lover n meant the world to me no matter what i knew he was there for me last march we got started spending a lot of time together we made it clear that we were only seeing each other but never put a "title" on us but we cared about each other very much at least I did I thought he did too in July one night I was spending the night n he told me an old friend had contacted him n wanted to go to lunch n he told me it was nothing I needed to worry about I told him I didn't want him to go n he said it wasn't a big deal next thing I know they went to dinner n he started seeing her he told me he was with her I was devastated i still am n it's been 8 months n he's moving in with her I have kept my distance bc I'm so hurt he will call me randomly n talk to me as if we never skipped a beat I tell him how upset i am but I tell him I'm not chasing him he knows I love him he knows I wanna be with him he knows I'm so saddened by his move n especially how he is moving in with her he tells me he's not sure if he's making the right decisions he says he doesn't love her he says " we get along" n "she's cool" I'm so upset n feel lost we met up the other day bc I haven't seen him in months n it was as if we never left each other the way he looks at me melts my heart I am the one he should be with I'm the one who should be waking up with him then when we were together he looked thru my phone n saw a guy text me n got mad n asked a ton of questions but I have nothing to hide i haven't been with anyone since him 3 years ago I can't bring myself to even look at anyone else it love him so much he made me look in his eyes n tell him nothing was going on but i said y does it matter ur moving in with someone n he said He dosen't care but i know he does I'm so hurt why wont he let himself love me this new girl is one of his sisters friends she wealthy me I'm a single mother going to school n maybe not what his sister thinks he should be with bc before me he was with an ex who treated him terribly she was a single mom who took advantage of him lied to him cheated him n everything u can imagine I try to show him how much I love him n I'm different but this new girl he's moving in with her after 8 months n still contacts me why?? What do I do I'm devastated n don't want to lose him forever!!? Completely heartbroken n scared to lose the love of my life permanently
Apply no contact for three months. Don't answer his calls, texts or anything else. Then get back in touch with him as described in the 5 step plan.
Apply no contact for three months. Don't answer his calls, texts or anything else. Then get back in touch with him as described in the 5 step plan.
So my ex broke up with me 3 months ago. We dated for 2 and a half years, and we seemed madly in love. We had problems, and argued sometimes, but a lot of the times were happy. We were in long distance for the last few months of our relationship, and I had been drinking, and a girl who i was friends with got close to me while we were talking and I kissed her. I told my ex about it and she was very upset (called me names etc.) We remained together for about a month after, and then she broke up with me. We still continued to talk, and I did not act super needy, and we actually agreed to not talking for about a month and a half until I came home and could see her. When I came home and went out to eat with her, she told me that she was over it and had moved on, and I still wanted to try again, and I made my intentions known. We parted pretty well, and texted a bit over the next couple days, and she said things like we didn't have to hate each other and stuff. And then I saw her again a few days later to give back stuff. She was very emotional and when I asked if she was okay, she said it was upsetting. We hugged for about 15 seconds before I left, and I tried to give her a kiss, but she turned away and said she didn't think it was a good idea. Then I texted her later saying I wanted to talk to her again, and she didn't respond, so I texted her a couple days later asking to talk, and the next day texted her again and finally got a response. We talked a day later on the phone, and she was very angry at me for continuing to try and contact her and told me not to anymore, said she still hadn't forgiven me, and did not believe me when I said that I didn't go into that situation knowing that the kiss would happen, and I never intended for it to. I still honestly want her back, and I for the first time lost it and called her crying on the phone at night. The next day, I texted her and apologized and asked her to talk again, and she told me if I contacted her again it would become a legal issue. I'm not really sure what to do now, we tried no contact, she still hasn't forgiven me, and she believes that she cannot trust me and all of her friends and family think I am wrong for her. We had great chemistry and so many wonderful times and good memories, and I was planning on marrying her. I will be back at the same school next year, and we will be around each other a lot. Is there any shot I can get her back? I took the little quiz, and got a 65% chance, but I feel like I let all my shots slip away by not initiating a no contact period by myself, and complying with all of her terms after the break up in a very passive way. I didn't handle it well, and when we did talk, there was arguing and stuff. She believes that I do not meet up to her standards, and I had misrepresented myself towards her. Do you think I could send her an e-mail in a few weeks saying that I have accepted it and moved on etc, to try and initiate my own no contact period per se, even though we won't be talking because of how angry she was when I tried last time. What do you think?
I think you should do no contact for 2 months and then contact her. Her anger would have subsided by then and she will be open to having a conversation with you.
I think you should do no contact for 2 months and then contact her. Her anger would have subsided by then and she will be open to having a conversation with you.
I just stumbled upon searching this online the web and I find it difficult for me to follow. I have my own issues because I am actually suffering from this post-denial breakup issue and I want to get my ex boyfriend back after everything put and said is done. I am really not making any progress and I need help! Pleas please reply to my letter. I am sorry if its going be long but I will try my best to keep it short and straight forward as possible.
So I met this guy last year we don't know much about each other and we only got to know a little. Weeks past when he asked me out on a date, and my friends knew already this guy likes me. I just thought of the idea and asked him if he liked me on our second date which I think was out of his plan since to tell a person u like them is too fast. I made a bad mistake but I wanted to know. well chances of everything my friends tells me are 100% true. I couldn't comprehend it because I didn't understand it. I dont find myself pretty or attractive so when he said he likes me of reasons I still don't believe him. I was told once before that time is essence, you must get to know each other first to start a relationship. so i had that foolish mindset which caused a havoc because I cannot change my mind up. I started to grow fond of him and like him in little ways possible. That saying "spark" and "butterflies" happened. I was scared to put my foot forward and saw the negativity things in all he does. I was what you call complex mind set but I honestly didn't know what to do in a relationship since he was the first. I started to open up to him, we had always little arguments that turn into big stupid ones that made me say stupid words like "lets break up" . There are times too when I said these I don't mean them. but the sad part was that when I do explain my feelings he doesn't want to listen to them he wants it in a fast track move. Wants to rush, and I am the opposite cause I don't like the rush mood. I never told our close friend, but told this friend the opposite of what he did to me the bad and negative my feelings and ways told other things. and that friend was worried. but eventually that friend knows me so well now that I keep running back. Everyone told me to break up with him because he is treating me with no respect. I listen thinking its best. But I regret them 100% because I should have believed my ex boyfriend. The problem is that I know he has bad reputation past and contacts his ex'es and contacts other women, but when he was with me he was always with me all the time. And when things did go heavy he tried his best in ways where that saying goes "love does crazy things to people" he would trespass in my apartment send me countless of letters and odd gifts. I just need a space and breathe of air. but he countless bugged me with messages of paragraphs, calls, begging for third fourth chances and for me to open up. I couldn't understand. I really couldn't. He scared me! His actions were all wrong and I was so scared he might hurt me physically but he told me he will never do that. I assume a lot of things which makes me feel stupid. But he plays dirty too, he didnt give me time to think. I just was so scared and i told him but he told me to trust him and give him another chance, but when I do he would misunderstand my words and turn it into an argurment its like when we were happpy he just breaks it and his mood changes. He said so himself that he screwed up. I KNOW for myself I did something and hurt him with words but I only did that because I dont want to get hurt more. But all those months before he hurt me with words and that stuck cuz when i try to ignore and forgive him the memory of it hurts so much. I know he does not mean what he says but i want him to understand my side too. He demanded so much chances but I just got scared. He told he hates my attitude that i dont know how to end relationships. but i thought ending it by talking to each other it wont work out and give time. he agreed to it, then he message me he wants me back and im stupid to notice it. The last days were when he asked to meet up but I stood him up because i listen to a friend and they said do u want to be called a bitch by him again? i let the change slip. and when i saw him again then i refused to talk to him. it was all too much for the both of us or just I. When I didn't hear from him for weeks I got news he was actually gone off the country! And received an email that he thinks I am happy and he thinks I thought of him badly in terms of physical appearance and wishes to talk to me again if ever.
It took 3 nights with no sleep and food when I replied to him back. Saying sorry and yes to agree to talk to him. What made me cave in was when I realized that saying "once you push someone away from you and when they're gone you will regret it" and that stuck cause I pushed him away because of how scared and confused of his actions and words he did towards me. I couldnt take anymore pain. but to the point and I reason it out that I really needed him, want him back, my heart is aching and i dont even eat properly. we are now on a long distance communication thing. but that too was also rocky.
He never understand that I rush home like crazy to even talk to him cause our time zones are different. To the point i have no more topics to provide anymore and he calls me im boring to the point it hurt my feelings and i told him that. we were always arguing via messages but once we skype i dont show emotion. i hide them because i feel that answering back with hateful heart is not good. He was over reacting to the smallest things I type or say. We were off and on. even long distance. when I finally felt that he doesn't want me anymore he showed it with his actions even on skype. HE gives me the cold shoulder, but he tells me everyday "i want to talk, lets talk, can i talk to u" and when i say sure, yes, ok when we do. he doesn't talk at all. i always ask the hey how are u, oh u know what something happened, so hows work or etc. i tried my best! but he sleeps on me, ignores me, then when we hung up message me that im boring and he thinks to himself that we're not compatible and that he doesnt like me anymore.
since February to march i felt the pain of karama, i know i pushed him but I am trying my best to make it work. I dont like the idea of long distance because it is not easy. my friends noticed how i dont eat or sleep or even do anything they are so worried i might end up killing myself over it. i am tired as well. he gives me mix signals and words. i even cried when i just cant take anymore. i told him it takes two people to work into this relationship and i ended it. he then calls to fix it so i cave in once more. then it was the same. he tells me i dont show anymore emotions like a dead robbot., its just that i got so hurt many times i dont see the point of showing emotions towards it.
and what I really dont understand is this.
Why would you tell me "I love you" "I need you in my life" "till you or I die, I need you and want you with me" "lets be together lets be engaged". then I fall for those words but the communication speaks otherwise .
its not healthy they say if you feel less and unwanted. My friends talk to me saying "he tells you he loves you, but then he treats you like shit!" when i dont say much he goes "your fucking boring" and when i make an excuse not to talk "is that all you can fucking give? fuck you dont ever contact me again" and "dont be stupid!" when the real truth is that i dont understand his questions on silly matters. "come visit me" but when we argue "I will treat u like shit and leave u" . tot he point I just broke out and said I had ENOUGH cause I tried my damn best to even work it out! I know I dump him last year cause of reasons. and when he tells me lets work it out I AM TRYING MY BEST. but he just backs off. I hate it and it hurts my brain . I didnt contact him for weeks, I blocked him in all social media and when I was doing alright he call and apologize to me.
we are back into talking. he asks me to come visit him. but i really dont know. i want to so bad but i have no money and i cant just give up my dreams in college and whatever. but he is making it sound like i need him more.
help help help!
sorry for the long message. but i am already at the point of depression or just starving myself. its not healthy.
First of all, you need to start no contact again. This time, don't answer his calls or texts. Block his number and stay no contact for at least two months. In my opinion, he is abusive and you should stay away from him at all cost. But, you need to decide on your own if he is good for you or not. That's why you should do at least two months no contact. During this two months, you have to force yourself to do anything you can to make yourself happy. Get new hobbies, join a gym, eat healthy etc. You will not feel like doing it, but you have to force yourself. Otherwise, you will never be able to get out of this dark place.
Hello Kevin!
Thank you so much for replying to my long message (sorry about the paragraph book format) anyways. Recently we did contact but I feel totally drained. We had a row, he got all crazy mad because I misheard him when he kept asking me some question that turned into a murmur. And when I answered differently, his voice changed in an angry hurl. I kept my mouth shut. But the fumes is burning. I was 80% burning in rage. I thought he would change his attitude. Yes it's my mistake for answering the wrong question, but he didn't state it clear. So in the end, I was called a "bitch" "stupid" "friendless" just because I didn't say "sorry, and please". I am so tired from today that I really couldn't care less on this. But he even dared lectured me on my attitude when HE himself cannot see it. He tried the threat "I will leave you I am so damn frustrated" I just remembered what you commented and I answered him "OK" because from then on I don't care if he leaves. I am being treated with all means of disrespect. He even threaten me that if ever he sees me in another country he will fire me or report me off. And when I try to speak or voice out myself, he tells me "shut the f*k up, I'm talking bitch". For the past 20-30 minutes on call all I heard were the F and B words combined. I hung up on him. Blocked him. Removed everything. Deleted all photos we had together, memories of conversations. His gifts down the garbage shoot. He is calling me on my number but I turned it off. I cannot block it cause I dont have that feature app. This is verbal abuse isn't it? He made me so angry that I had enough. I will agree to that 2 month no contact and even longer. If I stay with him, he will physically abuse me. from his tone of voice I cannot stand it. I want out. He keeps yelling that I am being "mean" and "rude" and "immature" he lectured me about "age" when he himelf cannot act like a man and stop pressuring me. From all his words, I'm not I am careful with my words because I fear I'd be lectured or even worst cursed like crazy. So that happened this week. I don't want this anymore. Is it wrong to even ignore him? like when we just talked , but he was already be belittling me and making me feel worst than I am feeling, I just blocked him and ignored him. This is not love anymore its like a toxic fumes I am inhaling. I hate it. So I will do the ignoring. I have been keeping myself occupied, reading books, dance classes, finding parttime jobs, and eating !
Hey,
You did great and I am really proud of you for what you did. You did nothing wrong. He is extremely abusive and in these two months, you are going to realize how much you were letting him disrespect you. From what you are saying, your relationship was definitely abusive and I'll not recommend you get back with him ever. Welcome to a new life. :)
Hey,
You did great and I am really proud of you for what you did. You did nothing wrong. He is extremely abusive and in these two months, you are going to realize how much you were letting him disrespect you. From what you are saying, your relationship was definitely abusive and I'll not recommend you get back with him ever. Welcome to a new life. :)
Hey,
You did great and I am really proud of you for what you did. You did nothing wrong. He is extremely abusive and in these two months, you are going to realize how much you were letting him disrespect you. From what you are saying, your relationship was definitely abusive and I'll not recommend you get back with him ever. Welcome to a new life. :)
Hey,
You did great and I am really proud of you for what you did. You did nothing wrong. He is extremely abusive and in these two months, you are going to realize how much you were letting him disrespect you. From what you are saying, your relationship was definitely abusive and I'll not recommend you get back with him ever. Welcome to a new life. :)
Hello Kevin!
Thank you so much for replying to my long message (sorry about the paragraph book format) anyways. Recently we did contact but I feel totally drained. We had a row, he got all crazy mad because I misheard him when he kept asking me some question that turned into a murmur. And when I answered differently, his voice changed in an angry hurl. I kept my mouth shut. But the fumes is burning. I was 80% burning in rage. I thought he would change his attitude. Yes it's my mistake for answering the wrong question, but he didn't state it clear. So in the end, I was called a "bitch" "stupid" "friendless" just because I didn't say "sorry, and please". I am so tired from today that I really couldn't care less on this. But he even dared lectured me on my attitude when HE himself cannot see it. He tried the threat "I will leave you I am so damn frustrated" I just remembered what you commented and I answered him "OK" because from then on I don't care if he leaves. I am being treated with all means of disrespect. He even threaten me that if ever he sees me in another country he will fire me or report me off. And when I try to speak or voice out myself, he tells me "shut the f*k up, I'm talking bitch". For the past 20-30 minutes on call all I heard were the F and B words combined. I hung up on him. Blocked him. Removed everything. Deleted all photos we had together, memories of conversations. His gifts down the garbage shoot. He is calling me on my number but I turned it off. I cannot block it cause I dont have that feature app. This is verbal abuse isn't it? He made me so angry that I had enough. I will agree to that 2 month no contact and even longer. If I stay with him, he will physically abuse me. from his tone of voice I cannot stand it. I want out. He keeps yelling that I am being "mean" and "rude" and "immature" he lectured me about "age" when he himelf cannot act like a man and stop pressuring me. From all his words, I'm not I am careful with my words because I fear I'd be lectured or even worst cursed like crazy. So that happened this week. I don't want this anymore. Is it wrong to even ignore him? like when we just talked , but he was already be belittling me and making me feel worst than I am feeling, I just blocked him and ignored him. This is not love anymore its like a toxic fumes I am inhaling. I hate it. So I will do the ignoring. I have been keeping myself occupied, reading books, dance classes, finding parttime jobs, and eating !
Hello Kevin!
Thank you so much for replying to my long message (sorry about the paragraph book format) anyways. Recently we did contact but I feel totally drained. We had a row, he got all crazy mad because I misheard him when he kept asking me some question that turned into a murmur. And when I answered differently, his voice changed in an angry hurl. I kept my mouth shut. But the fumes is burning. I was 80% burning in rage. I thought he would change his attitude. Yes it's my mistake for answering the wrong question, but he didn't state it clear. So in the end, I was called a "bitch" "stupid" "friendless" just because I didn't say "sorry, and please". I am so tired from today that I really couldn't care less on this. But he even dared lectured me on my attitude when HE himself cannot see it. He tried the threat "I will leave you I am so damn frustrated" I just remembered what you commented and I answered him "OK" because from then on I don't care if he leaves. I am being treated with all means of disrespect. He even threaten me that if ever he sees me in another country he will fire me or report me off. And when I try to speak or voice out myself, he tells me "shut the f*k up, I'm talking bitch". For the past 20-30 minutes on call all I heard were the F and B words combined. I hung up on him. Blocked him. Removed everything. Deleted all photos we had together, memories of conversations. His gifts down the garbage shoot. He is calling me on my number but I turned it off. I cannot block it cause I dont have that feature app. This is verbal abuse isn't it? He made me so angry that I had enough. I will agree to that 2 month no contact and even longer. If I stay with him, he will physically abuse me. from his tone of voice I cannot stand it. I want out. He keeps yelling that I am being "mean" and "rude" and "immature" he lectured me about "age" when he himelf cannot act like a man and stop pressuring me. From all his words, I'm not I am careful with my words because I fear I'd be lectured or even worst cursed like crazy. So that happened this week. I don't want this anymore. Is it wrong to even ignore him? like when we just talked , but he was already be belittling me and making me feel worst than I am feeling, I just blocked him and ignored him. This is not love anymore its like a toxic fumes I am inhaling. I hate it. So I will do the ignoring. I have been keeping myself occupied, reading books, dance classes, finding parttime jobs, and eating !
First of all, you need to start no contact again. This time, don't answer his calls or texts. Block his number and stay no contact for at least two months. In my opinion, he is abusive and you should stay away from him at all cost. But, you need to decide on your own if he is good for you or not. That's why you should do at least two months no contact. During this two months, you have to force yourself to do anything you can to make yourself happy. Get new hobbies, join a gym, eat healthy etc. You will not feel like doing it, but you have to force yourself. Otherwise, you will never be able to get out of this dark place.
HEY KEVIN!
Do you remember me posting here? i think not..i was that guy who went to 'bump into' my ex gf after 6 months of the break up and she didn't even respond..she kind of ran away.and i was so embarrassed and decided to quit this(you also told me to move on).
Now,sorry to bug you agaain! :/
But couldn't help but to ask you about this.so please reply.?
Today ,she called me all of a sudden after roughly 2 weeks or so ( 2 weeks after i bumped into her which turned out to be a disaster). she asked me why i was there. i was asleep when she called..so i couldn't think of any better reply..so i said..i felt bad to say some bad things during the break up so i was there to tell you that i was sorry. She listened and said ..ok..don't come to visit near the house and all...but it wasn't harsh at all ( it sounds harsh when i type here) ..she was very calm and talked just like how she used to talk when we were in love! i couldn't say anything else..i choked a bit cause i got up only then..so i said okay and hung up. i logged on to fb and when checked,realized that she had unblocked me.
so. what do you think?
p.s. i'm not desperate at all,I'm just curious and i liked the way she talked to me.
Well, perhaps she is opening up to communications with you. Perhaps now you can follow the 4th step of the 5 step plan and start building attraction.
Ha!! it was nothing. i called her later that day and she said she wasn't open for communications and blocked me again on facebook..I'm feeling so bwah right now. Not sad,but a little angry towards her. i think there isn't gonna be a future with her,but still i hope of messaging her someday (maybe a year or so later) just cause i want to be friends with her. No real feelings towards her to make me feel so down and all right now..but sometimes when you aren't around with friends and all..i feel like there's this missing piece. * tried not make it dramatic* ..you're the expert..i can do that right..cause not really interested in relationships now but i want her just as a friend(may be 4-5 months later)..i dunno whether i can keep the distance once we start talking but i want her as a friend thats all i want.thats okay right!
Another thing, i gotta tell you man, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB HERE!! i really appreciate it. You replying here to all these people who need help..that's very nice of you. keep up the good work :)
I'll not recommend going for friendship. There are millions of people out there who you can be friends with. Why her? Go out and start doing some new activities, get new hobbies and meet new people. You'll make a lot of new friends. And these will be real friends. It won't be forced friendship, like the one you'll have with her (on the off chance you are able to convince her to be friends). In my opinion, you are just using this friends thing as an excuse to convince yourself that you will not lose her from your life and maybe some time in the far future you will get back with her. Don't try to fool yourself. Be honest with yourself. If you decide to move on, move on. There is no reason in trying to be friends with an ex. Especially if you have to convince her to be your friend.
hey thanks, you're right. Presents are somewhat more dramatic and i'll be wasting money.
let me see i have like 6-8 months ahead of me to decide..meanwhile i have to pass an exam which is very very important for me which i will try to clear in the first chance itself. ha..then i will decide on whether to send the text wishing happy birthday. i can't just let her slip through my hands you know..yes i lost her and there seems to be no way of getting her back. But somewhere down the line in 2-3 years,i want to get involved with her and I'm more than patient.
may be I'm stubborn but i can't just quit that easily..given the chance i will keep coming back
Hey Christoph,
I wish you the best. But I'll strongly recommend you date a few other girls or at least try another relationship during the time you are not in contact with her.
Hey Christoph,
I wish you the best. But I'll strongly recommend you date a few other girls or at least try another relationship during the time you are not in contact with her.
Hey Christoph,
I wish you the best. But I'll strongly recommend you date a few other girls or at least try another relationship during the time you are not in contact with her.
Hey Christoph,
I wish you the best. But I'll strongly recommend you date a few other girls or at least try another relationship during the time you are not in contact with her.
Hey Christoph,
I wish you the best. But I'll strongly recommend you date a few other girls or at least try another relationship during the time you are not in contact with her.
Hey Christoph,
I wish you the best. But I'll strongly recommend you date a few other girls or at least try another relationship during the time you are not in contact with her.
hmm yeah true..what I'm thinking of right now is I'm not gona try to waltz back into her life cause its just not possible and not right. So, the only time i will be contacting her will be on her birthday which is next December(did not wish her on her first bday after the split.yikes.)
a simple text message and may be (very slight chance) i might send a small present or something without writing the senders address..you might be thinking whats the point of doing something like that. ermm lets just say i want her to feel that i actually think about her even after this long(not in a desperate way) like I've become a good guy or something and he deserves forgiveness ! bwah. that's all.i hope this is okay behavior.
In my opinion, you will just be wasting money on the present. Sending presents to an ex never works in your favor.
In my opinion, you will just be wasting money on the present. Sending presents to an ex never works in your favor.
In my opinion, you will just be wasting money on the present. Sending presents to an ex never works in your favor.
In my opinion, you will just be wasting money on the present. Sending presents to an ex never works in your favor.
In my opinion, you will just be wasting money on the present. Sending presents to an ex never works in your favor.
In my opinion, you will just be wasting money on the present. Sending presents to an ex never works in your favor.
Man i wish that was easy. Its been 7 months now and i thought i wouldn't be thinking of her anymore and i was right to some extend. The thing is, thoughts about her come into my mind whenever I'm not busy and i feel so depressed. If I'm out with my friends or is busy with my family..i have no trouble..but right now I'm having a vacation frm college and i spend time alone for most of the day. 'GO out and enjoy' doesn't work that easily you knw ..most of my frnds are busy with their studies right now whereas i have got nothing to do for a week or so.
I did all the go out and make friends thing way back and trust me it wasn't that easy but i made some pretty 'okay' friends eventually. What hurts me is that she decided to block me yet again..when she unblocked me it give a slight ray of hope but it did not last long!
Yeah you are right, i might be trying to get her back using this 'friendship' as a cover. But that was the whole point of this discussion right?
i don't want her immediately..all i want is to hear from her is that she has forgiven me..i have this deep sense of guilt inside me and lots of memories with her keeps haunting me..that is why i want to make peace with her.She might have dumped me in the end but she was one hell of a gf. :/
I just meant that you should be honest with yourself. Don't tell yourself that you just want to be friends with her in the future and not get back together because that's just not true.
I just meant that you should be honest with yourself. Don't tell yourself that you just want to be friends with her in the future and not get back together because that's just not true.
I just meant that you should be honest with yourself. Don't tell yourself that you just want to be friends with her in the future and not get back together because that's just not true.
I just meant that you should be honest with yourself. Don't tell yourself that you just want to be friends with her in the future and not get back together because that's just not true.
I just meant that you should be honest with yourself. Don't tell yourself that you just want to be friends with her in the future and not get back together because that's just not true.
I just meant that you should be honest with yourself. Don't tell yourself that you just want to be friends with her in the future and not get back together because that's just not true.
hey thanks, you're right. Presents are somewhat more dramatic and i'll be wasting money.
let me see i have like 6-8 months ahead of me to decide..meanwhile i have to pass an exam which is very very important for me which i will try to clear in the first chance itself. ha..then i will decide on whether to send the text wishing happy birthday. i can't just let her slip through my hands you know..yes i lost her and there seems to be no way of getting her back. But somewhere down the line in 2-3 years,i want to get involved with her and I'm more than patient.
may be I'm stubborn but i can't just quit that easily..given the chance i will keep coming back
hmm yeah true..what I'm thinking of right now is I'm not gona try to waltz back into her life cause its just not possible and not right. So, the only time i will be contacting her will be on her birthday which is next December(did not wish her on her first bday after the split.yikes.)
a simple text message and may be (very slight chance) i might send a small present or something without writing the senders address..you might be thinking whats the point of doing something like that. ermm lets just say i want her to feel that i actually think about her even after this long(not in a desperate way) like I've become a good guy or something and he deserves forgiveness ! bwah. that's all.i hope this is okay behavior.
Man i wish that was easy. Its been 7 months now and i thought i wouldn't be thinking of her anymore and i was right to some extend. The thing is, thoughts about her come into my mind whenever I'm not busy and i feel so depressed. If I'm out with my friends or is busy with my family..i have no trouble..but right now I'm having a vacation frm college and i spend time alone for most of the day. 'GO out and enjoy' doesn't work that easily you knw ..most of my frnds are busy with their studies right now whereas i have got nothing to do for a week or so.
I did all the go out and make friends thing way back and trust me it wasn't that easy but i made some pretty 'okay' friends eventually. What hurts me is that she decided to block me yet again..when she unblocked me it give a slight ray of hope but it did not last long!
Yeah you are right, i might be trying to get her back using this 'friendship' as a cover. But that was the whole point of this discussion right?
i don't want her immediately..all i want is to hear from her is that she has forgiven me..i have this deep sense of guilt inside me and lots of memories with her keeps haunting me..that is why i want to make peace with her.She might have dumped me in the end but she was one hell of a gf. :/
hey thanks, you're right. Presents are somewhat more dramatic and i'll be wasting money.
let me see i have like 6-8 months ahead of me to decide..meanwhile i have to pass an exam which is very very important for me which i will try to clear in the first chance itself. ha..then i will decide on whether to send the text wishing happy birthday. i can't just let her slip through my hands you know..yes i lost her and there seems to be no way of getting her back. But somewhere down the line in 2-3 years,i want to get involved with her and I'm more than patient.
may be I'm stubborn but i can't just quit that easily..given the chance i will keep coming back
hmm yeah true..what I'm thinking of right now is I'm not gona try to waltz back into her life cause its just not possible and not right. So, the only time i will be contacting her will be on her birthday which is next December(did not wish her on her first bday after the split.yikes.)
a simple text message and may be (very slight chance) i might send a small present or something without writing the senders address..you might be thinking whats the point of doing something like that. ermm lets just say i want her to feel that i actually think about her even after this long(not in a desperate way) like I've become a good guy or something and he deserves forgiveness ! bwah. that's all.i hope this is okay behavior.
Man i wish that was easy. Its been 7 months now and i thought i wouldn't be thinking of her anymore and i was right to some extend. The thing is, thoughts about her come into my mind whenever I'm not busy and i feel so depressed. If I'm out with my friends or is busy with my family..i have no trouble..but right now I'm having a vacation frm college and i spend time alone for most of the day. 'GO out and enjoy' doesn't work that easily you knw ..most of my frnds are busy with their studies right now whereas i have got nothing to do for a week or so.
I did all the go out and make friends thing way back and trust me it wasn't that easy but i made some pretty 'okay' friends eventually. What hurts me is that she decided to block me yet again..when she unblocked me it give a slight ray of hope but it did not last long!
Yeah you are right, i might be trying to get her back using this 'friendship' as a cover. But that was the whole point of this discussion right?
i don't want her immediately..all i want is to hear from her is that she has forgiven me..i have this deep sense of guilt inside me and lots of memories with her keeps haunting me..that is why i want to make peace with her.She might have dumped me in the end but she was one hell of a gf. :/
hey thanks, you're right. Presents are somewhat more dramatic and i'll be wasting money.
let me see i have like 6-8 months ahead of me to decide..meanwhile i have to pass an exam which is very very important for me which i will try to clear in the first chance itself. ha..then i will decide on whether to send the text wishing happy birthday. i can't just let her slip through my hands you know..yes i lost her and there seems to be no way of getting her back. But somewhere down the line in 2-3 years,i want to get involved with her and I'm more than patient.
may be I'm stubborn but i can't just quit that easily..given the chance i will keep coming back
hmm yeah true..what I'm thinking of right now is I'm not gona try to waltz back into her life cause its just not possible and not right. So, the only time i will be contacting her will be on her birthday which is next December(did not wish her on her first bday after the split.yikes.)
a simple text message and may be (very slight chance) i might send a small present or something without writing the senders address..you might be thinking whats the point of doing something like that. ermm lets just say i want her to feel that i actually think about her even after this long(not in a desperate way) like I've become a good guy or something and he deserves forgiveness ! bwah. that's all.i hope this is okay behavior.
Man i wish that was easy. Its been 7 months now and i thought i wouldn't be thinking of her anymore and i was right to some extend. The thing is, thoughts about her come into my mind whenever I'm not busy and i feel so depressed. If I'm out with my friends or is busy with my family..i have no trouble..but right now I'm having a vacation frm college and i spend time alone for most of the day. 'GO out and enjoy' doesn't work that easily you knw ..most of my frnds are busy with their studies right now whereas i have got nothing to do for a week or so.
I did all the go out and make friends thing way back and trust me it wasn't that easy but i made some pretty 'okay' friends eventually. What hurts me is that she decided to block me yet again..when she unblocked me it give a slight ray of hope but it did not last long!
Yeah you are right, i might be trying to get her back using this 'friendship' as a cover. But that was the whole point of this discussion right?
i don't want her immediately..all i want is to hear from her is that she has forgiven me..i have this deep sense of guilt inside me and lots of memories with her keeps haunting me..that is why i want to make peace with her.She might have dumped me in the end but she was one hell of a gf. :/
hey thanks, you're right. Presents are somewhat more dramatic and i'll be wasting money.
let me see i have like 6-8 months ahead of me to decide..meanwhile i have to pass an exam which is very very important for me which i will try to clear in the first chance itself. ha..then i will decide on whether to send the text wishing happy birthday. i can't just let her slip through my hands you know..yes i lost her and there seems to be no way of getting her back. But somewhere down the line in 2-3 years,i want to get involved with her and I'm more than patient.
may be I'm stubborn but i can't just quit that easily..given the chance i will keep coming back
hmm yeah true..what I'm thinking of right now is I'm not gona try to waltz back into her life cause its just not possible and not right. So, the only time i will be contacting her will be on her birthday which is next December(did not wish her on her first bday after the split.yikes.)
a simple text message and may be (very slight chance) i might send a small present or something without writing the senders address..you might be thinking whats the point of doing something like that. ermm lets just say i want her to feel that i actually think about her even after this long(not in a desperate way) like I've become a good guy or something and he deserves forgiveness ! bwah. that's all.i hope this is okay behavior.
Man i wish that was easy. Its been 7 months now and i thought i wouldn't be thinking of her anymore and i was right to some extend. The thing is, thoughts about her come into my mind whenever I'm not busy and i feel so depressed. If I'm out with my friends or is busy with my family..i have no trouble..but right now I'm having a vacation frm college and i spend time alone for most of the day. 'GO out and enjoy' doesn't work that easily you knw ..most of my frnds are busy with their studies right now whereas i have got nothing to do for a week or so.
I did all the go out and make friends thing way back and trust me it wasn't that easy but i made some pretty 'okay' friends eventually. What hurts me is that she decided to block me yet again..when she unblocked me it give a slight ray of hope but it did not last long!
Yeah you are right, i might be trying to get her back using this 'friendship' as a cover. But that was the whole point of this discussion right?
i don't want her immediately..all i want is to hear from her is that she has forgiven me..i have this deep sense of guilt inside me and lots of memories with her keeps haunting me..that is why i want to make peace with her.She might have dumped me in the end but she was one hell of a gf. :/
I'll not recommend going for friendship. There are millions of people out there who you can be friends with. Why her? Go out and start doing some new activities, get new hobbies and meet new people. You'll make a lot of new friends. And these will be real friends. It won't be forced friendship, like the one you'll have with her (on the off chance you are able to convince her to be friends). In my opinion, you are just using this friends thing as an excuse to convince yourself that you will not lose her from your life and maybe some time in the far future you will get back with her. Don't try to fool yourself. Be honest with yourself. If you decide to move on, move on. There is no reason in trying to be friends with an ex. Especially if you have to convince her to be your friend.
I'll not recommend going for friendship. There are millions of people out there who you can be friends with. Why her? Go out and start doing some new activities, get new hobbies and meet new people. You'll make a lot of new friends. And these will be real friends. It won't be forced friendship, like the one you'll have with her (on the off chance you are able to convince her to be friends). In my opinion, you are just using this friends thing as an excuse to convince yourself that you will not lose her from your life and maybe some time in the far future you will get back with her. Don't try to fool yourself. Be honest with yourself. If you decide to move on, move on. There is no reason in trying to be friends with an ex. Especially if you have to convince her to be your friend.
I'll not recommend going for friendship. There are millions of people out there who you can be friends with. Why her? Go out and start doing some new activities, get new hobbies and meet new people. You'll make a lot of new friends. And these will be real friends. It won't be forced friendship, like the one you'll have with her (on the off chance you are able to convince her to be friends). In my opinion, you are just using this friends thing as an excuse to convince yourself that you will not lose her from your life and maybe some time in the far future you will get back with her. Don't try to fool yourself. Be honest with yourself. If you decide to move on, move on. There is no reason in trying to be friends with an ex. Especially if you have to convince her to be your friend.
Ha!! it was nothing. i called her later that day and she said she wasn't open for communications and blocked me again on facebook..I'm feeling so bwah right now. Not sad,but a little angry towards her. i think there isn't gonna be a future with her,but still i hope of messaging her someday (maybe a year or so later) just cause i want to be friends with her. No real feelings towards her to make me feel so down and all right now..but sometimes when you aren't around with friends and all..i feel like there's this missing piece. * tried not make it dramatic* ..you're the expert..i can do that right..cause not really interested in relationships now but i want her just as a friend(may be 4-5 months later)..i dunno whether i can keep the distance once we start talking but i want her as a friend thats all i want.thats okay right!
Another thing, i gotta tell you man, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB HERE!! i really appreciate it. You replying here to all these people who need help..that's very nice of you. keep up the good work :)
Ha!! it was nothing. i called her later that day and she said she wasn't open for communications and blocked me again on facebook..I'm feeling so bwah right now. Not sad,but a little angry towards her. i think there isn't gonna be a future with her,but still i hope of messaging her someday (maybe a year or so later) just cause i want to be friends with her. No real feelings towards her to make me feel so down and all right now..but sometimes when you aren't around with friends and all..i feel like there's this missing piece. * tried not make it dramatic* ..you're the expert..i can do that right..cause not really interested in relationships now but i want her just as a friend(may be 4-5 months later)..i dunno whether i can keep the distance once we start talking but i want her as a friend thats all i want.thats okay right!
Another thing, i gotta tell you man, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB HERE!! i really appreciate it. You replying here to all these people who need help..that's very nice of you. keep up the good work :)
Well, perhaps she is opening up to communications with you. Perhaps now you can follow the 4th step of the 5 step plan and start building attraction.
ME and my lover broke up for about a week now.. we have been together for five years he dumped me after I told him i did something very bad. He told me for now we can be friends and he will think about getting back together when im more independent and live on my own. Before that we were talking about maybe getting married to.. What should I do?
Follow the 5 step plan PandaLover.
Follow the 5 step plan PandaLover.
hello Kevin. I've had read your article about getting back your ex. and i found it such a hard thing to do it. I wanna tell you something that I am a girl who loved a girl too, in short I am a lesbian. Me and my girl just formally broke up two months ago after a one year unstable relationship because of our distance. She went back to china after she finished her practical teaching here in Thailand. We broke up because there are things we cannot meet up and I knew she really wanted us to be together as soon as possible but the time did not allow it for some reasons. I found out she's no longer happy with our relationship status. At first I asked for break up and give her time to figure out what does she really wanted. I was really bleeding for my decision that time, and I didn't notice that she's trying herself to fall to someone else. When she told me she's with someone else. I felt drown deep inside and broken, I cried silently and suddenly thought of something "Its better like that 'coz at least she chose to be with the man". But deep inside I was bleeding coz I really loved her and my love to her is sincere. Eventhough I felt this way, my heart and my mind always told me I wanted her back. What do you think I can do about this?
Follow up message:
after her last message to me I did not message her back following the rules you said from your article. I also read your messages from my email but today you sent me "the obsession syndrome. you're right ive got a lot of things in my mind this time and one thing here that confuses me is that the one you sent me today is really opposite to what is happening now. She never checked my QQ zone this days.. but i saw her online everyday. that's the thing on my mind now. what really happened? why she can afford to ignore and forget me as fast like this.
what do you think about this?
Well, there could be a lot of reasons. Perhaps she is trying to stop herself from obsessing over you and is refraining from looking at your profile. Some people just have good self control when it comes to these things. I think you should follow no contact for a month and then contact her again.
Well, there could be a lot of reasons. Perhaps she is trying to stop herself from obsessing over you and is refraining from looking at your profile. Some people just have good self control when it comes to these things. I think you should follow no contact for a month and then contact her again.
Kevin, My name is Jorge, 37 years old, my wife is 28 years young, and we have two beautiful children. We have been separated for nine months now, but still married. Married for six years; she broke up with me because she was tired of my mistreatments which started due to an affair she had five years ago. The relationship pretty much became sour. Since the brake up she has dated a few guys, but for the past six months she has been seen with the same guy, and my oldest tells me that he spends some weekends over the house, AS A FREIND. My wife has denied it, but has made it clear that she isn't making love to any one, she is simply satisfying her needs of a woman. She spends majority of her times at the clubs, or bars, and has been drinking much. Don't know what to do! My gut feeling tells me she has moved on, but why continue to treat me bad, and hurt my feelings if she no longer loves me? Its what she claims
Jorge,
She definitely has feelings for you still. I am sorry it happened to you. I guess you should apply no contact for a while before deciding you want to get her back or not. I don't think you were ever able to trust her again and even if you do get back together this time, I fell it won't be any different. Only think about getting back together if you are absolutely 100% sure that you will be able to trust her.
Thanks, Kevin
You're correct about the trust issue. I have tried applying the no contact for months now, but our young children make that impossible. I have no choice but to see her since the kids are their. Although, just today I blocked all her friends, family, and including her from my facebook account. It has been by far the hardest 9+ months of my life. I love her still very much, but I just have the feeling that she will continue to cheat, until she runs out of gas. What breaks my heart into a billion peace's is that my kids would rather live with me and not go with their mother. They are so young, both under the age 0f 6. They are with me every weekend, while she leaves the weekends to party or brings HER FRIEND over, while my step daughter has to witness it all. She also would rather live with me. Well thank you very much. Wish me luck, and it's all on GOD's hands now. Can no contact work when children are involved?
Hey Jorge. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. Yes, no contact is possible when children are involved. I talk about it in this article.
Hey Jorge. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. Yes, no contact is possible when children are involved. I talk about it in this article.
Hey Jorge. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. Yes, no contact is possible when children are involved. I talk about it in this article.
Hey Jorge. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. Yes, no contact is possible when children are involved. I talk about it in this article.
Thanks, Kevin
You're correct about the trust issue. I have tried applying the no contact for months now, but our young children make that impossible. I have no choice but to see her since the kids are their. Although, just today I blocked all her friends, family, and including her from my facebook account. It has been by far the hardest 9+ months of my life. I love her still very much, but I just have the feeling that she will continue to cheat, until she runs out of gas. What breaks my heart into a billion peace's is that my kids would rather live with me and not go with their mother. They are so young, both under the age 0f 6. They are with me every weekend, while she leaves the weekends to party or brings HER FRIEND over, while my step daughter has to witness it all. She also would rather live with me. Well thank you very much. Wish me luck, and it's all on GOD's hands now. Can no contact work when children are involved?
Thanks, Kevin
You're correct about the trust issue. I have tried applying the no contact for months now, but our young children make that impossible. I have no choice but to see her since the kids are their. Although, just today I blocked all her friends, family, and including her from my facebook account. It has been by far the hardest 9+ months of my life. I love her still very much, but I just have the feeling that she will continue to cheat, until she runs out of gas. What breaks my heart into a billion peace's is that my kids would rather live with me and not go with their mother. They are so young, both under the age 0f 6. They are with me every weekend, while she leaves the weekends to party or brings HER FRIEND over, while my step daughter has to witness it all. She also would rather live with me. Well thank you very much. Wish me luck, and it's all on GOD's hands now. Can no contact work when children are involved?
Jorge,
She definitely has feelings for you still. I am sorry it happened to you. I guess you should apply no contact for a while before deciding you want to get her back or not. I don't think you were ever able to trust her again and even if you do get back together this time, I fell it won't be any different. Only think about getting back together if you are absolutely 100% sure that you will be able to trust her.
Hi Kevin,
So me and my ex boyfriend has broke up 5 days ago. It was because he keeps lying to me during our 2 and half years in relationship. I always forgive him and he always promise will honest to me after we fight, but he always broke it. So last 5 days he lied to me again. I was very angry and keep cursed him and I blocked his facebook, twitter, instagram and his number on my phone. I did not contacted him for two days and I realized I miss him and decide to forgive him. So, I contact him back and do all the deadly mistakes. He did not reply any single text and calls. So, I stalked him on facebook and twitter and tried to be friend with him back but he blocked me. It was devastating. During our relationship when we were not fighting he always treat me good. He always there for me because I also have family problems. He's the only one will hear my problems. And he always give me support. I'm really confused right now. I know when he lied to me he was not worthy. But in the same time we also happy. I'm scared he will move on and forget about me.
He will not move on. He is just angry. Just follow the 5 step plan.
He will not move on. He is just angry. Just follow the 5 step plan.
Hi kevin, I've been in a 2 years and 1 month long relationship with a girl. Of these 2 years and 1 month, more than 1 year and 8 months were a distance relationship with little to no physical contact. We are both asian living in two different european countries and her parents are muslim hence when her mother discovered about our relationship she beated her and told her to leave me. She sticked with me for a while (about two months) and she knew that if it continued i would had converted in order to take it further. However after that episode she started to distance herself and altough i moved to her country we did had little to no physical contact. We had some up and downs and i moved there to sort everything. A few weeks ago she told me she had feelings no longer and wanted to break up. I've been following your email and advice of no contact, i moved back to my country but wish to go back to hers as I enjoy the lifestyle over there and the people i met. I really do love her (otherwise i wouldn't had moved there). She is always under pressure from her parents and school and hence i did not talk about all my problems to her. She said she doesn't know what happened to her with her feelings. We used to meet about 1 to 2 times a week and it was for just over a couple of hours but it was fine for both of us. I'd like to have your advice on this and i would really do anything for her. I know it might be look like selfish to trying to have her at all cost even if it looks risky but I've arranged everything in case something was going to happen. Thanks in advance!
Marco,
It's a tough situation when religion is involved. Family pressure can affect a girl in many ways. I guess you should just keep things light and don't try to pressure her when you get back in touch with her.
Marco,
It's a tough situation when religion is involved. Family pressure can affect a girl in many ways. I guess you should just keep things light and don't try to pressure her when you get back in touch with her.
so 7 ys ago i met this girl online. we live in different states (me northwest she 's in the East) and fell in love - the first real love we both had. we got together again 9 months ago. were really in love again. in the meantime though, before we rediscovered each other, she got married and had 2 boys with a guy she eventually broke up with. she came and stayed with me for a few months but family probs forced her back to her x, but her intention was to return to me after a while. the whole mess blew my mind and i was somewhat disrespectful to her and at times harsh while away from me. Few weeks later she told me she needs to focus on her everyday life and provide a happiness for her kids, and that we cant continue together. i know her x wants her back, and that he tried to prove to her that he has changed ever since they broke off. At the same time though, we were so "connected" and open in communication and didn't hold secrets from each other while we were in a relationship.it was mostly good. Please help me understand who is the rebound here. Thanks
It's really hard to say Michael. I don't think either one of you is a rebound.
So you say she loves two men in the same way? is that possible? she said just before she broke with me that she wasn't remarrying him, but she needs to be happy for her kids.
It's definitely possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. She doesn't love both of you in the same way. If I had to guess, she loves you more in a romantic way while her ex is more of a "father of her child" sort of love. I hope it makes sense.
Another confusing fact, is that she still has me on her social media as "important life event", despite the fact she s living and possibly is together with her x husband. Any clues?
..it does. even though it puzzles me a great deal when we made grand plans for a life together, have kids etc. the fact she might compromise in a conventional relationship-can she?- is really troubling, specially when she was treated badly by that man for years. what do you recommend i should do?
I guess the only thing you can do is give her time to figure it out herself. If she decides to go with her ex husband, then you'll have to suck it up and accept it. I'll suggest you apply no contact for a month and then contact her. If at that time she still wants to work things out with her ex husband, then you should move on.
I guess the only thing you can do is give her time to figure it out herself. If she decides to go with her ex husband, then you'll have to suck it up and accept it. I'll suggest you apply no contact for a month and then contact her. If at that time she still wants to work things out with her ex husband, then you should move on.
I guess the only thing you can do is give her time to figure it out herself. If she decides to go with her ex husband, then you'll have to suck it up and accept it. I'll suggest you apply no contact for a month and then contact her. If at that time she still wants to work things out with her ex husband, then you should move on.
I guess the only thing you can do is give her time to figure it out herself. If she decides to go with her ex husband, then you'll have to suck it up and accept it. I'll suggest you apply no contact for a month and then contact her. If at that time she still wants to work things out with her ex husband, then you should move on.
I guess the only thing you can do is give her time to figure it out herself. If she decides to go with her ex husband, then you'll have to suck it up and accept it. I'll suggest you apply no contact for a month and then contact her. If at that time she still wants to work things out with her ex husband, then you should move on.
I guess the only thing you can do is give her time to figure it out herself. If she decides to go with her ex husband, then you'll have to suck it up and accept it. I'll suggest you apply no contact for a month and then contact her. If at that time she still wants to work things out with her ex husband, then you should move on.
Another confusing fact, is that she still has me on her social media as "important life event", despite the fact she s living and possibly is together with her x husband. Any clues?
..it does. even though it puzzles me a great deal when we made grand plans for a life together, have kids etc. the fact she might compromise in a conventional relationship-can she?- is really troubling, specially when she was treated badly by that man for years. what do you recommend i should do?
Another confusing fact, is that she still has me on her social media as "important life event", despite the fact she s living and possibly is together with her x husband. Any clues?
..it does. even though it puzzles me a great deal when we made grand plans for a life together, have kids etc. the fact she might compromise in a conventional relationship-can she?- is really troubling, specially when she was treated badly by that man for years. what do you recommend i should do?
Another confusing fact, is that she still has me on her social media as "important life event", despite the fact she s living and possibly is together with her x husband. Any clues?
..it does. even though it puzzles me a great deal when we made grand plans for a life together, have kids etc. the fact she might compromise in a conventional relationship-can she?- is really troubling, specially when she was treated badly by that man for years. what do you recommend i should do?
Another confusing fact, is that she still has me on her social media as "important life event", despite the fact she s living and possibly is together with her x husband. Any clues?
..it does. even though it puzzles me a great deal when we made grand plans for a life together, have kids etc. the fact she might compromise in a conventional relationship-can she?- is really troubling, specially when she was treated badly by that man for years. what do you recommend i should do?
It's definitely possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. She doesn't love both of you in the same way. If I had to guess, she loves you more in a romantic way while her ex is more of a "father of her child" sort of love. I hope it makes sense.
It's definitely possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. She doesn't love both of you in the same way. If I had to guess, she loves you more in a romantic way while her ex is more of a "father of her child" sort of love. I hope it makes sense.
It's definitely possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time. She doesn't love both of you in the same way. If I had to guess, she loves you more in a romantic way while her ex is more of a "father of her child" sort of love. I hope it makes sense.
So you say she loves two men in the same way? is that possible? she said just before she broke with me that she wasn't remarrying him, but she needs to be happy for her kids.
So you say she loves two men in the same way? is that possible? she said just before she broke with me that she wasn't remarrying him, but she needs to be happy for her kids.
It's really hard to say Michael. I don't think either one of you is a rebound.
Hey Kevin, it's been 30 days NC today, I've been better than I thought I would be by going out a lot with friends, concentrating more on me, I can still laugh loads without him... but I know I still love him. A lot of guys are attracted to me (don't want to be big headed), but I want him back. We had such chemistry, a great connection and pure love. All my friends and family say I deserve better as he wasn't willing to fight for me and I was so good to him, but he was good to me too and always treated me well.
I know the last time I saw him to get my things back from his place (as I stayed over most weekends) he still loved me but was in a bad place in life, this was 6 weeks ago. He is 30 and I'm 28 and we were together just over 1 year, he said he never loved a girl like as much as he loved me, however we clashed a lot due to our strong personalities and miscommunication, my insecurities from previous relationships and his fear of loving and committing as he had his trust broken before by his first girlfriend. He said the break up was the only logical option as we tried to make it work before, and after this time apart, I agree. It couldn't have continued how it was going, we needed to face both of our issues on our own.
At the time of the breakup, I begged and pleaded to make us work but he was adamant he made his mind up, however he still wanted me in his life and texted me saying he missed and loved me every few days, however he made his mind up. It wasn't fair on me being pushed and pulled like that and I had to cut contact. I told him to help me move on by not contacting me again and he said he was sad about that but would honor and respect that, but I still wanted him to contact me (girls are confusing). I haven't heard anything from him at all, NOTHING. My question is, it's my birthday next week, if he contacts me just saying happy birthday, what do I do/ say? Also, I have decided that if he doesn't contact me on my birthday I'm going to move on. I know you suggest write a letter, but I want this to come from him and for him to want to contact me, do you agree with this?
Thanks Kevin, I really appreciate all the help and think you are so kind to take the time to help people with this relationship problems!
Hey Jane,
Send him a simple thank you if wishes you. If that's what you've decided, then you should move on in case he doesn't contact you on your birthday. That's what the no contact period is for. It gives you time to figure out what you want and what you won't accept.
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday was my birthday, he didn't send me a text and I was really upset (but I did have a great day with friends). After midnight I sent him a text to say hey, yesterday was my bday, you forgot, goodbye type thing. However, he asked if I had been home and he had sent me a card but had it special delivery so I had to sign for it, I was out so didn't get it. He said he was thinking of me the whole day. Today, I went to collect the card from the sorting office and he wrote 'wishing you a happy birthday! Not a day goes by when you're absent from my thoughts. Wishing you all the best. x' What does this mean? I sent him a text after saying 'thanks for your card.' and then about a program that we used to watch together reminding me of him and making a joke.' he's read my message but hasn't replied, what should I do?
It just means he is missing you. Wait another week and then send him a text again. And belated Happy Birthday. :)
Thanks Kevin! He replied later, saying he was sorry for the late reply but his wounds were still sore and he was still pretty shaken - he broke up with me! He's still not in a good place with his life. We whatsapped today for a while and we both said we were thinking of each other, but he said sorry if the card confused me. I suggested meeting up (perhaps too soon) and he said it could be fun but he didn't want a repeat of the last time we met (he was in tears). He said I was confusing because I said I wanted to cut and doesn't get why I would want to meet up, but he feels dearly for me. your email today 'and it's called' is so damn true! He said exactly that! I'm not sure we are worth fighting for, I think he's given up on us and would much prefer us being friends. I want us to work, he's too confused, even after 33 days NC he doesn't seem to want me back at all. What should I do?
Give him more time. That's the only thing you can do right now. I'll recommend around two weeks.
Give him more time. That's the only thing you can do right now. I'll recommend around two weeks.
Give him more time. That's the only thing you can do right now. I'll recommend around two weeks.
Give him more time. That's the only thing you can do right now. I'll recommend around two weeks.
Give him more time. That's the only thing you can do right now. I'll recommend around two weeks.
Give him more time. That's the only thing you can do right now. I'll recommend around two weeks.
Thanks Kevin! He replied later, saying he was sorry for the late reply but his wounds were still sore and he was still pretty shaken - he broke up with me! He's still not in a good place with his life. We whatsapped today for a while and we both said we were thinking of each other, but he said sorry if the card confused me. I suggested meeting up (perhaps too soon) and he said it could be fun but he didn't want a repeat of the last time we met (he was in tears). He said I was confusing because I said I wanted to cut and doesn't get why I would want to meet up, but he feels dearly for me. your email today 'and it's called' is so damn true! He said exactly that! I'm not sure we are worth fighting for, I think he's given up on us and would much prefer us being friends. I want us to work, he's too confused, even after 33 days NC he doesn't seem to want me back at all. What should I do?
Thanks Kevin! He replied later, saying he was sorry for the late reply but his wounds were still sore and he was still pretty shaken - he broke up with me! He's still not in a good place with his life. We whatsapped today for a while and we both said we were thinking of each other, but he said sorry if the card confused me. I suggested meeting up (perhaps too soon) and he said it could be fun but he didn't want a repeat of the last time we met (he was in tears). He said I was confusing because I said I wanted to cut and doesn't get why I would want to meet up, but he feels dearly for me. your email today 'and it's called' is so damn true! He said exactly that! I'm not sure we are worth fighting for, I think he's given up on us and would much prefer us being friends. I want us to work, he's too confused, even after 33 days NC he doesn't seem to want me back at all. What should I do?
Thanks Kevin! He replied later, saying he was sorry for the late reply but his wounds were still sore and he was still pretty shaken - he broke up with me! He's still not in a good place with his life. We whatsapped today for a while and we both said we were thinking of each other, but he said sorry if the card confused me. I suggested meeting up (perhaps too soon) and he said it could be fun but he didn't want a repeat of the last time we met (he was in tears). He said I was confusing because I said I wanted to cut and doesn't get why I would want to meet up, but he feels dearly for me. your email today 'and it's called' is so damn true! He said exactly that! I'm not sure we are worth fighting for, I think he's given up on us and would much prefer us being friends. I want us to work, he's too confused, even after 33 days NC he doesn't seem to want me back at all. What should I do?
Thanks Kevin! He replied later, saying he was sorry for the late reply but his wounds were still sore and he was still pretty shaken - he broke up with me! He's still not in a good place with his life. We whatsapped today for a while and we both said we were thinking of each other, but he said sorry if the card confused me. I suggested meeting up (perhaps too soon) and he said it could be fun but he didn't want a repeat of the last time we met (he was in tears). He said I was confusing because I said I wanted to cut and doesn't get why I would want to meet up, but he feels dearly for me. your email today 'and it's called' is so damn true! He said exactly that! I'm not sure we are worth fighting for, I think he's given up on us and would much prefer us being friends. I want us to work, he's too confused, even after 33 days NC he doesn't seem to want me back at all. What should I do?
It just means he is missing you. Wait another week and then send him a text again. And belated Happy Birthday. :)
It just means he is missing you. Wait another week and then send him a text again. And belated Happy Birthday. :)
It just means he is missing you. Wait another week and then send him a text again. And belated Happy Birthday. :)
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday was my birthday, he didn't send me a text and I was really upset (but I did have a great day with friends). After midnight I sent him a text to say hey, yesterday was my bday, you forgot, goodbye type thing. However, he asked if I had been home and he had sent me a card but had it special delivery so I had to sign for it, I was out so didn't get it. He said he was thinking of me the whole day. Today, I went to collect the card from the sorting office and he wrote 'wishing you a happy birthday! Not a day goes by when you're absent from my thoughts. Wishing you all the best. x' What does this mean? I sent him a text after saying 'thanks for your card.' and then about a program that we used to watch together reminding me of him and making a joke.' he's read my message but hasn't replied, what should I do?
Hi Kevin,
So yesterday was my birthday, he didn't send me a text and I was really upset (but I did have a great day with friends). After midnight I sent him a text to say hey, yesterday was my bday, you forgot, goodbye type thing. However, he asked if I had been home and he had sent me a card but had it special delivery so I had to sign for it, I was out so didn't get it. He said he was thinking of me the whole day. Today, I went to collect the card from the sorting office and he wrote 'wishing you a happy birthday! Not a day goes by when you're absent from my thoughts. Wishing you all the best. x' What does this mean? I sent him a text after saying 'thanks for your card.' and then about a program that we used to watch together reminding me of him and making a joke.' he's read my message but hasn't replied, what should I do?
Hey Jane,
Send him a simple thank you if wishes you. If that's what you've decided, then you should move on in case he doesn't contact you on your birthday. That's what the no contact period is for. It gives you time to figure out what you want and what you won't accept.
Hi Kevin, I need your help! I was with my ex for five years and during that time we have had our ups and downs - also a few splits that lasted a few days. We are both in our late fourties and live quite a distance apart but were so in love. When we got back together she always said that she had tried not to love me but her love for me was too strong. Our last split is now 53 days and I have done the 30 day rule but she contacted me on day 24 about a matter that she didn't have to?? I ignored it, was that her missing me? I have now sent her a text asking how she is doing? But she hasent replied, do I have a chance of getting her back? People that know us always say that we are meant to be together and what a good couple we make. I miss her so much!
Hi Kevin, I've had devastating news today ! The day started out by a friend of my ex phoning me about a matter not involving my ex, but the conversation did turn towards our split and the friend that obviously isn't that close to my ex ?encouraging me to get in touch with her and telling her how much she means to me, as she had seen her a few weeks ago and the friend had said that my ex was missing me and that she has lost weight due to the split? So I built up the courage to write a text telling her how much I love and miss her!! The return text was devastating as she told me she had moved on and was seeing another man. My world has been shattered! Obviously the weight loss has been to impress her new man. I do believe that she has been seeing this man since our split nine weeks ago but has kept it from her friends, only telling them how I have let her down so she looks to be the victim in all of this. What do I do now?? I want her back but don't think it is ever going to happen now!
Hey Terry,
Sorry about what happened. Well, first of all accept the possibility that you may never get her back. Do you still want to try and spend more time pursuing her? If so, then start no contact all over again. This time, skip the letter, and send her the text mentioned in the article. Approach her as a friend, and build attraction from there.
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me. I know that I may of lost her forever but I still love her but don't know what to do for the best. I just can't believe that she could have moved on so quickly!? We had so much in common she often said things like " we had been together in a past life and we were meant to be together". I just feel that I should try and get her back somehow.
I do love her, do you think that she still thinks about us? Could this be a rebound?
I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is so hard going from being so in love to loosing her, going from texting and phoning every day to no contact at all. And the worst thing of all is knowing that someone else is doing the things that I used to do with her. My friend thinks that she will realise in a few months what we had was special and contact me ? I really hope so. In the past she has ended relationships after a few months, our relationship has lasted the longest five years.
Yes, there is a possibility that it's a rebound. But you should first accept the fact that you may never get her back and be OK with it.
I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is so hard going from being so in love to loosing her, going from texting and phoning every day to no contact at all. And the worst thing of all is knowing that someone else is doing the things that I used to do with her. My friend thinks that she will realise in a few months what we had was special and contact me ? I really hope so. In the past she has ended relationships after a few months, our relationship has lasted the longest five years.
Yes, there is a possibility that it's a rebound. But you should first accept the fact that you may never get her back and be OK with it.
I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is so hard going from being so in love to loosing her, going from texting and phoning every day to no contact at all. And the worst thing of all is knowing that someone else is doing the things that I used to do with her. My friend thinks that she will realise in a few months what we had was special and contact me ? I really hope so. In the past she has ended relationships after a few months, our relationship has lasted the longest five years.
Yes, there is a possibility that it's a rebound. But you should first accept the fact that you may never get her back and be OK with it.
I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is so hard going from being so in love to loosing her, going from texting and phoning every day to no contact at all. And the worst thing of all is knowing that someone else is doing the things that I used to do with her. My friend thinks that she will realise in a few months what we had was special and contact me ? I really hope so. In the past she has ended relationships after a few months, our relationship has lasted the longest five years.
Yes, there is a possibility that it's a rebound. But you should first accept the fact that you may never get her back and be OK with it.
I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is so hard going from being so in love to loosing her, going from texting and phoning every day to no contact at all. And the worst thing of all is knowing that someone else is doing the things that I used to do with her. My friend thinks that she will realise in a few months what we had was special and contact me ? I really hope so. In the past she has ended relationships after a few months, our relationship has lasted the longest five years.
Yes, there is a possibility that it's a rebound. But you should first accept the fact that you may never get her back and be OK with it.
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me. I know that I may of lost her forever but I still love her but don't know what to do for the best. I just can't believe that she could have moved on so quickly!? We had so much in common she often said things like " we had been together in a past life and we were meant to be together". I just feel that I should try and get her back somehow.
I do love her, do you think that she still thinks about us? Could this be a rebound?
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me. I know that I may of lost her forever but I still love her but don't know what to do for the best. I just can't believe that she could have moved on so quickly!? We had so much in common she often said things like " we had been together in a past life and we were meant to be together". I just feel that I should try and get her back somehow.
I do love her, do you think that she still thinks about us? Could this be a rebound?
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me. I know that I may of lost her forever but I still love her but don't know what to do for the best. I just can't believe that she could have moved on so quickly!? We had so much in common she often said things like " we had been together in a past life and we were meant to be together". I just feel that I should try and get her back somehow.
I do love her, do you think that she still thinks about us? Could this be a rebound?
Hi Kevin, I'm in a bad place right now. You say in your subscription site that its all about timming- I think I have missed that time! My ex has moved on and does not want to know me anymore. Where did I go wrong ?? I'm lonely and depressed I can't eat or sleep and have lost 20 lbs in weight, what do I do next?
Hey Terry,
Sorry about what happened. Well, first of all accept the possibility that you may never get her back. Do you still want to try and spend more time pursuing her? If so, then start no contact all over again. This time, skip the letter, and send her the text mentioned in the article. Approach her as a friend, and build attraction from there.
Hi Kevin, I'm in a bad place right now. You say in your subscription site that its all about timming- I think I have missed that time! My ex has moved on and does not want to know me anymore. Where did I go wrong ?? I'm lonely and depressed I can't eat or sleep and have lost 20 lbs in weight, what do I do next?
Hey Terry,
Sorry about what happened. Well, first of all accept the possibility that you may never get her back. Do you still want to try and spend more time pursuing her? If so, then start no contact all over again. This time, skip the letter, and send her the text mentioned in the article. Approach her as a friend, and build attraction from there.
Hi Kevin, I'm in a bad place right now. You say in your subscription site that its all about timming- I think I have missed that time! My ex has moved on and does not want to know me anymore. Where did I go wrong ?? I'm lonely and depressed I can't eat or sleep and have lost 20 lbs in weight, what do I do next?
Yes, you do have a chance. Wait another week and then contact her using the letter.
Hi Kevin, I've had devastating news today ! The day started out by a friend of my ex phoning me about a matter not involving my ex, but the conversation did turn towards our split and the friend that obviously isn't that close to my ex ?encouraging me to get in touch with her and telling her how much she means to me, as she had seen her a few weeks ago and the friend had said that my ex was missing me and that she has lost weight due to the split? So I built up the courage to write a text telling her how much I love and miss her!! The return text was devastating as she told me she had moved on and was seeing another man. My world has been shattered! Obviously the weight loss has been to impress her new man. I do believe that she has been seeing this man since our split nine weeks ago but has kept it from her friends, only telling them how I have let her down so she looks to be the victim in all of this. What do I do now?? I want her back but don't think it is ever going to happen now!
Yes, you do have a chance. Wait another week and then contact her using the letter.
Hi Kevin. Question for you. How do we avoid the friend zone? After the break up my guy was calling every day to beg me to stay in his life as a friend (which of course I can't do). He said he no longer has feelings for me and that we will never be a couple. I thought it was strange that he was chasing me just to tell me this (essentially reject me). I have now stopped all contact abruptly. He texted twice and then stopped. It has been a week. So if after a month I tell him we can be friends would I not be giving him exactly what he begged for? I can't be friends with this guy. I am in love with him. Is this hopeless? Any advice? please?
Don't tell him directly you can be friends. Just get back in touch with him and act friendly. If you are forced to put a title on the relationship, then say you are friends. You are in the friendzone if he starts talking to you about other girls he is interested in and start asking you advice on what to do in his relationships. If it gets to that, just tell him you are not comfortable with these conversations and it's better if he discusses it with his other friends.
thanks for your reply Kevin. It means a lot to me. Sorry for the repost. I couldn't find my comment any more. It is a bit frustrating that even though he doesn't want me as a girlfriend he could absolutely not let me go and he was pursuing me to be my friend. Really weird. Starting no contact was hard but it is for the best. Once again thanks for everything. I find your site extremely helpful
thanks for your reply Kevin. It means a lot to me. Sorry for the repost. I couldn't find my comment any more. It is a bit frustrating that even though he doesn't want me as a girlfriend he could absolutely not let me go and he was pursuing me to be my friend. Really weird. Starting no contact was hard but it is for the best. Once again thanks for everything. I find your site extremely helpful
thanks for your reply Kevin. It means a lot to me. Sorry for the repost. I couldn't find my comment any more. It is a bit frustrating that even though he doesn't want me as a girlfriend he could absolutely not let me go and he was pursuing me to be my friend. Really weird. Starting no contact was hard but it is for the best. Once again thanks for everything. I find your site extremely helpful
Don't tell him directly you can be friends. Just get back in touch with him and act friendly. If you are forced to put a title on the relationship, then say you are friends. You are in the friendzone if he starts talking to you about other girls he is interested in and start asking you advice on what to do in his relationships. If it gets to that, just tell him you are not comfortable with these conversations and it's better if he discusses it with his other friends.
Hi, me and my ex broke up a month ago because I found out he was cheating on me. Our relationship has always been up and down but we have been through so much together. When I found out at work I abused him in front of everyone because the girl he was cheating on me with is from work also. We were fighting a lot in the period because it's been hard we both had to move back to our parents house and I had some family issues. We would of been together for 3 years this month. Do you think this is just a rebound, they have nothing in common and she is known to be a flirt with everyone at work and slept around on her ex boyfriend too. My ex won't talk to me. But he hates showing his feelings. The day before I found out he was seeing this other girl he said he would always love me but it's easier to not talk. Is he just trying to get with this girl to try and get over me and hurt my feelings. If I act happy and he sees I'm happy will he miss me? I need some help because I want to know if this is the real deal or just a rebound.
It's most probably a rebound. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
It's most probably a rebound. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
Hi Kevin ,
Me again I asked you about 5 days ago to help me with my relationship would you email me or comment back please ASAP !!!
Hey Luke,
I can't find your comment. Sorry, it must have been marked as spam. Please comment again and make sure you read the comment guidelines before you post it.
Hey Luke,
I can't find your comment. Sorry, it must have been marked as spam. Please comment again and make sure you read the comment guidelines before you post it.
Hi Kevin,
So my ex and I broke up almost a week ago. I realize that I was very controlling and manipulative during the relationship because of codependency problems and love addiction (I keep jumping from relationship to relationship). I have a fear of intimacy and many insecurities that I know I need to work on. The end of our relationship was incredibly difficult because there was constant fighting and it was very stressful. I apologized to him for my behavior throughout our relationship because I realize that in many ways, I am at fault (and he apologized for it first, so I felt obligated to let him know it's not his fault and he shouldn't feel bad).
He was very nervous about making sure we stay friends, because he really cares about me (I'm his best friend). We've known each other for 4 years, but dated for 7 months or so. Anyways, he messaged me earlier today and we spoke for about two hours. At first, it was a fun, friendly conversation as we used to have when we were friends. However, then I started asking him what he was doing this summer, and if he would be willing to do things with me. He says he wants to remain platonic. I asked him if he still had feelings for me, and he said that he did, but he wants to keep them at bay because of the recent experience with our break up and the constant stress he felt. He says he doesn't want to fall into the trap again and repeat the whole cycle all over again. I asked him if he would get back with me after I got better, and he said no. He doesn't want to be with me in the immediate future. He also doesn't want me to think that he's some reward after I've improved myself. I really want to be with him. He said that he doesn't know right now, but he doesn't want to do anything other than "just be friends" this summer because he's afraid of being in a relationship with me again; he wants to avoid the pain. He seems very calm and collected for someone who's going through his first breakup, and he's been very positive. He tells me about how he also enjoys being single because he can live his life the way he wants to without having to worry. He's very emotionally controlled and strong, and he even refused me when I suggested we could just be friends with benefits and have what we used to like last summer (he said that he knows himself and if we introduce that again, he will have difficulty not falling into the temptation of wanting to be with me again). I realize that I made many mistakes and that I need to start a no contact period with him so I can stop obsessing and work on myself. However, I'm also worried that even after I get better, he won't want to be with me anymore. Like he said, "no guarantees." He also said he doesn't want to be in a relationship for a while, and he's not the type to chase after girls or seek out a rebound relationship, so I know he won't. But he wants to be single, and I want to win him back...what else do you suggest? I'm feel really worried right now because even though he said he still has some feelings inside for me, that might change. And he may decide it is best for us not to be in a relationship again in the future, and say "no" to me. He says that he doesn't want me to think that he will wait for me and be there for me as if we were taking a "break" because he doesn't want to hurt me if he chooses that it's best not to. I know it's a bad idea to try to seduce him, so I won't. But I want to change and I want him to want me back. How do I get him back after I've made these mistakes and he's saying he wants to be single? He sounds so happy about it too...he says that though he feels lonely sometimes, he enjoys his own company and likes himself and doesn't want to be with me. I feel like he's not really going through much pain right now, but I want him back eventually. I know him pretty well, and I know he's very controlled and mature when it comes to being rational and not letting emotional decisions take over, but I fear that I lost all of my chances with him.
Hey Jenn,
There is really nothing you can do accept apply no contact and improve yourself. I know you have a fear that you might not get him even after that, but that's a fear that is coming out of your codependency. If you actually work on your issues, you will realize that even if he doesn't come back, you'll still be OK. Whenever you contact him after no contact, just make sure you don't mention getting back together. Let it be his idea.
Hey Jenn,
There is really nothing you can do accept apply no contact and improve yourself. I know you have a fear that you might not get him even after that, but that's a fear that is coming out of your codependency. If you actually work on your issues, you will realize that even if he doesn't come back, you'll still be OK. Whenever you contact him after no contact, just make sure you don't mention getting back together. Let it be his idea.
No response yet
Kevin
I'm 41 and my wife is 33 we have been together for 8 and I have a step son 10 . We have spilt up in mid January and have went thought no contact expend about see the boy. Now we have talk here and there about her coming home, but the the next time we talk she say she not ready to and she goes back and froths about how she feels it depends who's around so what do I do from here? She as a mental disorder and I just not ready to give up on her yet how do I make this work? Thanks james
I am sorry you are going through this James. Is she getting help for her condition? If not there is nothing you can do unless she decides to get help herself.
I think the best thing for you to do is give her a few months. You should speak to a lawyer to see if you can take any legal action regarding the well being of your son.
Kevin
I just found out that my wife is on a dating site and but she has been saying she wants to stay married but not ready to come home. I have made mistakes but I just don't like being lied to.
Kevin thanks I have talk with a lawyer because I'm not his biological father there is nothing I can do. She is only taking meds and not talk to anyone about it. She say it's under control but it not. Thanks I really want to make my marriage to work. I have been working on myself and trying to have little contacted. Thanks again james
Kevin
I just found out that my wife is on a dating site and but she has been saying she wants to stay married but not ready to come home. I have made mistakes but I just don't like being lied to.
Kevin thanks I have talk with a lawyer because I'm not his biological father there is nothing I can do. She is only taking meds and not talk to anyone about it. She say it's under control but it not. Thanks I really want to make my marriage to work. I have been working on myself and trying to have little contacted. Thanks again james
Kevin
I just found out that my wife is on a dating site and but she has been saying she wants to stay married but not ready to come home. I have made mistakes but I just don't like being lied to.
Kevin thanks I have talk with a lawyer because I'm not his biological father there is nothing I can do. She is only taking meds and not talk to anyone about it. She say it's under control but it not. Thanks I really want to make my marriage to work. I have been working on myself and trying to have little contacted. Thanks again james
I am sorry you are going through this James. Is she getting help for her condition? If not there is nothing you can do unless she decides to get help herself.
I think the best thing for you to do is give her a few months. You should speak to a lawyer to see if you can take any legal action regarding the well being of your son.
hi
thank you for this guide, i hope it works for me.
but my situation is unclear so i will love your thoughts about it:
my girlfriend broke up with me after 2 years. during the 2 years period we lived together for 1.5 years.
i am 33 years old, she is 23 years old.
in spite the age differences we had great love and everything seemed to be working really good.
a couple of months ago she broke up with me , telling me she feels that she wants to explore life more, try new things, maybe travel, maybe traveling , but then after 1 week she came back because she loved me and wanted to try regardless of her wishes , of course i offered her my full support with whatever she want to do and will try to be by her side and will not let the relationship stand in her way.
since then time went by and a week ago i got home from work and she broke up with me ,it was a complete surprise for me as things where going really good.
this time she tole me that she cannot escape her desire to be alone, she is maybe thinking on going to live in a different country, maybe she will start her degree in a far place, she want to try new things, to just be by herself and search inside her soul what she really wants. she does not know how much time it will take, maybe 6 months , maybe 1 year, maybe 2...
after the brake up she moved back to her parents house and we scheduled to meet up and finish the relationship with a good talk.
she asked me not to ask for her to stay because she is determined.
last night 5 days after the brake up, we met at my flat. we drank wine, talked about the past , complimented each other, i told he i believe in her and i thank her for everything. she told me im amazing and if she was a little older there is no way she would have let me go we laughed and when i told her that i am not going to ask her to stay because im 33 and want stability in my life she started to cry after much wine and talking we went to bed and had amazing sex, out of control and full with passion.
then she left , i texted her that i had a great time, and she answered that she had a great time and that she is happy we met and left a sweet memory from this realansioship.
after all of this.. do you think there is a chance for a comeback? i love her so much, i think that she loves me as well , she say she does but im not sure if out of habit or real love.
you think that if i wait 1 month and get back in touch with her maybe she realise by then she made a mistake?
what should i do?
thanks.
If you follow the plan, there is definitely a chance she will come back. But I recommend you give her at least 5-6 months to explore herself. If you don't she will always have this at the back of her mind and she will never be 100% committed to you.
thank you for the reply kevin!
there is a recent devolopment:
she called me sunday night, crying, telling me she is coming to pick all her stuff tommorrow (yestrday) , i was cool during the conversation, and she asked me how i am doing, telling me its hard for her, and saking me how was my day and other questions..
after 40 minutes talk i did a mistake and asked her if she want me to come and pick her up for a sleep over. she said its very tempting but she cant and then said she will come tusday night (tonight).
yestrday she picked all of her stuff , i was at work , she called me after telling me she left the key and took everything, i asked if we are meeting today and she said it will not be good for her but she will come on friday night, i ansewrd her that if she does not want to come i will dont want it to be out of preusure or somthing . and she said that she wants to come.
i want to see her and be with her (yes also sex). but i feel that maybe she it will make like more easy for her and not for me... mabye it will help her gradully move on instead of doing it in one go.
or maybe im wrong, and meeting her having a nice date fun time , great sex will give me back a chance of winning her over?
im confused , please tell me what you think.
i want to get her back.. and want to do the maximum i can for it .
thank you!
As long as you don't show any signs of neediness, you will not make it easier for her to move on.
As long as you don't show any signs of neediness, you will not make it easier for her to move on.
As long as you don't show any signs of neediness, you will not make it easier for her to move on.
As long as you don't show any signs of neediness, you will not make it easier for her to move on.
thank you for the reply kevin!
there is a recent devolopment:
she called me sunday night, crying, telling me she is coming to pick all her stuff tommorrow (yestrday) , i was cool during the conversation, and she asked me how i am doing, telling me its hard for her, and saking me how was my day and other questions..
after 40 minutes talk i did a mistake and asked her if she want me to come and pick her up for a sleep over. she said its very tempting but she cant and then said she will come tusday night (tonight).
yestrday she picked all of her stuff , i was at work , she called me after telling me she left the key and took everything, i asked if we are meeting today and she said it will not be good for her but she will come on friday night, i ansewrd her that if she does not want to come i will dont want it to be out of preusure or somthing . and she said that she wants to come.
i want to see her and be with her (yes also sex). but i feel that maybe she it will make like more easy for her and not for me... mabye it will help her gradully move on instead of doing it in one go.
or maybe im wrong, and meeting her having a nice date fun time , great sex will give me back a chance of winning her over?
im confused , please tell me what you think.
i want to get her back.. and want to do the maximum i can for it .
thank you!
thank you for the reply kevin!
there is a recent devolopment:
she called me sunday night, crying, telling me she is coming to pick all her stuff tommorrow (yestrday) , i was cool during the conversation, and she asked me how i am doing, telling me its hard for her, and saking me how was my day and other questions..
after 40 minutes talk i did a mistake and asked her if she want me to come and pick her up for a sleep over. she said its very tempting but she cant and then said she will come tusday night (tonight).
yestrday she picked all of her stuff , i was at work , she called me after telling me she left the key and took everything, i asked if we are meeting today and she said it will not be good for her but she will come on friday night, i ansewrd her that if she does not want to come i will dont want it to be out of preusure or somthing . and she said that she wants to come.
i want to see her and be with her (yes also sex). but i feel that maybe she it will make like more easy for her and not for me... mabye it will help her gradully move on instead of doing it in one go.
or maybe im wrong, and meeting her having a nice date fun time , great sex will give me back a chance of winning her over?
im confused , please tell me what you think.
i want to get her back.. and want to do the maximum i can for it .
thank you!
If you follow the plan, there is definitely a chance she will come back. But I recommend you give her at least 5-6 months to explore herself. If you don't she will always have this at the back of her mind and she will never be 100% committed to you.
Hi
My bf and I broke up I think a month ago ..we havent had much contact but I called him 2weeks ago because he was in a car accident. We were together for 3 year and I really love him. We didnt speak for so long and last night I recived a text from him . He asked some general stuff and the told me he was thinking abut me ..... what do I do I really love him? Please help?
Tell him you need some space and time right now and then follow the 5 step plan.
Tell him you need some space and time right now and then follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin
Many thanks,I asked my partner of 3 years to leave 2 weeks ago for cheating,we have been on the rollercoaster of hes sorry etc and I have strong days and weak days,I am committed to the NC for 30 days but my question is 1. how do I respond if he texts about household stuff or joint business as we lived together, 2.also he has stated on Facebook that he is in a relationship(something I wanted but never pushed) and messaged me to say its me and he will prove his committment to change whats this about
thank you
Did he put "in a relationship" on facebook for you? That's a pretty good sign that he wants you back. If he contacts you regarding household or business stuff, you'll have to reply if it's important. If it's not, let him know that you need space and time and he shouldn't contact you for a while.
Did he put "in a relationship" on facebook for you? That's a pretty good sign that he wants you back. If he contacts you regarding household or business stuff, you'll have to reply if it's important. If it's not, let him know that you need space and time and he shouldn't contact you for a while.
Hey,
I'm really missing my ex-girlfriend, we've broke up at 14 of February and I couldn't find out the reason of our break up yet, she refused the valentine gift, I've tried to contact her that day but nope.. she ignored my texts/calls, I got so upset and I had to break up with her, I think this was her choice.
We never had any problem before, I've spent days and nights thinking what I did wrong but I just can't find anything, probably she's just bored of me or dunno..
After we broke up, I contacted her after a week or more, I just wanted to know how is she doing and such.. and after that she didn't even look after me till her birthday came (a month later), I was holding myself to not wish her a happy birthday cause she doesn't even look after me, but I couldn't handle it, I wrote her a text at night and I apologized for being late. She replied on that text but I didn't text her back.
Now I really want to get back with her, I mean I meet her sometimes at high school but we just smile at each others and continue our way, we didn't spoke IRL after we broke up.
So yeah, it's pretty messed up, but could you please help me Kevin? I mean could you give me some suggestions of what to do to get her back?
Thanks.
Just follow the plan Edward. Everything you need is in the article. She is young and confused and so are you. I'll suggest you at least date a few other girls before you try to get back with her.
Just follow the plan Edward. Everything you need is in the article. She is young and confused and so are you. I'll suggest you at least date a few other girls before you try to get back with her.
Hi Kevin,
Am feeling quite low and confused and haven't written to anyone before. My ex and I have been on/off for 18months. In November he ended things saying he wasn't ready for the commitment, but it was his best friend and he didn't want to loose me. Since then he blows hot and cold practically every week. Sometimes I get nice messages, sometimes horrible ones....sometimes none at all. He's 23 and I'm 26. Part of me feels right guy wrong time. I get the impression he's a bit freaked out about how he feels (hence th hot and cold). My question is, as I think he now be seeing someone new / talking to a few girls....as this has been going on for so long, if I do start 30 days no contact as of now, do I stand a chance of him coming back? Or have I lost him for good? I really could do with some direction and a plan rather than this feeling of being lost and confused. Please help! Kirsty
Hi Kevin..
i did all mistakes that u listed above..Plz help me to get back my ex..she started a new relation..but now she had break up..i texted her on regular basis..but she not repliy,,...if i follow all ur steps now..at this stage.. are they working?
Yes, they will work.
Yes, they will work.
Yes, they will work.
Yes, you have a chance if you start no contact. Even if you stay in touch with him, he is going to continue talking to those girls, so don't try to stop him from doing that.
Hi Kevin..
i did all mistakes that u listed above..Plz help me to get back my ex..she started a new relation..but now she had break up..i texted her on regular basis..but she not repliy,,...if i follow all ur steps now..at this stage.. are they working?
Yes, you have a chance if you start no contact. Even if you stay in touch with him, he is going to continue talking to those girls, so don't try to stop him from doing that.
hi! i've been in a good relationship for 1yr and 8 mos.but after a month everythings change 360 degrees. just last month, my ex broke up with me. he said he just need space to resolve some family prob and if everything will go right he will come back..after the break up,i confess that i become needy and clingy bcoz i want to patch things up. i plead, i beg him but he just said he need some space. but after some days i learned that he was already with someone which i think he's already flirting with this girl before the break up. the girl happens to be his colleage. i don't know if it is considered as a rebound.some how we still have communication after the break up bcoz for now we agreed to be friends but when the new girl intrude i stop contacting my ex. and change my number.im now on NC for 1 week. i still dont know what to do? i still want him to be back ... is he on a rebound now?do i still have a chance even he already have a new girl? pls help..
He is probably on a rebound. Continue no contact and read the 5 step plan. You do have a chance.
He is probably on a rebound. Continue no contact and read the 5 step plan. You do have a chance.
Hey,
My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago, and during that month were apart I have violated maybe 3 out 5 of of the 5 step plan, now she blocked me on her phone she's dating some other guy. I started the NC about 2 days ago. What now?
Follow the rest of the plan. Contact her again after a month.
Follow the rest of the plan. Contact her again after a month.
I have fallen in love with a man I'm scared I'm gonna lose him forever he started dating someone but never stopped seeing me he calls checks on me he makes time to see me he asks me to send him pics bc he misses me but recently he just told me he's moving in with her after only dating 8 months n has not stopped seeing me he tells me he loves me and wants me in his life how can he want me in his life but be moving in with someone else he tells me he loves me we have been thru a lot together he's someone that's very special to me n I'm scared I'm gonna lose him forever i never pushed him to be with me bc I didn't think he would leave me he never was someone to rush into anything he has been hurt in the past I'm stunned he's moving in so quickly with this girl why not me after so long he got upset that other man were calling me even after he told me about his move do u think I have lost him forever ? Do u think I stand a chance? Please help I really need advice
You do stand a chance but only if you cut all contact with him for a month and go on a few dates during that time. He wants to keep you as his backup for as long as he wants. You have to stand up for yourself and refuse to be his backup. Follow the 5 step plan.
You do stand a chance but only if you cut all contact with him for a month and go on a few dates during that time. He wants to keep you as his backup for as long as he wants. You have to stand up for yourself and refuse to be his backup. Follow the 5 step plan.
My ex and I ended our 2 month relationship recently. We flirted about 3 months before we get together. During that period everything was nice and sweet although he did complained about me replying him very slowly, bad temper and also not smiling to him or say hi when I see him around campus. To simplify things, he ignored me and talk to me again for about 2 times before we officially get together. He confessed that he had a very bad past and he wants me to know it so that I can choose to stay with him or leave. I turn things around by telling him how I feel about him and asked him to make his decision. We got together and the first month we were really happy together. He motivated me a lot and I was always there to listen to his thoughts. Mind you we didn’t expose our relationship to anyone but people could see it by the way we communicate in campus. So after our first month together, things changed. He started ignoring me again saying he’s busy. I didn’t question much as I know he really is having a busy week coming up. Slowly my thoughts also changed and I went up to him several times to clear things and make our relationship work. But the last time I went he told me that he’s afraid of my bad temper. Put it his way, he heard about a friend arguing with the girlfriend and she threw a knife at him. And he didn’t want this to be a habit. Yes the last few times I was with him I did throw my temper at him. I asked him whether he loved me, love me still and whether I have a place in his heart, he said yes but my bad temper is not what he wants. He also said I could always go to him to tell my problems and he’ll always be there to listen and give advice. He even still care for me asking me to not skip meals and always be careful when I’m alone. He even cries in front of me when telling me what went wrong. Argh… what does this mean? Is there still a chance for us to be together?
I think he is just making up excuses because he is not ready for a committed relationship. I might be wrong about this though. You do have a chance. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't read it already.
I think he is just making up excuses because he is not ready for a committed relationship. I might be wrong about this though. You do have a chance. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't read it already.
im sean, a 23 year old working boy dating a 21 year old college girl . but now my gf broke up with me due to that i could not tolerate and be supportive to her college activities . she said that she has no more feeling towards me. she was darn busy ever since she join the activities until that 1 day i got mad and i scolded her terribly. after that, i did actually beg her to come back to me and she gave me 1 last chance . 2 days later she said that she decided to let it go, the feeling was not rite anymore. Its been 3 weeks i did not contact her until last fri on the 4th april 2014 i gave her a call and ask to meet up dat nite at my house. she agreed but she ask 1 of my best friend and so called her "brother" from another mother to tag along....so once they arrive, i did ask her couple of question regarding on our relationship. it looks to me that she had decided to move on .. and i could see the way she talks to me very diff from the way that she talk to my best friend.. its like im being ignored.. non existing anymore.. Before the break up or during our relationship , there were not that close but after that things change. later on, i gave her a hand written letter that i wrote and a necklace that i made by myself . she was like darn cold and non responsive at all. thus, im not sure whether she read the letter or not .. need ur advice .. should i just move on?? or should i start over the 5-step plan again? should i start over the no contact rule?? i dont seem to want to lose this girl ><
Well Sean,
At this point I'll recommend you should move on. You shouldn't have given her a necklace with the letter. It defeats the purpose of the letter. I don't think you actually followed the 5 step plan. If you decide to pursue her again, start no contact again, and this time use the texts.
kelvin,
Ok thanks.. and i just want to ask your opinion. On this 20th april 2014 there is a blood donation event coming up.. and im going for that donation which she will be attending too.. how am i suppose to face her when i decide to pursue her again? i already started to apply the no contact rule 2 days back.
Just be pleasant around her and if you speak to her, keep the conversation short. Treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
kelvin,
okie thank you very much ... so kelvin, the hand written letter that i wrote to her was kinda failure.. but this time u ask me to use text after NO contact rule, and what content im suppose to write in the text ?? >< any clue or examples??
Use the texts in the article.
Use the texts in the article.
Use the texts in the article.
Use the texts in the article.
Use the texts in the article.
Use the texts in the article.
kelvin,
okie thank you very much ... so kelvin, the hand written letter that i wrote to her was kinda failure.. but this time u ask me to use text after NO contact rule, and what content im suppose to write in the text ?? >< any clue or examples??
kelvin,
okie thank you very much ... so kelvin, the hand written letter that i wrote to her was kinda failure.. but this time u ask me to use text after NO contact rule, and what content im suppose to write in the text ?? >< any clue or examples??
kelvin,
okie thank you very much ... so kelvin, the hand written letter that i wrote to her was kinda failure.. but this time u ask me to use text after NO contact rule, and what content im suppose to write in the text ?? >< any clue or examples??
kelvin,
okie thank you very much ... so kelvin, the hand written letter that i wrote to her was kinda failure.. but this time u ask me to use text after NO contact rule, and what content im suppose to write in the text ?? >< any clue or examples??
Just be pleasant around her and if you speak to her, keep the conversation short. Treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
Just be pleasant around her and if you speak to her, keep the conversation short. Treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
Just be pleasant around her and if you speak to her, keep the conversation short. Treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
kelvin,
Ok thanks.. and i just want to ask your opinion. On this 20th april 2014 there is a blood donation event coming up.. and im going for that donation which she will be attending too.. how am i suppose to face her when i decide to pursue her again? i already started to apply the no contact rule 2 days back.
kelvin,
Ok thanks.. and i just want to ask your opinion. On this 20th april 2014 there is a blood donation event coming up.. and im going for that donation which she will be attending too.. how am i suppose to face her when i decide to pursue her again? i already started to apply the no contact rule 2 days back.
Well Sean,
At this point I'll recommend you should move on. You shouldn't have given her a necklace with the letter. It defeats the purpose of the letter. I don't think you actually followed the 5 step plan. If you decide to pursue her again, start no contact again, and this time use the texts.
Hey Kevin, I have an interesting situation. A guy who asked me out but I could not go out with because I was getting a divorce. I told the new guy I didn't want to get him involved as my ex was a little off in the head. Now, when ever I seen this guy he gets all upset. He throws his arms in the air and stomps off. Then, when I leave the store or where ever this happens, hes sitting off watching what I am doing as I leave. He never speaks and when I try to speak to him he acts all childish. So, I told him to stop acting like a baby. Now, he waits to get pissed when he thinks I can't see him. I would like this to stop. Any suggestions on how to iron this out?
Do you want to be with this guy? If you do want to be with him, just tell him clearly what you feel and what you expect. If he still acts immature, then you are better off without him.
Do you want to be with this guy? If you do want to be with him, just tell him clearly what you feel and what you expect. If he still acts immature, then you are better off without him.
Kevin,
I know it probably doesn't mean anything, but I'm on day 4 on no contact and my ex just texted me this. "I know you probably don't want to hear from me after that phone call, but I just wanted to make sure you're ok. I'm sorry if I'm waking you or if you're out and I'm bothering you.This is really hard & I'm sorry. Don't know what it means. Need advice
She is just feeling guilty. Doesn't really mean anything. Don't reply and follow the plan.
She is just feeling guilty. Doesn't really mean anything. Don't reply and follow the plan.
what if during the time of thew no contact rule your ex keeps constantly calling you and texting you and looking for ways to talk to you and he starts telling you he "freaking love"s you and saying he doesn't know why he broke up with you since he still loves you and sends you a long letter and asks you to please give him another chance ?and etc but the 30 days haven't ended and while ignoring him you see him cry for you and since i have to see him everyday since we go to school together and have one class together everyday and he just happens to show up everywhere im at while im ignoring him...then what should i do???
If you want to get back together, then talk to him. But don't give in to it immediately. Play it cool and make sure he really means it and he is not doing it simply because he misses you.
If you want to get back together, then talk to him. But don't give in to it immediately. Play it cool and make sure he really means it and he is not doing it simply because he misses you.
Hi Kevin, my girlfriend and I had a break up but I begged to give me last chance. I begged and begged... then she accepted me. Before it happened, she has lots of problems. The morning before our fight, i stalked her on twitter and found out that she's already awake and still not yet texting me. I messaged her for about 4 messages, an interval 5min each message. Then she replied angrily and said she wants to be alone and want her space back. She had said too many and at the end of it was about breaking up.
Now, she's on her OJT, and we're far from each other. We're still in a relationship but everything is cold. I don't know what to do until I read your article. I was on my Day 3, should I continue the No contact rule? she texted me only once and said she watched a heartbreaking movie and made her sad. I didn't reply her, is it okay? I need your help. Thankss
If you're already together, don't apply no contact. You need to stop being needy and still be in touch with her. Just be a pleasant person. If you think you need some space and time, tell her you need some time and keep no contact for a week.
If you're already together, don't apply no contact. You need to stop being needy and still be in touch with her. Just be a pleasant person. If you think you need some space and time, tell her you need some time and keep no contact for a week.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for this program. I signed up hoping to improve myself and maybe not go after my ex-GF...
It's now 4 days after breakup.
1. Could a girl do breakup to test you out? Because I told her I sometimes feel numb for her...this numb/doubt might come from within myself (self worth, first time, afraid, high expectations, etc...but I always instantly smiled when we met...).
Actually this went really stupid. She gave me some alone-time to think. When after 3 days I realized I wanted to continue with her, she broke up... I can't remember if I told her I totally wanted to go for us because I froze when she told me.
As reason for breakup she said I need to improve myself because currently I make her unhappy.
I feel like she might want me back when I'm 'patched up' but this feels cheap because one week earlier she said she even 'want to stay with me if I ever become disabled...'
2. One day after breakup she texted me 'she hopes I understand why she did this and she still loves me 'unconditionally.'' I really don't understand this because she clearly states conditions...
3. During no contact...is a Whatsapp status update allowed? I guess not.
Thanks & Regards!
Nightly.
1. Yes. It's not a sign of a healthy relationship, but yes they do.
2. She doesn't want you to move on, it seems.
3. I guess it's allowed as long as you are not trying to send an indirect message to your ex by changing your status.
Hey Kevin,
1. What exact strategy do you suggest?
Because, if she actually is testing and I do no contact...and she is like 'I try no contact to see if he really misses me' then we both miss the boat or not?
3. Concerning Whatsapp status...I already entered one indirect message on breakupday, but changed it the day after to a (non-needy) motivator. :)
Best regards & thanks again!
Nightly.
1.You should contact her after no contact is over. So, you won't miss the boat.
2. That's alright. Just don't do it again.
Ok Kevin thank you!
I'm working on self improvement really hard! Chances are I won't contact her after no contact.
Good luck to everyone who wants their ex back, I feel your pain.
I wish you the best Nightly.
I wish you the best Nightly.
I wish you the best Nightly.
I wish you the best Nightly.
I wish you the best Nightly.
I wish you the best Nightly.
Ok Kevin thank you!
I'm working on self improvement really hard! Chances are I won't contact her after no contact.
Good luck to everyone who wants their ex back, I feel your pain.
Ok Kevin thank you!
I'm working on self improvement really hard! Chances are I won't contact her after no contact.
Good luck to everyone who wants their ex back, I feel your pain.
Ok Kevin thank you!
I'm working on self improvement really hard! Chances are I won't contact her after no contact.
Good luck to everyone who wants their ex back, I feel your pain.
Ok Kevin thank you!
I'm working on self improvement really hard! Chances are I won't contact her after no contact.
Good luck to everyone who wants their ex back, I feel your pain.
1.You should contact her after no contact is over. So, you won't miss the boat.
2. That's alright. Just don't do it again.
1.You should contact her after no contact is over. So, you won't miss the boat.
2. That's alright. Just don't do it again.
1.You should contact her after no contact is over. So, you won't miss the boat.
2. That's alright. Just don't do it again.
Hey Kevin,
1. What exact strategy do you suggest?
Because, if she actually is testing and I do no contact...and she is like 'I try no contact to see if he really misses me' then we both miss the boat or not?
3. Concerning Whatsapp status...I already entered one indirect message on breakupday, but changed it the day after to a (non-needy) motivator. :)
Best regards & thanks again!
Nightly.
Hey Kevin,
1. What exact strategy do you suggest?
Because, if she actually is testing and I do no contact...and she is like 'I try no contact to see if he really misses me' then we both miss the boat or not?
3. Concerning Whatsapp status...I already entered one indirect message on breakupday, but changed it the day after to a (non-needy) motivator. :)
Best regards & thanks again!
Nightly.
1. Yes. It's not a sign of a healthy relationship, but yes they do.
2. She doesn't want you to move on, it seems.
3. I guess it's allowed as long as you are not trying to send an indirect message to your ex by changing your status.
I was with a guy for a little over a year. During the entire time this guy acted like he absolutely adored me. Whenever we were together he was attached to me and believe me he initiated that - I wasn't clingy at all. We had so much fun together and never even had a single fight. For our 1-year anniversary I made him a photobook filled with all our pics together from the past year and wrote in it "hoping this is the first of many more happy years to come." About 2 weeks later he breaks up with me and tells me he doesn't see us ever getting married even though I never brought up the subject. It came out of nowhere and after he spent the entire weekend with me. That was 4 months ago. During this time I did not contsct him at all other than to wish him happy holidays and a happy birthday. He just emailed me out of the blue to check on me. I responded and he has responded back again. I'm waiting a day or so to respond back again. What steps should I take next? And should I even bother? He's 49, never been married, lives at home, and his longest relationship is 4 years....
Well, I think you should respond and then eventually setup a date. It seems he is interested again. It could be he is second guessing his decision.
Well, I think you should respond and then eventually setup a date. It seems he is interested again. It could be he is second guessing his decision.
two months ago,my boyfriend broke up with me after being together for one and a half year because we live in different towns and he told that I should focus on my career and not destroy everything for him. few days after the break up , he sent me a letter explaining the reasons of our break up and saying that he will always love,he will always have a photo of me in his pocket but he is not happy anymore. I texted a lot in order to convince him but i got no replies. I haven't sent him for a month. since we still live in different towns, do I have a chance?
Yes, send him the letter and then text him again.
Yes, send him the letter and then text him again.
Hi Kelvin,
I'm 25 and he's 30. When we got together he was already married for 2 years. We were together for a year and a half. Everything was well untill he accidentally got his wife pregnant back in September last year. Then he finally realize who he wanted to spend his life with which is me.. So he seek a lawyer for procedure of divorce and even churn out the documents of the assets for the lawyer to access. But when he broke the news of pregnancy to me I was lost and scared. He tried to convince me to stay with him but I'm not very sure how much can I trust him on this. At that down time, I had a guy friend which I was very close with who was always there for me, I then started lying about my whereabout to my boyfriend and he eventually found out and felt that I cheated on him. I decided to cut contact with the guy bcos I know my boyfriend was e person I really want to be with. But From that point onwards, he had trust issues with me which he kept to himself for 2 months. He feels secure with me but when we are not together, he went paranoid and thinking whatever I'm telling him is a lie. Slowly he find himself unable to trust me with whatever I say when I'm not physically with him.
He decided to give up the relationship 3 weeks ago. I tried whatever I can but he just can't see himself with me anymore. Ever since the breakup, we are still in contact via whatsapp and also meet up at least twice a week. I asked if he still loves me. He said he does but that doesn't mean he wants to get back together again. I really want to be with Him And we've worked so hard for it. But it just had to end due to the mistakes I've made . What should I Do to get him back?
You should follow the 5 step plan. Let him know you need time and space before starting no contact.
Hi kelvin, thank you for the reply.
Will leaving 30 days no contact rule give him space to build things with his wife?
As they are still staying together n baby is due in June.though he mentioned to me he just want to focus on getting his life back to track.. His work n the delivery of the baby.
It's a risk. But I think you should take it. Like you said, you've tried whatever you can, so you don't have any other option. If you tell him you need some space and time and you will contact him after a while, he will be looking forward to you getting back in touch and it will reduce the risk of him building things with his wife. But there will always be a risk even if you stay in touch with him.
It's a risk. But I think you should take it. Like you said, you've tried whatever you can, so you don't have any other option. If you tell him you need some space and time and you will contact him after a while, he will be looking forward to you getting back in touch and it will reduce the risk of him building things with his wife. But there will always be a risk even if you stay in touch with him.
It's a risk. But I think you should take it. Like you said, you've tried whatever you can, so you don't have any other option. If you tell him you need some space and time and you will contact him after a while, he will be looking forward to you getting back in touch and it will reduce the risk of him building things with his wife. But there will always be a risk even if you stay in touch with him.
It's a risk. But I think you should take it. Like you said, you've tried whatever you can, so you don't have any other option. If you tell him you need some space and time and you will contact him after a while, he will be looking forward to you getting back in touch and it will reduce the risk of him building things with his wife. But there will always be a risk even if you stay in touch with him.
Hi kelvin, thank you for the reply.
Will leaving 30 days no contact rule give him space to build things with his wife?
As they are still staying together n baby is due in June.though he mentioned to me he just want to focus on getting his life back to track.. His work n the delivery of the baby.
Hi kelvin, thank you for the reply.
Will leaving 30 days no contact rule give him space to build things with his wife?
As they are still staying together n baby is due in June.though he mentioned to me he just want to focus on getting his life back to track.. His work n the delivery of the baby.
You should follow the 5 step plan. Let him know you need time and space before starting no contact.
This is soo true esp step 5 I was recently dating someone thought he was my perfect guy! Then he said can we be friends for now as he has to move out of his home and couldn't give me his attention he said to stay in contact, a week later I texted him and said hi he replied but conversation was very short! So I thought right if he really is genuine he will contact me! A week later I didn't contact him it was tough I kept thinking shall I text him or not then all of sudden he texted me it was like we had both been thinking of each other at the same time! It's still not back on yet but I think if it's meant to be it's meant to be hopefully he won't keep me waiting too long :)
we were in a relationship since last 4 mnths he proposed me for marriage I said yes n we were so happy but out of no way he started ignoring me he used rep to my each txt after so much time even of he is online too....he never talk to me by himself only I was the one who txt him first and ask all about him, it was his brother wedding 2 week ago he was so busy n use to ignore me n even he didnt come online,he asked hos mother about our maariage last week n she said no he tried convincing her just once n he said me now we cnt get married ever forget me n move on
last night we had a break up n he said me to move on even i used to txt him more than 100 times a day n begged him not to leave me I cut my nerve n send him the pic but he was like sorry I cant do anything bye
now tell me wht should I do? I really love him n want him back,but after his mom said no he said of a breakup but even before that he was ignoring me since last mnth
Read the 5 step plan and follow it. And please don't do anything stupid like cutting yourself again. It's only going to hurt your chances of getting back together.
Read the 5 step plan and follow it. And please don't do anything stupid like cutting yourself again. It's only going to hurt your chances of getting back together.
Hey Kevin,
I was just wondering, do you have any success stories you could share ? Also how did you come up with this plan ?
Yes, I have a testimonials page over here. I read a lot of books on relationships, psychology, breakups, and even on getting your ex back. I had a website before this one that had an earlier version of this plan. It wasn't as detailed as this one but it got me a lot of feedback over the past two and a half years which helped in development of this plan and the articles on this website. And obviously, my own breakup had a role in all of this.
Yes, I have a testimonials page over here. I read a lot of books on relationships, psychology, breakups, and even on getting your ex back. I had a website before this one that had an earlier version of this plan. It wasn't as detailed as this one but it got me a lot of feedback over the past two and a half years which helped in development of this plan and the articles on this website. And obviously, my own breakup had a role in all of this.
Hi Kevin,
I know that you endorse Relationship Rewind so here's the question: Is it really useful? I'm really skeptical about this because of the comments of others and some reviews look too good to be true.
Here is also my sit rep. I met this girl sometime in January, we're both in college, and after a few weeks of knowing her I told her I liked her and she also told me back that she also liked me. This happened on February 10 which is also her birthday and the first time we kissed. She told me she can't have any relationships because of her promise to her deceased father but we still meet each other like we were couples. On March 9, I told her that I loved her. I know it looks too soon but I didn't like saying "I really like you" because it sounded plain. She didn't reply though but she was still happy about it. We were still together as usual and she was sometimes sweet by bringing me breakfast. It was the best feeling that I ever had. By this time we were on 2nd base. Then on March 21 we went to a party and I saw her text this guy which she told was her best friend(not gay), "You're the only one that I'm clingy with". So my natural response was being pissed but I didn't tell her so I drank my sorrows away then I got drunk. While I was drunk, she accidentally fell and she got really wounded. I got really pissed at myself for not catching her. So I told her I was really sorry but she replied that it wasn't my fault. So I assumed that everything was okay until March 23. She stopped replying by 7:30pm and I got really worried so I texted her if she was mad at me, I even told her I miss her. Then the next day, she texted me that she was really busy and said sorry but there was no emoticons in her text. So I went to the nearest flower shop and bought her flowers saying get well soon and I'm sorry. I thought everything was okay after I gave her flowers. Then on March 26 we talked about the situation of our relationship and she told me that she was now unsure of her feelings towards me but she also told me that there are no other guy she liked besides me. So I thought we were okay, I have never been so wrong in my life. Came the next day, we still had our routine dinner but this time she didn't want me to escort her going to the bus stop so I got pissed and walked out almost getting hit by a car. After I cooled down I asked her if I did something wrong then she replies with "sorry. goodnight". So I was really worried, so I texted her in the morning that I'm really sorry, If you still want to continue what we have I'm here for you. and so on. She replied later in the evening saying she was still unsure of her feelings and she needs time. Then on April 4, she gave me the talk. She was still unsure of her feelings but this time she told me that she likes me but as a friend. I thought I would really be devastated but I wasn't. It was like a heavy weight on my shoulders was lifted. So we said our goodbyes and hugged her for the last time saying I'll still wait for you but she told me not to though. haha. I thought I was fine, but boy I was wrong. She sent me a long letter in which she expounded on our talk awhile ago. I'll just summarize her letter, She told me that she wasn't really good in confrontation and that what she said was still not enough. Her feelings started to juggle when she heard me say I love you, and also stated that she wanted to tell me too but never delivered. She thought about why she didn't tell me and told me her feeling hasn't developed yet. She also stated that maybe she was afraid of having deeper feelings towards another person but it may be different for me. She said that she felt happy so planned on still staying with me. Then as time progressed her feelings diminished and her exact words were: " the longer we spent time with each other, the more and more I felt indifferent. I know this seems unfair, you never once failed to make me feel loved. But I know deep inside me that if I ever do continue on with our relationship, I will only make things worse and will probably end up hurting you even more. That's why I've decided to end it earlier. I'm really sorry." She told me that she really liked me and she was genuine in our relationship. Then she told me all the things that she loved about me. She said that "God knows I've tried my best to keep the love alive. But it just wasn't there. Once I'm certain of my own feelings, there's nothing I can really do to change it." She even called her self an a*****e for giving me less than what I deserved. And ended it by saying that she hopes that I'll find someone better and she would always be there for me. From this point, I haven't replied. I also forgot to mention that I met with her mother and she gave me the talk on Valentines. I went to her place to give cupcake flowers and something I made out of paper.
I'm really confused now, I thought it was over but she just had to send me a letter. The letter made me realize that in fact, I'm really in love with her. I still want to get back to our relationship, hoping you would be kind enough to help. And if I follow your no contact rule, what do I do if we do unintentionally bump to each other?
Oh, and relationship rewind is actually quite effective. It's very useful when it comes to contacting your ex after no contact and it's also extremely useful in understanding the real reason why they broke up and fixing it.
Thanks for the advice, hope I could make this workout. :)
So do I just follow your guide? :)
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
So do I just follow your guide? :)
So do I just follow your guide? :)
So do I just follow your guide? :)
Thanks for the advice, hope I could make this workout. :)
Thanks for the advice, hope I could make this workout. :)
Hey,
From what I read, it seems she got turned off because you were trying to too hard to make the relationship work and were acting kind of needy. If you bump into her during no contact, just treat her like an acquaintance. Don't talk to her for more than five minutes and excuse yourself saying you have to get somewhere.
Oh, and relationship rewind is actually quite effective. It's very useful when it comes to contacting your ex after no contact and it's also extremely useful in understanding the real reason why they broke up and fixing it.
Hey,
From what I read, it seems she got turned off because you were trying to too hard to make the relationship work and were acting kind of needy. If you bump into her during no contact, just treat her like an acquaintance. Don't talk to her for more than five minutes and excuse yourself saying you have to get somewhere.
Hi Kevin, I posted a comment a few days ago but it seems to have been deleted or something. I can't find it. Hope you don't mind me asking again. What about avoiding the friend zone? My guy called me every day after the breakup to beg me to remain in his life as friends. He even persuaded me to go over to his and "discuss it" overnight (we did not have sex). He says he doesn't love me and we will never be a couple. Now I am NC but when I finally get in touch and tell him let's be friends doesn't he get exactly what he asked for? Can I avoid that in any way? Do you think there is hope? We had been seeing each other for a year and a half and used to be inseparable but we had commitment issues. I would love to hear your take on that. (and sorry for posting twice) and thank you again for putting this blog together. It kept me sane lately. You must be proud
Hey Stacey,
I replied to your comment here.
Hey Stacey,
I replied to your comment here.
Hi Kevin,
I am looking for some advice on how to re-establish contact with my ex. To give you an idea of our situation; we were together for 4 1/2 years and overall I would say that our relationship was good. Many of the core problems of our relationship were my fault, she was always very supportive and went out of her way to do things for me; I didn't really reciprocate and that's what lead to us breaking up. I guess you could say I was a bit selfish and didn't really see it. We broke up last November and we really haven't been in contact that much over the winter, other than a couple text messages asking how each other is doing. Funny thing is I think that these few months apart have been a learning experience and it has helped me to realize what I did wrong and what kind of person I was with. I would like to try to re-establish contact and show her that I have changed. Can you offer any help? Thanks
Nick
Nick, It's great that you've used these months to realize what went wrong and learn from it. I think you should contact her using the letter mentioned in the article.
Nick, It's great that you've used these months to realize what went wrong and learn from it. I think you should contact her using the letter mentioned in the article.
Please help me...
So long story short: dated almost 7 months and were super serious. He had trust/anger issues. Broke up with me saying he wanted to work on those first before continuing our relationship but said he still loved me. Got in an argument and he suddenly said he no longer wanted me and to stay out of his life. Left him alone for a week and tried to text him. He was receptive and said he'd think about getting back together but wanted space. I've been doing no contact for a little over a week now and I just found out he has a new girlfriend!? It's been less than 3 weeks!! How did he move on so fast!! She was his "best friend" for a long time and She lives an hour away too. Both of them are tweeting negative things about me. This is a rebound and probably won't last right?! Do I have any chance? What do I do?! Please help
Yes, it's most probably a rebound. You do have a chance. Follow the 5 step plan. He is acting extremely immature by tweeting negative things about you. Ignore all of this and concentrate on yourself. Don't contact him unless you realize you can be happy in your life without him.
What about if he blocked my number... :( just found that out today. I think it's because of his new girlfriend. But he didn't block me on social media, he still looks at my pages to see what I post and told a mutual friend other guys still bother him
It's alright. You can still contact him after no contact via social media. So it doesn't really change anything.
It's alright. You can still contact him after no contact via social media. So it doesn't really change anything.
It's alright. You can still contact him after no contact via social media. So it doesn't really change anything.
It's alright. You can still contact him after no contact via social media. So it doesn't really change anything.
What about if he blocked my number... :( just found that out today. I think it's because of his new girlfriend. But he didn't block me on social media, he still looks at my pages to see what I post and told a mutual friend other guys still bother him
What about if he blocked my number... :( just found that out today. I think it's because of his new girlfriend. But he didn't block me on social media, he still looks at my pages to see what I post and told a mutual friend other guys still bother him
Yes, it's most probably a rebound. You do have a chance. Follow the 5 step plan. He is acting extremely immature by tweeting negative things about you. Ignore all of this and concentrate on yourself. Don't contact him unless you realize you can be happy in your life without him.
My ex says she doesn't want me anymore, I've tried everything but I don't know what else to do, the thought of her and another man kills me, I can't sleep, can't eat I just can't not text her!
May I drop my story here Kevin, so you can give me your expert advice?
Yes, you may.
Yes, you may.
Kevin,
My ex and I split 7 days ago. He wasn't ready to make me a priority or to really settle down. I made the mistake of crying and questioning everything but as soon as I drove away I wouldn't respond to his msgs. I made the mistake of checking his emails yesterday and finding out that he has put himself on some sex search web sites. I ended up contacting him today and telling him to change his passwords so I could no longer do this.
I then msgd him to tell him to get help instead of taking the avenue that he is to make himself feel better.
I ended the conversation by thanking him for the break up and letting him know that I agree with it now and only want the best for him in life.
I am starting the n/c all over again cause I failed with bad habits and I've noticed you repeatedly tell everyone to start the n/c over again when they have a hiccup.
How likely are my chances now that after 30 days this will work if I whole heartedly follow your advice?
You have a good chance. But why would you want to be with someone who isn't ready to make you a priority. This plan is not necessarily going to make him change. If you are ready to settle down, then I'll recommend you move on. But anyways, it's not for me to decide. You will have to make this decision in the 30 days of no contact.
You have a good chance. But why would you want to be with someone who isn't ready to make you a priority. This plan is not necessarily going to make him change. If you are ready to settle down, then I'll recommend you move on. But anyways, it's not for me to decide. You will have to make this decision in the 30 days of no contact.
hi kevin,
ok my boyfriend broke up with me February 4, it was fast how he contacted saying that we still spending valentines days together. i told him no we not and just stop answering him. then a few days later he contacted me again and i was actually ignoring him...he finally came out of his shell and express how he feels that hes not ready to lose and wont let me walk out his life like that... so i told him to give me time ill hear him in a few...the next day i contacted him trough facetime and we end up seeing each other but i refuse to go to his house...so he got mad and said hes going to stop chasing after me...i told him i just cant give him my all after he done something like that he needs to prove that it wont be the same....we was good for a while , around march we end up not talking again he block me on instgram, so i text him saying why you block me on instagram he told me not to worry about him, that hes not worry about me i could do what i have to do...i stop responding, i went on vacation, then again he text me, i replied, with no feelings involve this time asking what happen?...hes like i just want to talk to you and im like ok talk...seen him end up talking about our relationship problem again...went back to ignoring him..then he text me i was having a regular conversation...then i stop replying and answered him 3 days later, but never got no reply or nothing and my phone is off too....yesterday he text me asking for his room key, and how he called me and thought i was forwarding his phone calls how would he know that my phone was off..and im like my phone is off so how would i notice your calls...anyways when he came by my house this time he asked my cousin to bring the key to him, and i texted him u so immature you will never grow up or when will you grow up? he responded saying how am i immature what i do? i just express how i felt about everything....he never answered...so whats the next step i should take honestly to get him back this time for real, because i know i mess up and couple ways like by ignoring his text and texting him back....PLease let me know what to do based on my situation and by the way he is very immature.
Hey Kevin,
I've been following your guide and it actually worked. Me & my ex are back in a relationship, and not only that, she actually suggested we get back together and work on our past problems during one of the "fun dates" phase.
This guide is absolutely amazing, because the guide 'knows' what you're going through. The whole 'don't beg, don't give them affection' part goes against anything you feel the moment you get dumped, but it really does make sense. This is what every person should read, over and over again, should he/she get dumped.
There are a few things I'd like to add. First I think this guide should be called "How to get your ex back or move on", because I believe it's the same procedure. I say it because in my opinion the most important part of this guide is the No Contact and the whole "Work on yourself" thing. These two together are the most important steps for both moving on and getting your ex back.
Thank you very much!
Thanks Ascend. I am glad it worked out for you.
Thanks Ascend. I am glad it worked out for you.
Hi Kevin, My fiance split up due to family issues, my family were really hard on her due to my sisters breakup with her fiance a few months ago. My x works with my sisters x so he's filling her head with bad things about my family. The main reason my x broke up with me was I think pressure from her mom to maybe break it off with me. We were in so much love and I hope we still are..I did see her message a guy from her work a few times that also has a girlfriend. She said to me that she needed time and space to clear her head from all my family drama, I told her that I would spend time with her and not worry about my family, lets work on our relationship..she said no, wanted me to move out. she still tells me she loves me and that I'm the one for her.
What should I do? I still have my car at our old house, engagement / wedding ring etc.. How do I get her back? I spoke to her the other day and was a little angry and short, she didnt like that at all..I did make the mistake of sending her photo's and telling her I missed her etc..I cant start the 30 days of no contact because I have to organize all my stuff to get moved back to my other house.
Help me :(
Get your stuff, then start no contact. She needs space and time, and you should give it to her.
Get your stuff, then start no contact. She needs space and time, and you should give it to her.
Good day Kevin.
I met my girlfriend, around May 2012, then after a month of getting to know each other, we started dating, it was nice, fun,went out on dates , movies, we called each other, we communicated using bbm SMS, our communication was solid and consistent, she told me how much she loves me, how happy and special I made her feel, I was her everything I was her first boyfriend, our first kiss was her kiss first kiss, she was my soul mate and I was hers, we wanted da same things, we wanted to grow together with a view for marriage when that time comes and we had blissful moments together, for her birthday I bought her a gift and wrote her a beautiful poem that made her shed tears, she was overjoyed and happy. So all this went on for 5months of pure love and romance, no fights no misunderstandings, there's one time though where she confronted me to ask me if its true what she came across, apparently her friends went on my facebook account, and snooped at my profile looking for pictures, then they went to my pictures they saw a picture of me posing with another girl that was my girlfriend at the time it was taken, that was my high-school ex, so when that picture was taken it was way long ago before I met my current ex, plus I reassured her that nothing is going on, I didn't lie I did say yes she's my high-school ex thats all and I know its wrong for that picture to be still on my facebook, reason for that is that, I forgot to delete it immediately after I got into my new relationship with you, but ill delete it right away, she was like no don't delete its ok,there's nothing wrong, I insisted that yes I'm deleting it and yes indeed I deleted it, and I even came to report back that I deleted it to show her iv got nothing to hide, so she said ok, from the 6month things changed without any notice right out of the blue, after we finished writing our exams on that day we we're supposed to meet but she didn't pitch up, I called repeatedly,SMS and tested her no reply, that went on for 14days, up until I tested her a final sms, saying that I'm about to do something drastic because she's leaving me no choice, that's when she replied saying on that last day of the exams she got ill and even called her mom to come fetch and take her to school, so I believed her because she had a history of being in and out of hospital because she had asthma, so it all made sense to me as why she wasn't replying my texts, ok so during December holidays I ask her if she passed she said yes but she was thinking of changing a course from BCom Accounting to BCom Finance, well I was happy that she passed and she was happy for me to as well, then as the weeks went on during the rest of December the silence started she started ignoring my calls, I even started thinking that maybe she has met someone new maybe this is her way of leaving me without telling it straight to my face, I ended up giving up on calling her. Then 2013 came, schools reopen on February, I'm looking forward to seeing her as we we're doing the same course, the first week of Feb passes by, that seemed strange because I was suppose to see her in class, I look for her we're she would waiting for her mom to come fetch her after school, I don't see her period, I see her friends they say they don't know we're she is, but they say that probably something is not right with her, ok, then I remain patient but not losing hoping on her, then I start to text her asking her what's happening with her because I'm worried sick about her, she doesn't reply , I call my calls go unanswered, sometimes it rings and you can hear her dropping my call without answering it, sometimes it goes to voice mail. Then with my "not giving up" attitude and persistence, she ends up replying sending me an sms saying that "I'm sorry KGee,I can't take this pain anymore it really hurts,I know you care and love me a lot but I'm not ok, I wanted to say these are my last words to you, Goodbye KGee" after reading that text repeatedly I felt like I was day dreaming my world came to a stand all that went through my mind was that, my girl is probably committing suicide or leaving me and there's nothing I can do about it,as I don't have the power to stop what she was about to do, cause one would think of suicide for such an sms. Then I seeked help urgently went to my mentor, and told this lady that I've probably lost my girl and there's nothing I can do about it, because she did'nt give me the chance to talk her through it not to leave me like this. So I asked my girl, that can she give me a chance to help her, then I fetched her and took her to my mentor with the hope that she'll confess whatever that's bothering her to this lady, because she couldn't tell me what was up with her. So I gave them privacy and they spoke and she confessed, after that then I took her home, then later my mentor said even though I promised your not to tell you but I'm going to tell you because I can see that you'll probably never know hence I know your desperate to know whatsapp with her, because I know how much you love, then my mentor told me that your girlfriend didn't go well on her results regarding her exam, she failed her course by majority of subjects and she's been degraded to a lower qualification from a degree to a national diploma and she'll be doing that diploma at a different campus but same university, so that did'nt sit well with her and her parents aren't happy with that, they are disappointed , so she feels she has led down her parents and you KGee aswell, she felt you we're going to judge her if she told you, ok I understood and I promised my mentor I was goin to be there for her through thick and thin, I won't neglect her because she wasn't just a girl to me but more than a girl, she was my potential future wife that's how much I loved her. Ok, then things seemed to get slightly back on track because she wasn't ignoring my texts anymore, then April came my birthday, she called me midnight just so she can be the first one to say happy birthday, later during my birthday, she sent me an sms wishing me happy birthday, and we spoke non-stop using bbm social network. Then as the weeks went by the silence and ignoring of my calls and SMS started. I thought things were going to get better but clearly not started back from scratch. Ok, Then came May I asked her friends what's wrong, at first they did'nt want to tell me but ended up telling me, they said she is dating another guy, I' did'nt believe them, because I know my girl better than anyone, that's when they showed me a picture of her posing next to a girl, I did'nt know whether to still refuse to believe or believe it because tell it better than words, but you friends can fabricate lies to suit the situation, because surely they know I was desperate for any information, as long that information is going to explain all this silence and ignoring of my calls SMSs and texts. So I wouldn't know if they told me a lie or the truth. Ok, on the 8th of May 2013, she sent me a hot SMS saying " I'm sick of you KGee and all those that are involved, I don't want anything to do with you anymore" and den I replied but mine was not so harsh because I said " how could you do me like that after all the things I did for you by loving, caring and being supportive for you" and then I attached that picture of her posing with that dude to show her that now I know what she's been up to, and obviously she knows that picture could come from her friends. Then replied again to my sms, she said "you go believing what people say and stuff, boys r really stupid and stuff". Then I did'nt reply to her sms, because I was done period, because instead of her apologizing for what she did, instead she makes me look like a bad guy after all I did for her nd being there for her this is the thanks I get. So I was done because I deleted her from whatsapp,bbm and deleted her digits, no contact what so ever, then came June during exams as I was studying, she texts on my whatsapp saying "HI" I was surprised because I could see that its her as I still even remember her digits, I did'nt know what's to do, but because I was still angry I ignored it, then around August I texted her to tell her that ill be giving back her books she borrowed me to her friends to give to her, she replied by "KGee your so rude you don't even greet, I don't want anything to do with you, you can keep those books" I replied by "well then I guess I put them in the rubbish bin, I thought maybe u still feel remorse but clearly I was wrong because you giving me this attitude as if I hurt you or cheated on you which I did'nt, last time I checked you and I aren't a couple so why should I greet you like I used to". Then that was it then came September her birthday, I felt the urge to say happy birthday to her as by that time I had already made peace with myself and having accepted what had happend even thought I still care for her because she said happy birthday to me at the time, so I texted her but I kept it very short, I said "Happy Birthday Lebo". She kindly replied by saying "Thank you very much, I really appreciate it with a smiley face icon next to her text. Then came November exams last year, I felt the urge to wish her good luck for her exams as I did'nt want what happend to her to happen again. The replied kindly saying "thank you KGee, I really appreciate it, and wishing you best of luck to you to KGee". Then came the new year, I felt the urge to make a reconciliation, so I called her and I forgave her for what she has done whether its true or not, and I also asked her for forgiveness if there's something I did unintentionally, and I said sorry and I also said I'm to accept her sorry aswell, because I want to put the past in the past, and begin this year with a clear heart and mind and I said I love her, then she said she'll get back to me, after the call she replied by texting me on whatsapp saying "that she also forgives me and accepts my apology, and that she hopes ill forgive her, she knows she hurt me real bad, etc.... So we from there we spoke normally, I asked her how is she and how's her life treating her, and she said "life's ok, she's getting better and feels better" and she asked me how was I and I said I'm ok not bad at all but, after all that has happend, I still have a hard time forgetting completely what happend hence I still do miss her" and she said "you will be fine KGee through time, your goin to be ok" and she said "I know its hard which is why I don't want to go to all that drama that happend with her friends and that picture that showed her posing with another dude, and she further said I've learnt to be happy with what I have" ,So I thought with that being said at least we will have just general chats, so as I carried talking to her on some days, I saw that she's like reverting back to the silence and not answering my chats, but I managed to ask her that "is there a chance for us whether be it now, somewhere during this year, or next year or two years after of 5years down the line or whenever? And she said "Yes" but she did'nt elaborate further , so because I felt her yes wasn't convincing, I felt that maybe she said yes because she knows that's what I want to hear ,so I carried on texting to know what this yes means then she was cold, so I further texted as I wasn't getting any reply after that yes,so I told her that I do understand IF there's another guy in the picture because a lot of time has passed since we drifted apart without no communication, as it wouldn't come as a surprise that maybe she's dating, she replied by saying " What guy are you talking about, there's no guy in the picture, I'm not that type of a girl" and I said I did'nt say u dating I said that " IF ever there's a guy I do understand why u don't want that there be no communication" she didn't reply up until the day she texted and said "KGee it doesn't mean because we forgave each other therefore there should be communication between us, so please don't call, SMS or text me again". So Kevin what do you think happend right there with her or the both of us, did I maybe contribute unintentionally for her to drift away from me, or did her friends set her up, or did she lose feelings for me or did she stop loving me, does she even still love me right now, is there hope for us in the near future, because I want to get her back and keep her for good, but only if that's what she wants? What happend right there please shed some light because till today I don't know what happend I can't seem to connect the dots?
You are overthinking everything. She is young and confused. It's possibly that even she doesn't know what made her lose attraction to you. But the fact is, she did drift apart. And you two didn't really have a strong relationship to begin with. You are young as well. The best thing for you to do is apply no contact and start dating other girls. Explore your options for the next 5-6 months. Meet new girls, have fun and enjoy your life. If after six months you still want to be with her, then contact her.
Thank you for your replying to my email, I have more questions after what you said, do you think that I still stand a chance of winning her heart back, do you also think that she still loves me and thinks about me? Because remember in the email, I said I asked her that is there a chance for us to get back together whether be it now or during this year, or next year or whenever, she replied by "Yes" but she didn't give a time duration, and after me trying to further text her, she said it doesn't mean because we forgave each other we should therefore have an ongoing communication, and then she said please don't call, sms or text me again, so from this do you think she means that she'll never be my girlfriend again in the near future or long term or that she's applying no contact rule with the aim of clearing her mind of the negative things associated with the break-up, so that mayb she can miss me and then hopefully re-instate the communication back on.
Honestly, I think your chances are slim. And I really can't say if she loves you or thinks about you since your relationship was a very short relationship.
Hey Kevin
I want to know why does she still have my numbers on her phone therefore she still has my contact on whatsapp, why does she keep them if she ordered me to cease communication with her. Why doesn't she just delete them if its clear that my chances of getting her back are slim.
You are overthinking things. Don't try to analyze everything she is doing and everything she is not doing. Concentrate on yourself.
You are overthinking things. Don't try to analyze everything she is doing and everything she is not doing. Concentrate on yourself.
You are overthinking things. Don't try to analyze everything she is doing and everything she is not doing. Concentrate on yourself.
You are overthinking things. Don't try to analyze everything she is doing and everything she is not doing. Concentrate on yourself.
You are overthinking things. Don't try to analyze everything she is doing and everything she is not doing. Concentrate on yourself.
You are overthinking things. Don't try to analyze everything she is doing and everything she is not doing. Concentrate on yourself.
Anyway thank you Kevin for your advice and opinions. I guess ill leave it in Gods hands, if she does'nt come back then its ok, I guess its life because I would've tried my utmost best.
Hey Kevin
I want to know why does she still have my numbers on her phone therefore she still has my contact on whatsapp, why does she keep them if she ordered me to cease communication with her. Why doesn't she just delete them if its clear that my chances of getting her back are slim.
Anyway thank you Kevin for your advice and opinions. I guess ill leave it in Gods hands, if she does'nt come back then its ok, I guess its life because I would've tried my utmost best.
Hey Kevin
I want to know why does she still have my numbers on her phone therefore she still has my contact on whatsapp, why does she keep them if she ordered me to cease communication with her. Why doesn't she just delete them if its clear that my chances of getting her back are slim.
Anyway thank you Kevin for your advice and opinions. I guess ill leave it in Gods hands, if she does'nt come back then its ok, I guess its life because I would've tried my utmost best.
Hey Kevin
I want to know why does she still have my numbers on her phone therefore she still has my contact on whatsapp, why does she keep them if she ordered me to cease communication with her. Why doesn't she just delete them if its clear that my chances of getting her back are slim.
Anyway thank you Kevin for your advice and opinions. I guess ill leave it in Gods hands, if she does'nt come back then its ok, I guess its life because I would've tried my utmost best.
Hey Kevin
I want to know why does she still have my numbers on her phone therefore she still has my contact on whatsapp, why does she keep them if she ordered me to cease communication with her. Why doesn't she just delete them if its clear that my chances of getting her back are slim.
Anyway thank you Kevin for your advice and opinions. I guess ill leave it in Gods hands, if she does'nt come back then its ok, I guess its life because I would've tried my utmost best.
Honestly, I think your chances are slim. And I really can't say if she loves you or thinks about you since your relationship was a very short relationship.
Honestly, I think your chances are slim. And I really can't say if she loves you or thinks about you since your relationship was a very short relationship.
Honestly, I think your chances are slim. And I really can't say if she loves you or thinks about you since your relationship was a very short relationship.
Thank you for your replying to my email, I have more questions after what you said, do you think that I still stand a chance of winning her heart back, do you also think that she still loves me and thinks about me? Because remember in the email, I said I asked her that is there a chance for us to get back together whether be it now or during this year, or next year or whenever, she replied by "Yes" but she didn't give a time duration, and after me trying to further text her, she said it doesn't mean because we forgave each other we should therefore have an ongoing communication, and then she said please don't call, sms or text me again, so from this do you think she means that she'll never be my girlfriend again in the near future or long term or that she's applying no contact rule with the aim of clearing her mind of the negative things associated with the break-up, so that mayb she can miss me and then hopefully re-instate the communication back on.
Thank you for your replying to my email, I have more questions after what you said, do you think that I still stand a chance of winning her heart back, do you also think that she still loves me and thinks about me? Because remember in the email, I said I asked her that is there a chance for us to get back together whether be it now or during this year, or next year or whenever, she replied by "Yes" but she didn't give a time duration, and after me trying to further text her, she said it doesn't mean because we forgave each other we should therefore have an ongoing communication, and then she said please don't call, sms or text me again, so from this do you think she means that she'll never be my girlfriend again in the near future or long term or that she's applying no contact rule with the aim of clearing her mind of the negative things associated with the break-up, so that mayb she can miss me and then hopefully re-instate the communication back on.
You are overthinking everything. She is young and confused. It's possibly that even she doesn't know what made her lose attraction to you. But the fact is, she did drift apart. And you two didn't really have a strong relationship to begin with. You are young as well. The best thing for you to do is apply no contact and start dating other girls. Explore your options for the next 5-6 months. Meet new girls, have fun and enjoy your life. If after six months you still want to be with her, then contact her.
Hi Kevin
Thanks for your recent advice. Just an update and hopefully you can provide some sort of further advice on best approach from here.
Current thinking is, I am going to just leave it for a week or two, at which point I am heading overseas for 10 days? My goal is to make sure I am happy and oozing confidence by the time I get back and then get in touch again. That will give her time to think about me and wonder what I am doing in my 'adventures'. FYI - Im not on Facebook or anything so she cant check in on me.
Anyways, here is the email I sent Sunday morning after 30 days NC, followed by her response below........
=======
Hi XXXX,
Trust that this finds you well and enjoying life.
Just wanted to say thanks for having the courage to speak up when you did. I agree, in the end we needed to walk away from how it was. Its a shame a simple misunderstanding can cost us everything but it was the right thing to do at the time and I accept that the relationship is over.
In saying that, it was great in many ways and holds fond memories. Some of our holidays and adventures were fantastic - Bundeena, Jindabyne, Tassie, Bali, and Townsville were awesome - but things got a bit silly somehow. At first it hurt, but I’m fine now.
So I want to apologise for the way I acted over the past few months. Sorry I kept trying so hard when I should have backed off. I let my heart rule my head. While proud of my don’t give in attitude, I must have looked desperate to you. I get it now, you just wanted space to deal with your feelings and thoughts.
I stuffed it up bad. I wanted to bring joy and relief. I wanted you to know you were loved beyond doubt even in a tough time, not confuse you. Im sorry for the pain and confusion I caused Monie. I know I did it all wrong. Hope you can forgive me and forget it some time.
So anyway, it’s been crazy times since we last spoke. My parents had a real set back out of nowhere, which was very sad and hard to understand. Apart from that though, so many exciting things are happening.
The land deal is mind boggling in the current market. Ive had many little adventures, with one more big one coming up shortly. Some great opportunities have come out of nowhere. In a weird way it has worked out well for me. Funny how the world works sometimes.
I hope its all going really well for you too. Im happy to catch up some time and hear about all of your new adventures, but Im not sure about right now. We both probably need a bit more time and space.
Anyways, thought I’d try to keep this brief so take care. Speak soon.
Tomass
=======
and her response 24 hours later first thing in the morning...
Hey Tomass,
Thank you for your email and I hope you are well too.
Not sure what you mean about your folks, but I hope that it is sorted now and all are ok.
Dont really want to write much as I’m getting emotional now.
Take care of yourself and good luck in the games.
XXXX
=======
Thanks again Kevin. Im a convert to your wonderful ways and look forward to a recommended plan of attack from here.
It looks pretty good. Your already have a pretty good plan of attack. Get back in touch with her when you return using the texts in the article.
It looks pretty good. Your already have a pretty good plan of attack. Get back in touch with her when you return using the texts in the article.
Where do I find your response to my comment?
It's here.
It's here.
This guy and I had been exclusively dating for almost 5 months. Things were going great, we talked about the future a lot and enjoyed getting to know each other. Its just that, whenever I brought up the topic of his ex's, he seemed to avoid it and not comfortable talking to me about it. This is the second time he "broke up with me" though we were dating, I considered it a sort of relationship even though he wasn't my boyfriend technically. I never met someone so caring as him. We been through a lot the past few months, as I got pregnant by him. I can tell he was stressed and did not sleep, always worrying about me and practically threatening the people at the hospital that if I didn't get medication for the pain I'm going through he would throw a fit or do something illegal. He missed weeks of work, couldn't even work from home, and was constantly finding ways for me to feel better. As I got the abortion, weeks later he told me he didn't want to see me before he left Hawaii and that I deserved better, he cannot provide what I deserve at the moment. He is not ready to commit, and that at my age (I'm 20) I need to start dating other people or else I will regret it for the rest of my life. I'm kind of shocked and saddened at the same time. I met his best friends, and even his parents know about me. It's almost a month that we have not seen each other or spoken, and I something just tells me he is afraid, possibly do to his past and the pregnancy.
I am glad to say I do not feel devastated like I did the few first days after the "breakup". I am happy with my life, I don't need him to continue living on with my life but it would feel incomplete. And I just need closure. When he broke up with me, it was through text. Whenever we try to talk about something serious, he never seems to want to talk on the phone or in person. I'm just frustrated because I tried to shut him out of my head if the thought of him lingers, but he is now appearing in my sleep (I hardly dream). I just don't know what to do..
Nani,
I think you are just looking for a meeting from him just to get closure. You feel if you can just to him about the relationship and what happened, you will be able to put it all behind you and move on. But in reality, no talk from him is going to give you the closure. In fact, talking to him about what happened is only going to put more thoughts in your head about him. Just give it some time. Don't try to suppress the thoughts about him. Let it come and acknowledge them and learn to let them go. If you try to stop the thoughts, they will somehow come back again (like in your dreams).
Nani,
I think you are just looking for a meeting from him just to get closure. You feel if you can just to him about the relationship and what happened, you will be able to put it all behind you and move on. But in reality, no talk from him is going to give you the closure. In fact, talking to him about what happened is only going to put more thoughts in your head about him. Just give it some time. Don't try to suppress the thoughts about him. Let it come and acknowledge them and learn to let them go. If you try to stop the thoughts, they will somehow come back again (like in your dreams).
Hey Kevin!
Im really not sure if these tricks will work because my problem is very very bad... well this guy I have been dating for a year and a half broke up with me like a month ago... yes did contact him right afterwards begging for him to take me back. I woupd even tell him I loved him he wpuld even say he still loved me to he just wasn't intrested in me anymore. I texted him a lot and he told me we were completly done and that he didn't want to date me again.(he also told to shut up once) because I was annoying him with the whole writting him letters to him thing. He really really likes another girl and I can see that she likes him to I think they are going to date soon while I still have very stromg feelings for him and I want him back:( I haven't talked to him for 3 days trying to do the no-contact trick on him but honestly I don't think he cares that I'm not talking to him I think he likes it better...is there any hope for us left? Do u think he still likes me? Will he ever go back out with me? I need help PLEASE Kevin?!
Thank you so much Kevin I'll try it and see how everything turns out in the end! You have finnally gave me some hope.
Gabriele xx.
Thank you so much Kevin I'll try it and see how everything turns out in the end! You have finnally gave me some hope.
Gabriele xx.
Dear Kev,
I hope you're well. Thank you for your responses! I find great comfort in reading your blog and when I break I always come here and read your articles.I rang my ex 's local number just to see whether he is back in the country and his phone rang. Later at night he has texted my sister asking me not to contact him again. When my mom rang he picked the phone and he talked to her. When she passed the phone to me he was screaming at me for sharing his cheating adventure with his aunt ( that aunt called me and asked what happened). Then his mom spoke to me and blamed me saying that I ruined everything by telling the story to her sister. She said we could have fixed things but I ruined every thing. He did everything to hurt me and found another girl and now his family is blaming for sharing what he did ( he cheated on me with a much older woman and now dating a 19 year old air hostess) . I think they are hurt cz their pride is hurt cz he just finished his medical training . Whatever he did to me I feel terrible to think that he hates me. He owes me some money and he wanted to know my bank details . He has texted my sister asking that and she has replied saying she ll pass the bank details of my parents. On Saturday , he sent me a msg asking for the details. I ignored his msg.I don't know Kev, whatever I do , I miss him so much and I cant bear to think he hates me .Do guys hate their exes when they share their cheating stories? We were set to get married next year and my family is gutted after what happened. Please give me some advice.
Thank you,
Gina
Gina,
I guess his pride is hurt. But I believe his anger and hate will go away with time if you apply no contact. I know you miss him but you need to learn to be happy in your life without your ex.
Thank you Kev! You are a star! :)
Thank you Kev! You are a star! :)
Thank you Kev! You are a star! :)
Gina,
I guess his pride is hurt. But I believe his anger and hate will go away with time if you apply no contact. I know you miss him but you need to learn to be happy in your life without your ex.
he broke up with me and his reason was because “he does not know who to love me like how he did in the beginning”. But personally i felt that he has taken me for granted when in a relationship because he mentioned that he was afraid of losing me and has confidence that I will always stay by his side no matter what. After some time of convincing him about the break up I decided to do the NC, currently I have been doing this for about 18 days, I was on a holiday with my family he contacted me a lot of times during the NC, but I tried not to reply, but he kept spamming my messages, asking me when will i be back from vacation and I got so fed up I just reply him briefly the about the date that i will be back, that’s it. I just did it so that he wont blow up my phone. on the day when I was on my way back to college from my hometown, he texted me, asking me to come meet him so that he could give me back my stuff which was left in his house. I did not respond to his text, he texted more messages ( about 8-10 messages ) and missed called me from the afternoon until at night. I was so worried my phone would eventually exploded but I was trying my best to be patient and pretend I didnt notice. He threatens me that he would throw my stuff away if i don’t pick up his call and we will no longer be friends thru those messages. he sounded so agitated. but i was determined and still havent reply him. After that day, he unfriended me on Facebook. what should i do ? should i continue NC ? would he reply me if i text him after the NC ? would he be so angry that he would give a damn about my text after NC? is NC the right thing to do? i feel so guilty and evil. I’m so confused.
Hey Shin,
If he is not contacting you anymore, let it be. And contact him using the hand written letter mentioned in the 5 step plan after a 15-20 days. If he does contact you again, tell him you need space and time right now and you'll contact him after a while.
Hey Shin,
If he is not contacting you anymore, let it be. And contact him using the hand written letter mentioned in the 5 step plan after a 15-20 days. If he does contact you again, tell him you need space and time right now and you'll contact him after a while.
I was an ass. Prideful and arrogant. Borderline alcoholic that reminded her of her abusive addict mother. She grew resentful and unhappy. When we broke up, i went through a month of hating her; but after some back and forth she put it through my thick skull that i was really making her unhappy, and that i needed to be a better man. I resolved myself to get back with her, try my hardest to win her back. I smothered her, i bothered her, i made her disgusted of me, text, emails, calls the whole 9 yards. I asked for 3 months to try to change, and then it was my birthday and i screwed up even more by trying to flirt etc.. i even joined her gym. I need to respect her need for space, you are right, i am addicted to her. She's a great girl, and i love her; even with her faults. I'm a fool if i let my faults chase her away. When we started dating she was absolutely in love with me, now she says those feelings are gone. I wanted to marry her, but no steady job, drink too much, what kind of future could i give her and a potential family. I turned 38 on the 6th, i need to get my shit together. I'm a mess, as all people who go through this are. Do i have a chance?
You've realized your mistakes and you're willing to work on yourself to change for the better. You definitely have a chance.
How much time should i give her? She thinks i'm desperate and insane right now.
At least one month.
At least one month.
At least one month.
At least one month.
How much time should i give her? She thinks i'm desperate and insane right now.
How much time should i give her? She thinks i'm desperate and insane right now.
You've realized your mistakes and you're willing to work on yourself to change for the better. You definitely have a chance.
Hi Kevin,
Sorry about a week ago I saw a text from a guy on my gf's phone and got disappointed that she was planning to hangout with him and when I asked to see all her other texts between them she said she deleted them because it would've made her feel uncomfortable if I saw it. I felt like she was hiding something but didn't want to fight about it. We didn't talk much after that then all of a sudden, 3 days later, I call her and she says she wants to get close to someone else; the guy she's been texting. Im 26, she's 29. I panicked and rushed to her house and begged for her not to. We've been together for over two years officially, but 5 years we had feelings for each other. I had no idea this was coming so I offered that we take a break if I still had a chance in the end. She made a lot of reasons why but rambled. Mostly she said she fell out of love with me. During the break we were still talking and texting and seeing each other. We would go out to lunch and even had a day where we enjoyed ourselves again in bed. I would also write her cards and drop off flowers to her house each day. Now almost a week after this fake break I tell her we should take a real break after seeing this website. She tells me not to wait for her and she wants to continue seeing this guy. She cries each time I write her a card that I'm so devastated, but she wants to rush into a relationship with him now and not even spend time to reflect on us. Im now gonna apply the no contact rule, but is this a rebound. How can she fall out of love with me after almost 5 years of feelings for each other that she can surprise me one day and want someone new?? Sorry for the long comment I just your help.
It's probably a rebound. People lose feelings and there is a good chance she cheated on you while she was in the relationship. You should do no contact to learn to be happy without her. Think hard before getting back with her. Even if your relationship had problems, she chose to leave you instead of working on them. Do you really see a long term potential with her?
She promised me she wasn't cheating, she just allowed herself to accept texts from another guy. There coworkers. Shes such a beautiful gal and we did have our more than our fair share of fights. I've been changing however for us, but yes it did seem like she gave up "fell out of love" This new guy is 23. Younger than me and she said she wants kids and to get married. I can't get her pregnant because of my infertility problems but we always would talk about being together for a long time and even settling down and have kids through a donor. Does she expect for a younger guy to really settle down? When we had a fake break last week she still would check my facebook and read my messages and chats and would get mad that I'm telling the world our problems. But since applying the nc rule last night she still texts me and wants to know what i've been doing and when my days off are? I'm so confused. But yes and want us to get back together and have a stronger relationship.
If she continues texting you, tell her you need space and time right now.
Hey kevin,
So I followed the no contact rule for over 30 days from which time she had tried to get in contact with me through fb. About 3 wks back during the no contact period she texted me that she hasn't done anything intimate with the person she's seeing. Well finally wrote a handwritten letter after nc period and called her a few days later. She said she'd want to catch up and even was open to tell me her schedule and what she was doing. I called her that night to confirm us catching up and she said she wanted to call me later that evening as she was still busy. She never ended up calling me back and that was on Tuesday. It's Thursday now and I called but she canceled my call on the fourth ring??? I texted a few minutes later and still have no response. I'm not trying to come off as needy at all, but how can I even get her to meet up with me when I know she's willing to but maybe her new bf is tying her down? I just want to catch up and move on to meeting with her. Please let me know what I should do
Hey Edward,
Switch to another medium of communication. Like facebook or email. Don't pressure her into meeting you. Just stay in touch and wait till her relationship falls apart.
Hey Edward,
Switch to another medium of communication. Like facebook or email. Don't pressure her into meeting you. Just stay in touch and wait till her relationship falls apart.
Hey Edward,
Switch to another medium of communication. Like facebook or email. Don't pressure her into meeting you. Just stay in touch and wait till her relationship falls apart.
Hey Edward,
Switch to another medium of communication. Like facebook or email. Don't pressure her into meeting you. Just stay in touch and wait till her relationship falls apart.
Hey Edward,
Switch to another medium of communication. Like facebook or email. Don't pressure her into meeting you. Just stay in touch and wait till her relationship falls apart.
Hey Edward,
Switch to another medium of communication. Like facebook or email. Don't pressure her into meeting you. Just stay in touch and wait till her relationship falls apart.
Hey kevin,
So I followed the no contact rule for over 30 days from which time she had tried to get in contact with me through fb. About 3 wks back during the no contact period she texted me that she hasn't done anything intimate with the person she's seeing. Well finally wrote a handwritten letter after nc period and called her a few days later. She said she'd want to catch up and even was open to tell me her schedule and what she was doing. I called her that night to confirm us catching up and she said she wanted to call me later that evening as she was still busy. She never ended up calling me back and that was on Tuesday. It's Thursday now and I called but she canceled my call on the fourth ring??? I texted a few minutes later and still have no response. I'm not trying to come off as needy at all, but how can I even get her to meet up with me when I know she's willing to but maybe her new bf is tying her down? I just want to catch up and move on to meeting with her. Please let me know what I should do
Hey kevin,
So I followed the no contact rule for over 30 days from which time she had tried to get in contact with me through fb. About 3 wks back during the no contact period she texted me that she hasn't done anything intimate with the person she's seeing. Well finally wrote a handwritten letter after nc period and called her a few days later. She said she'd want to catch up and even was open to tell me her schedule and what she was doing. I called her that night to confirm us catching up and she said she wanted to call me later that evening as she was still busy. She never ended up calling me back and that was on Tuesday. It's Thursday now and I called but she canceled my call on the fourth ring??? I texted a few minutes later and still have no response. I'm not trying to come off as needy at all, but how can I even get her to meet up with me when I know she's willing to but maybe her new bf is tying her down? I just want to catch up and move on to meeting with her. Please let me know what I should do
Hey kevin,
So I followed the no contact rule for over 30 days from which time she had tried to get in contact with me through fb. About 3 wks back during the no contact period she texted me that she hasn't done anything intimate with the person she's seeing. Well finally wrote a handwritten letter after nc period and called her a few days later. She said she'd want to catch up and even was open to tell me her schedule and what she was doing. I called her that night to confirm us catching up and she said she wanted to call me later that evening as she was still busy. She never ended up calling me back and that was on Tuesday. It's Thursday now and I called but she canceled my call on the fourth ring??? I texted a few minutes later and still have no response. I'm not trying to come off as needy at all, but how can I even get her to meet up with me when I know she's willing to but maybe her new bf is tying her down? I just want to catch up and move on to meeting with her. Please let me know what I should do
Hey kevin,
So I followed the no contact rule for over 30 days from which time she had tried to get in contact with me through fb. About 3 wks back during the no contact period she texted me that she hasn't done anything intimate with the person she's seeing. Well finally wrote a handwritten letter after nc period and called her a few days later. She said she'd want to catch up and even was open to tell me her schedule and what she was doing. I called her that night to confirm us catching up and she said she wanted to call me later that evening as she was still busy. She never ended up calling me back and that was on Tuesday. It's Thursday now and I called but she canceled my call on the fourth ring??? I texted a few minutes later and still have no response. I'm not trying to come off as needy at all, but how can I even get her to meet up with me when I know she's willing to but maybe her new bf is tying her down? I just want to catch up and move on to meeting with her. Please let me know what I should do
If she continues texting you, tell her you need space and time right now.
If she continues texting you, tell her you need space and time right now.
If she continues texting you, tell her you need space and time right now.
She promised me she wasn't cheating, she just allowed herself to accept texts from another guy. There coworkers. Shes such a beautiful gal and we did have our more than our fair share of fights. I've been changing however for us, but yes it did seem like she gave up "fell out of love" This new guy is 23. Younger than me and she said she wants kids and to get married. I can't get her pregnant because of my infertility problems but we always would talk about being together for a long time and even settling down and have kids through a donor. Does she expect for a younger guy to really settle down? When we had a fake break last week she still would check my facebook and read my messages and chats and would get mad that I'm telling the world our problems. But since applying the nc rule last night she still texts me and wants to know what i've been doing and when my days off are? I'm so confused. But yes and want us to get back together and have a stronger relationship.
She promised me she wasn't cheating, she just allowed herself to accept texts from another guy. There coworkers. Shes such a beautiful gal and we did have our more than our fair share of fights. I've been changing however for us, but yes it did seem like she gave up "fell out of love" This new guy is 23. Younger than me and she said she wants kids and to get married. I can't get her pregnant because of my infertility problems but we always would talk about being together for a long time and even settling down and have kids through a donor. Does she expect for a younger guy to really settle down? When we had a fake break last week she still would check my facebook and read my messages and chats and would get mad that I'm telling the world our problems. But since applying the nc rule last night she still texts me and wants to know what i've been doing and when my days off are? I'm so confused. But yes and want us to get back together and have a stronger relationship.
It's probably a rebound. People lose feelings and there is a good chance she cheated on you while she was in the relationship. You should do no contact to learn to be happy without her. Think hard before getting back with her. Even if your relationship had problems, she chose to leave you instead of working on them. Do you really see a long term potential with her?
My ex broke up with me and I did EVERYTHING that I should not have. I even went as far as getting drunk and shooting and killing her pet that she had left at my house. Going through the legal part of that now.
After I killed her pet I went even more nuts and sent her some very mean and nasty text messages. I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at myself for what I had just done to her pet and I took it out on her.
Ever since then there has not been a single day or night that where I don't think about her... all the great times we had and that very horrible night that I wish never happened. it makes me sick to my stomach when I think about what I did to her pet.
I am truly sorry and regretful for what I did to her and how I must have made her feel. I've tried to think about how badly I must've made her feel but it kills me inside knowing that it was me who made her feel that way.
I'm not worried about any legal cconsequences. I've been to jail a couple times before and it NOTHING compared to the self-made punishment of knowing that I am the one who made her life hell after the breakup.
In fact she even told me that she wasn't going anywhere. She just needed a week or two to herself because college, work, family issues were getting to her. But instead of giving her that I went batshit crazy.
The last thing I said to her was this text message while in cop car headed to psych ward... "I don't care how religious you are you are still going to burn in hell with me"
We have had no contact since that night... restraining order says so.
When we were together there was one day we were in her car and I was telling her about bad things I did in the past. She said "you are the type of person I absolutely hate but for some reason I am deeply in love with you" she then put her hand on my leg and said "I feel like I am here to help you better yourself"
Call me crazy but I have noticed a change in the way I see things now, the way I act, just overall am a happier person. While with her she noticed and is the ONLY person to look into my eyes and saw that I was filled with hate anger. She saw through the smiles and laughter. But since that night I no longer feel filled with hate anger. And the hate and anger I was filled with was not caused by her. It was never supposed to be directed at her or her pet.
I still have the same feelings for her. I love her with my entire being. She ever needs anything.... or someone harms her.... I will be there.
However regardless of my feelings for her still... they do not matter. I am pretty damn certain she does not feel the same way and wwon't ever be with me again. But when restraining order is over I would like to meet up with her somewhere and explain to or try to explain to her what happened, why it happened, etc.... she deserves an explanation.
What she also deserves is to be able to tell me to my face how she feels about me. And I would just sit there and let her say whatever she wants. Bitch me up one side and down the other. Slap me a few times.... whatever she wants to do she's more than welcome to. Even if it means me hearing "I hate you and never want to see you or hear from you again. I dont even want to know you"
If we never meet somewhere... and this is it for everything... I KNOW that great things are going to come into her life. I KNOW she is going to do great things with her life. That's the kind of person she is. The time will come when she shines bright like the beautiful star she is. Unfortunately I won't be by her side when it happens.
Yes I know that was long, but as for your steps.... I did everything I was not supposed to and then even added more. We had little silly arguments about NOTHING and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING... lasted maybe 15-20 minutes then they were done and we'd do the making up thing and all was well. Like I said before she only left because she needed time and space to clear everything in her head. I mean she even told me "I am not saying goodbye. I am not going anywhere" come on she left all her things INCLUDING her pet here.
But anyway if there's a snowballs chance in hell of her and I being in eachothers lives again... even if only as friends... a miracle needs to happen in order for her to see me in a positive light again. One step at a time I'm moving forward to better myself. If we get back in eachothers lives... awesome! If we don't well I have nobody to blame but myself.
Hey Kyle,
As you already know, your chances are very less. But you can still try. If you get therapy during the no contact period, it's going to improve your chances. She will see that you are getting help for your anger and she might consider giving you another chance. But again, your chances are less and you should not keep your hopes up. I wish you the best.
Hey Kyle,
As you already know, your chances are very less. But you can still try. If you get therapy during the no contact period, it's going to improve your chances. She will see that you are getting help for your anger and she might consider giving you another chance. But again, your chances are less and you should not keep your hopes up. I wish you the best.
Hi,
I am so terribly stressed out these past few days..Its been 3 months now since I broke up with my ex boyfriend. We had on and off relationship, he left me 2011 because he got married as part of their tradition and culture that has to be married with his cousin. I do missed him sometimes when i thought about him, but then last year he started to contact me again, and I shut him off. But because he was so persistent and that he was begging to me and he told a lot of stories, like he was so miserable with his unhappy married life and infact he told me that he wants me on his life. I was so adamant and hesitant of getting back together again because of his current situation and status...I don't know maybe I pity him or love him and wanted him so badly also, that I agreed to go back with him.He is always initiated to contact me everyday, like he was the one who texted me first and manage to call me everynight and we talked on the phone every night..I believe everything what he said to me, he even told rubbish stories about his wife that made me think that he is really mesirable....I even encourage him to fix his problem with his wife and be more patient with her because maybe she is just seeking more attention or she was bored because she was just alone in the house and theres nothing else she can do... But then he just said that theres no way his wife will change, he even told that he is planning to divorce her because he is already feed up and sick with her... When we were together, I was so happy but often times I felt guilty and hate myself..He said that we will still get in touch..The wife just returned after two months, perhaps from vacation..And then after on, never heard from him again. I sent him an email, told him what i felt.. I even cursed him on the email that he made me fooled again and never receieved a reply from him..I felt so awful and angry to myself that i let him manipulated me and that he totally played me....He keeps coming back on me.. I don't know if he keeps coming back because he wants to punish me for all the bad things i told him and he wants to hurt me again and again .. I just want your honest opinion on this situation of mine..
I think he is playing with you. Unless he leaves his wife, you should not get back with him. You should really consider moving on.
I think he is playing with you. Unless he leaves his wife, you should not get back with him. You should really consider moving on.
I cheated on my ex because I was confused about having a life with him and wasn't sure if he's the one. We fight all the time, and was doing long distance for 3 years. We were already going out for 2 years before that. He's a nice guy but is always angry with me and shuts me out many times when we fight. I'm also likely a difficult person to deal with. Nevertheless I held on because I love him, but was just confused. He loved me very much too when we were together but he's the kind of guy who thinks most girls are great as he had difficulties getting a gf for a long time. The guy I cheated with was a friend who became close to me during the long distance and wanted to go out with me but is also OK just to be a friend and help me through some of my difficulties in life. My boyfriend found out, broke up and told me "there is zero chance we can ever be together in this lifetime." He would still like to remain friends though because he cares for me. It's been 5 months since he found out. 2 months after he found out, I went to visit him and he said he would take me back, but changed his mind. Ever since then he's been on dating sites and has found a girl recently and is really into her. He spends all weekends with her and is being progressively lukewarm with me, although he still chats with me online because he's worried that I'm depressed all the time. He's a very conscientious guy, who has strong values and tries to do the right thing all the time. I'm going back to see him soon and move my things out of his house. My flight was suppose to be tomorrow but I postponed it for 2 more weeks because of the NC rule. Should I postpone it for 30 days? Do I still have a chance? Is his new relationship a rebound? He said she's really a good and awesome girl and can't believe he got so lucky. He really loved me though in the past, I was his first girl. Please help, you've been awesome.
Hey,
I think you should keep go after 2 weeks. There is a chance this relationship is a rebound. But there is also a chance that it's not since it has been 5 months since the breakup. I think you should go after 2 weeks. Get your stuff and then start no contact again. Also, you should start dating as well and accept the fact that you may never get back with him.
Hey,
I think you should keep go after 2 weeks. There is a chance this relationship is a rebound. But there is also a chance that it's not since it has been 5 months since the breakup. I think you should go after 2 weeks. Get your stuff and then start no contact again. Also, you should start dating as well and accept the fact that you may never get back with him.
Ok i'll try to make this as short as possible.
My ex and I were together for a year and a half. I was her first love, and she was my first serious relationship. I did love her, although I admit it seemed as though I always had the upper-hand in the relationship. Half way through the relationship I had to move states and ended up breaking up with her and started dating another girl who I met after the move. That only lasted about a month as I realised I had made a huge mistake and still loved my ex. I moved back and we began talking again and she took me back, and it was good at first but I could tell that she was still hurting. She ended up breaking up with me a few months later and got with a new guy (someone I knew). She changed a lot and began to hate me. She even told this new guy that she liked the fact I was hurting and it felt good to kind of get revenge..
We went no contact for about 6 months and I had moved on with my life, although I never completely forgot about her. After 6 months we bumped into each other and spoke for the first time.. She began to go to the same places that she knew I was always at and we started talking more and more, although she was still kind of seeing this new guy. She said she still couldn't have me in her life because she couldn't forget all the hurt I had caused her. Her and the new guy had ended but remained mates.
Because most of our encounters happened when we were both drunk, we started fighting.. she basically told me that she hated me and from now on I was nothing but a stranger to her.
Her and the new guy don't speak at all anymore either, and I (stupidly) drunk phoned her one night recently.. she surprisingly was nice and we spoke for a few hours. The next day a friend of hers told me that she told them about the chat but said that it still hurt for her to see me and she can't have me in her life. We haven't spoken since as I don't want to push anything.
I am still hurt by her actions, but part of me does still want her in my life, even as mates.
Do you think she can't see me because she still feels something for me? How do I go about this?
Yes, she still has feelings for you. She never got over the hurt because she was in a rebound relationship till now. Give her some time and apply no contact. Follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, she still has feelings for you. She never got over the hurt because she was in a rebound relationship till now. Give her some time and apply no contact. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin, my last comments have been lost to far below, I have tried to look for them but have no luck. As you know my ex has said she defo does not want to be with me. This weekend my best friend come down to see me (we live in different citites) my best friend text my ex to ask where she got a present from for me. She replied to my best friend saying 'Hi got this from blah blah blah hope you have a nice weekend in London'
So I saw that as hope, and said would you like to meet us all as friends, she replied I do not want to be friends at the moment. Then the next day she said 'Dont contact me again, I never ever will be friends with you.
Why did she reply to my best friend, then say to me not friends at the moment then say I defo do not want to be friends...... I know I broke the no contact rule, but as she text my best mate (that she has never met) I thought there was some hope.......
Hey Lou,
When your friend messaged her, she thought he/she genuinely wanted information. So she replied politely. When you messaged her, she thought you used your friend to test the waters and then contacted her. She felt kind of betrayed and thought you were playing tricks on her. So she got angry and told you she can never be friends with you. Like I told you several times, apply no contact for 45 days and then send her the letter. That's the only way you can open up communications between you two.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for taking the time to message me I am most grateful.
She was very very angry in her response to me, as she said I have blew anychance of any friendship in the future, esp all the things I have done in past, harrassing, outing etc.. She said she does not want a friencd like that in her life as be falsh, let alone get back together, she told my friend, she wants me to move on and be happy, but it is never going to happen with her. Is this now truth speaking?
Yes, she does feel like it right now. But understand that she is angry. Do you remember any time when you were angry and you felt something was true. But then you calmed down and realize that it wasn't. There is a chance if you follow no contact for 45 days and then send her the letter as described in the article.
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
She got in touch today saying she called me by accident. she wants me out her life for good shes had think about all the bad ive done and shes no longer sending the voychers. why she had change if heart and i havent replied or done anything shes saying she getting police too why one day cival nextt nast
You have to stop answering her calls and apply no contact. Stop trying to figure out what her actions and her words mean. It will not help you in any way. Do as I told you to do.
You have to stop answering her calls and apply no contact. Stop trying to figure out what her actions and her words mean. It will not help you in any way. Do as I told you to do.
You have to stop answering her calls and apply no contact. Stop trying to figure out what her actions and her words mean. It will not help you in any way. Do as I told you to do.
You have to stop answering her calls and apply no contact. Stop trying to figure out what her actions and her words mean. It will not help you in any way. Do as I told you to do.
You have to stop answering her calls and apply no contact. Stop trying to figure out what her actions and her words mean. It will not help you in any way. Do as I told you to do.
You have to stop answering her calls and apply no contact. Stop trying to figure out what her actions and her words mean. It will not help you in any way. Do as I told you to do.
Ok thanks as its been 6 weeks already and now 45 days starting nc... what are chances off her moving on. and why would she tell me thats she isnt using the vouchers on anyone else but her mum
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
She got in touch today saying she called me by accident. she wants me out her life for good shes had think about all the bad ive done and shes no longer sending the voychers. why she had change if heart and i havent replied or done anything shes saying she getting police too why one day cival nextt nast
Ok thanks as its been 6 weeks already and now 45 days starting nc... what are chances off her moving on. and why would she tell me thats she isnt using the vouchers on anyone else but her mum
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
She got in touch today saying she called me by accident. she wants me out her life for good shes had think about all the bad ive done and shes no longer sending the voychers. why she had change if heart and i havent replied or done anything shes saying she getting police too why one day cival nextt nast
Ok thanks as its been 6 weeks already and now 45 days starting nc... what are chances off her moving on. and why would she tell me thats she isnt using the vouchers on anyone else but her mum
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
She got in touch today saying she called me by accident. she wants me out her life for good shes had think about all the bad ive done and shes no longer sending the voychers. why she had change if heart and i havent replied or done anything shes saying she getting police too why one day cival nextt nast
Ok thanks as its been 6 weeks already and now 45 days starting nc... what are chances off her moving on. and why would she tell me thats she isnt using the vouchers on anyone else but her mum
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
She got in touch today saying she called me by accident. she wants me out her life for good shes had think about all the bad ive done and shes no longer sending the voychers. why she had change if heart and i havent replied or done anything shes saying she getting police too why one day cival nextt nast
Ok thanks as its been 6 weeks already and now 45 days starting nc... what are chances off her moving on. and why would she tell me thats she isnt using the vouchers on anyone else but her mum
And to add, she just emailed me out blue to say Sorry I don't have your white top, I will look for it. I said thank you do you have the vouchers we got bought us for London, she replied sorry you cvan't have the ones my family bought, but you can have the ones I bought.....
What do you make to this?
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
.
Yes, you do have a chance. There is always a chance she will move on during this time but I think it's very less and it's very important for you to do this no contact.
Yes, you do have a chance. There is always a chance she will move on during this time but I think it's very less and it's very important for you to do this no contact.
Yes, you do have a chance. There is always a chance she will move on during this time but I think it's very less and it's very important for you to do this no contact.
Yes, you do have a chance. There is always a chance she will move on during this time but I think it's very less and it's very important for you to do this no contact.
Yes, you do have a chance. There is always a chance she will move on during this time but I think it's very less and it's very important for you to do this no contact.
Yes, you do have a chance. There is always a chance she will move on during this time but I think it's very less and it's very important for you to do this no contact.
And i.had a miss call from her. How can this not mean anything?
It does mean something. It means she is thinking about you. But you should still follow no contact rule and do as I said before.
It does mean something. It means she is thinking about you. But you should still follow no contact rule and do as I said before.
It does mean something. It means she is thinking about you. But you should still follow no contact rule and do as I said before.
It does mean something. It means she is thinking about you. But you should still follow no contact rule and do as I said before.
It does mean something. It means she is thinking about you. But you should still follow no contact rule and do as I said before.
It does mean something. It means she is thinking about you. But you should still follow no contact rule and do as I said before.
It doesn't mean anything. You still need to apply no contact. If she contacts you again, don't reply.
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
.
And i.had a miss call from her. How can this not mean anything?
It doesn't mean anything. You still need to apply no contact. If she contacts you again, don't reply.
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
.
And i.had a miss call from her. How can this not mean anything?
It doesn't mean anything. You still need to apply no contact. If she contacts you again, don't reply.
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
.
And i.had a miss call from her. How can this not mean anything?
It doesn't mean anything. You still need to apply no contact. If she contacts you again, don't reply.
Ok so no contact for 45 days then the letter?
Do you still feel I have a chance as after 45 days will be almost 3 months since we split? So do you feel still have chance?
.
And i.had a miss call from her. How can this not mean anything?
It doesn't mean anything. You still need to apply no contact. If she contacts you again, don't reply.
Yes, she does feel like it right now. But understand that she is angry. Do you remember any time when you were angry and you felt something was true. But then you calmed down and realize that it wasn't. There is a chance if you follow no contact for 45 days and then send her the letter as described in the article.
And to add, she just emailed me out blue to say Sorry I don't have your white top, I will look for it. I said thank you do you have the vouchers we got bought us for London, she replied sorry you cvan't have the ones my family bought, but you can have the ones I bought.....
What do you make to this?
Yes, she does feel like it right now. But understand that she is angry. Do you remember any time when you were angry and you felt something was true. But then you calmed down and realize that it wasn't. There is a chance if you follow no contact for 45 days and then send her the letter as described in the article.
And to add, she just emailed me out blue to say Sorry I don't have your white top, I will look for it. I said thank you do you have the vouchers we got bought us for London, she replied sorry you cvan't have the ones my family bought, but you can have the ones I bought.....
What do you make to this?
Yes, she does feel like it right now. But understand that she is angry. Do you remember any time when you were angry and you felt something was true. But then you calmed down and realize that it wasn't. There is a chance if you follow no contact for 45 days and then send her the letter as described in the article.
And to add, she just emailed me out blue to say Sorry I don't have your white top, I will look for it. I said thank you do you have the vouchers we got bought us for London, she replied sorry you cvan't have the ones my family bought, but you can have the ones I bought.....
What do you make to this?
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for taking the time to message me I am most grateful.
She was very very angry in her response to me, as she said I have blew anychance of any friendship in the future, esp all the things I have done in past, harrassing, outing etc.. She said she does not want a friencd like that in her life as be falsh, let alone get back together, she told my friend, she wants me to move on and be happy, but it is never going to happen with her. Is this now truth speaking?
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for taking the time to message me I am most grateful.
She was very very angry in her response to me, as she said I have blew anychance of any friendship in the future, esp all the things I have done in past, harrassing, outing etc.. She said she does not want a friencd like that in her life as be falsh, let alone get back together, she told my friend, she wants me to move on and be happy, but it is never going to happen with her. Is this now truth speaking?
Hey Lou,
When your friend messaged her, she thought he/she genuinely wanted information. So she replied politely. When you messaged her, she thought you used your friend to test the waters and then contacted her. She felt kind of betrayed and thought you were playing tricks on her. So she got angry and told you she can never be friends with you. Like I told you several times, apply no contact for 45 days and then send her the letter. That's the only way you can open up communications between you two.
How do you apply the 30 days contact if we have child together? I am so confuse and lost.
It's mentioned in this article.
It's mentioned in this article.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I were together for four years. In November we decided to take a break from each other for a few weeks. I was going through some depression issues and we were both a little unhappy in our own lives. We spent a couple days apart from each other but continued to be together for another two months. We did not spend the same amount of time together as we did before, but when we were together everything was great.
In February, she told me that she did not think it was a good idea for us to hang out anymore. She would say things like, I just need space, or, I can't see us getting back together for another couple months. She has also continued to tell me how much she loves and cares about me. I found out from my friend, who lives with her, that she had started seeing someone else. It was a guy from her work who had always been "just a friend". Like most guys, I made the mistake of over contacting my ex and trying to reason with her. That went on for a couple weeks.
We have had to see each other because we are in the same social circle. Each time we are together, she makes it a point to talk to me and things seem normal between us. She says that it is because we are "just friends".
I have not spoken to her in 3 weeks and she has continued to see this other guy. It my eyes, I think it is a rebound. She jumped from our long term relationship right into another one. He is 12 years her senior, which is a way bigger deal when you are in your 20's.
Wanted to get your opinion. I've read a lot of your material about breakups and rebound relationships. To me, our relationship was very solid and it feels like it was just the wrong time for the both of us. It also seems like her relationship with this guy is the definition of a rebound.
Thanks!
Hey,
I agree that it's probably a rebound. Let her have her rebound and continue no contact for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with her. I'll also recommend you go on a few dates before the end of no contact.
Hey,
I agree that it's probably a rebound. Let her have her rebound and continue no contact for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with her. I'll also recommend you go on a few dates before the end of no contact.
Hi Kevin,
So I do what have you suggested for me and now I'm only in two days of NC. Life has been good and I managed to go on but sometimes still thinks about him. But today suddenly he text me asking why I treat him like that (for being angry and yell at him for what he does which was lied to me). So I think he is still angry and need explanation but I didn't text him back yet cause I don't know if I should do that or continue my NC. What do you suggest? Thank you.
Continue no contact. If he contacts you again, tell him you need some space and time you will appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Continue no contact. If he contacts you again, tell him you need some space and time you will appreciate it if he doesn't contact you for a while.
Kevin,
Hi. About three years ago, I was courting a girl that I really liked and she had feelings for me as well. I took her on a date, wined and dined her, and we shared our first kiss. I shared my feelings with her a couple of days later, and she said she felt the same way. She showed interest in wanting to date me, but changed her mind later (Not knowing her past, she had just ended a relationship before she went on a date with me). At the time, we lived about three hours away from each other and I was in a pretty rigorous school, and she was in nursing school. She later shared with me that she couldn't balance school, a long distance, new relationship, and get over her ex all at the same time. Obviously, I was pretty devastated, and like your article, I exhibited some of the same traits we as humans do when we want to hold on to something precious. As a result, I could feel she was growing annoyed and uninterested, and as a last ditch effort, I asked if I could send her a gift...she said yes. I sent her the gift (which was a hand-made card with a short, friendly note, and non-vulgar jokes on the opposite side, and a small stuffed animal). She hated the gift (I think she was just conceding when she said I could send her something, I think she was dating someone else at the time, and did not know how to tell me), blocked me from Facebook, and emailed me saying that she thinks it's best not to contact her anymore. So, I have not contacted her since. It's been three years and I still think about her. I noticed about three months after she sent that email, she unblocked me from Facebook, but I was not sure if that meant anything or not.
What do you think?
If it's been three years, you should contact her. If her reply is favorable, then ask her out. If not, move on.
If it's been three years, you should contact her. If her reply is favorable, then ask her out. If not, move on.
Hey Kevin,
I got dumped about 4 weeks ago. We had been together for a little over 2 months. It was short, but we started fast and were both really happy and excited. Then she started having feelings about commitment she didn't understand, said she just needed to think through them and that everything would be fine. A couple weeks after that, she told me she was thinking about breaking up with me but it made her so sad, she decided not to. Then two weeks later, she did break up with me, saying she just didn't see a future for us. I took it really well, was mature, didn't try to change her mind. I told her that wasn't what I wanted but respected her decision, told her that I had been happy with her and thanked her for everything.
A week after that, she texted me about her cat. I responded, but didn't prolong the conversation.
Then this past weekend, I decided that if everyone else gets to have moments of weakness, than so do I! I had walked past a place where she had done something silly on one of our first dates, and told her I passed it and hoped she was doing great. I didn't think she would respond, but she did. In addition to responding to my note, she also said she misses my smile. Why would she say that?! She's the kind of girl who makes up her mind and doesn't go back, yet she misses my smile.
It seems to me like there is a chance. I did no contact for 4 weeks, except for when she texted me 3 weeks ago. I'd really like to ask her to walk my dog or something in another couple weeks. What do you think?!
Thanks!
Go ahead. Everyone changes their mind when they realize they made a mistake. She is no different.
Go ahead. Everyone changes their mind when they realize they made a mistake. She is no different.
Hey...
My fiance of four years broke up with me five days ago. I have just told him gently that I cannot be in contact for a while, since he texted me asking if I wanted to go to the movies with him and some of our friends. (He apologized after his mother -who loves me and is heartbroken about our break up- told him it was inappropriate to ask me to just be friends after 5 days).
I know exactly where and why our relationship went wrong, and we ended it not with a "I don't love you" or a "I don't want you in my life", but with him saying he didn't know who he was anymore and he needed to be on his own. I completely understand, but it's still hugely painful. He had always treated me like a queen, and sure, we've had disagreements, etc, but never anything bad.
He'd always gone above and beyond to show me how much he loved me, and frankly, no one saw this coming. Only I knew how co-dependent we were becoming, especially him, and I think some time apart would be good for us. A total break up, on the other hand, was a bit of a shock. But I am dealing with it, and our friends our very supportive and kind. I just don't really know what to do with his trying to just be friends all of the sudden. I have never been through something like this, and I know I most definitely want to be with him again someday.... just not right now. When we have both had time to re-evaluate our lives and find ourselves again, perhaps.
I feel lucky that his mother is so supportive and kind to me, and hopes that I will succeed in getting back together with him someday. That isn't common, and I am grateful that after everything, she still considers me family and loves me. It's really helped me find some peace.
I'm planning on making a bunch of positive changes in my life, and I hope and pray he does the same, and can find happiness without me first, so, hopefully, we can someday be happy together again.
I look forward to reading your emails etc. Thank you for this!
~Kristi
Hey Kristi,
You didn't ask a question, so I will just tell you that I think you two have a pretty good chance of ending up together in the future and wish you best in your life.
Thank you... I appreciate it! I didn't really have a question. I suppose most of them were answered via the article above. I mainly wanted to say thanks in advance and how much I appreciate any assistance. ^_^
Thank you... I appreciate it! I didn't really have a question. I suppose most of them were answered via the article above. I mainly wanted to say thanks in advance and how much I appreciate any assistance. ^_^
Thank you... I appreciate it! I didn't really have a question. I suppose most of them were answered via the article above. I mainly wanted to say thanks in advance and how much I appreciate any assistance. ^_^
Also, tomorrow would have been our four year anniversary of engagement.... so it gonna be a rough day for me. Must find a suitable distraction!
Hey Kristi,
You didn't ask a question, so I will just tell you that I think you two have a pretty good chance of ending up together in the future and wish you best in your life.
Also, tomorrow would have been our four year anniversary of engagement.... so it gonna be a rough day for me. Must find a suitable distraction!
Great article!!!! Well I need help, to sum up we both were our longest relationship (1 year and 2 months). Even before dating i was clear to him that I would be eventually moving out to California, I'm currently living in boston. Anyways he was getting serious about us but he wanted me to stay and I got scared and started pushing him away until he broke up with me. Problem is we work together and though we broke up on friendly terms (stupid thing to do really) it did not end well. That was around november last year. I started a cold war around December because he was acting like a douchebag and it wasn't healthy for me in any way so I chose to ignore him by text and at work. It has been 5 months since we broke up and 3 of ignoring each other completely. Truth is I'm over this stupid but at that moment necessary cold war. Should I text him that from now on I won't avoid him anymore at work because at this point looks stupid? I don't want to get back with him cause I am movin g out in about 4 months but I am tired of avoiding eachh other at work... Need help -.-
Sure go ahead. But if you don't want to get back together, you are inviting confusion and mixed feelings by getting back in touch with him. Are you sure you can handle that. Wouldn't it be easier to just keep ignoring each other for 4 more months and have the peace of mind you have currently?
You're amazing haha really. I mean I do have peace now but it stresses me when I decide to take my lunch at the breakroom and i see he is there I inmediately turn around and go somewhere else. Should I keep doing that? I mean avoiding being in the same room ? Or just stay and don't care if he likes it or not? And about the the text I thought about saying that as coworkers I would treat him like a coworker by stop avoiding him and saying hello even if he didn't reply back but that if he wanted to keep avoiding me is fine by me. Just he can't expect the same from me anymore. But after reading what u said maybe I shouldn't warn him and just stop avoiding him (I would still stick to the cold war lol) . What you think? Thank you so much btw!!!!
I think you shouldn't text him but stop avoiding him like that. Don't make yourself uncomfortable just for the sake of avoiding him.
I think you shouldn't text him but stop avoiding him like that. Don't make yourself uncomfortable just for the sake of avoiding him.
I think you shouldn't text him but stop avoiding him like that. Don't make yourself uncomfortable just for the sake of avoiding him.
I think you shouldn't text him but stop avoiding him like that. Don't make yourself uncomfortable just for the sake of avoiding him.
You're amazing haha really. I mean I do have peace now but it stresses me when I decide to take my lunch at the breakroom and i see he is there I inmediately turn around and go somewhere else. Should I keep doing that? I mean avoiding being in the same room ? Or just stay and don't care if he likes it or not? And about the the text I thought about saying that as coworkers I would treat him like a coworker by stop avoiding him and saying hello even if he didn't reply back but that if he wanted to keep avoiding me is fine by me. Just he can't expect the same from me anymore. But after reading what u said maybe I shouldn't warn him and just stop avoiding him (I would still stick to the cold war lol) . What you think? Thank you so much btw!!!!
You're amazing haha really. I mean I do have peace now but it stresses me when I decide to take my lunch at the breakroom and i see he is there I inmediately turn around and go somewhere else. Should I keep doing that? I mean avoiding being in the same room ? Or just stay and don't care if he likes it or not? And about the the text I thought about saying that as coworkers I would treat him like a coworker by stop avoiding him and saying hello even if he didn't reply back but that if he wanted to keep avoiding me is fine by me. Just he can't expect the same from me anymore. But after reading what u said maybe I shouldn't warn him and just stop avoiding him (I would still stick to the cold war lol) . What you think? Thank you so much btw!!!!
Sure go ahead. But if you don't want to get back together, you are inviting confusion and mixed feelings by getting back in touch with him. Are you sure you can handle that. Wouldn't it be easier to just keep ignoring each other for 4 more months and have the peace of mind you have currently?
Hey Kevin. After three weeks of no contact I texted my ex and said that I watched a movie that we watched the first time I was at her place and said that it reminded me of her. I asked her how she was doing and we texted for a good 40 minutes. Everything went fine and she didn't seem bothered by me at all. Now my question is, how should I continue this? We attend the same school and were in the same class so it's a little awkward if I only text her and then in school I ignore her. I have an idea of asking her if she wants to meet up in a week or something but what would you recommend that I do?
Sincerely, Johan
Don't ignore her completely at school. Treat her like an acquaintance and be cordial. Continue texting and then ask her out as you plan to do.
Don't ignore her completely at school. Treat her like an acquaintance and be cordial. Continue texting and then ask her out as you plan to do.
Kevin,
I am 37 and my ex is 35. I have never been married and have no kids, and my ex has been married before and has two boys age 7 and 13. My ex and I fell in love at first sight. It was a whirlwind of emotions and an engagement came 7 months later. 6 months later I was falsely accused of a crime and arrested. We had to call off our summer wedding, but my ex and I secretly dated and we were together for another 11 months. I moved closer to her, but my case never had an end in sight. She asked for a break in February due to the stress of my case, the stress from her child custody hearing with her awful ex, and these sudden feelings she had for a guy "friend" at church. I was upset at first and we had a few discussions back and forth via texts, but I have been giving her space for the last 40 days now. She has been doing friendly activities with this guy like hiking a couple times, game night with the kids, and a movie with the kids too. She did text me three weeks ago asking what is going on with my case and asking when it is going to be over. The good news is it looks like in 10 days it will all finally end. I will notify her when it's over, and then follow your guide to win her back. I know the stress of all of this is what caused her to ask for a break, and I am hoping this guy is just a distraction (he just went through divorce #2 as well). Any advice for someone in my situation?
Yes, get back in touch when it’s over. Then slowly start texting her and eventually ask her out.
Yes, get back in touch when it’s over. Then slowly start texting her and eventually ask her out.
hi Kevin -
Just an update, per my earlier post, I emailed an ex I had not talked to in six months. He wrote back the next morning and we exchanged a bit of friendly banter, and he asked me if I was doing a public event soon (I'm a performer). I told him "no", nothing in the near future, and he said he was going out of town that night for a long weekend. I then mentioned (perhaps I was emboldened by his suggestion) I was going to a bar/restaurant in his town where we went once (he lives next town over) and jokingly said "I guess I won't see you there!" (since he would be out of state).
He seemed semi-interested in seeing me (at least at a performance) but I'm not going to email him again. To me, that says he isn't interested in seeing "ME". I took the risk of "breaking the ice" after 6 months, and it seems pretty clear that if he wanted to follow up, he has a green light.
Truthfully, I don't expect this. He's still very active on the online dating site. But I do feel a bit "lighter" that things are now on a friendly note although I may never hear from again. Then again, I'm not sure how I'll feel next week. ;-)
Well, I hope you will feel even better next week. I think you'll be finally able to close this chapter in your mind and move on.
Kevin,
I emailed my ex and suggested an outing. His reply was that he could not make it that night but suggested the following week might work. He provided details of the several reasons why he couldn't make it that following night, which seemed somewhat encouraging. I just don't know if I should continue to pursue him. He knows I'm interested and I feel continued pursuit by me could make him back away yet he did leave an opening….?
It seems he does want to meet up and doesn't want you to feel like he is rejecting you. That's why he went into details about why he couldn't make it. I think you should accept the suggestion and then have fun. After the meeting, give him some time to chase you.
Kevin, just an update. First, thanks so much for your advice and this site. I believe you gave me the courage to contact him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suggested a meeting.
At first he wasn't available but then he offered a time he was free and we met. After no contact for 6 months, it was like the slate was wiped clean. He kissed me when he arrived (on the cheek). He was literally beaming at me a few times with that "look" that only guys who are digging me have. His body language was also very open, he moved his chair so he could face me more directly. He confirmed he is still single (I did not ask) and alluded to taking a break from dating (altho I know he's still active on a dating site). Our conversation was effortless, fun, there was some mild flirtation.
When we left and were standing outside, he was looking at me "that way" with a sly smile and said "so, this was fun, we'll hang out/do stuff" and gave me a big hug. He also offered to help me with something we talked about and later that night sent me an email saying it was great to see me, and with his detailed advice/instructions and offered additional help. I emailed back the next day and we traded a bunch of emails. This would most likely entail us being in touch again in the near future.
So now I'm going to sit back and see what happens. I'm trying not to get my hopes up as he may just want to be "friends".
Based on my story, what do you think?
Hey Susan,
I think it went pretty good and he might be interested in getting back together. But like you said, don't get your hopes up too much as there is always a chance that it won't work out.
Hey Susan,
I think it went pretty good and he might be interested in getting back together. But like you said, don't get your hopes up too much as there is always a chance that it won't work out.
Hey Susan,
I think it went pretty good and he might be interested in getting back together. But like you said, don't get your hopes up too much as there is always a chance that it won't work out.
Hey Susan,
I think it went pretty good and he might be interested in getting back together. But like you said, don't get your hopes up too much as there is always a chance that it won't work out.
Hey Susan,
I think it went pretty good and he might be interested in getting back together. But like you said, don't get your hopes up too much as there is always a chance that it won't work out.
Hey Susan,
I think it went pretty good and he might be interested in getting back together. But like you said, don't get your hopes up too much as there is always a chance that it won't work out.
Thanks so much, Kevin. I did wait a few days to reply because he sounded busy AND I did not want to seem too eager….I replied yesterday, accepting the suggestion, and will see if he replies. And I will take your advice to let him chase me after the meeting…thanks again for your help! :-)
Kevin, just an update. First, thanks so much for your advice and this site. I believe you gave me the courage to contact him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suggested a meeting.
At first he wasn't available but then he offered a time he was free and we met. After no contact for 6 months, it was like the slate was wiped clean. He kissed me when he arrived (on the cheek). He was literally beaming at me a few times with that "look" that only guys who are digging me have. His body language was also very open, he moved his chair so he could face me more directly. He confirmed he is still single (I did not ask) and alluded to taking a break from dating (altho I know he's still active on a dating site). Our conversation was effortless, fun, there was some mild flirtation.
When we left and were standing outside, he was looking at me "that way" with a sly smile and said "so, this was fun, we'll hang out/do stuff" and gave me a big hug. He also offered to help me with something we talked about and later that night sent me an email saying it was great to see me, and with his detailed advice/instructions and offered additional help. I emailed back the next day and we traded a bunch of emails. This would most likely entail us being in touch again in the near future.
So now I'm going to sit back and see what happens. I'm trying not to get my hopes up as he may just want to be "friends".
Based on my story, what do you think?
Thanks so much, Kevin. I did wait a few days to reply because he sounded busy AND I did not want to seem too eager….I replied yesterday, accepting the suggestion, and will see if he replies. And I will take your advice to let him chase me after the meeting…thanks again for your help! :-)
Kevin, just an update. First, thanks so much for your advice and this site. I believe you gave me the courage to contact him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suggested a meeting.
At first he wasn't available but then he offered a time he was free and we met. After no contact for 6 months, it was like the slate was wiped clean. He kissed me when he arrived (on the cheek). He was literally beaming at me a few times with that "look" that only guys who are digging me have. His body language was also very open, he moved his chair so he could face me more directly. He confirmed he is still single (I did not ask) and alluded to taking a break from dating (altho I know he's still active on a dating site). Our conversation was effortless, fun, there was some mild flirtation.
When we left and were standing outside, he was looking at me "that way" with a sly smile and said "so, this was fun, we'll hang out/do stuff" and gave me a big hug. He also offered to help me with something we talked about and later that night sent me an email saying it was great to see me, and with his detailed advice/instructions and offered additional help. I emailed back the next day and we traded a bunch of emails. This would most likely entail us being in touch again in the near future.
So now I'm going to sit back and see what happens. I'm trying not to get my hopes up as he may just want to be "friends".
Based on my story, what do you think?
Thanks so much, Kevin. I did wait a few days to reply because he sounded busy AND I did not want to seem too eager….I replied yesterday, accepting the suggestion, and will see if he replies. And I will take your advice to let him chase me after the meeting…thanks again for your help! :-)
Kevin, just an update. First, thanks so much for your advice and this site. I believe you gave me the courage to contact him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suggested a meeting.
At first he wasn't available but then he offered a time he was free and we met. After no contact for 6 months, it was like the slate was wiped clean. He kissed me when he arrived (on the cheek). He was literally beaming at me a few times with that "look" that only guys who are digging me have. His body language was also very open, he moved his chair so he could face me more directly. He confirmed he is still single (I did not ask) and alluded to taking a break from dating (altho I know he's still active on a dating site). Our conversation was effortless, fun, there was some mild flirtation.
When we left and were standing outside, he was looking at me "that way" with a sly smile and said "so, this was fun, we'll hang out/do stuff" and gave me a big hug. He also offered to help me with something we talked about and later that night sent me an email saying it was great to see me, and with his detailed advice/instructions and offered additional help. I emailed back the next day and we traded a bunch of emails. This would most likely entail us being in touch again in the near future.
So now I'm going to sit back and see what happens. I'm trying not to get my hopes up as he may just want to be "friends".
Based on my story, what do you think?
Thanks so much, Kevin. I did wait a few days to reply because he sounded busy AND I did not want to seem too eager….I replied yesterday, accepting the suggestion, and will see if he replies. And I will take your advice to let him chase me after the meeting…thanks again for your help! :-)
Kevin, just an update. First, thanks so much for your advice and this site. I believe you gave me the courage to contact him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suggested a meeting.
At first he wasn't available but then he offered a time he was free and we met. After no contact for 6 months, it was like the slate was wiped clean. He kissed me when he arrived (on the cheek). He was literally beaming at me a few times with that "look" that only guys who are digging me have. His body language was also very open, he moved his chair so he could face me more directly. He confirmed he is still single (I did not ask) and alluded to taking a break from dating (altho I know he's still active on a dating site). Our conversation was effortless, fun, there was some mild flirtation.
When we left and were standing outside, he was looking at me "that way" with a sly smile and said "so, this was fun, we'll hang out/do stuff" and gave me a big hug. He also offered to help me with something we talked about and later that night sent me an email saying it was great to see me, and with his detailed advice/instructions and offered additional help. I emailed back the next day and we traded a bunch of emails. This would most likely entail us being in touch again in the near future.
So now I'm going to sit back and see what happens. I'm trying not to get my hopes up as he may just want to be "friends".
Based on my story, what do you think?
Thanks so much, Kevin. I did wait a few days to reply because he sounded busy AND I did not want to seem too eager….I replied yesterday, accepting the suggestion, and will see if he replies. And I will take your advice to let him chase me after the meeting…thanks again for your help! :-)
It seems he does want to meet up and doesn't want you to feel like he is rejecting you. That's why he went into details about why he couldn't make it. I think you should accept the suggestion and then have fun. After the meeting, give him some time to chase you.
It seems he does want to meet up and doesn't want you to feel like he is rejecting you. That's why he went into details about why he couldn't make it. I think you should accept the suggestion and then have fun. After the meeting, give him some time to chase you.
It seems he does want to meet up and doesn't want you to feel like he is rejecting you. That's why he went into details about why he couldn't make it. I think you should accept the suggestion and then have fun. After the meeting, give him some time to chase you.
Kevin,
I emailed my ex and suggested an outing. His reply was that he could not make it that night but suggested the following week might work. He provided details of the several reasons why he couldn't make it that following night, which seemed somewhat encouraging. I just don't know if I should continue to pursue him. He knows I'm interested and I feel continued pursuit by me could make him back away yet he did leave an opening….?
Kevin,
I emailed my ex and suggested an outing. His reply was that he could not make it that night but suggested the following week might work. He provided details of the several reasons why he couldn't make it that following night, which seemed somewhat encouraging. I just don't know if I should continue to pursue him. He knows I'm interested and I feel continued pursuit by me could make him back away yet he did leave an opening….?
Well, I hope you will feel even better next week. I think you'll be finally able to close this chapter in your mind and move on.
Hi Kevin
How do you think, will NC work if he told me that he doesn't love me anymore? but he said he just wants to be friends and doesn't want to lose me..
Thanks
Yes, it will. Tell him you need some space and time and then start no contact.
Yes, it will. Tell him you need some space and time and then start no contact.
Hi! I did no contact for 2 and a half months and it worked like a charm. We met me when we were thirteen and started dating when we were 17 and were together for four years. I swear we have loved each other since the day we met. I broke up with him bc he didnt seem to care (I def had intentions of getting him back and so did he in the beginning), we agreed we could see other people, I did, he got pissed and didnt even want to see me from november thru february. A friend told me last month he was literally crying (he never cries) in his truck to my friend for an hour about how he misses me and wants to settle down and blah blah blah. I texted him on his birthday last week, he was really friendly, I asked if i could buy him a birthday drink that Wednesday, we did and it was great. Very light and we just had fun. Hugged goodbye, we have been texting like every other day since last wednesday (just upbeat small talk) and his texts are still friendly but im usually the one to text first but he is the one who keeps the convo going. If i dont text back within a half hour, he texts me again.. When/how do I know the appropiate time to ask him to hang out again? I dont think he will ask me as he told my friend he thinks i have moved on. I also dont want to scare him off obiously. Advice? Thanks so much :)
Hey Jess,
If it has been a week or more than that since you last met, ask him out again. It won't scare him. Think of someplace interesting to go to where you'd have something to do other than just talking.
Hey Jess,
If it has been a week or more than that since you last met, ask him out again. It won't scare him. Think of someplace interesting to go to where you'd have something to do other than just talking.
I'm so confused. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago through one of her friends.Saying she couldn't do it anymore and that she had felt trapped, controlled, and felt I could never trust her for a while now.Also that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Two days after text me apologizing and saying she wants forgiveness and understanding. I tell her not to dwell and she replies "Ok. Well bye then Ari."I didn't respond back. A few days later, its my birthday and I get a text saying"Hey Ari, I hope you have a very happy birthday." I don't reply til the next day because I was out having a good time."Thank you" she replies Your very welcome....What is she doing? on top of all this she still has some of my things at her place..What's going on? I can't figure it out,I've asked friends their opinion and keep saying that it seems like she upset with me. What do I do?
Hey,
Like I said in my comment over here, you should follow the plan. Her texting you on your birthday doesn't really mean anything. So don't overthink it.
Hey,
Like I said in my comment over here, you should follow the plan. Her texting you on your birthday doesn't really mean anything. So don't overthink it.
Hi Kevin,
So my Ex and I broke up about 4 months ago. She dated some guy for like a month, but they broke up. She then contacted me again through my sister in law and we started talking again. We have been talking for 3 months almost every day. I asked her out about 4 times throughout those months and she would ignore when I would ask and then the next day she would act talk to me acting like I didn't ask. She says she still loves me and says she's not ready to date yet. I have attempted no contact with her about 2 times, but has only lasted about a week when I would get a reaction out of her. It seemed to do something because it boosted her feelings for me more. We would learn more about each other about what we didn't know and she told me a secret she has not told anybody. We have talked about our past relationship a couple of times. We rarely meet up only like 3 times out of the 3 months. We would talk in person, only for a minimal amount of time. She only text me mostly throughout the days, never on the phone. She says she wants me in her life and says there is a reason why I am in her life etc. Though, the past 2 weeks she has not talked to me. I was the last one to initiate contact. Why is she being this way? Could I have done something wrong? I would feel so close to winning her back and be put right back at square 1. Please help..
James, I think she might just be using for emotional support or trying to put you in the friendzone. I'll recommend you apply no contact for 2 weeks, get back in touch with her. Ask her out after a while. If she continues the same way, then you might need to give her an ultimatum. Either she gives you another chance, or you move on.
James, I think she might just be using for emotional support or trying to put you in the friendzone. I'll recommend you apply no contact for 2 weeks, get back in touch with her. Ask her out after a while. If she continues the same way, then you might need to give her an ultimatum. Either she gives you another chance, or you move on.
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago and I'm still having a hard time accepting that he is serious. We met 4 months ago and were inseparable. I normally wouldn't be so devastated over something so short, but there is this intense connection between us and I thought he was the one. We both discussed how natural it felt to be together and how scary it was that it happened so fast, but we both agreed that it felt right. He told me that he wanted to live together so we started looking for places and we're prepared to move this month. He also wanted to take me back home to meet his family next week and told me how excited he was. He would always show me affection, compliment me, and could barely go a few hours without sending me a text telling me how much he missed me and loved me. Our entire relationship was loving, sweet, playful, deep, and fit to go the distance. Then out of no where he breaks up with me last week telling me that he can't be with anyone else and can't do a real relationship. He said that I did nothing wrong and it was his fault for feeling like he couldn't devote time and energy into another person.
He is getting his PhD right now and can be considered a little quirky, he sticks to a strict routine in order to stay on top of everything and has anxiety issues when he feels overwhelmed. He had done this once before after getting stressed out about school but immediately took it back once he calmed down and I assured him that I would stick by his side no matter how intense school got for him. I thought once he had some time to breathe he would change his mind but he hasn't.
We went a few days without speaking and then last night he texted me just to chat about random stuff. Once I found out he was doing schoolwork I told him not to let me bother him and he said "this was not a bother."
I feel like there's no way our relationship could possibly be over at this point. We were too great a match, and made too many plans for the future together.
Please help! I love him and really do feel like he's my match.
Hey Leslie,
All you have to do is follow the plan. In your case, I'll recommend you keep no contact for just 2-3 weeks.
Hey Leslie,
All you have to do is follow the plan. In your case, I'll recommend you keep no contact for just 2-3 weeks.
Hey Kevin,
I am a Lesbian and i was in a 7 month relationship with a woman. When we got together complete sparks flew. Nothing we both have ever felt before. Everything was perfect even with a long distance / we lived a hour and 40 minutes from each other. And with my current work schedule we would only see each other every other weekend , and sometimes for a night during the weekdays as well. During the past few months we have been fighting because she had caught me talking to an ex gf on Facebook. I had no intention on getting back with an EX , me talking was purely payback because the past ex gf had dumped me and kept begging me for a chance and i threw my new gf in her face. I know that was immature , however she was furious because of the fact that i Lied to her about even talking to her. She said she could not trust me . Later after 2 weeks we ended up talking and i told her i will make things up to her i loved her and i truly do. That had happened in january . It seemed like close to february we had been fighting a little bickering on and off nothing serious. But after valentines day 2 days later we had a huge blow out. Since then nothing has truly been the same in addition to her own other stress going on in life , she kept telling me i am adding more and do not need the added stress right now. So we did not see each other another 2.5 weeks then when we did she was cold / a little stand offish but we went for drinks and dinner and she told me she loved me still but the arguing cant go on like this. At the end of the night she just grabbed me and kissed me and we spent the night together. Then suddenly again she acted different for the most part of March. I seen her once and she acted different and said that we cant hook up anymore until things are right because its a distraction. And our relationship should be our focus. I planned a getaway for her birthday where i booked a hotel since her bday was in april we went at the end of March for 4 days. We ended up making out a little bit but that is it . She told me she loves me and everything, of course at the end of the trip we get into another argument because i felt she wasnt as affectionate as before. I know a lot of this seems that my emotions are heightened and i admit i did hurt her previously months before but its like that part bothers me. So when we get home from the trip and i am leaving she says to be how long do i think things will last like this? she also said she doesn't feel the same connection as she used to . I had went home upset we talked on the phone a day later i threw numerous insults at her because i was hurt and she did it back. I ended up apologizing the a day later ..she told me its typical of me and she doesn't need that apology. The truth is i am so hurt because she stopped talking to me like that because she thinks we fight ALL the time. She started talking to some other girl she known for years and had a past with but they were never a couple just friends. I started getting jelous as well. The last time she contacted me was 3 days ago and sent a picture of me and her which said "Picture Perfect but thats it". I am completely heartbroken and I am on day #2 of the NC rule. Do you think thinks will work out in time? She did tell me she still cares and has feelings for me the day i last left her house. But i think the stress and arguing is to much with her other issues she has going on and family problems. Please you advice would mean everything.
Rachel, if you haven't broken up officially, I'll recommend you keep no contact short. 1-2 weeks. And let her know beforehand that you think both of you need some space and time. Since the main problem you two have is the arguing, I'll recommend you work on your communication skills during this time. Read the book "Non- violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg.
Kevin , thanks so much for the response. I guess i did not directly tell you during the argument she had told me that she was Done with me and has been done with me , and realized this the past weekend we spent together for her birthday even more she did not feel the same around me. Although she told me she loves me and still cares also , I don't know if she is talking out of anger because we had a Fight or what not. During this month we have not been together, we have not been together since about february 17th. I know this is all short time periods. It seems we were supposed to be working on us and communication but emotions are so high we end up just arguing. This is why i decided maybe I should do the #NC thing. Is space for a few weeks the proper step at this point ? or should i go for the whole month. Your input is much appreciated.
In that case, do it for a whole month.
In that case, do it for a whole month.
In that case, do it for a whole month.
In that case, do it for a whole month.
Kevin , thanks so much for the response. I guess i did not directly tell you during the argument she had told me that she was Done with me and has been done with me , and realized this the past weekend we spent together for her birthday even more she did not feel the same around me. Although she told me she loves me and still cares also , I don't know if she is talking out of anger because we had a Fight or what not. During this month we have not been together, we have not been together since about february 17th. I know this is all short time periods. It seems we were supposed to be working on us and communication but emotions are so high we end up just arguing. This is why i decided maybe I should do the #NC thing. Is space for a few weeks the proper step at this point ? or should i go for the whole month. Your input is much appreciated.
Kevin , thanks so much for the response. I guess i did not directly tell you during the argument she had told me that she was Done with me and has been done with me , and realized this the past weekend we spent together for her birthday even more she did not feel the same around me. Although she told me she loves me and still cares also , I don't know if she is talking out of anger because we had a Fight or what not. During this month we have not been together, we have not been together since about february 17th. I know this is all short time periods. It seems we were supposed to be working on us and communication but emotions are so high we end up just arguing. This is why i decided maybe I should do the #NC thing. Is space for a few weeks the proper step at this point ? or should i go for the whole month. Your input is much appreciated.
Rachel, if you haven't broken up officially, I'll recommend you keep no contact short. 1-2 weeks. And let her know beforehand that you think both of you need some space and time. Since the main problem you two have is the arguing, I'll recommend you work on your communication skills during this time. Read the book "Non- violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg.
Hi,
I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years three days ago after I found out she had been emotionaly cheating on me. I ended the relationship but I miss her a lot. I know I should forget about her and move on as if she can emotionally cheat once she will do it again.
I have gone no contact. How long do u think I should go no contact for and should I take her back ?
You should go no contact for at least 3 months. After three months, if you think you it's worth it, then take her back.
You should go no contact for at least 3 months. After three months, if you think you it's worth it, then take her back.
Hey Kevin,
I signed up to receive your emails and at some point you mentioned that I should not block my gf in Facebook. The problem is: I did that when we broke up. I also blocked her in whatsapp.
We don't live in the same city. I think she might try to contact me again in a 2 months, when she will be back here.
How to proceed? Should I unblock her and try contact or just wait.
Today is the 30th day of the no contact rule.
Thanks a lot!
It's OK. Unblock her when your no contact is over.
It's OK. Unblock her when your no contact is over.
hi kevin
i worte in a reply to what you answerd me but am writing again becouse i dont want you to miss it and waiting for your reply so i will know how to act or what to do :
so just to remind you what is the case:
my girlfriend broke up with me after 2 years. during the 2 years period we lived together for 1.5 years.
i am 33 years old, she is 23 years old.
in spite the age differences we had great love and everything seemed to be working really good.
a couple of months ago she broke up with me , telling me she feels that she wants to explore life more, try new things, maybe travel, maybe traveling , but then after 1 week she came back because she loved me and wanted to try regardless of her wishes , of course i offered her my full support with whatever she want to do and will try to be by her side and will not let the relationship stand in her way.
since then time went by and a week ago i got home from work and she broke up with me ,it was a complete surprise for me as things where going really good.
this time she tole me that she cannot escape her desire to be alone, she is maybe thinking on going to live in a different country, maybe she will start her degree in a far place, she want to try new things, to just be by herself and search inside her soul what she really wants. she does not know how much time it will take, maybe 6 months , maybe 1 year, maybe 2…
after the brake up she moved back to her parents house and we scheduled to meet up and finish the relationship with a good talk.
she asked me not to ask for her to stay because she is determined.
last night 5 days after the brake up, we met at my flat. we drank wine, talked about the past , complimented each other, i told he i believe in her and i thank her for everything. she told me im amazing and if she was a little older there is no way she would have let me go we laughed and when i told her that i am not going to ask her to stay because im 33 and want stability in my life she started to cry after much wine and talking we went to bed and had amazing sex, out of control and full with passion.
then she left , i texted her that i had a great time, and she answered that she had a great time and that she is happy we met and left a sweet memory from this realansioship.
and now there is a recent devolopment:
she called me sunday night, crying, telling me she is coming to pick all her stuff tommorrow (yestrday) , i was cool during the conversation, and she asked me how i am doing, telling me its hard for her, and saking me how was my day and other questions..
after 40 minutes talk i did a mistake and asked her if she want me to come and pick her up for a sleep over. she said its very tempting but she cant and then said she will come tusday night (tonight).
yestrday she picked all of her stuff , i was at work , she called me after telling me she left the key and took everything, i asked if we are meeting today and she said it will not be a good time for her to meet up but she will come on friday night, i ansewrd her that if she does not want to come i will dont want it to be out of preusure or somthing . and she said that she wants to come.
i want to see her and be with her (yes also sex). but i feel that maybe she will make like more easy for her and not for me… mabye it will help her gradully move on instead of doing it in one go or maybe she is afriad of being alone
maybe im wrong, and meeting her having a nice date togther and fun time , great sex will give me back a chance of winning her over?
im confused , please tell me what you think so i can excute it.
i want to get her back..and if it will mean telling her not to see her then i will , but if that is the case how am i doing it while leaving a chance for future? and when will i contact her?
or maybe seeing her is not a bad idea and she miss me too?
im so confused right now, and waiting for your ansewr.
thank you!
I replied to you here.
I replied to you here.
Hi Kevin,
Firstly, thank you for this – I loved reading it and it has given me a lot of perspective. I wanted to share my story and hear your thoughts.
Until recently (2 weeks actually) I had been with my husband for almost four and a half years. We have been married for almost two and a half years. We never argued and were perfect until earlier this year when he showed signs of depression – which we later realised that it was because he was going through bereavement for losing his mum end of 2012. I was waiting for it to hit and it took more than a year. He was really struggling to deal with it – said he was unhappy and didn’t know why. Anyway, I couldn’t believe it and did every single thing that I think I wasn’t supposed to (email, messages, calls, endless talking) and basically made myself unattractive, needy and desperate. It was the panic of losing him that pretty much turned me into a nut job!
Ok, so two Sundays ago, he said he wants to end it – said he loved me and was attracted to me but did not want ‘us’ anymore. He said he wanted us to be friends and hang out – to which I totally agreed because I was still in that panic state. But great advice from friends put some wisdom in me. I seized all communication. I didn’t even tell him. I am close to his sister – so she told me that she had to explain to him that I needed space. And he kept saying ‘but she said it was ok to hangout’. The first week he sent a text saying that he is coming over and I said I had plans. Later on that week he sent another text saying ‘how about we hang out on Friday’ and I said ‘I will let you know when I am ready to hang out’. Didn’t stop him from sending another text on Saturday – that I ignored. He has stopped texting so that’s good. But he keeps asking his sis for updates on me. I met up with her on Saturday and we had a lovely long chat (not all about him, mostly fun stuff and old relationships). She said she cannot make head or tail of what’s going on with him. But he just keeps to himself (he, the sis, her bf and dad live in the same house up the street from our flat).
Anyway, first week was tough, first weekend was kinda worse, second week it got better, the weekend was worse than the first weekend. This is the third week and I am feeling better. Still a bit empty and lonely but I am dealing with it.
Now this is interesting. Before the break up, I ordered him something that he wanted. It is a soft toy that he was trying to get in the arcades because he is obsessed with this cartoon (he works in a school so gets influenced by the kids sometimes). Anyway, I gave it to the sis to take it over to him and he wanted to call me to thank me or send a text and was asking her advice... then he asked her if he sent a text, would I reply and she said ‘probably not’. And he went ‘oh..’ not the happy ‘oh’.
The other thing that I offered is as I am working and it is term break, I have offered for him to spend a couple of week days in the flat (which I have super cleaned! It was getting really messy towards the end of our relationship). His dad’s place is quite small and the dad and sis’ bf works from home – so I thought that would give him a bit of space. As long as I don’t see him or interact with him, that’s fine. I have my own routine when I get back anyway. Anyway, I was hoping that this will help give him some perspective in terms of what he can have.
I am going to keep this up for over the 30 day period. Because firstly, this will go on till after term break and after that, his sis and bf are on holiday for three weeks. This will leave him alone with his dad – who is accustomed to the sis doing everything in the household. So that might give him more perspective when he is expected to pick up the slack. He kinda had the good life with me because I did everything and looked after him really well. Pampered him too much maybe.
But you are absolutely right! The cutting off communications has worked for me – meaning me getting over the panic stage and thinking about things that make me happy, catching up with friends and finding myself.
Bereavement when a son loses his mother can be a life changing event. He was not seeing clearly and I was not helping. I am hoping (along with the rest of the family) that he comes to his senses and see that he is giving up on the best thing that happened to him..
Do you think, with the right distance and space, he will come to his senses?
Thanks Kevin!
Yes, I do think so. I think you are handling everything very well. All the best.
Yes, I do think so. I think you are handling everything very well. All the best.
Hi Kevin
Do you have any email id to contact you? Would really appreciate it.Need some help desperately.
You can contact me using this contact page. Please note it takes me longer to reply to emails since I get a lot of them.
You can contact me using this contact page. Please note it takes me longer to reply to emails since I get a lot of them.
Kevin,
Long story short. My first love and I reconnected after 30+ yrs. We never stopped loving each other. We been together now for 4 years and almost 3 weeks ago he broke it off with me saying I got to clingy and wouldnt give him space. I admit for a few months he has said he needs space and we dont have to be together everyday. I paniced and of course I did get clingy afraid to loose him. He have so much history together. He kept saying im smothering him. I did smother him with my love to much. I did a 2 week nc but I couldnt take it so I texted him letting him know I was thinking about him and he responded back just saying he was out of town. I am so inlove with him and love him to death. I know he still loves me and always will. I been working on my insecurities and my clingy needyness. I feel im making progress. I send my ex an email other day saying I would like to meet up next sunday meet somewhere or meet at his house. He responded to my email later in the day and said he will contact me this week and hes been busy all day shopping and getting things done. Im praying he will contact me. I miss him terribly and want to wrap my arms around him so bad. Do u think we have a good chance to work through this? I know my insecurities and clingy has turned him off and pushed him so far. How do I make him feel the spark with me again? U believe we have a good chance to get back together? I been staying positive and keeping the faith. Oh and he also still has some of my clothes at his house and I have his house key he never took back either so thats what been keeping me positive. Help?
You have a good chance. It seems you haven't even broken up officially. Work on your insecurities and hopefully he will see the changes you've made when you see each other.
Kevin thank you for your respond. Just giving an update. He did call the very next day from work. Kept it brief. He also agreed to meet me sunday watch ball game and play darts with me like we use to. Im just not sure if I should talk to him about taking me back and work it out or should I just enjoy the day with him? Any suggestions how I should bring up the situation? Should I let him know I really missed him?
Just enjoy the day with him. Don't tell him you miss him unless he says it first. Don't act needy in any way.
Kevin,
We met yesterday and watched ball game and also played darts. He complimented saying how good I looked. And kissed me so I whispered saying I missed you. He said he missed me also. Had some drinks which was a mistake cause I brought up the relationship. Told him I was sorry for my clingyness and smothering. I asked him if he will hang out with me when I want to and he says yes we can. He still seemed a little uptight like it bothered him being there. I thought maybe he was bringing my clothes as if to say goodbye for good but he didnt. At the end of the night we had some words said that almost turn bad. I had a buzz going which I wish I didnt. So now what? Should I go again 2 week no contact? Did I screw it up or maybe have another chance with him?
I don't think you screwed up your chances completely but doing no contact for a while will definitely help.
I don't think you screwed up your chances completely but doing no contact for a while will definitely help.
I don't think you screwed up your chances completely but doing no contact for a while will definitely help.
I don't think you screwed up your chances completely but doing no contact for a while will definitely help.
I don't think you screwed up your chances completely but doing no contact for a while will definitely help.
I don't think you screwed up your chances completely but doing no contact for a while will definitely help.
Kevin,
We met yesterday and watched ball game and also played darts. He complimented saying how good I looked. And kissed me so I whispered saying I missed you. He said he missed me also. Had some drinks which was a mistake cause I brought up the relationship. Told him I was sorry for my clingyness and smothering. I asked him if he will hang out with me when I want to and he says yes we can. He still seemed a little uptight like it bothered him being there. I thought maybe he was bringing my clothes as if to say goodbye for good but he didnt. At the end of the night we had some words said that almost turn bad. I had a buzz going which I wish I didnt. So now what? Should I go again 2 week no contact? Did I screw it up or maybe have another chance with him?
Kevin,
We met yesterday and watched ball game and also played darts. He complimented saying how good I looked. And kissed me so I whispered saying I missed you. He said he missed me also. Had some drinks which was a mistake cause I brought up the relationship. Told him I was sorry for my clingyness and smothering. I asked him if he will hang out with me when I want to and he says yes we can. He still seemed a little uptight like it bothered him being there. I thought maybe he was bringing my clothes as if to say goodbye for good but he didnt. At the end of the night we had some words said that almost turn bad. I had a buzz going which I wish I didnt. So now what? Should I go again 2 week no contact? Did I screw it up or maybe have another chance with him?
Kevin,
We met yesterday and watched ball game and also played darts. He complimented saying how good I looked. And kissed me so I whispered saying I missed you. He said he missed me also. Had some drinks which was a mistake cause I brought up the relationship. Told him I was sorry for my clingyness and smothering. I asked him if he will hang out with me when I want to and he says yes we can. He still seemed a little uptight like it bothered him being there. I thought maybe he was bringing my clothes as if to say goodbye for good but he didnt. At the end of the night we had some words said that almost turn bad. I had a buzz going which I wish I didnt. So now what? Should I go again 2 week no contact? Did I screw it up or maybe have another chance with him?
Kevin,
We met yesterday and watched ball game and also played darts. He complimented saying how good I looked. And kissed me so I whispered saying I missed you. He said he missed me also. Had some drinks which was a mistake cause I brought up the relationship. Told him I was sorry for my clingyness and smothering. I asked him if he will hang out with me when I want to and he says yes we can. He still seemed a little uptight like it bothered him being there. I thought maybe he was bringing my clothes as if to say goodbye for good but he didnt. At the end of the night we had some words said that almost turn bad. I had a buzz going which I wish I didnt. So now what? Should I go again 2 week no contact? Did I screw it up or maybe have another chance with him?
Just enjoy the day with him. Don't tell him you miss him unless he says it first. Don't act needy in any way.
Just enjoy the day with him. Don't tell him you miss him unless he says it first. Don't act needy in any way.
Just enjoy the day with him. Don't tell him you miss him unless he says it first. Don't act needy in any way.
Kevin thank you for your respond. Just giving an update. He did call the very next day from work. Kept it brief. He also agreed to meet me sunday watch ball game and play darts with me like we use to. Im just not sure if I should talk to him about taking me back and work it out or should I just enjoy the day with him? Any suggestions how I should bring up the situation? Should I let him know I really missed him?
Kevin thank you for your respond. Just giving an update. He did call the very next day from work. Kept it brief. He also agreed to meet me sunday watch ball game and play darts with me like we use to. Im just not sure if I should talk to him about taking me back and work it out or should I just enjoy the day with him? Any suggestions how I should bring up the situation? Should I let him know I really missed him?
You have a good chance. It seems you haven't even broken up officially. Work on your insecurities and hopefully he will see the changes you've made when you see each other.
How do I approach this contact? I can only email her or call her at work? I think I will wait two months.....hope its not to late :-( hopefully she will contact me first, I hope.
Email.
Email.
Hi Kevin
I was in love with this girl for 6 years,since the 9th grade in school.But I never told her anything about it.She had a boyfriend back in school and they broke up after 9-10 months.We graduated from school and went to college to pursue our respective careers.I kept in touch with her but talked seldom because I wanted to get over her.Somebody had planted in her head that we are incompatible and that is why she used to avoid me when it came to a relationship but couldn't stop herself from contacting me all the while. All this while I was battling rumour after rumour about her and another guy who had supposedly become her best friend in the last 5 years.Then almost after 4 years into college, I finally proposed her in person.She accepted me 2 days after my proposal.It took me a lot of convincing because she refused to think that we were compatible. But she finally did say "YES!".
We were in a relationship for 9 months and it was great.We then had a fight with each other over something,for which I was 90% responsible.I spoke very rudely to her but did not realize that it would go to such an extent that she would start doubting the relationship itself.She said she needed to think if she wanted to continue.But she kept talking to me.Then one day I called her up and asked her if she had gone to meet that guy(her best friend) and if she had why didn't she tell me.Earlier, she had always told me she is going out with him and I had no problems with it.But this time when I asked her she got offended and then refused to pick up my calls.I bombarded her phone with 30-40 calls and the next day she replied she didn't want to talk and needed a break.She would call me herself.
I waited for her to call but she never did.I asked her on text if it was over between us.She said she couldn't think about it.....she didn't know but most probably it was over,and that this relationship wasn't working for her and it was a decision not meant for her.I tried to convince her a lot.But she kept saying one thing only "I don't know".Finally she stopped responding to my texts.She's talking to that guy regularly,most probably sharing all this stuff with him. I told her that we are not breaking up and that she didn't have to reply just because I had asked her if it was over.I told her to take a month off....go out with that guy...go out with her friends,talk to her family and be happy.and then take this decision.I will accept it gracefully and all the respect that it deserves.
I am broken form inside.She's the love of my life and I want her to forgive me and accept me back in her life.It seems highly unlikely though.I am on no contact since a week.Help,please!
Follow no contact and learn to be happy in your life without her. She is more of an obsession for you than partner. I'll recommend you go on a few dates as well before no contact is over.
I don't really have an option of going out on dates.I'm trying to focus on other things but she keeps popping up in my head.I want her back.I think we can work this out.Loosing her means all those 6 years I spent in agony will go waste.Being with her gives me all the happiness in the world.I really want another shot at this relationship with her.Also, she said this decision(to go into a relationship with me) was not the wrong decision but it was a decision not MEANT for her.....I guess this crap came from the guy who's her best friend.He likes her a lot but she refuses to admit this.Also, the worst part of your girlfriend having a male best friend is that she'll start comparing the two of us and I'll always come out worse.
I'll strictly follow the no contact rule but I'm afraid she might never get back to me.She wanted the break up via text messaging as she said she doesn't have the strength to break up with me over the phone or in person.
I don't really have an option of going out on dates.I'm trying to focus on other things but she keeps popping up in my head.I want her back.I think we can work this out.Loosing her means all those 6 years I spent in agony will go waste.Being with her gives me all the happiness in the world.I really want another shot at this relationship with her.Also, she said this decision(to go into a relationship with me) was not the wrong decision but it was a decision not MEANT for her.....I guess this crap came from the guy who's her best friend.He likes her a lot but she refuses to admit this.Also, the worst part of your girlfriend having a male best friend is that she'll start comparing the two of us and I'll always come out worse.
I'll strictly follow the no contact rule but I'm afraid she might never get back to me.She wanted the break up via text messaging as she said she doesn't have the strength to break up with me over the phone or in person.
I don't really have an option of going out on dates.I'm trying to focus on other things but she keeps popping up in my head.I want her back.I think we can work this out.Loosing her means all those 6 years I spent in agony will go waste.Being with her gives me all the happiness in the world.I really want another shot at this relationship with her.Also, she said this decision(to go into a relationship with me) was not the wrong decision but it was a decision not MEANT for her.....I guess this crap came from the guy who's her best friend.He likes her a lot but she refuses to admit this.Also, the worst part of your girlfriend having a male best friend is that she'll start comparing the two of us and I'll always come out worse.
I'll strictly follow the no contact rule but I'm afraid she might never get back to me.She wanted the break up via text messaging as she said she doesn't have the strength to break up with me over the phone or in person.
Follow no contact and learn to be happy in your life without her. She is more of an obsession for you than partner. I'll recommend you go on a few dates as well before no contact is over.
hi kevin,
My ex has been contacting me and calling me but he does not let me calls him. He would offer himself to call me if I wanted to talk. But he always ended it after about 20 minutes as he does not prefer calling much. We had been texting everyday but he does not shows any signs of getting back. But that day, I met with an accident and I told him about it. He immediately gave me a call. And he told me he will come back to our college. And I asked him would he help me with the car? He say, we'll see about that. haha. We broke up due to my attitude of neediness, controlling and I wasn't myself during the relationship. I'm thinking of talking to him about furthering this relationship during June if he keeps on continuing showing postive signs like this. Coz I want him to think about it during the holidays but not sounding needy just by telling him, I'm still waiting. Do you think it would be a good idea?
Yes, it's a good idea. IF you haven't applied no contact till now, do it for at least two weeks.
Yes, it's a good idea. IF you haven't applied no contact till now, do it for at least two weeks.
Hello Kevin again,
I contacted my ex telling him that I was going to remove him from my social sites because I didn't want to seem like a jerk. I told him I wasn't going to be able to be friends like this because it is not healthy for me because I am still attached. He message back saying why cant I be friends? I miss you. I told him I missed him also but couldn't do. He really believes that we can be friends seems like he really doesn't want to lose me completely and he said he was going to text me but he didn't know if I wanted him to. I really do want him back but don't know what to do now.
It's OK. If he keeps contacting you, tell him you need space and time right now and maybe you can get back in touch after a while.
I told him again I could not be friends because my feelings were attached and I needed to move on. He told me "Do you want to date me again? Because then I understand if you don't want to be friends". I'm really hurt and confused why is he saying he misses me now and then shutting down all options of us dating again. Then I told him I would like to talk to him as friends but I am trying to move on. And he says we can talk about anything completely ignoring the fact that I'm telling him I can't talk because I have feelings for him. What does this mean? Is all hope lost? He's talking to other people so I don't see why he wants to talk to me so badly if he doesn't want to ever get back together. He has other girls to talk to. Thanks again
Because he doesn't want to lose you. He thinks if he cuts contact with you, it'll be easier for you to move on and the thought of you moving on scares him.
I told him that I was ok with the breakup and it made me realize what I did wrong such as being needy and controlling and I was like that because of what he did (text some girl for 2 weeks) and I thanked him for doing the breakup because I realized that. He said he was sorry that he f'd everything up and hope someday we could be friends. He started being extremely nice after I said that to him. And now we are friends texting somewhat. It's been a month so I don't see a problem with us being friends. And maybe we will even be able to hang out. Do you think he still has any feelings for me? He told me he cares about me and that's why he wants to my friend and he misses me. But he told me he thinks I can care about him and move on at the same time. So kinda thinking he's completely over me even though it hasn't been long at all. What do you think of all this?
He does have feelings. If you made positive changes in your life, then he will notice when you meet up and get attracted to you again. All the best.
He does have feelings. If you made positive changes in your life, then he will notice when you meet up and get attracted to you again. All the best.
He does have feelings. If you made positive changes in your life, then he will notice when you meet up and get attracted to you again. All the best.
He does have feelings. If you made positive changes in your life, then he will notice when you meet up and get attracted to you again. All the best.
He does have feelings. If you made positive changes in your life, then he will notice when you meet up and get attracted to you again. All the best.
He does have feelings. If you made positive changes in your life, then he will notice when you meet up and get attracted to you again. All the best.
I told him that I was ok with the breakup and it made me realize what I did wrong such as being needy and controlling and I was like that because of what he did (text some girl for 2 weeks) and I thanked him for doing the breakup because I realized that. He said he was sorry that he f'd everything up and hope someday we could be friends. He started being extremely nice after I said that to him. And now we are friends texting somewhat. It's been a month so I don't see a problem with us being friends. And maybe we will even be able to hang out. Do you think he still has any feelings for me? He told me he cares about me and that's why he wants to my friend and he misses me. But he told me he thinks I can care about him and move on at the same time. So kinda thinking he's completely over me even though it hasn't been long at all. What do you think of all this?
I told him that I was ok with the breakup and it made me realize what I did wrong such as being needy and controlling and I was like that because of what he did (text some girl for 2 weeks) and I thanked him for doing the breakup because I realized that. He said he was sorry that he f'd everything up and hope someday we could be friends. He started being extremely nice after I said that to him. And now we are friends texting somewhat. It's been a month so I don't see a problem with us being friends. And maybe we will even be able to hang out. Do you think he still has any feelings for me? He told me he cares about me and that's why he wants to my friend and he misses me. But he told me he thinks I can care about him and move on at the same time. So kinda thinking he's completely over me even though it hasn't been long at all. What do you think of all this?
I told him that I was ok with the breakup and it made me realize what I did wrong such as being needy and controlling and I was like that because of what he did (text some girl for 2 weeks) and I thanked him for doing the breakup because I realized that. He said he was sorry that he f'd everything up and hope someday we could be friends. He started being extremely nice after I said that to him. And now we are friends texting somewhat. It's been a month so I don't see a problem with us being friends. And maybe we will even be able to hang out. Do you think he still has any feelings for me? He told me he cares about me and that's why he wants to my friend and he misses me. But he told me he thinks I can care about him and move on at the same time. So kinda thinking he's completely over me even though it hasn't been long at all. What do you think of all this?
I told him that I was ok with the breakup and it made me realize what I did wrong such as being needy and controlling and I was like that because of what he did (text some girl for 2 weeks) and I thanked him for doing the breakup because I realized that. He said he was sorry that he f'd everything up and hope someday we could be friends. He started being extremely nice after I said that to him. And now we are friends texting somewhat. It's been a month so I don't see a problem with us being friends. And maybe we will even be able to hang out. Do you think he still has any feelings for me? He told me he cares about me and that's why he wants to my friend and he misses me. But he told me he thinks I can care about him and move on at the same time. So kinda thinking he's completely over me even though it hasn't been long at all. What do you think of all this?
I asked him why does he want to talk to me? And all he said was because you said you had things to talk to me about as if he didn't just say he missed me and wanted to talk before I said I had things I would have liked to talk about to him. I told him to have a great and beautiful life and he said likewise. I think all hope is gone. Btw we are only 19 I'm thinking he's just not ready for our relationship. Really hurts because we were together for so long that he only wants a friendship and now we don't even have that.
Because he doesn't want to lose you. He thinks if he cuts contact with you, it'll be easier for you to move on and the thought of you moving on scares him.
I asked him why does he want to talk to me? And all he said was because you said you had things to talk to me about as if he didn't just say he missed me and wanted to talk before I said I had things I would have liked to talk about to him. I told him to have a great and beautiful life and he said likewise. I think all hope is gone. Btw we are only 19 I'm thinking he's just not ready for our relationship. Really hurts because we were together for so long that he only wants a friendship and now we don't even have that.
Because he doesn't want to lose you. He thinks if he cuts contact with you, it'll be easier for you to move on and the thought of you moving on scares him.
I asked him why does he want to talk to me? And all he said was because you said you had things to talk to me about as if he didn't just say he missed me and wanted to talk before I said I had things I would have liked to talk about to him. I told him to have a great and beautiful life and he said likewise. I think all hope is gone. Btw we are only 19 I'm thinking he's just not ready for our relationship. Really hurts because we were together for so long that he only wants a friendship and now we don't even have that.
Because he doesn't want to lose you. He thinks if he cuts contact with you, it'll be easier for you to move on and the thought of you moving on scares him.
I asked him why does he want to talk to me? And all he said was because you said you had things to talk to me about as if he didn't just say he missed me and wanted to talk before I said I had things I would have liked to talk about to him. I told him to have a great and beautiful life and he said likewise. I think all hope is gone. Btw we are only 19 I'm thinking he's just not ready for our relationship. Really hurts because we were together for so long that he only wants a friendship and now we don't even have that.
I told him again I could not be friends because my feelings were attached and I needed to move on. He told me "Do you want to date me again? Because then I understand if you don't want to be friends". I'm really hurt and confused why is he saying he misses me now and then shutting down all options of us dating again. Then I told him I would like to talk to him as friends but I am trying to move on. And he says we can talk about anything completely ignoring the fact that I'm telling him I can't talk because I have feelings for him. What does this mean? Is all hope lost? He's talking to other people so I don't see why he wants to talk to me so badly if he doesn't want to ever get back together. He has other girls to talk to. Thanks again
I told him again I could not be friends because my feelings were attached and I needed to move on. He told me "Do you want to date me again? Because then I understand if you don't want to be friends". I'm really hurt and confused why is he saying he misses me now and then shutting down all options of us dating again. Then I told him I would like to talk to him as friends but I am trying to move on. And he says we can talk about anything completely ignoring the fact that I'm telling him I can't talk because I have feelings for him. What does this mean? Is all hope lost? He's talking to other people so I don't see why he wants to talk to me so badly if he doesn't want to ever get back together. He has other girls to talk to. Thanks again
It's OK. If he keeps contacting you, tell him you need space and time right now and maybe you can get back in touch after a while.
Hi Kevin. I just have one short question about the no contact rule: My ex contacted me on facebook, when both were online. Should I strictly stick to the no contact rule and just ignore her messages for now, or should I give her a short answer? Someting like "I don't think we should have any contact right now." Or does would sutch an action break the tension? I would be the most thankful man on earth for an asnwer from you.
Ignore her first. IF she continues contacting you, then send her the message.
Well, the thing is that, this is the second time she's been contacting me, asking if I'm okay. Is it still to early to contact her then? Should I wait until a third time? And when I do answer her, if I read your answer right I get the impression that I just should say "I'm okey, but don't think we should have any contact right now, see ya" or something. Or am I wrong? What should I answer?
By the way, I have just stared to receive those daily mails when you guide one through every step of the plan. At the end of the mail you mentioned this Ryan and his Relationship Rewind system(to manage Facebook and all that stuff, you know of course) The thing is, I got really confused as I started reading it, as he claims that you DON'T should stick to the no contact rule. And since you really seem to believe that this system is great, do you still don't agree with him about this certain point? Or is Ryans point that you can't think that just not contacting her while siting and doing nothing will make your loved one come back to you
Please Kevin, what should I do? When, and what, do I answer her, and how do I proceed with the plan to get her back? Should you really not stick to no contact-rule? This made me so unsure about how to proceed with all of this...
Yes, you should send her that message if she contacts you again.
Ryan's system is excellent for getting back in touch with them after no contact. I agree that you need to reach out to your ex after. But I recommend a little bit of no contact since it gives you both a much needed space and time and helps remove all the negative association of the breakup your ex might have. It also gives you time to figure out if you and your ex are really compatible each other and is it worth getting back together. Of course, if you follow Ryan's system, even without no contact, you do have a good chance. But in my opinion, no contact is necessary to put things in perspective.
Yes, you should send her that message if she contacts you again.
Ryan's system is excellent for getting back in touch with them after no contact. I agree that you need to reach out to your ex after. But I recommend a little bit of no contact since it gives you both a much needed space and time and helps remove all the negative association of the breakup your ex might have. It also gives you time to figure out if you and your ex are really compatible each other and is it worth getting back together. Of course, if you follow Ryan's system, even without no contact, you do have a good chance. But in my opinion, no contact is necessary to put things in perspective.
Yes, you should send her that message if she contacts you again.
Ryan's system is excellent for getting back in touch with them after no contact. I agree that you need to reach out to your ex after. But I recommend a little bit of no contact since it gives you both a much needed space and time and helps remove all the negative association of the breakup your ex might have. It also gives you time to figure out if you and your ex are really compatible each other and is it worth getting back together. Of course, if you follow Ryan's system, even without no contact, you do have a good chance. But in my opinion, no contact is necessary to put things in perspective.
Yes, you should send her that message if she contacts you again.
Ryan's system is excellent for getting back in touch with them after no contact. I agree that you need to reach out to your ex after. But I recommend a little bit of no contact since it gives you both a much needed space and time and helps remove all the negative association of the breakup your ex might have. It also gives you time to figure out if you and your ex are really compatible each other and is it worth getting back together. Of course, if you follow Ryan's system, even without no contact, you do have a good chance. But in my opinion, no contact is necessary to put things in perspective.
Well, the thing is that, this is the second time she's been contacting me, asking if I'm okay. Is it still to early to contact her then? Should I wait until a third time? And when I do answer her, if I read your answer right I get the impression that I just should say "I'm okey, but don't think we should have any contact right now, see ya" or something. Or am I wrong? What should I answer?
By the way, I have just stared to receive those daily mails when you guide one through every step of the plan. At the end of the mail you mentioned this Ryan and his Relationship Rewind system(to manage Facebook and all that stuff, you know of course) The thing is, I got really confused as I started reading it, as he claims that you DON'T should stick to the no contact rule. And since you really seem to believe that this system is great, do you still don't agree with him about this certain point? Or is Ryans point that you can't think that just not contacting her while siting and doing nothing will make your loved one come back to you
Please Kevin, what should I do? When, and what, do I answer her, and how do I proceed with the plan to get her back? Should you really not stick to no contact-rule? This made me so unsure about how to proceed with all of this...
Well, the thing is that, this is the second time she's been contacting me, asking if I'm okay. Is it still to early to contact her then? Should I wait until a third time? And when I do answer her, if I read your answer right I get the impression that I just should say "I'm okey, but don't think we should have any contact right now, see ya" or something. Or am I wrong? What should I answer?
By the way, I have just stared to receive those daily mails when you guide one through every step of the plan. At the end of the mail you mentioned this Ryan and his Relationship Rewind system(to manage Facebook and all that stuff, you know of course) The thing is, I got really confused as I started reading it, as he claims that you DON'T should stick to the no contact rule. And since you really seem to believe that this system is great, do you still don't agree with him about this certain point? Or is Ryans point that you can't think that just not contacting her while siting and doing nothing will make your loved one come back to you
Please Kevin, what should I do? When, and what, do I answer her, and how do I proceed with the plan to get her back? Should you really not stick to no contact-rule? This made me so unsure about how to proceed with all of this...
Ignore her first. IF she continues contacting you, then send her the message.
Thanks Kevin! I do have other things I am focusing on my job t is amazing.I just wanted to know if i had a chance. No contact will be easy with all the good stuff I have going on. So its not like im sitting around not having fun mostly in good spirits.
Oh and he is the one saying he wants to stay in contact with me but he still saids he needs more time but saids we can randomly text each other now which is weird cuz of the time thing but maybe he finds it hard to stick to his choice if he sees me now that's a good sign right?
Yes, it is.
Thanks for your advice I'm really trying to stay positive hope it works other things in life make me happy it would just be nice to share them with the man I love . It can always improve : )
Yes, it is.
Thanks for your advice I'm really trying to stay positive hope it works other things in life make me happy it would just be nice to share them with the man I love . It can always improve : )
Yes, it is.
Thanks for your advice I'm really trying to stay positive hope it works other things in life make me happy it would just be nice to share them with the man I love . It can always improve : )
I just wanted to know based o his actions and words if he still loves me. If there is a strong chance this could work.
Yes, based on his actions, you do have pretty good chance. But remember, there is always a chance that you will never get back together. So always be prepared for the worst.
Yes, based on his actions, you do have pretty good chance. But remember, there is always a chance that you will never get back together. So always be prepared for the worst.
Yes, based on his actions, you do have pretty good chance. But remember, there is always a chance that you will never get back together. So always be prepared for the worst.
Oh and he is the one saying he wants to stay in contact with me but he still saids he needs more time but saids we can randomly text each other now which is weird cuz of the time thing but maybe he finds it hard to stick to his choice if he sees me now that's a good sign right?
I just wanted to know based o his actions and words if he still loves me. If there is a strong chance this could work.
I need extreme help, I was dating this guy for over 7 years he has my high school sweetheart, my everything ... We were supper close to each other but his mom try to get him away from me ... He cheated on me once on the 3rd year and I forgave him. We got secretly married (no one still knows) and after a few months he lost his job and moved to another state. once being there he lost all communication with me, to the point I wanted to commit suicide, but I was able to over come that and become stronger to the point that I didn't need him any more . He came back and tried to surprise me but I didnt want anything to do with him. he tried, cried, begged me to be with him for over a year and a half and I finally gave in. But I know him sooo well that I thought something was wrong, 3 weeks after we got back together I found out he had a girlfriend for a year. I didn't understand how that was possible, I always had him when I wanted it, he was always there leaving me roses, sending me cute texts... The day before I found out and busted him , he had been at my house asking me about moving in , he went to his house. , went to her house to sleepover , left her house picked me up for breakfast and then picked her up again... I know I said I wouldn't forgive him but I miss him... This weekend I saw him and we had a perfect day, but yesterday he ignored me completely and this morning before him going to work he knocked on my window said he wanted to talk, that he would call me once he got to work , and he did, but then he told me he would call me in 30 mins and still hasn't ........ What can I do?
That guy is trouble. Apply no contact for 30 days. Then ask him to choose between you and her. Tell him he can't fully commit to you, then you will cut him off from your life and move on.
That guy is trouble. Apply no contact for 30 days. Then ask him to choose between you and her. Tell him he can't fully commit to you, then you will cut him off from your life and move on.
Hi Kevin,
So my Ex and I broke up about 4 months ago. I'm 18 and she's 19. She dated some guy for like a month after, but they broke up. She then contacted me again through my sister in law and we started talking again. We have been talking for 3 months almost every day. I asked her out about 4 times throughout those months and she would ignore when I would ask and then the next day she would talk to me and never answer the question, so I would just let it go. She says she still loves me and says she's not ready to date yet. I have attempted no contact with her about 2 times, but has only lasted about a week when I would get a reaction out of her. It seemed to do something because it boosted her feelings for me more. We would learn more about each other about what we didn't know and she told me a secret she has not told anybody, so I feel like she trusts me. We have talked about our past relationship a couple of times and says she's sorry for everything and regrets it. We talked in person 3 times out of the 3 months only for a minimal amount of time. She would text me mostly throughout the days, never on the phone. She says she wants me in her life and says there is a reason why I am in her life etc. Though, the past 2 weeks she has not talked to me. I was the last one to initiate contact. Could I have done something wrong? I would feel so close to winning her back and be put right back at square 1. Please help..
James, I replied to you here.
James, I replied to you here.
Kevin, so my ex and I were together for about a year and half and everything was going great until we both started to use drugs. I had been using for the last few years, and when our relationship started to get serious we moved in together. When we moved in together she started to use with me and it started to slowly rip our relationship apart. After time we both decided that we needed help, and she ended up going to a rehab a few hours away, and I decided to stay and get help here. Before she left we decided that we needed to do this to save our relationship and our lives. After about 2 weeks or so she called me and told me that she didn't think that our relationship was going to work because or our past drug problems. She completed her stay at rehab and decided to go live in a Oxford house in the outer banks, NC. As far as I know, she is going to be there all summer long. After getting clean and working on the things I was doing wrong in my life, I want nothing more then to have her back and show her the love I never showed her. We talked briefly when she was home for a couple days before she left for the OBX. I have texted her one time since she left, and I could just use some advice on what I should do to try and get her back and show her that I am sorry and I love her.
Hey Kyle,
Just give her some time (one month or two) and then get back in touch with her. Use the texts in the article.
Hey Kyle,
Just give her some time (one month or two) and then get back in touch with her. Use the texts in the article.
Our breakup was unusual. I had broken up twice with her before because of erratic behavior that almost seemed bipolar or borderline personality disorder. She's also younger than me, yet sometimes it's beyond immaturity. Out of left field I would feel like I was dealing with a completely different person (but overall I knew she really loved me). She'd blurt something offensive to me or a friend, act overtly flirty to other guys, or retreat to her shell over the smallest things such as if I had a bad day and was in a mood. We didn't resolve what was wrong in our relationship before we got back together the last time. I feel she tried to break up with me before I could with her when we got in a petty fight and I just said "fine". There have been weird games/manipulations since--contacting my friends to hang out (guys she specifically knew I was insecure about), posting a facebook photo after we broke up of one of our nice dates and then denying it had any meaning for her. Most recently she saw a close friend of mine and acted very nice about me that sounded like she still cared, asking him how I was and sounding like she missed me. Shortly afterward, I had to contact her about something I may have left at her house, to which she responded nothing more than "No". I have not contacted her otherwise in 6 weeks. I guess my point is to everyone out there, you may still have feelings for a person, but if you want someone back but you know you did things to hurt them, own up to it and apologize, whether they want to get back together or not. Going no-contact is just a dumb game for those people. I think she still has feelings for me and I imagine a big part of her wants to be back with me, and what I would like her to know is that I would take her back if she acknowledged she has some big problems and needs help. Playing games and trying to hurt me more after the breakup just creates more bad in the world. There are no winners in that kind of game, and they'll only end up with some pushover guy that just allows their bad behavior. Is that going to make you truly happy? I don't know, maybe this is universal, and the guy who wins is the one who just takes it and figures out a way to talk to her about her games and manipulations in a way that makes her want to stop so you can have the relationship you are capable of having.
Hey Lawrence,
I agree with what you said. That's why I advise to get back in touch with your ex after 30 days of no contact in the 5 step plan.
Shouldn't she be the one contacting me? She was more the clingy one in our relationship, and also the one causing the sorts of drama that pushed me away. Still I admit, I carry a torch for her and if she apologized to me and acknowledged her issues, I'd consider taking her back. I think she is too proud to do that, and so am I to the extent that I was mistreated and I can't be the one to reach out to her. Would like to hear what you think in these cases.
Isn't it better to contact her and find out if she's sorry than to just keep wondering for the rest of your life?
Isn't it better to contact her and find out if she's sorry than to just keep wondering for the rest of your life?
Isn't it better to contact her and find out if she's sorry than to just keep wondering for the rest of your life?
Isn't it better to contact her and find out if she's sorry than to just keep wondering for the rest of your life?
Shouldn't she be the one contacting me? She was more the clingy one in our relationship, and also the one causing the sorts of drama that pushed me away. Still I admit, I carry a torch for her and if she apologized to me and acknowledged her issues, I'd consider taking her back. I think she is too proud to do that, and so am I to the extent that I was mistreated and I can't be the one to reach out to her. Would like to hear what you think in these cases.
Shouldn't she be the one contacting me? She was more the clingy one in our relationship, and also the one causing the sorts of drama that pushed me away. Still I admit, I carry a torch for her and if she apologized to me and acknowledged her issues, I'd consider taking her back. I think she is too proud to do that, and so am I to the extent that I was mistreated and I can't be the one to reach out to her. Would like to hear what you think in these cases.
Hey Lawrence,
I agree with what you said. That's why I advise to get back in touch with your ex after 30 days of no contact in the 5 step plan.
hello I have been doing no contact for 7 days now and my ex contacted me on Facebook hoping that i am doing well in my studies should i reply.
No.
No.
Me and my girlfriend of 7 yrs broke up about 2 weeks ago. I am just devastated, losing my mind and everything. I come to find out that she is already talking to someone, and has already kissed the guy as well, 2 days after breaking up with me. She has told me they are just talking, she is not pushing for anything serious at the moment. I told her "Did we break up because of him?" and she says that he didn't have no type of influence in the decision. even though she has liked the guy for some time now. This past Sunday she came over and we talked and stuff, and one thing led to another and we ended up being intercourse. The night before on Saturday she was with the guy as well. They ate out in a restaurant and already met one of my ex best friends. The intercourse on Sunday I don't what it really meant. I don't know if it was a "good bye sex" or what but even before that i just talked to her about how much I missed her and all the good times, and everything she means to me. Im confused, i need help. I havent talked to her since sunday night April 6, 2014. So what would be my best advise? Its killing me knowing that the guy she likes as well works with her in her accountant firm.
Follow the plan Chuck. The new guy is probably a rebound. You have a good chance of getting her back.
Well, that's the thing. She say's she really like this guy. This guy was also in a 7 yr relationship recently and broke up with his girl as well 2 weeks before me and my girlfriend broke up. Now they are going to have there first "Date" Saturday night. I'm freaking out because how can this happen so fast. She was with me 7 yrs and already 2 weeks broken up and they are going out on a date?
It's a rebound. That's how rebounds happen. It's normal. I know the feeling sucks but there is literally nothing you can do to stop them. All you can do is act cool about it and stop acting needy.
It's a rebound. That's how rebounds happen. It's normal. I know the feeling sucks but there is literally nothing you can do to stop them. All you can do is act cool about it and stop acting needy.
It's a rebound. That's how rebounds happen. It's normal. I know the feeling sucks but there is literally nothing you can do to stop them. All you can do is act cool about it and stop acting needy.
It's a rebound. That's how rebounds happen. It's normal. I know the feeling sucks but there is literally nothing you can do to stop them. All you can do is act cool about it and stop acting needy.
Well, that's the thing. She say's she really like this guy. This guy was also in a 7 yr relationship recently and broke up with his girl as well 2 weeks before me and my girlfriend broke up. Now they are going to have there first "Date" Saturday night. I'm freaking out because how can this happen so fast. She was with me 7 yrs and already 2 weeks broken up and they are going out on a date?
Well, that's the thing. She say's she really like this guy. This guy was also in a 7 yr relationship recently and broke up with his girl as well 2 weeks before me and my girlfriend broke up. Now they are going to have there first "Date" Saturday night. I'm freaking out because how can this happen so fast. She was with me 7 yrs and already 2 weeks broken up and they are going out on a date?
Follow the plan Chuck. The new guy is probably a rebound. You have a good chance of getting her back.
Hi Kevin,
I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago, because I felt like I was in an unhealthy relationship. We had dated for 2 years. During those 3 days he kept calling and texting me and asking to get back together and promising that he would change and that everything would be different. Now, I really want to get back together with him (the changed him) and now he is telling me that he is done and that I had "made the right decision" by breaking up with him, even though I regret it a lot now. I want to get back together with him and I don't know what to do. :( Please help! Thanks!
Hello,
Can this plan work if your ex left you for cheating? I made a mistake. I thought she didn't love me anymore and I ended up making a horrible mistake then she found out and left me. I tried telling her it was a mistake and how sorry I was. Begged, pleaded and all those other things that apparently don't work. I love her but she said she can't get past it. Should I try this plan or just give up?
Yes, it can work. Make sure you use the letter in the article.
Yes, it can work. Make sure you use the letter in the article.
hi kevin,
i've been with my ex for 7 years and 7 months. She was 15 back then and I'm 18. Now i'm 25 and she's 22. We've been great together though she feels like i took her for granted all throughout the relationship. I cheated on her a year ago and she found it out mid december 2013 and broke up with me. She then has this new bf 1st week of january. I pursued her and became needy. I was her first bf and the only one she's sleeping with. She then decided to meet with me again around february and we cheated on her boyfriend, we had sex for about 8 times while they were on. She admitted that her new bf is a rebound guy and that she'll still choose me after all and that she cant just break up with her new bf since she doesnt want to hurt her and look bad because they work together. We agreed to keep it a secret for the mean time. she's also allowing me to have a date with other girls. she even greeted me on our monthsary april 2. but i responded badly and said that i cant stay like this anymore and that im not happy with our set-up. i forced her to breakup with the new guy and texted her all day for 3 days. then sunday, april 6th, she said she cant love me anymore and forget everything that she said. we cant go on like this and she realized that what we are doing is wrong. i called her up and we had a quarrel and wants me to stay away from them and her life and forget whatever happened between the two of us while she is still with the new guy. she even called me a loser since i cant move on. SHe wants me to not communicate with her anymore and did not respond to any text that i sent. the last thing i sent is that i am willing to wait for her. She then posted a pic of her and his bf with a pickup line about growing old with him and even changed her prfl picture with their pic together. I know this is directed to me and i know she wants to hurt me. So, i followed the NC rule and on the 2nd day of not texting her. She called, i was not aware that it was her since i deleted her contact info so i picked up since i thought it was my boss. She then asked me this things: where are you? (at home) what are you up to? (none) do you not have load credits to text? (yes) i have something to tell you but i need to go. wait for my message (ok). she never texted. im assuming that she just wants me to pursue her back and she's afraid of me not thinking about her. what will i do if she calls again or text? can i also post pictures of me with someone else or would that be a no-no?
BTW, our supposed to be 8th anniversary is on may 2nd. will i greet her? will i prepare something for the two of us?
If she calls again, tell her you need some space and time and you can't talk to her right now. Then keep no contact for a month. Don't try to make her jealous by posting pictures, it's just going to make you look immature. Don't wish her on the anniversary. She broke up with you. You are not in a relationship anymore. There are no more anniversaries. Contact her when no contact is over. Read the 5 step plan.
what if she greets me on our anniversary? should i reply? or if she breaks up with the other guy before NC ends and says she wants me back?
If she greets you, send her a simple thank you. If she wants to get back, play it cool and make sure she really means it before getting back together.
If she greets you, send her a simple thank you. If she wants to get back, play it cool and make sure she really means it before getting back together.
If she greets you, send her a simple thank you. If she wants to get back, play it cool and make sure she really means it before getting back together.
If she greets you, send her a simple thank you. If she wants to get back, play it cool and make sure she really means it before getting back together.
what if she greets me on our anniversary? should i reply? or if she breaks up with the other guy before NC ends and says she wants me back?
what if she greets me on our anniversary? should i reply? or if she breaks up with the other guy before NC ends and says she wants me back?
If she calls again, tell her you need some space and time and you can't talk to her right now. Then keep no contact for a month. Don't try to make her jealous by posting pictures, it's just going to make you look immature. Don't wish her on the anniversary. She broke up with you. You are not in a relationship anymore. There are no more anniversaries. Contact her when no contact is over. Read the 5 step plan.
And we were together for 2 and a half years. I am 29 and she is 32.
Hi Kevin,
My partner split up with me 7 months ago. Before that we were together for over 9 years and have a 2year old son together, living together for around 5 years and probably 4 years engaged). She always said she wanted to get married but I always told her that I felt that our relationship just had too many arguments and when things got better then we can certainly get married). Prior to the split we were planning to move overseas as I had been offered a job. 3 months after the split I left the country to pursue my new career. Before I left I said a brief goodbye to her and my son. Soon as I had arrived here she starting texting wanting to be with me again. 2 months after that she arrived in the country only to find out that this is not what she expected and decided that it would probably be best if she left the country and went back to home country as that is where her entire family were.
When she was here with me she spent most of her time on her phone texting her friends and family back home, we never ever had time to work on our relationship. To add to it she never had a job here, no friends, family nothing other than myself and my son. She spent everyday moaping around the house and to add to it she had our son who is extremely active the entire day as we had not yet put him into kindergarten. She used the lines that I had not changed and I am still the same person I was. I seem to think it was her that changed, she said that she had made new friends whilst I was away and that she liked going out with them, she also said that she had much more help with our son back home. Since she has been back (1month) we have text once or twice, buts she is very brief!
What do you think I should do in my case. Its difficult to do the 30 day no contact as I like to know how my son is doing and often send her text to ask.
I love her with all my heart and she says that she still loves me but we dont do well together. what to do...? what to do....?
Look forward to response
thanks
Hey James,
I think it's going to be an uphill battle to try to win her back as long as she is in the other country. I guess your best bet keep minimum contact with her for a couple of months and then start talking to her more. Then eventually ask her to give it a try again.
Thanks!
Thanks!
Thanks!
Hey James,
I think it's going to be an uphill battle to try to win her back as long as she is in the other country. I guess your best bet keep minimum contact with her for a couple of months and then start talking to her more. Then eventually ask her to give it a try again.
Hello Kevin,
So I Broke up with my girlfriend by throwing her stuff on the porch, her family got involved( it was a huge mess). I deleted her in facebook so I didn't have to see anything hurtful, but I did see pics of her with other guys( one in particular in most of them). I didn't talk to her for 3 weeks and now we've been facebook messaging and she keeps saying things went to far and that she doesn't know if we can ever get back together now. She says I need help. I told her I love her and I hope she finds whatever she's looking for in life and if she wants to be with someone else that's fine, though it would hurt me, cause I just want her to be happy. But I miss her and don't want her to move on in life without me. She won't listen to me about how sorry I was. What do I do??
Start no contact for two weeks. Send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan. And then start texting her again and approach her as a friend.
Start no contact for two weeks. Send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan. And then start texting her again and approach her as a friend.
Hi Kevin,
Wanna say that I totally believe in your advice and no contact,
Although I'm in a tricky position right now, you see my ex gf of 2months has eating disorder and is not receiving treatment. I was close I thought to getting her help but she has pushed me away since she went back to her home town. I worry a lot and yea it's been just 2months together but I have strong feelings. I haven't called or emailed for over a week, she ended it by text so we haven't spoken.
I wonder in this case should I maybe not leave it too long to contact her as I'm scared for her health, at the same time, I was a little needy towards the end as 1 I felt the distancing and 2 I was worrying myself crazy.
She's younger than me, and might just not wanna know, but I'm also afraid of her illness and it could be what's causing her to end things.
Any views?
Thanks
I don't think it's possible for you help her if she has broken up with you. Does her parents know about it? Does she have any friends who know about it? If there is no one else to help her, then perhaps you should stay in touch once a week and encourage her to get help. If she does have someone, then let them help her and you follow no contact and concentrate on yourself.
I don't think it's possible for you help her if she has broken up with you. Does her parents know about it? Does she have any friends who know about it? If there is no one else to help her, then perhaps you should stay in touch once a week and encourage her to get help. If she does have someone, then let them help her and you follow no contact and concentrate on yourself.
Hi Kevin
I really appreciate what you have it, it is very nice of you for doing this.
I am 26 and my ex is 27, we were together for half year, She broke up with me 2 months ago.
Here is how I see what happened now: she is a very mature, considerate and caring girl. She has made me feel someone genuinely and unconditionally cared for me in every aspect of my life. Sadly, I didn’t even realize what I had and took it for granted. I didn’t see the hint she has been dropping and it hit me hard when she finally said that she didn’t want to be with me anymore. I think she felt she was neglected, not been taken seriously, she sees me as still young and not trying to settle down and not mature.
After the breakup, I have realized what I had lost, and have said and done everything that I could have done to show that she will be loved. At one point, she almost seems to be willing to come back again. But she drifted away because I didn’t give her the space nor the time she asked, or maybe she has more rational reasons that I can’t find out now, she is not willing to have meaningful conversation or to see me now. And I am not sure If she is seeing anyone now.
I know I have acted poorly after the breakup, appeared needy and depressed. I feel like writing a letter to her before I start the NO Contact rule would be a good idea, This letter will focus on apologizing on my poor behavior after the breakup, her feelings, acknowledging how good she is, wish her well and let her know that I am putting her needs before my desire. By doing this she will start thinking I am not needy anymore and have changed or at least realized some important things before I stop talking to her. And maybe she will see me differently and have greater chance to miss me during non-contact time, and this will make me feel like it is easier to start the NO contact rule. But I need your advice ?
Michael
Kevin
to add more information to my previous question, I think she is ignoring my message now again ...i said sry if she felt pushed ... she didn't reply...
I recommend you send the letter after no contact is because it looks more legitimate at that time. If you send it to her immediately after acting needy, it'll look like a ploy to get her to talk to you. But if you send it to her after no contact, it'll look like you actually accepted the breakup during no contact and you are not just saying it to get her to contact you.
Hi Kevin
Thank you for your help. I have two questions really need your input,thanks for your time in advance.
I am on my 13th day of non contact after the break up, but we have broke up two month ago. I have read everything on your website, I know i should focus on self improvement and be happy, but i just can't, I still wake up very early thinking of her.. Whenever I think of her, i tried to distract myself or replaced the unwanted thought. I force myself to go out with people, trying to make new friends. but I ended up wanting be to alone, because i don't have the willpower to talk to them with all myself. or just in general, nothing really cheer me up. I think my friends probably don't want to hear me talking about this anymore, and tired of telling me just forget about her and move on. generally, i feel like i am in a depression, and i am scared of what i realize, i have never been like this. I have been telling myself this is an opportunity to know myself, to love myself and to grow. picking up hobby, making new friends or anything to distract myself, But all these seems like an escape for me, i am not healing ...
1) what should i do kevin ?
I think I was the one who neglected her and not give the love she needed. so she left, that really hurts me whenever i think of this. and knowing what a good girl i have missed. I feel like having the hope of getting her back( she replied me"not now" when i asked her if we are still possible in the future), and fear of that might not happen after this no contact is constantly bothering me. I don't know how painful i would be if she does not come back.. don't get me wrong , i really want her back, and i know the only way to get her back is being an attractive person again. but thinking for myself, i don't feel like my true healing will start or i can become a happy person if i still have hope and not letting her go .... my mind is conflicting itself ...
2) What should I do ?
Michael
Hey Michael,
I know how you feel and it's sort of a catch 22 that you have to let her go and sort of get over her to be happy. And you have to be happy in your life to get her back. I'll suggest you should start by accepting the breakup and realizing that she is already gone. You might get her back, but let's not concentrate on that right now. Right now just concentrate on the fact that she is gone. She is no longer in your life. You are single.
Give yourself some time to feel the way you are feeling. If you feel like being miserable for a while, then so be it. Sit at home and do nothing. Think about her, obsess over her for a few days. Start making a journal and start writing out your thoughts. Write down the reason you guys broke up, the reason you two were incompatible, write down what you want in your future relationships, write down what qualities you want in your future partner. Write down the negative qualities in your ex. Start organizing your thoughts about your ex. Don't try to stop them. Let them come. Accept them. Embrace them. And learn to let them go. Don't try to distract yourself just so you won't think about her. If you do so, you'll never really heal.
Kevin
I am having dinner with her tmr, I think I undertood that I need to walk in with clean slate idea. but I really feel i need to know if she is seeing someone, cuz that will provide me info on how i should handle her ..whether i should give up or not ... cuz if she is totally moved on with someone, i don't think i should keep hurting myself by holding on to her..
since we are meeting in person , is there something subtle i can say to get this info without appearing desperate and needy ? other part of are thinking knowing this info might not do good to either of us .. but I still think being blinded is worse .. please provide some of your insight
I can't think of anything that will not give it away. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on. The fact that she is meeting you probably means that she has not moved on completely.
I can't think of anything that will not give it away. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on. The fact that she is meeting you probably means that she has not moved on completely.
I can't think of anything that will not give it away. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on. The fact that she is meeting you probably means that she has not moved on completely.
I can't think of anything that will not give it away. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on. The fact that she is meeting you probably means that she has not moved on completely.
I can't think of anything that will not give it away. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on. The fact that she is meeting you probably means that she has not moved on completely.
I can't think of anything that will not give it away. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on. The fact that she is meeting you probably means that she has not moved on completely.
HI Kevin
Some Updates:
I have been exchange few texts over last week, she has been responding to my texts, but only during day time. she would not respond during nights and weekend. this make me think she is Occupied at night, perhaps dating someone already.... her attitude through texts are very indifferent to me.. only answers my questions .. rarely ask back .. Over the text, i asked if she has bought the boot as i know she needed one from long ago. and she said no.. so i offered like this " I think they probably have more stylish ones in Asia, Let me pick one for you ?" and she pretty much said yes. so now i am shopping shoe for her, which means i will probably have chance to see her as i need to give her the shoes, assuming she does not regret and not want the shoe anymore at the last minute.
So here is my question. 1. does it mean anything by accepting my offer to buy shoe for her ? am I supposed to not buy gift for her ?
2. I really have a feeling that she is seeing someone, but i don't know how to find out ? what is the best way to find out ? I was thinking i could just ask her over a text or maybe in person if i see her. what should be the exact word i should use to ask this question ?
Thank you so much for your help
Michael
1. Yeah, it means free shoes for her. No, I am against buying gifts for an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
2. Don't ask her. It'll make you look needy. If she is seeing someone, you will eventually find out on your own. Don't try to pry it out of her or sneak into her social media looking for a clue.
1. Yeah, it means free shoes for her. No, I am against buying gifts for an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
2. Don't ask her. It'll make you look needy. If she is seeing someone, you will eventually find out on your own. Don't try to pry it out of her or sneak into her social media looking for a clue.
1. Yeah, it means free shoes for her. No, I am against buying gifts for an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
2. Don't ask her. It'll make you look needy. If she is seeing someone, you will eventually find out on your own. Don't try to pry it out of her or sneak into her social media looking for a clue.
1. Yeah, it means free shoes for her. No, I am against buying gifts for an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
2. Don't ask her. It'll make you look needy. If she is seeing someone, you will eventually find out on your own. Don't try to pry it out of her or sneak into her social media looking for a clue.
1. Yeah, it means free shoes for her. No, I am against buying gifts for an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
2. Don't ask her. It'll make you look needy. If she is seeing someone, you will eventually find out on your own. Don't try to pry it out of her or sneak into her social media looking for a clue.
1. Yeah, it means free shoes for her. No, I am against buying gifts for an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
2. Don't ask her. It'll make you look needy. If she is seeing someone, you will eventually find out on your own. Don't try to pry it out of her or sneak into her social media looking for a clue.
Hi Kevin, did you see my message ?
I think she would reply me when i ask something really doesn't matter much , but with very minimal input ... most case , she just says like yes.. no ..ok.. or just question marks .... what should i do ?
She is cold. You should back off and start no contact again. Or (as you mentioned in the previous comment), you should try to move on.
She is cold. You should back off and start no contact again. Or (as you mentioned in the previous comment), you should try to move on.
She is cold. You should back off and start no contact again. Or (as you mentioned in the previous comment), you should try to move on.
She is cold. You should back off and start no contact again. Or (as you mentioned in the previous comment), you should try to move on.
She is cold. You should back off and start no contact again. Or (as you mentioned in the previous comment), you should try to move on.
She is cold. You should back off and start no contact again. Or (as you mentioned in the previous comment), you should try to move on.
Hi Kevin
I feel like i have messed up again, i sent the letter, she texted me the same day, we chatted a bit about some random stuff over the text... and I called her(stupid me !) ... I asked her to meet up before my coming business trip next week. she said she is busy.. and i push for a quick coffee, I said a quick coffee would not hurt right ? and she said no... i asked why. .. she said ..she doesn't want to.. and she said she will meet me after i come back... i don't know if she means it or just out of courtesy. if she does not mean it ..i really don't want to have false hope for another month.
Is this my fault ? i started to blame myself for being impulsive yesterday, it is really painful feeling. and feeling like my effort for this whole month is just gone ... Am i just having false hope ? i know i can't heal if i keep having false hope..
can you help to understand the situation better ? and tell me what to do ? NC again ? keep texting since i started ? or should i just move on ? Again, doing NC and having false hope and get shot down is really painful.. it reset all my healing effort ...your help is very much appreciated ..
Hey Michael,
It's your decision. There is always a chance that even if you try again, it will not work out. I know false hope can be dangerous. You have to weigh your options and decide what's best for you.
Hey Michael,
It's your decision. There is always a chance that even if you try again, it will not work out. I know false hope can be dangerous. You have to weigh your options and decide what's best for you.
Hey Michael,
It's your decision. There is always a chance that even if you try again, it will not work out. I know false hope can be dangerous. You have to weigh your options and decide what's best for you.
Hey Michael,
It's your decision. There is always a chance that even if you try again, it will not work out. I know false hope can be dangerous. You have to weigh your options and decide what's best for you.
Hey Michael,
It's your decision. There is always a chance that even if you try again, it will not work out. I know false hope can be dangerous. You have to weigh your options and decide what's best for you.
Hey Michael,
It's your decision. There is always a chance that even if you try again, it will not work out. I know false hope can be dangerous. You have to weigh your options and decide what's best for you.
Hi Keivn
Is it better now ? maybe you can help me to edit a bit ?
and do you think i could write the letter with a nice card instead of letter ?
and can i just drop the letter to her car at her work ? i want to make sure she gets it
I am writing to let you know that I understand the decision you have made, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, and I am beginning to see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grown, and I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I was so much younger when we broke up, even though it wasn’t that long ago.
I would also like to take this opportunity to express to you that I recognize the disappointment and hurt that you may have walked away from our relationship. I appreciate all that you have put into our relationship in the time that we had together.
Oh, and I have some good news! Love to fill you in.. But in the future, would not bore you here :P
Sounds good. I won't recommend a card. It makes it look like a romantic gesture. I don't see a problem dropping it to her car, but I'll recommend sending it by post.
Sounds good. I won't recommend a card. It makes it look like a romantic gesture. I don't see a problem dropping it to her car, but I'll recommend sending it by post.
Sounds good. I won't recommend a card. It makes it look like a romantic gesture. I don't see a problem dropping it to her car, but I'll recommend sending it by post.
Sounds good. I won't recommend a card. It makes it look like a romantic gesture. I don't see a problem dropping it to her car, but I'll recommend sending it by post.
Sounds good. I won't recommend a card. It makes it look like a romantic gesture. I don't see a problem dropping it to her car, but I'll recommend sending it by post.
Sounds good. I won't recommend a card. It makes it look like a romantic gesture. I don't see a problem dropping it to her car, but I'll recommend sending it by post.
1) I personally feel the way the sample letter write is simply not enough.
I want to tell her how i feel in some extent. and try to let her know that i have grow and become more mature.
Please let me know what you think, Always Appreciate your time and patience
2) I also feel like i have not accepted the break up.. i mean we all wanted to get back to her, I feel like not being honest.. and would not she think that i have gave up ? and that would be bad if she still have feeling for me right ?
Here is what I wrote
I am writing to let you know that I have made peace with where we are. I want to tell you from bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, I can clearly see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a much deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grew.
I can truly feel and really think for you in your Dior heels. I recognize and feel how much you have been disappointed and hurt. I appreciate every bit of you, love you are the way you are, despite all the perfections and imperfections. You have been always so brave and capable of loving, never gave up on looking for love. You give the one you love freedom and respect. You are compassionate, enduring and you love with a great passion. You are the most caring and warm hearted person I know.
MOST importantly, I just simply want you to have what you wish for.
Michael
Hey Michael,
Your letter screams that you are still in love with her and it sort of makes you look needy. In your past comment, you said you tried everything you did to get her back. I assume you told her at that time how much you loved her. Saying it again is going to put you back in that position.
The way I see it, talking too much about how you've changed makes it seem like that you are just saying it to get her back. It's a better idea to let her see it herself when you get back in touch with her.
Hey Michael,
Your letter screams that you are still in love with her and it sort of makes you look needy. In your past comment, you said you tried everything you did to get her back. I assume you told her at that time how much you loved her. Saying it again is going to put you back in that position.
The way I see it, talking too much about how you've changed makes it seem like that you are just saying it to get her back. It's a better idea to let her see it herself when you get back in touch with her.
Hey Michael,
Your letter screams that you are still in love with her and it sort of makes you look needy. In your past comment, you said you tried everything you did to get her back. I assume you told her at that time how much you loved her. Saying it again is going to put you back in that position.
The way I see it, talking too much about how you've changed makes it seem like that you are just saying it to get her back. It's a better idea to let her see it herself when you get back in touch with her.
Hey Michael,
Your letter screams that you are still in love with her and it sort of makes you look needy. In your past comment, you said you tried everything you did to get her back. I assume you told her at that time how much you loved her. Saying it again is going to put you back in that position.
The way I see it, talking too much about how you've changed makes it seem like that you are just saying it to get her back. It's a better idea to let her see it herself when you get back in touch with her.
Hey Michael,
Your letter screams that you are still in love with her and it sort of makes you look needy. In your past comment, you said you tried everything you did to get her back. I assume you told her at that time how much you loved her. Saying it again is going to put you back in that position.
The way I see it, talking too much about how you've changed makes it seem like that you are just saying it to get her back. It's a better idea to let her see it herself when you get back in touch with her.
Hey Michael,
Your letter screams that you are still in love with her and it sort of makes you look needy. In your past comment, you said you tried everything you did to get her back. I assume you told her at that time how much you loved her. Saying it again is going to put you back in that position.
The way I see it, talking too much about how you've changed makes it seem like that you are just saying it to get her back. It's a better idea to let her see it herself when you get back in touch with her.
Hi Kevin,
For some reson the reply button is not shown here, so i will leave you a message here. I have wrote you an email with the letter I have wrote. as i didn't feel comfortable to post the letter here, I hope you understand and give me some advice.
Hey Michael,
I have been busy for the past 4-5 days. I'll get to your letter as soon as I'm done with all the comments.
Hey Michael,
I have been busy for the past 4-5 days. I'll get to your letter as soon as I'm done with all the comments.
Hey Michael,
I have been busy for the past 4-5 days. I'll get to your letter as soon as I'm done with all the comments.
Hey Michael,
I have been busy for the past 4-5 days. I'll get to your letter as soon as I'm done with all the comments.
Hey Michael,
I have been busy for the past 4-5 days. I'll get to your letter as soon as I'm done with all the comments.
Hey Michael,
I have been busy for the past 4-5 days. I'll get to your letter as soon as I'm done with all the comments.
Hi Kelvin
Thank you for your time and patience. I guess the only thing i can do is be patient and focus on my self, tho it has been hard.
Today, I contacted her by accident, I was sending an email to dealer to tell my car's problem, but i didn't even know i actually sent the email to her until she sent a text to me asking "what was wrong with ur car"? I replied with "lol !!! I had no idea i sent the email to you" and she just said " ...okey" that was all... i didn't go on to tell her what went wrong with my car.. is this bad ? do i need to restart the NC ? if yes, why ?
You don't need to restart NC.
You don't need to restart NC.
You don't need to restart NC.
You don't need to restart NC.
You don't need to restart NC.
You don't need to restart NC.
Kevin
I am having dinner with her tmr, I think I undertood that I need to walk in with clean slate idea. but I really feel i need to know if she is seeing someone, cuz that will provide me info on how i should handle her ..whether i should give up or not ... cuz if she is totally moved on with someone, i don't think i should keep hurting myself by holding on to her..
since we are meeting in person , is there something subtle i can say to get this info without appearing desperate and needy ? other part of are thinking knowing this info might not do good to either of us .. but I still think being blinded is worse .. please provide some of your insight
HI Kevin
Some Updates:
I have been exchange few texts over last week, she has been responding to my texts, but only during day time. she would not respond during nights and weekend. this make me think she is Occupied at night, perhaps dating someone already.... her attitude through texts are very indifferent to me.. only answers my questions .. rarely ask back .. Over the text, i asked if she has bought the boot as i know she needed one from long ago. and she said no.. so i offered like this " I think they probably have more stylish ones in Asia, Let me pick one for you ?" and she pretty much said yes. so now i am shopping shoe for her, which means i will probably have chance to see her as i need to give her the shoes, assuming she does not regret and not want the shoe anymore at the last minute.
So here is my question. 1. does it mean anything by accepting my offer to buy shoe for her ? am I supposed to not buy gift for her ?
2. I really have a feeling that she is seeing someone, but i don't know how to find out ? what is the best way to find out ? I was thinking i could just ask her over a text or maybe in person if i see her. what should be the exact word i should use to ask this question ?
Thank you so much for your help
Michael
Hi Kevin, did you see my message ?
I think she would reply me when i ask something really doesn't matter much , but with very minimal input ... most case , she just says like yes.. no ..ok.. or just question marks .... what should i do ?
Hi Kevin
I feel like i have messed up again, i sent the letter, she texted me the same day, we chatted a bit about some random stuff over the text... and I called her(stupid me !) ... I asked her to meet up before my coming business trip next week. she said she is busy.. and i push for a quick coffee, I said a quick coffee would not hurt right ? and she said no... i asked why. .. she said ..she doesn't want to.. and she said she will meet me after i come back... i don't know if she means it or just out of courtesy. if she does not mean it ..i really don't want to have false hope for another month.
Is this my fault ? i started to blame myself for being impulsive yesterday, it is really painful feeling. and feeling like my effort for this whole month is just gone ... Am i just having false hope ? i know i can't heal if i keep having false hope..
can you help to understand the situation better ? and tell me what to do ? NC again ? keep texting since i started ? or should i just move on ? Again, doing NC and having false hope and get shot down is really painful.. it reset all my healing effort ...your help is very much appreciated ..
Hi Keivn
Is it better now ? maybe you can help me to edit a bit ?
and do you think i could write the letter with a nice card instead of letter ?
and can i just drop the letter to her car at her work ? i want to make sure she gets it
I am writing to let you know that I understand the decision you have made, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, and I am beginning to see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grown, and I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I was so much younger when we broke up, even though it wasn’t that long ago.
I would also like to take this opportunity to express to you that I recognize the disappointment and hurt that you may have walked away from our relationship. I appreciate all that you have put into our relationship in the time that we had together.
Oh, and I have some good news! Love to fill you in.. But in the future, would not bore you here :P
1) I personally feel the way the sample letter write is simply not enough.
I want to tell her how i feel in some extent. and try to let her know that i have grow and become more mature.
Please let me know what you think, Always Appreciate your time and patience
2) I also feel like i have not accepted the break up.. i mean we all wanted to get back to her, I feel like not being honest.. and would not she think that i have gave up ? and that would be bad if she still have feeling for me right ?
Here is what I wrote
I am writing to let you know that I have made peace with where we are. I want to tell you from bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, I can clearly see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a much deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grew.
I can truly feel and really think for you in your Dior heels. I recognize and feel how much you have been disappointed and hurt. I appreciate every bit of you, love you are the way you are, despite all the perfections and imperfections. You have been always so brave and capable of loving, never gave up on looking for love. You give the one you love freedom and respect. You are compassionate, enduring and you love with a great passion. You are the most caring and warm hearted person I know.
MOST importantly, I just simply want you to have what you wish for.
Michael
Hi Kevin,
For some reson the reply button is not shown here, so i will leave you a message here. I have wrote you an email with the letter I have wrote. as i didn't feel comfortable to post the letter here, I hope you understand and give me some advice.
Hi Kelvin
Thank you for your time and patience. I guess the only thing i can do is be patient and focus on my self, tho it has been hard.
Today, I contacted her by accident, I was sending an email to dealer to tell my car's problem, but i didn't even know i actually sent the email to her until she sent a text to me asking "what was wrong with ur car"? I replied with "lol !!! I had no idea i sent the email to you" and she just said " ...okey" that was all... i didn't go on to tell her what went wrong with my car.. is this bad ? do i need to restart the NC ? if yes, why ?
Kevin
I am having dinner with her tmr, I think I undertood that I need to walk in with clean slate idea. but I really feel i need to know if she is seeing someone, cuz that will provide me info on how i should handle her ..whether i should give up or not ... cuz if she is totally moved on with someone, i don't think i should keep hurting myself by holding on to her..
since we are meeting in person , is there something subtle i can say to get this info without appearing desperate and needy ? other part of are thinking knowing this info might not do good to either of us .. but I still think being blinded is worse .. please provide some of your insight
HI Kevin
Some Updates:
I have been exchange few texts over last week, she has been responding to my texts, but only during day time. she would not respond during nights and weekend. this make me think she is Occupied at night, perhaps dating someone already.... her attitude through texts are very indifferent to me.. only answers my questions .. rarely ask back .. Over the text, i asked if she has bought the boot as i know she needed one from long ago. and she said no.. so i offered like this " I think they probably have more stylish ones in Asia, Let me pick one for you ?" and she pretty much said yes. so now i am shopping shoe for her, which means i will probably have chance to see her as i need to give her the shoes, assuming she does not regret and not want the shoe anymore at the last minute.
So here is my question. 1. does it mean anything by accepting my offer to buy shoe for her ? am I supposed to not buy gift for her ?
2. I really have a feeling that she is seeing someone, but i don't know how to find out ? what is the best way to find out ? I was thinking i could just ask her over a text or maybe in person if i see her. what should be the exact word i should use to ask this question ?
Thank you so much for your help
Michael
Hi Kevin, did you see my message ?
I think she would reply me when i ask something really doesn't matter much , but with very minimal input ... most case , she just says like yes.. no ..ok.. or just question marks .... what should i do ?
Hi Kevin
I feel like i have messed up again, i sent the letter, she texted me the same day, we chatted a bit about some random stuff over the text... and I called her(stupid me !) ... I asked her to meet up before my coming business trip next week. she said she is busy.. and i push for a quick coffee, I said a quick coffee would not hurt right ? and she said no... i asked why. .. she said ..she doesn't want to.. and she said she will meet me after i come back... i don't know if she means it or just out of courtesy. if she does not mean it ..i really don't want to have false hope for another month.
Is this my fault ? i started to blame myself for being impulsive yesterday, it is really painful feeling. and feeling like my effort for this whole month is just gone ... Am i just having false hope ? i know i can't heal if i keep having false hope..
can you help to understand the situation better ? and tell me what to do ? NC again ? keep texting since i started ? or should i just move on ? Again, doing NC and having false hope and get shot down is really painful.. it reset all my healing effort ...your help is very much appreciated ..
Hi Keivn
Is it better now ? maybe you can help me to edit a bit ?
and do you think i could write the letter with a nice card instead of letter ?
and can i just drop the letter to her car at her work ? i want to make sure she gets it
I am writing to let you know that I understand the decision you have made, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, and I am beginning to see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grown, and I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I was so much younger when we broke up, even though it wasn’t that long ago.
I would also like to take this opportunity to express to you that I recognize the disappointment and hurt that you may have walked away from our relationship. I appreciate all that you have put into our relationship in the time that we had together.
Oh, and I have some good news! Love to fill you in.. But in the future, would not bore you here :P
1) I personally feel the way the sample letter write is simply not enough.
I want to tell her how i feel in some extent. and try to let her know that i have grow and become more mature.
Please let me know what you think, Always Appreciate your time and patience
2) I also feel like i have not accepted the break up.. i mean we all wanted to get back to her, I feel like not being honest.. and would not she think that i have gave up ? and that would be bad if she still have feeling for me right ?
Here is what I wrote
I am writing to let you know that I have made peace with where we are. I want to tell you from bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, I can clearly see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a much deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grew.
I can truly feel and really think for you in your Dior heels. I recognize and feel how much you have been disappointed and hurt. I appreciate every bit of you, love you are the way you are, despite all the perfections and imperfections. You have been always so brave and capable of loving, never gave up on looking for love. You give the one you love freedom and respect. You are compassionate, enduring and you love with a great passion. You are the most caring and warm hearted person I know.
MOST importantly, I just simply want you to have what you wish for.
Michael
Hi Kevin,
For some reson the reply button is not shown here, so i will leave you a message here. I have wrote you an email with the letter I have wrote. as i didn't feel comfortable to post the letter here, I hope you understand and give me some advice.
Hi Kelvin
Thank you for your time and patience. I guess the only thing i can do is be patient and focus on my self, tho it has been hard.
Today, I contacted her by accident, I was sending an email to dealer to tell my car's problem, but i didn't even know i actually sent the email to her until she sent a text to me asking "what was wrong with ur car"? I replied with "lol !!! I had no idea i sent the email to you" and she just said " ...okey" that was all... i didn't go on to tell her what went wrong with my car.. is this bad ? do i need to restart the NC ? if yes, why ?
Kevin
I am having dinner with her tmr, I think I undertood that I need to walk in with clean slate idea. but I really feel i need to know if she is seeing someone, cuz that will provide me info on how i should handle her ..whether i should give up or not ... cuz if she is totally moved on with someone, i don't think i should keep hurting myself by holding on to her..
since we are meeting in person , is there something subtle i can say to get this info without appearing desperate and needy ? other part of are thinking knowing this info might not do good to either of us .. but I still think being blinded is worse .. please provide some of your insight
HI Kevin
Some Updates:
I have been exchange few texts over last week, she has been responding to my texts, but only during day time. she would not respond during nights and weekend. this make me think she is Occupied at night, perhaps dating someone already.... her attitude through texts are very indifferent to me.. only answers my questions .. rarely ask back .. Over the text, i asked if she has bought the boot as i know she needed one from long ago. and she said no.. so i offered like this " I think they probably have more stylish ones in Asia, Let me pick one for you ?" and she pretty much said yes. so now i am shopping shoe for her, which means i will probably have chance to see her as i need to give her the shoes, assuming she does not regret and not want the shoe anymore at the last minute.
So here is my question. 1. does it mean anything by accepting my offer to buy shoe for her ? am I supposed to not buy gift for her ?
2. I really have a feeling that she is seeing someone, but i don't know how to find out ? what is the best way to find out ? I was thinking i could just ask her over a text or maybe in person if i see her. what should be the exact word i should use to ask this question ?
Thank you so much for your help
Michael
Hi Kevin, did you see my message ?
I think she would reply me when i ask something really doesn't matter much , but with very minimal input ... most case , she just says like yes.. no ..ok.. or just question marks .... what should i do ?
Hi Kevin
I feel like i have messed up again, i sent the letter, she texted me the same day, we chatted a bit about some random stuff over the text... and I called her(stupid me !) ... I asked her to meet up before my coming business trip next week. she said she is busy.. and i push for a quick coffee, I said a quick coffee would not hurt right ? and she said no... i asked why. .. she said ..she doesn't want to.. and she said she will meet me after i come back... i don't know if she means it or just out of courtesy. if she does not mean it ..i really don't want to have false hope for another month.
Is this my fault ? i started to blame myself for being impulsive yesterday, it is really painful feeling. and feeling like my effort for this whole month is just gone ... Am i just having false hope ? i know i can't heal if i keep having false hope..
can you help to understand the situation better ? and tell me what to do ? NC again ? keep texting since i started ? or should i just move on ? Again, doing NC and having false hope and get shot down is really painful.. it reset all my healing effort ...your help is very much appreciated ..
Hi Keivn
Is it better now ? maybe you can help me to edit a bit ?
and do you think i could write the letter with a nice card instead of letter ?
and can i just drop the letter to her car at her work ? i want to make sure she gets it
I am writing to let you know that I understand the decision you have made, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, and I am beginning to see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grown, and I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I was so much younger when we broke up, even though it wasn’t that long ago.
I would also like to take this opportunity to express to you that I recognize the disappointment and hurt that you may have walked away from our relationship. I appreciate all that you have put into our relationship in the time that we had together.
Oh, and I have some good news! Love to fill you in.. But in the future, would not bore you here :P
1) I personally feel the way the sample letter write is simply not enough.
I want to tell her how i feel in some extent. and try to let her know that i have grow and become more mature.
Please let me know what you think, Always Appreciate your time and patience
2) I also feel like i have not accepted the break up.. i mean we all wanted to get back to her, I feel like not being honest.. and would not she think that i have gave up ? and that would be bad if she still have feeling for me right ?
Here is what I wrote
I am writing to let you know that I have made peace with where we are. I want to tell you from bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, I can clearly see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a much deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grew.
I can truly feel and really think for you in your Dior heels. I recognize and feel how much you have been disappointed and hurt. I appreciate every bit of you, love you are the way you are, despite all the perfections and imperfections. You have been always so brave and capable of loving, never gave up on looking for love. You give the one you love freedom and respect. You are compassionate, enduring and you love with a great passion. You are the most caring and warm hearted person I know.
MOST importantly, I just simply want you to have what you wish for.
Michael
Hi Kevin,
For some reson the reply button is not shown here, so i will leave you a message here. I have wrote you an email with the letter I have wrote. as i didn't feel comfortable to post the letter here, I hope you understand and give me some advice.
Hi Kelvin
Thank you for your time and patience. I guess the only thing i can do is be patient and focus on my self, tho it has been hard.
Today, I contacted her by accident, I was sending an email to dealer to tell my car's problem, but i didn't even know i actually sent the email to her until she sent a text to me asking "what was wrong with ur car"? I replied with "lol !!! I had no idea i sent the email to you" and she just said " ...okey" that was all... i didn't go on to tell her what went wrong with my car.. is this bad ? do i need to restart the NC ? if yes, why ?
Kevin
I am having dinner with her tmr, I think I undertood that I need to walk in with clean slate idea. but I really feel i need to know if she is seeing someone, cuz that will provide me info on how i should handle her ..whether i should give up or not ... cuz if she is totally moved on with someone, i don't think i should keep hurting myself by holding on to her..
since we are meeting in person , is there something subtle i can say to get this info without appearing desperate and needy ? other part of are thinking knowing this info might not do good to either of us .. but I still think being blinded is worse .. please provide some of your insight
HI Kevin
Some Updates:
I have been exchange few texts over last week, she has been responding to my texts, but only during day time. she would not respond during nights and weekend. this make me think she is Occupied at night, perhaps dating someone already.... her attitude through texts are very indifferent to me.. only answers my questions .. rarely ask back .. Over the text, i asked if she has bought the boot as i know she needed one from long ago. and she said no.. so i offered like this " I think they probably have more stylish ones in Asia, Let me pick one for you ?" and she pretty much said yes. so now i am shopping shoe for her, which means i will probably have chance to see her as i need to give her the shoes, assuming she does not regret and not want the shoe anymore at the last minute.
So here is my question. 1. does it mean anything by accepting my offer to buy shoe for her ? am I supposed to not buy gift for her ?
2. I really have a feeling that she is seeing someone, but i don't know how to find out ? what is the best way to find out ? I was thinking i could just ask her over a text or maybe in person if i see her. what should be the exact word i should use to ask this question ?
Thank you so much for your help
Michael
Hi Kevin, did you see my message ?
I think she would reply me when i ask something really doesn't matter much , but with very minimal input ... most case , she just says like yes.. no ..ok.. or just question marks .... what should i do ?
Hi Kevin
I feel like i have messed up again, i sent the letter, she texted me the same day, we chatted a bit about some random stuff over the text... and I called her(stupid me !) ... I asked her to meet up before my coming business trip next week. she said she is busy.. and i push for a quick coffee, I said a quick coffee would not hurt right ? and she said no... i asked why. .. she said ..she doesn't want to.. and she said she will meet me after i come back... i don't know if she means it or just out of courtesy. if she does not mean it ..i really don't want to have false hope for another month.
Is this my fault ? i started to blame myself for being impulsive yesterday, it is really painful feeling. and feeling like my effort for this whole month is just gone ... Am i just having false hope ? i know i can't heal if i keep having false hope..
can you help to understand the situation better ? and tell me what to do ? NC again ? keep texting since i started ? or should i just move on ? Again, doing NC and having false hope and get shot down is really painful.. it reset all my healing effort ...your help is very much appreciated ..
Hi Keivn
Is it better now ? maybe you can help me to edit a bit ?
and do you think i could write the letter with a nice card instead of letter ?
and can i just drop the letter to her car at her work ? i want to make sure she gets it
I am writing to let you know that I understand the decision you have made, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, and I am beginning to see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grown, and I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I was so much younger when we broke up, even though it wasn’t that long ago.
I would also like to take this opportunity to express to you that I recognize the disappointment and hurt that you may have walked away from our relationship. I appreciate all that you have put into our relationship in the time that we had together.
Oh, and I have some good news! Love to fill you in.. But in the future, would not bore you here :P
1) I personally feel the way the sample letter write is simply not enough.
I want to tell her how i feel in some extent. and try to let her know that i have grow and become more mature.
Please let me know what you think, Always Appreciate your time and patience
2) I also feel like i have not accepted the break up.. i mean we all wanted to get back to her, I feel like not being honest.. and would not she think that i have gave up ? and that would be bad if she still have feeling for me right ?
Here is what I wrote
I am writing to let you know that I have made peace with where we are. I want to tell you from bottom of my heart, being with you was the most beautiful, heartwarming and precious thing that has ever happened to me.
It has been a while, I can see things more objectively, I can clearly see what has gone wrong with our relationship, and gained a much deeper understanding of myself and new perspectives. I no longer live in my own bubble, I have grew.
I can truly feel and really think for you in your Dior heels. I recognize and feel how much you have been disappointed and hurt. I appreciate every bit of you, love you are the way you are, despite all the perfections and imperfections. You have been always so brave and capable of loving, never gave up on looking for love. You give the one you love freedom and respect. You are compassionate, enduring and you love with a great passion. You are the most caring and warm hearted person I know.
MOST importantly, I just simply want you to have what you wish for.
Michael
Hi Kevin,
For some reson the reply button is not shown here, so i will leave you a message here. I have wrote you an email with the letter I have wrote. as i didn't feel comfortable to post the letter here, I hope you understand and give me some advice.
Hi Kelvin
Thank you for your time and patience. I guess the only thing i can do is be patient and focus on my self, tho it has been hard.
Today, I contacted her by accident, I was sending an email to dealer to tell my car's problem, but i didn't even know i actually sent the email to her until she sent a text to me asking "what was wrong with ur car"? I replied with "lol !!! I had no idea i sent the email to you" and she just said " ...okey" that was all... i didn't go on to tell her what went wrong with my car.. is this bad ? do i need to restart the NC ? if yes, why ?
Hey Michael,
I know how you feel and it's sort of a catch 22 that you have to let her go and sort of get over her to be happy. And you have to be happy in your life to get her back. I'll suggest you should start by accepting the breakup and realizing that she is already gone. You might get her back, but let's not concentrate on that right now. Right now just concentrate on the fact that she is gone. She is no longer in your life. You are single.
Give yourself some time to feel the way you are feeling. If you feel like being miserable for a while, then so be it. Sit at home and do nothing. Think about her, obsess over her for a few days. Start making a journal and start writing out your thoughts. Write down the reason you guys broke up, the reason you two were incompatible, write down what you want in your future relationships, write down what qualities you want in your future partner. Write down the negative qualities in your ex. Start organizing your thoughts about your ex. Don't try to stop them. Let them come. Accept them. Embrace them. And learn to let them go. Don't try to distract yourself just so you won't think about her. If you do so, you'll never really heal.
Hey Michael,
I know how you feel and it's sort of a catch 22 that you have to let her go and sort of get over her to be happy. And you have to be happy in your life to get her back. I'll suggest you should start by accepting the breakup and realizing that she is already gone. You might get her back, but let's not concentrate on that right now. Right now just concentrate on the fact that she is gone. She is no longer in your life. You are single.
Give yourself some time to feel the way you are feeling. If you feel like being miserable for a while, then so be it. Sit at home and do nothing. Think about her, obsess over her for a few days. Start making a journal and start writing out your thoughts. Write down the reason you guys broke up, the reason you two were incompatible, write down what you want in your future relationships, write down what qualities you want in your future partner. Write down the negative qualities in your ex. Start organizing your thoughts about your ex. Don't try to stop them. Let them come. Accept them. Embrace them. And learn to let them go. Don't try to distract yourself just so you won't think about her. If you do so, you'll never really heal.
Hey Michael,
I know how you feel and it's sort of a catch 22 that you have to let her go and sort of get over her to be happy. And you have to be happy in your life to get her back. I'll suggest you should start by accepting the breakup and realizing that she is already gone. You might get her back, but let's not concentrate on that right now. Right now just concentrate on the fact that she is gone. She is no longer in your life. You are single.
Give yourself some time to feel the way you are feeling. If you feel like being miserable for a while, then so be it. Sit at home and do nothing. Think about her, obsess over her for a few days. Start making a journal and start writing out your thoughts. Write down the reason you guys broke up, the reason you two were incompatible, write down what you want in your future relationships, write down what qualities you want in your future partner. Write down the negative qualities in your ex. Start organizing your thoughts about your ex. Don't try to stop them. Let them come. Accept them. Embrace them. And learn to let them go. Don't try to distract yourself just so you won't think about her. If you do so, you'll never really heal.
Hi Kevin
Thank you for your help. I have two questions really need your input,thanks for your time in advance.
I am on my 13th day of non contact after the break up, but we have broke up two month ago. I have read everything on your website, I know i should focus on self improvement and be happy, but i just can't, I still wake up very early thinking of her.. Whenever I think of her, i tried to distract myself or replaced the unwanted thought. I force myself to go out with people, trying to make new friends. but I ended up wanting be to alone, because i don't have the willpower to talk to them with all myself. or just in general, nothing really cheer me up. I think my friends probably don't want to hear me talking about this anymore, and tired of telling me just forget about her and move on. generally, i feel like i am in a depression, and i am scared of what i realize, i have never been like this. I have been telling myself this is an opportunity to know myself, to love myself and to grow. picking up hobby, making new friends or anything to distract myself, But all these seems like an escape for me, i am not healing ...
1) what should i do kevin ?
I think I was the one who neglected her and not give the love she needed. so she left, that really hurts me whenever i think of this. and knowing what a good girl i have missed. I feel like having the hope of getting her back( she replied me"not now" when i asked her if we are still possible in the future), and fear of that might not happen after this no contact is constantly bothering me. I don't know how painful i would be if she does not come back.. don't get me wrong , i really want her back, and i know the only way to get her back is being an attractive person again. but thinking for myself, i don't feel like my true healing will start or i can become a happy person if i still have hope and not letting her go .... my mind is conflicting itself ...
2) What should I do ?
Michael
Hi Kevin
Thank you for your help. I have two questions really need your input,thanks for your time in advance.
I am on my 13th day of non contact after the break up, but we have broke up two month ago. I have read everything on your website, I know i should focus on self improvement and be happy, but i just can't, I still wake up very early thinking of her.. Whenever I think of her, i tried to distract myself or replaced the unwanted thought. I force myself to go out with people, trying to make new friends. but I ended up wanting be to alone, because i don't have the willpower to talk to them with all myself. or just in general, nothing really cheer me up. I think my friends probably don't want to hear me talking about this anymore, and tired of telling me just forget about her and move on. generally, i feel like i am in a depression, and i am scared of what i realize, i have never been like this. I have been telling myself this is an opportunity to know myself, to love myself and to grow. picking up hobby, making new friends or anything to distract myself, But all these seems like an escape for me, i am not healing ...
1) what should i do kevin ?
I think I was the one who neglected her and not give the love she needed. so she left, that really hurts me whenever i think of this. and knowing what a good girl i have missed. I feel like having the hope of getting her back( she replied me"not now" when i asked her if we are still possible in the future), and fear of that might not happen after this no contact is constantly bothering me. I don't know how painful i would be if she does not come back.. don't get me wrong , i really want her back, and i know the only way to get her back is being an attractive person again. but thinking for myself, i don't feel like my true healing will start or i can become a happy person if i still have hope and not letting her go .... my mind is conflicting itself ...
2) What should I do ?
Michael
Kevin
to add more information to my previous question, I think she is ignoring my message now again ...i said sry if she felt pushed ... she didn't reply...
I recommend you send the letter after no contact is because it looks more legitimate at that time. If you send it to her immediately after acting needy, it'll look like a ploy to get her to talk to you. But if you send it to her after no contact, it'll look like you actually accepted the breakup during no contact and you are not just saying it to get her to contact you.
Hi Kevin,
So i've been dating this girl for a year now. Im 21 and shes 19. Every now and then we had a few bad fights along with with bad communication. However this time around, the fight was really bad and 6 days ago (Wednesday) she ended up telling me that she had "no more faith left in this relationship." Now knowing my stupid self, i did every single wrong move possible to try and get her back. That same day, I was crying on the phone with her asking her what went wrong. The two days after (Thursday & Friday) were followed by fights that I was trying so hard to avoid, which resulted in me violating another "do not rule" by just being a doormat. On Saturday I begged her to give me another chance. She did but it lasted for a day. And that day she hung out with another guy. Of course, I did the other "do not" and got jealous about it. So the next day, she broke up with me and told me that she wanted to be just friends. I did not react bad or anything, instead i told her that I know i messed up and shouldn't have reacted the way i did. She said nothing was my fault and that it was all her. She said that she still wants to be best friends so I decided to be friends with her and talk on a friendly basis.
Up until now, I have been talking to her everyday. We don't talk as much, probably exchange a few short text conversations a day. Both Sunday and Monday I talked to her on a friendly basis showing no intention of wanting her back. Today (Tuesday) I have not talked to her at all. I have just read this article and subscribed to your emails about 30 minutes ago, and think that this could possibly work. I have started working out and playing basketball at the gym every day now.
Now here is a question I have. Today I went on a date with a girl and the girl made it pretty public on twitter that she was on a date with me. I am pretty sure my ex saw this, do you think this will push her away or draw her closer, or neither? She doesn't know this girl and has never seen her before either and I really hope this won't push her away. I am still scared that it will.
So knowing that I broke every single "do-not" and already going on dates with other people, do you think that there's any chance that this method could work? Thanks in advanced!
I don't think so it'll push her away. It might make her jealous, and there is a slight chance she might go on a date just to spite you. But like I said in the article, you shouldn't worry about that. And yes, there is a pretty good chance it'll work.
I don't think so it'll push her away. It might make her jealous, and there is a slight chance she might go on a date just to spite you. But like I said in the article, you shouldn't worry about that. And yes, there is a pretty good chance it'll work.
Hi kevin.
I have been trying the no contact rule for 3 days but before I complete 30 days its his birthday. Its on the 27-28 th day. What do I do.?
Send him a text. Keep it short and simple.
Send him a text. Keep it short and simple.
So, I have been doing NC for 8 days. I didn't tell him, just disappeared. So far I had two messages on day 2, not really worth answering anyway and yesterday night this "Hi [pet name] I hope you have gotten well this week (I had a cold as I disappeared). Perhaps we could meet some day soon and find out what to do with stuff. All the best [his pet name]" I am confused. Does he mean he wants his stuff back? Why do we need to meet and talk about that? If that is what he means though I don't want to be a jerk. Of course he can have it. What do you think?
He didn't actually ask for his stuff back. If he does ask clearly, like "Hey, I need my stuff back." then of course, you should reply. That message was just an excuse to talk to you.
thanks so very much for the quick answer. I thought it was a weird message too. He is probably just testing the waters. I guess that is a good thing isn't it? Let's wait and see
thanks so very much for the quick answer. I thought it was a weird message too. He is probably just testing the waters. I guess that is a good thing isn't it? Let's wait and see
thanks so very much for the quick answer. I thought it was a weird message too. He is probably just testing the waters. I guess that is a good thing isn't it? Let's wait and see
He didn't actually ask for his stuff back. If he does ask clearly, like "Hey, I need my stuff back." then of course, you should reply. That message was just an excuse to talk to you.
Hi Kevin,
So after you have finished the 'no-contact' period and you've sent the letter and now you're in the texting period. If I text her - "Hey, I just went roller skating, and it reminded me of how much fun we had roller skating together." Would that text be okay? Also, what if I text her that message, and she doesn't reply, what should I do? Should I send her another message along the lines of that? Or should I do something else?
Thanks!
Jason
Yes, it sounds good. Add something that prompts a response like "How have you been?" or "Did you know they added ____ to the roller skating place?" or "Actually, thinking about it put a smile on my face. How have you been?" If she doesn't reply, then you wait another week and send another text.
Yes, it sounds good. Add something that prompts a response like "How have you been?" or "Did you know they added ____ to the roller skating place?" or "Actually, thinking about it put a smile on my face. How have you been?" If she doesn't reply, then you wait another week and send another text.
Hi Kelvin I need some advice from you but I'm afraid the information might be too lengthy to type over here is it fine that I can ask for yr email and ask you over email instead? Thanks.
You can contact me using the contact form on the website. Please note it takes me longer to reply to emails than comments since I get A LOT of emails.
You can contact me using the contact form on the website. Please note it takes me longer to reply to emails than comments since I get A LOT of emails.
Hello Kevin,
My ex broke up with me about 30 days ago. Let me give you a bit of a background! I was in a long distance relationship since July 2013 (different countries). But we come from the same town and we went to school together but found each other again.
Our love was amazing! The kind you write stories about! Everyone envied us and loved us together and were so surpised when I said we broke up. I never felt that kind of magic before and when we were together, even though it was only about once a month, it was pure magic. We spoke everyday, for 3 hours. We planned our future, marriage, kids, travels. We texted all the time! But it then got to a point where I did not want to be in a long distance relationship and it was taking the best of me. I wanted to be with him and made the decision to move and in with him. But this decision was made too quickly because I really had not thought it through. It wasnt that I didnt love him I just was not ready to leave everything here as it had been my home for the last 7 years. He never seemed to understand which was fair enough I see now because he had never done anything like it and he had offered to move here but I dismissed it. But this became a big problem and he just could not deal with me being so unsure so he became unsure. In his mind our love was worth it all but things are not that easy and you shouldnt rush things. If we were in the same country I knew we wouldnt had moved in so soon. Also its a big thing to go through regardless!
I saw him and everything was ok we did have some arguments but there was so much love still but then we didnt speak for two days and he then broke up with me over the phone when I was back here. He said our love was pretend, that he didnt want me to move and he knew I didnt love him and that its over, that by being together we would make each other unhappy He kept me on the phone for an hour, dont know why he wouldnt just hang up if he was so sure.
I handled it extremely well and even though I did beg during the initial break up after we hung up I was fine and never contacted him again, which is very unlike me. I deleted him off facebook, I deleted my instagram so he wouldnt see what I was upto. I went about being happy and loving life here! I was actually really happy. I even got myself my dream job, been on 4 dates, enjoyed time with friends and actually was happy alone. So I actually followed your plan without even knowing it! Everyone was so proud of me and surprised how well I handled it. Until now. I woke up and realised I was not that happy without him. It was just easy as we were in different countries. I miss him terribly and I feel like we were just victims of circumstance and we would not have broken up or argued if we wernt in that situation. I want to tell him how it wasnt about him it was about not being ready to leave my beloved city and all my friends just yet. There is so much I want to tell him.
So now I want to see him. I am thinking of calling him and if he doesnt awnser see if it makes him curious and then a few days later call again or text. I have to go home next week for easter and I really really want to see him. I feel like the least id want is a face to face talk about why things went so badly. Help please! Where to go from here?
Yes, call him. Do exactly as you plan to do.
Yes, call him. Do exactly as you plan to do.
KEVIN,
Your the best dude.I went with a lady for 7 weeks.We saw each other 2-3 times a week.Then I felt she wasn't being honest of where she went.Then 4 weeks into she tells me she needs her space.That she doesn't see her sister or best girlfriend enough.Then it seems most fridays especially were off limits to see me at night after her work.It was also many Saturdays too.She saw supposely after writing the needs space letter.She saw her sister 3 Friday nights in a row.Thee night she's going to leave her place to drive to a bar by herself.She does like to drink a lot on fridays it seems.I went & she was not at that bar.She was texting me at closing how she was about to leave soon.I was there with the other 13 people,she wasn't there.She later told me she had left & come back.But how does she get ready to leave from a location yourshes simply not at?Then I confronted her next day.She wrote a letter saying it was over,that she did that saying went to that certain bar to test if i'd trust her or not.Then she said she could never be content with us ever because she'd be looking over her shoulder all the time.So she said we could never go long haul.Then I said let's be friend's with sex.She turned around 180 and liked that idea.She said I can't have any expectations.I said I had only 1 that was conditional on us being together.That she "did not" & me also of course sleep with anyone else period because we were having unprotected sex.She agreed & she claimed she wasn't ever with anyone while with me.She said I was all she needed & how the sex was amazing.Then after 7 weeks another Friday comes around.She says will see me that Sunday for a picnic together.She text me from her work at 5pm just before leaving work.She says how she's having dinner with her sister at 7pm that Friday night.She ends her text in"my love,kisses,xoxoxo.So at 9pm I texted her asking how dinner was with sister.She ignores me.Then at 11pm again to mention how the weather was suppose to be nice come Sunday for are picnic.She ignores all my text like she had before on Friday evenings.So she had also told me before leaving work how on that Saturday the following day she was spending time with her best gilfriend laying in the sun at friends house.Well,I texted again Saturday something like good morning,she still ignoring me included all of Friday night text also.So I text again around noon that Saturday,still ignoring me.Then I call & get voicemail.Then I ask if she's OK & how I'm worried she could been in car accident since i'd last heard from her leaving work that Friday at 5pm.She still ignores me.I'm figuring she's with another guy.So at like 4pm that Saturday.I texted her how I'm moving on & ending things.Then 2 hrs later she finally after 1 1/2 days ignoring me now that Saturday.She says:I ran into a guy I use to see last year.He realized he had feeling for me & I also realized I have feeling for him,I'm so sorry she said.Well,I'm wondering naturally when did she run into this old boyfriend or guy she use to date last year.Was it the night before Friday when said was eating dinner with sister?Was it that Saturday morning?Or was it she's been seeing him off & on the entire 7 weeks on those other fridays & other days that she couldn't see me because she needed space?So,I texted her & asked.She comes back defensive & says I just told you & I've never lied & only had sex with you.Well,again I just ran into a guy is vague as to when she ran into him.Then she said don't contact me or I'll change my number need be.So I texted her back saying I'm a good guy & won't be any trouble,I'll miss you.That's it & I have never contacted her since in 18 days now.Well after 11 days she text me saying she hates herself having been cruel & cold to me being how I'm such a wonderful man.How she may never be with a man so great.She wishes me great happiness.Then at 16 days no contact from me.She sees I reactivated my dating online profile at same place I met her.She first puts her profile on without a picture.But,I can see she clicked to view my profile.I can tell its her even without a picture because all her stats show its her.Then the following day she adds a picture and also again clicks to view my profile.Then last night she emails me how she has such feelings inside her for me.She mentions a memory of something we did together.She says again never slept with anyone & doesn't mention what happened to that guy she said ran into back 2 weekend's ago when she ignored me that Friday night & most of saturday.She ask me not to pay attention to her wish washy behavior & how she doesn't mean to confuse me. She wants me to be with her again if possible.
So,I deleted that dating profile because I don't want play games.She wakes up & sees I didn't answer her email about wanting to get back together.She also sees I deleted the dating profile.She says what a fool she was how she will erase all my contact info & never reach out again.She says she gets it that I must have moved on because I deleted the dating profile.I haven't really done anything,she's guessing.So,I still haven't contacted her at all for 18 days.In a way its like she wants instant redeming from me.I find it hard to understand if she ran into an old boyfriend or guy she dated last year 18 days ago and ignored me that Friday night into late Saturday noon.Then says she ran into him 2 hrs after I broke up via text. I was upset she was again on a Friday night into Saturday afternoon ignoring my attempts at texting-calling her.She would almost never contact me on those mystery Friday nights to say hello or even good night.I'm suppose to believe she ran into some guy and what they shook hands & said we have feeling that we didn't know we had?That don't sound right.Maybe sleeping with a guy would invoke some old feelings to resurface?
Or I thought maybe she was hurt that i'd just broke up that Saturday via text.Maybe she just said how she'd ran into a guy to upset me because she felt hurt I was breaking up & moving on?Maybe she was drinking at bar Friday night & rathered I not think she has a drinking issue?
So,I'm confused to say the least.I did feel I wanted her.I'm starting to think because so many say to move on,that I perhaps should.I don't want break the 18 days of no contact. Unless I should to say something in regards to her wanting me back last night.Please appreciate any suggestions & thank you so much.
I'll suggest you continue no contact for one more month starting now. She is just creating confusion and insecurities in your life. Her behavior isn't that of someone in a stable committed relationship. Perhaps, she doesn't want a committed relationship. If after no contact, you still want her, then get back in touch. But don't get back together unless she is ready to commit to you and the making the relationship work.
I'll suggest you continue no contact for one more month starting now. She is just creating confusion and insecurities in your life. Her behavior isn't that of someone in a stable committed relationship. Perhaps, she doesn't want a committed relationship. If after no contact, you still want her, then get back in touch. But don't get back together unless she is ready to commit to you and the making the relationship work.
Hi Kevin, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me after 4 months. I really thought that things were going really well with us as we never argued or fought before. The moment I questioned her about texting another guy, she wanted to call the relationship off. We only finalize the break up 2 weeks after our papers. Saying that we ought to be friends and us being together was another story. I tried to do so but she her replies became colder as the week passed. 2 weeks ago, I asked her how she felt about me. She saw me as a friend and told me that she had no intention of getting into a relationship now saying that she needed to get things in ordered in her life. A week later, I told her about my difficulty to move on and told her that I would only contact her when I felt things were right.
Please advice, what should I do in these circumstances? Thanks !
You did the right thing. Apply no contact for one month and then get back in touch using texts.
You did the right thing. Apply no contact for one month and then get back in touch using texts.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I broke up after 7 months of dating. It all started from me seeing a post on Facebook and sending him a text message about it and saying hurtful things. After all was said and done he told me he was done with me and to move on he wants nothing to do with me. During our 7 months of dating we have been inseparable we have a great time with each other, I've met his family and vice versa. Long story short I've broke all the rules you stated and I want to know how to fix it and is there a chance of us getting back together?
Kevin,
My ex and I were dating for nearly two years. We have been broken up for two weeks now and I have spoken to him twice in that time, once to beg him to take me back and another when i found out about the new girl in his life. I want to start your no-contact rule but I have a problem. I have to attend a function in a few days and he will also be there. How do I manage the situation. I know I will see him but i want to keep the no-contact rule in tact as much as possible.
Please help
Treat him like an acquaintance at the function. Don't have any conversation longer than five minutes. Be cordial. Be happy and confident.
Treat him like an acquaintance at the function. Don't have any conversation longer than five minutes. Be cordial. Be happy and confident.
Hi,
So I was dating this guy for about 4 months and he is a cop so their jobs are really demanding and he was doing well getting promotions etc Everything started out fine but the stress of the job started rubbing off on me because he wasn't making the same effort to spend time with me. Going home to sleep, ride his motorcycle, etc which I tried to be understanding of bc I know he needed personal free time and he is very independent. After 4 months though he invited me out to the bar with his friends and was really distant and when I asked him if he was mad he said no that he just felt we both needed space to find ourselves and organize our lives (Both early 20's, i'm going for my masters and his job as i've said is time-consuming) and that maybe we would get back together later. He has never done anything to make me feel suspicious of another women and that night he said he didnt want to see anyone else, just needs time... We havent talked, messaged or anything for a few days now and I just want to know if I should keep my hopes up or not :(
In my opinion, there is hope. Follow the plan. Give him time and make some positive changes in your life.
In my opinion, there is hope. Follow the plan. Give him time and make some positive changes in your life.
Hey Kevin,
My ex and i recently broke up about 2 weeks ago and i thought it wasn't a serious problem. He broke up with me because "I always get jealous over his job" He is a photographer so of course i know he will be taking photos of other women but i told him that I really don't have a problem with it if i am the only one he is with. But he is very controlling and jealous. For example i cant talk to certain people or guys in general. It is hard for me to talk to my fellow male coworkers because of him, and sometimes i cant even wear certain clothing items. Yes, it sounds dumb but i really do want to be with him. At first i was crying and begging him not to leave but i feel like that only made it worse. We have been together for almost 2 years and I personally don't believe this is a legitimate reason to break up with me. I'm thinking about using the no contact rule but it is extremely hard. I always want to talk to him and text him but I can't. We go to the same college and take 3 classes together and it is so hard to not speak to him because we are partners in one class for a finals project. I'm so confused on what to do and how to handle the situation. I want to win him back but how? Please help!
Is it possible to change partners? If so, do it. If not, only talk to him regarding the project and nothing else and keep minimum contact. You need some time away from him. It seems he was the one was jealous in the relationship and he was projecting it on you.
Is it possible to change partners? If so, do it. If not, only talk to him regarding the project and nothing else and keep minimum contact. You need some time away from him. It seems he was the one was jealous in the relationship and he was projecting it on you.
Hey Kevin, hope you are doing ok! I decided to post this as a new case sine I am not sure if you keep checking old posts.
I just wanted to keep you updated and get your insight. As I explained in my previous posts I have been in and on and off relationship for the last two months (relationship lasted 8 months, she is 19, very mature…I am 33). 28 days have passed since the last time we broke up. I applied no contact for probably 10 days but it did not go well that time because my ex started to bother me and said a bunch of negative things. Since then we have been talking every couple of days but this has taken us nowhere: We keep arguing most of the times we speak and even though I do not want to push the relationship and get her back I sometimes end up doing it unconsciously so she starts rejecting me again. We argue because of the relationship topic only, the rest of the time we speak we are cool with each other and hanging out well. I saw her last Sunday (April 6th) for the first time in a month, we had an argument over a stupid thing but the rest of the night was perfect, we kissed each other, hugs and laughs…pure love! Next day (Monday) I saw her again cause she had a birthday gift for me and told me to pass by and pick my gift. Once again she gave me a lot of kisses and stuff, we had a great conversation late at night and she said she was going to make up her mind, get her feelings straight and have an answer for me. Yesterday (Tuesday) since everything was getting better I decided to talk to her and proposed her to continue on speaking terms and if that was going well maybe we could have a date. She basically rejected that option and was pretty clear that we had to stop cause this wasn´t bringing anything positive to our situation. That her decision of being alone and think on what she really wants is still what she would like to do, also said we keep arguing and she does not want to go back to the same. She accepts that her attitude hasn´t been the best since we broke up, that it has been negative and has also accepted that she has seen a significant improvement in the areas I had to improve even now that we are no longer a couple. We got to an agreement that we were not going to talk to each other for a month, until May 6. When I asked her about the chances of getting back together as of right now she said there is probably 30%-35% of chances of getting back together. I think she said that because we argued yesterday and I have pushed to continue on speaking terms, she is tired of me bringing the relationship topic and continue arguing with me. She did say yesterday she loves me (not as much as she used to nor she feels deeply in love) but cares about me, thinks a lot about me and misses me still. Also said that even our chances are set at 30% she realizes she probably needs her feelings to get at 70% in order to give us a try and she also knows she is probably capable of falling back in love with me in the future, she needs time to think since she knows I am still available and waiting for her, she said she wants to feel that I am not there anymore and that will help her make up her mind. I said I have been thinking a lot too and identified things that make me wonder if it would work again too and that this 30 day period is the best thing we can do since I am tired of arguing as well. I will wait those 30 days patiently and go on with my life since all I have done didn´t work. What do you think Kevin??I would like you to give me your insight on the situation; do you think I still have a chance?? Do you think she is serious about that 30% chance of going back or she is just saying that because she wants me to give her time and space??
Thanks for your help!
Kevin,
My gf and I just broke up. We have been dating for two month's or just about and everything was fine and dandy. We both agreed that we were perfect for each other and had minor disagreements occasionally. Her 21st birthday came around and literally the day after she tells me that we are moving to fast and she doesnt know what she wants;even though she said I am perfect for her and that she has never been this happy in her life. We start off with a break then like two days later we end up breaking up. All my friends tell me to give her time which I am doing but she wants to visit this friday and return some of my stuff back to me as well as go on a hike. Should I cancel those plans and go through the no-contact phase or carry on with our plans but just act like a friend at the point and not bring up our relationship at all?
Go on the hike. Don't act needy and have fun. Then start no contact and follow the plan.
Go on the hike. Don't act needy and have fun. Then start no contact and follow the plan.
Go on the hike. Don't act needy and have fun. Then start no contact and follow the plan.
Your guess is as good as mine about that 30% thing. But I think you both made the right decision. There is definitely a chance of getting back together. I am glad you are doing better and you've realized you don't need her in your life to be happy.
PS: I do check old comments.
Thanks for your response. Great emails Kevin, you are the man!
Thanks for your response. Great emails Kevin, you are the man!
Thanks for your response. Great emails Kevin, you are the man!
I must add that even though we have been in touch every couple of days and some other days we do not talk I have got to the point where I don´t feel as sad as I used to be, I am hanging out with my friends, surfing, working, doing different stuff. I have also realized that even though I want her back in my life because she is a great girl I can definitely live without her, go on with my life and be happy. I now can see that she isn´t perfect and started to think clear about positive and negative aspects of her and the relationship.
No reply for me Kevin?? I just wanted to get your insight on what she said about the 30% chances, if you think it could be true or she just said that because she feels that way right now since we continued talking about the relationship and arguing. I plan on giving those 30 days and if not move on. Do you think she will change her mind and finally decide to give us a chance??. Sorry for the long text but there is no one else I could talk about this. Thanks in advance for your help!
No reply for me Kevin?? I just wanted to get your insight on what she said about the 30% chances, if you think it could be true or she just said that because she feels that way right now since we continued talking about the relationship and arguing. I plan on giving those 30 days and if not move on. Do you think she will change her mind and finally decide to give us a chance??. Sorry for the long text but there is no one else I could talk about this. Thanks in advance for your help!
No reply for me Kevin?? I just wanted to get your insight on what she said about the 30% chances, if you think it could be true or she just said that because she feels that way right now since we continued talking about the relationship and arguing. I plan on giving those 30 days and if not move on. Do you think she will change her mind and finally decide to give us a chance??. Sorry for the long text but there is no one else I could talk about this. Thanks in advance for your help!
Kevin,
My gf and I just broke up. We have been dating for two month's or just about and everything was fine and dandy. We both agreed that we were perfect for each other and had minor disagreements occasionally. Her 21st birthday came around and literally the day after she tells me that we are moving to fast and she doesnt know what she wants;even though she said I am perfect for her and that she has never been this happy in her life. We start off with a break then like two days later we end up breaking up. All my friends tell me to give her time which I am doing but she wants to visit this friday and return some of my stuff back to me as well as go on a hike. Should I cancel those plans and go through the no-contact phase or carry on with our plans but just act like a friend at the point and not bring up our relationship at all?
Your guess is as good as mine about that 30% thing. But I think you both made the right decision. There is definitely a chance of getting back together. I am glad you are doing better and you've realized you don't need her in your life to be happy.
PS: I do check old comments.
I must add that even though we have been in touch every couple of days and some other days we do not talk I have got to the point where I don´t feel as sad as I used to be, I am hanging out with my friends, surfing, working, doing different stuff. I have also realized that even though I want her back in my life because she is a great girl I can definitely live without her, go on with my life and be happy. I now can see that she isn´t perfect and started to think clear about positive and negative aspects of her and the relationship.
My ex girlfriend is 22, I'm 26. I dumped her a month ago and didn't talk to her for 4 weeks then I facebook messaged her saying I was sorry for the way thing turned out and she responds with mean comments.( I fb messaged because I deleted her number and deleted her as a friend on fb so I could move on). Last night she said she still loves me and she hates me and I ruined her life and to get rid of everything about her and that if she could she would put a bullet in my head. I think she's saying this out of anger, I told her that I want her to come home before it's too late and start a life together. She said it's too late, F You, and good bye then she blocked me from fb as we'll and know I don't know how to contact her at all cause I don't know where she lives or her number or any of her friends... What do you think Kevin? Please help
It's alright. Give her another month. She will probably unblock you by then.
Update:my brothers girlfriend has a lunch date with her on Monday. She still has not tried to contact me at all, I sent her a "hey thing about you, hope everything is going good" text last night, but no response. Is it a good thing that she is talking to her even though she won't talk to me? Does that mean I have a chance, the fact that she wants to do this date (cause they never hung out when we were together, except at my house when they came over, like twice).
She will probably just say bad things about you during this date. It doesn't necessarily mean that she will want to get back together. But yes, it does mean that she still has feelings for you and she is not over the breakup.
So what steps should I start taking here? Should I tell my brothers girlfriend to not go? Cause I don't want her bad mouthing me, lol. Basically I'm just wondering what I should do, cause it has been a month and a half since I've seen her and I would like to start being able to at least talk to her.
That is your call. I think you should do no contact for another three weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
That is your call. I think you should do no contact for another three weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
That is your call. I think you should do no contact for another three weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
That is your call. I think you should do no contact for another three weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
That is your call. I think you should do no contact for another three weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
That is your call. I think you should do no contact for another three weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
So what steps should I start taking here? Should I tell my brothers girlfriend to not go? Cause I don't want her bad mouthing me, lol. Basically I'm just wondering what I should do, cause it has been a month and a half since I've seen her and I would like to start being able to at least talk to her.
So what steps should I start taking here? Should I tell my brothers girlfriend to not go? Cause I don't want her bad mouthing me, lol. Basically I'm just wondering what I should do, cause it has been a month and a half since I've seen her and I would like to start being able to at least talk to her.
So what steps should I start taking here? Should I tell my brothers girlfriend to not go? Cause I don't want her bad mouthing me, lol. Basically I'm just wondering what I should do, cause it has been a month and a half since I've seen her and I would like to start being able to at least talk to her.
So what steps should I start taking here? Should I tell my brothers girlfriend to not go? Cause I don't want her bad mouthing me, lol. Basically I'm just wondering what I should do, cause it has been a month and a half since I've seen her and I would like to start being able to at least talk to her.
She will probably just say bad things about you during this date. It doesn't necessarily mean that she will want to get back together. But yes, it does mean that she still has feelings for you and she is not over the breakup.
She will probably just say bad things about you during this date. It doesn't necessarily mean that she will want to get back together. But yes, it does mean that she still has feelings for you and she is not over the breakup.
She will probably just say bad things about you during this date. It doesn't necessarily mean that she will want to get back together. But yes, it does mean that she still has feelings for you and she is not over the breakup.
Update:my brothers girlfriend has a lunch date with her on Monday. She still has not tried to contact me at all, I sent her a "hey thing about you, hope everything is going good" text last night, but no response. Is it a good thing that she is talking to her even though she won't talk to me? Does that mean I have a chance, the fact that she wants to do this date (cause they never hung out when we were together, except at my house when they came over, like twice).
Update:my brothers girlfriend has a lunch date with her on Monday. She still has not tried to contact me at all, I sent her a "hey thing about you, hope everything is going good" text last night, but no response. Is it a good thing that she is talking to her even though she won't talk to me? Does that mean I have a chance, the fact that she wants to do this date (cause they never hung out when we were together, except at my house when they came over, like twice).
It's alright. Give her another month. She will probably unblock you by then.
Do you have advice when the girlfriend is long distance. 5 hours away by drive. I am in the no contact zone.
Well, basically follow the plan till the text part. Instead of meeting up, set up a chat on skype. Eventually you will have to plan a trip to meet. You can tell her you are visiting her city and you want to catch up.
Well, basically follow the plan till the text part. Instead of meeting up, set up a chat on skype. Eventually you will have to plan a trip to meet. You can tell her you are visiting her city and you want to catch up.
Hi Kev
My ex left me two weeks ago after we were together for nearly two years. We were always happy together and never had big fights. We communicated well and everyone said we were perfect together.
Out of the blue he left me saying he wasn't happy anymore and didn't love me or see a future together. I've been going through a lot of unhappy moments and haven't been myself and I know that was a big impact. I begged him to take me back (big mistake #1)
1 week later he started seeing somebody else. Naturally I asked him about it (big mistake #2)
I'm using the break up to get back to normal and to be happy but I know that we are perfect together and that we just had a tough few months.
What I want to know is if you think he will take me back if I follow your plan after he said that he doesn't love me anymore and with the new girl in his life
Please help and thank you for your article.
Yes, there is a chance he will take you back. But don't ask him to take you back. Let it be his idea.
Yes, there is a chance he will take you back. But don't ask him to take you back. Let it be his idea.
(I reported this here because I don't think you could comment anymore) I told him that I was ok with the breakup and it made me realize what I did wrong such as being needy and controlling and I was like that because of what he did (text some girl for 2 weeks) and I thanked him for doing the breakup because I realized that. He said he was sorry that he f’d everything up and hope someday we could be friends. He started being extremely nice after I said that to him. And now we are friends texting somewhat. It’s been a month so I don’t see a problem with us being friends. And maybe we will even be able to hang out. Do you think he still has any feelings for me? He told me he cares about me and that’s why he wants to my friend and he misses me. But he told me he thinks I can care about him and move on at the same time. So kinda thinking he’s completely over me even though it hasn’t been long at all. What do you think of all this?
Hi Kevin,
Is there such a thing as waiting too long to try and get someone back? I think he's moving on and right now he won't talk to me so I'm starting your 5 step plan and I was wondering is 6 months a long time to wait to attempt to try again? And how would I be able to go about showing him that things are different?
Yes, there is. That's why I recommend only 30 days. 6 months is a long time, but it can still work depending on your situation. You make some positive changes in your life and when you meet, he will pick up on those changes himself. You don't have to show him anything.
Yes, there is. That's why I recommend only 30 days. 6 months is a long time, but it can still work depending on your situation. You make some positive changes in your life and when you meet, he will pick up on those changes himself. You don't have to show him anything.
I have an interesting question. I'm 17 days into no contact and I'm in a bit of a weird situation. I am in the end of an international graduate program where there are lots of goodbyes. There is one tomorrow night and my ex is invited as am I. I want to go to the party. I don't want to miss out on saying goodbye to friends just to avoid any instance of seeing him. How should I handle this? I had one of these goodbye dinners in the early part of the no-contact period and I just kind of ignored him to his face (not the nicest thing, but what I needed at the time).
Just treat him like an acquaintance. Be cordial but don't talk to him for more than 5 minutes. And have fun.
Just treat him like an acquaintance. Be cordial but don't talk to him for more than 5 minutes. And have fun.
Hi kevin
My girl friend left me 3 months before..she has been engaged with her cousin.. i apply no contact rule..now she called me and said she loves me..i was about to end of no contact n take her back..but i avoid her emotions like i love u n miss u and all..now she is showing attitude as well..am very confuse..tell me wat should i do..should i tell her my feelings for her or what else i should do..please i really need ur help
Start no contact again. Unless she is willing to break up her engagement, there is no point in pursuing her.
Start no contact again. Unless she is willing to break up her engagement, there is no point in pursuing her.
Hey kevin. me and my girlfriend just broke up recently. We broke up because, we had gotten to a big fight that had escalated really bad. We broke up because, we would always get into fights and almost break up but I would always pull her back in, and I know this was her last straw and I wasn't able to talk her into staying with me this time around. We also broke up because, I did get needy and annoying during our last moments. Also because she said she doesn't see herself dating me in the future and I mean like having a future with me (Which I dont think is true..) But anyways the last couple of days I did make the mistake of contacting her and whatnot, and telling her that I would never give up on you no matter what and how I would wait for her and that i'll always love her. I was being needy and desperate and I understand my mistake there. For me, I just don't think its over 100% I feel like if she takes this space from us and gets it she'll eventually will forget the bad times and we can possibility get back together. The problem is we arent talking right now, and we both agreed not to, but she will let me know when she can give me the rest of my things. I don't really need them, but whenever she does contact me wouldnt that break the no contact rule? Should I just keep prolonged it if she does contact me, and let her know im busy and cant meet up. I really do want to get back with her and I know I do, and im willing to do whatever it takes to be with her, and that means going through this break up and thats fine. Because, ill get to use the time to improve myself, and she'll come back to a even better man. I just dont want to screw up again when I get the second chance, so any advice is welcome. Thanks Kevin!
If you really need the things, then get it back from her when she contacts you. If you don't need it immediately, tell her you need space and time right now and you'll take it back from her after a while.
Thanks Kevin! I just hope things work out and we do get back together because I really do love her. Even if she says she doesn't see a future in us, isn't all entirely bad right? When we do meet up for my things, how should I go about things with her.. I also bought us promise rings a long tkme ago and planned on giving it to her when she graduates this June. Idk what to do with them, would giving them to her be too much right away or should I wait to give it to her. I just don't want to screw any chances of getting back together with her
Don't give her the ring until you are already back together. I hope things work out for you too. All the best.
Thanks Kevin, we are meeting up for lunch on the 29th and I will be NC till then. She knows how I feel about everything and she knows that I want to be with her still, but she is still sure she doesn't want to be with me. I really don't know what to do when I see her on the 29th, because I really want to win her back
Just have fun and be yourself. Don't show any signs of neediness and make some positive changes in your life till then.
Just have fun and be yourself. Don't show any signs of neediness and make some positive changes in your life till then.
Just have fun and be yourself. Don't show any signs of neediness and make some positive changes in your life till then.
Just have fun and be yourself. Don't show any signs of neediness and make some positive changes in your life till then.
Just have fun and be yourself. Don't show any signs of neediness and make some positive changes in your life till then.
Just have fun and be yourself. Don't show any signs of neediness and make some positive changes in your life till then.
Thanks Kevin, we are meeting up for lunch on the 29th and I will be NC till then. She knows how I feel about everything and she knows that I want to be with her still, but she is still sure she doesn't want to be with me. I really don't know what to do when I see her on the 29th, because I really want to win her back
Thanks Kevin, we are meeting up for lunch on the 29th and I will be NC till then. She knows how I feel about everything and she knows that I want to be with her still, but she is still sure she doesn't want to be with me. I really don't know what to do when I see her on the 29th, because I really want to win her back
Thanks Kevin, we are meeting up for lunch on the 29th and I will be NC till then. She knows how I feel about everything and she knows that I want to be with her still, but she is still sure she doesn't want to be with me. I really don't know what to do when I see her on the 29th, because I really want to win her back
Thanks Kevin, we are meeting up for lunch on the 29th and I will be NC till then. She knows how I feel about everything and she knows that I want to be with her still, but she is still sure she doesn't want to be with me. I really don't know what to do when I see her on the 29th, because I really want to win her back
Don't give her the ring until you are already back together. I hope things work out for you too. All the best.
Don't give her the ring until you are already back together. I hope things work out for you too. All the best.
Don't give her the ring until you are already back together. I hope things work out for you too. All the best.
Thanks Kevin! I just hope things work out and we do get back together because I really do love her. Even if she says she doesn't see a future in us, isn't all entirely bad right? When we do meet up for my things, how should I go about things with her.. I also bought us promise rings a long tkme ago and planned on giving it to her when she graduates this June. Idk what to do with them, would giving them to her be too much right away or should I wait to give it to her. I just don't want to screw any chances of getting back together with her
Thanks Kevin! I just hope things work out and we do get back together because I really do love her. Even if she says she doesn't see a future in us, isn't all entirely bad right? When we do meet up for my things, how should I go about things with her.. I also bought us promise rings a long tkme ago and planned on giving it to her when she graduates this June. Idk what to do with them, would giving them to her be too much right away or should I wait to give it to her. I just don't want to screw any chances of getting back together with her
If you really need the things, then get it back from her when she contacts you. If you don't need it immediately, tell her you need space and time right now and you'll take it back from her after a while.
Are there other things to buy for more information? I just started the program after finding you a few days ago. I made all the classic mistakes of contact and begging. I sent a text a week ago so I'm in the no contact phase for at least 60 days. I'm thinking June right now. Last I spoke she was adiment about never getting back. Is there hope?
Yes, there is hope. Use relationship rewind to get back in touch in June. All the best.
Yes, there is hope. Use relationship rewind to get back in touch in June. All the best.
My ex boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 5 months. It would have been a year and 6 months in 2 days. He dumped me over Spring Break, on TEXT because he got mad at me that I forgot to do something. So he dumped me.. This has happened before but I went back to him. I know. Dumb mistake. But anyways, it's been killing me. When he dumped me 2 days later he told me there was another girl he likes. That girl turned out to be his little sister's best friend that she's known since 2nd grade. That girl is 14. My ex is 18. I am so heartbroken. We really fell in love with each other. He told me he would never leave me for another girl, that I was the most beautifulest and cutest girl he knows and then he says it to her. I was his longest relationship. Now 2 weeks later (yesterday) I see him and that girl walking and holding hands. I screamed so loud and yelled as loud as I could bursting into tears. I was in my friends car so my ex couldn't hear me. He hugged her for a bit then they walked away. 2 WEEKS LATER he gets another girlfriend! I have been so depressed not eating, nightmares, and I'm trying to get over it, and I see him all happy with her and he left me here broken.. I really don't know what to do. I'm freaking out and want to just end this. He's 18 and she's 14 which is pretty gross. But when he dumped me, that same night he started to talk to her. My friends tell me that she is a rebound and I'm confused. I hate seeing them together. But I'll eventually get over him. He told me last week that he was still in love with me, Had feelings for me, and that he really misses me. He wanted me to kiss him but I rejected.. I don't know if shes a rebound and if he'll come crawling back or what. That girl and him are COMPLETELY different. She's very girly and bubbly and I'm darkish and not that girly. He is a dark person as well, just like me.
I've been trying very hard. He saw me today and he was walking his girlfriend to class and I was walking alone. He kinda looked like he missed me the way he looked at me according to my friends, I didn't look at him
Hey,
You need to apply no contact for at least 30 days. I know it sucks but you need to become learn to be happy in your life without him before you try to get him back.
I've been trying very hard. He saw me today and he was walking his girlfriend to class and I was walking alone. He kinda looked like he missed me the way he looked at me according to my friends, I didn't look at him
Hey,
You need to apply no contact for at least 30 days. I know it sucks but you need to become learn to be happy in your life without him before you try to get him back.
I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a little over 10 months, and we were incredibly close and had a completely healthy and strong relationship despite the distance. We rarely fought, and when we did, they were only about trivial things and we always worked them out. When we broke up, it was incredibly unexpected and surprising. The break up at first was very painful to us both. We both reflected on the fact that i would be a sad, hard road to go through not being together anymore, and we spent the entire night crying together, basically. He never gave me a real reason as to why we broke up, besides his claims that my cynical and negative outlook and behavior ruined the relationship and that he "just wasn't happy." After that, he became angry and stopped contact with me, acting as if i had no meaning to him whatsoever. Weeks later, he got a new girlfriend, whom seems to be someone he wouldn't normally be interested in from what i've noticed, although he claims to be happy with said girl. Four months later, he absolutely hates me. I've tried to initiate contact one or two times, and each time he just projects and acts angry, pretentious, and hateful to the point of absurdity. A few weeks ago, i texted him to ask if he wanted to talk. He replied with things like "why would i EVER want to talk to YOU?" and things like, "you only want to know that i'm miserable, that's why you tried to talk to me" and other long messages explaining the extreme hate and animosity he has towards me and claims to do terrible things during the relationship that i never did. He is absolutely cruel... What does this mean? Please help... Does he really hate me? Or is he just projecting to deny that he really does still love me, and can't move on?
He has feelings for you. You don't hate someone unless they are important to you. You should give him more time to deal with his anger and hate and contact him after that. Give him around 2 months.
He has feelings for you. You don't hate someone unless they are important to you. You should give him more time to deal with his anger and hate and contact him after that. Give him around 2 months.
Hi. So I'm in love with my ex still. I got pregnant by him and right now I'm 7 months. We recently broke up like 2 weeks ago. He left me because he was tired of the way I would get mad at him all the time. I did have reasons but now that I think about it I could've been a little more nicer to him. Where he's living is one of his baby mamas house. Well she claimed that her son wasn't his and after a while she said it was and kept changing her mind and so she stuck to that her son was his. At first I didn't think anything would go on between them because of the type of girl she is. In his words he always told me "I can never be with a Hood girl" as in a ghetto girl. She does drugs, parties and drinks. He likes to do the same. Well he just likes to do drugs. The only thing he would like to do is smoke marijuana but that's it and ever since he started living there he tried different kinds of drugs. Well the other day he was on a drug called acid and he called me out of no where and he told me he's sorry for everything he has put me through. And we kept talking and Conversating. Later on at around 9 he was at his families house and he called again and broke the news to me that he is going through what I'm going through right now. He mentioned that she threatens him. She tells him "if you leave or cheat on me I'll cut you" and also "if you leave I kno where to find you and I will hunt you down." He told me he don't even know if he loves her. I had asked him on the phone who he sees his future with and he said that he sees a better and longer future with me. He said he's tried leaving and well she threatens him. He can't even text me because she goes through his phone so we talk on facebook. He told me he wanted to see me and talk face to face. So I planned on when and I just saw him yesterday after a week and a half. We came to my house and we cuddled and he just kept holding me. We had sex too and he would still hold me and rub my belly. I asked him what he wants to do and he said "the only thing I'm worried about right now is making money." He said there is no future yet if he's not making money. He also mentioned that he hasn't seen his other 2 kids. And I told him why hasn't he? He said because he doesn't have a ride. But when he was with me, he would call his mom to let him borrow the truck and do whatever it took to see his kids. Now over there it seems like he doesn't try one bit. When we were together I would always tell him he should see his kids and he would agree. I feel like that girl wants all the attention on her son. But Idk. So then I asked him "what do I do" he told me "just be patient" I had told him before that I will give him his time and that I don't mind waiting for him but I don't him to change his mind and stay with her. But he just kept telling me to be patient. He looked skinny and I asked if he even eats and he said sometimes. I don't think she cooks for him and I always did. And when he was leaving we kept kissing like if we missed eachother so much. Which I did. And he also mentioned that he don't feel the love and affection with her the way he does with me. As in she's not even romantic with him and she don't like kissing. I'm just so hurt and it's hard for me not to think about it. He had told me before with his other baby mama that he couldn't stand her when she was pregnant and that he hated her. He told me he thinks all this is just a phase and that it's probably karma too. His exact words were "I think it's just the pregnancy." But idk I don't know what to believe. And were having a girl. It's gonna be his FIRST girl. The rest if his kids are boys. Do you think he will change? And do you think this is just a phase or karma that he's going through? And what should I do to get him back? Should I just not message him unless he messages me? I mean I do have to message him about the baby appointments but that's it. Help please!
I guess there is nothing you can do unless he decides to stand up for himself and break up with her. Yes, limited contact can help you, but in the end, everything will depend on him breaking up with her.
I guess there is nothing you can do unless he decides to stand up for himself and break up with her. Yes, limited contact can help you, but in the end, everything will depend on him breaking up with her.
Kevin,
thanks for your respond the other day, and for your everyday advice emails. I've been keeping up with the no contact, but today I had to make contact. We went and filed for divorce, she had been harassing me for the past few days about it. So I went her, but I didn't sign them because she wants to keep the house, car, everything, joint custody with child support. I said no to her and walked away when she started to yell at me in front of the people and our 3 year old. Although, I still love her very much I feel like I have no choice but to fight for it. She keeps telling me that she has moved on, has met a few guys, and none are serious, but she swears on our children that she no longer loves me in any way, nor that we are ever getting back together. She is dating this guy who lives in another state, she goes out of her way to visit him. Plus, it has been almost 10 months since we have split, and no intimacy. My kids is what hurts me the most, I wish things could've worked out months ago, but with every day that passes by, and she spends more time with this new guy, the more I except the fact in which she is indeed OVER ME!!
I am glad you didn't let her walk all over you. I think it's time you start concentrating on moving on as well.
I am glad you didn't let her walk all over you. I think it's time you start concentrating on moving on as well.
Hey Kevin,
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. It's about 10 hour drive from where I live to where he lives. We actually met in an online gaming community, became friends, and about a year later he became my boyfriend. We dated for a little over a year until he decided he wanted to end it. He said I'm always lazy (whenever he asked to do thngs, I didn't want to and I just gave excuses for it.) and that I never prioritize him (I often talked to other friends and ignored him anywhere from one to three hours before replying) which hurt him a lot and made him feel like crap. I realized all this AFTER he broke up with me. To be honest, I was taking him for granted. I didn't know I was doing it to him until the break up.
So I basically made all the mistakes written here. Literally everything. I begged him to come back, I de-valued myself and told him I'm even fine with dating him even if he doesn't love me anymore (because at that moment, I was ready to do anything to have him back. I thought I could get him to love me again somehow.), told him I can't live without him etc etc all the pathetic and needy things you could ever say to a man who just lost feelings for you. After reading your article I must say I am extremely embarrassed and that I see I was just pushing him away. My ex wanted to remain best buddies and I couldn't accept that. We broke up on Sunday so it's barely been a week. During that time I kept texting and messaging him on Skype and stuff, letting him know how desperate and depressed I was (sigh). Then yesterday I proposed a plan to him. I wanted us to take 5 days where we can give time to each other and focus on us. I wanted to play games we used to play when we were still dating, because I remember they were fun. After 5 day period is over, if he still doesn't want me, I'll stop contacting him (because I couldn't accept, as I said earlier, being merely his friend). And we were to not contact each other until a set time that I suggested which was 23rd. He agreed.
Today I changed my mind, texted him again, told him I'm sorry I was just rushing things and that I want his opinion on what I suggested yesterday. I said we could still remain in contact until 23rd. He did not reply. Then hours later I messaged him on Skype and said I decided the set time thing was dumb and only restricted options so we can do it whenever we're ready. (I did not expect a reply for this message, and I did not get one)
Then I read your article. Now I know I did every possible mistake you could do after a breakup, but is there still a chance for me? I plan to not contact him until maybe mid-May or so now that I read your "at least 30 day" thing. If it does help, my ex always talked about us getting married (actually, he said it like it was a given fact) and he was deeply in love with me (I could plainly see it) and always wanted to do things together. My behaviors toward him hurt him countless times I think, and he couldn't take it any more. I intend to never repeat those actions again if we ever get back together and I let him know that in the process of me begging to him.
Also, what should I do when I can't see him physically? My appearances won't really affect anything since he can't see it anyway. He lives so far away. I did plan on going to his place during fall break this year, do you think I can still do that if things go okay and we can be friends again? Will that change anything? I'm not even sure if he wants me to come.
If things are going well with the texting and calling, then instead of asking him out for coffee, you can just ask him to catch up on skype. After a while, you can plan a trip to see each other. Yes, there is still hope for you guys.
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
Today I sort of tried to talk to him again (I know, it's against NC rule) just to see if he was sick of me to the point he's ignoring me, or he just wanted time to think. Turns out, it was more of the latter. He said "I'm in a weird position honestly, I want to support and help you but I don't want you to get a wrong idea from it" I then decided I should just let him go and become friends with him, hopefully in the years to come he and I'll have something very special. He seemed suspicious at my sudden change of behavior (I was surprised at myself as well by how okay I felt at accepting friendship with him) but became a lot more responsive and nice after deciding I meant what I said.
Then I wanted to talk to him on Skype so he called me, and all I wanted at first was to hear how he honestly felt about me on that day we talked last before he went silent for two days and broke up with me. He told me he still loved me then, so I asked "did you mean it or did you just say that to see my reaction? C'mon, be honest." and his reply was unexpected. He said he did mean that, so I asked "I still am not sure how your feelings for me from then flat out disappeared in two days" and he said "I still have residual feelings from it" and one thing led to another of long discussions about us (which wasn't what I planned to talk about but might as well) and now he said he will consider us being together while we stayed friends for a few weeks.
Basically, for now we are in no talking phase because he wants time to think. When that's over, I'll be his friend until he gets his feelings sorted out (and he said if I manage to not talk to him during these few days, he will give me serious consideration. I wanted to gain his trust for me again enough for him to give me another chance. Mind, this time I was not being desperate or needy.)
Now I'm confused. It feels like things could work without the NC. What do I do? I don't want to disappear from him while he gives himself time to think and find out I stopped talking to him for whatever reason. That'd break his trust in me completely. Right now the biggest thing I need from him is trust because I never kept promises for him during the relationship even when he seriously talked to me about them.
Do you think what I'm doing is okay? Maybe after we become friends for some weeks and if he decides he still can't trust me enough to be in a relationship again, would that be okay then for me to disappear for a month? Can I give us a try like that until I decide NC will have to be my only option left? Am I just being dumb?
You have to do NC right now since both of you agreed to not talk till he sorts out his feelings. Consider this as part of no contact. If he contacts you, and you think you still need some time, then tell him so and tell him you will contact him back after a while. Don't just disappear, whenever you decide to do no contact, tell him you need space and time for yourself.
You have to do NC right now since both of you agreed to not talk till he sorts out his feelings. Consider this as part of no contact. If he contacts you, and you think you still need some time, then tell him so and tell him you will contact him back after a while. Don't just disappear, whenever you decide to do no contact, tell him you need space and time for yourself.
You have to do NC right now since both of you agreed to not talk till he sorts out his feelings. Consider this as part of no contact. If he contacts you, and you think you still need some time, then tell him so and tell him you will contact him back after a while. Don't just disappear, whenever you decide to do no contact, tell him you need space and time for yourself.
You have to do NC right now since both of you agreed to not talk till he sorts out his feelings. Consider this as part of no contact. If he contacts you, and you think you still need some time, then tell him so and tell him you will contact him back after a while. Don't just disappear, whenever you decide to do no contact, tell him you need space and time for yourself.
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
Today I sort of tried to talk to him again (I know, it's against NC rule) just to see if he was sick of me to the point he's ignoring me, or he just wanted time to think. Turns out, it was more of the latter. He said "I'm in a weird position honestly, I want to support and help you but I don't want you to get a wrong idea from it" I then decided I should just let him go and become friends with him, hopefully in the years to come he and I'll have something very special. He seemed suspicious at my sudden change of behavior (I was surprised at myself as well by how okay I felt at accepting friendship with him) but became a lot more responsive and nice after deciding I meant what I said.
Then I wanted to talk to him on Skype so he called me, and all I wanted at first was to hear how he honestly felt about me on that day we talked last before he went silent for two days and broke up with me. He told me he still loved me then, so I asked "did you mean it or did you just say that to see my reaction? C'mon, be honest." and his reply was unexpected. He said he did mean that, so I asked "I still am not sure how your feelings for me from then flat out disappeared in two days" and he said "I still have residual feelings from it" and one thing led to another of long discussions about us (which wasn't what I planned to talk about but might as well) and now he said he will consider us being together while we stayed friends for a few weeks.
Basically, for now we are in no talking phase because he wants time to think. When that's over, I'll be his friend until he gets his feelings sorted out (and he said if I manage to not talk to him during these few days, he will give me serious consideration. I wanted to gain his trust for me again enough for him to give me another chance. Mind, this time I was not being desperate or needy.)
Now I'm confused. It feels like things could work without the NC. What do I do? I don't want to disappear from him while he gives himself time to think and find out I stopped talking to him for whatever reason. That'd break his trust in me completely. Right now the biggest thing I need from him is trust because I never kept promises for him during the relationship even when he seriously talked to me about them.
Do you think what I'm doing is okay? Maybe after we become friends for some weeks and if he decides he still can't trust me enough to be in a relationship again, would that be okay then for me to disappear for a month? Can I give us a try like that until I decide NC will have to be my only option left? Am I just being dumb?
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
Today I sort of tried to talk to him again (I know, it's against NC rule) just to see if he was sick of me to the point he's ignoring me, or he just wanted time to think. Turns out, it was more of the latter. He said "I'm in a weird position honestly, I want to support and help you but I don't want you to get a wrong idea from it" I then decided I should just let him go and become friends with him, hopefully in the years to come he and I'll have something very special. He seemed suspicious at my sudden change of behavior (I was surprised at myself as well by how okay I felt at accepting friendship with him) but became a lot more responsive and nice after deciding I meant what I said.
Then I wanted to talk to him on Skype so he called me, and all I wanted at first was to hear how he honestly felt about me on that day we talked last before he went silent for two days and broke up with me. He told me he still loved me then, so I asked "did you mean it or did you just say that to see my reaction? C'mon, be honest." and his reply was unexpected. He said he did mean that, so I asked "I still am not sure how your feelings for me from then flat out disappeared in two days" and he said "I still have residual feelings from it" and one thing led to another of long discussions about us (which wasn't what I planned to talk about but might as well) and now he said he will consider us being together while we stayed friends for a few weeks.
Basically, for now we are in no talking phase because he wants time to think. When that's over, I'll be his friend until he gets his feelings sorted out (and he said if I manage to not talk to him during these few days, he will give me serious consideration. I wanted to gain his trust for me again enough for him to give me another chance. Mind, this time I was not being desperate or needy.)
Now I'm confused. It feels like things could work without the NC. What do I do? I don't want to disappear from him while he gives himself time to think and find out I stopped talking to him for whatever reason. That'd break his trust in me completely. Right now the biggest thing I need from him is trust because I never kept promises for him during the relationship even when he seriously talked to me about them.
Do you think what I'm doing is okay? Maybe after we become friends for some weeks and if he decides he still can't trust me enough to be in a relationship again, would that be okay then for me to disappear for a month? Can I give us a try like that until I decide NC will have to be my only option left? Am I just being dumb?
If things are going well with the texting and calling, then instead of asking him out for coffee, you can just ask him to catch up on skype. After a while, you can plan a trip to see each other. Yes, there is still hope for you guys.
Hey Kevin, I commented a little while ago but I don't see it anymore. And I subscribed to you but no emails are coming, and it's been over 30 minutes. Why is that? I even checked spam folder and nothing is there. I'd really like your advice on my situation.
It seems you have received the email already. Sometimes, it takes a while.
It seems you have received the email already. Sometimes, it takes a while.
Hey Kevin. My ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago, saying that he doesn't see us together in the future & that we should just be friends. It was very hard at first but not once did I blow up his phone or beg him to come back. Being around him was super awkward at work. We couldn't say anything other than hi. As time passed however, he began to warm up to me again slowly but surely. We went from ignoring each other to texting and talking on the phone. Last week I had to ask him for some help at work and before he showed up he offered to buy me something to drink at the gas station. Then when he came, he complimented my hair, brought up funny memories from our old relationship and wanted to take me to lunch. My question is, is he just trying to a friend to me like he said he wanted or is there something more? I don't want to jump ahead of myself here.
It seems he is interested in getting back together.
It does seem that way but I don't want to get ahead of myself here. He said he wanted to be friends so that's why his behavior is confusing. What should I do? I wanna get back together but I don't want to rush into it.
Just play it cool. Don't act needy. Have fun with him and let him chase you. If he doesn't make a move for a long time, then you ask him to get back together.
Well Kevin, my ex and I spoke at work a lot yesterday and the first time around, he made comments about my hair and the color of my eyes and he was looking deep inside them for some reason but something told me it was just an excuse to be in my face. The 2nd time around, he let me play in his hair and we were flirting and we ended up kissing at the end. Not that I regret the kiss but now I know that we have to talk but I just don't know how to come about it. Any advice Kevin?
Treat him like you would treat someone you just started dating. I'll recommend you keep seeing him, having fun for a while before initiating any serious talk. I think kissing is fine. Just don't sleep with him until he commits.
Treat him like you would treat someone you just started dating. I'll recommend you keep seeing him, having fun for a while before initiating any serious talk. I think kissing is fine. Just don't sleep with him until he commits.
Treat him like you would treat someone you just started dating. I'll recommend you keep seeing him, having fun for a while before initiating any serious talk. I think kissing is fine. Just don't sleep with him until he commits.
Treat him like you would treat someone you just started dating. I'll recommend you keep seeing him, having fun for a while before initiating any serious talk. I think kissing is fine. Just don't sleep with him until he commits.
Treat him like you would treat someone you just started dating. I'll recommend you keep seeing him, having fun for a while before initiating any serious talk. I think kissing is fine. Just don't sleep with him until he commits.
Treat him like you would treat someone you just started dating. I'll recommend you keep seeing him, having fun for a while before initiating any serious talk. I think kissing is fine. Just don't sleep with him until he commits.
Well Kevin, my ex and I spoke at work a lot yesterday and the first time around, he made comments about my hair and the color of my eyes and he was looking deep inside them for some reason but something told me it was just an excuse to be in my face. The 2nd time around, he let me play in his hair and we were flirting and we ended up kissing at the end. Not that I regret the kiss but now I know that we have to talk but I just don't know how to come about it. Any advice Kevin?
Well Kevin, my ex and I spoke at work a lot yesterday and the first time around, he made comments about my hair and the color of my eyes and he was looking deep inside them for some reason but something told me it was just an excuse to be in my face. The 2nd time around, he let me play in his hair and we were flirting and we ended up kissing at the end. Not that I regret the kiss but now I know that we have to talk but I just don't know how to come about it. Any advice Kevin?
Well Kevin, my ex and I spoke at work a lot yesterday and the first time around, he made comments about my hair and the color of my eyes and he was looking deep inside them for some reason but something told me it was just an excuse to be in my face. The 2nd time around, he let me play in his hair and we were flirting and we ended up kissing at the end. Not that I regret the kiss but now I know that we have to talk but I just don't know how to come about it. Any advice Kevin?
Well Kevin, my ex and I spoke at work a lot yesterday and the first time around, he made comments about my hair and the color of my eyes and he was looking deep inside them for some reason but something told me it was just an excuse to be in my face. The 2nd time around, he let me play in his hair and we were flirting and we ended up kissing at the end. Not that I regret the kiss but now I know that we have to talk but I just don't know how to come about it. Any advice Kevin?
Just play it cool. Don't act needy. Have fun with him and let him chase you. If he doesn't make a move for a long time, then you ask him to get back together.
Just play it cool. Don't act needy. Have fun with him and let him chase you. If he doesn't make a move for a long time, then you ask him to get back together.
Just play it cool. Don't act needy. Have fun with him and let him chase you. If he doesn't make a move for a long time, then you ask him to get back together.
It does seem that way but I don't want to get ahead of myself here. He said he wanted to be friends so that's why his behavior is confusing. What should I do? I wanna get back together but I don't want to rush into it.
It does seem that way but I don't want to get ahead of myself here. He said he wanted to be friends so that's why his behavior is confusing. What should I do? I wanna get back together but I don't want to rush into it.
It seems he is interested in getting back together.
hi kevin....
I m unable to find out the 5 step plan as when I click on the link, it appears for a while and then disappears..can u pls provide me 5 step plan through email....
thanks!!!
It's here.
It's here.
Is it weird to start a no contact period four months after the break-up (she dumped me)? A bit of the background on the relationship (feel free to search "I guess" if you want to do the TL;DR thing):
I asked her out on a date in May of 2013 after we both had graduated college. She took five days to decide, then said "no." Then at the end of July, she said she had a change of heart. She said my heart was the most kind she had ever seen and she wondered why she wasn't dating me. I accepted because I had a crush and strong feelings for her for about two years. We went out for about three months before she took a job about 100 miles away. I supported her since I knew she wanted a job such this for years and even helped her move and spent her first night away from her family with her.
Before that, she was the first one to kiss, initiate intimacy, say "I love you," and "I feel like we're supposed to be together" and "You've treated me better than anyone else outside my family ever has." I know she has trust issues, because her only serious boyfriend before me cheated on her when she was 20 and her father cheated on her mother when she was 3. But she said when I held her, she felt safe and trusted me.
We started a long-distance relationship for about a month, then on one weekend I was supposed to visit, she told me before I headed out that she had to come home to see her dad who had fallen ill that weekend instead. I said I was fine with it, since I would feel like a jerk if I said she couldn't come home to see her dad. She dumped me that same weekend (at least she had the respect to do it in person) in mid-December 2013. She expressed that she felt we weren't on the same page with the relationship -- I was more invested than she was; she felt she couldn't do as much for me since she moved and this made her feel terrible about herself, etc. Basically, the cowardly "it's not you, it's me/you deserve better than me" excuse. I told her I have the same heart/I am the same person she fell in love and always will be, so why did she leave?
We both broke a lot of the rules you mentioned in Part 1, but in the months since I've been a lot better about giving her space. She asked about a month after the break-up how I was doing (which was right around the time I lost both my jobs and had family members end up in the hospital), but I wasn't in a good place mentally and emotionally, so I barked at her that I didn't know how to answer and that I was still working out my feelings.
Last weekend, she tagged me and others in a Facebook status that she needed help with a project for work. I tried to turn the other cheek and offer to help (and I'll admit, I considered asking her out if I saw her). I said I'd meet her around 5:30 p.m. last Sunday, but around 5 she texted saying she wasn't feeling well and was heading home. I told her it was no trouble and that I hoped she feels better. I sent her an elephant made with symbols to help make her feel better (elephants are her favorite animal). The next day, she posted a picture on my wall from one of my favorite TV shows. I liked it and let it be. I've yet to contact her since.
I guess my question is: if I start a month of no contact now, would it be detrimental to possibly getting back with her, or should I give her more space then send the letter and/or text messages? We've been broken up for about as long as we dated (four-ish months). I would like to get back together with her someday, not because I NEED her in my life, but because she has a genuine heart, good work ethic and loves her job and family. I WANT a woman like her in my life. Thanks for any help.
I think no contact will be of some advantage to both of you. You can keep it a little short if you think both of you are in a good place right now. I'll recommend at least 3 weeks.
I think no contact will be of some advantage to both of you. You can keep it a little short if you think both of you are in a good place right now. I'll recommend at least 3 weeks.
My boyfriend and I had broken up in January but we were still living together because I moved to another state to be with him.. I was planning on moving back home and in the meantime I went out and had a drink with a guy and stayed out all night. He was worried about me and I lied about where I was and said I was with a friend.. the next day I wanted to fix things with him but I was so irritated with his 21 questions that I didn't. I drank too much and was sending pictures to another guy I'd met that night online and the next morning he went through my phone and told me to move out. I ended up starred in the house for another two weeks and everything was perfect between us, better than ever. I did keep trying to bring things up, and tried everything I could to get him to take me back, but after two weeks he still asked me to leave.. he also told me that he was going to propose to me a few months before, which made everything so much worse, he said he wanted to be alone for a year and he was fine with being by himself...I've cried everyday for weeks, hardly eating and can't sleep, extremely depressed.. we went 3 weeks without speaking and I went back to his town for my birthday to visit friends ( he also had the same birthday as me :/ ) I text him and let him know I was in town and if he wanted to meet up but I understood he wanted his space too. We ended up having dinner and seeing eachother twice while I was in town, I told him all the good things I'd been doing and he told me how good I looked. We hooked up twice and talked about things but he said it was too soon and he needed time and that I should continue to focus on myself. He also said of course he missed me. But that he was the one that was hurt I'm back home and still heartbroken over him.. I don't know what to do or how to let go he called me a few days after I got home just to talk but nothing from him since. I really feel like he's the one and would do anything to be back with him. He is super busy and in the military so he's not very emotional and I know he's putting up a wall.. it was the greatest year and a half of my life and I just want to continue our life together.. help me please, I feel like there is still hope for us
Hy Alexis,
I think there is nothing much you can do except give him more time. I think you should apply no contact for another 2 months and then send him the letter mentioned in the article.
Hy Alexis,
I think there is nothing much you can do except give him more time. I think you should apply no contact for another 2 months and then send him the letter mentioned in the article.
Do you think your plan is full proof if I want to get an ex back that moved on if it's in the worst case scenario? Some neediness, telling him ily but he doesn't want to talk to me actually said leave me alone.
I've also been wondering because you have the no contact period that can take quite some time depending on what the person works on within themselves but I don't know how to approach him otherwise and I know his birthday is about 6 months away do you think that's too much time to wait because I know the casual happy birthday can be a conversation starter right? Otherwise what should I try? I really don't want him to get in too deep with this new girl and I know his friends/her siblings will continue to push them together no matter what and it's bothering me so much now but I know he does in fact care just so much happened between us that I actually do think time apart where we don't talk could possibly make our bond stronger and allow him to see his great we really are together and how good I am for him, am I wrong? Is it worth it? Should I just give up?
I've had connections with guys before but nothing like this one and I know I did some pretty mean things to him (as he did me) but like he once said I just think we would work so well together and if not at least we can say we tried ya know? He even just said he never really loved me but I feel like after a certain age you actually do feel it and mean it when you say it but because of the things I have said he's being unforgiving and is saying things out of sheer anger but I could be wrong. Do guys do things like take back anything they've ever said when a girl upsets/hurts them?
Your opinion is greatly appreciated thank you.
Hey Kaykay,
Nothing is foolproof. As I mentioned in the beginning of the article, there are no guarantees, but it will increase your chances of getting back together. Yes, guys say mean things when they are hurt. And yes, I do think it's worth trying at least once. However, I'll recommend you keep no contact for 3 months instead of 6 months. You don't need birthdays as a conversation starter. You can use the text messages mentioned in the article.
Hey Kaykay,
Nothing is foolproof. As I mentioned in the beginning of the article, there are no guarantees, but it will increase your chances of getting back together. Yes, guys say mean things when they are hurt. And yes, I do think it's worth trying at least once. However, I'll recommend you keep no contact for 3 months instead of 6 months. You don't need birthdays as a conversation starter. You can use the text messages mentioned in the article.
Hello,
I never follow this no contact rule in my 5 years relationship, but he wants to move and want to search other options he told "you are the first girl of my life i want few days of my freedom and want to go on date with different girls". I felt bad and want him to realist that what he wants is not correct that is why i stop talking.(in past also so many time i accepted his senseless stories to save our relation but this time i could not allow him to go out with girls and stay alone,without me) .
i stop talking him on 21th Feb after a fight. from 28th Feb he started mailing me that he is missing me and i am his critical part and all but on 4th April he mail me that after 6 to 8 months we will get married but by that time you concentrate on your study.(actually again the same thing he wants in this 6-8 months period of time he want to go with girls) i reply him good bye mail.
To realize him i am also a person and i also get angry. In our relation always he alone can not take all decision. he should ask me what i want.
am i doing right thing to relies him that i am also have my own opinions.
Yes, you are. Tell him you need space and time and there are no guarantees that you will wait for him during that 6-8 months. You also have the right to see and date other guys.
Hi Kevin,
First of all thanks to give your time to understand my problem and your reply.
Hay i know he loves me a lot and never tells a lie to me. I just want to make him realize that he is doing wrong. he is bit slow in every thing that is why may be this no contact rule will take some extra time, its almost 50 days no contact and i have not replied any of his mail, only good bye mail i sent as i told.
actually i am bit concern about this no contact rule. Is there any chance of negative affect. (our promises "ego, miss-understanding, miss communication will never come in our relationship" affect because of this no contact rule).
There is of course a risk with no contact, but it's very little. I think you already have miscommunication issues since you are not able to talk to him about how you feel about his decision. He is keeping you as a backup for this 6-8 months while he dates other girls. That's a bigger issue than everything else you mentioned. Like I said you should do no contact and even go on a few dates during this time.
Thanks a lot to motivate me in this condition, really you are doing very good job.
I cross my finger and continue for no-contact.
Thanks a lot to motivate me in this condition, really you are doing very good job.
I cross my finger and continue for no-contact.
Thanks a lot to motivate me in this condition, really you are doing very good job.
I cross my finger and continue for no-contact.
Thanks a lot to motivate me in this condition, really you are doing very good job.
I cross my finger and continue for no-contact.
Thanks a lot to motivate me in this condition, really you are doing very good job.
I cross my finger and continue for no-contact.
my and his age is 30 and we are together for last 5 years.
There is of course a risk with no contact, but it's very little. I think you already have miscommunication issues since you are not able to talk to him about how you feel about his decision. He is keeping you as a backup for this 6-8 months while he dates other girls. That's a bigger issue than everything else you mentioned. Like I said you should do no contact and even go on a few dates during this time.
my and his age is 30 and we are together for last 5 years.
There is of course a risk with no contact, but it's very little. I think you already have miscommunication issues since you are not able to talk to him about how you feel about his decision. He is keeping you as a backup for this 6-8 months while he dates other girls. That's a bigger issue than everything else you mentioned. Like I said you should do no contact and even go on a few dates during this time.
my and his age is 30 and we are together for last 5 years.
There is of course a risk with no contact, but it's very little. I think you already have miscommunication issues since you are not able to talk to him about how you feel about his decision. He is keeping you as a backup for this 6-8 months while he dates other girls. That's a bigger issue than everything else you mentioned. Like I said you should do no contact and even go on a few dates during this time.
my and his age is 30 and we are together for last 5 years.
Hi Kevin,
First of all thanks to give your time to understand my problem and your reply.
Hay i know he loves me a lot and never tells a lie to me. I just want to make him realize that he is doing wrong. he is bit slow in every thing that is why may be this no contact rule will take some extra time, its almost 50 days no contact and i have not replied any of his mail, only good bye mail i sent as i told.
actually i am bit concern about this no contact rule. Is there any chance of negative affect. (our promises "ego, miss-understanding, miss communication will never come in our relationship" affect because of this no contact rule).
Hi Kevin,
First of all thanks to give your time to understand my problem and your reply.
Hay i know he loves me a lot and never tells a lie to me. I just want to make him realize that he is doing wrong. he is bit slow in every thing that is why may be this no contact rule will take some extra time, its almost 50 days no contact and i have not replied any of his mail, only good bye mail i sent as i told.
actually i am bit concern about this no contact rule. Is there any chance of negative affect. (our promises "ego, miss-understanding, miss communication will never come in our relationship" affect because of this no contact rule).
Yes, you are. Tell him you need space and time and there are no guarantees that you will wait for him during that 6-8 months. You also have the right to see and date other guys.
Hi Kelvin,
Firstly, thank you for this article. It has given me a better perspective of things.
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for nearly 3 years now (He's 34 and I'm 23 but we get along well). Things have been great for us with minimal communication problems. We've always managed to overcome the obstacles together until a couple of months back, he started to become distracted. When prompted, he told me it was a mix between being confused with his career (lack of passion with his current job and wanting to explore something different) and his lost of passion towards me. He became unsure of our relationship.
It came to me as a huge surprise as we've always been loving and understanding towards each other. I could only suggest time away from each other and hopefully we would pull through it like we always do. We both agreed on it. I've never been the needy type of girlfriend but I later that day, I made the mistake of trying to convince him to change his mind by texting him and meeting up with him the following day.
Finally, we came to a decision that we definitely needed space but he suggested to meet up once every 2-3 weeks to do something fun and interesting together (i suppose, since every other aspects of our relationship is fine, except the lack of passion).
It's been 1.5 weeks since we had 'no contact'. After reading this article, I'll like to hear your advice if I should follow the ' 30 days no contact' rule or go with the flow with him but play it cool. I'm confused.
What to you think?
Let him initiate contact. If he doesn't keep no contact for 2 months then get back in touch.
Hi Kelvin,
I had to break the 'no contact' rule 2 weeks into it with my boyfriend because our mutual friend was unexpectedly admitted to the hospital. We communicated through text messages. He took the opportunity to ask me how I was doing and also shared with me how he was coping. Turns out he is currently extremely stressed with work (having to be work for 12-14 hrs a day sometimes to rush for a project) and is on the verge of submitting his resignation.
During communication with him, I've tried not to appear emotional or needy but instead, fun, optimistic and being okay with our time apart. He seems warm and friendly enough. He shares with me things that are going on with him currently, however, he does not include me in the activities he mentions (eg: going to a gathering but not extending the invitation to me). He also admitted that he hasn't had enough time to think things through about our relationship but is open to the idea of meeting up 'some time' (but no dates given).
While I try to be understanding with his current situation and honor his need for space, all of my girlfriends seem to have come to the conclusion that he's simply stalling time until the point I finally give up (so he will not be left with the guilt of having to tell me our relationship is over).
I understand men often withdraw to their 'mancave' when seeking space for themselves. Is it normal for my boyfriend to be doing so by not engaging me in activities we normally do together?
I'm thinking of continuing 'no contact' for another month or two, or till he initiates, but I'd also like to hear your opinion (a male's POV) if there's a good chance for us to get back together given time and space?
Thanks again.
Hi Kelvin,
I had to break the 'no contact' rule 2 weeks into it with my boyfriend because our mutual friend was unexpectedly admitted to the hospital. We communicated through text messages. He took the opportunity to ask me how I was doing and also shared with me how he was coping. Turns out he is currently extremely stressed with work (having to be work for 12-14 hrs a day sometimes to rush for a project) and is on the verge of submitting his resignation.
During communication with him, I've tried not to appear emotional or needy but instead, fun, optimistic and being okay with our time apart. He seems warm and friendly enough. He shares with me things that are going on with him currently, however, he does not include me in the activities he mentions (eg: going to a gathering but not extending the invitation to me). He also admitted that he hasn't had enough time to think things through about our relationship but is open to the idea of meeting up 'some time' (but no dates given).
While I try to be understanding with his current situation and honor his need for space, all of my girlfriends seem to have come to the conclusion that he's simply stalling time until the point I finally give up (so he will not be left with the guilt of having to tell me our relationship is over).
I understand men often withdraw to their 'mancave' when seeking space for themselves. Is it normal for my boyfriend to be doing so by not engaging me in activities we normally do together?
I'm thinking of continuing 'no contact' for another month or two, or till he initiates, but I'd also like to hear your opinion (a male's POV) if there's a good chance for us to get back together given time and space?
Thanks again.
Hi Kelvin,
I had to break the 'no contact' rule 2 weeks into it with my boyfriend because our mutual friend was unexpectedly admitted to the hospital. We communicated through text messages. He took the opportunity to ask me how I was doing and also shared with me how he was coping. Turns out he is currently extremely stressed with work (having to be work for 12-14 hrs a day sometimes to rush for a project) and is on the verge of submitting his resignation.
During communication with him, I've tried not to appear emotional or needy but instead, fun, optimistic and being okay with our time apart. He seems warm and friendly enough. He shares with me things that are going on with him currently, however, he does not include me in the activities he mentions (eg: going to a gathering but not extending the invitation to me). He also admitted that he hasn't had enough time to think things through about our relationship but is open to the idea of meeting up 'some time' (but no dates given).
While I try to be understanding with his current situation and honor his need for space, all of my girlfriends seem to have come to the conclusion that he's simply stalling time until the point I finally give up (so he will not be left with the guilt of having to tell me our relationship is over).
I understand men often withdraw to their 'mancave' when seeking space for themselves. Is it normal for my boyfriend to be doing so by not engaging me in activities we normally do together?
I'm thinking of continuing 'no contact' for another month or two, or till he initiates, but I'd also like to hear your opinion (a male's POV) if there's a good chance for us to get back together given time and space?
Thanks again.
Let him initiate contact. If he doesn't keep no contact for 2 months then get back in touch.
Hi Kevin
me and my partner were together for 8 years engaged and have a daughter together and own two houses. i did some stupid things to betray her trust and last Oct 2013 she split up with me over something I did back in March 2013 I did the usual I pleaded with her ever time i seen her when I dropped little one back. Then I'd leave her alone for a few weeks then Feb I found out she had been on a date so I started being needy asking her to think about us give us a chance for a couple of days then I left her alone for 6 weeks or so till she told me out the blue she was seeing this bloke she had been on a date with he's the only person she dated since us she says she's taking things slowly and seeing how it goes i know she's checking my fb cuz she made a comment about a pic I tagged a female friend in i just don't know what to do about his bloke she's seeing is it serious or just a rebound some advice you be much appreciated
Thanks steve
If she is taking things slowly, it could be that it's not a rebound. I think you should follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work, you should try to move on.
If she is taking things slowly, it could be that it's not a rebound. I think you should follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work, you should try to move on.
Im in the no contact stage for about a week now. I usually send my ex's parents cards on all holidays. Should I NOT send one for Easter as part of the no contact?
I don't think sending a card to her parents is breaking no contact.
Thanks. She did say back in January no cards flowers or anything. Don't contact my family or friends. On the fence about the card.
Then skip it. Were you on good terms with her parents before you met her? If not, then it won't be rude if you don't send them a card this time.
Then skip it. Were you on good terms with her parents before you met her? If not, then it won't be rude if you don't send them a card this time.
Then skip it. Were you on good terms with her parents before you met her? If not, then it won't be rude if you don't send them a card this time.
Then skip it. Were you on good terms with her parents before you met her? If not, then it won't be rude if you don't send them a card this time.
Thanks. She did say back in January no cards flowers or anything. Don't contact my family or friends. On the fence about the card.
Thanks. She did say back in January no cards flowers or anything. Don't contact my family or friends. On the fence about the card.
I don't think sending a card to her parents is breaking no contact.
Hey kevin!
A week a go i posted about my story and u told me to follow the no contact rule!
I started following it nd just after 3 days my ex msgd me saying that he was missing me!i couldnt stop myself nd so i repplied!
He came back to me but im sure that he is still in a relationship and he is hiding it from! I ask him everyday to tell me the truth i even told him that i will give him some time if he tells me the truth but unfortunately he is not telling me!
I dont know now what to do!
I am helpless
I need your help
Please suggest what should i do?
Tell him you need some space and time right now and start no contact again. This time, keep it for 30 days.
But why should i continue with the no contact if he came back to me?
Plz plan something
I just cant continue the no contact period because i have developed a fear of losing him!
Plzzz suggest me something else like a plan
Well Rida,
He did come back, but he is not 100% committed to you. He is still treating you like a doormat and he is not even ready to speak to you about things that are important to you. In my opinion, you took him back in a heartbeat without thinking twice about whether or not it was the right decision for you. You took him back without explaining him what you expect from him and what will be unacceptable for you.
If you want to get him to commit to you, respect you, and treat you like you deserve to be treated, you should apply no contact. Tell him you need space and time and you can't stay with him unless he is committed to making the relationship work.
The first time you did no contact, he came back in 3 days. So don't be afraid of no contact.
Ok ill try!
Thanks a lot!:)
Ok ill try!
Thanks a lot!:)
Ok ill try!
Thanks a lot!:)
Ok ill try!
Thanks a lot!:)
Ok ill try!
Thanks a lot!:)
Well Rida,
He did come back, but he is not 100% committed to you. He is still treating you like a doormat and he is not even ready to speak to you about things that are important to you. In my opinion, you took him back in a heartbeat without thinking twice about whether or not it was the right decision for you. You took him back without explaining him what you expect from him and what will be unacceptable for you.
If you want to get him to commit to you, respect you, and treat you like you deserve to be treated, you should apply no contact. Tell him you need space and time and you can't stay with him unless he is committed to making the relationship work.
The first time you did no contact, he came back in 3 days. So don't be afraid of no contact.
Well Rida,
He did come back, but he is not 100% committed to you. He is still treating you like a doormat and he is not even ready to speak to you about things that are important to you. In my opinion, you took him back in a heartbeat without thinking twice about whether or not it was the right decision for you. You took him back without explaining him what you expect from him and what will be unacceptable for you.
If you want to get him to commit to you, respect you, and treat you like you deserve to be treated, you should apply no contact. Tell him you need space and time and you can't stay with him unless he is committed to making the relationship work.
The first time you did no contact, he came back in 3 days. So don't be afraid of no contact.
Well Rida,
He did come back, but he is not 100% committed to you. He is still treating you like a doormat and he is not even ready to speak to you about things that are important to you. In my opinion, you took him back in a heartbeat without thinking twice about whether or not it was the right decision for you. You took him back without explaining him what you expect from him and what will be unacceptable for you.
If you want to get him to commit to you, respect you, and treat you like you deserve to be treated, you should apply no contact. Tell him you need space and time and you can't stay with him unless he is committed to making the relationship work.
The first time you did no contact, he came back in 3 days. So don't be afraid of no contact.
But why should i continue with the no contact if he came back to me?
Plz plan something
I just cant continue the no contact period because i have developed a fear of losing him!
Plzzz suggest me something else like a plan
But why should i continue with the no contact if he came back to me?
Plz plan something
I just cant continue the no contact period because i have developed a fear of losing him!
Plzzz suggest me something else like a plan
Tell him you need some space and time right now and start no contact again. This time, keep it for 30 days.
My ex and I broke up in mid January although we still had contact up til about a month ago through text and then a week ago from another text from me. We dated for about 2 years and the last year was on and off for several reasons. She moved for one and then also I kept breaking up with her here and there for different reasons. As recently as this past xmas and new years we were together. She suspected I cheated on her bc she saw a facebook post that I was skiing with some girl. The girl turns out is married with children and a co worker. I was skiing with her although we were in a big group and I DID NOT cheat. Anyhow my ex wouldnt hear it. She was so mad and said DO NOT ever contact me again im done. She said no cards flowers no nothing. DO NOT CONTACT me...we are never getting back together again. She was really angry. Again, I did not cheat on her and I expressed that and we had some closure through text about a month ago. Is it still possible to get her back? Also, we technically broke up in Jan although we had the closure text about a month ago and then I broke down last week and sent a text saying I hope your doing well type of thing. So I was thinking contact her in about 60+ days when summer begins. We are both teachers. Thoughts?
Yes, contacting her after 60 days is a good idea. Although, I want you to think hard if you want to get back with her during this time. Do you really want someone who would break up with you just because you were skiing with a girl? Don't you want someone whom you can trust and who trusts you enough to at least talk about it before breaking up with you?
Thank u for getting back. It was a lot more than just the ski trip. That was the last straw. I had messed up a ton before and she gave me countless chances. Anyhow she left it very angry. Said we are never getting back together. What should I do? I think she was just angry bc I was dishonest. I know 100% I want her back just don't think she will even take a text from me. She lives 5 hours from me now too. What should I do and do u think there is a chance even though she said never. Thoughts?
There is definitely a chance. In that case, just follow the plan and send her the letter.
There is definitely a chance. In that case, just follow the plan and send her the letter.
There is definitely a chance. In that case, just follow the plan and send her the letter.
There is definitely a chance. In that case, just follow the plan and send her the letter.
Thank u for getting back. It was a lot more than just the ski trip. That was the last straw. I had messed up a ton before and she gave me countless chances. Anyhow she left it very angry. Said we are never getting back together. What should I do? I think she was just angry bc I was dishonest. I know 100% I want her back just don't think she will even take a text from me. She lives 5 hours from me now too. What should I do and do u think there is a chance even though she said never. Thoughts?
Thank u for getting back. It was a lot more than just the ski trip. That was the last straw. I had messed up a ton before and she gave me countless chances. Anyhow she left it very angry. Said we are never getting back together. What should I do? I think she was just angry bc I was dishonest. I know 100% I want her back just don't think she will even take a text from me. She lives 5 hours from me now too. What should I do and do u think there is a chance even though she said never. Thoughts?
Yes, contacting her after 60 days is a good idea. Although, I want you to think hard if you want to get back with her during this time. Do you really want someone who would break up with you just because you were skiing with a girl? Don't you want someone whom you can trust and who trusts you enough to at least talk about it before breaking up with you?
Hey kev,
im in a bad place right now, my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, and after we broke up there was texting days after both from me and from her, i mean i guess i was kinda acting needy because i missed her and i wanted her back, and some of the messages she sent me we like "this sucks lets talk" and "im lonely" and ultimately i guess i took them the wrong way so we keep texting she was constantly going hot and cold and i even went to the gym with her a week after, anyway im at the stage right now where we have been in no contact for nearly a week and to be honest i feel lost and confused like im not over obsessing over her but she is still in my mind and thats whats get me down, ultimately im just looking for a bit of advice really on what i should do??
thank, Ken
Hello Kevin,
Unfortunately me and my girlfriend broke up one week ago, after being with each other for 7 months and it's been very difficult she met me at lunch last week and mentioned that she can't deal with bickering, moaning and having silly little arguments with each other and that she doesn't think that the relationship will work but it was only for one month that we were having all these arguments with each other and they were only over very silly and small things. I was telling her that it natural to have arguments and things in any relationship and I asked if we could move forward happily and forget about the bad month but she didn't seem sure on that but she wanted to break so it ended but it was a mutual ending. I was saying can we give it a second change to start new and fresh but she didn't seem to want to? We were so happy together and seeing each other every week and we loved each other so much so it seemed to be a sudden break. After we broke I haven't contacted her in any way, shape or form and neither has she tried to contact me for the 9 days that we've not been together. We are both 17 years old but very mature. Could you give me some tips on what I should say to her? How can I get her back? When should I break the no contact rule and talk to her? Should I wait for her to message me first? Things I could say to her to make her want to get into a relationship again? And any other advice that you could give me to get back into a relationship with her??
Thanks.
Hey Jack,
All your questions are answered in the 5 step plan.
Hey Jack,
All your questions are answered in the 5 step plan.
Hey Jack,
All your questions are answered in the 5 step plan.
Continue no contact for another 4 weeks at least. You will eventually stop obsessing over her and start thinking clearly. Don't get back in touch unless you realise you don't need her in your life anymore to be happy.
Hello Kevin,
Unfortunately me and my girlfriend broke up one week ago, after being with each other for 7 months and it's been very difficult she met me at lunch last week and mentioned that she can't deal with bickering, moaning and having silly little arguments with each other and that she doesn't think that the relationship will work but it was only for one month that we were having all these arguments with each other and they were only over very silly and small things. I was telling her that it natural to have arguments and things in any relationship and I asked if we could move forward happily and forget about the bad month but she didn't seem sure on that but she wanted to break so it ended but it was a mutual ending. I was saying can we give it a second change to start new and fresh but she didn't seem to want to? We were so happy together and seeing each other every week and we loved each other so much so it seemed to be a sudden break. After we broke I haven't contacted her in any way, shape or form and neither has she tried to contact me for the 9 days that we've not been together. We are both 17 years old but very mature. Could you give me some tips on what I should say to her? How can I get her back? When should I break the no contact rule and talk to her? Should I wait for her to message me first? Things I could say to her to make her want to get into a relationship again? And any other advice that you could give me to get back into a relationship with her??
Thanks.
Continue no contact for another 4 weeks at least. You will eventually stop obsessing over her and start thinking clearly. Don't get back in touch unless you realise you don't need her in your life anymore to be happy.
My ex talked about all these things about a month ago and is now saying he doesn't care, he never really cared and vibes so much better with the new girls in his life and I do believe they exist because of the things I've seen him post on FB such as, "I have confidence so much confidence in you!!!" Or "i know it's a reason why I'm here and a reason why she's gone"
But I know they aren't directed towards me because I deactivated my FB and saw them through a friends (creep I know lol) but why do you think he's doing this now? If he was saying the opposite not long ago?
Was it all a lie? All games? Should I just move on?
Stop looking at his facebook. There is a chance he has really moved on, but if he feels the need to post it on facebook, then in my opinion, he is just trying to convince himself or the world he has moved on and deep down he is still not over you. But seriously, stop looking at his facebook. And start no contact for another 2 months. If after that you still think you want him back in touch. If he is cold and uninterested, then move on.
Stop looking at his facebook. There is a chance he has really moved on, but if he feels the need to post it on facebook, then in my opinion, he is just trying to convince himself or the world he has moved on and deep down he is still not over you. But seriously, stop looking at his facebook. And start no contact for another 2 months. If after that you still think you want him back in touch. If he is cold and uninterested, then move on.
My ex boyfriend moved his ex girlfriend in 2 weeks after we broke up but swears he loves me and just did it to get over me. I have finished my 30 day no contact period but they still live together. is it disrespectful to end him a letter or text?
No it's not. Contact him.
No it's not. Contact him.
Hi Kevin!
My girlfriend of over 1 year and 6 months wants to break up with me. She told me she wanted to be be independent because she was so dependent to me BUT she told me that she still very much loves me. She also told me that one of the reasons for her to break up with me is she wanted love to find a way. If she breaks up with me then loves connects back together then i am the one for her but if it wont then its not meant to be. Please im so confused i need to help on what to do in this situation.
will she still comeback to me? or is this a hopeless cause?
should i apply the no contact rule? whats going to happen if i do?
Yes, apply no contact. I’ll recommend that you do it for at least 6 months. Let her experience her life and contact her after that. I assume she is young and if you convince her to get back together, she will always have it at the back of her mind and she will never be 100% committed to you.
Yes, apply no contact. I’ll recommend that you do it for at least 6 months. Let her experience her life and contact her after that. I assume she is young and if you convince her to get back together, she will always have it at the back of her mind and she will never be 100% committed to you.
Hi Kevin, it's been 3 months since the breakup. Have been in touch only once a month so far but mostly I'm the one who's initiating only to be reciprocated by 1 reply or so. Passed the painting to his sister last month but did not initiate contact with him. Not sure if he knew the painting existed. Anyway I contacted him last thursday via whatsapp congratulating him of his achievement (he posted it on fb) and although he just replied thanks, I tried to ask further details of how he did it so he can talk more. True enough he did but I tried to keep the conversation short but with lots of happiness for him and eventually when he replied with yup, I didn't reply anymore. Because in the past, if he's the one ending the convo, he would often chase again. But I know the situation now, so I didn't expect him to chase and when he didn't, I wasn't disappointed. Tomorrow is his sister's birthday and so last night, I reminded him that it's his sister's birthday in 2 days. He just said yup no worries he know. I said okay! :) and he didn't reply anymore. I admit I felt rather down but after sleeping through a night, I got over it. I know he haven't see the positive change in me, that's why the indifference. It's okay. He will see it in due time when we meet again next month. I believe not seeing for almost 4 months would let him see how different I am.
I know we're meant to be together and so I will let go of the fear of losing him forever. Fear is just an illusion. As long as I'm working on making new changes on myself, have that unwavering faith that we're meant to be, I believe I will release a positive energy that can attract him back. :)
He seems cold Tan. I hope things work out for you. I'll also recommend that you try going out on a few dates before meeting him next month.
For once he contacted me! But it's to dissolve the flat that we bought together because he's worried about the interest accumulating. I guess I have no choice but to go along with it. Tried delaying it previously because I feel we'll still get back together again. But I know on his end, he may not think so. He said this is like a thorn that's bothering him. Sighs. I try not to think too much because at least we're talking. But somehow I don't feel especially down because somehow I really feel that he'll realize I'm still the one who's suitable for him. I don't wish to hurry things so I'll just let go of what's happening now, move on and let things unfold itself. I'm tired of thinking what cards I should play in order to get him back. I feel it's not letting nature take its own course.
Should I initiate contact to meet him to cut off all ties instead of waiting and checking my phone to see when he's gonna text me? I'm tired of the jittery feeling when what he texts is something negative which I don't want to see. I have a feeling things might change when we meet up because that's when we truly get to "start over". The vision that he would have a heavy heart when he sees my reluctance to sign the papers and wants to start over kept replaying in my mind. I don't know what to do now.
If you think it'll help you feel better, do it. If you can somehow make yourself stop waiting for his text, it would be better. But if you can't help yourself, go ahead and do it.
If you think it'll help you feel better, do it. If you can somehow make yourself stop waiting for his text, it would be better. But if you can't help yourself, go ahead and do it.
If you think it'll help you feel better, do it. If you can somehow make yourself stop waiting for his text, it would be better. But if you can't help yourself, go ahead and do it.
If you think it'll help you feel better, do it. If you can somehow make yourself stop waiting for his text, it would be better. But if you can't help yourself, go ahead and do it.
If you think it'll help you feel better, do it. If you can somehow make yourself stop waiting for his text, it would be better. But if you can't help yourself, go ahead and do it.
Should I initiate contact to meet him to cut off all ties instead of waiting and checking my phone to see when he's gonna text me? I'm tired of the jittery feeling when what he texts is something negative which I don't want to see. I have a feeling things might change when we meet up because that's when we truly get to "start over". The vision that he would have a heavy heart when he sees my reluctance to sign the papers and wants to start over kept replaying in my mind. I don't know what to do now.
Should I initiate contact to meet him to cut off all ties instead of waiting and checking my phone to see when he's gonna text me? I'm tired of the jittery feeling when what he texts is something negative which I don't want to see. I have a feeling things might change when we meet up because that's when we truly get to "start over". The vision that he would have a heavy heart when he sees my reluctance to sign the papers and wants to start over kept replaying in my mind. I don't know what to do now.
Should I initiate contact to meet him to cut off all ties instead of waiting and checking my phone to see when he's gonna text me? I'm tired of the jittery feeling when what he texts is something negative which I don't want to see. I have a feeling things might change when we meet up because that's when we truly get to "start over". The vision that he would have a heavy heart when he sees my reluctance to sign the papers and wants to start over kept replaying in my mind. I don't know what to do now.
For once he contacted me! But it's to dissolve the flat that we bought together because he's worried about the interest accumulating. I guess I have no choice but to go along with it. Tried delaying it previously because I feel we'll still get back together again. But I know on his end, he may not think so. He said this is like a thorn that's bothering him. Sighs. I try not to think too much because at least we're talking. But somehow I don't feel especially down because somehow I really feel that he'll realize I'm still the one who's suitable for him. I don't wish to hurry things so I'll just let go of what's happening now, move on and let things unfold itself. I'm tired of thinking what cards I should play in order to get him back. I feel it's not letting nature take its own course.
For once he contacted me! But it's to dissolve the flat that we bought together because he's worried about the interest accumulating. I guess I have no choice but to go along with it. Tried delaying it previously because I feel we'll still get back together again. But I know on his end, he may not think so. He said this is like a thorn that's bothering him. Sighs. I try not to think too much because at least we're talking. But somehow I don't feel especially down because somehow I really feel that he'll realize I'm still the one who's suitable for him. I don't wish to hurry things so I'll just let go of what's happening now, move on and let things unfold itself. I'm tired of thinking what cards I should play in order to get him back. I feel it's not letting nature take its own course.
He seems cold Tan. I hope things work out for you. I'll also recommend that you try going out on a few dates before meeting him next month.
Hi Kevin,
I just broke up with my ex about one month ago and i swear i really want him back in my life. I feel very bad to myself bcoz im the one who cause this relationship to be ruined. im the one who asked for breakup (but actually i didnt meant it anyway) ive made my mistake and ask for his forgiveness. unfortunately he ignores me until now. i just want him back and i really think he's the one. apart of me think that he might also want to get back together but i also think that he already hates me because he said "nothing happens twice in my life" . what can i do :'(
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
My relationship is quite complicated and I don't know if anyone will be able to solve it or not. We were in a serious relationship for two and a half years. Then, he moved to another state. It became really difficult for me to handle the long distance relationship. He was also busy with his friends. Things started getting worse so we broke up with each other. Then. I met a guy in the gym. This guy helped me get over my ex and he used to make me feel happy. However, I had to also go to some other state for my higher education so this attraction didn't last long. Then, my ex came to meet me and told me that he still has feelings for me. I had already moved on so I was reluctant to give him another chance. However, deep down I knew that I had always loved him so I gave him another chance. Then, he went back to his college and we were in a long distance relationship again. I used to rarely go online whenever he called me. Both of us had ego and I used to not care much about him. This led to our second break up. Then, both of us were busy in our own lives. He used to always initiate conversation via phone or facebook and we were in contact. I also allowed myself to talk with other guys and went on a few dates with one of them. Then, I realized that nobody can replace my ex. I wanted him to be back in my life so I tried to talk with him about this. However, he rejected my proposal. He doesn't believe in long distance relationship anymore. Moreover, he wants me to forget him so he told me that he was in a relationship with some other girl.Later I came to know that he was telling a lie. He told me that he really respects me and he cannot get a girl like me again but he doesn't feel the same now.he said that I'm a nice girl and he is not the one I'm looking for.My heart was broken into pieces. I regret not giving him enough importance when he was with me. I really want him back now. I don't think any guy will be able to replace him. In fact I don't wanna date any other guy except him. We took each other for granted without realizing that we always were perfect for each other.We have started talking a lot lately. We chat with each everyday.He tells me about his problems and his career goals. I also share my every secret with him. Once I just told him that i fell down the stairs and he scolded me really bad for being so careless. However, whenever I try to talk or flirt with him, he just changes the topic. Everyday I think of the ways to bring him back but I literally dont know what to do. Please help me. I am hopeless now. I really really love him. Please solve my complicated problem.
If you've been talking to him every day, then applying no contact for a short while might be a good idea. Then get back in touch with him and start talking again. This time, tell him that either you should either get back together or you should cut contact with him and move on.
If you've been talking to him every day, then applying no contact for a short while might be a good idea. Then get back in touch with him and start talking again. This time, tell him that either you should either get back together or you should cut contact with him and move on.
Hey,
I need help I'm 17 and I've been in a serious relationship for about 2 years now and two weeks ago me and my girlfriend broke up. We had a huge argument because I was angry because of the death of my grandfather. I said pretty horrible things and then she ended it, I do not recognise the person who wrote that and I feel pretty bad for what I have done. She said that her feelings are confused and she doesn't know what she wants, I understand that exams are soon but I can't cope with losing two people I care about. We have been in contact since the break up and we have met on several occasions and it seems fine but I am getting mixed signals with her pulling me close to her one minute and then pushing me away the next and I'm getting confused. I want to give her space but when I do she always asks to see me and I can never seem to say no. I have read the article and I have done those things in step 1 but I can't help it. I need advice on what I should do, would you be able to help? Much appreciated, josh
Kevin, I am going through a break up but we still live together and we will for at least another 30 days before our lease is up. I want things to work out ... is there anything I can still do during this time to make things better for us so we don't break up. He says he still loves me but just lost the spark.
Don't act needy and don't try to convince him to get back together. Chances are, you won't get back together during these 30 days, so don't try to push it. When you move out, follow the plan.
Don't act needy and don't try to convince him to get back together. Chances are, you won't get back together during these 30 days, so don't try to push it. When you move out, follow the plan.
Kevin,
My gf broke up with me after 3 years of relationship. I was her teacher in college and we fell in love. She was a meek and weak person to begin with but I boosted her moral and confidence and helped her get a very respectable job in IT and she thrived there. She saw me as a very strong person and in all past 3 years she always wanted commitment for marriage which I was not ready for. We parted many times but for a while and got back together. We had good and bad days but we always seems to resolve the differences.
Lately she became very needy and had so much expectation from me which I was unable to fulfill. So I have started ingoing her (I took her for granted) .Two weeks ago she said she didn't want to see me anymore and she said we should move on in our own ways. She said we could be friends but not more than that which broke my heart. I am very happy go lucky person but during BU she told me I made her career but I messed up her life. She said going forward she wanted to stay happy too. I cried and bargained (5 stages of grief) for her to come back but she walked away with a cruel smile on her face.
Next day I showed up on her house very early in the morning. she didn't open the door so I begged and she let me in. I cried and tried to convince her but she was a totally different person, rude and ruthless and strong and indifferent. She said I lost her long time ago but some how she hung on. She said I was a very selfish man and she found a person and she would like to have a child with him which made me further cry but made no sense to me. she also said don't do this to any other woman. which again made no sense to me. She asked me to leave but I wanted to get a final good bye hug (became so needy and desperate and miserable). She resisted and started crying and begged me to leave her alone. She said I am stranger for her now. She also said I put her in the hell. Neither I don't let her live nor I let her go. Then she literally kicked me out from her house. I never got the closure.
I went on google and read about how dumpee :) (I loved this new name for me) and dumper feels after BU. Since I wanted to ger her back so badly I acted like a doormat and called her 3 days down the road and agreed to help enhancing her career further and promised to stay as friend. She trusted me and I offered her to go to a musical concert. she accepted. Once in the concert I again became so needy and emotional and begged for a hug on which she left in the middle leaving me there crying.
Fortunately I landed to your site and started NC 4 days ago. I deleted her number, all of her emails and photos. She called me today and I picked up the phone without even looking at the number. She asked me to work with her as a teacher again to help her progress in her carrier. I said I needed some time and space on which she hung up on me. She called again and I didn't pick it up.
She had past history of suicidal tendency (before meeting me) and depression which never bothered me until now. I love her from my heart and didn't want to lose her. What should I do, please help ?
You did well. Continue no contact and follow the plan.
Kevin I am 41 and my ex gf is 40
You did well. Continue no contact and follow the plan.
Kevin I am 41 and my ex gf is 40
Hey so me and my girlfriend recently broke up. She said she didn't see me in her future. But she also said that I was mean and in responsible. Truth is and I told her this was I was so stressed about my job because I was working on getting a promotion that opened up for a manager. I got about 2 weeks before we broke up. Now I'm stress less but she's still not willing to get back with me. I've known her for 4 years and we were best friends prior to dating. But after we broke up we were still friends, best friends. So I saw your no contact rule an I thought to myself how can I do this without hurting outlets friendship as well as my chances I get back with her. I'm really hurt over the break up but I also feel like it changed me to be a better man. What should I do! Please help:)
Tell her you need space and time to deal with the breakup. If she is really your friend, she will understand.
So I just hit a breakthrough today. So before we broke up I invited her to a family party I had. Well the whole car ride there she cuddled with me out of nowhere, then we went on a walk and she held my hand. Then durning the party outta nowhere she pulled me aside and started making out with me. Then she brought up something about our break up and started yelling at me. Then said " I was planning on getting back with you but now I'm not" but then we talked and she became happier, we kissed again the the carried back we cuddled again. Then I went back to her house and chilled with her. We decided to play truth or dare an I thought of a plan to get her back a good way. So she asked me and I purposely chose dare, then I asked her if I could dare her to do something when I thought of one, then we continued to play for fun. As I was about to leave we hugged and kissed and she said she loved and missed me and that she was sorry for kissing me because she said that she just misse me a lot and that it was hard. So she was about to walk to the door then I grabbed her arm and said, " I thought of a dare for you, I dare you to give me one final chance to prove to you I'm the man you want to be with and that I'm still the man you fell in love with" she said " no, not right now." Then went inside. So then I got home an I texted her asking her what that ment. And all she said was " you overthink things more then I do. Goodnight Jasun ;)" I am so confused idk what to do. Please reply fast!
Jay, you should take things slowly. She was warming up to you and getting close to you, but you showed neediness and desperation. I think you should wait another week before getting back in touch and this time, don't let her know that you want to get back. Don't try any other romantic gestures. Just have fun and let it be her idea to get back together.
We'll last night I cut off communication and applied no contact. I told her how I felt and us kissing an stuff is just putting me in a bad state and I needed time. I even canceled going to the concert with her to show her I'm serious about this and that I'm no longer gonna be walked on.
Even though it's not what I advised, if you think that was for the best, then you did the right thing. You need to put yourself before everything else.
Even though it's not what I advised, if you think that was for the best, then you did the right thing. You need to put yourself before everything else.
Even though it's not what I advised, if you think that was for the best, then you did the right thing. You need to put yourself before everything else.
Even though it's not what I advised, if you think that was for the best, then you did the right thing. You need to put yourself before everything else.
Even though it's not what I advised, if you think that was for the best, then you did the right thing. You need to put yourself before everything else.
Even though it's not what I advised, if you think that was for the best, then you did the right thing. You need to put yourself before everything else.
Well we have a rave to go to on Thursday and I may be staying the night at her house. I don't wanna cancel third plans so should I wait till Friday to cut off communication for a week?
In that case, it'll depend on she reacts when you meet. If she is cold, then cut communication for a week. If not, then don't.
In that case, it'll depend on she reacts when you meet. If she is cold, then cut communication for a week. If not, then don't.
In that case, it'll depend on she reacts when you meet. If she is cold, then cut communication for a week. If not, then don't.
In that case, it'll depend on she reacts when you meet. If she is cold, then cut communication for a week. If not, then don't.
In that case, it'll depend on she reacts when you meet. If she is cold, then cut communication for a week. If not, then don't.
In that case, it'll depend on she reacts when you meet. If she is cold, then cut communication for a week. If not, then don't.
And today she told me she woke and up realized how much she misses being with me. What should I do now
We'll last night I cut off communication and applied no contact. I told her how I felt and us kissing an stuff is just putting me in a bad state and I needed time. I even canceled going to the concert with her to show her I'm serious about this and that I'm no longer gonna be walked on.
Well we have a rave to go to on Thursday and I may be staying the night at her house. I don't wanna cancel third plans so should I wait till Friday to cut off communication for a week?
And today she told me she woke and up realized how much she misses being with me. What should I do now
We'll last night I cut off communication and applied no contact. I told her how I felt and us kissing an stuff is just putting me in a bad state and I needed time. I even canceled going to the concert with her to show her I'm serious about this and that I'm no longer gonna be walked on.
Well we have a rave to go to on Thursday and I may be staying the night at her house. I don't wanna cancel third plans so should I wait till Friday to cut off communication for a week?
And today she told me she woke and up realized how much she misses being with me. What should I do now
We'll last night I cut off communication and applied no contact. I told her how I felt and us kissing an stuff is just putting me in a bad state and I needed time. I even canceled going to the concert with her to show her I'm serious about this and that I'm no longer gonna be walked on.
Well we have a rave to go to on Thursday and I may be staying the night at her house. I don't wanna cancel third plans so should I wait till Friday to cut off communication for a week?
And today she told me she woke and up realized how much she misses being with me. What should I do now
We'll last night I cut off communication and applied no contact. I told her how I felt and us kissing an stuff is just putting me in a bad state and I needed time. I even canceled going to the concert with her to show her I'm serious about this and that I'm no longer gonna be walked on.
Well we have a rave to go to on Thursday and I may be staying the night at her house. I don't wanna cancel third plans so should I wait till Friday to cut off communication for a week?
And today she told me she woke and up realized how much she misses being with me. What should I do now
Jay, you should take things slowly. She was warming up to you and getting close to you, but you showed neediness and desperation. I think you should wait another week before getting back in touch and this time, don't let her know that you want to get back. Don't try any other romantic gestures. Just have fun and let it be her idea to get back together.
Jay, you should take things slowly. She was warming up to you and getting close to you, but you showed neediness and desperation. I think you should wait another week before getting back in touch and this time, don't let her know that you want to get back. Don't try any other romantic gestures. Just have fun and let it be her idea to get back together.
Jay, you should take things slowly. She was warming up to you and getting close to you, but you showed neediness and desperation. I think you should wait another week before getting back in touch and this time, don't let her know that you want to get back. Don't try any other romantic gestures. Just have fun and let it be her idea to get back together.
Sorry for this but it wouldn't let me reply, But how would I go upon getting her back? The thing is we still talk and hang out all the time and say I love you and kiss on the cheek. And when we hug I still feel the romance between us. I hung out with her yesterday when she was on break cause she told me to stop by. I told her I was way less stressful and a happier person because I contacted a therapeist. She said she glad and happy to hear that. Then I had to tell her how I still felt cause I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I asked her if maybe we could have a second chance an she said not now but well see. Then I'm currently hanging out with her now and she brought something up and said now were probably not getting back together. I'm getting a lot of mixed feelings from her and don't know what to do. Any ideas ?
So I just hit a breakthrough today. So before we broke up I invited her to a family party I had. Well the whole car ride there she cuddled with me out of nowhere, then we went on a walk and she held my hand. Then durning the party outta nowhere she pulled me aside and started making out with me. Then she brought up something about our break up and started yelling at me. Then said " I was planning on getting back with you but now I'm not" but then we talked and she became happier, we kissed again the the carried back we cuddled again. Then I went back to her house and chilled with her. We decided to play truth or dare an I thought of a plan to get her back a good way. So she asked me and I purposely chose dare, then I asked her if I could dare her to do something when I thought of one, then we continued to play for fun. As I was about to leave we hugged and kissed and she said she loved and missed me and that she was sorry for kissing me because she said that she just misse me a lot and that it was hard. So she was about to walk to the door then I grabbed her arm and said, " I thought of a dare for you, I dare you to give me one final chance to prove to you I'm the man you want to be with and that I'm still the man you fell in love with" she said " no, not right now." Then went inside. So then I got home an I texted her asking her what that ment. And all she said was " you overthink things more then I do. Goodnight Jasun ;)" I am so confused idk what to do. Please reply fast!
Sorry for this but it wouldn't let me reply, But how would I go upon getting her back? The thing is we still talk and hang out all the time and say I love you and kiss on the cheek. And when we hug I still feel the romance between us. I hung out with her yesterday when she was on break cause she told me to stop by. I told her I was way less stressful and a happier person because I contacted a therapeist. She said she glad and happy to hear that. Then I had to tell her how I still felt cause I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I asked her if maybe we could have a second chance an she said not now but well see. Then I'm currently hanging out with her now and she brought something up and said now were probably not getting back together. I'm getting a lot of mixed feelings from her and don't know what to do. Any ideas ?
So I just hit a breakthrough today. So before we broke up I invited her to a family party I had. Well the whole car ride there she cuddled with me out of nowhere, then we went on a walk and she held my hand. Then durning the party outta nowhere she pulled me aside and started making out with me. Then she brought up something about our break up and started yelling at me. Then said " I was planning on getting back with you but now I'm not" but then we talked and she became happier, we kissed again the the carried back we cuddled again. Then I went back to her house and chilled with her. We decided to play truth or dare an I thought of a plan to get her back a good way. So she asked me and I purposely chose dare, then I asked her if I could dare her to do something when I thought of one, then we continued to play for fun. As I was about to leave we hugged and kissed and she said she loved and missed me and that she was sorry for kissing me because she said that she just misse me a lot and that it was hard. So she was about to walk to the door then I grabbed her arm and said, " I thought of a dare for you, I dare you to give me one final chance to prove to you I'm the man you want to be with and that I'm still the man you fell in love with" she said " no, not right now." Then went inside. So then I got home an I texted her asking her what that ment. And all she said was " you overthink things more then I do. Goodnight Jasun ;)" I am so confused idk what to do. Please reply fast!
Sorry for this but it wouldn't let me reply, But how would I go upon getting her back? The thing is we still talk and hang out all the time and say I love you and kiss on the cheek. And when we hug I still feel the romance between us. I hung out with her yesterday when she was on break cause she told me to stop by. I told her I was way less stressful and a happier person because I contacted a therapeist. She said she glad and happy to hear that. Then I had to tell her how I still felt cause I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I asked her if maybe we could have a second chance an she said not now but well see. Then I'm currently hanging out with her now and she brought something up and said now were probably not getting back together. I'm getting a lot of mixed feelings from her and don't know what to do. Any ideas ?
Tell her you need space and time to deal with the breakup. If she is really your friend, she will understand.
We dated just shy of three months. I soon realized that he is emotionally detached. He kind of hinted that on our first date when he said an ex said he acted like he really didn't care for her. I am not sure how this derived in his life. He would say all the right things, that I am an amazing woman and just six weeks dating wanted us to be exclusive, but his actions did not match. For example he would go three to four days without calling, rarely made dates (it was football season - ha!), and he made me feel as if I was a nuisance on those rare times I called or texted him (again--football, or work so he said). He also never wanted me to see his home, saying mine was so much better. I just stopped trusting and feeling comfortable with him. I ended it via text -- I know, shameful. He texted back, "OK" and said for me to have fun on my upcoming trip. I didn't respond and went into immediate NO CONTACT. I do miss him, and neither of us have contacted each other for three months. I feel like I should have shared how I feel more instead of breaking up, but I also feel there are some emotional elements he needs to work on -- that is if he ever does. Your thoughts, please?
Get back in touch with him. You really have nothing to lose at this point. Worst case scenario, you will realize he is not interested anymore. At least, you will get closure.
Get back in touch with him. You really have nothing to lose at this point. Worst case scenario, you will realize he is not interested anymore. At least, you will get closure.
Hello,
My nowadays story. My girlfriend says, that she doesn't feel same for me. After first "break up" by her before 2 weeks, I tried to change myself, show more feelings for her. She came back to my facebook friends by herself. (FB -important for her. Not me). We were on nice date on Friday, i saw her happy eyes. On Sunday I gave her some flowers from forest. Tried to give a break for 10 min. from her university works. But there I felt something strange. On Tuesday I proposed to talk about next Friday date at the castle with picnic. And...BAM. "We will never be together". Liked my photos and dropped me from facebook. Then tried to talk about her nails. Then I said: "know that there is man which love you and just do your works". And from April 8 there is no contact from both sides.
I know that it's hard time for her. Exams. Old disappointment on me. Everything came to one place. Maybe she thinks that I am pushing her. I just want to go together trough these hard times. I am 24. She is 21.
Hope, You will help me a little bit.
Hey Paul,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hey Paul,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it.
My girlfriend of eight months insisted on taking a "break" in January, then she broke up with me the end of February. We originally broke up due to my insecurity and jealousy. It was petty jealousies, but they added up over several months and made it so she didn't want to spend time with me. Basically, I pushed her away. I learned my insecurity is due to my divorce and my ex-wife's infidelity and losing my relationship with my children as I knew it. I was a very involved parent and very close to my children. Consequently, I have a subconscious fear of losing the person I'm in an intimate relationship with, which made me very insecure in this relationship. My ex is drop dead model gorgeous even at 50 years old. She's taken great care of herself. She's tall, beautiful, educated, smart and has a lot going for her.
I know my insecurity is irrational and I have learned to identify the triggers and let go of the jealous feelings, having put them into perspective. I believe I have come a long way in conquering this issue since January and that I would be very different in a relationship with my ex now.
The problem is, I have been texting my ex a lot and trying to convince her to try again basically since we first took a break. She began seeing another man sometime around our final break, but she insists it's not serious and that she won't get into anything serious "for a long time." I believe this person is a rebound. She also says she's not having sex until she gets married now, unless it's by chance with me. She has told me things like this has been very hard for her, she is thinking of me and she misses me and is sad. She also says she doesn't like the idea of me moving on, but knows it could happen. She doesn't know if I can be different and says "People don't typically change who they are. They may change some behaviors, but that takes effort and time." I think she still cares about me and wants to get back together, but she isn't sure I can be secure and confident enough to change my previous behavior.
Of course, I know I can and I've been trying to convince her I can. We still text and it's pleasant for the most part. She won't meet with me and she won't talk on the phone. I do text her a lot more than she texts me.
What can I do now that will increase my chances of getting her back? It's been nearly two and a half months and I finally feel she is slipping further away. Help!
Robert
Apply no contact. If she contacts you, tell her you need space and time. Then follow the 5 step plan. Stop trying to convince her you have changed or you can change. It's of no use. Instead, do no contact, and then get back in touch. Let her see for herself the changes you've made.
Apply no contact. If she contacts you, tell her you need space and time. Then follow the 5 step plan. Stop trying to convince her you have changed or you can change. It's of no use. Instead, do no contact, and then get back in touch. Let her see for herself the changes you've made.
Kevin,
I forgot to mention. Not only has she been downplaying dating the guy she's seeing casually, she has repeatedly ignored my questions about her dating, told me she wasn't, or that she wasn't with him when I found out she was. What does this mean?
Also, if we didn't leave our last text on a positive note, what can I say in a last text to her that would give me control and essentially make her fear losing me forever. Is there a good way to write a "last text before no contact?"
Thank you,
Robert
It just means she is still interested in you. Like I said, start no contact without telling her. If she contacts you, then tell her you need space and time right now to deal with the breakup.
It just means she is still interested in you. Like I said, start no contact without telling her. If she contacts you, then tell her you need space and time right now to deal with the breakup.
We met in September, started as professional colleagues, we then became personal friends and it developed into a love affair.
It was everything we didn’t get from our partners; exciting, loving, there was chemistry, attraction and it was compassionate. We grew close as a result and started to lust for one another, it became rather intense and when we started to develop feelings of love for one another we began to realise that we had to leave our partners. Id like to emphasise that there was no physical affair, only an emotional one, we simply couldn't do that to them. It was a massive step and during this period things got quite serious between us, this in turn camouflaged the realities of what we were doing and we pushed forward blinded by love, lust and passion.
I called off the engagement and sent my girlfriend home breaking her heart, and my lover moved out of their shared home and called off their engagement also, he too was distraught. Over the next few months we grew very close as a couple, really close, the relationship developed and we saw each other as much as possible and got on so well, but this too continued to bury the natural grieving process that would normally occur after a breakup of this scale.
Then, due to the way in which we started our relationship, cracks began to occur. She started feeling increasingly guilty over what she had done to her ex boyfriend and was starting to admit that she wasn't over the break up, and I developed trust issues toward her because of the lies which facilitated the affair and seeing she wasn’t over her ex boyfriend.
Time after time we spoke about taking a break to get to grips with our feelings and create some space to grieve over the people we had hurt, but time after time we failed, we simply couldn't bear to be apart from each other for periods longer than three days. But as time went on, her guilt developed into something she could no longer ignore and this coincided with my trust issues, where on a few occasions I had openly not trusted her and questioned what she was saying. Both characteristics we were displaying were perfectly natural given our journey but one day it came to a head and I pushed the decision to give each other space.
It has been three weeks now, we have spoken occasionally, sometimes I have been needy and other times it has been like before, free and loving, we even spent the night together a week ago and it was amazing for both of us, she called and text me saying she is still in love with me and then it went back to the space, by now she had chosen her route of action and wasn't deviating. But, today we met accidentally at work and we went for dinner, whilst dinner i was asking her to let me in and be there for her to help her. This is 80% true, I do want to be there for her through this, but the other 20% was trying to get back what we had. We kissed and held hands but she wasnt wholly there, she was visibly holding back.
I made this break to give her the space and time we thought we needed to deal with the guilt and grief over our ex's and sell the houses and obvious fallout, now i am scared that i may lose her forever. The love we have shared has been amazing, we were best friends and care deeply for each other and we sacrificed everything to be together.
Please help me, what should I do?
I think you are doing the right thing. The fear of losing her forever seems rational, but it's not. You can lose her forever if you stay with her 24/7. Continue doing what you've been doing. Don't try to convince her to get back together for at least another two months.
I think you are doing the right thing. The fear of losing her forever seems rational, but it's not. You can lose her forever if you stay with her 24/7. Continue doing what you've been doing. Don't try to convince her to get back together for at least another two months.
hey kevin
I have subscribed but have had nothing about what to write in this letter i am confused should i right how i feel about her with the apology and do i list the things i am sorry for and just say sorry.
You get the sample letter in the 10th email. You should keep the apology as short as possible. Apologizing too much makes you look needy.
You get the sample letter in the 10th email. You should keep the apology as short as possible. Apologizing too much makes you look needy.
Hi! Ok, so this is complicated. I don't think my ex and I are very typical. Basically we moved in together right from the beginning and were a couple for 1 year and 3 months. A couple months before she ended it, things were getting a little rocky, but we seriously never would argue or fight before that. We had complete lack of space during our whole relationship, but didn't realize it until it caught up with us. We were insanely crazy about each other for at least 12 months, but later we got too comfortable and stopped taking care of our relationship. I know now that’s what I did anyways, but never stopped loving her. We just started drifting through it. So a couple months ago, she said she needed a break for space and thought she should move out. I freaked, of course, but eventually told her I supported her, especially when she said break not break up. Then we'd argue and I couldn't understand why she didn't want to work on our relationship. She just wanted space. We would go back and forth, letting our emotions get the best of us. So she moved in with a friend and twice we had two bad text arguments, no holds barred. It wasn't until that last one that it hit me between the eyes. She didn't just give up; I screwed up big time towards the end of our relationship and reacted out of fear. She had to stop by yesterday to give me something after not seeing each other for 6 weeks and I sat her down and told her what I realized and accepted and genuinely apologized for what I did wrong. I explained that anything mean I said over texts was completely fueled by emotion and she agreed. I told her how I've learned from my mistakes and hope one day maybe she'll be ready to try again. The thing is, she told me she really didn't want to come see me that night (anxiety), and she wouldn't even give me a hug after my apology. I would send her a text picture every now and then and tell her it reminded me of her, but it would just get ignored. I just wanted her to know I was thinking of her. She told me when I did those little things; it would just stab her heart. I know for her and I this will be a slow process. She is currently experiencing a low in life and feels SOOO unstable. She says she’s tired of always getting shit on and is still trying to get over other hurts in her past. I guess what I’m afraid of is that she said she forgives me for what I did, but she’s just covering and will hold on to my mistakes forever. Not that I was the only problem in our relationship.. She said she can’t be around me, can’t talk to me, basically wants complete isolation, and says it’s going to take her a long time. Basically, I have no choice but to start your no contact plan and now I see how that’s the best thing to do, but after a couple months of intense emotional exhaustion between us, do you think time could still pull her back? It seems right now; she can only remember the last 3 months of knowing me and can’t connect with the first wonderful 14 months of knowing each other. Time? Another thing to add is she is moving an hour away for college in 4 months, but we have experience long distance together before. Distance makes the heart grow fonder? I hope this all made sense! haha
Hey,
I do think no contact will benefit you, even after 3 months of emotional exhaustion. In fact, I think no contact is the only thing that can increase your chances of getting back together at this point.
Hey,
I do think no contact will benefit you, even after 3 months of emotional exhaustion. In fact, I think no contact is the only thing that can increase your chances of getting back together at this point.
Was in a "pseudo-relationship" for 6 years. He always said he did not want a commitment. I thought I could deal with that, but I fell for him anyway and stuck around waiting for the day he'd change his mind. He finally did after some very rough transitional months; but he chose his other "pseudo-girlfriend" who's been waiting for him twice as long. It's been a month since he told me; and I still love him. I've made my "mistakes" and am now working on the 'no contact' rule. We don't text much, but we have our moments when we will chat via text for hours, then one of us just disappears. (Usually him.) I know I need the time, I'm wondering, given the circumstances of our relationship ~ never really all that it could have been ~ should I even look to reconnect after a couple of months of silence? He's told me he felt she was a better match for him because she was settled and more financially stable than me. He believes she will push him and help him become successful; but when I ask him if he's sure, he doesn't respond. One of my mistakes was to invite him on a 'final-let's-end-on-a-cool-note' trip; he said if it had have been anyone else, he would decline, but because it was me, he would love to go. I asked several time if he was sure; every time he said absolutely. He's not sure about his choice, but he feels he has to stick with his decision since it's been made. Other than going silent, I am not sure what to do to reframe this situation. I love him, and I am trying not to be too prideful, but, other than wondering how to get him to change his mind, a part of me is wondering is it even worth it for someone who doesn't seem to believe your good enough? What do you think?
It's only for you to decide. That's what the no contact period is for. You have to answer that question yourself. If you want to know what I think, my answer is "absolutely not".
It's only for you to decide. That's what the no contact period is for. You have to answer that question yourself. If you want to know what I think, my answer is "absolutely not".
I’ve been reading your articles as they are helping to know other people are going through similar situations. I would really like and value your take please – I dated my now ex for a year and four months. He was my best friend – we were going to move in together and talked of marriage and children (I am 41 and he is 38). We had some problems in December – he told me he had a “wall” up and wasn’t able to feel or express himself as he should be by now ie. saying he loves me (although he said he loved me – I get the feeling he meant in love)and so we took a short break so he could figure things out. That didn’t last long and within a week we were back together, he said he was going to go to a therapist and sort himself out to make us better.
Mid February I just was feeling like we were at a plateau – no more talks really about moving in together and frankly we weren’t really doing anything that fun together – it was kind of boring. He was never the most affectionate guy and that always bothered me – like snuggling and holding hands – so I eventually just got frustrated. We had a talk about it that I initiated and it came out that he still had unresolved “wall” issues. So we took another break.
About a little over a week later he asked me to dinner on a saturday night – just to tell me again that he still had this wall feeling and loved me and did ask if i would wait for him to resolve it. But I instantly just felt so awful that I said I couldn’t wait and that if he wanted to break up with me he should just say it himself. So he did.
I was devastated – crying hysterical – and did contact him after because I felt like I was hit by a truck. I never imagined we would break up as that time apart he sent me roses for valentines saying I meant the world to him and was texting how much he missed me. In the post breakup texts that I initiated he told me he missed me more than words could say and as time went on he was feeling things he didnt know he could feel for me.
Bottom line – I never let him go for a month – I always pushed for answers and was hoping for a reconciliation and all the while he was leading me to believe he missed me too and gave me hope. He finally asked to get together – so we did twice – a Sunday night (nothing substantive was said) and then he asked for the next weekend – so we got together last Sat night for dinner – we had a lot of fun – and after I initiated a discussion and basically he said he was in the same place. (I asked him if he was dating anyone before we went to dinner and he said no.) But I had an opportunity to snoop his phone (which is very immature I know) and saw that even while at dinner with me he was texting another woman. He was with her the night before (and that morning in his bed) and was seeing her on Sunday. PS – I have come to find out she is 28, works with him and from her background I can tell that it wouldn’t go anywhere serious without strong issues from his family. I confronted him – we had a big argument and he said he just started seeing her and that I too had told him I had been on dates. Bottom line – I told him I loved him and he was leading me on with all this I miss you stuff and think of you all the time stuff – yet he apparently had no intention of getting back together now and also denied he was leading me on by saying those things.
End of a long story – night ended with me crying and him telling me I was his best friend but he was having a hard time feeling more and that he was so conflicted about us. I finally told him to please not
contact me unless he had something substantive to say and that I wouldn’t contact him either.
It’s been 11 days – this is the longest we have ever gone. I have heard nothing – I can’t stop thinking about him and have no idea how I will replace him. Am I completely wasting my time by thinking not contacting him will make him realize what he has lost or is this a waste of time?
Thank you so much for your time
Even if it does make him realize what he has lost, it will not necessarily fix his issues. He will still have them even if he gets back together with you and you will eventually break up again.
Thanks for your reply Kevin - I know his issues will still exist as they were the crux of our demise. I can't help but take it personally - even though he says how i'm "everything" - and frankly, i am a good catch - dr, own practice, thin, in shape, fun and outgoing... I miss him so much and just wonder if you know of similar situations where it has turned and worked out? Thank you
Well, every situation is different in it's own way. And I have seen a lot of guys with commitment issues getting back together after a while. But your case is different with the "emotional wall". I have had a couple of people with similar issues but they never followed up with me so I have no way of knowing if it did work out for them. I also have a testimonials page here if you are interested.
Well, every situation is different in it's own way. And I have seen a lot of guys with commitment issues getting back together after a while. But your case is different with the "emotional wall". I have had a couple of people with similar issues but they never followed up with me so I have no way of knowing if it did work out for them. I also have a testimonials page here if you are interested.
Well, every situation is different in it's own way. And I have seen a lot of guys with commitment issues getting back together after a while. But your case is different with the "emotional wall". I have had a couple of people with similar issues but they never followed up with me so I have no way of knowing if it did work out for them. I also have a testimonials page here if you are interested.
Well, every situation is different in it's own way. And I have seen a lot of guys with commitment issues getting back together after a while. But your case is different with the "emotional wall". I have had a couple of people with similar issues but they never followed up with me so I have no way of knowing if it did work out for them. I also have a testimonials page here if you are interested.
Thanks for your reply Kevin - I know his issues will still exist as they were the crux of our demise. I can't help but take it personally - even though he says how i'm "everything" - and frankly, i am a good catch - dr, own practice, thin, in shape, fun and outgoing... I miss him so much and just wonder if you know of similar situations where it has turned and worked out? Thank you
Thanks for your reply Kevin - I know his issues will still exist as they were the crux of our demise. I can't help but take it personally - even though he says how i'm "everything" - and frankly, i am a good catch - dr, own practice, thin, in shape, fun and outgoing... I miss him so much and just wonder if you know of similar situations where it has turned and worked out? Thank you
Even if it does make him realize what he has lost, it will not necessarily fix his issues. He will still have them even if he gets back together with you and you will eventually break up again.
My ex broke up with me last month after a year and 8 months. She had a rebound relationship but came back to me. Then after about a week she left me again. After a couple days she came back again, then left again. We hangout sometimes and it's like we're the perfect couple and it's like an intense magical feeling. But then after a couple days she leaves and leaves me wondering why. She tells me she loves me but then asks for space. I don't know what to do. Can you give me some advice? Thanks.
Next time she comes back, play it cool and don't get back with her immediately. Tell her you need some time and space. Apply no contact immediately.
Next time she comes back, play it cool and don't get back with her immediately. Tell her you need some time and space. Apply no contact immediately.
Hi Kevin,
I liked your article and wanted to see if it fit my situation. I broke up with my ex because he is not in the same place as I am with career, marriage and kids so I broke up as we just can't ever get on the same page. We have so much in common and have fun together, but I'm just in a different place in my life as he. He's not ready to commit to all the things that I want and doesn't make much effort. He'd like for us to stay together, but I don't want to wait around for him for these things. Who knows when he'll start thinking about these things. Not sure if not talking to him 30+days will bring him back and want the same things I do.
No contact will not necessarily change where he is at in his life. There is a slight chance that it might give him the push he needs if he is already on the fence about these things. But don't keep your hopes up.
No contact will not necessarily change where he is at in his life. There is a slight chance that it might give him the push he needs if he is already on the fence about these things. But don't keep your hopes up.
Hello again
So my brother called my ex gfriend, and she answered. She was telling him bad things about me and how she doesn't think she can ever be with me again... But he also told her we should all go bowling and didn't say no but she didn't say yes. Do you think I have a chance? If so, what should I do next? I don't think she would talk to me, but she did sound miserable.
Hi Kevin :) My situation is very confusing. My ex broke up with me in a rage 5 days ago. I was living at his house (only dated 2 months) and he had called and seemed upset about something. I ended up calling back 5 minutes later saying honey is something wrong you sound upset? and he responded in swearing and saying its over that I can’t allow him to have mood swings and I don’t “get” his personality. He then texted me leave his house, and leave him alone. I was in shock. I went back that night and we ended up sleeping together and him saying sorry and that he wanted to work things out, and asked if I did too. I said yes. The next day he called at noon, I asked if he still wanted to work things out and if we were seeing each other later and he responded yes and yes that he meant it. A couple hours later I got a text saying he needed to be alone and doesn’t want to get back together. He came over that night just outside my house to give me closure saying he loves me as a person, that in his mind I am perfect but he needs to find himself and he feels he isn’t in love with me anymore. It has been hard for me to stop contact and I didn’t for the first 5 days- I did not text him or call him often but I would at least once per day. I went over the other night he welcomed me in with open arms- asked why I was there. I said I don’t know I just felt like coming, and he hugged me kissed my forehead said he loved me as a person and that he cares for me so much and how pretty I looked. I told him I was glad we broke up. Then he asked me to sleep over which I was reluctant but ended up doing because I really do love him and I hadn’t been sleeping without him. We made love and he kept saying how much he loves how I smell and how beautiful I am and was a little jealous kept asking if I had gone on dates with other men. He couldn’t keep his hands off me or stop kissing or cuddling me after. Then the next morning we joked around a bit and he said it was so confusing and I was messing with his mind however that night I never said I loved him or wanted him in any way. I texted him that morning saying I was sorry for messing with his mind I didn’t mean to hurt him and that he was different than I thought and I was happy for the break up he responded “Whatever”. I ended up going crazy later that day because I have never slept with an ex before- its confusing and devastating- I thought we’d get back together, so I kept calling and he told me to leave him alone and eff off he needed to think and be alone. As of now I have told him again that I am glad we broke up and that it is good we have broken up. I wished him well and he wished me well back. Now I am completely ignoring him and I will just wait until he messages me . Do you think he will? I don’t understand his actions, to my face he is so loving but then texts me to eff off and cuts our phone conversations after a few minutes. He still answers everything though. I will not contact him again but I am struggling. Please respond I am worried the no contact will not work and that he really is done forever.
I forgot to explain our relationship before the day we broke up. He called me at least 5x a day to talk when he was working. He would text first almost always and I’d mostly let him call first. He did all the chasing. He wanted babies and a house together and kept telling me I was the one- but I never brought those things up. He had chased me for so long before we dated – I had turned him down 10 x!! Finally I gave in and he began telling me he loved me . I took my time with that as well. He was so eager to meet my whole family and for me to meet his. We were inseparable. A few days before the breakup things felt different- still loving but not as crazy in love as usual. Very strange but I thought it was just because he was away on work and tired. We never fought and from what I could see our relationship was what dreams are made of. I have never been so cared for by a man and never felt so loved for everything that I am. And I loved him with everything I had he was my honey and it doesn’t seem like we were together long but constant contact and talking (sometimes 10 hours on the phone a day!!) plus seeing each other at night and knowing each other for a while before that seemed like the pace we were moving was right.
There is a good chance he will contact you after a while. Even if he does contact you, tell him you need time and space. Continue no contact for another 30 days, and if you want him back still, get back in touch.
There is a good chance he will contact you after a while. Even if he does contact you, tell him you need time and space. Continue no contact for another 30 days, and if you want him back still, get back in touch.
My ex dumped me last week because she said "I love you but im not inlove with you anymore." We've been together for 16 months. She is from another country and im from America. she comes to visit here for 3 months then goes back to her country. She is still in America now but has been living with her friend til she gets back to uk on may. 4. last time she was here was JUNE TO SEPTEMBER 2013. she caught me texting another girl few days before she left. she almost broke up with me but ended up taking me back. she then went back to uk and stayed there for 5months and went back here to America last Feb.2014. during that separation period she told me her love for me has faded cause of the cheating, lack of effort on communicating with her, lack of initiative, basically I was a lousy bf. but still she decided to come back here and see if things can be fixed. so she got back February and stayed with me for a month. everything seemed ok, then she finally showed signs of being aloof. and that's when I asked is there something wrong. that's when she said she needed space and wanted to think about if she still wants to be with me. so she left the apartment and spend her time alone. she came back after a week and tells me that its over. she said that theres no way that she can love me the way that she has loved me before. and there is no absolute possibility of getting back together. she was very firm and decided. of course I did the classic mistakes you mentioned on here and I made myself look desperate and needy. obviously it didn't work to text and beg and surprise her with flowers. so now im gonna try the no contact rule for 30 days. but then If do the 30days no contact, by that time shes gonna be in uk already. do you think I should still do 30 day no contact and is there still hope to save this? thanks.
Yes, you should. Trying to get her back before she leaves for UK is again going to make you look needy.
Yes, you should. Trying to get her back before she leaves for UK is again going to make you look needy.
Hi Kevin,
I am on the NC right now after I broke up with my girlfriend, but her birthday is coming up, should I send her a birthday wish text message or not at all? What should I say in the text if so?
Thanks
Send her a short text.
Send her a short text.
Hey. so my "ex" are I have been dating for 9 months, but were close friends for about half a year before that. We live on other sides of the world and met in mine as friends and stayed after going into a relationship. Half way through I moved to his country. We got in a huge fight and I ended up booking a ticket home.. so now I'm home. but before I left we said we would take it day by day in 6 months we would see each other again while travelling. Before I left, and a week after I got back he was so sweet to me telling me he was in love with me and always would be... but now he is acting all shady, he is telling me doesnt really know whats going to happen, and when we will meet up etc... i dont know what to do!! we are so close, best friends. just so out of character. i have only been back a couple of weeks!
Apply no contact. And follow the 5 step plan.
Apply no contact. And follow the 5 step plan.
My girlfriend and I dated for 3 years. I am 28, she is 24 and we broke up 1 month ago. She told me her feelings have changed and she feels she can no longer sustain a relationship with me. After the initial break up I had done all the needy and desperate things and talked to her a couple days after. She was not angry but would cry and just say its how she feels she cant help it but she loves me and she just cant change how she feels inside. We didnt talk for about week after that then I contacted her again to try "convince her" things would change. She still said she doesnt want to try anymore and shes just not as attracted to me as she used to be. We didnt talk for another week and we ran into eachother didnt talk just said hi but the next day I contacted her again and tried to convince her again, again she said the same thing and I can feel her getting annoyed with me. Another week went buy and I contacted her again. This time tried to be even more convincing and telling her how I loved her and explaining the dynamics of long term relationship. It got to the point where she said please stop, I care about you I dont want this to get to place where I am annoyed that your contacting me. She was never rude or ever cursed at me or was nasty in way. She just kept saying how much she cares for me but for her the relationship is done because things for her are different and feel different and shes focusing on her happines as should I. I am an attractive guy, I have never had any problems getting woman. I have great confidence and believe in my abilities to move on, but I don't want to. The only reason I was desperate and needy is because the two of us always communicated and were very sensitive to each others emotions until she seemingly just went cold on me and I bugged out. I kept telling her how much I loved her and wanted to be with her I even mentioned I thought of taking the next step with her. She was very emotional thruogh out everything I said to her. I kept trying to convince her and she began to pick and choose what she wanted to respond to. Until eventually I said, if not being with me is what will make you happy then Ill give you your space because I respect you and your feelings. She responded telling me she appreciated that I can say that and respects me and my feelings as well but space is what she needs right now...now we are in no contact as of today. Because I was needy and clingy and desperate for almost a month on and off I feel I have pushed her away too far. She seems exhausted with it all but doesnt want to just ignore me. I feel since ive contacted her so many times trying to speak to her logically instead of her emotional sense its made it even easier for her transition away from me. I usually have a beat on how she is feeling and if she is thinking about me. After contacting her so many times and asking for another chance I really don't think she is feeling that sad about the break up anymore and she. I dont get that sense that shes thinking about me, and if she is its not that missing feeling of wanting to be around someone. Do you think there's a chance she will still miss me after 28 days of on and off "talks"? And if there is chance of getting her to be attracted to me again after no contact?
Hi Kevin,
I wish I could had found your website earlier because i really think things would had been different by now. We were seeing each other for about 1 year and I was her first boyfriend.
1. We broke up about 5 months ago and we were still in contact for about a month by texts, she texted me everyday something like "how are you?" or"what are you doing now?" Nothing special, lasted about a month and things started to go real bad.
2. There was this one day I got drunk and I texted her the things I wasn't suppose to say. Something like I was nice to you, and I felt like I was being used blah blah blah. And she was like I believed you and now I totally look down on you. I can tell she was mad and totally felt disappointed in me or what we had.
3. We didnt contact until 2 months ago valentine's day. I texted her my greetings and she wished me well. Then I asked if i can get my house keys back without meeting her and deliver by the doorman. (I was going away for business trip). She started to make all kinds of excuses like she's busy or something, but from what I know she's mostly home studying, doesn't go out and she doesnt have friends to hang out with only chats on internet. I couldn't think of a reason why she refuses to return my key especially I made it easy without meeting each other.
4. Then she became so hostile and asked me to stop texting her, but I only texted her one time to ask my keys back politely. We ended up arguing and yeah I said some nasty things. And I told her that i want a closure, which is returning my keys and she shall never hear from my again. I asked her why dont you just block me from your whatsapp so you will never have to hear from me anymore. She never made any comments on that part but stood silence. And yeah that was the last time we contacted.
5. I screwed up I understand and yes I still have feelings towards her and hoping one day I will get her back if things can be changed.
My question is after hearing my situation. Do you still think its possible to get her back? If so..are there any ways to proceed with my situation?
p.s. because as far as I know..the last couple times we contacted went pretty bad.
Yes, you do have a chance. Just follow the plan. Apply no contact and get back in touch with her. What happened last time you contacted isn't as bad as you think it is.
Yes, you do have a chance. Just follow the plan. Apply no contact and get back in touch with her. What happened last time you contacted isn't as bad as you think it is.
Before ever reading this I had initiated a form of no contact.
I'm 25 and so is my ex. We've known each other for 5 years from college. Lost touch about 2 1/2 years ago and began talking again about 8 months ago. He initiated contact and told me he had always been interested when we knew each other before. I also had been interested even before he was, but never said anything, so I was THRILLED. So we were pretty much immediately viewing each other romantically. Sadly it is long distance. Like 1500mile, Texas to Ohio, long distance. Plus, we are both deeply connected to our communities. I'm willing to move, but implied I didn't want to for a year or two so I would be in a good position to sell my growing business. It would be a big financial sacrifice to move sooner than that. I had a plan on how to work all that out, but never shared that either, I tend to give more in relationships than the people I had dated, and wanted to see what he was willing to do to be with me.
Anyways, one day, out of the blue, he told me he met a local girl last week who he wanted to get to know. HUGE Shock. He had mentioned briefly a few times how he was wrestling with the distance. Anyways... I exploded inside, but fought instinct. I told him simply, "Thank you for telling me, even though it hurt, and that I wanted the best for him and if the best was at his fingertips than go for it. "
I followed up about 4 hrs later with a message expressing how much respect I have for him as an individual and how I cared for him and had hoped we would have more of a future, but that I will put those feelings to rest. I gave him well wishes on the dreams he shared with me, a few tender thoughts and then told him simply goodbye. [no reply]
I grieved and cried a few days and had no contact with him, and went on a date with another nice guy (no fireworks, but pleasant). But I remained facebook friends with my ex. 3 weeks later, he sends me a message concerning my latest post about my business growth, and that he was happy for me and wanted to learn more.
I replied thanks, that I didn't have time to talk (which was true) and kept it very brief.
So I totally want to get back with him, and he is truly an amazing guy and that is saying something for the high standards I have. But have no idea where to go from here. I want him to prove to me he's not going to bail when the distance is getting to him, or when a cute girl flirts with him (he is attractive). How does that happen?
I don't think I can be "just friends" emotionally. And don't even want to try... I want to tell him that, but I'm guessing that's risky. Cause I pretty much want all or nothing... I don't want to be toyed with and left hanging as his back-up plan (as I have been in the past because I didn't know any better)
Any Advice???
Becka, if you do end up getting back together, how long is the long distance going to last? Do you see each other living in the same town anytime in the future? Long distance relationships are hard but the only ones that survive are the ones where you know when the distance is going to end.
As for him, I guess what you are doing right now is the best thing you can do. Kudos to you for handling the breakup so gracefully. I think you should let him contact you and let him realize on his own what he is missing.
Becka, if you do end up getting back together, how long is the long distance going to last? Do you see each other living in the same town anytime in the future? Long distance relationships are hard but the only ones that survive are the ones where you know when the distance is going to end.
As for him, I guess what you are doing right now is the best thing you can do. Kudos to you for handling the breakup so gracefully. I think you should let him contact you and let him realize on his own what he is missing.
I push him to sombdy else arms because i was mean to him and not being a lady now he wants me to b the other women whats up with that is that ok?
No, It's not OK. Don't do it. Apply no contact. Tell him you need space and time. He will eventually break up with that other girl.
No, It's not OK. Don't do it. Apply no contact. Tell him you need space and time. He will eventually break up with that other girl.
Hi again Kevin,
I messaged here 2 days ago.I mentioned lady I dated for 7 weeks whom I really felt I liked.I mentioned how after 4eeks she mentioned wanting her space.Then how many Friday nights & Saturdays weren't available to see me.She claimed 3 Friday nights after work she was with sister.I felt its was another guy and/or she was at bars all night drinking it up until drunk,then drive home at 2am when they all clI don't drink period or smoke cigarettes.Then after 7 weeks back 20 days ago.She ignores my attempts to contact her via text & phone.That Friday night at 5pm before leaving work she told me shwas having dinner at 7pm with sister which made 3 fridays that said was with sister on those Friday nights in a row.Then how she had plans also that next day Saturday also at girlfriends laying in the sun.Then she ignored me that Friday when I tryed to contact her all night,then most of the following day Saturday also.Then at 4pm that Saturday I texted her & said I'm moving on & goodbye.Then 2 hours later she text mow she had run into a guy that she use to see last year.How he realized he had feeling for her,how she also realized she had feeling for him,then said I'm so sorry.I have never contacted her period since in the past 20 days.Well,after 11 days no contact she texted me how she hated herself for being cold & cruel to me.How I was wonderful man & how she would likely never be with a man as great as me again.
You said unless she is willing to commint to me.To just go 30 more days more no contact.It's been 20 days now and I've not contacted her period.
Then last night after 19 days she started texting me like cy saying she wants me back,she made mistakes but wants me for sure..
Then she text & phone calls me all day today & tonight.She says at one point she took today off of work to get drunk to try & forget.She says at onemore via text.Then an hour later starts again texting & calling me likely drun
Then I went out by myself to eat tonight.I'm coming back to my apt.She then text me that she's at my place and wondering where I'm at.I still ignored all of her text & calls.
Then I go to Walmart hoping she drives the 50 minutes back to her place and leaves my place.Well,I go homen just as I pull into my apt complex she drives in behind me.I drive to the back & then she sees me.I drive back out onto the main hwy and take off into another neighborhood and lose her.She then text that since we have feelings I should come back and confront her.She insures me she will be civil.I don't answer still thinkig I'm on the no contact program.But,I'm concerned she's about to get a DUI,she had one 6 years ago I saw online,she don'tesn't know I know this.I'm really feeling bad inside hoping she doesn't drive & get hurt,she doesn't get someone else hurt,she doesn't get a DUI either.I'm then thinking if I see a cop pull her over how I'll stop & try to talk him out of giving her a DUI.Then I get 3 calls from her in a row.Then 5 more text.She says she drove all that way to see if I was OK and to talk to me & make things right.Then she says I'm being childish and to come see her I guess she meant she's still at my place.Then she calls me a coward.Then she says I must have nevr er cared because I won't confront her.I never did anything wrong.I'm thinking to myself why doesn't she call that guy she spend March 21st weekend with that they suddenly realized they had feeling for each other and she told me she was so sorry,like as in I'm with him now 20 days ago??
Then I go home an hour later & she's parked in my parking space,so I leave my apt complex again.The whole time I'm thinking how I don't recall the "no contact" rule covering what in this case I'm suppose to do in this situation.I'm still not contacting her.I didn't to tell her want sayto go home and then she gets in a crash from drinking all day.I didn't want confront her either because I knew she would be all over me wanting to be at my place to have sex.All this forcing herself on me was upsetting me.It isn't attractive at all to me,its a big turn off.Then I come back about an hour ago at 11pm and she's gone and so far she has stopped texting & calling.She had an hour to go home unless she's closing a bar down in my town?So,now I drove thru town out the same route she would take n worried i'd see her crashed or pulled over somewhere.I'm at Walmart now and no sign of her.Maybe she's half way home to her place?Now I feel if she gets a DUI or crashes maybe I should have secured her person at my place to sleep it off.I wish she'd fell a sleep in parking lot of my place.But,now she's disppeared into the night.I feel sick literally.I'm concerned about her now where she went,she stopped texting-calling a while ago.I tryed to contacted her daughter & sister,neither of them returned my calls or voicemails asking then to contact me.I thought one of them could talk some sense into her.I'm on long term disability.I found out I might have cancer in my arm.I have neck back issues,sleep apnea,headaches,inflammed prostate.She is really stressing me out big time.I almost feel like going to the hospital before something happens to me.I cry at times & I'm about to now.I feel so helpless Kevin.Please I didn't know what to do that was right tonight.I didn't read anything in no contact anywhere about if I should break no contact even with all this.I'd thought i'd finally tonight text her how I needed my space & time & tell her to go home.But,I never did that because I didn't want to promote her driving drunk either.I didn't want argue with her at my place and have her force or desire sex when all this makes me not want sex from her her being drunk and acting way she has been.So,I'm parked at Walmart feeling helpless & hopeless at this point.Maybe she went to a store and is back at my place.Or she headed to her place,maybe she's suppose to work in the morning.I just don't know Kevin.My sisters tellings me earlier it was my place to go confront her and if so drive her home.I doubt she would have went for that.She would have been hanging all over me.If she gets a DUI now or crashes I will feel much worse then I already do.Help me here with some suggestions.Thanks so much
Well, in that much extreme cases, you should've just confronted her and told her to leave. But like you said, she would've forced herself upon you, which would've been a turn off. I guess what you did was sensible. And maybe if I was in your situation, I would've done the same. Hopefully, she is safe.
I don't think she will do something like this again. If she does, you should confront her at the place. Be firm and if it doesn't work, you should leave the house or in worst case scenario, call the cops.
Well, in that much extreme cases, you should've just confronted her and told her to leave. But like you said, she would've forced herself upon you, which would've been a turn off. I guess what you did was sensible. And maybe if I was in your situation, I would've done the same. Hopefully, she is safe.
I don't think she will do something like this again. If she does, you should confront her at the place. Be firm and if it doesn't work, you should leave the house or in worst case scenario, call the cops.
Hi Kevin, I have been with my partner for 10 years and moved in with him for 4 years. We had many arguments due to the fact that I wanted us to move to be closer to my family and friends. At the end of January he told me that he needed space and that we should take a break, that he was feeling very low and probably going through a mid-life crisis. I respected that and went away on holiday/to friends/etc. I then had to return to the house in March to collect some things. There I found an email to another woman from his workplace dated the day I left in January. In it he stated that he was desperate to see her and loved her etc. I confronted him and a massive row ensued. I said that I was leaving and he begged me to stay, that nothing ever happened with that woman (Yeah right!); that he would not contact her again, he would make more of an effort, that he looked forward to us spending the next 10 years together, etc. I finally accepted, but based on my terms to which he agreed. I then found out that he has not stopped contact with her at all so I sent him a "Dear John" email informing him that I would be picking up my stuff next week. I fully intend to go through with the move + the NC rule. Do you think there is a chance he will see sense and come back to me? Thanks!
He will most probably try to convince you again and beg for your forgiveness. But you should decide if you can trust him again and is it worth wasting more time on him? That's why Nc is important for you. You will have to weigh the pros and cons of trying to make this relationship work vs moving on.
Thanks Kevin, I am definitely going to see NC through and figure out how I feel at the end of it. :o)
Hi Kevin, I am on day 6 of NC. I moved all of my stuff out of the house on Friday and sent an admin email to him this morning saying I had cancelled his card on my account, closed the joint account etc. I then saw the email he had sent me 30mns beforehand: "where are you? Who helped move your stuff? When will you get the rest (I forgot a few things)? Why have you deleted me on Skype?" He also sent me his work schedule for next month... Do you think he is cracking? Thanks!
Perhaps he is cracking. But you shouldn't be concentrating on that right now.
Perhaps he is cracking. But you shouldn't be concentrating on that right now.
Perhaps he is cracking. But you shouldn't be concentrating on that right now.
Perhaps he is cracking. But you shouldn't be concentrating on that right now.
Perhaps he is cracking. But you shouldn't be concentrating on that right now.
Hi Kevin, I am on day 6 of NC. I moved all of my stuff out of the house on Friday and sent an admin email to him this morning saying I had cancelled his card on my account, closed the joint account etc. I then saw the email he had sent me 30mns beforehand: "where are you? Who helped move your stuff? When will you get the rest (I forgot a few things)? Why have you deleted me on Skype?" He also sent me his work schedule for next month... Do you think he is cracking? Thanks!
Hi Kevin, I am on day 6 of NC. I moved all of my stuff out of the house on Friday and sent an admin email to him this morning saying I had cancelled his card on my account, closed the joint account etc. I then saw the email he had sent me 30mns beforehand: "where are you? Who helped move your stuff? When will you get the rest (I forgot a few things)? Why have you deleted me on Skype?" He also sent me his work schedule for next month... Do you think he is cracking? Thanks!
Hi Kevin, I am on day 6 of NC. I moved all of my stuff out of the house on Friday and sent an admin email to him this morning saying I had cancelled his card on my account, closed the joint account etc. I then saw the email he had sent me 30mns beforehand: "where are you? Who helped move your stuff? When will you get the rest (I forgot a few things)? Why have you deleted me on Skype?" He also sent me his work schedule for next month... Do you think he is cracking? Thanks!
Thanks Kevin, I am definitely going to see NC through and figure out how I feel at the end of it. :o)
Thanks Kevin, I am definitely going to see NC through and figure out how I feel at the end of it. :o)
He will most probably try to convince you again and beg for your forgiveness. But you should decide if you can trust him again and is it worth wasting more time on him? That's why Nc is important for you. You will have to weigh the pros and cons of trying to make this relationship work vs moving on.
Hello, I am 24, he is 23. We have been with each other for 7 years since high school. My boy friend broke up with me three weeks ago. Things between us getting very well before the end of the new year of 2014. I have been working for 1 year and he would be graduate from college this year. One month ago, he went on some job interviews but all failed. He faced with the job, final thesis pressure. And I popped up the marriage issue, he said he was not ready for marriage and asked me to wait for him for another 5 years but I gave him 3 years top. He seriously asked me to find someone better and did not want to waste my youth. We had fight but settle later because I love him and I was willing to wait for him. His cellphone was broken and he said he would call me after his cellphone is repaired. Three weeks later, he suddenly broke up with me over message. He said he got no feelings for me and already fell in love with another women half year ago. He cancel all my sns, I text him and called him crazily ( which now I realized I was doing them all wrong), I finally asked him out, but all he said was he got no feelings for me, we are never getting back. And I was all tears. After all my begging, he said we could still be friends and he add me again on sns. When we left, I beg him for one last kiss, he kissed me and I was all tears. The first few days after we broke up, I still text him and he would reply. He said he was in low emotion. I felt him still care about me then I started telling him how much I love him and I can not live without him ( which now I also realize I was terribly doing wrong). He said thank you for my love but he has another girl friend now, we can not keep doing this. Then he started to ignore my message or rely me just sometimes. I have tried to contact him every two or three days. We both want to buy the XiaoMi smartphone that we had conversation again. But he still ignore me when I talked something caring about him. He got a job this week, but he had to work day and night and would be very business. I text him about the xiaomi smartphone, then he told me he went on another interview but failed, that he felt frustrated, tired and he lost his confidence. I encouraged him and reminded him how great he was he thank me. I text him again caring about his career he said he was very busy yesterday. And I told him to work hard and sent him no more message.
Please give me some advice now, I felt so happy that he actually told me his feeling on his job. But it seems that he started to ignore me again. Not sure whether it is because he is too busy. What should I do now? Should I still apply the no contact rule? Or just text him and give him some encouragement every several days?
Hey Kevin
Ive been dating this girl for 5 months and we have recently broken up cause I sent a mean message to her saying "Talk to me now or never again"! Let me explain on why I sent that message. It was on a Monday night, I was visiting with her and she gets invited out to dinner with one of her friends, I said she could go, ill watch tv until she returns! She returns and she asks her mother if she can go to her friends house and stay, and her mother said no, your boyfriend is here! she looks at me and says well he can go home so I can go to my friends house! I thought it was rude for her to say that! so the next morning I send her friend a text saying " Tell my girlfriend to check her FB messages ASAP and her friend said my Girlfriend will check it ASAP! that was at 2:25, at 9:30, I was pissed and then I sent that mean message saying talk to me now or never again! She broke up with me after reading that message, it was a huge mistake in sending the message! What should I do now? I miss you her! We could still be together today but I overreacted and now I pushed her love away! and she wont talk to me!
Hi Kevin,
I was in an incredible relationship for the past 2 and a half years. He was my first boyfriend and lover and while we had days where we would just be pissed off at each other, these were vastly outnumbered by days where everything felt, and was right. We got engaged last Christmas because we both wanted to commit (which thinking now was a very big step considering we are 19 and 20 at different universities). He told a few weeks back he kissed someone in February but that was all it was and he didn't tell me because he didn't think it was that big a thing, but regrets it now and feels ashamed. I visited him last week because due to work and other commitments we had not seen each other in over a month and a half. We had many discussions and things were not always easy, but each time we went to bed it felt like part of what we were unhappy with had been addressed and we always woke up feeling much better.
One night we were both drunk and got into a big fight in front of a couple of his friends, as he had promised me he had stopped smoking but took one from his friends. We both said and did things that hurt each other. The next day (having slept in different rooms) we spoke and vented the anger and upset we were feeling. By the end we were both saying that we didn't want to break up but knew we had to - the fight had shown us that neither of us were in a stable place.
When I got on the train I rung to tell him I had gotten there safe but that I didn't want to go and he told me he wishes I were able to get off that train and wait for him but it's not what he needs. We have had a couple of phone calls since then in which we have spoken about how we are feeling with a bit of space and what our friends and family say and the general vibe is that we aren't promising anything but we are very hopeful and feel that there is something very special there still. He told me that he still loves me more than he thought possible and as soon as I am in a place where I need him (i.e. danger/illness) to not be scared to ring and he will be there straight away. The last phone call he told me that he really loves me but to pretend I didn't hear that. He says he wants time to get himself together and that I need time to become more stable - I agree with what he is saying.
We have one more term of uni left this year, the exam season. I am planning to use this as a time to do the no contact rule as we both need to focus on other things. We also both have a few weeks after exams to partay(!). I am going to try and just live my life and do what I want, but I was wondering what I should do after this term. We live 10 minutes away from each other at home. If I feel strong feelings of wanting to see him (as opposed to feeling I need to) I was going to text him and ask when he's back from uni and offer to meet up for a coffee. I finish in two months time so this would be more than the minimum the no contact rule suggests?
Finally, for his Birthday I booked him and me Lady Gaga tickets for an October concert. When we parted I said he could have both of them so he could take someone he really wants to go with and he said "I really want to go with you Will. It's something special that we do together". I also said he could keep the engagement ring and he wears it on his middle finger now. I can't help but feel that he is saying he wants to be with me in the future, but is trying to allow me time to move on so that I can move back.
Is this really what's happening or have I mis-read the signs? Do I have a chance with him? And does it matter that it's a gay relationship or is it a very similar case to straight ones? Thank you for your very helpful guide and advice :)
Hey Will,
The steps remain the same even in a gay relationship. I think you do have a chance with him and you should do exactly as you plan to do.
PS: If you ever want someone to stop smoking, never get angry at them when they relapse. It'll just make them smoke in hidden and possibly even more than they did before (guilty pleasure).
Hey Will,
The steps remain the same even in a gay relationship. I think you do have a chance with him and you should do exactly as you plan to do.
PS: If you ever want someone to stop smoking, never get angry at them when they relapse. It'll just make them smoke in hidden and possibly even more than they did before (guilty pleasure).
Hey there,
So my story is, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months. And we just broke up 3 days ago. The reason we broke up, is because last month he started going out to night clubs, and one night picked up a girl. They apparently exchanged numbers and started talking and seeing each other more often over a one month period. Things started to get into a mess, and I've been knowing that he has been contacting her for a while now. But just two weeks ago, she started coming to sleepover at his dormitory every night, I knew because we live in the same building, just different rooms, and saw the girl going to his room every night. Then 3 days ago, we three, the girl, my boyfriend and I met up to talk about how things are going to be handled. I told him to decide between me and her. He eventually chose her, and said that he "just wants to have fun, as she could offer him something i can't (that is a sexual relationship." And said that he doesn't want to hurt me any more.
But before she came into his life, things were going so well. I know hes not gonna be serious with the girl. So what should I do? I've been in no contact with him since the breakup, but next week there's gonna be a festival held in town for 3 days and our family, which are very close, are going to meet up and I will, with no doubt, encounter him. What should I do in this situation?
And do you think I would have a chance to getting him back?
Thanks!
Just be cordial and have fun. Treat him like an acquaintance, don’t talk about the relationship and keep the conversations short (less than 5 minutes).
I do think you have a chance, but you should use this time to explore your options and learn more about yourself. You are young, and so is he. He is not ready for a commitment and even if you do get him back, there is no guarantee he will be ready to commit and/or he won't leave you for some other girl. I'll suggest you keep no contact for 5-6 months, start dating during this time and learn to be happy in your life without him.
Hey, so I was at the festival yesterday, and apparently he accompanied me to the restroom, so we were alone for like 10 minutes. And then he suddenly kissed me out of the blue, and said he still loved me and asked if we could continue as "best friends," and when he's ready he might come back. That's what he said, but as of now, he said he's not ready to commit himself to anyone. And I know with my heart, that I obviously could not keep it as "friends," because of my feelings. What should I do?
And also, I was facebook messaging with my ex-ex boyfriend named Chris, the one before him, and he saw my phone screen, and asked "Oh, you're back talking to your ex?" And I said"yeah" and kept messaging, and then he suddenly pulled my phone away. And also, after that, I was taking pictures of the festival and sending them to Chris, and he saw and again asked"Why are you sending photos to Chris? What's going on between you guys?" What do his actions mean? Was he getting jealous?
And, I can keep the no contact for 5-6 months, but I will be going abroad this July for my studies for 2 years...... So I should still keep the no contact for 5-6 months right?
Thanks!
Yes, he was jealous. You should tell him you need time and space and perhaps you can be friends sometime in the future. If you think you need no contact for 5-6 months, then you should. If you want to move on (which I'll recommend since you are going abroad for studies and LDR with him is going to be extremely hard), then you should continue no contact indefinitely.
Thank you so much , Kevin for your advice~ I really appreciate it, and I think I will do the no contact for 5-6 months, and then may be later decide whether or not I should move on when the time comes. I will surely need your advice again in the near future ! Thanks ! :)
Thank you so much , Kevin for your advice~ I really appreciate it, and I think I will do the no contact for 5-6 months, and then may be later decide whether or not I should move on when the time comes. I will surely need your advice again in the near future ! Thanks ! :)
Thank you so much , Kevin for your advice~ I really appreciate it, and I think I will do the no contact for 5-6 months, and then may be later decide whether or not I should move on when the time comes. I will surely need your advice again in the near future ! Thanks ! :)
Thank you so much , Kevin for your advice~ I really appreciate it, and I think I will do the no contact for 5-6 months, and then may be later decide whether or not I should move on when the time comes. I will surely need your advice again in the near future ! Thanks ! :)
Thank you so much , Kevin for your advice~ I really appreciate it, and I think I will do the no contact for 5-6 months, and then may be later decide whether or not I should move on when the time comes. I will surely need your advice again in the near future ! Thanks ! :)
Yes, he was jealous. You should tell him you need time and space and perhaps you can be friends sometime in the future. If you think you need no contact for 5-6 months, then you should. If you want to move on (which I'll recommend since you are going abroad for studies and LDR with him is going to be extremely hard), then you should continue no contact indefinitely.
Yes, he was jealous. You should tell him you need time and space and perhaps you can be friends sometime in the future. If you think you need no contact for 5-6 months, then you should. If you want to move on (which I'll recommend since you are going abroad for studies and LDR with him is going to be extremely hard), then you should continue no contact indefinitely.
Yes, he was jealous. You should tell him you need time and space and perhaps you can be friends sometime in the future. If you think you need no contact for 5-6 months, then you should. If you want to move on (which I'll recommend since you are going abroad for studies and LDR with him is going to be extremely hard), then you should continue no contact indefinitely.
Hey, so I was at the festival yesterday, and apparently he accompanied me to the restroom, so we were alone for like 10 minutes. And then he suddenly kissed me out of the blue, and said he still loved me and asked if we could continue as "best friends," and when he's ready he might come back. That's what he said, but as of now, he said he's not ready to commit himself to anyone. And I know with my heart, that I obviously could not keep it as "friends," because of my feelings. What should I do?
And also, I was facebook messaging with my ex-ex boyfriend named Chris, the one before him, and he saw my phone screen, and asked "Oh, you're back talking to your ex?" And I said"yeah" and kept messaging, and then he suddenly pulled my phone away. And also, after that, I was taking pictures of the festival and sending them to Chris, and he saw and again asked"Why are you sending photos to Chris? What's going on between you guys?" What do his actions mean? Was he getting jealous?
And, I can keep the no contact for 5-6 months, but I will be going abroad this July for my studies for 2 years...... So I should still keep the no contact for 5-6 months right?
Thanks!
Hey, so I was at the festival yesterday, and apparently he accompanied me to the restroom, so we were alone for like 10 minutes. And then he suddenly kissed me out of the blue, and said he still loved me and asked if we could continue as "best friends," and when he's ready he might come back. That's what he said, but as of now, he said he's not ready to commit himself to anyone. And I know with my heart, that I obviously could not keep it as "friends," because of my feelings. What should I do?
And also, I was facebook messaging with my ex-ex boyfriend named Chris, the one before him, and he saw my phone screen, and asked "Oh, you're back talking to your ex?" And I said"yeah" and kept messaging, and then he suddenly pulled my phone away. And also, after that, I was taking pictures of the festival and sending them to Chris, and he saw and again asked"Why are you sending photos to Chris? What's going on between you guys?" What do his actions mean? Was he getting jealous?
And, I can keep the no contact for 5-6 months, but I will be going abroad this July for my studies for 2 years...... So I should still keep the no contact for 5-6 months right?
Thanks!
Just be cordial and have fun. Treat him like an acquaintance, don’t talk about the relationship and keep the conversations short (less than 5 minutes).
I do think you have a chance, but you should use this time to explore your options and learn more about yourself. You are young, and so is he. He is not ready for a commitment and even if you do get him back, there is no guarantee he will be ready to commit and/or he won't leave you for some other girl. I'll suggest you keep no contact for 5-6 months, start dating during this time and learn to be happy in your life without him.
Hey Kevin,
So it's my birthday on Saturday and my ex texted me yesterday to wish me an early happy birthday since he is going out of town for the weekend. I am feeling pretty good and no contact would have been over in a few days so I decided to text him back and ask how he was doing. He called me right away and we talked and it was pretty good, except he kept asking me if I am still in love with him, which was annoying but I explained that I agreed with the break up and I'm sorry for all my neediness. I can tell that he think nothing has changed and that I'm still the same. He said he still loves me a lot and that if I were to love there he would date me again. But anyways, we talked all day and it was good but when night rolled around we basically slept together over Skype. I panicked and I just went with it but I told him afterwards that it wasn't going to happen again and we are not that kind of friends. Do you think I ruined my chances ?
No, I don't think you ruined your chances. I think he will be contacting you again, but take things slowly and let him chase you for a while.
I got your message back a little late, yesterday I sent him old pictures of our conversations from when we started dating with a "haha these are so funny, so long ago" type of message. He was very unresponsive and a bit cold. He put "lol" and when I asked how his trip was he said good and I said thats good and he never answered me back. I dont know what changed. Should I just give him a few days and see if he contacts me?
Yes, you should back off for a while.
Hey Kevin,
It's been about three days since my ex and I last talked, and I feel like something is wrong. He would have contacted me by now if he wanted to talk. I'm very confused. Do you have any ideas why something may have changed? If he doesn't contact me, should I text him? I would wait until it's been a week before I did that obviously, but if I should text him what should I say?
If you haven't used the texts in the article till now, use them.
If you haven't used the texts in the article till now, use them.
If you haven't used the texts in the article till now, use them.
If you haven't used the texts in the article till now, use them.
If you haven't used the texts in the article till now, use them.
If you haven't used the texts in the article till now, use them.
Hey Kevin,
It's been about three days since my ex and I last talked, and I feel like something is wrong. He would have contacted me by now if he wanted to talk. I'm very confused. Do you have any ideas why something may have changed? If he doesn't contact me, should I text him? I would wait until it's been a week before I did that obviously, but if I should text him what should I say?
Hey Kevin,
It's been about three days since my ex and I last talked, and I feel like something is wrong. He would have contacted me by now if he wanted to talk. I'm very confused. Do you have any ideas why something may have changed? If he doesn't contact me, should I text him? I would wait until it's been a week before I did that obviously, but if I should text him what should I say?
Hey Kevin,
It's been about three days since my ex and I last talked, and I feel like something is wrong. He would have contacted me by now if he wanted to talk. I'm very confused. Do you have any ideas why something may have changed? If he doesn't contact me, should I text him? I would wait until it's been a week before I did that obviously, but if I should text him what should I say?
Hey Kevin,
It's been about three days since my ex and I last talked, and I feel like something is wrong. He would have contacted me by now if he wanted to talk. I'm very confused. Do you have any ideas why something may have changed? If he doesn't contact me, should I text him? I would wait until it's been a week before I did that obviously, but if I should text him what should I say?
Yes, you should back off for a while.
Yes, you should back off for a while.
Yes, you should back off for a while.
I got your message back a little late, yesterday I sent him old pictures of our conversations from when we started dating with a "haha these are so funny, so long ago" type of message. He was very unresponsive and a bit cold. He put "lol" and when I asked how his trip was he said good and I said thats good and he never answered me back. I dont know what changed. Should I just give him a few days and see if he contacts me?
I got your message back a little late, yesterday I sent him old pictures of our conversations from when we started dating with a "haha these are so funny, so long ago" type of message. He was very unresponsive and a bit cold. He put "lol" and when I asked how his trip was he said good and I said thats good and he never answered me back. I dont know what changed. Should I just give him a few days and see if he contacts me?
No, I don't think you ruined your chances. I think he will be contacting you again, but take things slowly and let him chase you for a while.
Good afternoon!
I sent you emails at the end of march. So you should know or be able to look at the back story.
March 29th we did get back together I was so happy
He invited me over and kissed me well things got a little heated and stopped him. I told him that i respect myself too much and we need to talk and fix things before anything like this would happen. So we talked and everything was fine.
The week went fine. but he seemed distant. So i adressed it and he said he just needs time . I told him I dont expect him to swing his door open but since im working on things he should open up slowly (though if u look at my prior post its not like i even did anything horrible!)
Saturday we went to the beach and had a great day
Sunday i left in the afternoon to do some work we talked that night.
Monday no contact; Tuesday…no contact so Wed I sent him a sweet photo a sexy photo and i loveyou have a great day! within about an hour range.
STILL NOTHING
IDK why. Does he want his “space again” is he going to break up again? I dont get it I think a few texts after three days is ok.
He still has not contacted me….
Please help. I want him to chase me. I am a probably too sweet gf. I cook, clean, go up and beyond and love 100%….
It's hard to say what's going on with him. I think the only thing you can do right now is give him more space and don't message him again for at least another week.
It's hard to say what's going on with him. I think the only thing you can do right now is give him more space and don't message him again for at least another week.
Hi Kevin,
my name is Tony and I'm 19 I've recently broken up with my girlfriend Andrea who's 16! We've know each other for like 10 years! and after 5 months of dating, I sent a stupid message to her! I've pushed her love away and I've sent like 100 messages saying I'm sorry and that I love her which is a mistake! I think I'm pushing her away by messaging her a lot! I just want her back! How long before I send a message to her?
Hey Tony,
You should wait 30 days.
Hey Tony,
You should wait 30 days.
Hi Kevin,
My ex told me that he doesn't want to give us another try because he is not willing to put anymore effort into the relationship and doesn't have the patience for anything anymore..however, he would message me every now and again and asks how I am doing....and said that he care about me because I am a good person...Can you please shed some light on what you think is going on with him and do you think I can a have to get him back?
It's a very common behavior. He doesn't want to lose you completely, but he is not sure he wants to get back together either. I do think there is a chance. It's at least worth giving a shot.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
It's a very common behavior. He doesn't want to lose you completely, but he is not sure he wants to get back together either. I do think there is a chance. It's at least worth giving a shot.
Dear Kevin,
I was dating a guy (23 years old) from March till February (11 months). He was my first guy.
I didn't like him firstly, because basically he was not a good guy - disrespectful, liar, very childish, arrogant, jealous, poor, irresponsible, used some very strong drugs in the past (heroine), weak mentally and having some psychological problems. (Nevertheless he is talented and clever and is graduating from a medical university next year). But with me he changed a lot because he crazily fell in love with me, wanted to marry me and step by step was changing a lot for me. Started paying for me, bringing me flowers and chocolates each time, found a job, refused to go partying with friends for me. Even his friends were shocked by such a change, saying they never ever saw him like that before.
I found out that he cheated on me on 2d and 4th month of our dating. But he was so sorry, saying he felt so sad that we fought, so he went to these girls to feel better. I forgave him but after that I became IMPOSSIBLE. Even though he was doing nothing bad after, I stopped trusting him, was making scandals out of nowhere, crying all the time. Moreover I was comparing myself and his exs al the time. If he brought me a present, firstly I was happy, but was starting shouting, that he did that to her as well. We had fights every day.
So in november he dumped me, but after a week he came back saying his life is empty without me, and he can't live without me. I took him back.
This february, he broke up with me again, because 'his sister, his family and friends tell him that he deserves someone much better than me', that' I am controlling him too much, and he wants to drink and have fun and do whatever he wants, and he is tired of fighting and that I am so disrespectful towards him and that he is always hurt by me.'
I persuaded him not to do it, next day was Valentine's day, he brought me flowers, nice postcard, took me to a nice place. But after we stayed together 3 more days, and he was sooooo disrespectful with me and irritated by me, treating me like a dog, shouting, so that finally I had nothing but to say 'we need a break'. After 4 days I saw him in a club, very sad. So I came to him, hugged him, saying 'come on, lets get together, it was just a small break'. But he behaved very arrogant, saying in front of everyone, that he feels much better without me, that we tried for one year, nothing will work, and other awful things, blowed cigaret smoke into my face. 30 min later he saw me talking with a guy and approached me 2 times trying to pull away from that guy. But I told him"you just 30 min ago told me 'its over' and humiliated me in from of your friends. So what do you want from me now? Go away".
Next day he deleted 100 pictures of us from instagram and I wrote him a message stating 'I don't want to see you and to hear you ever in my life anymore, don't you ever try to contact me in anyway, it is over!" So he deleted the rest of our pics everywhere including Facebook, and BLOCKED me everywhere.
I was dying after, wanted to write him, that 'I understood my mistakes, that I will not make crisis anymore, will be easier, not fighting, not talking about the past, not controlling him, appreciating even the smallest things from him, praising him more, etc'. But all my friends were telling me not to do it, not to write to him, though I felt that only this can help.
A month passed, I haven't contacted him in anyway, when I saw him somewhere, I didn't approach him. But at the last party I saw him with a girl, her appearance was totally opposite to mine (I am tall, very beautiful brunette, she is small, tiny, ordinary blonde). When he saw that i saw them together, he took her very carefully by shoulder as if trying to protect her from me, and took her to another place. 2 hours later I saw them again, passionately kissing in the corner. touching each other. He saw that I saw them, and he went away with her again. Is he really in love with her and trying to hide her from me?
It freaks me out he is not posting pictures on IG or FB, not event trying to make me angry or jealous, and hiding his life...
In 5 days it will be exactly 2 months since we have last spoke to each other. I so want to write to him. But I am afraid. If he didn't contact me during this time. he might have moved on and living a happy life without me. Because previously it was no problem to him to approach me through any means. to write 300 messages if I were mad at him and so on. So now if i contact him he will just hurt me, saying fuck off, or that he is happy with his new girlfriend (if he has one).
I feel so guilty I killed his love to me with my constant fights and distrust to him and didn't do my best to save this relationships.
Help me. Kevin, what should I do?((
You should contact him. Use the letter mentioned in the article. And then contact him using text messages. When you contact him, don't tell him to get back together. Let it be his idea.
You should contact him. Use the letter mentioned in the article. And then contact him using text messages. When you contact him, don't tell him to get back together. Let it be his idea.
So my ex and I we're dating for four years, I cheated on her. I felt guilty about it I didn't want her to find out through someone else so I told her myself. She was mad for about two months and she told me she was over it that we can leave it behind us and continue on. Few months passed and she was talking to this guy as we were dating still, then one day she just decided to leave. I told her we needed to talk so we met up. She told me she didn't want a relationship no more that she needs her space. So her space, I gave her but I started finding out more and more and there's this guy she talking to. She told me to move on that's she trying to do that. The love she once had for me isn't there no more. I don't want to loose her I see my future with her, yes I know there can be more women out there but there's something about her. Any advice to getting her back? I feel like this guy is taking my place it's overwhelming.
Follow the 5 step plan. That new guy is probably a rebound.
Follow the 5 step plan. That new guy is probably a rebound.
Hi Kevin
Recently my 2 1/2 relationship with my boyfriend was broken off. He broke it off because he "fell out of love" with me. But he believes that he and I can remain best friends. What I'm confused about is four days later he had moved on to a new girl and they're currently dating. I am very unsure what to do because I feel as if our spark is still there. Or am I just bringing myself false hope.
I think there is hope. You should try the 5 step plan.
I think there is hope. You should try the 5 step plan.
Kevin
I met a married man. Just happened. We were together 8 times over 4 months. We broke up several times because we felt that what we were doing wasn't right. We tried to be friend. It didn't work. Last time, we met, he said he would leave his wife if he didn't have kids. So I said it was enough and not to contact me again. He agreed. It's been two weeks. It is hard. What should I do ? I know this is a different scenario than having an ex... for me, it is now the no contact rule... For ever ?
I guess. Unless he decides himself to get a divorce, you can't do anything.
I guess. Unless he decides himself to get a divorce, you can't do anything.
15 years with the same person 2 weeks no contact and I broke the rule and feel so bad now he just wished me well, I wanted more, will it ever me any more :'(
sorry I should say more, he ended up getting addicted to over the counter drugs and found another partner who is also addicted. I feel that while that other partner is around I have little chance although he is in drug therapy
I think you do have a chance once he realizes he is throwing his life away. The other girl is probably a rebound. Follow no contact for another month and get back in touch with him.
I think you do have a chance once he realizes he is throwing his life away. The other girl is probably a rebound. Follow no contact for another month and get back in touch with him.
Hi Kevin,
I have been broken up with about six weeks ago, we've been together on and off for almost nine years, we don't have kids together but I do have two kids from a previous relationship that are quite attached to him, especially my youngest who has been asking for him for quite a bit these days. He said that I was in need of time that he couldn't give me because he wanted to focus on stabilizing himself to have a better life.I thought that I could handle not having him around very much but I guess that I didn't.When he left this last time I did send him an email and a couple of text messages but then I went quiet. After about two weeks he responded and told me things like not to apologize for anything and that maybe someone else could give me what I needed. I did respond to that email telling him that that was not what I wanted, I wanted to work things out with him. That was almost three weeks ago, he didn't respond. About a week ago he called and I missed the call, when checking my phone I realized that I had accidentally called him, but I only saw that after I had called him back (he didn't pick up). So I just sent him a text apologizing for the misunderstanding. I stayed quiet after that. Today I sent him another text just to tell his mom happy birthday for me, I lost her number, he didn't respond to my request at all. Should I have not said anything? His birthday is at the end of the month should I not say anything then?
A couple of years ago when we broke up for a couple of months I followed this process I stayed quiet, then I wrote an email like the one you suggested. We did end up back together so the process works but will it work this time especially since I've done it before? I just want to know how I should do things from here has accidentally contacting him then doing it again, has that set me back? I'm a letter and email writer by nature, I written him love noes and apology letters a few times over the years, so does that mean that my letter could possibly be less effective???...
Please help!
I think it might work again. It's worth trying. I'll suggest you start no contact again for one or two months and then use it. I don't think letters will be less effective. Just keep the letter short this time and don't talk about getting back together.
I think it might work again. It's worth trying. I'll suggest you start no contact again for one or two months and then use it. I don't think letters will be less effective. Just keep the letter short this time and don't talk about getting back together.
Kevin,
So my x says she wants space, I texted, emailed and called for 3-4 days after she said that and clearly things didnt work out. I did the no contact for 2 days and she kept calling me which felt great! The issue I'm facing now is, After she contacted me last night for no reason, I went crazy today and emailed, texted her all day to the point where I brought up old feelings, she didnt like it and it didnt go down too well...I can I still apply the no contact from now on and how her think of me? Or is it too late, do I look too obsessive?
It's not too late. Start no contact again.
It's not too late. Start no contact again.
So myself and this girl got together beginning of this year,she is 23 and I will be next month.
We had a few emotional rollercoasters,due to not knowing
How the other feels about the situation.
I eventually asked her to be my girlfriend she said yes.
We had a arguement in the week.I repremanded her on something
She did..long story short,it lead to her telling me
That she is not planning on giving me false hope in this,relationship.
And that she has been the heart broken girl before and she is
Not going down that road again.
She said she does not know what to do from here.I eventually got her apologise,I accepted the apology and said thank you.
she said you welcome.I did not reply after two days.I greetd her and like wise.I said I though about what we spoke about and whether she did too?
She still hasn't reply since.
I've decided to ignore her from here on in?.we not that long together,would ignoring her now,be a smart move?.
Cause I'm confuse about it all.Is she insecure or just plaing me??.
She is afraid of commitment. Apply no contact. If she contacts you, tell her you both need space and time and continue with the plan.
She is afraid of commitment. Apply no contact. If she contacts you, tell her you both need space and time and continue with the plan.
I need some advice....I broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago. We had been together for 3 years. I did not have contact with him for a month, and he called me out of the blue. He said he would be coming by soon to get his boat which has been in my yard all winter. He told me he had slept with someone else, but would not say if he has feeling for this knew girl. Why would he tell me he has been with someone (which I feel is really soon after being together for 3 years) but then not tell me if he has feelings for her? Now that I know he has been with someone else it is driving me crazy! I did text him a bunch of times that day after our conversation on the phone and told him I am sorry for how things ended, that I should have tried harder in our relationship etc......and I think he probably sees this as being needy. What do I do now? Why did he call me after a month and tell me about this other girl?
I guess it was to make you jealous. Some people want to rub it in their ex's face that they are moving on. These are the people who actually have a hard time moving on. I think you should apply no contact (aside from him getting the boat) and then follow the 5 step plan.
I guess it was to make you jealous. Some people want to rub it in their ex's face that they are moving on. These are the people who actually have a hard time moving on. I think you should apply no contact (aside from him getting the boat) and then follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin, I am so glad I found this site. Thanks! I just wanted to know what you think my chances are at getting my ex back. I was the one who messed it up. We have only been together for a few weeks but he was very special and we told each other we loved each other and we were making plans for the future. He was very busy with work and didn't contact me for a couple of days which I wasn't used to from him so I got defensive and insecure and ended it over Facebook. Lame I know and not one of my proudest moments. He just said he was sorry I felt that way. I apologised immediately and sent him several messages apologising for my behavior. I really have no idea why I got so insecure. He hasn't replied and I have now applied no contact but I am just really worried I have lost the best thing that ever happened to me in a moment of madness. Not sure if this can be resolved. I was wondering what you thought. I am so heartbroken and miss him so much.
You do have a pretty good chance if you follow the 5 step plan.
You do have a pretty good chance if you follow the 5 step plan.
You are an eye opener... thank you so much..... will never forget this...
You're welcome Anu. I am glad it helped.
You're welcome Anu. I am glad it helped.
Hi Keven! So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and 7 months. Things were perfect, we never had big fights, we argued a little sometimes but it's normal. Since this september, school started and he started to work so we didn't see each other during the day, so we decided to sleep together everynight. Since then, it was like we were living together, one night we slept at his house and the other night we were at mine. We still never have big fights, everything was doing great. Until he told me, a week ago, that his feelings have changed. He told me what he didn't like about our relationship, what he wanted us to change. He told me that he started to have memories with his ex, that he dated for 8 months. (apparently they were always arguing and their relationship never worked out). I asked him if he could delete him from facebook so he won't see her pictures and stuff. He did it. He told me that he didnt miss her or want to go back with her, he even told this to his friend. He told me that he didn't see himself without me and that i was the most beautiful thing that happened to him.I gave him some space, we didnt talk for a day. Then, we texted each other and it was perfect like before. He was giving me some affection and attention that a guy wouldn't do if he didn't love me. When we were having sex it was perfect and he told me that he love me and stuff... then on wednesday, he came at my house after school to tell me `` i think i am the problem ``. He didn't know if he loved me or not, so we decided to take a little break. I was texting him long message that night. but the other day i didnt texted him, he texted me during the night but i only responded the morning. He wanted us to talk. I was sooo stressed to know what he was going to say to me... on friday night, i saw that he was snapchatting his ex, so i was soo pissed and it hurted my feelings because i told him to delete her from facebook it's not for nothing! He didnt understand why I was this pissed because he told me that they were just talking about little things nothing serious. He then stopped to talk to her. (she started talkimg to him on wednesday that he told me). Then on sunday we saw eachother, he told me how much he loved me, how much i was beautiful. sex was perfect. I really felt like he missed me... the other day we were together he was cute too and it was like usual. We slept at my house, we watched a movie he wanted to watch so I made him happy. The next day, he had to go at his house and it is where everything changed. He didnt text me, he was being weird. I told him that i was worried and after what happenned i needed him to tell me things like ``i love you you dont need to worry about anything``. He told me that he was tired, so he didnt say anything. The other day, he acted normal he told me he loved me and stufff... then bam, i called him after school and he told me on the phone that we were done. He was so weird, he told me this so fast. So the next day he came to my house and we talked about it. I was pissed because I saw that he was snapchatting his ex. He told me that he loves his ex.... I then told him why he acted like he loved me? and he told me he forced himself and that he didnt wanna hurt my feelings. I told him that i knew when something wasnt going right and that he wouldnt of told me he loved me and didnt cuddle me like usual if he was forcing himself... So we broke up on wednesday. His mom was texting me to know how I was doing. Her mom told me that they all didnt understand why he did this, and they know that it is not the right decision. They know that i would take care of him not like his ex. Her mom told him that she wasnt the welcome at their house. They hope he will realise that it is not the right decision... My bf (ex now) told them to let him do his own mistakes.... I heard at school that apparently they were seeing eachother yesterday night. Right now, I cry sometimes but i am more pissed at him. I dont always have the urge for him to text me or me to text him. I just don't know why he did this to me, what heis thinking in his head.. Everyone doesnt understand because it was like he was very inlove with me.. I dont know what to think, that he still love me and it is beccause of her that he broke up with me. I would want to know if he is sad right now, if he misses me, i would want to know if him and his ex doesnt work out if he would come back... I am not texting him or anything. I know how much he loved me, i dont even realise it is real, i feel like he will come back because i wouldnt understand if he wouldnt miss me... I heard that his ex was very jealous and possesive, even with her last boyfriend. She was in a 10 months relatiomship and it ended 2 weeks ago... I want to forget about him, but i have so many questions, i would want to know that if his ex wouldnt be there if he would of stayed... i just hope it wont work out or he will miss me... idont know what to think :( I dont even know how he could move on from our relationship so fast, because he loved me a lot... and we've been together for a long time so everything will make him think of me.. Do you think there are chances of him coming back? And by the way, sorry for my bad english I am french.
Hey,
I think he does miss you and he is sad about the breakup. You two did have something special and probably deep down inside, he also knows he is making a mistake. If his relationship doesn't work out (and chances are it won't), he will most probably come back. But you should apply no contact and learn to be happy without him. You have to learn to stop obsessing over him and realize even if he doesn't come back, you are going to have a happy and fulfilling life.
Hey, it's me again. I have a lot of questions in my head and I know that because of that, I won't be able to move on. His mom called me yesterday to talk about everything and she wanted to know if I was ok. She told me that everyone in the family are sad, because they know that it is not the right decision and they knew I was a good girl for his son. Her mom told me that everytime she tries to talk to my ex, he gets frustated.. they don't recognize him. He's mad because her mom doesn't accept his decision... Today I went to school and I saw her having his shirt, and I keep going on snapchat and I see that he keeps snapchatting with her... I know that it is normal because right now their relationship must be good and he thinks that it's the right decision... but I keep asking myself if he will come back. I am not contacting him, and I am trying to get over him. Her mom told me that she told him that it's the 3rd time that they will get back together and she told him that it couldn't work if it didn't worked out before. She told me that when he was with her he felt like he was the only one making efforts for them to work, and that he was very heartbreaking when they broke up... It's like if he told himself that because his ex comes back, he is telling himself that maybe it'll work out because she is the one coming back... I am hurt, I never knew he would do this to me, no one understands. It's like if those two years were for nothing (I know that I will learn something from that), but he was so in love with me, I don't understand why he is doing this, he doesn't even seem to care... Her mom told me that she is manipulating him....
Hey, it's me again. I have a lot of questions in my head and I know that because of that, I won't be able to move on. His mom called me yesterday to talk about everything and she wanted to know if I was ok. She told me that everyone in the family are sad, because they know that it is not the right decision and they knew I was a good girl for his son. Her mom told me that everytime she tries to talk to my ex, he gets frustated.. they don't recognize him. He's mad because her mom doesn't accept his decision... Today I went to school and I saw her having his shirt, and I keep going on snapchat and I see that he keeps snapchatting with her... I know that it is normal because right now their relationship must be good and he thinks that it's the right decision... but I keep asking myself if he will come back. I am not contacting him, and I am trying to get over him. Her mom told me that she told him that it's the 3rd time that they will get back together and she told him that it couldn't work if it didn't worked out before. She told me that when he was with her he felt like he was the only one making efforts for them to work, and that he was very heartbreaking when they broke up... It's like if he told himself that because his ex comes back, he is telling himself that maybe it'll work out because she is the one coming back... I am hurt, I never knew he would do this to me, no one understands. It's like if those two years were for nothing (I know that I will learn something from that), but he was so in love with me, I don't understand why he is doing this, he doesn't even seem to care... Her mom told me that she is manipulating him....
Hey, it's me again. I have a lot of questions in my head and I know that because of that, I won't be able to move on. His mom called me yesterday to talk about everything and she wanted to know if I was ok. She told me that everyone in the family are sad, because they know that it is not the right decision and they knew I was a good girl for his son. Her mom told me that everytime she tries to talk to my ex, he gets frustated.. they don't recognize him. He's mad because her mom doesn't accept his decision... Today I went to school and I saw her having his shirt, and I keep going on snapchat and I see that he keeps snapchatting with her... I know that it is normal because right now their relationship must be good and he thinks that it's the right decision... but I keep asking myself if he will come back. I am not contacting him, and I am trying to get over him. Her mom told me that she told him that it's the 3rd time that they will get back together and she told him that it couldn't work if it didn't worked out before. She told me that when he was with her he felt like he was the only one making efforts for them to work, and that he was very heartbreaking when they broke up... It's like if he told himself that because his ex comes back, he is telling himself that maybe it'll work out because she is the one coming back... I am hurt, I never knew he would do this to me, no one understands. It's like if those two years were for nothing (I know that I will learn something from that), but he was so in love with me, I don't understand why he is doing this, he doesn't even seem to care... Her mom told me that she is manipulating him....
Hey,
I think he does miss you and he is sad about the breakup. You two did have something special and probably deep down inside, he also knows he is making a mistake. If his relationship doesn't work out (and chances are it won't), he will most probably come back. But you should apply no contact and learn to be happy without him. You have to learn to stop obsessing over him and realize even if he doesn't come back, you are going to have a happy and fulfilling life.
Hi Kevin,
What if your girlfriend broke up with you, due to her depression? We broke up 2 months ago, would have contact every now and then, mostly by text, but it would always go back to an emotional argument. Then I realized my mistakes in the relationship and told her that and appologized. I was caught up in my own stresses that I didn't realize I wasn't paying enough attention to her and so I think her feeling neglected is what triggered her depression. Then everything else in her life was suddenly wrong, she can't handle being near me, she now has insomnia, basically her mind is completely messing with her., making her question everything. She feels numb and so unsure of everything. We were great for about 14 months of living together and not so great for 3 months. She struggled to end it with me, first saying she needs space, then a break, then a break up. She moved in with a friend 2 months ago. She refuses to see a doctor about her depression, but even I have suffered from it, so I know over time she will come out of this episode naturally. Does the plan apply to a relationship that suffered because of this?? I can't logically imagine spending so many great months making memories with someone to be something they couldn't realize after the depression lifts. She says she needs zero contact and isolation, basically from everyone, so I know I don't have a choice, but do you think it could still work for someone like her?
Yes, I think there is a chance it will work. Although, you really can't do anything unless she comes out of her depression. I also replied to you here.
Yes, I think there is a chance it will work. Although, you really can't do anything unless she comes out of her depression. I also replied to you here.
I'm 22 my ex is 23, we were together for over a year. In the beginning of our relationship 4 months after meeting her I met another girl and at the time wasnt really looking for a serious relationship. Later on I realized how much I cared about my ex and so we made things official in a none official way really. One day I just introduced her as my girl friend and from then it was just implied. About 3 months later she found out about that other girl. About 6 months after that I finally told her what happened. She said she still wanted to be w me but id have to make it up to her. During all this time she had been acting very different almost like she was seeing someone else so our relationship was very back and forth and eventually got to a point where we broke things off i found out her ex of 2 years had been paying her phone bill for the past 3-4 months. After that I found sn old message sent to me from her ex saying she was playing the two of us so out of anger i sent it to her mom. After that we didnt talk for several weeks i missed her one day after having a dream about her. And after that she told me she wants nothing to do with me and to leave her along a few days later she calls me asking if i wanted to have casual sex with her, i told her no bc I still loved her and it would sit right with me if i knew she was seeing other people. Ever since then she has been calling me every day or texting me. About every other day or two she will say something like we will never be together again and that she snapped into reality she doesn't want to talk to me. We wont talk for a few days and then she will text me again asking to go out to coffee or calling me only to hang up on me and start the whole process over again. I don't know what this means or what i should even do! Please help! This has been going on for months and it's killing me. Every time she leaves again i lose myself again for a few days or weeks. Please help Kevin
You need to apply no contact. Follow the 5 step plan.
You need to apply no contact. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
My ex girlfriend broke up with me month ago. We are high school sweet heart. She was my bestfriend and I am her too. We lived together for 3 years and half. all those years we are together were the happiest moment of my life. She Broke up with me because she was tired of hoping that i will be open to her. that was the main issue communication. I admit its hard for me to share how i feel to her especially if i have problem, but it doesn't mean that i dont love her. I love her so much. God knows i tried to share how i feel to her. until one day her mother told me that i just used her daughter that i don't really love her daughter and i was shocked. I didn't know where that came from. So i let my girlfriend know ( i texted her because at that time she was in another country for training) she said we will talk about the issue when she came back. but when she came back we never talked about it. I waited for her to initiate the talk. for almost 3 weeks we were cold to each other. we really dont speak that much. then when the day came, she said she dont wanna invest in the relationship anymore. she said she was tired of me. I was really hurt, I apologized for my mistake and asked if we could work it out together. she dont want me to move out but I i thought moving out was the right thing to do because how could i stay if i know we dont have anymore relationship? it would just break me apart and maybe it will just destroyed what we had. was it the right thing to do kevin to moved out? We cried, I cried a lot. I was so afraid being alone coz i dont have any family here, my family is in onother country. She said she still love me and she just need time and space. she said we must give our relationship a time. when i moved out it was really hard even until now. I was so desperate and afraid that she would forget me. I went to her work, texted her if she could give me another chance.. but she didn't. the last time i saw her was two weeks ago. she said she still love me,she also said she still hoping that we will be back together again in time and that she has a faith on us. but its hard to believe that because her actions is really opposite to what she said. Its been 3 weeks now that i didn't hear from her. she unfriend me in facebook (but she didnt unblock me) erased our pictures together. It's been a week that i texted her that i already accepted the break up. even it hurt so much i am trying to move on. I always think of her. there is a part of me saying i need to wait and have faith in us but there is also a part of me saying i need to let go. she send all my things through her cousin to my place. and she wanted me to change my address. I really dont know what to do kevin. I love this girl more than anything in this world. DO I STILL NEED TO WAIT AND HOPE? OR SHALL I MOVE ON AND LET HER GO? DO YOU THINK I STILL HAVE A CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT? DOES SHE STILL LOVE ME?
thank you. hope to hear from you.
Brandon
Hey Brandon,
Like I said in the comment over here, I do think you have a chance and it's worth giving it a shot. If the plan doesn't work, you can be sure you don't have a future and move on.
Hi kevin. I am already on my 3rd weel of NC. I feel a little bit better now compared before. I came to accept the fact if she wants to come back to me she would but if not then so be it. I am focusing now on myself, but sometimes i still think about
her and miss her. her birthday is on the 30th April. shall i send her a birthday greeting on her email?
Thank you in advance.
Yes, but keep it short.
Yes, but keep it short.
Yes, but keep it short.
Yes, but keep it short.
Hi kevin. I am already on my 3rd weel of NC. I feel a little bit better now compared before. I came to accept the fact if she wants to come back to me she would but if not then so be it. I am focusing now on myself, but sometimes i still think about
her and miss her. her birthday is on the 30th April. shall i send her a birthday greeting on her email?
Thank you in advance.
Hi kevin. I am already on my 3rd weel of NC. I feel a little bit better now compared before. I came to accept the fact if she wants to come back to me she would but if not then so be it. I am focusing now on myself, but sometimes i still think about
her and miss her. her birthday is on the 30th April. shall i send her a birthday greeting on her email?
Thank you in advance.
Hey Brandon,
Like I said in the comment over here, I do think you have a chance and it's worth giving it a shot. If the plan doesn't work, you can be sure you don't have a future and move on.
Hi Kevin,
It’s now just over 2 weeks since I sent Vic my letter letting her know about my divorce.
This was it;
Hi Vic,
Hope you are doing okay.
I know this letter doesn't fix what's broken between us, and maybe it never will.
But I know I made some mistakes during our relationship, and I want to take full responsibility for those. I also want you to know that I’m sorry for acting the way I did after we split up and I apologise that I hurt you.
On a different note, my Divorce Absolute has been granted so things are starting to look up.
I hope Luca is still doing well at school and with his footie. Please give him my love.
Take care of yourself.
Keith
XX
My house has now just sold and that was the main problem she had more than the divorce. She was scared in case I loved the house that much I could never let it go and that’s why she split up to avoid carrying on then possibly getting hurt in the future.
Should I give her more time to let her get to terms with the fact that I’m now divorced or should I let her know about the house now? If I should let her know what is the best way to go about it bearing in mind her barriers are still up?
I had thought about sending her son Luca all my garden bird feeders which I used to have in my garden and a note saying I hope he can use and enjoy them as I don’t have a garden anymore. Vic will obviously read the note and will know that this means the house is sold but don’t know whether this is a good idea.
Can you help Kevin?
Thanks so much.
Hey Keith,
I think you should contact her using texts(the one mentioned in the article). If she responds and you have a text conversation, you can bring up the house during the conversation. Don't talk about getting back together or show any neediness.
If she doesn't respond to your text or is extremely cold, then send her the bird feeders.
Hey Keith,
I think you should contact her using texts(the one mentioned in the article). If she responds and you have a text conversation, you can bring up the house during the conversation. Don't talk about getting back together or show any neediness.
If she doesn't respond to your text or is extremely cold, then send her the bird feeders.
Hi Kevin,
I need some advice! I broke up with my boyfriend about four weeks ago and he contacted me saying he'll give me a week to decide if we should get back together, but when the day came and I made up my mind on wanting to be with him, he said we should just be friends. He say's that he still loves me and calls me baby when we talk to each other, he also told me when I broke up with him that nobody is going to love you like I do! But there is a problem that started in our relationship, I was getting jelouse of his best friend who is a girl in high school and about to graduate, she is 18, and My ex is 22 and they known each other since childhood, he told me that I had nothing to worry about, he isn't attracted to her and he called me an idiot because he only loved me. I feel like my ex has second thoughts about us getting together he says there is still hope but I feel like there isn't anymore, he dropped a bomb on me couple of days ago telling his best friend that he loved her, and she told him that she loved him back yet they can only be friends right now because she likes someone else, this is while I was trying to get back with him and he knew that I loved him. I'm in love with this guy and I don't know what to do, the best thing is to move on but I love him too much to move on, he still asks me who i hang out with, and if I hanging out with guys, we've been together for 4 months and I need some great advice, please help me I'm in desperate need of help I don't want to loose him and I feel like each day passes I'm loosing him!
You need to apply no contact for at least two months and learn to be happy without him. Tell him you need some time and space and start no contact. After that, if you still want him back, get in touch with him. Read the 5 step plan for more details.
You need to apply no contact for at least two months and learn to be happy without him. Tell him you need some time and space and start no contact. After that, if you still want him back, get in touch with him. Read the 5 step plan for more details.
Hi Kevin
Well here goes
I met mike 3 months ago
Of a dating site
He lives 3 hours away from me
Which he said wasn't a problem as he don't mind the drive
Anyway we got on great and he said the traveling was worth it to see me
We saw each other every other wk end due to my work
But the wk ends he was with out me he grew secretive
And distant never heard from him hardly at all
Which is ok I guess as be said he was with friends
So as we were new and just met I let it go
But 6 wks into this he asked me to be his girl
I excepted so in my eyes we took it further to next level
Things were good I even drive to him one wk end and he look after me fantasticly
Anyway
One one end it happened again him being serective
Not even in general conversation when I ask how was your day?
His reply fine thanks,
End of
Well we had a fall out as I said I wasn't happy about it
Big mistake!
He ended it, cut me right off
I was devastated at this
This was two wks ago
I've stuck to the no contact
And reading everything your saying
But scared of his stubbornness
That him getting untouched with me is a no no!
Am I wasting my time?
Tina
I think you two had some serious communication problem or he was actually hiding something. Regardless, you do have a chance and I don't think you are wasting your time if you follow the no contact rule and do what it says in this article.
I think you two had some serious communication problem or he was actually hiding something. Regardless, you do have a chance and I don't think you are wasting your time if you follow the no contact rule and do what it says in this article.
I'm pregnant, 26. I broke up with him after bombarding him with texts being needy and jealous. It was rash. I apologized, tried to say where I was coming from, regret. Emails, desperate phone calls. I acted crazy even before I broke up with him. Jealousy and neediness but I swear it was from the preg. hormones. He told me he needs to figure his life out, baby is bad timing and only has time for work. He's 36, divorced 7 yrs ago with a 9 yr old child.
I feel guilty. Wanted to show him I'm there for him and sorry but only pushed him away. He kept texting casual convo which made me mad because I thought he felt bad for me and would move on and him not wanting to be with me made me feel like a doormat. I called and accused him of being into another girl, told him not to talk to me until he figured his life out.
Then, I texted that night and basically told him how to get me back. Next morning, text to say gmorning and he did not respond to either. I have him on fb.
Should I delete everything?
Do I have a chance? Should I wait longer than 30 days? Should I make contact again before no contact period so he wonders where I went?
We were only together 4 months, he told me he loved me. Been broken up for 3 weeks. I want him back because we can work this all out and raise the baby together. Thx!! I love the support.
You do have a chance. Keep no contact 30 days. You should not contact him before no contact. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
You do have a chance. Keep no contact 30 days. You should not contact him before no contact. Read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
Hi Kevin,
I need advice from you regarding this problem that I have with my ex-colleague. Lets call him B, he is not my ex, we were never into any relationship, and I have an existing boyfriend whom I was with for 5yrs plus already. I joined my previous company for a year (I left the company already) and got to know of this very nice and helpful colleague. From the day that I joined my previous company, B has been giving me alot of attention and help, that I never experienced before. We were also chatting extensively on Whatsapp two weeks after knowing each other, chatting non-stop(daily for the first 1-2 months from morning progressively until the time before we go to bed eg. 1-2am). He would also ask me often for dinners in the beginning and told me to feel free to ask him out, even inviting me to service with him.
He also told me a lot about God, because my faith wasn’t very strong. Understand that he is looking for a partner who has a strong faith in God. He is single, and never had a girlfriend before.
He was very helpful to me at work, although we are from different division, but he would come to me immediately/as best he could whenever I need any help (through Whatsapp). Eg of his nice gestures includes accompanying me to buy groceries required for work and even offering to carry all the bags, accompany me to buy stationery, coming in to my office just to help me staple my notes, sacrificing his time off hours to help me with some manual work (few times) at another location, waiting with me for my boyfriend to arrive. All these happened in between office hours, or sometimes after work when we stayed back.
At one point, I was very protective over my phone because I mentioned to my friends about him, and he realised that (protective over my phone), and he would playfully snatch my phone, and we even touched each other’s hand. He would play and tease me eg. Switching off lights in the room to scare me and then holding the door to disallow me from going out, swoving my hair to disturb me. He would also term me as a close friend in the beginning when we were messaging. There were some of his Whatsapp which somehow mislead me about feelings for me, and confuses me if he just replied or hinting something.
This goes on until I find myself having feelings for him. I had never had crush on any guy, and the reason I started crushing on him, was because he gave me a very strong feeling that he likes me and due to his niceness, affected me to like him. I would tell him my hardships at work and how much I felt like leaving, he would ask why don’t I, and I just said something was holding me back. Once, we were outside, and I told him even when I got home I would think of the something, and he even pulled on my jacket asking me to tell him who that was.
Eventually one day I cant stand his niceness (I got on train and randomly messaged him telling actually wanted to ask him to wait with me for my boyfriend, and he replied, he would if I asked), that was the point I can’t kept it inside me anymore, and I admitted having feelings for him over Whatsapp. But after I told him, he just told me he actually knew it, and did not have much reaction, and we were as usual, however during conversation he said something rather mean, and I was very angry over it. The next day he waited for me over lunch, kept messaging where I was, I told him to forget it I don’t need any apology, and he insisted that I go to one of the meeting room and he will wait there til I appear, even in the midst, I saw a client looking for him, I told him but he insisted he will still wait for me to appear and apologise to me first. And I had the most sincere apology ever, and I forgave him.
After that we were still close friends, he never kept his distance from me, despite knowing my feelings. In May last year, we were eating, and then he said I need not think about anything else, I can just focus on my boyfriend, and God. I felt angry and after that I sent him a message telling him that no matter how much I like him, I would never leave my boyfriend because he is the one with me through thick and thin, and asked him not to think too much and I will still ask him for help. After that he replied he never think that way, and he replied yes he knows that I will never leave my boyfriend.
In June last year I have a quarrel with my boyfriend’s family and I told my colleagues. He also knew what happened and he kept asking me to move back home and review my relationship. He was very concerned even told me about future what happens if my boyfriend cant accept my depression, buying flat isn’t so easy, then if there is something bad happened my boyfriend is going to blame me) when I just telling him about my problem. Once, he messaged me if im still in office, and I said yes, he said I drop by to visit you and he sat beside me and chatted with me for a quite long time before he headed home.
I told him to treat me nasty so that I can drop my feelings, but he told me he don’t bear to do that. Over the next few months, My feelings for him became deeper and emotionally very dependent on him as he was still treating me nice and helping me out a lot. However due to my sensitivity maybe due to the fact that I confessed I kept feeling things were different in the way he treated me and felt that he was not chatting with me as much, and started blaming him, or question him in Whatsapp (eg. why don’t you ask me for dinner anymore? Why wont you chat with me like last time or why is your reply like “icic”) and when he explained I cant accept and will debate with him over Whatsapp. When we debate initially, he will try to explain his stand (eg. im overall not a talkative person, its normal, so do you expect me to always ask you for dinner? I still come over visit you when im available) these kind of answers. But I find it hard to accept, because he was giving me a lot attention and constantly replying me previously, I kept on having the thought that it must be because I confessed and blamed him, and expecting him to behave the same.
Many times he would ask me to stop talking about this kind of conversation, else it would lead to quarrel, but most of the time I wont stop, or I stop and the next few days I would question him all over again, because I felt it changed, and I want back the same attention, since he insisted it wasn’t because I confessed to him. These went on for several months, he still reply me but he is getting more impatient, and would always ask me to stop whenever I talk about how I feel or the way he is treating me. Slowly he changed our status from close friend to friend. He is still helpful and replied me about matters at work and willing to talk to me. Due to our constant debating on Whatsapp he told me he prefer to talk face-to-face instead, since we always disagree. I decreased the frequency of questioning except messaging about random stuff or asking for help (July last year to October).
Sometime in September last year, when we were out In sports, the rest were much ahead, I squatted down to tie my shoelace he sort of stood in the middle not joining the rest but not too close to me, making it not obvious but he was looking out for me and waiting for me. That period of time we weren’t as close as before already but still on talking terms. He need not do that right since he always don’t want to give me the impression that he likes me.
When I knew that im going to leave the company soon in November last year, and also some of my colleagues who knew that I have feelings for him told me that even if he does likes me, he cant tell me, because he is not supposed to, and also I already have a boyfriend (he is a very devoted Christian). I started thinking over those things he said which mislead me and start asking questions again, because in my mind I just want be sure whether he did have any feelings for me because I never want to miss a chance. Somewhere in august last year onwards, he has been telling me he felt emotionally cringed by me, and felt uncomfortable, emotionally drained. Sometimes over message, he said he felt hurt over what I said of him and then I asked why would he feel hurt if he have no feelings for me, I said im heartpain he said he is too he said he is still a human being with feelings, when asked what type of feelings he said is angry, frustration, heartpain. When I asked him to explain what type of uncomfortable, he said he cant explain. Then I asked is it hate, is it dislike, is it scare, he said no to all, but he replied he don’t know how to explain in my precise level.
Once, im talking to him face to face, and I asked him why just by asking some questions over Whatsapp can he feel so cringed, im not cringing to him physically, and if I did, wont he run? He replied something which surprised me, as if in a way that he replied too quickly, he said if you cringe to me, what if I became soft-hearted, and we develop how? Later on when I get him to explain why would he say something like that if he said he has no interest in me, he kept saying that is just an example, there might be a possibility but its still overall an example. Since October, he has told me he is only willing to go out with me in group, I tried to bargain and being very desperate and persuaded him to change his mind, but he wont. And then in Dec, we went on 1 day trip with co-workers, he is rather cold to me, and abit avoiding, I dare not approach him much but at times when I look at things he will talk to me casually, and then I asked him for a private discussion because he was sitting beside me. So that time I tried asking him to re-consider if he can to make our situation so bad, and if there is a possibility we can still come out alone, he sticked to his principle however at one moment his eyes gave me a look that seemed forced like he almost wanted to give in or really he don’t wish to be like this that kind of look. I stopped asking him about anything after the trip, and did not message him much anymore as I set my heart to stop asking him anything. Except during CNY in Jan this year I sent him a CNY greeting. Somehow I realised he did not appear online totally. Then I found out he actually blocked me. I felt very angry because I already stopped asking him anything over msg, and I asked him and he told me he blocked me is after the trip, but im very angry when why I stopped asking him anything already he had to block me. In Jan this year, I tried to ask him why would he do that, he just told me he had to do that, I tried explaining I already stopped but he did not know because he already blocked me, even pleading him not to do so, because I was devastated, but he would not give in, and insisted he had to do so, and some point he said see how, next he became very firm again. He said he had no confidence that I would not ask him those stuff again, no matter how I promised. And then in March, once he came back office (he relocated elsewhere since Dec last year), I msged him that I need to talk to him, he said a quick one, and asked me what time, then I kept changing my timing a few times, giving reasons (real) as im busy at the moment, the last time I changed was I need to pack something with my colleague and I cant just leave it and go talk to him, it will seem irresponsible. And then he did waited abit, and then before he went off, he actually came into my office, normally he would leaves straight from the other unit, apparently he came in doing nothing much, glanced around abit but not doing so obviously and just said bye to some colleagues who were still around and left (normally he don’t do that). That gave me a feeling he just came in to see if im telling the truth. Another instance was we were seated together for a company meal, he was opposite me across the table. We weren’t really exchanging much eye contact, except one instance I was glancing around with my random stealing quick glares at him. I suddenly noticed that he was looking at me in the eye, and I was certain we had eye contact, when he saw that I saw that he looked at me, still he did not shifted his glance, we locked glance for what was like about 10sec, and I looked away because it was too long, and I was embarrassed. I was quite certain he was looking at me, because behind me also nothing much, no pretty ladies also.
During my last week at my company, he actually appeared twice that week and came on my last day, which I was shocked(normally he seldom comes back after relocation, the most only once every two weeks), it maybe coincidence. I last saw him a company dinner 2-3 weeks ago, and I have since left the company. My ex-colleague who is with him at the relocated office has asked me to visit them and have lunch together, but I have not went down since. I last SMS him asking on 17-March did my colleague who went off with him asked him anything, because we were talking in the meeting room quite loudly, my final asking him if he can don’t made until we cant be friends anymore, the outcome is still the same. Luckily he replied, which I thought he wont, that he just told her he wished me the best, that’s all. My last SMS to him was last Friday, informing him that I would like to treat him and another colleague to a meal, and the following morning he replied”thank you for the treat, sorry but I have to decline your treat”. Then I replied few hours later, asking “why do you hate me so much””I sincerely wanted to treat you and another colleague for your niceness and help, it’s a one time thing, why wont you accept” and he replied that “Because he don’t deserve such treat”, next I took many hours before I replied, sending 2-3 messages asking why, even telling him if not he can pay for it himself, over a span of 1 SMS per day, but no reply anymore. I became very sad and devastated after that, even thinking of killing myself, at the thought of being unable to communicate with him anymore.
I really like him a lot, and he was nice and gave me a lot of emotional support previously, but I did not took that for granted, instead I was being emotional, and kept asking him so many questions, or telling him with how I felt. But I have never once asked him to be together with me once, I also told him that. I just want him to know how hurt I felt, when he downgraded our friendship, or when he stopped chatting with me or when he told me we can only come out in groups. But my intention was never to ask him to be with me, because im still with my boyfriend, I just wanted to know if he had any real feelings for me, or he was hiding, and If I can be sure, I will leave my boyfriend for him because I like him alot. I know im selfish. Im still blocked on his Whatsapp.
I have many questions on mind, is he avoiding me and harsh to me because like what he said (but don’t admit) he is afraid that when I cringed to him, he will fall for me, and he is not supposed to (he suggested many times for me to breakup with my boyfriend/review my relationship when I mentioned about my rs, because I have a boyfriend (but I doubt this is the case but im thinking is there a possibility after his shocking reply on the cringing part), or is he playing mind games? Is he forcing me to leave my boyfriend by ignoring, since I did not leave despite him telling me to leave many times(indirectly by implying on my poor rs)? (Again, it might be me over-thinking) or is it because he really felt cringed and really dislike me and find me irritating and hope that I get out of his life (maybe this more of the case, but I did not question him as much as like I did the initial few months, why did his treatment suddenly turn so harsh in Dec, when I already stopped?). No matter if he likes me or he doesn’t like me (it is not so crucial for me), but I really hope to be in contact with him just as a friend, nothing more. He has made me so devastated due to the state where I think if he were really to totally cut contact with me forever, I would die, with this thought, I wanted to do stupid things to myself, because I still like him a lot. I thought to myself this is already so painful, never would I dare to be with him, because if we were really to go into a rs, if he breakup with me, I would feel so painful and have to go through it again, so I really mean it I don’t intent to be with him, just stay friends forever. I only wish for us to be great friends like before, and will not harbour any feelings on him again, but he never believe me anymore, he told me he don’t have confidence that I will stop asking the last time.
My mind is very lost, I have a few ideas in my mind but I don’t know what to do, pls advise me which alternative should I take? I am holding back, I want to get your opinion before I proceed with any action, because I am really scare I would ruin it again, and he might avoid me totally.
A. I keep fighting the urge to email him a letter and tell him I feel, how depressed I am, and previously a friend of mine was angry with me and ignored me for a year, I told him that too, in our initial chatting, that he is putting me through the same thing. Wanting to tell him with him doing that, I totally unable to move on in life, because of the sadness. But thinking even when I face to face pleaded with him almost to the extent of kneeling down and begging in, he also wont give in and sticked to his stand, and kept insisting that even though he know im suffering, he wont do anything which he is uncomfortable, that is so painful to hear, yet I still cant let go of him, made me think even I write the letter I am not sure if he will compromise abit. I also feel like telling him, I don’t mind him not wanting to meet me yet, not able to unblock me on Whatsapp yet, all I ask is that when sometimes I randomly SMS him casually, he can reply, to make me feel we don’t totally cut contact that’s all. My plan is to let him know that as time goes on, he can really see that im not clinging onto him emotionally just treating him as a friend, and gradually he will accept back our friendship. Im afraid if I emailed him, he don’t reply, my pain will increase a lot, that’s what holding me back.
B. NC with him for several months (how many months should I take?) and try to slowly contact him back. But do you think this will work, will we ever be friends again if I never contact him for few months, or even by doing so, its useless? But even for NC in rs can work, wheareas in my case, its not even a rs, it should work easier right? Or is it harder, since he felt so cringed by me? But its really really very hard to do so, everytime he is on my mind, I hardly can do anything, I am struggling with my life even, im totally obsessed with him. Make myself be a changed person, confident, pretty, and not emotional.
I read every single comment all the NC seems to work, no matter how bad the rs became. Will mine even work, since its not a rs to begin with, and the guy feels so clinged. Sad ;( it seems hopless right?
C. Find a job near where he worked, and occasionally meet my ex-colleagues up for lunch (not sure if he will join), gradually we can be friends, since I don’t think he hate me or afraid of me to that extent, but I wont know since he suddenly (recent few months) became so uncomfortable with me.
Or maybe just meet my ex-colleagues and avoiding him, making sure he wont join, like avoiding him, will that work better?
D. In my most desperate approach, which was what I really felt like doing, whenever I think that we could no longer be in touch again, or forever he wont care about me anymore, I really felt like slashing my wrist, and be warded in the hospital, and inform him, hopefully he will visit me in hospital, and then pleaded with him. I really am very depressed when I think of him ignoring me, and I wish I could tell him, and he would spare a thought for my feelings like he used to.
E. Wait for him off work, and plead with him face to face again, telling him how depressed I feel, crying, how hard I find it to move on, pleaded with him to help me with my emotional state (my colleagues are concerned about me as I have depression and he used to care a lot always, advising me to call depression hotline when previously Im depressed over my boyfriend’s matter). Im afraid it wont work and next time he will totally avoid when he see me near his workplace. He ever told me don’t do the avoid thing when I told him I wanted to avoid him previously when im angry.
I know im lousy, emotional and don’t act decent since I already have a boyfriend, but I did not want to fall for him in the first place, its because my emotional state is very weak. He is the love of my life, I really hope to get him back in contact again, without avoiding me. That’s all I asked.
Pls advise what should I do as I do not wish to take the wrong alternative, and totally spoil any chance of us ever contacting back again, pls help thanks. If you don’t mind, can I send you my Whatsapp conversation with him, so that you can help me analyse? I will cut away those irrelevant portions.
Sorry for such a long post. Look forward to a detailed plan from you to get him back. Thanks Kevin.
Hey,
Boy you weren't kidding when you said your message can be lengthy.
Before I answer, I want to tell you that I just skimmed through the whole thing to just get an idea of your situation. But I did read the part where you mention your options as I think that's really the most important. I hope you understand since I have a lot of comments to answer and if you have more questions you can ask me again.
I'll highly recommend that you choose option B. Apply no contact, at least for two months before getting back in touch with him. I know it wasn't really a relationship but from what I read, you did act needy and desperate. No contact will benefit you just like it does everyone else. The main objective of no contact is to help you accept the breakup and realize that you don't need your ex in your life to be happy. And I think that is the most important thing that you need right now. I will recommend that you keep no contact for as long as necessary to achieve that objective.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and reading the very long post. Sorry i had to type put everything because i need your help to get the full picture, but apparently its kinda hard. The main thing im very concerned is that could there be a possibility that he actually likes me (or has some feelings for me) but is purposely setting a distance between us because he knew that i wont leave my boyfriend, and him being a very devoted christian, will also never reveal feelings or try to snatch other's girlfriend.
Did you read the part i mentioned, asking him if i cling to him how, and he shockingly replied "if you cling to mei became soft-hearted, and we develop how?later on, i kept asking him but he said there is such a possibility, he wont deny that, but what he was stating is just an example. If a guy have no feelings, would he say something impossible? What do you think? I am not a thick skinned girl, somehow i feel he might have feelings because while talking to a colleague seated between us (me left of the colleague him right of the colleague), when the colleague talks, he supposed to be looking at the colleague, but i can feel his eyes attention overshot the colleague and is towards me actually, because i also turning to look at my colleague. (maybe im sensitive) but somehow a girl does have some instinct but there is no sure way to tell.
because i read some comments here that the guy actually loves the girl, but can still end up doing very mean things to her like avoiding her etc. Just dont wish to miss that real love which could have blossomed, but spoil by us unknowingly doing stupid things (me unwilling to leave my boyfriend and kept asking him and find out from any feelings to push him away) and him pushing me away (for fear that we will develop but i have a boyfriend).
Otherwise, if he really have no interest, i just hope that we can remain as good friends (but he sorta cut off personal contact although still reply some sms but not all), and im so depressed, and i dare not find him because i dont wan him to avoid me even further. And also is it possible i can send you our txt conversation for you to help analyse? Thanks for taking the effort to read through once again, you are doing a great job here!
Hey Jacelyn,
Is it possible for you to break up with your boyfriend? If so, do it. Your boyfriend also deserves someone who is 100% devoted to him and you also deserve to be with someone you can be 100% devoted to. After that, he will probably make a move.
Sorry left out this, do you think its better i write him a apology letter now and then leave him alone for few months, or do i do that after 3 months of NC?
For my friend, i also sent her a apology letter one year later (stating that i have depression and i dont meant to treat her that way), which i thought she might have forgave me if i done so earlier. But for the guy its not so easy, because i have tried while i was still in my ex-company (jan-march) a few times face to face asking him not to block me, and not making things turn until like this, even telling him i would kneel down, but he said even if i knelt down its still the same. So hurt! but he said we still can meet up in groups, and i said its not so easy anymore, since i would have left the company, and he said its me that always think that, but its still can be done.He just dont wish to meet on 1-to-1, or personal level. So hurt! i kept explaining that although i like him, but i have never done anything to him, except telling him my feelings, and asking him for talks. And i already stopped before he blocked me on Whatsapp in dec. Is it really gone case?He seems to really dislike me but he said not that when i asked.
I'll recommend you write the apology letter after you've learned to be happy without him in your life.
I'll recommend you write the apology letter after you've learned to be happy without him in your life.
I'll recommend you write the apology letter after you've learned to be happy without him in your life.
I'll recommend you write the apology letter after you've learned to be happy without him in your life.
I'll recommend you write the apology letter after you've learned to be happy without him in your life.
I'll recommend you write the apology letter after you've learned to be happy without him in your life.
And also to add, i just want a loving boyfriend, and to be platonic friends with the guy again (i dare not think of being together with him, although i like him alot, i dont think i am the type he wants so i never ever harbour much ever).
Kevin, can i also ask if love spells really works, as i read alot of people posting such when i read articles on relationships.
You know when i am browsing facebook, i see everyone leading happy lifes, almost everyone around me, even my ex-colleagues. How i wish i have a happy life like that, if situation allows, i wouldnt want to be depressed.
But it seems like everytime people just get angry with me or dislike me, i hate that too. Do you think the guy is angry with me?
I read also sometimes there is a reason that they block someone, is there feelings involved, thats why need to block? Im being blocked on his Whatsapp. Do you think if i go over to lead a happy life, and leave him alone, many months down the road we can connect back? But he ever told me, no he will only meet out in groups (that doesnt really matter so much now) but i just hope we still can connect back slowly as a friend through text, even not meeting out im fine. Like i say, i just want the friendship back, like my friend. I think he is alright to meet out in group, with my ex-colleagues, i am supposed to meet them up for lunch but have not done so.
Pls tell me what should i do? Do you think it can be done if i go and find him together with my another female colleague (we are quite close and she knows about my liking, but she told me what he did is right ;( ) and tell them my problem ask them to help? if not i really cant move on feeling sad.
But he ever told me this, even though he knows im feeling sad, but he would not do anything to oblige his uncomfortableness. Thinking of this really hurts, which makes me have the thought to hurt myself. I know he is really not worth it, but its like a curse that i cant get out of, due to the great amount of emotional support he given me over the months. i know for my case its transference of feelings, and i read it can be very strong. if i go the extend of begging will that help? I just want us slowly to connect back(of course i dare not emotionally bombard him again), i dont need him to meet me or immediately be my friend.How can i achieve that?
Is it harder for relationship or in my case when i totally (piss?scare? he said no to both, he just said uncomfortable) made him feel so emotionally clinged (this what he said?). Remember he said "if you clinge to me, and if im soft hearted, and we develop?) sometimes i still think why would he said that? does it mean if i go look for him alot he will soft hearted? But he has blocked me since dec and still blocking me. I only normal sms him (in early april) to treat him, but he declined (first sms), state that he did not deserve (second sms), sequently smsed him why he dont deserve no reply to my next few msg, and then i stopped.
im thinking should i really harm myself (i know you would advise against this) but i would do it, if it can stir any bit of feelings or pityness from him. Because he really did felt for me in the start, why did things turn so bad?
He even went to googled to read on depression, and when i told about my sadness, he said he understand i asked why, he said because he put himself in my shoe. a really very close friend, nobody has done that to me.
Hey Jacelyn,
I know you feel like you can't be happy without him, but the only way to have him back in your life is to be happy without him. You need to apply no contact and start making positive changes in your life. Take one small step at a time. Pick up a new hobby, start going to the gym, go out with friends etc. Do something everyday to make you feel better. And eventually, you will realize that you have become a happy person. If you are open to it, I think individual therapy will help you as well. Just going and talking to a therapist about your feelings and seeking advise from them will help you reach happiness in your life.
And no love spells don't work. Don't waste your time and money on them.
Hey Jacelyn,
I know you feel like you can't be happy without him, but the only way to have him back in your life is to be happy without him. You need to apply no contact and start making positive changes in your life. Take one small step at a time. Pick up a new hobby, start going to the gym, go out with friends etc. Do something everyday to make you feel better. And eventually, you will realize that you have become a happy person. If you are open to it, I think individual therapy will help you as well. Just going and talking to a therapist about your feelings and seeking advise from them will help you reach happiness in your life.
And no love spells don't work. Don't waste your time and money on them.
Hey Jacelyn,
I know you feel like you can't be happy without him, but the only way to have him back in your life is to be happy without him. You need to apply no contact and start making positive changes in your life. Take one small step at a time. Pick up a new hobby, start going to the gym, go out with friends etc. Do something everyday to make you feel better. And eventually, you will realize that you have become a happy person. If you are open to it, I think individual therapy will help you as well. Just going and talking to a therapist about your feelings and seeking advise from them will help you reach happiness in your life.
And no love spells don't work. Don't waste your time and money on them.
Hey Jacelyn,
I know you feel like you can't be happy without him, but the only way to have him back in your life is to be happy without him. You need to apply no contact and start making positive changes in your life. Take one small step at a time. Pick up a new hobby, start going to the gym, go out with friends etc. Do something everyday to make you feel better. And eventually, you will realize that you have become a happy person. If you are open to it, I think individual therapy will help you as well. Just going and talking to a therapist about your feelings and seeking advise from them will help you reach happiness in your life.
And no love spells don't work. Don't waste your time and money on them.
Hey Jacelyn,
I know you feel like you can't be happy without him, but the only way to have him back in your life is to be happy without him. You need to apply no contact and start making positive changes in your life. Take one small step at a time. Pick up a new hobby, start going to the gym, go out with friends etc. Do something everyday to make you feel better. And eventually, you will realize that you have become a happy person. If you are open to it, I think individual therapy will help you as well. Just going and talking to a therapist about your feelings and seeking advise from them will help you reach happiness in your life.
And no love spells don't work. Don't waste your time and money on them.
Hey Jacelyn,
I know you feel like you can't be happy without him, but the only way to have him back in your life is to be happy without him. You need to apply no contact and start making positive changes in your life. Take one small step at a time. Pick up a new hobby, start going to the gym, go out with friends etc. Do something everyday to make you feel better. And eventually, you will realize that you have become a happy person. If you are open to it, I think individual therapy will help you as well. Just going and talking to a therapist about your feelings and seeking advise from them will help you reach happiness in your life.
And no love spells don't work. Don't waste your time and money on them.
Hi Kevin,
I know you meant well for me, and really thanks so much for the comprehensive reply. You mentioned that i hope to get the guy back, with the hope of a future relationship, but that wasnt my aim. I read through our previous conversation, he was nice to me throughout, offering me alot of emotional support as a friend, and mentor at work, even after i confessed he was still very nice. But i messed it all up, often being emotional and questioning him and telling him how terrible i feel having to like him, blaming him for being nice which caused me to like him (all these happened many times), yet he still patiently explained to me, slowly setting boundaries. And yes relationships (friendship any kind of close relationship) is very important to me. 2 years back, my long time friend was angry with me not appreciating her effort for introducing job to me, that she totally cut off contact for 1 whole year (she got married and gave birth during that period), i was constantly depressed and guilty. So for the guy, i really felt the same way, and i felt painful because he knew i have depression, in the initial few months, he was the one already giving me emotional support through text, but its ironic now he can totally cut me off and dont care how depressed i feel. The thing is he cut me the time is when i already decided and stopped questioning in Dec, which i really dont understand.
I really find it hard to move on in my life, i just wanted him back as a friend only, i can wait, but i just hope that one day i can chat back with him again like we used to do so, thats all. Im afraid once i moved on, we will distance to such a stage, where if next time i suddenly initiate contact with him it be so odd, as if he will be very cold, then how? If i know for sure that we can still slowly become friends back for sure, if it takes 6months or 1year i dont mind leaving him alone, but what if i contact him back again and he is still cold to me?shouldnt i explain now then to explain 6months later which will be so odd? i feel like asking for him to help me along, because i really have a hard time moving on, especially the rs with my bf now is terrible. What i want is just being able to move on, not have this pain and guilt that a friend befriended me, this type of pain, nothing to do with wanting to be with him.
But im really afraid any wrong move now would spoil my chance of ever getting in contact with him back again. Sometimes, i really feel like cutting myself, and land in hospital due to the emotional pain im going through, no matter how i put if off it comes back to me after sometime, but these few days im not so sad, i wonder why is it being i got over, but the pain is still there i knew it somewhere in my heart, just not that sad anymore.
As for my boyfriend, its terrible too, he is like shutting down on me. Sometimes i really wish like leaving him, but i knew i cant do it, because i the type of emotional cant let go kind, even though last time my ex physically abused me i have a hard time to leave him. my brain tells me to leave him, but my heart cant do so. Other than asking me to living room to eat dinner he is totally ignoring me. I read about the types of love style (something called insecure avoidant?i cant recall exactly), where they fulfil their own emotional needs (due to the way they are brought up) and cant understand others emotional needs. He is exactly this type. No matter how i asked like was he angry with something, why wont he talk to me, why cant we be like last time, he just wont reply me, he just go about using his iphone (his daily tasks) everyday when he knock off from work. last time he would go every where with me, if i wanted, and be more responsive. Im really afraid he is throwing our rs away. I am really tired. I really feel like going back home and totally ignore him for 1 month, do you think this will make him open up to me again?
The previous time i went back (we were not so bad state now) home for 1-2 days, he even wanted to go over to look for, and then i told him no need.At that time, i still have the guy as a close friend (which he always telling me to move back home), and my boyfriend concern. Now i totally feel like i lost both, which makes me feel more painful.
I just want to move on but what the both of them is treating me is making me emotional painful, i cant move on in my life. what should i do?
Hey,
If you really want him as a friend, then you should give him some space (at least 2-3 months) and then get back in touch with him. I am pretty sure he will accept your friendship and would get back in touch with you. As for your boyfriend, I don't think you can do anything unless he is ready to put in some effort. Did you talk to him about getting couples counseling? If he still refuses, tell him what you expect from him and what you need in the relationship and if he can't provide you with that then you will leave him. If he still doesn't make any effort, then apply no contact.
Hey,
If you really want him as a friend, then you should give him some space (at least 2-3 months) and then get back in touch with him. I am pretty sure he will accept your friendship and would get back in touch with you. As for your boyfriend, I don't think you can do anything unless he is ready to put in some effort. Did you talk to him about getting couples counseling? If he still refuses, tell him what you expect from him and what you need in the relationship and if he can't provide you with that then you will leave him. If he still doesn't make any effort, then apply no contact.
Hey,
If you really want him as a friend, then you should give him some space (at least 2-3 months) and then get back in touch with him. I am pretty sure he will accept your friendship and would get back in touch with you. As for your boyfriend, I don't think you can do anything unless he is ready to put in some effort. Did you talk to him about getting couples counseling? If he still refuses, tell him what you expect from him and what you need in the relationship and if he can't provide you with that then you will leave him. If he still doesn't make any effort, then apply no contact.
Hey,
If you really want him as a friend, then you should give him some space (at least 2-3 months) and then get back in touch with him. I am pretty sure he will accept your friendship and would get back in touch with you. As for your boyfriend, I don't think you can do anything unless he is ready to put in some effort. Did you talk to him about getting couples counseling? If he still refuses, tell him what you expect from him and what you need in the relationship and if he can't provide you with that then you will leave him. If he still doesn't make any effort, then apply no contact.
Hey,
If you really want him as a friend, then you should give him some space (at least 2-3 months) and then get back in touch with him. I am pretty sure he will accept your friendship and would get back in touch with you. As for your boyfriend, I don't think you can do anything unless he is ready to put in some effort. Did you talk to him about getting couples counseling? If he still refuses, tell him what you expect from him and what you need in the relationship and if he can't provide you with that then you will leave him. If he still doesn't make any effort, then apply no contact.
Hey,
If you really want him as a friend, then you should give him some space (at least 2-3 months) and then get back in touch with him. I am pretty sure he will accept your friendship and would get back in touch with you. As for your boyfriend, I don't think you can do anything unless he is ready to put in some effort. Did you talk to him about getting couples counseling? If he still refuses, tell him what you expect from him and what you need in the relationship and if he can't provide you with that then you will leave him. If he still doesn't make any effort, then apply no contact.
Hi Kevin,
So based on what you replied, you think that the guy likes me? But he has told me once when we were angry with each other that he has no interest in me. Please tell me what you think?
Its very hard for me to leave my boyfriend, because we have been together for 5 years plus (longest relationship) and im not young anymore. Although many times i feel like leaving and find a quality love rs. Last year June, i quarreled with his family it got so bad im chased out, and the guy told me many times to move back home and reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend, but i did not, although that time i already liked the guy, i was not prepared to sacrifice my long rs and i cant move back home that time, because i just started moving in with my boyfriend which was my wish for many years, due to my home situation.
My boyfriend is the type who always aloof, and dont communicate much, not loving, that is the way he is from day one, but we were not that bad, we are more of like a companion. Before i joined the company (1 year ago) and getting all busy with the guy, work and my colleagues, we were still alright, he would fetch me, we still get involved sexually, and he still goes alot of places with me, not so bad. Now, practically my boyfriend comes home just playing his iphone and doing his stuff, we are practically individuals doing our stuff, and he do not even approach me at all, its that bad. To the extent he even dislike me touching him, and getting close to him. Not sure if its due to me trying to make him jealous previously by mentioning about the guy.
I dont wish to come to a stage where i lose my boyfriend and lose the guy, without knowing if he have any feelings for me. (thats why i did not breakup with my boyfriend previously even the guy has told me to do so)
Actually now, i only want the guy back as a friend, thats all, because im also not sure if we are suitable to be together, but i do feel a strong friendship previously which could have blossomed into love, if i handled everything well.
Last question, will the relationship rewind be of help to the situation me and my boyfriend are facing? Thanks Kevin.
Hey Jacelyn,
I think relationship rewind can help your current situation with your boyfriend. However, if you want to fix your current relationship with your boyfriend, then I'll suggest you seek couples therapy. It'll be a lot more effective than relationship rewind. As for the other guy, you have to be honest with yourself. Do you want him as a friend? If so, you wouldn't be so desperate to have him in your life. When people lose friends, they don't get as scared as you are right now. I think you want him as a friend just so you can have a possibility of starting a romantic relationship with him sometime in the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, choose someone. Either your boyfriend or the other guy. If you choose your boyfriend, then you should be completely committed to making the relationship work with him. And you should forget about the other guy and cut all contact with him forever.
If you choose the other guy. break up with your current boyfriend. I know it's scary, but that relationship is keeping you from finding happiness in your life. You deserve a quality relationship. You deserve, love respect and admiration. Even if things don't work out with the other guy, you can still find love and happiness.
I don't believe age is a big factor in this day and age. There are so many ways to meet new people in your age group. I can guarantee you that there are a lot of single guys in your age group who are looking for someone like you to love and admire. I know it's scary to be single again after 5 years, but it's definitely going to be better than the situation you are in now.
Hey Jacelyn,
I think relationship rewind can help your current situation with your boyfriend. However, if you want to fix your current relationship with your boyfriend, then I'll suggest you seek couples therapy. It'll be a lot more effective than relationship rewind. As for the other guy, you have to be honest with yourself. Do you want him as a friend? If so, you wouldn't be so desperate to have him in your life. When people lose friends, they don't get as scared as you are right now. I think you want him as a friend just so you can have a possibility of starting a romantic relationship with him sometime in the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, choose someone. Either your boyfriend or the other guy. If you choose your boyfriend, then you should be completely committed to making the relationship work with him. And you should forget about the other guy and cut all contact with him forever.
If you choose the other guy. break up with your current boyfriend. I know it's scary, but that relationship is keeping you from finding happiness in your life. You deserve a quality relationship. You deserve, love respect and admiration. Even if things don't work out with the other guy, you can still find love and happiness.
I don't believe age is a big factor in this day and age. There are so many ways to meet new people in your age group. I can guarantee you that there are a lot of single guys in your age group who are looking for someone like you to love and admire. I know it's scary to be single again after 5 years, but it's definitely going to be better than the situation you are in now.
Hey Jacelyn,
I think relationship rewind can help your current situation with your boyfriend. However, if you want to fix your current relationship with your boyfriend, then I'll suggest you seek couples therapy. It'll be a lot more effective than relationship rewind. As for the other guy, you have to be honest with yourself. Do you want him as a friend? If so, you wouldn't be so desperate to have him in your life. When people lose friends, they don't get as scared as you are right now. I think you want him as a friend just so you can have a possibility of starting a romantic relationship with him sometime in the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, choose someone. Either your boyfriend or the other guy. If you choose your boyfriend, then you should be completely committed to making the relationship work with him. And you should forget about the other guy and cut all contact with him forever.
If you choose the other guy. break up with your current boyfriend. I know it's scary, but that relationship is keeping you from finding happiness in your life. You deserve a quality relationship. You deserve, love respect and admiration. Even if things don't work out with the other guy, you can still find love and happiness.
I don't believe age is a big factor in this day and age. There are so many ways to meet new people in your age group. I can guarantee you that there are a lot of single guys in your age group who are looking for someone like you to love and admire. I know it's scary to be single again after 5 years, but it's definitely going to be better than the situation you are in now.
Hey Jacelyn,
I think relationship rewind can help your current situation with your boyfriend. However, if you want to fix your current relationship with your boyfriend, then I'll suggest you seek couples therapy. It'll be a lot more effective than relationship rewind. As for the other guy, you have to be honest with yourself. Do you want him as a friend? If so, you wouldn't be so desperate to have him in your life. When people lose friends, they don't get as scared as you are right now. I think you want him as a friend just so you can have a possibility of starting a romantic relationship with him sometime in the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, choose someone. Either your boyfriend or the other guy. If you choose your boyfriend, then you should be completely committed to making the relationship work with him. And you should forget about the other guy and cut all contact with him forever.
If you choose the other guy. break up with your current boyfriend. I know it's scary, but that relationship is keeping you from finding happiness in your life. You deserve a quality relationship. You deserve, love respect and admiration. Even if things don't work out with the other guy, you can still find love and happiness.
I don't believe age is a big factor in this day and age. There are so many ways to meet new people in your age group. I can guarantee you that there are a lot of single guys in your age group who are looking for someone like you to love and admire. I know it's scary to be single again after 5 years, but it's definitely going to be better than the situation you are in now.
Hey Jacelyn,
I think relationship rewind can help your current situation with your boyfriend. However, if you want to fix your current relationship with your boyfriend, then I'll suggest you seek couples therapy. It'll be a lot more effective than relationship rewind. As for the other guy, you have to be honest with yourself. Do you want him as a friend? If so, you wouldn't be so desperate to have him in your life. When people lose friends, they don't get as scared as you are right now. I think you want him as a friend just so you can have a possibility of starting a romantic relationship with him sometime in the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, choose someone. Either your boyfriend or the other guy. If you choose your boyfriend, then you should be completely committed to making the relationship work with him. And you should forget about the other guy and cut all contact with him forever.
If you choose the other guy. break up with your current boyfriend. I know it's scary, but that relationship is keeping you from finding happiness in your life. You deserve a quality relationship. You deserve, love respect and admiration. Even if things don't work out with the other guy, you can still find love and happiness.
I don't believe age is a big factor in this day and age. There are so many ways to meet new people in your age group. I can guarantee you that there are a lot of single guys in your age group who are looking for someone like you to love and admire. I know it's scary to be single again after 5 years, but it's definitely going to be better than the situation you are in now.
Hey Jacelyn,
I think relationship rewind can help your current situation with your boyfriend. However, if you want to fix your current relationship with your boyfriend, then I'll suggest you seek couples therapy. It'll be a lot more effective than relationship rewind. As for the other guy, you have to be honest with yourself. Do you want him as a friend? If so, you wouldn't be so desperate to have him in your life. When people lose friends, they don't get as scared as you are right now. I think you want him as a friend just so you can have a possibility of starting a romantic relationship with him sometime in the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, choose someone. Either your boyfriend or the other guy. If you choose your boyfriend, then you should be completely committed to making the relationship work with him. And you should forget about the other guy and cut all contact with him forever.
If you choose the other guy. break up with your current boyfriend. I know it's scary, but that relationship is keeping you from finding happiness in your life. You deserve a quality relationship. You deserve, love respect and admiration. Even if things don't work out with the other guy, you can still find love and happiness.
I don't believe age is a big factor in this day and age. There are so many ways to meet new people in your age group. I can guarantee you that there are a lot of single guys in your age group who are looking for someone like you to love and admire. I know it's scary to be single again after 5 years, but it's definitely going to be better than the situation you are in now.
Sorry left out this, do you think its better i write him a apology letter now and then leave him alone for few months, or do i do that after 3 months of NC?
For my friend, i also sent her a apology letter one year later (stating that i have depression and i dont meant to treat her that way), which i thought she might have forgave me if i done so earlier. But for the guy its not so easy, because i have tried while i was still in my ex-company (jan-march) a few times face to face asking him not to block me, and not making things turn until like this, even telling him i would kneel down, but he said even if i knelt down its still the same. So hurt! but he said we still can meet up in groups, and i said its not so easy anymore, since i would have left the company, and he said its me that always think that, but its still can be done.He just dont wish to meet on 1-to-1, or personal level. So hurt! i kept explaining that although i like him, but i have never done anything to him, except telling him my feelings, and asking him for talks. And i already stopped before he blocked me on Whatsapp in dec. Is it really gone case?He seems to really dislike me but he said not that when i asked.
And also to add, i just want a loving boyfriend, and to be platonic friends with the guy again (i dare not think of being together with him, although i like him alot, i dont think i am the type he wants so i never ever harbour much ever).
Kevin, can i also ask if love spells really works, as i read alot of people posting such when i read articles on relationships.
You know when i am browsing facebook, i see everyone leading happy lifes, almost everyone around me, even my ex-colleagues. How i wish i have a happy life like that, if situation allows, i wouldnt want to be depressed.
But it seems like everytime people just get angry with me or dislike me, i hate that too. Do you think the guy is angry with me?
I read also sometimes there is a reason that they block someone, is there feelings involved, thats why need to block? Im being blocked on his Whatsapp. Do you think if i go over to lead a happy life, and leave him alone, many months down the road we can connect back? But he ever told me, no he will only meet out in groups (that doesnt really matter so much now) but i just hope we still can connect back slowly as a friend through text, even not meeting out im fine. Like i say, i just want the friendship back, like my friend. I think he is alright to meet out in group, with my ex-colleagues, i am supposed to meet them up for lunch but have not done so.
Pls tell me what should i do? Do you think it can be done if i go and find him together with my another female colleague (we are quite close and she knows about my liking, but she told me what he did is right ;( ) and tell them my problem ask them to help? if not i really cant move on feeling sad.
But he ever told me this, even though he knows im feeling sad, but he would not do anything to oblige his uncomfortableness. Thinking of this really hurts, which makes me have the thought to hurt myself. I know he is really not worth it, but its like a curse that i cant get out of, due to the great amount of emotional support he given me over the months. i know for my case its transference of feelings, and i read it can be very strong. if i go the extend of begging will that help? I just want us slowly to connect back(of course i dare not emotionally bombard him again), i dont need him to meet me or immediately be my friend.How can i achieve that?
Is it harder for relationship or in my case when i totally (piss?scare? he said no to both, he just said uncomfortable) made him feel so emotionally clinged (this what he said?). Remember he said "if you clinge to me, and if im soft hearted, and we develop?) sometimes i still think why would he said that? does it mean if i go look for him alot he will soft hearted? But he has blocked me since dec and still blocking me. I only normal sms him (in early april) to treat him, but he declined (first sms), state that he did not deserve (second sms), sequently smsed him why he dont deserve no reply to my next few msg, and then i stopped.
im thinking should i really harm myself (i know you would advise against this) but i would do it, if it can stir any bit of feelings or pityness from him. Because he really did felt for me in the start, why did things turn so bad?
He even went to googled to read on depression, and when i told about my sadness, he said he understand i asked why, he said because he put himself in my shoe. a really very close friend, nobody has done that to me.
Hi Kevin,
I know you meant well for me, and really thanks so much for the comprehensive reply. You mentioned that i hope to get the guy back, with the hope of a future relationship, but that wasnt my aim. I read through our previous conversation, he was nice to me throughout, offering me alot of emotional support as a friend, and mentor at work, even after i confessed he was still very nice. But i messed it all up, often being emotional and questioning him and telling him how terrible i feel having to like him, blaming him for being nice which caused me to like him (all these happened many times), yet he still patiently explained to me, slowly setting boundaries. And yes relationships (friendship any kind of close relationship) is very important to me. 2 years back, my long time friend was angry with me not appreciating her effort for introducing job to me, that she totally cut off contact for 1 whole year (she got married and gave birth during that period), i was constantly depressed and guilty. So for the guy, i really felt the same way, and i felt painful because he knew i have depression, in the initial few months, he was the one already giving me emotional support through text, but its ironic now he can totally cut me off and dont care how depressed i feel. The thing is he cut me the time is when i already decided and stopped questioning in Dec, which i really dont understand.
I really find it hard to move on in my life, i just wanted him back as a friend only, i can wait, but i just hope that one day i can chat back with him again like we used to do so, thats all. Im afraid once i moved on, we will distance to such a stage, where if next time i suddenly initiate contact with him it be so odd, as if he will be very cold, then how? If i know for sure that we can still slowly become friends back for sure, if it takes 6months or 1year i dont mind leaving him alone, but what if i contact him back again and he is still cold to me?shouldnt i explain now then to explain 6months later which will be so odd? i feel like asking for him to help me along, because i really have a hard time moving on, especially the rs with my bf now is terrible. What i want is just being able to move on, not have this pain and guilt that a friend befriended me, this type of pain, nothing to do with wanting to be with him.
But im really afraid any wrong move now would spoil my chance of ever getting in contact with him back again. Sometimes, i really feel like cutting myself, and land in hospital due to the emotional pain im going through, no matter how i put if off it comes back to me after sometime, but these few days im not so sad, i wonder why is it being i got over, but the pain is still there i knew it somewhere in my heart, just not that sad anymore.
As for my boyfriend, its terrible too, he is like shutting down on me. Sometimes i really wish like leaving him, but i knew i cant do it, because i the type of emotional cant let go kind, even though last time my ex physically abused me i have a hard time to leave him. my brain tells me to leave him, but my heart cant do so. Other than asking me to living room to eat dinner he is totally ignoring me. I read about the types of love style (something called insecure avoidant?i cant recall exactly), where they fulfil their own emotional needs (due to the way they are brought up) and cant understand others emotional needs. He is exactly this type. No matter how i asked like was he angry with something, why wont he talk to me, why cant we be like last time, he just wont reply me, he just go about using his iphone (his daily tasks) everyday when he knock off from work. last time he would go every where with me, if i wanted, and be more responsive. Im really afraid he is throwing our rs away. I am really tired. I really feel like going back home and totally ignore him for 1 month, do you think this will make him open up to me again?
The previous time i went back (we were not so bad state now) home for 1-2 days, he even wanted to go over to look for, and then i told him no need.At that time, i still have the guy as a close friend (which he always telling me to move back home), and my boyfriend concern. Now i totally feel like i lost both, which makes me feel more painful.
I just want to move on but what the both of them is treating me is making me emotional painful, i cant move on in my life. what should i do?
Hi Kevin,
So based on what you replied, you think that the guy likes me? But he has told me once when we were angry with each other that he has no interest in me. Please tell me what you think?
Its very hard for me to leave my boyfriend, because we have been together for 5 years plus (longest relationship) and im not young anymore. Although many times i feel like leaving and find a quality love rs. Last year June, i quarreled with his family it got so bad im chased out, and the guy told me many times to move back home and reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend, but i did not, although that time i already liked the guy, i was not prepared to sacrifice my long rs and i cant move back home that time, because i just started moving in with my boyfriend which was my wish for many years, due to my home situation.
My boyfriend is the type who always aloof, and dont communicate much, not loving, that is the way he is from day one, but we were not that bad, we are more of like a companion. Before i joined the company (1 year ago) and getting all busy with the guy, work and my colleagues, we were still alright, he would fetch me, we still get involved sexually, and he still goes alot of places with me, not so bad. Now, practically my boyfriend comes home just playing his iphone and doing his stuff, we are practically individuals doing our stuff, and he do not even approach me at all, its that bad. To the extent he even dislike me touching him, and getting close to him. Not sure if its due to me trying to make him jealous previously by mentioning about the guy.
I dont wish to come to a stage where i lose my boyfriend and lose the guy, without knowing if he have any feelings for me. (thats why i did not breakup with my boyfriend previously even the guy has told me to do so)
Actually now, i only want the guy back as a friend, thats all, because im also not sure if we are suitable to be together, but i do feel a strong friendship previously which could have blossomed into love, if i handled everything well.
Last question, will the relationship rewind be of help to the situation me and my boyfriend are facing? Thanks Kevin.
Sorry left out this, do you think its better i write him a apology letter now and then leave him alone for few months, or do i do that after 3 months of NC?
For my friend, i also sent her a apology letter one year later (stating that i have depression and i dont meant to treat her that way), which i thought she might have forgave me if i done so earlier. But for the guy its not so easy, because i have tried while i was still in my ex-company (jan-march) a few times face to face asking him not to block me, and not making things turn until like this, even telling him i would kneel down, but he said even if i knelt down its still the same. So hurt! but he said we still can meet up in groups, and i said its not so easy anymore, since i would have left the company, and he said its me that always think that, but its still can be done.He just dont wish to meet on 1-to-1, or personal level. So hurt! i kept explaining that although i like him, but i have never done anything to him, except telling him my feelings, and asking him for talks. And i already stopped before he blocked me on Whatsapp in dec. Is it really gone case?He seems to really dislike me but he said not that when i asked.
And also to add, i just want a loving boyfriend, and to be platonic friends with the guy again (i dare not think of being together with him, although i like him alot, i dont think i am the type he wants so i never ever harbour much ever).
Kevin, can i also ask if love spells really works, as i read alot of people posting such when i read articles on relationships.
You know when i am browsing facebook, i see everyone leading happy lifes, almost everyone around me, even my ex-colleagues. How i wish i have a happy life like that, if situation allows, i wouldnt want to be depressed.
But it seems like everytime people just get angry with me or dislike me, i hate that too. Do you think the guy is angry with me?
I read also sometimes there is a reason that they block someone, is there feelings involved, thats why need to block? Im being blocked on his Whatsapp. Do you think if i go over to lead a happy life, and leave him alone, many months down the road we can connect back? But he ever told me, no he will only meet out in groups (that doesnt really matter so much now) but i just hope we still can connect back slowly as a friend through text, even not meeting out im fine. Like i say, i just want the friendship back, like my friend. I think he is alright to meet out in group, with my ex-colleagues, i am supposed to meet them up for lunch but have not done so.
Pls tell me what should i do? Do you think it can be done if i go and find him together with my another female colleague (we are quite close and she knows about my liking, but she told me what he did is right ;( ) and tell them my problem ask them to help? if not i really cant move on feeling sad.
But he ever told me this, even though he knows im feeling sad, but he would not do anything to oblige his uncomfortableness. Thinking of this really hurts, which makes me have the thought to hurt myself. I know he is really not worth it, but its like a curse that i cant get out of, due to the great amount of emotional support he given me over the months. i know for my case its transference of feelings, and i read it can be very strong. if i go the extend of begging will that help? I just want us slowly to connect back(of course i dare not emotionally bombard him again), i dont need him to meet me or immediately be my friend.How can i achieve that?
Is it harder for relationship or in my case when i totally (piss?scare? he said no to both, he just said uncomfortable) made him feel so emotionally clinged (this what he said?). Remember he said "if you clinge to me, and if im soft hearted, and we develop?) sometimes i still think why would he said that? does it mean if i go look for him alot he will soft hearted? But he has blocked me since dec and still blocking me. I only normal sms him (in early april) to treat him, but he declined (first sms), state that he did not deserve (second sms), sequently smsed him why he dont deserve no reply to my next few msg, and then i stopped.
im thinking should i really harm myself (i know you would advise against this) but i would do it, if it can stir any bit of feelings or pityness from him. Because he really did felt for me in the start, why did things turn so bad?
He even went to googled to read on depression, and when i told about my sadness, he said he understand i asked why, he said because he put himself in my shoe. a really very close friend, nobody has done that to me.
Hi Kevin,
I know you meant well for me, and really thanks so much for the comprehensive reply. You mentioned that i hope to get the guy back, with the hope of a future relationship, but that wasnt my aim. I read through our previous conversation, he was nice to me throughout, offering me alot of emotional support as a friend, and mentor at work, even after i confessed he was still very nice. But i messed it all up, often being emotional and questioning him and telling him how terrible i feel having to like him, blaming him for being nice which caused me to like him (all these happened many times), yet he still patiently explained to me, slowly setting boundaries. And yes relationships (friendship any kind of close relationship) is very important to me. 2 years back, my long time friend was angry with me not appreciating her effort for introducing job to me, that she totally cut off contact for 1 whole year (she got married and gave birth during that period), i was constantly depressed and guilty. So for the guy, i really felt the same way, and i felt painful because he knew i have depression, in the initial few months, he was the one already giving me emotional support through text, but its ironic now he can totally cut me off and dont care how depressed i feel. The thing is he cut me the time is when i already decided and stopped questioning in Dec, which i really dont understand.
I really find it hard to move on in my life, i just wanted him back as a friend only, i can wait, but i just hope that one day i can chat back with him again like we used to do so, thats all. Im afraid once i moved on, we will distance to such a stage, where if next time i suddenly initiate contact with him it be so odd, as if he will be very cold, then how? If i know for sure that we can still slowly become friends back for sure, if it takes 6months or 1year i dont mind leaving him alone, but what if i contact him back again and he is still cold to me?shouldnt i explain now then to explain 6months later which will be so odd? i feel like asking for him to help me along, because i really have a hard time moving on, especially the rs with my bf now is terrible. What i want is just being able to move on, not have this pain and guilt that a friend befriended me, this type of pain, nothing to do with wanting to be with him.
But im really afraid any wrong move now would spoil my chance of ever getting in contact with him back again. Sometimes, i really feel like cutting myself, and land in hospital due to the emotional pain im going through, no matter how i put if off it comes back to me after sometime, but these few days im not so sad, i wonder why is it being i got over, but the pain is still there i knew it somewhere in my heart, just not that sad anymore.
As for my boyfriend, its terrible too, he is like shutting down on me. Sometimes i really wish like leaving him, but i knew i cant do it, because i the type of emotional cant let go kind, even though last time my ex physically abused me i have a hard time to leave him. my brain tells me to leave him, but my heart cant do so. Other than asking me to living room to eat dinner he is totally ignoring me. I read about the types of love style (something called insecure avoidant?i cant recall exactly), where they fulfil their own emotional needs (due to the way they are brought up) and cant understand others emotional needs. He is exactly this type. No matter how i asked like was he angry with something, why wont he talk to me, why cant we be like last time, he just wont reply me, he just go about using his iphone (his daily tasks) everyday when he knock off from work. last time he would go every where with me, if i wanted, and be more responsive. Im really afraid he is throwing our rs away. I am really tired. I really feel like going back home and totally ignore him for 1 month, do you think this will make him open up to me again?
The previous time i went back (we were not so bad state now) home for 1-2 days, he even wanted to go over to look for, and then i told him no need.At that time, i still have the guy as a close friend (which he always telling me to move back home), and my boyfriend concern. Now i totally feel like i lost both, which makes me feel more painful.
I just want to move on but what the both of them is treating me is making me emotional painful, i cant move on in my life. what should i do?
Hi Kevin,
So based on what you replied, you think that the guy likes me? But he has told me once when we were angry with each other that he has no interest in me. Please tell me what you think?
Its very hard for me to leave my boyfriend, because we have been together for 5 years plus (longest relationship) and im not young anymore. Although many times i feel like leaving and find a quality love rs. Last year June, i quarreled with his family it got so bad im chased out, and the guy told me many times to move back home and reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend, but i did not, although that time i already liked the guy, i was not prepared to sacrifice my long rs and i cant move back home that time, because i just started moving in with my boyfriend which was my wish for many years, due to my home situation.
My boyfriend is the type who always aloof, and dont communicate much, not loving, that is the way he is from day one, but we were not that bad, we are more of like a companion. Before i joined the company (1 year ago) and getting all busy with the guy, work and my colleagues, we were still alright, he would fetch me, we still get involved sexually, and he still goes alot of places with me, not so bad. Now, practically my boyfriend comes home just playing his iphone and doing his stuff, we are practically individuals doing our stuff, and he do not even approach me at all, its that bad. To the extent he even dislike me touching him, and getting close to him. Not sure if its due to me trying to make him jealous previously by mentioning about the guy.
I dont wish to come to a stage where i lose my boyfriend and lose the guy, without knowing if he have any feelings for me. (thats why i did not breakup with my boyfriend previously even the guy has told me to do so)
Actually now, i only want the guy back as a friend, thats all, because im also not sure if we are suitable to be together, but i do feel a strong friendship previously which could have blossomed into love, if i handled everything well.
Last question, will the relationship rewind be of help to the situation me and my boyfriend are facing? Thanks Kevin.
Sorry left out this, do you think its better i write him a apology letter now and then leave him alone for few months, or do i do that after 3 months of NC?
For my friend, i also sent her a apology letter one year later (stating that i have depression and i dont meant to treat her that way), which i thought she might have forgave me if i done so earlier. But for the guy its not so easy, because i have tried while i was still in my ex-company (jan-march) a few times face to face asking him not to block me, and not making things turn until like this, even telling him i would kneel down, but he said even if i knelt down its still the same. So hurt! but he said we still can meet up in groups, and i said its not so easy anymore, since i would have left the company, and he said its me that always think that, but its still can be done.He just dont wish to meet on 1-to-1, or personal level. So hurt! i kept explaining that although i like him, but i have never done anything to him, except telling him my feelings, and asking him for talks. And i already stopped before he blocked me on Whatsapp in dec. Is it really gone case?He seems to really dislike me but he said not that when i asked.
And also to add, i just want a loving boyfriend, and to be platonic friends with the guy again (i dare not think of being together with him, although i like him alot, i dont think i am the type he wants so i never ever harbour much ever).
Kevin, can i also ask if love spells really works, as i read alot of people posting such when i read articles on relationships.
You know when i am browsing facebook, i see everyone leading happy lifes, almost everyone around me, even my ex-colleagues. How i wish i have a happy life like that, if situation allows, i wouldnt want to be depressed.
But it seems like everytime people just get angry with me or dislike me, i hate that too. Do you think the guy is angry with me?
I read also sometimes there is a reason that they block someone, is there feelings involved, thats why need to block? Im being blocked on his Whatsapp. Do you think if i go over to lead a happy life, and leave him alone, many months down the road we can connect back? But he ever told me, no he will only meet out in groups (that doesnt really matter so much now) but i just hope we still can connect back slowly as a friend through text, even not meeting out im fine. Like i say, i just want the friendship back, like my friend. I think he is alright to meet out in group, with my ex-colleagues, i am supposed to meet them up for lunch but have not done so.
Pls tell me what should i do? Do you think it can be done if i go and find him together with my another female colleague (we are quite close and she knows about my liking, but she told me what he did is right ;( ) and tell them my problem ask them to help? if not i really cant move on feeling sad.
But he ever told me this, even though he knows im feeling sad, but he would not do anything to oblige his uncomfortableness. Thinking of this really hurts, which makes me have the thought to hurt myself. I know he is really not worth it, but its like a curse that i cant get out of, due to the great amount of emotional support he given me over the months. i know for my case its transference of feelings, and i read it can be very strong. if i go the extend of begging will that help? I just want us slowly to connect back(of course i dare not emotionally bombard him again), i dont need him to meet me or immediately be my friend.How can i achieve that?
Is it harder for relationship or in my case when i totally (piss?scare? he said no to both, he just said uncomfortable) made him feel so emotionally clinged (this what he said?). Remember he said "if you clinge to me, and if im soft hearted, and we develop?) sometimes i still think why would he said that? does it mean if i go look for him alot he will soft hearted? But he has blocked me since dec and still blocking me. I only normal sms him (in early april) to treat him, but he declined (first sms), state that he did not deserve (second sms), sequently smsed him why he dont deserve no reply to my next few msg, and then i stopped.
im thinking should i really harm myself (i know you would advise against this) but i would do it, if it can stir any bit of feelings or pityness from him. Because he really did felt for me in the start, why did things turn so bad?
He even went to googled to read on depression, and when i told about my sadness, he said he understand i asked why, he said because he put himself in my shoe. a really very close friend, nobody has done that to me.
Hi Kevin,
I know you meant well for me, and really thanks so much for the comprehensive reply. You mentioned that i hope to get the guy back, with the hope of a future relationship, but that wasnt my aim. I read through our previous conversation, he was nice to me throughout, offering me alot of emotional support as a friend, and mentor at work, even after i confessed he was still very nice. But i messed it all up, often being emotional and questioning him and telling him how terrible i feel having to like him, blaming him for being nice which caused me to like him (all these happened many times), yet he still patiently explained to me, slowly setting boundaries. And yes relationships (friendship any kind of close relationship) is very important to me. 2 years back, my long time friend was angry with me not appreciating her effort for introducing job to me, that she totally cut off contact for 1 whole year (she got married and gave birth during that period), i was constantly depressed and guilty. So for the guy, i really felt the same way, and i felt painful because he knew i have depression, in the initial few months, he was the one already giving me emotional support through text, but its ironic now he can totally cut me off and dont care how depressed i feel. The thing is he cut me the time is when i already decided and stopped questioning in Dec, which i really dont understand.
I really find it hard to move on in my life, i just wanted him back as a friend only, i can wait, but i just hope that one day i can chat back with him again like we used to do so, thats all. Im afraid once i moved on, we will distance to such a stage, where if next time i suddenly initiate contact with him it be so odd, as if he will be very cold, then how? If i know for sure that we can still slowly become friends back for sure, if it takes 6months or 1year i dont mind leaving him alone, but what if i contact him back again and he is still cold to me?shouldnt i explain now then to explain 6months later which will be so odd? i feel like asking for him to help me along, because i really have a hard time moving on, especially the rs with my bf now is terrible. What i want is just being able to move on, not have this pain and guilt that a friend befriended me, this type of pain, nothing to do with wanting to be with him.
But im really afraid any wrong move now would spoil my chance of ever getting in contact with him back again. Sometimes, i really feel like cutting myself, and land in hospital due to the emotional pain im going through, no matter how i put if off it comes back to me after sometime, but these few days im not so sad, i wonder why is it being i got over, but the pain is still there i knew it somewhere in my heart, just not that sad anymore.
As for my boyfriend, its terrible too, he is like shutting down on me. Sometimes i really wish like leaving him, but i knew i cant do it, because i the type of emotional cant let go kind, even though last time my ex physically abused me i have a hard time to leave him. my brain tells me to leave him, but my heart cant do so. Other than asking me to living room to eat dinner he is totally ignoring me. I read about the types of love style (something called insecure avoidant?i cant recall exactly), where they fulfil their own emotional needs (due to the way they are brought up) and cant understand others emotional needs. He is exactly this type. No matter how i asked like was he angry with something, why wont he talk to me, why cant we be like last time, he just wont reply me, he just go about using his iphone (his daily tasks) everyday when he knock off from work. last time he would go every where with me, if i wanted, and be more responsive. Im really afraid he is throwing our rs away. I am really tired. I really feel like going back home and totally ignore him for 1 month, do you think this will make him open up to me again?
The previous time i went back (we were not so bad state now) home for 1-2 days, he even wanted to go over to look for, and then i told him no need.At that time, i still have the guy as a close friend (which he always telling me to move back home), and my boyfriend concern. Now i totally feel like i lost both, which makes me feel more painful.
I just want to move on but what the both of them is treating me is making me emotional painful, i cant move on in my life. what should i do?
Hi Kevin,
So based on what you replied, you think that the guy likes me? But he has told me once when we were angry with each other that he has no interest in me. Please tell me what you think?
Its very hard for me to leave my boyfriend, because we have been together for 5 years plus (longest relationship) and im not young anymore. Although many times i feel like leaving and find a quality love rs. Last year June, i quarreled with his family it got so bad im chased out, and the guy told me many times to move back home and reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend, but i did not, although that time i already liked the guy, i was not prepared to sacrifice my long rs and i cant move back home that time, because i just started moving in with my boyfriend which was my wish for many years, due to my home situation.
My boyfriend is the type who always aloof, and dont communicate much, not loving, that is the way he is from day one, but we were not that bad, we are more of like a companion. Before i joined the company (1 year ago) and getting all busy with the guy, work and my colleagues, we were still alright, he would fetch me, we still get involved sexually, and he still goes alot of places with me, not so bad. Now, practically my boyfriend comes home just playing his iphone and doing his stuff, we are practically individuals doing our stuff, and he do not even approach me at all, its that bad. To the extent he even dislike me touching him, and getting close to him. Not sure if its due to me trying to make him jealous previously by mentioning about the guy.
I dont wish to come to a stage where i lose my boyfriend and lose the guy, without knowing if he have any feelings for me. (thats why i did not breakup with my boyfriend previously even the guy has told me to do so)
Actually now, i only want the guy back as a friend, thats all, because im also not sure if we are suitable to be together, but i do feel a strong friendship previously which could have blossomed into love, if i handled everything well.
Last question, will the relationship rewind be of help to the situation me and my boyfriend are facing? Thanks Kevin.
Sorry left out this, do you think its better i write him a apology letter now and then leave him alone for few months, or do i do that after 3 months of NC?
For my friend, i also sent her a apology letter one year later (stating that i have depression and i dont meant to treat her that way), which i thought she might have forgave me if i done so earlier. But for the guy its not so easy, because i have tried while i was still in my ex-company (jan-march) a few times face to face asking him not to block me, and not making things turn until like this, even telling him i would kneel down, but he said even if i knelt down its still the same. So hurt! but he said we still can meet up in groups, and i said its not so easy anymore, since i would have left the company, and he said its me that always think that, but its still can be done.He just dont wish to meet on 1-to-1, or personal level. So hurt! i kept explaining that although i like him, but i have never done anything to him, except telling him my feelings, and asking him for talks. And i already stopped before he blocked me on Whatsapp in dec. Is it really gone case?He seems to really dislike me but he said not that when i asked.
And also to add, i just want a loving boyfriend, and to be platonic friends with the guy again (i dare not think of being together with him, although i like him alot, i dont think i am the type he wants so i never ever harbour much ever).
Kevin, can i also ask if love spells really works, as i read alot of people posting such when i read articles on relationships.
You know when i am browsing facebook, i see everyone leading happy lifes, almost everyone around me, even my ex-colleagues. How i wish i have a happy life like that, if situation allows, i wouldnt want to be depressed.
But it seems like everytime people just get angry with me or dislike me, i hate that too. Do you think the guy is angry with me?
I read also sometimes there is a reason that they block someone, is there feelings involved, thats why need to block? Im being blocked on his Whatsapp. Do you think if i go over to lead a happy life, and leave him alone, many months down the road we can connect back? But he ever told me, no he will only meet out in groups (that doesnt really matter so much now) but i just hope we still can connect back slowly as a friend through text, even not meeting out im fine. Like i say, i just want the friendship back, like my friend. I think he is alright to meet out in group, with my ex-colleagues, i am supposed to meet them up for lunch but have not done so.
Pls tell me what should i do? Do you think it can be done if i go and find him together with my another female colleague (we are quite close and she knows about my liking, but she told me what he did is right ;( ) and tell them my problem ask them to help? if not i really cant move on feeling sad.
But he ever told me this, even though he knows im feeling sad, but he would not do anything to oblige his uncomfortableness. Thinking of this really hurts, which makes me have the thought to hurt myself. I know he is really not worth it, but its like a curse that i cant get out of, due to the great amount of emotional support he given me over the months. i know for my case its transference of feelings, and i read it can be very strong. if i go the extend of begging will that help? I just want us slowly to connect back(of course i dare not emotionally bombard him again), i dont need him to meet me or immediately be my friend.How can i achieve that?
Is it harder for relationship or in my case when i totally (piss?scare? he said no to both, he just said uncomfortable) made him feel so emotionally clinged (this what he said?). Remember he said "if you clinge to me, and if im soft hearted, and we develop?) sometimes i still think why would he said that? does it mean if i go look for him alot he will soft hearted? But he has blocked me since dec and still blocking me. I only normal sms him (in early april) to treat him, but he declined (first sms), state that he did not deserve (second sms), sequently smsed him why he dont deserve no reply to my next few msg, and then i stopped.
im thinking should i really harm myself (i know you would advise against this) but i would do it, if it can stir any bit of feelings or pityness from him. Because he really did felt for me in the start, why did things turn so bad?
He even went to googled to read on depression, and when i told about my sadness, he said he understand i asked why, he said because he put himself in my shoe. a really very close friend, nobody has done that to me.
Hi Kevin,
I know you meant well for me, and really thanks so much for the comprehensive reply. You mentioned that i hope to get the guy back, with the hope of a future relationship, but that wasnt my aim. I read through our previous conversation, he was nice to me throughout, offering me alot of emotional support as a friend, and mentor at work, even after i confessed he was still very nice. But i messed it all up, often being emotional and questioning him and telling him how terrible i feel having to like him, blaming him for being nice which caused me to like him (all these happened many times), yet he still patiently explained to me, slowly setting boundaries. And yes relationships (friendship any kind of close relationship) is very important to me. 2 years back, my long time friend was angry with me not appreciating her effort for introducing job to me, that she totally cut off contact for 1 whole year (she got married and gave birth during that period), i was constantly depressed and guilty. So for the guy, i really felt the same way, and i felt painful because he knew i have depression, in the initial few months, he was the one already giving me emotional support through text, but its ironic now he can totally cut me off and dont care how depressed i feel. The thing is he cut me the time is when i already decided and stopped questioning in Dec, which i really dont understand.
I really find it hard to move on in my life, i just wanted him back as a friend only, i can wait, but i just hope that one day i can chat back with him again like we used to do so, thats all. Im afraid once i moved on, we will distance to such a stage, where if next time i suddenly initiate contact with him it be so odd, as if he will be very cold, then how? If i know for sure that we can still slowly become friends back for sure, if it takes 6months or 1year i dont mind leaving him alone, but what if i contact him back again and he is still cold to me?shouldnt i explain now then to explain 6months later which will be so odd? i feel like asking for him to help me along, because i really have a hard time moving on, especially the rs with my bf now is terrible. What i want is just being able to move on, not have this pain and guilt that a friend befriended me, this type of pain, nothing to do with wanting to be with him.
But im really afraid any wrong move now would spoil my chance of ever getting in contact with him back again. Sometimes, i really feel like cutting myself, and land in hospital due to the emotional pain im going through, no matter how i put if off it comes back to me after sometime, but these few days im not so sad, i wonder why is it being i got over, but the pain is still there i knew it somewhere in my heart, just not that sad anymore.
As for my boyfriend, its terrible too, he is like shutting down on me. Sometimes i really wish like leaving him, but i knew i cant do it, because i the type of emotional cant let go kind, even though last time my ex physically abused me i have a hard time to leave him. my brain tells me to leave him, but my heart cant do so. Other than asking me to living room to eat dinner he is totally ignoring me. I read about the types of love style (something called insecure avoidant?i cant recall exactly), where they fulfil their own emotional needs (due to the way they are brought up) and cant understand others emotional needs. He is exactly this type. No matter how i asked like was he angry with something, why wont he talk to me, why cant we be like last time, he just wont reply me, he just go about using his iphone (his daily tasks) everyday when he knock off from work. last time he would go every where with me, if i wanted, and be more responsive. Im really afraid he is throwing our rs away. I am really tired. I really feel like going back home and totally ignore him for 1 month, do you think this will make him open up to me again?
The previous time i went back (we were not so bad state now) home for 1-2 days, he even wanted to go over to look for, and then i told him no need.At that time, i still have the guy as a close friend (which he always telling me to move back home), and my boyfriend concern. Now i totally feel like i lost both, which makes me feel more painful.
I just want to move on but what the both of them is treating me is making me emotional painful, i cant move on in my life. what should i do?
Hi Kevin,
So based on what you replied, you think that the guy likes me? But he has told me once when we were angry with each other that he has no interest in me. Please tell me what you think?
Its very hard for me to leave my boyfriend, because we have been together for 5 years plus (longest relationship) and im not young anymore. Although many times i feel like leaving and find a quality love rs. Last year June, i quarreled with his family it got so bad im chased out, and the guy told me many times to move back home and reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend, but i did not, although that time i already liked the guy, i was not prepared to sacrifice my long rs and i cant move back home that time, because i just started moving in with my boyfriend which was my wish for many years, due to my home situation.
My boyfriend is the type who always aloof, and dont communicate much, not loving, that is the way he is from day one, but we were not that bad, we are more of like a companion. Before i joined the company (1 year ago) and getting all busy with the guy, work and my colleagues, we were still alright, he would fetch me, we still get involved sexually, and he still goes alot of places with me, not so bad. Now, practically my boyfriend comes home just playing his iphone and doing his stuff, we are practically individuals doing our stuff, and he do not even approach me at all, its that bad. To the extent he even dislike me touching him, and getting close to him. Not sure if its due to me trying to make him jealous previously by mentioning about the guy.
I dont wish to come to a stage where i lose my boyfriend and lose the guy, without knowing if he have any feelings for me. (thats why i did not breakup with my boyfriend previously even the guy has told me to do so)
Actually now, i only want the guy back as a friend, thats all, because im also not sure if we are suitable to be together, but i do feel a strong friendship previously which could have blossomed into love, if i handled everything well.
Last question, will the relationship rewind be of help to the situation me and my boyfriend are facing? Thanks Kevin.
Hey Jacelyn,
Is it possible for you to break up with your boyfriend? If so, do it. Your boyfriend also deserves someone who is 100% devoted to him and you also deserve to be with someone you can be 100% devoted to. After that, he will probably make a move.
Hey Jacelyn,
Is it possible for you to break up with your boyfriend? If so, do it. Your boyfriend also deserves someone who is 100% devoted to him and you also deserve to be with someone you can be 100% devoted to. After that, he will probably make a move.
Hey Jacelyn,
Is it possible for you to break up with your boyfriend? If so, do it. Your boyfriend also deserves someone who is 100% devoted to him and you also deserve to be with someone you can be 100% devoted to. After that, he will probably make a move.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and reading the very long post. Sorry i had to type put everything because i need your help to get the full picture, but apparently its kinda hard. The main thing im very concerned is that could there be a possibility that he actually likes me (or has some feelings for me) but is purposely setting a distance between us because he knew that i wont leave my boyfriend, and him being a very devoted christian, will also never reveal feelings or try to snatch other's girlfriend.
Did you read the part i mentioned, asking him if i cling to him how, and he shockingly replied "if you cling to mei became soft-hearted, and we develop how?later on, i kept asking him but he said there is such a possibility, he wont deny that, but what he was stating is just an example. If a guy have no feelings, would he say something impossible? What do you think? I am not a thick skinned girl, somehow i feel he might have feelings because while talking to a colleague seated between us (me left of the colleague him right of the colleague), when the colleague talks, he supposed to be looking at the colleague, but i can feel his eyes attention overshot the colleague and is towards me actually, because i also turning to look at my colleague. (maybe im sensitive) but somehow a girl does have some instinct but there is no sure way to tell.
because i read some comments here that the guy actually loves the girl, but can still end up doing very mean things to her like avoiding her etc. Just dont wish to miss that real love which could have blossomed, but spoil by us unknowingly doing stupid things (me unwilling to leave my boyfriend and kept asking him and find out from any feelings to push him away) and him pushing me away (for fear that we will develop but i have a boyfriend).
Otherwise, if he really have no interest, i just hope that we can remain as good friends (but he sorta cut off personal contact although still reply some sms but not all), and im so depressed, and i dare not find him because i dont wan him to avoid me even further. And also is it possible i can send you our txt conversation for you to help analyse? Thanks for taking the effort to read through once again, you are doing a great job here!
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and reading the very long post. Sorry i had to type put everything because i need your help to get the full picture, but apparently its kinda hard. The main thing im very concerned is that could there be a possibility that he actually likes me (or has some feelings for me) but is purposely setting a distance between us because he knew that i wont leave my boyfriend, and him being a very devoted christian, will also never reveal feelings or try to snatch other's girlfriend.
Did you read the part i mentioned, asking him if i cling to him how, and he shockingly replied "if you cling to mei became soft-hearted, and we develop how?later on, i kept asking him but he said there is such a possibility, he wont deny that, but what he was stating is just an example. If a guy have no feelings, would he say something impossible? What do you think? I am not a thick skinned girl, somehow i feel he might have feelings because while talking to a colleague seated between us (me left of the colleague him right of the colleague), when the colleague talks, he supposed to be looking at the colleague, but i can feel his eyes attention overshot the colleague and is towards me actually, because i also turning to look at my colleague. (maybe im sensitive) but somehow a girl does have some instinct but there is no sure way to tell.
because i read some comments here that the guy actually loves the girl, but can still end up doing very mean things to her like avoiding her etc. Just dont wish to miss that real love which could have blossomed, but spoil by us unknowingly doing stupid things (me unwilling to leave my boyfriend and kept asking him and find out from any feelings to push him away) and him pushing me away (for fear that we will develop but i have a boyfriend).
Otherwise, if he really have no interest, i just hope that we can remain as good friends (but he sorta cut off personal contact although still reply some sms but not all), and im so depressed, and i dare not find him because i dont wan him to avoid me even further. And also is it possible i can send you our txt conversation for you to help analyse? Thanks for taking the effort to read through once again, you are doing a great job here!
Hey,
Boy you weren't kidding when you said your message can be lengthy.
Before I answer, I want to tell you that I just skimmed through the whole thing to just get an idea of your situation. But I did read the part where you mention your options as I think that's really the most important. I hope you understand since I have a lot of comments to answer and if you have more questions you can ask me again.
I'll highly recommend that you choose option B. Apply no contact, at least for two months before getting back in touch with him. I know it wasn't really a relationship but from what I read, you did act needy and desperate. No contact will benefit you just like it does everyone else. The main objective of no contact is to help you accept the breakup and realize that you don't need your ex in your life to be happy. And I think that is the most important thing that you need right now. I will recommend that you keep no contact for as long as necessary to achieve that objective.
Hi Kevin,
Firstly, I'd like to thank you for the emails that you've been sending... I had many down days and when your emails come through they are very insightful.
Secondly, my situation... to me it is slightly different to the 'norm'. we were together for over a year and couple of months. He split up with me just under 2 weeks ago now. The situation was that he recently lost a loved one and unhappy with other things in life but leading up to it he was withdrawing from me. We had may conversations about this and I became insecure and probably needy which caused me to push onto him more and ended up smothering him and wanted space. In 'the talk', he felt he couldn't make me happy, he wanted to keep me in his life (first time he has ever said that about a girl before, he did discuss this prior to break up too so it wasn't break up talk I believe), also he told me not to change. He said he wasn't in love with me and couldn't see a future. During 'the talk', I pleaded with him not to do it and for me to see him but he said he would cave into his decision if he saw me. Lots of things were said during that talk and anger and crying emotions. I gave mixed feeling about being friends but he said I could call/text any time I wanted but I haven't. I only text him twice after the talk to say we both need space and he was ok, I didn't beg or plead but times I got a response. I know he needs space to grieve and I determined to give it him... is it a lost cause? I worried that he'll move on or fill a void whilst this space take place.
Thank you for your time
I don't think it's a lost cause. You should contact him after a month or two.
Thank you Kevin, I'll keep you updated. Thank you again for this website and your time
Hi Kevin,
I commented earlier in the week about my ex. I purchased the relationship rewind (as you recommended) but I'm having trouble identifying what stage he is in. I've contacted the website but no response as of yet.
Please can you help? Is he in; Drift? Deaths door? Or indifference? I don't want to identify the wrong stage and risk loosing him
Thanks
I think you should follow the advise for death's door after you have given him enough time.
I think you should follow the advise for death's door after you have given him enough time.
I think you should follow the advise for death's door after you have given him enough time.
I think you should follow the advise for death's door after you have given him enough time.
I think you should follow the advise for death's door after you have given him enough time.
Hi Kevin,
I commented earlier in the week about my ex. I purchased the relationship rewind (as you recommended) but I'm having trouble identifying what stage he is in. I've contacted the website but no response as of yet.
Please can you help? Is he in; Drift? Deaths door? Or indifference? I don't want to identify the wrong stage and risk loosing him
Thanks
Hi Kevin,
I commented earlier in the week about my ex. I purchased the relationship rewind (as you recommended) but I'm having trouble identifying what stage he is in. I've contacted the website but no response as of yet.
Please can you help? Is he in; Drift? Deaths door? Or indifference? I don't want to identify the wrong stage and risk loosing him
Thanks
Hi Kevin,
I commented earlier in the week about my ex. I purchased the relationship rewind (as you recommended) but I'm having trouble identifying what stage he is in. I've contacted the website but no response as of yet.
Please can you help? Is he in; Drift? Deaths door? Or indifference? I don't want to identify the wrong stage and risk loosing him
Thanks
Thank you Kevin, I'll keep you updated. Thank you again for this website and your time
Thank you Kevin, I'll keep you updated. Thank you again for this website and your time
I don't think it's a lost cause. You should contact him after a month or two.
Hi Kevin,
I was on a no contact period for 1 month. I focused on myself mostly during this period. I did work out, get a job at last and now I am happy. My ex-girlfriend and I are now friends. We talk nowadays but Im always confident and happy when i talk to her.
We were having our dinner yesterday and she updated on fb that she was having a good time but never tagged me in the post. I got pissed and we had a fight. And then i revealed that i still have feeling for her in the fight. But she still doesnt have and she has moved on. She loves me and trusts me but she is not in love with me. And after the fight she thinks we need space coz i dont seem to have moved on.
What do you suggest Kevin?
Regards,
Aaron Thomas
You showed neediness which turned her off. If you just started dating someone, would you have acted the same way? If someone you just started dating someone and she acted this way, what would your reaction be? It's not very different with your ex. Don't expect her to treat you like her boyfriend or even close friend. She doesn't owe you anything. You should treat her like someone you just start dating. I'll suggest you start the plan all over again.
You showed neediness which turned her off. If you just started dating someone, would you have acted the same way? If someone you just started dating someone and she acted this way, what would your reaction be? It's not very different with your ex. Don't expect her to treat you like her boyfriend or even close friend. She doesn't owe you anything. You should treat her like someone you just start dating. I'll suggest you start the plan all over again.
Hi Kevin...
My boyfriend of 3 yrs an I broke up two times before, I believe the break ups were because I was becoming too clingy and too emotional, and he kept saying he needed to feel less pressure. I also believe the idea of commitment and marriage scared him. He is pretty sociable and has a group of guys friends who kept telling him he didnt go out as much anymore or that he wasnt the same guys they knew before he was dating me.
We gave our relationship another try in December, but we got into a big fight and when he asked if we could fix the relationship, I said there was no way we could fix this and told him not to contact me. (I felt regret that very same second)
It´s been a couple months, and last time I contacted him was on his birthday, he said he had been thinking about me, and we exchanged a couple texts... but that was it... I got my hopes up and thought that he might actually want me back because fo what he said.
I contacted him a month later, casually, telling him about a restaurant we used to go to. No reply. Then I saw on his FB profile that a girl has been contacting him and they seem to be talking a lot (even though she doesn´t live here) . I panicked... I sent him a text asking if he was dating anybody else (he has texted me before asking the same question) no reply. AT ALL. Five days later (yesterday) I ran into him at a coffee shop... and he didnt say hi. I went up to him and said hello, tried to make small talk, but I could feel the awkwardness.
I don´t know what to do... I truly want him back and believe that underneath all the chaos we have something truly worth it.
Do think we still have a chance?
It's hard to say. It does seem like he is committed to moving on. I think you should apply no contact and follow the 5 step plan. If it doesn't work, then move on.
I have been getting your e-mails... thank you for the daily dose of advise and support, it has been quite the help and has kept me feeling a bit better.
In the last e-mail, you mention the stages of a break up and you get to the "when he is badly missing you" stage... you mention it usually takes about a month to get to that stage... I'm afraid it has been 5 months and we are way beyond that window of opportunity.
My world is crumbling without him, and everytime I see him on photos he is always out looking like he is having the time of his life and like breaking up was the best thing that could have happened to him... almost like he is free and happier than when he was with me.
I havee been applying no contact since April 11... I really hope this works.
What do you think? Is it too late?
Thanks!
I don't think it's too late. If you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and become a happy and confident person during that time, he will be attracted to you again.
I don't think it's too late. If you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and become a happy and confident person during that time, he will be attracted to you again.
I don't think it's too late. If you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and become a happy and confident person during that time, he will be attracted to you again.
I don't think it's too late. If you make positive changes in your life during the no contact period and become a happy and confident person during that time, he will be attracted to you again.
I have been getting your e-mails... thank you for the daily dose of advise and support, it has been quite the help and has kept me feeling a bit better.
In the last e-mail, you mention the stages of a break up and you get to the "when he is badly missing you" stage... you mention it usually takes about a month to get to that stage... I'm afraid it has been 5 months and we are way beyond that window of opportunity.
My world is crumbling without him, and everytime I see him on photos he is always out looking like he is having the time of his life and like breaking up was the best thing that could have happened to him... almost like he is free and happier than when he was with me.
I havee been applying no contact since April 11... I really hope this works.
What do you think? Is it too late?
Thanks!
I have been getting your e-mails... thank you for the daily dose of advise and support, it has been quite the help and has kept me feeling a bit better.
In the last e-mail, you mention the stages of a break up and you get to the "when he is badly missing you" stage... you mention it usually takes about a month to get to that stage... I'm afraid it has been 5 months and we are way beyond that window of opportunity.
My world is crumbling without him, and everytime I see him on photos he is always out looking like he is having the time of his life and like breaking up was the best thing that could have happened to him... almost like he is free and happier than when he was with me.
I havee been applying no contact since April 11... I really hope this works.
What do you think? Is it too late?
Thanks!
It's hard to say. It does seem like he is committed to moving on. I think you should apply no contact and follow the 5 step plan. If it doesn't work, then move on.
My ex and I were together for a little over two years . The last couple of months I was for some reason insecure with her and accused her of cheating on me quite often . I know for a fact that she wasn't. She finally said she hit her breaking point and could deal with me accusing her of this anymore and we broke up. We talked a tiny bit right after, she said she loved me. I sent her flowers to show I was sorry and she did say thank you. I hadn't heard from her in about two and a half weeks and couldn't take it. I called her today, left a voicemail and didn't hear back. She said she needs space and says she will talk when she's ready. Now that I messed up the 30 plan, where should I go from here? Easter is coming up and this was the first time I met her family. Do I say anything then? I know she doesn't forgive and forget easily as she was hurt bad in her last relationship. I feel that she says she will talk when she's ready, but isn't one to talk about her feelings Would appreciate your advice as your site helped a lot during those couple weeks I fought every minute to not contact her.
Start over again. Don't contact her on Easter. If she contacts you, keep the conversation short and don't talk about anything personal.
Thanks for the advice. One more quick question. When we were together she didn't hang out with many friends. Now all that shows up on my Facebook is she is friends with this guy and that guy that I don't know. I find this weird. Is she meeting new people or is she already looking to move on?
It could be either. No one can say. It shouldn't matter to you though. You should still follow the plan.
Kevin,
Things are getting much better for me. It has been a little over 3 weeks since we have talked. Im working out a ton and doing my own thing. My best friends fiance asked my ex to get drinks and she said she would like to if her meeting doesnt go late. I feel this is good as they arent the best of friends and is maybe relating her with me? Also, I dediced I would not call or text her on Easter. I sent a card saying "today is an important day. Thinking of you. Talk when you're ready" No response. If she is not ready to meet with my friends fiance or want to talk soon how much longer do you suggest I wait to contact her? One last thing, everytime she sees i'm on Facebook she logs off instantly. What do you think of this? Thanks for the help. Again, much appreciated.
Hey,
I'll recommend that you wait another 3 weeks if she doesn't respond to the card. You shouldn't worry about the facebook thing. It could mean a lot of things and it's not worth analyzing.
Hey,
I'll recommend that you wait another 3 weeks if she doesn't respond to the card. You shouldn't worry about the facebook thing. It could mean a lot of things and it's not worth analyzing.
Hey,
I'll recommend that you wait another 3 weeks if she doesn't respond to the card. You shouldn't worry about the facebook thing. It could mean a lot of things and it's not worth analyzing.
Hey,
I'll recommend that you wait another 3 weeks if she doesn't respond to the card. You shouldn't worry about the facebook thing. It could mean a lot of things and it's not worth analyzing.
Hey,
I'll recommend that you wait another 3 weeks if she doesn't respond to the card. You shouldn't worry about the facebook thing. It could mean a lot of things and it's not worth analyzing.
Hey,
I'll recommend that you wait another 3 weeks if she doesn't respond to the card. You shouldn't worry about the facebook thing. It could mean a lot of things and it's not worth analyzing.
Kevin,
If I don't say anything doesn't it show that I don't care? I feel that was an important day for us and she always said I was the one who didn't want to be with her, which obviously is not the case. Her whole family will be there (50 plus) if she tells them all doesn't that kind of make it official and that much harder to come back to me? Last Sunday when I called and didn't get a response she did text my mom back (didn't know she text my ex) on Friday. What do you think of that? My bday is about 2 weeks after Easter is it better to wait to see if she says anything as she's the who who said she will talk when she's ready (3 weeks ago) I have felt a little better, just wanted your thoughts on this. Thanks in advance, much appreciated.
Well, she is going to tell them regardless of you wishing her. And in my opinion, it'll just look like you are looking for an opportunity to talk to her. If you want to wish her, just send her a text and nothing else. If she tries to talk more, tell her you need some space and time right now.
Well, she is going to tell them regardless of you wishing her. And in my opinion, it'll just look like you are looking for an opportunity to talk to her. If you want to wish her, just send her a text and nothing else. If she tries to talk more, tell her you need some space and time right now.
Well, she is going to tell them regardless of you wishing her. And in my opinion, it'll just look like you are looking for an opportunity to talk to her. If you want to wish her, just send her a text and nothing else. If she tries to talk more, tell her you need some space and time right now.
Well, she is going to tell them regardless of you wishing her. And in my opinion, it'll just look like you are looking for an opportunity to talk to her. If you want to wish her, just send her a text and nothing else. If she tries to talk more, tell her you need some space and time right now.
Well, she is going to tell them regardless of you wishing her. And in my opinion, it'll just look like you are looking for an opportunity to talk to her. If you want to wish her, just send her a text and nothing else. If she tries to talk more, tell her you need some space and time right now.
Well, she is going to tell them regardless of you wishing her. And in my opinion, it'll just look like you are looking for an opportunity to talk to her. If you want to wish her, just send her a text and nothing else. If she tries to talk more, tell her you need some space and time right now.
Kevin,
Things are getting much better for me. It has been a little over 3 weeks since we have talked. Im working out a ton and doing my own thing. My best friends fiance asked my ex to get drinks and she said she would like to if her meeting doesnt go late. I feel this is good as they arent the best of friends and is maybe relating her with me? Also, I dediced I would not call or text her on Easter. I sent a card saying "today is an important day. Thinking of you. Talk when you're ready" No response. If she is not ready to meet with my friends fiance or want to talk soon how much longer do you suggest I wait to contact her? One last thing, everytime she sees i'm on Facebook she logs off instantly. What do you think of this? Thanks for the help. Again, much appreciated.
Kevin,
If I don't say anything doesn't it show that I don't care? I feel that was an important day for us and she always said I was the one who didn't want to be with her, which obviously is not the case. Her whole family will be there (50 plus) if she tells them all doesn't that kind of make it official and that much harder to come back to me? Last Sunday when I called and didn't get a response she did text my mom back (didn't know she text my ex) on Friday. What do you think of that? My bday is about 2 weeks after Easter is it better to wait to see if she says anything as she's the who who said she will talk when she's ready (3 weeks ago) I have felt a little better, just wanted your thoughts on this. Thanks in advance, much appreciated.
Kevin,
Things are getting much better for me. It has been a little over 3 weeks since we have talked. Im working out a ton and doing my own thing. My best friends fiance asked my ex to get drinks and she said she would like to if her meeting doesnt go late. I feel this is good as they arent the best of friends and is maybe relating her with me? Also, I dediced I would not call or text her on Easter. I sent a card saying "today is an important day. Thinking of you. Talk when you're ready" No response. If she is not ready to meet with my friends fiance or want to talk soon how much longer do you suggest I wait to contact her? One last thing, everytime she sees i'm on Facebook she logs off instantly. What do you think of this? Thanks for the help. Again, much appreciated.
Kevin,
If I don't say anything doesn't it show that I don't care? I feel that was an important day for us and she always said I was the one who didn't want to be with her, which obviously is not the case. Her whole family will be there (50 plus) if she tells them all doesn't that kind of make it official and that much harder to come back to me? Last Sunday when I called and didn't get a response she did text my mom back (didn't know she text my ex) on Friday. What do you think of that? My bday is about 2 weeks after Easter is it better to wait to see if she says anything as she's the who who said she will talk when she's ready (3 weeks ago) I have felt a little better, just wanted your thoughts on this. Thanks in advance, much appreciated.
Kevin,
Things are getting much better for me. It has been a little over 3 weeks since we have talked. Im working out a ton and doing my own thing. My best friends fiance asked my ex to get drinks and she said she would like to if her meeting doesnt go late. I feel this is good as they arent the best of friends and is maybe relating her with me? Also, I dediced I would not call or text her on Easter. I sent a card saying "today is an important day. Thinking of you. Talk when you're ready" No response. If she is not ready to meet with my friends fiance or want to talk soon how much longer do you suggest I wait to contact her? One last thing, everytime she sees i'm on Facebook she logs off instantly. What do you think of this? Thanks for the help. Again, much appreciated.
Kevin,
If I don't say anything doesn't it show that I don't care? I feel that was an important day for us and she always said I was the one who didn't want to be with her, which obviously is not the case. Her whole family will be there (50 plus) if she tells them all doesn't that kind of make it official and that much harder to come back to me? Last Sunday when I called and didn't get a response she did text my mom back (didn't know she text my ex) on Friday. What do you think of that? My bday is about 2 weeks after Easter is it better to wait to see if she says anything as she's the who who said she will talk when she's ready (3 weeks ago) I have felt a little better, just wanted your thoughts on this. Thanks in advance, much appreciated.
Kevin,
Things are getting much better for me. It has been a little over 3 weeks since we have talked. Im working out a ton and doing my own thing. My best friends fiance asked my ex to get drinks and she said she would like to if her meeting doesnt go late. I feel this is good as they arent the best of friends and is maybe relating her with me? Also, I dediced I would not call or text her on Easter. I sent a card saying "today is an important day. Thinking of you. Talk when you're ready" No response. If she is not ready to meet with my friends fiance or want to talk soon how much longer do you suggest I wait to contact her? One last thing, everytime she sees i'm on Facebook she logs off instantly. What do you think of this? Thanks for the help. Again, much appreciated.
Kevin,
If I don't say anything doesn't it show that I don't care? I feel that was an important day for us and she always said I was the one who didn't want to be with her, which obviously is not the case. Her whole family will be there (50 plus) if she tells them all doesn't that kind of make it official and that much harder to come back to me? Last Sunday when I called and didn't get a response she did text my mom back (didn't know she text my ex) on Friday. What do you think of that? My bday is about 2 weeks after Easter is it better to wait to see if she says anything as she's the who who said she will talk when she's ready (3 weeks ago) I have felt a little better, just wanted your thoughts on this. Thanks in advance, much appreciated.
It could be either. No one can say. It shouldn't matter to you though. You should still follow the plan.
It could be either. No one can say. It shouldn't matter to you though. You should still follow the plan.
It could be either. No one can say. It shouldn't matter to you though. You should still follow the plan.
Thanks for the advice. One more quick question. When we were together she didn't hang out with many friends. Now all that shows up on my Facebook is she is friends with this guy and that guy that I don't know. I find this weird. Is she meeting new people or is she already looking to move on?
Thanks for the advice. One more quick question. When we were together she didn't hang out with many friends. Now all that shows up on my Facebook is she is friends with this guy and that guy that I don't know. I find this weird. Is she meeting new people or is she already looking to move on?
Start over again. Don't contact her on Easter. If she contacts you, keep the conversation short and don't talk about anything personal.
I forgot to mention that I am 25 and she is 23. Also forgot to mention that we were together all the time. We even drive to work together as we have an hour commute.
I ended my relationship with my girl friend coz she asked me for space i texted her to tell her why i did so but she didnt respond but now i want her back we see each but we dont talk what should i do
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for all of your advice -- some great stuff here. I have a question maybe you can help me with.
I was seeing this girl for a while. She used to badger to meet up, we would, she'd pull away, I'd pull away, she'd move back in. Repeat. Seemed to me like she was either i) unsure yet of the relationship ii) or playing attention seeking games. Anyways, I spoke to her about this (big mistake!) and she said that everything was fine, I shouldn't be insecure. She carried on, so I broke it off and eventually carried out a 'no contact period' of four months. She tried to get back into contact quite a few times, but I didn't reply -- I didn't want the hassle whilst I was finishing my studies.
I then finished my PhD, and she initiated contact again. So I replied. She's kept a picture I took for her as her FB profile picture, and has told me she hopes it reminds me of good times we had together. She comments on my FB stuff, takes a while to respond to when I comment back, but still - I broke up with her and then didn't reply to her messages, so I kinda understand why she is hesitant there.
So my question. I want to slowly begin hanging out together again. But, and here are the million dollar questions -- how? Do I take a similar amount of time to reply to her messages? Do I continue to reply to her attempts to contact me, but not initiate any of my own? As before she may have thought me 'needy', and then this is challenged when I break it off and don't contact her, what is the best step to move forward from her simply feeling bad that I didn't contact her, and then me making her feel special but without the 'control' aspect'?
Thanks Kevin, keep up your good work.
K
Continue contact with her for a couple of weeks. Reply when she contacts you and try to have some fun conversations with her. Don't worry too much about reply time. As long as you don't show any neediness in your messages, it shouldn't matter. Ask her out after a couple of weeks of texting.
Continue contact with her for a couple of weeks. Reply when she contacts you and try to have some fun conversations with her. Don't worry too much about reply time. As long as you don't show any neediness in your messages, it shouldn't matter. Ask her out after a couple of weeks of texting.
Hi, my name is Jay. I am recently separated from my fiance who I have been with for over 5 years. We have two kids together and we were both virgins when we met and out of the blue, she has decided to leave me. Obviously, like many others have experienced in this type of situation, the pain is unbearable.
Today is day seven of our breakup. I did begin by begging her not to leave. (I didn't realise then that this would NOT work.) This begging was done during the first three days, then I discovered your site and found it to have quite an amazing concept.
Thankyou for this site, oddly I began the no contact rule, but got buzzed with two beers and on day six (three days in NC) I contacted her and had changed my wordrobe, seemed very happy, and had worked out a lot. I kept telling her that it would be cool if we just had sex and if it didn't mean anything that would be fine. I told her other things and kept things spontanious as well and at the end of the night I seduced her into sleeping with me. It was intense, and things were on fire!!! At the end of it, I told her that I'm on board with the breakup and I wished her the best of luck.
Today is day seven. Obviously I broke NC, lol. I am going to make a plan and start it now though. I think 30 days in my type of relationship is probably way too short from what I've been hearing and am going to have my plan be between 45-60 days.
My questions are...
1. Is 30 days good enough? Or is it better to make it longer?
2. Does the fact that we slept together post-breakup mean anything?
3. How do I deal with situations where NC can not be followed. (i.e. the kids)?
Thankyou for any advice.
1. If you think you need 45-60 days, then go for it. Take as much time as you think you need.
2. In your case, not much since you didn't really show any neediness.
3. I talk about no contact with kids in the above article.
1. If you think you need 45-60 days, then go for it. Take as much time as you think you need.
2. In your case, not much since you didn't really show any neediness.
3. I talk about no contact with kids in the above article.
Hey Kevin. So I asked my ex if she wanted to meet up, and she asked me why. I said because it's so awkward between us in school and then she said that it might send the wrong signals, I replied that I only wanted to repair our friendship. We ended up texting for about 2 hours about all sorts of stuff, at the end we came into more deep stuff how she wasn't ready for a relationship because she had big problems with herself. I asked about her problems but she said it was hard to explain and that she was tired so she wanted to sleep. Now, the way she said goodnight was a little interesting in my opinion and it's the reason I'm writing this question, she said: Goodnight, we'll keep in touch. (roughly translated) I'm thinking that I should wait atleast one day before I contact her again, do you think that's a good plan or should I text her right away the next day?
Sincerely Johan
I'll recommend you wait at least three days before texting her again unless of course, she texts you.
I'll recommend you wait at least three days before texting her again unless of course, she texts you.
Hi kevin i just wanted to update ya . We decide to give it one more shot but want to take it slow do you have anyadvice on how to keep a relationship positive and keep open communication?or how can i use the relationship rewind to help our relationship blossom?
There is a lot of stuff about that in relationship rewind. As for communications, I highly recommend the books "Non violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg and "Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love" by Sue Johnson.
There is a lot of stuff about that in relationship rewind. As for communications, I highly recommend the books "Non violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg and "Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love" by Sue Johnson.
Hi Kevin,
I dated a pretty awesome guy for a little over 4 years. About a month ago I broke up with him. The reasons I had were overall stupid. I guess you could chalk it up to me having a fear of abandonment. We were very close and when you're close with someone they can hurt you. I know very wimpy. Anyways I did it pretty cut throat and about 3 weeks into it I snapped out of my stupidity but it was too late. He had already started liking someone else and is currently dating them. I did at least 2 of the things that you are not supposed to EVER do. I still want him back. I assume the no contact rule comes into play for 30 days. Any other special circumstantial advice? Obviously my lame attempt to beg him to come back blew lol. Thanks! -Rylee
Make some positive changes in your life during these 30 days. And read the 5 step plan, if you didn't read it already.
Make some positive changes in your life during these 30 days. And read the 5 step plan, if you didn't read it already.
Met a guy and the second date.. we had sex (which I never do). He was already confessing that he wants to be with me forever, wants to have kids with me, wished he could have married me instead of his other wife (he is now divorced), that he wants me to be his queen , wants to sleep with me forever, even had sex without a condom, had dreams at night where he was crying feeling around the bed asking "where did you go?", waking up and looking around for me if I wasn't next to him.. Well, you get the idea. He showered me with I love you and practically convinced me of his eternal love. He says he never does this sort of thing (his sister also says he never does this sort of thing. He's a "bull"). This was out of his character. Called me a few days later and backed way off and acted like he went way too fast and we needed to take at least six months to decide on marriage. It took my head for a spin because his feelings were real and Mine were too! Well, from there i went in and out of being upset with him and his pursuit and withdrawals. Then there was a pregnant scare (which didn't seem to bother him). I told him to basically make up his mind about what he wanted with me (on the fence or not). So he said we should just be friends before even dating (with the idea that marriage could be a possibility). and I said no, that is going to be a problem. Then he broke up with me and I was in shock (unfriended me and changed his relationship status right then and there). It shocked me and I went into denial..texting.. Showing affection.. Then anger.. Then affection.. Trying to figure out what the hell happened. This all happened in two and a half weeks! I texted too much because I was shocked with his silence. Few weeks later he said for me to stop texting and go away (but then looked at my profile on meetme.com that night). Wtf? I don't understand.. I have said a few things since then, not much. Weird thing is, he won't block me and he still reads my messages. He sees all of them but he won't talk : / Now I am starting the silent thing you're mentioning. Do you think there's a chance with this strange circumstance of passion? Haha
I think you do have a chance. Although, the sooner they fall in love, the sooner they fall out of love.
I think you do have a chance. Although, the sooner they fall in love, the sooner they fall out of love.
Where do I see my response to my comment?
No and I submitted it over a month ago. But to recap, I am 30 and my now ex is 24. We dated for a year and a half and we're talking about marriage and even looking at rings back in September. She has a child from before we met who we decided I would raise as my own. The biological father hadn't been involved for the first 2 years of their child's life but started coming around more often right around when my ex and started dating. So besides creating a relationship with just her I was becoming a dad to her child and dealing with the father. When we started dating it became such that anyone who saw us knew we were in looooove. We all moved into together in July and unfortunately at the same time I lost my high paying job. So that being said I took it very hard and kind of lost myself in worrying about finances as well as felt like I could take care of my family. We began arguing more often in December and at the beginning of January she broke up with me. So at that point I made the common mistakes of trying to convince her to change her mind, trying to be the best person I could to show her she was making the wrong choice, and giving in to her demands...even offering to help her when I didn't have to. Then, she moved into her new place and had a scary thing happen so I jumped right in and was there for her. Nothing romantic but as we were there her child was still calling me daddy and we slept in the same bed. We cuddled but nothing more. Then I left and the following night I noticed she had removed all of our pictures from fb so even though I had been drinking and knew it was a mistake I called her asked her why.... obviously I was not dealing with the breakup yet and breakup brain was running things. So directly after that I read your article and implemented the no contact. So after a month and few days after getting in the gym, working on me, getting a great new job, and just overall focusing on my life and becoming more focused than I have been in years I reached out to her. I sent her a text but hadn't sent her the letter. Just light and about an musician I knew she likes... she didn't reapond. Then about a week and half later I heard something that her child would love to go to so I called her in the morning on my to work... she answered but just because she had overslept and I woke her up. We both said we should catch up and she said she'd call me that night.... but that didn't happen. I texted her the next day all upbeat but also because she had a bunch of my stuff and she just told me to talk to her parents because they had it. I haven't talked to her since. This was a few weeks ago. I have been casually dating....rebound really and focusing on work and my life but still believe deep down that I know where we both went wrong in the relationship and how to make sure it wouldn't happen again. I believe she maybe in a new relationship/ rebound as well. Since we aren't talking what are my options and what can be done to begin communication so that the option of getting back together is even possible? I'm really confused as to what to do from here and as much as I completely know I need her in my life I want both she and her child in mine. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Robert
Hey Robert,
I think she is trying to avoid communication with you because she is in a relationship and doesn't feel right about it. In such cases, it might be better to try some other means of communication, like email or facebook messages. Sometimes, they are afraid their boyfriend might check their messages and they don't respond to it. But they are more responsive to other more private forms of communications like emails.
If she still doesn't respond, then it'll be a good idea to leave her alone for another month (or two) and try again.
Hey Robert,
I think she is trying to avoid communication with you because she is in a relationship and doesn't feel right about it. In such cases, it might be better to try some other means of communication, like email or facebook messages. Sometimes, they are afraid their boyfriend might check their messages and they don't respond to it. But they are more responsive to other more private forms of communications like emails.
If she still doesn't respond, then it'll be a good idea to leave her alone for another month (or two) and try again.
Hey Robert,
I think she is trying to avoid communication with you because she is in a relationship and doesn't feel right about it. In such cases, it might be better to try some other means of communication, like email or facebook messages. Sometimes, they are afraid their boyfriend might check their messages and they don't respond to it. But they are more responsive to other more private forms of communications like emails.
If she still doesn't respond, then it'll be a good idea to leave her alone for another month (or two) and try again.
Robert, I don't have a comment from you. Did you use any other email when commenting?
No and I submitted it over a month ago. But to recap, I am 30 and my now ex is 24. We dated for a year and a half and we're talking about marriage and even looking at rings back in September. She has a child from before we met who we decided I would raise as my own. The biological father hadn't been involved for the first 2 years of their child's life but started coming around more often right around when my ex and started dating. So besides creating a relationship with just her I was becoming a dad to her child and dealing with the father. When we started dating it became such that anyone who saw us knew we were in looooove. We all moved into together in July and unfortunately at the same time I lost my high paying job. So that being said I took it very hard and kind of lost myself in worrying about finances as well as felt like I could take care of my family. We began arguing more often in December and at the beginning of January she broke up with me. So at that point I made the common mistakes of trying to convince her to change her mind, trying to be the best person I could to show her she was making the wrong choice, and giving in to her demands...even offering to help her when I didn't have to. Then, she moved into her new place and had a scary thing happen so I jumped right in and was there for her. Nothing romantic but as we were there her child was still calling me daddy and we slept in the same bed. We cuddled but nothing more. Then I left and the following night I noticed she had removed all of our pictures from fb so even though I had been drinking and knew it was a mistake I called her asked her why.... obviously I was not dealing with the breakup yet and breakup brain was running things. So directly after that I read your article and implemented the no contact. So after a month and few days after getting in the gym, working on me, getting a great new job, and just overall focusing on my life and becoming more focused than I have been in years I reached out to her. I sent her a text but hadn't sent her the letter. Just light and about an musician I knew she likes... she didn't reapond. Then about a week and half later I heard something that her child would love to go to so I called her in the morning on my to work... she answered but just because she had overslept and I woke her up. We both said we should catch up and she said she'd call me that night.... but that didn't happen. I texted her the next day all upbeat but also because she had a bunch of my stuff and she just told me to talk to her parents because they had it. I haven't talked to her since. This was a few weeks ago. I have been casually dating....rebound really and focusing on work and my life but still believe deep down that I know where we both went wrong in the relationship and how to make sure it wouldn't happen again. I believe she maybe in a new relationship/ rebound as well. Since we aren't talking what are my options and what can be done to begin communication so that the option of getting back together is even possible? I'm really confused as to what to do from here and as much as I completely know I need her in my life I want both she and her child in mine. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Robert
Robert, I don't have a comment from you. Did you use any other email when commenting?
Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago. At first we would talk like nothing happened but I couldn't take it anymore and decided we shouldn't talk. I had trouble keeping the no contact but I would never beg for us to be back with one another. We would talk back and forth off and on until she threw in my face that she was on her way to a date. I didn't speak to her for 40 days until her birthday. I decided to say happy birthday, we joked a little until she said we cant talk because its hard every time we do. I asked her I don't understand how I am fine with us talking because I know she is moving on but she is still struggling with it. She thinks we cant talk because its for the best. I asked her a few days after if she is talking to someone and im fine if she is but I would like to know so I can stop holding back because I am concerned with hurting her feelings if she sees something. She basically said im being rude and im throwing in her face that im dating and she doesn't want to hear it. All I wanted to know if she was talking to someone so I could stop holding back my fear of hurting her. She has been pretty horrible to me since the breakup and I have never stooped to her level. What do you guys think?
Do you want to get back together or do you want to move on? She definitely still has feelings for you. But if you want to move on, you should stop contact with her and actually move on. If you want to get back together, then you should follow the 5 step plan.
Do you want to get back together or do you want to move on? She definitely still has feelings for you. But if you want to move on, you should stop contact with her and actually move on. If you want to get back together, then you should follow the 5 step plan.
Hello,
I have a burning question to ask. I have been with a man for four years now, and out of no where last week, he dumped me. He said that he just doesn't feel it anymore, that he wants a new girlfriend. We broke up last Summer for about a month, and then he came back.
Except, love doesn't just disappear after four years does it? Will be come back, does he still love me? Why does he want someone new?
It's hard to say why does he want someone new, but yes, there is a good chance he will come back if you follow the plan. And no, love just doesn't disappear, but people change and so do their priorities. Perhaps this relationship wasn't a priority for him anymore.
It's hard to say why does he want someone new, but yes, there is a good chance he will come back if you follow the plan. And no, love just doesn't disappear, but people change and so do their priorities. Perhaps this relationship wasn't a priority for him anymore.
Hey Kevin. So it has been about two months since my ex and I broke up. He broke up with me because we were having a couple of problems (not on the level of cheating, though) and he felt he lost himself in the relationship and needed time and space to figure out what he wanted in life and where he wanted to be. But though he wanted space, he still loved me and he wanted us to move together towards the end of the summer. After me being needy and getting on his nerves, he told me that if we were to move, he wants to know if I could handle just being friends. I told him yes. I stopped contacting him as much, kept my distance, and I only responded when he contacted me. A couple of weeks ago, my ex and I hung out for the first time in a while. We ended up going to the club and got pretty drunk. Afterwards, we ended up at my house. We were beginning to have sex until an interruption came and he stopped. He said it wasn't right and that he loved and respected me too much to do that. He said we need to set boundaries and that can't happen again, at least not like that. As much as I wanted him, I understood. Embarrassing enough, I broke down and cried, told him how much I missed him, that I haven't had sex with anyone since him, that all I want was him. We hugged, kissed and parted ways. But since then, our communication has been cut off. He doesn't contact me anymore and I feel he's getting closer to other girls and drifting more apart from me. Where do I go from here? Does this drunk affection means he still loves and misses me? Do I go back to no contact? Do I start contacting him more? What does this mean for us?
Yes, it means he does love you and misses you. I think you should go back to no contact for a while (at least two weeks) and then start talking again. I think you took a step backwards by breaking down in front of him. That probably scared him and made him put his defenses up.
Yes, it means he does love you and misses you. I think you should go back to no contact for a while (at least two weeks) and then start talking again. I think you took a step backwards by breaking down in front of him. That probably scared him and made him put his defenses up.
Hi Kevin,
I was in a relationship with my ex for a little over 3 yrs now. Before we broke up about a month ago, she was spending a lot of time texting another guy from the internet. I got somewhat jealous of that and asked her why she was talking to him so much more than me. She said it was not "like that" when I asked her if she was planning to go out with him. I was playing a lot video games at that time and asked her why she wanted to be with me because all I did was play games. I told her why not just go out with that guy she hangs out with all the time. At this time, I was more frustrated and than having a fear of losing her.. but it all changed after I lost her. After one to two days, she said she didn't really want to be with me anymore. I felt heartbroken because I couldn't understand what I did wrong. I wanted to see her to talk to her and she said no. But I pushed it further and acted really needy. I've started to miss her more than ever before after that, it was like I couldn't live without her. After a week or so with this sorrow in my heart, I still couldn't believe what I said made her leave. One day, I was at my apartment one day and drank about 4 shots of alcohol and then went over to her place. She was furious because she didn't want me to go over there. I apologized the next day for doing what I did. I just felt sad and didn't understand the true reason why we broke up. I asked her if she would give me a chance in the future, she said she doesn't know and told me that all of this obsessiveness is unattractive. I understood what she meant and realized that I wouldn't want to live a life that way either, I didn't want to be the one always trying to contact her. It's been a good 3 years that we were together and I had many memories of her, and I've sent an email with photos of us together, she asked why I did that and I told her that she has shaped my life.
I know that she still hangs out with that guy and his friends to do homework and study. Everyday I asked her if she wanted to go eat with me but she would tell me she is busy.
It just feels like she won't contact me if I don't message or text her. I'm still jealous that she will go out with someone and forget about me. I just couldn't believe that what I have said made her leave me.
Right now, my feelings for her cooled down a little bit. I'm currently on NC and today is the 2-3 day. I still have memories of her whenever I do something or see other couples together. It is hard to forget her and I don't really want to forget her. I still love her and want her to be in my life in the future.
Recently, I've been starting to go swimming and played less games and have been focusing on school work. I know that NC will benefit me because it allows me to change. Now that I think about it, it's actually a good thing that we broke up because it made me realize my mistakes and that I can become a better person. I'm just still worried that she wont contact me and still jealous of her hanging out with that guy.
Actually, I'm afraid that I will be the one that will forget her. I don't really want to go looking for another girl to be with.. I would just like to know if we have a good chance of getting back together. Could you give me some advice on what I should do, should I continue with NC and for how long? What happens if she does actually message me during NC, do you think it's a good idea to try and hangout with her again? (But I doubt this would happen)
You should continue no contact for at least 30 days. If she contacts you, ignore her. If she continues contacting you, tell her you need some space and time and then continue no contact. Just follow the plan.
Hey Kevin.. so today I saw my ex holding hands with that guy she always texts to... I was so close to texting her, but I just didn't know what to say and didn't want to act needy. I know I can't change her decisions for staying with him or not. I miss her and love her a lot, I don't know what I should do. I want to contact her so badly but that will only act like I need her back in my life. It's only been 4-5 days since no contact and she hasn't replied and is going out with someone. It is hard to believe that their relationship is a rebound relationship even though she only met him. I am so heart broken right now because my memories with her cannot go away and I keep thinking about her everything I do or go, is there a chance for me anymore?Please give me some advice on what I should do... thanks Kevin.
It is most probably a rebound relationship Edward. You do have a chance.
Hi Kevin,
After I've had a school counselor meeting today, I've contacted my ex to wonder if she was taking any classes in the fall. I would like to take a class with her so I had a casual conversation with her. After a couple of texts/fb messages here and there, she just responded with "idk". I've also asked her if she would like to hangout and eat today, but she replied with having to study. Later on, after my class, I saw her holding hands with that guy again as they have walked to the bus stop to his place or somewhere. It hurts me every time I see them together because it makes me think of what I have done to deserve this because that could have been me with her.
So later on that night, I asked her why she was so cold to me lately and why she was avoiding me. She just says that she has been doing homework and studying everyday and that she hadn't had the time to do anything else. I find that really hard to believe because I know that she is hiding her relationship with the other guy and that she has been avoiding contact with me. I told her that I know she's been busy and that she still didn't have to be so cold to me. She said that she was sorry and that she still misses me and that it makes her sad when she looks at the stuffed bears I gave her. I told her I missed them, and she would ask if I want them. I asked her why is she trying to forget me and told and avoid me and that I knew she was busy but I was sure that she'd have some time free. She says she's not avoiding me and that she doesn't do anything but stay home or go class. Then I asked if I could meet her to talk to her but she just says to tell her what I have to say over FB. I insisted on asking to meet her to talk about it, but she found me annoying. Soon, I dropped the topic and changed it to having memories of her where I ate with her. I also suggested some restaurants and that we should try someday. Although I got the conversation going a bit, but it started to die down after a while.
Kevin, there are couple of things I'd like to know.. first off why is she hiding her relationship from me? Why would she tell me that she is going to class/studying when she was probably at the other guy's place. Secondly, how come she doesn't know if she would take a class with me? I am trying to show her that I care about our future (probably one of the reasons why we broke up) and try to make plans with getting to her but she keeps shutting me down. Lastly, why is it so hard for me to get in touch with her? I know it was late at night when I asked to see her to talk about our situation, but she will be busy during the day with the other guy so when is it ever a good time? Why does every time I have a conversation with her (once every 5 days or so), it ends so soon? She has been really cold to me lately by showing not much responses to my texts/fb, and keeps telling me that she was busy when obviously she is with someone else. Please help me as I am lost to the answers to these questions and I don't know what is going on in her mind.
Hi Kevin,
It is just hard to see her holding hands with someone else and think of the things they might do together. It just seems that they are so happy together like a fresh relationship. It's just hard to accept the fact that she might find him better than me and will forget me forever. She is just that type of girl that won't show how much she misses me and will try and forget me, so I don't think I will receive any messages during this time. I will start NC again and try to be best I can. I will contact you back in a month when I have progressed on. I have already read your article about how to get in touch with her again, please send me some more email as to what else to write in my letter when I want to get back in touch with her. Thank you for all the advice and responses you have given me.
Hey Kevin,
I just don't know what to do anymore...I have tried to apologize for the way I have acted, and tried to get in contact with her just to meet up as friends. She just tells me that she is busy and doing homework, when the fact is that she is hiding the relationship from me and when I ask her if she was with someone, she wouldn't reply to me at all. It's like she is trying to forget the memories and history that we had together. It's hard for me to try and reach out to her because her responses seemed like no interest. It is hard for me to accept the fact that the three years of moments that we shared together will be gone this way. I feel like she didn't get into a relationship just for rebound, she probably got into it because she wants to see if he is the right and better person than I am. I know I haven't been doing no contact, do I still have any chance left? What should I do starting now?
You do have a chance and you should start no contact and keep doing it until you stop obsessing over and start feeling happy in your life.
You do have a chance and you should start no contact and keep doing it until you stop obsessing over and start feeling happy in your life.
You do have a chance and you should start no contact and keep doing it until you stop obsessing over and start feeling happy in your life.
You do have a chance and you should start no contact and keep doing it until you stop obsessing over and start feeling happy in your life.
You do have a chance and you should start no contact and keep doing it until you stop obsessing over and start feeling happy in your life.
You do have a chance and you should start no contact and keep doing it until you stop obsessing over and start feeling happy in your life.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the emails you have sent me, I find it really helpful to keep myself positive and stay on track. It mentions that says the longer you wait, the harder it will become to get her back and that I have to use psychological triggers and keep pressing on it. Am I going on the right track, by trying to get my genuine traits back while I am on NC? But after NC, if I try to contact her again as a friend, wouldn't she want to stop being bothered because she is in a relationship with someone else?
No, she won't. 1. Because her relationship is probably a rebound and is not that important for her. 2. She will probably miss since she didn't have the time to get over you. Hearing from you will be a pleasant surprise and she will probably want to continue being in touch with you.
No, she won't. 1. Because her relationship is probably a rebound and is not that important for her. 2. She will probably miss since she didn't have the time to get over you. Hearing from you will be a pleasant surprise and she will probably want to continue being in touch with you.
No, she won't. 1. Because her relationship is probably a rebound and is not that important for her. 2. She will probably miss since she didn't have the time to get over you. Hearing from you will be a pleasant surprise and she will probably want to continue being in touch with you.
No, she won't. 1. Because her relationship is probably a rebound and is not that important for her. 2. She will probably miss since she didn't have the time to get over you. Hearing from you will be a pleasant surprise and she will probably want to continue being in touch with you.
No, she won't. 1. Because her relationship is probably a rebound and is not that important for her. 2. She will probably miss since she didn't have the time to get over you. Hearing from you will be a pleasant surprise and she will probably want to continue being in touch with you.
No, she won't. 1. Because her relationship is probably a rebound and is not that important for her. 2. She will probably miss since she didn't have the time to get over you. Hearing from you will be a pleasant surprise and she will probably want to continue being in touch with you.
Hi Kevin,
I probably shouldn't have done this, but it just didn't feel right for me not to. Today, I have msged my ex through FB and told her that I had a confession to make. After that I told her that I have accepted our breakup and understood that we are no longer together. I also apologized for the needy and obsessive ways that I have acted after breakup. I told her that I hope that we could still be friends, but she didn't respond to me. Soon after I have changed topic to school she would start to talk to me, but the responses were short and didn't seem too interested. It is probably because she is in a new relationship with the new guy.
The reason why I broke NC and messaged her because it did NOT feel right and that I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her in my life anymore. Before I started NC 5 days ago, I was texting her on FB and on the phone but she didn't reply. A day before that (6 days ago), we met and I brought her food because she said it was okay for me and we had a brief connection. So I'm assuming that this relationship with the new guy started within the 5 days.. and I couldn't just let her think I had ignore her. I have shown no neediness or obsessive behaviors during this time that I have contacted her.
I am thinking.. should start NC again or still stay in contact with her by asking her out once in a while?? Please explain the difference..because she wont open up to me!! I feel like I might lose my chance if I continue NC (she is very unlikely to start any type of conversation with me right now) How can I attract her by not talking to her? I don't want to act needy or start obsessing again before NC started and I know that I'm not supposed to do anything with their relationship and be cool with it because it is her decision whether to get back to me or not. She still HAS NOT told me about her new relationship with the new guy because I found that out myself when I spotted her holding hands with him. Please give me some advice of what I should and should not do, as I don't want to mess up the chance I have for getting with her.. if I still have any left.. has my chances of getting back together with her dropped a little because of this? Help..!
In my opinion, you should start no contact again. What you did wasn't very helpful, as you might have guessed seeing how cold she was. But you do still have a chance. You have to be OK with the fact that you might lose her forever. You have to learn to be happy without her in your life. Until then, you should not contact her.
In my opinion, you should start no contact again. What you did wasn't very helpful, as you might have guessed seeing how cold she was. But you do still have a chance. You have to be OK with the fact that you might lose her forever. You have to learn to be happy without her in your life. Until then, you should not contact her.
In my opinion, you should start no contact again. What you did wasn't very helpful, as you might have guessed seeing how cold she was. But you do still have a chance. You have to be OK with the fact that you might lose her forever. You have to learn to be happy without her in your life. Until then, you should not contact her.
In my opinion, you should start no contact again. What you did wasn't very helpful, as you might have guessed seeing how cold she was. But you do still have a chance. You have to be OK with the fact that you might lose her forever. You have to learn to be happy without her in your life. Until then, you should not contact her.
In my opinion, you should start no contact again. What you did wasn't very helpful, as you might have guessed seeing how cold she was. But you do still have a chance. You have to be OK with the fact that you might lose her forever. You have to learn to be happy without her in your life. Until then, you should not contact her.
In my opinion, you should start no contact again. What you did wasn't very helpful, as you might have guessed seeing how cold she was. But you do still have a chance. You have to be OK with the fact that you might lose her forever. You have to learn to be happy without her in your life. Until then, you should not contact her.
Hey Kevin,
This is our first relationship for three years, and I know that there is a high chance that she might not contact me during NC because she was a shy person when I first met her online then in person. I know it's her decision to choose between us, my NC is over mid May assuming I keep it up, and in mid-June she will go back home. During this time, she and the new guy will only get closer and I know there is nothing I can do but accept that for now. Maybe things will change and she contacts me, should I continue to ignore her response? Wouldn't my ignorance to her message (if she does send me one) imply that I don't want her and that would increase the chance for her with the other guy? But if she still hasn't contacted me after NC, how should I respond to her if I were to contact her after and she says that she is currently in a relationship? After all, I didn't do something THAT bad to make her leave, it might just be that she wants to be with someone else (maybe GIGS?), to find a better person for her future?
If you think not responding to her is risky, then tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. How you should contact her is already covered in the article. Her being in a relationship will have nothing to do with you contacting her because you won't be contacting her to get back together.
If you think not responding to her is risky, then tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. How you should contact her is already covered in the article. Her being in a relationship will have nothing to do with you contacting her because you won't be contacting her to get back together.
If you think not responding to her is risky, then tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. How you should contact her is already covered in the article. Her being in a relationship will have nothing to do with you contacting her because you won't be contacting her to get back together.
If you think not responding to her is risky, then tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. How you should contact her is already covered in the article. Her being in a relationship will have nothing to do with you contacting her because you won't be contacting her to get back together.
If you think not responding to her is risky, then tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. How you should contact her is already covered in the article. Her being in a relationship will have nothing to do with you contacting her because you won't be contacting her to get back together.
If you think not responding to her is risky, then tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. How you should contact her is already covered in the article. Her being in a relationship will have nothing to do with you contacting her because you won't be contacting her to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
After I've had a school counselor meeting today, I've contacted my ex to wonder if she was taking any classes in the fall. I would like to take a class with her so I had a casual conversation with her. After a couple of texts/fb messages here and there, she just responded with "idk". I've also asked her if she would like to hangout and eat today, but she replied with having to study. Later on, after my class, I saw her holding hands with that guy again as they have walked to the bus stop to his place or somewhere. It hurts me every time I see them together because it makes me think of what I have done to deserve this because that could have been me with her.
So later on that night, I asked her why she was so cold to me lately and why she was avoiding me. She just says that she has been doing homework and studying everyday and that she hadn't had the time to do anything else. I find that really hard to believe because I know that she is hiding her relationship with the other guy and that she has been avoiding contact with me. I told her that I know she's been busy and that she still didn't have to be so cold to me. She said that she was sorry and that she still misses me and that it makes her sad when she looks at the stuffed bears I gave her. I told her I missed them, and she would ask if I want them. I asked her why is she trying to forget me and told and avoid me and that I knew she was busy but I was sure that she'd have some time free. She says she's not avoiding me and that she doesn't do anything but stay home or go class. Then I asked if I could meet her to talk to her but she just says to tell her what I have to say over FB. I insisted on asking to meet her to talk about it, but she found me annoying. Soon, I dropped the topic and changed it to having memories of her where I ate with her. I also suggested some restaurants and that we should try someday. Although I got the conversation going a bit, but it started to die down after a while.
Kevin, there are couple of things I'd like to know.. first off why is she hiding her relationship from me? Why would she tell me that she is going to class/studying when she was probably at the other guy's place. Secondly, how come she doesn't know if she would take a class with me? I am trying to show her that I care about our future (probably one of the reasons why we broke up) and try to make plans with getting to her but she keeps shutting me down. Lastly, why is it so hard for me to get in touch with her? I know it was late at night when I asked to see her to talk about our situation, but she will be busy during the day with the other guy so when is it ever a good time? Why does every time I have a conversation with her (once every 5 days or so), it ends so soon? She has been really cold to me lately by showing not much responses to my texts/fb, and keeps telling me that she was busy when obviously she is with someone else. Please help me as I am lost to the answers to these questions and I don't know what is going on in her mind.
Hi Kevin,
It is just hard to see her holding hands with someone else and think of the things they might do together. It just seems that they are so happy together like a fresh relationship. It's just hard to accept the fact that she might find him better than me and will forget me forever. She is just that type of girl that won't show how much she misses me and will try and forget me, so I don't think I will receive any messages during this time. I will start NC again and try to be best I can. I will contact you back in a month when I have progressed on. I have already read your article about how to get in touch with her again, please send me some more email as to what else to write in my letter when I want to get back in touch with her. Thank you for all the advice and responses you have given me.
Hey Kevin,
I just don't know what to do anymore...I have tried to apologize for the way I have acted, and tried to get in contact with her just to meet up as friends. She just tells me that she is busy and doing homework, when the fact is that she is hiding the relationship from me and when I ask her if she was with someone, she wouldn't reply to me at all. It's like she is trying to forget the memories and history that we had together. It's hard for me to try and reach out to her because her responses seemed like no interest. It is hard for me to accept the fact that the three years of moments that we shared together will be gone this way. I feel like she didn't get into a relationship just for rebound, she probably got into it because she wants to see if he is the right and better person than I am. I know I haven't been doing no contact, do I still have any chance left? What should I do starting now?
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the emails you have sent me, I find it really helpful to keep myself positive and stay on track. It mentions that says the longer you wait, the harder it will become to get her back and that I have to use psychological triggers and keep pressing on it. Am I going on the right track, by trying to get my genuine traits back while I am on NC? But after NC, if I try to contact her again as a friend, wouldn't she want to stop being bothered because she is in a relationship with someone else?
Hi Kevin,
I probably shouldn't have done this, but it just didn't feel right for me not to. Today, I have msged my ex through FB and told her that I had a confession to make. After that I told her that I have accepted our breakup and understood that we are no longer together. I also apologized for the needy and obsessive ways that I have acted after breakup. I told her that I hope that we could still be friends, but she didn't respond to me. Soon after I have changed topic to school she would start to talk to me, but the responses were short and didn't seem too interested. It is probably because she is in a new relationship with the new guy.
The reason why I broke NC and messaged her because it did NOT feel right and that I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her in my life anymore. Before I started NC 5 days ago, I was texting her on FB and on the phone but she didn't reply. A day before that (6 days ago), we met and I brought her food because she said it was okay for me and we had a brief connection. So I'm assuming that this relationship with the new guy started within the 5 days.. and I couldn't just let her think I had ignore her. I have shown no neediness or obsessive behaviors during this time that I have contacted her.
I am thinking.. should start NC again or still stay in contact with her by asking her out once in a while?? Please explain the difference..because she wont open up to me!! I feel like I might lose my chance if I continue NC (she is very unlikely to start any type of conversation with me right now) How can I attract her by not talking to her? I don't want to act needy or start obsessing again before NC started and I know that I'm not supposed to do anything with their relationship and be cool with it because it is her decision whether to get back to me or not. She still HAS NOT told me about her new relationship with the new guy because I found that out myself when I spotted her holding hands with him. Please give me some advice of what I should and should not do, as I don't want to mess up the chance I have for getting with her.. if I still have any left.. has my chances of getting back together with her dropped a little because of this? Help..!
Hey Kevin,
This is our first relationship for three years, and I know that there is a high chance that she might not contact me during NC because she was a shy person when I first met her online then in person. I know it's her decision to choose between us, my NC is over mid May assuming I keep it up, and in mid-June she will go back home. During this time, she and the new guy will only get closer and I know there is nothing I can do but accept that for now. Maybe things will change and she contacts me, should I continue to ignore her response? Wouldn't my ignorance to her message (if she does send me one) imply that I don't want her and that would increase the chance for her with the other guy? But if she still hasn't contacted me after NC, how should I respond to her if I were to contact her after and she says that she is currently in a relationship? After all, I didn't do something THAT bad to make her leave, it might just be that she wants to be with someone else (maybe GIGS?), to find a better person for her future?
Hi Kevin,
After I've had a school counselor meeting today, I've contacted my ex to wonder if she was taking any classes in the fall. I would like to take a class with her so I had a casual conversation with her. After a couple of texts/fb messages here and there, she just responded with "idk". I've also asked her if she would like to hangout and eat today, but she replied with having to study. Later on, after my class, I saw her holding hands with that guy again as they have walked to the bus stop to his place or somewhere. It hurts me every time I see them together because it makes me think of what I have done to deserve this because that could have been me with her.
So later on that night, I asked her why she was so cold to me lately and why she was avoiding me. She just says that she has been doing homework and studying everyday and that she hadn't had the time to do anything else. I find that really hard to believe because I know that she is hiding her relationship with the other guy and that she has been avoiding contact with me. I told her that I know she's been busy and that she still didn't have to be so cold to me. She said that she was sorry and that she still misses me and that it makes her sad when she looks at the stuffed bears I gave her. I told her I missed them, and she would ask if I want them. I asked her why is she trying to forget me and told and avoid me and that I knew she was busy but I was sure that she'd have some time free. She says she's not avoiding me and that she doesn't do anything but stay home or go class. Then I asked if I could meet her to talk to her but she just says to tell her what I have to say over FB. I insisted on asking to meet her to talk about it, but she found me annoying. Soon, I dropped the topic and changed it to having memories of her where I ate with her. I also suggested some restaurants and that we should try someday. Although I got the conversation going a bit, but it started to die down after a while.
Kevin, there are couple of things I'd like to know.. first off why is she hiding her relationship from me? Why would she tell me that she is going to class/studying when she was probably at the other guy's place. Secondly, how come she doesn't know if she would take a class with me? I am trying to show her that I care about our future (probably one of the reasons why we broke up) and try to make plans with getting to her but she keeps shutting me down. Lastly, why is it so hard for me to get in touch with her? I know it was late at night when I asked to see her to talk about our situation, but she will be busy during the day with the other guy so when is it ever a good time? Why does every time I have a conversation with her (once every 5 days or so), it ends so soon? She has been really cold to me lately by showing not much responses to my texts/fb, and keeps telling me that she was busy when obviously she is with someone else. Please help me as I am lost to the answers to these questions and I don't know what is going on in her mind.
Hi Kevin,
It is just hard to see her holding hands with someone else and think of the things they might do together. It just seems that they are so happy together like a fresh relationship. It's just hard to accept the fact that she might find him better than me and will forget me forever. She is just that type of girl that won't show how much she misses me and will try and forget me, so I don't think I will receive any messages during this time. I will start NC again and try to be best I can. I will contact you back in a month when I have progressed on. I have already read your article about how to get in touch with her again, please send me some more email as to what else to write in my letter when I want to get back in touch with her. Thank you for all the advice and responses you have given me.
Hey Kevin,
I just don't know what to do anymore...I have tried to apologize for the way I have acted, and tried to get in contact with her just to meet up as friends. She just tells me that she is busy and doing homework, when the fact is that she is hiding the relationship from me and when I ask her if she was with someone, she wouldn't reply to me at all. It's like she is trying to forget the memories and history that we had together. It's hard for me to try and reach out to her because her responses seemed like no interest. It is hard for me to accept the fact that the three years of moments that we shared together will be gone this way. I feel like she didn't get into a relationship just for rebound, she probably got into it because she wants to see if he is the right and better person than I am. I know I haven't been doing no contact, do I still have any chance left? What should I do starting now?
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the emails you have sent me, I find it really helpful to keep myself positive and stay on track. It mentions that says the longer you wait, the harder it will become to get her back and that I have to use psychological triggers and keep pressing on it. Am I going on the right track, by trying to get my genuine traits back while I am on NC? But after NC, if I try to contact her again as a friend, wouldn't she want to stop being bothered because she is in a relationship with someone else?
Hi Kevin,
I probably shouldn't have done this, but it just didn't feel right for me not to. Today, I have msged my ex through FB and told her that I had a confession to make. After that I told her that I have accepted our breakup and understood that we are no longer together. I also apologized for the needy and obsessive ways that I have acted after breakup. I told her that I hope that we could still be friends, but she didn't respond to me. Soon after I have changed topic to school she would start to talk to me, but the responses were short and didn't seem too interested. It is probably because she is in a new relationship with the new guy.
The reason why I broke NC and messaged her because it did NOT feel right and that I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her in my life anymore. Before I started NC 5 days ago, I was texting her on FB and on the phone but she didn't reply. A day before that (6 days ago), we met and I brought her food because she said it was okay for me and we had a brief connection. So I'm assuming that this relationship with the new guy started within the 5 days.. and I couldn't just let her think I had ignore her. I have shown no neediness or obsessive behaviors during this time that I have contacted her.
I am thinking.. should start NC again or still stay in contact with her by asking her out once in a while?? Please explain the difference..because she wont open up to me!! I feel like I might lose my chance if I continue NC (she is very unlikely to start any type of conversation with me right now) How can I attract her by not talking to her? I don't want to act needy or start obsessing again before NC started and I know that I'm not supposed to do anything with their relationship and be cool with it because it is her decision whether to get back to me or not. She still HAS NOT told me about her new relationship with the new guy because I found that out myself when I spotted her holding hands with him. Please give me some advice of what I should and should not do, as I don't want to mess up the chance I have for getting with her.. if I still have any left.. has my chances of getting back together with her dropped a little because of this? Help..!
Hey Kevin,
This is our first relationship for three years, and I know that there is a high chance that she might not contact me during NC because she was a shy person when I first met her online then in person. I know it's her decision to choose between us, my NC is over mid May assuming I keep it up, and in mid-June she will go back home. During this time, she and the new guy will only get closer and I know there is nothing I can do but accept that for now. Maybe things will change and she contacts me, should I continue to ignore her response? Wouldn't my ignorance to her message (if she does send me one) imply that I don't want her and that would increase the chance for her with the other guy? But if she still hasn't contacted me after NC, how should I respond to her if I were to contact her after and she says that she is currently in a relationship? After all, I didn't do something THAT bad to make her leave, it might just be that she wants to be with someone else (maybe GIGS?), to find a better person for her future?
Hi Kevin,
After I've had a school counselor meeting today, I've contacted my ex to wonder if she was taking any classes in the fall. I would like to take a class with her so I had a casual conversation with her. After a couple of texts/fb messages here and there, she just responded with "idk". I've also asked her if she would like to hangout and eat today, but she replied with having to study. Later on, after my class, I saw her holding hands with that guy again as they have walked to the bus stop to his place or somewhere. It hurts me every time I see them together because it makes me think of what I have done to deserve this because that could have been me with her.
So later on that night, I asked her why she was so cold to me lately and why she was avoiding me. She just says that she has been doing homework and studying everyday and that she hadn't had the time to do anything else. I find that really hard to believe because I know that she is hiding her relationship with the other guy and that she has been avoiding contact with me. I told her that I know she's been busy and that she still didn't have to be so cold to me. She said that she was sorry and that she still misses me and that it makes her sad when she looks at the stuffed bears I gave her. I told her I missed them, and she would ask if I want them. I asked her why is she trying to forget me and told and avoid me and that I knew she was busy but I was sure that she'd have some time free. She says she's not avoiding me and that she doesn't do anything but stay home or go class. Then I asked if I could meet her to talk to her but she just says to tell her what I have to say over FB. I insisted on asking to meet her to talk about it, but she found me annoying. Soon, I dropped the topic and changed it to having memories of her where I ate with her. I also suggested some restaurants and that we should try someday. Although I got the conversation going a bit, but it started to die down after a while.
Kevin, there are couple of things I'd like to know.. first off why is she hiding her relationship from me? Why would she tell me that she is going to class/studying when she was probably at the other guy's place. Secondly, how come she doesn't know if she would take a class with me? I am trying to show her that I care about our future (probably one of the reasons why we broke up) and try to make plans with getting to her but she keeps shutting me down. Lastly, why is it so hard for me to get in touch with her? I know it was late at night when I asked to see her to talk about our situation, but she will be busy during the day with the other guy so when is it ever a good time? Why does every time I have a conversation with her (once every 5 days or so), it ends so soon? She has been really cold to me lately by showing not much responses to my texts/fb, and keeps telling me that she was busy when obviously she is with someone else. Please help me as I am lost to the answers to these questions and I don't know what is going on in her mind.
Hi Kevin,
It is just hard to see her holding hands with someone else and think of the things they might do together. It just seems that they are so happy together like a fresh relationship. It's just hard to accept the fact that she might find him better than me and will forget me forever. She is just that type of girl that won't show how much she misses me and will try and forget me, so I don't think I will receive any messages during this time. I will start NC again and try to be best I can. I will contact you back in a month when I have progressed on. I have already read your article about how to get in touch with her again, please send me some more email as to what else to write in my letter when I want to get back in touch with her. Thank you for all the advice and responses you have given me.
Hey Kevin,
I just don't know what to do anymore...I have tried to apologize for the way I have acted, and tried to get in contact with her just to meet up as friends. She just tells me that she is busy and doing homework, when the fact is that she is hiding the relationship from me and when I ask her if she was with someone, she wouldn't reply to me at all. It's like she is trying to forget the memories and history that we had together. It's hard for me to try and reach out to her because her responses seemed like no interest. It is hard for me to accept the fact that the three years of moments that we shared together will be gone this way. I feel like she didn't get into a relationship just for rebound, she probably got into it because she wants to see if he is the right and better person than I am. I know I haven't been doing no contact, do I still have any chance left? What should I do starting now?
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the emails you have sent me, I find it really helpful to keep myself positive and stay on track. It mentions that says the longer you wait, the harder it will become to get her back and that I have to use psychological triggers and keep pressing on it. Am I going on the right track, by trying to get my genuine traits back while I am on NC? But after NC, if I try to contact her again as a friend, wouldn't she want to stop being bothered because she is in a relationship with someone else?
Hi Kevin,
I probably shouldn't have done this, but it just didn't feel right for me not to. Today, I have msged my ex through FB and told her that I had a confession to make. After that I told her that I have accepted our breakup and understood that we are no longer together. I also apologized for the needy and obsessive ways that I have acted after breakup. I told her that I hope that we could still be friends, but she didn't respond to me. Soon after I have changed topic to school she would start to talk to me, but the responses were short and didn't seem too interested. It is probably because she is in a new relationship with the new guy.
The reason why I broke NC and messaged her because it did NOT feel right and that I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her in my life anymore. Before I started NC 5 days ago, I was texting her on FB and on the phone but she didn't reply. A day before that (6 days ago), we met and I brought her food because she said it was okay for me and we had a brief connection. So I'm assuming that this relationship with the new guy started within the 5 days.. and I couldn't just let her think I had ignore her. I have shown no neediness or obsessive behaviors during this time that I have contacted her.
I am thinking.. should start NC again or still stay in contact with her by asking her out once in a while?? Please explain the difference..because she wont open up to me!! I feel like I might lose my chance if I continue NC (she is very unlikely to start any type of conversation with me right now) How can I attract her by not talking to her? I don't want to act needy or start obsessing again before NC started and I know that I'm not supposed to do anything with their relationship and be cool with it because it is her decision whether to get back to me or not. She still HAS NOT told me about her new relationship with the new guy because I found that out myself when I spotted her holding hands with him. Please give me some advice of what I should and should not do, as I don't want to mess up the chance I have for getting with her.. if I still have any left.. has my chances of getting back together with her dropped a little because of this? Help..!
Hey Kevin,
This is our first relationship for three years, and I know that there is a high chance that she might not contact me during NC because she was a shy person when I first met her online then in person. I know it's her decision to choose between us, my NC is over mid May assuming I keep it up, and in mid-June she will go back home. During this time, she and the new guy will only get closer and I know there is nothing I can do but accept that for now. Maybe things will change and she contacts me, should I continue to ignore her response? Wouldn't my ignorance to her message (if she does send me one) imply that I don't want her and that would increase the chance for her with the other guy? But if she still hasn't contacted me after NC, how should I respond to her if I were to contact her after and she says that she is currently in a relationship? After all, I didn't do something THAT bad to make her leave, it might just be that she wants to be with someone else (maybe GIGS?), to find a better person for her future?
Hi Kevin,
After I've had a school counselor meeting today, I've contacted my ex to wonder if she was taking any classes in the fall. I would like to take a class with her so I had a casual conversation with her. After a couple of texts/fb messages here and there, she just responded with "idk". I've also asked her if she would like to hangout and eat today, but she replied with having to study. Later on, after my class, I saw her holding hands with that guy again as they have walked to the bus stop to his place or somewhere. It hurts me every time I see them together because it makes me think of what I have done to deserve this because that could have been me with her.
So later on that night, I asked her why she was so cold to me lately and why she was avoiding me. She just says that she has been doing homework and studying everyday and that she hadn't had the time to do anything else. I find that really hard to believe because I know that she is hiding her relationship with the other guy and that she has been avoiding contact with me. I told her that I know she's been busy and that she still didn't have to be so cold to me. She said that she was sorry and that she still misses me and that it makes her sad when she looks at the stuffed bears I gave her. I told her I missed them, and she would ask if I want them. I asked her why is she trying to forget me and told and avoid me and that I knew she was busy but I was sure that she'd have some time free. She says she's not avoiding me and that she doesn't do anything but stay home or go class. Then I asked if I could meet her to talk to her but she just says to tell her what I have to say over FB. I insisted on asking to meet her to talk about it, but she found me annoying. Soon, I dropped the topic and changed it to having memories of her where I ate with her. I also suggested some restaurants and that we should try someday. Although I got the conversation going a bit, but it started to die down after a while.
Kevin, there are couple of things I'd like to know.. first off why is she hiding her relationship from me? Why would she tell me that she is going to class/studying when she was probably at the other guy's place. Secondly, how come she doesn't know if she would take a class with me? I am trying to show her that I care about our future (probably one of the reasons why we broke up) and try to make plans with getting to her but she keeps shutting me down. Lastly, why is it so hard for me to get in touch with her? I know it was late at night when I asked to see her to talk about our situation, but she will be busy during the day with the other guy so when is it ever a good time? Why does every time I have a conversation with her (once every 5 days or so), it ends so soon? She has been really cold to me lately by showing not much responses to my texts/fb, and keeps telling me that she was busy when obviously she is with someone else. Please help me as I am lost to the answers to these questions and I don't know what is going on in her mind.
Hi Kevin,
It is just hard to see her holding hands with someone else and think of the things they might do together. It just seems that they are so happy together like a fresh relationship. It's just hard to accept the fact that she might find him better than me and will forget me forever. She is just that type of girl that won't show how much she misses me and will try and forget me, so I don't think I will receive any messages during this time. I will start NC again and try to be best I can. I will contact you back in a month when I have progressed on. I have already read your article about how to get in touch with her again, please send me some more email as to what else to write in my letter when I want to get back in touch with her. Thank you for all the advice and responses you have given me.
Hey Kevin,
I just don't know what to do anymore...I have tried to apologize for the way I have acted, and tried to get in contact with her just to meet up as friends. She just tells me that she is busy and doing homework, when the fact is that she is hiding the relationship from me and when I ask her if she was with someone, she wouldn't reply to me at all. It's like she is trying to forget the memories and history that we had together. It's hard for me to try and reach out to her because her responses seemed like no interest. It is hard for me to accept the fact that the three years of moments that we shared together will be gone this way. I feel like she didn't get into a relationship just for rebound, she probably got into it because she wants to see if he is the right and better person than I am. I know I haven't been doing no contact, do I still have any chance left? What should I do starting now?
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for the emails you have sent me, I find it really helpful to keep myself positive and stay on track. It mentions that says the longer you wait, the harder it will become to get her back and that I have to use psychological triggers and keep pressing on it. Am I going on the right track, by trying to get my genuine traits back while I am on NC? But after NC, if I try to contact her again as a friend, wouldn't she want to stop being bothered because she is in a relationship with someone else?
Hi Kevin,
I probably shouldn't have done this, but it just didn't feel right for me not to. Today, I have msged my ex through FB and told her that I had a confession to make. After that I told her that I have accepted our breakup and understood that we are no longer together. I also apologized for the needy and obsessive ways that I have acted after breakup. I told her that I hope that we could still be friends, but she didn't respond to me. Soon after I have changed topic to school she would start to talk to me, but the responses were short and didn't seem too interested. It is probably because she is in a new relationship with the new guy.
The reason why I broke NC and messaged her because it did NOT feel right and that I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her in my life anymore. Before I started NC 5 days ago, I was texting her on FB and on the phone but she didn't reply. A day before that (6 days ago), we met and I brought her food because she said it was okay for me and we had a brief connection. So I'm assuming that this relationship with the new guy started within the 5 days.. and I couldn't just let her think I had ignore her. I have shown no neediness or obsessive behaviors during this time that I have contacted her.
I am thinking.. should start NC again or still stay in contact with her by asking her out once in a while?? Please explain the difference..because she wont open up to me!! I feel like I might lose my chance if I continue NC (she is very unlikely to start any type of conversation with me right now) How can I attract her by not talking to her? I don't want to act needy or start obsessing again before NC started and I know that I'm not supposed to do anything with their relationship and be cool with it because it is her decision whether to get back to me or not. She still HAS NOT told me about her new relationship with the new guy because I found that out myself when I spotted her holding hands with him. Please give me some advice of what I should and should not do, as I don't want to mess up the chance I have for getting with her.. if I still have any left.. has my chances of getting back together with her dropped a little because of this? Help..!
Hey Kevin,
This is our first relationship for three years, and I know that there is a high chance that she might not contact me during NC because she was a shy person when I first met her online then in person. I know it's her decision to choose between us, my NC is over mid May assuming I keep it up, and in mid-June she will go back home. During this time, she and the new guy will only get closer and I know there is nothing I can do but accept that for now. Maybe things will change and she contacts me, should I continue to ignore her response? Wouldn't my ignorance to her message (if she does send me one) imply that I don't want her and that would increase the chance for her with the other guy? But if she still hasn't contacted me after NC, how should I respond to her if I were to contact her after and she says that she is currently in a relationship? After all, I didn't do something THAT bad to make her leave, it might just be that she wants to be with someone else (maybe GIGS?), to find a better person for her future?
Hey Kevin,
I've just gotten your email about how she is already with someone else during breakup. I know that their relationship isn't as close between me and her because we have been together longer, but what should I do about it? They are ONLY going to get closer and get to know each other more as time goes on. What if she is not looking for ME inside of him, what if she is looking for someone else to be with for her future? I know my mistakes now and I can prove that we can have a great future together by doing things together. After no contact, how am I supposed to approach her to give her the letter I want to write? I still find it hard to believe that if I ignore her while she is together with someone will make them realize how much she miss me... or even give me an opportunity to show her that I have changed. She DOESN'T want me right now, what makes it so sure that she will want me after NC? She might still be in a relationship with that guy after no contact and although it might be a rebound relationship, it might just work. I know I'm supposed to take it slow and start off as friends again before getting together... I also understand that if I intrude their relationship that it would become even worse for me to get back to her.
I just don't know what to do at this point... should I introduce myself to the new guy and actually tell him to take care of her and move on? I still really love her and miss her so much, but I am filled with regret for my actions because I shouldn't have pushed her away before breakup. But then again, without breaking up with her, I would have never gotten this opportunity to grow from my childish acts. I just want some advice Kevin, what to do after NC, how to approach her with the letter (and her favorite food that I want to make for her), and most importantly... how can I get back with her if she is still in a relationship with him. Thank you for helping me and everyone else here.
Hey Edward,
The answer to all the what if questions you asked is simply "yes, there's a chance it might happen. But it's less." It's a risk and as you know trying to stop her is only going to make things worse, so there's really nothing else you can do.
As for getting back in touch after no contact, you can just email or send it to her house. She will most probably contact you back and even if she doesn't, you should contact her again using texts. As of now, you should only be concentrating on the no contact rule.
Hey Edward,
The answer to all the what if questions you asked is simply "yes, there's a chance it might happen. But it's less." It's a risk and as you know trying to stop her is only going to make things worse, so there's really nothing else you can do.
As for getting back in touch after no contact, you can just email or send it to her house. She will most probably contact you back and even if she doesn't, you should contact her again using texts. As of now, you should only be concentrating on the no contact rule.
Hey Edward,
The answer to all the what if questions you asked is simply "yes, there's a chance it might happen. But it's less." It's a risk and as you know trying to stop her is only going to make things worse, so there's really nothing else you can do.
As for getting back in touch after no contact, you can just email or send it to her house. She will most probably contact you back and even if she doesn't, you should contact her again using texts. As of now, you should only be concentrating on the no contact rule.
Hey Edward,
The answer to all the what if questions you asked is simply "yes, there's a chance it might happen. But it's less." It's a risk and as you know trying to stop her is only going to make things worse, so there's really nothing else you can do.
As for getting back in touch after no contact, you can just email or send it to her house. She will most probably contact you back and even if she doesn't, you should contact her again using texts. As of now, you should only be concentrating on the no contact rule.
Hey Edward,
The answer to all the what if questions you asked is simply "yes, there's a chance it might happen. But it's less." It's a risk and as you know trying to stop her is only going to make things worse, so there's really nothing else you can do.
As for getting back in touch after no contact, you can just email or send it to her house. She will most probably contact you back and even if she doesn't, you should contact her again using texts. As of now, you should only be concentrating on the no contact rule.
It is most probably a rebound relationship Edward. You do have a chance.
Hey Kevin,
I've just gotten your email about how she is already with someone else during breakup. I know that their relationship isn't as close between me and her because we have been together longer, but what should I do about it? They are ONLY going to get closer and get to know each other more as time goes on. What if she is not looking for ME inside of him, what if she is looking for someone else to be with for her future? I know my mistakes now and I can prove that we can have a great future together by doing things together. After no contact, how am I supposed to approach her to give her the letter I want to write? I still find it hard to believe that if I ignore her while she is together with someone will make them realize how much she miss me... or even give me an opportunity to show her that I have changed. She DOESN'T want me right now, what makes it so sure that she will want me after NC? She might still be in a relationship with that guy after no contact and although it might be a rebound relationship, it might just work. I know I'm supposed to take it slow and start off as friends again before getting together... I also understand that if I intrude their relationship that it would become even worse for me to get back to her.
I just don't know what to do at this point... should I introduce myself to the new guy and actually tell him to take care of her and move on? I still really love her and miss her so much, but I am filled with regret for my actions because I shouldn't have pushed her away before breakup. But then again, without breaking up with her, I would have never gotten this opportunity to grow from my childish acts. I just want some advice Kevin, what to do after NC, how to approach her with the letter (and her favorite food that I want to make for her), and most importantly... how can I get back with her if she is still in a relationship with him. Thank you for helping me and everyone else here.
It is most probably a rebound relationship Edward. You do have a chance.
Hey Kevin,
I've just gotten your email about how she is already with someone else during breakup. I know that their relationship isn't as close between me and her because we have been together longer, but what should I do about it? They are ONLY going to get closer and get to know each other more as time goes on. What if she is not looking for ME inside of him, what if she is looking for someone else to be with for her future? I know my mistakes now and I can prove that we can have a great future together by doing things together. After no contact, how am I supposed to approach her to give her the letter I want to write? I still find it hard to believe that if I ignore her while she is together with someone will make them realize how much she miss me... or even give me an opportunity to show her that I have changed. She DOESN'T want me right now, what makes it so sure that she will want me after NC? She might still be in a relationship with that guy after no contact and although it might be a rebound relationship, it might just work. I know I'm supposed to take it slow and start off as friends again before getting together... I also understand that if I intrude their relationship that it would become even worse for me to get back to her.
I just don't know what to do at this point... should I introduce myself to the new guy and actually tell him to take care of her and move on? I still really love her and miss her so much, but I am filled with regret for my actions because I shouldn't have pushed her away before breakup. But then again, without breaking up with her, I would have never gotten this opportunity to grow from my childish acts. I just want some advice Kevin, what to do after NC, how to approach her with the letter (and her favorite food that I want to make for her), and most importantly... how can I get back with her if she is still in a relationship with him. Thank you for helping me and everyone else here.
It is most probably a rebound relationship Edward. You do have a chance.
Hey Kevin,
I've just gotten your email about how she is already with someone else during breakup. I know that their relationship isn't as close between me and her because we have been together longer, but what should I do about it? They are ONLY going to get closer and get to know each other more as time goes on. What if she is not looking for ME inside of him, what if she is looking for someone else to be with for her future? I know my mistakes now and I can prove that we can have a great future together by doing things together. After no contact, how am I supposed to approach her to give her the letter I want to write? I still find it hard to believe that if I ignore her while she is together with someone will make them realize how much she miss me... or even give me an opportunity to show her that I have changed. She DOESN'T want me right now, what makes it so sure that she will want me after NC? She might still be in a relationship with that guy after no contact and although it might be a rebound relationship, it might just work. I know I'm supposed to take it slow and start off as friends again before getting together... I also understand that if I intrude their relationship that it would become even worse for me to get back to her.
I just don't know what to do at this point... should I introduce myself to the new guy and actually tell him to take care of her and move on? I still really love her and miss her so much, but I am filled with regret for my actions because I shouldn't have pushed her away before breakup. But then again, without breaking up with her, I would have never gotten this opportunity to grow from my childish acts. I just want some advice Kevin, what to do after NC, how to approach her with the letter (and her favorite food that I want to make for her), and most importantly... how can I get back with her if she is still in a relationship with him. Thank you for helping me and everyone else here.
Hey Kevin.. so today I saw my ex holding hands with that guy she always texts to... I was so close to texting her, but I just didn't know what to say and didn't want to act needy. I know I can't change her decisions for staying with him or not. I miss her and love her a lot, I don't know what I should do. I want to contact her so badly but that will only act like I need her back in my life. It's only been 4-5 days since no contact and she hasn't replied and is going out with someone. It is hard to believe that their relationship is a rebound relationship even though she only met him. I am so heart broken right now because my memories with her cannot go away and I keep thinking about her everything I do or go, is there a chance for me anymore?Please give me some advice on what I should do... thanks Kevin.
Hey Kevin.. so today I saw my ex holding hands with that guy she always texts to... I was so close to texting her, but I just didn't know what to say and didn't want to act needy. I know I can't change her decisions for staying with him or not. I miss her and love her a lot, I don't know what I should do. I want to contact her so badly but that will only act like I need her back in my life. It's only been 4-5 days since no contact and she hasn't replied and is going out with someone. It is hard to believe that their relationship is a rebound relationship even though she only met him. I am so heart broken right now because my memories with her cannot go away and I keep thinking about her everything I do or go, is there a chance for me anymore?Please give me some advice on what I should do... thanks Kevin.
You should continue no contact for at least 30 days. If she contacts you, ignore her. If she continues contacting you, tell her you need some space and time and then continue no contact. Just follow the plan.
Hi kevin! Want to let you know that this post made me realize some things but sometimes, I can't help to think a lot and makes me more confused. I dated someone for 2 years. On our second anniversary, that person told me she wanted a space and she told me to wait for her until she comes back and its like 2 months from now. Before that, to let you know I cheated on her but that was long way ago and I never did that again and she told me she have forgiven me and I know she did because she went to my place twice last year although we were from one part of the world to another and we were perfectly fine. I also felt that she became more important to me and we worked out on our issues but just 2 weeks ago we had a fight and she asked me for space and told mr she's unsure and doesn't love me as much as anymore. What should I think about it? Besides to the fact that there's the plan and rules you posted. I just wanted a closure for now (I want her back someday, she's the Love of my life) because just last night she told me it's over and I shouldn't wait for her anymore because there's no assurance she'll come to me and she doesn't want me to get hurt over and over again. What does she mean? Last night I asked her again if she still loves me and she said yes but not as much as before. I also asked her if she still desires me, she said yes too and told me it won't fade that easily because I became a big part of her life.
She doesn't see a future in the relationship and she has probably lost attraction. Luckily, she is still attached to you and you have a good chance of getting her back if you follow the plan.
Thanks kevin. She just told she doesn't promise anything and she can't promise that she'll come back but she promise to try fix this when she comes back and i have almost 2 months until i see her again personally. I want her back permanently. If this works out in the end, I have you to thank forever.
Do you think i should still go to the process of dating someone before I meet her? Technically we're still together.
Well, it's complicated between us. She asked for space even though we're thousand of miles apart. And again, she doesn't know what she wants. Basically its like post- break up stage. Do you think i consider it as break up already and go find a rebound before I meet her? Its confusing. Thank you for the advice, Kevin.
If you are technically still together and you are sure she is not seeing anyone right now, then you shouldn't go out on dates. But you should do everything else mentioned in the article.
If you are technically still together and you are sure she is not seeing anyone right now, then you shouldn't go out on dates. But you should do everything else mentioned in the article.
If you are technically still together and you are sure she is not seeing anyone right now, then you shouldn't go out on dates. But you should do everything else mentioned in the article.
If you are technically still together and you are sure she is not seeing anyone right now, then you shouldn't go out on dates. But you should do everything else mentioned in the article.
If you are technically still together and you are sure she is not seeing anyone right now, then you shouldn't go out on dates. But you should do everything else mentioned in the article.
If you are technically still together and you are sure she is not seeing anyone right now, then you shouldn't go out on dates. But you should do everything else mentioned in the article.
Well, it's complicated between us. She asked for space even though we're thousand of miles apart. And again, she doesn't know what she wants. Basically its like post- break up stage. Do you think i consider it as break up already and go find a rebound before I meet her? Its confusing. Thank you for the advice, Kevin.
Well, it's complicated between us. She asked for space even though we're thousand of miles apart. And again, she doesn't know what she wants. Basically its like post- break up stage. Do you think i consider it as break up already and go find a rebound before I meet her? Its confusing. Thank you for the advice, Kevin.
Well, it's complicated between us. She asked for space even though we're thousand of miles apart. And again, she doesn't know what she wants. Basically its like post- break up stage. Do you think i consider it as break up already and go find a rebound before I meet her? Its confusing. Thank you for the advice, Kevin.
Well, it's complicated between us. She asked for space even though we're thousand of miles apart. And again, she doesn't know what she wants. Basically its like post- break up stage. Do you think i consider it as break up already and go find a rebound before I meet her? Its confusing. Thank you for the advice, Kevin.
Also, I want you to know that she is like having a midlife crisis where she lose interest in Me, on her job and everythong. She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't want any commitment but just friendship and she's ready to go on a friendly date with me once she comes back. Our relationship were really serious and I knew that because she had only eyes for me and we really loved each other. Love was really overwhelming back to our better days.
Hi kevin. Sorry for another question. I'm really confused. She said she doesn't want to depend on anyone right now when I asked her if I could take care of her again. She said that she promise to try to fix it by sorting things out when she comes back after 2 months and we'll talk about it once she comes back. She loves me but not like before and cares about me. But I want to know really based from what I said to you. Do i have the chance? Should I use the 2 months(until she's back to the country) for the plan? Is she going to forget me and realize that she's better off without me if I don't contact her for 2 months? Sorry kevin. Thanks for helping. I know that she needs space but I don't want her to completely realize I'm not the one for her.
Yes, you definitely have a chance. Yes, you should do 2 months no contact. No, I don't think she will forget you in those two months. You were together for two years. It takes longer than 2 months to completely get over someone.
Yes, you definitely have a chance. Yes, you should do 2 months no contact. No, I don't think she will forget you in those two months. You were together for two years. It takes longer than 2 months to completely get over someone.
Yes, you definitely have a chance. Yes, you should do 2 months no contact. No, I don't think she will forget you in those two months. You were together for two years. It takes longer than 2 months to completely get over someone.
Yes, you definitely have a chance. Yes, you should do 2 months no contact. No, I don't think she will forget you in those two months. You were together for two years. It takes longer than 2 months to completely get over someone.
Yes, you definitely have a chance. Yes, you should do 2 months no contact. No, I don't think she will forget you in those two months. You were together for two years. It takes longer than 2 months to completely get over someone.
Yes, you definitely have a chance. Yes, you should do 2 months no contact. No, I don't think she will forget you in those two months. You were together for two years. It takes longer than 2 months to completely get over someone.
All the best Rick. I hope things work out for you.
Hi kevin. Sorry for another question. I'm really confused. She said she doesn't want to depend on anyone right now when I asked her if I could take care of her again. She said that she promise to try to fix it by sorting things out when she comes back after 2 months and we'll talk about it once she comes back. She loves me but not like before and cares about me. But I want to know really based from what I said to you. Do i have the chance? Should I use the 2 months(until she's back to the country) for the plan? Is she going to forget me and realize that she's better off without me if I don't contact her for 2 months? Sorry kevin. Thanks for helping. I know that she needs space but I don't want her to completely realize I'm not the one for her.
All the best Rick. I hope things work out for you.
Hi kevin. Sorry for another question. I'm really confused. She said she doesn't want to depend on anyone right now when I asked her if I could take care of her again. She said that she promise to try to fix it by sorting things out when she comes back after 2 months and we'll talk about it once she comes back. She loves me but not like before and cares about me. But I want to know really based from what I said to you. Do i have the chance? Should I use the 2 months(until she's back to the country) for the plan? Is she going to forget me and realize that she's better off without me if I don't contact her for 2 months? Sorry kevin. Thanks for helping. I know that she needs space but I don't want her to completely realize I'm not the one for her.
All the best Rick. I hope things work out for you.
Hi kevin. Sorry for another question. I'm really confused. She said she doesn't want to depend on anyone right now when I asked her if I could take care of her again. She said that she promise to try to fix it by sorting things out when she comes back after 2 months and we'll talk about it once she comes back. She loves me but not like before and cares about me. But I want to know really based from what I said to you. Do i have the chance? Should I use the 2 months(until she's back to the country) for the plan? Is she going to forget me and realize that she's better off without me if I don't contact her for 2 months? Sorry kevin. Thanks for helping. I know that she needs space but I don't want her to completely realize I'm not the one for her.
All the best Rick. I hope things work out for you.
Hi kevin. Sorry for another question. I'm really confused. She said she doesn't want to depend on anyone right now when I asked her if I could take care of her again. She said that she promise to try to fix it by sorting things out when she comes back after 2 months and we'll talk about it once she comes back. She loves me but not like before and cares about me. But I want to know really based from what I said to you. Do i have the chance? Should I use the 2 months(until she's back to the country) for the plan? Is she going to forget me and realize that she's better off without me if I don't contact her for 2 months? Sorry kevin. Thanks for helping. I know that she needs space but I don't want her to completely realize I'm not the one for her.
All the best Rick. I hope things work out for you.
Do you think i should still go to the process of dating someone before I meet her? Technically we're still together.
Also, I want you to know that she is like having a midlife crisis where she lose interest in Me, on her job and everythong. She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't want any commitment but just friendship and she's ready to go on a friendly date with me once she comes back. Our relationship were really serious and I knew that because she had only eyes for me and we really loved each other. Love was really overwhelming back to our better days.
Do you think i should still go to the process of dating someone before I meet her? Technically we're still together.
Also, I want you to know that she is like having a midlife crisis where she lose interest in Me, on her job and everythong. She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't want any commitment but just friendship and she's ready to go on a friendly date with me once she comes back. Our relationship were really serious and I knew that because she had only eyes for me and we really loved each other. Love was really overwhelming back to our better days.
Do you think i should still go to the process of dating someone before I meet her? Technically we're still together.
Also, I want you to know that she is like having a midlife crisis where she lose interest in Me, on her job and everythong. She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't want any commitment but just friendship and she's ready to go on a friendly date with me once she comes back. Our relationship were really serious and I knew that because she had only eyes for me and we really loved each other. Love was really overwhelming back to our better days.
Thanks kevin. She just told she doesn't promise anything and she can't promise that she'll come back but she promise to try fix this when she comes back and i have almost 2 months until i see her again personally. I want her back permanently. If this works out in the end, I have you to thank forever.
Thanks kevin. She just told she doesn't promise anything and she can't promise that she'll come back but she promise to try fix this when she comes back and i have almost 2 months until i see her again personally. I want her back permanently. If this works out in the end, I have you to thank forever.
She doesn't see a future in the relationship and she has probably lost attraction. Luckily, she is still attached to you and you have a good chance of getting her back if you follow the plan.
Hi Kevin, I have read many articles on your website and it has given me great insight! Still, I need your advice. My partner of 10 years asked me for some space in January. He claimed to be going through a mid-life crisis, he is 52, I am 40. It was meant to be a break while he sorted his head out and we were not to see other people. A decision was supposed to be made early April. I accepted, went on holiday etc. and returned to our home at the end of March. There I found an incriminating email to a woman from his work. He denied anything ever happened, but has now admitted that he intended something to happen which "was equally wrong". We had two lovely evenings before I found the email and I confronted him and told him I was leaving. He begged me to stay, promised no further contact etc. and that he wanted to spend the next 10 years with me. I laid out my terms etc and we agreed to move forward and work on our relationship. A few days later I had reason to suspect that he was still in contact with the other woman, I confronted him again, he continued to deny it although I am 100% sure he was. So I told him I could no longer trust him and it was over. I deleted him from my IM and went NC. I have now been NC for 5 days. Yesterday he sent me an email, to which I did not respond. In it he apologised for his bad behaviour, "he hasn't been himself over the last year", "that he will always love me and think of me." "His head is still a mess, but when he finally manages to sort out his feelings he hopes to have a long talk with me." Followed by: :It's me not you." As a result I am very confused as to his intentions. Do you think there is hope? I am going to pick up my belongings from our home this week whilst he is away. I love him dearly and hope that we can sort things out. We had many arguments because I wanted us to relocate to be closer to my family and friends and I guess that got too much for him. Thank you for your help!
Hey Ann,
I answered your comment over here.
Hey Ann,
I answered your comment over here.
My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago and it is obviously "no contact" right now but it's her birthday in a week? Do I wish her happy birthday or not. Thank you
Send her a text but keep it short.
Send her a text but keep it short.
Ten days ago my girlfriend broke up with me after eight months. It was a great shock to me, as the day on which she did so I was still looking for an apartment for us. We never had arguments, got along very well and nothing seemed to be wrong. Only the last week, in which she had quite some stress, she was less affectionate. I thought it was because of the stress, but apparently she had had doubts that week. Her doubts were mainly about living together. I knew it was a big step, but she seemed okay with it. But apparently her commitment fear took over in the end. She said that she did not feel ready for it, but proposed living together because she knew I would love that. She also said that she felt like she did not love me as much as I did because I could easily build my life around her and she felt strangled because of that. Since the day she broke up with me she is extremely cold and rational. She says she does not miss me and that she does not see any future between us anymore. I haven't contacted her for nearly a week now, but I feel like that will not have any effect in this case. It seems like she has completely shut all her feelings off out of fear. I am so puzzled and devastated.
I think it will have effect. Some people deal with breakups by shutting off their feelings. But whenever you try to suppress your feelings, they eventually come back with time. Follow the plan.
I think it will have effect. Some people deal with breakups by shutting off their feelings. But whenever you try to suppress your feelings, they eventually come back with time. Follow the plan.
Hey
I'm student from Turkey and I'm sixteen.So my boyfriend and I broke up a month ago.It was our mutual decision.Our relationship was really different.We loved each other but we weren't meant to be.We were totally different.We had nothing to talk about but we loved each other.In fact, after we broke up I said i love him and he said '' I love you but we have to deal with this''.I was totally sure about his feelings.He loved me too.
Now here is my problem.It has been a month but it still hurts so much.I want to know if he's feeling the way that I'm feeling.His behavior is just confusing.I don't know what to do.Let me give you some examples.We're in the same class.Two weeks ago he called his friend by my name.I ignored that.Last week he was talking to the class but he was always glancing at me.He was trying not to look at me.I could understand that.And about a week ago he was talking to his friend and I was listening to him but he didn't know that.Anyway he said ''I'm going to have a haircut because that's what guys do when they get depressed.'' his friend asked him the reason of his depression and he said ''you know the reason buddy , She's always on my mind at the nights''
I thought he was talking about me but there's an another girl he likes and she's in our class too.Maybe he was talking about her because they were really close .I wasn't sure about the person he was talking about.My friends said it was me but I'm not sure.
This was the situation.But today suddenly everything has changed.I guess he is going to date somebody else.He's talking to an another girl.Did he get over me ? Also there's something else.He loves listening to Eminem.So his whatsapp statu is ''I'm afraid If I close my eyes I might see her''. I searched this sentence.It was a part of a song of Eminem called ''Going through changes''.I checked the lyrics and let me show you a part of the lyrics
''I think about the things I would have never got to say to you,
I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do.
Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too,
I still love your mother, that'll never change,
Think about her every day, we just could never get it together.
Hey, wish there was a better way, for me to say it,
But I swear on everything, I'd do anything for her on any day.
There are just too many things, to explain, when it rains,
Guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasn't any pain.
But I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placin' any blame,
I ain't pointin' fingers, heaven knows i've never been a saint.
I know it just feels like we just pissed away our history,
But just today, I looked at your picture, almost if to say,
I miss you self consciously, wish it didn't end this way.
But I just had to get away, don't know why,
I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm..''
So what do you say ? Is he over me ? Does this song mean anything ? or Am I being paranoid ? my friends say '' It's just a song he likes. It's not something about you it has been a month he is already over you'' Are they right ? Please help me I really need your help
You are overthinking everything. I think you should apply no contact for 2-3 months and concentrate on yourself during that time. That means, not looking for signs from him, not checking his statuses, removing him from social media and completely cutting him from your life. You will still see him at school, but that's it. Otherwise, keep him out of your sight and out of your mind. If after 3 months, you still want to get back together, then contact him.
You are overthinking everything. I think you should apply no contact for 2-3 months and concentrate on yourself during that time. That means, not looking for signs from him, not checking his statuses, removing him from social media and completely cutting him from your life. You will still see him at school, but that's it. Otherwise, keep him out of your sight and out of your mind. If after 3 months, you still want to get back together, then contact him.
So, My ex and I met on an online dating site a few months ago and through our emails, pictures and skype we got extremely close- he was very helpful and comforting when my mother passed away and we made plans to meet when I made my trip to the states, we spent a week together and had an amazing time, and once I returned I brought up my decision to move there permanently (it has been on my mind for a year before I met him) and he went from initially asking me to move in with him to it declining to the point where he said he may not even meet me at the airport- we agreed to be non exclusive to avoid excessive pressure though we still like each other, until a few days before my big move when he messages me out of the blue and asks me to never message or speak to him again
I don't know if it's a commitment issue or pure nerves, since just an hour before that he was complimenting me on my pictures and exclaiming how amazing and beautiful I am. I am a few days into applying the NC rule now... would it work in this situation? I was completely blindsided and confused- and I feel like we definitely deserve another chance when we're in the same city to give it a fair chance
Yes, apply NC. I think he will probably contact you again when he calms down. Even if he doesn't contact him after two months using texts mentioned in this article.
Yes, apply NC. I think he will probably contact you again when he calms down. Even if he doesn't contact him after two months using texts mentioned in this article.
hi Kevin .my ex and i broke up like a month ago . we're both overseas student in china from two diffrent country ,we were together 6 month and she will go back to her country 3 month later .during this one month i tried to win her back but each time i told her i miss her or i love her she keep saying we need time to be friend ,and she feels guilty and uncomfortable when i say i love her . she said she has no energy for relationship and want to be alone and casually meet her friends and enjoy her life . each time that i do something crazy deadly mistakes after 3 days i will go to appologize and she respond i'm ok .i wish u be normal again . but then i start to miss her and do crazy things again . i was a confident guy before i met her and during our 6 months relationship she always help me and be there for me . but after i lost my money in casino it realy hurts my confident ,then i got problem with my job and i start to be sad and wanted she be with me always to feel good then i start to complain about that she hangout with her freinds too much and she doesn't care about me .then one night we fought over this and i hit her which i appolegize milion times for it and 2 weeks after that she said that i should forget that night because she forgave me . but after chasing her and asking her for another chance and telling her how much i love her ,she get more mad at me until she deleted me from her messanger and wont reply my messages .she told me last time i'm helping you to forget me dont feel bad if i dont answer you .last time i made a mistake and aske her do you miss me ? and she said NOT AT ALL ,I DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT YOU . what should i do now ? do you think i have any chance to win her back ? i have only 3 month .
I think you do have a chance and it's worth trying at least once. Follow the 5 step plan.
I think you do have a chance and it's worth trying at least once. Follow the 5 step plan.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me back in June 2012 while he was out of the country for half a year. He broke things off with me because he said that he didn't want to be involved in a relationship with anyone and that he needed to take the time to find himself and build a life for himself. He told me that he still loved me and still had feelings for me but wanted to be friends for now until he could figure things out in his life. So I made the mistake of being friends with him, spending time with him and hanging out. For the past couple of months I thought things were going great between him and I. We were getting along, we weren't arguing and fighting, and we were spending more and more time together. I thought things were moving in the right direction and things were finally starting to look up for me. I did try the "no contact rule" for a few weeks and it worked, or at least I had thought it did. I ignored every attempt at communication from him until he decided to show up to my house because he missed me and wanted to talk. He ended up pouring out his heart to me, tell me that he still loved me, that he was still "in love" with me, that he missed me, and that he wanted to spend time together. As time went on after that, we started acting more and more like boyfriend and girlfriend. Like previously stated, we had been getting along really great and he started including me in more things in his life. If I ever brought up the relationship talk, he would tell me that he wasn't ready and that he still was trying to figure his life out and that it wouldn't be fair to me to drag me through finding himself. Last night, he pulled me aside and sat me down and decided to tell me that even though we have been acting like we are boyfriend and girlfriend, that he doesn't want that anymore. He told me that his feelings have changed for me and that he is no longer in love with me anymore. He told me that I am still the most beautiful girl in the world to him and that I am truly an amazing and awesome person and his best friend, but he just doesn't have the same feelings for me that he once had. He told me that he doesn't foresee himself being in a relationship with anyone for many, many years to come and that he is still trying to figure his life out and that he realizes that he has been very selfish towards me and that it is no longer fair to me that he can't reciprocate his feelings. He told me that he loves me very much, but he just isn't in love with me anymore.
So, I am lost, I am hurt, and I am confused. I know he has said similar things like this in the past to me, but only because we were arguing and fighting but last night was different, he had a calm demeanor and there was no tension or any negative emotions and feelings. Is the love really gone? Is it possible for us to rekindle again one day? Could his feelings grow for me again and could he fall in love with me again? Should I move on and let him go? Too many questions running through my mind so I am posting on here to try and get clarity and seek some advice. Thanks.
I think you should move on. It's been almost two years since the breakup. How much more of your time do you want to waste trying to pursue him? I'll recommend you start no contact and try to move on.
I think you should move on. It's been almost two years since the breakup. How much more of your time do you want to waste trying to pursue him? I'll recommend you start no contact and try to move on.
Hey kevin,
My no contact period is almost over but i fear i have made an awful mistake. Yesterday I got a little drunk and planned a date with someone. I ended up meeting that person in the afternoon and we had a few drinks and watched a film at his house. After getting to know each other we cuddled on the sofa and began to kiss. One thing led to another and we slept together. After i left i regretted it dearly. I feel like I let myself down. I know I am single and allowed to be with whoever and this was a rebound trying to fill the hole my ex left. Will this affect my chances with my ex? I feel I would have to tell him if we get back together.
You did nothing wrong. If you do get back together and the topic comes up you can tell him. But don't be ashamed of yourself and don't apologize for it.
Thanks, it has been a long time since we spoke and I doubt he will even message me back. I've noticed my confidence has exceeded what it was before I even met my ex. I have lots of confidence to meet new people and comfortable everywhere I go. I feel there is a real change in me and that I have grown up and matured mentally, physically and spiritually. I really want to show my ex the new improved me. Thanks for all the help and the emails each day they really have helped me through this tough time.
Thanks Jim. I'm glad you found the email series helpful.
Thanks Jim. I'm glad you found the email series helpful.
Thanks Jim. I'm glad you found the email series helpful.
Thanks Jim. I'm glad you found the email series helpful.
Thanks, it has been a long time since we spoke and I doubt he will even message me back. I've noticed my confidence has exceeded what it was before I even met my ex. I have lots of confidence to meet new people and comfortable everywhere I go. I feel there is a real change in me and that I have grown up and matured mentally, physically and spiritually. I really want to show my ex the new improved me. Thanks for all the help and the emails each day they really have helped me through this tough time.
Thanks, it has been a long time since we spoke and I doubt he will even message me back. I've noticed my confidence has exceeded what it was before I even met my ex. I have lots of confidence to meet new people and comfortable everywhere I go. I feel there is a real change in me and that I have grown up and matured mentally, physically and spiritually. I really want to show my ex the new improved me. Thanks for all the help and the emails each day they really have helped me through this tough time.
You did nothing wrong. If you do get back together and the topic comes up you can tell him. But don't be ashamed of yourself and don't apologize for it.
Hi Kevin, I would love to have a moment of your time to pick your brain on my current problem.
My Ex girlfriend broke up with me after 6 months due to a huge change in her which consisted of her moving into a flat away from home for the first time with her child and it's the first time she's been able to be independant with her kid so she broke up with me as she needed to concerntrate on her change's and that of her child. Basically she said she could'nt give me what i wanted or deserved and that it was unfair otherwise. She said she wanted some alone time with her kid right now and really wanted to be independant. She said nothing about being friends or staying in contact but she's quite a shy insecure person.
Up until the break up we were really close and she felt i was her soulmate and the best thing that had happened to her apart from her kid obviously.
I agreed to the breakup (begrudingly) and remained quiet for just over a week and was following the rules you suggest, the thing was she started likeing things on my social network homepage so i contacted her via text and had a couple of nice responses, she seemed happy to talk to me and it was just friendly banter really, absolutly no mention of the break up or anything negative but then she went quiet again so ive not contacted her since.
I presume she still needs time as it's not been long but would like your view on the above situation and any help you could give would be hugly appreciated.
Many thanks
Hey Nick,
Yes, I also think she needs a little more time. I'll suggest you contact her again after a month.
Hey Nick,
Yes, I also think she needs a little more time. I'll suggest you contact her again after a month.
Hey Kevin,
So I dated this amazing girl for over 2 years but to be honest we jumped into seeing one another before I was ready and before I had had a proper amount of time to get over my previous ex. I carried this throughout out relationship and as a result I couldn't figure out if I loved her or not. My feelings where always clouded. We broke up and got back together a number of times during this period and then in August of last year I broke up with her one final time in order to process a large proportion of other stuff as well as my feelings for her. Anyway I took the time I needed (approximately 5 months), did some work on myself, worked out what I wanted and realized I was desperately in love with her. Then after a period of about 5 months of no contact I went out with her one night and told her exactly how I feel. She rejected me and told me it was too late and that she wasn't in love with me anymore, that she had met somebody new and that I needed to let her go. Anyway, I did, I started dating again and met somebody new. All the while we were having to see each other every day. We work together in the same small building and it is impossible for us not to engage with one another which makes the no contact rule almost impossible. I desperately want her back because I know that I love her and that she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Please help me.
Hey Mike,
I think you should continue contact with her and try to build attraction slowly under the pretence of friendship. Hopefully, her new relationship won't last long. You've already done no contact for 5 months so I don't see a point in doing it again.
Hey Mike,
I think you should continue contact with her and try to build attraction slowly under the pretence of friendship. Hopefully, her new relationship won't last long. You've already done no contact for 5 months so I don't see a point in doing it again.
Kevin,
My ex and I broke up in Dec after a 16 mo. relationship. She is 47 and I’m 56. I did follow the 1 month no contact rule and she began calling me every day after 3 weeks “just for sex”. I did give in after the month period and then, she needed me for a family emergency around Jan. 15th and as of around the beginning of Feb, it was just as the it was before…me seeing her at least 2/3 times a week. However, in early March, she began distancing herself again saying that she just didn’t have time to be in a serious relationship. She offered that I could be her lover, but this time, I told her no. I did find-out last week that she has seen a man at least once.
Please tell me the game plan from here as I do want her back?
Thank you.
I think she is pretty clear about her intentions. If you want, you can try no contact again, make positive changes, get back in touch (basically follow the plan), but to be honest, I think your chances are less. You'll be better off moving on.
I think she is pretty clear about her intentions. If you want, you can try no contact again, make positive changes, get back in touch (basically follow the plan), but to be honest, I think your chances are less. You'll be better off moving on.
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago after a 2 year relationship. I swear I felt we were in love. We got into an argument and said "we are not working out" At that moment, I felt he said it out of anger. I didn't bother hearing his explanation and hung up. Yes, he broke up with me over the phone. Two weeks later after the break up he messaged me and asked how I was doing. I was being cold to him because I was still angry. I asked him why he messaged me and he said he miss me and miss being with me but it doesn't change anything. I was completely devastated because I thought he wanted to work things out. I told to stay away from me and I didn't want anything to do with him. After that, we haven't spoke. It is hard for me to figure out whether he still loves me or not and if he has moved on or not. We both haven't spoken each other for a month now and we have no way of finding out since we have no mutual friends or social media. Something is just telling me that he still loves me but doesn't want to get back together. Why? What should I do?
Get back in touch with him using the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Get back in touch with him using the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hey man,
My ex left me and she said we'd be better off as friends. We lasted only two months as a couple.
Anyways, I love her so much but I made the mistake of seeming needy. I talked to her over Facebook, sent her two written letters and obviously never got her back.
We haven't talked for almost two months now (she left my reply on Facebook as seen and never answered).
Overall I have been working on myself trying to get over her. And I have made progress (No longer depressed but still missing her).
Out of the blue she began giving "likes" to a few of my Facebook posts. For me it is weird because we have been on no contact for two months (in spite on neither party asking to be on NC).
Can I work something out with her or have I already blown my chances away?
You do have a chance. Get back in touch with her.
Thanks Kevin, I will sign up for your emails. She is being pursued by a lot of men (she is really good looking), I just hope that because of my extended NC I'm not too late.
Once again thank you!
Thanks Kevin, I will sign up for your emails. She is being pursued by a lot of men (she is really good looking), I just hope that because of my extended NC I'm not too late.
Once again thank you!
Thanks Kevin, I will sign up for your emails. She is being pursued by a lot of men (she is really good looking), I just hope that because of my extended NC I'm not too late.
Once again thank you!
You do have a chance. Get back in touch with her.
Hi Kevin,
I broke up with my ex 5 months ago because I needed time off. But I really want him back. I did follow these steps and I feel confident with myself.
All the best Mia.
All the best Mia.
hey kev,
my girlfriend broke up with me in beginning of February. we were together for 3 years. She said I don't make her happy no more and the day she left me was cause we were supposed to go out for dinner one night, but the night before she went out with her friends and didn't call me at all the next day until close to our plans. so I told her were not going out and that's when she broke up with me. she didn't answer my calls or text for a bit, but then started to respond. we been out many times for dinner, she came to my house, and had fun, but then would always be distant on the weekends. I was told by her friend that she is with another guy, who is a patient at her work. when I asked my ex, she lied and said no, but then said she isn't with him, theyre just friends. she said she doesn't love him and loves me and is confused, and to leave her alone to think out through. this is when she blocked my number from calling or texting her for 2 weeks. then , this the sunday on april 6th, she called me at 11pm, saying how she couldn't sleep the night before and she was thinking and was sorry for being mean and rude to me, she said she resented me because I kept asking about the guy and asking he if we would have another shot at our relationship, since she gave me no closure. i told her its ok, things happen, its all good and that i was really tired and that i would contact her next week. she seemed shocked that i didn't want to talk to her. i ended up messaging her a few days later, and things seemed great, texting back and forth and i didn't mention anything about our past. we then went for dinner on the Thursday, and we both had a great time, i didn't mention this other guy at all. we ended up back at her place, but we both fell asleep on each other, as we were both tired,she had her arms around me like we used to sleep lol. the next day Friday, we were texting each other all day, joking around, and i mention to her we should do dinner and she said she was busy. i said ok maybe tomorrow you will change your mind. and she said "I'LL let you know...thanks. i told her ok have a good night and haven't heard from her since.... i know she is still seeing this other guy, as she doesn't give me time on the weekend to see her... i really love this girl.. oh and the guy is complete opposite of me according to her friend. he has no car so my ex picks him up and what not...he also put some damage to her car and didn't fix it , where as i would take care of it right away...i really want her back, and what do you think about the relationship she is having with this other guy, and advice for me would be great kevin. Thanks
I think you should continue doing what you've been doing. Just don't show any neediness. The guy could be a rebound. If that's the case, she will end things with him soon enough.
Hey Kev,
Ok so what should I continue to do? Should I not text her back, or just leave her alone? I wanted her to tell me if she Is in a relationship with this guy.
Also, I don't know if this matters but my ex is liking my friends pictures on instagram and I noticed that my ex doesn't have this new guy on her instagram but my ex's brother and sister have him. Please advise.. thanks
I think you've been asking about the guy too much and it'll start getting annoying to her. You need to be cool about this. The more you ask about him, the more needy you look. Instead, start living a life of your own. Start going out more, meeting new people and go on a few dates as well. If you are on good terms and are texting continuously without any negativity, then you should continue doing so.
ok. so she messaged me the next day and all was positive, laughing, joking around and such. And then I asked her if she was hungry after work, to let me know and we would grab dinner. Her reply was just ok. And that was it. Should I do no contact with her or just wait for her to text or call me now.. its like she comes and goes, and like she is hot and cold. please advise.. thanks kev
Wait for her to call you. If she doesn't call, wait another week then get back in touch. It's a very common behavior after breakup and it'll pass with time if you keep your cool during this.
Wait for her to call you. If she doesn't call, wait another week then get back in touch. It's a very common behavior after breakup and it'll pass with time if you keep your cool during this.
Wait for her to call you. If she doesn't call, wait another week then get back in touch. It's a very common behavior after breakup and it'll pass with time if you keep your cool during this.
Wait for her to call you. If she doesn't call, wait another week then get back in touch. It's a very common behavior after breakup and it'll pass with time if you keep your cool during this.
Wait for her to call you. If she doesn't call, wait another week then get back in touch. It's a very common behavior after breakup and it'll pass with time if you keep your cool during this.
Wait for her to call you. If she doesn't call, wait another week then get back in touch. It's a very common behavior after breakup and it'll pass with time if you keep your cool during this.
Thanks Kevin,
So I messaged her yesterday and told her to call me. She said she was busy at work, whats up? I said ok just call me later then when your not busy. She replied again, whats up? I don't have time for this right now? I replied: are you ok, I didn't say to call me right now, lol..I know your busy at work so just call me today or tomorrow whenever your free.. She replied: Ok..but whats going on? I didn't reply to this message. Any advice?
Like I said before, don't pressure her into anything and concentrate on your life for a while.
Like I said before, don't pressure her into anything and concentrate on your life for a while.
Like I said before, don't pressure her into anything and concentrate on your life for a while.
Like I said before, don't pressure her into anything and concentrate on your life for a while.
Like I said before, don't pressure her into anything and concentrate on your life for a while.
Like I said before, don't pressure her into anything and concentrate on your life for a while.
ok. so she messaged me the next day and all was positive, laughing, joking around and such. And then I asked her if she was hungry after work, to let me know and we would grab dinner. Her reply was just ok. And that was it. Should I do no contact with her or just wait for her to text or call me now.. its like she comes and goes, and like she is hot and cold. please advise.. thanks kev
Thanks Kevin,
So I messaged her yesterday and told her to call me. She said she was busy at work, whats up? I said ok just call me later then when your not busy. She replied again, whats up? I don't have time for this right now? I replied: are you ok, I didn't say to call me right now, lol..I know your busy at work so just call me today or tomorrow whenever your free.. She replied: Ok..but whats going on? I didn't reply to this message. Any advice?
ok. so she messaged me the next day and all was positive, laughing, joking around and such. And then I asked her if she was hungry after work, to let me know and we would grab dinner. Her reply was just ok. And that was it. Should I do no contact with her or just wait for her to text or call me now.. its like she comes and goes, and like she is hot and cold. please advise.. thanks kev
Thanks Kevin,
So I messaged her yesterday and told her to call me. She said she was busy at work, whats up? I said ok just call me later then when your not busy. She replied again, whats up? I don't have time for this right now? I replied: are you ok, I didn't say to call me right now, lol..I know your busy at work so just call me today or tomorrow whenever your free.. She replied: Ok..but whats going on? I didn't reply to this message. Any advice?
ok. so she messaged me the next day and all was positive, laughing, joking around and such. And then I asked her if she was hungry after work, to let me know and we would grab dinner. Her reply was just ok. And that was it. Should I do no contact with her or just wait for her to text or call me now.. its like she comes and goes, and like she is hot and cold. please advise.. thanks kev
Thanks Kevin,
So I messaged her yesterday and told her to call me. She said she was busy at work, whats up? I said ok just call me later then when your not busy. She replied again, whats up? I don't have time for this right now? I replied: are you ok, I didn't say to call me right now, lol..I know your busy at work so just call me today or tomorrow whenever your free.. She replied: Ok..but whats going on? I didn't reply to this message. Any advice?
ok. so she messaged me the next day and all was positive, laughing, joking around and such. And then I asked her if she was hungry after work, to let me know and we would grab dinner. Her reply was just ok. And that was it. Should I do no contact with her or just wait for her to text or call me now.. its like she comes and goes, and like she is hot and cold. please advise.. thanks kev
Thanks Kevin,
So I messaged her yesterday and told her to call me. She said she was busy at work, whats up? I said ok just call me later then when your not busy. She replied again, whats up? I don't have time for this right now? I replied: are you ok, I didn't say to call me right now, lol..I know your busy at work so just call me today or tomorrow whenever your free.. She replied: Ok..but whats going on? I didn't reply to this message. Any advice?
I think you've been asking about the guy too much and it'll start getting annoying to her. You need to be cool about this. The more you ask about him, the more needy you look. Instead, start living a life of your own. Start going out more, meeting new people and go on a few dates as well. If you are on good terms and are texting continuously without any negativity, then you should continue doing so.
I think you've been asking about the guy too much and it'll start getting annoying to her. You need to be cool about this. The more you ask about him, the more needy you look. Instead, start living a life of your own. Start going out more, meeting new people and go on a few dates as well. If you are on good terms and are texting continuously without any negativity, then you should continue doing so.
I think you've been asking about the guy too much and it'll start getting annoying to her. You need to be cool about this. The more you ask about him, the more needy you look. Instead, start living a life of your own. Start going out more, meeting new people and go on a few dates as well. If you are on good terms and are texting continuously without any negativity, then you should continue doing so.
Hey Kev,
Ok so what should I continue to do? Should I not text her back, or just leave her alone? I wanted her to tell me if she Is in a relationship with this guy.
Also, I don't know if this matters but my ex is liking my friends pictures on instagram and I noticed that my ex doesn't have this new guy on her instagram but my ex's brother and sister have him. Please advise.. thanks
Hey Kev,
Ok so what should I continue to do? Should I not text her back, or just leave her alone? I wanted her to tell me if she Is in a relationship with this guy.
Also, I don't know if this matters but my ex is liking my friends pictures on instagram and I noticed that my ex doesn't have this new guy on her instagram but my ex's brother and sister have him. Please advise.. thanks
I think you should continue doing what you've been doing. Just don't show any neediness. The guy could be a rebound. If that's the case, she will end things with him soon enough.
Hi kevin. My gf and i broke up after being together for 2 years. We broke up about 3 months ago. I've started to text/call her back after 3 months and i've told her that i wanted to get back. But she rejected me because she doesnt want any commitment with any guy until shes find the right time. Whats the right things to do, i cant afford to lose her.
Do another month of no contact, and get back in touch with her as described in the article. This time, don't mention you want to get back together.
Do another month of no contact, and get back in touch with her as described in the article. This time, don't mention you want to get back together.
Hi kevin,
So my ex-boyfriend and i were in a serious relationship for 3 years, off and on, and we officially broke up November of last year. We were still keeping in contact and seeing each other until I met a new guy and caught interest. We made a pact, as friends, to let the other know when something like that happens and I did. He freaked out and pretty much made me feel like I was making a mistake. He stopped talking to me for 2 weeks and during that time I got to know the guy and decided not to pursue a relationship with him (personal reasons not because of my ex freaking out). He contacted me one night and I eventually let him know I didn't pursue a relationship. Well, a couple days later he said he was talking to someone else and I was ok with it. But now I'm getting the idea it may be a rebound because he kept asking if I'm ok with it, he blocked me on instagram then added me back now all of a sudden there are pictures of him and the girl. After trying to actually date I realized I didn't want to be anyone else but then he goes and rebound. I haven't made any contact with him it's usually him calling me, maybe once a week, with him "just checking up on me" and asking about my personal life( job, school,family, etc). What should I do? If he really wanted to be with this girl he wouldn't be calling, making comments/compliments on my instagram pics, and asking me "so are you still talking to me?" Or if I don't talk to him he comments "so you're not talking to me?" I'm a little confused. I've already started on getting myself together but we occasionally still keep in contact. Mainly him contacting me. Please help.
Hey,
His relationship is probably a rebound. Next time he calls, tell him you need some time and space and start no contact. Then follow the plan.
Hey,
His relationship is probably a rebound. Next time he calls, tell him you need some time and space and start no contact. Then follow the plan.
Hi ! Good morning kevin when i saw this website i really like what you've said here it really is helping , and now i wanted to ask a help for you and i appreciate it when you answer it for me :) my bf broke up with me but before he broke up with me i really know what's the problem it's because he has a big big problem about paying out 10,000 he was on the fraternity 2 year's ago he just tell me that story and i listen and trusted him but i know he's not active anymore on that fraternity because he changed his way's ,at first he really really love me but after the court call's him and sending some letter it started to be cold ,and i act so desperate and clingy needy gf and i realize that is my mistake because i didnt give him some space but now i understand that .. back to the court because the one that they ambush got beaten up badly and it's parent's where taking a demand on him on the court and has to pay 10,000 so he was now really confused and having a hard time what to do he also sell his samsung phone which is his legendary phone hehe i really pity him but i really do my best to support him because i really love my boyfriend .. i know that is the reason why he broke up with me he just text me that morning and said he want's to this not to hurt me or cheat on me but he think it's for the best and i respect his decision because i know his mind is cloudy now and i know he will solve it on his own .. and until now i didnt contact him it's a great way right ? giving him time to settle his own is the best thing and making myself improve :) we just broke up april 11,2014 and we are only 1 month .. he also unfriended me on facebook but i'm glad he didnt block me and i'm happy to because i peek on his status and our picture's are still there and his recent facebook status is "You will be there on the right time " do you think he still thinking of me ?
You did the right thing. Continue no contact. You are definitely on his mind.
You did the right thing. Continue no contact. You are definitely on his mind.
Hey Kevin,
My ex had a 8 years relationship and a baby with his ex. We fell in love before they split. Then we felt it wrong so ended it. We started dating again after they finally officially split. But in first 6 months, her ex used the support of their families and common friends to push me out his life, and he let her. So we brokeup.
Of course we both said something hurful after breakingup.
After 3 months, he asked for another chance, I said yes coz I still had strong feeling to him. But we were not ready so it screwed up again (I compromised all and he acted like an asshole).
Then, after another month, he emailed me again saying he has been doing meditation love course for a month, and realised what he did wrong and can finanlly see what I been through and been treated unfair in the first 6 months we officially dated. He said his ex has finally accepted they will never get back together, and he felt relief from that pressure and regreted havent fight for me during the hard time. He asked me for another chance now.
Should I trust him changed and give him another chance? What to do to make it work this time?
If he seems genuine, you should give him another chance. This time, don't let him walk all over you. You should be clear about what you expect from the relationship and what you can't tolerate. And you should communicate it to him in a non-threatening way before starting the relationship.
If he seems genuine, you should give him another chance. This time, don't let him walk all over you. You should be clear about what you expect from the relationship and what you can't tolerate. And you should communicate it to him in a non-threatening way before starting the relationship.
I ended it with a guy a couple months ago because I wanted to have a relationship with him but it seemed like he wasn't ready for one or didn't want one with me. We had been seeing each other for seven months off and on. He said that he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me on some level, but he also still had feelings for his ex, who was very emotionally abusive to him. He had only ever been in bad relationships which is why he was weary about being in another one. Looking back, I realized that I pushed him to be in a relationship with me when I think he really just needed the time to be comfortable being in a relationship, and take things slowly.
After we broke up, I wanted to remain friends with him, and still see him. It was kind of weird because after I ended it with him, he asked me to have dinner with him, which he had never done the entire time we had been seeing each other. I ended up not being able to go with him that night. Maybe I should have gone with him. But we hung out a couple weeks later. I think he wanted me to go home with him. But I stood by what I had said when I ended it with him and didn't go home with him. I let a month go by without contacting him and then I asked him if he wanted to hang out, as just friends. He kinda blew me off, and I proceeded to chase him a little bit, which resulted in him not responding to any of my messages. It's been five weeks and I haven't contacted him, and he hasn't tried to contact me either.
I want to be able to create a false friendship with him, and become closer with him as friends first. Especially since he's still getting over feelings for his ex, and because he has such a bad view of relationships. I guess I'm wondering, am I supposed to wait for him to contact me first, before we can start the false friendship? Or am I supposed to reach out to him at some point? His birthday is coming up in about a month and I was debating whether to text him to wish him a happy birthday but I don't want him to see it as me chasing him. It's kind of a weird situation because I was the one that broke up with him, but it was because I wanted to have a real relationship with him, and not be in something that felt like a gray area.
You should contact him after a month. Birthday is actually a pretty good opportunity.
You should contact him after a month. Birthday is actually a pretty good opportunity.
My boyfriend and I were together for 2.5 years. We were good until I found a really flirty text between him and another woman. This is the second time that It happened so I decided to leave but then we talked and agreed to work things out between us. He kept going back and forth between wanting to be together or not so I told him it's either a yes or no and he went with not right now and asked me remain friends in order to work things out in the "near future". I agreed to be friends but meaning much later in life. We have a puppy together that he knows I'm attach to and it can only stay at his house. Our first break up he asked what I want to do with our puppy but after our finalize break up he asked to keep him and gave me free visitations right whenever I feel like it. Over the course of our break up we had a few drunken text exchange and calls (I was drunk). Each time he picks up even at 1 or 3 am and tell me he miss me and love me but also suggest that I move on but shows signs of shock when I just say yes. After, he would send me pictures of our puppy every other day. One night I became drunk and he had to pick me up, we ended up sleeping together and he told me he miss me but went too far to come back. After our break up, he began to pursue to woman I caught him texting but never admit it to me or mentions of her. After my drunk quarrel with him, he ended up being at my favorite shop the next day but decided to ignore me the entire time until the very end asking to talk and not make things awkward and to be friends. I just don't understand why he wants to keep my puppy still when I know he has no attachment to my puppy besides me. Also, he tells me to move on yet wants to be by my side when I move on and tell me he misses me? I also mention he can't keep my puppy forever because once he moves on the next girl will be upset. I try to think of her as something that won't last because he repeatedly said he doesn't want a committed relationship with anyone else. Some say this is the grass is greener syndrome but honestly I just think our entire relationship meant nothing to him.
He is simply confused about his feelings. I think your relationship did mean a lot to him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be acting the way he is.
He is simply confused about his feelings. I think your relationship did mean a lot to him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be acting the way he is.
17 year old here. My ex were together for about a month and a half. We have so many things in common, our personalities, sense of humor, taste in music, love for chocolate, and so many more things. People were always telling us that we were perfect for each other because we are so much alike. However, this was our very first actual relationship. She's an extremely busy person, with all honors and AP classes, not to mention a ton of other extracurricular activities, clubs, and honors societies in school. Because of this, we never saw each other very often, even in school, and she would only have the time to meet up once a week, usually during the weekends. I knew her always tight-knit schedule would probably become a problem in the future, but I didn't think much of it. About 2 weeks ago she broke up because it was too big a commitment on top of everything else she had. Obviously I could tell the decision was not easy for her, she was shaking when she told me and she looked seriously sad. She said I was the best boyfriend I could have been for her, but she just wasn't ready for it at the moment.
After that, we avoided each other for about a week, and a few nights ago I settled things with her over text to make sure there weren't any misunderstandings, and we're all good now. We've begun to talk again, but very minimal. All my friends tell me she still looks at me, and I can tell. Also when we're hanging in a group, she's laughing a lot at jokes I make, even if they're not super funny. I don't want to take these as signs yet, because they probably aren't.
I'm just torn because I really do want to ask her back, but I don't know if it'll be a good idea because she broke up for a reason (her busy schedule) and I don't think she'd go back on her word and try again, even if she really wants to, but I could be wrong. I thought about giving it a few months for us to warm up again and become close friends again but then I don't want to be friendzoned. I've also heard of the minimal contact trick, but since we've confirmed with each other that we're friends, I don't think that'd work very well. Should I wait and see after a few months and try asking her if she wants to give it another try? I'm just kind of afraid that she'll be like "why are you still trying after all these months?" and me seeming clingy or something. Some advice would be useful
I think those are definitely signs that she is still attracted to you. I'll suggest you do try asking her after a couple of months. Even if she says that, at least you'll know there is no future there.
I think those are definitely signs that she is still attracted to you. I'll suggest you do try asking her after a couple of months. Even if she says that, at least you'll know there is no future there.
In a nutshell....My ex finished with me after 2 years as she said I didn't give her enough attention and she'd lost the spark. I've spent the last 3 months trying to get back with her devoting every possible moment to prove how much I loved her. I did all the begging, pleading and initiating contact for the whole time which seemed to work to a point as we met up every other week, had a really great time with nights out, meals together, country walks and even still sleeping together. Each time we parted though she went back to being distant with me. And only ever responded to texts and never initiated. Then a couple of weeks ago I found out she had been “meeting” (as she put it) another guy for the the whole time I was trying to sort things. I flipped out and got really angry, begged, pleaded, cried and text terrorised her as I was so upset. She then said that it was definitely over between us and told me that she’s enjoying the company of this other guy and they’re seeing how things go, and for me not to contact her again. I sent her a text couple of days later saying no hard feelings hope things work out, which she replied and said "you too, take care".
There's been no contact between us since. I've got little choice now but to respect her wishes and leave her alone. and to try and save what little dignity I have left. Do you think your method to get back together could work, since she clearly seems to have made her mind up and she's the one who's asked for no contact?
Thanks
Yes, it can work. Her new relationship is probably a rebound anyways.
Forgot to mention some quite significant points...aside from me not giving her attention (which I'll admit to) she told me in a calm discussion very recently that she thought I was handsome but didn't find me "want to rip your clothes of sexy", Which suggests that she no longer finds me attractive? Might be a bit of a relationship killer? Obviously she does with this new guy.
Also we met each other on Plenty of Fish. So when she told me after our initial breakup that she was going to start dating again I found she'd made a profile on there. I confronted her and she admitted it. I asked her to delete it and she made excuses up that she couldn't delete it from her phone and needed to borrow her dads laptop to do it, which was clearly a lie. For the entirety of the 3 months of me trying to get her back she kept saying she "enjoyed spending time with me but something wasn't right but didn't know what it was?" and therefore couldn't decide what to do. However it makes me believe I was just a plan B, something to fall back on in case she didn't find or until she did find something better.
Not sure if this changes you opinion on the matter?
Yes, she was stringing you along as a backup because you were letting her do so. I still think you have a chance and no contact is the best thing to do. She never learned what it'll be like to lose you forever. You should go on a few dates as well during no contact.
Thanks for your advice
Thanks for your advice
Thanks for your advice
Thanks for your advice
Thanks for your advice
Hey, after gone through your complete message i can tell you what. Better give her space now she is with other guy, let her be with him. Trust me, defiantly one day she will realise your importance. Be'coz that guy is not permanent. You were into 2yrs relation with her. May be u should know how she will be with out you. Till then "don't text or call her" meet her accidentally (just act) but not repeat it frequently. Act like you are happy. Don't ever mention to her, with out you i'm happy. Take care. THIS WILL WORK
Hey, well unfortunately I can't "accidentally" bump into her as she lives in a different city about 45 mins away and I have no reason to go there. Plus even if I did decide to go there the chances of somehow bumping into her are very very unlikely as it's such a big place! I'll try Kevin's method and see how it goes. If she doesn't respond to the texting then I guess I'll have to give up. I can't force her to be with me. Thanks for your comment though. However I could do with some more detailed info on the texting part if you have any advice please? :)
Hey, well unfortunately I can't "accidentally" bump into her as she lives in a different city about 45 mins away and I have no reason to go there. Plus even if I did decide to go there the chances of somehow bumping into her are very very unlikely as it's such a big place! I'll try Kevin's method and see how it goes. If she doesn't respond to the texting then I guess I'll have to give up. I can't force her to be with me. Thanks for your comment though. However I could do with some more detailed info on the texting part if you have any advice please? :)
Hey, well unfortunately I can't "accidentally" bump into her as she lives in a different city about 45 mins away and I have no reason to go there. Plus even if I did decide to go there the chances of somehow bumping into her are very very unlikely as it's such a big place! I'll try Kevin's method and see how it goes. If she doesn't respond to the texting then I guess I'll have to give up. I can't force her to be with me. Thanks for your comment though. However I could do with some more detailed info on the texting part if you have any advice please? :)
Hey, well unfortunately I can't "accidentally" bump into her as she lives in a different city about 45 mins away and I have no reason to go there. Plus even if I did decide to go there the chances of somehow bumping into her are very very unlikely as it's such a big place! I'll try Kevin's method and see how it goes. If she doesn't respond to the texting then I guess I'll have to give up. I can't force her to be with me. Thanks for your comment though. However I could do with some more detailed info on the texting part if you have any advice please? :)
Hey, well unfortunately I can't "accidentally" bump into her as she lives in a different city about 45 mins away and I have no reason to go there. Plus even if I did decide to go there the chances of somehow bumping into her are very very unlikely as it's such a big place! I'll try Kevin's method and see how it goes. If she doesn't respond to the texting then I guess I'll have to give up. I can't force her to be with me. Thanks for your comment though. However I could do with some more detailed info on the texting part if you have any advice please? :)
Yes, she was stringing you along as a backup because you were letting her do so. I still think you have a chance and no contact is the best thing to do. She never learned what it'll be like to lose you forever. You should go on a few dates as well during no contact.
Hey, after gone through your complete message i can tell you what. Better give her space now she is with other guy, let her be with him. Trust me, defiantly one day she will realise your importance. Be'coz that guy is not permanent. You were into 2yrs relation with her. May be u should know how she will be with out you. Till then "don't text or call her" meet her accidentally (just act) but not repeat it frequently. Act like you are happy. Don't ever mention to her, with out you i'm happy. Take care. THIS WILL WORK
Yes, she was stringing you along as a backup because you were letting her do so. I still think you have a chance and no contact is the best thing to do. She never learned what it'll be like to lose you forever. You should go on a few dates as well during no contact.
Hey, after gone through your complete message i can tell you what. Better give her space now she is with other guy, let her be with him. Trust me, defiantly one day she will realise your importance. Be'coz that guy is not permanent. You were into 2yrs relation with her. May be u should know how she will be with out you. Till then "don't text or call her" meet her accidentally (just act) but not repeat it frequently. Act like you are happy. Don't ever mention to her, with out you i'm happy. Take care. THIS WILL WORK
Yes, she was stringing you along as a backup because you were letting her do so. I still think you have a chance and no contact is the best thing to do. She never learned what it'll be like to lose you forever. You should go on a few dates as well during no contact.
Hey, after gone through your complete message i can tell you what. Better give her space now she is with other guy, let her be with him. Trust me, defiantly one day she will realise your importance. Be'coz that guy is not permanent. You were into 2yrs relation with her. May be u should know how she will be with out you. Till then "don't text or call her" meet her accidentally (just act) but not repeat it frequently. Act like you are happy. Don't ever mention to her, with out you i'm happy. Take care. THIS WILL WORK
Forgot to mention some quite significant points...aside from me not giving her attention (which I'll admit to) she told me in a calm discussion very recently that she thought I was handsome but didn't find me "want to rip your clothes of sexy", Which suggests that she no longer finds me attractive? Might be a bit of a relationship killer? Obviously she does with this new guy.
Also we met each other on Plenty of Fish. So when she told me after our initial breakup that she was going to start dating again I found she'd made a profile on there. I confronted her and she admitted it. I asked her to delete it and she made excuses up that she couldn't delete it from her phone and needed to borrow her dads laptop to do it, which was clearly a lie. For the entirety of the 3 months of me trying to get her back she kept saying she "enjoyed spending time with me but something wasn't right but didn't know what it was?" and therefore couldn't decide what to do. However it makes me believe I was just a plan B, something to fall back on in case she didn't find or until she did find something better.
Not sure if this changes you opinion on the matter?
Forgot to mention some quite significant points...aside from me not giving her attention (which I'll admit to) she told me in a calm discussion very recently that she thought I was handsome but didn't find me "want to rip your clothes of sexy", Which suggests that she no longer finds me attractive? Might be a bit of a relationship killer? Obviously she does with this new guy.
Also we met each other on Plenty of Fish. So when she told me after our initial breakup that she was going to start dating again I found she'd made a profile on there. I confronted her and she admitted it. I asked her to delete it and she made excuses up that she couldn't delete it from her phone and needed to borrow her dads laptop to do it, which was clearly a lie. For the entirety of the 3 months of me trying to get her back she kept saying she "enjoyed spending time with me but something wasn't right but didn't know what it was?" and therefore couldn't decide what to do. However it makes me believe I was just a plan B, something to fall back on in case she didn't find or until she did find something better.
Not sure if this changes you opinion on the matter?
Yes, it can work. Her new relationship is probably a rebound anyways.
The suggestion that one's relationship to a man or woman, no matter how passionate, is analagous to an addiction--and the only way to cure an addiction is to go cold turkey--is
not true. While it is a fact that about 70% of addicts do succeed for a time in suddenly stopping using the drug they are addicted to, the relapse rate of addicts is very high. Depending on the drug, succes rates of going "cold turkey" vary from 3% (cocaine); 2%
(nicotine), and <25% for opiates (or 1:4).
Why is this? Simply put, it is the horrors of withdrawal which can produce a catalogue of extremely distressful symptoms, some of which can be life-threatening. This is why whether one is trying to become free of a dependence on benzos (the most difficult to overcome) or alcohol, going cold turkey is far inferior to "tapering" to end an addiction.
The physiology of it is well known. Opiates, nicotine, and alcohol alter brain chemistry and time is needed for neurochemicals to return to a pre-addiction level.
The chances of someone getting over a shattered relationship or trying to save one that is failing is much better if small changes are made by degree. Rather than stop ALL communication--emails, texts, phone calls, face-to-face encounters, one tapers off the person (if that is the only alternative) in the same way one would taper off a benzo like xanax: methodically and with a great deal of patience, understanding there will be some degree of pain but it will not be as severe as that brought about by going cold turkey and which causes the high rate of failure.
Now, how would you do this?
First, you must understand that certain obsessive behaviors could be lawfully considered as "stalking" if the behavior causes fear in the person you are trying to get over. Uninvited meetings, gifts, excessive phone calls, a sense of desperation…anything that suggests desperation could fall into that category, and be considered a crime.
Trust me, it happens.
If you choose to go cold turkey, then begin with stopping phone calls, visits to the person's house, and contrived meetings. Of course, if they have become engaged or married, ALL contact must stop and going cold turkey is the only option.
Slowly "taper down" your text messages if that's what you do. There is nothing wrong with texting something like, "Still have a sweater you left in my car. What would you like me to do with it?
Wait a week and then send another, "Saw Liz. She asked me how you were doing and I said she might call you at work. Her new cell number is 345-6789."
If the situation does arise, there's nothing wrong with asking a mutual friend how the girl
or guy is doing, if they got accepted to law school; just don't make it about the relationship.
Most of all, if you consider what you're going through as some sort of unbearable infirmity remember the words of Ovid,
"The best way to get over a lost love is to find a new one."
And above all consider this: When the angels depart; the archangels can arrive."
You may think the one that got away is the best of all loves for you. Probably not.
When I was younger, a few years ago I got a royal screwing from the girl who i thought was my "one and only". I felt trapped into some endless night when I discovered her betrayal.
Fast forward to day. I consider the day she blew me out of her life as one of the best things that ever happened to me because I've met someone who makes me feel like she never could. I would have thought it impossible but it happened. In truth, eventually, I did go cold turkey but it wasn't painful because our time together became fewere and fewer. It was a natural tapering.
Cold turkey may work for you but, because it can be so unbearably painful, make the chains that bind you to this person even stronger.
Hey Christian,
Thanks for your comment and your analysis. I agree with a few things you said but I'll still keep the stand that cold turkey is the best way to handle breakups. Like you said, the reason those drug addiction are hard to overcome with cold turkey is because they alter brain chemistry. With an ex, the addiction is mainly psychological and not so much chemical.
Also, with nicotine, "tapering" to end the addiction is in my experience worse than going cold turkey. Nicotine has extremely mild withdrawal symptoms, which are just exaggerated in our mind because of the fear of quitting. I know the success rate of cold turkey is 3%. But that's because the perception of people quitting cigarettes cold turkey is prone to failure. If you look at the "Easy Way Method" by Allen Carr, the success rate is 90%. And their method doesn't use any tapering. I know what I am saying might be a little controversial, but I personally struggled with smoking for quite a while and tried all the methods until I finally quit using Allen Carr's method. Of course, I did try cold turkey before with the wrong perception and failed miserably. But that is a topic for another website.
I guess what you said about slowly decreasing contact might work for some and probably has worked for many. But in my experience, a little contact with an ex can also take you back to square one. I've seen a lot of people who made incredible progress in their life and an innocent contact with their ex made them start obsessing again. Of course, it's not the case with everybody. For some, getting back in touch after a while also gives them closure when they realize they aren't attracted to their ex anymore.
Hey Christian,
Thanks for your comment and your analysis. I agree with a few things you said but I'll still keep the stand that cold turkey is the best way to handle breakups. Like you said, the reason those drug addiction are hard to overcome with cold turkey is because they alter brain chemistry. With an ex, the addiction is mainly psychological and not so much chemical.
Also, with nicotine, "tapering" to end the addiction is in my experience worse than going cold turkey. Nicotine has extremely mild withdrawal symptoms, which are just exaggerated in our mind because of the fear of quitting. I know the success rate of cold turkey is 3%. But that's because the perception of people quitting cigarettes cold turkey is prone to failure. If you look at the "Easy Way Method" by Allen Carr, the success rate is 90%. And their method doesn't use any tapering. I know what I am saying might be a little controversial, but I personally struggled with smoking for quite a while and tried all the methods until I finally quit using Allen Carr's method. Of course, I did try cold turkey before with the wrong perception and failed miserably. But that is a topic for another website.
I guess what you said about slowly decreasing contact might work for some and probably has worked for many. But in my experience, a little contact with an ex can also take you back to square one. I've seen a lot of people who made incredible progress in their life and an innocent contact with their ex made them start obsessing again. Of course, it's not the case with everybody. For some, getting back in touch after a while also gives them closure when they realize they aren't attracted to their ex anymore.
Hello Kevin, could you give me your advise, please? My boy friend and I have been dating for two years. We loved each other and saw each other frequently. We had big problem problems in our relationship, and mostly it's my unable emotions. After he got a job in another states, he got busy. I visited him once, but we ended up having a big flight for some trivial stuff. After I got back to my place, he started contacting me less and less. It has been four months. We did not break up, but we didn't seem to be together too. After he deleted and blocked me on Facebook a week ago, I wrote an email to him and wondered why. He replied it to me next day and told me it's a family issue (His father dislike me, although we never saw each other). He told me it's temporary. Therefore, I thanked his honestly and asked to be alone to deal with my emotions for a few days. He has not contact me after all. Is there any chance for us to be together again? After the flights and arguments? I did change myself quite a lot (for my own good), especially my emotional issue, and he noticed it. Thank you, Kevin. Your help would be greatly appreciated !!!
Thank you so very much, Kevin!
My boy friends said there is no future for us a while ago because he thinks we did not get along because of lots of trivial arguments over the past two years. I started the no contact by chance a week ago. What do you think I should do next? No contact is the right strategy in this situation?
Thank you, again, for your time answering my question. I am very appreciated !!
Yes, it is. Get back in touch after 30 days using the letter mentioned in the article.
Kevin,
Thank you so much for your answer and guidance. I will follow it.
Sincerely,
Anne
Hello Kevin,
Could you give me some advice on this, please? My bf and I have not contacted each over for almost over three weeks, which is sad. I don't know if he cares about me or not. Anyways, I have got a job offer (which is not in his city). Should I tell him? Or should I wait until I graduate at the same time I will finish NC? Thank you so much!
Anne
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Thank you again, Kevin. I will follow your advice.
Hello Kevin,
My boyfriend has not contacted me over two weeks, and we are in a long distance relationship. I am getting concerned. He has lots going on in his life (mostly will be end by this month I guess), and I am going to graduate in early May. I have read some of your articles and your advices for other people. Since we have not broken up (but it seemed like we did); but there’s been no contact between us since. I keep thinking of what he said to me that "there is no future for us", and he was very determined. However, should I contact him by the end of this month (it will be NC for three weeks)?
Thank you so much again.
I think it'll better to contact him after your graduation. This way, you'll complete no contact and you'll have something new and exciting to talk about.
I think it'll better to contact him after your graduation. This way, you'll complete no contact and you'll have something new and exciting to talk about.
I think it'll better to contact him after your graduation. This way, you'll complete no contact and you'll have something new and exciting to talk about.
I think it'll better to contact him after your graduation. This way, you'll complete no contact and you'll have something new and exciting to talk about.
I think it'll better to contact him after your graduation. This way, you'll complete no contact and you'll have something new and exciting to talk about.
I think it'll better to contact him after your graduation. This way, you'll complete no contact and you'll have something new and exciting to talk about.
Hello Kevin,
Could you give me some advice on this, please? My bf and I have not contacted each over for almost over three weeks, which is sad. I don't know if he cares about me or not. Anyways, I have got a job offer (which is not in his city). Should I tell him? Or should I wait until I graduate at the same time I will finish NC? Thank you so much!
Anne
Thank you again, Kevin. I will follow your advice.
Hello Kevin,
My boyfriend has not contacted me over two weeks, and we are in a long distance relationship. I am getting concerned. He has lots going on in his life (mostly will be end by this month I guess), and I am going to graduate in early May. I have read some of your articles and your advices for other people. Since we have not broken up (but it seemed like we did); but there’s been no contact between us since. I keep thinking of what he said to me that "there is no future for us", and he was very determined. However, should I contact him by the end of this month (it will be NC for three weeks)?
Thank you so much again.
Hello Kevin,
Could you give me some advice on this, please? My bf and I have not contacted each over for almost over three weeks, which is sad. I don't know if he cares about me or not. Anyways, I have got a job offer (which is not in his city). Should I tell him? Or should I wait until I graduate at the same time I will finish NC? Thank you so much!
Anne
Thank you again, Kevin. I will follow your advice.
Hello Kevin,
My boyfriend has not contacted me over two weeks, and we are in a long distance relationship. I am getting concerned. He has lots going on in his life (mostly will be end by this month I guess), and I am going to graduate in early May. I have read some of your articles and your advices for other people. Since we have not broken up (but it seemed like we did); but there’s been no contact between us since. I keep thinking of what he said to me that "there is no future for us", and he was very determined. However, should I contact him by the end of this month (it will be NC for three weeks)?
Thank you so much again.
Hello Kevin,
Could you give me some advice on this, please? My bf and I have not contacted each over for almost over three weeks, which is sad. I don't know if he cares about me or not. Anyways, I have got a job offer (which is not in his city). Should I tell him? Or should I wait until I graduate at the same time I will finish NC? Thank you so much!
Anne
Thank you again, Kevin. I will follow your advice.
Hello Kevin,
My boyfriend has not contacted me over two weeks, and we are in a long distance relationship. I am getting concerned. He has lots going on in his life (mostly will be end by this month I guess), and I am going to graduate in early May. I have read some of your articles and your advices for other people. Since we have not broken up (but it seemed like we did); but there’s been no contact between us since. I keep thinking of what he said to me that "there is no future for us", and he was very determined. However, should I contact him by the end of this month (it will be NC for three weeks)?
Thank you so much again.
Hello Kevin,
Could you give me some advice on this, please? My bf and I have not contacted each over for almost over three weeks, which is sad. I don't know if he cares about me or not. Anyways, I have got a job offer (which is not in his city). Should I tell him? Or should I wait until I graduate at the same time I will finish NC? Thank you so much!
Anne
Thank you again, Kevin. I will follow your advice.
Hello Kevin,
My boyfriend has not contacted me over two weeks, and we are in a long distance relationship. I am getting concerned. He has lots going on in his life (mostly will be end by this month I guess), and I am going to graduate in early May. I have read some of your articles and your advices for other people. Since we have not broken up (but it seemed like we did); but there’s been no contact between us since. I keep thinking of what he said to me that "there is no future for us", and he was very determined. However, should I contact him by the end of this month (it will be NC for three weeks)?
Thank you so much again.
Kevin,
Thank you so much for your answer and guidance. I will follow it.
Sincerely,
Anne
Kevin,
Thank you so much for your answer and guidance. I will follow it.
Sincerely,
Anne
Kevin,
Thank you so much for your answer and guidance. I will follow it.
Sincerely,
Anne
Yes, it is. Get back in touch after 30 days using the letter mentioned in the article.
Yes, it is. Get back in touch after 30 days using the letter mentioned in the article.
Yes, there is a chance. Every couple fights and have arguments. All the best.
Thank you so very much, Kevin!
My boy friends said there is no future for us a while ago because he thinks we did not get along because of lots of trivial arguments over the past two years. I started the no contact by chance a week ago. What do you think I should do next? No contact is the right strategy in this situation?
Thank you, again, for your time answering my question. I am very appreciated !!
Yes, there is a chance. Every couple fights and have arguments. All the best.
Hi Kevin, me & my boyfriend broke up a few days ago. The only reason he gave me was that he wanted to be single. Im struggling very hard, im only 16 but we were together for over a year & I feel empty. We still talk but its only been 5 days since, & im already texting him & stuff. I dont want to but for some reason I feel better when I talk to him. I keep hoping that if I give him some real space that he will think stuff through, & miss me. What do you think?
You should give him space and you should learn to be happy without him in your life.
You should give him space and you should learn to be happy without him in your life.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me June 2013 while he living out of the country for half a year. Right after he broke up with me, he cut all ties completely with me. I tried messaging and tried talking to him but I never got a response. I finally gave up all attempts at communicating with him. Weeks went by and I finally heard something from him. I had bought a plane ticket to surprise him for our anniversary but didn't let him know this during the time we were together nor while or after he was breaking up with me. He must have found out through friends that I was still deciding to go and visit the country but that I was going to do it on my own and without letting him know. Once he found this out, he decided to have something to do with me again and wanted to share the experience with me and after a couple of weeks of talking to one another, I decided to give in and allow him and I to spend my vacation together, even though we technically still were not together. The 7 weeks I was there, it was amazing and that was the best times we had ever shared with each other in the 2 years that we had been together. We didn't argue, we didn't fight, and the problems that had been present before, didn't seem to have been any issue while I was there. His reasoning behind breaking up with me was because he had felt that he needed to find himself and to try and figure out his future and his own life; to find his own way I guess you could say because he felt like he couldn't do that while being in a relationship. He wanted his space, he wanted his freedom, and he just wanted to be himself without any obligations or responsibilities that come along in a relationship. Once I left the country, things got shaky afterwards and we started to drift apart. He finally moved back home two weeks after I left but everything was different and everything had changed. He became increasingly distant and withdrawn and even though he wanted to still see and talk to me, he still didn't want to have a relationship with me. Of course, after all the times that we had just shared with each other, I fought against it. Then I just finally gave up and quick communicating and removed myself out of his life for a few weeks. He tried calling, texting, and making plans with me, but I ignored every attempt. After a few weeks of trying on his part, he ended up showing at my house because he wanted to talk to me. I let him in where he decided to pour out his heart to me and tell me how much he loved me, how much he missed me, and how he wanted to spend more time with me. I was a bit hesitant because of what previously happened but I decided to give it a shot and take things slowly, or at least I thought I would. As the weeks progressed, we started spending more and more time together. He started being loving, affectionate, compassionate, and doing many things for me. We were finally starting to rekindle the romance between each other that had once been there. Things had finally started looking up and I was remaining positive until one day I had found out that him and a girl from his past (ex fling) had had a conversation between each other, which he did tell me about. I respected him telling me the truth but I always had this inclination that there was always more than just a "fling" between them two. I know I should have kept my cool but I couldn't control the jealousy and insecurities that had decided to show up. I knew that because we technically had not made it official that we were back together, that at any moment in time, he could do whatever he wanted to do and there would be nothing wrong with that. That incident had caused problems between us but we were able to move past that and continue to move forward with each other. A couple of months had gone by and I hadn't brought up the relationship talk and we started getting along and things seemed to have been going fine, or so I had thought. Once again the romance, the affection, the love, the time spent together had increased. A couple of nights ago, after a great weekend with each other, he sat me down and told me that we needed to talk. He told me that even though he loves me very much and deeply cares about me, that he is no longer "in love" with me anymore and that his feelings have changed for me. He told me that he considers me to be his best friend but that he doesn't see me as anything more than that anymore. He said he still wants to be friends and still wants to spend time with me and hang out, but that he was tired of having a "psuedo-relationship" because being in a relationship wasn't something that he still wanted. He still felt like he needed to venture out into the world to find himself and create a prosper future for himself and as long as we were together or acting like we were together, he wouldn't be able to truly find himself and individuality.
So this is where I am stuck. I have no idea what to do anymore and I haven't made contact with him since this incident occurred. He did message me yesterday but I ignored it and didn't receive anything else from him for the remaining day and night. I still love him very much and I still want us to be together again one day and work things out but of course, it has to be a two way street. What I am left sitting here wondering, is if it is too late for things to be rekindled between him and I or if I should just let him go and move on? And will the 'No Contact Rule" work in a situation like this? I know it is possible for people's feelings to come and go and I know it is possible for people to fall back in love with one another but I don't know the right way in going about mending things. If you could please give me some insight and some help, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
It's worth trying again. I think no contact will work. Also, read the 5 step plan.
It's worth trying again. I think no contact will work. Also, read the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I have been going through all the problems that people post here and the advice you give them. So I have mustered up some confidence to ask for your advice for my problem.
I was in a relationship with a guy for one and a half years and initially things were great. But as time passed a lot of problems started cropping up like trust issues ( I did not cheat on him) but in general he lost faith in me. He kept telling me that if there was no honesty then it was a deal breaker. I kept trying to win his trust and confidence but it kept waning and finally a few weeks back he broke up with me. It wasn't the first time that he had done it but he kept coming back and told me that he wants this relationship to work and that I was not helping at all. I know in my heart that I tried my level best.
This has been the longest he has been silent and twice I simply messaged not to beg him to come back but just to tell him that I miss him ( without making it sound emotional or pleading)
I really don't know what is going on in his mind. And I don't know how to bring him back. Can you help me please.
Hey Myra,
It's hard to say what's going on in his mind, but I can tell you he is missing you as well and he definitely still has feelings for you. You should follow the advice in the article and send him the letter after 30 days of no contact.
Thank you so much Kevin :)
After a year of trust and love she simply said:" have no feeling for you anymore", it passed almost 2 months with no contact... Why should i contact her back ? i love her so much and i still do and she's on my mind every single moment of the day when im at work or playing ball or playing online or going out with friends or playing with my band or or or . i didn't break any rule i didn't even call her or txt her or talked with her friends.. If i say i dont love her i will b lying but i have my pride... she broke my heart and i will never forgive her for that although she's the love of my life. And if she will contact me i will answer her phone call with a smile acting that im doing good without her and everything is cool but i will be lying. Please correct me and explain more about pride... Thanks
Ps: i feel that i wont be comfortable before she calls me, just to satisfy my ego...
Hey,
Is being without her and still loving her making you happy? I think loving someone and not making a move is foolish. Either make an effort to move on and get over her. Or make an effort to get back together. Even if you don't get back together, it'll be easier for you to move on since you will know that it's over for good.
In your current state, you are clearly not over her. If you don't want to get back in touch, I'll recommend you make an effort to get over her. There are many resources on the internet on the topic of getting over a breakup.
Hey,
Is being without her and still loving her making you happy? I think loving someone and not making a move is foolish. Either make an effort to move on and get over her. Or make an effort to get back together. Even if you don't get back together, it'll be easier for you to move on since you will know that it's over for good.
In your current state, you are clearly not over her. If you don't want to get back in touch, I'll recommend you make an effort to get over her. There are many resources on the internet on the topic of getting over a breakup.
Hey,
Is being without her and still loving her making you happy? I think loving someone and not making a move is foolish. Either make an effort to move on and get over her. Or make an effort to get back together. Even if you don't get back together, it'll be easier for you to move on since you will know that it's over for good.
In your current state, you are clearly not over her. If you don't want to get back in touch, I'll recommend you make an effort to get over her. There are many resources on the internet on the topic of getting over a breakup.
Hey,
Is being without her and still loving her making you happy? I think loving someone and not making a move is foolish. Either make an effort to move on and get over her. Or make an effort to get back together. Even if you don't get back together, it'll be easier for you to move on since you will know that it's over for good.
In your current state, you are clearly not over her. If you don't want to get back in touch, I'll recommend you make an effort to get over her. There are many resources on the internet on the topic of getting over a breakup.
Thank you so much Kevin :)
After a year of trust and love she simply said:" have no feeling for you anymore", it passed almost 2 months with no contact... Why should i contact her back ? i love her so much and i still do and she's on my mind every single moment of the day when im at work or playing ball or playing online or going out with friends or playing with my band or or or . i didn't break any rule i didn't even call her or txt her or talked with her friends.. If i say i dont love her i will b lying but i have my pride... she broke my heart and i will never forgive her for that although she's the love of my life. And if she will contact me i will answer her phone call with a smile acting that im doing good without her and everything is cool but i will be lying. Please correct me and explain more about pride... Thanks
Ps: i feel that i wont be comfortable before she calls me, just to satisfy my ego...
Thank you so much Kevin :)
After a year of trust and love she simply said:" have no feeling for you anymore", it passed almost 2 months with no contact... Why should i contact her back ? i love her so much and i still do and she's on my mind every single moment of the day when im at work or playing ball or playing online or going out with friends or playing with my band or or or . i didn't break any rule i didn't even call her or txt her or talked with her friends.. If i say i dont love her i will b lying but i have my pride... she broke my heart and i will never forgive her for that although she's the love of my life. And if she will contact me i will answer her phone call with a smile acting that im doing good without her and everything is cool but i will be lying. Please correct me and explain more about pride... Thanks
Ps: i feel that i wont be comfortable before she calls me, just to satisfy my ego...
Hey Myra,
It's hard to say what's going on in his mind, but I can tell you he is missing you as well and he definitely still has feelings for you. You should follow the advice in the article and send him the letter after 30 days of no contact.
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago because he wanted to focus on himself and his goals and said I deserve better and deserve someone who is 100 percent committed to me. We dated for 8 months, and the whole 8 months he was wining and dining me, then as soon as we made it official he lost his job and became distant, we were only official for a month and then he broke it off, I was devastated because I was in love with him at that point and still am. 2 weeks after the breakup , I contacted him and we started texting. Then one month afterwards, we finally we went out a couple times and he seemed to almost be getting back to normal, of course we then started having sex (which I regret). As soon as we had sex, he started being distant again almost immediately and 10 days later, we had a talk and he said he still did not want to get back together after I asked him. That was 5 days ago and we both haven't contacted each other since. Please tell me what I should do now. Is this a lost cause?
Okay, do you think I should go for no contact for 1 month or 2 months based on the circumstances? After we broke up 2 months ago, I did no contact for only 2 weeks
One month. If you don't think you are ready (read the checklist in the article to know you are ready or not), then make it 2 months.
One month. If you don't think you are ready (read the checklist in the article to know you are ready or not), then make it 2 months.
One month. If you don't think you are ready (read the checklist in the article to know you are ready or not), then make it 2 months.
Okay, do you think I should go for no contact for 1 month or 2 months based on the circumstances? After we broke up 2 months ago, I did no contact for only 2 weeks
Hi Kevin,
I really enjoyed this article and thought it had some helpful points. The thing is me and my boyfriend arent ex's yet. He had just told me last night that he was going through a lot of uncertainty in his life and isnt sure if his feelings for me are strong enough. We've been together about 5 months and says that he is content with me, just not as crazy in love as he thinks he should be. After our conversation about this last night (over text), we did not break up but it's driving me crazy knowing he's thinking about it. Do these rules still apply to this situation? He has yet to text me today, and I am trying really hard to keep a level head and give him his space by not texting him. Thanks!
Don't apply no contact if you've not broken up officially. But you should give him space and don't act needy at all.
Thanks! He did finally text me and say he wasnt sure if he wanted to break up and just needed space to think about it. So it would be best to not contact him unless he contacts me first, correct? Also, how likely do you think it is he will end up deciding to stay. I just feel like if he has to think about it then thats not good.
If he doesn't contact you in the next two weeks, you should contact him. It's hard to say whether or not he will stay, but yes, if he has to think about it, it's not good. But it's still better than him breaking up right away.
If he doesn't contact you in the next two weeks, you should contact him. It's hard to say whether or not he will stay, but yes, if he has to think about it, it's not good. But it's still better than him breaking up right away.
If he doesn't contact you in the next two weeks, you should contact him. It's hard to say whether or not he will stay, but yes, if he has to think about it, it's not good. But it's still better than him breaking up right away.
If he doesn't contact you in the next two weeks, you should contact him. It's hard to say whether or not he will stay, but yes, if he has to think about it, it's not good. But it's still better than him breaking up right away.
Thanks! He did finally text me and say he wasnt sure if he wanted to break up and just needed space to think about it. So it would be best to not contact him unless he contacts me first, correct? Also, how likely do you think it is he will end up deciding to stay. I just feel like if he has to think about it then thats not good.
Thanks! He did finally text me and say he wasnt sure if he wanted to break up and just needed space to think about it. So it would be best to not contact him unless he contacts me first, correct? Also, how likely do you think it is he will end up deciding to stay. I just feel like if he has to think about it then thats not good.
Don't apply no contact if you've not broken up officially. But you should give him space and don't act needy at all.
Dear Kevin
I don't normally ask my problems or seek my advice about dating but for some reason reading your blogs and people's questions and how you respond to them. I would ask my family and friends but for some reasons, my friends who never experienced something like this give me wrong advice's. I was debating to even message you a question, but here goes.
I met my boyfriend 3 months ago (november) however nothing started to be official until December when we confirm to be bf and gf. however a long the weeks ahead we had little quarrels either it could be miss communications and ego/pride. There were times when were doing just fine, but then he ruins the moment by saying or doing something stupid. My friends say we were on and off. He said he loves me so much that he cannot bare to loose me. He even did drastic measures to get my attention back. But I was scared. because everything was going way too fast and I didn't know how to handle the situations. I thought of unfriending him on facebook, ignoring his calls, and do the cliche "lets breakk up". Out of anger I do these. But there was a time where he asked to meet up late at night over fight. I did that ignoring phase. But it was painful because I like him so much that I was scared. he gave me a chance but I blew it. I guess I did the wrong moves. but he was actually my first boyfriend, which I couldn't tell him. (I know a few facts about him, that he has all these girls messaging him, but there was a time I saw his messages to all his exes that he "loves them" and "wants to get married" I read the patterns he tells them. Dishearten, so every now and then when he talks to me I sense the same pattern. ) He is 2 years older than I am. I'm 23 and he is 25. Now that we are in long distance. It is harder because I can't see him at all. It was a rocky 3-4 months communication. I did all the talking, I mostly talked about my day-to-day, then i asked him what he is up to. but he gives me the 1-2 words empty conversation. It gave me headaches. He told me I am boring and not interesting anymore. I even cried myself to sleep for weeks because he never tried to even talk. I am not the type of person to send "I love you" or really cheesy love lines. and yes sometimes I don't even know what to say. He'd ask if I love him, and how much. and I would say a lot. As the months came the more I missed him. Since we're not together physically we tried to skype each other frequently but the problem is our communication. I did the ignoring stage but he kept calling me non-stop. we even had fight online, he would say I am the problem, I am a bitch and stupid enough to understand, I act like an elementary mind set, and this and that. While all I do is stay calm, try to reason it out, and not say anything to him cause infact I am scared to of fear that he will let me go. We fought even to say "lets break up" because he doesn't see this relationship go anywhere.
He has work in another country for 6 months while I am stuck in the states. For the few 2 months I have been grieving, beating myself up to it, crying like an idiot. When in the first place I did the dumping first because i THOUGHT it was the right way, but i ended up falling for him after. Like I took his love for granted and now that I want him so bad I get treated like shit.
My friends/family are concern of my health. This boyfriend or ex boyfriend treats me like shit on skype he would tell me curse me words of the "F'Us" the "Bees" call me a loner with no friends. And when I really got fed up because I TRIED TO MAKE IT WORK. I stopped everything. He would call me, text me, even skype messages
he would say hes sorry, that he is wrong that he loves me and miss meso much. then here i am to fall for it and answer. he said he'd change but he never does and tells me that i am still boring. I honestly have nothing to talk about anymore.
I am starting to think I am boring. But comparison, he is a guy who admits he never likes music, only reads political and business types of books, drinks every weekend after work, parties etc. I was told he is a party person. but honestly when I look at it, its not fun. I am the opposite, introvert&extrovert in between, I like to dance, read books, create art, outdoor activities, talk be with friends, listen to music. and pretty much anything I find interesting. to label me boring i question myself all the time.
this long distance kills me. and i wanted him back so badly but he keeps saying he cant because of his work, that I SHOULD go to HIM. I mean I can, but I can't since I am financial down, and I tried but I have no money which I explained to him. But he tells me that "its not becuz u cant its becuz u didnt try" and he goes "i cant believe and trust u anymore". I stare at those words and i am like begging already to make him understand. how is trust involved when one person has no money to travel to see them. and before all of this. he did mention he would hurt me if ever i see him.
recently this long distance has got me thinking I am the problem. but when when he said to our last breakup online he goes on saying that he will never say sorry because he thinks it is 100% my fault. then i reason it out, then he tells me that if yes he wants to break up unless i dont see him in the country he is in now. and im like its not fair! cuz im still going to university and working 3 jobs but the money is not enough. he even called me a beggar. how can I be one, when I am working 3 jobs to save for my studies and pay bills. and now another baggage to see him. but when he said "your a poor beggar, beg on" he pushed a wrong button and I exploded. I am tired. Why cant he just come and visit me instead?
Recently, he told me to get married to him but i didnt say anything. cuz if i said yes he'd tell me to fly out. but I have my goals to finish my 2nd course in university. he would countless say he loves me so much. but what i dont get is, he calls me a bitch, screams out the "f-us" and call me "friendless loser with no friends" then when i stop talking to him he calls me saying he loves me. I have never been in such a roller coaster. It makes me MAD and SAD. but still I love him well..half of it anyways.
Then today he asked if I want to have sex with him, and it was out of the blue. he even asked me to send my naked photo to him. and when i asked why, he demands it on the spot. I didnt reply. and no I wont send it. I know for a fact he'd either threaten me with those. But I am so scared he would leave me. I wanted to email him that I am not the type of woman to send those, if he loves me he would respect me.
but im scared, cause with my over thinking I fear he would insult me of my personality call me boring and all the names a high school kid would say not a manly way. nope.
my family and friends said that he is only after getting it from me and doesn't care about me. after he cursed me right, he would ask if he can call. and when i pick up he doesnt say anything at all. ignored.
will he really come back for me? but after i type this i dont know.
I saw his TRUE colours. with this long distance.
that is why i couldnt say yes to him thru marrying. and to the point even if I smile to the fact I am scared. but then again even if i said yes, it is just words.
I was told, if he was a decent man he would fly out back and propose normally.
SORRY for the paragraph. but i had to point out it out.
please reply. thank you
Sky,
He is emotionally abusive and you should apply no contact rule for at least 3 months. I know you feel like you love him, but trust me you are just attached to him and are afraid of losing him. The feeling you have is just FEAR of losing someone who was close to you. This feeling can easily be mistaken for love. I'll recommend you tell him you need some space and time and you don't want him to contact you for three months. Then start no contact and even if he contacts you, don't answer.
Look at yourself, you are scared, you are doubting yourself, you are just hoping he will become a decent man, when clearly he is not. Were you this much miserable before you met him? Love is supposed to make you feel better in your life, not worse. Love helps you grow in your life, it doesn't make you doubt yourself. It's not love Sky, it's FEAR.
Sky,
He is emotionally abusive and you should apply no contact rule for at least 3 months. I know you feel like you love him, but trust me you are just attached to him and are afraid of losing him. The feeling you have is just FEAR of losing someone who was close to you. This feeling can easily be mistaken for love. I'll recommend you tell him you need some space and time and you don't want him to contact you for three months. Then start no contact and even if he contacts you, don't answer.
Look at yourself, you are scared, you are doubting yourself, you are just hoping he will become a decent man, when clearly he is not. Were you this much miserable before you met him? Love is supposed to make you feel better in your life, not worse. Love helps you grow in your life, it doesn't make you doubt yourself. It's not love Sky, it's FEAR.
Hi , im a guy 29 iv been in relationship with my girl around 4 years and after that we break up , after 6-7 month shes got married with other guy i think just because of rampage after 6-7 month shes devorced , but i still love her i miss her , it is worth to take my ex back or not , and how ? I need ur help , thank you
Hey,
If you still have feelings for her, you should get back in touch with her using the texts in this page.
Hey,
If you still have feelings for her, you should get back in touch with her using the texts in this page.
Hi Kevin!
My ex girlfriend I was together for 1.5 years. She's 22 and I'm soon 24. We both have (a little) social anxiety, but grew very comfortable with each other. We always had so much fun and laughing a lot together, even the last week before we broke up. She was always very in love with me, wanting us to be together f0r a long time and hopefully get married one day. I was more realistic saying we probably won't be together forever, but not saying it'd be impossible either.
The last 2 months before breaking up, we were together more or less all the time (while not at work/school). She wanted to go more out partying with her friends, while I wanted more to just be alone with her. Partying and drinking was very important to her as she's young and is afraid of missing out on that part of life. A month before the breakup we had an argument where she wanted more "free time" to be with her friends and such. I was hurt, and went home to my parents. The next day we were both sorry; I said I would let her have more time for herself. But we gradually ended up spending every day together anyway. Then suddenly one day she broke up with me. Everything was so normal right before the breakup; we even made love a couple of hours earlier. Then suddenly out of nowhere, she want to be friends, and nothing more. I'm shocked, because she was always the one head over heals over me; always complimenting me on my looks and how proud she is of me.
I called almost every day the first week after the breakup, and she's pretty set on her decision. The last time we contacted was one week after the breakup. I tried not to beg or anything, but I really tried to get to the bottom of why she wanted to break up; I still dont really undertand. Last time we spoke, she said a lot of nice things about me, but she says she doesn't want a relationship right now - and that she doesnt see us getting back together (in the near future) either. How can she change so much so quickly?? There is no other guy; I know her. I believe her. I was never overly nice guy to her I think, but I was always good to her. She still loves me, but not in love with me; and says she loves me as friend now. :(
It's been 3.5 weeks since the breakup now; 2.5 weeks of NC. I did tell her I would do NC on her to try to get over her. But now I feel she really might be the one. An incredibly rare match -- we have _everything_ in common- music, interests, thoughts/doubts, humour, tv-series/movies, everything! We even study the same thing. I love her, and can't let go, even though I know it's possible to find somebody else, I don't think I can find anyone with THAT much in common with. We've been on such beautiful holidays together; and I always felt that she really "needed" me, which I loved! I can't let go of all our good times! We hardly ever fought either!
I want her back more than anything in the world. Is there hope? What is she thinking? This must be a huge mistake?? :'( Please help/advice. Thanks.
There is definitely hope. She just lost attraction. Follow the plan, make some positive changes in your life, go on a few dates and get back in touch with her using texts.
It's good to hear that there's hope :) Thank you!
But it does worry me that she can just loose attraction like that - is that really _all_ that connects us?? I want deep unconditional love - I don't want to step on eggshells in the future, constantly worrying about how to "trick" her brain into keeping the attraction up.
Hopefully, it was only the "over-exposure" and that I was too dependent on her that caused it. But if I get her (attraction) back, how can I not worry about her loosing her feelings again? I want to relax and be myself like I used to! It also also puzzles me a little that she "lusted" for me at the same time as not being attracted (enough) to me. Is it possible that she _sincerely_ just needs to be single for a while (since hardly been single during her life), or is it definitely the attraction thing? She insists that I didn't do anything wrong at all :/ What attracted her initially was my looks and kindness/sweetness according to herself. Why do you think she lost attraction? Could it be that I didn't show enough affection for her in return or that I was skeptical about (life-long) commitment?
If she sincerely just needs to be single/"free", should I just let her be for a while (possibly get a temporary (ethical) rebound-gf), knowing that she'll be back eventually, or will I loose my chance forever if I give her too much space?
It could be a lot of thing. Perhaps the little differences in what you both wanted made her lose the attraction. Or perhaps she is just trying to discover herself or explore her options. As for unconditional love, in my opinion, there is no such thing. You always need to work on your relationship to make it stronger. Love requires work. Relationships require work. You can relax and be yourself, but you can't take things for granted. If you put in enough work; your relationship can have a level of commitment, stability, and faithfulness in a relationship. And even after that, there is always a small chance that your partner might leave you. The only way to not worry about losing your partner is to know that even if your partner leaves you, you will be alright.
It could be a lot of thing. Perhaps the little differences in what you both wanted made her lose the attraction. Or perhaps she is just trying to discover herself or explore her options. As for unconditional love, in my opinion, there is no such thing. You always need to work on your relationship to make it stronger. Love requires work. Relationships require work. You can relax and be yourself, but you can't take things for granted. If you put in enough work; your relationship can have a level of commitment, stability, and faithfulness in a relationship. And even after that, there is always a small chance that your partner might leave you. The only way to not worry about losing your partner is to know that even if your partner leaves you, you will be alright.
It could be a lot of thing. Perhaps the little differences in what you both wanted made her lose the attraction. Or perhaps she is just trying to discover herself or explore her options. As for unconditional love, in my opinion, there is no such thing. You always need to work on your relationship to make it stronger. Love requires work. Relationships require work. You can relax and be yourself, but you can't take things for granted. If you put in enough work; your relationship can have a level of commitment, stability, and faithfulness in a relationship. And even after that, there is always a small chance that your partner might leave you. The only way to not worry about losing your partner is to know that even if your partner leaves you, you will be alright.
It could be a lot of thing. Perhaps the little differences in what you both wanted made her lose the attraction. Or perhaps she is just trying to discover herself or explore her options. As for unconditional love, in my opinion, there is no such thing. You always need to work on your relationship to make it stronger. Love requires work. Relationships require work. You can relax and be yourself, but you can't take things for granted. If you put in enough work; your relationship can have a level of commitment, stability, and faithfulness in a relationship. And even after that, there is always a small chance that your partner might leave you. The only way to not worry about losing your partner is to know that even if your partner leaves you, you will be alright.
It's good to hear that there's hope :) Thank you!
But it does worry me that she can just loose attraction like that - is that really _all_ that connects us?? I want deep unconditional love - I don't want to step on eggshells in the future, constantly worrying about how to "trick" her brain into keeping the attraction up.
Hopefully, it was only the "over-exposure" and that I was too dependent on her that caused it. But if I get her (attraction) back, how can I not worry about her loosing her feelings again? I want to relax and be myself like I used to! It also also puzzles me a little that she "lusted" for me at the same time as not being attracted (enough) to me. Is it possible that she _sincerely_ just needs to be single for a while (since hardly been single during her life), or is it definitely the attraction thing? She insists that I didn't do anything wrong at all :/ What attracted her initially was my looks and kindness/sweetness according to herself. Why do you think she lost attraction? Could it be that I didn't show enough affection for her in return or that I was skeptical about (life-long) commitment?
If she sincerely just needs to be single/"free", should I just let her be for a while (possibly get a temporary (ethical) rebound-gf), knowing that she'll be back eventually, or will I loose my chance forever if I give her too much space?
It's good to hear that there's hope :) Thank you!
But it does worry me that she can just loose attraction like that - is that really _all_ that connects us?? I want deep unconditional love - I don't want to step on eggshells in the future, constantly worrying about how to "trick" her brain into keeping the attraction up.
Hopefully, it was only the "over-exposure" and that I was too dependent on her that caused it. But if I get her (attraction) back, how can I not worry about her loosing her feelings again? I want to relax and be myself like I used to! It also also puzzles me a little that she "lusted" for me at the same time as not being attracted (enough) to me. Is it possible that she _sincerely_ just needs to be single for a while (since hardly been single during her life), or is it definitely the attraction thing? She insists that I didn't do anything wrong at all :/ What attracted her initially was my looks and kindness/sweetness according to herself. Why do you think she lost attraction? Could it be that I didn't show enough affection for her in return or that I was skeptical about (life-long) commitment?
If she sincerely just needs to be single/"free", should I just let her be for a while (possibly get a temporary (ethical) rebound-gf), knowing that she'll be back eventually, or will I loose my chance forever if I give her too much space?
There is definitely hope. She just lost attraction. Follow the plan, make some positive changes in your life, go on a few dates and get back in touch with her using texts.
My girlfriend broke up with me over a month back. We never had a fight in our relationship or even during break-up. It's just that she got interested in a new guy (i can confirm and he is UGLY ), but she doesn't admit that. She told me that she is putting us on hiatus so that she can focus on study. I understood everything and choose to say nothing as the charm of the new guy had more weight.
Since then I havent talked to our mutual friends or her. She has been posting stuff on fb and purposely trying to hide anything related to the new guy. She has exams starting in 10 days. I'm thinking of sending a small text of good luck to her. Any ideas?
Follow the 5 step plan. If no contact is not over in 10 days, skip the exam text and contact her only after her exams are finished.
Follow the 5 step plan. If no contact is not over in 10 days, skip the exam text and contact her only after her exams are finished.
I have a long long story, will try to cut it short. About a year ago I met a guy over a dating website, we clicked right away as friends. He told me his story (in a relationship with a girl for almost 4 years, she had a 10 year old son whom he hated, wasn't working out with her all that much either, so he was looking to somehow get out). Me, I was out of my 5 year relationship for about 4-5 months by the time I met him. Was completely over the guy, everything just fell apart and we went our separate ways, so I was enjoying the single life constantly going out, getting in trouble and so on. Was nice having a friend that would always come to the rescue day or night. Then we started getting closer, attraction all that, so finally had sex and the "Relationship" if u can call it that started. He was still with her, unhappy there, happy here with me. I realized what was going on, but was just living in a moment not caring about anything, still partying and all that. He never promised me anything I never promised him anything. As the time went by I became attached to him same with him, while she is still in the picture. They broke it off multiple times while this whole thing was going on, but for some reason he kept going back to her. At some point I realized that I have pretty deep feelings for him and this can't go on, he on the other hand yet again decides that wants to go back to her and have a family. Ok, I break down go away to Russia for a few weeks, we don't talk or anything, NC at all. This was about 4 months after we met. The whole time im in Russia, I cant wait to come back and c him. That's what I do. I go see him. He tells me his heart stopped once he saw me, turned out that he went by my house trying to talk to me while I was away. About 2 weeks later they break up for good. Still didn't get back together. But, with me it's all weird. He is using pull push strategy. He'd tell me that we are just friends and he doesn't want the relationship with me (he knows that I love him). Says that his feeling are not as strong as mine and that he has to be head over heels over the girl to be with her. Says that I smother him with attention and that I want to much from him and can’t appreciate what he already gives me. So he would push me away. Once it was with a very harsh letter. My family was visiting at the time and my aunt spoke with him and told him if u don't have anything for her let her go, I will help her get through it while im here. The next day he shows up at my place and we r back on, even tho it was never official. he introduced me to his entire family. always brings me to c his parents, all the holidays I spent with them. Asks me to sit with his dog, at his place while no one is there. asks me to go spend time with his mother so she is not lonely when he is at work. just to name a few. last time after we broke it off and he came back he told me that once he was looking at me and told himself that he loves me, as soon as he realized it he got rid of that feeling, because he doesn't believe in love and doesn't know what it is. He said that he doesn’t want me because he doesn’t want to keep hurting me more than he already has, but he feels that he needs me and is very afraid of the moment when he loses me. So… Last night I couldn’t sleep so I texted him asking to bring my laptop back the next day, he comes over at 5 am says to me that it’s over, he doesn’t want to string me along anymore and waste my time. And that’s it. That pull push has been going on since the end of November, he’d push me away saying that im not someone he needs or sees as him wife or whatever and that im just a friend and then he’d come back saying that he is an idiot and that he needs me. Any thoughts on this one? As far as im concerned its really over this time. Because I’ve asked him not to pull me back again if we split. I also asked him not to fake anything because he has told me before that he would come by to c me or call me or text me just because he felt bad for me. So I said not to do that anymore cause it’s not good for me or him. I don’t want this to be over. I really did this that he is the one, we’ve been very honest with each other from the very beginning and I like that, I trust him, but I don’t believe him. So basically any input on this is much appreciated.
Hey,
I think he needs a lot of time to deal with his breakup. If you don't give it to him, there will always be this push pull behavior. He needs at least 4-5 months to come in terms with the breakup and start looking for a relationship again. Hopefully, he will contact you at that time. Even if he doesn't you should contact him after 4-5 months.
I guess no thoughts on that one... Well... thank you anyway for the advise. Your articles are very helpful as well. So keep them coming. Cheers!
He definitely has feelings for you. And if he comes back again, you shouldn't take him back unless you are absolutely sure he won't leave again. Take things slowly, let him prove his commitment to you. If he comes back, you should be in completely control of the relationship. And the only way you can control the relationship is by being confident and caring more about yourself than him.
so we ended up speaking yesterday. he said that his life sucks, but it's better with me in it. the reason why he is pushing me back is because he is afraid that if we do end up together and his x comes back into the picture he'll go back to her. not that he wants to because the relationship was horrible and unhealthy, not that he plans to, but she planted a seed into his head that they are meant to be together no matter what happens they will end up together. she kept saying it and it's stuck in his head. he said that there is no closure, he is trying to find it and get rid of the thoughts about her but for some reason can't. says that it's like she put a spell on him. any thoughts?
If you think he really means it, then you should really move on. Tell him that it's not your responsibility to make his life better. You need to worry about your life and your happiness and you can't be happy in this situation. Start no contact and tell him when he is absolutely over his ex, he can come back and if you are single at that time, you will consider it. Till then apply no contact.
If you think he really means it, then you should really move on. Tell him that it's not your responsibility to make his life better. You need to worry about your life and your happiness and you can't be happy in this situation. Start no contact and tell him when he is absolutely over his ex, he can come back and if you are single at that time, you will consider it. Till then apply no contact.
If you think he really means it, then you should really move on. Tell him that it's not your responsibility to make his life better. You need to worry about your life and your happiness and you can't be happy in this situation. Start no contact and tell him when he is absolutely over his ex, he can come back and if you are single at that time, you will consider it. Till then apply no contact.
If you think he really means it, then you should really move on. Tell him that it's not your responsibility to make his life better. You need to worry about your life and your happiness and you can't be happy in this situation. Start no contact and tell him when he is absolutely over his ex, he can come back and if you are single at that time, you will consider it. Till then apply no contact.
If you think he really means it, then you should really move on. Tell him that it's not your responsibility to make his life better. You need to worry about your life and your happiness and you can't be happy in this situation. Start no contact and tell him when he is absolutely over his ex, he can come back and if you are single at that time, you will consider it. Till then apply no contact.
If you think he really means it, then you should really move on. Tell him that it's not your responsibility to make his life better. You need to worry about your life and your happiness and you can't be happy in this situation. Start no contact and tell him when he is absolutely over his ex, he can come back and if you are single at that time, you will consider it. Till then apply no contact.
I have a feeling that he will stop by today.
And another email from him: Can you respond to me?
so what do u know... this time it wasn't even three full days. last night he calls me on facetime, I ignore. then sends me an email saying that he dropped off my package at the ups, I ignore again. 3 hours later, another email asking me if I watched the new episode of the show we usually watch together. ummmm, ok. I guess I keep ignoring? today im supposed to go to a bday party, but now i don't know if i want to because i know how much he hates when i go out.
Continue ignoring. If you want to go for the party, don't stay back for him. You should definitely go out. Remember care about yourself more than him. If he continues contacting you or he stops by, tell him you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone for a while. Stay calm while talking to him and be firm.
Continue ignoring. If you want to go for the party, don't stay back for him. You should definitely go out. Remember care about yourself more than him. If he continues contacting you or he stops by, tell him you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone for a while. Stay calm while talking to him and be firm.
Continue ignoring. If you want to go for the party, don't stay back for him. You should definitely go out. Remember care about yourself more than him. If he continues contacting you or he stops by, tell him you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone for a while. Stay calm while talking to him and be firm.
Continue ignoring. If you want to go for the party, don't stay back for him. You should definitely go out. Remember care about yourself more than him. If he continues contacting you or he stops by, tell him you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone for a while. Stay calm while talking to him and be firm.
Continue ignoring. If you want to go for the party, don't stay back for him. You should definitely go out. Remember care about yourself more than him. If he continues contacting you or he stops by, tell him you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone for a while. Stay calm while talking to him and be firm.
Continue ignoring. If you want to go for the party, don't stay back for him. You should definitely go out. Remember care about yourself more than him. If he continues contacting you or he stops by, tell him you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone for a while. Stay calm while talking to him and be firm.
Kevin, you are great! Again, thank you very much for this. You hit the spot with your "care more about yourself than him". I can't seem to do that, I completely broke and changed myself for him. Before I used to rule in relationships. He changed everything. Gotta learn how to go back to being the old me, the real me. And not this puppet that I became just because I always wanted to please him. Love is great, but sometimes turns us into miserable creatures. BTW we r both 30, in case you were wondering.
so we ended up speaking yesterday. he said that his life sucks, but it's better with me in it. the reason why he is pushing me back is because he is afraid that if we do end up together and his x comes back into the picture he'll go back to her. not that he wants to because the relationship was horrible and unhealthy, not that he plans to, but she planted a seed into his head that they are meant to be together no matter what happens they will end up together. she kept saying it and it's stuck in his head. he said that there is no closure, he is trying to find it and get rid of the thoughts about her but for some reason can't. says that it's like she put a spell on him. any thoughts?
I have a feeling that he will stop by today.
And another email from him: Can you respond to me?
so what do u know... this time it wasn't even three full days. last night he calls me on facetime, I ignore. then sends me an email saying that he dropped off my package at the ups, I ignore again. 3 hours later, another email asking me if I watched the new episode of the show we usually watch together. ummmm, ok. I guess I keep ignoring? today im supposed to go to a bday party, but now i don't know if i want to because i know how much he hates when i go out.
Kevin, you are great! Again, thank you very much for this. You hit the spot with your "care more about yourself than him". I can't seem to do that, I completely broke and changed myself for him. Before I used to rule in relationships. He changed everything. Gotta learn how to go back to being the old me, the real me. And not this puppet that I became just because I always wanted to please him. Love is great, but sometimes turns us into miserable creatures. BTW we r both 30, in case you were wondering.
so we ended up speaking yesterday. he said that his life sucks, but it's better with me in it. the reason why he is pushing me back is because he is afraid that if we do end up together and his x comes back into the picture he'll go back to her. not that he wants to because the relationship was horrible and unhealthy, not that he plans to, but she planted a seed into his head that they are meant to be together no matter what happens they will end up together. she kept saying it and it's stuck in his head. he said that there is no closure, he is trying to find it and get rid of the thoughts about her but for some reason can't. says that it's like she put a spell on him. any thoughts?
I have a feeling that he will stop by today.
And another email from him: Can you respond to me?
so what do u know... this time it wasn't even three full days. last night he calls me on facetime, I ignore. then sends me an email saying that he dropped off my package at the ups, I ignore again. 3 hours later, another email asking me if I watched the new episode of the show we usually watch together. ummmm, ok. I guess I keep ignoring? today im supposed to go to a bday party, but now i don't know if i want to because i know how much he hates when i go out.
Kevin, you are great! Again, thank you very much for this. You hit the spot with your "care more about yourself than him". I can't seem to do that, I completely broke and changed myself for him. Before I used to rule in relationships. He changed everything. Gotta learn how to go back to being the old me, the real me. And not this puppet that I became just because I always wanted to please him. Love is great, but sometimes turns us into miserable creatures. BTW we r both 30, in case you were wondering.
so we ended up speaking yesterday. he said that his life sucks, but it's better with me in it. the reason why he is pushing me back is because he is afraid that if we do end up together and his x comes back into the picture he'll go back to her. not that he wants to because the relationship was horrible and unhealthy, not that he plans to, but she planted a seed into his head that they are meant to be together no matter what happens they will end up together. she kept saying it and it's stuck in his head. he said that there is no closure, he is trying to find it and get rid of the thoughts about her but for some reason can't. says that it's like she put a spell on him. any thoughts?
I have a feeling that he will stop by today.
And another email from him: Can you respond to me?
so what do u know... this time it wasn't even three full days. last night he calls me on facetime, I ignore. then sends me an email saying that he dropped off my package at the ups, I ignore again. 3 hours later, another email asking me if I watched the new episode of the show we usually watch together. ummmm, ok. I guess I keep ignoring? today im supposed to go to a bday party, but now i don't know if i want to because i know how much he hates when i go out.
Kevin, you are great! Again, thank you very much for this. You hit the spot with your "care more about yourself than him". I can't seem to do that, I completely broke and changed myself for him. Before I used to rule in relationships. He changed everything. Gotta learn how to go back to being the old me, the real me. And not this puppet that I became just because I always wanted to please him. Love is great, but sometimes turns us into miserable creatures. BTW we r both 30, in case you were wondering.
so we ended up speaking yesterday. he said that his life sucks, but it's better with me in it. the reason why he is pushing me back is because he is afraid that if we do end up together and his x comes back into the picture he'll go back to her. not that he wants to because the relationship was horrible and unhealthy, not that he plans to, but she planted a seed into his head that they are meant to be together no matter what happens they will end up together. she kept saying it and it's stuck in his head. he said that there is no closure, he is trying to find it and get rid of the thoughts about her but for some reason can't. says that it's like she put a spell on him. any thoughts?
I have a feeling that he will stop by today.
And another email from him: Can you respond to me?
so what do u know... this time it wasn't even three full days. last night he calls me on facetime, I ignore. then sends me an email saying that he dropped off my package at the ups, I ignore again. 3 hours later, another email asking me if I watched the new episode of the show we usually watch together. ummmm, ok. I guess I keep ignoring? today im supposed to go to a bday party, but now i don't know if i want to because i know how much he hates when i go out.
Kevin, you are great! Again, thank you very much for this. You hit the spot with your "care more about yourself than him". I can't seem to do that, I completely broke and changed myself for him. Before I used to rule in relationships. He changed everything. Gotta learn how to go back to being the old me, the real me. And not this puppet that I became just because I always wanted to please him. Love is great, but sometimes turns us into miserable creatures. BTW we r both 30, in case you were wondering.
He definitely has feelings for you. And if he comes back again, you shouldn't take him back unless you are absolutely sure he won't leave again. Take things slowly, let him prove his commitment to you. If he comes back, you should be in completely control of the relationship. And the only way you can control the relationship is by being confident and caring more about yourself than him.
He definitely has feelings for you. And if he comes back again, you shouldn't take him back unless you are absolutely sure he won't leave again. Take things slowly, let him prove his commitment to you. If he comes back, you should be in completely control of the relationship. And the only way you can control the relationship is by being confident and caring more about yourself than him.
He definitely has feelings for you. And if he comes back again, you shouldn't take him back unless you are absolutely sure he won't leave again. Take things slowly, let him prove his commitment to you. If he comes back, you should be in completely control of the relationship. And the only way you can control the relationship is by being confident and caring more about yourself than him.
And what should I do in the meantime? Meaning if IF he comes back again, what do I do then? I mean we've be over this many times, sometimes he could disappear for 3 weeks (the longest), sometimes it's just a few days.
Do you think he actually has feelings for me or does he really look at me as if im just a friend like he always says? Im just very confused by this behavior.
I guess no thoughts on that one... Well... thank you anyway for the advise. Your articles are very helpful as well. So keep them coming. Cheers!
And what should I do in the meantime? Meaning if IF he comes back again, what do I do then? I mean we've be over this many times, sometimes he could disappear for 3 weeks (the longest), sometimes it's just a few days.
Do you think he actually has feelings for me or does he really look at me as if im just a friend like he always says? Im just very confused by this behavior.
I guess no thoughts on that one... Well... thank you anyway for the advise. Your articles are very helpful as well. So keep them coming. Cheers!
And what should I do in the meantime? Meaning if IF he comes back again, what do I do then? I mean we've be over this many times, sometimes he could disappear for 3 weeks (the longest), sometimes it's just a few days.
Do you think he actually has feelings for me or does he really look at me as if im just a friend like he always says? Im just very confused by this behavior.
Hey,
I think he needs a lot of time to deal with his breakup. If you don't give it to him, there will always be this push pull behavior. He needs at least 4-5 months to come in terms with the breakup and start looking for a relationship again. Hopefully, he will contact you at that time. Even if he doesn't you should contact him after 4-5 months.
Hi Kevin,I had read your all 5 steps but unfortunately i think its bit late for me,i am 23yrs of age and my ex is 22,we were together since 6 months from june2013 to dec13,but my possessiveness ruin our relation though i love her very very much,we were working together but break up cause me to leave the organisation which I was seeking from last 3years,after that i had tried to contact her in every possible from message to email,since last 4 months i was continuously text her because i thought time shouldn't run away but she feel it very irritating and start to hate me more than she loved me,we were in great relationship but my few mistakes asked me to pay heavy price,but i really love her and she had also loved me alot,and i desperately want her back so please please help me out
You should follow the 5 steps Mahesh. It's not too late.
You should follow the 5 steps Mahesh. It's not too late.
By the way, im 25 and my ex is 26.
KEVIN PLEASE HELP MAN after dating for 4 months my gf dumped me over christmas. when we got back to school we said to remain just friends and that was fine. i did no contact but would reply and just say im busy studying and exercise. after many arguments and cutting contact completely almost a month, she eventually contacted me for sex. then the sex continued but she started to treat me so terribly. we used to see each other every day now twice a week, tell me not to talk to certain girls, she would get explosively angry over tiny things like being two minutes late or a candy being eaten. so we were in a friends with benefits but we were barely friends. she didnt want to talk on campus just on facebook. she said she is absolutely sure she doesnt want to be with me when the term ends bc she wants to find her husband when we both move to the same city and she is sure i am not him. theres a month left of school and this past month she has ended things with me a dozen times saying goodbye forever and i try to work things out every time even though we arent actually a couple. today another threat because im accidentally sitting next to a girl in the library that she repeatedly said i dont care if you talk to her. i told her she wasnt there when i sat and tried to defend myself. finally i told her "hey i like you a lot but you already decided that im not going to be in ur future and you should do what just makes you happy"....no answer yet. i dont know what to do man. school is done in a month. then its a 3 month vacation. then we move to the same city for school again.
Hey herb,
Follow the 5 step plan. Contact her a month before vacation finishes via text. Till that time, stay no contact and go on a few dates before getting back in touch.
Hey herb,
Follow the 5 step plan. Contact her a month before vacation finishes via text. Till that time, stay no contact and go on a few dates before getting back in touch.
He broke up with me on yesterday, and it didn't hit me until an hour later. I can not stop thinking about him. I have been dreaming about him every night even when we were together. I really want him back, for than you can imagine. he is the only one that makes me feel like I can be my true self. I don't know what to do with myself. everywhere I go I am ending up in a place where we were happy together, and that makes me even sadder. Today at the end of school when people are whating for their bus to go home. I asked one of my good friends to go ask him back out again and I won't be clingy anymore. But he said no still, so that made me sadder and more desperate. So right before I got on the but I asked by best friend to convinse him to go back out with me. And she said she would do it on the bus. And I am assuming that he said no because he hasn't texted me at all since the break up.
What should I do????
Follow the advise in the article.
Follow the advise in the article.
Hey Kevin back again,
So I went home for the weekend and hung out with friends went to a concert and everything. Then my ex texts me with sad faces and says he really misses me and wants to hang out and catch up. We hang out the first day with his brother (which he didn't know was coming) and we had a great sweet time just as friends and it was just overall good. Then we hangout again the next day and he warns me that I might not want to come this time because of where him and his boys conversations end up since i would be the only girl there. I still went because I thought it would only be small stuff that I could handle. Well I went and my ex talked about girls around me (like rating girls that walked by) and his friends started these conversations. In the end when he was dropping me off i started crying and got upset which made him get really defensive when I told him the stuff he was saying such a miss you and sad faces weren't displaying a just friends vibe. And he got defensive saying thats what he does to his friends and what not. I sent him a snapchat and I sent that one to a lot of other people and he responded. I'm wondering did I mess everything up? What to do now?
OK, I read all your past comments and I don't see you finishing no contact till now. You have been in contact with him on and off but you didn't complete no contact. So, I'll recommend you start no contact and this time, don't get back in touch with him unless you are ready to do so. Se the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the article.
OK, I read all your past comments and I don't see you finishing no contact till now. You have been in contact with him on and off but you didn't complete no contact. So, I'll recommend you start no contact and this time, don't get back in touch with him unless you are ready to do so. Se the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the article.
Hey kevin
as you know me and my ex were in a secret relatuonship for 3 1/2 yrs. as shes so scared of anyone finding out. its been 2 months since we broke up now and as u know i outed her begged pleaded all the stuff forfirst 6 weeks. now one of her friends found me ob twitter and fillowed mr on twitter. as i know how scared my ex is of anyone finding out about me i messaged her to tell her this. she replied lou u need to move on i never want u in my life. so i was being nice with what she fearws the most and thats how she treats me. why is she doing this??
Hey lou,
As I've repeatedly told you, you need to apply no contact. You are just looking for an excuse to contact her and it makes you look needy and desperate. She is doing this because you are needy and desperate. Unless you apply no contact for 45 days, you don't have any hope.
Ok this is fair enough, she rang me today to give me info, re prescription of mine, she said answer your phone or you wont get chance to speak to me again, when I called she was cival, but then said I have to go wish u all the best. (I answered this before I read your comment sorry) why did she rather ring then email me, and then suddley go? Is this games?
Ok Kevin, I am sorry. I am glad I still have a chance tho I thought her mum would have inteferance with her as stop her coming forward!
Lou,
Think about this. If you called her and she didn't answer the phone. And then if you sent her the same message, that is "answer the phone or you won't get a chance to speak to me again", what will she do? She won't do anything. She will even laugh at you and still won't answer your phone. You know why? Because she knows you are needy and desperate for her. She has ALL THE POWER. And you are letting her have it. She is enjoying this power over you. The only way to reverse it is to apply no contact. If she calls you again, don't answer. If she keeps calling for more than 3 days continuously, then send her a short message telling her you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't call you. That is the only way you even have a chance of getting her back. You have broken no contact again. That is why, you need to start again. Starting today. Yes, I know it will be more than 3 months since the breakup if you start no contact now. It's OK. You will still have a chance. But only if you actually follow it this time.
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does? And Chloe said she had to get her mum involved due to all the previous contacts has made her distressed and crying in front of her parents. I haven't applied contact for a week u still think chance even tho chloe is distressed and crying?why is she crying? Also as said what if her mum has an infulance when Chloe changes mind?
Lou,
You already know the answers to your questions. I think you keep asking the same questions again and again just to reassure yourself that you have a chance. But you need to stop obsessing over her before you can contact her. I want you to try to stop thinking about her so much and concentrate on other things in your life. Take up a new hobby and start doing some physical activities.
Lou,
You already know the answers to your questions. I think you keep asking the same questions again and again just to reassure yourself that you have a chance. But you need to stop obsessing over her before you can contact her. I want you to try to stop thinking about her so much and concentrate on other things in your life. Take up a new hobby and start doing some physical activities.
Lou,
You already know the answers to your questions. I think you keep asking the same questions again and again just to reassure yourself that you have a chance. But you need to stop obsessing over her before you can contact her. I want you to try to stop thinking about her so much and concentrate on other things in your life. Take up a new hobby and start doing some physical activities.
Lou,
You already know the answers to your questions. I think you keep asking the same questions again and again just to reassure yourself that you have a chance. But you need to stop obsessing over her before you can contact her. I want you to try to stop thinking about her so much and concentrate on other things in your life. Take up a new hobby and start doing some physical activities.
Lou,
You already know the answers to your questions. I think you keep asking the same questions again and again just to reassure yourself that you have a chance. But you need to stop obsessing over her before you can contact her. I want you to try to stop thinking about her so much and concentrate on other things in your life. Take up a new hobby and start doing some physical activities.
Lou,
You already know the answers to your questions. I think you keep asking the same questions again and again just to reassure yourself that you have a chance. But you need to stop obsessing over her before you can contact her. I want you to try to stop thinking about her so much and concentrate on other things in your life. Take up a new hobby and start doing some physical activities.
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does?
Hi Kevin,
Her mum has always known about our relationship, its her friends and rest of her family that do not know.
Please can I ask why do none of the other things matter?
Her mum left me a long voice mail souding angry telling me to stay away.
So even if her mums been involved and chloe has also said never friends go away, I still have chance with 45 days nc?
Lou,
Because to me it seems everything she has been saying is because she thinks you are needy and desperate and no one wants to be with someone needy. She genuinely believes right now that there is no chance in the future for you too. A lot of people think like this after a breakup but change their mind after a while. Yes, I do think you have a chance but only if you apply no contact and stop being needy and desperate. If you do everything written in the no contact section of the guide, you will have a pretty good chance of getting her back.
Lou,
Because to me it seems everything she has been saying is because she thinks you are needy and desperate and no one wants to be with someone needy. She genuinely believes right now that there is no chance in the future for you too. A lot of people think like this after a breakup but change their mind after a while. Yes, I do think you have a chance but only if you apply no contact and stop being needy and desperate. If you do everything written in the no contact section of the guide, you will have a pretty good chance of getting her back.
Lou,
Because to me it seems everything she has been saying is because she thinks you are needy and desperate and no one wants to be with someone needy. She genuinely believes right now that there is no chance in the future for you too. A lot of people think like this after a breakup but change their mind after a while. Yes, I do think you have a chance but only if you apply no contact and stop being needy and desperate. If you do everything written in the no contact section of the guide, you will have a pretty good chance of getting her back.
Lou,
Because to me it seems everything she has been saying is because she thinks you are needy and desperate and no one wants to be with someone needy. She genuinely believes right now that there is no chance in the future for you too. A lot of people think like this after a breakup but change their mind after a while. Yes, I do think you have a chance but only if you apply no contact and stop being needy and desperate. If you do everything written in the no contact section of the guide, you will have a pretty good chance of getting her back.
Lou,
Because to me it seems everything she has been saying is because she thinks you are needy and desperate and no one wants to be with someone needy. She genuinely believes right now that there is no chance in the future for you too. A lot of people think like this after a breakup but change their mind after a while. Yes, I do think you have a chance but only if you apply no contact and stop being needy and desperate. If you do everything written in the no contact section of the guide, you will have a pretty good chance of getting her back.
Lou,
Because to me it seems everything she has been saying is because she thinks you are needy and desperate and no one wants to be with someone needy. She genuinely believes right now that there is no chance in the future for you too. A lot of people think like this after a breakup but change their mind after a while. Yes, I do think you have a chance but only if you apply no contact and stop being needy and desperate. If you do everything written in the no contact section of the guide, you will have a pretty good chance of getting her back.
Sorry Kevin for all the messages.
After she sent me the above as I mention in my comment, and I haven't said anything more to her she has now got her mum to call me leaving me a very angry voice mail to say, leave chloe alone she never wants to be friends with you. So now her mum is involved and its got all messy, do I still have any chance after the NC
she now got her mum to txt me to say Chloe has moved on and I should mover on, why she getting her mum involved now
I thought she didn't want you to out her to her parents? How is she getting her mum involved?
I thought she didn't want you to out her to her parents? How is she getting her mum involved?
I thought she didn't want you to out her to her parents? How is she getting her mum involved?
I thought she didn't want you to out her to her parents? How is she getting her mum involved?
I thought she didn't want you to out her to her parents? How is she getting her mum involved?
I thought she didn't want you to out her to her parents? How is she getting her mum involved?
Thanks, however she sent me an email today - I did not reply saying anything.
'Lou have some self resect you, you need to stop contacting me as I no longer care for you and will never be friends with you, I feel so sad for you if you live on hope for us as this will never ever happen not even friends.
That is what she said, what do you think to the email message? Is it time to move on? Or still have chance with 45 days
All these things don't matter. If what I told you to do, doesn't work, then you should move on. As of now, you still have a chance.
All these things don't matter. If what I told you to do, doesn't work, then you should move on. As of now, you still have a chance.
All these things don't matter. If what I told you to do, doesn't work, then you should move on. As of now, you still have a chance.
All these things don't matter. If what I told you to do, doesn't work, then you should move on. As of now, you still have a chance.
All these things don't matter. If what I told you to do, doesn't work, then you should move on. As of now, you still have a chance.
All these things don't matter. If what I told you to do, doesn't work, then you should move on. As of now, you still have a chance.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for all your hard work and advice, I owe you so so much, really do, you are a good man!
So 3 months wont be to long for her to move on?
What will she think when I make no contact? and at what stage of the 45 days will she start feeling the affects of no contact?
Why was she telling me to move on she wants nothing to do with me?
No, 3 months is not too long.
First she will think you are still needy. Then she will slowly start missing you and probably even contact you. When you don't answer and/or tell her you need space and time, she might get angry and pissed off and might threaten you again that you can never be friends. Then if you still continue no contact, then she will start realizing that you are not needy and desperate anymore. At this point she will probably start respecting you again and will be open to communication and being friends again.
The reason she is telling you to move on is because you are being needy and desperate. Nobody wants an ex who is needy and desperate.
Also, the most important of no contact is not her, but it's you. I want you to read the part about no contact in the article above and make sure you do everything it says in the article. If it's possible, try going out on a few dates during no contact.
No, 3 months is not too long.
First she will think you are still needy. Then she will slowly start missing you and probably even contact you. When you don't answer and/or tell her you need space and time, she might get angry and pissed off and might threaten you again that you can never be friends. Then if you still continue no contact, then she will start realizing that you are not needy and desperate anymore. At this point she will probably start respecting you again and will be open to communication and being friends again.
The reason she is telling you to move on is because you are being needy and desperate. Nobody wants an ex who is needy and desperate.
Also, the most important of no contact is not her, but it's you. I want you to read the part about no contact in the article above and make sure you do everything it says in the article. If it's possible, try going out on a few dates during no contact.
No, 3 months is not too long.
First she will think you are still needy. Then she will slowly start missing you and probably even contact you. When you don't answer and/or tell her you need space and time, she might get angry and pissed off and might threaten you again that you can never be friends. Then if you still continue no contact, then she will start realizing that you are not needy and desperate anymore. At this point she will probably start respecting you again and will be open to communication and being friends again.
The reason she is telling you to move on is because you are being needy and desperate. Nobody wants an ex who is needy and desperate.
Also, the most important of no contact is not her, but it's you. I want you to read the part about no contact in the article above and make sure you do everything it says in the article. If it's possible, try going out on a few dates during no contact.
No, 3 months is not too long.
First she will think you are still needy. Then she will slowly start missing you and probably even contact you. When you don't answer and/or tell her you need space and time, she might get angry and pissed off and might threaten you again that you can never be friends. Then if you still continue no contact, then she will start realizing that you are not needy and desperate anymore. At this point she will probably start respecting you again and will be open to communication and being friends again.
The reason she is telling you to move on is because you are being needy and desperate. Nobody wants an ex who is needy and desperate.
Also, the most important of no contact is not her, but it's you. I want you to read the part about no contact in the article above and make sure you do everything it says in the article. If it's possible, try going out on a few dates during no contact.
No, 3 months is not too long.
First she will think you are still needy. Then she will slowly start missing you and probably even contact you. When you don't answer and/or tell her you need space and time, she might get angry and pissed off and might threaten you again that you can never be friends. Then if you still continue no contact, then she will start realizing that you are not needy and desperate anymore. At this point she will probably start respecting you again and will be open to communication and being friends again.
The reason she is telling you to move on is because you are being needy and desperate. Nobody wants an ex who is needy and desperate.
Also, the most important of no contact is not her, but it's you. I want you to read the part about no contact in the article above and make sure you do everything it says in the article. If it's possible, try going out on a few dates during no contact.
No, 3 months is not too long.
First she will think you are still needy. Then she will slowly start missing you and probably even contact you. When you don't answer and/or tell her you need space and time, she might get angry and pissed off and might threaten you again that you can never be friends. Then if you still continue no contact, then she will start realizing that you are not needy and desperate anymore. At this point she will probably start respecting you again and will be open to communication and being friends again.
The reason she is telling you to move on is because you are being needy and desperate. Nobody wants an ex who is needy and desperate.
Also, the most important of no contact is not her, but it's you. I want you to read the part about no contact in the article above and make sure you do everything it says in the article. If it's possible, try going out on a few dates during no contact.
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does? And Chloe said she had to get her mum involved due to all the previous contacts has made her distressed and crying in front of her parents. I haven't applied contact for a week u still think chance even tho chloe is distressed and crying?why is she crying? Also as said what if her mum has an infulance when Chloe changes mind?
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does?
Hi Kevin,
Her mum has always known about our relationship, its her friends and rest of her family that do not know.
Please can I ask why do none of the other things matter?
Her mum left me a long voice mail souding angry telling me to stay away.
So even if her mums been involved and chloe has also said never friends go away, I still have chance with 45 days nc?
Sorry Kevin for all the messages.
After she sent me the above as I mention in my comment, and I haven't said anything more to her she has now got her mum to call me leaving me a very angry voice mail to say, leave chloe alone she never wants to be friends with you. So now her mum is involved and its got all messy, do I still have any chance after the NC
she now got her mum to txt me to say Chloe has moved on and I should mover on, why she getting her mum involved now
Thanks, however she sent me an email today - I did not reply saying anything.
'Lou have some self resect you, you need to stop contacting me as I no longer care for you and will never be friends with you, I feel so sad for you if you live on hope for us as this will never ever happen not even friends.
That is what she said, what do you think to the email message? Is it time to move on? Or still have chance with 45 days
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for all your hard work and advice, I owe you so so much, really do, you are a good man!
So 3 months wont be to long for her to move on?
What will she think when I make no contact? and at what stage of the 45 days will she start feeling the affects of no contact?
Why was she telling me to move on she wants nothing to do with me?
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does? And Chloe said she had to get her mum involved due to all the previous contacts has made her distressed and crying in front of her parents. I haven't applied contact for a week u still think chance even tho chloe is distressed and crying?why is she crying? Also as said what if her mum has an infulance when Chloe changes mind?
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does?
Hi Kevin,
Her mum has always known about our relationship, its her friends and rest of her family that do not know.
Please can I ask why do none of the other things matter?
Her mum left me a long voice mail souding angry telling me to stay away.
So even if her mums been involved and chloe has also said never friends go away, I still have chance with 45 days nc?
Sorry Kevin for all the messages.
After she sent me the above as I mention in my comment, and I haven't said anything more to her she has now got her mum to call me leaving me a very angry voice mail to say, leave chloe alone she never wants to be friends with you. So now her mum is involved and its got all messy, do I still have any chance after the NC
she now got her mum to txt me to say Chloe has moved on and I should mover on, why she getting her mum involved now
Thanks, however she sent me an email today - I did not reply saying anything.
'Lou have some self resect you, you need to stop contacting me as I no longer care for you and will never be friends with you, I feel so sad for you if you live on hope for us as this will never ever happen not even friends.
That is what she said, what do you think to the email message? Is it time to move on? Or still have chance with 45 days
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for all your hard work and advice, I owe you so so much, really do, you are a good man!
So 3 months wont be to long for her to move on?
What will she think when I make no contact? and at what stage of the 45 days will she start feeling the affects of no contact?
Why was she telling me to move on she wants nothing to do with me?
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does? And Chloe said she had to get her mum involved due to all the previous contacts has made her distressed and crying in front of her parents. I haven't applied contact for a week u still think chance even tho chloe is distressed and crying?why is she crying? Also as said what if her mum has an infulance when Chloe changes mind?
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does?
Hi Kevin,
Her mum has always known about our relationship, its her friends and rest of her family that do not know.
Please can I ask why do none of the other things matter?
Her mum left me a long voice mail souding angry telling me to stay away.
So even if her mums been involved and chloe has also said never friends go away, I still have chance with 45 days nc?
Sorry Kevin for all the messages.
After she sent me the above as I mention in my comment, and I haven't said anything more to her she has now got her mum to call me leaving me a very angry voice mail to say, leave chloe alone she never wants to be friends with you. So now her mum is involved and its got all messy, do I still have any chance after the NC
she now got her mum to txt me to say Chloe has moved on and I should mover on, why she getting her mum involved now
Thanks, however she sent me an email today - I did not reply saying anything.
'Lou have some self resect you, you need to stop contacting me as I no longer care for you and will never be friends with you, I feel so sad for you if you live on hope for us as this will never ever happen not even friends.
That is what she said, what do you think to the email message? Is it time to move on? Or still have chance with 45 days
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for all your hard work and advice, I owe you so so much, really do, you are a good man!
So 3 months wont be to long for her to move on?
What will she think when I make no contact? and at what stage of the 45 days will she start feeling the affects of no contact?
Why was she telling me to move on she wants nothing to do with me?
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does? And Chloe said she had to get her mum involved due to all the previous contacts has made her distressed and crying in front of her parents. I haven't applied contact for a week u still think chance even tho chloe is distressed and crying?why is she crying? Also as said what if her mum has an infulance when Chloe changes mind?
Will I still have a chance even tho she has got her mum involved, wont her mum have an infulance on what Chloe does?
Hi Kevin,
Her mum has always known about our relationship, its her friends and rest of her family that do not know.
Please can I ask why do none of the other things matter?
Her mum left me a long voice mail souding angry telling me to stay away.
So even if her mums been involved and chloe has also said never friends go away, I still have chance with 45 days nc?
Sorry Kevin for all the messages.
After she sent me the above as I mention in my comment, and I haven't said anything more to her she has now got her mum to call me leaving me a very angry voice mail to say, leave chloe alone she never wants to be friends with you. So now her mum is involved and its got all messy, do I still have any chance after the NC
she now got her mum to txt me to say Chloe has moved on and I should mover on, why she getting her mum involved now
Thanks, however she sent me an email today - I did not reply saying anything.
'Lou have some self resect you, you need to stop contacting me as I no longer care for you and will never be friends with you, I feel so sad for you if you live on hope for us as this will never ever happen not even friends.
That is what she said, what do you think to the email message? Is it time to move on? Or still have chance with 45 days
Hey Kevin,
Thank you again for all your hard work and advice, I owe you so so much, really do, you are a good man!
So 3 months wont be to long for her to move on?
What will she think when I make no contact? and at what stage of the 45 days will she start feeling the affects of no contact?
Why was she telling me to move on she wants nothing to do with me?
Ok Kevin, I am sorry. I am glad I still have a chance tho I thought her mum would have inteferance with her as stop her coming forward!
Lou,
Think about this. If you called her and she didn't answer the phone. And then if you sent her the same message, that is "answer the phone or you won't get a chance to speak to me again", what will she do? She won't do anything. She will even laugh at you and still won't answer your phone. You know why? Because she knows you are needy and desperate for her. She has ALL THE POWER. And you are letting her have it. She is enjoying this power over you. The only way to reverse it is to apply no contact. If she calls you again, don't answer. If she keeps calling for more than 3 days continuously, then send her a short message telling her you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't call you. That is the only way you even have a chance of getting her back. You have broken no contact again. That is why, you need to start again. Starting today. Yes, I know it will be more than 3 months since the breakup if you start no contact now. It's OK. You will still have a chance. But only if you actually follow it this time.
Ok Kevin, I am sorry. I am glad I still have a chance tho I thought her mum would have inteferance with her as stop her coming forward!
Lou,
Think about this. If you called her and she didn't answer the phone. And then if you sent her the same message, that is "answer the phone or you won't get a chance to speak to me again", what will she do? She won't do anything. She will even laugh at you and still won't answer your phone. You know why? Because she knows you are needy and desperate for her. She has ALL THE POWER. And you are letting her have it. She is enjoying this power over you. The only way to reverse it is to apply no contact. If she calls you again, don't answer. If she keeps calling for more than 3 days continuously, then send her a short message telling her you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't call you. That is the only way you even have a chance of getting her back. You have broken no contact again. That is why, you need to start again. Starting today. Yes, I know it will be more than 3 months since the breakup if you start no contact now. It's OK. You will still have a chance. But only if you actually follow it this time.
Ok Kevin, I am sorry. I am glad I still have a chance tho I thought her mum would have inteferance with her as stop her coming forward!
Lou,
Think about this. If you called her and she didn't answer the phone. And then if you sent her the same message, that is "answer the phone or you won't get a chance to speak to me again", what will she do? She won't do anything. She will even laugh at you and still won't answer your phone. You know why? Because she knows you are needy and desperate for her. She has ALL THE POWER. And you are letting her have it. She is enjoying this power over you. The only way to reverse it is to apply no contact. If she calls you again, don't answer. If she keeps calling for more than 3 days continuously, then send her a short message telling her you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't call you. That is the only way you even have a chance of getting her back. You have broken no contact again. That is why, you need to start again. Starting today. Yes, I know it will be more than 3 months since the breakup if you start no contact now. It's OK. You will still have a chance. But only if you actually follow it this time.
Ok this is fair enough, she rang me today to give me info, re prescription of mine, she said answer your phone or you wont get chance to speak to me again, when I called she was cival, but then said I have to go wish u all the best. (I answered this before I read your comment sorry) why did she rather ring then email me, and then suddley go? Is this games?
Ok this is fair enough, she rang me today to give me info, re prescription of mine, she said answer your phone or you wont get chance to speak to me again, when I called she was cival, but then said I have to go wish u all the best. (I answered this before I read your comment sorry) why did she rather ring then email me, and then suddley go? Is this games?
Hey lou,
As I've repeatedly told you, you need to apply no contact. You are just looking for an excuse to contact her and it makes you look needy and desperate. She is doing this because you are needy and desperate. Unless you apply no contact for 45 days, you don't have any hope.
Hey Kevin,
My name is James and i'm currently 21 years old and my now ex girlfriend is 22 years old and her name is Meghan. I met her in high school I was 17 and a junior and she was a senior. It was love at first site. She had bad relationships before me and I treated her with all the respect in the world. She loved me and I loved her. We were together for 3 years staying close for college. It was in april of 2013 when we broke up the first time. She got her own apartment and things started to get too comfortable and more and more fights occurred. She told me she wasn't attracted to me anymore and that we should be apart. I was heart broken. All summer I tried getting her back I thought she was the love of my life. I then found out she was seeing a guy she use to be friends with back in high school named Brian. That was the hardest part for me. She started dating him 2 months after our break up. I thought she had finally moved on and was happy. I went through your 5 step procedure without even knowing it. Found happiness within myself and dated around and transferred schools.
Fall came around and it was her birthday. I sent her a simple text saying happy birthday and to give her family my love. That night she called me drunk saying she loved me and that Brian was in the other room but that I was the only one she loved. We had some small talk after that night and she said she wanted to be with me again and that she would leave Brian for me and that she never loved him. I was so happy I was finally getting the girl I loved back. Everything was perfect and we had that spark back. We dated for 6 months and then she all of the sudden broke up with me again in March. I was right back to where I was a year ago. She told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore and she needed space. I then found out she was seeing Brian again, 3 weeks after our break up. I hit rock bottom. I tried giving her all my love so that I would never lose her again or ever have that gut wrenching feeling like the whole world was going to end but I lost her anyway. She completely cut off contact with me and left me lower then I've ever felt. I can't believe she would do this to me. When she needed me the most and told me Brian was never there for her I was there for her and then she just leaves me like I meant nothing to her. Why would she do that? I feel like I'm suffering to get through everyday and she is just fine cuddling with Brian. I thought he was just her rebound but now she's always with him again. I know that I should probably move on but I really do love her. I don't know what to do Kevin. How do you keep the girl you love in your life. Should I just move on for good this time?
Well, I think you should. At this point, you've given everything you have to offer and it ends in breaking up again. This time, you should accept that you are better off without her. Do you want to put more effort into getting her back only for her to leave you again after 6 months? And leave you even more heartbroken than this (if that's even possible)?
Well, I think you should. At this point, you've given everything you have to offer and it ends in breaking up again. This time, you should accept that you are better off without her. Do you want to put more effort into getting her back only for her to leave you again after 6 months? And leave you even more heartbroken than this (if that's even possible)?
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I are 20. We dated for a year and a half and broke up a little over a month ago. She wanted to break up and remain friends. I know she is emotionally devastated. I've completed the 30 days and feel a lot better than when I started. I feel like I could go after other people and move on, but I still miss her and want to fix our relationship. I just sent the letter, only in email form. During the 30 days, she has made no attempt to contact me. What should I do if she doesn't contact me after the email?
Send her a text after a week.
Send her a text after a week.
hey kevin i just wanted thank you for all the advice on this site...im going through a rough time with the girl i love and this helped me see more clearly.. GREAT advice and i will defintely be using it!
much thanks
You're welcome Tai. I am glad my website helped.
You're welcome Tai. I am glad my website helped.
23 years old, short term relationship but the one of the most amazing we probably had , i screwed up when i was abroad cheating on her, and this makes her lose her feelings for me and she told me that she still wanted to meet but she needed space because she was confused.
I screwed up again because instead of apologizing after this and trying in a good way, i acted like with ego and proud telling her that i was busy all time to speak with her.
After a month and a half when i realized she moved on, i apologized with a letter and she told me that we had to keep good memories, and to stay friends.
But as we were again having good moments for two days i started to act in a way she interpreted like needy and like i wanted to come back so she became so cold to me until i ask her why she was doing it.
By phone she answered angry that as i probably hurted some girls from when i was a "player" and i dated more than one girl ( we were friends before this so she knew about my hook up times), that i have to accept that she may be bipolar but she no longer likes me. We ended well the convertation , staying finally as friends and having fun.
After this I have stayed two weeks of no contact for healing myself, but in a week im going to she her in an event-party. And obviously not needy but i dont know if act like hello and goodbye( like i dont give a shit anymore but in a kind way) and after this a text in a few days, or trying to have a good talk and try to arrange a short meeting for other day.
(my plan would be to reconnect, gain trust again like friends and with meetings,tiiime patience and my game be able to start again)
Yes i know it's a difficult situation, but inside me i know that i still have this sort of connection when im with her, and that if there is a one is probably she.
Don't try to arrange a meeting in the party. But don't ignore her completely either. Treat her like an acquaintance. Be cordial. But keep the conversations short. Less than 5 minutes.
Thanks man! after party what plan do u recommend? try with a text next days or waiting some days, or just letting time go and continue with my life ?
Ur job is amazing!
Wait a week and then text.
Wait a week and then text.
Wait a week and then text.
Wait a week and then text.
Thanks man! after party what plan do u recommend? try with a text next days or waiting some days, or just letting time go and continue with my life ?
Ur job is amazing!
Thanks man! after party what plan do u recommend? try with a text next days or waiting some days, or just letting time go and continue with my life ?
Ur job is amazing!
Don't try to arrange a meeting in the party. But don't ignore her completely either. Treat her like an acquaintance. Be cordial. But keep the conversations short. Less than 5 minutes.
Together for 5 years broke up a year ago. We have talk basically everyday since he has had another girlfriend that he had broken up with because he said he still thought of me. He now says he is not right within himself and has to work on him first, will the no contact rule after a year still work
If you've been in contact, then yes it will work.
If you've been in contact, then yes it will work.
Kevin,
My ex and I dated for a year and 10 months, we are both 20. Today would be our two years but he broke up me two months ago. I am eight months pregnant now with his child. I did everything you said not to do in the first month we were apart. He has ignored me and shut me out for the most part. He said right after we broke up that he would go to doctor appointments and do everything he could to be there for his daughter, but has since missed 3 appointments. I am trying no contact now for the past 2 weeks. I have realized my mistakes and am a much happier person already. I have dealt with depression for the past 5 years and think I am finally overcoming it because of this. This weekend I have 2 prenatal classes that I had signed up for with my ex. They should help us deal with being parents, but because of our situation now I'm not sure if I should ask him to go with me or let him wonder why I am not contacting him anymore. I don't want to do anything to ruin our chances for getting back together. I feel like he will see it as me trying to back him into a corner. If I do continue no contact for the next 2 weeks though I'm not sure if he will feel left out by me not telling him about the classes even though he hasn't said anything about them now. I fully believe that during my no contact he will not try to contact me and keep trying to move on himself. Even when I was depressed and needy and asked if he thought we would get back together he could only tell me that he didn't know. I don't know if this was him just letting me down easy or if he really is unsure. I know if I had told someone I wasn't in love with them anymore like he did my answer would have been no. Thank you for all your advice and listening to my story.
Hey Salena,
If he knows about the classes already, you don't need to remind him. It's his kid as well, and if he's interested in helping you with the child, he will show up for the classes. Even if he doesn't you shouldn't try to contact him using the child as an excuse. If he's interested, let him contact you and you should reply to him. I hope things work out for you and you two do get back together. However, I'll recommend you be prepared for worst as there is always a chance that he will never come back.
So my ex went to the classes with me 2 weeks ago. I thought it went pretty well but I felt it was a little awkward. Other than that I have contacted him twice, once to tell him I went to the hospital for preterm labor (I'm still pregnant though) and the second to ask if he was going to the dr appointment with me since he acted like he wanted to go when I saw him. He did reply either time. Not counting those tomorrow would be the end of my 30 days no contact. I was wondering if I could go ahead and try texting him or if I should wait until I have my baby to text him since I did technically contact him during that time period. I'm due in 2 weeks but it could happen any time now. I'd like for us to be friends before she comes but I don't want to push him.
You can contact him right now, if he is cold, then back off and wait till after the delivery. All the best. And congratulation. :)
Thank you so very much for your advice, it worked. I gave my ex a letter apologizing for everything and saying that I was happy and moving on. He txted me that night saying he was sorry for avoiding me and ignoring me he was mad because he thought I was going to try and keep him from our kid, but he also wanted me to know that he was talking to somebody. Everything I've read says to do NC when your ex is in a rebound relationship, but I don't know if this counts. A mutual friend of ours doesn't think she'll date him because he's about to have a kid. We texted for a couple hours that night and he seemed to be ok with talking to me. I did everything I was supposed to do during NC but I'm worried that because I'm pregnant with his kid he thinks that he can have me anytime and is free to do what he wants and I'll just be waiting. How do I show him that I'm better and moving on besides starting another relationship? And should I keep texting him trying to rebuild the attraction or wait since he's already got a girl? Within the next two weeks I'm going to have this kid and he says he's going to be around and I have no idea how I should handle that.
Hey Salena,
You can start going on dates once you are ready after the delivery. It's not the same as starting a relationship (and you shouldn't start a relationship until you are over him) but it does send a pretty strong message. Till the time you are ready to date, just be confident and try to enjoy your life.
Hey Salena,
You can start going on dates once you are ready after the delivery. It's not the same as starting a relationship (and you shouldn't start a relationship until you are over him) but it does send a pretty strong message. Till the time you are ready to date, just be confident and try to enjoy your life.
Hey Salena,
You can start going on dates once you are ready after the delivery. It's not the same as starting a relationship (and you shouldn't start a relationship until you are over him) but it does send a pretty strong message. Till the time you are ready to date, just be confident and try to enjoy your life.
Hey Salena,
You can start going on dates once you are ready after the delivery. It's not the same as starting a relationship (and you shouldn't start a relationship until you are over him) but it does send a pretty strong message. Till the time you are ready to date, just be confident and try to enjoy your life.
Hey Salena,
You can start going on dates once you are ready after the delivery. It's not the same as starting a relationship (and you shouldn't start a relationship until you are over him) but it does send a pretty strong message. Till the time you are ready to date, just be confident and try to enjoy your life.
Hey Salena,
You can start going on dates once you are ready after the delivery. It's not the same as starting a relationship (and you shouldn't start a relationship until you are over him) but it does send a pretty strong message. Till the time you are ready to date, just be confident and try to enjoy your life.
Thank you so very much for your advice, it worked. I gave my ex a letter apologizing for everything and saying that I was happy and moving on. He txted me that night saying he was sorry for avoiding me and ignoring me he was mad because he thought I was going to try and keep him from our kid, but he also wanted me to know that he was talking to somebody. Everything I've read says to do NC when your ex is in a rebound relationship, but I don't know if this counts. A mutual friend of ours doesn't think she'll date him because he's about to have a kid. We texted for a couple hours that night and he seemed to be ok with talking to me. I did everything I was supposed to do during NC but I'm worried that because I'm pregnant with his kid he thinks that he can have me anytime and is free to do what he wants and I'll just be waiting. How do I show him that I'm better and moving on besides starting another relationship? And should I keep texting him trying to rebuild the attraction or wait since he's already got a girl? Within the next two weeks I'm going to have this kid and he says he's going to be around and I have no idea how I should handle that.
Thank you so very much for your advice, it worked. I gave my ex a letter apologizing for everything and saying that I was happy and moving on. He txted me that night saying he was sorry for avoiding me and ignoring me he was mad because he thought I was going to try and keep him from our kid, but he also wanted me to know that he was talking to somebody. Everything I've read says to do NC when your ex is in a rebound relationship, but I don't know if this counts. A mutual friend of ours doesn't think she'll date him because he's about to have a kid. We texted for a couple hours that night and he seemed to be ok with talking to me. I did everything I was supposed to do during NC but I'm worried that because I'm pregnant with his kid he thinks that he can have me anytime and is free to do what he wants and I'll just be waiting. How do I show him that I'm better and moving on besides starting another relationship? And should I keep texting him trying to rebuild the attraction or wait since he's already got a girl? Within the next two weeks I'm going to have this kid and he says he's going to be around and I have no idea how I should handle that.
Thank you so very much for your advice, it worked. I gave my ex a letter apologizing for everything and saying that I was happy and moving on. He txted me that night saying he was sorry for avoiding me and ignoring me he was mad because he thought I was going to try and keep him from our kid, but he also wanted me to know that he was talking to somebody. Everything I've read says to do NC when your ex is in a rebound relationship, but I don't know if this counts. A mutual friend of ours doesn't think she'll date him because he's about to have a kid. We texted for a couple hours that night and he seemed to be ok with talking to me. I did everything I was supposed to do during NC but I'm worried that because I'm pregnant with his kid he thinks that he can have me anytime and is free to do what he wants and I'll just be waiting. How do I show him that I'm better and moving on besides starting another relationship? And should I keep texting him trying to rebuild the attraction or wait since he's already got a girl? Within the next two weeks I'm going to have this kid and he says he's going to be around and I have no idea how I should handle that.
Thank you so very much for your advice, it worked. I gave my ex a letter apologizing for everything and saying that I was happy and moving on. He txted me that night saying he was sorry for avoiding me and ignoring me he was mad because he thought I was going to try and keep him from our kid, but he also wanted me to know that he was talking to somebody. Everything I've read says to do NC when your ex is in a rebound relationship, but I don't know if this counts. A mutual friend of ours doesn't think she'll date him because he's about to have a kid. We texted for a couple hours that night and he seemed to be ok with talking to me. I did everything I was supposed to do during NC but I'm worried that because I'm pregnant with his kid he thinks that he can have me anytime and is free to do what he wants and I'll just be waiting. How do I show him that I'm better and moving on besides starting another relationship? And should I keep texting him trying to rebuild the attraction or wait since he's already got a girl? Within the next two weeks I'm going to have this kid and he says he's going to be around and I have no idea how I should handle that.
You can contact him right now, if he is cold, then back off and wait till after the delivery. All the best. And congratulation. :)
You can contact him right now, if he is cold, then back off and wait till after the delivery. All the best. And congratulation. :)
You can contact him right now, if he is cold, then back off and wait till after the delivery. All the best. And congratulation. :)
So my ex went to the classes with me 2 weeks ago. I thought it went pretty well but I felt it was a little awkward. Other than that I have contacted him twice, once to tell him I went to the hospital for preterm labor (I'm still pregnant though) and the second to ask if he was going to the dr appointment with me since he acted like he wanted to go when I saw him. He did reply either time. Not counting those tomorrow would be the end of my 30 days no contact. I was wondering if I could go ahead and try texting him or if I should wait until I have my baby to text him since I did technically contact him during that time period. I'm due in 2 weeks but it could happen any time now. I'd like for us to be friends before she comes but I don't want to push him.
So my ex went to the classes with me 2 weeks ago. I thought it went pretty well but I felt it was a little awkward. Other than that I have contacted him twice, once to tell him I went to the hospital for preterm labor (I'm still pregnant though) and the second to ask if he was going to the dr appointment with me since he acted like he wanted to go when I saw him. He did reply either time. Not counting those tomorrow would be the end of my 30 days no contact. I was wondering if I could go ahead and try texting him or if I should wait until I have my baby to text him since I did technically contact him during that time period. I'm due in 2 weeks but it could happen any time now. I'd like for us to be friends before she comes but I don't want to push him.
Hey Salena,
If he knows about the classes already, you don't need to remind him. It's his kid as well, and if he's interested in helping you with the child, he will show up for the classes. Even if he doesn't you shouldn't try to contact him using the child as an excuse. If he's interested, let him contact you and you should reply to him. I hope things work out for you and you two do get back together. However, I'll recommend you be prepared for worst as there is always a chance that he will never come back.
Dear Kev,
I just received a text from my ex.I ve been on NC for exactly 3 weeks since we last spoke. He owes me some money and he asked my bank details last week and I never replied him. But I told my sister to send him the details. He has texted me today saying he needs to talk to me cz he wants to know the exact amount. But when I rang him when I got to know he is in the town , he didn't answer my call but has asked my sister to tell me not to contact him again ( This was about 3 weeks ago) . He obviously didn't even wait until he got here so we could discuss things and sort something out but found a 19 year old air hostess on facebook. He didn't even respect the relationship we had for almost 5 years. Its been 5 months since he confessed he cheated on me and he has been dating for 3 months. I deactivated my fb , turned off the online status on viber and for my surprise he has unblocked me on whatsapp recently. I turned off my last seen status over there too. I don't know why he is doing all that ! Please tell me what to do! if I talk to him it will feel like we are on a financial conference where I will have to say the amounts I have given him. I feel so cheap to sound like we are talking on business.I read the msg and switched off my phone now. What should I do ? I cant sound harsh to him cz I still love him dearly and miss him all the time. He was a part of our family and I miss him when we go on family trips and dinners. Pls Kev, tell me a good way to sort out this situation. Thank you so much . I owe u big! hugs!!
Gina
Hi,
My ex and I had been together for 9months we recently broke up 5days ago. He broke up with me because he over heard a conversation between me & my cousin she asked me was I going to wear the promise ring the night we going to go out to a night club and I said I don't know I might take it off. I only said it because my feelings were hurt. The reason why my feelings were hurt is because I went through his phone and seen he had been texting this girl telling her he was going to be in town for Easter & they should hang out. He asked if she lived alone asked her to send a pic to save to his contact and last he asked if she had a boyfriend. Seeing all that really hurt. When a week before we had an agreement that we wouldn't talk or txt other ppl. I seen the msgs between the two of them on Friday & he gave me the promise ring the day after. When he heard what I said he hung up the phone & called me back saying I'm a lost cause he never wants to see or hear from me again & told me to move out of his grandmothers house. I really love him & want him back in my life. I sent two msgs a day after he broke up with me now in doing the no contact rule. He's 20 & I'm 23 do you think we still have a chance?
Did you tell him your reason? If after hearing what you said, he is still like this, then you should really think hard before getting back with him. You do have a pretty good chance of getting him back. But I think your relationship has a lot of communication problems and you should work on that before getting back together.
Did you tell him your reason? If after hearing what you said, he is still like this, then you should really think hard before getting back with him. You do have a pretty good chance of getting him back. But I think your relationship has a lot of communication problems and you should work on that before getting back together.
Did you tell him your reason? If after hearing what you said, he is still like this, then you should really think hard before getting back with him. You do have a pretty good chance of getting him back. But I think your relationship has a lot of communication problems and you should work on that before getting back together.
Hey Gina,
Can't you just tell your sister to tell him the exact ammount? Or just message him or email him? There is no need to talk on the phone, in my opinion.
May be I should leave it for couple more days and send him a msg then!Will my silence make him think that I have forgotten him completely?
No it won't.
No it won't.
No it won't.
No it won't.
May be I should leave it for couple more days and send him a msg then!Will my silence make him think that I have forgotten him completely?
May be I should leave it for couple more days and send him a msg then!Will my silence make him think that I have forgotten him completely?
Hi,
My ex and I had been together for 9months we recently broke up 5days ago. He broke up with me because he over heard a conversation between me & my cousin she asked me was I going to wear the promise ring the night we going to go out to a night club and I said I don't know I might take it off. I only said it because my feelings were hurt. The reason why my feelings were hurt is because I went through his phone and seen he had been texting this girl telling her he was going to be in town for Easter & they should hang out. He asked if she lived alone asked her to send a pic to save to his contact and last he asked if she had a boyfriend. Seeing all that really hurt. When a week before we had an agreement that we wouldn't talk or txt other ppl. I seen the msgs between the two of them on Friday & he gave me the promise ring the day after. When he heard what I said he hung up the phone & called me back saying I'm a lost cause he never wants to see or hear from me again & told me to move out of his grandmothers house. I really love him & want him back in my life. I sent two msgs a day after he broke up with me now in doing the no contact rule. He's 20 & I'm 23 do you think we still have a chance?
Hey Gina,
Can't you just tell your sister to tell him the exact ammount? Or just message him or email him? There is no need to talk on the phone, in my opinion.
Hey Kevin
My girlfriend of three years broke up with two weeks ago.She said I was too controlling and possessive. In addition, she also said that she doesn't see herself going back in a relationship with me and she wants time to be herself. However she called me last week and said she still wants to be friends and I can talk to her even though we are not together. I told her I needed space and time for myself.On Sunday she texted me again telling me to enjoy my day( I didn't reply ). What are my chances of getting her back and how can I do it?
Pretty good chances. Follow the 5 steps.
Pretty good chances. Follow the 5 steps.
I lost my girlfriend of two years. I was and still am in love with her. I turned in to a bully, and, not physically, but mentally hurt her. I never wanted to be that guy. I told her once before it would never happen again, but my emotions for the best of me and I blew up again. This time I have changed, but two weeks later she is with a guy that she didn't like for a long time. I want her back. We give the same public bus to college, and so does that other guy. I want her back, and I want her to see the real me that she loved at first a long time ago. What do I do?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Kevin does this guy have a chance or not?
Yes, he does have a chance.
Yes, he does have a chance.
Yes, he does have a chance.
Yes, he does have a chance.
Kevin does this guy have a chance or not?
Kevin does this guy have a chance or not?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin
We have been together more than 12yrs and we ‘re both 24.We broke up twice during 12yrs. We are happy couple for 12yrs and he did really good for me. Now we are having a long distance relationship since last oct. After he moves to china, we have a lot of argument about nightlife. First two months we still had phone call every night. (before he move to china, we uses to talk every night) Two months later, he always disappears and start did not pick up his phone and reply msg.
When he came back, we had talked our situation. He said he would try to pick up his phone. In fact, he didn’t even get worst. And I made a mistake, when he disappears, I will try to call him until he answer.
Last holiday, I went to china to visit him, I found that he had brought two movie tickets on valentine day. I think that he might have a new gf. After that I ask him why, he said it could be brought for others, why u always think i got new gf. I asked him how could we still together? He said he could. After I back to my town two days, he disappeared again. I try to call him, after few calls, he turned off his phone. And we haven’t contacted others for four days. After that he msg me, babe, how are u? After one day I reply him “not bad”. In fact, I was a mess, total mess. Now we still have msg every day,reply faster than before but he never find me, he just reply me and he refuse to talk to me on phone.
Next week he will be back for 3 days, so what should I do? Should I meet him? Since we haven’t break up yet, should I start no contact rule? I really want to back to normal. I love him so so much.
I think you should break up with me. He clearly cheated on you and this LDR is clearly making you unhappy. A relationship is supposed to help you grow and make you happy. This relationship is just making you more and more miserable every day. It'll be better if you break up and try to move on. If in the future, you two cross paths again, perhaps you can get back together. But until then, both of you will be happier if you broke up.
Thank you for yr reply. Actually i knew this is the best solution for us. But I just can't let go. Could u advise me the breakup method? Should i talk to him in person or just disappear??
You should talk to him. It can be in person or over the phone. You should be honest about why you are breaking up and after that you should cut him off completely form your life.
You should talk to him. It can be in person or over the phone. You should be honest about why you are breaking up and after that you should cut him off completely form your life.
You should talk to him. It can be in person or over the phone. You should be honest about why you are breaking up and after that you should cut him off completely form your life.
You should talk to him. It can be in person or over the phone. You should be honest about why you are breaking up and after that you should cut him off completely form your life.
Thank you for yr reply. Actually i knew this is the best solution for us. But I just can't let go. Could u advise me the breakup method? Should i talk to him in person or just disappear??
Thank you for yr reply. Actually i knew this is the best solution for us. But I just can't let go. Could u advise me the breakup method? Should i talk to him in person or just disappear??
I think you should break up with me. He clearly cheated on you and this LDR is clearly making you unhappy. A relationship is supposed to help you grow and make you happy. This relationship is just making you more and more miserable every day. It'll be better if you break up and try to move on. If in the future, you two cross paths again, perhaps you can get back together. But until then, both of you will be happier if you broke up.
Hi Kevin,
So the point of no contact is to get your ex to miss you and think about you. What if she doesn't miss you? What if she's already talking to another guy and doesn't really miss me because that guy is getting her attention? What do I do if she doesn't miss me?
The point of no contact is not just that. Read the article. And even if there is some other guy, she is still going to miss you if you had a meaningful relationship with her. Like I said, rebound relationships don't last.
Like I saw her out with friends etc. and she hasn't really messaged me when we've been away, I've kinda got the feeling she likes being away from me and has gotten used to not talking to me. What should I do now? Please help me Kevin!
The point of no contact is not just that. Read the article. And even if there is some other guy, she is still going to miss you if you had a meaningful relationship with her. Like I said, rebound relationships don't last.
Like I saw her out with friends etc. and she hasn't really messaged me when we've been away, I've kinda got the feeling she likes being away from me and has gotten used to not talking to me. What should I do now? Please help me Kevin!
What about the issues that caused the break up in the first place? When is it safe to discuss them? My ex broke up with me because "his feelings for me have changed". It had been going downhill for a while. He is not trying to keep me out of his life. On the contrary. He wants to be "best friends" as this would mean keeping me around until he recuperates (ours has been a very intense and very close and intimate relationship for almost two years). So seeing him again won't be a problem. I know that I can be in his life again if I chose to (though I will choose to only if my needs are met as well as his proper girlfriend) but there have been very specific behaviors that really hurt and shook my trust in him. There was no infidelity or abuse involved just at the end there was no balance between us he demanded everything and gave nothing in return plus he made me feel very insecure by blowing hot and cold all the time but I was an idiot and I endured it until he told me he didn't love me any more. For example he broke up with me on a week when I was going through very serious medical tests (which thankfully came clear) and my father was in the hospital and that made me furious. When is a good time to let him know? Some of it he is of course aware of but some of it has probably not even occured to him. Should I just play it by ear and wait for him to bring the subject up? Right now I am working on releasing the negativity I was feeling about him for the past four months that led to the break up. It started going bad when his mom got diagnosed with cancer. I was trying to be the most supporting loving girlfriend ever as he sunk into depression but ended up a doormat. He wanted me to constantly give (support, practical help) but he gave nothing in return. In the end he wanted to continue being as close (possibly even having sex) but he downgraded me to " best friend". As a general rule I am never overly giving in relationships but watching him slip into depression like that made me eager to make it better for him. For most of the two years we had been seeing each other our relationship was mutually supportive and very happy and he was genuinely a good boyfriend. I have been NC for almost 3 weeks, successfully ignored his efforts to communicate with me. I even debated with myself whether I want him back or not. Unfortunately I do still love him. So the question is how do we approach past transgressions on their side without fighting and when is a good time to do it? Do you think this situation is hopeless? Thanks in advance.
A good time to do it is when he is open to the idea of getting back together or when he proposes reconciliation. You should be clear about your demands and expectations and you should not get back together unless you are sure things will be different this time.
A good time to do it is when he is open to the idea of getting back together or when he proposes reconciliation. You should be clear about your demands and expectations and you should not get back together unless you are sure things will be different this time.
Hey Kevin,
I broke up with my bfr 4 months ago, after we were together for 2 years and we really loved each other. Actually, we had a serious fight (over e girl that was hitting on him for months and obviously I felt jealous) and i left him, but we kept in touch and he said he was hurt and upset of me leaving him. So we did not meet for 2 weeks and when we met again to talk he wanted to break up because he did not see point in our relationship and I was making him cry. After this, he called me and texted me several times while drunk, and the next day was distant again. He just needed to share something important with me, because I was his closest person... Now, I know from mutual friends that my ex started sleeping with the same girl couple of days after our break up...and they are together most of the time (because they work together too).
So, we haven't spoken for 2 months now, I feel happier and try to keep on living, but I am not ready to move on and no guy interests me because I'm still in love with my ex.
What should I do in this case?
Thanks :)
If you are ready to move on, you should not look back. Look for resources on getting over an ex on the internet. You will eventually get over him and meet someone new you are interested in. Continue no contact indefinitely.
If you are ready to move on, you should not look back. Look for resources on getting over an ex on the internet. You will eventually get over him and meet someone new you are interested in. Continue no contact indefinitely.
Hey Kevin, I'm back with an update. After the kiss last week, I didn't really expect anything big to happen so soon after that and I thought my ex was gonna ignore me this week but he didn't. However he seems to be busy and when I asked him if he had plans after work on Monday, he said he had some running around to do. And lately when I text him, he's not really engaged, even though he does always reply; it's normally just him answering whatever question I had. I don't know how he went from flirting and kissing last Friday to being somewhat distant now. He's not ignoring me completely but I just wanna know if he really is just busy (I know that we can't really talk or act flirty at work because of so many people around in a hectic environment so I'm not complaining about that) or did that kiss last week have anything to do with how things are going now.
He is probably confused. It's a classic hot and cold behavior. It'll pass. Give him some space. I'd say about a week or two then ask him out again.
He is probably confused. It's a classic hot and cold behavior. It'll pass. Give him some space. I'd say about a week or two then ask him out again.
hello Kevin…
ive done my best to pursue NC and im currently at day29.. my exbf texted me twice..once on day 26 (sayin hello and how was i doin)and on day 27 (which was weird bcoz we ran into each other but he didnt see me SEE him) but he texted me (2nd time) that he saw me and textes to confirm if it was me.
i didnt reply at all.. coz im still in NC..and im scared if i ignore and he will think that ive moved on and he forgets me or if i reply even when NC is over..im givin my cards up too easy and too soon? and i think about the “what now” after ive replied… takin it he is extremely stubborn (it shows)..i didnt expext him to text the 2nd time after me not replyin 2 d 1st one.
im confused..with what if this is the sign NC has worked and im lettin the chance go, what if this is where it all begina again but how do i know he isnt just checkin if i still dig him or seein if i havnt changed
VS whay ppl say "men want what they cant have" or "men h8 bein ignored" all that is eatin me up into textin him..but if i do im scared "thats it so what now?" please tell me what to do...Appreciate any of ur advices.
Thank You so much. xx
Hey Daisy,
It's OK that you ignored his messages. Ignoring him a little bit is helpful in my experience. Get back in touch after a couple of days as mentioned in the article.
Hey Daisy,
It's OK that you ignored his messages. Ignoring him a little bit is helpful in my experience. Get back in touch after a couple of days as mentioned in the article.
Hello,
I had previously been with my ex for FOUR years but it was always on n off we'd be good for couple of months then break up over something stupid like he got mad i walked out on our fight (to avoid a bigger fight) or because i "snap" all the time ...which i dont i have completely changed not for him but for myself to be a better person rarely do i get mad at him n when i do he gets mad at me n blames everything on me n we break up(he bteaks up with me).....and as sick of it as i am i love him because when we're good we are sooo good better than I've ever been with anyone but when we're bad we're soo bad probably doesnt help that we're both scorpios n have a similar character. ..anyways i just want to know if this is going to work and help us STAY together. ..I've already messed up by calling/txting him trying to work things out after we'd already broken up...i did this for about 8 days n he just said no that i wasnt for him etc etc n that he loves me but knows we'll NEVER work...but in the past he's told me how we're made for each other etc etc...is there hope that we'll actually fix this n stay together this time or is it time i move on?
Hey Carly,
Whether or not it can work this time is for you to decide. That's why you should apply no contact for 30 days.
I'm 21 and my ex is 24 by the way.
Hey Carly,
Whether or not it can work this time is for you to decide. That's why you should apply no contact for 30 days.
I'm 21 and my ex is 24 by the way.
Hi Kevin,
I've been in a long distance relationship a bit more than a year. Everything were great and my ex treated me well. We see each other at least once a month. One day I missed him a lot and I threw a little tantrum saying things are getting tough whenever I miss you. Next day he decided to break up with me. I made a mistake by constantly texting and calling him. He said he still love me but can't be with me. He said the more we love each other, we would miss each other more and he don't want a girlfriend who lives 100s of miles away. I offer to relocate but he said I wouldn't enjoy the lifestyle there and I don't have much there. It seems like when things get serious; he don't want to commit. But previously he told me he might want to work abroad and said he could live with him. I took a flight to see him without telling him, he opened the door for me then kept saying we can't be together. He was crying but still being stubborn. After a while I got emotional and angry. The next day he wanted me out of the flat and wanted me to get in the car but I refused. He was chasing after me and said he still care about me. I was too angry at the time and I wanted time alone as I know he just don't want me to stay in his flat. Eventually he stopped chasing me then although he said he would speak to me, he didn't and we haven't spoke to each other for two weeks. And I still love him a lot...I try so hard to distract myself but deep down I still want him.
If after two more weeks, you still want him, get back in touch with him.
If after two more weeks, you still want him, get back in touch with him.
Hi Kevin,
Saw your post it was good to see this kind of post. I had a big problem in my life. Me and My girl friend were very close and used to share all information with me. But later on some third person became as her friend and she introduced him to me. Because of him we had fight several times but this it was huge one which was very harsh at this time he said he is loving her. I was totally shocked with his reaction and i abused my girl friend and slapped her out of my possessiveness. Now she even not responding to my messages and calls because of my harsh activity on that day. She even said to me that she is not loving me anymore and don't want to live like before we used to. She responds to call some times and saying don't call me many times when ever she wants to talk with me then only she is calling me. Can you help me what should i do to get her back in my life as before.. Please respond.
You should follow the plan Cherry. Make sure you send her the apology letter mentioned in the article.
Hi kevin,
Thanks for the reply. I did send an apology mail already but she is not at all convincing. She doesn't neither want to talk to me or to see me. She is hating me to the core level. Do you still want me to follow the same No Contact rule. I am doing the same for the past 1 week. But no luck as of now. Please let me know how to proceed. Shall i go to her?
Follow no contact for another 4 weeks before contacting her again.
Follow no contact for another 4 weeks before contacting her again.
Follow no contact for another 4 weeks before contacting her again.
Follow no contact for another 4 weeks before contacting her again.
Hi kevin,
Thanks for the reply. I did send an apology mail already but she is not at all convincing. She doesn't neither want to talk to me or to see me. She is hating me to the core level. Do you still want me to follow the same No Contact rule. I am doing the same for the past 1 week. But no luck as of now. Please let me know how to proceed. Shall i go to her?
Hi kevin,
Thanks for the reply. I did send an apology mail already but she is not at all convincing. She doesn't neither want to talk to me or to see me. She is hating me to the core level. Do you still want me to follow the same No Contact rule. I am doing the same for the past 1 week. But no luck as of now. Please let me know how to proceed. Shall i go to her?
You should follow the plan Cherry. Make sure you send her the apology letter mentioned in the article.
My name is Troy I'm 45 my ex she's 26. We had a falling out 7 weeks ago and within 3weeks of break up she started seeing someone else who turned out to be a tier 3 sex offender, she knows and still sees him. We talk but I noticed she doesn't call back when she says she will,but will text. We were in a relationship for 10 months. Should I not communicate any longer?
now I notice she doesn't return my calls like before but she wille communicate through text. We.
Yes, you should stop contact. That guy is probably a rebound and the relationship will not last long.
Yes, you should stop contact. That guy is probably a rebound and the relationship will not last long.
Hey Kevin-
My ex and I are in college. She broke up with me at the end of January claiming she wasn't happy for the last 3 months of our relationship (even though she said during that time frame she was, and that she loved me, and that she wanted our relationships to keep growing). She later claimed I was too controlling, possessive, and I made her unhappy. When in reality she comes from a rough domestic situation and lives a stressful life at school which is in part why I think she's unhappy. It was a really nasty breakup and I pursued her for most of the month of February when I shouldn't have. It got to a point where I said eff it and just let her be. She would text me like once a week saying dumb stuff, "can I bring your clothes back?" (even though she claimed to have gotten rid of them). "Are we not going to talk when we see each-other in person?" The last time we talked in person it had been about 3 weeks since we spoke in person. she texted me during those three weeks, but I didn't give her much to work with. Then, I texted her and said I wanted to chat in person sometime and she texted me back later that night wanting to talk right then and there, in my dorm room of all places, it was 2 AM. So I ended up talking to her at a neutral place and told her how i was feeling and told her how I've been better and what I've been doing. She still maintained that she didn't want to be with me, but she practically interrogated me after I said my part. Asking me things such as "hows your family, hows your dog, hows your sister, how're your parents, did you go out tonight, are you going to go out tonight, what've you done since we've been broken up that I'd be mad at had you done it while we were together?" The conversation ended up just running in circles. A couple of weeks later my birthday passed and she sent me a message late that night saying "happy birthday, please drive back to campus safely, i hope you had a great day" which struck me as odd because it had the same kind of undertone as a message she would send like when we were dating. I replied and said "thanks". Later that night (1 AM) she liked my photo on Instagram, but she doesn't even follow me. Then the next night she followed me on twitter. Kevin, what should I do? I think she wants to be together based off of her actions and how she looks at me in person when we talk, etc. But she just fights her feelings like crazy, and tries to convince herself otherwise. IDK. Right now I'm doing the NC, aside from saying thanks to the b-day text. Do ya think she'll wanna get back together? Is there anything else I should do? I have been going out a lot more, and having fun with friends, and hanging out with other females. I still know how I feel about my ex, but I don't know what more I can do.
Thanks!
Yes, I think she will want to get back together in the future. If you read the article, then you already know what to do. Just make sure when you get back in touch, you don't talk about getting back together and don't be needy in any way.
Yes, I think she will want to get back together in the future. If you read the article, then you already know what to do. Just make sure when you get back in touch, you don't talk about getting back together and don't be needy in any way.
My boyfriend of 3 months and I broke up because he said he couldn't handle my emotions anymore and also he said he doesn't see me in his life. A week before the break up he was just telling me he sees a future for us. I have been staying with No contact for almost 21 days but the problem is I still have a lot of my things at his place and I don't know what to do. Wait till no contact is over to get my things or do it now and maybe approach him after the 50 days I give myself and him??
IF you don't need the things immediately, then wait till no contact is over. If you need it, then you can get it back from him as long as you don't talk to him about any other topic.
IF you don't need the things immediately, then wait till no contact is over. If you need it, then you can get it back from him as long as you don't talk to him about any other topic.
What if I already, after the break-up , went all desperate texts/phone calls followed by 21 days NC..then 2 weeks of texts/phones then NC for 10 days? (I sounded needy, way too rollercoaster-y and sometimes angry and desperate BIG TIME)Would this possibly still work?
Yes, I think it'll still work. It's worth trying.
Yes, I think it'll still work. It's worth trying.
Kevin,
My SO broke up with me after 14 months. Our relationship was going really smooth, we moved in together 6 months ago, there is a really good connection and we truely made each other happy. I meet his parents a month ago and it went amazingly well. He was ecstatic and so was I. The month following he seemed disconnected, he still told me he loved me, we spent a lot of time together. We started planning a recurring date day to keep things fresh. Out of nowhere he broke up with me telling me he is confused, he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know what is out there. I found out he felt that we stopped growing when we moved in together and that spark was starting to disappear, and he felt "safe" with me. We never fought but we feel into routine. Before the parents trip he said he thought I was the one. Fast forward a week after I keep finding excuses to text him, just a couple things a day. We meet up to talk 2 days ago, but I realize now I need to apply NC ASAP. We left things open that both want to work at friends. He wanted me to keep the room and all the furniture and he would find another place...and all my stuff is there as I have been at a friends in the meantime. I realize I need , or he needs, to move ASAP. As far as social media goes, should I leave my FB and twitter up to let him see how I'm doing (better as I work on me...) or disconnect for a while? He's told our mutual friends to focus their energy on me and help me through this and has shut a lot of people out through the process. He worried about me as he knows I'm upset. At the same time I discovered from him that he's confused about feelings for another person, who he is now spending a lot of time with. I have confirmed he hasn't cheated and part of the break up is he felt he couldn't truly be mine while having second thoughts. It seems like a rebound as they are exactly the opposite of his type, and myself, and he was having a hard time with it leading up to our break up(which I think was the trigger). Do I have a good handle on the situation. How should I handle the move, obviously wanting NC to start ASAP.
Discuss with him about the move. And keep the conversation just about that. As for social media, it's up to you. IF you think you can stay on facebook without obsessing over his profile, then let him be, if not, disconnect from him.
Discuss with him about the move. And keep the conversation just about that. As for social media, it's up to you. IF you think you can stay on facebook without obsessing over his profile, then let him be, if not, disconnect from him.
Hi Kevin.
So I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. It's been a really great relationship, we have a fun friendship and are very goofy together. But somewhere along the line, times got tough. We argued a lot over little things. I would try to talk about things on how we can better handle our disagreements, and it never went anywhere. He would anger easily and want me to be quiet. He would either storm off or hang up the phone. I wanted it to be so good so badly. After a while he just didn't want to hear anything. He lost all patience for everything. I think that we just needed to go about our communication in a different way. Things that shouldn't be arguments turned into heated arguments. So a couple weeks ago he just about had it. He was ready to break up. He came over my house, we talked it out, I couldn't sway his mind. I accepted it. He was about to walk out the door, but he stopped himself. He didn't want it to end, he still loved me and cared about me. We gave it another shot. It was going okay, but a few times he would get short with me. It was like walking on eggshells with him. So a couple days ago, he was busy with my grandmothers neighbor doing her yard work. I didn't hear from him all morning till after school that day (2:30). I was a little upset that he couldn't find at least a second to shoot a Hello to me. But I still understood he was busy. So he comes over my house, he's fine. I asked him, "Hey I haven't heard from you all day, what's up?" And he answered, "I was busy". That just pushed my buttons and I lost myself... My emotions got the best of me. I kept going on and on about why he couldn't have just said a small Hi, blah blah.. And I regret it very much. It was stupid of me. I shouldn't have gotten as mad as I did, I shouldn't have said what I said. I tried to explain that to him while he was still there... But it was already too late. He was livid, he stormed out the house.. We were pretty much completely done right then and there. Luckily... My mother bumped into him at his work. She talked to him and was able to calm him down, told him not to make any decisions under all the anger he was feeling. So it's a couple days later now. My mom lets me know he got in contact with her. He said that he doesn't want to work anything out and he's done his thinking.. He came over earlier today to talk about this. I suggested something that could help us. I suggested we take a whole month to ourselves to get rid of any stress, work on anything for ourselves, then we'd get together after. He wasn't willing to do any of that, he didn't agree with my thought. I didn't beg..I accepted it.. I told him I still wanted to be friends, and he wanted that too and that made him happy. So we decided- we'll take a month to ourselves for space and time, and then we'll talk and be friends. We'll still see each other. He did say that he sees a chance in the future for us and I say the same.. But now my question for you Kevin is.. Do you think that our friendship can spark something up again? What are some things that I can do? Please help me. I love this guy so much and he means the world to me, and our relationship is so important to me.
Hey Ophelia,
Yes, it can. You should make a lot of positive changes during this month and work on your issues. For example, learn to handle your emotions in a better way so you don't blow up over small things like you did in the past.
Thank you.. By the way, is there a couple small things I can say at some point? I want to be able to say some things without it screaming "I want you back now!" I want to respect the space we're giving each other, but at the same time I want to be able to indirectly say some things that would get him thinking and realize.. 'Wow I really love her! I want to be with her again'
I read your whole guide and I just want to make sure I say the right things at the right time.
Hey Ophelia,
The messages mentioned in the plan are meant exactly for that purpose. Even though, they will not suddenly make him realize he wants you back, but they will slowly push him in that direction. And when you meet him, and he sees the changes in you, he will hopefully start thinking that.
Hi Kevin,
Alright thank you again. One more thing, not to bug you haha,, but since Easter is coming up I was thinking I'd get a small basket of candy and a simple card that says 'Happy Easter' Leave it on his front doorstep to find. Nothing over the top just a small gift. Is this okay to do? Or will it put me in a position that I look needy or something? I know it's a silly question.
I'll advise against it. It'll make you look needy.
I'll advise against it. It'll make you look needy.
I'll advise against it. It'll make you look needy.
I'll advise against it. It'll make you look needy.
I'll advise against it. It'll make you look needy.
I'll advise against it. It'll make you look needy.
Hi Kevin,
Alright thank you again. One more thing, not to bug you haha,, but since Easter is coming up I was thinking I'd get a small basket of candy and a simple card that says 'Happy Easter' Leave it on his front doorstep to find. Nothing over the top just a small gift. Is this okay to do? Or will it put me in a position that I look needy or something? I know it's a silly question.
Hi Kevin,
Alright thank you again. One more thing, not to bug you haha,, but since Easter is coming up I was thinking I'd get a small basket of candy and a simple card that says 'Happy Easter' Leave it on his front doorstep to find. Nothing over the top just a small gift. Is this okay to do? Or will it put me in a position that I look needy or something? I know it's a silly question.
Hi Kevin,
Alright thank you again. One more thing, not to bug you haha,, but since Easter is coming up I was thinking I'd get a small basket of candy and a simple card that says 'Happy Easter' Leave it on his front doorstep to find. Nothing over the top just a small gift. Is this okay to do? Or will it put me in a position that I look needy or something? I know it's a silly question.
Hi Kevin,
Alright thank you again. One more thing, not to bug you haha,, but since Easter is coming up I was thinking I'd get a small basket of candy and a simple card that says 'Happy Easter' Leave it on his front doorstep to find. Nothing over the top just a small gift. Is this okay to do? Or will it put me in a position that I look needy or something? I know it's a silly question.
Hey Ophelia,
The messages mentioned in the plan are meant exactly for that purpose. Even though, they will not suddenly make him realize he wants you back, but they will slowly push him in that direction. And when you meet him, and he sees the changes in you, he will hopefully start thinking that.
Hey Ophelia,
The messages mentioned in the plan are meant exactly for that purpose. Even though, they will not suddenly make him realize he wants you back, but they will slowly push him in that direction. And when you meet him, and he sees the changes in you, he will hopefully start thinking that.
Hey Ophelia,
The messages mentioned in the plan are meant exactly for that purpose. Even though, they will not suddenly make him realize he wants you back, but they will slowly push him in that direction. And when you meet him, and he sees the changes in you, he will hopefully start thinking that.
Thank you.. By the way, is there a couple small things I can say at some point? I want to be able to say some things without it screaming "I want you back now!" I want to respect the space we're giving each other, but at the same time I want to be able to indirectly say some things that would get him thinking and realize.. 'Wow I really love her! I want to be with her again'
I read your whole guide and I just want to make sure I say the right things at the right time.
Thank you.. By the way, is there a couple small things I can say at some point? I want to be able to say some things without it screaming "I want you back now!" I want to respect the space we're giving each other, but at the same time I want to be able to indirectly say some things that would get him thinking and realize.. 'Wow I really love her! I want to be with her again'
I read your whole guide and I just want to make sure I say the right things at the right time.
Hey Ophelia,
Yes, it can. You should make a lot of positive changes during this month and work on your issues. For example, learn to handle your emotions in a better way so you don't blow up over small things like you did in the past.
My boyfriend broke up with me in December, together for three years. We talked on a regular, friendly basis and he would flirt and hint at getting back together. He shortly got a girlfriend after and told me he didn't want to talk to me. I started NC in mid February and in March he texted me asking me how I was doing and I gave a curt "fine". April was his bday (which I ignored) and my bday came a week later, where he wished me happy bday.
Anyways, yesterday I found some watches that he left behind. I texted asking him if he wanted to get them or if I should sell. He wants the watches, but ignores me when I ask when I can drop them off and get some of my stuff (money) He did however, send me a text that was meant for his girlfriend today.
Is it best to resume NC? I don't understand if he wants his stuff back why wouldn't he just come and take it.
Yes, resume no contact. If he wants it, he can contact you.
My Advise,
I had a ex leave her stuff at my house for a good 9 months. Said she would come and get it she texted me randomly on and off. Finally after dating someone else I told her I was throwing it to the curb and did it. She was pissed but guess what I felt better.
My advice Don't BS around. I know your being nice but the next text should be come get it by this time and then commit to getting rid of it. If he didn't show. It's his loss.
Unfortunately people take advantage of kind people. Stop being nice he isn't being nice to you. Then resume no contact.
Yes, resume no contact. If he wants it, he can contact you.
My Advise,
I had a ex leave her stuff at my house for a good 9 months. Said she would come and get it she texted me randomly on and off. Finally after dating someone else I told her I was throwing it to the curb and did it. She was pissed but guess what I felt better.
My advice Don't BS around. I know your being nice but the next text should be come get it by this time and then commit to getting rid of it. If he didn't show. It's his loss.
Unfortunately people take advantage of kind people. Stop being nice he isn't being nice to you. Then resume no contact.
Hi Kevin, he broke up with me after 6 months because he 'wasn't that into it'. He is searching for a deep love- and was hoping to find it with me but hasn't. He said he loves me- but isn't in love with me, and he wishes that he felt so strongly about me but doesn't. I am madly in love with him. Is there any chance at all of not only getting him back- but getting him to develop these feelings?
If you get him back, he will develop those feelings. Your best bet is to follow the 5 step plan. Make some positive changes in your life during no contact.
If you get him back, he will develop those feelings. Your best bet is to follow the 5 step plan. Make some positive changes in your life during no contact.
Hi Kevin,
Great series of articles that you put together. I have a bit of a sticky situation that goes beyond the scope of the article and was hoping that you may be able to give me some advice. I (23) started dating my ex (25) last November, which was two months after she broke off a four year engagement. Before dating her, I made sure that she felt comfortable seeing someone new and did not have any major residual feelings from her past relationship. We clicked instantly and spent quite a bit of our time together for the next following months. In early January, she began to act distant and ultimately ended up saying that the ex fiance was talking to her again, and she was going through some life problems that she thinks she should see through on her own. We broke up rather ungracefully and tried to talk through things the next day, but never made any real progress. We texted each other a handful of times the next week, but never met. About a week after the breakup, we met and decided to talk through things. During this conversation, she stated that something didn't feel quite right about us, and we never clicked at the same level as her and the ex-fiance did. We tried being friends, but soon fell into the same patterns as before and were doing everything that we were doing before save the relationship itself. During this time, she found out some unsettling news about the ex-fiance and decided to close that door in her life. We agreed to take things day-by day from there on and see where things went with no promises of getting back together or not. During this time, she became increasingly agitated at miniscule things, and often seemed uneasy when we were together. Eventually, she said that she just wanted a friendship out of us, but felt as though I could not give that. I tried my best to reason through this, but was ultimately shut out. I received a text the next day from her saying she felt bad how our conversation went, and hoped that we could be friends after some time has elapsed by (No Contact?). This was close to three months ago, and I still have yet to hear from her. A mutual friend told me recently that my ex was asking about me, and whether it was safe to talk to me or not. Since I have heard this, I feel as though it may only be a matter of time before she contacts me again, if she decides to. Although I read our relationship as a potential rebound on her part, I feel as though it's merits heavily outweighed it's defects. Since we have stopped talking, I have picked up several new hobbies and have learned how to keep myself happy. I would like to follow through with the five step plan, but don't know if the situation is different here considering that this may be a rebound? Is there a still some hope to fix things, or would I just be opening a can of worms by talking to her again?
Any advice would be appreciated.
I think there's hope considering she has closed the doors on her ex for good this time. If she contacts you, you should respond. But take things slowly and don't pressure her into getting back together.
I think there's hope considering she has closed the doors on her ex for good this time. If she contacts you, you should respond. But take things slowly and don't pressure her into getting back together.
Hey Kevin. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. During this time, we've not argued but twice. One wasn't too serious but the other was more intense. We talked it out both times. We are both good with compromise and doing what we can to make the other happy. I think This is also where I need to insert that he is divorced. It's been just at a year since the divorce was final. We did not meet until a few months after and they had been separated for some months before. (She was the one who wanted the divorce, and she also got married in march and found out last week she is pregnant). Last week he found out his dad has 2 types of cancer, one is in stage 4 and the other is advanced. I slowly started feeling disconnected to him, and we talked about it the other day and he said with what is going on with his family, his school and his work, he feels like he just needs to be alone right now. He said he doesn't know how long he needs, so he felt we needed to break up. That's it. Friday he tells me how much I mean to him, how he's in love with me and loves me wholeheartedly, then Monday tells me he needs space. I know I'm still in the first stage of a breakup. I think I've kept my whits about me though. We texted minimally yesterday, and I texted him once today. Not pouring out my soul, just telling him I hope he finds what he needs. I know he needs his space, dealing with so many things going on right now. Is there a time limit on how much space to give him? How will I know? How likely is the plan to work for us? I think I've given all the necessary details.
I think it all depends on how well he handles all the things going on in his life. I think you should give him at least two months. If he contacts you, don't ignore him. Let him know you need space and time and you think it's better for him as well.
I think it all depends on how well he handles all the things going on in his life. I think you should give him at least two months. If he contacts you, don't ignore him. Let him know you need space and time and you think it's better for him as well.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend broke up with me after a year & a half almost 4 weeks ago now. The week prior we were still saying I love you and had purchased a travel package for 3 years then out of the blue he brings my stuff over saying we should break up. I contacted him once that weekend to talk and we met to discuss what happened. I asked for a second chance and he said with teary eyes that this was the hardest decision he's ever had to make and that he loves me but he has a gut feeling something isn't right and he can't give me another chance. We haven't talked in 22 days. All our pictures are still on his Facebook and he hasn't defriended me. Do you think I have a chance of getting him back?? If so, should I ignore Easter this Sunday and not text him? This will be the first holiday I won't spend with his family. Can I text him "Hope you have a Happy Easter with your family. I really enjoyed being a part of it last year. Please tell your parents Happy Easter for me. Hope you're doing well"?
I don't see any harm with that text since you're already 22 days no contact.
I don't see any harm with that text since you're already 22 days no contact.
Me&my ex were together for 8 years with two kids. I cheated on him 2-3 years ago&he recently found out of September 18th 2013 so he broke up with me&i apologized to him every single day have him comfort but all he did was ignored me. So finally I decided to leave then two days later he came back to begged me plead me everything but I liked someone else. But this guy was a rebound because he helped me stop thinking about me&my ex whenever I was with him. Well my ex kept begging me but I would just ignore him&he would text me nonstop call me nonstop. This was going on for about 3 months so I decided to finally give in&give him another chance. So we were working things out and all but then he starts talking to his co worker&now they are in a relationship. I kept crying begging everything that he did when I left him. So now I am stuck. I let it interfere with my work life. I was depressed couldn't eat nothing. We still see eachother but lately I've calm down from crying and all of that.
Hey,
You need to follow the 5 step plan. He is also probably in a rebound relationship right now.
Hey,
You need to follow the 5 step plan. He is also probably in a rebound relationship right now.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex girlfriend were dating for 6 years before she broke up with me 2 weeks ago because of parents putting too much pressure on her. I'm 25 years old and she is 24. I immediately applied the no contact rule and she tried contacting me asking me how I am but I did not reply, but during this two weeks I found out that 3 days after the break up she started talking to an old friend from her country. We had many arguments about him and she used too say that she hasn't seen him in 5 years but I found out it wasn't true as she went out with him several times while on vocation last year. Also when she broke up with me she told me her father bought her a one way ticket to her country and I found out that wasn't true either and that she bought the ticket her self a week earlier. She doesn't know that I know all of this. Yesterday she tried contacting me several times again and I didn't reply. Should I answer or even tell her that I know all of this? I want her back and don't know how to proceed and would like your help. Thank You
Hey Jake,
If you have been in no contact since the breakup, how do you know all these things? If you've been keeping tabs on her (via mutual friends or checking her emails or facebook), then you are not really following the no contact rule. And if you found out all these things after the breakup, then you should not tell her you know all this. She will sort of freak out when she finds out that you have been investigating her and it'll make you look creepy.
Hey Jake,
If you have been in no contact since the breakup, how do you know all these things? If you've been keeping tabs on her (via mutual friends or checking her emails or facebook), then you are not really following the no contact rule. And if you found out all these things after the breakup, then you should not tell her you know all this. She will sort of freak out when she finds out that you have been investigating her and it'll make you look creepy.
I broke up with my exgirl friend coz she told me she needed a space and she did not tell me reason ever since we never talked beside see her at work the thing is i want her back coz i feel i love her what should i do
Hi Kevin,
I need some advice. My girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago because she wasn't sure how she was feeling and didn't know if she wanted a serious relationship or not. The next day she texted me how her heart is broke and she doesn't know what to do because she's torn. I texted her back a cpl of times saying I need to move on if that's the decision u make. She texted me the next day asking how my day was going and I didn't respond. Then the next day she texted me asking why I am ignoring her calls and texts and that I should not just disregard her. I didn't respond and later that night she texted me again asking if we are really done cuz she thought we were in limbo still and then called me two times. I still have yet to text or call her back. Can u please give me some advice as to what I should do in this situation
Talk to her. Ask her if she really wants to breakup. If she says yes or "she is not sure", tell her that you need some space and time right now and start no contact.
Talk to her. Ask her if she really wants to breakup. If she says yes or "she is not sure", tell her that you need some space and time right now and start no contact.
Kevin
My live in girlfriend of 3 years has moved out due to her daughters hatred toward me and because of lifestyle difference. She and her children are untidy where as im not and the stress of my expectations on her to help 50/50 with house work was too great ..before moving out she agreed to continue relationship living apart but within a week broke up after...she said she didn't miss me as much as she thought she would and felt less stress in her home where untidiness is not an isdue..saying she no longer loves me and hadnt for a while prior to moving out.
I applied the no contact rule 3 weeks now and there has been no contact .
I love her dearly and since I happy to do 100% of the house work as I was doing it anyway id like to win her back living apart till daughter leaves home..
Is there hope ?
Daughter is 17 mum 44 & im 49
Hey David,
After reading your comment here, I think there are other issues and incompatibilities between you two aside from the daughter. You should continue no contact for another 3-4 weeks before getting back in touch with her. I think you'll realize that you two are not compatible for a long and healthy relationship by that time.
Hey David,
After reading your comment here, I think there are other issues and incompatibilities between you two aside from the daughter. You should continue no contact for another 3-4 weeks before getting back in touch with her. I think you'll realize that you two are not compatible for a long and healthy relationship by that time.
Hi Kevin,
So I was with my fiance for 3 years, we were in so much love. Along the way she did find some messages from other girls in my phone which gave her trust issues with me but she stayed by mysids. We have been having family issues, my family, mainly my mother and sister, my sister always needs to be queen B in all situations, always looked down on my fiance so they were always hot and cold. At the end of the relationship my brother inlaw broke up with my sister, my brother inlaw is my ex fiance'c boss. My sister moved back to our family house in another city but myself and my ex fiance stayed up where we all lived, next door to my ex brother inlay. This was hard due to he said she said going back and forth from my sister and her ex... Having my ex fiance working under my ex brother inlaw this caused a lot of hostility between me, my family, my ex's family.
We went to thailand for a wedding, I found messages from a guy that my ex fiance works with, he also has / had a gf. they started to message each other more and more..I asked her about it and she said they are new in town and dont know anyone..which i thought was a little weird but ok.. We came back from our holiday, everything was good, we were working things out, her mother than put a post on facebook saying that my ex shouldnt move back to our home city, stay where she is, she should let idiots (my family) bring her down..My family seen this on facebook and said to me they want nothing to do with the family..I couldn't control this so she said to me " I need time and space ". Since then I didnt do the no contact, I messaged, texted and called..emailing pics of us saying I love her and I want her back! After the first couple of days of me moving back to my home city, she did message me a few pics our her and our dog saying " your girls for ever " etc and that she couldnt deal with it all and she misses me..It's been 2 weeks now and she hasnt really contacted me unless its about the house that we just moved out of or sending my belongings back home. I have done a little bit of no contact, I havent said anything about our relationship to her, just working out finances.
I'm sitting here thinking that she may be well and truely over me? Has she started to see this new guy? I mean, she hasnt once called or text in 2 weeks to see if I'm ok? Do you think shes under pressure from her family not to see me due to my family? I'm really lost! She did say when we broke up that I'm the only guy in her life and she wants to marry me but she hasnt said anything about that for 2 weeks..
What are your thoughts?
Hey Jay,
I think the other guy is probably a rebound. However, there is a chance due to family pressure that relationship might last longer than most rebounds. I think you should continue the plan and she is definitely not over you right now. I'll recommend you keep no contact for 2 months.
Hi Kevin,
She called me this morning for a little chat and to talk about the removal trucks, but the main part is she actually chatted to me which she hasnt done since we broke up. Usually I'm the one calling her. She said that she was going out to dinner with people from work which sounds a bit shady but I might be over thinking.. I can't start no contact yet, we have to sort out finle bills on the house so that could take a week or 2..Once that is over I'll start the no contact and see where that gets me.
Hi Kevin,
She called me this morning for a little chat and to talk about the removal trucks, but the main part is she actually chatted to me which she hasnt done since we broke up. Usually I'm the one calling her. She said that she was going out to dinner with people from work which sounds a bit shady but I might be over thinking.. I can't start no contact yet, we have to sort out finle bills on the house so that could take a week or 2..Once that is over I'll start the no contact and see where that gets me.
Hi Kevin,
She called me this morning for a little chat and to talk about the removal trucks, but the main part is she actually chatted to me which she hasnt done since we broke up. Usually I'm the one calling her. She said that she was going out to dinner with people from work which sounds a bit shady but I might be over thinking.. I can't start no contact yet, we have to sort out finle bills on the house so that could take a week or 2..Once that is over I'll start the no contact and see where that gets me.
Hey Jay,
I think the other guy is probably a rebound. However, there is a chance due to family pressure that relationship might last longer than most rebounds. I think you should continue the plan and she is definitely not over you right now. I'll recommend you keep no contact for 2 months.
Hi Kevin
Im a 48 yr old male and have in the last 3 weeks broken up with my live in girlfriend of 3 years. she is 44 and has a girl 17 and boy 14
the reason she has given is
1. the hatred her daughter has for me
2.the kids miss their old home
3.im too clean and tidy and my home is too new and modern
4.we have different lifestyles ..she is a drinker very very social..im not a drinker and very quiet
the problem with the daughter is what caused her to move out but we had agreed to continue relationship but after returning to her place for a week she decided to break up becasue she and the kids felt happier and she did not miss me as much as she thought she would..she never said she didnt love me and she only said she did at one time..she did say during that first week she misses me..
after the breakup was official i applied the no contact rule and its now been 3 weeks and there has been no contact at all through any media.
your quizz says i have 70% chance but have i really since the daughter is the primary reason for the split and she has hated me from day 1.
thanks
David
Hey kevin.I'm a 23 year old male and my ex is also 23. Me and my ex knew each other since middle school. We started dating early February.we have grown a love for one another quick.I have never hurt her before. She has done a # of things to me and I have forgiving her.I (out of anger) sent her a nasty text message five nights ago.I said things hurtful bring up her past and weaknesses. I DID NOT mean what I said I just snapped. And it hurt her so much she just up and didn't wanna talk to me or anything.two nights later I couldn't deal with her silence so I went to her house un welcomed,and tried talking to her.and Kevin.....this girl DID NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.now I know I should of left but I couldn't accept then and there our break up is official.I didn't want her to be like that out of anger and just putting on a front she doesn't care when deep down she does. Well that same night I was there for about two hours and she was ignoring me and saying hurtful things.and as I was about to leave I kept telling her this is wrong don't do this to me. I made a few mistakes according to your tips as far as needy and talking about everything not at an appropriate time.anyway she ended up Puting her hands on me that night.badly constantly punching me and crying.here is interesting and complicated on my end on what I should do. That same night she went to her friends house crying and sobbing that she hit me and felt guilty.her friend was even saying the day before that night that my ex girl Sasha said" he wants to think I don't care ima show him what not caring looks like. Which for me makes it seem she was trying to show me what its like when she doesn't care puting up a front you know.what should I do. We haven't talked for two days at all.I don't want her to think I'm mad and don't care after she hit me. I still care and love her.and frankly she won't be the mature one and come to me.how should I proceed? Do you think she still cares?
I think you should continue no contact for two months. She will probably contact you during that time. If she does contacts you and apologizes, accept her apology and continue with the plan.
I think you should continue no contact for two months. She will probably contact you during that time. If she does contacts you and apologizes, accept her apology and continue with the plan.
Hey kevin help me here my sons mother broke up wit me out of nowhere saying that she just want to be friends but I ask her if she talking to somebody else and she tell me not doing nothing wit nobody I ask her if I did something wrong she tell me no I didn't do nothing at all but she's got some personall issues going on wit her life but it went from a million a texts a day until barely speaking at all so I let her have her space I haven't really been talking to her like that but I call or txt to check on my son thatz it so rite now I'm doing the no contact thing rite now so what i should do give her some more time and give her space do u think i have a good chance getting back bcuz i really love her and care about her as well but rite now I'm giving her space but I'm not acting needy and she pushing me away as well but I'm trying b in her corner but she's pushing me away so do u think i have a chance of getting her back plz give some advice kevin what should I do
Hey,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my Girlfriend broke up over a week now, and i was missing her and called her, but she told me she was feeling something else for another person, and now she is walking with him all over school, so im starting the NC rule, i dont know what to do, because i really lover her, and she just left me like that, we had 2 years together, what can i do about it?
You should follow the 5 step plan.
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi, I really need some advice. There is so much to tell so I will start from the beginning. My ex and I started dating in July of 2012 and moved in together in October of 2012. We lived in the house that I rent with my two kids and his two kids that he currently has. (his other two live with mom). Things were going so well for all of us.....his two smaller children came to visit for the whole summer of 2013 and once they left to go back to mom things started going down hill with our relationship. He started to become depressed which I knew why (it was because of his babies leaving and him not sure of when he would see them again) I completely understood and tried to help him in any way possible even tried leaving him alone so he could have his space. As the days went on I could see he was miserable nothing was the same, his two kids (the ones living with us) were miserable and my ex started becoming very secretive and sneaky with things. He let everything go around the house, didn't care about anything and it felt like we became roommates instead of a couple. and we were constantly fighting about stupid things. In November of 2013 he came to me and said him and the boys are going to move out when he gets his income taxes, at first I was angry and got all upset and said mean things like I knew you were planning something and you just used me (I paid out so much money for him and his kids). He said that was not it and that he needed to finish things that he started after his wife left him and that his boys weren't happy and so forth. After days of arguing and me thinking about it, I apologized and told him that I understood and would stand by him for whatever he needs. the next couple of months our relationship was still distant and just seemed to get worse. He filed his taxes, got the deposit date and then started looking for places to live. Now his boys wanted to go back to the town they lived in before we met and he told me that he was not going to do that and that he was going to look somewhere near me because he still wanted to be with me. Well, one day all of a sudden I got a text and it so happens to be that a guy he works with has a place to rent in his price range and it is in the town the boys want to live in and that he was gonna take it. That started a huge argument between us because his boys control his life they don't care what happens to their dad as long as they are happy, it is all about them and he knows it but wont admit it. Anyway he told me he was moving in on March 1st. I said ok and we started going shopping with him for things for the new place. Well on February 8 and 9th two days before his direct deposit of taxes, it seemed like he was being a real jerk to me and cold that both days. We got into a huge argument and he told me that the real reason why he is leaving is because his kids F******* hate me.......OMG!!!! I was devastated, I did so much for all of them, bought them everything, took them every where......my heart broke in two. Needless to say that started a huge argument and his oldest kid got involved and said "just look at what you are doing to my dad he is miserable" Again my heart broke in two. I never did anything to hurt our relationship or his kids I was like a mom to them and a wife to him.....gave them everything. Needless to say I told him I want him out and he said already don they are leaving tomorrow. So you see why I think this was all planned? He waited till he had the money in his pocket to start a huge fight with me and have me break up with him, because when I did their was no fight from him he just said ok. he moved out on February 10th. he got a new phone on the 11th and did text me with his new number and said that he wants to be friends and that he did not fight with me when I broke up with him because he felt that it was a blessing not because he didn't want to be with me but because he felt that any relationship right now would stop him from doing what he needs to do to get his life back on track. he completely blocked me from facebook and on February 13th I found out why.......he friended his mistress that broke up his marriage and she was also the girl he left when he met me. I was livid and went off on him about it........we didn't talk for weeks then I gave in and said sorry and told him that I would rather have him as a friend then nothing at all. Well as of today we are friends, but friends with benefits you could say because we have slept together many times in the last month, but he still talks to her goes places with her but says they are just friends and he is not sleeping with her. He doesn't want a relationship with anyone at this time. I still love him and get so mad and jealous when I know they are together but I am ok when he is with me. During sex he even told me "you know I still love you right". The last time I slept with him was on April 12, gave him gas money and money for his sons prom ticket on April 15th and haven't heard from him since, but I know for a 100% fact that he is talking, texting and with her. What do I do????? I am going insane and so depressed. I feel he is using me, but I know he still loves me. Please Help!!!
I am 100% sure he is using you and the only reason he loves you because he needs you. You need to cut him off from your life for at least two months. Give him time to get his life back on track and you should also use this time to learn to be happy without him in your life. If after that, you still want him, get back in touch with him.
I am 100% sure he is using you and the only reason he loves you because he needs you. You need to cut him off from your life for at least two months. Give him time to get his life back on track and you should also use this time to learn to be happy without him in your life. If after that, you still want him, get back in touch with him.
Hi Kevin,
I have signed up to your emails and they are really helping me a lot, but I'm still a bit confused about what to do.
I was in a long distance relationship with someone and we would speak everyday, if not every other day. Everything was going ok, he got a little more distant than usual but I know he was a bit stressed at work and he would still always let me know he missed me/still wanted to see me etc. Suddenly out of the blue he stopped answering my messages. This went on for a week until I decided to phone him using an unknown number. He told me he felt awkward about moving around all the time (with his job) and he doesn't know what he wants right now. He also said he has a lot to think about. I told him to think about whatever that is then tell me his decision then I ended the call. It's been nearly a month since then and I've heard nothing. I know it's pretty clear we're no longer in a relationship but he didn't actually break up with me, just sort of left me hanging. So now I have no reason or explanation to help me try to understand the situation. He hasn't deleted me off of any social networking sites and I know he deleted his last ex after they broke up so he must still feel something right? Within the past week though he untagged himself from all the pictures we had together on Facebook and I find it a bit weird that he's only just decieded to do that now when its been weeks. I don't know if he maybe expected me to carry on chasing him and is trying to get my attention in an indirect way or what but it just seems really strange. The no contact period is coming up to 30 days now so how can I break it when he was the one who started ignoring me and still is, and we didn't 'officially break up'? Sorry the message is so long, I hope you can help.
Thanks.
You should contact him. It doesn't matter who started no contact or who gets back in touch. What matters more is what you say when you get back in touch. Even if things don't work out, you will at least get closure and will be able to move on.
How much longer should I wait to contact him again? And what should I say when I do?
When the 30 days are over. If you think you've already broken up, then you should use the text messages or the letter above. If you're not sure you've broken up, then call him and ask him about it. If he says he wants to breakup, then start no contact again and follow the plan.
When the 30 days are over. If you think you've already broken up, then you should use the text messages or the letter above. If you're not sure you've broken up, then call him and ask him about it. If he says he wants to breakup, then start no contact again and follow the plan.
When the 30 days are over. If you think you've already broken up, then you should use the text messages or the letter above. If you're not sure you've broken up, then call him and ask him about it. If he says he wants to breakup, then start no contact again and follow the plan.
When the 30 days are over. If you think you've already broken up, then you should use the text messages or the letter above. If you're not sure you've broken up, then call him and ask him about it. If he says he wants to breakup, then start no contact again and follow the plan.
How much longer should I wait to contact him again? And what should I say when I do?
How much longer should I wait to contact him again? And what should I say when I do?
You should contact him. It doesn't matter who started no contact or who gets back in touch. What matters more is what you say when you get back in touch. Even if things don't work out, you will at least get closure and will be able to move on.
Hi Kevin,
I was casually involved with someone I've known my whole life for about a year. We became involved right after one of his parent's passed away. After a year of confusing emotions I decided to walk away, because I wanted a commitment. Countless times, this guy has told me that he wants to be "casual" with me forever but if I found someone such as a particular ex then so be it. The last conversation we had was a heated argument where both parties said they were done. We didn't speak for about 4 months after that. However, I've seen him off and on at family functions but we never have words to say to one another. Recently, at my father's birthday party, he came and the particular ex was there as well. He showed no signs of annoyance but became very boisterous asking me to do certain things for him such as fix him a drink and a plate. The particular ex left after feeling uncomfortable, and so I tended to my friends who were there as well. However, my ex lover stayed near the whole evening seemingly watching T.V. He would walk past me and touch my arm and when he left he hugged me tightly and called me a sentimental nickname that I've never heard before. All of this behavior was a bit odd being how we ended the relationship. So after he leaves my cousin tells me that he asked her for her number. Clearly, after the nature of our relationship I at least thought he wouldn't try to hook up with a member of my family out of respect, especially knowing me and her are close. I'm all confused by his behavior, because when I tried to reach out to address the issue, he said he was "fine". Any thoughts to this confusing behavior??
There is a chance he asked for her number to test the waters or just to make you jealous. Or it could be the obvious possibility that he is a jerk and you should stay away from him.
There is a chance he asked for her number to test the waters or just to make you jealous. Or it could be the obvious possibility that he is a jerk and you should stay away from him.
Hello Kevin,
So my ex broke up with me six months ago in October, after being together for four years and initially when we broke up he said he didn't know why, but he didn't need a relationship and he'd come back when he was ready. So we agreed to be friends. Then it turned into he needed to focus on school, but I always knew he just wanted to talk to other people. But every time I would say that he would immediately shut it down, he had become really distant though so I knew it had to be someone else and the first few months of the break up he was just mean in general.. from ignoring me, to saying rude things but then when he'd see me he would be extremely sweet.. saying he missed me and that he still believed I was "the one" for him and trying to kiss me saying that, "when we kiss I feel IT, all the love and everything someone would want to feel.. It gives me tingles" and give super long and right hugs and everything so I thought we still might have a chance. And this went on for the first few months of the break up. But then he'd go right back to being distant over texts or on the phone.. So one day, in like January, I was just officially tired and I sent this LONG message just thanking him for the past and teaching me about myself.. basically letting him know I would try to let go. Then he sent a long message in response telling me he'd always love me and that he wanted me in his life and all of this .. Then he confessed that he had kissed someone else but he didn't like her anymore and blah blah and it just really hurt me so I didn't respond.. And we went a few weeks without talking. Then he texted me to say hi and I responded. It was a very short conversation because I was still angry but a few days later I texted him, because I needed to know more information about the girl he kissed being that he was still kissing and sleeping with me. So I asked if I knew her, he said no. And I wanted to know when, he told me it was in 2013 and that made me angry because we had been kissing the whole time and he never said a thing. So I stopped responding again. Then I saw him again in the beginning of March and he was walking me home, and I asked the girls name and he said he had already told me. But I knew he didn't so we went back and forth and I just stopped walking.. So then he said he didn't want me to text her.. So I was saying why would I ? You said I didn't know her.. Then he said you do .. So then turns out it was a really good friend of mines.. And I was just livid, and hurt. I walked away that day and then he texted me a few hours later wanting to talk and apologizing but I didn't really have anything to say to him. But I ended up trying to forgive him like the very next day. And so I guess we were over it but I really wasn't because I just thought it was too soon for him to be doing that and then she was my friend so I was extremely angry at her, well the both of them. Then we kind of didn't talk too much for a week or two until I ran into him at this park near my house which he goes to frequently and I found out that he had moved closer so he was saying I would see him way more and blah blah. So we spent the entire day together, then he came back to my house and we slept together. I regretted it immediately because I knew I shouldn't have done it but I just missed him and I wanted to feel like he still wanted me.. But I honestly don't know if he does but anyways.. After that he basically pretended like nothing happened we started seeing each other more because he lives really close and he's always affectionate but when we're not together it's just like friends. But then a few days ago I talked to the girl that he kissed and she just told me EVERYTHING. Like she said he really wanted to be with her and he was trying to sleep with her and this other girl and he tells everyone he doesn't mess with me, saying that he wasn't in love with me he just has love for me and he was talking bad about me and everything. But when I asked him he denied some parts and confirmed others. And I still just haven't gotten over that. But we're still in communication because I found out that I'm pregnant. Now I just don't know what to do, I'm not sure if he's moving on or if he intends on coming back or if he's even worth waiting for. I don't think he is, because he's not what I want. He's just WHO I want. It's just hard because he's the only person I see a future with.. And I'm still in love with him. But I don't want a relationship with him because I don't trust him. I don't know if we can be best friends or if that's just some intangible desire that I have.. I just really need help. Thank you for your time.
I'm a little confused. How can you see a future with someone you don't trust? Don't you see yourself in a healthy, trusting, and meaningful relationship in the future? I think you should do no contact for at least three months and think things through.
I'm a little confused. How can you see a future with someone you don't trust? Don't you see yourself in a healthy, trusting, and meaningful relationship in the future? I think you should do no contact for at least three months and think things through.
Hi Kevin, i broke up with my girlfriend 5 days ago and its been heartbreaking for me, mostly because i know everything was my fault. I have been overly jealous and possessive and controlling and aggressive and i hate it. I hate myself. Thing is, we've only been going out for a year, although we lusted after each other for months - and i hate it because we've been living together for pretty much the whole time we've been going out. I and nobody else has ruined this relationship and i have to live with the fact i have lost the best thing in my life and my future plans with her seem in tatters. I dont want her back because i cant be that person anyone. He died on Sunday. But, i want her to fall in love wit the new me and in 10 years time we can both look back on this as being the best thing to happen to us. Ive been texting her goodnight and shes apologised many times for hurting me, if only she knew how i felt having hurt her for months.. she finally opened a dialogue from more than 'good night' 'sleep well' to thanking me for being so considerate of her. She even told me i could call if i needed too. We spoke for the first time yesterdaty and she kept calling me baby (habbit i know) she also mentioned she missed me a few times. But she also said the relationship just 'ran its course' or words to that effect. She went to a mutual friends house last night and i met him today for lunch, he mentioned to me that he asked her last night if there was any chance for the two of us, she replied to him 'no'. She still text me today and we have agreed to speak this evening, what do you think my chances are of being with her again? I never thought id ever say it and as cliche as it is, she is the one for me and i am changing for myself, because i need too, but it would be nice to be with her too.
Hey Nick,
You do have a decent chance of being with her again. You need to follow the plan.
Hey Nick,
You do have a decent chance of being with her again. You need to follow the plan.
hi kevin
i really need your help there has been a development and i dont know what to do ..
well we met. 2 weeks after the breakeup. when we met she told me she could not sleep the night before from exitment.. we spent the whole afternoon together, drank wine, went to great restaurant.. we talked a lot.. she still want to be alone with her thoughts, told me she felt the relationship held her from moving on in life and finding what she really want to do..
she told me she dosnt want anybody else but me.. and she wants to continue to see me once a week for fun and sex and that she loves me, but cant give anything back right now because she is 100% self focused on herself.
when i told her i dont see what is the point on meeting once a week she told me that if i want other girls then there is no point.. but if i dont want other girls then "why not?" , after the date we went to my place and had AMAZING SEX! , she left this morning sending me a text she had the most amazing time with me and that she loves me.
we where supposed to travel abroad for 5 days in june, and yesterday she told me she still want to go (i have the tickets hotel everything already booked) and if i will tell her that i will not cancel the tickets and hotel we will have the most amazing time together.
when i told her she is not being fair with me, she told me she will accept every decision i will make but that she will not give up on me or forget about me that quickly.
i really love her.. i dont know what to do.. what is the best way to act on this? this is very confusing :-((((
please give your take on this .
thanks.
You have two options
1. Continue doing what she wants to do till the time you can. And if it becomes emotionally exhausting (or she starts dating some other guy) for you, tell her you either she commits or you move on.
2. Tell her that you can't do this and if she wants to be with you, she should commit. And apply no contact after that.
You have two options
1. Continue doing what she wants to do till the time you can. And if it becomes emotionally exhausting (or she starts dating some other guy) for you, tell her you either she commits or you move on.
2. Tell her that you can't do this and if she wants to be with you, she should commit. And apply no contact after that.
Hi Kevin, my ex-gf broke with me in last week and i doing this steps now. I don't want delete or block her contact in whatsapp is the only way we can talk , but i don't go talk ou stalk her. My question is in Whatsapp the people can see if you read the message, if her send me a message to me and she see i read the message and not answer her she won't be angry or give up me?
If you want, you can tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. After you've told her this, it won't be rude if you don't answer her.
If you want, you can tell her you need space and time whenever she contacts you. After you've told her this, it won't be rude if you don't answer her.
Hello there brother Kevin,
I really need help, I had a girlfriend, we've been together 1yr and 2 months and We know to each other that what we had was real.. She is my first of all first love, first big fight, first sex everything and also she I'm her first in all, We have so many memories.. good and bad. but we broke up. It was 1 and a half year ago... I really regret what bad things that I have done and things that I didn't do for her... and now that I lost her Its killing me.. but last Nov I effortly (our anniversary should) went to the place where we always went and I saw her but She rejected me and I went away while crying coz of pain but when I looked backed I saw her crying too, then last jan. everynight I message her whats going on to me in my life etc until feb nonstop..then One time she replied and I was so happy about that but when I open the message She said that She doesnt want me anymore I should move on because she is moved on already that she is too focus on her parents/family and study.. and replied "why wont you just blocked me here on facebook so You wont receive my messages?" she answered "I just dont like to blocked you" (is that has a beautiful meaning bro kevin?) after that I do what She wants I stopped. I didnt send her any message until now.. But kevin I want you to know that All I need is Her, and I really want to get her back.. (she still has no boyfriend), all of my friend tell me that I should just move on but no one supported Me.. and I made a video for her and she does not know about it.. what should I do? I Hope You'll reply Brother Kevin.. thank you
Hey Cedric,
To be honest Cedric, I also think you should move on. If you want to try to get her back, you should follow the 5 step plan and do no contact for another1 months. Then get back in touch with her but this time, approach her as a friend and not a lover. Read the 5 step plan.
Hey Cedric,
To be honest Cedric, I also think you should move on. If you want to try to get her back, you should follow the 5 step plan and do no contact for another1 months. Then get back in touch with her but this time, approach her as a friend and not a lover. Read the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin
Me and my ex were dating a little over 2 years and about a week after she broke up with me , she already found another man. I started doin the no contact but it was short it was about 2 and a half weeks because she asked me to see her for our b- day and btw we had a very good time and she loved the gifts I got for her, after that we saw each other two more times later on in that week but idk if her relationship is a rebound because she liked this guy before we met and another thing is she said he's a nice guy and always makes her laugh she " loves him" Now I don't know what to do I really want to have her back and I am changing for the better cause she means so much to me. Should I start the no contact again ? And btw they been goin out for almost a month already :( and they changed the fb status.. I really want her back please help.
It is probably a rebound. I think you should apply no contact again and follow the 5 step plan.
It is probably a rebound. I think you should apply no contact again and follow the 5 step plan.
Hi,
I need some advice. I dated this guy for about 1 month. On our first outing he told me a lot of personal information and also about how he will be happy when he is dead. Only his mother and sister makes him happy. If he gets married and his wife and children does not want to live with his mother he will divorce his wife and stay with his mom. During our relationship he told me that he loves me, admires me and is happy when he is with me. For the first 2 weeks he was very attentive he would call me and tell me he misses me and wants to hear my voice. We would hang together until 2am and spend time together. I am a teacher and he was a student in my course. (29 years old). While I was his teacher he attended class every single day, however, now that I am no longer his teacher he dropped out. Also he stopped all communication with me and avoids me at all cost. He is always busy. He cancelled four weekends in a row saying he was busy with work. He knows where I work and where I live. He has my number and every time I try to reach out to him but he ignores me. I ask his friends what happened and they told me that he is still in love with is ex girlfriend. The two of them broke up and ever since then he has been depressed and has been drinking and sleeping all the time. I am also a little confused because while he was in my class there was this girl that always sits next to him and he told me that she was like his little sister. She knows all his secrets. He confides in her about everything. The same time he dropped the course, she stopped attending as well. Whenever he leaves early, she would leave with him. Also he told me he did not want me to touch him or kiss him in public (this was after I ask him if he was using me for sex - I am currently working abroad and I told him my contract was coming to an end) yet this girl would throw herself at him and he would laugh it off. He told me he would not touch me to prove to me that he was not after sex which he did successfully. Anyways I sent him a text and told me that I would sign on for another year and get my own apartment. His reply, "do whatever you want, get your own apartment and live alone, it is your life, do what makes you happy, your happiness is important and that was the last I heard from him - This was on March 26th. I don't know if we're over, if he is seeing that girl, if he is afraid I would hurt him like his ex, if he is afraid I would leave him, if he is depressed, if I should follow the no contact rule or if I should just move on...I'm lost and confused and don't know what else to do...
Hey Maria,
That guy has trouble written all over him. I think you should apply no contact indefinitely. Even if you want to get him back, you should apply no contact for at least 3-4 months.
Hey Maria,
That guy has trouble written all over him. I think you should apply no contact indefinitely. Even if you want to get him back, you should apply no contact for at least 3-4 months.
Hi Kevin,Firstly I would like to appreciate your efforts for we guys,My name is Mahesh,I am 23 years of age and EX is 22,we were together for 6 months,fortunately I got the job in same organisation where she is working but after joining things start spoiling and we were broke up in december 2013,It was my fault that I didn't give her much space,but I really love her unconditionally,even she loved me very much but after broke,in deprerssion I had left that job and apologise to her for 1000's of time but she dont want to listen at all,I accept everything that was my mistake but still she do not want to come back,I was continuously message her since last 4 months but she feel it very irritating now,I know it voilate no-contact rule but only reason I text her was I dont want time to run out from my hand,so please please suggest me what should I do now,because I really really want her back forever.Thank you.
Hey Mahesh,
I replied to your comment here.
Hey Mahesh,
I replied to your comment here.
Me and my girlfriend broke up though the phone then , 2 weeks later she texted me saying she wants to meet up we do then she says she's confused and doesn't know what she wants we had sex that night , even tho I cried and panicked do I still have a chance with her , I haven't contacted her since Friday and she told me to wait on her till she makes her mind up she says she misses me and thought about me everyday but that day was the only time she cried because I cried ,do I still have a chance and is blocking her phone number a good strategy intill I'm ready for contact ?
I don't think you should block her number. If she calls and you are not ready, then don't pick up. If she keeps on calling, pick up and tell her you need space and time. And yes, I do think you have a pretty good chance.
I don't think you should block her number. If she calls and you are not ready, then don't pick up. If she keeps on calling, pick up and tell her you need space and time. And yes, I do think you have a pretty good chance.
Hi, kevin
My ex and I dated for a few months, and it was magic. We had an instant connection, and we helped each other to trust again, as we had both been hurt extemely bad in the past. We were also both virgins, and lost our virginity together. Unfortunately, he shows symptoms of bipolar disorder, which have been noticed by multiple lifelong friends. He refuses to adknowledge these however (probably because being diagnosed would prevent him from joining the military. Our first time dating ended after a rough patch, where both of our personal lives got extremely stressful, and the stress of a relationship as well, was too much. He broke up with me, but insisted he wanted to stay friends, and would always care for me. Less than a month later, i missed him, and decided to try and get back together. However, complications arose, as we had multiple people trying to break us up, and we had put up walls with each other as a result of the first break up. Things were gradually getting better between us though, until one extremely rough night, where we had to deal with TWO of the people who wanted us apart. My ex also happened to be going through one of his episodes at the time, and virtually shut down in front of me. He ended it, saying basically the same thing he said the first time we broke up. The next day, we got in a huge texting fight, as there were rumors being spread that i was hitting on his best friend, and that i was saying that my ex was a bad person. we ended our fight on a bad note, with him saying that he was now 100% over me, that i had no idea how easy i made it for him to leave me, and that he did care for me before our fight, but that he didn't at the end of it. I told him that i didn't care for him either and that i was over him. I have now begun the NO-CONTACT. Do you think we will have a chance of getting back together again? we had no big issues in our relationships, the only thing was how we handled stress, and we had people trying to interfere, and we both got discouraged.
Yes Tori, I do think you still have a chance of getting back together.
Yes Tori, I do think you still have a chance of getting back together.
Hi Kevin,
My ex broke up with me February 1. After two weeks of no contact, I tried to plead rekindling with my ex. He said, "I need space to process. You're not giving me room to breath here and forcing things won't make it any better." After that I did no contact for 45 days. Then, I decided to write an apology letter. I told him I accepted the break-up and acknowledged how relational anxiety hurt the relationship.
He replied a day later and wrote this:
"Liz,
Thank you very much for the letter. It was nice to read. Not just for the content, which I appreciate you taking the time to share, but the manner in which you write. Your writing personifies some of the things you talk about in your letter, which is refreshing to see/read. I also appreciate the links to help explain what you were sharing, as well as the nice videos.
I appreciate your recognition of the difficult things. I, unfortunately, am not in a place to concretely uphold or dismiss the things you've shared. Not that I don't believe you; I am quite glad to hear you've seen things you didn't like and have been working and are resolved to continue working to rectify them. But, to only look at it from the perspective of your possible shortcomings would be irresponsible in my eyes. I realize I'm not whole enough to truly know what's up and what's down.
I'm happy, too, to hear you look back with compassion on the things you struggled with. You had, and have had, quite a lot of things pushing and pulling on you. Our relationship got some of its own challenges in that regard. But to say there weren't happy, positive, blessed times would be a lie. And to say that we didn't both grow, even in the mire of it all, would be a lie as well. I watched you confront a lot of things. Regardless of if you won or lost in those situations is irrelevant in my eyes; facing them is the only thing that moves one forward.
I apologize as well. I realize my mind isn't quite on track, which leads to ups and downs that can be hard to navigate. I would engage and withdraw, amplify and then drown myself out. I still do, but it's easier to do it alone.
Orthogonally from the content at hand, I'd like to express my sincere condolences for the loss of your cousin. I hope you and your family are coping as well as drawing close together to support and encourage one another.
Thank you again,
Tony"
I'm not sure what to do next? He seems like he's still at an impasse (processing and trying to figure his shit out) but also not showing a lot of feeling for me or toward rekindling. He seems to care for me, but he doesn't suggest anything.
He has some of my things still at his house and didn't suggest I pick them up, either. If he felt like this was totally dead, wouldn't he ask me to get my stuff?
He's also bisexual and a cross dresser, so he's not your average guy. He's mostly into women, but I think has some gender queer stuff going on, which is hard for him to navigate. I really like this about him, because I have similar gender fluidity and bisexual.
What do you recommend?
Reply? Text? No contact again? Move on?
-Liz
I recommend no contact again for a week (or two) then text him. This time, keep things light and fun.
I know you recommended texting him, but I still haven't. It seems like he wants space, so shouldn't I honor that? I am not sure what to do. It seems like texting would be clingy and also dishonor his need to figure out "what's up and what's down." I was thinking of waiting a couple more weeks... What do you think? Any harm in that?
No harm at all.
Hi Kevin,
You think so? He replied to my first message within 5 hours or something. I wonder if me whether my secund question asking if his felony was dropped or not just stressed him out?
Yes, he has only replied and not initiated, but I wonder if I sent a text like, "Hey, I was at a conference recently and realized how nice it is to meet friends in person that you normally only get to connect with on the internet. Made me think about you and how nice those experiences must be for you and how important it is for them to be immersive. How was your recent conference? Did you see your long distance friend... Gianni? :)"
Or, I thought about sending a text of a Tshirt he'd like or something lighthearted.
I'm afraid another month of no contact... And I'll lose the opportunity to be close to him...
I don't want to push... And don't want to be desperate. I just want to start chatting again. I could try to go the let's be friends route, maybe?
I thought about gchatting... Which is more comfortable for him anyway...
What do you think?
The fact that he didn't decide to continue the conversation is a bad sign. You can try that message. Or even the t-shirt message. However, if he is still cold, then you trying anymore will make you look desperate.
The fact that he didn't decide to continue the conversation is a bad sign. You can try that message. Or even the t-shirt message. However, if he is still cold, then you trying anymore will make you look desperate.
The fact that he didn't decide to continue the conversation is a bad sign. You can try that message. Or even the t-shirt message. However, if he is still cold, then you trying anymore will make you look desperate.
The fact that he didn't decide to continue the conversation is a bad sign. You can try that message. Or even the t-shirt message. However, if he is still cold, then you trying anymore will make you look desperate.
The fact that he didn't decide to continue the conversation is a bad sign. You can try that message. Or even the t-shirt message. However, if he is still cold, then you trying anymore will make you look desperate.
The fact that he didn't decide to continue the conversation is a bad sign. You can try that message. Or even the t-shirt message. However, if he is still cold, then you trying anymore will make you look desperate.
Hi Kevin,
Tony replied (see above), so after a day I texted a reply back and said I was so glad that the case is settling and that he was with friends. I ended my reply with, "So this means the offense was dropped or at least lowered, yes? " I sent that text on 5/28, but he never responded. It's been about 6 days since then. I am not sure why he didn't reply?
I have been thinking about sending another text, but I feel so pathetic... I know that I have to be comfortable with uncertainty, but I also keep getting advice from family and friends that says, "If a man wants you, he'll pursue you. Period." Others say, "You're making yourself too available. Men don't like that." Etc. I struggle with being perceived as needy or as "less desirous" to him simply because I reach out.
What would be your advice?
My goal is that eventually, I'd like to get him to *want* to see me and then create a new goal after that. But, he never has initiated contacting me (he only replies).
I have some things of mine at his house and it had been a long time since he suggested I come get them, which also confuses me. I can't tell if he needs space to figure shit out (hence wanting to wait on the exchange) or if he just doesn't care.
Should I text again or not and if so, should I initiate getting my things? Or, what do you think would be a good idea?
Also, do you think I still have a chance even though in 4 months he has only replied and never initiated contact? Sometimes I worry I'm obsessing over an impossible relationship. :(
Hey Liz,
He is cold. It's a bad sign. I'll recommend doing NC for another month before texting him again. If he is still cold, you should consider moving on.
Hey Liz,
He is cold. It's a bad sign. I'll recommend doing NC for another month before texting him again. If he is still cold, you should consider moving on.
Hey Liz,
He is cold. It's a bad sign. I'll recommend doing NC for another month before texting him again. If he is still cold, you should consider moving on.
Hey Liz,
He is cold. It's a bad sign. I'll recommend doing NC for another month before texting him again. If he is still cold, you should consider moving on.
Hey Liz,
He is cold. It's a bad sign. I'll recommend doing NC for another month before texting him again. If he is still cold, you should consider moving on.
Hey Liz,
He is cold. It's a bad sign. I'll recommend doing NC for another month before texting him again. If he is still cold, you should consider moving on.
Thanks, Kevin. I decided to do the second one--felt a less intense. He replied yesterday evening, which surprised me. He said thank you, told me he was at the same conference as last year, and briefly mentioned a criminal case he was involved in that was settling out of court (good news)--saying it was a "very interesting birthday present!"
I'm not sure when to reply again or how to do this. He is clearly opening the door for communication, especially telling me about the criminal case (which not a lot of his friends know about).
My plan is to reply and maybe ask a question (but in a subtle way so he doesn't feel rushed). Does that sound good? I'm hoping we can start texting back and forth like once every couple days (but trying not to keep my hopes up...).
I realize that the goal is to introduce enough conversation that he *wants* to connect with me, right? Gosh the finesse of this is hard! What do you think?
It sounds good. I think you are on the right track.
It sounds good. I think you are on the right track.
It sounds good. I think you are on the right track.
It sounds good. I think you are on the right track.
It sounds good. I think you are on the right track.
It sounds good. I think you are on the right track.
I forgot to tell you that we are both 30 years old.
So, I've decided to text Tony on his birthday, 5/28. We really haven't connected since he replied to my last email on 4/15. It's been since 2/1 since we ended our relationship. I plan on texting this:
(1)
"I remember fondly an email you wrote to me this time last year about a spiritual experience you said you had--it was something about the happiness you felt playing in the ocean under the stars (while simultaneously feeling like the people you cared about from home were there with you). The other day, I had my own happy moment at the Multnomah County Fair with Mary. We rode in a crazy-like Tilt-a-whirl. She was so cute and scared! Also, made me think of that time you and I were in Seaside on the rides. The memory made me smile and think about how playful and fun life can be...whether on a tilt a whirl...or under the stars. Happy birthday, Tony. :)"
Is that okay?
If not, I could just say:
(2)
"I was just thinking about this time last year. You sent me this nice email about a meaningful experience you had with the ocean. I recently had a meaningful/sweet experience with Mary at Oaks Park. We went on some rides, including the tilt a whirl. She was so cute and scared! Made me think of when you and I were at Seaside. Hope you're having a day with good memories. Happy Birthday, Tony."
What do you think? I like the first one, but I would really appreciate your perspective. Do either work? Or none? Which do you think?
It is possible he won't reply, but I'll be okay with that. I know now, that this is important for me to at least try.
Hey Liz,
I guess I am late for this. Hope it went well.
Hey Liz,
I guess I am late for this. Hope it went well.
Hey Liz,
I guess I am late for this. Hope it went well.
Hey Liz,
I guess I am late for this. Hope it went well.
Hey Liz,
I guess I am late for this. Hope it went well.
Hey Liz,
I guess I am late for this. Hope it went well.
Hi Kevin,
It's been about 3.5 months since Tony and I broke up and about one month since I sent you that email wondering if I should wait to reply to his reply to my initial apology email. I have been very hesitant to send a lighthearted email to Tony (as you suggested), because I'm afraid of being rejected and being perceived as the pathetic one initiating contact (he hasn't reached out at all except in response to me that time and a few other times before that). I've gotten advice from friends who say-"Give him space and leave him alone. Work on yourself. He's not well enough for you." I agree with them a bit and do feel closer to a place where I don't feel that desperate for him (sort of like "what will be will be"). In a way, I also began to realize I am a stronger, healthier, more attractive and more intelligent person than he is. I don't mean this to be unkind--he just seems immature (even though he also has wonderful qualities too). I just have worked so hard on my insecurity and his reply message gave me the impression that he's still the same. Still, I deeply care about him and do still want to be near/close to him. My struggle is that I am not sure what to do. I realize that if I was the person who was the "primary" damager (through my insecurity/jealousy/anger) of the relationship, than the onus is really on me to salvage things. However, I am not sure how to initiate contact and not sure if I should try. If he wants me, wouldn't he initiate? I also don't want to be perceived as pathetic. But, I also worry that after 3.5 months...he's probably over me and doesn't want to hear from me? What kind of text would you send? Would you advise me to just get over it and move on?
Hey Liz,
There's no responsibility on you to fix the relationship. If you want him back, you should reach out to him. If you think you are better off without him, you should cut contact and move on. The only responsibility you have is to do whatever makes you happy. If you want to text him, why don't you use the "something reminded me of you" text from the article?
Hey Liz,
There's no responsibility on you to fix the relationship. If you want him back, you should reach out to him. If you think you are better off without him, you should cut contact and move on. The only responsibility you have is to do whatever makes you happy. If you want to text him, why don't you use the "something reminded me of you" text from the article?
Hey Liz,
There's no responsibility on you to fix the relationship. If you want him back, you should reach out to him. If you think you are better off without him, you should cut contact and move on. The only responsibility you have is to do whatever makes you happy. If you want to text him, why don't you use the "something reminded me of you" text from the article?
Hey Liz,
There's no responsibility on you to fix the relationship. If you want him back, you should reach out to him. If you think you are better off without him, you should cut contact and move on. The only responsibility you have is to do whatever makes you happy. If you want to text him, why don't you use the "something reminded me of you" text from the article?
Hey Liz,
There's no responsibility on you to fix the relationship. If you want him back, you should reach out to him. If you think you are better off without him, you should cut contact and move on. The only responsibility you have is to do whatever makes you happy. If you want to text him, why don't you use the "something reminded me of you" text from the article?
Hey Liz,
There's no responsibility on you to fix the relationship. If you want him back, you should reach out to him. If you think you are better off without him, you should cut contact and move on. The only responsibility you have is to do whatever makes you happy. If you want to text him, why don't you use the "something reminded me of you" text from the article?
So, I noticed on his Facebook that he took down one pic from his timeline that was of us together at a party. Very cute pic and was the first pic that really showed us as a couple. I have a feeling he did it so it didn't show up in his top 9 photos sidebar... I am not sure why, though? And, why now? (after that email he sent). I feel sad about it. It seems like a sign that maybe he is really trying to move on and not think about me? But why just the one photo? I wonder if I should just lose hope? I'm not sure what to think or do? Any advice?
Stop obsessing over things he does on facebook. It will not help you get him back.
Stop obsessing over things he does on facebook. It will not help you get him back.
Stop obsessing over things he does on facebook. It will not help you get him back.
Stop obsessing over things he does on facebook. It will not help you get him back.
Stop obsessing over things he does on facebook. It will not help you get him back.
Stop obsessing over things he does on facebook. It will not help you get him back.
Hi Kevin,
You think so? He replied to my first message within 5 hours or something. I wonder if me whether my secund question asking if his felony was dropped or not just stressed him out?
Yes, he has only replied and not initiated, but I wonder if I sent a text like, "Hey, I was at a conference recently and realized how nice it is to meet friends in person that you normally only get to connect with on the internet. Made me think about you and how nice those experiences must be for you and how important it is for them to be immersive. How was your recent conference? Did you see your long distance friend... Gianni? :)"
Or, I thought about sending a text of a Tshirt he'd like or something lighthearted.
I'm afraid another month of no contact... And I'll lose the opportunity to be close to him...
I don't want to push... And don't want to be desperate. I just want to start chatting again. I could try to go the let's be friends route, maybe?
I thought about gchatting... Which is more comfortable for him anyway...
What do you think?
Hi Kevin,
Tony replied (see above), so after a day I texted a reply back and said I was so glad that the case is settling and that he was with friends. I ended my reply with, "So this means the offense was dropped or at least lowered, yes? " I sent that text on 5/28, but he never responded. It's been about 6 days since then. I am not sure why he didn't reply?
I have been thinking about sending another text, but I feel so pathetic... I know that I have to be comfortable with uncertainty, but I also keep getting advice from family and friends that says, "If a man wants you, he'll pursue you. Period." Others say, "You're making yourself too available. Men don't like that." Etc. I struggle with being perceived as needy or as "less desirous" to him simply because I reach out.
What would be your advice?
My goal is that eventually, I'd like to get him to *want* to see me and then create a new goal after that. But, he never has initiated contacting me (he only replies).
I have some things of mine at his house and it had been a long time since he suggested I come get them, which also confuses me. I can't tell if he needs space to figure shit out (hence wanting to wait on the exchange) or if he just doesn't care.
Should I text again or not and if so, should I initiate getting my things? Or, what do you think would be a good idea?
Also, do you think I still have a chance even though in 4 months he has only replied and never initiated contact? Sometimes I worry I'm obsessing over an impossible relationship. :(
Thanks, Kevin. I decided to do the second one--felt a less intense. He replied yesterday evening, which surprised me. He said thank you, told me he was at the same conference as last year, and briefly mentioned a criminal case he was involved in that was settling out of court (good news)--saying it was a "very interesting birthday present!"
I'm not sure when to reply again or how to do this. He is clearly opening the door for communication, especially telling me about the criminal case (which not a lot of his friends know about).
My plan is to reply and maybe ask a question (but in a subtle way so he doesn't feel rushed). Does that sound good? I'm hoping we can start texting back and forth like once every couple days (but trying not to keep my hopes up...).
I realize that the goal is to introduce enough conversation that he *wants* to connect with me, right? Gosh the finesse of this is hard! What do you think?
I forgot to tell you that we are both 30 years old.
So, I've decided to text Tony on his birthday, 5/28. We really haven't connected since he replied to my last email on 4/15. It's been since 2/1 since we ended our relationship. I plan on texting this:
(1)
"I remember fondly an email you wrote to me this time last year about a spiritual experience you said you had--it was something about the happiness you felt playing in the ocean under the stars (while simultaneously feeling like the people you cared about from home were there with you). The other day, I had my own happy moment at the Multnomah County Fair with Mary. We rode in a crazy-like Tilt-a-whirl. She was so cute and scared! Also, made me think of that time you and I were in Seaside on the rides. The memory made me smile and think about how playful and fun life can be...whether on a tilt a whirl...or under the stars. Happy birthday, Tony. :)"
Is that okay?
If not, I could just say:
(2)
"I was just thinking about this time last year. You sent me this nice email about a meaningful experience you had with the ocean. I recently had a meaningful/sweet experience with Mary at Oaks Park. We went on some rides, including the tilt a whirl. She was so cute and scared! Made me think of when you and I were at Seaside. Hope you're having a day with good memories. Happy Birthday, Tony."
What do you think? I like the first one, but I would really appreciate your perspective. Do either work? Or none? Which do you think?
It is possible he won't reply, but I'll be okay with that. I know now, that this is important for me to at least try.
Hi Kevin,
It's been about 3.5 months since Tony and I broke up and about one month since I sent you that email wondering if I should wait to reply to his reply to my initial apology email. I have been very hesitant to send a lighthearted email to Tony (as you suggested), because I'm afraid of being rejected and being perceived as the pathetic one initiating contact (he hasn't reached out at all except in response to me that time and a few other times before that). I've gotten advice from friends who say-"Give him space and leave him alone. Work on yourself. He's not well enough for you." I agree with them a bit and do feel closer to a place where I don't feel that desperate for him (sort of like "what will be will be"). In a way, I also began to realize I am a stronger, healthier, more attractive and more intelligent person than he is. I don't mean this to be unkind--he just seems immature (even though he also has wonderful qualities too). I just have worked so hard on my insecurity and his reply message gave me the impression that he's still the same. Still, I deeply care about him and do still want to be near/close to him. My struggle is that I am not sure what to do. I realize that if I was the person who was the "primary" damager (through my insecurity/jealousy/anger) of the relationship, than the onus is really on me to salvage things. However, I am not sure how to initiate contact and not sure if I should try. If he wants me, wouldn't he initiate? I also don't want to be perceived as pathetic. But, I also worry that after 3.5 months...he's probably over me and doesn't want to hear from me? What kind of text would you send? Would you advise me to just get over it and move on?
So, I noticed on his Facebook that he took down one pic from his timeline that was of us together at a party. Very cute pic and was the first pic that really showed us as a couple. I have a feeling he did it so it didn't show up in his top 9 photos sidebar... I am not sure why, though? And, why now? (after that email he sent). I feel sad about it. It seems like a sign that maybe he is really trying to move on and not think about me? But why just the one photo? I wonder if I should just lose hope? I'm not sure what to think or do? Any advice?
Hi Kevin,
You think so? He replied to my first message within 5 hours or something. I wonder if me whether my secund question asking if his felony was dropped or not just stressed him out?
Yes, he has only replied and not initiated, but I wonder if I sent a text like, "Hey, I was at a conference recently and realized how nice it is to meet friends in person that you normally only get to connect with on the internet. Made me think about you and how nice those experiences must be for you and how important it is for them to be immersive. How was your recent conference? Did you see your long distance friend... Gianni? :)"
Or, I thought about sending a text of a Tshirt he'd like or something lighthearted.
I'm afraid another month of no contact... And I'll lose the opportunity to be close to him...
I don't want to push... And don't want to be desperate. I just want to start chatting again. I could try to go the let's be friends route, maybe?
I thought about gchatting... Which is more comfortable for him anyway...
What do you think?
Hi Kevin,
Tony replied (see above), so after a day I texted a reply back and said I was so glad that the case is settling and that he was with friends. I ended my reply with, "So this means the offense was dropped or at least lowered, yes? " I sent that text on 5/28, but he never responded. It's been about 6 days since then. I am not sure why he didn't reply?
I have been thinking about sending another text, but I feel so pathetic... I know that I have to be comfortable with uncertainty, but I also keep getting advice from family and friends that says, "If a man wants you, he'll pursue you. Period." Others say, "You're making yourself too available. Men don't like that." Etc. I struggle with being perceived as needy or as "less desirous" to him simply because I reach out.
What would be your advice?
My goal is that eventually, I'd like to get him to *want* to see me and then create a new goal after that. But, he never has initiated contacting me (he only replies).
I have some things of mine at his house and it had been a long time since he suggested I come get them, which also confuses me. I can't tell if he needs space to figure shit out (hence wanting to wait on the exchange) or if he just doesn't care.
Should I text again or not and if so, should I initiate getting my things? Or, what do you think would be a good idea?
Also, do you think I still have a chance even though in 4 months he has only replied and never initiated contact? Sometimes I worry I'm obsessing over an impossible relationship. :(
Thanks, Kevin. I decided to do the second one--felt a less intense. He replied yesterday evening, which surprised me. He said thank you, told me he was at the same conference as last year, and briefly mentioned a criminal case he was involved in that was settling out of court (good news)--saying it was a "very interesting birthday present!"
I'm not sure when to reply again or how to do this. He is clearly opening the door for communication, especially telling me about the criminal case (which not a lot of his friends know about).
My plan is to reply and maybe ask a question (but in a subtle way so he doesn't feel rushed). Does that sound good? I'm hoping we can start texting back and forth like once every couple days (but trying not to keep my hopes up...).
I realize that the goal is to introduce enough conversation that he *wants* to connect with me, right? Gosh the finesse of this is hard! What do you think?
I forgot to tell you that we are both 30 years old.
So, I've decided to text Tony on his birthday, 5/28. We really haven't connected since he replied to my last email on 4/15. It's been since 2/1 since we ended our relationship. I plan on texting this:
(1)
"I remember fondly an email you wrote to me this time last year about a spiritual experience you said you had--it was something about the happiness you felt playing in the ocean under the stars (while simultaneously feeling like the people you cared about from home were there with you). The other day, I had my own happy moment at the Multnomah County Fair with Mary. We rode in a crazy-like Tilt-a-whirl. She was so cute and scared! Also, made me think of that time you and I were in Seaside on the rides. The memory made me smile and think about how playful and fun life can be...whether on a tilt a whirl...or under the stars. Happy birthday, Tony. :)"
Is that okay?
If not, I could just say:
(2)
"I was just thinking about this time last year. You sent me this nice email about a meaningful experience you had with the ocean. I recently had a meaningful/sweet experience with Mary at Oaks Park. We went on some rides, including the tilt a whirl. She was so cute and scared! Made me think of when you and I were at Seaside. Hope you're having a day with good memories. Happy Birthday, Tony."
What do you think? I like the first one, but I would really appreciate your perspective. Do either work? Or none? Which do you think?
It is possible he won't reply, but I'll be okay with that. I know now, that this is important for me to at least try.
Hi Kevin,
It's been about 3.5 months since Tony and I broke up and about one month since I sent you that email wondering if I should wait to reply to his reply to my initial apology email. I have been very hesitant to send a lighthearted email to Tony (as you suggested), because I'm afraid of being rejected and being perceived as the pathetic one initiating contact (he hasn't reached out at all except in response to me that time and a few other times before that). I've gotten advice from friends who say-"Give him space and leave him alone. Work on yourself. He's not well enough for you." I agree with them a bit and do feel closer to a place where I don't feel that desperate for him (sort of like "what will be will be"). In a way, I also began to realize I am a stronger, healthier, more attractive and more intelligent person than he is. I don't mean this to be unkind--he just seems immature (even though he also has wonderful qualities too). I just have worked so hard on my insecurity and his reply message gave me the impression that he's still the same. Still, I deeply care about him and do still want to be near/close to him. My struggle is that I am not sure what to do. I realize that if I was the person who was the "primary" damager (through my insecurity/jealousy/anger) of the relationship, than the onus is really on me to salvage things. However, I am not sure how to initiate contact and not sure if I should try. If he wants me, wouldn't he initiate? I also don't want to be perceived as pathetic. But, I also worry that after 3.5 months...he's probably over me and doesn't want to hear from me? What kind of text would you send? Would you advise me to just get over it and move on?
So, I noticed on his Facebook that he took down one pic from his timeline that was of us together at a party. Very cute pic and was the first pic that really showed us as a couple. I have a feeling he did it so it didn't show up in his top 9 photos sidebar... I am not sure why, though? And, why now? (after that email he sent). I feel sad about it. It seems like a sign that maybe he is really trying to move on and not think about me? But why just the one photo? I wonder if I should just lose hope? I'm not sure what to think or do? Any advice?
Hi Kevin,
You think so? He replied to my first message within 5 hours or something. I wonder if me whether my secund question asking if his felony was dropped or not just stressed him out?
Yes, he has only replied and not initiated, but I wonder if I sent a text like, "Hey, I was at a conference recently and realized how nice it is to meet friends in person that you normally only get to connect with on the internet. Made me think about you and how nice those experiences must be for you and how important it is for them to be immersive. How was your recent conference? Did you see your long distance friend... Gianni? :)"
Or, I thought about sending a text of a Tshirt he'd like or something lighthearted.
I'm afraid another month of no contact... And I'll lose the opportunity to be close to him...
I don't want to push... And don't want to be desperate. I just want to start chatting again. I could try to go the let's be friends route, maybe?
I thought about gchatting... Which is more comfortable for him anyway...
What do you think?
Hi Kevin,
Tony replied (see above), so after a day I texted a reply back and said I was so glad that the case is settling and that he was with friends. I ended my reply with, "So this means the offense was dropped or at least lowered, yes? " I sent that text on 5/28, but he never responded. It's been about 6 days since then. I am not sure why he didn't reply?
I have been thinking about sending another text, but I feel so pathetic... I know that I have to be comfortable with uncertainty, but I also keep getting advice from family and friends that says, "If a man wants you, he'll pursue you. Period." Others say, "You're making yourself too available. Men don't like that." Etc. I struggle with being perceived as needy or as "less desirous" to him simply because I reach out.
What would be your advice?
My goal is that eventually, I'd like to get him to *want* to see me and then create a new goal after that. But, he never has initiated contacting me (he only replies).
I have some things of mine at his house and it had been a long time since he suggested I come get them, which also confuses me. I can't tell if he needs space to figure shit out (hence wanting to wait on the exchange) or if he just doesn't care.
Should I text again or not and if so, should I initiate getting my things? Or, what do you think would be a good idea?
Also, do you think I still have a chance even though in 4 months he has only replied and never initiated contact? Sometimes I worry I'm obsessing over an impossible relationship. :(
Thanks, Kevin. I decided to do the second one--felt a less intense. He replied yesterday evening, which surprised me. He said thank you, told me he was at the same conference as last year, and briefly mentioned a criminal case he was involved in that was settling out of court (good news)--saying it was a "very interesting birthday present!"
I'm not sure when to reply again or how to do this. He is clearly opening the door for communication, especially telling me about the criminal case (which not a lot of his friends know about).
My plan is to reply and maybe ask a question (but in a subtle way so he doesn't feel rushed). Does that sound good? I'm hoping we can start texting back and forth like once every couple days (but trying not to keep my hopes up...).
I realize that the goal is to introduce enough conversation that he *wants* to connect with me, right? Gosh the finesse of this is hard! What do you think?
I forgot to tell you that we are both 30 years old.
So, I've decided to text Tony on his birthday, 5/28. We really haven't connected since he replied to my last email on 4/15. It's been since 2/1 since we ended our relationship. I plan on texting this:
(1)
"I remember fondly an email you wrote to me this time last year about a spiritual experience you said you had--it was something about the happiness you felt playing in the ocean under the stars (while simultaneously feeling like the people you cared about from home were there with you). The other day, I had my own happy moment at the Multnomah County Fair with Mary. We rode in a crazy-like Tilt-a-whirl. She was so cute and scared! Also, made me think of that time you and I were in Seaside on the rides. The memory made me smile and think about how playful and fun life can be...whether on a tilt a whirl...or under the stars. Happy birthday, Tony. :)"
Is that okay?
If not, I could just say:
(2)
"I was just thinking about this time last year. You sent me this nice email about a meaningful experience you had with the ocean. I recently had a meaningful/sweet experience with Mary at Oaks Park. We went on some rides, including the tilt a whirl. She was so cute and scared! Made me think of when you and I were at Seaside. Hope you're having a day with good memories. Happy Birthday, Tony."
What do you think? I like the first one, but I would really appreciate your perspective. Do either work? Or none? Which do you think?
It is possible he won't reply, but I'll be okay with that. I know now, that this is important for me to at least try.
Hi Kevin,
It's been about 3.5 months since Tony and I broke up and about one month since I sent you that email wondering if I should wait to reply to his reply to my initial apology email. I have been very hesitant to send a lighthearted email to Tony (as you suggested), because I'm afraid of being rejected and being perceived as the pathetic one initiating contact (he hasn't reached out at all except in response to me that time and a few other times before that). I've gotten advice from friends who say-"Give him space and leave him alone. Work on yourself. He's not well enough for you." I agree with them a bit and do feel closer to a place where I don't feel that desperate for him (sort of like "what will be will be"). In a way, I also began to realize I am a stronger, healthier, more attractive and more intelligent person than he is. I don't mean this to be unkind--he just seems immature (even though he also has wonderful qualities too). I just have worked so hard on my insecurity and his reply message gave me the impression that he's still the same. Still, I deeply care about him and do still want to be near/close to him. My struggle is that I am not sure what to do. I realize that if I was the person who was the "primary" damager (through my insecurity/jealousy/anger) of the relationship, than the onus is really on me to salvage things. However, I am not sure how to initiate contact and not sure if I should try. If he wants me, wouldn't he initiate? I also don't want to be perceived as pathetic. But, I also worry that after 3.5 months...he's probably over me and doesn't want to hear from me? What kind of text would you send? Would you advise me to just get over it and move on?
So, I noticed on his Facebook that he took down one pic from his timeline that was of us together at a party. Very cute pic and was the first pic that really showed us as a couple. I have a feeling he did it so it didn't show up in his top 9 photos sidebar... I am not sure why, though? And, why now? (after that email he sent). I feel sad about it. It seems like a sign that maybe he is really trying to move on and not think about me? But why just the one photo? I wonder if I should just lose hope? I'm not sure what to think or do? Any advice?
Hi Kevin,
You think so? He replied to my first message within 5 hours or something. I wonder if me whether my secund question asking if his felony was dropped or not just stressed him out?
Yes, he has only replied and not initiated, but I wonder if I sent a text like, "Hey, I was at a conference recently and realized how nice it is to meet friends in person that you normally only get to connect with on the internet. Made me think about you and how nice those experiences must be for you and how important it is for them to be immersive. How was your recent conference? Did you see your long distance friend... Gianni? :)"
Or, I thought about sending a text of a Tshirt he'd like or something lighthearted.
I'm afraid another month of no contact... And I'll lose the opportunity to be close to him...
I don't want to push... And don't want to be desperate. I just want to start chatting again. I could try to go the let's be friends route, maybe?
I thought about gchatting... Which is more comfortable for him anyway...
What do you think?
Hi Kevin,
Tony replied (see above), so after a day I texted a reply back and said I was so glad that the case is settling and that he was with friends. I ended my reply with, "So this means the offense was dropped or at least lowered, yes? " I sent that text on 5/28, but he never responded. It's been about 6 days since then. I am not sure why he didn't reply?
I have been thinking about sending another text, but I feel so pathetic... I know that I have to be comfortable with uncertainty, but I also keep getting advice from family and friends that says, "If a man wants you, he'll pursue you. Period." Others say, "You're making yourself too available. Men don't like that." Etc. I struggle with being perceived as needy or as "less desirous" to him simply because I reach out.
What would be your advice?
My goal is that eventually, I'd like to get him to *want* to see me and then create a new goal after that. But, he never has initiated contacting me (he only replies).
I have some things of mine at his house and it had been a long time since he suggested I come get them, which also confuses me. I can't tell if he needs space to figure shit out (hence wanting to wait on the exchange) or if he just doesn't care.
Should I text again or not and if so, should I initiate getting my things? Or, what do you think would be a good idea?
Also, do you think I still have a chance even though in 4 months he has only replied and never initiated contact? Sometimes I worry I'm obsessing over an impossible relationship. :(
Thanks, Kevin. I decided to do the second one--felt a less intense. He replied yesterday evening, which surprised me. He said thank you, told me he was at the same conference as last year, and briefly mentioned a criminal case he was involved in that was settling out of court (good news)--saying it was a "very interesting birthday present!"
I'm not sure when to reply again or how to do this. He is clearly opening the door for communication, especially telling me about the criminal case (which not a lot of his friends know about).
My plan is to reply and maybe ask a question (but in a subtle way so he doesn't feel rushed). Does that sound good? I'm hoping we can start texting back and forth like once every couple days (but trying not to keep my hopes up...).
I realize that the goal is to introduce enough conversation that he *wants* to connect with me, right? Gosh the finesse of this is hard! What do you think?
I forgot to tell you that we are both 30 years old.
So, I've decided to text Tony on his birthday, 5/28. We really haven't connected since he replied to my last email on 4/15. It's been since 2/1 since we ended our relationship. I plan on texting this:
(1)
"I remember fondly an email you wrote to me this time last year about a spiritual experience you said you had--it was something about the happiness you felt playing in the ocean under the stars (while simultaneously feeling like the people you cared about from home were there with you). The other day, I had my own happy moment at the Multnomah County Fair with Mary. We rode in a crazy-like Tilt-a-whirl. She was so cute and scared! Also, made me think of that time you and I were in Seaside on the rides. The memory made me smile and think about how playful and fun life can be...whether on a tilt a whirl...or under the stars. Happy birthday, Tony. :)"
Is that okay?
If not, I could just say:
(2)
"I was just thinking about this time last year. You sent me this nice email about a meaningful experience you had with the ocean. I recently had a meaningful/sweet experience with Mary at Oaks Park. We went on some rides, including the tilt a whirl. She was so cute and scared! Made me think of when you and I were at Seaside. Hope you're having a day with good memories. Happy Birthday, Tony."
What do you think? I like the first one, but I would really appreciate your perspective. Do either work? Or none? Which do you think?
It is possible he won't reply, but I'll be okay with that. I know now, that this is important for me to at least try.
Hi Kevin,
It's been about 3.5 months since Tony and I broke up and about one month since I sent you that email wondering if I should wait to reply to his reply to my initial apology email. I have been very hesitant to send a lighthearted email to Tony (as you suggested), because I'm afraid of being rejected and being perceived as the pathetic one initiating contact (he hasn't reached out at all except in response to me that time and a few other times before that). I've gotten advice from friends who say-"Give him space and leave him alone. Work on yourself. He's not well enough for you." I agree with them a bit and do feel closer to a place where I don't feel that desperate for him (sort of like "what will be will be"). In a way, I also began to realize I am a stronger, healthier, more attractive and more intelligent person than he is. I don't mean this to be unkind--he just seems immature (even though he also has wonderful qualities too). I just have worked so hard on my insecurity and his reply message gave me the impression that he's still the same. Still, I deeply care about him and do still want to be near/close to him. My struggle is that I am not sure what to do. I realize that if I was the person who was the "primary" damager (through my insecurity/jealousy/anger) of the relationship, than the onus is really on me to salvage things. However, I am not sure how to initiate contact and not sure if I should try. If he wants me, wouldn't he initiate? I also don't want to be perceived as pathetic. But, I also worry that after 3.5 months...he's probably over me and doesn't want to hear from me? What kind of text would you send? Would you advise me to just get over it and move on?
So, I noticed on his Facebook that he took down one pic from his timeline that was of us together at a party. Very cute pic and was the first pic that really showed us as a couple. I have a feeling he did it so it didn't show up in his top 9 photos sidebar... I am not sure why, though? And, why now? (after that email he sent). I feel sad about it. It seems like a sign that maybe he is really trying to move on and not think about me? But why just the one photo? I wonder if I should just lose hope? I'm not sure what to think or do? Any advice?
No harm at all.
No harm at all.
No harm at all.
I know you recommended texting him, but I still haven't. It seems like he wants space, so shouldn't I honor that? I am not sure what to do. It seems like texting would be clingy and also dishonor his need to figure out "what's up and what's down." I was thinking of waiting a couple more weeks... What do you think? Any harm in that?
I know you recommended texting him, but I still haven't. It seems like he wants space, so shouldn't I honor that? I am not sure what to do. It seems like texting would be clingy and also dishonor his need to figure out "what's up and what's down." I was thinking of waiting a couple more weeks... What do you think? Any harm in that?
I recommend no contact again for a week (or two) then text him. This time, keep things light and fun.
Kevin, could you please elaborate on what indifference really means? My boyfriend of 8 yrs told me a few months ago he felt numb toward me, due to all the frequent fights we've been having, and he's hurt and can't open himself to me. He broke up with me a few weeks ago after we had another big fight, saying we should take some time away from each other, and moved out the next day. I begged him to come back a few days after that but he refuses, saying he does not feel anything toward me anymore and wants a fresh start, and I should get over him. He also said a relationship cannot work without trust (he thinks I am insecure because I can't trust him to love me). We spent 2 weeks not talking to each other (he was traveling), but when he came to move his things out last week, we had a meal out and conversed casually (with many jokes), after which we moved things to his new place (though I had to ask 4 times before he accepted my help). We were comfortable in each other's company during that time, but he didn't want to hug me when I left, even though he walked me down and even asked if I needed help with this small light box I was carrying. When I asked him how he felt the day after that, he said he does not love me anymore, and only sees me as a friend, whom he is very comfortable with and cares about. Our interaction felt neutral to him, just like another friend passing by. He said that he is lonely but does not miss me particularly. Moreover he said that he has moved on, and I should too. He said he still feels hurt from everything and does not want to be hurt anymore. He even said that he had no intention of me moving in with him at all (I joked about it when we moved things to his place), and that joke was awkward. At my suggestion (after I cried on the phone), we agreed to not contact each other until we have both healed, and he quickly hung up. From everything he has said, is he simply being polite and already indifferent to me, and truly moved on? I am going to spend the NC period finding myself and becoming a better woman, but I am concerned that there isn't any hope left... Thanks for your help..
Hey Natalie,
From what you said, it seems he isn't indifferent, he has just put up a wall. I think there is hope and it's at least worth giving a shot after no contact is over.
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I forgot to mention that I'm 28 and he's 30 this year. Also, I will be leaving the country to Asia in maybe 6 or 9 months, and he has brought up the point, 3 weeks before our breakup, that we would not survive the long-distance (which can well be over 2 years, even 5), given how he felt about me, and that he didn't want to be lonely for so long. I don't know if time is on my side, but I will endure it and give it another shot with Ryan's plan after the NC. If any of these extra details may change your analysis, please let me know. In any case, I really appreciated your reply.
Kevin, I have been wondering. Does the fact that my ex and I agreed not to contact each other change the effectiveness of the no-contact period? It has been a week since our agreement.
Also, how much of my new life (me learning something new, having fun with friends) should I reveal on social media, without making him feel like I am trying too hard to put up a happy front? Or should I try to keep off social media for now? He recently 'liked' one of my album uploads, but maybe I should not think too much into it? Thanks..
I don't think it will lessen the effectiveness of no contact too much. The main objective of no contact is to concentrate on yourself and make a lot of positive changes in your life, and those changes will still make your ex attracted to you after no contact. As for social media, if you've always shared your life on social media, then it wouldn't seem like you are doing it just to show him. On the other hand, if you weren't always active on facebook, then don't suddenly start posting a happy picture every hour.
Sorry I keep leaving comments here, I was reading more of your blogposts and realized I did something really grave when he broke up with me. What if I had verbally abused him (blaming him for not putting in effort, using the F-word, which I never use and he absolutely hates), and then told him to move out the next day? I think he was quite affected by the latter as well, as he did mention at a later conversation that he moved out because I 'chased him out'. (even though he was the one who first came up with the idea when he broke up with me)
Did I kill my chances of getting him back, and is a 30-day period long enough? This is also considering he had started to feel numb toward me since a few months ago... and 2 weeks of traveling had not made him feel any different toward me after we broke up.
And during the first week of NC, I was sharing quite a few self-lifting Facebook articles about becoming more positive. Would it appear to him as excessive and a sign of not being able to let go? Maybe I should stop and write it in a private blog instead?
Don't worry about the FB thing. Even if it's excessive, as long as you are sharing a positive message, it won't do any harm. And whatever damage you did during the breakup, will be forgiven and forgotten with time.
Don't worry about the FB thing. Even if it's excessive, as long as you are sharing a positive message, it won't do any harm. And whatever damage you did during the breakup, will be forgiven and forgotten with time.
Don't worry about the FB thing. Even if it's excessive, as long as you are sharing a positive message, it won't do any harm. And whatever damage you did during the breakup, will be forgiven and forgotten with time.
Don't worry about the FB thing. Even if it's excessive, as long as you are sharing a positive message, it won't do any harm. And whatever damage you did during the breakup, will be forgiven and forgotten with time.
Don't worry about the FB thing. Even if it's excessive, as long as you are sharing a positive message, it won't do any harm. And whatever damage you did during the breakup, will be forgiven and forgotten with time.
Don't worry about the FB thing. Even if it's excessive, as long as you are sharing a positive message, it won't do any harm. And whatever damage you did during the breakup, will be forgiven and forgotten with time.
I don't think it will lessen the effectiveness of no contact too much. The main objective of no contact is to concentrate on yourself and make a lot of positive changes in your life, and those changes will still make your ex attracted to you after no contact. As for social media, if you've always shared your life on social media, then it wouldn't seem like you are doing it just to show him. On the other hand, if you weren't always active on facebook, then don't suddenly start posting a happy picture every hour.
Sorry I keep leaving comments here, I was reading more of your blogposts and realized I did something really grave when he broke up with me. What if I had verbally abused him (blaming him for not putting in effort, using the F-word, which I never use and he absolutely hates), and then told him to move out the next day? I think he was quite affected by the latter as well, as he did mention at a later conversation that he moved out because I 'chased him out'. (even though he was the one who first came up with the idea when he broke up with me)
Did I kill my chances of getting him back, and is a 30-day period long enough? This is also considering he had started to feel numb toward me since a few months ago... and 2 weeks of traveling had not made him feel any different toward me after we broke up.
And during the first week of NC, I was sharing quite a few self-lifting Facebook articles about becoming more positive. Would it appear to him as excessive and a sign of not being able to let go? Maybe I should stop and write it in a private blog instead?
I don't think it will lessen the effectiveness of no contact too much. The main objective of no contact is to concentrate on yourself and make a lot of positive changes in your life, and those changes will still make your ex attracted to you after no contact. As for social media, if you've always shared your life on social media, then it wouldn't seem like you are doing it just to show him. On the other hand, if you weren't always active on facebook, then don't suddenly start posting a happy picture every hour.
Sorry I keep leaving comments here, I was reading more of your blogposts and realized I did something really grave when he broke up with me. What if I had verbally abused him (blaming him for not putting in effort, using the F-word, which I never use and he absolutely hates), and then told him to move out the next day? I think he was quite affected by the latter as well, as he did mention at a later conversation that he moved out because I 'chased him out'. (even though he was the one who first came up with the idea when he broke up with me)
Did I kill my chances of getting him back, and is a 30-day period long enough? This is also considering he had started to feel numb toward me since a few months ago... and 2 weeks of traveling had not made him feel any different toward me after we broke up.
And during the first week of NC, I was sharing quite a few self-lifting Facebook articles about becoming more positive. Would it appear to him as excessive and a sign of not being able to let go? Maybe I should stop and write it in a private blog instead?
I don't think it will lessen the effectiveness of no contact too much. The main objective of no contact is to concentrate on yourself and make a lot of positive changes in your life, and those changes will still make your ex attracted to you after no contact. As for social media, if you've always shared your life on social media, then it wouldn't seem like you are doing it just to show him. On the other hand, if you weren't always active on facebook, then don't suddenly start posting a happy picture every hour.
Sorry I keep leaving comments here, I was reading more of your blogposts and realized I did something really grave when he broke up with me. What if I had verbally abused him (blaming him for not putting in effort, using the F-word, which I never use and he absolutely hates), and then told him to move out the next day? I think he was quite affected by the latter as well, as he did mention at a later conversation that he moved out because I 'chased him out'. (even though he was the one who first came up with the idea when he broke up with me)
Did I kill my chances of getting him back, and is a 30-day period long enough? This is also considering he had started to feel numb toward me since a few months ago... and 2 weeks of traveling had not made him feel any different toward me after we broke up.
And during the first week of NC, I was sharing quite a few self-lifting Facebook articles about becoming more positive. Would it appear to him as excessive and a sign of not being able to let go? Maybe I should stop and write it in a private blog instead?
I don't think it will lessen the effectiveness of no contact too much. The main objective of no contact is to concentrate on yourself and make a lot of positive changes in your life, and those changes will still make your ex attracted to you after no contact. As for social media, if you've always shared your life on social media, then it wouldn't seem like you are doing it just to show him. On the other hand, if you weren't always active on facebook, then don't suddenly start posting a happy picture every hour.
Sorry I keep leaving comments here, I was reading more of your blogposts and realized I did something really grave when he broke up with me. What if I had verbally abused him (blaming him for not putting in effort, using the F-word, which I never use and he absolutely hates), and then told him to move out the next day? I think he was quite affected by the latter as well, as he did mention at a later conversation that he moved out because I 'chased him out'. (even though he was the one who first came up with the idea when he broke up with me)
Did I kill my chances of getting him back, and is a 30-day period long enough? This is also considering he had started to feel numb toward me since a few months ago... and 2 weeks of traveling had not made him feel any different toward me after we broke up.
And during the first week of NC, I was sharing quite a few self-lifting Facebook articles about becoming more positive. Would it appear to him as excessive and a sign of not being able to let go? Maybe I should stop and write it in a private blog instead?
Kevin, I have been wondering. Does the fact that my ex and I agreed not to contact each other change the effectiveness of the no-contact period? It has been a week since our agreement.
Also, how much of my new life (me learning something new, having fun with friends) should I reveal on social media, without making him feel like I am trying too hard to put up a happy front? Or should I try to keep off social media for now? He recently 'liked' one of my album uploads, but maybe I should not think too much into it? Thanks..
Kevin, I have been wondering. Does the fact that my ex and I agreed not to contact each other change the effectiveness of the no-contact period? It has been a week since our agreement.
Also, how much of my new life (me learning something new, having fun with friends) should I reveal on social media, without making him feel like I am trying too hard to put up a happy front? Or should I try to keep off social media for now? He recently 'liked' one of my album uploads, but maybe I should not think too much into it? Thanks..
Kevin, I have been wondering. Does the fact that my ex and I agreed not to contact each other change the effectiveness of the no-contact period? It has been a week since our agreement.
Also, how much of my new life (me learning something new, having fun with friends) should I reveal on social media, without making him feel like I am trying too hard to put up a happy front? Or should I try to keep off social media for now? He recently 'liked' one of my album uploads, but maybe I should not think too much into it? Thanks..
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I forgot to mention that I'm 28 and he's 30 this year. Also, I will be leaving the country to Asia in maybe 6 or 9 months, and he has brought up the point, 3 weeks before our breakup, that we would not survive the long-distance (which can well be over 2 years, even 5), given how he felt about me, and that he didn't want to be lonely for so long. I don't know if time is on my side, but I will endure it and give it another shot with Ryan's plan after the NC. If any of these extra details may change your analysis, please let me know. In any case, I really appreciated your reply.
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I forgot to mention that I'm 28 and he's 30 this year. Also, I will be leaving the country to Asia in maybe 6 or 9 months, and he has brought up the point, 3 weeks before our breakup, that we would not survive the long-distance (which can well be over 2 years, even 5), given how he felt about me, and that he didn't want to be lonely for so long. I don't know if time is on my side, but I will endure it and give it another shot with Ryan's plan after the NC. If any of these extra details may change your analysis, please let me know. In any case, I really appreciated your reply.
Hey Natalie,
From what you said, it seems he isn't indifferent, he has just put up a wall. I think there is hope and it's at least worth giving a shot after no contact is over.
A girl has given me break-up 2 weeks ago after about 3 months of being together. On the day I proposed her, she told me her story: "I was in love with you while we were in high school, about 6-7 years back. Knowing that you were in love with a different girl, I used to get so much hurt. However, that feeling was completely gone about five years back. I fell in love with a guy after that, but we broke up, about 3 years back. Now I am sorry to say I don't have feelings of love anymore. I could not love you back. I know you are a great guy but perhaps I am not lucky enough to live with you. That's why all these things are happening to me." Our conversation had ended in a positive note, wishing each other best wishes for life, because both of us know that we are good people. We have been friends for almost 8-9 years.
I think she is still hiding many things. I feel that she does not love me because of her previous experience with me: she had felt so much when she knew that I used to love (it was just a crush I would say, not love) a "different girl". But the truth is I had never known her love towards me. Moreover, I stopped thinking about this "different girl" about 5 years back. And somewhere in my heart, I started loving the girl I love currently. But I never gathered courage to speak about this. I never fell in love with any other girl after wards, but kept on loving her secretly hoping that one day I would be able to tell her my story.
Two days back, I again contacted her on Facebook, because we live in different countries. She looked really sad at that fact that she has hurt me. She told me she is not in love with anyone when I asked her current status. Then I told her that I will ask her feelings towards me time and again, and only when enough becomes enough, and when my heart breaks completely I will try to stop thinking about her. I also told her: "I want to learn so much by being hurt or I want to live with you forever. Please give me one of these two things." She told "I can't hurt you that much, nor can I say I can live with you forever. Please give me some more time." I was happy at the last statement she made. She also suggested to switch the topic. This tells that she feels hurt when she thinks about my love story.
Good thing so far is both of us respect each other so much. Neither of us have spoken bad words against each other. She responds to every message I write. But she is almost never the one to write me first. What is the best thing to do at the moment?
It's a perfect moment to start no contact and follow the plan.
Kevin,
And how long do you think would be the right period of no contact? I am thinking of 1.5 months.
Sounds good.
Sounds good.
Sounds good.
Sounds good.
Kevin,
Thanks for your response. I have a specific question: What does she mean to imply by telling me that she does not want to hurt me more? Could she have a boy friend and thinking as an option?
It could mean a lot of thing. Perhaps when you talk to her, she can sense you are hurt and needy and it makes her feel guilty. It could also mean what you said. But there is no point obsessing over it. Follow the plan.
It could mean a lot of thing. Perhaps when you talk to her, she can sense you are hurt and needy and it makes her feel guilty. It could also mean what you said. But there is no point obsessing over it. Follow the plan.
It could mean a lot of thing. Perhaps when you talk to her, she can sense you are hurt and needy and it makes her feel guilty. It could also mean what you said. But there is no point obsessing over it. Follow the plan.
It could mean a lot of thing. Perhaps when you talk to her, she can sense you are hurt and needy and it makes her feel guilty. It could also mean what you said. But there is no point obsessing over it. Follow the plan.
Kevin,
And how long do you think would be the right period of no contact? I am thinking of 1.5 months.
Kevin,
Thanks for your response. I have a specific question: What does she mean to imply by telling me that she does not want to hurt me more? Could she have a boy friend and thinking as an option?
Kevin,
And how long do you think would be the right period of no contact? I am thinking of 1.5 months.
Kevin,
Thanks for your response. I have a specific question: What does she mean to imply by telling me that she does not want to hurt me more? Could she have a boy friend and thinking as an option?
It's a perfect moment to start no contact and follow the plan.
Do you get an email notice when your comment is answered?
No, you don't. Although, I think it'll be helpful. I'll look for a way to implement it on the website.
No, you don't. Although, I think it'll be helpful. I'll look for a way to implement it on the website.
What if he doesn't answer the text after the no contact?
Then you should wait a week or two and text him again. If there is still nothing, then you should seriously consider moving on.
Then you should wait a week or two and text him again. If there is still nothing, then you should seriously consider moving on.
Hi Kevin,
Which one of theses do you think I should use for my opening text. Both are real.
‘Hey, noticed your car hasn’t been outside work all week so you must be on holiday with Luca. Hope you’re enjoying it. You do anything exciting?’ or
‘Hey, When I went for a walk this week a lorry passed and went through a puddle. I got absolutely drenched. Reminded me of the last time I got really soaked when we were on the Valhalla ride at Blackpool. We all had a great time that day.’
They are both pretty good. I am leaning more towards the second one. The first one is kind of insinuating that you are looking for her car every day at work.
Yeah good point. Even though our offices are only 50 yards apart and I do!
Thanks again Kevin.
Yeah good point. Even though our offices are only 50 yards apart and I do!
Thanks again Kevin.
Yeah good point. Even though our offices are only 50 yards apart and I do!
Thanks again Kevin.
They are both pretty good. I am leaning more towards the second one. The first one is kind of insinuating that you are looking for her car every day at work.
Sorry Kevin,
Forgot to say thanks in advance.
Kevin, my ex and I just loss our child although while I was pregnant we weren't together. He says he loves me and care for me he just don't think he's in love...he wants to keep in touch. We been together off and on for 9 yrs do you think we have a chance
I think you have a chance. Read the 5 step plan.
I think you have a chance. Read the 5 step plan.
Hello Kevin,
I'm 26, she's 21. We fell in love when we were younger and moved in together fairly quickly. For almost 4 years we lived together. Unfortunately, due to bad habits like procrastination, weed and isolation our relationship flat lined. Unemployed, yet to finish my degree, and with a terrible terrible "don't care" attitude. We were always very trustful of one another, and very supportive. Eventually she got some friends, and my dumb and intoxicated ass didn't make an ounce of effort to be part of it. Even though she wanted. Her family is complicated, and the way I handled that was to not be part of it. Honestly I became part of nothing. Our sexual life faded. 2 weeks ago I noticed something was off and I wanted her to talk to me about it. Well she put it in pretty simple terms, told me we weren't good for each other and that she didn't love me anymore. Nobody saw it coming, except her.
My initial reaction was of desperation. I embarrassed myself. She spent with me the night, and left me in the morning. I called her for one more embarrassing moment. Then I stopped, I re-collected myself. My sister who is a long time friend of her, talked with her. And well I have to say I understand why she would leave me. I wasn't good for myself either. I didn't call her anymore, and put it upon myself to bring change. In the last two weeks I've been applying everyday for jobs. I've cut my hair and shaved my hobo beard. Put on some attractive clothes instead of looking like a slacker. I wake up early, clean, cook and I no longer spend my time stoned like we used to. I've gone out with friends, and I'm going back to college to finish my degree. We adopted a cat and a dog together when we were together. She's an animal's person. I love animals too, with special feeling towards our own. She contacted me to say that she still wanted to play her part in the responsability towards the cat, that lives with me. I told her that I loved our dog and still wanted to be with her (the dog). She was more than open to the situation. She brought her to me, had coffee and talked very very casual stuff. I didn't want her to think I was only changing because of her, so I didn't sell myself. Yesterday I brought her back to her, she was having coffee with girl friends. She didn't want me to meet her at the coffee shop though, and I guess that made me feel a bit insecure about who else was there. I kept my cool though. My gf and her friends always thought me attractive, and so I presented myself cleaned up and confident. She didn't seem to want to avoid eye contact with me, and I must say I felt a warmth from her even though I didn't act on it. Without me asking she told me that I could come get our dog to be with me after tomorrow. She told me that tuesday she would walk the dogs of the shelter, and so to bring her back to her by then. I have a much clearer mind about myself, about our relationship. I do love her with all my heart, and the last thing I want is to lose her forever. I'm keeping my distance, and I don't call her or talk to her about my life right now. I want to be someone who is good for her and for myself, and I want us to get back together without the mistakes of the past. This is where I ask you for help Kevin. I understand I'm not the only one, and don't know when you will be able to see this. But I ask your help, to shine a bit of your light on my situation. Should I propose to go with her and her friends on the dog walk tuesday? To show her that I'm willing to be part of her world? I'm divided and unsure about what's the best thing to do. I don't want my desire to be with her to ruin my chances. I don't want my love for her to prevent me from making the smart choice.
Please help me. Thank you Kevin.
Hey Carlos,
I think it's a little too soon to try to get close to her. You should stay limited contact (like you are right now) for at least three more weeks. After that, start texting her more, and then eventually ask her out. If you think you need a little bit of no contact, then implement no contact instead of limited contact for the next three weeks. I think you are handling the breakup very well and you have a good chance of getting back with her. All the best.
Hey Carlos,
I think it's a little too soon to try to get close to her. You should stay limited contact (like you are right now) for at least three more weeks. After that, start texting her more, and then eventually ask her out. If you think you need a little bit of no contact, then implement no contact instead of limited contact for the next three weeks. I think you are handling the breakup very well and you have a good chance of getting back with her. All the best.
Kevin,
Do you have any happy or success stories of people getting back together after following this 5-step plan? I'm a firm believer of time and patience always when it comes to these types of situations.
Yes, it's here.
Yes, it's here.
Hi Kevin,
Just came across your site and seen everything I have done wrong in the past 4 years. Here is my situation.
My ex-wife broke it off 4 years ago due to our relationship turning abusive once. We have a 5 year old child and I have been trying to get back together since begging and keep contacting her and yeah you could say drunken texts, bombarding, stalking etc etc... Never once gone more than a week of no contact as I did not know your rule.
She did start seeing someone just before we divorced, classic rebound and even told me she wasn't that interested, but I did turn jealous and told her how useless that guy was and to break it off. They have been together since.
As we have a daughter we have to be in touch to arrange times for me to see her etc... What do you recommend for my case, 30 or more days of no contact? Any help would be appreciated.
Wish I found your site 4 years ago.
Thanks
Definitely apply no contact. Also, if she has been seeing that guy for a long time now, then it might not be a rebound. You have been pursuing her for a long time now. I'll recommend you just try getting back with her once and if it doesn't work, you should concentrate on moving on.
Thanks Kevin. How long should I apply no contact?
Considering you've been in contact for 4 years, I'll recommend at least two months.
Considering you've been in contact for 4 years, I'll recommend at least two months.
Considering you've been in contact for 4 years, I'll recommend at least two months.
Considering you've been in contact for 4 years, I'll recommend at least two months.
Thanks Kevin. How long should I apply no contact?
Thanks Kevin. How long should I apply no contact?
Definitely apply no contact. Also, if she has been seeing that guy for a long time now, then it might not be a rebound. You have been pursuing her for a long time now. I'll recommend you just try getting back with her once and if it doesn't work, you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Kevin
My NC period of 30 days is over with my ex. We have been broken up for at least a month. After about a week and a half of the break up he starts seeing a girl whom he asked me not to talk to because he feels that I shouldn't associate myself with her. He also seems like he is going out of his way to rub this new relationship in my face (which frankly is really immature or a cry for attention) I know and everyone is assuring me that it is a rebound relationship. We eventually broke up because I asked him for a little space (i asked him twice for space) because I was going through a medical crises and but I never told him about this crises. When I told him that he said he cant do a halfway thing and broke up with me. After the NC period I contacted him and told him what had happened. All he said was he doesn't want to argue and he doesn't understand why I didn't tell him. I politely said I had a different approach to dealing with these things but honestly it seemed like he didn't care (he did say he's glad that I'm better and hopes I'm recovering well). We sometimes chat and its very neutral from both sides because I'm not sure what to do because I know he is still dating this girl. We were dating and seeing each other for roughly 5-6 months. He also has this policy that he never goes back. Which he wavered for me once when I first asked him for space which he called and said that he doesn't want to be away from me. We had a serious relationship where he met my family and I met some of his. He would also tell me things like I was different and he never had a relationship like this before.
I'm not sure what to do. I do love him very much and I do want to be with him but how do I take it from here? Because he clearly seems indifferent
It's been about 6 weeks since our break up.
I think you should apply no contact again. For around three weeks. And then contact him as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
I think you should apply no contact again. For around three weeks. And then contact him as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin
I really liked and like u sad after reading you're article it makes sense. But i made all those 5 mistakes more than once. I want you're opinion ony situation. So we weren't togheter for that long 6 months it was and plus we are very different, im abit serious have a serious jon and she's outgoing and that was the reason for the breakup. But for the time we were together she sad she loves me and kids and living togheter so no doubt she did love me iguess? And one of the reason for to be with her was that she would change me to be a bit more outgoing. She asked me too go out with her but i blew it always.
After the breakup i allready made all those mistakes and allready made the no rule (before reading your article) and i allready had my rebound and she knows about it and it doesnt bother her at all. Also we both hang around in the same bar but with different bunch of people. Should i avoid going there?
Hope to get your answer because reading your article i allready fell a bit better.
If you enjoy going to that bar, don't avoid going there.
Hey Kevin
I have been in a Deep relationship for 3 years with a guy CRAZY about me his family loves me all his friends like me its a distance relationship but few months i will be going back permanantly! I have alot of arguments with him because he is always working and has no time for me so I keep breakin up the last break up lasted 4 days and I missed him so I contacted him he said those days made me realise If I still loved you I couldnt believe him cuz iknow him he would Die for me His love for me wasnt normal! He seen me beeing hysterical crying he started crying and said plz stop I love u with All my heart! After 2 weeks eventhough our comvos are exaclty like before so perfect cuz I love him dearly I felt when he said I loveyou somethingwasnt right! So iasked him and he said the truth is there is no feelings I have been trying these 2 weeks so muvh to feel it again but there isnt anything:( I was very cool i said thats okay :) Its nt in your hands He kept sayin sorry plz contact me if you need anything!! I said its okay I wont need anything am a strong woman :) he said you are the strongest woman i met and no girl is like you! But plzzz contact me if u want anything you know where to find me! I didnt reply and it has been 3 weeks today No contact! He has been turning his watsapp last seen on n off very strangley but He left me beyond confused plz Give me suggestions!
Hey,
Send him the letter after at least 3 more weeks of no contact. If his love for you was as much crazy as you said it was, it might not have been love at all. It might just have been an obsession and he might have gotten over that obsession.
Hey,
Send him the letter after at least 3 more weeks of no contact. If his love for you was as much crazy as you said it was, it might not have been love at all. It might just have been an obsession and he might have gotten over that obsession.
Hey,
Send him the letter after at least 3 more weeks of no contact. If his love for you was as much crazy as you said it was, it might not have been love at all. It might just have been an obsession and he might have gotten over that obsession.
Hey,
Send him the letter after at least 3 more weeks of no contact. If his love for you was as much crazy as you said it was, it might not have been love at all. It might just have been an obsession and he might have gotten over that obsession.
Okey thanks Kevin
Do u maybe have any idea on what i should do? I will follow all ur steps and everything. Should i unfriend her on Facebook. She is always posting how happy. Well that hurts cause she never posted something like this when we were together? Why wasnt she bothered with me having a girl?
Thank Kevin in advance
Hey Kevin
I have been in a Deep relationship for 3 years with a guy CRAZY about me his family loves me all his friends like me its a distance relationship but few months i will be going back permanantly! I have alot of arguments with him because he is always working and has no time for me so I keep breakin up the last break up lasted 4 days and I missed him so I contacted him he said those days made me realise If I still loved you I couldnt believe him cuz iknow him he would Die for me His love for me wasnt normal! He seen me beeing hysterical crying he started crying and said plz stop I love u with All my heart! After 2 weeks eventhough our comvos are exaclty like before so perfect cuz I love him dearly I felt when he said I loveyou somethingwasnt right! So iasked him and he said the truth is there is no feelings I have been trying these 2 weeks so muvh to feel it again but there isnt anything:( I was very cool i said thats okay :) Its nt in your hands He kept sayin sorry plz contact me if you need anything!! I said its okay I wont need anything am a strong woman :) he said you are the strongest woman i met and no girl is like you! But plzzz contact me if u want anything you know where to find me! I didnt reply and it has been 3 weeks today No contact! He has been turning his watsapp last seen on n off very strangley but He left me beyond confused plz Give me suggestions!
Okey thanks Kevin
Do u maybe have any idea on what i should do? I will follow all ur steps and everything. Should i unfriend her on Facebook. She is always posting how happy. Well that hurts cause she never posted something like this when we were together? Why wasnt she bothered with me having a girl?
Thank Kevin in advance
Hey Kevin
I have been in a Deep relationship for 3 years with a guy CRAZY about me his family loves me all his friends like me its a distance relationship but few months i will be going back permanantly! I have alot of arguments with him because he is always working and has no time for me so I keep breakin up the last break up lasted 4 days and I missed him so I contacted him he said those days made me realise If I still loved you I couldnt believe him cuz iknow him he would Die for me His love for me wasnt normal! He seen me beeing hysterical crying he started crying and said plz stop I love u with All my heart! After 2 weeks eventhough our comvos are exaclty like before so perfect cuz I love him dearly I felt when he said I loveyou somethingwasnt right! So iasked him and he said the truth is there is no feelings I have been trying these 2 weeks so muvh to feel it again but there isnt anything:( I was very cool i said thats okay :) Its nt in your hands He kept sayin sorry plz contact me if you need anything!! I said its okay I wont need anything am a strong woman :) he said you are the strongest woman i met and no girl is like you! But plzzz contact me if u want anything you know where to find me! I didnt reply and it has been 3 weeks today No contact! He has been turning his watsapp last seen on n off very strangley but He left me beyond confused plz Give me suggestions!
Okey thanks Kevin
Do u maybe have any idea on what i should do? I will follow all ur steps and everything. Should i unfriend her on Facebook. She is always posting how happy. Well that hurts cause she never posted something like this when we were together? Why wasnt she bothered with me having a girl?
Thank Kevin in advance
If you enjoy going to that bar, don't avoid going there.
Hi Kevin, Im going to try to make this as short as possible. I dated a guy for 7 months and we was very happy for 6 months. We took care of each other and made sure we was alright. When we both started we had our hearts broken from a previous relationships and it was the first time each one of us gave each other a chance in love in over 2 years. I knew I was healed from my previous relationship when we started dating and I thought he was on the same page as me. Well I was wrong after 6 months of dating he tells me that he still loves his ex-girlfriend and that I helped him heal the pain he had and that he got in contact with her.
We had a big argument because I really thought we was on the same page and that's when I realized that I had feelings for him. Then we spoke about it and he said he was just letting me know how he feels but he had no intentions of hurting me and letting me go. He always told me how he liked everything about me, how awesome I was and that he loves me the way I am.
But he was thinking about working things out with the girl that cheated on him like crazy! (Because Im not stupid and I knew he had a plan) Since that moment I started taking steps back little by little to prepare myself to let go. Well since he told me that he didn't give me that attention that he was giving me before the text was less, but he was calling me more and when we saw each other he was more loving and attentive to my needs in anything that I needed which had me confused. Well right before his birthday his ex-girlfriend decided that she wants him back, but he didn't tell me. And then his birthday weekend was coming which he had plans to party out of town.
I wasn't part of the plan but I acted like nothing. The day before his birthday weekend we spent the night together and had an amazing time, he tells me that his birthday was going to suck because he wasn't going to see me and I stood quite because I knew something was up. So I decided to play stupid. (Ming you that Valentines day was a week before his birthday, which he found my work address and sent me flowers and we had an amazing Valentines day.) Then his birthday weekend came and he didn't even bother to text me once, not even drunk when he always texts me drunk without missing a beat. So that confirm my suspicions... He came back from his trip and after days I text him if he was ok, he said yes and that he saw somethings that he wanted to buy for me and how he was going to help with the vacation that I needed so much.
When I last saw him it was the weekend after his birthday, he stood with me and I had intentions of confronting him about his birthday because my gut feeling told me he spent his birthday with his ex-girlfriend. But I totally shut down to the point that I couldn't allowed him to touch me because I felt it so strong. And ever since that last time I saw him I walked away without telling him that I did and today makes almost 2 months of that. I had to walk away I wasn't going to allow him to see my emotions. He works with one of my good friends and he has told her that he has no clue why Im ignoring him that he hopes Im ok because I have health issues and he really concerned, he also said that he's really hurt of me disappearing that way I did and that he really misses me a lot to the point he cant get me out of his head and that he has feelings for me. He also told her that after his birthday he was confuse and didn't know what he was going to do with me. Well I don't know how true is that because a week later that I walk away he got officially back with his ex girlfriend and the idiot doesn't know that I know everything.
I did the no contact rule for a month and after him calling me and texting me here and there, I replied after he wrote that he doesn't know why I'm ignoring him and that he assume that Im cutting him completely out of my life and that it will the last time I will hear from him, so I waited 2 hours and replied that I been busy with work, therapy and I been taking sometime to myself. After that he told my friend that how come he had to threaten me to get a response.
I got so mad that I blocked him from my phone and e-mail. All this time since I walked away I been focusing on myself, I feel much better, I been enjoying myself and open to meeting new people, I'm taking a vacation next week and I don't regret walking away because its my time and its about me now. Do I miss him? Yes I do but I was single for a long time before him and I can do it again. Do I want him back? yes I do Why? Because he was really good to me and was there for me with my health issues and always made sure I was ok. Im almost 40 and at my age I'm not looking for the love of my life, I''m looking for someone who can understand me and accept me for who I am and he did. What I don't know is should I unblock him and allow him to contact me and tell him the reason why I walked away when Im ready, because Im not yet. Then again I ask myself how happy can he be if his wondering about me and cant get me out of his mind when supposedly his happy that he's back with the love of his life. Kevin please let me know what to do? Do you think I still have a chance? Do you think I should tell him why I walked away?
I do think you should get back in touch with him and tell him why you walked away. If things don't work out, at least you can close this chapter and move on.
I do think you should get back in touch with him and tell him why you walked away. If things don't work out, at least you can close this chapter and move on.
I have been married over 18 years. My husband decided to pack his things while I was at work one day and leave. A week later, he started talking to another woman and 3 weeks after that or so he moved in with her. He says he loves me and he always will. WTF is going on?!?
Could it be midlife crisis? Your guess is as good as mine Jessi.
Could it be midlife crisis? Your guess is as good as mine Jessi.
Hey Kevin,
My girlfriend just broke up with my 2 days ago. I am devastated. We were together for a year and 2 months. I did all the don't i wasn't suppose to do. She absolutely irritated with me. I cheated on her twice and there fore she has had it. We tried to repair everything even after I came out and told her about my infidelity. I don't get it, I was honest, I told her I cheated on her instead of her finding out. I am trying to be a better person. I am going to do the 30 days no contact. She says she doesn't like girls anymore and that she is over our relationship and is over me too. She says that she does still care about me though. She called me yesterday and said the care she has for me is like for instance if I got hit by a car she'd care. Do you think she really means this or is in denial because of everything and the hurt I have caused her? She hurt my as well but never cheated, well that I know of. What should I do? Do you think I stand a chance again?
She is probably putting up a wall and trying to avoid facing her true feelings. She is definitely hurt from the breakup. You should follow the plan and you do have a chance.
Okay I was thinking instead of a month to contact her in three weeks.. What do you think ? And thank you for taking the time to reply to these. I'm so nervous. I'm going to try not to get my hopes up.. I just feel like she doesn't care.. We were together for a year and a couple months .. Idk why she isn't acting as hurt as I am..
Use the checklist at the beginning of step 4. If by three weeks you satisfy all the points (other than the 30 days one), then go ahead.
Hello Kevin it's only been week and I broke the rules I sent my ex girlfriend a text message and she just wants to be friends and says she doesn't like me anymore ? But we spent a year and 2 months together, how can she be over it ? It's hard to believe but she finally unblocked me off her phone as well and I'm not texting her like crazy since we spoke last night. I want to ask her to hangout next Wednesday. I am scared she might say no. What should I do ? I don't plan on texting her til this weekend though. I don't want to be a pest and really make her run away from me. I'm glad her and I are on talking terms. What should I do ? I sent her this text last night. Was it too much or was it fine ? Please let me know your feedback thank you Kevin . Here is the text I sent her as well ! Dear Kimberley ,
Maybe you won't care about any of the things that I'm about to say and maybe they'll go into one ear out the other, but when I leave today I want to know I did every little thing possible. Months from now I don't want to have the though of "what if.." Remember when I asked you if you were looking for a relationship that day and you replied no. Yea it's funny because that day when you told me that I was so convinced to forget about you. The really funny thing is how you texted me a couple days later .. My point is who knew we would have even had a relationship together ? I sure as hell didn't. I never thought I'd ever spend a year and a couple months with such a beautiful, caring, and loving person like yourself. I'm not here to tell you about all the memories we had because you and I know they were amazing. We had our ups and downs but we kept it together while we did. I've come to terms with this break up and I've also accepted that the choices I made in our relationship were not okay. I broke every promise I made to you and to this relationship. I don't even deserve to be talking you you right now but I want you to know that through this all there has not been a day I have ever stopped loving you and whether we repair this or not you will always have a piece of my heart.
Your text was needy. I'll not recommend asking her out next Wednesday. I'll recommend you start no contact again and follow the plan this time.
Your text was needy. I'll not recommend asking her out next Wednesday. I'll recommend you start no contact again and follow the plan this time.
Your text was needy. I'll not recommend asking her out next Wednesday. I'll recommend you start no contact again and follow the plan this time.
Your text was needy. I'll not recommend asking her out next Wednesday. I'll recommend you start no contact again and follow the plan this time.
Your text was needy. I'll not recommend asking her out next Wednesday. I'll recommend you start no contact again and follow the plan this time.
Your text was needy. I'll not recommend asking her out next Wednesday. I'll recommend you start no contact again and follow the plan this time.
Hello Kevin it's only been week and I broke the rules I sent my ex girlfriend a text message and she just wants to be friends and says she doesn't like me anymore ? But we spent a year and 2 months together, how can she be over it ? It's hard to believe but she finally unblocked me off her phone as well and I'm not texting her like crazy since we spoke last night. I want to ask her to hangout next Wednesday. I am scared she might say no. What should I do ? I don't plan on texting her til this weekend though. I don't want to be a pest and really make her run away from me. I'm glad her and I are on talking terms. What should I do ? I sent her this text last night. Was it too much or was it fine ? Please let me know your feedback thank you Kevin . Here is the text I sent her as well ! Dear Kimberley ,
Maybe you won't care about any of the things that I'm about to say and maybe they'll go into one ear out the other, but when I leave today I want to know I did every little thing possible. Months from now I don't want to have the though of "what if.." Remember when I asked you if you were looking for a relationship that day and you replied no. Yea it's funny because that day when you told me that I was so convinced to forget about you. The really funny thing is how you texted me a couple days later .. My point is who knew we would have even had a relationship together ? I sure as hell didn't. I never thought I'd ever spend a year and a couple months with such a beautiful, caring, and loving person like yourself. I'm not here to tell you about all the memories we had because you and I know they were amazing. We had our ups and downs but we kept it together while we did. I've come to terms with this break up and I've also accepted that the choices I made in our relationship were not okay. I broke every promise I made to you and to this relationship. I don't even deserve to be talking you you right now but I want you to know that through this all there has not been a day I have ever stopped loving you and whether we repair this or not you will always have a piece of my heart.
Hello Kevin it's only been week and I broke the rules I sent my ex girlfriend a text message and she just wants to be friends and says she doesn't like me anymore ? But we spent a year and 2 months together, how can she be over it ? It's hard to believe but she finally unblocked me off her phone as well and I'm not texting her like crazy since we spoke last night. I want to ask her to hangout next Wednesday. I am scared she might say no. What should I do ? I don't plan on texting her til this weekend though. I don't want to be a pest and really make her run away from me. I'm glad her and I are on talking terms. What should I do ? I sent her this text last night. Was it too much or was it fine ? Please let me know your feedback thank you Kevin . Here is the text I sent her as well ! Dear Kimberley ,
Maybe you won't care about any of the things that I'm about to say and maybe they'll go into one ear out the other, but when I leave today I want to know I did every little thing possible. Months from now I don't want to have the though of "what if.." Remember when I asked you if you were looking for a relationship that day and you replied no. Yea it's funny because that day when you told me that I was so convinced to forget about you. The really funny thing is how you texted me a couple days later .. My point is who knew we would have even had a relationship together ? I sure as hell didn't. I never thought I'd ever spend a year and a couple months with such a beautiful, caring, and loving person like yourself. I'm not here to tell you about all the memories we had because you and I know they were amazing. We had our ups and downs but we kept it together while we did. I've come to terms with this break up and I've also accepted that the choices I made in our relationship were not okay. I broke every promise I made to you and to this relationship. I don't even deserve to be talking you you right now but I want you to know that through this all there has not been a day I have ever stopped loving you and whether we repair this or not you will always have a piece of my heart.
Hello Kevin it's only been week and I broke the rules I sent my ex girlfriend a text message and she just wants to be friends and says she doesn't like me anymore ? But we spent a year and 2 months together, how can she be over it ? It's hard to believe but she finally unblocked me off her phone as well and I'm not texting her like crazy since we spoke last night. I want to ask her to hangout next Wednesday. I am scared she might say no. What should I do ? I don't plan on texting her til this weekend though. I don't want to be a pest and really make her run away from me. I'm glad her and I are on talking terms. What should I do ? I sent her this text last night. Was it too much or was it fine ? Please let me know your feedback thank you Kevin . Here is the text I sent her as well ! Dear Kimberley ,
Maybe you won't care about any of the things that I'm about to say and maybe they'll go into one ear out the other, but when I leave today I want to know I did every little thing possible. Months from now I don't want to have the though of "what if.." Remember when I asked you if you were looking for a relationship that day and you replied no. Yea it's funny because that day when you told me that I was so convinced to forget about you. The really funny thing is how you texted me a couple days later .. My point is who knew we would have even had a relationship together ? I sure as hell didn't. I never thought I'd ever spend a year and a couple months with such a beautiful, caring, and loving person like yourself. I'm not here to tell you about all the memories we had because you and I know they were amazing. We had our ups and downs but we kept it together while we did. I've come to terms with this break up and I've also accepted that the choices I made in our relationship were not okay. I broke every promise I made to you and to this relationship. I don't even deserve to be talking you you right now but I want you to know that through this all there has not been a day I have ever stopped loving you and whether we repair this or not you will always have a piece of my heart.
Hello Kevin it's only been week and I broke the rules I sent my ex girlfriend a text message and she just wants to be friends and says she doesn't like me anymore ? But we spent a year and 2 months together, how can she be over it ? It's hard to believe but she finally unblocked me off her phone as well and I'm not texting her like crazy since we spoke last night. I want to ask her to hangout next Wednesday. I am scared she might say no. What should I do ? I don't plan on texting her til this weekend though. I don't want to be a pest and really make her run away from me. I'm glad her and I are on talking terms. What should I do ? I sent her this text last night. Was it too much or was it fine ? Please let me know your feedback thank you Kevin . Here is the text I sent her as well ! Dear Kimberley ,
Maybe you won't care about any of the things that I'm about to say and maybe they'll go into one ear out the other, but when I leave today I want to know I did every little thing possible. Months from now I don't want to have the though of "what if.." Remember when I asked you if you were looking for a relationship that day and you replied no. Yea it's funny because that day when you told me that I was so convinced to forget about you. The really funny thing is how you texted me a couple days later .. My point is who knew we would have even had a relationship together ? I sure as hell didn't. I never thought I'd ever spend a year and a couple months with such a beautiful, caring, and loving person like yourself. I'm not here to tell you about all the memories we had because you and I know they were amazing. We had our ups and downs but we kept it together while we did. I've come to terms with this break up and I've also accepted that the choices I made in our relationship were not okay. I broke every promise I made to you and to this relationship. I don't even deserve to be talking you you right now but I want you to know that through this all there has not been a day I have ever stopped loving you and whether we repair this or not you will always have a piece of my heart.
Use the checklist at the beginning of step 4. If by three weeks you satisfy all the points (other than the 30 days one), then go ahead.
Use the checklist at the beginning of step 4. If by three weeks you satisfy all the points (other than the 30 days one), then go ahead.
Use the checklist at the beginning of step 4. If by three weeks you satisfy all the points (other than the 30 days one), then go ahead.
Okay I was thinking instead of a month to contact her in three weeks.. What do you think ? And thank you for taking the time to reply to these. I'm so nervous. I'm going to try not to get my hopes up.. I just feel like she doesn't care.. We were together for a year and a couple months .. Idk why she isn't acting as hurt as I am..
Okay I was thinking instead of a month to contact her in three weeks.. What do you think ? And thank you for taking the time to reply to these. I'm so nervous. I'm going to try not to get my hopes up.. I just feel like she doesn't care.. We were together for a year and a couple months .. Idk why she isn't acting as hurt as I am..
She is probably putting up a wall and trying to avoid facing her true feelings. She is definitely hurt from the breakup. You should follow the plan and you do have a chance.
Hello Kevin,
First i want to tell you a big thank you for this amazing thing you are doing,freely!I need your help,since i am lost and i don't know what to do.My story is a bit long so i apologize for that.
I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 4 months.Now i am 16 years old and my,well,ex boyfriend is in his early 19.We got together when i was 15 and he was 18.He was a senior in my high school and i was a freshman.Anyways,we took our time to meet and our story was very romantic.During the first year,our relationship was amazing.Then he went in the military and he started changing,a lot.So,our problems began and we were arguing for small things.
He was very jealous of my friends,because he was ditching his,and he expected me to do the same.Most of my friends are guys,and he was very jealous over very small things,but i eliminated all the facebook comments and likes just for him and us to be ok and not fight so much.He was coming to my home but i didn't go to his very often because my father wasn't ok with it (i felt a bit uncomfortable in his house).We didn't have sex,i wasn't ready and he said that he wanted to wait because this is something that he wants to do only with me.He never had sex either.So,he told me sometimes while arguing that he wanted to break up,but he said that because he was angry,not because he meant it.So the next day or after some hours he would apologize,i would play mad for some time and then forgive him and get back together because the things we argued were silly.Anyway,his birthday were in March 31.
He told me the day before that he wanted us to have dinner in a Chinese restaurant and i said okay.That day,i called him and asked if we would meet,and he said yes but didn't know where.I told him to decide and tell me but he told me to pick a place.I told him it's your birthday,you are the one who has to pick up the place,not me.Then he started yelling at me for no reason,so i got mad and closed the phone.Then i called him again, calmly and he told me that his mother is going to cook dinner for his birthday and he asked me to go to his house.I told him that it is too serious for me to come to his house(which was a very stupid thing to say and i regretted it) and i told him to meet after his dinner.He said yes,and i told him lets meet in a cafeteria close to my house,because my dad was tired to drive me further (he doesn't let my boyfriend to come and pick me) and my boyfriend got mad because he said that we will not be doing all the time what i want!(it isn't true,i really don't do what i want all the time).I told him happy birthday and closed the phone.He didn't call me the entire day and we didn't meet at his birthday,which made me very sad..After three days,he would go on a trip for a week to his brother who is studying abroad.
He didn't call me or look for me during those 3 days,i didn't call him either because i was thinking that it was all his fault.(I have to mention that my bf has an economic problem,i never asked for expensive gifts,only for love and attention.Most of the times when we were going out,i was paying but i didn't have a problem with that.He was feeling a bit uncomfortable but i was always telling him that it was okay and that i understand)So,he went on his trip,on Saturday the 5 of April,i saw that he removed from fb that we are in a relationship,so i chatted him and asked him if we are broken up.He said yes,he told me that he didn't want to be a second choice for me and that i always put my friends first and that we didn't meet on his birthday,basically,he told me the reasons for our breaking up.I was trying to justify myself but in the end,we said goodbye through fb.
After two days,he removed our photos from fb and he put that he is in an open relationship.I couldn't believe my eyes,maybe he did that because he was mad and wanted to get me jealous i don't know.All those days i was crying and feeling depressed,couldn't eat,couldn't sleep,i thought it was all a bad dream.Then i saw a photo from a club,it was his brother with a girl from his uni,his cousin with another girl,and my bf was in the middle of his brother and cousin.I decided to click on the profile of that girl and i saw that she had a profile picture with my boyfriend!!I got so mad and jealous because his open relationship status,and then her profile,seemed like they were together! (I have to mention that my boyfriend have never had a relationship before me,he said he couldn't find a girl that suits him,until he found me.He doesn't do relationships easily).
The next day,she deleted the picture,which was very weird.I decided to send him a message,and tell him that i was ok with our break up,and i think that he was right to break up with me,and that i did a lot of mistakes and that i could have done a lot more for us,more sacrifices and that i have no hard feelings,and i hope he feels the same.I never got an answer..All these happened when he was on his trip.There was no contact after that Saturday we spoke.The day that he came back I had a chat with the boyfriend of my best friend,who happens to be a friend of my bf.He promised to go out with him and ask my bf what's going on.He asked him what happened with me and he told him the reasons of our break up.He asked him about that girl who had a profile with him (he told him that he knows all that from my best friend who is his gf).My bf told him that she was a friend of his brother and he asked him to take a photo in the club.He said ok because it was rude to say no.The next day his brother told him that,that girl put a profile pic with him (they weren't even friends on fb).
He got mad and asked her why,and she said that she has a profile with all her friends,he told her i am not your friend so remove it,and she did.He said nothing happened between them(i think that she liked him).He asked him why he didn't answer my text and he said that he had a number for that country only and he couldn't send a message to our country that's why he didn't answer (he could have answered me from fb if he wanted to but he didn't).He told him that he doesn't know what to do,that he is thinking a lot about me but he doesn't want us to meet because he knows if we meet,we will be together again.
So i decided to call him (first time we spoke after that saturday)and ask him to meet.He refused to meet with me.He told me that he had taken his decision,that he likes being alone and not being worried or getting mad about anyone. (Earlier that day he told his friend that he still loves me and misses me).I told him that i want to change a lot of things for us to be happy and i regret not meeting him on his birthday.He told me that he liked when during his trip didn't think about anyone or anything and he wants to be alone,he doesn't want a relationship ever again with anyone. I told him don't you love me? and he said it doesn't matter.I accepted it.He told me that we will talk again,and i told him you know we won't,and he said you never know.He also told me to take care and we hanged the phone.(I forgot to mention that i took some photos from school with my guy friends,some pretty close ones so i would get him to be jealous,and it worked.My friend told me that while they were in a cafe,he was on my fb profile checking my photos and getting jealous and mad.How could he tell me that he likes being calm,but 2 hours before,causing stress to his self by seeing my photos?!?).
Then later that evening,i saw that he deleted me from fb. I was mad and i called him to ask why (huge mistake),he said that he doesn't want to see my pictures,i told him you see the pictures of someone that you love and care about,you made it pretty obvious that you don't love me,or care about me,so why do you do it.I told him,i saw your picture with that slut but i didn't delete you.He asked me why and i told him because i can't delete people from my life so easily.He said i'm tired of arguing,and he hanged up the phone.Since that Sunday,we never talked.The next day,that girl uploaded the profile with him again.I had a friend of mine to add that girl that had a profile on fb with him.I saw in her fb that she put on fb that she was in a relationship on april 8,and on april 8 she had uploaded the profile picture with my boyfriend!That day my bf put the open relationship status on fb too and removed our photos.All these things match with each other really good.But,all these happened and they weren't even friends on fb.
I checked the comments on her profile,everybody asked her if he was her boyfriend but she didn't answer,she only liked the comments.My boyfriend didn't like her profile,or her relationship status or anything.As soon as he went back from his trip,he removed from his profile that he is in an open relationship and then they added each other on fb.I don't know if anything happened between them or if it's all just a coincidence. I love him badly, i want him back in my life. Is there a chance for us to be together again? What can i do? Does he miss me as much as I do? We have soo many great memories together,did he forget all of them? Will he regret his decision? He is going out clubbing now and having fun,looks like he is happy. I am going to follow your 5 step plan.I'm in day 5 of no contact.Is it going to work for me? Please give me any advice,i would mean the world to me if i had your help to get him back.I dream about him every night, i can't sleep,or eat.I feel sick without him and i'm missing him like crazy.I am going out with friends but i always miss him. PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!
Hey RD,
You do have a chance of getting him back and I'm pretty sure he is as hurt from the breakup as you are. Of course, he is not showing it and neither should you. I'll recommend you keep no contact for at least 2 months (preferably 3 months), before getting back in touch with him. The reason I say this is because you are young and I think you should learn to be happy without him before getting back in touch with him. You should also explore your options during this no contact period and realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy.
Wouldn't it be too late to contact him after 2-3 months?
Hey RD,
I said 2-3 months because to me it seems that you need that much time to stop obsessing over him and become a happy person. I assume it's your first serious breakup and you are having a hard time dealing with it. If you still want to get back together after that, I don't think it'll be too late. He is young as well and he doesn't really know how to get over a breakup either.
By the way today is Easter and everybody sends wishes like christ is risen etc, but he didn't send me a wish..should i send him? or better no?
Sorry I missed this one. I was busy for a couple of days.
Sorry I missed this one. I was busy for a couple of days.
Sorry I missed this one. I was busy for a couple of days.
Sorry I missed this one. I was busy for a couple of days.
Sorry I missed this one. I was busy for a couple of days.
Sorry I missed this one. I was busy for a couple of days.
Do you think he is going to regret his decision and contact me? What if he continues to like being alone? He is liking every single thing that girl uploads,should I be worried? She is in another country though and she doesn't like his stuff on fb.He deleted me but I can see in her pictures his likes.Does he do it to piss me off because I told him I saw his photo with her or does he like her?
Don't obsess over his actions on facebook. It might be just to make you jealous. It's very hard to say if he'll regret his decision and contact you or not. But there is a chance he will. And even if he doesn't, you should get back in touch after no contact.
Don't obsess over his actions on facebook. It might be just to make you jealous. It's very hard to say if he'll regret his decision and contact you or not. But there is a chance he will. And even if he doesn't, you should get back in touch after no contact.
Don't obsess over his actions on facebook. It might be just to make you jealous. It's very hard to say if he'll regret his decision and contact you or not. But there is a chance he will. And even if he doesn't, you should get back in touch after no contact.
Don't obsess over his actions on facebook. It might be just to make you jealous. It's very hard to say if he'll regret his decision and contact you or not. But there is a chance he will. And even if he doesn't, you should get back in touch after no contact.
Don't obsess over his actions on facebook. It might be just to make you jealous. It's very hard to say if he'll regret his decision and contact you or not. But there is a chance he will. And even if he doesn't, you should get back in touch after no contact.
Don't obsess over his actions on facebook. It might be just to make you jealous. It's very hard to say if he'll regret his decision and contact you or not. But there is a chance he will. And even if he doesn't, you should get back in touch after no contact.
By the way today is Easter and everybody sends wishes like christ is risen etc, but he didn't send me a wish..should i send him? or better no?
Do you think he is going to regret his decision and contact me? What if he continues to like being alone? He is liking every single thing that girl uploads,should I be worried? She is in another country though and she doesn't like his stuff on fb.He deleted me but I can see in her pictures his likes.Does he do it to piss me off because I told him I saw his photo with her or does he like her?
By the way today is Easter and everybody sends wishes like christ is risen etc, but he didn't send me a wish..should i send him? or better no?
Do you think he is going to regret his decision and contact me? What if he continues to like being alone? He is liking every single thing that girl uploads,should I be worried? She is in another country though and she doesn't like his stuff on fb.He deleted me but I can see in her pictures his likes.Does he do it to piss me off because I told him I saw his photo with her or does he like her?
By the way today is Easter and everybody sends wishes like christ is risen etc, but he didn't send me a wish..should i send him? or better no?
Do you think he is going to regret his decision and contact me? What if he continues to like being alone? He is liking every single thing that girl uploads,should I be worried? She is in another country though and she doesn't like his stuff on fb.He deleted me but I can see in her pictures his likes.Does he do it to piss me off because I told him I saw his photo with her or does he like her?
By the way today is Easter and everybody sends wishes like christ is risen etc, but he didn't send me a wish..should i send him? or better no?
Do you think he is going to regret his decision and contact me? What if he continues to like being alone? He is liking every single thing that girl uploads,should I be worried? She is in another country though and she doesn't like his stuff on fb.He deleted me but I can see in her pictures his likes.Does he do it to piss me off because I told him I saw his photo with her or does he like her?
Hey RD,
I said 2-3 months because to me it seems that you need that much time to stop obsessing over him and become a happy person. I assume it's your first serious breakup and you are having a hard time dealing with it. If you still want to get back together after that, I don't think it'll be too late. He is young as well and he doesn't really know how to get over a breakup either.
Hey RD,
I said 2-3 months because to me it seems that you need that much time to stop obsessing over him and become a happy person. I assume it's your first serious breakup and you are having a hard time dealing with it. If you still want to get back together after that, I don't think it'll be too late. He is young as well and he doesn't really know how to get over a breakup either.
Hey RD,
I said 2-3 months because to me it seems that you need that much time to stop obsessing over him and become a happy person. I assume it's your first serious breakup and you are having a hard time dealing with it. If you still want to get back together after that, I don't think it'll be too late. He is young as well and he doesn't really know how to get over a breakup either.
Wouldn't it be too late to contact him after 2-3 months?
Wouldn't it be too late to contact him after 2-3 months?
Hey RD,
You do have a chance of getting him back and I'm pretty sure he is as hurt from the breakup as you are. Of course, he is not showing it and neither should you. I'll recommend you keep no contact for at least 2 months (preferably 3 months), before getting back in touch with him. The reason I say this is because you are young and I think you should learn to be happy without him before getting back in touch with him. You should also explore your options during this no contact period and realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy.
I forgot to mention that his brother is 20.His brother aksed his gf of 4 years to break up because he wanted to have sex with other girls too. I don't know if he put some ideas in my bf's head or anything. BUT they are very different, my bf is much more serious person. I don't know if he told him things like, leave her she is too young, what are you doing with a young girl like this. I don't know, these are just thoughts. But i saw his fb likes in his other brother's fb,who is 23 with his gf. Does he remember me when he watches their happy couple photos? Does he miss me? Will he regret?
I think i have to mention that my bf's parents are separated.He lives with his mother who is alone (Dating guys all the time but not in a relationship) but his dad is in a relationship with another woman.He had noone to talk about his problems,only me. I was always there to listen to his problems, he had a lot of difficult moments, hard paths , a lot of difficulties but i was always there,by his side and we got through everything togetheter. Now he is completely alone.. he doesn't open to his friends, he was only saying his problems to me.
Hi Kevin, today I went to see the status of my ex-girlfriend of whatsapp and she's provoking me, with a letter of a music about betrayal, but I never betray her, and she knows that and I think she never betrayed me.
I am really confused, that's means she still likes me or she betrayed me? We don't talk five days ago and she broke with me 10 days ago. I don't want to talk her, why I am in no contact period, but I'm very curious and confused.
Thanks.
Don't obsess over it. The only reason she put it is to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her.
Don't obsess over it. The only reason she put it is to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to her.
Hey Kevin,
I was together with my ex for almost 4 years. The downhill started when my ex went to this exhange student program and went to another country. After over 1,5 months we had an argue and we didn't talk for days after that. It was the longest time we haven't been talking at all... After that when I contacted her and we sorted things out, she said that she doesn't love me in the same way anymore. She has had these feelings longer but she didn't tell me about them at all which is very wrong towards me. She will be there for 5 months and now 4 months has already passed but we broke up yesterday when she came for a visit in my country. I tried to make the day very special when we met. We had fun moments and everything but at the end of the day I asked how is she feeling about me and she answered that she thinks that I am more likely just a friend for her.......... I was just totally devastated. We broke up, but later she said that we can never know what the future will be and later added that she has feelings for me. We haven't been talking for few days after I went to her house and thanked her parents and for everything they did for me. Both of her parents cried and said I was like a family member to them.
I have been a pretty negative and insecure person because of my difficulties in life in the past 2 years. She fell in love with my because I was so positive and happy all the time. I have tried to change myself to better direction and I am slowly succeeding in that. But I guess it came too late...
This whole thing depresses me a lot. My studies have gone not so well either. We are both over 20 and study accounting and finance. I love my ex girlfriend. We shared so great memories together. Now I know what were the mistakes I made, every one of them. It just makes me miserable when I think that I could have changed everything if I would have been thinking our relationship more. Of course I am not the only one to blame. My ex girlfriend should have talked more about her feelings and not piling them inside of her.
I really want my ex girlfriend back. What are the chances? Is it even possible? I have been reading a lot of stuff and every site says different things, just makes me confused... I am sure she still loves me. I had plans for the future with her and I saw her more than just a girlfriend.
I just can't sleep because of this. I really miss her and want her back in my life. I want to fix things with her.
Yes, it's possible and you have a pretty good chance. I'll recommend you follow the plan.
Yes, it's possible and you have a pretty good chance. I'll recommend you follow the plan.
hi kevin
i and my ex is 21 year old.i had 3 year of relationship.it was going nice but from last 6-7 month we had a little misunderstanding.due to my anger i scolded her many times.but last time i made a hudge mistake,due to a lot of anger i scolded her a lot with many harse words about her parents,i also use some slang out of anger.It really hurts her.Now 4 days ago she said she can't continue relation with me,because she was emotionally hurt and was broken from heart.She also said she lost all fellings love and hopes for my love and our relation.I am trying to convince her for past 4-5 days.Every day she is replying the same thing and requesting me to go away from her life and not to contact even once.Even though i am calling and messaging to convince her, but she is niether taking my calls nor reply my messages.She is very sentimental and loves her parents a lot.But due to my mistake she left every hope of our relationship. I don't understand what to do?please say what should i do now...
Hi Kevin ,
here is my condition, my ex and i are 18 , we dated for 1 month plus (we had separate in between during that period) cause he though it was intentional love but after that he is clear that he love me. Unfortunately, he told me he cant love anyone anymore, added he doesnt deserve to love anyone and doesnt suit to be in relationship, he asked for break up like a week ago , he broke up with his in-game gf too, of course i m the real life gf. Later on ,after that i just kept asking why he cant commit in relationship and asked why we cant get back together, he said it is because during that time his friends,a couple was also getting into an argument, and he is so frustrated toward love plus i m the one who always pressure him to talk in fb .I just dont understand why he could ever let go of it , and when i asked him did he love me, he answered he did loved me , but he cant love anyone anymore, he doesnt deserve that. I just cant accept it , i still love and miss him so much, can you tell me what to do ?
You should follow the advise in the article above.
You should follow the advise in the article above.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of over 5 years just broke up with me through voice mail about a week ago. He said he wants to be friends and we've been hanging out. When we hang he still treats me the same way he did when we were together, but when I ask him if we're back together he says he just doesn't want the commitment right now. I'm really confused because I still want to be with him and he keeps sending me mixed signals, so I'm a mess. What should I do to ensure that we're going to get back together? Thanks in advance!
Dear Kev,
I m on NC for 25 days now. I told you I received a text saying he wants to call me about the money he owes and I ignored it . He has unblocked me on whatsapp recently and he has set a very cute pic there ( I was actually drooling over :p ) . Yesterday, I changed a new pic of me ( many friends told me that I look nice in it :D ) . I have received chat msges last night and he has told " Gina, You look great ! :) I want to call you about that money , juz one single time , I wont bother you again ! ". I ignored him once more, what should I say to him now? I'm so confused now. About three weeks ago he threatened to block me from everywhere ! OMG kev , your advice does wonders! Please tell me how to take this from here on wards! Shall I carry on to ignore him or shall I simply give him a chance to talk ! When we were going out,he used to make me suffer by not answering my calls. I really don't want to give anything easily to him. I miss him like crazy but I want to show him that I can stand on my feet too. :) You have been great through out and I want you to guide me through this now. Thanks a bunch Kev! You are the best!
hugs,
Gina
Continue no contact for another 5 days and then reply. If he is cold and only talks about the money, then start no contact again for two more weeks. If he is warm, then continue contact with him and let him chase you for a while.
Continue no contact for another 5 days and then reply. If he is cold and only talks about the money, then start no contact again for two more weeks. If he is warm, then continue contact with him and let him chase you for a while.
Hi Kevin
Have to say all this has helped me out so much!!. Thank you. Just have one question. So after 2 weeks no contact me an my ex reconnected. She was complimenting me, and texting me and so on. We met up and had the best time over dinner. We kissed at hers then I left. Texting me she told me she had a great time and enjoyed the kiss that it felt new..I assume that's good. So we seen each other again next day and kissed again. I havnt been doing my old needy ways of asking her back I'm just letting it flow. This was all last week. I'm seeing her tomorrow again. Just wondering what's the best course of action for me. Do I still just let it flow and continue seeing her? And what do you make of the situation. Again thanks for this
Regards
Jay
Let it flow. At least for 2-3 weeks. If she doesn't bring up the topic of getting back together till then, you should bring it up.
Let it flow. At least for 2-3 weeks. If she doesn't bring up the topic of getting back together till then, you should bring it up.
Hi Kevin,
I had a 2-month relationship with a friend of 3 years. It all happened too fast and too intense and we ended up separating after a fight. It took me 2 weeks to steady my emotions and accept the break-up without resentment. After that we were able to become friends again, exchanging messages and calls daily... hanging out every week almost. We have always enjoyed each other's company as we are into the same stuffs and most of our circles of friends overlap. However, it seems he is starting to fall for me again. When I made peace with myself after the break-up, I have decided to love him unconditionally: to give him freedom to grow and be there for him without worrying about him loving me in return. I am not sure about getting back with him because I don't know how we can avoid re-living the previous relationship. We are not able to discuss it yet. Is this unhealthy? How do I know when is the appropriate time to talk about it or get back with him?
I think it's unhealthy if it's stopping you from pursuing another relationship. I think you should discuss this with him. I guess the right time to talk about it will be whenever you feel you're ready. If you're unsure, you should take a break and ask him for some space and time.
Thank you Kevin. I think I really should take a break.
Thank you Kevin. I think I really should take a break.
Thank you Kevin. I think I really should take a break.
I think it's unhealthy if it's stopping you from pursuing another relationship. I think you should discuss this with him. I guess the right time to talk about it will be whenever you feel you're ready. If you're unsure, you should take a break and ask him for some space and time.
Hi Kevin, oh man do I need some advice!!!
After a rather rocky 2 years together, my (now ex) partner walked out on me for about the 18th time 2 weeks ago. I know I sould pathetic having taken him back over and over but each time he left it was over something ridiculous, he'd lose his temper, ignore me for a couple of weeks (I'd ignore him too) and then I'd always receive a text wanting to clear the air. This became his normal behaviour so I accepted it as part of who he was, always knowing I was the love of his life and that he'd always return. He seemed to have serious issues dealing with anything that happened that caused a bit of stress in our relationship, most times nothing major, the odd blazing row but rather than sit down, talk it through and work towards putting it right he would just run!
This time I'd been unwell for a few weeks so was quite quiet, a bit stressed with work and rundown, because I wasn't well we weren't being as close as we usually were, maybe he even felt a little pushed away? Maybe I wasn't giving him as much attention as I should? Up until the day he walked out on me he was still sending me the usual 'I love you' texts but then the evening he was due to stay he turned up, sat me down for 10 minutes and told me it wasn't working, he felt I was distancing myself from him and that it was over. I got upset and he left. I texted him asking him to please come back and sort it out (something I never did before) and got ignored. A few days later I was out and walked straight into him with another woman. I felt sick, I then found out he had sent her the exact same flowers he used to send me just the day after walking out! He seems to have thrown himself straight into another relationship but I know his love for me can't have died that quickly! How can you go from loving someone to being with someone else within days?
Although we had or ups and downs I truly, truly believe I was the love of his life, we had an intense relationship and as I know from his past history, he'd leave in anger and then once he'd calmed down would ALWAYS be back as like he'd always told me he will always love me. I am hurting so much that this time rather than deal with things and calm himself he's gone a step further by immediately dating someone else. He must feel at least some hurt that he's lost which, in the most part, was a great relationship.
I couldn't even contemplate dating someone else yet, nor for a long time, I need to heal myself first and am so utterly confused, am still in love with him and I really think deep down he must still have feelings for me as apart from me being unwell there were no rows, we still did stuff together and like I said, he was still telling me he loved me everyday. He's not been in touch at all, not even to explain, I just cannot understand his reasons for what he's done. Does he still love me and is trying to block it out by throwing himself at another woman? Or has he simply fallen out of love with me within days? Is that even possible. I miss him so much even after he's hurt me so badly. All I think about is him being all happy and loved up with his new lady and it's killing me inside. Am just looking for answers as to why he would want to hurt me so very much.
It's a rebound relationship. I don't think he wants to hurt you. I think he just doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. And yes, I think he still loves you and is definitely not over you yet.
Thanks Kevin, you have no idea how reassuring it was reading that. Am trying so hard not to keep thinking about them together but it's taking over my head constantly. I haven't contacted him since I sent quite a nasty text in anger the evening after seeing them, see, it wasn't just me that saw them, my little boy was with me and for him to show no remorse, give any explanation or even apologise for how he made us feel makes me believe he really couldn't care less for either of us and that our relationship was a sham! I could never treat anyone so bad so cannot get my head around how he could! We were his life for 2 years and now it's like we're less than nothing :(
Thanks Kevin, you have no idea how reassuring it was reading that. Am trying so hard not to keep thinking about them together but it's taking over my head constantly. I haven't contacted him since I sent quite a nasty text in anger the evening after seeing them, see, it wasn't just me that saw them, my little boy was with me and for him to show no remorse, give any explanation or even apologise for how he made us feel makes me believe he really couldn't care less for either of us and that our relationship was a sham! I could never treat anyone so bad so cannot get my head around how he could! We were his life for 2 years and now it's like we're less than nothing :(
Thanks Kevin, you have no idea how reassuring it was reading that. Am trying so hard not to keep thinking about them together but it's taking over my head constantly. I haven't contacted him since I sent quite a nasty text in anger the evening after seeing them, see, it wasn't just me that saw them, my little boy was with me and for him to show no remorse, give any explanation or even apologise for how he made us feel makes me believe he really couldn't care less for either of us and that our relationship was a sham! I could never treat anyone so bad so cannot get my head around how he could! We were his life for 2 years and now it's like we're less than nothing :(
It's a rebound relationship. I don't think he wants to hurt you. I think he just doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. And yes, I think he still loves you and is definitely not over you yet.
hey Kevin. great page you have there!!
i have followed your tips
have been over with my ex for 2 months soon.
well. the reason for the brake up was that we was looking on a house togheter, and i pulled out becuse i need to think, she have 3 kids so its not easy to move in with soneone have 3 kids, but anyway that destroyed evryting, when i was needed time and space to think, all was destroyed, so she could not trust me,, so she broke up, i used 2 weeks to figure out what i really want, i travel up to her with letter and flowers and told her what i want.
that dont helped so much she was cold against me, it was looklike she was setting up a big wall of defence,, she told me that i have to take the driverlisence (i dont have taken taht yet, im 25) she needed to see that i can do things for my self. and acting like an adult man,(sight) we could not be togheter before i have something to show her that i really doing it.
so she deletet me of facebook, that was ok becuse i was writing to her tooo much and that was stupid of me..
so i followes your step , make my facebook look fresher, so i did that with new profile picture and cover picture, and i added picutre of me with some friends to, The day after she blokcked me out, you know what is going trough her head?
i need help with my last step, i have plans to travel to her when the no contact period is over, it means in june, then it have goes 3 months last time we talked togheter.
ty for help Keven
It's OK she blocked you. It just means looking at your facebook makes her miss you and she is trying to avoid those feelings. Don't worry about that. Continue with the plan.
It's OK she blocked you. It just means looking at your facebook makes her miss you and she is trying to avoid those feelings. Don't worry about that. Continue with the plan.
hi Kevin,
first of all, thanks for always replying to my questions here..its a relief..all the time.
i have completed 30days..and during the NC period over 21days my ex texted me twice (a day after the other)..i didnt reply coz i was really doin NC very well..i replied eventually after NC period is over thus a 2days after the 30th day.. in his texts he was askin how i was doin and that he saw me somewhere..and like i said i replied acc 2 his question.. and told him i was "distracted" recently so it took me a while to reply. and thing is.. he hasnt replied at all and on whatsapp we all see when a user sees our msgs so.. How do i know what his reactions are? how do i know what his intentions are for not replying me yet? i cant tell if he is upset or what? it just puzzles me that he wont reply when he messaged me twice in the first place. I only texted once but im really worried why he wont reply back.. Hence It took me 4 days to respond due to me being in NC.
please help. Appreciate ur advices.
thank youxx
Im not the expert here but:
To be hornest, it sounds like you made him jealous.. Its usually that with guys.
As u wrote u were distracted, without mentioning what u were busy with. Its very commen to a guy to get jealous.
By that guy getting jealous somehow that cause a longer response, because he want to show a signal or he got upset.
Im not the expert here but:
To be hornest, it sounds like you made him jealous.. Its usually that with guys.
As u wrote u were distracted, without mentioning what u were busy with. Its very commen to a guy to get jealous.
By that guy getting jealous somehow that cause a longer response, because he want to show a signal or he got upset.
I am 40, have been seeing a girl (same age) for 4 months. We were very close, shared a lot, no arguments. Then out of the blue she broke it off after becoming distant because she thought I was putting too much pressure. She said she loved me but did not want to hurt me in case the relationship failed. I sent s number of texts -non begging over a 10 day period. Sent her an email saying I was disappointed she would not respond and let me know she was ok. She responded immediately but Have now instigated no contact - is this correct and how long should I leave it for.
Yes, it's correct. You should do no contact for 30 days.
Yes, it's correct. You should do no contact for 30 days.
Hello. I'm starting my no contact period today and the reason why we broke up was that i found out she was cheating. With the guy for over a year. Then again she's young an I'm 4years older an she said her mom sorta forced her to move on. We been together for almost 4 years and she always texted me saying she loved me. She said she was with the guy to have her mom get off her back about me. Then i found out an a couple of day's ago she was texting my sister an my sister made it sound like I was with her friend but she didn't mean it like that then she told my sister that I'm single. But she didn't tell my sister to tell me... but I'm guessing 5mins after that she texted me an we sent a few texts an she fell asleep. Soo idk how or what to think about this whole situation.
You should apply no contact for at least 3 months Wyatt. I know you might feel like you love her, but it will be very hard to build trust again. Her excuse for cheating on you is total BS in my opinion. And even if it's true, it's still doesn't make anything right. I am guessing you are both young so you should try to move on and find someone faithful instead of trying to get her back.
You should apply no contact for at least 3 months Wyatt. I know you might feel like you love her, but it will be very hard to build trust again. Her excuse for cheating on you is total BS in my opinion. And even if it's true, it's still doesn't make anything right. I am guessing you are both young so you should try to move on and find someone faithful instead of trying to get her back.
Me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago. She broke it off because she didn't feel that I really cared about her, which couldn't have been further from the truth I just have a bad way of expressing my feelings vocally. Plus an ex hook up of mine commented on a facebook post about a party we were both at with mutual friends which needless to say upset her, even though nothing was going on between us. We didn't talk for a week because I was mad and was on a vacation. I sent her flowers saying I missed her and wanted to work on things, she informed me that she really liked the flowers but didn't feel we should try to work things out. I stopped talking to her for 3 weeks, which is difficult to do considering we work together, and she was constantly going out of her way to walk past my desk (we work in different departments so I know it was on purpose). Out of no where she started texting me funny things over a weekend which I replied to with very short responses. That Monday morning she was waiting for me at my desk and we had a very nice conversation but nothing about us. She asked to me lunch but I told her I was busy. That wednesday I asked her to lunch we had a great time, we hung out once that weekend and had a great time. Then we went out for drinks and we were having an incredible time laughing and flirting, when I asked her what we were doing she seemed taken a back and said she wasn't sure if she wanted to work things out because she was afraid I would let her down or hurt again. I told her i don't think its a good idea for us to hang out then because I still have feelings for her. I don't know what to do because even after this shes still stopping by my desk to see me and still texting me funny little things. Sorry for the long post just very confused! Thanks
Hey Maxwell,
I'll recommend you tell her that you need some space and time and apply no contact for another 2-3 weeks. After that get back in touch and continue the texting and hanging out. This time, don't ask her about getting back together so soon. Go out with her at least 4-5 times before asking her to get back together.
Hey Maxwell,
I'll recommend you tell her that you need some space and time and apply no contact for another 2-3 weeks. After that get back in touch and continue the texting and hanging out. This time, don't ask her about getting back together so soon. Go out with her at least 4-5 times before asking her to get back together.
Me & my ex have broke up many times. We first got together when she was going through a divorce. There was a lot of hurt done to me because she kept going back to him to fix it and then back to me over and over. Finally after a few years, she was divorced and mine.
But the breakups didn't stop. We would get in a fight over something stupid and she would always break up with me. Months would go by and then she would eventually come back with I LOVE YOU and determined to make it work.
Unfortunately jealousy came back into our relationship. I slept with a girl from work during one of our many breakups. This really bothered my girlfriend even though she eventually got over it and came back after a few months. This girl from work is much younger than me and would constantly try to stay in contact with me. Unfortunately I didn't do the right thing and I didn't cut off all communication.
On a vacation trip to Las Vegas in Feb, my ex went through my phone and read the conversations. I was flirty ....I did not totally cheat but I was still carrying on a texting relationship with the co worker. My ex lost it completely and dumped me. Our communication has been very minor since. At first I wasn't bothered at all because we always break up and get back together. I thought she would get over it.
I recently found out from a friend that she is dating a recently divorced guy. My heart sank...She tried dating before and it didn't bother me but for some reason this time it hit home. She may finally be over me....our other breakups I could explain but this time she is convinced that I am a liar and a cheater...which I was.....its been over 2 months....is she finally gone for good?
Hey Brad,
I think it's too soon to say if she is gone for good. However, I will highly recommend that instead of pursuing her and getting back into this rollercoaster relationship, you start no contact and try to move on.
Hey Brad,
I think it's too soon to say if she is gone for good. However, I will highly recommend that instead of pursuing her and getting back into this rollercoaster relationship, you start no contact and try to move on.
Hi me and my girlfriend broke up about 2weeks ago maybe more after being together for a little over a month and I don't know what got her to think like that she just told me that she not ready for love and want to enjoy her life, also she is confused and doesn't want nothing to do with me. What does that mean should I just move on and accept it for what it is or just wait and see what happen without contacting her.
I think you should just move on. I think she was being honest and pursuing her more will be a waste of time.
It is what it is. It was a good run while it last. I wish it was fully explained to me what happen but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. Gotta move on now. Thanks
It is what it is. It was a good run while it last. I wish it was fully explained to me what happen but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. Gotta move on now. Thanks
It is what it is. It was a good run while it last. I wish it was fully explained to me what happen but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. Gotta move on now. Thanks
I think you should just move on. I think she was being honest and pursuing her more will be a waste of time.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex of about 8 months broke up about 2 months ago. It's a long story and I'm feeling a bit numb right now so I apologise in advance. We've known each other a very long time, since we were kids but we haven't seen each other often since we live in different countries. He said he fell in love with me the first summer he met me, we were kids, about 11/12, and we seemed to connect immediately. I never felt anything more than friendship back then because I was too young to even consider him romantically.
After that summer we saw each other again 2 years later in summer again. We hadn't really talked much since the first summer other than random calls to say happy birthday. That summer we became quite close and again there was the immediate connection and I found myself falling for him. When I came back home we both missed each other intensely and would literally sit at our computers and msg each other all day. While I visited him I was introduced to a very close friend of his and we talked on msn after I had left too, but we were not very close. I think about a month later my ex admitted he loved me and he couldn’t tell me before because his friend liked me too and he thought maybe I reciprocated those feelings. I told him I loved him too and he said he wanted to marry me one day. Quite soon after he told me it was a mistake and he didn't love me anymore. We stopped talking and we didn't see each other til 2 years later.
When I saw him again I tried not to get too close to him, but he seemed insistent on trying to spend time with me and despite my efforts to stay away we got close and we still had the same instant connection and chemistry. I had already decided that I would not get into a relationship with him because it would complicate things and so he left before we could admit our feelings. We didn't speak immediately after he left. He would still send me birthday msgs but I never really msged him, I'm not sure why.
I spoke to him again properly about 3 years later. I was sure all my feelings for him were gone and I only wanted to pursue a friendship. We connected again immediately and slowly we began to talk more and more until we were talking for hours almost everyday. My feelings for him came back almost instantly, maybe they were never really gone. I started to tell him things I'd never told anyone and he told me things as well. He would say odd things here and there which made me think maybe he did have feelings for me but I was too scared to address it so I would always turn the conversation away from it. I think about a year and a few months later, in summer I asked him if he did have feelings for me the last time he visited because we never addressed it. He admitted he did and then I asked him how he felt now and he told me he loved me. I asked him why he didn't tell me before and he said he was too afraid because he never thought he could get me. He said he was planning on making me fall madly in love with him once he visited me again. He said I was his 'dream girl' and that he has always loved me since he first saw me and that he wants to marry me one day etc etc. He's had one girlfriend but explained to me that he still liked me but never thought he could get me and had to move on so he began dating someone else. He was with her for a year and they broke up because she cheated on him.
So we started dating and we talked even more and got even closer, if that was possible. He would say all sorts of sweet things to me and told me that I should ask him anything and how I had a right a to know whenever he was out who he was with and exactly what he was doing, but I told him there was no need since I trusted him and he said he would never cheat because he knows how it felt etc etc. For a while it was amazing and he would literally shower me with love every morning til I slept. But then we had a couple of serious fights a few months later where I wanted us to take a break but he would always get really upset and say he understood and he'd always wait for me, We'd always make up within a few hours at the most. Prior to us dating we've never fought, only that one time when we were kids and he said he didn't love me anymore, but it wasn't much of a fight even then.
He visited during christmas and it was the first time we saw each other in years. We kissed and stuff and got more physical with each other for the first time. Nobody knew we were dating and we wanted to keep it private because our families are quite close and if anything happened it would likely break our families up so we didn't get to spend as much time together as we would have liked but we still had some time.
For about a month after he left we still had a good relationship, we talked less as we both got more busy but he was still in love with me and would talk about our future a lot. Since the first time I met his close friend, who is still very close with him, I have talked on and off with him through the years but only every few months or so. After that first month we had our first major fight where he was the one to get angry at me. He didn't want me talking to his friend anymore, he told me for the first time that after I had left that summer years ago when he first told me he loved me, him and his friend got into a huge fight over me and they stopped talking for months. He said he didn't want to go through that again. I tried to tell my ex that me and his friend barely talk now and he is most probably over it and obviously doesn't like me anymore (his friend didn't know we were dating) but it turned into a huge fight and we made up a couple of days later but it didn't feel the same. After that we didn't talk as much and then a few days later we had another huge fight about his friend again. We made up but again it didn't feel the same, and I didn't know why.
We started talking less and less, and our talks wernt as interesting and we started to have minor fights. He would still talk to me everyday though and for a while it seemed like things were getting better, our fights happened because of a lack of communication and he thought I was becoming colder so we were working on that. He broke up with me soon after.
Our break up spanned 2 days and he said a lot of contradictory and confusing things. He kept saying how it wasn't working and we keep fighting and that I've been so cold lately but that he still loved me. He said he doesn't really know me and he thinks he rushed into loving me without knowing me properly because he has always wanted me so he wants to get to know me again. He also said he doesn't wanted to be with me and he doesn't ever want a relationship with me. He also said how he isn't ready to give so much of himself to someone yet and he isn't ready for a relationship and that he found it easier to talk to me and open up to me when we were friends because now he feels to much pressure of disappointing me. I said it's too hard for me to be friends so if we break up I would have to cut him out of my life and he started crying and saying he still loved me and how he would never have dated me if he knew this would happen etc I said I was sorry but friendship wasn't enough for me and he said he'd always be there and he would wait until I wanted to be friends again. We said our goodbyes but it was too hard and a day later I told him we could try to be friends.
As soon as we broke up it seemed like he was having the time of his life as he kept putting up suggestive status's and pictures of him at clubs with girls and stuff. It was too hard being friends and few days later we got into a huge fight, even bigger than our break up fight. I basically poured my heart out to him and it seemed like he didn't care and we both said some horrible things to each other. He also went on to 'forbid' me from talking to his friend even though we weren't dating. This fight was very upsetting because even though we've fought before we've never been horrible or resorted to swearing and stuff. In the end we decided to have a two week break. During the 2 week break he continued posting things which made it seem like he was having the time of his life and he kept snap chatting me pictures of himself as well. We lapsed twice where he told me that its been really hard for him to not talk to me. At the end of the two we break we talked and I tried to keep my cool but I was getting increasingly upset as he kept telling me how perfect his life is now and told me about other girls and even showed me a picture where he was at a club with a girl and asked me my opinion on it. At the end I lost my cool and told him it was inappropriate for him to tell me these things, he then gave me a long explanation about how all those things meant nothing and the girl was just a friend and the other girls are just friends nothing more etc. We started to talk more where we would get kind of close again but then we'd have a fight again and we kept acting hot and cold with one another. This happened repeatedly. I decided I'd had enough so I ignored all his messages and stopped talking to him for just over a week. When we did talk again he was angry I'd ignored him and yelled at me and then went on to deleting me and blocking me. He unblocked me a day later and we talked and we both apologised about how we had been behaving and he also said he was still a little jealous because I was talking to his friend and that it was childish but he was okay with it now.
We started talking again but we didn't talk as much and it seemed colder. since then we keep on having this pattern of not talking too much and getting cold to having a fight and then making up and reaching each other emotionally and then going back to not talking as much. At one point he showed me a picture of himself because he's been working out and he wanted me to see and I asked jokingly was there any girl he was trying to look nice for. He told me that there was this girl who he knew liked him but he wasn't sure, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship yet but maybe in a bit. This cut me, we hadn't broken up for very long and already hes considering another girl. I didn't let him know this upset me and instead told him I was happy for him.
A few days later I told him I was going to go abroad this summer and he act like he wasn't interested so we stopped talking. We had another fight and he admitted to me that he went cold because he was upset as he thought it meant I wouldn't be visiting him this summer and so he was trying not to care because he 'didn't want to care'. He also said he thought I was dating or interested in someone else. I said I wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with anyone and I was only looking for friendship and he said yeah same. I also said that I would be visiting him this summer because my family had already made plans and he seemed really excited and we talked for a few hours.
But then he stopped talking to me as much and ignoring my msgs for hours or days sometimes because he forgot to respond. Once he ignored my msg entirely because he wasn't sure what to say, he said he didn't mean to talk less he just gets busy and doesn't like going on his phone as much. It seems like he just isn't really interested anymore. Yesterday we had a fight and I had enough telling him I wasn't sure if we could be friends and I had to cut him off. He asked me I could cut him off so easily 'Just like that'. I said no obviously not but I had to because I don't think we can be friends anymore. Even though we've been able to talk after we've fought, we still can't seem to be connecting like we used to. He said maybe it would be different in person, but I said I wasn't sure. He then said he understood and he'd always be there for me whatever I decided. I told him I couldn't be friends and I said goodbye.
I still love him and I want him back, but I think our current relationship is unhealthy because we keep fighting and making up frequently and its hurting our friendship. He has said that he still cares about me but he doesn't want to be with me. He said he'd always be there but I think he'd do that for anyone because he is generally a very good and loving person. I'm not sure if the NC will work because I don't think he'll miss me and in the past whenever I've stopped talking to him for large amounts of time, it's never seemed to bother him too much. Do you think there is any chance of us getting back together? his behaviour is very confusing to me and I'm not sure if he feels anything beyond friendship :( I'm not really sure why he broke up with me either so I don't know how to make it right:( If so do you think I should apply NC until I see him in summer? (this would be about 2-3 months)
Again sorry for the long story, but I feel much better getting it off my chest, any insights would be welcome:) thanks:)
Yes, you should apply no contact until you see him. The aim of no contact is not just to make him miss you but also to make you realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. You should do everything that's listed in the no contact section of the guide. I think there is a chance of getting back together. But I also think that since both of you are young, you should explore other options and learn more about yourself before committing yourself to a relationship. Perhaps, the real reason he broke up with you was because he wants to explore his options and doesn't want to be committed at a young age.
You could be right, I think maybe that's it and maybe the long distance maybe too much for him. But he did say he would never want a relationship with me ever again, do you think he meant that? I think you're right about me needing to learn more about myself, which is what I'll be doing in the next few months before I see him. Hopefully I'll be much improved by then. Thank you so much for your reply and this website, I have a little bit of hope now:) but I have taken your warnings to heart and I know there is a chance we won't be together so I'm not putting too much hope into it
Again thanks:)
A lot of people say that after a breakup without meaning it. At that moment, perhaps he really meant it. But it doesn't mean he won't change his mind in the future.
Hello Confused,
With all the distance between you two, its difficult to suggest what might be the outcome of you're relationship. You stated above you argue quite often and the space between you is the issue of that matter. From experience, and not to hurt your emotions, he most likely left a good portion of his feelings for you at his doorstep. Its a hurtful and sad reality which everyone cope's with at some point in their lives. It's terrible to leave another person feeling rejection, hatred, love, desire, remorse, ashamed, loose, confused and unhappy. It's plain torture. You seem overwhelmingly invested in him and it makes me feel sorrowful. He is where he wants to be. If he wanted another try, he would count your messages until he sees you again. He wouldn't ignore your texts or phone calls, or send you bad snapchats would he? Only fools wield no respect for others and play innocent people. It petrifies me to see how much you care about him. Please take my advice. Would you want to give your heart to someone who has already crushed it and broke it into smaller and smaller pieces..again? Ms. If you mean anything to him he wouldn't allow you to feel the way you do. Its tough dear, so very tough. if you feel that you are reserving yourself for him until the time arrives, don't. It can be catastrophic to the relationships you have built with others and in return, making them feel the same way you do about themselves. My suggestion: If you have felt any connection with another person, stop hesitating to accept their love. Stop letting this mistake blur you from a clear picture and you will realize the sweet guy you've turned down a hundred times is the one you want. In the most pure and thought giving way, you are strong human being and you can do it. A wise woman once told me "you should not wait for someone who has already left and if you don't take them as they come you can finish the sentence"
A lot of people say that after a breakup without meaning it. At that moment, perhaps he really meant it. But it doesn't mean he won't change his mind in the future.
Hello Confused,
With all the distance between you two, its difficult to suggest what might be the outcome of you're relationship. You stated above you argue quite often and the space between you is the issue of that matter. From experience, and not to hurt your emotions, he most likely left a good portion of his feelings for you at his doorstep. Its a hurtful and sad reality which everyone cope's with at some point in their lives. It's terrible to leave another person feeling rejection, hatred, love, desire, remorse, ashamed, loose, confused and unhappy. It's plain torture. You seem overwhelmingly invested in him and it makes me feel sorrowful. He is where he wants to be. If he wanted another try, he would count your messages until he sees you again. He wouldn't ignore your texts or phone calls, or send you bad snapchats would he? Only fools wield no respect for others and play innocent people. It petrifies me to see how much you care about him. Please take my advice. Would you want to give your heart to someone who has already crushed it and broke it into smaller and smaller pieces..again? Ms. If you mean anything to him he wouldn't allow you to feel the way you do. Its tough dear, so very tough. if you feel that you are reserving yourself for him until the time arrives, don't. It can be catastrophic to the relationships you have built with others and in return, making them feel the same way you do about themselves. My suggestion: If you have felt any connection with another person, stop hesitating to accept their love. Stop letting this mistake blur you from a clear picture and you will realize the sweet guy you've turned down a hundred times is the one you want. In the most pure and thought giving way, you are strong human being and you can do it. A wise woman once told me "you should not wait for someone who has already left and if you don't take them as they come you can finish the sentence"
A lot of people say that after a breakup without meaning it. At that moment, perhaps he really meant it. But it doesn't mean he won't change his mind in the future.
Hello Confused,
With all the distance between you two, its difficult to suggest what might be the outcome of you're relationship. You stated above you argue quite often and the space between you is the issue of that matter. From experience, and not to hurt your emotions, he most likely left a good portion of his feelings for you at his doorstep. Its a hurtful and sad reality which everyone cope's with at some point in their lives. It's terrible to leave another person feeling rejection, hatred, love, desire, remorse, ashamed, loose, confused and unhappy. It's plain torture. You seem overwhelmingly invested in him and it makes me feel sorrowful. He is where he wants to be. If he wanted another try, he would count your messages until he sees you again. He wouldn't ignore your texts or phone calls, or send you bad snapchats would he? Only fools wield no respect for others and play innocent people. It petrifies me to see how much you care about him. Please take my advice. Would you want to give your heart to someone who has already crushed it and broke it into smaller and smaller pieces..again? Ms. If you mean anything to him he wouldn't allow you to feel the way you do. Its tough dear, so very tough. if you feel that you are reserving yourself for him until the time arrives, don't. It can be catastrophic to the relationships you have built with others and in return, making them feel the same way you do about themselves. My suggestion: If you have felt any connection with another person, stop hesitating to accept their love. Stop letting this mistake blur you from a clear picture and you will realize the sweet guy you've turned down a hundred times is the one you want. In the most pure and thought giving way, you are strong human being and you can do it. A wise woman once told me "you should not wait for someone who has already left and if you don't take them as they come you can finish the sentence"
A lot of people say that after a breakup without meaning it. At that moment, perhaps he really meant it. But it doesn't mean he won't change his mind in the future.
Hello Confused,
With all the distance between you two, its difficult to suggest what might be the outcome of you're relationship. You stated above you argue quite often and the space between you is the issue of that matter. From experience, and not to hurt your emotions, he most likely left a good portion of his feelings for you at his doorstep. Its a hurtful and sad reality which everyone cope's with at some point in their lives. It's terrible to leave another person feeling rejection, hatred, love, desire, remorse, ashamed, loose, confused and unhappy. It's plain torture. You seem overwhelmingly invested in him and it makes me feel sorrowful. He is where he wants to be. If he wanted another try, he would count your messages until he sees you again. He wouldn't ignore your texts or phone calls, or send you bad snapchats would he? Only fools wield no respect for others and play innocent people. It petrifies me to see how much you care about him. Please take my advice. Would you want to give your heart to someone who has already crushed it and broke it into smaller and smaller pieces..again? Ms. If you mean anything to him he wouldn't allow you to feel the way you do. Its tough dear, so very tough. if you feel that you are reserving yourself for him until the time arrives, don't. It can be catastrophic to the relationships you have built with others and in return, making them feel the same way you do about themselves. My suggestion: If you have felt any connection with another person, stop hesitating to accept their love. Stop letting this mistake blur you from a clear picture and you will realize the sweet guy you've turned down a hundred times is the one you want. In the most pure and thought giving way, you are strong human being and you can do it. A wise woman once told me "you should not wait for someone who has already left and if you don't take them as they come you can finish the sentence"
You could be right, I think maybe that's it and maybe the long distance maybe too much for him. But he did say he would never want a relationship with me ever again, do you think he meant that? I think you're right about me needing to learn more about myself, which is what I'll be doing in the next few months before I see him. Hopefully I'll be much improved by then. Thank you so much for your reply and this website, I have a little bit of hope now:) but I have taken your warnings to heart and I know there is a chance we won't be together so I'm not putting too much hope into it
Again thanks:)
You could be right, I think maybe that's it and maybe the long distance maybe too much for him. But he did say he would never want a relationship with me ever again, do you think he meant that? I think you're right about me needing to learn more about myself, which is what I'll be doing in the next few months before I see him. Hopefully I'll be much improved by then. Thank you so much for your reply and this website, I have a little bit of hope now:) but I have taken your warnings to heart and I know there is a chance we won't be together so I'm not putting too much hope into it
Again thanks:)
Yes, you should apply no contact until you see him. The aim of no contact is not just to make him miss you but also to make you realize that you don't need him in your life to be happy. You should do everything that's listed in the no contact section of the guide. I think there is a chance of getting back together. But I also think that since both of you are young, you should explore other options and learn more about yourself before committing yourself to a relationship. Perhaps, the real reason he broke up with you was because he wants to explore his options and doesn't want to be committed at a young age.
Hey, so my girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago. She said she was uncertain about the future. At time she said she still loves me, but other times she does not see if having a future. So she said this is something she has to do. She has been stressed about school and what to do with her life when school is over, she does not handle stress too well. She sent a message to me 4 weeks ago when she found out that I wanted to get a hold of her saying that she needed more time and we can talk when school is over. Our relationship was for the most part fine, our only fight was about who goes over to whose house because there is a bit of difference. This is one the persisted throughout the relationship though. Since then I have not contacted her. Apparently she has focused completely on school (whereas she used to procrastinate). She recently sent me a message saying her facebook had been deleted and she did not want me to think that I blocked her. We are still supposed to meet up when school is done next week. I have grown in the past few weeks and am ready to show her that our previous issues will not be present anymore. Any advice?
Don't tell her that you have grown and that you want to show her previous issues will not be present anymore. Don't talk about getting back together. Just take things slowly and let her realize it on her own.
Don't tell her that you have grown and that you want to show her previous issues will not be present anymore. Don't talk about getting back together. Just take things slowly and let her realize it on her own.
Hi Kevin,
Can you please outline these points for me? My ex called me yesterday and we had a chat, She said the following that didn't really make too much sense?
I asked if she had been thinking about the situation, She said no, She's been too busy to think about it.
She keeps saying that shes going to dinner, movies concerts with friends but never tells me names of our friends etc..Is she just trying to make me think, make me jealous?
Perhaps she has been busy or perhaps she has been keeping herself busy to avoid thinking about you. As for the friends, it could be that she is trying to make you jealous. No one an say for sure. It's best to concentrate on what you should do instead of what your ex has been doing.
Perhaps she has been busy or perhaps she has been keeping herself busy to avoid thinking about you. As for the friends, it could be that she is trying to make you jealous. No one an say for sure. It's best to concentrate on what you should do instead of what your ex has been doing.
I had a 4 years relationship with my girlfriend I 'm 28 years old and she 24.
We were madly in love during a year and super affectionate, friends, pranksters and accomplices during the remaining.
Were seen by all as the wonder couple because our complicity and how we touched and we gave affection to each other, the way we played achieved enjoying with our own relationship.
Two weeks ago I sent a sms after a cold conversation she had with me, we never had a single discussion in 4 years.
I told her for the first time I had felt that he could lose witch other. To which she replied, "that broke my heart to hear that from you, these are phases that all couples go, we 'll get through this, and we will get stronger."
After two days of receiving this sms she broke up with me saying she needed a break, both cried that day and even while we were talking , we were kissing and hugging, to support one another . She told me that she felt suffocated by me, got stressed with college exams and did not like living with his father, was feeling bad.
And told me she no longer felt about me the same as it was in the beginning and the fact that I was unemployed one year and a half , not helped because she saw me as a person aimlessly , and told me that she tried to cheer me up and help me to start working and moving , and only saw me through without motivation. ( I myself was not a good phase) , I was jealous of her university and her friends , I think I have done that because I felt alone and I was depending on her to be happy.
I took a week without sending any message to her phone, do not exchange any contact. This last week we do not speak, I arranged to meet her at her house to clear things up.
She told me that she I was fine alone, and had little time to think, was down to the beach to walk alone and realize that for a long time she did not feel so good, she like the sensation to be free again, seems lighter. Hear what she had to tell me without crying and I had a good posture , I told her that I realized my mistakes and had probably lost the woman of my life for my stupidity. She cried and still had to be me to give her a lap and hugs to console her.
I told her that the break up was good to me also, because I wake up to life and get me moving and treat myself. (Actually was pretending to be strong but was dying inside).
It was strange to her, she was disturbed to see me talking like that, another weird thing is that she heard from me that some of my friends (girls) already knew that we broke up, and seemed to have been jealous somehow.
During our conversation i received 2 text messages on my cell phone and she replied something like this "look your friends trying to call you already". (that somehow got me some hope to have my ex back).
In the end we both decided that because our relationship was so strong and we never had mistreated or betrayed one another could not be like best friends and see each other all the time because that would not work.
When I leave that day after the conversation ends, we hug wich other very tight and she gave me a kiss in the neck.
I thought I was relieved at this end, but in reality spent last eight days after we talked without thinking about her, I think all the time how to get my ex back and this is killing me. I am suffering, all my friends tell me to stop thinking about her, because it was she who ended it, she never called me again, removed the photos witch had with me on facebook and seems to have done everything to forget about me. I think she should be happy and I 've been crying the corners all the time, worst she is posting photos (just 2 new photos to be honest) but in that pictures I see that she is moving on, she is smiling and with good mode. Looking at that just broke my heart.
Just passed 16 days after the break up till now I don’t have any contact.
As I'm not working yet is worse because I have too much free time.
Someone help me please I love this girl more than anything.
(sorry my for English not my native language )
Hey,
Continue no contact for another 14 days and try to find a job as soon as possible. I think you need to get your life on track before getting back in touch with her if you want to increase your chances of reconciliation.
Hey Kevin she just send me a text message saying that she want to wish me a good Easter and my family. something like this.
"Good morning! Just to warn you that now texted to your phone from your father. A kiss for you and the whole family. good Easter"
I want to fight for her its the woman of my life.
I did reply in the same tone. Do you think after i get my life on the right road i have any chance with her? 4 year relationship is hard to forget. I want to fight for her but like you say in your
Yes, you do have a pretty good chance. I wish you the best.
Yes, you do have a pretty good chance. I wish you the best.
Yes, you do have a pretty good chance. I wish you the best.
Yes, you do have a pretty good chance. I wish you the best.
Hey Kevin she just send me a text message saying that she want to wish me a good Easter and my family. something like this.
"Good morning! Just to warn you that now texted to your phone from your father. A kiss for you and the whole family. good Easter"
I want to fight for her its the woman of my life.
I did reply in the same tone. Do you think after i get my life on the right road i have any chance with her? 4 year relationship is hard to forget. I want to fight for her but like you say in your
Hey Kevin she just send me a text message saying that she want to wish me a good Easter and my family. something like this.
"Good morning! Just to warn you that now texted to your phone from your father. A kiss for you and the whole family. good Easter"
I want to fight for her its the woman of my life.
I did reply in the same tone. Do you think after i get my life on the right road i have any chance with her? 4 year relationship is hard to forget. I want to fight for her but like you say in your
Hey,
Continue no contact for another 14 days and try to find a job as soon as possible. I think you need to get your life on track before getting back in touch with her if you want to increase your chances of reconciliation.
Hi Kevin,
I was just got out of a 2 month relationship that was strong and solid for the first month, but unsteady thoroughly the second. My ex told me she love me (when we were in the "peak") and them I got a little clingy and we took a break. After the break, she was happy to be with me and I was watching how much I texted her each day. I minimized as much as I could. Then she kind of shut me out, and I couldn't get much of a conversation out of her. Just the other day she told me she doesn't really like me anymore, so we broke up. She has a lot of guys who already like her, so she doesn't have to worry about finding a guy. I still love her, but want to slowly draw her in. How can I pull her back to me like we once were? (She has my sweatshirt and I know her address + I just got my drivers license). I am a junior and she is a sophomore in hs.
P.s.- she said I was a "safe" guy and thought a safe guy is what she needed. Please help me!
Thanks!
Hey Dave,
You were needy so it pushed her away. Almost all the relationships are strong and solid in the first month. It's called the honeymoon phase. Whether or not you are truly compatible is only realized in the later stages of relationships. My advise is to keep no contact for 3 months before getting back in touch with her. I also think you should date other girls during the no contact period.
Hi Kevin,
I think I will give it a try! Sorry for taking more of your time, but should I talk to her friends so I am "up to date" on her thoughts? One of her friends already told me I should ask for my sweatshirt back, drive to her house and use that excuse to get to talk to her... I am now contemplating just leaving her for the 3 months, since I'm sure I can find someone else for the time before I contact her again. Thanks for all the advice and help! It really has boosted my confidence!
No you should not stay up to date on her. It defeats the purpose of no contact and if your ex finds out that you've been keeping tabs on her, she is going to put you in the "Stalky creep" category.
Hi Kevin!
Thanks or the tips! I am just dropping the whole thing until August/Septemeber. Should I delete her from all my social networking pages?
It's not necessary. If her social media pages are keeping you obsessed over her, then do it.
It's not necessary. If her social media pages are keeping you obsessed over her, then do it.
It's not necessary. If her social media pages are keeping you obsessed over her, then do it.
It's not necessary. If her social media pages are keeping you obsessed over her, then do it.
It's not necessary. If her social media pages are keeping you obsessed over her, then do it.
It's not necessary. If her social media pages are keeping you obsessed over her, then do it.
Hi Kevin!
Thanks or the tips! I am just dropping the whole thing until August/Septemeber. Should I delete her from all my social networking pages?
Hi Kevin!
Thanks or the tips! I am just dropping the whole thing until August/Septemeber. Should I delete her from all my social networking pages?
Hi Kevin!
Thanks or the tips! I am just dropping the whole thing until August/Septemeber. Should I delete her from all my social networking pages?
Hi Kevin!
Thanks or the tips! I am just dropping the whole thing until August/Septemeber. Should I delete her from all my social networking pages?
sorry for trying to give my opinion,
dont use that excuse to talk to her,
it looks needy, and she will know it u pick that sweatshirt in order to talk to her.
just leave it.
Here's one more thing you ( anyone reading this) should know. She likes to I to parties, get drunk and get with other guys. She doesn't go the full extent of "hookup" since she is at least smart enough not to, but I'm worried she will make a mistake and or meet that "dream" guy. How can I maneuver this? Will the 3 months make her forget me? The thing about her is once she has her mind made up, it's hard to change it. How can I penetrate this shell that she is creating, and get to her heart again where I can win her over once again.
The only way to penetrate this shell is to approach it from the friends angle. Don't tell her you want to get back together. Just hang out with her and have a good time. Let it be her idea to get back together. It's mentioned in the article.
The only way to penetrate this shell is to approach it from the friends angle. Don't tell her you want to get back together. Just hang out with her and have a good time. Let it be her idea to get back together. It's mentioned in the article.
The only way to penetrate this shell is to approach it from the friends angle. Don't tell her you want to get back together. Just hang out with her and have a good time. Let it be her idea to get back together. It's mentioned in the article.
The only way to penetrate this shell is to approach it from the friends angle. Don't tell her you want to get back together. Just hang out with her and have a good time. Let it be her idea to get back together. It's mentioned in the article.
The only way to penetrate this shell is to approach it from the friends angle. Don't tell her you want to get back together. Just hang out with her and have a good time. Let it be her idea to get back together. It's mentioned in the article.
The only way to penetrate this shell is to approach it from the friends angle. Don't tell her you want to get back together. Just hang out with her and have a good time. Let it be her idea to get back together. It's mentioned in the article.
Here's one more thing you ( anyone reading this) should know. She likes to I to parties, get drunk and get with other guys. She doesn't go the full extent of "hookup" since she is at least smart enough not to, but I'm worried she will make a mistake and or meet that "dream" guy. How can I maneuver this? Will the 3 months make her forget me? The thing about her is once she has her mind made up, it's hard to change it. How can I penetrate this shell that she is creating, and get to her heart again where I can win her over once again.
Here's one more thing you ( anyone reading this) should know. She likes to I to parties, get drunk and get with other guys. She doesn't go the full extent of "hookup" since she is at least smart enough not to, but I'm worried she will make a mistake and or meet that "dream" guy. How can I maneuver this? Will the 3 months make her forget me? The thing about her is once she has her mind made up, it's hard to change it. How can I penetrate this shell that she is creating, and get to her heart again where I can win her over once again.
Here's one more thing you ( anyone reading this) should know. She likes to I to parties, get drunk and get with other guys. She doesn't go the full extent of "hookup" since she is at least smart enough not to, but I'm worried she will make a mistake and or meet that "dream" guy. How can I maneuver this? Will the 3 months make her forget me? The thing about her is once she has her mind made up, it's hard to change it. How can I penetrate this shell that she is creating, and get to her heart again where I can win her over once again.
Here's one more thing you ( anyone reading this) should know. She likes to I to parties, get drunk and get with other guys. She doesn't go the full extent of "hookup" since she is at least smart enough not to, but I'm worried she will make a mistake and or meet that "dream" guy. How can I maneuver this? Will the 3 months make her forget me? The thing about her is once she has her mind made up, it's hard to change it. How can I penetrate this shell that she is creating, and get to her heart again where I can win her over once again.
No you should not stay up to date on her. It defeats the purpose of no contact and if your ex finds out that you've been keeping tabs on her, she is going to put you in the "Stalky creep" category.
sorry for trying to give my opinion,
dont use that excuse to talk to her,
it looks needy, and she will know it u pick that sweatshirt in order to talk to her.
just leave it.
No you should not stay up to date on her. It defeats the purpose of no contact and if your ex finds out that you've been keeping tabs on her, she is going to put you in the "Stalky creep" category.
sorry for trying to give my opinion,
dont use that excuse to talk to her,
it looks needy, and she will know it u pick that sweatshirt in order to talk to her.
just leave it.
No you should not stay up to date on her. It defeats the purpose of no contact and if your ex finds out that you've been keeping tabs on her, she is going to put you in the "Stalky creep" category.
sorry for trying to give my opinion,
dont use that excuse to talk to her,
it looks needy, and she will know it u pick that sweatshirt in order to talk to her.
just leave it.
Hi Kevin,
I think I will give it a try! Sorry for taking more of your time, but should I talk to her friends so I am "up to date" on her thoughts? One of her friends already told me I should ask for my sweatshirt back, drive to her house and use that excuse to get to talk to her... I am now contemplating just leaving her for the 3 months, since I'm sure I can find someone else for the time before I contact her again. Thanks for all the advice and help! It really has boosted my confidence!
Hi Kevin,
I think I will give it a try! Sorry for taking more of your time, but should I talk to her friends so I am "up to date" on her thoughts? One of her friends already told me I should ask for my sweatshirt back, drive to her house and use that excuse to get to talk to her... I am now contemplating just leaving her for the 3 months, since I'm sure I can find someone else for the time before I contact her again. Thanks for all the advice and help! It really has boosted my confidence!
Hey Dave,
You were needy so it pushed her away. Almost all the relationships are strong and solid in the first month. It's called the honeymoon phase. Whether or not you are truly compatible is only realized in the later stages of relationships. My advise is to keep no contact for 3 months before getting back in touch with her. I also think you should date other girls during the no contact period.
Hi I need your advice.
I broke with my ex about a moth ago..he sent me a text telling me he missed me,so we saw each other a Sunday and we talked about out relationship and I though were ok and we were gonna try to work things out..by the way I broke up with him because he works so much and didn't make any effort to see me.
So after that Sunday I didn't hear from him until Thursday April 10th which it was my birthday,he sent me this email.
Don’t think for a second that I forgot your birthday or that you don’t cross my mind countless times a day because I didn’t and you do. I realized on Sunday after we talked that I’m not the person you want right now and I know you have your doubts too because you said as much. I just want you to know that I got that job and I hope that will help me get my head straight. This year burned me up and I had no energy left over for any kind of life or to give you what you deserve.
You need to know that I do love you very much and you’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. I couldn’t say anything bad about you if I tried and I truly believe you deserve all the happiness in the world I just don’t know if I can give that to you until I get right. I still have hope that this change is all I need and that maybe some day we’ll cross paths again and you can see me for who I really am. I don’t want to say goodbye, but all I can do at this point is leave that up to you. Even to just be friends with you right now would be enough for me.
Anyway, I love you Maricel and I hope you can forgive me and have best 30th birthday ever.
My reply was congrats on your new job and I wish you the best in your life.
I don't like playing games..I do love him but he's so complicated..do you think my answer was right..I replied the email on Sunday and I never heard from him back.
What do you think?
You are awesome..I love reading what you write!
Thanks!!!
Kevin,
Thanks so much!!
So you think that my reply was all right?
Saying congrats on your new job and I wish you the best in your life or he will think I was saying good bye?
Do you think he will reach me again?
I think your reply was right. I can't say if he'll try to reach you again or not. Even if he doesn't reach out to you again, you should contact him after you finish no contact.
I think your reply was right. I can't say if he'll try to reach you again or not. Even if he doesn't reach out to you again, you should contact him after you finish no contact.
I think your reply was right. I can't say if he'll try to reach you again or not. Even if he doesn't reach out to you again, you should contact him after you finish no contact.
Hey Maricel,
I don't think he is playing games either. It seems he is pretty clear and he thinks he can't provide you what you are looking for which is why he wants to stay broken up. I think you should give him the time and space he needs to "get right" and let him get back in touch with you again.
Kevin,
Thanks so much!!
So you think that my reply was all right?
Saying congrats on your new job and I wish you the best in your life or he will think I was saying good bye?
Do you think he will reach me again?
Hey Maricel,
I don't think he is playing games either. It seems he is pretty clear and he thinks he can't provide you what you are looking for which is why he wants to stay broken up. I think you should give him the time and space he needs to "get right" and let him get back in touch with you again.
Hey kevin..me and my ex were having problems for quite a month and the reason was he thinks I didn't give him space. So yesterday morning he sent me this huge ass msg saying he wants to break up 'cause he thinks I cheated on him which I did not! I don't know any way to prove him. I just want him back! What do I do?? :'(
Apply no contact. I think the reason he gave you was complete BS. Let him get back in touch with you. If he doesn't and you still want him back after at least 2 months of no contact, then get back in touch with him.
Apply no contact. I think the reason he gave you was complete BS. Let him get back in touch with you. If he doesn't and you still want him back after at least 2 months of no contact, then get back in touch with him.
Kevin
My ex and I had only been dating for 4 months. We had a great relationship until his hours increased at work. He works all the time. We never really spent time together. After I kept asking for more time without success I broke up with him. Now a week later I ask if we could work on thing and he said that he loves me, miss me and cares but that he doesn't know if we should get back together. Please help. What do I do???
You just want to get back together because you miss him. I think you should apply no contact for another 2 months and decide whether or not you can have a healthy relationship with him that will satisfy you. If after that you still want to get back together, use the methods in the 5 step plan to get back in touch.
You just want to get back together because you miss him. I think you should apply no contact for another 2 months and decide whether or not you can have a healthy relationship with him that will satisfy you. If after that you still want to get back together, use the methods in the 5 step plan to get back in touch.
Hi Kevin.
After a little less than 2 weeks(1 week and 6 days) my ex has been contacting me for a while, asking me how I'm doing and what I'm up to and so on. Today she started to text me stuff like "Are you there, can we talk?", "Please answer I need to talk to you", and she even called me once(While I have begged her for giving me space). I just ignored everything, bur at last I texted her on FB because I got worried that something was wrong. It turned out as soon as I answered: she wrote to me "I miss you so much Harry, I can't stand one more day(without me)", "can we meet up and talk?".
I was very unsure, but at the end I gave in and we meet up. She told me how much she's been missing me, and how meaningless it seems to her to not share her life/moments/those times without moments, everything etc etc, waking up and not see the meaning waking up because I'm not there by her side. She also explained why she broke up with me. But first I have to give you a little background about us.
You see, we meet just in the begging of this summer, and everything was wonderful, and both of us were so in love. But then the fall came. We both have kind of big baggage, packed with mental problems/-health issues. So all of our own shit caught up with us, with our love.
So, from then on our relationship started drifting(trying to keep it as short as I can, so I'm not going more into detail here...)
So, this downward going spiral had been digging down into the ground for quite a while... And this ended up with my ex sleeping with her old ex.
She told me as we meet this evening when me met, that the guilt was to much to bear. Not only that our relationship had been drifting for such a long time: now she couldn't even look at me without breaking. So she broke up with me. But she says she really regrets it now. That she hopes I can forgive her. And that she wants me back.
While she is still unsure, cause she doesn't want our relationship to be like it was before, which I totally understand.
Altogether, I'm very confused right now. Should we slowly try to get back again? Or is it to early? I feel that even it's only been 2 weeks, a lot in me has changed to the better, and I feel there is a chance we could make it better this time. But I'm still not sure, do I need more time and space to grow/change?
Can I trust her? I do feel she's being really honest with me, but I'm afraid to trust her since she's broke my heart... And this cheating thing... I actually feel that I already can get along with it. If I know that it really never meant anything! But how can I be sure of that?
Please help me Kevin: What do you think about all of this, what do you see and hear?
PS: Sorry for the long post, tried to make it as short I thought was possible. Hope you have the time to answer me. Best wishes
/Harry
Hey Harry,
Whether or not you will be able to trust her again is dependent on a lot of factors. I know a lot of people are able to regain trust in a relationship after cheating. But that is a huge topic and to cover it in this comment will be impossible. I think you should ask her for some time and do another couple weeks of no contact. Tell her that you are not moving on and you want to get back together, but not right now. I'll suggest you read more about infidelity and how people overcome it. I've heard good things about the website "survivinginfidelity[dot]com".
PPS: And sorry for the sometimes poor spelling and writing, it's in the middle of the night so yeah...
Hey Harry,
Whether or not you will be able to trust her again is dependent on a lot of factors. I know a lot of people are able to regain trust in a relationship after cheating. But that is a huge topic and to cover it in this comment will be impossible. I think you should ask her for some time and do another couple weeks of no contact. Tell her that you are not moving on and you want to get back together, but not right now. I'll suggest you read more about infidelity and how people overcome it. I've heard good things about the website "survivinginfidelity[dot]com".
PPS: And sorry for the sometimes poor spelling and writing, it's in the middle of the night so yeah...
hi - I am recently divorced. I started dating a man a few years older. Everything went well but we stopped communicating (possibly due to individual stresses). I accidentally contacted him via text after 6 months no contact ( I had deleted him from my phone but it seems his number came up when I was messaging a friend with a similar name). Unexpectedly, he responded to the text. I made a tentative arrangement with him to come over in the future and he said he was looking forward to it. What are your thoughts about this? Im confused?
I think it's a good sign and you should meet him. However, take things slow and make sure don't show any signs of neediness.
I think it's a good sign and you should meet him. However, take things slow and make sure don't show any signs of neediness.
My ex and I had dated in 2010 for 3 months. We broke up because we of a huge fight we had. It was all about his exgirlfriend that would post pictures of him and her. She spread rumours that I was just a rebound and so forth.
It hurt me so much. However in the fight I hit below the belt. It was a very sensitive issue. That I know so he dumped me.
He was hurt badly by the break up. I snuck up on him though, and found his confessions on a website. He felt like a jerk that he did not fight harder for me. He apologised quiet a lot.
He tried getting me back in 2012, but I was not ready. He has had 2 girlfriends inbetween. The current one he started dating when I told him I am dating.
The last two nights he got very upset that I am a close friend with his guy friend. We wanted to pull a prank on our friends, but he just could not leave me alone with his friend.
He wanted me to explain myself to him. The next day at a party, he brought the new girl. I gret them and remained the friendly me. At the end he was making fun of everyone, very hyper, taking pictures of everyone. He ran after me across the dance floor just to take pictures of me dancing with anyone I would dance with.
He said he'll send me the pictures... On our way, he would ask for his new girl, but then make fun of me too. He would say let us high 5. But then I would just hold me hand.
Melody,
Did you try telling him your feelings?
Melody,
Did you try telling him your feelings?
Hi, Kevin.
My ex-boyfriend and i were dating for 7 years. Our relationship was great and full of happiness along years. We rarely argue. We loved each other and planed to get marry next year.
However, 2 months before our break up, he joined a band and our relationship was getting worse. He was enthusiastically to join every meeting or practice of the band. After that, he started to comment on me that i acting cold to him with less response and always being late when we have a date. When i heard of these comments, i was fear as he never comment bad on me before. I started to change those bad habits, but the result was not significant yet.
Later on, as mentioned, he broke up with me. Saying that he felt i was cold to him when we were texting or having a date (i had self-reflection after the break up that i should have did better on this, though it is my personality). Also, he mentioned that he no longer feel as happy as being with me before. So, he decided to break up.
I could not bear with it and I tried to get him back by all the wrong ways (just realized it after visiting your webpage :'( ) for month and a half: texting a lot, calling few times, sending him a LONG letter... he replied me he wants to be alone with the “It's Not You, It's Me” excuse then ignored all my later messages.
There was no ways for me to understand his sudden change, so i did something really bad that i checked his email. I found out that he is now in a relationship with a girl from the band, and they started to date just 10 days after our break up.
I did not know whether it is a rebound relationship (hopefully it is!), they are happily together for almost 2 months already. They had not make their relationship public yet I guess.
My last message sent to him was on April, 4. Should I break the no contact after 30 days since that day or should wait until he is the one who find me first? What if he has no response to my no contact after 60 days or something, should i keep on no contact? There is also something I have to return him, is it a good reason to initiate our contact again?
I really want him back, i DO believe we can work on our relationship better and have a great future if we have good communication.
btw, this webpage did bring me hope and confidence in getting him back ;) THANK YOU!
I think you should contact him again after 60 days of no contact. If he doesn't reply, wait another month and try again. If still no reply, then you should consider moving on. Returning his stuff is not a good reason to get back in touch in my opinion. I think you should use the methods above.
I think you should contact him again after 60 days of no contact. If he doesn't reply, wait another month and try again. If still no reply, then you should consider moving on. Returning his stuff is not a good reason to get back in touch in my opinion. I think you should use the methods above.
Kevin,
Me and my wife has just married for a year but before we get married i told here that i have an affair and i accidentally get the girl pregnant, but we still continue our married but the first 3 months my wife become jealous and everytime i come back to home after work she always argue with me that i cheated to her but she know how much i love her now she want to divorce are marriage she said to me that she didn't have fellings to me anymore only sorrow what she feel to me and she have no more love to me he even ignore me in FB and SKYPE she makes excuses to avoid are communication were in a long distance relationship because of our carrie sir KEVIN is still have chance to prevent our divorce and we will be happier the first time we know each other and the first 2 months that weve married.. im waiting for your reply.. tnx and more power sir
Hey Noah,
I think you do have a chance to prevent divorce, follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Noah,
I think you do have a chance to prevent divorce, follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
My girlfriend had just recently broken up with me after 10 months of our relationship. We were okay for 8 months and certain things happened along the way which slowly diminished the flame in our relationship. One day, I was very emotionally distraught and asked her if she was actually the right girl for me. It was dumb on my part but she restored our relationship at the price of her feelings. Slowly, we grew apart and we had broken up very recently. I realize I had made a mistake and want her back.
I had read your guide thoroughly, and it's awesome. I plan on following through with it. The only problem is that she is my best friend and she still texts me. How do I follow through with this plan?
Hey George,
Just tell her you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you will get back in touch with her after a while.
Hey George,
Just tell her you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you will get back in touch with her after a while.
My girlfriend and I got back together about 2 weeks ago. Everything has been great. But last night
My girlfriend and I went out for drinks, just talking....she asked me what my plans were last night but I was at the gym and told her id call her after So I call her and we went off topic and I ended up going out with the guys to my friend Andres friends house I forgot her name And I told her that yeah I had a guys night went to Andres friends house and she got all mad.Because it was some random girls house and I should of told her yesterday..and she said I'm gonna go out to random guys houses and you'll be fine with thatAnd she said this just now Have a good night & a great Easter & do NOT come for dessert tomorrow I gave her that promise ring and she just said when you're ready to be a man you can give it back....we can date and i will go out to random guys house and enjoy time with friends.This girl used to work with my friend andre at the movies and all the girls there really bother Kait(Andres girlfriend) so she was mad that these girls are so in appropriate to andre so risa is like you hung out with all of them. So now she doesn't think I can change. And said our trust is broken and can never be repaired. What do I say? I know I haven't followed the plan, but can you help me out?
Hey Paul,
I think if you give her some time, she will get over it. Give it a couple of days and then contact her again. If she is still not willing to talk it out, start no contact for a couple of weeks.
Hey Paul,
I think if you give her some time, she will get over it. Give it a couple of days and then contact her again. If she is still not willing to talk it out, start no contact for a couple of weeks.
I broke up with my ex on February this year believing that it would help him realize my importance, but after a month I felt that something isn't right. I actually investigated on my own and had found out that he is now on a new relationship that shocking part he was cheating on me even we were sill together. We were 4 years and 2 years of that 4 year relationship he's been seeing lots of women and one women he decided to stay is his co-worker. He has been lying with the girl that I was already his ex-girlfriend that time where in fact we are still together.
I did some of the mistakes after the break-up because I was so hurt and didn't realize the effects of it (Consistently texting and calling him, Raging at his house drunk).
One thing I noticed that he changed my pictures with their pictures together on social medias like (viber, facebook). but He also mentioned that when I was not talking to him for a month he keeps on checking my facebook page.
Do you think he is in a rebound-relationship?
Thanks for your attention.
Hey,
I think it's more than a rebound relationship since he was already with her for a while and he cheated on you. But whether or not it's a rebound relationship is not the question you should be asking. You should be asking yourself whether or not you want to be in a relationship where your partner cheated on you for 2 years. I'll highly recommend you start no contact for at least 3 months.
Hey,
I think it's more than a rebound relationship since he was already with her for a while and he cheated on you. But whether or not it's a rebound relationship is not the question you should be asking. You should be asking yourself whether or not you want to be in a relationship where your partner cheated on you for 2 years. I'll highly recommend you start no contact for at least 3 months.
Hey kevin, it's me again. I replied to your comment but you didn't reply back... anyways something else happened during these days. On wednesday he texted me to have some news about me. I told him how I felt, and he told me that he knows that he made a mistake. He asked me if I wanted to talk in person, so we saw eachother. I asked him what is going on in his head and he said that he doesn't even know. One time he took my hand and called me babe by accident, we were laughing and stuff... he told me that he had sex with his ex, he wanted to be honnest. He told me that he was feeling good with his ex like he thought he would. He was talking to me like he wanted to get back but take some time.... He told me that we would text eachother. So during the night, no text. The other day we didn't text either. I was wondering why he didnt text me, because he told me we would... so I texted him the other day wondering why we're not texting. he didnt respond, but i was that he was on facebook. So during the night I called him, and he said that he didnt take the time to respond. He said that he would text me later. He did, and he told me `` i think you need to forget about me, i just didnt want to hurt you more than you already are...`` So i explained other things and he said Im sorry and I texted him other things about what i'm feeling, I told him that he will do like nothing happened between us , liike we wont be talking to eachother anymore, he responded ``i wont do like nothing happened between us?`` and after I texted him other stuff and he never responded...I just want to know why a month ago everything was perfect and now were not even talking to eachother? I know I should try to get over him, but I wish he would want me back.. Do you think with time he could come back...? :(
Hey Daphne,
If you haven't applied no contact till now, you should do it. Then follow the steps in the plan and send him the letter. If you've followed the plan and he still doesn't want to get back together, then you should try to move on.
he wasn't feeling good like he thought he would with his ex*
Hey Daphne,
If you haven't applied no contact till now, you should do it. Then follow the steps in the plan and send him the letter. If you've followed the plan and he still doesn't want to get back together, then you should try to move on.
he wasn't feeling good like he thought he would with his ex*
Dear Kevin
What to do if your ex do not reply to you letter or text message?
You wait one week (or two) and then try again. If there is still nothing, you should try moving on.
You wait one week (or two) and then try again. If there is still nothing, you should try moving on.
My name is not Marshall...I'm female, but I won't put my real name because I'm paranoid about someone who knows me, finding my name over here. And english isn't my native language so sorry for all the mistakes I make. This is gonna be a long story and I fear that you tell me to get over him. I'm 20 and he is 20 too. And we had a relationship horribly chaotic. Starting with stories from an ex girlfriend of his, trying to punch me while she is pregnant from another man to...now. We had a on- off relationship, and we never broke up because of stupid fights, the first time was when he tried to hurt me by getting me jealous, and I decided to leave him because I thought a relationship with someone trying to hurt me because he felt hurt by me...that won't work out. But we stayed together for 2 years. After a year he always tried to make me jealous by having female friends. Of course he liked them, but he had way to much fun rubbing the fact that another girl is interested in his attention in my face. This was the first time I went no-contact for 1 week. And of course he went crazy.
I simply didn't answer his texts until he caught me on the street and took my phone away until I would talk to him. He apologized and told me he would change and everything would be better now. Thing is, I never wanted him to change, I simply wanted him to be a respectful boyfriend, which would stop with these childish games of making me jealouy and stuff. And these female friends. He told stuff to them about how crazy I am and sent them all my texts... I couldn't imagine to stay with him when he has friends constantly telling him how bad I am and that he should dump me... So At first I tried to accept these friendships, but after it got worse and he tried to make me jealous again...I freaked out, left him...wanted him back 3 days later and he pushed me away, so I did no contact for another 2 weeks and he would come back an beg me to be with him again, that he needed me soo much...this scenario went on and on, he even pissed off my parents by the way he acted, and once when he came back to beg me to be his girlfriend again...I was in his car, and he drove somewhere up a hill where I was away from home for like 10 km and he kept me in his car until it was 3 o clock in the morning and I couldn't go back home.
I couldn't escape until I said yes to being back together. After 2 years we broke up again. And he came back after a week asking me back, so I told him that I needed a break. I would love to not hear from him for 2-3 months. He was ok with it. So after 3 months we would meet up and he would give me a present, and apologize again. And all his friends knew how much he missed me and...I was pretty much over him. I still gave him another chance, and he broke up with me 1 month later and wanted me back after that...and I refused, but then he started talking to a friend of mine, telling her that he of course would change...and then she started begging me for being with him again. So again we came back together, and the relationship was awful. i have a hard time telling this to someone, but somehow I wanted to have no sex for 2 weeks or so. And he always forced me to do it.
It came to a point on which he was above me doing it, and me telling him to stop, and he would just hold my hands and doing what he did. So after that I asked him why he would do that. His answer was that he doesn't know why...that he just thinks I am so beautiful and he couldn't resist, and he isn't proud of it. One month ago I left. Not saying goodbye or that I wanted to dump him...and he sent me a text the next day and I didn't answer. So I just needed the space. I got nightmares of what he did and I don't know if I am overreacting, but i just felt awful...after a month I asked him if everything was ok and that I am sorry for the way I left and that I couldn't do it any other way... He read it, waited for 10 minutes and then told me that I should leave him alone, that he doesn't expect anything from me anymore. So as dumb as I am I told him that I just wanted to do a clear finish line, that I really can't handle what he did and that I met someone, and that I don't want to be with him anymore. He just said that it is the same with him and that he doesn't expect anything anymore.
So I said the dumbest thing ever(you can give me an award for that) that I would have been happy if he apologized for what he did...and he sent a question mark...and then I told him that I would like to meet up and talk about it and he answered that he was watching a dvd and he would answer the next day. He didn't. And I didn't text him because i regret what I did and didn't want to annoy him. Sooo. Thats it. Fact is, I still think he loves me and that he wants to fall out of love, that he just wants to forget me. And I keep telling myself that there is a chance that he would come back since he still has this feeling. But I think he just won't come back.
There is another plan of getting him back by begging and apologizing, and I'm pretty sure he would love that. But in what kind of relationship would that end...so say it. Is there any chance of getting him back? I had to stand up sooo many times and try to find myself again and try to be happy again without him. Simply even people around me would notice how much better I do when I was out of relationship. And I belive only I can make myself happy, having someone being happy with you is just a very nice extra. But I was so unhappy with him. And I tried being happy alone so often, it's just hard trying this again... Is there any chance? Is there somemkind of plan I should follow? Am I just freaking out so bad because I realize how I lost control? Control I never had? Thanks for reading all this...maybe you are the one person that I take seriously... So this is gonna be a punch in the face if you tell me to get over him.
Hey Marshall,
Did you read the 5 step plan?
Also, if you do want to try again, you should do no contact for another 2 months. He will probably want to come back to you after that. I assume he is in a rebound right now which is why he is not pursuing you. Once his current relationship ends, he will want to try to get back with you.
But like you said in the beginning, I do think you should try to move on and look for a healthier and more stable relationship.
Ok. It's been a month since I commented on your blog. So, I spent time on working on myself and stuff you suggested. The weird thing is, I always feel like he's still part of my life, even when we stopped talking amd stuff, I don't miss just someone in my life, I miss him. There's no reason to still be in love with him, but I just do. How is it possible that I still have such feelings after 2 month of NC?
Anyway, I talked to a friend of mine and he said something like, he belives my ex has a female friend that tells him how to deal with me. And I think my friend has a good point. Usually my ex goes insane when I stop running for him. This time he doesn't. He needed about 5 minutes to give his cool "I don't care answer". That's exactly what he always did when he was asking Female friends what he should do...And actually, you said he's in a rebound right now. He's not. And it makes me worry that he actually is about to loose his feelings for me right now. But is it possible that he just enjoys being single and hanging with his friends? He's not the type of guy that gets to woman. He's usually that friendzoned kind of guy. I will meet him in a month from now at a festival with friends of us and he doesn't know that I'm gonna be there so... I'm not gonna text him at all...just don't have another choice. I'm going to keep doing what You suggested. But for now these
Questions are driving me crazy. How am I supposed to get back together with him when his decisions are depending on a friend of his that wants us to be apart? Does it still work the same? Or are my hopes just finally lost?
Well, you can't control what his friend says to him or what she does to try to influence him. The best you can do is be confident, attractive and fun when you meet him. You still just follow the same strategy. It increases your chances. That's the best you can do. Once the lines of communication is open between you two, hopefully he will start interacting with you a lot more than his female friend and her influence on him will decrease. Just make sure you don't make it obvious you want to get back together.
Kevin, he's different now...He texted me for my birthday and he was pretty...distant, so I talked with him about how my birthday was a,d somehow he said we just kissed at the festival and that's it. And I got nervous si I asked him what's up with us...if I didn't matter anymore, I don't get it...and then he said he's confused and didn't give me hope and he cares about me but he doesn't want to talk, later he said he needs time to think and that he doesn't know what's the best and that it is to much for him now. That he just wanted to be friends, and then I got angry with him and he said that he doesn't understand why I make this drama, that he liked to see me at the festival and he'd like to keep seeing me but the drama would've started as soon as he told me that he had something new after me leaving without saying anything and 4months, and that we are not dating why I would act like that. I was just angry and I still am. What's going on, is he actually suffering from his feelings or did he just lost interests as soon as we kissed and stuff? This just sucks...what do I do now?
Sooooooo...I fucked up. But not the way you would think I have...or maybe yes, the way you think. I was on some sort of truckerfestival and he saw me and he didn't know that I would be there too. So, after we met we started drinking beers, had a really fun time, and we talked about what happened in the time that had passed, I told him about that I started with some sort of healthy lifestyle, and he told me how his work was going and after I got pretty drunk...(he didn't, I'm half asian so I guess getting drunk fast is a thing with me.) I went to the toilet and he joined and then we walked around looking at trucks. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but he is a truckmechanic and I'm a carmechanic. (not the fat kind) and we talked about the engines and he was pretty impressed with what I knew since I only work with cars. Anyway, I don't know what happened, but while we were walkind we were holding hands all out off the sudden, and then I remember that we kissed and yeeah, I don't know how this happened. He wasn't drunk, so he must know...so later he told me that he gave up on all his friends, that he needs me back in his life because without me there would only be chaos, he said he wanted to text me on my birthday(which is today) so he could get me back...and then he confessed that he did have sex with another woman during our no contact, that it was horrible, he just wanted to do it since I told him I would be off to something new too, and I got pretty drunk-pissed with him. I shouldn't be, but in my head I thought that he risked getting back together and...I told him that there was no way of getting back together and then I went back to our cars (in which we would sleep) and he came too...so, we sat there together, and he asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with him for summer, I answered in a pretty shocked way that this just won't happen. And he covered his eyes and went away saying he just needed to go for a walk alone. Later In the evening we were out with our friends and he payd for a drink for me, and I just got pretty drunk again...and there were alot of guys that wanted to dance with me and I just had a really good time, and as far as I remember, he wanted to dance with me too, and I told him to fuck off and not even dare to touch me. So he went back to the cars, and I went there an hour later too and we talked and I fell asleep next to him, and I remember him cry pretty bad...I don't know what I said or what I have done, but he cried...and I don't know how but I somehow bit his finger. Don't ask me why I bit him, I just do it with everything that pops up in front of my head...but I'm usually a very nice person. Anyway, we started kissing and hugging again but we did not have sex. And the day after he just said he didn't want to talk about us and what's up with us, and in the evening we were in the bed together and we talked a little and he told me that he just didn't understand why I left him...and now he would, and the next day he acted very strange like he didn't care about us anymore and I told him to only text me if he wants to do something and not ifnhe feels like that would bring us back together. He said he wasn't sure if kissing and all that stuff was bad or good, and that he would text me. So we both went home, and he didn't text me yet, even when he knows that today is my birthday...on the same weekend another friend of mine(who's like 30 years old) confessed his love to me via text, and another friend of ours just told me pretty sad that I should not do anything I would regret. So, my ex also got jealous a lot of times. Sorry for the long text, I don't get what happened or anything...and I'm worried that he at the end realized that I had feelings for him too and is trying to get back the dominant role or something...or he just gave up, I don't know...it's only been a day since I saw him. Can you tell what's up? I guess I just wait until he texts and if he doesn't I will text him in 2 weeks. Starting over no contact and stuff. But maybe you suggest something better. I'm sorry for keeping this comment being so long, but I can't tell what's a good idea and what not. A few minutes ago it felt like a good idea giving him a text because I got a litle sick and I would ask him if he wanted to hang around a little bit. Stupid, isn't it. Good that I didn't do it. Bad thing is my brain thinks that's the right thing to do right now, so maybe you could be my coach and tell me what to do...
Well, confidence is what makes a person attractive in my opinion, so...I guess I'm working on that for the next few weeks. Thanks a lot for the tips and thanks for calming me down a little.
Kevin, he's different now...He texted me for my birthday and he was pretty...distant, so I talked with him about how my birthday was a,d somehow he said we just kissed at the festival and that's it. And I got nervous si I asked him what's up with us...if I didn't matter anymore, I don't get it...and then he said he's confused and didn't give me hope and he cares about me but he doesn't want to talk, later he said he needs time to think and that he doesn't know what's the best and that it is to much for him now. That he just wanted to be friends, and then I got angry with him and he said that he doesn't understand why I make this drama, that he liked to see me at the festival and he'd like to keep seeing me but the drama would've started as soon as he told me that he had something new after me leaving without saying anything and 4months, and that we are not dating why I would act like that. I was just angry and I still am. What's going on, is he actually suffering from his feelings or did he just lost interests as soon as we kissed and stuff? This just sucks...what do I do now?
Sooooooo...I fucked up. But not the way you would think I have...or maybe yes, the way you think. I was on some sort of truckerfestival and he saw me and he didn't know that I would be there too. So, after we met we started drinking beers, had a really fun time, and we talked about what happened in the time that had passed, I told him about that I started with some sort of healthy lifestyle, and he told me how his work was going and after I got pretty drunk...(he didn't, I'm half asian so I guess getting drunk fast is a thing with me.) I went to the toilet and he joined and then we walked around looking at trucks. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but he is a truckmechanic and I'm a carmechanic. (not the fat kind) and we talked about the engines and he was pretty impressed with what I knew since I only work with cars. Anyway, I don't know what happened, but while we were walkind we were holding hands all out off the sudden, and then I remember that we kissed and yeeah, I don't know how this happened. He wasn't drunk, so he must know...so later he told me that he gave up on all his friends, that he needs me back in his life because without me there would only be chaos, he said he wanted to text me on my birthday(which is today) so he could get me back...and then he confessed that he did have sex with another woman during our no contact, that it was horrible, he just wanted to do it since I told him I would be off to something new too, and I got pretty drunk-pissed with him. I shouldn't be, but in my head I thought that he risked getting back together and...I told him that there was no way of getting back together and then I went back to our cars (in which we would sleep) and he came too...so, we sat there together, and he asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with him for summer, I answered in a pretty shocked way that this just won't happen. And he covered his eyes and went away saying he just needed to go for a walk alone. Later In the evening we were out with our friends and he payd for a drink for me, and I just got pretty drunk again...and there were alot of guys that wanted to dance with me and I just had a really good time, and as far as I remember, he wanted to dance with me too, and I told him to fuck off and not even dare to touch me. So he went back to the cars, and I went there an hour later too and we talked and I fell asleep next to him, and I remember him cry pretty bad...I don't know what I said or what I have done, but he cried...and I don't know how but I somehow bit his finger. Don't ask me why I bit him, I just do it with everything that pops up in front of my head...but I'm usually a very nice person. Anyway, we started kissing and hugging again but we did not have sex. And the day after he just said he didn't want to talk about us and what's up with us, and in the evening we were in the bed together and we talked a little and he told me that he just didn't understand why I left him...and now he would, and the next day he acted very strange like he didn't care about us anymore and I told him to only text me if he wants to do something and not ifnhe feels like that would bring us back together. He said he wasn't sure if kissing and all that stuff was bad or good, and that he would text me. So we both went home, and he didn't text me yet, even when he knows that today is my birthday...on the same weekend another friend of mine(who's like 30 years old) confessed his love to me via text, and another friend of ours just told me pretty sad that I should not do anything I would regret. So, my ex also got jealous a lot of times. Sorry for the long text, I don't get what happened or anything...and I'm worried that he at the end realized that I had feelings for him too and is trying to get back the dominant role or something...or he just gave up, I don't know...it's only been a day since I saw him. Can you tell what's up? I guess I just wait until he texts and if he doesn't I will text him in 2 weeks. Starting over no contact and stuff. But maybe you suggest something better. I'm sorry for keeping this comment being so long, but I can't tell what's a good idea and what not. A few minutes ago it felt like a good idea giving him a text because I got a litle sick and I would ask him if he wanted to hang around a little bit. Stupid, isn't it. Good that I didn't do it. Bad thing is my brain thinks that's the right thing to do right now, so maybe you could be my coach and tell me what to do...
Well, confidence is what makes a person attractive in my opinion, so...I guess I'm working on that for the next few weeks. Thanks a lot for the tips and thanks for calming me down a little.
Kevin, he's different now...He texted me for my birthday and he was pretty...distant, so I talked with him about how my birthday was a,d somehow he said we just kissed at the festival and that's it. And I got nervous si I asked him what's up with us...if I didn't matter anymore, I don't get it...and then he said he's confused and didn't give me hope and he cares about me but he doesn't want to talk, later he said he needs time to think and that he doesn't know what's the best and that it is to much for him now. That he just wanted to be friends, and then I got angry with him and he said that he doesn't understand why I make this drama, that he liked to see me at the festival and he'd like to keep seeing me but the drama would've started as soon as he told me that he had something new after me leaving without saying anything and 4months, and that we are not dating why I would act like that. I was just angry and I still am. What's going on, is he actually suffering from his feelings or did he just lost interests as soon as we kissed and stuff? This just sucks...what do I do now?
Sooooooo...I fucked up. But not the way you would think I have...or maybe yes, the way you think. I was on some sort of truckerfestival and he saw me and he didn't know that I would be there too. So, after we met we started drinking beers, had a really fun time, and we talked about what happened in the time that had passed, I told him about that I started with some sort of healthy lifestyle, and he told me how his work was going and after I got pretty drunk...(he didn't, I'm half asian so I guess getting drunk fast is a thing with me.) I went to the toilet and he joined and then we walked around looking at trucks. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but he is a truckmechanic and I'm a carmechanic. (not the fat kind) and we talked about the engines and he was pretty impressed with what I knew since I only work with cars. Anyway, I don't know what happened, but while we were walkind we were holding hands all out off the sudden, and then I remember that we kissed and yeeah, I don't know how this happened. He wasn't drunk, so he must know...so later he told me that he gave up on all his friends, that he needs me back in his life because without me there would only be chaos, he said he wanted to text me on my birthday(which is today) so he could get me back...and then he confessed that he did have sex with another woman during our no contact, that it was horrible, he just wanted to do it since I told him I would be off to something new too, and I got pretty drunk-pissed with him. I shouldn't be, but in my head I thought that he risked getting back together and...I told him that there was no way of getting back together and then I went back to our cars (in which we would sleep) and he came too...so, we sat there together, and he asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with him for summer, I answered in a pretty shocked way that this just won't happen. And he covered his eyes and went away saying he just needed to go for a walk alone. Later In the evening we were out with our friends and he payd for a drink for me, and I just got pretty drunk again...and there were alot of guys that wanted to dance with me and I just had a really good time, and as far as I remember, he wanted to dance with me too, and I told him to fuck off and not even dare to touch me. So he went back to the cars, and I went there an hour later too and we talked and I fell asleep next to him, and I remember him cry pretty bad...I don't know what I said or what I have done, but he cried...and I don't know how but I somehow bit his finger. Don't ask me why I bit him, I just do it with everything that pops up in front of my head...but I'm usually a very nice person. Anyway, we started kissing and hugging again but we did not have sex. And the day after he just said he didn't want to talk about us and what's up with us, and in the evening we were in the bed together and we talked a little and he told me that he just didn't understand why I left him...and now he would, and the next day he acted very strange like he didn't care about us anymore and I told him to only text me if he wants to do something and not ifnhe feels like that would bring us back together. He said he wasn't sure if kissing and all that stuff was bad or good, and that he would text me. So we both went home, and he didn't text me yet, even when he knows that today is my birthday...on the same weekend another friend of mine(who's like 30 years old) confessed his love to me via text, and another friend of ours just told me pretty sad that I should not do anything I would regret. So, my ex also got jealous a lot of times. Sorry for the long text, I don't get what happened or anything...and I'm worried that he at the end realized that I had feelings for him too and is trying to get back the dominant role or something...or he just gave up, I don't know...it's only been a day since I saw him. Can you tell what's up? I guess I just wait until he texts and if he doesn't I will text him in 2 weeks. Starting over no contact and stuff. But maybe you suggest something better. I'm sorry for keeping this comment being so long, but I can't tell what's a good idea and what not. A few minutes ago it felt like a good idea giving him a text because I got a litle sick and I would ask him if he wanted to hang around a little bit. Stupid, isn't it. Good that I didn't do it. Bad thing is my brain thinks that's the right thing to do right now, so maybe you could be my coach and tell me what to do...
Well, confidence is what makes a person attractive in my opinion, so...I guess I'm working on that for the next few weeks. Thanks a lot for the tips and thanks for calming me down a little.
Kevin, he's different now...He texted me for my birthday and he was pretty...distant, so I talked with him about how my birthday was a,d somehow he said we just kissed at the festival and that's it. And I got nervous si I asked him what's up with us...if I didn't matter anymore, I don't get it...and then he said he's confused and didn't give me hope and he cares about me but he doesn't want to talk, later he said he needs time to think and that he doesn't know what's the best and that it is to much for him now. That he just wanted to be friends, and then I got angry with him and he said that he doesn't understand why I make this drama, that he liked to see me at the festival and he'd like to keep seeing me but the drama would've started as soon as he told me that he had something new after me leaving without saying anything and 4months, and that we are not dating why I would act like that. I was just angry and I still am. What's going on, is he actually suffering from his feelings or did he just lost interests as soon as we kissed and stuff? This just sucks...what do I do now?
Sooooooo...I fucked up. But not the way you would think I have...or maybe yes, the way you think. I was on some sort of truckerfestival and he saw me and he didn't know that I would be there too. So, after we met we started drinking beers, had a really fun time, and we talked about what happened in the time that had passed, I told him about that I started with some sort of healthy lifestyle, and he told me how his work was going and after I got pretty drunk...(he didn't, I'm half asian so I guess getting drunk fast is a thing with me.) I went to the toilet and he joined and then we walked around looking at trucks. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but he is a truckmechanic and I'm a carmechanic. (not the fat kind) and we talked about the engines and he was pretty impressed with what I knew since I only work with cars. Anyway, I don't know what happened, but while we were walkind we were holding hands all out off the sudden, and then I remember that we kissed and yeeah, I don't know how this happened. He wasn't drunk, so he must know...so later he told me that he gave up on all his friends, that he needs me back in his life because without me there would only be chaos, he said he wanted to text me on my birthday(which is today) so he could get me back...and then he confessed that he did have sex with another woman during our no contact, that it was horrible, he just wanted to do it since I told him I would be off to something new too, and I got pretty drunk-pissed with him. I shouldn't be, but in my head I thought that he risked getting back together and...I told him that there was no way of getting back together and then I went back to our cars (in which we would sleep) and he came too...so, we sat there together, and he asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with him for summer, I answered in a pretty shocked way that this just won't happen. And he covered his eyes and went away saying he just needed to go for a walk alone. Later In the evening we were out with our friends and he payd for a drink for me, and I just got pretty drunk again...and there were alot of guys that wanted to dance with me and I just had a really good time, and as far as I remember, he wanted to dance with me too, and I told him to fuck off and not even dare to touch me. So he went back to the cars, and I went there an hour later too and we talked and I fell asleep next to him, and I remember him cry pretty bad...I don't know what I said or what I have done, but he cried...and I don't know how but I somehow bit his finger. Don't ask me why I bit him, I just do it with everything that pops up in front of my head...but I'm usually a very nice person. Anyway, we started kissing and hugging again but we did not have sex. And the day after he just said he didn't want to talk about us and what's up with us, and in the evening we were in the bed together and we talked a little and he told me that he just didn't understand why I left him...and now he would, and the next day he acted very strange like he didn't care about us anymore and I told him to only text me if he wants to do something and not ifnhe feels like that would bring us back together. He said he wasn't sure if kissing and all that stuff was bad or good, and that he would text me. So we both went home, and he didn't text me yet, even when he knows that today is my birthday...on the same weekend another friend of mine(who's like 30 years old) confessed his love to me via text, and another friend of ours just told me pretty sad that I should not do anything I would regret. So, my ex also got jealous a lot of times. Sorry for the long text, I don't get what happened or anything...and I'm worried that he at the end realized that I had feelings for him too and is trying to get back the dominant role or something...or he just gave up, I don't know...it's only been a day since I saw him. Can you tell what's up? I guess I just wait until he texts and if he doesn't I will text him in 2 weeks. Starting over no contact and stuff. But maybe you suggest something better. I'm sorry for keeping this comment being so long, but I can't tell what's a good idea and what not. A few minutes ago it felt like a good idea giving him a text because I got a litle sick and I would ask him if he wanted to hang around a little bit. Stupid, isn't it. Good that I didn't do it. Bad thing is my brain thinks that's the right thing to do right now, so maybe you could be my coach and tell me what to do...
Well, confidence is what makes a person attractive in my opinion, so...I guess I'm working on that for the next few weeks. Thanks a lot for the tips and thanks for calming me down a little.
Kevin, he's different now...He texted me for my birthday and he was pretty...distant, so I talked with him about how my birthday was a,d somehow he said we just kissed at the festival and that's it. And I got nervous si I asked him what's up with us...if I didn't matter anymore, I don't get it...and then he said he's confused and didn't give me hope and he cares about me but he doesn't want to talk, later he said he needs time to think and that he doesn't know what's the best and that it is to much for him now. That he just wanted to be friends, and then I got angry with him and he said that he doesn't understand why I make this drama, that he liked to see me at the festival and he'd like to keep seeing me but the drama would've started as soon as he told me that he had something new after me leaving without saying anything and 4months, and that we are not dating why I would act like that. I was just angry and I still am. What's going on, is he actually suffering from his feelings or did he just lost interests as soon as we kissed and stuff? This just sucks...what do I do now?
Sooooooo...I fucked up. But not the way you would think I have...or maybe yes, the way you think. I was on some sort of truckerfestival and he saw me and he didn't know that I would be there too. So, after we met we started drinking beers, had a really fun time, and we talked about what happened in the time that had passed, I told him about that I started with some sort of healthy lifestyle, and he told me how his work was going and after I got pretty drunk...(he didn't, I'm half asian so I guess getting drunk fast is a thing with me.) I went to the toilet and he joined and then we walked around looking at trucks. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but he is a truckmechanic and I'm a carmechanic. (not the fat kind) and we talked about the engines and he was pretty impressed with what I knew since I only work with cars. Anyway, I don't know what happened, but while we were walkind we were holding hands all out off the sudden, and then I remember that we kissed and yeeah, I don't know how this happened. He wasn't drunk, so he must know...so later he told me that he gave up on all his friends, that he needs me back in his life because without me there would only be chaos, he said he wanted to text me on my birthday(which is today) so he could get me back...and then he confessed that he did have sex with another woman during our no contact, that it was horrible, he just wanted to do it since I told him I would be off to something new too, and I got pretty drunk-pissed with him. I shouldn't be, but in my head I thought that he risked getting back together and...I told him that there was no way of getting back together and then I went back to our cars (in which we would sleep) and he came too...so, we sat there together, and he asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with him for summer, I answered in a pretty shocked way that this just won't happen. And he covered his eyes and went away saying he just needed to go for a walk alone. Later In the evening we were out with our friends and he payd for a drink for me, and I just got pretty drunk again...and there were alot of guys that wanted to dance with me and I just had a really good time, and as far as I remember, he wanted to dance with me too, and I told him to fuck off and not even dare to touch me. So he went back to the cars, and I went there an hour later too and we talked and I fell asleep next to him, and I remember him cry pretty bad...I don't know what I said or what I have done, but he cried...and I don't know how but I somehow bit his finger. Don't ask me why I bit him, I just do it with everything that pops up in front of my head...but I'm usually a very nice person. Anyway, we started kissing and hugging again but we did not have sex. And the day after he just said he didn't want to talk about us and what's up with us, and in the evening we were in the bed together and we talked a little and he told me that he just didn't understand why I left him...and now he would, and the next day he acted very strange like he didn't care about us anymore and I told him to only text me if he wants to do something and not ifnhe feels like that would bring us back together. He said he wasn't sure if kissing and all that stuff was bad or good, and that he would text me. So we both went home, and he didn't text me yet, even when he knows that today is my birthday...on the same weekend another friend of mine(who's like 30 years old) confessed his love to me via text, and another friend of ours just told me pretty sad that I should not do anything I would regret. So, my ex also got jealous a lot of times. Sorry for the long text, I don't get what happened or anything...and I'm worried that he at the end realized that I had feelings for him too and is trying to get back the dominant role or something...or he just gave up, I don't know...it's only been a day since I saw him. Can you tell what's up? I guess I just wait until he texts and if he doesn't I will text him in 2 weeks. Starting over no contact and stuff. But maybe you suggest something better. I'm sorry for keeping this comment being so long, but I can't tell what's a good idea and what not. A few minutes ago it felt like a good idea giving him a text because I got a litle sick and I would ask him if he wanted to hang around a little bit. Stupid, isn't it. Good that I didn't do it. Bad thing is my brain thinks that's the right thing to do right now, so maybe you could be my coach and tell me what to do...
Well, confidence is what makes a person attractive in my opinion, so...I guess I'm working on that for the next few weeks. Thanks a lot for the tips and thanks for calming me down a little.
Well, you can't control what his friend says to him or what she does to try to influence him. The best you can do is be confident, attractive and fun when you meet him. You still just follow the same strategy. It increases your chances. That's the best you can do. Once the lines of communication is open between you two, hopefully he will start interacting with you a lot more than his female friend and her influence on him will decrease. Just make sure you don't make it obvious you want to get back together.
Well, you can't control what his friend says to him or what she does to try to influence him. The best you can do is be confident, attractive and fun when you meet him. You still just follow the same strategy. It increases your chances. That's the best you can do. Once the lines of communication is open between you two, hopefully he will start interacting with you a lot more than his female friend and her influence on him will decrease. Just make sure you don't make it obvious you want to get back together.
Well, you can't control what his friend says to him or what she does to try to influence him. The best you can do is be confident, attractive and fun when you meet him. You still just follow the same strategy. It increases your chances. That's the best you can do. Once the lines of communication is open between you two, hopefully he will start interacting with you a lot more than his female friend and her influence on him will decrease. Just make sure you don't make it obvious you want to get back together.
I did read it...and I'm really surprised and thankful for your answer...it must take a lot time to answer all these questions...and He just texted me today that he would like to meet up to clear up all that hatred...I didn't answer...I was kinda surprised that he even texted me because I assumed that he tried to move on...I don't think he's in a rebound... I think someone would tell me that...but he probably is enjoying his single life with friends that keep telling him how much of a bitch I am...
Anyway...even if that is the case or isn't I give you 100% of my trust and follow this plan. 2more months...I'll do it
Actually, I read like 75% of your blog, and I really really love the way you are. Especially how you put in these pictures and meme's...I assume you're visiting 9gag or reddit often. Usually I am the one who tells my friends how to deal with a breakup or help them how to get back a ex...but none of them could ever answer me these questions. so you played that part now. Thanks a lot for being the friend that I don't have and being that coach that tells me what to do when I was about to freak out. If you have the time and motivation on telling me why he texted me about the meetup again...please comment on this. I'm kinda scared that he wants to rub something in my face so I won't answer for at least 2 weeks or...not even then. actually...2 months...right? :/
have a nice evening, a nice morning and day...
Greetings-marshall
Ok. It's been a month since I commented on your blog. So, I spent time on working on myself and stuff you suggested. The weird thing is, I always feel like he's still part of my life, even when we stopped talking amd stuff, I don't miss just someone in my life, I miss him. There's no reason to still be in love with him, but I just do. How is it possible that I still have such feelings after 2 month of NC?
Anyway, I talked to a friend of mine and he said something like, he belives my ex has a female friend that tells him how to deal with me. And I think my friend has a good point. Usually my ex goes insane when I stop running for him. This time he doesn't. He needed about 5 minutes to give his cool "I don't care answer". That's exactly what he always did when he was asking Female friends what he should do...And actually, you said he's in a rebound right now. He's not. And it makes me worry that he actually is about to loose his feelings for me right now. But is it possible that he just enjoys being single and hanging with his friends? He's not the type of guy that gets to woman. He's usually that friendzoned kind of guy. I will meet him in a month from now at a festival with friends of us and he doesn't know that I'm gonna be there so... I'm not gonna text him at all...just don't have another choice. I'm going to keep doing what You suggested. But for now these
Questions are driving me crazy. How am I supposed to get back together with him when his decisions are depending on a friend of his that wants us to be apart? Does it still work the same? Or are my hopes just finally lost?
I did read it...and I'm really surprised and thankful for your answer...it must take a lot time to answer all these questions...and He just texted me today that he would like to meet up to clear up all that hatred...I didn't answer...I was kinda surprised that he even texted me because I assumed that he tried to move on...I don't think he's in a rebound... I think someone would tell me that...but he probably is enjoying his single life with friends that keep telling him how much of a bitch I am...
Anyway...even if that is the case or isn't I give you 100% of my trust and follow this plan. 2more months...I'll do it
Actually, I read like 75% of your blog, and I really really love the way you are. Especially how you put in these pictures and meme's...I assume you're visiting 9gag or reddit often. Usually I am the one who tells my friends how to deal with a breakup or help them how to get back a ex...but none of them could ever answer me these questions. so you played that part now. Thanks a lot for being the friend that I don't have and being that coach that tells me what to do when I was about to freak out. If you have the time and motivation on telling me why he texted me about the meetup again...please comment on this. I'm kinda scared that he wants to rub something in my face so I won't answer for at least 2 weeks or...not even then. actually...2 months...right? :/
have a nice evening, a nice morning and day...
Greetings-marshall
Ok. It's been a month since I commented on your blog. So, I spent time on working on myself and stuff you suggested. The weird thing is, I always feel like he's still part of my life, even when we stopped talking amd stuff, I don't miss just someone in my life, I miss him. There's no reason to still be in love with him, but I just do. How is it possible that I still have such feelings after 2 month of NC?
Anyway, I talked to a friend of mine and he said something like, he belives my ex has a female friend that tells him how to deal with me. And I think my friend has a good point. Usually my ex goes insane when I stop running for him. This time he doesn't. He needed about 5 minutes to give his cool "I don't care answer". That's exactly what he always did when he was asking Female friends what he should do...And actually, you said he's in a rebound right now. He's not. And it makes me worry that he actually is about to loose his feelings for me right now. But is it possible that he just enjoys being single and hanging with his friends? He's not the type of guy that gets to woman. He's usually that friendzoned kind of guy. I will meet him in a month from now at a festival with friends of us and he doesn't know that I'm gonna be there so... I'm not gonna text him at all...just don't have another choice. I'm going to keep doing what You suggested. But for now these
Questions are driving me crazy. How am I supposed to get back together with him when his decisions are depending on a friend of his that wants us to be apart? Does it still work the same? Or are my hopes just finally lost?
I did read it...and I'm really surprised and thankful for your answer...it must take a lot time to answer all these questions...and He just texted me today that he would like to meet up to clear up all that hatred...I didn't answer...I was kinda surprised that he even texted me because I assumed that he tried to move on...I don't think he's in a rebound... I think someone would tell me that...but he probably is enjoying his single life with friends that keep telling him how much of a bitch I am...
Anyway...even if that is the case or isn't I give you 100% of my trust and follow this plan. 2more months...I'll do it
Actually, I read like 75% of your blog, and I really really love the way you are. Especially how you put in these pictures and meme's...I assume you're visiting 9gag or reddit often. Usually I am the one who tells my friends how to deal with a breakup or help them how to get back a ex...but none of them could ever answer me these questions. so you played that part now. Thanks a lot for being the friend that I don't have and being that coach that tells me what to do when I was about to freak out. If you have the time and motivation on telling me why he texted me about the meetup again...please comment on this. I'm kinda scared that he wants to rub something in my face so I won't answer for at least 2 weeks or...not even then. actually...2 months...right? :/
have a nice evening, a nice morning and day...
Greetings-marshall
Hey Marshall,
Did you read the 5 step plan?
Also, if you do want to try again, you should do no contact for another 2 months. He will probably want to come back to you after that. I assume he is in a rebound right now which is why he is not pursuing you. Once his current relationship ends, he will want to try to get back with you.
But like you said in the beginning, I do think you should try to move on and look for a healthier and more stable relationship.
Hey Kevin,
I met a guy through a group of mutual friends when I was on vacation last year in December. We decided to jump into a long distance relationship and the first two months were perfect. His close friend asked me to partner with him for a business venture, as I was pondering the decision, I asked my boyfriend for his blessing to partner with his friend and he told me that I should do as I please due to conflict of interest he could not give his opinion. I decided to join the business venture without telling my boyfriend the decision that I had made. My boyfriend later on found out from his friend my actions. He was disappointed and thought that I was not loyal to him and our relationship. I have been begging for forgiveness for the past two months and even bought a ticket to see him in South Africa in May.
The past few weeks he has been acting strange and not communicating as we used to,. He felt justified in his actions since I betrayed him. I decided to pull the plug on the relationship as I was feeling neglected, I explained to him that I just wanted to be friends until we could find a way to make our relationship work. He lost hope in us because he said he could no longer trust me and with the distance all odds were against me.
Deep down I know I love him and I have never felt for anybody the way that I feel for him. I begged him to give us a chance as well as to allow us to spend time together in May and he continues to deny all requests because he said he does not want to fall for me all over again. I decided to cancel my ticket to see him as well have no contact with him for at least 30 days. I want my relationship back but I am confused about two things, if trust is lost in a long distance is it worth trying to gain it back and is he even worth getting back to because of his unforgiving spirit.
What do you think?
I want my
Hey fifi,
I think you'll answer your last question during no contact. I think if you decide to get back together, it is possible to rebuild trust. But to be honest, I don't think you really betrayed him since you asked him before making the decision and he told you to do as you please. I don't think there is any betrayal. If there's something, it's lack of communication on his part.
Hey fifi,
I think you'll answer your last question during no contact. I think if you decide to get back together, it is possible to rebuild trust. But to be honest, I don't think you really betrayed him since you asked him before making the decision and he told you to do as you please. I don't think there is any betrayal. If there's something, it's lack of communication on his part.
Kevin,
My ex and I dated a little over two years and she just threw the curve ball out that she was unhappy with her life, us, her job, mostly everything and she hasn't been feeling like herself. Before she "ended" it which was her basically saying she's clocked out, needs time and space, and needs to work on herself. My stance was I'll help you through this because were a team, but she needs to do it herself.
My problem is I wasn't very attentive to her. I had trouble saying I love you in the beginning of our relationship because I had been hurt a lot and the words lost their meaning to me for awhile there. But I knew I liked her. I said I love you a few times during our two years and three months. She said I was her it, I completed her, that she never felt this way and that she'd wait for me to come around to eventually start showing and showering her with love and saying I love you affection.
Add to this that I use to have issues with marriage. But I never thought about it with her, and all of sudden it made since me. I wrote a hand written note during our first week of no contact. She said she appreciated it, and knows I'm sincere and that it's not out of desperation but she basically resents me now for not saying I love you back for so long. SO I don't want to beat her over the head with it now obviously. She keeps saying "Let it be, and if things bring us back together, they will" or "if it's meant to be, it'll be"
I'm totally besides myself. I'm an idiot for not realizing how much she meant to me in the beginning and I'm filled with regret and resent myself now. We even still have a vacation planned in another month, that I may have to cancel now. Do I give her time and space to find herself and figure it all out, I feel like this was a wake up call and slap in my face to realize holy crap. I may have just lost the only girl i could see myself marrying. Thanks man. I appreciate you reading this.
Hey Joe,
I think you do have a chance. Yes, you should give her space and get back in touch a week or so before the planned vacation.
Thanks for the reply Kevin. So nothing else until then? I did call her Sunday but it was because my grandmother was rushed to the hospital and I needed to talk, and she consoled me. But said the next day she still feels confident in decision. I should just stand back, and hope she contacts me? I feel she is worth fighting for. My fear is I was so lax and careless in the relationship me easing off just shows I really don't care.
Thankyou for the feedback again kevin. That's a good point. I've also just started seeing a therapist. For my own sake, but I also want to get better for her. To get over any issues I had, to realize what I was doing wrong, and to never do them again. And for us. It seems a bit extreme maybe, but I fully feel that she could be the one, and it's totally worth self improvement. She's been quiet on all front lately. With each passing day you think it would get easier, but my heart just grows more fonder of her. I realize now looking back that I wasn't sure if I was in love with her or the idea of her being in love with me. I couldn't tell the two apart. But this break up has really put things into perspective. I just hope it's never too late.
If you try to be attentive right now, she will just think that you are doing it to get her back and when you get her back, you will go back to your old ways.
Thankyou for the feedback again kevin. That's a good point. I've also just started seeing a therapist. For my own sake, but I also want to get better for her. To get over any issues I had, to realize what I was doing wrong, and to never do them again. And for us. It seems a bit extreme maybe, but I fully feel that she could be the one, and it's totally worth self improvement. She's been quiet on all front lately. With each passing day you think it would get easier, but my heart just grows more fonder of her. I realize now looking back that I wasn't sure if I was in love with her or the idea of her being in love with me. I couldn't tell the two apart. But this break up has really put things into perspective. I just hope it's never too late.
If you try to be attentive right now, she will just think that you are doing it to get her back and when you get her back, you will go back to your old ways.
Thankyou for the feedback again kevin. That's a good point. I've also just started seeing a therapist. For my own sake, but I also want to get better for her. To get over any issues I had, to realize what I was doing wrong, and to never do them again. And for us. It seems a bit extreme maybe, but I fully feel that she could be the one, and it's totally worth self improvement. She's been quiet on all front lately. With each passing day you think it would get easier, but my heart just grows more fonder of her. I realize now looking back that I wasn't sure if I was in love with her or the idea of her being in love with me. I couldn't tell the two apart. But this break up has really put things into perspective. I just hope it's never too late.
If you try to be attentive right now, she will just think that you are doing it to get her back and when you get her back, you will go back to your old ways.
Thankyou for the feedback again kevin. That's a good point. I've also just started seeing a therapist. For my own sake, but I also want to get better for her. To get over any issues I had, to realize what I was doing wrong, and to never do them again. And for us. It seems a bit extreme maybe, but I fully feel that she could be the one, and it's totally worth self improvement. She's been quiet on all front lately. With each passing day you think it would get easier, but my heart just grows more fonder of her. I realize now looking back that I wasn't sure if I was in love with her or the idea of her being in love with me. I couldn't tell the two apart. But this break up has really put things into perspective. I just hope it's never too late.
If you try to be attentive right now, she will just think that you are doing it to get her back and when you get her back, you will go back to your old ways.
Thanks for the reply Kevin. So nothing else until then? I did call her Sunday but it was because my grandmother was rushed to the hospital and I needed to talk, and she consoled me. But said the next day she still feels confident in decision. I should just stand back, and hope she contacts me? I feel she is worth fighting for. My fear is I was so lax and careless in the relationship me easing off just shows I really don't care.
Thanks for the reply Kevin. So nothing else until then? I did call her Sunday but it was because my grandmother was rushed to the hospital and I needed to talk, and she consoled me. But said the next day she still feels confident in decision. I should just stand back, and hope she contacts me? I feel she is worth fighting for. My fear is I was so lax and careless in the relationship me easing off just shows I really don't care.
Hey Joe,
I think you do have a chance. Yes, you should give her space and get back in touch a week or so before the planned vacation.
Hi Kevin,
Now my situation is a little more complicated, so hope you can help. I was the one that ended it with my ex Gemma in August last year, however we have seen each other a few times after this. I am with someone new and she is also with someone new and there has been bit contact the last few weeks. Even tho I was tho one that ended this, I know realised I want her back, but at the same time I am worried that all the rows, etc we had will happen again, but I/we both know and both said to each other in rebound relationships and still tell each other we love each other, now I want my ex back and have unblocked her from all social medias in hope she will get in touch, should I contact her or wait for her? Please advise, Sarah.
If she doesn't contact you in a month, you should contact her.
If she doesn't contact you in a month, you should contact her.
Hi Kevin, I am very glad to came across your website. I really need your guidance.
My ex (29) and me (29) were in on and off relationship for three years. We broke up three times, literally once every year, each for different reason. Everytime I tried to move on after he dumped me, he always pulling me back. Please note that we were mostly lives in different cities, countries, or even continent during our relationship. Strangely enough, everytime he knew he already won me back, then he'll start to take me for granted again. Tired of this circle, last Thursday I've sent him an email stated that I am calling it off and letting him go. He agreed to it and suggested that we should stop contact altogether. He even happily blocked me from his whatsapp, he used the word "happily" when he told me this. I contacted him to tell him that I want to take my stuff from his place, he refused to give it back, using excuses that now I am still studying in different city and he could help to keep my stuff until I move back to our city and find new house.
I really don't know what to do. He kept giving me mixed signals and because I still love him, it confused me a lot. Will the no contact rules works, if it has been applied two times in our last two break-ups (unconsciously applied, because that time I really want to move on). He seems doing very fine and maybe already indeed letting me go completely. But I still want him back, permanently.
Thanks a lot for your advice. Really appreciate it!
Yes, no contact rule will still be effective. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, no contact rule will still be effective. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi there,
Great advice here:-) really like it.
I have followed your advice for a few week now. He has responded very positive to my texts for the past 2 months, but he hasn't asked me to meet me yet What do I do?
Continue positive texts for another few weeks and then ask him out yourself.
Continue positive texts for another few weeks and then ask him out yourself.
Hey Kevin,
My girl friend/mother of my child and I, of 7 years separated in February. We were each other's first love. We were having a lot of arguments in the past year, regarding money, moving to a new place, and of me not spending quality time with her, even though I worked 7 days a week. At first she said she needed space, but I constantly pressured her to coming back until she decided to break up with me for good. During the last couple months we had intercourse, arguments and at this point she is still hurt and wants me to move on and to leave her alone. She is only interested in texting or talking about our daughter, but says she is not ready to talk about our feelings. I haven't tried no contact, and is it enough to bring her back? What else should I do? Mother's day is coming up soon, and should I give her anything?
In many cases, no contact is enough. But in some cases, you will have to reach out to her after no contact. Detailed explanation is in the 5 step plan.
In many cases, no contact is enough. But in some cases, you will have to reach out to her after no contact. Detailed explanation is in the 5 step plan.
Our 3 years (almost) true honest pure relationship broke up because I slapped her (I am not that type of person but I was having a hard time that time) . I was trying to put the relationship to end but after getting slapped she expected me to get back for almost 20 days which I avoided. Then I started missing her and contacted her and could know that she was having serious family problem. I felt sorry and became guilty. I would email her and she would reply whenever she could but she was serious that she is not going to keep this relationship. After I slap her, almost 3 months have been passed and her mom died suddenly and I felt more guilty. That time she started acting like crazy , she started saying that she hates me etc etc but I was in a sorry stage. Then after almost 15 days of her moms death I called her and we argued a lot and she said "ok I will continue relationship with you but you have to prove yourself. If you get 90 out of 100 in 2 months in my marking , that means you are a good human being and I will get back to you. I agreed and one day of our 2 month period she told me that she still loves me and thats why she had given me the chance.. I gained much numbers and suddenly I realised that even if I get 90 and get back to the relationship , I will not become happy. I will be more happy if I fail but she accepts me. Then I again started acting differently and ended up getting 75 points. Then we broke up. Before breaking up she said she cant trust me , I am a selfish person. Other than that she also said "please dont contact me for at least 1 month " (does that mean she wants me to contact after 1 month?) ... what can I do ? Almost 10 days have passed and I am leading a happy life now. Sometimes I miss her but I am doing everything i can do to make myself happy. I am gymming, earning money, going out with friends , and showing my happines in facebook (should I continue showing it?) . I still want her because I love her and whave feelings for her. What do you think would be best for me ?
Hey George,
You shouldn't contact her for at least one and half month. If she wants to contact you after one month, she has fifteen days. If she doesn't and if you still want to get back together, get back in touch with her.
Hey George,
You shouldn't contact her for at least one and half month. If she wants to contact you after one month, she has fifteen days. If she doesn't and if you still want to get back together, get back in touch with her.
Dear Kevin,
I left a comment a couple days back. I would like to know how long to apply the no contact rule for if I have been with her for three years?
Hey Mark,
I didn't receive your previous comment for some reason. You should apply no contact for at least one month. Use the checklist in the beginning of step 4 to determine when to end it.
Hey Mark,
I didn't receive your previous comment for some reason. You should apply no contact for at least one month. Use the checklist in the beginning of step 4 to determine when to end it.
I miss my ex like crazy. We were fighting too much towards the end of our 3 year relationship because he was always too buys for me. After meeting up last week e told me he needs to prioritize his life and become his own person. He is 26 and still feels like he has so much to learn before he can prioritize someone else. This did give me closure but I miss him more every day. I told him I would respect his decision even though I wanted us to work things out. I suggested a lot of solutions but he kept saying I can't say yes to anything right now and that this is too hard. I know part of him still loves me but I need to know whether we still have a chance if he hasn't found himself. Also, I am moving back to Europe in December. The plan was that he would eventually be there with me. He says he will not be able to figure himself out by the time I leave. But that we will be on better terms before I leave. Is there any chance for us? Will he ever realize he made a mistake? Or when a guy says he needs to find himself, does it mean it is over?
There is a chance that he will realize that he wants you in his life and want to come back. However, don't expect it to happen anytime soon. Follow the 5 step plan and keep no contact for at least 3 months.
There is a chance that he will realize that he wants you in his life and want to come back. However, don't expect it to happen anytime soon. Follow the 5 step plan and keep no contact for at least 3 months.
My ex broke up with me 6 months ago due to our relationship becoming long distance and my family not accepting him. He said he couldn't see a future together, but he has kept in contact with me everyday since we broke up. And he has since moved back to the area. I am still in love with him but I don't know if he wants to be with me. What should I do?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hello, I hope you can help me.
Basically me and my ex split up 6 months ago and throughout this time he has been very hot and cold. Inviting me round but then not replying on the day it was meant to happen, going for a few drinks and telling me he still loves me and he's sorry and he kissed me and hinted at a future together. But since then he's now telling me he doesn't love me, doesn't want to be with me, he is emotionless when he hears my name. Things like that.
He's moving abroad for 6 months in May, and said he will meet me for a drink when he's back but this does not mean we will get back together... I always have to text him first too. I also have a feeling he is talking to other girls too. I've also asked him to meet me for closure, but he refuses too saying he doesn't want to see me.
I am just so confused about whether we will sort this out, he really is the love of my life and we lived together and have a dog together. I'm just not sure where I stand. We were together officially a year, but had been dating 6 months previous to that. What would be the best approach to take?
Any help will be muchly appreciated, thank you :).
Best approach is to leave him for a while. If he is moving abroad for 6 months, I'll suggest you keep no contact till the time he comes back. Make a lot of positive changes in your life till then and when he comes back, get back in touch with him.
Basically, I have done the no contact thing for a week... And I have still not responded. He has tried to ring me 4 times during it. Sent me about 8 texts, the first being little silly things like "what?" And "?" Even though I hadn't said anything. He then accused me of cheating on him whilst we were together. Even though he knows deep down I never would. The last night before he boarded the plane he sent me this.
"Just want to say before I leave the country, thanks for fucking my life up and ruining a friendship
I hope you didn't reply back. You should contact him till you finish no contact. If he keeps on messaging you, tell him you need some space and time.
I hope you didn't reply back. You should contact him till you finish no contact. If he keeps on messaging you, tell him you need some space and time.
I hope you didn't reply back. You should contact him till you finish no contact. If he keeps on messaging you, tell him you need some space and time.
I hope you didn't reply back. You should contact him till you finish no contact. If he keeps on messaging you, tell him you need some space and time.
Basically, I have done the no contact thing for a week... And I have still not responded. He has tried to ring me 4 times during it. Sent me about 8 texts, the first being little silly things like "what?" And "?" Even though I hadn't said anything. He then accused me of cheating on him whilst we were together. Even though he knows deep down I never would. The last night before he boarded the plane he sent me this.
"Just want to say before I leave the country, thanks for fucking my life up and ruining a friendship
Basically, I have done the no contact thing for a week... And I have still not responded. He has tried to ring me 4 times during it. Sent me about 8 texts, the first being little silly things like "what?" And "?" Even though I hadn't said anything. He then accused me of cheating on him whilst we were together. Even though he knows deep down I never would. The last night before he boarded the plane he sent me this.
"Just want to say before I leave the country, thanks for fucking my life up and ruining a friendship
Best approach is to leave him for a while. If he is moving abroad for 6 months, I'll suggest you keep no contact till the time he comes back. Make a lot of positive changes in your life till then and when he comes back, get back in touch with him.
Hey kevin,
First off your emails are amazing and they seriously get me through every day.
But I have some male behavior I need your help decoding.
Me and my ex have been broken up for nearly a month now.
I've been on NC for almost two weeks
I noticed a few days ago that he was listening to a playlist he made for me during our relationship. it was a "love playlist"... and i was kinda of wondering why?
I haven't done anything it seems for him to miss me....
Why do you think he is listening to this and is it a good sign?
Part of me is scared its about a different girl but idk
Hey Soph,
I am glad the emails are helping. As for the playlist, it might be a good sign. But it's hard to tell since it's such a small thing. It could mean a lot of things. You shouldn't be obsessing over small things like this during no contact.
Hey Soph,
I am glad the emails are helping. As for the playlist, it might be a good sign. But it's hard to tell since it's such a small thing. It could mean a lot of things. You shouldn't be obsessing over small things like this during no contact.
Hey Kevin
I dated my ex for 4 months and the last month she has been living with me because her family moved overseas (I'm in Australia and her family is in New Zealand). We had a lot of arguments as we are young and it was my first proper relationship and when I look back on it now everything was my fault from always wanting to go out, not sacrificing things for what she wanted to do etc. she told me that she's seen a side of me that she never expected from me and I feel like an idiot. She is moving back to nz to study and I want her back after she does and there could possibly be another guy in the picture she has known since she was younger
What should I do
Cheers
Follow the advise in the article.
Follow the advise in the article.
Could you go over the 30 day no contact, say you did 50 days? Would that be better or worse to your relationship? And what might be the maximum time of no contact?
Thanks
Hey Jason,
It depends on the type of relationship and the type of breakup. You should do no contact till it's necessary. There is a checklist at the beginning of step 4. If you don't meet the requirement of ending no contact, then you should extend it. As for the maximum time, again it depends on the relationship. Some people get back together after years of no contact.
Hey, I'm not Kevin but I believe that he suggests you take as much time as you need to better yourself, so if that takes 50 days, then take 50 days! Whatever you need to improve yourself.
Hey Jason,
It depends on the type of relationship and the type of breakup. You should do no contact till it's necessary. There is a checklist at the beginning of step 4. If you don't meet the requirement of ending no contact, then you should extend it. As for the maximum time, again it depends on the relationship. Some people get back together after years of no contact.
Hey, I'm not Kevin but I believe that he suggests you take as much time as you need to better yourself, so if that takes 50 days, then take 50 days! Whatever you need to improve yourself.
Hey Kevin,
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago. We were together for a year and seven months. So, I did all of the wrong things in the beginning. After we broke up he was really close to my cousins, so that's who he talked to while I had no one. I did the wrong thing by calling and texting him nonstop. I went to his apartment and forcefully talked to him in person to try and talk to him. Before the in person conversation he blocked me on all social media, but said he would unblock me when I calmed down. I was wondering my next steps exactly since I feel that I'm already 5 steps behind the start of this. Mostly the problem with the relationship was our constant fights with one another over petty things because we started living together 1 month into the relationship. I also told one of my cousins to tell him that I wanted space with zero contact. Any advice would help I love him very dearly.
Hey,
I don't think you are 5 steps behind. A lot of people screw up after breakup and it's not a big deal. You've already started no contact, so continue with the plan.
Hey,
I don't think you are 5 steps behind. A lot of people screw up after breakup and it's not a big deal. You've already started no contact, so continue with the plan.
hey kevin i hav commented you but you havn't answered yet please answer please..
I answered you here Sandy.
I answered you here Sandy.
My girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with with an email message at exactly the 2 year mark of our relationship. She would not answer my call or text messages on the day she sent the email. I basically had to reason with her to get her to talk to me. During this conversation she told me "why be without someone who you don't want to marry." Granted the month before she had picked out her engagement ring and was talking about it all the time. So I gave her the "break" she requested. Granted the day after she work the breakup email she texted me "I didn't mean to hurt you." I wrote back that I understood. 2 weeks went by and she contacted me that she needed us to meet up so that she could the things she left at my house and to give me back my key. I agreed but she broke the original date. When we finally meet up at a neutral place on Valentines Day she was cold and distant. Didn't went to engage me in anyway. She just wanted to do the exchange and leave, But she did mention the dating profile that I had re-activated. I told her I only did it because I was hurt and that she would not talk to me. Told her that I really don't want to be on that site and that I loved her. Well after the exchange she texted me on my way home saying thanks. I replied with "please stop contacting me" and "run run run away". I was at my end with her. Anyways a few more weeks go by with no contact. She contacts me again saying that I still had something of hers at my place. I realized that a few weeks back but didn't want to bother her seeing how bad our last interaction went. I emailed her saying that I could bring her item to her one day the follow week and that I missed having her in my life. Her response was that she missed me too but needed to get some things in her life straight. Seems like a break though. But I was wrong. So another month goes by and while on Facebook I see she is tagged in a pic in a hugging pose with another guy. And this guy made the pic is profile pic. So I text her and ask if she has moved on and that I thought we were at least going to talk. She said she was wrong for emailing me when she broke things off but I was wrong for the things I said afterward. She also said she told her family and friends that I was a good person but we were not right for each other. I am like what? She said she has moved on. I blew up in the follow-up text messages and I probably will regret that but I am human and still in love with her. Next thing I see is that she changes her Facebook profile pic to the one of her and the new guy. Literally 30 mins after I said something to her about it. She is not one to live her life over Facebook so I found this odd. She basically had the same profile pic up when I meet her until I said something for 2 years. And the new guy is totally different. A different race and has a daughter. She always told me she would not date someone with kids. Is this a rebound? She is awfully cold to me. Should I just give up and move on? She is 34 and I am 40. Tod her yesterday that I hated her.
Yes, it's probably a rebound. It's upto you to decide whether you should move on or not. That's why you should implement the no contact rule for at least 30 days.
Yes, it's probably a rebound. It's upto you to decide whether you should move on or not. That's why you should implement the no contact rule for at least 30 days.
Hey Kevin,
I started a new relationship in February of this year for the first time in two years. My ex broke up with me last week because “he has no time to date” due to him trying to find another job and attend school (I’m not sure if this is the actual reason). We got back together two days later due to me calling and texting him expressing how much I missed him. For the following week nothing felt the same. I found I was calling and texting him more than he was trying to contact me, and he acted as if he didn’t want me around. So I broke it off with him after an argument about him not seeing me for two weeks (he live 20 mins away from me). I ended it peacefully with a text stating that maybe he was right that we needed space apart and that if its meant to be it will happen on its own (He never replied to my text). I was his first girlfriend and he was really ill experienced in communication and dedicating time to me. I really miss him a lot but my pride will not let me force someone to stay with me if they don’t care about me anymore. I’m not sure if these 5 steps will work for my situation I think I’ve lost him forever ☹.
Hey Lana,
I think you do have a chance and the 5 steps might work for you. It's worth trying.
Hey Lana,
I think you do have a chance and the 5 steps might work for you. It's worth trying.
Hey Kevin,
So kind of a long story but I am excited and I needed to share with someone. I waited about a week and I texted my ex saying I had a dream about him, which sparked a conversation. I told him about it (it was a funny dream) and he called me and we laughed and talked for two hours. He told me he got some girls number and she reminded him of me and that he found the "Toronto version" of me. Apparently she is 24 and a teacher. He is 19. I gave him my opinion (he asked) which was that if I was 24, I would not date that much younger but that is just me. He said she is older so he would have to change and be more mature for her because she wouldn't put up with as much stuff as I did. Basically, I feel like even if something did bloom there, it wouldn't last long because 1. she is not me, he is looking for me in someone else and there really is no other me and 2. he can only pretend not to be himself for so long. I said something like good luck i don't know why you want this girl so much and he said I just miss you a lot. I told him I thought boys were stupid and he laughed and asked why and I said do you love me? do you want to be with me? do you miss me? he answered yes to all three questions and I said well I am right here ! I said it made me sad that he gave up because if he had just waited a bit longer things would have changed. He made it clear that he was tired of traveling to see me every two weeks and that's why we ended, and I said if he had just waited then I would have had the money to visit him, but oh well he made his choice. I feel like I gave him a lot to think about. We didn't talk for a day but I texted him this morning saying Happy Easter today and we texted all day. I could tell it was only because I was keeping the conversation going, but we talked about more old times. After I put "lol" he didn't answer me back. I don't really see the problem here like, I told him he wouldn't have to travel anymore and that was his issue, I wouldn't mind going to visit him he came to me for a year so it could be my turn, and obviously we still want to be together so why isn't he make any moves? I want to ask him why he is going to go for the half assed version of me when he can have the version he really wants like I don't know what he is thinking and I don't really know where to go from here? Thanks Kevin
Give him some time to think everything through. I'll say about two weeks. Then get back in touch with him. It's quite possible that he will pursue the relationship with that other girl before getting back with you. He is young and probably wants to explore a little bit as well. If he does get in a relationship with her, let him have his rebound. Don't act needy about it at all.
Also, I feel like the only time we talk is when I initiate the conversation, otherwise there won't be one. How do I make him chase me ? I post stuff on Facebook all the time and I know he see it. I feel like we could go for 2 weeks without talking if I don't say something.
Then go two weeks without talking. That's the best way to make him chase you.
Then go two weeks without talking. That's the best way to make him chase you.
Then go two weeks without talking. That's the best way to make him chase you.
Give him some time to think everything through. I'll say about two weeks. Then get back in touch with him. It's quite possible that he will pursue the relationship with that other girl before getting back with you. He is young and probably wants to explore a little bit as well. If he does get in a relationship with her, let him have his rebound. Don't act needy about it at all.
Also, I feel like the only time we talk is when I initiate the conversation, otherwise there won't be one. How do I make him chase me ? I post stuff on Facebook all the time and I know he see it. I feel like we could go for 2 weeks without talking if I don't say something.
Hi Kevin, today completed seven days of no contact and my ex-girlfriend sent a today a short text message saying only "Haapy Easter", but I did not answer.
But I'm desperate to have her back, what's making me doubt is, she's trying to put me in friendzone, or she's missing me and trying re-approach me again? She's just testing me? How can I know? Keep going with no contact?
Thanks
Hey Leanardo,
I think it was just a simple text and there was no hidden meaning behind it. It would have been fine even if you replied to her. But regardless, you should continue with the plan right now.
Hey Leanardo,
I think it was just a simple text and there was no hidden meaning behind it. It would have been fine even if you replied to her. But regardless, you should continue with the plan right now.
Dear Kev,
Just as you told me I waited another 3 days ( you told me to wait 5 tho :( and the NC was for 27 days). I replied him and he replied immediately saying he wants to talk and he called me . I said hello and he was repeating that hello couple of times in a cheeky way I ignored and said good morning. He asked about the amount he owes me and I said i cant remember now, will check it and let u know, and I said bye and hung up on him. He msged me on whatsapp asking my bank details. After 20 mins I sent him the amounts with a line of what they are for . when I said anything else ? he said yes and he was asking whether he could pay me that every month. He also said he is sorry for what he did ! He said he was in my town last Wednesday ( he texted me saying he wants to call ) and he stopped at our favorite restaurant for lunch and that he remembered me so much.I said I went to a place we used to hang out and I remembered him too ! then he said he wanted to see me so badly cz he missed me . But since I didnt reply he has lost hope.He said I know its not nice but I wanted to see u and he asked me whether im good. I said im doing great . He said he started practicing as a doctor and when I asked how he is he said Im ok , surviving ( I dont know he jumped in to a relationship soon after our break up ) .Then he said we should stop this weird convo and I said its not so weird after all. He asked wt I m doing and I said two interviews coming up and that im busy with an exam. He asked me to give his regards to my dad since he cant face him. And he said he gotta go and he said stay blessed , take good care and all that. I wished him the same. OMG I feel so good to hear from him but Kev i have no clue what happened to his new girl. He wanted me to tell the decision about paying that money in installments and I said sure!
What should be my next steps? should I wait until he chases me for my decision? or shall I ignore him to show that Im not needy !
Bdw Kev ur articles are so helpful. I really didnt sound too nice or rude. Followed your methods about texting too. :D They worked. So happy right now but I dont want to get my hopes up anyways. Tell me what to do. Hugs !
Let him initiate contact with you. If he doesn't contact you in the next two weeks, then you should do it using one of the texts in the article. All the best.
Thank you kevin -the star! :D :D hugs!
Thank you kevin -the star! :D :D hugs!
Thank you kevin -the star! :D :D hugs!
Let him initiate contact with you. If he doesn't contact you in the next two weeks, then you should do it using one of the texts in the article. All the best.
So, I've been with my ex for 2 years, he broke up with me on monday. You can probably guess how broken I was. He said it wasn't working and we were arguing too much. He had just been living at mine for 3 months due to family issues. So we basically we were together 24/7. We never had space, never had alone time with our friends and there was alot of stress on our relatioship. But everytime i kissed him goodnight, i told him i love you and i meant it.
I've been annoying him with my constant texts, messages and calls. I've pushed him away even more by stalking him on instagram and texting him out of jealously whenever I saw he liked a girls picture or they commented on his pictures. He has been ignoring me for a while, always out with his friends and takes hours to text back. But I saw him on Thursday and we spoke for a bit, he hugged and kissed me and told me he loved me. Today at half 12 he texted me saying he has a new girlfriend.
Now I'm really fucked. He told me he's been with her since Thursday. I'm going to give him some space now. I don't know how to. Is there any chance? But i don't know if this is a rebound? I don't know if giving him space means losing him.
Giving him space doesn't mean losing him and it's most probably a rebound. You should follow the plan.
Giving him space doesn't mean losing him and it's most probably a rebound. You should follow the plan.
My ex broke up with me and we started emailing a bit to further the breakup discussion (just 2 emails exchanged so far, from each of us). He said I made some good points. The last email said he wanted to take a few days to process everything and he said he was confused about his emotions and thoughts, and that he would get back to me in a few days. Assuming he replies to just process the breakup some more (and not asking to try again), when he does reply in a few days, should I ignore this email for a month before replying?
Yes. I think you should.
thank you, Kevin. I got his email today and he basically said a bunch of things including that he really wants his independence and lots of time to himself (after a bad marriage which ended a few years ago), and so when we were together, even though I gave him a lot of space (and myself need a lot of space), he wasn't always present and missed his independent time. I guess coupled with not feeling that spark anymore, it didn't want to make him stay with me. Still think I have a chance? We were together 7 months, and he said he started feeling this way about 3 months in, but claims he hung around because he was trying to make it work. I am planning not to reply to his email until NC period.
Sorry, Kevin.. the final question I have is whether you think one month is sufficient NC period for this, or should I do more?
To be honest, his email made me feel angry because of so many reasons (one of which is that I think he is trying to fool both me and himself about the need for independence thing (we already gave each other plenty of space since we both have a need for space, and he also said that his previous ex was so independent that he often felt unwanted, which is part of why they broke up.. so what the hell??). I know him better than that! I think he genuinely believes it right now though). In some ways, I feel like I did not meet him at an ideal time in his life.
Thank you for this site and the time you take to reply and help people - it is appreciated by all of us! I read your replies to others and that helps me too.
p.s. forgot to mention I did reply but I kept it only 3 or so sentences and basically said thank you for your email, i have been doing a lot of self reflection and things are positive, and that i might want us to see if we can still be in each other's lives in some way (he mentioned tat in his email first), but that i needed time and space right now. he wrote back saying that i made his day (about wanting to stay in touch later) and to write if i felt it was a good time later.
I think you did the right thing. And I am pretty sure you will do great in the future as well.
I think you did the right thing. And I am pretty sure you will do great in the future as well.
I think you did the right thing. And I am pretty sure you will do great in the future as well.
I think you did the right thing. And I am pretty sure you will do great in the future as well.
I think you did the right thing. And I am pretty sure you will do great in the future as well.
I think you did the right thing. And I am pretty sure you will do great in the future as well.
thanks, kevin. it has been 3 weeks since our breakup and about 1.5 weeks since no contact (feels so much longer). i have been really doing good stuff with my life and jumping into life head first, keeping really busy and social. i feel good about myself, but i still miss him terribly. no contact is hard.. but gonna hold to it for another 2.5 weeks! thank you.
Hey Ruth,
It's a good idea to not reply to that email at all. Even after no contact. When you contact him after no contact, then just use one of the methods in the 5 step plan. And I do think one month is enough. However, use the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the 5 step plan before getting back in touch.
p.s. forgot to mention I did reply but I kept it only 3 or so sentences and basically said thank you for your email, i have been doing a lot of self reflection and things are positive, and that i might want us to see if we can still be in each other's lives in some way (he mentioned tat in his email first), but that i needed time and space right now. he wrote back saying that i made his day (about wanting to stay in touch later) and to write if i felt it was a good time later.
thanks, kevin. it has been 3 weeks since our breakup and about 1.5 weeks since no contact (feels so much longer). i have been really doing good stuff with my life and jumping into life head first, keeping really busy and social. i feel good about myself, but i still miss him terribly. no contact is hard.. but gonna hold to it for another 2.5 weeks! thank you.
Hey Ruth,
It's a good idea to not reply to that email at all. Even after no contact. When you contact him after no contact, then just use one of the methods in the 5 step plan. And I do think one month is enough. However, use the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the 5 step plan before getting back in touch.
p.s. forgot to mention I did reply but I kept it only 3 or so sentences and basically said thank you for your email, i have been doing a lot of self reflection and things are positive, and that i might want us to see if we can still be in each other's lives in some way (he mentioned tat in his email first), but that i needed time and space right now. he wrote back saying that i made his day (about wanting to stay in touch later) and to write if i felt it was a good time later.
thanks, kevin. it has been 3 weeks since our breakup and about 1.5 weeks since no contact (feels so much longer). i have been really doing good stuff with my life and jumping into life head first, keeping really busy and social. i feel good about myself, but i still miss him terribly. no contact is hard.. but gonna hold to it for another 2.5 weeks! thank you.
Hey Ruth,
It's a good idea to not reply to that email at all. Even after no contact. When you contact him after no contact, then just use one of the methods in the 5 step plan. And I do think one month is enough. However, use the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the 5 step plan before getting back in touch.
p.s. forgot to mention I did reply but I kept it only 3 or so sentences and basically said thank you for your email, i have been doing a lot of self reflection and things are positive, and that i might want us to see if we can still be in each other's lives in some way (he mentioned tat in his email first), but that i needed time and space right now. he wrote back saying that i made his day (about wanting to stay in touch later) and to write if i felt it was a good time later.
thanks, kevin. it has been 3 weeks since our breakup and about 1.5 weeks since no contact (feels so much longer). i have been really doing good stuff with my life and jumping into life head first, keeping really busy and social. i feel good about myself, but i still miss him terribly. no contact is hard.. but gonna hold to it for another 2.5 weeks! thank you.
Hey Ruth,
It's a good idea to not reply to that email at all. Even after no contact. When you contact him after no contact, then just use one of the methods in the 5 step plan. And I do think one month is enough. However, use the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the 5 step plan before getting back in touch.
p.s. forgot to mention I did reply but I kept it only 3 or so sentences and basically said thank you for your email, i have been doing a lot of self reflection and things are positive, and that i might want us to see if we can still be in each other's lives in some way (he mentioned tat in his email first), but that i needed time and space right now. he wrote back saying that i made his day (about wanting to stay in touch later) and to write if i felt it was a good time later.
thanks, kevin. it has been 3 weeks since our breakup and about 1.5 weeks since no contact (feels so much longer). i have been really doing good stuff with my life and jumping into life head first, keeping really busy and social. i feel good about myself, but i still miss him terribly. no contact is hard.. but gonna hold to it for another 2.5 weeks! thank you.
Hey Ruth,
It's a good idea to not reply to that email at all. Even after no contact. When you contact him after no contact, then just use one of the methods in the 5 step plan. And I do think one month is enough. However, use the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the 5 step plan before getting back in touch.
Sorry, Kevin.. the final question I have is whether you think one month is sufficient NC period for this, or should I do more?
To be honest, his email made me feel angry because of so many reasons (one of which is that I think he is trying to fool both me and himself about the need for independence thing (we already gave each other plenty of space since we both have a need for space, and he also said that his previous ex was so independent that he often felt unwanted, which is part of why they broke up.. so what the hell??). I know him better than that! I think he genuinely believes it right now though). In some ways, I feel like I did not meet him at an ideal time in his life.
Thank you for this site and the time you take to reply and help people - it is appreciated by all of us! I read your replies to others and that helps me too.
Sorry, Kevin.. the final question I have is whether you think one month is sufficient NC period for this, or should I do more?
To be honest, his email made me feel angry because of so many reasons (one of which is that I think he is trying to fool both me and himself about the need for independence thing (we already gave each other plenty of space since we both have a need for space, and he also said that his previous ex was so independent that he often felt unwanted, which is part of why they broke up.. so what the hell??). I know him better than that! I think he genuinely believes it right now though). In some ways, I feel like I did not meet him at an ideal time in his life.
Thank you for this site and the time you take to reply and help people - it is appreciated by all of us! I read your replies to others and that helps me too.
Sorry, Kevin.. the final question I have is whether you think one month is sufficient NC period for this, or should I do more?
To be honest, his email made me feel angry because of so many reasons (one of which is that I think he is trying to fool both me and himself about the need for independence thing (we already gave each other plenty of space since we both have a need for space, and he also said that his previous ex was so independent that he often felt unwanted, which is part of why they broke up.. so what the hell??). I know him better than that! I think he genuinely believes it right now though). In some ways, I feel like I did not meet him at an ideal time in his life.
Thank you for this site and the time you take to reply and help people - it is appreciated by all of us! I read your replies to others and that helps me too.
thank you, Kevin. I got his email today and he basically said a bunch of things including that he really wants his independence and lots of time to himself (after a bad marriage which ended a few years ago), and so when we were together, even though I gave him a lot of space (and myself need a lot of space), he wasn't always present and missed his independent time. I guess coupled with not feeling that spark anymore, it didn't want to make him stay with me. Still think I have a chance? We were together 7 months, and he said he started feeling this way about 3 months in, but claims he hung around because he was trying to make it work. I am planning not to reply to his email until NC period.
thank you, Kevin. I got his email today and he basically said a bunch of things including that he really wants his independence and lots of time to himself (after a bad marriage which ended a few years ago), and so when we were together, even though I gave him a lot of space (and myself need a lot of space), he wasn't always present and missed his independent time. I guess coupled with not feeling that spark anymore, it didn't want to make him stay with me. Still think I have a chance? We were together 7 months, and he said he started feeling this way about 3 months in, but claims he hung around because he was trying to make it work. I am planning not to reply to his email until NC period.
The other thing I forgot to mention is that when he broke up with me, he said it was due to him no longer feeling the spark and hadn't for the past few months. Other than this, everything between us was perfect (no conflict, very compatible, etc.). Do I even have a chance? We emailed back and forth because after he broke up with me, I wrote him a letter (I know, I broke the "no contact rule" but I didn't know about it yet) and he emailed me to reply (still sounding very final in that email), then I wrote him back telling him why I think we had problems in the "spark" department, then he emailed me back and said he would email me in a few days.
Yes. I think you should.
The other thing I forgot to mention is that when he broke up with me, he said it was due to him no longer feeling the spark and hadn't for the past few months. Other than this, everything between us was perfect (no conflict, very compatible, etc.). Do I even have a chance? We emailed back and forth because after he broke up with me, I wrote him a letter (I know, I broke the "no contact rule" but I didn't know about it yet) and he emailed me to reply (still sounding very final in that email), then I wrote him back telling him why I think we had problems in the "spark" department, then he emailed me back and said he would email me in a few days.
Hi kevin, my wife and I are, according to her "not together anymore". She's given me plenty of second chances and I've screwed up a different way every time. We are still living together and have 3 children. She told me she's talking to other guys as "friends" nothing serious right now and doesn't want to get back together because she's psychologicaly ruined her. She also told me she's planning on moving out, but isn't sure yet. would you or anyone recommend doing these 5 steps even though we are still technically married and live together?
If according to her you are not together anymore. Then yes, you should. But instead of no contact, use limited contact. Only talk to her when she talks to you. Be cordial but don't talk about anything personal. If it's possible, tell her you think you both could use some space and time right now and move out for a month or two.
If according to her you are not together anymore. Then yes, you should. But instead of no contact, use limited contact. Only talk to her when she talks to you. Be cordial but don't talk about anything personal. If it's possible, tell her you think you both could use some space and time right now and move out for a month or two.
Hi Kevin,
I was in a 2 years long distance relationship with a gal and distance has never been our issue and we stayed in touch everyday and talking like other couples pretty much about everything and she was supposed to come to me after completing her law but then she was having hard time on getting passport and at the same time she was stressing out about her career and family pressure for not focusing on career. It was too much of stress for her to deal and after taking one week off from me she texted me saying that she couldn't deal with anymore and lost feelings for me and cant come to me and broke up. I didn't even know it's coming because she was all normal beside stress for her career. We decided to continue talking as friends but i still love her and want her back but talking to her making things worst because she is always busy and dont have time to message or call and it's me who initiates to maintain contact. I have done 1 week of NC with her but then ended up calling her because i was missing her badly and she was irritated about me calling her over and over again on that day so first she told me that we should keep it this way only it will help both of us in moving on but then asked me to call her back later and then she was all normal and said we will still talk. Please advise what should i do with my situation because sometimes she gets irritated and say stuff to hurt me.
Please help :-(
Tell her you need space and time and start no contact again. This time finish no contact and follow the advice.
Tell her you need space and time and start no contact again. This time finish no contact and follow the advice.
Hey Kevin,
We are just 18.Its been 2 days since my breakup, i tried to clear the misunderstanding that i wasnt insecure about our relationship and i was just worried about you after that fight we had ,,then pleaded a bit(im sorry im only human i made a mistake, please give me another chance ) then said that take ur time to think about it , ill keep waiting,and after that I'm doing no contact thing. our relationship was 3 months but a very good one and we were taking it seriously as well, i was insecure at the beginning as she made her moves on me(giving me the cold shoulders even in stupid arguments but she made up later and told me that she appreciated about the last gift or message i sent before the argument)but i started to show confidence and trust later on and didnt begged for her forgiveness till the fight, when she was breaking up i did tried to fight back so i didnt became a doormat. Well, is there anything I have to say before giving no contact now? and im actually happy and living even though shes not around, but just thinking would be a lot better to get her back.
No, don't say anything. Just start. If she calls, tell her you need space and time.
No, don't say anything. Just start. If she calls, tell her you need space and time.
Hey, well me and my ex got out a relationship around 2 weeks ago. It was a mutual break up, where he suggested it, and I confirmed it, because he was just a mess, and I couldn't handle anymore pain. We agreed to stay friends, in which we basically talked everyday.. Like out of 14 days, we talk for 12. He somewhat talks about our pass, like how I kiss, and then on Facebook he liked a picture of how to kiss quote thing. I can't do the no contact rule, because the more I talk to him the more I try to get over him. I don't know what to do... It's like I want him back, but I don't because he's somewhat a bad influence on me. But is there anyway I can make him miss me, and want me back, but not stop talking to him? We talk online a lot... But in person, we haven't see each other since... What do I do?
You can't make him miss you if you are always available for him to talk to.
You can't make him miss you if you are always available for him to talk to.
Hi. I have been seeing this guy for about a month now. Within two weeks his ex who had moved across the U.S. was continuously on every status update. When I asked him one time about it, he simply said it was mutual and they were fine with the breakup. One week after I had asked, she was posting winking faces. So, I calmly asked again. The man went on to declare love for this girl he had literally known for two months. I accepted it and agreed to just be friends. Within a few days he immediately began apologizing for days. I told him I'd be fine with friendship but if he expected more, at that point I'd need for ties to be cut with her before I could feel comfortable. He told me he entirely agreed and told me he removed her from his online accounts. We agreed to hang out casually for a day at an Easter egg hunt. He made plans with me for the next day. By 3 pm the next day he never responded to my text. I didn't send another, I waited until 8 pm when I had still not heard from him and checked online just to see that she was once again putting winking faces all over the photos I had taken from the previous day. When I asked him and explained once again that if he wanted more than friends with me, I could not trust the situation with her deliberately causing problems just because another girl is around. The girl ignores him constantly and calls him names. He is once again asking me to be his friend and is telling me he "isn't talking to her like that" . I really do like him, so I dunno what to do. Should I tell him I'm okay with being friends to end it peacefully then begin the no contact, or begin now? Or is the situation just something to forget about entirely?
I think he is confused and if you can walk away, you should. You have not invested much time in him and I don't think it's worth it to invest more time in him.
I think he is confused and if you can walk away, you should. You have not invested much time in him and I don't think it's worth it to invest more time in him.
hi Kevin,
first of all, thanks for always replying to my questions here..its a relief..all the time.
i have completed 30days..and during the NC period over 21days my ex texted me twice (a day after the other)..i didnt reply coz i was really doin NC very well..i replied eventually after NC period is over thus a 2days after the 30th day.. in his texts he was askin how i was doin and that he saw me somewhere..and like i said i replied acc 2 his question.. and told him i was “distracted” recently so it took me a while to reply. and thing is.. he hasnt replied at all and on whatsapp we all see when a user sees our msgs so.. How do i know what his reactions are? how do i know what his intentions are for not replying me yet? i cant tell if he is upset or what? it just puzzles me that he wont reply when he messaged me twice in the first place. I only texted once but im really worried why he wont reply back.. Hence It took me 4 days to respond due to me being in NC.
please help. Appreciate ur advices.
thank youxx
Hey Daisy.
It's OK he is not replying. It could be he is trying to take revenge or it could be he is applying no contact himself. Regardless of his reasons, wait another week (preferably two) and then contact him again using the texts mentioned in the article.
Hey Daisy.
It's OK he is not replying. It could be he is trying to take revenge or it could be he is applying no contact himself. Regardless of his reasons, wait another week (preferably two) and then contact him again using the texts mentioned in the article.
Hi me and my girlfriend broke up about a weeks ago maybe more after being together for more than two years and I know what got her to think like that she just told me that she not ready for love and want to enjoy her life, also she is confused and doesn’t want nothing to do with me. What does that mean should I just move on and accept it for what it is or just wait and see what happen without contacting her.
I think it's worth trying again. Read the 5 step plan.
I think it's worth trying again. Read the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,me and ex have been together for 2 years and a couple of months.I recently just found out that he has been seeing his ex who he dated for 5 months,they broke up when I came into the picture and from what the girl told me they didn't speak for a full year until she contacted him trying to get him back in his life because she says she felt like I snatched him away from her which isn't true because I didn't even know she existed until a couple of months of me and him dating.From what the girl told me they've seen each other a couple of times and those were the times that me and him were arguing.So from what I know whenever we had a huge fight he would meet with her to makeout and they would stop talking when things got back to normal with me and him.She says he told her that he had a girldfriend but it didn't matter to her because she was just so angry at me for taking him away from her.So recently me and him argued and I ended up breaking up with him and he asked to fix things with her 2 days after that.After about a month of not talking he came back to beg me to give him a 2nd chance and so I did but he never told the other girl that me and him were back together.Until the girl got suspicious and ended up confronting me.The girl is a virgin and I'm not.The last time he took her out was the time they dated before I came into the picture while on the other side he took me out every week.We then decided to confront him together and he admitted cheating on both of us and said he only went to her when we would have huge arguments.But what is really confusing me is that now he says he needs a bit of time just to work on himself and decide which side to fall on cause it seems as though both of us are willing to forgive his cheating ways but only if he chooses 1 of us. I don't understand if that means I should just move on or just try be patient with him.I still love him but I'm really confused,does he love me or her??Please help :(
Hey Felicity,
I think you shouldn't be willing to forgive his cheating. You will have very serious trust issues in the future and I don't see him admitting to his mistake and proving to you that he is willing to change. You have no guarantee that he won't cheat on you in the future (and he probably will).
Hey Felicity,
I think you shouldn't be willing to forgive his cheating. You will have very serious trust issues in the future and I don't see him admitting to his mistake and proving to you that he is willing to change. You have no guarantee that he won't cheat on you in the future (and he probably will).
Kevin,
So here's my story. My ex and I were together for a year and a half. 2 Months ago he told me that he loved me, still cared about me and he was happy with me but something about the relationship was making him unhappy and he didn't know how to fix it. After 2 months of trying to figure out what went wrong, I tried to do everything possible to fix things and eventually I pushed him away. We had a huge argument last week and I told him if he was so unhappy to pack up and leave and that's exactly what he did. Well the 1st 3 days he was gone I did everything you said not to do, I cried, I pleaded, I practically begged on my hands and knees for him to come back home. I texted him constantly begging for an explanation to why he would leave. Finally he gave me a reason and I understand it now. Basically he said our relationship became too much of a routine and boring and he lost interest. Which makes sense because we both work the same shifts at work and from the second we are out of work we do the same things every single day. The excitement and adventure had died down but I feel that that was something easily fixable and he feels he didn't know how to fix it. It's hard to give up on someone I care so deeply about and especially when the only thing that was wrong was the fact that our relationship became routine. He works where I work part time (2nd job) and we have many mutual friends. On Saturday he went to a good friend of ours and asked him of he I told him what happened, our friend told him whatever is going on on our relationship was between us but he was aware that we were broken up. My ex went on to say "whatever she told you is a lie" and was really upset. Apparently my ex thinks I went around telling everyone he left me with nothing. When in all honesty the few people that do know the situation I've told them the complete opposite, he is still helping me with the household bills till I find a roommate. Well I've had NO CONTACT with him for the past 4 days but it really bothered me that he would thing that I would bad mouth him so I sent him a text. All I said was whatever has happened between us is just that "between us" , I let him know that I'm no longer angry and I've accepted the fact that he made the decision to leave and I have no reason to bad mouth him when he's still helping me out. He replied and said "oh ok, no worries". Was I wrong for texting him? Should I start the 30 days NC over?
I think it's OK that you texted him. But since it's only been 4 days, I'll recommend you start no contact again.
I think it's OK that you texted him. But since it's only been 4 days, I'll recommend you start no contact again.
Hi Kevin, it's me again. I contacted him about dissolving the asset this Sat as I didn't want him to have any resentment for dragging it too long. I decided to end it as I am already in the feel that we need to clean our slate for us to restart again. It so happened that I am already into using LOA and that's when you emailed about The Secret and about taking action. I felt even more ready to let him know subtly how I still feel about him and I want to apologize and thank him for all the love that he showered on me for 5 years.
Everyday I've been getting signs and sudden visions about him coming back and as each day past, each vision was another step nearer. Everything was very random and would appear at random times of the day but it was all very sequential. E.g. suddenly remembering his smell 2 days ago and then felt how it was like when he held my hand and then about him feeling jealous when I was helping a guy friend out. It all felt very real.
Today, when I truly felt like we were together in another reality, out of the blue, his elder sister messaged me. I was so surprised yet happy at the same time. Suddenly it dawned on me if this is yet another sign that is following the day-by-day sudden visions. His sister asked if how am I and whether I'm still in contact with her brother. I said "he contacted me to sign the hdb letter because it has been dragging for too long. Lol I don't know if you count that as contacting." And she went on to ask am I feeling better?
I told her yeah, don't worry. Although I can't bear to draw the line so clearly after selling the house, but nvm. (Of course I felt like house or not doesn't matter if it can bring us a 2nd chance.) And she told me "you are a very good and nice girl. My brother don't have the fortune. I'm sure you will find a better man."
Sighs. I don't know what she meant by that because I had a sudden thought that he's dating someone new? Yet I would have conflicting thoughts like circumstances don't matter, only state of being matters that kinda thing you know. I asked how is he? And she said he is moving on with his life very well and you should too. And I just replied "Yeah I can tell. He told me he wanna faster put the hdb behind us so we can move on. Otherwise it's a thorn that is bothering him. Don't worry ba. I have moved on from all the hurt and sadness. Perhaps I just need more time for my feelings to fade entirely."
Simply do not know what to reply to a message like this. It sounded really negative and I didn't want her to think I'm delusional if I were to show I'm acting like we're together already. I wonder if this is a past vibration coming back to test me considering that I'm so ready to win him back this coming Sat when we meet. I was already in the feel when this had to come. Honestly, it did knock on my confidence. When I thought about the sentence "My brother just don't have that fortune. I'm sure you'll find a better man", I felt down and almost felt like tearing. But I didn't. Even now when I type this, I felt like this was a past vibration coming back to test me.
What would you advise?
I don't think you should let yourself be bothered by what she said. You should still continue with what you plan on doing.
I don't think you should let yourself be bothered by what she said. You should still continue with what you plan on doing.
Kevin,
We've been dating since Christmas 2013. He recently dumped me over a text, then added insult to injury by calling me and getting angry in the middle of conversation. I hung up on him then. He hasn't said a word to me since then aside from a week later sending yet another text telling me to drop his stuff off at his house because he was out of town and he'd left my stuff outside for me to pick up. I responded to him that he could call me when he got back into town and I would meet him to exchange our things. Some of this stuff isn't cheap and leaving it outside was retarded to consider. Never responded to my text and still hasn't.
We both had introduced each other to the other's parents, family dinners, our kids knew each other and us, our friends knew us and we'd introduced each other to our not mutual friends.
In his break up text "babe, i love you very much. always have I guess...." and to end it? "but right now i need time, i need to take a break".
What is That?! And since then he's deleted and blocked me from fb as well. This all literally came out of the blue. Not a clue.
Any Ideas at All??
Hey,
It's was a short relationship and there could be many reasons for him to breakup. The truth is, you don't know him well enough to understand the true reason for the breakup. At least not yet. If you want to pursue him, your best bet is to follow the 5 step plan.
And after another 2 weeks of no contacting him like you suggested - out of the blue he text & our belongings were exchanged. Not a word since then. I'm still not contacting him as you said. Have applied the 5 step rule.
And after another 2 weeks of no contacting him like you suggested - out of the blue he text & our belongings were exchanged. Not a word since then. I'm still not contacting him as you said. Have applied the 5 step rule.
And after another 2 weeks of no contacting him like you suggested - out of the blue he text & our belongings were exchanged. Not a word since then. I'm still not contacting him as you said. Have applied the 5 step rule.
Hey,
It's was a short relationship and there could be many reasons for him to breakup. The truth is, you don't know him well enough to understand the true reason for the breakup. At least not yet. If you want to pursue him, your best bet is to follow the 5 step plan.
I need some advice as I'm very confused right now.
I was casually seeing this guy for about a year and things were going great then his ex got in touch to tell him that her daughter had killed herself. Understandably he was upset and I tried to help him through everything. As a result of the death one of his old female friends got in touch with him as they both knew the girl that died. Since they started talking again he hasn't been the same with me.
We continued to see each other and were very close but then he withdrew completely then out of the blue tells me he's in love with his old friend and she's everything he wants. They started dating while he was still sleeping with me. Needless to say I was devastated as he dropped me for someone who doesn't even live in the same country.
He has said many times that I mean a lot to him and he wants me just not as much as he wants her, they have a future but we don't even though he doesn't seem to want to let me go.
Now he's told me that she's coming for a visit and he wants me to meet her. I was honest and said I'd do it because he asked but can't make any promises about my behaviour (I have depression and am having a tough time at the moment) to which he replied telling me not to mess things up for him.
I am confused as to how I'm supposed to be able to mess up their relationship if they're so in love which each other?
If possible, avoid the meeting and start no contact. Tell him you are not ready to meet her and you don't know if you'll ever be ready. Just cut contact with him for 3 months and if you still want him back after that, contact him using the methods described in the 5 step plan.
If possible, avoid the meeting and start no contact. Tell him you are not ready to meet her and you don't know if you'll ever be ready. Just cut contact with him for 3 months and if you still want him back after that, contact him using the methods described in the 5 step plan.
Sorry - forgot to add in there we are both in our late 30's (
Kevin,
Finally some insight after much searching. Thanks!
She moved out a week ago, back to an old flame who is "taking care of her". All her stuff is still in our [my] apartment. I asked her about moving it out. She responded "Why do you push and push and push?" Yes it's been a long week. I fell into all the above traps. My no contact venture starts today - Day 1. She texted me yesterday. "Happy Easter" she said and a couple of other oddity's. Apparently what she is saying to me and what she is saying to other people [who are advising her not to come back] are polar opposites.
This is horrible. Tell me it gets better.
M.
It will definitely get better.
It will definitely get better.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks again for all your help and all your great articles... I may not get my ex back at the end of this but I have never been happier in my life so I will always be grateful to you in any case:) Now to my conundrum...
Short recap: 1 yr dating, 2 mths NC, he started officially dating this girl 2 weeks after me, been together for almost 3.5 mths now.
So, we have been texting for over 1.5 mths. When he is free we sometimes text for hours and hours and mostly every day. I asked him out for a coffee 3 weeks ago, he was happy to come, he took me to a nice place, he called me by a cute name, he even hugged me at the end which I really did not expect. We continued talking a lot afterwards, mostly him initiating. Then once we went without texting for 4 days (I can be stubburn :) ) and on the 4th day he randomly invited me out for a coffee. I couldn't come so we postponed to a later hour. He seemed a bit "shy", like, he wouldn't look me in my face while talking to me but not sure if in a good or bad way. At the end I think he wanted to hug me again but I was scared it would be awkward so I left right away. This was about 10 days ago. We continued chatting, he even sent me quite a few pics of him, last time even 3 naked pics from behind (we were talking a lot about our workout/muscles etc). I didn't reply so he texted me again asking for a comment, which I found amusing :) He did this a couple of times which I found funny since he is not the most prompt replier but I always just wait - whenever he replies, he replies. I don't go crazy over it anymore. Then last week I asked him if he would join me to go to cinema. His actions after this were so confusing. At first he said: Are we going to the beach afterwards? :P:D Joke... but everytime you mention cinema I remember those times on the beach :) (-a couple of times after cinema we went to cuddle etc to the beach). I replied that we can go to the one in the mall if the other one brings too many memories :) To which he replied: I didn't say they were bad memories you silly girl :). He also asked me when are we doing something else together again (a hobby we both share). Anyways, I asked him to let me know during the day and he agreed. Thing is... he didn't.. he only replied the next day that he is still at work and he would be working till the evening. I couldn't understand if he was happy to have an excuse or annoyed or what, cause his reply was so cold. I only reply the next day joking that he could have told me he didn't want to come and I wished him happy holidays. This was on friday. For the past 3 fridays before that I went out with a friend of mine and we ended up hanging out with his best friends. He was annoyed that he couldn't join us. Last friday he took a day of and joined them but I went somewhere else so I hope that maybe he was hoping to see me there but his last reply makes me doubt that. He only replied the next day saying: don't be silly:/ and wishing me happy holidays and saying that he will be working. This was 2 days ago and just while I was writing this he texted me asking about my holiday. I thought he would have waited longer;) ANyways, it all looks quite ok except for the fact that he is still with her. Honestly, I doubt he is going to leave her since she is so accommodating. I know he is not into her that much, everyone knows that except her is seems (she is 10 yrs younger so it might be that). He is kind of keeping her secret even after all this time. And she is just so naive and I don't know why would he leave her since he has got all the benefits of a relationship without having to commit at all, without having to put any effort in it, without any drama. I am happy now, I have all the patience in this world, but I am starting to feel a bit bad doing it. Like, he would compliment me a lot, we would go for coffee, we would chat every day for hours.. then I would see a love song from her on his FB wall and it would make me feel awkward. Not even annoyed or sad ...just awkward. We not once spoke about her although he tried to make me jealous about some other girl that I used to be jealous of but without success;) Any suggestions on how to proceed? Even if he doesn't want to be with me or still have doubts etc, shouldn't all this make him realise he is really not that much into her and leave her?
I think the best course of action will be to not force anything on him just yet. From what you described of their relationship, it will probably end soon. He might be enjoying her naivety right now, but eventually when things get serious with her, he will feel smothered and want to end it. What you should think about is how long are you willing to wait for him. I think you should even start going on dates and moving ahead on your life. Even if you are not looking for anything serious, it will help you gain some perspective. And it might have the added benefit of him realizing that he will lose you forever if he doesn't make a move soon.
I kind of agree with you. Trust me, I am not putting my life on hold for him, I go out a lot and meet new people etc. I would even go on a date if there was someone I remotely liked but so far no luck. Yes, his relationship is rubbish (even our common friends say he doesn't really care much about her... and it's not to make me happy since at the beginning they admitted he was very happy with her), but I don't think he will leave her anytime soon. It's just that it seems too comfortable for him to have a reason to leave her. And she seems ok with his breadcrumbs of attention. He said he will take me to the cinema when he comes back from holidays in 10 days and I told him to let's just talk once he comes back and arrange a meeting then. To kind of go NC for 10 days but without officially going NC. I think he will miss me more than I will miss him, I don't really mind going NC. If after he comes back I don't see a noticeable difference I think I might want to cut contact with him again. I used to enjoy talking to him and be flirting again but there's an italian saying that says: A game is good until it gets too long. I am happy now but if I see that he is making me stressed again I would rather let it go. So here's my question... what is the best way to tell him I would rather we stopped talking again? I might need to give him an explanation and I don't want to sound weak by doing it. Any suggestions?
Just give it to him straight.
Just give it to him straight.
Just give it to him straight.
Just give it to him straight.
I kind of agree with you. Trust me, I am not putting my life on hold for him, I go out a lot and meet new people etc. I would even go on a date if there was someone I remotely liked but so far no luck. Yes, his relationship is rubbish (even our common friends say he doesn't really care much about her... and it's not to make me happy since at the beginning they admitted he was very happy with her), but I don't think he will leave her anytime soon. It's just that it seems too comfortable for him to have a reason to leave her. And she seems ok with his breadcrumbs of attention. He said he will take me to the cinema when he comes back from holidays in 10 days and I told him to let's just talk once he comes back and arrange a meeting then. To kind of go NC for 10 days but without officially going NC. I think he will miss me more than I will miss him, I don't really mind going NC. If after he comes back I don't see a noticeable difference I think I might want to cut contact with him again. I used to enjoy talking to him and be flirting again but there's an italian saying that says: A game is good until it gets too long. I am happy now but if I see that he is making me stressed again I would rather let it go. So here's my question... what is the best way to tell him I would rather we stopped talking again? I might need to give him an explanation and I don't want to sound weak by doing it. Any suggestions?
I kind of agree with you. Trust me, I am not putting my life on hold for him, I go out a lot and meet new people etc. I would even go on a date if there was someone I remotely liked but so far no luck. Yes, his relationship is rubbish (even our common friends say he doesn't really care much about her... and it's not to make me happy since at the beginning they admitted he was very happy with her), but I don't think he will leave her anytime soon. It's just that it seems too comfortable for him to have a reason to leave her. And she seems ok with his breadcrumbs of attention. He said he will take me to the cinema when he comes back from holidays in 10 days and I told him to let's just talk once he comes back and arrange a meeting then. To kind of go NC for 10 days but without officially going NC. I think he will miss me more than I will miss him, I don't really mind going NC. If after he comes back I don't see a noticeable difference I think I might want to cut contact with him again. I used to enjoy talking to him and be flirting again but there's an italian saying that says: A game is good until it gets too long. I am happy now but if I see that he is making me stressed again I would rather let it go. So here's my question... what is the best way to tell him I would rather we stopped talking again? I might need to give him an explanation and I don't want to sound weak by doing it. Any suggestions?
I think the best course of action will be to not force anything on him just yet. From what you described of their relationship, it will probably end soon. He might be enjoying her naivety right now, but eventually when things get serious with her, he will feel smothered and want to end it. What you should think about is how long are you willing to wait for him. I think you should even start going on dates and moving ahead on your life. Even if you are not looking for anything serious, it will help you gain some perspective. And it might have the added benefit of him realizing that he will lose you forever if he doesn't make a move soon.
I was doing the NC and my ex waited for his birthday to be over before texting me to ask me why I didn't wish him. Does he still have feelings for me? But after that text, he told me he just wanted to be best friends forever. What does he mean?
It means he doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to commit to you either.
It means he doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to commit to you either.
Hi, I wrote something earlier but i have another question. So I went 30 days NC, she contacted me once, and after a month and something i sent her a message about a TV series we watched together and i said "hope you're fine" she replied just "Yes i am. Hope you're too" so i waited for some time and i gave her a call. We chatted for some time and i asked her if she wants to go out for a coffee so we can catch up, she said she'll see if she has any plans and she'll give me a call i said no problem. She didn't give me a call. What should i do, please? :)
Wait another week. Chat with her again. This time, don't ask her out immediately. Keep in touch with her for a few weeks before asking her out again.
Wait another week. Chat with her again. This time, don't ask her out immediately. Keep in touch with her for a few weeks before asking her out again.
We were together 12 years, two kids. Two months after I left he moved a woman and her three kids in. Our divorce was final January of this year. We have slept together once (I know, I know).... Following this his girlfriend found out and shut down all communication. We have been six weeks no contact. Today I had to discuss something to do with our son and the conversation went from there. It was really good, we shared memories and such. However, I messed up and got too personal, too close. He was talking about us meeting and I told him I didn't want to be the other woman. I asked him his plans for the new girlfriend, as she told me they were getting married. He shut down. Then I asked if he wanted me to just give up on him.... his reply was... I don't know Cinda, I really just don't know. WTH is going on? I guess I kinda ruined it, huh? BTW: All this was done by texting.
Hey,
I don't think you really ruined it completely. You still have a chance. But next time you talk to him, don't get too personal too soon. He is definitely having second thoughts about all this, but if you keep asking about all this, you will be pushing him in the wrong direction.
Hey,
I don't think you really ruined it completely. You still have a chance. But next time you talk to him, don't get too personal too soon. He is definitely having second thoughts about all this, but if you keep asking about all this, you will be pushing him in the wrong direction.
Hi,
I am emotionally and physically seperated but still living with husband.
I met a single guy last Oct/Nov and dated for about 6-8 weeks. I fell for him.
He said we need to do no contact and then be friends. I think he wanted a 'single' woman or so he said.
I tried contacting him every day. But he did not reply. After 8 weeks he replied and wanted to get back together and wanted unprotected sex. I said no but we made out. After that he lost interest and said we cant go out anymore. Since then he says we are only text friends and nothing more since I am still 'married'. I plan on filing papers soon but he wont believe me.
Last week I went over to his house and he was gone till mid night. I got very mad and yelled at him that he's out on a date and that he used me etc. etc.
he said I am stalking him and wont talk to me anymore. :-(
I want him back so badly but how to? I think he was out with someone else and that's killing me.
i am finding doing the NC very very hard. Advise please.
Hey Nora,
I think you are putting him on a pedestal. You are getting out of a marriage and you are hoping to hold on to him because when you look at him, you see comfort and protection. But in my opinion, he might just be a rebound for you. And you want him around because you think you need someone to deal with everything you will be going through when you file the papers. I might be wrong about all this. But I believe, you should file the papers, separate from your husband completely. Be single for a while and learn to be happy while being single and then contact him.
Hey Nora,
I think you are putting him on a pedestal. You are getting out of a marriage and you are hoping to hold on to him because when you look at him, you see comfort and protection. But in my opinion, he might just be a rebound for you. And you want him around because you think you need someone to deal with everything you will be going through when you file the papers. I might be wrong about all this. But I believe, you should file the papers, separate from your husband completely. Be single for a while and learn to be happy while being single and then contact him.
I have question I bought relationship rewind and the magic letter is something I want to try but I'm doing the 30 day no contact rule and I feel like the magic letter wouldn't work in this situation what phase does the magic letter work because I feel like your approach with the letter is much better. She really hasn't contacted me much in this long 30 days does that mean she's done with me. I feel like she doesn't miss me and the more she doesn't contact me the more I feel like my feelings are true. I Have good days and I have bad days and sense I'm writing you today's been a pretty bad day i'm letting my paranoia of her moving on get the best of me and it's all because I haven't heard from her. Our relationship problems was my fault I took her for granted and I didn't treat her like the queen she was but that's because I was so comfortable around her I just didn't think things would go wrong. She started to change at her place of work because the guy she works with would flirt with her and She felt they were giving her the attention I wasn't. Towards the end I did become very clingy very needy and when she broke up with me I cried as she wiped my tears away telling me she hated to see me like this but I just loved her so much. I know you said time heals everything but she works with these guys every day and I believe she is dating one of them and the more I don't see her and the more she sees them I fear she will forget about me. Anyways what do you think and thanks for all your help you really get me through the day with your emails
Hey John,
The magic letter in relationship rewind works great if you have already established friendship with her. I don't think it has happened in your case and I'll recommend you use the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan. When you do get back in touch with her, then the texts and the conversation ideas in relationship rewind will be of tremendous help. I am glad the emails are helping you. Even if she is dating someone, it will not make her forget about you. In fact, people who go in rebound relationships actually take longer to get over a breakup. A rebound relationship does provide comfort, but it doesn't really help in healing from the breakup.
Hey John,
The magic letter in relationship rewind works great if you have already established friendship with her. I don't think it has happened in your case and I'll recommend you use the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan. When you do get back in touch with her, then the texts and the conversation ideas in relationship rewind will be of tremendous help. I am glad the emails are helping you. Even if she is dating someone, it will not make her forget about you. In fact, people who go in rebound relationships actually take longer to get over a breakup. A rebound relationship does provide comfort, but it doesn't really help in healing from the breakup.
Me and my boyfriend dated for almost two years, we would go through rough patches and good patches, but after we took a break for the first time it changed, we were really happy after the break for about two months, but then after that it was horrible, he didn't like my parents and they didn't like him, soon it was pretty constant fighting and I always got blamed, about six months after our first break he completly stopped talking to me, the last text I got said Hey :)! We didn't say a word to eachothers for four months. And then he emailed me saying since I had always been there for him I deserved to know he had gotten a sports scholarship for college and we started talkin again, it made me realize that I didn't lose my feelings for him, he still made my heart ache, but then we started fighting again after he told me he loved me because I didn't know what to feel, I blocked his number because I am sick of fighting with him, now I just don't know if that was the right idea. I love him and I don't know if blocking him and not knowing if he's trying to talk to me is more painful than if I unblock him and he never talks to me. Help!
Hey Hallie,
If you ever want to make things work with him, you should work on your communication skills before getting back in touch with him. I highly recommend the book "non violent communication" By M. Rosenberg.
Hey Hallie,
If you ever want to make things work with him, you should work on your communication skills before getting back in touch with him. I highly recommend the book "non violent communication" By M. Rosenberg.
Hey Kevin,
I've written here previously, I waited nearly a couple of weeks to get back in touch with my ex. I sent a text about me just finishing season 3 of Game of Thrones (we watched the first 2 together) something funny like 'Omg! just finised GoT 3, have you seen it? I'm in shock, I was doing 'the dance' to the music.' (we invented a GoT dance together). Then he replied, nope, he has been waiting patiently but now has the DVD, and the thought of watching it was a bit sad too :( and he will be doing the dance to the intro :). Then I asked, sad? It's epic! He said it's sad because it's something he enjoyed doing with me. Then I said just remember the dance and smile, that's what I was doing :). I then sent him some old pics of animals he asked me to take when he didn't have his camera when i was with him and said I was sending it to him because I was formatting my phone and to take care x. He didn't reply. What does all this mean Kevin? Is he trying to move on and get over me? He hasn't tried to get in touch with me since our conversation after he sent me a bday card. I really want us to work, I have a sense we are unfinished and still care a lot for each other, He has a lot of personal issues to sort like his health issues and needs a stable job, instead of my help he blamed me ... should I move on or give him yet more time? Thanks in advance, you rock!
It's a good sign. It doesn't necessarily mean he is trying to move on. He was just expressing what he felt and probably seeing you so upbeat made him a little confused. Give him some time to think and sort out his issues. Contact him again after a week.
Hi Kevin,
I sent a text after a week about something funny remindering me of him, he replied saying the same thing reminded him of me the week before. He then started sending sexy texts and said as I know he doesn't sleep around and I was the last time he had sex. He was reminiscing about us being intimate and how he misses that and I don't know if he meant it but basically hinted just at sex. I then said was going to to sleep? Night x... I haven't heard from him, it's been a couple of days and I always initiate contact. I don't just want sex, I want more than that. Is that all he wants? I thought he was moving on but now it's clear he still misses me, but he isn't initiating meeting up or texting, when I asked to meet last time he wasn't sure. I want him to sort his issues out before anything can happen. Where do I go from here? I don't want to always initiate with him, I want it to come from him... Your advice would be great Kevin, thanks a mill
Back off for a while. Give him some time to initiate contact.
Thanks, how long do I give him until I just let go and move on? Should it really be this hard to make it work again?
It's a question you should be asking yourself. How long are you willing to wait for him? How long is he worth waiting for?
It's a question you should be asking yourself. How long are you willing to wait for him? How long is he worth waiting for?
It's a question you should be asking yourself. How long are you willing to wait for him? How long is he worth waiting for?
It's a question you should be asking yourself. How long are you willing to wait for him? How long is he worth waiting for?
It's a question you should be asking yourself. How long are you willing to wait for him? How long is he worth waiting for?
It's a question you should be asking yourself. How long are you willing to wait for him? How long is he worth waiting for?
Thanks, how long do I give him until I just let go and move on? Should it really be this hard to make it work again?
Thanks, how long do I give him until I just let go and move on? Should it really be this hard to make it work again?
Thanks, how long do I give him until I just let go and move on? Should it really be this hard to make it work again?
Thanks, how long do I give him until I just let go and move on? Should it really be this hard to make it work again?
Opps, typo, I meant to say I just said 'I'm going to get ready for bed now, night x'
Back off for a while. Give him some time to initiate contact.
Opps, typo, I meant to say I just said 'I'm going to get ready for bed now, night x'
Back off for a while. Give him some time to initiate contact.
Opps, typo, I meant to say I just said 'I'm going to get ready for bed now, night x'
Back off for a while. Give him some time to initiate contact.
Opps, typo, I meant to say I just said 'I'm going to get ready for bed now, night x'
Hi Kevin,
I sent a text after a week about something funny remindering me of him, he replied saying the same thing reminded him of me the week before. He then started sending sexy texts and said as I know he doesn't sleep around and I was the last time he had sex. He was reminiscing about us being intimate and how he misses that and I don't know if he meant it but basically hinted just at sex. I then said was going to to sleep? Night x... I haven't heard from him, it's been a couple of days and I always initiate contact. I don't just want sex, I want more than that. Is that all he wants? I thought he was moving on but now it's clear he still misses me, but he isn't initiating meeting up or texting, when I asked to meet last time he wasn't sure. I want him to sort his issues out before anything can happen. Where do I go from here? I don't want to always initiate with him, I want it to come from him... Your advice would be great Kevin, thanks a mill
Hi Kevin,
I sent a text after a week about something funny remindering me of him, he replied saying the same thing reminded him of me the week before. He then started sending sexy texts and said as I know he doesn't sleep around and I was the last time he had sex. He was reminiscing about us being intimate and how he misses that and I don't know if he meant it but basically hinted just at sex. I then said was going to to sleep? Night x... I haven't heard from him, it's been a couple of days and I always initiate contact. I don't just want sex, I want more than that. Is that all he wants? I thought he was moving on but now it's clear he still misses me, but he isn't initiating meeting up or texting, when I asked to meet last time he wasn't sure. I want him to sort his issues out before anything can happen. Where do I go from here? I don't want to always initiate with him, I want it to come from him... Your advice would be great Kevin, thanks a mill
It's a good sign. It doesn't necessarily mean he is trying to move on. He was just expressing what he felt and probably seeing you so upbeat made him a little confused. Give him some time to think and sort out his issues. Contact him again after a week.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I were together for 3 years, the first off and on (where I broke up with him because I wanted a commitment and he wanted a promotion :-/) and he waited 7 months and wanted me back and said he was ready.. the last 2 years were great.. we loved each other and never argued about anything until the last 6ish months were he wanted me to move in but I wanted to get engaged. (he made a few comments of we'll be engaged by August but didnt follow through).. I stayed a lot at his place but never fully moved in.. This past January, I got angry and moved all my stuff back to my place.. he pleaded for a month about me moving in with him fully and said he'd get a Uhaul tomorrow and bascially I said unless there's a ring it's a no go... he spoke with me until about 3 weeks ago one night calling then the next nothing.. and was MIA for a week, went on vacation with some guy friends, deleted me from facebook then came back and now is dating some girl he knew a long time ago (not sure if they ever dated or not).. I really love him and know that the last months of our relationship I put a lot of pressure on him but I'm 29 & he's 39 so I felt like he should be ready. Basically the last month I've been feeling as though I shouldnt have pressured so much and cant imagine myself with anyone else. :0/ My fear is that this girl has a kid and I dont want him to be with her and because she's not pressuring him for those things b/c she's been married, divorced, and engaged again, and split from him too that he'll feel less pressure and commit.
Hey L,
I don't think he will commit just because there is less pressure. And many times, pressure does help in making a decision. But it was not the case with him. I think you should accept the fact that he is not ready to commit right now. And if commitment is important to you, you should try to move on and find someone who is ready to commit.
Hey L,
I don't think he will commit just because there is less pressure. And many times, pressure does help in making a decision. But it was not the case with him. I think you should accept the fact that he is not ready to commit right now. And if commitment is important to you, you should try to move on and find someone who is ready to commit.
Hey Kevin,
About a year ago I ran into my first crush. She is 35 im 28 she saw that I had grown up a lot since I was 18 and was immediately attracted to me. We fell madly in love right away and dated for a year. We had such passionate love and were truly best friends. She told me so many times That she loves me with her whole heart and never felt this way about anyone and I would have to be the one to leave her cause she could never even think about it. We were soulmates n I can't even describe how true it was. I however was constantly jealous and played mind games w her a lot. I let her down constantly. She cried all the time to her family saying how much she loved me n her dad told me so I know its true. So here's where the question comes into play. She dated this guy alex for two years before me. He stalked her for the whole year we dated he texted her all the time. She never answered. She told me she never loved him her dad said he was no good and they always broke up. He smashed her phone, threatened to put naked pictures of her online. She said the whole time they dated she was depressed and it wasn't even a relationship. She might olny see him 2 Times in a whole months. Two weeks ago we broke up and literally two days after she was back with him. I know she still loves me she admitted it. She says I pushed her away. She says she wishes I didn't do this to the relationship. I know she doesnt love this guy im way better looking she always said he was ugly. So so far ive begged pleaded left vmails done everYthing I should not do. She blocked me on Facebook but did not change her profile pic to them. Her family loved me and wants us to get back together they hate him. Im so crushed I miss her so much I truly love her w all my heart and would b different if I had another chance. She says she wishes I could still b the man Iwas she she fell In Love w me but doesnt think I can. I can't stand the thought of her being w this guy n just miss her. I thought I would marry her. Is there any hope? What should I do I can't describe to you the pain I feel. I can get other women but I Just don't want anyone else.
Hey Edward,
You should read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hey Edward,
You should read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hi Kevin,
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, about two months ago. Our decision to go on a break was not through lack of love or infidelity or anything like that, I was approaching deadline on a large scale project and I felt guilty about putting her on the backburner. I am her first boyfriend, and things were shaping up for us to settle down and marry once both of our professional lives had become a little less turbulent. After about three weeks apart, it become apparent just how much we balance each other out as people and how much I truly love her. I contacted her only to have her inform me that she doesn't want to come back right now, and she has developed feelings for someone else. After much persuading I convinced her to spend a weekend at my parents vacation house, to try and sort it out. Obviously there was a sad kind of tension in the air, but for the most part it was mutual affection and positive signs (and we were together intimately, throughout the weekend). On Monday, she said that while she had a great time and loves me dearly, she is still confused and while she has these feelings for this other guy, she can't come back, but she knows eventually she wants to marry me and start a family, down the line. The day after that, she sends a text, saying how much she misses me. In spite of this, part of me worries that she may never come back. This new person can focus all of his time on her, he works in the same industry and socialises in all of the same friendship circles. He is the less complicated option. I don't know what I should do. I love her and don't want to be with anybody else.
You should follow the 5 step plan.
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi!
it has been 12 days after the breakup, i went on my skype and he erased me, I was not planning to contact him at all and i sent a contcat request by mistake! It was a mistake!!!! im not very techny what can I do??? it was a mistake!!!!
It's OK Adriana. Don't worry about it. Carry on with the plan.
It's OK Adriana. Don't worry about it. Carry on with the plan.
Hi Kevin -
I'm reposting as I didn't read the guidelines before my first post.
My boyfriend (just turned 27) and I (turning 27 in May) broke up about a week ago. He said that he didn't feel the same way I felt about him. So I accepted it and never contacted him again. He reached out to me via text on Saturday to check in and see if I was doing ok and I responded because I thought it was rude that I didn't. I told him I was doing really well, I've been learning a whole lot about myself, and asked him how he was doing. He replied saying it's been hard for him, he hopes we can be friends and if there's anything he can do to make things easier for me to let him know. Towards the end of the text conversation, I asked him if we could have a closure chat at that moment because I felt like he didn't tell me everything about why we broke up. He said he wasn't in the right state of mind and suggested we do lunch this Saturday. I do love him and want him back but I'm not really sure what to do. Based on the plan I should not have lunch with him since it hasn't been 30 days and I haven't really made that many positive changes in my life. If so, how do I go about reaching out to cancel lunch? What do I say?
Thanks,
Sue
Hey Sue,
If you think you can handle the lunch, then go ahead and meet him and just try to stay positive. Don't show any signs of neediness during lunch. I think you've handled the breakup pretty well till now and you will do just fine with the lunch. You can start no contact after lunch again if you want.
Hey Sue,
If you think you can handle the lunch, then go ahead and meet him and just try to stay positive. Don't show any signs of neediness during lunch. I think you've handled the breakup pretty well till now and you will do just fine with the lunch. You can start no contact after lunch again if you want.
Does my ex boyfriend still love me? And want to be back with me?
We were together for just under 2 years, we are young and met at school. We were great together up until about 3 weeks before he broke up with me. He just started acting like a jerk and spoke to me quite abusively. We broke up because he said he didnt want to hurt me anymore, he said this for about a week before we broke. He used it for the whole week and i was on the phone to him every night with solutions that would have fixed everything! Then out of the blue, he told me he had lost feeling for me, and had for a couple of weeks (which isnt true). We broke up on bad terms (me yelling at him and him saying nothing back) and so now we havent spoken, its only been 2 days since it happened and i think there is a good chance of us getting back together, i just want to know why he is doing the following:
Yes they are immature, but it is what he is doing..
1. Adding slutty looking girls on facebook when he knows i can see... (We had alot of arguments over this stuff during the relationship).
2. He didnt reply to my last 2 messages i sent him (during the break up! Not after.) he didnt see them either.
3. He is ignoring me.
4. He still loves me, he said that but now he is acting like our relationship didnt happen.
5. He is on facebook for short periods of time (1-5 minutes), then goes offline for about 2-3 and comes back on for another short time... Im not sure if he is checking up on me? Maybe waiting for me to message him? Or maybe he has already moved on and is talking to someone else..
I just need a bit of help to clarify what these actions could mean.
Thankyou x
From the things you said, I am pretty sure he has not moved on and still has feelings for you. But none of it suggests he wants to get back with you.
From the things you said, I am pretty sure he has not moved on and still has feelings for you. But none of it suggests he wants to get back with you.
Hello Kevin,
I find your site very interesting. Thank you for making this.
My ex and I broke up yesterday after 10 months relationship. We don't usually see each other often as he lives in a different city in a different country. But it was great when we are together. Though I think I might have some reasons, I miss him so much when we are not together and it made me really jealous, and sneaky and, I know, less attractive. He acted that way too in the beginning of our relationship and I tried to calm him down and reassured him that there was nothing to worry about. But when it came to me being insecure and needy, he didn't care (from my perspective). I always tended to "dramatize"to get his attention, and he hated this, I really do understand. He was tired of me being a drama queen, he also always said I had to get a life and stop stalking on him. I was never like that before, I felt like he was constantly pushing me to be this sneaky... I tried not to be so, but he was doing what he was always been doing: he never replied to my messages but I see him online on FB (I complained about that to him but he didn't care, so I once again got out of mind and said hurtful things -things that he said to me before but I forgave him- this lead to the breakup after i haven't talk to him for a few days). He told me it was over when he found out I was trying to checking upon him (though he blocked me on FB) when I tried to spy his writings and communication with to a girl he had very recently added to FB and with whom he seemed very close with. The girl obviously told him and she blocked me too. I feel like s***t (sorry) as I don't always do this. I have never done this. It hurted me so bad when my friends told me he was writing publicly "Sweet dreams R" (R is the girl), while we have just broke up. I would never do something like that to him if I was in his shoes... I know why he wanted to end this relationship, I have to work on myself for some time, but I think if he loved me he would understand that distance and insecurity make you do crazy things, and he would not immediately start something with a girl he has just "met". I begged him to give me another chance yesterday (we used to get in a verbal fight together often and when he begs me to give him a chance, I do, he did that too many times but this time, it didn't work), I know I can be a better person. he replied only once, telling me, he will tell me when he will be ready to listen to what I have to say.
I decided to start the NC today so I didn't reply back. Or should I reply back? Is there any chance that he will get back to me and love me and respect me?
Thank you very much and sorry for writing a so long comment.
You should not reply back. And yes there is a chance.
You should not reply back. And yes there is a chance.
im a bit skeptical of all of this. the entire scheme here sounds like immature games.
Go from this page of rules to that page of rules and back and forward. and what if the ex has read another website or talked to friends with a different set of such strategies. The games could go on for years. if any two people are involved in this type of thing ...maybe they arent mature enough for a relationship in the first place. Nothing beats straightforward honesty, its less hassle all round and if you are both playing such games then what does that really say ?
I say forget all the games. You go to your ex and say straight up "im not going to play a lot of games, this is how it is.. i still want to get back, but we need to have some time to think about it. we broke up for particular reasons so we should ask why. If we start playing a lot of games its likely we will never get back together if we want to, so lets just take some time to think about it.. say a couple of weeks or so.. then have another meetup and be straight with each other about the whole thing. Maybe there are things that would have to change and we can have a rational discussion about whether such changes are possible, given our situations"
See very simple.. but perhaps for adults only ?
Hey,
Thanks for your comment and your insights. I know it seems like the plan is meant to be about playing mind games, but if you notice, a huge part of the plan (Step 2) is about self realization and self-improvement. And I think you'll agree everyone (even adults) can benefit from that.
Also, in most cases, when you tell your ex you want to get back, they will most probably put their defense up (especially if they were the one who broke up). It's not because they want to play mind games, but simply because it's human nature to try to be consistent with their decision.
Hey,
Thanks for your comment and your insights. I know it seems like the plan is meant to be about playing mind games, but if you notice, a huge part of the plan (Step 2) is about self realization and self-improvement. And I think you'll agree everyone (even adults) can benefit from that.
Also, in most cases, when you tell your ex you want to get back, they will most probably put their defense up (especially if they were the one who broke up). It's not because they want to play mind games, but simply because it's human nature to try to be consistent with their decision.
Hey Kevin,
I hope you are well. I could really do with some advice. I was with my boyfriend for 5.5 years, in this time we were madly in love with eachother, we brought a house together & everything was fine until about 4 months ago i would say! We began not taking, bring distant, we had lots of money worries & i totally suffocated him by telling him he shouldn't go out with his friends he should save money & on too of this he is very unhappy in his company hes been with them 11 years & still waiting for a promotion they turned him down 3 times already at three different interviews within the company! As well as all this i was very unhappy in my job to the point ide cry at breakfast from frustration, i let go of myself & the person he fell in love with, i nagged him a lot & made him feel bad for having fun! I stopped trying to be attractive & we were no longer intimate! Everything blew up in our faces a month ago & literally over night he decided he no longer feels the same about me & he doesnt want this or any relationship at the moment & wants to be alone! He told my mum that there is zero hope for us he doesnt want this no way no how despite the fact that i found out that 2 months ago he asked my mum for my hand in marriage! He became very angry & bitter we both cried a lot it was an awful emotional time! Then i went into stupid phase recently begging him to give us a chance while he says theres no hope & he doesnt love me the same way as before! We own a house together & hes already called someone to come talk to us about our options & either selling or getting one of our names off! Im my heart im praying to God he sees sense because he is truly the man i wanted to have a future & partnership with. While ide love to do the 30 day NC rule i dont know how since we love together & there is no space at my mums plus im still paying the mortgage & bills however if u think from what i have written that there maybe hope for us & u think the 30 day rule plus all the things after that may help if he begins to fall in love with me again then ill find a way to deal with it for a month & stay away!
I would really appreciate your advice as ive read a lot recently & your piece has been the most hopeful for me so far.
Thank you so much
M
Yes, I do think there is a chance and you should read this article to know how to implement no contact rule in your situation.
Yes, I do think there is a chance and you should read this article to know how to implement no contact rule in your situation.
Hi Kevin,
I broke up with my ex bf a month ago. We both are 27. We were friends for long time, dated for more than 3years, and lived together for more than a year. We were planning of getting married next year, but ex couldn't make up his mind completely and he left me after I mistakenly said we should break up. Soon after I realized I said too much and apologized, but he didn't change his mind.
We both were mentally unstable sometimes, which lead us having so many arguments especially for the last half a year. We got through a long distance before living together, I thought we had a strong bond. He says; 1. he can't imagine a happy future with me because we argue a lot, 2. he's very stressed out because of many other things so he wants to be by himself, 3. he doesn't know what to do in his life so I should be happier if I'm with someone else, 4. he knows I will support him for the future but one of us cannot be completely happy, 5. he sometimes think maybe the separation was a mistake but it was for the best. I couldn't accept the separation. I tried to talk to him a few times in person but we couldn't talk what we wanted to talk because he was so emotional and stressed.
In the last talk we had, I said to him we shouldn't see or contact each other any more. He said he didn't want it so suddenly because I'm still important to him, but finally accepted.
But after 3 days, I sent him a message saying 'we can be friends but I just need more time to sort out my mind' and 'I will be okay without you soon, but so far I feel it was very fun to be with you'. Of course he didn't reply me.
Do you think I still have hope and what do you think I should do?
Yes, you do have hope. I'll recommend you work on your communication issues before getting back in touch with him. I highly recommend the book "Non- Violent Communications" By Marshall Rosenberg.
Thanks, I'll check the book! Also, do you think no contact is still effective for men who give up on relationships because they're not confident in themselves and think their girlfriends deserve better?
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
Thanks, I'll check the book! Also, do you think no contact is still effective for men who give up on relationships because they're not confident in themselves and think their girlfriends deserve better?
Thanks, I'll check the book! Also, do you think no contact is still effective for men who give up on relationships because they're not confident in themselves and think their girlfriends deserve better?
Yes, you do have hope. I'll recommend you work on your communication issues before getting back in touch with him. I highly recommend the book "Non- Violent Communications" By Marshall Rosenberg.
Hey so my no contact period ended yesterday. My only problem is yesterday my ex deleted my mother from facebook and deleted most pictures of me and him on there too. It hurt but I feel like he is playing games. The past few days he has been putting up attention seeking status' and writing where he is going to be like he is waiting for me to turn up. Then he deletes my mum but doesn't delete my dad, brother and friends. Every photo he puts up of himself he looks miserable and i feel he is waiting for me to call or text. Now is the time I can text him but after yesterday I don't know whether I should. I don't know if I am just making excuses for him or if he is doing this to move on. But I must be on his mind for him to be makinig these conscious decisions to post and remove my mum. Do I have hope or is he a lost cause. I am scared to text. P.S I have progressed massively since the breakup and developed myself into a confident attractive person. I have so much going for me now and the only thing missing is the love of my life.
If that's the case, I'll recommend you wait another week.
If that's the case, I'll recommend you wait another week.
Hi Kevin, I am having big dramas with my partner and don't know what to do. We have been together nearly 17 years. He recently met a girl he really liked and started an affair. Problem is we get along really well, are best of friends and still have a great love life. He said he was bored with life and nearing 40 having a mid life crisis. I told him he should leave, get it out of his system and when he's done, come home and we'll see how I feel.
The problem with this is that our lives are so enmeshed, it's impossible for him to stay away. He turns up home for some reason to see me everyday. We end up fighting then he goes home to be with her. This situation is just getting more confusing by the day. He can't seem to walk away from her or me. What to do?
You should walk away and make it easier for him. When he comes home, don't talk to him unless it's an important issue unrelated to your personal life and your relationship with him. If he wants to talk about it, tell him you need space and time and you don't think it's the right time to talk about it. Don't get intimate with him and keep your space.
You should walk away and make it easier for him. When he comes home, don't talk to him unless it's an important issue unrelated to your personal life and your relationship with him. If he wants to talk about it, tell him you need space and time and you don't think it's the right time to talk about it. Don't get intimate with him and keep your space.
im 3 days over my 30 days no contact rule. before that my ex wanted nothing to do with me, and though I was upset of what he did, I still wanted to be polite and keep the communication lines between us. I might have been on his face for him not to want to receive any texts from me. Im over him and I love the fact that Im in the better place than where I was a month ago. I still wanna talk to him, and not be friends or anything but just knowing that we ended it on a good note will make me rest and probably move on peacefully. I dont want him back or anything. Im afraid he will think I want him back if I text him first. Truly I dont, but I also dont want to keep him on my contacts if I cannot even speak to him. Can I rather wait for his birthday or just not bother.
If you are over him, then I don't think you should bother. If you get back in touch with him, there is a chance that some of the past feelings might resurface. It's best to avoid it. At least for a couple more months.
If you are over him, then I don't think you should bother. If you get back in touch with him, there is a chance that some of the past feelings might resurface. It's best to avoid it. At least for a couple more months.
I am 21 and she is 22. Our almost 4 years relationship broke up after I slapped her for her fault and then she broke up with me, so did I. Then she tried me to come back to her but when I tried she would misbehave with me very bad. Then I would move on and she again tried to draw my attention. And then finally she broke up and for many family reasons she had no mobile internet and other stuff with what I could communicate with her. Sometime I could manage to contact her but she would avoid or misbehave with me very bad. Besides that her family situation was getting worse and her mom died after suffering 1 2 month. After hearing the news I couldnt control myself. I confront to her again and apilogize but she was very different. She said such things that I even didnt know she knows. Sometime I would give her space for 2 3 days and would again contact. Then she one day told me that she doesnt think I am a good person. So she is giving me a chance to prove myself. She will judge me in the next 2 month. If I get 90 out of 100 in her marking she will consider that I am a good person and she will stay with me. So I started good. As your article said I showed her my updated look, I showed her my changes and showed my happy life. One day she also told me that she still loves me and thats why she gave me the chance and having conversation with me. But something went wrong in the 2 month. She judged me so improperly which I couldnt agree. So I thought that if I ended up a winner by this and even finally win her passing his exam I will not be happy because I dont want such kind of relationship. So I decided not to get 90 but close to that so that there is a space for me to say that I didnt lose. So I ended up with 75 and broke up with her. Now almost 22 days have passed. I still love her and want her to come back. What do you think will she come back ? How is the possibility ? I have been sharing my happy moments in facebook so that she can see , is that right ? Please tell me what are you thinking including the answers of my questions. It should be mentioned that we had a truly intimate relationship and she was a very good girl. Before breaking up she said "please can I request you ? If you fail in the exam and we break up , dont at least contact me for 1 month. If you want to contact me. Then do it after one month" does that mean she wants me to contact her after 1 month ? Please tell me.. I am a very strong and a happy person but I care her and want her back.
I'll suggest you contact her after one and a half month.
I'll suggest you contact her after one and a half month.
Hello Kevin,
This is Kesha Caser from previous messages below. I’ve basically failed at the no contact issue. I continue to have to start over. I have texted small things such as "How are you, hey whats up" and things of that nature. He responds back but it is very short or one or two words. I did talk to him about my feelings 2 weeks ago and all he could say is "man i messed up and to make it easier for me he wanted to keep in contact" I met up with him and basically just talked to him. He never once asked how I was doing. Everything was about him. I texted him Easter Sunday and we had a brief conversation. I sent him some encouraging words because he is trying to play professional football and will know the results next month. However, at the end of the encouraging text I stated, "In the mist of praying that we get back together, GOD has redirected me to encourage you. He did not respond back after that. I am still torn but is doing a lot better. It has been 2 days of no contact. What do I do from here?
Continue no contact and this time keep it for at least 30 days.
Dear friend I have been in worst condition than ever I had an affair with a widow who happens to be my colleague as well We work at the same place but haven't shared a word or gesture since last 1 month initially it hurts but now I realised I am going to reap the benefits cause I have done my homework perfectly well to make her feel how important I am in her life
Yes, the no contact period hurts and is very hard. It has been 4 days today. The longest that I have ever been. I want to contact him but I know it is not worth it so I have to strive to continue the no contact.
Thanks for your encouragment.
Yes, the no contact period hurts and is very hard. It has been 4 days today. The longest that I have ever been. I want to contact him but I know it is not worth it so I have to strive to continue the no contact.
Thanks for your encouragment.
Yes, the no contact period hurts and is very hard. It has been 4 days today. The longest that I have ever been. I want to contact him but I know it is not worth it so I have to strive to continue the no contact.
Thanks for your encouragment.
Continue no contact and this time keep it for at least 30 days.
Dear friend I have been in worst condition than ever I had an affair with a widow who happens to be my colleague as well We work at the same place but haven't shared a word or gesture since last 1 month initially it hurts but now I realised I am going to reap the benefits cause I have done my homework perfectly well to make her feel how important I am in her life
It's been 7 weeks. She called at two weeks to say she doesn't think we should talk for awhile. I had just sent an apology letter realizing what I had done wrong, but other than that had gone/been quiet. She started calling a couple weeks ago to ask random questions or if I'd bring my dog to her pet store.
After about 1.5 weeks, she'd called three times texted a couple, I decided to call on the way to work. I got a "I'm seeing someone, we're done talking, don't ever talk to me again"
Lasted till that evening when she called and woke me up at 11:30 pm and was on the phone for 40 minutes. She texted next day to see if I'd bring the dog into her store. I said I was off hiking for the weekend with a friend. 4 minutes later "Why do you not say "with my friend xyz" like it's a ridiculous pet peeve but saying with a friend seems cold and distant. If you really think it's going to upset me if it's a girl I don't care"
When I didn't respond for a couple hours:
"Sorry. Have a good weekend we'll talk soon"
Feels like a rebound. I've been busy working on myself, I got really depressed last winter and didn't let her in. Met her two years ago. Curious on other opinions.
Reading your "Sneaky Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (Even If They Say They Don’t)"
she seems to fail a few of them.
Hey Fred,
I think she is exhibiting some of the signs and she definitely still has feelings for you.
Hey Fred,
I think she is exhibiting some of the signs and she definitely still has feelings for you.
Hello Kevin,
I know you probably are tired of seeing my name but I need some help. So I am going to start the no contact like you suggested but how to attract my ex back after meeting up with him and crying and talking about the past. I want to reverse all of that but how?? Will just the no contact and working on myself change that? Or is all hope lost he is being really distant now when just a week ago he was saying he misses me with sad faces. I really love him and know our love was true. I really want another chance, what to do? I'm sorry for so many messages and I thank you so much for everything!
Yes, no contact will change the way he thinks of you.
Yes, no contact will change the way he thinks of you.
Well Kevin you were right about the hot and cold behavior, it did pass. On Friday at work I was in the break room eating my lunch and my ex happened to walk in and we always glance and smirk at each other. When he left and was out of sight, he sent me a text saying that I looked nice. I replied saying he looked handsome and he said, “Stop you’re making me blush.” After work, I thought he was going to go to the back where his truck was but instead walked with me outside to the front where we talked for about 10 minutes before I had to leave. He asked for a hug before we parted ways. My question is, how should I go about this in the future, and should I wait for him to make a move?
Yes, you should just continue the flirting and wait for him to make a move. If he doesn't make a move in the next 2-3 weeks, then you should ask him out.
Yes, you should just continue the flirting and wait for him to make a move. If he doesn't make a move in the next 2-3 weeks, then you should ask him out.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my girlfriend just broke up after 4 and half years of being together (1 year of living together) and I must say I am so confused but here's the basic story. Basically 3months ago (2 weeks before we are due to go away) she told me she was unhappy and told me her reasons as to why - I tried to change the situation but she was still having doubts and said she was confused, didn't know who she was anymore and just wanted to be alone. So with that, we kinda decided to split up. BUT as it happens the decision was more on her side. So I wanted to know from her whether she thinks we could get back together maybe after a couple of months...and she said she wasn't sure but also declared that we are breaking up and definitely not on a break but she doesn't know whether we'll be back together again (hope this makes sense). So because she couldn't give me closure I sought for the answer to the question of - do you want me to move on and let go of any feelings I had for you? And her reply was - I don't know!!!......So basically, I am confused and I don't know what to do - No Contact - if so how long - will it work - does she just need time to realise we had a good thing going on!? Please help dude thanks.... P.S. I have been reading your articles on NC but I'm not sure how to go about this in my situation. Would be great to hear from you....Maison
You should apply no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
You should apply no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
I decided to do no contact for a month since this past weekend. If my ex emails me a really nice and heartfelt letter (after some recent email exchanges processing our breakup a bit - he broke up with me a few days ago), but does not make any comments about wanting to get back together, is it okay to reply with something like:
"Thank you for your honest email. I've been doing a lot of self reflection for the past few days and want to tell you about it, but I think what I really need is some space and time right now. I'll contact you when I feel ready to." or is it better to leave out the part about the self reflection? I guess I don't want him to think I am upset with him after he took the few days he told me he needed to digest everything and reply in a way that I deserved (this is what he said).. so I want to be similarly respectful of him, and I don't want my email to sound like I am upset by anything he wrote. Or do you have any other tips? I don't think ignoring his email is a good idea for the same reason.. but I do want to apply no contact right away after that. Thanks for any advice you can give!
Yes, I think it's OK to reply with that email.
Yes, I think it's OK to reply with that email.
Hey Kevin,
I was dating this girl at work for almost 7 months, things were really doing moderately well and we always had fun with each other and always spent time with each other.
About a month before we broke up she was having problems sleeping and I was having problems staying committed to her and started to act cold and started to want to go out less and focus on my own hobbies and not her.
1 week before the breakup, I got a promotion at my job and was sent to another store about 30 mins away from where I did work which requires me to work there for 3 months. She sounded happy for me and was proud. I would see her alot less because of this, I would rather go home then go see her. Instead I would call her on break every time I was there and slowly she started to talk less and started to care less. I would go over to her house occasionally to see her but she never really talked. Other then that, we would communicate via video chat or just texting.
When we broke up she didn't want to tell me (She was crying) but i knew what she wanted. I took most of my things and left the house and went back to my house. I didn't text her and went NC for the day and she sent me a text saying she missed me and was pretty much confused on her emotions. I talked to her briefly and 3 days after the breakup she called me crying saying she loved me and wanted to see me. I didn't say I loved her too but told her we could go out and meet. We meet, had dinner. We kissed and went back to our lives.
For about two weeks we would only text and she seemed to be getting better which made me feel better. I asked her for lunch and we ate and she seemed happy with her life. I made the silly decision to kiss her again when we left and that hurt me because I still cared for her and I wasn't sure if she did.
Since that lunch she has been doing more with her life. Going out with friends more, partying, and going to concerts and baseball games. Stuff I would want to do with her now. I sent her a letter (which i regret) stating all the mistakes I did in the relationship and apologizing for all of it and told her if she ever grew interest I would love a second chance and told her that i love her. She sent me a response saying she still thinks about me often and she isn't sure what she wants and that she wants to focus on her life and friends more but told me she wasn't ready for a relationship again.
Since then I've been no contact and it's been about 2 weeks. I've been working out and trying to go out more and get rid of my bad habits she told me she didn't like. Is she just focusing more on herself and isn't ready for a relationship? Is she trying forget me or move on by partying and drinking more and going out all the time or is she doing this because we never did before the breakup?
Should I just wait another 2 weeks and contact her again w/o the interest of getting back together and ask her to lunch again? Thanks Kevin for this site, it definitely has helped me through the hard times and I'm much happier now and hope everything works out.
Yes, you should wait another 2 weeks and get back in touch. As for why she is partying and drinking, I think the reason is a little bit of both the things you mentioned.
Thanks for responding, as for the contact method, should I just text her and follow step 4 and slowly ask her out to eat or should I do another letter but without the same mistakes?
It's your call. Both options are fine.
It's your call. Both options are fine.
It's your call. Both options are fine.
It's your call. Both options are fine.
Thanks for responding, as for the contact method, should I just text her and follow step 4 and slowly ask her out to eat or should I do another letter but without the same mistakes?
Thanks for responding, as for the contact method, should I just text her and follow step 4 and slowly ask her out to eat or should I do another letter but without the same mistakes?
Sorry forgot to say the ages but she's 23, I'm 25
Yes, you should wait another 2 weeks and get back in touch. As for why she is partying and drinking, I think the reason is a little bit of both the things you mentioned.
Sorry forgot to say the ages but she's 23, I'm 25
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I have been together for 4 years we've been off for 5 months now, I've tried the NC for 8 days but he texted me again bec my friend told him that I was rushed to the hospital because of our unsuccesful abortion then the NC was postponed and now we're talking again, it's so hard because he's shutting me out , he's flirting with other girls online, he would go ballistic and would be ill-tempered. I should be 4 months pregnant now with him but we aborted the baby bec he told me that he's not yet ready and I feel like he's really confused. He still concern with me, I could tell that but he's so cold now and all. Help!
You should apply no contact again Kim and this time keep it for 30 days.
But do you think we still have a chance? cause everytime I try to ignore him he always makes the 1st move to text me.
Yes, I do think so.
Yes, I do think so.
Yes, I do think so.
Yes, I do think so.
But do you think we still have a chance? cause everytime I try to ignore him he always makes the 1st move to text me.
But do you think we still have a chance? cause everytime I try to ignore him he always makes the 1st move to text me.
You should apply no contact again Kim and this time keep it for 30 days.
Hey Kevin,
Been dating this girl for over 2 years and recently broke up on a pretty good note. Saw her with another guy after 2 weeks, realized what I've lost, contacted her about it, acted a bit needy for a day or two, she pushed me away annoyed, so at the end of the week I just sent an email saying that I didn't mean to upset her, I'm happy for her, I'm all good, and told her to contact me whenever she felt comfortable. We've been an amazing couple in the first year and half so I doubt she could move on that quickly even if she had been planning it for the last month of the relationship, so I'm pretty convinced it's a rebound. I started NC and I'm planning to wait about 2 months to initiate contact again unless she ends up contacting me as long as it's after at least a month (NC has been just a week only thus far). My question is, is it okay to initiate contact after NC is over even if she is still with the new guy? How do I end up winning her back at that point? She seems pretty happy with the new relationship currently (been almost a month now).
Yes, it's OK to contact her even if she has another guy. When you get back in touch, approach her as a friend. Then slowly increase contact with her and build attraction and eventually ask her to meet up. As soon as you get back in the picture, her new relationship will start suffering itself.
Yes, it's OK to contact her even if she has another guy. When you get back in touch, approach her as a friend. Then slowly increase contact with her and build attraction and eventually ask her to meet up. As soon as you get back in the picture, her new relationship will start suffering itself.
I feel like my ex-boyfriend is a slightly special case. He went through a great deal of trauma shortly before he met me. He had been in a 6 year relationship with a physically and emotionally abusive partner. They had been living together and engaged, but he was finally forced to leave her when the toxic environment became too much.
Five months later he met me and I thought we had a very healthy, loving relationship. It lasted 8 months. The problem is ever since he left his ex, he has had no friends and he doesn't have much family to speak of. Ever since I met him, I've been the only person in his life he was close to. This is why I think I was so hesitant to cut him out of my life after our breakup. I knew if I didn't stay his friend, he would have literally nobody.
But I finally decided for my own well-being that I can't keep up the friendship facade. It feels like I'm abandoning him, but I think it's the right thing for me. I guess my question is, can I make this an exception to the no contact rule? I told him if he really needed to talk or wanted to check in on me, I would be ok with it, but that I wouldn't be the one to contact him until I felt ready. I don't know if he will contact me, but I felt like it was important for me to leave the door ajar since I'm the only important relationship in his life and he's been pretty miserable for a while now.
Hey Alison,
Since you already told him that you will be there for him, then you can reply to him when he contacts you. However, if him contacting you is slowing your progress, then you will have to eventually tell him to give you some time and space.
Hey Alison,
Since you already told him that you will be there for him, then you can reply to him when he contacts you. However, if him contacting you is slowing your progress, then you will have to eventually tell him to give you some time and space.
It's okay that you missed it,i didn't send him anything.It was my nameday yesterday and he didn't wish me..His mother did,she was asking me how i was doing and i told he i'm great :) and she wanted to open a chat about general things (maybe she was waiting for me to say something about her son),i don't know if he told her to contact me and see how i am,or if she did it on her own.In previous times,she would just wish me and that was it.Now she was opening chats !?! Should i take that as a sign or what? I'm in day 10 of no contact.
Don't take it as a sign. A lot of times, mothers get involved without the knowledge of their children.
Don't take it as a sign. A lot of times, mothers get involved without the knowledge of their children.
Hi Kevin,
how can i exercise NC if we are staying in the same house?I cant just stay somewhere else and leave her pay the r house rent all by herself.any suggestion please?
I've written about it here.
I've written about it here.
Hi Kevin.
my last comment didn't get posted and i realy want a answer from you so ill write a new comment. I am a 30 year old male and my ex is 25. We met trough Internet. And broke up on 1 February. We had a long distance relationship for about 14 months. I live in holland and she lives on spain. But I did go meet her in real life a few times and we where even planning to live together. On 1 February she just ended it. Told me she wanted to be just friends. And told me I deserved a better girl that lived close to me. A few days after the break up. She told me she didn't love me anymore. Wich is impossible bcuz we where deeply in love and where best friends. We talked everyday from the moment we woke up untill the moment we went to sleep. And also skyped everyday for hours. But after the break up i made all the mistakes u mentioned. Stalking her, begging, constantly texting her. And even turned into being mean and calling her names. One day I got so man I deleted her Facebook. And stopped talking to her for about 5 days. I ignored her text and phone calls then one day she sended a text saying. "I don't understand why u deleted me and stopped talking to me i miss talking to u but i ain't gonna beg for your attention" after that we started talking again. But I kept talkong about the break up and kept trying to get her back. Wich made her mad. Then I came across this website (I wish I found this earlier) and all her behaviour started to make sense. That night I had a arguement with her again. And i told her maybe it's best to not talk for a while and that i needed space and time. She agreed. That was 24 days ago. I Havnt spoken to her since then. But last 2 nights ago I had a bit to much alcohol. I was pretty drunk. And sended her a song and said "I love this song, gdnight". She replied with. "Omg jay. I'm so good to hear from you. And yes never heard this music before but it's very cool. I like it" I asked her gow she was doing and she said she was ok and she had a sunburn then asked me how I was doing. I said " im ok gtg sleep. Tc Bbe <3. I hope u doing good goodnight" then after she didn't reply anymore for a while I sended this stupid msg. "I see you forgot me already Hm well ok i hope your happy" next morning she sended me this "I was sleeping already.. Anyway i hope your good aswell tc". Since then we havnt spoken anymore. And I'm realy dying to talk to her again. I just wanne know what shall I do? I mean I almost had 24 days no contact. And when I contacted her I did it while drunk and in the wrong way. Do I have to start no contact again? Or didnt that drunk chat 2 days ago realy mess things up and can I just continue? I realy hope I get a answer this time. Bcuz i feel like she's slipping away from me. Growing further and further apart. And we where best friends. Plz help.
Ps: I wanne thank u so much for your daily emails. They helped me trough a very tough time. Thank u so much.
Hey,
I think you should apply at least two weeks of NC more and then get back in touch with her. The last text you sent her was a little bit needy. Don't repeat the same mistake.
Hey,
I think you should apply at least two weeks of NC more and then get back in touch with her. The last text you sent her was a little bit needy. Don't repeat the same mistake.
Kevin,
I was just recently, within the past week, dumped by my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. We started out as fast friends. We we're pretty serious within a month of figuring out we we're interested in one another. We had a really strong relationship, we communicated well. We'd have fights but we never tried to leave each other upset. But she's currently a senior in college and as her undergrad is winding down, I decided to try and give her "room" to enjoy herself. To her, it came off as I didn't care anymore. When she tried to talk to me about it, I lost my cool and told her "No! There's nothing to talk about!" I guess I was offended that she didn't think I loved her. She dumped me right then. She said she needed space and time, that she thought we could maybe get back together but I couldn't just take away her hurt overnight. She said that she may only need a week.
Since then I've pulled all the run of the mill mistakes. Begging for forgiveness, sent her presents. She still hasn't stonewalled me yet, so I haven't upset her to that point at least. I sent her a handwritten letter with our couple ring in it saying that I will gladly take the ring and her back when she's ready. Of course, she opened the letter, saw the ring fall out, and was furious. Our breakup has been for 5 days and I've had text conversations with her everyday since, day 3, she initiated the conversation after me being busy that whole day. Other than that, I've been initiating contact with her everyday. I just have as recent as this morning. In the past few days I have tried to keep my contact with her short and positive.
I want her back. I feel like a huge piece of me is gone. I have spent this time to work on finding things that make me happy that have nothing to do with her. When I was harassing her with how I wasn't going to do anything wrong ever again, she never shut the door. So I'm optimistic that she may want to come back as well. But my question is, after we JUST had a conversation about how we wanted to keep communicating, how does NC not come off smug? Especially when the coffin nail in our relationship was her feeling neglected?
Hey Danny,
If she didn't officially break up with you till now and said that she only needs space and time, then don't start no contact. If she has officially broken up with you, then you should tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
Hey Danny,
If she didn't officially break up with you till now and said that she only needs space and time, then don't start no contact. If she has officially broken up with you, then you should tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
Kevin,
I know everyone probably says this, but I feel like my situation is slightly different. My ex of 2 3/4 years is 22 and just about to finish up her undergrad in less than 3 weeks and I'm 27 and live about an hour and 15 minutes away. Last week she broke up with me on facebook (where we contacted during the day because I cannot text) because I had been giving her space to enjoy college and not feel bogged down from me. When I told that to her, she said she didn't ask for that she had been hurt by it.
So I pulled all those mistakes you shouldn't, and through that, she said that she "needs time". At one point she said that it might only take her a week. She made it very clear that she didn't want to push me out of her life. My question is, won't NC come off as spiteful in my particular situation? Especially considering just this morning we both affirmed that we did not want to give up?
You can explain it to her before starting no contact that this doesn't mean you want to give up. It just means you need some space and time.
You can explain it to her before starting no contact that this doesn't mean you want to give up. It just means you need some space and time.
It's OK that you replied to her. You didn't break no contact.
I don't think it's too late with the facebook updates thing. And it's not an absolutely necessary step anyways. It definitely helps, but it's not necessary. Use the checklist at the beginning of step 4 to see if you are ready to end no contact.
My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago out of nowhere after being together for a year and a half because he couldn't handle the little fights we got in. He still tells me he loves me, misses me, doesn't want to learn how to live without me and doesn't want me to find anyone else but he understands if I do. When he broke up with me he kept telling me he wasn't even confident in his decision. I told him we needed to stop talking and he wants to know why. He said we shouldn't cut each other out of our lives completely. Is there a chance for us? Is he confused? Please help.
Yes, there is a chance. Tell him you need space and time because the breakup is hard for you.
Yes, there is a chance. Tell him you need space and time because the breakup is hard for you.
I tried to comment 3 times. Non of the 3 comments got posted or answered :(
Sorry Jay. I've been away for the past 3-4 days. I answered your comment here.
Sorry Jay. I've been away for the past 3-4 days. I answered your comment here.
Hi,
I wanted to share my story and some advice. I am 24 and she is 24 as well. We dated for 18 months. During the period of 18 months we have some falls and some ups, like break up but always have made up after a few hours. We went to university of Edinburgh, thats where we met and been living with her for almost 1 year. We talked alot about the future, and even almost went up for marriage (as to actually going to the marriage department). Then she found a job in Aberdeen, and it was a long distance relationship. Few months after she went to Aberdeen, she coudnt stop thinking about me and would come and visit me in Edinburgh, but recently (last 3 months) we become distant and there was nothing to talk about, she was starting to lose patience to talk about her day. The relationship went boring, we start having communication problems. She would get angry at me for every little thing. So she said we should take a break for one month and accepted that. After one week, I didnt wait for 1 month, I asked her the what have she decided, and she said i dont know, then ask her another question, if she needed time, and she said no. Thats when we broke up, which was just a couple of days.
Hey,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Okay,
So me and my Ex broke up about 3 weeks ago... It's a long story...
Long story short though, my previous girlfriend passed away due to cancer over a year ago and me and my ex started dating about 4 months later.. It was hard for me to give her my whole heart for the last year as I was struggling to cope with my situation... But I do love her.. anyway.. she broke up with me because she finally got to her limit. She couldn't handle me having pictures and other items out of my past gf... and she thought that she was never going to be the only girl in my life... So she told me "You have to let go of her or me..." and that was it... so since then, I have realized a lot... I have actually come to peace with my previous girlfriend passing away... I took the items down around my house, I deleted old texts and voicemails.. and I got rid of everything that made my ex uncomfortable... But I begged and pleaded for another chance.. I tried to convince her that I was changed... and it took her tearing my heart to pieces to realize that I needed to move forward in my life... but now I'm just dying for an opportunity to show her who I really am and what I can really be as a boyfriend...
I'm starting the 30 days today but I just worry I may have pushed her too hard by begging her for a chance... I think she blocked my phone number. So what do I do?
Follow the 5 step plan. I think she will eventually start missing you and contact you. I think you still have a good chance.
Follow the 5 step plan. I think she will eventually start missing you and contact you. I think you still have a good chance.
First of all let me tell you that subscribing to your e mails was a real life saver. Got me through this month. Thank you sooooooo much. So, here is an update and an urgent request for feedback. I completed the NC period a few days ago. I was planning my reconnection text but thought I'd give it another week to grow stronger. He called today. 3 times. I did not answer the first two times and then I answered to tell him I was on the other line and I would call him back which I did (half an hour later). The conversation was a bit awkward but definitely charged. He wanted to know all about what I have been up to the past month, even asked about my friends I took a trip with. He confessed he has not been doing good at all (but I am not sure it was about our break up) and we had a rather meaningful albeit short talk. I did keep it short. He tried to keep me on the line as long as he could. At the end he asked me if I gave "us" any thought (he is the guy who is begging me to be his friend and remain in his life, so I am sure this is what he was referring to. Needless to say friendship is NOT what I want from him.) I told him that quite frankly I had not because I had been very busy and I had not allowed myself to think about it. I also told him that this was not the time to go into this and that I was not going to do it but we could speak with each other at some other point if we had actual topics to talk about and that I had to go because I was running late for dinner with friends. He asked me to call him later but I said I will probably be home very late (a lie but I think it is for the best) and hurried to end the call. Literally a minute after the conversation ended I get this message "Hi wish you an awesome evening. Give me a call later if you like. would like to hear how it is all going. Otherwise I'll hear you sometime [pet name]" What the h... do I do next?????? What does it all mean??? please shed some light. I don't want to screw this up. Do you think the NC is actually working? Do you think I might possibly have made a mistake in my interaction? Thank you so much in advance. You have been by far the best source of reasonable support and info.
I think you did well with the interaction. And yes no contact is working. He is starting to chase you. Let him chase you for a while and keep doing what you've been doing.
I am seriously so very grateful to have come across your site and for your insight. So, yes, he did call again next day. We spoke longer than the first call. He told me he has not been himself. He also seemed rather surprised I seem to be doing so well (I said why shouldn't I be, life is to be enjoyed). Once again he asked if I had given "us" any thought. I had to tell him at that point that there is no "us" as he broke up with me, remember? I also told him he was right. The relationship was nonexistant by the end and I agree with the break up. That each relationship needs to go its natural course and not a forced one. So he said "so, when we exchange stuff, this is it? I am never going to see you again?". I told him I don't know but that dissecting a dead relationship leads to nowhere. He then said "I am sorry I am pressing you. I don't mean to. I will take one day at a time. See how it goes." Then we hung up vaguely agreeing to speaking/meeting next week. So, that's the story so far. I didn't want to speak about our failed relationship but he keeps bringing it up. I wish I could avoid it. Anyway, thanks so very very much for everything. the page, your personal input. I appreciate it all. (I am a successful lawyer in my early thirties, not once have I been in such emotional turmoil because of a man, I feel slightly embarassed)
Cheers
Stacey
you're welcome Stacey. I am glad my website helped.
you're welcome Stacey. I am glad my website helped.
you're welcome Stacey. I am glad my website helped.
you're welcome Stacey. I am glad my website helped.
I am seriously so very grateful to have come across your site and for your insight. So, yes, he did call again next day. We spoke longer than the first call. He told me he has not been himself. He also seemed rather surprised I seem to be doing so well (I said why shouldn't I be, life is to be enjoyed). Once again he asked if I had given "us" any thought. I had to tell him at that point that there is no "us" as he broke up with me, remember? I also told him he was right. The relationship was nonexistant by the end and I agree with the break up. That each relationship needs to go its natural course and not a forced one. So he said "so, when we exchange stuff, this is it? I am never going to see you again?". I told him I don't know but that dissecting a dead relationship leads to nowhere. He then said "I am sorry I am pressing you. I don't mean to. I will take one day at a time. See how it goes." Then we hung up vaguely agreeing to speaking/meeting next week. So, that's the story so far. I didn't want to speak about our failed relationship but he keeps bringing it up. I wish I could avoid it. Anyway, thanks so very very much for everything. the page, your personal input. I appreciate it all. (I am a successful lawyer in my early thirties, not once have I been in such emotional turmoil because of a man, I feel slightly embarassed)
Cheers
Stacey
I am seriously so very grateful to have come across your site and for your insight. So, yes, he did call again next day. We spoke longer than the first call. He told me he has not been himself. He also seemed rather surprised I seem to be doing so well (I said why shouldn't I be, life is to be enjoyed). Once again he asked if I had given "us" any thought. I had to tell him at that point that there is no "us" as he broke up with me, remember? I also told him he was right. The relationship was nonexistant by the end and I agree with the break up. That each relationship needs to go its natural course and not a forced one. So he said "so, when we exchange stuff, this is it? I am never going to see you again?". I told him I don't know but that dissecting a dead relationship leads to nowhere. He then said "I am sorry I am pressing you. I don't mean to. I will take one day at a time. See how it goes." Then we hung up vaguely agreeing to speaking/meeting next week. So, that's the story so far. I didn't want to speak about our failed relationship but he keeps bringing it up. I wish I could avoid it. Anyway, thanks so very very much for everything. the page, your personal input. I appreciate it all. (I am a successful lawyer in my early thirties, not once have I been in such emotional turmoil because of a man, I feel slightly embarassed)
Cheers
Stacey
yet another update. Things are happening fast. An hour later he sends this "Hi [pet name] hope it was a great dinner", I don't reply, an hour later he sends "Hi [pet name] how was it tonight was it good? let me know if you want to talk [his pet name]. I reply "Still out, maybe tomorrow" he replies "Let me know. I am still up a while. if you want tonight :-) have fun" I reply "Better some other time, sleep well" he replies" "good times :-)" ten minutes later: "would have been cool to talk to you though". I didn't answer. What now? The no contact stuff apparently works like a charm but what about what we do after. Please please please give me an opinion on what is going on and what I should do next.
Let him chase you for a while. Reply to him and eventually when he asks you out, say yes.
I am not kevin but from reading what you wrote, you did the NC contact period already and are now reconnecting. might be worthwhile to take the plunge and meet up with him and have fun reconnecting, but take things slow and let him be the one to want to get back together with you.
thanks. I just want to take it easy. Can't let him in just yet. I want to wait a bit before meeting him in person. I just didn't expect such a huge change. Two months ago he was hardly answering my texts and a month ago he told me he his feelings for me changed and that we will never be together. I need to be careful. I love this man and I don't want to get hurt again.
Therein lies the issue. If you are afraid of being hurt again, then I think you are right in being cautious. From what I'm finding out, "too much love" seems to be an issue. Even in situations like mine where my girlfriend broke it off because she didn't feel loved enough. In the days that followed the breakup, I gave her an onslaught of love. It seems like that you have to figure out where you don't need your ex. And it sounds like you are on your way.
Super happy for you though, I know that most of the others reading this board and I are all a little jealous as we which we had your dilemma instead of the one we currently face. Stay strong!
Therein lies the issue. If you are afraid of being hurt again, then I think you are right in being cautious. From what I'm finding out, "too much love" seems to be an issue. Even in situations like mine where my girlfriend broke it off because she didn't feel loved enough. In the days that followed the breakup, I gave her an onslaught of love. It seems like that you have to figure out where you don't need your ex. And it sounds like you are on your way.
Super happy for you though, I know that most of the others reading this board and I are all a little jealous as we which we had your dilemma instead of the one we currently face. Stay strong!
Therein lies the issue. If you are afraid of being hurt again, then I think you are right in being cautious. From what I'm finding out, "too much love" seems to be an issue. Even in situations like mine where my girlfriend broke it off because she didn't feel loved enough. In the days that followed the breakup, I gave her an onslaught of love. It seems like that you have to figure out where you don't need your ex. And it sounds like you are on your way.
Super happy for you though, I know that most of the others reading this board and I are all a little jealous as we which we had your dilemma instead of the one we currently face. Stay strong!
Therein lies the issue. If you are afraid of being hurt again, then I think you are right in being cautious. From what I'm finding out, "too much love" seems to be an issue. Even in situations like mine where my girlfriend broke it off because she didn't feel loved enough. In the days that followed the breakup, I gave her an onslaught of love. It seems like that you have to figure out where you don't need your ex. And it sounds like you are on your way.
Super happy for you though, I know that most of the others reading this board and I are all a little jealous as we which we had your dilemma instead of the one we currently face. Stay strong!
Therein lies the issue. If you are afraid of being hurt again, then I think you are right in being cautious. From what I'm finding out, "too much love" seems to be an issue. Even in situations like mine where my girlfriend broke it off because she didn't feel loved enough. In the days that followed the breakup, I gave her an onslaught of love. It seems like that you have to figure out where you don't need your ex. And it sounds like you are on your way.
Super happy for you though, I know that most of the others reading this board and I are all a little jealous as we which we had your dilemma instead of the one we currently face. Stay strong!
thanks. I just want to take it easy. Can't let him in just yet. I want to wait a bit before meeting him in person. I just didn't expect such a huge change. Two months ago he was hardly answering my texts and a month ago he told me he his feelings for me changed and that we will never be together. I need to be careful. I love this man and I don't want to get hurt again.
thanks. I just want to take it easy. Can't let him in just yet. I want to wait a bit before meeting him in person. I just didn't expect such a huge change. Two months ago he was hardly answering my texts and a month ago he told me he his feelings for me changed and that we will never be together. I need to be careful. I love this man and I don't want to get hurt again.
thanks. I just want to take it easy. Can't let him in just yet. I want to wait a bit before meeting him in person. I just didn't expect such a huge change. Two months ago he was hardly answering my texts and a month ago he told me he his feelings for me changed and that we will never be together. I need to be careful. I love this man and I don't want to get hurt again.
Let him chase you for a while. Reply to him and eventually when he asks you out, say yes.
I am not kevin but from reading what you wrote, you did the NC contact period already and are now reconnecting. might be worthwhile to take the plunge and meet up with him and have fun reconnecting, but take things slow and let him be the one to want to get back together with you.
Let him chase you for a while. Reply to him and eventually when he asks you out, say yes.
I am not kevin but from reading what you wrote, you did the NC contact period already and are now reconnecting. might be worthwhile to take the plunge and meet up with him and have fun reconnecting, but take things slow and let him be the one to want to get back together with you.
I think you did well with the interaction. And yes no contact is working. He is starting to chase you. Let him chase you for a while and keep doing what you've been doing.
yet another update. Things are happening fast. An hour later he sends this "Hi [pet name] hope it was a great dinner", I don't reply, an hour later he sends "Hi [pet name] how was it tonight was it good? let me know if you want to talk [his pet name]. I reply "Still out, maybe tomorrow" he replies "Let me know. I am still up a while. if you want tonight :-) have fun" I reply "Better some other time, sleep well" he replies" "good times :-)" ten minutes later: "would have been cool to talk to you though". I didn't answer. What now? The no contact stuff apparently works like a charm but what about what we do after. Please please please give me an opinion on what is going on and what I should do next.
Hi there Kevin,
Things have been going well. Sort of. We met in group for some coffee, and she paid me a lot of attention. She told me it would be great if I could keep our dog another night because she was going to have a lesson. At night she linked a song on facebook, and later I linked another. She commented saying how funny it was that she thought about linking the same song. I told her I listened to the other song first too. She asked me to swear, and I did. Day after I wanted an excuse to get out of the house, and she was coming to get our dog. So I asked her if she mind me going with her to walk the dog (by text). She said she didn't think it made sense. I told her I was sorry, and that I thought she was comfortable with us being "cool". She said she was, but not this way. She then texted me to apologize, and I told her it was fine and to not be bothered by it. Told her I would meet some friends, and that she could pick up our dog at my place. She thanked me, and I told her there was nothing to thank for, and everything was alright. I had a great night with my friends actually.
I feel like I should have not texted her that, and highly regret it. I'm back to 100% limited contact, but I wanted to ask if what happened might be a big blow to my chances? I've been reading relationship rewind and it's actually a great read, not just for people who want their ex back, but for people in relationships. I wish I had found your book earlier.
Thank you Kevin.
Hey Carlos,
I don't think it was big stepback. In fact, I think you handled it pretty well. She said no and you accepted it gracefully. Next time, don't be so hasty in asking her out.
And yes, you did warn me! I got careless because I thought it was pretty harmless at the time.
Hey Carlos,
I don't think it was big stepback. In fact, I think you handled it pretty well. She said no and you accepted it gracefully. Next time, don't be so hasty in asking her out.
And yes, you did warn me! I got careless because I thought it was pretty harmless at the time.
I wrote to you earlier explaining my story, I am currently 13 days NC and plan to be on NC for 1-2months. However, I am starting to lose hope. If a man tells you he wants to focus on himself and his goals such as going back to school and doesn't want to be basically distracted by a relationship, is there really any chance??
Yes, there is a chance. If he realizes a relationship will help him achieve that goal and will not be a hindrance. And when you get back in touch with him, he will realize that a relationship with you is worth it provided you don't be needy.
Yes, there is a chance. If he realizes a relationship will help him achieve that goal and will not be a hindrance. And when you get back in touch with him, he will realize that a relationship with you is worth it provided you don't be needy.
Kevin,
GF of 6 years, one child together, ended it a couple weeks ago. We have been fighting our way through the struggles of raising a child while attending college and working. Childcare is expensive, so we alternate schedules in order for one of us to stay with our daughter. We both worked at a bar and worked on weekends, as well as during nights of the week. We didn't see much of each other, but when we did, it was amazing.
She has been extremely vocal about wanting to be married for a few years now. I expressed my desire to wait until I graduate and can provide a little more stability for our family. I wanted to be able to ask her for her hand knowing that I could provide the type of lifestyle each of us want. I graduate in two months... Had the ring custom made from jeweler out of Colorado, and planned on asking her to marry me in September/October of this year.
Things got hectic toward the end. She was working a lot and was getting stressed out. I tried to talk with her about it numerous times, but vague answers were all I would get. At first I would look past the distancing, but then I started getting frustrated and we would start fighting. Of course, the fighting got worse because I wasn't getting the answers I wanted and she wasn't getting the answers she needed either.
She told me she thinks we need to go our separate ways, and within a week I was all moved out. I couldn't believe it. Here I was planning to spend my life with this woman, and now its nothing. I broke every rule in the book, and look like a needy slop-tart.
She told me that there was nobody else, and at first I believed her. However, I've recently discovered that there most certainly is someone else in her life. I don't know how serious it is, or how long its been going on. She was staying at his house on the nights that I would watch our daughter. Rebound? Maybe... Maybe not. I really don't know what the relationship is like because she doesn't say anything about it to me. She doesn't take much caution hiding it, she just doesn't talk about it.
She never really gave a concrete reason as to why she has decided to part ways. She just said that she wasn't happy and that she wanted to be married. She said, "if you really wanted to marry me, you would have found a way." I've been busting my back-side trying to get through school so that I could make her my life partner. It has put enormous amounts of stress on us both having to alternate schedules in order to make things work. Yet, we made if 6 years...
I applied the no-contact rule yesterday, but mind you, I violated each and every rule of the 5-steps. Hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my 30 years of life, without a doubt. I don't know if its a rebound relationship with her new guy, or what the deal is there. Devastating, to say the least...
Hey Mike,
Sorry you are going through this. I hope things work out for you. I think her new relationship is most probably a rebound and you shouldn't worry about it much.
Hey Mike,
Sorry you are going through this. I hope things work out for you. I think her new relationship is most probably a rebound and you shouldn't worry about it much.
Hey
If you remember my past comments you'll know my ex pretty much never broke up with me but just started ignoring me. It's been over 30 days since contact now, is this a good first message: 'hey I had a big performance last night and I wore the lucky necklace you bought me, it worked! Hope you're doing good.'
Please tell me if it's okay and if not, what I can do to make it better.
Thanks.
I'll recommend one of the "something reminded me of you" text for the first message.
I'll recommend one of the "something reminded me of you" text for the first message.
Hey Kevin. My ex & I have been officially broken up for two weeks as of today. We broke up because I said some things I shouldn't have said. And then on top of that he was still contacting his ex before me (which is the mother of his children) & I can understand that but I think their conversations were more than just about their child. I haven't been contacting him but I have been an emotional wreck. I was wondering would it be a good idea to talk to his aunt(who is like his best friend)? And what are some things I can do to get out of this slump I am feeling. I really do miss him and I think we shared a strong connection in the short amount of time we were together compared to the time him and his ex were together (8 years). He hasn't said anything to me. Should I be worried and contact his aunt? Or should I just keep my distance and wait to see what happens between us?
Don't contact the aunt. Follow the 5 step plan.
Don't contact the aunt. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hey, i just want to let you know you (your daily insights) have helped me through a lot but i think i missed your last 3 emails. The last one i got was 'Using Facebook To Get Him Back (Part2)' on April 20.
Just got your latest emails. Thank you.
Just got your latest emails. Thank you.
Hey kev
I have done the no contact for just over a month and I sent a letter a couple days ago just wondering how long I should wait to talk to her or txt her.
Use the checklist at the beginning of step 4.
Use the checklist at the beginning of step 4.
Hey kevin
only been 1 week with nc how long before u think she start to miss me
Hi Kevin,
My ex contacted me after a few weeks of NC asking if we could talk. We've met up on a couple of occasions and it's gone okay but we've still not really talked and she avoids the subject when anything remotely heavy comes up. I don't want to push anything and I'm trying to keep the meet-ups as light-hearted as possible. But at the same time I don't want to fall into the trap of being there for support, advice, and company if it's just to make her feel better about the break-up.
She's said that she is still very confused, and she is obviously quite depressed. So I am very wary about playing mind games with somebody who is in that kind of mental state. I am currently trying to give her plenty of space, appear supportive and understanding, whilst also being careful not to put any more pressure on her by being needy or desperate.
We've arranged to meet up again soon, and I was just wondering if I am currently doing the right thing by being there for her, or I should pull back a little in order for her to realise that she can't enjoy the benefits of being in a realationship with somebody if we are not together anymore?
Any advice is greatly appreciated ;)
Hey,
If she was the one who broke up with you, then you don't really owe her anything. You don't need to support her through the breakup and you need to put yourself first. If remaining in contact with her is stopping you from concentrating on your life, then you should definitely pull back.
Hey,
If she was the one who broke up with you, then you don't really owe her anything. You don't need to support her through the breakup and you need to put yourself first. If remaining in contact with her is stopping you from concentrating on your life, then you should definitely pull back.
Hey Kevin,
So my no contact period is over. I didn't write the letter and moved straight to the text message contact. However, my nice friendly text was seen but ignored. I feel down but hey ho that's life. Should I send the letter or should I continue no contact for a further date?
Start no contact again for another two weeks and send another text (or a letter, your call). If still no reply, then you should consider moving on.
My heart sank at the thought of moving on, although I feel I already am moving on. Yes my ex is on my mind a lot but I am not pining and watching my phone anymore. I came to the realisation that the time was not right for us and him breaking up with me has gave me the kick up the backside to get life back into gear. It has helped me pursuit things I only ever dreamed about before. Maybe this break up was a good thing. However, I still will always hold a place in my heart for him and who knows in a few months time or years time we may meet again. One of his cryptic messages was "you know our paths will cross again." I don't hold out hope of anything sudden right now and I have been on a date since and planning more dates. So in a way I feel I am moving on from that relationship and if we do get back together in the future that will be a brand spanking new relationship with all the experience of the past one. I am sending his mother a birthday card this week even though people have questioned my motives. In my eyes, I was very close with his mum and in a way I feel like the mature one to wish his mum happy birthday while he can't even talk to my mum. Thanks for all the advice Kevin and sorry I post so much, makes me look like i'm obssessed with my ex. I just am a very spiritualistic and optimistic person and feel that one day we will meet again. I'm 24 I have plenty of life left. I won't waste it waiting but I will always deep down wait for him. Is this a good mentality to have?
I think you have a good perspective on your situation. Even though you feel like you will wait for him, you are not going to let it stop you from living your life. I think that's great and I wish you the best.
I think you have a good perspective on your situation. Even though you feel like you will wait for him, you are not going to let it stop you from living your life. I think that's great and I wish you the best.
I think you have a good perspective on your situation. Even though you feel like you will wait for him, you are not going to let it stop you from living your life. I think that's great and I wish you the best.
I think you have a good perspective on your situation. Even though you feel like you will wait for him, you are not going to let it stop you from living your life. I think that's great and I wish you the best.
My heart sank at the thought of moving on, although I feel I already am moving on. Yes my ex is on my mind a lot but I am not pining and watching my phone anymore. I came to the realisation that the time was not right for us and him breaking up with me has gave me the kick up the backside to get life back into gear. It has helped me pursuit things I only ever dreamed about before. Maybe this break up was a good thing. However, I still will always hold a place in my heart for him and who knows in a few months time or years time we may meet again. One of his cryptic messages was "you know our paths will cross again." I don't hold out hope of anything sudden right now and I have been on a date since and planning more dates. So in a way I feel I am moving on from that relationship and if we do get back together in the future that will be a brand spanking new relationship with all the experience of the past one. I am sending his mother a birthday card this week even though people have questioned my motives. In my eyes, I was very close with his mum and in a way I feel like the mature one to wish his mum happy birthday while he can't even talk to my mum. Thanks for all the advice Kevin and sorry I post so much, makes me look like i'm obssessed with my ex. I just am a very spiritualistic and optimistic person and feel that one day we will meet again. I'm 24 I have plenty of life left. I won't waste it waiting but I will always deep down wait for him. Is this a good mentality to have?
My heart sank at the thought of moving on, although I feel I already am moving on. Yes my ex is on my mind a lot but I am not pining and watching my phone anymore. I came to the realisation that the time was not right for us and him breaking up with me has gave me the kick up the backside to get life back into gear. It has helped me pursuit things I only ever dreamed about before. Maybe this break up was a good thing. However, I still will always hold a place in my heart for him and who knows in a few months time or years time we may meet again. One of his cryptic messages was "you know our paths will cross again." I don't hold out hope of anything sudden right now and I have been on a date since and planning more dates. So in a way I feel I am moving on from that relationship and if we do get back together in the future that will be a brand spanking new relationship with all the experience of the past one. I am sending his mother a birthday card this week even though people have questioned my motives. In my eyes, I was very close with his mum and in a way I feel like the mature one to wish his mum happy birthday while he can't even talk to my mum. Thanks for all the advice Kevin and sorry I post so much, makes me look like i'm obssessed with my ex. I just am a very spiritualistic and optimistic person and feel that one day we will meet again. I'm 24 I have plenty of life left. I won't waste it waiting but I will always deep down wait for him. Is this a good mentality to have?
Start no contact again for another two weeks and send another text (or a letter, your call). If still no reply, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Kevin,
first of all i want to thank for that amazing guide . you know i'm a kind of a optimistic person ,,, and I really felt like more karma power was charging my body ^_^.
but I was wondering about some stuff:
actually I'd made some of these mistakes & I started a NO CONTACT period ,, but unfortunately , I met her and talked with her after a couple of days while my NO CONTACT period & this was in a compulsory way , because we are in the same university and have many mutual friends :/
but everything was friendzoned , even i did two of these mistakes in this period ( after meeting her again ).
We have broken up for a more than month til now ,, and i think she is in a rebound relationship now .
so, Ii think i'll start a NEW NO CONTACT period and follow this great guide
and thank you again
Have a great Life,,,
Kevin. I spoke to you over a month ago , about me and gf that said that she wanted to date other people . She dont me yesterday that she dumped me for her ex bf. My gf and her ex bf dated for three years and lived together. She got used by him big time, free rent. He is a man with three kids and my gf is 32 and no kids. They broke up for financial reasons the first time. We dated for 4 months but I slept at her place every other night. She never got over her ex as we were dating but I never consider myself as a rebound relationship cause she dated him 2 years ago. I know that he want to use her again for papers and she seem desperate to get married and in love with him. She doesnt want me to go to her place anymore and she has threatened to ca the cops. She bagged to stay as friends for a while since we broke up 2 months ago but she want to be left alone. He is a lot worst than me financially. How much of no contact ( I was never able to applied at first place until today and I begged for last two months to get back until I learned the truth last nigh that I got dumped for ex and not for the reasons she told me) what do you suggest me to do in order to get her back? Should I still keep her on facebook? No contact for how long? Please advise.
I think you should apply no contact for at least 2-3 months. In my opinion, she is not worth pursuing as she never really got over her ex. She was never committed to you and you should really consider moving on during these 2-3 months.
Dear Kevin. This is my last question. She never did anything with police even thought she threaten me. She didn't wanted to hurt me. 2 weeks ago she wanted to remain friends, a week ago she wanted to remain friends, when she told me she went back to her ex, i freaked out and went to her house, she threaten to call the police, a friend of mine that is very good looking and rich added her on Facebook, appears that this is what she is looking for. She said she is single . This is what she said. My friend Antonio asked her, What are you looking for, She replied, A stable man that gives me the feeling of mental security and that we have the right connection. A guy that will take responsibility for his wife and family, someone that got my back ( I told her that many times but i didn't make enough money to be consider as someone that has mental security for her. As the conversation goes on with this guy that added her on Facebook she tells my friend ( she doesn't know that he is my friend ) that she broke up with me because she felt that it was not a complete connection, with her ex that she lived for three years and treated here as shit ( guy has an amazing body, he gets a lot of woman, he is like a pimp) Am good looking too but a little overweight. For me she said that i dated an European guy but we were not a complete connection, just didn't feel it.. ( sure, i treated her with respect and dignity ) with the guy that i lived for three yers , it was an instant connection ( well, yes, she was a lot younger than, 5 years ago, with me we took things slow cause both were looking to settle down ) To be honest with you Kevin, even we had a bad break up ( threatening to call the cops, never happen, i was the only guy who was ready to get her a ring, most of the other guys , dumped her and used her. She knows that, She also told me a few times that i like you a lot and it takes her a while to fall in love ) Anyway, What do you think of this? We broke up about 2 months ago but we always have talked to each other , until last week, she knows that i know that she is not dating anyone, and appears that she is single and looking for a man that , gives her mental security and have a complete connection. At 32-33 she is been unrealistic and i doubt it that she will find it. She expect man to pay all the bills and have a complete connection? She will have hard time finding it. I'm so sorry for continuing on this, but this is the true story. She dump me for she told me, wanted to find a better fit for her self and someone more financially stable. Do i have a chance to get her back, with positive changes in my life, Appears that she is never over her ex bf, and me the latest bf , left a positive impact on her but i don't think she want to even be friends any more. She is ignoring me totally. Please advise. Moving on is the best, but in terms of getting her back, is there anything i can do? She still have my teddy bear that i bought on valentine day, she have me on Facebook, her brother removed me from Facebook. So basically , she got sick of me chasing her and made up the story of going back to her ex ( ex hasn't talked to her in months , even years, i know that for a fact ) She is going on dates but not settling as she hasn't found the rich man that gets her back with a awesome body, that is family oriented ( am very much so and she knows that ) Every time i saw her, she called me back and talk to me like hunny, etc but always wanted to have me move on with life. Honestly i don't think she will find anything better than me.Thank You and this is the last question. God bless Kevin.
Hey Julian,
I think the best way to get her back is to give her space and let her try to find someone better. As you said, if she doesn't find someone better, she will come back to you. But think about this, do you want to be with someone who treats you as her backup? I think she even knows that you will be waiting for her if she doesn't find someone else. I strongly recommend that you apply no contact for at least 3-4 months and start going on dates during this time.
Hey Julian,
I think the best way to get her back is to give her space and let her try to find someone better. As you said, if she doesn't find someone better, she will come back to you. But think about this, do you want to be with someone who treats you as her backup? I think she even knows that you will be waiting for her if she doesn't find someone else. I strongly recommend that you apply no contact for at least 3-4 months and start going on dates during this time.
Hey Julian,
I think the best way to get her back is to give her space and let her try to find someone better. As you said, if she doesn't find someone better, she will come back to you. But think about this, do you want to be with someone who treats you as her backup? I think she even knows that you will be waiting for her if she doesn't find someone else. I strongly recommend that you apply no contact for at least 3-4 months and start going on dates during this time.
Hey Julian,
I think the best way to get her back is to give her space and let her try to find someone better. As you said, if she doesn't find someone better, she will come back to you. But think about this, do you want to be with someone who treats you as her backup? I think she even knows that you will be waiting for her if she doesn't find someone else. I strongly recommend that you apply no contact for at least 3-4 months and start going on dates during this time.
Dear Kevin. This is my last question. She never did anything with police even thought she threaten me. She didn't wanted to hurt me. 2 weeks ago she wanted to remain friends, a week ago she wanted to remain friends, when she told me she went back to her ex, i freaked out and went to her house, she threaten to call the police, a friend of mine that is very good looking and rich added her on Facebook, appears that this is what she is looking for. She said she is single . This is what she said. My friend Antonio asked her, What are you looking for, She replied, A stable man that gives me the feeling of mental security and that we have the right connection. A guy that will take responsibility for his wife and family, someone that got my back ( I told her that many times but i didn't make enough money to be consider as someone that has mental security for her. As the conversation goes on with this guy that added her on Facebook she tells my friend ( she doesn't know that he is my friend ) that she broke up with me because she felt that it was not a complete connection, with her ex that she lived for three years and treated here as shit ( guy has an amazing body, he gets a lot of woman, he is like a pimp) Am good looking too but a little overweight. For me she said that i dated an European guy but we were not a complete connection, just didn't feel it.. ( sure, i treated her with respect and dignity ) with the guy that i lived for three yers , it was an instant connection ( well, yes, she was a lot younger than, 5 years ago, with me we took things slow cause both were looking to settle down ) To be honest with you Kevin, even we had a bad break up ( threatening to call the cops, never happen, i was the only guy who was ready to get her a ring, most of the other guys , dumped her and used her. She knows that, She also told me a few times that i like you a lot and it takes her a while to fall in love ) Anyway, What do you think of this? We broke up about 2 months ago but we always have talked to each other , until last week, she knows that i know that she is not dating anyone, and appears that she is single and looking for a man that , gives her mental security and have a complete connection. At 32-33 she is been unrealistic and i doubt it that she will find it. She expect man to pay all the bills and have a complete connection? She will have hard time finding it. I'm so sorry for continuing on this, but this is the true story. She dump me for she told me, wanted to find a better fit for her self and someone more financially stable. Do i have a chance to get her back, with positive changes in my life, Appears that she is never over her ex bf, and me the latest bf , left a positive impact on her but i don't think she want to even be friends any more. She is ignoring me totally. Please advise. Moving on is the best, but in terms of getting her back, is there anything i can do? She still have my teddy bear that i bought on valentine day, she have me on Facebook, her brother removed me from Facebook. So basically , she got sick of me chasing her and made up the story of going back to her ex ( ex hasn't talked to her in months , even years, i know that for a fact ) She is going on dates but not settling as she hasn't found the rich man that gets her back with a awesome body, that is family oriented ( am very much so and she knows that ) Every time i saw her, she called me back and talk to me like hunny, etc but always wanted to have me move on with life. Honestly i don't think she will find anything better than me.Thank You and this is the last question. God bless Kevin.
Dear Kevin. This is my last question. She never did anything with police even thought she threaten me. She didn't wanted to hurt me. 2 weeks ago she wanted to remain friends, a week ago she wanted to remain friends, when she told me she went back to her ex, i freaked out and went to her house, she threaten to call the police, a friend of mine that is very good looking and rich added her on Facebook, appears that this is what she is looking for. She said she is single . This is what she said. My friend Antonio asked her, What are you looking for, She replied, A stable man that gives me the feeling of mental security and that we have the right connection. A guy that will take responsibility for his wife and family, someone that got my back ( I told her that many times but i didn't make enough money to be consider as someone that has mental security for her. As the conversation goes on with this guy that added her on Facebook she tells my friend ( she doesn't know that he is my friend ) that she broke up with me because she felt that it was not a complete connection, with her ex that she lived for three years and treated here as shit ( guy has an amazing body, he gets a lot of woman, he is like a pimp) Am good looking too but a little overweight. For me she said that i dated an European guy but we were not a complete connection, just didn't feel it.. ( sure, i treated her with respect and dignity ) with the guy that i lived for three yers , it was an instant connection ( well, yes, she was a lot younger than, 5 years ago, with me we took things slow cause both were looking to settle down ) To be honest with you Kevin, even we had a bad break up ( threatening to call the cops, never happen, i was the only guy who was ready to get her a ring, most of the other guys , dumped her and used her. She knows that, She also told me a few times that i like you a lot and it takes her a while to fall in love ) Anyway, What do you think of this? We broke up about 2 months ago but we always have talked to each other , until last week, she knows that i know that she is not dating anyone, and appears that she is single and looking for a man that , gives her mental security and have a complete connection. At 32-33 she is been unrealistic and i doubt it that she will find it. She expect man to pay all the bills and have a complete connection? She will have hard time finding it. I'm so sorry for continuing on this, but this is the true story. She dump me for she told me, wanted to find a better fit for her self and someone more financially stable. Do i have a chance to get her back, with positive changes in my life, Appears that she is never over her ex bf, and me the latest bf , left a positive impact on her but i don't think she want to even be friends any more. She is ignoring me totally. Please advise. Moving on is the best, but in terms of getting her back, is there anything i can do? She still have my teddy bear that i bought on valentine day, she have me on Facebook, her brother removed me from Facebook. So basically , she got sick of me chasing her and made up the story of going back to her ex ( ex hasn't talked to her in months , even years, i know that for a fact ) She is going on dates but not settling as she hasn't found the rich man that gets her back with a awesome body, that is family oriented ( am very much so and she knows that ) Every time i saw her, she called me back and talk to me like hunny, etc but always wanted to have me move on with life. Honestly i don't think she will find anything better than me.Thank You and this is the last question. God bless Kevin.
Kevin. Yesterday I spoke to her brother, he said he doesnt know if she is dating her ex but he advised to give her space and if it is meant to be we will be together. I'm not sure that she is seen ex, in theory their relationship would not work as he cant provide her what she wants, but she loves him. I was to much on her face, needy person that I drove her away, yesterday I went to her place and dropped my valentine teddy bear gift that I bought for her. She took it and kept it inside. I left a hand written note too explaining why she should not go back to him, I know what she wants and he cant provide that and for this woman money is important but still at first time she dated her ex she let him stay at her place for three years rent free. Guy had a job and made same as her and sent all his money to his bank account. Yesterday she text me back saying that I t was not necessary for me to tell her f off after I dropped my teddy bear at her door( valentine gift that I took it back from her after we broke up) I did apology but I told her that I told her to f off after she threatened me that she will call cops. Bottom line, she is not over him and not over me yet She loves him and likes me a lot. I told her to please stop talking to me if she is dating her ex( facts are telling me that she is just saying that but also Is a good chance that she is dating him) if she could get over him for two years, am I just wasting time with her? Told her not to talk to me anymore if she is dating him. Please advise. Give me a good explanation on what should I do.
I think you did the right thing. You should apply no contact now and stay away from her. I know it increases the chances of her going for the other guy, but if she does, it's her loss and your gain. You will eventually realize that you are better off without her.
The end of story comes today. I saw her today outside her house, She was very frustrated and told me to leave or call the cops, since i was outside of the house i said go for it, she was going out on a date to meet her ex bf that she dumped 2. 5 years ago. I just realized that i was a rebound. She never got over her ex and now she is getting so frustrated that i would not give up to the point that she threat me and went to police station to report me. What a bitch. I love her, i paid all the bills when we went out, and now she left me for her ex bf that abused her and not just that , but because i would not leave her alone she threat to put a restraining order against me as well as she went to the police station to do a deposition against me. Well, i met her as she sold me some furniture from Ashley Store and its against corporate policy to date customers so i used that to have stop threatening with restraining orders. I will never ever contact her again. What a user she was, she actually acted like she was looking for a great guy with stable job and career ( which was me to have a family with her ) when in matter of fact she dumped me for someone that use her just for sex and to save rent money. Kevin, i feel like that even if i would follow the no concact, with this person i would always be a rebound. Now , she is like, you call me , you going to jail? I never did anything to hurt her. Totally heart broken. Very sad.
Hey Julian,
Sorry it had to come to that. I think at this point, you should just concentrate your efforts in moving. Apply no contact indefinitely. I think she will get back in touch with you after a while when she realizes what she left behind. At that time, no matter how tempting it may seem, you should not answer her call. You should continue no contact until you are completely over her and have moved on in your life.
Kevin, I was miss leaded by her, she never did anything with the police , she threatened me to have me stop contacting her as in a matter of fact i was becoming to much, i would go to her work place at Ashley Furniture to just see her and not talk to her as i was pretending like i was buying staff, she felt threatened because i met her through Ashley furniture and that would compromise her job. I actually learned from her ex bf that she said that she went back to him that in fact she never got back to him and he never took her back ( i had a friend of mine that know him well to confirm this), so she is either dating someone else or is still single. Chances are that she is dating someone else. So she played me again and made me very frustrated to the point that i lost it. This is my last question. Do i keep her in Facebook as 1 week ago she wanted to remain distant friends or just delete her? I will never answer her phone call and i will move completely. Please advise . I m probably one of the only man that would have married her cause i loved her. She is a very preety woman , educated, super smart but she is looking way up there and financially i just dont make enought to make her my wife at the moment. I know, its crazy but i still love her. Please advise. ( We are still friends in facebook , but she never use facebook ) Last question.
IF you want to move on, then you should delete her.
IF you want to move on, then you should delete her.
IF you want to move on, then you should delete her.
IF you want to move on, then you should delete her.
IF you want to move on, then you should delete her.
IF you want to move on, then you should delete her.
Kevin, I was miss leaded by her, she never did anything with the police , she threatened me to have me stop contacting her as in a matter of fact i was becoming to much, i would go to her work place at Ashley Furniture to just see her and not talk to her as i was pretending like i was buying staff, she felt threatened because i met her through Ashley furniture and that would compromise her job. I actually learned from her ex bf that she said that she went back to him that in fact she never got back to him and he never took her back ( i had a friend of mine that know him well to confirm this), so she is either dating someone else or is still single. Chances are that she is dating someone else. So she played me again and made me very frustrated to the point that i lost it. This is my last question. Do i keep her in Facebook as 1 week ago she wanted to remain distant friends or just delete her? I will never answer her phone call and i will move completely. Please advise . I m probably one of the only man that would have married her cause i loved her. She is a very preety woman , educated, super smart but she is looking way up there and financially i just dont make enought to make her my wife at the moment. I know, its crazy but i still love her. Please advise. ( We are still friends in facebook , but she never use facebook ) Last question.
Kevin, I was miss leaded by her, she never did anything with the police , she threatened me to have me stop contacting her as in a matter of fact i was becoming to much, i would go to her work place at Ashley Furniture to just see her and not talk to her as i was pretending like i was buying staff, she felt threatened because i met her through Ashley furniture and that would compromise her job. I actually learned from her ex bf that she said that she went back to him that in fact she never got back to him and he never took her back ( i had a friend of mine that know him well to confirm this), so she is either dating someone else or is still single. Chances are that she is dating someone else. So she played me again and made me very frustrated to the point that i lost it. This is my last question. Do i keep her in Facebook as 1 week ago she wanted to remain distant friends or just delete her? I will never answer her phone call and i will move completely. Please advise . I m probably one of the only man that would have married her cause i loved her. She is a very preety woman , educated, super smart but she is looking way up there and financially i just dont make enought to make her my wife at the moment. I know, its crazy but i still love her. Please advise. ( We are still friends in facebook , but she never use facebook ) Last question.
Kevin, I was miss leaded by her, she never did anything with the police , she threatened me to have me stop contacting her as in a matter of fact i was becoming to much, i would go to her work place at Ashley Furniture to just see her and not talk to her as i was pretending like i was buying staff, she felt threatened because i met her through Ashley furniture and that would compromise her job. I actually learned from her ex bf that she said that she went back to him that in fact she never got back to him and he never took her back ( i had a friend of mine that know him well to confirm this), so she is either dating someone else or is still single. Chances are that she is dating someone else. So she played me again and made me very frustrated to the point that i lost it. This is my last question. Do i keep her in Facebook as 1 week ago she wanted to remain distant friends or just delete her? I will never answer her phone call and i will move completely. Please advise . I m probably one of the only man that would have married her cause i loved her. She is a very preety woman , educated, super smart but she is looking way up there and financially i just dont make enought to make her my wife at the moment. I know, its crazy but i still love her. Please advise. ( We are still friends in facebook , but she never use facebook ) Last question.
Kevin, I was miss leaded by her, she never did anything with the police , she threatened me to have me stop contacting her as in a matter of fact i was becoming to much, i would go to her work place at Ashley Furniture to just see her and not talk to her as i was pretending like i was buying staff, she felt threatened because i met her through Ashley furniture and that would compromise her job. I actually learned from her ex bf that she said that she went back to him that in fact she never got back to him and he never took her back ( i had a friend of mine that know him well to confirm this), so she is either dating someone else or is still single. Chances are that she is dating someone else. So she played me again and made me very frustrated to the point that i lost it. This is my last question. Do i keep her in Facebook as 1 week ago she wanted to remain distant friends or just delete her? I will never answer her phone call and i will move completely. Please advise . I m probably one of the only man that would have married her cause i loved her. She is a very preety woman , educated, super smart but she is looking way up there and financially i just dont make enought to make her my wife at the moment. I know, its crazy but i still love her. Please advise. ( We are still friends in facebook , but she never use facebook ) Last question.
Hey Julian,
Sorry it had to come to that. I think at this point, you should just concentrate your efforts in moving. Apply no contact indefinitely. I think she will get back in touch with you after a while when she realizes what she left behind. At that time, no matter how tempting it may seem, you should not answer her call. You should continue no contact until you are completely over her and have moved on in your life.
Hey Julian,
Sorry it had to come to that. I think at this point, you should just concentrate your efforts in moving. Apply no contact indefinitely. I think she will get back in touch with you after a while when she realizes what she left behind. At that time, no matter how tempting it may seem, you should not answer her call. You should continue no contact until you are completely over her and have moved on in your life.
Hey Julian,
Sorry it had to come to that. I think at this point, you should just concentrate your efforts in moving. Apply no contact indefinitely. I think she will get back in touch with you after a while when she realizes what she left behind. At that time, no matter how tempting it may seem, you should not answer her call. You should continue no contact until you are completely over her and have moved on in your life.
I think you did the right thing. You should apply no contact now and stay away from her. I know it increases the chances of her going for the other guy, but if she does, it's her loss and your gain. You will eventually realize that you are better off without her.
The end of story comes today. I saw her today outside her house, She was very frustrated and told me to leave or call the cops, since i was outside of the house i said go for it, she was going out on a date to meet her ex bf that she dumped 2. 5 years ago. I just realized that i was a rebound. She never got over her ex and now she is getting so frustrated that i would not give up to the point that she threat me and went to police station to report me. What a bitch. I love her, i paid all the bills when we went out, and now she left me for her ex bf that abused her and not just that , but because i would not leave her alone she threat to put a restraining order against me as well as she went to the police station to do a deposition against me. Well, i met her as she sold me some furniture from Ashley Store and its against corporate policy to date customers so i used that to have stop threatening with restraining orders. I will never ever contact her again. What a user she was, she actually acted like she was looking for a great guy with stable job and career ( which was me to have a family with her ) when in matter of fact she dumped me for someone that use her just for sex and to save rent money. Kevin, i feel like that even if i would follow the no concact, with this person i would always be a rebound. Now , she is like, you call me , you going to jail? I never did anything to hurt her. Totally heart broken. Very sad.
I think you did the right thing. You should apply no contact now and stay away from her. I know it increases the chances of her going for the other guy, but if she does, it's her loss and your gain. You will eventually realize that you are better off without her.
The end of story comes today. I saw her today outside her house, She was very frustrated and told me to leave or call the cops, since i was outside of the house i said go for it, she was going out on a date to meet her ex bf that she dumped 2. 5 years ago. I just realized that i was a rebound. She never got over her ex and now she is getting so frustrated that i would not give up to the point that she threat me and went to police station to report me. What a bitch. I love her, i paid all the bills when we went out, and now she left me for her ex bf that abused her and not just that , but because i would not leave her alone she threat to put a restraining order against me as well as she went to the police station to do a deposition against me. Well, i met her as she sold me some furniture from Ashley Store and its against corporate policy to date customers so i used that to have stop threatening with restraining orders. I will never ever contact her again. What a user she was, she actually acted like she was looking for a great guy with stable job and career ( which was me to have a family with her ) when in matter of fact she dumped me for someone that use her just for sex and to save rent money. Kevin, i feel like that even if i would follow the no concact, with this person i would always be a rebound. Now , she is like, you call me , you going to jail? I never did anything to hurt her. Totally heart broken. Very sad.
Julian, I read your post. Kevin will probably give you a much better insight of what you can do but since we are all here for the same reason I would just give my opinion and you decide whether to take it or just pass it by: Please ask your self if you really want to be with a girl that has gone as far as saying that she still loves her ex and wants to be back with him?? Who has threaten to call the cops and told you to avoid visiting her house?? I would really think my next step if I were you man because I do not think you will have mental peace and trust thinking you are with a girlfriend who is in love with somebody else in case she decides to have you back. You will probably have second thoughts in your mind all the time, if she is talking to him or still seeing him. Sometimes you need to move on and continue your life, all things happen for a reason and I am positive there is somebody else far better suited for you than your ex out there. Your situation and mine is different but the outcome is the same, move on in life. Hope it helps!
I think you should apply no contact for at least 2-3 months. In my opinion, she is not worth pursuing as she never really got over her ex. She was never committed to you and you should really consider moving on during these 2-3 months.
Kevin. Yesterday I spoke to her brother, he said he doesnt know if she is dating her ex but he advised to give her space and if it is meant to be we will be together. I'm not sure that she is seen ex, in theory their relationship would not work as he cant provide her what she wants, but she loves him. I was to much on her face, needy person that I drove her away, yesterday I went to her place and dropped my valentine teddy bear gift that I bought for her. She took it and kept it inside. I left a hand written note too explaining why she should not go back to him, I know what she wants and he cant provide that and for this woman money is important but still at first time she dated her ex she let him stay at her place for three years rent free. Guy had a job and made same as her and sent all his money to his bank account. Yesterday she text me back saying that I t was not necessary for me to tell her f off after I dropped my teddy bear at her door( valentine gift that I took it back from her after we broke up) I did apology but I told her that I told her to f off after she threatened me that she will call cops. Bottom line, she is not over him and not over me yet She loves him and likes me a lot. I told her to please stop talking to me if she is dating her ex( facts are telling me that she is just saying that but also Is a good chance that she is dating him) if she could get over him for two years, am I just wasting time with her? Told her not to talk to me anymore if she is dating him. Please advise. Give me a good explanation on what should I do.
Julian, I read your post. Kevin will probably give you a much better insight of what you can do but since we are all here for the same reason I would just give my opinion and you decide whether to take it or just pass it by: Please ask your self if you really want to be with a girl that has gone as far as saying that she still loves her ex and wants to be back with him?? Who has threaten to call the cops and told you to avoid visiting her house?? I would really think my next step if I were you man because I do not think you will have mental peace and trust thinking you are with a girlfriend who is in love with somebody else in case she decides to have you back. You will probably have second thoughts in your mind all the time, if she is talking to him or still seeing him. Sometimes you need to move on and continue your life, all things happen for a reason and I am positive there is somebody else far better suited for you than your ex out there. Your situation and mine is different but the outcome is the same, move on in life. Hope it helps!
Hey Kevin,
I sent a message couple days ago but can`t find it, so if you can answer this question it will be appreciated.
My ex and I go to the same drama class, therefore I`m wondering as I`ve still got a couple weeks left of no contact, if I should skip drama for like a couple of weeks, because if I go we will most likely talk. Our should I go and keep our conversation brief.What should I do?
Thanks a lot.
Go, but keep the conversation brief.
Go, but keep the conversation brief.
Hi kelvin,
Me and my ex gf broke up almost 2 months ago. I did something really touching to try to get her back only to know she was somehow dating this other girl. She told me it was cool for both of us to go after her however she seemed to give the other guy more attention than she gave me. I spoke to her and she said she would give a fair chance to both of us which isn't true. On one day, she posted a picture with that guy on facebook who happened to be a co worker, I got so pissed and I texted her saying I can never be friends with her. She said good. This NC has been going on for about 3 weeks. What can I do now?
Continue no contact for another 3 weeks and then get back in touch with her as a friend.
I see my ex gf at work very often nowadays as she got transferred over. I got a lil affected though I didnt show it at work. I was drunk and texted a mutual friend of ours that I still love my ex gf. This friend went and send it to my ex gf. Now it seem like the whole situation is all over the place again. I'm so confused.
You gotta start no contact again.
You gotta start no contact again.
You gotta start no contact again.
You gotta start no contact again.
I see my ex gf at work very often nowadays as she got transferred over. I got a lil affected though I didnt show it at work. I was drunk and texted a mutual friend of ours that I still love my ex gf. This friend went and send it to my ex gf. Now it seem like the whole situation is all over the place again. I'm so confused.
I see my ex gf at work very often nowadays as she got transferred over. I got a lil affected though I didnt show it at work. I was drunk and texted a mutual friend of ours that I still love my ex gf. This friend went and send it to my ex gf. Now it seem like the whole situation is all over the place again. I'm so confused.
Continue no contact for another 3 weeks and then get back in touch with her as a friend.
Hey Kevin,
So I've read your page and I'm wondering, when you send your ex the memories that you've had together, after a while you're gonna run out of memories, or she may get sick of them if you tell her the memories of the past all the time. So my question really is, how many kinda flashback/memory comments should you say to your ex. Also, what do you do if you ran out, and how long should you talk to your ex after non contact? A few minutes on Facebook? Or do you gradually build up the time you spend together?
I'll recommend not more than 2-3 of those texts. Those texts are more of a starting texts to get the conversation going. From that, you will need to steer the conversation to something more interesting.
I'll recommend not more than 2-3 of those texts. Those texts are more of a starting texts to get the conversation going. From that, you will need to steer the conversation to something more interesting.
Hey Kevin, just thought I'd let you know that I'm following your steps fairly religiously, and am on day 22 of no contact. She only texted me once to "get her mail" and I played it off quite well, I still haven't seen her yet, I just left her mail with a friend of hers because I was so busy at the time when she texted me, but I was completely friendly and so was she. Anyways, I haven't received one of your emails in a few days, the last one I got was about CONSISTENCY, I'm sure you're very busy, but I can't wait to read on. I'm doing a lot better now, and am planning on potentially writing her a letter here in about two weeks, but would love to read more emails from you before doing so, it would greatly help my confidence, and reassure me that I'm making the right moves. Thanks so much for the help until this point, and I look forward to hearing more from you.
-Zach
Hey Zach,
Thanks a lot for your comment and I'm glad the emails are helping.
Hey Zach,
Thanks a lot for your comment and I'm glad the emails are helping.
Dear Kev,
Unfortunately I initiated contact because I saw someone like him in the town. So the next day I asked him whether he was around and when he said no I was gonna finish the convo. But he said he saw a family pic and that I have gone down. We were chatting for few minutes and I was dying to know if he was still in the rebound. I asked hows she and he asked who ? I said Kiara and he said she is good. I almost felt upset but I didnt show. I asked him so did u want to say hello to me on your way to the countryside with her ? He said NO , I went with mom n sister. When I asked him is she keeping you happy ? he said its too personal.
However, I felt uncomfortable and I felt like this is not gonna work so I said lets talk business and I called him because he wanted a plan to pay the money he owes. But the conversation was so fun , he was telling me about creams I should use cz I have got sun burns lately.He asked me why have I lost weight ? I said cz Im doing yoga !
He asked me about my interviews and I asked about his work too. We were talking like before. I thanked him and said I learnt a lot from our relationship and about life cz of him and this incident and Im a happier person now. I told him I do meditation and make me feel great!
When I asked him how he is , he said he is ok ! I said oh you should be more than ok cz ur life is great with a new relationship and work.He said its hard to be happy like I say and he said he regrets about what happened and he wishes he could go back in time and fix things.All of a sudden he started blaming me that I ruined the whole thing by telling my parents and so on. I kept calm and I said lets not talk about past now. U have a gf and u have to be happy about it.I clearly said we hav to clear doubts cz he always blames me . I said u cheated on me and I had to tell my parents . I told him no matter what I was there for you but you jumped in to another relationship and its not my fault. I said I never walked out on you but you did so now we have to live with that and be happy.
He said its difficult and he asked me to find a bf and try it. I said no , im enjoying right now eventhough I have something coming up in May. I asked him whether she is good and loves him . He said yes. ( Sighhhh.. he said she 's pretty isnt she ? I said yeah ) . I sounded totally like I bless their relationship and I told him to be happy. I know he must be having a great time with her.
After the conversation I broke down in tears , i felt so upset . Then I decided I should get closure . I msged him at night saying he can pay the money in installments and sent the details. Then I got to know he got his results . I asked him whether he passed and he said yes. Thats his final exam and I was waiting 5 years to hear that news. :) I said its a shame you never told me . He said we shouldnt chat often. I sent my details and said I need closure . I wished him luck and he wished the same. I dont know why he behaved like that .Pls kev, Do I still stand any chance?
I think you handled it pretty well and yes, in my opinion there is still a chance. But you should also try to accept that there is a chance that he will never come back.
Whether he comes back or not I will never forget you. I have written to you so many times and you have always guided me and provided me with a realistic answer! I'm ever so grateful. Thank you so much Kev! You are definitely a star! :D
Hey Gina,
I am glad I helped. Messages like this give me motivation to keep going.
Dear Kev,
After I got the closure last week I didn't speak with him. But yesterday I saw he has uploaded a cheesy pic on viber with the new girl. I ve known him for almost 5 years and I ve never seen him behaving like this. Since I have blocked him from whatsapp he has uploaded that pic on Viber. Do you think he is doing this intentionally to rub it on my face. He has been on this relationship for only 3 months and looks like things are moving pretty fast!
Please give me some inspiration. Im so hurt !
hugs and love
Gina
He is most probably doing it to rub it in your face. Don't let it bother you. You are doing great.
He is most probably doing it to rub it in your face. Don't let it bother you. You are doing great.
He is most probably doing it to rub it in your face. Don't let it bother you. You are doing great.
He is most probably doing it to rub it in your face. Don't let it bother you. You are doing great.
He is most probably doing it to rub it in your face. Don't let it bother you. You are doing great.
He is most probably doing it to rub it in your face. Don't let it bother you. You are doing great.
Dear Kev,
After I got the closure last week I didn't speak with him. But yesterday I saw he has uploaded a cheesy pic on viber with the new girl. I ve known him for almost 5 years and I ve never seen him behaving like this. Since I have blocked him from whatsapp he has uploaded that pic on Viber. Do you think he is doing this intentionally to rub it on my face. He has been on this relationship for only 3 months and looks like things are moving pretty fast!
Please give me some inspiration. Im so hurt !
hugs and love
Gina
Dear Kev,
After I got the closure last week I didn't speak with him. But yesterday I saw he has uploaded a cheesy pic on viber with the new girl. I ve known him for almost 5 years and I ve never seen him behaving like this. Since I have blocked him from whatsapp he has uploaded that pic on Viber. Do you think he is doing this intentionally to rub it on my face. He has been on this relationship for only 3 months and looks like things are moving pretty fast!
Please give me some inspiration. Im so hurt !
hugs and love
Gina
Dear Kev,
After I got the closure last week I didn't speak with him. But yesterday I saw he has uploaded a cheesy pic on viber with the new girl. I ve known him for almost 5 years and I ve never seen him behaving like this. Since I have blocked him from whatsapp he has uploaded that pic on Viber. Do you think he is doing this intentionally to rub it on my face. He has been on this relationship for only 3 months and looks like things are moving pretty fast!
Please give me some inspiration. Im so hurt !
hugs and love
Gina
Dear Kev,
After I got the closure last week I didn't speak with him. But yesterday I saw he has uploaded a cheesy pic on viber with the new girl. I ve known him for almost 5 years and I ve never seen him behaving like this. Since I have blocked him from whatsapp he has uploaded that pic on Viber. Do you think he is doing this intentionally to rub it on my face. He has been on this relationship for only 3 months and looks like things are moving pretty fast!
Please give me some inspiration. Im so hurt !
hugs and love
Gina
Hey Gina,
I am glad I helped. Messages like this give me motivation to keep going.
Hey Gina,
I am glad I helped. Messages like this give me motivation to keep going.
Hey Gina,
I am glad I helped. Messages like this give me motivation to keep going.
Whether he comes back or not I will never forget you. I have written to you so many times and you have always guided me and provided me with a realistic answer! I'm ever so grateful. Thank you so much Kev! You are definitely a star! :D
Whether he comes back or not I will never forget you. I have written to you so many times and you have always guided me and provided me with a realistic answer! I'm ever so grateful. Thank you so much Kev! You are definitely a star! :D
I think you handled it pretty well and yes, in my opinion there is still a chance. But you should also try to accept that there is a chance that he will never come back.
Hi,
I understand the no contact rule. I've been doing a lot of reading into it and I've been following your advice to a T. What happens if my ex is also doing the same no contact rule and we are waiting for the other person to make contact in 2 or so months but it never comes? That's what I'm worried about. When will I know it's been too long?
You contact her after no contact. It's as simple as that.
You contact her after no contact. It's as simple as that.
Hi Kevin,
I wrote in early this month about my situation, in which you suggested to let my boyfriend initiate contact, or keep 'no contact' for 2 months:
I had to break the ‘no contact’ rule 2 weeks into it with my boyfriend because our mutual friend was unexpectedly admitted to the hospital. We communicated through text messages. He took the opportunity to ask me how I was doing and also shared with me how he was coping. Turns out he is currently extremely stressed with work (having to be work for 12-14 hrs a day sometimes to rush for a project) and is on the verge of submitting his resignation.
During communication with him, I’ve tried not to appear emotional or needy but instead, fun, optimistic and being okay with our time apart. He seems warm and friendly enough. He shares with me things that are going on with him currently, however, he does not include me in the activities he mentions (eg: going to a gathering but not extending the invitation to me). He also admitted that he hasn’t had enough time to think things through about our relationship but is open to the idea of meeting up ‘some time’ (but no dates given).
While I try to be understanding with his current situation and honor his need for space, all of my girlfriends seem to have come to the conclusion that he’s simply stalling time until the point I finally give up (so he will not be left with the guilt of having to tell me our relationship is over).
I understand men often withdraw to their ‘mancave’ when seeking space for themselves. Is it normal for my boyfriend to be doing so by not engaging me in activities we normally do together?
I’m thinking of continuing ‘no contact’ for another month or two, or till he initiates, but I’d also like to hear your opinion (a male’s POV) if there’s a good chance for us to get back together given time and space?
Thanks again.
Hey,
I think he is actually being honest about himself and even though a part of him is still not sure about the relationship, I think he is still not ready to lose you. The reason he said he is open to the idea of meeting up is because he wants you to have hope and doesn't want you to move on.
Hey,
I think he is actually being honest about himself and even though a part of him is still not sure about the relationship, I think he is still not ready to lose you. The reason he said he is open to the idea of meeting up is because he wants you to have hope and doesn't want you to move on.
Hi Kevin, me and my ex just broke up from a reletionship we've been in for a year and a half. She told me that she was having doubts for a pretty long time and that she wasn't sure she loved me anymore.. she says her feelings have changed. I was a wreck and wanted her back so badly. It has been two weeks now and we've talked to eachother during those weeks. The conversations weren't great, most of the time very sad. She said that she thinks if we got back together it'll work for a short time, but after a while we would still break up, she preffered staying friends.
What are my chances here Kevin, I already know the mistakes i made but i can't convince her, her feelings have just changed.. but she thinks if we got back together it'll work for a short time.. I really don't know and i need some advice badly.
You should follow the advise in the article.
You should follow the advise in the article.
Hey Kevin , me and my ex have been broken up for 2 weeks and I'm heartbroken we had been together 2 years. He said he wanted to be friends because he doesn't treat me right. We hung out today and ended up having sex I'm really confused and don't know what to do. Any advice?
Follow the 5 step plan and don't have sex with him until he commits.
Follow the 5 step plan and don't have sex with him until he commits.
hi me and my wife been together for 7 yrs married for 5. she wasnt physically attracted to me i was a big guy and all she ask was that i lose weight. long story short over the years i lost and gained but her feelings started fading.. in december she met a guy and basically jumped shit out of our marriage. in 5 months she has basically fell in love with this smooth talker that is physically fit and has nothing to offer. 30 w/ masters lives with parents and lies all the time. i have finally lost the weight but now she doesnt even notice me because everything revolves around this guy. i want to work it out. she text me and tell me she misses me but i know she tells him the same thing. Im getting divorce and i want to save my marriage. we have kids and besides my weight our marriage was perfect. she loves me but she is in love with him. he doesnt even want to be around my kids. He avoids my kids at all cost and only wants to spend time with her but she cant see that.. she just text me that she loves me and she wish her feelings for this guy would go away and she wish i would have cared about her feelings these past years..
Hey,
I think she will eventually get over the other guy and want to come back. You should just let it be her decision and try to move on yourself during this time. Start going out on dates and learn to live your life without her. I wish you the best.
Hey,
I think she will eventually get over the other guy and want to come back. You should just let it be her decision and try to move on yourself during this time. Start going out on dates and learn to live your life without her. I wish you the best.
To the person who runs this site, if you don't accept my very thought out response, then please keep a copy of this to read. I could even use my thoughts and experiences to create an article like this to post on a site like Yahoo.
What if a rebound leads to a relationship? Then i and they have lost their man forever, because i experienced watching a man go insane and go to his stupid female friend who doesn't know me and she lied to him and turned him into a douche and he brokeup, i cried and just died inside when i found out recently that he is married and has a baby with his rebound. I didn't think he was husband material, because he never brought it up and he lived in a tiny apartment at the time! He accused me of using him when hes the one who seduced me and fooled me into thinking he was nice and possibly marriage material if he ever got out of that tiny non family friendly cruddy apartment.
I found out he was not going to be ready for a long time for a real relationship and i still loved him even though he obviously had a bad poorman's lifestyle and was never going to get married, yet i stayed with him, because i'm a fool for love. Sex is addictive and i find that i become addicted to a man with a nice body and refsue to let go knowing that its very hard to find a decent man who'd go out with a plain nerd like me. I winded up trying to hex and curse them, because i am have a nasty jealous streak, the tv and movies make jealously seem normal and i confess i am a victim of the media's lies.
What if a guy gets scared and mistakes a carboncopy of an angry email to his ex's parent as a threat and gets an RO against the poor bewitched woman he had given a ring to and used to truely love like a husband (starting to cry)? Then its doomed and if the man is perfect like one i know, then i get very ill and just stop caring about myself, because i have developed a few disabilities that put me at risk for early death. If a man seems too good to be true and he changes into a douche, then i just cannot see a reason to live if it seems as if all the semiperfect people are all secretly jerks who will just mess with women and use them until they grow up at age 45.
I neglected myself and my relatives let me almost kill myself slowly, because the economy is making it harder for people to get proper healthcare and legal help. I am very sensitive and nice and other goods things and yet men for some reason fear me and hate me for it or they just go insane as if they hate nice women and want just the women who kill their hair and wear tons of makeup and very inappropriate short skirts?
Why should i have to look like a tramp to just get a man who will leave me when they get bored with the nice perfect woman?
I always make the same mistakes when men breakup with me, because i just am completely attached and cannot live without the person, because my family cannot provide me with a healthy loving supportive environment like a decent bf can, if they are sane and like the men on tv and in movies.
My family has become poor thanks to the economy and i am unable to work, because i lack the skills and cannot go back to school for a better degree. I have a few mild nongenetic disabilities (and are curable) caused by years of being treated badly by many people my entire life, and the men i had serious dates and relationships with, they all hate and /or fear me and some are married and had babies that should have been mine! While the better men all are happy and secretly punish themselves by not giving me a second chance like Jesus would (if was Mary M).
I just am that sensitive and yet men hate it even though they seen many movies about women like that?
I am a nerd who is misunderstood and ignored for being old fashioned and unable to make myself look like model (thanks to allergies to makeup, hairdyes, and bleach; i cannot understand why men prefer women who kill their hair and go bald prematurely over a natural nerdy beauty like me? I mean i just want to be pretty without having to kill my hair like a few relatives did from using harsh chemicals and without irritating my skin with makeup.
I just prefer to be down to earth and i just want to escape from my poor negative home, i just cannot stand to live with people who are so negative and over taxed near to death. I admit i am desperate to move out to the point that it may be one reason why men leave me, because of their mentality about having a love move in with a man. If women move in with men on tv shows and movies and are ok and good with that, then why are they not like that in real life? I admit i am the victim of brainwashing, but that is because i had noone to talk with my whole life except a friend or 2 and the bfs my whole life.
I just don't understand anyone that is so different from me, but has so much in common that i fall for real and when i do, i just would rather die than lose the man of my dreams.
I deserve a second chance and yet i always mess it up.
Instead of just telling women how to get a man back (who has only a small chance of ever coming back), you should refer women to groups and classes and counseling sessions, so they can learn how to talk and think all over again if their parents didn't raise them, and let the schools and tv raise them, raised them to be freaks, like me who has a tendency to mentally turn into a woman that is as scary or scarier than Nina Hyena. I am a crazy ex, because i just wasn't raised right. I just freak out and try to get the man back the wrong way.
Women who cannot stop messing up with exes like i always do, who read a sight like this, they and yet cannot follow the good advice, have serious social problems that is cause d by how they were raised. If parents don't communicate to daughters and havea tv addiction, then how the heck are girls going to learn the social skills they need in order to keep a man around long enough to marry and make babies with ?
Thats the problem with this site's advice, a lot of women need to be trained and in group sessions (or even 1 on 1 tutoring, which i desperately need, because i want to change so i can have what i want in life, real romance and babymaking that lasts a lifetime, sorry i am so old fashioned, that recently i started to compare myself to female mennonites), these sessions will be needed for a while to be able to help women have a perm relationship for once.
Since there is no training and a serious lack of skills to avoid these issues with exes, just only self help books, the books are useless if the women has a lack of self discipline and are not able to successfully train themselves in anything. These types of women were programed to believe that what they see in the movies and on tv is supposed to be normal and when men dumped me and these women, we tend to not understand why men act like douches towards us? We just don;'t know why these men are possessed and gone insane and even paranoid and delusional?
Not everyone has the empathy needed to understand these "crazy" paranoid men who give out ROs like cookies.
I'll end this here just with this saying:
“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
― George Carlin
hello kevin,
I kept a no contact for a week and he ended up calling a week later when he was drunk. And told me how much he loves me and all and then later for 4 days he spoke to me and again stopped receiving my calls and text. So i stopped texting and calling him and its been a week now..And he been posting pics on facebook and instagram with his friends and talking about girls at times. And i really dunno what i should be doing or expecting from him. because from the post he puts up he looks all happy and doesnt even care! what should i do?
hey kevin. things have got a whole lot worse. my friend thought she was helping (i had no idea my friend was doing this) she called chloe and chloe answered and my friend asked if there is anything she can do to help us. chloe said in calm voice she appraciates the call but tell lou its finished done do not contact me. my friend said ok no probs. but then my friend rang back and this time her mum answered and said u cant speak to chloe we are all going to portugal tomo for a week and when back we will be reporting louise. my friend tried to help me without me knowing. no even with nc for another 45 days have i blown any chances and why is chloe getting her mum involved?
Even tho shes angry and doesnt wanna be with me will her being on holiday in portugal make think of our holidays together there?
Hey kevin sorry for all 3 comnents her mum txt me agaon to say she isnt going to report me to police unless i make contact with chloe, i didnt know my friend was trying to help really didnt. now have i lost all chance and why is chloe letting her mum take control? As said while she is in portugal where we went all time will that bring any memories. do i have any chance at all now the mum is infulancing chloe it seems?
Hey Kevin,
How do I view this as on my RR, I only seem to have access to certain things?
Also how do I have a chance after all the mistakes I have made for weeks, how will she ever forgive and forget?
Thank you will do, and as mentioned, how will she see any changes if she has nothing to do with me and doesn't know what I am up too?
If she doesn't contact you in two months, you should send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan or an email as mentioned in the death's door section of RR.
If she doesn't contact you in two months, you should send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan or an email as mentioned in the death's door section of RR.
If she doesn't contact you in two months, you should send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan or an email as mentioned in the death's door section of RR.
If she doesn't contact you in two months, you should send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan or an email as mentioned in the death's door section of RR.
If she doesn't contact you in two months, you should send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan or an email as mentioned in the death's door section of RR.
If she doesn't contact you in two months, you should send her the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan or an email as mentioned in the death's door section of RR.
It's in the book. Read the section about Death's door in Step 2 of relationship rewind.
How will she see changes if she doesn't contact me and blocked me of all forms of communcation, how will she ever know I have changed?
Thank you will do, and as mentioned, how will she see any changes if she has nothing to do with me and doesn't know what I am up too?
It's in the book. Read the section about Death's door in Step 2 of relationship rewind.
How will she see changes if she doesn't contact me and blocked me of all forms of communcation, how will she ever know I have changed?
Thank you will do, and as mentioned, how will she see any changes if she has nothing to do with me and doesn't know what I am up too?
It's in the book. Read the section about Death's door in Step 2 of relationship rewind.
How will she see changes if she doesn't contact me and blocked me of all forms of communcation, how will she ever know I have changed?
Thank you will do, and as mentioned, how will she see any changes if she has nothing to do with me and doesn't know what I am up too?
It's in the book. Read the section about Death's door in Step 2 of relationship rewind.
How will she see changes if she doesn't contact me and blocked me of all forms of communcation, how will she ever know I have changed?
Thank you will do, and as mentioned, how will she see any changes if she has nothing to do with me and doesn't know what I am up too?
It's in the book. Read the section about Death's door in Step 2 of relationship rewind.
How will she see changes if she doesn't contact me and blocked me of all forms of communcation, how will she ever know I have changed?
Hey Lou,
Things got worse. It's OK though. Don't answer her or her mums texts. Just apply no contact. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you extend no contact for at least 2 months. You really need to be committed to no contact this time though. No matter what happens, don't answer any calls or texts from her or her mum.
Do you think there is a chance she will contact me?
The reason I ask this is, I have made all the mistakes already mentioned and worse, like threating to kill myself, harrassing, everything that you should not do! Her mum has warned me to stay away and even her mum is angry at me, Chloe and her mum said to much damage has been done to be friends, is this the case
I can not say if she will contact you or not. But you can still contact her if you can maintain no contact for 2 months. You can also use the strategy in relationship rewind for Death's Door (which also requires significant no contact).
I can not say if she will contact you or not. But you can still contact her if you can maintain no contact for 2 months. You can also use the strategy in relationship rewind for Death's Door (which also requires significant no contact).
I can not say if she will contact you or not. But you can still contact her if you can maintain no contact for 2 months. You can also use the strategy in relationship rewind for Death's Door (which also requires significant no contact).
I can not say if she will contact you or not. But you can still contact her if you can maintain no contact for 2 months. You can also use the strategy in relationship rewind for Death's Door (which also requires significant no contact).
I can not say if she will contact you or not. But you can still contact her if you can maintain no contact for 2 months. You can also use the strategy in relationship rewind for Death's Door (which also requires significant no contact).
I can not say if she will contact you or not. But you can still contact her if you can maintain no contact for 2 months. You can also use the strategy in relationship rewind for Death's Door (which also requires significant no contact).
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me to me so quickly. Of course I'm not going to make any single contact but how will she see these changes in me if she never gets in touch? And her mum now hates me how will her mum not infulance her and tell chloe to stay away??
I don't think her Mum hates you. She might try to influence her, but I think it won't matter that much. Remember, even if she contacts you or her Mum contacts, you should not answer. For two months. That's the only way to show them you are not needy. And even if she doesn't contact you, you should send her the letter mentioned in the plan after two months no contact.
I don't think her Mum hates you. She might try to influence her, but I think it won't matter that much. Remember, even if she contacts you or her Mum contacts, you should not answer. For two months. That's the only way to show them you are not needy. And even if she doesn't contact you, you should send her the letter mentioned in the plan after two months no contact.
I don't think her Mum hates you. She might try to influence her, but I think it won't matter that much. Remember, even if she contacts you or her Mum contacts, you should not answer. For two months. That's the only way to show them you are not needy. And even if she doesn't contact you, you should send her the letter mentioned in the plan after two months no contact.
I don't think her Mum hates you. She might try to influence her, but I think it won't matter that much. Remember, even if she contacts you or her Mum contacts, you should not answer. For two months. That's the only way to show them you are not needy. And even if she doesn't contact you, you should send her the letter mentioned in the plan after two months no contact.
I don't think her Mum hates you. She might try to influence her, but I think it won't matter that much. Remember, even if she contacts you or her Mum contacts, you should not answer. For two months. That's the only way to show them you are not needy. And even if she doesn't contact you, you should send her the letter mentioned in the plan after two months no contact.
I don't think her Mum hates you. She might try to influence her, but I think it won't matter that much. Remember, even if she contacts you or her Mum contacts, you should not answer. For two months. That's the only way to show them you are not needy. And even if she doesn't contact you, you should send her the letter mentioned in the plan after two months no contact.
The reaso why i am askinf if i still have a chance is because she use to say our relationship i was jealous inaurcure abusive and after we broke up i did all things u shouldnt prob worse, for about 6 weeks and now her mums involved phoning me telling me to stay away. i just wamt to know why u feel still have chance and wont she let her mum infulance her?
How do i have a chance still after all that has happened? Just so i understand why have chance?
Because in your ex's opinion, you are still needy and desperate. She thinks you have been doing all these things just to get her back. If you apply no contact, work on yourself and make positive changes in your life during the no contact period, you will become confident and happy. And when she realizes that you are confident and no longer needy, she will probably find her attracted to you again.
Of course, it all depends on whether or not you follow no contact and actually become confident and happy during the no contact period.
Because in your ex's opinion, you are still needy and desperate. She thinks you have been doing all these things just to get her back. If you apply no contact, work on yourself and make positive changes in your life during the no contact period, you will become confident and happy. And when she realizes that you are confident and no longer needy, she will probably find her attracted to you again.
Of course, it all depends on whether or not you follow no contact and actually become confident and happy during the no contact period.
Because in your ex's opinion, you are still needy and desperate. She thinks you have been doing all these things just to get her back. If you apply no contact, work on yourself and make positive changes in your life during the no contact period, you will become confident and happy. And when she realizes that you are confident and no longer needy, she will probably find her attracted to you again.
Of course, it all depends on whether or not you follow no contact and actually become confident and happy during the no contact period.
Because in your ex's opinion, you are still needy and desperate. She thinks you have been doing all these things just to get her back. If you apply no contact, work on yourself and make positive changes in your life during the no contact period, you will become confident and happy. And when she realizes that you are confident and no longer needy, she will probably find her attracted to you again.
Of course, it all depends on whether or not you follow no contact and actually become confident and happy during the no contact period.
Because in your ex's opinion, you are still needy and desperate. She thinks you have been doing all these things just to get her back. If you apply no contact, work on yourself and make positive changes in your life during the no contact period, you will become confident and happy. And when she realizes that you are confident and no longer needy, she will probably find her attracted to you again.
Of course, it all depends on whether or not you follow no contact and actually become confident and happy during the no contact period.
Because in your ex's opinion, you are still needy and desperate. She thinks you have been doing all these things just to get her back. If you apply no contact, work on yourself and make positive changes in your life during the no contact period, you will become confident and happy. And when she realizes that you are confident and no longer needy, she will probably find her attracted to you again.
Of course, it all depends on whether or not you follow no contact and actually become confident and happy during the no contact period.
Thanks kevin.
So u still think I have a chance? Defo not doing any contact.
so why do u feel her mum is involved and do u think her holi remind her about ours and do u think she will want me ?
If you follow the plan, you still have a chance. Moms like to get involved in their children's relationships. It's normal. Don't think too much about it. I can't say if the holiday will remind her of you or if she will want you back. You shouldn't think about what she is thinking. You should concentrate on yourself. Read the third step again.
If you follow the plan, you still have a chance. Moms like to get involved in their children's relationships. It's normal. Don't think too much about it. I can't say if the holiday will remind her of you or if she will want you back. You shouldn't think about what she is thinking. You should concentrate on yourself. Read the third step again.
If you follow the plan, you still have a chance. Moms like to get involved in their children's relationships. It's normal. Don't think too much about it. I can't say if the holiday will remind her of you or if she will want you back. You shouldn't think about what she is thinking. You should concentrate on yourself. Read the third step again.
If you follow the plan, you still have a chance. Moms like to get involved in their children's relationships. It's normal. Don't think too much about it. I can't say if the holiday will remind her of you or if she will want you back. You shouldn't think about what she is thinking. You should concentrate on yourself. Read the third step again.
If you follow the plan, you still have a chance. Moms like to get involved in their children's relationships. It's normal. Don't think too much about it. I can't say if the holiday will remind her of you or if she will want you back. You shouldn't think about what she is thinking. You should concentrate on yourself. Read the third step again.
If you follow the plan, you still have a chance. Moms like to get involved in their children's relationships. It's normal. Don't think too much about it. I can't say if the holiday will remind her of you or if she will want you back. You shouldn't think about what she is thinking. You should concentrate on yourself. Read the third step again.
Do you think there is a chance she will contact me?
The reason I ask this is, I have made all the mistakes already mentioned and worse, like threating to kill myself, harrassing, everything that you should not do! Her mum has warned me to stay away and even her mum is angry at me, Chloe and her mum said to much damage has been done to be friends, is this the case
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me to me so quickly. Of course I'm not going to make any single contact but how will she see these changes in me if she never gets in touch? And her mum now hates me how will her mum not infulance her and tell chloe to stay away??
The reaso why i am askinf if i still have a chance is because she use to say our relationship i was jealous inaurcure abusive and after we broke up i did all things u shouldnt prob worse, for about 6 weeks and now her mums involved phoning me telling me to stay away. i just wamt to know why u feel still have chance and wont she let her mum infulance her?
How do i have a chance still after all that has happened? Just so i understand why have chance?
Thanks kevin.
So u still think I have a chance? Defo not doing any contact.
so why do u feel her mum is involved and do u think her holi remind her about ours and do u think she will want me ?
Do you think there is a chance she will contact me?
The reason I ask this is, I have made all the mistakes already mentioned and worse, like threating to kill myself, harrassing, everything that you should not do! Her mum has warned me to stay away and even her mum is angry at me, Chloe and her mum said to much damage has been done to be friends, is this the case
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me to me so quickly. Of course I'm not going to make any single contact but how will she see these changes in me if she never gets in touch? And her mum now hates me how will her mum not infulance her and tell chloe to stay away??
The reaso why i am askinf if i still have a chance is because she use to say our relationship i was jealous inaurcure abusive and after we broke up i did all things u shouldnt prob worse, for about 6 weeks and now her mums involved phoning me telling me to stay away. i just wamt to know why u feel still have chance and wont she let her mum infulance her?
How do i have a chance still after all that has happened? Just so i understand why have chance?
Thanks kevin.
So u still think I have a chance? Defo not doing any contact.
so why do u feel her mum is involved and do u think her holi remind her about ours and do u think she will want me ?
Do you think there is a chance she will contact me?
The reason I ask this is, I have made all the mistakes already mentioned and worse, like threating to kill myself, harrassing, everything that you should not do! Her mum has warned me to stay away and even her mum is angry at me, Chloe and her mum said to much damage has been done to be friends, is this the case
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me to me so quickly. Of course I'm not going to make any single contact but how will she see these changes in me if she never gets in touch? And her mum now hates me how will her mum not infulance her and tell chloe to stay away??
The reaso why i am askinf if i still have a chance is because she use to say our relationship i was jealous inaurcure abusive and after we broke up i did all things u shouldnt prob worse, for about 6 weeks and now her mums involved phoning me telling me to stay away. i just wamt to know why u feel still have chance and wont she let her mum infulance her?
How do i have a chance still after all that has happened? Just so i understand why have chance?
Thanks kevin.
So u still think I have a chance? Defo not doing any contact.
so why do u feel her mum is involved and do u think her holi remind her about ours and do u think she will want me ?
Do you think there is a chance she will contact me?
The reason I ask this is, I have made all the mistakes already mentioned and worse, like threating to kill myself, harrassing, everything that you should not do! Her mum has warned me to stay away and even her mum is angry at me, Chloe and her mum said to much damage has been done to be friends, is this the case
Thanks Kevin for getting back to me to me so quickly. Of course I'm not going to make any single contact but how will she see these changes in me if she never gets in touch? And her mum now hates me how will her mum not infulance her and tell chloe to stay away??
The reaso why i am askinf if i still have a chance is because she use to say our relationship i was jealous inaurcure abusive and after we broke up i did all things u shouldnt prob worse, for about 6 weeks and now her mums involved phoning me telling me to stay away. i just wamt to know why u feel still have chance and wont she let her mum infulance her?
How do i have a chance still after all that has happened? Just so i understand why have chance?
Thanks kevin.
So u still think I have a chance? Defo not doing any contact.
so why do u feel her mum is involved and do u think her holi remind her about ours and do u think she will want me ?
Hey Kevin,
How do I view this as on my RR, I only seem to have access to certain things?
Also how do I have a chance after all the mistakes I have made for weeks, how will she ever forgive and forget?
Hey Lou,
Things got worse. It's OK though. Don't answer her or her mums texts. Just apply no contact. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you extend no contact for at least 2 months. You really need to be committed to no contact this time though. No matter what happens, don't answer any calls or texts from her or her mum.
Hey Kevin,
How do I view this as on my RR, I only seem to have access to certain things?
Also how do I have a chance after all the mistakes I have made for weeks, how will she ever forgive and forget?
Hey Lou,
Things got worse. It's OK though. Don't answer her or her mums texts. Just apply no contact. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you extend no contact for at least 2 months. You really need to be committed to no contact this time though. No matter what happens, don't answer any calls or texts from her or her mum.
Hey Kevin,
How do I view this as on my RR, I only seem to have access to certain things?
Also how do I have a chance after all the mistakes I have made for weeks, how will she ever forgive and forget?
Hey Lou,
Things got worse. It's OK though. Don't answer her or her mums texts. Just apply no contact. Because of this incident, I'll recommend you extend no contact for at least 2 months. You really need to be committed to no contact this time though. No matter what happens, don't answer any calls or texts from her or her mum.
Hey kevin sorry for all 3 comnents her mum txt me agaon to say she isnt going to report me to police unless i make contact with chloe, i didnt know my friend was trying to help really didnt. now have i lost all chance and why is chloe letting her mum take control? As said while she is in portugal where we went all time will that bring any memories. do i have any chance at all now the mum is infulancing chloe it seems?
Hey kevin sorry for all 3 comnents her mum txt me agaon to say she isnt going to report me to police unless i make contact with chloe, i didnt know my friend was trying to help really didnt. now have i lost all chance and why is chloe letting her mum take control? As said while she is in portugal where we went all time will that bring any memories. do i have any chance at all now the mum is infulancing chloe it seems?
Even tho shes angry and doesnt wanna be with me will her being on holiday in portugal make think of our holidays together there?
Hey Kevin,
It's been a month, and I've followed your guide and e-mails... I contacted her after a month of no contact, more or less... I know she has a crash on someone else, and it's some one that is already "taken"... Anyways, when i contacted her she started with little short replies, quite cold... It could be due the fact that I was cold during no contact, when she texted me a few times. But I don't know. She doesn't seems interested in the conversation and it looks like going on one direction only. What shall I do now? (I posted a message a few weeks ago about it, not sure if you can check it back or less...) thanks in advance, mate!
Give her a little more time. Apply no contact for another two weeks.
Give her a little more time. Apply no contact for another two weeks.
Hi Kevin, we have spoken previously about my situation. As things are now I am at a bad place emotionally and missing her like mad. We split up around a 100 days ago and three weeks ago she told me by text that she had met someone!! I did not reply as it was devastating news to me. I have written but not sent yet a letter telling her that I wish her well for the future and that she meant the world to me, but have also mentioned a few shared fond memories that I hope she will think about. I just can't believe that she can shut me out of her life that easily, she is the only thing I think about. When we were together she was the needy one and was always texting or phoning. Do you think that she has the odd moment when she thinks of me? I miss her so much. Any help would be appreciated.
Yes, she does think about you and definitely miss you still. It's possible that her new relationship is even a rebound.
Thanks for getting back to me Kevin I appreciate it. I have just sent the letter off, although I know that it won't get her back, I do hope that it will remind her of what we had. Surely our history must count for something ? I have been there for her at some scary times in her life. What will be will be eh.
Hi Kevin I did not get a reply to my letter from my ex and don't know what to do next? We live a few hundred miles apart so not seeing me around would probably make things easy for her. I want to go and see her but fear that it may be a waste of time now she has met someone else, what do I do? In the past I have always got her back as she always said to me that no matter how she tries she can never stop loving me. I cannot function without her and often break down, its so hard being without her.
Thanks for that Kevin, before you replied I had sent her a text today, saying that a funny thing that happened today had reminded me of her. As yet no reply. As I have said before she can be a needy person and I could cope with that this new guy may not be able to? It also explains why all other relationships have ended after a few months and I have been there for five years. She had told one of her friends who told me, that she loved me and wanted me to be the one? How do you work them out eh???_
Hey Terry,
Don't go to see her. It might blow up on your face. Wait two weeks and send her the text.
Thanks for that Kevin, before you replied I had sent her a text today, saying that a funny thing that happened today had reminded me of her. As yet no reply. As I have said before she can be a needy person and I could cope with that this new guy may not be able to? It also explains why all other relationships have ended after a few months and I have been there for five years. She had told one of her friends who told me, that she loved me and wanted me to be the one? How do you work them out eh???_
Hey Terry,
Don't go to see her. It might blow up on your face. Wait two weeks and send her the text.
Thanks for that Kevin, before you replied I had sent her a text today, saying that a funny thing that happened today had reminded me of her. As yet no reply. As I have said before she can be a needy person and I could cope with that this new guy may not be able to? It also explains why all other relationships have ended after a few months and I have been there for five years. She had told one of her friends who told me, that she loved me and wanted me to be the one? How do you work them out eh???_
Hey Terry,
Don't go to see her. It might blow up on your face. Wait two weeks and send her the text.
Thanks for that Kevin, before you replied I had sent her a text today, saying that a funny thing that happened today had reminded me of her. As yet no reply. As I have said before she can be a needy person and I could cope with that this new guy may not be able to? It also explains why all other relationships have ended after a few months and I have been there for five years. She had told one of her friends who told me, that she loved me and wanted me to be the one? How do you work them out eh???_
Hey Terry,
Don't go to see her. It might blow up on your face. Wait two weeks and send her the text.
Thanks for that Kevin, before you replied I had sent her a text today, saying that a funny thing that happened today had reminded me of her. As yet no reply. As I have said before she can be a needy person and I could cope with that this new guy may not be able to? It also explains why all other relationships have ended after a few months and I have been there for five years. She had told one of her friends who told me, that she loved me and wanted me to be the one? How do you work them out eh???_
Hey Terry,
Don't go to see her. It might blow up on your face. Wait two weeks and send her the text.
Hi Kevin I did not get a reply to my letter from my ex and don't know what to do next? We live a few hundred miles apart so not seeing me around would probably make things easy for her. I want to go and see her but fear that it may be a waste of time now she has met someone else, what do I do? In the past I have always got her back as she always said to me that no matter how she tries she can never stop loving me. I cannot function without her and often break down, its so hard being without her.
Hi Kevin I did not get a reply to my letter from my ex and don't know what to do next? We live a few hundred miles apart so not seeing me around would probably make things easy for her. I want to go and see her but fear that it may be a waste of time now she has met someone else, what do I do? In the past I have always got her back as she always said to me that no matter how she tries she can never stop loving me. I cannot function without her and often break down, its so hard being without her.
Hi Kevin I did not get a reply to my letter from my ex and don't know what to do next? We live a few hundred miles apart so not seeing me around would probably make things easy for her. I want to go and see her but fear that it may be a waste of time now she has met someone else, what do I do? In the past I have always got her back as she always said to me that no matter how she tries she can never stop loving me. I cannot function without her and often break down, its so hard being without her.
Thanks for getting back to me Kevin I appreciate it. I have just sent the letter off, although I know that it won't get her back, I do hope that it will remind her of what we had. Surely our history must count for something ? I have been there for her at some scary times in her life. What will be will be eh.
Thanks for getting back to me Kevin I appreciate it. I have just sent the letter off, although I know that it won't get her back, I do hope that it will remind her of what we had. Surely our history must count for something ? I have been there for her at some scary times in her life. What will be will be eh.
Yes, she does think about you and definitely miss you still. It's possible that her new relationship is even a rebound.
I"m sorry Kevin I don't know if my comment went through. I am 22 and my ex is 19. We dated for a year. She left about 6 months ago and I met up with her twice since then. She thinks I am a crazy jealous person and doesn't not think we can be back together. I messed up recently I started a argument with a friend cause I thought he left a comment on one of her pictures on instagram. but it wasnt him. My friend told my ex about it. So i texted her. She said I have not changed. that i still start things and she brings back the names i called her and I feel bad. Because I let things get to me back then. and I am really sorry for that. I want to be friends and she is okay with that and we might hang out soon.(all of this is messaging on facebook) But she tells me about the dates she has been going on. and comments that people say about her at work! i how she needs to find a foreign dude. she is trying to make me jealous? and I think she is mad that i have been going out to bars and clubs. she calls me a scumbag but playing around. like after everything its crazy that she wants to be friends. I think she wants to see me but maybe see if I really changed? I don't know what to do. I love her so much and I want to prove I am a better person. I wanna fix things that we were broken in our relationship.
Hey,
You need to follow the 5 step plan.
ok! i been on a couple dates since then. and I stopped talking to her for about a month within those months! should I start it all over again? no contact?
ok! i been on a couple dates since then. and I stopped talking to her for about a month within those months! should I start it all over again? no contact?
ok! i been on a couple dates since then. and I stopped talking to her for about a month within those months! should I start it all over again? no contact?
Hey,
You need to follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I understand the no contact step, but unfortunately I have to work with my ex and see him on a regular basis. I am concerned that I will not be able to build much anticipation or invoke much curiosity from him if he is forced to see me everyday at work. Is the a loophole somewhere in the no contact time frame for co-workers?
Just treat him like you would treat any other co worker. Avoid conversations and if you have to talk to him, keep it short and sweet.
Just treat him like you would treat any other co worker. Avoid conversations and if you have to talk to him, keep it short and sweet.
Hey Kevin,
Firstly thank you for this article.
As I m writing to you, its my first day of breakup with my girlfriend. I would like to tell whether I should follow this guide or not. In my case, I had abused and questioned my gf's character while i was in extreme anger. That's the reason she left me. I really regret saying those sentences, which i didnt even mean. It just came out of anger.
Please tell me how to proceed further. I have talked with her on phone and apologised, sent her email, sms, images, etc in order to apologise.
Please please please help me. :)
Thanking you,
NT
You should follow the guide. You still have a chance.
You should follow the guide. You still have a chance.
I have been seeing someone for about a year and a half, suddenly he tells me not to message him anymore, because I 'think to much'. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks, but we texted everyday, and talked about once a week. He would come to my house on Saturday evenings and spend the night with me. We got along great. We had so much in common, and wanted the same thing out of life. We had texted on a Wednseday and Thursday about seeing each other over the weekend, he wasn't able to make it that Saturday because of his job. I sent him a message the next morning (sunday) saying I felt like I was being avoided, And asked if I had done something wrong.. He replied a short time later with, "you think too much, ive been down that road before, and im not going back to that". I didn't know 'thinking' was such a bad thing. And if I don't speak my mind, should I have just hid from him? Since then he has sent me 2 emails. One was about 3 weeks after he said not to message him, telling me to have a good time on my trip with my kids. While I was on my trip, missing him, I sent him a message saying 'I wish you hadn't made this decision' [to end things]. Then a few days ago he sent me an email saying 'Decisions are made for reasons, reasons come from actions, and actions are whats killing you". I want him back in my life.
That last message he sent you was a bit rude in my opinion. And that's a good sign. You should apply no contact rule and follow the plan.
That last message he sent you was a bit rude in my opinion. And that's a good sign. You should apply no contact rule and follow the plan.
I posted a while back but I think it got deleted so I'm going to try again.
I'm 25 and she is 23, I was dating her for almost 7 months. She broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. I accepted the breakup and didn't really have any issues with it due to me losing interest due to my promotion at my job and focus on it. She took it much harder and texted and cried to me for about two days and I did respond to her. We went out to eat about a week after the breakup and 3 weeks after. Both times we kissed (first time by her and second time by me.) I regret kissing her because I knew it would cause emotions for both of us and I should of just followed this site sooner and went into NC.
I'd text her every few days or so or she would text me random events going on. She loved my family and unfortunately my mom would cause a scene and she would blow up at me which caused me to blow up at her saying my mom is this and that she hates you. She was sorry for hurting me and didn't want any of this to happen.
She broke up saying she was confused and recently has been saying that she wants to spend more time with her friends and enjoy life. I've been doing the same while working on my promotion which is a 15 week program that I have 7 weeks left of doing. I went NC with her after sending her an emotional letter stating what I did wrong in the relationship and saying I'm sorry. I also said I want her back which probably put her walls up which ended up with her saying she still thinks about me and doesn't think it's the right time to get back together.
I haven't talk or texted her in a week and I was wondering how much longer I should do this and if I have a chance in getting back with her. I am much happier now and have been going out, going the gym, etc. I just want to know what I should do if i want to still pursue her. I'm fairly confident that I wouldn't break out in emotion like I did before.
Thanks Kevin for this site, it has helped me a lot!
Hey,
I think you do have a good chance of getting her back. Just follow the advice in the article about getting back in touch with her.
Thanks for responding, I'll start texting her every few days or so while following your guidelines. I'll ask her out to eat or to get drinks when it seems appropriate. Thanks again Kevin.
Hey Kevin, just a quick update and question.
I've found happiness and discovered how to do that on my own without needing her in my life. I have 5 weeks left till my apprenticeship program ends and I get my raise and I can move forward in my life.
I've talked to her a few times. She still has that mood where she wants to enjoy her life more and spend time with her friends and go out and party. I haven't told her my feelings for her since that letter. I text her every few days or so but I'm wondering if it's better if I wait five weeks and finish my training first and use that as a source of accomplishment before I even decide to push forward with the plan and ask her out again.
She pushed me into this promotion and I think at some point it made her really respect that I had goals because without her I wouldn't of ever considered it. When I finish, it'll be over 3 months since we broke up and while she may move on, I highly doubt she'll forget me.
So my question is, should I just wait five weeks and just have limited to no contact with her unless she messages me? I still do want her back and care about her but I do understand that she also has priorities in her life now and a relationship with anyone is probably not an option for her.
Well, I asked her out for drinks and we'll be going out in a few days. I'll see it goes and see if I should wait longer, keep going, or move on. I talk to her occasionally so I think the Facebook likes are fine.
Hey Chris,
If you think your chances will be more after five more weeks than they are right now, then you should do it.
Also, is liking stuff on her facebook something I shouldn't do? Should I leave her facebook alone?
If you are in touch, then you can like her stuff on facebook. If you are doing no contact, then you shouldn't.
If you are in touch, then you can like her stuff on facebook. If you are doing no contact, then you shouldn't.
If you are in touch, then you can like her stuff on facebook. If you are doing no contact, then you shouldn't.
If you are in touch, then you can like her stuff on facebook. If you are doing no contact, then you shouldn't.
If you are in touch, then you can like her stuff on facebook. If you are doing no contact, then you shouldn't.
If you are in touch, then you can like her stuff on facebook. If you are doing no contact, then you shouldn't.
Well, I asked her out for drinks and we'll be going out in a few days. I'll see it goes and see if I should wait longer, keep going, or move on. I talk to her occasionally so I think the Facebook likes are fine.
Hey Chris,
If you think your chances will be more after five more weeks than they are right now, then you should do it.
Also, is liking stuff on her facebook something I shouldn't do? Should I leave her facebook alone?
Well, I asked her out for drinks and we'll be going out in a few days. I'll see it goes and see if I should wait longer, keep going, or move on. I talk to her occasionally so I think the Facebook likes are fine.
Hey Chris,
If you think your chances will be more after five more weeks than they are right now, then you should do it.
Also, is liking stuff on her facebook something I shouldn't do? Should I leave her facebook alone?
Well, I asked her out for drinks and we'll be going out in a few days. I'll see it goes and see if I should wait longer, keep going, or move on. I talk to her occasionally so I think the Facebook likes are fine.
Hey Chris,
If you think your chances will be more after five more weeks than they are right now, then you should do it.
Also, is liking stuff on her facebook something I shouldn't do? Should I leave her facebook alone?
Well, I asked her out for drinks and we'll be going out in a few days. I'll see it goes and see if I should wait longer, keep going, or move on. I talk to her occasionally so I think the Facebook likes are fine.
Hey Chris,
If you think your chances will be more after five more weeks than they are right now, then you should do it.
Also, is liking stuff on her facebook something I shouldn't do? Should I leave her facebook alone?
Hey Kevin, just a quick update and question.
I've found happiness and discovered how to do that on my own without needing her in my life. I have 5 weeks left till my apprenticeship program ends and I get my raise and I can move forward in my life.
I've talked to her a few times. She still has that mood where she wants to enjoy her life more and spend time with her friends and go out and party. I haven't told her my feelings for her since that letter. I text her every few days or so but I'm wondering if it's better if I wait five weeks and finish my training first and use that as a source of accomplishment before I even decide to push forward with the plan and ask her out again.
She pushed me into this promotion and I think at some point it made her really respect that I had goals because without her I wouldn't of ever considered it. When I finish, it'll be over 3 months since we broke up and while she may move on, I highly doubt she'll forget me.
So my question is, should I just wait five weeks and just have limited to no contact with her unless she messages me? I still do want her back and care about her but I do understand that she also has priorities in her life now and a relationship with anyone is probably not an option for her.
Hey Kevin, just a quick update and question.
I've found happiness and discovered how to do that on my own without needing her in my life. I have 5 weeks left till my apprenticeship program ends and I get my raise and I can move forward in my life.
I've talked to her a few times. She still has that mood where she wants to enjoy her life more and spend time with her friends and go out and party. I haven't told her my feelings for her since that letter. I text her every few days or so but I'm wondering if it's better if I wait five weeks and finish my training first and use that as a source of accomplishment before I even decide to push forward with the plan and ask her out again.
She pushed me into this promotion and I think at some point it made her really respect that I had goals because without her I wouldn't of ever considered it. When I finish, it'll be over 3 months since we broke up and while she may move on, I highly doubt she'll forget me.
So my question is, should I just wait five weeks and just have limited to no contact with her unless she messages me? I still do want her back and care about her but I do understand that she also has priorities in her life now and a relationship with anyone is probably not an option for her.
Hey Kevin, just a quick update and question.
I've found happiness and discovered how to do that on my own without needing her in my life. I have 5 weeks left till my apprenticeship program ends and I get my raise and I can move forward in my life.
I've talked to her a few times. She still has that mood where she wants to enjoy her life more and spend time with her friends and go out and party. I haven't told her my feelings for her since that letter. I text her every few days or so but I'm wondering if it's better if I wait five weeks and finish my training first and use that as a source of accomplishment before I even decide to push forward with the plan and ask her out again.
She pushed me into this promotion and I think at some point it made her really respect that I had goals because without her I wouldn't of ever considered it. When I finish, it'll be over 3 months since we broke up and while she may move on, I highly doubt she'll forget me.
So my question is, should I just wait five weeks and just have limited to no contact with her unless she messages me? I still do want her back and care about her but I do understand that she also has priorities in her life now and a relationship with anyone is probably not an option for her.
Thanks for responding, I'll start texting her every few days or so while following your guidelines. I'll ask her out to eat or to get drinks when it seems appropriate. Thanks again Kevin.
Thanks for responding, I'll start texting her every few days or so while following your guidelines. I'll ask her out to eat or to get drinks when it seems appropriate. Thanks again Kevin.
Hey,
I think you do have a good chance of getting her back. Just follow the advice in the article about getting back in touch with her.
My ex and i broke up over another girl texting him about how much she loved him i still don't know what he had said back. But when he broke up with me he said it was because we were better friends. i later found out it was because he still liked another girl. now were good friends, but then one day he tells me he loves me still and i told him i didn't want to like him and then be hurt again. how do i know he isn't just using me? like i feel he did before?
im so confused right now all my friends say to forget about him, because i deserve better but they don't know how much he means to me. What should i do?
You should follow the 5 step plan.
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I've signed up for your e-mails but have yet to receive the confirmation mail.
Can you add me, please? I really need your help.
Thanks,
Daniel
Hey Dan,
Your email is already added. Please check your spam box for the confirmation email.
Hey Dan,
Your email is already added. Please check your spam box for the confirmation email.
Hi Kevin,
we broke up 5 weeks ago. and i have been in NC for 3weeks. he hasnt contacted me even once during my NC period. i start thinking that he is over me..
i have a week to go to end my nc period. but i havent made any significant changes in my life. im still miserable, needy, and angry.
honestly i dont know what else to do to make that change. i went to spa, had exercise, go to an event, meeting few friends, but i dont feel really good. what should i do to make this NC period more useful and valuable time?
i am willing to continue the nc period for 2-4 weeks more. but the situation is, i will move to other city within the next couple weeks. if i continue the nc, i will start to contact him when i already moved out, which will make the situation more compliated because we cant meet that easy.
should i continue the nc? or do you have any suggestion what else i can do to make the period of my NC end on time so i can contact him before i leave?
anyway, thanks a bunch for your email series. i really love them.
Hey,
I think you should contact him one week before you leave the city. If things don't go well, you can start no contact all over again in the new city. If you have to start no contact again, I think you should give yourself some time to grieve for a while. You need to process all your emotions. If nothing else works, you should seek therapy.
Hey,
I think you should contact him one week before you leave the city. If things don't go well, you can start no contact all over again in the new city. If you have to start no contact again, I think you should give yourself some time to grieve for a while. You need to process all your emotions. If nothing else works, you should seek therapy.
So kevin here is the slim down version . ITs been a year separated . During are break up we had a all out war. we lived together for 6 years . I still loved her , she wanted to move on , said i didnt treat her right , i needed to get my act together , and I just didnt care enough to get married . I did care . i just wanted to work on myself . So anyway we break up , she changes her number , but yet we talk thru email alot during are break apart , we start meeting up , we were both seeing other people and I was tryin my hardest to get back with her . But it wasnt working . I was being to pushy . So in november she meets someone , and well they start dating . THey been dating ever since . During are break up after she met this person she wont talk to me , she ignores me and mind you i run into her in the street ??? now what ? I still want to try ? I havent contacted her in about 60 days ? I dont no what to do ... I still love her
You should contact her. If she doesn't respond or is cold towards you, then you should consider moving on.
You should contact her. If she doesn't respond or is cold towards you, then you should consider moving on.
Hi Kevin,
I did not get your reply yet for the comment i updated on 23rd Apr, hope i can have your reply.
Hey Jacelyn,
Sorry for the late reply. I've been busy for the past 4-5 days. I have replied to your comments now.
Hey Jacelyn,
Sorry for the late reply. I've been busy for the past 4-5 days. I have replied to your comments now.
Hey Kevin,
Really great read, I am a bit upset at the moment and very confused as i have just found out my ex (still married) husband has now moved on about 2 months with another woman who is my complete opposite from the sounds of it.
We have two children together, so I haven't had much of a chance to implement no contact.
We were together for 13 years and married for 6 now separated roughly 2.5 yrs ago.
I tried to move on, but couldn't, I was with this other guy and still missing my ex :(
My kids have just come back from staying at his house, which I have found he had introduced our kids to her and had her stay at his house while my children were there.
Something I couldn't do because I didn't want to mess my kids up (we have just had a major house move about 4 hrs away from where my ex and I lived) so couldn't bring another new major change to them, obviously he could though.
I am furious and upset that he has had this other woman around my kids. Funnily enough I had being thinking about him and us getting back together before I found this out. I was actually missing him like crazy. I have just started my own business, and normally I would have shared this with him so that has made me miss him a bit more too.
I made the mistake of getting upset and voicing to him that he will not be seeing his children again (I suspect this woman is on drugs and he made no defence that she was not) When I saw him today he looked like a shell of a man not like someone who was in a happy place to say the least, he was thin, gaunt and looked like he has been through the ringer and possibly on drugs himself I suspect.
I was the one who broke it off with him because we were going through such a rough patch in our marriage and I felt like it was the only way of either of us finding happiness at the time.
I sort of regret it now and not trying to work on the marriage. I can't work out why for the life of me but I still love this man, In my heart he was/is my soulmate and one true love and I want him back :/
I have tried to move on and have tried to make myself, and have already been implementing the step of making myself happy without him or anyone.
He usually rings the kids through the week. I don't have to take the call. Not sure how the no contact thing works in this area when kids are involved and for them to have contact? Or especially if there is a drug addiction which I suspect whether I should not let him have any contact at all with myself or the children either?
Sorry if I am rambling I am pretty upset.
TIA for any advice you can give me, am feeling pretty heartbroken right now
Hey,
For no contact with kids, read this article.
I think you made the right decision by breaking up with him. And even though you are second guessing the decision right now, you still know deep inside it was the right thing to do. Even if you do get back together in the future, this breakup was necessary.
Thank you Kevin for your reply.
I hadn't seen this so when he rang to speak to the kids I didn't answer because I thought I should implement NC.
He rang and texted 5 times, I didn't read them until today with another 5 messages on top of that. The first few were cordial, but they became heated and manipulative the last one I read. So I did not read any more of them I figured I had tortured myself enough by reading them. He pushes my buttons deliberately to get a raise out of me and gloats about his new relationship, how she does the things I did not like to do with him. Really trying to rub it in because I foolishly told him that I was unable to move on. Something I regret telling him now.
I Have been writing and have checked out the other things you have suggested in email thank you have made me feel so much better and stronger. At least the tears have stopped a little and I have found a bit of clarity.
I am not sure whether to keep implementing the NC rule for the rest of the 30 days? or to let him speak to the children? (they are very messed up over this and don't really want to speak to him either) Thank you again for all your help I really appreciate it, and I do agree that the original breakup was necessary.
Hey Sarah,
If the children don't want to speak to him, you have all the right to implement NC. But if he keeps on insisting, you should let him know that the kids don't want to speak to him in a cordial tone and that you will appreciate it if he gives you some space and time right now.
I have just sent him a text that says that I will let the kids call him when they want but am changing my number that I am no longer available. He is trying to bully and manipulate me via text. So I have gone no contact and am moving on. Thanks for all your help Kevin but I think some relationships would be more painful to put back together. I am using this experience as an opportunity for growth and to change myself so I only have healthy relationships from here on. Thanks again
I think that was the best thing to do under the circumstances. All the best.
I think that was the best thing to do under the circumstances. All the best.
I think that was the best thing to do under the circumstances. All the best.
I think that was the best thing to do under the circumstances. All the best.
I think that was the best thing to do under the circumstances. All the best.
I think that was the best thing to do under the circumstances. All the best.
I texted him (because speaking to him I would not have been able to control myself) that the kids dont want to speak to him and they will need some space and time. I get an awful message in return.
"I don't know what you've said to the kids, but they were fine with things til I left them with you. I reckon your the one with the problem not the kids.
You need to grow up and be mature with the situation. I will call on sunday to call the kids. Hopefully you haven't totally brainwashed them by then. I am a good father and love the kids very much and know they love me."
What do I do now? The kids honestly do not want anything to do with his new girlfriend. My daughter said she felt put out when he just threw her in their face as well :( He and his daughter had always been close, but she is disgusted in his behaviour. My son never really got along with his father so there to be honest is no love lost there.
Do I let him speak to the kids or just go no contact? he already hates me by the sound of it, I am afraid I am pushing her and him closer together with this.
Thanks Kevin,
I am still on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment so will when I feel I can even bring myself to speak to him, let alone cordially. I am at the swinging between hating him and still loving him so best not to contact until I can get that under control. Thanks again
I have just sent him a text that says that I will let the kids call him when they want but am changing my number that I am no longer available. He is trying to bully and manipulate me via text. So I have gone no contact and am moving on. Thanks for all your help Kevin but I think some relationships would be more painful to put back together. I am using this experience as an opportunity for growth and to change myself so I only have healthy relationships from here on. Thanks again
I texted him (because speaking to him I would not have been able to control myself) that the kids dont want to speak to him and they will need some space and time. I get an awful message in return.
"I don't know what you've said to the kids, but they were fine with things til I left them with you. I reckon your the one with the problem not the kids.
You need to grow up and be mature with the situation. I will call on sunday to call the kids. Hopefully you haven't totally brainwashed them by then. I am a good father and love the kids very much and know they love me."
What do I do now? The kids honestly do not want anything to do with his new girlfriend. My daughter said she felt put out when he just threw her in their face as well :( He and his daughter had always been close, but she is disgusted in his behaviour. My son never really got along with his father so there to be honest is no love lost there.
Do I let him speak to the kids or just go no contact? he already hates me by the sound of it, I am afraid I am pushing her and him closer together with this.
Thanks Kevin,
I am still on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment so will when I feel I can even bring myself to speak to him, let alone cordially. I am at the swinging between hating him and still loving him so best not to contact until I can get that under control. Thanks again
I have just sent him a text that says that I will let the kids call him when they want but am changing my number that I am no longer available. He is trying to bully and manipulate me via text. So I have gone no contact and am moving on. Thanks for all your help Kevin but I think some relationships would be more painful to put back together. I am using this experience as an opportunity for growth and to change myself so I only have healthy relationships from here on. Thanks again
I texted him (because speaking to him I would not have been able to control myself) that the kids dont want to speak to him and they will need some space and time. I get an awful message in return.
"I don't know what you've said to the kids, but they were fine with things til I left them with you. I reckon your the one with the problem not the kids.
You need to grow up and be mature with the situation. I will call on sunday to call the kids. Hopefully you haven't totally brainwashed them by then. I am a good father and love the kids very much and know they love me."
What do I do now? The kids honestly do not want anything to do with his new girlfriend. My daughter said she felt put out when he just threw her in their face as well :( He and his daughter had always been close, but she is disgusted in his behaviour. My son never really got along with his father so there to be honest is no love lost there.
Do I let him speak to the kids or just go no contact? he already hates me by the sound of it, I am afraid I am pushing her and him closer together with this.
Thanks Kevin,
I am still on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment so will when I feel I can even bring myself to speak to him, let alone cordially. I am at the swinging between hating him and still loving him so best not to contact until I can get that under control. Thanks again
I have just sent him a text that says that I will let the kids call him when they want but am changing my number that I am no longer available. He is trying to bully and manipulate me via text. So I have gone no contact and am moving on. Thanks for all your help Kevin but I think some relationships would be more painful to put back together. I am using this experience as an opportunity for growth and to change myself so I only have healthy relationships from here on. Thanks again
I texted him (because speaking to him I would not have been able to control myself) that the kids dont want to speak to him and they will need some space and time. I get an awful message in return.
"I don't know what you've said to the kids, but they were fine with things til I left them with you. I reckon your the one with the problem not the kids.
You need to grow up and be mature with the situation. I will call on sunday to call the kids. Hopefully you haven't totally brainwashed them by then. I am a good father and love the kids very much and know they love me."
What do I do now? The kids honestly do not want anything to do with his new girlfriend. My daughter said she felt put out when he just threw her in their face as well :( He and his daughter had always been close, but she is disgusted in his behaviour. My son never really got along with his father so there to be honest is no love lost there.
Do I let him speak to the kids or just go no contact? he already hates me by the sound of it, I am afraid I am pushing her and him closer together with this.
Thanks Kevin,
I am still on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment so will when I feel I can even bring myself to speak to him, let alone cordially. I am at the swinging between hating him and still loving him so best not to contact until I can get that under control. Thanks again
I have just sent him a text that says that I will let the kids call him when they want but am changing my number that I am no longer available. He is trying to bully and manipulate me via text. So I have gone no contact and am moving on. Thanks for all your help Kevin but I think some relationships would be more painful to put back together. I am using this experience as an opportunity for growth and to change myself so I only have healthy relationships from here on. Thanks again
I texted him (because speaking to him I would not have been able to control myself) that the kids dont want to speak to him and they will need some space and time. I get an awful message in return.
"I don't know what you've said to the kids, but they were fine with things til I left them with you. I reckon your the one with the problem not the kids.
You need to grow up and be mature with the situation. I will call on sunday to call the kids. Hopefully you haven't totally brainwashed them by then. I am a good father and love the kids very much and know they love me."
What do I do now? The kids honestly do not want anything to do with his new girlfriend. My daughter said she felt put out when he just threw her in their face as well :( He and his daughter had always been close, but she is disgusted in his behaviour. My son never really got along with his father so there to be honest is no love lost there.
Do I let him speak to the kids or just go no contact? he already hates me by the sound of it, I am afraid I am pushing her and him closer together with this.
Thanks Kevin,
I am still on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment so will when I feel I can even bring myself to speak to him, let alone cordially. I am at the swinging between hating him and still loving him so best not to contact until I can get that under control. Thanks again
Hey Sarah,
If the children don't want to speak to him, you have all the right to implement NC. But if he keeps on insisting, you should let him know that the kids don't want to speak to him in a cordial tone and that you will appreciate it if he gives you some space and time right now.
Hey Sarah,
If the children don't want to speak to him, you have all the right to implement NC. But if he keeps on insisting, you should let him know that the kids don't want to speak to him in a cordial tone and that you will appreciate it if he gives you some space and time right now.
Hey Sarah,
If the children don't want to speak to him, you have all the right to implement NC. But if he keeps on insisting, you should let him know that the kids don't want to speak to him in a cordial tone and that you will appreciate it if he gives you some space and time right now.
Thank you Kevin for your reply.
I hadn't seen this so when he rang to speak to the kids I didn't answer because I thought I should implement NC.
He rang and texted 5 times, I didn't read them until today with another 5 messages on top of that. The first few were cordial, but they became heated and manipulative the last one I read. So I did not read any more of them I figured I had tortured myself enough by reading them. He pushes my buttons deliberately to get a raise out of me and gloats about his new relationship, how she does the things I did not like to do with him. Really trying to rub it in because I foolishly told him that I was unable to move on. Something I regret telling him now.
I Have been writing and have checked out the other things you have suggested in email thank you have made me feel so much better and stronger. At least the tears have stopped a little and I have found a bit of clarity.
I am not sure whether to keep implementing the NC rule for the rest of the 30 days? or to let him speak to the children? (they are very messed up over this and don't really want to speak to him either) Thank you again for all your help I really appreciate it, and I do agree that the original breakup was necessary.
Thank you Kevin for your reply.
I hadn't seen this so when he rang to speak to the kids I didn't answer because I thought I should implement NC.
He rang and texted 5 times, I didn't read them until today with another 5 messages on top of that. The first few were cordial, but they became heated and manipulative the last one I read. So I did not read any more of them I figured I had tortured myself enough by reading them. He pushes my buttons deliberately to get a raise out of me and gloats about his new relationship, how she does the things I did not like to do with him. Really trying to rub it in because I foolishly told him that I was unable to move on. Something I regret telling him now.
I Have been writing and have checked out the other things you have suggested in email thank you have made me feel so much better and stronger. At least the tears have stopped a little and I have found a bit of clarity.
I am not sure whether to keep implementing the NC rule for the rest of the 30 days? or to let him speak to the children? (they are very messed up over this and don't really want to speak to him either) Thank you again for all your help I really appreciate it, and I do agree that the original breakup was necessary.
Hey,
For no contact with kids, read this article.
I think you made the right decision by breaking up with him. And even though you are second guessing the decision right now, you still know deep inside it was the right thing to do. Even if you do get back together in the future, this breakup was necessary.
Hi Kevin,
Sorry I've read the guideline. Hope the post is successful this time.
I broke up with my ex boyfriend a month ago. We both are 27. We were friends for long time, dated for more than 3 years, and lived together for more than a year. We were planning of getting married next year, but ex couldn't make up his mind completely and he left me after I mistakenly said we should break up. Soon after I realized I said too much and apologized, but he didn't change his mind.
We moved to my home country where I've never lived myself. We both were mentally unstable sometimes because of this new environment, which lead us having so many arguments especially for the last half a year. We got through a long distance before living together, I thought we had a strong bond.
He says; 1. he can't imagine a happy future with me because we argue a lot, 2. he's very stressed out because of many other things so he wants to be by himself, 3. he doesn't know what to do in his life so I should be happier if I'm with someone else, 4. he knows I will support him for the future but one of us cannot be completely happy, 5. he sometimes think maybe the separation was a mistake but it was for the best.
I couldn't accept the separation. I tried to talk to him a few times in person but we couldn't talk what we wanted to talk because he was so emotional and stressed. A few days ago, he texted me that he knew I needed a better explanation but he didn't think it was a good time to talk at the moment because it'd make things worse.
Do you think he just doesn't want to talk to me at all any more? Or if I apply no contact for a while, it'll be still okay? As he currently is thinking I should be with someone else to be happy, I feel like if I do no contact even too long, he will eventually think 'she's doing fine without me as I thought' and we'll have less possibility of getting back together...
Could you give me some advise?
Hey Sue,
I replied to your first comment here.
Hey Sue,
I replied to your first comment here.
Hey Kevin,
My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, and I still want a relationship with her. She left me to try and start something with another guy that she thought she likes after being together 3-4 years. We have had on and off contact, some very positive and some very negative, for the past 2 months. I want to start no contact for a few months but she has been texting me several times per day. Should I tell her that I want no contact, so that she doesn't think I'm just ignoring her?
Yes, you should tell her that you need space and time.
Yes, you should tell her that you need space and time.
hi kevin,
i have been no contact with my ex girlfriend for 2 months and i just contacted her few days ago on facebook, she behaves a lot better than the last time we spoke, the last time we spoke she was acting really mean to me and it hurt me so much so i decided to go no contact and i have also deleted and blocked her on facebook after that conversation. However she got a new bf after we broke up 1.5 month so i assumed that guy is a rebound i also noticed that guy hasn't added any of her friends on facebook nor comment or like her photos or activities even though they have been together for nearly 4 months. My ex gf is a person who likes the person she loves to get involved with anything she does but that guy didn't which make me really curious here. However, after i haven't been spoken to her for 2 months and i started to message her on facebook we talked about the past mainly how i have mistreated her in the past and she also rub her new bf in my face but she also asked me would i take her back if she wants to get back together and i answered do you want to? and then she said would you change your mind if i tell you something bad about me and i said what is it? and she said she's pregnant and then i said yes i will still be with you even if you're pregnant and then she said good news im not pregant. what do you think of this?
I think it was a test to see whether or not you are still desperate and available. But I think your response wasn't that bad if she is still responsive and positive with you.
I think it was a test to see whether or not you are still desperate and available. But I think your response wasn't that bad if she is still responsive and positive with you.
Hey Kevin I just wanted to say it's day 26 since I last saw my ex. I have made positive changes in my life I even lost 25 pounds. I even went on a date wasn't the best but it was a date. I even started a project that I was working on before we met that I kind of fell out of it when we were together Thinking about my project helps get me through the day. But she's still in my mind we were more than in a relationship we were best friends too so I lost two very important things in my life. And it is so hard not to text her but don't worry Kevin I'm staying strong. I just feel like I let her down and that's why she is pursuing other people. If only she know that I was willing to change and put the romance back in our relationship.
It's OK John. She will see the changes when you meet her after no contact.
It's OK John. She will see the changes when you meet her after no contact.
Hey Kevin,
Me and me ex were together for 8 months, and it's been a little over a month since we broke up, and we haven't spoken since. I'm pretty sure she started seeing someone immediately after we broke up. I'm trying to move on, and I've gotten rid of all of her stuff and deleted all of her pics. The only thing I have left is thing little trinket that she gave me on our first date, which was an inside joke between us. I can't bring myself to throw it out, but I want it out of my house. So I was thinking about sending it to her in the mail and then she can do whatever she wants with it. I don't expect her to come back, but at least it will make her think about me. Do you think this is something I should do?
Thanks!
Hey Mike,
I'll advise against it. Why don't you contact her using the letter mentioned in the article?
Hey Mike,
I'll advise against it. Why don't you contact her using the letter mentioned in the article?
Hi Kevin, I just read the steps above and I was hoping that this will really work, we broke up a couple of days ago and he's really telling me that I kept bogging him that he needed some space that he doesn't like and want me anymore. It's very frustrating, I love him so much that I did all those deadly mistakes above. I tried to stop contacting him for a week but after a week his aunt called me that he's with another girl already. I do not know what to do. If I stop contacting him he'll be completely happy with her already, but if I continue bogging him he'll just get pissed and pushes me away even more. I don't know what to do anymore. please help me. I want him more than ever!
You should stop contacting him. It's a rebound relationship and he won't get over you so quickly.
You should stop contacting him. It's a rebound relationship and he won't get over you so quickly.
Kevin, will try and make this as short as possible.
I am 48 my ex is 38. We were together for 5 1/2 years. After saying for several years that he was ok with never having children, he changed his mind. He decided that he wanted wife/kids and I am too old to give him that. The break-up was amicable because I can understand the deep desire to have children. We both agreed to try and be friends (our relationship pretty much felt like a great friendship anyway)
Breakup was 4 months ago and I couldn't get through the NC (I reached out to him once a week..argh) he now has a new girlfriend (they both want kids and seem to be getting along).
Since the breakup I have lost weight, stopped smoking and gone out and met new friends, I am still in so much pain. I think I need to go NC again (this time stick to it) so that I can heal. How do I stick through the NC to move on??
Hey Sandy,
That's a big topic and I can't really cover it in just a comment. But I'll recommend you give yourself some time to grieve and at the same time balance out the sadness by doing something to make yourself feel better. Writing in a journal helps as well.
Hey Sandy,
That's a big topic and I can't really cover it in just a comment. But I'll recommend you give yourself some time to grieve and at the same time balance out the sadness by doing something to make yourself feel better. Writing in a journal helps as well.
Three months after breaking, she is in love with a friend(with who she dated one week some time ago).
She can't have nothing with him because of the relationship she had with me (he likes her but doesn't want nothing because of this).
And because of this, she even feel some kind of regret for the relationship with me.
I feel hurted and dont want nothing with her now, but i want to finish this with her in a way that in some months or years i will be able to talk and who knows what could happen
(i felt she was the one when i was with her)
No matter in what way you finish with her, you will be able to talk to her in a years time. No one holds grudges or resentment for that long.
No matter in what way you finish with her, you will be able to talk to her in a years time. No one holds grudges or resentment for that long.
Kevin,
Me and my ex have been broken up for a couple months now. I went through the no contact period and I emailed her. We have been talking via email for a couple weeks now. The conversations have been fine. Mostly small talk. I was going to ask her out to lunch pretty soon, but she hasn't responded to my last email. It's been a week. I'm not sure what to do at this point.
Thanks
Wait another week and email her again.
Wait another week and email her again.
hie kevin.
I broke with my lady about two months ago and I went through the no contact and now we have started talking again.she sent me a message that she wished me well in everything and even though it did not work between us she will always love me.what should I do after this.when I spoke to her she kept on referring to me as babes like old times.I still want her back though
Continue talking and ask her out after a while.
Continue talking and ask her out after a while.
Me and my boyfriend have had a smooth sailing relationship for 2 and 3/4 months and then suddenly he went kind of distant and it was on and off in terms of fighting. It went on for about 3 weeks and then I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I let him go. But after I let him go.. He kept talking to me and we were talking like friends. The next day he started ignoring me.. And I took that as a sign we are over. I asked for at least some closure but he just read my message. So I got angry and said mean and hurtful things like I wish I never loved or met him, I called him a coward and said other mean things I don't really mean. I feel like I burned the bridge of us down. I feel guilty and I want to apologize. How should I approach this and what should I do?
Hey Kevin,
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 10 months a few nights ago. We were in a long distant relationship and it was great. When we were together physically, it was amazing and unforgettable - We had so much chemistry. However in the last couple of months of our relationship, we began to fight often about little things such as over a game we played together. I knew that he was stressed from his new job so I wanted to give him some space. I was adapting to not being able to talk to him as much, then suddenly he began to socialise with his friends more online (friends that he sees in person of course). I began to feel neglected as spending time with him online or through phone calls and texting was the only way for us to bond. I told him how I felt about this, and he apologised saying that he wanted to make it up to his friends for not contacting them a lot during the time we were together, and that he was trying to balance his time with work, friends, family and myself. However in the end, he decided to call it off with me as he no longer wanted to break my heart and hurt me. I suggested that instead of a break up, we 'take a break' instead as we haven't tried it. But he really shut down my idea saying that his decision was final. At this point, we decided to remain friends even though we declared that we still love each other. I've entered the no-contact zone to allow him time and space for himself and I thought it'd be better off we didn't talk for a while. While we were dating, we talked about marriage, kids, house, holidays and even moving in together in the future. Do you think we still have a chance of getting back together?
Yes, I do think there's a chance and I think you handled the breakup pretty well.
Yes, I do think there's a chance and I think you handled the breakup pretty well.
Hey Kevin
Firstly thanks for all the great advice.
I had recently posted a question and your response was to apply NC again for three weeks. But after a week and a half two very close friends of his met in a car accident and were in a critical state. So I messaged him asking him if he was okay and I'm around if he needed anything. He thanked me and chatted, he was quite receptive. A few days later when we were with mutual friends he actually spoke to me and joked around with me. The first time he actually acknowledged me since the break up. Should I restart NC or just leave things to plan out? Or not apply NC but contact him in a few weeks?
I think you should contact him in a few weeks.
*first time he acknowledged my presence for the first time. He did reply to messages before this
I think you should contact him in a few weeks.
*first time he acknowledged my presence for the first time. He did reply to messages before this
Hi,
My boyfriend of 3.5 years just recently broke up with me. We have had our shares of ups and downs but it has been more good than bad. We met and started dating in florida and then after a year we moved in together and then moved out to Texas the following year. Things were going good for a while until recently. He would start pointing out all of the bad things instead of the good. I still love him to pieces but I do not know how he feels, he says he still loves me and cares but other times his behavior doesn't make it seem that way.
We are still currently living together, but that is changing in a few weeks, as he wants me to move out. I am in shambles and torn apart and really need some advice on what to do. This is the longest and one of the best relationships either of us has been in. What do I do? Do i wait and see what comes, or should I just move on.
Move out as soon as possible and start the 5 step plan.
Move out as soon as possible and start the 5 step plan.
what if you have completed the no contact period,and when you make first step by texting him he doesnt reply?
You wait another week and text again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
You wait another week and text again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
Hi
I had a 4 year relationship with a man I worked with. The company we worked for layed him off and he was forced to find work in another very large city. It happens to be the city where his High School girlfriend was living (we are in our 50's). I was worried but he assured me they were only friends and that I was the one he wanted. We planned to be together. The relationship progressed as normal - or so I thought.
I felt like something wasn't right and play detective and found out he was living at her residence (it's a very expensive city so he would have needed a roommate).
Again, he claimed he was renting a room and they were friends, still claiming he loves me. After that, I started putting 2 and 2 together and there had been lies going on about this woman for about 2 years.! He will not talk to me about any of this anymore and ignores my emails and texts when I question him. He will text and email me and tell me how much he loves me - I suspect when he has been drinking. I'm totally confused.
I feel so betrayed and lied to. But I still love and miss him. Why is he doing this to me? He just doesn't want me to move on?
Yes, he doesn't want you to move on. Because it's hard for him to move on.
Yes, he doesn't want you to move on. Because it's hard for him to move on.
My ex and I were together 2 years.. We had a nasty break up but we both know what went wrong.
He moved away ( 3hrs away) We have been in constant contact since and met up occasionally.
However I recently found out he has had an on/ off girlfriend where he lives for past year. During that time we have been in contact!
She found out about me and took him back... I was destroyed because of the lying. I am now applying the no contact rule.. But really want some explanations .. I'm v hurt and lost as to what to do
I think the best explanation is that he was a jerk and he doesn't deserve your time and energy. You wasted enough on him already. It's time to move on.
I think the best explanation is that he was a jerk and he doesn't deserve your time and energy. You wasted enough on him already. It's time to move on.
me and my ex broke up about 4 moths ago. the whole time we were in no contact. until about 3 weeks ago we seen each other at a party. we hooked up that night and talked for about 4 hours. we just talked about what we've been up too and not about our past. we agreed that night that the past is the past and it should stay there. we kept having casual meet ups and have been texting everyday since. but when we discuss what we are she says she she is confused because she feels so good when she's with me but is scared to repeat the past so she doesn't want a relationship. so we agreed to just let it be natural and whatever happens, happens. my question is how do i get her to be with me. like we finally seem happy together and its been a long time since we were able to just sit and talk for hours. we enjoy each others presence a lot and neither of us want each other out of our lives. but i just don't want to put in all this work and be rejected. how should i go about this?
Continue doing what you've been doing. At least for a couple of months. Hopefully, things will escalate. If not, then ask her for commitment.
Continue doing what you've been doing. At least for a couple of months. Hopefully, things will escalate. If not, then ask her for commitment.
Hi,
Me and my girlfriend dated for almost 2 years. She broke up with me 2 months ago. I don't know what to do. Less than a week ago we were talking about getting back together and now she said that it'll never work and won't talk to me. I don't know if she even still cares about me. Is there any hope? If so, what can I do?
Thank you,
Jake
Hey Jake,
There is definitely hope. And the best thing you can do is apply no contact and follow the plan.
Hey Jake,
There is definitely hope. And the best thing you can do is apply no contact and follow the plan.
Hey Kevin,
So my ex-gf moved on with another guy. They made it official. She said that she loves him and she made love to him since January. Told me to get over it. She post pix on IG at the baseball game and hashtag #babe. So there official i guess. I told her i need time and space from you and i hope you can respect that besides picking up my daughter on Sundays. She told me STFU and get over it. She said shes happy with him. I did go no contact after she text me that she met his family, made love to him, and she loves him. Pretty much made me feel like shit. LOL.
Hey John,
Her behavior is pretty hateful. Someone who has moved on wouldn't say things like that to their ex unless they are a really bad person.
That what i said. She said alot of hurtful things to me. And she keep saying i have a girlfriend which i dont. Why do she have to tell me she slept with him and love him already. Just make no sense to me. I am losing hope. And the best thing to me is to leave alone. So I go no contact?
She always say i moved on, i have a girlfriend which i dont. Why do she keep bringing that up? it makes no sense to me at all.
Btw Kevin. She always tend to text me late at night. On Saturday she texted me at 4:40am. Then yesterday she texted me at 12:39AM. I dont why she text me so late. Maybe she just got off the phone with her bf. But its getting irritating.
Hi Kevin,
I did tell her 3 weeks ago that i need time and space from you. She reacted and got really mad when i said that. You are right. Shes been asking the same questions everything i go no contact. I only respond if its in regarding to my daughter. But i keep it simple and short. Since that morning text. She havent text me all day. Usually she will text again and say hello? are you dumb? I just asked you a question. I will get my daughter next week. So I guess i will wait until then. My daughter birthday is this weekend.
Hi Kevin,
It was random over the weekend. She sent me a pix of me and my daughter when she was a newborn. She called me 3 times and said my 2 year old daughter wanted to talk to me. But my daughter is to young to even ask those kind of questions. LOL. I did not answer the call. So today she did text me asking for her mails, xbox and her package. How do i respond to that? what is her motive there. Also I havent seen my daughter for almost 2 weeks. Is it ok for me to go visit her?
Her motive is to get a reaction out of you. She can't handle your silence. Did you tell her before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup? If not, do it now. I'll recommend you wait another week or two before visiting her.
Her motive is to get a reaction out of you. She can't handle your silence. Did you tell her before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup? If not, do it now. I'll recommend you wait another week or two before visiting her.
Her motive is to get a reaction out of you. She can't handle your silence. Did you tell her before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup? If not, do it now. I'll recommend you wait another week or two before visiting her.
Her motive is to get a reaction out of you. She can't handle your silence. Did you tell her before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup? If not, do it now. I'll recommend you wait another week or two before visiting her.
Her motive is to get a reaction out of you. She can't handle your silence. Did you tell her before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup? If not, do it now. I'll recommend you wait another week or two before visiting her.
Her motive is to get a reaction out of you. She can't handle your silence. Did you tell her before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup? If not, do it now. I'll recommend you wait another week or two before visiting her.
Hi Kevin,
This morning she also text me saying we need to talk like adults. For me to call her. I didnt know what to do. Should i contact her or leave it alone.
John,
If she wants to talk like adults, tell her that you need space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if she can give it to you. Tell her you don't want any contact with her for a while unless it's related to your child. But from the way she has been acting, I think she wants to use this opportunity to again rub her relationship in your face and get a reaction out of you.
John,
If she wants to talk like adults, tell her that you need space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if she can give it to you. Tell her you don't want any contact with her for a while unless it's related to your child. But from the way she has been acting, I think she wants to use this opportunity to again rub her relationship in your face and get a reaction out of you.
John,
If she wants to talk like adults, tell her that you need space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if she can give it to you. Tell her you don't want any contact with her for a while unless it's related to your child. But from the way she has been acting, I think she wants to use this opportunity to again rub her relationship in your face and get a reaction out of you.
John,
If she wants to talk like adults, tell her that you need space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if she can give it to you. Tell her you don't want any contact with her for a while unless it's related to your child. But from the way she has been acting, I think she wants to use this opportunity to again rub her relationship in your face and get a reaction out of you.
John,
If she wants to talk like adults, tell her that you need space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if she can give it to you. Tell her you don't want any contact with her for a while unless it's related to your child. But from the way she has been acting, I think she wants to use this opportunity to again rub her relationship in your face and get a reaction out of you.
John,
If she wants to talk like adults, tell her that you need space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if she can give it to you. Tell her you don't want any contact with her for a while unless it's related to your child. But from the way she has been acting, I think she wants to use this opportunity to again rub her relationship in your face and get a reaction out of you.
Good Morning Kevin,
Thank you so much. This will be my last question. Yesterday we had an argument. She wanted me to pick up my daughter yesterday but it was her week. I said I can't because of work. She went off on me saying " your just mad because you can't have me " I told her I dont want you anymore, you moved on and you made your decision. If your happy I am happy for you. She said "You are not happy" and started laughing. She then said my bf will put a ring on my finger before you and he is so much of a better father to our daughter. She was throwing low blows and calling me names. I just dont know what is her motive here. lol. Confuses me. And she was putting me down.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I thought she was just saying that to make herself feel better and not a bad person that she moved on. Thanks Kevin. She havent contact me since Tuesdays at all about our daughter. And this week is her birthday week. Should i worry or leave her alone and still have no contact.
John, If she had truly moved on, she wouldn't care too much about your feelings. Moving on means becoming indifferent to your ex. My bet is still that she is not over you. As for her birthday, I think it'll be OK if you wish her but keep the conversation short.
John, If she had truly moved on, she wouldn't care too much about your feelings. Moving on means becoming indifferent to your ex. My bet is still that she is not over you. As for her birthday, I think it'll be OK if you wish her but keep the conversation short.
John, If she had truly moved on, she wouldn't care too much about your feelings. Moving on means becoming indifferent to your ex. My bet is still that she is not over you. As for her birthday, I think it'll be OK if you wish her but keep the conversation short.
John, If she had truly moved on, she wouldn't care too much about your feelings. Moving on means becoming indifferent to your ex. My bet is still that she is not over you. As for her birthday, I think it'll be OK if you wish her but keep the conversation short.
John, If she had truly moved on, she wouldn't care too much about your feelings. Moving on means becoming indifferent to your ex. My bet is still that she is not over you. As for her birthday, I think it'll be OK if you wish her but keep the conversation short.
John, If she had truly moved on, she wouldn't care too much about your feelings. Moving on means becoming indifferent to your ex. My bet is still that she is not over you. As for her birthday, I think it'll be OK if you wish her but keep the conversation short.
Because she is afraid of you moving on. Because she still has feelings for you and is afraid of losing you forever.
Btw Kevin. She always tend to text me late at night. On Saturday she texted me at 4:40am. Then yesterday she texted me at 12:39AM. I dont why she text me so late. Maybe she just got off the phone with her bf. But its getting irritating.
Hi Kevin,
I did tell her 3 weeks ago that i need time and space from you. She reacted and got really mad when i said that. You are right. Shes been asking the same questions everything i go no contact. I only respond if its in regarding to my daughter. But i keep it simple and short. Since that morning text. She havent text me all day. Usually she will text again and say hello? are you dumb? I just asked you a question. I will get my daughter next week. So I guess i will wait until then. My daughter birthday is this weekend.
Hi Kevin,
It was random over the weekend. She sent me a pix of me and my daughter when she was a newborn. She called me 3 times and said my 2 year old daughter wanted to talk to me. But my daughter is to young to even ask those kind of questions. LOL. I did not answer the call. So today she did text me asking for her mails, xbox and her package. How do i respond to that? what is her motive there. Also I havent seen my daughter for almost 2 weeks. Is it ok for me to go visit her?
Hi Kevin,
This morning she also text me saying we need to talk like adults. For me to call her. I didnt know what to do. Should i contact her or leave it alone.
Good Morning Kevin,
Thank you so much. This will be my last question. Yesterday we had an argument. She wanted me to pick up my daughter yesterday but it was her week. I said I can't because of work. She went off on me saying " your just mad because you can't have me " I told her I dont want you anymore, you moved on and you made your decision. If your happy I am happy for you. She said "You are not happy" and started laughing. She then said my bf will put a ring on my finger before you and he is so much of a better father to our daughter. She was throwing low blows and calling me names. I just dont know what is her motive here. lol. Confuses me. And she was putting me down.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I thought she was just saying that to make herself feel better and not a bad person that she moved on. Thanks Kevin. She havent contact me since Tuesdays at all about our daughter. And this week is her birthday week. Should i worry or leave her alone and still have no contact.
Because she is afraid of you moving on. Because she still has feelings for you and is afraid of losing you forever.
Btw Kevin. She always tend to text me late at night. On Saturday she texted me at 4:40am. Then yesterday she texted me at 12:39AM. I dont why she text me so late. Maybe she just got off the phone with her bf. But its getting irritating.
Hi Kevin,
I did tell her 3 weeks ago that i need time and space from you. She reacted and got really mad when i said that. You are right. Shes been asking the same questions everything i go no contact. I only respond if its in regarding to my daughter. But i keep it simple and short. Since that morning text. She havent text me all day. Usually she will text again and say hello? are you dumb? I just asked you a question. I will get my daughter next week. So I guess i will wait until then. My daughter birthday is this weekend.
Hi Kevin,
It was random over the weekend. She sent me a pix of me and my daughter when she was a newborn. She called me 3 times and said my 2 year old daughter wanted to talk to me. But my daughter is to young to even ask those kind of questions. LOL. I did not answer the call. So today she did text me asking for her mails, xbox and her package. How do i respond to that? what is her motive there. Also I havent seen my daughter for almost 2 weeks. Is it ok for me to go visit her?
Hi Kevin,
This morning she also text me saying we need to talk like adults. For me to call her. I didnt know what to do. Should i contact her or leave it alone.
Good Morning Kevin,
Thank you so much. This will be my last question. Yesterday we had an argument. She wanted me to pick up my daughter yesterday but it was her week. I said I can't because of work. She went off on me saying " your just mad because you can't have me " I told her I dont want you anymore, you moved on and you made your decision. If your happy I am happy for you. She said "You are not happy" and started laughing. She then said my bf will put a ring on my finger before you and he is so much of a better father to our daughter. She was throwing low blows and calling me names. I just dont know what is her motive here. lol. Confuses me. And she was putting me down.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I thought she was just saying that to make herself feel better and not a bad person that she moved on. Thanks Kevin. She havent contact me since Tuesdays at all about our daughter. And this week is her birthday week. Should i worry or leave her alone and still have no contact.
Because she is afraid of you moving on. Because she still has feelings for you and is afraid of losing you forever.
Btw Kevin. She always tend to text me late at night. On Saturday she texted me at 4:40am. Then yesterday she texted me at 12:39AM. I dont why she text me so late. Maybe she just got off the phone with her bf. But its getting irritating.
Hi Kevin,
I did tell her 3 weeks ago that i need time and space from you. She reacted and got really mad when i said that. You are right. Shes been asking the same questions everything i go no contact. I only respond if its in regarding to my daughter. But i keep it simple and short. Since that morning text. She havent text me all day. Usually she will text again and say hello? are you dumb? I just asked you a question. I will get my daughter next week. So I guess i will wait until then. My daughter birthday is this weekend.
Hi Kevin,
It was random over the weekend. She sent me a pix of me and my daughter when she was a newborn. She called me 3 times and said my 2 year old daughter wanted to talk to me. But my daughter is to young to even ask those kind of questions. LOL. I did not answer the call. So today she did text me asking for her mails, xbox and her package. How do i respond to that? what is her motive there. Also I havent seen my daughter for almost 2 weeks. Is it ok for me to go visit her?
Hi Kevin,
This morning she also text me saying we need to talk like adults. For me to call her. I didnt know what to do. Should i contact her or leave it alone.
Good Morning Kevin,
Thank you so much. This will be my last question. Yesterday we had an argument. She wanted me to pick up my daughter yesterday but it was her week. I said I can't because of work. She went off on me saying " your just mad because you can't have me " I told her I dont want you anymore, you moved on and you made your decision. If your happy I am happy for you. She said "You are not happy" and started laughing. She then said my bf will put a ring on my finger before you and he is so much of a better father to our daughter. She was throwing low blows and calling me names. I just dont know what is her motive here. lol. Confuses me. And she was putting me down.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I thought she was just saying that to make herself feel better and not a bad person that she moved on. Thanks Kevin. She havent contact me since Tuesdays at all about our daughter. And this week is her birthday week. Should i worry or leave her alone and still have no contact.
Because she is afraid of you moving on. Because she still has feelings for you and is afraid of losing you forever.
Btw Kevin. She always tend to text me late at night. On Saturday she texted me at 4:40am. Then yesterday she texted me at 12:39AM. I dont why she text me so late. Maybe she just got off the phone with her bf. But its getting irritating.
Hi Kevin,
I did tell her 3 weeks ago that i need time and space from you. She reacted and got really mad when i said that. You are right. Shes been asking the same questions everything i go no contact. I only respond if its in regarding to my daughter. But i keep it simple and short. Since that morning text. She havent text me all day. Usually she will text again and say hello? are you dumb? I just asked you a question. I will get my daughter next week. So I guess i will wait until then. My daughter birthday is this weekend.
Hi Kevin,
It was random over the weekend. She sent me a pix of me and my daughter when she was a newborn. She called me 3 times and said my 2 year old daughter wanted to talk to me. But my daughter is to young to even ask those kind of questions. LOL. I did not answer the call. So today she did text me asking for her mails, xbox and her package. How do i respond to that? what is her motive there. Also I havent seen my daughter for almost 2 weeks. Is it ok for me to go visit her?
Hi Kevin,
This morning she also text me saying we need to talk like adults. For me to call her. I didnt know what to do. Should i contact her or leave it alone.
Good Morning Kevin,
Thank you so much. This will be my last question. Yesterday we had an argument. She wanted me to pick up my daughter yesterday but it was her week. I said I can't because of work. She went off on me saying " your just mad because you can't have me " I told her I dont want you anymore, you moved on and you made your decision. If your happy I am happy for you. She said "You are not happy" and started laughing. She then said my bf will put a ring on my finger before you and he is so much of a better father to our daughter. She was throwing low blows and calling me names. I just dont know what is her motive here. lol. Confuses me. And she was putting me down.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I thought she was just saying that to make herself feel better and not a bad person that she moved on. Thanks Kevin. She havent contact me since Tuesdays at all about our daughter. And this week is her birthday week. Should i worry or leave her alone and still have no contact.
Because she is afraid of you moving on. Because she still has feelings for you and is afraid of losing you forever.
You absolutely must go no contact.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
She is having a hard time dealing with the breakup and getting over you. Her messages prove that she misses you. I think you should send her the letter mentioned in the article after no contact is over.
She is having a hard time dealing with the breakup and getting over you. Her messages prove that she misses you. I think you should send her the letter mentioned in the article after no contact is over.
She is having a hard time dealing with the breakup and getting over you. Her messages prove that she misses you. I think you should send her the letter mentioned in the article after no contact is over.
She is having a hard time dealing with the breakup and getting over you. Her messages prove that she misses you. I think you should send her the letter mentioned in the article after no contact is over.
She is having a hard time dealing with the breakup and getting over you. Her messages prove that she misses you. I think you should send her the letter mentioned in the article after no contact is over.
She is having a hard time dealing with the breakup and getting over you. Her messages prove that she misses you. I think you should send her the letter mentioned in the article after no contact is over.
I know Kevin. Wanted to wish her a happy bday from me and my daughter. Sucks that she has a bf now and shes going to have a a fun bday weekend without me and her daughter. Im doing my best to leave her alone. I wonder if she is really over me and happy with that guy.
If i wished her a happy bday wouldnt it make it seem like i still care and wanting her. LOL. Sometimes I feel like when she text me she always find something to ask about like money i owe her. Idk where her mind is at Kevin. But i have been doing no contact. This will be my second week...
Hey John,
It's not necessary to wish her birthday. It's optional. I think even if you don't wish her, there is a chance she might think that you are not wishing her out of spite or anger. Which again shows that you are hurt from the breakup. And that doesn't work on your favor either. As long as you keep the text short, wishing her shouldn't be a problem. Although, not wishing her isn't going to do any considerable damage either.
Hey John,
It's not necessary to wish her birthday. It's optional. I think even if you don't wish her, there is a chance she might think that you are not wishing her out of spite or anger. Which again shows that you are hurt from the breakup. And that doesn't work on your favor either. As long as you keep the text short, wishing her shouldn't be a problem. Although, not wishing her isn't going to do any considerable damage either.
Hey John,
It's not necessary to wish her birthday. It's optional. I think even if you don't wish her, there is a chance she might think that you are not wishing her out of spite or anger. Which again shows that you are hurt from the breakup. And that doesn't work on your favor either. As long as you keep the text short, wishing her shouldn't be a problem. Although, not wishing her isn't going to do any considerable damage either.
Hey John,
It's not necessary to wish her birthday. It's optional. I think even if you don't wish her, there is a chance she might think that you are not wishing her out of spite or anger. Which again shows that you are hurt from the breakup. And that doesn't work on your favor either. As long as you keep the text short, wishing her shouldn't be a problem. Although, not wishing her isn't going to do any considerable damage either.
Hey John,
It's not necessary to wish her birthday. It's optional. I think even if you don't wish her, there is a chance she might think that you are not wishing her out of spite or anger. Which again shows that you are hurt from the breakup. And that doesn't work on your favor either. As long as you keep the text short, wishing her shouldn't be a problem. Although, not wishing her isn't going to do any considerable damage either.
Hey John,
It's not necessary to wish her birthday. It's optional. I think even if you don't wish her, there is a chance she might think that you are not wishing her out of spite or anger. Which again shows that you are hurt from the breakup. And that doesn't work on your favor either. As long as you keep the text short, wishing her shouldn't be a problem. Although, not wishing her isn't going to do any considerable damage either.
And her birthday is tomorrow. Also mother's day. The best thing to do is no contact for those as well correct?
You are allowed to wish her as long as you keep the text short.
You are allowed to wish her as long as you keep the text short.
You are allowed to wish her as long as you keep the text short.
You are allowed to wish her as long as you keep the text short.
You are allowed to wish her as long as you keep the text short.
You are allowed to wish her as long as you keep the text short.
Is that bad thing? now she texted me today bringing up dumb things that made no sense at all. Just trying to put me down.
Hi Kevin,
I do have another question. I did do contact for 1 week. Yesterday i picked up my daughter at the park. My ex gf keep rushing me to pick up my daughter. She had a BBQ for her birthday. And her BF was there. I told her my ex gf. Didnt i tell you not to bring my daughter around your new. My ex gf was so scared and freaked out because i was super mad. Then i texted her saying dont ever disrespect me by bringing him around my daughter. She Told me to " Calm Down " then say " OK stop you moved on" I told her it doesnt matter. Respect me as a dad. And we left it at that. What do you think about that?
I think you gave her the reaction she had been looking for all along.
I think you gave her the reaction she had been looking for all along.
I think you gave her the reaction she had been looking for all along.
I think you gave her the reaction she had been looking for all along.
I think you gave her the reaction she had been looking for all along.
I think you gave her the reaction she had been looking for all along.
I am going no contact now. I can only check on my daughter through her mom. Her mom told us to leave each other alone and dont call or text. Her mom was disappointed with my ex gf decision. Should i lose hope Kevin? And i notice when we argue she always text LOLOLOL.
Hey John,
You will realize whether or not you should pursue or not during the no contact period. All the best.
Hey John,
You will realize whether or not you should pursue or not during the no contact period. All the best.
Hey John,
You will realize whether or not you should pursue or not during the no contact period. All the best.
Hey John,
You will realize whether or not you should pursue or not during the no contact period. All the best.
Hey John,
You will realize whether or not you should pursue or not during the no contact period. All the best.
Hey John,
You will realize whether or not you should pursue or not during the no contact period. All the best.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I know Kevin. Wanted to wish her a happy bday from me and my daughter. Sucks that she has a bf now and shes going to have a a fun bday weekend without me and her daughter. Im doing my best to leave her alone. I wonder if she is really over me and happy with that guy.
If i wished her a happy bday wouldnt it make it seem like i still care and wanting her. LOL. Sometimes I feel like when she text me she always find something to ask about like money i owe her. Idk where her mind is at Kevin. But i have been doing no contact. This will be my second week...
And her birthday is tomorrow. Also mother's day. The best thing to do is no contact for those as well correct?
Is that bad thing? now she texted me today bringing up dumb things that made no sense at all. Just trying to put me down.
Hi Kevin,
I do have another question. I did do contact for 1 week. Yesterday i picked up my daughter at the park. My ex gf keep rushing me to pick up my daughter. She had a BBQ for her birthday. And her BF was there. I told her my ex gf. Didnt i tell you not to bring my daughter around your new. My ex gf was so scared and freaked out because i was super mad. Then i texted her saying dont ever disrespect me by bringing him around my daughter. She Told me to " Calm Down " then say " OK stop you moved on" I told her it doesnt matter. Respect me as a dad. And we left it at that. What do you think about that?
I am going no contact now. I can only check on my daughter through her mom. Her mom told us to leave each other alone and dont call or text. Her mom was disappointed with my ex gf decision. Should i lose hope Kevin? And i notice when we argue she always text LOLOLOL.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I know Kevin. Wanted to wish her a happy bday from me and my daughter. Sucks that she has a bf now and shes going to have a a fun bday weekend without me and her daughter. Im doing my best to leave her alone. I wonder if she is really over me and happy with that guy.
If i wished her a happy bday wouldnt it make it seem like i still care and wanting her. LOL. Sometimes I feel like when she text me she always find something to ask about like money i owe her. Idk where her mind is at Kevin. But i have been doing no contact. This will be my second week...
And her birthday is tomorrow. Also mother's day. The best thing to do is no contact for those as well correct?
Is that bad thing? now she texted me today bringing up dumb things that made no sense at all. Just trying to put me down.
Hi Kevin,
I do have another question. I did do contact for 1 week. Yesterday i picked up my daughter at the park. My ex gf keep rushing me to pick up my daughter. She had a BBQ for her birthday. And her BF was there. I told her my ex gf. Didnt i tell you not to bring my daughter around your new. My ex gf was so scared and freaked out because i was super mad. Then i texted her saying dont ever disrespect me by bringing him around my daughter. She Told me to " Calm Down " then say " OK stop you moved on" I told her it doesnt matter. Respect me as a dad. And we left it at that. What do you think about that?
I am going no contact now. I can only check on my daughter through her mom. Her mom told us to leave each other alone and dont call or text. Her mom was disappointed with my ex gf decision. Should i lose hope Kevin? And i notice when we argue she always text LOLOLOL.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I know Kevin. Wanted to wish her a happy bday from me and my daughter. Sucks that she has a bf now and shes going to have a a fun bday weekend without me and her daughter. Im doing my best to leave her alone. I wonder if she is really over me and happy with that guy.
If i wished her a happy bday wouldnt it make it seem like i still care and wanting her. LOL. Sometimes I feel like when she text me she always find something to ask about like money i owe her. Idk where her mind is at Kevin. But i have been doing no contact. This will be my second week...
And her birthday is tomorrow. Also mother's day. The best thing to do is no contact for those as well correct?
Is that bad thing? now she texted me today bringing up dumb things that made no sense at all. Just trying to put me down.
Hi Kevin,
I do have another question. I did do contact for 1 week. Yesterday i picked up my daughter at the park. My ex gf keep rushing me to pick up my daughter. She had a BBQ for her birthday. And her BF was there. I told her my ex gf. Didnt i tell you not to bring my daughter around your new. My ex gf was so scared and freaked out because i was super mad. Then i texted her saying dont ever disrespect me by bringing him around my daughter. She Told me to " Calm Down " then say " OK stop you moved on" I told her it doesnt matter. Respect me as a dad. And we left it at that. What do you think about that?
I am going no contact now. I can only check on my daughter through her mom. Her mom told us to leave each other alone and dont call or text. Her mom was disappointed with my ex gf decision. Should i lose hope Kevin? And i notice when we argue she always text LOLOLOL.
You are right kevin. I didnt wish her a happy birthday last thursday. She texted Friday Morning with a dumb text. Saying that i dont deserve my daughter and that i am immature and disgusting and that it will be my last week with my daughter. Also over the weekend i went out with my friends. She texted me more crazier stuff. I did drop off my daughter to her and she didnt want to look at me at all. Later that night she texted me about me owing her money. But i didnt know what to say to her. So ignored it. So what do i do from here Kevin? i really miss her but i know she has a bf. You think she misses me too. I just dont know how to win her over.
I know Kevin. Wanted to wish her a happy bday from me and my daughter. Sucks that she has a bf now and shes going to have a a fun bday weekend without me and her daughter. Im doing my best to leave her alone. I wonder if she is really over me and happy with that guy.
If i wished her a happy bday wouldnt it make it seem like i still care and wanting her. LOL. Sometimes I feel like when she text me she always find something to ask about like money i owe her. Idk where her mind is at Kevin. But i have been doing no contact. This will be my second week...
And her birthday is tomorrow. Also mother's day. The best thing to do is no contact for those as well correct?
Is that bad thing? now she texted me today bringing up dumb things that made no sense at all. Just trying to put me down.
Hi Kevin,
I do have another question. I did do contact for 1 week. Yesterday i picked up my daughter at the park. My ex gf keep rushing me to pick up my daughter. She had a BBQ for her birthday. And her BF was there. I told her my ex gf. Didnt i tell you not to bring my daughter around your new. My ex gf was so scared and freaked out because i was super mad. Then i texted her saying dont ever disrespect me by bringing him around my daughter. She Told me to " Calm Down " then say " OK stop you moved on" I told her it doesnt matter. Respect me as a dad. And we left it at that. What do you think about that?
I am going no contact now. I can only check on my daughter through her mom. Her mom told us to leave each other alone and dont call or text. Her mom was disappointed with my ex gf decision. Should i lose hope Kevin? And i notice when we argue she always text LOLOLOL.
She always say i moved on, i have a girlfriend which i dont. Why do she keep bringing that up? it makes no sense to me at all.
You absolutely must go no contact.
She always say i moved on, i have a girlfriend which i dont. Why do she keep bringing that up? it makes no sense to me at all.
You absolutely must go no contact.
She always say i moved on, i have a girlfriend which i dont. Why do she keep bringing that up? it makes no sense to me at all.
You absolutely must go no contact.
That what i said. She said alot of hurtful things to me. And she keep saying i have a girlfriend which i dont. Why do she have to tell me she slept with him and love him already. Just make no sense to me. I am losing hope. And the best thing to me is to leave alone. So I go no contact?
That what i said. She said alot of hurtful things to me. And she keep saying i have a girlfriend which i dont. Why do she have to tell me she slept with him and love him already. Just make no sense to me. I am losing hope. And the best thing to me is to leave alone. So I go no contact?
Hey John,
Her behavior is pretty hateful. Someone who has moved on wouldn't say things like that to their ex unless they are a really bad person.
Hey kevin,
Well my story is a little bit different because of the fact that im still with my boyfriend. Its still very similar though because we are on a very rocky road rightnow and im afraid that this relationship is about to end. We have been together for 4 yrs. I lived with him for about 7 months and it was great at first but towards the end it just seemed like he didnt want to be around me much. We argued alot and recently we got into a huge fight and it ended up in a "breakup" but we ended up saying we were going to try and work it out. I dont live with him anymore... But he still wants ALOT of space and so far iv been doing just that. I hardly even txted him until last night. I had only seen him 2 times this week and not alone time.. And i wanted to see h yesterday but he said it would be pushing it. So i got really mad because all iv been doing is trying NOT to push things. So i guess my question to you is: how can i use your advice to my advantage ? Should i do the no contact rule ? I just want things to be back to normal and i feel like nothing is working and nothing helps. Id love some advice !
IF he wants space, you should do no contact.
IF he wants space, you should do no contact.
Hy Kevin great read and I think it's helpful so here's my situation, me and my because broke up nd became friends with benefits we were great he was like a brother friend to me and very mature, he left me for a new girl pretty, light skin, therfore leaving me with insecurity he said his heart wasn't with me anymore, and I want him back wat do I do, move on or stay hoping
Hey,
If you don't want to move on, you should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey,
If you don't want to move on, you should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I've sent a comment on April 23rd, didn't get a reply yet.
Hello Kevin,
So my ex girlfriend and were dating for 2 years and through the first year and a half everything was great no arguments nothing. But as her 21 birthday started to come up she started to go out more and wanted to be more independent and I was fine with that. But her priorities were starting to change and she started to hangout with one of her single crazy friends all the time. So once she turned 21 and was going out I started asking her if I was one of her priorities because I was starting to feel like and option and not a priority. She told me that she knows that she started doing that and she asked if we should do are own things and I said sure. So it has been a week and now she wont talk to me but the problem is that we work together and I still have strong feeling for her. So I don't really know what to do because her and I talk 3 day after the break up and she told me that she does not want to date anybody and that she needs her space from me right now. But she still cares about me. So we haven't talked after that. I Have no idea what to do because I still love her a whole bunch. I just don't know where to start because no contact is imposable till I change departments.
You can still apply limited contact.
You can still apply limited contact.
Hey Kevin !
My boyfriend of more than four years and I recently broke up. He told me he needed space, and that he was not happy with himself, and needed to make himself happier before he got back into a relationship. He has started to lie and be sneaky the last few weeks, so Im not sure if he was finding a reason to break up or he is being honest with me. He has still been texting me telling me that he loves me, and wants a future with me, but he is not ready for a relationship right now. I feel confused, but I am starting the 30 day no contact today and I am hoping things can only get better from here. I feel like this relationship is worth working for, I am just hoping he realizes the same thing. Kevin, do you feel like I should fight for this or give myself time to clear my mind?
Thanks for your time,
Marina
You should give yourself time to clear your mind even if you want to fight for this.
You should give yourself time to clear your mind even if you want to fight for this.
I think the problem with a lot of articles is this 30 day no contact, while it is true completely for the first break up, most people never do it right , so they break up again. When you break up again most articles do not mention that you probably need more than 30 days if both of you are highly emotional, you need about 60 to 90 days or more. Honestly some people need 60 months so that's 180 days or maybe even a year. My ex-husband came back to me after 5 years of no contact ! So when people only see 30 days they tend to think that's all you need , and that's not always correct.
I agree with you Tracy. That's why there's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4.
I agree with you Tracy. That's why there's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4.
Hey Kevin,
My relation can be divided into 3 parts:
1_August-December: I was confident, taken everything for granted and she did her best to impress me
2_January-March: I begged her, did my best to make her happy, she wanted to breakup, she ignored me, etc.
3_ April-Did not contact her much. Very short texts once in a while and saw her for a couple of hours at her apartment in an unexpected visit after 3 weeks of not visiting her. The next week she emailed me that we have gone too far from each other, and she cannot be a good girlfriend to me anymore and that she want to breakup.
In the beginning I reacted very sarcastically and reminded her all her bad behaviors in 5 emails. I told her that I mention these thing so that she take a lesson and be good girlfriend for her next boyfriend and don't make the same mistakes anymore. But I emotionally broke up in the 3rd day and sent her emails on apologies. Then went to her house and asked her to forgive me for the emails that I wrote. Also, mentioned that I will make her happy. She repeated that she cannot date me anymore and I should go out of her life for ever. I told her that, at this stage I don't want to be date her but want to hangout with her. In fact, it was her idea (I guess she knows all about "No Contact" things and things alike).
Fortunately, when she got mad at me for the 5 sarcastic emails she mentioned one of the reasons that had probably made her angry these days about me: Her lesbian friend had told her that I texted her at mid-nights which was a lie and was in fact I replied to her text messages (I explained this in an email to her).
Anyway, for 2-3 days, I kept writing her how I love her and I am sorry for those +5 emails. However, I also saw her at one of the group meetings later and told her that she smells good and told her that I miss her but we will talk later about it. Got a couple of good and bad signs. Now, my problems is that there are big chances that I will see her at next group meeting so there will be no 30s plan. And questions arises, should I say hi to her if I see her? There are also chances to see her at the gym where we go. If I see her there, should I say hi to her?
Oh! Forgot to mention, she used to think that I am using her. Apparently she has less sexual drive. In my last day emails I told her that I just want to hangout with her and since I love her and want our relation to be till infinity, we will have a lot of time to have sex so I am not in hurry at all!
I am optimist that there will be a comeback sooner or later but really don't know how to react when I see her somewhere unexpectedly. Some are really unavoidable since I have promised other guys to be there. Please advise.
Thank you very much!
Dara
Hey,
Whenever you see her at a meeting or the gym, just treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Be cordial and upbeat. If you have to talk to her, keep the conversation short.
Hey!
She has unfriended me on her Facebook some days ago and even blocked me! I will never talk about it to her unless we are back in good days!! Well, I don't conclude anything on it.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you for your comment. In fact, 30 days is a period is a great time in which you can get rid of your mental inertia and start to think if she is worth so much of hardship. If she is then why did she dump you when you needed her the most? Anyway, saw her on the street while she drove her bike and passed by me. When she came close, she turn her face to other side, so did not even say hi. At that moment, I felt nothing but the after some hours I felt that I missed her! Anyways, will not contact her before 30 days.
Thank you!
Hey!
She has unfriended me on her Facebook some days ago and even blocked me! I will never talk about it to her unless we are back in good days!! Well, I don't conclude anything on it.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you for your comment. In fact, 30 days is a period is a great time in which you can get rid of your mental inertia and start to think if she is worth so much of hardship. If she is then why did she dump you when you needed her the most? Anyway, saw her on the street while she drove her bike and passed by me. When she came close, she turn her face to other side, so did not even say hi. At that moment, I felt nothing but the after some hours I felt that I missed her! Anyways, will not contact her before 30 days.
Thank you!
Hey!
She has unfriended me on her Facebook some days ago and even blocked me! I will never talk about it to her unless we are back in good days!! Well, I don't conclude anything on it.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you for your comment. In fact, 30 days is a period is a great time in which you can get rid of your mental inertia and start to think if she is worth so much of hardship. If she is then why did she dump you when you needed her the most? Anyway, saw her on the street while she drove her bike and passed by me. When she came close, she turn her face to other side, so did not even say hi. At that moment, I felt nothing but the after some hours I felt that I missed her! Anyways, will not contact her before 30 days.
Thank you!
Hey,
Whenever you see her at a meeting or the gym, just treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Be cordial and upbeat. If you have to talk to her, keep the conversation short.
Kevin,
My ex boyfriend of 2.5 years and I broke up one year ago. We were high school sweethearts and cared about each other a lot, however we both agreed that we needed time apart to do our own thing and experience life as single people. The breakup was mutual. We both dated other people but I never felt the same about anyone the way I did about him. Eventually, after not talking for months, we reconnected in February of this year. We spent a lot of time together and spoke about possibly getting back together. After the time apart I realized that I truly loved him and wanted to get back together. He wasn't totally sure about whether or not he wanted to date again. However after hanging out for a couple months, he began to come around and thought that maybe we would but he needed time to think about it. We planned on taking things slow, not jumping right back into being a couple but spending time together and being exclusive (not seeing other people). He is not a very emotional person so sometimes I question how much he cares about me, he says he loves me but he doesn't always walk the walk as far as proving he wants to be with me. I worry that I want it more then him. Should I wait for him to decide if he wants to date me or move on ?
You shouldn't be needy at this time and you shouldn't push him at all. Any needy behavior is going to reduce your chances. IF you think he is worth it, you should wait. At least for a while. Give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for him? If till that time, he doesn't commit, cut contact with him and move on.
You shouldn't be needy at this time and you shouldn't push him at all. Any needy behavior is going to reduce your chances. IF you think he is worth it, you should wait. At least for a while. Give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for him? If till that time, he doesn't commit, cut contact with him and move on.
I recently broke up with my ex and we were in relationship for 9 months. We are both around 30 years old. Overall we were having really a great time although she did suffer from depression caused by earlier relationship and was constantly under pressure from work. At the beginning of the year she started the feel more and more distant and we had two conversation about taking a short break. She told me many times that she feels that she met me too soon and wasn't ready. Also said that I wasn't a rebound guy, showered me with praises and gave a gift when broke up. She talked a lot about what she wanted to do in the future with me after the dust had settled and she had solved her problems. Also asked if my relatives are ok with us getting back together later.
Two weeks after the break I sent her a message and asked if everything is ok. She said that she has met a guy she wants to get known better. At this point I kinda understood that she had met this guy in a event a while back when we were talking about the break. She has now changed her fb status in relationship with the new guy although the guy lives around 500km away. I replied with a little bit of frustration but the next day I already regretted the tone of that message and send her another where I apologied, wished her happy future with the guy, thanked for everything and bid my farewell. She replied and thanked me and wished also a good future. I haven't been in contact with her. Now it has been around 2 weeks of NC and still thinking about the mixed messages she gave to me.
You should do no contact for another 4 weeks and follow the 5 step plan.
You should do no contact for another 4 weeks and follow the 5 step plan.
Kevin,
Towards the last part of our relationship my gf just didn't seem interested in me and never wanted to hangout and barely texted me. I understood that she wanted to live her own life and hangout with her friends, but to an extend I felt like she didn't care about us anymore. So I was fed up and broke up with her, after a couple days I realized I regretted the breakup and only said those things because I was angry at the time and bypassed talking it out. For awhile I tried to get in contact with her immediately after the break up but eventually I just gave up. After about 20 days give or take from when I last contacted her she texted me saying that she was here for me if I ever needed anything. I gave in and responded right away, for the next couple of weeks we were talking everyday. Then after awhile I started to show the neediness side of myself and was hinting towards being back together with her(without her showing any relationship feelings) and then she just stopped texting me altogether. I was wondering if I should just go with the no contact phase again and let it play out or try to see how she really feels about us?
Go no contact again. This time, don't hint about getting back together unless you have gone out with her at least 3-4 times.
Go no contact again. This time, don't hint about getting back together unless you have gone out with her at least 3-4 times.
My ex girlfriend just emailed me today saying she's still feels as bad as she did the day we broke up (it's been 2 months) I told her I would like to talk to her about something important if she is willing to see me. She said she wants to but is scared and that she's kit sure when. We talked a little longer about her problems with things going on right now and she said she worries about me all the time, then I said I really have important things to tell her and to please let me know when she can see me.... She then stopped responding for the rest of the day.. What should I do and what do you think is going on in her head?
I think she got scared with the way you proposed meeting her. You put too much pressure on her with the important things bit. You should keep things light. Follow the 5 step plan.
I think she got scared with the way you proposed meeting her. You put too much pressure on her with the important things bit. You should keep things light. Follow the 5 step plan.
Kevin,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years. We were going to get married then his mom died and his dad has been very needy. This last year has been full of stressful situations and we didn't have very many good times to hold on to. We live in different states right now. We were very close and we talked everyday. He just recently told me he needed space to get his things done. It seemed more than that..I wouldn't hear from him for days. I freaked out and did everything that drove him away. Calls,texts pleading,crying ect. I want him back but he now ignores me. He won't tell me it's over or talk to me. He said we will talk and will have to have a long talk and there isn't anyone else. He is staying in my area with family and will be leaving to go back home in a week. But days have gone by and he ignores me. I told him I wanted to talk to him in person to end it, because it seems like he doesn't want to be together anymore and I'm in a lot of pain.He text back fine okay but he was tired not to come over. I told him I really didn't want the relationship to end I wanted to fix it? He said he was tired of the drama and wanted to go to bed. I'm still confused about if we are done or what. This has been going on for a month. I can't get any answers maybe his actions is his answer. I want us back...I've done everything wrong..and don't know how to turn this around..
You need to back off for a while. Apply no contact for one month. Give him the space he needs.
Thank you :)
Thank you :)
Thank you :)
You need to back off for a while. Apply no contact for one month. Give him the space he needs.
Hi Kevin. I have dated my ex for 3 years. We never argue. He proposed after 1 year of dating. We were engaged for 5 months and I got cold feet. He has teenagers and I could not marry him with the problems he was having with the kids. We decided we only wanted each other and to stay together until they were in College and then be married. Three weeks ago I got sick. He sent me selfie s at 12:30 while I was sick. When I ask him to wait until waking hours he got pissed. He pouted and did not call to check on me. When I said something about it he sent a text he was fed up and wanted a break and for me to leave him alone. I sent a text that I was as tired of him and.to forget my name. I was just mad and hurt. I have gone to talk to him. He would not stop working long enough to talk to me. I have tried three times to call him. He will not respond. Should I just give up and move on?
You should read the 5 step plan and apply no contact.
You should read the 5 step plan and apply no contact.
hi, kevin! my story is a bit complicated and there was no breakup. he's my boyfriend of almost 6yrs and we have a kid. we are still together as partners but he's out on the other side of the world. we kept a promise that if he falls out of love for me, he would tell me. he confessed just last week that he had an affair and fell in love with the other woman but he says it hurt him to have lied to me. that was such a blow! i knew it could happen but i never expected the pain to be excruciating. he did tell me that he broke up with the other woman because he chose me and my daughter as we were far more important. he said he broke up with her because of guilt. that i had been good and loyal and he reciprocated it with unfaithfulness. i haven't read any articles like this before so when i got the news, i was blown off. i decided to quit and just live a life of my own. he didn't want me to leave him, he said, coz he can't imagine life without me and our kid. however, he told me, he felt love for the other woman and now he's confused and what he felt for me is just second to love. i don't want to misconstrue it for pity or what but it got me all in a mess. :( he begged me to stay because he'll be coming home by september and he wants us around when he gets home.
because of too much pain, i didn't see that as an option. i just wanted to get out of the situation and told him i'm moving out still. finally, he told his mom that he's confused about his feelings toward me and told her as well that i wanted a breakup. he said he would try to salvage our relationship because of our daughter and because he knew that his mom will be hurt too when that happens. he said that if we can't reconcile, there's nothing he can do about it. but if i was to stay, he will sacrifice his happiness and try to salvage our relationship.
??? i was like "what?!?" that was indirectly saying that he was just forced to beg me to stay because of our daughter and not because of us. so that had me challenged. i backtracked and told him i can't live without him. and true enough, i acted very needy and all insecure. now, he's distant and cold even with his messages.
i am so confused right now.
Hey Migs,
You should apply no contact now and try to move on. Let him know that he doesn't have to try to make things work because of your daughter. And start no contact after that. Give him time to process his feelings and realize whether or not he wants you for you or for the sake of his family.
Hey Migs,
You should apply no contact now and try to move on. Let him know that he doesn't have to try to make things work because of your daughter. And start no contact after that. Give him time to process his feelings and realize whether or not he wants you for you or for the sake of his family.
Hi Kevin,
My and my ex bf broke up in January after 2 and a half years (we kept in touch until mid Feb, which was painful for both of us...me calling him to talk and sort things out and he avoiding, or him calling me in the middle of the night drunk because I was his closest person.)
Anyway, I found out that my ex bf started sleeping with one girl from work couple of days after our break up. He was hiding it from me and denying, until I told him that I know and said I would not contact him if that's his choice. I was upset to be honest.
But some of our common friends told me that my ex is with her because he does't want to be alone and he doesn't want to remember me, and also he gets grumpy when hearing my name.
Now it's 2 months since I have not talked to my ex, and he has not contacted me either - I know he is still meeting the girl, but not treating her as a girlfriend or something like that. And still getting upset if for some reason a friend mentiones me or ask about us.
I accepted the fact he is with a new girl, but still love him and want to have another chance together, but don't know what to do?
Thanks :)
She is probably a rebound. You should follow the 5 step plan.
She is probably a rebound. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hello kevin
My girlfriend broke up with me for 5 days ago, when she told me I tried to keep it cool and told her that i respekted her choice (even though I didn't). Her reason for breaking up, was because she didn't feel she could be herself. Since then I've had more or less non contact to her, the only moment we had contact, were when she texted me that she would come by and collect some of her stuff. She texted me with smileys, and I analyzed it that she wanted to start communication with me. I totally answered her cool and short without any signs of being desperate and yet not either being rude. Yesterday she posted 2 message pictures on her facebook profile saying: "Be carefull not to do anything permanently stupid, because you are temporarily angry, stressed, scared, tired or hungry" and the second one saying: "People build up walls not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down<3". I feel that she wants med to do an effort to get her back, and that she regrets she broke up with me. What is your advice for me to do now?
Thank you very much
Don't think too much about her facebook status. Follow the plan. You handled the breakup pretty well.
Don't think too much about her facebook status. Follow the plan. You handled the breakup pretty well.
Hi,
So my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me about a month ago because I cheated on her and didn't confess because I was scared and didn't want her to find out for fear of her breaking up with me. This was both of our first relationships. When I say cheat I am referring to me "allegedly" (I don't remember due to alcohol) making out with a girl at a club. Our relationship had been going great for over a year. Not a single fight or problem. But I started getting these feelings of wanting to be with someone else (not someone in particular, just a different girl) and the relationship took a bad turn. We just lost contact, stopped seeing eachother as often and got into a couple fights. She found out and broke up with me and when she found out I was crushed. Not because I got caught but because I genuinely felt horrible. She is a great girl and didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated her because I know she would never have done that to me. It just sucks that I had to find out how I truly felt about her the hard way. I was a mess when we broke up and I have only contacted her twice during the breakup so far, but we did speak about everything on the phone and really we got no where. She doesn't trust me and is asking me why she should give me another chance and I am trying to explain to her that it was meaningless and I don't even remember it. I feel like I should have waited to talk to her but its too late. it has been over a week since that phonecall with zero contact. I am at the one month no contact period and I'm not sure where to go from here. Please help.
Thanks,
Austin
I think you still have a chance. IF you've read the 5 step plan, then you already know what to do.
I think you still have a chance. IF you've read the 5 step plan, then you already know what to do.
Hi,
So, I was broken up with towards the end of January this year and both of us were really hurt. They started talking to someone else right after we broke up. We started talking again, and they stopped talking to the other person bc they claimed to not have feelings for the other person, and we almost got back together in March until I got too clingy. I tried no contact, but ended up contacting her after 3 weeks. That went badly. Then 2 weeks later, yesterday, I ran into her and basically begged for her back, which also went badly. They started dating the person they had originally stopped talking to recently, and claims to already love this person, despite having had said a couple month's ago that they didn't. They say that we won't get back together ever, but maybe we could be friends in a year when I'm over it. Do I still have a chance if I actually go through with no contact for awhile, like a month or 2, this time, or is it too late for her to ever be in that "missing you" stage? Should I take what they said to heart, or are they just still scared of getting hurt and are in a rebound relationship?
I think there's still a chance. You should do no contact for around two months and follow the plan. And I think she is in a rebound relationship.
Also, we were together about a year and were engaged.
I think there's still a chance. You should do no contact for around two months and follow the plan. And I think she is in a rebound relationship.
Also, we were together about a year and were engaged.
Kevin,
So here's what happened. And I need serious advice on this. Me and this girl were having a serious relationship, and then all of a sudden, she says that she just wants to be friends. I have no idea what I did wrong. It's a long distance relationship right now, but I move near her in June and I have been with her before, and she said I made all her problems go away. But now she said she's not ready for a relationship, and doesn't have the same feelings for me as she did before, and she said she is having feelings for someone else. Why can't she see that I would do anything for her? I want her back more than anything. So I just text her of I'm glad we are just friends and now I'm starting the no contact period. Please give advice man. I need it. I don't want her with someone else. I love her too much. We talked about being together forever, and growing old, and having kids. Please reply. Thank you
Hey Alek,
You already know what to do. Do no contact and get back in touch with her after a month. Everything is laid out in the article above.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you, I will do this. But...I have a slight problem. I don't know what to do and forgot to add this in the other night as it was so late. I am seeing her this weekend, you could say, because I am going to her child's first birthday party. Also, in mid June I meant to say that I am moving in with her and her friend (not the one she says she's starting to have feelings for). She spoke to me about this when we were together and has made no statement to me saying otherwise. What should I do? Again, I apologize of not adding this in the other night. Any advice would be appreciated and I would do anything in the universe to get her back. I have not messaged or called her or anything since yesterday. Thank you.
If you've already broken up, it's safe to assume she doesn't want you to move in. And you shouldn't.
She just texted me about eight times just now, and wants me to send her pictures of her and her daughter. Do I respond? I am sorry that I am asking and commenting a lot, but I would really like to take precautions and such so I don't screw anything up. And your site is very great with helping. Thanks
You should send the pictures and tell her that you need some space and time right now to deal with the breakup.
You should send the pictures and tell her that you need some space and time right now to deal with the breakup.
You should send the pictures and tell her that you need some space and time right now to deal with the breakup.
You should send the pictures and tell her that you need some space and time right now to deal with the breakup.
You should send the pictures and tell her that you need some space and time right now to deal with the breakup.
If you've already broken up, it's safe to assume she doesn't want you to move in. And you shouldn't.
She just texted me about eight times just now, and wants me to send her pictures of her and her daughter. Do I respond? I am sorry that I am asking and commenting a lot, but I would really like to take precautions and such so I don't screw anything up. And your site is very great with helping. Thanks
If you've already broken up, it's safe to assume she doesn't want you to move in. And you shouldn't.
She just texted me about eight times just now, and wants me to send her pictures of her and her daughter. Do I respond? I am sorry that I am asking and commenting a lot, but I would really like to take precautions and such so I don't screw anything up. And your site is very great with helping. Thanks
If you've already broken up, it's safe to assume she doesn't want you to move in. And you shouldn't.
She just texted me about eight times just now, and wants me to send her pictures of her and her daughter. Do I respond? I am sorry that I am asking and commenting a lot, but I would really like to take precautions and such so I don't screw anything up. And your site is very great with helping. Thanks
Hey Kevin,
Thank you, I will do this. But...I have a slight problem. I don't know what to do and forgot to add this in the other night as it was so late. I am seeing her this weekend, you could say, because I am going to her child's first birthday party. Also, in mid June I meant to say that I am moving in with her and her friend (not the one she says she's starting to have feelings for). She spoke to me about this when we were together and has made no statement to me saying otherwise. What should I do? Again, I apologize of not adding this in the other night. Any advice would be appreciated and I would do anything in the universe to get her back. I have not messaged or called her or anything since yesterday. Thank you.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you, I will do this. But...I have a slight problem. I don't know what to do and forgot to add this in the other night as it was so late. I am seeing her this weekend, you could say, because I am going to her child's first birthday party. Also, in mid June I meant to say that I am moving in with her and her friend (not the one she says she's starting to have feelings for). She spoke to me about this when we were together and has made no statement to me saying otherwise. What should I do? Again, I apologize of not adding this in the other night. Any advice would be appreciated and I would do anything in the universe to get her back. I have not messaged or called her or anything since yesterday. Thank you.
Hey Alek,
You already know what to do. Do no contact and get back in touch with her after a month. Everything is laid out in the article above.
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for 5 days now. I miss him a lot and (oops) told him so. He said don't make it awkward for him and we aren't together and it's not about who misses who!! He works out of state and will be home in 2 weeks and will be moving out. What do I do??? I miss him and I don't want to break up. He hasn't changed his status on FB yet either and there is no one else. His mom says I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him and he's a fool if he does leave - but I'm afraid he actually will.
How do I get him to want to stay?
We broke up b/c I didn't respect his space- over texted him, was insecure b/c he works out of town - basically everything a girlfriend shouldn't do I did and I'm really embarrassed by my behavior. I've apologized to him and he said that's fine but the breakup stands... :( HELP!
Do you think he will come back? What about him moving out...
If he decides to move out, you should let him. If you try to stop him, it will make you look needy. As for whether or not he will come back, no one can say for sure, but it's worth trying.
If he decides to move out, you should let him. If you try to stop him, it will make you look needy. As for whether or not he will come back, no one can say for sure, but it's worth trying.
If he decides to move out, you should let him. If you try to stop him, it will make you look needy. As for whether or not he will come back, no one can say for sure, but it's worth trying.
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Do you think he will come back? What about him moving out...
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Kevin,
My ex and I broke up about 8 months ago, but since then we have been off and on until about a month ago. Right after we broke up he started seeing another girl, but ended with her to not lost me. While we were off and on we still hung out, talked, said "I love you" and basically acted like a couple he just wouldn't commit and acted very unsure of what he wanted. While we were broken up we fought a lot, there was a lot of drama, I sometimes felt like he was using me, and he really was back and forth with how he felt. Finally, it got to be too much and I had given into every ex-girlfriend stereotype there is. So about a month ago we decided to just completely end things. Then he started asking to see me again and had been assuring me that he wasn't with anyone else or anything, but then he finally admitted he was seeing someone. So now he has a new girlfriend that he has been talking to for the past month or so while we really didn't completely end things until a little over a month ago. I'm not really sure if this advice still applies to me since we broke up so long ago or if this is even a rebound relationship for him. I haven't talked to him in about three weeks, but I still am unsure of what to do or if there is even still a chance for us to be together again.
I think it's still a rebound relationship since he never got over you. He is still trying to keep you in his life. You should follow the 5 step plan.
How long do you think I should apply no-contact? While he was dating me, I caught him texting his ex so I know he isn't above that, but I'm not so sure he isn't so exhausted from our relationship and into this new girl that he won't contact me first. I don't want to miss an opportunity for him to miss me.
Thanks.
You should apply no contact for a month. Even if he doesn't contact you first, you should contact him after no contact.
Also another thing I should mention, whenever we were still off and on (about a month and a half ago) he told me that" if he ever decided to be with someone else, it wouldn't be him choosing her over me it would just be because so much had happened between us." So I don't really know what that means, or if that's a sign or what. I think he was starting to have feelings for this other girl by this point so maybe that had something to do with it.
How long should I wait until I can be sure this isn't a rebound relationship? He seems really happy, and all of his friends like her. She just is the COMPLETE opposite of me and anyone else he has ever gone for. I just can't tell if he likes her so much more because of her differences (and she probably does have a lot in common with him), but he always made it seem like he was so happy with me. I just don't really know what happened between us because he was always so in love and obsessed with me, and now has lost every motivation or feeling for me. We were best friends, and I don't want him to make a mistake of thinking this girl will be better to him. I would do anything for him, and I pretty much went through everything to be there for him and to prove to him that I wanted to be with him. But in the end, he has chosen someone else.
Hey Marie,
No one can say when his new relationship will end and you can never be sure if it's a rebound until it ends. I'll recommend you use the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before contacting him.
Hey Marie,
No one can say when his new relationship will end and you can never be sure if it's a rebound until it ends. I'll recommend you use the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before contacting him.
Hey Marie,
No one can say when his new relationship will end and you can never be sure if it's a rebound until it ends. I'll recommend you use the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before contacting him.
Hey Marie,
No one can say when his new relationship will end and you can never be sure if it's a rebound until it ends. I'll recommend you use the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before contacting him.
Hey Marie,
No one can say when his new relationship will end and you can never be sure if it's a rebound until it ends. I'll recommend you use the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before contacting him.
Hey Marie,
No one can say when his new relationship will end and you can never be sure if it's a rebound until it ends. I'll recommend you use the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before contacting him.
Also another thing I should mention, whenever we were still off and on (about a month and a half ago) he told me that" if he ever decided to be with someone else, it wouldn't be him choosing her over me it would just be because so much had happened between us." So I don't really know what that means, or if that's a sign or what. I think he was starting to have feelings for this other girl by this point so maybe that had something to do with it.
How long should I wait until I can be sure this isn't a rebound relationship? He seems really happy, and all of his friends like her. She just is the COMPLETE opposite of me and anyone else he has ever gone for. I just can't tell if he likes her so much more because of her differences (and she probably does have a lot in common with him), but he always made it seem like he was so happy with me. I just don't really know what happened between us because he was always so in love and obsessed with me, and now has lost every motivation or feeling for me. We were best friends, and I don't want him to make a mistake of thinking this girl will be better to him. I would do anything for him, and I pretty much went through everything to be there for him and to prove to him that I wanted to be with him. But in the end, he has chosen someone else.
Also another thing I should mention, whenever we were still off and on (about a month and a half ago) he told me that" if he ever decided to be with someone else, it wouldn't be him choosing her over me it would just be because so much had happened between us." So I don't really know what that means, or if that's a sign or what. I think he was starting to have feelings for this other girl by this point so maybe that had something to do with it.
How long should I wait until I can be sure this isn't a rebound relationship? He seems really happy, and all of his friends like her. She just is the COMPLETE opposite of me and anyone else he has ever gone for. I just can't tell if he likes her so much more because of her differences (and she probably does have a lot in common with him), but he always made it seem like he was so happy with me. I just don't really know what happened between us because he was always so in love and obsessed with me, and now has lost every motivation or feeling for me. We were best friends, and I don't want him to make a mistake of thinking this girl will be better to him. I would do anything for him, and I pretty much went through everything to be there for him and to prove to him that I wanted to be with him. But in the end, he has chosen someone else.
Also another thing I should mention, whenever we were still off and on (about a month and a half ago) he told me that" if he ever decided to be with someone else, it wouldn't be him choosing her over me it would just be because so much had happened between us." So I don't really know what that means, or if that's a sign or what. I think he was starting to have feelings for this other girl by this point so maybe that had something to do with it.
How long should I wait until I can be sure this isn't a rebound relationship? He seems really happy, and all of his friends like her. She just is the COMPLETE opposite of me and anyone else he has ever gone for. I just can't tell if he likes her so much more because of her differences (and she probably does have a lot in common with him), but he always made it seem like he was so happy with me. I just don't really know what happened between us because he was always so in love and obsessed with me, and now has lost every motivation or feeling for me. We were best friends, and I don't want him to make a mistake of thinking this girl will be better to him. I would do anything for him, and I pretty much went through everything to be there for him and to prove to him that I wanted to be with him. But in the end, he has chosen someone else.
Also another thing I should mention, whenever we were still off and on (about a month and a half ago) he told me that" if he ever decided to be with someone else, it wouldn't be him choosing her over me it would just be because so much had happened between us." So I don't really know what that means, or if that's a sign or what. I think he was starting to have feelings for this other girl by this point so maybe that had something to do with it.
How long should I wait until I can be sure this isn't a rebound relationship? He seems really happy, and all of his friends like her. She just is the COMPLETE opposite of me and anyone else he has ever gone for. I just can't tell if he likes her so much more because of her differences (and she probably does have a lot in common with him), but he always made it seem like he was so happy with me. I just don't really know what happened between us because he was always so in love and obsessed with me, and now has lost every motivation or feeling for me. We were best friends, and I don't want him to make a mistake of thinking this girl will be better to him. I would do anything for him, and I pretty much went through everything to be there for him and to prove to him that I wanted to be with him. But in the end, he has chosen someone else.
You should apply no contact for a month. Even if he doesn't contact you first, you should contact him after no contact.
You should apply no contact for a month. Even if he doesn't contact you first, you should contact him after no contact.
You should apply no contact for a month. Even if he doesn't contact you first, you should contact him after no contact.
How long do you think I should apply no-contact? While he was dating me, I caught him texting his ex so I know he isn't above that, but I'm not so sure he isn't so exhausted from our relationship and into this new girl that he won't contact me first. I don't want to miss an opportunity for him to miss me.
Thanks.
How long do you think I should apply no-contact? While he was dating me, I caught him texting his ex so I know he isn't above that, but I'm not so sure he isn't so exhausted from our relationship and into this new girl that he won't contact me first. I don't want to miss an opportunity for him to miss me.
Thanks.
I think it's still a rebound relationship since he never got over you. He is still trying to keep you in his life. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hello Kevin. He is 25 and I am 24. We dated for a year and I broke up with him because of long distance. We continued to talk and eventually he didn't want to anymore. I tried to contact him for a long time before giving up. Now it has been 3 months with NC. How much longer should I wait?
Use the checklist at the beginning of Step 4.
Use the checklist at the beginning of Step 4.
Hi Kevin,
My ex was a very loving boyfriend. We are now on our 9th year but he suddenly decided, we cool off. It started 3 years ago when I got so busy at work that I almost stopped texting, calling and seeing him. I was so comfortable that he will stay forever as he promised, mentioning that he's also living with my family, while I was away and staying at a dormitory in the company. He found photos of me with another guy and told me that it hurts him, but I told him that it's nothing and that I never cheated. Then, he confessed that there's a girl he's starting to like, a friend who has been his confidant while I was away, they're exchanging text messages and calling each other often. He said he still loves me but not the same as before. He told me that he needs a break, some rest from all the stress I caused him. He even blocked me from sending him text messages and from calling him. When asked if we can still fix the relationship, he said he's not sure, he doesn't know, it depends. He told me that he'll leave the house soon and will start to live alone and find himself. He said he just wanted to cool off but I am worried if he's telling the truth or that girl is already his girlfriend. I pleaded him not to leave me, that I regret neglecting him, that I will do my best to become a better partner, but he still chose to leave the house. He continued to ignore my calls and messages. Please help me. I have already learned my lessons. I know it was my fault but I want my boyfriend (we're on the cool off stage) back. I love him so much. Do you think there's still a chance of him to get back with me? Please help me Kevin. Thanks.
Thanks. I will.
Thanks. I will.
hey Kevin,
me and my ex have been broken up for over a year, I know seems like a long time to just now start trying to get back with her. to be honest though, I haven't stopped thinking about her. Every time I see her its like all the air in my lugs is ripped out. She truly is something special to me, I still love her just as much as I did when we departed.. I still talk to her every now and then but not that often. but the past couple of days we have talked more than we usually do. I cant explain how bad I want her back.. know anything I can try to increase my odds on getting her back?
Make some positive changes in your life before asking her out.
Make some positive changes in your life before asking her out.
Hi Kevin
Me and my boyfriend of nearly 9 months split up 3 weeks ago. We work in the same place, and were very close. He hadn't had a long term relationship in some years. He denied this but all his friends told me there hadn't really been anyone in the 12 years they had known him.
The breakup happened suddenly, over something he had promised to do and didn't. I over-reacted. When I tried to get back with him 2 days later, he wasn't having any of it. He told me that the relationship hadn't been that good, as he had just always agreed to everything I'd said and my stresses had got him down. He doesn't want confrontation or conflict.
We met last Thursday so I could give him something. He seemed melancholy, clingy and wanted to know everything going on in my life. On Friday he was cold and distant. On Saturday I went to give him the remainder of his belongings back that he'd had at my place. We chatted like old times and eventually went and got a pizza together.
When I left I told him that he didn't seem to know what he wanted so I would give him some space, and he said thanks he appreciated that. I said I didnt want to get back together - not to how it was, it would be different, he needs more space and to be himself again.
On both days he hugged me a few times and kissed me on the lips, but just a peck. He held back anything more.
I had to email him a link to our photos on the internet. He has since said that he felt our time together was for the "vast majority of it" great, very positive, so special, etc etc.
This guy was a good guy, Ive kissed many frogs, and all I want to do is get him back. Im working on the issues he raised with me. But I fear he is searching for perfection.
Hey,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hello Kevin I was with my ex boyfriend for about 5 years which was not a really health relationship but we managed. Anyway we are both moved on and we both have a partner and we are happy with them but I still don't understand if he is so happy with his girlfriend why does he still insult me every time he sees me... Any Advice ?
Either he is a jerk or he still has feelings for you and is insulting you because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. Which still makes him a jerk.
Either he is a jerk or he still has feelings for you and is insulting you because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. Which still makes him a jerk.
Hey Kevin,
ive been with this guy for almost 5 years and we have a 3 year old daughter together. for the past ''almost 5 years'' we broke up and made up more than 4 times. the last make up with did he proposed but then we broke up again and he was with a girl and then left this girl for me again and proposed again...now he's gone again with that same girl and claim that he's not coming back. I love him and I miss him does that mean we are out chances because I feel like im the one who pushed him away this time its now that im realizing the efforts he made.
I think you do have a chance. You should follow the 5 step plan.
I think you do have a chance. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I had a very bad break up about 2 and a half months ago, we dated for nearly two years. Of course like any other heart broken girl I broke all of the deadly rules. I didn't contact him for seven days, but then cracked and texted him on what would of been our anniversary. I recently found out he is seeing someone else, but it is not official. When I asked about her he told me his feelings for her were very strong and "legit". I'm not sure if she's a rebound or if he has really moved on. Do you think I could still get him back? What should I do?
hey kevin...did you get my message?
Yes, it's here.
Yes, it's here.
Hi Kevin, I appreciate the advice. I think it will help. I definitely want my ex (3 yr relationship)to want to get me back. If she does not I have supportive friends and family. I believe we are in drift but it is tough to tell. We work together. She tells me she still has feelings for me and still loves me. I went through the False friendship and we recently hung out and had a good time. She even made sexual advances. She is currently with someone who she says doesn't have much time for her. She also compares it to our relationship often. What do I do next. Continue to hang out to wait for her to ask for a date while doing the steps or give her the letter? Any help appreciated. Thanks
Continue hanging out and having a good time with her. Don't give her any letter at this stage.
Hi Kevin, I have continued and followed the advice but I work with her so I see her daily. She will tell me she wants to be with me and I don't give in because she states she doesn't know what's going on with the new relationship but it's not much. I just try to support her and nothing more. How do I know to try something different. My situation is different. No contact is not as effective. She did agree to a date but a week later still wants to figure out where she is at with him. I havent brought it up. Just good old times and thats only if i have something to relate it too at work.Any advice appreciated. Thanks
Hey Rob,
Tell her you need space and time and so does she. Start no contact. Read this article how to apply no contact.
Hi Kevin, I have had no contact for a little over a month now. I didn't phrase my question correctly. I was wondering what to do after no contact. Thank you for your time. I appreciate it.
Oh, I got a little confused with that one.
I think you should just continue having good time with her. You'll just have to go through this without showing any signs of neediness. She is confused about what she wants. The best thing you can do is just be happy and confident around her. It'll increase your chances.
Another option is to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you are not going to wait around forever and she has to decide right now. Choose between you and him. If she chooses him, you will move on with your life. If she chooses the other guy, you should apply no contact and start moving on with your life.
I'll recommend you give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for her. If by the end of that time period, she is still indecisive, give her the ultimatum.
Oh, I got a little confused with that one.
I think you should just continue having good time with her. You'll just have to go through this without showing any signs of neediness. She is confused about what she wants. The best thing you can do is just be happy and confident around her. It'll increase your chances.
Another option is to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you are not going to wait around forever and she has to decide right now. Choose between you and him. If she chooses him, you will move on with your life. If she chooses the other guy, you should apply no contact and start moving on with your life.
I'll recommend you give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for her. If by the end of that time period, she is still indecisive, give her the ultimatum.
Oh, I got a little confused with that one.
I think you should just continue having good time with her. You'll just have to go through this without showing any signs of neediness. She is confused about what she wants. The best thing you can do is just be happy and confident around her. It'll increase your chances.
Another option is to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you are not going to wait around forever and she has to decide right now. Choose between you and him. If she chooses him, you will move on with your life. If she chooses the other guy, you should apply no contact and start moving on with your life.
I'll recommend you give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for her. If by the end of that time period, she is still indecisive, give her the ultimatum.
Oh, I got a little confused with that one.
I think you should just continue having good time with her. You'll just have to go through this without showing any signs of neediness. She is confused about what she wants. The best thing you can do is just be happy and confident around her. It'll increase your chances.
Another option is to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you are not going to wait around forever and she has to decide right now. Choose between you and him. If she chooses him, you will move on with your life. If she chooses the other guy, you should apply no contact and start moving on with your life.
I'll recommend you give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for her. If by the end of that time period, she is still indecisive, give her the ultimatum.
Oh, I got a little confused with that one.
I think you should just continue having good time with her. You'll just have to go through this without showing any signs of neediness. She is confused about what she wants. The best thing you can do is just be happy and confident around her. It'll increase your chances.
Another option is to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you are not going to wait around forever and she has to decide right now. Choose between you and him. If she chooses him, you will move on with your life. If she chooses the other guy, you should apply no contact and start moving on with your life.
I'll recommend you give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for her. If by the end of that time period, she is still indecisive, give her the ultimatum.
Oh, I got a little confused with that one.
I think you should just continue having good time with her. You'll just have to go through this without showing any signs of neediness. She is confused about what she wants. The best thing you can do is just be happy and confident around her. It'll increase your chances.
Another option is to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you are not going to wait around forever and she has to decide right now. Choose between you and him. If she chooses him, you will move on with your life. If she chooses the other guy, you should apply no contact and start moving on with your life.
I'll recommend you give yourself a time limit. How long are you willing to wait for her. If by the end of that time period, she is still indecisive, give her the ultimatum.
Hi Kevin, I have had no contact for a little over a month now. I didn't phrase my question correctly. I was wondering what to do after no contact. Thank you for your time. I appreciate it.
Hi Kevin, I have had no contact for a little over a month now. I didn't phrase my question correctly. I was wondering what to do after no contact. Thank you for your time. I appreciate it.
Hi Kevin, I have had no contact for a little over a month now. I didn't phrase my question correctly. I was wondering what to do after no contact. Thank you for your time. I appreciate it.
Hi Kevin, I have had no contact for a little over a month now. I didn't phrase my question correctly. I was wondering what to do after no contact. Thank you for your time. I appreciate it.
Hey Rob,
Tell her you need space and time and so does she. Start no contact. Read this article how to apply no contact.
Hey Rob,
Tell her you need space and time and so does she. Start no contact. Read this article how to apply no contact.
Hey Rob,
Tell her you need space and time and so does she. Start no contact. Read this article how to apply no contact.
Hi Kevin, I have continued and followed the advice but I work with her so I see her daily. She will tell me she wants to be with me and I don't give in because she states she doesn't know what's going on with the new relationship but it's not much. I just try to support her and nothing more. How do I know to try something different. My situation is different. No contact is not as effective. She did agree to a date but a week later still wants to figure out where she is at with him. I havent brought it up. Just good old times and thats only if i have something to relate it too at work.Any advice appreciated. Thanks
Hi Kevin, I have continued and followed the advice but I work with her so I see her daily. She will tell me she wants to be with me and I don't give in because she states she doesn't know what's going on with the new relationship but it's not much. I just try to support her and nothing more. How do I know to try something different. My situation is different. No contact is not as effective. She did agree to a date but a week later still wants to figure out where she is at with him. I havent brought it up. Just good old times and thats only if i have something to relate it too at work.Any advice appreciated. Thanks
Continue hanging out and having a good time with her. Don't give her any letter at this stage.
Hi, I was in a relationship for two years with my girlfriend (yes, we are both girls). I broke up in a period in life where I was depressed caused by economics, lack of work and waiting for some biopsy-result from the hospital.
I thought of her best interests, and concluded that she would be better without me. She had a mom who had cancer and I didn't want my girl to go through the same prosess with me if it turned out to be cancer.
She wanted me back but I was to proud to admit that I was mistaken and builded a wall and convinced myself that I had no feelings left.
That wall fell to the ground when she told me she will gather her things she has in my apartment, cut every type of contact for ever and she has someone new. It has turned out that it is her new girl who has demanded that she has to cut the contact.
what do I do?
She cried with me when she told me that she wanted to cut the contact. But now she has already cut the contact so I can't explain the real reason for the breakup (I didn't give her the hole truth for the breakup in desember).
I have wrote a letter I plan to give her witch explains the real reason for the breakup and my love for her.
I'm a fright the ship has sailed..
I have read your tips and such, but I'm not sure this is a rebound for her or if this is it.
She said something about that she needed a fresh start.
Is it to late? Is it a rebound? Should I give her the letter where I explain the whole reason or respect the "no, contact"?
(Sorry for any spelling or word mistakes. English is not my native language. )
It's probably a rebound. You should give her the letter.
It's probably a rebound. You should give her the letter.
Sorry forgot to give our ages. Im 44 and he is 41.
Hey kevin
Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. I broke up with him because after a minor fight that we had, he said his feelings for me faded. He said that he felt that he is not dating material or a good boyfriend. He also said that he'd rather be friends, so I left. So now we're "friends", yesterday we met up to study together ...long story short, he kissed me and said he'd rather have a friends-with-benefits relationship because he doesn't want either of us to get hurt.
I don't know what to do...when we talk, I always have to start the conversation n that makes me feel like I'm annoying him.
We were dating for 3 months, I know its a short time but I really fell for him. And now I want him back. Does he have feelings for me?
Don't go for the friends with benefit thing. You will just end more heartbroken. Follow the 5 step plan. Yes, he does have feelings for you.
Don't go for the friends with benefit thing. You will just end more heartbroken. Follow the 5 step plan. Yes, he does have feelings for you.
My boyfriend of almost 5 months broke up with me Sunday morning after he found a screenshot of a guy I met in vegas texting me. He broke into my phone while i was sleeping in his bed, after we had a great night on a double date, and looked through thousands of my pics to try to find something incriminating obviously. He then proceeded to wake me up screaming at 6:30 am and kick me out of his bed and drive me home, all the while screaming at me and trying to verbally break me down. I didn't do anything with the guy from vegas and he knew I had a boyfriend bc I told him and the people he was with. My bf thinks I cheated on him but I would've never done that. I have always been extremely loyal, loving, and faithful to him and dedicated all of my time to him. Our relationship has been rocky at times but we have always managed to work through our fights and stay together, because our love is so stong. We spent almost everyday together since November, talking all day about anything and everything, and everyone around us always said how adorable and lovey dovey we were, and how we looked so happy. It's been 3 days and I already miss him so much. I tried going to his house with a handwritten love letter but he didn't answer the door for me, and I know he was home. He hasn't answered a single phone call or text, and he unfollowed me on Instagram and deleted all our pics together. He told me in our last convo on Sunday that there was no chance of us ever getting back together and that I've hurt him more than anyone ever has. I haven't contacted him since right after I left his house on Monday, to say that he should just rip up the letter because it didn't mean anything anymore. This was after I rang his bell 10 times, called about 5, and texted him a dozen messages that I was outside. No response. What should I do?! I feel like a part of me is gone, but I know that he treated me in humanely on Sunday and is completely unreasonable and hardheaded. He wouldn't even let me explain.
What he did was pretty shitty in my opinion. I think you should apply no contact for at least three months.
What he did was pretty shitty in my opinion. I think you should apply no contact for at least three months.
Kevin, I have been with my man 2 1/2 years, we were first friends (sort of, i always was into him so it never felt like just friends) and we ended up falling in love and getting together. lately he's been under a lot of pressure from a lot of outer sources and has said before sometimes he doesn't feel like he can balance our relationship AND everything else in his life without it killing him from stress, so i have tried to give him space and now he broke up with me 6 days ago and is saying he still loves me BUT he doesnt want a relationship right now and if he does date it will be me, and he wants to be "friends" to which i already told him no i cant be friends because i cant be strung along, and he was my first (EVERYTHING! kiss, love, lovER, everything) so that thinking we can just be friends while im still in love is just not possible. idk what to do, is there any hope?
Yes, there's hope. Give him some more space and follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, there's hope. Give him some more space and follow the 5 step plan.
i have a girl whom i have dated for seven months now.we broke last week after knowing she is in another relationship with a man she works with.she has worked there for three months now and i bet they have not dated for long.she tried to text me but i never replied to her.am now confused coz i don know how i can win her heart back an if i stay for long without contacting her she will leave me for good in favour of that man.please advice?
You should contact her after no contact is over. Her relationship is probably a rebound and it won't last long, even if you don't contact her for long time.
You should contact her after no contact is over. Her relationship is probably a rebound and it won't last long, even if you don't contact her for long time.
Hello Kevin,
Thanks for the wonderful advice! It is helping in my time of need of being lost. My ex-boyfriend and I are both 19 and have been together for a year and a half. We broke up due to him having issues with my past. I am the only girl he has ever been with where has I have a bit of a past before him. He would get drunk and degrade me for it. He also is a bit lost in his life having dropped out of school almost a year ago. He said he'd go back this fall, but he works. He really tends to be much into alcohol and his friends. I do want him back because I was the one good thing to get that to slow down and help guide him. He has told me I was the first person he likes to run to. Except now he's saying even if he wanted me back, he just couldn't. He told me only time will tell and he isn't sure. He has no motivation for anything anymore. I asked him if I should move on and he said that's for me to decide. I can if I want. I asked what about him. He said he doesn't want to, but he can if he wants. We are both free to do whatever we want.
Do you think I have a chance. I am trying to keep faith, but it seems like he doesn't care.
You do have a chance. But you shouldn't try to get him back because the same issues will arise if you do get him back. You should apply no contact for at least 2-3 months.
You do have a chance. But you shouldn't try to get him back because the same issues will arise if you do get him back. You should apply no contact for at least 2-3 months.
My ex and I broke up about a week ago and his friends were telling him that he would dumb to let me go because I'm the best thing that has even happended to him. After that he started texting me and telling me he hates me and is happy we aren't together. Atter that I stopped asking his text and phone calls and have gone 4 days not replying to his messages. This is killing me slowly, how did he go from loving me to hating me?
Love and hate are not the opposites. If he hates you, it means he still has feelings for you.
What should I do, we live together and he left me a voice mail that he is picking up his things on Saturday, I took a trip to get away from the pain, which you already know isn't working. I won't be back until Monday, should I cut my trip short? I left all of my things, will he take it? I'm so stressed out, not answering his calls or text messages is killing me. I'm panicking
Answer him. But only keep the conversation about the things. Don't cut your trip short just for him.
Answer him. But only keep the conversation about the things. Don't cut your trip short just for him.
Answer him. But only keep the conversation about the things. Don't cut your trip short just for him.
Answer him. But only keep the conversation about the things. Don't cut your trip short just for him.
What should I do, we live together and he left me a voice mail that he is picking up his things on Saturday, I took a trip to get away from the pain, which you already know isn't working. I won't be back until Monday, should I cut my trip short? I left all of my things, will he take it? I'm so stressed out, not answering his calls or text messages is killing me. I'm panicking
What should I do, we live together and he left me a voice mail that he is picking up his things on Saturday, I took a trip to get away from the pain, which you already know isn't working. I won't be back until Monday, should I cut my trip short? I left all of my things, will he take it? I'm so stressed out, not answering his calls or text messages is killing me. I'm panicking
Love and hate are not the opposites. If he hates you, it means he still has feelings for you.
Ok, my situation has been similar to a lot of people here. My relationship literally ended last night. Its been a back n forth 10 months. A lot of her reasons for this have been to an extent justifiable as this was the first time she had ever had a relationship with another woman, that aside though, it still caused me pain each time she had a meltdown and finished with me. But this is were her justifiable behaviour ends.
Anything and everything was always more important than making time to spend with me. She would say she was too tired or the kids were playing up and putting her in a bad mood, and yet she would message me constantly all night anyway. On occasions were she would have a child free evening or weekend, she would make arrangements to go out with friends but never me, but insist on asking my opinion on what to wear, then message me throughout the night then want a booty call when she got home. I got to the point were I told her I wasn't interested in what she wore for nights out that didn't involve me. So it went on.
On one of her meltdowns, and finishing me episodes, we talked it through for days until we got back together. On this occasion I told her that if she did this to me again there would be no contact ever, we would not be friends (which she always said she wanted if we were not together). This shocked her, and the next few months were fantastic until she started planning her birthday party and began to have less and less contact with me. She then said that once the party was over she would a month later want a holiday........yep without me. I got upset and tried to talk about my frustrations at being not considered and not valued. Her reaction being to treat me with increasing indifference. Her messages became less and less frequent, she would never want to see me until I straight out and said "do you actually love me anymore?" Her response being, "I dunno", " maybe I don't feel the same", "My head is up my arse".."but can we be friends?" To which I said no, explained my reasons, said goodbye, and deleted her from social networks and instant messaging. I fully intend to implement NO CONTACT!! How do you think she will react?
Many thanks
ally
Hey Ally,
It's good that you started no contact. I think she will start contacting you after a while when she misses you and she might even promise to change just to have you back. But don't give in so easily this time. Take your time with no contact and only get back with her if you are absolutely sure she will change for good.
Hey Ally,
It's good that you started no contact. I think she will start contacting you after a while when she misses you and she might even promise to change just to have you back. But don't give in so easily this time. Take your time with no contact and only get back with her if you are absolutely sure she will change for good.
Hi Kevin,
Firstly can I say, what a great site! I do have a query though.
My partner broke up with me two months ago (we were together for 3 years), when we broke up, I did most of the deadly mistakes! He said he still wants to be friends, and that if we were to try again, we would be starting from friends. We still messaged each other every day, only as friends, and he would ignore me if I talked in depth. (So, I havnt had a period of no contact.)
He told me he is sleeping with someone else, after I asked, two weeks ago. I retaliated with I am on dating websites. He got angry that I was going to "look for someone", as opposed to with him it "just happened."
We met for lunch, as friends, and I was hoping to reconnect, we did, and the lunch went great. He said he really wants me as a friend, and doesn't want me to leave his life. I said it would be hard, knowing he is sleeping with someone else, but he refused to stop if we were to be friends, as doesn't know what will happen between us.
I came home upset, and deleted him from social networking sites, and have started the no contact phase. I am now worried he will think I am moving on, and I have pushed him away further.
I do not know what to do in this situation. Should I have carried on with our friendly meetings, as it went well? By me now not contacting and deleting him, have I made things worse, as he will carry on sleeping with this person? It just hurt too much to carry on being friendly, even though he said he wants it, and would hate it if I cut him out. I don't know if I am hopeful, but it seems he doesn't want me to move on and he is in rebound.
I am stuck between deciding between choosing to carry on no contact or go back to being friendly with him for reconnection, and how I fix what has happened!
Kind Regards
You should definitely do no contact. You need some time to clear your head and realize whether or not he is worth it.
Thanks Kevin!
I read your page "5 signs your ex wants you back", and realised that on our friendly meeting, we laughed and joked about how things went wrong, which is a sign, as well as smiling at good memories, as well as him not being happy at my suggestion of moving on (although he is), which is why I wasn't sure wether to carry on being friendly to reconnect (although difficult for me.) I however did not reward this behaviour, and went mad deleting him.
Still do no contact you think? Also, should I re-add him on facebook, to give him the message I still want him in my life, and also it was a mistake to delete him (rewarding behaviour)?
Thanks for your time by the way, I know you get loads of comments, and you must tire of people asking the same things again and again! I appreciate your top relationship advice skills and patience!
If you haven't done no contact till now, then you should do it. I think doing something out of anger, is always a bad thing. It makes you look weak and unstable. But what's done is done. You can add him after no contact is over.
If you haven't done no contact till now, then you should do it. I think doing something out of anger, is always a bad thing. It makes you look weak and unstable. But what's done is done. You can add him after no contact is over.
If you haven't done no contact till now, then you should do it. I think doing something out of anger, is always a bad thing. It makes you look weak and unstable. But what's done is done. You can add him after no contact is over.
If you haven't done no contact till now, then you should do it. I think doing something out of anger, is always a bad thing. It makes you look weak and unstable. But what's done is done. You can add him after no contact is over.
Thanks Kevin!
I read your page "5 signs your ex wants you back", and realised that on our friendly meeting, we laughed and joked about how things went wrong, which is a sign, as well as smiling at good memories, as well as him not being happy at my suggestion of moving on (although he is), which is why I wasn't sure wether to carry on being friendly to reconnect (although difficult for me.) I however did not reward this behaviour, and went mad deleting him.
Still do no contact you think? Also, should I re-add him on facebook, to give him the message I still want him in my life, and also it was a mistake to delete him (rewarding behaviour)?
Thanks for your time by the way, I know you get loads of comments, and you must tire of people asking the same things again and again! I appreciate your top relationship advice skills and patience!
Thanks Kevin!
I read your page "5 signs your ex wants you back", and realised that on our friendly meeting, we laughed and joked about how things went wrong, which is a sign, as well as smiling at good memories, as well as him not being happy at my suggestion of moving on (although he is), which is why I wasn't sure wether to carry on being friendly to reconnect (although difficult for me.) I however did not reward this behaviour, and went mad deleting him.
Still do no contact you think? Also, should I re-add him on facebook, to give him the message I still want him in my life, and also it was a mistake to delete him (rewarding behaviour)?
Thanks for your time by the way, I know you get loads of comments, and you must tire of people asking the same things again and again! I appreciate your top relationship advice skills and patience!
You should definitely do no contact. You need some time to clear your head and realize whether or not he is worth it.
Kevin,
My boyfriend and I were together for nearly 5 years. We had a close relationship and I had a good relationship with his family. They all thought we would eventually get married. He dumped me 6 days ago on facebook chat. He changed his status to single write away on facebook. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me to my face. He said he didn’t love me anymore. When we were discussing this I asked if we were still friends at least? He didn’t respond, but then the next day he randomly messaged me and said that yes we can still be friends. I did not respond to this and will not be contacting him even though I feel like I didn’t get a whole lot of closure as I didn’t speak with him face to face. I was beginning to accept this but then 4 days after he broke up with me he changed his status on facebook to 'in an open relationship'! Does that mean he has already started seeing someone else?? I have looked at his facebook and he still has photo albums up with me in them. I don't understand how he could just have met someone else already especially as he works like crazy and his parents hadn't even been aware that we had broken up until I told them. Even though it's making me nuts I haven't contacted him to ask if he's seeing someone else. I haven't said anything to him since the break up.
I'm so glad you ignored him if he loves you he will beg for you .
I went through similar situation my partner at the time left me basically to be with someone else he recently phoned saying he wanted to marry me at the same time he was trying to get rid of her it hurt me I couldn't stop brining it up but lately I have stoped begging him or calling him for I shouldn't have to be brave I also joined the gym which help .
It's possible that he is seeing someone else. You are doing the right thing with no contact. If he starts calling you constantly, let him know you need some space and time to deal with the breakup.
I'm so glad you ignored him if he loves you he will beg for you .
I went through similar situation my partner at the time left me basically to be with someone else he recently phoned saying he wanted to marry me at the same time he was trying to get rid of her it hurt me I couldn't stop brining it up but lately I have stoped begging him or calling him for I shouldn't have to be brave I also joined the gym which help .
It's possible that he is seeing someone else. You are doing the right thing with no contact. If he starts calling you constantly, let him know you need some space and time to deal with the breakup.
Hello,
I'll keep this as short as possible. I'm 28, and he's almost 36. We dated for about seven months. He told me a couple of months ago that he was too busy trying to pass his classes, and that he wanted to be friends, etc. because of that. I wrote him a lengthy message explaining that I didn't want to take up his time, that I always tried to help, that I didn't expect him to spend all his time on me, etc. By that night, we were talking like a couple again, and I thought everything was okay again.
Last week he pulled the same thing...let's be friends because of school. I didn't write another long message-- just a short one explaining that I'd missed him. After that, he said he missed me too, xoxo, etc. I feel like he WANTS to date me, but that he feels like I'll distract him. I'm wondering if NC would be best, or if it would be better for me to send a letter (or something) explaining things then just saying que sera, sera. It wouldn't be a sappy letter or begging. I just feel like we break up, then we keep on talking like we are a couple. I'm not sure what's happening except that he wants to date me but feels like he can't. I don't know what to do, but I want him back, even if that means we have to see each other less for a while or be creative. (I'm in school too...was in the same program as he is, and I know how it can be.)
Thanks for any advice/insight.
I think a little no contact will make him miss you and it might make him rethink his decision.
I think a little no contact will make him miss you and it might make him rethink his decision.
Hello Kevin, I was wondering in the no contact rule is it better to leave her last messages she sent me on the read or unread setting, on facebook messages and chats like that?
Both of them are OK. If you read it, and then you mark it as unread, then she will probably understand that you did it. When an ex sends you a message, they are constantly checking whether you read it or not. And as soon as you read it, it will show on her facebook. Marking it as unread after that will probably be in vain.
Both of them are OK. If you read it, and then you mark it as unread, then she will probably understand that you did it. When an ex sends you a message, they are constantly checking whether you read it or not. And as soon as you read it, it will show on her facebook. Marking it as unread after that will probably be in vain.
Me and this girl went out for 3 years i broke up with her cause i wanted to flirt with other girls my fuck up, now its been 9 month we still talk here and there , she still cares about me and i love her , in. school she talking to this kid , for like 6 month i know she cares for me alot , she has called me drunk saying she loves me and that kid is just a kid to talk to today i texted her being needy and she was being cold , i'm planning to do the no talk rule , i know she can't be without me please Kevin , what should i do i'm truly inlove help please
You already know what to do Robert. Start no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
You already know what to do Robert. Start no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I had a great guy but couldn't get past my ex so I broke up with him. He was hurt and started seeing someone else. I did everything wrong, stalking, fighting, begging, and forced him to get back with me. We were planning on moving together, but I found out he was still spending time with the other woman. I broke up with him and again did so many things wrong, including harassing the other woman. He moved, I didn't. I believe he still cares for me, says I'm the love of his life, but I think he is scared of me and thinks of me as desperate/ needy. How do I handle this if he isn't even in the same city? I want him back.
Hey,
You should still apply no contact and get back in touch with him after one or two months. When you get back in touch with him, make sure you're no longer desperate or needy and he will notice the change in you.
Hey,
You should still apply no contact and get back in touch with him after one or two months. When you get back in touch with him, make sure you're no longer desperate or needy and he will notice the change in you.
I really need some advice
My boyfriend broke up with me last night saying it doesn't feel the same anymore
I have made some mistakes you have signed to but I don't want to look desperate anymore
I get to see him every day we have to same classes I really need your help
I posted a comment on April 28th and I haven't gotten a response yet. Please help me.
Thanks
Things are really tuff for me right now and I could really use your help. Please get back to me.
Thanks,
Jake
Sorry for the late reply Jake. Somehow I missed your comment. I've replied to you here.
Thank you. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jake
Thank you. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jake
Thank you. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jake
Thank you. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jake
Sorry for the late reply Jake. Somehow I missed your comment. I've replied to you here.
Sorry for the late reply Jake. Somehow I missed your comment. I've replied to you here.
Things are really tuff for me right now and I could really use your help. Please get back to me.
Thanks,
Jake
I had a long distance relationship, and at first my boyfriend broke up with me. I accepted that, altough it was very hard for me.. A month after the first break-up, we saw each other in our hometown and we got back together. He told me that he regretted breaking up with me, that he missed me,loved me, and I missed him too really, but a few days later I had to leave back to college and that meant not seeing him again. After a month I then broke up with him. A few days later, I realized I made a mistake but he said that I'm indecisive, I can't keep playing with it and we didn't get back together. Around those days he started putting some songs on facebook, statuses alluring that he has someone else, like he already fell in love, but I felt like he didn't, that it was just a game.. After a while I deleted him accidentaly off from facebook, I added him and apologized, but he didn't believe that it was by the mistake and told me, like he was angry,''How can you delete someone accidentaly?'' He then accepted my friend request, but we didn't talk anymore. I saw something on his profile then, got me pissed and I deleted him, him and all of his friends then. I didn't see him since that time we got back together until last night, and I don't know if he had seen me, but he didn't say hi. I felt like he was ignoring me. I don't know what to think, I know I made some bad decisions, but I think that he is pissed now and I don't know what to do.
You should red the 5 step plan and follow it.
You should red the 5 step plan and follow it.
hey Kevin, i dated him and we broke up after a week. we got back the next week and we dated for four weeks in total. After 4 weeks he suggested we break up. We did and ever since then i kept no contact until now. its been 5 days since the break up. he only tried calling once and i didnt answer.
Is there hope that if i follow the plan he can come back to me? This guy has been in a 2years relationship with someone else before we met. was i a rebound relationship?
It's possible you were a rebound. I don't think it's worth trying to get him back. But if you do decide to pursue him, make sure you just try it once and if it doesn't work, you should consider moving on.
It's possible you were a rebound. I don't think it's worth trying to get him back. But if you do decide to pursue him, make sure you just try it once and if it doesn't work, you should consider moving on.
Hi Kevin
I was with her for 12 months and everything was perfect then just after xmas her estranged husband put pressure on her to end it with me and get back with him (he has a financial hold over her) She then went through a series of bad events, job loss, family death, ill health etc. I tried to support her but she kept going through periods on not contacting me for a few days. She then ended the relationship saying she still loved me and in an ideal world wants to spend the rest of her life with me but that it wasnt an ideal world and she didnt want to hurt me anymore. I crumbled and took her flowers a couple of days later and we got back together. She made me promise to be strong and always fight for her if she started to go under again. We had a good couple of weeks then she ended it again saying she needed to find herself. I accepted this and felt ok about it then she texted me and said she didn't want it to be over and could we call it a break. I agreed but then she arranged to meet up and we spent some nights together before she started ignoring me or saying she was too busy to see me. I made the mistake of keep asking her to see me until she turned round and said She was sorry but shes got too much to think about and doesn't have time for me (her estranged apparently issued divorce proceedings) I said I understood. I sent her a couple of texts over the next two weeks which she ignored.
Following a chat on line with a mutual friend I got a text from her a few days ago saying I should "move on" We still have keys for each others house and I have some of her clothes.
Any Thoughts please?
Hey Nigel,
She is going through a lot and you should give her time and space. Apply no contact for 2 months and contact her after that.
Hey Nigel,
She is going through a lot and you should give her time and space. Apply no contact for 2 months and contact her after that.
Dating for 2+ years. I've lied to her a few times over little things. Not proud of it. I know a lie is a lie.We were Trying to work things out. Now she's saying her feelings are numb. She's been hurt so many times it doesn't even phase her anymore. I do nice things for her like, write her a nice letter and leave notes and since she's feeling so numb it didn't even give her any emotion. It's all about the trust thing. I've been changing and doing the right thing. She says that she doesn't know if this is how she really feels or it's just how she feels right now. She wants to take things slow and see. I guess it's like she wants to be in a relationship with me but since she doesn't trust me it's too hard for her. She said that all the nice things I've done, was only because she told me she liked those things. She doesn't think they're genuine. I meant everything I did from love notes to random I love you phone calls. What should I do? I know it's on her and I'm always just going to be truthful from now on. I want to continue to do nice things to show her I really mean them. What do you guys think? Please help
You should apply no contact Justin. IF you keep making these gestures right now, she will just think that you are doing it to get her back. You need to let it be her idea to get back together. Follow the plan.
You should apply no contact Justin. IF you keep making these gestures right now, she will just think that you are doing it to get her back. You need to let it be her idea to get back together. Follow the plan.
Hey kevin
Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. I broke up with him because after a minor fight that we had, he said his feelings for me faded. He said that he felt that he is not dating material or a good boyfriend. He also said that he'd rather be friends, so I left.So now we're "friends", yesterday we met up to study together (which was our "thing" as a couple)...long story short, he kissed me and said he'd rather have a friends-with-benefits relationship because he doesn't want either of us to get hurt....when we talk, I always have to start the conversation n that makes me feel like I'm annoying him.
We were dating for 3 months, I know its a short time but I really fell for him. And now I want him back. Should I do the NC rule? Won't he forget about me?
I replied to your other comment here.
I replied to your other comment here.
Kevin, please help!
My ex and I of a year and a half broke up 6 weeks ago. We're still friends on Facebook and he still has all our pictures and my posts up. I've been posting positive things, he's posted nothing. I had a successful text on Easter which he responded positively to but we have had no contact since. Just yesterday though I saw he created an online dating profile on the site we actually met on originally. He even used pictures from our relationship including ones from our trip to Peru together, a wedding we went to where my arm is in the picture next to him and even one from our anniversary! Why would he do this? Is he trying to hurt me? Do I still have a chance with him? I'm so confused. Please help!
Btw, his reasoning for the breakup was "I really love you and this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but when people ask if we're getting married, sometimes I see it and sometimes a can't and when I think if you're the 'end all, be all' I have a gut feeling something isn't right". He was teary eyed when he was saying this (though he hasn't cried in over 7 years) and when I was leaving he asked to walk me to my car but I turned him down and walked away. I also went 28 days of no contact before that Easter text.
Hey Brenda,
You shouldn't be obsessing over what he does online. It's possible that he is looking to start dating again. He has all the right in the world to start dating again. So do you. You should not let it bother you. Even if he does date someone, it doesn't mean he will start a relationship with her. Even if he does start a relationship with someone, it'll probably be a rebound. You should stick to the plan.
Hey Brenda,
You shouldn't be obsessing over what he does online. It's possible that he is looking to start dating again. He has all the right in the world to start dating again. So do you. You should not let it bother you. Even if he does date someone, it doesn't mean he will start a relationship with her. Even if he does start a relationship with someone, it'll probably be a rebound. You should stick to the plan.
Hey Brenda,
You shouldn't be obsessing over what he does online. It's possible that he is looking to start dating again. He has all the right in the world to start dating again. So do you. You should not let it bother you. Even if he does date someone, it doesn't mean he will start a relationship with her. Even if he does start a relationship with someone, it'll probably be a rebound. You should stick to the plan.
Btw, his reasoning for the breakup was "I really love you and this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but when people ask if we're getting married, sometimes I see it and sometimes a can't and when I think if you're the 'end all, be all' I have a gut feeling something isn't right". He was teary eyed when he was saying this (though he hasn't cried in over 7 years) and when I was leaving he asked to walk me to my car but I turned him down and walked away. I also went 28 days of no contact before that Easter text.
Kevin I made it is no contact even though I was no wait a little longer before contacting her. I was going to wait longer before contacting her but I felt something on TV that made me want to ask her how her family was door. She replied quickly that her family was okay and she said thank you for asking. Then she replied and asked me how my new job is going. So I stayed positive and even told a little joke within the conversation to make her laugh. She replied back and the conversation short and sweet and I felt pretty good about myself. She even asked me a question later on in the day when she could've asked my sister but that conversation with also short. I guess what I'm getting at here is she texting me because she misses me or is she texting me because she's relieved that I'm not mad at her because during the no contact rule we have a phone bill together and when she tried to contact me I wasn't short but I was distant and played it cool. I know it sounds silly but these baby steps are hard to do but I know it needs to be done if I'm going to get her back. Anyway thanks for your help and believe it or not I have gained some confidence back in myself.
okay so i failed at the no contact:/ but I want to try again! I knew I was going to see my ex at a music festival we were supposed to go to together before we broke up and I texted him before. He said he missed me and was excited to see me. We only hung out for a bit before my friend grabbed my hand and we ditched him and her ex that he was with. When we were with them he acted happy to see me, telling me I looked pretty, wanting to hug me and hold my hand. He also texted me later that night annoyed i had left without saying anything. He must still care about me right? The festival was this past weekend. Should I start no contact for another 30 days??
Yes, he does care for you. Yes, you should tart no contact again.
Yes, he does care for you. Yes, you should tart no contact again.
Hi Kevin :( I need your advice desperately. I've been with my ex boyfriend for 2 years. He broke up with me because he claimed I treated him bad because I would rebel against his insecurities and neediness. We were both frustrated a lot at the time. But I still love him so much and willing to make it work with him. I knew he loved me even more when we were together. We broke up 6 months ago and decided to be friends. Our friendship has gone up and down just like when we were in a relationship. We also work together and I see him a couple times in the office. Most recently couple days ago, we finished our shifts at the same time and spent the rest of the day with each other on two different occasions. It was so comfortable and fun. We laughed, we shopped, we ate dinner, saw a movie, he even held my hand and rubbed my back a few times out the day. We talk about everything and anything. He even tells me he's working out, and try's to show off his new car to me. We are on real good terms right now. Thing is. I've been at home on my days off work right now and he hasn't contacted me at all. He's disappeared. It's been three days. Why? He's usually the first one to contact me. I'm going crazy thinking he's with another woman and that he does not feel for me anymore, he was just being nice. What should I do Kevin??? Please help me get him back.
Hey Angela,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it. You'll have to learn to be happy without him in your life.
Hey Angela,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it. You'll have to learn to be happy without him in your life.
so me and my ex we've lived together for 3 years and then i moved to another country, after i moved we stopped talking for about 4 months and she came back so i gave in and we got back together and decided to have a "long distance relationship" its been a year now and i saw her in december (everything was perfect) but now its may and its happening all over again, shes left me once again and keeps saying "its not you its me, im emotionally exhausted" and telling me that i didnt know how to love her, we made plans that this summer shed move to europe and we'd finally be together! her family cant stand me but we never let that get in the way of anything... Shes in a dark place in her life and i just want to be there for her? This entire year since we got back together ive done nothing but try and perfect myself and adjust myself to her needs and be whatever she needs me to be... how could she just up and leave me like that after we were 2months away from finally getting to be together? I'm her first love and real relationship. what if she's realizing I'm no good for her? I've proved that id do it all for her. Why is she doing this to me all over again after she came back. What do i do?
We had plans to marry. My attatchment to her grew because after my father passed away she took care of me, she's been my guardian angel and i cant lose her. Please help me find out what to do Kev.!
Much love from Denmark x
You should follow the plan Madox. I think you became a little needy and doormat during the relationship which made her attraction fade away.
you think ive got a chance again after the no contact?
Yes.
hey man, i just wanna say thank you. I think your doing a great job giving out advice and your one of the few that actually interact with your readers!
It's good to see people like you out there willing to put time into helping others!
Peace love and prosperity!
Thanks for the comment and the kind words madox. Cheers!
Thanks for the comment and the kind words madox. Cheers!
Thanks for the comment and the kind words madox. Cheers!
Thanks for the comment and the kind words madox. Cheers!
Thanks for the comment and the kind words madox. Cheers!
Thanks for the comment and the kind words madox. Cheers!
hey man, i just wanna say thank you. I think your doing a great job giving out advice and your one of the few that actually interact with your readers!
It's good to see people like you out there willing to put time into helping others!
Peace love and prosperity!
hey man, i just wanna say thank you. I think your doing a great job giving out advice and your one of the few that actually interact with your readers!
It's good to see people like you out there willing to put time into helping others!
Peace love and prosperity!
hey man, i just wanna say thank you. I think your doing a great job giving out advice and your one of the few that actually interact with your readers!
It's good to see people like you out there willing to put time into helping others!
Peace love and prosperity!
hey man, i just wanna say thank you. I think your doing a great job giving out advice and your one of the few that actually interact with your readers!
It's good to see people like you out there willing to put time into helping others!
Peace love and prosperity!
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
you think ive got a chance again after the no contact?
you think ive got a chance again after the no contact?
adding to my coment i recently gave her 2weeks space because she had an upcoming wedding but now the wedding is over and the minute we started talking again it was full of frustrations and anger between the two of us.
You should start no contact again.
You should start no contact again.
You should start no contact again.
You should follow the plan Madox. I think you became a little needy and doormat during the relationship which made her attraction fade away.
adding to my coment i recently gave her 2weeks space because she had an upcoming wedding but now the wedding is over and the minute we started talking again it was full of frustrations and anger between the two of us.
Hi Kevin,
So since I rushed with the whole dog walk thing, things have moved along. I've gotten a job, bought some clothes, gone out with friends. Don't know if in the right direction, but nevertheless. I brought our dog to her grandmother's house where she lives. We had coffee, that was supposed to last for 20 min but ran for almost an hour. We talked about everything but "us". I was the one who had to break off actually, and she walked with me for quite a bit before turning around and go back. It was nice. I had agreed to stay with our dog the day after, but I wasn't able to due to a one time request from my sister. When I told her that, she got a bit cold. Morning after our dog went to the hospital to undergo surgery due to having inhaled something. She didn't tell me right away, and I only found out later. I was disappointed with her but then when we were at the hospital to pick our dog up, I asked her to tell me next time. She admitted to being angry with me because I had failed the responsibility I had set out to. I said sorry, she said sorry for not saying anything. She has also failed on occasion, setting pick ups at X time and only arriving an hour or two later. Last time I told her that once more she had preferred silence to telling me the actual hour of the day she would pick up our dog. That I only asked respect from her, something she wasn't doing. She apologized and said I was right and came to meet me. She sat down and drank coffee (I didn't ask her to), told me about what she has been doing and asked me the same. We were there for about an hour, and it was nice. While telling me a story about a dog rescue, she grabbed my hand to touch a moskito bite in her hand. Later she cuddled my arm for a bit to simulate what she did to the animal.
Other day later I met her at the docks to pick up our dog, and she was there with friends. I stayed for a coffee and beer, it was very nice and I caught her staring at me from time to time. She paid me attention, and at the end she paid for everybody's expense, including mine. I was a bit uncomfortable and one of her friends said I would pay the next time around. That day I met her with new clothes on, and she instantly noticed and mentioned it. She seems to like them. Asked me if I would like to see one of the dogs we helped from the shelter, because his owners where going to bring him for her to see. I said yes. Yesterday I went out, and she also went out. She had told me she was going to, and the places where she usually goes. I told her that if she wanted, she could tell me where she was. She didn't, and I didn't ask. At 5.Am she sent me a message reminding me of seeing the dog we helped from the shelter. I showed up and later talked about what we did the night before. She asked me to keep our dog for the later part of the day, because she was going shopping for clothes. It's curious that she decided to get new clothes 48 hours after seeing me with new clothes. Anyway, she came to pick up our dog at night. I had noticed that it's only the odd time that she kisses me in the cheek. The other times she just touches cheek with cheek. I was playful and asked her why I didn't merit a kiss on the cheek, and she said she usually doesn't kiss anybody on the cheek. Then she kissed me on the cheek, and vice versa. She smiled at me, blushing a bit.
One thing that really hurt me though, was that I noticed that she put a like on her exe's (one before me, from like 6 years ago). It was a selfie on some car, and he says "Waiting is a virtue". This guy is actually an asshole that treated her wrong, and she knows what I feel about him. This guy has been putting like after like on every fucking thing she puts on Facebook. I have kept my cool though and haven't asked her anything about it. From what I know there's nothing going on and they haven't been together. But I'm not the all seeing eye. I think essentially he's smelling blood in the water and is trying to make juice out of it. But it hurts that she would give this piece of shit any attention honestly.
Part of me wants to believe that it's just bait. A couple of girls have suddenly started putting like on every photo I put on facebook. Maybe she got jealous and tried to hit back a bit? Hell I fucking wish.
Help me out Kevin, the complexity of the chain of events has been going up. I'm starting to doubt myself a bit, maybe because I'm too eager or too stung by the facebook stuff. I don't ever show it to her, but honestly Kevin I'm feeling a bit nervous again. I talk a good game, but I think about this leading nowhere and my heart twists a bit more.
What do I do? Thanks Kevin, you've been a real source of motivation.
Don't lose your cool. If you become needy, you'll push her further away. Keep doing what you've been doing and take things slowly.
Thank you brother.
Thank you brother.
Thank you brother.
She put a like on a facebook picture from a rapper. A letter written by unknown to his gf/wife.
"If one day I marry... I would prepare a box! It would have the date of our marriage written on the side of it.
Inside the box we would put a bottle of wine from the year we started dating, and two sealed love letters, where we would write the reasons why we fell in love.
If one day things get too tough, and our love weakens, we would open the bottle. We would drink the win and read the letters we wrote.
This way we would remember how much our love means, and that we should never give up on it."
Now granted we didn't get married, and we didn't put a bottle of wine inside of the box. But we do have a red box, where we put some things we wrote and kept some memories. I put the box in one of the bags that she took with her. I also put a t-shirt of mine that she loved to wear. Anyways, what the hell am I supposed to take from her putting a like on a letter that is all about not giving up on love. I thought about putting a like on it too, but I didn't. Don't know if I should...
Don't obsess over her facebook activities. It defeats the purpose of no contact.
Don't obsess over her facebook activities. It defeats the purpose of no contact.
Don't obsess over her facebook activities. It defeats the purpose of no contact.
Don't lose your cool. If you become needy, you'll push her further away. Keep doing what you've been doing and take things slowly.
She put a like on a facebook picture from a rapper. A letter written by unknown to his gf/wife.
"If one day I marry... I would prepare a box! It would have the date of our marriage written on the side of it.
Inside the box we would put a bottle of wine from the year we started dating, and two sealed love letters, where we would write the reasons why we fell in love.
If one day things get too tough, and our love weakens, we would open the bottle. We would drink the win and read the letters we wrote.
This way we would remember how much our love means, and that we should never give up on it."
Now granted we didn't get married, and we didn't put a bottle of wine inside of the box. But we do have a red box, where we put some things we wrote and kept some memories. I put the box in one of the bags that she took with her. I also put a t-shirt of mine that she loved to wear. Anyways, what the hell am I supposed to take from her putting a like on a letter that is all about not giving up on love. I thought about putting a like on it too, but I didn't. Don't know if I should...
Hey Kevin,
I'm doing everything you said. However, I did text her only three times today. Each of them was a reply. Like I said before, I have to see her this weekend because of her child's birthday. All I said in the text messages was a few sentences saying if you need help setting up, let me know. That's basically it. She seemed kind of cold and a little confused as I have not really been talking, texting, or commenting on any of her online stuff. I have been trying to do NC but, as I said before, I broke it today and will most likely will have to break it tomorrow and Saturday. After that, however, I will begin NC again for about a month. So now my question is...what do I do when I see her this weekend? I've been trying to not say anything to her or keep the talks short and sweet. But I would really love your advice on what to do this weekend. Thank you for helping me through this hell, Kevin. You've been a real help.
Hey,
Just be friendly but don't talk about anything related to the relationship or breakup. Be upbeat and have a good time. Don't try to flirt with her or get close to her.
Hey,
Just be friendly but don't talk about anything related to the relationship or breakup. Be upbeat and have a good time. Don't try to flirt with her or get close to her.
hi Kevin ,
I have started NC for 2 weeks . My ex started to text me 'How are you?' a few days ago , but i ignored him. A few days later ,he texts me 'HI' .Should i reply him telling i m good or just ignore him until i finish the NC period ?What should i do ?
Continue no contact. If he keeps on texting, tell him you need some space and time right now.
Continue no contact. If he keeps on texting, tell him you need some space and time right now.
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago because he said that he cant trust me since I went to a party without him and a girl made up a story that I flirted with an ex of mine. He told me that he still loves me and that he still wants to be with me but he feels that it was the right thing to do. I didn't talk to him after he left my house but then the next night he texted me saying he missed me. I didnt see it until the next morning and it was already too late, he got control of his emotions. I broke some deadly rules and then gained composure and spoke to him about what went wrong and ways we could fix things but he told me that he still couldn't trust me and he didn't want to try again. That day we ended up agreeing on being friends with benefits and thats what we are as of now. He'll still do things that shows that he cares, like rub my face, or tease me, or cuddle. He even called me tonight to ask me if I was ok because of something I tweeted. But he told me that he doesn't want me to be sad about the break up and that he doesn't want me to move on fast but that's just him being selfish. So he's still set on us not being together although he doesn't seem like it's what he really wants. But he still wants me in his life and now that we're friends with benefits it's an even stickier situation. I don't know what to do, please help me
We broke up a week ago.. He refuses to talk to me at all and he has a new gf. He and this girl were friends while we were together... So idk if it's a rebound or not. Idk what to do besides NC
I think it's still a rebound.
We were together for about 4 months, friends before that. We really did love each other but honestly our break up reason is very confusing to both of us. A friend asked what happened to us and he just said "I just don't know"
I think it's still a rebound.
We were together for about 4 months, friends before that. We really did love each other but honestly our break up reason is very confusing to both of us. A friend asked what happened to us and he just said "I just don't know"
Kevin, I've signed up to your e mail and sent you a message.. It was quite long but i haven't heard anything. I'm so sad, please help. I am relying on your plan just to get me through. Please respond, i realize you are busy. x
Hey Daisy,
Can you post a shorter version of the message here?
Hey Daisy,
Can you post a shorter version of the message here?
Hi Kelvin,
Thanks for the website!
My ex and I broke up 5 days ago. I was the one who initiated the break up because i found out that he said mean things, made fun of me and insulted me to his friends. I felt like i got betrayed by him as he is not the kind of guy to do that. So i quickly ran off and he didnt chase after me nor did he try to stop the break up. He just accepted it. I felt extremely hurt by his acceptance of the breakup so I sent him all the things he gave me the next day so as to get his attention to try and hold onto me. In the end, it hurt him even more and he was more convinced that we should break up. The next day, i met him and asked why he didnt want to hold onto me. And i begged him to take me back. He didnt budge on his decision. In the end, he allowed me to take back all the things that i sent back to him. He said that he wanted to have a clean break and stop all contact with me but i begged him not to. That we could still be friends, if not, just allow me to text him and if he wants, he can reply. He firmly said no.
However, the next day, he texted me and apologised for being so mean to me. He said that he didnt know that we could be good friends but he didnt want to ignore me. So we immediately began talking like normal, but the next day, he said that this didnt feel right and that we should not be doing this as this prevents us from moving on. He didnt want to give me hope that we could get back together. He said that he wont reply so often anymore. He feels bad about not replying and he says that he needs to get used to stop texting me everyday. I believe that he is firm in his decision of not getting back with me as he rarely changes his mind. He always says that people cannot force him to do what he does not want to do.
I know he cares alot of about me and he treated me very well in this relationship. But we always fought over minor things that became major issues and because of the constant fighting, we became distrustful with each other. I now understand that we fought so much to the extent that led to him to vent it out by insulting me to his friends. I dont condone his actions but i also feel that i have a part in it as well. He also feels that i would always shut off when he tries to solve the problems. We tried very long and hard to manage and work this relationship that it has exhausted him and pushed him to the limit. He has held onto for so long and tried his best but i was always unappreciative of him. However, i have been improving. I had been starting to be proactive whenever we were trying to solve our fights and I would be the one to take the first step and say sorry since 2 months ago. However, i think i have really pushed him to the limit.
I love him so much and i know he loves me even though he says otherwise. But i feel that he is scared to get back together with me and give me a chance as he feel that he has given me many chances alrdy and he does not want to be having such a stressful relationship anymore. He is also guilty of the monster he had become that would talk bad abt his gf to his friends.
Can you please advice me? And since he is receptive to my texts, should i still continue with the NC plan?
I think you should apply no contact if you haven't applied it till now.
I think you should apply no contact if you haven't applied it till now.
Dear Kevin,
About 7 weeks ago my ex (26 years, Im 27) broke up with me out of nowhere. We had then been dating for four months- the first two months of which he was much more into me than I was. When I realized I loved him as much as he loved me I started to make myself more available and open. I guess this scared him off. When he broke it off he did not have a good reason… he couldn’t explain it himself. The following day we decided to give it another chance. During the next two weeks I became very self conscious and constantly worried if he liked me that day or not. Eventually I consented to the breakup as I didn’t recognize myself anymore. Two days later he left for a one month holiday to ‘find himself.’ During this time I came I across your site and followed your No Contact Rule very strictly even though he would email and facebook message me to ask how I was doing. After a while he started to worry as to why I did not reply. Eventually, after the 30 days I responded but with very general and distant answers. During the 30 days I picked myself up, started a new hobby and made sure to find myself again through friends and family. I am happy again!
We just met after almost 6 weeks for lunch. Near the end of our conversation he asked how I was doing in terms of ‘us.’ I said that I am doing very well and that I have moved forward. He said he was sad to hear that I made new friends and is worried the day he will hear that I will have a new boyfriend. Even though he initiated the lunch meet-up, he said it was not good for him to see me as it hurts him and that he knew he would run back to me if we did.
My question is: Why would he go through all this to make contact, send me a post card from his holiday destination and initiate to see me to only say it hurts him to see me or think of me? We were in a serious (as far as four months go) relationship and out of nowhere he breaks it off. His excuse was that ‘we did not have the same hobbies.’ I know for certain that there is no one else.
Why is he torturing himself by not trying to get back with me again? Our good bye hug turned into two long ones with a final kiss on my forehead and a tear in his eye. (I cried the way home!).
Hey,
He is still confused about his feelings. Deep down, he probably wants to get back together and is afraid of losing you. I think you should stay in touch with him and let him chase you.
Hi again Kevin,
I need your advice again! Following my last post, here is an update: a few days later he showed up on my doorstop wanting to talk it out. We ended up kissing and he said ‘he could not get me out of his head all weekend.’ I made the kissing did not lead anywhere else (that was hard!). Here he said he could not remember why he broke up with me and was confused about his new feelings he had (like the ones he had when we first met). We parted ways and four days later he contacts me to say ‘Hi and to ask how I’m doing.’ I happened to be in his neighborhood the next day and so we planned to meet for a coffee. It ended up being at his house due to the rain. We spoke about everything but our relationship and then we hugged and it was here where I caved and slept with him the whole afternoon. Clearly still confused and not knowing what to do is how I left him. He is shocked at how I am happy and moved on (not at all) and would like to do the same so he said he wanted not so much contact (even though he contacts me all the time). The next week he fb messaged me every other day to ask how I’m doing and then cuts the conversation after 2 minutes (I can’t seem to cut it before he does). He's in control, I feel and I'm hurting again because he does not know what he wants.
Kevin, what do I do now? NC again? I just don’t want him to keep me on this string, but I also do not want to end this attention and that he forgets about me and that its just easier for him to move on since he is confused anyways. I need him to realize that it is a good idea to get back together again. What do I do? Thank you!
Hi Kevin, I apologize for disturbing you again with this. I really appreciate your input and patience- thank you! I have not yet contacted him and by now I think he is mad by my sudden NC and ignoring his last three messages over the past week. Would it make a difference if I suddenly reply now with ‘I need time and space’? Or just sit it out and keep ignoring him? He’s going to ignore me either way now, I believe. Ifyou suggest now to do make contact, should I then also briefly add that I’m well and that I’ve been busy this week and therefore could not respond? Ending the conv with that I need time and space? Thank you again for your help, Kevin!
Hello Kevin! I have kept to the NC, 3 weeks today. Went to a small festival on Saturday night and saw my ex from about 50 meters away. I only spotted him because the person was sitting and hiding his face with his hand and then I only realized that it was him. I don’t think I would have seen him otherwise. It caught me off guard obviously so I just continued on. I sat quite far away from his group of friends, but did notice that he looked in my direction a few times. After 15 min I left with another new group of friends (that he does not know). I’d just like to know what you think he was thinking when he was hiding behind his hand and then kept looking over. Thank you!
Thank you, Kevin. Emotionally, it's painful to ignore him, knowing that I am hurting him and he's probably ignoring me now. But, objectively, I realize it is the right thing to do. So after all this, it will eventually get him to realize that he made a mistake?
Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Hopefully.
Hey F,
There's no need to reply to him yet. IF he contacts again, tell him you need space and time. Don't worry about him being mad, it'll go away with time.
Hello Kevin! I have kept to the NC, 3 weeks today. Went to a small festival on Saturday night and saw my ex from about 50 meters away. I only spotted him because the person was sitting and hiding his face with his hand and then I only realized that it was him. I don’t think I would have seen him otherwise. It caught me off guard obviously so I just continued on. I sat quite far away from his group of friends, but did notice that he looked in my direction a few times. After 15 min I left with another new group of friends (that he does not know). I’d just like to know what you think he was thinking when he was hiding behind his hand and then kept looking over. Thank you!
Thank you, Kevin. Emotionally, it's painful to ignore him, knowing that I am hurting him and he's probably ignoring me now. But, objectively, I realize it is the right thing to do. So after all this, it will eventually get him to realize that he made a mistake?
Hey F,
There's no need to reply to him yet. IF he contacts again, tell him you need space and time. Don't worry about him being mad, it'll go away with time.
Hello Kevin! I have kept to the NC, 3 weeks today. Went to a small festival on Saturday night and saw my ex from about 50 meters away. I only spotted him because the person was sitting and hiding his face with his hand and then I only realized that it was him. I don’t think I would have seen him otherwise. It caught me off guard obviously so I just continued on. I sat quite far away from his group of friends, but did notice that he looked in my direction a few times. After 15 min I left with another new group of friends (that he does not know). I’d just like to know what you think he was thinking when he was hiding behind his hand and then kept looking over. Thank you!
Thank you, Kevin. Emotionally, it's painful to ignore him, knowing that I am hurting him and he's probably ignoring me now. But, objectively, I realize it is the right thing to do. So after all this, it will eventually get him to realize that he made a mistake?
Hey F,
There's no need to reply to him yet. IF he contacts again, tell him you need space and time. Don't worry about him being mad, it'll go away with time.
Hello Kevin! I have kept to the NC, 3 weeks today. Went to a small festival on Saturday night and saw my ex from about 50 meters away. I only spotted him because the person was sitting and hiding his face with his hand and then I only realized that it was him. I don’t think I would have seen him otherwise. It caught me off guard obviously so I just continued on. I sat quite far away from his group of friends, but did notice that he looked in my direction a few times. After 15 min I left with another new group of friends (that he does not know). I’d just like to know what you think he was thinking when he was hiding behind his hand and then kept looking over. Thank you!
Thank you, Kevin. Emotionally, it's painful to ignore him, knowing that I am hurting him and he's probably ignoring me now. But, objectively, I realize it is the right thing to do. So after all this, it will eventually get him to realize that he made a mistake?
Hey F,
There's no need to reply to him yet. IF he contacts again, tell him you need space and time. Don't worry about him being mad, it'll go away with time.
Hello Kevin! I have kept to the NC, 3 weeks today. Went to a small festival on Saturday night and saw my ex from about 50 meters away. I only spotted him because the person was sitting and hiding his face with his hand and then I only realized that it was him. I don’t think I would have seen him otherwise. It caught me off guard obviously so I just continued on. I sat quite far away from his group of friends, but did notice that he looked in my direction a few times. After 15 min I left with another new group of friends (that he does not know). I’d just like to know what you think he was thinking when he was hiding behind his hand and then kept looking over. Thank you!
Thank you, Kevin. Emotionally, it's painful to ignore him, knowing that I am hurting him and he's probably ignoring me now. But, objectively, I realize it is the right thing to do. So after all this, it will eventually get him to realize that he made a mistake?
Hey F,
There's no need to reply to him yet. IF he contacts again, tell him you need space and time. Don't worry about him being mad, it'll go away with time.
Sleeping with him didn't help your case. It's OK to get physical, as long as you are not going all the way. I suggest start no contact again. Don't reply to his messages for at least three weeks. Meet up again. This time, don't sleep with him until he commits.
Hi Kevin! I bumped into him again the other day, on a street that we both would never be on in an area that we both do not work in or live in. I recognized him and said hello first. He walked over and we had a small talk. I stayed calm and the happy self that I’ve been so hard at working on. The whole time he could not look at me- it just made it so awkward. Why can he not just look at me? Continue NC?
Hi Kevin,
He made contact again this morning by fb message (I have not) and asking again to see how I was doing and how I should not hesitate to send him a bit of news. He knows that I have 'seen' the message. I do still want him back. What should I do? What is the best approach now? Thank you again so much!!
Let him know that you need some time and space right now.
Let him know that you need some time and space right now.
Let him know that you need some time and space right now.
Let him know that you need some time and space right now.
Let him know that you need some time and space right now.
Let him know that you need some time and space right now.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your response! I greatly appreciate your advice. I followed it and immeadiately initiated NC. A few days ago he fb messaged to ask how I am doing and I ignored it (this was after 10 days of NC). He messaged again the following day to congratulate me on my new job (which he found out via fb). I have not responded- it has been 2 days. Do I break NC to briefly thank him? I just don't want to lose his interest or have him think I am 'over him.' I sound ridiculous, I know... I just do not know what to do. Thank you so much again, you have been a great help these past months!!
Don't do anything right now. If he contacts you again, and you still feel the same way, just tell him you need some space and time for now.
Don't do anything right now. If he contacts you again, and you still feel the same way, just tell him you need some space and time for now.
Don't do anything right now. If he contacts you again, and you still feel the same way, just tell him you need some space and time for now.
Don't do anything right now. If he contacts you again, and you still feel the same way, just tell him you need some space and time for now.
Don't do anything right now. If he contacts you again, and you still feel the same way, just tell him you need some space and time for now.
Don't do anything right now. If he contacts you again, and you still feel the same way, just tell him you need some space and time for now.
Hi Kevin! I bumped into him again the other day, on a street that we both would never be on in an area that we both do not work in or live in. I recognized him and said hello first. He walked over and we had a small talk. I stayed calm and the happy self that I’ve been so hard at working on. The whole time he could not look at me- it just made it so awkward. Why can he not just look at me? Continue NC?
Hi Kevin,
He made contact again this morning by fb message (I have not) and asking again to see how I was doing and how I should not hesitate to send him a bit of news. He knows that I have 'seen' the message. I do still want him back. What should I do? What is the best approach now? Thank you again so much!!
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your response! I greatly appreciate your advice. I followed it and immeadiately initiated NC. A few days ago he fb messaged to ask how I am doing and I ignored it (this was after 10 days of NC). He messaged again the following day to congratulate me on my new job (which he found out via fb). I have not responded- it has been 2 days. Do I break NC to briefly thank him? I just don't want to lose his interest or have him think I am 'over him.' I sound ridiculous, I know... I just do not know what to do. Thank you so much again, you have been a great help these past months!!
Hi Kevin! I bumped into him again the other day, on a street that we both would never be on in an area that we both do not work in or live in. I recognized him and said hello first. He walked over and we had a small talk. I stayed calm and the happy self that I’ve been so hard at working on. The whole time he could not look at me- it just made it so awkward. Why can he not just look at me? Continue NC?
Hi Kevin,
He made contact again this morning by fb message (I have not) and asking again to see how I was doing and how I should not hesitate to send him a bit of news. He knows that I have 'seen' the message. I do still want him back. What should I do? What is the best approach now? Thank you again so much!!
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your response! I greatly appreciate your advice. I followed it and immeadiately initiated NC. A few days ago he fb messaged to ask how I am doing and I ignored it (this was after 10 days of NC). He messaged again the following day to congratulate me on my new job (which he found out via fb). I have not responded- it has been 2 days. Do I break NC to briefly thank him? I just don't want to lose his interest or have him think I am 'over him.' I sound ridiculous, I know... I just do not know what to do. Thank you so much again, you have been a great help these past months!!
Hi Kevin! I bumped into him again the other day, on a street that we both would never be on in an area that we both do not work in or live in. I recognized him and said hello first. He walked over and we had a small talk. I stayed calm and the happy self that I’ve been so hard at working on. The whole time he could not look at me- it just made it so awkward. Why can he not just look at me? Continue NC?
Hi Kevin,
He made contact again this morning by fb message (I have not) and asking again to see how I was doing and how I should not hesitate to send him a bit of news. He knows that I have 'seen' the message. I do still want him back. What should I do? What is the best approach now? Thank you again so much!!
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your response! I greatly appreciate your advice. I followed it and immeadiately initiated NC. A few days ago he fb messaged to ask how I am doing and I ignored it (this was after 10 days of NC). He messaged again the following day to congratulate me on my new job (which he found out via fb). I have not responded- it has been 2 days. Do I break NC to briefly thank him? I just don't want to lose his interest or have him think I am 'over him.' I sound ridiculous, I know... I just do not know what to do. Thank you so much again, you have been a great help these past months!!
Hi Kevin! I bumped into him again the other day, on a street that we both would never be on in an area that we both do not work in or live in. I recognized him and said hello first. He walked over and we had a small talk. I stayed calm and the happy self that I’ve been so hard at working on. The whole time he could not look at me- it just made it so awkward. Why can he not just look at me? Continue NC?
Hi Kevin,
He made contact again this morning by fb message (I have not) and asking again to see how I was doing and how I should not hesitate to send him a bit of news. He knows that I have 'seen' the message. I do still want him back. What should I do? What is the best approach now? Thank you again so much!!
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your response! I greatly appreciate your advice. I followed it and immeadiately initiated NC. A few days ago he fb messaged to ask how I am doing and I ignored it (this was after 10 days of NC). He messaged again the following day to congratulate me on my new job (which he found out via fb). I have not responded- it has been 2 days. Do I break NC to briefly thank him? I just don't want to lose his interest or have him think I am 'over him.' I sound ridiculous, I know... I just do not know what to do. Thank you so much again, you have been a great help these past months!!
I forgot to mention that he is also hesitant about getting back because a few years ago he got back with his ex and then broke it off again only to break that girl's heart. I told him not to let his past dictate his future now and that he's a fool for letting me go.
Hi Kevin, I apologize for disturbing you again with this. I really appreciate your input and patience- thank you! I have not yet contacted him and by now I think he is mad by my sudden NC and ignoring his last three messages over the past week. Would it make a difference if I suddenly reply now with ‘I need time and space’? Or just sit it out and keep ignoring him? He’s going to ignore me either way now, I believe. Ifyou suggest now to do make contact, should I then also briefly add that I’m well and that I’ve been busy this week and therefore could not respond? Ending the conv with that I need time and space? Thank you again for your help, Kevin!
Sleeping with him didn't help your case. It's OK to get physical, as long as you are not going all the way. I suggest start no contact again. Don't reply to his messages for at least three weeks. Meet up again. This time, don't sleep with him until he commits.
I forgot to mention that he is also hesitant about getting back because a few years ago he got back with his ex and then broke it off again only to break that girl's heart. I told him not to let his past dictate his future now and that he's a fool for letting me go.
Hi Kevin, I apologize for disturbing you again with this. I really appreciate your input and patience- thank you! I have not yet contacted him and by now I think he is mad by my sudden NC and ignoring his last three messages over the past week. Would it make a difference if I suddenly reply now with ‘I need time and space’? Or just sit it out and keep ignoring him? He’s going to ignore me either way now, I believe. Ifyou suggest now to do make contact, should I then also briefly add that I’m well and that I’ve been busy this week and therefore could not respond? Ending the conv with that I need time and space? Thank you again for your help, Kevin!
Sleeping with him didn't help your case. It's OK to get physical, as long as you are not going all the way. I suggest start no contact again. Don't reply to his messages for at least three weeks. Meet up again. This time, don't sleep with him until he commits.
I forgot to mention that he is also hesitant about getting back because a few years ago he got back with his ex and then broke it off again only to break that girl's heart. I told him not to let his past dictate his future now and that he's a fool for letting me go.
Hi Kevin, I apologize for disturbing you again with this. I really appreciate your input and patience- thank you! I have not yet contacted him and by now I think he is mad by my sudden NC and ignoring his last three messages over the past week. Would it make a difference if I suddenly reply now with ‘I need time and space’? Or just sit it out and keep ignoring him? He’s going to ignore me either way now, I believe. Ifyou suggest now to do make contact, should I then also briefly add that I’m well and that I’ve been busy this week and therefore could not respond? Ending the conv with that I need time and space? Thank you again for your help, Kevin!
Sleeping with him didn't help your case. It's OK to get physical, as long as you are not going all the way. I suggest start no contact again. Don't reply to his messages for at least three weeks. Meet up again. This time, don't sleep with him until he commits.
I forgot to mention that he is also hesitant about getting back because a few years ago he got back with his ex and then broke it off again only to break that girl's heart. I told him not to let his past dictate his future now and that he's a fool for letting me go.
Hi again Kevin,
I need your advice again! Following my last post, here is an update: a few days later he showed up on my doorstop wanting to talk it out. We ended up kissing and he said ‘he could not get me out of his head all weekend.’ I made the kissing did not lead anywhere else (that was hard!). Here he said he could not remember why he broke up with me and was confused about his new feelings he had (like the ones he had when we first met). We parted ways and four days later he contacts me to say ‘Hi and to ask how I’m doing.’ I happened to be in his neighborhood the next day and so we planned to meet for a coffee. It ended up being at his house due to the rain. We spoke about everything but our relationship and then we hugged and it was here where I caved and slept with him the whole afternoon. Clearly still confused and not knowing what to do is how I left him. He is shocked at how I am happy and moved on (not at all) and would like to do the same so he said he wanted not so much contact (even though he contacts me all the time). The next week he fb messaged me every other day to ask how I’m doing and then cuts the conversation after 2 minutes (I can’t seem to cut it before he does). He's in control, I feel and I'm hurting again because he does not know what he wants.
Kevin, what do I do now? NC again? I just don’t want him to keep me on this string, but I also do not want to end this attention and that he forgets about me and that its just easier for him to move on since he is confused anyways. I need him to realize that it is a good idea to get back together again. What do I do? Thank you!
Hi again Kevin,
I need your advice again! Following my last post, here is an update: a few days later he showed up on my doorstop wanting to talk it out. We ended up kissing and he said ‘he could not get me out of his head all weekend.’ I made the kissing did not lead anywhere else (that was hard!). Here he said he could not remember why he broke up with me and was confused about his new feelings he had (like the ones he had when we first met). We parted ways and four days later he contacts me to say ‘Hi and to ask how I’m doing.’ I happened to be in his neighborhood the next day and so we planned to meet for a coffee. It ended up being at his house due to the rain. We spoke about everything but our relationship and then we hugged and it was here where I caved and slept with him the whole afternoon. Clearly still confused and not knowing what to do is how I left him. He is shocked at how I am happy and moved on (not at all) and would like to do the same so he said he wanted not so much contact (even though he contacts me all the time). The next week he fb messaged me every other day to ask how I’m doing and then cuts the conversation after 2 minutes (I can’t seem to cut it before he does). He's in control, I feel and I'm hurting again because he does not know what he wants.
Kevin, what do I do now? NC again? I just don’t want him to keep me on this string, but I also do not want to end this attention and that he forgets about me and that its just easier for him to move on since he is confused anyways. I need him to realize that it is a good idea to get back together again. What do I do? Thank you!
Hey,
He is still confused about his feelings. Deep down, he probably wants to get back together and is afraid of losing you. I think you should stay in touch with him and let him chase you.
yesterday i sent an e-mail to my ex just to ask about my things i have at his place. Because last weekend i heard from an mutual friend of us that he was asking about me and asking if i was with someone or see someone. He jumped right in to a new relationship about 1,5 months after our breakup, which is about 2 months ago. We were together for 5 years. I tried to get back with him, but he was saying that he needed some time to think, while he was actually in a relationship with this new girl.
So, yesterday i send an e-mail asking about my things and he answered right back and said of course no problem you'll get your things. Than he was just asking me about last weekend when i was at a party with some mutual friends of us and he kept asking if i was with someone or if i went home with someone that night. I was so surprised about this because just 3 weeks before he told me he didn't want any contact with me at all.( his new girl also contacted me and told me to stay away) So I didn't contact him for 3 weeks. Now im just so confused and the feelings all comes back again. I don't know what to think or what to believe. Should I just keep in touch with him, or ignore ? Why is he so interested in who im seeing when he is in a new relationship ? Is he in a rebound relationship? Seems like everything is going really fast between them. I really need your help and guidnes because Im still so in love with him. He also moves to another country in two months and will be away for a year. His new girl will not move away with him.
Yes, he is in a rebound relationship. He is interested in your dating life because he is afraid of losing you forever. You should follow the plan.
Yes, he is in a rebound relationship. He is interested in your dating life because he is afraid of losing you forever. You should follow the plan.
Me and my ex were engaged and were together for three years (2 children). We broke up 7 months ago, bc he "needed space". We still do everything as a couple and he gets upset when I expect him to act a certain way all the time. I did all the things you shouldnt do when you break up with someone, and i dont know if the no contact thing will be right in my situation. he said he loves me, just not in love anymore. He also said in the future he would b willing to make it work if i give it time and stop "pressing the issue". Its hard not to press the issue. And how much time is he looking for? Its almost been a year and nothing has changed! Now he said he wants to get his own apartment instead of moving back home with us. What to do? I am so confused. Sounds more like he is moving on and could care less about working anything out.
You should apply no contact. Read this article to learn how to do no contact when you have kids.
You should apply no contact. Read this article to learn how to do no contact when you have kids.
My ex and I broke up about 2 and a half months ago. She broke up with me; it was a very clean break. To give you some context, she was clinically depressed and i knew about this from the start. I was very devoted and committed, but due to her condition (and most likely some old relationships too) she was very unstable and untrusting. She knew in our relationship that i was very giving to her and she just couldn't give back to me, was snappy/curt with me a lot, and it made her feel guilty inside and made her lose attraction to me. It's unfortunate, but i think we had to break up. In my mind i was unhappy because no matter how much i tried she just wasn't happy, and she could see how much that hurt me, so breaking up was the best thing to do.
Since she's done stuff like be hot and cold, like see me on a night out, not talk to me there yet text me the day after, but not reply if i responded to her. She'd flirt with people in front of me. Within 2 months of us breaking up she started seeing a new guy and is being very "in-your-face" about it on Facebook. We dated for 3 months, yet have few pictures, she didn't post statuses about me and we weren't even "in a relationship" though we knew and all our friends/family knew we were dating. She said she doesn't like being open about her relationships on Facebook. With this new guy however, she keeps uploading pictures with him, statuses about him, has listed herself as "in a relationship," (they've only been together 2-3 weeks) and just generally being in-my-face and more open about her new guy on Facebook. I've read the article on this website about rebound signs, and I'm pretty sure this is just a rebound due to the time since we've split and the speed with which she's progressing through it and her over-the-top openness on Facebook. Just wondered if anyone else has been through this, and if she's trying to make me jealous? We both know we won't get back together; our personalities and interests don't match, and since she's done other things that i haven't said which make me not want to be with her again, but is this just a subliminal way of trying to show me and her friends that she's "over it?"
I think the answer to all your questions is yes. But if you don't want to get back with her, you should delete her from your facebook and apply no contact indefinitely.
I am applying no contact now, and would have anyway, she was the one to get in touch, and in hindsight i probably shouldn't have responded to them. I don't dislike her (though she's given me plenty of reasons to), and I have made some sort of effort to remain friendly. I know how she can be, stressed, untrusting and insecure, and essentially I'm doing what any ex should do if the break was clean and there is no bad blood, and just hoping she's happy with the new guy. I know i don't want her back, which has made dealing with the fact she's got a new guy very quickly much easier, but i never want her to feel alone or have no friends should the new guy not be as patient or understanding as i was. She said i was way more understanding than she expected or than anyone else has ever been. I don't want to delete her on the grounds that i don't want her to feel she can't approach me if she is genuinely upset, because she knows i'm a caring individual and a breakup won't change that base-level of care that i have for her, but in my own mind i definitely know where the line is. Is this a good idea though?
If you don't want her back, then it's not a good idea to stick around to support her. You don't owe anything to her and by supporting her, you are risking your mental peace and stability. I just think it's not worth it. And yes, it does sound like it's a rebound relationship.
And very quickly, would you also agree that from the looks of it it's most likely a rebound relationship too?
If you don't want her back, then it's not a good idea to stick around to support her. You don't owe anything to her and by supporting her, you are risking your mental peace and stability. I just think it's not worth it. And yes, it does sound like it's a rebound relationship.
And very quickly, would you also agree that from the looks of it it's most likely a rebound relationship too?
If you don't want her back, then it's not a good idea to stick around to support her. You don't owe anything to her and by supporting her, you are risking your mental peace and stability. I just think it's not worth it. And yes, it does sound like it's a rebound relationship.
And very quickly, would you also agree that from the looks of it it's most likely a rebound relationship too?
If you don't want her back, then it's not a good idea to stick around to support her. You don't owe anything to her and by supporting her, you are risking your mental peace and stability. I just think it's not worth it. And yes, it does sound like it's a rebound relationship.
And very quickly, would you also agree that from the looks of it it's most likely a rebound relationship too?
I am applying no contact now, and would have anyway, she was the one to get in touch, and in hindsight i probably shouldn't have responded to them. I don't dislike her (though she's given me plenty of reasons to), and I have made some sort of effort to remain friendly. I know how she can be, stressed, untrusting and insecure, and essentially I'm doing what any ex should do if the break was clean and there is no bad blood, and just hoping she's happy with the new guy. I know i don't want her back, which has made dealing with the fact she's got a new guy very quickly much easier, but i never want her to feel alone or have no friends should the new guy not be as patient or understanding as i was. She said i was way more understanding than she expected or than anyone else has ever been. I don't want to delete her on the grounds that i don't want her to feel she can't approach me if she is genuinely upset, because she knows i'm a caring individual and a breakup won't change that base-level of care that i have for her, but in my own mind i definitely know where the line is. Is this a good idea though?
I am applying no contact now, and would have anyway, she was the one to get in touch, and in hindsight i probably shouldn't have responded to them. I don't dislike her (though she's given me plenty of reasons to), and I have made some sort of effort to remain friendly. I know how she can be, stressed, untrusting and insecure, and essentially I'm doing what any ex should do if the break was clean and there is no bad blood, and just hoping she's happy with the new guy. I know i don't want her back, which has made dealing with the fact she's got a new guy very quickly much easier, but i never want her to feel alone or have no friends should the new guy not be as patient or understanding as i was. She said i was way more understanding than she expected or than anyone else has ever been. I don't want to delete her on the grounds that i don't want her to feel she can't approach me if she is genuinely upset, because she knows i'm a caring individual and a breakup won't change that base-level of care that i have for her, but in my own mind i definitely know where the line is. Is this a good idea though?
I think the answer to all your questions is yes. But if you don't want to get back with her, you should delete her from your facebook and apply no contact indefinitely.
hey kevin,thank you for your very useful article and emails that you daily send to me.i did all u said and after a month of no contact he sent me a text message and then as u said i followed ryan rivers steps and all the communication lines are open between us,i told him i'm happy that we can be friends and he seems more interested in chatting and talking about good memories and everything.he sometimes speaks all emotionally but i'm really in control to be just friends.he even sent me a message that was indirectly telling me not to leave him when he was drunk (although he was the one who broke up with me).anyways he asked me to go out but its impossible for us to go with a group of friends,cuz my friends are not around and i know that his friends are not interested.am i breaking the rules if it's just the two of us in the first face to face?please tell me what to do,i'd really appreciate it.and thank u again for everything i never thought i would ever see him or talk to him again.you are like a miracle in my life.he has not mentioned that he wants to get back yet but the situation is really better now and i think chances are.
It's OK to go out with him when it's just the two of you. Don't worry about it. Just make sure you are not needy when you meet him.
thanks for responding,you are amazing.
hey kevin,
we went out and he started crying from the first minute.he said he thought he could never see me again.i didn't act
emotional and started talking about funny things that he enjoys,then again he started talking about our breakup and how
hard this is for him and how he's been drinking like every night.he said he can't forgive himself for breaking my heart.
it was so hard for me to control myself i said i forgave him and i also cried.he said he told every one that i was the
only one that he loves.his family and friends don't accept me as his girl friend and that made everything so hard.and he
tries to make me understand that this was the problem.i know i shouldn't have cried but i couldn't handle myself.i didn't
say anything about getting back together,neither did he.i just said i don't want him to keep drinking every night and hurt himself,i said
this things happen,breakups happen,and it was hard to stay in a relationship like that.we are going to go out again next weekend.please tell me what to do?does he really love me
or he was just trying to find out if i still love him? what should i do now that he knows how i feel?is there a chance that he wants me back? please help
You did well. Next time, try to keep it light and have fun. Don't mention getting back together, let it be his idea.
i'm 22,he is 27 and we were in a relationship and bliss for 14 months.
You did well. Next time, try to keep it light and have fun. Don't mention getting back together, let it be his idea.
i'm 22,he is 27 and we were in a relationship and bliss for 14 months.
You did well. Next time, try to keep it light and have fun. Don't mention getting back together, let it be his idea.
i'm 22,he is 27 and we were in a relationship and bliss for 14 months.
You did well. Next time, try to keep it light and have fun. Don't mention getting back together, let it be his idea.
i'm 22,he is 27 and we were in a relationship and bliss for 14 months.
You did well. Next time, try to keep it light and have fun. Don't mention getting back together, let it be his idea.
i'm 22,he is 27 and we were in a relationship and bliss for 14 months.
hey kevin,
we went out and he started crying from the first minute.he said he thought he could never see me again.i didn't act
emotional and started talking about funny things that he enjoys,then again he started talking about our breakup and how
hard this is for him and how he's been drinking like every night.he said he can't forgive himself for breaking my heart.
it was so hard for me to control myself i said i forgave him and i also cried.he said he told every one that i was the
only one that he loves.his family and friends don't accept me as his girl friend and that made everything so hard.and he
tries to make me understand that this was the problem.i know i shouldn't have cried but i couldn't handle myself.i didn't
say anything about getting back together,neither did he.i just said i don't want him to keep drinking every night and hurt himself,i said
this things happen,breakups happen,and it was hard to stay in a relationship like that.we are going to go out again next weekend.please tell me what to do?does he really love me
or he was just trying to find out if i still love him? what should i do now that he knows how i feel?is there a chance that he wants me back? please help
hey kevin,
we went out and he started crying from the first minute.he said he thought he could never see me again.i didn't act
emotional and started talking about funny things that he enjoys,then again he started talking about our breakup and how
hard this is for him and how he's been drinking like every night.he said he can't forgive himself for breaking my heart.
it was so hard for me to control myself i said i forgave him and i also cried.he said he told every one that i was the
only one that he loves.his family and friends don't accept me as his girl friend and that made everything so hard.and he
tries to make me understand that this was the problem.i know i shouldn't have cried but i couldn't handle myself.i didn't
say anything about getting back together,neither did he.i just said i don't want him to keep drinking every night and hurt himself,i said
this things happen,breakups happen,and it was hard to stay in a relationship like that.we are going to go out again next weekend.please tell me what to do?does he really love me
or he was just trying to find out if i still love him? what should i do now that he knows how i feel?is there a chance that he wants me back? please help
hey kevin,
we went out and he started crying from the first minute.he said he thought he could never see me again.i didn't act
emotional and started talking about funny things that he enjoys,then again he started talking about our breakup and how
hard this is for him and how he's been drinking like every night.he said he can't forgive himself for breaking my heart.
it was so hard for me to control myself i said i forgave him and i also cried.he said he told every one that i was the
only one that he loves.his family and friends don't accept me as his girl friend and that made everything so hard.and he
tries to make me understand that this was the problem.i know i shouldn't have cried but i couldn't handle myself.i didn't
say anything about getting back together,neither did he.i just said i don't want him to keep drinking every night and hurt himself,i said
this things happen,breakups happen,and it was hard to stay in a relationship like that.we are going to go out again next weekend.please tell me what to do?does he really love me
or he was just trying to find out if i still love him? what should i do now that he knows how i feel?is there a chance that he wants me back? please help
thanks for responding,you are amazing.
thanks for responding,you are amazing.
It's OK to go out with him when it's just the two of you. Don't worry about it. Just make sure you are not needy when you meet him.
Hi Kevin,
I messaged privately yesterday & I know I'm being impatient, I just wanted to know if you got it & when you would be able to reply?
Denise
Hey Anon,
I'll try to get back to you soon but I am a little backed up with the emails. Is it possible for you to post your query here.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks, I slipped up at the weekend so back to day 2 of NC, so I'll just wait to hear from you :)
Hey Kevin,
Thanks, I slipped up at the weekend so back to day 2 of NC, so I'll just wait to hear from you :)
Hey Kevin,
Thanks, I slipped up at the weekend so back to day 2 of NC, so I'll just wait to hear from you :)
Hey Anon,
I'll try to get back to you soon but I am a little backed up with the emails. Is it possible for you to post your query here.
I have a couple more questions Kevin. Let's say I do no contact for 2 months, which I'm currently doing it's already been 22 days, and what if he does not contact me at all? Will it make trying to get him back harder? Also, at what point after no contact should I give up? This is my second attempt trying to get him back the first attempt was unsuccessful, he basically said wanted me in his life but he does not want a relationship
Hey Mimi,
I don't think it'll make it harder to get him back if he doesn't contact you. What's more important is how he responds when you contact him after no contact. As for when to give up, it's for you to decide. How long are you willing to pursue him? I'll recommend set a time limit for yourself. If things don't work out till that time, you should cut your losses and move on.
Thank you so much for all your responses I really appreciate it!
Thank you so much for all your responses I really appreciate it!
Thank you so much for all your responses I really appreciate it!
Hey Mimi,
I don't think it'll make it harder to get him back if he doesn't contact you. What's more important is how he responds when you contact him after no contact. As for when to give up, it's for you to decide. How long are you willing to pursue him? I'll recommend set a time limit for yourself. If things don't work out till that time, you should cut your losses and move on.
To add to my comment about my ex and I about which I was asking if she was trying to get a reaction out of me and showing she's fine (together 3 months, she was depressed, new guy, openness on Facebook etc) we're both 21
Hey.. I will try to sum this up..
My ex and I broke up officially in November (we had been having a rough patch for awhile). We dated for over a year and lived together. I am 23 and he turned 26 last week. We still talked a little bit at that time. He got me a really nice gift for Christmas and we hungout a few days after Christmas, we talked about getting back together.. A couple days later he completely changed and said we shouldn't talk anymore. I became very needy and naggy and pushed him to being really hateful and he told me to never talk to him again. I listened and didn't say much other than him getting the rest of his stuff from my apartment (we had lived together). We haven't really talked since January. I found out last week that he has a new girlfriend. Is that a rebound? What do you think I should do? We have done NC for 3 months.
I think you should wait another two weeks and get back in touch using the letter mentioned in the plan. His new relationship is probably a rebound.
I think you should wait another two weeks and get back in touch using the letter mentioned in the plan. His new relationship is probably a rebound.
Hello Kevin
My story is that I've met this girl at work and we became like best friends after 4 months and after a while we both started to have feelings for each other. She left her bf for me but I didn't really show any reaction to that. So after a month things got really close and I finally decided to be my gf and she accepted (Even If i hadn't , she would ask me in less than a week or 2 and I'm 100 percent sure of that)
So we went out for 2/3 weeks and I noticed that she became a bit sad in our relationship so I had a talk with her and let her chose if she wants to still go out with me or wants to be good friends like we used to be. After hours of crying she mentioned that she still wants to see me everyday and be out together like we were bestfriends before and blah blah.
After a day I realized what I mistake I made and I decided to talk with her ; Turns out she is afraid of being too attached to me and end up hurt OR she loses interest in me after a month or 2 and she doesn't want that and wants to stay between girlfriend and bestfriend (She all said those stuff). I tried talking to her about "Keeping a relationship" by giving her a bit of ideas of how to keep the relationship alive but then she said "by being in a relationship as gf , I might lose you but I can always have you when we are friends and I love you so much". In the end I asked her If the relationship is worth continuing and she said that "let's keep things this way for a while , I'll ask to be back together later If i had to". That made me a bit mad because I was like "Why did I even talk to her and made myself look like I care" but then again it reminded me of a relationship i screwed because I just "let that person go" without trying to keep her.
So It came to my mind that If she wants me everyday at work (basically we got each other only at work and we only spend time together all the time) , I'm gonna take it away from her...
Later at night she texted me "I don't wanna see you sad" and I ignored her then after 30 mins she texted me "A guy's name , Gn" and I was sure that was on purpose just to make me jealous.
I refused to answer her phone call and we were supposed to go to work together (She called me like 60 times and texted 5 times) so in the end she said that "Don't be an ass and give me a call" so i called her and I said I was tired to go to work and I didn't see you miss calls etc.
Then again later at night she texted me some stuff about me turning to an ass and i responded to her somehow saying that "I don't need to contact you like I used to because It's obvious why..."
The next day she started dating someone else and I will eventually see her sooner or later at work (We have same places to go at work) ; The thing is should I go no contact with her (calls / SMS) or should i actually act cool in front of her like nothing happened?
She liked me and I liked her and things were perfect except the fact that we both had the feat of losing each other after a relationship and we decided to be friends to have each other and now It makes me mad and sad.
Should I act like we are still good friends or I should go N/C ; I'm not sure if things would go well in future even If we go out together but I know that we were perfect couple together so that's why I'm unsure If i should keep her as a friend or i should go N/C -> At work we would only hang out with each other back then but now she is now dating and she probably won't spend that much time with me after work like we used to because It kills her too to be "Just friends" with the person she likes but then again she is dating someone else and she is a great match for me .
What's your opinion?
I think you should do NC for a while.
I think you should do NC for a while.
My ex bf told me he didn't love me and that he wanted to be alone. I could tell the relationship was falling apart, but I could feel the love . We went on vacation and everything was great, we fought, but we solved it. Two days later I got upset at him and called him to talk and work it out and he didn't want to deal with it. He said I was getting annoying and irritating. Side note, he suffered from depression and anxiety, and has said that he's confused about how much be loves me. Okay so we were talking and he said he wanted to be alone and that he felt nothing for me anymore. I didn't believe him. I understand falling out of love. But someone who is not in love with you doesn't talk to you everyday, doesn't ask to hang out and sleep over. They don't kiss you goodnight and say I love you, they don't cuddle and hold hands, or make plans to do things. They don't have a great time with you at a vacation. I went to his house and he told me to my face. I was crying and trying to fix it and he said he made up his mind. I asked him if he was sure, he said yes. He said he wasn't going to miss me the way I want him to. I asked for my pictures and he didn't want to give them back to me. He was so cold and emotionless. He asked me what we were gonna do after. That it was up to me if I wanted to stay friends. I said I needed time and for him to text me in a month. He hugged me and said sorry, then I left. It's been 4 days and it's killing me, idk what to think. I him off of everything Should I just move on for good? Or give myself hope?
You should follow the 5 step plan.
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I dated for 5 years, and midway through the relationship I cheated on him. After a couple of months of trying my best to get him back, we reconciled and were better than ever. However, around our fourth year together I had a miscarriage and that really affected our relationship. I was very depressend and I broke up with him. I thought I was really over him and here is where I messed up: I started dating the same guy I cheated on him with. My ex was really hurt and hated me. Things with the new guy didn't last long and I realized that I still had feelings for my ex boyfriend. Eventually, I tried to get my ex back but he said that even though he still cares for me and will always help me with the whole miscarriage thing, he doesn't want to get back with me because his feelings about me have changed. I've tried apologizing and even begged him to give me a another chance but nothing works. He still helps me with my miscarriage issues. I am still very depressed and going to a therapist to get better. My ex still supports me with that. Because of our past, I'm not sure if the NC rule applies to me. I really want to get him back. Do you think I still have a chance with him or should I make adjustments? I understand where I went wrong and I truly believe I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.
I think the NC rule still applies.
I think the NC rule still applies.
Hi Kevin,
I texted him today after 6 weeks of no contact and he replied almost straight away which I was really surprised about. The responses I got were pretty neutral but it has been a long time so I guess thats to be expected. We had a small conversation of about 4-5 texts each. Should I wait for him to initiate our next conversation? And if he doesn't how long should I wait before contacting him again?
If he doesn't, you should contact him after 4-5 days.
If he doesn't, you should contact him after 4-5 days.
Hey kevin,
My ex and I dated for 3 almost 4 years and are in love. He kissed another girl about 4 months back and feels like scum for it. We talked about it, and I thought we concurred and got over it. I forgave him for that, and everything else. but recently, he said he cant be with me because he hasn't forgiven himself for all the pain hes put me through and all the tears he's made me cry. The past weekend when we hung out he broke down, said hes in love with me he's going to show me its okay to trust him and love him again. that he wants us to work and if he let me go it would be the biggest mistake of his life. but 2 days ago ( 4 days after he said all that) told me that he can't be with me because he cant forgive himself. He said today that he still loves me and it is going to be the biggest regret letting me go but he has to because of the pain hes put me through. Is there hope for us ? Advice..?
Please and thankyou.
p.s he wants to hangout this weekend because I told him I want to talk..
I think the reason he is giving for breakup is BS. But I can be wrong. Regardless, you should follow the plan. If possible, cancel the plan to hangout. If not, then start no contact after the weekend.
I think the reason he is giving for breakup is BS. But I can be wrong. Regardless, you should follow the plan. If possible, cancel the plan to hangout. If not, then start no contact after the weekend.
Idk if you will reply at all but I have a situation I didn't read like anyone's here. Two and a half years ago I was coming out of a relationship, my friend, who is 22 nowI am 30, wanted to start a relationship. I have two daughters and never really allowed him in the last 2 to have a say in raising them. We both work, we both contributed, it took me awhile to let him in, but I once did things were really good. About 4 months ago he said he needed a break, didn't move out, then about. Months ago, even though we continued to sleep together and nothing really changed, he moved out. He is younger than me but his childhood was not the best. He told me he did everything he wanted to and he was ready to settle down. I have broke all the rules and text and call and text and call for the last two months. We sleep together once a week. Its been 10 days since wehaven't. I can go3 days without talking but since we work together, iI end up asking him over and over about us. He told me that he doesn't miss me, he has no want for me, and that he never thinks about me. Its been 3 Days since we have talked, we work together, he has no problem walking right by and pretending I'm not there. I don't know how to do that. I want to stop and ask him questions. Everyone says he is just too young, I don't believe that because he was younger two years ago. He also tells me all he ever asked for was for me to give him time to figure out what he wants, and to not ask him about us, but all I asked was to date me, text me goodnight, not throw me out of your life completely. Now I feel its too late. What do I do to pretend he isn't there? Won't he leave me behind if I leave him alone?
Hey Stacey,
Chances are, he will leave you behind if you keep on pushing him. Leaving him alone will increase your chances of getting him back. My guess is he is too young to settle down and he is having second thoughts about his decision. You should give him space and accept whatever he decides.
Hey Stacey,
Chances are, he will leave you behind if you keep on pushing him. Leaving him alone will increase your chances of getting him back. My guess is he is too young to settle down and he is having second thoughts about his decision. You should give him space and accept whatever he decides.
Hi Kevin,
I'm into day 17 of NC, and am looking at the ways to reconnect with my ex, who broke up with me, after NC is over. In step 4, could you please clarify why we should add the part about "We both need some space right now"? If he respects my need for space, wouldn't he decide to not contact me? Similarly, if I text him again a couple of days after, wouldn't it look inconsistent on my part and be devaluing the statement about space? Also, if he does need space, I suppose he won't reply then, and how long should I wait until I try to text him about something uplifting?
Finally, if, after the NC period is over, we did not manage to chat much over text/email before we both attend a mutual friend's party, how should I be treating him, as a friend/acquantaince (like during NC)/the first meet-up (from Ryan's Rewind)?
Thanks~
Hey Natalie,
If it's a party which you both have to attend (i.e didn't plan on going there together or meeting there to catch up), then treat him as you would during NC. However, if you have spoken before the party, and decided to see each other at the party, then you should treat him as described in relationship rewind.
As for the letter, if you contact him one to two weeks after the letter, it doesn't look inconsistent. And most of the time, exes can't resist the urge to call you after receiving the letter. Sometimes, they call to let you know that "they" don't need space anymore and it's OK to talk to them.
Hey Natalie,
If it's a party which you both have to attend (i.e didn't plan on going there together or meeting there to catch up), then treat him as you would during NC. However, if you have spoken before the party, and decided to see each other at the party, then you should treat him as described in relationship rewind.
As for the letter, if you contact him one to two weeks after the letter, it doesn't look inconsistent. And most of the time, exes can't resist the urge to call you after receiving the letter. Sometimes, they call to let you know that "they" don't need space anymore and it's OK to talk to them.
Hey Kevin,
First and foremost I would like to thank you for this website. It has really helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I'm at a place in my life where I'm somewhat isolated and don't have close friends around to listen and give me sound advice. Reading the advice you've given here has really helped give me some perspective and focus on caring for myself.
My boyfriend (26) broke up with me (23) on the evening of the 14th of last month. We had been together for almost 4 years. Things had been especially stressful in our relationship for quite some time. I have been struggling with depression and panic attacks for years, he had been struggling with his job, his relationship with his family, debt, and caring for me when my anxiety was too much to handle. Basically, he was caring for me and taking on my responsibilities when he shouldn't have, and he snapped under pressure. I'm sure that me depending on him and being clingy was very unattractive. This was our second time ever breaking up (the first one only lasted a week and obviously nothing changed in such a short time). We had amazing sex the night he dumped me, slept in the same bed (though not closely), and I left the next day while he was at work. I was needy almost immediately after I left. I text him a lot and told him I missed him. I pleaded. I said I loved him. Basically, I did everything that you have advised against here on this site. I feel like it is important to share that for the first two weeks of this current breakup he was saying that he didn't know if we had a future or not, but that he was trying to remove the association of fear/anxiety/fighting from our relationship. I was respectful and tried to be kind during this time, but we were still seeing each other a day or two a week and I kept asking him about whether we were going to be together or not. Then one day he told me "I think I'm done" and said he was sorry. He said he was still attracted to me and loved me, but that he "can't take care of me" and needs to focus on fixing his life. We've spoken since then and seen each other so he could bring me some of my belongings, and our conversation was pleasant.
We were best friends in the realest sense when we were together, and if the way we interacted when he dropped by some of my things was any indicator, we still are. I had read some of your site and decided that avoiding speaking about our relationship was for the best. I had a lot of anxiety about driving because of a bad crash I was in, so I only recently got my permit after we broke up. When we hung out and he heard this, he seemed excited and offered to give me some driving lessons in his car (which I rejected kindly until I'm more skilled). Basically, he was friendly and happy when I saw him. Since then I've not contacted him except to ask that he brings our dog's food by when he can. I've been following the NC rule, exercising/eating more healthily to restore my body to its former glory, learning to drive, and trying to be more independent. I'm scared because of how I messed up during the first two weeks of the breakup and hope that "I think I'm done" doesn't mean that we don't have a shot of any romantic future together. I hope that taking better care of myself, therapy, and being more independent can help him think of our relationship of the truly amazing thing that it once was. When him and I met initially, he tried desperately to get with me for four months. I was the hot girl who was waaay out of his league. It drives me nuts being in this position.
Do you think that it's too late for us? Do you think that I have a shot at winning him back, and if so, where do I begin? Please give me some insight! Thanks, Kevin!
I don't think it's too late for you and you do have a shot. You already know what to do, just follow the plan.
I don't think it's too late for you and you do have a shot. You already know what to do, just follow the plan.
Hey Kevin,
I came to an extremely busy time in my life these past few months and I took my ex for granted. I was tired, distant, and unaffectionate. She found someone that was very sweet to her and it gave her the strength to walk away after dating me for 2 years. She was obviously so in love with me up until the end and always talked about getting married and whatnot. Her leaving stunned me. Before our relationship began I was aware that the longest she had gone without a relationship was 2 months. She hangs out with this guy a lot because I think it helps her not miss me so much. He asked her to be his gf and she said no and informed me about it. We've both struggled to stay true to no contact, especially me. Has periodically texting her and pouring my heart out over this last week or 2 been a deal breaker? Can I start now and have it work? She claims to be very confused but knows that she felt like she got to a point where she felt stuck. Do I stand a chance? Also, we are both going back to our same home town this summer and staying very busy with work while her new distraction lives 2 hours away. What is my % chance of her reaching out to me?
Yes, you do have a chance if you start right now.
Yes, you do have a chance if you start right now.
Hi kevin Sorry for writing a long paragaraph but please read it and help me out. I broke up with my gf a year ago and we were together for a year , everything was going fine for around six months But after things started going wrong because she also had a ex and i also have someone whom i love from my school days but never contacted her , she always talk of her ex and i used to think i should be with that girl whom i love and from there things started going erong and after a time my freind came into contact with my gf and he started playing games and she also used to talk to her , when i used to call her she seems to busy with him every time and i dont like this , he used to give him gifts also she used to take that Even after i say dont take but i had never cheated on her and didnt tried talk to any girl even with the girl whom i love .
So due to my freind things started going worst because he played games from both sides and manipulated both of us because he tells wrong things about us to each of us and we use to fight because of him. and one night i broke up with her. Then she was back with her ex and we both are in regular contact since then as best freinds because she always calls me when ever she is sad , in any difficulty or any other thing even when there is fight with her bf , in any situation if its small or big or even the most personal thing she shares everything with me only and same as i do. And i havnt contacted any girl since i broke up with her because i was happy with her and i want to be with only her i miss her a lot even though we both are freinds but i want her to be my gf . and when i talk to some other girl she minds and dont feel happy for this. Now recently she broke up with her ex and is alone, her ex was pathetic as she told me everything about her , i was unable to beleive how someone can be with this type of guy , he used to torture her and abuse her dosnt love or respect or even dnt trust her and She always used to cry in front of me then i used to make her feel good . is there a chance of getting her back?i always miss her and want her back. Hope u undrstanded my story
kevin...
im desperately inlove with my guy but we broke up because of his family...
its a matter of christian and muslim. i dont know what to do...
Hey,
You should apply no contact and give yourself some time to think things through. IF there is no future with him (because of religion), you should move on.
Hey,
You should apply no contact and give yourself some time to think things through. IF there is no future with him (because of religion), you should move on.
I broke up with my non-committal ex after he said that he'd been leading me on and he couldn't see us ever having a future together. I also found out that he'd been involved with a girl at his work (not the first time) but he doesn't know I know this. I told him we should keep it casual then as I still wanted to see him but then I realised I was being ridiculous when he started being really offish and nasty with me. This was a week ago and I haven't contacted him since. He called me a few days ago and asked if I wanted him to help with something that I'd told him I needed done as he knew that I would be in his area that evening as I have evening class near his house. I told him that I wasn't going to my evening class that week as my tutor was off and I couldn't come round as I was going out. He said 'ok, enjoy your date!' And although I wasn't going on a date I just said 'ok then' cheerily rather than explaining that I wasn't as I know he was hoping I would say that I wasn't going on a date. He just laughed like he was a bit stunned and said 'ok then, bye'.
My questions are: 1. Did he call me to be helpful or did he want to seem me? 2. Did me suggesting I was going on a date make him run a mile as I haven't heard a word from him since...
Thanks,
Sophie
Hey,
He probably called to see how you are doing and wondering whether or not you are moving on. I think you did the right thing by not trying to defend yourself. Whether or not you are going on a date is none of his business. You should read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hey,
He probably called to see how you are doing and wondering whether or not you are moving on. I think you did the right thing by not trying to defend yourself. Whether or not you are going on a date is none of his business. You should read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hi Kevin,
Just need a little guidance please. My ex and I were on and off for 18 months. Both been badly hurt in the past. He freaked out and said he wasn't ready for commitment but I was his best friend and he didn't want to lose me. I made all the mistakes you've mentioned above. Now I know there are other girls he is dating and talking to. He plays hot and cold one week nice texts one week nasty ones, sometimes nothing. I haven't contacted him for 13 days now and am trying to focus on myself and improving myself. I also haven't heard from him. This is the longest we've gone without talking since we met. With these new girls, have I lost him for good? Or is there a chance I will hear from hmm? I still think about him everyday and don't feel that him not being in my life is right. Please help.
You haven't lost him and just because he is talking to other girls doesn't mean he will be over you. You should continue with the plan.
You haven't lost him and just because he is talking to other girls doesn't mean he will be over you. You should continue with the plan.
I have a question regarding the no contact rule...
My ex broke up with me due to that I for the last year was taking distance from him (as I was hurt from some things he had done). Hence...I was acting cold even though I always loved him. In total we were together for three years Now he had enough and broke up for good (as he said). I have fallen for every mistake and been extremely needy since this happened...and I have tried to explain to him that it was all a misunderstanding...but he seems not to care. He is so good at being cold...and block me out. He has taken away every opportunity for us to repair the relationship or start over...as I left to my home country after he broke up. Now he is isolating me from the life I had there with him...
What should I do? Does these rules (5 steps) still apply to me?
Yes, they do. Follow it.
Yes, they do. Follow it.
Hi Kevin! Did you get my long story and question? Please answer when you get a chance!
Hey Steph,
Sorry I can't find your comment. Is it possible to post it again? Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Steph,
Sorry I can't find your comment. Is it possible to post it again? Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
I'm 20, he is 21 and we have been childhood friends. We dated back when I was 17 for about two months. Recently we have started talking on snapchat, tumblr, and facebook. He has a girlfriend now and it has been a long time since I've seen him. He seems happy with his relationship and I haven't made any moves. I've changed since my immature teen years and I feel like we have chemistry. Should I give it a try?
Yes, you should.
Yes, you should.
My ex is also my colleague. We even sit in the same room, soo 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I cant hide.
I need help, and I cant find any on the subject.
It's day 10 on the NC role.
Hey,
It'll be hard but you need to apply limited contact. Treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
Hey,
It'll be hard but you need to apply limited contact. Treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with.
Kevin,
I am a 36 year old woman and my Boyfriend is 32. We have been together for 5 years and lived together for 4. I have a 13 and 10 year old daughter and son. He is their step-dad for all intents and purposes. We are breaking up and he is moving out in a week. The situation is incredibly amicable and we have had some of the best and most loving conversations in the past 2 days than we have had in the last year. The break up was initiated by him. We both suffer from depression but his is more severe and deep rooted than mine. He feels that we are toxic to each other at this time and we need to be apart to work on ourselves if we have a chance at a longer relationship. I agree for the most part but feel desperate to stay together. I want to use no contact but he has made it clear that he wants to stay in our lives and continue to see each other. I think 30 days is very reasonable but 2 weeks after he leaves will be my daughter's 14th birthday. It will be very important for all of us for him to be there. How should I handle this? Should we spend the day together, have fun and not talk about "issues" and then resume no contact for the 30 days or does this encounter foul everything up and will I need to reset the no contact period? Thank you for this site. I have read many of the articles and I think that your advice is sound. I feel very thankful to have found it so early in my breakup.
Yes, you should do exactly as you said. But you should not reset no contact unless you feel it's necessary. 30 days is more of guideline. If at the end of 30 days, you don't feel like you are ready to get back in touch, you can extend it.
Yes, you should do exactly as you said. But you should not reset no contact unless you feel it's necessary. 30 days is more of guideline. If at the end of 30 days, you don't feel like you are ready to get back in touch, you can extend it.
Hey.. I will try to sum this up..
My ex and I broke up officially in November (we had been having a rough patch for awhile). We dated for over a year and lived together. I am 23 and he turned 26 last week. We still talked a little bit at that time. He got me a really nice gift for Christmas and we hungout a few days after Christmas, we talked about getting back together.. A couple days later he completely changed and said we shouldn't talk anymore. I became very needy and naggy and pushed him to being really hateful and he told me to never talk to him again. I listened and didn't say much other than him getting the rest of his stuff from my apartment (we had lived together). We haven't really talked since January. I found out last week that he has a new girlfriend. Is that a rebound? What do you think I should do? We have done NC for 3 months.
You should wait another 3 weeks and then get back in touch. It's possible that it's a rebound.
You should wait another 3 weeks and then get back in touch. It's possible that it's a rebound.
Hey Kevin. Thanks for all the great advice so far.
After three weeks of further no contact, I contacted my ex and we resolved all the issues and answered all questions regarding our breakup. He was very interested in my health as I am undergoing some treatment and he offered much support and advice. That's the day I posted the letter before I spoke to him because I didn't think he would. He also said that it's possible to be friends again but friendships take a while to build up and wont happen overnight, he also adopted the attitude that if we become friends great if not then oh well. And it shouldn't be forced. I know he has received the letter but hasn't said a word about it. Today when I messaged him regarding some of his clothes he ignored me flat. When I messaged him later that day I asked him again he said that he doesn't want it back and he's busy. It's possible that I came off a tad bit needy. He has used this friendship idea to try and get us back on track after a rough patch but unfortunately we had to break off because of circumstances regarding my health. How do I proceed from here regarding this friendship? Also did the letter do any harm? I followed and joined two formats one of yours and one of Ryan Rivers.
Again thank for such wonderful advice
I don't think the letter did any harm. Since you've already established contact and open communication, you should just take it slow, have fun and follow the blueprint in relationship rewind.
P.S. when we spoke I said that he probably moved on, he laughed and said that he never said such a thing. I do however know that he is seeing someone else
I don't think the letter did any harm. Since you've already established contact and open communication, you should just take it slow, have fun and follow the blueprint in relationship rewind.
P.S. when we spoke I said that he probably moved on, he laughed and said that he never said such a thing. I do however know that he is seeing someone else
Hey Kevin,
I just recollected that on those days that our relationship went bad, she used to play and sing the song by Pink, "just give me a reason" and she would point me by her finger when it said, "Right from the start you were a thief, you stole me heat and I your willing victim" and then singing the "just give me a reason, just a little one" part as loud as possible while nodding her head saying no! I truly hope after the severe argument we had and no contact she be still looking for a reason because I have already started making changes in me at least in my appearance.
Thank you!
That's cute. You'll give her plenty of reasons if you follow the plan. Cheers!
That's cute. You'll give her plenty of reasons if you follow the plan. Cheers!
Dear Kevin,
My boyfriend of three years broke up with me a month ago. He said he wants to enjoy the single life and wants to have fun with friends as much as possible. I have subscribed to your e-mails and they have helped me a lot in dealing with the breakup, however, I still contacted him throughout this month, most of the times begging and pleading for him to come back. He said he want to be there for me but only as a friend and we agreed on meeting up to help me with stuff related to my studies. However, out of the blues, he told me that he doesn't want to talk to me or contact me again and that he is doing it for my own good. He said that he knows that he is going to regret letting me go in the future, but for now he just wants to be single. I am kind of hoping that by not contacting him, he would eventually come back. But will he come back even if he initiated the NC in the first place?
No contact is effective even if he initiated it.
No contact is effective even if he initiated it.
Dear Kevin,
I am not sure if my question came up on this page? I asked about if the 5 step plan will work with my ex (he is 36 and I am 28, we were together for 3 years) as:
1) I acted distant and cold towards him during the last year of our relationship and almost intentionally pushed him away (due to that I was hurt by something he did). In the end he had enough and broke up with me. He told me that he has realized that he never really loved me and that he never wants me in his life anymore. This was two months ago. During this time I have gone from being shocked, to angry, to sad and begging desperately. There was a period where I stayed with no contact, but when we spoke after that he told me that the time without me is making him feel more and more sure about that we should never be together again.
2) We worked and lived together (and have for all the time we were together)
3) When he broke up I decided to come back to my own country for a while as I could not stand to work and live with him as he was dating other women from the next day. Also, at work he made it so hard to work with him. Now I regret to have left so fast as he has totally isolated me and is making it very hard for me to even get my job back. He does not let me come back even to try to solve everything to be friends. He refuses to even let me come back to the apartment to get my things, he tells me there is no need, he will send it to me. He is also very cold and between being angry and indifferent of my attempts to talk to him. I have tried everything. He refuses. I know he is going to therapy (and so am I to be able to become stronger)...and I think that the therapist has made him believe that we should not be together, that it is bad for him (as it was when he started therapy that he took the decision to break up). So...I really wonder if your method will work with him....I wish so. Do you have any tips? And is there anything additional I should think about when I apply your method due to our circumstances?
I am so confused, I love him deeply and wish I could have done things differently. I would be so grateful for your help...
Hey S,
I replied to your comment here.
Hey S,
I replied to your comment here.
Hi,
First of all, sorry for mistakes - English is not my native language ;)
My boyfriend broke up with me last Saturday. We were together for 3 months.
Before we were together, he was trying so hard to be my boyfriend. I was skeptical. But eventually I said YES - it took him about 1,5 month.
In the beginning of our relationship he was very excited about it, I was cool and calm.
Those 3 months was great. We had so much fun together. We had the same plans to the future, similar opinions, we even share our passions. I met his family and friends. He was happy and excited. I thought he was very serious about our relationship... He said he adore me, I am unique, we are lucky that we met etc...
Suddenly, he became... strange. He had a distance. I made him told me, what's going on.
He told me: "I don't know what I feel. I don't know when I will feel something.
I don't know what I want. I don't know I am ready for serious relationship.
I am not happy with myself. I don't know what I want in life. I want to be alone.
Something is wrong with me, I am the one who was always dumped by girls... "
But he also said I am special. It's not easy to find someone like me and we understand each other without words.
He told we he had doubts before, but didn’t want to make me sad.
Seriously, he was REALLY happy. Excited. He smiled all the time. I know he really cared about me – he was so supportive… I saw it in his eyes that he care ;) He was even happier than me… and much more emotional.
Well... when it comes to feelings. for me it was too soon to feel... love? It was too soon to know: this is IT.
We even agreed to take things slow, when it comes to feelings...
I know, we are great together. We had so much in common. we are alike, and we understand each other. We had only one "fight" during our relationship. I know, we had chance for something REAL.
We respect each other and we had so much fun...
Maybe I became too involved? Too predictable? Devoted?
He also had some "crisis" - about job, life, everything...
In the beginning he was VERY excited. Is it possible, he only wants what he can't have...?
I don't know...
We don't talk to each other. No facebook, texting. Nothing.
We are going to see each other twice a week - same school dance...
I saw him twice - I said "hi" and that's it. He seems to me... sad? He hasn't that joy he had before…
Is there a chance for us?
Thank you in advance...
M.
There is a chance for you but I'll recommend that you don't waste any more time on him. You've just invested 3 months in the relationship and you don't know him well enough to realize whether or not he has the potential to be a long term partner. It'll be better if you concentrate your efforts in moving on.
There is a chance for you but I'll recommend that you don't waste any more time on him. You've just invested 3 months in the relationship and you don't know him well enough to realize whether or not he has the potential to be a long term partner. It'll be better if you concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Hey Kevin,
I wrote you already, but you didn’t reply, I really hope you will help me?
My relationship with this guy was never defined. As soon as we met, he began to write me frequently. But from the beginning he said that he don’t want the relationship because he just break up one relationship, and does not like to rush.
However, he still wrote me often.
He lives in another city, so we rarely could see each other.
Our contact, (friendship) lasted 4mj
We were together our last month, but it was never official...(he was very undecided about us). Then he became cold and he told me that we should just be friends. I made all the mistakes you talked about,I was hurt.
And then he started to ignore me…
So now it’s been 1 month from our no contact ... and he just contacted me first. He congratulated Easter, and behaved normally. I waited a week and write him first, he responded immediately, and was pleasant, the next day he wrote me (first) again. (we have a lot of common hobbies, but we don’t talk about us)
But the problem is that it he is in another city, somehow everything is going slower and more difficult to arrange meeting. So it is harder to return to bliss stage. And I still don’t know whether he answered out of politeness, or he really miss me, whether he wants friendship or he really miss me??
I don’t know exactly what to do now.
I don’t know if I have the chance romantically with him?? Because our relation was short.
I am afraid that I will suffer again, because he meant a lot to me, and we were very close then.
Should I write him first and how often, or should I wait for him to contact me first? When should I try to arrange meeting?
Can you give me advice or opinion?
Thank you very much
Hey Martina,
There is a very good chance that you will get hurt again. It's possible that he is not yet over his relationship and he was just using you as a rebound. If you decide to pursue him, be prepared for another heartbreak. The alternative of course, is to cut him off completely and move on, instead of investing more time in a relationship with an uncertain future.
If you do decide to pursue him, contact him every 2-3 days and try to arrange a meeting after 1-2 months of contact (depending on how he responds and how much he initiates contact).
Thank you for your response, I appreciate it
I never thought of it like that (that he was using me as a rebound). Because that relationship (before me) didn’t last long ,6moths
I asked him whether he suffers for that girl still, he said –NO, he just don’t like to jump from relationship to relationship, and that now he needs space (but he behaved differently).
I think he was disappointed with all previous experiences with girls.
From the beginning I told him that I will give him space if he needs, because of a past relationship, and that i understand that.
But at the end he said that it's best for us to be friends.
I think he got the wrong image that I strongly want realtioship, maybe i done something wrong I don’t know? I really wanted give him space but maybe I fail in that I don’t know :/
And if you're right if he was using me as a rebound , why does he contact me again??
Now I can say that he write often, mostly first, in these few days he initiated contact, and it’s very cool to me
Should I be concerned that he only wants a friendly relationship, maybe he really just see me as friend?
If you are a rebound, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have any feelings for you. It means mostly that he does like you and you provide him comfort, but he is not over his previous relationship to fully commit to you.
Regardless, if he is not willing to commit to a relationship, and you do, then isn't it better for you to find someone who is ready to commit?
If you are a rebound, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have any feelings for you. It means mostly that he does like you and you provide him comfort, but he is not over his previous relationship to fully commit to you.
Regardless, if he is not willing to commit to a relationship, and you do, then isn't it better for you to find someone who is ready to commit?
If you are a rebound, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have any feelings for you. It means mostly that he does like you and you provide him comfort, but he is not over his previous relationship to fully commit to you.
Regardless, if he is not willing to commit to a relationship, and you do, then isn't it better for you to find someone who is ready to commit?
If you are a rebound, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have any feelings for you. It means mostly that he does like you and you provide him comfort, but he is not over his previous relationship to fully commit to you.
Regardless, if he is not willing to commit to a relationship, and you do, then isn't it better for you to find someone who is ready to commit?
Thank you for your response, I appreciate it
I never thought of it like that (that he was using me as a rebound). Because that relationship (before me) didn’t last long ,6moths
I asked him whether he suffers for that girl still, he said –NO, he just don’t like to jump from relationship to relationship, and that now he needs space (but he behaved differently).
I think he was disappointed with all previous experiences with girls.
From the beginning I told him that I will give him space if he needs, because of a past relationship, and that i understand that.
But at the end he said that it's best for us to be friends.
I think he got the wrong image that I strongly want realtioship, maybe i done something wrong I don’t know? I really wanted give him space but maybe I fail in that I don’t know :/
And if you're right if he was using me as a rebound , why does he contact me again??
Now I can say that he write often, mostly first, in these few days he initiated contact, and it’s very cool to me
Should I be concerned that he only wants a friendly relationship, maybe he really just see me as friend?
Thank you for your response, I appreciate it
I never thought of it like that (that he was using me as a rebound). Because that relationship (before me) didn’t last long ,6moths
I asked him whether he suffers for that girl still, he said –NO, he just don’t like to jump from relationship to relationship, and that now he needs space (but he behaved differently).
I think he was disappointed with all previous experiences with girls.
From the beginning I told him that I will give him space if he needs, because of a past relationship, and that i understand that.
But at the end he said that it's best for us to be friends.
I think he got the wrong image that I strongly want realtioship, maybe i done something wrong I don’t know? I really wanted give him space but maybe I fail in that I don’t know :/
And if you're right if he was using me as a rebound , why does he contact me again??
Now I can say that he write often, mostly first, in these few days he initiated contact, and it’s very cool to me
Should I be concerned that he only wants a friendly relationship, maybe he really just see me as friend?
Hey Martina,
There is a very good chance that you will get hurt again. It's possible that he is not yet over his relationship and he was just using you as a rebound. If you decide to pursue him, be prepared for another heartbreak. The alternative of course, is to cut him off completely and move on, instead of investing more time in a relationship with an uncertain future.
If you do decide to pursue him, contact him every 2-3 days and try to arrange a meeting after 1-2 months of contact (depending on how he responds and how much he initiates contact).
Hi Kevin. My ex broke up with me a few days ago. I really want to get back together again with him. The main reason we broke up is because i've been stressed over my third and final year of law school and he's suffered two deaths, both young and close to him. The problem is we have a holiday booked on the 24th of this month so I don't know how to go about the NC. Any advice please?
Do no contact till one week before the holiday. Contact him to gauge his level of interest. If he is cold, cancel the holidays. If he is warm and receptive, then ask him if he wants to go for it.
Do no contact till one week before the holiday. Contact him to gauge his level of interest. If he is cold, cancel the holidays. If he is warm and receptive, then ask him if he wants to go for it.
I have been talking and going out with a guy for six months. We never dated other people but also we were never official. When we did hang out it was fun and he was affectionate. I never slept with him because I didn't want to unless we were official. He respected that. In December I got upset because I saw on one of his friends' facebooks he delivered desserts to her work. I deleted him from facebook because I was upset. He explained to me she was just a friend and I need to trust him so I told myself I'd trust him eventhough I have trust issues because my ex bf of 2 years cheated on me.
He never added me back on facebook because he said he was mad I deleted it, and he said he doesn't like facebook much and he said I rely on it too much for reassurance. We talked every day mostly texting and sometimes he called. We saw each other once a week from end of Sept til end of January. He was stressed with a work project in February and became distant. He was out of town on business all of February and part of March. I know for a fact it was on business because my neighbor said he was out of town for the same project and works for the same company. Before his trip I mentioned being in a relationship and he said I was going too fast and he doesn't want to be serious before a trip because it didn't work out with someone else in the past before a trip. I was sad but I accepted it. During his trip he texted me every day and called a few times. When he came back we got in a fight because he didn't make plans with me and he said I didn't understand him that he's dealing with a lot right now and it's nothing against me.
I said I understand you're dealing with a lot but you could have made time for me. He said sorry but he doesn't have time to give me now because he's dealing with alot and he kept saying I don't understand him.. We didn't talk for about nineteen days. Then he started talking to me for almost two weeks without asking me to hang out. We got in a fight one night because he got mad that I said if I find someone who wants a relationship while he's in Oklahoma I'd go with him. I said sorry and I didn't mean it and I texted him a lot that night (I was in a crying spell) because he was ignoring me saying he won't respond to anymore of my messages and he called me crazy. I asked if we can hang out again and he said no that I pushed him too far. but then he apologized and said he forgave me. So we started talking again and I thought he'd ask me to hang out since he forgave me. Two weeks ago he went with his family on a trip and was talking to me during his trip too. He was talking to me every day the past few weeks until April 5 when I got mad that he didn't ask me to hang out when he came back.
I asked if he was seeing someone else and he said no. He never liked my insecurities and I told him I'm working on it and he knows I was cheated on by my ex and my dad has been emotionally abusive so that's why I've been insecure. I told him I was going out and he said cool. While I was out I snapped at him in a text. I said I'm moving on because I hadn't seen him in almost three months (I understand he was out of town for 6 weeks out of those two and a half months) but I deserve someone who makes more time for me. He never responded. I don't know if he just doesn't care or is shocked I said that.
I felt guilty for what I said so the next day I said sorry for being harsh I just am upset you didn't make plans with me. Every day this week I've been trying to get in touch with him and he ignores me so I've given up. I want him to see that I'm worth a relationship and worth spending time with again. The last thing I said to him was this is hell for me. He never responded. I am so depressed. I didn't contact him for 14 days and then this past Wednesday I emailed saying that I hope him and his family had a good Easter. He didn't respond. I can't concentrate at work and I come home and just lay down because I feel so empty. I've stopped trying because I don't want to seem more desperate.What should I do? Just give it time? Do I have a chance of him contacting me again and seeing that I'm worthy of spending time with?
Yes, there's a chance. You should continue with no contact for another 1-2 months. I think you need to learn to be happy without him in your life before getting back in touch with him.
Work on your insecuirity issues,men don't want a woman with one.
Yes, there's a chance. You should continue with no contact for another 1-2 months. I think you need to learn to be happy without him in your life before getting back in touch with him.
Work on your insecuirity issues,men don't want a woman with one.
Hi Kevin,
She is 42, i am 28. To cut a long story short, we were together a month, met on Tinder... we fell in love, she said deeply so, then all of a sudden she turned on me and ended things, the other day i found out it was because she wasnt feeling the same and wasnt feeling us, wanted me to be more confident, more assured in myself, less worshipping of her (i admit i did this when we was together) and to be more mysterious and not give it all away right away. she told me she was on tinder agaiun but didnt want to meet anyone, just chatting as she was bored, she told me to move on. i text her the next day to tell her i'm already working on myself, and that i was back on tinder....she text back saying "s### - i kinda felt jealous that you are on tinder :(" i didnt reply, a few hours later she called to see what i was doing, and will call later, what do i do? can i get her back?
Yes you can. But do you really see a future with her? I think you should apply no contact for a while. I don't want to discourage you, but have you thought about what you want in the future and whether or not she wants the same thing. A huge age gap as yours can cause some serious trouble down the road when things get serious.
Yes you can. But do you really see a future with her? I think you should apply no contact for a while. I don't want to discourage you, but have you thought about what you want in the future and whether or not she wants the same thing. A huge age gap as yours can cause some serious trouble down the road when things get serious.
Hi Kevin
I need answer her texting with Good Morning, or not answer in no contact period?
Don't answer.
Don't answer.
My boyfriend broke up with me like 3 weeks ago, and i have being calling and texting him since it happened,there hasn't being a day i wouldn't text him, he has being replying me though but in a rude and angry manner, this makes me cry always, i try not to call or text him but its soo difficult doing that.
You will have to do that if you want to get him back.
You will have to do that if you want to get him back.
Hi there,
I read all this but I just don't know. I broke up with my ex and found out later on two weeks after our relationship that he was dating someone else. We have been together in a four year relationship, long distance but at the same time he said he was angry and the situation changed. They've been seeing each other since March 10th and I've finally just given up.
The first month of dating they were already confessing their love on Twitter, posting song lyrics to each other and now I'm confused if this is really love or just a rebound and that I should just go NC to wait it out but at the same time heal.
I think it's a rebound. You should go NC and wait it out.
I think it's a rebound. You should go NC and wait it out.
Hi. So about two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I (we were together 15 months) started a no-contact break that will last until the end of May or early June. He is currently in his home country for his job and to see his family (which was unrelated to the break, just a timing coincidence). I have had a very difficult time with the break, but I also just had a complicated family emergency come up. While I am dealing with this and pretty much only thinking and taking care of this situation, he is also on my mind, because I would have turned to him had we been together. He found out about my situation and sent me a text. All in all, it was incredibly short, two texts each, only about this specific situation, not about us. I think that I should continue to be no-contact, but I am very confused. While I feel like I really really need him, I think that this isn't the time for us to talk about our relationship, simply because an extraordinary event might bring us together temporarily, but won't fix any problems. Plus he is in another country and wouldn't be able to do anything anyway. I believe he is thinking the same thing, and is conflicted about contacting me again because he knows I am consumed by the situation and it might be inappropriate, but I also keep thinking if he doesn't contact me again, he must be a huge jerk. It's only been a day, and while I'm not expecting or waiting on him, part of me is hoping that he will check up on me again. What do you think is appropriate?
If he is contacting about the emergency, you should respond to him and keep it short. You are right about not trying to get him back right now. Let everything settle down and make sure you read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the 5 step plan before ending no contact.
If he is contacting about the emergency, you should respond to him and keep it short. You are right about not trying to get him back right now. Let everything settle down and make sure you read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 in the 5 step plan before ending no contact.
Hey Kevin!
It's me again, but this time i really make it short, i've got only one question for you.
What do you think, what is the BEST reaction, if we call our ex on phone, we ask them for a meeting to catch up, and they say "YOU KNOW I WON'T CHANGE MY MIND" ? Cause i can't say 'hey we are friends', because friend is what i don't want to be! i can't say him 'why?' or any convincing talks.. should i ignore it with an "okay" ?
It's my ex's style, i am only preparing myself for the worst possibilities. When we first broke up in the past, and i called him after 3 days , he just kept saying this, even when we met, but after a 20-minute talk he finally admitted that he can't live without me.. but this time i don't want to convince him, i just want to spend some good time with him :( but maybe this is only a dream in my head..
I'll recommend you ignore the question. Or say something like, "Come on, it's just coffee. It doesn't really mean anything."
I'll recommend you ignore the question. Or say something like, "Come on, it's just coffee. It doesn't really mean anything."
HELP! so my bf broke up with me last week but i kept bothering him until he finally decided to block my number from him phone and block me from fb. he did unblock me but then i continued ugh now that i know about this i feel like i messed up bad however i still have my twitter and instagram where everyone (including him) can view it...should i block it all or leave it open and try to flaunt happiness and me talking to other guys? what should i do!!!! is it too late? he knows i always try to contact him either i'll leave messages or try to add him on stuff i'm always there is it too late!!
Don't make it completely obvious that you are trying to make him jealous. You don't have to delete him unless it's making you obsess over him.
Don't make it completely obvious that you are trying to make him jealous. You don't have to delete him unless it's making you obsess over him.
Question about the no contact rule
So my ex and I broke up about two-three weeks ago. A couple weeks after our 1 year anniversary. I had a problem with my ex being hot and cold. One moment they're in love and want only me, can see us together, and doesn't want anyone else, then the next they want to just be friends and see other people. Saying that they aren't ready to commit but don't want to lose me, yada yada, all the cliches. This is the longest we've ever gone without speaking however I can tell they are taking me serious. My ex only reached out 3 times (saying they hope I have a good weekend & the only reason they haven't called me is because they think I want it this way & they never stopped loving me). Well I have not responded. Not even an inkling. My ex, today has sent me an email saying they still would like to take me out for my birthday (which is Monday). Should I reply back. I miss my ex and I'm sure she feels the same.
What do I do. Do I respond to the email today? If she calls/text me for my birthday should I respond at least with thanks.
Appreciate the help/advice.
If she wishes you, respond but keep it short. I'll recommend you keep no contact and don't go out with her on your birthday. Follow the 5 step plan.
If she wishes you, respond but keep it short. I'll recommend you keep no contact and don't go out with her on your birthday. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hey,
Me and my ex were together a lil over 2 years. At the end of our relationship he told me he didn't feel the connection he once had for me. But he still loved and wanted to be with me. And wanted to try and fix it. We took it slow, not really talking or seeing each other. About a week and a half later we broke up bc I found out he was seeing another girl. He told me he was bad for me and I need someone better and to get him out my life. This happend at the end of March. I would text him asking diff questions. He would sometimes reply and sometimes not. Then 3 weeks after we broke up, he gets a new gf. I asked how he could move on so fast. He said he had to do what was best for him and that's he's moved on. He's currently in Marine corps boot camp training. He left April 28th. We met up before he left. He couldn't even look me in my eyes. But he apologized for how things happened. And he said he's only known his new gf for 3 months and its probably not even going work out since he's going to be gone for 3 months. He also mentioned that he got with her so he wouldn't have to think or stress over what happened with us. But he still thinks about it anyways. But then he said he likes her and wouldn't be with her if he didn't. So Idk if she's a rebound or not. It seems like he really does like her so I really don't know. When we said goodbye we both started crying. I asked why he cried if he didn't want to be with me and he said bc he still loves me and that it's sad that it's over but it's time to move on and we're not going to be together. I pretty much have no choice but to do the no contact since over there, there's no contact only thru letters and idk the address. I'm hoping he'll write me but I have a feeling he won't. Idk what to do.
Sorry this is so long I just wanted to make sure everything was there. Thanks.
Hey Annie,
It's probably a rebound. You should apply no contact till he comes back and follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Annie,
It's probably a rebound. You should apply no contact till he comes back and follow the 5 step plan.
He kicked me out because I wouldn't have an abortion with his baby and now he won't talk to me at all. I was somewhat needy and text him about 6 times no response so should I just not contact anymore?
You should accept he is a jerk and not contact him anymore. Apply no contact and realize that you and your baby are better off without him in your life.
You should accept he is a jerk and not contact him anymore. Apply no contact and realize that you and your baby are better off without him in your life.
Hey Kevin, my ex and I broke up 2 months ago and I tried the no contact rule and he started calling me within 2 weeks and I ignored his calls but after the no contact I called him and he asked me if I was getting married or dating anyone...I am confused because he says he doesn't want to get back but keeps calling...he tells me that he loves me but went too far away...what should I do?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin
I followed the no contact rule and my ex contacted me after 32 days. We hadn't exactly broken up.She told me "I THINK it's over...." before i told her to take some time off and really think about it.I then went into no contact. She texted me saying "hello....it took me a week to send you just a hello" and that she didn't know what to say further.I talked to her very casually....like an acquaintance. We haven't talked about the relationship or the break up yet. She's contacted me thrice till now. I want to get back but don't know how to steer the conversation to that point. Help!
Don't try to steer the conversation to that point. Just have fun with her and try to meet up. Let it be her idea to get back together.
Is it okay if I initiate conversations from my side ? and what if I ask her to meet and she refuses ( genuine reason or not).....it will spoil things.
Yes, it's OK. If she refuses, then you back off for a while and apply no contact again for at least two weeks.
You've been of great help Kevin. Just one more thing. I initiated the conversation from my side but now i feel she's kind of going back into her shell and seems disinterested. I really don't understand. I have been talking casually, but every now and then she gives one word replies to my texts...like "oh" "okay" "hhmm". it's hard to continue the conversation. why contact and then do this after the first few conversations.
She is becoming cold. I think you should back off a little bit. Stay no contact for a week or two.
She is becoming cold. I think you should back off a little bit. Stay no contact for a week or two.
She is becoming cold. I think you should back off a little bit. Stay no contact for a week or two.
She is becoming cold. I think you should back off a little bit. Stay no contact for a week or two.
She is becoming cold. I think you should back off a little bit. Stay no contact for a week or two.
She is becoming cold. I think you should back off a little bit. Stay no contact for a week or two.
You've been of great help Kevin. Just one more thing. I initiated the conversation from my side but now i feel she's kind of going back into her shell and seems disinterested. I really don't understand. I have been talking casually, but every now and then she gives one word replies to my texts...like "oh" "okay" "hhmm". it's hard to continue the conversation. why contact and then do this after the first few conversations.
You've been of great help Kevin. Just one more thing. I initiated the conversation from my side but now i feel she's kind of going back into her shell and seems disinterested. I really don't understand. I have been talking casually, but every now and then she gives one word replies to my texts...like "oh" "okay" "hhmm". it's hard to continue the conversation. why contact and then do this after the first few conversations.
You've been of great help Kevin. Just one more thing. I initiated the conversation from my side but now i feel she's kind of going back into her shell and seems disinterested. I really don't understand. I have been talking casually, but every now and then she gives one word replies to my texts...like "oh" "okay" "hhmm". it's hard to continue the conversation. why contact and then do this after the first few conversations.
You've been of great help Kevin. Just one more thing. I initiated the conversation from my side but now i feel she's kind of going back into her shell and seems disinterested. I really don't understand. I have been talking casually, but every now and then she gives one word replies to my texts...like "oh" "okay" "hhmm". it's hard to continue the conversation. why contact and then do this after the first few conversations.
Yes, it's OK. If she refuses, then you back off for a while and apply no contact again for at least two weeks.
Yes, it's OK. If she refuses, then you back off for a while and apply no contact again for at least two weeks.
Yes, it's OK. If she refuses, then you back off for a while and apply no contact again for at least two weeks.
Is it okay if I initiate conversations from my side ? and what if I ask her to meet and she refuses ( genuine reason or not).....it will spoil things.
Is it okay if I initiate conversations from my side ? and what if I ask her to meet and she refuses ( genuine reason or not).....it will spoil things.
Don't try to steer the conversation to that point. Just have fun with her and try to meet up. Let it be her idea to get back together.
My ex broke up with me a few days ago and its the hardest thing i've ever had to come to turns with, I honestly just expected him to always be in my life.
I'm about to start my final year exams at uni so trying to balance revision with how i'm feeling right now seems like such an impossible task, i've been spending most of my time trying to work out what went wrong and how I can prove to him things would change if we got back together again.
The reason he split up with me is not because of cheating or anything like that. There are several parts to it.
1) I have serious trust issues from other relationships, because they continually lied and cheated on me.
2) I get very stressed out around exams - i'm not the nicest of people to be around right now
3) we lived together at uni but i've been home for a month revising for my exams. I think we were struggling with being apart.
4) he's just lost two people very close to him, a close friend and his cousin. Both young (23 and 30).
5) he's only just found out that someone in his family may have cancer.
6) I was starting arguments for no reason.
Pretty much a lot has been going on in both our lives, i've had a bit of family problems myself also. I think a combination of all of the above plus more has just led him to give up on me. I think my behaviour towards him hasn't helped him in the slightest and probably made him feel a lot worse.
The problem is I really do love him, and I want him back, we have a lot of plans together - a holiday in 3 weeks. And we were moving to Aus together in Sept for the year. I feel like i've lost my best friend and my future.
When we were happy together it really was the most amazing perfect relationship and i couldn't ask for a kinder more caring boyfriend. He always tried to make me happy and buy me little surprises, or go the extra mile in helping me out with uni work or even just cooking me lovely meals. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without him.
Additionally I do trust him - i never have thought he'd cheat on me or anything like that, but at the same time it doesn't stop me worrying.
He's got a lot on at the moment with funeral plans and being with his family. My first exam is on the 14th May and we're going to meet up after it and have a talk about everything face to face. I want to prove to him that we are good together and that I've never meant to be horrible to him or argumentative. The thought of him with someone else would really hurt me and makes me feel sick. I know I want to be with him, and I know that our relationship could go to being good again.
I don't really know what to do now. I've got 3 big exams and i know i cant throw everything away. But at the same time, he's the only thing that currently matters to me. I've had two long term relationships before this and i just accepted the end of them. I knew they'd run their course. But I'm not prepared to let him go. (I'm 22 he's 24). I would love some advice of how I can do no contact, AND still know whats going on in 3weeks time for our holiday!
Do no contact for 2 weeks and then contact him. If you have to meet him in May 14th, try not discussing the relationship and just try to have a good time. If you've already broken up, you shouldn't be discussing the relationship right now. If he brings it up, tell him you both need some space and time right now and it's not a good idea to discuss all the issues. Don't try to pressure him into getting back together. Let it be his idea.
Do no contact for 2 weeks and then contact him. If you have to meet him in May 14th, try not discussing the relationship and just try to have a good time. If you've already broken up, you shouldn't be discussing the relationship right now. If he brings it up, tell him you both need some space and time right now and it's not a good idea to discuss all the issues. Don't try to pressure him into getting back together. Let it be his idea.
Hi Kevin,
I recently broke up with my ex who I have been going out with for 7 years, we were even engaged for 5 of them. My problem is that I have been texting my ex, because we had a lot of stuff in both our names (bills, car etc) and we needed to discuss how we would sort it out. Problem is once all our stuff was sorted and I had found a new house and bought all new furniture (I left with nothing), I began to text her to just check if she was ok? I kept telling her that it was because I was worried and I still care for her, but it was mainly because I didn't want her to forget me and if I stopped talking I thought she might, I keep thinking that because we don't have anything left to sort out then we don't have any connection left to each other. I love her a lot and over the years I knew that we were slowly drifting apart because we didn't have much in common and our circle of friends changed, and we have broken up a few times and got back together. Last time we broke up I was angry and hurt that she told me "I just don't think this is working" and I said I would leave and not come back. Now I am still texting her and I don't know how I can do the NC rule, because I was the one who said that I still needed to talk to her and check in her because I thought it was helping me handle the situation. What do I do?
Just stop contacting her. If she contacts you, tell her you need space and time.
Just stop contacting her. If she contacts you, tell her you need space and time.
hi kevin,
if a man breaks up with you....for one year he stays away....but at times after a month or two messages a casual message saying he misses you but then again turns a cold shoulder and enters no contact.....what does it mean? Has he moved on? Last year he left me but he after every month he wud always try to initate a contact....i always responded to his messages telling him i still lv him.... last month around mid of march till mid of april he had started initiating the contact with me literally pleading to talk with him saying he values me a lot and saying that he knows that i am the only true friend who cares for him.....then all of a sudden he vanished again!
later i found they both went out of station....she is tooo young for him but she is totally crazy about him and entered his life in past few months,,their relationship has grown from platonic to i think something close in past few weeks...they work together in same office so practically they live together 24x7 as even go out of station for official work.....that girl has admitted on fb that she loves him a lot and he is the best man of her life....she even keeps posting a lot of their pics together....although he refuses that to me and simply says she is crazy girl.
Fact remains I cant cut her away from him as they both work together...sadly she is always glued to him wherever he goes and I know it is he himself who makes her tag along as males enjoy females who give them all their attention and love...anyway i am no one to comment on that but I always believed it was his rebound but even if it is not i am more concerned to know what feelings he has for me and will he ever come back??
since 15th april we both hv entered no contact again....this time I have decided to not reply to any of his messages till 3 months( If ever he messages which now I seriously doubt as I think he has finally moved on with another)...........oh kevin .....even the thought of his not missing me hurts me.........I have loved him a lot....we shared a most beautiful relation....i have waited for his come back committed to me for one year....I still wait and hope for some miracle as I still love him.......it was true from my side and i am unable to fade it.....although I have tried hard to cut off cords with him still I hope each day for some miracle...
Now considering that I really want him back please tell me what is the wisest thing to do....he is a good man and not bad....i think we both simply need time together and we shall be bonded again but he has denied to give me that time.......I know 3 months no contact time from my side is a huge jump in faith...i may loose him forever as he may start finding comfort and be more close to this other female who as such is already to have a hot affair with him or perhaps who is already having that :(.....but what other option is left for me...nothing ......my world has fallen apart and it seems I stand helpless as I find no way to integrate our world together again.......please please please advice me is my entering no contact with him at this point a correct decision.....also do advise what all I need to do to save this relation,,the hope that I am still hanging on to.....kindly shed some light and kindly make me see things clearly.....is there still a hope of reunion or is the man totally over me and moved on? if so then till last month why did he messaged me and said that he values me??why his actions never seem to match his words as he chooses to vanish away from me everytime by entering a no contact but again after few months tries messaging a casual hi.......well this time I somehow feel that he has cut the contact forever and would never initiate a message again...........oh and i dont want to even initiate the message also as last one full year i have messaged him so much that now i feel so stupid....oh kevin our love was so blessed,,still hard to believe it is finally over......what do you say is there a chance?
You are doing the right thing by doing no contact for 3 months. As for hope, I think your chances are less. But you have a chance nonetheless. I'll recommend you prepare yourself for the worst during these three months.
Kevin,
thanks for ur response......i am too confused.....since last one year this man is practically living with other, sleeping with other,,,enters a no contact with me but then after a month or two messages me to remain friends with him...sometimes saying he still values me and lvs me and sometimes saying he is still roaming lost in the world.....but never ever once trying to be with me......I have become most confused now.........if my chances are less then why till date the cord between us has not cut from both sides...I knw he is happy with the other but what makes him message me then?? I really cant understand this piece of male psychology....its been like this for past one year
i really dont know...deep down my mind says it is all over this time as since last april he has blocked me from his social site and esp when his relation with other female has also grown drastically intimate i guess....but deep down my heart keeps waiting for him to come back and give our relation a chance...
u say my 3 months contact is the correct thing...Just 5 more questions if u answer I shall be obliged--
1.what to do...should I vanish or should I reply him if at all he messages after a month or so that why I am not talking to him now...
2.secondly if we somehow happen to see eachother as we live nearby, should I ignore him or should I smile and say hello like an aquaintance?
3. what if he doesnt message me once in these 3 months and doesnt unblocked me in his phone....then what should I do after 3 months,,still message him after 3 months or shd I keep waiting till he decides to revive our relation again and messages me if again?
4. he even till last time that is in april when he initiated contact with me before going nc again ,,till that time also he said moments spent with me were most special for him and he has not been able to erase them completely ....then what should I take it as ...is his love for me really true and should I give him the time to decide his inner feelings about me?
I love him a lot and would be most happy if our relation grows again but I am too hurt and I fear from his leaving me again and again....help me.....I am not able to integrate myself together as despite all I still forgive him and love him the same :(
5. And yes what if in between his relation with the other female goes little rough and he comes to me for support,,,shd I be there then or should I simply stick to my nc rule till full 3 months?
Thanks ,,waiting for ur reply
1. Ignore him. If he keeps contacting you, tell him you need space and time.
2. If he says hi or is making eye contact, say hi. But don't start a conversation and if he does, make up an excuse and end the conversation asap.
3. First of all, you should make an effort to move on during these 3 months. Go out on dates as well. If after 3 months, you still want him back, then you should message him, regardless of him contacting you.
4. Take it as his confusion. Every time he contacts you, he contacts you to see if you are still available for him. It's reassuring for him to know that someone is waiting for him if someday he finds himself lonely.
5. That's your call. I'll recommend you stick to NC. Although, supporting him during that time also has some advantage.
Thanks a lot kevin...so sweet of u to be there and answer me point wise....I wish I knew abt u and ur site one yr bck then I am sure things wd hv surely been on my side as at tht time everything was fresh and he really missed me truely then....bt like a fool i made mny mistakes like pleading..messaging again n again and wht not and now time and the other female hs entered and maybe he hs moved on....who knows....one yr is a long time and now whn I look bck I realize I screwed all wonderful chances of getting bck ..I still love him lets see wht future holds for me aftr 3 mnths....bt yes one thing i must say though i lost time still ur advice till date stands the best ....u are tooo wise and I would recommend everyone to listen to ur advice as it always does work...thnks n god bless.....will talk bck to u later perhaps as I really dnt knw wht shall happen in cming mnths and whn next I shall need ur help...hope u will be there always...thanks and be blessed and ys please do pray tht he misses me and comes bck to me comitted forever.
I wish you the best K. Thanks for your comment. )
I wish you the best K. Thanks for your comment. )
I wish you the best K. Thanks for your comment. )
I wish you the best K. Thanks for your comment. )
I wish you the best K. Thanks for your comment. )
I wish you the best K. Thanks for your comment. )
Thanks a lot kevin...so sweet of u to be there and answer me point wise....I wish I knew abt u and ur site one yr bck then I am sure things wd hv surely been on my side as at tht time everything was fresh and he really missed me truely then....bt like a fool i made mny mistakes like pleading..messaging again n again and wht not and now time and the other female hs entered and maybe he hs moved on....who knows....one yr is a long time and now whn I look bck I realize I screwed all wonderful chances of getting bck ..I still love him lets see wht future holds for me aftr 3 mnths....bt yes one thing i must say though i lost time still ur advice till date stands the best ....u are tooo wise and I would recommend everyone to listen to ur advice as it always does work...thnks n god bless.....will talk bck to u later perhaps as I really dnt knw wht shall happen in cming mnths and whn next I shall need ur help...hope u will be there always...thanks and be blessed and ys please do pray tht he misses me and comes bck to me comitted forever.
Thanks a lot kevin...so sweet of u to be there and answer me point wise....I wish I knew abt u and ur site one yr bck then I am sure things wd hv surely been on my side as at tht time everything was fresh and he really missed me truely then....bt like a fool i made mny mistakes like pleading..messaging again n again and wht not and now time and the other female hs entered and maybe he hs moved on....who knows....one yr is a long time and now whn I look bck I realize I screwed all wonderful chances of getting bck ..I still love him lets see wht future holds for me aftr 3 mnths....bt yes one thing i must say though i lost time still ur advice till date stands the best ....u are tooo wise and I would recommend everyone to listen to ur advice as it always does work...thnks n god bless.....will talk bck to u later perhaps as I really dnt knw wht shall happen in cming mnths and whn next I shall need ur help...hope u will be there always...thanks and be blessed and ys please do pray tht he misses me and comes bck to me comitted forever.
Thanks a lot kevin...so sweet of u to be there and answer me point wise....I wish I knew abt u and ur site one yr bck then I am sure things wd hv surely been on my side as at tht time everything was fresh and he really missed me truely then....bt like a fool i made mny mistakes like pleading..messaging again n again and wht not and now time and the other female hs entered and maybe he hs moved on....who knows....one yr is a long time and now whn I look bck I realize I screwed all wonderful chances of getting bck ..I still love him lets see wht future holds for me aftr 3 mnths....bt yes one thing i must say though i lost time still ur advice till date stands the best ....u are tooo wise and I would recommend everyone to listen to ur advice as it always does work...thnks n god bless.....will talk bck to u later perhaps as I really dnt knw wht shall happen in cming mnths and whn next I shall need ur help...hope u will be there always...thanks and be blessed and ys please do pray tht he misses me and comes bck to me comitted forever.
Thanks a lot kevin...so sweet of u to be there and answer me point wise....I wish I knew abt u and ur site one yr bck then I am sure things wd hv surely been on my side as at tht time everything was fresh and he really missed me truely then....bt like a fool i made mny mistakes like pleading..messaging again n again and wht not and now time and the other female hs entered and maybe he hs moved on....who knows....one yr is a long time and now whn I look bck I realize I screwed all wonderful chances of getting bck ..I still love him lets see wht future holds for me aftr 3 mnths....bt yes one thing i must say though i lost time still ur advice till date stands the best ....u are tooo wise and I would recommend everyone to listen to ur advice as it always does work...thnks n god bless.....will talk bck to u later perhaps as I really dnt knw wht shall happen in cming mnths and whn next I shall need ur help...hope u will be there always...thanks and be blessed and ys please do pray tht he misses me and comes bck to me comitted forever.
1. Ignore him. If he keeps contacting you, tell him you need space and time.
2. If he says hi or is making eye contact, say hi. But don't start a conversation and if he does, make up an excuse and end the conversation asap.
3. First of all, you should make an effort to move on during these 3 months. Go out on dates as well. If after 3 months, you still want him back, then you should message him, regardless of him contacting you.
4. Take it as his confusion. Every time he contacts you, he contacts you to see if you are still available for him. It's reassuring for him to know that someone is waiting for him if someday he finds himself lonely.
5. That's your call. I'll recommend you stick to NC. Although, supporting him during that time also has some advantage.
1. Ignore him. If he keeps contacting you, tell him you need space and time.
2. If he says hi or is making eye contact, say hi. But don't start a conversation and if he does, make up an excuse and end the conversation asap.
3. First of all, you should make an effort to move on during these 3 months. Go out on dates as well. If after 3 months, you still want him back, then you should message him, regardless of him contacting you.
4. Take it as his confusion. Every time he contacts you, he contacts you to see if you are still available for him. It's reassuring for him to know that someone is waiting for him if someday he finds himself lonely.
5. That's your call. I'll recommend you stick to NC. Although, supporting him during that time also has some advantage.
1. Ignore him. If he keeps contacting you, tell him you need space and time.
2. If he says hi or is making eye contact, say hi. But don't start a conversation and if he does, make up an excuse and end the conversation asap.
3. First of all, you should make an effort to move on during these 3 months. Go out on dates as well. If after 3 months, you still want him back, then you should message him, regardless of him contacting you.
4. Take it as his confusion. Every time he contacts you, he contacts you to see if you are still available for him. It's reassuring for him to know that someone is waiting for him if someday he finds himself lonely.
5. That's your call. I'll recommend you stick to NC. Although, supporting him during that time also has some advantage.
Kevin,
thanks for ur response......i am too confused.....since last one year this man is practically living with other, sleeping with other,,,enters a no contact with me but then after a month or two messages me to remain friends with him...sometimes saying he still values me and lvs me and sometimes saying he is still roaming lost in the world.....but never ever once trying to be with me......I have become most confused now.........if my chances are less then why till date the cord between us has not cut from both sides...I knw he is happy with the other but what makes him message me then?? I really cant understand this piece of male psychology....its been like this for past one year
i really dont know...deep down my mind says it is all over this time as since last april he has blocked me from his social site and esp when his relation with other female has also grown drastically intimate i guess....but deep down my heart keeps waiting for him to come back and give our relation a chance...
u say my 3 months contact is the correct thing...Just 5 more questions if u answer I shall be obliged--
1.what to do...should I vanish or should I reply him if at all he messages after a month or so that why I am not talking to him now...
2.secondly if we somehow happen to see eachother as we live nearby, should I ignore him or should I smile and say hello like an aquaintance?
3. what if he doesnt message me once in these 3 months and doesnt unblocked me in his phone....then what should I do after 3 months,,still message him after 3 months or shd I keep waiting till he decides to revive our relation again and messages me if again?
4. he even till last time that is in april when he initiated contact with me before going nc again ,,till that time also he said moments spent with me were most special for him and he has not been able to erase them completely ....then what should I take it as ...is his love for me really true and should I give him the time to decide his inner feelings about me?
I love him a lot and would be most happy if our relation grows again but I am too hurt and I fear from his leaving me again and again....help me.....I am not able to integrate myself together as despite all I still forgive him and love him the same :(
5. And yes what if in between his relation with the other female goes little rough and he comes to me for support,,,shd I be there then or should I simply stick to my nc rule till full 3 months?
Thanks ,,waiting for ur reply
Kevin,
thanks for ur response......i am too confused.....since last one year this man is practically living with other, sleeping with other,,,enters a no contact with me but then after a month or two messages me to remain friends with him...sometimes saying he still values me and lvs me and sometimes saying he is still roaming lost in the world.....but never ever once trying to be with me......I have become most confused now.........if my chances are less then why till date the cord between us has not cut from both sides...I knw he is happy with the other but what makes him message me then?? I really cant understand this piece of male psychology....its been like this for past one year
i really dont know...deep down my mind says it is all over this time as since last april he has blocked me from his social site and esp when his relation with other female has also grown drastically intimate i guess....but deep down my heart keeps waiting for him to come back and give our relation a chance...
u say my 3 months contact is the correct thing...Just 5 more questions if u answer I shall be obliged--
1.what to do...should I vanish or should I reply him if at all he messages after a month or so that why I am not talking to him now...
2.secondly if we somehow happen to see eachother as we live nearby, should I ignore him or should I smile and say hello like an aquaintance?
3. what if he doesnt message me once in these 3 months and doesnt unblocked me in his phone....then what should I do after 3 months,,still message him after 3 months or shd I keep waiting till he decides to revive our relation again and messages me if again?
4. he even till last time that is in april when he initiated contact with me before going nc again ,,till that time also he said moments spent with me were most special for him and he has not been able to erase them completely ....then what should I take it as ...is his love for me really true and should I give him the time to decide his inner feelings about me?
I love him a lot and would be most happy if our relation grows again but I am too hurt and I fear from his leaving me again and again....help me.....I am not able to integrate myself together as despite all I still forgive him and love him the same :(
5. And yes what if in between his relation with the other female goes little rough and he comes to me for support,,,shd I be there then or should I simply stick to my nc rule till full 3 months?
Thanks ,,waiting for ur reply
You are doing the right thing by doing no contact for 3 months. As for hope, I think your chances are less. But you have a chance nonetheless. I'll recommend you prepare yourself for the worst during these three months.
It's been a couple of weeks after this break up. I have already done some of the things you said not to do. Is there any way this can still be salvaged? Now he is just completely ignoring me. but if I start today do you think there is still a chance if I start today.
Yes there is.
Yes there is.
Hey Kevin, my ex and I broke up 2 months ago...and I did the no contact rule and he called me from a blocked number within 2 weeks but I didn't answer...I know it's him because he is the only one that has been calling me from a blocked number since we broke up...so after the no contact he denied that he called me even though he called again from blocked and I answered and it was him...he tells me he loves me and misses me but went too far away...I just want to know why is he denying that he called...and what should do?
You should forget about whether he called you or not. Just follow the steps.
You should forget about whether he called you or not. Just follow the steps.
Kevin,
So my bf of 2 years broke up with me last week. that weekend i tried to contact him then he blocked me off everything. He unblocked my Facebook which led to me messaging him again then he proceeded to blocking. I'm sure he realizes i'm the type to keep over contacting and sometimes use a someone else s phone to text and even drop off a note and i've completely stopped with the contact for 2 days, but do you think it's too late? All of my social networks are open to be seen publicly so should i put them all on private so he won't see or leave it as it is?
You don't need to change it to private. I don't think it's too late.
You don't need to change it to private. I don't think it's too late.
Hi kevin!
I had a question regarding the 30 days to my sitauion. I thing 30 days is too short and wanted to push for an extra 2 weeks cause i feel like it's very needed however that falls uncomfortably close to our 2 year anniversary. what should i do? should i wait till after?
Make it three weeks or better yet, another month.
Make it three weeks or better yet, another month.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I were together for 1 year and a half but were talking and got to know each other for a whole year before getting together. We were in a long-distance relationship and we are both 25 years old. We broke up 4 months ago and he has been seeing another girl before we even had broken up and is in a relationship with her now.
When we broke up it was more for practical reasons, we both still had feelings for each other and care about each other a lot. I tried to get some distance and avoid contact for some time (2 weeks) after the break up but we continued texting. He still writes to me from time to time (every week or second week) but he changes a lot –sometimes he seems nicer and other times colder. I tried to talk to him to tell him we could work the practicalities out but he doesn’t seem to agree. I’ve been trying to not answer his texts but we are on ‘ok’-terms so I’m thinking to start answering him.
I love him and wish he could give us a second chance because I know we could work things out, but he seems pretty serious with his new girl. I’m not sure what to do and hope you can give me some advice.
Thank you.
You should follow the advise in the article.
You should follow the advise in the article.
Hello Kevin
There is a girl at work which I hang out with everyday ; Long story short , We were best friends for 3 months (we became close very fast) but then we BOTH started to have feelings for each other but there were 2 problems :
- She is at work and I had to see her everyday - She was the only person I actually hang out with at work (And vice versa) and stilll atm which I'll explain later
- We are both afraid of getting attached to each other and afraid of breaking up and losing each other (Lame reason but we both mentioned this).
But finally I decided to go for it and I became her boyfriend , things went well for the first week but after the 10th day I started to feel that she is afraid of something (I hate it when I can read people's mind , especially and mostly her's) so after 2 weeks and 5 days I talked with her and we went back to being "Just friends" as I wasn't comfortable to see her like this. She was crying for almost 2 hours and said that she loves to be with me but she is more comfortable to be best friends with me (Friendships last longer than relationships blah blah) and I was actually fine since I was the one who brought this thing up. She asked if she could still see me together and go out together and kiss me(!)
However I became depressed after day 2 and decided to talk to her without asking her to be back . I said that we should stop seeing each other because I still got feelings and now I care about myself instead of "Us" ; She started crying again and said that she still has feelings but wants to be between gf and bestfriend which made me very confused.
She was talking about problems we had in our relationships (It was mostly about her like : I might get tired of you after 2 months but I don't wanna - I don't wanna get attached - My best friend (Girl) will ruin our relationship - Sometimes I can't control myself) and In the end i asked if our relationship is worth fighting for (to keep it alive) and she said that "let's keep things like this for a while , I'll ask to be back together If i feel it" which looked very lame for me.
2 days later she started dating another guy (Her friend apparently forced her to get her out of the mood sad (Rebound or w.e It's called))
I did N/C and she went mad and cried a lot so after 3/4 days we had to see each other at work and we became ok , She was pretty messed up and later at night she texted me "Can you be always promise to be around me?" and I said "I've been till now , the rest is up to you as well" which I believe she didn't really get that as a "no"
I wanted to bring up the conversation about her new bf like I didn't actually care but I knew saying it would kill her so I followed my friend's suggestion of "Not talking about it"
I like her and she likes me and we are fit for each other and we spend a lot of time together even now ; I don't know If i should date her again or not or at least not date her right now (till she grows up at least lol) but that's a high risk I took once before and that girl has been dating that guy for 3 years so I won't risk this one.
Sometimes I wanna have her and sometimes I don't (Right now I'm probably acting like I don't care cause I know she is sad even while she is dating someone else) but the fact that we are still together for hours and we both have feelings for each other is wierd and I also want to give her a hint that I won't be always here for you because then she will be like "I'll do whatever I want and he is going to be around anyways".
What do you think? N/C is kinda hard (since we still spend lot of time together) but I dont even know If i want her in a relationship with me or not atm(Prolly cuz Im kinda mad atm) so I need some help here lol
You'll have to apply no contact. At least limited contact. Tell her you need space and time and at work, treat her like you would treat any other colleague. Not as a friend.
You'll have to apply no contact. At least limited contact. Tell her you need space and time and at work, treat her like you would treat any other colleague. Not as a friend.
Kevin I need help
I think I am in a rebound relationship, but I really want to be with her.
The thing is she had a almost two years ex bf and he dumped her three times in total. The last one reasons was that he is going into uni so no time for her. After she got dumped I was three helping her out and suddenly I felt she is the one I have been looking for and I try to ask her out. She then reply she would, and this happen 1 week after her breakup I know this is very dangerous for me but I just felt if I can be with her I this very short time of relationship, it's worth it. After that I felt I should have done that and she always take to me about her ex. Then 2 weeks later she breakup with me . The reason was she still love her ex bf. at the very first moment she said I will be have a chance if I wait for her. But then we argue a bit. She finally said I was completely no chance and I was just a bit of fun after her relationship. But throughout the relationship she said I was completely different to her ex and she said it would be a hard choice for her if I know her 2 years ago. At this point, I have turn myself from needing her to wanting her so I have past the no contact time. With in this time she didn't call me text me but only when we meet she always try to talk to me as friend but I only answer her being blunt. So she got a bit annoyed at me. And i texted her saying she was the most amazing girl that I have ever met when I was drunk. i realised i was so stupid I want to move out from the rebound relationship I want my ex back I want to also how to secure a relationship. And I really need help
Hey Jesse,
Your chances are slim. You should give her space until she gets over her ex. You don't stand a chance until then.
Yeah I know most of my friends said that. I started talking to some girls and she act like interested in them, and I am not sure does she still like me or not. Also how can I tell that she has got over her ex bf ?
Yeah I know most of my friends said that. I started talking to some girls and she act like interested in them, and I am not sure does she still like me or not. Also how can I tell that she has got over her ex bf ?
Yeah I know most of my friends said that. I started talking to some girls and she act like interested in them, and I am not sure does she still like me or not. Also how can I tell that she has got over her ex bf ?
Hey Jesse,
Your chances are slim. You should give her space until she gets over her ex. You don't stand a chance until then.
Hi Kevin.
I just bough ur relationship rewind program and i read it all and nothing in there fits with my situation..
My ex is already living with someone else and i dont know how to get him back, how to pass from the "death's door" to the fake friends zone.. i have been away from him for 2 months and we didnt really end up and good terms.. so in the book it seems pretty easy.. but in reality how can i really look for him with out looking to needy.. how should i start a conversation... i can not send him a letter with out his new girlfriend finding out... the last time.. i texted him when i was drunk i told him that i loved him.. i love him and always will.... and he answered me "muah, i miss u" after that i felt very stupid and never say anything again.. i want him to comeback i want him to take the decision.. but i dont know what to do.. i understand about the friend zone and stuff but how can i implement that in my situation... i can not send the magic letter because doesnt fit with the situation i think... we already say "Goodbye , my love" soo many times that i have no hope... i dont know what to do anymore.. please reply
I think you can implement the techniques in death's door. You can use the message if you come across an opportunity that your ex might be interested in. If not, then you can simply send him a text as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
I think you can implement the techniques in death's door. You can use the message if you come across an opportunity that your ex might be interested in. If not, then you can simply send him a text as mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin! My Long distance Boyfriend of 2 months (I met him at a social networking site he's from another country) broke up with me (I'm 20 and he's 26) we constantly chatted on skype using my phone even during my work time. But one day, we had an emergency patient that needs immediate attention, I was so busy at that time that I didn't had the chance to tell him that I'm going to be away for an hour. When I got back he told me he's pissed at me for not informing him and said he's getting very suspicious at me. This made me snapped as he was always bringing this up everytime we fight (I don't cheat in a relationship) anyways, that statement made me talk to him in a rude manner to which he went pissed even more and decided that he can't stand me and that I he don't like my attitude, I said sorry a couple of time but he didn't forgive me. He decided to end the relationship and told me I should move on and just find other men that I can fool. Despite the fact that those words hurt me, I still begged and pleaded him to try once more, but he denied the chance on the next days, I decided to not log in on skype as he wont reply to my messages and just unfollowed him on facebook, I didn't stalked his page and even removed him on my news feed... Recently, I posted a status saying "Good morning peepzz! its a new dawn its a new day for meh... And I'm feeeeeling good!!! " (well it was because I was feeling a bit better now). Surprisingly, He liked it but what made me really surprised was that he suddenly unfriended me... So my question is, Should I just let this be or should I do something about this?
You should let him go. There's too much complications and 2 months is not a lot of time. You'll be better off finding someone else.
You should let him go. There's too much complications and 2 months is not a lot of time. You'll be better off finding someone else.
Kevin,
So I signed up for relationship rewind from your e-mail. Is the letter the one that Ryan talks about in relationship rewind?
His letter is different from the one in 5 step plan. You'll get the letter in the 10th email.
His letter is different from the one in 5 step plan. You'll get the letter in the 10th email.
Me and my ex were only together for two months. The breakup ended for various reasons I'd rather not discuss. However, he was VERY annoyed. I told him I'd return in 6 or 12 months to check up on him. Considering we dated for such a short amount of time though, both seem too long of a wait. It's now been another (painful) two months since our breakup, though I violated NC. I sent him a couple messages saying I've cleaned up on vacation and let go of the past. Hope he does the same.
Can I contact him now or should I still wait a bit longer?
You should wait a little longer.
You should wait a little longer.
I recently separated from my partner of over a year. We had a relationship 16 years previous but was too young to be serious. Over the years we had passed one another and both thought there was still something there in our hearts for one another.
When eventually chatting we both realised how we felt and started a relationship.
I had my barriers up as I had been married and one child. She too had been married and with 5 children.
Unfortunately her ex lives in another country which meant she had full custody of her kids.
It put a strain on the relationship as it was difficult to spend quality time together.
Sadly with my barriers up I found it hard to let go of the fear of the future for us and she called it a day.
on separation I left her alone for a few weeks to give us a break.
I then found my barriers were coming down and could see the potential the relationship had just by making a few simple changes.
We started to talk things through. She said her heart says yes but her head says no because she doesn't want to be hurt.
meanwhile, as we are still discussing getting back together she started to see someone else.
I didn't know this and carried on trying to work things out.
she finally made her decision that it was too late and she had moved on.
she had said that she really loves me and when she said we are over, that its not forever.
Do I just leave it? Should I let her have fun then see how the new relationship goes.
If it is just a rebound is it worth talking again about rebuilding the relationship.
You should apply no contact and then get back in touch, but you shouldn't talk about rebuilding the relationship. You should let it be her idea.
You should apply no contact and then get back in touch, but you shouldn't talk about rebuilding the relationship. You should let it be her idea.
Hey Kevin,
So I'm the one who screwed in my relationship and confessed everything to him. He was so upset and hurt and broke things off immediately. Who can blame him?? I've begged and pleaded my butt off to have him stay and he says he needs some time. Then he'll say he wants to see me then change his mind again! Since I'M the person who did the damage should I still wait 30 days?? He said he would let me know when he's ready to see me again. Like who am I to tell him I need space when I don't it. I could lose him by telling him that and make him question even getting back together. Idk what to do...
Hey Vee,
He broke it off with you. If you were still in the relationship, and he agreed to work things out, then yes, you didn't have the right to ask for space. But right now, you do have the right to do so. Start no contact without telling him. If he calls you, just tell him in a cordial tone that you need space and time to deal with the breakup.
Hey Vee,
He broke it off with you. If you were still in the relationship, and he agreed to work things out, then yes, you didn't have the right to ask for space. But right now, you do have the right to do so. Start no contact without telling him. If he calls you, just tell him in a cordial tone that you need space and time to deal with the breakup.
Dear Kevin,
My boyfriend and I had been together for two and a half years. For the first eighteen months we were long distance (about a 3 hour drive apart) and saw each other once a week. I had plans to go travelling before I met him and he decided to join me.
We travelled Asia for five months and in that time grew even closer. We didn’t get engaged as such but were so certain of our relationship that we bought wedding rings and I even had a dress made with the idea of getting married in a year or two.
We then came to Australia to work. We rented a place together and that was when the cracks started to show. We had both always been very independent throughout our relationship and I never suffered from any insecurity until we moved in together. He became very focussed on his work and became close with his female boss. I started to feel insecure about it and felt he did not give me the support I needed. I think we were both a little homesick and missed our friends and family so it affected our relationship.
After feeling down for weeks I decided to end the relationship which I now regret. I tend to act on impulse and almost tried to create drama to get some feelings out of him which was wrong. He was very hurt by this and did not want to get back together. We had to live together for a few weeks before I moved out which made things worse.
I couldn’t face staying in the same town as him as it was very small so I went to the east coast to travel with a friend for a few weeks. I am still on the east coast. It has been eight weeks now since I left. We have had some contact but not much. I will be seeing him again in eight more weeks as we have a flight back to the UK booked together but we both intend on returning to Australia after a few weeks at home.
Although I regret breaking up with him I do feel like we both needed the distance. I think the relationship got too intense too fast and most importantly we both lost our own identities amidst it all. I am now very confused because I don’t miss being in a relationship, in fact I am enjoying growing as a person and regaining my independence but I do miss him as a person and love him dearly.
We had the perfect relationship up until Australia. We have never shouted at each other even during the breakup and have so much in common. One big issue was the fact that I love travelling and had a lot of plans with him that I thought we both shared but it came to light that he doesn’t want it quite as much as I do and is more focussed on his carrier.
I am not sure how he feels. I’m pretty sure he still loves me but he has told me that right now he is enjoying being alone and discovering who he is again. He said the memories we have made are amazing and nothing can take that away. I feel like that statement implies that he does not want to rekindle anything.
We are both still young (me 22 and him 24) and have a lot of growing to do but I think I would like to do it with him. I feel sad because I feel a though I idolised the relationship and that the long distance and the travelling made it more of a ‘honeymoon stage’ thing. When it actually came to moving in together and doing normal everyday things, I gave up before even giving it a chance.
I guess what I am asking for is your view on this? Whether you think we should get back together or if you think he would like to? He is very hard to read and gives nothing away for me to tell if he still wants me in his life. But I do believe that we are soul mates.
Thank you,
Jess
Hey Jess,
Living together and traveling together are two very different things. Apparently, you do well when you travel, but you are not so good when you live together. It's true that some other factors might have affected the dynamics of the relationship and in an ideal situation, you two might have worked. But if you two were really compatible, you would've worked through the issues.
I think it's for you to figure out whether or not you should try to get back together. And if you do, you will have a pretty good chance of reconciliation. You'll just have to follow the plan.
Hey Jess,
Living together and traveling together are two very different things. Apparently, you do well when you travel, but you are not so good when you live together. It's true that some other factors might have affected the dynamics of the relationship and in an ideal situation, you two might have worked. But if you two were really compatible, you would've worked through the issues.
I think it's for you to figure out whether or not you should try to get back together. And if you do, you will have a pretty good chance of reconciliation. You'll just have to follow the plan.
Hi Kevin,
I just want to say thank you very much for posting this, I have been feeling very low and even suicidal and this helped a lot. I'm just wondering, how do you know your ex isn't just going to be glad of the break from you? What if they just want you out of their life for good and they've refused to meet you even when you've asked them for help when you're feeling dangerously low? I still think it's possible for us to have a long lasting happy relationship if he'd just give it another go. The problems were fixable. And he says he's just happy on his own and he doesn't want a relationship. Is the no contact rule still the right thing to do in this case? What if he enjoys it so much and is fine without me contacting him? Is there another option? Also his birthday is in the next month, should I ignore that too?
Hey Julie,
Yes, no contact is still the right thing to do. Even if he enjoys his life without you, it doesn't matter. What matters is when you meet him after no contact, he gets attracted to you again because of all the changes you've made.
Thanks for replying. So you think NC even on our birthdays as well?
If you want, you can send a short text on birthdays.
Okay, thanks, any advice on the wording?
Just a simple "Happy Birthday. Have a great day." or something of the sort. Make sure you don't have anything in the text that might start a conversation. Something like "How are you?" or "How have you been?", should be avoided.
Just a simple "Happy Birthday. Have a great day." or something of the sort. Make sure you don't have anything in the text that might start a conversation. Something like "How are you?" or "How have you been?", should be avoided.
Just a simple "Happy Birthday. Have a great day." or something of the sort. Make sure you don't have anything in the text that might start a conversation. Something like "How are you?" or "How have you been?", should be avoided.
Just a simple "Happy Birthday. Have a great day." or something of the sort. Make sure you don't have anything in the text that might start a conversation. Something like "How are you?" or "How have you been?", should be avoided.
Just a simple "Happy Birthday. Have a great day." or something of the sort. Make sure you don't have anything in the text that might start a conversation. Something like "How are you?" or "How have you been?", should be avoided.
Just a simple "Happy Birthday. Have a great day." or something of the sort. Make sure you don't have anything in the text that might start a conversation. Something like "How are you?" or "How have you been?", should be avoided.
Okay, thanks, any advice on the wording?
Okay, thanks, any advice on the wording?
Okay, thanks, any advice on the wording?
Okay, thanks, any advice on the wording?
If you want, you can send a short text on birthdays.
If you want, you can send a short text on birthdays.
If you want, you can send a short text on birthdays.
Thanks for replying. So you think NC even on our birthdays as well?
Thanks for replying. So you think NC even on our birthdays as well?
Hey Julie,
Yes, no contact is still the right thing to do. Even if he enjoys his life without you, it doesn't matter. What matters is when you meet him after no contact, he gets attracted to you again because of all the changes you've made.
Hello Kevin,
Me and my guy were dating for about 5 months. Up until last month he promised me the world. He brought up marriage before I even thought about it. We never had any fights, and everything was always great. We are a long distance couple but still saw each other once a month. He began to act differently about a month ago. We broke up 4 days ago. He says that I didn't do anything and that he just needs to get himself together. I text him the other day basically challenging his reason why he wanted to break up. My question is, does everything you said still apply to long distance couples. I am hoping no contact will work because the only memories we have are good ones. Please help. Thank you.
Yes, it does.
Yes, it does.
Hi Kevin.
I am so glad I stumbled across this website.
My situation:
I am 32 with a 4 yr old, and my ex is 38 with a 9 and a 12 yr old. We met 2 years ago on Match and we had fallen in love fast and strong. Never have I ever imagined such an intellectual, emotional and physical connection would be possible. He swept me off my feet and I have (with his words): made his dreams come true. First year our love was completely effortless, fun, exciting, even 'OVER THE TOP' according to some friends and family who saw us together. To us it was open, true, and honest, without contingencies or walls. Of course there was a bit of turmoil, he was emotionally unstable but he always owned up to it and worked on his problems with success. I supported him throughout and was proud of his growth.
He asked me to marry him on 5-18-2013, of course I said yes without any hesitation. I wanted a life with this man, I could see us being old and goofy together, building memories and sharing experiences. We have always looked to the future with such aspirations and hopes, we both knew we belonged together, the connection was undeniable and I thought unbreakable.
Shortly after the engagement, we decided to live together. He and his children moved in with me and my son. (A house I purchased and once shared with the father of my child. I'm sure that was hard on him.)
Shortly after things started going bad. More and more bickering, resentment, dissatisfaction, I was displeased with his daily routines, lack of time managements, I became rigid and controlling. I was annoyed with how his kids were raised and how they behaved (and often communicated that to him, wrong move). He also contributed to the struggles though, with his anxiety and occasional emotional outbursts.
But we still loved each other and were committed to stick together and work on our problems. Until the beginning of January when he had a huge blow-up over his son's disrespectful behavior and he went all kinds of 'crazy'. The children were frightened and I was in complete shock. He said words that were like a dagger to my heart, he acted in ways that made me scared for myself and my son. So I kicked him out immediately. He packed up his things and left with his children that night. After three days of no communication, he reached out to me and apologized. He confessed his fears and demons, his struggles and weaknesses. He wanted us to work so bad; I was hesitant but I loved him and I forgave him. We slowly started back at it again without the kids being involved. We went to counseling, and we were better for a few weeks, then it went downhill. It has been an up and down roller-coaster since. This time I believe it was mainly because of me. I told him I was scared of being a family together. I told him I have hesitations being a stepmother to his children and that I wasn't sure anymore that this would work out. I put up walls, became controlling and often demonstrated a double standard.
One dreadful day he had enough of me pushing him away and he called it quits. That was on Sunday April 20th. Initially I was fine with it until the following Tuesday morning when I sent him a 'I love you' text. From that point on he had the upper hand and he expressed to me he has lost faith in me and in us. He is unhappy and doesn't want to be with me anymore. He threw a lot of hurtful, some true, accusations my way while I just cried and begged and pleaded for him to reconsider. I have never felt so little. I thought showing honesty, love and vulnerability will let him see my true feelings for him, well it hasn't worked. The first 10 days after the breakup I wrote him hand written letters, cards, emails and texts mainly because his love language is 'words of affirmations' and because he always said he wanted a woman that would pursue him as much as he would pursue her. So I wrote him, a lot. One of the letters stated '100 Reasons Why We Need to Fight for Our Relationship'. I wrote him letters to thank him and show him gratitude for the amazing person he is and all that he has done for me, for us. …and so on.
There's been little communication from him, he responded to some texts, telling me he is happy that I am seeing a therapist. He replied to a card I sent him saying it made him laugh to the point of tears. He also sent an e-mail expressing that this breakup has been greatest heartache he has ever suffered and the biggest lost he has ever experienced, that I was the love of his life but he has lost all faith in me, and no longer believes in us.
As of Thursday May 1st, I made no additional contact with him. He has not reached out at all. Every day I wake up feeling lost, hurt, devastated, heartbroken, ashamed and full of regrets.
I want to say that our relationship was different, we were so compatible, we could read other's minds, we made love with passion that was beyond this world, we operated on the same wavelength, if there is such a thing as a soul-mate, he was certainly mine. I am confident in saying so we were each other's.
So where do I go from here? How do I go on? I want to be with this man, I know in my heart without a doubt I want to grow old with this man. My commitment to him, as always is unwavering. Will he ever want us back together? Help please.
Thank you!
-Still Hopeful
Hey,
Well, you should absolutely follow the 5 step plan and work on your issues during no contact. I think you have a good chance of getting him back. But you both will need to work a lot on your issues and the relationship if you want to make it work.
Thank you Kevin,
I agree, we both have a lot of work to do as individuals in order to have a lasting relationship as a couple. I have made quite a few discoveries about myself just in the past couple of weeks.
Your e-mails are so helpful, I am grateful I found your website.
One question for you. As I was cleaning out the garage yesterday I realized I have all of his summer clothes, I'd like to return it back to him but I don't want to break the NC rule (I'm only on day 7). Since he and my brother work together should I just pack it up and send it to him with my brother? Maybe a note saying: "The days are getting hotter, I figured you might need these."
Is this a good idea?
Thanks
-Still Hopeful
If he is not asking for it, leave it there. You can give it to him after NC.
OK, thank you!
OK, thank you!
OK, thank you!
OK, thank you!
OK, thank you!
If he is not asking for it, leave it there. You can give it to him after NC.
If he is not asking for it, leave it there. You can give it to him after NC.
If he is not asking for it, leave it there. You can give it to him after NC.
Thank you Kevin,
I agree, we both have a lot of work to do as individuals in order to have a lasting relationship as a couple. I have made quite a few discoveries about myself just in the past couple of weeks.
Your e-mails are so helpful, I am grateful I found your website.
One question for you. As I was cleaning out the garage yesterday I realized I have all of his summer clothes, I'd like to return it back to him but I don't want to break the NC rule (I'm only on day 7). Since he and my brother work together should I just pack it up and send it to him with my brother? Maybe a note saying: "The days are getting hotter, I figured you might need these."
Is this a good idea?
Thanks
-Still Hopeful
Thank you Kevin,
I agree, we both have a lot of work to do as individuals in order to have a lasting relationship as a couple. I have made quite a few discoveries about myself just in the past couple of weeks.
Your e-mails are so helpful, I am grateful I found your website.
One question for you. As I was cleaning out the garage yesterday I realized I have all of his summer clothes, I'd like to return it back to him but I don't want to break the NC rule (I'm only on day 7). Since he and my brother work together should I just pack it up and send it to him with my brother? Maybe a note saying: "The days are getting hotter, I figured you might need these."
Is this a good idea?
Thanks
-Still Hopeful
Hey,
Well, you should absolutely follow the 5 step plan and work on your issues during no contact. I think you have a good chance of getting him back. But you both will need to work a lot on your issues and the relationship if you want to make it work.
Me and my ex have been together and broke up before, we got back together early last year and and recently broke up again(almost 2 weeks now), both saying in the heat of the moment that starting again hasn't worked and its over for good.
We have a 3 year old boy together, so contact is definitely needed at times.
I admit, i made the wrong choice in sounding needy and attempting to get her back, which resulting in her saying she doesn't have feelings for me other than the father of her child. We eventually cleared the air and i then sent a text basically explaining that i'm on her wavelength and understand what shes saying, and want to build a friendship to be good parents to our child.
She then found out i was going out one evening and started receiving texts from her saying, 'wont be bothering you when you meet someone tonight' 'i haven't moved on and wont for a while' 'enjoy your date' 'Dont want the time you spend with our son being with daddy and daddys girlfriend'
That leads onto today, we've been speaking amicably about our child at times, and sometimes about other stuff but not about feelings. Seems like a some kind of effort is being made from both sides to talk on good terms with each other, where do i take it from here?
IF you haven't had a period of no contact as explained in this article, then I think you should do it. If you did, then continue talking to her and slowly move on to more personal and fun conversation. Start flirting over texts and then eventually ask her out.
IF you haven't had a period of no contact as explained in this article, then I think you should do it. If you did, then continue talking to her and slowly move on to more personal and fun conversation. Start flirting over texts and then eventually ask her out.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my girlfriend split about 6 months ago. We had been going out for almost 4 years. We split because we were drifting apart, because she was moving to the other side of the world for 6 months in July to work. One of my reasons was she saw this particular male friend of hers (of whom I had my suspicions) more than me.
Anyway long story short yeah we were upset and she said she wanted to remain good friends as we had started out as best friends. She also said to text her every day after which I tried to do as well as I could. She said if we were single when she got back from her trip we could maybe continue going out. We met up for coffees twice monthly but would text in between after that.
I have only found out recently that she started properly going out with her suspicious guy friend in December and led me to believe that she was single and missed me but she kept this secret the whole time. They are both moving abroad for 6 months together now and I feel this has been the plan all along with them. She lied to me even when I've been there for her in the toughest of times, during and after our relationship.
I couldn't bear it any longer and I went round to see her to collect some stuff of mine she said she still has. I told her I knew all about her and the "usurper" and asked how long they had been together. She lied and I told her I don't think we could be friends any longer as I felt that the lies and hiding things from me and that her now going with him, (after I had suspected him and challenged her about him whilst we were in a relationship) was a stab in the back.
I apologized the next week (although I'm not sure why, I just didn't want to forever look like an a$$) and she accepted and wanted to remain friends. We are a lot more distant now for obvious reasons but I feel I was left with false hope that she has messed with head and my feelings and then discarded me like an old teddy bear.
I have two questions then: Do you think this "new" relationship is a rebound relationship if she was so friendly with the guy before?
What are the chances of me getting her back when she comes back from overseas?
Thanks,
Jake
Yes, it's still a rebound relationship in my opinion. You have a pretty good chance. Rebound relationships don't usually last long.
Yes, it's still a rebound relationship in my opinion. You have a pretty good chance. Rebound relationships don't usually last long.
Hi Kevin! Update on my situation...Well I texted him today asking a question about getting a replacement key for my rental car since my car is in the shop. My mom had a copy of it but she was at work and my sister took my key by accident and was in a conference. There was no way for me to go to work. He said no one can give me a key on demand so I said ok well my mom is able to come during her work break to get me the spare and just wondering if you had ideas since you know about car stuff. should i say anything else Kevin? Do you think he'll ask me to hang out?
Hi Kevin. Sorry. I texted him before I saw your response
I just said thanks for responding and hope work is going well. Should I do no contact for 1-2 months still?
Ok. I'll go NC. I just wish that if he does talk to me again that he doesn't do this to me again. It's horrible. :-( I will move on but do you think there's a small chance?
I met his best friend's gf a few months ago at work. She came by. We were talking more and I realized it was her. I told her what happened with him and she said she'd try to do something. She talked to him a few days ago and he said he wouldn't give me another chance because all my texts were too much for him to handle. She said she would have done the same thing if her bf did the same to her and he said it's just too much. :-( when she emailed me telling me this I burst out crying. I sent him a text saying I'm sorry and the only reason I was contacting you because I was worried about you, missed you and wanted someone to talk to about my dad who has heart failure :-( he never responded. I know my chance is impossible but if I do NC do you think he'll ever change his mind? I know he was very much attracted to me. She thinks he's stupid for not wanting to be with me because I'm attractive, smart and have a huge heart and I know I won't act clingy or needy again.
I met his best friend's gf a few months ago at work. She came by. We were talking more and I realized it was her. I told her what happened with him and she said she'd try to do something. She talked to him a few days ago and he said he wouldn't give me another chance because all my texts were too much for him to handle. She said she would have done the same thing if her bf did the same to her and he said it's just too much. :-( when she emailed me telling me this I burst out crying. I sent him a text saying I'm sorry and the only reason I was contacting you because I was worried about you, missed you and wanted someone to talk to about my dad who has heart failure :-( he never responded. I know my chance is impossible but if I do NC do you think he'll ever change his mind? I know he was very much attracted to me. She thinks he's stupid for not wanting to be with me because I'm attractive, smart and have a huge heart and I know I won't act clingy or needy again.
I met his best friend's gf a few months ago at work. She came by. We were talking more and I realized it was her. I told her what happened with him and she said she'd try to do something. She talked to him a few days ago and he said he wouldn't give me another chance because all my texts were too much for him to handle. She said she would have done the same thing if her bf did the same to her and he said it's just too much. :-( when she emailed me telling me this I burst out crying. I sent him a text saying I'm sorry and the only reason I was contacting you because I was worried about you, missed you and wanted someone to talk to about my dad who has heart failure :-( he never responded. I know my chance is impossible but if I do NC do you think he'll ever change his mind? I know he was very much attracted to me. She thinks he's stupid for not wanting to be with me because I'm attractive, smart and have a huge heart and I know I won't act clingy or needy again.
I met his best friend's gf a few months ago at work. She came by. We were talking more and I realized it was her. I told her what happened with him and she said she'd try to do something. She talked to him a few days ago and he said he wouldn't give me another chance because all my texts were too much for him to handle. She said she would have done the same thing if her bf did the same to her and he said it's just too much. :-( when she emailed me telling me this I burst out crying. I sent him a text saying I'm sorry and the only reason I was contacting you because I was worried about you, missed you and wanted someone to talk to about my dad who has heart failure :-( he never responded. I know my chance is impossible but if I do NC do you think he'll ever change his mind? I know he was very much attracted to me. She thinks he's stupid for not wanting to be with me because I'm attractive, smart and have a huge heart and I know I won't act clingy or needy again.
I met his best friend's gf a few months ago at work. She came by. We were talking more and I realized it was her. I told her what happened with him and she said she'd try to do something. She talked to him a few days ago and he said he wouldn't give me another chance because all my texts were too much for him to handle. She said she would have done the same thing if her bf did the same to her and he said it's just too much. :-( when she emailed me telling me this I burst out crying. I sent him a text saying I'm sorry and the only reason I was contacting you because I was worried about you, missed you and wanted someone to talk to about my dad who has heart failure :-( he never responded. I know my chance is impossible but if I do NC do you think he'll ever change his mind? I know he was very much attracted to me. She thinks he's stupid for not wanting to be with me because I'm attractive, smart and have a huge heart and I know I won't act clingy or needy again.
I joined plenty of fish again (where I met him). In December I logged in again because he canceled one of our dates because I got home late from something else and I was tired of him not making many plans with me. Well he saw I logged in (without logging in.. I checked) and he got mad. I'm scared he'll get mad again but he has no right to because I haven't seen him in a few months and he hasn't made plans with me.
I texted today just saying I booked my tickets to Europe for my cousin's wedding and how I like this song I heard on the radio that's country. He got me into country music. But he didn't respond. Do you think he ever will? He responded yesterday.
I'm crying. I said: Remember that day I ignored you and you were sad? Well that's how I feel now since Tues since I last heard from you. Please forgive me. My parents and sister hate seeing me sad like this. You probably are happy not to see or talk to me but it's horrible for me. He hasn't responded.
Well Kevin him and I were talking for the past month again every day via text. He even said ok after I asked if we can hang out again but he never made plans. 3 days ago I didn't hear from him. I texted a lot asking what happened and please get back to me and I'm worried. He hasn't answered any of my texts the past three days. I sent about 7 the first day. 15 the second and 4 today. Do I go NC? It's so rude he randomly stopped again and I apologized for bothering him it's just I was worried or thought he was ignoring me. Do I have any chance?
Yes, go NC. It's a bad sign and it seems your chances are less. You should consider moving on.
Yes, go NC. It's a bad sign and it seems your chances are less. You should consider moving on.
Yes, go NC. It's a bad sign and it seems your chances are less. You should consider moving on.
Yes, go NC. It's a bad sign and it seems your chances are less. You should consider moving on.
Yes, go NC. It's a bad sign and it seems your chances are less. You should consider moving on.
Yes, go NC. It's a bad sign and it seems your chances are less. You should consider moving on.
We were talking yesterday and he started being silent in the middle of the conversation on gchat and I thought he was ignoring me but he was with a customer. He told me to calm down. Then we talked a little today but he's distant. At least he's talking though. I'm just going to give it time and let him make the initiating if that's what he wants.
Ok thanks Sarah!
Oh Steph Steph... you should listen to Kevin's advice, he knows what he is talking about. If you can't refrain from texting him when you feel lonely then you need to delete his number and block him on all your social media etc. At least until you are feeling stronger. 1-2 months at least as Kevin suggested. Follow the plan and don't forget just NC is not enough, you need to keep working on yourself in the meantime. You are coming across as very needy and desperate and you need to become happy and confident before you even try to win him back. I know it may sound impossible right now, but I was in your place and trust me, going NC for 2 months and working on myself worked miracles. Good luck!
All I said was thanks
He just said thanks. Hope yours are too. Do I say thanks or just nothing?
All he said was yes. So I just said: ok. Hope you and your family are doing well. What do I do now? NC?
Hi Kevin. Tonight I was lonely and I sent him an email saying: do you ever read my email or texts/pics? it's really rude to ignore someone who has done alot to show they care for you and has always treated you with respect and kindness. Did I mess up for good? :(
And I'm scared he'll meet someone else and forget about me. Won't NC make him forget about me?
You think there's really a chance if I do NC? I'm scared that I'll never see him again.
Hi Kevin. I only applied no contact for 2 weeks. I will do 1-2 months. I hope this works. Thank you!
Did you apply no contact? If not, you should apply no contact for 1-2 months.
Thanks Sarah. Kevin do you agree with Sarah? Do I have a chance?
Oh Dear Steph.... You keep finding excuses to text him when you should be doing NC. Go NC right away for at least 1 month as suggested or you will keep pushing him away. And work on yourself in the meantime. Good luck!
I'm crying. I said: Remember that day I ignored you and you were sad? Well that's how I feel now since Tues since I last heard from you. Please forgive me. My parents and sister hate seeing me sad like this. You probably are happy not to see or talk to me but it's horrible for me. He hasn't responded.
Well Kevin him and I were talking for the past month again every day via text. He even said ok after I asked if we can hang out again but he never made plans. 3 days ago I didn't hear from him. I texted a lot asking what happened and please get back to me and I'm worried. He hasn't answered any of my texts the past three days. I sent about 7 the first day. 15 the second and 4 today. Do I go NC? It's so rude he randomly stopped again and I apologized for bothering him it's just I was worried or thought he was ignoring me. Do I have any chance?
We were talking yesterday and he started being silent in the middle of the conversation on gchat and I thought he was ignoring me but he was with a customer. He told me to calm down. Then we talked a little today but he's distant. At least he's talking though. I'm just going to give it time and let him make the initiating if that's what he wants.
Ok thanks Sarah!
Oh Steph Steph... you should listen to Kevin's advice, he knows what he is talking about. If you can't refrain from texting him when you feel lonely then you need to delete his number and block him on all your social media etc. At least until you are feeling stronger. 1-2 months at least as Kevin suggested. Follow the plan and don't forget just NC is not enough, you need to keep working on yourself in the meantime. You are coming across as very needy and desperate and you need to become happy and confident before you even try to win him back. I know it may sound impossible right now, but I was in your place and trust me, going NC for 2 months and working on myself worked miracles. Good luck!
All I said was thanks
He just said thanks. Hope yours are too. Do I say thanks or just nothing?
All he said was yes. So I just said: ok. Hope you and your family are doing well. What do I do now? NC?
Hi Kevin. Tonight I was lonely and I sent him an email saying: do you ever read my email or texts/pics? it's really rude to ignore someone who has done alot to show they care for you and has always treated you with respect and kindness. Did I mess up for good? :(
And I'm scared he'll meet someone else and forget about me. Won't NC make him forget about me?
You think there's really a chance if I do NC? I'm scared that I'll never see him again.
Hi Kevin. I only applied no contact for 2 weeks. I will do 1-2 months. I hope this works. Thank you!
Did you apply no contact? If not, you should apply no contact for 1-2 months.
Thanks Sarah. Kevin do you agree with Sarah? Do I have a chance?
Oh Dear Steph.... You keep finding excuses to text him when you should be doing NC. Go NC right away for at least 1 month as suggested or you will keep pushing him away. And work on yourself in the meantime. Good luck!
I'm crying. I said: Remember that day I ignored you and you were sad? Well that's how I feel now since Tues since I last heard from you. Please forgive me. My parents and sister hate seeing me sad like this. You probably are happy not to see or talk to me but it's horrible for me. He hasn't responded.
Well Kevin him and I were talking for the past month again every day via text. He even said ok after I asked if we can hang out again but he never made plans. 3 days ago I didn't hear from him. I texted a lot asking what happened and please get back to me and I'm worried. He hasn't answered any of my texts the past three days. I sent about 7 the first day. 15 the second and 4 today. Do I go NC? It's so rude he randomly stopped again and I apologized for bothering him it's just I was worried or thought he was ignoring me. Do I have any chance?
We were talking yesterday and he started being silent in the middle of the conversation on gchat and I thought he was ignoring me but he was with a customer. He told me to calm down. Then we talked a little today but he's distant. At least he's talking though. I'm just going to give it time and let him make the initiating if that's what he wants.
Ok thanks Sarah!
Oh Steph Steph... you should listen to Kevin's advice, he knows what he is talking about. If you can't refrain from texting him when you feel lonely then you need to delete his number and block him on all your social media etc. At least until you are feeling stronger. 1-2 months at least as Kevin suggested. Follow the plan and don't forget just NC is not enough, you need to keep working on yourself in the meantime. You are coming across as very needy and desperate and you need to become happy and confident before you even try to win him back. I know it may sound impossible right now, but I was in your place and trust me, going NC for 2 months and working on myself worked miracles. Good luck!
All I said was thanks
He just said thanks. Hope yours are too. Do I say thanks or just nothing?
All he said was yes. So I just said: ok. Hope you and your family are doing well. What do I do now? NC?
Hi Kevin. Tonight I was lonely and I sent him an email saying: do you ever read my email or texts/pics? it's really rude to ignore someone who has done alot to show they care for you and has always treated you with respect and kindness. Did I mess up for good? :(
And I'm scared he'll meet someone else and forget about me. Won't NC make him forget about me?
You think there's really a chance if I do NC? I'm scared that I'll never see him again.
Hi Kevin. I only applied no contact for 2 weeks. I will do 1-2 months. I hope this works. Thank you!
Did you apply no contact? If not, you should apply no contact for 1-2 months.
Thanks Sarah. Kevin do you agree with Sarah? Do I have a chance?
Oh Dear Steph.... You keep finding excuses to text him when you should be doing NC. Go NC right away for at least 1 month as suggested or you will keep pushing him away. And work on yourself in the meantime. Good luck!
I'm crying. I said: Remember that day I ignored you and you were sad? Well that's how I feel now since Tues since I last heard from you. Please forgive me. My parents and sister hate seeing me sad like this. You probably are happy not to see or talk to me but it's horrible for me. He hasn't responded.
Well Kevin him and I were talking for the past month again every day via text. He even said ok after I asked if we can hang out again but he never made plans. 3 days ago I didn't hear from him. I texted a lot asking what happened and please get back to me and I'm worried. He hasn't answered any of my texts the past three days. I sent about 7 the first day. 15 the second and 4 today. Do I go NC? It's so rude he randomly stopped again and I apologized for bothering him it's just I was worried or thought he was ignoring me. Do I have any chance?
We were talking yesterday and he started being silent in the middle of the conversation on gchat and I thought he was ignoring me but he was with a customer. He told me to calm down. Then we talked a little today but he's distant. At least he's talking though. I'm just going to give it time and let him make the initiating if that's what he wants.
Ok thanks Sarah!
Oh Steph Steph... you should listen to Kevin's advice, he knows what he is talking about. If you can't refrain from texting him when you feel lonely then you need to delete his number and block him on all your social media etc. At least until you are feeling stronger. 1-2 months at least as Kevin suggested. Follow the plan and don't forget just NC is not enough, you need to keep working on yourself in the meantime. You are coming across as very needy and desperate and you need to become happy and confident before you even try to win him back. I know it may sound impossible right now, but I was in your place and trust me, going NC for 2 months and working on myself worked miracles. Good luck!
All I said was thanks
He just said thanks. Hope yours are too. Do I say thanks or just nothing?
All he said was yes. So I just said: ok. Hope you and your family are doing well. What do I do now? NC?
Hi Kevin. Tonight I was lonely and I sent him an email saying: do you ever read my email or texts/pics? it's really rude to ignore someone who has done alot to show they care for you and has always treated you with respect and kindness. Did I mess up for good? :(
And I'm scared he'll meet someone else and forget about me. Won't NC make him forget about me?
You think there's really a chance if I do NC? I'm scared that I'll never see him again.
Hi Kevin. I only applied no contact for 2 weeks. I will do 1-2 months. I hope this works. Thank you!
Did you apply no contact? If not, you should apply no contact for 1-2 months.
Thanks Sarah. Kevin do you agree with Sarah? Do I have a chance?
Oh Dear Steph.... You keep finding excuses to text him when you should be doing NC. Go NC right away for at least 1 month as suggested or you will keep pushing him away. And work on yourself in the meantime. Good luck!
I'm crying. I said: Remember that day I ignored you and you were sad? Well that's how I feel now since Tues since I last heard from you. Please forgive me. My parents and sister hate seeing me sad like this. You probably are happy not to see or talk to me but it's horrible for me. He hasn't responded.
Well Kevin him and I were talking for the past month again every day via text. He even said ok after I asked if we can hang out again but he never made plans. 3 days ago I didn't hear from him. I texted a lot asking what happened and please get back to me and I'm worried. He hasn't answered any of my texts the past three days. I sent about 7 the first day. 15 the second and 4 today. Do I go NC? It's so rude he randomly stopped again and I apologized for bothering him it's just I was worried or thought he was ignoring me. Do I have any chance?
We were talking yesterday and he started being silent in the middle of the conversation on gchat and I thought he was ignoring me but he was with a customer. He told me to calm down. Then we talked a little today but he's distant. At least he's talking though. I'm just going to give it time and let him make the initiating if that's what he wants.
Ok thanks Sarah!
Oh Steph Steph... you should listen to Kevin's advice, he knows what he is talking about. If you can't refrain from texting him when you feel lonely then you need to delete his number and block him on all your social media etc. At least until you are feeling stronger. 1-2 months at least as Kevin suggested. Follow the plan and don't forget just NC is not enough, you need to keep working on yourself in the meantime. You are coming across as very needy and desperate and you need to become happy and confident before you even try to win him back. I know it may sound impossible right now, but I was in your place and trust me, going NC for 2 months and working on myself worked miracles. Good luck!
All I said was thanks
He just said thanks. Hope yours are too. Do I say thanks or just nothing?
All he said was yes. So I just said: ok. Hope you and your family are doing well. What do I do now? NC?
Hi Kevin. Tonight I was lonely and I sent him an email saying: do you ever read my email or texts/pics? it's really rude to ignore someone who has done alot to show they care for you and has always treated you with respect and kindness. Did I mess up for good? :(
And I'm scared he'll meet someone else and forget about me. Won't NC make him forget about me?
You think there's really a chance if I do NC? I'm scared that I'll never see him again.
Hi Kevin. I only applied no contact for 2 weeks. I will do 1-2 months. I hope this works. Thank you!
Did you apply no contact? If not, you should apply no contact for 1-2 months.
Thanks Sarah. Kevin do you agree with Sarah? Do I have a chance?
Oh Dear Steph.... You keep finding excuses to text him when you should be doing NC. Go NC right away for at least 1 month as suggested or you will keep pushing him away. And work on yourself in the meantime. Good luck!
Ok. I'll go NC. I just wish that if he does talk to me again that he doesn't do this to me again. It's horrible. :-( I will move on but do you think there's a small chance?
I joined plenty of fish again (where I met him). In December I logged in again because he canceled one of our dates because I got home late from something else and I was tired of him not making many plans with me. Well he saw I logged in (without logging in.. I checked) and he got mad. I'm scared he'll get mad again but he has no right to because I haven't seen him in a few months and he hasn't made plans with me.
I texted today just saying I booked my tickets to Europe for my cousin's wedding and how I like this song I heard on the radio that's country. He got me into country music. But he didn't respond. Do you think he ever will? He responded yesterday.
Ok. I'll go NC. I just wish that if he does talk to me again that he doesn't do this to me again. It's horrible. :-( I will move on but do you think there's a small chance?
I joined plenty of fish again (where I met him). In December I logged in again because he canceled one of our dates because I got home late from something else and I was tired of him not making many plans with me. Well he saw I logged in (without logging in.. I checked) and he got mad. I'm scared he'll get mad again but he has no right to because I haven't seen him in a few months and he hasn't made plans with me.
I texted today just saying I booked my tickets to Europe for my cousin's wedding and how I like this song I heard on the radio that's country. He got me into country music. But he didn't respond. Do you think he ever will? He responded yesterday.
Ok. I'll go NC. I just wish that if he does talk to me again that he doesn't do this to me again. It's horrible. :-( I will move on but do you think there's a small chance?
I joined plenty of fish again (where I met him). In December I logged in again because he canceled one of our dates because I got home late from something else and I was tired of him not making many plans with me. Well he saw I logged in (without logging in.. I checked) and he got mad. I'm scared he'll get mad again but he has no right to because I haven't seen him in a few months and he hasn't made plans with me.
I texted today just saying I booked my tickets to Europe for my cousin's wedding and how I like this song I heard on the radio that's country. He got me into country music. But he didn't respond. Do you think he ever will? He responded yesterday.
I just said thanks for responding and hope work is going well. Should I do no contact for 1-2 months still?
I just said thanks for responding and hope work is going well. Should I do no contact for 1-2 months still?
Hi Kevin. Sorry. I texted him before I saw your response
Hi Kevin,
in my relationship everything was going good we would smile till our cheeks hurt we were excited about the whole thing we would see eachother every weekend and he would tell me he wanted a future together and all that jazz. then after we started getting really close he told me i was getting to attached this was my first relationship so i really didn't know how to react to that so i got more clingy in fear of losing him. we just stopped talking about a week and a half ago...we got into an argument because i told him off on some of his faults because he would do the same thing to me. and most of the things he would say he kept saying them only because his ex did wrong to him. I feel like i might have been a rebound girl but he told me i was better than his ex and that he loved me but still continued to compare me to her. also i guess we were not in the same places in our lives and he kept throwing that in my face. when he didn't even give our relationship a chance. now he deleted me off of Facebook lol and told me i had no respect. I still love this guy and i feel like what i said really deserved questioning rather then kicking me out of his life i haven't contacted him since the fight. do you think this is repairable? do you think he will ever talk to me again?
We say sexual things to each other but I'm going to stop doing that unless he asks me to hang out again
Good idea.
Sorry I meant to put this comment below.
Good idea.
Sorry I meant to put this comment below.
Good idea.
Sorry I meant to put this comment below.
We say sexual things to each other but I'm going to stop doing that unless he asks me to hang out again
Hi, Kevin!
My boyfriend broke up with me for the second time. First time was after 3 years of relationship and now after another 3 years. I was never able to get through the first break up, so I guess this leaded to the second one. It's been 3 months and I don't see any sign that he would want to get back together. I did all the mistakes you've mentioned and I all I got from him was anger and indifference. He sais he still loves me, but this is not enough to get back together, because if we get back together now, it will lead to the same conclusion eventually. The thing is, I don't really understand why he was ready to lose me twice even he loves me and why is he acting so awfull sometimes. I really can tell that he cares about me, because of the way he looks at me, but he still does nothing.. How can you love someone and still don;t care if you lose them for good? And all his dating and going out's, having fun every day just make me crazy. What should I do to make him see that the mistakes will not be repeated and it is worth to get back together just for the love we both share?
You should follow the plan. He does care about losing you. In fact, he doesn't want to lose you. You need to follow the plan to make him realize that.
You should follow the plan. He does care about losing you. In fact, he doesn't want to lose you. You need to follow the plan to make him realize that.
Hello Kevin,
Me and my ex broke up about a month ago. But 3 weeks after a breakup I saw her out, spoke to her saying sorry for my behavior during our relationship (I did drugs during some period of time and she didn't like it, that was the reason for the breakup, but I am clean now, I included that fact in my apology). The same night I was drunk texting her, telling that we should talk, she didn't reply because she wasn't online at the time but when she saw the messages a few days later she was like "what the hell". I even forgot about these messages and said sorry, then we just were joking about it and we had a first normal conversation since the break-up, with each other asking about each others health, joking and laughing around, the usual stuff, she stopped replying the next day however. A few days later, she texted me asking if I'm coming out on the weekend, but I couldn't because I was busy with the work plus I twisted my ankle. My friends who are close to her told me she wants to speak to me about something but she doesn't tell them what the conversation is going to be about. Do you have any idea what this can be about? And what should I do? Should I still keep in touch with her before seeing her?
You should keep in touch. Don't expect anything when you go. Just stay calm and confident throughout and take things slowly.
You should keep in touch. Don't expect anything when you go. Just stay calm and confident throughout and take things slowly.
Kevin,
After 30 days of NC, if your ex has not attempted to make any contact with you, isn't that a clear sign they are not wanting communication with you?
I've been dating someone for about a year and a half (I'm 30 and he is 35). We've had a fairly happy and content relationship. There was normal disagreements but for the most part we enjoyed every minute together. For the last couple months I asked about the direction of our relationship. We both admitted early in the relationship we wanted marriage and a family one day but I was started wondering why he thought we were not ready. Finally he said, I feel like I'm holding you back from your dreams and broke it off with me. He says he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. He had been experiencing "mental blocks" toward marriage and kids and needed to sort things out. He wants me to move on with my life. He has not made any communication with me except a call to update me on the status of he's dog's diagnosis (we just found out he's dog is terminally ill.)
He has closed the door on trying to work anything out together. So my question is, is it worth spending 30 days focusing on no contact? If he wants me to "move-on," shouldn't I focus on moving on and never seeing him again?
Whether or not you should move on is for you to decide. You will be able to make a better decision when you apply no contact for 30 days.
Whether or not you should move on is for you to decide. You will be able to make a better decision when you apply no contact for 30 days.
Dear Kevin,
I have actually implemented the same steps as to giving my ex space and we ended up getting back together even after shes' dated someone else and after I pushed her away with the "mistakes" that I've actually committed. After giving her space, she realized that she needed me and that she loved me. Thank you again for saving a relationship.
Sincerely,
Brian
You're welcome Brian. I am glad I could help.
You're welcome Brian. I am glad I could help.
Hey Kevin
Me and my ext were togethe for 16 months. We are both 22 years. I broke up with her this January with the idea to be just freinds and hopefully she would understand her mistakes and about a time we would be together again. Sadly she started searching for new boyfrined as soon as possible. When I asked her why so quickly, she became very angry and blocked me from fb and etc, and said we can't be friends if I ask her questions like this. Then I tried some desperate contacts via SMS but she was ignoring them. I called her one more time and she was even more angry and used rude words againts me. Since March she has a new boyfriend ( rebound relationship because she sent me naked pictures with both of them) and I applied no contact rule. After 30 days I called her to ask her to go grab something to eat, because I have a good occasion. She said no wished me all the best and so did I. After 5 minuts she called me as the angriest person on the world and again told me not to call her and etc and I hung up the phone. Is she really hating me or still hurt? Do I have still a chance?
She is still hurt and you do have a chance. You need to apply no contact again for at least one month.
She is no more with her ex, they had broken up before I called her. During the last converasion she said not to call her ever again and I think she really meant it. Yes she is still hurt, but I don't know how much time it has to pass in order her anger to be gone.
No one can say for sure, but I think you should give it at least one month.
I decided that I will try again as you said at least a month no contact. But what is the best aproach to contact her again as we already know that she was very angry the last time? I think I should try with the magic letter?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I decided that I will try again as you said at least a month no contact. But what is the best aproach to contact her again as we already know that she was very angry the last time? I think I should try with the magic letter?
I decided that I will try again as you said at least a month no contact. But what is the best aproach to contact her again as we already know that she was very angry the last time? I think I should try with the magic letter?
I decided that I will try again as you said at least a month no contact. But what is the best aproach to contact her again as we already know that she was very angry the last time? I think I should try with the magic letter?
I decided that I will try again as you said at least a month no contact. But what is the best aproach to contact her again as we already know that she was very angry the last time? I think I should try with the magic letter?
No one can say for sure, but I think you should give it at least one month.
No one can say for sure, but I think you should give it at least one month.
No one can say for sure, but I think you should give it at least one month.
She is no more with her ex, they had broken up before I called her. During the last converasion she said not to call her ever again and I think she really meant it. Yes she is still hurt, but I don't know how much time it has to pass in order her anger to be gone.
She is no more with her ex, they had broken up before I called her. During the last converasion she said not to call her ever again and I think she really meant it. Yes she is still hurt, but I don't know how much time it has to pass in order her anger to be gone.
She is still hurt and you do have a chance. You need to apply no contact again for at least one month.
Hello Kevin,
So me and my boyfriend have been dating for around a year, and he said that he just wanted a break and that he is very stressed right now. So I am trying to give him his space. However, I made a mistake and texted him a few days afterwards and he said that it is over and that he is moving on.. And I am crushed. Although, my friend tried to talk to him and he said that he really doesn't want a relationship right now and that he wasn't sure if this was a permanent thing or if it was just temporary. I am not sure what I am supposed to do. You see our relationship was starting to head south at the end of our relationship, and it was apparent that he was very stressed out because of school, exams, and pressure from his parents. I have no clue what I am supposed to do. I just want to fix and revive our relationship, I realize that he still has feelings for me but I am terrified that he is going to just give up and move on completely. I see him around a lot, although we don't really talk. And this is all breaking my heart.. Do I have a chance? Is there any hope? Do you think that he doesn't want a relationship because of the stress? I honestly have no idea. I have already initiated no contact. I am just really scared that he is going to move on for good. I love him with all my heart and soul. Thank you so much.
You do have a chance.
I am just scared. He texted me the other day and he said that he didn't think that we are going to get back together and we haven't talked at all after the break up. All he has done since then is, today, I was sitting down and I had my head down and he walked up to me and he gently touched my hand and he just kind of looked at me. It was rather strange (but it was super sweet). Is this a good sign? Does him saying that we wont get back together mean that I have no chance? It sounds like he wants this to be permanent.. I am so scared.
It doesn't mean you have no chance. A lot of people say this after a breakup and then take it back.
THANK YOU! :) I am just going to focus on myself for right now and give him the time and space he needs. :)
Hi kevin im suffering a lot me and boyfriend we broke up for no lesson he last week he told me i dont want me anymore in his life i must leave him alone i made a lot of mistakes to text him everyday but he is not responding and he puts me on reject i tried everyday to text or call him but no respond.we were on a distance relationship he very far with me but i use to travel to him that was very good...will he still come back to me i love him soo much what can i do????does he meant it when he says he dont want me in his entire life??
Hi Kukuy,
I am sorry you are going through this. I recommend you follow this plan. I think you still have a chance.
Hi Kukuy,
I am sorry you are going through this. I recommend you follow this plan. I think you still have a chance.
Hi Kukuy,
I am sorry you are going through this. I recommend you follow this plan. I think you still have a chance.
Hi Kukuy,
I am sorry you are going through this. I recommend you follow this plan. I think you still have a chance.
Hi Kukuy,
I am sorry you are going through this. I recommend you follow this plan. I think you still have a chance.
Hi Kukuy,
I am sorry you are going through this. I recommend you follow this plan. I think you still have a chance.
Hi Kukuy,
I am sorry you are going through this. I recommend you follow this plan. I think you still have a chance.
Hi kevin im suffering a lot me and boyfriend we broke up for no lesson he last week he told me i dont want me anymore in his life i must leave him alone i made a lot of mistakes to text him everyday but he is not responding and he puts me on reject i tried everyday to text or call him but no respond.we were on a distance relationship he very far with me but i use to travel to him that was very good...will he still come back to me i love him soo much what can i do????does he meant it when he says he dont want me in his entire life??
Hi kevin im suffering a lot me and boyfriend we broke up for no lesson he last week he told me i dont want me anymore in his life i must leave him alone i made a lot of mistakes to text him everyday but he is not responding and he puts me on reject i tried everyday to text or call him but no respond.we were on a distance relationship he very far with me but i use to travel to him that was very good...will he still come back to me i love him soo much what can i do????does he meant it when he says he dont want me in his entire life??
Hi kevin im suffering a lot me and boyfriend we broke up for no lesson he last week he told me i dont want me anymore in his life i must leave him alone i made a lot of mistakes to text him everyday but he is not responding and he puts me on reject i tried everyday to text or call him but no respond.we were on a distance relationship he very far with me but i use to travel to him that was very good...will he still come back to me i love him soo much what can i do????does he meant it when he says he dont want me in his entire life??
Hi kevin im suffering a lot me and boyfriend we broke up for no lesson he last week he told me i dont want me anymore in his life i must leave him alone i made a lot of mistakes to text him everyday but he is not responding and he puts me on reject i tried everyday to text or call him but no respond.we were on a distance relationship he very far with me but i use to travel to him that was very good...will he still come back to me i love him soo much what can i do????does he meant it when he says he dont want me in his entire life??
Hi kevin im suffering a lot me and boyfriend we broke up for no lesson he last week he told me i dont want me anymore in his life i must leave him alone i made a lot of mistakes to text him everyday but he is not responding and he puts me on reject i tried everyday to text or call him but no respond.we were on a distance relationship he very far with me but i use to travel to him that was very good...will he still come back to me i love him soo much what can i do????does he meant it when he says he dont want me in his entire life??
THANK YOU! :) I am just going to focus on myself for right now and give him the time and space he needs. :)
THANK YOU! :) I am just going to focus on myself for right now and give him the time and space he needs. :)
THANK YOU! :) I am just going to focus on myself for right now and give him the time and space he needs. :)
THANK YOU! :) I am just going to focus on myself for right now and give him the time and space he needs. :)
It doesn't mean you have no chance. A lot of people say this after a breakup and then take it back.
It doesn't mean you have no chance. A lot of people say this after a breakup and then take it back.
It doesn't mean you have no chance. A lot of people say this after a breakup and then take it back.
What do I say? He is now talking to me.. He is not sure if this is a permanent or temporary thing. How do I convince him to make this temporary? I am so terrified that he is going to move on.
Let it be his idea to break up with the other girl. All you need to do is be confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Well, he hasn't actually dated anyone else yet. And he avoids me at all costs. At first he said we can get back together and in the mean time we'll just be friends. And one of his kind of close friends said that he really didn't want to do this that his grades were just slipping. If he doesn't want a relationship right now, does that mean that he doesn't want a relationship all of school?
I can't say for sure, but it seems like he is not over you and he certainly doesn't want to lose you forever. I think if you just be confident and follow the advice in the 5 step plan, you'll have a good chance.
I can't say for sure, but it seems like he is not over you and he certainly doesn't want to lose you forever. I think if you just be confident and follow the advice in the 5 step plan, you'll have a good chance.
I can't say for sure, but it seems like he is not over you and he certainly doesn't want to lose you forever. I think if you just be confident and follow the advice in the 5 step plan, you'll have a good chance.
I can't say for sure, but it seems like he is not over you and he certainly doesn't want to lose you forever. I think if you just be confident and follow the advice in the 5 step plan, you'll have a good chance.
I can't say for sure, but it seems like he is not over you and he certainly doesn't want to lose you forever. I think if you just be confident and follow the advice in the 5 step plan, you'll have a good chance.
I can't say for sure, but it seems like he is not over you and he certainly doesn't want to lose you forever. I think if you just be confident and follow the advice in the 5 step plan, you'll have a good chance.
Well, he hasn't actually dated anyone else yet. And he avoids me at all costs. At first he said we can get back together and in the mean time we'll just be friends. And one of his kind of close friends said that he really didn't want to do this that his grades were just slipping. If he doesn't want a relationship right now, does that mean that he doesn't want a relationship all of school?
Well, he hasn't actually dated anyone else yet. And he avoids me at all costs. At first he said we can get back together and in the mean time we'll just be friends. And one of his kind of close friends said that he really didn't want to do this that his grades were just slipping. If he doesn't want a relationship right now, does that mean that he doesn't want a relationship all of school?
Well, he hasn't actually dated anyone else yet. And he avoids me at all costs. At first he said we can get back together and in the mean time we'll just be friends. And one of his kind of close friends said that he really didn't want to do this that his grades were just slipping. If he doesn't want a relationship right now, does that mean that he doesn't want a relationship all of school?
Well, he hasn't actually dated anyone else yet. And he avoids me at all costs. At first he said we can get back together and in the mean time we'll just be friends. And one of his kind of close friends said that he really didn't want to do this that his grades were just slipping. If he doesn't want a relationship right now, does that mean that he doesn't want a relationship all of school?
Let it be his idea to break up with the other girl. All you need to do is be confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Let it be his idea to break up with the other girl. All you need to do is be confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
Let it be his idea to break up with the other girl. All you need to do is be confident and don't show any signs of neediness.
I am just scared. He texted me the other day and he said that he didn't think that we are going to get back together and we haven't talked at all after the break up. All he has done since then is, today, I was sitting down and I had my head down and he walked up to me and he gently touched my hand and he just kind of looked at me. It was rather strange (but it was super sweet). Is this a good sign? Does him saying that we wont get back together mean that I have no chance? It sounds like he wants this to be permanent.. I am so scared.
What do I say? He is now talking to me.. He is not sure if this is a permanent or temporary thing. How do I convince him to make this temporary? I am so terrified that he is going to move on.
I am just scared. He texted me the other day and he said that he didn't think that we are going to get back together and we haven't talked at all after the break up. All he has done since then is, today, I was sitting down and I had my head down and he walked up to me and he gently touched my hand and he just kind of looked at me. It was rather strange (but it was super sweet). Is this a good sign? Does him saying that we wont get back together mean that I have no chance? It sounds like he wants this to be permanent.. I am so scared.
What do I say? He is now talking to me.. He is not sure if this is a permanent or temporary thing. How do I convince him to make this temporary? I am so terrified that he is going to move on.
You do have a chance.
Why is my comment stuck in moderation?
Hey Britt,
Sorry it took a while to reply. I've replied to you here.
Hey Britt,
Sorry it took a while to reply. I've replied to you here.
Hey Kevin, I don't think you can remember since you receive so many comments daily. I'm 21, my ex is 26 and we dated for two months. But a lot happened, and eventually he decided leaving me was better than staying in a broken relationship.
I have experience with relationships. Usually these things blow over. I figured I'd talk to him 6-12 months later and even told him so. Well, upon second thought this was too long. We dated just some weeks. My past relationships were much longer. I wrote to you, and you suggested careful thinking. Try again in 2-3 months. I tried 2 1/2 months later. He is still pissed. First thing he said to me suggested calling the police for harassment. Yet he's still in a bad mood but won't go out with me. I told him I let go of the past and expect him to do the same.
What do you think?
If he's pissed, it means he is still not over you. You should apply more no contact. After no contact, you should send the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Sorry for the late response, I couldn't find this particular comment. Notifications are turned off.
That is what I figured, he still misses me and cares for me. The only emotion he's shown is anger. How much more NC do you think I should apply? I thought another month or two might be good. What do you think?
I agree. At least a month.
Well, I spoke to the police and they basically said, "Even if he does actually call in, we're not gonna be able to do anything. What would he report you FOR? If you've tried to say, let it go and all that and he's threatening to call the police..." But what if it happens again next time? "He's allowed to say that because it's protected under the freedom of speech. However, you wouldn't get in trouble." So I think I can still try again later as we've mentioned.
Thanks for the help.
Well, when we broke up he said not to contact him or else he'd call the police. I did cave with several similar emails. I explained I let go and forgot everything I knew about him. But he was still hurt two months later. Anger was the only thing he knew. When I admitted I missed him, he stopped being angry. I think he feels the same way. But all the other progress caused him to be angry again.
He's also tried rebound dates with other women. I was hoping to wait two more months with full NC. Then text or Skype him. However, the police thing really scares me. Plus he "got tired of her crap". Yet he was reluctant to break up. I already sent an email to the police. What do you think?
I also think you should do no contact for at least 2 months. I also think that you should go on a few dates during the no contact period.
I also think you should do no contact for at least 2 months. I also think that you should go on a few dates during the no contact period.
I also think you should do no contact for at least 2 months. I also think that you should go on a few dates during the no contact period.
I also think you should do no contact for at least 2 months. I also think that you should go on a few dates during the no contact period.
I also think you should do no contact for at least 2 months. I also think that you should go on a few dates during the no contact period.
I also think you should do no contact for at least 2 months. I also think that you should go on a few dates during the no contact period.
Well, I spoke to the police and they basically said, "Even if he does actually call in, we're not gonna be able to do anything. What would he report you FOR? If you've tried to say, let it go and all that and he's threatening to call the police..." But what if it happens again next time? "He's allowed to say that because it's protected under the freedom of speech. However, you wouldn't get in trouble." So I think I can still try again later as we've mentioned.
Thanks for the help.
Well, when we broke up he said not to contact him or else he'd call the police. I did cave with several similar emails. I explained I let go and forgot everything I knew about him. But he was still hurt two months later. Anger was the only thing he knew. When I admitted I missed him, he stopped being angry. I think he feels the same way. But all the other progress caused him to be angry again.
He's also tried rebound dates with other women. I was hoping to wait two more months with full NC. Then text or Skype him. However, the police thing really scares me. Plus he "got tired of her crap". Yet he was reluctant to break up. I already sent an email to the police. What do you think?
Well, I spoke to the police and they basically said, "Even if he does actually call in, we're not gonna be able to do anything. What would he report you FOR? If you've tried to say, let it go and all that and he's threatening to call the police..." But what if it happens again next time? "He's allowed to say that because it's protected under the freedom of speech. However, you wouldn't get in trouble." So I think I can still try again later as we've mentioned.
Thanks for the help.
Well, when we broke up he said not to contact him or else he'd call the police. I did cave with several similar emails. I explained I let go and forgot everything I knew about him. But he was still hurt two months later. Anger was the only thing he knew. When I admitted I missed him, he stopped being angry. I think he feels the same way. But all the other progress caused him to be angry again.
He's also tried rebound dates with other women. I was hoping to wait two more months with full NC. Then text or Skype him. However, the police thing really scares me. Plus he "got tired of her crap". Yet he was reluctant to break up. I already sent an email to the police. What do you think?
Well, I spoke to the police and they basically said, "Even if he does actually call in, we're not gonna be able to do anything. What would he report you FOR? If you've tried to say, let it go and all that and he's threatening to call the police..." But what if it happens again next time? "He's allowed to say that because it's protected under the freedom of speech. However, you wouldn't get in trouble." So I think I can still try again later as we've mentioned.
Thanks for the help.
Well, when we broke up he said not to contact him or else he'd call the police. I did cave with several similar emails. I explained I let go and forgot everything I knew about him. But he was still hurt two months later. Anger was the only thing he knew. When I admitted I missed him, he stopped being angry. I think he feels the same way. But all the other progress caused him to be angry again.
He's also tried rebound dates with other women. I was hoping to wait two more months with full NC. Then text or Skype him. However, the police thing really scares me. Plus he "got tired of her crap". Yet he was reluctant to break up. I already sent an email to the police. What do you think?
Well, I spoke to the police and they basically said, "Even if he does actually call in, we're not gonna be able to do anything. What would he report you FOR? If you've tried to say, let it go and all that and he's threatening to call the police..." But what if it happens again next time? "He's allowed to say that because it's protected under the freedom of speech. However, you wouldn't get in trouble." So I think I can still try again later as we've mentioned.
Thanks for the help.
Well, when we broke up he said not to contact him or else he'd call the police. I did cave with several similar emails. I explained I let go and forgot everything I knew about him. But he was still hurt two months later. Anger was the only thing he knew. When I admitted I missed him, he stopped being angry. I think he feels the same way. But all the other progress caused him to be angry again.
He's also tried rebound dates with other women. I was hoping to wait two more months with full NC. Then text or Skype him. However, the police thing really scares me. Plus he "got tired of her crap". Yet he was reluctant to break up. I already sent an email to the police. What do you think?
I agree. At least a month.
I agree. At least a month.
I agree. At least a month.
Sorry for the late response, I couldn't find this particular comment. Notifications are turned off.
That is what I figured, he still misses me and cares for me. The only emotion he's shown is anger. How much more NC do you think I should apply? I thought another month or two might be good. What do you think?
Sorry for the late response, I couldn't find this particular comment. Notifications are turned off.
That is what I figured, he still misses me and cares for me. The only emotion he's shown is anger. How much more NC do you think I should apply? I thought another month or two might be good. What do you think?
If he's pissed, it means he is still not over you. You should apply more no contact. After no contact, you should send the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
So me and my ex broke up a year ago this month, we were together for 11/12 months and i would say he's my first love. Ive never experienced a love like this and neither did he... He was literally crazy about me. The first 6 months were perfect, nothing was wrong he was my best friend, he supported me we spoke every minute of the day. We started arguing and even though its was little arguments they started to build up, at one point i was going to end the relationship myself because i felt like he was hurting me on purpose. After the honeymoon period was over it went downhill from there and he wasnt putting the effort in but he always told me he loved me and that i should always remember that. He put alot into the relationship but because of certain circumstances we just couldnt be together and i understand that.
What i dont understand is why he continues to hurt me? I will admit i did chase him for about 3 months and i wish i never did that but at the time i felt like i had to speak to him. He's done alot after the breakup but that hasnt hurt me.. whats hurt me is he's with my bestfriends cousin? I understand he found her attractive before we where together but if it was that serious he would have fallen in love with her rather than me. Everytime he see's me he just walks past me like i dont exsist, like im not even there. However, hes always telling his friends how much he misses me and hes always depressed?
He loves putting up pictures of what him and his new girlfriend have on social networks but whenever i see him, he isnt 100% happy... Personally i dont want to talk to him because Im too hurt by the situation and for the past year i have been single physically but emotionally i havent and my heart is with him. From what i know i dont think there relationship is serious and this confuses the hell out of me because i dont understand why you'd be with someone you dont love? What im really trying to ask is, what shall i do? We've bin in the no contact period or basically 3 months but he did contact me to argue with me and completely over reacted to a situation involving me. Is he trying to hurt me or is he generally trying to move on? Do I move on without really moving on? All I know is there is nothing in this world i wouldnt do for him and ive never cared or loved anyone like the way i love him.
Hey Jade,
If it's been one year, I'll recommend you try to move on. Even though there is a chance you might get him back, in my opinion, it's not worth wasting more time. IF you decide to pursue him more, you should get back in touch with him using the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hey Jade,
If it's been one year, I'll recommend you try to move on. Even though there is a chance you might get him back, in my opinion, it's not worth wasting more time. IF you decide to pursue him more, you should get back in touch with him using the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
So my ex broke up with me six weeks ago, because he got scared of how committed our relationship was. I just found out from him today that he's seeing someone and was really surprised as I still think it's so soon considering how serious our relationship was. He said he met her a couple of weeks ago and they've seen each other a couple of times, but I also happen to know that they have already slept together. He still wants me in his life and has arranged to call me to catch up later in the week. When he was telling me about the girl he said it wasn't anything serious and he couldn't see it going anywhere. Do you think this is a rebound? I read everything above, but he wouldn't have volunteered the information about this new girl to me without me asking and he didn't seem too keen on telling me about her. What do you think?
Yes, it's most probably a rebound.
I thought so. He's still saying he wants make me the effort to keep me in his life and make us work as 'friends'. Do you think there is hope for us at all?
Yes I do.
Yes I do.
Yes I do.
Yes I do.
I thought so. He's still saying he wants make me the effort to keep me in his life and make us work as 'friends'. Do you think there is hope for us at all?
I thought so. He's still saying he wants make me the effort to keep me in his life and make us work as 'friends'. Do you think there is hope for us at all?
Yes, it's most probably a rebound.
Hey Kevin,
We broke after 3 years and when I tried to talk things through in person she told me she won't be able to not want me so it will not be a good idea.. It will be a very anxious month for her and I let her cool but after two weeks of NC do I text her good luck before her first SAT exam? If she wants to meet after the exams should I see her?
Yes and yes.
Yes and yes.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He was in the army when I met him and was in Iraq the entire first year of our relationship. When he got back we moved in together and have lived together since then. We had our ups and downs but no more than any other couple up until the last 7 months. We grew apart while living together, it was actually me who pushed him away. I grew very depressed and really shut down barely talking to him when he was here and our romantic relationship ceased to exist. We grew further apart and eventually hit a breaking point. He broke up with me and has now found his own place and is moving out this weekend. He says he wants to remain in contact and be friends because we have a great group of friends who love to do things together during the summer and we don't want it to be awkward for us to all hang out. I want to remain his friend but I still love him. Even though we have been distant for awhile it hurts to have him leaving our home together. Do you think he will come back around and want to start a relationship again or should I abandon my hopes of one day being together and stay good friends with him? I feel as though he is only seeing the negitive in our relationship because things have not been great for awhile. Will he remember the good and come back or is this one I just have to let go? If only I could see the future.. Any kind of advice would help I'm just sort of at a loss right now.
Thank you.
Hey Stacey,
I can't say for sure what will happen but I do think you have a chance if you follow the advice in the article.
Hey Stacey,
I can't say for sure what will happen but I do think you have a chance if you follow the advice in the article.
Hi kevin
Ive always been an overthinker and ive told my ex this so i tend to overanalyze what he says to me and he would compare me to his past and this hurt me so i asked him to stop we broke up not to long after that then he wants me back and i start feeling anxious cause im losing him and he might breakup with me then he asks me if i like another guy and he starts accusing me of being like his ex so i brokeup with him because he says hes still hurt. then We got into a fight and he feels ive insulted him and put the blame on him and he told me not to contact him i looked kind of pathetic cause i kept calling him after that i havent talked to him in a couple weeks i really love him i want a second chance but now he left me cold and deleted me off of facebook...and hasnt contacted me in a couple weeks..do you think i ruined our relationship? Everything was going so well..before i started falling for him
You still have hope. Follow the 5 step plan.
You still have hope. Follow the 5 step plan.
I'm not entirely sure what else you can tell me that you haven't already written here. But, my ex and I have been broken up for almost two months. Not once in that time have I reached out to him, not through a text, a call, an email, a friend or anything. In fact, I deleted my Facebook and my Instagram and all of our texts.
That said, he hasn't reached out either. We accidentally ran into each other two weeks after we broke up and he texted me later that day saying although he has no intention of never seeing me again (because he "could never do that"), he said he wasn't ready yet to see me or talk...which is weird seeing as he ended the relationship. The split was civil and sad, but no begging or pleading or hysterics on my part. I let him go because I had no other choice. In fact, I know that we both need some time away from one another to grow as individuals, but I'm scared my feeling that we can work it out again isn't reciprocated. He can be so black and white when it comes to decisions that I'm afraid he's going to stick to this even though he may feel even an inkling otherwise. I've made a point to focus on myself this entire time. I've re-entered my yoga practice and workouts, I'm seeing a counselor to help me figure myself out even apart from our failed relationship.
I guess my question is, even though it has been 2 months of no contact, I'm not really feeling ready to speak with him yet. Should I continue doing what I'm doing? Do you think there is any hope?
If you don't feel ready, give it another month. But, if you want to get back together, you should eventually reach out to him. Yes, I do think there's hope.
If you don't feel ready, give it another month. But, if you want to get back together, you should eventually reach out to him. Yes, I do think there's hope.
Kevin,
I signed up today, when will I get my first email? I need the support asap. We dated for 2 years, broke up three months ago and I made all the mistakes. Although, she would call/facetime me and tell me she missed me and how much she loved me too. We would talk about how special we are to each other, but I have two children and she couldn't deal with the ex issue. It has bee really rocky over the last few weeks and she admitted to going out on a date last night after I pressure her. I truly believe it was the first real date she has been on since we broke up. I will admit that I have gone on a couple myself, but didn't tell her that. I was initially upset and told her I wouldn't still be around to watch her move on. I told her I wouldn't call anymore. She said no one will ever compare to me, but she doesn't know what else to do to get over me. She got really sad and started crying. I sincerely told her I want her to be happy and I understand that is what she is trying to do before we got off the phone - I was sincere, but hiding a tremendous amount of pain.
I am hoping a period of no contact will allow me to clear my head and allow her to realize how good we fit together. Do you think I have a chance?
Hey, so I finally met with my ex just after a month. I attempted to get back together, she said she was still confused about things and she doesn't want to hold me back. She doesn't feel the same. She thought that I was dating someone, and she said she was happy about it. She said she still cares about me and that she wants to be friends. So I am going to try being her friend. I am trying to move on, but I do not want her out of my life quite yet. We have had small talks over texts that were just casual, but that is it. I know no matter what that this will take a lot of time.
Any recommendations?
You shouldn't try to get back together when you meet her. You should be subtle in your approach. You should apply no contact for two more weeks.
You shouldn't try to get back together when you meet her. You should be subtle in your approach. You should apply no contact for two more weeks.
I should really emphasize the reason for the breakup was not a lack of passion, love, similar interests, one sided relationship, etc. It was because she couldn't deal with my ex being manipulative and the hardship of possibly being a step-mother. This is a real issue for her and her family (at least some of them) get in her head and make her question if it is a situation that will make her miserable in the long run. She has never been married, nor does she have children of her own. When it is just the two of us there couldn't be two people more perfect together. But, every other weekend I have the children and she gets very depressed and withdrawn. A couple days later we are back to normal. One time she didn't bounce back, we both over-reacted, and we broke up. We have never gone more than a day without talking to each other, even when we were upset with each other. The contact was both ways, if I didn't call her she would call me. The last few weeks have been different and I will admit that I broke every rule above for months. She went out on a date last night and we amicably agreed to stop contacting each other.
Thank you and I'm looking forward to getting started. I will do the no contact regardless, but I am just wondering if you think I have a chance?
Austin
Hey Austin,
I do think you have a chance if you apply no contact.
Hey Austin,
I do think you have a chance if you apply no contact.
I am doing the NC but she just texted me today. What should I do?
Don't reply. If she keeps texting you, tell her you need space and time.
Don't reply. If she keeps texting you, tell her you need space and time.
Hey Kevin possibly good update?
Well I am now 15 days no contact and I really am starting to feel great, independent, and confident again like for real this time because I actually have been focusing on myself. First few days of no contact sucked but its been getting better. I've even been talking to other guys and going on a few dates as recommended in the article. I really do still miss my ex and still have that interest in getting back together but I know its not the end of the world if we don't but I really do believe its possible. About 8 days into no contact my ex started opening my snapchat stories again after ignoring them for a week. I'm wondering if this was his way of getting my attention and indulging in his curiosity. Then just thursday i saw he tweeted "friends turning into strangers f 'em" pretty sure that was about me because I was like 11 days into no contact and after he tweeted this he stopped opening the things i posted. Do you take this as a good sign since he is still showing emotions? And what should I do next I know that I need to finish no contact and it works perfectly because I'll be back home (where he lives) from school a little before I finish contact so I think this will influence him to try to hang out like the last time I was home. What should be my moves to make the best effect while at home? And what should I do to increase is interest even more? And again is is anger and on and off ignoring and avoiding a good sign? Thank you so much for everything you have made this process so much easier.
You should contact him around one week after you reach home (so you give him some time to contact you first). I think you will do great. All the best.
Thanks so much:) and a week works perfect because that will meet my 30 day mark! I am really proud of myself and I thank you so much for showing me the way to get back to my normal self!! If he doesn't contact I was thinking of going with the something reminded me of you text. I'm hoping it will go well :) will keep you updated!!
Thanks so much:) and a week works perfect because that will meet my 30 day mark! I am really proud of myself and I thank you so much for showing me the way to get back to my normal self!! If he doesn't contact I was thinking of going with the something reminded me of you text. I'm hoping it will go well :) will keep you updated!!
Thanks so much:) and a week works perfect because that will meet my 30 day mark! I am really proud of myself and I thank you so much for showing me the way to get back to my normal self!! If he doesn't contact I was thinking of going with the something reminded me of you text. I'm hoping it will go well :) will keep you updated!!
Also I pretty know for sure that he isn't talking to anyone or doing anything really such as going out and having fun as I have.
You should contact him around one week after you reach home (so you give him some time to contact you first). I think you will do great. All the best.
Also I pretty know for sure that he isn't talking to anyone or doing anything really such as going out and having fun as I have.
Hey Kevin
My girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me bc she said that I love her more than she loves me. So she didn't think it wasn't fair to me. But she has also given me other reasons like she doesn't want a relationship at the moment and wants to focus more on school and sports. I'm a freshman in college so I see her all the time and we talk a lot. She has told me that she still likes me and she texts me everyday. It's been about one month since she dumped me and I have recently asked her to the movies and she has said yes. Everything was fine and this was completely unexpected. I still love her very much and need your advice on what to do next. Thank you.
Hi kevin great website
The last day i saw my ex was to return each others things. He texted me on monday coldly that we needed to talk i said i whats wrong he pretty much told me what was up, i said i would like to talk when my kids were in bed ( i have two he has 3) and he was just a dick about it, finally we agreed after his work and we met in a parking lot. I got out gave him his kids gifts that i had bought months prior to his twins bday. He is divorced at 24 with 3 kids and only had 2 gfs. He told me we had two different parenting styles and that we clashed in that way and he wasnt going to change his temper. I followed these steps took ownership with what i did, thanked him for being a good man and helping me and also told him that no relationship is perfect and takes hard work we were just at a down phase and that i wished him happiness etc. After small chat i gave him a hug said i would miss him, he said nothing and he drove off. i did not cry or plead in front of him etc.
I was just removed from his FB account, and his family is still on mine right now. Does him removing me from his FB account mean he has moved on after a week? We were together for 9 months, in the beginning we went through some baby daddy drama but fought through it, he proclaimed he was here for the tough times that he wanted to be the man that was going to be who i wanted and that he loved me so much and wanted to marry me till we were old and grey. We had a ton of fun together, didnt always see eye to eye but we have such good chemistry and good times. Love him to pieces.
What should i do in this case, apply the no contact 30 day rule and follow 1-5 which i did. Next time i could contact him would be may 27th as that was the last day i spoke with him. I havent asked anyone about him i was good about not creeping his profile till i noticed he wasnt on it anymore, i kept my fb status upbeat positive fun, i re did my hair to look so good. I started making my home more elegant etc, and working out. I also started to sleep more, as i had a brand new baby. And i did not text him or message him after that day
Is there any hope left for us, that he will contact me or miss me or return to me for us to have a happy strong relationship??? or what do you think in your opinion i should do. I tried reading some of the above situations but none applied to me thus far. When i can contact him though, what can i say, and if he doesnt respond, do i still keep messaging him a week after???
I guess in my head i think, what if he finds someone 100x better than me and forgets what we had! How we made a good team and how good of a woman i was to him and his kids and him to mine. I really need some advice as my gfs provide no help and this website has eased some of my tensions.
Please help lol like everyone here,
also thank you for reading this it must take up hours or days to respond. But i so appreciate it, and i wasnt always a good woman but i am now and i dearly love this man to the moon and back. Thank you for any advise you give here.
Regards
Naomi~
Hey Naomi,
You do have a chance and you should follow the plan. There's always a chance that he will find someone else during this no contact period. But even if he does, that relationship will probably be a rebound and it will end soon. You should concentrate less on him, and more on yourself during this no contact period.
Hey Naomi,
You do have a chance and you should follow the plan. There's always a chance that he will find someone else during this no contact period. But even if he does, that relationship will probably be a rebound and it will end soon. You should concentrate less on him, and more on yourself during this no contact period.
I sent my comment on 28-Apr, but it has not yet been posted. Now I re-send and update my latest situation to you.
---------------------------------
I’m glad to read your article, you give me mentally support on this. But I don’t know my case can be applied on your method.
My age is 29 & I’m an Asian. His age is 31 & He is an European. We are cross-culture relationship. Our relationship is only 8 months. It is really short. He is my colleagues, but we are not working in the same place, but same country. My story as below:
My ex boyfriend broke up with my about 3 weeks ago. He cried on me to say that he did not know what he had and what he wants currently, he wanted to be alone. He was stressful in our relationship. Also he said he is always busy, he cannot date with me and sometime he wanted to be alone or date with his friends in weekend. He cannot handle it. He said he is not a good boyfriend, he cannot achieve my boyfriend standard, so I can deserve better one. Furthermore, he concerned that he will leave this country to go to another counties for working in future. So he wanted to break up. Also he said he is very very like me.
It is so sudden for me. Actually, I hadn’t never complained anymore. Because I understand his job is really busy. Also I am flexible and independent, I am not clingy with him, I always give him a lot of space. We meet once a week or two weeks and sometimes I stayed over to his home 1 day only. We seldom talk on phone, using what’s app for our communication. So I don’t know why he will use this reason for breakup.
I tried to convince him. And asked him, did his parents’ get divorce recently? (His parents got divorce on March.) He said he didn’t know. Then, I told him it was so sudden and I could not accept on this. He said giving him a few weeks to think keeping or moving on our relationship, I agreed and end this topic. Luckily, I haven’t cry on that day and comforted him.
After shower, we didn’t talk this topic. When we slept, I tested him that I cuddled him, he was willing me to do. And he also did the same.
Second day, when I left at his home, he also kissed my lip. Until I slept, I sent "good night" message to him. He replied, but without kiss message. My feeling was strange, I felt he tried to put me in friend zone. Before Easter day, I delivered Easter egg to him. He was happy and said thank you. However, he already put me in his friend zone because he said hello (my name), not babe/bb. So I ensure now we are over.
From that day, I started to the “30 days - no contact” rule and followed the plan, now is 20 days. Until now, I have not received any call from him and started to think, he is very very like me but not love me, will he miss me or forget me during the time? And I started to doubt his breakup reasons, is it excuse? Does he really want to be alone? Is the “Get him back plan” workable? My feeling is really mess. Sorry, my story is too long. I am really love him, please help me.
Hey,
Unfortunately, I can't really say what he is feeling or his breakup reason was just an excuse. The best you can do is follow the plan, contact him after 30 days and hope for the best. If it doesn't work, you should move on.
Thank you, Kevin.
Actually, I feel he has depression. Because of family issue and work load is huge. (My company structure is changed recently, he always work overtime and feel stressful.)
Furthermore, my stuff is still at his home. If we have a good date after 30 days, do I need to suggest taking away my stuff from his home?
It's your choice, but it's not necessary unless you really need it. If he brings it up, then agree to him that you will take it.
It's your choice, but it's not necessary unless you really need it. If he brings it up, then agree to him that you will take it.
It's your choice, but it's not necessary unless you really need it. If he brings it up, then agree to him that you will take it.
It's your choice, but it's not necessary unless you really need it. If he brings it up, then agree to him that you will take it.
Thank you, Kevin.
Actually, I feel he has depression. Because of family issue and work load is huge. (My company structure is changed recently, he always work overtime and feel stressful.)
Furthermore, my stuff is still at his home. If we have a good date after 30 days, do I need to suggest taking away my stuff from his home?
Thank you, Kevin.
Actually, I feel he has depression. Because of family issue and work load is huge. (My company structure is changed recently, he always work overtime and feel stressful.)
Furthermore, my stuff is still at his home. If we have a good date after 30 days, do I need to suggest taking away my stuff from his home?
Hey,
Unfortunately, I can't really say what he is feeling or his breakup reason was just an excuse. The best you can do is follow the plan, contact him after 30 days and hope for the best. If it doesn't work, you should move on.
Hey Kev,
I broke up with my ex of 5 years for reasons I believe I somehow made up in my head and forced myself to turn myself off her. She came up and stayed the night a week after the breakup, told me that this would be the last time she came up as it was too hard. within days, I realized that I made a mistake, went crawling back to her and told her I made a mistake. Worst. Idea. Ever. She then came back to me a few days later and told me that she now wanted to be on her own for now. Within one interaction, I'd made the option of being alone more appealing than being with me. Lesson Learnt.
Anyways, it's now been a couple of months, I have made a couple of mistakes within those two months, but more so towards the start when I was really hurting. a few weeks ago when we spoke, I could tell she was happy to hear from me, said she misses me etc. Now when we talk it's kinda like we're friends, but there's still strong feelings there. So last weekend she came up to stay for the weekend to look after our dogs while I was away for the weekend. When I came home, we hung out for a couple hours, it was a little awkward, there was an elephant in the room but neither of us wanted to be the one to address it. I stuck to my guns and did not talk about the relationship.
Now I'm just wondering if it is too late to apply the NC rule, as there's already been a bit of contact and the first meetup after the breakup. Where do I go from here?
Hey Robbie,
If you think you need some time for yourself, then it's never too late to do NC.
Hey Robbie,
If you think you need some time for yourself, then it's never too late to do NC.
So I am in the no contact for about a month now and plan on it for another month. Anyhow. Yesterday was my 40th b-day and I thought I would hear from my ex and did not. Is this a bad sign? I lost a lot of confidence with things after not hearing from her.
It's not necessarily a bad sign. It could also mean that she didn't wish you out of spite. Which means she is still angry. Which is a good sign. On the flip-side, it could also mean that she has decided to do no contact and is trying to move on. No one can say for sure.
It's not necessarily a bad sign. It could also mean that she didn't wish you out of spite. Which means she is still angry. Which is a good sign. On the flip-side, it could also mean that she has decided to do no contact and is trying to move on. No one can say for sure.
Hi Kevin,
I've got a unique situation at the moment, and the 5 step plan doesn't apply fully. My ex of almost 4 years and I broke up a little over a month ago - we had been together since we were 17, and had lived together since we left home for university. He broke up with me, saying he wasn't 'in love' with me anymore (cliche!) but to be honest, I hadn't been feeling it for a while, and it was a very amicable conclusion to a great relationship. I guess the main problem was that we moved too fast, and things got really serious really quickly for our age. There's not been very much arguing, and I've done no begging whatsoever. Thing is, I know that if he'd been willing, we could have given the relationship another stab and made things work - we'd just grown tired of each other having no space, living in one another's pockets, and speaking literally every day for years on end.
I honestly don't even know if I want things to work out - I've not had space to think about it, and I've got a really unsupportive family regarding these things. I'm a little isolated here too, having surrounded myself with mutual friends of ours for years.
So, basically, we've got a tenancy agreement in our house until the end of summer, and neither of us want to move out. We're getting along really well, but it's been hard to get thinking space living in the same house. We've both been trying to go stay at other peoples' houses, but it never lasts long because we have a cat, and somebody needs to be here to feed him. I'm also getting really mixed signals from him - neither of us want to stop physical contact while living together (cuddling when nobody's here, holding hands, occasionally having sex), but I was usually the one who initiated it during our relationship. Recently, he's been initiating the physical contact, and I've pulled back. I think stopping physical contact is out of the question for now, it would probably ruin the amicability and drive us both insane - we're both still extremely attracted to one another too.
He has plans to move out at the end of the summer with some guy friends, but for now it's really difficult to coordinate leaving because we both have our final exams.
So my questions are
a) does it bode well that we're both still attracted to each other? is there a chance of making things work?
b) will things be impossible to revive the relationship if I start the no contact rule during the summer instead of now? I'm going home for a month - more than 5000 miles away from him, and it would be easier to not contact him at all/ only about the cat/house.
Thanks,
Liz
a) Defintely
b) It's better if you make no contact for two months in that case, starting now.
a) Defintely
b) It's better if you make no contact for two months in that case, starting now.
Hi Kevin,
I'm receiving your emails everyday, and they are so supporting for me. Thank you :)
But I just wonder about my situation. The story is that my ex-boyfriend (who I want him back) is my ex-boyfriend's friend.. I was in a relationship for 2 years, and things didn't work. I was upset and sad. I started talking with his friend (he was a mutual friend) and we became so closed together. Then we started our relationship by telling me about his emotions. He was so excited and in love. We planned each detail of our future. But my ex sent to him a lot of messages of anger, and the only condition to they back friends was to break up with me :( . He choose to break up. He said "It was wrong from the beginning, and I preferred my desires over the right, and that's wrong."
I see him in university everyday, and we ignore each other with sad marks on face :( . I don't know if things can repair because we were perfect, alike, no-problems like in other relationships and there's no thing I can do now, is there ?! I really want him back ...
Well, he is putting his friend before you. So unless he starts putting you before him or his friend agrees to your relationship, you don't stand a chance. I think you should do no contact for at least three months. Hopefully, one of the two things will happen in that time.
Well, he is putting his friend before you. So unless he starts putting you before him or his friend agrees to your relationship, you don't stand a chance. I think you should do no contact for at least three months. Hopefully, one of the two things will happen in that time.
Should I remove my ex from Facebook or leave her as a friend? Which is better during the no contact rule? Should I be posting what I'm up to?
If you are not obsessing over her facebook, then you should leave her as a friend.
Thank you very much! I just got contacted and it's only been 3 days... It was just a hey... Let it go? I'm nervous that she will get angry if I don't reply.
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing.
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing.
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing.
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing.
Thank you very much! I just got contacted and it's only been 3 days... It was just a hey... Let it go? I'm nervous that she will get angry if I don't reply.
Thank you very much! I just got contacted and it's only been 3 days... It was just a hey... Let it go? I'm nervous that she will get angry if I don't reply.
If you are not obsessing over her facebook, then you should leave her as a friend.
What if you have done all the no contact, then apologized and contacted your ex by email with everything the letter says to you and your ex boyfriend totally ignores everything???? Do you just give up? and stop contacting him unless he contacts you? My ex ignored me and no interaction for 7 months now.
You should send them a text as mentioned in the plan. If still nothing, you should consider giving up.
You should send them a text as mentioned in the plan. If still nothing, you should consider giving up.
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years this morning, because he blocked me from whatsapp and gtalk. He says the reason he did it is because i talk too much when we have a misunderstanding, but even before we started using whatsapp, i used to send him long texts, and he never blocked me on his phone. I am not sure if i want him back, i don't trust him anymore, i think he has met someone else, and he is using the blocking as a way to get rid of me.
Hi Kevin,
I have been with this guy for almost 3 years. But recently broke up in feb of this year ..
But then a day later he's with another girl.. Who by the way tried to break us up before
.. I tried the 30 day no contact but failed. I contacted him again but he told me to leave him alone and blocked me on Facebook. His girlfriend and him moved into a place together 3 months into the relationship.. Do you think there's a chance they will break up. And he will come back to me? And is this a rebound relationship?
We were together for 2.5 years. He leaves for basic in 3 weeks. We've been broken up for a month. I started no contact but I had to contact him about our pet but when I did he was acting so childish and unlike him. I went back to no contact. I'm just giving it time. He plays these games but I just let it happen and I work on myself. I know time will tell it's just idk what to do since he's leaving for basic
Has anyone tried the letter route rather than texts first???
I'm thinking of sending the letter first and then giving it time before sending off the text messages. It's been almost 7 weeks since our breakup and I've only texted him once since with a decently positive response from him but haven't heard a peep since.
Sounds like a good plan Brenda.
Sounds like a good plan Brenda.
Hey Kevin,
So I was with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half until he broke up with me last week. We are both 21. The past couple months things have been up and down for us. There has been some bickering about stupid irrelevant things such as things that he would do that really annoyed me which would turn into a big issue when it wasn't that big of a deal to begin with. Ben and I shared a lot of firsts together. I am from out of state and going to school in TN where he lives. I stayed with him every weekend that I was there. He came to me last week saying he needed a break because he was tired of fighting and he just needed to do it for himself. We kind of talked things out and he agreed to see how things would go and give it a chance the last few days I was there before I left for the summer. I met up with him and said goodbye on my way home for the summer and he said he just thinks that we need to stay apart. He didn't show any emotion as I was so upset sobbing my eyes out. He said he guesses his feelings have changed and doesn't feel the same way about me anymore and that he did give it a chance. I believe that he didn't because if he would of he would of made it a priority to see me the last few days I was there. He told me he didn't want to talk often while I was gone for the summer and we definitely wouldn't be visiting each other. I don't know if I will ever get to see him again.
This is the most serious and the longest that either one of us has been in a relationship. I would do anything to have him back. I am struggling with trying not to contact him. We have talked a little bit a couple of times but nothing in relation to our relationship. I am so worried that he will forget about me and move on to another girl. I just want him back! Do you think that he will just forget about me and move on? I am so worried that he doesn't even miss me.
Hey Christina,
I don't think it will be easy for him to move on. You should follow the plan. All the best.
Hey Christina,
I don't think it will be easy for him to move on. You should follow the plan. All the best.
Kevin
Today he changed his whatsapp picture to him kissing another woman!! This picture was taken while we were still together so he cheated on me. The worst part is I know the woman. They used to work together and she is much older than him. She knew exactly who I was. Like I said before, we were having a long distance relationship. I met her when I last went to see him and I thought they were just friends, I have no idea how long this has been going on for. She knew about me and even spoke to me a couple of times then had the nerve to get off with my boyfriend. My ex never broke up with me, just started ignoring me like I had done something to make him angry, I don't think I had done anything wrong. When he replied to my text last week I thought we were moving forward again and could eventually get things back on track. Then today he posted that knowing that I would see it. It's like he's trying to deliberately hurt me. Why would he do that? Now I don't know what to do. I feel so hurt and angry right now but I still love him. I know I'm stupid to want him back after this but the feelings just won't go away. Will I ever have a chance now? (Btw the woman is living in another country to him now as far as I know, so their 'relationship' would also be long distance.)
You should apply no contact for at least three months. Yes, you do have a chance but you should apply no contact and make sure you read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 before ending no contact.
Hello Sarah, I'm Angie and i've been in lots of long distant relationships and trust me they have been hard..Sorry but he's not worth it. Especially if he's so far away. If you two would to go back, DON NOT DO IT!! because he would likely do it again. Trust me. I am a lesbian. And i'm in a relationship with this girl who I'm so in love with. She means the world to me but we're having really though times right now. Yesterday i broke up with her because she was acting different and wouldn't show no affection towards me and i figured that she no longer cared for me. So i told her i was leaving her. Then she starting acting like she was the victim and it was horrible. I cried for hours and i didn't know what to do.. Then realized that even though we're hurt, we need to smile. No matter what the situation is, smile about it. Time will heal everything i promise. We still love them right? but should we stop ourselves from going on with life? NO. Just be happpy that at least it happened. Now it's time to find yourself. Time to love yourself and that you don't need no guy to be happy at the moment. And there's many more guys out there. Try to meet guys near you. Don't think about. Karma will find him sooner or later. You did your part and it wasn't enough so too bad for him. Sooner or later he will realize what he lost. Try not going online. AT ALL. Watch tv, exercise, go out with your friends, work, and later time will make you realize that you can move on. I hope i helped you out! much love!
You should apply no contact for at least three months. Yes, you do have a chance but you should apply no contact and make sure you read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 before ending no contact.
Hello Sarah, I'm Angie and i've been in lots of long distant relationships and trust me they have been hard..Sorry but he's not worth it. Especially if he's so far away. If you two would to go back, DON NOT DO IT!! because he would likely do it again. Trust me. I am a lesbian. And i'm in a relationship with this girl who I'm so in love with. She means the world to me but we're having really though times right now. Yesterday i broke up with her because she was acting different and wouldn't show no affection towards me and i figured that she no longer cared for me. So i told her i was leaving her. Then she starting acting like she was the victim and it was horrible. I cried for hours and i didn't know what to do.. Then realized that even though we're hurt, we need to smile. No matter what the situation is, smile about it. Time will heal everything i promise. We still love them right? but should we stop ourselves from going on with life? NO. Just be happpy that at least it happened. Now it's time to find yourself. Time to love yourself and that you don't need no guy to be happy at the moment. And there's many more guys out there. Try to meet guys near you. Don't think about. Karma will find him sooner or later. You did your part and it wasn't enough so too bad for him. Sooner or later he will realize what he lost. Try not going online. AT ALL. Watch tv, exercise, go out with your friends, work, and later time will make you realize that you can move on. I hope i helped you out! much love!
Hi kevin, I would really appreciate your opinion/advice. I was with my partner for a year and a half. We broke up twice. Both times it was her decision and both times it came as a complete shock. The first time she said she feels she is not Relationship material. There is a age difference. I am 29 and she 23. After the first time she came back after 2 Weeks saying she really doesn't want to lose me, that she has given it thought and wants to try to make it last long term because she really does love me.
We worked it out and I thought became stronger and happier together. We were close to each others families and even her family said she seemed happy and they saw no indication of the second one coming. I dont know what happened. One minute we were talking about living together and the next she wanted out. We had just spent the entire weekend together as we did every weekend for a year but she chose to end it via text and ignore my calls that day. She told me she loved me every day so I did not expect this.
Over the text messages she said she tried hard because she does love me but she is not meant for a relationship. I broke the nc rule a couple of times during the initial 2 weeks and responded quite emotionally and regret that I told her how hurt I was over and over when she did not even value our relationship enough to end it in person or to talk to me about any problems she was encountering before hand. When I broke the nc rule she said things im not sure were true or intended to push me away but she said things that suggested she never loved me, even tho she said she did undyingly constantly. I still very much love her and do feel it is am age thing.
I dont want to let go if there is still love there but I have no way of knowing now, especially since I did not get a face to face. Now I have been in no contact for almost 30 days and I feel I need more time. I dont think I should be the one to contact her again this time. But do you think theres a chance it will bring her back eventually?
I think you do have a chance, but no contact alone will not bring her back. You will eventually have to reach out to her.
I think you do have a chance, but no contact alone will not bring her back. You will eventually have to reach out to her.
Good Morning,
I have a friend that I dated for 6 months and during that time we went through several emotional issues (expressing that he loved me and how important it was for me to stay in his life). At the end of Jan. and at the age of 35 he moved in with his parents 4/5 hours away to get his life together and pay off debt. His plan prior to leaving was to get debt paid off and a cushion so that he could return and attend college. Shortly after he moved I had found him on a dating site that he swore he would never get back on and had it up prior to moving.
We resolved that issue and remained friends, continued to talk every day through text etc. up until about 2 months ago. He then sent a text 3 weeks ago stating "Haven't forgotten about, just been super busy. Hope you're well" My response in return was: "Never crossed my mind that you had. I am doing well. Hope the same for you!!" At this time I thought things were just fine. He being busy with work and life in general. 10 days later I sent a text being flirty/sexual and his response in return was "who is this?" I kind of lost it and sent 3 too many text and he never responded. A week later he deleted me on FB and I just went into breakdown mode and haven't been able to function.
Mind you prior to the text/FB delete I was great and happy go lucky. I know to a fault that I read entirely too much into things and am one in trying to fix everything. I did send him a follow up text asking for some sort of closure and still not response. I now have left him be and that has been a week. I am just confused as to what I said for him to delete my number and possibly erase me from his life? Is he trying to play games with me? Could he be seeing someone? I don't understand, I am confused and now feel this need to be in constant contact with him whereas before I didn't. It really is driving me crazy, literally. So possibly some insight would be helpful....
Hey,
I don't think you did anything that made him act the way he did. It's probably something that he would have done no matter what you did. I think you should apply no contact for at least 2-3 months before getting back in touch with him.
Hey,
I don't think you did anything that made him act the way he did. It's probably something that he would have done no matter what you did. I think you should apply no contact for at least 2-3 months before getting back in touch with him.
Hello did my previous comment not post?
It's here.
It's here.
Hi Kevin,
My ex just broke up with me pretty recently. We're both in college, but summer break will be here pretty soon. We were together for a little over six months, so normally that would make a 30 day NC. But should I wait until late August to contact him, or should I do so over the summer? Is waiting until August too long? We live in different cities, and I know it would be too much to drive to see him, but should I try to start texting him a little bit after the initial 30 days, or wait for the entire summer?
Both of our birthdays are also over the summer, and would fall after the 30 day NC. I was thinking about sending him a small present that I know would both remind him of me and not make him feel like I was pressuring him. His birthday is also a few weeks after mine, and I doubt he'll send me anything. Should I not send him a present and just send a casual text? Would sending a present be too needy? Would sending a present make him feel guilty that he didn't send me one? I don't want to associate myself with negative feelings in his mind.
Thank you so much for making your website. It gives me hope.
Don't send a present. Just a casual text.
Don't send a present. Just a casual text.
Hey
It's been a month since my fiance broke up with me... a month of NC, of changes, and finding myself a bit more. I find myself both terrified and anxious to break the NC with the letter you mentioned. Is it time? Should I wait longer? I still have somethings I want to change in my life. Should I change them first, before I contact him again? We were engaged nearly 4 years. He was my best friend for all of them, and we went through some extremely hard things together and always seemed to come out okay, whether it was a death in the family, him going away to Basic Training etc for 5 months, or me having a nervous break down. He was always there for me, and I tried to be there for him. We just got too co-dependent and weren't moving forward. Our relationship became a chore because we'd become boring people with no future plans, just some talk once in a while. Should I focus on changing myself more before I get back in touch? There's still so much I want to do, but I don't want to wait too long to re-open communication.
Hey Kristi,
If you don't feel ready, then extend no contact for a while. Another two weeks perhaps. Since you were together for such a long time, I doubt another two weeks or maybe even a month will make much of a difference.
Thanks... I think I'll do that. ^_^
I really appreciate the advice... it's hard to get good advice from friends, since they aren't very neutral!
All the best,
~Kristi
Thanks... I think I'll do that. ^_^
I really appreciate the advice... it's hard to get good advice from friends, since they aren't very neutral!
All the best,
~Kristi
Thanks... I think I'll do that. ^_^
I really appreciate the advice... it's hard to get good advice from friends, since they aren't very neutral!
All the best,
~Kristi
Hey Kristi,
If you don't feel ready, then extend no contact for a while. Another two weeks perhaps. Since you were together for such a long time, I doubt another two weeks or maybe even a month will make much of a difference.
Hi Kevin,
So at first i was with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. I broke up with her, but then immediately started to miss her. So i begged, pleaded and told her how much i love her and needed her in my life. Well about two days after the breakup, she immediately starts to talk to another guy, who was a friend of mine actually (i thought). She said that she likes him and she can be herself with him too besides me. I got very jealous and did probably all of the things i wasn't supposed to do. Another reason why she is concerned with getting back together with me is because in 3 months i will be leaving for college, which is really far away. She says she still cares and stuff, but she is talking to this guy. I don't know what to do since i feel like my situation is a bit different. i already know what i need to fix, but i feel she doesn't believe that i can treat her right. Can you help me out?
Hi Kevin!
A week ago I commented to my boyfriend something he disliked (when he was drunk). He threw me out of his house! A few days past, he texted that he wanted to speak to me. When we met, he told me that he has been meaning to break up with me but was a coward about it. He loved me like a friend. He said we had few things in common and that he realized it wasnt going to work out. He's very attached to my daughter. He requested not to see her again because it may complicate things in the future. I was crushed! Of course, I texted numerous times for two days then stopped. On our 8th day of separation, he came in my apt unannounced while I was at work. He left a note that read he needed his laptop and apologized for not notifying it ahead of time. I know he saw i removed his personal things to another closet bc the door was open, but he didnt take it and didnt leave my key under the mat. I was slightly upset. Not only did he brake up with me but also wants access to my home. So... I broke the no contact rule and told him to pick up his things the next day or else he'll find it outdoors. He agreed. When he arrived he kissed my daughter while she was asleep and took his things. He hugged me before he left, I showed little affection (which is rare of me). I love him dearly and know he loves me. But I've been the doormat way too long. Im confused. We've known each other for eight years. He always told me I was the love of his life. A few weeks ago he invited me to move with him to another state. He's always talking about the future. We have even tried to have a baby. Things were ok. I noticed a few weeks ago he stopped acting great when i needed to move in his apt for a month bc of probs that occurred in my apt. Then this happened! Are there any hopes?
There is probably hope. I think what you did was the right thing to do. You should follow the 5 step plan.
There is probably hope. I think what you did was the right thing to do. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin, my bf of 6 months broke it off with me out of the blue (he says he felt it coming but i was shocked personally) a week ago saying he needs to be single and selfish, although we were very much in love the also told me he isnt sure he was ever in love with me (something i find hard to believe...i felt it from him, I believe he DID love me). He says that he isn't ready for a relationship yet (he was in a previous 8 year relationship, they got married and then they decided that the spark was gone and they were really just friends and separated after 8 months of marriage, she has moved on with someone new and he is over her too and they are going through am amicable divorce) however he says that he thought he was ready but actually isn't and really he wants to do his own thing.
the first couple of days I was angry and upset and sent some angry texts, I then asked him to meet up to explain this to me which he agreed to. I met up with him today as he dumped me over the phone and i wanted a face to face conversion, when it came to it i didn't really feel the need to talk anymore but wanted to leave it in a good place and retain my dignity so I made myself look amazing, I was positive and happy the whole time and I told him that although i was sad it had ended, i accept his decision and I'm done fighting for him and I'm done trying to get him (i stole that from Barney Stinson on how i met your mother when he wanted to win Robyn back lol). We left after an hour and a half of friendly chat and I am now going to start the no contact rule.
My question is, do you think that he is likely to come back to me if i give him what he wants (the space etc and his single life), i have read a lot of articles that say men will always come back when a women shows that she is ok and accepts it and stops feeding his ego by texting and giving him attention BUT if that's what he really wants then surely he wont come back no matter how long I don't contact him for, if he wants to be single and be selfish and is convinced that this is definitely the right move then why would he come back? I can't imagine that no contact is going to help much, any thoughts?
Really Grateful! Thanks :)
Hey Amy,
Kudos on stealing that line from Barney. It worked for him. haha.
OK, back to real life. Like I say in the 5 step plan, there's always a chance that you will never get him back. The only thing you can do is increase your chances. And doing no contact is going to do just that. Increase your chances. The alternative is to satisfy his ego by contacting him all the time and showing neediness. And that is just going to make him less attracted to you.
Thanks for the advice Kevin, I really appreciate it. I'm going to carry on with the No contact and just take it a day at a time :)
Thanks for the advice Kevin, I really appreciate it. I'm going to carry on with the No contact and just take it a day at a time :)
Thanks for the advice Kevin, I really appreciate it. I'm going to carry on with the No contact and just take it a day at a time :)
Hey Amy,
Kudos on stealing that line from Barney. It worked for him. haha.
OK, back to real life. Like I say in the 5 step plan, there's always a chance that you will never get him back. The only thing you can do is increase your chances. And doing no contact is going to do just that. Increase your chances. The alternative is to satisfy his ego by contacting him all the time and showing neediness. And that is just going to make him less attracted to you.
I truly understand the no contact rule after a break up, and that is what i did. It lasted for more than 7 months. Neither me nor him contacted each other for that period of time, but 3 months ago, he began to text me. Actually he began to text me because of my whatsapp's status. We are not keeping the conversation for days as we used to when we were together, he just says something about my status every time i change it, i reply to his comment, and that's it. I don't know what he is trying to do since we have never talked about our feelings after the breakup. I thought that he has already overcome it, but I am not so sure about it right now.
The truth is, I still have some feelings for him. I don't hate him, but I know that I need more time to forget my feelings about him, and that's why I didn't contact him for that long period, and I was willing to still doing it until I forget him.
Things are changing now, even if I try not to contact him, he is the one that does it.
I was the one that asked for the break up at the beginning.
And i was looking for some help here and there in the internet. I like your post, but still confused.
What should I do ?
You should get back in touch. Read the fourth step in the 5 step plan.
why do you think so?
You've already have had enough no contact. And if you want to give it another chance, one of you will have to reach out and make a move. Instead of waiting and wondering what he wants from you, isn't it better to decide what you want and then take action to get it. If you want to get over him, cut contact with him and move on. If you want to get back with him, get back in touch with him and give it a try. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know that it will never work and you can stop wondering and move on.
You are right. I think I would take the risk. Thanks for your advise.
You should keep on writing more posts.
They are very useful!
You are right. I think I would take the risk. Thanks for your advise.
You should keep on writing more posts.
They are very useful!
You are right. I think I would take the risk. Thanks for your advise.
You should keep on writing more posts.
They are very useful!
You are right. I think I would take the risk. Thanks for your advise.
You should keep on writing more posts.
They are very useful!
You are right. I think I would take the risk. Thanks for your advise.
You should keep on writing more posts.
They are very useful!
You've already have had enough no contact. And if you want to give it another chance, one of you will have to reach out and make a move. Instead of waiting and wondering what he wants from you, isn't it better to decide what you want and then take action to get it. If you want to get over him, cut contact with him and move on. If you want to get back with him, get back in touch with him and give it a try. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know that it will never work and you can stop wondering and move on.
You've already have had enough no contact. And if you want to give it another chance, one of you will have to reach out and make a move. Instead of waiting and wondering what he wants from you, isn't it better to decide what you want and then take action to get it. If you want to get over him, cut contact with him and move on. If you want to get back with him, get back in touch with him and give it a try. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know that it will never work and you can stop wondering and move on.
You've already have had enough no contact. And if you want to give it another chance, one of you will have to reach out and make a move. Instead of waiting and wondering what he wants from you, isn't it better to decide what you want and then take action to get it. If you want to get over him, cut contact with him and move on. If you want to get back with him, get back in touch with him and give it a try. If it doesn't work, at least you'll know that it will never work and you can stop wondering and move on.
why do you think so?
why do you think so?
You should get back in touch. Read the fourth step in the 5 step plan.
Hi My ex girlfriend broke up with me three months ago.I tried to bag her to stay then she denied and told me we will never get back together because long distance is killing her and she found someone else close to her. And that pain of loosing her destroyed me so much I almost tried to quit school because of her because anyway,I was,nt coping very well.everyday when I sleep and woke up she was the first thing to think about an then I tried to show her how much she mean to me but she could listen or give me sometimes.so I decided to let her go cause I have done it before.after she started to bug me sending messges abt her boyfrnd,family an some staff and calling me sometimes just to anger me.I tried to be polite to her cause I was his 1st lover and 2yrs older than her...but she took all of that for granted.
but if i don't answer their call how will i know if it's an emergency or not? can't i just pick up and see whats up? if its not an emergency ill ask them to stop calling me. That wont break the no contact rule , right?
If you've broken up, you are not responsible for helping her during an emergency. She can call friends, relatives, and even 911. You are not responsible for her well being and happiness anymore. You are only responsible for your well being and happiness.
I guess but before we cut ties , during the bitter phase we weren't speaking but she messaged me because her grandfather had a heart attack and i was the only person that could comfort her after 4years of dating and her helping me go through the loss of my own family member? isn't it only fair i be there for her if she really needs me? so that she doesnt resent me for it later on if we ever have a shot again after the no contact rule? I don't wanna push her away and let her cry on another man's shoulder cuz she thinks im never coming back for her.
OK, if it's an emergency and a real emergency like the one you mentioned, then you'll find out, either through common friends, relatives, or she'll text you or email you. For every other emergency, she can call the cops.
Still, in my opinion, you don't need to give her emotional support. She broke up with you, you don't owe her any support. Was she so considerate of your feelings when she broke up with you? But you still want her back, don't you? You aren't holding any resentment towards her, are you? The fact is, if you put you are putting your own happiness over your exes, she will not resent you for it. She will respect you for it and it might even make her more attracted to you.
OK, if it's an emergency and a real emergency like the one you mentioned, then you'll find out, either through common friends, relatives, or she'll text you or email you. For every other emergency, she can call the cops.
Still, in my opinion, you don't need to give her emotional support. She broke up with you, you don't owe her any support. Was she so considerate of your feelings when she broke up with you? But you still want her back, don't you? You aren't holding any resentment towards her, are you? The fact is, if you put you are putting your own happiness over your exes, she will not resent you for it. She will respect you for it and it might even make her more attracted to you.
OK, if it's an emergency and a real emergency like the one you mentioned, then you'll find out, either through common friends, relatives, or she'll text you or email you. For every other emergency, she can call the cops.
Still, in my opinion, you don't need to give her emotional support. She broke up with you, you don't owe her any support. Was she so considerate of your feelings when she broke up with you? But you still want her back, don't you? You aren't holding any resentment towards her, are you? The fact is, if you put you are putting your own happiness over your exes, she will not resent you for it. She will respect you for it and it might even make her more attracted to you.
OK, if it's an emergency and a real emergency like the one you mentioned, then you'll find out, either through common friends, relatives, or she'll text you or email you. For every other emergency, she can call the cops.
Still, in my opinion, you don't need to give her emotional support. She broke up with you, you don't owe her any support. Was she so considerate of your feelings when she broke up with you? But you still want her back, don't you? You aren't holding any resentment towards her, are you? The fact is, if you put you are putting your own happiness over your exes, she will not resent you for it. She will respect you for it and it might even make her more attracted to you.
I guess but before we cut ties , during the bitter phase we weren't speaking but she messaged me because her grandfather had a heart attack and i was the only person that could comfort her after 4years of dating and her helping me go through the loss of my own family member? isn't it only fair i be there for her if she really needs me? so that she doesnt resent me for it later on if we ever have a shot again after the no contact rule? I don't wanna push her away and let her cry on another man's shoulder cuz she thinks im never coming back for her.
I guess but before we cut ties , during the bitter phase we weren't speaking but she messaged me because her grandfather had a heart attack and i was the only person that could comfort her after 4years of dating and her helping me go through the loss of my own family member? isn't it only fair i be there for her if she really needs me? so that she doesnt resent me for it later on if we ever have a shot again after the no contact rule? I don't wanna push her away and let her cry on another man's shoulder cuz she thinks im never coming back for her.
If you've broken up, you are not responsible for helping her during an emergency. She can call friends, relatives, and even 911. You are not responsible for her well being and happiness anymore. You are only responsible for your well being and happiness.
Hey Kevin,
My ex and I have been together for 5 1/2 but have been talking about getting together for a year before actually doing it, so when we got together we already had huge emotions involved. Two months later we fell in love with each other and were inseparable and couldn't be happier, good communication, good trust, and we were all about honesty ! Then one months later again, things started to go down hill when my ex contacted me and asked me to lunch and I had said yes to it without really thinking at first , because my boyfriend and I were so into honesty I had no choice but to tell him about it and he was furious at me and didn't talk to me the rest of the day , we talked it out and he said that just because do I g that made him trust me less because 1 I said yes to it and 2 because I was talking to my ex when we told each other we wouldn't.
So after that you can tell my relationship was never really the same , I mean don't get me wrong to was still amazing and wonderful but something didn't feel right about it, he was standoffish , we got into fights about everything and he said he just wasn't happy as he used to be even though I did everything I could to keep him happy and keep our relationship strong , I don't think it was working , if I can to rate it on 1-10 of where we used to be and where we were at the end it would be 10 to start off at and a 5 at the end , literally the happiest we were after that was a 8 but a very low 8, it got so bad that when I went away for a week he didn't talk to me for 4 days I thought I was single , it was absolutely no contact even once and when we did connect back together it was like we never left each other's side and we were happy and laughing like normally .
Cut to the following day I had gotten sick and was hospitalized in and out for two days you would see how emotionally stressed I would have been , so on our last day together I had to call him to ask why he didn't contacted me to see if I was okay and we got into a huge argument and broke up and the next day I found out a lot of secrets he has been hiding (liking someone else, talking to other girls behind my back ,etc.) So I felt so betrayed and useless and foolish to have even been with him, but come to find out that the whole thing was a lie the secrets people were telling me were misunderstandings , I only found out because I had a long conversation with him about it and he told me everything about where our relationship fell off and I finally analyzed the relationship and figured out I'm a huge reason why my relationship didn't work our my actions and the way I would nag and complain and control everything pushed him away from me and now I feel like what we had was real and want a second chance to make it better and start freshly and new.
I know I can do better and find happiness somewhere else but I'm truly in love with him and I would do any and everything in this world just to get him back to me.I've told him that I wanted another chance and that I can change for him I just need time and he told me he wanted to be single and then I found out today that he is going on a date this weekend, he says he will always love me but I don't understand how he can do that if he does... I just need help to understand is it really over ? Should I let it go? Should I keep hope alive ? Will theses steps help ? HELP ME PLEASE ! I'm in desperate need I haven't slept good for a week (as long as we broke up)lost too much weight because I can't eat straight and I can't even be genuinely happy without thinking about him every 5 secs . I can't take it no more , I'm hurting really badly , I would appreciate some help or advice .
Hey Angel,
You do have hope and I think it's definitely worth giving a shot. But you'll have to apply no contact and follow the steps in the article.
If during the no contact rule he goes to another girl, is it still worth a shot or is it a sign that it's over ?
Yes, there's still a shot. That relationship is probably a rebound.
Yes, there's still a shot. That relationship is probably a rebound.
Yes, there's still a shot. That relationship is probably a rebound.
Yes, there's still a shot. That relationship is probably a rebound.
If during the no contact rule he goes to another girl, is it still worth a shot or is it a sign that it's over ?
If during the no contact rule he goes to another girl, is it still worth a shot or is it a sign that it's over ?
Hey Angel,
You do have hope and I think it's definitely worth giving a shot. But you'll have to apply no contact and follow the steps in the article.
Kevin,
Thank you so much for your help. My girlfriend and I broke up last Saturday. She says she wants to focus on herself and not be in a relationship at the moment. There aren't any other guys and she says she loves me and Im a great guy she just isn't in love with me right now and like I said earlier wants to focus on her. We are both not in our careers yet and I agreed with her. We also agreed that when the other is ready for a relationship we will let the other know and re-visit our relationship. She did also mention that the butterflies are gone for her but I believe that is because she is not happy with herself and when we do want a relationship that will all come back? Is that something I should worry about?
I have started NC and she texted me yesterday. You replied not to say anything. Its obvious she is missing me which is a good thing I just don't want her to forget me. What should I do after the NC and how do I keep in contact without pushing her away while we are waiting to re-visit the relationship? I told her there is no doubt we can be great together when the time is right and not to forget that and what we talked about and she said she wouldn't. I truly feel like she meant that but its just so scary the bought of losing her over the course of this.
Everything you asked is already answered in the article.
Ok, thanks. Do you think I have to worry about her saying she loves me and I'm a great guy but she isn't in love with me and that the butterflies are gone? My feeling is the butterflies will come back after I better myself and as she does, especially after the letter and the "date" that isn't a date.
Yeah, don't worry about that.
Yeah, don't worry about that.
Yeah, don't worry about that.
Yeah, don't worry about that.
Ok, thanks. Do you think I have to worry about her saying she loves me and I'm a great guy but she isn't in love with me and that the butterflies are gone? My feeling is the butterflies will come back after I better myself and as she does, especially after the letter and the "date" that isn't a date.
Ok, thanks. Do you think I have to worry about her saying she loves me and I'm a great guy but she isn't in love with me and that the butterflies are gone? My feeling is the butterflies will come back after I better myself and as she does, especially after the letter and the "date" that isn't a date.
Thought* of losing her
Everything you asked is already answered in the article.
Thought* of losing her
Hello Kevin,
I'm so glad I found you. I just recently been dump by my boyfriend of close to a year now. I'm 25 and he is 50. We have been dealing with each the first couple months just fine then we got in a sticky situation that cause us to breakup. We did not talk for at least five months. This pass January he contacted me and we hit it off again so magical this time around. Beings tho we broke up I moved away so with this at hand it became a long distance relationship that we agreed to. I would go and visit him every chance I could. This one particular visit I went thru his phone because the night before we had a little disagreement. I saw some sexual videos and pictures of another woman. I asked him about it and he told me it was just something to do. When I tried to inquire more he plead the fifth. He told me he love me and had feelings for me but he could not trust me. I was so hurt from what I saw and how he wasn't trying to be with me even when I was willing to work it out. He said he didn't trust me but left his son with me the same day. I thought that was weird and he was just srating that because he was mad. At this point its time for me to go back home. Arrives back and text him like crazy trying to work it out letting him know how I felt and how I should be really mad at him. Of course no response so I stopped couple days later he started texting me "Gm" good morning text yes I do respond back and that's the only communication we have right now. I don't know what to do I want him back. I love hIm. Kevin do you believe we have a chance to get back together?
You do have a chance if you follow the 5 step plan.
You do have a chance if you follow the 5 step plan.
Thanks Kevin for the response. I am really struggling with not contacting him. Its like an every other day type of thing I want to get in touch with him. How do I overcome this besides just starting the NC? I don't want him to forget about me and be okay without me like he seems to be according to what he said before. My biggest fear is seeing him move on to someone else. When I left he said he was happy with himself so if he felt that way and didn't want to be with me why would he be with another girl. Do you think that is true? Thanks in advance!
Hey Christina,
Take it one day at a time. After a week or so, it'll get much easier to not contact him.
Hey Christina,
Take it one day at a time. After a week or so, it'll get much easier to not contact him.
Wat if you see your ex at wrk cause you guys work together?
You treat them just like any other colleague. Maintain a strictly work relationship and don't have any personal conversation.
You treat them just like any other colleague. Maintain a strictly work relationship and don't have any personal conversation.
Thank you so much for the tips & tricks!
I was in a beautiful relationship with such an amazing guy and it was so obvious that we both were in love. I was an extremely nice, respectful and caring person to him! Until I found out that he's married. Well, I didn’t find out I had the feeling and the feeling was right! I was with him for 2 years and I believe that happened like couple of months ago. I confronted him several times and every time he would swear that he got married to a girl as it was arranged marriage by his family and now their papers are in the court as they are seeking divorced. One day the shit happened: His wife found out txt messages between us, he called me to say if the wife or ex-wife to be (until the very last min he didn’t say the truth and that what pissed me off) contacted me to ask if I know him or not my reply should be no I don’t know him!!!
She contacted me and I said yes I do know him very well. She said ok, don’t contact him again, my reply was instead of asking this to me you should ask him. Every start of txt messages or calls were made by him as for some reason I had the feeling that something is suspicious about the guy as I know him for 2 years.
After that incident for 1 month and a half I heard nothing from him and I didn’t even think once about calling or texting, all I thought of is a person like that deserve only shit! I suffered for like 2 weeks. I suffered from being stupid, for the disrespect I got from him, for the reward i got where I was just extremely good partner for 2 years.
After the 2 weeks I started picking up myself by looking good, going out, having fun and only think about the negative things about him. He has some very good values but I didn’t think of them, all i thought of without respect no love. I received a call from a strange number yesterday and it was from him. hi, how are you, how is work etc. my reply was so direct, clear and with a strong sone: why are you calling? The reply was to say HI. I told him I don’t want you to say hi or even call in the first place AT ALL. he hanged up straight away and that it. I want to move on and I think it would be easy as how on earth can I love or have feeling for a cheap person like that.
My only struggle now is that am doing good as I tried to avoid seeing him accidently anywhere though we live in the same area. But i wish to purse my MBA and the company I work for sponsor only one MBA and this MBA is run at his building where he lives. The course is 2 years long and the days will be 2 to 4 days a week from 3pm to 6 or 7pm. I know I have no feeling for him and by September I should have more confidence about this situation and how he disrespected me but do I want to be somewhere where it will remind me of this very bad experience for the coming 2 years??? And what if I run into him accidently? Sometimes I feel avoid it and be strong and sometimes i feel don’t do your MBA and be happy far away? Please advice
Lamar
Hey Lamar,
Sorry it happened to you. I think you'll be strong enough by September to see him and still be able to continue with your life without affecting you. I think you handled everything very well and you did the right thing by telling his wife. I don't think you should sacrifice your career just because you are afraid to see him in the same building. If he tries to talk to you, you can just tell him with a firm tone that you don't want him around you and if he disturbs you, you will have to call the cops.
Hey Lamar,
Sorry it happened to you. I think you'll be strong enough by September to see him and still be able to continue with your life without affecting you. I think you handled everything very well and you did the right thing by telling his wife. I don't think you should sacrifice your career just because you are afraid to see him in the same building. If he tries to talk to you, you can just tell him with a firm tone that you don't want him around you and if he disturbs you, you will have to call the cops.
Hey Kevin,
I have been with my ex since I was 17 and she was 16. Her and I moved from Michigan to go to Colorado to be with her family. I soon started working in the oilfield and started making good money. 1 1/2 yrs later she gave birth to my little girl and we started our family like we planned. 4yrs later we got into a argument over text messages in my phone(nothing sexual or flirty remind you) with another female I never remembered talking to, to make a long story short a buddy of mine used my phone one night at work to talk to his wife and didn't delete the text lol. So for the next couple of days she acted fine and we had sex the morning I was leaving to N.Dakota for 2 weeks for work and she even cried when I left. But a week later she broke up with me while I was still in N.Dakota. I really do love her with all my heart and want to be with her but she's talking to this other guy. While she's say's she doesn't know what she is going as far as date him or not she still wants to have sex with me and go out with me all the time. It seems that she wants the benefit's of both of us but none of the responsibility. I'm very confused on what I should do because we do have a daughter together and we've been eachother's backbone for so long. Tonight she told me she had no fight left in her for this relationship but then says her feelings change day to day. What should I do????
p.s She started seeing this other guy not even a week after she broke up with me. If she really loved me how she said she did wouldn't it have been some type of grieving period???
It's a phase she is going through. She never got to experience being an adult and single. I think that's the reason she is going through this confusion. I think you should give her some space and time to determine what she wants.
So this relationship she's in with this new guy could possibly be a rebound? I mean it hasn't even been a month yet.
Yes, it's probably a rebound.
Yes, it's probably a rebound.
Yes, it's probably a rebound.
Yes, it's probably a rebound.
So this relationship she's in with this new guy could possibly be a rebound? I mean it hasn't even been a month yet.
So this relationship she's in with this new guy could possibly be a rebound? I mean it hasn't even been a month yet.
I forgot to add my ex's and my age im 22 and she's 21
What if your ex had a baby with the rebound guy on acciddent. Would you still take her back if you are both still in love with each other?
It's a personal choice Diego. If you are unsure, you should apply no contact for a while before deciding.
It's a personal choice Diego. If you are unsure, you should apply no contact for a while before deciding.
It's a personal choice Diego. If you are unsure, you should apply no contact for a while before deciding.
It's a personal choice Diego. If you are unsure, you should apply no contact for a while before deciding.
What if your ex had a baby with the rebound guy on acciddent. Would you still take her back if you are both still in love with each other?
What if your ex had a baby with the rebound guy on acciddent. Would you still take her back if you are both still in love with each other?
It's a phase she is going through. She never got to experience being an adult and single. I think that's the reason she is going through this confusion. I think you should give her some space and time to determine what she wants.
I forgot to add my ex's and my age im 22 and she's 21
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I were together for 1 year and a half. We were in a long-distance relationship and we are both 25 years old. We broke up 4 months ago and he has been seeing another girl before we even had broken up and is in a relationship with her now.
When we broke up it was more for practical reasons, we both still had feelings for each other and care about each other a lot. I tried to get some distance and avoid contact for some time (2 weeks) after the break up but we continued texting. He still writes to me from time to time but he changes a lot –sometimes he seems nicer and other times colder. Sometimes he stops answering all of a sudden in the middle of our conversation.
I tried to talk to him after two months of our break up to tell him we could work the practicalities out but he doesn’t seem to agree. He deleted me from facebook and when I confronted him, he ignored it. We were very honest with each other but it seems like I can’t talk to him about anything that concerns our relationship, he completely closed down.
When I stop writing to him, he writes to me and expects me to answer him and have a normal conversation with him. I’ve been trying to not answer but we are on ‘ok-terms ‘ so I started answering him but then he stops answering all of a sudden… what does that mean? And why is he still talking to me while he has a new girl?
I love him and wish he could give us a second chance because I know we could work things out, but he seems pretty serious with his new girl. I’m not sure what to do and hope you can give me some advice.
Thank you.
Hello Keven i had to use a friends email but i wanted some outlook on my situation. i have been with this guy for 3 years and we recently broke up. As i was emotional over loosing my job he just came out of nowhere and stated he wasn't attracted to me any more. He said he loved me but wasn't in love with me and had been feeling that way for a month. He expresses to me that we cant be in a relationship but i very much love him and really wanna be with him. I feel so confused. My cell phone is in his name and he still pays the bill. He even gave me the money to pay rent. Anything i need he brings it to me. Even if i tell him im hungry he comes and picks me up and buys me food. I dont know what to think. We had a disagreement and i said some bad things but nothing to the point of deserving this and i feel he is harboring it inside. The NC rule is very hard for me considering the cell phone being in his name and the fact that he is helping me with bills and food. I really want him back and i did beg him also not to end our relationship. What do i do im lost?
You need to learn to be independent without him. Tell him that you need him till you get back on your feet but you'll appreciate it if he gives you some space and time. And then try to get a job asap. Once you get a job, stop being dependent on him and cut him off for 30 days.
You need to learn to be independent without him. Tell him that you need him till you get back on your feet but you'll appreciate it if he gives you some space and time. And then try to get a job asap. Once you get a job, stop being dependent on him and cut him off for 30 days.
Hi:)
My ex girlfriend of just under 2 years broke up with me in march because she said she couldnt be in a romantic relationship anymore, not just with me, but anyone. She doesn't want a boyfriend. Period. Says she needs to focus on her career and her social life, as one of our biggest problems was not spending enough time with friends.We were living together so it's been difficult to do no contact. She moved out just over a month ago now but I've since sent her a letter basically giving us closure on the situation as we weren't in our right minds the last time we saw each other. We were mad, uncomfortable not communicating properly. Ever since I sent that letter a week ago I've been doing no contact. We had a great relationship and share so much history together.My question is, do you think there is still a chance even if she doesn't want a boyfriend now?
Yes, there is a chance. Follow the 5 step plan.
Yes, there is a chance. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin, so I sent the letter about a week ago and she replied to me. "That's good to hear, I'm glad it has all worked out well for you.
It's alright about all the break up stuff, at least you could see that now. Ttyl"
I'm not sure if that's what I want to hear or anything.... Which direction do I go now? Thanks
Wait a week and text her.
Wait a week and text her.
Hi Kevin, my parner of 2 and a half year broke off with me because hes tired of the fights, does not wants to get back with me and i been miserable for a week now. he has 4 tatoos of my name and i can`t deal with the idea of someone with much passion in the past has move on so quickly.
he recently got a job in a call center where he meet a lot of guys so he started to behave a lillte strange, i think hes is starting a new relationship already, anyways what should i do, does he still loves me? i been in contact with him but the moment i ask him to get bakc he just push me away.
Dear Kevin,
I understand you get alot of similar questions and scenarios, but I wondered if you would at least answer mine. My girlfriend and I split up 2 months ago after living with each other for 6 months and being together for 2 years. She is 23 and I am 25 and we really were two peas in a pod, we loved hanging out with each other, always made each other laugh, had a fantastic sex life and were each others best friend.
The reason for her splitting up with me was due to her losing trust in me and me not acting responsibly enough. I used to give her white lies about staying out with my friends and going back to friends houses to carry on partying and she, overtime, grew to distrust me. I was never unfaithful but I guess my "suspicious" actions led her to believe this. The other problem, in regards to responsibility, is that I used to lose my temper in regards to financial problems i.e. rent and things. I have never been an angry person but I never told her the true extent of my financial difficulties because a) I thought I could handle it and b) I thought she would leave if I told her. The irony is in the whole scheme of things my finances really were not that bad. These two things culminated to her being so angry at me that she left me. We have spoken and seen each other since and until yesterday we decided to completely break contact for a month or so which is actually a huge relief because we are both fed up of missing each other. She has told me she is still attracted to me, she misses but hates it, she was hopelessly in love with me but told me she will never forgive me for ruining a relationship that could have lasted forever and she says she hurts so bad.
Given these circumstances that she does miss me, is still attracted to me, still hurts so badly after all this time despite being the one that ended it - do you think after time we could work it out? I know these things she has said such as "You have made me so unbelievably sad I can never forgive you" is out of anger and to hurt me. But I was a good boyfriend and I loved and cared for her so deeply.
Sam
You definitely have a chance if you follow the plan. Everything she said is completely normal after a breakup.
Thank you for replying. What plan though? The one mentioned above? I do hope so, seems so silly to throw it all away but I am focused on myself now.
This plan.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. After reading your emails I am not sure whether I can win her back. I haven't spoken to her for a few days but I feel lost and I know now is a time to self improve but I cannot help but think all the fun she is having and that her life truly is better without me. I seem hopeless. I'm not sure whether I have missed the opportunity to win her back. She is convinced she has made the right choice and I know there is nothing I can do to get her back. What would your advice be?
Sam
Hey Sam,
My advice is stop thinking about what's going on with her and concentrate more on yourself. Instead of thinking about your chances, think whether or not you want her back. If you do, then do no contact and get back in touch with her. If it works out, great. If not, move on.
Hey Sam,
My advice is stop thinking about what's going on with her and concentrate more on yourself. Instead of thinking about your chances, think whether or not you want her back. If you do, then do no contact and get back in touch with her. If it works out, great. If not, move on.
Hey Sam,
My advice is stop thinking about what's going on with her and concentrate more on yourself. Instead of thinking about your chances, think whether or not you want her back. If you do, then do no contact and get back in touch with her. If it works out, great. If not, move on.
Hey Sam,
My advice is stop thinking about what's going on with her and concentrate more on yourself. Instead of thinking about your chances, think whether or not you want her back. If you do, then do no contact and get back in touch with her. If it works out, great. If not, move on.
Hey Sam,
My advice is stop thinking about what's going on with her and concentrate more on yourself. Instead of thinking about your chances, think whether or not you want her back. If you do, then do no contact and get back in touch with her. If it works out, great. If not, move on.
Hey Sam,
My advice is stop thinking about what's going on with her and concentrate more on yourself. Instead of thinking about your chances, think whether or not you want her back. If you do, then do no contact and get back in touch with her. If it works out, great. If not, move on.
The plan seems very good. I have read it fully and today will be day one of the 30 day no contact. This weekend we talked about bills and things but we left it on a very sour note which is a shame. She is acting so mean and like she just doesn't care. I was very weak on saturday and cried to her, I regret it completely but I felt so lost. To be frank she is acting like such a bitch, and wants to put the entire relationship behind her and act like we never happened. Why is that? It seems so unfair when she only said last week that she was hopelessly in love with me, why has she turned so bad?
Hey Sam,
It's a way for some people to deal with the breakup pain. Don't take it personally. She probably doesn't mean most of the things she says right now.
Hey Sam,
It's a way for some people to deal with the breakup pain. Don't take it personally. She probably doesn't mean most of the things she says right now.
Hey Sam,
It's a way for some people to deal with the breakup pain. Don't take it personally. She probably doesn't mean most of the things she says right now.
Hey Sam,
It's a way for some people to deal with the breakup pain. Don't take it personally. She probably doesn't mean most of the things she says right now.
Hey Sam,
It's a way for some people to deal with the breakup pain. Don't take it personally. She probably doesn't mean most of the things she says right now.
Hey Sam,
It's a way for some people to deal with the breakup pain. Don't take it personally. She probably doesn't mean most of the things she says right now.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. After reading your emails I am not sure whether I can win her back. I haven't spoken to her for a few days but I feel lost and I know now is a time to self improve but I cannot help but think all the fun she is having and that her life truly is better without me. I seem hopeless. I'm not sure whether I have missed the opportunity to win her back. She is convinced she has made the right choice and I know there is nothing I can do to get her back. What would your advice be?
Sam
The plan seems very good. I have read it fully and today will be day one of the 30 day no contact. This weekend we talked about bills and things but we left it on a very sour note which is a shame. She is acting so mean and like she just doesn't care. I was very weak on saturday and cried to her, I regret it completely but I felt so lost. To be frank she is acting like such a bitch, and wants to put the entire relationship behind her and act like we never happened. Why is that? It seems so unfair when she only said last week that she was hopelessly in love with me, why has she turned so bad?
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. After reading your emails I am not sure whether I can win her back. I haven't spoken to her for a few days but I feel lost and I know now is a time to self improve but I cannot help but think all the fun she is having and that her life truly is better without me. I seem hopeless. I'm not sure whether I have missed the opportunity to win her back. She is convinced she has made the right choice and I know there is nothing I can do to get her back. What would your advice be?
Sam
The plan seems very good. I have read it fully and today will be day one of the 30 day no contact. This weekend we talked about bills and things but we left it on a very sour note which is a shame. She is acting so mean and like she just doesn't care. I was very weak on saturday and cried to her, I regret it completely but I felt so lost. To be frank she is acting like such a bitch, and wants to put the entire relationship behind her and act like we never happened. Why is that? It seems so unfair when she only said last week that she was hopelessly in love with me, why has she turned so bad?
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. After reading your emails I am not sure whether I can win her back. I haven't spoken to her for a few days but I feel lost and I know now is a time to self improve but I cannot help but think all the fun she is having and that her life truly is better without me. I seem hopeless. I'm not sure whether I have missed the opportunity to win her back. She is convinced she has made the right choice and I know there is nothing I can do to get her back. What would your advice be?
Sam
The plan seems very good. I have read it fully and today will be day one of the 30 day no contact. This weekend we talked about bills and things but we left it on a very sour note which is a shame. She is acting so mean and like she just doesn't care. I was very weak on saturday and cried to her, I regret it completely but I felt so lost. To be frank she is acting like such a bitch, and wants to put the entire relationship behind her and act like we never happened. Why is that? It seems so unfair when she only said last week that she was hopelessly in love with me, why has she turned so bad?
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. After reading your emails I am not sure whether I can win her back. I haven't spoken to her for a few days but I feel lost and I know now is a time to self improve but I cannot help but think all the fun she is having and that her life truly is better without me. I seem hopeless. I'm not sure whether I have missed the opportunity to win her back. She is convinced she has made the right choice and I know there is nothing I can do to get her back. What would your advice be?
Sam
The plan seems very good. I have read it fully and today will be day one of the 30 day no contact. This weekend we talked about bills and things but we left it on a very sour note which is a shame. She is acting so mean and like she just doesn't care. I was very weak on saturday and cried to her, I regret it completely but I felt so lost. To be frank she is acting like such a bitch, and wants to put the entire relationship behind her and act like we never happened. Why is that? It seems so unfair when she only said last week that she was hopelessly in love with me, why has she turned so bad?
This plan.
This plan.
This plan.
Thank you for replying. What plan though? The one mentioned above? I do hope so, seems so silly to throw it all away but I am focused on myself now.
Thank you for replying. What plan though? The one mentioned above? I do hope so, seems so silly to throw it all away but I am focused on myself now.
You definitely have a chance if you follow the plan. Everything she said is completely normal after a breakup.
Hey Kevin,
So about 3 weeks ago my ex broke off a 7 year relationship with me. We've been together since high school (were both 21 now) and i thought it was going great. We did a lot of things together and had a lot of things in common. (Even living together for a year) yes our relationship was bumpy like any other one, but it seemed fine. What I didn't expect to dump me for one of my friends whom I was very close too. I haven't been able to do the 30days because of reasons, but I have tried to be short worded with him in texts when I am feeling sad. I recently moved out of the place we lived in together to live with a family member, as more of a breather for both of us. He's been giving me mixed signals, saying he still loves me and he wants to do a bunch of things in the future with me. I have been doing what you said about rewarding but not being too straightforward. He's asked to go to concerts with me and I said sure let's bring some of our friends too. He's all over the place with your articles. I'm very good friends with his mother and plan to see her for Mother's Day. After I am going to retry the 30 days. I miss him very much, but I wanna get my life together cause I am miserable without him. I just got a new job and made some new friends in the place I moved into. And I am enjoying life, but they way he ended things seemed ill thought out. My question is: should I just move on or try attempt to win him back? I want to give it another try because we had a lot that we loved to do together and he seems like he still wants to continue that. If you could give me some advice that would be most helpful.
Hey Cassie,
It's only for you to decide. I'll recommend you apply no contact for at least 2 months and if you still want to win him back, then get back in touch. Read the 5 step plan, if you haven't already.
Hey Cassie,
It's only for you to decide. I'll recommend you apply no contact for at least 2 months and if you still want to win him back, then get back in touch. Read the 5 step plan, if you haven't already.
Hello Kevin ,
I have been following NO CONTACT for exactly a month now. She texted me on the 20th day of No Cont " How I was doing" but I dint respond.(thanks to you for the will power you generated)
30 day No contact finished today, she emailed me yesterday saying that " She gets it that I don't want to talk to her and she just want to exchange things which were left with us" her clothes etc and handover my apartment keys". I texted her back that " I received her email and asked how she is doing" in response she said" she is great and just want to exchange our things"
At this point "I agreed to her insisting to leave my keys and take her stuff outside my apartment door without seeing each other" (sounded like she doesnot want to confront me) but then I also said, I wish we could talk before parting ways and clear out my conscious"
During the 30 day no contact, I gained a positive perspective of my goals in life and Analysed what is needed for me. I still love her, but not needy like I was after the first week of break. Rightnow I'm letting her go and be positive about it.
The question is
Would I need to do something for her to atleast meet me before parting ways? I feel like we dint talk much during the last 30 days and I think she might be pissed that I din't contact her when she sent me a text on 20th day of No contact.
I'm being calm about parting and giving her what ever she needs and do not want to argue about anything of the past, but I like to stay friends when we move on so the energy b/n us will be love instead of hatred/angry.
DO I have a chance getting her back? I still love her. PLEASE RESPOND.
Hey Narr,
You did the right thing. At this point, I'll recommend you start NC again after the exchange. I say this because there seems to be a lot of tension between you two regarding this exchange as it's like a final goodbye. Also, don't insist on clearing your conscious or talking to her during the exchange. Just be amicable and finish it as soon as possible. Start no contact for another 1-2 weeks and then contact her via the letter or texts.
Thank you, Kevin. Your suggestions are great to depend upon during weak moments.
I left her stuff in my garage for her to take and leave my things, but unfortunately her key could not open the garage and she called me to find out why. She sounded that she needed a reason and thought I deliberately made it to malfunction. I then suggested We could meet at B&Nble ( where we met on our first date) to exchange. She agreed to meet.
But then after reading your response, I felt like it's not a good idea to meet now, so I woke up this morning and left her stuff at her front door and texted her. Of course, being polite all the time.
As you suggested, I will wait for the next couple of weeks or longer before contacting her again.
Also I've been going out on dates with another girl during the past week or so (no sex, even though I easily can, I feel its wrong as we are not connected) but I have no interest, My heart is with my ex still.
Do you think it's a good idea to have a sexual relationship with this other girl to completely getting over my ex ? And to develop a what ever happens,"happens"attitude before I meet her.
Please any suggestion helps me be strong.
It's entirely up to you. However, I don't think it'll be wrong to sleep with her as long as you are not lying to get into her pants.
It's entirely up to you. However, I don't think it'll be wrong to sleep with her as long as you are not lying to get into her pants.
It's entirely up to you. However, I don't think it'll be wrong to sleep with her as long as you are not lying to get into her pants.
It's entirely up to you. However, I don't think it'll be wrong to sleep with her as long as you are not lying to get into her pants.
Thank you, Kevin. Your suggestions are great to depend upon during weak moments.
I left her stuff in my garage for her to take and leave my things, but unfortunately her key could not open the garage and she called me to find out why. She sounded that she needed a reason and thought I deliberately made it to malfunction. I then suggested We could meet at B&Nble ( where we met on our first date) to exchange. She agreed to meet.
But then after reading your response, I felt like it's not a good idea to meet now, so I woke up this morning and left her stuff at her front door and texted her. Of course, being polite all the time.
As you suggested, I will wait for the next couple of weeks or longer before contacting her again.
Also I've been going out on dates with another girl during the past week or so (no sex, even though I easily can, I feel its wrong as we are not connected) but I have no interest, My heart is with my ex still.
Do you think it's a good idea to have a sexual relationship with this other girl to completely getting over my ex ? And to develop a what ever happens,"happens"attitude before I meet her.
Please any suggestion helps me be strong.
Thank you, Kevin. Your suggestions are great to depend upon during weak moments.
I left her stuff in my garage for her to take and leave my things, but unfortunately her key could not open the garage and she called me to find out why. She sounded that she needed a reason and thought I deliberately made it to malfunction. I then suggested We could meet at B&Nble ( where we met on our first date) to exchange. She agreed to meet.
But then after reading your response, I felt like it's not a good idea to meet now, so I woke up this morning and left her stuff at her front door and texted her. Of course, being polite all the time.
As you suggested, I will wait for the next couple of weeks or longer before contacting her again.
Also I've been going out on dates with another girl during the past week or so (no sex, even though I easily can, I feel its wrong as we are not connected) but I have no interest, My heart is with my ex still.
Do you think it's a good idea to have a sexual relationship with this other girl to completely getting over my ex ? And to develop a what ever happens,"happens"attitude before I meet her.
Please any suggestion helps me be strong.
Hey Narr,
You did the right thing. At this point, I'll recommend you start NC again after the exchange. I say this because there seems to be a lot of tension between you two regarding this exchange as it's like a final goodbye. Also, don't insist on clearing your conscious or talking to her during the exchange. Just be amicable and finish it as soon as possible. Start no contact for another 1-2 weeks and then contact her via the letter or texts.
Kevin,
I sent an apology email March 20th and my ex replied the next day sounding angry and venting it/saying she doesn't care too. It's been 5 months since we broke up and 4 months since we last saw each other. No Contact since her reply. She hasn't come around yet, not sure why she wouldn't when we did have a good relationship and the break up wasn't bad either. At the end of January, she said she wanted to see me change in about 6 months time, why bother saying that? Apparently she still has "End of Relationship" highlighted on her Facebook from December still posted on life events. With her last ex they became friends right away because she said she fell out of love, why hasn't she come around to talk or wanting to be friends with me? I've been working on myself and really expanding my life physically and emotionally, I am a lot different than when she broke up with me.
Thanks.
Anger is a good sign. She is definitely not over you. I think you should give her some more time and space. Some people just take a lot longer to remove all the negative association and the anger after the breakup.
Anger is a good sign. She is definitely not over you. I think you should give her some more time and space. Some people just take a lot longer to remove all the negative association and the anger after the breakup.
Hey Kevin me and my ex were together for about 10 months and had a wonderful relationship no fight or yelling etc always got along. We had plans to move in together this summer actually. Well I was asleep and she went through my phone and found some inappropriate text messages to two other girls. Nothing super sexual but could easily be assumed that it could have gone farther or would have. Anyways nothing ever physical ever happened with the girls and I and I knew them from before I met my ex and would just carry on conversations with them from time to time and did not completely stop. I know this was wrong but I truly do love my gf and I feel I did this out pure ignorance and attention. This happened on March 31st and of course I did not follow the NC rule and we saw each other a few times but she tells me she would hate the person she would be if we got back together. See she is very non confrontational and well that kinda hurt because she did not fight much for us but I know that's her nature. If I enforce the NC rule and really better myself is there a chance for us down the road being that we had such a good relationship ?
Thanks , Wayne
Yes Wayne, there is definitely a chance.
Yes Wayne, there is definitely a chance.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I broke up about 7 weeks ago, he's 21 and I'm 23 and we'd been together for about 14 months and been living together for 9 of those. He broke up with me because he felt he wasn't ready for how committed our relationship when we were both so young. We both agreed that in hindsight, that our relationship wasn't really ready for us to move in, we're so young still. When we decided to do it, it made more circumstantial sense. I was looking for a job in the city he lived in and asked me to move in as it made sense. Had I already lived closer, we wouldn't have moved so fast. Since we've broken up we've both agreed that we think things could have worked if we'd taken it slower. We felt we killed our relationship. He still wants us to be friends because he doesn't want me to be completely gone forever. Do you think after some time apart we can try again at a new relationship and take things a lot slower? Other than this, we had a great relationship.
Thanks.
In my opinion, you should try again. Read the 5 step plan.
In my opinion, you should try again. Read the 5 step plan.
Hey kevin wat if you ex is your co worker you see them everyday and u have to talk to them cause of work
You keep the relationship strictly professional during the no contact period. And try to keep the conversation as less as possible.
You keep the relationship strictly professional during the no contact period. And try to keep the conversation as less as possible.
Hi, after the 30 days NC can you apologise for any drunk / nasty messages you may have sent or do you just forget it happened?
Thanks
It's not necessary to apologize. If you are sending the handwritten letter, you can include it in that. If you are taking the text route, then there is no need.
It's not necessary to apologize. If you are sending the handwritten letter, you can include it in that. If you are taking the text route, then there is no need.
Kevin,
Hey, I just recently got out of relationship of 1yr and 6 months, we been on and off for three months. He told me he was in love with me and I will someday be his wife and he is very happy with me. But as of now he says he wants nothing to do with me and we will never get back together cause I'm not making him miss me. I've fell deeply in love with this guy and it hurts not talking to him when I'm use to hearing the I love you baby and the I miss you or the happiness. His actions spoke louder even though he was saying these hurtful things. I don't know what to do he lives close to me I still got things that reminds me of him and its getting harder not wanting to text him. I am joining the air force so its distracting me a little bit but all I do is think sleep eat and dream about him. I just wish he didn't get so offensive when I ask him about females he did kinda admitted its cause I don't trust him with girls but I can't help it I've been done dirty by a lot of females over my ex's I just want to know what I can do to fix it and if I can get the love of my life back he really means a lot to me and he constantly let me know I am to him but right now he is brushing me off :'(.
Hey Jada,
You need to start no contact and follow the plan. You will start feeling better soon.
Hey Jada,
You need to start no contact and follow the plan. You will start feeling better soon.
What if your on the no contact rule and your ex keeps contacting you texting you about something he wants from me for example his original resume that I made for him... Do I give it do I tell him I deleted it or do I not even answer. It's only been a couple days I'm ignoring him...he used me for stupid shit like that material gain. And I feel if he wants his resume he has to apologize to me and earn it... Please help what should I say or not say. He keeps bugging me and I am not answering him back.
Hey Sarah,
If he keeps contacting you, for whatever reason, just tell him you need some space and time right now and you'll appreciate it if he stops it.
Hey Sarah,
If he keeps contacting you, for whatever reason, just tell him you need some space and time right now and you'll appreciate it if he stops it.
Hi Kevin
My partner and I were engaged and have a three year old. We worked for the same organization at the time. My partner has suffered from depression in the past when I met her. She came off her depressants.
We had a fight and I assaulted her I would like you to know this was a one off please do not cast judgment. I was prosecuted and when I came back to our family home my partner had slipped in to deep depression she asked me to give her space as things were not the same and she had fallen out of love from me. At the same time I was disciplined at work with an 18 month final written warning. I moved out to give her time and in that time she slept with a senior manager. I did not know at this time.
We decided to try again. After a month I found out she had slept with the senior manager. I confronted her and she left me. Bought each other out from the property and arranged child care splitting 50 50. My partner got two new jobs while all this was taking place. Settling in the oil and gas industry doing very well for her self. After splitting furniture and settling she asked for me back and asking for lots of space. At the time we seamed to be back in love both trying to forgive each other. Arranging family holidays going on weekends away. The space closed fast and I didn't resist in fact I was probably pushing to close it. She was on anti depressants at this time then came off them for stomach issues. She warned me she would be all over the place for a bit. The happy times lasted for 6 weeks and she went out and stayed out till the early hours I tried to contact her and her phone went off. I left voice mails and texts explaining how I was feeling. In the morning I let her know how I felt. The next day I found texts from him and her. I confronted her and she went from begging me to forgive her as nothing happened and the two things were separate. I asked for a few hours and on my return she asked for time to think about our relationship and when she came back she said it was over she was very ill and need time to get better. She then said she doesn't love me any more.
We have a little girl together I know I need to give her space but we are in contact about her all the time. I still believe she loves me and just needs space to get better. Well I hope. I am not forgetting what I did in this don't worry I am on help program's and understand why she slept with another man. I need help in helping her and to understand what she is going through I would like to get back with her. The no contact thing is very hard for me any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
Hey,
Read this article to understand how to do no contact when you have a child together. Also, read the 5 step plan.
Hey,
Read this article to understand how to do no contact when you have a child together. Also, read the 5 step plan.
Hi, Kevin,
me and my love are in a very complex situation (we both have kids), but the bottomline is, that after a beatiful year she told me, she can not bear the tension is her life which is caused by the intensity of our relationship and the frequency of communication (daily phonecalls).
I have to add, that from January we could meet and spend time together just every 2 or 3 weeks because of work and personal commitments. So finally she told me, that our relationship is over and she knows how bad it feels, she was also on the other side before, but even then she says it out.
After that happened I have found the Ryan Rivers Relationship Rewind and purchased it and following it I initiated a No Contact period.
After 35 days I called her and she agreed on meeting in 3 days. She asked me whether is it not wrong for me to meet her? Actually I do not understand what she meant with it.
What do you think about our chances of reignite the flame in our relationship? How can solidify the False Friendship without getting stuck in the Friend Zone?
Thanks, Bob
Hey Bob,
You do have a good chance. Since you've already opened up communication, it'll be easy to establish false friendship. You just need to make sure that you don't act needy and don't show her your intentions straight away.
Hey Bob,
You do have a good chance. Since you've already opened up communication, it'll be easy to establish false friendship. You just need to make sure that you don't act needy and don't show her your intentions straight away.
Well, i'm in a tough situation, we are both 18 years old and we are both in the same class and we stand next to each other.We broke up 1.5 month ago( we were togheter for 7 months) because she told me that she can't be with me anymore and it doesn't work and I immediately stopped contacting her, we haven't seen and talked for 2-3 weeks, after 2 days she spoke with one of our colleague(a girl) and told her it's weird because now I ignore her and she wants to talk with me.Ok, I started to speak with her only in class and only when she tells me something but nothing on chats(she sent me 5 messages but i answered short and cool), she is very funny with me, she laughs a lot when we talk, she is touching me in a funny way.I also did some changes in my life, buying new clothes that i like very much, feeling more confident, more hang outs with friends, going to gym more.Now, my question is what should i do? Continuing speaking with her and starting to speak on chats too or move from her ( i sit next to her in class) and start no contact again? I really need help.Thanx, Mike.
Don't start no contact again. Continue speaking to her and eventually ask her out.
Don't start no contact again. Continue speaking to her and eventually ask her out.
Hi kevin,
I have a question about my situation.I broke up with my ex girlfriend over a year ago.I tried hard to get back but she rejected me.so i moved on.Eventually in this time once she wanted to come back saying indirectly but i was looking for new love.But after talking with several girls i realized she is the perfect girl for me.Then i contacted her and she said she still loves me but it was too late .She is having a new relationship and she could not hurt that guy.Then again i became desperate and more rejected. then i realized that i should use no contact period. After 2 months of no contact i started to contact her.During this two month only once the called me but i did not reply to her call.then slowly i started to contact her.Now it has been around two months since i contacted her. And we talked about a lot of things. but we do not discuss why our relatinship ended. I always tell whatever happened it is good for us.and i did not ask her to get back with me.
now the problem whenever i want to meet with her she agrees but in the meeting day she makes an excuse to not show up .the worst is happened today. We fixed today to meet.But when i called her today to come , she just cut up my call. so what should i do in this situation? Is there really hope to get back with her or should i move on?Another thing is during our conversation she does not say a single word about her new boy friend.Is that a good sign or bad sign?
I think you still have a chance. If you want to spend more time pursuing her, you should do no contact again for another one month and then repeat the same process.
Hi robin,
there is a new update about my situation.That is she sends me a text yesterday.There she wrote she really wants to meet with me but she frightens to become sad or become weak towards me.So she still does not earn enough strength to meet me.What should i do now?
Tell her you both need space and time right now and hopefully you can meet in the future and start no contact for at least two weeks.
Tell her you both need space and time right now and hopefully you can meet in the future and start no contact for at least two weeks.
Tell her you both need space and time right now and hopefully you can meet in the future and start no contact for at least two weeks.
Tell her you both need space and time right now and hopefully you can meet in the future and start no contact for at least two weeks.
Hi robin,
there is a new update about my situation.That is she sends me a text yesterday.There she wrote she really wants to meet with me but she frightens to become sad or become weak towards me.So she still does not earn enough strength to meet me.What should i do now?
Hi robin,
there is a new update about my situation.That is she sends me a text yesterday.There she wrote she really wants to meet with me but she frightens to become sad or become weak towards me.So she still does not earn enough strength to meet me.What should i do now?
I think you still have a chance. If you want to spend more time pursuing her, you should do no contact again for another one month and then repeat the same process.
Hey Kevin
So my gf broke up with me three weeks ago and before I read this article I tried to see her about ten days after we had a big fight over our breakup the day before and I reacted pretty badly but when I saw her last week she wouldn't look at me or talk to me she just put her headphones in and kept walking no matter what I said. Me and her only dated for a short period of time but had been friends for quite awhile before that and we both had strong feelings for each other the whole time but were both seeing someone else during that time that prevented us from dating. My biggest problem is her best friend who has had it out for me since day one and a few days ago a friend of ours tried to talk to my ex about me and I was told that she sounded exactly like her best friend as if she was repeating word for word all the things her friend would say about me. What do I do.
Follow the plan Zach. Don't worry about her best friend. That's something you can't control. Concentrate on the things you can control.
Thanks Kevin, lately I've felt a lot more optimistic about the situation, not because she has given me any reason to because she is as stubborn as ever but I guess I've realized that I can do this. We had a lot of fun together when we were together it was just our relationship started in a very stressful time during both of our lives and it moved very fast which I believe was a result of our long standing feelings for each other that we couldn't act upon until recently.
The fight was stupid and the result of too much stress on both of us and I reacted in a negative way to the situation and said some things. Another contributing factor to our failure was my lack of understanding of how she was feeling, not that I wasn't trying but because until her, I hadn't been a relationship kind of guy, so I'm not used to reading into others emotions. I could always tell when she was upset or something was wrong, it's just she tends to hide her feelings a lot and it was difficult to tell just how much the stress was effecting her. Even if I did, it still would have been difficult for me to truely understand them because I have always had the tendency to suppress any painful emotions through parties, fights, alcohol, and even through the use of marihuana.
But before this all happened I made her a promise to stop those activities and I've kept it and now I actually do understand how she was feeling and I feel aweful about how insensitive I must have seemed. But I'm a one time mistake kind of person and learn after the first one and now I know. I finished the no contact rule today a little shy of thirty days because unfortunately I am on a time restraint that can't be helped but I saw her and told her that the breakup was for the best and that it will help us both out.
The last time I tried to talk to her she wouldn't even look at me, she kept walking and put her headphones in, but this time she talked, it wasn't good but it wasn't bad, she started by repeating what she said after the fight which was that we were done and that she was done but then I explained to her that I agreed and I also found out something that made me feel much better which was that she did not believe what her friend who was trying to convince her that all I ever wanted with her was sex, I just hope she was telling me the truth because aside from her thinking that about me I don't want her to believe that is all she was worth to me. However she still didn't stop or look at me but at least she talked to me this time. What should I do with this?
Zach,
It looks to me you still haven't applied no contact so I think you should do that for a while.
Zach,
It looks to me you still haven't applied no contact so I think you should do that for a while.
Zach,
It looks to me you still haven't applied no contact so I think you should do that for a while.
Zach,
It looks to me you still haven't applied no contact so I think you should do that for a while.
Thanks Kevin, lately I've felt a lot more optimistic about the situation, not because she has given me any reason to because she is as stubborn as ever but I guess I've realized that I can do this. We had a lot of fun together when we were together it was just our relationship started in a very stressful time during both of our lives and it moved very fast which I believe was a result of our long standing feelings for each other that we couldn't act upon until recently.
The fight was stupid and the result of too much stress on both of us and I reacted in a negative way to the situation and said some things. Another contributing factor to our failure was my lack of understanding of how she was feeling, not that I wasn't trying but because until her, I hadn't been a relationship kind of guy, so I'm not used to reading into others emotions. I could always tell when she was upset or something was wrong, it's just she tends to hide her feelings a lot and it was difficult to tell just how much the stress was effecting her. Even if I did, it still would have been difficult for me to truely understand them because I have always had the tendency to suppress any painful emotions through parties, fights, alcohol, and even through the use of marihuana.
But before this all happened I made her a promise to stop those activities and I've kept it and now I actually do understand how she was feeling and I feel aweful about how insensitive I must have seemed. But I'm a one time mistake kind of person and learn after the first one and now I know. I finished the no contact rule today a little shy of thirty days because unfortunately I am on a time restraint that can't be helped but I saw her and told her that the breakup was for the best and that it will help us both out.
The last time I tried to talk to her she wouldn't even look at me, she kept walking and put her headphones in, but this time she talked, it wasn't good but it wasn't bad, she started by repeating what she said after the fight which was that we were done and that she was done but then I explained to her that I agreed and I also found out something that made me feel much better which was that she did not believe what her friend who was trying to convince her that all I ever wanted with her was sex, I just hope she was telling me the truth because aside from her thinking that about me I don't want her to believe that is all she was worth to me. However she still didn't stop or look at me but at least she talked to me this time. What should I do with this?
Thanks Kevin, lately I've felt a lot more optimistic about the situation, not because she has given me any reason to because she is as stubborn as ever but I guess I've realized that I can do this. We had a lot of fun together when we were together it was just our relationship started in a very stressful time during both of our lives and it moved very fast which I believe was a result of our long standing feelings for each other that we couldn't act upon until recently.
The fight was stupid and the result of too much stress on both of us and I reacted in a negative way to the situation and said some things. Another contributing factor to our failure was my lack of understanding of how she was feeling, not that I wasn't trying but because until her, I hadn't been a relationship kind of guy, so I'm not used to reading into others emotions. I could always tell when she was upset or something was wrong, it's just she tends to hide her feelings a lot and it was difficult to tell just how much the stress was effecting her. Even if I did, it still would have been difficult for me to truely understand them because I have always had the tendency to suppress any painful emotions through parties, fights, alcohol, and even through the use of marihuana.
But before this all happened I made her a promise to stop those activities and I've kept it and now I actually do understand how she was feeling and I feel aweful about how insensitive I must have seemed. But I'm a one time mistake kind of person and learn after the first one and now I know. I finished the no contact rule today a little shy of thirty days because unfortunately I am on a time restraint that can't be helped but I saw her and told her that the breakup was for the best and that it will help us both out.
The last time I tried to talk to her she wouldn't even look at me, she kept walking and put her headphones in, but this time she talked, it wasn't good but it wasn't bad, she started by repeating what she said after the fight which was that we were done and that she was done but then I explained to her that I agreed and I also found out something that made me feel much better which was that she did not believe what her friend who was trying to convince her that all I ever wanted with her was sex, I just hope she was telling me the truth because aside from her thinking that about me I don't want her to believe that is all she was worth to me. However she still didn't stop or look at me but at least she talked to me this time. What should I do with this?
Follow the plan Zach. Don't worry about her best friend. That's something you can't control. Concentrate on the things you can control.
Just an update. He said today that there is a possibility that we could get back together because I did nothing wrong, and he just needs to work on himself. He said that I am beautiful inside and out which makes me different from when he ended previous relationships. We ended because he needs to reevaluate things, not because of fussing and fighting.
What do you think Kevin?
We have been broken up for 6 days and sadly I have not started no contact until yesterday but received this text today. What do I do?
If you haven't started no contact yet, send him a text telling him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and start no contact.
If you haven't started no contact yet, send him a text telling him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and start no contact.
So I just found out he made an online dating profile where he basically says he’s looking for the one. He also used photos from our relationship, including our trip to Peru, a wedding we went to which my arms is actually in the photo and even one from our anniversary in Vegas! Why would he do this? I don’t see how you can go from loving someone and planning a future one minute, then a week later breaking up and less than a month after that posting on a dating website. In our breakup 6 weeks ago after a year & a half he said with teary eyes (he hasn’t cried in 7 years before this) that he really loves me and this was the hardest decision he’s ever had to make but when he thinks if I’m the “end all, be all” sometimes he sees it, sometimes he doesn’t and his gut is telling him something isn't right.
Is this something we can come back from?! Do I still stand a chance? Should I continue no contact (did 28 days, then sent an easter text, and now no contact since his response that day) even though he's out there looking? Or should I try texting him now.
Brenda,
I replied to your comment here.
Oops sorry, lack of sleep is really starting to catch up with me. Thank you.
Oops sorry, lack of sleep is really starting to catch up with me. Thank you.
Oops sorry, lack of sleep is really starting to catch up with me. Thank you.
Btw, we were together for a year & a half. I'm 26 and he's 28.
Brenda,
I replied to your comment here.
Btw, we were together for a year & a half. I'm 26 and he's 28.
break up with me for someone else we did have not sex in 6 moths he says i'm bored never go out and the new guy he like to go out the opposite of me is that a rebound ?
It's looks like a rebound.
It's looks like a rebound.
Hello Kevin!
After broking up with my ex boyfriend I followed all ur steps I gave him th
e space and time and also I tried to make some changes on me myself and now after 2 months from the breakup he called me but I didn't pick up the 1st time and even the 2nd thus he started a conversation with me on FB he asked me then if he could call me I accepted we stayed on phone for 2 hours from that time he called me often and all his calls are after midnight & take frm one hour to two I noticed a changement in his way of speaking with me showing more importance & caring besides he didn't mention anything abt our relationship or breakup talking like nothing wrong has already happened to us besides, he keeps asking me if I have someone in my life or not I asked him if he speakers with all his friends and takes all the time with them like he does with me he said "no, u,re more than a friend" in the other hand sometimes he desapeares , no calls no facebook no message I couldn't understand him, truelly I don't know how I should react!!!?.
Thanks
Just be cool and don't show any signs of neediness. If he disappears, you disappear. If he is cold, you become cold. If he is warm, you be warm.
Just be cool and don't show any signs of neediness. If he disappears, you disappear. If he is cold, you become cold. If he is warm, you be warm.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years, and i broke up with him Because i felt that he is cold at me for almost a week he didn't want to text me and even during our anniversary he don't provide same effort to see me or text me I thought he never love me anymore. Within those 9 months we broke up I have been in no contact rule and like what you said in your other article all the sign that he still loves me are all present. Then now he said to me he wants to go back what we have but he is confused on what he felt he said that he loves me but he want to make sure of that feeling first. that’s why I have doubt and question his love for me and I can’t see his sincerity that he really what me back. Also my feelings start to be confused. I need your advice if I should go back with him, until know it’s hard for me to list my pros and cons of getting back with him. What do you think should I do?
If you are confused, you should start no contact again for a couple of months. Tell him you need time to think. The answer will eventually come to you.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you i appreciate your advice.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you i appreciate your advice.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you i appreciate your advice.
If you are confused, you should start no contact again for a couple of months. Tell him you need time to think. The answer will eventually come to you.
Hello, I originally meet my ex about 14 years ago, we liked each other then. However we were married to different people, so nothing happened. Over the years we saw each other a few times by accident. Then in September last year I made a comment on fbook on a mutual friends page. With in 2 weeks we were going out. He was very full on while I had my guard up. Talking about the future and it had been years since he had that emotional connection with anyone. After 6 weeks I started to trust and let my guard down. I felt him start to pull away then some sad things happen on his side which were out off our control. A few weeks later I got the talk "I'm not ready for commit ment" It was all very civil, I tried to apply no contact rule.
However he made contact and even helped me by hiding children's Xmas presents and bought them up Christmas eve. Since then we have seen each other a few times and we have a laugh. Most of the time now it is me who initiate contact via text. A few weeks ago he admitted he missed elements off our relationship and a few things he doesn't. Then a few days later I saw something on Facebook so I contacted him. (I feel there are unresolved issues to do with grief) I suggested that he spoke to someone.
This went down like a lead balloon. Yesterday I sent a light hearted text and asked for his advise on something. I got back the advice bit, it was very neutral. Then for some strange reason I looked on this dating site to see he was on :-(
I find this heart wrenching. I really don't know what to do. First I do want to explain why I said about getting help. My head stays let it go my heart is a different matter tho! Do we have a chance? Thank you
Hey,
Your relationship was short and if you are right about his unresolved issues, your chances are even less. I think you should apply no contact for a 2-3 months and let him deal with his issues. That's your best bet.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey,
Your relationship was short and if you are right about his unresolved issues, your chances are even less. I think you should apply no contact for a 2-3 months and let him deal with his issues. That's your best bet.
Hi Kevin,
I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years but at the end of the first year she started to become very depressed. This was due to her being in a foreign country, away from her really close friends (she had been here 2 years before I met her) and, after she moved cities to be with me, couldn't find a job.
I need to mention that after she called it quits, we continued to live together as flatmates (and have done for two years). This has been a non physical, normal flatmate arrangement and we get on, what I think, really well.
I need to stay, as I was really worried that if she didn't have someone there to look out for her, she wouldn't get better. She has said (a fair bit) over these last two years that I need to move on. She said she hadn't and wouldn't until she felt better.
Recently she has been very moody and has spent a lot of time in her room....then, the other day, said that she has moved on. I don't know if it's somebody from this country or from somewhere else but, she hasn't started going out (yet) and although I really want to ask her who/where this bloke is/from...I don't want it to kill me anymore than it is.
I love her to bits.... I see her everyday so the NC rule is not possible.
I cant think straight but am trying to be the "fun" flatmate and she's agreed to come to a couple of shows with me. This is the first time she has agreed to go out (as friends) for over a year. apart from a club and couple of courses, she has always locked herself away at home.
I'm thinking that she has emotionally written me off....and I, though I honestly want to she her happy, want her to see me as the one guy that was always there for her...
I'm at a loss......
Pat, you need to get out of this situation and find yourself another place. You have been worrying about her for two years. What did you get? She moved on. Now, you need to put your happiness before her. Do anything and everything you can do to make yourself happy. You were always there for her, and she didn't consider your feelings. You need to stop trying to rescue the "Damsel in distress" and find someone who is happy and who can make you happy.
Hi Kevin,
Problem is, I have a lease until the end of the year.
She hasn't thrown it in my face and has been (apart from a little moody) ok and not tried to make me feel worse than I already do.
I'm just hoping that she'll see me for me...but I know she can't do that unless I'm not there to be missed.
I've had break ups before (not that many to be fair) and I know the world still turns, but there something keeping me there....it has for the last two years....and, yes, part of it could be her being the "Damsel in distress" but, before she told me that she's found this guy, I was fairly happy. Yeah...I'm guessing she wasn't.
I'm thinking that there is not hope getting her back?
Hey Pat,
Isn't there a way to end the lease sooner? I think there is little hope, but only if you move out and stop being there for her all the time.
Hi Kevin,
I came home last night and had a good talk with her. She said what a wonderful guy I am...that she tells all her friends that...but still, she has made her mind up...she never wavers, even if she's wrong.... I said that it would be best to move out (90% of the stuff here is mine...it's much easier for her to move and I really want her to miss me) but she doesn't want too. Yeah...I need to go.
She does care for me...but has made her mind up and can only look at me as a friend and flatmate.
I'm looking for places...she does need to miss me but, in all honesty, I don't she any hope in her coming back to me. It is a horrible time and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I haven't ever been as affected as bad as this.
I know there will be someone out there for me...but that doesn't really help at the moment.
I am applying as much of the no contact rule as possible...
I wish with all my heart that she would want to be part of my life...but, she knows how I feel and it's up to her now.
I fair all is lost....such a waste
Things will get much better once you move out and start no contact.
Things will get much better once you move out and start no contact.
Things will get much better once you move out and start no contact.
Things will get much better once you move out and start no contact.
Things will get much better once you move out and start no contact.
Things will get much better once you move out and start no contact.
Hi Kevin,
I came home last night and had a good talk with her. She said what a wonderful guy I am...that she tells all her friends that...but still, she has made her mind up...she never wavers, even if she's wrong.... I said that it would be best to move out (90% of the stuff here is mine...it's much easier for her to move and I really want her to miss me) but she doesn't want too. Yeah...I need to go.
She does care for me...but has made her mind up and can only look at me as a friend and flatmate.
I'm looking for places...she does need to miss me but, in all honesty, I don't she any hope in her coming back to me. It is a horrible time and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I haven't ever been as affected as bad as this.
I know there will be someone out there for me...but that doesn't really help at the moment.
I am applying as much of the no contact rule as possible...
I wish with all my heart that she would want to be part of my life...but, she knows how I feel and it's up to her now.
I fair all is lost....such a waste
Hi Kevin,
I came home last night and had a good talk with her. She said what a wonderful guy I am...that she tells all her friends that...but still, she has made her mind up...she never wavers, even if she's wrong.... I said that it would be best to move out (90% of the stuff here is mine...it's much easier for her to move and I really want her to miss me) but she doesn't want too. Yeah...I need to go.
She does care for me...but has made her mind up and can only look at me as a friend and flatmate.
I'm looking for places...she does need to miss me but, in all honesty, I don't she any hope in her coming back to me. It is a horrible time and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I haven't ever been as affected as bad as this.
I know there will be someone out there for me...but that doesn't really help at the moment.
I am applying as much of the no contact rule as possible...
I wish with all my heart that she would want to be part of my life...but, she knows how I feel and it's up to her now.
I fair all is lost....such a waste
Hi Kevin,
I came home last night and had a good talk with her. She said what a wonderful guy I am...that she tells all her friends that...but still, she has made her mind up...she never wavers, even if she's wrong.... I said that it would be best to move out (90% of the stuff here is mine...it's much easier for her to move and I really want her to miss me) but she doesn't want too. Yeah...I need to go.
She does care for me...but has made her mind up and can only look at me as a friend and flatmate.
I'm looking for places...she does need to miss me but, in all honesty, I don't she any hope in her coming back to me. It is a horrible time and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I haven't ever been as affected as bad as this.
I know there will be someone out there for me...but that doesn't really help at the moment.
I am applying as much of the no contact rule as possible...
I wish with all my heart that she would want to be part of my life...but, she knows how I feel and it's up to her now.
I fair all is lost....such a waste
Hi Kevin,
I came home last night and had a good talk with her. She said what a wonderful guy I am...that she tells all her friends that...but still, she has made her mind up...she never wavers, even if she's wrong.... I said that it would be best to move out (90% of the stuff here is mine...it's much easier for her to move and I really want her to miss me) but she doesn't want too. Yeah...I need to go.
She does care for me...but has made her mind up and can only look at me as a friend and flatmate.
I'm looking for places...she does need to miss me but, in all honesty, I don't she any hope in her coming back to me. It is a horrible time and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I haven't ever been as affected as bad as this.
I know there will be someone out there for me...but that doesn't really help at the moment.
I am applying as much of the no contact rule as possible...
I wish with all my heart that she would want to be part of my life...but, she knows how I feel and it's up to her now.
I fair all is lost....such a waste
Hey Pat,
Isn't there a way to end the lease sooner? I think there is little hope, but only if you move out and stop being there for her all the time.
Hey Pat,
Isn't there a way to end the lease sooner? I think there is little hope, but only if you move out and stop being there for her all the time.
Hey Pat,
Isn't there a way to end the lease sooner? I think there is little hope, but only if you move out and stop being there for her all the time.
Hi Kevin,
Problem is, I have a lease until the end of the year.
She hasn't thrown it in my face and has been (apart from a little moody) ok and not tried to make me feel worse than I already do.
I'm just hoping that she'll see me for me...but I know she can't do that unless I'm not there to be missed.
I've had break ups before (not that many to be fair) and I know the world still turns, but there something keeping me there....it has for the last two years....and, yes, part of it could be her being the "Damsel in distress" but, before she told me that she's found this guy, I was fairly happy. Yeah...I'm guessing she wasn't.
I'm thinking that there is not hope getting her back?
Hi Kevin,
Problem is, I have a lease until the end of the year.
She hasn't thrown it in my face and has been (apart from a little moody) ok and not tried to make me feel worse than I already do.
I'm just hoping that she'll see me for me...but I know she can't do that unless I'm not there to be missed.
I've had break ups before (not that many to be fair) and I know the world still turns, but there something keeping me there....it has for the last two years....and, yes, part of it could be her being the "Damsel in distress" but, before she told me that she's found this guy, I was fairly happy. Yeah...I'm guessing she wasn't.
I'm thinking that there is not hope getting her back?
Pat, you need to get out of this situation and find yourself another place. You have been worrying about her for two years. What did you get? She moved on. Now, you need to put your happiness before her. Do anything and everything you can do to make yourself happy. You were always there for her, and she didn't consider your feelings. You need to stop trying to rescue the "Damsel in distress" and find someone who is happy and who can make you happy.
Dear Kev,
After he uploaded that picture on viber I kept calm for 3 days and I sent a msg asking whether he managed to deposit the money and he never replied. We haven't had any kind of contact for 2 weeks . I m astonished cz he was chasing me last whole month for my bank details and when we finally agreed how we could do it and sent the bank details he is showing his indifference by not replying me. I can call his parents and ask for the money but it will sabotage the good image he has of me. What would you advice me to do? Should I text him or should I wait until he says something! After 5 days he took the viber pic off as well. But I saw his new gf has become friends with his sister on fb! I know things are going pretty well. Im becoming stronger but I don't know y he dsnt want to tell me why he is unable to pay!
Thank u Kev! Hope you are well! hugs
Gina
Hey Gina,
If you still want to pursue him, wait another couple of weeks, and then text him back. If, on the other hand, you have decided you don't want him back, I'll recommend you contact a lawyer about getting your money back.
Hey Gina,
If you still want to pursue him, wait another couple of weeks, and then text him back. If, on the other hand, you have decided you don't want him back, I'll recommend you contact a lawyer about getting your money back.
Hi Kevin,
I'm 29 my ex is 31. She split up with me a few days ago because she said she was unhappy. We've been through a lot, her ex stalking her and her feeing confused a couple of years ago. We split up ad me acting like I was getting on with things and not texting worked. Since then we have lost a baby to down syndrome, my dad died at the same time, my granddad died a few months later, my mum was in and out of hospital and I had to finish my degree at the same time to secure my job, stress got to us and she was splitting up with me a lot apparently to get a reaction. She decided she wanted a baby, but I said we needed t get back on track first. Next thing she was pregnant and I didn't give the reaction she wanted. She split with me again and I just got on with things but was still trying to be there to put up a cot and things (despite what she says; "I was out all the time" apparently). We were together again before the baby was born.
My daughter is now 5 months old, things were good for a bit. I've been a door mat for the last month. She has said the same old routine is now boring, was a complete mood change over night. I've kept texts short and to the point. She's posted things on facebook like "the beginning is always the hardest, don't give up" and "if you show me you don't give a f*** I will show you I'm better at it". I love her so much and want to be with my baby's mum. I have to stay I contact for my daughter's sake though. How d I get her back?
You should still follow the plan and use the guidelines in this article to apply no contact.
You should still follow the plan and use the guidelines in this article to apply no contact.
So sorry I forgot to tell you how old we are. We are both 19.
I left a comment before but I'm not sure if it posted? I can't find it
Hey Tom,
It's here.
Hey Tom,
It's here.
Hey Tom,
It's here.
I left a comment before but I'm not sure if it posted? I can't find it
Hi Kevin, I've been applying no contact for about two weeks since you recommended me. My ex (27) and I (27) lived together for more than a year, and he decided to move out from our flat about a month ago. He still come here collecting his stuff while I'm away. I already told him he can take his time to move things out because I know he cannot take so many things at once. Do you think this situation is not good for starting no contact even though I'm not seeing/contacting him for two weeks? Does no contact start after he moved out completely?
Ok Kevin been reading a lot of your advice to everyone, I got a trip for you, so my ex fiance of 4 years almost five just ended with me, she says she needs space from me, that we no longer can be under the same roof. Only thing is we have a child together my 2yr old son. To make matters worse I just found out she is already seeing someone else a co-worker. What should I do how do I apply the no contact rule when we have to be in touch especially because of my son. It sounds like she is on a rebound guy but so soon is what's killing me. I want her back but then I don't, she was trying to hide her relationship with the co worker but I witness them kissing. I'm so lost my emotions are every where please help.
Hey,
Rebound relationships are supposed to happen soon after a breakup. The sooner they start, the sooner they end. So try not worrying about it. I know it's easier said than done, but that's the best I can do for you here. As for applying no contact, read this article for guidelines on how to apply no contact when you have a child.
Hey,
Rebound relationships are supposed to happen soon after a breakup. The sooner they start, the sooner they end. So try not worrying about it. I know it's easier said than done, but that's the best I can do for you here. As for applying no contact, read this article for guidelines on how to apply no contact when you have a child.
My girl and I split after 6yrs on and off, we lived together for about a year but her jealousy pushed me to leave, so we get back together again and we carry on our reletiknship but she always accused me of seeing my ex ex, then we stopped talking for a whole month and I find out she has a new man in her life and she has been seeing him for a least three months.. Is this a rebound .. When I found out I told her I knew about it and she just stopped replying to me , what should I do
Follow the 5 step plan. It's probably a rebound.
Follow the 5 step plan. It's probably a rebound.
Kevin, Hi there!
It's awkward for me to do this. But I've seen lots of people messaging you. So I would try to ask for help. I'm in very much in NEED of help!
My American bf and I have been together for a year but we have to separate places because of his work and I need to come back here in the Philippines. For two months of being separated and in LDR he seems to changing. That's where I started to get over jealous and often assuming the worst. I always ask him where did he go, who was with him everytime he's out.
One night on dec (13th) we had this argument , me complaining things. That he doesnt have time for me etc. Then he hung up and didn't want to talk to me even I called and texted a lot. He said he's gonna talk to me "later". On the second day I called him, he answered for a bit then told me he's gonna call back when he gets home. He sounded irritated still. I've waited for hours before I called back again. But, that's when I no longer could able to reach him. He never contacted me since.
No Xmas greetings,Even new year greetings. I text, email and call him every single day and tried to reach him even asked his parents(yea i did) to get ahold of him for me. But he never contacted me despite of my pleading and begging to talk to me. On jan.8 he finally contacted me thru email. And that was a broke up e-mail. Of course I was totally shocked. From then I asked, begged every single day for him to come back and give me more chance and promised him that I'm gonna change as being a jealous person. At first month of talking to each other since the break up he seems to still care for me and love me.
He even admit to me that he had thought of giving me a chance but because he see me not changing, always jealous even we already broke up , he got mad and told me there's now way now. And he really distant and cold. One day last month I sent him an acceptance letter that I'm accepting his break up, but after couple days I get back to what I used to do texting and asking him a lot of things. Because I can't! I just can't! I love him so much... So much that I can't move on. Its been 5 months now and I'm still miserable. Tho he told me multiple times to just move on and lose my hope cuz we will never get back together and he's not seeing us being together again, do u think I still have a chance if I'll follow your advice. He also said that the love he has for me is not the same as before. Anymore. We both on our 30's. Please help me what should I do.
He's now in the Florida, US and I'm in the Philippines. He was the reason too why I came back here from Japan. We still have contacts, sometimes he's ok. And he would tell me if he feels I'm accepting his offer as being friends then he's gonna treat me well. He doesn't want to talk about us anymore. He's a good man. A faithful one. I know. But he completely changed to a personality I haven't known of. Since just yesterday i didnt contacted him after he really got mad at me again and cursed a lot. What can I do more?
Hey Anne,
Sorry you are going through this. I think if you follow the plan and make changes in your life and learn to be happy without him in your life during no contact, then you will have a pretty good chance of getting him back.
Thank you for your reply Kevin.
It's me again. I forgot to tell you that we are talking still almOst everyday. I started to not texting him since last week and I failed last night. Cuz something happened that I thought he should know. He replied today, as usual cold nd distant. One word in every long message I send. Uhm, I guess I am going to buy your relationship rewind online (if I'm not mistaken) tonight.
You'll have to stop texting him for a while.
You'll have to stop texting him for a while.
You'll have to stop texting him for a while.
You'll have to stop texting him for a while.
Thank you for your reply Kevin.
It's me again. I forgot to tell you that we are talking still almOst everyday. I started to not texting him since last week and I failed last night. Cuz something happened that I thought he should know. He replied today, as usual cold nd distant. One word in every long message I send. Uhm, I guess I am going to buy your relationship rewind online (if I'm not mistaken) tonight.
Thank you for your reply Kevin.
It's me again. I forgot to tell you that we are talking still almOst everyday. I started to not texting him since last week and I failed last night. Cuz something happened that I thought he should know. He replied today, as usual cold nd distant. One word in every long message I send. Uhm, I guess I am going to buy your relationship rewind online (if I'm not mistaken) tonight.
Hey Anne,
Sorry you are going through this. I think if you follow the plan and make changes in your life and learn to be happy without him in your life during no contact, then you will have a pretty good chance of getting him back.
Kevin,
My boyfriend and I of 6 years decided breakup. He is a very honest person and said he started having feelings for someone else, but that he still loved me but it seemed like it was no longer "in love", but then he explains that it's possible to love to people and describes are love as a garden with many plants and what he feels for this new girl as a single planted seed. What is strange to me is that this new girl is very similar to me just younger, he even said to me when he meet her that she reminds him of me when I was her age. He initially didn't like her but she had her eyes set on him and kept making her move, which made me feel insecure so I expressed my concern and so he talked to her and said he didn't like her that way but I feel like that fueled her even more and she kept on pushing and making her moves on him till it made me really upset and insecure and really put strain in our relationship. To the point where my ex said I was pushing him towards her cause I caused him stress and she didn't. It's been about a month and I pretty sure they are dating I haven't asked cause I am sure he wouldn't want to tell me. I have implicated no contact but what should I think of this?
You shouldn't spend your energy thinking about it. It'll lead to nothing. It's good you applied no contact. Even if he is with that girl, it's probably a rebound and it won't last long.
You shouldn't spend your energy thinking about it. It'll lead to nothing. It's good you applied no contact. Even if he is with that girl, it's probably a rebound and it won't last long.
i left a comment here but now i am not seeing here
Hey Robin,
It's here.
Hey Robin,
It's here.
Hi. I've been reading your emails for quite sometime and I love your advice. I'm 23 years old. My boyfriend is 27. We've been together for 7 years. Our relationship have its own ups and downs but one thing's for sure-being with him are the best days of my life until I made one fatal mistake. I cheated. Why I did it still baffles me. Probably co'z I got curious. You see, I was a virgin when I met my bf.
My conscience couldn't take it anymore that's why I told him everything. And to my surprise, he also admit that way back 5 years ago in our relationship, he also slept with another woman/women. I forgave him for what he did and I regret what I did. I apologized for a hundred times. And you're right. It didn't work. My boyfriend broke up with me.
After a week of our break up, he decided to give me another chance. But it's not the same. He got cold. It's been a month now after the incident and since he took me back, we're not officially broken up. We're trying fixing things.
I tried the 30day no contact rule but on the 4th day of no contact, he texted me. Even called me. I tried to stay cool as possible. But he only reverted to anger. And whenever I won't tell him where I was, he would only get suspicious. So I started telling him my whereabouts. Asked him how his day was and so on even if I won't get any respond. And now I'm the one who looks needy.
Is the 30day no contact rule would still apply in my situation if we're NOT broken up?
How do I get his trust back without being needy?
Thanks for your time. Your advice would be very much appreciated.
If you are already back together, you should not apply no contact. Instead, you both need to have an honest talk about what's going on in your relationship and how you can fix it. Going to couples counseling can definitely help. You need to learn to communicate in a better way and how to rebuild trust after infidelity. There are a lot of resources on the internet regarding that and you should look for it.
If you are already back together, you should not apply no contact. Instead, you both need to have an honest talk about what's going on in your relationship and how you can fix it. Going to couples counseling can definitely help. You need to learn to communicate in a better way and how to rebuild trust after infidelity. There are a lot of resources on the internet regarding that and you should look for it.
Hi kevin.me and my partner of 3 years split 6 weeks ago. He is 35 I am 32.he told me he was un happy. Want to move on. And he told me to find mr right. I told him I didn't want any one else. We haven't text each other for weeks. He is on a dating site. I no he wants space. So I've taken your advice and not contact him. It's hard but if you want that special someone back then you have to do the right thing. I see him every weekend as he picks our son up. I try not to talk to him. I so want to tell him I miss him. I am worried he will forget all about me and move on with someone else. Because I am not replying to his texts he thinks I don't care. I just want him back in my life
Hi kevin.i spoke to my ex.cause he brought back our son. I find we get on so well when we see each other every weekend. But he then texts me saying he wants to be friends and hope I find what Iam looking for. He told me last week. The chances we got getting back together has gone further away. Is he given me mixed signals?.He tells me what he is up to. And what work is like. I am so confused. I have to text him cause of our son. We broke up before for 6 weeks. And he told me he missed me and our kids. What do I do kev?
Apply limited contact for at least a month. That means only talk to him about your son. Let him know you need some space and time and you can only talk to him about your son. Don't talk about anything personal and then follow the plan.
Hello Kevin. I've done what you said about limited texts . Early hours this morning my ex text me. He said how I made him a stronger person. That he car for me a lot. And he still loves me. He said some nasty stuff to me. Very hurtful. He told me he's his own person now. And no one can tell him what to do. And all the love I may still have for him has passed in his eyes. I didn't text him back. But my felling is. He never wants me back. Shall I just let him go. Or just leave him to cool down for a while. I really love and care for him.
Hey Kevin. I've been doing the no contact. Only txt him about our son. The truth is I sent him an email telling him I was sorry for my mistakes and I apologise for my actions and for hurting him. Well he never got back. So few days later I text him. And still no reply. Anyway he text me yesterday saying he has feelings for me but is trying to block them out but it's hard for him. He said I had no reason to apologise or to be sorry. And that he was sorry for calling it a day. He text me this morning telling me that enough is enough. He is happy on his own. He's said he's thrown in the towel and he's his own person now. He told me that he got back with me last time because he loved me. I was upset so I text him back. Explained everything and how I've become a stronger girl since he left me. I no he still loves me cause he can't get over someone so soon. Iam going to start the no contact again. But do you think I still have a chance or has he made up his mind. Please help
I think it's worth trying still. Follow through with the plan once. If it doesn't work, move on.
I think it's worth trying still. Follow through with the plan once. If it doesn't work, move on.
I think it's worth trying still. Follow through with the plan once. If it doesn't work, move on.
I think it's worth trying still. Follow through with the plan once. If it doesn't work, move on.
I think it's worth trying still. Follow through with the plan once. If it doesn't work, move on.
I think it's worth trying still. Follow through with the plan once. If it doesn't work, move on.
Let him cool down. Continue with limited contact.
Hey Kevin. I've been doing the no contact. Only txt him about our son. The truth is I sent him an email telling him I was sorry for my mistakes and I apologise for my actions and for hurting him. Well he never got back. So few days later I text him. And still no reply. Anyway he text me yesterday saying he has feelings for me but is trying to block them out but it's hard for him. He said I had no reason to apologise or to be sorry. And that he was sorry for calling it a day. He text me this morning telling me that enough is enough. He is happy on his own. He's said he's thrown in the towel and he's his own person now. He told me that he got back with me last time because he loved me. I was upset so I text him back. Explained everything and how I've become a stronger girl since he left me. I no he still loves me cause he can't get over someone so soon. Iam going to start the no contact again. But do you think I still have a chance or has he made up his mind. Please help
Let him cool down. Continue with limited contact.
Hey Kevin. I've been doing the no contact. Only txt him about our son. The truth is I sent him an email telling him I was sorry for my mistakes and I apologise for my actions and for hurting him. Well he never got back. So few days later I text him. And still no reply. Anyway he text me yesterday saying he has feelings for me but is trying to block them out but it's hard for him. He said I had no reason to apologise or to be sorry. And that he was sorry for calling it a day. He text me this morning telling me that enough is enough. He is happy on his own. He's said he's thrown in the towel and he's his own person now. He told me that he got back with me last time because he loved me. I was upset so I text him back. Explained everything and how I've become a stronger girl since he left me. I no he still loves me cause he can't get over someone so soon. Iam going to start the no contact again. But do you think I still have a chance or has he made up his mind. Please help
Let him cool down. Continue with limited contact.
Hey Kevin. I've been doing the no contact. Only txt him about our son. The truth is I sent him an email telling him I was sorry for my mistakes and I apologise for my actions and for hurting him. Well he never got back. So few days later I text him. And still no reply. Anyway he text me yesterday saying he has feelings for me but is trying to block them out but it's hard for him. He said I had no reason to apologise or to be sorry. And that he was sorry for calling it a day. He text me this morning telling me that enough is enough. He is happy on his own. He's said he's thrown in the towel and he's his own person now. He told me that he got back with me last time because he loved me. I was upset so I text him back. Explained everything and how I've become a stronger girl since he left me. I no he still loves me cause he can't get over someone so soon. Iam going to start the no contact again. But do you think I still have a chance or has he made up his mind. Please help
Let him cool down. Continue with limited contact.
Hey Kevin. I've been doing the no contact. Only txt him about our son. The truth is I sent him an email telling him I was sorry for my mistakes and I apologise for my actions and for hurting him. Well he never got back. So few days later I text him. And still no reply. Anyway he text me yesterday saying he has feelings for me but is trying to block them out but it's hard for him. He said I had no reason to apologise or to be sorry. And that he was sorry for calling it a day. He text me this morning telling me that enough is enough. He is happy on his own. He's said he's thrown in the towel and he's his own person now. He told me that he got back with me last time because he loved me. I was upset so I text him back. Explained everything and how I've become a stronger girl since he left me. I no he still loves me cause he can't get over someone so soon. Iam going to start the no contact again. But do you think I still have a chance or has he made up his mind. Please help
Let him cool down. Continue with limited contact.
Hello Kevin. I've done what you said about limited texts . Early hours this morning my ex text me. He said how I made him a stronger person. That he car for me a lot. And he still loves me. He said some nasty stuff to me. Very hurtful. He told me he's his own person now. And no one can tell him what to do. And all the love I may still have for him has passed in his eyes. I didn't text him back. But my felling is. He never wants me back. Shall I just let him go. Or just leave him to cool down for a while. I really love and care for him.
Hello Kevin. I've done what you said about limited texts . Early hours this morning my ex text me. He said how I made him a stronger person. That he car for me a lot. And he still loves me. He said some nasty stuff to me. Very hurtful. He told me he's his own person now. And no one can tell him what to do. And all the love I may still have for him has passed in his eyes. I didn't text him back. But my felling is. He never wants me back. Shall I just let him go. Or just leave him to cool down for a while. I really love and care for him.
Hello Kevin. I've done what you said about limited texts . Early hours this morning my ex text me. He said how I made him a stronger person. That he car for me a lot. And he still loves me. He said some nasty stuff to me. Very hurtful. He told me he's his own person now. And no one can tell him what to do. And all the love I may still have for him has passed in his eyes. I didn't text him back. But my felling is. He never wants me back. Shall I just let him go. Or just leave him to cool down for a while. I really love and care for him.
Apply limited contact for at least a month. That means only talk to him about your son. Let him know you need some space and time and you can only talk to him about your son. Don't talk about anything personal and then follow the plan.
Apply limited contact for at least a month. That means only talk to him about your son. Let him know you need some space and time and you can only talk to him about your son. Don't talk about anything personal and then follow the plan.
I don't think he will move on so soon. Even if he starts seeing someone, it'll probably be a rebound.
Hi kevin.i spoke to my ex.cause he brought back our son. I find we get on so well when we see each other every weekend. But he then texts me saying he wants to be friends and hope I find what Iam looking for. He told me last week. The chances we got getting back together has gone further away. Is he given me mixed signals?.He tells me what he is up to. And what work is like. I am so confused. I have to text him cause of our son. We broke up before for 6 weeks. And he told me he missed me and our kids. What do I do kev?
I don't think he will move on so soon. Even if he starts seeing someone, it'll probably be a rebound.
Kevin me and my boyfriend just broke up well he broke up with me after I found out he was texting some girl and I just confronted him he insisted he wasn't cheating so I kept asking why the messages later I see his sister coming and agrevating me telling me to get out cause his mom had just passed away we went outside seeking for me to get to the bottom of this he denied it all but didn't let me see the messages somehow he was hiding something I then let myself go and slapped him he immediately left and told me he was done he texted me it was over I went over to his house to pick up my belonging he was pollute but told me he didn't love me anymore that he lost feeling but all this time he had been there to tell me how he loved me and would it be possible for him to not love me anymore within an hr ( we broke up before and he said he didn't love me but once I made sure he changed his mind so I let him know that once someone says that I will loose interest ) so he told me you hear what I wanted to hear I don't love u made me think he's saying it to make it easier on him we talked and stayed up hrs talking I then told him if we would talk he said he would try to text me and to met up to get his belongings .. But reading ur article has made me think twice of how I agreed to be " friend " even tho idk if he was lieing .. Please let me know what you think we are both 19
It's OK that you've agreed to be friends. Tell him you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends after some time. And start no contact.
It's OK that you've agreed to be friends. Tell him you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends after some time. And start no contact.
Hi my ex broke up with me 5 mo’s ago, we were together for a little over 2 years, and lived together for a year and half. I’m 37 and he’s 29, he says he felt like a was trying to tie him down. I don’t think I was but that’s the way he perceived it. He says he still wants me in his life but just not in a relationship right now. He wants to be bestfriends However when we do talk he constantly brings up the subject on having kids. Neither of us has any, during our relationship I did bring up the topic a few times but I let it go.he said he wasn’t ready. But even tho were are not together anymore he still continues to bring this subject up. He knows i possibly would like to have one but I don’t bring up it anymore he does,because I’m much older than he is. If he doesn’t want the relationship and just wants me in his life as his “friend” why is he concerned about me having children if he’s not ready to have one with me? He’s more worried about it than I am. However I still love him and want to be with him he says he still has feelings for me and still Cares about but just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me right now so why is he holding on then.
Because he is confused about his feelings and he is still not over you.
About 2 weeks ago I sent him a text letting him know that it wasn't my intentions to make him feel like I was trying to tie him down.. And that I can learn to be friends..however I really don't want to be friends I feel as though I can't really be friends with him at this point because I still have feelings so I started no contact the very next day. Since then he has tried to contact me but I don't respond. Do you think we have a chance or should I just completely move on?
You do have a chance.
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn’t answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn’t ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn’t answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he’s not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was “oh can I come too lol or is it a date?” I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying “no response huh” i really just left it in the air and responded saying I’ll text you in a few… And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day…never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday… So did I ruined it? I can’t tell if he is still interested or not but I’m ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn't answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn't ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn't answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he's not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was "oh can I come too lol or is it a date?" I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying "no response huh" i really just left it in the air and responded saying I'll text you in a few... And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day...never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday... So did I ruined it? I can't tell if he is still interested or not but I'm ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hi Kevin, OK so I need some new insight on my situation. I've been doing NC with my ex for the last 30 days, I blocked my ex from calling or texting my phone, however my ex has made several attempts to get in contact with me thru some of his "other" numbers via different apps on his cell phone, in which I ignored because I knew it was him. So just recently 5days ago to be exact he started texting me from a number that I didn't recognized disguising himself as a new client I'm a hairstylist I didn't think anything of it so I responded. After few text I felt as though it was someone playing around so I blew it off..by then I started receiving calls from the same # over a course of a few days, at first I just blew it off, then I finally said let just answer and see what this person wants.. So when I answered the last call a woman answered and proceeded to put my ex on the phone..let's just say I was at a lost for words, because I never crossed my mind that it was him the whole time..so I chatted with him just to see what he had to say..basically he wanted know why I blocked him and that he thought we were cool also he started asking how my love life was and and all this crap. Saying it seemed like I was happy and all this stuff. He also tried to get me to come see him I kindly declined.. So he said call me if you change your mind..I haven't talk to him since that was 5days ago. I was doing fine detoxing from him and this stunt he pulled put back in the space where I'm missing him again and he's been on my mind a lot again. I still love him and want to be with him. But I can't be friends with him right now. It Was his decision to break up because he didn't want to be tied down. So why is he doing this. Why would he go thru all of that just to get in contact with me?
He is having second thoughts and is afraid of you moving on. He doesn't want you to move on and wants to know that if he wants to get back together, will you be still available? You did good. I'd say you do NC for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with him. However, make sure you've finished the detoxing process before doing so.
He is having second thoughts and is afraid of you moving on. He doesn't want you to move on and wants to know that if he wants to get back together, will you be still available? You did good. I'd say you do NC for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with him. However, make sure you've finished the detoxing process before doing so.
He is having second thoughts and is afraid of you moving on. He doesn't want you to move on and wants to know that if he wants to get back together, will you be still available? You did good. I'd say you do NC for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with him. However, make sure you've finished the detoxing process before doing so.
He is having second thoughts and is afraid of you moving on. He doesn't want you to move on and wants to know that if he wants to get back together, will you be still available? You did good. I'd say you do NC for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with him. However, make sure you've finished the detoxing process before doing so.
He is having second thoughts and is afraid of you moving on. He doesn't want you to move on and wants to know that if he wants to get back together, will you be still available? You did good. I'd say you do NC for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with him. However, make sure you've finished the detoxing process before doing so.
He is having second thoughts and is afraid of you moving on. He doesn't want you to move on and wants to know that if he wants to get back together, will you be still available? You did good. I'd say you do NC for another 2-3 weeks before getting back in touch with him. However, make sure you've finished the detoxing process before doing so.
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn’t answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn’t ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn’t answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he’s not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was “oh can I come too lol or is it a date?” I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying “no response huh” i really just left it in the air and responded saying I’ll text you in a few… And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day…never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday… So did I ruined it? I can’t tell if he is still interested or not but I’m ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn't answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn't ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn't answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he's not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was "oh can I come too lol or is it a date?" I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying "no response huh" i really just left it in the air and responded saying I'll text you in a few... And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day...never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday... So did I ruined it? I can't tell if he is still interested or not but I'm ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hi Kevin, OK so I need some new insight on my situation. I've been doing NC with my ex for the last 30 days, I blocked my ex from calling or texting my phone, however my ex has made several attempts to get in contact with me thru some of his "other" numbers via different apps on his cell phone, in which I ignored because I knew it was him. So just recently 5days ago to be exact he started texting me from a number that I didn't recognized disguising himself as a new client I'm a hairstylist I didn't think anything of it so I responded. After few text I felt as though it was someone playing around so I blew it off..by then I started receiving calls from the same # over a course of a few days, at first I just blew it off, then I finally said let just answer and see what this person wants.. So when I answered the last call a woman answered and proceeded to put my ex on the phone..let's just say I was at a lost for words, because I never crossed my mind that it was him the whole time..so I chatted with him just to see what he had to say..basically he wanted know why I blocked him and that he thought we were cool also he started asking how my love life was and and all this crap. Saying it seemed like I was happy and all this stuff. He also tried to get me to come see him I kindly declined.. So he said call me if you change your mind..I haven't talk to him since that was 5days ago. I was doing fine detoxing from him and this stunt he pulled put back in the space where I'm missing him again and he's been on my mind a lot again. I still love him and want to be with him. But I can't be friends with him right now. It Was his decision to break up because he didn't want to be tied down. So why is he doing this. Why would he go thru all of that just to get in contact with me?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn’t answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn’t ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn’t answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he’s not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was “oh can I come too lol or is it a date?” I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying “no response huh” i really just left it in the air and responded saying I’ll text you in a few… And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day…never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday… So did I ruined it? I can’t tell if he is still interested or not but I’m ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn't answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn't ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn't answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he's not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was "oh can I come too lol or is it a date?" I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying "no response huh" i really just left it in the air and responded saying I'll text you in a few... And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day...never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday... So did I ruined it? I can't tell if he is still interested or not but I'm ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hi Kevin, OK so I need some new insight on my situation. I've been doing NC with my ex for the last 30 days, I blocked my ex from calling or texting my phone, however my ex has made several attempts to get in contact with me thru some of his "other" numbers via different apps on his cell phone, in which I ignored because I knew it was him. So just recently 5days ago to be exact he started texting me from a number that I didn't recognized disguising himself as a new client I'm a hairstylist I didn't think anything of it so I responded. After few text I felt as though it was someone playing around so I blew it off..by then I started receiving calls from the same # over a course of a few days, at first I just blew it off, then I finally said let just answer and see what this person wants.. So when I answered the last call a woman answered and proceeded to put my ex on the phone..let's just say I was at a lost for words, because I never crossed my mind that it was him the whole time..so I chatted with him just to see what he had to say..basically he wanted know why I blocked him and that he thought we were cool also he started asking how my love life was and and all this crap. Saying it seemed like I was happy and all this stuff. He also tried to get me to come see him I kindly declined.. So he said call me if you change your mind..I haven't talk to him since that was 5days ago. I was doing fine detoxing from him and this stunt he pulled put back in the space where I'm missing him again and he's been on my mind a lot again. I still love him and want to be with him. But I can't be friends with him right now. It Was his decision to break up because he didn't want to be tied down. So why is he doing this. Why would he go thru all of that just to get in contact with me?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn’t answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn’t ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn’t answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he’s not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was “oh can I come too lol or is it a date?” I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying “no response huh” i really just left it in the air and responded saying I’ll text you in a few… And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day…never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday… So did I ruined it? I can’t tell if he is still interested or not but I’m ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn't answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn't ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn't answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he's not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was "oh can I come too lol or is it a date?" I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying "no response huh" i really just left it in the air and responded saying I'll text you in a few... And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day...never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday... So did I ruined it? I can't tell if he is still interested or not but I'm ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hi Kevin, OK so I need some new insight on my situation. I've been doing NC with my ex for the last 30 days, I blocked my ex from calling or texting my phone, however my ex has made several attempts to get in contact with me thru some of his "other" numbers via different apps on his cell phone, in which I ignored because I knew it was him. So just recently 5days ago to be exact he started texting me from a number that I didn't recognized disguising himself as a new client I'm a hairstylist I didn't think anything of it so I responded. After few text I felt as though it was someone playing around so I blew it off..by then I started receiving calls from the same # over a course of a few days, at first I just blew it off, then I finally said let just answer and see what this person wants.. So when I answered the last call a woman answered and proceeded to put my ex on the phone..let's just say I was at a lost for words, because I never crossed my mind that it was him the whole time..so I chatted with him just to see what he had to say..basically he wanted know why I blocked him and that he thought we were cool also he started asking how my love life was and and all this crap. Saying it seemed like I was happy and all this stuff. He also tried to get me to come see him I kindly declined.. So he said call me if you change your mind..I haven't talk to him since that was 5days ago. I was doing fine detoxing from him and this stunt he pulled put back in the space where I'm missing him again and he's been on my mind a lot again. I still love him and want to be with him. But I can't be friends with him right now. It Was his decision to break up because he didn't want to be tied down. So why is he doing this. Why would he go thru all of that just to get in contact with me?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn’t answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn’t ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn’t answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he’s not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was “oh can I come too lol or is it a date?” I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying “no response huh” i really just left it in the air and responded saying I’ll text you in a few… And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day…never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday… So did I ruined it? I can’t tell if he is still interested or not but I’m ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hey Kevin, so I completed the extension of the nc..I contacted my ex. Yesterday via text he responded right away, I was trying to play it cool and not seem to eager so I just kept it simple, he initiated the first call but I didn't answer I think I got nervous lol..so then he text saying why did I text him I f wasn't ready to respond.. I was really expecting for him to call..but anyway I couple hours later he text me with a response to a previous text i sent hours earlier I responded and then hecalled again I answered this time so of course he asked why I didn't answer the phone and I just kinda made some thing up. At this point he was trying to act like he just wanted to know the initial reason why I initiated contact with him. So we talked real brief and that was it..my initial thought after we got off the phone was OK he's not interested anymore..5min later he sends me a text asking what was I doing today..I told him i was going to the movies..his exact response was "oh can I come too lol or is it a date?" I kinda just lol back and kinda blew it off.. So he send me another text saying "no response huh" i really just left it in the air and responded saying I'll text you in a few... And I proceeded to enjoy the rest of my day...never called or text back I didnt either.. That was yesterday... So did I ruined it? I can't tell if he is still interested or not but I'm ready to be friends again and possibly rekindle what we had. Do we have a chance, what do I do now?
Hi Kevin, OK so I need some new insight on my situation. I've been doing NC with my ex for the last 30 days, I blocked my ex from calling or texting my phone, however my ex has made several attempts to get in contact with me thru some of his "other" numbers via different apps on his cell phone, in which I ignored because I knew it was him. So just recently 5days ago to be exact he started texting me from a number that I didn't recognized disguising himself as a new client I'm a hairstylist I didn't think anything of it so I responded. After few text I felt as though it was someone playing around so I blew it off..by then I started receiving calls from the same # over a course of a few days, at first I just blew it off, then I finally said let just answer and see what this person wants.. So when I answered the last call a woman answered and proceeded to put my ex on the phone..let's just say I was at a lost for words, because I never crossed my mind that it was him the whole time..so I chatted with him just to see what he had to say..basically he wanted know why I blocked him and that he thought we were cool also he started asking how my love life was and and all this crap. Saying it seemed like I was happy and all this stuff. He also tried to get me to come see him I kindly declined.. So he said call me if you change your mind..I haven't talk to him since that was 5days ago. I was doing fine detoxing from him and this stunt he pulled put back in the space where I'm missing him again and he's been on my mind a lot again. I still love him and want to be with him. But I can't be friends with him right now. It Was his decision to break up because he didn't want to be tied down. So why is he doing this. Why would he go thru all of that just to get in contact with me?
You do have a chance.
You do have a chance.
You do have a chance.
About 2 weeks ago I sent him a text letting him know that it wasn't my intentions to make him feel like I was trying to tie him down.. And that I can learn to be friends..however I really don't want to be friends I feel as though I can't really be friends with him at this point because I still have feelings so I started no contact the very next day. Since then he has tried to contact me but I don't respond. Do you think we have a chance or should I just completely move on?
About 2 weeks ago I sent him a text letting him know that it wasn't my intentions to make him feel like I was trying to tie him down.. And that I can learn to be friends..however I really don't want to be friends I feel as though I can't really be friends with him at this point because I still have feelings so I started no contact the very next day. Since then he has tried to contact me but I don't respond. Do you think we have a chance or should I just completely move on?
Because he is confused about his feelings and he is still not over you.
Ok, first off, you have a really wonderful thing going on here. I actually REALLY appreciate your emails Mr. Kevin. You are super helpful THANK YOU! I hope anyone that has this issue sees your website early on......
......for my problem is, I did not find your website and apply any of your advice nor the stuff from Relationship Rewind until later. In the 30 days since she left me, I contacted her too much, and without response. I stopped a while ago, but it all just seems so hopeless. We were going out for over a year.
Everyday better than the last. Our few arguments were settled almost as soon as they ended. I had never had such amazing communication with anyone in my life like her. We knew each other's family which both loved us, we spoke of marriage and children with a relaxed mindset. We were always best friends first. What I had going with this woman was as good as I'd ever felt it before, honest, respectful, understanding, etc...all the best things a relationship can have seriously, and I had dated a sociopath before so I def know the difference.
Anyway, long story short, purely blissful relationship, best friends, she even lived with me, then I got worried one night because she said she'd call me in 30 minutes, and it took almost 8 hours until she did call. I texted her tons and called a bunch, and I told her to please don't do that to me. She doesn't have that many friends and had started hanging out with an immature girl at this time, and ever since she did, my lady started to act differently. The next day I saw her at her job, I brought her a flower and said sorry I freaked out. She was happy and loved me just as much as always. Yet literally the next day, she ended it through IM, yeah, IM, without any reason, hence why I'd been contacting her because I at least wanted to know why, when everything was so awesome, and Relationship Rewind says to at least figure out the reason why as to proceed accordingly with the next steps. I feel blocked.
I just can't seem to wrap my brain around the reason being because I got worried that one night. I feel like anyone would do that if a loved one said 30min and it turned into 8hrs. So even if it was the reason, with all the positivity we built in our relationship, I don't see how one thing so minor could weigh against so many great things. She literally vanished, leaving her entire wardrobe and almost everything she owns in suitcases at my house and remained living with her snide rich girlfriend. I had also been contacting her to figure out what to do with all of her stuff, without response.
It's been over 2 months now, and the only response I ever received, 2 weeks ago, sounded like something her immature friend would write, stating things that were clearly lies, i.e. "I never had deep feelings for you, we were going in different directions, we wouldn't have worked anyway, etc..." But to me, that sounds just like confusion, because the words written were not the woman I knew so well and none of it matched up with whom I had gotten to know so deeply. It's almost as if she's been manipulated in some way by her new social acceptance. The things said would have never came from my lady's mind. She is overly-passive to deal with it the way she did, I know that, and I second guess if I want to be with someone that won't open up when it is most vital to, but the thing is, the last time we saw each other and ever since we met, there was nothing but love and goodness.
I knew of her passivity and she even told me she wanted my help to be more assertive. I feel like if she actually sees me face-to-face the attraction and love will flood back to her. Every time we saw one another it was instant spark and smiles. I feel she knows this and for whatever reason, is why she is avoiding and ignoring, and well, her "friend", is not helping the logic of our care either. I just don't know why she is rejecting the idea to actually see one another, let alone communicate like we were always so good with.
I feel I have made things worse with so many emails, although they all just describe bliss moments, how I've worked on myself for the things I thought might be the issue, and how if we can just speak, something like this will just make us stronger, or at least we can just part ways responsibly(and she can also get her things back which I want her to have of course). I then emailed after her response, how I had no idea she felt those ways, but I respect her decision because I always respected her, and so how do I get you your stuff back and can we resolve this or at least mend it into a friendship of some kind>? No response to that. It's been almost 2 weeks since I contacted and I am still going with your advice, but so did I already ruin it because I contacted before? Where do I go from here? I still have all of her things.
I was thinking I just drop them off at a mutual friend's house I know she'll go. But I just don't get it. Doth the chance & possibility worth not this risk? Is this not the truest definition of love to overcome obstacles & reinforce passions in a partnership or even in just life for one’s individual path? I feel my problem may be a bit different from the norm, because of her passivity. After researching passivity, I've learned that passive people, once they've ran to avoid their assumed negative confrontation, will with the more time that goes by, distance themselves even more and find confirmation in their own distorted decision it was correct by doing so.
I feel she is lost and confused, it is sad, but it has turned me into a depressed mess. This all came from out of the blue and with her passivity, I don't know what to do. I've dealt with heartbreak before, I know the steps, but I never had to use them because it was always mutual separation. This one is different, I never had love like hers before with anyone, and I know she felt the same. I do want to fight for her, she is worth it, it was so rare and unique what we shared, so I feel it is only right that it is fought for and to somehow get a face-to-face interaction with her, but what do I do? I feel I am at death's door, but with passivity as the lock, I don't know how to open it, even after 30 days, or even longer. I have now applied the no contact rule, but does it even matter to?
Hey,
I think your best bet is to continue no contact for another two weeks (preferably four weeks) then send her the letter either mentioned in the 5 step plan, or in the death's door section of relationship rewind.
Hey,
I think your best bet is to continue no contact for another two weeks (preferably four weeks) then send her the letter either mentioned in the 5 step plan, or in the death's door section of relationship rewind.
Does the plan and all the same rules apply if we were in a long distance relationship?? Please answer...I'm 3 days into NC. :( this sucks
Yes it does.
Yes it does.
Hi Kevin,
I had left a comment but have not seen it show up
Hey Julio,
I can't find your comment. Is it possible for you to post it again? Please read the comment guidelines before posting.
Hey Julio,
I can't find your comment. Is it possible for you to post it again? Please read the comment guidelines before posting.
On the date with the ex. how many should I go on and what signs should I look for to bring up the fact that I still have feelings for her? and to talk about getting back together?
Hey Kevin,
Here I am for the 3rd time lol. My ex called me tonight telling me that he misses me and realizes that we had a lot together and had a lot of fun times together and misses it. We talked about some other personal things that we miss about each other. I opened up telling him how hard this has been on me and it was so nice to hear from him. He proceeded to tell me about all the things he misses between us. Long story short he said that we wouldn't get back together right now but who knows maybe sometime we will or maybe night. Am I dumb for opening up so quickly and secondly do you think I have a chance of this working out and us getting back together?
You shouldn't have opened up so soon, but it didn't do much damage. You still have a pretty good chance.
You shouldn't have opened up so soon, but it didn't do much damage. You still have a pretty good chance.
Hey Kevin. I had left a comment here, I can't find it
Hey Rohit,
I can't find your comment either. Can you post it again. Please read the comment guidelines before posting the comment.
Hey Rohit,
I can't find your comment either. Can you post it again. Please read the comment guidelines before posting the comment.
Me (20yrs) and my girlfriend (20yrs) broke up not too long ago. We were in a solid relationship for 6 years, everything was perfect until recently we had our first argument over the concept of marriage and then she text me saying she wants a break and that she feels she has put more effort into this relationship. That she loves me but doesn't feel I love her. We met up to talk about it in a weeks time and I told her I love her and wanted a future and why did she hide this for 6 years from me if she felt a certain way. Story short it came to an end (but on good terms). She said she will always love me.
She still wants to be best friends and we have been texting the last 3 days like nothing has happened, it's so weird. She has started all the conversations and keeps being nice and offering me things and sayings she always here for me. It's confusing.
I feel things can really work and become stronger, but I think she thinks I'm now trying to win her back but I've always loved her.
Any advice ?
Hey Gus,
Tell her you need time to deal with the breakup and start no contact. Follow the plan.
Hey Gus,
Tell her you need time to deal with the breakup and start no contact. Follow the plan.
Hi Kevin,
This is an update on the conversation we had earlier. So I ate lunch with my ex like 4 days ago and before that I haven't seen her for about 25 days or so. During that time, I've been feeling down but better than when she first left me. I didn't want to ignore her completely so I've sent her some FB messages during those days. When we met, we mainly talked about what classes she'll be taking in the fall and how she was doing in her classes.
I tried to sign up a class with her because it seems like our relationship ended partly because I didn't do things with her, but she said she doesn't know and when I asked why she would give me some excuse. She also didn't really tell me about going out with another guy. Before she went back to her apartment, I've asked her if she was in a relationship with someone, she said no. I told her that I saw her holding hands with another guy and asked if she liked him. She said she doesn't know if she does and asked why was I spying. I just told her that her class was really close to mine so I happened to see her holding hands with him as I walked by. Anyways, she said that he likes to hold her hand so.. apparently she let him? (it seems unreasonable for her to let someone hold her hand without being in a relationship..) S
he also said he would drive her back to her apartment. While we were waiting for the bus, I was able to put my arm around her waist (because I missed her a lot), but it may have put her in an awkward situation because she thought it was weird for me to walk her to the bus stop. I wasn't really prepared for this meet up (I wasn't looking my best or much different than the when we first broke up), I was just excited to see her when she let me eat lunch with her this time while she was at school. I know you said to change myself and be attractive to start a new relationship with her, but I might not have given enough spark.
It's still really hard to get this opportunity to hangout with her again because right now, every time I would try and start a conversation, she would still be indifferent to me. She was also wearing the jacket I gave her which was surprising because she wouldn't normal wear it and this meeting wasn't planned. Earlier today, I saw them holding hands again so I'm just confused how she feels about me. It seems like she is still "hiding" their relationship.. I still care about and love her very much. I don't know how to first create this friendship while she is still feeling indifferent about me. Do I still have a chance of getting back with her, what should I do?
She said she has forgotten about why she left me and when I asked why couldn't she give me another chance, she would just say she has given me lots of chances already. I've also tried some tactics of Ryan's Relationship Rewind, I believe I'm in the drift stage and she was the one who left me. If I'm unable to make this friendship work, I don't think I will have a chance of being with her in the future. Also, I'm afraid that she would get annoyed when I keep talking about her GSI. Ryan's guide doesn't tell me how often I should or should not contact her while in drift and is against NC.. so I'm not sure what I should do..
Hey Edward,
I think you are in the drift stage as well. But even though Relationship rewind advises against it, I'll recommend you do a little bit of no contact. The reason you were unable to establish friendship is because you were giving out needy vibes when you met her and it probably made her put up her defenses. You need to back off a little bit and work on becoming more confident.
Hey Kevin,
I've talked to my ex on FB before you told me to apply a little no contact.. we never had a real break up talk and she is more comfortable talking about it online rather than face to face. It was difficult for me to find out the reason when I did meet her. So I've talked to her through FB IM and was basically saying what I've realized that I did wrong, and why doesn't our relationship deserve another chance. She said she doesnt want to be in a relationship.. and that I wasn't doing anything useful with my life. She said she felt like she was dating a child and that it embarrassed her. I told her, "why wouldn't you let me have another chance if i have realized what i did wrong". She said... "because that's not how life works, if i don't feel like it, then don't force me to, if you just want to care about each other, we can do that as friends, but i don't think i can be partners with you anymore" It hurts me that she said that.. but in the end I basically followed Ryan's Relationship tactics on how to establish a friendship with her when she suggested it. It seemed like she accepted it, but you're telling me to apply a bit of no contact, how long should I wait before asking her to hangout? When will I know if it is time to bring our friendship into the next level, do I still have a chance even though she said that she doesn't think we can be partners anymore? When I did ask her about if she was having a relationship with the other person, she ignored it..why?
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and comments. Although she says that we could just be friends, it still seems like her priorities for school is more than me. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be focusing in school, but she doesn't seem like she wants to hangout with me or at least not yet.. She is seeing someone and her priorities for hanging out with him is most likely more than mine. So as a friend, how can I ask her to hangout (without annoying her) if every time I ask she would tell me that she is busy and doing homework? It just seems like I am always the one starting conversations and it makes it seem like I am trying to get her back. She probably still has these negative thoughts of me and is saying to herself that it won't work between us. The only thing I can do is to apply no contact and work on myself to become more attractive than ever, but I worry about whether or not she will forget what we had together. Ryan mentions about taking action before her memories grow with the other guy and that she will forget the memories with me. When is it a good time to contact with her if I never know when she is free whether with school or with the other guy while I am applying a bit of no contact?
If she is cold, then the best thing to do is no contact. I can't say when is it a good time to contact her. But if you use texts and you are messaging after no contact, it really doesn't matter. She can reply whenever she is free.
If she is cold, then the best thing to do is no contact. I can't say when is it a good time to contact her. But if you use texts and you are messaging after no contact, it really doesn't matter. She can reply whenever she is free.
If she is cold, then the best thing to do is no contact. I can't say when is it a good time to contact her. But if you use texts and you are messaging after no contact, it really doesn't matter. She can reply whenever she is free.
If she is cold, then the best thing to do is no contact. I can't say when is it a good time to contact her. But if you use texts and you are messaging after no contact, it really doesn't matter. She can reply whenever she is free.
If she is cold, then the best thing to do is no contact. I can't say when is it a good time to contact her. But if you use texts and you are messaging after no contact, it really doesn't matter. She can reply whenever she is free.
If she is cold, then the best thing to do is no contact. I can't say when is it a good time to contact her. But if you use texts and you are messaging after no contact, it really doesn't matter. She can reply whenever she is free.
Hey Edward,
The reason I suggest no contact is because it'll help you think clearly, regain composure, and decide whether or not you want her back. If you think you don't need all that, then you can go ahead without the no contact rule.
I can't say why she ignored it. Maybe she is seeing someone, or maybe she wanted to see your reaction if she ignores it. If you were still needy, desperate, you would've probably freaked out and tried to prey it out of her. Regardless, don't obsess over it. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't change your strategy.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and comments. Although she says that we could just be friends, it still seems like her priorities for school is more than me. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be focusing in school, but she doesn't seem like she wants to hangout with me or at least not yet.. She is seeing someone and her priorities for hanging out with him is most likely more than mine. So as a friend, how can I ask her to hangout (without annoying her) if every time I ask she would tell me that she is busy and doing homework? It just seems like I am always the one starting conversations and it makes it seem like I am trying to get her back. She probably still has these negative thoughts of me and is saying to herself that it won't work between us. The only thing I can do is to apply no contact and work on myself to become more attractive than ever, but I worry about whether or not she will forget what we had together. Ryan mentions about taking action before her memories grow with the other guy and that she will forget the memories with me. When is it a good time to contact with her if I never know when she is free whether with school or with the other guy while I am applying a bit of no contact?
Hey Edward,
The reason I suggest no contact is because it'll help you think clearly, regain composure, and decide whether or not you want her back. If you think you don't need all that, then you can go ahead without the no contact rule.
I can't say why she ignored it. Maybe she is seeing someone, or maybe she wanted to see your reaction if she ignores it. If you were still needy, desperate, you would've probably freaked out and tried to prey it out of her. Regardless, don't obsess over it. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't change your strategy.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and comments. Although she says that we could just be friends, it still seems like her priorities for school is more than me. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be focusing in school, but she doesn't seem like she wants to hangout with me or at least not yet.. She is seeing someone and her priorities for hanging out with him is most likely more than mine. So as a friend, how can I ask her to hangout (without annoying her) if every time I ask she would tell me that she is busy and doing homework? It just seems like I am always the one starting conversations and it makes it seem like I am trying to get her back. She probably still has these negative thoughts of me and is saying to herself that it won't work between us. The only thing I can do is to apply no contact and work on myself to become more attractive than ever, but I worry about whether or not she will forget what we had together. Ryan mentions about taking action before her memories grow with the other guy and that she will forget the memories with me. When is it a good time to contact with her if I never know when she is free whether with school or with the other guy while I am applying a bit of no contact?
Hey Edward,
The reason I suggest no contact is because it'll help you think clearly, regain composure, and decide whether or not you want her back. If you think you don't need all that, then you can go ahead without the no contact rule.
I can't say why she ignored it. Maybe she is seeing someone, or maybe she wanted to see your reaction if she ignores it. If you were still needy, desperate, you would've probably freaked out and tried to prey it out of her. Regardless, don't obsess over it. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't change your strategy.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and comments. Although she says that we could just be friends, it still seems like her priorities for school is more than me. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be focusing in school, but she doesn't seem like she wants to hangout with me or at least not yet.. She is seeing someone and her priorities for hanging out with him is most likely more than mine. So as a friend, how can I ask her to hangout (without annoying her) if every time I ask she would tell me that she is busy and doing homework? It just seems like I am always the one starting conversations and it makes it seem like I am trying to get her back. She probably still has these negative thoughts of me and is saying to herself that it won't work between us. The only thing I can do is to apply no contact and work on myself to become more attractive than ever, but I worry about whether or not she will forget what we had together. Ryan mentions about taking action before her memories grow with the other guy and that she will forget the memories with me. When is it a good time to contact with her if I never know when she is free whether with school or with the other guy while I am applying a bit of no contact?
Hey Edward,
The reason I suggest no contact is because it'll help you think clearly, regain composure, and decide whether or not you want her back. If you think you don't need all that, then you can go ahead without the no contact rule.
I can't say why she ignored it. Maybe she is seeing someone, or maybe she wanted to see your reaction if she ignores it. If you were still needy, desperate, you would've probably freaked out and tried to prey it out of her. Regardless, don't obsess over it. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't change your strategy.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply and comments. Although she says that we could just be friends, it still seems like her priorities for school is more than me. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be focusing in school, but she doesn't seem like she wants to hangout with me or at least not yet.. She is seeing someone and her priorities for hanging out with him is most likely more than mine. So as a friend, how can I ask her to hangout (without annoying her) if every time I ask she would tell me that she is busy and doing homework? It just seems like I am always the one starting conversations and it makes it seem like I am trying to get her back. She probably still has these negative thoughts of me and is saying to herself that it won't work between us. The only thing I can do is to apply no contact and work on myself to become more attractive than ever, but I worry about whether or not she will forget what we had together. Ryan mentions about taking action before her memories grow with the other guy and that she will forget the memories with me. When is it a good time to contact with her if I never know when she is free whether with school or with the other guy while I am applying a bit of no contact?
Hey Edward,
The reason I suggest no contact is because it'll help you think clearly, regain composure, and decide whether or not you want her back. If you think you don't need all that, then you can go ahead without the no contact rule.
I can't say why she ignored it. Maybe she is seeing someone, or maybe she wanted to see your reaction if she ignores it. If you were still needy, desperate, you would've probably freaked out and tried to prey it out of her. Regardless, don't obsess over it. Even if she is seeing someone, it doesn't change your strategy.
Hey Kevin,
I've talked to my ex on FB before you told me to apply a little no contact.. we never had a real break up talk and she is more comfortable talking about it online rather than face to face. It was difficult for me to find out the reason when I did meet her. So I've talked to her through FB IM and was basically saying what I've realized that I did wrong, and why doesn't our relationship deserve another chance. She said she doesnt want to be in a relationship.. and that I wasn't doing anything useful with my life. She said she felt like she was dating a child and that it embarrassed her. I told her, "why wouldn't you let me have another chance if i have realized what i did wrong". She said... "because that's not how life works, if i don't feel like it, then don't force me to, if you just want to care about each other, we can do that as friends, but i don't think i can be partners with you anymore" It hurts me that she said that.. but in the end I basically followed Ryan's Relationship tactics on how to establish a friendship with her when she suggested it. It seemed like she accepted it, but you're telling me to apply a bit of no contact, how long should I wait before asking her to hangout? When will I know if it is time to bring our friendship into the next level, do I still have a chance even though she said that she doesn't think we can be partners anymore? When I did ask her about if she was having a relationship with the other person, she ignored it..why?
Hey Kevin,
I've talked to my ex on FB before you told me to apply a little no contact.. we never had a real break up talk and she is more comfortable talking about it online rather than face to face. It was difficult for me to find out the reason when I did meet her. So I've talked to her through FB IM and was basically saying what I've realized that I did wrong, and why doesn't our relationship deserve another chance. She said she doesnt want to be in a relationship.. and that I wasn't doing anything useful with my life. She said she felt like she was dating a child and that it embarrassed her. I told her, "why wouldn't you let me have another chance if i have realized what i did wrong". She said... "because that's not how life works, if i don't feel like it, then don't force me to, if you just want to care about each other, we can do that as friends, but i don't think i can be partners with you anymore" It hurts me that she said that.. but in the end I basically followed Ryan's Relationship tactics on how to establish a friendship with her when she suggested it. It seemed like she accepted it, but you're telling me to apply a bit of no contact, how long should I wait before asking her to hangout? When will I know if it is time to bring our friendship into the next level, do I still have a chance even though she said that she doesn't think we can be partners anymore? When I did ask her about if she was having a relationship with the other person, she ignored it..why?
Hey Kevin,
I've talked to my ex on FB before you told me to apply a little no contact.. we never had a real break up talk and she is more comfortable talking about it online rather than face to face. It was difficult for me to find out the reason when I did meet her. So I've talked to her through FB IM and was basically saying what I've realized that I did wrong, and why doesn't our relationship deserve another chance. She said she doesnt want to be in a relationship.. and that I wasn't doing anything useful with my life. She said she felt like she was dating a child and that it embarrassed her. I told her, "why wouldn't you let me have another chance if i have realized what i did wrong". She said... "because that's not how life works, if i don't feel like it, then don't force me to, if you just want to care about each other, we can do that as friends, but i don't think i can be partners with you anymore" It hurts me that she said that.. but in the end I basically followed Ryan's Relationship tactics on how to establish a friendship with her when she suggested it. It seemed like she accepted it, but you're telling me to apply a bit of no contact, how long should I wait before asking her to hangout? When will I know if it is time to bring our friendship into the next level, do I still have a chance even though she said that she doesn't think we can be partners anymore? When I did ask her about if she was having a relationship with the other person, she ignored it..why?
Hey Edward,
I think you are in the drift stage as well. But even though Relationship rewind advises against it, I'll recommend you do a little bit of no contact. The reason you were unable to establish friendship is because you were giving out needy vibes when you met her and it probably made her put up her defenses. You need to back off a little bit and work on becoming more confident.
Hey Edward,
I think you are in the drift stage as well. But even though Relationship rewind advises against it, I'll recommend you do a little bit of no contact. The reason you were unable to establish friendship is because you were giving out needy vibes when you met her and it probably made her put up her defenses. You need to back off a little bit and work on becoming more confident.
She said she has forgotten about why she left me and when I asked why couldn't she give me another chance, she would just say she has given me lots of chances already. I've also tried some tactics of Ryan's Relationship Rewind, I believe I'm in the drift stage and she was the one who left me. If I'm unable to make this friendship work, I don't think I will have a chance of being with her in the future. Also, I'm afraid that she would get annoyed when I keep talking about her GSI. Ryan's guide doesn't tell me how often I should or should not contact her while in drift and is against NC.. so I'm not sure what I should do..
hi kevin,
two months ago, me and my boyfriend for five years broke up. he left me for another girl. we were in a long distance relationship and we barely saw each other in person. our relationship was more on calling and texting. although he tried to see me, i was the one who refused to meet with him because i don't want him to see me. this is because im a fat girl and i am very insecure and i was afraid that he might not like what he will see. then suddenly his workmate (a girl) started to flirt with him and he was not able to resist it and he gave in. they became a couple while we were still together, they had sex and everything. when i found out he told me that all he wanted was someone who is always there not like our relationship. and then i asked him if he loves the girl, then he told me that he does. but there was a time after the break up that he was sweet to me again and we were acting like we were a couple ( which i know is wrong) but i love the guy what can i do. anyway after a few weeks, we met face to face. i saw that he was very happy to see me and he was acting sweet. but i was very sad and i told him about what he did and he became mad. and then he went crying telling me that he missed me so much. we kissed after that and he hugged me real tight. after what happened he had to ride the bus home and never contacted me until the day after that. he became cold and he wasn't that sweet. he told me that he was like that because he had problems with his new girlfriend. i was so devastated but i continued to contact him. and then one day i was calling him, he told me that the girl was there. and they had a fight because i called. he said a lot of hurtful things to me like he doesnt want me anymore, that he is already fed up and many more. after that i apologized but then he told me that we should just be civil with each other. he told me that he loves his new girlfriend very much and she is the one whom he sees in his future as his wife. now i do not know what to do. i really love him so much. is there still a chance that we'll get back together? or should i just move on? hoping to hear from you soon. i'm desperate =(
Hey liah,
I do think there's a chance if you follow the 5 step plan, despite what he said. However, I'll recommend you try only once and if it doesn't work, you concentrate on moving on.
hi,
my ex texted me today (may 11). it's supposed to be a special day for us because we always celebrate our relationship during the 11th day of every month. it's my 5th day of the NC. all he texted was a smiley (^_^). i'm still following your 5 step plan. i did not respond. but i cannot remove the thought in my head that he might forget about me since he is already in a relationship. will this still work? =( by the way the girl is married and has a child.
He will not forget about you so soon. Continue with the plan. All the best.
hi again,
i have to be honest. i havent been really strict on the no contact. yes, i did not contact him for a week now and i haven't been answering his texts too. but i have been checking his facebook account (i know his password and he gave it to me when we were still together). i know it's wrong but it's my only connection to him =(. desperate people can do silly things right? =(. anyway as i was trying to log his profile again, i found out that he already changed his password. does this mean that he is over me and does not want me anymore in his life? help me please. =(
No, it doesn't mean that.
No, it doesn't mean that.
No, it doesn't mean that.
No, it doesn't mean that.
No, it doesn't mean that.
No, it doesn't mean that.
hi kevin,
he texted me again to day... same smily face.. twice =(. still following the plan though... thank you for helping... i hope this will work. i really love him so much =(
hi again,
i have to be honest. i havent been really strict on the no contact. yes, i did not contact him for a week now and i haven't been answering his texts too. but i have been checking his facebook account (i know his password and he gave it to me when we were still together). i know it's wrong but it's my only connection to him =(. desperate people can do silly things right? =(. anyway as i was trying to log his profile again, i found out that he already changed his password. does this mean that he is over me and does not want me anymore in his life? help me please. =(
hi kevin,
he texted me again to day... same smily face.. twice =(. still following the plan though... thank you for helping... i hope this will work. i really love him so much =(
hi again,
i have to be honest. i havent been really strict on the no contact. yes, i did not contact him for a week now and i haven't been answering his texts too. but i have been checking his facebook account (i know his password and he gave it to me when we were still together). i know it's wrong but it's my only connection to him =(. desperate people can do silly things right? =(. anyway as i was trying to log his profile again, i found out that he already changed his password. does this mean that he is over me and does not want me anymore in his life? help me please. =(
hi kevin,
he texted me again to day... same smily face.. twice =(. still following the plan though... thank you for helping... i hope this will work. i really love him so much =(
hi again,
i have to be honest. i havent been really strict on the no contact. yes, i did not contact him for a week now and i haven't been answering his texts too. but i have been checking his facebook account (i know his password and he gave it to me when we were still together). i know it's wrong but it's my only connection to him =(. desperate people can do silly things right? =(. anyway as i was trying to log his profile again, i found out that he already changed his password. does this mean that he is over me and does not want me anymore in his life? help me please. =(
hi kevin,
he texted me again to day... same smily face.. twice =(. still following the plan though... thank you for helping... i hope this will work. i really love him so much =(
hi again,
i have to be honest. i havent been really strict on the no contact. yes, i did not contact him for a week now and i haven't been answering his texts too. but i have been checking his facebook account (i know his password and he gave it to me when we were still together). i know it's wrong but it's my only connection to him =(. desperate people can do silly things right? =(. anyway as i was trying to log his profile again, i found out that he already changed his password. does this mean that he is over me and does not want me anymore in his life? help me please. =(
hi kevin,
he texted me again to day... same smily face.. twice =(. still following the plan though... thank you for helping... i hope this will work. i really love him so much =(
He will not forget about you so soon. Continue with the plan. All the best.
He will not forget about you so soon. Continue with the plan. All the best.
He will not forget about you so soon. Continue with the plan. All the best.
hi,
my ex texted me today (may 11). it's supposed to be a special day for us because we always celebrate our relationship during the 11th day of every month. it's my 5th day of the NC. all he texted was a smiley (^_^). i'm still following your 5 step plan. i did not respond. but i cannot remove the thought in my head that he might forget about me since he is already in a relationship. will this still work? =( by the way the girl is married and has a child.
hi,
my ex texted me today (may 11). it's supposed to be a special day for us because we always celebrate our relationship during the 11th day of every month. it's my 5th day of the NC. all he texted was a smiley (^_^). i'm still following your 5 step plan. i did not respond. but i cannot remove the thought in my head that he might forget about me since he is already in a relationship. will this still work? =( by the way the girl is married and has a child.
Hey liah,
I do think there's a chance if you follow the 5 step plan, despite what he said. However, I'll recommend you try only once and if it doesn't work, you concentrate on moving on.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 4 months and we get on really well. We can talk at ease with one another and have a lot of similarities (we both work in construction and enjoy the outdoors just to name a couple)
Sadly, he ended it on Monday because he said he is in a confused state and isn't sure if he wants a relationship or not, and that he finds it unfair that I like him more than he does me. He insists that he still has feelings for me which makes it hard for me to understand why he ended it. The few people who know are all very shocked and want us back together as they never saw us unhappy, even though we all know it would be hard as he is going back to university and he is currently trying to catch up on some work.
It's Friday and since Monday we have spoken every day (which I now know is a no-no). He asked me to ring him Tuesday after a conversation with a potential job offer and he tried to ring me Wednesday as soon as he finished work (which I ignored as I was out).
Last night I went to see my friend from work (male) and after I got back my ex facetimed/skyped me at the time we arranged (me and my ex were talking for about an hour). He was very jealous over me seeing my friend and refused to asked how my mate is.
I mentioned that I am busy the next couple of days and going out with my mates clubbing, over which he was quite upset.
I am seeing him Sunday as he asked if I fancy a coffee with him (this was Monday) and then he confirmed that we are still having this coffee during the chat last night. He also hasn't told anyone that we are not together anymore apart from family and was upset that I mentioned it to my best mate.
I find he sending out a lot of mixed signals and it's confusing me in a very stressful time for me as well as him (work for him isn't great at the moment and he is also behind on university work).
FYI I never pushed him into the relationship, he started talking to me about 5 months ago at work and did all the leg work, so at one point he did like me more. We argued but we always resolved the issue and never let the relationship interfere with work. He was always willing to see me through out the relationship and also very honest and loyal about everything.
Therefore I am unsure of whether to do the no contact rule?
Bearing in mind, I have another 2 job interviews which he wants to know about next week.
Hey Natalia,
It seems he is chasing you and he doesn't want you to get over him. It seems there is no need for no contact since you are already in good terms he is showing signs that he wants to get back together. However, I believe you can still benefit form no contact since it will give both of you some time to figure out what you want. If you think you can benefit from some time and space, then tell him so and start no contact.
Hi Kevin,
I started the no contact rule Sunday as he cancelled the coffee (told me Saturday night when I was with my friends) as he was helping his parents decorate. I have noticed that he keeps looking at all my public snapchats so I am feeling this means I am on his mind?
But because I have interviews this week during no contact I know he will text or call to ask how they went. Should I reply?
And thank you for the reply in the previous post, I was very helpful
It was very helptul*
It was very helptul*
It was very helptul*
It was very helptul*
Hi Kevin,
I started the no contact rule Sunday as he cancelled the coffee (told me Saturday night when I was with my friends) as he was helping his parents decorate. I have noticed that he keeps looking at all my public snapchats so I am feeling this means I am on his mind?
But because I have interviews this week during no contact I know he will text or call to ask how they went. Should I reply?
And thank you for the reply in the previous post, I was very helpful
Hi Kevin,
I started the no contact rule Sunday as he cancelled the coffee (told me Saturday night when I was with my friends) as he was helping his parents decorate. I have noticed that he keeps looking at all my public snapchats so I am feeling this means I am on his mind?
But because I have interviews this week during no contact I know he will text or call to ask how they went. Should I reply?
And thank you for the reply in the previous post, I was very helpful
Hey Natalia,
It seems he is chasing you and he doesn't want you to get over him. It seems there is no need for no contact since you are already in good terms he is showing signs that he wants to get back together. However, I believe you can still benefit form no contact since it will give both of you some time to figure out what you want. If you think you can benefit from some time and space, then tell him so and start no contact.
Hi kevin, me and my gf of 4 years broke up about 2 weeks ago and when we broke up she said she needed to just be single for awhile and just do her but then said that we can still talk and text so thats what I did. I call her and we talk and we text but she really never does either one and she tells me she still loves and cares about me but she never calls or text me I have to do all the work. Im 22 years old shes 24 and ive dated this girl twice once in 7th grade and once after highschool until 2 weeks ago,I dated 1 time in between but realized I wanted the girl from middle school. She has a job but never has any money cause her parents spend it all on god knows what. Well in the last 2 weeks shes gone out and got a tattoo and is going to strip clubs and partying and it bothers me cause she never would have done any of this before. Idk what to do I want her back but her mom and all the people shes around now hate me which btw makes it really hard for me to call or text her and ive done all the mistakes ive told her I missed her and I cant live without her and I even disappeard for a couple days and she still never calls or texts but when I do she answers and when we talk we talk like always but when she cant talk to me aka shes around everyone else she barely sends me 2 or 3 word texts just ok or idk. So what do I do
hello, my ex boyfriend dumped me after 4 years, i started a nocontact for 2 weeks then he contacted me, he told me that he ws with someone else but still in love with me, and he wanted me back. we were back for one week! then he told me that he is always with tath girl and he wants to break up with me! I don't know anymore what to do! I think it is not anymore a rebound relationship maybe he is serious with her! do you think i have to move on? ps: i'm in no contact for 3 weeks now
I think it's still a rebound relationship. If he decides he wants you again, don't be so quick in taking him back. Let him fight for you and prove that the really means it.
I think it's still a rebound relationship. If he decides he wants you again, don't be so quick in taking him back. Let him fight for you and prove that the really means it.
Ok I lost my comment now
It's here.
It's here.
Hey Kevin,
So I've been doing NC since May 4th, and she texted me last night saying hi. But that's about it. And I know I shouldn't have done this, but I checked Facebook and she and that other guy are both commenting each other in comments and putting smile faces and all that other stuff. Like this morning she tagged his name and said good morning...I am really afraid that they're feelings might be getting stronger. Right now I plan on doing NC until June 6 or something cause there are things I want to improve about myself. But I don't want her to end up with someone else. Please help Kevin. Thanks.
You are doing the right thing. Her behavior is typical of a rebound relationship. Don't worry about it.
Hey Kevin,
So I'm just curious (and yes I've read the article) how would I contact my ex again after NC? I can only do it in a text, and I know to keep it relatively short so as to keep her guessing, and I know not to talk about my emotions or the past relationship. But I mean, for the first text, how would I approach it so as not to say anything wrong? Thanks for all the help Kevin, you've helped me a lot.
Use the "something reminded me of you" text in the article.
Use the "something reminded me of you" text in the article.
Use the "something reminded me of you" text in the article.
Use the "something reminded me of you" text in the article.
Hey Kevin,
So I'm just curious (and yes I've read the article) how would I contact my ex again after NC? I can only do it in a text, and I know to keep it relatively short so as to keep her guessing, and I know not to talk about my emotions or the past relationship. But I mean, for the first text, how would I approach it so as not to say anything wrong? Thanks for all the help Kevin, you've helped me a lot.
Hey Kevin,
So I'm just curious (and yes I've read the article) how would I contact my ex again after NC? I can only do it in a text, and I know to keep it relatively short so as to keep her guessing, and I know not to talk about my emotions or the past relationship. But I mean, for the first text, how would I approach it so as not to say anything wrong? Thanks for all the help Kevin, you've helped me a lot.
Now she sent me a message saying, I guess you won't talk to me, but okay. It seems like she's pissed and depressed that I'm not communicating with her. But I'm still doing NC. But I really want advice. I don't want her with anyone else. I love her a lot. I just don't know what to do..much appreciated if you reply.
You are already know what to do. If she keeps on contacting you, you can tell her you need some time and space.
You are already know what to do. If she keeps on contacting you, you can tell her you need some time and space.
You are already know what to do. If she keeps on contacting you, you can tell her you need some time and space.
You are doing the right thing. Her behavior is typical of a rebound relationship. Don't worry about it.
Now she sent me a message saying, I guess you won't talk to me, but okay. It seems like she's pissed and depressed that I'm not communicating with her. But I'm still doing NC. But I really want advice. I don't want her with anyone else. I love her a lot. I just don't know what to do..much appreciated if you reply.
Thank you for answering Kevin, I have one more question.She is talking with me in class but no text messages and that made me think she just see me just as a friend even if I speak with her like a colleague and I keep it cool.I'm not desperate, I'm very fine but i think it's a good idea to get back, I know what I did wrong and we have common friends, we are in the same class etc. But also I think i have 0 chances and she just talk to me for fun also she was very anger after she broke up with me because I didn't spoken to her and she also sent me a message after 2 days(I stopped every contact with her immediatly after break up) and told me that I'm immature because I don't want to talk to her.Now she laughs a lot when we talk and noticed a change in my behave(she told me) but I also think that she doesn't want a relationship again, I really want to hear what you think Kevin, Thank you.
In my opinion, you do have a chance.
In my opinion, you do have a chance.
Hi there kevin
Things took a turn. I went to pick our dog near one of her girl friends. I thought she would drop her and turn around but she brought her girls. Got invited for coffee and regret accepting. One of her friends in particular seems to not like me, and she made a side comment that embarrassed me. Day after we had arranjed for her to pick our dog. It went wrong because that day I waited at the park and she took it as me trying to include myself. I actually had a party to attend to and she was wrong. I told her i didnt like the way she talked to me and she was wrong. Later i asked if she was seeing her ex, she said she was only talking with him, and didnt want anything with him but if she wanted she would see him. I said nothing. Went no contact. She called me a couple of times and i didnt answer. Other day i went to pick our dog at her house. She wanted me to get out of the car but i acted in a hurry. She leaned over the window looking and asked if i was upset, i told her i was just in a hurry. Today she calls me out of the blue to tell me about progresses her brother has made. He suffers from some psychological problems. Honestly i've lost a lot of will, and no contact seems to make her reach for me. But knowing about her ex, i dont even want to talk to her.
Hey Carlos,
If you don't want to talk to her, you shouldn't. However, understand that she is not doing anything wrong by talking to her ex. You are broken up and she has all the right in the world to talk to whoever she wants.
Of course I want to talk to her. I was just being immature. Fact Is I still want her back. I've been doing everything else right, being with friends, keeping busy. I think about us and what we did wrong, and what I did wrong. Today I saw her, and honestly I wish we could spend hours talking, and rediscovering ourselves. The whole ex thing, I've already put it behind. I know it's part of the process and I have to act like a man.
When she called me to talk about her brother I was glad. I was glad that she thought of me and picked up the phone to talk. I haven't done the same, and I wonder if I should.
Thanks for giving me the real thing and not some sugary bs. I would've done a lot of mistakes if not for you Kevin.
Of course I want to talk to her. I was just being immature. Fact Is I still want her back. I've been doing everything else right, being with friends, keeping busy. I think about us and what we did wrong, and what I did wrong. Today I saw her, and honestly I wish we could spend hours talking, and rediscovering ourselves. The whole ex thing, I've already put it behind. I know it's part of the process and I have to act like a man.
When she called me to talk about her brother I was glad. I was glad that she thought of me and picked up the phone to talk. I haven't done the same, and I wonder if I should.
Thanks for giving me the real thing and not some sugary bs. I would've done a lot of mistakes if not for you Kevin.
Of course I want to talk to her. I was just being immature. Fact Is I still want her back. I've been doing everything else right, being with friends, keeping busy. I think about us and what we did wrong, and what I did wrong. Today I saw her, and honestly I wish we could spend hours talking, and rediscovering ourselves. The whole ex thing, I've already put it behind. I know it's part of the process and I have to act like a man.
When she called me to talk about her brother I was glad. I was glad that she thought of me and picked up the phone to talk. I haven't done the same, and I wonder if I should.
Thanks for giving me the real thing and not some sugary bs. I would've done a lot of mistakes if not for you Kevin.
Hey Carlos,
If you don't want to talk to her, you shouldn't. However, understand that she is not doing anything wrong by talking to her ex. You are broken up and she has all the right in the world to talk to whoever she wants.
Hi Kevin, me and my boyfriend broke up about 2 months ago, I didn't start the 30 days no contact until after the first month, I origionally broke up with him because I was unhappy, he didn't seem to want to make an effort with the relationship, I didn't want to end things but saw no choice in the matter. I cant stop thinking about him, everyday I think about what I can do to win him back. after a month of the split I tried to arrange us meeting up and he declind so thats when i decided to start no contact. during the second week of the no contact period he messaged me via facebook while he was on a family holiday... just a general message and I havnt replied. We were together for over a year, Im beginning to lose hope, should I give up altogether?
I think you still have a chance if you follow the 5 step plan.
Thank you for your reply, I am worried though that as I have already gone to such effort to speak to him that after ignoring him for a month that he is going to be angry and so by trying to reconnect with him might make him more mad? Should I just wait for him to get into contact with me? I go on holiday next week and have set myself a goal of staying off any social media until I get back. What do you think? It was always me chasing him in the past, I think part of me knows he knows that I will always wait for him. And as much as I am inlove with him I don't want to be the doormat ex he thinks he can always run back to (even though I probably am)
Hey Sarah,
I think reaching out to him doesn't make you a doormat. What's more important is how you talk to him and whether or not you are needy when you contact him. I think if you contact him using the methods in the 5 step plan, you will not look needy.
Hey Sarah,
I think reaching out to him doesn't make you a doormat. What's more important is how you talk to him and whether or not you are needy when you contact him. I think if you contact him using the methods in the 5 step plan, you will not look needy.
Hey Sarah,
I think reaching out to him doesn't make you a doormat. What's more important is how you talk to him and whether or not you are needy when you contact him. I think if you contact him using the methods in the 5 step plan, you will not look needy.
Hey Sarah,
I think reaching out to him doesn't make you a doormat. What's more important is how you talk to him and whether or not you are needy when you contact him. I think if you contact him using the methods in the 5 step plan, you will not look needy.
Thank you for your reply, I am worried though that as I have already gone to such effort to speak to him that after ignoring him for a month that he is going to be angry and so by trying to reconnect with him might make him more mad? Should I just wait for him to get into contact with me? I go on holiday next week and have set myself a goal of staying off any social media until I get back. What do you think? It was always me chasing him in the past, I think part of me knows he knows that I will always wait for him. And as much as I am inlove with him I don't want to be the doormat ex he thinks he can always run back to (even though I probably am)
Thank you for your reply, I am worried though that as I have already gone to such effort to speak to him that after ignoring him for a month that he is going to be angry and so by trying to reconnect with him might make him more mad? Should I just wait for him to get into contact with me? I go on holiday next week and have set myself a goal of staying off any social media until I get back. What do you think? It was always me chasing him in the past, I think part of me knows he knows that I will always wait for him. And as much as I am inlove with him I don't want to be the doormat ex he thinks he can always run back to (even though I probably am)
I think you still have a chance if you follow the 5 step plan.
Dear Kevin,
Where do I start? Well, my fiance broke up with me three days ago. Let me back track- 2 weeks ago, I had told him I felt the "spark" wasn't there anymore. Meaning, we were never doing anything romantic anymore and I wanted to do more things together. I didn't mention anything about breaking up because well, we were engaged and to me that's a promise we must keep together. We were supposed to be getting married July 1st of this year. I'm devastated about all this. I've been keeping in contact with him, which I know I shouldn't be. He told me he is leaning towards NOT being with me. He is still unsure, I guess. I DO want him back. I love him very much. I'm not sure what to do. He seems to be enjoying all his time without me. I'm scared he won't want to be with me. He moved out 2 days ago and I just feel so alone.
Hey Jennifer,
I think it's important you start no contact. Just tell him that you need some space and time and start no contact. Him enjoying himself doesn't necessarily mean you won't get back together.
Hey Jennifer,
I think it's important you start no contact. Just tell him that you need some space and time and start no contact. Him enjoying himself doesn't necessarily mean you won't get back together.
hi kevin,
i have a slightly different but similar situation. it's not really an ex - bf, but a guy who just wont commit. i think he starts to take me for granted i would like to try the 30 day NC rule, but wanted to get your thoughts. i would rather just not respond if he contacts me rather than explain i need space. its kind of a control game, and might defeat the purpose if he thinks i just need a few days of space. do you think NC is a good idea in this case?
Yes, I do think it's a good idea.
Yes, I do think it's a good idea.
Me and my ext were togethe for 16 months. We are both 25 years. I broke up with her this January with the idea to be just friends and about a time we would be together again. Sadly she started dating her ex-boyfriend as soon as possible. When I asked her why so quickly, she became very angry and blocked me from fb and etc, and said we can’t be friends if I ask her questions like this. Then I tried some desperate contacts via SMS but she was ignoring them. I called her one more time and she was even more angry and used rude words againts me. She wished me all the best and so did I.She said "I dont love u as a bf".Do I have still a chance?
Yes, you do have a chance. Follow the plan. Although, since it's her ex, it's not necessarily a rebound relationship.
Thank you for your reply. Just an update. She said " I don't wanna be friends" what should I do? Thank you Kevin..
Thank you for your reply. Just an update. She said " I don't wanna be friends" what should I do? Thank you Kevin..
Thank you for your reply. Just an update. She said " I don't wanna be friends" what should I do? Thank you Kevin..
Yes, you do have a chance. Follow the plan. Although, since it's her ex, it's not necessarily a rebound relationship.
hi kevin
thx for the great work you do.
Hi Kevin, its my ex's birthday in two weeks time. We parted three months ago, I have sent a letter and a text but not received a reply. Do I send her a birthday card?
Not a card. A text should be sufficient. However, you should wait another week after the birthday to send the text in the 5 step plan.
Hi again Kevin, this is her fifty year birthday. I think that after what we've been through together she deserves a card from me. ??
Its been four months now since our split and I miss her so much I don't know what to do next? I've sent a letter also sent a text but all have been ignored. Do I just give up now or should I still have hope?
You can wait another two weeks and send a text again. But if she has been cold till now, your chances are pretty slim. I'll advice you to try to move on.
Hi kevin, I sent the Birthday card ten days ago, she hasent said thank you or even f×××k off and leave me alone!! Its as if she has vanished, bearing in mind that she was the one that said if we split at any time we should always keep in touch? I really don't understand her.
That's normal. Apply no contact for 20 more days and send her the letter mentioned in the article.
That's normal. Apply no contact for 20 more days and send her the letter mentioned in the article.
That's normal. Apply no contact for 20 more days and send her the letter mentioned in the article.
That's normal. Apply no contact for 20 more days and send her the letter mentioned in the article.
That's normal. Apply no contact for 20 more days and send her the letter mentioned in the article.
That's normal. Apply no contact for 20 more days and send her the letter mentioned in the article.
Hi kevin, I sent the Birthday card ten days ago, she hasent said thank you or even f×××k off and leave me alone!! Its as if she has vanished, bearing in mind that she was the one that said if we split at any time we should always keep in touch? I really don't understand her.
Hi kevin, I sent the Birthday card ten days ago, she hasent said thank you or even f×××k off and leave me alone!! Its as if she has vanished, bearing in mind that she was the one that said if we split at any time we should always keep in touch? I really don't understand her.
Hi kevin, I sent the Birthday card ten days ago, she hasent said thank you or even f×××k off and leave me alone!! Its as if she has vanished, bearing in mind that she was the one that said if we split at any time we should always keep in touch? I really don't understand her.
Hi kevin, I sent the Birthday card ten days ago, she hasent said thank you or even f×××k off and leave me alone!! Its as if she has vanished, bearing in mind that she was the one that said if we split at any time we should always keep in touch? I really don't understand her.
You can wait another two weeks and send a text again. But if she has been cold till now, your chances are pretty slim. I'll advice you to try to move on.
You can wait another two weeks and send a text again. But if she has been cold till now, your chances are pretty slim. I'll advice you to try to move on.
You can wait another two weeks and send a text again. But if she has been cold till now, your chances are pretty slim. I'll advice you to try to move on.
Hi again Kevin, this is her fifty year birthday. I think that after what we've been through together she deserves a card from me. ??
Its been four months now since our split and I miss her so much I don't know what to do next? I've sent a letter also sent a text but all have been ignored. Do I just give up now or should I still have hope?
Hi again Kevin, this is her fifty year birthday. I think that after what we've been through together she deserves a card from me. ??
Its been four months now since our split and I miss her so much I don't know what to do next? I've sent a letter also sent a text but all have been ignored. Do I just give up now or should I still have hope?
Not a card. A text should be sufficient. However, you should wait another week after the birthday to send the text in the 5 step plan.
hi kevin
thank you for what you doing for the world..it is great work..
So i (29years)have dated my ex girlfriend (31years)for almost 2 years.All seemed ok,fun and serious.one day i fell ill. For almost one month i did not work trying to regaIn my health back.She gave me a lot of support such as being available whenever i was going to the medics and also financially. Later i had to leave dubai and go back home for treatment in Africa. Our communication never changed and also she kept on supporting me financially even whenever.
I was supposed to go back to her in a month but my doctor advised me to stay another month. I was really sick in that I was even hallucinating. I was having memory losses due to the drugs i was having but just to give her hope that i was getting better,i never told her what i was going through.I always told her i was getting better. As i recovered two weeks before my return, it was her birthday.
I knew her birthday date but when the day showed up, i had totally forgotten it was due to my recovered weak memory potential. She got angry but kept it cool when she called me and told me she was sorry and she did not feel anything any more in our relationship. She did not want anything from me.She said she loved her ex boyfriend(African American)and he was coming to work in Orman near Dubai so that they can start afresh. she blocked me on Facebook immediately and I confronted her about it(bad mistake).
I tried to mend things out within a day(bad mistake)but she never changed her mind of going back to her ex however she threatened to block my phone if i kept on texting her. After a while i agreed to her decision and we texted for a while and i wished her a beautiful life with him and So we agreed to stay friends but not close however she told me not to worry that she will not post anything on facebook regarding her new relationship because she is protecting my reputation and respect as well as hers. i really don't know if she was serious about that.
I was so down and my world came to a stand still.I was grieving until I saw the work you are doing for us.I immediately started the No Contact rule the following day .I know it is a rebound relationship but my fear is,he is an Ex boyfriend. Kevin, do you think I still have a chance to win her back from her Ex boyfriend?
thank you once again for the advice u give the broken hearts in the world.
jeff
Hey Jeff,
Since it's her ex, there's a chance that this relationship is not a rebound. However, it doesn't change your strategy and you should still follow the plan if you want to increase your chances of getting her back.
Hey Jeff,
Since it's her ex, there's a chance that this relationship is not a rebound. However, it doesn't change your strategy and you should still follow the plan if you want to increase your chances of getting her back.
Hey Kevin
my girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. I have been applying the no contact rule, but sometimes we run into each other at the gym. she would always be the one to start small talk. anyway after so time I started sending the texts like you suggested. the first couple I sent got short positive responses. since then I have sent 2 more texts in the span of a week (all positive and not bringing up the relationship or any thing negative) but I haven't gotten any response. what do u think is going on?
Sam
Hey Sam,
I think you should give her more time (at least two weeks and then try again). Hopefully, she will be warmer this time. If not, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Sam,
I think you should give her more time (at least two weeks and then try again). Hopefully, she will be warmer this time. If not, then you should consider moving on.
submitted a comment twice 5/2/14 and 5/9/14 says its under moderation and then never shows up?
Hey Priya,
Your comment is here.
Hey Priya,
Your comment is here.
Hi kevin before i start with my comment i want to apologize in advance for my english since is not my first language.
I did the NC for one month and a half and he didnt try to call me or text me.. as far as i know he moved with another girl , im not sure if is a rebound relationship or not but i still need to try. I texted him 6 days ago asking him for help to fix my vehicle.. he agreed and asked me to go to his shop i wasnt sure of going so i didnt, i told him that i had plans for that day but that i was very happy that we can be friends and that i will let him know when i can go. He never texted me back , so i sent him another text yesterday just to tell him that something reminded me of him and he responded to my text expressing happyness and letting me know that he is moving to an appt , i wanted to ask him if he is moving by himself? why he is telling me? Was he trying to say something? Is he leaving the woman he is with? A lot of thing cross my mind but i didnt know what to say or how to act so i just send him good wishes and told him how proud of him and the effort he is putting on his work he responded: "Thank you :)" and haven heard from him... im not sure what to do next, should i wait for him to try to contact me or should i text him againg acting like a good friend.. please help me understand better and take the best decision.
I thank you in advance for all those articles and all the good tips you give to all of us.
Thank you :)
Luz
You should text him again after 3-4 days. This time, try to carry on the conversation for a while and don't end it so soon.
You should text him again after 3-4 days. This time, try to carry on the conversation for a while and don't end it so soon.
Hi Kevin
I met my girlfriend online and we started off as friends with benefits. Initially, she was sort of using me to forget about this guy and I was using her to forget about this girl. We somehow managed to fall in love.
We have been officially together for only 2 months, but we were technically together for at least 6-8 months. We are both 21..
Halfway throughout the relationship, I started to have anger outbursts and did not treat her as well as I would have during the start. I did treat her nicely at times though, cooking for her meals and all that.
It was one day whereby I went crazy, I told her that I wanted to try having sex with other girls. There was once whereby I went complete bonkers, and cheated on her with another person (a guy that looked like a girl) out of curiosity. Needless to say, I was super guilty and confessed that night. She somehow forgived me. I could not remember but I guess I didn’t not treat her as well as I should have…. And we broke up. We still kept in contact and saw each other, telling each other we loved each other and sex. As far as I’m concerned we were still together
It was one day whereby she told me that there was this guy who was interested in her. I did not want to be unreasonable so I told her to try things out with that guy before making her decision, and that I wanted her to be happy. We ended having sex that night. I thought she would come back to me, until she told me that she decided to be with the other guy because he was much more mature and a whole bunch of other reasons, she felt that she has given me too many chances and that she merely treated me as a friend, she did mention that what we had was real.
I begged her not to leave me. But she did anyways. I sent her a text telling her that what I did wasn’t true, about the cheating and other things. She of course accused me of lying, but said that we were still friends. I gave her my blessings and she did as well. The thing is, before we got together, she lied to me that she slept around a lot because she thought I liked girls like that. I’m truly confused now that I think about it
Did I make the right choice by sending that text? Was I a rebound myself? Is the other guy a rebound? Is there any chance I can get her back? Please Kevin reply this comment, I’ve written comments a few days back but they are still not shown whereby later comments have already surfaced. I hope you see this and hear from you soon.
Hey Wesley,
I think you were a rebound. And to some extent, she was a rebound for you as well. In my opinion, the only reason you are on this website is because you feel rejected and you are going through the bargaining stage of the breakup grief.
Hi Kevin. I know maybe it's just me not accepting the fact. But we did lots of things together. I was the first guy she has ever stayed over with, the first guy she ever had unprotected sex with, and the first guy she has ever showered together with..
I know all these may not make any sense , but I know it was real for the both of us. The tears we shed and all that. I'm sorry if I came off defensive, that's not my intent. May I know if I still stand a chance to get back together with her? I've been doing no contact for about a week already..
I hope to hear from you soon, and I'm glad my comment has finally been moderated. Thank you
Hey Wesley,
The fact is, even though first times are special moments, they don't necessarily make someone emotionally invested in the relationship. In fact, most of the relationships where a couple is each others first don't really last. How many high school sweethearts actually end up together for the long haul? Not much.
I think there's a chance that you can get her back, but I will recommend you apply no contact for at least 2-3 months before making a move. This way you can be absolutely sure you are getting back for the right reason and not just because you are feeling rejected.
Hey Kevin, it's been awhile since you replied.. I hope you can find some time to reply these messages soon. I know you're a busy guy so all the best.
P.S My birthday is in about 2 and a half weeks, that would be about 1month and 3 weeks since we broke up, should I invite her over to my party if I happen to have one? It's gonna be my 21st bday.
The reason I recommend 2-3 months instead of one is because it was your first relationship. In my experience, in cases like yours, it takes more time to see the relationship for what it was. Since it's the first time you will be experiencing the grief of a breakup, you will take a long time to recover from it.
The reason I recommend 2-3 months instead of one is because it was your first relationship. In my experience, in cases like yours, it takes more time to see the relationship for what it was. Since it's the first time you will be experiencing the grief of a breakup, you will take a long time to recover from it.
The reason I recommend 2-3 months instead of one is because it was your first relationship. In my experience, in cases like yours, it takes more time to see the relationship for what it was. Since it's the first time you will be experiencing the grief of a breakup, you will take a long time to recover from it.
The reason I recommend 2-3 months instead of one is because it was your first relationship. In my experience, in cases like yours, it takes more time to see the relationship for what it was. Since it's the first time you will be experiencing the grief of a breakup, you will take a long time to recover from it.
The reason I recommend 2-3 months instead of one is because it was your first relationship. In my experience, in cases like yours, it takes more time to see the relationship for what it was. Since it's the first time you will be experiencing the grief of a breakup, you will take a long time to recover from it.
The reason I recommend 2-3 months instead of one is because it was your first relationship. In my experience, in cases like yours, it takes more time to see the relationship for what it was. Since it's the first time you will be experiencing the grief of a breakup, you will take a long time to recover from it.
Thank you Kevin*
Ic... Thank you Wesley.. May I know why you would recommend 2-3 instead of the 1month you stated? I will try to abide to your rules. Do you think theres any chance that guy is a rebound?
Hey Kevin, it's been awhile since you replied.. I hope you can find some time to reply these messages soon. I know you're a busy guy so all the best.
P.S My birthday is in about 2 and a half weeks, that would be about 1month and 3 weeks since we broke up, should I invite her over to my party if I happen to have one? It's gonna be my 21st bday.
Thank you Kevin*
Ic... Thank you Wesley.. May I know why you would recommend 2-3 instead of the 1month you stated? I will try to abide to your rules. Do you think theres any chance that guy is a rebound?
Hey Kevin, it's been awhile since you replied.. I hope you can find some time to reply these messages soon. I know you're a busy guy so all the best.
P.S My birthday is in about 2 and a half weeks, that would be about 1month and 3 weeks since we broke up, should I invite her over to my party if I happen to have one? It's gonna be my 21st bday.
Thank you Kevin*
Ic... Thank you Wesley.. May I know why you would recommend 2-3 instead of the 1month you stated? I will try to abide to your rules. Do you think theres any chance that guy is a rebound?
Hey Kevin, it's been awhile since you replied.. I hope you can find some time to reply these messages soon. I know you're a busy guy so all the best.
P.S My birthday is in about 2 and a half weeks, that would be about 1month and 3 weeks since we broke up, should I invite her over to my party if I happen to have one? It's gonna be my 21st bday.
Thank you Kevin*
Ic... Thank you Wesley.. May I know why you would recommend 2-3 instead of the 1month you stated? I will try to abide to your rules. Do you think theres any chance that guy is a rebound?
Hey Kevin, it's been awhile since you replied.. I hope you can find some time to reply these messages soon. I know you're a busy guy so all the best.
P.S My birthday is in about 2 and a half weeks, that would be about 1month and 3 weeks since we broke up, should I invite her over to my party if I happen to have one? It's gonna be my 21st bday.
Thank you Kevin*
Ic... Thank you Wesley.. May I know why you would recommend 2-3 instead of the 1month you stated? I will try to abide to your rules. Do you think theres any chance that guy is a rebound?
Sorry for the double post, I know you're really busy Kevin and I thank you for the service you're providing for everyone here. Was hoping if you can answer the rest of the questions as well if it's possible? Do you think if the other guy is a rebound?
I found out from a friend that she definetely knows that I'm lying about the last text I sent her because she read my texts on my phone before...
Thank you once again Kevin.
Hi Kevin. Sorry if I have been flooding your website. I didn't catch the message whereby you wouldn't be active.. Anyway a lot has happened since.
First of all, she didn't wish me happy birthday. I tried messaging her a few days back, keeping it casual. Trust me it hurt a lot seeing her with another guy. She was really polite and cold. If it makes sense. Doesn't feel like the girl I knew. Throughout messaging each other, she kept changing her display picture of her and the guy, and changed her whatsapp status to something lovey dovey. I told her to take care just after like 3-4 replies, mostly me asking if she has eaten and all that.
She did message my friend's girlfriend, asking her if i am really fine. She told her that although we broken up, she still treats me as a friend.
I'm really lost at to what to do now.. What should I do Kevin? Continue messaging her or what? I only messaged her only after 2 months of no contact. Or should I wait it out longer? I'm really so lost....
P.S The guy she was trying to forget was sort of a fling.
Hi Kevin. Sorry if I have been flooding your website. I didn't catch the message whereby you wouldn't be active.. Anyway a lot has happened since.
First of all, she didn't wish me happy birthday. I tried messaging her a few days back, keeping it casual. Trust me it hurt a lot seeing her with another guy. She was really polite and cold. If it makes sense. Doesn't feel like the girl I knew. Throughout messaging each other, she kept changing her display picture of her and the guy, and changed her whatsapp status to something lovey dovey. I told her to take care just after like 3-4 replies, mostly me asking if she has eaten and all that.
She did message my friend's girlfriend, asking her if i am really fine. She told her that although we broken up, she still treats me as a friend.
I'm really lost at to what to do now.. What should I do Kevin? Continue messaging her or what? I only messaged her only after 2 months of no contact. Or should I wait it out longer? I'm really so lost....
P.S The guy she was trying to forget was sort of a fling.
Hi Kevin. Sorry if I have been flooding your website. I didn't catch the message whereby you wouldn't be active.. Anyway a lot has happened since.
First of all, she didn't wish me happy birthday. I tried messaging her a few days back, keeping it casual. Trust me it hurt a lot seeing her with another guy. She was really polite and cold. If it makes sense. Doesn't feel like the girl I knew. Throughout messaging each other, she kept changing her display picture of her and the guy, and changed her whatsapp status to something lovey dovey. I told her to take care just after like 3-4 replies, mostly me asking if she has eaten and all that.
She did message my friend's girlfriend, asking her if i am really fine. She told her that although we broken up, she still treats me as a friend.
I'm really lost at to what to do now.. What should I do Kevin? Continue messaging her or what? I only messaged her only after 2 months of no contact. Or should I wait it out longer? I'm really so lost....
P.S The guy she was trying to forget was sort of a fling.
Hi Kevin. Sorry if I have been flooding your website. I didn't catch the message whereby you wouldn't be active.. Anyway a lot has happened since.
First of all, she didn't wish me happy birthday. I tried messaging her a few days back, keeping it casual. Trust me it hurt a lot seeing her with another guy. She was really polite and cold. If it makes sense. Doesn't feel like the girl I knew. Throughout messaging each other, she kept changing her display picture of her and the guy, and changed her whatsapp status to something lovey dovey. I told her to take care just after like 3-4 replies, mostly me asking if she has eaten and all that.
She did message my friend's girlfriend, asking her if i am really fine. She told her that although we broken up, she still treats me as a friend.
I'm really lost at to what to do now.. What should I do Kevin? Continue messaging her or what? I only messaged her only after 2 months of no contact. Or should I wait it out longer? I'm really so lost....
P.S The guy she was trying to forget was sort of a fling.
Hi Kevin. Sorry if I have been flooding your website. I didn't catch the message whereby you wouldn't be active.. Anyway a lot has happened since.
First of all, she didn't wish me happy birthday. I tried messaging her a few days back, keeping it casual. Trust me it hurt a lot seeing her with another guy. She was really polite and cold. If it makes sense. Doesn't feel like the girl I knew. Throughout messaging each other, she kept changing her display picture of her and the guy, and changed her whatsapp status to something lovey dovey. I told her to take care just after like 3-4 replies, mostly me asking if she has eaten and all that.
She did message my friend's girlfriend, asking her if i am really fine. She told her that although we broken up, she still treats me as a friend.
I'm really lost at to what to do now.. What should I do Kevin? Continue messaging her or what? I only messaged her only after 2 months of no contact. Or should I wait it out longer? I'm really so lost....
P.S The guy she was trying to forget was sort of a fling.
Hey Wesley,
The fact is, even though first times are special moments, they don't necessarily make someone emotionally invested in the relationship. In fact, most of the relationships where a couple is each others first don't really last. How many high school sweethearts actually end up together for the long haul? Not much.
I think there's a chance that you can get her back, but I will recommend you apply no contact for at least 2-3 months before making a move. This way you can be absolutely sure you are getting back for the right reason and not just because you are feeling rejected.
Sorry for the double post, I know you're really busy Kevin and I thank you for the service you're providing for everyone here. Was hoping if you can answer the rest of the questions as well if it's possible? Do you think if the other guy is a rebound?
I found out from a friend that she definetely knows that I'm lying about the last text I sent her because she read my texts on my phone before...
Thank you once again Kevin.
Hey Wesley,
The fact is, even though first times are special moments, they don't necessarily make someone emotionally invested in the relationship. In fact, most of the relationships where a couple is each others first don't really last. How many high school sweethearts actually end up together for the long haul? Not much.
I think there's a chance that you can get her back, but I will recommend you apply no contact for at least 2-3 months before making a move. This way you can be absolutely sure you are getting back for the right reason and not just because you are feeling rejected.
Sorry for the double post, I know you're really busy Kevin and I thank you for the service you're providing for everyone here. Was hoping if you can answer the rest of the questions as well if it's possible? Do you think if the other guy is a rebound?
I found out from a friend that she definetely knows that I'm lying about the last text I sent her because she read my texts on my phone before...
Thank you once again Kevin.
Hey Wesley,
The fact is, even though first times are special moments, they don't necessarily make someone emotionally invested in the relationship. In fact, most of the relationships where a couple is each others first don't really last. How many high school sweethearts actually end up together for the long haul? Not much.
I think there's a chance that you can get her back, but I will recommend you apply no contact for at least 2-3 months before making a move. This way you can be absolutely sure you are getting back for the right reason and not just because you are feeling rejected.
Sorry for the double post, I know you're really busy Kevin and I thank you for the service you're providing for everyone here. Was hoping if you can answer the rest of the questions as well if it's possible? Do you think if the other guy is a rebound?
I found out from a friend that she definetely knows that I'm lying about the last text I sent her because she read my texts on my phone before...
Thank you once again Kevin.
Hi Kevin. I know maybe it's just me not accepting the fact. But we did lots of things together. I was the first guy she has ever stayed over with, the first guy she ever had unprotected sex with, and the first guy she has ever showered together with..
I know all these may not make any sense , but I know it was real for the both of us. The tears we shed and all that. I'm sorry if I came off defensive, that's not my intent. May I know if I still stand a chance to get back together with her? I've been doing no contact for about a week already..
I hope to hear from you soon, and I'm glad my comment has finally been moderated. Thank you
Hi Kevin. I know maybe it's just me not accepting the fact. But we did lots of things together. I was the first guy she has ever stayed over with, the first guy she ever had unprotected sex with, and the first guy she has ever showered together with..
I know all these may not make any sense , but I know it was real for the both of us. The tears we shed and all that. I'm sorry if I came off defensive, that's not my intent. May I know if I still stand a chance to get back together with her? I've been doing no contact for about a week already..
I hope to hear from you soon, and I'm glad my comment has finally been moderated. Thank you
Hey Wesley,
I think you were a rebound. And to some extent, she was a rebound for you as well. In my opinion, the only reason you are on this website is because you feel rejected and you are going through the bargaining stage of the breakup grief.
Hi Kevin,
I posted a comment on here and it hasn't come up
It's here.
It's here.
Hi,
So I've read your article and my ex and I broke up about 5 weeks ago. I've used no contact, sent her a letter, sent off a text, but she is ignoring me. I've heard from mutual friends that she looks so happy, and doesn't give a care in the world about me. She also has a crush on another guy, and I don't know about their relationship together, but I don't really want to know about that either. I also want to say that she has changed dramatically. When I was dating her (7 months, in a long distance relationship) she was quiet, didn't really like to show photos on fb or anything. But now she shows photos, hangs out with friends, enjoys life honestly. So I'm confused about her and the approach, I feel like I've lost her forever and she won't ever come back. I feel like she won't ever like me again, and is with the guy of her dreams (not that it matters). What I'm trying to say is, I don't think she misses me, but think she is better with out me. I'm confused about what to do.... Please Help Me
Thanks JT
Hey JT,
You should still follow the plan. Different people deal with breakups differently and it doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't miss you.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply! I followed your plan and I've been texting her, well actually I've sent her the text and she's been ignoring me still. This has gone on for about 2/3 weeks, is there anything else I can do?
Do no contact again for a month and send her the letter. If she is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Do no contact again for a month and send her the letter. If she is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Do no contact again for a month and send her the letter. If she is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Do no contact again for a month and send her the letter. If she is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply! I followed your plan and I've been texting her, well actually I've sent her the text and she's been ignoring me still. This has gone on for about 2/3 weeks, is there anything else I can do?
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply! I followed your plan and I've been texting her, well actually I've sent her the text and she's been ignoring me still. This has gone on for about 2/3 weeks, is there anything else I can do?
Hey JT,
You should still follow the plan. Different people deal with breakups differently and it doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't miss you.
Can I break the no contact rule to say grats for her birthday?
Yes, but keep it short.
Yes, but keep it short.
I am 22 and my ex is 21, we were together for 4 and a half months. He proposed to me after one month and we planned a baby two weeks later, pregnant now. After we broke up he said he loved me and was teary as he told me he needed space to think. Silly me i couldn't give him the space i messaged him everyday saying i missed him blah blah blah and he said i ruined the chance of us getting back together.
i give him 2 weeks space and beg him next time i see him for him to say he is happy and he isn't wanting me back, just says its too late. After that i gave up with the begging. I admit i bought him a ps4 and he contacted me for that, i didn't give it him as i found out he has a 15 year old gf now after 4 weeks of breaking up.
he sends me nasty messages saying he hates me and its amazing with this new girl. I have gone a week with no contact but is their any point. Will it make a difference or has he moved on?
Hey Amy,
You moved in the relationship too fast and you should have taken things slowly. Personally, I don't think you should try to get back together with him. Not only is he dating a minor, he was also quite a jerk to you. I think you and your baby (if you decide to keep it) will be better off without him.
Hey Amy,
You moved in the relationship too fast and you should have taken things slowly. Personally, I don't think you should try to get back together with him. Not only is he dating a minor, he was also quite a jerk to you. I think you and your baby (if you decide to keep it) will be better off without him.
Just thought I'd send some prayers to everyone here. I know there's a lot of hurt and internal conflict and misery here and my recent heartbreak certainly feels insignificant to many of these stories.
As for my ex, after 5 and a bit months she's still been simultaneously hiding her relationship (ie, "it's not official") and rubbing it in my face (all kinds of tweets, photos of parties with him/things we used to do, etc).
I imagine she's over me by now too as I haven't been able to stay NC because I have to see her in college every day and she just starts conversations at me. It's prolonged the healing process a lot. I don't know what she wants from me.
Oh well. I guess I just need to grin and bear it.
Still, reading everyone's stories has made me feel less alone. Thank you all.
Hey Kevin.
My girlfriend just recently broke up with me. When she was explaining her actions, all she could say was that she wasn't ready for a relationship. I think it was the point where we got intimate and it might have clicked to her that things might have been moving too quick for her because we had only been together for a few months at that point. She mentioned an ex boyfriend whom I don't think she's truly over or might have had a bad break up with. This experience is disheartening because everything was going so well and just out of the blue she said was thinking about our relationship and she realized that maybe it was better that we should be friends. I still really like her so I said I wasn't comfortable with that. I'm almost done my no contact rule. What are the chances of us getting back together?
Hey John,
Your chances are slim unless she gets over her ex. I have a feelings you were a rebound.
Hey Kevin,
I think you might be right. I think they might have been broken up for a few months. And she even told me that she would deflect his messages while we were together. Which makes this whole situation so much more confusing..
She seemed really happy and we met eachothers friends as well
She seemed really happy and we met eachothers friends as well
She seemed really happy and we met eachothers friends as well
She seemed really happy and we met eachothers friends as well
Hey Kevin,
I think you might be right. I think they might have been broken up for a few months. And she even told me that she would deflect his messages while we were together. Which makes this whole situation so much more confusing..
Hey Kevin,
I think you might be right. I think they might have been broken up for a few months. And she even told me that she would deflect his messages while we were together. Which makes this whole situation so much more confusing..
Hey John,
Your chances are slim unless she gets over her ex. I have a feelings you were a rebound.
Thanks calvin me and my girl friend we are now back. But the problem is when she come to see me she always come with her friend and she most of the time ask me for money for lunch i do give her am afraid i think she is using me and i suspect she has a boyfriend as her phone no can not be reached she told me she lost the phone what must i do should i just let her go
Explain to her how you feel. If you can't resolve the problem with communication, you should break up with her and move on.
Explain to her how you feel. If you can't resolve the problem with communication, you should break up with her and move on.
hi kevin,
it's me again.and i'm in a very complicated situation now.a few nights ago he kept asking if i had sex with some one during this time.i said this is a personal question and no matter what, this is something that sooner or later will happen to both of us.he got really angry then begged me to tell the truth,finally i said i didn't do that.he is drunk like every other night,he texts me and talks like we are together ,calls me love and once indirectly said he was bad cuz he haven't had sex fore a long time. i don't know if he wants to make me understand that he hasn't had sex neither or expect me to be friends with benefit.i dont know how to act when he acts like everything is like the old days.i just try to ignore him politely. please tell me what to do. thank you very much
i just sent him a message and he we was kinda cold.this is really freaking me out.should i go on no contact again? or should i tell him that i don't like the way he is? i'm scared if i say something negative it might destroy all the chances.we have planned to go out on wednesday,so the next day i'm going to another country for more than a month.should i go out with him in this situation?
Don't say anything negative. If he is cold, you be cold. If he is warm, you be warm. You shouldn't cancel your plans because of him. Remember, the most important thing is to put yourself before him.
thank you very much kevin,i don't know how to appreciate your help in words xoxo
thank you very much kevin,i don't know how to appreciate your help in words xoxo
thank you very much kevin,i don't know how to appreciate your help in words xoxo
thank you very much kevin,i don't know how to appreciate your help in words xoxo
Don't say anything negative. If he is cold, you be cold. If he is warm, you be warm. You shouldn't cancel your plans because of him. Remember, the most important thing is to put yourself before him.
Don't say anything negative. If he is cold, you be cold. If he is warm, you be warm. You shouldn't cancel your plans because of him. Remember, the most important thing is to put yourself before him.
i just sent him a message and he we was kinda cold.this is really freaking me out.should i go on no contact again? or should i tell him that i don't like the way he is? i'm scared if i say something negative it might destroy all the chances.we have planned to go out on wednesday,so the next day i'm going to another country for more than a month.should i go out with him in this situation?
Hey Kevin,
Me and my ex gf have been together for 4 years, we been braking up and getting back together for the past last 8 months and our last break up happened 4 months ago, within the last month i had found out she has been seeeing someone and recently basically begged for her to take me back. She never denied that she still had feelings for me when i asked. I have 2 questions "Is this guy see seeing a posible rebound relatonship?" and "Is it too late for me to apply the no-contact rule since its been such a long period of time since we broke up?"
Yes and no.
Yes and no.
Hi Kevin, today I realized I shouldn't be with the man I have dated for 4 years. We just got back from a short vacation in Europe. The trip was a getaway from our hectic lives and he wanted to find out if I will be ready to marry him in 6 months. We have never lived together. I have never been introduced "formally" to his friends because he always said it wasn't the best time because of our situation. He is actually my client and I am a senior executive in my company. We got back from Europe and he travelled to a wedding in Atlanta. He has been away for about a month and I felt his house needed some thorough cleaning. I arranged for a cleaning outfit but spoke to his PA to be in the house. I stopped by before the cleaning started and when I got to his room, I found a card addressed to "my princess" with so many lovely handwritten words. I was shocked because he doesn't call me a princess. I played pranks with the PA and found out he has been in a relationship with a girl and she practically lives with him 4 days in week. I don't visit him so I will never know. I only visits once in 6 months because of my busy schedule and I have never been a fan of visiting men I date. Keven, I don't know what to do. I am in total shock because this is a man I have waited for, for 4 years. I have invested so much of my time in this relationship. I have learned to be very patient even when am not supposed to. Please advice me. I have called him and told him everything I know and I have asked him not to contact me when he gets back. I am so disappointed.
Hey Zee,
I am sorry that it happened. I hope you are not thinking of getting back together with him. I know you've invested 4 years but you should be glad that you eventually found out about this and now you can leave him behind and try to move on.
Hey Zee,
I am sorry that it happened. I hope you are not thinking of getting back together with him. I know you've invested 4 years but you should be glad that you eventually found out about this and now you can leave him behind and try to move on.
Hi Kevin,
I love a girl who's in the relationship (but at that time, she argued with that guy) but she also loved me back and we have been together for 1 yr and 1 month. But she only says she loves me for only 7 months and the rest of the times, we were fighting and arguing cuz I was nagging and complaining to her for getting back with her earlier bf. During that 7 months when she's deeply in love with me, I did ask her to break up with her 1st bf but she asked me to wait and give her more time so I gave her and ended up I was the one who broke up with her. Since after 7 months, she's been telling me that she doesn't love me anymore and want to become friend with me but still we were together for another 6 months until we broke up finally.
It's my fault that I asked her to tell her current bf about our relationship and since after she told him about us, she blocked me from her contact list and now she has blocked me from all the contactable apps.
And since before our official break up, she's been telling me that she loves that current bf but still not breaking up with me the thing that makes me confused.
Is there any possibility to win her back with this situation ?? Is there someone who contacted you who has similar story as mine and getting back their ex??
Thanks and hope to hear your advice soon! :)
Hey Cris,
I will recommend you stay away from her and find someone who is ready to commit to you. As to your answer, from what you described, her behavior is not that of a normal persona and I can't really say if you have a possibility. And no, I haven't come across any similar story.
:(
I really can't let her go even thou i know i hv really low chance.. Is there any other way of making her fall in love with me again??
Should i start again from being as her friend?
If you don't want to give up, follow the plan. But I am pretty sure you'll just find confusion and heartbreak even if you make her fall in love with you.
If you don't want to give up, follow the plan. But I am pretty sure you'll just find confusion and heartbreak even if you make her fall in love with you.
If you don't want to give up, follow the plan. But I am pretty sure you'll just find confusion and heartbreak even if you make her fall in love with you.
If you don't want to give up, follow the plan. But I am pretty sure you'll just find confusion and heartbreak even if you make her fall in love with you.
:(
I really can't let her go even thou i know i hv really low chance.. Is there any other way of making her fall in love with me again??
Should i start again from being as her friend?
:(
I really can't let her go even thou i know i hv really low chance.. Is there any other way of making her fall in love with me again??
Should i start again from being as her friend?
Hey Cris,
I will recommend you stay away from her and find someone who is ready to commit to you. As to your answer, from what you described, her behavior is not that of a normal persona and I can't really say if you have a possibility. And no, I haven't come across any similar story.
Hi there. My ex and I were together for 2 years. We split because I would nag him about financial problems and I had insecurities. He's 22 and I am 24. He is in, what I assume, is a rebound relationship because he has admitted to still loving me and missing me and we keep sleeping together. How do I get him back?
Stop sleeping with him and start no contact.
Stop sleeping with him and start no contact.
I sent you two messages earlier today I just forgot to mention that there is a time factor here, there are only 27 days left until the end of the school year and I'm limited by only a few minutes everyday that I can see her after school, like five minutes at the most. I do know where she lives and I've been there many times but I cant just show up because her father doesn't much like her dating very much and the fact that I'm a year and a half older will make him even less keen on the idea. I also thought about the letter option and if I did it then I could use this really old paper I have with a fountain pen and I could close the letter with a wax seal with an image of something memorable. Any thoughts on the above mentioned as well as my other messages?
Hey Zach,
If she lives with her parents, I'll recommend you send an email instead of a hand written letter. Also, you should apply no contact regardless of the time limit. If you try to rush things, you will only push her away.
Hey Zach,
If she lives with her parents, I'll recommend you send an email instead of a hand written letter. Also, you should apply no contact regardless of the time limit. If you try to rush things, you will only push her away.
Hey Kevin, I'm back with another question for you.
Things have been pretty good the last couple weeks, we talked, we laughed, we're friends. We talked everyday for awhile. As I anticipated, things did not work out with my ex and the 24 year old that he met that night. They didn't even talk. a few days ago he said he regretted breaking up with me and that it was a dumb decision. Boom! Jackpot. I did not mention getting back together and neither did he, but I felt that it was a big step forward. After that night he kinda has laid off for a bit, hasn't called me or texted me much, I texted him on Thursday because I got a tattoo and wanted to show him and he called me. He had been hanging out with this girl I am not a fan of, I know that she likes him and did even when we were dating. He said she was asking questions about me like if he would get back together with me and he said only if I moved there. I am really confused, on one hand he regrets ending it, on the other he won't get back together with me unless I am living there. I think he is confused too. We haven't talked since then and I refuse to text him first. I am going to Toronto at the end of the month and we said we would hang out, do you think if we see each other in person it will change things? Like could him seeing me in person change his stubborn mind about only dating me if I live there and make him want me back ?
Thanks Kevin
Yes, it can. Just make sure you are confident and you don't show any signs of neediness.
Yes, it can. Just make sure you are confident and you don't show any signs of neediness.
Hi kevin,
So my boyfriend and I of two amazing years broke up about 3 months ago. It was a really hard and stressful break... I was really busy and had a lot of personal issues (emotional abuse from my family), and he basically didn't have the emotional energy and time to help me through my problems. We broke up - he just said we were just incompatible (i was over-emotional, and he didn't have time to help me)... our relationship had only been rocky for about 6 months, but really amazing for the year and a half before we moved in together.
I applied no contact... we thought about getting back together for about a month, then when i blocked him for NC because he was liking all of my photos and statuses, he decided to kill all his feelings for me when we were apart and when I came back after 30 days, he said all his feelings for me had died. I came back wanting to work on things two more times, but he rejected me completely, again saying we were just incompatible and that he didn't believe in "true love" anyways. I guess the plan now is to wait the 3 months over the summer before I see him again (we're in college) and try and move on in the meantime.
I have no problem with moving on and I want to work on my problems that caused the break up (loading him up with my stress issues)... but he just seemed to be disgusted by how sad and needy I was at the end. Every time I would see him I ended up in tears, and I feel like I ruined my chances of showing him that I can be strong and independant. For the month after we broke up, he would tell me it might work out and that he thought of me a lot. A month after that he said it would never work out and we were fundamentally not meant to be together. Any hope for this?
I want to get back together because he is and was my closest friend in the world... we grew apart because of work and stress and I feel like he's forgotten who I am. When I come back in 3 months, should I try to be friends or just avoid him and let him come to me? Every time I came to him I was rejected.... even after NC. I feel like he just wants to move on and date other people... especially since he told me how much he loves the freedom of not being together. He also doesn't believe that people were meant to stay together for a long time. Any advice?
When you come back, give him some time to initiate contact with you. I'll say at least two weeks. If he doesn't initiate contact, then you should initiate contact. But keep things light and don't make it obvious you want to get back together.
When you come back, give him some time to initiate contact with you. I'll say at least two weeks. If he doesn't initiate contact, then you should initiate contact. But keep things light and don't make it obvious you want to get back together.
Over the last 3 years my boyfriend (I can't bring myself to call him 'ex') had said he wanted to breakup many times but I never agreed to it until recently, and we were not separated until now. Now we officially parted.
The obstacle to our relationship is a trust issue - my boyfriend doesn't trust me after an incident that happened 3 years ago, a few months into our relationship. Since then he has been thinking I loved someone else while being in our relationship, which is not actually the case. It is a long-distance relationship and at that time I spent too much time on outings with my boyfriend's male friend, which greatly affected my boyfriend and made him feel insecure, although there was no affair and it was not dates. I love my boyfriend and I understand his insecurities, but he has kept saying that my behaviour at the time demonstrated I loved his friend and not him. A couple of weeks after the incident I started avoiding my boyfriend's friend and since then have had only limited contact with the friend although we work in the same office, in an effort to avoid further misunderstandings from my boyfriend, but that was too late...there was already too much damage.
My boyfriend keeps saying he will always feel he is my 2nd choice (but to me he is my 1st choice) and hasn't been able to come to terms with it. His friend is now married and my boyfriend keeps saying he regrets interfering and had he not, I would have ended up with his friend. My boyfriend thinks I was in love with his friend, calculated that a relationship with his friend might not have worked out, so I continued my relationship with my boyfriend and must have felt bad no longer spending time with his friend (to me the whole idea is totally preposterous and I actually had no regrets limiting contact with the friend).
Repeatedly my boyfriend tried to distance himself from me, by gradually initiating contact with me less and less, ignoring many of my chat messages, although we always did maintain some form of regular daily conversation via chats or short calls (much from my efforts), and we did have lots of fun times together, intimate moments when I felt loved, whenever I visited him for a few days every month. Such lovely and fun times were then followed by some periods of my boyfriend referring to the incident of 3 years ago and saying we should separate, and in such periods in our discussions my boyfriend always ends up speaking with anger of the old incident, asking angry questions on why I behaved that way or avoiding talking to me for periods that can go to a few days, to protect himself from his negative emotions. Each time the same discussion doesn't resolve anything and then I guess my boyfriend gets tired of all the negativity so he resumes to a happier mood and it is me trying to shower my love and affection onto him, initiating contact everyday, with the hope that he would trust me and see my love.
Now my boyfriend has broken up with me for good. He said he cannot be with a girl who loved someone else while being in a relationship with him, a girl who made the calculation that it was safer to stay with him. He said our relationship has made his self-confidence drop dramatically. He said he likes me as an individual and cares about me, and doesn't want to hurt me, but he feels no love - which I don't want to believe. Sometimes he said he has no love, no trust, no respect for me. Other times he used to say that yes he loves me and respects me but can't be with me because with me he feels small and second-best. I know that he had seriously considered marrying me more than once , but each time his negative emotions held him back.
He requested that I don't try to contact him (to make it easier for him and for me) and said that from now on we'll never meet again and never talk again. Does he really mean that? that he doesn't want to meet or talk again?
And given that he already requested me not to contact him, will me trying to contact him make a difference?
Is it hopeless?
I am 32, he is 34 by the way.
Hey Kitty,
I am sorry you are going through this. If your boyfriend actually meant that, then he has some serious issues and trying to get back with him will be an exercise in futility unless he resolves his issues. I think you should follow the plan, but you should make no contact at least 2 months. I really think counseling can help him resolve this issue but you can not convince him to do counseling. At least not right now. When you end no contact, don't fly into his country directly. Start text conversations and eventually ask him to talk on skype. Only go to his country when things are warm and you are on the verge of getting back together.
Hey Kitty,
I am sorry you are going through this. If your boyfriend actually meant that, then he has some serious issues and trying to get back with him will be an exercise in futility unless he resolves his issues. I think you should follow the plan, but you should make no contact at least 2 months. I really think counseling can help him resolve this issue but you can not convince him to do counseling. At least not right now. When you end no contact, don't fly into his country directly. Start text conversations and eventually ask him to talk on skype. Only go to his country when things are warm and you are on the verge of getting back together.
Hey Kitty,
I am sorry you are going through this. If your boyfriend actually meant that, then he has some serious issues and trying to get back with him will be an exercise in futility unless he resolves his issues. I think you should follow the plan, but you should make no contact at least 2 months. I really think counseling can help him resolve this issue but you can not convince him to do counseling. At least not right now. When you end no contact, don't fly into his country directly. Start text conversations and eventually ask him to talk on skype. Only go to his country when things are warm and you are on the verge of getting back together.
I am 32, he is 34 by the way.
Hi Kevin. I have a tricky one for u. So I have done all the steps and like u said we got back together but 2 weeks later he broke up with me again saying he doesn't want relationship at all it was mistake. Now do I still have chance ?
Hey Sarah,
It's hard to say whether or not you still have a chance. You should start no contact again. Only you can decide whether it's worth spending more time and effort.
Hey Sarah,
It's hard to say whether or not you still have a chance. You should start no contact again. Only you can decide whether it's worth spending more time and effort.
In a long-distance relationship (different countries 4hr flight away), how do you suggest the meeting can be arranged? Flying and saying 'Hey I happen to be town, shall we go for a coffee?' is too obvious if there used to be no reason to be in town other than seeing the boyfriend.
Hi Kevin,
He is 26 while i am 25. We are in long distance relationship and are 8 yrs old coming to 9. He said he felt suffocated by me due to my insecurities. He said he wants to be alone. I did convince him to stay on but he ignored and did not reply. I immediately stop doing what I was doing and agree to your advice of no contact. Here's the thing, he is doing his PHD and his first priority is his career and his family. So my biggest fear is he will focus on his career and his family more now and forget about me. Plus, you said to ask him out after the no contact period but how when we are in long distance?
If you are in his town for some work, you can ask him out. If not, then keep the conversation on texts and/or skype unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
If you are in his town for some work, you can ask him out. If not, then keep the conversation on texts and/or skype unless you are on the verge of getting back together.
Hi Kevin,
I just want to share what happened to me.. so my ex broke up with me last week i think because of our arguement(shes been cold for 1 week then later she told me she doesnt want to continue our relationship anymore) ive been texting her non-stop though she dont reply to all of my text. Ive been desperate because of how i love her,i did go to her place saying that you go out in your house and talk to me,you just cant dump me after broking up with me(saying is this how you treat me after our 2years and 7monts relationship?) We did have a conversation though after telling her im thirsty and i wont go home if you wont talk to me.. i can feel her anger,i really dont know why she kept telling me dont ever come here again,just please go home now i dont have any feelings for you anymore. It was painful all i was saying this is not you,you dont treat me like this. Then she told me sorry i cant pleased all people(ive had to admit ive taken her for granted) last thing ive said okay i wont interfere in your life anymore and said sorry. I did also said i will stop texting you from now on.
What to do? Do i need to do no contact rule? I still love her.. hoping she still loved me though she was loyal to me,almost 5/6 days staying here in house so i think it wont be also easy for her. Sorry for the bad english. I just want to express my feelings..
Thanks Kevin,
Follow the 5 step plan Jon.
Follow the 5 step plan Jon.
Hi, Kevin,
yesterday I met her following your advice and the ones of the RR-system.
We had a coffee and during our meeting we smiled and laughed a lot and there was a cheerful feeling in me. While having conversations I tried to observe her body language, she was sometimes crossing her arms before herself and then moving her hands up interlocking fingers on her scruff.
While speaking she referred to our relationship as having a pause and not that we are broken up.
During the meeting I caressed her face and she let it happen an smiled and at the end of the coffee she told me "we had a good time" before I could say anything and I caressed her face before giving kiss to each other on the cheek.
I consider it a good start. What do you think? I plan not to contact her for a week. If meeting again should I kiss her or just having a friendly time together. I do not want to get stuck in the friend zone but do not want to hurry either.
Bob
Hey Bob,
Yup, it was a good start. As for the next meeting, your ultimate goal is to get physical with her. But don't force anything. Go with the flow.
Hey Bob,
Yup, it was a good start. As for the next meeting, your ultimate goal is to get physical with her. But don't force anything. Go with the flow.
Hi Kevin,
I really need your help here.
Me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for (more or less) 6 years. I said more or less because we have broken up several times during our relationship, but then we made up several months after that. The main problem which drive all of this on and off relationship between us is because we're far apart, and we haven't even met each other at all (we only know each other online). We last broke up around April last year. However, we then met each other last January, and we started dating again.
However, we had problems. One of the main reason (which leads to the break up) is because I'm "too honest". I tell her things like : I feel attracted to another girl in my city (but I said that I still love her), I'm unsure if we will marry each other, and things like that, which hurt her and made her really sad. But honestly, I didn't do it to make her sad; I did it because I feel that I betrayed her feelings and I just wanted to be honest.
Moreover, we had a hard time maintaining our relationship, because the internet in our country is pretty bad. Which means low-res video calls which often disconnects. Plus, she and all of her family members lives in a single room. Which means no privacy during phone calls or video calls. So we rarely did them, and most of the time we just use instant messaging, which I think is a bad idea, but we have no choice.
After a month, the "honeymoon phase" was over and I didn't care for her as much, which I think adds to the hole in her heart. However, she still said that even if I don't love her anymore, she's still okay with it and just wanted us to stay together forever. She really did love me so much, and she said I was perfect.
But that didn't last. Eventually, another guy in her office started to become close to her IRL and she became attracted to her. She didn't say it to me at first, but I kind of felt it, so I kept asking her, and she finally confessed. Then, on the next day (around mid April), she wanted to break up. I beg several times to her, but she refuses. She said that she's afraid that I'm still immature, and she's afraid that I'll be seeing another girl again. She also said that I doesn't care for her anymore, and she's tired. She said that she thought I was perfect, but it turns out that I'm evil inside.
A few days after, I contacted her, saying that I've reflected on everything, and I admit my mistakes, and I said that I'll learn to become better for her and all that. Then I apologized for my mistakes. She said that she's happy for that, and said that I'm a really nice guy, but she can't date me again because she's still afraid that I'll be "evil" again, and she has no feeling for me again. But she also said that maybe in the future, we'll be together again. Then I asked her if she still wants to meet me, and she said she does. I then said that I'll wait for her until forever, and I wished for her to be happy with the guy he's seeing.
Then I started no contact, but at the 15th day, I suddenly felt a HUGE urge to message her, and I did. I first asked how she's doing. I waited and it turns out she only "reads" it (in instant messaging service, you can know that, in case you didn't know). Then I thank her for choosing to break up with me, because I feel like I've grown up a lot after it (and I really did). Then I asked her if she wanted to stay as friends. I waited, and she still only reads it. Then I said something about why I wanted us to stay as friends, and she still didn't respond. Then I end it by saying that it's her loss, and I went to no contact again.
Here's the part that makes me confused right now.
A week after we broke up, a friend of mine said that he'll be working as an intern in her city from June to July, and I can stay with him in his flat if I want to. This is a HUGE chance, because if I go, I'll be able to stay in her city for a month. Which is a lot of time, considering that at January we only met for 3 days. I mentioned this in my last message, but she didn't respond anyway.
So I thought, maybe I won't go after all; I'll give her some more time.
But yesterday, I was invited by a friend to go to an event in her city on July, and I actually really wanted to go to this event.
Which means, I'll be going to her city, even if she doesn't want to meet me.
This all seems like there's some kind of divine intervention, because I kept getting the chance to go there after we broke up.
And so, I have a few questions :
1. Do you think I still have a chance to get her back?
2. Was my last message to her wrong (content-wise)?
3. I'm planning to contact her again on 26th of May, which means on 24 day of no contact. I chose this date because this was our anniversary. Should I do it on this day, or should I do it 6 day after it?
4. Can you please tell me what I should do now so that I can get back with her? I've done new things and started exercising, but is there anything else I could do?
By the way, we were together for 6 years, but this last one was only 3 months. I'm 20 and she's 18.
I apologize for this really long post, but as I said, I need your help, man.
Thank you for taking your time to read this.
1. Yes.
2. No but if she doesn't reply, you should not keep on messaging her.
3. Don't contact her on anniversary. Contact her two week before going to her city.
4. You already know what you need to do. I'll also recommend you go on a few dates before ending no contact.
Ah yes, I also want to ask, should we meet and should I ask her if she wants to meet?
The last time we met, she actually was still dating another guy and had no feeling for me, but after we met, she instantly loves me again and we started dating again.
Like I said get back in touch with her two weeks before going to her city. If she is warm, then ask her to meet.
Like I said get back in touch with her two weeks before going to her city. If she is warm, then ask her to meet.
Like I said get back in touch with her two weeks before going to her city. If she is warm, then ask her to meet.
1. Yes.
2. No but if she doesn't reply, you should not keep on messaging her.
3. Don't contact her on anniversary. Contact her two week before going to her city.
4. You already know what you need to do. I'll also recommend you go on a few dates before ending no contact.
Ah yes, I also want to ask, should we meet and should I ask her if she wants to meet?
The last time we met, she actually was still dating another guy and had no feeling for me, but after we met, she instantly loves me again and we started dating again.
Hi Kevin, love the work you're doing here. I just wanted to ask a question about whether you agree with my situation.
My girlfriend and I dated for a total of 3 months. We were "seeing" each other for the first month, but that was totally exclusive, like we'd stay round each other's places, met each other's friends, and would gradually get more intimate, and then after making it "official" we were together for the last 2 months, meeting each other's parents, all the things a boyfriend/girlfriend normally do.
We broke up on reasonable grounds: she's going through a lot of personal problems right now with health and mental state, and she kinda unloaded that onto me, and she felt guilty that she wasn't treating me properly. She'd be snappy/curt/cold, and she knew I was suffering for it. On reflection we also realised that we didn't have that much in common, so i guess our relationship was built mainly on attraction which i know isn't ideal, but we still made it work for a while. I add that I would try and take an interest in her things, like reality TV, because I loved her and wanted to be interested in her likes. Her state of mind made her a little self-centred and unempathetic, so she'd never take an interest in mine (I'm sure you can see why it had to end). The break up was very clean and mutual: i knew i was suffering and thought maybe we could work it out, but we talked it through and realised there was no fix.
We were quite private about our relationship on FB, only one picture, she posted on my wall once to ask if my phone had died, i'd posted on her birthday, no statuses about one another and not even "in a relationship" though all friends/family knew we were. She said she doesn't like posting personal things on Facebook.
Less than 2 months after we broke up she posted a picture of herself with a new guy, and within 2 weeks of that she's "in a relationship" with him, posting many pictures and statuses and seems much happier with him. Do you think this could be a rebound? My reasons for thinking so is that we took time to develop our feelings for one another (that first month) and took things slowly, we had our problems but were very close. The breakup was very difficult for her. She has definitely rushed things with this guy (they've been together now for about a month) are "in a relationship" on Facebook and she's being very over-the-top with her openness on social media about him in general. She's known him for a while as he's from the town where she lives, they were in high school together (we both study at university which is a 3 hour drive from her hometown, he still lives there). Any help/advice/insight you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance :)
Looks like a rebound to me.
Thanks Kevin. Let me add to this that the week before she initially posted the picture of herself with her now-boyfriend I saw her at a nightclub making out with some guy that is NOT the guy she's currently dating, and also looking over at me in between kisses (I was there with my sports team, she was there for a friend's birthday and we knew by that point of the night that each other was in the club). And then a week later, she's all of a sudden with her guy. Does this strengthen the fact it could be a rebound? And she was definitely looking over at me, our breakup was clean, can you think of a reason why she very blatantly looked over at me?
Yes it does. She wanted to send you a message that she is moving on. But if she needs to do that, then she probably isn't over you yet and is quite immature.
I guess. I had the feeling she might have an immaturity about her, her current state of mind could make her this way or bad experience from a previous relationship might make her treat her exes this way. She's not openly hurting me, that was just a subtle thing. And of course she's now got a new guy now so it doesn't matter; if she's happy then good for her, that's all I want for her anyway, before now and in the future. I'd be naive to say that just because it's a rebound it won't work, I'm aware it very well could, but in that just-less-than 2 month period since us breaking up and her getting this new guy she would contact me from time to time. Like we were at a party together and after I'd left she texted me to say she was upset and had no-one to talk to. I didn't call her to talk or anything, just asked what was wrong, but got no response. Even the night after I saw her making out with that guy she texted to say she saw me last night and if I had a good night. I responded but got nothing back. My friends all seem to think she has been manipulating my attention by doing things like this, as she only gets in touch when it suits her like when she's been upset etc. Of course if something is genuinely wrong I'd talk to her, but I have just 2 more questions:
1. do you agree with what my friends have said in regards to a slightly manipulative behaviour from her?
2.In hindsight i shouldn't ever have responded to her and have been in no-contact for about a month now, even though she's snapchatted me in that time (I didn't respond). IF it were to break down between them and she contacted me what would you suggest I do?
1. Yes
2. Yes, you shouldn't have contacted her. It seems she is texting you just to see if you are there for her and once she realizes that you are, she feels satisfied and doesn't respond to you anymore. If they breakup, and she contacts you, you can talk to her but don't show neediness and ask her to get back with you immediately.
1. Yes
2. Yes, you shouldn't have contacted her. It seems she is texting you just to see if you are there for her and once she realizes that you are, she feels satisfied and doesn't respond to you anymore. If they breakup, and she contacts you, you can talk to her but don't show neediness and ask her to get back with you immediately.
1. Yes
2. Yes, you shouldn't have contacted her. It seems she is texting you just to see if you are there for her and once she realizes that you are, she feels satisfied and doesn't respond to you anymore. If they breakup, and she contacts you, you can talk to her but don't show neediness and ask her to get back with you immediately.
1. Yes
2. Yes, you shouldn't have contacted her. It seems she is texting you just to see if you are there for her and once she realizes that you are, she feels satisfied and doesn't respond to you anymore. If they breakup, and she contacts you, you can talk to her but don't show neediness and ask her to get back with you immediately.
1. Yes
2. Yes, you shouldn't have contacted her. It seems she is texting you just to see if you are there for her and once she realizes that you are, she feels satisfied and doesn't respond to you anymore. If they breakup, and she contacts you, you can talk to her but don't show neediness and ask her to get back with you immediately.
1. Yes
2. Yes, you shouldn't have contacted her. It seems she is texting you just to see if you are there for her and once she realizes that you are, she feels satisfied and doesn't respond to you anymore. If they breakup, and she contacts you, you can talk to her but don't show neediness and ask her to get back with you immediately.
I guess. I had the feeling she might have an immaturity about her, her current state of mind could make her this way or bad experience from a previous relationship might make her treat her exes this way. She's not openly hurting me, that was just a subtle thing. And of course she's now got a new guy now so it doesn't matter; if she's happy then good for her, that's all I want for her anyway, before now and in the future. I'd be naive to say that just because it's a rebound it won't work, I'm aware it very well could, but in that just-less-than 2 month period since us breaking up and her getting this new guy she would contact me from time to time. Like we were at a party together and after I'd left she texted me to say she was upset and had no-one to talk to. I didn't call her to talk or anything, just asked what was wrong, but got no response. Even the night after I saw her making out with that guy she texted to say she saw me last night and if I had a good night. I responded but got nothing back. My friends all seem to think she has been manipulating my attention by doing things like this, as she only gets in touch when it suits her like when she's been upset etc. Of course if something is genuinely wrong I'd talk to her, but I have just 2 more questions:
1. do you agree with what my friends have said in regards to a slightly manipulative behaviour from her?
2.In hindsight i shouldn't ever have responded to her and have been in no-contact for about a month now, even though she's snapchatted me in that time (I didn't respond). IF it were to break down between them and she contacted me what would you suggest I do?
I guess. I had the feeling she might have an immaturity about her, her current state of mind could make her this way or bad experience from a previous relationship might make her treat her exes this way. She's not openly hurting me, that was just a subtle thing. And of course she's now got a new guy now so it doesn't matter; if she's happy then good for her, that's all I want for her anyway, before now and in the future. I'd be naive to say that just because it's a rebound it won't work, I'm aware it very well could, but in that just-less-than 2 month period since us breaking up and her getting this new guy she would contact me from time to time. Like we were at a party together and after I'd left she texted me to say she was upset and had no-one to talk to. I didn't call her to talk or anything, just asked what was wrong, but got no response. Even the night after I saw her making out with that guy she texted to say she saw me last night and if I had a good night. I responded but got nothing back. My friends all seem to think she has been manipulating my attention by doing things like this, as she only gets in touch when it suits her like when she's been upset etc. Of course if something is genuinely wrong I'd talk to her, but I have just 2 more questions:
1. do you agree with what my friends have said in regards to a slightly manipulative behaviour from her?
2.In hindsight i shouldn't ever have responded to her and have been in no-contact for about a month now, even though she's snapchatted me in that time (I didn't respond). IF it were to break down between them and she contacted me what would you suggest I do?
I guess. I had the feeling she might have an immaturity about her, her current state of mind could make her this way or bad experience from a previous relationship might make her treat her exes this way. She's not openly hurting me, that was just a subtle thing. And of course she's now got a new guy now so it doesn't matter; if she's happy then good for her, that's all I want for her anyway, before now and in the future. I'd be naive to say that just because it's a rebound it won't work, I'm aware it very well could, but in that just-less-than 2 month period since us breaking up and her getting this new guy she would contact me from time to time. Like we were at a party together and after I'd left she texted me to say she was upset and had no-one to talk to. I didn't call her to talk or anything, just asked what was wrong, but got no response. Even the night after I saw her making out with that guy she texted to say she saw me last night and if I had a good night. I responded but got nothing back. My friends all seem to think she has been manipulating my attention by doing things like this, as she only gets in touch when it suits her like when she's been upset etc. Of course if something is genuinely wrong I'd talk to her, but I have just 2 more questions:
1. do you agree with what my friends have said in regards to a slightly manipulative behaviour from her?
2.In hindsight i shouldn't ever have responded to her and have been in no-contact for about a month now, even though she's snapchatted me in that time (I didn't respond). IF it were to break down between them and she contacted me what would you suggest I do?
I guess. I had the feeling she might have an immaturity about her, her current state of mind could make her this way or bad experience from a previous relationship might make her treat her exes this way. She's not openly hurting me, that was just a subtle thing. And of course she's now got a new guy now so it doesn't matter; if she's happy then good for her, that's all I want for her anyway, before now and in the future. I'd be naive to say that just because it's a rebound it won't work, I'm aware it very well could, but in that just-less-than 2 month period since us breaking up and her getting this new guy she would contact me from time to time. Like we were at a party together and after I'd left she texted me to say she was upset and had no-one to talk to. I didn't call her to talk or anything, just asked what was wrong, but got no response. Even the night after I saw her making out with that guy she texted to say she saw me last night and if I had a good night. I responded but got nothing back. My friends all seem to think she has been manipulating my attention by doing things like this, as she only gets in touch when it suits her like when she's been upset etc. Of course if something is genuinely wrong I'd talk to her, but I have just 2 more questions:
1. do you agree with what my friends have said in regards to a slightly manipulative behaviour from her?
2.In hindsight i shouldn't ever have responded to her and have been in no-contact for about a month now, even though she's snapchatted me in that time (I didn't respond). IF it were to break down between them and she contacted me what would you suggest I do?
Also, she broke up with me
Yes it does. She wanted to send you a message that she is moving on. But if she needs to do that, then she probably isn't over you yet and is quite immature.
Also, she broke up with me
Yes it does. She wanted to send you a message that she is moving on. But if she needs to do that, then she probably isn't over you yet and is quite immature.
Also, she broke up with me
Yes it does. She wanted to send you a message that she is moving on. But if she needs to do that, then she probably isn't over you yet and is quite immature.
Also, she broke up with me
Thanks Kevin. Let me add to this that the week before she initially posted the picture of herself with her now-boyfriend I saw her at a nightclub making out with some guy that is NOT the guy she's currently dating, and also looking over at me in between kisses (I was there with my sports team, she was there for a friend's birthday and we knew by that point of the night that each other was in the club). And then a week later, she's all of a sudden with her guy. Does this strengthen the fact it could be a rebound? And she was definitely looking over at me, our breakup was clean, can you think of a reason why she very blatantly looked over at me?
Thanks Kevin. Let me add to this that the week before she initially posted the picture of herself with her now-boyfriend I saw her at a nightclub making out with some guy that is NOT the guy she's currently dating, and also looking over at me in between kisses (I was there with my sports team, she was there for a friend's birthday and we knew by that point of the night that each other was in the club). And then a week later, she's all of a sudden with her guy. Does this strengthen the fact it could be a rebound? And she was definitely looking over at me, our breakup was clean, can you think of a reason why she very blatantly looked over at me?
Looks like a rebound to me.
Hi Kevin,
I have been in a relationship with this girl for almost 14 months. We had a really great time. I lied to her about having another girlfriend before her, but i didn't and i was ashamed i didn't. I told her the truth later in the relationship and also told i was ashamed of not having one before. She was glad i told her the truth. After new year she broke up with me but we came back after 3 days so we didn't have any time to work on ourselfs. So we started dating for another 3 to 4 months again and now she broke up with me again a week ago. She said she misses the old me where she fell in love with in the first place and that if i become the old one again, she wil get back with me maybe. MAYBE. Some people i know say she still likes her other ex a LITTLE bit. So my parents tell me to just give up because this is the second time she broke up and if we get back together the 3rd time will also come. and friends of mine say that i just have to work on myself right now (parents told me that too) and see how it goes after a few weeks or a month. We both have past problems and i think those problems were bumping into each other which coused trouble for the both of us. She also said yesterday she wanted less contact. so i decided to no contact her at all, and will first talk to a terapist within a week and a half about my past problems. she also gets help with her problems in the next weeks. So my questions are: should i try it after a few weeks or a month, or do i just have to let it go and give up? also do you think she will go in a relationship with her other ex for a rebound or a permenant relationship?
thanks
Hey Mano,
Whether or not you should try again is for you to decide during the no contact period. Your therapist will definitely help you make the decision. If she goes into a relationship with her ex, then it's probably not a rebound. Although, it doesn't necessarily make it a permanent relationship.
Alright thanks for the advice. Also i forgot to mention a few things. Her best friend (girl) who is Also a friend of mine and she told me that it is probably not True that she likes her other ex. That the change she still has feelings for me is bigger then the change she likes her other ex. Also a few days ago she told me she still liked me bus she misses the old me and she Will back with me if i be the old One maybe (i think i said this before). So my questions are: feelings can't fade right away right? And does no contact really work for me even in this situation?
Yes, it does work for you. And talking to her best friend is not a good idea. Her best friend is also probably telling her about the fact that she spoke to you and it's going to make you look like a stalker.
Quick update Kevin,
I texted her how she was doing after her appointment with her terapist bus she said it is tomorrow. I Also called her (She agreed that i could call her) and i talked like i was doing great (i am sort of) and she said she didn't have any feelings for her other ex anymore. I could tell by her voice she was telling the truth so i now go back in no contact to see what is going to happen
Yes, it does work for you. And talking to her best friend is not a good idea. Her best friend is also probably telling her about the fact that she spoke to you and it's going to make you look like a stalker.
Quick update Kevin,
I texted her how she was doing after her appointment with her terapist bus she said it is tomorrow. I Also called her (She agreed that i could call her) and i talked like i was doing great (i am sort of) and she said she didn't have any feelings for her other ex anymore. I could tell by her voice she was telling the truth so i now go back in no contact to see what is going to happen
Yes, it does work for you. And talking to her best friend is not a good idea. Her best friend is also probably telling her about the fact that she spoke to you and it's going to make you look like a stalker.
Quick update Kevin,
I texted her how she was doing after her appointment with her terapist bus she said it is tomorrow. I Also called her (She agreed that i could call her) and i talked like i was doing great (i am sort of) and she said she didn't have any feelings for her other ex anymore. I could tell by her voice she was telling the truth so i now go back in no contact to see what is going to happen
Yes, it does work for you. And talking to her best friend is not a good idea. Her best friend is also probably telling her about the fact that she spoke to you and it's going to make you look like a stalker.
Quick update Kevin,
I texted her how she was doing after her appointment with her terapist bus she said it is tomorrow. I Also called her (She agreed that i could call her) and i talked like i was doing great (i am sort of) and she said she didn't have any feelings for her other ex anymore. I could tell by her voice she was telling the truth so i now go back in no contact to see what is going to happen
Alright thanks for the advice. Also i forgot to mention a few things. Her best friend (girl) who is Also a friend of mine and she told me that it is probably not True that she likes her other ex. That the change she still has feelings for me is bigger then the change she likes her other ex. Also a few days ago she told me she still liked me bus she misses the old me and she Will back with me if i be the old One maybe (i think i said this before). So my questions are: feelings can't fade right away right? And does no contact really work for me even in this situation?
Alright thanks for the advice. Also i forgot to mention a few things. Her best friend (girl) who is Also a friend of mine and she told me that it is probably not True that she likes her other ex. That the change she still has feelings for me is bigger then the change she likes her other ex. Also a few days ago she told me she still liked me bus she misses the old me and she Will back with me if i be the old One maybe (i think i said this before). So my questions are: feelings can't fade right away right? And does no contact really work for me even in this situation?
Hey Mano,
Whether or not you should try again is for you to decide during the no contact period. Your therapist will definitely help you make the decision. If she goes into a relationship with her ex, then it's probably not a rebound. Although, it doesn't necessarily make it a permanent relationship.
Hi Kevin,
First off, great article! thanks for this great advice.
My ex and I went through quite some turbulence from the beginning of our relationship.
When we started to hook up she was still with her boyfriend at the time but she broke it off to be with me. But we started living together from basically day 1 and I had just moved from living in Europe for 10 years, and being the person I am (I traveled a lot), for me to choose to settle down and stay here again was a big deal but I was willing to take a chance. During our time living there she was very insecure and constantly pulling on me and asking for confirmation, so much that it eventually drove me away.
It drove me to the point where I was constantly doubting if I had made the right choice to be here and I was starting to romanticise about being back in Europe, so instead of communicating my problems to her I panicked and broke up with her (stupid, I know). Within a week we met up again and started seeing each other again, and it was great but I had a business trip to Europe for 1,5 months I had to go to. So I went and we kept in touch and we said it would be a good opportunity to both work on our issues. Being in Europe seeing all my friends and the work related stress I had one day that was particularly difficult.
She texted me saying she loves me and I made a big mistake telling her that I was having a hard time and that at the moment I couldn't really say that back to her (even though I did actually love her). She (of course) completely freaked out and told me she had someone else in line that was willing to give her all the things she needs and that she was at the point of taking him up on his offer. Of course when she told me that I completely flipped out as well and basically told her to just go be with him then. And I completely broke off all communication, not reading anything she was writing me etc. To me that was an inexcusable thing to say at that moment. I was very angry at her for saying something like that.
Either way, in the mean time I of course missed her so much, and when I got back here I waited for a week or 2 to cool down and decided to go pick my remaining belongings from our apartment. I (desperately) told her that in my time away from her it made me realise that no place, fantasy or environment stood a chance at what I feel for her and that I was willing to completely go for her. She was acting like she was completely ok and said she was already seeing someone that was willing to give her everything she always wanted in a relationship.
I told her to maybe think it over and let me know the next week, I told her maybe we can just start seeing each other again and give us a fresh healthy an no pressured start. So I applied limited contact that week and we met up that Friday (that was one of the hardest weeks of my life). I asked her if she had thought about it and she said it she couldn't make a decision just like that and that she was moving closer to this new guy.
I told her that I wasn't planning on waiting around for her while she's seeing someone else, I wanted to give us another shot but not while she's seeing someone else in the meantime. And so I walked out hurt and feeling rejected
After that I made the mistake of sending her a text saying why I walked out and that I didn't mean to come across as angry and that I was just hurt to see that she replaced me so quickly with someone else. She said she hopes we can still have normal contact with each other, I told her that would be fine with me.
I still really want her back, and I've applied no contact for 3 days now and I'm wondering if this is really the right way to go.. did she really move on?
Hey Mike,
I think she is one of those people who are never single. I personally think the reason they are never single is because of some deep seated issues and this is the reason most of their relationship ends. I don't think you can have a healthy long lasting relationship with her. Even if you disagree with me, you should apply no contact for at least two months. I think you will still have a chance if you follow the plan.
Hey Mike,
I think she is one of those people who are never single. I personally think the reason they are never single is because of some deep seated issues and this is the reason most of their relationship ends. I don't think you can have a healthy long lasting relationship with her. Even if you disagree with me, you should apply no contact for at least two months. I think you will still have a chance if you follow the plan.
Hey Kevin, I wanted to offer my update on my situation. Don't know if you remember me but you have been very supportive the past few months. So, after some turbulent times today we met with my ex. It was not branded a date though it certainly felt like one. We had an amazing time, it felt just like when we first started dating. There was some serious bonding taking place, loads of eye contact, laughing etc. I am not sure if he was flirting with me though. We also stopped by the cemetery on our way back and took me along to visit his father's grave which I thought was strange but it was very emotional. We did not talk about "us" or the nature of our meeting/relationship. He is the one who is desperate to have me in his life "as a friend" which is why I m not really getting my hopes up that much. I think it went well though, I was left with a pleasant aftertaste and I am sure he was too so maybe not all hope is lost. I don't think we could have been in that position to be this comfortable around each other if we had not taken the time off to cool down. So once again a big thank you and I'll update again if anything happens so that other people can see that progress is possible.
Stacey
Kevin,
I know there are alot of similar scenarious but I think mine is different enough to post.
My ex and I were dating for close to 4 years. We began dating at a very strange time (when I was a senior in high-school, and she was a sohpmore) even though we were very close in age. We were really good friends that turned into dating and we fell in absolute love. I would come home to visit her any chance I could, we never had more fun with anyone else like the fun we had with each other, sex life was out of this world, and we constantly talked about the difficulty of our relationship and how we would make long distance work. When she got to college she began to be very short and distant, but always told me it was school related or sports related (she played sports).
I understood but my neieve, young mind would get paranoid a bit due to her being very very attractive. I knew she would never do anything, but it was hard not to suspect anything when I knew practically the whole school was going to be hitting on her on a daily basis. Long story short, we had a couple rough patches while we were at our respective schools, but during breaks and on summer / christmas breaks we were inseperable and it was as if nothing had ever happened. Then, my final semester in college, we were visiting each other alot and she asked me to go on spring break with her family - which I did and it was great - and a week after that there was nothing. A txt maybe once every three days with a very short message, lying, avoiding me, etc. My birthday was two weeks after the spring break trip and she practically broke up with me but was so vague about it I was unsure what she meant.
Then I asked her to come to my graduation and she said she would, but then one day before it she called me and told me she was going to the Kentucky Derby with her friends and couldnt make it. That was the real break up and I knew it was over. I avoided contact with her to the best of my ability (responding to her txt a week late, or not at all, with a short message that was veyr vague). Then a traumatic experience happened to her during July and I was the one who her friends contacted when it happened. I had always cared SO much about this girl, and always wanted to be there for her when something happened. So, when this happened all my feelings came rushing back because I felt compelled to help her. She came home for the rest of the summer (I was home for good now) and we saw each other a couple times and it was like it was normally when we were home.
Then, it all started again and she became distant and randomly told me we couldnt see each other and started seeing another guy immediately. I didnt take that news too well and called her to ask how she was with someone so quickly (I know this was dumb) and she told me the most hurtful things I had ever heard, such as "I was pretending to love you all last year and you were too dumb to notice," "Im a girl and I dont have to explain myself," "Have a good life, maybe ill see you in three years."
After that conversation I ended all contact with her and have not contacted her since. My birthday was in April and I was dreading her saying happy birthday because I didnt want to be tempted to respond. Three days after my birthday she sent a "happy late birthday, I hope you had a great time and everything is going well" text. I never responded but I just have been thinking ever since if she still has feelings for me or if this was just a kind gestgure. I think she might even be with another guy at the moment too which also confuses me.
Sorry for the long post, but any advice or suggestions as to what I probably should be thinking about her right now would be very helpful.
Thanks.
Hey Tom,
It's good that you are not responding to her text. In my opinion, she wants to explore her options and doesn't want to be tied down at such a young age. I'll recommend you do the same. If you are meant to be together, you will end up together after a while.
Hey Tom,
It's good that you are not responding to her text. In my opinion, she wants to explore her options and doesn't want to be tied down at such a young age. I'll recommend you do the same. If you are meant to be together, you will end up together after a while.
Hello, my ex boyfriend and I were together for four and half years, we got together our senior year in high school and we are now 21. Our relationship was great other than communication. I would tell him everything and anytime something was bothering me but he wouldn't. It was almost like he had to much pride to let someone know he needed to talk. Other than that we made each other laugh we had all the same interests. I recently took a new job in January were u had to work every weekend and he was only off on weekends so we didnt get to spend much time together. He broke up with me about a month ago out of nowhere we hadn't been arguing or anything. Then a week later he was already with someone else they aren't in an relationship but they spend a lot of time together. I have followed the no contact rule and just been going out having fun with friends. He texted me once saying he heard was messing around with someone else and I told him I was just hanging out with a friend and he said he was just picking on me and I didn't reply back. Do you think we have a chance of working things out and getting back together?
Yes, you do have a chance. On a side note, if your relationship doesn't have good communication, it should not be considered great.
Yes, you do have a chance. On a side note, if your relationship doesn't have good communication, it should not be considered great.
Hi Kevin, I would like to explain my entire situation from the beginning so that you may better understand the situation because without understanding the full picture it can seem like it was nothing. I am 17 years old and in high school currently and five months ago I met an amazing women named Cianna, she had recently broke up with her boyfriend who had attempted to cheat on her when we met and we began talking and really hit it off and would spend all day texting and it seemed like things were going well until she decided to get back together with her boyfriend. She told me that she really liked me and that i did nothing wrong, that she had just been good friends with her boyfriend for four years before the dated and she wanted to give him another chance. It sucked but we remained friends and but it was difficult at times because we both still had feelings for each other which naturally caused all sorts of problems for us and it put stress on her relationship. She continued to date him for about three and a half months during which I began my own relationship but it never became serious and ended after a month and a half. I remained friends with my ex and she and Cianna became pretty good friends too and Cianna often looked to her for advice. After I broke up with my girlfriend, Cianna and I became closer and began to hang out more often which only intensified our feelings for one another to the point where we almost let things happen between us. This caused many problems between her, her best friend who hated me and her boyfriend who also disliked me and at one point Cianna told me we could no longer be friends because her feelings were putting too much stress on her friendship and her relationship with her boyfriend but the next day she decided that she wasn’t going to let them ruin our friendship and told them that they had to get over the fact that we were friends and this again only brought us closer and we began texting 24/7 and face timing most nights. About seven weeks ago she called me very distressed and told me she believed she might be pregnant and that she didn’t know what to do, I asked her what her boyfriend said and she told she hadn’t told him yet and that I was the first to know. The next day she told her boyfriend and he acted as if she was over reacting and after a few days he told his mother who threatened to tell Cianna’s father if she was pregnant who would make her keep the baby so she broke up with her boyfriend and I spent the next week and a half doing everything I could to cheer her up and research all the options and get her pregnancy tests to take and in the end it turned out she wasn’t pregnant. After all that we were closer than ever and spent every opportunity we could get together which wasn’t much because of our busy schedules but when we did it was great but she still wasn’t quite ready to start anything yet. a few weeks went by and the tension between us grew until she said she was ready to really start something. Throughout the next two weeks we saw each other whenever possible an she often told me how she felt about me and how I made her feel but we still hadn’t kissed yet which she said was because she was so nervous but I didn’t mind because I wanted her to be comfortable and then we did finally kiss and a week after that was the Saturday before Easter and she told her parents that she was going to spend the night with her best friend but I actually took her to the movies and we spent the whole night after that walking around and eventually things happened and it was great. However this is where things go bad, after spending the next few days unable to see each other we were looking forward to Tuesday but sometime during school she bumped into her ex and the had a hug and after that she was very depressed and wouldn’t talk to anyone which I understood because it was a person she had known for a long time and once had strong feelings for but that still didn’t settle my nerves and kept trying to call her to make sure she was okay but that night she called me and told me that we needed to breakup and that it was for the best and I was asking if she was going back to her ex but she said no. That night I went to a party and got messed up and she found out and called someone to pick me up and the next day I texted her and things between us already started to look better and her friend was telling me that all the stress in her life had just caught up to her and that it would blow over and me and her would be fine. I asked her if it would make her feel better if I went to meet her after her study hall and she said sure but that made me think she was only doing it for my benefit which is not what I wanted, if she need space I wanted to give it to her so I asked again but this time she said not really because she was kinda mad at me because she found out I had plans to go back out that night to take my mind off things but I told her I wouldn’t go. But about ten minutes later my old girlfriend who is friends with Cianna and I told me that she had been talking to Cianna and that she actually did want to see me and sent me a picture of the text where she had said it so I tried to text Cianna back but i couldn’t get a hold of her so decided to go anyways and surprise her so I rode my bike eight miles up and down hills to our school and when I get there it turns out study hall had been canceled and she had just told her dad so I asked if she could tell him she made a mistake and it was actually on but she wouldn’t and then she got a ride home from her friend. I was really tired and wanted to rest for a bit so I told her I was gonna swing by her place which was on my way before her dad got home so I could get a break but she said not to but I was already upset from the day before and angry about today and in was tired so I told her I was just gonna stop by for a second and that I would be there in fifteen minutes and this made her angry and when i got there she had left to go on a walk so I tried calling her because I wanted to talk to her but she wouldn’t answer so I called her friend and the I went to see if I could catch up with her but then I get a call from her saying that she didn’t want to be friends anymore. After that I tried to call her again and text her but she just told me she was done and so I tried to call her friend who now hated me again. So I waited ten days before I tried to see her again but when I did she wouldn’t look at me or listen to anything I had to say and she just kept walking and put her headphones in. Then I waited another week and this time she kept walking but she did somewhat listen to what I said but still wouldn’t look at me and she just told me that she was done, and I told her the break up was a good idea and that it was for the best. That was yesterday. She has also been seeing another guy since exactly a week after we had our fight but she doesn’t know that I know that. What do I do from here Kevin, I’m head over heals for this girl and she has told me more than once she felt the same way if not more so, I know that I can make her happy and that with a second chance I wouldn’t mess it up?
Hey Zach,
I read it the first time you posted. I replied to your comment here.
Hey Zach,
I read it the first time you posted. I replied to your comment here.
hi my babys dad walked out on us 6 months ago to be with another woman hes disowned my 8 year old son who has autism and only wants to see his 2 year daughter if hes with his girlfriend otherwise hes not interested in seeing her.ive text him alot everyday since he left and his replys are that hes going to make my life so hard for me im going to end up killing myself or he hopes i get cancer and die a slow painfull death.nice i know but i still love him and want him to want to come back and realise what hes done to us,hes changed since hes got with this new girlfriend in a big way ,please help me
Wow. Claire, I think you just feel rejected and/or are afraid of being single after so long. I will recommend you start no contact for at least six months and learn to be happy without him. If after six months, you still want him, then get back in touch with him.
Wow. Claire, I think you just feel rejected and/or are afraid of being single after so long. I will recommend you start no contact for at least six months and learn to be happy without him. If after six months, you still want him, then get back in touch with him.
Hi Kevin
I have read the page and all the articles and are working through Ryan's Relationship Rewind.
Me and my ex was together for 8 years we are both 29.
We broke up 8 months ago.
We tried to be civiliced about it and said we would remain friends. When im looking back at it i realise that im falling for all of the traps in the book by that deal.
Lately ive been trying to distance myself from her so she will have to reach out for me.
What im trying to work out is if the best cause of action still would be to go for the letter and then continue onwards even if we at this point are in a "good" friendship.
I think if i stay in this friendship state that will be as far as it goes.
I also have an issue with the 30 day rule, we have some commone hobbies so i cant totaly stay away from her but can minimize it. Will that be a possible solution or will that be a futile struggle?
I think it's still OK if you minimize contact. Just make sure you don't talk about your feelings, personal life, the breakup or the relationship. Although, complete no contact will be better.
I think it's still OK if you minimize contact. Just make sure you don't talk about your feelings, personal life, the breakup or the relationship. Although, complete no contact will be better.
Can I do no contact for 2 weeks? What if he moves on - he's already flirting with other girls? Hes cold towards me, says he doesnt want to open up to me says there's no point, what do I do?! I don't think I'm gonna last through no contact!! Help me
If he's cold towards you, 2 weeks is not enough time for no contact.
If he's cold towards you, 2 weeks is not enough time for no contact.
Hi Kevin,
I am going to meet my ex after the no contact period. And we are friends now. It would be a movie and a lunch. She's confused as she really wants to be my friend but she's not sure if she wants to get back. She has said many times that she misses me too. But i had given her the space we both needed. Kevin please tell me what should I do from now onwards? And also please tell me what should i do during the "not to be told Date" with her?
Don't show any signs of neediness and don't try to pressure her into getting back together. Just have fun and go with the flow. Don't make any big moves right now. Wait until at least third or fourth date.
Don't show any signs of neediness and don't try to pressure her into getting back together. Just have fun and go with the flow. Don't make any big moves right now. Wait until at least third or fourth date.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my ex were talking for 6 months and started dating for 2 months until I Broke Up With Him. He Didn't Know How To Communicate And Then I Saw How Good He Was Doing Without Me & I Have Been A Wreck Ever Since. I Love Him & He Tells Me He Loves ME Every time I See Him. We See Each Other Only If I Need Him To Take Me Somewhere Or If He Needs Something and Vice Versa. He Has A Son Who Is One but Without me Being In His Life He Moved Into A Girls House He Has Known Since They Were Kids ( He's 21) He Has A Car Now Too. He Tells Me He Has Love For Both Of Us(The Girl He Stays With). I Don't Know What to think of that statement. Idk What To Do.
Thanks
- Neisha
My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me three weeks ago. It started with me saying "this isn't working" out of frustration after a tough day. I've done it many times before, because the past few months I've been very unhappy because of work, school, and side effects of medications I was on. I think that was the final straw for him, and he was tired of having to cheer me up. After a few days of and awkward in-between stage (or what I thought it was), I regretted the conversation and tried to get him back. He told me that he wanted a break, and I said no, we're either together or we're not. I should have agreed to the break, but I wanted him back then and there and didn't want to have to wait. Since then its been downhill. Every time I tried to break it off before he told me not to give up on something so good just because times get hard. I wrote a letter and left it on his car and made a lot of the mistakes. I tried to show him that I was just as willing to fight for him as he was for me. He gave me many mixed signals, like saying that when we were in the relationship he wanted to have a talk, but he didn't want it to end in a break up. The past few weeks I've been asking him if things will change and he keeps saying "not right now" and when I ask about the future he says "maybe" or "I don't know." He has also been treating me horribly. He ignores me and speaks down to me rudely. Two days ago, I tried to confront him, and he said he was annoyed by me not giving him enough space. He also said that in the future, he wants to be broken up. He says that we don't get along and that he was tired of putting in effort and doing everything I wanted. I tried to tell him that I've learned from my mistakes, but it doesn't seem to change anything. I'm scared because we only have a year of school left, so if its going to happen it needs to happen now. He has a new friend that is a girl that he seems very close to, but she is the complete opposite of me and I think its just a rebound. I know that he's just thinking about all the bad parts, but I'm scared that he will never try to remember the good. I've decided to give him space and cut off contact completely. But I'm also scared that he's not going to change his mind. He's been numbing himself with other girls and alcohol. He has also grown distant from all his friends. Is his new "I don't care" attitude just a phase or is it here to stay? I want to give him time to miss me, but I'm scared that the feelings will go away within that time. How do I tell him that I've learned from my mistakes and it will be different the second time around?
If you tell him, it'll look like you are just saying it to get back with him. Instead, let him realize it on his own. Read the 5 step plan.
Thank you so much for the advice. It's really great. Right now I know that my ex is convincing himself not to come back because of all the negative things toward the end of the relationship. I was going to send a letter sometime after NC apologizing for the last few months of the relationship and explaining how I was not myself. Do you think this is a good idea? I think it will help him let go of any anger/confusion that he has so that we can truly have a fresh start. But I'm also scared that if he has already let go of his anger, it will bring back up all the old negative feelings. There is no way for me to gauge how he is feeling because of NC. Thanks!
Don't go overboard with the apology in the letter. Keep it short.
What is your best advice if he is annoyed at me? I get that he needs space and have started NC. I am scared though that NC will make him forget me. I want to show him that I have changed, but he seems to be annoyed to be around me. Should I let him contact me first? Also, should I extend NC until he contacts me? I have read the plan multiple times but I don't understand how to make it so that getting back together is his idea. I'm scared that I have pushed him away (I made some of the deadly mistakes, but it was because he always told me never to give up on our relationship every time I tried to end it) to the point where has made up his mind for good and is saying "never again." Any tips on how to help/get him to be open to trying again?
There's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan. That will tell you how long you should extend your no contact. I don't think you should extend it till he contacts you. Use that checklist.
If you make positive changes in your life and work through the issues that lead to the breakup in the first place, he will start thinking about getting back together on his own. This is provided you don't show any signs of neediness and make it obvious that you are making changes just to get him back. When you meet him, spend some time with him, start talking to him on a regular basis, he will realize it on his own.
As for him opening up. No contact does a good job of repairing the damage and the letter and the texts do a good job of opening communication between you two.
There's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan. That will tell you how long you should extend your no contact. I don't think you should extend it till he contacts you. Use that checklist.
If you make positive changes in your life and work through the issues that lead to the breakup in the first place, he will start thinking about getting back together on his own. This is provided you don't show any signs of neediness and make it obvious that you are making changes just to get him back. When you meet him, spend some time with him, start talking to him on a regular basis, he will realize it on his own.
As for him opening up. No contact does a good job of repairing the damage and the letter and the texts do a good job of opening communication between you two.
There's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan. That will tell you how long you should extend your no contact. I don't think you should extend it till he contacts you. Use that checklist.
If you make positive changes in your life and work through the issues that lead to the breakup in the first place, he will start thinking about getting back together on his own. This is provided you don't show any signs of neediness and make it obvious that you are making changes just to get him back. When you meet him, spend some time with him, start talking to him on a regular basis, he will realize it on his own.
As for him opening up. No contact does a good job of repairing the damage and the letter and the texts do a good job of opening communication between you two.
There's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan. That will tell you how long you should extend your no contact. I don't think you should extend it till he contacts you. Use that checklist.
If you make positive changes in your life and work through the issues that lead to the breakup in the first place, he will start thinking about getting back together on his own. This is provided you don't show any signs of neediness and make it obvious that you are making changes just to get him back. When you meet him, spend some time with him, start talking to him on a regular basis, he will realize it on his own.
As for him opening up. No contact does a good job of repairing the damage and the letter and the texts do a good job of opening communication between you two.
There's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan. That will tell you how long you should extend your no contact. I don't think you should extend it till he contacts you. Use that checklist.
If you make positive changes in your life and work through the issues that lead to the breakup in the first place, he will start thinking about getting back together on his own. This is provided you don't show any signs of neediness and make it obvious that you are making changes just to get him back. When you meet him, spend some time with him, start talking to him on a regular basis, he will realize it on his own.
As for him opening up. No contact does a good job of repairing the damage and the letter and the texts do a good job of opening communication between you two.
There's a checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan. That will tell you how long you should extend your no contact. I don't think you should extend it till he contacts you. Use that checklist.
If you make positive changes in your life and work through the issues that lead to the breakup in the first place, he will start thinking about getting back together on his own. This is provided you don't show any signs of neediness and make it obvious that you are making changes just to get him back. When you meet him, spend some time with him, start talking to him on a regular basis, he will realize it on his own.
As for him opening up. No contact does a good job of repairing the damage and the letter and the texts do a good job of opening communication between you two.
Thanks! You are basically confirming everything I have been thinking. Also, do you have any tips on how to react if the ex is being a jerk? My ex has changed from a loving, kind man who wouldn't hurt a fly to an asshole. He says that he's annoyed so I have given him space. It's difficult to cut him out of my life though because we go to the same school and have the same friends. I am trying to take a break from him and everything related to him (basically my whole life) but I find myself alone obsessing over our relationship. It's been a month since we broke up and a week since the start of NC and I have no clue what he is thinking. I also hear rumors daily about him and another girl. He has called me names behind my back and acts like he hates me, even though he swears that he doesn't. The last time we talked we argued in front of his new girl over things that he has said to me. I would ignore him, but I hate that he's getting away with treating other people like crap. He's changed for the worst and everyone sees it but no one will confront him. Any suggestions for bringing out the sweet, loving man he was to me? Also, what should I do when I see him and his new girl together? I know part of him deep down still cares, so should I let him know that he's hurting me? Doesn't help that his new girl is a bigger asshole than he is. Just need some advice for coping with this weird post-breakup situation.
His change is behavior is part of the hot and cold behavior mentioned in the article. The best way is to not react to it and be calm and confident no matter how he acts to you. When you see them together, avoid talking to them if at all possible. If you have to talk, keep the conversation short, be upbeat and make an excuse and leave.
His change is behavior is part of the hot and cold behavior mentioned in the article. The best way is to not react to it and be calm and confident no matter how he acts to you. When you see them together, avoid talking to them if at all possible. If you have to talk, keep the conversation short, be upbeat and make an excuse and leave.
His change is behavior is part of the hot and cold behavior mentioned in the article. The best way is to not react to it and be calm and confident no matter how he acts to you. When you see them together, avoid talking to them if at all possible. If you have to talk, keep the conversation short, be upbeat and make an excuse and leave.
His change is behavior is part of the hot and cold behavior mentioned in the article. The best way is to not react to it and be calm and confident no matter how he acts to you. When you see them together, avoid talking to them if at all possible. If you have to talk, keep the conversation short, be upbeat and make an excuse and leave.
His change is behavior is part of the hot and cold behavior mentioned in the article. The best way is to not react to it and be calm and confident no matter how he acts to you. When you see them together, avoid talking to them if at all possible. If you have to talk, keep the conversation short, be upbeat and make an excuse and leave.
His change is behavior is part of the hot and cold behavior mentioned in the article. The best way is to not react to it and be calm and confident no matter how he acts to you. When you see them together, avoid talking to them if at all possible. If you have to talk, keep the conversation short, be upbeat and make an excuse and leave.
What is your best advice if he is annoyed at me? I get that he needs space and have started NC. I am scared though that NC will make him forget me. I want to show him that I have changed, but he seems to be annoyed to be around me. Should I let him contact me first? Also, should I extend NC until he contacts me? I have read the plan multiple times but I don't understand how to make it so that getting back together is his idea. I'm scared that I have pushed him away (I made some of the deadly mistakes, but it was because he always told me never to give up on our relationship every time I tried to end it) to the point where has made up his mind for good and is saying "never again." Any tips on how to help/get him to be open to trying again?
Thanks! You are basically confirming everything I have been thinking. Also, do you have any tips on how to react if the ex is being a jerk? My ex has changed from a loving, kind man who wouldn't hurt a fly to an asshole. He says that he's annoyed so I have given him space. It's difficult to cut him out of my life though because we go to the same school and have the same friends. I am trying to take a break from him and everything related to him (basically my whole life) but I find myself alone obsessing over our relationship. It's been a month since we broke up and a week since the start of NC and I have no clue what he is thinking. I also hear rumors daily about him and another girl. He has called me names behind my back and acts like he hates me, even though he swears that he doesn't. The last time we talked we argued in front of his new girl over things that he has said to me. I would ignore him, but I hate that he's getting away with treating other people like crap. He's changed for the worst and everyone sees it but no one will confront him. Any suggestions for bringing out the sweet, loving man he was to me? Also, what should I do when I see him and his new girl together? I know part of him deep down still cares, so should I let him know that he's hurting me? Doesn't help that his new girl is a bigger asshole than he is. Just need some advice for coping with this weird post-breakup situation.
What is your best advice if he is annoyed at me? I get that he needs space and have started NC. I am scared though that NC will make him forget me. I want to show him that I have changed, but he seems to be annoyed to be around me. Should I let him contact me first? Also, should I extend NC until he contacts me? I have read the plan multiple times but I don't understand how to make it so that getting back together is his idea. I'm scared that I have pushed him away (I made some of the deadly mistakes, but it was because he always told me never to give up on our relationship every time I tried to end it) to the point where has made up his mind for good and is saying "never again." Any tips on how to help/get him to be open to trying again?
Thanks! You are basically confirming everything I have been thinking. Also, do you have any tips on how to react if the ex is being a jerk? My ex has changed from a loving, kind man who wouldn't hurt a fly to an asshole. He says that he's annoyed so I have given him space. It's difficult to cut him out of my life though because we go to the same school and have the same friends. I am trying to take a break from him and everything related to him (basically my whole life) but I find myself alone obsessing over our relationship. It's been a month since we broke up and a week since the start of NC and I have no clue what he is thinking. I also hear rumors daily about him and another girl. He has called me names behind my back and acts like he hates me, even though he swears that he doesn't. The last time we talked we argued in front of his new girl over things that he has said to me. I would ignore him, but I hate that he's getting away with treating other people like crap. He's changed for the worst and everyone sees it but no one will confront him. Any suggestions for bringing out the sweet, loving man he was to me? Also, what should I do when I see him and his new girl together? I know part of him deep down still cares, so should I let him know that he's hurting me? Doesn't help that his new girl is a bigger asshole than he is. Just need some advice for coping with this weird post-breakup situation.
What is your best advice if he is annoyed at me? I get that he needs space and have started NC. I am scared though that NC will make him forget me. I want to show him that I have changed, but he seems to be annoyed to be around me. Should I let him contact me first? Also, should I extend NC until he contacts me? I have read the plan multiple times but I don't understand how to make it so that getting back together is his idea. I'm scared that I have pushed him away (I made some of the deadly mistakes, but it was because he always told me never to give up on our relationship every time I tried to end it) to the point where has made up his mind for good and is saying "never again." Any tips on how to help/get him to be open to trying again?
Thanks! You are basically confirming everything I have been thinking. Also, do you have any tips on how to react if the ex is being a jerk? My ex has changed from a loving, kind man who wouldn't hurt a fly to an asshole. He says that he's annoyed so I have given him space. It's difficult to cut him out of my life though because we go to the same school and have the same friends. I am trying to take a break from him and everything related to him (basically my whole life) but I find myself alone obsessing over our relationship. It's been a month since we broke up and a week since the start of NC and I have no clue what he is thinking. I also hear rumors daily about him and another girl. He has called me names behind my back and acts like he hates me, even though he swears that he doesn't. The last time we talked we argued in front of his new girl over things that he has said to me. I would ignore him, but I hate that he's getting away with treating other people like crap. He's changed for the worst and everyone sees it but no one will confront him. Any suggestions for bringing out the sweet, loving man he was to me? Also, what should I do when I see him and his new girl together? I know part of him deep down still cares, so should I let him know that he's hurting me? Doesn't help that his new girl is a bigger asshole than he is. Just need some advice for coping with this weird post-breakup situation.
What is your best advice if he is annoyed at me? I get that he needs space and have started NC. I am scared though that NC will make him forget me. I want to show him that I have changed, but he seems to be annoyed to be around me. Should I let him contact me first? Also, should I extend NC until he contacts me? I have read the plan multiple times but I don't understand how to make it so that getting back together is his idea. I'm scared that I have pushed him away (I made some of the deadly mistakes, but it was because he always told me never to give up on our relationship every time I tried to end it) to the point where has made up his mind for good and is saying "never again." Any tips on how to help/get him to be open to trying again?
Thanks! You are basically confirming everything I have been thinking. Also, do you have any tips on how to react if the ex is being a jerk? My ex has changed from a loving, kind man who wouldn't hurt a fly to an asshole. He says that he's annoyed so I have given him space. It's difficult to cut him out of my life though because we go to the same school and have the same friends. I am trying to take a break from him and everything related to him (basically my whole life) but I find myself alone obsessing over our relationship. It's been a month since we broke up and a week since the start of NC and I have no clue what he is thinking. I also hear rumors daily about him and another girl. He has called me names behind my back and acts like he hates me, even though he swears that he doesn't. The last time we talked we argued in front of his new girl over things that he has said to me. I would ignore him, but I hate that he's getting away with treating other people like crap. He's changed for the worst and everyone sees it but no one will confront him. Any suggestions for bringing out the sweet, loving man he was to me? Also, what should I do when I see him and his new girl together? I know part of him deep down still cares, so should I let him know that he's hurting me? Doesn't help that his new girl is a bigger asshole than he is. Just need some advice for coping with this weird post-breakup situation.
Don't go overboard with the apology in the letter. Keep it short.
Don't go overboard with the apology in the letter. Keep it short.
Don't go overboard with the apology in the letter. Keep it short.
Thank you so much for the advice. It's really great. Right now I know that my ex is convincing himself not to come back because of all the negative things toward the end of the relationship. I was going to send a letter sometime after NC apologizing for the last few months of the relationship and explaining how I was not myself. Do you think this is a good idea? I think it will help him let go of any anger/confusion that he has so that we can truly have a fresh start. But I'm also scared that if he has already let go of his anger, it will bring back up all the old negative feelings. There is no way for me to gauge how he is feeling because of NC. Thanks!
Thank you so much for the advice. It's really great. Right now I know that my ex is convincing himself not to come back because of all the negative things toward the end of the relationship. I was going to send a letter sometime after NC apologizing for the last few months of the relationship and explaining how I was not myself. Do you think this is a good idea? I think it will help him let go of any anger/confusion that he has so that we can truly have a fresh start. But I'm also scared that if he has already let go of his anger, it will bring back up all the old negative feelings. There is no way for me to gauge how he is feeling because of NC. Thanks!
If you tell him, it'll look like you are just saying it to get back with him. Instead, let him realize it on his own. Read the 5 step plan.
Okay so almost a month ago my boyfriend and I broke. A week before we actually ended it he asked if we could try a one week break to see how things were, uneasy about it, I accepted it to avoid fighting. At the end of the break we had a casual phone call and talked like normal but decided to break up. Without realizing it was an actual rule, I was doing the no-contact rule. Though sometimes I broke it for a snap chat or something that was it. Recently, he contacted my friend and was asking a variety of questions about me like if I hated him and if other guys were trying to talk to me. He also told her he missed me, "a looooot." But he never acted on it. So about a week after he did that, I decided to have a conversation with him and we've talked everyday this week. He again contacted my friend asking questions about if I've been talking about him and if so it was nice. He told her we've been talking lately and might hang out this weekend. When this weekend came, he ditched our plans and gave me excuses that he was going to be too busy and wanted to hang out with friends and what not. After talking for the morning of that day to explain we weren't hanging out, we haven't talked since. I tried snap chatting him but he didn't reply. I kind of thought that I was getting a good lead again but I wasn't trying to get my hopes up and here I am upset again.. What should I do now?
Start no contact again.
Start no contact again.
What if my ex contacts me and tells me he wants me back within the 30 days? Still completely ignore and wait until the 30 days are over? Is saying that i need more time breaking the no-contact rules?
If you are sure you want him back, you can reply to him. But don't take him back immediately. Play it cool and let him prove that he really means it.
Of course, if you need more time, then telling him you need time is not breaking no contact.
If you are sure you want him back, you can reply to him. But don't take him back immediately. Play it cool and let him prove that he really means it.
Of course, if you need more time, then telling him you need time is not breaking no contact.
Hey Kevin I appreciate this post.
So me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and she recently was forced to make a descision that requires her to move away. Now we knew this was coming and we had been talking about it for a while and we had always agreed that I would move up there with her and she wanted that.
Now recently I asked her if she needed me up there or be and she didn't know the answer to that. So that made her freak out and she started thinking that if the answer wasn't automatically yes it must mean she doesn't love me as much as she thought. And that started the mental train down the road to the break up.
So now comes the day of the break up and yes I made a mistake and called her and seemed very desperate saying can u promise me no matter what happens we will be together and that made her even more upset. So we met up and she said that I don't make her that happy as I used to and we r totally different. (Which had never been a problem before) and ultimately we agreed that we still loved eachother a lot and we always will and we will still be best friends.
So now we still talk and text constantly and hang out for lunch and stuff together and everytime we do I can see she wants me back and I want her back too but for some reason she made the choice and sticking to it.
The times we hung out after the break up were awesome we laughed and smiled and had a really great time and it was obvious that I DID in fact still make her happy.
And just yesterday we hung out and talked for a bit and I told her about some health issues I have and how afraid I am (because honestly possibility of cancer is a very scary thing and I wanted her to be there for me) and she told me constantly she still loves me and hugged me and reassured me. And when we hug we hug like a couple and we always end up trying to kiss eachother (habit I guess) but we always then away.
So in this situation would no contact be something u advice or what do u think? Is there another way to get her back without no contact because it's scary for both of us. She began crying very much when I told her about my health and I know she wants to be with me. I just don't know how to bring It up without risk of sounding desperate.
So what do u think contact or no contact?
Thanks again for this article. It's going to be very hard but I'm going to do everything I can to get that possibility of her coming back.
I think you should do no contact.
I think you should do no contact.
Hello Kevin.
I will try to make my own story short, My ex girlfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. In this time we had rough times as we met in a foreign country, so we have had to deal with distance over and over again. Also, in the worst period of this time she broke up with me, because of all the problems that distance carries with. So I did apply the no contact rule and some other teqniches. It worked wonders, and she even came to my country, she was the one who wanted me back and wanted me to go to her country and start something serious for my life and us together. However, nothing is so easy and we had again to deal with distance for 7 months. We couldn't cope with it, and she broke up with me, she didn't break up for lack of love, was because of the fights and distance. So, I applied 5 weeks no contact. Then I contacted her. She seemed really angry and confuse. I tried to do things as smoothly as possible, just saying I wanted to talk and maybe be friends. Things started to get better and after a couple of months she got to even cry, tell me she misses me, she still likes me, she wants to see what happens in the future (but she can't promise anything); also to text back and forward... But, something personal happened and I "disappeared" for 2 weeks. That was a month ago. And since then, she seems again cold an distant, even though we skype we had a good time, but as soon as she touches what went wrong in the past, she cried and then... tells me that she has no hopes or feelings whatsover, that nothing can be like before. Can this be TRUE?... So, with that said, my doubts here are: Should I do the no contact again?, Bearing in mind that "leaving" her alone is the thing she hates and is affraid the most. (even in this "friend" time). Or what's the best path to follow. I should mention, that I will be moving to her city in about 3 months (I will study there, cause although she broke up with me, I didn't/don't want to change my plans because of her). I appreciate your opinion.
Enver
If she is cold and distant, you can apply no contact for a short period of time (like a week and two) and then try contacting her again.
Alright, Well. She doesn't seemed distant. But I want to ask you, your wise opinion and knowing you have lots of experience and know how things work: As I said, she was cold and desperate and try to be distant, then she was nicer, her tears were because she missed me and she wanted to hug me (her words, not mine). then after I dissapear, she became again a bit distant, and came back to the same stage of repeating that she has no feelings (although she keeps crying when she mentiones the relationship, because she thinks it was the greatest thing and didnt work out and that makes her angry) and that nothing will be again as before, and she doesnt have hopes.. But, when I treat her like a friend and I play cool when we write, she gets annoyed/angry and says that I am treating her as if she doesnt matter to me. So.. what is this about, Kevin?, Are feelings there for her... maybe hopes?, Or am I being just.. played?.... Appreciate your opinions and advices how to proceed.
Thanks for your help and this website. Cheers.
It's classic hot and cold behavior. Don't let it effect you and keep your cool through it. If you haven't done no contact till now, tell her you both need some space and time and do it. At least three weeks.
Hello Kevin, I haven't written in a while.
So, what have happened till now is that she is not so openly again,.. When I write her txt messages ( I use a very known text-system to get an ex back), this worked wonders months ago, but now she is drifting. At least she does answer to the messages but very short answers, almost like nothing touches her. Besides that she has got angry for small things, and also for me asking her if she is dating someone. Yesterday we had a skype conversation, and she pointed out that I should not ask that anymore, because she is not with anyone and she doesnt like to answer me that always and that I shouldnt care so much because we suppose to be friends... Here I applied, something very difficult but that it could be powerful: Reverse Psychology. I told her that is the best to be friends, and we are better like that, and that I don't think us in a relation would be possible, becuse she is young and she is not ready and that perhaps she was right about we weren't meant to be. ( I said all of these, because always when we skype she had to bring the topic that she thinks she couldnt be with me, nothing wil be like before...etc etc) So I saw her reactions were surprised and shocked and her head down(maybe a bit angry as well)... cause now it was me who was saying this things and not her. Also, se was very curious and ask a lot of question who am I dating or seeing, if its sentimental or just physicial, she was way too curious. (she played this as a "cool friend") my answer to her was: Well, maybe I am getting along well with someone. And at the end I told her no to think too much about us, or having second thoughts,.. we are enjoying our life and that's the best thing.
Note: I do go on dates and meet women... and people.
I hope to read your comments soon if you have any suggestions or opinions they are very welcome.
Hey Kevin. Regarding your last replay telling me to go out on dates. Well, I have already done that, actually I am still doing that. But, how could she realise that will lose me soon (as u said) if we dont live in the same city/country and we are not 'friends' over facebook.
It'll be hard, but you can drop subtle hints in your conversations with her that you are going out as well.
It'll be hard, but you can drop subtle hints in your conversations with her that you are going out as well.
It'll be hard, but you can drop subtle hints in your conversations with her that you are going out as well.
It'll be hard, but you can drop subtle hints in your conversations with her that you are going out as well.
It'll be hard, but you can drop subtle hints in your conversations with her that you are going out as well.
It'll be hard, but you can drop subtle hints in your conversations with her that you are going out as well.
Thanks for your comments. Well, I did apply no contact, for 5 weeks. That was right after the break up, back in last October. Since then I have tried to come closer, but sublte. Does it matter to my case that she said a week ago (cause I stupidly asked), she is "getting along well" with a guy, and... "women wants what they can't have" (she really said that). I mean, I really, do not want to be in the place that she takes me for granted, cause apparently she does... Direct question, I know I have to be the man she "can't" have.. easily, So, any advice for this?
Btw,.. about last msg, did you think there are feelings for her involve...maybe hopes?
Thanks again for your wises opinions Kevin. Cheers.
Start dating. She will realize that she will lose you soon. And yes, there are definitely feelings involved.
Start dating. She will realize that she will lose you soon. And yes, there are definitely feelings involved.
Start dating. She will realize that she will lose you soon. And yes, there are definitely feelings involved.
Start dating. She will realize that she will lose you soon. And yes, there are definitely feelings involved.
Start dating. She will realize that she will lose you soon. And yes, there are definitely feelings involved.
Start dating. She will realize that she will lose you soon. And yes, there are definitely feelings involved.
Hello Kevin, I haven't written in a while.
So, what have happened till now is that she is not so openly again,.. When I write her txt messages ( I use a very known text-system to get an ex back), this worked wonders months ago, but now she is drifting. At least she does answer to the messages but very short answers, almost like nothing touches her. Besides that she has got angry for small things, and also for me asking her if she is dating someone. Yesterday we had a skype conversation, and she pointed out that I should not ask that anymore, because she is not with anyone and she doesnt like to answer me that always and that I shouldnt care so much because we suppose to be friends... Here I applied, something very difficult but that it could be powerful: Reverse Psychology. I told her that is the best to be friends, and we are better like that, and that I don't think us in a relation would be possible, becuse she is young and she is not ready and that perhaps she was right about we weren't meant to be. ( I said all of these, because always when we skype she had to bring the topic that she thinks she couldnt be with me, nothing wil be like before...etc etc) So I saw her reactions were surprised and shocked and her head down(maybe a bit angry as well)... cause now it was me who was saying this things and not her. Also, se was very curious and ask a lot of question who am I dating or seeing, if its sentimental or just physicial, she was way too curious. (she played this as a "cool friend") my answer to her was: Well, maybe I am getting along well with someone. And at the end I told her no to think too much about us, or having second thoughts,.. we are enjoying our life and that's the best thing.
Note: I do go on dates and meet women... and people.
I hope to read your comments soon if you have any suggestions or opinions they are very welcome.
Hey Kevin. Regarding your last replay telling me to go out on dates. Well, I have already done that, actually I am still doing that. But, how could she realise that will lose me soon (as u said) if we dont live in the same city/country and we are not 'friends' over facebook.
Thanks for your comments. Well, I did apply no contact, for 5 weeks. That was right after the break up, back in last October. Since then I have tried to come closer, but sublte. Does it matter to my case that she said a week ago (cause I stupidly asked), she is "getting along well" with a guy, and... "women wants what they can't have" (she really said that). I mean, I really, do not want to be in the place that she takes me for granted, cause apparently she does... Direct question, I know I have to be the man she "can't" have.. easily, So, any advice for this?
Btw,.. about last msg, did you think there are feelings for her involve...maybe hopes?
Thanks again for your wises opinions Kevin. Cheers.
Hello Kevin, I haven't written in a while.
So, what have happened till now is that she is not so openly again,.. When I write her txt messages ( I use a very known text-system to get an ex back), this worked wonders months ago, but now she is drifting. At least she does answer to the messages but very short answers, almost like nothing touches her. Besides that she has got angry for small things, and also for me asking her if she is dating someone. Yesterday we had a skype conversation, and she pointed out that I should not ask that anymore, because she is not with anyone and she doesnt like to answer me that always and that I shouldnt care so much because we suppose to be friends... Here I applied, something very difficult but that it could be powerful: Reverse Psychology. I told her that is the best to be friends, and we are better like that, and that I don't think us in a relation would be possible, becuse she is young and she is not ready and that perhaps she was right about we weren't meant to be. ( I said all of these, because always when we skype she had to bring the topic that she thinks she couldnt be with me, nothing wil be like before...etc etc) So I saw her reactions were surprised and shocked and her head down(maybe a bit angry as well)... cause now it was me who was saying this things and not her. Also, se was very curious and ask a lot of question who am I dating or seeing, if its sentimental or just physicial, she was way too curious. (she played this as a "cool friend") my answer to her was: Well, maybe I am getting along well with someone. And at the end I told her no to think too much about us, or having second thoughts,.. we are enjoying our life and that's the best thing.
Note: I do go on dates and meet women... and people.
I hope to read your comments soon if you have any suggestions or opinions they are very welcome.
Hey Kevin. Regarding your last replay telling me to go out on dates. Well, I have already done that, actually I am still doing that. But, how could she realise that will lose me soon (as u said) if we dont live in the same city/country and we are not 'friends' over facebook.
Thanks for your comments. Well, I did apply no contact, for 5 weeks. That was right after the break up, back in last October. Since then I have tried to come closer, but sublte. Does it matter to my case that she said a week ago (cause I stupidly asked), she is "getting along well" with a guy, and... "women wants what they can't have" (she really said that). I mean, I really, do not want to be in the place that she takes me for granted, cause apparently she does... Direct question, I know I have to be the man she "can't" have.. easily, So, any advice for this?
Btw,.. about last msg, did you think there are feelings for her involve...maybe hopes?
Thanks again for your wises opinions Kevin. Cheers.
Hello Kevin, I haven't written in a while.
So, what have happened till now is that she is not so openly again,.. When I write her txt messages ( I use a very known text-system to get an ex back), this worked wonders months ago, but now she is drifting. At least she does answer to the messages but very short answers, almost like nothing touches her. Besides that she has got angry for small things, and also for me asking her if she is dating someone. Yesterday we had a skype conversation, and she pointed out that I should not ask that anymore, because she is not with anyone and she doesnt like to answer me that always and that I shouldnt care so much because we suppose to be friends... Here I applied, something very difficult but that it could be powerful: Reverse Psychology. I told her that is the best to be friends, and we are better like that, and that I don't think us in a relation would be possible, becuse she is young and she is not ready and that perhaps she was right about we weren't meant to be. ( I said all of these, because always when we skype she had to bring the topic that she thinks she couldnt be with me, nothing wil be like before...etc etc) So I saw her reactions were surprised and shocked and her head down(maybe a bit angry as well)... cause now it was me who was saying this things and not her. Also, se was very curious and ask a lot of question who am I dating or seeing, if its sentimental or just physicial, she was way too curious. (she played this as a "cool friend") my answer to her was: Well, maybe I am getting along well with someone. And at the end I told her no to think too much about us, or having second thoughts,.. we are enjoying our life and that's the best thing.
Note: I do go on dates and meet women... and people.
I hope to read your comments soon if you have any suggestions or opinions they are very welcome.
Hey Kevin. Regarding your last replay telling me to go out on dates. Well, I have already done that, actually I am still doing that. But, how could she realise that will lose me soon (as u said) if we dont live in the same city/country and we are not 'friends' over facebook.
Thanks for your comments. Well, I did apply no contact, for 5 weeks. That was right after the break up, back in last October. Since then I have tried to come closer, but sublte. Does it matter to my case that she said a week ago (cause I stupidly asked), she is "getting along well" with a guy, and... "women wants what they can't have" (she really said that). I mean, I really, do not want to be in the place that she takes me for granted, cause apparently she does... Direct question, I know I have to be the man she "can't" have.. easily, So, any advice for this?
Btw,.. about last msg, did you think there are feelings for her involve...maybe hopes?
Thanks again for your wises opinions Kevin. Cheers.
Hello Kevin, I haven't written in a while.
So, what have happened till now is that she is not so openly again,.. When I write her txt messages ( I use a very known text-system to get an ex back), this worked wonders months ago, but now she is drifting. At least she does answer to the messages but very short answers, almost like nothing touches her. Besides that she has got angry for small things, and also for me asking her if she is dating someone. Yesterday we had a skype conversation, and she pointed out that I should not ask that anymore, because she is not with anyone and she doesnt like to answer me that always and that I shouldnt care so much because we suppose to be friends... Here I applied, something very difficult but that it could be powerful: Reverse Psychology. I told her that is the best to be friends, and we are better like that, and that I don't think us in a relation would be possible, becuse she is young and she is not ready and that perhaps she was right about we weren't meant to be. ( I said all of these, because always when we skype she had to bring the topic that she thinks she couldnt be with me, nothing wil be like before...etc etc) So I saw her reactions were surprised and shocked and her head down(maybe a bit angry as well)... cause now it was me who was saying this things and not her. Also, se was very curious and ask a lot of question who am I dating or seeing, if its sentimental or just physicial, she was way too curious. (she played this as a "cool friend") my answer to her was: Well, maybe I am getting along well with someone. And at the end I told her no to think too much about us, or having second thoughts,.. we are enjoying our life and that's the best thing.
Note: I do go on dates and meet women... and people.
I hope to read your comments soon if you have any suggestions or opinions they are very welcome.
Hey Kevin. Regarding your last replay telling me to go out on dates. Well, I have already done that, actually I am still doing that. But, how could she realise that will lose me soon (as u said) if we dont live in the same city/country and we are not 'friends' over facebook.
Thanks for your comments. Well, I did apply no contact, for 5 weeks. That was right after the break up, back in last October. Since then I have tried to come closer, but sublte. Does it matter to my case that she said a week ago (cause I stupidly asked), she is "getting along well" with a guy, and... "women wants what they can't have" (she really said that). I mean, I really, do not want to be in the place that she takes me for granted, cause apparently she does... Direct question, I know I have to be the man she "can't" have.. easily, So, any advice for this?
Btw,.. about last msg, did you think there are feelings for her involve...maybe hopes?
Thanks again for your wises opinions Kevin. Cheers.
It's classic hot and cold behavior. Don't let it effect you and keep your cool through it. If you haven't done no contact till now, tell her you both need some space and time and do it. At least three weeks.
It's classic hot and cold behavior. Don't let it effect you and keep your cool through it. If you haven't done no contact till now, tell her you both need some space and time and do it. At least three weeks.
It's classic hot and cold behavior. Don't let it effect you and keep your cool through it. If you haven't done no contact till now, tell her you both need some space and time and do it. At least three weeks.
Alright, Well. She doesn't seemed distant. But I want to ask you, your wise opinion and knowing you have lots of experience and know how things work: As I said, she was cold and desperate and try to be distant, then she was nicer, her tears were because she missed me and she wanted to hug me (her words, not mine). then after I dissapear, she became again a bit distant, and came back to the same stage of repeating that she has no feelings (although she keeps crying when she mentiones the relationship, because she thinks it was the greatest thing and didnt work out and that makes her angry) and that nothing will be again as before, and she doesnt have hopes.. But, when I treat her like a friend and I play cool when we write, she gets annoyed/angry and says that I am treating her as if she doesnt matter to me. So.. what is this about, Kevin?, Are feelings there for her... maybe hopes?, Or am I being just.. played?.... Appreciate your opinions and advices how to proceed.
Thanks for your help and this website. Cheers.
Alright, Well. She doesn't seemed distant. But I want to ask you, your wise opinion and knowing you have lots of experience and know how things work: As I said, she was cold and desperate and try to be distant, then she was nicer, her tears were because she missed me and she wanted to hug me (her words, not mine). then after I dissapear, she became again a bit distant, and came back to the same stage of repeating that she has no feelings (although she keeps crying when she mentiones the relationship, because she thinks it was the greatest thing and didnt work out and that makes her angry) and that nothing will be again as before, and she doesnt have hopes.. But, when I treat her like a friend and I play cool when we write, she gets annoyed/angry and says that I am treating her as if she doesnt matter to me. So.. what is this about, Kevin?, Are feelings there for her... maybe hopes?, Or am I being just.. played?.... Appreciate your opinions and advices how to proceed.
Thanks for your help and this website. Cheers.
If she is cold and distant, you can apply no contact for a short period of time (like a week and two) and then try contacting her again.
My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me stating that he didn't want a relationship right now and didn't want a committment. He wanted us to stay friends, but I told him that I needed time to work through the breakup before I could consider that. Then a week later I found out that he started seeing his ex, who cheated on him before we started seeing each other. I am beyond hurt. Could this be a rebound? Or something more? I'm really confused.
It's possible that he never got over his ex in which case it's probably not a rebound.
It's possible that he never got over his ex in which case it's probably not a rebound.
Great site you have here!!! I wish I would have seen this a year ago. My bf of 7 years and I broke up last June. Since then, we have had brief contact in October, November and February. Each of these times has always ended up with me crying and being needy and we don't talk for months. This last time, I initiated contact after 7 weeks of NC. He immediately asked me to dinner and I was happy and pleasant and we had good conversation and the dinner went great. Until dessert rolled around, when he suggested that we talk about our relationship. I immediately started crying (I was slightly drunk after 3 drinks with dinner) and started getting needy. He told me not to have any expectations of him....and he literally couldn't get me home fast enough. I thought for sure we weren't gonna talk again for a while, but he stopped by last Thursday to say hi and I just acted super cool like nothing happened and we had great conversation and it was upbeat. No neediness. He told me he would text me Friday and we would get together. Well, no text that night. He did call me today to say hi and happy mothers day but he sounded cool and distant. I really tried sound upbeat when I talked to him. I didn't mention anything about how rude I thought it was that he blew me off Friday night. (which is how I would usually react, but I bit my tongue!) I know you say not to act like a doormat, so what advice would you give in this case?
I have been dating and excercising and I got a dog and all the stuff you outline in your plan during this last period of NC and I basically compare everyone Ive dated to my ex. I know he still loves me, shoot he still stores my car at his warehouse and hasn't asked me to move it. I want it to work, but should I go back into NC since it got awkward?
Thanks in advance for your words of wisdom.
I think a week of no contact should be enough right now. I think you are handling everything fine. You should continue like this for a while. Don't show any signs of neediness. I don't think you are being a doormat if you don't by not reacting to him blowing you off. By not mentioning it, you are conveying the message that it was not so important for you that he calls you and you really weren't waiting for him. That shows that you are not needy.
I cant thank you enough for what you are doing here. Your daily emails are helping me immensely! I will let you know what happens. As it is turning out, he texted me Monday morning. We went to breakfast, held hands and it felt great. I texted him today to say hi and it went well. I am learning that patience and a smile work wonders. Thanks again.
Thanks for your comment Danielle. I feel blessed to be able to affect so many people's lives through a website. Internet is truly a great thing. :)
I am happy to report that as of yesterday, my bf and I made it official again! After a year of being apart, he told me to put my (gorgeous) ring back on and change my FB status! I strongly feel that changing my insecure behavior, acting cool (even though I was not feeling very cool), journaling/doing positive stuff for myself is the reason why. And if I hadn't found this site and your real life approach, I would still be acting a fool.
Thank you again. It actually worked, and so quickly!
P.S. I want to continue to receive your emails, to keep me in a positive mindset and not fall back into the insecure girlfriend syndrome.
That is so awesome Danielle. Congrats. :)
That is so awesome Danielle. Congrats. :)
That is so awesome Danielle. Congrats. :)
That is so awesome Danielle. Congrats. :)
That is so awesome Danielle. Congrats. :)
That is so awesome Danielle. Congrats. :)
I am happy to report that as of yesterday, my bf and I made it official again! After a year of being apart, he told me to put my (gorgeous) ring back on and change my FB status! I strongly feel that changing my insecure behavior, acting cool (even though I was not feeling very cool), journaling/doing positive stuff for myself is the reason why. And if I hadn't found this site and your real life approach, I would still be acting a fool.
Thank you again. It actually worked, and so quickly!
P.S. I want to continue to receive your emails, to keep me in a positive mindset and not fall back into the insecure girlfriend syndrome.
I am happy to report that as of yesterday, my bf and I made it official again! After a year of being apart, he told me to put my (gorgeous) ring back on and change my FB status! I strongly feel that changing my insecure behavior, acting cool (even though I was not feeling very cool), journaling/doing positive stuff for myself is the reason why. And if I hadn't found this site and your real life approach, I would still be acting a fool.
Thank you again. It actually worked, and so quickly!
P.S. I want to continue to receive your emails, to keep me in a positive mindset and not fall back into the insecure girlfriend syndrome.
I am happy to report that as of yesterday, my bf and I made it official again! After a year of being apart, he told me to put my (gorgeous) ring back on and change my FB status! I strongly feel that changing my insecure behavior, acting cool (even though I was not feeling very cool), journaling/doing positive stuff for myself is the reason why. And if I hadn't found this site and your real life approach, I would still be acting a fool.
Thank you again. It actually worked, and so quickly!
P.S. I want to continue to receive your emails, to keep me in a positive mindset and not fall back into the insecure girlfriend syndrome.
I am happy to report that as of yesterday, my bf and I made it official again! After a year of being apart, he told me to put my (gorgeous) ring back on and change my FB status! I strongly feel that changing my insecure behavior, acting cool (even though I was not feeling very cool), journaling/doing positive stuff for myself is the reason why. And if I hadn't found this site and your real life approach, I would still be acting a fool.
Thank you again. It actually worked, and so quickly!
P.S. I want to continue to receive your emails, to keep me in a positive mindset and not fall back into the insecure girlfriend syndrome.
Thanks for your comment Danielle. I feel blessed to be able to affect so many people's lives through a website. Internet is truly a great thing. :)
Thanks for your comment Danielle. I feel blessed to be able to affect so many people's lives through a website. Internet is truly a great thing. :)
Thanks for your comment Danielle. I feel blessed to be able to affect so many people's lives through a website. Internet is truly a great thing. :)
I cant thank you enough for what you are doing here. Your daily emails are helping me immensely! I will let you know what happens. As it is turning out, he texted me Monday morning. We went to breakfast, held hands and it felt great. I texted him today to say hi and it went well. I am learning that patience and a smile work wonders. Thanks again.
I cant thank you enough for what you are doing here. Your daily emails are helping me immensely! I will let you know what happens. As it is turning out, he texted me Monday morning. We went to breakfast, held hands and it felt great. I texted him today to say hi and it went well. I am learning that patience and a smile work wonders. Thanks again.
I think a week of no contact should be enough right now. I think you are handling everything fine. You should continue like this for a while. Don't show any signs of neediness. I don't think you are being a doormat if you don't by not reacting to him blowing you off. By not mentioning it, you are conveying the message that it was not so important for you that he calls you and you really weren't waiting for him. That shows that you are not needy.
Hello kevin first i want to say sorry if my english is not too well because thi is not my first language
i just need some advice about my ex girlfriend we're
little bit different because our situation is in a long distance relationship i'm 22 years old and she's 20
she broke up with me yesterday but there is no closure at all or reason why, she just deactivated her facebook account we've been in a Long
distance relationship for almost 1 year and eventually she broke up with me yesterday
this past month she just changed i don't know why but she said that she is just got weary of our daily routine we talked almost everyday and it become
a routine she told me that she wants to focused on other things but she told me that she still loves me but i get too needy and i always keep asking her that
what's the problem why she just changed i keep telling her that i love her so much and everytime i ask her questions about us and texting her to talk with me
she just became angry and pissed off i try to give her space to just wait her to text me and become ok but she still cold and i feel like she doesnt care about me
so i ask her again whats the problem again and again i know that i got so desperate to fix things up .
right now after she blocked me or deactivated her account and no text from her telling me that we already broke up i started the NC
what should i do? do i have a chance of getting her back? Thanks in advance!
Yes, you do have a chance. Follow the advice in the article.
Yes, you do have a chance. Follow the advice in the article.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I were together for two and a half years. First we were long distance for 18 months seeing each other once a week which was fine as we enjoyed our independence and valued the time we had together more.
Then we backpacked Asia for 5 months after that. Everyone said that would be the 'test' but in fact we grew closer and even bought wedding rings whilst we were away. We had not got engaged yet but intended to be married in a year or two. This was a mutual decision.
It wasn't until we came to Australia, got jobs and actually moved in together before the cracks started to show.
We had always enjoyed our independence but because we had no friends and were no longer travelling and experiencing fun, new things I think we became dependant on each other for company and happiness.
I felt like he drifted away from me and the more I tried to get his attention the more I became needy. The major flaw was that we had lost ourselves in the relationship and the more distant he became with me (he was trying to find himself again) the more hurt I became because I didn't feel as though he was supporting me emotionally. I now see that we were both suffering from homesickness.
I felt trapped and hurt and in a bid to 'scare' him into supporting me I foolishly acted on impulse (as I tend to do) and broke up with him. This hurt him more deeply then I imagined. So deeply that when I sat down and thought 'actually this is not what I want, I want to work on this relationship' it's was too late. My boyfriend is very black and white. Once you've hurt him deeply there is no going back. So he didn't want to get back together.
I was heartbroken so decided to leave town as I couldn't face staying there with him still there. I went and travelled with a friend on the East coast where I still am.
It has been 8 weeks since I left. We have had minimal contact but mainly concerning our car which we own together and are trying to sell. I sent him a text 2 weeks ago apologising and expressed a desire to work through things and this was his reply...
'Thanks Jess, I'm happy for you that you're finding yourself again. It was both of us causing the circle of doom that overwhelmed us so I am sorry too. Right now I'm enjoying being alone and discovering a lot about myself and growing as a person. I think we have both learned a lot already but will always have more to learn and that's what they call life I guess. I hope you're well and taking care of yourself. You will always be in my heart. The memories we have made are amazing and nothing will ever take that away x'
To me that seems vague. He had always been hard to read. I replied with a kind thank you. Since then I have began the 'no contact' rule and intend to follow through with it for at least a month.
My question is this. We both fly back to England together for a visit on July 11th in 8 weeks time (we booked the flight when we were together). Should I contact him before then or just wait until I see him on the plane? And do you have any advice on how I should act with him? Casual? Not bothered? Loving?
Since the breakup I have been on a journey of self discovery. Although I regret breaking up with him I feel this has happened for a reason and I have a lot to learn from it. I have made so many changes in myself already and continue to grow stronger as a person but my feelings for him do not die. This is why I feel that I want him in my life still. It was our situation that broke us up not that we didn't love each other anymore.
I know what I want and I truly believe that it can work again if we both work on ourselves. I just don't know what to do from here. I feel like waiting to see if he contacts me and if he doesn't then I won't contact him until I see him on the plane.
I think he feels like he thinks hes in control because I was the one that broke up with him and now I want him back. Maybe I should act like I don't want him back?
I would really appreciate your advice as I just don't know where to go from here in terms of our relationship. I know what to do with myself. I have been working on me not for him but for myself.
Kind regards,
Jess
Since you both will be meeting during the flight, I think you it'll be OK if you apply no contact till that time. However, even if you decide to contact him before that, it'll still be OK. Either ways, you shouldn't talk about getting back together or working things out. You should let it be his idea.
Since you both will be meeting during the flight, I think you it'll be OK if you apply no contact till that time. However, even if you decide to contact him before that, it'll still be OK. Either ways, you shouldn't talk about getting back together or working things out. You should let it be his idea.
Hi kevin,
Just thought id get my story off my chest too.
Basically we had an argument and I ended it in the heat of the argument, a few days of no contact and then she started talking to me, which I replied etc and was all normal friendly and stuff.
She asked how I was feeling and we were both feeling like shit which we admitted but I said things wotn work etc (i was acting all cool about my feelings, pretending we hadnt broke up) so that I wouldnt hurt.
The tables turned, she started talking normal but been half assed about it, not really replying as she normally would. I picked up on this and it sent me mad! I started then asking her what was up etc, calling her texting her etc, she said we wasnt working and her feelings changed etc and that we just dont work as a couple
Then I did the deadly mistakes of texting her constantly, telling her how much i love her, my feelings etc, why i did what i did, what id done wrong etc. She was telling me she needed time and that it was tough on her too and she does love me etc but shes not 100% with me etc.
I tried my hardest to give her space, wrote her a poem etc she then spoke to me and said that it defintiely cannot work..anyways I tried the no contat thing and after 5 days no contact, I cotnacted her asking how she was, no reply at first but then I text asking if she didnt want to talk to me...she replied and we are talking on just a friend basis, but any mention of feelings etc she doesnt want anything to do with me...
I actually get a sense of apathy from her too I think.
Thanks a lot....im going INSANE! coz I know i did things wrong (i never cheated or anything just didnt give her all the attention I should of)
Note: She has kissed 3 people in our year andhalf relationship, 1 during a breakup, 2 I only found out about when she told me it wasnt going to work etc and she did cry. but now i think shes defintiely made her mind up and wants nothing to do with me at all..coz we "Dont work"
Hey David,
Thanks for your comment and I hope things work out for you. Her behavior is quite common after a breakup. It doesn't mean you don't have a chance. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Thanks a lot Kevin, I have read your 5 step plan, multiple times!! haha
I keep going back to it when I feel like im weakening, anyways I did another deadly mistake!..The other day I asked her how she felt basically saying, during our time apart, have your feelings changed? for better or for worse?.
She replied, saying that her feelings are still the same, she thinks she cant give me 100% and that shes convinced we wont work, the potential was there but we were wrong from the off.
Then she said of course she misses me, but thats the chance we took.
Anyways same day of that email, I did send a text to her mam apologizing for how I treat her in our relationship. Her mam said it was a very nice text and then her daughter sent me a text saying it was "so cute and lovely" the text i sent her mam....
Basically that was the last communication and im determined not to break No Contact this time! I am starting to feel slightly better in myself, simply because Ive analysed our relationship etc and Ive come to realise theres nothing else I can do, i want a girl that wants me and until she decides whether she wants me or not I just have to wait it out.
So I promise I wont break NC this time!
Note: We are both 26 and the girl in question is my best friends Ex, just to make it a bit more complicated for you ;)
Thanks so much kevin
That's great David (not the best friend's ex part). I am glad you're feeling better.
What do you make of her email replies and her text she sent me?
She 90% of the time puts a kiss on the end of the messages etc.
When i told her i was writing stuff down and analysing our relationship she asked if she could see it.
Im kind of having a relapse again...coz I been checking her FB and getting angry..hence why Im back here :). Still no contact though so far and feel better after reading all of the stuff again.
It shows she is not over you and still has feelings for you.
It shows she is not over you and still has feelings for you.
It shows she is not over you and still has feelings for you.
It shows she is not over you and still has feelings for you.
It shows she is not over you and still has feelings for you.
It shows she is not over you and still has feelings for you.
What do you make of her email replies and her text she sent me?
She 90% of the time puts a kiss on the end of the messages etc.
When i told her i was writing stuff down and analysing our relationship she asked if she could see it.
Im kind of having a relapse again...coz I been checking her FB and getting angry..hence why Im back here :). Still no contact though so far and feel better after reading all of the stuff again.
What do you make of her email replies and her text she sent me?
She 90% of the time puts a kiss on the end of the messages etc.
When i told her i was writing stuff down and analysing our relationship she asked if she could see it.
Im kind of having a relapse again...coz I been checking her FB and getting angry..hence why Im back here :). Still no contact though so far and feel better after reading all of the stuff again.
What do you make of her email replies and her text she sent me?
She 90% of the time puts a kiss on the end of the messages etc.
When i told her i was writing stuff down and analysing our relationship she asked if she could see it.
Im kind of having a relapse again...coz I been checking her FB and getting angry..hence why Im back here :). Still no contact though so far and feel better after reading all of the stuff again.
What do you make of her email replies and her text she sent me?
She 90% of the time puts a kiss on the end of the messages etc.
When i told her i was writing stuff down and analysing our relationship she asked if she could see it.
Im kind of having a relapse again...coz I been checking her FB and getting angry..hence why Im back here :). Still no contact though so far and feel better after reading all of the stuff again.
That's great David (not the best friend's ex part). I am glad you're feeling better.
That's great David (not the best friend's ex part). I am glad you're feeling better.
That's great David (not the best friend's ex part). I am glad you're feeling better.
Thanks a lot Kevin, I have read your 5 step plan, multiple times!! haha
I keep going back to it when I feel like im weakening, anyways I did another deadly mistake!..The other day I asked her how she felt basically saying, during our time apart, have your feelings changed? for better or for worse?.
She replied, saying that her feelings are still the same, she thinks she cant give me 100% and that shes convinced we wont work, the potential was there but we were wrong from the off.
Then she said of course she misses me, but thats the chance we took.
Anyways same day of that email, I did send a text to her mam apologizing for how I treat her in our relationship. Her mam said it was a very nice text and then her daughter sent me a text saying it was "so cute and lovely" the text i sent her mam....
Basically that was the last communication and im determined not to break No Contact this time! I am starting to feel slightly better in myself, simply because Ive analysed our relationship etc and Ive come to realise theres nothing else I can do, i want a girl that wants me and until she decides whether she wants me or not I just have to wait it out.
So I promise I wont break NC this time!
Note: We are both 26 and the girl in question is my best friends Ex, just to make it a bit more complicated for you ;)
Thanks so much kevin
Thanks a lot Kevin, I have read your 5 step plan, multiple times!! haha
I keep going back to it when I feel like im weakening, anyways I did another deadly mistake!..The other day I asked her how she felt basically saying, during our time apart, have your feelings changed? for better or for worse?.
She replied, saying that her feelings are still the same, she thinks she cant give me 100% and that shes convinced we wont work, the potential was there but we were wrong from the off.
Then she said of course she misses me, but thats the chance we took.
Anyways same day of that email, I did send a text to her mam apologizing for how I treat her in our relationship. Her mam said it was a very nice text and then her daughter sent me a text saying it was "so cute and lovely" the text i sent her mam....
Basically that was the last communication and im determined not to break No Contact this time! I am starting to feel slightly better in myself, simply because Ive analysed our relationship etc and Ive come to realise theres nothing else I can do, i want a girl that wants me and until she decides whether she wants me or not I just have to wait it out.
So I promise I wont break NC this time!
Note: We are both 26 and the girl in question is my best friends Ex, just to make it a bit more complicated for you ;)
Thanks so much kevin
Hey David,
Thanks for your comment and I hope things work out for you. Her behavior is quite common after a breakup. It doesn't mean you don't have a chance. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hello Kevin!
Quick recap:
- dating 1 year, BU after huge fight (I felt neglected and said hurtful things), 2 weeks later he started dating a new girl (complete opposite of his type)
- first 2 weeks he has been rubbing it in my face but I kept calm and did NC for 2 months (no signs of her after the first 2 weeks, nothing on FB, she is never seen with him etc)
- now been texting him for 2.5 mths, he has been dating her for 4 mths
- been slowly building attraction, then flirting a lot, reminiscing our good times, went for coffee a few times, he took me to the cinema a few days ago then yesterday we watched a film at my place
- I know from others that they are having problems, I think they are not very intimate anymore (we were joking about something and he somehow admitted it), she is posting depressing statuses on her fb...
- he went on holiday recently and since he came back he is giving me even more attention and basically spending his free time with me
- it's always him to initiate contact and me to cut it or stop replying... I am not always available to him as I used to be. I became happy and confident on my own and I think he sees that... I do feel like he is chasing me a bit now (before it was mostly me chasing him and arranging my life around him - not anymore! and it feels good :) )
- he is looking for small contact when we are together, like grabbing my arm/leg jokingly, leaning closer to me etc but never really trying to kiss me or anything, but I respect that and I don't think he will try anything as long as he is still with her even though they might be on the verge of breaking up.
Here is my question though... How do I know if he is still thinking about me and that makes him doubt his RS or if he is just looking for a companion while he is going through this possible break up and only using me till he finds someone else? It's getting harder and harder for me to be so close to him and not be able to kiss him. He always hugs me tight when he comes and goes but all I get is a kiss on the cheek. I understand he might need some time to figure things out but I am scared to be used :/ Any signs I should be looking for?
His relationship was a rebound. Which means he never got over you in the first place. If he does get back with you, it'll not be a rebound. In fact, the reason his current relationship is not working is because he never got over you.
I found out they are no longer together and it seems like he wasn't into her anymore for a while. How do I know he is not just using me because he feels lonely or something?
His relationship was a rebound. Which means he never got over you in the first place. If he does get back with you, it'll not be a rebound. In fact, the reason his current relationship is not working is because he never got over you.
I found out they are no longer together and it seems like he wasn't into her anymore for a while. How do I know he is not just using me because he feels lonely or something?
3 weeks ago my bf of 6 months broke up with me. His reason for breaking up with me was that he needed space to focus on his recovery and strengthen his relationship with God before he can put his all in a relationship (he's a year clean and goes to NA meetings every night). He told me that I'm everything he has ever wanted in a girl and I'm such an amazing person and why we're breaking up has nothing to do with me. I'm left feeling hurt and confused because if I'm everything he ever wanted why would he break up with me? I've done everything to support his recovery and I truly do believe that it takes a special person who has never been an addict to accept and support someone else's recovery
What should I do?
Sir,
I know i have written very long, but
i will be highly obiliged to you. please go through my story,
and suggest me something.
i have a question, my case is something different actually, according to me!
i think my girlfriend was in a rebound relationship with me.
she had a breakup with her boyfriend in august mid, she did'nt talk to
him for 2/3 months.
and later on 2 november'13 she went in a relationship with
me.Everything went good.
but later on her ex came back on 1Jan'14.
her ex did not knew about me, but she told me earlier that her ex
knows about me.
and she cheated on us, she used to talk to both (me and ex) but we
both never knew. she wanted to talk to her ex but also she did'nt
wanted to hurt me as said by her,to me.
i caught her twice or thrice with her cellphone call log in jan. &
feb.'14 and but she always had an axcuse,she said she talked to him
just as a friend. and i was new to know all this things so i did not
focused more.
but when the water raised above my head i asked her to either choose
me to talk or your ex. she replied that she would talk to him but
didn't say that she won't talk to me.
but i was on to one decision so we broke up on 3 march'14. and she
again started talking to ex (not me, her ex).
And one reason is also there that i m very possesive type of guy, i
restricted her from doing things, my anger, and also there are some
negative point in me, which are the reason for break up.
time started passing..
then we started taking as a friend. i always said to her that, you did
nothing right to me and blah..blah..
so mean while she talked to her ex and me too, but her ex didnt knew
anything about the same.
A day came 9 april'14 timing 3:15 am when
we were on phone talking, her boyfriend called and a busy tone made
him mad, my call was disconnected as he is always prefered more than
me. They had a serious fight, he said him many things and left saying
that he would not call again.
That day morning was quiet happy for me, we both went into a
relationship once again.
everything went good once till 2nd may'14.
we met that day..but later on in evening we had a good fight..
reason:: she had to go to watch a movie with her male and female
friends which are in common friend with me and it was just hinted to
me, she had said that it was not a confirm plan. but when she was
spending time with me, one of his friend called asking her to come. then i asked
her to wait for some more time with me, but no she refused saying that
she also had to take some photocopies from her friend, so i dropped
her to her friend saying that call me when you get free i will be
waiting out there outside in a cybercafe..
an hour passed,
then i ringed her up, no response, i ringed, i ringed, i
ringed..ringed about 25-30 times,
i got confirmed that she went for the movie,
then i messeged her something, no response, i ringed one of my friend
but he refused saying that she was not with him because he was asked
to said that (my friend told me later).
i lastly messege her dat if u dont receive my call now everything is
over between us. Again ther was no response.
Then i decided to go the threater where they went, i messeged "are you coming out of threater or should i come inside. No response again.
i ringed again she confirmed that if i was really there. then she came out.
here the problem started, i was very-very angry, and then i shouted on
her very badly, that to publically. We had breakup that very time i
said its all over now. but i did not wanted to, it was all my anger
which made me do this.
NOW SHE IS HURT.
WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW ?
PLEASE HELP ME.
I m pleasing her everyday from that very day (2nd may). but she is not
forgiving me for my mistake.
Instead she is asking me to move on, and saying that she has moved on
so i should also do the same.
she is also saying that i m forgiving you for everything. but she is also
saying that now there is no chance for our relationship at any cost.
but i still love her :(
suggest me whats correct measure for me to take right now.
how should i handle everything.
Anything that leads to start my relationship once again..?
"""how should i convience her"""???
Hi Kevin,
Ok so you did read it the first time, I was just hoping for something more specific to my situation because it's not the usual. That's why I told you about everything, but if you think that the normal process will be successful then ok. I was also hoping for your thoughts on it. But one last thing is she doesn't ever check her email unless you ask her to so I think that's not an option. Thanks Kevin I appreciate it.
You can send a facebook message instead of an email.
Okay wow, um..... hmm well here is the thing and I'm trying not to be difficult here but she doesn't have a facebook account on the fact that she hates how everyone uses it to tell everyone exactly what they are doing 24/7 and I have always agreed. I suppose I can stick to the plan and write a letter and just hope that her parents aren't so invasive of her privacy as to open her mail but who knows with them, It's really 50/50 when it comes to her father.
Okay wow, um..... hmm well here is the thing and I'm trying not to be difficult here but she doesn't have a facebook account on the fact that she hates how everyone uses it to tell everyone exactly what they are doing 24/7 and I have always agreed. I suppose I can stick to the plan and write a letter and just hope that her parents aren't so invasive of her privacy as to open her mail but who knows with them, It's really 50/50 when it comes to her father.
Okay wow, um..... hmm well here is the thing and I'm trying not to be difficult here but she doesn't have a facebook account on the fact that she hates how everyone uses it to tell everyone exactly what they are doing 24/7 and I have always agreed. I suppose I can stick to the plan and write a letter and just hope that her parents aren't so invasive of her privacy as to open her mail but who knows with them, It's really 50/50 when it comes to her father.
You can send a facebook message instead of an email.
Hi again Kevin,
Thank you so much for replying to my previous post. I have one more question :
I'll have two chance to go to her city, first one is on 23rd of June, and the 2nd one is on 4th of July
I'll go back to my city on 6th of July in both case
On which date do you suggest I go there?
If I go on 23rd, I'll have around 10 days to meet her, but on those 10 days, my only objective is meeting her. If she doesn't want to meet me, then I'm screwed and have nothing to do until 5th of July (which is the date of the event I'm going to go to)
But if I go on 4th, I'll only have one day to meet her, and if she can't or doesn't want to meet me on that day, then I'll lose my chance, because it is very rare for me to be able to go to her city (because of college)
I'm thinking of asking her two weeks before I go there, like you told me, but the problem is I have to reserve the plane (for a round trip) next week, because usually the flight is fully booked 2 weeks before the departure date (because of high season)
However, if she does want to be with me again when I'm there, I probably will trash the ticket and go back to my city a month later (June-July is my college holiday)
I thought she'll want to meet me, because she said so after we just broke up, but now I'm not so sure..
What do you think, Kevin?
I'll say you book the tickets for 4th of July. If she wants to meet you, one day will be enough. If she doesn't want to meet you, 10 days won't mean anything.
Thank you, Kevin. I'll do that.
But I'm thinking of telling her that I'll be going to her city this week. Should I do that, or should I stick to what you said and tell her 2 weeks before I go there? I'm just afraid that she may has plans on that date. And I think she wants to get serious with her current boyfriend as well, so maybe if I tell her, she'll rethink about all of this.
But then again, I think she still doesn't want to talk to me, because yesterday she posted an image on her IM which says : "being someone's first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect". I feel that this may be directed to me, because we're each other's first love.
If she wants to get serious with her boyfriend, you telling her right now is not going to make a difference. Also, whenever you want to tell her, you should try to slip it in a conversation, instead of telling her "Hey, I'll be coming to your city on this date. Hope we can meet." This puts pressure on her and it makes it quite obvious that you want to meet in hopes of getting back together.
The idea is to first get back in talking terms with her and establish friendship. If she is warm, then you can slip it in the conversation that you are going to visit the city next week or so. Then when you visit her city, tell her you are in town and ask her to meet up.
If she wants to get serious with her boyfriend, you telling her right now is not going to make a difference. Also, whenever you want to tell her, you should try to slip it in a conversation, instead of telling her "Hey, I'll be coming to your city on this date. Hope we can meet." This puts pressure on her and it makes it quite obvious that you want to meet in hopes of getting back together.
The idea is to first get back in talking terms with her and establish friendship. If she is warm, then you can slip it in the conversation that you are going to visit the city next week or so. Then when you visit her city, tell her you are in town and ask her to meet up.
If she wants to get serious with her boyfriend, you telling her right now is not going to make a difference. Also, whenever you want to tell her, you should try to slip it in a conversation, instead of telling her "Hey, I'll be coming to your city on this date. Hope we can meet." This puts pressure on her and it makes it quite obvious that you want to meet in hopes of getting back together.
The idea is to first get back in talking terms with her and establish friendship. If she is warm, then you can slip it in the conversation that you are going to visit the city next week or so. Then when you visit her city, tell her you are in town and ask her to meet up.
If she wants to get serious with her boyfriend, you telling her right now is not going to make a difference. Also, whenever you want to tell her, you should try to slip it in a conversation, instead of telling her "Hey, I'll be coming to your city on this date. Hope we can meet." This puts pressure on her and it makes it quite obvious that you want to meet in hopes of getting back together.
The idea is to first get back in talking terms with her and establish friendship. If she is warm, then you can slip it in the conversation that you are going to visit the city next week or so. Then when you visit her city, tell her you are in town and ask her to meet up.
Thank you, Kevin. I'll do that.
But I'm thinking of telling her that I'll be going to her city this week. Should I do that, or should I stick to what you said and tell her 2 weeks before I go there? I'm just afraid that she may has plans on that date. And I think she wants to get serious with her current boyfriend as well, so maybe if I tell her, she'll rethink about all of this.
But then again, I think she still doesn't want to talk to me, because yesterday she posted an image on her IM which says : "being someone's first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect". I feel that this may be directed to me, because we're each other's first love.
Thank you, Kevin. I'll do that.
But I'm thinking of telling her that I'll be going to her city this week. Should I do that, or should I stick to what you said and tell her 2 weeks before I go there? I'm just afraid that she may has plans on that date. And I think she wants to get serious with her current boyfriend as well, so maybe if I tell her, she'll rethink about all of this.
But then again, I think she still doesn't want to talk to me, because yesterday she posted an image on her IM which says : "being someone's first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect". I feel that this may be directed to me, because we're each other's first love.
Kevin,
I'm thinking of sending some IM telling her that I'll be in her city next month (last time, I only told her that I have the opportunity to go there, but didn't really say that I'll be going; she didn't respond though)
Should I do it? I'm just afraid of her moving on from me. I don't know if this guy is a rebound or not, but even if he is, I'm pretty sure that she won't break him up that easily, even if they doesn't make a great couple. Because when she was with her previous ex, they didn't really match each other, but she just convinced herself that they are. I think it's because she was afraid of me betraying her trust again (I did it in the past). We made up in the end, but I hurt her again this time, which means I betrayed her trust for the 3rd time..
The day after tomorrow will be their 1st month together, it just worries me every passing day. After all, he seems good looking and looks like a nice guy.
What should I do here, Kevin? Do you really think that it is possible for her to believe me again? I feel that something changed inside me after she broke up with me though, and I believe that the me right now won't betray her again, but I'm not sure how to prove it..
It's quite the irony, because right after we break up, two big chances to meet her show up. Not to mention that next semester I won't be as busy and can meet her many times..
Ah yes, I forgot to mention that I am her first love. I should also mention that she thinks I'm perfect in many ways, like being able to go to a good college and having a good grade, pretty fluent at English (English is not our first language), good looking (in her opinion), having a great family with a stable economy, having many hobbies / activities, etc. (I apologize if this looks like I'm boasting, I didn't mean to, I swear :| )
Does this adds up to my chances?
I apologize if I ask too many questions here, Kevin. I'm just.. afraid.
Hey Andre,
A rebound is different from a bad relationship in many ways. The main reason rebounds don't work is because you are not over your ex and you can't fully commit emotionally to someone unless you are over your ex.
I think you should tell her a week before going. Telling her right now is not going to have any extra advantage than telling her a week before.
Hey Kevin, thank you very much for replying.
Unfortunately, I was too late to read this :(
I sent an IM to her already. I asked how she's doing, and I told her that I'll be going to her city next month or the month after the next.
This time, she did reply, but she replied by asking something that doesn't relate to anything that I asked. I answered her though, and then she didn't reply again.
Then I asked her once again if she wants to meet, and she still doesn't reply.
It was stupid of me to not check for your reply first, but what's done is done..
Can you please suggest what next step should I take from here on?
Hey Andre,
I guess you should still continue with the same strategy. But now there's a risk when you contact her, she might suspect that you have an ulterior motive of meeting her, and she might put her walls up.
Hey Andre,
I guess you should still continue with the same strategy. But now there's a risk when you contact her, she might suspect that you have an ulterior motive of meeting her, and she might put her walls up.
Hey Andre,
I guess you should still continue with the same strategy. But now there's a risk when you contact her, she might suspect that you have an ulterior motive of meeting her, and she might put her walls up.
Hey Andre,
I guess you should still continue with the same strategy. But now there's a risk when you contact her, she might suspect that you have an ulterior motive of meeting her, and she might put her walls up.
Hey Andre,
I guess you should still continue with the same strategy. But now there's a risk when you contact her, she might suspect that you have an ulterior motive of meeting her, and she might put her walls up.
Hey Kevin, thank you very much for replying.
Unfortunately, I was too late to read this :(
I sent an IM to her already. I asked how she's doing, and I told her that I'll be going to her city next month or the month after the next.
This time, she did reply, but she replied by asking something that doesn't relate to anything that I asked. I answered her though, and then she didn't reply again.
Then I asked her once again if she wants to meet, and she still doesn't reply.
It was stupid of me to not check for your reply first, but what's done is done..
Can you please suggest what next step should I take from here on?
Hey Kevin, thank you very much for replying.
Unfortunately, I was too late to read this :(
I sent an IM to her already. I asked how she's doing, and I told her that I'll be going to her city next month or the month after the next.
This time, she did reply, but she replied by asking something that doesn't relate to anything that I asked. I answered her though, and then she didn't reply again.
Then I asked her once again if she wants to meet, and she still doesn't reply.
It was stupid of me to not check for your reply first, but what's done is done..
Can you please suggest what next step should I take from here on?
Hey Kevin, thank you very much for replying.
Unfortunately, I was too late to read this :(
I sent an IM to her already. I asked how she's doing, and I told her that I'll be going to her city next month or the month after the next.
This time, she did reply, but she replied by asking something that doesn't relate to anything that I asked. I answered her though, and then she didn't reply again.
Then I asked her once again if she wants to meet, and she still doesn't reply.
It was stupid of me to not check for your reply first, but what's done is done..
Can you please suggest what next step should I take from here on?
Hey Andre,
A rebound is different from a bad relationship in many ways. The main reason rebounds don't work is because you are not over your ex and you can't fully commit emotionally to someone unless you are over your ex.
I think you should tell her a week before going. Telling her right now is not going to have any extra advantage than telling her a week before.
Hey Andre,
A rebound is different from a bad relationship in many ways. The main reason rebounds don't work is because you are not over your ex and you can't fully commit emotionally to someone unless you are over your ex.
I think you should tell her a week before going. Telling her right now is not going to have any extra advantage than telling her a week before.
I'll say you book the tickets for 4th of July. If she wants to meet you, one day will be enough. If she doesn't want to meet you, 10 days won't mean anything.
Kevin,
I'm thinking of sending some IM telling her that I'll be in her city next month (last time, I only told her that I have the opportunity to go there, but didn't really say that I'll be going; she didn't respond though)
Should I do it? I'm just afraid of her moving on from me. I don't know if this guy is a rebound or not, but even if he is, I'm pretty sure that she won't break him up that easily, even if they doesn't make a great couple. Because when she was with her previous ex, they didn't really match each other, but she just convinced herself that they are. I think it's because she was afraid of me betraying her trust again (I did it in the past). We made up in the end, but I hurt her again this time, which means I betrayed her trust for the 3rd time..
The day after tomorrow will be their 1st month together, it just worries me every passing day. After all, he seems good looking and looks like a nice guy.
What should I do here, Kevin? Do you really think that it is possible for her to believe me again? I feel that something changed inside me after she broke up with me though, and I believe that the me right now won't betray her again, but I'm not sure how to prove it..
It's quite the irony, because right after we break up, two big chances to meet her show up. Not to mention that next semester I won't be as busy and can meet her many times..
Ah yes, I forgot to mention that I am her first love. I should also mention that she thinks I'm perfect in many ways, like being able to go to a good college and having a good grade, pretty fluent at English (English is not our first language), good looking (in her opinion), having a great family with a stable economy, having many hobbies / activities, etc. (I apologize if this looks like I'm boasting, I didn't mean to, I swear :| )
Does this adds up to my chances?
I apologize if I ask too many questions here, Kevin. I'm just.. afraid.
Hi Kevin,
I wrote yesterday but I can't find my message or the answer to it either.
It's here.
It's here.
Kevin,
About a month ago, my ex left me. We had been together for 4 years and he loved my daughters as his own. The past couple of months had been very volatile with fighting. Enough to the point that some nasty things had been said by both of us. I made him feel as though he could never make me happy but that was because of my own issues and I have owned them. The worst part was that I took my engagement ring off and threw it at him. That was the clincher. He swore he would never get engaged again so when he proposed to me, it was a big deal and I threw it in his face. He cried as he was packing and he cried as he was leaving. He told me he didn’t want to lose our friendship. Even though we are not together he tells everyone that I was the “best thing that ever happened to him” and that he “will always love me”. He loves and misses my girls terribly. Hes been telling all of his friend and my family yet he never mentions me in the equation. My girls are having a hard time with all of this.
I started the no contact immediately after the break up. He kept begging me to talk to him and I finally told him to just leave me alone. He started hanging out with a woman immediately after our break up. She is a mutual friend through the organization that we are both in. He does not spend the evenings with her that I know for sure BUT they do everything together AND are always very close physically. He will NOT deny nor confirm the relationship and tells all of our friends that its his life and he can what he wants with who he wants. He hasn’t talked to me at all in the past 2 weeks with the exception of arranging for items to be picked up OR in regards to the kids. He frequents the same restaurants and hang outs that I do. We were at the same place at the same time last week and he was with the new lady. I didn’t say much at all and he was very cold towards me. I was told that people were continuously catching him watching me. As I was leaving, he never took his eyes off of me. I again ran into the both of them this past weekend and he again did the same thing. He was watching me and paying attention to who I was interacting with. Late last night, he texted me to tell me that it was nice to see my daughter yesterday. He then asked me who the man was that I was hanging out with yesterday. I told him he was a friend and left it at that. He told me that I should have introduced my new “boyfriend” to him. I again clarified he was a friend. His new lady friend posted something on Facebook today stating that she was “so happy. She had finally allowed a man into her life and she was looking forward to building a strong relationship with him”, obviously meaning my ex. He told me yesterday that he was happy and that we both need to move on.
I’m beyond confused. Rebound? Does he still care? Is there even any chance at this point?
Any help would be appreciated!
I think it's a rebound. You should do no contact for another two weeks and then start talking to him again.
I think it's a rebound. You should do no contact for another two weeks and then start talking to him again.
Hi, 2 months ago, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me.
We were engaged. Currently she has depression and I am wondering if i should start no contact. We broke up because we stopped communicating and we have decided that we should write to each others about our feelings. I have been doing that till a few days ago when i decided i should have limited contact with her. any adivce? we are in a long distance relationship anyway
Tell her you need space and time to deal with the breakup and start no contact.
Tell her you need space and time to deal with the breakup and start no contact.
Hey Kevin, My ex boyfriend broke up with me for the second time. In the beginning he was head over heels for me but slowly turned cold. Each time he broke up with me I always begged him back. this time i havent done so. I am in love with this guy. First time we ended things because his ex thought she was pregnant so we stopped all communications. Turns out the baby wasn't his. We got back together but he was hesitant of becoming exclusive but eventually we did. He broke up with me two weeks after that but got back together shortly. This time he has broken up with me because he believes that i was flirting with his friend who i have known for the same amount of time i have known my ex. He also said that he was going through a lot of shit and me flirting with his friend was not okay. He called it quits even after I told him that I wasn't and told him everything we talked about. I'm devastated
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi I went 2 months NC after my gf broken up with me over a rubbish excuse. She has since appears to have a new BF .
She didnt respond to my text message after NC so I added her on snapchat to which she accepted. She immideatly sent me a snap of herself saying "on way to meet (new bf name here)"
I snapped back hope your ok to no reply. However over the last few days she has been intereacting with my via the public timeline photos, as soon as I post one she posts one back in relation to what I put, for instance Ill snap my dinner, she then snaps her dinner. What im watching on tv she does the same. She posted up songs saying "I know these lyrics" and its songs about mising someone obv hidden meaning. Then last night she responded more directly I posted up "what shall i watch" and she posted up what I should watch. Feeling good like we were getting some where. The morning after she posts up "off the see (boyfriends name here)" again this time with hearts. Felt like a bit of a dig.
What would be your advise here? Go no contact and delete her from snapchat.
Go no contact but keep her added on snapchat ---- view her public timeline snaps yay or nay during this time.
Or, continue to interact with her on snapchat even though she is clearly playing some weird mind game?
From what I can make out she only sees then new BF a couple of times a week too which may grow but yeah.
She is trying to rub it in your face that she has a boyfriend. It's a good thing you are not reacting to it. Keep doing the snapchat thing and text her again after a couple of weeks.
Hi Kevin a couple of days of writing the message I continued with the snapchat indirect message however she has now blocked me on snapchat.
Do you think the game is up or shall I wait a few weeks and try make contact again?
thanks for the reply
I'd recommend you to do no contact again for a month. Your chances are slim unless she breaks up.
I'd recommend you to do no contact again for a month. Your chances are slim unless she breaks up.
I'd recommend you to do no contact again for a month. Your chances are slim unless she breaks up.
I'd recommend you to do no contact again for a month. Your chances are slim unless she breaks up.
Hi Kevin a couple of days of writing the message I continued with the snapchat indirect message however she has now blocked me on snapchat.
Do you think the game is up or shall I wait a few weeks and try make contact again?
thanks for the reply
Hi Kevin a couple of days of writing the message I continued with the snapchat indirect message however she has now blocked me on snapchat.
Do you think the game is up or shall I wait a few weeks and try make contact again?
thanks for the reply
She is trying to rub it in your face that she has a boyfriend. It's a good thing you are not reacting to it. Keep doing the snapchat thing and text her again after a couple of weeks.
Hi Kevin,
First of all, thank you for writing these articles, they are a huge help when things are feeling extremely bleak and hopeless.
So here is a synopsis of my situation: My ex broke up with me after 3.5 years together. He is 22 and I'm 26. There are two roots of our break-up, one of which is that I have been struggling with my own issues for over a year and have never been strong enough to address them, and the other is the fact that he hates communicating if he believes it will lead to any sort of disagreement, uncomfortable situation, arguing, etc. While our break-up was out of the blue to me and I was completely devastated, I decided to take it at face value. We have been apart for two months now and I have not contacted him once during this whole time, nor has he reached out to me. We accidentally ran into each other two weeks after we broke up, and he texted me later that day saying while he has no intention of staying away from me forever, he needed more time before we could speak, but that has been our only interaction since the break-up.
I've been focusing on myself and finally addressing these lingering issues in my own life. I've been doing everything in my power to become the strong and confident version of myself that I know and love and it has honestly been working. I'm by no means over him or our break-up, but I am realizing that I truly believe separation was necessary for me to make these changes. That said, I still want him. The bottom line is that we connected on a level that I have never found before. I'm not quite ready to make contact with him yet, but I know it's already been two months. Is there any harm in continuing my silence until I am feeling more confident? From what I've told you, do you have any insight into the possibility of a future together?
You should continue no contact till the time you feel it's necessary. Yes, I do think there is a good possibility of you two getting back together.
You should continue no contact till the time you feel it's necessary. Yes, I do think there is a good possibility of you two getting back together.
Dear Kevin,
just to cut the story short, me and my gf met almost more than 7 years back and then after some time she was crazy for me and she wanted to move in together, She was the first girl i moved in with and i was the first man with whom she moved in with, so we did and every thing was fine, she liked my eyes and so did I, but almost 4 months back she one day suddenly said she wants to break up and im not livin in some other Country for project work and now my project ended and i was planning to move back to my own counrty that is Finland. i did those mistakes, i begged, i requested but didnt work and then i applied no contact rule for almost 2 months and one day she suddenly contacted me and she said set me free like im setting you free. she doesnt want to see my face but then she suddenly came on skype and started talking to me and said this display picture of mine is not ok so she sent some favourite picture of mine to me through skype so that i could use it as display picture, she sent me message that She will love herself and she will work to reduce 15 kg of her weight and she says she wants romance in her life but not from me. she says she has no feelings for me and she doesnt want me and she says she doesnt even miss me and likee me, but she says to me Ali you hurt the relatiionship and i am not giving you second chances, because Ali you cant go better.
i sent her some text to remind her about good time we had but she sent me very abusive sms and said bad words and said i told you dont contact me.
now after reading your 5 steps plan im applying no contact rule from 9.05.2014, but now im so so so worried and i miss her madly day and nite, i dont know what to do, and how long should i do the no contact.
she doesnt block me on skype but she doesnt talk to me and some times she talked and she was smiling too but suddenly she got angry and used abusive language.
what do you think about my case?
Do no contact for at least one month. You have a chance of getting her back if you follow the steps.
Do no contact for at least one month. You have a chance of getting her back if you follow the steps.
Hi Kevin,
I am Gay and not for sure if you give advice to gay women. I met a young lady that is a few years younger than me. we have been together with no titles for 8 months, but had access to each other homes and lives. We made plans to be together even get married. However I had severe insecurities that caused us to break. We went a week and a half without speaking to each other. I started going back going to her house a week and she at my house for a week. she was still coming around spending time with me and telling me she loved me. I went to counseling and have gotten better. My counselor has released me for my issues. I actually wanted to change and let go of my past. Now she is seeing someone else, deleted me off her social network and wont even speak to me. I still love her and want her back. I learned so much from her, she was inspiration to want more and be more. I have everything a house, car, a degree, a great son and a great job. I just wanted someone to share my life with. She is spending a lot of time with this other woman. Not for sure what I should I do we have not spoken to each other since last Tuesday. we got in a big argument last Monday, came and got her other belongings last Tuesday. I want her back in my life. some of her friends are my friends now. they feel that it might still be some hope and then other times they feel I should walk away. what should I do I have professed my love but that did not work. I am doing your step program. but after what I told you if you feel I should walk please tell me. If you do not respond to people like me just say no comment.
thanks,
T
Hey T,
I think you should at least try the steps once. If it doesn't work, then you can be sure it'll not work and move on.
I spoke to her and we are suppose to get together and have a face to face. I know it has only been two weeks. I called her, she answered, and she agreed to meet me. She said that she would be available on a certain date and she will call and confirm if that date does not work. If she says that date and time will not work. Then I will let it be until a few more months. Her friends and two of my friends feel that she is young and not ready for anything serious. Should I meet with her or wait?
A face to face is more of a serious talk thing. This is not the same as the meeting I mention in the plan. I'll recommend you meet her. If things don't work out, start the plan all over again.
A face to face is more of a serious talk thing. This is not the same as the meeting I mention in the plan. I'll recommend you meet her. If things don't work out, start the plan all over again.
A face to face is more of a serious talk thing. This is not the same as the meeting I mention in the plan. I'll recommend you meet her. If things don't work out, start the plan all over again.
A face to face is more of a serious talk thing. This is not the same as the meeting I mention in the plan. I'll recommend you meet her. If things don't work out, start the plan all over again.
I spoke to her and we are suppose to get together and have a face to face. I know it has only been two weeks. I called her, she answered, and she agreed to meet me. She said that she would be available on a certain date and she will call and confirm if that date does not work. If she says that date and time will not work. Then I will let it be until a few more months. Her friends and two of my friends feel that she is young and not ready for anything serious. Should I meet with her or wait?
I spoke to her and we are suppose to get together and have a face to face. I know it has only been two weeks. I called her, she answered, and she agreed to meet me. She said that she would be available on a certain date and she will call and confirm if that date does not work. If she says that date and time will not work. Then I will let it be until a few more months. Her friends and two of my friends feel that she is young and not ready for anything serious. Should I meet with her or wait?
Hey T,
I think you should at least try the steps once. If it doesn't work, then you can be sure it'll not work and move on.
Alright, this one is for everyone here. I think we can all agree this guy Kevin here, is a pretty fucking awesome guy. And I would just like to say to him, I really appreciate what your doing here and I'm sure everyone else does too, so thanks man. I tip my hat to you bro.
Thanks Zach, Condit, Dara, and Sarah. You guys made my day. :)
Hey Kevin,
Do have any statistical data on impact of NC on gender? I mean, does it work better on women or on men? When I told a friend for the first time that I am in trouble with my gf, he said "ignore her and she will come back". Apparently, this is the stereotype of women (maybe). Is there any data evidence.
Thank you,
Dara
Hey,
I don't have any statistical data. To get it, I'll have to go through thousands of emails and make a spreadsheet. But in my experience, the effectiveness is the same with both genders.
Appreciate it Kev!! Thanks! :)
Appreciate it Kev!! Thanks! :)
Appreciate it Kev!! Thanks! :)
Appreciate it Kev!! Thanks! :)
Appreciate it Kev!! Thanks! :)
Hey,
I don't have any statistical data. To get it, I'll have to go through thousands of emails and make a spreadsheet. But in my experience, the effectiveness is the same with both genders.
Hey,
I don't have any statistical data. To get it, I'll have to go through thousands of emails and make a spreadsheet. But in my experience, the effectiveness is the same with both genders.
Hey,
I don't have any statistical data. To get it, I'll have to go through thousands of emails and make a spreadsheet. But in my experience, the effectiveness is the same with both genders.
Hey Kevin,
Do have any statistical data on impact of NC on gender? I mean, does it work better on women or on men? When I told a friend for the first time that I am in trouble with my gf, he said "ignore her and she will come back". Apparently, this is the stereotype of women (maybe). Is there any data evidence.
Thank you,
Dara
Hey Kevin,
Do have any statistical data on impact of NC on gender? I mean, does it work better on women or on men? When I told a friend for the first time that I am in trouble with my gf, he said "ignore her and she will come back". Apparently, this is the stereotype of women (maybe). Is there any data evidence.
Thank you,
Dara
Kudos to him for his articles which made it crystal clear to me about where things went wrong for me and what were my deadly mistakes! I read his advises for others too. Some of them were/are my questions too. They even helped me evaluate my past relationships too! Appreciate them all Kevin!!
I agree! I learnt so much from Kevin about relationships in general... his articals are great and so are his pieces of advice and his e-mails. Thanks Kevin! :D
I think Kevin should make some kind of app to download onto phones and that way he could help even more people around the world.
I think Kevin should make some kind of app to download onto phones and that way he could help even more people around the world.
I think Kevin should make some kind of app to download onto phones and that way he could help even more people around the world.
I think Kevin should make some kind of app to download onto phones and that way he could help even more people around the world.
I agree! I learnt so much from Kevin about relationships in general... his articals are great and so are his pieces of advice and his e-mails. Thanks Kevin! :D
I agree! I learnt so much from Kevin about relationships in general... his articals are great and so are his pieces of advice and his e-mails. Thanks Kevin! :D
I agree, kevin you are the man!!! Thanks for all you help dude, you are reaching and helping a lot of people around the world.
Thanks Zach, Condit, Dara, and Sarah. You guys made my day. :)
Kudos to him for his articles which made it crystal clear to me about where things went wrong for me and what were my deadly mistakes! I read his advises for others too. Some of them were/are my questions too. They even helped me evaluate my past relationships too! Appreciate them all Kevin!!
I agree, kevin you are the man!!! Thanks for all you help dude, you are reaching and helping a lot of people around the world.
Hi Kevin, I broke up with my boyfriend after over year together because of a lot of issues we couldn't resolve. He recently had a baby with a woman he slept with once about six months before he met me. She told him she was 5 months pregnant once before we started dating. The baby is fine but the baby mama is infatuated with him and caused a lot of stress. He's doing the right thing supporting his baby and seeing her everyday but the baby mama wants him and bc he's trying to be a good dad and keep good relations, he accommodates her every whim and doesn't set boundaries. On top of that, we've had job-related stresses to deal, money issues, etc, so we've had many arguments and a few break ups in between that lasted a few days at the most. We've been through more in a year than most couples but we love each other and though it's volatile we always make up. I broke up with him and took all my stuff last week - another fight about his baby mama. He thought we were really over this time and he was devastated. I called him 2 days later but this time he was angry and said I had messed him up too much this time with the break ups and he didn't want to get back together. He defriended me on Fb. I called him a few more times over the past couple days and he is still furious with me and the last call he hung up on me and said I get him so upset and talking to me is making him mad and makes him remember all our fights. He's still angry. I sent him a final text a couple days ago that I'm not going to contact him again and I realize this break up is real and I'll move on. It's only been a few days with no contact. I know he still loves me but he is so angry this time that I think we're done. What do you think.
I think you still have a chance. Continue with no contact for at least one month.
I think you still have a chance. Continue with no contact for at least one month.
Hi Kevin,
I'm back with another issue. My ex and I have been broken up for the past 6 months now. To recap we have a 9mth old together who he comes to see every week. However it seems that every time we are on a good/cordial path, he tends to say or do things to make us cold towards each other. For example, I am quiet by nature which is the way he met me. When last saw each other which was this past weekend everything was pleasant and than he tells me how annoying I am since I'm quiet. Than he told me how I act like I'm better than everyone. It's almost like he does not want us to be nice to each other or he sees me happy and tries to make me mad of upset. Then a day later he acts as if nothing happened and wonders why I'm annoyed or have an attitude with him. Do not ask me why I still have feeling for him but I was wondering if you think there is a chance we could get back together? He used to flirt with me all the time and we used to have conversation but now we barely speak at all. I'm losing hope that he even still has any feelings for me. He seems to have moved in with his life and I'm still stuck in love with someone who seems not to want me. Also for the past couple of months we don't speak about anything other than our baby. Please give me any type of advice if you can.
Hey Jessica,
If you have not spoken about anything other than the baby in the past two months, it's time to start talking to him again and try to build attraction.
Hey Jessica,
If you have not spoken about anything other than the baby in the past two months, it's time to start talking to him again and try to build attraction.
Hi Kevin
Thank you very much for tips. I must say my heart is broken into pieces my boyfriend told me last week he does not love me anymore he just cares for me he says he just have a little bit of love left. He only sends me me one message in the morning and evening everyday it is the same messages we used to chat about so many things and now there is nothing left to say. We don't stay together but recently when we are together he is so rude to me and gives me the cold shoulder he barely touches me or likes affection from me I don't know how this all started all I want is answers from him what he is not giving me any. Most of the time he tells me he is tired when I make the effort to send him a message but he is all the time lately on twitter and facebook he is not tired when it comes to social networking. All this is driving me insane not knowing what is going on I can barely sleep, focus and continue my daily life. I love him so much but I feel so helpless. Do you think he might have an affair if he is on the social networking all the times?
Hey,
I can't say if he is having an affair or if he just lost attraction. But you should stop trying to hold on to him. Don't apply no contact, but stop being needy and start concentrating on yourself more.
Hey,
I can't say if he is having an affair or if he just lost attraction. But you should stop trying to hold on to him. Don't apply no contact, but stop being needy and start concentrating on yourself more.
Kevin,
I was with this guy for 6 months and for the most part everything was great, but after a while the type of dates he wanted was not really what I wanted. So I let him know. He slowly started to disappear, but we maintained some sort of friendship for a little while after, and then it faded away. He made it known that he started to go on dates with someone, even wearing the clothes that I got him (maybe guys are different, but I know I would've thrown or given that away). Before I knew it, they were engaged within one month of dating. What strikes me is that 5 months later their engagement fell through and he tried to reconnect with me. I don't get this behavior. What does he want? What are his intentions? Sad thing is I know I was with a boy because he ran instead of communicating back to me. Yet I know I care about this guy a lot, but since I know I spoke up for a reason and don't appreciate being disrespected, I can't figure out his place in my life. Based on his previous response, I know it's best to keep my distance, but maybe we can just be friends since I know he makes for a better friend. Should I even engage in contact with him? I mean, a part of me does wonder was it me that caused him to run, or is he a natural runner? But if he's a runner, then why would he contact me again. To know the truth isn't even for the purpose of rekindling anything, but just for a sense of closure.
Any ideas?
-April
April,
Personally, I don't think knowing the reasons for his actions will give you any closure. It might satisfy your curiosity, but it won't necessarily give you closure. The more you try to find the truth from him, the more confused you'll become. If you are looking for closure, you should apply no contact indefinitely.
April,
Personally, I don't think knowing the reasons for his actions will give you any closure. It might satisfy your curiosity, but it won't necessarily give you closure. The more you try to find the truth from him, the more confused you'll become. If you are looking for closure, you should apply no contact indefinitely.
Hi
My boyfriend who I've dated for almost two years just broke up with me. He told me that he doesn't feel the same way anymore. I could see that he tried to enjoy spending time with me but somehow it wasn't the same. He decided to break up with me, and told me he needed to figure out some stuff out. He told me he's been feeling depressed lately and will probably go see a therapist. He also just graduated from college, so I kind of understand what he's going through. Is there something I can do to help make things go back to normal? And do you think he'll come back to me?
The best thing you can do is give him space.
The best thing you can do is give him space.
My ex and i finally started talking after 5 months of NC and he is seeing someone else. we talk maybe once a week but i still have feelings for him. We talk as friends, and it is very casual, no flirting or anything.
We had a complicated break up. He ended up kissing a girl while he was very drunk and told me he didn't even know what was going on. I ended the relationship right away but he also said he couldn't be with me after what happened as he would feel too guilty. We were anyways planning to break up in a month due to distance. (We are in college) He ended up getting with the girl he kissed, but claims to not have had feelings for her when the incident happened. I know deep down he's a really good guy but the circumstances were messed up.
Now i always see him uploading new pictures of him and her, which is so unlike him. we were together for 3.5 years and didn't feel the need to publicize our relationship. He seems really happy but I wonder if its a rebound. This girl has been his friend since they were around 4 years old, and he had a crush on her when he was younger before he met me. Could it be a rebound? He also told one of my friends recently he had feelings for me. I'm very confused. Could you give me some insight into what you think it is?
Hey Julianne,
It's hard to say if his new relationship is a rebound since he had crush on the girl for a long time. I think the only way to find out is wait. I'll recommend you give yourself some time limit. How long are you willing to wait for him? If you don't get him back by that time, cut contact from him and move on.
Hey Julianne,
It's hard to say if his new relationship is a rebound since he had crush on the girl for a long time. I think the only way to find out is wait. I'll recommend you give yourself some time limit. How long are you willing to wait for him? If you don't get him back by that time, cut contact from him and move on.
Thanks very much in advance Kevin...I broke up with my gf today and the first thing I did was to search online for a solution to my problem...I'm pretty sure that all of the guys on this website are going through what I'm going and that your 5 step plan is going to make me and them very happy :)
Thanks for the comment Mr. Awesome.
Thanks for the comment Mr. Awesome.
Hi Kevin,
I have a very complicated situation, I am a 49 years old successful women. When I was 21 I was very close with a friend we had a couple of one night stands but nothing came from those nights, I was truly in love with him he was the love of my life, he knew how I felt about him. During the time that we were friends he had 2 partners, when he began dating his partners it truly broke my heart. I treasured his friendship and we remained friends and I became friends with his partners even though it hurt me seeing them together.
I supported him through some hard times emotionally and financially. My thoughts were I would rather have him in my life as a friend then not at all. We remained friends and kept in contact for many years after. I was very close with his family members especially his siblings and they were all a big part of my life, they were my family. The time came that I needed to move on and we became distant and I married my husband even though my feelings for him had never changed and were so strong. I still carried his precious photo close to my heart and in my wallet.
In July 2010, 27 years later he returned into my life through Facebook, we rang daily and organised to meet up in December, it was destiny. At the time I was still with my husband but our relationship was on the rocks, we decided to meet up for the weekend. He lived in another state but he was in the process of moving to another state after a violent, aggressive relationship breakdown. We spent a lovely weekend together, enjoying each others company and to see how we felt about each other.
Over the weekend we had long discussions regarding our relationship. I did make it clear to him that I did not want to get involved with him if it was going to be a one sided relationship as it was in the past. He needed to be sure that he truly wanted to pursue a relationship with me, as after 27 years not being in my life I would of settled for friendship. As his friendship was equally important and greatly valued. He re-assured me that he truly wanted to be with me. At the time I had a 16 year old son and a 11 year old daughter. Who became very attached to him and I did not want to upheaval their lives if he wasn't certain that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I separated from my husband, we began our relationship and we were happy, his family could see that he was happy, which he hadn't been for a long time.
He was very affectionate, loving and caring, told me he loved me, after all he was the love of my life, I did hold him close to my heart for over 27 years. He returned to his state to commence packing and preparing to move north and we were to be together. When he returned to commence his preparation for his big move, he was getting harassed and receiving many texts from his former partner. He had placed a lot of money into her property and he began to be obsessed with getting his money back. He found it hard to find work due to injuries and had limited employment so therefore I supported him and helped him financially as I have a rewarding career I am the director of a national company. He began travelling to the north, while travelling he became very distant and occupied with the issues that he was experiencing with his former partner especially the money that he was entitled to. Due to his former partner's violence and her mental health, he became concerned about our welfare and the danger that we maybe in if she found out about our plans.
I do believe that he loved me as he came across sincere and I could see it in his eyes, it came from his heart and we did have a history and it would be very difficult to convince his family otherwise. He re-assured me that we will be together but the reality was it was going to take a long time as he needed to tread carefully. He did move interstate and I would travel there regularly with my daughter, slowly he was starting to become distant. I continued to support him, he became quiet, spending more time in his room on his computer researching. It became an obsession and his life revolved around finding ways how he could obtain his money from his former partner. I travelled overseas and when I was away he messaged me that we were so different and he decided that he would give his former partner another chance.
That was 2011 and until this day I truly don't know what was the truth, if he was all along with his former partner or if the whole relationship was a cruel game or if he truly loved me. I am going to believe in my heart that he did love me as I could not imagine that he would do something so cruel to someone that truly loved him with their whole heart.The history together had to mean something, my gut feeling is that he felt that he had nothing to offer me and it was a lot easier for him to be with his former partner that had no goals or ambitions and they could live a simple life and he felt she needed him more or was there another motive such as obtaining the money that he was owed.
I have to believe that he did care for me but the timing was not right. I have had no contact with him since 2011 but not one day goes past not knowing what was the purpose of him returning into my life, we were together for 12 months. Since the break up I have succeeded in many ways with my career, fitness and trying my best to be happy and have positive outlook on life. I have seen him at the local, with his partner but he has not acknowledged us. I truly do love him and he will be in my thoughts and my heart forever. I do want to make contact him as I need something, even if it is just closure or find out once and for all if it was meant to be. I was thinking maybe a quick hello and forward him a copy of an old photo I have recently located of him fishing from many years ago as that is his passion. What are your thoughts. Thank you for your time
Hey Gayla,
I think you've been obsessing over him for too long and if contacting him has a possibility of getting closure, then you should definitely do so.
Hey Gayla,
I think you've been obsessing over him for too long and if contacting him has a possibility of getting closure, then you should definitely do so.
So I think I made all the mistakes on the list, but then we've only been broken up 2 days so I guess I might be forgiven.
SO i would try the 5 steps, but I still have to arrange some things with him, like half my stuff is at his place, Dogs to take care of etc. Do I start the no contact and ignore the stuff andlet him figure I'm not coming to feed the dogs etc? Or shall I arrange things quickly and then start no contact?
Let him know you need space and time and you won't be able to feed the dogs for a while. Then start no contact.
Let him know you need space and time and you won't be able to feed the dogs for a while. Then start no contact.
Dear Kevin,
I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of nearing 2 years. Her reason for breaking up was mainly because of religion. I wasnt a Christian as she wanted me to be. Which kinda caused her feelings to fade as well. She initiated it at the end of march, which is nearing the period of both of our exams period. During this period of time, i have texted her numerously times as i thought she would be needing someone to talk to if she is feeling stressed out. But she only replied me in the morning and at night, only just twice a day. I have stopped texting her since. What should my next move be? She will be going overseas for 6months in July. I wont be able to see her as much as i wanted to. And she told me she doesnt like to text people, she bonds with people face-to-face.
I have also heard from my friends that she said she is happier without me, she has much more freedom now.
Hey Nick,
If she is going in July and you have already broken up, then your chances of getting back together before that or even while she is away are slim. I'll recommend you apply no contact until she comes back and get back in touch with her then.
Hey Nick,
If she is going in July and you have already broken up, then your chances of getting back together before that or even while she is away are slim. I'll recommend you apply no contact until she comes back and get back in touch with her then.
Hi Kevin,
thanks a lot for helping us out who need advice at this moment.
A coleague of mine has been in love with me since last 2 years.I didnt really reciprocate because I was already in another relationship.My coleague was really a good friend of mine and helped and supported me a lot in the last times. However I have managed to freak him beyond his threshold and he is applying the 'no contact rule' now. In the mean time I have broken off my old relationship.
I tried to communicate with my coleague for the first one week. He blocked me from everywhere- phone, messengers. He is not even talking to any of our mutual friends.. not at all.. Then i stopped communicating and just sending him a postcard once in a while reminding him I am still there.
However I am going crazy in mind since I want him back because I realized I truly love him. I am moving to another country with a new job in the next couple of months and I am really worried about loosing him. Do you think I stand a chance here?
Please advise
Thanks
sam
Hey,
If you are moving to another country for a long time, do you really think it's a good idea to start a relationship with him right now? If you do, then I'll recommend you apply no contact for one month and try to get in touch with him at least two weeks before you leave.
Hey,
If you are moving to another country for a long time, do you really think it's a good idea to start a relationship with him right now? If you do, then I'll recommend you apply no contact for one month and try to get in touch with him at least two weeks before you leave.
Hi Kevin,
I could use a little advice here. I met this girl around mid march and we immediately seemed to hit it off. She is beautiful. Our personalities seemed to click very well. She is easy going and personable. Pretty much everything I've ever wanted in a girl. I had high hopes and definitely could see a future. The only downside is that she lives 3 hours away.
Fast forward about 6 weeks. We had jumped into an intimate relationship. Talking and texting everyday. We had talked a few times about how she still had some feelings for her ex that she hadn't been with in 2 years. She also told me that at times she was sexually and emotionally attracted to me and at times she wasn't. Then in the last week she started to pull away in her contact. So I would wait for her to contact me everyday which she always did, but I still knew something seemed off. Then she hits me with the whole it's obviously not working thing. Tells me that she isn't emotionally or sexually attracted to me and it's "just not there." Even though at times she said it was...but that she still cared about me...
So I started no contact right away. She texted me 2 days later to say I hope you are doing OK to which I didn't reply. That was 5 days ago.
So I'm a week into no contact, my question is do you think there is a chance of salvage given what she told me? I mean we were pretty much brutally honest with each other the entire time we were together.
My thinking is that she is only 22 and doesn't really know what she wants and I probably moved too fast for her and it scared her and put a lot of pressure on her.
Can this be saved?
Hey,
If your relationship was short (less than 2 months), then your chances are slim. You can still try getting her back with the plan, but I'll recommend you don't waste too much time pursuing her as your chances are slim.
Hey,
If your relationship was short (less than 2 months), then your chances are slim. You can still try getting her back with the plan, but I'll recommend you don't waste too much time pursuing her as your chances are slim.
Kevin,
I had a question regarding the letter and ending no-contact. Can sending the letter too soon even say after 30 Days be a bad thing? I am working on bettering myself, getting in the gym, eating right feeling great but I am going to be getting my real estate license soon. All my friends tell me when something positive happens let her know. Im just afraid that just getting the real estate license won't be enough. Maybe selling a house with my license will be better? I know every situation is different. We dated for 4.5 to 5 months. And when we broke up we left it on good terms saying that we want to better ourselves to be better together. The no contact rule has really helped I feel, I have those natural instincts that she is going to forget about me but I am just staying positive and telling myself everyday she is thinking of me just like I am thinking of her. Maybe a little less than I think of her but she still thinks about me. Your e-mails are really helpful also and I am looking forward to the 10th one. They really help everyday! I didn't receive one yesterday though and it was tough so I just went back and read the article.
Hey Bob,
I think 30 days is enough to send the letter. You don't have to mention the news in the letter. Just tell her there has been some exciting development and if she is curious, she will get in touch with you to ask about it. If she doesn't, then you can wait another two weeks or a month to contact her again.
Hey Bob,
I think 30 days is enough to send the letter. You don't have to mention the news in the letter. Just tell her there has been some exciting development and if she is curious, she will get in touch with you to ask about it. If she doesn't, then you can wait another two weeks or a month to contact her again.
Hi Kevin,
I need some advice, I'm at at loss as to how to proceed.
My ex boyfriend of a year & a half broke up with me about 7 weeks ago (I'm 26 and he's 28). While teary eyed he said he loved me and this was the hardest decision he ever had to make but when asked if we're getting married, sometimes he sees it and sometimes he can't, says he has a gut feeling sometimes that something isn't right. I had a lot of personal stuff going on our last couple months that had me pulling away from him so I think this took a toll on our relationship. I did NC for 28 days, had a positive text response on Easter and have now been back in NC since. I have been seeing a relationship therapist and she wants me to write a handwritten letter outlining the things I liked about him & our relationship, the things I didn't like about him & our relationship, what I do & don't want from a future relationship & lastly the things I learned from our relationship and mail it to him within this week. How do you feel about this? Would you think this would hurt or help my chances of getting him back? Should I send the letter and then follow-up with the text messages? Please help! I don't want to make a disastrous mistake. Thank you.
Hey Brenda,
I think the letter will help you understand yourself better and it might make you realize what you want from your life and your relationship. Instead of writing a letter to him, I'll recommend you first write the letter just for yourself.
As for sending him the letter, if you want to get him back, it's not a good idea to send him the letter, in my opinion. It might scare him off and make him put his defenses back up. It might be a good idea to give him the letter once you've already gotten back together or are on the verge of reconciliation.
So there has been some progression in my situation. My home was threatened by some fires this week and it prompted my ex boyfriend to initiate for the first time in 8 weeks. Below is how the conversation went:
Him (Wed 6:00pm) – Hey, I know there is the fire in [my town] and they closed your road. Just wanted to make sure you’re ok. If you need anything please let me know.
Me (Wed 10:05pm) – I’m ok. Thank you.
Me (Thurs 7:13pm) – I really appreciate you checking on me. It means a lot. Yesterday was really scary and stressful but everything is fine now. I’m available if you want to call.
Him (Thurs 7:25pm) – Good I’m glad to hear it. Yea just sounded like it hit pretty close to you so I was definitely thinking of ya. It’s been pretty crazy at work this week with all the fires.
And I didn't respond after that.
I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to proceed or any input on what you think this all means? Is he just doing this because he is a genuinely nice guy or because he still has feelings for me?? A third party input would be great! Please help! Thank you.
That's not a sign that he is interested in you. The reason could be either. But you should contact him again after a week or two.
That's not a sign that he is interested in you. The reason could be either. But you should contact him again after a week or two.
That's not a sign that he is interested in you. The reason could be either. But you should contact him again after a week or two.
Hey Brenda,
I think the letter will help you understand yourself better and it might make you realize what you want from your life and your relationship. Instead of writing a letter to him, I'll recommend you first write the letter just for yourself.
As for sending him the letter, if you want to get him back, it's not a good idea to send him the letter, in my opinion. It might scare him off and make him put his defenses back up. It might be a good idea to give him the letter once you've already gotten back together or are on the verge of reconciliation.
So there has been some progression in my situation. My home was threatened by some fires this week and it prompted my ex boyfriend to initiate for the first time in 8 weeks. Below is how the conversation went:
Him (Wed 6:00pm) – Hey, I know there is the fire in [my town] and they closed your road. Just wanted to make sure you’re ok. If you need anything please let me know.
Me (Wed 10:05pm) – I’m ok. Thank you.
Me (Thurs 7:13pm) – I really appreciate you checking on me. It means a lot. Yesterday was really scary and stressful but everything is fine now. I’m available if you want to call.
Him (Thurs 7:25pm) – Good I’m glad to hear it. Yea just sounded like it hit pretty close to you so I was definitely thinking of ya. It’s been pretty crazy at work this week with all the fires.
And I didn't respond after that.
I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to proceed or any input on what you think this all means? Is he just doing this because he is a genuinely nice guy or because he still has feelings for me?? A third party input would be great! Please help! Thank you.
Hi kevin,
We talked for 30 min at the phone. Tomorrow she comes to my house to see our cat. Then we will go for coffee, maybe icecream. Its a 3 hour window more or less. If you read this in time, how should I behave. Should I be flirty? Talk to her as if i'm discovering her for the first time. I dont plan on asking her about us. Should I look out for signs?
Thank you kevin
Hello,
I'm from Belgium and broke up with my ex 1 months ago! (We was five months together) the reason of the break up is that I was to jealous and possessive, she couldn't breath anymore ! It was a distance relationship (reason of my jealousy) but we use to see each other a lot and we was crazy in love ! She texted me sometime after our break up and I use to replied to her ! I sent the last message and she was abit cold for what I don't know :s ! than now I don't have any news since 2 weeks and heard that her feelings wasn't the same for me but that she know that I'm an amazing boy just to jealous and possessive and that she don't trust me when I told her I would change because it wasn't the first time !
What should I do ?
She is in Switzerland until November :s and I'm scare she find someone else because there's a lot of boy around her !!! I want her back !!!
Sorry for my bad English
Hey Kevin,
Quick recap of my story. Me and my ex were together for 8 months, and I have been in NC for over 6 weeks since the breakup. She started seeing someone pretty much immediately, not sure if she left me for him or what.
We met online, and I've been trying to meet someone new on there. So yesterday I noticed her profile was back up, but all the pics and info were gone. She was either looking at him to see if he has been on there, or looking at me. I think that's what she's doing anyway. I've seen her on there multiple times in the past day, and I'm pretty sure it means her rebound is starting to fall apart. I was thinking about sending her a quick message on there if I see her profile go back into full status. What do you think?
Thanks!
Don't send her a message on the dating site. Use texts.
Don't send her a message on the dating site. Use texts.
My ex and I have been together for four years...off and on for two years. This is the fourth time he has broken up with me. The reasons he said were: He doesn't want to be with one person for his whole life (we are in college and both 19). He thinks there is something/someone better out there for him. He thinks I am holding him back from great experiences. These have been the reasons for all the breakups but he has always come back within about and month and a half. I had never used no contact before and he still came back. This time I decided to start no contact right after he broke up with me. Its been a little over three weeks and I haven't heard from him. He was acting weird the last few weeks of the relationship. One day he would be super nice and tell me how much he loved me and then the next day he would completely ignore me. I think he's confused.... I thought he would have contacted me by now because this is the longest I have ever gone without talking to him. Do you think he is missing me and will be contacting me soon to get back together like he has the past few times. Or does it sound like this could be the end?
He is missing you. But I don't think you should get him back. Even if you do get him back, he'll leave again because he will always think there is something better out there for him. Let him go and if he realizes that there is no one better than you for him, he'll come back. Meanwhile, you should explore your options as well.
He is missing you. But I don't think you should get him back. Even if you do get him back, he'll leave again because he will always think there is something better out there for him. Let him go and if he realizes that there is no one better than you for him, he'll come back. Meanwhile, you should explore your options as well.
Hi Kevin,
I left you a message last night, I am eager to get a reply. I know it was a long winded message but I felt like I needed to fill you in with the history. As you can imagine it took me a long time to write my thoughts, could you reply to me by email, if you are unable to publish my comment. I did try to copy what I wrote but unfortunately I was experiencing difficulty copying. It would be greatly appreciated, if you could forward me a copy of my comment so I can have it on record. Truly need your help!!! Thanking you
Hey,
I've replied to your comment here.
Hey,
I've replied to your comment here.
Hey Kevin,
Just a quick update, I asked her out for drinks "Just to chill with someone." She said that's chill with her and we're going tomorrow night. I know from your emails to just be myself and be confident which I am. As I said the last time we went out about 1 month ago, I kissed her and held her close which caused emotions for me and she said for her too. So my question is, at the end of the meeting, is it OK that I hug her or should I just keep everything vocally? I think when i kissed her last time, it made me look needy and clingy but maybe it wasn't.
I'm hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. I'll just be myself and take everything slowly and not bring up anything from the past.
Hey Chris,
I think you should go with the flow. Don't think ahead whether or not you should kiss her. If the timing seems right, go ahead. I think it's OK to hug her.
Thanks for your replies, I think I'll just text her every few days or so and since she did say she "swears we'll go out one day" i'll take it for granted and let her make the move instead of me forcing her out.
I think when I do force it, it puts walls up on her. I'll follow what both your guide and Relationship Rewind says and see how it goes from there. I'll just be friendly and try to communicate more with her with texting. Thanks again Kevin and you do a wonderful job helping other people out there like me. I'm sure I'll post again but your emails and encouragement have helped me find happiness =).
Thanks for your replies, I think I'll just text her every few days or so and since she did say she "swears we'll go out one day" i'll take it for granted and let her make the move instead of me forcing her out.
I think when I do force it, it puts walls up on her. I'll follow what both your guide and Relationship Rewind says and see how it goes from there. I'll just be friendly and try to communicate more with her with texting. Thanks again Kevin and you do a wonderful job helping other people out there like me. I'm sure I'll post again but your emails and encouragement have helped me find happiness =).
Thanks for your replies, I think I'll just text her every few days or so and since she did say she "swears we'll go out one day" i'll take it for granted and let her make the move instead of me forcing her out.
I think when I do force it, it puts walls up on her. I'll follow what both your guide and Relationship Rewind says and see how it goes from there. I'll just be friendly and try to communicate more with her with texting. Thanks again Kevin and you do a wonderful job helping other people out there like me. I'm sure I'll post again but your emails and encouragement have helped me find happiness =).
Well she canceled out on me saying she is just too busy at work and isn't getting much sleep. I do believe she's telling the truth so I told her I was annoyed but understood. She said she swears we'll meet up one day when she can get sleep and she is really sorry and hopes I'm not mad. I responded with saying "I understand, just let me know and don't be a stranger lol."
I also purchased Relationship Rewind and from what I can tell, I think I'm at the Death's Door stage. I don't think she's indifferent to me yet but she isn't really pursuing me but she isn't ignoring me either. So would you recommend the steps in Deaths Door and pursue the "False Friendship" to open up communication more?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Hey Chris,
I think you should go with the flow. Don't think ahead whether or not you should kiss her. If the timing seems right, go ahead. I think it's OK to hug her.
Well she canceled out on me saying she is just too busy at work and isn't getting much sleep. I do believe she's telling the truth so I told her I was annoyed but understood. She said she swears we'll meet up one day when she can get sleep and she is really sorry and hopes I'm not mad. I responded with saying "I understand, just let me know and don't be a stranger lol."
I also purchased Relationship Rewind and from what I can tell, I think I'm at the Death's Door stage. I don't think she's indifferent to me yet but she isn't really pursuing me but she isn't ignoring me either. So would you recommend the steps in Deaths Door and pursue the "False Friendship" to open up communication more?
Kevin,
What if your ex refuses to answer phone calls and texts? Most people I know have phones, but rarely pick up. And I just tried to text my ex on an alternative number. He isn't responding because he's not seen the number. Either that or he's in a bad mood. This happened when I went on Unknown too.
And, I think he has moved pretty frequently. My last option would be email or Skype. I've already tried to talk to him on Skype; he was too angry. A lot of people won't respond to all of those mediums except Skype, so.
Do no contact for another month and email him.
Well one of my friends talked to him today. He stopped with the cops thing and seems to have calmed down a bit. Still, he insisted on calling me "a creepy stalkerish ex who thinks I'm gonna take her back".
Also, "I just want her out of my life."
I'm thinking maybe extend the NC until even next year. If he's already this PO'd the month is nothing. I already tried it. I'm thinking August at the soonest. What do you think?
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
Well one of my friends talked to him today. He stopped with the cops thing and seems to have calmed down a bit. Still, he insisted on calling me "a creepy stalkerish ex who thinks I'm gonna take her back".
Also, "I just want her out of my life."
I'm thinking maybe extend the NC until even next year. If he's already this PO'd the month is nothing. I already tried it. I'm thinking August at the soonest. What do you think?
Well one of my friends talked to him today. He stopped with the cops thing and seems to have calmed down a bit. Still, he insisted on calling me "a creepy stalkerish ex who thinks I'm gonna take her back".
Also, "I just want her out of my life."
I'm thinking maybe extend the NC until even next year. If he's already this PO'd the month is nothing. I already tried it. I'm thinking August at the soonest. What do you think?
Do no contact for another month and email him.
Also, has this plan ever failed for anyone? I think my situation differs because we've already broken up three times. Plus, he threatened to call the cops.
Like I said in the beginning of the article, it doesn't work 100% of the time.
Like I said in the beginning of the article, it doesn't work 100% of the time.
Hey Kevin,
It's been pretty hard for me with my ex, I left him back in December and found out I was pregnant with our second child, but even before that I still had feelings for him and I know he did too, well I tried to get our relationship back and everything seemed to be going good but then he started acting weird and not replying to my text messages as much. Weeks later I find out he has a new girlfriend, and trying to cope with all of this is very hard because I'm emotional as it is being pregnant, the 2 have been together now for a month and I'm worried my chances are low, I don't think it's a rebound relationship, but I do know she's not pushing him into anything he doesn't want to do, and she's aware of the second baby on the way, there is no way that I could follow with the no contact period because of the fact that we have a 3 year old daughter. But I have been doing well on not texting him unless it's about our daughter. I'm just wondering if there's any chance of us getting back together even as he has this new girlfriend. I want to give our relationship another chance because yes I do still love him and the reasons I left weren't that bad, but also for our kids. Family is very big for me and I know it is for him too.
Yes, you do have a chance. Read this article to know how to apply no contact when you have kids.
Yes, you do have a chance. Read this article to know how to apply no contact when you have kids.
Kevin,
My boyriend for 15months broke up with me last week (May 4th) he said the passion is gone and he's confused and don't want to be in a relationship. I met up with him for closure we talked about his decision is final he even kissed me before I go. And I've been contacting him ever since I felt night I had a chance to change his mind but it ended up as I'm being annoying and needy. I've been crying for a week. I don't know what else to do. He still sends me like snapchats but that's it. I want him back I don't want him to stop caring. That's how I feel right now that he doesn't care anymore. It looks like seems happy without me. What should I do? I don't want him to move on.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin.
Please help me.
My story goes like this: I was with my girlfriend for 4 years.We didn't have any fights, we understand each other, we were very supportive, but she broke up with me.She said that she had lost emotions and she looks me like a friend, also she liked some other guy, but she didn't cheated on me.She said that she realized that she will regret for sure, because I am perfect, I was so kind and good for her.I want her back, what should I do?
Follow the advice in the article.
Follow the advice in the article.
Hi Kevin,
We are a les couple. She is 26 and I'm 27. I and my gf recently broke up as we always had lots of disagreement and always quarrel. We are in a long distance relationship. I'm from Singapore and she is from Bangkok. But I make it a point to visit her monthly.
We broke up after a year during March. During our meeting, we quarrel and it ended pretty bad. I destroy all the things in her house which I bought and taking away all those important data of her work and wiping off everything from her computer. It's been 1.5 months but we still contact and keep quarreling. I keep asking for a chance to be together again. But she just refused.
Previously I bombarded her with text, email and letters. I think she find it annoying. I was tired of all those argument. So I decided not to contact her. But after 2 days she reply me saying she miss me and don't know why.
So I call her and ask she say she miss me, wana care for me, still love me. But she doesn't wana get back with me! She said she wana stay alone. So I do not know what she want. Sometime I receive messages from her saying she hate me for destroying her life blah blah blah... Blame me for everything. She just can't forget the past. A few days back she told me if she's free she will meet me, after a few days past she told me she doesn't wana see me again forever because her data is with me and she can't do her work which resulted her boss had scold her. But in the first place she did not ask me to send her the data back, only some school work.
She is in some financial difficulties, I still send money to her despite she say she do not need my help. I really hope one day I could get back to her.
Please advise! I'm really lost in life. She made a lot of promises to me and did a lot of things for me. I know saying sorry does not help now. But I'm working hard to be a better person.
Thanks.
Hey May,
You should follow the plan and work on your issues during no contact. You need to learn to be able to handle disagreements without turning into a fight.
Hey May,
You should follow the plan and work on your issues during no contact. You need to learn to be able to handle disagreements without turning into a fight.
After 4,5 year my boyfriend wants a break, he says he still loves me but when he is with me he gets in a bad mood. I am not making him happy..
Our lifes are very connected and its hard to get really no contact. But I've kind of arranged no contact since yest, when he called twice and i didnt answer and then msgd me about the dogs, saying thats all he wanted to tell me on the phone.
Today he called without caller ID (so i picked up) and he was seriousley angry that I didnt answer yest. He asked me why, because we were talking a lot yest morning but there he had told me he still wnated to continue the break. So i explained only quickly that after i made a fool out of myself yesterday trying to get back and he didnt want to, I am now trying to get my head straight and hence try avoid contact.
On the other hand one of the reasons for break up, is that he says i don't show i love him, i don't care about him and I am always playing the cool one.
Even though I can feel he is going on and on about my bad sides when we speak, no contact at all wont make him think even more I don't love and care about him?
I am still on no contact except for that time he tricked me into answering the phone..
Hey Nin,
Let him know before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup.
Hey Nin,
Let him know before starting no contact that you need space and time to deal with the breakup.
Hi Kevin, My ex birthday would be during the no contact rules can i just wish her happy birthday?
Yes, but keep it short.
Yes, but keep it short.
Hi Kevin,
You previously replied me over here:
I'm currently a week away from reaching 1 month of 'no contact'. He still hasn't initiated any contact.
Just today, he invited all his/our friends for a gathering (end of the month) on an event page he created on facebook... everyone except me. We're friends on facebook but I definitely do not stalk him. I just happened to saw one of his friends attending the event on my newsfeed and I realized everyone I knew was on the invitation list but me. I'm not sure what to think of it. What do you think?
I'm past the weepy depressed phase since he left and have been getting along well with my life now, nonetheless, I still do feel a bit hurt by this.
It makes me want to contact him immediately to see if he'll still respond (because he was still rather warm and friendly before I proceeded with 'no contact'). I'll be honest and admit that part of me is afraid that he has moved on or grew cold after I not contacting him for nearly a month. Yet my brain tells me I'm only a week away from completing 1 month 'no contact', that I can wait till then and take things slow from there so as not to mess things up.
I'm not sure what to do. What do you think of this situation? Am I too focused on the little details to be seeing the bigger picture?
Thanks again.
Don't worry about that facebook event thing. It doesn't really mean anything and your mind is just trying to create panic out of nothing.
Don't worry about that facebook event thing. It doesn't really mean anything and your mind is just trying to create panic out of nothing.
Hey Kevin so my ex has finally found someone new, i know it's most likely a rebound relationship like you say, but this ones different, well my ex is a girl and her new relationship is with a girl that she met online. I don't know what to make of it but do you think this is something I should be worried about since it's a same sex relationship or do you think this is just a cry for help on her part?
It's hard to say. Perhaps she is exploring her sexuality. Or perhaps it's a cry for help. It doesn't really change your strategy though. You should still follow the plan.
It's hard to say. Perhaps she is exploring her sexuality. Or perhaps it's a cry for help. It doesn't really change your strategy though. You should still follow the plan.
Hello Kevin My Name Is Jessica I'am 20 Years Old I Have Been With My Boyfriend For 8 Years Now I'am Currently Pregnant He Blocked My Calls Because I Cancelled His Credit Card But He Never Told Me That He Is Done What Do I Do I Don't Won't This Relationship To End I Believe He Like Someone Else
My ex changed his phone number. I read this is pretty much The End. He's moved on. Not as hurt as we thought.
So Kevin, what do you suggest I do now? I was about to apply another month or two of NC, then ring him up or email. I'm now thinking about just emailing him a letter. Let it go, and maybe in the future we'll run into each other again. I did want closure. The problem with that is he might end up engaged ETC.
Should I just let go? Continue NC?
Hey,
I think you should send the letter after two months of no contact.
Hey,
I think you should send the letter after two months of no contact.
Has anyone here gotten that Ryan Rivers Relationship Rewind thing and if so, what do you think, is it worth it?
I read the whole thing and didn't find it useful. A lot of it contradicts what Kevin says (which I think is much better advice), and some of it seems rather childish to me, and full of game playing. The only useful bit is the section on how to communicate through text to rebuild interest if you are in the "switch" stage. Otherwise, I did not find RW very good at all.
Hey there Zach
I have got the relationship rewind modules and they are very informative and highlighted a lot of areas that I need to work on and where things began going wrong in my relationship. A lot of it comes down to communicating correctly. Ryan talks about the 4 stages that a relationship can go through and the signs of what stage you are in. No mistaking for majority of people on this website what stage we are at as most of us are currently going through a painful breakup. Ryan gives very specific advice with the intentions of helping you get back with your ex.
However his thoughts completely contradict what Kevin says. Ryan Rivers is completely against the 'no contact' rule, he believes that while no contact makes your ex miss you, it actually doesn't resolve any issue which can only be resolved by communication. to quote Ryan from his module number 2
"I am very against the whole ‘no contact’ thing. And the reason is, because although it may keep you from chasing, it communicates to your partner that you genuinely don’t care about fixing the relationship. It fixes nothing! To truly return to Bliss and remain there, your partner must at least feel that you understand the problem and will work together to prevent it from re-occurring. All no contact can really do is make someone miss you more. It really is just a short-term solution. Think about what will happen when the person starts seeing you again? He or she will no longer miss you and the slight, temporary boost of attraction will be gone. The REAL REASON will still sabotage your relationship."
I found this interesting as I heard about Ryan Rivers from the emails I was getting from Kevin. who is pro 'no contact'. As to whether it works or not, I let you know in 27 days :)
Hey Steve,
I actually agree with Ryan that no contact alone is not the solution. And I think his communications tactics are extremely useful. The reason I recommend no contact is because it can help you regain composure and work on the issues that actually lead to the breakup. The reason I recommend relationship rewind is because it can help you in understanding the issues and it is an excellent system for communicating with your ex and rebuilding attraction.
BTW, Ryan does recommend no contact if your relationship is in Death's Door.
Hey Kevin
Thanks for the reply on this. I have really been getting a lot out of your website and Ryans modules. They have been very helpful. The first two weeks after my Ex broke up with me, I was a complete mess, but your emails have helped put a plan in place and just having that has settled my mind. Even if I don't get back with her, I just feel so much better this last week since I've signed up to your daily emails and it has helped identify areas that I need to work on. Keep it up :)
Hey Kevin
Thanks for the reply on this. I have really been getting a lot out of your website and Ryans modules. They have been very helpful. The first two weeks after my Ex broke up with me, I was a complete mess, but your emails have helped put a plan in place and just having that has settled my mind. Even if I don't get back with her, I just feel so much better this last week since I've signed up to your daily emails and it has helped identify areas that I need to work on. Keep it up :)
Hey Kevin
Thanks for the reply on this. I have really been getting a lot out of your website and Ryans modules. They have been very helpful. The first two weeks after my Ex broke up with me, I was a complete mess, but your emails have helped put a plan in place and just having that has settled my mind. Even if I don't get back with her, I just feel so much better this last week since I've signed up to your daily emails and it has helped identify areas that I need to work on. Keep it up :)
Hey Kevin
Thanks for the reply on this. I have really been getting a lot out of your website and Ryans modules. They have been very helpful. The first two weeks after my Ex broke up with me, I was a complete mess, but your emails have helped put a plan in place and just having that has settled my mind. Even if I don't get back with her, I just feel so much better this last week since I've signed up to your daily emails and it has helped identify areas that I need to work on. Keep it up :)
Thank you Steve I appreciate it.
I've always been the kind of person to confront problems head on the second I figure out what the problem is. The only reason I think I have been trying out the no contact rule thus far is because my ex had many other things in her life that were causing a great deal of stress on her and we really jumped into our relationship pretty fast after she broke up with her ex. I know that can make it seem like I was just a rebound but it wasn't and I know that for a fact because she often expressed she had strong feelings for me while she was still together with her ex boyfriend and so I know I was not just a rebound. I know what went wrong in my relationship and I think I will continue the no contact rule a little longer but not for the full thirty days. It has been 22 days since we had our fight but I tried to see her twice since then, the first time was ten days after the fight and then again a week later. I think my best coarse of action is to wait until next week and then let her just see me around but not talking to her, just trying to let her see me having a good time with friends and I believe that will remind her of all the things she liked about me and then perhaps use psychological triggers that will make her remember some of our best times together. And if she still doesn't make contact with me by herself then I will, but I believe my goal should be to repair our friendship before indicating to her I want to get back together. Once I've done that I can restart everything with her and win her heart all over again.
Hey Steve,
I actually agree with Ryan that no contact alone is not the solution. And I think his communications tactics are extremely useful. The reason I recommend no contact is because it can help you regain composure and work on the issues that actually lead to the breakup. The reason I recommend relationship rewind is because it can help you in understanding the issues and it is an excellent system for communicating with your ex and rebuilding attraction.
BTW, Ryan does recommend no contact if your relationship is in Death's Door.
Thank you Steve I appreciate it.
I've always been the kind of person to confront problems head on the second I figure out what the problem is. The only reason I think I have been trying out the no contact rule thus far is because my ex had many other things in her life that were causing a great deal of stress on her and we really jumped into our relationship pretty fast after she broke up with her ex. I know that can make it seem like I was just a rebound but it wasn't and I know that for a fact because she often expressed she had strong feelings for me while she was still together with her ex boyfriend and so I know I was not just a rebound. I know what went wrong in my relationship and I think I will continue the no contact rule a little longer but not for the full thirty days. It has been 22 days since we had our fight but I tried to see her twice since then, the first time was ten days after the fight and then again a week later. I think my best coarse of action is to wait until next week and then let her just see me around but not talking to her, just trying to let her see me having a good time with friends and I believe that will remind her of all the things she liked about me and then perhaps use psychological triggers that will make her remember some of our best times together. And if she still doesn't make contact with me by herself then I will, but I believe my goal should be to repair our friendship before indicating to her I want to get back together. Once I've done that I can restart everything with her and win her heart all over again.
Hey Steve,
I actually agree with Ryan that no contact alone is not the solution. And I think his communications tactics are extremely useful. The reason I recommend no contact is because it can help you regain composure and work on the issues that actually lead to the breakup. The reason I recommend relationship rewind is because it can help you in understanding the issues and it is an excellent system for communicating with your ex and rebuilding attraction.
BTW, Ryan does recommend no contact if your relationship is in Death's Door.
Thank you Steve I appreciate it.
I've always been the kind of person to confront problems head on the second I figure out what the problem is. The only reason I think I have been trying out the no contact rule thus far is because my ex had many other things in her life that were causing a great deal of stress on her and we really jumped into our relationship pretty fast after she broke up with her ex. I know that can make it seem like I was just a rebound but it wasn't and I know that for a fact because she often expressed she had strong feelings for me while she was still together with her ex boyfriend and so I know I was not just a rebound. I know what went wrong in my relationship and I think I will continue the no contact rule a little longer but not for the full thirty days. It has been 22 days since we had our fight but I tried to see her twice since then, the first time was ten days after the fight and then again a week later. I think my best coarse of action is to wait until next week and then let her just see me around but not talking to her, just trying to let her see me having a good time with friends and I believe that will remind her of all the things she liked about me and then perhaps use psychological triggers that will make her remember some of our best times together. And if she still doesn't make contact with me by herself then I will, but I believe my goal should be to repair our friendship before indicating to her I want to get back together. Once I've done that I can restart everything with her and win her heart all over again.
I read the whole thing and didn't find it useful. A lot of it contradicts what Kevin says (which I think is much better advice), and some of it seems rather childish to me, and full of game playing. The only useful bit is the section on how to communicate through text to rebuild interest if you are in the "switch" stage. Otherwise, I did not find RW very good at all.
Hey there Zach
I have got the relationship rewind modules and they are very informative and highlighted a lot of areas that I need to work on and where things began going wrong in my relationship. A lot of it comes down to communicating correctly. Ryan talks about the 4 stages that a relationship can go through and the signs of what stage you are in. No mistaking for majority of people on this website what stage we are at as most of us are currently going through a painful breakup. Ryan gives very specific advice with the intentions of helping you get back with your ex.
However his thoughts completely contradict what Kevin says. Ryan Rivers is completely against the 'no contact' rule, he believes that while no contact makes your ex miss you, it actually doesn't resolve any issue which can only be resolved by communication. to quote Ryan from his module number 2
"I am very against the whole ‘no contact’ thing. And the reason is, because although it may keep you from chasing, it communicates to your partner that you genuinely don’t care about fixing the relationship. It fixes nothing! To truly return to Bliss and remain there, your partner must at least feel that you understand the problem and will work together to prevent it from re-occurring. All no contact can really do is make someone miss you more. It really is just a short-term solution. Think about what will happen when the person starts seeing you again? He or she will no longer miss you and the slight, temporary boost of attraction will be gone. The REAL REASON will still sabotage your relationship."
I found this interesting as I heard about Ryan Rivers from the emails I was getting from Kevin. who is pro 'no contact'. As to whether it works or not, I let you know in 27 days :)
Hi Kevin, I am 1.5 weeks away from a month of no contact. At this point, I am not even sure I want to get back with him because who wants to be with someone who doesn't automatically want to be with you? Anyway, I decided I will play it by ear and see how our connection is when we meet because maybe it has faded for me too. I think about the way things ended and his excuses, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth in terms of wanting to get back with him. Anyway, I still do want to meet up eventually and see what happens though. I wanted to ask about the letter that I will send when I am ready (may or may not extend no contact, depending on how I am doing with my own life). You mentioned to apologize for something that happened during/after the break-up. The thing is I don't have anything I want to apologize about. The only thing that happened was I felt angry when he broke up with me, but I am not one to lash out and so I didn't (we also had a very civilized relationship and never fought), and all I did was send him a text saying I was angry with him after he left and that was it. Then the next day, I sent him a kind but honest letter since I process things much better after the fact (which I was actually glad about because I would have felt bad to have left things off with just anger as I was very cold the last time I saw him). That led to him emailing me and an email exchange for about 2 or so emails, further processing things. I ended it with this and have remained with NC since:
Do I still have to include an apology if I don't actually feel apologetic about anything I did, or can this part be skipped? The only thing I can think of is to maybe apologize for not accepting the breakup at first.
No, don't include an apology.
No, don't include an apology.
Hey,
I've just moved on after my ex girlfriend left me. I met a girl who I dated for 1 month. We had a really good time together (also slept together a few times), then she suddenly wrote me on facebook saying that she likes being with me so much but her feelings are "all over the place" and she wanna be just "friends" for now. She also said that she cares about me so much and I'm amazing bla bla and doesn't wanna hurt me...
This was yesterday night. I just didn't even answer her, so a bit later she she wrote me like "great, now u hate me"... didn't answer again, just went to bed basically... so I automatically started some kind of "no contanct" after reading ur amazing article so many times, and think if a girl already confused after a month then just move on.
Should I write her back 1-2 days later or just leave it if she is gonna write me again? -and if she is not gonna write me any more then I should just move on? (we had really good time together but I think her ex just talked to her again...)
thanks for your answer mate...
Since you dated her for a short time, your chances are slim. I'll recommend you forget about her and move on.
Since you dated her for a short time, your chances are slim. I'll recommend you forget about her and move on.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend (at the time) called this Tuesday to say that he wanted to talk to me face to face and wanted to come and visit, and when I asked what was wrong he didn't want to go into detail. I finally got him to tell me what he needed to say. He told me that he still loves me and didn't want to have to do this, but that he felt that he had been holding me back and not being the best man that he could be to me. He went on to say that I am a beautiful person both inside and out, and had done all that he had asked of me and that it wasn't fair of him to keep neglecting me. We have known each other for 15 yrs now, and were high school sweethearts. In the past we have broken up several times, but that last one before recently was an ugly break-up. He has always wanted to mantain a friendship with me, and even tried for 6 yrs to get me back in a relationship with him. I think that it was hurts the most, knowing that he put 6 yrs into winning me back, to now give up. I know that he has been stressed and having a long distance relationship for a yr is very hard, but now that he is closer in distance to me, he has put all of his energy into his new job out of fear of not wanting to be fired again like he was on his previous job. I have stood by him through all of these things.
We talked for almost 2hrs, and he even got a little chocked up during the conversation, but agreed with most everything I said about him allowing his stress to get the best of him and why I felt the way I did after hearing that he was willing to walk away from our relationship. Needless to say when I told him that I couldn't sit back knowing how I feel for him and still be his friend he seemed shocked and disappointed, even though he said that he knew that it may be a chance that I wouldn't want to be friends. He is insisting that it is not because his desire to be with another female, but stricly that he doesn't have his life together and doesn't want me to be disappointed in him or hold me back from my goals. He never came to talk face to face, nor does he answer my calls now. He also will not come and get his TV from my apartment, despite how polite I have been in asking him to. All of my friends keep telling me that he is leaving it on purpose to have an excuse later on to call me, but that he is probably at a loss for words since he now knows I will not just sit back and quickly agree to a friendship.
I know you said that there should at least be a 30 day minimum of no contact on my part, but what am I to do if he randomly calls me about getting his TV. Do I just not answer at all, or do I send back a text reply that I just need space from him and will speak to him when I am ready to?
Both options are fine. If you decide to return his TV, keep the conversation short and to the point. Don't talk about anything personal.
Both options are fine. If you decide to return his TV, keep the conversation short and to the point. Don't talk about anything personal.
Hi Kevin.
I'm in my early thirties and my ex gf is 26. We dated for 10 months, talked of marriage and were going to live together once I graduated grad school (this month).
Broke up nearly 8 months ago and was NC for a little over 6 months when I wrote her a hand written letter sharing my graduation accomplishment and acknowledging her positive impact on me.
She responded with a brief email, congratulating me, thanking me for the email and telling it made her smile and then wishing for me to enjoy my special day!
What do you think about my situation and how should I proceed from here?
I think it's worth trying. You should send her the text mentioned in the article.
I think it's worth trying. You should send her the text mentioned in the article.
This is awesome and all, but I really think that it's a bunch of stuff to just get an ebook sold. While there's nothing wrong with trying to get something out of helping others, I don't think it's correct to take advantage of people's vulnerabilities after a break-up. I would love for all this to work, but I guess I'm also a little skeptical about it.
And if someone has done this without buying the book then tell me, and it'll convince me that perhaps it could help.
Best wishes to all!
Hey Cindy,
Your skepticism is justified. But my intentions of creating this article and the email series is to give people who can not afford ebooks (and the internet is full of ebooks on getting your ex back) a step by step plan that can help them make sense of all the confusion. And yes, it has worked for many people. A lot of them didn't purchase anything. You can read the testimonials on this page.
Hey Cindy,
Your skepticism is justified. But my intentions of creating this article and the email series is to give people who can not afford ebooks (and the internet is full of ebooks on getting your ex back) a step by step plan that can help them make sense of all the confusion. And yes, it has worked for many people. A lot of them didn't purchase anything. You can read the testimonials on this page.
Kevin,
I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 years. I annoyed her to give me another chance when she break up with me, I showed her how miserable I am during break up because she is my first love, but after I read your article, I'm following your guide throughout the 30 days. But in between the 30 days of NC, she asked me for a lunch if I'm free. I replied with short and cool message telling her ''We'll see .'' After that she's not contact with me anymore. Now I have complete the 30 days of NC, I tried to text her, but she doesn't want to talk to me at all, with all the cool messages. Besides, she is posting pictures of her dating the guy who is always with her(SMS, fetch her to college, breakfast and dinner.) after break up with me.(previously I am the one who doing all that.) I've asked her is he her new boyfriend, she said no. My feeling is really upside down now, but still I'm acting like nothing and liked the picture that she is dating with the guy. I'm sorry for my bad English. Please guide me what to do next. Do I still have a chance to get her back?
Hey Jason,
Start no contact again. If she contacts you this time, tell her you need space and time and you'll contact her after a while.
Hi Kevin.
Just to update a bit. Yesterday I accidentally met her when I'm leaving college. That was very awkward and she didn't talk to me.(We just say "Hi'') But she definitely saw I've changed a lot physically. Later at night, she posted a few tweets on twitter saying that she actually still care about me although she acted like not.(she didn't mentioned anyone in the tweet.) should I respond?
No
No
No
No
Hi Kevin.
Just to update a bit. Yesterday I accidentally met her when I'm leaving college. That was very awkward and she didn't talk to me.(We just say "Hi'') But she definitely saw I've changed a lot physically. Later at night, she posted a few tweets on twitter saying that she actually still care about me although she acted like not.(she didn't mentioned anyone in the tweet.) should I respond?
Hi Kevin.
Just to update a bit. Yesterday I accidentally met her when I'm leaving college. That was very awkward and she didn't talk to me.(We just say "Hi'') But she definitely saw I've changed a lot physically. Later at night, she posted a few tweets on twitter saying that she actually still care about me although she acted like not.(she didn't mentioned anyone in the tweet.) should I respond?
Hey Jason,
Start no contact again. If she contacts you this time, tell her you need space and time and you'll contact her after a while.
Jessica
Hello Kevin I Left A Message Yesterday But Never Got A Response Back.
It's here.
It's here.
i have posted a comment but it hasnt appear yet
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Hey Kevin, I need a tip
How do I know whether I'm in the friend zone, for example… We were in a short relationship, but he said we should be just friends. After 30days no contact, he contacted me (first) and now we communicate trough Facebook. He write me often first, but for now …all friendly.
We don’t talk about us
We live in different cities, so now we only communicate through Facebook, I’m thinking to suggest meeting soon, and act friendly.
But how do I know if I got in the friend zone? And if I am how do I stop it?
Thank you
Hey Martina,
It's hard to say if you are in friendzone from what you said. I think the easiest way to figure it out is when you meet him.
How?
When we met, it will be the first meeting after we break up, the relationship was not long nor defined.
We had a fight because I was hurt.
He is now again very close to me, but I believe that when we meet he will behave friendly as I do, how can I now if he really don’t feel anything more to me than friendship?
He is very unclear, and I don’t want to ask anything directly,I don’t want to look needy... :/
Don't just act friendly. Flirt with him and see how he reacts.
Don't just act friendly. Flirt with him and see how he reacts.
Don't just act friendly. Flirt with him and see how he reacts.
Don't just act friendly. Flirt with him and see how he reacts.
How?
When we met, it will be the first meeting after we break up, the relationship was not long nor defined.
We had a fight because I was hurt.
He is now again very close to me, but I believe that when we meet he will behave friendly as I do, how can I now if he really don’t feel anything more to me than friendship?
He is very unclear, and I don’t want to ask anything directly,I don’t want to look needy... :/
How?
When we met, it will be the first meeting after we break up, the relationship was not long nor defined.
We had a fight because I was hurt.
He is now again very close to me, but I believe that when we meet he will behave friendly as I do, how can I now if he really don’t feel anything more to me than friendship?
He is very unclear, and I don’t want to ask anything directly,I don’t want to look needy... :/
Hey Martina,
It's hard to say if you are in friendzone from what you said. I think the easiest way to figure it out is when you meet him.
I don't see my message. Sorry Kevin.
Q,
I can't find your message either. Can you post it again? Try to keep it short this time.
Q,
I can't find your message either. Can you post it again? Try to keep it short this time.
Hi Kevin,
I have an idea and I wanted to just run it past you and hear your thoughts on the matter. About a week into our relationship, me and her were talking about where things were heading between us, we both agreed on where we wanted things to go but she was scared and a little pessimistic because of all the things that had been happening in her life at the time and so she raised the question of what if Sh!t happens and I asked what she meant and she just said that sometimes things happen and so I asked her if she trusted me and she said yes and I asked her again but this time asked if she trusted me completely and entirely, even with her heart and she again said yes, so I promised her then that if Sh!t happens then me and her would get through it together.
What I'm asking you is if their is anyway in which I can use that to my advantage, perhaps bring up the fact that I promised her that no matter what happened, that I would do whatever it took to make everything okay again?
Earlier I asked you about my problem sending her a letter because of her living with her parents and you told me that facebook is okay to use but here is the thing and I’m trying not to be difficult here but she doesn’t have a facebook account on the fact that she hates how everyone uses it to tell everyone exactly what they are doing 24/7 and I have always agreed. I suppose I can stick to the plan and write a letter and just hope that her parents aren’t so invasive of her privacy as to open her mail but who knows with them, It’s really 50/50 when it comes to her father.
Hi again Kevin,
I have just been adding to my comments here as more things come to mind.
I saw your comment on Steve's post after I asked him about relationship rewind, you mentioned death's door. I'm on deaths door. Since I have already told her that I have accepted the breakup and her decision not to be friends anymore and that its been a month since it happened, I think that maybe I should start to let her see me hanging out with my friends in the hallway at school, just looking my best and being happy in general which is not really a lie as my mood has improved greatly and I have been making many improvements in my life. It sounds pretty fast to already be making these improvements but I'm very good at finding problems and pretty good at fixing them and I am a fast learner. I don't plan on talking to her or even letting her know that I notice her, I just want her to see me and my improvements and hopefully that should be an alternative to using a social network as Ryan suggest using to allow your ex to see your improvements without communicating with us. The only reason I need an alternative is because neither of us use any social networks that show statuses and what we have been up to. So any thoughts on this and my other comments?
As always, thanks Kevin, it's very much appreciated.
P.S. I've given much thought on why it is important to me to fix things with her and have decided that my reasons are clear and simple, #1 I know I make her happy, she would tell me and some of our mutual friends about it often, and would go into great detail as to how I made her feel and why I made her feel that way as well as the way it felt, and I enjoyed seeing and making her smile as it would make me happy. #2 The way she makes me feel, as if nothing else in the world mattered when she was in my arms or even just holding my hand. #3 No matter how bad a day was for either one of us, seeing the other smile would wash away the bad day and make it a new one, she told me that herself once. #4 I love her.
Hey Zach,
I think it's a good idea. And even though I don't think it's a very good reason to get back together (since what you are describing is just honeymoon stage of a relationship, and not things like compatibility, ability to resolve conflicts, future goals etc.), I think you should go ahead with the death's door plan. You are young, and if you want to pursue her, you should do it. Although, I'll recommend you set yourself a time limit. If things don't work out till then, you should move on.
Hey Zach,
I think it's a good idea. And even though I don't think it's a very good reason to get back together (since what you are describing is just honeymoon stage of a relationship, and not things like compatibility, ability to resolve conflicts, future goals etc.), I think you should go ahead with the death's door plan. You are young, and if you want to pursue her, you should do it. Although, I'll recommend you set yourself a time limit. If things don't work out till then, you should move on.
Hey Zach,
I think it's a good idea. And even though I don't think it's a very good reason to get back together (since what you are describing is just honeymoon stage of a relationship, and not things like compatibility, ability to resolve conflicts, future goals etc.), I think you should go ahead with the death's door plan. You are young, and if you want to pursue her, you should do it. Although, I'll recommend you set yourself a time limit. If things don't work out till then, you should move on.
Hey Zach,
I think it's a good idea. And even though I don't think it's a very good reason to get back together (since what you are describing is just honeymoon stage of a relationship, and not things like compatibility, ability to resolve conflicts, future goals etc.), I think you should go ahead with the death's door plan. You are young, and if you want to pursue her, you should do it. Although, I'll recommend you set yourself a time limit. If things don't work out till then, you should move on.
Hi again Kevin,
I have just been adding to my comments here as more things come to mind.
I saw your comment on Steve's post after I asked him about relationship rewind, you mentioned death's door. I'm on deaths door. Since I have already told her that I have accepted the breakup and her decision not to be friends anymore and that its been a month since it happened, I think that maybe I should start to let her see me hanging out with my friends in the hallway at school, just looking my best and being happy in general which is not really a lie as my mood has improved greatly and I have been making many improvements in my life. It sounds pretty fast to already be making these improvements but I'm very good at finding problems and pretty good at fixing them and I am a fast learner. I don't plan on talking to her or even letting her know that I notice her, I just want her to see me and my improvements and hopefully that should be an alternative to using a social network as Ryan suggest using to allow your ex to see your improvements without communicating with us. The only reason I need an alternative is because neither of us use any social networks that show statuses and what we have been up to. So any thoughts on this and my other comments?
As always, thanks Kevin, it's very much appreciated.
P.S. I've given much thought on why it is important to me to fix things with her and have decided that my reasons are clear and simple, #1 I know I make her happy, she would tell me and some of our mutual friends about it often, and would go into great detail as to how I made her feel and why I made her feel that way as well as the way it felt, and I enjoyed seeing and making her smile as it would make me happy. #2 The way she makes me feel, as if nothing else in the world mattered when she was in my arms or even just holding my hand. #3 No matter how bad a day was for either one of us, seeing the other smile would wash away the bad day and make it a new one, she told me that herself once. #4 I love her.
Hi again Kevin,
I have just been adding to my comments here as more things come to mind.
I saw your comment on Steve's post after I asked him about relationship rewind, you mentioned death's door. I'm on deaths door. Since I have already told her that I have accepted the breakup and her decision not to be friends anymore and that its been a month since it happened, I think that maybe I should start to let her see me hanging out with my friends in the hallway at school, just looking my best and being happy in general which is not really a lie as my mood has improved greatly and I have been making many improvements in my life. It sounds pretty fast to already be making these improvements but I'm very good at finding problems and pretty good at fixing them and I am a fast learner. I don't plan on talking to her or even letting her know that I notice her, I just want her to see me and my improvements and hopefully that should be an alternative to using a social network as Ryan suggest using to allow your ex to see your improvements without communicating with us. The only reason I need an alternative is because neither of us use any social networks that show statuses and what we have been up to. So any thoughts on this and my other comments?
As always, thanks Kevin, it's very much appreciated.
P.S. I've given much thought on why it is important to me to fix things with her and have decided that my reasons are clear and simple, #1 I know I make her happy, she would tell me and some of our mutual friends about it often, and would go into great detail as to how I made her feel and why I made her feel that way as well as the way it felt, and I enjoyed seeing and making her smile as it would make me happy. #2 The way she makes me feel, as if nothing else in the world mattered when she was in my arms or even just holding my hand. #3 No matter how bad a day was for either one of us, seeing the other smile would wash away the bad day and make it a new one, she told me that herself once. #4 I love her.
Earlier I asked you about my problem sending her a letter because of her living with her parents and you told me that facebook is okay to use but here is the thing and I’m trying not to be difficult here but she doesn’t have a facebook account on the fact that she hates how everyone uses it to tell everyone exactly what they are doing 24/7 and I have always agreed. I suppose I can stick to the plan and write a letter and just hope that her parents aren’t so invasive of her privacy as to open her mail but who knows with them, It’s really 50/50 when it comes to her father.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my ex were together for 8 months, and I've been in NC for 7 weeks. She started seeing someone right after we broke up. We met online, and I just noticed that her profile is back up, so I think her rebound is over. I was thinking about sending her a message on there. Do you think that's a good idea? If so, what should I say?
Thanks!
Yes. Choose from either the letter or the texts in the article.
Yes. Choose from either the letter or the texts in the article.
My ex and I had been together for almost 13 yrs and we broke up in Sept. of 2013. We have 2 kids together. Basically our whole relationship, he was stepping out. He even had kids outside of our relationship, but i stayed. The last few months in our relationship, i cheated on him. He found out, i confessed, we stayed together. While we called ourselves trying to work things out, all we did was argue and fight. We didn't trust each other, but we loved each other. I broke up with him. He begged me to stay, said he would change, and I left him anyway. I know I hurt him badly. I got with the guy that I cheated on him with. My ex got with a girl in the end on Nov. and by the end of Feb. he was engaged. In the beginning of April, I broke up with my bf because I was missing my ex and I realized that i never stopped loving him. I told my ex how i felt and he said he still loves me too, but feels its best for us to remain as friends. Not only is he engaged to her, but she is pregnant. They are also about to get an apt. together in about 1 1/2 months. We have been sleeping together, and I have been cooking meals for him and calling to wake him in the morning for work. (he has 2 jobs & sometimes sleeps through the alarm). I have been doing for him, the things that she doesn't like to do. Trying to show him what he is missing, I guess. Well, its not working. And I have already made all the mistakes you mentioned in your guide. (texting,calling,begging). He tells me that if I would have felt this way a little sooner, then maybe we could have worked things out, but I waited until they are getting ready to move in together. He says I gave him the opportunity to fall in love with someone else. I really don't know what to do. I know once they move in together, then its over. I thought it was a rebound thing, because how could he love me so much, and in 13 yrs, we have talked about marriage, but he never proposed, and now after a few months of him meeting this girl, he proposes to her. Our last text with each other was today...I told him that he would never leave her if I keep doing all the things for him that she don't do. He has his cake, and he is eating it too. I told him I'm still waiting for him. He told me not to wait, to find someone, and that if we were meant to be, we will be. If we are not then we won't. What am I suppose to do with that? I don't know what Im going to do. Please help me.
Hey Cynthia,
I think chances of him following through with the engagement are pretty slim. You are right about him having his cake and eating it too. You should follow the 5 step plan. Tell him you need space and time to deal with the breakup and start no contact. Read this article to learn how to do no contact when you have kids.
Hey Cynthia,
I think chances of him following through with the engagement are pretty slim. You are right about him having his cake and eating it too. You should follow the 5 step plan. Tell him you need space and time to deal with the breakup and start no contact. Read this article to learn how to do no contact when you have kids.
Kevin,
Thank you for responding to my two posts so far. Earlier you said that my ex has put up a wall, and I should give it a shot. NC ends this week for me, so I'm going to try, but I'm worried that his mental wall is too high. He has not contacted me at all. My male friends say that he is most likely not thinking about me and blocking out thoughts of us (he did say he didn't miss me after all, after we broke up). Also, I will be leaving the country in 8 months for a few years, and he did say that LDR will be difficult if he didn't love the person so much to try, though we did survive a 3-year LDR before. If he is actively resisting thoughts of getting back together, or even having romantic feelings toward me, should I even have hope to try everything you listed (I am actively following your emails) and Relationship Rewind ..? Am having a moment of weakness here, sorry..
Thanks for the help.
That's why you can't be direct when you contact him. When you contact him as a friend and say you just want to catch up, he is going to put his guard down.
Thanks, and I did. I sent the email you suggested, and he was actually up for catching up the day after I sent it. I kept up a positive, friendly vibe but I could still sense his wall. While he was really curious about what was happening in my life/who I was hanging out with, he seemed reluctant to do future activities together. I suggested we do some sports if he liked/if I could be invited to a social event he might organize again that I found fun, but he answered with maybe's and kept suggesting that I do them with my other friends instead (he said it might still be awkward). I responded to that, by saying that it's OK, I understand.
But I guess I'll back off for a while after solidifying the false friendship with a follow-up email, see what happens, and let him take the lead on the next step?
Sounds good. Give him a week or two initiate contact after that.
Kevin, with regards to your suggestion about increasing NC to 3 months, do I start over again, or continue for 2 more months? How do I evaluate if he is still angry/hurt (considering that he was willing to meet 1-on-1 to catch up, but was awkward at social events though he opened up for a while), and 3-month NC is needed? I know he was receptive to my words (as he worked on his GSI after I suggested them), but he is still putting out emotional distance, and has not contacted me since we last met a week ago (which I can understand).
And if our friends organize parties, do I not attend? If I attend them, how do I treat him? Treat him as an acquaintance and mirror his behavior? My PhD graduation weekend is next week, and there's a chance I might bump into him (he said he's going to take photos with our friends), how do I act? Do I take photos with him?
My plan (before your suggestion) was to not contact him and simply hang out at events our friends invite him and me to, instead. Or do you think it's still too much?
Finally, if he contacts me (which I'm really doubting at the moment), how should I react?
Sorry I have so many questions; I just don't know how to evaluate what's going on. He's warm and cold; when I gchatted him before the dinner with our friends, his replies were very concise (but not rude), though when I said 'looks like you're busy, and I'm going off soon to dinner', he said he was distracted with writing his blog (long reply times are normal for him when he's working). He was initially reluctant to attend the dinner as he wasn't invited as first (I only told him about it then), but when I framed it as a way to celebrate someone's birthday and to hang out with friends, he said "ok i'll come along if it's not too weird".
I don't know if he even looks at my FB anymore either. I just tried a new activity he was really interested in as well, but he didn't even 'like' the photos, and 'liked' another link on someone else's wall instead. =/
Continue for 2 more months. Treat as limited contact instead of NC. If he contacts you, respond and see how it goes. When you see him at events, be friendly if he is friendly, and cold if he is cold. As you said, mirror his behavior.
Continue for 2 more months. Treat as limited contact instead of NC. If he contacts you, respond and see how it goes. When you see him at events, be friendly if he is friendly, and cold if he is cold. As you said, mirror his behavior.
Continue for 2 more months. Treat as limited contact instead of NC. If he contacts you, respond and see how it goes. When you see him at events, be friendly if he is friendly, and cold if he is cold. As you said, mirror his behavior.
Continue for 2 more months. Treat as limited contact instead of NC. If he contacts you, respond and see how it goes. When you see him at events, be friendly if he is friendly, and cold if he is cold. As you said, mirror his behavior.
Continue for 2 more months. Treat as limited contact instead of NC. If he contacts you, respond and see how it goes. When you see him at events, be friendly if he is friendly, and cold if he is cold. As you said, mirror his behavior.
Continue for 2 more months. Treat as limited contact instead of NC. If he contacts you, respond and see how it goes. When you see him at events, be friendly if he is friendly, and cold if he is cold. As you said, mirror his behavior.
I did not mention that the conflicts I caused were due to so many factors mentioned in relationship decay (obligation/ultimatum, not reinforcing his GSI, making too many life-altering decisions for him, guilt-tripping, imbalance, mistrust, etc.). I don't know if I made too many mistakes that it is hopeless in his eyes that I would ever be right for him? I know I am not a bad person though (I have many good friends, am supportive/positive to friends, working toward a PhD, not bad looking). I just have abandonment issues, which led to insecurity (which I am working on) and a lot of issues during our relationship. How can I show him that those issues will not crop up again, since those aren't traits that show up till two people start dating..? Thank you for your help so far.
Hey Natalie,
You are going to unofficially start dating when you two start hanging out. When you guys meet, even though it'll be under the disguise of friends hanging out, there will always be a part of his mind which will be evaluating you as a potential partner. If you don't show any signs of neediness or of someone with abandonment issues, he is going to pick it up.
Hey Natalie,
You are going to unofficially start dating when you two start hanging out. When you guys meet, even though it'll be under the disguise of friends hanging out, there will always be a part of his mind which will be evaluating you as a potential partner. If you don't show any signs of neediness or of someone with abandonment issues, he is going to pick it up.
Hey Natalie,
You are going to unofficially start dating when you two start hanging out. When you guys meet, even though it'll be under the disguise of friends hanging out, there will always be a part of his mind which will be evaluating you as a potential partner. If you don't show any signs of neediness or of someone with abandonment issues, he is going to pick it up.
Hey Natalie,
You are going to unofficially start dating when you two start hanging out. When you guys meet, even though it'll be under the disguise of friends hanging out, there will always be a part of his mind which will be evaluating you as a potential partner. If you don't show any signs of neediness or of someone with abandonment issues, he is going to pick it up.
Hey Natalie,
You are going to unofficially start dating when you two start hanging out. When you guys meet, even though it'll be under the disguise of friends hanging out, there will always be a part of his mind which will be evaluating you as a potential partner. If you don't show any signs of neediness or of someone with abandonment issues, he is going to pick it up.
Hey Natalie,
You are going to unofficially start dating when you two start hanging out. When you guys meet, even though it'll be under the disguise of friends hanging out, there will always be a part of his mind which will be evaluating you as a potential partner. If you don't show any signs of neediness or of someone with abandonment issues, he is going to pick it up.
I also forgot to ask, he still has things left in my apartment since he moved out (just books though). Should I just leave them till he asks to take them, or ask him to take them away? I don't know if leaving them here will make him think I'm holding on to something, but I don't want him to think that I'm pushing him away/trying to hurt him by bringing up the past/looking for excuses to talk to him by asking him to take his stuff..
Ignore them unless he asks for it.
Ignore them unless he asks for it.
Ignore them unless he asks for it.
Ignore them unless he asks for it.
Ignore them unless he asks for it.
Ignore them unless he asks for it.
Thanks Kevin. I have been thinking about whether I should give him more time to heal from our breakup? We dated for 8 years after all, and we had a lot of conflict, mostly started by me. Perhaps 2 months isn't enough for him to remove the negative light he sees me in? I'm just extrapolating from his behavior over our last 3 interactions -- disinterest, ignorance, refusal to hang out, and very little response (just short curt replies) when I try to email/IM him.
If you think so, you should increase NC to 3 months.
If you think so, you should increase NC to 3 months.
If you think so, you should increase NC to 3 months.
If you think so, you should increase NC to 3 months.
If you think so, you should increase NC to 3 months.
If you think so, you should increase NC to 3 months.
Ok. Does that mean I completely messed it up then? Do you have any recommendations, besides contacting him less often..?
Since NC period started, I have been a lot more positive, and I think it shows in my posts and comments on FB. Halfway through NC period (so a month ago), I started a motivational blog to help motivate other people in their lives (general life, career, personal relationships), so my positivity and encouragements are not a farce, and definitely not just for him. I mean, when we met, I was definitely acting like I would now to a close friend. But maybe I showered him with too many encouragements within the first week of contact? I did encourage him on his GSI, and to hang out more with this long-time friend, and said I was proud of what his company was doing (which is something I've been saying for a long time, but he did not accept because he thinks I hate his work for taking time away from us). These were things that (I thought) I had always been encouraging him to do before we broke up though.
No, it doesn't mean you messed it up. You still have a chance. Just take it down a notch when you are with him. I proud of all the progress you've made a lot of progress and I know it's not just for him. But he doesn't. And he might feel like that you are doing it just to rub it in his face. Note that I am just taking a guess here and I may be wrong.
No, it doesn't mean you messed it up. You still have a chance. Just take it down a notch when you are with him. I proud of all the progress you've made a lot of progress and I know it's not just for him. But he doesn't. And he might feel like that you are doing it just to rub it in his face. Note that I am just taking a guess here and I may be wrong.
No, it doesn't mean you messed it up. You still have a chance. Just take it down a notch when you are with him. I proud of all the progress you've made a lot of progress and I know it's not just for him. But he doesn't. And he might feel like that you are doing it just to rub it in his face. Note that I am just taking a guess here and I may be wrong.
No, it doesn't mean you messed it up. You still have a chance. Just take it down a notch when you are with him. I proud of all the progress you've made a lot of progress and I know it's not just for him. But he doesn't. And he might feel like that you are doing it just to rub it in his face. Note that I am just taking a guess here and I may be wrong.
No, it doesn't mean you messed it up. You still have a chance. Just take it down a notch when you are with him. I proud of all the progress you've made a lot of progress and I know it's not just for him. But he doesn't. And he might feel like that you are doing it just to rub it in his face. Note that I am just taking a guess here and I may be wrong.
No, it doesn't mean you messed it up. You still have a chance. Just take it down a notch when you are with him. I proud of all the progress you've made a lot of progress and I know it's not just for him. But he doesn't. And he might feel like that you are doing it just to rub it in his face. Note that I am just taking a guess here and I may be wrong.
Hmm =/ I wonder if he's guessed what I'm doing, suddenly becoming more encouraging and positive than before, right after we resumed contact... He's really perceptive and smart, after all... (He has a PhD..)
That's definitely a possibility.
That's definitely a possibility.
That's definitely a possibility.
That's definitely a possibility.
That's definitely a possibility.
That's definitely a possibility.
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I get what you mean. And perhaps I should treat him more like an acquaintance when I chat with him? It seems to make him uncomfortable when I bring up fun things that he / we did in the past.
It's really confusing because, this week he started working on an item related to his GSI after I encouraged him to do it during our meeting last week (he said before he didn't have time to work on it). I offered to help but he said he had enough people to help, but maybe.
And he denies he looks at my FB though he mentioned a comment my friend made on my post.
During the dinner he put up some defensive poses (crossed arms) too.
Is he putting up a wall again, and how do I get around it..? I've already demonstrated that I am ready to just be his friend, and looked good on both meet-ups. Or am I over-doing it, by showing how much fun I am having and moving on? I mentioned 2 guy friends that I hung out with, did I do that too soon? I joked about him trying to attract girls with his new look (he changed his physical appearance for the better), should I not have done that?
If he thinks it's better for himself to move on, if he thinks he doesn't stand a chance/can't give me what he thought I want (from his experience in our past r/s), what can I do about that..? I know at some point I need him to actually start asking me to hang out for the rewind to work..
Hey Natalie,
It's possible he just felt a little awkward at the dinner. I'd recommend you take it down a notch with contacting him. I think you are trying to move things too fast.
Hey Natalie,
It's possible he just felt a little awkward at the dinner. I'd recommend you take it down a notch with contacting him. I think you are trying to move things too fast.
Hey Natalie,
It's possible he just felt a little awkward at the dinner. I'd recommend you take it down a notch with contacting him. I think you are trying to move things too fast.
Hey Natalie,
It's possible he just felt a little awkward at the dinner. I'd recommend you take it down a notch with contacting him. I think you are trying to move things too fast.
Hey Natalie,
It's possible he just felt a little awkward at the dinner. I'd recommend you take it down a notch with contacting him. I think you are trying to move things too fast.
Hey Natalie,
It's possible he just felt a little awkward at the dinner. I'd recommend you take it down a notch with contacting him. I think you are trying to move things too fast.
I wonder if he guessed my agenda.... or being around our common friends was awkward for him? If so, how do I make him more comfortable around me =/
So I managed to get him to come to dinner with me and a bunch of our friends (I kept to your advice about keeping it friendly and fun)... but he was still acting quite awkward... =/ He acted quite unresponsive or disinterested to what I was saying half the time, claimed he didn't look at my FB (though I know he looked at my blog), and kept trying to talk to the other people (I sat next to him). When I suggested to others we go for a movie at some point he said he wasn't interested. What should I do...? It's been 2 months since we broke up after 8.5 years together, and I did the 30-day NC period, but he's acting even less comfortable around me than before the NC period..
I'm sorry I'm asking more questions again. During our dinner (first interaction after no-contact), I mentioned some guys that I was hanging out with (I wasn't sure if he was perturbed by that), and I will be hanging out with more male friends over the weekend. He has not responded to my last email yet (he replied once to my email to solidify friendship, but no response after that to my next reply), or asked to hang out. We also have not hung out with other friends in a group yet either.
If I post photos of myself doing fun activities with another guy, am I doing the sequence wrong, ie. putting the scarcity step ahead of the solidifying friendship step? Will this be encouraging him to move on instead?
I am also worried that I don't stand much of a chance since I will be leaving the country in 6 months for a few years, and that he will reason to himself that if he will be lonely anyway, why not be lonely now? =/
Or maybe I should give him some time, it's only been a week since we re-established contact?
Thanks..
I think it's OK to put pics on facebook. It won't encourage him to move on.
I think it's OK to put pics on facebook. It won't encourage him to move on.
I think it's OK to put pics on facebook. It won't encourage him to move on.
I think it's OK to put pics on facebook. It won't encourage him to move on.
I think it's OK to put pics on facebook. It won't encourage him to move on.
I think it's OK to put pics on facebook. It won't encourage him to move on.
Also, do you think that our meet-up can be considered the first face-to-face to solidify friendship? We pretty much skipped the middle steps of texting/email etc. before meeting up. And he was still trying to put emotional distance between us. So am I still at square one of trying to create a false friendship?
Thanks.. Sorry did you mean for him to initiate contact, or me?
Also, what if our common friend is organizing a small social event (just 3-5 people) this weekend? (He and I only met last weekend) Should I get her to invite him as well, or will the social setting be too small/too early that he might be cautious..?
I meant if he doesn't contact you in the next couple of weeks, then you contact him. The event might be a good idea since it's less threatening.
I meant if he doesn't contact you in the next couple of weeks, then you contact him. The event might be a good idea since it's less threatening.
I meant if he doesn't contact you in the next couple of weeks, then you contact him. The event might be a good idea since it's less threatening.
I meant if he doesn't contact you in the next couple of weeks, then you contact him. The event might be a good idea since it's less threatening.
I meant if he doesn't contact you in the next couple of weeks, then you contact him. The event might be a good idea since it's less threatening.
I meant if he doesn't contact you in the next couple of weeks, then you contact him. The event might be a good idea since it's less threatening.
Kevin, with regards to your suggestion about increasing NC to 3 months, do I start over again, or continue for 2 more months? How do I evaluate if he is still angry/hurt (considering that he was willing to meet 1-on-1 to catch up, but was awkward at social events though he opened up for a while), and 3-month NC is needed? I know he was receptive to my words (as he worked on his GSI after I suggested them), but he is still putting out emotional distance, and has not contacted me since we last met a week ago (which I can understand).
And if our friends organize parties, do I not attend? If I attend them, how do I treat him? Treat him as an acquaintance and mirror his behavior? My PhD graduation weekend is next week, and there's a chance I might bump into him (he said he's going to take photos with our friends), how do I act? Do I take photos with him?
My plan (before your suggestion) was to not contact him and simply hang out at events our friends invite him and me to, instead. Or do you think it's still too much?
Finally, if he contacts me (which I'm really doubting at the moment), how should I react?
Sorry I have so many questions; I just don't know how to evaluate what's going on. He's warm and cold; when I gchatted him before the dinner with our friends, his replies were very concise (but not rude), though when I said 'looks like you're busy, and I'm going off soon to dinner', he said he was distracted with writing his blog (long reply times are normal for him when he's working). He was initially reluctant to attend the dinner as he wasn't invited as first (I only told him about it then), but when I framed it as a way to celebrate someone's birthday and to hang out with friends, he said "ok i'll come along if it's not too weird".
I don't know if he even looks at my FB anymore either. I just tried a new activity he was really interested in as well, but he didn't even 'like' the photos, and 'liked' another link on someone else's wall instead. =/
I did not mention that the conflicts I caused were due to so many factors mentioned in relationship decay (obligation/ultimatum, not reinforcing his GSI, making too many life-altering decisions for him, guilt-tripping, imbalance, mistrust, etc.). I don't know if I made too many mistakes that it is hopeless in his eyes that I would ever be right for him? I know I am not a bad person though (I have many good friends, am supportive/positive to friends, working toward a PhD, not bad looking). I just have abandonment issues, which led to insecurity (which I am working on) and a lot of issues during our relationship. How can I show him that those issues will not crop up again, since those aren't traits that show up till two people start dating..? Thank you for your help so far.
I also forgot to ask, he still has things left in my apartment since he moved out (just books though). Should I just leave them till he asks to take them, or ask him to take them away? I don't know if leaving them here will make him think I'm holding on to something, but I don't want him to think that I'm pushing him away/trying to hurt him by bringing up the past/looking for excuses to talk to him by asking him to take his stuff..
Thanks Kevin. I have been thinking about whether I should give him more time to heal from our breakup? We dated for 8 years after all, and we had a lot of conflict, mostly started by me. Perhaps 2 months isn't enough for him to remove the negative light he sees me in? I'm just extrapolating from his behavior over our last 3 interactions -- disinterest, ignorance, refusal to hang out, and very little response (just short curt replies) when I try to email/IM him.
Ok. Does that mean I completely messed it up then? Do you have any recommendations, besides contacting him less often..?
Since NC period started, I have been a lot more positive, and I think it shows in my posts and comments on FB. Halfway through NC period (so a month ago), I started a motivational blog to help motivate other people in their lives (general life, career, personal relationships), so my positivity and encouragements are not a farce, and definitely not just for him. I mean, when we met, I was definitely acting like I would now to a close friend. But maybe I showered him with too many encouragements within the first week of contact? I did encourage him on his GSI, and to hang out more with this long-time friend, and said I was proud of what his company was doing (which is something I've been saying for a long time, but he did not accept because he thinks I hate his work for taking time away from us). These were things that (I thought) I had always been encouraging him to do before we broke up though.
Hmm =/ I wonder if he's guessed what I'm doing, suddenly becoming more encouraging and positive than before, right after we resumed contact... He's really perceptive and smart, after all... (He has a PhD..)
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I get what you mean. And perhaps I should treat him more like an acquaintance when I chat with him? It seems to make him uncomfortable when I bring up fun things that he / we did in the past.
It's really confusing because, this week he started working on an item related to his GSI after I encouraged him to do it during our meeting last week (he said before he didn't have time to work on it). I offered to help but he said he had enough people to help, but maybe.
And he denies he looks at my FB though he mentioned a comment my friend made on my post.
During the dinner he put up some defensive poses (crossed arms) too.
Is he putting up a wall again, and how do I get around it..? I've already demonstrated that I am ready to just be his friend, and looked good on both meet-ups. Or am I over-doing it, by showing how much fun I am having and moving on? I mentioned 2 guy friends that I hung out with, did I do that too soon? I joked about him trying to attract girls with his new look (he changed his physical appearance for the better), should I not have done that?
If he thinks it's better for himself to move on, if he thinks he doesn't stand a chance/can't give me what he thought I want (from his experience in our past r/s), what can I do about that..? I know at some point I need him to actually start asking me to hang out for the rewind to work..
I wonder if he guessed my agenda.... or being around our common friends was awkward for him? If so, how do I make him more comfortable around me =/
So I managed to get him to come to dinner with me and a bunch of our friends (I kept to your advice about keeping it friendly and fun)... but he was still acting quite awkward... =/ He acted quite unresponsive or disinterested to what I was saying half the time, claimed he didn't look at my FB (though I know he looked at my blog), and kept trying to talk to the other people (I sat next to him). When I suggested to others we go for a movie at some point he said he wasn't interested. What should I do...? It's been 2 months since we broke up after 8.5 years together, and I did the 30-day NC period, but he's acting even less comfortable around me than before the NC period..
I'm sorry I'm asking more questions again. During our dinner (first interaction after no-contact), I mentioned some guys that I was hanging out with (I wasn't sure if he was perturbed by that), and I will be hanging out with more male friends over the weekend. He has not responded to my last email yet (he replied once to my email to solidify friendship, but no response after that to my next reply), or asked to hang out. We also have not hung out with other friends in a group yet either.
If I post photos of myself doing fun activities with another guy, am I doing the sequence wrong, ie. putting the scarcity step ahead of the solidifying friendship step? Will this be encouraging him to move on instead?
I am also worried that I don't stand much of a chance since I will be leaving the country in 6 months for a few years, and that he will reason to himself that if he will be lonely anyway, why not be lonely now? =/
Or maybe I should give him some time, it's only been a week since we re-established contact?
Thanks..
Also, do you think that our meet-up can be considered the first face-to-face to solidify friendship? We pretty much skipped the middle steps of texting/email etc. before meeting up. And he was still trying to put emotional distance between us. So am I still at square one of trying to create a false friendship?
Thanks.. Sorry did you mean for him to initiate contact, or me?
Also, what if our common friend is organizing a small social event (just 3-5 people) this weekend? (He and I only met last weekend) Should I get her to invite him as well, or will the social setting be too small/too early that he might be cautious..?
Kevin, with regards to your suggestion about increasing NC to 3 months, do I start over again, or continue for 2 more months? How do I evaluate if he is still angry/hurt (considering that he was willing to meet 1-on-1 to catch up, but was awkward at social events though he opened up for a while), and 3-month NC is needed? I know he was receptive to my words (as he worked on his GSI after I suggested them), but he is still putting out emotional distance, and has not contacted me since we last met a week ago (which I can understand).
And if our friends organize parties, do I not attend? If I attend them, how do I treat him? Treat him as an acquaintance and mirror his behavior? My PhD graduation weekend is next week, and there's a chance I might bump into him (he said he's going to take photos with our friends), how do I act? Do I take photos with him?
My plan (before your suggestion) was to not contact him and simply hang out at events our friends invite him and me to, instead. Or do you think it's still too much?
Finally, if he contacts me (which I'm really doubting at the moment), how should I react?
Sorry I have so many questions; I just don't know how to evaluate what's going on. He's warm and cold; when I gchatted him before the dinner with our friends, his replies were very concise (but not rude), though when I said 'looks like you're busy, and I'm going off soon to dinner', he said he was distracted with writing his blog (long reply times are normal for him when he's working). He was initially reluctant to attend the dinner as he wasn't invited as first (I only told him about it then), but when I framed it as a way to celebrate someone's birthday and to hang out with friends, he said "ok i'll come along if it's not too weird".
I don't know if he even looks at my FB anymore either. I just tried a new activity he was really interested in as well, but he didn't even 'like' the photos, and 'liked' another link on someone else's wall instead. =/
I did not mention that the conflicts I caused were due to so many factors mentioned in relationship decay (obligation/ultimatum, not reinforcing his GSI, making too many life-altering decisions for him, guilt-tripping, imbalance, mistrust, etc.). I don't know if I made too many mistakes that it is hopeless in his eyes that I would ever be right for him? I know I am not a bad person though (I have many good friends, am supportive/positive to friends, working toward a PhD, not bad looking). I just have abandonment issues, which led to insecurity (which I am working on) and a lot of issues during our relationship. How can I show him that those issues will not crop up again, since those aren't traits that show up till two people start dating..? Thank you for your help so far.
I also forgot to ask, he still has things left in my apartment since he moved out (just books though). Should I just leave them till he asks to take them, or ask him to take them away? I don't know if leaving them here will make him think I'm holding on to something, but I don't want him to think that I'm pushing him away/trying to hurt him by bringing up the past/looking for excuses to talk to him by asking him to take his stuff..
Thanks Kevin. I have been thinking about whether I should give him more time to heal from our breakup? We dated for 8 years after all, and we had a lot of conflict, mostly started by me. Perhaps 2 months isn't enough for him to remove the negative light he sees me in? I'm just extrapolating from his behavior over our last 3 interactions -- disinterest, ignorance, refusal to hang out, and very little response (just short curt replies) when I try to email/IM him.
Ok. Does that mean I completely messed it up then? Do you have any recommendations, besides contacting him less often..?
Since NC period started, I have been a lot more positive, and I think it shows in my posts and comments on FB. Halfway through NC period (so a month ago), I started a motivational blog to help motivate other people in their lives (general life, career, personal relationships), so my positivity and encouragements are not a farce, and definitely not just for him. I mean, when we met, I was definitely acting like I would now to a close friend. But maybe I showered him with too many encouragements within the first week of contact? I did encourage him on his GSI, and to hang out more with this long-time friend, and said I was proud of what his company was doing (which is something I've been saying for a long time, but he did not accept because he thinks I hate his work for taking time away from us). These were things that (I thought) I had always been encouraging him to do before we broke up though.
Hmm =/ I wonder if he's guessed what I'm doing, suddenly becoming more encouraging and positive than before, right after we resumed contact... He's really perceptive and smart, after all... (He has a PhD..)
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I get what you mean. And perhaps I should treat him more like an acquaintance when I chat with him? It seems to make him uncomfortable when I bring up fun things that he / we did in the past.
It's really confusing because, this week he started working on an item related to his GSI after I encouraged him to do it during our meeting last week (he said before he didn't have time to work on it). I offered to help but he said he had enough people to help, but maybe.
And he denies he looks at my FB though he mentioned a comment my friend made on my post.
During the dinner he put up some defensive poses (crossed arms) too.
Is he putting up a wall again, and how do I get around it..? I've already demonstrated that I am ready to just be his friend, and looked good on both meet-ups. Or am I over-doing it, by showing how much fun I am having and moving on? I mentioned 2 guy friends that I hung out with, did I do that too soon? I joked about him trying to attract girls with his new look (he changed his physical appearance for the better), should I not have done that?
If he thinks it's better for himself to move on, if he thinks he doesn't stand a chance/can't give me what he thought I want (from his experience in our past r/s), what can I do about that..? I know at some point I need him to actually start asking me to hang out for the rewind to work..
I wonder if he guessed my agenda.... or being around our common friends was awkward for him? If so, how do I make him more comfortable around me =/
So I managed to get him to come to dinner with me and a bunch of our friends (I kept to your advice about keeping it friendly and fun)... but he was still acting quite awkward... =/ He acted quite unresponsive or disinterested to what I was saying half the time, claimed he didn't look at my FB (though I know he looked at my blog), and kept trying to talk to the other people (I sat next to him). When I suggested to others we go for a movie at some point he said he wasn't interested. What should I do...? It's been 2 months since we broke up after 8.5 years together, and I did the 30-day NC period, but he's acting even less comfortable around me than before the NC period..
I'm sorry I'm asking more questions again. During our dinner (first interaction after no-contact), I mentioned some guys that I was hanging out with (I wasn't sure if he was perturbed by that), and I will be hanging out with more male friends over the weekend. He has not responded to my last email yet (he replied once to my email to solidify friendship, but no response after that to my next reply), or asked to hang out. We also have not hung out with other friends in a group yet either.
If I post photos of myself doing fun activities with another guy, am I doing the sequence wrong, ie. putting the scarcity step ahead of the solidifying friendship step? Will this be encouraging him to move on instead?
I am also worried that I don't stand much of a chance since I will be leaving the country in 6 months for a few years, and that he will reason to himself that if he will be lonely anyway, why not be lonely now? =/
Or maybe I should give him some time, it's only been a week since we re-established contact?
Thanks..
Also, do you think that our meet-up can be considered the first face-to-face to solidify friendship? We pretty much skipped the middle steps of texting/email etc. before meeting up. And he was still trying to put emotional distance between us. So am I still at square one of trying to create a false friendship?
Thanks.. Sorry did you mean for him to initiate contact, or me?
Also, what if our common friend is organizing a small social event (just 3-5 people) this weekend? (He and I only met last weekend) Should I get her to invite him as well, or will the social setting be too small/too early that he might be cautious..?
Kevin, with regards to your suggestion about increasing NC to 3 months, do I start over again, or continue for 2 more months? How do I evaluate if he is still angry/hurt (considering that he was willing to meet 1-on-1 to catch up, but was awkward at social events though he opened up for a while), and 3-month NC is needed? I know he was receptive to my words (as he worked on his GSI after I suggested them), but he is still putting out emotional distance, and has not contacted me since we last met a week ago (which I can understand).
And if our friends organize parties, do I not attend? If I attend them, how do I treat him? Treat him as an acquaintance and mirror his behavior? My PhD graduation weekend is next week, and there's a chance I might bump into him (he said he's going to take photos with our friends), how do I act? Do I take photos with him?
My plan (before your suggestion) was to not contact him and simply hang out at events our friends invite him and me to, instead. Or do you think it's still too much?
Finally, if he contacts me (which I'm really doubting at the moment), how should I react?
Sorry I have so many questions; I just don't know how to evaluate what's going on. He's warm and cold; when I gchatted him before the dinner with our friends, his replies were very concise (but not rude), though when I said 'looks like you're busy, and I'm going off soon to dinner', he said he was distracted with writing his blog (long reply times are normal for him when he's working). He was initially reluctant to attend the dinner as he wasn't invited as first (I only told him about it then), but when I framed it as a way to celebrate someone's birthday and to hang out with friends, he said "ok i'll come along if it's not too weird".
I don't know if he even looks at my FB anymore either. I just tried a new activity he was really interested in as well, but he didn't even 'like' the photos, and 'liked' another link on someone else's wall instead. =/
I did not mention that the conflicts I caused were due to so many factors mentioned in relationship decay (obligation/ultimatum, not reinforcing his GSI, making too many life-altering decisions for him, guilt-tripping, imbalance, mistrust, etc.). I don't know if I made too many mistakes that it is hopeless in his eyes that I would ever be right for him? I know I am not a bad person though (I have many good friends, am supportive/positive to friends, working toward a PhD, not bad looking). I just have abandonment issues, which led to insecurity (which I am working on) and a lot of issues during our relationship. How can I show him that those issues will not crop up again, since those aren't traits that show up till two people start dating..? Thank you for your help so far.
I also forgot to ask, he still has things left in my apartment since he moved out (just books though). Should I just leave them till he asks to take them, or ask him to take them away? I don't know if leaving them here will make him think I'm holding on to something, but I don't want him to think that I'm pushing him away/trying to hurt him by bringing up the past/looking for excuses to talk to him by asking him to take his stuff..
Thanks Kevin. I have been thinking about whether I should give him more time to heal from our breakup? We dated for 8 years after all, and we had a lot of conflict, mostly started by me. Perhaps 2 months isn't enough for him to remove the negative light he sees me in? I'm just extrapolating from his behavior over our last 3 interactions -- disinterest, ignorance, refusal to hang out, and very little response (just short curt replies) when I try to email/IM him.
Ok. Does that mean I completely messed it up then? Do you have any recommendations, besides contacting him less often..?
Since NC period started, I have been a lot more positive, and I think it shows in my posts and comments on FB. Halfway through NC period (so a month ago), I started a motivational blog to help motivate other people in their lives (general life, career, personal relationships), so my positivity and encouragements are not a farce, and definitely not just for him. I mean, when we met, I was definitely acting like I would now to a close friend. But maybe I showered him with too many encouragements within the first week of contact? I did encourage him on his GSI, and to hang out more with this long-time friend, and said I was proud of what his company was doing (which is something I've been saying for a long time, but he did not accept because he thinks I hate his work for taking time away from us). These were things that (I thought) I had always been encouraging him to do before we broke up though.
Hmm =/ I wonder if he's guessed what I'm doing, suddenly becoming more encouraging and positive than before, right after we resumed contact... He's really perceptive and smart, after all... (He has a PhD..)
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I get what you mean. And perhaps I should treat him more like an acquaintance when I chat with him? It seems to make him uncomfortable when I bring up fun things that he / we did in the past.
It's really confusing because, this week he started working on an item related to his GSI after I encouraged him to do it during our meeting last week (he said before he didn't have time to work on it). I offered to help but he said he had enough people to help, but maybe.
And he denies he looks at my FB though he mentioned a comment my friend made on my post.
During the dinner he put up some defensive poses (crossed arms) too.
Is he putting up a wall again, and how do I get around it..? I've already demonstrated that I am ready to just be his friend, and looked good on both meet-ups. Or am I over-doing it, by showing how much fun I am having and moving on? I mentioned 2 guy friends that I hung out with, did I do that too soon? I joked about him trying to attract girls with his new look (he changed his physical appearance for the better), should I not have done that?
If he thinks it's better for himself to move on, if he thinks he doesn't stand a chance/can't give me what he thought I want (from his experience in our past r/s), what can I do about that..? I know at some point I need him to actually start asking me to hang out for the rewind to work..
I wonder if he guessed my agenda.... or being around our common friends was awkward for him? If so, how do I make him more comfortable around me =/
So I managed to get him to come to dinner with me and a bunch of our friends (I kept to your advice about keeping it friendly and fun)... but he was still acting quite awkward... =/ He acted quite unresponsive or disinterested to what I was saying half the time, claimed he didn't look at my FB (though I know he looked at my blog), and kept trying to talk to the other people (I sat next to him). When I suggested to others we go for a movie at some point he said he wasn't interested. What should I do...? It's been 2 months since we broke up after 8.5 years together, and I did the 30-day NC period, but he's acting even less comfortable around me than before the NC period..
I'm sorry I'm asking more questions again. During our dinner (first interaction after no-contact), I mentioned some guys that I was hanging out with (I wasn't sure if he was perturbed by that), and I will be hanging out with more male friends over the weekend. He has not responded to my last email yet (he replied once to my email to solidify friendship, but no response after that to my next reply), or asked to hang out. We also have not hung out with other friends in a group yet either.
If I post photos of myself doing fun activities with another guy, am I doing the sequence wrong, ie. putting the scarcity step ahead of the solidifying friendship step? Will this be encouraging him to move on instead?
I am also worried that I don't stand much of a chance since I will be leaving the country in 6 months for a few years, and that he will reason to himself that if he will be lonely anyway, why not be lonely now? =/
Or maybe I should give him some time, it's only been a week since we re-established contact?
Thanks..
Also, do you think that our meet-up can be considered the first face-to-face to solidify friendship? We pretty much skipped the middle steps of texting/email etc. before meeting up. And he was still trying to put emotional distance between us. So am I still at square one of trying to create a false friendship?
Thanks.. Sorry did you mean for him to initiate contact, or me?
Also, what if our common friend is organizing a small social event (just 3-5 people) this weekend? (He and I only met last weekend) Should I get her to invite him as well, or will the social setting be too small/too early that he might be cautious..?
Kevin, with regards to your suggestion about increasing NC to 3 months, do I start over again, or continue for 2 more months? How do I evaluate if he is still angry/hurt (considering that he was willing to meet 1-on-1 to catch up, but was awkward at social events though he opened up for a while), and 3-month NC is needed? I know he was receptive to my words (as he worked on his GSI after I suggested them), but he is still putting out emotional distance, and has not contacted me since we last met a week ago (which I can understand).
And if our friends organize parties, do I not attend? If I attend them, how do I treat him? Treat him as an acquaintance and mirror his behavior? My PhD graduation weekend is next week, and there's a chance I might bump into him (he said he's going to take photos with our friends), how do I act? Do I take photos with him?
My plan (before your suggestion) was to not contact him and simply hang out at events our friends invite him and me to, instead. Or do you think it's still too much?
Finally, if he contacts me (which I'm really doubting at the moment), how should I react?
Sorry I have so many questions; I just don't know how to evaluate what's going on. He's warm and cold; when I gchatted him before the dinner with our friends, his replies were very concise (but not rude), though when I said 'looks like you're busy, and I'm going off soon to dinner', he said he was distracted with writing his blog (long reply times are normal for him when he's working). He was initially reluctant to attend the dinner as he wasn't invited as first (I only told him about it then), but when I framed it as a way to celebrate someone's birthday and to hang out with friends, he said "ok i'll come along if it's not too weird".
I don't know if he even looks at my FB anymore either. I just tried a new activity he was really interested in as well, but he didn't even 'like' the photos, and 'liked' another link on someone else's wall instead. =/
I did not mention that the conflicts I caused were due to so many factors mentioned in relationship decay (obligation/ultimatum, not reinforcing his GSI, making too many life-altering decisions for him, guilt-tripping, imbalance, mistrust, etc.). I don't know if I made too many mistakes that it is hopeless in his eyes that I would ever be right for him? I know I am not a bad person though (I have many good friends, am supportive/positive to friends, working toward a PhD, not bad looking). I just have abandonment issues, which led to insecurity (which I am working on) and a lot of issues during our relationship. How can I show him that those issues will not crop up again, since those aren't traits that show up till two people start dating..? Thank you for your help so far.
I also forgot to ask, he still has things left in my apartment since he moved out (just books though). Should I just leave them till he asks to take them, or ask him to take them away? I don't know if leaving them here will make him think I'm holding on to something, but I don't want him to think that I'm pushing him away/trying to hurt him by bringing up the past/looking for excuses to talk to him by asking him to take his stuff..
Thanks Kevin. I have been thinking about whether I should give him more time to heal from our breakup? We dated for 8 years after all, and we had a lot of conflict, mostly started by me. Perhaps 2 months isn't enough for him to remove the negative light he sees me in? I'm just extrapolating from his behavior over our last 3 interactions -- disinterest, ignorance, refusal to hang out, and very little response (just short curt replies) when I try to email/IM him.
Ok. Does that mean I completely messed it up then? Do you have any recommendations, besides contacting him less often..?
Since NC period started, I have been a lot more positive, and I think it shows in my posts and comments on FB. Halfway through NC period (so a month ago), I started a motivational blog to help motivate other people in their lives (general life, career, personal relationships), so my positivity and encouragements are not a farce, and definitely not just for him. I mean, when we met, I was definitely acting like I would now to a close friend. But maybe I showered him with too many encouragements within the first week of contact? I did encourage him on his GSI, and to hang out more with this long-time friend, and said I was proud of what his company was doing (which is something I've been saying for a long time, but he did not accept because he thinks I hate his work for taking time away from us). These were things that (I thought) I had always been encouraging him to do before we broke up though.
Hmm =/ I wonder if he's guessed what I'm doing, suddenly becoming more encouraging and positive than before, right after we resumed contact... He's really perceptive and smart, after all... (He has a PhD..)
Thanks Kevin for the reply. I get what you mean. And perhaps I should treat him more like an acquaintance when I chat with him? It seems to make him uncomfortable when I bring up fun things that he / we did in the past.
It's really confusing because, this week he started working on an item related to his GSI after I encouraged him to do it during our meeting last week (he said before he didn't have time to work on it). I offered to help but he said he had enough people to help, but maybe.
And he denies he looks at my FB though he mentioned a comment my friend made on my post.
During the dinner he put up some defensive poses (crossed arms) too.
Is he putting up a wall again, and how do I get around it..? I've already demonstrated that I am ready to just be his friend, and looked good on both meet-ups. Or am I over-doing it, by showing how much fun I am having and moving on? I mentioned 2 guy friends that I hung out with, did I do that too soon? I joked about him trying to attract girls with his new look (he changed his physical appearance for the better), should I not have done that?
If he thinks it's better for himself to move on, if he thinks he doesn't stand a chance/can't give me what he thought I want (from his experience in our past r/s), what can I do about that..? I know at some point I need him to actually start asking me to hang out for the rewind to work..
I wonder if he guessed my agenda.... or being around our common friends was awkward for him? If so, how do I make him more comfortable around me =/
So I managed to get him to come to dinner with me and a bunch of our friends (I kept to your advice about keeping it friendly and fun)... but he was still acting quite awkward... =/ He acted quite unresponsive or disinterested to what I was saying half the time, claimed he didn't look at my FB (though I know he looked at my blog), and kept trying to talk to the other people (I sat next to him). When I suggested to others we go for a movie at some point he said he wasn't interested. What should I do...? It's been 2 months since we broke up after 8.5 years together, and I did the 30-day NC period, but he's acting even less comfortable around me than before the NC period..
I'm sorry I'm asking more questions again. During our dinner (first interaction after no-contact), I mentioned some guys that I was hanging out with (I wasn't sure if he was perturbed by that), and I will be hanging out with more male friends over the weekend. He has not responded to my last email yet (he replied once to my email to solidify friendship, but no response after that to my next reply), or asked to hang out. We also have not hung out with other friends in a group yet either.
If I post photos of myself doing fun activities with another guy, am I doing the sequence wrong, ie. putting the scarcity step ahead of the solidifying friendship step? Will this be encouraging him to move on instead?
I am also worried that I don't stand much of a chance since I will be leaving the country in 6 months for a few years, and that he will reason to himself that if he will be lonely anyway, why not be lonely now? =/
Or maybe I should give him some time, it's only been a week since we re-established contact?
Thanks..
Also, do you think that our meet-up can be considered the first face-to-face to solidify friendship? We pretty much skipped the middle steps of texting/email etc. before meeting up. And he was still trying to put emotional distance between us. So am I still at square one of trying to create a false friendship?
Thanks.. Sorry did you mean for him to initiate contact, or me?
Also, what if our common friend is organizing a small social event (just 3-5 people) this weekend? (He and I only met last weekend) Should I get her to invite him as well, or will the social setting be too small/too early that he might be cautious..?
Sounds good. Give him a week or two initiate contact after that.
Sounds good. Give him a week or two initiate contact after that.
Sounds good. Give him a week or two initiate contact after that.
Thanks, and I did. I sent the email you suggested, and he was actually up for catching up the day after I sent it. I kept up a positive, friendly vibe but I could still sense his wall. While he was really curious about what was happening in my life/who I was hanging out with, he seemed reluctant to do future activities together. I suggested we do some sports if he liked/if I could be invited to a social event he might organize again that I found fun, but he answered with maybe's and kept suggesting that I do them with my other friends instead (he said it might still be awkward). I responded to that, by saying that it's OK, I understand.
But I guess I'll back off for a while after solidifying the false friendship with a follow-up email, see what happens, and let him take the lead on the next step?
Thanks, and I did. I sent the email you suggested, and he was actually up for catching up the day after I sent it. I kept up a positive, friendly vibe but I could still sense his wall. While he was really curious about what was happening in my life/who I was hanging out with, he seemed reluctant to do future activities together. I suggested we do some sports if he liked/if I could be invited to a social event he might organize again that I found fun, but he answered with maybe's and kept suggesting that I do them with my other friends instead (he said it might still be awkward). I responded to that, by saying that it's OK, I understand.
But I guess I'll back off for a while after solidifying the false friendship with a follow-up email, see what happens, and let him take the lead on the next step?
And what if he really doesn't love me anymore? He did say he felt numb toward me a few months before we broke up. How long do I keep trying before I give up..?
That's for you to decide Natalie.
That's for you to decide Natalie.
That's for you to decide Natalie.
That's why you can't be direct when you contact him. When you contact him as a friend and say you just want to catch up, he is going to put his guard down.
And what if he really doesn't love me anymore? He did say he felt numb toward me a few months before we broke up. How long do I keep trying before I give up..?
Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend over a year ago due to too much fighting but we didn't want to break up and I still held on to the fact that he would wait for me in a way. Now, I saw him at the gym after not seeing him for more than a year. I texted him and he said he still has feelings for me but he's glad the relationship is over and that maybe we'll be better friends than girlfriend and boyfriend. What do I do? Why do I miss him all the sudden? Is it because I want to be with him and I miss him or because I realized from seeing on his meet me account that he is moving on? Please. I've never been this sad before. Thank you.
Hey Tina,
If you want to get him back, you should continue contact with him as friends and try to build attraction. Start talking to him more often, hanging out with him and eventually start flirting with him. I think the reason you want him back because you never thought he will move on and now seeing him moving on is making you realize that you will lose him forever. I don't think it's a good reason to want to get back together.
Hey Tina,
If you want to get him back, you should continue contact with him as friends and try to build attraction. Start talking to him more often, hanging out with him and eventually start flirting with him. I think the reason you want him back because you never thought he will move on and now seeing him moving on is making you realize that you will lose him forever. I don't think it's a good reason to want to get back together.
Hi Kevin how are you? Me and my ex was dating for 4 years and she broke it off with me 8 months ago...I starting begging for her back then eventually went no contact then she texted me out of the blue saying I had a dream about you last night 2 weeks ago....I then replied yesterday and got into some serious heated argument ..her last text was "I do have feelings which you don't care about" I don't know what to do anymore...do I reply? do I ignore or go no contact on her? everything is shambles...P.s her birthday is in a month if I do go no contact do I wish her happy birthday? Thank you for making this website I am sure you have helped many people
Yes, go no contact again. You will have to work on your communication skills so you can avoid any arguments in the future. You can wish her birthday, but keep it short.
Yes, go no contact again. You will have to work on your communication skills so you can avoid any arguments in the future. You can wish her birthday, but keep it short.
My boyfriend broke up with me and I was caught by surprise because we were happy. We were in a long distance relationship. After a few days he started seeing a new girl. I accepted the break up and i have not contacted him since. I blocked him on all social websites and emails. But i do want him to want me back. How do I do it?
Read the 5 step plan.
Read the 5 step plan.
BEST MOTHER F***** ADVICE I'VE EVER READ IN MY WHOLE LIFE. This has inspired me to be a better person and too move on and be happy. Thanks so much xxx
Love your comment Fi. :)
Love your comment Fi. :)
hi kevin,
i know mine is a bit weird but i really need some advice.
ive dated this guy for like 5months.for 3 months was ok but suddenly he decided to stop dating me and he said we didnt have that much in common and he said we can just be friends,i agreed to that but i was so hurt cos i still like him then we went to a trip together and i asked him if we can dAte again and he said yes he'll give it a shot again but the problem is i became so clingy and needy.then after a couple of months of dating again he just suddenly lose his interest again and i found hes dating another girl and he said he really likes her.what will i do??i still want him back.we are still friends though.thanks
Me and my ex fiance were together for 3 years then the day after we celebrate his birthday he breaks up with me and says im not there for him and that he needs space. He keeps saying actions speak louder than words. If I just ignore him then I will be proving my shitty actions.
Tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup. This way, he'll know you are not doing it because you can't be there for him, but because you need time to deal with the breakup that he initiated. If you show him too much attention, he will just think that you are doing it to get him back and you've not really changed.
Tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup. This way, he'll know you are not doing it because you can't be there for him, but because you need time to deal with the breakup that he initiated. If you show him too much attention, he will just think that you are doing it to get him back and you've not really changed.
Hey Kevin,
Okay so, I've read relationship rewind twice and I'm trying to follow that and this article. I recently ended NC and I texted her. She said she thought I hated her because I wasn't talking to her and she was very worried about me. I responded positively and have not really talked about any of my personal feelings to her at all. Also I would always end the conversation with I gotta go or it was good talking to you. Recently she and I got into a conversation (just a small conversation, nothing personal or big) and she said she was moving in with the guy that she has been talking to. She said the reason was because she lives with her family right now and they are being very rude and disrespectful towards her and she wanted to just get away from them. So now I'm in panic mode, I'm worried that she will just continue to think of me as a friend and end up with that other guy. Of course, I don't text her much because I don't want her to think of me as needy or desperate. So I'm trying to just be supportive, and positive. But I really worry. Any advice?
There's nothing you can do stop her from moving. Offering her to move in with you is going to look desperate. My advice is to continue with what you are doing and ask to meet up after a while.
Hi Kevin I posted twice I can't see my comment can you help me out? Please check the email address I posted on. If you can email me the comment url link I will have a look at your reply when I get home. Many Thanks in helping everyone out with there struggles in life.
Hey,
Your comment is here.
Hey,
Your comment is here.
Hey,
Your comment is here.
There's nothing you can do stop her from moving. Offering her to move in with you is going to look desperate. My advice is to continue with what you are doing and ask to meet up after a while.
Hi Kevin I posted twice I can't see my comment can you help me out? Please check the email address I posted on. If you can email me the comment url link I will have a look at your reply when I get home. Many Thanks in helping everyone out with there struggles in life.
While I have to agree this is well-thought and well-written article I have to question the fundamental reason for wanting to get back with your ex. There is at least one or several primary reasons people break up (mistrust, growing apart emotionally, conflicts, bad sex, etc). Just because you “win” back your ex doesn’t mean these issues will be resolved effortlessly, and believe me when I say these issues WILL cause problems again once the honeymoon stage of your relationship is over. More importantly, once you get back with your ex you have forever broken the mutual trust that you established in your initial relationship and there will always be a lingering discomfort that the relationship may end again. There are even several studies that have shown that cyclic relationships (relationships in which partners break up and reunite) have little to no chance to last. And for those people whose exes have been in rebound relationships; if your ex had one or several relationships after the breakup and you hadn't, question yourself if that is REALLY acceptable to you once you manage to get him or her back?
So save yourself time and energy and instead of trying to win your ex back, accept the fact that your relationship is over, focus on yourself and find love with someone that you are truly compatible with.
Hey Mac5,
Thanks for your comment. And I agree with you. That is why a huge part of this article is about the no contact period and realizing whether or not getting your ex back is a good idea.
Hey Mac5,
Thanks for your comment. And I agree with you. That is why a huge part of this article is about the no contact period and realizing whether or not getting your ex back is a good idea.
Hello Kevin,
I am 25, which is the same age of my ex, I've been in a relationship with him for about a year and then I broke up with him for almost two and half years, then he got back to me after begging for a second chance. There are lots of personality and life style differences between us, although he decided to defeat all these stuff to get back to me.. After another year of being together, I broke up with him.. Actually during the later year he was stressing on my flaws and telling me almost always that we were not destined to be together, I was the one who used to make up and make compromises, I committed several mistakes that made me lose my self confidence, he used to make me feel that I am not perfect for him and he is not feeling comfortable in our relationship despite of being in love with me, he said that he might find someone who understands him more and being in love with them is not that important.. I felt bad about myself.. Last week, I realized that it was really horrible to stay in a relationship when I don't feel secure!! So finally I broke up with him.. Actually, all what I want now is to make him feel that he has lost a big deal and I want him to get back to me.. Thanks in advance!
Hey Miranda,
The best way to do that is to apply no contact, work on yourself and try to move on. If he ever realizes that, he will come back to you. Eve if he doesn't, you'll still find someone who will appreciate you and who will be a much better match for you than he ever was.
I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that after I broke up with him I did a very silly mistake, I got his facebook password and knew that he got back together with some girls who used to like him!!! I found that he likes and comments on some photos of other girls and adding some whom he never knew before!! What I did was really stupid, I wanted to piss him off by texting him, Itold him that I can tell that all what he does now is dating others to fill the gap I left in his life... He replied me back as he will never do this!! And he already found someone whom is meeting his expectations... It is note worthy to mention that all this scenario happened the same day I broke up with him...
Luckily, I stopped contacting him.. I am trying very hard not to open his facebook account to apply the no contact rule .. But I am still lost and wondering, can I get him back to me?? Or he just sees the bad needy and the one who lost her self confidence just to make him feel happy about the relationship?
Hey Miranda,
The best way to do that is to apply no contact, work on yourself and try to move on. If he ever realizes that, he will come back to you. Eve if he doesn't, you'll still find someone who will appreciate you and who will be a much better match for you than he ever was.
I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that after I broke up with him I did a very silly mistake, I got his facebook password and knew that he got back together with some girls who used to like him!!! I found that he likes and comments on some photos of other girls and adding some whom he never knew before!! What I did was really stupid, I wanted to piss him off by texting him, Itold him that I can tell that all what he does now is dating others to fill the gap I left in his life... He replied me back as he will never do this!! And he already found someone whom is meeting his expectations... It is note worthy to mention that all this scenario happened the same day I broke up with him...
Luckily, I stopped contacting him.. I am trying very hard not to open his facebook account to apply the no contact rule .. But I am still lost and wondering, can I get him back to me?? Or he just sees the bad needy and the one who lost her self confidence just to make him feel happy about the relationship?
hi kevin how come i dont see my post?
Hey Kevin,
My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago and she said she needed some time so we have been taking some time off. So, I only spent 2 weeks on the no contact rule and we started talking good again, and we even had sex but she said that we shouldn't have because it just made it more difficult to know what she really wants. She doesn't know what she wants. She has also reinstated that she has many reasons to be with me and many reason to not want to be in a relationship with me. She said she wants to take it slow and that if I text her, she will reply. She is still very supportive, and says she will always be here for me. I only made a few mistakes but, I am trying to show her that I trust her by, staying away from social networks and accusing her of anything. She said she has realized that I am trying to change. Idk, why I would even doubt her, I honestly believe this girl would never do anything to hurt me anyways, she says that she isn't giving up but she need to get her mind straight and that she still loves and cares about me. I can tell by the way we kiss and she holds me. She tells me she misses me. Idk, what to do to win her back and I'm debating on whether or not to Restart the 30 day NC again, but I feel it would be a mistake because we started to talk again. What should I do?
Don't start no contact again. Stay in touch, go out with her and keep having fun with her without showing any signs of neediness and without asking her to get back together.
Don't start no contact again. Stay in touch, go out with her and keep having fun with her without showing any signs of neediness and without asking her to get back together.
Hi, i have been with my girlfriend for 4.5 months absolutely perfect had a holiday booked all going so well and perfect. In the recent month or so ive been out with my friends alot over the weekends and we have had a few arguments when i have been drunk whilst out, anyway all was well until she was supposed to be coming round on friday (last friday) but because she was working the next day and up really early i told her that she had may aswell go home and get some rest. She did and i went out with my friends got really drunk and she found out i had told her to not come over and gone out. She ended it there and then so i thought i would give her some time the next day to calm down so didnt contact her at all. I contacted her on sunday and she told me that i am not going on holiday and we are over for good. So i bought her flowers delivered to her work, left her a couple of nice gifts on her car for her to come out of work to. I begged and pleaded that i was sorry and want her back but she wouldnt even speak to me face to face. All she has done is try to make me jealous posting up half naked pictures and going out in very sexy revealing outfits. She told me that she is really angry and upset and she cannot forgive me for this so we are completely over for good. What do you think of the situation? And what should i do? Will she come back ?
Hey Jaden,
If an act of simple miscommunication is making her end the relationship, then chances are that she is not ready for a relationship and was looking for a reason to end it. I don't think you should pursue a relationship with someone who can make such a big deal of a simple miscommunication.
Hey Jaden,
If an act of simple miscommunication is making her end the relationship, then chances are that she is not ready for a relationship and was looking for a reason to end it. I don't think you should pursue a relationship with someone who can make such a big deal of a simple miscommunication.
Hee Kevin,
I placed a comment on 10th of may, but I can't find my it.
Hey Suzanne,
I am sorry I can't find your comment either. Can you post it here again. Please read the comments guidelines before commenting.
Hey Suzanne,
I am sorry I can't find your comment either. Can you post it here again. Please read the comments guidelines before commenting.
Things with my ex are a bit stagnant now. He still talks to me and things like that but he seems to have lost interest somewhat. We don't get to talk very much because of work and I guess maybe that's why. I don't know. I'm still keeping my cool around him but I don't know what else to do sometimes. Should I even make a move or just wait on him? I wish I could read his mind. The last time we ate lunch together, there wasn't really any flirting and he even called me his "friend". I shouldn't have taken offense to that but I did. I kinda felt discouraged and that I lost my chance. I didn't tell him this of course, I just stayed cool and just continued to hang out. Does this mean he no longer has feelings for me Kevin? Should I just give up and move on for good? I guess I should take partial blame because I haven't even shown any signs of being interested in him nor have I ever been flirtatious. Just treating him like a friend. Is it too late now?
I don't think it's too late. You are in good terms with each other, you can try going on a little more exciting dates. For example, concerts, or theme parks and spice things up a bit.
I agree Kevin, but sometimes it's hard to work up the courage. My confidence is improving but it's not where it needs to be yet. The reason I know this is because the thought of texting him scares me sometimes even though he always responds. And it's hard not knowing how the other person feels or what they're thinking. How can I get past this feeling?
You have to realize that no matter what happens, you are going to be happy in your life and you will find the relationship you deserve. If not him, it will be someone else. I know it's easier to say it than to actually accept it as a fact. A good way is whenever you catch yourself worrying about how he is feeling and what he is thinking, remind yourself that in the grand scheme, his thoughts and feelings don't really matter.
This is a really lovely comment, Kevin. Truly, this reply to Lacey, also means a lot to me too. Thank you. :)
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This is a really lovely comment, Kevin. Truly, this reply to Lacey, also means a lot to me too. Thank you. :)
This is a really lovely comment, Kevin. Truly, this reply to Lacey, also means a lot to me too. Thank you. :)
This is a really lovely comment, Kevin. Truly, this reply to Lacey, also means a lot to me too. Thank you. :)
This is a really lovely comment, Kevin. Truly, this reply to Lacey, also means a lot to me too. Thank you. :)
You have to realize that no matter what happens, you are going to be happy in your life and you will find the relationship you deserve. If not him, it will be someone else. I know it's easier to say it than to actually accept it as a fact. A good way is whenever you catch yourself worrying about how he is feeling and what he is thinking, remind yourself that in the grand scheme, his thoughts and feelings don't really matter.
You have to realize that no matter what happens, you are going to be happy in your life and you will find the relationship you deserve. If not him, it will be someone else. I know it's easier to say it than to actually accept it as a fact. A good way is whenever you catch yourself worrying about how he is feeling and what he is thinking, remind yourself that in the grand scheme, his thoughts and feelings don't really matter.
You have to realize that no matter what happens, you are going to be happy in your life and you will find the relationship you deserve. If not him, it will be someone else. I know it's easier to say it than to actually accept it as a fact. A good way is whenever you catch yourself worrying about how he is feeling and what he is thinking, remind yourself that in the grand scheme, his thoughts and feelings don't really matter.
I agree Kevin, but sometimes it's hard to work up the courage. My confidence is improving but it's not where it needs to be yet. The reason I know this is because the thought of texting him scares me sometimes even though he always responds. And it's hard not knowing how the other person feels or what they're thinking. How can I get past this feeling?
I agree Kevin, but sometimes it's hard to work up the courage. My confidence is improving but it's not where it needs to be yet. The reason I know this is because the thought of texting him scares me sometimes even though he always responds. And it's hard not knowing how the other person feels or what they're thinking. How can I get past this feeling?
I don't think it's too late. You are in good terms with each other, you can try going on a little more exciting dates. For example, concerts, or theme parks and spice things up a bit.
My long distance ex-bf ended the relationship because I added somebody on Facebook whom he didn't like. I begged and cried ... but all he said was no sorry, but he wanted communicate as friends. Using friendship to say he is re-opening his old Facebook etc
Today I started the NC and usually I text first but today I didn't. After few hours he texted goodmorning, you're good? After a while I texted I am. he didn't reply and I started NC again. Is there a good chance we'll be together again?
Yes, read the 5 step plan.
Yes, read the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin -
My Ex-Boyfriend of about a year broke up with me because he said he couldn't handle being in a relationship at that time, (he has a lot of things happening in his life, a lot of sickness within the family, also being in Year 12 and having end of school exams), I know we are young being 18 and in Year 12, but our relationship felt mature, special and real. (Our friendship and relationship combined lasted for a little over 2 years) He fought for me for over a year, we were close friends and initially I didn't feel for him they way he wanted me to, he told me he loved me before we started dating, he told me how much he wanted to be with me and once he even cried literally on my shoulder about it! He also said that he wouldn't give up on me and didn't, he was very persistant I might add (and initially immensely clingy) and I ended up falling for him, (I struggled with depression and he was the one to pull me out of it, I know this sounds cliché but he was my rock) He incessantly promised me that we would be together for a long time, he always talked about wanting to get married and having kids and was really excited about it. Things started to change around the 6 months mark, he started backing off and becoming distant, so the roles changed and I became the clingy one (which was one of the most obvious reasons for the breakup) but he still comforted me with saying that he still loved me, that we wasn't ever going anywhere, and that it would never happen... He convinced me that he was going to be there for me for a long time, so for obvious reasons I was completely and utterly shocked about him wanting to break up. When he told me he wanted to break up, he also told me he still loved me, he kept telling me it wasn't my fault he just needed time to himself, to put himself first and explained that he wasn't able to do that if we were together because he always put me first... I was, to say the least, an emotional wreck, and so couple of days later I went to his house to talk to him and we ended up talking for a couple of hours, I kept saying "So, thats it, I've lost you forever, I'm never going to be with you again..." and his response was "I never said that was going to happen, just for now I can't be with you, I never said I didn't love you." So, you can see where the confusion is coming from right? The mixed signals? Well, that being said, he and this girl (who is/was my closest friend) have been spending so much time together, even while we were dating they were close and I was always jealous of them, but now that we're not together anymore, they're so close they could be sown together and it wouldn't make a difference... She is always over his house and vise versa... (Its been, 3 weeks since we have broken up... Yes, still raw) But what hurts the most is that he told me he still loves me, he even said he still wanted me in his life, he still wanted to see me everyday and to still talk and be friends! But also said that he needed time for himself, yet, he spends all of it with her... I still love him, and want to be with him, but it feels like he is purposely trying to show me that he is moving on, that he doesn't care about me anymore, or that he doesn't miss me, doesn't love me and that he is perfectly ok without me...
I guess what I am planning to get out of this is your advice/opinion on the matter... Do you think what he told me was just stories to protect my feelings? Do you think we will get back to together (I know it won't happen over night, or even within the next month, but there is still hope right?) I do love him, and I know I can't wait forever, but I am not ready to move on just yet, or give up, not until I know for sure that he never wants to be with me again...
I think he meant what he told you about loving you. And I think you do have a chance of getting him back. You should read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
I think he meant what he told you about loving you. And I think you do have a chance of getting him back. You should read the 5 step plan if you haven't already.
Hey Kevin, me and my ex girlfriend just broke up a week ago, and yesterday she told me she never wants to speak to me again. but I love her, and I want her back. she's blocked all possible ways of communicating. she says she's moved on, but I don't believe she really has. do I still have a chance?
Yes, follow the advice in the article.
Yes, follow the advice in the article.
Hi Kevin,
I just wanted to ask if you think there is a chance that me and my ex-boyfriend will get back together.
We have been together for 4 years and most of the time it was just great. Sure we had our disagreements from time to time, but nothing fundamental. We shared a lot of intimacy and trust and could talk about everything, even our sex-life was great.
The last few months, however, were more difficult. It was a stressful time for both of us because of new jobs, new living situation etc.... And during this time I got the feeling that we started to grow apart and that he wasn't really making an effort anymore, taking our relationship for granted. So I decided to talk to him about this issue, and that we both need to start working on our relationship again. First he agreed, but a few weeks later he broke up with me, saying that right now, he just doesn't have the energy to put this kind of effort in our relationship, that he needs this energy for his new job and that he doesn't want to make me unhappy, so it would be better and easier for us to just be friends. The day after the breakup, I tried to convince him that it was a bad idea and that we still have a chance to be happy as couple, and that I would try to be less needy and demanding, but I could not change his mind and finally gave up. For the next few days, we just had regular contact via phone and messaging as "friends". Then a friend told me about he no contact rule and I found your website. I implemented that rule immediately without telling him, so when he texts me now, I don't reply.
I somehow think that maybe all of this was necessary so both of us can take care of their own lifes now, become happier persons again, but still, I wish for us that we can have a fresh start as a couple when this period is over.
Do you think that there is a realistic chance that this is gonna happen when I follow the 5 step plan?
Yes, you do have a decent chance.
Yes, you do have a decent chance.
Hi Kevin,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me just over a week ago. We had been in a relationship for about 4 months. Our relationship was great! We communicated very well, no fights, we equally put effort into the relationship. I took the breakup gracefully. I accepted how he felt and I haven't spoken to him since the night of the breakup. I haven't texted him, called him, met up with him, nothing! My ex is not an emotional person and I fear that if I go 30 days of not speaking to him that he might move on. Especially since he told me that with his last girlfriend, after they broke up, he immediately moved on. He's a go getter and he took the breakup as a sign to move on and improve his life. So I'm afraid that time is against me here. I don't think he would make the first move to initiate contact, especially since I said I couldn't be his friend. Also, he is a career focused person and he is about to go through a career change. I fear that with this change, he will focus entirely on that and forget about me.
My question is, in my case, how long should I wait before I talk to him again?
Thanks in advance!!
Alicia,
If you want, you can make no contact a little bit shorter, like 2-3 weeks. But make sure you read the checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan before ending no contact.
Alicia,
If you want, you can make no contact a little bit shorter, like 2-3 weeks. But make sure you read the checklist at the beginning of Step 4 in the 5 step plan before ending no contact.
Hi Kevin
My boyfriend and I broke up on 1st May. We have been together for almost 4 years and we are both turning 29 this year. We just graduated from University couple months back.
He ended the relationship because of several factors:
1) our thinking is different (such as our future - how many kids we want, house and how we see things differently)
2) he is going back to Uni to do his PhD (means another 3 years) - which initially I was not happy about because it would clearly mean pushing our marriage plans further and further
3) I was hoping to be married to him by 30.
4) he felt I was always too nice to my family members and that I should learn to say 'NO!'
I'm not sure if I am really the needy sort, though I do get jealous or worried at times when he is out with some girls that I do not know. But I trust him for he would always tell me that he will not cheat on me if he has a girlfriend and he expects me to do the same for him now. When we were together, I do give him his space. As I'm working, I let him do what he wants and we only meet during the weekends.
Now that he's no longer with me, I miss him very much. Everywhere I go, it reminds me of him.
After reading your article, I realize I have made a few grave mistakes such as begging him not to leave me and texting/emailing him. I think what is worse was I slept him with him after 1 week plus of breakup. It was just purely that, I did not ask him to get back with me and we both agreed that we have our needs to be fulfilled. I'm worried that he might see me as a 'Friend with Benefits' but I told him not to see me that way. Also, just a few days of our breakup I just can't stop messaging him. I was so worried that he would find someone new. He texted me back and said 'When you keep forcing a kid to eat something he doesn't like, he will hate it. I don't want to hate you. So lets take our time.'
I'm still very lost. Its almost coming to 3 weeks, I tried to do things to make myself feel better but I can't. Only way is to work and work keeps me from thinking about him. I might try your 'No contact - 30 days' but will he move on? That worries me!
After we broke up, I did ask him if there will ever be a day we will get back together?
He did say he's not sure what might happen in the future but he also said 'Maybe. I definitely won't say its not possible, but rather I think it may happen in the future'
Sorry this has turned out to be so lengthy but I hope you could tell me other tips on how to get him back. Your article is great. Thanks.
-May
Hi May,
You absolutely must apply no contact. And I am pretty sure he won't move on during the no contact period. You need to learn to be happy without him if you want to get him back. I'll also recommend that you really think things through before getting back with him. If you two want different things in the future, it's better end things now instead of a more painful divorce down the line.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply. I'm trying to apply the no contact period but have failed miserably ever since my last post on May 17. I have started the no contact once again since May 23rd.
I am trying my best to be happy. Trying to find my old self back but it is not easy. Wherever I go and whatever I do, it reminds me of him.
On May 22, he removed our Facebook status (when we broke up, we agreed not to remove it as we did not want people to ask and that we are both not keen in replying.) He said he would remove it only when he think we are both ready. I'm not sure why he thinks I'm ready. Is it because of the lunch meet up on May 21st that he thought I was ready?
I met him on May 21st as I had bought him something (which I know I clearly shouldn't have), he agreed to meet for lunch that day. It was a simple lunch and I wore one of my nicest work dresses that day. He asked how was my family, my nephews and we even talked about our past diving experiences. He did mention that we can still meet up for meals in the future.
I notice he was either putting his hand in his pockets or putting his hand on his sling bag strap. Why? Was I that scary?
Anyway, when we said goodbye. He just left. It was painful when he left for I wanted to hug him so badly. Throughout the whole meal, I told myself not to say anything about getting back but when he talked about diving moments, I found that really attractive.
I remember when we broke up, I said to him that I will wait for him. He told he don't believe such things as his 1st girlfriend did not keep to her promise of waiting for him. But I am serious. I want to show him that I'm willing to work things out with him and to show him I have changed.
I understand what he needs and what he wants for the future. I only realize after the breakup (after reflecting on myself and on our relationship) that I was selfish, my mood was the deciding factor of our conversation, I always avoid confrontation and that I was not supportive of his decision to do PhD. I believe that pressurizing him was wrong (only to realize that too late) and that our future should not be a rush for I have to give him time and space to let him do what he wants. I was too much of a rush and failed to understand his worries and concern.
I don't know how to convey all these to him. I'm not sure if I should even say all these at this time. I really hope I could work things out with him and make it last.
Hope to hear from you soon.
-May
Hi Kevin,
Just want to add that I stood up for my relationship in early February and I gave him an ultimatum. I wanted him to realize the importance but from the conversation I had with over the phone. I know he was ready to leave me but I compromise after 2 days as I fear that he will really leave me.
He said on our May 1st break up that he was very impressed that I stood up for it but was disappointed in me when I gave in. He said that if he had left me then. He will definitely want me back.
I made the decision to compromise because I love him and that I hope we could iron out our differences but I guess I forgot the pain and just covered it all over again. My compromise was to be in a day to day relationship and if we find someone better, we would let each other know (I did not want to say that... But he was so persistent on wanting to leave then).
From February to May, my ex and I were in a sort of day to day relationship. We still love each other then but could feel the cracks. The May 1st breakup happened because of a argument (over my sister's work), I agreed with him on where my sister went wrong but I also told him that she is still my sister and to understand where my stand is. And this is where it starts, he said our thinking was too different etc.. and he left.
-May
Hi Kevin,
I can't seem to reply from your last comment and I'm not sure if my comment was sent so here it goes...
So what should I do? I've maintained my NC for already one week. Should I maintain this NC for another 3 more weeks?
He seems to be hanging out with his diving friends a lot more than usual. I am trying my best to find myself back. I'm doing things more for myself.. Learning to love and care for myself more.
Do you think we still have a chance? I don't know why he still keep our picture on his Facebook, is it because he does not want people to ask or is it because he still care for me?
I'm lost. I'm trying to be strong. Doing things to keep myself busy and hoping time will heal this wound.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Yes, you should do no contact for 3 more weeks. Yes, I do think you have a chance. I can't say why he is keeping pictures on facebook but my advice is don't overthink it. Concentrate more on making yourself feel better and less on what's going on in his mind.
Yes, you should do no contact for 3 more weeks. Yes, I do think you have a chance. I can't say why he is keeping pictures on facebook but my advice is don't overthink it. Concentrate more on making yourself feel better and less on what's going on in his mind.
Yes, you should do no contact for 3 more weeks. Yes, I do think you have a chance. I can't say why he is keeping pictures on facebook but my advice is don't overthink it. Concentrate more on making yourself feel better and less on what's going on in his mind.
Yes, you should do no contact for 3 more weeks. Yes, I do think you have a chance. I can't say why he is keeping pictures on facebook but my advice is don't overthink it. Concentrate more on making yourself feel better and less on what's going on in his mind.
Yes, you should do no contact for 3 more weeks. Yes, I do think you have a chance. I can't say why he is keeping pictures on facebook but my advice is don't overthink it. Concentrate more on making yourself feel better and less on what's going on in his mind.
Yes, you should do no contact for 3 more weeks. Yes, I do think you have a chance. I can't say why he is keeping pictures on facebook but my advice is don't overthink it. Concentrate more on making yourself feel better and less on what's going on in his mind.
Hey May,
I know it sucks, the one who compromises because of love is considered weak and needy and therefore unattractive. But if you think about it, if you are putting someone else before your own needs, it means you don't love yourself as much you love them. And if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you?
Hi Kevin,
I can't seem to reply from your last comment and I'm not sure if my comment was sent so here it goes...
So what should I do? I've maintained my NC for already one week. Should I maintain this NC for another 3 more weeks?
He seems to be hanging out with his diving friends a lot more than usual. I am trying my best to find myself back. I'm doing things more for myself.. Learning to love and care for myself more.
Do you think we still have a chance? I don't know why he still keep our picture on his Facebook, is it because he does not want people to ask or is it because he still care for me?
I'm lost. I'm trying to be strong. Doing things to keep myself busy and hoping time will heal this wound.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Hey May,
I know it sucks, the one who compromises because of love is considered weak and needy and therefore unattractive. But if you think about it, if you are putting someone else before your own needs, it means you don't love yourself as much you love them. And if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you?
Hi Kevin,
I can't seem to reply from your last comment and I'm not sure if my comment was sent so here it goes...
So what should I do? I've maintained my NC for already one week. Should I maintain this NC for another 3 more weeks?
He seems to be hanging out with his diving friends a lot more than usual. I am trying my best to find myself back. I'm doing things more for myself.. Learning to love and care for myself more.
Do you think we still have a chance? I don't know why he still keep our picture on his Facebook, is it because he does not want people to ask or is it because he still care for me?
I'm lost. I'm trying to be strong. Doing things to keep myself busy and hoping time will heal this wound.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Hey May,
I know it sucks, the one who compromises because of love is considered weak and needy and therefore unattractive. But if you think about it, if you are putting someone else before your own needs, it means you don't love yourself as much you love them. And if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you?
Hi Kevin,
I can't seem to reply from your last comment and I'm not sure if my comment was sent so here it goes...
So what should I do? I've maintained my NC for already one week. Should I maintain this NC for another 3 more weeks?
He seems to be hanging out with his diving friends a lot more than usual. I am trying my best to find myself back. I'm doing things more for myself.. Learning to love and care for myself more.
Do you think we still have a chance? I don't know why he still keep our picture on his Facebook, is it because he does not want people to ask or is it because he still care for me?
I'm lost. I'm trying to be strong. Doing things to keep myself busy and hoping time will heal this wound.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Hey May,
I know it sucks, the one who compromises because of love is considered weak and needy and therefore unattractive. But if you think about it, if you are putting someone else before your own needs, it means you don't love yourself as much you love them. And if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you?
Hi Kevin,
I can't seem to reply from your last comment and I'm not sure if my comment was sent so here it goes...
So what should I do? I've maintained my NC for already one week. Should I maintain this NC for another 3 more weeks?
He seems to be hanging out with his diving friends a lot more than usual. I am trying my best to find myself back. I'm doing things more for myself.. Learning to love and care for myself more.
Do you think we still have a chance? I don't know why he still keep our picture on his Facebook, is it because he does not want people to ask or is it because he still care for me?
I'm lost. I'm trying to be strong. Doing things to keep myself busy and hoping time will heal this wound.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Hey May,
I know it sucks, the one who compromises because of love is considered weak and needy and therefore unattractive. But if you think about it, if you are putting someone else before your own needs, it means you don't love yourself as much you love them. And if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else love you?
Hi Kevin,
Just want to add that I stood up for my relationship in early February and I gave him an ultimatum. I wanted him to realize the importance but from the conversation I had with over the phone. I know he was ready to leave me but I compromise after 2 days as I fear that he will really leave me.
He said on our May 1st break up that he was very impressed that I stood up for it but was disappointed in me when I gave in. He said that if he had left me then. He will definitely want me back.
I made the decision to compromise because I love him and that I hope we could iron out our differences but I guess I forgot the pain and just covered it all over again. My compromise was to be in a day to day relationship and if we find someone better, we would let each other know (I did not want to say that... But he was so persistent on wanting to leave then).
From February to May, my ex and I were in a sort of day to day relationship. We still love each other then but could feel the cracks. The May 1st breakup happened because of a argument (over my sister's work), I agreed with him on where my sister went wrong but I also told him that she is still my sister and to understand where my stand is. And this is where it starts, he said our thinking was too different etc.. and he left.
-May
Hi Kevin,
Just want to add that I stood up for my relationship in early February and I gave him an ultimatum. I wanted him to realize the importance but from the conversation I had with over the phone. I know he was ready to leave me but I compromise after 2 days as I fear that he will really leave me.
He said on our May 1st break up that he was very impressed that I stood up for it but was disappointed in me when I gave in. He said that if he had left me then. He will definitely want me back.
I made the decision to compromise because I love him and that I hope we could iron out our differences but I guess I forgot the pain and just covered it all over again. My compromise was to be in a day to day relationship and if we find someone better, we would let each other know (I did not want to say that... But he was so persistent on wanting to leave then).
From February to May, my ex and I were in a sort of day to day relationship. We still love each other then but could feel the cracks. The May 1st breakup happened because of a argument (over my sister's work), I agreed with him on where my sister went wrong but I also told him that she is still my sister and to understand where my stand is. And this is where it starts, he said our thinking was too different etc.. and he left.
-May
Hi Kevin,
Just want to add that I stood up for my relationship in early February and I gave him an ultimatum. I wanted him to realize the importance but from the conversation I had with over the phone. I know he was ready to leave me but I compromise after 2 days as I fear that he will really leave me.
He said on our May 1st break up that he was very impressed that I stood up for it but was disappointed in me when I gave in. He said that if he had left me then. He will definitely want me back.
I made the decision to compromise because I love him and that I hope we could iron out our differences but I guess I forgot the pain and just covered it all over again. My compromise was to be in a day to day relationship and if we find someone better, we would let each other know (I did not want to say that... But he was so persistent on wanting to leave then).
From February to May, my ex and I were in a sort of day to day relationship. We still love each other then but could feel the cracks. The May 1st breakup happened because of a argument (over my sister's work), I agreed with him on where my sister went wrong but I also told him that she is still my sister and to understand where my stand is. And this is where it starts, he said our thinking was too different etc.. and he left.
-May
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply. I'm trying to apply the no contact period but have failed miserably ever since my last post on May 17. I have started the no contact once again since May 23rd.
I am trying my best to be happy. Trying to find my old self back but it is not easy. Wherever I go and whatever I do, it reminds me of him.
On May 22, he removed our Facebook status (when we broke up, we agreed not to remove it as we did not want people to ask and that we are both not keen in replying.) He said he would remove it only when he think we are both ready. I'm not sure why he thinks I'm ready. Is it because of the lunch meet up on May 21st that he thought I was ready?
I met him on May 21st as I had bought him something (which I know I clearly shouldn't have), he agreed to meet for lunch that day. It was a simple lunch and I wore one of my nicest work dresses that day. He asked how was my family, my nephews and we even talked about our past diving experiences. He did mention that we can still meet up for meals in the future.
I notice he was either putting his hand in his pockets or putting his hand on his sling bag strap. Why? Was I that scary?
Anyway, when we said goodbye. He just left. It was painful when he left for I wanted to hug him so badly. Throughout the whole meal, I told myself not to say anything about getting back but when he talked about diving moments, I found that really attractive.
I remember when we broke up, I said to him that I will wait for him. He told he don't believe such things as his 1st girlfriend did not keep to her promise of waiting for him. But I am serious. I want to show him that I'm willing to work things out with him and to show him I have changed.
I understand what he needs and what he wants for the future. I only realize after the breakup (after reflecting on myself and on our relationship) that I was selfish, my mood was the deciding factor of our conversation, I always avoid confrontation and that I was not supportive of his decision to do PhD. I believe that pressurizing him was wrong (only to realize that too late) and that our future should not be a rush for I have to give him time and space to let him do what he wants. I was too much of a rush and failed to understand his worries and concern.
I don't know how to convey all these to him. I'm not sure if I should even say all these at this time. I really hope I could work things out with him and make it last.
Hope to hear from you soon.
-May
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply. I'm trying to apply the no contact period but have failed miserably ever since my last post on May 17. I have started the no contact once again since May 23rd.
I am trying my best to be happy. Trying to find my old self back but it is not easy. Wherever I go and whatever I do, it reminds me of him.
On May 22, he removed our Facebook status (when we broke up, we agreed not to remove it as we did not want people to ask and that we are both not keen in replying.) He said he would remove it only when he think we are both ready. I'm not sure why he thinks I'm ready. Is it because of the lunch meet up on May 21st that he thought I was ready?
I met him on May 21st as I had bought him something (which I know I clearly shouldn't have), he agreed to meet for lunch that day. It was a simple lunch and I wore one of my nicest work dresses that day. He asked how was my family, my nephews and we even talked about our past diving experiences. He did mention that we can still meet up for meals in the future.
I notice he was either putting his hand in his pockets or putting his hand on his sling bag strap. Why? Was I that scary?
Anyway, when we said goodbye. He just left. It was painful when he left for I wanted to hug him so badly. Throughout the whole meal, I told myself not to say anything about getting back but when he talked about diving moments, I found that really attractive.
I remember when we broke up, I said to him that I will wait for him. He told he don't believe such things as his 1st girlfriend did not keep to her promise of waiting for him. But I am serious. I want to show him that I'm willing to work things out with him and to show him I have changed.
I understand what he needs and what he wants for the future. I only realize after the breakup (after reflecting on myself and on our relationship) that I was selfish, my mood was the deciding factor of our conversation, I always avoid confrontation and that I was not supportive of his decision to do PhD. I believe that pressurizing him was wrong (only to realize that too late) and that our future should not be a rush for I have to give him time and space to let him do what he wants. I was too much of a rush and failed to understand his worries and concern.
I don't know how to convey all these to him. I'm not sure if I should even say all these at this time. I really hope I could work things out with him and make it last.
Hope to hear from you soon.
-May
Hi May,
You absolutely must apply no contact. And I am pretty sure he won't move on during the no contact period. You need to learn to be happy without him if you want to get him back. I'll also recommend that you really think things through before getting back with him. If you two want different things in the future, it's better end things now instead of a more painful divorce down the line.
In my case, my wife has left, with our two beautiful children, ages 1 and 3. I made mistakes which violated her trust, and wish I had a chance to make right. At face value, doesn't the "no contact rule" help fuel a belief that I don't miss my kids? The truth is that I miss my wife and kids terrible, They are my world. Shouldn't I at least make contact to request time to talk to my kids? I assume that this was written for a boyfriend-girlfriend split up, rather than a broken person who lost his wife and kids. They are a 7 hour drive, into another state.
Hey Jim,
Read this article to learn how to do no contact with kids.
Hey Jim,
Read this article to learn how to do no contact with kids.
I have did mistake in all the case in article can there is way to get ex back
3 weeks ago my bf of 6 months dumped me because he needed space to figure out who he is. I'm so hurt and confused. Our relationship was so strong and honest. My bf was a recovering addict and I was behind him 110% and accepted his recovery and accepted how recovery will always be a part of him. I feel like it takes a special person to do this.
I'm confused, he told me that I'm everything he's ever wanted in a girl yet he still needs space. It's been 11 days since I last talked to him and when we last spoke he still wanted space.
Do you have any advice?
Give him his space. Apply no contact for 30 days and then contact him as explained in the article.
Give him his space. Apply no contact for 30 days and then contact him as explained in the article.
Hey kevin.. got no answer from you
Hey,
I replied to your comments here and here.
Hey,
I replied to your comments here and here.
Hi,
I saw you had replied to some comments around the same time that I posted mine. I can't seem to find mine though. Thanks!
It's here.
It's here.
Great article. I'm struggling here. I did the no contact thing, then after 24 hours he randomly started texting me looking for a reason to see me (he *thinks* he left a work shirt in my apartment and wanted to come over) then when I said I wasn't home and was dry about it, he texted me a few hours later saying he wanted to be my friend etc. I agreed because I didn't want to fight. We were texting playfully and in a very friendly manner for a few days, then he said he wanted to hang out. I suggested a movie (not too much pressure to talk) but he wanted to get coffee. It was not a good time for me so I said I had to see, then he basically went off on me saying, "Well, sorry this is the only time that works for me. I'm sorry but I don't want my friends to know I'm seeing you." Because, apparently, his friends think he's whipped if *he* decides to get back together with me. (They're all single [none have been in any serious relationship] and in this wolf pack and hate the fact that he has a girlfriend and doesn't spend all his free time with his friends.) I got upset and freaked out because he contacted me first, he reached out with all that stuff, he started being all loving and affectionate to me out of nowhere over text... Long story short, we fought over text because I was mad about him sending me mixed signals, then he decided to just block me. Do I just do the no contact thing? I can't seem to fight the urge to respond and reciprocate every time he reaches out. We only broke up 3 weeks ago and we've been doing this same drama (him always initiating first) almost every week. How do I break this cycle?
Yes, apply no contact. If he contacts you again, just tell him you need space and time and you can't talk to him for a while.
Yes, apply no contact. If he contacts you again, just tell him you need space and time and you can't talk to him for a while.
my ex fiance got married two weeks after breaking off the engagement we have been togother for more then two years we had our problem. But we were madly in love and our wedding were supposed t take place in a month, so he got married t this girl he hardly know and he posted got married in his facebook wall maybe he is in a rebound but he got marriedg
For real and I don't think he will divorce her even I would not want him to due t religious reason.
I am sorry it happened. If he got married, you should cut all contact with him and move on.
I am sorry it happened. If he got married, you should cut all contact with him and move on.
Hey Kevin, I first off want to acknowledge all the good you are doing with this site! I find it to be a very useful guide on not only how to get your ex back but how you live your life without them. Can't thank you enough for the platform.
Here's my story, me(23) and my girlfriend(21)were together in a strong relationship spanning 3 years, celebrating bdays, holidays and doing everything together. Any hardships one another had we were both there. The beginning of the relationship was great going out on dates and being outgoing and exciting. But later on I ended up having to get knee surgery and was laid up for a while followed by a sickness to my stomach called IBS that lasted several months. We weren't able to go out and have a lot of fun like we used to. This past Sunday she said she had some issues she wanted to talk about and possibly seperate. I had her instantly come over and I talked her off the ledge and promised for better times in the relationship. She agreed and told me this would make us stronger and we had sex that night. The next day she brings those feelings back up the and ultimately ends the relationship. I was very emotional and stubborn when we talked and I couldn't fathom what was happening. *Her reasoning for the breakup is for her to have some time to find herself and do her own thing. She felt like she was also hurting me throughout the relationship which was completely false. She said we were both starting new things her with a job and me transferring to the state college in the area. She also made it clear that she didn't love me like she use to and she could only see me as a best friend. She also mentioned the butterflies she once had, had moved on. She said she started feeling like that a couple months prior and just recently started being attracted to other guys and seeing what a relationship with someone else would be like. It crushed me! The next day we talked out of instinct and made some promises, mine were not to take the breakup so hard, go out and date other people and stay the genuine person I am. Hers were to never forget the love we shared, don't date anyone for 3 months(I didn't expect her to keep this I was just being emotional trying to keep her to myself). We spoke about how we were meant to be and that this will make us stronger people but she would not commit to trying the relationship down the road when we are stronger. I understood that. *We also spoke of my upcoming graduation next week and she insisted on coming and out of instincts I agreed to it and conversation ended with me sending an old pic of me kissing her and her saying that it was entirely to early for that. She said ttyl and went out with her friends and drank. I haven't spoke to her since and I'm going to fully apply the NC rule. This morning she spoke with my mother and told her about the situation and she told my mother there was no other man and things in the relationship faded for her. My mother got a strong impression that she does still care for me very much but something was missing. She followed that conversation by posting something saying "part of growing up is letting go and understanding that what you have or had will come back better." I'm going to take the 30 days to try and better myself and be a stronger person, I do think she was the one for me but I know that there will be other girls out there aswell. What are your thoughts/suggestions on the situation as well as your thoughts on if I should allow her to attend the graduation next week.
Hey Marcus,
Since you've already invited her, I think it's OK. During graduation, be cordial, don't show any signs of neediness, don't have any personal conversations and have a good time.
Hey Marcus,
Since you've already invited her, I think it's OK. During graduation, be cordial, don't show any signs of neediness, don't have any personal conversations and have a good time.
Hi Kevin,
Sorry it's me again. Fortunately, I followed your advice to the exact no contact for two months. He messaged and called me randomly. In the conversation, I thought he had stuff to tell me, but he didn't. He asked if I had any questions about our past relationship. All I asked was what happened and he said he didn't feel it. Mind you we were separated for 5 months while together for 2 yrs and we reconnected again. He said there's no chance of starting again. I reminded him that he said that last time too. He said he's seeing someone and it's been 5 weeks. I said okay and that I'm seeing other people too but nothing is working since I'm not over him fully. He said that I liked him for his looks and I started laughing and rejecting the idea. He didn't reply and told me that I can talk to him to get over him. The next day I messaged him telling him I'm happy he's taking my advice and trying new things which I wanted to do while we were together, but he wasn't into the idea. He responded back to stop messaging him. I got really confused, so I said back you told me to talk to you and that I am hurt. He told me to control my emotions and that I can do it since he fakes his emotions all the time. I am so confused, Kevin.. I'm not sure how to proceed. I didn't message him after that and my friends say that he still likes me since he talked to me. I don't know though or how to see it or will we even get back together?... Thank you for taking time to read each of our comments and helping each one of us in advance.
Hey Connor,
You shouldn't message him for a while. He basically called to see if you are over him and you told him you are not. Next time when you chat, avoid talking about the relationship and try to portray that you are happy in your life and have made a lot of positive changes. Don't talk to him about getting back together.
p.s. I asked why he decided to talk to me now and he said it just felt like it was time. I don't know if this extra info would help you to access the situation.
Hey Connor,
You shouldn't message him for a while. He basically called to see if you are over him and you told him you are not. Next time when you chat, avoid talking about the relationship and try to portray that you are happy in your life and have made a lot of positive changes. Don't talk to him about getting back together.
p.s. I asked why he decided to talk to me now and he said it just felt like it was time. I don't know if this extra info would help you to access the situation.
Hello Kevin,
I was with my ex for 3 years and we broke up. We were each others first loves. We broke up but we were still kind of trying to figure things out. Then we stopped contact with each other and he meets this new girl like 3 months later and they start hanging out and eventually get together and become "official." We broke up in June, and stopped contact beginning of September. They meet around November / December and start hanging out. They became official in just April. I still love him and want him back. What do I do?
He called me one night in January almost in tears telling me about the new girl and how she hasn't talked to him in a day because they got into an argument. He was comparing it to our old relationship. We used to still text, but like about a week or two ago, she got mad and said either to stop talking to her or me. He chose to stop talking to me, but said that he'll only be talking to me when she's not there. So in a sense, behind her back? But thing is, he says he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't care about me anymore. I usually initiated the conversations, and he would too but not all the time. We just stopped talking. Do you think that she's just a rebound? Or is he really over me?
Thanks Kevin.
Hey June,
Considering he didn't jump into the relationship right away and he is letting her decide who he talks to, I'd say that he is pretty serious about his relationship. Although, from what you said, he is still not fully over you.
Should I try no contact anyways and see where it goes? Or should I just let them be and happy that he's happy? I've already started NC for a few days, but I just want him to be happy and I don't want to ruin his chances at happiness.
It's for you to decide. You will realize what you should do during no contact.
It's been almost 30 days since I started no contact. We spoke twice because it was concerning our dog. It's now summer and he still hasn't tried to contact me. What do I do? He's still with the new girlfriend, so he obviously isn't interested in me anymore, right? Or do I still have a chance given the history we have?
Thanks Kevin.
Okay, thank you so much for your advice!
It's been almost 30 days since I started no contact. We spoke twice because it was concerning our dog. It's now summer and he still hasn't tried to contact me. What do I do? He's still with the new girlfriend, so he obviously isn't interested in me anymore, right? Or do I still have a chance given the history we have?
Thanks Kevin.
Okay, thank you so much for your advice!
It's been almost 30 days since I started no contact. We spoke twice because it was concerning our dog. It's now summer and he still hasn't tried to contact me. What do I do? He's still with the new girlfriend, so he obviously isn't interested in me anymore, right? Or do I still have a chance given the history we have?
Thanks Kevin.
Okay, thank you so much for your advice!
It's been almost 30 days since I started no contact. We spoke twice because it was concerning our dog. It's now summer and he still hasn't tried to contact me. What do I do? He's still with the new girlfriend, so he obviously isn't interested in me anymore, right? Or do I still have a chance given the history we have?
Thanks Kevin.
Okay, thank you so much for your advice!
It's been almost 30 days since I started no contact. We spoke twice because it was concerning our dog. It's now summer and he still hasn't tried to contact me. What do I do? He's still with the new girlfriend, so he obviously isn't interested in me anymore, right? Or do I still have a chance given the history we have?
Thanks Kevin.
Okay, thank you so much for your advice!
It's for you to decide. You will realize what you should do during no contact.
It's for you to decide. You will realize what you should do during no contact.
It's for you to decide. You will realize what you should do during no contact.
Should I try no contact anyways and see where it goes? Or should I just let them be and happy that he's happy? I've already started NC for a few days, but I just want him to be happy and I don't want to ruin his chances at happiness.
Should I try no contact anyways and see where it goes? Or should I just let them be and happy that he's happy? I've already started NC for a few days, but I just want him to be happy and I don't want to ruin his chances at happiness.
Hey June,
Considering he didn't jump into the relationship right away and he is letting her decide who he talks to, I'd say that he is pretty serious about his relationship. Although, from what you said, he is still not fully over you.
My ex and I had been dating for 4 months when his sibling died unexpectedly. We were always together until he went away for the funeral...before all this happened he said he loved me...i had a hard time saying it back. while gone, he barely spoke to me and out of anger, I told him he should come get his things...he responded the next day with wow ok and hasnt spoken to me since...I have tried saying sorry so many times but he completely ignores me and blocked me on facebook..no response at all...I stopped texting him about 3 weeks ago...but I am heartbroken..he was what I wanted and I pushed him away...on facebook 2 weeks later, he was already involved with someone else...Is he hurt or does he hate me?
The only way to find out is to get back in touch with him.
The only way to find out is to get back in touch with him.
Kevin,
Me and my kids mother were together for five years and we had problems just like any other couple. She finally reached out and contacted her ex behind my back and now they are dating all with in 2 months time. Although he's a truck driver and she only see him on the weekend, she said she's fallen in love with him again and it hurts me to hear that. I really see where i went wrong and want to fix my relationship do u think there is any hope?
Hi kevin so ended up texting my ex to check how he was doing and what not after 1 month. I ended the message saying "anyways hope your doing great" he says "thanks. I'm good. And likewise." I just haven't responded after that. Where do I go from here?
Wait another week and text him again. Use the texts in the article.
I responded to his message 2 days later (last night) and he hasn't yet responded. I feel like he is not responding to me or opening my snapchats and stuff because it is to much for him since he's trying to "move on" and he still has feelings for me. What do I do to catch his attention and atleast make him want to talk?
Use a different mode of communication. Like a text, email or facebook.
Use a different mode of communication. Like a text, email or facebook.
Use a different mode of communication. Like a text, email or facebook.
Wait another week and text him again. Use the texts in the article.
I responded to his message 2 days later (last night) and he hasn't yet responded. I feel like he is not responding to me or opening my snapchats and stuff because it is to much for him since he's trying to "move on" and he still has feelings for me. What do I do to catch his attention and atleast make him want to talk?
If my boyfriend dumped me then started talking to a new girl the next day is she a rebound?
Most probably.
Most probably.
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Hi kevin. Me and my ex gf of 4yrs are 2months broken up now. For the first 1 and a half month i tried to chase her. Sent her gifts and made a surprise. I also text and call her sometimes she welcomes it sometimes she seems irritated that im making effort. So i decided to apply NC. Its already 2 weeks. But the letter i sent her reached her already. I guess its alright just so she knows that i finally accepted the breeakup and apologize for my actions after the breakup and i will still continue NC. Now her birthday is on the way and i decided to greet her a plain text message. Im also planning to contact her after 6 weeks of NC. She didnt respond to the letter but i expected it. Hasnt received any calls or texts. Am i on the right track?
Yes you are. All the best.
Yes you are. All the best.
Hey Kevin
I applied the no contact rule. She did text me after a month. we talked for about 5 days consecutively and then I felt she was going a bit cold so I went into no contact for 2 weeks,as advised by you. Yesterday, I saw her status on WhatsApp that says "those days are gone". It's got me worried and I think I need to talk to her now about the fight that we had and if she really wants to get back. She's the one who asked for a break and I gave her a month to think about it, and went into NC. So any suggestions on how to go about it now?
Talk to her. But don't ask about getting back together yet. Ask her out. Meet up. Have a good time.
I will be leaving town in a month for my job. I need to get things sorted out before that.
If you try to rush things, it might backfire.
I did as you suggested. Didn't go the relationship topic but kept the conversation humorous and interesting. She comes up with things like "I was remembering you a lot this past week" and then follows it up by saying she had my namesake in a role opposite to her in some theater play she did at college. I just reply with smileys and stuff.
I resumed wishing her good mornings like I used to when we were in a relationship. I wished her for 3 consecutive days but today, she got up earlier than me but did not wish on her own. So i have decided not to wish her anymore as it seems she really doesn't want it.
I did as you suggested. Didn't go the relationship topic but kept the conversation humorous and interesting. She comes up with things like "I was remembering you a lot this past week" and then follows it up by saying she had my namesake in a role opposite to her in some theater play she did at college. I just reply with smileys and stuff.
I resumed wishing her good mornings like I used to when we were in a relationship. I wished her for 3 consecutive days but today, she got up earlier than me but did not wish on her own. So i have decided not to wish her anymore as it seems she really doesn't want it.
I did as you suggested. Didn't go the relationship topic but kept the conversation humorous and interesting. She comes up with things like "I was remembering you a lot this past week" and then follows it up by saying she had my namesake in a role opposite to her in some theater play she did at college. I just reply with smileys and stuff.
I resumed wishing her good mornings like I used to when we were in a relationship. I wished her for 3 consecutive days but today, she got up earlier than me but did not wish on her own. So i have decided not to wish her anymore as it seems she really doesn't want it.
I did as you suggested. Didn't go the relationship topic but kept the conversation humorous and interesting. She comes up with things like "I was remembering you a lot this past week" and then follows it up by saying she had my namesake in a role opposite to her in some theater play she did at college. I just reply with smileys and stuff.
I resumed wishing her good mornings like I used to when we were in a relationship. I wished her for 3 consecutive days but today, she got up earlier than me but did not wish on her own. So i have decided not to wish her anymore as it seems she really doesn't want it.
I did as you suggested. Didn't go the relationship topic but kept the conversation humorous and interesting. She comes up with things like "I was remembering you a lot this past week" and then follows it up by saying she had my namesake in a role opposite to her in some theater play she did at college. I just reply with smileys and stuff.
I resumed wishing her good mornings like I used to when we were in a relationship. I wished her for 3 consecutive days but today, she got up earlier than me but did not wish on her own. So i have decided not to wish her anymore as it seems she really doesn't want it.
If you try to rush things, it might backfire.
If you try to rush things, it might backfire.
If you try to rush things, it might backfire.
I will be leaving town in a month for my job. I need to get things sorted out before that.
I will be leaving town in a month for my job. I need to get things sorted out before that.
Talk to her. But don't ask about getting back together yet. Ask her out. Meet up. Have a good time.
is it too late for me to try the 30 days NC?
No, it's not too late. You should follow the 5 step plan.
No, it's not too late. You should follow the 5 step plan.
I have some problems With my Ex she left me because of my Behaviour indeed we were in Relationship For 4 years or more and I use to scold her for some Reasons but i use to scold her because i use to care for her although a thing is that after we broke up she didnt want me and said she wants to br alone and she also Said she also Loves me and does take care of me but doesnt want relationship due to my behaviour and attitude i really love her and want her back as we also had the intimate part in our relationship as she use to help me now what i do to get her back please help
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
I live with my ex and i have been trying to date. Every date I go on makes me want him more. He's been with this new girl for a while which has been killing me since i have to watch them. And he has been pretty mean to me but everyone who comes over notices he pays me a lot of attention and seems like he likes me but it's so confusing. I don't know what to do. I will limit my contact with him but i can't not talk to him we both can't move.. i have never loved someone so much i know his flaws they are annoying but I'd never get rid of his flaws i loved them too i love everything about him . Idk what to do
You will have to stop talking to him and learn to be happy without him if you want him back.
You will have to stop talking to him and learn to be happy without him if you want him back.
Hi Kevin, My ex and I were together for 1 year and a half (2007-2008), some months of it were long distance. Right now I am 30 and he is 31. We broke up mainly because of the distance and because I was confused and thought I wanted to experiment dating other people. So basically I dumped him, he never had any intentions of finishing the relationship. Some months after breaking up I met the person who is now my husband and we got married the following year. Honestly speaking this has been a rebound relationship, my husband is not a good person to me (he is emotionally abusive in fact) and I am getting out of this marriage. I have a 3 year old child. Since I made the decision of breaking up with my husband, I cannot stop thinking about my ex, I think it was a genuine and very positive relationship. We are still in different countries. I was out of touch with him for almost 5 years. After a couple of emails and Facebook messages, three days ago I had a chat with him via text messages in which I told him about my situation and he was cool and supportive. However he isn't telling me much about his life (he said he would in our next conversation) and I don't even know if he is in a relationship or not. He is very private and his Facebook doesn't leave any clues. How do you recommend me to continue the communication? Should I wait for a few more days? Thanks
Hey Bianca,
Kudos to you for getting out of the emotionally abusive relationship. I don't think you need to have any particular strategy to communicating with him at this point. Just be honest and don't pressure him into anything. There's a good chance he is in a relationship, so be mentally prepared for that.
Hey Bianca,
Kudos to you for getting out of the emotionally abusive relationship. I don't think you need to have any particular strategy to communicating with him at this point. Just be honest and don't pressure him into anything. There's a good chance he is in a relationship, so be mentally prepared for that.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex broke up a bit more than a month ago, during this period of time we didn't really talk to each other a lot, but about a week ago I decided to text her to check on her, and we had a massive catch up on the stuff that happened recently, she was even telling me stuff that no one knew and no one was supposed to know (not anything sexual). She even was asking to keep the stuff like that as a secret. But then after the whole evening of chatting, she needed to go to sleep so we just said goodbye to each other and stopped talking. She wasn't texting me ever since. Does this mean that she sees me only as a friend now? Should I wait for her to text first or should I be the one who always starts a conversation at this point?
Give her a week. If she doesn't text, then you text her. It doesn't necessarily mean she sees you just as a friend. It's possible she still has feelings for you.
We spoke a week after as you said. we were talking for about 2 days non stop but after that time the conversation got pretty much basic and general so we just stopped talking.Well she's abroad now, and I was told that she has a thing with a new guy there, but I was told that this thing is not really serious since she doesn't live there, still do I need to talk to her or should I just wait until she comes back?
Send her a text. If she's cold, wait.
Everything was same as a I said before. We seem to have a nice conversation but then it ends and she never starts one, so after the last conversation I haven't spoken to her for more than a month. Today I saw her in person by accident because we were invited to the same house. She was being really nice and she asked a couple of questions like "how are you?" And "how did you get that scar?" And we had fun in the pool with our friends as well, she was laughing at most of my jokes but apart from that we really weren't speaking a lot. Also I found out that the actual reason that we broke up was that I was too clingy. What should I do at this point?
Everything was same as a I said before. We seem to have a nice conversation but then it ends and she never starts one, so after the last conversation I haven't spoken to her for more than a month. Today I saw her in person by accident because we were invited to the same house. She was being really nice and she asked a couple of questions like "how are you?" And "how did you get that scar?" And we had fun in the pool with our friends as well, she was laughing at most of my jokes but apart from that we really weren't speaking a lot. Also I found out that the actual reason that we broke up was that I was too clingy. What should I do at this point?
Everything was same as a I said before. We seem to have a nice conversation but then it ends and she never starts one, so after the last conversation I haven't spoken to her for more than a month. Today I saw her in person by accident because we were invited to the same house. She was being really nice and she asked a couple of questions like "how are you?" And "how did you get that scar?" And we had fun in the pool with our friends as well, she was laughing at most of my jokes but apart from that we really weren't speaking a lot. Also I found out that the actual reason that we broke up was that I was too clingy. What should I do at this point?
Everything was same as a I said before. We seem to have a nice conversation but then it ends and she never starts one, so after the last conversation I haven't spoken to her for more than a month. Today I saw her in person by accident because we were invited to the same house. She was being really nice and she asked a couple of questions like "how are you?" And "how did you get that scar?" And we had fun in the pool with our friends as well, she was laughing at most of my jokes but apart from that we really weren't speaking a lot. Also I found out that the actual reason that we broke up was that I was too clingy. What should I do at this point?
Everything was same as a I said before. We seem to have a nice conversation but then it ends and she never starts one, so after the last conversation I haven't spoken to her for more than a month. Today I saw her in person by accident because we were invited to the same house. She was being really nice and she asked a couple of questions like "how are you?" And "how did you get that scar?" And we had fun in the pool with our friends as well, she was laughing at most of my jokes but apart from that we really weren't speaking a lot. Also I found out that the actual reason that we broke up was that I was too clingy. What should I do at this point?
Send her a text. If she's cold, wait.
Send her a text. If she's cold, wait.
Send her a text. If she's cold, wait.
We spoke a week after as you said. we were talking for about 2 days non stop but after that time the conversation got pretty much basic and general so we just stopped talking.Well she's abroad now, and I was told that she has a thing with a new guy there, but I was told that this thing is not really serious since she doesn't live there, still do I need to talk to her or should I just wait until she comes back?
We spoke a week after as you said. we were talking for about 2 days non stop but after that time the conversation got pretty much basic and general so we just stopped talking.Well she's abroad now, and I was told that she has a thing with a new guy there, but I was told that this thing is not really serious since she doesn't live there, still do I need to talk to her or should I just wait until she comes back?
Give her a week. If she doesn't text, then you text her. It doesn't necessarily mean she sees you just as a friend. It's possible she still has feelings for you.
Hey Kevin, I've been married 7 and a half years and have a 4 yr old daughter. I'm the more patient and caring parent, she gets easily frustrated and yells at our daughter for minor things. Despite this I'll be the one separated from my child, that's just the culture we live in. When my wife said she wanted a divorce I did plead somewhat. I've accused her of infidelity a few times. I've since backed off on that, she could be but I don't know. We've been living together since she first said she wanted a divorce 7 months ago, we had a brief period of slight reconciliation for a couple weeks where we had regular sex and said "I love you," but after another squabble she went back to insisting on divorce. That was about 3 months ago. Now I'm sleeping on the couch again and she went from tearful displays of regretting having to divorce me (but she "doesn't have a choice") and giving me kisses goodnight to becoming progressively more indifferent to me. Now she stays out as late as she wants often comes home intoxicated. She now treats me like an associate that doesn't particularly like but doesn't hate. All hints of warm feelings towards me have disappeared. Polite but aloof is the best I get. I've been waiting for her to tell me to move out because I don't want to be the one to end it. She hasn't set a date yet. So I'm in limbo. When I do move out it will be to move several states away back to my family to help me start over. Should I just bite the bullet and set a date for moving out and start no contact? Thanks
Hey Eddie,
I am sorry you are going through this. I think divorce is inevitable. But I'll highly recommend you speak to a lawyer before moving out. It might go against you in the divorce settlement.
Divorce may or may not be inevitable. My family is worth fighting for. I just need to know how to fight to give me the best chance of winning.
Hey Eddie,
Moving out will increase your chances. But since you will be moving to a different state, it'll become harder for you to meet her and show her the positive changes in your life. Your best bet would be to get a place in the same city, and follow the 5 step plan. Again, moving out might go against you in the divorce settlement so I'll recommend you speak to a lawyer before doing that.
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the advice.
Hey Eddie,
Moving out will increase your chances. But since you will be moving to a different state, it'll become harder for you to meet her and show her the positive changes in your life. Your best bet would be to get a place in the same city, and follow the 5 step plan. Again, moving out might go against you in the divorce settlement so I'll recommend you speak to a lawyer before doing that.
Hey Eddie,
Moving out will increase your chances. But since you will be moving to a different state, it'll become harder for you to meet her and show her the positive changes in your life. Your best bet would be to get a place in the same city, and follow the 5 step plan. Again, moving out might go against you in the divorce settlement so I'll recommend you speak to a lawyer before doing that.
Hey Eddie,
Moving out will increase your chances. But since you will be moving to a different state, it'll become harder for you to meet her and show her the positive changes in your life. Your best bet would be to get a place in the same city, and follow the 5 step plan. Again, moving out might go against you in the divorce settlement so I'll recommend you speak to a lawyer before doing that.
Divorce may or may not be inevitable. My family is worth fighting for. I just need to know how to fight to give me the best chance of winning.
Divorce may or may not be inevitable. My family is worth fighting for. I just need to know how to fight to give me the best chance of winning.
Hey Eddie,
I am sorry you are going through this. I think divorce is inevitable. But I'll highly recommend you speak to a lawyer before moving out. It might go against you in the divorce settlement.
Hi Kevin
My bf of 8 months told me he wanted a break because I am pushing him away. We still talk to each other even after he requested the break as we use to talk to each other everyday. He finally started avoiding my messages so I stop talking to him as well. 2 weeks passes without contact n out of the blues he texted me asking how I am and such, I tried playing cool and waited hours before replying to his simple messages but I now messed up. I had him around my fingers and did not know until now. I freaked out after I found out he was dating someone else within a week after we took a break. I confronted him about it n he denies her in every way n tells me she is just his friend he told me about. We have been having arguments on n off though. I also made a mistake when I started asking him to come back because everything seems like my fault. He gave me a ring n I three it away and he is over upset about it as well. Everything we had planned is now on pause, we were planning on moving in together anytime soon now but I guess that's all behind us now. Whenever I get out and curse him he begs me to stop pushing him far away than he is already. I honestly don't know what to do.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
My ex is the kind that you described as the angry ex in another post, however, he has anger management problems. We broke up and about 2-3 weeks later I know he put himself up on a dating site. I did NC for a while and then randomly I would contact him. This happened maybe once or twice. He would tell me he was dating other girls and one time he offered to give me another chance but I didn't respond. He said he was supposed to see someone but he put that off to give me a first chance. Now I have texted him since Wednesday and he has been very rude to me and says leave me alone, I'm seeing other girls, but yesterday I called him after receiving 20 blocked calls. I was ready to hang up after asking him but he then started being very nice, asking what I did that day and told me that he has feelings and a heart and isn't emotionless. Then he started reminiscing on our past and my smile, but then the tone changed and he told me that I should move on, that I don't want to be with him and years later I would thank him. Then he said his personal life was a mess but when I asked why he wouldn't tell me, but at the same time he said he was seeing other girls. Anyways, talking to him made me go crazy and I ended up blowing up his phone which was a bad idea and he finally got angry and told me to leave me alone, he wants nothing to do with me, he gave me too many chances, hes seeing other girls. I told him about someone who had offered to set me up and he said I should go on the date. It seemed like he still cared, but then it also seemed like he didn't. I think blowing up his phone set him off. I am now back to the NC rule, but what are my chances? how should I proceed?
Hey,
If you decide to pursue him, you should be prepared to handle his hot and cold behavior and not react to it. If you react, you are hurting your chances.
Hey,
If you decide to pursue him, you should be prepared to handle his hot and cold behavior and not react to it. If you react, you are hurting your chances.
Hi Kevin,
I read your blog and I believe that you can help me with my problems. My ex bf and I broke up 2 weeks ago (May 4th). I've been calling and texting him ever since we broke up. he said the reason that he wanted to break up is to find himself out of the relationship, that he thinks that he is not ready for it, he's confused which is I totally understand what he's going through and He also said that his passion for our relationship is not as the same as before and it's not fair for me if we still move forward. I'm really in pain, I couldn't think straight that's why I've been contacting him and I know he's getting tired of it. He said that he doesn't want to talk because he feels sad and sorry for breaking my heart. Then I saw a post of a picture of him with a girl (he said they're just friends) that made broke down and cry she gets to hang out with him and I can't, I was afraid loosing him to her. I feel like I'm struggling to survive everyday, my heart feels heavy. I don't want him to forget about me.
You have to follow the steps if you want to get him back. He won't forget about you easily.
You have to follow the steps if you want to get him back. He won't forget about you easily.
Does the 30 day rule still apply in a short relationship of 3 months. I know her attraction to me faded because of being a bit insecure and clingy; overall I think her decision was rash in the heat of the moment through texts. I wasn't patient in giving space during a tough time of school and now she basically said that was the reason she didn't want to see me and she needed some time to work on herself. She basically said she does not want to deal with anyone for a while. Do I take it for what it is worth and do at least a month or am I able to shorten it due to the fact our relationship was in the beginning stages. I see all of the qualities in her that I would like in a women but unsure about taking the time if she is not completely confident in herself.
Please give some advise on the time frame I should use to re-contact and how to approach it within the first coupe of meeting to see if she is truly open to staring again.
You can reduce it to three weeks if you want. But my recommendation is still one month. How to approach after no contact is covered in this article.
You can reduce it to three weeks if you want. But my recommendation is still one month. How to approach after no contact is covered in this article.
Hi Kevin, I'm in a strange situation. Me and my ex girlfriend of a little over a year broke up. I cheated on her online, never anything physical. She was pissed to the almighty realm for what I had done. In a panic, I pleaded and begged for her forgiveness and to get her back. I've even sent her a dozen roses, handwritten apology cards and balloons, to no avail but a "thank you" and "I love them, their beautiful!". I've even contacted her close contacts to try and ask them for advice on what to do, but they'd all say give her space. So after that I've decided completely stop all of the begging. So after that was over, we have been rocking solid, as far as friends go. I've shown her the person I was at the great part of our relationship. One night we had went jogging and once we stopped running she said, "I don't want to lose you. If you ever left my life I'd be hurt.". That gave me a boost in confidence and made me feel good. The thing about us is that, we don't have friends other than the two of us that we can hang out with. Even in our relationship, we considered one another bestfriends as well as lovers. We even still cuddle and exchange "I love yous" occasionally. It feels great, even though we aren't exclusive. We had gotten into an argument over the rent recently (once again, my fault). Few days after that, and even though the rent situation still isn't resolved, we've became friends again. I feel as though NC will not be doable in my situation. The short stint where I've tried to give us a little space, she always wants to joke around with me and stuff. The other day I was going into separate rooms from her to kind of give us space, and I ca only do so much in a one bedroom apartment, but she was like "are you avoiding me?". I insisted I wasn't, though I was. I'm afraid to be in this situation because I'm getting the feeling like I'm in the friendzone. We cuddle, play around (non-sexually), but there's no sex. Oh wait, excuse me, we do actually fool around a little. Kevin, is no contact even an option in this situation? I feel like we're getting along great and I love this feeling but I am afraid that this is cushioning the blow from the breakup, and Is keeping her from being able I miss me, since we see one another everyday, every night. Which path should I go? Should I continue to be her friend, in hopes that she'll see the guy she fell in love with from the start? Or, should I shy away and do limited contact, in hope that she'll miss the exciting me and ask for me back? I'm stuck.
Hey,
I'll recommend you continue like this for a month or two and if there's no development, tell her you need some time to deal with the breakup and start no contact.
Hey,
I'll recommend you continue like this for a month or two and if there's no development, tell her you need some time to deal with the breakup and start no contact.
Hi Kevin. I have dumped my girlfriend twice in the with the last 18 months. The most recent breakup happened about 8 weeks ago. I have made it clear that both times I broke up with her, I was dealing with severe personal problems, and that there has never been a loss of love for her. I still think the absolute world of her. Despite the breakup, she still turned to me and only me when she was going through some serious school problems, which are now resolved. We stopped talking for about a week after that. The a couple weeks later, I opened up to her about my problems and just how severe they were. Her response was that she and I should not contact each other anymore, and she would deny my request to talk to her a few days after that. The shock of that enabled me to get my act together with some help, and I am perfectly fine now. Two weeks after she told me that, I brought flowers, cupcakes, a giftcard, and a letter to her place. The letter explained everything, basically how sorry i was for what i put her through, how i feel like a new person now after overcoming my problems, how much i love her, etc. A few days after that, while i wasnt home, she dropped off everything i brought to her back to my place, with a note from her saying, "please do not contact me in any way, please." She also texted me saying shes happy im better now but wants nothing right now. She has said that multiple times. I asked her why she wants nothing just right now, and she finally said she's seeing someone. She started seeing this person about four weeks prior to me writing this comment, so very recently. To make matters worse, someone hacked her fb account and mine. She believes im the hacker (I'm not). And yesterday texted me saying she never wants to be with me again, to never text her call her, or see her, and to get in my head that her and I are over.
In spite of all that, I remind myself that one time, she said to not text her, call her, or see her, and then proceeded to apologize and treat me the best she ever has. Basically, she has said that when she's mad she has a tendency to go overboard, and to say certain things just to get me off her back.
I am still hopeful and know she's the one for me. I know despite my problems, I still hurt her really badly. I am just concerned as for my plan of action now. The person she is seeing will be in another country in five weeks, and stay there for 12 weeks. I am assuming I should give no contact period for now. But I would like some outside input. Thank you for the assistance
I am almost 21, she is 21, I am graduating college in four weeks, she most likely has a year or two left. When we were together, we strongly agreed distance wasnt an issue. Outside of college we live 30 minutes apart.
Hey Carlos,
Continue no contact and then contact her using text messages or the letter mentioned in the article. I think she might be in a rebound.
Hey Carlos,
Continue no contact and then contact her using text messages or the letter mentioned in the article. I think she might be in a rebound.
hi kevin,
We were in relationship for 8 months and she broke up giving an reason that she is not able to concentrate on her studies. She is 22+ and i am 23+. We had fights some times when i feel jealous of her male friends and asking about them, and she tried to avoid arguing on it and most of the times keeps quite by saying sorry. but after our break up she i tried all that normal behaviour of convincing her to get back together, but nothing worked, and finally both us decided to be friends and to be in contact. from more than 8-9 months we are in contact and we do texts on whats app and Facebook and rarely over the phone or skype, as we are in long distance relationship. I am in Dubai and she is in India.
Whenever any girl comes in life she becomes little angry and tries to comment on that.. "Go to your new GF' or if am not replying then she says "Stay busy with ur new gf dont talk to me" i don't understand is she really interested in me or what?? but what i know is i want her back because i tried to date new girls but i want my ex back.
sometimes after fights i said that please don't be in contact and but again i send an text to talk.
i just to ask you if i start NC then shall i block her on wats app as if i will use whats app and she will see i am online will it be fine to not reply for her texts.. how shall i proceed with this.. please suggest
Just tell her you need space and time and start no contact. If she still texts you, don't reply.
Just tell her you need space and time and start no contact. If she still texts you, don't reply.
This article is EXACTLY how my breakup went: detail by detail. And yes, I suffered every single day and cried like I never have before. Let's just say, a week ago I finally got a sincere apology from my ex and his confession that he misses me and my smile. Finally. 7 months later.
Hi Kevin,
This is a continuation of our last conversation and I need your advice again. Last Friday, I have managed to meet up with my ex at her apartment, but she was hesitant. We talked about how she was doing in school and classes. While I was with her, I was able to kiss, hug, touch, etc.. but I knew she was still with the other guy. When I was physically really close to her, I told her that I cared for her and I made her cry when I have mentioned the happy moments of when we were together. Sometime during that day I've asked her if I could take her to shop the day after. At first, she kept saying she didn't know, but after telling her that it wouldn't be too long, she finally greed. Later that night, we went out for dinner and dessert, and then I took her back to her apartment.
The next day, I went over to her place in the morning and slept with her until noon. Then we went to the mall and shopped until around 7 pm. We had a great time, at first she didn't let me hold her hand, but later on I was able to. After shopping, I brought her to get a drink and went to the ocean together. After that, I brought her back home and helped her with laundry and stayed at her apartment for a while.
Before I left, I got really close to her again and was able to kiss her, etc but I made her cry again when I have mentioned the great moments we had together in the past. I told her that she was important to me, and that whatever she did, I hope that she will be happy. As she was crying, I asked if she was happy or sad and hoped that the tears were tears of happiness. I have never mentioned about getting back together with her because I didn't want her to bring her defenses back up. I also didn't mention the other guy. I know she's with the other guy because I saw a message from him to her saying something like "so what are you doing love", and this was before we left to shop.
I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing by triggering her emotions to make her break down in tears. I asked when we could hangout again, and told her that I didn't want to bother her. I told her to take care, and I left as I saw her in tears.
Kevin, it seemed like I pushed her further away and I am worried. She and I both know that she is with someone, and I know she still loves me but I feel like she still wants to be consistent with her decision of breakup. She once said "a relationship is not just about love". When I talked about these great moments we had together, she only spoke in tears. I feel like that guy didn't do anything wrong to upset her so they may very well still be together. It sucks knowing that after spending a short day or two with her, that I will have to leave her for who knows how long and that she will be with the other guy. I told her I don't want to bother her, so I haven't given her when we could hangout again.. and at the same time I want to see her and spend the rest of my life with her. Your advice and emails have been really useful in keeping my emotions stabilized, thank you. Should I continue no contact? Limited contact? I don't know what I should do and I know the decision between me and that guy is hers to make. But I feel like she wouldn't contact me because she never has since break up, it was always me. It feels like I have a disadvantage because she and that guy could see each other everyday whereas when I ask her, it would just be a "busy" response. I am tired of chasing but I know she still has feelings for me and she's not the type to reach out to me when we aren't together. I still believe that I deserve another chance to be with her to show her that I AM capable of being her future partner.
Hey Edward,
I don't think you pushed her away as you didn't show any signs of neediness. I think you should contact her again after a week or two. Meet up again. Have a good time. This time, have more fun and keep things light. I think she will eventually breakup with the other guy.
Hi Kevin,
I had a fun and great time with her today, I even slept over for the night. I asked her if it was weird to hold her hands because she was holding the other guy's hand. It turns out that she enjoys spending time with me rather than him, but I'm not sure if it is true. She says she doesn't want to make the other guy feel sad because then he won't do homework with her. Does this mean she has feelings for him?
We had a fun day the next day too but when it was night time, after I took her home, she would suddenly become irritated and want me to leave suddenly. She would tell me that she has to do homework and would tell me to go home. If I tried to stay a bit longer and try to question her, she would find me annoying and would tell me I'm stressing her out.
It seems like the guy likes her but I'm not really sure how she feels about him even though she told me that she doesn't like him like that. Clearly, the things we do together while we are hanging out is not just in a friend level. I just don't know what she is thinking and I'm confused on what she's up to and I don't know what to do about it.
She is confused about her feelings. Keep talking to her and hanging out with her. But don't show any signs of neediness and don't ask her questions that she doesn't want to answer. You have to be the cool guy. Let the other guy become the inquisitive, annoying, obsessive control freak.
She is confused about her feelings. Keep talking to her and hanging out with her. But don't show any signs of neediness and don't ask her questions that she doesn't want to answer. You have to be the cool guy. Let the other guy become the inquisitive, annoying, obsessive control freak.
She is confused about her feelings. Keep talking to her and hanging out with her. But don't show any signs of neediness and don't ask her questions that she doesn't want to answer. You have to be the cool guy. Let the other guy become the inquisitive, annoying, obsessive control freak.
She is confused about her feelings. Keep talking to her and hanging out with her. But don't show any signs of neediness and don't ask her questions that she doesn't want to answer. You have to be the cool guy. Let the other guy become the inquisitive, annoying, obsessive control freak.
Hi Kevin,
I had a fun and great time with her today, I even slept over for the night. I asked her if it was weird to hold her hands because she was holding the other guy's hand. It turns out that she enjoys spending time with me rather than him, but I'm not sure if it is true. She says she doesn't want to make the other guy feel sad because then he won't do homework with her. Does this mean she has feelings for him?
We had a fun day the next day too but when it was night time, after I took her home, she would suddenly become irritated and want me to leave suddenly. She would tell me that she has to do homework and would tell me to go home. If I tried to stay a bit longer and try to question her, she would find me annoying and would tell me I'm stressing her out.
It seems like the guy likes her but I'm not really sure how she feels about him even though she told me that she doesn't like him like that. Clearly, the things we do together while we are hanging out is not just in a friend level. I just don't know what she is thinking and I'm confused on what she's up to and I don't know what to do about it.
Hi Kevin,
I had a fun and great time with her today, I even slept over for the night. I asked her if it was weird to hold her hands because she was holding the other guy's hand. It turns out that she enjoys spending time with me rather than him, but I'm not sure if it is true. She says she doesn't want to make the other guy feel sad because then he won't do homework with her. Does this mean she has feelings for him?
We had a fun day the next day too but when it was night time, after I took her home, she would suddenly become irritated and want me to leave suddenly. She would tell me that she has to do homework and would tell me to go home. If I tried to stay a bit longer and try to question her, she would find me annoying and would tell me I'm stressing her out.
It seems like the guy likes her but I'm not really sure how she feels about him even though she told me that she doesn't like him like that. Clearly, the things we do together while we are hanging out is not just in a friend level. I just don't know what she is thinking and I'm confused on what she's up to and I don't know what to do about it.
Hi Kevin,
Today I've asked my ex out for dinner on Wednesday and she agreed, I'm surprised of this because she would usually say she's busy. Her words of "caring for each other as friends" and "I don't think we are capable of being partners" is still stuck in my head so I'm not sure if she is going to leave me randomly or not. I know I should just treat her as a friend but I've been jumping ahead and she wouldn't mind it. It seems like it is still one sided and I'm not sure how I should approach this. I am almost certain that she is still seeing the other guy. I am seeing her on Wednesday for dinner, what should I do Kevin, I don't want her to leave me again and she probably has no reason to leave the other guy.
PS: Thanks for all of your emails they are helpful :)
Be happy and confident. Don't show any signs of neediness. Don't bring up the relationship. And have a good time.
Hi Kevin,
Today, while I was with her, sometimes it seems like she is having a good time, but sometimes it seems like she is thinking about something else. There are times of the day where we were both quite because there was nothing to say. I've been happy and confident while I was with her and never spoke of relationship. I can hold her hands and kiss her, but if I do it too much, it annoys her. It still seems like it is one-sided, however, this time it's different than post breakup. The difference is that instead of being cold, the next time I asked her to hangout, she is willing to find time and accept it. It seems that she is giving me another chance, but it could also mean that she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship with me. Is it considered showing signs of neediness if I told her that I miss her and telling her I like way she smiles? It's just that when I say those things, it brings back memories of us. Another problem is that I don't want to keep asking her out just to eat everyday/every other day.. I don't want her to feel annoyed, but at the same time I want to hangout with her and not make it seem like I am ignoring her by not talking to her.
Thank you for your advices, they have been very helpful :)
It's not needy if you say it in the right situation. If she is being cold and you say that, it makes you look needy. If you are hugging, cuddling, holding hands, having a romantic walk, and you say that, it's not needy.
Plan out some exciting dates. A concert, theme park, mini-golf. The possibilities are endless.
It's not needy if you say it in the right situation. If she is being cold and you say that, it makes you look needy. If you are hugging, cuddling, holding hands, having a romantic walk, and you say that, it's not needy.
Plan out some exciting dates. A concert, theme park, mini-golf. The possibilities are endless.
It's not needy if you say it in the right situation. If she is being cold and you say that, it makes you look needy. If you are hugging, cuddling, holding hands, having a romantic walk, and you say that, it's not needy.
Plan out some exciting dates. A concert, theme park, mini-golf. The possibilities are endless.
It's not needy if you say it in the right situation. If she is being cold and you say that, it makes you look needy. If you are hugging, cuddling, holding hands, having a romantic walk, and you say that, it's not needy.
Plan out some exciting dates. A concert, theme park, mini-golf. The possibilities are endless.
It's not needy if you say it in the right situation. If she is being cold and you say that, it makes you look needy. If you are hugging, cuddling, holding hands, having a romantic walk, and you say that, it's not needy.
Plan out some exciting dates. A concert, theme park, mini-golf. The possibilities are endless.
Hi Kevin,
Today, while I was with her, sometimes it seems like she is having a good time, but sometimes it seems like she is thinking about something else. There are times of the day where we were both quite because there was nothing to say. I've been happy and confident while I was with her and never spoke of relationship. I can hold her hands and kiss her, but if I do it too much, it annoys her. It still seems like it is one-sided, however, this time it's different than post breakup. The difference is that instead of being cold, the next time I asked her to hangout, she is willing to find time and accept it. It seems that she is giving me another chance, but it could also mean that she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship with me. Is it considered showing signs of neediness if I told her that I miss her and telling her I like way she smiles? It's just that when I say those things, it brings back memories of us. Another problem is that I don't want to keep asking her out just to eat everyday/every other day.. I don't want her to feel annoyed, but at the same time I want to hangout with her and not make it seem like I am ignoring her by not talking to her.
Thank you for your advices, they have been very helpful :)
Hi Kevin,
Today, while I was with her, sometimes it seems like she is having a good time, but sometimes it seems like she is thinking about something else. There are times of the day where we were both quite because there was nothing to say. I've been happy and confident while I was with her and never spoke of relationship. I can hold her hands and kiss her, but if I do it too much, it annoys her. It still seems like it is one-sided, however, this time it's different than post breakup. The difference is that instead of being cold, the next time I asked her to hangout, she is willing to find time and accept it. It seems that she is giving me another chance, but it could also mean that she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship with me. Is it considered showing signs of neediness if I told her that I miss her and telling her I like way she smiles? It's just that when I say those things, it brings back memories of us. Another problem is that I don't want to keep asking her out just to eat everyday/every other day.. I don't want her to feel annoyed, but at the same time I want to hangout with her and not make it seem like I am ignoring her by not talking to her.
Thank you for your advices, they have been very helpful :)
Hi Kevin,
Today, while I was with her, sometimes it seems like she is having a good time, but sometimes it seems like she is thinking about something else. There are times of the day where we were both quite because there was nothing to say. I've been happy and confident while I was with her and never spoke of relationship. I can hold her hands and kiss her, but if I do it too much, it annoys her. It still seems like it is one-sided, however, this time it's different than post breakup. The difference is that instead of being cold, the next time I asked her to hangout, she is willing to find time and accept it. It seems that she is giving me another chance, but it could also mean that she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship with me. Is it considered showing signs of neediness if I told her that I miss her and telling her I like way she smiles? It's just that when I say those things, it brings back memories of us. Another problem is that I don't want to keep asking her out just to eat everyday/every other day.. I don't want her to feel annoyed, but at the same time I want to hangout with her and not make it seem like I am ignoring her by not talking to her.
Thank you for your advices, they have been very helpful :)
Be happy and confident. Don't show any signs of neediness. Don't bring up the relationship. And have a good time.
Be happy and confident. Don't show any signs of neediness. Don't bring up the relationship. And have a good time.
Hey Edward,
I don't think you pushed her away as you didn't show any signs of neediness. I think you should contact her again after a week or two. Meet up again. Have a good time. This time, have more fun and keep things light. I think she will eventually breakup with the other guy.
Hi Kevin,
Today I've asked my ex out for dinner on Wednesday and she agreed, I'm surprised of this because she would usually say she's busy. Her words of "caring for each other as friends" and "I don't think we are capable of being partners" is still stuck in my head so I'm not sure if she is going to leave me randomly or not. I know I should just treat her as a friend but I've been jumping ahead and she wouldn't mind it. It seems like it is still one sided and I'm not sure how I should approach this. I am almost certain that she is still seeing the other guy. I am seeing her on Wednesday for dinner, what should I do Kevin, I don't want her to leave me again and she probably has no reason to leave the other guy.
PS: Thanks for all of your emails they are helpful :)
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex were together nearly 4 years, I'm 20 and he's 22.
As far as I was concerned the relationship was going just fine and we were both happy, then out of the blue he started being really distant with me, I didn't see him for around a week, when I eventually did see him he told me that he "didn't feel the same anymore" and saw me as "more of a friend now". I kept asking him why he felt this way and what had changed, I told him that I didn't understand what had happened but he just kept saying that he couldn't explain it and I got the lame excuse "it's not you, it's me" and kept telling me that he was sorry.
He broke off the relationship but told me he still wanted to be friends, we sat together for a little while and he got really close and ended up having sex. I asked him what happens now and he said he didn't know. He sat for a while and thought about it and told me that his decision was final and we were still broken up. He took me home and as I was saying goodbye, I told him I loved him, and he said "I love you too" and started to cry.
I am still confused as to why he has made this decision if he still loves me.
It has been 2 1/2 weeks now since the break up, at first we were still texting but it was mostly me doing the talking. After a few days I decided to bring in the no-contact rule and stopped texting him. We haven't messaged now for 10 days.
Unfortunately we have the same group of friends, thankfully I don't see him much but when I do we don't really speak. He doesn't even make the effort to say Hi or anything.
I bumped into his mum not long ago and she told me that he's not been himself lately and doesn't know if he's changing for the better or worse.
Could this be something to do with the break up? Do you think there is still a chance that we could get back together?
Thanks.
Hi Kevin. I had an emotional break up with my ex boyfriend two months ago. We both are 27. We dated for 3 years, and lived together for more than a year. We depended on each other a bit too deeply because we moved in a different country when we started living together. We were going to get married next year, but after loads of arguments and pressures of marriage my ex decided to leave me. He was very emotional just after the breakup, so I applied NC as in your article about a month. Today he sent me an email saying he is very sorry about this breakup and appreciates everything I've done to him, and believes I will be better off without him. I know he wants me to move on, but I still want him back in my life even as a friend. What should I do to this email? Should I ignore, or wright him back? Do you think I have no hope any more?
You have hope. Write him back with the letter mentioned in the article. Then send him a text after a week.
You have hope. Write him back with the letter mentioned in the article. Then send him a text after a week.
hi everyone well i am here for advice me and my ex were together for a year and we would always have little fights allot ill admit some were my fault and some were his but they were never really big fights just small and ended quick. our last fight was big and we said some harsh words to each other. he said he didn't have feelings for me anymore (because our fights) and he told me to move on. but i don't believe him. i think he was applying the nc rule to me and I've done it to. tomorrow will be 30 days we haven't spoken. but i still feel that he is very angry with me i don't know if i should contact him or not yet. i still love him with every piece of my heart i would do anything to take it back. I've completed 30 days of no contact but can i get some expert advice do you know if he is just saying these hurtful things to me because he is angry with me or does he really mean he doesn't have feelings for me anymore? anybody somebody please help me. please don't tell me to move on because i don't plan on it.
I don't think he really means it.
I don't think he really means it.
Hi Kevin,
I posted a message earlier and I think you might have missed it or something I don't know, but if you could take a look at it, that would be awesome.
As always Kevin, Thanks
I replied here.
I replied here.
I began the No Contact Rule today, 5/20. What if he doesn't contact me during the 30 days when I began the no contact rule? Does it mean he is doing the same and trying to get over me? Does it mean he is waiting for me to contact him? Is he trying to forget about me? He broke up with me on our 9 month anniversary. He texted me the day after the break up and said, "Are you ok?" I was everything besides ok, I was a complete wreck. I admit I was the epitome of needy when we broke up. Will it be obvious to him that I'm avoiding contact? Even when we were together he said if anything ever happened to us it would be very difficult for him not to talk to me everyday because we are bestfriends... But so far today I haven't received a text. Before I read bout the No Contact Rule and how successful it can be, I told him to call me so we can talk about things. He called last night, after I decided to try the No Contact and I rejected his call. We are still friends on FB and he likes my posts... But I don't ever like anything on his page. I have no idea what's going on in his head. I know I will have to see him in 2 weeks, because I wanted him to move out of my house after the breakup and he still has to get some things that he left. His job in the oilfield is how I know he will be back in two weeks to get the rest of his things. I know he will be back to get his things before 30 days, but I have high hopes that I will be a more positive and happy person by that time and when I see him I want him to notice how happy I have been without him.
It could be any of the reasons you mentioned. No one can say for sure. The only thing you can do is concentrate on yourself and become a happier person.
It could be any of the reasons you mentioned. No one can say for sure. The only thing you can do is concentrate on yourself and become a happier person.
Hi Kevin,
I'm curious about what I should do if I cannot physically maintain the no contact rule. I am going to be sitting next to my ex in a class tomorrow for about an hour and a half (no choice in this matter.) Any tips on what I should do? I don't want to even be around her right now, so that the no contact will have more of an effect. Should I restart the no contact period after the class?
Be cordial and treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Don't talk about anything personal. If she brings it up, tell her you don't think it's a good idea to talk about anything personal right now. You need some space and time.
I thought that might be the answer, thanks for the advice!
I thought that might be the answer, thanks for the advice!
I thought that might be the answer, thanks for the advice!
Be cordial and treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Don't talk about anything personal. If she brings it up, tell her you don't think it's a good idea to talk about anything personal right now. You need some space and time.
Hi Kevin!
First of all thank you for your emails. They are inspiring. :)
But I have question for you.
Me and my ex are so to say coworkers. We are woking together as leading people in one organization and train same sport. We broke up in february just before 2 major events planned and we had to stay in contact. So no contact period was a bit imposible.
But, he was in and out of country (work) and we had only facebook chats around organizing the events. He tried to be friendly and send me some funny photos, but I said that we should stay just on business topics.
So now, 3 months later, evethought we were in contact here and there when we had to do something, I worked on myself (trainings, mental and physical) and came to my ex and said that I want to be friends with him because we have to work with each other, I'm ok with breakup eventhough I thought that we will make it, but what is here is here etc.
He replied that it's to soon for him, he needs some time, because he still has all the feelings for me (btw I found out that he already slept with local slut (not joking, girl is beautiful, but like train station), and he told me that he has some other girl he's chatting with and likes to hang out with her eventhough he thinks there will be nothing between them, he likes the chemistry and simplicity).
When we meet (usually work included, or training) I'm controling myself to be calm, positive and have no chemistry towards him, so that he doesn't feel threatened. Don't know how to explain it better, it's like I mentally turn myself to think that I'm talking just to another friend, like we had no history (helps reminding myself the fact of sleeping with another, and that cools my chemistry down).
Now, I'm following your recomendation relationship rewind (R. Rivers), and I think that I established fake friendship phase, and acting like it, but I'm confused by his actions.
I don't know what to do...
What do you think I should do? Am I on right track?
Thank you a lot. :)
Best regards!
You are on the right track. Give him some space for now. Instead of asking for friendship, just start acting more friendly and start talking about things outside of work. Since you are already in touch, you don't need to establish false friendship with him. The main aim of false friendship is to open communication channels between you two.
You are on the right track. Give him some space for now. Instead of asking for friendship, just start acting more friendly and start talking about things outside of work. Since you are already in touch, you don't need to establish false friendship with him. The main aim of false friendship is to open communication channels between you two.
Thanks Kevin,
Yea I know it sounds a lot like a honeymoon phase but me and her have had so many things come between us in the past and we always managed to get past them. Back when we were only friends her boyfriend hated my guts and at one time she tried to end our friendship because of her feelings for me and the problems it was causing with her relationship but in the end we got through it. But we have always got along really well its just circumstances have arisen a few times that made things difficult. And as for the honeymoon phase, everyone has to start there, and I've been told that the best relationships manage to hold onto some of those honeymoon feelings.
Hello Kevin:
My girlfriend broke up with me JUST short of 3 years (we are both 22 by the way), saying she just wasn't in love with me anymore. I still think about her all the time. It's been about 3 weeks of no contact, but in 3 more weeks there is an event at which we will both be present. Should I wait for the event to try to talk to her? I already left her a letter (though I gave it to her 3 days after we broke up) saying all the things on my mind, basically all of the good aspects of our relationship and the good times we had. I know she read it and she cried a lot. Is this a good sign? She hasn't contacted me. At the event (it's a mutual friend's wedding), should I try to sit near her and start a conversation, maybe even ask her to dance? I just want to do everything right because I still think we belong together. Thanks for the advice; it's really been helpful in this difficult time.
Contact her a week before the wedding. If she is warm, then you can do all the things you said in the wedding. If she is cold, you shouldn't try to get close to her during the wedding.
Contact her a week before the wedding. If she is warm, then you can do all the things you said in the wedding. If she is cold, you shouldn't try to get close to her during the wedding.
It's been one month and twelve days since my ex left me after five years and two kids. ARGHHHH!! I THOUGHT ONLY OTHER PEOPLE ENDED UP BEING SPLIT UP AFTER HAVING KIDS!! lol. I guess it's me now... anyway I started no contact after one month, so this day 12 of NC. (Child visit rules applied with NC.)
Every breakup and post-breakup are obviously different in some way and here's mine. She left, my family hates her for it, I stil want her back. I think she felt quickly that she still wanted to be with me, but my family's hatred is too much. Since the breakup she's been in three relationships where everytime she points out huge problems with the guys and then leaves them. (3 relationships within less than 6 weeks of our breakup.) This is three rebounds, right? What do you think this type of behavior means for our breakup? Thanks man, you're great.
Thanks for the reply. I felt that was maybe the case here. I know I should still continue NC for at least the 30 days as in your post-breakup plan, and only time will tell whether or not we can still get back together. My thoughts of her now are that I still want to be with her, but I can't be for sure at this stage. As you've stated, you shouldn't feel obsessed after NC is finished and some people don't even want their ex in the end. I know that the three relationships right after ours SHOULD definitely bother me. I suppose our true feelings come in the long run of being apart, for her, and myself.
Yeah, that's three rebounds. She is having a really hard time dealing with the breakup. She hates being alone and being in a relationship doesn't satisfy her because she is not yet over you.
Thanks for the reply. I felt that was maybe the case here. I know I should still continue NC for at least the 30 days as in your post-breakup plan, and only time will tell whether or not we can still get back together. My thoughts of her now are that I still want to be with her, but I can't be for sure at this stage. As you've stated, you shouldn't feel obsessed after NC is finished and some people don't even want their ex in the end. I know that the three relationships right after ours SHOULD definitely bother me. I suppose our true feelings come in the long run of being apart, for her, and myself.
Yeah, that's three rebounds. She is having a really hard time dealing with the breakup. She hates being alone and being in a relationship doesn't satisfy her because she is not yet over you.
I feel I have quite an interesting situation. I haven't done anything like this before because I feel there's no way I could fully explain everything but I'll admit I'm rather desperate for some outside opinion.
My ex and I had a relationship for about a year and half, I'm now 23, she's 22. I've never had anyone quite like her before, she was devoted and pure emotion. It may be relevant to note that I was her first. During our relationship I broke up with her multiple times. I treated her inconsiderately, no regards for her feelings, I feel that I used her and was childish. However we would always come back to each other shortly after, because even though I was childish, she could be also. We had and still have a strong bond which brought us back together every time. This time however, it's been more serious. We broke up the final time about 6 months ago and had a couple flings up until around 3 months ago when I thought I was completely over her. She said she was attracted to someone else so I ended it all and started dating someone new (all 3 of us work together, to top it all off) without nearly enough time in between. I made an irrational decision. She sent me some of the most hateful texts I've ever read. We haven't talked for 2 months. She dated that person she said she was attracted to and it didn't last long.
I'm now still talking to the rebound girl, but unfortunately I have a powerful connection for my ex that seems impossible to break. Even when I thought everything was over and I was into someone else, she has slowly crept back into my mind. It's escalated to where now I dream about her almost all night every night. I don't know if it's really her or if it's my guilt about treating her so inconsiderately. All I know is that I've never had such an unbreakable connection to someone. We haven't talked in months, and now she has started to say hello and talk to me in short friendly conversations again.
I guess the jist of it all is that I hurt her. ALOT. I always kept her at an arms length, she told me she loved me and I never said it back. I now have realized that she is someone I could seriously commit to, and I genuinely feel remorse for the person I was to her. I need her to know these things, preferably with the apology and expression of my own personal growth that she inspired coming first.
I know this is not quite the normal situation, I am sitting on the other side of the people your guide is aimed towards. I ended it, and now I want her back, but I feel this situation needs to be handled delicately. No contact has technically already been applied, by her (whether intentional or not). It worked. Do I have any chance? Do you think she still has feelings or have I damaged this relationship too irreparably?
You have a pretty good chance. The relationship you damaged is already over. The one you will start now will be a new one. Make it great.
You have a pretty good chance. The relationship you damaged is already over. The one you will start now will be a new one. Make it great.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with around nearly two months ago. I did the bad thing of texting him, but not too much. We have got into some fights, the last being a week and a half ago. I miss him like crazy and have not contacted him for about a week. Do you think it is too late for me to have hope for our relationship to survive. I'm worried that it has been nearly two months and he will forget about me. His reasoning for breaking up with me was not great, he just said it was because of little reasons that built up. We are both still young and I'm hoping he is just going through a stage.
Please help me!! :(
Sorry i forgot to add he is 20 and I am 21.
Sorry i forgot to add he is 20 and I am 21.
Hey Kevin,
I am in need of your assistance. My ex bf of whom I was with for 6 months decided to break up because he said I hurt him...the thing is he is in the military and I didn't understand how things were goin to be at first so I was complainin about how I barely see him and how I felt about the no communication...but in doing this he said I hurt him to the point where he just doesn't want to be in a relationship. I got mad and said some kinda hurtful things because in my defense I believe I was just being a girl who wanted the attention and communication from her bf. But while talkin he looked me in my eyes and told me he wasn't in love with me anymore. This made me cry and I just knew that my relationship was over forever so I panicked and begged and pleaded but later to find out he still felt the same so then the break up was official. He texted me and told me when he brings all my things to me that he wants to sit down and talk and I have no idea what that could mean. What steps should I take in trying to fix this situation. I love him soo much that sad to say I could let him go so that he could actually be happy with someone else. The only things is my heart got so attached im lost please help me.??
When he comes to talk, stay calm and don't show any signs of neediness. After that, start no contact and follow the plan.
When he comes to talk, stay calm and don't show any signs of neediness. After that, start no contact and follow the plan.
Dear Kevin,
First of all, I want to let you know that I am a non native English speaker, so I hope you can understand my message with poor English.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me on the 18th of May (2 days ago), and we were in a close relationship more than 1 year which we were introduced by our mutual friend in Kunming last April. I am from HK and he is from UK. Back to the time we first met I was 37 and he was 42 and we both never been married.
Things went excellent from the beginning ,and we moved in together right after a week after dated a few days.We just non stop talking until midnight. And then we went to Malaysia for a trip to visit his brother because he brother married a Chinese Malaysian wife in KL, and they got in new borned baby. At the same time his parents were also there for a visit. After a few days spending time with his family and we flied to Penang to visit my Dad because my Dad emigrated there for quite some time. His parents like me and my dad likes him.
So we got back to Kunming after a vacation, things been great still, but slowly there were arguments over small things and along hurtful words, because I admit that we both tried to protect ourselves and didn’t know how to react when we were fighting for some things. We all have problems, but he has a big one that came from a 6 years depressed relationship with his ex before me, that he said she has some mental issues but they kept the relationship unhappily, she shouted at her, broke in to his apartment etc… Therefore when it came to my relationship with him, he has this shadow and somehow treated me like I am his ex, and he shouted me a lot and he also have some drinking issues, but now he gotten better and drink less.
Things still work out OK until last September, we went to the UK his home and also visited his parents, we spent a 3 weeks in the UK. Happy but also some small arguments especially when he was drinking during night.
Things are still not too bad until this February which I called off a break up because he has to fly all the time, and we sort of increasing arguments because I always see him 3 weeks and he has to leave for 3 weeks, because he is an airport sorting system engineer which he is required to fly many places to do his job. Also of course the hurtful words of each other. So after I called off a break up I flied to Xiamen for a trip, and that time was the trip I finally stepped out of Kunming myself, and I realized how much I love him, it was like I can totally accept all his shortcoming and knowing that he will be the one I want to spent my entire with, and I would also like to change improve myself to make his happy too. I called, I apologized and told him that I loved him and I made a huge mistake of saying break up because I did not know how much I careuntil I stepped away myself from this place. He sounded very hurt and said we can have a try. But things will not be the same as before because you hurted me. And I cannot love you like before, and want to marry you like before. I hurted him :(
Then from this March to April we tried to work things out, it has been good until in April that he brought back news when he returned home one day while I was cooking dinner. He said he has to leave this project in this June, and the whole team will be retreated. (We were all sad and worried) Also his company broad has a big change in this period. He was verbally confirmed by a boss that he worked for more than 16 years will promote him to a Director, but this boss had been stepped down. Of course he wasn’t happy about it and really had some deep thought whether he wants to resigned for this company that he been working for 16 year. Or should he be working for another company in Japan?
We were first planning to go to the UK together, and he said we can first get married, and see whether can apply me me a working visa, so we can work together save money to maybe start up a family and have kid, because we are not young. But then this thing has been a trigger. In this month he did not kiss me hold me or even make love with me. ( I guess he has just too much in him mind about his future career, he was tense!!)
In this May. 1st of May he needs to fly back to the UK headquarter and needs to discuss with the broad and see whether they can make a better deal to carry on. But this time is weird, because most of the time he would have call me when he arrived the airport and home safe but this time he didn’t text or call for 7 days. I noticed that he has a lot in mind that’s why I was really being patience to give him space. I did not text him at all during these 7 days. On the 8th day I cannot stand it and text him “How can you not even text me or call me while you’re back, it’s a week” (Of course I know it’s something stupid to say after I visited your website…) And then he said "I can call if you want me to"? I was just sad and protecting myself and said, “If I need you to ask, then it has no meaning” And then he said he wants another week to have some peace of mind, which he planned to ride a bike to Scotland, to think about his next step and in this period and he determined not to drink any alcohol at all. So I supported him and said OK, just call me when you returned from this trip. And on the 18th of May (2 days ago) he called and said want to cut off with me. I asked why all in a sudden (calmly), he said that things were so difficult between us, and I cannot love you like the way before. He said "I have tried from the last month, but I do not have feelings for you anymore". So tried to be calm said, "OK I respected your decision but I deserved to know the truth, are you with someone new"? He said "No". I asked for a few more times because I trusted my intuition. He said "why you think in this way?" I said," because I had a strong feeling that you might probably met someone new". Then he replied, "yes, I met her on the plane while flying back to the UK. She is a Chinese from Manchester, 32."
I am sad but he at least he is telling me the truth. So I asked "can you tell me that you don’t love me anymore?"
He lower his tone and said I don’t. And I said OK. I am just curious, you guys already together. He said No, we have no future, we just texted to each other a lot but I like her very much, and so does she.
So I totally respected his decision since his heart no longer with me. I am so depressed and hope to find out whether he still love me, or a chance to get him back. Because we will MAYBE see one more time if he has to required to come back in June or July to take care the last thing of his project, and also the apartment we are living in.
So that’s the whole story. Kevin, I hope you can give me some indication, and maybe tell me
1) If there's any chance my ex still love me and will he come back?
2) Would that girl be a rebound person that he met on the plane? Or that could be his true love
3) From your experience I wish to know can we get back together?
Your prompt reply is appreciated. Thanks
Sorry Kevin. I will heed to your advice. But if I should follow the plan which one shall I follow. Of course I will try to move on. But hope there's a chance. Thank you very much
This one.
Kevin,
It's me again. I have been listening to your advise and your emails, also no contact rules. In this period we did texting each other just for the apartment, that's all. And I am accepting the fact he want to have a new life. But the point is he will come back on the 14th of June for 3 weeks, we are living in the same apartment. I don't know how to deal with it. I hope you can give me some advise:
1) When he got back how should I react?
2) We have only one bedroom and a couch, but I don't think we should sleep in one bed anymore. How to handle this nicely?
3) What attitude to make him attracted to me again?
Thanks for your help
Sorry Kevin,
One more question to ask. I want to know from your perspective, is there any chance that my ex and I will get back together. Well he will be back for 3 weeks on the 14th of June. Any rules that I need to follow, since we will be living in the same apartment. I hope to win him back. I have the strong feelings that he is the one. Your prompt reply is appreciated
Thanks
Sharon
Hey Sharon,
I do think you have a chance. Although, I can't really say how much. But I definitely think it's worth trying. I have written about the rules in this article.
Hey Sharon,
I do think you have a chance. Although, I can't really say how much. But I definitely think it's worth trying. I have written about the rules in this article.
Hey Sharon,
I do think you have a chance. Although, I can't really say how much. But I definitely think it's worth trying. I have written about the rules in this article.
Hey Sharon,
I do think you have a chance. Although, I can't really say how much. But I definitely think it's worth trying. I have written about the rules in this article.
Hey Sharon,
I do think you have a chance. Although, I can't really say how much. But I definitely think it's worth trying. I have written about the rules in this article.
Hey Sharon,
I do think you have a chance. Although, I can't really say how much. But I definitely think it's worth trying. I have written about the rules in this article.
1. Be cordial but don't show him that you need him. You should have plans for yourself during the time he is living there. Schedule your week beforehand so you know what to do. Go out often.
2. Yes, you shouldn't sleep on the same bed. You can tell him this and discuss who should sleep on the couch.
3. Same as one. Be happy and confident in your life. Give him the impression that you are moving on.
Sorry Kevin,
One more question to ask. I want to know from your perspective, is there any chance that my ex and I will get back together. Well he will be back for 3 weeks on the 14th of June. Any rules that I need to follow, since we will be living in the same apartment. I hope to win him back. I have the strong feelings that he is the one. Your prompt reply is appreciated
Thanks
Sharon
1. Be cordial but don't show him that you need him. You should have plans for yourself during the time he is living there. Schedule your week beforehand so you know what to do. Go out often.
2. Yes, you shouldn't sleep on the same bed. You can tell him this and discuss who should sleep on the couch.
3. Same as one. Be happy and confident in your life. Give him the impression that you are moving on.
Sorry Kevin,
One more question to ask. I want to know from your perspective, is there any chance that my ex and I will get back together. Well he will be back for 3 weeks on the 14th of June. Any rules that I need to follow, since we will be living in the same apartment. I hope to win him back. I have the strong feelings that he is the one. Your prompt reply is appreciated
Thanks
Sharon
1. Be cordial but don't show him that you need him. You should have plans for yourself during the time he is living there. Schedule your week beforehand so you know what to do. Go out often.
2. Yes, you shouldn't sleep on the same bed. You can tell him this and discuss who should sleep on the couch.
3. Same as one. Be happy and confident in your life. Give him the impression that you are moving on.
Sorry Kevin,
One more question to ask. I want to know from your perspective, is there any chance that my ex and I will get back together. Well he will be back for 3 weeks on the 14th of June. Any rules that I need to follow, since we will be living in the same apartment. I hope to win him back. I have the strong feelings that he is the one. Your prompt reply is appreciated
Thanks
Sharon
1. Be cordial but don't show him that you need him. You should have plans for yourself during the time he is living there. Schedule your week beforehand so you know what to do. Go out often.
2. Yes, you shouldn't sleep on the same bed. You can tell him this and discuss who should sleep on the couch.
3. Same as one. Be happy and confident in your life. Give him the impression that you are moving on.
Sorry Kevin,
One more question to ask. I want to know from your perspective, is there any chance that my ex and I will get back together. Well he will be back for 3 weeks on the 14th of June. Any rules that I need to follow, since we will be living in the same apartment. I hope to win him back. I have the strong feelings that he is the one. Your prompt reply is appreciated
Thanks
Sharon
1. Be cordial but don't show him that you need him. You should have plans for yourself during the time he is living there. Schedule your week beforehand so you know what to do. Go out often.
2. Yes, you shouldn't sleep on the same bed. You can tell him this and discuss who should sleep on the couch.
3. Same as one. Be happy and confident in your life. Give him the impression that you are moving on.
Kevin,
It's me again. I have been listening to your advise and your emails, also no contact rules. In this period we did texting each other just for the apartment, that's all. And I am accepting the fact he want to have a new life. But the point is he will come back on the 14th of June for 3 weeks, we are living in the same apartment. I don't know how to deal with it. I hope you can give me some advise:
1) When he got back how should I react?
2) We have only one bedroom and a couch, but I don't think we should sleep in one bed anymore. How to handle this nicely?
3) What attitude to make him attracted to me again?
Thanks for your help
Kevin,
It's me again. I have been listening to your advise and your emails, also no contact rules. In this period we did texting each other just for the apartment, that's all. And I am accepting the fact he want to have a new life. But the point is he will come back on the 14th of June for 3 weeks, we are living in the same apartment. I don't know how to deal with it. I hope you can give me some advise:
1) When he got back how should I react?
2) We have only one bedroom and a couch, but I don't think we should sleep in one bed anymore. How to handle this nicely?
3) What attitude to make him attracted to me again?
Thanks for your help
Kevin,
It's me again. I have been listening to your advise and your emails, also no contact rules. In this period we did texting each other just for the apartment, that's all. And I am accepting the fact he want to have a new life. But the point is he will come back on the 14th of June for 3 weeks, we are living in the same apartment. I don't know how to deal with it. I hope you can give me some advise:
1) When he got back how should I react?
2) We have only one bedroom and a couch, but I don't think we should sleep in one bed anymore. How to handle this nicely?
3) What attitude to make him attracted to me again?
Thanks for your help
This one.
This one.
1. It's hard to say. At this age, he is probably looking to settle down. That's why he tried a relationship with you even when he thought his feelings are not the same. And it didn't work for him. It's hard to say if he will want to try again.
2. It can be rebound. Again it's hard to say.
3. There's a chance. But you will have to let it be his idea. If you want to pursue him, you shouldn't approach him directly. Follow the plan. If it doesn't work, move on.
Sorry Kevin. I will heed to your advice. But if I should follow the plan which one shall I follow. Of course I will try to move on. But hope there's a chance. Thank you very much
1. It's hard to say. At this age, he is probably looking to settle down. That's why he tried a relationship with you even when he thought his feelings are not the same. And it didn't work for him. It's hard to say if he will want to try again.
2. It can be rebound. Again it's hard to say.
3. There's a chance. But you will have to let it be his idea. If you want to pursue him, you shouldn't approach him directly. Follow the plan. If it doesn't work, move on.
Hi kevin, thank you for creating this page. Helped me a lot. I broke up with my exbf about 10mos ago. We had a great relationship. But i had to end it because during the later part of our relationship, he became very neglectful, kept secrets, sexting his exes. It became too much to handle so I walked out on him. After the break up, we kept communicating although sporadically. I got busy with work and so was he. I did not want to see him that this time even if he asked because I was still in pain because of what happened and the break up. I finally agreed to meet up with him after 8 months of separation (april 2014). It went ok, we were friendly but I acted a little aloof on my part. I wanted him to feel that I was done chasing and exerting effort to get back. I felt that I owe that to myself. The meet up lasted for an hour with him wishing me well on my next relationship. He didn't speak to me since then - no texts or email. So i also went NC until now. 2 weeks ago, I found out he is dating somebody else because of their pictures together on FB(gf tagged him). I am hurt and sad. I dont know if this is a rebound relationship or something else. Im hoping it wont last long. At the back of my mind, I still want him back. Please advise me.
It's hard to say if it's a rebound since it has been 8 months. If you still want him, apply no contact for 2 more weeks and get back in touch.
It's hard to say if it's a rebound since it has been 8 months. If you still want him, apply no contact for 2 more weeks and get back in touch.
Hey Kevin,
Let me start by saying your a HUGE help, I can't thank you enough.
Since my breakup I've made significant progress, I'm in the "sort of over it" stage.
I still love her though and want to win her back.
I'm in week 3 of the no contact period.
I set a aim of 4 weeks, which I'm sure ill complete.
I've also learned from common friends that she misses me. Which is great news :D
My only issue is, I don't know what am I supposed to do after no contact period?
I can't meet her because shes in another country.
she will be coming back in another 4-5 months.
I'm afraid she will move on completely if I wait that long.
Should I contact her and be friends?
Or should I wait for her to make contact?
Awaiting your reply,
Rohit
Start with texts. If she is warm, then ask her to skype after a while. If things go well, then eventually you can go to her city to meet up.
She stays in another country, I don't think I can go there considering the expenses and the visa issues.
I've been needy in the past before and after the breakup.. I've made a lot of the mistakes you've mentioned.
Would I look weak if I messaged first?
I have read relationship rewind,
Is it a good idea to send her that hand written letter at this stage?
If she stays in another country, how is the relationship going to work between you two? Do you really see a long term potential with her? Even if you do get her back, how often will you be able to see her? If you've completed no contact, send the hand written letter (not the one in Relationship rewind, that's if you are already friends with her).
She will be coming back in 4-5 months, I'm confident that things will be good once she is back.
But I'm afraid that she will completely move on in these 5 months.
I want to avoid that at all costs.
I have successfully completed 1 month on nc today.
My b'day will be coming up in 2 weeks, I'm sure she will call to wish me.
Should I wait for her to call me or should I initiate?
Her best friend is a good friend of mine, should I ask her if she still has feelings for me?
Can't thank you enough for your advice,
Rohit
Don't ask her friend.
Wait for her to wish you. Then wait another week and then contact her. If she doesn't wish you, contact her two weeks after your birthday.
Don't ask her friend.
Wait for her to wish you. Then wait another week and then contact her. If she doesn't wish you, contact her two weeks after your birthday.
Don't ask her friend.
Wait for her to wish you. Then wait another week and then contact her. If she doesn't wish you, contact her two weeks after your birthday.
Don't ask her friend.
Wait for her to wish you. Then wait another week and then contact her. If she doesn't wish you, contact her two weeks after your birthday.
Don't ask her friend.
Wait for her to wish you. Then wait another week and then contact her. If she doesn't wish you, contact her two weeks after your birthday.
Don't ask her friend.
Wait for her to wish you. Then wait another week and then contact her. If she doesn't wish you, contact her two weeks after your birthday.
She will be coming back in 4-5 months, I'm confident that things will be good once she is back.
But I'm afraid that she will completely move on in these 5 months.
I want to avoid that at all costs.
I have successfully completed 1 month on nc today.
My b'day will be coming up in 2 weeks, I'm sure she will call to wish me.
Should I wait for her to call me or should I initiate?
Her best friend is a good friend of mine, should I ask her if she still has feelings for me?
Can't thank you enough for your advice,
Rohit
She will be coming back in 4-5 months, I'm confident that things will be good once she is back.
But I'm afraid that she will completely move on in these 5 months.
I want to avoid that at all costs.
I have successfully completed 1 month on nc today.
My b'day will be coming up in 2 weeks, I'm sure she will call to wish me.
Should I wait for her to call me or should I initiate?
Her best friend is a good friend of mine, should I ask her if she still has feelings for me?
Can't thank you enough for your advice,
Rohit
She will be coming back in 4-5 months, I'm confident that things will be good once she is back.
But I'm afraid that she will completely move on in these 5 months.
I want to avoid that at all costs.
I have successfully completed 1 month on nc today.
My b'day will be coming up in 2 weeks, I'm sure she will call to wish me.
Should I wait for her to call me or should I initiate?
Her best friend is a good friend of mine, should I ask her if she still has feelings for me?
Can't thank you enough for your advice,
Rohit
She will be coming back in 4-5 months, I'm confident that things will be good once she is back.
But I'm afraid that she will completely move on in these 5 months.
I want to avoid that at all costs.
I have successfully completed 1 month on nc today.
My b'day will be coming up in 2 weeks, I'm sure she will call to wish me.
Should I wait for her to call me or should I initiate?
Her best friend is a good friend of mine, should I ask her if she still has feelings for me?
Can't thank you enough for your advice,
Rohit
If she stays in another country, how is the relationship going to work between you two? Do you really see a long term potential with her? Even if you do get her back, how often will you be able to see her? If you've completed no contact, send the hand written letter (not the one in Relationship rewind, that's if you are already friends with her).
If she stays in another country, how is the relationship going to work between you two? Do you really see a long term potential with her? Even if you do get her back, how often will you be able to see her? If you've completed no contact, send the hand written letter (not the one in Relationship rewind, that's if you are already friends with her).
If she stays in another country, how is the relationship going to work between you two? Do you really see a long term potential with her? Even if you do get her back, how often will you be able to see her? If you've completed no contact, send the hand written letter (not the one in Relationship rewind, that's if you are already friends with her).
She stays in another country, I don't think I can go there considering the expenses and the visa issues.
I've been needy in the past before and after the breakup.. I've made a lot of the mistakes you've mentioned.
Would I look weak if I messaged first?
I have read relationship rewind,
Is it a good idea to send her that hand written letter at this stage?
She stays in another country, I don't think I can go there considering the expenses and the visa issues.
I've been needy in the past before and after the breakup.. I've made a lot of the mistakes you've mentioned.
Would I look weak if I messaged first?
I have read relationship rewind,
Is it a good idea to send her that hand written letter at this stage?
Start with texts. If she is warm, then ask her to skype after a while. If things go well, then eventually you can go to her city to meet up.
So my ex girlfirend broke it off after about 5 years. We were in a messed up situation that I shouldn't talk about on here but we were basically working it out or I thought we were. Then last week she posts on facebook she's in another relationship. We have a son so the only contact I should have is when I see him right? Do you think I can get her back? Because I really was trying to work the relationship out with her.
I think it's worth trying. Read this article to learn about no contact with kids.
I think it's worth trying. Read this article to learn about no contact with kids.
Kevin,
I've read your article but I'm still really confused what to do about the no contact for 30 days thing because my ex won't break up with me. We are still currently together and engaged, and I know he is going through some things and said he needed time to figure some stuff out but he won't break up with me? I even told him that if there was someone else or he wanted to end things then that was fine, but to please just end things so that I could move on with my life. But he told me he still loved me and didn't want to break up. I am trying to give him his space but I am just confused where to go from here since technically we are still together and engaged. What should I do?
If you are still together, don't apply no contact. Give him space. When he contacts you, reply to him. Don't show any signs of neediness.
If you are still together, don't apply no contact. Give him space. When he contacts you, reply to him. Don't show any signs of neediness.
Hi Kevin,
i have read your step plans & i will follow them, i also want to receive the emails.
Will this still work even if we have a kid together?
Thanks.
There's no guarantee but it'll definitely increase your chances. Read this article to learn about no contact with kids.
There's no guarantee but it'll definitely increase your chances. Read this article to learn about no contact with kids.
Hey Kevin,
I've read through everything in your article (numerous times!) I've not seen anything about other people getting involved? My cousin, after seeing how hurt I was messaged my ex (of a month) and his new fling (of 2 weeks) and they had a few arguments, I messaged him to tell him to ignore it all, we spoke and he said that he's not with this new girl (although EVERYTHING that they're showing is signs of a rebound, flirting on facebook, staying at eachothers places, her being everything he said he didn't want in a girl! ..) I've not spoken to him in a few days, although the last month there's been a lot of arguments, he's deleted and blocked off everything since our last contact. How damaging is this, and is it worth even starting the 5 step plan now, or should I just cut my losses?
Thanks in advance!
- S
I think there's still a chance. Apply no contact and tell your cousin to not do anything like that again.
I think there's still a chance. Apply no contact and tell your cousin to not do anything like that again.
I have to see my ex frequently. We work together and also go to the same gym, our kids play in the same baseball league. He flirts with me all of the time at work, the gym, and in texts. But it is very hot and cold. I purchased Relationship Rewind and started ignoring his texts and such. Then he came on strong at the gym forcing himself into my space. Then he stopped. Yesterday at the gym he told me he was going to go out on a date. I attempted to control my emotions by not saying anything more than cool and then making an exit. Should I have said something else?
You did the right thing. A date doesn't really mean anything. Even if he starts a relationship, it'll probably be a rebound.
You did the right thing. A date doesn't really mean anything. Even if he starts a relationship, it'll probably be a rebound.
Hey Kevin.
I implemented much of your advice so far and I'm pleased to say that I have made excellent progress with not only regards to my ex but myself.
So after my ex and I decided that we can be friends we now joke around over texting and laugh and reminisce about old times. However not much in detail. More neutral.
So after a few days I decided to take the plunge and call him. Straight after the hello how are you pleasantries. I asked him if he will do me a favour and meet up with me. (I had his birthday gift that I needed to give him which I had been saving) he said no, after a little bit of persuasion he said maybe and he will think about it. I accepted it gracefully and cut the call. I didn't make any small talk or was bubbly, just straight and polite. Did I make a mistake about that? (he also asked is I needed to see him today he seemed like he had other plans too)
Later I messaged him apologizing saying that it was the last thing I needed to do regarding him and he said that asking to meet up with him to gain closure is okay but not to give him any gifts. I told him that the gift was specifically chosen for him and he said that we can talk about it
I later implemented the "appreciation" texts and he actually apologized for not being around (for everyone who is reading these articles and are still skeptic, believe me it works). Later the jealousy method with a very lukewarm response.
How do I get him to ensure this meet up. Also I'm always initiating conversation. How do I reverse the roles.
Hey Stacey,
I am against the idea of giving gifts to an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together. It conveys a little bit of neediness. But what's done is done. And if you've already told him, you can give it to him. Instead of asking to meet up to give him the gift, you can just ask to catch up for a coffee or use one of the venues relationship rewind suggests. I think that will increase your chances of securing a date. As for reversing the roles, you can just stop texting him for a while. A week or two of no contact can be very helpful.
Hey Stacey,
I am against the idea of giving gifts to an ex unless you are on the verge of getting back together. It conveys a little bit of neediness. But what's done is done. And if you've already told him, you can give it to him. Instead of asking to meet up to give him the gift, you can just ask to catch up for a coffee or use one of the venues relationship rewind suggests. I think that will increase your chances of securing a date. As for reversing the roles, you can just stop texting him for a while. A week or two of no contact can be very helpful.
Hi Kevin. I think its been 3 plus months since i left my first comment here.
I think it did not work out because -
I was unable to follow the no contact plan completely.
She was in a rebound relationship.
She promised me to talk to me after she is done with her exams but later she refused (she kept me waiting for 2 months).
The situation here is -
She is added in my facebook currently.
She is adding pictures almost daily and looks super happy.
Major problems -
We will be joining colleges next month most probably in different cities.
I really want to get back to her, i want to get her to talk to me. Its been like 8 months since we are fighting.
The problem started when she did things she promised me she won't ever and i did not open my mouth for like 4 months as to why i am not talking to her properly and suddenly one day she was like you did this too much , then she talked to me for 2 months more we used to meet she was nice to me, she said she can not be in a relationship now as she is tired. I went all mad this time and did all things written here not to do.
I wanna give this relationship one more try but the problem i have here is that i have hardly one month left then we will be in different cities , if i could get to meet her that would be really great, she is still added in my facebook account.
Hey Anon,
IF you are going to be in different colleges and different cities, I feel obligated to warn you that even if you do get her back, you are going to have a hard time maintaining the relationship while you are in college. Insecurity, jealousy and long distance is going to creep up and probably destroy your relationships. She is also well aware of that is probably going to factor this when she is going to think about reconciliation.
And if you try to rush things and try to get back together before she leaves for the college, it'll only make you look needy. I'll recommend you follow the plan and keep no contact for two weeks. You'll still have two weeks remaining to meet her.
Hi Kevin, i am totally aware of these insecurities and jealousy thing, actually this was the thing that made me behave weird, i know what she is going through.
But after she was away with me i know how strong i have felt for her, from i can not be in a LDR to i was this is the best thing we can have.
I really wanna give it a try.
Can you tell me should i stop being active on facebook and should i unfriend her or not ?
Kevin i can relate to her situation. I used to think that no matter what happens i won't be with this girl again. I changed my mind when she applied the no contact rule and was in a rebound relationship. I would have done nothing if she was in my friendlist or if she would have not blocked my phone number. I don't wanna do the same thing of being with another girl to get her.
The time when she got back to me i acted way too desperate for months.
I am really unsure of what to do i feel like i should block her, i also have a friend request from a kind of my ex. Should i accept her friend request on facebook ?
She knows i have her gmail password, she did not change it, she said she never wants to talk to me but hasn't blocked me, she used me like a doormat for 4 months, she had promised me a day to talk to me but she did not when that day came, i waited 2 months for it.
I am currently going to a gym, i really lost it when she ordered lingere using that gmail account, the next thing i saw was that she has signed up for a new hotmail account. She will be joining college in July. I wanna meet her before that. The thing here is this girl used me like a doormat for a lot of time, she needs a blow that i have moved on and i am with someone else (this was what got me back when i was in her shoes). You said not to unfriend her but i have behaved so so desperate that she will surely think the things i do on fb are just to show her.
She did things she promised me she never will, i had also promised that i will never talk to that girl again, would adding her to my facebook make it worse or it will have the effect it had on me when she was with someone else ?
It's hard to say what effect it will have. If you want to get back in touch with your ex, you should add her. Don't think about what your current ex will think. Don't add her just to make her jealous or get a reaction out of her. If you don't have any interest in her, don't add her.
Also, stop checking her gmail. If you can't stop yourself, tell her to change her password. If her facebook statuses and posts are not stopping your progress, let her remain as a friend. She might suspect that you are doing it to make her jealous, but it'll still have an effect on her. Don't make it completely obvious that you are trying to show her you've moved on. Be subtle.
It's hard to say what effect it will have. If you want to get back in touch with your ex, you should add her. Don't think about what your current ex will think. Don't add her just to make her jealous or get a reaction out of her. If you don't have any interest in her, don't add her.
Also, stop checking her gmail. If you can't stop yourself, tell her to change her password. If her facebook statuses and posts are not stopping your progress, let her remain as a friend. She might suspect that you are doing it to make her jealous, but it'll still have an effect on her. Don't make it completely obvious that you are trying to show her you've moved on. Be subtle.
It's hard to say what effect it will have. If you want to get back in touch with your ex, you should add her. Don't think about what your current ex will think. Don't add her just to make her jealous or get a reaction out of her. If you don't have any interest in her, don't add her.
Also, stop checking her gmail. If you can't stop yourself, tell her to change her password. If her facebook statuses and posts are not stopping your progress, let her remain as a friend. She might suspect that you are doing it to make her jealous, but it'll still have an effect on her. Don't make it completely obvious that you are trying to show her you've moved on. Be subtle.
It's hard to say what effect it will have. If you want to get back in touch with your ex, you should add her. Don't think about what your current ex will think. Don't add her just to make her jealous or get a reaction out of her. If you don't have any interest in her, don't add her.
Also, stop checking her gmail. If you can't stop yourself, tell her to change her password. If her facebook statuses and posts are not stopping your progress, let her remain as a friend. She might suspect that you are doing it to make her jealous, but it'll still have an effect on her. Don't make it completely obvious that you are trying to show her you've moved on. Be subtle.
It's hard to say what effect it will have. If you want to get back in touch with your ex, you should add her. Don't think about what your current ex will think. Don't add her just to make her jealous or get a reaction out of her. If you don't have any interest in her, don't add her.
Also, stop checking her gmail. If you can't stop yourself, tell her to change her password. If her facebook statuses and posts are not stopping your progress, let her remain as a friend. She might suspect that you are doing it to make her jealous, but it'll still have an effect on her. Don't make it completely obvious that you are trying to show her you've moved on. Be subtle.
Don't unfriend her. Keep your facebook activities normal. If you are used to posting regularly, keep it up.
Hi Kevin, she knows that i have her gmail password, i today found out that she made a new account and she was ordering some lingere online so i totally lost it at that moment. I feel really down now. She knows i have her password still she does not unfriends me.
My ex also sent me a friend request i don't know what to do about it.
Hi Kevin, she knows that i have her gmail password, i today found out that she made a new account and she was ordering some lingere online so i totally lost it at that moment. I feel really down now. She knows i have her password still she does not unfriends me.
My ex also sent me a friend request i don't know what to do about it.
Hi Kevin, she knows that i have her gmail password, i today found out that she made a new account and she was ordering some lingere online so i totally lost it at that moment. I feel really down now. She knows i have her password still she does not unfriends me.
My ex also sent me a friend request i don't know what to do about it.
Hi Kevin, she knows that i have her gmail password, i today found out that she made a new account and she was ordering some lingere online so i totally lost it at that moment. I feel really down now. She knows i have her password still she does not unfriends me.
My ex also sent me a friend request i don't know what to do about it.
Hi Kevin, she knows that i have her gmail password, i today found out that she made a new account and she was ordering some lingere online so i totally lost it at that moment. I feel really down now. She knows i have her password still she does not unfriends me.
My ex also sent me a friend request i don't know what to do about it.
Kevin i can relate to her situation. I used to think that no matter what happens i won't be with this girl again. I changed my mind when she applied the no contact rule and was in a rebound relationship. I would have done nothing if she was in my friendlist or if she would have not blocked my phone number. I don't wanna do the same thing of being with another girl to get her.
The time when she got back to me i acted way too desperate for months.
I am really unsure of what to do i feel like i should block her, i also have a friend request from a kind of my ex. Should i accept her friend request on facebook ?
She knows i have her gmail password, she did not change it, she said she never wants to talk to me but hasn't blocked me, she used me like a doormat for 4 months, she had promised me a day to talk to me but she did not when that day came, i waited 2 months for it.
I am currently going to a gym, i really lost it when she ordered lingere using that gmail account, the next thing i saw was that she has signed up for a new hotmail account. She will be joining college in July. I wanna meet her before that. The thing here is this girl used me like a doormat for a lot of time, she needs a blow that i have moved on and i am with someone else (this was what got me back when i was in her shoes). You said not to unfriend her but i have behaved so so desperate that she will surely think the things i do on fb are just to show her.
She did things she promised me she never will, i had also promised that i will never talk to that girl again, would adding her to my facebook make it worse or it will have the effect it had on me when she was with someone else ?
Don't unfriend her. Keep your facebook activities normal. If you are used to posting regularly, keep it up.
Kevin i can relate to her situation. I used to think that no matter what happens i won't be with this girl again. I changed my mind when she applied the no contact rule and was in a rebound relationship. I would have done nothing if she was in my friendlist or if she would have not blocked my phone number. I don't wanna do the same thing of being with another girl to get her.
The time when she got back to me i acted way too desperate for months.
I am really unsure of what to do i feel like i should block her, i also have a friend request from a kind of my ex. Should i accept her friend request on facebook ?
She knows i have her gmail password, she did not change it, she said she never wants to talk to me but hasn't blocked me, she used me like a doormat for 4 months, she had promised me a day to talk to me but she did not when that day came, i waited 2 months for it.
I am currently going to a gym, i really lost it when she ordered lingere using that gmail account, the next thing i saw was that she has signed up for a new hotmail account. She will be joining college in July. I wanna meet her before that. The thing here is this girl used me like a doormat for a lot of time, she needs a blow that i have moved on and i am with someone else (this was what got me back when i was in her shoes). You said not to unfriend her but i have behaved so so desperate that she will surely think the things i do on fb are just to show her.
She did things she promised me she never will, i had also promised that i will never talk to that girl again, would adding her to my facebook make it worse or it will have the effect it had on me when she was with someone else ?
Don't unfriend her. Keep your facebook activities normal. If you are used to posting regularly, keep it up.
Kevin i can relate to her situation. I used to think that no matter what happens i won't be with this girl again. I changed my mind when she applied the no contact rule and was in a rebound relationship. I would have done nothing if she was in my friendlist or if she would have not blocked my phone number. I don't wanna do the same thing of being with another girl to get her.
The time when she got back to me i acted way too desperate for months.
I am really unsure of what to do i feel like i should block her, i also have a friend request from a kind of my ex. Should i accept her friend request on facebook ?
She knows i have her gmail password, she did not change it, she said she never wants to talk to me but hasn't blocked me, she used me like a doormat for 4 months, she had promised me a day to talk to me but she did not when that day came, i waited 2 months for it.
I am currently going to a gym, i really lost it when she ordered lingere using that gmail account, the next thing i saw was that she has signed up for a new hotmail account. She will be joining college in July. I wanna meet her before that. The thing here is this girl used me like a doormat for a lot of time, she needs a blow that i have moved on and i am with someone else (this was what got me back when i was in her shoes). You said not to unfriend her but i have behaved so so desperate that she will surely think the things i do on fb are just to show her.
She did things she promised me she never will, i had also promised that i will never talk to that girl again, would adding her to my facebook make it worse or it will have the effect it had on me when she was with someone else ?
Don't unfriend her. Keep your facebook activities normal. If you are used to posting regularly, keep it up.
Hi Kevin, i am totally aware of these insecurities and jealousy thing, actually this was the thing that made me behave weird, i know what she is going through.
But after she was away with me i know how strong i have felt for her, from i can not be in a LDR to i was this is the best thing we can have.
I really wanna give it a try.
Can you tell me should i stop being active on facebook and should i unfriend her or not ?
Hi Kevin, i am totally aware of these insecurities and jealousy thing, actually this was the thing that made me behave weird, i know what she is going through.
But after she was away with me i know how strong i have felt for her, from i can not be in a LDR to i was this is the best thing we can have.
I really wanna give it a try.
Can you tell me should i stop being active on facebook and should i unfriend her or not ?
no reply yet
Hey,
I can't find your comment. Do you mind posting again? Please read comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Kevin , Im 19 and my ex it just recently 18 we were daating for 10 months and she vas totally crazy for me all the sudden she stop doing things like calling me and sending me morning text and when i asked she told the she was busy all time the all of the sudden began to ignore my calls and this friday she told me it was over because i was like needy and dont give her any space so when she left me i didn`t call he or anything but her graduation was yesterday and make the mistake to go i went to congratulate her and she didnt take the time to talk a me a bit or to ask me how I was. I really want her back because she maked me alot of promise that she would never leave and I know she was in love with. Please Kevin i want to get her back for sure shes the kind of girl thats says she doesnt come back when she ends a relationship
You think in this situation she will come back?
I can't guarantee. But you do have a chance.
I can't guarantee. But you do have a chance.
I can't guarantee. But you do have a chance.
I can't guarantee. But you do have a chance.
I can't guarantee. But you do have a chance.
I can't guarantee. But you do have a chance.
Your best bet is to follow the steps in the article.
You think in this situation she will come back?
Your best bet is to follow the steps in the article.
You think in this situation she will come back?
Your best bet is to follow the steps in the article.
You think in this situation she will come back?
Your best bet is to follow the steps in the article.
You think in this situation she will come back?
Your best bet is to follow the steps in the article.
Hey Kevin , Im 19 and my ex it just recently 18 we were daating for 10 months and she vas totally crazy for me all the sudden she stop doing things like calling me and sending me morning text and when i asked she told the she was busy all time the all of the sudden began to ignore my calls and this friday she told me it was over because i was like needy and dont give her any space so when she left me i didn`t call he or anything but her graduation was yesterday and make the mistake to go i went to congratulate her and she didnt take the time to talk a me a bit or to ask me how I was. I really want her back because she maked me alot of promise that she would never leave and I know she was in love with. Please Kevin i want to get her back for sure shes the kind of girl thats says she doesnt come back when she ends a relationship
Hey Kevin , Im 19 and my ex it just recently 18 we were daating for 10 months and she vas totally crazy for me all the sudden she stop doing things like calling me and sending me morning text and when i asked she told the she was busy all time the all of the sudden began to ignore my calls and this friday she told me it was over because i was like needy and dont give her any space so when she left me i didn`t call he or anything but her graduation was yesterday and make the mistake to go i went to congratulate her and she didnt take the time to talk a me a bit or to ask me how I was. I really want her back because she maked me alot of promise that she would never leave and I know she was in love with. Please Kevin i want to get her back for sure shes the kind of girl thats says she doesnt come back when she ends a relationship
Hey Kevin , Im 19 and my ex it just recently 18 we were daating for 10 months and she vas totally crazy for me all the sudden she stop doing things like calling me and sending me morning text and when i asked she told the she was busy all time the all of the sudden began to ignore my calls and this friday she told me it was over because i was like needy and dont give her any space so when she left me i didn`t call he or anything but her graduation was yesterday and make the mistake to go i went to congratulate her and she didnt take the time to talk a me a bit or to ask me how I was. I really want her back because she maked me alot of promise that she would never leave and I know she was in love with. Please Kevin i want to get her back for sure shes the kind of girl thats says she doesnt come back when she ends a relationship
Hey,
I can't find your comment. Do you mind posting again? Please read comments guidelines before posting.
Hey,
I can't find your comment. Do you mind posting again? Please read comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Anon,
IF you are going to be in different colleges and different cities, I feel obligated to warn you that even if you do get her back, you are going to have a hard time maintaining the relationship while you are in college. Insecurity, jealousy and long distance is going to creep up and probably destroy your relationships. She is also well aware of that is probably going to factor this when she is going to think about reconciliation.
And if you try to rush things and try to get back together before she leaves for the college, it'll only make you look needy. I'll recommend you follow the plan and keep no contact for two weeks. You'll still have two weeks remaining to meet her.
no reply yet
Hi Kevin,
I've been broken up with my ex girlfriend officially for 6 weeks now and last week sent the hand-written letter as per the plan last week but didn't get a reply or a phone call. She did however unblock me on facebook last week (assuming when she received the letter) and hasn't re-blocked me yet. I'm tempted to move into the text message phase but judging by her facebook profile, her and the rebound look "pretty serious". Is it still worth following up with the text messages or just continue NC? Thanks.
PS She started seeing this rebound guy a month or so before our breakup.
It's worth trying.
Thanks. Should I leave it a few weeks now before I send the first text?
Yes. I'll recommend at least two weeks.
Yes. I'll recommend at least two weeks.
Yes. I'll recommend at least two weeks.
Yes. I'll recommend at least two weeks.
Thanks. Should I leave it a few weeks now before I send the first text?
Thanks. Should I leave it a few weeks now before I send the first text?
It's worth trying.
Hi Kevin. I need some advice.
My ex broke up with me two days ago. I had been going out with him for almost 9 months but I have known him for 2 years. He is 28 and I am 25. He has been going through a rough time lately because he doesn't have a job. He is the kind of guy who doesn't like to tell his problems to other people so I didn't know he was internalizing a lot of things. The day that he broke up with me, I was very surprised because we had a good day. We went to church but before that he was a little upset with me because I got upset that I had a stain on my shirt. I got over it and apologized but he didn't let it go. That night, my sister was over as well and we were all getting along. He suddenly started argue with me. He kept on calling me a liar and I had no idea where it was coming from. He just kept on picking fights with me even though I didn't respond to his arguments. Eventually my sister told him to shut the f up and he got so upset and said he is going to leave. He kept on telling me that I am bringing him down because I am so negative all the time. I admitted to it but he never told me before how he really felt. I can be negative but I know myself and I know he was exaggerating. There is a deeper meaning to the words he was saying. To make the story short, he said there is no "us" anymore and said he wants to be friends only. He was very hostile and didn't even say when I asked him if he loves me anymore. He didn't even hug me and even smiled as he left. He wasn't always like this. In fact, I looked him and thought he was someone else. I haven't contacted him at all and instead I deleted him and blocked him off Facebook and got rid of pictures and things. It hurts but I am willing to do the no contact rule. My question is, does this mean he is going to contact me at one point? We lacked communication in out relationship but the way he was that day made me feel like he doesn't want me anymore and also almost hates me. I'm sad and upset but I am going to stick to the no contact rule. I still truly believe that me and him can work it out.
Thanks,
Amina
Hi Kevin,
Great advice all around..thanks!
Here is my quick breakup story:
My ex and I dated for 14 months after meeting out at a bar event. We have great chemistry, similar interests, and both of us have graduated college and talked about settling down together. We had been talking about moving in together for the past several months, and she actually temporarily moved in with my for a few weeks. The problem is she moved in at a bad time, when I started a new management position with my job. So I wasn't home much, and didn't do the "little" things for her as much, as she stated. We unfortunately fought a decent amount during these couple weeks until I lightly brought up her moving out, and she actually did. We had on and off fights throughout the second half of our relationship mostly due to issues in my life and hers that we have since worked on tremendously. Also, the communication lines haven't been the greatest with her at times either. The bad timing of her moving in with me also came just after some issues with her current roommates. And the fighting grew to her leaving. This was 3 weeks ago, and since then I have seen her 3 times. You could say we went on 3 dates and everything went great, but there was not much affection. Since then, she mentioned that it's great to have me in her life still as a friend. And I have since taken that as a sign to go into no contact. Also, I can see if she really wants me badly enough to initiate contact and do nice things for me again, and ultimately be my girlfriend again. I've been in similar breakup situations before and used no contact to my benefit. So ever since this breakup, I have gone about my life doing everything that makes me happy. And taking more time to work out and improve myself. Any thoughts on my progress so far?
You are doing good and it was the right decision to start no contact. Follow the plan.
You are doing good and it was the right decision to start no contact. Follow the plan.
You are doing good and it was the right decision to start no contact. Follow the plan.
Hey Amina,
I can't say if he will contact you during no contact. Even if he doesn't you should get back in touch with him after no contact is over, provided you still want him back.
Hi Kevin,
Great advice all around..thanks!
Here is my quick breakup story:
My ex and I dated for 14 months after meeting out at a bar event. We have great chemistry, similar interests, and both of us have graduated college and talked about settling down together. We had been talking about moving in together for the past several months, and she actually temporarily moved in with my for a few weeks. The problem is she moved in at a bad time, when I started a new management position with my job. So I wasn't home much, and didn't do the "little" things for her as much, as she stated. We unfortunately fought a decent amount during these couple weeks until I lightly brought up her moving out, and she actually did. We had on and off fights throughout the second half of our relationship mostly due to issues in my life and hers that we have since worked on tremendously. Also, the communication lines haven't been the greatest with her at times either. The bad timing of her moving in with me also came just after some issues with her current roommates. And the fighting grew to her leaving. This was 3 weeks ago, and since then I have seen her 3 times. You could say we went on 3 dates and everything went great, but there was not much affection. Since then, she mentioned that it's great to have me in her life still as a friend. And I have since taken that as a sign to go into no contact. Also, I can see if she really wants me badly enough to initiate contact and do nice things for me again, and ultimately be my girlfriend again. I've been in similar breakup situations before and used no contact to my benefit. So ever since this breakup, I have gone about my life doing everything that makes me happy. And taking more time to work out and improve myself. Any thoughts on my progress so far?
Hey Amina,
I can't say if he will contact you during no contact. Even if he doesn't you should get back in touch with him after no contact is over, provided you still want him back.
Hi Kevin,
i write you from Italy... so here i go with a complicated story: i had a beautiful and lovingly 26 y.o. girlfriend on a different city (2 hrs away). I am a 43 y.o. attractive, experienced, young looking man with an 8 y.o. daughter that i grow up by my self (she has been abandoned when 1 y.o.). Our relation was really "top", we where both willing to move and live together, she adored my daughter and my daughter loved her. Yet, after 6 months of relation, where we both met each other families, before moving to her town, my ex went into a deep crisis about becoming my daughters new mom. This crisis went on for over a month with her crying, not sleeping, having stomach aches and blaming on her about her being "incomplete" and unable to handle the situation... it was a really bad time for her, and for me. This obviously disappointed me, but i was close to my ex trying to understand her and telling her its not her fault, it is the situation that is "big", that she is young and with time she could accept that better. At the end she left me (and my daughter). On the following weeks i entered into the "needy" state and contacted her (not often, about 5 times in the last 5 months). I also became paranoic and spied her FB page, and out of my frustration, i also insulted her after her last reject (what a stupid man!). On these contacts she always kept her position and always rejected me. In the meanwhile, i have done LOTS of self improvements (which i actually needed for myself), and i have arranged with my family to take care of my daughter 2 weeks per month as to have the space/time to have a "normal" private life -willingly with my ex- and without involving my daughter. I wanted my ex to now the changes and improvements i've made with myself and my life organization (which, believe me, are big), and as we are in different cities, i wrote her an elegant email, NOT pleading, yet excusing me of my last errors and thanking her for the beautiful relation we had and for the great things i made after because all of the emotions she gave me (positive and negative) "opened" my eyes to make my life better. I also told her that it is a pity that "this" renewed man is not on her arms. Yet, i had no response at all... In the past months she is having a lot of social life and i truly believe that she is dating other men. What i know is that i have never had such emotions before her, and that i really would like to have her back. Returning with her could also give me the opportunity to live a very very cool life in a very cool context in her town. Now, after her choice of leaving me (and the choice is an important one, it goes against her actual expectations in life), and after all her rejections, it is hard to believe i could get her back... what do you think?
Hey,
I think you have very little chance of getting her back unless she is ready to become a Mom to your daughter. You can try the 5 step plan and it might even work. But the original issue will still not be resolved. I'll recommend you concentrate your efforts in moving on.
Hey,
I think you have very little chance of getting her back unless she is ready to become a Mom to your daughter. You can try the 5 step plan and it might even work. But the original issue will still not be resolved. I'll recommend you concentrate your efforts in moving on.
I feel like I lost my best friend. Can we be friends or more?
Hi Kevin, thanks in advance for your time and advice!
I broke it off with my ex a couple of months ago. During that period of time we got back together as friends, slept together many times and had the same old abusive fights. Nothing changed! I wrote an email stating to her after our last big blow out, that it was no longer okay to say abusive things to me and to be verbally abusive! An agreement was made in harmony that we would move on and perhaps later be friends.
I came across your website and I have followed the no contact rule for 25 days now (although) I did see her from a distance at the park, she spotted me and drove off, an hour later she texted me with an apologize saying she could not speak right now but loved me. I never answered the text as I’m on the no contact rule.
She has seen me parked at the park a few times and has not stopped. She checks back an hour later to see if I’m still there and If I’m there she continues to drive by again without stopping.
I saw her one day at a fast food place and decided not to stop. I drove by slowly, I was unsure of what to do? She was sitting outside on the phone on in deep conversation. She waved hello and I waved back and I drove off. Since then I saw her at the park and she saw me and I drove off.
I have seen her in her car a few times and neither of us wave. In truth, I was looking for her at the park and when I see her I speed up to see if it is her so we can look at each other. I wanted to see her. I check my phone daily but no call or email.
I’m at the point of wanting to email her and say the way things are going feels dysfunctional and there needs to be some contact if we are to remain friends.
I went crazy inside last night and wanted to drive to her house and see if she was seeing someone but I pulled all my strength together and stopped myself from going there. I reminded myself that after sleep it would be better in the morning. So here I am writing this email to you that I hope you will answer.
I think of her all the time. She was my best friend and knows everything about me! That is both good and bad. I miss her a lot! I have not made a lot of real changes but I have cried a lot on and off.
I know I don’t want her back the way it was but I do want my best friend back. What do you suggest is the best thing I can do in this situation?
Do no contact for another 2-3 weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in this article.
Do no contact for another 2-3 weeks and then send her the letter mentioned in this article.
Hey Kevin,
My ex or girlfriend(don't know which to refer to her) and I have been together for 3 years. Four weeks ago she asked me in person if we can take a "break" with no contacts for a couple of months. The reasons she gave for wanting a break was because I was controlling and suffocating her. She said she needed time and space to spend with her family and friends. I told her that a "break" for a couple of months is a long time. She then asked if we should break up instead. Obviously, I didn't want to break up so I suggested that we could take a "break" like she wanted, but for a month and a half instead of a couple of months. We set up a date to meet in a month and a half for her to decide if we should continue this relationship or not. However, she said to not count on staying together after this break. That's why I wasn't sure if she wanted a break or an actual break up since she did suggested breaking up after I said the break she offered was too long. Whichever it is, I have been treating it as a break up instead of a "break". I haven't contacted her for a month ever since that conversation and had been working on myself by reevaluating the mistakes I made in the relationship. My question is, can I still apply these steps in this article in my situation? If so, should I write her a letter before we meet up? Your help is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Eric
Yeah. Don't be needy during that meeting after one and a half month. If you guys actually breakup, start no contact again for at least 2-3 weeks and follow the plan.
Yeah. Don't be needy during that meeting after one and a half month. If you guys actually breakup, start no contact again for at least 2-3 weeks and follow the plan.
Hey Kevin, advice por favor! I was with my girl for almost two years, her mom got sick, was in the hospital for a few weeks and i never got to visit her, after that my girl told me she needs to be alone for now? its been almost two months, have not heard from her.. at first i did all those mistakes that you mention on your article, sent a letter saying i am sorry, few texts.. Today is my 30 days of NC..Help me? thanks
Get back in touch with her. Use the texts or the letter.
Get back in touch with her. Use the texts or the letter.
how long will it take to post the comments and have a response? its already been around 3days since it posted my comments and i cant even either see it on the page.
Hey Nicky,
I am sorry but I can't find your comment. Do you mind posting it again over here. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
i broke up with my ex exactly one week today. i met him online and we both get attached with each other so easily. we were together for almost 3months and it was one of a kind, we admit we both feel things we never felt before even with our ex and done things we never thought we could do for each other.. we can say it was one of a kind.
but then we broke up because of the difference we see and the distance we have. iam an asian and he is european, plus we are 50km away from each other, at start we manage to fix things easily and we see each other during week ends and holidays but sometimes we just cant see each other because of family events. We argued the week end and got irritated with the messages i send him because i admit they were a lil bit many, then tuesday we talked face to face and he said he is willing to make it work, it was all fine that day, then thursday after his work he called me at phone to say he wants to ends it, i dont dont why, he doesnt want to explain much, he just said im sorry i asked him if there's something wrong or if i done somthing that made him hurt? he said nothing it was him, then put down the phone, i can feel that there's something bothering him..
i tried to convinced him to say what is was he just said he wants me to leave him alone, he doesnt want any explanations etc. i dont know if this will really wont work or is he is just confused and stressed because he always tell me that he is burned out from work and maybe a little bit of frustration because he's planning to find new job few months before we even met and he cant find a new one. their are times too that it seems that im compeating his ex gf (which they are together for 2yrs and seperate since 1year) their are things he doesnt want to do with me because he said he is avoiding it because that was one of the reasons why his ex and him broke up, is this just a way of protecting our relationship or it was he is afraid of something?
i dont understand what he wants too, he told me he doesnt want to stop seeing his friends just because he has now a girlfriend, then i understand that, i told him i dont wanna put him too in a isolated relationship, then now he argued that it was hard for him because od the distance, like he want to see me after work during weekdays, im seeing him after his work if i finish early at mine, but he said he dont want me to go that distance because he understands too how stressful driving in a traffic jam. i dont know what he wants. do you think he is just being realistic that it wont work or he is just confused and need space?
Hey Nicky,
I can't comment on why he broke up. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned. But yes he does need space and you'll be wise to give it to him.
I texted him this afternoon to wish her mom a happy mothers day for this sunday (the mothers day is a lil late at france) which he asked me to remind him for this day before our break up. He sais he's glad i thinked of him then asked me if i dont feel mad anymore because he broke up with me he said he just really dont wann to see me suffering thats why he made this decision. I refuse to comment about the break up i just told him that i just love talking to him then just asked him how he is doing so it will not be too awkward. Do you think i should do the nc for 30days? Or we can continue talking but just have to avoid talking about us?
I think you should apply no contact. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need space and time.
I think you should apply no contact. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need space and time.
I think you should apply no contact. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need space and time.
I think you should apply no contact. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need space and time.
I think you should apply no contact. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need space and time.
I think you should apply no contact. If you want, you can tell him before starting no contact that you need space and time.
I texted him this afternoon to wish her mom a happy mothers day for this sunday (the mothers day is a lil late at france) which he asked me to remind him for this day before our break up. He sais he's glad i thinked of him then asked me if i dont feel mad anymore because he broke up with me he said he just really dont wann to see me suffering thats why he made this decision. I refuse to comment about the break up i just told him that i just love talking to him then just asked him how he is doing so it will not be too awkward. Do you think i should do the nc for 30days? Or we can continue talking but just have to avoid talking about us?
I texted him this afternoon to wish her mom a happy mothers day for this sunday (the mothers day is a lil late at france) which he asked me to remind him for this day before our break up. He sais he's glad i thinked of him then asked me if i dont feel mad anymore because he broke up with me he said he just really dont wann to see me suffering thats why he made this decision. I refuse to comment about the break up i just told him that i just love talking to him then just asked him how he is doing so it will not be too awkward. Do you think i should do the nc for 30days? Or we can continue talking but just have to avoid talking about us?
I texted him this afternoon to wish her mom a happy mothers day for this sunday (the mothers day is a lil late at france) which he asked me to remind him for this day before our break up. He sais he's glad i thinked of him then asked me if i dont feel mad anymore because he broke up with me he said he just really dont wann to see me suffering thats why he made this decision. I refuse to comment about the break up i just told him that i just love talking to him then just asked him how he is doing so it will not be too awkward. Do you think i should do the nc for 30days? Or we can continue talking but just have to avoid talking about us?
I texted him this afternoon to wish her mom a happy mothers day for this sunday (the mothers day is a lil late at france) which he asked me to remind him for this day before our break up. He sais he's glad i thinked of him then asked me if i dont feel mad anymore because he broke up with me he said he just really dont wann to see me suffering thats why he made this decision. I refuse to comment about the break up i just told him that i just love talking to him then just asked him how he is doing so it will not be too awkward. Do you think i should do the nc for 30days? Or we can continue talking but just have to avoid talking about us?
Hey Nicky,
I can't comment on why he broke up. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned. But yes he does need space and you'll be wise to give it to him.
Hey Nicky,
I can't comment on why he broke up. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned. But yes he does need space and you'll be wise to give it to him.
Hey Nicky,
I can't comment on why he broke up. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned. But yes he does need space and you'll be wise to give it to him.
i broke up with my ex exactly one week today. i met him online and we both get attached with each other so easily. we were together for almost 3months and it was one of a kind, we admit we both feel things we never felt before even with our ex and done things we never thought we could do for each other.. we can say it was one of a kind.
but then we broke up because of the difference we see and the distance we have. iam an asian and he is european, plus we are 50km away from each other, at start we manage to fix things easily and we see each other during week ends and holidays but sometimes we just cant see each other because of family events. We argued the week end and got irritated with the messages i send him because i admit they were a lil bit many, then tuesday we talked face to face and he said he is willing to make it work, it was all fine that day, then thursday after his work he called me at phone to say he wants to ends it, i dont dont why, he doesnt want to explain much, he just said im sorry i asked him if there's something wrong or if i done somthing that made him hurt? he said nothing it was him, then put down the phone, i can feel that there's something bothering him..
i tried to convinced him to say what is was he just said he wants me to leave him alone, he doesnt want any explanations etc. i dont know if this will really wont work or is he is just confused and stressed because he always tell me that he is burned out from work and maybe a little bit of frustration because he's planning to find new job few months before we even met and he cant find a new one. their are times too that it seems that im compeating his ex gf (which they are together for 2yrs and seperate since 1year) their are things he doesnt want to do with me because he said he is avoiding it because that was one of the reasons why his ex and him broke up, is this just a way of protecting our relationship or it was he is afraid of something?
i dont understand what he wants too, he told me he doesnt want to stop seeing his friends just because he has now a girlfriend, then i understand that, i told him i dont wanna put him too in a isolated relationship, then now he argued that it was hard for him because od the distance, like he want to see me after work during weekdays, im seeing him after his work if i finish early at mine, but he said he dont want me to go that distance because he understands too how stressful driving in a traffic jam. i dont know what he wants. do you think he is just being realistic that it wont work or he is just confused and need space?
i broke up with my ex exactly one week today. i met him online and we both get attached with each other so easily. we were together for almost 3months and it was one of a kind, we admit we both feel things we never felt before even with our ex and done things we never thought we could do for each other.. we can say it was one of a kind.
but then we broke up because of the difference we see and the distance we have. iam an asian and he is european, plus we are 50km away from each other, at start we manage to fix things easily and we see each other during week ends and holidays but sometimes we just cant see each other because of family events. We argued the week end and got irritated with the messages i send him because i admit they were a lil bit many, then tuesday we talked face to face and he said he is willing to make it work, it was all fine that day, then thursday after his work he called me at phone to say he wants to ends it, i dont dont why, he doesnt want to explain much, he just said im sorry i asked him if there's something wrong or if i done somthing that made him hurt? he said nothing it was him, then put down the phone, i can feel that there's something bothering him..
i tried to convinced him to say what is was he just said he wants me to leave him alone, he doesnt want any explanations etc. i dont know if this will really wont work or is he is just confused and stressed because he always tell me that he is burned out from work and maybe a little bit of frustration because he's planning to find new job few months before we even met and he cant find a new one. their are times too that it seems that im compeating his ex gf (which they are together for 2yrs and seperate since 1year) their are things he doesnt want to do with me because he said he is avoiding it because that was one of the reasons why his ex and him broke up, is this just a way of protecting our relationship or it was he is afraid of something?
i dont understand what he wants too, he told me he doesnt want to stop seeing his friends just because he has now a girlfriend, then i understand that, i told him i dont wanna put him too in a isolated relationship, then now he argued that it was hard for him because od the distance, like he want to see me after work during weekdays, im seeing him after his work if i finish early at mine, but he said he dont want me to go that distance because he understands too how stressful driving in a traffic jam. i dont know what he wants. do you think he is just being realistic that it wont work or he is just confused and need space?
Hey Nicky,
I am sorry but I can't find your comment. Do you mind posting it again over here. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hi Kevin,
I just want to pick you brain on something. I waited 30 days after our break up before contacting my ex with a message like: "Hey, just went for a run this morning and saw a dog that look exactly the same as Lucky. Reminded me of the time we took Lucky for a run and she ran back home :) How have you been? Hope you've been well."
It took her 8 hours to reply with: "Hey I've been good thanks, keeping busy with work and stuff haha god to hear you're keeping up with jogs. How are you?" I then sent her a text and ended the conversation. Four days later I sent her a text with a picture of a postcard she sent me one time before we started dating with an inside joke, but she did not reply. Feeling annoyed I called her the following day to hang out as friends, but she said she is not ready to see me and does not know if she can be the friend I want her to be. She said maybe in another 6 months.
I just want to know, what can I do in this situation? Is there any possibility that she could change her mind about not wanting to see me? I just feel if I can get her to hang out with me I could be fun and stuff to try change her mind about us. Thanks.
Hey Paul,
You can wait another month and try again. This time, don't be so hasty in asking her to meet up.
Hi again Kevin,
I was thinking about waiting till sometime in July to contact her again. Texting didnt work out so well for me next time. I'm thinking of sending her a letter, but I am unsure whether this would be coming on too strong? Would she think that I am too desperate by sending a letter?
About a week after our break up, she was in contact with one of my female friends and when asked about our break up she said that "the break up was and is still hard on her but she feels that she has made the right decision." In your experience, do I still have a chance with her if she has said this?
Also does her resolve to stay apart from me get strong with time?
Thanks heaps Kevin for your help!
If you use the template in the 5 step plan, it doesn't come off as too strong. From this and your earlier comment, it seems to me she is pretty honest about how she feels and she is not trying to play any games and/or say something to make you jealous or win the breakup that most people do. I think your chances are less.
So is another month of no contact gonna help change her mind? I know her mind is made up at this point but if I would apply the 5 step program of yours would it help change her mind and push up my odds?
There's a small chance it will change her mind. But like I said before, don't keep your hopes up.
There's a small chance it will change her mind. But like I said before, don't keep your hopes up.
There's a small chance it will change her mind. But like I said before, don't keep your hopes up.
There's a small chance it will change her mind. But like I said before, don't keep your hopes up.
There's a small chance it will change her mind. But like I said before, don't keep your hopes up.
There's a small chance it will change her mind. But like I said before, don't keep your hopes up.
So is another month of no contact gonna help change her mind? I know her mind is made up at this point but if I would apply the 5 step program of yours would it help change her mind and push up my odds?
So is another month of no contact gonna help change her mind? I know her mind is made up at this point but if I would apply the 5 step program of yours would it help change her mind and push up my odds?
So is another month of no contact gonna help change her mind? I know her mind is made up at this point but if I would apply the 5 step program of yours would it help change her mind and push up my odds?
So is another month of no contact gonna help change her mind? I know her mind is made up at this point but if I would apply the 5 step program of yours would it help change her mind and push up my odds?
If you use the template in the 5 step plan, it doesn't come off as too strong. From this and your earlier comment, it seems to me she is pretty honest about how she feels and she is not trying to play any games and/or say something to make you jealous or win the breakup that most people do. I think your chances are less.
If you use the template in the 5 step plan, it doesn't come off as too strong. From this and your earlier comment, it seems to me she is pretty honest about how she feels and she is not trying to play any games and/or say something to make you jealous or win the breakup that most people do. I think your chances are less.
If you use the template in the 5 step plan, it doesn't come off as too strong. From this and your earlier comment, it seems to me she is pretty honest about how she feels and she is not trying to play any games and/or say something to make you jealous or win the breakup that most people do. I think your chances are less.
Hi again Kevin,
I was thinking about waiting till sometime in July to contact her again. Texting didnt work out so well for me next time. I'm thinking of sending her a letter, but I am unsure whether this would be coming on too strong? Would she think that I am too desperate by sending a letter?
About a week after our break up, she was in contact with one of my female friends and when asked about our break up she said that "the break up was and is still hard on her but she feels that she has made the right decision." In your experience, do I still have a chance with her if she has said this?
Also does her resolve to stay apart from me get strong with time?
Thanks heaps Kevin for your help!
Hi again Kevin,
I was thinking about waiting till sometime in July to contact her again. Texting didnt work out so well for me next time. I'm thinking of sending her a letter, but I am unsure whether this would be coming on too strong? Would she think that I am too desperate by sending a letter?
About a week after our break up, she was in contact with one of my female friends and when asked about our break up she said that "the break up was and is still hard on her but she feels that she has made the right decision." In your experience, do I still have a chance with her if she has said this?
Also does her resolve to stay apart from me get strong with time?
Thanks heaps Kevin for your help!
Hey Paul,
You can wait another month and try again. This time, don't be so hasty in asking her to meet up.
Hey Kevin,
I think my story might be a LITTLE different from everyone else in that it involves God. I mostly just need to get this off of my chest and vent. It's driving me crazy, and my heart (like everyone else) is completely shattered. I dated this guy for 8 months. It's long distance, so we didn't get to see eachother very often. However, we spoke every night on Skype, I'd say a minimum of 3 hours a day. He has issues with long distance. His last GF didn't work out mostly because they were long distance, but he always told me that they wouldn't have worked out anyway. He had been with her for 1.5 years. He has also told me before that his feelings for me are crazy, and that he's never loved anyone or connected with anyone as much as he has me. I basically felt like it was a soul mate kind of relationship. In fact, I knew that it was. I'm 28, and out of all the dudes I've dated, there's never been a connection like this. He felt the same way. When we met, we both said that it feels like we've known eachother forever and that we were in some sort of time warp. We even went as far as talking about going on a road trip to get hitched. He called it, "getting put on his health insurance". He is the one who initiated that talk. And we always, always talked like this was it and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together facing the ups and downs of life and traveling together, etc.. He just had to finish up school (he has 1.5 years left) and then we could be together.
He has broken up with me before, i'd say about 4 times. But each time it only lasted for a few hours- a day at the most. I'd cry, Because heck I was sad and it's hard not to....but he did also. He cried a lot. And he'd always come back and promise me it would be different. Alas, his insecurities of "long distance will never work" would always creep back.
This past breakup is a lot different. It was really strange how it happened. We were getting along great. I was being amazingly patient. We have never had bad arguments. This relationship is good. Kind, nurturing, we've never said a bad word about eachother. We made eachother laugh, and just connected. It just worked. Last Saturday night we talked. He told me that we do a great service to eachother by being there for eachother to vent the problems of our day. We then fell asleep on skype together like we normally did. Sunday came and when I got home from church I had a message from him that said "Hey, I love you". I replied with an "I love you" and after that....he said nothing. All day he was MIA. Then he didn't show up at night to talk. I started messaging him a lot. Usually when he decides he wants to breakup, he will disappear for a couple days and mope and think about it. Then last Monday after calling him alot, I finally received a message saying he can't do it anymore. That long distance was too much. I told him that I'd be willing to move up next to him if it was that big of a problem. I did every single thing you said not to do. I cried. Begged. Made a fool of myself. I talked him into thinking about it. So he said he was gonna take a break for a week. But instead of giving him space during his week, I bombarded him with phone calls and messages. In the beginning of the week (last tuesday), he was receptive. He answered me one night and I told him that I couldn't do it. That it hurts too bad and that I'm cutting all contact forever. He started to cry and say "Just give me a few days". And I'd say, "I don't want you to need a few days to figure out if you want to be with me." I cried, told him I loved him. Then hung up. He thought I was gone forever. He called me/texted/tried to contact me on skype for the next 10 minutes. I finally gave in and answered. He begged me not to leave. After an hour long talk, I told him I wouldn't. Things were good ( I thought ) and we fell asleep on skype together.
THEN BAM!!! The very next day I could tell he was having second thoughts. He tried to end it completely when I called him, but said he needed a break to figure things out. But he talked like it was completely over. Saying things like, "I'm not the end all....there will be others". Again, during his break, I did the opposite of what I should've done. I called tons of times. I left messages on his answering machine. I texted. and texted. AND TEXTED. This time, he wouldn't answer. No matter what. This made me crazy....I'm ashamed of how crazy and it just made me want to text him more. So I did. And he never truly had space away from me. Monday came, (yesterday) and I just couldn't take not knowing what was going on. So I called him. He answered on the second call. This time, he seemed so cold. Like detached and despondent. He had made his decision.
He is a religious guy. He said that he has never been closer to God than he is now, and he said he's been praying and feels like he is making the right decision. He says he knows because he's at peace. He says that there will be someone else in the future who will make us happier than we were with eachother. I asked him how he knew that God didn't just not want us together RIGHT NOW...and maybe he has plans for us to be together in the future. And he said..."Because, he is already starting to heal my heart".
I just want to say. I'm a religious person too. I believe in God. I've prayed to him and I feel the exact opposite. He just seemed like his mind can't be changed. Maybe it was because he never had a chance in the last 4 days to miss me. He had heard from me every single day during his break, regardless of the fact that he never talked to me. I guess I just went temporarily insane and thought if he didn't hear from me, that he'd forget me and move on. It has been a day since I've talked to him. I sent him a final email saying, "You saying God wants you to break up with me is a cop out...I deserve to know the real reason....". He never replied. But I didn't talk to him since that. I'm applying no contact.
Is there any chance that despite feeling like God is blessing his decision to leave me, that somehow there is a way that he'll miss me when I don't talk to him, and try to come back? If he has it in his mind to move on, isn't that what he will do when I don't talk to him? He said when we were breaking up that he still wants to know how I'm doing from time to time. He just needs space to "heal" and get over me. Ugh. If it's in his mind that we won't be together, I'm not sure if his mind will change. And that sucks!!! Any comments would be awesome, I feel like my heart has been ripped out and thrown on the ground/stomped on. I guess it's just extra crap to know that while I feel miserable, he feels like "God is already healing his heart" and he sees a future without me. He thinks God is blessing this decision, and I'm just like....geez. I wish I could feel numb and like my heart is being healed like he does. Do you have any input? I'd appreciate it Kevin. Reading everyone's stories also helps me take my mind off this heartbreak.
Hi kevin im heartbroken have been together with my boyfriend for 3 months as from last year and we broke up last year in august and this year he calls me apologising i forgive him because i love him soo much we p our relationship going smoothly from april until in july and last week he calls me i dont want me anymore in his life he goes with any reason he told me i used to demand soo much and force him to do something like greeting me in a romantic way and now he puts me on reject and i love him soo much i still want him back what can i do
If you guys had only been dating for a couple of months and the breakup happened quite some time ago, you may have to be mentally prepared that he has already moved on because the connection wasn't strong enough to keep him attached to you. In this instance, if he isn't even picking up your calls or has blocked you, then unfortunately, there isn't much that can be done because successfully reconnecting with an ex is still entirely dependent on how that person responds to you in the first place. If there is no interaction at all despite your attempts, then there isn't any connection being built with each other and it would honestly be a better idea to simply let go.
If you guys had only been dating for a couple of months and the breakup happened quite some time ago, you may have to be mentally prepared that he has already moved on because the connection wasn't strong enough to keep him attached to you. In this instance, if he isn't even picking up your calls or has blocked you, then unfortunately, there isn't much that can be done because successfully reconnecting with an ex is still entirely dependent on how that person responds to you in the first place. If there is no interaction at all despite your attempts, then there isn't any connection being built with each other and it would honestly be a better idea to simply let go.
If you guys had only been dating for a couple of months and the breakup happened quite some time ago, you may have to be mentally prepared that he has already moved on because the connection wasn't strong enough to keep him attached to you. In this instance, if he isn't even picking up your calls or has blocked you, then unfortunately, there isn't much that can be done because successfully reconnecting with an ex is still entirely dependent on how that person responds to you in the first place. If there is no interaction at all despite your attempts, then there isn't any connection being built with each other and it would honestly be a better idea to simply let go.
Yes, there's a chance he will still miss you. Of course, there's no guarantee. If you don't show any signs of neediness, he might change his mind about you and perhaps he will see that as a sign from God as well. Follow the 5 step plan.
Kevin, gahhh. It's only been 3 days since the official break up (and of NC) and I'm having a hard time not contacting him. I had signed out of everything on my computer so I wouldn't think about it, but just a bit ago decided to sign into yahoo (where we used to talk alot) and when I saw I had no messages from him, I can't stop thinking oh crap. He is sticking to his decision, and will never change his mind. Otherwise...he would've contacted me by now. The last time we broke up he had told me that if I let him go, he would've been crawling back within 2 days anyway. This just seems very permanent. And I have a secret worry that by continuing the NC, he will get used to not talking to me and realize he is perfectly fine without me, and that God is "blessing" his decision. Before this we talked EVERYDAY!! Oh and it's also not helpful that I found this: http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/4-reasons-to-contact-your-ex-today/ ....is that theory a bunch of crap? I think I really just need someone to slap some sense into me, and inject my heart with a buttload of morphine.
Hey Natalie,
It's OK if he gets used to not talking to you (I'm not saying he will though). And it's important that you get used to not having him in your life. Your relationship is over. And you should get used to not talking to each other. If you two do get back together, it'll be a new relationship.
And I agree with that article. Communication is important. But the fact is, you are probably not in a state of mind where you can communicate with him in a way that will resolve the issues and make him attracted to you enough. The article assumes that once you close lines of communications, it'll never open again. You'll open the lines of communication again. With more confidence and the ability to resolve any conflicts without getting into explosive arguments. And if he contacts you during no contact, you can just tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup. This will let him know that you are not stopping communication forever.
I totally agree with you Kevin. If he messaged me now and I replied, I'd be a clingy mess. A month is definitely necessary. Each day is still so hard, but I've made it to 5 days NC, and I'm kinda proud. It's hard not to think about him, and the thought of him just being completely OK with this breakup while I'm miserable sucks so bad. I have another question for you that has kind of been running through my mind. Does it change things if when he was breaking up with me he told me that I should see other people if it would help me move on (when he had always been kinda a jealous guy before that) AND when I said something about his voice he said "No, you need to forget my voice"... I know for a fact that he pictured us being together for the rest of our lives before all of this crap. Do you THINK him saying that stuff means he really wants me to move on and there is no hope for us? I know it's impossible to say for sure, but it seems like the more I think about it, the less chance I think we have of getting back together. Do you remember of any cases where someone told you that their ex said that they should see other people if it helps them move on? There's also the other thought I have of maybe he met some girl up there while we were going out, and decided it was easier since she was there. And now this breakup is easier for him because he has someone else to take his mind off of me. Ugh, I freaking hate my mind right now!!! Sometimes I think I'm doing good, but then BAM I'll think about it again. But typing here helps a little, even if temporarily...
People say a lot of things they don't mean during a breakup. Yes, I've come across such cases where they got back together after saying something like this. And yes, you are right, it'll be easier for him to deal with the breakup if he has another girl. But he will not be able to get over you. Rebound relationships do provide comfort, but they don't really help in getting over your ex. So in a way, you will have the advantage because you would've gone through the grief, the obsessiveness, and all the other phases of the breakup while he would still be confused, hurt, and maybe even miserable because he never had time to grieve the breakup.
People say a lot of things they don't mean during a breakup. Yes, I've come across such cases where they got back together after saying something like this. And yes, you are right, it'll be easier for him to deal with the breakup if he has another girl. But he will not be able to get over you. Rebound relationships do provide comfort, but they don't really help in getting over your ex. So in a way, you will have the advantage because you would've gone through the grief, the obsessiveness, and all the other phases of the breakup while he would still be confused, hurt, and maybe even miserable because he never had time to grieve the breakup.
People say a lot of things they don't mean during a breakup. Yes, I've come across such cases where they got back together after saying something like this. And yes, you are right, it'll be easier for him to deal with the breakup if he has another girl. But he will not be able to get over you. Rebound relationships do provide comfort, but they don't really help in getting over your ex. So in a way, you will have the advantage because you would've gone through the grief, the obsessiveness, and all the other phases of the breakup while he would still be confused, hurt, and maybe even miserable because he never had time to grieve the breakup.
People say a lot of things they don't mean during a breakup. Yes, I've come across such cases where they got back together after saying something like this. And yes, you are right, it'll be easier for him to deal with the breakup if he has another girl. But he will not be able to get over you. Rebound relationships do provide comfort, but they don't really help in getting over your ex. So in a way, you will have the advantage because you would've gone through the grief, the obsessiveness, and all the other phases of the breakup while he would still be confused, hurt, and maybe even miserable because he never had time to grieve the breakup.
People say a lot of things they don't mean during a breakup. Yes, I've come across such cases where they got back together after saying something like this. And yes, you are right, it'll be easier for him to deal with the breakup if he has another girl. But he will not be able to get over you. Rebound relationships do provide comfort, but they don't really help in getting over your ex. So in a way, you will have the advantage because you would've gone through the grief, the obsessiveness, and all the other phases of the breakup while he would still be confused, hurt, and maybe even miserable because he never had time to grieve the breakup.
People say a lot of things they don't mean during a breakup. Yes, I've come across such cases where they got back together after saying something like this. And yes, you are right, it'll be easier for him to deal with the breakup if he has another girl. But he will not be able to get over you. Rebound relationships do provide comfort, but they don't really help in getting over your ex. So in a way, you will have the advantage because you would've gone through the grief, the obsessiveness, and all the other phases of the breakup while he would still be confused, hurt, and maybe even miserable because he never had time to grieve the breakup.
I totally agree with you Kevin. If he messaged me now and I replied, I'd be a clingy mess. A month is definitely necessary. Each day is still so hard, but I've made it to 5 days NC, and I'm kinda proud. It's hard not to think about him, and the thought of him just being completely OK with this breakup while I'm miserable sucks so bad. I have another question for you that has kind of been running through my mind. Does it change things if when he was breaking up with me he told me that I should see other people if it would help me move on (when he had always been kinda a jealous guy before that) AND when I said something about his voice he said "No, you need to forget my voice"... I know for a fact that he pictured us being together for the rest of our lives before all of this crap. Do you THINK him saying that stuff means he really wants me to move on and there is no hope for us? I know it's impossible to say for sure, but it seems like the more I think about it, the less chance I think we have of getting back together. Do you remember of any cases where someone told you that their ex said that they should see other people if it helps them move on? There's also the other thought I have of maybe he met some girl up there while we were going out, and decided it was easier since she was there. And now this breakup is easier for him because he has someone else to take his mind off of me. Ugh, I freaking hate my mind right now!!! Sometimes I think I'm doing good, but then BAM I'll think about it again. But typing here helps a little, even if temporarily...
I totally agree with you Kevin. If he messaged me now and I replied, I'd be a clingy mess. A month is definitely necessary. Each day is still so hard, but I've made it to 5 days NC, and I'm kinda proud. It's hard not to think about him, and the thought of him just being completely OK with this breakup while I'm miserable sucks so bad. I have another question for you that has kind of been running through my mind. Does it change things if when he was breaking up with me he told me that I should see other people if it would help me move on (when he had always been kinda a jealous guy before that) AND when I said something about his voice he said "No, you need to forget my voice"... I know for a fact that he pictured us being together for the rest of our lives before all of this crap. Do you THINK him saying that stuff means he really wants me to move on and there is no hope for us? I know it's impossible to say for sure, but it seems like the more I think about it, the less chance I think we have of getting back together. Do you remember of any cases where someone told you that their ex said that they should see other people if it helps them move on? There's also the other thought I have of maybe he met some girl up there while we were going out, and decided it was easier since she was there. And now this breakup is easier for him because he has someone else to take his mind off of me. Ugh, I freaking hate my mind right now!!! Sometimes I think I'm doing good, but then BAM I'll think about it again. But typing here helps a little, even if temporarily...
I totally agree with you Kevin. If he messaged me now and I replied, I'd be a clingy mess. A month is definitely necessary. Each day is still so hard, but I've made it to 5 days NC, and I'm kinda proud. It's hard not to think about him, and the thought of him just being completely OK with this breakup while I'm miserable sucks so bad. I have another question for you that has kind of been running through my mind. Does it change things if when he was breaking up with me he told me that I should see other people if it would help me move on (when he had always been kinda a jealous guy before that) AND when I said something about his voice he said "No, you need to forget my voice"... I know for a fact that he pictured us being together for the rest of our lives before all of this crap. Do you THINK him saying that stuff means he really wants me to move on and there is no hope for us? I know it's impossible to say for sure, but it seems like the more I think about it, the less chance I think we have of getting back together. Do you remember of any cases where someone told you that their ex said that they should see other people if it helps them move on? There's also the other thought I have of maybe he met some girl up there while we were going out, and decided it was easier since she was there. And now this breakup is easier for him because he has someone else to take his mind off of me. Ugh, I freaking hate my mind right now!!! Sometimes I think I'm doing good, but then BAM I'll think about it again. But typing here helps a little, even if temporarily...
I totally agree with you Kevin. If he messaged me now and I replied, I'd be a clingy mess. A month is definitely necessary. Each day is still so hard, but I've made it to 5 days NC, and I'm kinda proud. It's hard not to think about him, and the thought of him just being completely OK with this breakup while I'm miserable sucks so bad. I have another question for you that has kind of been running through my mind. Does it change things if when he was breaking up with me he told me that I should see other people if it would help me move on (when he had always been kinda a jealous guy before that) AND when I said something about his voice he said "No, you need to forget my voice"... I know for a fact that he pictured us being together for the rest of our lives before all of this crap. Do you THINK him saying that stuff means he really wants me to move on and there is no hope for us? I know it's impossible to say for sure, but it seems like the more I think about it, the less chance I think we have of getting back together. Do you remember of any cases where someone told you that their ex said that they should see other people if it helps them move on? There's also the other thought I have of maybe he met some girl up there while we were going out, and decided it was easier since she was there. And now this breakup is easier for him because he has someone else to take his mind off of me. Ugh, I freaking hate my mind right now!!! Sometimes I think I'm doing good, but then BAM I'll think about it again. But typing here helps a little, even if temporarily...
Hey Natalie,
It's OK if he gets used to not talking to you (I'm not saying he will though). And it's important that you get used to not having him in your life. Your relationship is over. And you should get used to not talking to each other. If you two do get back together, it'll be a new relationship.
And I agree with that article. Communication is important. But the fact is, you are probably not in a state of mind where you can communicate with him in a way that will resolve the issues and make him attracted to you enough. The article assumes that once you close lines of communications, it'll never open again. You'll open the lines of communication again. With more confidence and the ability to resolve any conflicts without getting into explosive arguments. And if he contacts you during no contact, you can just tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup. This will let him know that you are not stopping communication forever.
Hey Natalie,
It's OK if he gets used to not talking to you (I'm not saying he will though). And it's important that you get used to not having him in your life. Your relationship is over. And you should get used to not talking to each other. If you two do get back together, it'll be a new relationship.
And I agree with that article. Communication is important. But the fact is, you are probably not in a state of mind where you can communicate with him in a way that will resolve the issues and make him attracted to you enough. The article assumes that once you close lines of communications, it'll never open again. You'll open the lines of communication again. With more confidence and the ability to resolve any conflicts without getting into explosive arguments. And if he contacts you during no contact, you can just tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup. This will let him know that you are not stopping communication forever.
Hey Natalie,
It's OK if he gets used to not talking to you (I'm not saying he will though). And it's important that you get used to not having him in your life. Your relationship is over. And you should get used to not talking to each other. If you two do get back together, it'll be a new relationship.
And I agree with that article. Communication is important. But the fact is, you are probably not in a state of mind where you can communicate with him in a way that will resolve the issues and make him attracted to you enough. The article assumes that once you close lines of communications, it'll never open again. You'll open the lines of communication again. With more confidence and the ability to resolve any conflicts without getting into explosive arguments. And if he contacts you during no contact, you can just tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup. This will let him know that you are not stopping communication forever.
Kevin, gahhh. It's only been 3 days since the official break up (and of NC) and I'm having a hard time not contacting him. I had signed out of everything on my computer so I wouldn't think about it, but just a bit ago decided to sign into yahoo (where we used to talk alot) and when I saw I had no messages from him, I can't stop thinking oh crap. He is sticking to his decision, and will never change his mind. Otherwise...he would've contacted me by now. The last time we broke up he had told me that if I let him go, he would've been crawling back within 2 days anyway. This just seems very permanent. And I have a secret worry that by continuing the NC, he will get used to not talking to me and realize he is perfectly fine without me, and that God is "blessing" his decision. Before this we talked EVERYDAY!! Oh and it's also not helpful that I found this: http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/4-reasons-to-contact-your-ex-today/ ....is that theory a bunch of crap? I think I really just need someone to slap some sense into me, and inject my heart with a buttload of morphine.
Kevin, gahhh. It's only been 3 days since the official break up (and of NC) and I'm having a hard time not contacting him. I had signed out of everything on my computer so I wouldn't think about it, but just a bit ago decided to sign into yahoo (where we used to talk alot) and when I saw I had no messages from him, I can't stop thinking oh crap. He is sticking to his decision, and will never change his mind. Otherwise...he would've contacted me by now. The last time we broke up he had told me that if I let him go, he would've been crawling back within 2 days anyway. This just seems very permanent. And I have a secret worry that by continuing the NC, he will get used to not talking to me and realize he is perfectly fine without me, and that God is "blessing" his decision. Before this we talked EVERYDAY!! Oh and it's also not helpful that I found this: http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/4-reasons-to-contact-your-ex-today/ ....is that theory a bunch of crap? I think I really just need someone to slap some sense into me, and inject my heart with a buttload of morphine.
Hi kevin im heartbroken have been together with my boyfriend for 3 months as from last year and we broke up last year in august and this year he calls me apologising i forgive him because i love him soo much we p our relationship going smoothly from april until in july and last week he calls me i dont want me anymore in his life he goes with any reason he told me i used to demand soo much and force him to do something like greeting me in a romantic way and now he puts me on reject and i love him soo much i still want him back what can i do
Yes, there's a chance he will still miss you. Of course, there's no guarantee. If you don't show any signs of neediness, he might change his mind about you and perhaps he will see that as a sign from God as well. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi, I was curious did you get my comment that I left? I would really love some perspective. Thank you so much.
Hey John,
I can't find your comment. Do you mind posting again. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hey John,
I can't find your comment. Do you mind posting again. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hi Kevin!
Thanks for your website. It had really helped me. I want to share shortly my story and want to hear your opinion about it.
We dated with my boyfriend 2,5 years, which half year we were engaged. Suddenly, out of nowhere my bf called me and told that he has been thinking about us and thought he doesn't want to continue. He said he has feelings for me but he was tired. I was trying to figure out what was going and realize why my bf was tired. Before he break up, I saw him with a girl whom he had get known that time when he said he doesnt want to continue.
After three weeks our break up, I heard from bf sister that new girl and my ex has something going on and I was ripped apart. I was trying suicide( not smart move I know) but the pain was too much then. I met my bf in hospital and he was angry at me. We talked and he said he didn't planned to get with new girl. He told me that after we break-up, they slept together. After this, we kept in touch. My ex send me message that I was right when I said to my bf tht it was unfair that he decided all alone to end our relationship. He told me that he has feelings for me and he misses me. But he was hanging out with this new girlfriend. I asked about the new relationship what was it. He told me that they are dating but officially. Its now been 5 months our break up, I'm still hurting and trying to go forward in life but my ex is still in my heart and doesn't go away. I have been two weeks NC and I just wondering if my ex has really move on with his new girl and am I wasting my time. All what I remember what my ex had said, that he is confused that he has feelings for two girls, he said he knows its hard for me that he is with that girl, and he has said that he remember good memories of us. Sorry for big post!
Hey,
I think his new relationship is a rebound.
Hey,
I think his new relationship is a rebound.
Hey Kevin.
So my sons mom told me she wanted to work things out then found a boyfriend. Like most people I ahowed desperation and neediness. I asked if she would rhink abiut us getting back together and she said maybe if I left her to think without bugging her. So I did and on her last break at work today she texted me and said I was awfully quiet. What do you think she is getting at with that statement? I just told her I didn't want to bug her
It just meant that she was missing you and wanted to hear from you.
It just meant that she was missing you and wanted to hear from you.
Kevin,
So my month has passed. We have started talking again! She wants to get together and talk! She said she misses me, asked me if I thought the breakup was a mistake via text and I responded that isn't something we should talk about via text. She agreed and we are getting together for lunch. I suggested we meet in person and she said ya we can get together. Then she sent me a pic of us that she found… she thinking of me, good signs. Then about an hr later when we were setting up the day to meet she says. "Ive been through a lot of thinking and in no way am I trying to get your hopes up, but you did say not to be a stranger... right? ( I told her that as my instinctual mistake when the breakup happened) I played it cool and said no worries my hopes weren't up. Its just us getting together to talk.
She follows up with.. "I'll explain everything when we meet in person. I think I just really need a friend. I haven't been able to share things with anyone like I have with you (referring to when we were bf and gf). Only my mom. Haven't talked to (her close girl friend's name) in about 2 weeks.
I don't want to get stuck in the friend zone. I am still hopeful but how do I make sure I don't get stuck there… Over the last month I have improved myself a lot and I really think she is going to see a huge difference. I know what I am asking is up above also but I wanted to get your insight into my situation and to help the other readers as well if they are in a similar situation. We are meeting up Sat. afternoon.
She still has some pictures up on fb of us, one where I am kissing her cheek and hugging her and another one with her family and she hasn't removed her "in a relationship" on fb. All good things, she is just going through a hard time and doesn't want to be in a relationship, there isn't a bother guy at least thats what she told me and I know her character enough that she is sincere on that. She told me I m a great guy and she loves me just isn't in love with me. She said babe in the texts too. I just do not want to get stuck after saturday in the dreaded friend zone… I'm sure you can understand. I love her with all my heart and when her and I get back together Im never letting her go again.
Thanks in advance Kevin!
Hey Bob,
As long as she doesn't start talking about other guys with you and start asking your opinion on what to do in her new relationship, you are not in the friend zone.
Ok sounds good. She also posted on fb one of those picture messages that says, "One Day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else." Her comment to it was One can only hope. Any insight into this?
She seems to be flip flopping and almost dying to find herself..
During NC, she missed me and even questioned the breakup (asked me if I thought it was a mistake) I haven't been in contact with her since we last talked on Monday. After the lunch on Saturday I should text her and keep the flow going… Im basically starting new with her.. If she's cold, start NC again for a couple to a few weeks and then send a letter?
Don't over-analyze her facebook statuses. It doesn't help you in any way. If you've already sent the letter, don't send it again. If she's cold, back off a little bit and send a text.
Ok good deal. She bailed on lunch this weekend. I think due to the fact that it is Memorial Day weekend, she's out having fun. She did call and text me saying she misses me and that she was going up to Tahoe for her cousins b-day and wants to set something up to meet when she gets back. She told me to call her, the next day as I didn't get her call or texts because I was asleep.
I called the next day, no answer. So I texted and I said, "Ive been super busy lately and was asleep when you called and texted. Ive been at work but wanted to call you as you said. I know you like to sleep in so I didn't want to call too early. If I don't talk to you before you leave for Tahoe. Have fun, be safe. Say Hi to the Fam and ya lets set something up when you get back."
I also don't think she is in Tahoe… Do you think I have anything to worry about here?
Can I text her when the Holiday weekend is over, "How was your holiday weekend?"
As always your insights are greatly appreciated.
Nothing to worry about. The text sounds good. Although, I'll recommend you wait a couple of days before sending the text. Give her some time to reach out to you first after her holidays are over.
Nothing to worry about. The text sounds good. Although, I'll recommend you wait a couple of days before sending the text. Give her some time to reach out to you first after her holidays are over.
Nothing to worry about. The text sounds good. Although, I'll recommend you wait a couple of days before sending the text. Give her some time to reach out to you first after her holidays are over.
Nothing to worry about. The text sounds good. Although, I'll recommend you wait a couple of days before sending the text. Give her some time to reach out to you first after her holidays are over.
Nothing to worry about. The text sounds good. Although, I'll recommend you wait a couple of days before sending the text. Give her some time to reach out to you first after her holidays are over.
Nothing to worry about. The text sounds good. Although, I'll recommend you wait a couple of days before sending the text. Give her some time to reach out to you first after her holidays are over.
Ok good deal. She bailed on lunch this weekend. I think due to the fact that it is Memorial Day weekend, she's out having fun. She did call and text me saying she misses me and that she was going up to Tahoe for her cousins b-day and wants to set something up to meet when she gets back. She told me to call her, the next day as I didn't get her call or texts because I was asleep.
I called the next day, no answer. So I texted and I said, "Ive been super busy lately and was asleep when you called and texted. Ive been at work but wanted to call you as you said. I know you like to sleep in so I didn't want to call too early. If I don't talk to you before you leave for Tahoe. Have fun, be safe. Say Hi to the Fam and ya lets set something up when you get back."
I also don't think she is in Tahoe… Do you think I have anything to worry about here?
Can I text her when the Holiday weekend is over, "How was your holiday weekend?"
As always your insights are greatly appreciated.
Ok good deal. She bailed on lunch this weekend. I think due to the fact that it is Memorial Day weekend, she's out having fun. She did call and text me saying she misses me and that she was going up to Tahoe for her cousins b-day and wants to set something up to meet when she gets back. She told me to call her, the next day as I didn't get her call or texts because I was asleep.
I called the next day, no answer. So I texted and I said, "Ive been super busy lately and was asleep when you called and texted. Ive been at work but wanted to call you as you said. I know you like to sleep in so I didn't want to call too early. If I don't talk to you before you leave for Tahoe. Have fun, be safe. Say Hi to the Fam and ya lets set something up when you get back."
I also don't think she is in Tahoe… Do you think I have anything to worry about here?
Can I text her when the Holiday weekend is over, "How was your holiday weekend?"
As always your insights are greatly appreciated.
Ok good deal. She bailed on lunch this weekend. I think due to the fact that it is Memorial Day weekend, she's out having fun. She did call and text me saying she misses me and that she was going up to Tahoe for her cousins b-day and wants to set something up to meet when she gets back. She told me to call her, the next day as I didn't get her call or texts because I was asleep.
I called the next day, no answer. So I texted and I said, "Ive been super busy lately and was asleep when you called and texted. Ive been at work but wanted to call you as you said. I know you like to sleep in so I didn't want to call too early. If I don't talk to you before you leave for Tahoe. Have fun, be safe. Say Hi to the Fam and ya lets set something up when you get back."
I also don't think she is in Tahoe… Do you think I have anything to worry about here?
Can I text her when the Holiday weekend is over, "How was your holiday weekend?"
As always your insights are greatly appreciated.
Ok good deal. She bailed on lunch this weekend. I think due to the fact that it is Memorial Day weekend, she's out having fun. She did call and text me saying she misses me and that she was going up to Tahoe for her cousins b-day and wants to set something up to meet when she gets back. She told me to call her, the next day as I didn't get her call or texts because I was asleep.
I called the next day, no answer. So I texted and I said, "Ive been super busy lately and was asleep when you called and texted. Ive been at work but wanted to call you as you said. I know you like to sleep in so I didn't want to call too early. If I don't talk to you before you leave for Tahoe. Have fun, be safe. Say Hi to the Fam and ya lets set something up when you get back."
I also don't think she is in Tahoe… Do you think I have anything to worry about here?
Can I text her when the Holiday weekend is over, "How was your holiday weekend?"
As always your insights are greatly appreciated.
*She seems to be flip flopping and almost *trying* to find herself*
Sorry for the typo
Don't over-analyze her facebook statuses. It doesn't help you in any way. If you've already sent the letter, don't send it again. If she's cold, back off a little bit and send a text.
*She seems to be flip flopping and almost *trying* to find herself*
Sorry for the typo
Don't over-analyze her facebook statuses. It doesn't help you in any way. If you've already sent the letter, don't send it again. If she's cold, back off a little bit and send a text.
*She seems to be flip flopping and almost *trying* to find herself*
Sorry for the typo
Don't over-analyze her facebook statuses. It doesn't help you in any way. If you've already sent the letter, don't send it again. If she's cold, back off a little bit and send a text.
*She seems to be flip flopping and almost *trying* to find herself*
Sorry for the typo
Ok sounds good. She also posted on fb one of those picture messages that says, "One Day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else." Her comment to it was One can only hope. Any insight into this?
She seems to be flip flopping and almost dying to find herself..
During NC, she missed me and even questioned the breakup (asked me if I thought it was a mistake) I haven't been in contact with her since we last talked on Monday. After the lunch on Saturday I should text her and keep the flow going… Im basically starting new with her.. If she's cold, start NC again for a couple to a few weeks and then send a letter?
Ok sounds good. She also posted on fb one of those picture messages that says, "One Day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else." Her comment to it was One can only hope. Any insight into this?
She seems to be flip flopping and almost dying to find herself..
During NC, she missed me and even questioned the breakup (asked me if I thought it was a mistake) I haven't been in contact with her since we last talked on Monday. After the lunch on Saturday I should text her and keep the flow going… Im basically starting new with her.. If she's cold, start NC again for a couple to a few weeks and then send a letter?
And after the talk am I good to keep texting her with the type of texts mentioned in the article? Or would you say it depends on how the lunch goes?
Keep texting. If she is cold, back off for a while. If she warm, keep going with the flow.
Keep texting. If she is cold, back off for a while. If she warm, keep going with the flow.
Keep texting. If she is cold, back off for a while. If she warm, keep going with the flow.
Hey Bob,
As long as she doesn't start talking about other guys with you and start asking your opinion on what to do in her new relationship, you are not in the friend zone.
And after the talk am I good to keep texting her with the type of texts mentioned in the article? Or would you say it depends on how the lunch goes?
Kevin,
Me and my ex dated for 2 years. She broke up with 3 months ago and then immediately started dating my best friend. The thing is the last month I was depressed with the direction my life was headed. I became negative and started developing bad habits. Smoking, not cleaning . I cared about her but was do lost I didn't show it . Since the break up I have been working out daily and now am the happiest I have ever been. I am now working towards life long dreams daily. During my transformation I wanted to let her know how I was doing do I sent long texts called, but she has not responded. I want to show her I am a new man but I don't think she will ever talk to me again. Do you have advice. I am 32 and she is 28.
Thanks,
Aaron
Wait another month. Send the letter mentioned in the article. If still nothing, wait another two weeks and send the "something reminded me of you" text.
Wait another month. Send the letter mentioned in the article. If still nothing, wait another two weeks and send the "something reminded me of you" text.
Okay so my boyfriend of 3 and a half years and I broke up back in December because he found out that I had hooked up with another person when we were taking a break about 8 months prior to him finding out. He and I both wanted to talk through things and figure things out but we did not have much time for us to talk about it before I had to return back to school so we just had to end things. Less than a month later he starts dating a new girl and she makes him block me out of his life from everything (his phone, twitter, Facebook, everything). He has been dating her for about 4 months now and it appears that a lot of the time he just picked up their relationship where ours left off but I don't know. Anyways so recently I have gotten back from school again and we have been secretly hanging out together. The first few times nothing happened but the couple after that we ended up kissing which led to sex. This is while he is still dating the other girl. A few days later he breaks up with his girlfriend and has me come over and spend the night. He also invited me to go spend time with his family the next day but then took it back because he didn't want his family to ask a billion questions about why he's hanging around me again so soon which is understandable. And then the day after that he came to my place and stayed the night, and we made breakfast together the next day. We have had so much fun together since I have been home and now him and his girl friend are broken up. However he has not texted me since before work the day after he spent the night. I'm just wondering what I need to do to get him to see that he still loves me, he has told me he still cares about me but he is just confused about what to do. I know he doesn't want to hurt her but that's just the kind of person he is, I don't know what to do to show him that he still loves me. Give me some advice please!
Don't sleep with him again unless he commits. Don't show any signs of neediness. Let him take his time to decide.
Don't sleep with him again unless he commits. Don't show any signs of neediness. Let him take his time to decide.
Hi Kevin
So basically we're broken up 3 months..we have not had a no contact period. We were hanging out kissing and seeing each other. Things got a bit rough recently we fought over getting back together and she told me she didn't want the relationship and that soon she would be getting back out there. This was last week so I told her I needed to break contact to get myself happy. Now Iv been doing good have some dates lined up. I still miss her terribly. Have I blown my chances with her because we never had a no contact period until now and after the things she said? What should my next step be? Appreciate the advice
Jay
You still have a chance. Send her the letter mentioned in the article.
You still have a chance. Send her the letter mentioned in the article.
Kevin,
My ex and I have been divorced for almost 5 years. I still love him and I have constantly emailed him, texted him, used our child as an excuse to talk to him and often been mean and vindictive. He is now with someone else and he keeps her from our child. We barely communicate and he hates me. How can I get him back? I just apologized for my actions and hatefulness. Please help me
It's hard to say missy. In my opinion, 5 years is a long time and you should try to move on right now. Your chances of getting him back are very less. If you still want to pursue him, apply no contact for six months, make a lot of positive changes in your life. Send him the letter mentioned in the article. And follow the rest of the steps in the plan. But like I said before, your chances are less.
It's hard to say missy. In my opinion, 5 years is a long time and you should try to move on right now. Your chances of getting him back are very less. If you still want to pursue him, apply no contact for six months, make a lot of positive changes in your life. Send him the letter mentioned in the article. And follow the rest of the steps in the plan. But like I said before, your chances are less.
Hi Kevin,
My ex and I we're together over a year but only officially together for 5 months. We were so happy together and everyone knew we were going to get married and people who didn't know us always thought I was his wife. I broke up wit him January 30th (it's now may 20) and I have been miserable ever since. I broke up with him because I saw text messages with him flirting with other women and I didn't want to stick around to see if he would act on them. Immediately after I broke up with him we didn't talk for a few days then he came to my house and we talked about working things out but didn't get back together officially. Everything was great even better than before. One day he saw a male friend of mine and I coming out of my house and I just knew it was done. He was fine until my friend left and packed up his things from my house and texted me we should just be friends. I was devastated because the guy and I never had anything going on and I had told my ex about him before. I have been needy checking his twitter and Instagram, leaving voicemails and sending him text after text. I tried the no contact rule and he then texted me and we hung out at his house. He then said he wanted us to be REAL FRIENDS and that he didn't fall out of love with me but he just suppressed his feelings for me because he wasn't ready for a relationship. So I agreed and he said he wasn't leaving my life unless I put him out. He is talking to someone new who lives out of state and the talk everyday and i am worried that we are really done. I am starting the no contact rule again until June 30th. I am worried because he travels for work and he will be in the state this lady lives in for two days although not the same city and I just don't know what to think. Do you think there is still a chance I can get him back?
There's a good chance. Read the 5 step plan.
There's a good chance. Read the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
My boyfriend dumped me a week ago after a 3 and a half year relationship. The relationship ended due to long distance but we've been lucky as we went to the same school previously and we were still able to see each other in our free time (I had to be the one to see him most of the time due to complications). We broke up once before but it was a mutual decision but both realised soon after this was a mistake and I did do no contact for 2 weeks and we got back together because he was still mad about me. But this time the break up is official for a lot of reasons, he's also busy and doesn't have the time for me, I guess he had enough of my moaning and ended it . He used to tell me things such as 'he wants to marry me' etc but anyway he ended it by saying there was too much stress and I had my own issues to sort out and that he doesn't love me anymore and deserve better (cliché). He actually said 'it's not you it's me' (i totally couldn't believe those words came out his mouth). But anyway, I know we had a good relationship but because he didn't put enough effort it and just gave up on us, I'm wondering whether
A) if he's worth wanting to get back together in the future. I still love him but he didn't make enough effort in the relationship.
B) we're both about to start college together and go to the same one (but doing different subjects) later this year (we're still very young and only in our early 20s) and I don't know if I should not think to see him or talk to him until then. But it'll be the first time we don't have to deal with distance.
C) we have a holiday coming up soon with a group of friends in about 3 months time and I don't know if I should still go.
D) I will do the no contact rule but how long should I wait before talking (not even sure that I do want to because I'm so angry)
E) I said some hurtful things after he ended it with me but I've not spoken since, does the hurtful words ruin my chances?
Thanks and sorry for the really long message!
Luce
A) It's for you to decide. No contact will help you make that decision.
B) I'll recommend you do no contact for two months. IF you still want him back, contact him.
C) After two months of no contact, if you still want to get back with him, and he is warm when you contact him, then you should go on the holiday.
D) 2 Months
E) No
A) It's for you to decide. No contact will help you make that decision.
B) I'll recommend you do no contact for two months. IF you still want him back, contact him.
C) After two months of no contact, if you still want to get back with him, and he is warm when you contact him, then you should go on the holiday.
D) 2 Months
E) No
Hi kevin,
Thanks for the reply on my last post. The reason my gf of 4yrs broke up with me is maybe loss of attraction. I became dependent on her too much and comfortable and secured on our relationship that i neglected it. Recently i realized that months before we broke up. I changed, my efforts and sweetness has disappeared. So i guess nc is effective for me coz inrealized these mistakes. On the other hand she didnt told me that she feels like something is wrong with us she didnt communicate with me. So when she hit the boiling point she just decided to bailout. Do you think i still have a chance? Im quite anxious if she would respond to me after nc because i became a creep after the breakup. And im still following the plan. Ive got 4 more weeks to go coz i decide to make 6weeks of nc for becoming a creep. Thanks kevin. I dont really know where to ask for this problem of mine. Just refer to my previous post for info. I wish you could help me.
Hey Daniel,
I do think you have a chance. Good luck.
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Hey Daniel,
I do think you have a chance. Good luck.
Hi. Love this site, but my situation is a bit more complicated. She asked me to find another place to live. Said she was worn out and did not love me anymore. We have to young boys 3 and 5 and I have to stay in contact and cooperate with her on that. Fine. I'll do that for my kids. I will try to heal our relation as much as I can. It happened two weeks ago and in that period we have been mad, arguing, but also quite close in periods. Almost to the point if having sex. She says she needs time, but has her own, exact ideas about how this should play out. I'm a wreck inside. Few money, no job. Trying to get one. Trying to find a new home close to my kids.. I have some shit to deal with and surely so does she. However, in her busy life with career and kids I was apparently what was wrong and could be removed from the equation of her life.. She posts happy images on Facebook, so I blocked her. Last week I said to her that I needed time away from her too to try turn things around. It worked for a while. She sat down and just stared out the window, telling me that now it suddenly felt like I was breaking up with her. I sense ambivalence in her and perhaps it really is time she needs. The first two days I apologized for my wrongdoings in detail and tried to convince her to therapy. No matter if we were going apart for good or not. After all, like I said, it would improve our communication going forward, which would benefit the kids..no I am in my anger fade. I feel like she abandoned me to the world and left me in so many practical and emotional problems that life is extremely hard to deal with. Think I understand the "rules" you give here. Common psychology, but it is hard to deal with because we have to cooperate all the time. Ok, I talk with her about the kids and that's it.. Still see them in our old home until I get a new one.. Her parents live nearby and do not like me. I'm not good for her. They do not see her own problems. Oldest sibling in the family used to getting it her way. Dad a functioning alcoholic with money and good advice. No looking inwards in the mentality.. I believe sometimes that her and I are not finished with each other- we never even started. It's a classic : too much to do at work , two small kids. One with a minor handicap and no time for our relation...f... I am so angry that she just gave up. Think she list herself someway. It always takes two.. Hope we can separate and meet up as two individual persons choosing each other again, but my emotions are hard to control and I would like to get detailed advice from you, please..
Apologies. I am 40 and she is 34
Sorry.. Forgot to mention that I went down with stress and my career job and decided to finish my studies. When she left me I was almost finished. Can't finish now, but have to find work.. I've worked with myself mentally the past year and involved her in the problems my psychiatrist believe I have all the way. However, I was put on a waiting list and at the same time very stressed with studies, like she was at work.. She believes I am the problem. How do I change that Kevin?
Hey Mark,
You need to move out as soon as possible, as you are already probably know. Like you said, the only way to go about this is to move out, and meet as two separate individuals. This is the only way she can see things from a different perspective. And so will you. Also, if you are married, please speak to a lawyer before moving out. If the worst happens, and you have to go through divorce, then moving out might work against you in divorce settlement.
Hey Mark,
You need to move out as soon as possible, as you are already probably know. Like you said, the only way to go about this is to move out, and meet as two separate individuals. This is the only way she can see things from a different perspective. And so will you. Also, if you are married, please speak to a lawyer before moving out. If the worst happens, and you have to go through divorce, then moving out might work against you in divorce settlement.
Hey Mark,
You need to move out as soon as possible, as you are already probably know. Like you said, the only way to go about this is to move out, and meet as two separate individuals. This is the only way she can see things from a different perspective. And so will you. Also, if you are married, please speak to a lawyer before moving out. If the worst happens, and you have to go through divorce, then moving out might work against you in divorce settlement.
Apologies. I am 40 and she is 34
Sorry.. Forgot to mention that I went down with stress and my career job and decided to finish my studies. When she left me I was almost finished. Can't finish now, but have to find work.. I've worked with myself mentally the past year and involved her in the problems my psychiatrist believe I have all the way. However, I was put on a waiting list and at the same time very stressed with studies, like she was at work.. She believes I am the problem. How do I change that Kevin?
Hi, Kevin.
My girlfriend of 2yrs broke up with me telling me she doesn't love me anymore except as a friend. She says wecan stay together but as a friend only. I'm hinting she's having an affair withher officemate. Butshe told me there is nothingbetween them. She said she justfall out of love due to constant fights andmy clingy attitude. I want to use the NC ti her but it seems that she's using it on me too. What if i do NC for a month and what if she does also. Then we are just both waiting for each other to chase one
another.
And
And btw, we're 23 yrs old. And weare both gjrls.
Im afraid of doing the NC because I feel like a month is too much. Because she's the type of girl who is indelendent and mentally strong. I know she would not come after me.and im afraid that she just moves on and gets over it since she's too busy.in our relationship i was the clingy one.and this is the only time in 2yrs that she told me she doesnt love me. And whatever comes from her mouth i knew she had decided on it long before shetells me.and im not even cool about her having a rebound.
Please help. Thanks.
P. S. I cannot find my comment :(
Well the fact u think she's not gonna chase you is a sign that u don't have the confidence u had in the begining... do the NC even if u do talk everyday... she will wonder why she hasnt been able to talk to u and it makes u look less needy. she got jealous of ur relationship witch shows she's not over u... make her miss you and be confident in yourself... u may find out that u are special and deserve better than being put on the back burner... ur in control if u play ur cards right
im in the same boat my ex and i were together 3 yrs she left me in a txt msg moved out when i was at work its been only twi months and she has a new gf already
Well the fact u think she's not gonna chase you is a sign that u don't have the confidence u had in the begining... do the NC even if u do talk everyday... she will wonder why she hasnt been able to talk to u and it makes u look less needy. she got jealous of ur relationship witch shows she's not over u... make her miss you and be confident in yourself... u may find out that u are special and deserve better than being put on the back burner... ur in control if u play ur cards right
im in the same boat my ex and i were together 3 yrs she left me in a txt msg moved out when i was at work its been only twi months and she has a new gf already
And the last time i was trying to hook up with a beautiful girl and she found out. She keeps interrogating me if we are calling and asking me why am i fooling myself and her that she's still the one that i love. I suspect she's jealousand she is still in love with me but she declined that thought. Saying she is sure she doesnt love me nymore but is just mad because im making it loo like she's still the one when in fact im planning to court someone else. What can you say?
I say you should do NC. Even if she is doing NC, it'll still be effective. The most important part of NC is concentrating on yourself and not making your ex miss you. I am not saying she won't miss you. She will. But that's not the main objective of NC. It's for you to regain your confidence and composure.
So, reading between the lines of what you have said does this mean that I have to call it quits and just let her go?
Hey Raed,
I think you really can't know for sure if you should call it quits until you do at least one month of no contact. IF you stay in touch with her, you will never give her an opportunity to miss you and you will never learn to be without her in your life. What happens after no contact will give you a good idea about your chances.
Hey Raed,
I think you really can't know for sure if you should call it quits until you do at least one month of no contact. IF you stay in touch with her, you will never give her an opportunity to miss you and you will never learn to be without her in your life. What happens after no contact will give you a good idea about your chances.
Hey Raed,
I think you really can't know for sure if you should call it quits until you do at least one month of no contact. IF you stay in touch with her, you will never give her an opportunity to miss you and you will never learn to be without her in your life. What happens after no contact will give you a good idea about your chances.
Hey Raed,
I think you really can't know for sure if you should call it quits until you do at least one month of no contact. IF you stay in touch with her, you will never give her an opportunity to miss you and you will never learn to be without her in your life. What happens after no contact will give you a good idea about your chances.
Hey, Kevin!
We're both doing fine now and we are friends as of this moment. I am little by little accepting the fact that we are not anymore together but I'm still somehow hoping for a reconciliation. I was planning to take a break also and to just stay as friends but I ave plans of oursuing her again months or a year after maybe. I think I need to rest too.
Thank you so much!
Hi, Kevin!
I need your insight again. I'm not applying the NC rule because we do talk only at nightto check on each other. We were bestfriends for more than 5yrs and couple for more than 2years. When we broke up she's the one who told me that it is fine to not talk and she's hoping we can meet in the future wheni am already successful. So i guess she's pretty serious on breaking it off to me since she's the one who came up with the idea to get away from each other so that we can move on and it's like her saying, "See you when i see around after many years". It's been two months that we have settled into being 'just friends'. At timesim dropping hints and she knows I still like her and waiting but after all these 2months, she's still convinced that she doesnt like anybody even me. I want her back but do you think she's still open for reconciliation as 'us' or is she just being nice to me just because we agreed to finally being friends?
Please
Hi, Kevin!
I need your insight again. I'm not applying the NC rule because we do talk only at nightto check on each other. We were bestfriends for more than 5yrs and couple for more than 2years. When we broke up she's the one who told me that it is fine to not talk and she's hoping we can meet in the future wheni am already successful. So i guess she's pretty serious on breaking it off to me since she's the one who came up with the idea to get away from each other so that we can move on and it's like her saying, "See you when i see around after many years". It's been two months that we have settled into being 'just friends'. At timesim dropping hints and she knows I still like her and waiting but after all these 2months, she's still convinced that she doesnt like anybody even me. I want her back but do you think she's still open for reconciliation as 'us' or is she just being nice to me just because we agreed to finally being friends?
Please
Hi, Kevin!
I need your insight again. I'm not applying the NC rule because we do talk only at nightto check on each other. We were bestfriends for more than 5yrs and couple for more than 2years. When we broke up she's the one who told me that it is fine to not talk and she's hoping we can meet in the future wheni am already successful. So i guess she's pretty serious on breaking it off to me since she's the one who came up with the idea to get away from each other so that we can move on and it's like her saying, "See you when i see around after many years". It's been two months that we have settled into being 'just friends'. At timesim dropping hints and she knows I still like her and waiting but after all these 2months, she's still convinced that she doesnt like anybody even me. I want her back but do you think she's still open for reconciliation as 'us' or is she just being nice to me just because we agreed to finally being friends?
Please
Hi, Kevin!
I need your insight again. I'm not applying the NC rule because we do talk only at nightto check on each other. We were bestfriends for more than 5yrs and couple for more than 2years. When we broke up she's the one who told me that it is fine to not talk and she's hoping we can meet in the future wheni am already successful. So i guess she's pretty serious on breaking it off to me since she's the one who came up with the idea to get away from each other so that we can move on and it's like her saying, "See you when i see around after many years". It's been two months that we have settled into being 'just friends'. At timesim dropping hints and she knows I still like her and waiting but after all these 2months, she's still convinced that she doesnt like anybody even me. I want her back but do you think she's still open for reconciliation as 'us' or is she just being nice to me just because we agreed to finally being friends?
Please
So, reading between the lines of what you have said does this mean that I have to call it quits and just let her go?
Hey, Kevin!
We're both doing fine now and we are friends as of this moment. I am little by little accepting the fact that we are not anymore together but I'm still somehow hoping for a reconciliation. I was planning to take a break also and to just stay as friends but I ave plans of oursuing her again months or a year after maybe. I think I need to rest too.
Thank you so much!
So, reading between the lines of what you have said does this mean that I have to call it quits and just let her go?
Hey, Kevin!
We're both doing fine now and we are friends as of this moment. I am little by little accepting the fact that we are not anymore together but I'm still somehow hoping for a reconciliation. I was planning to take a break also and to just stay as friends but I ave plans of oursuing her again months or a year after maybe. I think I need to rest too.
Thank you so much!
I say you should do NC. Even if she is doing NC, it'll still be effective. The most important part of NC is concentrating on yourself and not making your ex miss you. I am not saying she won't miss you. She will. But that's not the main objective of NC. It's for you to regain your confidence and composure.
Hey,
I am 25 and my ex-girlfriend 23 years old. I and my girlfriend were together almost three and half years and I was her first boyfriend. We didn't live together but I was at least every weekend with her. We had some issues and she felt bad, because I didn't show my feelings and I wasn't sure what I felt and sometimes I was unkindly for her but she loved me very much. We had a break last autumn but we got back together. In the beginning of the relationship I cheated her but she forgave that.
Two months ago we had break three weeks and we supposed think what to do, because everyday life was little bit painful.
We decided that we can see other people if we want, she told me about one guy who has spoken for her and she asked is it okay for me, I didn't take him as a threat. I wasn't sure what I wanted and then we met and she said that she missed me much but she had decided to break-up. We still had two nights together and we said that we love each other. She asked me have I something to say, but I couldn't say nothing, I am not sure why. There was possibility. Then next day I visited her place and I said that I want be with you, but she said that it is too late and she told me that she is dating that other guy. So I got angry about that and said that if she loves me, then I wished that they are not seeing each other.
Now it's have been month ago when we break-up. I have been little bit needy and desperate, I wrote two letters and asked like three or four times that give me a chance to prove you that we can be happy together. Her family likes me very much and my also but my father took too much part helping we back together and think it was huge mistake he sent couple of text messages for her and one was angry because of that she is dating that other immediately when we break-up. I have been contact with my ex few times after that and every single time she cries. Last night I asked her go out with me then she called me and we have spoken almost two hours. She said that she doesn't want me back and she is happy to moving on. I asked her to tell me that she doesn't love me anymore, because after that I could move on knowing that there is nothing to left but she couldn't say that. She said that feelings just go off and on. I know that she have feelings for that another guy because he was right place when we were at that break and my girlfriend was at the time very sad and he told her she is so beautiful and other stuff. It is sad for me that the other guy was in the same course with me and we became friends (English course :D) and without me they even know each other. She still wants to be some kind of friends with me, we said that we wish nothing but good each other and I wished all the best for her and the other guy. But inside of me I would to anything to get her back. Earlier few months ago she said that I could best father for her children and if she met someone she is afraid that cheat him with me. But when we speak each other I see that something had chance. We supposed to see next week when she will return my last stuff for me. I don't know should I just leave her for good and leave all the hopes. Should I just not answer her when she text when we can see next week? I didn’t know that I take this situation so hard.
Sorry for my English it’s not my native language and thanks your sites are very helpful.
Hey,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it. If she contacts you, tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
Hey,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it. If she contacts you, tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
I posted a question earlier and still no reply. Did it ever get through? I even managed to like a pic of him on Facebook again.. But no direct contact.. Do I have to start nc all over again?
I can't find your comment Perni. Do you mind posting again? Please read comments guidelines before posting.
I can't find your comment Perni. Do you mind posting again? Please read comments guidelines before posting.
Excuse me for my English,
But after I read all of this I can say that I'm a little wiser now.
My ex and I decided together to broke up because we didn't feel like that this relationship was working anymore. In that week we had a lot of contact, that we should remain friends. It felt like we've made a mistake and he was talking about all the memories we had.. We were together for five months but we did a lot of great stuff. Even meeting our parents. We decided to meet.. and it was fun we kissed and we hugged.
The day after I feel confused and told him that I need some space because I was confused about my feelings. He told me that he understand and he asked me if we aren't go to hang out anymore.. I told him it needs time. He agreed..
The day after he went to the pub en hang out with friends and he bumped in to a old friend and sunday he told me that he liked another girl. She also broke up with her boyfriend . 2 days after they had a relationship.. I was mad but I told him lots of luck and he did the same. He told me that this came all out of a sudden he meet her en she liked hem and vica versa. She is complete different than me... the opposite in all possible ways. I broke all the contact..
I met his brother last week and we had a nice talk. He told me that everyone was surprised and that his mom missed me. He also told me that they look happy together.
Is this rebound? Or could it be that he earlier met this old friend while we were together? Sometimes I had a strange feeling that I didn't trust him for the fully 100% but that could be because my last relationshp was two years ago.
Greets,
Fiona
It's probably a rebound, even if he met her while you were together.
It's probably a rebound, even if he met her while you were together.
Hey Kevin,
Me again lol! Basically after nearly 3 months being seperated and lots of no contact applied I sent a letter saying that the relationship was not working etc and it was probably for the best so I could get better (I was quite unwell mentally) I didn't receive any reply. Then last friday I text asking to buy a cable off him and he ignored it, i text back saying i am just being friendly. then i text his friend asking if it was too soon for him still. later that night he text me saying hey i think its still too soon to talk on a friends basis, im sorry i hope you understand. I hope you are taking care of yourself. An hour later I replied ok cool, im doing great. Take care, text me when your ready. Im pretty sure that he still wants to be friends otherwise he would of just ignored me completely. Now here comes the confusing part. When we broke up, i was clinging on to him by trying to be him. dressing like him acting like him etc. Now i am my own person and really happy with myself and have met some great guys since then. Now however, it seems he keeps checking my instagram and twitter. Everytime i post something he posts something. So i post going to Nandos for dinner. He posts a few hours later that he has gone to Nandos. He has copied my hairstyle to the point its exactly the same! The type of clothes I wear. The attitude I have. I even put a picture up of me on sunday at 8am of myself laying down saying I was tired and needed more sleep. 8pm that night he put up a picture of himself in the exact same way, saying he was tired and hungover. It is getting completely weird. Everyone keeps telling me he will be back, he is stalking you now. I always get a feeling he is watching me. My mum says he is being consistent with his decision to break up and after his holiday he will come back. My mum is usually not wrong about things. I know his feelings are still there as I can see he is clinging on to me so much and I notice he puts up weird status' now telling everyone he is super strong etc. I am just so confused. People say you need to move on from him but i really have, ive met someone who i really click with and the only thing i dont get is why he is copying me so much when he told me he doesnt want to talk yet. Gay Pride is coming up soon just before his holiday and I know for a fact he will be there even though he hates going. I always tell myself every morning "anything could happen" and it makes me smile. One day we may kick off our relationship again but for right now i just want to stay friends myself. I just am super confused by his actions and whether he is doing all this because he is missing me too much. Im pretty sure the reason he split up with me was because he was scared to lose me as i kept saying i didnt know if i wanted to be with him. Now after no contact i feel like he is scared he is losing me completely and lost control of the post breakup "competition" whereas I am not competing. My mum has always said that she felt he was jealous of me and that too much jealousy is what created him to act strange and break up. Anyways sorry for the long message I am just so confused with his actions and needed to express them. Any insight would be great.
Thanks.
You are doing great and you should keep up with your attitude. You are right, he is showing signs that he still has feelings for you. Good luck.
To make things worse he does something again. I have been talking to a guy I really like and planning to meet up at the end of the month. I tweet the guy yesterday as he is going to see a movie I wanna see. Late last night he starts following this guy and replies to a tweet about a movie. The tweet was posted 4 days ago and he just replies. I dont understand his game, he dont want me but dont want me to move on or be with anyone else. Crazy thoughts rush through my mind like is he catfishing me? Is he stalking me? Again I wont rise to it but my mum said that if he carries on this week I should text him and say look I dont know what is going on I can see you keep watching me and I think after your holiday we should meet and talk. Dont know if this is any good advice but i'm going to stay strong and I am not going to use this guy I like as a pawn in me and my ex's relationship. If he wants to keep messaging him I will leave them be and unfollow him. ahh why are relationships so complicated. I'm a man shouldn't I be able to understand other men?! looool
To make things worse he does something again. I have been talking to a guy I really like and planning to meet up at the end of the month. I tweet the guy yesterday as he is going to see a movie I wanna see. Late last night he starts following this guy and replies to a tweet about a movie. The tweet was posted 4 days ago and he just replies. I dont understand his game, he dont want me but dont want me to move on or be with anyone else. Crazy thoughts rush through my mind like is he catfishing me? Is he stalking me? Again I wont rise to it but my mum said that if he carries on this week I should text him and say look I dont know what is going on I can see you keep watching me and I think after your holiday we should meet and talk. Dont know if this is any good advice but i'm going to stay strong and I am not going to use this guy I like as a pawn in me and my ex's relationship. If he wants to keep messaging him I will leave them be and unfollow him. ahh why are relationships so complicated. I'm a man shouldn't I be able to understand other men?! looool
To make things worse he does something again. I have been talking to a guy I really like and planning to meet up at the end of the month. I tweet the guy yesterday as he is going to see a movie I wanna see. Late last night he starts following this guy and replies to a tweet about a movie. The tweet was posted 4 days ago and he just replies. I dont understand his game, he dont want me but dont want me to move on or be with anyone else. Crazy thoughts rush through my mind like is he catfishing me? Is he stalking me? Again I wont rise to it but my mum said that if he carries on this week I should text him and say look I dont know what is going on I can see you keep watching me and I think after your holiday we should meet and talk. Dont know if this is any good advice but i'm going to stay strong and I am not going to use this guy I like as a pawn in me and my ex's relationship. If he wants to keep messaging him I will leave them be and unfollow him. ahh why are relationships so complicated. I'm a man shouldn't I be able to understand other men?! looool
Literally an hour after posting this he retweets something I retweeted. He doesn't follow me on twitter anymore and he doesn't follow the competition I retweeted. My notifications pop up saying T...... I..... retweeted your retweet. So he doesn't follow either of us but retweeted the competition by searching me, looking at my tweets and retweeting not realising it comes up as a notification for me. So I know for certain he is still checking up on me. Just before we broke up he said I would never be a doormat for someone its not fair. So I think he is scared to tell me he made a mistake and has to stay consistent. I do want him back but I just want him to stop playing games and tell me what he wants. Everytime I seem to move forward he does something that makes me think he is still caring about me and is struggling to get over me. I'm so confused haha.
You are doing great and you should keep up with your attitude. You are right, he is showing signs that he still has feelings for you. Good luck.
Literally an hour after posting this he retweets something I retweeted. He doesn't follow me on twitter anymore and he doesn't follow the competition I retweeted. My notifications pop up saying T...... I..... retweeted your retweet. So he doesn't follow either of us but retweeted the competition by searching me, looking at my tweets and retweeting not realising it comes up as a notification for me. So I know for certain he is still checking up on me. Just before we broke up he said I would never be a doormat for someone its not fair. So I think he is scared to tell me he made a mistake and has to stay consistent. I do want him back but I just want him to stop playing games and tell me what he wants. Everytime I seem to move forward he does something that makes me think he is still caring about me and is struggling to get over me. I'm so confused haha.
Hi Kevin,
Me & my ex were together for 4 years & have a 2 year old daughter, I haven't started your plan as of yet because it would be impossible for us to do the no contact rule a we have a child & need to be able to contact each other. How will he get the chance to miss me if he has to either talk on the phone with me everyday or he sees me in person? Unfortunately I have made almost every mistake on your list since splitting 3 months ago so I desperately need to redeem myself! How do I do this without doing the all important no contact rule? x
Read this article to learn how to do no contact when you have a child together.
Read this article to learn how to do no contact when you have a child together.
hi kevin,how come i dont get a reply?and i dont see my comment?thanks!
Hey Kirsten,
Your reply is here.
Hey Kirsten,
Your reply is here.
My gf of 8 months left me for her ex, both of them used to fight but now it seems like the guy has improved and promised to marry her.
Even she feels a lot for him, is it woth to wait for her?
It's hard to say. If it's her ex, it's probably not a rebound. You should apply no contact regardless.
It's hard to say. If it's her ex, it's probably not a rebound. You should apply no contact regardless.
Hey Kevin,
I will try to make this short as possible. I think my last post was so long so it didn't show up. But I believe my case is a bit different because it involves God. Like everyone else my heart is broken. I've been with my ex for the last 8ish -9 months, he's 26 and I'm 27. It was a long distance relationship, so we didn't get to see eachother very much but we talked on skype everyday. Anywhere from 3-6 hours per day during the past 6 months. I've never felt this way about a guy, we clicked in every way imaginable from the beginning. I without a doubt believed he was my soul mate...if such a thing exists. An he felt the same way. He even mentioned going on a random road trip to get (put on his health insurance) and talked about how he wants to live life with me, and move in together, etc. It was just a very loving, caring relationship. We never said anything bad about eachother and we could make eachother laugh. His big problem is the long distance, I suppose. His last gf of over a year and him ended up breaking up because of it. Although he did say that they would've ended up breaking up regardless because she wasn't right for him. Over the last 5 months he's broken up with me about 4 times. But each time he got really emotional and cried. And I eventually talked him back because he said he can't see his life and future without me. He said he never cried with the last girl. He said he loved and cared about me more than he ever has anyone, and that we connect more than he ever has with anyone. Long story short. Things were perfect until about 2 weeks ago. He told me he loved me on sunday morning through text...then I didn't hear from him for a day. I bombarded him with messages. And then I got a message saying he just can't do it anymore. That he thinks the distance has just worn his heart down. I told him I could even move up to him, and to not give up on us....but he wouldn't have it. However, I did talk him into wanting a break to think about his decision...bcause it was so out of the blue. Unfortunately, i sucked at giving him space. I called him that night and started crying and told him I couldn't do it. I told him I was going to delete him off of everyhting. I told him I loved him, then hung up. He got scared and started crying and begged me to answer on skype...I finally did. He said he was being an idiot and he thinks he just convinced himself that he doesn't need any other person to be happy (He is a firm believer in God....as am I). Things were good (I thought) until the next day. He was being distant again. I asked if he was having second thoughts....and he ended up saying he DID need the break to think about things afterall. Unfortunately, I did everything I wasn't supposed to do. Beg (alot), cry (alot), text him (alot) over the time I was supposed to be giving him his break. He didn't reply to me all weekend and it just made me freak out and text and call him more. He finally picked up monday morning and had made up his decision that he was breaking up with me...for good. It was different this time in he was extremely cold and emotionless. He said he had been praying about it all weekend and he feels like this is right, and what God wants him to do. He said it's for the best, and we will find love again. There will be someone else out there for us. I asked him how he knows that God just doesn't want us to be together right now....and he does down the line in the future....and he said "Because he's already healing my heart". That's when I accepted I wouldn't be able to change his mind. He started getting mad because I wanted to stay and talk, and he had to go. He says he wants to stay in contact and he still wants to know how I am from time to time....he just needs space to get over me. We hung up. I then emailed him right after saying that "I accepted the break up. But God doesn't tell people to break up with someone out of the blue, I deserve to know the real reason." I haven't heard back from him. Before I thought it was the long distance and that we couldn't see eachother much. But when I offered to move up there, he still wanted to break up. So I have no idea why. My questions are: Is there any chance that because I was messaging him every single day during his break, that he didn't have a chance to miss me and that affected his decision to leave? Do you think if I apply NC (I have been for 2 days now) he will eventually miss me and come back? If he believes God truly is blessing his decision and "healing his heart"....the chances for me look pretty slim. Also, I feel like he won't miss me because he's always busy so I assume his mind will always be preoccupied with other thoughts. It's just sad, because we got along ridiculously well and we loved eachother deeply. We only would have truly been long distance for the next 1.5 years until he got out of school. And now there's nothing. This hurts...bad. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and thrown on the ground. Help Kevin!!!
Hey Natalie,
Your previous post is here.
Hey Natalie,
Your previous post is here.
I don't see my question anymore? Help? Thanks!
Claire,
I can't find your post. Can you please post again. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Claire,
I can't find your post. Can you please post again. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Kevin,
It's only been around 4-5 days after the actual break up, 9 days after she said she wanted to take a break after our 6 month anniversary. It came out of nowhere as we just spent the weekend together (It was long distance. 3 hours) and we had an amazing weekend. She is 20 and I'm 27.
When she wanted to take the break she said she needed to think things over about us because she wasn't sure if she could see a future between us anymore and that a 'connection was missing'. As we talked about things more she said she loved me, was happy with me, and saw that the relationship would have been great, but that she only saw me as a friend. All that really did was confuse me further because not even a week ago she was talking how much she loves me and how I’m forever hers and she’s forever mine.
So as I’m dealing with the fallout of the relationship, not two days later she is talking with some other guy and found out today she’s been meeting up with him and she’s extremely happy. After reading your guide I feel like it’s a rebound relationship.
Now I have made a few mistakes right off the bat and almost made a huge one this weekend by going and seeing her, but your guide has me rethinking everything now. The last time I contacted her was today asking how she was doing. But after learning about the other guy I figure today is the day I start the no-contact.
I do love her and I do think the relationship is worth saving. I weighed out the pros and cons and see that I am a good person without her, but with her I’m a better person.
Hey Josh,
You didn't ask a question so I'll just wish you luck and hope things work out for you.
Hey Josh,
You didn't ask a question so I'll just wish you luck and hope things work out for you.
Kevin,
Please please please! I'm in so much pain! please help me. My Boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I did every mistake now he's irritated and indifferent. I don't know what he feels about me anymore. He said he is not ready for a relationship right now but he is liking someone else, but it's to early to say whatever happen happens that he is not looking for anything at this time. I'm so confused but he doesn't want to talk anymore. I'm in deep pain. I want him to talk to me and feel comfortable again. I'm 23 and he's 20. So he is still immature and doesn't know what to do with his life but he's very social and friendly so it's very easy for him to move on and we don't have common friends. But his family still contacts me. I'm afraid that he'll move on and forget about me. He said that he feels like he doesn't necessarily forget about me but to move past in order to progress life. Please I do need help! and good advice!
Hey Aniel,
Start no contact and follow the plan. He will not move on so quickly.
Thank you. I'm starting the no contact plan for a week now, But we both have snapchats and even though we don't sent it to each other but we could still see what we are posting about. Do I need do quit that too?
Not unless it's making you obsess over him.
Hey Kevin,
SO my ex and I got back together.. And I told you before that the he confessed that the real reason that we broke up was he got drunk and slept with another woman about 2 months before we broke up. He regret it ever since and He said it was the biggest mistake etc. I gave him another chance. but I found out while we broken up he went out with this girl for a week he said nothing happened it was just a distraction that he didn't even like her. I'm just having a hard time believing him but I can see that he is trying to redeem himself for me to trust him. I just have this feeling of jealously and insecurity. and I just don't know how to deal with it right now. Probably because I'm not over it. (the mistakes that he made). & I think he still talks to the girl sometimes casually. I don't know what to do.
Hey Kevin,
SO my ex and I got back together.. And I told you before that the he confessed that the real reason that we broke up was he got drunk and slept with another woman about 2 months before we broke up. He regret it ever since and He said it was the biggest mistake etc. I gave him another chance. but I found out while we broken up he went out with this girl for a week he said nothing happened it was just a distraction that he didn't even like her. I'm just having a hard time believing him but I can see that he is trying to redeem himself for me to trust him. I just have this feeling of jealously and insecurity. and I just don't know how to deal with it right now. Probably because I'm not over it. (the mistakes that he made). & I think he still talks to the girl sometimes casually. I don't know what to do.
Hey Kevin,
SO my ex and I got back together.. And I told you before that the he confessed that the real reason that we broke up was he got drunk and slept with another woman about 2 months before we broke up. He regret it ever since and He said it was the biggest mistake etc. I gave him another chance. but I found out while we broken up he went out with this girl for a week he said nothing happened it was just a distraction that he didn't even like her. I'm just having a hard time believing him but I can see that he is trying to redeem himself for me to trust him. I just have this feeling of jealously and insecurity. and I just don't know how to deal with it right now. Probably because I'm not over it. (the mistakes that he made). & I think he still talks to the girl sometimes casually. I don't know what to do.
Hey Kevin,
SO my ex and I got back together.. And I told you before that the he confessed that the real reason that we broke up was he got drunk and slept with another woman about 2 months before we broke up. He regret it ever since and He said it was the biggest mistake etc. I gave him another chance. but I found out while we broken up he went out with this girl for a week he said nothing happened it was just a distraction that he didn't even like her. I'm just having a hard time believing him but I can see that he is trying to redeem himself for me to trust him. I just have this feeling of jealously and insecurity. and I just don't know how to deal with it right now. Probably because I'm not over it. (the mistakes that he made). & I think he still talks to the girl sometimes casually. I don't know what to do.
Hey Kevin,
SO my ex and I got back together.. And I told you before that the he confessed that the real reason that we broke up was he got drunk and slept with another woman about 2 months before we broke up. He regret it ever since and He said it was the biggest mistake etc. I gave him another chance. but I found out while we broken up he went out with this girl for a week he said nothing happened it was just a distraction that he didn't even like her. I'm just having a hard time believing him but I can see that he is trying to redeem himself for me to trust him. I just have this feeling of jealously and insecurity. and I just don't know how to deal with it right now. Probably because I'm not over it. (the mistakes that he made). & I think he still talks to the girl sometimes casually. I don't know what to do.
Not unless it's making you obsess over him.
Not unless it's making you obsess over him.
Not unless it's making you obsess over him.
Thank you. I'm starting the no contact plan for a week now, But we both have snapchats and even though we don't sent it to each other but we could still see what we are posting about. Do I need do quit that too?
Thank you. I'm starting the no contact plan for a week now, But we both have snapchats and even though we don't sent it to each other but we could still see what we are posting about. Do I need do quit that too?
Hey Aniel,
Start no contact and follow the plan. He will not move on so quickly.
Dear, Kev relationship master. My girlfriend recently split up with me, arguments and all that stuff, both our lives are going terrible unrelated to our relationship(laid off, bankruptcy, depression, long distance, high stress, finances)which had a knock on affect. Obviously i tried to talk her round but then the next day i kind of agreed that it was for the best as both our lives need seriously sorting out and we couldn't give each other the attention and support we needed. aaannyway, I started the no contact about the 12th of may, we had a major argument a week before that and she blocked me on whatsapp, but i can see her intermittently unblocking me (obviously to see if i have sent her anything, which i haven't since she blocked me) the only issue that arises is we both have stuff of some value of each others that needs to be return (there has been no communication of this happening) do i return these items after the 30 days on my attempt at meeting up or should i resolve it beforehand? do i just post them up unannounced? or use them as part of a reason to meet up for lunch? I have been putting considerable effort into sorting my life out and reopened my dating account on a website we both met on originally. Is that a bad idea i mean it was only technically 11 days since we splitup from a 14month relationship? Its helped me a lot talking to other girls but will it have a negative affect on her if she discovers my profile? Cheers
Hey Biff,
Chances are, she has already discovered your profile. She will get jealous, might even get angry. She might make an account and start chatting with guys just out of spite. But it won't do too much damage. And maybe it might help your case a little bit as well. Don't use the things as an excuse to meet up. If she asks for them, return them. IF you need your things, ask for the right away. If not, ignore it for now. If things don't work out, you can ask for those things later.
Hey Biff,
Chances are, she has already discovered your profile. She will get jealous, might even get angry. She might make an account and start chatting with guys just out of spite. But it won't do too much damage. And maybe it might help your case a little bit as well. Don't use the things as an excuse to meet up. If she asks for them, return them. IF you need your things, ask for the right away. If not, ignore it for now. If things don't work out, you can ask for those things later.
Hi Kevin,
My case is special. The girl I want to come back is not my ex girlfriend, but we were flirting and she felt something for me (I know that because she said it to me, even she said "Really, I don't know what I would do without you"). The problem is that I tried to kiss her too soon (we were talking for more than a month, but it was the second date) and she rejected the kiss. She said that I had not screwed up, but I felt bad for the rejection and I say "Goodbay" to her. Then, she cried, said I hurt her and blocked me on Facebook and Whatsapp.
3 days after that, I sent her a happy story I had wrote about us through a friend of her. She didn't answer, so I sent her my best wishes as a farewell through the same friend.
But, now, I'm planning to phone her the 15th day after the not-kiss day. I know she have an exam, so I want to say something like "Hi, how are you taking the exam?... Good luck... All the best, bye". Only a first contact. A few days after, I will call again asking for the exam result. And I will go on slowly that way.
Do you think it is a good plan?
Yes, it's a good plan.
Yes, it's a good plan.
This guy and I met on twitter of all places and started to message each other, then text, then finally talk on the phone. This went on for several months as just friends until one day it just turned into more. We were both feeling a much deeper connection. We would text all day long while at work and then stay on the phone at night until the wee hours of the morning. He and I talked about a future together but we currently lived over 1300 miles apart.
We were both moving within a few months of each other and would then only be 10 miles apart. I was his support system as a friend in the beginning while he went through a breakup from a short relationship with a girl he had been great friends with for years and she ended up screwing him over. Once things started to progress into having romantic feelings for each other, I couldn't wait to talk to him, see him , spend time with him, etc. He was excited about my son and wanted to be there to spend time with us.
We were absolutely perfect in every way for each other. We has just enough in common but just enough differences to keep it interesting, conversation was great, chemistry was amazing, and we both looked forward to hearing from each other and missed each other when we were busy and couldn't talk. The bad part was, I had lied to him about something and knew I needed to come clean when I developed these feelings.
I met him in person and came clean with everything. We still hung out and we were even intimate and things seemed to be doing okay but then he began to question my lie and if he could trust me ever again. I knew what I had done was awful and so unlike me and if I didn't admit it myself no one that knows me would believe I lied. He cut off all communication with me and blatantly told me he had no desire to hear from me again. 7 months passed with no contact and then I decided as a last ditch effort to reach out to him and if nothing else get everything off my chest. I emailed him and asked if we could talk.
I told him if he has no desire to hear from me to simply reply back no and I would respect his wishes and he would never hear from me again. A week passed and then he called me and we talked for over an hour but all we talked about was how I lied and he was still angry about it and even though he had forgiven me, he was having trouble forgetting. I told him I knew that would be our last conversation so I was trying to put everything out in the open and get all my apologies out there so we could move on. He said he didn't think it would be the last time that we talked and that he hadn't dated anyone else but that he needed time before he could hang out with me as my friend. He said it could be a month or 6 months but in the meantime he didn't want contact from me.
A couple questions, do you think he has any intentions of every contacting me again or he just said that and if he just said that why because I gave him an easy out when I said I knew it would be the last time we talked and he had no trouble telling me back last year that he had no desire to speak to me at the time. Second question is why did he get in touch with me if he was only going to tell me he isn't ready to talk and hang out, why not just respond no to the email and have me out of your life for good or not contact me until you are finally ready if you ever are? Do I have any chance of winning him back? I love him so much! I have never felt this connection with anyone before and I am in my mid thirties and well aware of how relationships work.
The fact that he is angry means that he still has feelings for you. And that's why he called instead of just replying no to your email. I can't say if he'll call again or not. But I think he meant it and he has hope that some time in the future, you can get back together. He is not sure about it, but he wants to keep the option open. Perhaps, he doesn't want you to move on.
So, it has been a few months since we talked and there was no contact. I found out he has just started talking to another girl through a friend and panicked and reached out to him. I didn't mention the girl or anything, just brought up the fact that we had ran into each other several places and both of us act like we don't know the other one (very childish, I know) and how I wanted him to understand that with us living so close, it was inevitable for that to happen from time to time and I didn't want him to feel like it was anything planned on my part. He replied that he asked me months ago to give him time to consider us being friends again and hanging out but that I was reaching out to him again (this one time) and it proved to him that I couldn't do one small thing he asked and that we should not be anything. He said that was the last time he would text or email me and that if he saw me out and about he may or may not say hi! He also said he knew what kind of guy he was and he was okay with that and didn't need my validation of his character. I have never said anything negative about him and actually usually take up for him when everyone else says he is acting childish and dramatic about the whole ordeal but had posted some things on twitter about other people's character and wonder if he saw that and thought it was about him. Basically, he flat out told me I am done with you but I do know he decided that girl wasn't for him and has been spending a lot of time at home when not working instead of going out and having fun. I miss him so much and know deep in my heart we were perfect for each other and I truly believe he feels it too but he has so much pride. Do you think based on that last text that he is still angry with me and I should just live my life and maybe he will come around and not mean what he said or that it sounded indifferent and he is gone forever? There is truly nothing I can do at this point right? I can't text, call, email, etc without seeming needy and desperate and I also love him so much that I want to respect his wishes. Do I just try to move on or continue to try? It has been a year and it hurts just as much today if not more than it did when it happened. I have been out on dates but no one compares.
Hey Kay,
To be honest, I think you your chances are less. Even though it seems like he still has some feelings from you, I don't think it's worth trying. Even if you want to pursue him more, you should do NC for at least 2-3 months.
I am having the hardest time letting go of my feelings for him or letting them subside. They haven't changed at all in a year. I still love him just like I did the first day it hit me. I am not reaching out to him ever again because he basically said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore and I respect him and his wishes enough to listen to what he is saying. The problem is I have no idea how to move on. Like I said I have been on multiple dates and I just can't even let myself open up to these other guys because he has my heart. How do I get it back? I know the only way we will ever talk again is if he initiates it and by the sounds of it, that isn't going to ever happen so I am just left completely empty. I am just a nervous wreck everyday waiting for him to find and start dating someone and knowing I have to see that. We have tickets to the same sporting events and I am afraid that I will have to sit there and try to enjoy a game while he is there with another female and that will be impossible for me to enjoy. If he seems to still have feelings for me and we were so good together, why does he continue to distance himself? I also need to add, I have NEVER in my entire life been like this about a man before. I have always been able to be the one to end it or walk away when it was ended and say, "oh well, your loss." Why am I not able to with this one?
I am having the hardest time letting go of my feelings for him or letting them subside. They haven't changed at all in a year. I still love him just like I did the first day it hit me. I am not reaching out to him ever again because he basically said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore and I respect him and his wishes enough to listen to what he is saying. The problem is I have no idea how to move on. Like I said I have been on multiple dates and I just can't even let myself open up to these other guys because he has my heart. How do I get it back? I know the only way we will ever talk again is if he initiates it and by the sounds of it, that isn't going to ever happen so I am just left completely empty. I am just a nervous wreck everyday waiting for him to find and start dating someone and knowing I have to see that. We have tickets to the same sporting events and I am afraid that I will have to sit there and try to enjoy a game while he is there with another female and that will be impossible for me to enjoy. If he seems to still have feelings for me and we were so good together, why does he continue to distance himself? I also need to add, I have NEVER in my entire life been like this about a man before. I have always been able to be the one to end it or walk away when it was ended and say, "oh well, your loss." Why am I not able to with this one?
I am having the hardest time letting go of my feelings for him or letting them subside. They haven't changed at all in a year. I still love him just like I did the first day it hit me. I am not reaching out to him ever again because he basically said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore and I respect him and his wishes enough to listen to what he is saying. The problem is I have no idea how to move on. Like I said I have been on multiple dates and I just can't even let myself open up to these other guys because he has my heart. How do I get it back? I know the only way we will ever talk again is if he initiates it and by the sounds of it, that isn't going to ever happen so I am just left completely empty. I am just a nervous wreck everyday waiting for him to find and start dating someone and knowing I have to see that. We have tickets to the same sporting events and I am afraid that I will have to sit there and try to enjoy a game while he is there with another female and that will be impossible for me to enjoy. If he seems to still have feelings for me and we were so good together, why does he continue to distance himself? I also need to add, I have NEVER in my entire life been like this about a man before. I have always been able to be the one to end it or walk away when it was ended and say, "oh well, your loss." Why am I not able to with this one?
I am having the hardest time letting go of my feelings for him or letting them subside. They haven't changed at all in a year. I still love him just like I did the first day it hit me. I am not reaching out to him ever again because he basically said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore and I respect him and his wishes enough to listen to what he is saying. The problem is I have no idea how to move on. Like I said I have been on multiple dates and I just can't even let myself open up to these other guys because he has my heart. How do I get it back? I know the only way we will ever talk again is if he initiates it and by the sounds of it, that isn't going to ever happen so I am just left completely empty. I am just a nervous wreck everyday waiting for him to find and start dating someone and knowing I have to see that. We have tickets to the same sporting events and I am afraid that I will have to sit there and try to enjoy a game while he is there with another female and that will be impossible for me to enjoy. If he seems to still have feelings for me and we were so good together, why does he continue to distance himself? I also need to add, I have NEVER in my entire life been like this about a man before. I have always been able to be the one to end it or walk away when it was ended and say, "oh well, your loss." Why am I not able to with this one?
I am having the hardest time letting go of my feelings for him or letting them subside. They haven't changed at all in a year. I still love him just like I did the first day it hit me. I am not reaching out to him ever again because he basically said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore and I respect him and his wishes enough to listen to what he is saying. The problem is I have no idea how to move on. Like I said I have been on multiple dates and I just can't even let myself open up to these other guys because he has my heart. How do I get it back? I know the only way we will ever talk again is if he initiates it and by the sounds of it, that isn't going to ever happen so I am just left completely empty. I am just a nervous wreck everyday waiting for him to find and start dating someone and knowing I have to see that. We have tickets to the same sporting events and I am afraid that I will have to sit there and try to enjoy a game while he is there with another female and that will be impossible for me to enjoy. If he seems to still have feelings for me and we were so good together, why does he continue to distance himself? I also need to add, I have NEVER in my entire life been like this about a man before. I have always been able to be the one to end it or walk away when it was ended and say, "oh well, your loss." Why am I not able to with this one?
Hey Kay,
To be honest, I think you your chances are less. Even though it seems like he still has some feelings from you, I don't think it's worth trying. Even if you want to pursue him more, you should do NC for at least 2-3 months.
Hey Kay,
To be honest, I think you your chances are less. Even though it seems like he still has some feelings from you, I don't think it's worth trying. Even if you want to pursue him more, you should do NC for at least 2-3 months.
Hey Kay,
To be honest, I think you your chances are less. Even though it seems like he still has some feelings from you, I don't think it's worth trying. Even if you want to pursue him more, you should do NC for at least 2-3 months.
So, it has been a few months since we talked and there was no contact. I found out he has just started talking to another girl through a friend and panicked and reached out to him. I didn't mention the girl or anything, just brought up the fact that we had ran into each other several places and both of us act like we don't know the other one (very childish, I know) and how I wanted him to understand that with us living so close, it was inevitable for that to happen from time to time and I didn't want him to feel like it was anything planned on my part. He replied that he asked me months ago to give him time to consider us being friends again and hanging out but that I was reaching out to him again (this one time) and it proved to him that I couldn't do one small thing he asked and that we should not be anything. He said that was the last time he would text or email me and that if he saw me out and about he may or may not say hi! He also said he knew what kind of guy he was and he was okay with that and didn't need my validation of his character. I have never said anything negative about him and actually usually take up for him when everyone else says he is acting childish and dramatic about the whole ordeal but had posted some things on twitter about other people's character and wonder if he saw that and thought it was about him. Basically, he flat out told me I am done with you but I do know he decided that girl wasn't for him and has been spending a lot of time at home when not working instead of going out and having fun. I miss him so much and know deep in my heart we were perfect for each other and I truly believe he feels it too but he has so much pride. Do you think based on that last text that he is still angry with me and I should just live my life and maybe he will come around and not mean what he said or that it sounded indifferent and he is gone forever? There is truly nothing I can do at this point right? I can't text, call, email, etc without seeming needy and desperate and I also love him so much that I want to respect his wishes. Do I just try to move on or continue to try? It has been a year and it hurts just as much today if not more than it did when it happened. I have been out on dates but no one compares.
So, it has been a few months since we talked and there was no contact. I found out he has just started talking to another girl through a friend and panicked and reached out to him. I didn't mention the girl or anything, just brought up the fact that we had ran into each other several places and both of us act like we don't know the other one (very childish, I know) and how I wanted him to understand that with us living so close, it was inevitable for that to happen from time to time and I didn't want him to feel like it was anything planned on my part. He replied that he asked me months ago to give him time to consider us being friends again and hanging out but that I was reaching out to him again (this one time) and it proved to him that I couldn't do one small thing he asked and that we should not be anything. He said that was the last time he would text or email me and that if he saw me out and about he may or may not say hi! He also said he knew what kind of guy he was and he was okay with that and didn't need my validation of his character. I have never said anything negative about him and actually usually take up for him when everyone else says he is acting childish and dramatic about the whole ordeal but had posted some things on twitter about other people's character and wonder if he saw that and thought it was about him. Basically, he flat out told me I am done with you but I do know he decided that girl wasn't for him and has been spending a lot of time at home when not working instead of going out and having fun. I miss him so much and know deep in my heart we were perfect for each other and I truly believe he feels it too but he has so much pride. Do you think based on that last text that he is still angry with me and I should just live my life and maybe he will come around and not mean what he said or that it sounded indifferent and he is gone forever? There is truly nothing I can do at this point right? I can't text, call, email, etc without seeming needy and desperate and I also love him so much that I want to respect his wishes. Do I just try to move on or continue to try? It has been a year and it hurts just as much today if not more than it did when it happened. I have been out on dates but no one compares.
The fact that he is angry means that he still has feelings for you. And that's why he called instead of just replying no to your email. I can't say if he'll call again or not. But I think he meant it and he has hope that some time in the future, you can get back together. He is not sure about it, but he wants to keep the option open. Perhaps, he doesn't want you to move on.
Hey kevin my boyfriend broke with me two days ago he claims he still loves me but i dont know the main reason he wants a break up from me i have tried to apologise to him but he wont reply my texts i do want him back because i love him do i still stand a chance with him
Hey there Kevin,
My gf broke up with me after 2 months of a wonderful relationship, and I mean a really wonderful one. I must say I was shocked at first and I didn't even beg or tried to convince her. This happened 3 days ago and I'll do my best to avoid any contact with her for a good amount of time cause I want her back for real. How long do you think I should wait? Any other advice you would like to share I'll be grateful! Thanks!
3 weeks.
3 weeks.
Hi
I posted earlier this morning but don't know if it was approved or if you replied I can't see it?
Could you help please?
Jay
It's here.
It's here.
Dear Kevin
I would really like some advice since I can't really do the no contact step. I'll give the full story to remove any misunderstandings.
Im 21 and my ex is 19. We're both in the first year of a 4 year education and we're both doing well so far. In the education there is a massive group project each quarter and because of this I only got to know her about 5 month into the education.
We started talking and with every conversation I started to like her more till it got to the point of near perfection(she doesn't like science fiction which is the only con of her that I can think of) After having a few sleepless nights I decided it was time to ask her out.(I would also like to add that this was my first relationship in 10 years) She agreed to the date and admitted that she also had a crush on me.
due to the fact that there were 2 more weeks of busy school we had the date on april 23.
During the 2 weeks we did talk allot and I already loved her at that point.
During the date the deal got sealed and I knew we fitted absolutely great together. I had my first date, kiss and we also spend the night together(no sex) and it was the best day of my life so far.
We agreed to tell each other when there was something they didn't like to prevent sudden and unnecessary breakups.
But on may 14(exactly 3 weeks after the first date) she contacted me via text to tell me that she was very busy thought that she wasn't ready for a relationship. (she is really busy with her family, school, friends, and work to the point that barely could find time to spend together.)
I did make pretty much all the mistakes that night trying my best to keep her or to suggest a temporary break. But she replied with that it just didn't feel right.
I've was free from school and had weekend at that point but those where some of the worst days I can remember. I did try to speak with her on the saturday but I went right back to the compromise/begging and she also said that it will not be more then friends anymore. (this caused me to wonder if there was perhaps something more to it that she isn't telling but I already overdid my begging that I decided to stop talking)On monday I was starting to accept it and wanted to have a proper face to face end to the relationship but she refused. I did tell her that day that I'll be a bit distanced for a while to give me time to process it.
The problem is that we work together on the current project and our cooperation is essential to the quality of the final product. So far it has been going quite well. I'm having difficulty talking to her since I still want the relationship but overall the cooperation is going flawlessly. We also spend the breaks with the entire group and I'm trying not to start an conversation with her but during general topics I still have to talk to her.
There is a summer holiday in about 6 weeks. and during that I'll probably not see her or talk with her during it. But I'm worried that it might be to late at that point.
I'm hoping that she can use the holiday to rest and slow her live down like she said she wanted to do. And I was thinking of contacting her a few weeks into the holiday to "reboot" the friendship that we had but was interrupted during the no contact period.
Anyway I hope that this is enough information so that perhaps you can aid me.
and sorry if its a bit of a long read.
With kind regards,
Tim
You can speak to her about the project but try to keep things related only to the project and don't talk about anything personal. It's a good idea with the holidays and giving her time. But I have to be honest with you, your chances are very less. She never was invested in the relationship. Perhaps she never felt the same way about you that you did with her. It'll be better to accept it and concentrate on moving on instead of pursuing her for the next 4 years.
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
It does bother me that I have no clue if she feld the same way about me as I did of her. During the relationship we were very close and the day before she ended the relationship we had a massive kiss that lasted about 2 minutes that was absolutely amazing. And the next day she says that she has no energy for a relationship and doesn't believe she is ready for a relationship. And as I said she is very busy lately and I can see why it would be to much. But then when asked to just pause it or to continue later she says that we won't be more then friends anymore. I think that there might be more to it but she dodged that question multiple times.
I really don't know how someone can go from very close to nothing in a day.
she was even started scheduling a doctors visit for anti conception pills.
I will go along with the no contact time, contact her in the holiday and from that point focus on being good friends and hope that perhaps we can get together again. If nothing happens after a few months I'll probably give up and accept that we can't get back together and just continue with being a really good friend.
Thanks again for your reply.
With kind regards,
Tim
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
It does bother me that I have no clue if she feld the same way about me as I did of her. During the relationship we were very close and the day before she ended the relationship we had a massive kiss that lasted about 2 minutes that was absolutely amazing. And the next day she says that she has no energy for a relationship and doesn't believe she is ready for a relationship. And as I said she is very busy lately and I can see why it would be to much. But then when asked to just pause it or to continue later she says that we won't be more then friends anymore. I think that there might be more to it but she dodged that question multiple times.
I really don't know how someone can go from very close to nothing in a day.
she was even started scheduling a doctors visit for anti conception pills.
I will go along with the no contact time, contact her in the holiday and from that point focus on being good friends and hope that perhaps we can get together again. If nothing happens after a few months I'll probably give up and accept that we can't get back together and just continue with being a really good friend.
Thanks again for your reply.
With kind regards,
Tim
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
It does bother me that I have no clue if she feld the same way about me as I did of her. During the relationship we were very close and the day before she ended the relationship we had a massive kiss that lasted about 2 minutes that was absolutely amazing. And the next day she says that she has no energy for a relationship and doesn't believe she is ready for a relationship. And as I said she is very busy lately and I can see why it would be to much. But then when asked to just pause it or to continue later she says that we won't be more then friends anymore. I think that there might be more to it but she dodged that question multiple times.
I really don't know how someone can go from very close to nothing in a day.
she was even started scheduling a doctors visit for anti conception pills.
I will go along with the no contact time, contact her in the holiday and from that point focus on being good friends and hope that perhaps we can get together again. If nothing happens after a few months I'll probably give up and accept that we can't get back together and just continue with being a really good friend.
Thanks again for your reply.
With kind regards,
Tim
You can speak to her about the project but try to keep things related only to the project and don't talk about anything personal. It's a good idea with the holidays and giving her time. But I have to be honest with you, your chances are very less. She never was invested in the relationship. Perhaps she never felt the same way about you that you did with her. It'll be better to accept it and concentrate on moving on instead of pursuing her for the next 4 years.
Hi Kevin,
So I'll try to condense the story to be as short as possible, but basically, my ex dumped me about 2 weeks ago. We dated for 4 months. I'll admit I was a wreck because I feel I made a really strong connection with this girl, to the point that we were seriously talking about our future together (even though it was a short amount of time). It's hard to explain, but we definitely had something special. We just couldn't see eye to eye on a few things. But they can totally be fixed. Needless to say I was a wreck. Did the whole begging, hell, even crying thing with her which lasted about 2.5 days to which she said to stop calling her with all my questions. She also said, that when the air was clear we could be friends and that was up to me when that would happen. So I said I'd leave her be and I have. Few days ago she randomly blocked me on facebook which I thought was weird. Anyway, fast forward to today, I broke NC and texted her telling her that she might have a pair of shoes that I really needed for an occasion. I kept it really cool and she even laughed saying, 'I still have your underwear' to which I replied 'I actually have yours too'. (haha awkward I know). She then offered to meet this weekend when she would be back from travelling to do an exchange. I then replied, 'that's cool, let's hold off on the exchange for now. Still don't think it's a good idea to see you just yet.' She responded with, 'I understand. I'll check for you anyway. take care' and I closed the conversation with a prompt. thanks.
My question to you is, what is your take on this, and where do i go from here. Do I start over with the NC?
Thanks in advance for your answer. Really appreciate it. :)
You did the right thing. I recommend you arrange for the exchange 2-3 weeks from now. Don't tell her, just keep low profile until then.
And also, you're saying don't send a letter? I was basically going to say that she made a good call, that the kind of man I was wasn't someone she would be with and that I'm not that anymore etc.
As a follow up to this and with a lot of self reflection, there were a ton of things I did incorrectly in that relationship because I just wasn't mature enough as a man. She was a pretty head strong woman, an alpha, if you can say that. But I wasn't. I was pretty beta and she would reprimand me on the smallest things because she knew I would let her. I'm obviously not like this with everyone, but I made the mistake with love thinking that it was okay if it's a girl you're super into. Wrong.
I know 100 percent things wouldn't go down the same way but I'm pretty sure she still looks at me as weak. Is there really still a chance that she would take me on again or would she be too caught up with the old me?
You are already taking control by refusing her offer to meet up immediately. I don't recall telling you don't send the letter. It's OK if you do. However, leave out the part about you not being that man anymore. It kind of looks like you are saying it just so she would change her mind about you. Let her realize it on her own when she sees you.
You are already taking control by refusing her offer to meet up immediately. I don't recall telling you don't send the letter. It's OK if you do. However, leave out the part about you not being that man anymore. It kind of looks like you are saying it just so she would change her mind about you. Let her realize it on her own when she sees you.
You are already taking control by refusing her offer to meet up immediately. I don't recall telling you don't send the letter. It's OK if you do. However, leave out the part about you not being that man anymore. It kind of looks like you are saying it just so she would change her mind about you. Let her realize it on her own when she sees you.
You are already taking control by refusing her offer to meet up immediately. I don't recall telling you don't send the letter. It's OK if you do. However, leave out the part about you not being that man anymore. It kind of looks like you are saying it just so she would change her mind about you. Let her realize it on her own when she sees you.
And also, you're saying don't send a letter? I was basically going to say that she made a good call, that the kind of man I was wasn't someone she would be with and that I'm not that anymore etc.
As a follow up to this and with a lot of self reflection, there were a ton of things I did incorrectly in that relationship because I just wasn't mature enough as a man. She was a pretty head strong woman, an alpha, if you can say that. But I wasn't. I was pretty beta and she would reprimand me on the smallest things because she knew I would let her. I'm obviously not like this with everyone, but I made the mistake with love thinking that it was okay if it's a girl you're super into. Wrong.
I know 100 percent things wouldn't go down the same way but I'm pretty sure she still looks at me as weak. Is there really still a chance that she would take me on again or would she be too caught up with the old me?
And also, you're saying don't send a letter? I was basically going to say that she made a good call, that the kind of man I was wasn't someone she would be with and that I'm not that anymore etc.
As a follow up to this and with a lot of self reflection, there were a ton of things I did incorrectly in that relationship because I just wasn't mature enough as a man. She was a pretty head strong woman, an alpha, if you can say that. But I wasn't. I was pretty beta and she would reprimand me on the smallest things because she knew I would let her. I'm obviously not like this with everyone, but I made the mistake with love thinking that it was okay if it's a girl you're super into. Wrong.
I know 100 percent things wouldn't go down the same way but I'm pretty sure she still looks at me as weak. Is there really still a chance that she would take me on again or would she be too caught up with the old me?
You did the right thing. I recommend you arrange for the exchange 2-3 weeks from now. Don't tell her, just keep low profile until then.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend got depressed because of a physiological illness, an hormone deficiency, and in spite of my support, she started to feel guilty because she couldn't correspond me in the relationship. Then she decided to breakup saying that she would reach me out when she get better because she cared for me a lot. We ended the night saying we loved each other and after 2 days she sent me a message asking how I was doing. I answered I was working on to get better. After 2 weeks was her birthday and I sent a message wishing positive energy to her and she thanked in a playful way. Then we kept no contact for almost a month and then she again asked me how I was doing. I said I was feeling better, learning to play new musics in my guitar and that I was seeking professional help to handle my conflicts (Before the relationship, I had some personal issues that she asked to help me, but when she started to get worse, she was in no condition to help.). Then I asked about her. She answered that she was really happy and proud to know that I was handling my issues. She said she was starting to get better and tried to go out but didn't work very well. And then she asked if I'm going out to enjoy my life. I didn't answered yet but I will tell her the truth: I am in fact going out and enjoying with my friends and tell about a post I saw that reminded me of her because it related a show we liked with color theory, a subject she loves. I won't tell her but I have some planned dates. I want her back because our relationship was a nice expierence. We learned a lot from each other and we had travel plans. I am pretty sure we would be accomplishing that plans if it wasn't for her condition. Any advices?
Thanks in advance!
Continue light contact. Don't put any pressure on her. Ask her to meet after a month or two of being in contact.
Continue light contact. Don't put any pressure on her. Ask her to meet after a month or two of being in contact.
Kevin,
My girlfriend or ex and I have been dating 2.5 years and have been on a break for a month now. We didn't have any contact during that time. I decide to write a letter have a question about it. The second part of the letter is to apologize for inappropriate behavior after the break up or a break in my case. What if I didn't behave inappropriately after this break? Do I apologize for the reasons she wanted to take a break from the relationship?
Skip the apology part of the letter.
Skip the apology part of the letter.
Hey Kevin! So today ends my 30 day nc rule! I'm excited because I didn't think I make it but here I am alive and well! So at 5:24pm today I'm going send my ex a text. I made it a fun/funny memory of ours and I saved it ready to be sent. Now don't think I just say there waiting for 30 days. I got up and I did my thing! And I'm excited to say that I can see my life with my ex. That we can grow as individuals as well as together we can help each other strive to better ourselves. He hasn't contacted me and I understand I was being a insensitive texting/calling gnat. All up in the mans business ahaha, but I have grown since then and I took on the more positive side of things. Thanks Kevin for everything. This maybe too over positive but I believe that me and my ex are gonna last for a long time doing it the right way. :)
how did it go Nickki?
I love your attitude. Good Luck Nickki. :)
how did it go Nickki?
I love your attitude. Good Luck Nickki. :)
Hello kevin,
its been over 6 weeks now since my ex broke up with me, and after the first 2 weeks we were talking and kinda arguing and i was pushing her away in the end, well thats how i felt, anyway after 1 months of no contact shes contacted me recently just seeing how i was a organised a catch-up, to be honest i was skeptical to catch up with her but in the end it was just a run around the local park, anyway the run was fine, it was just a simply run, but as the catch-up was ending as per say, she kept trying to grab my arm and then suddenly let go, and she kept bringing up what she missed,to be honest i'm curious to see what you think because its mixed signals i'm getting because since then shes been hot and cold with messaging like she will talk to me and then all of a sudden stop and not reply for a couple of days and then start again, so yeah just curious to see what you think
I've written about it in this article.
I've written about it in this article.
Is there a reason my comment isn't up? I would greatly like some advice.
Hey Claire,
I couldn't find your original comment. Please post again, and please read the comments guidelines before doing so.
Hey Claire,
I couldn't find your original comment. Please post again, and please read the comments guidelines before doing so.
Is 3 months too long for no contact or should I cut it shorter to 2 months? One month felt too short to me. Our break up wasn't really that bad, I just really really want him to experience life without me and miss me and regret the breakup. We broke 3 and a half months ago and I've been NC for exactly 6 weeks now. He has not tried to contact me at all. He's 26 and I'm 25 and we were dating for about 7 months unofficially and officially for 1 month before we broke up.
If you think you need 3 months, then go ahead. I don't think it's too long.
If you think you need 3 months, then go ahead. I don't think it's too long.
My ex and I have been broken up for 3 months (we dated for 15) I did make the mistake of freaking out when he started sleeping with some girl after two weeks. Since then however, we decided to be friends, so we actually do talk and hang out. We live in different states though, and are now both home for the summer. I was wondering if No Contact is still an option? Or since we've already moved on to being friends if it would be in effective at this point? He already accuses me of making him be the only one who makes an effort to be friends, since I rarely contact him first. Would starting NC now be too out of left field/ineffective?
My only concern though is he only wants to be friends. I want more than that, and I want him to to see me as more than that. I worry that he's just keeping me around to keep his friend count up.
Thank you so much for your help.
I should also probably mention that out of spite I said we would probably never get back together, as did he, but I think we've both moved past saying it's impossible, more just unlikely. Last time it came up he said 'some maturing is definitely required on both our parts'. I really don't want to be just friends though. I don't know how to make him see that without looking desperate though.
Hey Brittany,
In that case, no contact can help you. Especially if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact. Tell him you are not ready for friendship yet and you need some space and time right now.
My ex texted me 8 days into no contact, and I responded, though I mostly controlled the conversation and chose when to end it. He texted again two days later, but I ignored it because I figured I shouldn't have answered the other in the first place. Do I have to start the 30 days over? I'm afraid that since we've been trying the friends thing for a while he'll get mad at me for ignoring him or saying I need space, and just decide fine, I don't need her. I think the reason he broke up with me in the first place was because I was depressed and he thought I wasn't trying to be happy anymore. I feel like if I day I need space he'll assume it's because I'm still depressed. Or should I just post a bunch of happy statuses on FB?
Also, I don't have his mailing address so I the future I won't have it for the letter, what should I do regarding that?
I don't think telling him you need space is going to have a negative effect. Even if he thinks you are depressed, you telling him you need space shows that you are taking control of your life and you are doing what is necessary to help your depression.
I don't think telling him you need space is going to have a negative effect. Even if he thinks you are depressed, you telling him you need space shows that you are taking control of your life and you are doing what is necessary to help your depression.
I don't think telling him you need space is going to have a negative effect. Even if he thinks you are depressed, you telling him you need space shows that you are taking control of your life and you are doing what is necessary to help your depression.
I don't think telling him you need space is going to have a negative effect. Even if he thinks you are depressed, you telling him you need space shows that you are taking control of your life and you are doing what is necessary to help your depression.
I don't think telling him you need space is going to have a negative effect. Even if he thinks you are depressed, you telling him you need space shows that you are taking control of your life and you are doing what is necessary to help your depression.
I don't think telling him you need space is going to have a negative effect. Even if he thinks you are depressed, you telling him you need space shows that you are taking control of your life and you are doing what is necessary to help your depression.
My ex texted me 8 days into no contact, and I responded, though I mostly controlled the conversation and chose when to end it. He texted again two days later, but I ignored it because I figured I shouldn't have answered the other in the first place. Do I have to start the 30 days over? I'm afraid that since we've been trying the friends thing for a while he'll get mad at me for ignoring him or saying I need space, and just decide fine, I don't need her. I think the reason he broke up with me in the first place was because I was depressed and he thought I wasn't trying to be happy anymore. I feel like if I day I need space he'll assume it's because I'm still depressed. Or should I just post a bunch of happy statuses on FB?
Also, I don't have his mailing address so I the future I won't have it for the letter, what should I do regarding that?
My ex texted me 8 days into no contact, and I responded, though I mostly controlled the conversation and chose when to end it. He texted again two days later, but I ignored it because I figured I shouldn't have answered the other in the first place. Do I have to start the 30 days over? I'm afraid that since we've been trying the friends thing for a while he'll get mad at me for ignoring him or saying I need space, and just decide fine, I don't need her. I think the reason he broke up with me in the first place was because I was depressed and he thought I wasn't trying to be happy anymore. I feel like if I day I need space he'll assume it's because I'm still depressed. Or should I just post a bunch of happy statuses on FB?
Also, I don't have his mailing address so I the future I won't have it for the letter, what should I do regarding that?
My ex texted me 8 days into no contact, and I responded, though I mostly controlled the conversation and chose when to end it. He texted again two days later, but I ignored it because I figured I shouldn't have answered the other in the first place. Do I have to start the 30 days over? I'm afraid that since we've been trying the friends thing for a while he'll get mad at me for ignoring him or saying I need space, and just decide fine, I don't need her. I think the reason he broke up with me in the first place was because I was depressed and he thought I wasn't trying to be happy anymore. I feel like if I day I need space he'll assume it's because I'm still depressed. Or should I just post a bunch of happy statuses on FB?
Also, I don't have his mailing address so I the future I won't have it for the letter, what should I do regarding that?
My ex texted me 8 days into no contact, and I responded, though I mostly controlled the conversation and chose when to end it. He texted again two days later, but I ignored it because I figured I shouldn't have answered the other in the first place. Do I have to start the 30 days over? I'm afraid that since we've been trying the friends thing for a while he'll get mad at me for ignoring him or saying I need space, and just decide fine, I don't need her. I think the reason he broke up with me in the first place was because I was depressed and he thought I wasn't trying to be happy anymore. I feel like if I day I need space he'll assume it's because I'm still depressed. Or should I just post a bunch of happy statuses on FB?
Also, I don't have his mailing address so I the future I won't have it for the letter, what should I do regarding that?
Hey Brittany,
In that case, no contact can help you. Especially if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact. Tell him you are not ready for friendship yet and you need some space and time right now.
Hey Brittany,
In that case, no contact can help you. Especially if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact. Tell him you are not ready for friendship yet and you need some space and time right now.
Hey Brittany,
In that case, no contact can help you. Especially if you make a lot of positive changes in your life during no contact. Tell him you are not ready for friendship yet and you need some space and time right now.
I should also probably mention that out of spite I said we would probably never get back together, as did he, but I think we've both moved past saying it's impossible, more just unlikely. Last time it came up he said 'some maturing is definitely required on both our parts'. I really don't want to be just friends though. I don't know how to make him see that without looking desperate though.
I should also probably mention that out of spite I said we would probably never get back together, as did he, but I think we've both moved past saying it's impossible, more just unlikely. Last time it came up he said 'some maturing is definitely required on both our parts'. I really don't want to be just friends though. I don't know how to make him see that without looking desperate though.
If you have a friendship going and he is chasing you (even for being friends), I'll recommend you skip no contact. This is assuming you are absolutely sure you want him back and you know that you can have a long and healthy relationship with him.
My only concern though is he only wants to be friends. I want more than that, and I want him to to see me as more than that. I worry that he's just keeping me around to keep his friend count up.
Thank you so much for your help.
If you have a friendship going and he is chasing you (even for being friends), I'll recommend you skip no contact. This is assuming you are absolutely sure you want him back and you know that you can have a long and healthy relationship with him.
Your article was very informative and I enjoyed reading it.
I am wanted to get back together with my ex-boyfriend. Long story, short.. my ex and I broke up 5 months ago. I initated NC for about 2 months and he reached out to me. We were going to try again but I pushed for a relationship and he bailed. We lost contact again for about a month or so. When we started talking again he was in a relationship and was living with her after a month of dating. I assumed this was a rebound and we kept talking. Last weekend he told her he wanted to get back together with me and wanted her to move out. We spoke the next day and told me what happend but also said he was confused and that he's trying to figure out if he truly wants to get back together. I said a little bit too much such as; I love him and want to make a future together. He hasn't contacted me since. So my question is, should I keep talking to him as just a friend or should I initiate NC once again?
Back off for a while. Let him contact you. Don't push him into anything and don't try to pursuade him. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Back off for a while. Let him contact you. Don't push him into anything and don't try to pursuade him. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Kevin,
I will try to keep this semi short without leaving out too many key details. So my ex who I have been best friends with for the past 4 years (and has been obsessed with me ever since we met) and dated for the past 5-6 months, pretty much out of nowhere dumbed me via text message. Less than 2 days from when she did it we had been talking like everything was perfect. Then she went silent for a day and a half (I didn't think anything of it because she works a lot). I called her twice then texted her to see if something was wrong/what the hell was going on and thats when she said basically we are breaking up but when she moves back to where I live in the fall (she is in a different city for the summer but we knew all this going into our relationship) we could try to start things off slowly again and see where things go. ( her idea not me begging). She has said she really wants to stay best friends too though/not lose me in her life. I for one am very insulted and hurt she texted me this instead of calling, face timing, skyping, meeting in person etc. especially when I called her twice and she purposely didn't pick up. Plus she hasn't said anything in a week and a half. Now I know your NC rule, I have been using it since before I read this article, and haven't communicated with her at all. I am just confused how someone who supposedly says I am her best friend and who I have helped out more in life then her own father it doesn't add up that she would use the cowardliest/easiest/most disrespectful way of breaking up with someone. So guess my questions are: Do you think I should still go after her? ( I want to but wanted your thoughts) Do you think I still have a chance? and lastly how should I handle the fact that she broke up over text? (Do I let it go or somehow let her know that is the most cowardly immature way to break up with someone you have known and loved for so many years?)
I agree it's a cowardly way, but if that's the only reason you are considering moving on, then it's not a good one. You should be thinking whether or not you to would make a good couple and whether or not you two could have a long and healthy relationship together. You shouldn't be considering whether or not she breaks up in person. What you should be thinking about is the fact that she decided to breakup instead of working on whatever the issue was. Not how she chose to breakup. If you want a long and healthy relationship with her, you will need to know that she won't bail without at least trying to fix the issue first.
A lot of breakups that happen face to face go a lot worse than yours. People say mean things, cry, become abusive, sometimes even get physical. Different people deal with breakups differently. It's such a hard thing to do, and I don't think you should hold it against her the way she chose to breakup. And yes, you do have a chance.
I agree it's a cowardly way, but if that's the only reason you are considering moving on, then it's not a good one. You should be thinking whether or not you to would make a good couple and whether or not you two could have a long and healthy relationship together. You shouldn't be considering whether or not she breaks up in person. What you should be thinking about is the fact that she decided to breakup instead of working on whatever the issue was. Not how she chose to breakup. If you want a long and healthy relationship with her, you will need to know that she won't bail without at least trying to fix the issue first.
A lot of breakups that happen face to face go a lot worse than yours. People say mean things, cry, become abusive, sometimes even get physical. Different people deal with breakups differently. It's such a hard thing to do, and I don't think you should hold it against her the way she chose to breakup. And yes, you do have a chance.
Hi,
My girlfriend of two years ( 1 and a half years living together) just left me. We tried to work things out through fb messages since she didnt want to go out for lunch. During our conversations, it would be a mix of arguments and about how we love each other. She even asked me if I would get mad if she dated so she can get over me. This went on for two weeks (on and off - sometimes she would ignore me because she wasnt happy with our talks) until she decided to ignore me completely last Monday. She called me all sorts of awful names before blocking me on fb. After that, i texted her non stop. But when i asked if i could get my things back. She replied. We decided to exchange our things but she didnt showed up. She asked her cousin to meet with me instead. Basically, I was heartbroken, publicly. Did she did that as revenge? I asked her why but she never texted me back.
After the incident, i kept on calling and texting her - my mistake! She wont even reply if it's something about her dog.
My question is do I still have a chance? She told me i was too controlling and gets easily mad. She wouldnt hear my explanations. I was the only one who handled household, money and pet stuff while we're together. Every time I would asked her to do something (cleaning the dishes, etc.) and she doesnt, thats when i get mad.
To be honest, I really dont know whats the real reason we broke up. I want to work things out, sometimes she would want the same time thing. Sometimes she doesnt. Is our relationship beyond repair or going through NC?
Thanks
Hey Han,
You still have a chance. Follow the plan. Although, you are going to have the same issues even if you do get her back (with the household stuff). Think it through during no contact.
Hey Han,
You still have a chance. Follow the plan. Although, you are going to have the same issues even if you do get her back (with the household stuff). Think it through during no contact.
hey kevin
i sent you my last message on may 10th,my ex and i met the last night before my flight and that night he said he loves me the way he always did and i showed up my feelings either.but i wasn't needy at all.he talked about his future plans and i was included in it.but he didn't mention getting back again.
at the end of the night he asked me to call him when i arrive to the country so he knows i'm safe.i texted him and he replied soon and said thank you, be safe. i sent him another message saying now that i know your feelings, don't think that i'm expecting anything .we should just let things go on their way. and he said that's how he feels.the other night i went out with some of our mutual friends that live here and one of them started talking behind his back,i was really drunk and confused,after i got home i sent him a text message unfortunately full of insults showing that i believed his friend.
he got really sad and angry and said these are not true .he said like 100 times that he loves me but i acted like i didn't care.he send his friend a message and sent me all the conversation between them that showed that guy was completely lying.the next day my ex said i didn't expect you to believe some stranger like this and let someone mess with your feelings about me this easy.again i didn't apologize and said no one impressed me and i'm just sad because i see if you really loved me you could be with me and that's you never asked after the break up.
he said he needed some time to forget the pressure late in our relationship and also he wanted me to calm down so we could start fresh without any fight and pressure,then he added now that he sees i'm acting like before it's good that he has not ask me to get back because he couldn't imagine if he had what would it be like if i believed his friend and say all those things to him.after that we weren't in touch for 2 days.
yesterday i uploaded some photos on facebook that i was with his friend's ( the guy who talked behind him) girl friend,she is also my very old friend but my ex never liked her that much, and after that night he was worse than ever. first he liked all of my photos but after about 10 minutes he sent me a message on facebook and said you'd better off without me and hang out with the friends that screwed our relationship and ruined everything between us.
i said she had nothing to do with this and she said nothing bad about you. he said she never wanted us to be with each other and your ok with this.i said he did the same thing ( his friends don't like me and all he was doing was hanging out with them) . then he got more angry and insulted every one who came between us to ruin our relationship and finally insulted me.then he asked me to block him from facebook. i said i'm not doing this so he did.i know it was a long story and i did so many mistakes but i really needed to talk to you cuz i'm really confused and have no idea what to do.please help me kevin.i will do whatever you say to get him back.
thank you
Hey a.z,
You should start no contact again and give him some time to calm down. Although, if he contacts you, you should end no contact and start talking to him. You have to let it be his idea to get back together and not pressure him into anything. Whatever happened, is already done. From now on, you need to be calm and confident and try not to any arguments with him.
thank you very much kevin.
kevin,
am i in death's door because he has blocked me on facebook? i'm kind of confused.want to know how to act after NC. and do you think he will ever try to make any contact again?
Yes, you are in death's door if he blocked you on FB.
Yes, you are in death's door if he blocked you on FB.
Yes, you are in death's door if he blocked you on FB.
Yes, you are in death's door if he blocked you on FB.
Yes, you are in death's door if he blocked you on FB.
kevin,
am i in death's door because he has blocked me on facebook? i'm kind of confused.want to know how to act after NC. and do you think he will ever try to make any contact again?
kevin,
am i in death's door because he has blocked me on facebook? i'm kind of confused.want to know how to act after NC. and do you think he will ever try to make any contact again?
kevin,
am i in death's door because he has blocked me on facebook? i'm kind of confused.want to know how to act after NC. and do you think he will ever try to make any contact again?
thank you very much kevin.
thank you very much kevin.
Hey a.z,
You should start no contact again and give him some time to calm down. Although, if he contacts you, you should end no contact and start talking to him. You have to let it be his idea to get back together and not pressure him into anything. Whatever happened, is already done. From now on, you need to be calm and confident and try not to any arguments with him.
Okay so my girlfriend of 2 years broke up about 2 months ago now, and ever since we broke up shes been talking to another guy, and after a month of being broken up they started dating, and now they've been dating for a month now, after we broke up we talked for a few weeks, i tried everything to get her back, I made every single mistake that you've listed on your website, I went into no contact but I ended up breaking and txting her asking to talk, now a week ago she calls me, and we talked, everything went okay, then we stopped talking, but then she ended calling me back an hour later and told me she treats her new boyfriend badly because of me? I just wanted to know what does that mean, does she still care about and just cant get me off her mind? I just really need to know, and if we have any chance of getting back together, I lied about some stupid things in our relationship but she did somethings to so it wasnt all me, everyone tells me to let her go, and I kind of have, I've been talking to a new girl but it just isnt the same, I just want to know what all this means, help.
Her new relationship is a rebound. She does care about you and you are probably on her mind most of the time. And you do have a chance. Read the 5 step plan.
Her new relationship is a rebound. She does care about you and you are probably on her mind most of the time. And you do have a chance. Read the 5 step plan.
I need some advice on the NC. It's been 12 days but she has contacted me and is coming tomorrow to exchange items. I have been concise and civil and just ok'd it basically. How do i react when she is here should I be fun or just nonchalant? Does this reset my no contact? I thought i was doing pretty damn well at getting on with my life and moving on, well on course for 30days but this encounter has thrown me a little. Its only a brief visit from what i can tell as she has to attend elsewhere shortly after. (we were long distance 70miles) help!
You don't have to reset no contact. Don't talk about anything personal. Be cordial and don't show any signs of neediness.
You don't have to reset no contact. Don't talk about anything personal. Be cordial and don't show any signs of neediness.
Hi Kevin, we talked about my relationship in the past, I followed no contact for a month and she contacted me about exchanging our things after no contact. she was mean and really angry with me for some reason ( she told me later that she saw me with other girl walking in the mall, this was my date to get over my ex) But things got ugly, when I sent the hand written letter after NC for 2 weeks after the exchange, she responded that the letter looked like I was exepecting us to get together, and thats not gonna happen. I emailed her back saying " thats not what I meant, I just want us to be friends we don't have to be enemies, I replied in a casual way and wanted my things back. She said If I wanted to talk I could have called her anytime during the last month. I said I needed some space to myself just like you did..And I'm dating someone else now.
She does not want to be friends anymore and got a job, moving like a hour away close to the city. I went to meet her when she was moving and we had a tiny talk, but she looked really mean and not wanting to talk to me as friends. So I said, i just wanted to meet you before you leave.
My mom emailed her with out my knowledge and she is talking to her friendly but when it comes to me she is sounding mean. I don't want to put her in any uncomfortable situation, so I called her and left a voice mess that I heard my mom contacted you, but if you are uncomfortable I will ask her not to, but she responded, she dont mind talking to her and she shouldn't have responded if she dint want to.
I really dont know what she is thinking. She is really being mean to me and nice to everyone around me. I'm getting tired of this behavior. She invited all friends on Facebook for an event including me, but then I asked her in the same voice mess, if she feels uncomfortable me being at her event, I wont come. She text-ed me back " you don't have to come to my show". I don't know what that means. should I go or NO go? I was gonna go with couple of my friends to check out her ART gallery. NO CONTACT Pissed her off!! she is thinking I got over her so easy and the other girl incident got her really mad. WHAT IS MY NEXT STEP?
Hey Narr,
Some people react this way to NC. You shouldn't contact her as long as she is acting rude to you. The more you contact her, the more rude she will act. I'll recommend you start no contact again. This time, make it 2 months. It'll give her enough time to calm down and let go of the anger. If she contacts you, you have the option of responding to her. But keep it short and if she starts being rude again, tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
I know you feel like no contact pisses her off. But the fact is, she is acting rude and mean to you. And if you keep talking to her, she'll think it's OK to be mean to you. You have to stand up to yourself and put yourself before her. You have to send across a message that it's not OK for her to act this way to you. If you put up with her irrational and rude behavior, then you are just telling her you are a needy insecure guy who will put up with anything as long as he gets to talk to her.
You are right! Before even seeing this response, I told her the same.
She has been disrespectful in her responses to my texts, So I said we can't be friends anymore, Don't be a coward, deal with your stuff and not run away from it. Later she un-friended me on FB which did not bother me much, she do not deserve me. This is not the person I loved, so I decided not to have her in my life. Thanks for your suggestions Kevin.
You are right! Before even seeing this response, I told her the same.
She has been disrespectful in her responses to my texts, So I said we can't be friends anymore, Don't be a coward, deal with your stuff and not run away from it. Later she un-friended me on FB which did not bother me much, she do not deserve me. This is not the person I loved, so I decided not to have her in my life. Thanks for your suggestions Kevin.
You are right! Before even seeing this response, I told her the same.
She has been disrespectful in her responses to my texts, So I said we can't be friends anymore, Don't be a coward, deal with your stuff and not run away from it. Later she un-friended me on FB which did not bother me much, she do not deserve me. This is not the person I loved, so I decided not to have her in my life. Thanks for your suggestions Kevin.
Hey Narr,
Some people react this way to NC. You shouldn't contact her as long as she is acting rude to you. The more you contact her, the more rude she will act. I'll recommend you start no contact again. This time, make it 2 months. It'll give her enough time to calm down and let go of the anger. If she contacts you, you have the option of responding to her. But keep it short and if she starts being rude again, tell her you need space and time and start no contact.
I know you feel like no contact pisses her off. But the fact is, she is acting rude and mean to you. And if you keep talking to her, she'll think it's OK to be mean to you. You have to stand up to yourself and put yourself before her. You have to send across a message that it's not OK for her to act this way to you. If you put up with her irrational and rude behavior, then you are just telling her you are a needy insecure guy who will put up with anything as long as he gets to talk to her.
Hey Kevin,
My comment has not yet been answered, and I felt that it wasn't explained in the article or any of the others on your website. Anyway, here's the question again; If I am forced to sit or communicate (be in close proximity with) my ex girlfriend, do I have to start no contact again? How should I treat her if she tries to talk to me?
It's here.
It's here.
Hello! I am trying to add a post again about my situation..
I met someone online before Xmas, and we talked a lot for a long time and decided to meet in February. Up until about the middle of April, we hang out together.. I know it's not a very long period, but I felt I never met a guy I could be myself with that way and for the first time in my life I actually felt lonely when he wasn't there. And I felt that he really really liked me.. We met maybe twice a week. But at the end, we had a stupid fight I deeply regret.. We had some minor argue mental before this as well but nothing serious, and every time we met we had a great time although we are very different..
But during this fight (over fb), I got angry as he wasn't going to join me at a party although he gave me every reason to believe so.. And I had felt a bit that he didn't make me a priority and he was very busy with work and so on.. So I felt I had enough and yelled and said things I didn't mean.. I told him right after that u was sorry about it all but he started to pull away from me and stopped answering my calls or my messages.. I must Admit that I sent a looot of msgs and called a lot and it was horrible for me that he never answered no Mather what I tried.. But during this time I have received two long msgs from him after nagging and he was telling me about personal issues and that he feel like being alone.. But when I met him he said he wanted a relationship and was all over me for a long time until he started to pull away.. I felt like I ruined it more and more as the few times he reponded, I nagged more and I felt that he pulled more and more away.. :( and I have been very sad as I felt that something good could happend.. He even said hello on Facebook once but never answered more back.. I feel his behavior is very weird.. And hurtful as he hasn't even talked to me face to face about it. So after a long while, for about 11 days ago I gave up my desperate behavior and wrote to him after a lot of mess that I wouldn't contact him more and that he could contact me later or if he felt like it.. I felt a bit like a doormat saying that but I like him a lot.. But deep inside I know I have done everything wrong.. But I can't stop thinking about him.. Is there any hope? He seemed very into before he started to treat me like air.. But I know I he feels bad as he told me and he even blamed things on his personal issues. But I am not sure if it is an excuse or the truth.
I am on my 11th day of no contact but as he is kind of a cold type, I'm scared that he will just forget about me like that? I opened a lot to him and told him many things about me and he seemed so interested in me as a person.
And do I have to start the Nc all over again if I liked two pics in face? I was weak..
And should I ever contact him again? Or just let thin pass?...
You don't have to start NC again. He will not forget about you so easily. There is hope. You should contact him after 30 days of no contact. Make sure you read the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before ending no contact.
Thanks for all your reply Kevin! But I have no idea what to say to him when it's time to make a move..? I'm in my 22 days of no contact now.. And what it he has changed his number or doesn't reply? Should I try to write some other place?.. Cus I'm scared of that.
And also, what to talk about if we ever meet? Isn't it kinda fake to sit and talk about anything else than the situation that occurred ?
And isn't 30 days a bit long if your relationship didn't last for more than a few months? Cus maybe he forgot all about me.
Hey Perni,
OK I misread your last comment about seeing each other for only a few months. In that case, 2-3 weeks of no contact is sufficient. But you should still read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 before ending no contact. What to say when you contact him is written in the 5 step plan. And when you meet, exes are very much interested in what's going on in their ex's life. It won't feel forced or fake. If they want to talk about the relationship, you can just say that it's all in the past and it's not necessary to talk about it.
Hello Kevin.. I still haven't contacted him Cus I am afraid of it.. Are you sure it is the right thing to do if I miss him? Cus everyone says I have to move on. And also, I don't know if he is at home now or still on his trip.. Should I just do it today even though he may still be at his trip?.. And could I just say that I walked by a place that reminded me of him or is it better to use something with humor? Cus I still struggle with what to say.. I want to say something that doesn't make it embarrassing for me if I don't get a reply ..
Hey Perni,
If you don't feel ready, wait another week or two. The text seems fine. It'll not make you look needy. Don't worry about it.
Hey Perni,
If you don't feel ready, wait another week or two. The text seems fine. It'll not make you look needy. Don't worry about it.
Hey Perni,
If you don't feel ready, wait another week or two. The text seems fine. It'll not make you look needy. Don't worry about it.
Hey Perni,
If you don't feel ready, wait another week or two. The text seems fine. It'll not make you look needy. Don't worry about it.
Hey Perni,
If you don't feel ready, wait another week or two. The text seems fine. It'll not make you look needy. Don't worry about it.
Hey Perni,
If you don't feel ready, wait another week or two. The text seems fine. It'll not make you look needy. Don't worry about it.
It means for example.. But I forgot that I was writing in English and not my own language :p so both options is equally good? I should do it soon right? But the problem is that I don't know if he is at home or still away.. But the main key is to stay positive in the messages ? And relaxed? Thanks for all your answers! But if I have to wait a few weeks again if he doesn't answer, what should I write then ?..
If he doesn't answer even after a few weeks, then you should do NC again. But this time, you should realize your chances are very less and you should consider moving on.
If he doesn't answer even after a few weeks, then you should do NC again. But this time, you should realize your chances are very less and you should consider moving on.
If he doesn't answer even after a few weeks, then you should do NC again. But this time, you should realize your chances are very less and you should consider moving on.
If he doesn't answer even after a few weeks, then you should do NC again. But this time, you should realize your chances are very less and you should consider moving on.
If he doesn't answer even after a few weeks, then you should do NC again. But this time, you should realize your chances are very less and you should consider moving on.
If he doesn't answer even after a few weeks, then you should do NC again. But this time, you should realize your chances are very less and you should consider moving on.
I think maybe I would feel better to Feks remind him of the place we had our first proper date and ask for the name of the place since I want to go there again with aime friends? And even mention that I had a good time there with him or something? Cus wouldn't it be weird to just mention a movie or a series or a song I thought he might like? Cus that's my second option....sorry it just feel weird and even like a bit obvious that I am just contacting him to get his attention? Won't he see right through it? Idk when he will be home, but soon i guess. Sorry for all my questions but i am afraid to make a mistake
Well, it's not entirely obvious. Of course, he might be suspicious. But if you don't show any signs of neediness in your conversation, he suspicion will go away. I like both the options that you mentioned.
PS: what is feks?
Well, it's not entirely obvious. Of course, he might be suspicious. But if you don't show any signs of neediness in your conversation, he suspicion will go away. I like both the options that you mentioned.
PS: what is feks?
Well, it's not entirely obvious. Of course, he might be suspicious. But if you don't show any signs of neediness in your conversation, he suspicion will go away. I like both the options that you mentioned.
PS: what is feks?
Well, it's not entirely obvious. Of course, he might be suspicious. But if you don't show any signs of neediness in your conversation, he suspicion will go away. I like both the options that you mentioned.
PS: what is feks?
Well, it's not entirely obvious. Of course, he might be suspicious. But if you don't show any signs of neediness in your conversation, he suspicion will go away. I like both the options that you mentioned.
PS: what is feks?
Well, it's not entirely obvious. Of course, he might be suspicious. But if you don't show any signs of neediness in your conversation, he suspicion will go away. I like both the options that you mentioned.
PS: what is feks?
I don't think a letter is the right thing to do as he scares easily.. I was thinking about just write a message.. Or is this wrong? I was also thinking about saying that a song or something reminded me of him but could I also ask for a name on a place since me and some friends are going there? What is best? Cus the first one is more personal I think.. Saying something remindeds.. I have to do it soon but I am so afraid to write something wrong .... But I guess I need to answer today or tomorrow but I think maybe he is on a trip. Is it best to wait until I'm sure he is home?.. And what if he changes number without me knowing? Thanks..
It's better to wait until he comes back. Use the song message. If he changes his number, you probably won't hear back from him. In which case, you can use facebook or email to contact him after a few weeks.
It's better to wait until he comes back. Use the song message. If he changes his number, you probably won't hear back from him. In which case, you can use facebook or email to contact him after a few weeks.
It's better to wait until he comes back. Use the song message. If he changes his number, you probably won't hear back from him. In which case, you can use facebook or email to contact him after a few weeks.
It's better to wait until he comes back. Use the song message. If he changes his number, you probably won't hear back from him. In which case, you can use facebook or email to contact him after a few weeks.
It's better to wait until he comes back. Use the song message. If he changes his number, you probably won't hear back from him. In which case, you can use facebook or email to contact him after a few weeks.
It's better to wait until he comes back. Use the song message. If he changes his number, you probably won't hear back from him. In which case, you can use facebook or email to contact him after a few weeks.
Hi.. I am about to contact him soon so it would be nice if I could get an answer soon Cus I don't know what to write even though I read the 5 step.. And I am afraid to be rejectes
Perni,
Use the "something reminded me of you" text.
Perni,
Use the "something reminded me of you" text.
Perni,
Use the "something reminded me of you" text.
Perni,
Use the "something reminded me of you" text.
Perni,
Use the "something reminded me of you" text.
Perni,
Use the "something reminded me of you" text.
Ok thanks. But could I still wait for 30 days? But I don't know what to say when I contact.. And what if he don't reply my text?.. Or what if he changed his number, what shall I do then? But wouldn't he already have contacted me if he really liked me?
And if he doesn't reply me, how can I ask for us to meet?... But I don't know what to write to him.. I'm on my 22 day of no contact but somehow I'm very scared of making a move Cus I dont know if he likes me anymore, has forgotten about me.. And I feel like I'm the looser here if he doesn't answer... And thinking about me being needy in the past and all.. And again: wouldn't he already have contacted me if he was still interested?.. And if he rejects me, should I just delete him? But everything else u have said to me still counts? Thanks ..
Hey Perni,
You can use the "something reminded me of you text" in the 5 step plan. If you want, you can send him the hand written letter first. If he doesn't answer, then you should do NC for another 2-3 weeks and try again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
Hey Perni,
You can use the "something reminded me of you text" in the 5 step plan. If you want, you can send him the hand written letter first. If he doesn't answer, then you should do NC for another 2-3 weeks and try again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
Hey Perni,
You can use the "something reminded me of you text" in the 5 step plan. If you want, you can send him the hand written letter first. If he doesn't answer, then you should do NC for another 2-3 weeks and try again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
Hey Perni,
You can use the "something reminded me of you text" in the 5 step plan. If you want, you can send him the hand written letter first. If he doesn't answer, then you should do NC for another 2-3 weeks and try again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
Hey Perni,
You can use the "something reminded me of you text" in the 5 step plan. If you want, you can send him the hand written letter first. If he doesn't answer, then you should do NC for another 2-3 weeks and try again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
Hey Perni,
You can use the "something reminded me of you text" in the 5 step plan. If you want, you can send him the hand written letter first. If he doesn't answer, then you should do NC for another 2-3 weeks and try again. If he still doesn't reply, you should consider moving on.
Hello Kevin.. I still haven't contacted him Cus I am afraid of it.. Are you sure it is the right thing to do if I miss him? Cus everyone says I have to move on. And also, I don't know if he is at home now or still on his trip.. Should I just do it today even though he may still be at his trip?.. And could I just say that I walked by a place that reminded me of him or is it better to use something with humor? Cus I still struggle with what to say.. I want to say something that doesn't make it embarrassing for me if I don't get a reply ..
It means for example.. But I forgot that I was writing in English and not my own language :p so both options is equally good? I should do it soon right? But the problem is that I don't know if he is at home or still away.. But the main key is to stay positive in the messages ? And relaxed? Thanks for all your answers! But if I have to wait a few weeks again if he doesn't answer, what should I write then ?..
I think maybe I would feel better to Feks remind him of the place we had our first proper date and ask for the name of the place since I want to go there again with aime friends? And even mention that I had a good time there with him or something? Cus wouldn't it be weird to just mention a movie or a series or a song I thought he might like? Cus that's my second option....sorry it just feel weird and even like a bit obvious that I am just contacting him to get his attention? Won't he see right through it? Idk when he will be home, but soon i guess. Sorry for all my questions but i am afraid to make a mistake
I don't think a letter is the right thing to do as he scares easily.. I was thinking about just write a message.. Or is this wrong? I was also thinking about saying that a song or something reminded me of him but could I also ask for a name on a place since me and some friends are going there? What is best? Cus the first one is more personal I think.. Saying something remindeds.. I have to do it soon but I am so afraid to write something wrong .... But I guess I need to answer today or tomorrow but I think maybe he is on a trip. Is it best to wait until I'm sure he is home?.. And what if he changes number without me knowing? Thanks..
Hi.. I am about to contact him soon so it would be nice if I could get an answer soon Cus I don't know what to write even though I read the 5 step.. And I am afraid to be rejectes
Ok thanks. But could I still wait for 30 days? But I don't know what to say when I contact.. And what if he don't reply my text?.. Or what if he changed his number, what shall I do then? But wouldn't he already have contacted me if he really liked me?
And if he doesn't reply me, how can I ask for us to meet?... But I don't know what to write to him.. I'm on my 22 day of no contact but somehow I'm very scared of making a move Cus I dont know if he likes me anymore, has forgotten about me.. And I feel like I'm the looser here if he doesn't answer... And thinking about me being needy in the past and all.. And again: wouldn't he already have contacted me if he was still interested?.. And if he rejects me, should I just delete him? But everything else u have said to me still counts? Thanks ..
Hello Kevin.. I still haven't contacted him Cus I am afraid of it.. Are you sure it is the right thing to do if I miss him? Cus everyone says I have to move on. And also, I don't know if he is at home now or still on his trip.. Should I just do it today even though he may still be at his trip?.. And could I just say that I walked by a place that reminded me of him or is it better to use something with humor? Cus I still struggle with what to say.. I want to say something that doesn't make it embarrassing for me if I don't get a reply ..
It means for example.. But I forgot that I was writing in English and not my own language :p so both options is equally good? I should do it soon right? But the problem is that I don't know if he is at home or still away.. But the main key is to stay positive in the messages ? And relaxed? Thanks for all your answers! But if I have to wait a few weeks again if he doesn't answer, what should I write then ?..
I think maybe I would feel better to Feks remind him of the place we had our first proper date and ask for the name of the place since I want to go there again with aime friends? And even mention that I had a good time there with him or something? Cus wouldn't it be weird to just mention a movie or a series or a song I thought he might like? Cus that's my second option....sorry it just feel weird and even like a bit obvious that I am just contacting him to get his attention? Won't he see right through it? Idk when he will be home, but soon i guess. Sorry for all my questions but i am afraid to make a mistake
I don't think a letter is the right thing to do as he scares easily.. I was thinking about just write a message.. Or is this wrong? I was also thinking about saying that a song or something reminded me of him but could I also ask for a name on a place since me and some friends are going there? What is best? Cus the first one is more personal I think.. Saying something remindeds.. I have to do it soon but I am so afraid to write something wrong .... But I guess I need to answer today or tomorrow but I think maybe he is on a trip. Is it best to wait until I'm sure he is home?.. And what if he changes number without me knowing? Thanks..
Hi.. I am about to contact him soon so it would be nice if I could get an answer soon Cus I don't know what to write even though I read the 5 step.. And I am afraid to be rejectes
Ok thanks. But could I still wait for 30 days? But I don't know what to say when I contact.. And what if he don't reply my text?.. Or what if he changed his number, what shall I do then? But wouldn't he already have contacted me if he really liked me?
And if he doesn't reply me, how can I ask for us to meet?... But I don't know what to write to him.. I'm on my 22 day of no contact but somehow I'm very scared of making a move Cus I dont know if he likes me anymore, has forgotten about me.. And I feel like I'm the looser here if he doesn't answer... And thinking about me being needy in the past and all.. And again: wouldn't he already have contacted me if he was still interested?.. And if he rejects me, should I just delete him? But everything else u have said to me still counts? Thanks ..
Hello Kevin.. I still haven't contacted him Cus I am afraid of it.. Are you sure it is the right thing to do if I miss him? Cus everyone says I have to move on. And also, I don't know if he is at home now or still on his trip.. Should I just do it today even though he may still be at his trip?.. And could I just say that I walked by a place that reminded me of him or is it better to use something with humor? Cus I still struggle with what to say.. I want to say something that doesn't make it embarrassing for me if I don't get a reply ..
It means for example.. But I forgot that I was writing in English and not my own language :p so both options is equally good? I should do it soon right? But the problem is that I don't know if he is at home or still away.. But the main key is to stay positive in the messages ? And relaxed? Thanks for all your answers! But if I have to wait a few weeks again if he doesn't answer, what should I write then ?..
I think maybe I would feel better to Feks remind him of the place we had our first proper date and ask for the name of the place since I want to go there again with aime friends? And even mention that I had a good time there with him or something? Cus wouldn't it be weird to just mention a movie or a series or a song I thought he might like? Cus that's my second option....sorry it just feel weird and even like a bit obvious that I am just contacting him to get his attention? Won't he see right through it? Idk when he will be home, but soon i guess. Sorry for all my questions but i am afraid to make a mistake
I don't think a letter is the right thing to do as he scares easily.. I was thinking about just write a message.. Or is this wrong? I was also thinking about saying that a song or something reminded me of him but could I also ask for a name on a place since me and some friends are going there? What is best? Cus the first one is more personal I think.. Saying something remindeds.. I have to do it soon but I am so afraid to write something wrong .... But I guess I need to answer today or tomorrow but I think maybe he is on a trip. Is it best to wait until I'm sure he is home?.. And what if he changes number without me knowing? Thanks..
Hi.. I am about to contact him soon so it would be nice if I could get an answer soon Cus I don't know what to write even though I read the 5 step.. And I am afraid to be rejectes
Ok thanks. But could I still wait for 30 days? But I don't know what to say when I contact.. And what if he don't reply my text?.. Or what if he changed his number, what shall I do then? But wouldn't he already have contacted me if he really liked me?
And if he doesn't reply me, how can I ask for us to meet?... But I don't know what to write to him.. I'm on my 22 day of no contact but somehow I'm very scared of making a move Cus I dont know if he likes me anymore, has forgotten about me.. And I feel like I'm the looser here if he doesn't answer... And thinking about me being needy in the past and all.. And again: wouldn't he already have contacted me if he was still interested?.. And if he rejects me, should I just delete him? But everything else u have said to me still counts? Thanks ..
Hello Kevin.. I still haven't contacted him Cus I am afraid of it.. Are you sure it is the right thing to do if I miss him? Cus everyone says I have to move on. And also, I don't know if he is at home now or still on his trip.. Should I just do it today even though he may still be at his trip?.. And could I just say that I walked by a place that reminded me of him or is it better to use something with humor? Cus I still struggle with what to say.. I want to say something that doesn't make it embarrassing for me if I don't get a reply ..
It means for example.. But I forgot that I was writing in English and not my own language :p so both options is equally good? I should do it soon right? But the problem is that I don't know if he is at home or still away.. But the main key is to stay positive in the messages ? And relaxed? Thanks for all your answers! But if I have to wait a few weeks again if he doesn't answer, what should I write then ?..
I think maybe I would feel better to Feks remind him of the place we had our first proper date and ask for the name of the place since I want to go there again with aime friends? And even mention that I had a good time there with him or something? Cus wouldn't it be weird to just mention a movie or a series or a song I thought he might like? Cus that's my second option....sorry it just feel weird and even like a bit obvious that I am just contacting him to get his attention? Won't he see right through it? Idk when he will be home, but soon i guess. Sorry for all my questions but i am afraid to make a mistake
I don't think a letter is the right thing to do as he scares easily.. I was thinking about just write a message.. Or is this wrong? I was also thinking about saying that a song or something reminded me of him but could I also ask for a name on a place since me and some friends are going there? What is best? Cus the first one is more personal I think.. Saying something remindeds.. I have to do it soon but I am so afraid to write something wrong .... But I guess I need to answer today or tomorrow but I think maybe he is on a trip. Is it best to wait until I'm sure he is home?.. And what if he changes number without me knowing? Thanks..
Hi.. I am about to contact him soon so it would be nice if I could get an answer soon Cus I don't know what to write even though I read the 5 step.. And I am afraid to be rejectes
Ok thanks. But could I still wait for 30 days? But I don't know what to say when I contact.. And what if he don't reply my text?.. Or what if he changed his number, what shall I do then? But wouldn't he already have contacted me if he really liked me?
And if he doesn't reply me, how can I ask for us to meet?... But I don't know what to write to him.. I'm on my 22 day of no contact but somehow I'm very scared of making a move Cus I dont know if he likes me anymore, has forgotten about me.. And I feel like I'm the looser here if he doesn't answer... And thinking about me being needy in the past and all.. And again: wouldn't he already have contacted me if he was still interested?.. And if he rejects me, should I just delete him? But everything else u have said to me still counts? Thanks ..
Hey Perni,
OK I misread your last comment about seeing each other for only a few months. In that case, 2-3 weeks of no contact is sufficient. But you should still read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 before ending no contact. What to say when you contact him is written in the 5 step plan. And when you meet, exes are very much interested in what's going on in their ex's life. It won't feel forced or fake. If they want to talk about the relationship, you can just say that it's all in the past and it's not necessary to talk about it.
Hey Perni,
OK I misread your last comment about seeing each other for only a few months. In that case, 2-3 weeks of no contact is sufficient. But you should still read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 before ending no contact. What to say when you contact him is written in the 5 step plan. And when you meet, exes are very much interested in what's going on in their ex's life. It won't feel forced or fake. If they want to talk about the relationship, you can just say that it's all in the past and it's not necessary to talk about it.
Hey Perni,
OK I misread your last comment about seeing each other for only a few months. In that case, 2-3 weeks of no contact is sufficient. But you should still read the checklist at the beginning of step 4 before ending no contact. What to say when you contact him is written in the 5 step plan. And when you meet, exes are very much interested in what's going on in their ex's life. It won't feel forced or fake. If they want to talk about the relationship, you can just say that it's all in the past and it's not necessary to talk about it.
Hi and thanks for your answer. I just have to add something..
I hope u understood from my post that we never were a couple but we were dating and didn't see other people.. And during the fight we had over fb that I regret, he said he didn't want us to stop seeing each other..
I also have to admit that I nagged a lot, Cus I was so so sad.. I was very dramatic and the few times he bothered to answer, I had been nagging a lot before that Cus I felt so sad and desperate. But now I see that I overreacted and I wished I could have turned back time:( so there is hope even though I have been very needy? I have tries to get his pity and much else..
And there is also still hope even though I told him that I wouldn't contact him anymore? Cus I told him I couldn't do this anymore.. And wouldn't it be stupid of me to contact him after 30 days if I told him I wouldn't take more contact towards him? And liking two pics on fb isn't considered breaking the nc? I do feel a need to look at his Facebook although I try to keep away.. Should I delete him or keep him as friend there? Cus if I delete him, maybe he thinks I forgot about him?
He is on a trip now, to an other country and he didn't tell me about it. Actually he has kept his distance for a month now except for the two long messages I got.. I don't want to loose hope though.. In the first message he opened up to me and told me about a personal issue that was the reason for him backing away and told me that he hadn't talked about this with anyone else but me.. And told me that he pulled away from everyone sometimes.. And then I answered and he stopped texting and I got very naggy again.. And after me trying to contact him more, he sends a long message saying that he doesn't know what to say or what to do and that he isn't good at talking about emotions.. And also said that he would rather be alone than with someone but in the beginning he said the straight opposite.. And after me saying that everyone needs someone he said that it was a good point but that his life is a mess now.. And I haven't seen him face to face since 4 weeks ago.. Is there still hope ? Cus he agreed for some weeks ago to see me and have dinner and talk about things but when the day arrived he was just gone.. Didn't answered my question about when he was coming to my place or anything... I feel very confused about it all. And I still feel very down.. But I hope u still think there is hope for me.. ?:/ so I shouldn't send him a message telling him I miss him? And ahould I be invincible to him on Facebook? Like staying offline the chat and so? Or just act as normal ?
I am also afraid he will meet someone at his trip.. If so, is there still hope? Sorry for asking a lot.. Thanks!
It's OK to contact even though you told him you won't. It won't make you look stupid. Liking pics on facebook is breaking NC and you shouldn't do it again. But since it was a small thing, you don't have to restart no contact. If looking at his facebook is making you obsessed, then you can unfriend him. He won't think that you forgot him even if you delete him. There's hope for you. Don't send him any messages. You don't have to be invisible on facebook. Even if he meets someone, you'll still have hope, as it'll probably be a rebound.
Hello. I have been adding new comments and such but they aren't showing ?..
Hi. Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope u also got that we were never in a relationship calling each other girl and boyfriend to others. Now he has posted something new from his trip but I will try to be strong and don't contact or comment.. Although it hurt.. Cus it feels like he is all happy and has forgot about me even though he told me how he is these days for almost two weeks ago (when I did the nc).
So the nc thing may work even though I told him I won't contact him anymore? And yes, I told you this before but I also said he could contact me some day Cus I was weak at the moment but I told u this before.. At least I have been strong these days but it is tearing me up inside.. We did have a minor discussions while we were seeing each other but I felt we had a good chemistry I haven't been feeling in a long time. And I really opened up to him and it hurts to think about. I even told him before I did the nc, about something that was going to happen in my life which we had a small talk about when we were seeing each other, and he didn't even bothered to answer to that over text either.. He has treated me like air for a long time.. But what if he thinks I moved on? I am so afraid that this nc thing will just make him forget about me if I don't like pics and so on.. But I will try to keep the nc .. Thanks!
If he starts thinking you've moved on, it'll work to your advantage. And yes NC will work even though you told him.
If he starts thinking you've moved on, it'll work to your advantage. And yes NC will work even though you told him.
If he starts thinking you've moved on, it'll work to your advantage. And yes NC will work even though you told him.
If he starts thinking you've moved on, it'll work to your advantage. And yes NC will work even though you told him.
If he starts thinking you've moved on, it'll work to your advantage. And yes NC will work even though you told him.
If he starts thinking you've moved on, it'll work to your advantage. And yes NC will work even though you told him.
Hello. I have been adding new comments and such but they aren't showing ?..
Hi. Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope u also got that we were never in a relationship calling each other girl and boyfriend to others. Now he has posted something new from his trip but I will try to be strong and don't contact or comment.. Although it hurt.. Cus it feels like he is all happy and has forgot about me even though he told me how he is these days for almost two weeks ago (when I did the nc).
So the nc thing may work even though I told him I won't contact him anymore? And yes, I told you this before but I also said he could contact me some day Cus I was weak at the moment but I told u this before.. At least I have been strong these days but it is tearing me up inside.. We did have a minor discussions while we were seeing each other but I felt we had a good chemistry I haven't been feeling in a long time. And I really opened up to him and it hurts to think about. I even told him before I did the nc, about something that was going to happen in my life which we had a small talk about when we were seeing each other, and he didn't even bothered to answer to that over text either.. He has treated me like air for a long time.. But what if he thinks I moved on? I am so afraid that this nc thing will just make him forget about me if I don't like pics and so on.. But I will try to keep the nc .. Thanks!
Hello. I have been adding new comments and such but they aren't showing ?..
Hi. Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope u also got that we were never in a relationship calling each other girl and boyfriend to others. Now he has posted something new from his trip but I will try to be strong and don't contact or comment.. Although it hurt.. Cus it feels like he is all happy and has forgot about me even though he told me how he is these days for almost two weeks ago (when I did the nc).
So the nc thing may work even though I told him I won't contact him anymore? And yes, I told you this before but I also said he could contact me some day Cus I was weak at the moment but I told u this before.. At least I have been strong these days but it is tearing me up inside.. We did have a minor discussions while we were seeing each other but I felt we had a good chemistry I haven't been feeling in a long time. And I really opened up to him and it hurts to think about. I even told him before I did the nc, about something that was going to happen in my life which we had a small talk about when we were seeing each other, and he didn't even bothered to answer to that over text either.. He has treated me like air for a long time.. But what if he thinks I moved on? I am so afraid that this nc thing will just make him forget about me if I don't like pics and so on.. But I will try to keep the nc .. Thanks!
Hello. I have been adding new comments and such but they aren't showing ?..
Hi. Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope u also got that we were never in a relationship calling each other girl and boyfriend to others. Now he has posted something new from his trip but I will try to be strong and don't contact or comment.. Although it hurt.. Cus it feels like he is all happy and has forgot about me even though he told me how he is these days for almost two weeks ago (when I did the nc).
So the nc thing may work even though I told him I won't contact him anymore? And yes, I told you this before but I also said he could contact me some day Cus I was weak at the moment but I told u this before.. At least I have been strong these days but it is tearing me up inside.. We did have a minor discussions while we were seeing each other but I felt we had a good chemistry I haven't been feeling in a long time. And I really opened up to him and it hurts to think about. I even told him before I did the nc, about something that was going to happen in my life which we had a small talk about when we were seeing each other, and he didn't even bothered to answer to that over text either.. He has treated me like air for a long time.. But what if he thinks I moved on? I am so afraid that this nc thing will just make him forget about me if I don't like pics and so on.. But I will try to keep the nc .. Thanks!
Hello. I have been adding new comments and such but they aren't showing ?..
Hi. Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope u also got that we were never in a relationship calling each other girl and boyfriend to others. Now he has posted something new from his trip but I will try to be strong and don't contact or comment.. Although it hurt.. Cus it feels like he is all happy and has forgot about me even though he told me how he is these days for almost two weeks ago (when I did the nc).
So the nc thing may work even though I told him I won't contact him anymore? And yes, I told you this before but I also said he could contact me some day Cus I was weak at the moment but I told u this before.. At least I have been strong these days but it is tearing me up inside.. We did have a minor discussions while we were seeing each other but I felt we had a good chemistry I haven't been feeling in a long time. And I really opened up to him and it hurts to think about. I even told him before I did the nc, about something that was going to happen in my life which we had a small talk about when we were seeing each other, and he didn't even bothered to answer to that over text either.. He has treated me like air for a long time.. But what if he thinks I moved on? I am so afraid that this nc thing will just make him forget about me if I don't like pics and so on.. But I will try to keep the nc .. Thanks!
It's OK to contact even though you told him you won't. It won't make you look stupid. Liking pics on facebook is breaking NC and you shouldn't do it again. But since it was a small thing, you don't have to restart no contact. If looking at his facebook is making you obsessed, then you can unfriend him. He won't think that you forgot him even if you delete him. There's hope for you. Don't send him any messages. You don't have to be invisible on facebook. Even if he meets someone, you'll still have hope, as it'll probably be a rebound.
It's OK to contact even though you told him you won't. It won't make you look stupid. Liking pics on facebook is breaking NC and you shouldn't do it again. But since it was a small thing, you don't have to restart no contact. If looking at his facebook is making you obsessed, then you can unfriend him. He won't think that you forgot him even if you delete him. There's hope for you. Don't send him any messages. You don't have to be invisible on facebook. Even if he meets someone, you'll still have hope, as it'll probably be a rebound.
It's OK to contact even though you told him you won't. It won't make you look stupid. Liking pics on facebook is breaking NC and you shouldn't do it again. But since it was a small thing, you don't have to restart no contact. If looking at his facebook is making you obsessed, then you can unfriend him. He won't think that you forgot him even if you delete him. There's hope for you. Don't send him any messages. You don't have to be invisible on facebook. Even if he meets someone, you'll still have hope, as it'll probably be a rebound.
Thanks for all your reply Kevin! But I have no idea what to say to him when it's time to make a move..? I'm in my 22 days of no contact now.. And what it he has changed his number or doesn't reply? Should I try to write some other place?.. Cus I'm scared of that.
And also, what to talk about if we ever meet? Isn't it kinda fake to sit and talk about anything else than the situation that occurred ?
And isn't 30 days a bit long if your relationship didn't last for more than a few months? Cus maybe he forgot all about me.
Hi and thanks for your answer. I just have to add something..
I hope u understood from my post that we never were a couple but we were dating and didn't see other people.. And during the fight we had over fb that I regret, he said he didn't want us to stop seeing each other..
I also have to admit that I nagged a lot, Cus I was so so sad.. I was very dramatic and the few times he bothered to answer, I had been nagging a lot before that Cus I felt so sad and desperate. But now I see that I overreacted and I wished I could have turned back time:( so there is hope even though I have been very needy? I have tries to get his pity and much else..
And there is also still hope even though I told him that I wouldn't contact him anymore? Cus I told him I couldn't do this anymore.. And wouldn't it be stupid of me to contact him after 30 days if I told him I wouldn't take more contact towards him? And liking two pics on fb isn't considered breaking the nc? I do feel a need to look at his Facebook although I try to keep away.. Should I delete him or keep him as friend there? Cus if I delete him, maybe he thinks I forgot about him?
He is on a trip now, to an other country and he didn't tell me about it. Actually he has kept his distance for a month now except for the two long messages I got.. I don't want to loose hope though.. In the first message he opened up to me and told me about a personal issue that was the reason for him backing away and told me that he hadn't talked about this with anyone else but me.. And told me that he pulled away from everyone sometimes.. And then I answered and he stopped texting and I got very naggy again.. And after me trying to contact him more, he sends a long message saying that he doesn't know what to say or what to do and that he isn't good at talking about emotions.. And also said that he would rather be alone than with someone but in the beginning he said the straight opposite.. And after me saying that everyone needs someone he said that it was a good point but that his life is a mess now.. And I haven't seen him face to face since 4 weeks ago.. Is there still hope ? Cus he agreed for some weeks ago to see me and have dinner and talk about things but when the day arrived he was just gone.. Didn't answered my question about when he was coming to my place or anything... I feel very confused about it all. And I still feel very down.. But I hope u still think there is hope for me.. ?:/ so I shouldn't send him a message telling him I miss him? And ahould I be invincible to him on Facebook? Like staying offline the chat and so? Or just act as normal ?
I am also afraid he will meet someone at his trip.. If so, is there still hope? Sorry for asking a lot.. Thanks!
Thanks for all your reply Kevin! But I have no idea what to say to him when it's time to make a move..? I'm in my 22 days of no contact now.. And what it he has changed his number or doesn't reply? Should I try to write some other place?.. Cus I'm scared of that.
And also, what to talk about if we ever meet? Isn't it kinda fake to sit and talk about anything else than the situation that occurred ?
And isn't 30 days a bit long if your relationship didn't last for more than a few months? Cus maybe he forgot all about me.
Hi and thanks for your answer. I just have to add something..
I hope u understood from my post that we never were a couple but we were dating and didn't see other people.. And during the fight we had over fb that I regret, he said he didn't want us to stop seeing each other..
I also have to admit that I nagged a lot, Cus I was so so sad.. I was very dramatic and the few times he bothered to answer, I had been nagging a lot before that Cus I felt so sad and desperate. But now I see that I overreacted and I wished I could have turned back time:( so there is hope even though I have been very needy? I have tries to get his pity and much else..
And there is also still hope even though I told him that I wouldn't contact him anymore? Cus I told him I couldn't do this anymore.. And wouldn't it be stupid of me to contact him after 30 days if I told him I wouldn't take more contact towards him? And liking two pics on fb isn't considered breaking the nc? I do feel a need to look at his Facebook although I try to keep away.. Should I delete him or keep him as friend there? Cus if I delete him, maybe he thinks I forgot about him?
He is on a trip now, to an other country and he didn't tell me about it. Actually he has kept his distance for a month now except for the two long messages I got.. I don't want to loose hope though.. In the first message he opened up to me and told me about a personal issue that was the reason for him backing away and told me that he hadn't talked about this with anyone else but me.. And told me that he pulled away from everyone sometimes.. And then I answered and he stopped texting and I got very naggy again.. And after me trying to contact him more, he sends a long message saying that he doesn't know what to say or what to do and that he isn't good at talking about emotions.. And also said that he would rather be alone than with someone but in the beginning he said the straight opposite.. And after me saying that everyone needs someone he said that it was a good point but that his life is a mess now.. And I haven't seen him face to face since 4 weeks ago.. Is there still hope ? Cus he agreed for some weeks ago to see me and have dinner and talk about things but when the day arrived he was just gone.. Didn't answered my question about when he was coming to my place or anything... I feel very confused about it all. And I still feel very down.. But I hope u still think there is hope for me.. ?:/ so I shouldn't send him a message telling him I miss him? And ahould I be invincible to him on Facebook? Like staying offline the chat and so? Or just act as normal ?
I am also afraid he will meet someone at his trip.. If so, is there still hope? Sorry for asking a lot.. Thanks!
You don't have to start NC again. He will not forget about you so easily. There is hope. You should contact him after 30 days of no contact. Make sure you read the checklist at the starting of step 4 in the 5 step plan before ending no contact.
I wasnt in a long term relationship, but it was an intense reconnection with an old high school classmate. Being a LDR, we ONLY had texts and callsas a form of communucation. I went to visit him (drove 6+ hours each way) for a weekend. It was amazing to see him. But, once I was there....I wasnt myself. At all. I was more like an observer, trying to see how I would fit into his lifestyle. I also slept.....a lot! I am a single mom to three boys, I rarely get to rest! After I left, I kicked myself. I messaged him and he didn't respond. That did it. I accused him of trying to back out because he wasnt attracted to me, etc. Finally, he said he was done. I was too crazy. Ive made it almost a week with no contact. Sad thing is that tomorrow was when he was supposed to come visit me for the holiday weekend. I have read so many online advice sites, but this one has been the most direct, blunt, and tell it like it is article. I needed that. Thank you so much.
I am glad the article helped. Good luck. :)
I am glad the article helped. Good luck. :)
Hi again kevin so the other my ex's closest friend contacted me to ask for a number I know my ex has. I'm pretty sure you recall I've had a friend contact me before. Now I'm starting to find this strange. Also his friend contacted me in a strange way more than just asking for the number but also saying stuff like "all grown up :')" I guess because I'm being independent idk it's strange. I'm scared to text my ex again because I feel that's needy? Will it come off this way? And do you also think the friend thing is strange or am I overthinking?
Yeah, it's strange. But thinking about it is not going to help you in any way. You should contact him when no contact is over. It'll not look needy if you don't act needy.
Yeah, it's strange. But thinking about it is not going to help you in any way. You should contact him when no contact is over. It'll not look needy if you don't act needy.
I cant see my 2nd post. I think it got lost.
Dear Kevin,
My situation is a little different.
Because I am the ex that is talked about over here all the time.
I left my first (serious) boyfriend beginning 2012.. I left him because of a little lie that created a insecurity for me in our relation.. i just wasnt sure about him whether he loved me or not.
I wasnt sure about this because our relationship was a long distance relationship.
It was so difficult to keep it up, we were planning to get married and I would live in the country that iam actually from.
Nevermind.. I was in the beginning of my graduate program and i thought leaving him would be the best thing for myself to get myself together after a relationship that was taking all of my energy.
I know for sure I would never finish my study because he was getting the primary thing i thought of when making choices etc.
In the beginning when i told him that i wanted to break up, he ddidnt accept it. It took me 6 months to break up, because I was still loving him, this was not becaus of him.. this was because of myself and my own insecurities.
I had the rebound relationship with two different persons, they were definitely not my type, not my kind of persons. But te only thing is they encouraged me to become stronger.
I was not so desperate and that was the reason I was stronger and didnt hurt myself.
But I did never sleep with them.. i just couldnt do it..
I always reminded me of my ex when they tried to kiss me etc.
I was searching for him, but at a different place. Here int he netherlands instead of turkey.
I thouht I could find him, over here.. but i suck.
I realized at the moment that my best friend (a guy) asked me to marry him.. just suddenly.. because he was secretly in love.. but he was my best friend so i couldnt reject him, neither say yes.
I said i dont love you.. to my best friend and I told him to give me some time.
he did. But his sister, also a good friend went viral on the internet.
Suddenly everyone thought i said yes...
I cried the whole evening.. I realized that I never wanted to get married to someone else than my ex.
after this, I decided to go to turkey..
Just to be able to see him..
I called my family in Turkey who know him, and asked for his number.
I called he didnt take it.
Then I texted him, and told him I wanted to talk to him. and my name .
He called me directly.
He was in shock he couldnt believe that I was it..
However after speaking him in the phone for 1 hour..
I realized he was still checking my facebook page, instagram etc. He said i saw your ring.
And that he was happy.. for me.
I told him I never said yes, and I could never my best friend, how everything went. And that I would leave the other guy because I never loved him.
Before I told this to him, he said that he moved on after two years.
This made me faint etc. I was that night in the hospital.. and my mom told this to my ex.
The next day he wanted to see me.
And we met at a place.
He was for 2 hours over there with me.
I asked him whether he loved her or had something serious, but he said no.
He said that he left love to the side, and tried to find someone who could make him happy.
I said that this is not fair towards the other girl.. and he said I was right but he added.
He could never leave a girl to go to another one. This is not something of my personality he said.
He made an email adress to keep in touch with me.. And did it.. every day he was or answering my emails or just sending something..
But last week after 1,5 month after one mail where I try to convince him to come back, he said that in his answer that it would be his last email to me, and that I was hurting him, that he didnt want me to be upset.
He said that it was not fair.. And that one day if he was starting to use his heart again, he would contact me.. ebcause in the heart he threw away, i am still there.. and he asked me to not reply to that email if i love him and respect him, he said please dont hurt me.. and promised that everything would be different if he texts me again.
I talked about this to my mom and she said, you cant expect people to go away and come back in your life like toys, you first left him, and now when you say i still love you.. you cannot expect him to come back in 1 month.
she said it would take time for him to forgive me, or maybe break up with the other, innocent girl.
I hate his feeling.. i am so mean, but I hope that i am not too late..
after he asked me to not answer to his email i listened and didnt answer to him.
He talks like he is coming back, but not now..
Like he wants to punish me.. i dont know..
And the 5 step plan, he succeed perfectly.
I love him too much..
I can move on, but dont want to have someone else..
Dont know what to do.. Do you think there is a chance he misses me and comes backa fter so many years.? he still wanted to see me or keep in touch, he said if it is in our destiny we willld efinitely be together but for now please have respect for me because you have no right to be angry, he said exactly this,.
you left me, i would never leave you, and dont expect me to leave someome who is innocent to come back to you, especially when i am not sure about you.
It is not fair what you are doing.. You are placing a heavy burden on me that I cant take..
That kind of things, i dont know..
Is there a little chance? at least he didnt ignore me or didnts ay stupid things.. he even wanted to see me.a nd keep in touch. dont know.. will the 5 step plans till work for me?
Thanks for reading please give me an answer..
hope to hear fom you..
xxxxxx
There is little chance. You should follow the 5 step plan. But don't keep your hopes up. He is confused and he might choose to breakup with the other girl. This time, when you get back in touch after no contact, don't pressure him into breaking up and starting a relationship with you. Let it be his idea.
There is little chance. You should follow the 5 step plan. But don't keep your hopes up. He is confused and he might choose to breakup with the other girl. This time, when you get back in touch after no contact, don't pressure him into breaking up and starting a relationship with you. Let it be his idea.
Hi Keven,
I took your advice and went out on a date with someone the past two nights and tried my best have a good time but found that I was completely uninterested in her. I'm not saying I didn't have fun, because I did, its just it had nothing to do with her but was because of what we were doing. I thought she was attractive and would be cool to hang out with but that was as far as it goes. Tomorrow I'm planing on hanging with my friends where we used to hang instead of avoiding her by hanging somewhere else like I was doing during no contact. I have no intention of talking to her or even letting her think I've noticed her but instead just let her see me hanging with my friends in our old spot where she will have to walk past. This way she can see me having a good time with my friends, because as you have said, happiness is attractive and also by not confronting her she will not see it as me trying to get back together with her and thus looking needy. I plan on wearing something that should bring up a bliss memory between us and also wearing a special cologne she was specifically fond of and that stands out. Is there anything else I can do or am I doing something wrong that I shouldn't?
You are doing good. Good luck. :)
You are doing good. Good luck. :)
kev,
we got in a huge fight (one of many) even though it was going great the past few weeks. I took things too personal and made it worse then what it actually was and now he wants time to think if it is worth it even though he loves me and i am amazing. He said that though he loves me 99 percent of the time but that there is this other part that it might not be worth it. That he would almost rather be with someone so amazing if there was consistency/nofighting. so he needs/space and time to think. He said not to contact him that he would contact me...when i asked for a timeline he got upset and said he didnt have one. He said lets say a month and i might contact you before that or i might not. It has been about 10 days and i have not contacted him. If he does not contact me in a month, should I not reach out to him?
Thanks
Brit
If he doesn't contact you in two months, contact him.
If he doesn't contact you in two months, contact him.
He asked for some space in February after our 6th Anniversary. It was pretty much out of the blue since we were celebrating and the next week he told me he needed space, time...he continued to tell me he loved me and that he wasn't going to leave, he just needed space. Unfortunately I couldn't understand his need for space and I freaked out. I cried, called him crying, begged him to come back and work on whatever was going on with him. He broke up with me in the beggining of March. It was very hard for me to let him go so I tried to understand why was he suddenly so eager to leave me after telling me he loved me and that he wasnt going to leave. I decided to stop contacting him because our talks were confusing, one minute he said "You are my best friend" or "I love you" and the next minute he was saying that he still needed space and to be on his own. Fast forward I contacted him in April. He came home and we had a talk, he brought him my stuff over (I almost lived at his house three or four times a week) he told me I looked beautiful all the time and touched my face, pretty much acting like if he cared. I asked him if I could kiss him and he said he didnt know if that was right...after that he kissed me. He said I would never loose him but we could not be together at the time. Finally, a week after that I found out through Facebook that he is with another woman. We were not broken up two months and he was already jumping into another relationship. I confronted him and he lied about it, telling me it was a recent thing and he never cheated. Of course I can't believe this. If he didn't cheat on a physical level I am sure he cheated emotionally. My love for him changed...I think I still love him and I wish he could admit what he did, or at least say he is sorry but he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong. Well, kissing your ex when you know you are starting seeing somone is not OK. Leaving your girl of six years for someone you barely know isnt OK either. What do you think?
Hey M,
It's not OK what he did. But I doubt he left you for her. In most cases, people have someone lined up before they breakup just so they don't have to be single. This was probably the case with your ex. His relationship is a rebound and it'll probably end soon.
Thank you so much for your response...It's just so hard to understand how someone can tell you those things right in your face and lie. I am mad about how he handled things...I feel he doesnt even care about me anymore. Until I saw the picture I wanted him back but now I had to go no contact at all...how can I talk to him after he let me find out the truth in such a horrible way? Anyway...I just want to know what to do. In the back of my mind, I wish he could come back someday to tell me he is sorry. I just feel I am worthless and that I spent six years with someone who couldnt care less about me.
Hey M,
First of all, he does care about you. What he did was a little cowardice. I guess he wanted to hide his new relationship from you because deep inside, he doesn't want you to move on. Breakups are hard for people. Even if they are the ones initiating it. There is a lot of confusion and mixed feelings. He simply didn't know how to handle it. I don't think you should hold it against him the way he handled the breakup and what he did after the breakup.
As for what to do, you should just apply no contact, at least for 60 days. During no contact, you will realize whether or not you should get him back in your life.
I am sorry...I was wondering, do you think I should lose all hope on this? Do you think he will still care or think about me or should I stop worrying and move on?
M,
I think there's hope. I mostly recommend people to follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work move on. Or give yourself a time limit (say 3-4 months). If things don't work out by that time, give up on him and move on.
M,
I think there's hope. I mostly recommend people to follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work move on. Or give yourself a time limit (say 3-4 months). If things don't work out by that time, give up on him and move on.
M,
I think there's hope. I mostly recommend people to follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work move on. Or give yourself a time limit (say 3-4 months). If things don't work out by that time, give up on him and move on.
M,
I think there's hope. I mostly recommend people to follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work move on. Or give yourself a time limit (say 3-4 months). If things don't work out by that time, give up on him and move on.
M,
I think there's hope. I mostly recommend people to follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work move on. Or give yourself a time limit (say 3-4 months). If things don't work out by that time, give up on him and move on.
M,
I think there's hope. I mostly recommend people to follow the 5 step plan once and if it doesn't work move on. Or give yourself a time limit (say 3-4 months). If things don't work out by that time, give up on him and move on.
Thank you so much for your advice...I really think you are right. I havent contacted him since after I saw the picture and I will not do it... so i will follow your advice. Hope you have a great day!
I am sorry...I was wondering, do you think I should lose all hope on this? Do you think he will still care or think about me or should I stop worrying and move on?
Thank you so much for your advice...I really think you are right. I havent contacted him since after I saw the picture and I will not do it... so i will follow your advice. Hope you have a great day!
I am sorry...I was wondering, do you think I should lose all hope on this? Do you think he will still care or think about me or should I stop worrying and move on?
Thank you so much for your advice...I really think you are right. I havent contacted him since after I saw the picture and I will not do it... so i will follow your advice. Hope you have a great day!
I am sorry...I was wondering, do you think I should lose all hope on this? Do you think he will still care or think about me or should I stop worrying and move on?
Thank you so much for your advice...I really think you are right. I havent contacted him since after I saw the picture and I will not do it... so i will follow your advice. Hope you have a great day!
I am sorry...I was wondering, do you think I should lose all hope on this? Do you think he will still care or think about me or should I stop worrying and move on?
Thank you so much for your advice...I really think you are right. I havent contacted him since after I saw the picture and I will not do it... so i will follow your advice. Hope you have a great day!
Hey M,
First of all, he does care about you. What he did was a little cowardice. I guess he wanted to hide his new relationship from you because deep inside, he doesn't want you to move on. Breakups are hard for people. Even if they are the ones initiating it. There is a lot of confusion and mixed feelings. He simply didn't know how to handle it. I don't think you should hold it against him the way he handled the breakup and what he did after the breakup.
As for what to do, you should just apply no contact, at least for 60 days. During no contact, you will realize whether or not you should get him back in your life.
Hey M,
First of all, he does care about you. What he did was a little cowardice. I guess he wanted to hide his new relationship from you because deep inside, he doesn't want you to move on. Breakups are hard for people. Even if they are the ones initiating it. There is a lot of confusion and mixed feelings. He simply didn't know how to handle it. I don't think you should hold it against him the way he handled the breakup and what he did after the breakup.
As for what to do, you should just apply no contact, at least for 60 days. During no contact, you will realize whether or not you should get him back in your life.
Hey M,
First of all, he does care about you. What he did was a little cowardice. I guess he wanted to hide his new relationship from you because deep inside, he doesn't want you to move on. Breakups are hard for people. Even if they are the ones initiating it. There is a lot of confusion and mixed feelings. He simply didn't know how to handle it. I don't think you should hold it against him the way he handled the breakup and what he did after the breakup.
As for what to do, you should just apply no contact, at least for 60 days. During no contact, you will realize whether or not you should get him back in your life.
Thank you so much for your response...It's just so hard to understand how someone can tell you those things right in your face and lie. I am mad about how he handled things...I feel he doesnt even care about me anymore. Until I saw the picture I wanted him back but now I had to go no contact at all...how can I talk to him after he let me find out the truth in such a horrible way? Anyway...I just want to know what to do. In the back of my mind, I wish he could come back someday to tell me he is sorry. I just feel I am worthless and that I spent six years with someone who couldnt care less about me.
Thank you so much for your response...It's just so hard to understand how someone can tell you those things right in your face and lie. I am mad about how he handled things...I feel he doesnt even care about me anymore. Until I saw the picture I wanted him back but now I had to go no contact at all...how can I talk to him after he let me find out the truth in such a horrible way? Anyway...I just want to know what to do. In the back of my mind, I wish he could come back someday to tell me he is sorry. I just feel I am worthless and that I spent six years with someone who couldnt care less about me.
Hey M,
It's not OK what he did. But I doubt he left you for her. In most cases, people have someone lined up before they breakup just so they don't have to be single. This was probably the case with your ex. His relationship is a rebound and it'll probably end soon.
Hello,
I've been trying to contact through email and commenting on your post but haven't got answer yet. So I'm 23 years old my ex boyfriend in 21 years old. We've been together only a year but it was a good relationship, we we're both happy in the relationship. But suddenly he decided to break up with me (May 4th) and said that he is not ready for a long term relationship right now he wants to figure things out. I did every mistake possible called, text and even went over to see him (only once 2 days after he broke up) that made him further away from me. The last time we talked is through text he doesn't want to talk anymore it was the very last time (May 19th) he said it's over move on with our lives. I asked him if he's with someone else or starting to like someone else, he said he wasn't sure it was too soon to tell, and he's not looking for anything right now whatever happen happens. Is it too late to do a NC rule? Even though he seems indifferrent to me now, he's acting like he doesn't care anymore. Please help.
I replied here.
I replied here.
Hello Kevin,
Thank you for the insightful blog, and emails. I've found them very helpful!
I just finished a 32 day no contact with my ex (together nearly 1.5 years). I texted her, in a fun and positive way (similarly to your examples). She responded and all, in a 'middle of the road' kind of way. I don't want to force a conversation, or have an empty one texting back and forth (aka, desperate). Should I wait a day or so before I message her again? What are your suggestions?
Thanks!
If the conversation ended, wait a couple of days to text again.
If the conversation ended, wait a couple of days to text again.
Hey Kevin, I don't see my comment which was posted yesterday evening around 3 pm, please respond.
Thanks
It's here.
It's here.
Kevin,
I cant see my posts im lost on this ocean of comments lol. Anyway i need advice and assesment. Im in my 3rd week of NC right now. I feel good sometimes i still think of her but im not hurt that much unlike before. Im having fun, i hangout with friends. Meet new people and women. Flirt and date with them. I also feel that i can live without her but i really want her back because she i s a great woman and i mean really great man. I was lucky to have her yet i neglected our relationship. The thing is ive realized many things during NC, my mistakes and shortcomings but i dont feel confident enough that i can win her back i cant find a way to make a positive change in my life or prove to her that i have changed. Yes i feel like my strenght and confidence is back but i think i still lack something. What else can i do during NC? I dont want to just simply have fun i want a solid result coz i know its not enough. Thanks kevin.
Hey Daniel,
Just having your confidence back is a huge positive change. You said the reason you broke up because you neglected the relationship. You can show change when you get back in touch by taking her out on exciting dates, taking control, paying attention to her needs.
Kevin, id like to know your opinion. Me and my ex lasted almost 4yrs. Shes 19 and im 22. I became a creep after the breakup. Did all the mistakes for the first 1 and a half month after the breakup then i started NC without telling her. Last thing we did i accompanied her in her school and ate lunch. The next day i went NC because i saw that we really need time and space if i want to fix this. How many weeks or months do u suggest i go NC? I decided 6 weeks but i want to hear your opinion. Also what do i do if she didnt reply if i text her the message suggested above? Thanks kevin.
6 weeks sounds good. If she doesn't reply, you wait two weeks and try again.
Thanks kevin! You are such a big help.
Thanks kevin! You are such a big help.
Thanks kevin! You are such a big help.
Thanks kevin! You are such a big help.
Thanks kevin! You are such a big help.
6 weeks sounds good. If she doesn't reply, you wait two weeks and try again.
6 weeks sounds good. If she doesn't reply, you wait two weeks and try again.
6 weeks sounds good. If she doesn't reply, you wait two weeks and try again.
Kevin, id like to know your opinion. Me and my ex lasted almost 4yrs. Shes 19 and im 22. I became a creep after the breakup. Did all the mistakes for the first 1 and a half month after the breakup then i started NC without telling her. Last thing we did i accompanied her in her school and ate lunch. The next day i went NC because i saw that we really need time and space if i want to fix this. How many weeks or months do u suggest i go NC? I decided 6 weeks but i want to hear your opinion. Also what do i do if she didnt reply if i text her the message suggested above? Thanks kevin.
Kevin, id like to know your opinion. Me and my ex lasted almost 4yrs. Shes 19 and im 22. I became a creep after the breakup. Did all the mistakes for the first 1 and a half month after the breakup then i started NC without telling her. Last thing we did i accompanied her in her school and ate lunch. The next day i went NC because i saw that we really need time and space if i want to fix this. How many weeks or months do u suggest i go NC? I decided 6 weeks but i want to hear your opinion. Also what do i do if she didnt reply if i text her the message suggested above? Thanks kevin.
Hey Daniel,
Just having your confidence back is a huge positive change. You said the reason you broke up because you neglected the relationship. You can show change when you get back in touch by taking her out on exciting dates, taking control, paying attention to her needs.
I followed the NC rule for 2 months.. is he ever gona text me?
If he didn't text you, you should contact him.
If he didn't text you, you should contact him.
Hi Kevin,your blog is great...you daily newsletter has been a support system ...thank you.my Ex boyfriend and i broke up three weeks ago.and have been into the no contact rule strong two weeks.so last night he called me twice but i didnt pick the call.5 minute later,a message came in,,the message says"Was just calling to say thank you,for paying me back like this,thank you and bye"....i got really scared and i wanted to call back.But i stopped myself from calling.Please what do u think is up to?And what do i do?
He is a little pissed. That's OK though. In fact, it might even help your chances. If he calls again, tell him you need some space and time.
He is a little pissed. That's OK though. In fact, it might even help your chances. If he calls again, tell him you need some space and time.
Hey, I am going through a tuff situation with my partner. We were together for 8 months. When we broke up I was very needy and despreate but then I stop contacting him. Now, we are talking again. I tried everything in my power to make this work and I even told him I love him. At the moment he sends me mix messages. He wouldn't text me first but when I do he replies right away; however, I didn't text him yesterday and he haven't text me. I believe he's still hurt and confuse. I want to follow the no contact rule again but this time not reply back. If he contacts me and I ignore it, when should be the best time to call or text him again? Keep in mind it was a very bad break up, I wouldn't want him to feel like I don't care or if I'm doing something. I wouldn't want him to give me the same treatment if I don't reply back and decide to contact him another day . I love him and I dont want to lose him.
Hey Diana,
Just tell him you need some space and time right now and you will contact him after a while.
Hey Diana,
Just tell him you need some space and time right now and you will contact him after a while.
hey kevin i left a comment yesterday..but it seems dat u didn't reply. plz do reply..i need ur advice.
Hey,
I can't find your comment. Please post again. Make sure you read comments guidelines before posting.
Hey,
I can't find your comment. Please post again. Make sure you read comments guidelines before posting.
Hey I read your post and it seems really really effective But I'm not getting a chance to implicate it.. my ex boyfriend and I are in the same class and we've the same set of friends so I don't really know how to avoid him. We Had been going through a bad phase for quite a while cause I'm not okay with him smoking and a bunch of other things came up and after a while I told him I'm not able to see a future with him , which I didn't mean I'm just a very impulsive person and I say stuff I don't mean when I'm upset. Since then we hadn't been ourselves for over a month cause I'm not myself when we don't sort things out. We've been together for 4 years with 3 breaks and 2 of them were my fault so since I told him that I'm not able to see a future it has affected him quite a lot and he broke up with me 3 days back.. we're perfect for eachother we've always had that level of comfort and understanding and nobody gets me better than him and vice versa and everyone who knows us just know that we'll end up together no matter what but he himself has started doubting it.. I don't know if it's temporary or not but I went through the same thing with him but in the end we got back together. What should I do? Do you think there are chances of him coming back to me? It's killing me to imagine my future without him and it's scaring me.. and will I be able to implicate the no contact thing though we're in the same class and we hang out with the same people? :/
Yes, there's a chance. You can still follow no contact. If you have a conversation with him, keep it short and don't talk about anything personal.
Yes, there's a chance. You can still follow no contact. If you have a conversation with him, keep it short and don't talk about anything personal.
hi again,
i've been doing the no contact for 2 weeks already. yesterday i broke the no contact well, because i was too weak. =(. my ex messaged me on facebook telling me to text him because his new girlfriend (which he left me for) erased all our conversations including my number. if you could still remember, i was worried that he already changed his facebook password. yesterday, he told me while we were texting that his new gf was the one who changed his password. so there,,,, during our conversation, he told me that he misses me and he told me that he wanted to come over and visit my hometown because he missed the place. i also asked him how he and his girlfriend are doing and all he said was, it was meaningless because the relationship was only revolving around sex. i then changed the topic. i did not act all needy (well i guess). i just acted as normal and as friendly as i could. and then today, he did not even text me. i do not know what this means. do we still have a chance? should i start doing no contact again? i really love him but i do not know if we still have a chance or he is going serious on his new love. i really want him back Kevin. please help =(
You have a chance. It's definitely a rebound. Do no contact for another three weeks. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space.
okay kevin thanks a lot. i hope this will work. =)
Today, he texted me again telling me that his girlfriend saw my message on facebook and she was mad at him. He even told me that we should be civil with each other when he calls me because his new girlfriend will be listening on our conversation. I then told him why not just do what his girlfriend wants him to do (which is not to communicate with me) but he refused to. I asked him if he was serious with the girl but he ignored my question. I do not know what to do. =(
Continue talking to him. Don't show any signs of neediness. His new relationship will end eventually.
Continue talking to him. Don't show any signs of neediness. His new relationship will end eventually.
Continue talking to him. Don't show any signs of neediness. His new relationship will end eventually.
Continue talking to him. Don't show any signs of neediness. His new relationship will end eventually.
Continue talking to him. Don't show any signs of neediness. His new relationship will end eventually.
Today, he texted me again telling me that his girlfriend saw my message on facebook and she was mad at him. He even told me that we should be civil with each other when he calls me because his new girlfriend will be listening on our conversation. I then told him why not just do what his girlfriend wants him to do (which is not to communicate with me) but he refused to. I asked him if he was serious with the girl but he ignored my question. I do not know what to do. =(
Today, he texted me again telling me that his girlfriend saw my message on facebook and she was mad at him. He even told me that we should be civil with each other when he calls me because his new girlfriend will be listening on our conversation. I then told him why not just do what his girlfriend wants him to do (which is not to communicate with me) but he refused to. I asked him if he was serious with the girl but he ignored my question. I do not know what to do. =(
Today, he texted me again telling me that his girlfriend saw my message on facebook and she was mad at him. He even told me that we should be civil with each other when he calls me because his new girlfriend will be listening on our conversation. I then told him why not just do what his girlfriend wants him to do (which is not to communicate with me) but he refused to. I asked him if he was serious with the girl but he ignored my question. I do not know what to do. =(
okay kevin thanks a lot. i hope this will work. =)
okay kevin thanks a lot. i hope this will work. =)
by the way he also asked me why am i not texting him. he was waiting for a text from me but he never received one. i did not entertain the question and proceeded to inject a new topic.
You have a chance. It's definitely a rebound. Do no contact for another three weeks. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space.
by the way he also asked me why am i not texting him. he was waiting for a text from me but he never received one. i did not entertain the question and proceeded to inject a new topic.
If your ex has been talking to someone else for the past month since you guys he broken up should you still try the no contact rule. During the 30 day no contact if your ex does not try to contact you should you still write him the letter and try to rekindle what you guys had/have or just call it quits and move on? Since it seems as if he has and he is not thinking about you.
The answer to both questions is yes.
The answer to both questions is yes.
Kevin i am posting again because the situation has become too complex now.
My ex started talking to her ex of 2 years ago, that guy has once used her and she knows this too. I came to know about this through her gmail account which is attached to her facebook. If they get back together i see no chance of us being together.
My gf wanted to have a physical relation with me but earlier i was not ready and when i got she was not ready. We were together for 2 years. Its been 8 months since we were fighting (first 4 month i did and next 4 months she did). I have improved myself a lot and i mean it, its been 14 days since i last contacted her, should i ask her to meet me, should i tell her because she talked to him i am going away forever, this is way too complex situation i feel like changing her facebook password but i guess that would be totally wrong.
Just because she is talking to someone doesn't mean she will start a relationship with him. This doesn't change your strategy. Don't freak out. And more importantly, stop stalking your ex. Let her talk to whoever she wants. Stop watching her every move. Concentrate on yourself.
Thank you. And i am very sorry for so many posts.
I believe i have no way to show her that i am happy now and all, but i guess i should not care about it and be happy.
I was thinking to apologize to her about changing her facebook password should i or not ?
And as i created a blunder here i am very terrified if she would even meet me or not when i will ask her to.
And yes i think it had no effect on her. She is the happiest person ever. Hope i will be that too then she would be back to me. Should i make a short apology or a small message via facebook in a positive way ?
Don't do anything now. If you want, you can send her a short message apologizing. But it's not necessary. Make sure you continue no contact for another 2-3 weeks.
Don't do anything now. If you want, you can send her a short message apologizing. But it's not necessary. Make sure you continue no contact for another 2-3 weeks.
Don't do anything now. If you want, you can send her a short message apologizing. But it's not necessary. Make sure you continue no contact for another 2-3 weeks.
Don't do anything now. If you want, you can send her a short message apologizing. But it's not necessary. Make sure you continue no contact for another 2-3 weeks.
Don't do anything now. If you want, you can send her a short message apologizing. But it's not necessary. Make sure you continue no contact for another 2-3 weeks.
And yes i think it had no effect on her. She is the happiest person ever. Hope i will be that too then she would be back to me. Should i make a short apology or a small message via facebook in a positive way ?
And yes i think it had no effect on her. She is the happiest person ever. Hope i will be that too then she would be back to me. Should i make a short apology or a small message via facebook in a positive way ?
And yes i think it had no effect on her. She is the happiest person ever. Hope i will be that too then she would be back to me. Should i make a short apology or a small message via facebook in a positive way ?
Thank you. And i am very sorry for so many posts.
I believe i have no way to show her that i am happy now and all, but i guess i should not care about it and be happy.
I was thinking to apologize to her about changing her facebook password should i or not ?
And as i created a blunder here i am very terrified if she would even meet me or not when i will ask her to.
Thank you. And i am very sorry for so many posts.
I believe i have no way to show her that i am happy now and all, but i guess i should not care about it and be happy.
I was thinking to apologize to her about changing her facebook password should i or not ?
And as i created a blunder here i am very terrified if she would even meet me or not when i will ask her to.
I had actually changed her fb password so that she will change it and i will stop stalking her. I think i made a big mistake. I am crying right now is there any way to cover this ?
I wanna meet her before we start college.
Whatever happened, is done. I don't think there's any way to cover this. At least now you won't be stalking her anymore. Don't try to rush things. It'll backfire.
Whatever happened, is done. I don't think there's any way to cover this. At least now you won't be stalking her anymore. Don't try to rush things. It'll backfire.
Whatever happened, is done. I don't think there's any way to cover this. At least now you won't be stalking her anymore. Don't try to rush things. It'll backfire.
I could not help but remove her from my facebook account.
Just because she is talking to someone doesn't mean she will start a relationship with him. This doesn't change your strategy. Don't freak out. And more importantly, stop stalking your ex. Let her talk to whoever she wants. Stop watching her every move. Concentrate on yourself.
I had actually changed her fb password so that she will change it and i will stop stalking her. I think i made a big mistake. I am crying right now is there any way to cover this ?
I wanna meet her before we start college.
I could not help but remove her from my facebook account.
Hello Kevin,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year, it was my first physical relationship and he also was first ever person I was intemately close with. I am 21 and he is 22 we also are from different cultures as I was born Russian and he is English with adult ADHD, our relationship was on and off and we had a lot of little dissagreements . But no matter what and how hard it would be I always stood by hes side and gave him always what he desired, always supported him and always made sure that he was happy. He is also very overprotective and possesive man and I did all my best to make sure he feels secure about my loyalty to him. He always use to tell me how much he apreciates me and all the things I do for him and that he will never be able to find any better than me.
But last couple weeks I havent been my self and we had feew little arguments and we had bad weekends together , last week we decided that we spent too much together and that we need a break from each other and arguments , whole this time apart I still tried contacting him making sure he was alright and reasuring him that I want things to work out and that I cant wait to be back with him to begin new start. And only yesturday he sent me a text saying that he cant deal with all the stress from the arguing and that he want to break up proply for now and maybe start seeing other people. I tried calling him back straight away and asking giving it one more chance and letting me to try make things right again I asked him if I could come down to see him and talk it over in person, but he always keept saying he dont want to and that he made his mind up and that if I come down it would make it harder fo both of us. The more I tried convincing him the more he was rejecting me and saying that the stress got too much and that he cant be joking around with me because I dont understand him.
Its been second day now since this has happened even tho he really hurt me I still have hopes deep inside that after a while he will realise it wasnt best way out and no one accept and unerstand him better than I did. Do you think he would come back? What should I do now. Thank you in advance
Hey,
You should start no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
Hey,
You should start no contact and follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend of two years broke up with me about two months ago. The only problem is that we are living together until mid June when our lease is up. She broke up with me because our relationship was volatile and she was no longer interested in me or in having a relationship. Needless to say, these past two months have been rough on me. She's been contacting her ex and another guy and it hurts to know that. I've taken some time to myself and have realized my part in the break up. There were things I did in the relationship that could have pushed her to the brink of a breakup. There have been times when it almost seems like she wants me back but it never leads to a full fledged relationship. I know where my boundaries are and I try not to cross them. We've been sleeping in separate bed but one night we fell asleep in the same bed and she even cuddled with me! How do I get her back when I live with her? She is the love of my life and I know now that there were things I needed to fix. Thanks for any advice.
I've written about it in this article.
I've written about it in this article.
Hello Kevin,
My ex and I have almost been broken up for 6 months and I've been blocked on Facebook since January, although I am sure she still looks. I noticed on her Facebook that she has hinted at me, calling me a huge d-bag and referencing me. My question is, why is she so bitter? We haven't talked in over 2 months and I haven't done/said anything for her to be mad/angry at me. What gives if she doesn't care/moved on? Thank you.
Because she hasn't moved on. Like I said in the article, any sign of emotions means she still has feelings for you.
What do you think stops an ex from reaching out if they still have feelings towards you, Kevin?
Ego, trying to be consistent with their decision, feat of how you'd react, fear that it will make them look weaker. And for the immature ones, thinking that they'll "lose the breakup" if they contact you.
Ego, trying to be consistent with their decision, feat of how you'd react, fear that it will make them look weaker. And for the immature ones, thinking that they'll "lose the breakup" if they contact you.
Ego, trying to be consistent with their decision, feat of how you'd react, fear that it will make them look weaker. And for the immature ones, thinking that they'll "lose the breakup" if they contact you.
Ego, trying to be consistent with their decision, feat of how you'd react, fear that it will make them look weaker. And for the immature ones, thinking that they'll "lose the breakup" if they contact you.
What do you think stops an ex from reaching out if they still have feelings towards you, Kevin?
What do you think stops an ex from reaching out if they still have feelings towards you, Kevin?
Because she hasn't moved on. Like I said in the article, any sign of emotions means she still has feelings for you.
Hey Kevin,
I tried replying to your post on my original post, but I don't think you saw it. You suggested I skip NC. My concern with that is that he will just be comfortable with being friends and never pursue more. Also, I should probably mention that out of spite (& because I didn't want to seem desperate) I said we would never get back together, and so did he. I think (I hope) we’ve both moved past saying it’s impossible, more just unlikely. Last time it came up he said ‘some maturing is definitely required on both our parts’. I really don’t want to be just friends though. I don’t know how to make him see that without looking desperate. I also think I need a little time to improve myself so the same thing doesn't happen all over again. I just don't know what to do. Thanks for your help.
Hey,
I replied to your original post here.
Hey,
I replied to your original post here.
Okay, I broke trust with my ex via some judgmental things I said to her in a number of emails. We had a really solid connection and I screwed up big time. She distanced herself and said she would wait and see how I responded - I did not do well sending many more emails and texts. I also made most of the other mistakes. Our last date was Christmas Day - and she said she was no longer interested in seeing me or even being friends in February . Unfortunately I see her every week in our spiritual community so the no contact rule is hard. I don't want to leave this community because it nourishes me. Even thought she has said she is no longer interested in a relationship, she still connects at church, gives me hugs and talks to me. I even started backing off and she seemed to get mad that I was ignoring her. She says she still cares for me but is not interested in friendship or getting back together because she finds me "untrustworthy" given my judgments. I have been working on this and see her point - I am making the changes in the background. Anyway, I feel we are soul mates but given the break in trust due to harsh words and some other inconsistencies she seems unwilling to give me another chance. I am doing my best to let go and allow things to run their course. But I am deeply in love with her and want to know if there are possible ways to win her back.
Whenever you see her, talk to her as an acquaintance. Don't talk about anything personal, the breakup, or getting back together. That will act as no contact rule for you. After it's over, follow the plan.
Whenever you see her, talk to her as an acquaintance. Don't talk about anything personal, the breakup, or getting back together. That will act as no contact rule for you. After it's over, follow the plan.
Hey Kevin,
We were together for more that a year both 20 years . What if the cause of breakup is not a lie, or a cheat but some words that you said to your girlfriend that really hurt her? Does this make things worse than if it was a lie or a cheat?
Not really. I think it's less damaging than a lying or cheating.
Not really. I think it's less damaging than a lying or cheating.
Hi Kevin. My ex broke up with me two weeks ago because he doesn't know how he feels, and I love him. For the whole relationship - I see this now - he was the one in power because I gave myself up to him, in the sense that I made our relationship our priority and he was in no way willing to commit, so kept doing everything his way. Anyway, I stopped contact with him completely and removed him from Facebook etc. but yesterday I sent him an email saying I wasn't angry and that I understood why it happened, best of luck etc. to which he replied very maturely, basically saying it was noones fault, good luck too. But then I panicked, and sent him one back to ask if he was sure! God, I feel so stupid. He was very nice again and said yes. So now I know that it's really over, but why did I feel the need for this double confirmation? Why didn't I leave it at the simple closure! I feel like I constantly place myself below others in relationships, and your article really struck home. I'm so embarrassed at what I've done, what can I do to learn self-respect? I want to stop reacting in such a silly way in the face of rejection :(
Hey Josephine,
It's OK that you emailed him again. It's hard to not be desperate after a breakup. Don't judge yourself based on this incident. The topic of self-respect and not co-dependent is a big one and it'll be hard to cover in a comment. You can probably find a lot of resources by searching Google. One of the books I recommend is http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025.
Hey Josephine,
It's OK that you emailed him again. It's hard to not be desperate after a breakup. Don't judge yourself based on this incident. The topic of self-respect and not co-dependent is a big one and it'll be hard to cover in a comment. You can probably find a lot of resources by searching Google. One of the books I recommend is http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025.
My ex and I have been together for two years, he is 25 and I am 23. We've been in an apartment together for the last year and signed another years lease in January. February I totaled my car and we cosigned on a brand new one for me. He is a merchant mariner so he is on a ship for at least 6 months out of the year. I seem to want to fight with him the couple weeks leading to him getting on a ship, I think that's my way of transitioning to living without him for awhile. When he gets on the boat everything is great and once he gets off it's even better!
Anyways, we went on vacation with his family in March and we fought most of the time. I'm not entirely use to how quiet his family is so I just felt uncomfortable and it didn't seem like my boyfriend wanted to spend time with me away from them. So the vacation ended up being a nightmare for both of us. We got home and things seemed to be going well, but he was getting on a boat soon so the fighting between us kept going. We went out one night and got into a big argument when he got home and he wanted to break up with me then. We took a couple days, I begged him to stay, we talked it out and things were fine. The rest of our time together was great before he got on the ship and we both said we were happy things were working out.
He got on the ship for two weeks before coming home and breaking up with me. I brought up a past issue we had when he got on the ship and I think my inability to let things go sometimes got to him. He came home and cried when he broke up with me. Saying part of him wanted this to work but it just wasn't. We talked about marriage down the road in February and he told me that I was no longer the girl he wanted to marry. Pretty heart breaking to hear. We had already been looking for land to build on this fall when he left so our relationship was starting to get more serious.
I'm not sure if all the fighting and pressure of our future together got to him but he just kept saying he needed space. I moved out within two days. We said we both needed to work on our friendship before anything else. I met up with him after a couple weeks for a beer and I didn't act needy at all. I told him I agreed this breakup was a good idea and that I would continue to support whatever decision he made. I mentioned I thought this relationship was still viable but space was definitely needed. He seemed surprised that this time around I wasn't begging him to stay. A week and a half goes by without talking and he called to tell me I had mail at the apartment. I went over there later that day to grab it and it appeared that we both thought it was good to see each other. I asked to kiss him one more time before he sailed for the next three months and he laughed and said yes. He held on to me like nothing had changed. He rested his forehead against mine. We both said we still had all the feelings for each other and it upset us both because it wasn't working out right now. I'm not exactly sure what wasn't working out but it just seemed like he gave up.
We ended up hanging out again that night and things got really intimate really quick with us. Which I know I shouldn't have done but I initiated it so I felt in control, but maybe he was the one in control. We laid on the couch together and all he wanted to do was hold me and touch me. He kept kissing the back of my head and held on to me tighter. He said it would be hard to see me as a friend at first because we've always been so physically attracted to each other, but believe me there was more to our relationship than attraction. I mean we were in the neighborhood for property to build on THIS FALL. I stayed over until the morning and he said we'll see how the summer goes. The whole time spent with him I could tell he felt the same way about me as I did him.
It's been two weeks of NC. It's getting easier each day and I've respected his need for space. I've done the opposite of what he's expected of me only because I really just see this as him needing space but not knowing how to ask for it. Is this relationship viable? I've been following the plan and have been feeling better about myself. I think I should wait for him to contact me only because it'll show me he's ready to take a step forward. What do you think about this?
We have great relationships with each others friends and family. It just seems like he will come around eventually.
Yes, it's definitely viable. You are doing the right thing. It's a good idea to let him contact you first. If he doesn't contact in you in two months, you should reach out to him.
Kevin,
He's had one other girlfriend than me and it was an on again off again relationship for 6 years. I actually started talking to her after the breakup, he wouldn't find out so I don't see this as a bad thing.
She was happy to help me and said everytime they broke up he would initiate the breakup. Also it always took between 1-2 months before he would even talk to her. We both though he was just overwhelmed with everything going on and needed space but didn't know how to ask for it.
It's hard to have space when you live together so I understand. She also said my relationship was a lot more mature than theirs was and there's a lot of things going for us.
Thank you for the reply. I'll wait for him to contact and if he doesn't after two months I'll contact him. It was our 2 year anniversary before he broke up with me so I got him a gift. A golf ball marker with his monogram on the front and "love,Rina" on the back. It was waiting for him on the boat after the breakup. He already knew he would have it there since I told him at the time of the breakup but do you think appreciated it? Or if that's helped him miss me at all?
We are still facebook friends and my Facebook has been very positive lately and I've posted a lot of very happy pictures of myself. Do you think he's keeping tabs on me there?
Other than that, anything else I can do to help better our situation?
Don't go overboard with the sharing happy pictures on facebook. Keep your facebook activity normal. Yes, he is definitely keeping tabs on you there. I am pretty sure he will appreciate the gift since you bought it before the breakup.
I haven't gone overboard on Facebook at all- just everything I post is positive.
Do you think he'll initiate contact before two months? He's always said it's nice to have someone there to talk to him that's not on the boat and that I keep him some what sane while he's out there.
I can only imagine that he's wondering why I'm not talking to him and that I appear to be dealing with this breakup really well. It just would seem like he's got to start really missing me some time soon.
I haven't gone overboard on Facebook at all- just everything I post is positive.
Do you think he'll initiate contact before two months? He's always said it's nice to have someone there to talk to him that's not on the boat and that I keep him some what sane while he's out there.
I can only imagine that he's wondering why I'm not talking to him and that I appear to be dealing with this breakup really well. It just would seem like he's got to start really missing me some time soon.
I haven't gone overboard on Facebook at all- just everything I post is positive.
Do you think he'll initiate contact before two months? He's always said it's nice to have someone there to talk to him that's not on the boat and that I keep him some what sane while he's out there.
I can only imagine that he's wondering why I'm not talking to him and that I appear to be dealing with this breakup really well. It just would seem like he's got to start really missing me some time soon.
I haven't gone overboard on Facebook at all- just everything I post is positive.
Do you think he'll initiate contact before two months? He's always said it's nice to have someone there to talk to him that's not on the boat and that I keep him some what sane while he's out there.
I can only imagine that he's wondering why I'm not talking to him and that I appear to be dealing with this breakup really well. It just would seem like he's got to start really missing me some time soon.
I haven't gone overboard on Facebook at all- just everything I post is positive.
Do you think he'll initiate contact before two months? He's always said it's nice to have someone there to talk to him that's not on the boat and that I keep him some what sane while he's out there.
I can only imagine that he's wondering why I'm not talking to him and that I appear to be dealing with this breakup really well. It just would seem like he's got to start really missing me some time soon.
Don't go overboard with the sharing happy pictures on facebook. Keep your facebook activity normal. Yes, he is definitely keeping tabs on you there. I am pretty sure he will appreciate the gift since you bought it before the breakup.
Don't go overboard with the sharing happy pictures on facebook. Keep your facebook activity normal. Yes, he is definitely keeping tabs on you there. I am pretty sure he will appreciate the gift since you bought it before the breakup.
Don't go overboard with the sharing happy pictures on facebook. Keep your facebook activity normal. Yes, he is definitely keeping tabs on you there. I am pretty sure he will appreciate the gift since you bought it before the breakup.
Kevin,
He's had one other girlfriend than me and it was an on again off again relationship for 6 years. I actually started talking to her after the breakup, he wouldn't find out so I don't see this as a bad thing.
She was happy to help me and said everytime they broke up he would initiate the breakup. Also it always took between 1-2 months before he would even talk to her. We both though he was just overwhelmed with everything going on and needed space but didn't know how to ask for it.
It's hard to have space when you live together so I understand. She also said my relationship was a lot more mature than theirs was and there's a lot of things going for us.
Thank you for the reply. I'll wait for him to contact and if he doesn't after two months I'll contact him. It was our 2 year anniversary before he broke up with me so I got him a gift. A golf ball marker with his monogram on the front and "love,Rina" on the back. It was waiting for him on the boat after the breakup. He already knew he would have it there since I told him at the time of the breakup but do you think appreciated it? Or if that's helped him miss me at all?
We are still facebook friends and my Facebook has been very positive lately and I've posted a lot of very happy pictures of myself. Do you think he's keeping tabs on me there?
Other than that, anything else I can do to help better our situation?
Kevin,
He's had one other girlfriend than me and it was an on again off again relationship for 6 years. I actually started talking to her after the breakup, he wouldn't find out so I don't see this as a bad thing.
She was happy to help me and said everytime they broke up he would initiate the breakup. Also it always took between 1-2 months before he would even talk to her. We both though he was just overwhelmed with everything going on and needed space but didn't know how to ask for it.
It's hard to have space when you live together so I understand. She also said my relationship was a lot more mature than theirs was and there's a lot of things going for us.
Thank you for the reply. I'll wait for him to contact and if he doesn't after two months I'll contact him. It was our 2 year anniversary before he broke up with me so I got him a gift. A golf ball marker with his monogram on the front and "love,Rina" on the back. It was waiting for him on the boat after the breakup. He already knew he would have it there since I told him at the time of the breakup but do you think appreciated it? Or if that's helped him miss me at all?
We are still facebook friends and my Facebook has been very positive lately and I've posted a lot of very happy pictures of myself. Do you think he's keeping tabs on me there?
Other than that, anything else I can do to help better our situation?
Yes, it's definitely viable. You are doing the right thing. It's a good idea to let him contact you first. If he doesn't contact in you in two months, you should reach out to him.
Me and my ext were together for 1 year. We are both 22 years. Before me she had got 5 boyfriends and she had always managed to find a new boyfriend as soon as possible ( that is because she has a low self esteem because she thinks is not good looking). I am her longest relationship. For me - she is the first serious relationship. We started dating after 3 month in which we were friends with benefits. She wanted me so bad, that I could not resist her. But only 3-4 months after the relationship started I saw that she was not that into me as before. She stopped wanting to have sex and I was no able to arouse as in the begining also the pointless fights started. These are the reasons why I broke up with her this January with the idea to be just freinds and hopefully she would understand her mistakes and about a time we would be together again. Sadly she started searching for new boyfrined as soon as possible. When I asked her why so quickly, she became very angry and said we can't be friends if I ask her questions like this. Then I said that I thought she was going to cheat on me and she said she would blocked me from fb and didn't want to contact her anymore. Then I tried some desperate contacts via SMS but she was ignoring them I even called her and told her that despite everything I loved her but she said that she didn't love me anymore and would never do. So I wrote her some stuff about her personality which would hurt her. After week I called her one more time to ask her to go out and she was even more angry and used rude words againts me. Of course I replied again with the personal issue that would hurt her but without rude words or swears.
In March she got a new boyfriend and she tried to make me jealous by facebook ( because she knew I was stalking her despite blocking me) and even sent me a naked picture with him to see his tatoo. Then I applied no contact rule. Meanwhile she broke with him. After 30 days I called her to ask her to go grab something to eat, because I have a good occasion. She said no wished me all the best and so did I. After 5 minuts she called angrier than ever and again told me not to call her because "You can't talk to me bulshit and then call me " and I hung up the phone. 4 days after the conversasion she went to see one of her old friends in different town ( even though she hate this girl) and posted pictures on this girl's facebook so that I can see them and become angry. Of course, I ignore it. So 20 days have passed since my second attempt with no contact. Do I have chance or not?
You do have a chance. But if you get her back, it's not going to be a healthy relationship, in my opinion. Do you really see yourself having a long and healthy relationship with this girl?
My rational side says - no. I know that probably it is just an addiction that I feel at the moment rather than love. But the emotional part of me wants her back.
Believe the rational side. Your emotions will change with time. But facts and reasons don't change with time.
Still I used the magic letter and it worked. She replied and apologized too. Moreover she said that everything is in the past and wished me all the best.
Still I used the magic letter and it worked. She replied and apologized too. Moreover she said that everything is in the past and wished me all the best.
Still I used the magic letter and it worked. She replied and apologized too. Moreover she said that everything is in the past and wished me all the best.
Still I used the magic letter and it worked. She replied and apologized too. Moreover she said that everything is in the past and wished me all the best.
Still I used the magic letter and it worked. She replied and apologized too. Moreover she said that everything is in the past and wished me all the best.
Hi, I'm sorry to butt in. But I think Kevin is right. If ever you reconcile with her, it will be a very unhealthy relationship based on the way she acts and reacts. I know how hard it is to move on but I think you might be destroying yourself in the process of wanting her to get back.And sooner or later you will find yourselves again breaking up, wanting ber back, repeat until fade. It is hard to move on but it'll be harder if you spend the rest of the days or months sticking onto her. On't lose yourself in the process of loving someone so much. You might just be missing the feeling of being in love and emotionally attached just because it has been in your system but you can no longer be in love. You just get into that addiction. Save yourself from so much pain in the future. After all, the decision is always yours. God bless, bud!
Thank you, bud! You are right!
Thank you, bud! You are right!
Thank you, bud! You are right!
Thank you, bud! You are right!
Thank you, bud! You are right!
If its your first serious relationship then its probably best to just leave it and move on. While there are many good lessons in this article, it is obvious that you are lacking in the sort of emotional strength or perspective required to be successful. You may think this is the end of the world and you must do everything in you power to get her back , but chances are you dont miss her, you just miss being in a relationship ( and the sex ).
The best thing you can do is determine what mistakes you made so you are less likely to repeat them the next time you are in a relationship. Improve yourself and find the strength to not be so needy. In the long run you'll be a better man for it.
Believe the rational side. Your emotions will change with time. But facts and reasons don't change with time.
Hi, I'm sorry to butt in. But I think Kevin is right. If ever you reconcile with her, it will be a very unhealthy relationship based on the way she acts and reacts. I know how hard it is to move on but I think you might be destroying yourself in the process of wanting her to get back.And sooner or later you will find yourselves again breaking up, wanting ber back, repeat until fade. It is hard to move on but it'll be harder if you spend the rest of the days or months sticking onto her. On't lose yourself in the process of loving someone so much. You might just be missing the feeling of being in love and emotionally attached just because it has been in your system but you can no longer be in love. You just get into that addiction. Save yourself from so much pain in the future. After all, the decision is always yours. God bless, bud!
If its your first serious relationship then its probably best to just leave it and move on. While there are many good lessons in this article, it is obvious that you are lacking in the sort of emotional strength or perspective required to be successful. You may think this is the end of the world and you must do everything in you power to get her back , but chances are you dont miss her, you just miss being in a relationship ( and the sex ).
The best thing you can do is determine what mistakes you made so you are less likely to repeat them the next time you are in a relationship. Improve yourself and find the strength to not be so needy. In the long run you'll be a better man for it.
Believe the rational side. Your emotions will change with time. But facts and reasons don't change with time.
Hi, I'm sorry to butt in. But I think Kevin is right. If ever you reconcile with her, it will be a very unhealthy relationship based on the way she acts and reacts. I know how hard it is to move on but I think you might be destroying yourself in the process of wanting her to get back.And sooner or later you will find yourselves again breaking up, wanting ber back, repeat until fade. It is hard to move on but it'll be harder if you spend the rest of the days or months sticking onto her. On't lose yourself in the process of loving someone so much. You might just be missing the feeling of being in love and emotionally attached just because it has been in your system but you can no longer be in love. You just get into that addiction. Save yourself from so much pain in the future. After all, the decision is always yours. God bless, bud!
If its your first serious relationship then its probably best to just leave it and move on. While there are many good lessons in this article, it is obvious that you are lacking in the sort of emotional strength or perspective required to be successful. You may think this is the end of the world and you must do everything in you power to get her back , but chances are you dont miss her, you just miss being in a relationship ( and the sex ).
The best thing you can do is determine what mistakes you made so you are less likely to repeat them the next time you are in a relationship. Improve yourself and find the strength to not be so needy. In the long run you'll be a better man for it.
Believe the rational side. Your emotions will change with time. But facts and reasons don't change with time.
Hi, I'm sorry to butt in. But I think Kevin is right. If ever you reconcile with her, it will be a very unhealthy relationship based on the way she acts and reacts. I know how hard it is to move on but I think you might be destroying yourself in the process of wanting her to get back.And sooner or later you will find yourselves again breaking up, wanting ber back, repeat until fade. It is hard to move on but it'll be harder if you spend the rest of the days or months sticking onto her. On't lose yourself in the process of loving someone so much. You might just be missing the feeling of being in love and emotionally attached just because it has been in your system but you can no longer be in love. You just get into that addiction. Save yourself from so much pain in the future. After all, the decision is always yours. God bless, bud!
If its your first serious relationship then its probably best to just leave it and move on. While there are many good lessons in this article, it is obvious that you are lacking in the sort of emotional strength or perspective required to be successful. You may think this is the end of the world and you must do everything in you power to get her back , but chances are you dont miss her, you just miss being in a relationship ( and the sex ).
The best thing you can do is determine what mistakes you made so you are less likely to repeat them the next time you are in a relationship. Improve yourself and find the strength to not be so needy. In the long run you'll be a better man for it.
My rational side says - no. I know that probably it is just an addiction that I feel at the moment rather than love. But the emotional part of me wants her back.
My rational side says - no. I know that probably it is just an addiction that I feel at the moment rather than love. But the emotional part of me wants her back.
You do have a chance. But if you get her back, it's not going to be a healthy relationship, in my opinion. Do you really see yourself having a long and healthy relationship with this girl?
Hi :). I have read all of your advice and have to admit have not done a good job of following it. My ex (35)and I (27) met in 5 months ago and went official 3 months ago. We took things slow. Met his kid and family and was with him all the time. He was a bit needy and sensitive. He was talking about taking a really good job in another country and I got kind of needy too and was pressuring him about what would happen to us, instead if being supportive....oops. Also his best friend was encouraging him to be single because they have a guys trip abroad in a months, for a month to a bunch if European countries that was planned before we were together. We got into a talk, I criticized him and he dumped me....saying I put to much pressure and that he doesn't want anything. He said he didn't want to become codependent, like his ex. Ironically, in the past he was the one who got upset when I made plans outside the relationship and fueled codependency. I felt if I followed through on my plans he wouldn't have felt that way. I accepted in the end. I cried in the break up but accepted it gracefully. But we started talking a couple days later...then were talking everyday...he was talking about doing things, like taking trips together...texts and calls everyday and sweet names for the past two weeks after the break up....hooked up, but still says he doesn't want anything. I have been too open about my intentions if still wanting to be with him, feeding the ego. I have a feeling bc of his trip to Europe he also wants to be single Anyways..I live abroad..he is a local here. Guys throw themselves at me, bc I'm different. I have gotten flowers 3 times in the last two weeks, it's wierd...Some intense guy who is a friend if a friend and was too interested in me in the past heard I was single again and sent me flowers to work... No card, i texted to ask if it was my ex,,and he got super jealous and accusing. Hasn't talked to me...to make matters worse, I posted a pic of the roses...oops. Now he was super short and cold...canceled plans with me.deleted all of our pics ..Have a feeling he wouldn't respond to any further messages... I think not contacting...until he gets back from him trip...or during the end...it would be a little over a month. Or do I not have a chance. He is one of a kind, truly. Everyone has their faults, but would be hard to find a better catch.
Don't contact until he comes back. In fact, after he comes back, give him one more month of limited contact. That means, don't contact him unless he contacts you.
Don't contact until he comes back. In fact, after he comes back, give him one more month of limited contact. That means, don't contact him unless he contacts you.
Hi my name is Sharon. My ex girlfriend ended our relationship after 2 months shy of 4 years together. There was a lot of chaos with her 19 year old daughter her daughters boyfriend and their 1 1/2 year old baby that lived with us. I couldn't handle her enabling the kids to the point that our house was just totally trashed so I bitched about it constantly and she was an emotional wreck due to her enabling. She said she just was not happy anymore and didn't think I was happy. That's the truth neither of us were happy due to all the chaos going on in our lives. She got in a relationship a week later with her first female lover from 17 years ago. Here's the kicker we still live together because we signed a 5 year lease together and have 3 years to go and my landlord will not take my name off the lease making it very difficult to find a place to live. It's been 4 months now and she finally kicked the kids out. I moved to the top floor apt of our house so there is now some separation. And her new girlfriend of 4 months is here all the time. Pretty tough situation and pretty messed up yet I'm still in love with her. I pretty much keep my distance and don't hardly text her but she will text me on a pretty regular basis. I decided to go to counseling and am making the effort to take a good look at myself and grow from all of this. I can't really tell what her motives are. Am I an option to her? Does she question her choice to leave me? Is she just using this new girl to ease her own pain? I mean it did not work 17 years ago for a reason. I've had long term relationships end and did not go thru emotional pain and confusion like this one has brought. I have always felt like she was the one I'm supposed to be with forever. Maybe this was supposed to happen so we can both grow to be better people. I'm just keeping the focus on me for now. Any thoughts on my situation?
She does probably question her decision. Her relationship is probably a rebound that she is using to ease her pain.
She does probably question her decision. Her relationship is probably a rebound that she is using to ease her pain.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend (of a year) and I fell in love hard and quick as we had so many things in common and had a great connection. I met his family and moved in and EVERYTHING was great. Then, suddenly he broke his arm and couldn't work anymore to support us and he's old school so he won't let me help financially, especially that I am a student and not working either. So, he told me to go back home to my family bought me a plane ticket and said he'd call me when he's better. Since I've left I bombarded him with texts and he called once saying, he can't be with anyone anymore and he's very disappointed (on the verge of depression). I've received no phone calls or texts from him and it's been a month. I'm trying the NC rule and this is my first week, but we didn't fight or anything for the breakup to happen it happened because of his health and money. He always said he's never felt this way about a girl before and I feel the same about him. I'm not unhappy about myself, and not depressed about the breakup because I'm hoping he'd call me when he's better which will be in 6 months for his arm to heal (according to doctors). Please Kevin, help me with what I should do here? I don't want to look needy with my texting anymore and I've taken your advice on NC rule (though it's been hard). I'm concentrating on my studies in the meantime and trying to get a job or work experience to get me work, but I want to move back to the city and be with him. He has no financial security but we both had plans for our future that we both were doing before his unfortunate arm break. He feels embarrassed especially cos at his age, 35, he should have some financial security (but so should I). Do you think we have a chance together? Do you think he'll come back to me?
You do have a chance. Give him the space he needs. You can contact him once every month to catch up. But don't pressure him into getting back together and if he's still depressed, give him space.
OMG I can't believe you replied so quickly, you're the greatest! :)... He's not answering his phone at all!!! Do I still call him?
In that case, don't call him for at least two months. After that, send a text first, to test the waters.
Thank you Kevin, if he doesn't answer me still does that mean it's over? He said I was his life and never felt about anyone like this before. Plus we had future plans and suddenly he lost hope in everything when the doctors told him he couldn't work with his arm for a while and he lost what little savings he had cos of it... I want to know what's going on in his head and if he'll ever be the happy person I once knew. What should I do if he doesn't answer me even after two months? and What should I say in my message? thank you so much Kevin, I appreciate your help :)
Hey Rihanna,
If he's depressed, then no one can know what's really going on in his mind, even him. You shouldn't waste your mental energy into thinking about it. And no, it's not over if he doesn't answer your call. You can send him the "something reminded me of you text" mentioned in the article. If he doesn't respond, then wait another 3 months before contacting him.
Hey Rihanna,
If he's depressed, then no one can know what's really going on in his mind, even him. You shouldn't waste your mental energy into thinking about it. And no, it's not over if he doesn't answer your call. You can send him the "something reminded me of you text" mentioned in the article. If he doesn't respond, then wait another 3 months before contacting him.
Hey Rihanna,
If he's depressed, then no one can know what's really going on in his mind, even him. You shouldn't waste your mental energy into thinking about it. And no, it's not over if he doesn't answer your call. You can send him the "something reminded me of you text" mentioned in the article. If he doesn't respond, then wait another 3 months before contacting him.
Hey Rihanna,
If he's depressed, then no one can know what's really going on in his mind, even him. You shouldn't waste your mental energy into thinking about it. And no, it's not over if he doesn't answer your call. You can send him the "something reminded me of you text" mentioned in the article. If he doesn't respond, then wait another 3 months before contacting him.
Hey Rihanna,
If he's depressed, then no one can know what's really going on in his mind, even him. You shouldn't waste your mental energy into thinking about it. And no, it's not over if he doesn't answer your call. You can send him the "something reminded me of you text" mentioned in the article. If he doesn't respond, then wait another 3 months before contacting him.
Hey Rihanna,
If he's depressed, then no one can know what's really going on in his mind, even him. You shouldn't waste your mental energy into thinking about it. And no, it's not over if he doesn't answer your call. You can send him the "something reminded me of you text" mentioned in the article. If he doesn't respond, then wait another 3 months before contacting him.
Thank you Kevin, if he doesn't answer me still does that mean it's over? He said I was his life and never felt about anyone like this before. Plus we had future plans and suddenly he lost hope in everything when the doctors told him he couldn't work with his arm for a while and he lost what little savings he had cos of it... I want to know what's going on in his head and if he'll ever be the happy person I once knew. What should I do if he doesn't answer me even after two months? and What should I say in my message? thank you so much Kevin, I appreciate your help :)
Thank you Kevin, if he doesn't answer me still does that mean it's over? He said I was his life and never felt about anyone like this before. Plus we had future plans and suddenly he lost hope in everything when the doctors told him he couldn't work with his arm for a while and he lost what little savings he had cos of it... I want to know what's going on in his head and if he'll ever be the happy person I once knew. What should I do if he doesn't answer me even after two months? and What should I say in my message? thank you so much Kevin, I appreciate your help :)
Thank you Kevin, if he doesn't answer me still does that mean it's over? He said I was his life and never felt about anyone like this before. Plus we had future plans and suddenly he lost hope in everything when the doctors told him he couldn't work with his arm for a while and he lost what little savings he had cos of it... I want to know what's going on in his head and if he'll ever be the happy person I once knew. What should I do if he doesn't answer me even after two months? and What should I say in my message? thank you so much Kevin, I appreciate your help :)
Thank you Kevin, if he doesn't answer me still does that mean it's over? He said I was his life and never felt about anyone like this before. Plus we had future plans and suddenly he lost hope in everything when the doctors told him he couldn't work with his arm for a while and he lost what little savings he had cos of it... I want to know what's going on in his head and if he'll ever be the happy person I once knew. What should I do if he doesn't answer me even after two months? and What should I say in my message? thank you so much Kevin, I appreciate your help :)
In that case, don't call him for at least two months. After that, send a text first, to test the waters.
In that case, don't call him for at least two months. After that, send a text first, to test the waters.
In that case, don't call him for at least two months. After that, send a text first, to test the waters.
OMG I can't believe you replied so quickly, you're the greatest! :)... He's not answering his phone at all!!! Do I still call him?
OMG I can't believe you replied so quickly, you're the greatest! :)... He's not answering his phone at all!!! Do I still call him?
You do have a chance. Give him the space he needs. You can contact him once every month to catch up. But don't pressure him into getting back together and if he's still depressed, give him space.
My gf and i just broke up recently. We've been together for just a little over 2 years now. Our fight started because of me, i was angry at her and jealous so i ignored her for a couple of days. Then realise my mistake so i txted her sorry cause she didn't wanna see me. When she finally wanted to see me, she said she didn't wanna be with me anymore, so i did what most would do in order to keep her, i begged and pleaded etc... Not sure what's going on but she said we're back together, not sure if she meant that or she just wanted to get rid of me. Then few days later she ask for some space and time, so i said ok but we still continued to txt each other. Few days later again she asked for no communication at all, and that she will talk to me again soon. I agreed to it and ask her not to take too long and she replied "we'll see". Here is where i'm at a loss, am i losing her?
I can't say if you will lose her or not, but it'll be a good idea to give her the space she needs. If she wants to breakup, accept it gracefully and start the 5 step plan.
I can't say if you will lose her or not, but it'll be a good idea to give her the space she needs. If she wants to breakup, accept it gracefully and start the 5 step plan.
NC is over (I have to admit it only lasted 24 days).. I sent him an email 2 days ago, similar to what you suggested (very short, saying I had accepted the break-up, etc.).. he replied back saying he was hoping I would get in touch with him again and that he was happy when he saw any online activity from me on social media. We have had some short email exchanges, and I am thinking that I am writing back too quickly and too much (I replied a longer one to his last short one, but at least the exchange has only been one to one so far). I replied to him last night and haven't heard back yet (it is Friday night now). We haven't moved to text because we started this email exchange. I was wondering how long you would advise in between replying to his emails? I don't want to come across as overly excited and needy...
Also, is it better to switch to text?
I'll recommend you don't contact him for a week and then switch to text. As long as you are not replying to his emails instantly, you won't look needy.
I just got an email back today that was super brief. I think you are right.. Will stop replying and switch to text in a few days. I have to think about what to text about.
we have been texting back and forth, and all is going well.. and he replied to an email this morning (he sent me a slightly longer one). i haven't replied yet and was going to leave it until tomorrow so i don't come across too eager. we have been having some pretty good rapport. i was wondering when is a good time to ask him to meet up.. i don't want to jump the gun. he has not made any moves to do so himself.
Ask him out after a week or two of texting.
Ask him out after a week or two of texting.
Ask him out after a week or two of texting.
Ask him out after a week or two of texting.
Ask him out after a week or two of texting.
we have been texting back and forth, and all is going well.. and he replied to an email this morning (he sent me a slightly longer one). i haven't replied yet and was going to leave it until tomorrow so i don't come across too eager. we have been having some pretty good rapport. i was wondering when is a good time to ask him to meet up.. i don't want to jump the gun. he has not made any moves to do so himself.
we have been texting back and forth, and all is going well.. and he replied to an email this morning (he sent me a slightly longer one). i haven't replied yet and was going to leave it until tomorrow so i don't come across too eager. we have been having some pretty good rapport. i was wondering when is a good time to ask him to meet up.. i don't want to jump the gun. he has not made any moves to do so himself.
we have been texting back and forth, and all is going well.. and he replied to an email this morning (he sent me a slightly longer one). i haven't replied yet and was going to leave it until tomorrow so i don't come across too eager. we have been having some pretty good rapport. i was wondering when is a good time to ask him to meet up.. i don't want to jump the gun. he has not made any moves to do so himself.
I just got an email back today that was super brief. I think you are right.. Will stop replying and switch to text in a few days. I have to think about what to text about.
I just got an email back today that was super brief. I think you are right.. Will stop replying and switch to text in a few days. I have to think about what to text about.
I'll recommend you don't contact him for a week and then switch to text. As long as you are not replying to his emails instantly, you won't look needy.
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for this information. Your website has been very insightful, helping me approach my breakup bewilderment in a more healthy and productive way.
I'm interested to hear what you have to say about my situation. About 6 months ago my partner of three years broke off our relationship. I had just returned from a month long trip - something she had fair notice of and was okay with - and we had an anniversary. I sensed a bit of distance from her before I left and some when I returned. Nothing alarming or severe, just a little distance. We never argued or said hurtful things to each other. The only conflict we ever had involved her successive social activities that she'd commit to on short notice. I literally wouldn't see her for a week because she would last minute make plans to go out with friends every night. We got along so well otherwise, made each other laugh hysterically and were very physical. We were also in the early stages of buying a home. It was our dream and goal and I regarded her as my life partner. She had said to me "I've thought of you as one day being my husband." There was no ring, but the commitment was real and it was my intention to marry her after we bought a house.
The breakup was random and blindsiding, occurring on her birthday after I took her out for dinner. She said that she was unhappy with us, had been for 3 months and didn't want to be with me. She said when I was on my trip she holed up at home, didn't hang out with anyone and envisioned herself in the future, realizing I'm not the person she should be with. We tried to talk a couple times after that and it was a mess. Lots of crying, her telling me "I'm doing this for me." She also told me I was amazing, wonderful and that she loved me which was the most confusing thing to hear. Foolishly, I contacted her a number of times over the course of the next 2 months. Most of it was about moving out, bills, etc. I texted her on Christmas and a few other times to tell her we should talk but she was defensive and not willing.
Two months passed before we actually spoke to each other. She initiated the conversation but made it seem like she was doing me a favor. We met one night and spoke in her car. She seemed off, kind of aggressive and not like I had ever seen her. She informed me that she didn't think we ever had a connection, that she's not the person for me, she felt so alone with me, etc. All of this was just as blindsiding as the breakup. The following day I receive an email from her explaining she didn't feel comfortable talking about it in person, but a month after she broke up with me she started seeing someone and they were going to marry in the fall.
I have since learned that she asked a friend of mine if she should tell me about the engagement before I heard it from someone else. He said yes, she should. That was the only reason she spoke to me after two months. I also learned she had been with new dude three weeks when the engagement happened and she moved in with him. She now lives in his house that looks just like the houses we were fixing to buy. Dude is a recovering alcoholic with domestic charges in his past. Mutual friends have severed their ties to this man, get an untrustworthy feeling from him or understand him to be a jerk. I personally don't know the guy, but information available on him doesn't reveal stellar character. I would say he's opposite of me in most ways.
I know they're still together and that his rich family is backing her business endeavor, as she was fired from her job shortly after shacking up with the man. I know she has tried to insert new dude into areas of her life in replacement of me. I haven't seen or spoken to her since the engagement email. Initially, I was devastated by her behaviors. Now I see some pretty undesirable character flaws in her. All of it is still confusing. Why did she care how I learned about her engagement? Why was she in love with me for three years if we never had a connection? Why can't she let new dude organically become part of her life rather than inserting him into contexts I previously occupied? Sounds like a trainwreck rebound to me.
Yeah, that's a pretty messed up rebound. There's a good chance she will go through the wedding. I don't want to go into the reasons why I think like this. But I'll strongly recommend you concentrate on moving on.
Yeah, that's a pretty messed up rebound. There's a good chance she will go through the wedding. I don't want to go into the reasons why I think like this. But I'll strongly recommend you concentrate on moving on.
Also, we are trying to be friends, but I wanted to find out how to get past being friend-zoned when we finally do meet, if that is where his head is at (of course I plan to look as hot as possible, etc.. and yes, I think I have improved for the better since our break-up.. I feel like a whole new person). His reason for the break-up was that he didn't feel that crazy connection he wanted (the spark faded), although he says he cares for me deeply. I'm worried about being just thought of as a friend.
If you do feel like a whole new person, he will probably feel the spark again. Don't worry about it.
If you do feel like a whole new person, he will probably feel the spark again. Don't worry about it.
Hi Kevin,
I'm a pretty big knowledge nut, once I find something interesting I strive to know more. A while back I fixated on the brain and some of its functions, especially one in particular, memory. I know quite a bit about memory recollection and ways to invoke memories in a person. For instance, certain smells can cause specific memories to involuntarily flood into the conscious mind. I wont go into detail as to the specific reasons this happens but essentially the parts of the brain that are responsible for memory formations is closely tied into the parts of the brain the are responsible for the sensory organs such as sight, smells, and hearing. Because of this, certain sights, sounds, and smells, when perceived can involuntarily invoke memories that those specific smells were present during. By using these senses, not only are the memories invoked, but so are the emotions experienced during the memories and they can be just as powerful and intense as they were when the memory was formed. My question to you, would it be morally acceptable to use such knowledge and techniques to remind my ex of moments of bliss? To trigger certain memories of times that we spent together where there was significant emotions involved?
P.S. If you have questions on the specifics of how this works or just want to know more, I can explain in further detail in an email.
I don't see anything wrong with it.
Okay cool, thanks Kevin
If you want to know more on how it works, let me know, its pretty cool stuff in my opinion.
Okay cool, thanks Kevin
If you want to know more on how it works, let me know, its pretty cool stuff in my opinion.
Okay cool, thanks Kevin
If you want to know more on how it works, let me know, its pretty cool stuff in my opinion.
I don't see anything wrong with it.
Hi kevin
Thank you for for your blog as I'm in a desperate situation as this has been going on for six months and i don't know what to do
my wife started a new job 1 year ago and all was good as she said she found her dream job as time progressed she was always talking to me about a guy at work that she found really interesting but i let it go as she seemed pretty happy still with me… during this time i found a new job and had to do nightshift and she said she was not happy with the night shift but accepted it as i was think about our future and try to get ahead in life due to our finical difficulties..
In january this year my wife changed positions in her work place and then all of a sudden within a week this co worker told her how he felt about her and she feel for him
she 30 he is 52..
we went to marriage counselling but every time she was asked not to contact him and start to work on our marriage she would just lie to the therapist and me and done what she wanted.. long story short about a week ago she moved out as she said she was confused and need space and said to me that she wanted to be alone the next day i found out this guy was staying there… i done all the opposite to what was need to be done i got angry upset, needy and begging all within a week.
i know that she is confused and needs help as she has been drinking heavily and smoking heaps but she tell her family she is happy with this new guy…
i don't know what to do before she left she told me she loved me and cared for me but i don't know if its true as she has moved on with this new guy as he knew everything i did wrong in our relationship and is trying to do everything to make her happy
Is this a rebound and if so how should i pursue it as i think in the last week i have made this situation worse by the how i have treated her
regards
Domenic
Hey Domenic,
In my opinion, it's not a rebound. It seems the guy was the reason your ex left you.
Hey Domenic,
In my opinion, it's not a rebound. It seems the guy was the reason your ex left you.
Hey! Long story, but will try to summarize. Me and my ex had 2 very rough patchesrelationship and each time he felt the need to tell his whole family and 3 best friends about it. On top that he humiliated me and it got so out of hand we had to go our separate ways. I still.love him though but ive recognized that i also need m own time. Roughly right after our break up, one of his bestfriends deleted me off of everything and it kind of bothered me because i use to be kind of close to them. Anyways..i tried to talking to my ex and it just didnt work..i knew i had to let it go so i started the NC rule about 3 days ago (5 days after our break up) and my ex has been snapchatting me 1 to 2 times a day saying things like "hi" or "hello" after ignoring me for a while and even though ive opened the snapchat, i havent contacted him back at all. I notice he looks at the photos i put in My Story on snapchat and so did his other best friend. But today, his other best friend has also deleted me from snapchat which leads me to believe that my ex is talking smack again and idk why...mayb because he realized i am not talking to him..im worried that im puabing him away with me not contacting him. So what should i do? Should i contact him?
You shouldn't contact him for another 30 days. Read the 5 step plan.
i ended up snapchatting him back today after he sent me a snapchat of himself half smiling with a simple "hope everything is well, goodnight!" to which he quickly replied "you have a goodnight also:)"
then i stopped
i know i should have continued to not contact him...but i dont want him to give up either..
im scared that if i ignore him for 30 days, that he will just move on and forget..
what should i do Kevin?
should i just limit the contact and just contact him on occasion or seriously cut him off for 30 days?
Steph,
I'll still recommend 30 days no contact. He will not move on so quickly. You'll have to take a leap of faith. In fact, your absence will make him think about you more.
Steph,
I'll still recommend 30 days no contact. He will not move on so quickly. You'll have to take a leap of faith. In fact, your absence will make him think about you more.
Steph,
I'll still recommend 30 days no contact. He will not move on so quickly. You'll have to take a leap of faith. In fact, your absence will make him think about you more.
Steph,
I'll still recommend 30 days no contact. He will not move on so quickly. You'll have to take a leap of faith. In fact, your absence will make him think about you more.
i ended up snapchatting him back today after he sent me a snapchat of himself half smiling with a simple "hope everything is well, goodnight!" to which he quickly replied "you have a goodnight also:)"
then i stopped
i know i should have continued to not contact him...but i dont want him to give up either..
im scared that if i ignore him for 30 days, that he will just move on and forget..
what should i do Kevin?
should i just limit the contact and just contact him on occasion or seriously cut him off for 30 days?
i ended up snapchatting him back today after he sent me a snapchat of himself half smiling with a simple "hope everything is well, goodnight!" to which he quickly replied "you have a goodnight also:)"
then i stopped
i know i should have continued to not contact him...but i dont want him to give up either..
im scared that if i ignore him for 30 days, that he will just move on and forget..
what should i do Kevin?
should i just limit the contact and just contact him on occasion or seriously cut him off for 30 days?
You shouldn't contact him for another 30 days. Read the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I was with my boyfriend for 4 years, we have been quarrelling quite a bit after our honeymoon period ended. We had been trying to work things out together, trying to achieve mutual understanding between our situation. But the quarrels continued. I just returned from an study exchange program in late April, everything was fine through out the time I was away, we exchanged frequent emails and spoke over the phone every other weekend. However, when I was about to return to give him a surprise that I was back, I received a text which he mentioned that his feelings faded and he is no longer the same person 4 years ago. Telling me that things would never work out for us, we are never on the same page and mindsets. He goals and thinking have changed, dragging the relationship wouldnt benefit either of us. He didnt want to meet up to talk things out, he just ended the relationship over text. He then blocked me out on Facebook. He recently started out working full time and is currently studying part time double degree. I understand that he is overwhelmed with the load in his life, but I have no idea how to let him believe that the relationship would work out this time unlike before.
I have recently got the Relationship Rewind, Im a little lost with the book and I was wondering how do I send my questions to Ryan to clarify some doubts. Ryan mentioned not to use the No Contact, but you recommended using that. Im confused if I should opt for No Contact before sending the first text to get the False Friendship started. I really want him back so bad, but I understand that he needs his space too!
*Help*
Hey Cyntia,
Your relationship falls under the death's door section of relationship rewind. You should do no contact for a few months.
How long do you recommend I should opt for No Contact, will the relationship rewind still work by the time I complete No Contact?
Thanks
I'll recommend two months. I can't guarantee that it'll work. But it's your best bet at this moment.
I'll recommend two months. I can't guarantee that it'll work. But it's your best bet at this moment.
I'll recommend two months. I can't guarantee that it'll work. But it's your best bet at this moment.
I'll recommend two months. I can't guarantee that it'll work. But it's your best bet at this moment.
How long do you recommend I should opt for No Contact, will the relationship rewind still work by the time I complete No Contact?
Thanks
How long do you recommend I should opt for No Contact, will the relationship rewind still work by the time I complete No Contact?
Thanks
Hey Cyntia,
Your relationship falls under the death's door section of relationship rewind. You should do no contact for a few months.
Hello
I broke up with my Girlfriend Few Months Back & I didn't contacted her for 2 months l, Last week In the middle of Night , I got a call from her number 2 times in 10 Minutes INTERVAL. , my phone WAS ON call Waiting, From date of her call , My Messenger was offline from 1 week , I sent her SMS that 'Is everything ok ?'. But she didn't replied , Then Next day I asked her through Text Msg ' That I got Call from your Number 2 Times . What was That For ? Or It wasn't You'. She replied That she saw Miss Call from my number & Dialled Accidentally. But I didn't Called her In Last 2 months. As she lied to me once again , so i cut Of Conversation With ' Delete My Number , It may be Good For Us' ! After That She's' Offline' From her messenger , Like I was & I am still 'Offline'. We are going to meet now in 2 days , In some Public Seminar, How Should I react & I still Love her , But want to keep my self respect too. I made Changes in me after we broke off. Like Losing Massive weight & In my Appearance Looking more Younger & Athletic. I want her to get back to me But She has cheated with me in Past & Guy Who she was Dating Has Left her !
Please Advise How should I go About It When i Run Into her After 2 Days ? & How will i find out That She still Love me 7 Want to reconcile.
Jass Nayyar
Hey,
Be cordial. Look happy. Don't talk about anything personal. Have a good time. Keep the conversations short. Less than 5 minutes.
Hello Kevin,
as soon as we both bumped into each other , she got nervous & her face became red, i made a first shot by asking how is she and she replied 'I am Good' & I SAID 'Hope Things are good at your end' & Good to see you....Then i cut off conversation & moved ahead....& i didn't made any eye contact with her through out my presence there. after when i came back Home i couldnt resist & called her twice but she didnt picked up. Then i sent her text that Our ego & anger wont lead us anywhere, and what mattters is what we've earned in our life. I asked her in Text msg that if she wants to have call from me in future or not, i will respect her answer as same way i didnt contacted her for such a long period, But she didnt gave any reply back neither 'Yes' nor' No'. What do you say ?
Please advise me
I think it was too soon for you to call her. On top of that, you called her more than once and left a message as well. You showed neediness. You need to start no contact all over again.
Hi Kevin
Thanks a ton for your reply, as you said i am not contacting her now but now after 10 days she mailed me & started things again like Blaming me for Everything, I replied back with my mail addressing her that 'Plz let it be like this' , I don't want to discuss anything & gave my view on same saying her that i admit that things were bad from my side too , and i am not responsible for everything & . But after 4 days of my email , she called up while i was on Party with my friends though i have blocked her from Facebook & deleted my messenger on my phone, I took one call & she didn't said anything and disconnected phone, again after 15 mins she called again,but this time i didnt picked her call, may be she saw my posts from someother facebook account, I didnt messaged her that why was she calling , as last time she said it was by mistake she 'dialled' my number, she's checking on me 'where am i ' but when exchanging words on email she says' she not bothered at all'. i am not contacting her and now i think its a matter of my self respect too.As my birthday is coming on 30th june and seriously i am not expecting her call , i want to be back on messenger after my birthday, Now Please suggest
Hi Kevin
Thanks a ton for your reply, as you said i am not contacting her now but now after 10 days she mailed me & started things again like Blaming me for Everything, I replied back with my mail addressing her that 'Plz let it be like this' , I don't want to discuss anything & gave my view on same saying her that i admit that things were bad from my side too , and i am not responsible for everything & . But after 4 days of my email , she called up while i was on Party with my friends though i have blocked her from Facebook & deleted my messenger on my phone, I took one call & she didn't said anything and disconnected phone, again after 15 mins she called again,but this time i didnt picked her call, may be she saw my posts from someother facebook account, I didnt messaged her that why was she calling , as last time she said it was by mistake she 'dialled' my number, she's checking on me 'where am i ' but when exchanging words on email she says' she not bothered at all'. i am not contacting her and now i think its a matter of my self respect too.As my birthday is coming on 30th june and seriously i am not expecting her call , i want to be back on messenger after my birthday, Now Please suggest
Hi Kevin
Thanks a ton for your reply, as you said i am not contacting her now but now after 10 days she mailed me & started things again like Blaming me for Everything, I replied back with my mail addressing her that 'Plz let it be like this' , I don't want to discuss anything & gave my view on same saying her that i admit that things were bad from my side too , and i am not responsible for everything & . But after 4 days of my email , she called up while i was on Party with my friends though i have blocked her from Facebook & deleted my messenger on my phone, I took one call & she didn't said anything and disconnected phone, again after 15 mins she called again,but this time i didnt picked her call, may be she saw my posts from someother facebook account, I didnt messaged her that why was she calling , as last time she said it was by mistake she 'dialled' my number, she's checking on me 'where am i ' but when exchanging words on email she says' she not bothered at all'. i am not contacting her and now i think its a matter of my self respect too.As my birthday is coming on 30th june and seriously i am not expecting her call , i want to be back on messenger after my birthday, Now Please suggest
Hi Kevin
Thanks a ton for your reply, as you said i am not contacting her now but now after 10 days she mailed me & started things again like Blaming me for Everything, I replied back with my mail addressing her that 'Plz let it be like this' , I don't want to discuss anything & gave my view on same saying her that i admit that things were bad from my side too , and i am not responsible for everything & . But after 4 days of my email , she called up while i was on Party with my friends though i have blocked her from Facebook & deleted my messenger on my phone, I took one call & she didn't said anything and disconnected phone, again after 15 mins she called again,but this time i didnt picked her call, may be she saw my posts from someother facebook account, I didnt messaged her that why was she calling , as last time she said it was by mistake she 'dialled' my number, she's checking on me 'where am i ' but when exchanging words on email she says' she not bothered at all'. i am not contacting her and now i think its a matter of my self respect too.As my birthday is coming on 30th june and seriously i am not expecting her call , i want to be back on messenger after my birthday, Now Please suggest
Hi Kevin
Thanks a ton for your reply, as you said i am not contacting her now but now after 10 days she mailed me & started things again like Blaming me for Everything, I replied back with my mail addressing her that 'Plz let it be like this' , I don't want to discuss anything & gave my view on same saying her that i admit that things were bad from my side too , and i am not responsible for everything & . But after 4 days of my email , she called up while i was on Party with my friends though i have blocked her from Facebook & deleted my messenger on my phone, I took one call & she didn't said anything and disconnected phone, again after 15 mins she called again,but this time i didnt picked her call, may be she saw my posts from someother facebook account, I didnt messaged her that why was she calling , as last time she said it was by mistake she 'dialled' my number, she's checking on me 'where am i ' but when exchanging words on email she says' she not bothered at all'. i am not contacting her and now i think its a matter of my self respect too.As my birthday is coming on 30th june and seriously i am not expecting her call , i want to be back on messenger after my birthday, Now Please suggest
I think it was too soon for you to call her. On top of that, you called her more than once and left a message as well. You showed neediness. You need to start no contact all over again.
I think it was too soon for you to call her. On top of that, you called her more than once and left a message as well. You showed neediness. You need to start no contact all over again.
I think it was too soon for you to call her. On top of that, you called her more than once and left a message as well. You showed neediness. You need to start no contact all over again.
Hello Kevin,
as soon as we both bumped into each other , she got nervous & her face became red, i made a first shot by asking how is she and she replied 'I am Good' & I SAID 'Hope Things are good at your end' & Good to see you....Then i cut off conversation & moved ahead....& i didn't made any eye contact with her through out my presence there. after when i came back Home i couldnt resist & called her twice but she didnt picked up. Then i sent her text that Our ego & anger wont lead us anywhere, and what mattters is what we've earned in our life. I asked her in Text msg that if she wants to have call from me in future or not, i will respect her answer as same way i didnt contacted her for such a long period, But she didnt gave any reply back neither 'Yes' nor' No'. What do you say ?
Please advise me
Hello Kevin,
as soon as we both bumped into each other , she got nervous & her face became red, i made a first shot by asking how is she and she replied 'I am Good' & I SAID 'Hope Things are good at your end' & Good to see you....Then i cut off conversation & moved ahead....& i didn't made any eye contact with her through out my presence there. after when i came back Home i couldnt resist & called her twice but she didnt picked up. Then i sent her text that Our ego & anger wont lead us anywhere, and what mattters is what we've earned in our life. I asked her in Text msg that if she wants to have call from me in future or not, i will respect her answer as same way i didnt contacted her for such a long period, But she didnt gave any reply back neither 'Yes' nor' No'. What do you say ?
Please advise me
Hey,
Be cordial. Look happy. Don't talk about anything personal. Have a good time. Keep the conversations short. Less than 5 minutes.
Just wondering if this applies for the other end of the NC rule as well? My gf brought up that we should have no contact. What would i do in this case? Should i wait for her to txt me first or should i be txting her? And what are the chances that she still wants to get back with me?
If she doesn't text you for two months, then you should text her.
If she doesn't text you for two months, then you should text her.
My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago after the break up we did have have contact for a couple of weeks later we stop talking and months later after the break up he had got together with a "friend" of mine, they didnt last much for what I know. 2 months later he blocks me of fb and probably everything he can. I see him every now and then after the break up mo hi or bye just simply stare at each other . I have had 2 relationships after that one but it seems he will always have a place in me because I constantly think of the nice relationship we had, he talks to my mother like nothing and asks her about me idk what is that about.. What should i do.. Should i talk to him again.. What can it mean.. Does he like me still.. Just confused of what to do..
Start talking to him again. That's the only way to find out if there's still hope.
Start talking to him again. That's the only way to find out if there's still hope.
Hey me and my ex_ been broken up for about 3 weeks now I stopped all contact with her so its been 3 days since I talked to her now she talking to another guy now so I was just going to leave her alone then out of the blue she wants to call me every bad name u can think of then sends a picture of her in a wedding dress and her friends in a best made dress saying she's getting married should I congradulate her or say nothing and let it be
Say nothing. Continue no contact. If she contacts you again. Tell her you need some space and time.
Say nothing. Continue no contact. If she contacts you again. Tell her you need some space and time.
Hi Kevin,
My ex (29 y.o) confused me (29 y.o). Since we broke up, he told me he didn't want to have any contact with me. We said to each other this will be the real "break up", because for three years we've been on and off. But after 1.5months, suddenly he invited me for a tea(!). He never drank tea.
We've met at his house because I need to pick up some of my stuff there. When I saw he acted like he's not interested in me anymore, I've lost it. Despite of my initial plan of playing it cool, I ended up telling him that I missed him and tried to kiss him. After denying it at the first time, he confessed that he missed me too. However, he refused to kiss me.
When I told him I will move out my stuff after my exam, he rejected it. He said that I always can keep it at his house (I'm a foreigner in his country). Am I only a back up, hence he wanted the guarantee he can get me back whenever he wants as long as he still has my stuff? Because if he is really over me, he would not want my stuff in his house, right?
His best friend told me that my ex has been sleeping again with his-ex-before-me not long after we broke up (something that he did once we broke up last year).
But when I asked my ex, he said he will never ever get back with that-other-ex again.
My brain almost exploded. I don't understand the game he is playing now. He never not want to kiss me. The whole 3 hours when we met, he didn't behave like a normal him, like forcing an awkward smile and trying so hard to keep distance from me. Plus he got rid all of my stuff that laying around in his room+bathroom and store it in closet. I assumed this is for the sake of the-other-ex. He also uses different cologne now. I am hurt and confused. Please help me. What does he actually wants?
PS : I did the no contact rule 2x. I am clueless.
You shouldn't have told him that you missed him. He was testing if you are still not over him and you showed him that you aren't. He knows that you will take him back whenever he wants. Read the 5 step plan and start no contact again.
You shouldn't have told him that you missed him. He was testing if you are still not over him and you showed him that you aren't. He knows that you will take him back whenever he wants. Read the 5 step plan and start no contact again.
I had a boyfriend of 4yrs, which was we were together for 3yrs and he decided to go abroad for 1year. We're the same age, 24 years old now. After a year in abroad, before going back to our country Ive finally decided to try my luck also working abroad. That time, we have misunderstanding regarding time and support to each other's dreams. We broke up before he came back and Ive finally decided to work on other country. We never had a chance to meet or talk in person. Yes, we message each other seldomly. Till I greet him on his birthday a week ago and he never reply on it. Because of my disappointment, I unfriend him on social network for me to finally forget about him. Apparently, He invited me again and send a song to hear by. I ask him what purpose of the song and never heard anything again. I didnt welcome his invitation anymore and at this moment he blocked me in the said social network. It was so devastating that we really dont know each other and we've end up so badly. I just want to release my odd felling about it and hopes time will heal our heartwounds. Thanks and more power.
Okay so long story sort, ex girlfriend broke up we me 2 months ago, did the no contact for 1 months anyway tonight she sent me a message saying shes "really unhappy and she cant bare it anymore, her life sucks and she feel incredibly alone", to be honest i kinda want her back i love her and miss her so much, i just want to know what i should do or what were her intentions when she sent that message?
She misses you. She is hoping that talking to you will make her feel better. She is not sure if she wants to get back together. Reply to her and try to meet up. Don't push her into getting back together. Let it be her idea.
She misses you. She is hoping that talking to you will make her feel better. She is not sure if she wants to get back together. Reply to her and try to meet up. Don't push her into getting back together. Let it be her idea.
My gf ask for no contact 2 days ago, and since then we've had no contact. However one of our friend ask her about us and she said that my gf said "She really doesn't want me anymore. She still loves me but she's really tired so she is going to let go" I just want to know if i can still get her back as i really love her? It hasn't been that long since we broke up so i'm hoping that maybe she is still abit upset and doesn't really mean it. My friends say she still has pictures of us together on her wall as well as the wallpaper of her cell phone. Will the NC bring her back to me?
It'll definitely increase your chances.
It'll definitely increase your chances.
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 years. We just broke up a couple of weeks ago. Everything was ok, despite the usual ups and downs until she dumped me in front of her colleagues when i went to pick her up after work. She said she didn't want to talk or see me ever again. She said she was no longer into me. I then stopped contacting her for two weeks. She contacted me because she was suspended at work and i ran to her rescue and her case is still pending. A week later she still doesn't anything to do with me. She even said she wud understand if i saw another girl to satisfy my guy needs. She refuses to stop calling me tho. I don't know what to do coz every time she calls i get my hopes up. I told her that we shud end things once and for all coz when i call her, she doesnt answer but she expects me to answer her calls. She goes out with other guys. Could she be checking out her options or must i give her some space?
Please help me, i dont know what to do. I was with my boyfriend two years and everything was perfect for a year, hardly no arguments he took me on holiday he treat me like a princess. All of a sudden he started being weird and shouting at me and loosing his temper if i did or said something wrong, silly things like that, then on his birthday he broke up with me because we argur too much but he was drunk and didnt mean it. But weeks later he broke up with me over the phone and said he doesnt want to be with me and wants to be single, and the break up lasted for a few days untill he contacted me and said he didnt mean it. He has done this to me now about ten times in the past 7 months each time the break up was longer i would say two times i was in the wrong but no reason to walk away :( i love him all the world. we broke up again 4 weeks ago because we had a fight he was treating me bad and i upset him by texting a guy. It was nothing serious just a cry for help :( i begged for 3 full weeks saying how sorry and i got rejected when all of a sudden after not talking tp him he said he wanted to see me, he said he forgave me even though he hasnt he holds grudges, and i was so happy untill he text me and said he doesnt want me to take anything seriously because he doesnt want a relationship with me :( i got upset and i pressured him the next time he seen me and we had an argument and since then he is saying leave him alone when i try to text him. I dont listen and i pester him because i just wanna talk and dont understand why he doesnt want to talk to me! he has now blocked me on EVERYTHING i have no way to get in touch with him :( im heartbroken will he ever even talk to me again? Is it too late? What do i do. Help me, he is my whole world
It's not too late. You have to start no contact and realize that he not your whole world. You have to realize that you can be happy in your life without him. I want you to think things through before getting back with him. Do you really want to spend your entire life walking on eggshells? When anything can make him angry and he would break up with you? Or do you want a stable, strong relationship? If you want the latter, you shouldn't get back with him. I don't think it's possible to have a strong and stable relationship with him unless he makes some drastic changes in himself. And as you might already know, it's impossible to change someone unless they really want to.
It's not too late. You have to start no contact and realize that he not your whole world. You have to realize that you can be happy in your life without him. I want you to think things through before getting back with him. Do you really want to spend your entire life walking on eggshells? When anything can make him angry and he would break up with you? Or do you want a stable, strong relationship? If you want the latter, you shouldn't get back with him. I don't think it's possible to have a strong and stable relationship with him unless he makes some drastic changes in himself. And as you might already know, it's impossible to change someone unless they really want to.
hi Kev,
I've came across your website and it's great. I am definitely going to try NC for a month... and to become a happier person :) it's been almost 5 months after we broke up – I broke up with him because I felt that he loved me less than before but i was also aware that i reacted badly many many times... the pain after our break up was awful but i know it was necessary.. i couldnt be the same person as i was before.. i finally saw a pattern in my relationship, he was some kind of a mirror of myself, projecting all my mistakes... I contacted him many times after the break up, regretting that we are no longer together but he was firm, he said we need to understand why it happened. Then he stopped any communication with me... he was polite, always responding to my emails/texts but it was always me who initiated the contact. He said it's over for him and didnt want to talk about our relationship anymore. Even though i needed some closure. Of course I met other guys, but i still cannot get him out of my head/heart... i think that we both learnt a lot from our mistakes and if we do get back together, it would be different and we would appreciate the relationship more than before. So last week i suggested a meet up, first he said yes but then rejected the idea, asking why i want to meet. I simply said because "i am still thinking of you..." he said that he knows but he's not interested and it's finished for him. So I started to accept the reality, moving on slowly but then – 3 days later – he contacted me on gmail. After 3 months of not starting any communication from his side!!! we only chatted briefly, i was nice and friendly and made it clear that i am having a social life of my own and i am ok. But now.. i am more confused than before... i am wondering if there is a chance of getting back together... Thank you for your response!!!
Yes, there is.
Yes, there is.
After having read through your entire article there is one part of the article that completely stands out to me and I would like some advice on my current situation. You said in the article that-
"What if my ex moves on during the no-contact? What if my ex meets someone and get married during no contact? What if my ex forgets about me during no contact?
Good questions. And the answer to all of them is NO, THEY WON’T."
Could you please explain to me how my ex managed not only dump me out of the blue but get engaged to a complete and random stranger within a weeks time that he met a month ago?
Our relationship is long distance but we have met before and he told me everything was fine in the relationship but when I hadn't heard back from him in 3 weeks I decided to contact him and see what happened. He told me he thought we had broken up even though that never ever happened and our relationship was perfectly fine.
He tells me last night that he met another guy in some motel and for the past month they were together and that somehow just a week ago just like that the guy proposed to him and they are now engaged to be married. It sucks to see that he completely blew me off for an entire month here and not only that he was able to move on from me so quickly that he didn't even care or miss me at all.
What's worse is hearing that he got engaged just like that when he barely knows the guy and me and him were together for months. What do you suggest here to fix this? What can I do in my situation to make things better and get him to leave his "fiance" and come back to me before it's too late and they end up getting married? Your help is appreciated.
Hey John,
I am sorry it happened. I don't think there's much you can do if he decides to go through with the marriage. Although, odds are that their relationship will fall apart before that. There's nothing much you can do except follow the plan. No contact and getting back in touch will still be the best course of action.
Hey John,
I am sorry it happened. I don't think there's much you can do if he decides to go through with the marriage. Although, odds are that their relationship will fall apart before that. There's nothing much you can do except follow the plan. No contact and getting back in touch will still be the best course of action.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I had been dating a year and a half. We both went home for the summer from college. It had only been a few days and we had been arguing because he wasn't talking to me much anymore. He broke up with me because he says we argue too much. The next day he said we didn't click, he wasn't the right guy for me, and that he didn't see us in the long run. This break up totally blind sided me. We were awesome before school ended. Two of his best friends live at his house and both are single. I believe that they might have convinced him to do it. He was very cruel when he did it and didn't want to meet face to face for closure. I have no understanding of what the real reason is and neither does anyone else. We haven't talked in almost two weeks. Do we still have a chance? What do you think?
I think it's worth trying at least once. If it doesn't work, move on.
I think it's worth trying at least once. If it doesn't work, move on.
Hello Kevin,
My case is a bit strange. My ex broke up with me because he didn't like how jealous I was about this girl he was always hanging out with. They were close friends and my trust issues got in the way. He moved to another city to pursue his studies and we had spoken about long distance possibilities previous to the break up. However because he found me controlling due to my jealousy over this one girl, he didn't find it worth it to pursue the relationship saying we lost our connection. On May 3rd we said our goodbyes at the bus terminal and he texted me thanking me for being there that day. I'm on day 21 of no contact. He messaged me on Facebook asking me why I deleted him. And he recently liked one of my comments concerning a movie we watched on our first date. I didn't give in nor reply. Yesterday was his birthday. I didn't contact him. However how do I reinitiate contact in a week though I missed his birthday. Should wish him a belated bday and talk about how I needed space?
Don't mention the birthday. Just use the letter mentioned in this article. Also, I'll recommend you add one week of no contact, to allow enough time to pass after his birthday.
Don't mention the birthday. Just use the letter mentioned in this article. Also, I'll recommend you add one week of no contact, to allow enough time to pass after his birthday.
Kevin,
My girlfriend (20) and I (28) had a long distance relationship for 6 months. During the time we never had one fight and but had a few bumps in the road due to the distance.
We had similar things in common but also had our differences too but accepted them and embraced them as well. She's the girl who in 6 months made me happier than any other relationship that had lasted longer.
A day after our 6 months, she contacted me and said she wanted a break, saying she wasn't sure of our future and wasn't sure if she wanted to move in with me. A few days later she said she just wanted to be friends, loved me but wasn't in love with me, something was missing.
This came out of nowhere and I took me by storm. It's been two weeks and I'm still not feeling better from the aftermath. On top of it, she's already seeing another guy and putting pictures of of them together, but the smile on her face seems forced.
I love this girl, with all my heart and told her I'd fight for her even if she broke up with me (which she warned me about cold feet) I know you say I shouldn't worry because it's probably a rebound, but I'm scared. I want another chance to show her that we were meant to be.
What do you recommend?
I recommend you follow the 5 step plan. That's your best chance to get her back. Contacting her hoping that it'll make her breakup with that other guy is futile. You should contact her after no contact, but don't try to get her to breakup. Let it be her idea. If she is unhappy, she will do it eventually.
I recommend you follow the 5 step plan. That's your best chance to get her back. Contacting her hoping that it'll make her breakup with that other guy is futile. You should contact her after no contact, but don't try to get her to breakup. Let it be her idea. If she is unhappy, she will do it eventually.
Hello Kevin,
My ex-girlfriend just broke up with me a week ago. She's 17 and I am 18. We had been together for 2 years and knew each other a year before that. We've been best friends from the time we met, and we're out firsts. We got to talk about the break up that day in a very open and calm manner.
She looked like it really pained her to be doing that, I know she likes me. What she told me is that although she did not want to break up, she thought she should, because she had started feeling like she was also liking another guy I know. It's not like their interacted a lot, or really talked in private. To me it seemed more like a crush. She would never cheat, but she felt she did not want to hurt me because she didn't feel as strongly as I do. I feel like I basically just listened to her and let her go. We did open up about this, and I think I understand a bit. In the end i said" I hope you are able to work out your feelings, but please don't make me a stranger in the future, I am your friend."
I feel that a reason for her feeling like that was my fault, because as we spent more time together, I became complacent and secure about our relationship. It was like I didn't try more to make her happy, I was working on everything with our future in mind. For now, I really am going to work on myself, and try to become happy with myself. Its the first time that we have not spoken with each other for so long, so I want to prove to myself that I can live without our interaction. I feel she needs space too.
Kevin, I know we are really young, and at this point everyone will say that we need to meet other people. To that I say, I will try my best, but I really feel that I love this girl. We have been through a lot. I just want to hear your opinion, do you think we might still have a chance? Just anything... Aside from my romantic feelings, she is also my best friend, I don't want that to die.
You do have a chance Victor. No matter what happens, I am sure you will do great in your life.
You do have a chance Victor. No matter what happens, I am sure you will do great in your life.
Hey Kevin,
I lost my father in September after a 5 month battle with cancer. My gf (aged 23) left me (aged 22) the following January after 6 years together.
She broke my heart during a time of immense grief. We went 4 months without speaking, and had an amicable meet in April- where it appeared she stood by her decision.
A month has passed since our last meet, and I want to meet her again.
Any advice?
Yours,
JB
Hey JB,
I am sorry for everything you went through. You have my condolences. I will recommend you send her the letter mentioned in the article. And then start sending her texts. Although, I must warn you, even if you do get her back, you will always have a little resentment in your heart about the fact that she left you during such a hard time. And that resentment is going to affect the quality of your relationship with her.
Hey JB,
I am sorry for everything you went through. You have my condolences. I will recommend you send her the letter mentioned in the article. And then start sending her texts. Although, I must warn you, even if you do get her back, you will always have a little resentment in your heart about the fact that she left you during such a hard time. And that resentment is going to affect the quality of your relationship with her.
Hi Kevin,
I'm just trying to decide right now if the universe is punishing me for something. Its like I had this one month that was absolutely perfect, not a single thing could have made it better and now, well I cant think of anything that could make it worse. First I get into this mess that I'm in with my ex right now, I'm currently in the process of changing medications for my bipolar disorder so things are a bit up and down right now, then I've got a lot of problems with my school I have to fix and will likely be returning next year, tonight is my prom night which unfortunately I cant go to seeing as how I'm currently single, and on top of all that I'm now at the vets office with one of my dogs and were talking about possibly putting him down because he's really old and having a problem breathing. All of that has been happening in the last month and a half. Honestly I just want to know when all my bad luck is gonna end because it's becoming quite the bummer. I'm not really sure why I'm telling you all of this, because there really isn't anything anyone can do. I've never really been one to sit around feeling sorry for myself or to ask for help with my problems except with my ex. I don't know, maybe its just nice to finally complain about all of it. I just wish there was someone or something I could blame for all my misfortunes but in the end all of them are my own fault, excluding my dog of course. People keep telling me that everything happens for a reason but I'm having a real hard time seeing one.
Hey, Zach.
We're on the same boat. I feel fucked up by this Universe. Everything bad had happened in just a month which feels like forever already. It's like I'm in a nightmare. I wanna wake up now.
Hey Raed,
When most people hear this they automatically think my ex sounds like a slut but let me first tell you that she is the furthest from a slut. But when we went out for the first time since she broke up with her boyfriend, there was so much tension between us and it had been there for so long that we ended up getting intament on the very same night we had our first kiss. So that is one of the reasons that I know she had very strong feelings for me. That and what she would tell me and others about how I made her feel.
Hey Raed,
When most people hear this they automatically think my ex sounds like a slut but let me first tell you that she is the furthest from a slut. But when we went out for the first time since she broke up with her boyfriend, there was so much tension between us and it had been there for so long that we ended up getting intament on the very same night we had our first kiss. So that is one of the reasons that I know she had very strong feelings for me. That and what she would tell me and others about how I made her feel.
Hey Raed,
When most people hear this they automatically think my ex sounds like a slut but let me first tell you that she is the furthest from a slut. But when we went out for the first time since she broke up with her boyfriend, there was so much tension between us and it had been there for so long that we ended up getting intament on the very same night we had our first kiss. So that is one of the reasons that I know she had very strong feelings for me. That and what she would tell me and others about how I made her feel.
I just want my life back.
Hey Zack
I'm very sorry to hear this...
Nothing lasts forever, not even our problems,
Currently you have to look deep into yourself and find the strength to endure this difficult period. You will be better,just be patient.
I know this does’t help much.
I'm also going through a difficult period,but remember…can’t rain all the time !
Thanks Martina,
I know its all gonna get better eventually, I'm just trying to take it all day by day, hopefully during the next two weeks she will start to talk to me because after that I wont really have any opportunities to see her. I can honestly say without a doubt that this has been the worst five weeks of my life though, it's true what they say, you never really know what you've got until you have lost it.
Its strange, one moment I'm filled with confidence and feel as if I know I'm gonna get her back and that its all going to be okay, and then the next its as if the world is ending and all I can think about is what if...what if she wont talk to me again, what if I completely screwed things up, what if I cant fix it, what if I've lost her for good. I think the best thing for me to do is revert to the guy I was before I met her, she obviously liked him, so did I; that guy walked around like he owned everything and ruled the ground he walked on, he said fuck this, and fuck that, and fuck the world, he did what he wanted and life was good. That guy could be a bit of a dick when he wanted to be but never over the top. He was cocky and confident and she told me she loved that about me. So maybe its time to just give the universe the finger and say fuck the world again. Maybe in the end that's what will get her back, because lets be honest, people like that are hard to ignore, they stick out in a crowd and know how to make a scene. I know if she sees me and cant ignore me then shes thinking about me, and if shes thinking about me then she'll think of the good times. So to you, you fucking bastard of a universe, fuck you!!!
P.S. That is my self-inspiring speech! Every good movie seems to have an inspirational speech and they usually end with the guy getting the girl. I actually feel a little inspired, peculiar?
P.P.S. What does P.S. stand for?
And here is something funny, just 36 days ago, that's only 3 days earlier, we were talking about how we had just had one of the best nights of our lives. Talk about cosmic irony, this sucks!!!
33 days in hell and counting!!! lol
Hey Zach,
I'ts been about a month that I have also lost my ex gf. Since then, I visit this page once in a while and read comments including yours. It makes me feel that I am not the only one!
I am so sorry that you had tough days. I wish you good luck. Its seems you are in the right track. In case, things did not work really well, just remember that you are young and have guts to stand on your own feet.
Cheers!
Its strange, one moment I'm filled with confidence and feel as if I know I'm gonna get her back and that its all going to be okay, and then the next its as if the world is ending and all I can think about is what if...what if she wont talk to me again, what if I completely screwed things up, what if I cant fix it, what if I've lost her for good. I think the best thing for me to do is revert to the guy I was before I met her, she obviously liked him, so did I; that guy walked around like he owned everything and ruled the ground he walked on, he said fuck this, and fuck that, and fuck the world, he did what he wanted and life was good. That guy could be a bit of a dick when he wanted to be but never over the top. He was cocky and confident and she told me she loved that about me. So maybe its time to just give the universe the finger and say fuck the world again. Maybe in the end that's what will get her back, because lets be honest, people like that are hard to ignore, they stick out in a crowd and know how to make a scene. I know if she sees me and cant ignore me then shes thinking about me, and if shes thinking about me then she'll think of the good times. So to you, you fucking bastard of a universe, fuck you!!!
P.S. That is my self-inspiring speech! Every good movie seems to have an inspirational speech and they usually end with the guy getting the girl. I actually feel a little inspired, peculiar?
P.P.S. What does P.S. stand for?
And here is something funny, just 36 days ago, that's only 3 days earlier, we were talking about how we had just had one of the best nights of our lives. Talk about cosmic irony, this sucks!!!
33 days in hell and counting!!! lol
Hey Zach,
I'ts been about a month that I have also lost my ex gf. Since then, I visit this page once in a while and read comments including yours. It makes me feel that I am not the only one!
I am so sorry that you had tough days. I wish you good luck. Its seems you are in the right track. In case, things did not work really well, just remember that you are young and have guts to stand on your own feet.
Cheers!
Its strange, one moment I'm filled with confidence and feel as if I know I'm gonna get her back and that its all going to be okay, and then the next its as if the world is ending and all I can think about is what if...what if she wont talk to me again, what if I completely screwed things up, what if I cant fix it, what if I've lost her for good. I think the best thing for me to do is revert to the guy I was before I met her, she obviously liked him, so did I; that guy walked around like he owned everything and ruled the ground he walked on, he said fuck this, and fuck that, and fuck the world, he did what he wanted and life was good. That guy could be a bit of a dick when he wanted to be but never over the top. He was cocky and confident and she told me she loved that about me. So maybe its time to just give the universe the finger and say fuck the world again. Maybe in the end that's what will get her back, because lets be honest, people like that are hard to ignore, they stick out in a crowd and know how to make a scene. I know if she sees me and cant ignore me then shes thinking about me, and if shes thinking about me then she'll think of the good times. So to you, you fucking bastard of a universe, fuck you!!!
P.S. That is my self-inspiring speech! Every good movie seems to have an inspirational speech and they usually end with the guy getting the girl. I actually feel a little inspired, peculiar?
P.P.S. What does P.S. stand for?
And here is something funny, just 36 days ago, that's only 3 days earlier, we were talking about how we had just had one of the best nights of our lives. Talk about cosmic irony, this sucks!!!
33 days in hell and counting!!! lol
Hey Zach,
I'ts been about a month that I have also lost my ex gf. Since then, I visit this page once in a while and read comments including yours. It makes me feel that I am not the only one!
I am so sorry that you had tough days. I wish you good luck. Its seems you are in the right track. In case, things did not work really well, just remember that you are young and have guts to stand on your own feet.
Cheers!
Its strange, one moment I'm filled with confidence and feel as if I know I'm gonna get her back and that its all going to be okay, and then the next its as if the world is ending and all I can think about is what if...what if she wont talk to me again, what if I completely screwed things up, what if I cant fix it, what if I've lost her for good. I think the best thing for me to do is revert to the guy I was before I met her, she obviously liked him, so did I; that guy walked around like he owned everything and ruled the ground he walked on, he said fuck this, and fuck that, and fuck the world, he did what he wanted and life was good. That guy could be a bit of a dick when he wanted to be but never over the top. He was cocky and confident and she told me she loved that about me. So maybe its time to just give the universe the finger and say fuck the world again. Maybe in the end that's what will get her back, because lets be honest, people like that are hard to ignore, they stick out in a crowd and know how to make a scene. I know if she sees me and cant ignore me then shes thinking about me, and if shes thinking about me then she'll think of the good times. So to you, you fucking bastard of a universe, fuck you!!!
P.S. That is my self-inspiring speech! Every good movie seems to have an inspirational speech and they usually end with the guy getting the girl. I actually feel a little inspired, peculiar?
P.P.S. What does P.S. stand for?
And here is something funny, just 36 days ago, that's only 3 days earlier, we were talking about how we had just had one of the best nights of our lives. Talk about cosmic irony, this sucks!!!
33 days in hell and counting!!! lol
Hey Zach,
I'ts been about a month that I have also lost my ex gf. Since then, I visit this page once in a while and read comments including yours. It makes me feel that I am not the only one!
I am so sorry that you had tough days. I wish you good luck. Its seems you are in the right track. In case, things did not work really well, just remember that you are young and have guts to stand on your own feet.
Cheers!
Its strange, one moment I'm filled with confidence and feel as if I know I'm gonna get her back and that its all going to be okay, and then the next its as if the world is ending and all I can think about is what if...what if she wont talk to me again, what if I completely screwed things up, what if I cant fix it, what if I've lost her for good. I think the best thing for me to do is revert to the guy I was before I met her, she obviously liked him, so did I; that guy walked around like he owned everything and ruled the ground he walked on, he said fuck this, and fuck that, and fuck the world, he did what he wanted and life was good. That guy could be a bit of a dick when he wanted to be but never over the top. He was cocky and confident and she told me she loved that about me. So maybe its time to just give the universe the finger and say fuck the world again. Maybe in the end that's what will get her back, because lets be honest, people like that are hard to ignore, they stick out in a crowd and know how to make a scene. I know if she sees me and cant ignore me then shes thinking about me, and if shes thinking about me then she'll think of the good times. So to you, you fucking bastard of a universe, fuck you!!!
P.S. That is my self-inspiring speech! Every good movie seems to have an inspirational speech and they usually end with the guy getting the girl. I actually feel a little inspired, peculiar?
P.P.S. What does P.S. stand for?
And here is something funny, just 36 days ago, that's only 3 days earlier, we were talking about how we had just had one of the best nights of our lives. Talk about cosmic irony, this sucks!!!
33 days in hell and counting!!! lol
Hey Zach,
I'ts been about a month that I have also lost my ex gf. Since then, I visit this page once in a while and read comments including yours. It makes me feel that I am not the only one!
I am so sorry that you had tough days. I wish you good luck. Its seems you are in the right track. In case, things did not work really well, just remember that you are young and have guts to stand on your own feet.
Cheers!
Thanks Martina,
I know its all gonna get better eventually, I'm just trying to take it all day by day, hopefully during the next two weeks she will start to talk to me because after that I wont really have any opportunities to see her. I can honestly say without a doubt that this has been the worst five weeks of my life though, it's true what they say, you never really know what you've got until you have lost it.
Thanks Martina,
I know its all gonna get better eventually, I'm just trying to take it all day by day, hopefully during the next two weeks she will start to talk to me because after that I wont really have any opportunities to see her. I can honestly say without a doubt that this has been the worst five weeks of my life though, it's true what they say, you never really know what you've got until you have lost it.
Thanks Martina,
I know its all gonna get better eventually, I'm just trying to take it all day by day, hopefully during the next two weeks she will start to talk to me because after that I wont really have any opportunities to see her. I can honestly say without a doubt that this has been the worst five weeks of my life though, it's true what they say, you never really know what you've got until you have lost it.
Hey Zack
I'm very sorry to hear this...
Nothing lasts forever, not even our problems,
Currently you have to look deep into yourself and find the strength to endure this difficult period. You will be better,just be patient.
I know this does’t help much.
I'm also going through a difficult period,but remember…can’t rain all the time !
Hey Zack
I'm very sorry to hear this...
Nothing lasts forever, not even our problems,
Currently you have to look deep into yourself and find the strength to endure this difficult period. You will be better,just be patient.
I know this does’t help much.
I'm also going through a difficult period,but remember…can’t rain all the time !
Hey, Zach.
We're on the same boat. I feel fucked up by this Universe. Everything bad had happened in just a month which feels like forever already. It's like I'm in a nightmare. I wanna wake up now.
I just want my life back.
I have signed up for the step 5 part, but I still have no Idea how the format of the letter should go? Could I perhaps get some examples of these letters? Thanks.
Hey Paul,
You'll get it in the 10th email.
Hey Paul,
You'll get it in the 10th email.
Hi, its been a week since my girlfriend broke up with me. We have been dating for three years and eventually got engaged last February. Last year we had a similar problem where we broke up due to my bad temper but we got back together after a month and I promised that I would change these bad habits. Come to last week, we had a fight over a small issue, which I started and during the heat of the fight I threw a nap to her face. She then removed her engagement ring and told me everything is over. Her family and my parents tried to talk to her but she remains firm upon her decision and she says she have had enough of my moody behaviour and does not have the courage to return as I broken my promise that I would change. When breaking up she said that she is doing that because she loves me and she gave a kiss on the lips. I love her like crazy and its hard to forget a relationship like that. I can do anything for her. Please help.
Hey Kevish,
You should apply no contact. Start going to therapy or joins some type of anger management program. Then get back in touch with her. Instead of telling her that you will change, show her that you've changed and you are taking steps to make changes in your life. It'll greatly increase your chance of getting her back.
Hey Kevish,
You should apply no contact. Start going to therapy or joins some type of anger management program. Then get back in touch with her. Instead of telling her that you will change, show her that you've changed and you are taking steps to make changes in your life. It'll greatly increase your chance of getting her back.
hey kevin,
sorry if i'm asking too much. but i really need help. =( anyway i told you yesterday that my ex contacted me again telling me that we should be civil with each other when he calls me because his gf will be listening. you told me that i should continue talking to him. but after our conversation yesterday, he did not contact me anymore. i texted him last night and asked him how they (he and his new gf) are but he never responded up until now. i am worried that he already agreed to his new on not contacting me anymore which i know will lessen my chance of getting him back. what shall i do? =(
Wait a week or two and then contact him again.
oh just an update. he did reply and we texted. but he seemed a bit distant. i'm not sure if i'm doing it right but i'm just texting like a friend. i'm not sweet or anything. but he did mention some plans on going out on christmas and buying stuff with me.. he even wants to join me when i told him i'm meeting this guy friend. but he asked for my permission if he could go. he even gave me his facebook password because i told him i needed some of stuff but i did not ask for it. he just gave it to me. the password was similar to our old password only the numbers have been changed. the numbers in his new password was their anniversary but then i asked him if he was the one who picked the password and he said yes but the digits were just added by his new girlfriend... am i putting too much attention on little things? =( i mean well i'm obviously head over heels with this man. =( what is the right thing to do? do we have a chance or he was just being friendly. i don't want to be friendzoned =(...help please
I don't think you'll be friendzoned. Friends don't give each other their facebook passwords. He definitely has feelings for you. Yes, you are overthinking the little things. The best thing to do is just stay in touch, try to have fun conversations. Start flirting over texts as well. When you meet him, be positive, and have fun. Also, start going out on dates. He will find out and it'll work to your advantage. It'll make him realize that you won't wait for him forever.
I don't think you'll be friendzoned. Friends don't give each other their facebook passwords. He definitely has feelings for you. Yes, you are overthinking the little things. The best thing to do is just stay in touch, try to have fun conversations. Start flirting over texts as well. When you meet him, be positive, and have fun. Also, start going out on dates. He will find out and it'll work to your advantage. It'll make him realize that you won't wait for him forever.
I don't think you'll be friendzoned. Friends don't give each other their facebook passwords. He definitely has feelings for you. Yes, you are overthinking the little things. The best thing to do is just stay in touch, try to have fun conversations. Start flirting over texts as well. When you meet him, be positive, and have fun. Also, start going out on dates. He will find out and it'll work to your advantage. It'll make him realize that you won't wait for him forever.
Wait a week or two and then contact him again.
oh just an update. he did reply and we texted. but he seemed a bit distant. i'm not sure if i'm doing it right but i'm just texting like a friend. i'm not sweet or anything. but he did mention some plans on going out on christmas and buying stuff with me.. he even wants to join me when i told him i'm meeting this guy friend. but he asked for my permission if he could go. he even gave me his facebook password because i told him i needed some of stuff but i did not ask for it. he just gave it to me. the password was similar to our old password only the numbers have been changed. the numbers in his new password was their anniversary but then i asked him if he was the one who picked the password and he said yes but the digits were just added by his new girlfriend... am i putting too much attention on little things? =( i mean well i'm obviously head over heels with this man. =( what is the right thing to do? do we have a chance or he was just being friendly. i don't want to be friendzoned =(...help please
I added a comment on Thursday, but don't think I have received a response.....
Hey Rhi,
I can't find your comment. Is it possible for you to post again. Please read comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Rhi,
I can't find your comment. Is it possible for you to post again. Please read comments guidelines before posting.
Hi Kevin,
I sent my ex girlfriend a "something remind me" text to her and never got a response. Does this mean she's moved on with her rebound and I should just forget her or should I just go back to NC and try again in a few more weeks? Thanks dude.
Not necessarily. At this point, it's your decision. You can do NC and try again or you can concentrate on moving on. You have to ask yourself how long are you willing to pursue her?
Not necessarily. At this point, it's your decision. You can do NC and try again or you can concentrate on moving on. You have to ask yourself how long are you willing to pursue her?
Hi Kevin,
My bf broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. Yes I did some of the things your not supposed to afterwards texting, calling, and emailing.. He ended our 4.5year relationship because he said he had a feeling we shouldn't be together right now. Then he goes on to tell me he loves me and he's in love with me and no one else could ever take my place . Then continues with he's done and wants no contact between us. It's crazy to me 6 weeks ago he wanted me to live with him, get married and try to have a baby, how does that all change so drastically? How can he kick someone out of his life that he says he truly loves? And how do I get him back?
Hey Joanne,
I know it sucks that people change so drastically. Unfortunately, it's something that we all have to learn to deal with. In reality, no amount of explanation will give you a satisfactory answer to that question. But you can increase your chances of getting him back by following the plan.
Hey Joanne,
I know it sucks that people change so drastically. Unfortunately, it's something that we all have to learn to deal with. In reality, no amount of explanation will give you a satisfactory answer to that question. But you can increase your chances of getting him back by following the plan.
Hey Kevin:
How is the best way to go about the no contact thing if we have a child together?
Hey,
It's written in this article.
Hey,
It's written in this article.
Hey Kevin:
So I've already written a letter to my ex girlfriend (pretty much immediately after the breakup). In the letter, I recounted some of the good times, explained why I thought it was strange that we broke up, and just other things that I had planned for us and how sad I was that we weren't going to get a chance to do those things. So it's been almost a month of no contact and I'm getting ready to contact her again. We were dating for 3 years and we are both 22. The question is should I write her another letter, following the plan or should I send an email, text, or call her instead (since I've already written a letter, may be kinda strange to write another)? Thanks in advance
Yeah, you can go with the email. Or you can skip directly to texts.
Yeah, you can go with the email. Or you can skip directly to texts.
Hey Kevin,
just an update. She checked for my boots when she got back from a trip yesterday. I responded 2 hours later saying , 'k thanks for checking'. Do I need to restart NC?
I don't think it's necessary.
Actually annoyingly going insane thinking now that I should have just not texted her back at all. AARGGHH!
I don't think it's necessary.
Actually annoyingly going insane thinking now that I should have just not texted her back at all. AARGGHH!
hey kevin
ill admit up front I'm a skeptic of formulaic methods for addressing something so personal but i am smart and educated enough in psychology to know that certain triggers garner certain responses.
My (ex) girlfriend of 2 1/2 years - we were crazy in love for most of our relationship - - we went through a traumatic experience a few months ago: we both decided to have an abortion due to financial reasons that made her push me away.. a month ago was our last communication. I still love her madly but I do believe that relationships are defined by the difficult times and she panicked and ran. I can forgive her because it is a truly traumatic event but she has to want me again. I don't know if one month NC is enough because of the drama. Im not sure what the steps are beyond but i see if we can get through this we could have a happy life together.
what are your thoughts.
Hey Zed,
I think you should do NC for at least 2-3 months.
thats what i was thinking -
i think the steps after something like this are unique and precarious..
if i feel like she's still the love of my life (she called me that only a few months ago- hard to believe she's pushed me away so hard) after a few months how do you suggest this should play out.. how to I get her to erase the feelings of resentment and the effect it had on her attraction to me (before it we were electric..we were always called the most romantic couple)..
thats what i was thinking -
i think the steps after something like this are unique and precarious..
if i feel like she's still the love of my life (she called me that only a few months ago- hard to believe she's pushed me away so hard) after a few months how do you suggest this should play out.. how to I get her to erase the feelings of resentment and the effect it had on her attraction to me (before it we were electric..we were always called the most romantic couple)..
thats what i was thinking -
i think the steps after something like this are unique and precarious..
if i feel like she's still the love of my life (she called me that only a few months ago- hard to believe she's pushed me away so hard) after a few months how do you suggest this should play out.. how to I get her to erase the feelings of resentment and the effect it had on her attraction to me (before it we were electric..we were always called the most romantic couple)..
Hey Zed,
I think you should do NC for at least 2-3 months.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago. We are 30 yrs old. He moved to Chicago last yr & things didn't turn out well. They pulled a bait & switch with the job & ultimately fired him. He's moved back in with his mom & started a new job. Since his mom has also been out of work, he's been paying her bills. What was supposed to be a 2 months stay to save up has turned into a 4 months and counting stay. He has progressively become distant & has now reached a point of breaking up with me. He said that he has been feeling like less of a man & needs to get himself together. All of our fights prior to the break up were based around him shutting down in his communication. He came to talk to me face to face a week after the break up & insisted that it's not another woman or his desire to find someone else. His birthday just passed, & he was so shocked & happy that I called. He was supposed to call me back, but his co workers threw him a surprise party. He left a message the next morning saying he was sorry that he didn't call back, but was happy that I was one of the first to wish him a happy birthday. He went one to say he hoped that me & the puppy he bought me for Christmas are ok & that we have a good holiday weekend. He ended the message with "I love you". I know I should be doing no contact, but I have slowed down on how often we speak. It seems like we've skipped the no contact & have gone into reminder texts. It seems like he's following this same program, just in fast forward. I want him back , but for good this time. What do I do?
If you are in good talking terms, then continue talking to him and eventually ask him out. If he becomes cold, start no contact.
Hi Kevin,
Just as you said might happen. My ex became cold & blocked my calls. I have since started no contact and am almost at the 30 day point. I'm not sure what to say or if I'm ready to say anything yet. I haven't heard from him at all & don't know if he still has my number blocked. What do I do after my 30 days are up?
You can send him the letter mentioned in the plan. Or the text. If your number is still blocked, you can email him the letter, or facebook message him.
Well I called Monday, & although my number isn't blocked he didn't answer or call back. I waited 2 days & sent him similar to the examples in your article. He still didn't respond. I haven't made anymore attempts. I don't get why he unblocked my number if he's still going to ignore me. I've decided to go back to no contact. I guess he doesn't know what to say yet. What is your take on things?
Well I called Monday, & although my number isn't blocked he didn't answer or call back. I waited 2 days & sent him similar to the examples in your article. He still didn't respond. I haven't made anymore attempts. I don't get why he unblocked my number if he's still going to ignore me. I've decided to go back to no contact. I guess he doesn't know what to say yet. What is your take on things?
Well I called Monday, & although my number isn't blocked he didn't answer or call back. I waited 2 days & sent him similar to the examples in your article. He still didn't respond. I haven't made anymore attempts. I don't get why he unblocked my number if he's still going to ignore me. I've decided to go back to no contact. I guess he doesn't know what to say yet. What is your take on things?
Well I called Monday, & although my number isn't blocked he didn't answer or call back. I waited 2 days & sent him similar to the examples in your article. He still didn't respond. I haven't made anymore attempts. I don't get why he unblocked my number if he's still going to ignore me. I've decided to go back to no contact. I guess he doesn't know what to say yet. What is your take on things?
Well I called Monday, & although my number isn't blocked he didn't answer or call back. I waited 2 days & sent him similar to the examples in your article. He still didn't respond. I haven't made anymore attempts. I don't get why he unblocked my number if he's still going to ignore me. I've decided to go back to no contact. I guess he doesn't know what to say yet. What is your take on things?
You can send him the letter mentioned in the plan. Or the text. If your number is still blocked, you can email him the letter, or facebook message him.
You can send him the letter mentioned in the plan. Or the text. If your number is still blocked, you can email him the letter, or facebook message him.
You can send him the letter mentioned in the plan. Or the text. If your number is still blocked, you can email him the letter, or facebook message him.
Hi Kevin,
Just as you said might happen. My ex became cold & blocked my calls. I have since started no contact and am almost at the 30 day point. I'm not sure what to say or if I'm ready to say anything yet. I haven't heard from him at all & don't know if he still has my number blocked. What do I do after my 30 days are up?
Hi Kevin,
Just as you said might happen. My ex became cold & blocked my calls. I have since started no contact and am almost at the 30 day point. I'm not sure what to say or if I'm ready to say anything yet. I haven't heard from him at all & don't know if he still has my number blocked. What do I do after my 30 days are up?
If you are in good talking terms, then continue talking to him and eventually ask him out. If he becomes cold, start no contact.
My BF broke up with me 2 wks ago. At first I cried and tried talking to him in person, on the phone & by text. He refused to talk to me. Im now trying to not have contact with him & give him space but he's making it hard. He'll text me random things in the middle of the night after he's been drinking (nothing mushy or about our relationship). Its very frustrating & confusing! What should I do?
Don't reply. If he calls you, pick up the phone and tell him you need some time and space.
Thank you Kevin. I've gotten to the point where I put my phone away so I don't hear it. But a couple of nights this week he's called in the middle of the night asking if he could stay at my place because he's too drunk to drive home. I did allow him to because I want him safe and don't want him to hurt anyone. Kevin, I can tell he has feelings for me still but is scared & unsure. We talked briefly today. He asked I could still see a future for us. I said, "yes". He replied with "right now I don't. Maybe I will again but not now." That hurt like heck but I stayed calm & quiet about it. After a few minutes all i said was "I don't like what you said"
Should i continue/reinstate no contact? What do I do if he aaks to stay again because he's too drunk to drive? His drinking was the trigger to our problems to begin with.
Since it's an issue of safety.I'll have to say that you let him stay. But don't talk to him about anything personal while he is there and ask him to leave in the morning. You should continue no contact for another month.
Since it's an issue of safety.I'll have to say that you let him stay. But don't talk to him about anything personal while he is there and ask him to leave in the morning. You should continue no contact for another month.
Since it's an issue of safety.I'll have to say that you let him stay. But don't talk to him about anything personal while he is there and ask him to leave in the morning. You should continue no contact for another month.
Since it's an issue of safety.I'll have to say that you let him stay. But don't talk to him about anything personal while he is there and ask him to leave in the morning. You should continue no contact for another month.
Thank you Kevin. I've gotten to the point where I put my phone away so I don't hear it. But a couple of nights this week he's called in the middle of the night asking if he could stay at my place because he's too drunk to drive home. I did allow him to because I want him safe and don't want him to hurt anyone. Kevin, I can tell he has feelings for me still but is scared & unsure. We talked briefly today. He asked I could still see a future for us. I said, "yes". He replied with "right now I don't. Maybe I will again but not now." That hurt like heck but I stayed calm & quiet about it. After a few minutes all i said was "I don't like what you said"
Should i continue/reinstate no contact? What do I do if he aaks to stay again because he's too drunk to drive? His drinking was the trigger to our problems to begin with.
Thank you Kevin. I've gotten to the point where I put my phone away so I don't hear it. But a couple of nights this week he's called in the middle of the night asking if he could stay at my place because he's too drunk to drive home. I did allow him to because I want him safe and don't want him to hurt anyone. Kevin, I can tell he has feelings for me still but is scared & unsure. We talked briefly today. He asked I could still see a future for us. I said, "yes". He replied with "right now I don't. Maybe I will again but not now." That hurt like heck but I stayed calm & quiet about it. After a few minutes all i said was "I don't like what you said"
Should i continue/reinstate no contact? What do I do if he aaks to stay again because he's too drunk to drive? His drinking was the trigger to our problems to begin with.
Don't reply. If he calls you, pick up the phone and tell him you need some time and space.
Dear Kevin,
My situation is a bit unique. I did not have a full blown relationship with this gentleman but a very good friendship, we reconnected just over a year ago. I visited him 3 times since then -we are long distance. During this time our friendship progressed to the point of talking about a committed relationship (he brought it up) with each other, and possible moving to the same city. My friend ended up still feeling unready for a relationship with fears of the pressure moving would put on the relationship. Our friendship continued and we communicated openly and honestly with each other. He said this is the most open and honest he's ever been with anyone. Cut to the problem... I returned from my last visit a few weeks ago and a couple of weeks after my return there was distance. He told me he's decided to rekindle an old relationship. I'm completely blown away. He tells me he felt he couldn't move forward with me because of the distance. As well he only has feelings of friendship for me. Although he is still very attracted to me, and thinks im amazing, he can't develop feelings for a relationship. I am shocked, this seemed to have come out of no where. I don't know if you may think I may have any chance with reconnecting with him. If you think this method may work, let me know you think what I should do.
Hey Jackie,
I think your chances are very less. Long distance reconciliation is hard as it is and on top of that you were never in a relationship.
Hey Jackie,
I think your chances are very less. Long distance reconciliation is hard as it is and on top of that you were never in a relationship.
Hi Kevin,
I am 28. My girlfriend 26. We had been together for 2 years and prior to this my girlfriend was with another guy for 5 years. She immediately jumped ship to me from him, with no grieving period over her first love. Her ex BF has since moved on in another relationship that is strong. We have been doing 8 months of long distance (cross-country). I went to see her last week after she had pretty much told me while I was away she couldn't continue with the distance any longer. She had been telling her friends that she didn't see how we would end up continuing and that she would most likely be single soon as she felt no commitment from me. I went to visit her to work on the relationship as she can be quite needy for attention--can't handle being 'single'-- and upon my visit discovered (without her knowing) that she has been talking to her ex BF and recently asked him to go out late one night while I was away. He ended up saying no, but they have 100% gotten together before without my prior knowledge and they've been back in touch for over a year now. When I asked my GF if they had hung out or been in touch the last month, she lied 3 times to my face. I didn't confront her about what I knew- the lying to my face seemed enough of a reason for me to end it, combined with the constant guilt-trip she has put me on for doing long distance.
I broke up with her last week after she got in my face about our problems. I'm doing the no-contact, but isn't the lying about an ex (her first love of 5 years) to my face, enough of a reason to end it and NOT even consider going back??
Hey,
In my opinion, yes it is a reason to end it and never go back.
Thanks Kevin. I figured the same, but it's difficult. I saw potential in us and I feel that although she loved me, she just wanted the security of a ring.. and when she wasn't getting that commitment from me, she was prepared to just shelve me despite her strong feelings.
We ended up breaking up arguing... she yelled at me and hung up on me.. i said things to her after that she said made her feel like a monster after I said how inconsiderate she was, etc... She messaged me the next day and tried to get back together the next day, and I said no...then she messaged me and said 'good luck with your career' and that was it. my last message was basically telling her its healthy for us to stop and that i dont want to be on bad terms and i feel we should talk, and told her its up to her. apparently she is devastated according to mutual friends. I think this is because she knows her ex is in a serious relationship and now i rejected her attempt to come back...
The part that kills me is that I hate how we ended things so angrily and I dont know if she will ever want to talk to me again.
I'm really missing her and don't know if i should ever get in touch with her .. its been 10 days... should i wait 30 days to text her, or just never text her until she texts me? Do you think she will ever get back to me? Should I try to get in touch soon and have a proper mature discussion about us breaking up? It just bothers me so much how we had something so good and it just crashed and burned.
ADVICE PLEASE!!! Thanks man.
How should I proceed.
Wait 30 days to text her, even if she doesn't contact you. Don't have discussion about the breakup when you get back in touch. Follow the 5 step plan.
Wait 30 days to text her, even if she doesn't contact you. Don't have discussion about the breakup when you get back in touch. Follow the 5 step plan.
Wait 30 days to text her, even if she doesn't contact you. Don't have discussion about the breakup when you get back in touch. Follow the 5 step plan.
Wait 30 days to text her, even if she doesn't contact you. Don't have discussion about the breakup when you get back in touch. Follow the 5 step plan.
Thanks Kevin. I figured the same, but it's difficult. I saw potential in us and I feel that although she loved me, she just wanted the security of a ring.. and when she wasn't getting that commitment from me, she was prepared to just shelve me despite her strong feelings.
We ended up breaking up arguing... she yelled at me and hung up on me.. i said things to her after that she said made her feel like a monster after I said how inconsiderate she was, etc... She messaged me the next day and tried to get back together the next day, and I said no...then she messaged me and said 'good luck with your career' and that was it. my last message was basically telling her its healthy for us to stop and that i dont want to be on bad terms and i feel we should talk, and told her its up to her. apparently she is devastated according to mutual friends. I think this is because she knows her ex is in a serious relationship and now i rejected her attempt to come back...
The part that kills me is that I hate how we ended things so angrily and I dont know if she will ever want to talk to me again.
I'm really missing her and don't know if i should ever get in touch with her .. its been 10 days... should i wait 30 days to text her, or just never text her until she texts me? Do you think she will ever get back to me? Should I try to get in touch soon and have a proper mature discussion about us breaking up? It just bothers me so much how we had something so good and it just crashed and burned.
ADVICE PLEASE!!! Thanks man.
How should I proceed.
Thanks Kevin. I figured the same, but it's difficult. I saw potential in us and I feel that although she loved me, she just wanted the security of a ring.. and when she wasn't getting that commitment from me, she was prepared to just shelve me despite her strong feelings.
We ended up breaking up arguing... she yelled at me and hung up on me.. i said things to her after that she said made her feel like a monster after I said how inconsiderate she was, etc... She messaged me the next day and tried to get back together the next day, and I said no...then she messaged me and said 'good luck with your career' and that was it. my last message was basically telling her its healthy for us to stop and that i dont want to be on bad terms and i feel we should talk, and told her its up to her. apparently she is devastated according to mutual friends. I think this is because she knows her ex is in a serious relationship and now i rejected her attempt to come back...
The part that kills me is that I hate how we ended things so angrily and I dont know if she will ever want to talk to me again.
I'm really missing her and don't know if i should ever get in touch with her .. its been 10 days... should i wait 30 days to text her, or just never text her until she texts me? Do you think she will ever get back to me? Should I try to get in touch soon and have a proper mature discussion about us breaking up? It just bothers me so much how we had something so good and it just crashed and burned.
ADVICE PLEASE!!! Thanks man.
How should I proceed.
Hey,
In my opinion, yes it is a reason to end it and never go back.
Thanks a lot for your site, it's been interesting and helpful to read. In my situation, I emailed my ex for a month after the breakup (she said she still had love for me and hoped we could stay in touch, maybe try again eventually), and my emails were too needy. In our final exchange, she said she'd started seeing someone else and was "quite happy;" I replied with a (nice) email saying I still had feelings so I also needed space, and I'd leave any future communication up to [her]. Another month has passed, and I feel stable/not needy now. Do you think I can contact her again, though I said I'd leave it to her (Final detail - the rel. was distance, but she's coming back in a few months. Should I just wait until then?) Thanks! (ps we were dating for 2 years)
I think it'll be a good idea to wait another month. You can start contacting her one month before she arrives and hopefully by that time, you'll have a good rapport with her.
I think it'll be a good idea to wait another month. You can start contacting her one month before she arrives and hopefully by that time, you'll have a good rapport with her.
Kevin,
Im actually kind of excited reconnecting with her. I hope my preparation wont go in vain but i trust myself fully. I dont wanna get my hopes up tho. I also recommend NC for everyone. Its so powerful not for your ex but for YOURSELF. I realized a lot, at first i tried to get new girls thinking that having a new girlfriend will ease the pain or fill the void but no. You really have to find and rediscover yourself. Right now im at the point where i can stand alone and be happy even though i am single. Now that i am fully confident and independent i will try to get my ex back because i want her not because i cant live without her. Thank you kevin for all the help. I hope my last 3 weeks of NC will give more insight and help me reflect more. I am so happy i found this site. Thank you very much.
So the No Contact really did help you?! I started count today now that I can think more clearly. I want to really find out more about myself, my ex helped me bring out things that I didn't know I could do. I am still a bit scared that she'll move on, but I need this for myself. This sounds very encouraging! I wish you the greatest of luck!
So the No Contact really did help you?! I started count today now that I can think more clearly. I want to really find out more about myself, my ex helped me bring out things that I didn't know I could do. I am still a bit scared that she'll move on, but I need this for myself. This sounds very encouraging! I wish you the greatest of luck!
Btw kevin, id like get your interpretation here. The reason of our breakup was not clear, she admitted that she doesnt really know whats wrong. But here are the keypoints that she mentioned.
- we are becoming too dependent on each other
- we are becoming too comfortable
- she doesnt feel the spark anymore
- she wants to make decisions for herself and only for herself without concerning me or our relationship. ( i guess this one is an issue of individuality. The "we" and "me" thing.)
What do you think these reasons mean? And what do you think i should do about them when i try to reattract her. When we were still together. We dont see each other regularly. Only during weekends because we both have classes during weekdays and we study in different universities.
Thanks kevin i hope you can help me understand more.
I think the main reason here is that she lost the spark. The rest of them arose from losing the spark.
How do i get the spark back? I think i should court her again after NC. If she responds. Is there any advice you can give? Thanks kevin.
How do i get the spark back? I think i should court her again after NC. If she responds. Is there any advice you can give? Thanks kevin.
How do i get the spark back? I think i should court her again after NC. If she responds. Is there any advice you can give? Thanks kevin.
I think she's smothered. Or you maybe doing things that reveals your insecurity. Insecurity (being too dependent, clingy, jealous, always needing approval, not having a life outside your relationship) s the no. 1 attraction killer. Brush off your insecurity and allow her to see you are confident and independent and she'll get attracted i guess. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is self-sufficient. I hope this helps because that's the reason why we broke up also.
Daniel,
What is done is done. All we can do is to prove them that breakup was a wrong idea. 4 years cannot be easily ignored or forgotten. So take it easy. I acted creepy for 3 months!!
About Facebook, I believe you should show your normal activities. Show happy and unaffected. If you a good close friend ask him/her to share (tag) pictures of you having fun. In this way, you don't look obsessed with showing off happiness but look happy. If you look happy and confident, they will come to have a share in it!
Good luck!!
Thats what im also planning. My friends should tag me. So it would look like its not my intention. Dude man. We can do this. We just have to be patient and work hard. Thankyou.
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Daniel,
I ghess you have a chance. Dara is right, 4years couldn't simply be forgotten. And about posting your activities on facebook is fine but don't overdo it up until the point where she will be hinting that you are just doing it to show off. If you overdo it, it may still give her an idea that you are still insecure.
Yes, it is hard to wipe the slate clean but I guess what you can do is when you'll be seeing her personally one of this days or after the NC rule, just play it cool. Don't jump onto her talking to her about you wanting to get her back and start again. You might scare her away aga8n. What you have to do after the NC rule is to just play it cool and act as if you've accepted her decision. Be happyaround her, don't put pressureor don't talk yet about the 'us'. In that way she can see for herself that you are a changed man now. Maybe you can ask her out for coffee to just hang out or chill out but never ever mention about the relationship.
I guess by wiping the slate clean what you have to do is to not continue the relationship you've left but to start a new one. Act as if you've just get acquainted and you'll see you will be enjoying it too. The thrilling feeling, sparks and excitement may come alive again not just to her but to you as well.
So plan on starting a new relationship with her instead of continuing the unhealthy one before. And when she's back in your arms, avoid the things you have done that had scared her away because if you do, you might not have your chance again. Your advantage now is you have an idea what to do and what not to do so you can keep her forever.
So i suggest, work to improve yourself first. Be happy. Be independent. Try to enjoy thingsand find new hobbies even without her and you'll feel good about yourself. Then when NC period ends,just play it cool as if you just met her and flirtung for the first time.
Goodluck, dude!
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Daniel,
I ghess you have a chance. Dara is right, 4years couldn't simply be forgotten. And about posting your activities on facebook is fine but don't overdo it up until the point where she will be hinting that you are just doing it to show off. If you overdo it, it may still give her an idea that you are still insecure.
Yes, it is hard to wipe the slate clean but I guess what you can do is when you'll be seeing her personally one of this days or after the NC rule, just play it cool. Don't jump onto her talking to her about you wanting to get her back and start again. You might scare her away aga8n. What you have to do after the NC rule is to just play it cool and act as if you've accepted her decision. Be happyaround her, don't put pressureor don't talk yet about the 'us'. In that way she can see for herself that you are a changed man now. Maybe you can ask her out for coffee to just hang out or chill out but never ever mention about the relationship.
I guess by wiping the slate clean what you have to do is to not continue the relationship you've left but to start a new one. Act as if you've just get acquainted and you'll see you will be enjoying it too. The thrilling feeling, sparks and excitement may come alive again not just to her but to you as well.
So plan on starting a new relationship with her instead of continuing the unhealthy one before. And when she's back in your arms, avoid the things you have done that had scared her away because if you do, you might not have your chance again. Your advantage now is you have an idea what to do and what not to do so you can keep her forever.
So i suggest, work to improve yourself first. Be happy. Be independent. Try to enjoy thingsand find new hobbies even without her and you'll feel good about yourself. Then when NC period ends,just play it cool as if you just met her and flirtung for the first time.
Goodluck, dude!
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Daniel,
I ghess you have a chance. Dara is right, 4years couldn't simply be forgotten. And about posting your activities on facebook is fine but don't overdo it up until the point where she will be hinting that you are just doing it to show off. If you overdo it, it may still give her an idea that you are still insecure.
Yes, it is hard to wipe the slate clean but I guess what you can do is when you'll be seeing her personally one of this days or after the NC rule, just play it cool. Don't jump onto her talking to her about you wanting to get her back and start again. You might scare her away aga8n. What you have to do after the NC rule is to just play it cool and act as if you've accepted her decision. Be happyaround her, don't put pressureor don't talk yet about the 'us'. In that way she can see for herself that you are a changed man now. Maybe you can ask her out for coffee to just hang out or chill out but never ever mention about the relationship.
I guess by wiping the slate clean what you have to do is to not continue the relationship you've left but to start a new one. Act as if you've just get acquainted and you'll see you will be enjoying it too. The thrilling feeling, sparks and excitement may come alive again not just to her but to you as well.
So plan on starting a new relationship with her instead of continuing the unhealthy one before. And when she's back in your arms, avoid the things you have done that had scared her away because if you do, you might not have your chance again. Your advantage now is you have an idea what to do and what not to do so you can keep her forever.
So i suggest, work to improve yourself first. Be happy. Be independent. Try to enjoy thingsand find new hobbies even without her and you'll feel good about yourself. Then when NC period ends,just play it cool as if you just met her and flirtung for the first time.
Goodluck, dude!
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Daniel,
I ghess you have a chance. Dara is right, 4years couldn't simply be forgotten. And about posting your activities on facebook is fine but don't overdo it up until the point where she will be hinting that you are just doing it to show off. If you overdo it, it may still give her an idea that you are still insecure.
Yes, it is hard to wipe the slate clean but I guess what you can do is when you'll be seeing her personally one of this days or after the NC rule, just play it cool. Don't jump onto her talking to her about you wanting to get her back and start again. You might scare her away aga8n. What you have to do after the NC rule is to just play it cool and act as if you've accepted her decision. Be happyaround her, don't put pressureor don't talk yet about the 'us'. In that way she can see for herself that you are a changed man now. Maybe you can ask her out for coffee to just hang out or chill out but never ever mention about the relationship.
I guess by wiping the slate clean what you have to do is to not continue the relationship you've left but to start a new one. Act as if you've just get acquainted and you'll see you will be enjoying it too. The thrilling feeling, sparks and excitement may come alive again not just to her but to you as well.
So plan on starting a new relationship with her instead of continuing the unhealthy one before. And when she's back in your arms, avoid the things you have done that had scared her away because if you do, you might not have your chance again. Your advantage now is you have an idea what to do and what not to do so you can keep her forever.
So i suggest, work to improve yourself first. Be happy. Be independent. Try to enjoy thingsand find new hobbies even without her and you'll feel good about yourself. Then when NC period ends,just play it cool as if you just met her and flirtung for the first time.
Goodluck, dude!
Raed, dara. Thankyou. Its good to hear from other people in this community. Not to mention that we share the same situation. Goodluck to you guys! Im doing what i can to make evrery inch of me better.
Daniel,
I ghess you have a chance. Dara is right, 4years couldn't simply be forgotten. And about posting your activities on facebook is fine but don't overdo it up until the point where she will be hinting that you are just doing it to show off. If you overdo it, it may still give her an idea that you are still insecure.
Yes, it is hard to wipe the slate clean but I guess what you can do is when you'll be seeing her personally one of this days or after the NC rule, just play it cool. Don't jump onto her talking to her about you wanting to get her back and start again. You might scare her away aga8n. What you have to do after the NC rule is to just play it cool and act as if you've accepted her decision. Be happyaround her, don't put pressureor don't talk yet about the 'us'. In that way she can see for herself that you are a changed man now. Maybe you can ask her out for coffee to just hang out or chill out but never ever mention about the relationship.
I guess by wiping the slate clean what you have to do is to not continue the relationship you've left but to start a new one. Act as if you've just get acquainted and you'll see you will be enjoying it too. The thrilling feeling, sparks and excitement may come alive again not just to her but to you as well.
So plan on starting a new relationship with her instead of continuing the unhealthy one before. And when she's back in your arms, avoid the things you have done that had scared her away because if you do, you might not have your chance again. Your advantage now is you have an idea what to do and what not to do so you can keep her forever.
So i suggest, work to improve yourself first. Be happy. Be independent. Try to enjoy thingsand find new hobbies even without her and you'll feel good about yourself. Then when NC period ends,just play it cool as if you just met her and flirtung for the first time.
Goodluck, dude!
Thats what im also planning. My friends should tag me. So it would look like its not my intention. Dude man. We can do this. We just have to be patient and work hard. Thankyou.
Thats what im also planning. My friends should tag me. So it would look like its not my intention. Dude man. We can do this. We just have to be patient and work hard. Thankyou.
Thats what im also planning. My friends should tag me. So it would look like its not my intention. Dude man. We can do this. We just have to be patient and work hard. Thankyou.
Dude! Thanks. I guess i became too dependent and clingy. I also tend to tell her that i can do things because of her and that i cant do it if it werent for her. I also said things like i dont need new friends because she is enough for me. I dont entrtain new friends in school or whatsoever because she is enough for me. thats what i do and i think that killed the attraction? I used to be a fun guy that everyone likes and having fun if they are with me. Man what do i have to do to attract her back? Thanks for the response.
Daniel,
No one can never say when your slate is clean. It depends from person to person and what really happened between you two. Kevin in his article says that they start missing you about after 30 days.
Good luck man!
Also, back when i was acting crazy. I said that i hope we become friends. She said that "yes we can be friends but not right now. Coz we need to move on."
Ofcourse at first the word "move on" was not okay to me. Then i made a surprise for her. I think a big one. She was happy for what i did. And agreed that we became friends. I said tl her that i will start from the bottom. But she said that she dont want us to force to get back bit just let it cone through naturally. So i agreed. At first we text fine but later on it kinda withered. I guess its because se hasnt sorted out her feelings and not yet emotionally stable.
So i guess she is open for future reconnections?
Thanks dara!
RAED! Everyrhing you said was right on point! She also said that she feels like we have no life outside. That its like we are reatricted to each other. Instead of going out with friends she will choose to be with me coz its not always that we see each other. How can i make her see that i am confident again? I feel like i have a chance really. :)
Well my situation is kinda bad. Kevin knows this. We lasted four years and i was her first boyfriend. After the breakup. I messed it up. I become desperate and went crazy for the first 1 and a half month. It was too late before i saw this site. Then i immidiately started NC. Thats why i decided 6 weeks so that my creepiness would also go away. I didnt barrage her with text every minute tho. Now i just hope that after 6 weeks she would respond to me. Thanks man.
Also, back when i was acting crazy. I said that i hope we become friends. She said that "yes we can be friends but not right now. Coz we need to move on."
Ofcourse at first the word "move on" was not okay to me. Then i made a surprise for her. I think a big one. She was happy for what i did. And agreed that we became friends. I said tl her that i will start from the bottom. But she said that she dont want us to force to get back bit just let it cone through naturally. So i agreed. At first we text fine but later on it kinda withered. I guess its because se hasnt sorted out her feelings and not yet emotionally stable.
So i guess she is open for future reconnections?
Thanks dara!
RAED! Everyrhing you said was right on point! She also said that she feels like we have no life outside. That its like we are reatricted to each other. Instead of going out with friends she will choose to be with me coz its not always that we see each other. How can i make her see that i am confident again? I feel like i have a chance really. :)
Well my situation is kinda bad. Kevin knows this. We lasted four years and i was her first boyfriend. After the breakup. I messed it up. I become desperate and went crazy for the first 1 and a half month. It was too late before i saw this site. Then i immidiately started NC. Thats why i decided 6 weeks so that my creepiness would also go away. I didnt barrage her with text every minute tho. Now i just hope that after 6 weeks she would respond to me. Thanks man.
Also, back when i was acting crazy. I said that i hope we become friends. She said that "yes we can be friends but not right now. Coz we need to move on."
Ofcourse at first the word "move on" was not okay to me. Then i made a surprise for her. I think a big one. She was happy for what i did. And agreed that we became friends. I said tl her that i will start from the bottom. But she said that she dont want us to force to get back bit just let it cone through naturally. So i agreed. At first we text fine but later on it kinda withered. I guess its because se hasnt sorted out her feelings and not yet emotionally stable.
So i guess she is open for future reconnections?
Thanks dara!
RAED! Everyrhing you said was right on point! She also said that she feels like we have no life outside. That its like we are reatricted to each other. Instead of going out with friends she will choose to be with me coz its not always that we see each other. How can i make her see that i am confident again? I feel like i have a chance really. :)
Well my situation is kinda bad. Kevin knows this. We lasted four years and i was her first boyfriend. After the breakup. I messed it up. I become desperate and went crazy for the first 1 and a half month. It was too late before i saw this site. Then i immidiately started NC. Thats why i decided 6 weeks so that my creepiness would also go away. I didnt barrage her with text every minute tho. Now i just hope that after 6 weeks she would respond to me. Thanks man.
Also, back when i was acting crazy. I said that i hope we become friends. She said that "yes we can be friends but not right now. Coz we need to move on."
Ofcourse at first the word "move on" was not okay to me. Then i made a surprise for her. I think a big one. She was happy for what i did. And agreed that we became friends. I said tl her that i will start from the bottom. But she said that she dont want us to force to get back bit just let it cone through naturally. So i agreed. At first we text fine but later on it kinda withered. I guess its because se hasnt sorted out her feelings and not yet emotionally stable.
So i guess she is open for future reconnections?
Thanks dara!
RAED! Everyrhing you said was right on point! She also said that she feels like we have no life outside. That its like we are reatricted to each other. Instead of going out with friends she will choose to be with me coz its not always that we see each other. How can i make her see that i am confident again? I feel like i have a chance really. :)
Well my situation is kinda bad. Kevin knows this. We lasted four years and i was her first boyfriend. After the breakup. I messed it up. I become desperate and went crazy for the first 1 and a half month. It was too late before i saw this site. Then i immidiately started NC. Thats why i decided 6 weeks so that my creepiness would also go away. I didnt barrage her with text every minute tho. Now i just hope that after 6 weeks she would respond to me. Thanks man.
Also, back when i was acting crazy. I said that i hope we become friends. She said that "yes we can be friends but not right now. Coz we need to move on."
Ofcourse at first the word "move on" was not okay to me. Then i made a surprise for her. I think a big one. She was happy for what i did. And agreed that we became friends. I said tl her that i will start from the bottom. But she said that she dont want us to force to get back bit just let it cone through naturally. So i agreed. At first we text fine but later on it kinda withered. I guess its because se hasnt sorted out her feelings and not yet emotionally stable.
So i guess she is open for future reconnections?
Thanks dara!
RAED! Everyrhing you said was right on point! She also said that she feels like we have no life outside. That its like we are reatricted to each other. Instead of going out with friends she will choose to be with me coz its not always that we see each other. How can i make her see that i am confident again? I feel like i have a chance really. :)
Well my situation is kinda bad. Kevin knows this. We lasted four years and i was her first boyfriend. After the breakup. I messed it up. I become desperate and went crazy for the first 1 and a half month. It was too late before i saw this site. Then i immidiately started NC. Thats why i decided 6 weeks so that my creepiness would also go away. I didnt barrage her with text every minute tho. Now i just hope that after 6 weeks she would respond to me. Thanks man.
And you said you WERE once a fun guy. Then maybe you know who you were when she first fell in love with you. I think you have to do it again. But not just because you want her back but because you also want to improve yourself. But before you do that, make sure the slate is clean meaning you have to get her rid of her image of you as a clingy and needy guy. Do things to improve yourself while you apply the NC rule. You don't find someone to complete you, you must be complete beforehand to unite with someone complete too. Otherwise,you will be just a burden to that someone. Don't expect someone to carry you when you can't carry yourself.
I still have 3 weeka of NC. Because i decided to have 6 weeks. How could i know if the slate is clean? Maybe i should post photos on my social media so she can sww my activities? I was silent since i started NC. For the element of surprise and make her curious. When will be the right time?
Thanks man. I really want to fix this coz she is a great woman, thats why i cant help to be dpenedent on her. I now realize the change i have gone through from the beggining of our relationship. I changed ALOT! I was strong and confident i know i attracted her because of that but i changed. She is suffocated because she felt the burden tolling on her. Im kinda feeling bad right now that i realize what went wrong. Thankyou. I hope i can fix this and show her that the real me is back.
Hey guys,
I have a similar story like you. I was new in town and made her in the first week. She used to call me sexy boy. I was busy, but whenever I was free, I only hangout with her. After 4 or 5 months, she told me to find some friends to hangout with. I never took it serious because she wanted more of me before. I was confused, if I was too much or too less. So, I ended being clingy. I stopped going to gym right from the beginning. Eventually, my weight got increased by 30 Lbs. She didn't like it either (even hated it).
Now, my 30 days are over. From two month ago, I started gym again and dropped about 25 lbs. I feel a lot better. I feel sexy again. Just waiting for her to come back from her probably a ten days vacations which started form the memorial weekend holidays.
I still have 3 weeka of NC. Because i decided to have 6 weeks. How could i know if the slate is clean? Maybe i should post photos on my social media so she can sww my activities? I was silent since i started NC. For the element of surprise and make her curious. When will be the right time?
Thanks man. I really want to fix this coz she is a great woman, thats why i cant help to be dpenedent on her. I now realize the change i have gone through from the beggining of our relationship. I changed ALOT! I was strong and confident i know i attracted her because of that but i changed. She is suffocated because she felt the burden tolling on her. Im kinda feeling bad right now that i realize what went wrong. Thankyou. I hope i can fix this and show her that the real me is back.
Hey guys,
I have a similar story like you. I was new in town and made her in the first week. She used to call me sexy boy. I was busy, but whenever I was free, I only hangout with her. After 4 or 5 months, she told me to find some friends to hangout with. I never took it serious because she wanted more of me before. I was confused, if I was too much or too less. So, I ended being clingy. I stopped going to gym right from the beginning. Eventually, my weight got increased by 30 Lbs. She didn't like it either (even hated it).
Now, my 30 days are over. From two month ago, I started gym again and dropped about 25 lbs. I feel a lot better. I feel sexy again. Just waiting for her to come back from her probably a ten days vacations which started form the memorial weekend holidays.
I still have 3 weeka of NC. Because i decided to have 6 weeks. How could i know if the slate is clean? Maybe i should post photos on my social media so she can sww my activities? I was silent since i started NC. For the element of surprise and make her curious. When will be the right time?
Thanks man. I really want to fix this coz she is a great woman, thats why i cant help to be dpenedent on her. I now realize the change i have gone through from the beggining of our relationship. I changed ALOT! I was strong and confident i know i attracted her because of that but i changed. She is suffocated because she felt the burden tolling on her. Im kinda feeling bad right now that i realize what went wrong. Thankyou. I hope i can fix this and show her that the real me is back.
Hey guys,
I have a similar story like you. I was new in town and made her in the first week. She used to call me sexy boy. I was busy, but whenever I was free, I only hangout with her. After 4 or 5 months, she told me to find some friends to hangout with. I never took it serious because she wanted more of me before. I was confused, if I was too much or too less. So, I ended being clingy. I stopped going to gym right from the beginning. Eventually, my weight got increased by 30 Lbs. She didn't like it either (even hated it).
Now, my 30 days are over. From two month ago, I started gym again and dropped about 25 lbs. I feel a lot better. I feel sexy again. Just waiting for her to come back from her probably a ten days vacations which started form the memorial weekend holidays.
I still have 3 weeka of NC. Because i decided to have 6 weeks. How could i know if the slate is clean? Maybe i should post photos on my social media so she can sww my activities? I was silent since i started NC. For the element of surprise and make her curious. When will be the right time?
Thanks man. I really want to fix this coz she is a great woman, thats why i cant help to be dpenedent on her. I now realize the change i have gone through from the beggining of our relationship. I changed ALOT! I was strong and confident i know i attracted her because of that but i changed. She is suffocated because she felt the burden tolling on her. Im kinda feeling bad right now that i realize what went wrong. Thankyou. I hope i can fix this and show her that the real me is back.
Hey guys,
I have a similar story like you. I was new in town and made her in the first week. She used to call me sexy boy. I was busy, but whenever I was free, I only hangout with her. After 4 or 5 months, she told me to find some friends to hangout with. I never took it serious because she wanted more of me before. I was confused, if I was too much or too less. So, I ended being clingy. I stopped going to gym right from the beginning. Eventually, my weight got increased by 30 Lbs. She didn't like it either (even hated it).
Now, my 30 days are over. From two month ago, I started gym again and dropped about 25 lbs. I feel a lot better. I feel sexy again. Just waiting for her to come back from her probably a ten days vacations which started form the memorial weekend holidays.
I still have 3 weeka of NC. Because i decided to have 6 weeks. How could i know if the slate is clean? Maybe i should post photos on my social media so she can sww my activities? I was silent since i started NC. For the element of surprise and make her curious. When will be the right time?
Thanks man. I really want to fix this coz she is a great woman, thats why i cant help to be dpenedent on her. I now realize the change i have gone through from the beggining of our relationship. I changed ALOT! I was strong and confident i know i attracted her because of that but i changed. She is suffocated because she felt the burden tolling on her. Im kinda feeling bad right now that i realize what went wrong. Thankyou. I hope i can fix this and show her that the real me is back.
Hey guys,
I have a similar story like you. I was new in town and made her in the first week. She used to call me sexy boy. I was busy, but whenever I was free, I only hangout with her. After 4 or 5 months, she told me to find some friends to hangout with. I never took it serious because she wanted more of me before. I was confused, if I was too much or too less. So, I ended being clingy. I stopped going to gym right from the beginning. Eventually, my weight got increased by 30 Lbs. She didn't like it either (even hated it).
Now, my 30 days are over. From two month ago, I started gym again and dropped about 25 lbs. I feel a lot better. I feel sexy again. Just waiting for her to come back from her probably a ten days vacations which started form the memorial weekend holidays.
Hey! We're very much on the same case! My fault is I build my life around her and I have forgotten to have a life outside the relationship that's why when she left, I came crumbling down. I think the NO CONTACT rule advised by Kevin, will do ou good. After all, what made her scare away from you is because of clingyness and being too dependent. She's smothered. So i think it will be a big help if you give her some time and space. And while you do the NC rule do things that will help you improve yourself. Build confidence,learn how to be independent, enjoy your alone time, discover yourself, make new friends, go out for a walk. Just do anything tl improve yourself while the NC rule still applies instead of sitting on the corner writhing in ain and drowning ykurself on memories. Sometimes when two people are too close, it hinders you to grow.
And I guess, you being too close to her she became suffocated. She feels as if you don't allow her to grow at all. After all, you're the man in the relationship. She might be expecting that she will be the one to lean on you and depend on you instead of you depending on her too much.confidence, I guess, is the no. 1way to attract someone. When she see you're doing good and learning to stand on your own, she might get interested again. I used to be like you, i never needed anyone other than her. But as i said, get a life outside the relationship. Ad allow her to have a life outside too. In that way she wouldn't feel suffocated and restricted. You just have to trust her that when you allos her to go out and explore, she will always come home to you. Dude, the more you keep someone to yurself the more you scare them away.
And I guess, you being too close to her she became suffocated. She feels as if you don't allow her to grow at all. After all, you're the man in the relationship. She might be expecting that she will be the one to lean on you and depend on you instead of you depending on her too much.confidence, I guess, is the no. 1way to attract someone. When she see you're doing good and learning to stand on your own, she might get interested again. I used to be like you, i never needed anyone other than her. But as i said, get a life outside the relationship. Ad allow her to have a life outside too. In that way she wouldn't feel suffocated and restricted. You just have to trust her that when you allos her to go out and explore, she will always come home to you. Dude, the more you keep someone to yurself the more you scare them away.
And I guess, you being too close to her she became suffocated. She feels as if you don't allow her to grow at all. After all, you're the man in the relationship. She might be expecting that she will be the one to lean on you and depend on you instead of you depending on her too much.confidence, I guess, is the no. 1way to attract someone. When she see you're doing good and learning to stand on your own, she might get interested again. I used to be like you, i never needed anyone other than her. But as i said, get a life outside the relationship. Ad allow her to have a life outside too. In that way she wouldn't feel suffocated and restricted. You just have to trust her that when you allos her to go out and explore, she will always come home to you. Dude, the more you keep someone to yurself the more you scare them away.
And I guess, you being too close to her she became suffocated. She feels as if you don't allow her to grow at all. After all, you're the man in the relationship. She might be expecting that she will be the one to lean on you and depend on you instead of you depending on her too much.confidence, I guess, is the no. 1way to attract someone. When she see you're doing good and learning to stand on your own, she might get interested again. I used to be like you, i never needed anyone other than her. But as i said, get a life outside the relationship. Ad allow her to have a life outside too. In that way she wouldn't feel suffocated and restricted. You just have to trust her that when you allos her to go out and explore, she will always come home to you. Dude, the more you keep someone to yurself the more you scare them away.
And I guess, you being too close to her she became suffocated. She feels as if you don't allow her to grow at all. After all, you're the man in the relationship. She might be expecting that she will be the one to lean on you and depend on you instead of you depending on her too much.confidence, I guess, is the no. 1way to attract someone. When she see you're doing good and learning to stand on your own, she might get interested again. I used to be like you, i never needed anyone other than her. But as i said, get a life outside the relationship. Ad allow her to have a life outside too. In that way she wouldn't feel suffocated and restricted. You just have to trust her that when you allos her to go out and explore, she will always come home to you. Dude, the more you keep someone to yurself the more you scare them away.
Daniel,
No one can never say when your slate is clean. It depends from person to person and what really happened between you two. Kevin in his article says that they start missing you about after 30 days.
Good luck man!
And you said you WERE once a fun guy. Then maybe you know who you were when she first fell in love with you. I think you have to do it again. But not just because you want her back but because you also want to improve yourself. But before you do that, make sure the slate is clean meaning you have to get her rid of her image of you as a clingy and needy guy. Do things to improve yourself while you apply the NC rule. You don't find someone to complete you, you must be complete beforehand to unite with someone complete too. Otherwise,you will be just a burden to that someone. Don't expect someone to carry you when you can't carry yourself.
Hey! We're very much on the same case! My fault is I build my life around her and I have forgotten to have a life outside the relationship that's why when she left, I came crumbling down. I think the NO CONTACT rule advised by Kevin, will do ou good. After all, what made her scare away from you is because of clingyness and being too dependent. She's smothered. So i think it will be a big help if you give her some time and space. And while you do the NC rule do things that will help you improve yourself. Build confidence,learn how to be independent, enjoy your alone time, discover yourself, make new friends, go out for a walk. Just do anything tl improve yourself while the NC rule still applies instead of sitting on the corner writhing in ain and drowning ykurself on memories. Sometimes when two people are too close, it hinders you to grow.
Daniel,
No one can never say when your slate is clean. It depends from person to person and what really happened between you two. Kevin in his article says that they start missing you about after 30 days.
Good luck man!
And you said you WERE once a fun guy. Then maybe you know who you were when she first fell in love with you. I think you have to do it again. But not just because you want her back but because you also want to improve yourself. But before you do that, make sure the slate is clean meaning you have to get her rid of her image of you as a clingy and needy guy. Do things to improve yourself while you apply the NC rule. You don't find someone to complete you, you must be complete beforehand to unite with someone complete too. Otherwise,you will be just a burden to that someone. Don't expect someone to carry you when you can't carry yourself.
Hey! We're very much on the same case! My fault is I build my life around her and I have forgotten to have a life outside the relationship that's why when she left, I came crumbling down. I think the NO CONTACT rule advised by Kevin, will do ou good. After all, what made her scare away from you is because of clingyness and being too dependent. She's smothered. So i think it will be a big help if you give her some time and space. And while you do the NC rule do things that will help you improve yourself. Build confidence,learn how to be independent, enjoy your alone time, discover yourself, make new friends, go out for a walk. Just do anything tl improve yourself while the NC rule still applies instead of sitting on the corner writhing in ain and drowning ykurself on memories. Sometimes when two people are too close, it hinders you to grow.
Daniel,
No one can never say when your slate is clean. It depends from person to person and what really happened between you two. Kevin in his article says that they start missing you about after 30 days.
Good luck man!
And you said you WERE once a fun guy. Then maybe you know who you were when she first fell in love with you. I think you have to do it again. But not just because you want her back but because you also want to improve yourself. But before you do that, make sure the slate is clean meaning you have to get her rid of her image of you as a clingy and needy guy. Do things to improve yourself while you apply the NC rule. You don't find someone to complete you, you must be complete beforehand to unite with someone complete too. Otherwise,you will be just a burden to that someone. Don't expect someone to carry you when you can't carry yourself.
Hey! We're very much on the same case! My fault is I build my life around her and I have forgotten to have a life outside the relationship that's why when she left, I came crumbling down. I think the NO CONTACT rule advised by Kevin, will do ou good. After all, what made her scare away from you is because of clingyness and being too dependent. She's smothered. So i think it will be a big help if you give her some time and space. And while you do the NC rule do things that will help you improve yourself. Build confidence,learn how to be independent, enjoy your alone time, discover yourself, make new friends, go out for a walk. Just do anything tl improve yourself while the NC rule still applies instead of sitting on the corner writhing in ain and drowning ykurself on memories. Sometimes when two people are too close, it hinders you to grow.
Daniel,
What is done is done. All we can do is to prove them that breakup was a wrong idea. 4 years cannot be easily ignored or forgotten. So take it easy. I acted creepy for 3 months!!
About Facebook, I believe you should show your normal activities. Show happy and unaffected. If you a good close friend ask him/her to share (tag) pictures of you having fun. In this way, you don't look obsessed with showing off happiness but look happy. If you look happy and confident, they will come to have a share in it!
Good luck!!
Dude! Thanks. I guess i became too dependent and clingy. I also tend to tell her that i can do things because of her and that i cant do it if it werent for her. I also said things like i dont need new friends because she is enough for me. I dont entrtain new friends in school or whatsoever because she is enough for me. thats what i do and i think that killed the attraction? I used to be a fun guy that everyone likes and having fun if they are with me. Man what do i have to do to attract her back? Thanks for the response.
Daniel,
What is done is done. All we can do is to prove them that breakup was a wrong idea. 4 years cannot be easily ignored or forgotten. So take it easy. I acted creepy for 3 months!!
About Facebook, I believe you should show your normal activities. Show happy and unaffected. If you a good close friend ask him/her to share (tag) pictures of you having fun. In this way, you don't look obsessed with showing off happiness but look happy. If you look happy and confident, they will come to have a share in it!
Good luck!!
Dude! Thanks. I guess i became too dependent and clingy. I also tend to tell her that i can do things because of her and that i cant do it if it werent for her. I also said things like i dont need new friends because she is enough for me. I dont entrtain new friends in school or whatsoever because she is enough for me. thats what i do and i think that killed the attraction? I used to be a fun guy that everyone likes and having fun if they are with me. Man what do i have to do to attract her back? Thanks for the response.
I think the main reason here is that she lost the spark. The rest of them arose from losing the spark.
I think she's smothered. Or you maybe doing things that reveals your insecurity. Insecurity (being too dependent, clingy, jealous, always needing approval, not having a life outside your relationship) s the no. 1 attraction killer. Brush off your insecurity and allow her to see you are confident and independent and she'll get attracted i guess. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is self-sufficient. I hope this helps because that's the reason why we broke up also.
Hey, I am going through a tuff situation with my partner. We were together for 8 months. When we broke up I was needy and despreate but then I stop contacting him. Now, we are talking again. I tried everything in my power to make this work and I even told him I love him. At the moment he sends me mix messages. He wouldn't text me first but when I do he replies right away; however, I didn't text him yesterday understanding why he is mad and I am willing to give him time and space to make things work but he haven't text me back. I believe he's still hurt and confuse. I want to follow the no contact rule again but this time not reply back. If he contacts me and I ignore it, when should be the best time to call or text him again? Keep in mind it was a very bad break up, I wouldn't want him to feel like I don't care or if I'm doing something. I wouldn't want him to give me the same treatment if I decide to contact him the next day.
Diana,
I replied to your comment here.
Diana,
I replied to your comment here.
Hello, Say your ex is in a rebound relationship now and you start to do No Contact. How long should you wait to contact them? When the rebound is over? Thank you ......
You don't have to wait for it to be over. You can use the checklist at the beginning of the step 4 in this article.
Thank you. Your E-mails everyday and web site has been helping me tremendously. Thanx again ......
Thank you. Your E-mails everyday and web site has been helping me tremendously. Thanx again ......
Thank you. Your E-mails everyday and web site has been helping me tremendously. Thanx again ......
You don't have to wait for it to be over. You can use the checklist at the beginning of the step 4 in this article.
Hi kevin,
My boyfriend and I are together since 5 years, however, break up with me since 1 week since his parents does not approve our relationship as I am a hindu and he is a muslim. He does not want to marry me because of his parents. I would like him to return back to me but he didn't try to contact me yet and before breaking our relationship he said he want to finish our relationship as soon as possible. I want him desperately but I didn't contact me yet. What do I do in this case?
Laxmee,
I don't think there's anything you can do unless he realizes himself that you are more important to him than his parents.
but what can I do to make him return back to me faster?
Laxmee,
Like I said, there's really nothing you can do unless he makes the decision. Even if you could've done something, being hasty is a surefire way to ruining your chances.
Laxmee,
Like I said, there's really nothing you can do unless he makes the decision. Even if you could've done something, being hasty is a surefire way to ruining your chances.
Laxmee,
Like I said, there's really nothing you can do unless he makes the decision. Even if you could've done something, being hasty is a surefire way to ruining your chances.
Laxmee,
Like I said, there's really nothing you can do unless he makes the decision. Even if you could've done something, being hasty is a surefire way to ruining your chances.
but what can I do to make him return back to me faster?
but what can I do to make him return back to me faster?
Laxmee,
I don't think there's anything you can do unless he realizes himself that you are more important to him than his parents.
Hey Kevin,
I wrote my story to you few days ago (May 21). Yesterday I was at the gym which is quite near where me ex lives. I was feeling good so I decided to call my ex and get my last stuff back (I know it’s not what you recommended). She said that she can bring stuff to my place like we agreed earlier but I think that it was better that I took them now. So we met at her place and she cried again and didn’t look happy. I told her that I have seen other girls (mistake?) and she said nice that you live Iike you wanted. I said that was not I wanted. She didn’t ask much about my life but I was friendly and I shake hands when I was leaving. Her hand was so powerless and then we hug twice and she wished me nice summer. Then I left and I went to elevator and her door was still open. I had feeling that she maybe wanted me to stay but she didn’t say anything. Then I went to look a game on the television. Then she texted me two hours later: I guess I just called you by accident. Have a fun game night :) I had not come any incoming calls. Maybe that was an accident and she just wanted to be polite but I’m not sure? I haven’t answered anything to her. Before she texted me I decided start no contact and follow 5 step plan.
Short addition she is emotional and good hearted person so I don't think she is playing any mind games. I have little feeling that maybe she cries also because that she is with that other guy and she feels sorry for me. But it's hard to say whole truth.
I think everything went well. Even the part about telling her that you are seeing other girls. Continue with the plan.
I think everything went well. Even the part about telling her that you are seeing other girls. Continue with the plan.
I think everything went well. Even the part about telling her that you are seeing other girls. Continue with the plan.
Short addition she is emotional and good hearted person so I don't think she is playing any mind games. I have little feeling that maybe she cries also because that she is with that other guy and she feels sorry for me. But it's hard to say whole truth.
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. When we first got together I wanted us to be open with each other and to know almost everything about each other. Well I told him about my past with when I was in my big party days with friends. I was only 18 and I'm 27 now. I told him my friend and i was once in a somewhat threesome but it wasn't a full sex threesome. I didn't even have sex with the guy or friend just kissed her and kissed him. Well my friend and i have been friends for almost 10 years but he doesn't like me hanging out with her because he doesn't trust me with her. He thinks I am going to do that again and cheat on him. We both have grown up over the years. Yes sometimes we still like to go out and have some drinks but it's nothing like when we were younger. We have grown up a lot. Well I'm going on vacation with her and we are not going to do anything wrong. Just enjoy the beach. All we do when we get together is laugh and enjoy being friends that's all and my boyfriend seems to think i will do card stuff and cheat. Well he wants to break up with me because I'm going on vacation with her. He said he has no idea what will happen and he is not going to be an idiot so he wants to end our relationship. I would never do that to him and it is sad that he is wanting to break up over something that hasn't even happened and won't happen. We live together and now he is barely speaking to me. I don't know what to do in this situation. We are stuck in a lease for a year. I can't stand that we are barely speaking. He doesn't even tell me he loves me or gives me a kiss or anything. It has been 4 days that its been like this. What should I do?
Be calm, don't act needy. If he wants to breakup, tell him clearly how ridiculous you think it is, but agree with him. Then start no contact and let him realize on his own the mistake he made. He is being completely irrational about this.
Be calm, don't act needy. If he wants to breakup, tell him clearly how ridiculous you think it is, but agree with him. Then start no contact and let him realize on his own the mistake he made. He is being completely irrational about this.
Gf and I broke up a couple months ago, been in minor contact since then. I noticed today that she removed a photo of me from facebook. I think she may be interested in another guy. What should I do?
Hey Kevin and everyone else.
My fiance broke up with me almost 10 months ago.
We had been together for almost 9 years and it was first relationship for both of us. Im 29 and she will be 30 in 2 months.
Problem started 1 year before the breakup, due to new work we didnt get to spend much time together since she started early and i usually got home late and needed to work weekends and sleep away. During this time a guy at her work got friends with her and he started flirting with her. I did point this out to her and said it made me uncomfortable and asked her to distance herself a little from him. She said they were only friends and i do believe she was honest abouth that at first but he filled a void that was created due to the fact we got so little time together. Then one night i did something wrong by checking her text messages since that had been no problem before that we checked each others phones out of curiosity. But lately she had been protectiv abouth her phone and i wanted some answers. Turned out she had started flirting back with him so i asked her what was going on and if something had happend between the two of them. She denied it and said they had hugged and only hang out a little. I left the home and got back later that night and asked her how she felt and that she had to choose between me and him. She said she was confussed but anted to be with me and asked me to forgive her.
I tried give it another go but 10 months later she dumped me. She said i had been on edge since we talked about it and that her feelings for me had changed.
Needless to say i was a wreck and did all the misstakes.
What makes my situation a little speciall is that we both wanted to have each other in our lifes and didnt wanna ruin our friendship to.
We lived together at the time and we keept living together for almost 6 months during which time she looked for a new place to live.
During those 6 months we both had emotional breakdowns on wich we would comfort each other. I didnt bring up the fact that we should try again.
The last 2 months major changes have happend. One problem in our relationship was financial, we were both unemployed for periods so we had problem with money and being able to do things.
Luckily i have gotten a full time good paying job now, one that forces me to be away during the weeks. She is back at her old job where she works with the guy she was flirting with, he however didnt dare to stand up against me for her when i called him up on the phone and told him to back of, so i think he wont be a problem if not for the fact that her subconcious will remember that as a weak move from his side.
Finding your site 2 weeks ago and starting getting the email helps me put things in perspectiv. I have had regular conntact with her but for the last 2 weeks i have minimized it and focusing on improving myself, if she calls me i might pick up but keeps conversation to a minimum and holds a distance to her.
What i wounder is if i should carry on and go into full No Contact and then proceed with the letter or if it can be a possibility to skip NC and go straight for the letter, being that we had good contact after the breakup it does seems like a risk losing that then try get it back after no conntact.
I know this got long and i didnt intended it to be, but i sincerily would need the help i can get and would like to give as much information that i can.
Id like to add to this that all our mutual friends have allways viewed us like a "perfect" couple and think we are silly and that we still function together like we were a couple and they hope and think we will work this out.
For last i wanna thanks you for the help you provied to everyone that writtes or reads your articles.
Thanks Kevin
//Jerry
Hey Jerry,
I think minimum contact is going to work for you. If you think you need a little bit of no contact, you can inform her beforehand that you need some time and space.
Hey Jerry,
I think minimum contact is going to work for you. If you think you need a little bit of no contact, you can inform her beforehand that you need some time and space.
Hey Jerry,
I think minimum contact is going to work for you. If you think you need a little bit of no contact, you can inform her beforehand that you need some time and space.
Hey Kevin and everyone else.
My fiance broke up with me almost 10 months ago.
We had been together for almost 9 years and it was first relationship for both of us. Im 29 and she will be 30 in 2 months.
Problem started 1 year before the breakup, due to new work we didnt get to spend much time together since she started early and i usually got home late and needed to work weekends and sleep away. During this time a guy at her work got friends with her and he started flirting with her. I did point this out to her and said it made me uncomfortable and asked her to distance herself a little from him. She said they were only friends and i do believe she was honest abouth that at first but he filled a void that was created due to the fact we got so little time together. Then one night i did something wrong by checking her text messages since that had been no problem before that we checked each others phones out of curiosity. But lately she had been protectiv abouth her phone and i wanted some answers. Turned out she had started flirting back with him so i asked her what was going on and if something had happend between the two of them. She denied it and said they had hugged and only hang out a little. I left the home and got back later that night and asked her how she felt and that she had to choose between me and him. She said she was confussed but anted to be with me and asked me to forgive her.
I tried give it another go but 10 months later she dumped me. She said i had been on edge since we talked about it and that her feelings for me had changed.
Needless to say i was a wreck and did all the misstakes.
What makes my situation a little speciall is that we both wanted to have each other in our lifes and didnt wanna ruin our friendship to.
We lived together at the time and we keept living together for almost 6 months during which time she looked for a new place to live.
During those 6 months we both had emotional breakdowns on wich we would comfort each other. I didnt bring up the fact that we should try again.
The last 2 months major changes have happend. One problem in our relationship was financial, we were both unemployed for periods so we had problem with money and being able to do things.
Luckily i have gotten a full time good paying job now, one that forces me to be away during the weeks. She is back at her old job where she works with the guy she was flirting with, he however didnt dare to stand up against me for her when i called him up on the phone and told him to back of, so i think he wont be a problem if not for the fact that her subconcious will remember that as a weak move from his side.
Finding your site 2 weeks ago and starting getting the email helps me put things in perspectiv. I have had regular conntact with her but for the last 2 weeks i have minimized it and focusing on improving myself, if she calls me i might pick up but keeps conversation to a minimum and holds a distance to her.
What i wounder is if i should carry on and go into full No Contact and then proceed with the letter or if it can be a possibility to skip NC and go straight for the letter, being that we had good contact after the breakup it does seems like a risk losing that then try get it back after no conntact.
I know this got long and i didnt intended it to be, but i sincerily would need the help i can get and would like to give as much information that i can.
Id like to add to this that all our mutual friends have allways viewed us like a "perfect" couple and think we are silly and that we still function together like we were a couple and they hope and think we will work this out.
For last i wanna thanks you for the help you provied to everyone that writtes or reads your articles.
Thanks Kevin
//Jerry
After you've done your 1 month/2 months etc. Of NC and when you start actually talking to her, txting her and so on. Should you call her by her name or what you used to call her when you were in a relationship?
If you had a nickname, you can call her that. As long as it doesn't mean anything romantic. If not, you can just ignore the name while texting. You don't really have to mention her name when you are texting her. If a text requires her name, then call her what everyone else calls her. Unless of course, you are flirting over texts.
If you had a nickname, you can call her that. As long as it doesn't mean anything romantic. If not, you can just ignore the name while texting. You don't really have to mention her name when you are texting her. If a text requires her name, then call her what everyone else calls her. Unless of course, you are flirting over texts.
My ex and I began dating early this year. We met online. I had dated around for many years and have experienced many good relationships yet they just didn't work out. Online dating had never really worked for me but she asked me to go out with her so I agreed. We instantly hit it off. I remember thinking that night 'This woman is my future wife'. She later confessed that she too had the same feelings, that we had an extremely strong connection. I can say this through the experience of many dates I've been on. We began to see each other regularly and became a couple. Happy times they were. We began to talk quite frequently of the future and our goals were very alligned with each other. Our values and ideas created a strong bond. A while into the relationship I purchased a house, which turned out to be quite stressful for me. Work troubles added to that stress and I became frustrated and negative and felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I did not handle this stress productively as I am not one to be in situations like that. I am quite level headed, content and happy with life. She left me without much warning at all. We went from being very intimate and affectionate to her leaving in a day.
So I carried on and left it at that, I decided I wanted to help and change myself to become happy again, to fix my behavior issues and carry on. As hard as I tried I just could not lose the feeling that us being apart was wrong but I decided I would leave her be, but around two weeks post break up I found some books she had left at my place. I had not heard of the no contact rule. I sent her a text and she agreed stop by and grab her books in a few days. When she came over she was instantly all over me, touchy feely. We had a good chat and she asked if we could work this out. She had noticed a change in me instantly and recognized that I did not want to change for her but for my own happiness. We agreed to give it another go. For a month things went great, we laughed a lot, our love grew deeper and stronger and we were always gushing over how happy we were to be together again. As you may know change doesn't happen over night, and one afternoon I had a wreck, got pissed at myself and was grouchy for a couple of hours. I quickly became mindful again about my behavior and corrected it. But two days later it had an obvious effect on her as she decided to leave again. She said she loved me and had never had a connection quite like ours but she just couldn't trust that I would fully change. The resentment and fears from the first time we broke up were still present. She said she wasn't giving up on me but that she didn't want "us" anymore. It was tougher to lose her the second time around, and I sent a couple of text messages asking her to follow her heart and show some courage and drive to see us through but that wasn't getting through to her. So I left it at that. It's been 5 days since we've talked. I've read the info on this site and I believe that the no contact rule for 30 days is absolutely imperative. I just wish that I had read this site before I made contact after only two weeks. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Hey Kyle, i actually going throught almost the same deal. i been with this woman i love on and off for 4 years and i hurt her a lot. just like you said
"The resentment and fears from the first time we broke up were still present. She said she wasn’t giving up on me but that she didn’t want “us” anymore."
she still has a lot of resentment for all of the past she has tell me she has a mix of love and hate for me and last time we talk she pretty much also says the same" i love you but not romatically "
she asked for one month.
just like you kyle i want her bad so bad but i think is the best to give her like 3 weeks
thas all i can suggest
Hey Kyle, i actually going throught almost the same deal. i been with this woman i love on and off for 4 years and i hurt her a lot. just like you said
"The resentment and fears from the first time we broke up were still present. She said she wasn’t giving up on me but that she didn’t want “us” anymore."
she still has a lot of resentment for all of the past she has tell me she has a mix of love and hate for me and last time we talk she pretty much also says the same" i love you but not romatically "
she asked for one month.
just like you kyle i want her bad so bad but i think is the best to give her like 3 weeks
thas all i can suggest
Hello kevin,
I tried to write in here a while ago, but I just can't seem to find them. It would help me to know your perspective to my situation, as is with everyone else.
Thank you
Hey Victor,
Your comment is here.
Hey Victor,
Your comment is here.
Me and my ex broke up yesterday. We have been together for 6 months. He just wants to be friends in fact he wants to be BFFs. He told me that he was losing feelings for me a while ago but I thought he was joking but then, I relalized it was true after a while. He told me that I made him tired because I used to get mad really easily. He got tired of apologizing and making it up. It's both of our first time dating. Recently there has been a lot going around 2014. So I'm really stressed. I couldn't really focus on one thing. Since I started noticing that he was tired all of the worst things happened to me. My grandma got a coma and my mom and brother flew back to china to see her. I couldn't because I'm still in school. I got a dog my mom didn't like it so I had to give it to my friend. Now my mom says I can have it dog and i wanna get it back but, I gave it to my friend already. I'm losing everything in my life, he made me happy and he was the one there most of the time. I really don't want him as a friend. I would do anything to get him back. He told me he does love me but not as a lover, as like a cousin or friend. I really don't want to stop talking to him because Im scard if I stop talking to him, he might start forgetting about me. Also I'll see him a lot because I have a few days of school left before summer and I have tennis practice over the summer for 3-4 days in a week. Please help me. I really don't want to lose him in my life. I don't want him as a friend. I want him as my boyfriend or husband in the future.
Hailee,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hailee,
Read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hi Kevin,
I was wondering during NC. I want to read his messages but it will say that I read the message. Should I read it or not read it because he would know if I read it or not?
You can read it. As long as you don't reply. If you have to reply, you can send him a text telling him you need some space and time right now.
You can read it. As long as you don't reply. If you have to reply, you can send him a text telling him you need some space and time right now.
Hi Kevin,
So I and my ex broke up couple of weeks ago and I still don't know the reason for that. we were in a relationship for like only one month but we dated for quite a bit. she lives like 2 hours away from my place. I met her a day before we broke up and she said "I miss you so much" and hugged me hugely. She was busy with her studies and everything so I didn't bother to message her for 2 days after meeting her. and when I texted her she refused texting me back for another 3 days and said she wanted to break up with me because she lost feelings on me(while waiting, I sent her a long email stating how I felt about her and I wanna know why she is not replying me). I somehow pulled it back but she wasn't as the same as she used to be(I asked her to start detaching from me like 2 weeks ago but never thought she would do it, which I think is the first mistake I have done). so I said I want to break up with you the following day. she contacted me again after like 4 days and we just talked random stuffs. then I stopped replying her for like a week and I messaged her again. but then she was still behaving weird and it was really hurting me so I told her that we cannot be friends and I am not gonna contact you again. I said sorry for everything I had done(second mistake). she just said "Okay", that's all.
I never asked for the relationship back after breaking up. I stopped messaging her again and contacted her couple of days ago when I was drunk. I said "I wish I could meet you once and explain everything to you. I miss you so much :-("( Third mistake). she did not reply to that message but I sent her another message saying "I was pretty drunk yesterday and let me know when I can talk to you". she said she is at someones house and she is gonna be there for the whole day. I said okay, take your time and contact me whenever you get a chance. but she hasn't contacted me yet. it's been like 3 days now. I might have done things that she didn't like since I am from a different culture. but I gave valid answers for everything I've done, but she is refusing to accept those. I don't know if she will ever contact me again or not. I am pretty sure she will answer me if I ask a random question from her. but I don't know if that approach is going to work. it seems like she doesn't care about me at all now. she was really nice to me and I really love her a lot(I think I love her more than I loved anyone else). should I wait until she replies my message? and what should I say if she replies? what if she does't reply me at all? I am really burning inside and I really want the relationship back and I would of course do anything to get it back.
Thanks!
Hey Josh,
I think you are putting her on a pedestal and what you think is love is just an obsession. You were with her for only a month. You know almost nothing about her to actually love her as a person. All you know that she is not a very understanding person, since she is not accepting your explanation for whatever happened. And that is not a quality you should look for in a life partner. You can try the 5 step plan, but your chances are less.
Hey Josh,
I think you are putting her on a pedestal and what you think is love is just an obsession. You were with her for only a month. You know almost nothing about her to actually love her as a person. All you know that she is not a very understanding person, since she is not accepting your explanation for whatever happened. And that is not a quality you should look for in a life partner. You can try the 5 step plan, but your chances are less.
Hey Kevin,
So my ex did not text me for a couple days. I left it because my grandmother passed away and I was busy with the funeral stuff. He knew that she was gone but he did not text me to see how I was doing or anything, but whatever it didn't bother me. Saturday he texted me "hey jaser" (the nickname he gave me when we were dating) and I texted him back and he didnt respond, but he was on facebook all night. So I waited until Sunday night and I texted him again, and he called me for a few minutes but he had to go. He then tried to call me back but I was out so I said I would call him later. When I got home, I tried to call but he didn't answer. I texted him and asked if he was available to talk and I got no response, but again he was on Facebook all night. He still has not answered my text or anything. I'm not really sure what this means, like does he not want to talk anymore? Or am I overreacting? Should I just wait for him to text me? We are supposed to meet up this weekend and I don't know how were gonna do that if he is gonna ignore me.
You are overreacting. If he doesn't respond, back off for a while. He'll probably contact you. If he doesn't you contact him on the weekend.
You are overreacting. If he doesn't respond, back off for a while. He'll probably contact you. If he doesn't you contact him on the weekend.
I should also mention that during those nine days the only time I will be able to see her is after school ends and everyone is walking out. She always goes to a certain place in the school where she meets up with friends for a couple minutes before going home. I'm not friends with her friends and don't really know them other than her friend Brooke who I was friends with briefly before things between me and my ex went sour, but for the most part she has always had it out for me for some unknown reason. And with things as they are right now I cant exactly just walk up to her and say hi because that will immediately cause her to put her wall up and then I'm back to square one again, plus her friend Brooke who is an absolute bitch will say everything she can to degrade me as a person. The only real thing I think I can do is just hang out with a couple of my friends either somewhere on her route to where she goes or at the same place as her and do that for a few days and hope she sees me and sees that I'm better, which I am, I've worked out most of my personal problems for the most part and I'm a happier person now. The only thing that ever gets to me anymore is the thought of not fixing things with her. I know I will not get her back anytime soon, I have to first work my way back into her friend zone and from there I know without a doubt that it will be a matter of time before I have her back because me and her have always just clicked. What do I do Kevin because I have no idea? If you read any of the conversation that I had a few days earlier with some of the other people who you are helping out then you might have seen the last thing I posted which was about acting more like I was when we first met and during the best part our relationship. I was pretty cocky and always making some joke, but I think if I'm gonna get her to notice me and not just turn away then I have to do something that cant really be ignored. Please help me Kevin.
Thanks Kevin
I'll try her phone and see if she has unlocked it or not but I doubt it. She's stubborn and once she gets it in her mind I have to dig it out. I'm the same way, probably even more even more so than her but we still work as a couple even they we are both stubborn, I think the only reason we work so well is because we usually are never stubborn with each other over any serious matters, only joking around or teasing. But with anyone else we don't budge much
I tried her phone and as I suspected it was still blocked, she's stubborn and isn't about to let me back in without a fight and I have known that from day one. I just don't know how effective just seeing me will be. Nerves are very high and on edge for me now because I'm really feeling the time ticking down on me and I feel as though I'm trying defuse a warhead and one wrong move and everything I've worked for, every second of this hell I have endured for so long will have been for nothing and life will explode. She is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thought in my head before I sleep. I need a way in, that's it, if I can just get in, even just a hair, then I know it will be okay. But the question remains how?
Hey Zach,
Rushing things usually backfires. That's why I'll recommend that you stop looking at your situation as a ticking time bomb. Forget about trying to make a move before school gets over. You can find a way to contact her after that. She will probably unblock you and if she doesn't you can try sending her an email or a hand written letter. Like you said, there's a 50/50 chance of her parents opening the letter. So that is still a risk worth taking. Or perhaps, you can ask some friend to give it to her.
But what is more important than any of this is that you stop putting her on a pedestal and stop thinking of her as your one true love. You guys had a good relationship, but it ended. I know you feel like that things will be different this time, but there's a good chance that even if you do get her back, it won't work out.
I want you to read the checklist at the starting of Step 4. Apply no contact till you are sure you pass all the points. I know you went out on a date already, but I'll recommend you go out on a couple more dates before ending no contact.
Hey Zach,
Rushing things usually backfires. That's why I'll recommend that you stop looking at your situation as a ticking time bomb. Forget about trying to make a move before school gets over. You can find a way to contact her after that. She will probably unblock you and if she doesn't you can try sending her an email or a hand written letter. Like you said, there's a 50/50 chance of her parents opening the letter. So that is still a risk worth taking. Or perhaps, you can ask some friend to give it to her.
But what is more important than any of this is that you stop putting her on a pedestal and stop thinking of her as your one true love. You guys had a good relationship, but it ended. I know you feel like that things will be different this time, but there's a good chance that even if you do get her back, it won't work out.
I want you to read the checklist at the starting of Step 4. Apply no contact till you are sure you pass all the points. I know you went out on a date already, but I'll recommend you go out on a couple more dates before ending no contact.
Hey Zach,
Rushing things usually backfires. That's why I'll recommend that you stop looking at your situation as a ticking time bomb. Forget about trying to make a move before school gets over. You can find a way to contact her after that. She will probably unblock you and if she doesn't you can try sending her an email or a hand written letter. Like you said, there's a 50/50 chance of her parents opening the letter. So that is still a risk worth taking. Or perhaps, you can ask some friend to give it to her.
But what is more important than any of this is that you stop putting her on a pedestal and stop thinking of her as your one true love. You guys had a good relationship, but it ended. I know you feel like that things will be different this time, but there's a good chance that even if you do get her back, it won't work out.
I want you to read the checklist at the starting of Step 4. Apply no contact till you are sure you pass all the points. I know you went out on a date already, but I'll recommend you go out on a couple more dates before ending no contact.
Hey Zach,
Rushing things usually backfires. That's why I'll recommend that you stop looking at your situation as a ticking time bomb. Forget about trying to make a move before school gets over. You can find a way to contact her after that. She will probably unblock you and if she doesn't you can try sending her an email or a hand written letter. Like you said, there's a 50/50 chance of her parents opening the letter. So that is still a risk worth taking. Or perhaps, you can ask some friend to give it to her.
But what is more important than any of this is that you stop putting her on a pedestal and stop thinking of her as your one true love. You guys had a good relationship, but it ended. I know you feel like that things will be different this time, but there's a good chance that even if you do get her back, it won't work out.
I want you to read the checklist at the starting of Step 4. Apply no contact till you are sure you pass all the points. I know you went out on a date already, but I'll recommend you go out on a couple more dates before ending no contact.
I tried her phone and as I suspected it was still blocked, she's stubborn and isn't about to let me back in without a fight and I have known that from day one. I just don't know how effective just seeing me will be. Nerves are very high and on edge for me now because I'm really feeling the time ticking down on me and I feel as though I'm trying defuse a warhead and one wrong move and everything I've worked for, every second of this hell I have endured for so long will have been for nothing and life will explode. She is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thought in my head before I sleep. I need a way in, that's it, if I can just get in, even just a hair, then I know it will be okay. But the question remains how?
I tried her phone and as I suspected it was still blocked, she's stubborn and isn't about to let me back in without a fight and I have known that from day one. I just don't know how effective just seeing me will be. Nerves are very high and on edge for me now because I'm really feeling the time ticking down on me and I feel as though I'm trying defuse a warhead and one wrong move and everything I've worked for, every second of this hell I have endured for so long will have been for nothing and life will explode. She is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thought in my head before I sleep. I need a way in, that's it, if I can just get in, even just a hair, then I know it will be okay. But the question remains how?
Hey Zack,
OK, how do you know that you are still blocked on her phone? Did you try contacting her? There's a good chance that she started wondering why you are not contacting her and unblocked you in hopes you will contact her. What you are planning is also fine as long as you don't just go up to her and try to make her to unblock you.
Thanks Kevin
I'll try her phone and see if she has unlocked it or not but I doubt it. She's stubborn and once she gets it in her mind I have to dig it out. I'm the same way, probably even more even more so than her but we still work as a couple even they we are both stubborn, I think the only reason we work so well is because we usually are never stubborn with each other over any serious matters, only joking around or teasing. But with anyone else we don't budge much
Hey Zack,
OK, how do you know that you are still blocked on her phone? Did you try contacting her? There's a good chance that she started wondering why you are not contacting her and unblocked you in hopes you will contact her. What you are planning is also fine as long as you don't just go up to her and try to make her to unblock you.
Anyways that means I cant text or call her, she doesn't use facebook or other social networks, I cant send her an email because she doesn't check her emails unless you ask her to, and finally I cant send her a letter because she lives with her parents and we have already talked about that option and ruled it out anyways. So basically I have nine days to get her to start talking to me again and eventually unlock her phone.
Hi Kevin, I have an emergency and so this comment is pretty long so I've broke it up into sections but just read it as if its all just one big one please.
I could really use your help because I'm kinda worried right now, I only have two weeks of school left and I have to get her to at least start talking to me before it ends or its over because after school ends I will have no way of communicating with her. Every time we would have an argument she always blocked my phone until I could see her again and make things better. And I think its prudent to mention that we have never had an argument while in person, the only time we have ever fought with each other is over the phone. And I believe the fact that we never fight in person is a great sign that our relationship is solid and our only problem is that we don't see each other often enough but that should change because of summer.
Kevin, I broke up with my boyfriend 10 months ago I told him we could get back together but he rejected me. Since we broke up we have never lost contact but on my part. I feel like I am supposed to do the move since I was the one who broke up with him. I saw him in a concert yesterday and i danced with him he hugged me and kissed me but we didn't cross a word. I dont know what to do i think i ruined the attraction part after the no-contact. I really want him back what do i do? do i call him to tell him that I am not any girl who dances with whoever or should i just ignore everything that happened that night? Please help
Ignore whatever happened. Start no contact again and follow the plan.
Ignore whatever happened. Start no contact again and follow the plan.
Girlfriend of 3 years has had a job abroad for 5 months. First of all it came to a big shock to me as I didn't like the thought of being away for that long and ended it and she totally understood. I started thinking loads and missing her I started texting her to meet me and was hoping to chat over things (3days after break up) I was thinking maybe we could work something out that I went out to see her a few times to split up the 4 months I live her too bits. I went to see her which was a big mistake we argued and she said she wanted to go her separate way from me she's said she was disappointed in me because I was supportive over her new job offer and we've been arguing over it quite a bit and she thiks it's best to go our desperate way what do you recommend that I do.
Follow the steps in the article Dave.
Follow the steps in the article Dave.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago(I'm 27 and she's 22). Basically the reason we broke up was because i ignored her, due to being mad at her. Anyway i have now realise my mistake and so wanted to apoligize to her. Anyway when i did she said she's is no longer interested in being with me and so we broke up. So in order to get her back i made all the mistakes you mentioned here and i think it might have gotten worse to the point where she didn't wanna see or even talk to me and has even ask for time and space and no contact. That's when i followed your NC rule in order to get her back. The only problem is we see each other alot due to common friends, family gatherings, team mates in sport etc.. i have followed NC for about a week now while also improving myself, not talking to her whenever we see each other. This is another problem i'm having, when i tried getting her back, i promised i wouldn't ignore her anymore and instead communicate with her but she didn't believe me. So if i keep ignoring her wouldn't that just make my words a lie? I was just thinking of saying hi, hello, how are you, good to see you etc.. whenever i see her to prove that i won't ignore her anymore. Do i still have a chance at getting her back? Another thing is she hasn't change her relationship status on facebook, it still says she is in a relationship with me. She stills has pictures of us on her phone and room. Does this mean she still likes me even if she says she wants our relationship to end and all sorts of excuses?
Yes, when you see her, treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. You do have a chance. Her having your pictures doesn't necessarily mean she wants you back. It just means she still misses you and is not over you.
Yes, when you see her, treat her like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. You do have a chance. Her having your pictures doesn't necessarily mean she wants you back. It just means she still misses you and is not over you.
I have been with my partner for over twenty years during which time he has an arranged marriage and several affairs.
He said he was having affairs cos I needed to lose weight and be 'stunning' and until I did there was no chemistry. The affairs have caused me so much pain and turned me into a needy, miserable person. I found him with his latest woman a few days ago and became demected. He has now text to say he detests me wants nothing to do with me, loves this woman he has known a couple of weeks and will go the end of the earth to make it work with her. She would though still be his grubby little secret if he hadn't got caught. The shocking thing is that she is not his type at all and far from stunning, overweight, bigger than me, middle aged and grey. Actually quote bizarre to imagine him attracted to her in anyway.
I miss him badly, which is made worse by his comments that he detests me and I have no idea why.
I want him back badly and am panicking like crazy over his new relationship. Please help.
Thank you
Hey,
His new relationship is probably another one of his affair which turned into a rebound. I want you to apply no contact for at least three months. You have lived the past 20 years in pain and emotional hell because of his affairs. Do you want the same for the next 20 years of your life?
Hey,
His new relationship is probably another one of his affair which turned into a rebound. I want you to apply no contact for at least three months. You have lived the past 20 years in pain and emotional hell because of his affairs. Do you want the same for the next 20 years of your life?
Hello. I wrote to u a bit further down on the page.. I have some questions..
When we haven't been seeing each other for more than a few months, isn't 30 days without contacting him a very long time?.. I guess maybe he will forget about me as he treats me still as I don't exist..
And I'm not sure what to say to him when it's time to make a move and contact.. Cus if there's a message without a question, maybe he wont answer? And what if he don't answer at all? Should I then initiate a meeting and send an other message?.. :/ and I am going to have a surgery around the date I'm going to contact and not sure if I can meet him at a public place like a cafe and so on. Is it a no no to ask him to your place or is it better to suggest a date a bit later and make a deal when I'm healed from my surgery?
To be honest, I feel a bit helpless now.. I also commented in a thread a bit further down and haven't got a reply to that one.. Thanks
30 days is not a very long time in my opinion, even if you haven't seen each other for a few months before that. When you contact him, use one of the methods mentioned in the 5 step plan. I'll recommend you wait until you've fully healed before asking to meetup.
30 days is not a very long time in my opinion, even if you haven't seen each other for a few months before that. When you contact him, use one of the methods mentioned in the 5 step plan. I'll recommend you wait until you've fully healed before asking to meetup.
I had a question concerning your 5 steps and if these same rules apply to a long-distance relationship. Are there any steps that should be adjusted or done differently?
Thanks!
Yes, they do apply to long distance. Instead of asking to meet up, you can ask them to hang out on skype. And later on, you can plan a trip to their city where you can ultimately meet up.
Yes, they do apply to long distance. Instead of asking to meet up, you can ask them to hang out on skype. And later on, you can plan a trip to their city where you can ultimately meet up.
Hi Kevin, your website and emails have been really helpful in helping me to cope with a break up. My ex and I are in our early thirties and I initiated the break up and we agreed it was for the best. We were together for almost 18 months and started living together halfway through, due to changes in family circumstances. We've both been under a lot of stress in our own lives (mainly work) and it affected the relationship. Anyway, we broke up a few months ago, and I moved out. Some of his closest friends have stayed in touch with me too. I followed NC and contacted him a couple of weeks ago (I kept to a light subject), and he replied back, and then I replied and then nothing else from him. About 10 days later, I text him again about a charity event we both went to, and we had a short text conversation about something funny....although, again my text was the *last* in the conversation. As I initiated both text chats, what do I do from now on? Keep in touch or wait for him to respond? Thanks.
Wait two weeks and then text again. If he is still cold, then do no contact again for a month.
Wait two weeks and then text again. If he is still cold, then do no contact again for a month.
Hi, Kevin!
I can't seem to find my comment or remember the date when I posted here. All that I know is that I started receiving your mails last May 22, 2014. And I'm not even sure if I posted here my comment or on other articles.
Please help.
Thanks!
Hey Kevin,
I posted something here yesterday and wondering if it's been posted.
Thanks!
Hey Josh,
It's here.
Hey Josh,
It's here.
Kevin,
I didn't see a response to my last comment so I am re-posting it here. In need of some advice!
Ok good deal. She bailed on lunch this weekend. I think due to the fact that it is Memorial Day weekend, she’s out having fun. She did call and text me saying she misses me and that she was going up to Tahoe for her cousins b-day and wants to set something up to meet when she gets back. She told me to call her, the next day as I didn’t get her call or texts because I was asleep.
I called the next day, no answer. So I texted and I said, “Ive been super busy lately and was asleep when you called and texted. Ive been at work but wanted to call you as you said. I know you like to sleep in so I didn’t want to call too early. If I don’t talk to you before you leave for Tahoe. Have fun, be safe. Say Hi to the Fam and ya lets set something up when you get back.”
I also don’t think she is in Tahoe… Do you think I have anything to worry about here?
Can I text her when the Holiday weekend is over, “How was your holiday weekend?”
As always your insights are greatly appreciated.
I replied to your comment here.
Kevin,
Saw your reply on the other post. Thank you. If after a few days she doesn't reach out, I've got the green light to text and see how she responds.. If cold I'll back off and if warm I'll go with the flow.
I replied to your comment here.
Kevin,
Saw your reply on the other post. Thank you. If after a few days she doesn't reach out, I've got the green light to text and see how she responds.. If cold I'll back off and if warm I'll go with the flow.
Hi Kevin-
My ex girlfriend broke up with me because she is ready to move in and begin living her life with a partner and I'm younger than her and not ready. She claims she can't "wait for me anymore". She also says that she cannot deal with my closet situation as I am a lesbian and my family doesn't know. We have been together for 2 and 1/2 years and I was wondering if this reasoning is an exception to the rule ? Do I have any chance of getting her back?
Thank you
Gigi,
She is clear about what she wants in her life. Unless you are willing to provide her what she wants, your chances of reconciliation are very less.
Same situation for me...once she told me she is lesbian ...but I still desperately need her.and told her that I love her.. after few months she told she will give me a chance but do not torture her to love her. So I went no contact for 30 days..she tells me that she is close to love me..I said I'm confidence in my life...she tells me to keep this no contact and it will make her to love me..but she is still a lesbian. What should I do Mr.kevin?
Hey,
If she is a lesbian, then you will probably have a better chance finding someone who is not. If you are truly confident, then you wouldn't settle for someone who is not attracted to you sexually.
Hey,
If she is a lesbian, then you will probably have a better chance finding someone who is not. If you are truly confident, then you wouldn't settle for someone who is not attracted to you sexually.
Hey,
If she is a lesbian, then you will probably have a better chance finding someone who is not. If you are truly confident, then you wouldn't settle for someone who is not attracted to you sexually.
Hey,
If she is a lesbian, then you will probably have a better chance finding someone who is not. If you are truly confident, then you wouldn't settle for someone who is not attracted to you sexually.
Same situation for me...once she told me she is lesbian ...but I still desperately need her.and told her that I love her.. after few months she told she will give me a chance but do not torture her to love her. So I went no contact for 30 days..she tells me that she is close to love me..I said I'm confidence in my life...she tells me to keep this no contact and it will make her to love me..but she is still a lesbian. What should I do Mr.kevin?
Same situation for me...once she told me she is lesbian ...but I still desperately need her.and told her that I love her.. after few months she told she will give me a chance but do not torture her to love her. So I went no contact for 30 days..she tells me that she is close to love me..I said I'm confidence in my life...she tells me to keep this no contact and it will make her to love me..but she is still a lesbian. What should I do Mr.kevin?
Gigi,
She is clear about what she wants in her life. Unless you are willing to provide her what she wants, your chances of reconciliation are very less.
What if I have already made it clearr to her that I am moving on
That might work to your advantage.
That might work to your advantage.
Kevin,
I broke up with my ex of 7+ years in January because I didn't feel that he was spending enough time with me( I work evenings and he works days so I only have 2 evenings that we can hang out each week.) after the breakup we continued to talk once in a while and thought we could stay friends. A month ago I heard hat he was dating a lady that he had dated in the past. I went to his house and asked him if she was the reason everything went sour for us and he said no, that they recently had crossed paths. He said "I still love you but this is something I want to do. I did not know what to say. We talked a little more about other things and I decided to go. As I walked to the door he grabbed me hugged me very tightly, rubbing my back. He began to cry . I said you need to tell me you don't love me so that I can move on. He. Said "I can tell you what ever you want me to, but that is not how I feel." Kevin, I don't understand. I have been reading your emails and have been no contact since our last visit. What is going on? Is it possible to still get him back?
Kevin after 30 days nc I sent him a text on a rainy day when I knew she was working and he was alone. It said "I was doing some baking this morning. Made me think of you. Actually brought a smile to my face" He did not respond. Have I lost him?
Not necessarily. You can do NC again and try one more time. If still nothing, then you should move on.
Kevin, I had kind of a family emergency a few weeks ago. I was very upset and called him. I left him a message and told him I needed to talk to him as a friend. He called back . We talked and then talked again several times that night. The next day I called to update him. We talked for a bit and then he said " I still love you, but the phone calls and texts make me uncomfortable ." He said " you never know when she will be around and the s%#t would hit the fan if I called or text when she was around . I told him I respected the fact that. I asked him if he thought we would. Ever get back together and he said probably. I made him tell me to get out of his life. The next day. I called him again ( I know , I felt bad about the way I ended things) We talked for a while . I explained that after 8 years this was like a divorce to me. I thought he was starting to yell at me but instead he started bawling and said" do you know what the worst time of my life was? (He was wailing ) my divorce ! I didn't want it ! I didn't want it ! I didn't know what to say. He had never in 8 years talked about the effects of his divorce .
He then said that his job was very demanding with orders , he was wanting to retire in dec. but couldn't because he couldn't afford to etc. He then mentioned that he hadn't been able to eat since the morning before ( after I made him tell me to get out of his life . ) I wished him the best, and meant it. He said he loved me and we hung up. I started NC again two weeks ago . What do you think I should expect now?
Kevin, I had kind of a family emergency a few weeks ago. I was very upset and called him. I left him a message and told him I needed to talk to him as a friend. He called back . We talked and then talked again several times that night. The next day I called to update him. We talked for a bit and then he said " I still love you, but the phone calls and texts make me uncomfortable ." He said " you never know when she will be around and the s%#t would hit the fan if I called or text when she was around . I told him I respected the fact that. I asked him if he thought we would. Ever get back together and he said probably. I made him tell me to get out of his life. The next day. I called him again ( I know , I felt bad about the way I ended things) We talked for a while . I explained that after 8 years this was like a divorce to me. I thought he was starting to yell at me but instead he started bawling and said" do you know what the worst time of my life was? (He was wailing ) my divorce ! I didn't want it ! I didn't want it ! I didn't know what to say. He had never in 8 years talked about the effects of his divorce .
He then said that his job was very demanding with orders , he was wanting to retire in dec. but couldn't because he couldn't afford to etc. He then mentioned that he hadn't been able to eat since the morning before ( after I made him tell me to get out of his life . ) I wished him the best, and meant it. He said he loved me and we hung up. I started NC again two weeks ago . What do you think I should expect now?
Kevin, I had kind of a family emergency a few weeks ago. I was very upset and called him. I left him a message and told him I needed to talk to him as a friend. He called back . We talked and then talked again several times that night. The next day I called to update him. We talked for a bit and then he said " I still love you, but the phone calls and texts make me uncomfortable ." He said " you never know when she will be around and the s%#t would hit the fan if I called or text when she was around . I told him I respected the fact that. I asked him if he thought we would. Ever get back together and he said probably. I made him tell me to get out of his life. The next day. I called him again ( I know , I felt bad about the way I ended things) We talked for a while . I explained that after 8 years this was like a divorce to me. I thought he was starting to yell at me but instead he started bawling and said" do you know what the worst time of my life was? (He was wailing ) my divorce ! I didn't want it ! I didn't want it ! I didn't know what to say. He had never in 8 years talked about the effects of his divorce .
He then said that his job was very demanding with orders , he was wanting to retire in dec. but couldn't because he couldn't afford to etc. He then mentioned that he hadn't been able to eat since the morning before ( after I made him tell me to get out of his life . ) I wished him the best, and meant it. He said he loved me and we hung up. I started NC again two weeks ago . What do you think I should expect now?
Kevin, I had kind of a family emergency a few weeks ago. I was very upset and called him. I left him a message and told him I needed to talk to him as a friend. He called back . We talked and then talked again several times that night. The next day I called to update him. We talked for a bit and then he said " I still love you, but the phone calls and texts make me uncomfortable ." He said " you never know when she will be around and the s%#t would hit the fan if I called or text when she was around . I told him I respected the fact that. I asked him if he thought we would. Ever get back together and he said probably. I made him tell me to get out of his life. The next day. I called him again ( I know , I felt bad about the way I ended things) We talked for a while . I explained that after 8 years this was like a divorce to me. I thought he was starting to yell at me but instead he started bawling and said" do you know what the worst time of my life was? (He was wailing ) my divorce ! I didn't want it ! I didn't want it ! I didn't know what to say. He had never in 8 years talked about the effects of his divorce .
He then said that his job was very demanding with orders , he was wanting to retire in dec. but couldn't because he couldn't afford to etc. He then mentioned that he hadn't been able to eat since the morning before ( after I made him tell me to get out of his life . ) I wished him the best, and meant it. He said he loved me and we hung up. I started NC again two weeks ago . What do you think I should expect now?
Not necessarily. You can do NC again and try one more time. If still nothing, then you should move on.
Not necessarily. You can do NC again and try one more time. If still nothing, then you should move on.
Yes, it is possible. He is just in a rebound. You already know what to do.
Kevin after 30 days nc I sent him a text on a rainy day when I knew she was working and he was alone. It said "I was doing some baking this morning. Made me think of you. Actually brought a smile to my face" He did not respond. Have I lost him?
Yes, it is possible. He is just in a rebound. You already know what to do.
Hey everyone,
Does anyone want to find some kind of way to chat. I don't know, maybe it could help us all get through things because we can all relate.
Hi Zach, my situation is bit different but I agree that talking to each other may help... I'm in my first week of NC and finding it very difficult to cope... I haven't gone anywhere cos I moved cities and everything is new here and don't have a job to go to yet etc... I hope you're coping better than me at this stage, Rihanna, age 30
Hi Rihanna,
It's day 36 for me. It was really tough for me for the first few weeks and because I have bipolar it was bad enough I didn't leave my house for a week and a half. You sit around and everything you see reminds you of them. I can say that it doesn't so much as get better but instead you just learn to deal with it better, the amount of time you spend feeling aweful after you see something that reminds you of them gets shorter. My advice is to find something distracting, I spent most of my time watching movies and tv, must have watched two hundred episodes and probably thirty movies in the first three weeks. And I also learned really fast after the first time I went out and did something that it helps a lot even if you are just going out, go to a bar talk to some new people. I found that working helped me out as well, I never really did before but now I have the benefits of looking good and the endorphins that promote happiness being released. Find something you have always wanted to learn and do it. I'm learning how to dance hip hop such as tutting. It's all about will power, get through this and just keep telling yourself this is how you get them back, if they are important enough to you, then a month of living in hell is worth it. Today I see her for the first time, I have no intention of talking to her but instead just let her see me hanging with my friends and not even acknowledging her presence. I'm gonna let her see me looking good and having a great time. When she sees me being that cocky and confident guy I was when we met and when we were solid in our relationship, I have a pretty good feeling she want be able to ignore me, especially of she sees that I'm ignoring her presence. You can get through this Rihanna, just take one day at a time and remember why your doing this. Good luck!!!
Zach,
It's okay if you fall short of improving yourself and is enjoying a bottle of whiskey now. I, myself, fall short at times because come on, we can't perfect it this first time. What matters is you keep on improving. At times, i feel also a hole in my heart and my life and my stomach lurches, and I'm back on grieving again. But then, who doesn't? It's just a normal feeling, I guess. There will always be that empty hole inside of you and if you expect people or her to fill it up for you, then you're gonna have a bad time. It might be hard but you have to fill that gaping hole yourself. And once you're complete again, youcan impress her without pretentions because you can be proud you did it yourself. At times when you feel down and alone and lonely, think of us: Rihanna, Britt, Me, Kevin and everyone else on this page.
Because we are all in this together, right?
RAED
Hey! Congrats man on your Zach 2.0!
Go Zach and I'm very happy for you... Thanks for your message it helped me heaps, I hope I'm as tough as you but I need lots of support as I'm feeling like I'm sinking into depression and I feel sick all the time... I moved to the country and I miss the big city although the city will remind me of him... we didn't have a fight he just fell ill and depressed so we parted... a good question to ask: from which day do I count NC, from the day he answered my text or from the day I stopped bombarding him with text messages which he ignored? thanks heaps xx
Hey, Rihanna!
I've always been sick lately! I skipped on foods and I don't have appetite on anything. Even on foods that I used to like. I feel guilty eating pizza or ice cream when I'm sad because you don't get sad when you eat those abd that's a rule for me. Haha!
Based on Kevin's advised, i guess you should start counting the NC rule the day that you texted her last. Kevin said when you approached him and he seems distant and cold, start NC rule again.
Hey, Rihanna!
I've always been sick lately! I skipped on foods and I don't have appetite on anything. Even on foods that I used to like. I feel guilty eating pizza or ice cream when I'm sad because you don't get sad when you eat those abd that's a rule for me. Haha!
Based on Kevin's advised, i guess you should start counting the NC rule the day that you texted her last. Kevin said when you approached him and he seems distant and cold, start NC rule again.
Hey, Rihanna!
I've always been sick lately! I skipped on foods and I don't have appetite on anything. Even on foods that I used to like. I feel guilty eating pizza or ice cream when I'm sad because you don't get sad when you eat those abd that's a rule for me. Haha!
Based on Kevin's advised, i guess you should start counting the NC rule the day that you texted her last. Kevin said when you approached him and he seems distant and cold, start NC rule again.
Hey, Rihanna!
I've always been sick lately! I skipped on foods and I don't have appetite on anything. Even on foods that I used to like. I feel guilty eating pizza or ice cream when I'm sad because you don't get sad when you eat those abd that's a rule for me. Haha!
Based on Kevin's advised, i guess you should start counting the NC rule the day that you texted her last. Kevin said when you approached him and he seems distant and cold, start NC rule again.
Hey, Rihanna!
I've always been sick lately! I skipped on foods and I don't have appetite on anything. Even on foods that I used to like. I feel guilty eating pizza or ice cream when I'm sad because you don't get sad when you eat those abd that's a rule for me. Haha!
Based on Kevin's advised, i guess you should start counting the NC rule the day that you texted her last. Kevin said when you approached him and he seems distant and cold, start NC rule again.
Zach. Its okay to drink every once in a while. I suggest you drink with your friends because in my case, i get to have fun that way. Imagine the happiness drinking with your friends. You are noisy, you dont give a fuck about the world, you feel confident around them, and you really are having FUN. just try to avoid talking about your ex.
Goodluck!
It didn't go as I had hoped it would, by the time she got to where I was, most of my friends had to go already so it was just me and my buddy and we had to walk past her and when she saw me I guess she thought I was gonna try to talk to her because she looked as if she was gonna get a little irritated and that hurt. I think I know why, the day we had our fight we had planned to hang out after her study hall but earlier that day we had a little argue ment thing and she was a little angry and so when I asked her if she still wanted me to go up there to see me she said not really. I ended up going up there anyways because I took some bad advice from a mutual friend who said she actually wanted to see me. So I rode my bike 8 miles up and down hills because I didn't have my car, I get there just in time for her to tell me study hall was canceled and she had already told her dad so he would expect her home, I was frustrated and she was mad at me for coming, but I was so tired and exhausted and my lungs were on fire and I knew there was no way I would be a ble to ride home especially with the problem I had with my lungs a couple years earlier and they haven't been the same since. So I asked her and asked her if she would call him back and let him no she actually did have study hall so at least it wasn't for nothing, but she wouldn't. I was already really upset because the day before she had had a really bad day and the stress got to her and she told me she wanted us to take a break and she was really upset when she told me that and it was over the phone and when I tried to talk to her about it she said some mean things so I would drop it because she was having a hard enough time as it was. So I was upset and now I was frustrated at her and pissed at my mutual friend who told me to go up there, and as I mentioned before how sometimes I could lose it, well I did, she got a ride home from her friend and I was tired and her place was on my way home so I texted her and told her I was gonna stop by her place so I could see her for a bit and get a little break before going home and she was said no and I argued with her about it because I was too tired to go home and I was upset and so I was just like I'll see you in fifteen minutes and went anyways. I get there and she's not home which I didn't know because she wouldn't text me back and I was angry and was like well I'll sit here until you come out and talk because I'm tired and we need to talk about something anyways. Eventually I texted her friend who lives down the street and went over there and got a drink and asked her to talk to my ex and ask her to talk to me and so she told me she texted her but I don't know, then she tells me she wasn't home and that she had gone for a walk and so I was determined to talk to her so I asked her friend where she was and she told me where she usually walked and so I rode out there and was looking for her and texting her asking where she was and then finally I get a call and she's telling me it was a mistake to try and be friends and that she was done. Then her friend who's a bitch and never really liked me starts throughing out things like I was stalking her but come on, I think one time going over there is not stalking especially if you were just in a relationship, not to mention I think I was entitled to be a little upset and I was just angry that's all it was. But this was her best friend and she was mad at me so anything her best friend was saying I guess she took to heart and let her convince her of it. It's all bullshit. But like I said I'm stubborn as fuck and I'm not gonna let this shit go over something that stupid. And I definitely won't let it go until she actually has a conversation with me about it so we can talk things out. I'm so fucking tired of feeling this way and I want the girl I love back in my arms.
Thanks man,
But I'm not exactly legal yet and drinking with my friends usually involves some crazy party and I have been known to go out one night and not come home for another two when I get real upset. Not to mention when I did get upset after some argument with her I was never in the mood to talk to her when she would call after finding out I went out and so she would get worried when I wouldn't reply, which was mostly because I usually wasn't in any shape to talk to her and I didn't want her to see me like that. It was just a bad way that I used to deal with my emotions. I was also known for doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous but somehow never get hurt and that frightened her because she was worried about the day that I would get hurt and I guess I never realized what I was doing to her and never thought about how she would feel if we had an argument and I went out and got hurt so that is why I quit.
Thanks man,
But I'm not exactly legal yet and drinking with my friends usually involves some crazy party and I have been known to go out one night and not come home for another two when I get real upset. Not to mention when I did get upset after some argument with her I was never in the mood to talk to her when she would call after finding out I went out and so she would get worried when I wouldn't reply, which was mostly because I usually wasn't in any shape to talk to her and I didn't want her to see me like that. It was just a bad way that I used to deal with my emotions. I was also known for doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous but somehow never get hurt and that frightened her because she was worried about the day that I would get hurt and I guess I never realized what I was doing to her and never thought about how she would feel if we had an argument and I went out and got hurt so that is why I quit.
Thanks man,
But I'm not exactly legal yet and drinking with my friends usually involves some crazy party and I have been known to go out one night and not come home for another two when I get real upset. Not to mention when I did get upset after some argument with her I was never in the mood to talk to her when she would call after finding out I went out and so she would get worried when I wouldn't reply, which was mostly because I usually wasn't in any shape to talk to her and I didn't want her to see me like that. It was just a bad way that I used to deal with my emotions. I was also known for doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous but somehow never get hurt and that frightened her because she was worried about the day that I would get hurt and I guess I never realized what I was doing to her and never thought about how she would feel if we had an argument and I went out and got hurt so that is why I quit.
Thanks man,
But I'm not exactly legal yet and drinking with my friends usually involves some crazy party and I have been known to go out one night and not come home for another two when I get real upset. Not to mention when I did get upset after some argument with her I was never in the mood to talk to her when she would call after finding out I went out and so she would get worried when I wouldn't reply, which was mostly because I usually wasn't in any shape to talk to her and I didn't want her to see me like that. It was just a bad way that I used to deal with my emotions. I was also known for doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous but somehow never get hurt and that frightened her because she was worried about the day that I would get hurt and I guess I never realized what I was doing to her and never thought about how she would feel if we had an argument and I went out and got hurt so that is why I quit.
Thanks man,
But I'm not exactly legal yet and drinking with my friends usually involves some crazy party and I have been known to go out one night and not come home for another two when I get real upset. Not to mention when I did get upset after some argument with her I was never in the mood to talk to her when she would call after finding out I went out and so she would get worried when I wouldn't reply, which was mostly because I usually wasn't in any shape to talk to her and I didn't want her to see me like that. It was just a bad way that I used to deal with my emotions. I was also known for doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous but somehow never get hurt and that frightened her because she was worried about the day that I would get hurt and I guess I never realized what I was doing to her and never thought about how she would feel if we had an argument and I went out and got hurt so that is why I quit.
Go Zach! You got this!!
I feel like if she somehow saw everything I say on here then she would know everything and would be willing to talk things out. honestly I wish she would just somehow stumble onto this site and read every comment I ever posted. It would be really embarrassing yes but honestly I would go to school naked if that got her back. And I'm a very prideful person but pride isn't anything next to love. And god damn I love her with all my heart. It honestly makes me happy to make her happy and if it took me all day to get her to smile when she was having a bad day even only one single smile, it was worth it. Wow its been awhile since I've been drunk, again sorry guys I let you and her and most of all myself down. But love hurts.
Well I quit smoking weed, going to fights, drinking, and going to insane parties when I'm upset, I quit all of that to get better and because she hated it that I would go do those things when I was upset because she would get really worried and sometimes wouldn't even know where I was and couldn't find me. But today I fell of the wagon because I'm gonna finish this bottle of whiskey because I feel like there is a hole on my chest and a hole in my life and if she won't come back right now then I'll fill it with something. I'm sorry guys I failed everyone here that's been encouraging and I failed myself today but I'm just so tired. I guess tomorrow I start over.
That's the same here, after it happened I tried to give her time and after ten days I went to see her and she wouldn't even look at me, she just kept walking and eventually put her headphones in. I tried again after a week and I could tell things were loosening up because she talked to me a little, nothing good, just telling me that she's done with me. But at least she said something and gave me a couple glances as we were walking. It's been three weeks since then and because we don't use Facebook the only way for her to see improvements is in person, I just have to be careful and make sure she doesn't think whatever I'm doing has anything to do with her. I think the fact that she was being so withdrawn from me and shutting me out says that she still cares but is just angry and afraid and hurt. She had always done the same thing when we argued as friends, she would block my phone and try to shut me out when I would see her but I could always fix it after a couple days. But now I'm just gonna use her attraction to me to mess with her head so she is thinking about me.
My ex is is 10 years older than me and is very stubborn. He made it clear when we broke up and while we were together that there is no going backwards with him. I'm starting to just get over it. I broke no contact and even though he replied to all of my messages and was polite, I could still tell that he was still sticking to his decision. All I can do is let time tell.
Thanks Britt
I hope your right, she's almost as stubborn as me, only she puts too much emphasis on her emotions sometimes and that makes her rash and quick to a decision when she's not thinking clearly, and even if she knows she messed up, it's hard to convince her to go back on her decision when it's something as serious as a breakup. I'm not saying listening to how you feel is a bad thing but I believe that you should take a step back from the situation and think things threw and come to a conclusion halfway between logic and emotion. Which makes me kinda a hypocrit right now, 99% of the time I can do that just fine but because of my mood disorder when I get super upset I just act on impulse, it's never violent, I always maintain some level of control but not enough to think about how this is gonna help the situation. But I've spent my time wisely and fixed a lot of my issues so this is Zach 2.0 everyone!!!
I feel like if she somehow saw everything I say on here then she would know everything and would be willing to talk things out. honestly I wish she would just somehow stumble onto this site and read every comment I ever posted. It would be really embarrassing yes but honestly I would go to school naked if that got her back. And I'm a very prideful person but pride isn't anything next to love. And god damn I love her with all my heart. It honestly makes me happy to make her happy and if it took me all day to get her to smile when she was having a bad day even only one single smile, it was worth it. Wow its been awhile since I've been drunk, again sorry guys I let you and her and most of all myself down. But love hurts.
Well I quit smoking weed, going to fights, drinking, and going to insane parties when I'm upset, I quit all of that to get better and because she hated it that I would go do those things when I was upset because she would get really worried and sometimes wouldn't even know where I was and couldn't find me. But today I fell of the wagon because I'm gonna finish this bottle of whiskey because I feel like there is a hole on my chest and a hole in my life and if she won't come back right now then I'll fill it with something. I'm sorry guys I failed everyone here that's been encouraging and I failed myself today but I'm just so tired. I guess tomorrow I start over.
That's the same here, after it happened I tried to give her time and after ten days I went to see her and she wouldn't even look at me, she just kept walking and eventually put her headphones in. I tried again after a week and I could tell things were loosening up because she talked to me a little, nothing good, just telling me that she's done with me. But at least she said something and gave me a couple glances as we were walking. It's been three weeks since then and because we don't use Facebook the only way for her to see improvements is in person, I just have to be careful and make sure she doesn't think whatever I'm doing has anything to do with her. I think the fact that she was being so withdrawn from me and shutting me out says that she still cares but is just angry and afraid and hurt. She had always done the same thing when we argued as friends, she would block my phone and try to shut me out when I would see her but I could always fix it after a couple days. But now I'm just gonna use her attraction to me to mess with her head so she is thinking about me.
My ex is is 10 years older than me and is very stubborn. He made it clear when we broke up and while we were together that there is no going backwards with him. I'm starting to just get over it. I broke no contact and even though he replied to all of my messages and was polite, I could still tell that he was still sticking to his decision. All I can do is let time tell.
Thanks Britt
I hope your right, she's almost as stubborn as me, only she puts too much emphasis on her emotions sometimes and that makes her rash and quick to a decision when she's not thinking clearly, and even if she knows she messed up, it's hard to convince her to go back on her decision when it's something as serious as a breakup. I'm not saying listening to how you feel is a bad thing but I believe that you should take a step back from the situation and think things threw and come to a conclusion halfway between logic and emotion. Which makes me kinda a hypocrit right now, 99% of the time I can do that just fine but because of my mood disorder when I get super upset I just act on impulse, it's never violent, I always maintain some level of control but not enough to think about how this is gonna help the situation. But I've spent my time wisely and fixed a lot of my issues so this is Zach 2.0 everyone!!!
I feel like if she somehow saw everything I say on here then she would know everything and would be willing to talk things out. honestly I wish she would just somehow stumble onto this site and read every comment I ever posted. It would be really embarrassing yes but honestly I would go to school naked if that got her back. And I'm a very prideful person but pride isn't anything next to love. And god damn I love her with all my heart. It honestly makes me happy to make her happy and if it took me all day to get her to smile when she was having a bad day even only one single smile, it was worth it. Wow its been awhile since I've been drunk, again sorry guys I let you and her and most of all myself down. But love hurts.
Well I quit smoking weed, going to fights, drinking, and going to insane parties when I'm upset, I quit all of that to get better and because she hated it that I would go do those things when I was upset because she would get really worried and sometimes wouldn't even know where I was and couldn't find me. But today I fell of the wagon because I'm gonna finish this bottle of whiskey because I feel like there is a hole on my chest and a hole in my life and if she won't come back right now then I'll fill it with something. I'm sorry guys I failed everyone here that's been encouraging and I failed myself today but I'm just so tired. I guess tomorrow I start over.
That's the same here, after it happened I tried to give her time and after ten days I went to see her and she wouldn't even look at me, she just kept walking and eventually put her headphones in. I tried again after a week and I could tell things were loosening up because she talked to me a little, nothing good, just telling me that she's done with me. But at least she said something and gave me a couple glances as we were walking. It's been three weeks since then and because we don't use Facebook the only way for her to see improvements is in person, I just have to be careful and make sure she doesn't think whatever I'm doing has anything to do with her. I think the fact that she was being so withdrawn from me and shutting me out says that she still cares but is just angry and afraid and hurt. She had always done the same thing when we argued as friends, she would block my phone and try to shut me out when I would see her but I could always fix it after a couple days. But now I'm just gonna use her attraction to me to mess with her head so she is thinking about me.
My ex is is 10 years older than me and is very stubborn. He made it clear when we broke up and while we were together that there is no going backwards with him. I'm starting to just get over it. I broke no contact and even though he replied to all of my messages and was polite, I could still tell that he was still sticking to his decision. All I can do is let time tell.
Thanks Britt
I hope your right, she's almost as stubborn as me, only she puts too much emphasis on her emotions sometimes and that makes her rash and quick to a decision when she's not thinking clearly, and even if she knows she messed up, it's hard to convince her to go back on her decision when it's something as serious as a breakup. I'm not saying listening to how you feel is a bad thing but I believe that you should take a step back from the situation and think things threw and come to a conclusion halfway between logic and emotion. Which makes me kinda a hypocrit right now, 99% of the time I can do that just fine but because of my mood disorder when I get super upset I just act on impulse, it's never violent, I always maintain some level of control but not enough to think about how this is gonna help the situation. But I've spent my time wisely and fixed a lot of my issues so this is Zach 2.0 everyone!!!
I feel like if she somehow saw everything I say on here then she would know everything and would be willing to talk things out. honestly I wish she would just somehow stumble onto this site and read every comment I ever posted. It would be really embarrassing yes but honestly I would go to school naked if that got her back. And I'm a very prideful person but pride isn't anything next to love. And god damn I love her with all my heart. It honestly makes me happy to make her happy and if it took me all day to get her to smile when she was having a bad day even only one single smile, it was worth it. Wow its been awhile since I've been drunk, again sorry guys I let you and her and most of all myself down. But love hurts.
Well I quit smoking weed, going to fights, drinking, and going to insane parties when I'm upset, I quit all of that to get better and because she hated it that I would go do those things when I was upset because she would get really worried and sometimes wouldn't even know where I was and couldn't find me. But today I fell of the wagon because I'm gonna finish this bottle of whiskey because I feel like there is a hole on my chest and a hole in my life and if she won't come back right now then I'll fill it with something. I'm sorry guys I failed everyone here that's been encouraging and I failed myself today but I'm just so tired. I guess tomorrow I start over.
That's the same here, after it happened I tried to give her time and after ten days I went to see her and she wouldn't even look at me, she just kept walking and eventually put her headphones in. I tried again after a week and I could tell things were loosening up because she talked to me a little, nothing good, just telling me that she's done with me. But at least she said something and gave me a couple glances as we were walking. It's been three weeks since then and because we don't use Facebook the only way for her to see improvements is in person, I just have to be careful and make sure she doesn't think whatever I'm doing has anything to do with her. I think the fact that she was being so withdrawn from me and shutting me out says that she still cares but is just angry and afraid and hurt. She had always done the same thing when we argued as friends, she would block my phone and try to shut me out when I would see her but I could always fix it after a couple days. But now I'm just gonna use her attraction to me to mess with her head so she is thinking about me.
My ex is is 10 years older than me and is very stubborn. He made it clear when we broke up and while we were together that there is no going backwards with him. I'm starting to just get over it. I broke no contact and even though he replied to all of my messages and was polite, I could still tell that he was still sticking to his decision. All I can do is let time tell.
Thanks Britt
I hope your right, she's almost as stubborn as me, only she puts too much emphasis on her emotions sometimes and that makes her rash and quick to a decision when she's not thinking clearly, and even if she knows she messed up, it's hard to convince her to go back on her decision when it's something as serious as a breakup. I'm not saying listening to how you feel is a bad thing but I believe that you should take a step back from the situation and think things threw and come to a conclusion halfway between logic and emotion. Which makes me kinda a hypocrit right now, 99% of the time I can do that just fine but because of my mood disorder when I get super upset I just act on impulse, it's never violent, I always maintain some level of control but not enough to think about how this is gonna help the situation. But I've spent my time wisely and fixed a lot of my issues so this is Zach 2.0 everyone!!!
I feel like if she somehow saw everything I say on here then she would know everything and would be willing to talk things out. honestly I wish she would just somehow stumble onto this site and read every comment I ever posted. It would be really embarrassing yes but honestly I would go to school naked if that got her back. And I'm a very prideful person but pride isn't anything next to love. And god damn I love her with all my heart. It honestly makes me happy to make her happy and if it took me all day to get her to smile when she was having a bad day even only one single smile, it was worth it. Wow its been awhile since I've been drunk, again sorry guys I let you and her and most of all myself down. But love hurts.
Well I quit smoking weed, going to fights, drinking, and going to insane parties when I'm upset, I quit all of that to get better and because she hated it that I would go do those things when I was upset because she would get really worried and sometimes wouldn't even know where I was and couldn't find me. But today I fell of the wagon because I'm gonna finish this bottle of whiskey because I feel like there is a hole on my chest and a hole in my life and if she won't come back right now then I'll fill it with something. I'm sorry guys I failed everyone here that's been encouraging and I failed myself today but I'm just so tired. I guess tomorrow I start over.
That's the same here, after it happened I tried to give her time and after ten days I went to see her and she wouldn't even look at me, she just kept walking and eventually put her headphones in. I tried again after a week and I could tell things were loosening up because she talked to me a little, nothing good, just telling me that she's done with me. But at least she said something and gave me a couple glances as we were walking. It's been three weeks since then and because we don't use Facebook the only way for her to see improvements is in person, I just have to be careful and make sure she doesn't think whatever I'm doing has anything to do with her. I think the fact that she was being so withdrawn from me and shutting me out says that she still cares but is just angry and afraid and hurt. She had always done the same thing when we argued as friends, she would block my phone and try to shut me out when I would see her but I could always fix it after a couple days. But now I'm just gonna use her attraction to me to mess with her head so she is thinking about me.
My ex is is 10 years older than me and is very stubborn. He made it clear when we broke up and while we were together that there is no going backwards with him. I'm starting to just get over it. I broke no contact and even though he replied to all of my messages and was polite, I could still tell that he was still sticking to his decision. All I can do is let time tell.
Thanks Britt
I hope your right, she's almost as stubborn as me, only she puts too much emphasis on her emotions sometimes and that makes her rash and quick to a decision when she's not thinking clearly, and even if she knows she messed up, it's hard to convince her to go back on her decision when it's something as serious as a breakup. I'm not saying listening to how you feel is a bad thing but I believe that you should take a step back from the situation and think things threw and come to a conclusion halfway between logic and emotion. Which makes me kinda a hypocrit right now, 99% of the time I can do that just fine but because of my mood disorder when I get super upset I just act on impulse, it's never violent, I always maintain some level of control but not enough to think about how this is gonna help the situation. But I've spent my time wisely and fixed a lot of my issues so this is Zach 2.0 everyone!!!
Zach,
It's okay if you fall short of improving yourself and is enjoying a bottle of whiskey now. I, myself, fall short at times because come on, we can't perfect it this first time. What matters is you keep on improving. At times, i feel also a hole in my heart and my life and my stomach lurches, and I'm back on grieving again. But then, who doesn't? It's just a normal feeling, I guess. There will always be that empty hole inside of you and if you expect people or her to fill it up for you, then you're gonna have a bad time. It might be hard but you have to fill that gaping hole yourself. And once you're complete again, youcan impress her without pretentions because you can be proud you did it yourself. At times when you feel down and alone and lonely, think of us: Rihanna, Britt, Me, Kevin and everyone else on this page.
Because we are all in this together, right?
RAED
Hey! Congrats man on your Zach 2.0!
Go Zach and I'm very happy for you... Thanks for your message it helped me heaps, I hope I'm as tough as you but I need lots of support as I'm feeling like I'm sinking into depression and I feel sick all the time... I moved to the country and I miss the big city although the city will remind me of him... we didn't have a fight he just fell ill and depressed so we parted... a good question to ask: from which day do I count NC, from the day he answered my text or from the day I stopped bombarding him with text messages which he ignored? thanks heaps xx
Zach. Its okay to drink every once in a while. I suggest you drink with your friends because in my case, i get to have fun that way. Imagine the happiness drinking with your friends. You are noisy, you dont give a fuck about the world, you feel confident around them, and you really are having FUN. just try to avoid talking about your ex.
Goodluck!
It didn't go as I had hoped it would, by the time she got to where I was, most of my friends had to go already so it was just me and my buddy and we had to walk past her and when she saw me I guess she thought I was gonna try to talk to her because she looked as if she was gonna get a little irritated and that hurt. I think I know why, the day we had our fight we had planned to hang out after her study hall but earlier that day we had a little argue ment thing and she was a little angry and so when I asked her if she still wanted me to go up there to see me she said not really. I ended up going up there anyways because I took some bad advice from a mutual friend who said she actually wanted to see me. So I rode my bike 8 miles up and down hills because I didn't have my car, I get there just in time for her to tell me study hall was canceled and she had already told her dad so he would expect her home, I was frustrated and she was mad at me for coming, but I was so tired and exhausted and my lungs were on fire and I knew there was no way I would be a ble to ride home especially with the problem I had with my lungs a couple years earlier and they haven't been the same since. So I asked her and asked her if she would call him back and let him no she actually did have study hall so at least it wasn't for nothing, but she wouldn't. I was already really upset because the day before she had had a really bad day and the stress got to her and she told me she wanted us to take a break and she was really upset when she told me that and it was over the phone and when I tried to talk to her about it she said some mean things so I would drop it because she was having a hard enough time as it was. So I was upset and now I was frustrated at her and pissed at my mutual friend who told me to go up there, and as I mentioned before how sometimes I could lose it, well I did, she got a ride home from her friend and I was tired and her place was on my way home so I texted her and told her I was gonna stop by her place so I could see her for a bit and get a little break before going home and she was said no and I argued with her about it because I was too tired to go home and I was upset and so I was just like I'll see you in fifteen minutes and went anyways. I get there and she's not home which I didn't know because she wouldn't text me back and I was angry and was like well I'll sit here until you come out and talk because I'm tired and we need to talk about something anyways. Eventually I texted her friend who lives down the street and went over there and got a drink and asked her to talk to my ex and ask her to talk to me and so she told me she texted her but I don't know, then she tells me she wasn't home and that she had gone for a walk and so I was determined to talk to her so I asked her friend where she was and she told me where she usually walked and so I rode out there and was looking for her and texting her asking where she was and then finally I get a call and she's telling me it was a mistake to try and be friends and that she was done. Then her friend who's a bitch and never really liked me starts throughing out things like I was stalking her but come on, I think one time going over there is not stalking especially if you were just in a relationship, not to mention I think I was entitled to be a little upset and I was just angry that's all it was. But this was her best friend and she was mad at me so anything her best friend was saying I guess she took to heart and let her convince her of it. It's all bullshit. But like I said I'm stubborn as fuck and I'm not gonna let this shit go over something that stupid. And I definitely won't let it go until she actually has a conversation with me about it so we can talk things out. I'm so fucking tired of feeling this way and I want the girl I love back in my arms.
Go Zach! You got this!!
Zach,
It's okay if you fall short of improving yourself and is enjoying a bottle of whiskey now. I, myself, fall short at times because come on, we can't perfect it this first time. What matters is you keep on improving. At times, i feel also a hole in my heart and my life and my stomach lurches, and I'm back on grieving again. But then, who doesn't? It's just a normal feeling, I guess. There will always be that empty hole inside of you and if you expect people or her to fill it up for you, then you're gonna have a bad time. It might be hard but you have to fill that gaping hole yourself. And once you're complete again, youcan impress her without pretentions because you can be proud you did it yourself. At times when you feel down and alone and lonely, think of us: Rihanna, Britt, Me, Kevin and everyone else on this page.
Because we are all in this together, right?
RAED
Hey! Congrats man on your Zach 2.0!
Go Zach and I'm very happy for you... Thanks for your message it helped me heaps, I hope I'm as tough as you but I need lots of support as I'm feeling like I'm sinking into depression and I feel sick all the time... I moved to the country and I miss the big city although the city will remind me of him... we didn't have a fight he just fell ill and depressed so we parted... a good question to ask: from which day do I count NC, from the day he answered my text or from the day I stopped bombarding him with text messages which he ignored? thanks heaps xx
Zach. Its okay to drink every once in a while. I suggest you drink with your friends because in my case, i get to have fun that way. Imagine the happiness drinking with your friends. You are noisy, you dont give a fuck about the world, you feel confident around them, and you really are having FUN. just try to avoid talking about your ex.
Goodluck!
It didn't go as I had hoped it would, by the time she got to where I was, most of my friends had to go already so it was just me and my buddy and we had to walk past her and when she saw me I guess she thought I was gonna try to talk to her because she looked as if she was gonna get a little irritated and that hurt. I think I know why, the day we had our fight we had planned to hang out after her study hall but earlier that day we had a little argue ment thing and she was a little angry and so when I asked her if she still wanted me to go up there to see me she said not really. I ended up going up there anyways because I took some bad advice from a mutual friend who said she actually wanted to see me. So I rode my bike 8 miles up and down hills because I didn't have my car, I get there just in time for her to tell me study hall was canceled and she had already told her dad so he would expect her home, I was frustrated and she was mad at me for coming, but I was so tired and exhausted and my lungs were on fire and I knew there was no way I would be a ble to ride home especially with the problem I had with my lungs a couple years earlier and they haven't been the same since. So I asked her and asked her if she would call him back and let him no she actually did have study hall so at least it wasn't for nothing, but she wouldn't. I was already really upset because the day before she had had a really bad day and the stress got to her and she told me she wanted us to take a break and she was really upset when she told me that and it was over the phone and when I tried to talk to her about it she said some mean things so I would drop it because she was having a hard enough time as it was. So I was upset and now I was frustrated at her and pissed at my mutual friend who told me to go up there, and as I mentioned before how sometimes I could lose it, well I did, she got a ride home from her friend and I was tired and her place was on my way home so I texted her and told her I was gonna stop by her place so I could see her for a bit and get a little break before going home and she was said no and I argued with her about it because I was too tired to go home and I was upset and so I was just like I'll see you in fifteen minutes and went anyways. I get there and she's not home which I didn't know because she wouldn't text me back and I was angry and was like well I'll sit here until you come out and talk because I'm tired and we need to talk about something anyways. Eventually I texted her friend who lives down the street and went over there and got a drink and asked her to talk to my ex and ask her to talk to me and so she told me she texted her but I don't know, then she tells me she wasn't home and that she had gone for a walk and so I was determined to talk to her so I asked her friend where she was and she told me where she usually walked and so I rode out there and was looking for her and texting her asking where she was and then finally I get a call and she's telling me it was a mistake to try and be friends and that she was done. Then her friend who's a bitch and never really liked me starts throughing out things like I was stalking her but come on, I think one time going over there is not stalking especially if you were just in a relationship, not to mention I think I was entitled to be a little upset and I was just angry that's all it was. But this was her best friend and she was mad at me so anything her best friend was saying I guess she took to heart and let her convince her of it. It's all bullshit. But like I said I'm stubborn as fuck and I'm not gonna let this shit go over something that stupid. And I definitely won't let it go until she actually has a conversation with me about it so we can talk things out. I'm so fucking tired of feeling this way and I want the girl I love back in my arms.
Go Zach! You got this!!
Zach,
It's okay if you fall short of improving yourself and is enjoying a bottle of whiskey now. I, myself, fall short at times because come on, we can't perfect it this first time. What matters is you keep on improving. At times, i feel also a hole in my heart and my life and my stomach lurches, and I'm back on grieving again. But then, who doesn't? It's just a normal feeling, I guess. There will always be that empty hole inside of you and if you expect people or her to fill it up for you, then you're gonna have a bad time. It might be hard but you have to fill that gaping hole yourself. And once you're complete again, youcan impress her without pretentions because you can be proud you did it yourself. At times when you feel down and alone and lonely, think of us: Rihanna, Britt, Me, Kevin and everyone else on this page.
Because we are all in this together, right?
RAED
Hey! Congrats man on your Zach 2.0!
Go Zach and I'm very happy for you... Thanks for your message it helped me heaps, I hope I'm as tough as you but I need lots of support as I'm feeling like I'm sinking into depression and I feel sick all the time... I moved to the country and I miss the big city although the city will remind me of him... we didn't have a fight he just fell ill and depressed so we parted... a good question to ask: from which day do I count NC, from the day he answered my text or from the day I stopped bombarding him with text messages which he ignored? thanks heaps xx
Zach. Its okay to drink every once in a while. I suggest you drink with your friends because in my case, i get to have fun that way. Imagine the happiness drinking with your friends. You are noisy, you dont give a fuck about the world, you feel confident around them, and you really are having FUN. just try to avoid talking about your ex.
Goodluck!
It didn't go as I had hoped it would, by the time she got to where I was, most of my friends had to go already so it was just me and my buddy and we had to walk past her and when she saw me I guess she thought I was gonna try to talk to her because she looked as if she was gonna get a little irritated and that hurt. I think I know why, the day we had our fight we had planned to hang out after her study hall but earlier that day we had a little argue ment thing and she was a little angry and so when I asked her if she still wanted me to go up there to see me she said not really. I ended up going up there anyways because I took some bad advice from a mutual friend who said she actually wanted to see me. So I rode my bike 8 miles up and down hills because I didn't have my car, I get there just in time for her to tell me study hall was canceled and she had already told her dad so he would expect her home, I was frustrated and she was mad at me for coming, but I was so tired and exhausted and my lungs were on fire and I knew there was no way I would be a ble to ride home especially with the problem I had with my lungs a couple years earlier and they haven't been the same since. So I asked her and asked her if she would call him back and let him no she actually did have study hall so at least it wasn't for nothing, but she wouldn't. I was already really upset because the day before she had had a really bad day and the stress got to her and she told me she wanted us to take a break and she was really upset when she told me that and it was over the phone and when I tried to talk to her about it she said some mean things so I would drop it because she was having a hard enough time as it was. So I was upset and now I was frustrated at her and pissed at my mutual friend who told me to go up there, and as I mentioned before how sometimes I could lose it, well I did, she got a ride home from her friend and I was tired and her place was on my way home so I texted her and told her I was gonna stop by her place so I could see her for a bit and get a little break before going home and she was said no and I argued with her about it because I was too tired to go home and I was upset and so I was just like I'll see you in fifteen minutes and went anyways. I get there and she's not home which I didn't know because she wouldn't text me back and I was angry and was like well I'll sit here until you come out and talk because I'm tired and we need to talk about something anyways. Eventually I texted her friend who lives down the street and went over there and got a drink and asked her to talk to my ex and ask her to talk to me and so she told me she texted her but I don't know, then she tells me she wasn't home and that she had gone for a walk and so I was determined to talk to her so I asked her friend where she was and she told me where she usually walked and so I rode out there and was looking for her and texting her asking where she was and then finally I get a call and she's telling me it was a mistake to try and be friends and that she was done. Then her friend who's a bitch and never really liked me starts throughing out things like I was stalking her but come on, I think one time going over there is not stalking especially if you were just in a relationship, not to mention I think I was entitled to be a little upset and I was just angry that's all it was. But this was her best friend and she was mad at me so anything her best friend was saying I guess she took to heart and let her convince her of it. It's all bullshit. But like I said I'm stubborn as fuck and I'm not gonna let this shit go over something that stupid. And I definitely won't let it go until she actually has a conversation with me about it so we can talk things out. I'm so fucking tired of feeling this way and I want the girl I love back in my arms.
Go Zach! You got this!!
Hi Rihanna,
It's day 36 for me. It was really tough for me for the first few weeks and because I have bipolar it was bad enough I didn't leave my house for a week and a half. You sit around and everything you see reminds you of them. I can say that it doesn't so much as get better but instead you just learn to deal with it better, the amount of time you spend feeling aweful after you see something that reminds you of them gets shorter. My advice is to find something distracting, I spent most of my time watching movies and tv, must have watched two hundred episodes and probably thirty movies in the first three weeks. And I also learned really fast after the first time I went out and did something that it helps a lot even if you are just going out, go to a bar talk to some new people. I found that working helped me out as well, I never really did before but now I have the benefits of looking good and the endorphins that promote happiness being released. Find something you have always wanted to learn and do it. I'm learning how to dance hip hop such as tutting. It's all about will power, get through this and just keep telling yourself this is how you get them back, if they are important enough to you, then a month of living in hell is worth it. Today I see her for the first time, I have no intention of talking to her but instead just let her see me hanging with my friends and not even acknowledging her presence. I'm gonna let her see me looking good and having a great time. When she sees me being that cocky and confident guy I was when we met and when we were solid in our relationship, I have a pretty good feeling she want be able to ignore me, especially of she sees that I'm ignoring her presence. You can get through this Rihanna, just take one day at a time and remember why your doing this. Good luck!!!
Hi Rihanna,
It's day 36 for me. It was really tough for me for the first few weeks and because I have bipolar it was bad enough I didn't leave my house for a week and a half. You sit around and everything you see reminds you of them. I can say that it doesn't so much as get better but instead you just learn to deal with it better, the amount of time you spend feeling aweful after you see something that reminds you of them gets shorter. My advice is to find something distracting, I spent most of my time watching movies and tv, must have watched two hundred episodes and probably thirty movies in the first three weeks. And I also learned really fast after the first time I went out and did something that it helps a lot even if you are just going out, go to a bar talk to some new people. I found that working helped me out as well, I never really did before but now I have the benefits of looking good and the endorphins that promote happiness being released. Find something you have always wanted to learn and do it. I'm learning how to dance hip hop such as tutting. It's all about will power, get through this and just keep telling yourself this is how you get them back, if they are important enough to you, then a month of living in hell is worth it. Today I see her for the first time, I have no intention of talking to her but instead just let her see me hanging with my friends and not even acknowledging her presence. I'm gonna let her see me looking good and having a great time. When she sees me being that cocky and confident guy I was when we met and when we were solid in our relationship, I have a pretty good feeling she want be able to ignore me, especially of she sees that I'm ignoring her presence. You can get through this Rihanna, just take one day at a time and remember why your doing this. Good luck!!!
Hi Zach, my situation is bit different but I agree that talking to each other may help... I'm in my first week of NC and finding it very difficult to cope... I haven't gone anywhere cos I moved cities and everything is new here and don't have a job to go to yet etc... I hope you're coping better than me at this stage, Rihanna, age 30
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I have been in an on and off relationship for 4 and a half years. He has broken up with me 4 times already and he always says he is not as happy as he should, and he just feels breaking up is the best idea. He always tells me he does not know why he feels that way since I am so sweet and good to him but he breaks up with me anyway. Somehow, we always manage to work it out and get back together for 6-12 months and then he does the same thing again. Even though all this has happened I still have hope that he will come back and want me forever. Do you think that your tips will work even if we have split so many times? what do you recommend? he broke up with me yesterday.
Thanks!!
Hey Stephanie,
You can probably get him back by following the plan. But unless you understand the root of the problem, you will never be able to keep him permanently. In my opinion, if things didn't work the past 4 times, it won't work out anymore.
Hey Stephanie,
You can probably get him back by following the plan. But unless you understand the root of the problem, you will never be able to keep him permanently. In my opinion, if things didn't work the past 4 times, it won't work out anymore.
Can you please delete my part of this thread. We have worked everything out and are officially back together. I do not want anyone to see this. Thank you...
I've deleted all but this one. I wish you happiness, love and success in your relationship and in your life. Cheers!
I still receive your email thread and all your advice has truly helped in mending my relationship. You are wonderful!
I still receive your email thread and all your advice has truly helped in mending my relationship. You are wonderful!
I still receive your email thread and all your advice has truly helped in mending my relationship. You are wonderful!
I've deleted all but this one. I wish you happiness, love and success in your relationship and in your life. Cheers!
I'm a 17 year old in desperate need of some help. My ex who is 19 broke up with me a week ago. It wasn't because I did anything to him, it was because he has a lot of doubts and is scared that he's going to spend 5 years in a relationship with me and miss out on opportunities with other girls or other things in his life. Everyone seems to want the "How do I know if this relationship will last? Is he worth my time? Is he the one I'm supposed to be with?" answers. I'm scared that he's going to be stuck in doubt. He wants to not wait 5 years for marriage. I personally don't care that we wait 5 years. I can see my life with him in it and i would love those 5 years spent with him. We get along so great. We have a blast together. We are both dorky and goofy and isn't afraid to be each other when we are together. I love him. I get that I will need to give him space. For both the of us. This past week we have tried to be "just friends" but how do you be "just friends" with the guy you love? I think I only wanted to be friends because I wanted to hold onto him, but by doing that I'm giving myself false hope and I'm not giving us time to really miss each other. Or heal from the relationship. My biggest problem is church. We go to a SUPER small church of maybe 15 people & his family takes me every week. I don't want to stop going to this church, so how do I make that work for the no contact period? I'm in need of some help please...
Hey,
Whenever you see him in the church, treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Keep the conversation short. Don't talk about anything personal. Be cordial and happy.
Hey,
Whenever you see him in the church, treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Keep the conversation short. Don't talk about anything personal. Be cordial and happy.
Hi. I submitted an other question but it isn't showing..?
It's here.
It's here.
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. Of course everyone is saying do not contact him and move on. However, our relationship has been great. He was overseas as a contractor for 4 months and the last month he was there, his company lost his contract and he had to come home and has not been able to find a job ever since. He admitted to be depressed about the job situation. We literally went every day talking and such and then to barely talking when he came home which caused me to send long drawn out emotional text messages and appear needy which I am not. He recently left to go to work in another for a bit and that's when he ended it. He has told me a few times he needs space but has always broken that space by taking me out and such. I'm not sure what to do and it's weird that I don't feel like this is a total loss. A huge part of me and I guess my intuition tells me this is just a break for him to get his life back together. I don't know and I don't want to make excuses.
Hey Red,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Red,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
I've wrote to you before about my ex. I was doing NC....made it to day 8 and had a horrible relapse just now. I texted him once, then called him twice, then texted him one more time. He didn't answer. So I messed that up pretty bad. And now there is probably no hope at all. I just think it's cruel for him to do this, he broke up with me and doesn't say ANYTHING!! At this point I'm pretty certain it's over on his end or he would have replied in some manner. Maybe he blocked me so he didn't get my messages/ calls. I don't know. Either way, this is completely shitty and the feeling it has left me with is horrible.
Hey Natalie,
You should start no contact again. Increase no contact to 45 days. After 45 days, send him the letter mentioned in this article. If still he doesn't reply, send him the text mentioned in the article after a couple of weeks. If still no reply, then you can be sure that it's over.
Hey Kevin,
What do you think could be his reasons behind not replying...is he pissed that I'm still messaging him? Is he using NC on me to get over me? Possibly another girl...ugh. I hate when my mind runs wild.
It's hard to say. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned.
Hey Kevin,
I just found out today that my ex had met another girl at his church a month before he broke up with me, and that fueled his decision to leave. Ouch. She's apparently funny and blahblahblah. Basically, it's easier because she lives where he does, and I'm 3+ hours away. They hang out alot. I just don't see how a guy can leave a girl he truly loves and hops into another relationship like what we had didn't even matter. Pretty shitty. Looks to me like the chances of us getting back together are pretty slim...what do you think?
There's a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn't leave you for her. It just fueled his decision.
There's a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn't leave you for her. It just fueled his decision.
There's a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn't leave you for her. It just fueled his decision.
There's a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn't leave you for her. It just fueled his decision.
There's a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn't leave you for her. It just fueled his decision.
There's a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn't leave you for her. It just fueled his decision.
Hey Kevin,
I just found out today that my ex had met another girl at his church a month before he broke up with me, and that fueled his decision to leave. Ouch. She's apparently funny and blahblahblah. Basically, it's easier because she lives where he does, and I'm 3+ hours away. They hang out alot. I just don't see how a guy can leave a girl he truly loves and hops into another relationship like what we had didn't even matter. Pretty shitty. Looks to me like the chances of us getting back together are pretty slim...what do you think?
Hey Kevin,
I just found out today that my ex had met another girl at his church a month before he broke up with me, and that fueled his decision to leave. Ouch. She's apparently funny and blahblahblah. Basically, it's easier because she lives where he does, and I'm 3+ hours away. They hang out alot. I just don't see how a guy can leave a girl he truly loves and hops into another relationship like what we had didn't even matter. Pretty shitty. Looks to me like the chances of us getting back together are pretty slim...what do you think?
Hey Kevin,
I just found out today that my ex had met another girl at his church a month before he broke up with me, and that fueled his decision to leave. Ouch. She's apparently funny and blahblahblah. Basically, it's easier because she lives where he does, and I'm 3+ hours away. They hang out alot. I just don't see how a guy can leave a girl he truly loves and hops into another relationship like what we had didn't even matter. Pretty shitty. Looks to me like the chances of us getting back together are pretty slim...what do you think?
Hey Kevin,
I just found out today that my ex had met another girl at his church a month before he broke up with me, and that fueled his decision to leave. Ouch. She's apparently funny and blahblahblah. Basically, it's easier because she lives where he does, and I'm 3+ hours away. They hang out alot. I just don't see how a guy can leave a girl he truly loves and hops into another relationship like what we had didn't even matter. Pretty shitty. Looks to me like the chances of us getting back together are pretty slim...what do you think?
It's hard to say. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned.
It's hard to say. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned.
It's hard to say. It could be any of the reasons you mentioned.
Hey Kevin,
What do you think could be his reasons behind not replying...is he pissed that I'm still messaging him? Is he using NC on me to get over me? Possibly another girl...ugh. I hate when my mind runs wild.
Hey Kevin,
What do you think could be his reasons behind not replying...is he pissed that I'm still messaging him? Is he using NC on me to get over me? Possibly another girl...ugh. I hate when my mind runs wild.
Hey Natalie,
You should start no contact again. Increase no contact to 45 days. After 45 days, send him the letter mentioned in this article. If still he doesn't reply, send him the text mentioned in the article after a couple of weeks. If still no reply, then you can be sure that it's over.
Okay well I didn't read this till now. Which is after I've texted him. But I have done everything well, all the steps, but I'm stuck on the reconnecting part. I texted him saying I was sorry and he seemed to be interested in talking. But after a couple days of us texting each other he didn't reply. I must add that the last conversations we had, like many, ended awkwardly. He's just an awkward guy... So I'm not sure as to what I should do. Wether or not I should text him back first? Maybe mentioning a band I know he like? (By the way our "no contact period" lasted about 4 months. We both got into relationships, his lasting 3 days, mine about a month)
Text him again after a week. If the conversation goes well, ask him out.
Text him again after a week. If the conversation goes well, ask him out.
My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me a week ago. We are both at a point in our life where we want to settle down and start our own life/family. I'm 29 and he's 27. Of course everyone is saying do not contact him and move on. I've been doing NC for 8 days now. Our relationship never really had any major problems. Things are always great when we are together. He was overseas as a contractor for 4 months and the last month he was there, his company lost his contract and he had to come home and has not been able to find a job ever since. He admitted to be depressed about the job situation. We literally went every day talking and such and then to barely talking when he came home which caused me to send long drawn out emotional text messages and appear needy which I am not. He recently left to go to work in another for a bit and that’s when he ended it. He has told me a few times he needs space but has always broken that space by taking me out and such and then blows up at me when I have an emotional response. I truly love this person and don’t want to give up but it is killing me that I have not heard anything from him. I’m not sure what to do and it’s weird that I don’t feel like this is a total loss. A huge part of me and I guess my intuition tells me this is just a break for him to get his life back together. I don’t know and I don’t want to make excuses.
Also to add to this, he made many promises about how much he loved me, was in love, couldn’t wait to start a life, etc. Then as soon as his company lost their contract. He backed off. It hasn’t made sense and now it’s over and I don’t want it to be. I don't know what to do and do not want to make things worse, yet I do not want to lose him completely.
he sounds like a clown.
Hey Whit,
Like I said in your other comment, start no contact and follow the 5 step plan. That's your best bet.
Thanks. This is Day 10 of no contact. I'm hoping I'll hear from him when he comes home. He's been going since the beginning of May to work in another state so basically my hands are tied anyway and it's really annoying to have friends and family say move on when they weren't in the relationship :(
Thanks. This is Day 10 of no contact. I'm hoping I'll hear from him when he comes home. He's been going since the beginning of May to work in another state so basically my hands are tied anyway and it's really annoying to have friends and family say move on when they weren't in the relationship :(
Thanks. This is Day 10 of no contact. I'm hoping I'll hear from him when he comes home. He's been going since the beginning of May to work in another state so basically my hands are tied anyway and it's really annoying to have friends and family say move on when they weren't in the relationship :(
he sounds like a clown.
Hey Whit,
Like I said in your other comment, start no contact and follow the 5 step plan. That's your best bet.
Hi kelvin my situation is unusual I dated this guy over twenty years ago but I can't let him go.he we dated for five months it seemed as if I knew him all my life.we had some nice times together we would talk on the phone until after midnight sometimes.I made the mistake of telling him that I loved. Him I think because soon after he broke up with me he stopped calling and he stopped coming to my house.I was so hurt I tried taking to him he wouldn't talk to me I tried to see him he didn't want to see me.I was so hurt I would cry myself to sleep I wanted the pain to stop whoever said the best way to get over a relation is to start another is so wrong,although I love my daughter her daddy was a rebound.after I had my baby my ex reach out to me to see if she was his I thought he wanted to get back with mei found out he was having a child with someone else his child is two years younger than mines during our relationship he had asked me to have his child.long story short I married my daughter dad and had another child I always wanted a family and get married.my ex have been talking to a mutual. friend about me telling him bout the fun we use to have and he should have married me.my husband was there for me when my ex dumped me but he is a mental abuser and he's cheated on me so many times I don't think I have ever been in love with him but I always tried to make my marriage work but I'm going to get a divorce I have never gotten over my ex .do you think theres a chance of telling us making our way back to each other.if not please help me be able to let him go.my love for him after over twenty years has never left.I called him a couple Time he won't talk long or he will make excuse to get off the phone but he talked about some good memories of us.the first contact I told him he broke my heart please help.I still love him and probably always will.my ex is fiftyfour and I'm forty nine
Hey Marilyn,
It's good that you are going through with the divorce. Once it's over, get back in touch with your ex. If he's single and still interested, he will respond. If he is not available, then apply no contact and start trying to move on.
Hi , me and my child’s father broke up about 6 months ago. We had a really nasty break up . Our relationship had gone down hill when he had to go away for a while and people began to tell him things that I was doing while he was away for a year and a half . We have a child together that is 2 and we both miss him . He has cheated on me and I’ve cheated on him . But I really want so be with him . The problem is after breaking up he was mad about my selection in guys and the things i was doing while we were broken up . But he feels it’s ok for him to date because he is a man . He blames me for everything . I admit i have a bad attitude . And i say really mean things when we argue . We broke up due to the fighting and arguing . I’ve been texting and begging for him back but it’s no good . He’s now dating a new girl and he says he really likes her . And he doesn’t want to be with me and he’s not attracted to me . Sometimes he says let’s be cool and maybe who know what the future holds ... but he doesn’t really show he is trying . He doesn’t call or text me unless it’s about our child . He acts as if he doesn’t care . I’m very sad and miserable and he knows it and he’s so happy withOut me. What should I do ? Do I have a chance . ? It’s so hard trying to be his friend because I think he’s going to not come back and stay with the new girl.
Hi Anne,
Since he is already with another girl, it may be a good idea to not do anything for the time being as you don't want to be the one who interferes with his relationship and he ends up resenting you for it. If you find it hard to be his friend right now because your emotions are negatively affected, don't force yourself to.
Hi Anne,
Since he is already with another girl, it may be a good idea to not do anything for the time being as you don't want to be the one who interferes with his relationship and he ends up resenting you for it. If you find it hard to be his friend right now because your emotions are negatively affected, don't force yourself to.
Hi Anne,
Since he is already with another girl, it may be a good idea to not do anything for the time being as you don't want to be the one who interferes with his relationship and he ends up resenting you for it. If you find it hard to be his friend right now because your emotions are negatively affected, don't force yourself to.
Hi Anne,
Since he is already with another girl, it may be a good idea to not do anything for the time being as you don't want to be the one who interferes with his relationship and he ends up resenting you for it. If you find it hard to be his friend right now because your emotions are negatively affected, don't force yourself to.
Hi , me and my child’s father broke up about 6 months ago. We had a really nasty break up . Our relationship had gone down hill when he had to go away for a while and people began to tell him things that I was doing while he was away for a year and a half . We have a child together that is 2 and we both miss him . He has cheated on me and I’ve cheated on him . But I really want so be with him . The problem is after breaking up he was mad about my selection in guys and the things i was doing while we were broken up . But he feels it’s ok for him to date because he is a man . He blames me for everything . I admit i have a bad attitude . And i say really mean things when we argue . We broke up due to the fighting and arguing . I’ve been texting and begging for him back but it’s no good . He’s now dating a new girl and he says he really likes her . And he doesn’t want to be with me and he’s not attracted to me . Sometimes he says let’s be cool and maybe who know what the future holds ... but he doesn’t really show he is trying . He doesn’t call or text me unless it’s about our child . He acts as if he doesn’t care . I’m very sad and miserable and he knows it and he’s so happy withOut me. What should I do ? Do I have a chance . ? It’s so hard trying to be his friend because I think he’s going to not come back and stay with the new girl.
Hi , me and my child’s father broke up about 6 months ago. We had a really nasty break up . Our relationship had gone down hill when he had to go away for a while and people began to tell him things that I was doing while he was away for a year and a half . We have a child together that is 2 and we both miss him . He has cheated on me and I’ve cheated on him . But I really want so be with him . The problem is after breaking up he was mad about my selection in guys and the things i was doing while we were broken up . But he feels it’s ok for him to date because he is a man . He blames me for everything . I admit i have a bad attitude . And i say really mean things when we argue . We broke up due to the fighting and arguing . I’ve been texting and begging for him back but it’s no good . He’s now dating a new girl and he says he really likes her . And he doesn’t want to be with me and he’s not attracted to me . Sometimes he says let’s be cool and maybe who know what the future holds ... but he doesn’t really show he is trying . He doesn’t call or text me unless it’s about our child . He acts as if he doesn’t care . I’m very sad and miserable and he knows it and he’s so happy withOut me. What should I do ? Do I have a chance . ? It’s so hard trying to be his friend because I think he’s going to not come back and stay with the new girl.
Hey Marilyn,
It's good that you are going through with the divorce. Once it's over, get back in touch with your ex. If he's single and still interested, he will respond. If he is not available, then apply no contact and start trying to move on.
I was with a guy for 8 months and attend school with him. We were doing great. He explained to me that his ex was very emotionally abusive and got crazy and tried to fight a lot but they were together for 10+years and had split 3-4yrs ago. At the end of month 8 he asked to take a break because there was a lot going on in his personal life and I politely gave him what was asked and then 3weeks later he said he was going to try to work it out with his ex mainly for the kids. Now we still each other daily and he attempts to speak to me and I catch him staring quite a bit. What do I do,I beg someone give me some input?,
Hey Charlie,
If he wants to work things out with his ex, your chances are slim. You should try to move on. Ignore him at school and tell him that you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone.
Hey Charlie,
If he wants to work things out with his ex, your chances are slim. You should try to move on. Ignore him at school and tell him that you need space and time and you'll appreciate it if he leaves you alone.
I didnt talk to him for three weeks.. I was fine. I wentbon dates. Then he messages me saying he has "mixed feelings". He "misses me but doesn't". I say "okay thank you for your honesty. " thinking I have to move on. Then he tells me to text him. So I do... but he says like okay amount texta. Then one day I tell him how I am going out drinking and he tells me to behave. Like he use to. Then he barely texts me anymore now to one word texts. What should I do? Should I start over with the no contact? I want him back.
Yes, start no contact again. This time, don't reply to him if he texts you until no contact is over.
Yes, start no contact again. This time, don't reply to him if he texts you until no contact is over.
Hi Kevin! My girlfriend broke up with me 10 days ago after almost four years of being together. I know exactly why it happened. There were many causes but the one that made things reach boiling point was that I pretty much neglected her. She's from a different country so she stayed at my house along with all my family, we essentially lived together and things were going well. I am a professional athlete but have been injured since January so I couldn't practice, couldn't work and so I just sat at home playing videogames waiting, and waiting to recover. She didn't have a job at the moment so, she just sat along with me. Eventually monotony and routine killed us, as weeks went by we started doing less things together, almost never went out anymore, dinners became boring, we stopped having sex and we simply started neglecting each other, not on purpose, but unconsciously as part of the monotony in which he had fallen. I did that more than she did, from time to time she did come to me looking for love and comfort and I would just do it for a few minutess and then go back to my own stuff. I stopped paying attention to her, fulfilling her needs, and just showing her how much I loved her and cared about her. So of course, it got to a point where she just lost interest in the relationship and the immense love she had for me began to slowly vanish. The man that once inspired her and whose personality and attractivness made her do things that to this day I haven't seen any other girl do for his man, was gone.
And yes, I've been a mess for these past 10 days and have fallen to almost every single mistake you mentioned, with bad results obviously. I'm definetely going to follow this guide because it just makes sense and after all, it's better than having nothing and being lost and confused. My only question concerns the no contact period. I'm thinking 4-5 weeks should be good, BUT, I read that one of the reasons why we do NC is because that'll give her time to forget about the negative stuff and start remembering the nice stuff... and that's where I'm concerned. For like three years and a half things were amazing and we have the greatest memories together, but the past 6 months were just rough and plainly bad because of the neglection I mentioned. So my question is: even if she forgets about the negative stuff during NC, what possibly good things would she remember if I pretty much neglected her for the last 5 months? Like there are very few positive things I can think of that happened in those months so I'm really afraid that once she gets over the negative stuff she'll just be like "well, I feel fine now, but I don't think there's a reason for me to get back with him because we just didn't do anything, he neglected me".
Obviously I am willing and actually excited about setting my life back in motion during NC. Get back to being that confident, active and ambitous man that she fell in love with years ago. I am assuming that will have a positive impact once we start seeing each other again after NC, but what concerns me are those 30-40 days when we will not have any sort of communication and then she might not even want to meet with me or just lost interest in me forever because of what I mentioned. I hope you can give me some insight. Thanks for the post as well, you have given me hope and peace of mind!
Hey,
When you start missing someone, your mind automatically searches for the best memories you had with the person. There's no time limit to that memory. She will probably understand that things were great before and she would probably start hoping that things go back to the way before you two started neglecting each other. And when you contact her, her hope will become stronger and she will start thinking about getting back together.
Oh man, I'm so glad to hear that! One more question just to be prepared: after NC is over and I send her the letter and all that, if she's still closed, cold, doesn't look like she missed me that much and just doesn't seem willing to talk too much to me or go out with me alone, should I start NC again (maybe for a shorter period of time) or should I just keep pushing slowly but surely trying to win her heart back?
Start no contact again for a shorter period of time.
Start no contact again for a shorter period of time.
Start no contact again for a shorter period of time.
Start no contact again for a shorter period of time.
Oh man, I'm so glad to hear that! One more question just to be prepared: after NC is over and I send her the letter and all that, if she's still closed, cold, doesn't look like she missed me that much and just doesn't seem willing to talk too much to me or go out with me alone, should I start NC again (maybe for a shorter period of time) or should I just keep pushing slowly but surely trying to win her heart back?
Oh man, I'm so glad to hear that! One more question just to be prepared: after NC is over and I send her the letter and all that, if she's still closed, cold, doesn't look like she missed me that much and just doesn't seem willing to talk too much to me or go out with me alone, should I start NC again (maybe for a shorter period of time) or should I just keep pushing slowly but surely trying to win her heart back?
Hey,
When you start missing someone, your mind automatically searches for the best memories you had with the person. There's no time limit to that memory. She will probably understand that things were great before and she would probably start hoping that things go back to the way before you two started neglecting each other. And when you contact her, her hope will become stronger and she will start thinking about getting back together.
She just broke up with me yesterday.... she said I dont love her um just using her!!! and I dont deserve her love etc... she has very much ego problem, what should I do now?? coz she left me by misunderstanding and ego problem.
Follow the plan. Think hard if you want to be with someone who doesn't understand you and has an ego problem.
Follow the plan. Think hard if you want to be with someone who doesn't understand you and has an ego problem.
Major revelation! So the new guy i'm talking to keeps telling me that my ex is messaging him so I went to my ex's work with the intention of giving him the chance to tell me whats going on before I blocked him. We laughed we cried and he told me the real reason he left me. He sacrificed his love for me so I could get better again as I was going through depression and in his eyes he felt he was causing it. We had a right laugh and flirted a little showing our tan lines and it seemed he didnt want me to leave. He told me I was the best thing thats ever happened to him. I was confident happy and he saw that in me. We left each other at the station after he finished work and I got home. My battery had died and when I charged it he had text me an hour before. We chatted all night and he even asked me to say hello to my mum. Yesterday he didnt message and neither did I. I did ask him to go for a coffee but he said I dont know right now it has shook him up seeing me as it brought all his feelings back. We even hugged goodbye and when he pulled away he was looking at my lips asking if it was a sore on my lip. I text him this morning about sun beds and he replied straight away. We laughed a little but he has gone quiet as I know he is getting ready for work. But he doesnt say take care anymore he just said goodnight. I think this has brought us to become friends again and ive blocked the guy that caused trouble by telling me that my ex is a no good idiot who is jealous and gave me up but dont want me to be with anyone else. I have 10x more respect for my ex after what he did. Now I know the reason why he left me I have much more hope for us. Especially how mature we have both been about it all. Thank you Kevin for getting me through such a hard time, my head is all over the place as i'm nervous about what the future holds for me and my ex but it looks promising.
Hey Jim,
I am sure future will only bring you happiness.
Thanks Kevin,
Do you think there is a lot of hope now the true reason for leaving me has come out?
Yes, chances are definitely better than before.
Think I made an error. After him telling me all that stuff we chatted but I kept initiating and he kept minimal contact. He then told me he couldnt meet for a coffee this week as he was swamped. So I text with advice from my mum to tell him I would like to know whether we could start a fresh or just stay friends and he has ignored me. I told him I will respect his decision I just feel like I am in Limbo and would like to know where we stand. Obviously its been like a day since and I do not plan on contacting him. Maybe he is really swamped. So do u advice waiting a week and seeing how he feels. I mean I gave him the option and he could have said lets stay friends but he hasnt said anything at all. Makes me think he is having a hard think and is scared it wont work out well. I'm happy with staying friends or dating again I just need to know so I can move forward. Do you think this was a bad idea telling him my feelings? I kinda left him last week with the thought I just want to stay friends but I said I don't want to get years down the line and regretting never saying it.
Hey Jim,
I think it was too soon to ask him. But if he replies and you get your answer and are OK with it, then I guess it's good. For now, don't pressure him for an answer. Let him take his time.
Hey Jim,
I think it was too soon to ask him. But if he replies and you get your answer and are OK with it, then I guess it's good. For now, don't pressure him for an answer. Let him take his time.
Hey Jim,
I think it was too soon to ask him. But if he replies and you get your answer and are OK with it, then I guess it's good. For now, don't pressure him for an answer. Let him take his time.
Hey Jim,
I think it was too soon to ask him. But if he replies and you get your answer and are OK with it, then I guess it's good. For now, don't pressure him for an answer. Let him take his time.
Hey Jim,
I think it was too soon to ask him. But if he replies and you get your answer and are OK with it, then I guess it's good. For now, don't pressure him for an answer. Let him take his time.
Hey Jim,
I think it was too soon to ask him. But if he replies and you get your answer and are OK with it, then I guess it's good. For now, don't pressure him for an answer. Let him take his time.
Think I made an error. After him telling me all that stuff we chatted but I kept initiating and he kept minimal contact. He then told me he couldnt meet for a coffee this week as he was swamped. So I text with advice from my mum to tell him I would like to know whether we could start a fresh or just stay friends and he has ignored me. I told him I will respect his decision I just feel like I am in Limbo and would like to know where we stand. Obviously its been like a day since and I do not plan on contacting him. Maybe he is really swamped. So do u advice waiting a week and seeing how he feels. I mean I gave him the option and he could have said lets stay friends but he hasnt said anything at all. Makes me think he is having a hard think and is scared it wont work out well. I'm happy with staying friends or dating again I just need to know so I can move forward. Do you think this was a bad idea telling him my feelings? I kinda left him last week with the thought I just want to stay friends but I said I don't want to get years down the line and regretting never saying it.
Think I made an error. After him telling me all that stuff we chatted but I kept initiating and he kept minimal contact. He then told me he couldnt meet for a coffee this week as he was swamped. So I text with advice from my mum to tell him I would like to know whether we could start a fresh or just stay friends and he has ignored me. I told him I will respect his decision I just feel like I am in Limbo and would like to know where we stand. Obviously its been like a day since and I do not plan on contacting him. Maybe he is really swamped. So do u advice waiting a week and seeing how he feels. I mean I gave him the option and he could have said lets stay friends but he hasnt said anything at all. Makes me think he is having a hard think and is scared it wont work out well. I'm happy with staying friends or dating again I just need to know so I can move forward. Do you think this was a bad idea telling him my feelings? I kinda left him last week with the thought I just want to stay friends but I said I don't want to get years down the line and regretting never saying it.
Think I made an error. After him telling me all that stuff we chatted but I kept initiating and he kept minimal contact. He then told me he couldnt meet for a coffee this week as he was swamped. So I text with advice from my mum to tell him I would like to know whether we could start a fresh or just stay friends and he has ignored me. I told him I will respect his decision I just feel like I am in Limbo and would like to know where we stand. Obviously its been like a day since and I do not plan on contacting him. Maybe he is really swamped. So do u advice waiting a week and seeing how he feels. I mean I gave him the option and he could have said lets stay friends but he hasnt said anything at all. Makes me think he is having a hard think and is scared it wont work out well. I'm happy with staying friends or dating again I just need to know so I can move forward. Do you think this was a bad idea telling him my feelings? I kinda left him last week with the thought I just want to stay friends but I said I don't want to get years down the line and regretting never saying it.
Think I made an error. After him telling me all that stuff we chatted but I kept initiating and he kept minimal contact. He then told me he couldnt meet for a coffee this week as he was swamped. So I text with advice from my mum to tell him I would like to know whether we could start a fresh or just stay friends and he has ignored me. I told him I will respect his decision I just feel like I am in Limbo and would like to know where we stand. Obviously its been like a day since and I do not plan on contacting him. Maybe he is really swamped. So do u advice waiting a week and seeing how he feels. I mean I gave him the option and he could have said lets stay friends but he hasnt said anything at all. Makes me think he is having a hard think and is scared it wont work out well. I'm happy with staying friends or dating again I just need to know so I can move forward. Do you think this was a bad idea telling him my feelings? I kinda left him last week with the thought I just want to stay friends but I said I don't want to get years down the line and regretting never saying it.
Yes, chances are definitely better than before.
Yes, chances are definitely better than before.
Yes, chances are definitely better than before.
Thanks Kevin,
Do you think there is a lot of hope now the true reason for leaving me has come out?
Thanks Kevin,
Do you think there is a lot of hope now the true reason for leaving me has come out?
Hey Jim,
I am sure future will only bring you happiness.
So I made it 19 days into no contact just to like 2 of his stats last night. I feel horrible. Do I need to start over?
I don't think it's necessary.
I don't think it's necessary.
hello Kevin,
so..i havent been in constant contact with my ex for like 2weeks(only when he texted me first so i engaged conversations back)..even on his birthday i didnt greet him but surprisingly on my birthday he texted me and it was a pretty effortly-thought of text not just a simple greeting but with other words aswell..so, i replied and in my reply i included an inside joke of when was created when we first started going out as friends and it was something that created a LOL memory in it, i was tryin 2 spark a good memory (good feelings) just like u mentioned..thing is; he didnt reply ..i kinda felt like i insulted him more than made him laugh coz it was a funny inside joke..so i texted him again saying i was just joking and he didnt have to be such a p**** .. coz i was joking in a friendly way.. then,heres the worse (hope not) part..i rang him once pretty late hours coz i was w8n for a text reply..and he didnt pick up...
is he being bitter and holding hard feelings towards me?what would u comment on this..
appreciate ur advice.
Well,
It was a mistake to send him the second text and call him. He might be a little frustrated of this. But it's not too much damage. Apply no contact again for a while.
Well,
It was a mistake to send him the second text and call him. He might be a little frustrated of this. But it's not too much damage. Apply no contact again for a while.
Kevin, i think i didnt receive your email for today. I was actually looking forward about it because it can be useful for me. The email next to "one small step at a time". Can you check it? Thanks kevin.
Hey Daniel,
It seems you've received the next email.
Hey Daniel,
It seems you've received the next email.
Hey kevin me again. I haven't texted my ex again and it's been about a week and a half. I snapchatted my ex (I sent this picture to everyone in my snapchat contacts) and he screenshoted it and replayed it. Right after Screenshotting it he tweeted my friends (use to be his but he called them annoying) he knows I've been with them this whole time so I'm confused as to why he's asking them to hang out if he doesn't like then very much. I sent other snapchats and no response so I'm almost feeling like I want to start no contact again and just wait for him to make a move even though you told me to send another text. What should I do.
Yes, do no contact again.
Yes, do no contact again.
So I did the 30 days no contact, just over that I think despite my ex messaging me once after 10 days into the NC period. I Messaged him saying I missed him and it wasn't until a couple of messages later he said he missed me too but we wont get back together because we know we don't work and that he prefers being single.. this was a week ago. we have been messaging every day since, and today he admitted that he doesn't want to see me because he is still attracted to me and that he still has feelings there. I then tried to end our conversation a couple of days later in which he replied with another question, it would have been rude for me not to reply so I did but then he didn't reply to me until a couple of days later. It is driving me crazy because he knows exactly how I feel about him, I told him that missed him and still loved him last week and despite him saying he doesn't want me back. he keeps messaging me. I'm beginning to become really impatient because other guys are showing way more of an interest, ones I know would treat me better than him but because I love this guy I cant and wont move on because I want to give us another chance. Shall I be patient and wait for him to ask to meet up with me? But looking at what he has already said, the feelings are there, he just doesn't want to try again at the moment.
Hey Sarah,
Give yourself a time limit (2-3 months). If by that time, you and your ex are not back together, you should try to move on.
Hi kevin, thanks again for the reply.
I just thought id update you, my ex said he wouldn't feel comfortable seeing me as he still finds me attractive and that he still has feelings for me, he also told me to move on like he is trying to so its finalised my decision I suppose. I've waited 3 months already I guess its time to move on with my life now. Thank you for all of your help
Good Luck Sarah. I'm sure you will find the love and happiness you deserve.
Is it just me or seriously, this guy obviously has feelings for you and knows you have feelings for him. To me it seems like a fairly easy solution, not just no contact but just STOP showing that you want him. He is playing with you because he KNOWS you want him so just stop. Get busy on you and start getting out and having fun and let him miss you enough to come after you. He knows how he feels and he knows you are a weakness for him, he has already admitted that. So this seems like one of the easier fixes in most of these stories......make him WANT you back. Don't be available, stand up for yourself and take care of you, it's his loss and he needs to feel that. All I feel is doubt and desperation from you, he can feel that too so he isn't going to give into you. Just move forward and focus on you, for you not to get him back and once you get happy with you I bet he will come knocking on your door especially if you don't contact him.
Is it just me or seriously, this guy obviously has feelings for you and knows you have feelings for him. To me it seems like a fairly easy solution, not just no contact but just STOP showing that you want him. He is playing with you because he KNOWS you want him so just stop. Get busy on you and start getting out and having fun and let him miss you enough to come after you. He knows how he feels and he knows you are a weakness for him, he has already admitted that. So this seems like one of the easier fixes in most of these stories......make him WANT you back. Don't be available, stand up for yourself and take care of you, it's his loss and he needs to feel that. All I feel is doubt and desperation from you, he can feel that too so he isn't going to give into you. Just move forward and focus on you, for you not to get him back and once you get happy with you I bet he will come knocking on your door especially if you don't contact him.
Is it just me or seriously, this guy obviously has feelings for you and knows you have feelings for him. To me it seems like a fairly easy solution, not just no contact but just STOP showing that you want him. He is playing with you because he KNOWS you want him so just stop. Get busy on you and start getting out and having fun and let him miss you enough to come after you. He knows how he feels and he knows you are a weakness for him, he has already admitted that. So this seems like one of the easier fixes in most of these stories......make him WANT you back. Don't be available, stand up for yourself and take care of you, it's his loss and he needs to feel that. All I feel is doubt and desperation from you, he can feel that too so he isn't going to give into you. Just move forward and focus on you, for you not to get him back and once you get happy with you I bet he will come knocking on your door especially if you don't contact him.
Is it just me or seriously, this guy obviously has feelings for you and knows you have feelings for him. To me it seems like a fairly easy solution, not just no contact but just STOP showing that you want him. He is playing with you because he KNOWS you want him so just stop. Get busy on you and start getting out and having fun and let him miss you enough to come after you. He knows how he feels and he knows you are a weakness for him, he has already admitted that. So this seems like one of the easier fixes in most of these stories......make him WANT you back. Don't be available, stand up for yourself and take care of you, it's his loss and he needs to feel that. All I feel is doubt and desperation from you, he can feel that too so he isn't going to give into you. Just move forward and focus on you, for you not to get him back and once you get happy with you I bet he will come knocking on your door especially if you don't contact him.
Is it just me or seriously, this guy obviously has feelings for you and knows you have feelings for him. To me it seems like a fairly easy solution, not just no contact but just STOP showing that you want him. He is playing with you because he KNOWS you want him so just stop. Get busy on you and start getting out and having fun and let him miss you enough to come after you. He knows how he feels and he knows you are a weakness for him, he has already admitted that. So this seems like one of the easier fixes in most of these stories......make him WANT you back. Don't be available, stand up for yourself and take care of you, it's his loss and he needs to feel that. All I feel is doubt and desperation from you, he can feel that too so he isn't going to give into you. Just move forward and focus on you, for you not to get him back and once you get happy with you I bet he will come knocking on your door especially if you don't contact him.
Good Luck Sarah. I'm sure you will find the love and happiness you deserve.
Good Luck Sarah. I'm sure you will find the love and happiness you deserve.
Good Luck Sarah. I'm sure you will find the love and happiness you deserve.
Hi kevin, thanks again for the reply.
I just thought id update you, my ex said he wouldn't feel comfortable seeing me as he still finds me attractive and that he still has feelings for me, he also told me to move on like he is trying to so its finalised my decision I suppose. I've waited 3 months already I guess its time to move on with my life now. Thank you for all of your help
Hi kevin, thanks again for the reply.
I just thought id update you, my ex said he wouldn't feel comfortable seeing me as he still finds me attractive and that he still has feelings for me, he also told me to move on like he is trying to so its finalised my decision I suppose. I've waited 3 months already I guess its time to move on with my life now. Thank you for all of your help
Hey Sarah,
Give yourself a time limit (2-3 months). If by that time, you and your ex are not back together, you should try to move on.
Hi Kevin,
I don't know if my comment from yesterday came through. I don't post on message boards much but this one seems really helpful.
Yes Whit, it's here.
Yes Whit, it's here.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend of two years broke up with me about 6 months ago after 3 months of drifting apart (me being super clingy and him pushing me away). We had just started college together and were both kind of on different pages in the relationship. That being said we had had a really great relationship, we had basically been in love since middle school and we were incredibly close. After we broke up I basically did everything you shouldn't do, I texted him and called him many many times for about a month until I finally realized that I needed to cut off contact and I deleted him off of all social media and stopped contacting him at all. Oh, he also had a new girlfriend about three weeks after we broke, but they broke up a few weeks ago. Since I "cut off contact" I did contact him a few times, but mostly tried to present myself as confident and "over him" which I was for a while. Recently, especially since him and his new girlfriend broke up, I have started to miss him again a lot. I think I have grown a lot and learned a lot from the breakup, and am ready to start a new relationship with him. He hasn't made any effort to contact me, shows no interest whatsoever and whenever we talk he tells me how happy he is alone. However I know him pretty well, and I know he is very stubborn. I am worried he is only focused on the bad parts of our relationship and is ignoring all the wonderful times we had and how great we were as a couple. One of the main reasons we broke up was because I was so focused on my relationship with him that I completely ignored trying to make new friends in college and spent all my time with him. I now have a really solid group of friends and I think that would greatly improve our relationship. I desperately want to tell him all of that but I definitely don't want to beg him to take me back. Do you think I have a chance? What should I do? Do I need to start another no contact period?
Thank you!!
You should get back in touch with him. If he is cold, then you should start no contact again.
So he actually texted me right after I posted that, just asking about a music festival I went to last weekend. Should I respond?
From your last comment, I am little unsure if you applied no contact. If you already did, then you should reply to him.
From your last comment, I am little unsure if you applied no contact. If you already did, then you should reply to him.
From your last comment, I am little unsure if you applied no contact. If you already did, then you should reply to him.
From your last comment, I am little unsure if you applied no contact. If you already did, then you should reply to him.
So he actually texted me right after I posted that, just asking about a music festival I went to last weekend. Should I respond?
So he actually texted me right after I posted that, just asking about a music festival I went to last weekend. Should I respond?
You should get back in touch with him. If he is cold, then you should start no contact again.
Hi Kevin,
I've been posting here for a while now and you have been replying, I'm not sure if you remember everything but I just want to know what I should do?
Hi, Kevin and anyone else who has any advice,
Does anyone think that a down to earth, heart to heart conversation would work. Not to get back together with her but to regain some level of friendship so that I can finally have a foot hole to start my long climb back up. The only reason I bring this option up is because a few weeks before everything happened we were talking and discussing where we were going and she raised some concerns about what if some shit happened, nothing specific, I think the only reason she thought about it was because something had or was going wrong in just about every aspect of her life at the time. She was having a rough time. Anyways I just asked her if she trusted me and she said yes and then I asked her if she trusted me completely and entirely and again she said yes so basically I told her "then if shit happens we will get through it together, I promise", what I actually said passed on the same message but had a funnier vibe to it to help cheer her up a bit but the point was still there and was the main focus of it. That is the reason I bring this up because a discussion like that has to have some weight on it that I could use to help my cause. And on top of that I truly meant what I said, and I'm not about to break a promise to her after so many others have done so as of late. Now that I'm getting better as a person I want to be there for her. Does anyone think that conversation would hold any meaning with her and in helping me out? Can I use that to open a rapport between us to set a new foundation to stand on?
Hey Zach,
It works, but not when her defenses are up. You need to open a communication channel between you two and get on friendly terms before you can have talk like that.
Hey Zach,
It works, but not when her defenses are up. You need to open a communication channel between you two and get on friendly terms before you can have talk like that.
Hey guys I'm going on day 13 of no contact. We were in a relationship for two years but she just left out of nowhere I've figured out that it's ok that she's seeing someone else. And a lot of the arguments were because of something I did wrong no matter how little it was, it was big to her. I've been eating right I've been hanging out I've been seeing another girl but it only makes me realize that I'm madly in love with her. I hope I can get her back. I'm going to be moving into my own place soon and going back to school. I'm doing this for me but I know she will be proud of the fact that I'm doing things she wanted me to do. The last time we spoke it got physical :/ I don't know why but I hope I still have a chance with her.
Hi Kevin
All I wanna know is that what if she knows about the no contact rule and she's the one who's practicing it more than you do? How will it interfere with this?
It will still be effective. No contact is more about you and less about your ex. If you make positive changes in your life during NC, it'll still be very effective.
It will still be effective. No contact is more about you and less about your ex. If you make positive changes in your life during NC, it'll still be very effective.
My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me three days ago. We lived together, that morning he broke up with me, packed his stuff, and left, saying he's depressed and stressed out. He was not willing to actually communicate about anything, getting defensive stating, "What else is there to say?" Very shortly after he left, he called me (not once, but twice!) to come back and get more of his things. I was accommodating and did not further aggravate the situation. Hours after he was gone, he text me saying to search my car for one of our mutual friends' missing objects. I did not respond to him, but instead responded directly to the friend. I have maintained no contact. This morning (day three) he text me "Hey" and I did not respond. This evening, he text me "Hey. Can you let me know when my checks show up in the mail? I'd really appreciate it." These are blank checks from the bank, not paychecks. They have not arrived, and in the past I have talked with him about how unfair and disrespectful it is to withhold people's stuff - his previous ex still has some of his possessions and refuses to return them.
So my question to you is: Do I maintain no contact and text him when the checks arrive, or do I respond with a neutral "Ok"? It's been about an hour since I received the message. Admittedly, I am scared that full no contact will result in him not wanting to speak to me anymore :'( Your advice is greatly appreciated, and I would really value your response. Thank you so much for your time!
You can text him OK.
You can text him OK.
Hi again Kevin,
I've been going out with my ex every other day since the last 1-2 weeks, but it's always been me asking her out. The other guy doesn't know that we go out and he's also been asking my ex out ever so often. She told me that she didn't have feelings for him that way but didn't want to hurt his feelings because she will still have classes with him next quarter and doesn't want to ruin their friendship. I told her that it was wrong and if he was truly your friend, he wouldn't have to do those things to do homework. Since we were so intimate when we are together, I asked her if we were going out, but she says she doesn't know. She also said she hopes that when summer comes, hopefully he would change, but I don't think so.
Today she said she couldn't eat with me because she was eating with him. It makes me feel weird knowing that he would hold her hands because he feels like it and she would allow it. And then I would hold her hand when she is with me. I've still been in touch with her and I've been asking her out almost everyday. I don't like the way she's accepting both of us, is there something I can do, I really love her and I want to be with her.
Hey Edward,
You can give her an ultimatum to choose between him and you. You should be prepared if she chooses him. If she does, you should cut all contact with her and move on. It's a risky move. But at least, it will get you out of this confusing situation.
Hi Kevin,
I think it might still be too early for me to do that, is it a good idea to wait on it til summer starts? Also how frequent should I be asking her to go out? I'm the one always initiating and it might show that I'm needy and if I do NC/minimal contact it shows that I don't care about the relationship.
Yes, NC might help as well. You should be asking her out once a week. More if your dates are going well.
Hi Kevin,
Later on last night before we had dinner together, after I gave her the gift and letter, I went home and asked her through FB if she still wanted to have dinner with me as planned. She said yes because she wanted to try at that restaurant at least once. I asked her if I wasn't allowed to go to her apartment anymore. She said she doesn't really want me to come in and then told me she read my card with a sad face. I asked her why last week she let me get so intimate with her and now it seemed like she didn't like me and that I just wanted to know the truth. She said that she loves me but doesn't like me grabbing her because we aren't together. I told her that if she loved me how come she wouldn't let me have another chance, I told her that I didn't mean to push her away and that I was jealous that she was spending most of her time talking to someone else. She said it was really difficult. I apologized for it and told her that I love her and in the end, I asked her if she would give me another chance. She just says she doesn't know and "i need to think about it". I thanked her for her consideration.
After dinner, I asked her when I could see her again she said she doesn't know and then remembers that she has to give me back my shirts before she goes back home for the summer. There is about 4-5 days before we head back to our home for summer, I'm not sure how much time she needs "to think about it". She doesn't say how long or if she needed space, so I'm not sure if I should do NC. At the same time, I'm not sure how often I should contact her and when is it appropriate to ask her out. Thanks for all of your advices Kevin.
Hey Kevin,
Today was my birthday and we hung out at a theme park, but I feel like she only did it because it was my birthday or just as friends. She felt uncomfortable when I tried to hold her hand or touch her. I feel like she has lost her feelings for me. She would feel frustrated or annoyed when I ask her about the other guy or if I asked her if she had any feelings for me. It seemed like she has made her decision last week, when I have posted here. I just couldn't understand why she didnt give me another chance and chose him over me. She didn't give me any explanation and now just wont let me get intimate with her. It's always been me trying to contact her.. before she left today, I actually gave her a gift and wrote a letter about my feelings for her. I know that she wouldn't change her mind. She seems to like the other guy and I feel like she is losing her love for me. If I do NC, and work better on myself, would her feelings for me go away? Wouldn't she love the other guy more overtime? Do I still have a chance anymore or should I move on?
Hey Kevin,
Yesterday, I went to my ex's place at her apartment and saw roses on her table that was from him. It made me feel jealous, but my ex seemed like she wants to make love and so we did. Today, she was out with him and probably spent the whole day together. Tonight, when I asked her out for tomorrow, she said she loves me and hopes that I don't think we are still together. I felt sad like it was breakup again, but I took it slow and asked her if we can still be together in the future. She says she doesn't know and can't see the future. I reminded many things of us together and told her that she was my first love and my first girlfriend, this made me really sad and cry, I can tell she was crying too (this was all over facebook IM). In the end, I told her to take care and that he treats her well, and that next week if she wants to hangout to let me know(since it's my birthday).
I can tell that he treats her really well(isn't all new relationship like that?). I told her that she was special and that I wouldn't be trying if she wasn't. It's depressing that she broke up with me just because she doesn't see a future in us. Kevin, I don't know if this is how it should end, we were together for 3 years and I just wanted a new relationship. Should I move on or do I still have another chance? We love each other but apparently love is not enough.
Hey Edward,
At this point, I think you should put yourself before her and start no contact. I think you should let her new relationship play out. I have a feeling that it's a rebound and it'll end. If you want, you can give her an ultimatum before starting no contact. But I doubt she will choose you.
Hey Edward,
At this point, I think you should put yourself before her and start no contact. I think you should let her new relationship play out. I have a feeling that it's a rebound and it'll end. If you want, you can give her an ultimatum before starting no contact. But I doubt she will choose you.
Hey Edward,
At this point, I think you should put yourself before her and start no contact. I think you should let her new relationship play out. I have a feeling that it's a rebound and it'll end. If you want, you can give her an ultimatum before starting no contact. But I doubt she will choose you.
Hey Edward,
At this point, I think you should put yourself before her and start no contact. I think you should let her new relationship play out. I have a feeling that it's a rebound and it'll end. If you want, you can give her an ultimatum before starting no contact. But I doubt she will choose you.
Hey Edward,
At this point, I think you should put yourself before her and start no contact. I think you should let her new relationship play out. I have a feeling that it's a rebound and it'll end. If you want, you can give her an ultimatum before starting no contact. But I doubt she will choose you.
Hey Edward,
At this point, I think you should put yourself before her and start no contact. I think you should let her new relationship play out. I have a feeling that it's a rebound and it'll end. If you want, you can give her an ultimatum before starting no contact. But I doubt she will choose you.
Hi Kevin,
Later on last night before we had dinner together, after I gave her the gift and letter, I went home and asked her through FB if she still wanted to have dinner with me as planned. She said yes because she wanted to try at that restaurant at least once. I asked her if I wasn't allowed to go to her apartment anymore. She said she doesn't really want me to come in and then told me she read my card with a sad face. I asked her why last week she let me get so intimate with her and now it seemed like she didn't like me and that I just wanted to know the truth. She said that she loves me but doesn't like me grabbing her because we aren't together. I told her that if she loved me how come she wouldn't let me have another chance, I told her that I didn't mean to push her away and that I was jealous that she was spending most of her time talking to someone else. She said it was really difficult. I apologized for it and told her that I love her and in the end, I asked her if she would give me another chance. She just says she doesn't know and "i need to think about it". I thanked her for her consideration.
After dinner, I asked her when I could see her again she said she doesn't know and then remembers that she has to give me back my shirts before she goes back home for the summer. There is about 4-5 days before we head back to our home for summer, I'm not sure how much time she needs "to think about it". She doesn't say how long or if she needed space, so I'm not sure if I should do NC. At the same time, I'm not sure how often I should contact her and when is it appropriate to ask her out. Thanks for all of your advices Kevin.
Hey Kevin,
Today was my birthday and we hung out at a theme park, but I feel like she only did it because it was my birthday or just as friends. She felt uncomfortable when I tried to hold her hand or touch her. I feel like she has lost her feelings for me. She would feel frustrated or annoyed when I ask her about the other guy or if I asked her if she had any feelings for me. It seemed like she has made her decision last week, when I have posted here. I just couldn't understand why she didnt give me another chance and chose him over me. She didn't give me any explanation and now just wont let me get intimate with her. It's always been me trying to contact her.. before she left today, I actually gave her a gift and wrote a letter about my feelings for her. I know that she wouldn't change her mind. She seems to like the other guy and I feel like she is losing her love for me. If I do NC, and work better on myself, would her feelings for me go away? Wouldn't she love the other guy more overtime? Do I still have a chance anymore or should I move on?
Hey Kevin,
Yesterday, I went to my ex's place at her apartment and saw roses on her table that was from him. It made me feel jealous, but my ex seemed like she wants to make love and so we did. Today, she was out with him and probably spent the whole day together. Tonight, when I asked her out for tomorrow, she said she loves me and hopes that I don't think we are still together. I felt sad like it was breakup again, but I took it slow and asked her if we can still be together in the future. She says she doesn't know and can't see the future. I reminded many things of us together and told her that she was my first love and my first girlfriend, this made me really sad and cry, I can tell she was crying too (this was all over facebook IM). In the end, I told her to take care and that he treats her well, and that next week if she wants to hangout to let me know(since it's my birthday).
I can tell that he treats her really well(isn't all new relationship like that?). I told her that she was special and that I wouldn't be trying if she wasn't. It's depressing that she broke up with me just because she doesn't see a future in us. Kevin, I don't know if this is how it should end, we were together for 3 years and I just wanted a new relationship. Should I move on or do I still have another chance? We love each other but apparently love is not enough.
Hi Kevin,
Later on last night before we had dinner together, after I gave her the gift and letter, I went home and asked her through FB if she still wanted to have dinner with me as planned. She said yes because she wanted to try at that restaurant at least once. I asked her if I wasn't allowed to go to her apartment anymore. She said she doesn't really want me to come in and then told me she read my card with a sad face. I asked her why last week she let me get so intimate with her and now it seemed like she didn't like me and that I just wanted to know the truth. She said that she loves me but doesn't like me grabbing her because we aren't together. I told her that if she loved me how come she wouldn't let me have another chance, I told her that I didn't mean to push her away and that I was jealous that she was spending most of her time talking to someone else. She said it was really difficult. I apologized for it and told her that I love her and in the end, I asked her if she would give me another chance. She just says she doesn't know and "i need to think about it". I thanked her for her consideration.
After dinner, I asked her when I could see her again she said she doesn't know and then remembers that she has to give me back my shirts before she goes back home for the summer. There is about 4-5 days before we head back to our home for summer, I'm not sure how much time she needs "to think about it". She doesn't say how long or if she needed space, so I'm not sure if I should do NC. At the same time, I'm not sure how often I should contact her and when is it appropriate to ask her out. Thanks for all of your advices Kevin.
Hey Kevin,
Today was my birthday and we hung out at a theme park, but I feel like she only did it because it was my birthday or just as friends. She felt uncomfortable when I tried to hold her hand or touch her. I feel like she has lost her feelings for me. She would feel frustrated or annoyed when I ask her about the other guy or if I asked her if she had any feelings for me. It seemed like she has made her decision last week, when I have posted here. I just couldn't understand why she didnt give me another chance and chose him over me. She didn't give me any explanation and now just wont let me get intimate with her. It's always been me trying to contact her.. before she left today, I actually gave her a gift and wrote a letter about my feelings for her. I know that she wouldn't change her mind. She seems to like the other guy and I feel like she is losing her love for me. If I do NC, and work better on myself, would her feelings for me go away? Wouldn't she love the other guy more overtime? Do I still have a chance anymore or should I move on?
Hey Kevin,
Yesterday, I went to my ex's place at her apartment and saw roses on her table that was from him. It made me feel jealous, but my ex seemed like she wants to make love and so we did. Today, she was out with him and probably spent the whole day together. Tonight, when I asked her out for tomorrow, she said she loves me and hopes that I don't think we are still together. I felt sad like it was breakup again, but I took it slow and asked her if we can still be together in the future. She says she doesn't know and can't see the future. I reminded many things of us together and told her that she was my first love and my first girlfriend, this made me really sad and cry, I can tell she was crying too (this was all over facebook IM). In the end, I told her to take care and that he treats her well, and that next week if she wants to hangout to let me know(since it's my birthday).
I can tell that he treats her really well(isn't all new relationship like that?). I told her that she was special and that I wouldn't be trying if she wasn't. It's depressing that she broke up with me just because she doesn't see a future in us. Kevin, I don't know if this is how it should end, we were together for 3 years and I just wanted a new relationship. Should I move on or do I still have another chance? We love each other but apparently love is not enough.
Hi Kevin,
Later on last night before we had dinner together, after I gave her the gift and letter, I went home and asked her through FB if she still wanted to have dinner with me as planned. She said yes because she wanted to try at that restaurant at least once. I asked her if I wasn't allowed to go to her apartment anymore. She said she doesn't really want me to come in and then told me she read my card with a sad face. I asked her why last week she let me get so intimate with her and now it seemed like she didn't like me and that I just wanted to know the truth. She said that she loves me but doesn't like me grabbing her because we aren't together. I told her that if she loved me how come she wouldn't let me have another chance, I told her that I didn't mean to push her away and that I was jealous that she was spending most of her time talking to someone else. She said it was really difficult. I apologized for it and told her that I love her and in the end, I asked her if she would give me another chance. She just says she doesn't know and "i need to think about it". I thanked her for her consideration.
After dinner, I asked her when I could see her again she said she doesn't know and then remembers that she has to give me back my shirts before she goes back home for the summer. There is about 4-5 days before we head back to our home for summer, I'm not sure how much time she needs "to think about it". She doesn't say how long or if she needed space, so I'm not sure if I should do NC. At the same time, I'm not sure how often I should contact her and when is it appropriate to ask her out. Thanks for all of your advices Kevin.
Hey Kevin,
Today was my birthday and we hung out at a theme park, but I feel like she only did it because it was my birthday or just as friends. She felt uncomfortable when I tried to hold her hand or touch her. I feel like she has lost her feelings for me. She would feel frustrated or annoyed when I ask her about the other guy or if I asked her if she had any feelings for me. It seemed like she has made her decision last week, when I have posted here. I just couldn't understand why she didnt give me another chance and chose him over me. She didn't give me any explanation and now just wont let me get intimate with her. It's always been me trying to contact her.. before she left today, I actually gave her a gift and wrote a letter about my feelings for her. I know that she wouldn't change her mind. She seems to like the other guy and I feel like she is losing her love for me. If I do NC, and work better on myself, would her feelings for me go away? Wouldn't she love the other guy more overtime? Do I still have a chance anymore or should I move on?
Hey Kevin,
Yesterday, I went to my ex's place at her apartment and saw roses on her table that was from him. It made me feel jealous, but my ex seemed like she wants to make love and so we did. Today, she was out with him and probably spent the whole day together. Tonight, when I asked her out for tomorrow, she said she loves me and hopes that I don't think we are still together. I felt sad like it was breakup again, but I took it slow and asked her if we can still be together in the future. She says she doesn't know and can't see the future. I reminded many things of us together and told her that she was my first love and my first girlfriend, this made me really sad and cry, I can tell she was crying too (this was all over facebook IM). In the end, I told her to take care and that he treats her well, and that next week if she wants to hangout to let me know(since it's my birthday).
I can tell that he treats her really well(isn't all new relationship like that?). I told her that she was special and that I wouldn't be trying if she wasn't. It's depressing that she broke up with me just because she doesn't see a future in us. Kevin, I don't know if this is how it should end, we were together for 3 years and I just wanted a new relationship. Should I move on or do I still have another chance? We love each other but apparently love is not enough.
Hi Kevin,
Later on last night before we had dinner together, after I gave her the gift and letter, I went home and asked her through FB if she still wanted to have dinner with me as planned. She said yes because she wanted to try at that restaurant at least once. I asked her if I wasn't allowed to go to her apartment anymore. She said she doesn't really want me to come in and then told me she read my card with a sad face. I asked her why last week she let me get so intimate with her and now it seemed like she didn't like me and that I just wanted to know the truth. She said that she loves me but doesn't like me grabbing her because we aren't together. I told her that if she loved me how come she wouldn't let me have another chance, I told her that I didn't mean to push her away and that I was jealous that she was spending most of her time talking to someone else. She said it was really difficult. I apologized for it and told her that I love her and in the end, I asked her if she would give me another chance. She just says she doesn't know and "i need to think about it". I thanked her for her consideration.
After dinner, I asked her when I could see her again she said she doesn't know and then remembers that she has to give me back my shirts before she goes back home for the summer. There is about 4-5 days before we head back to our home for summer, I'm not sure how much time she needs "to think about it". She doesn't say how long or if she needed space, so I'm not sure if I should do NC. At the same time, I'm not sure how often I should contact her and when is it appropriate to ask her out. Thanks for all of your advices Kevin.
Hey Kevin,
Today was my birthday and we hung out at a theme park, but I feel like she only did it because it was my birthday or just as friends. She felt uncomfortable when I tried to hold her hand or touch her. I feel like she has lost her feelings for me. She would feel frustrated or annoyed when I ask her about the other guy or if I asked her if she had any feelings for me. It seemed like she has made her decision last week, when I have posted here. I just couldn't understand why she didnt give me another chance and chose him over me. She didn't give me any explanation and now just wont let me get intimate with her. It's always been me trying to contact her.. before she left today, I actually gave her a gift and wrote a letter about my feelings for her. I know that she wouldn't change her mind. She seems to like the other guy and I feel like she is losing her love for me. If I do NC, and work better on myself, would her feelings for me go away? Wouldn't she love the other guy more overtime? Do I still have a chance anymore or should I move on?
Hey Kevin,
Yesterday, I went to my ex's place at her apartment and saw roses on her table that was from him. It made me feel jealous, but my ex seemed like she wants to make love and so we did. Today, she was out with him and probably spent the whole day together. Tonight, when I asked her out for tomorrow, she said she loves me and hopes that I don't think we are still together. I felt sad like it was breakup again, but I took it slow and asked her if we can still be together in the future. She says she doesn't know and can't see the future. I reminded many things of us together and told her that she was my first love and my first girlfriend, this made me really sad and cry, I can tell she was crying too (this was all over facebook IM). In the end, I told her to take care and that he treats her well, and that next week if she wants to hangout to let me know(since it's my birthday).
I can tell that he treats her really well(isn't all new relationship like that?). I told her that she was special and that I wouldn't be trying if she wasn't. It's depressing that she broke up with me just because she doesn't see a future in us. Kevin, I don't know if this is how it should end, we were together for 3 years and I just wanted a new relationship. Should I move on or do I still have another chance? We love each other but apparently love is not enough.
Yes, NC might help as well. You should be asking her out once a week. More if your dates are going well.
Yes, NC might help as well. You should be asking her out once a week. More if your dates are going well.
Yes, NC might help as well. You should be asking her out once a week. More if your dates are going well.
Hi Kevin,
I think it might still be too early for me to do that, is it a good idea to wait on it til summer starts? Also how frequent should I be asking her to go out? I'm the one always initiating and it might show that I'm needy and if I do NC/minimal contact it shows that I don't care about the relationship.
Hi Kevin,
I think it might still be too early for me to do that, is it a good idea to wait on it til summer starts? Also how frequent should I be asking her to go out? I'm the one always initiating and it might show that I'm needy and if I do NC/minimal contact it shows that I don't care about the relationship.
Hey Edward,
You can give her an ultimatum to choose between him and you. You should be prepared if she chooses him. If she does, you should cut all contact with her and move on. It's a risky move. But at least, it will get you out of this confusing situation.
Hi kevin! I followed the 30 day no contact rule and texted him that I was ok with the split. He immediately responded telling me that he missed my 4 yr old daughter so much it hurt (he's not the biological dad), he's often reminded of us, and hasn't slept. He seemed very interested in me. I was very calm and didnt give him a lot of details. Throughout his texts he kept asking how my daughter was dealing with the breakup. I finally responded a bit harsh by telling him what he was going to do about it if she was having a hard time dealing with the split. Then I added that im dealing with the situation on a day to day basis and it'll get better. Three hrs later I texted him that if he still wanted to be in her life he could but he cant bail on her. This happened two days ago and he never responded. I shouldnt have offered but I thought like a mom. What advice can you give me? Should I cont. With no contact?
Btw, he contacted me on mothers day expressing that he knows I dont want to hear from him and how great I am. Then on my birthday he text me again wishing me the best and if I "EVER" need anything, he'll help me. Kevin, this 30 day NC works wonders. I need advice. What do I do?
Wait another week and contact him using texts in this article.
Wait another week and contact him using texts in this article.
24 days and he finally sent a text. "Hi, how are you doing? Would i be able to talk with you tonight?" I decided that I wasn't going to respond to this until tomorrow. Then two hours later I received another text "Are you at your apartment? Can i come over and talk to you?" I decided that was out of the question and to ignore him... Then as I'm sitting on my balcony like I usually do — there he comes. He parks and comes upstairs. I reluctantly open my door and wait. I make him speak to me out front for a bit until I see his tears. He was crying the same way I had been when no one was around. I'm not happy he was sad but I am happy he felt something enough to cry. He asked me if I ever thought of calling or texting and I told him why would I want to keep hanging around when he was the one that didn't want me around. He apologized etc etc but I have standards. This is not the old relationship where we still do the same thing that broke us up. We have to learn and change. He agreed and told me all the things that he wanted to change about himself (which were all of the things that I wanted him to change). I know that old habits die hard but we are gonna work on it. I'll definitely write back on here if things go sour. Good luck to all of you that are wondering why someone would breakup with you and what you could have done better. It's been my experience that men break up with me because they are disappointed in their careers or their goals not being accomplished. Even though it's not you their mad at you're gonna cry because he doesn't want you and you're not good enough but honestly. My goal was if he doesn't send me something after 30 days he's too much of a whiny loser to have me back and I'm not going to even consider him after 30 days. Good luck and hold strong because any decent person would at least come back to say their sorry.
Hi, Kelly.
Wow, I admire you! I can't even go on straight NC for a week. I don't know, I'm so attached and all. I'm glad you are back in each other's arms. I wouldl like to try the NC for 30days but I'm afraid if she will just move on. I don't know what to do. I'm tired and sad and.....
That's awesome Kelly. I wish you luck in your new relationship. :)
Hi, Kelly.
Wow, I admire you! I can't even go on straight NC for a week. I don't know, I'm so attached and all. I'm glad you are back in each other's arms. I wouldl like to try the NC for 30days but I'm afraid if she will just move on. I don't know what to do. I'm tired and sad and.....
That's awesome Kelly. I wish you luck in your new relationship. :)
Can i post a link here? I found something that can inspire all.
Hey Daniel,
You can post it. But if it's to a spammy website, I'll probably delete it.
Hey Daniel,
You can post it. But if it's to a spammy website, I'll probably delete it.
Me and my ex has been dating for six years already. We met in college, so we are with each other basically every day in the past 6 years.
Last month, after a fight, he said he wanted to break up because he thinks we had different personality, and he enjoyed life being single & alone. He said he can't force himself to adjust to me anymore, and all the happiness he showed during these years, he faked it. He said he will meet me again next year, and meanwhile remain loyal to me. During the remaining of the year, he said he will treat me as a friend, but I am not allowed to contact him, as he don't want any factors to affect his thinking at this moment.
I did send him around 5 text messages within this month, he replied once, saying he has already moved on to a life without a relationship and he enjoy this "single and alone" life style.
His sister told me he's been partying and staying out late this month, which he said he never enjoyed before, as he hates social.
A week after the break up, I found out he's travelling to Europe with a female colleague (based in a diff country) in July. Which really bugs me… is this girl the reason for our break up instead?
Do you think I still have a chance? And has he really moved on? What exactly should I do to get him back? I am just afraid his feelings towards me will fade away as time passes.
I really want to have him back, as we've planned so many things ahead, and he really mean a lot to me. I am currently doing the no contact now.
Hey Fiora,
I don't think you should assume that girl had anything to do with the breakup. Most probably she didn't and he is just using her as a rebound. I'll recommend you do no contact for at least three months and use the letter mentioned in the article to get back in touch with him.
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
I am currently doing NC. But yesterday my sister and her boyfriend ran into my ex on the street. and saw him with that girl, holding hands. (my ex didnt saw them) - so the girl flew in just for a weekend.... how can they develop so quickly? is that even possible?
I am not sure whether he has already moved on or in a rebound. I am just trying to figure out why he would ask me to stay as friends, but at the same time ask me not to contact him for the rest of this year. Why don't he just come clean? I have a hard time convincing myself that he had nothing with that girl before the break up, coz the Europe trip is booked 1 day after the break up.
They belonged to the same team in his company, so they work very closely together. (based in difference country though).
Can these 6 years mean nothing to him? I am just afraid the letter won't work as he is ignoring me already. As i thought there's no point for him to come back if he have this new girl with him....
Thanks!
Hey Flora,
It's most probably a rebound and it'll end. Rebound relationships tend to move faster than normal ones. You still mean a lot to him and there's a good chance the letter will work.
Hi Kevin,
Some updates. One of our mutual friends told me that he had lunch with him yesterday. and my friend told him I actually knew about that girl and the trip. The one thing he didn't tell him is I found all this out a day after the break. (so he can still lie about the cheating thing)
He told my friend to tell me not to wait. Because he can never come back to me, as he cannot face my parents after doing all this to me.
He mentioned he is trying to be with this girl, he's not sure if it's gonna work, he just want to give it a go.
My friend said he is really shocked that I knew everything, and that I knew he's lying when he made that promise regarding loyalty / single & alone.
my friend suggest me texting him and tell him I would wait for him.
I don't think this would help. But I am also worried that if I don't open the door and give him the easy way, he wont be bothered to come back.
Can you give me some advice? Thanks!
Thanks Kevin,
I took your advice and tried going out whenever invited, sometimes ask my friends to take me to different gathering to try to get to know more people.
But maybe I haven't attend these social events for a long time, I find it a bit difficult to blend in. I mostly just laugh along with their jokes, but I still feel a bit left out, and can't find any topic to interact with these new friends. It's like I couldn't pick up the pace I used to have before I meet my ex. Is this normal?
I have doubt as to whether he even need the time to get over our relationship, as I say I think this break up is planned a long time ago, and he already got himself emotionally detached before breaking up with me. If this is true, will that "pain" still exist? And even if there is, will it be sufficient for him to reach out to me again.
I understand I might be repeating questions over and over again, I just still couldn't completely remove him from my thinking.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin, in addition to the above, it's been almost 2 months since we breakup. As u suggested a 3 month no contact when I first post, meaning I can't contact him till end of August, I start feeling that my feelings for him are not so strong already..... Not like I don't like him, but less dependent.
If this happens to him as well, he might as well forgotten any memories and feelings he used to have towards me already:(
Hopefully can get some advice today, as your comments are my motivation now.
Thanks
You've had time to process your feelings and grieve and miss him. You feel better because you've gone through the pain. He, on the other hand, has been avoiding the pain and is finding comfort in his rebound. Avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. It only makes it stronger. This is one of the reasons I think his new relationship won't work. Read this article to learn more about rebounds.
On another note, even if his feelings are not so strong for you after NC, it's still not a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing if all the feelings of co-dependency are gone and you both feel happy in your life without each other. This will give you clean slate and an opportunity to start a new relationship altogether. On top of that, you both will be able to make a rational decision about whether or not it's a good idea to get back together instead of letting emotions control your life.
You've had time to process your feelings and grieve and miss him. You feel better because you've gone through the pain. He, on the other hand, has been avoiding the pain and is finding comfort in his rebound. Avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. It only makes it stronger. This is one of the reasons I think his new relationship won't work. Read this article to learn more about rebounds.
On another note, even if his feelings are not so strong for you after NC, it's still not a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing if all the feelings of co-dependency are gone and you both feel happy in your life without each other. This will give you clean slate and an opportunity to start a new relationship altogether. On top of that, you both will be able to make a rational decision about whether or not it's a good idea to get back together instead of letting emotions control your life.
You've had time to process your feelings and grieve and miss him. You feel better because you've gone through the pain. He, on the other hand, has been avoiding the pain and is finding comfort in his rebound. Avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. It only makes it stronger. This is one of the reasons I think his new relationship won't work. Read this article to learn more about rebounds.
On another note, even if his feelings are not so strong for you after NC, it's still not a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing if all the feelings of co-dependency are gone and you both feel happy in your life without each other. This will give you clean slate and an opportunity to start a new relationship altogether. On top of that, you both will be able to make a rational decision about whether or not it's a good idea to get back together instead of letting emotions control your life.
You've had time to process your feelings and grieve and miss him. You feel better because you've gone through the pain. He, on the other hand, has been avoiding the pain and is finding comfort in his rebound. Avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. It only makes it stronger. This is one of the reasons I think his new relationship won't work. Read this article to learn more about rebounds.
On another note, even if his feelings are not so strong for you after NC, it's still not a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing if all the feelings of co-dependency are gone and you both feel happy in your life without each other. This will give you clean slate and an opportunity to start a new relationship altogether. On top of that, you both will be able to make a rational decision about whether or not it's a good idea to get back together instead of letting emotions control your life.
You've had time to process your feelings and grieve and miss him. You feel better because you've gone through the pain. He, on the other hand, has been avoiding the pain and is finding comfort in his rebound. Avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. It only makes it stronger. This is one of the reasons I think his new relationship won't work. Read this article to learn more about rebounds.
On another note, even if his feelings are not so strong for you after NC, it's still not a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing if all the feelings of co-dependency are gone and you both feel happy in your life without each other. This will give you clean slate and an opportunity to start a new relationship altogether. On top of that, you both will be able to make a rational decision about whether or not it's a good idea to get back together instead of letting emotions control your life.
You've had time to process your feelings and grieve and miss him. You feel better because you've gone through the pain. He, on the other hand, has been avoiding the pain and is finding comfort in his rebound. Avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. It only makes it stronger. This is one of the reasons I think his new relationship won't work. Read this article to learn more about rebounds.
On another note, even if his feelings are not so strong for you after NC, it's still not a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing if all the feelings of co-dependency are gone and you both feel happy in your life without each other. This will give you clean slate and an opportunity to start a new relationship altogether. On top of that, you both will be able to make a rational decision about whether or not it's a good idea to get back together instead of letting emotions control your life.
Thanks for being so encouraging Kevin. I will try to be optimistic and look forward. Right now I am filling up my time with gatherings with friends and try to meet more people and keep myself busy.
Is it possible for him to realize himself that he wanted to come back to me?
because as you mentioned, I really want it to be HIS idea to come back and work on the relationship again. and him flirting with girls so easily is so not him. Can someone just changed so dramatically?
Why would he not contact me at all / ignore my messages? if I do NC for this long period of time, wouldn't it give them more time to develop this relationship?
My ex told me once he made a decision he'll not change his mind. and he really is this kind of person. I am avoiding anything about him at this moment, but i will think of him occasionally at night, and this keep me awake.
Thanks!
Perhaps, he is enjoying being single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Him flirting with girls is not a bad thing. There could be a lot of reasons he is not contacting you. I wrote about it in this comment.
Like I said before, it's probably a rebound. And rebounds don't usually work. Your contacting him wouldn't really matter much. If his new relationship is going to work, it'll work despite you contacting him. In fact, if you contact him with the hopes of him not getting serious with the other girl, he is probably going to try harder to make it work with her.
A lot of exes say that they won't change their mind. That's why you should take a subtle approach and don't let him realize that you want him to change his mind.
Perhaps, he is enjoying being single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Him flirting with girls is not a bad thing. There could be a lot of reasons he is not contacting you. I wrote about it in this comment.
Like I said before, it's probably a rebound. And rebounds don't usually work. Your contacting him wouldn't really matter much. If his new relationship is going to work, it'll work despite you contacting him. In fact, if you contact him with the hopes of him not getting serious with the other girl, he is probably going to try harder to make it work with her.
A lot of exes say that they won't change their mind. That's why you should take a subtle approach and don't let him realize that you want him to change his mind.
Perhaps, he is enjoying being single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Him flirting with girls is not a bad thing. There could be a lot of reasons he is not contacting you. I wrote about it in this comment.
Like I said before, it's probably a rebound. And rebounds don't usually work. Your contacting him wouldn't really matter much. If his new relationship is going to work, it'll work despite you contacting him. In fact, if you contact him with the hopes of him not getting serious with the other girl, he is probably going to try harder to make it work with her.
A lot of exes say that they won't change their mind. That's why you should take a subtle approach and don't let him realize that you want him to change his mind.
Perhaps, he is enjoying being single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Him flirting with girls is not a bad thing. There could be a lot of reasons he is not contacting you. I wrote about it in this comment.
Like I said before, it's probably a rebound. And rebounds don't usually work. Your contacting him wouldn't really matter much. If his new relationship is going to work, it'll work despite you contacting him. In fact, if you contact him with the hopes of him not getting serious with the other girl, he is probably going to try harder to make it work with her.
A lot of exes say that they won't change their mind. That's why you should take a subtle approach and don't let him realize that you want him to change his mind.
Perhaps, he is enjoying being single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Him flirting with girls is not a bad thing. There could be a lot of reasons he is not contacting you. I wrote about it in this comment.
Like I said before, it's probably a rebound. And rebounds don't usually work. Your contacting him wouldn't really matter much. If his new relationship is going to work, it'll work despite you contacting him. In fact, if you contact him with the hopes of him not getting serious with the other girl, he is probably going to try harder to make it work with her.
A lot of exes say that they won't change their mind. That's why you should take a subtle approach and don't let him realize that you want him to change his mind.
Perhaps, he is enjoying being single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Him flirting with girls is not a bad thing. There could be a lot of reasons he is not contacting you. I wrote about it in this comment.
Like I said before, it's probably a rebound. And rebounds don't usually work. Your contacting him wouldn't really matter much. If his new relationship is going to work, it'll work despite you contacting him. In fact, if you contact him with the hopes of him not getting serious with the other girl, he is probably going to try harder to make it work with her.
A lot of exes say that they won't change their mind. That's why you should take a subtle approach and don't let him realize that you want him to change his mind.
Thanks Kevin, Not sure why I can't reply to your latest comment, but as that trip is booked a day after the break, I am sure their relationship starts a long time ago. so his feelings for me might have gone a long time ago. Will this still be a rebound?
And while he's enjoying this new relationship, I just don't see how he can think of me. I mean why can this girl be so powerful? 6 years of relationship is pretty much very hard to replace.
And this girl is so different from me. She had all the qualities that he ask me to avoid when we're still dating.
I mean why would he want to come back at all. and why don't he just tell me he want to be with her, but pretend that he want this single & alone lifestyle.
And since he never check his email, can I use text instead? I just have a feeling that he will just ignore it.
Thanks.
Flora,
I understand from your point of view it might look like he is not thinking of you. Let me ask you this, imagine yourself in a relationship with another guy right now. He is the complete opposite of your ex. Do you think you would still be thinking of your ex? You should read this article on rebound relationships.
The reason he doesn't want you to know is because he doesn't want you to move on. He is afraid if you find out he is seeing someone, you will also start seeing someone and that scares him.
Yes, you can use text.
Flora,
I understand from your point of view it might look like he is not thinking of you. Let me ask you this, imagine yourself in a relationship with another guy right now. He is the complete opposite of your ex. Do you think you would still be thinking of your ex? You should read this article on rebound relationships.
The reason he doesn't want you to know is because he doesn't want you to move on. He is afraid if you find out he is seeing someone, you will also start seeing someone and that scares him.
Yes, you can use text.
Flora,
I understand from your point of view it might look like he is not thinking of you. Let me ask you this, imagine yourself in a relationship with another guy right now. He is the complete opposite of your ex. Do you think you would still be thinking of your ex? You should read this article on rebound relationships.
The reason he doesn't want you to know is because he doesn't want you to move on. He is afraid if you find out he is seeing someone, you will also start seeing someone and that scares him.
Yes, you can use text.
Flora,
I understand from your point of view it might look like he is not thinking of you. Let me ask you this, imagine yourself in a relationship with another guy right now. He is the complete opposite of your ex. Do you think you would still be thinking of your ex? You should read this article on rebound relationships.
The reason he doesn't want you to know is because he doesn't want you to move on. He is afraid if you find out he is seeing someone, you will also start seeing someone and that scares him.
Yes, you can use text.
Flora,
I understand from your point of view it might look like he is not thinking of you. Let me ask you this, imagine yourself in a relationship with another guy right now. He is the complete opposite of your ex. Do you think you would still be thinking of your ex? You should read this article on rebound relationships.
The reason he doesn't want you to know is because he doesn't want you to move on. He is afraid if you find out he is seeing someone, you will also start seeing someone and that scares him.
Yes, you can use text.
Flora,
I understand from your point of view it might look like he is not thinking of you. Let me ask you this, imagine yourself in a relationship with another guy right now. He is the complete opposite of your ex. Do you think you would still be thinking of your ex? You should read this article on rebound relationships.
The reason he doesn't want you to know is because he doesn't want you to move on. He is afraid if you find out he is seeing someone, you will also start seeing someone and that scares him.
Yes, you can use text.
Thanks Kevin,
I will give it a go, do the 3 month NC.
Just another question before I start, my ex is always very confident with his look. everyone else find him handsome, smart and charming. But he kind of have this anti-social personality.
I talked to some of our mutual friends, they thought even if this is a rebound, and it doesn't work out, he will just move on and find someone else instead of coming back to me, as he never need to do too much to get a new girlfriend. Is that something I need to worry about?
They all think that right now I mean nothing to him and he don't even have me in his mind, coz with this girl, no commitment is needed. and with me he will feel a lot of pressure as we're gonna have a family together according to our plan.
Thanks.
I can guarantee you that you will be on his mind more often than you think. That girl will provide him comfort, but she will also make it difficult for him to move on as he will not have the time to deal with the grief of the breakup.
I can guarantee you that you will be on his mind more often than you think. That girl will provide him comfort, but she will also make it difficult for him to move on as he will not have the time to deal with the grief of the breakup.
I can guarantee you that you will be on his mind more often than you think. That girl will provide him comfort, but she will also make it difficult for him to move on as he will not have the time to deal with the grief of the breakup.
I can guarantee you that you will be on his mind more often than you think. That girl will provide him comfort, but she will also make it difficult for him to move on as he will not have the time to deal with the grief of the breakup.
I can guarantee you that you will be on his mind more often than you think. That girl will provide him comfort, but she will also make it difficult for him to move on as he will not have the time to deal with the grief of the breakup.
I can guarantee you that you will be on his mind more often than you think. That girl will provide him comfort, but she will also make it difficult for him to move on as he will not have the time to deal with the grief of the breakup.
Hi Kevin,
Some updates. One of our mutual friends told me that he had lunch with him yesterday. and my friend told him I actually knew about that girl and the trip. The one thing he didn't tell him is I found all this out a day after the break. (so he can still lie about the cheating thing)
He told my friend to tell me not to wait. Because he can never come back to me, as he cannot face my parents after doing all this to me.
He mentioned he is trying to be with this girl, he's not sure if it's gonna work, he just want to give it a go.
My friend said he is really shocked that I knew everything, and that I knew he's lying when he made that promise regarding loyalty / single & alone.
my friend suggest me texting him and tell him I would wait for him.
I don't think this would help. But I am also worried that if I don't open the door and give him the easy way, he wont be bothered to come back.
Can you give me some advice? Thanks!
Thanks Kevin,
I took your advice and tried going out whenever invited, sometimes ask my friends to take me to different gathering to try to get to know more people.
But maybe I haven't attend these social events for a long time, I find it a bit difficult to blend in. I mostly just laugh along with their jokes, but I still feel a bit left out, and can't find any topic to interact with these new friends. It's like I couldn't pick up the pace I used to have before I meet my ex. Is this normal?
I have doubt as to whether he even need the time to get over our relationship, as I say I think this break up is planned a long time ago, and he already got himself emotionally detached before breaking up with me. If this is true, will that "pain" still exist? And even if there is, will it be sufficient for him to reach out to me again.
I understand I might be repeating questions over and over again, I just still couldn't completely remove him from my thinking.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin, in addition to the above, it's been almost 2 months since we breakup. As u suggested a 3 month no contact when I first post, meaning I can't contact him till end of August, I start feeling that my feelings for him are not so strong already..... Not like I don't like him, but less dependent.
If this happens to him as well, he might as well forgotten any memories and feelings he used to have towards me already:(
Hopefully can get some advice today, as your comments are my motivation now.
Thanks
Thanks for being so encouraging Kevin. I will try to be optimistic and look forward. Right now I am filling up my time with gatherings with friends and try to meet more people and keep myself busy.
Is it possible for him to realize himself that he wanted to come back to me?
because as you mentioned, I really want it to be HIS idea to come back and work on the relationship again. and him flirting with girls so easily is so not him. Can someone just changed so dramatically?
Why would he not contact me at all / ignore my messages? if I do NC for this long period of time, wouldn't it give them more time to develop this relationship?
My ex told me once he made a decision he'll not change his mind. and he really is this kind of person. I am avoiding anything about him at this moment, but i will think of him occasionally at night, and this keep me awake.
Thanks!
Thanks Kevin, Not sure why I can't reply to your latest comment, but as that trip is booked a day after the break, I am sure their relationship starts a long time ago. so his feelings for me might have gone a long time ago. Will this still be a rebound?
And while he's enjoying this new relationship, I just don't see how he can think of me. I mean why can this girl be so powerful? 6 years of relationship is pretty much very hard to replace.
And this girl is so different from me. She had all the qualities that he ask me to avoid when we're still dating.
I mean why would he want to come back at all. and why don't he just tell me he want to be with her, but pretend that he want this single & alone lifestyle.
And since he never check his email, can I use text instead? I just have a feeling that he will just ignore it.
Thanks.
Thanks Kevin,
I will give it a go, do the 3 month NC.
Just another question before I start, my ex is always very confident with his look. everyone else find him handsome, smart and charming. But he kind of have this anti-social personality.
I talked to some of our mutual friends, they thought even if this is a rebound, and it doesn't work out, he will just move on and find someone else instead of coming back to me, as he never need to do too much to get a new girlfriend. Is that something I need to worry about?
They all think that right now I mean nothing to him and he don't even have me in his mind, coz with this girl, no commitment is needed. and with me he will feel a lot of pressure as we're gonna have a family together according to our plan.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin,
Some updates. One of our mutual friends told me that he had lunch with him yesterday. and my friend told him I actually knew about that girl and the trip. The one thing he didn't tell him is I found all this out a day after the break. (so he can still lie about the cheating thing)
He told my friend to tell me not to wait. Because he can never come back to me, as he cannot face my parents after doing all this to me.
He mentioned he is trying to be with this girl, he's not sure if it's gonna work, he just want to give it a go.
My friend said he is really shocked that I knew everything, and that I knew he's lying when he made that promise regarding loyalty / single & alone.
my friend suggest me texting him and tell him I would wait for him.
I don't think this would help. But I am also worried that if I don't open the door and give him the easy way, he wont be bothered to come back.
Can you give me some advice? Thanks!
Thanks Kevin,
I took your advice and tried going out whenever invited, sometimes ask my friends to take me to different gathering to try to get to know more people.
But maybe I haven't attend these social events for a long time, I find it a bit difficult to blend in. I mostly just laugh along with their jokes, but I still feel a bit left out, and can't find any topic to interact with these new friends. It's like I couldn't pick up the pace I used to have before I meet my ex. Is this normal?
I have doubt as to whether he even need the time to get over our relationship, as I say I think this break up is planned a long time ago, and he already got himself emotionally detached before breaking up with me. If this is true, will that "pain" still exist? And even if there is, will it be sufficient for him to reach out to me again.
I understand I might be repeating questions over and over again, I just still couldn't completely remove him from my thinking.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin, in addition to the above, it's been almost 2 months since we breakup. As u suggested a 3 month no contact when I first post, meaning I can't contact him till end of August, I start feeling that my feelings for him are not so strong already..... Not like I don't like him, but less dependent.
If this happens to him as well, he might as well forgotten any memories and feelings he used to have towards me already:(
Hopefully can get some advice today, as your comments are my motivation now.
Thanks
Thanks for being so encouraging Kevin. I will try to be optimistic and look forward. Right now I am filling up my time with gatherings with friends and try to meet more people and keep myself busy.
Is it possible for him to realize himself that he wanted to come back to me?
because as you mentioned, I really want it to be HIS idea to come back and work on the relationship again. and him flirting with girls so easily is so not him. Can someone just changed so dramatically?
Why would he not contact me at all / ignore my messages? if I do NC for this long period of time, wouldn't it give them more time to develop this relationship?
My ex told me once he made a decision he'll not change his mind. and he really is this kind of person. I am avoiding anything about him at this moment, but i will think of him occasionally at night, and this keep me awake.
Thanks!
Thanks Kevin, Not sure why I can't reply to your latest comment, but as that trip is booked a day after the break, I am sure their relationship starts a long time ago. so his feelings for me might have gone a long time ago. Will this still be a rebound?
And while he's enjoying this new relationship, I just don't see how he can think of me. I mean why can this girl be so powerful? 6 years of relationship is pretty much very hard to replace.
And this girl is so different from me. She had all the qualities that he ask me to avoid when we're still dating.
I mean why would he want to come back at all. and why don't he just tell me he want to be with her, but pretend that he want this single & alone lifestyle.
And since he never check his email, can I use text instead? I just have a feeling that he will just ignore it.
Thanks.
Thanks Kevin,
I will give it a go, do the 3 month NC.
Just another question before I start, my ex is always very confident with his look. everyone else find him handsome, smart and charming. But he kind of have this anti-social personality.
I talked to some of our mutual friends, they thought even if this is a rebound, and it doesn't work out, he will just move on and find someone else instead of coming back to me, as he never need to do too much to get a new girlfriend. Is that something I need to worry about?
They all think that right now I mean nothing to him and he don't even have me in his mind, coz with this girl, no commitment is needed. and with me he will feel a lot of pressure as we're gonna have a family together according to our plan.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin,
Some updates. One of our mutual friends told me that he had lunch with him yesterday. and my friend told him I actually knew about that girl and the trip. The one thing he didn't tell him is I found all this out a day after the break. (so he can still lie about the cheating thing)
He told my friend to tell me not to wait. Because he can never come back to me, as he cannot face my parents after doing all this to me.
He mentioned he is trying to be with this girl, he's not sure if it's gonna work, he just want to give it a go.
My friend said he is really shocked that I knew everything, and that I knew he's lying when he made that promise regarding loyalty / single & alone.
my friend suggest me texting him and tell him I would wait for him.
I don't think this would help. But I am also worried that if I don't open the door and give him the easy way, he wont be bothered to come back.
Can you give me some advice? Thanks!
Thanks Kevin,
I took your advice and tried going out whenever invited, sometimes ask my friends to take me to different gathering to try to get to know more people.
But maybe I haven't attend these social events for a long time, I find it a bit difficult to blend in. I mostly just laugh along with their jokes, but I still feel a bit left out, and can't find any topic to interact with these new friends. It's like I couldn't pick up the pace I used to have before I meet my ex. Is this normal?
I have doubt as to whether he even need the time to get over our relationship, as I say I think this break up is planned a long time ago, and he already got himself emotionally detached before breaking up with me. If this is true, will that "pain" still exist? And even if there is, will it be sufficient for him to reach out to me again.
I understand I might be repeating questions over and over again, I just still couldn't completely remove him from my thinking.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin, in addition to the above, it's been almost 2 months since we breakup. As u suggested a 3 month no contact when I first post, meaning I can't contact him till end of August, I start feeling that my feelings for him are not so strong already..... Not like I don't like him, but less dependent.
If this happens to him as well, he might as well forgotten any memories and feelings he used to have towards me already:(
Hopefully can get some advice today, as your comments are my motivation now.
Thanks
Thanks for being so encouraging Kevin. I will try to be optimistic and look forward. Right now I am filling up my time with gatherings with friends and try to meet more people and keep myself busy.
Is it possible for him to realize himself that he wanted to come back to me?
because as you mentioned, I really want it to be HIS idea to come back and work on the relationship again. and him flirting with girls so easily is so not him. Can someone just changed so dramatically?
Why would he not contact me at all / ignore my messages? if I do NC for this long period of time, wouldn't it give them more time to develop this relationship?
My ex told me once he made a decision he'll not change his mind. and he really is this kind of person. I am avoiding anything about him at this moment, but i will think of him occasionally at night, and this keep me awake.
Thanks!
Thanks Kevin, Not sure why I can't reply to your latest comment, but as that trip is booked a day after the break, I am sure their relationship starts a long time ago. so his feelings for me might have gone a long time ago. Will this still be a rebound?
And while he's enjoying this new relationship, I just don't see how he can think of me. I mean why can this girl be so powerful? 6 years of relationship is pretty much very hard to replace.
And this girl is so different from me. She had all the qualities that he ask me to avoid when we're still dating.
I mean why would he want to come back at all. and why don't he just tell me he want to be with her, but pretend that he want this single & alone lifestyle.
And since he never check his email, can I use text instead? I just have a feeling that he will just ignore it.
Thanks.
Thanks Kevin,
I will give it a go, do the 3 month NC.
Just another question before I start, my ex is always very confident with his look. everyone else find him handsome, smart and charming. But he kind of have this anti-social personality.
I talked to some of our mutual friends, they thought even if this is a rebound, and it doesn't work out, he will just move on and find someone else instead of coming back to me, as he never need to do too much to get a new girlfriend. Is that something I need to worry about?
They all think that right now I mean nothing to him and he don't even have me in his mind, coz with this girl, no commitment is needed. and with me he will feel a lot of pressure as we're gonna have a family together according to our plan.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin,
Some updates. One of our mutual friends told me that he had lunch with him yesterday. and my friend told him I actually knew about that girl and the trip. The one thing he didn't tell him is I found all this out a day after the break. (so he can still lie about the cheating thing)
He told my friend to tell me not to wait. Because he can never come back to me, as he cannot face my parents after doing all this to me.
He mentioned he is trying to be with this girl, he's not sure if it's gonna work, he just want to give it a go.
My friend said he is really shocked that I knew everything, and that I knew he's lying when he made that promise regarding loyalty / single & alone.
my friend suggest me texting him and tell him I would wait for him.
I don't think this would help. But I am also worried that if I don't open the door and give him the easy way, he wont be bothered to come back.
Can you give me some advice? Thanks!
Thanks Kevin,
I took your advice and tried going out whenever invited, sometimes ask my friends to take me to different gathering to try to get to know more people.
But maybe I haven't attend these social events for a long time, I find it a bit difficult to blend in. I mostly just laugh along with their jokes, but I still feel a bit left out, and can't find any topic to interact with these new friends. It's like I couldn't pick up the pace I used to have before I meet my ex. Is this normal?
I have doubt as to whether he even need the time to get over our relationship, as I say I think this break up is planned a long time ago, and he already got himself emotionally detached before breaking up with me. If this is true, will that "pain" still exist? And even if there is, will it be sufficient for him to reach out to me again.
I understand I might be repeating questions over and over again, I just still couldn't completely remove him from my thinking.
Thanks.
Hi Kevin, in addition to the above, it's been almost 2 months since we breakup. As u suggested a 3 month no contact when I first post, meaning I can't contact him till end of August, I start feeling that my feelings for him are not so strong already..... Not like I don't like him, but less dependent.
If this happens to him as well, he might as well forgotten any memories and feelings he used to have towards me already:(
Hopefully can get some advice today, as your comments are my motivation now.
Thanks
Thanks for being so encouraging Kevin. I will try to be optimistic and look forward. Right now I am filling up my time with gatherings with friends and try to meet more people and keep myself busy.
Is it possible for him to realize himself that he wanted to come back to me?
because as you mentioned, I really want it to be HIS idea to come back and work on the relationship again. and him flirting with girls so easily is so not him. Can someone just changed so dramatically?
Why would he not contact me at all / ignore my messages? if I do NC for this long period of time, wouldn't it give them more time to develop this relationship?
My ex told me once he made a decision he'll not change his mind. and he really is this kind of person. I am avoiding anything about him at this moment, but i will think of him occasionally at night, and this keep me awake.
Thanks!
Thanks Kevin, Not sure why I can't reply to your latest comment, but as that trip is booked a day after the break, I am sure their relationship starts a long time ago. so his feelings for me might have gone a long time ago. Will this still be a rebound?
And while he's enjoying this new relationship, I just don't see how he can think of me. I mean why can this girl be so powerful? 6 years of relationship is pretty much very hard to replace.
And this girl is so different from me. She had all the qualities that he ask me to avoid when we're still dating.
I mean why would he want to come back at all. and why don't he just tell me he want to be with her, but pretend that he want this single & alone lifestyle.
And since he never check his email, can I use text instead? I just have a feeling that he will just ignore it.
Thanks.
Thanks Kevin,
I will give it a go, do the 3 month NC.
Just another question before I start, my ex is always very confident with his look. everyone else find him handsome, smart and charming. But he kind of have this anti-social personality.
I talked to some of our mutual friends, they thought even if this is a rebound, and it doesn't work out, he will just move on and find someone else instead of coming back to me, as he never need to do too much to get a new girlfriend. Is that something I need to worry about?
They all think that right now I mean nothing to him and he don't even have me in his mind, coz with this girl, no commitment is needed. and with me he will feel a lot of pressure as we're gonna have a family together according to our plan.
Thanks.
Hey Flora,
It's most probably a rebound and it'll end. Rebound relationships tend to move faster than normal ones. You still mean a lot to him and there's a good chance the letter will work.
Hey Flora,
It's most probably a rebound and it'll end. Rebound relationships tend to move faster than normal ones. You still mean a lot to him and there's a good chance the letter will work.
Hey Flora,
It's most probably a rebound and it'll end. Rebound relationships tend to move faster than normal ones. You still mean a lot to him and there's a good chance the letter will work.
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
I am currently doing NC. But yesterday my sister and her boyfriend ran into my ex on the street. and saw him with that girl, holding hands. (my ex didnt saw them) - so the girl flew in just for a weekend.... how can they develop so quickly? is that even possible?
I am not sure whether he has already moved on or in a rebound. I am just trying to figure out why he would ask me to stay as friends, but at the same time ask me not to contact him for the rest of this year. Why don't he just come clean? I have a hard time convincing myself that he had nothing with that girl before the break up, coz the Europe trip is booked 1 day after the break up.
They belonged to the same team in his company, so they work very closely together. (based in difference country though).
Can these 6 years mean nothing to him? I am just afraid the letter won't work as he is ignoring me already. As i thought there's no point for him to come back if he have this new girl with him....
Thanks!
Thanks for the reply Kevin.
I am currently doing NC. But yesterday my sister and her boyfriend ran into my ex on the street. and saw him with that girl, holding hands. (my ex didnt saw them) - so the girl flew in just for a weekend.... how can they develop so quickly? is that even possible?
I am not sure whether he has already moved on or in a rebound. I am just trying to figure out why he would ask me to stay as friends, but at the same time ask me not to contact him for the rest of this year. Why don't he just come clean? I have a hard time convincing myself that he had nothing with that girl before the break up, coz the Europe trip is booked 1 day after the break up.
They belonged to the same team in his company, so they work very closely together. (based in difference country though).
Can these 6 years mean nothing to him? I am just afraid the letter won't work as he is ignoring me already. As i thought there's no point for him to come back if he have this new girl with him....
Thanks!
Hey Fiora,
I don't think you should assume that girl had anything to do with the breakup. Most probably she didn't and he is just using her as a rebound. I'll recommend you do no contact for at least three months and use the letter mentioned in the article to get back in touch with him.
Hi Kevin,
it is about 3 days since we broke up. we were in an on and off relationship , we broke up for the same reason, sometimes a small arguments sometimes about my jealousy. we split up 5 times get back together 5 times, he always the one who end the relationship and he also the one who get back after a year or sometimes a month. now he said to me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship and just want to stay friends. i ask him if he loves someone and he said no (but i think he likes someone he just don't want me to know) , do you think that he will realized again that he loves me. he snapped because i always got angry with him even though he's not doing anything bad. maybe he get tired of me. he said he just don't know anymore what he feels right now. he said he doesn't love me. he wants to focus oh his study. Before he really do everything even though im kind a sadist. he just takes it all. he do everything i want . he said he loves me every time he end up a call or he chats me . but because we were in an on and off relationship i felt my trust to him went gone because i get hurt every time we got back together. when he comes back this February all i do was get back to the past and hurt him because i got hurt. but he take it all even he got hurt to what i have said. but now i really blame myself for not realizing it because i did not say i love you every time he say i love you . i did not realize his effort. because i think he just using me up because were always like that arguing about the past. he always hurt me to the point every time we broke up he likes another person. i thought his just lying and i don't want to believe again but if i go back to his messages it felt like he really loves me alot. now he said in time if we are meant for each other then okay if not then we are not meant to be. he said to me last night that he was not the right guy for me. it really hurts me alot. i said to him i dont wanna talk to him anymore because if we talked we are going to repeat from the past . do you he will come back after what i did to him.?
There's a good chance he will come back again. But I'll recommend you start no contact for at least four months. There's a very good chance that even after he comes back, he will leave again. Do you want to stay in this on and off relationship for the rest of your life?
There's a good chance he will come back again. But I'll recommend you start no contact for at least four months. There's a very good chance that even after he comes back, he will leave again. Do you want to stay in this on and off relationship for the rest of your life?
Hi kevin,
I did not receive any reply om.my last post. But anyway i need to ask something.
Me and my ex (who cheated on me and still with the new gf) are texting though the new girl doesnt know it and.she wouldn't allow it.
The thing is, i have a feeling that he is just texting me to boost his ego. Whenever we text, he is always telling me about the girl. Like a while a go, he told me he was not feeling well and then i asked him why, he said because he is not having enough sleep because he is always with the girl.. to cut everything short, it's like he is akways reminding me about his relationahip with the girl. An "in your face" thing. It hurts me so much but i'm pretending/acting cool about it.
I do not know what to do. I really want him back. :-(. Please help me. I'm desperate. Hope to get a reply from you soon. :-(. Help please
Just an additional information. He was also messing with my feelings i think. A while ago he asked me if we could meet then i replied "sure" . Then he said that he was just joking because he can't meet me coz his girlfriend will get mad at him if she found out. :-(. I just told him ok with a smiley. Then i told him just to pray for me on my interview andhe just replied "alright". :-(. What should i do? :-(.
It's a sign of immaturity and you reacted well to it. You should continue being cool. But don't be available to him all the time.
Okay thanks Kevin. I really love this guy but I still do not know if he still loves me or he is just playing with me. I do not know if we still have a chance.. I hope this will work.
Hey there,
I haven't received any text from my ex lately. I did not text him either. Should i let him initiate the contact or should i text him? Our last conversation was the one I told you about and that was 5 days ago. Help please.
Wait another week. If he doesn't text you, you should text him. Also, how long are you willing to stay in this situation? What if he never comes back and keeps staying in touch with you and giving you hope so you never move on? I'd recommend you set a time limit for yourself. If nothing happens by the end of that time limit, you should give him an ultimatum, he can have her or you. If he chooses her, you should cut all contact from him and move on.
Wait another week. If he doesn't text you, you should text him. Also, how long are you willing to stay in this situation? What if he never comes back and keeps staying in touch with you and giving you hope so you never move on? I'd recommend you set a time limit for yourself. If nothing happens by the end of that time limit, you should give him an ultimatum, he can have her or you. If he chooses her, you should cut all contact from him and move on.
Wait another week. If he doesn't text you, you should text him. Also, how long are you willing to stay in this situation? What if he never comes back and keeps staying in touch with you and giving you hope so you never move on? I'd recommend you set a time limit for yourself. If nothing happens by the end of that time limit, you should give him an ultimatum, he can have her or you. If he chooses her, you should cut all contact from him and move on.
Wait another week. If he doesn't text you, you should text him. Also, how long are you willing to stay in this situation? What if he never comes back and keeps staying in touch with you and giving you hope so you never move on? I'd recommend you set a time limit for yourself. If nothing happens by the end of that time limit, you should give him an ultimatum, he can have her or you. If he chooses her, you should cut all contact from him and move on.
Wait another week. If he doesn't text you, you should text him. Also, how long are you willing to stay in this situation? What if he never comes back and keeps staying in touch with you and giving you hope so you never move on? I'd recommend you set a time limit for yourself. If nothing happens by the end of that time limit, you should give him an ultimatum, he can have her or you. If he chooses her, you should cut all contact from him and move on.
Wait another week. If he doesn't text you, you should text him. Also, how long are you willing to stay in this situation? What if he never comes back and keeps staying in touch with you and giving you hope so you never move on? I'd recommend you set a time limit for yourself. If nothing happens by the end of that time limit, you should give him an ultimatum, he can have her or you. If he chooses her, you should cut all contact from him and move on.
Hey there,
I haven't received any text from my ex lately. I did not text him either. Should i let him initiate the contact or should i text him? Our last conversation was the one I told you about and that was 5 days ago. Help please.
Hey there,
I haven't received any text from my ex lately. I did not text him either. Should i let him initiate the contact or should i text him? Our last conversation was the one I told you about and that was 5 days ago. Help please.
Hey there,
I haven't received any text from my ex lately. I did not text him either. Should i let him initiate the contact or should i text him? Our last conversation was the one I told you about and that was 5 days ago. Help please.
Hey there,
I haven't received any text from my ex lately. I did not text him either. Should i let him initiate the contact or should i text him? Our last conversation was the one I told you about and that was 5 days ago. Help please.
Okay thanks Kevin. I really love this guy but I still do not know if he still loves me or he is just playing with me. I do not know if we still have a chance.. I hope this will work.
Okay thanks Kevin. I really love this guy but I still do not know if he still loves me or he is just playing with me. I do not know if we still have a chance.. I hope this will work.
Okay thanks Kevin. I really love this guy but I still do not know if he still loves me or he is just playing with me. I do not know if we still have a chance.. I hope this will work.
It's a sign of immaturity and you reacted well to it. You should continue being cool. But don't be available to him all the time.
It's a sign of immaturity and you reacted well to it. You should continue being cool. But don't be available to him all the time.
Just an additional information. He was also messing with my feelings i think. A while ago he asked me if we could meet then i replied "sure" . Then he said that he was just joking because he can't meet me coz his girlfriend will get mad at him if she found out. :-(. I just told him ok with a smiley. Then i told him just to pray for me on my interview andhe just replied "alright". :-(. What should i do? :-(.
He is 40 and I am 29. I waited the 35 days then sent him a "remember the time text, and said I hope all was well. He said yes and wished the same for me. I sent another text saying I was headed out with some friends and to enjoy his day. He said for me to do the same. After not hearing from him again I text 2 weeks later and asked could we get together or if he could give me a call. He said that seeing each other or talking on the phone probably isn't a good idea. I basically asked why it had to be that way when all we had were good times, and broke up because he needed to get himself "together, ", and not due to fighting. ... He stated that I didn't do anything wrong and he already told me that he cant be with anyone right now. My feelings came into play and I asked if he thought that one day he would be able to talk to me or see me again. No reply. I don't understand how a man who always talked about marriage and swore I would be his wife can go from those feelings, to not even wanting to talk to me only a few months later. What do I do now?
I forgot to mention that he said we nose dived into our relationship. We were together 5 months. He was only single for a month (he ended a 8 month relationship) and I was single for only 4 months when we got together. Was I just a rebound that fell in love too quick and need to move on, or is there some hope, and what do I do? I appreciate your help.
Kevin,
You said that we lost the spark. Is there a way to get it back after NC? Can you give any advice? Thanks.
Hey Daniel,
The steps in the article are very effective in reigniting the spark. Especially the part about making positive changes in your life.
Hey Daniel,
The steps in the article are very effective in reigniting the spark. Especially the part about making positive changes in your life.
Hey Daniel,
The steps in the article are very effective in reigniting the spark. Especially the part about making positive changes in your life.
Hey Daniel,
The steps in the article are very effective in reigniting the spark. Especially the part about making positive changes in your life.
He just wrote back and said its possible..
That's Good. Give him another 1-2 months of no contact.
That's Good. Give him another 1-2 months of no contact.
That's Good. Give him another 1-2 months of no contact.
That's Good. Give him another 1-2 months of no contact.
Kevin,
You said that we lost the spark. Is there a way to get it back after NC? Can you give any advice? Thanks.
He just wrote back and said its possible..
Kevin,
You said that we lost the spark. Is there a way to get it back after NC? Can you give any advice? Thanks.
He just wrote back and said its possible..
I forgot to mention that he said we nose dived into our relationship. We were together 5 months. He was only single for a month (he ended a 8 month relationship) and I was single for only 4 months when we got together. Was I just a rebound that fell in love too quick and need to move on, or is there some hope, and what do I do? I appreciate your help.
My gf broke up with me over a month ago, after the break up i made all the mistakes i anyone would do being desperate and needy, i started nc today coz all ive seemed to do is say hurtful things or begged for her to take me back, i was texting her yesterday telling her im sorry for the things i put her through and that im not im not the same guy i was back then, last time we did nc it only lasted a week then we got back together, ive said some really hurtful things out of anger and i think ive really ruined my chances, she said she loves me like she loves her brother but shes not in love with me, any advice?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
My ex and I were together for 8 months. During the last month I got into a real negative funk and felt really down about myself. I felt bitter about something that happened at work. Prior to this our relatonship was great. We almost never argued and if we did I always tried to make it funny by doing something silly. I fell in love with her and most people I talk to say they saw she fell in love with me. Because of my funk I said three weeks ago maybe we should end it. I didn't really mean it but I panicked when she asked if I loved her. I said no but I was afraid because of my parents divorce and how it affected me. We are 30 and 31. After a week of texting and flowers I went over and talked to her. She said things that weren't true and made me seem like the worst thing that ever happened to her. She had previously told me many times I was the best boyfriend she ever had. I don't know if all the things she said that weren't true were just out of anger. What should I do? I love her and I haven't contacted her since that day but I did send her a present a week ago.
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Does the present count as breaking no contact? I didn't see her at all I just had it mailed to her house.
I don't know if all those things she said were out of anger. I bought her a dog for Christmas and she loves him. She said it many times but when we spoke she was so quick to say take him if it will make you feel better.
What do you think?
It's preferred if you start no contact again after sending her the present.
It's preferred if you start no contact again after sending her the present.
It's preferred if you start no contact again after sending her the present.
It's preferred if you start no contact again after sending her the present.
Does the present count as breaking no contact? I didn't see her at all I just had it mailed to her house.
I don't know if all those things she said were out of anger. I bought her a dog for Christmas and she loves him. She said it many times but when we spoke she was so quick to say take him if it will make you feel better.
What do you think?
Does the present count as breaking no contact? I didn't see her at all I just had it mailed to her house.
I don't know if all those things she said were out of anger. I bought her a dog for Christmas and she loves him. She said it many times but when we spoke she was so quick to say take him if it will make you feel better.
What do you think?
You should follow the 5 step plan.
So, I had a 9-month relationship with 32 years old man, I’m 19 years old. We met at work. He broke up with me 3 days ago at work. Our relationship was really nice, he often told me that after all his experiences I’m the love of his life and that he had never felt that good with anybody else. He really loved me, I’m pretty sure about that. It was my first relationship so after some time I started to feel a bit uncomfortable and did not know what to feel. I was really rude to him, always mad at him for nothing etc, he really tried to do anything to help me but it obviously did not work. At that time something broke inside of him and since then, he couldn’t love me the way he did. Plus a very good friend of his started to flirt with him etc and he slowly fell in love with her. Because he felt something for her 3 years ago already so it just came back. I realised I truly loved him and wanted him back. So we decided we will give ourselves some time. It took about month and a half and he broke up with me because he just didnt feel it anymore. He said he still has some feelings for me, but she’s the right girl for him, they have a lot in common and that he feels he can be happier with her than with anybody else. He still wants to be friends, to go cycling together or to have dinner together, he doesn’t want me to end up in work because my company is very lovely etc…what do you think? Will he realise after some time what he had lost and come back to me? Will he only have the rebound relationship with her?
Hey,
There's a chance that it's a rebound. But there's also a chance that it might work with her. You should follow the steps in the article. If it doesn't work, you should try to move on.
Hey,
There's a chance that it's a rebound. But there's also a chance that it might work with her. You should follow the steps in the article. If it doesn't work, you should try to move on.
Hi kelvin.i was in a serious relationship all my bf talked about was marriage. But suddenly every thin changed.we had series of misunderstanding and then things just went apart and we broke.so after a week i apologised but he keeps saying everything is fine while nothing is he dont call when he promise to.i asked him if he was still interested but he does answer me he says he ll talk to me when his ready.what should i do?
Follow the steps in the article.
Follow the steps in the article.
Hello,
Well I sent her an email 34 days later and we started to talk again for about 3 weeks and also saw each other for about 2 weeks. She said they broke it off because they were having problems. she started being funny after the 3rd week and she wanted some space from me and be alone. come to find out she had contacted him and started to see him again and didn’t want to be mean and hurt my feelings. I found out on my own (gut feeling) he doesn’t know she was seeing me or talking to me, if was to find out he would seriously cut her off for good because he already was having trust issues while they were trying to work it out because he was afraid she would look for me (she told me all this BTW)
we considered ourselves friends with benefits as she called it. But now it’s nothing and she went back, she said she loved him still and is not in love with me, but yet she still came back. She is not blocking me this time and I am not calling her except when I need to talk to her about business or something important that does not have to do with us......
well, I am starting to realize to let her be completely and just let her go......I can see they will continue to have issues since they always did for the 5yrs they were together and also the 2yrs she was with me (remember she kept running to him when we had problems) I am just worn out and tired of this ......as I mentioned to you I am 41 and she is 27 so I need to just figure out my next step and see where my faith is going with Gods will. Should I reach out to him and let him know what happen what she was doing? He has never contacted me so I would feel a little stupid and lesser man then him if so, what do you think? They say Karma is a B^%$ ch and it comes out later.....
What do you think Kevin about all this?
Hey,
That's a tricky question. There relationship is probably not going to work out regardless of whether you contact him. If you are absolutely sure you don't want her back, then there's no harm in contacting him. Of course, you should be prepared for a shitstorm from your ex after that.
Hello Kevin,
Well I don’t know what will happen; I don’t want to have all that stress in my life and also don’t need drama. As I mentioned to you he has never contacted me for anything at all. I don’t want to make myself out to be the lesser man and a Puss.
She always said "if it’s meant to be then it will happen, God's will is stronger than anything" she meant if her and I were to be together again.
I just don’t understand why she keeps staying with this guy and loves him when he has not asked her to marry him and they were together for 5yrs and known each other 7yrs (two of those yrs she was with me). As I mentioned to you in previous blogs that they have never lived together, her and I did for those two yrs.
Only time will tell what will happen, not much I can do. I don’t want her to hate me either, even though she hide me for those 3wks. but I have always been the bigger person, even though she said she loves him and not me, I always stood my ground and made her know that I loved her and cared for her and the baby.
Her daughter will be leaving for the summer and that will leave her to be alone with him or by herself (not sure). She is not a person that likes to be alone that is why she was going back and forth to each of us. Her parents have told her she needs to be alone for a while also she tells me that but she cannot be alone. I don’t know what will happen this summer since they will be spending a lot of time together, but as you mentioned that the relationship is probably not going to work out. She said he is stuck in his own ways and hard to break him out of it. He is 39.
I will just let time continue and let God lead my faith. I cannot do anything to make her realize who I am for her. I don’t want to make her upset nor hate me so I don’t think I should contact him. Not because I want her back, but we did have a good friendship and I don’t want to lose that if that’s all we can have.
We are still friends on FB and we still have all our pics up, and mutual friends. I was being nicer her to her when she came back and also the baby I treated her better and more loving, but she went back to him. I am so lost and confused with this mess I just don’t know what to do anymore…….
What do you think?
Hey,
Sorry I missed this comment. OK, from what you said, it seems she is one of those people who are constantly looking for a relationship they can fix. I don't want to get into all the psychology here (and I might be wrong since I am not her therapist), but some people just opt to go for an unhealthy relationship under the disguise of love. It's an unhealthy pattern. I don't know where it originated (in most cases, it's from parents being in an unhealthy relationship), but it's very real for a lot of people. They constantly choose an unhealthy relationship (thinking that they love the person and hoping they can change them), over a healthy relationship.
There's a good chance that if she is able to change him and have him treat her with respect, she will stop loving him. It's the constant need to FIX him that is making her feel like she loves him.
Hello Kevin,
I wrote you back but have not got a respond?
Sincerely,
BK
Hey,
Sorry I missed this comment. OK, from what you said, it seems she is one of those people who are constantly looking for a relationship they can fix. I don't want to get into all the psychology here (and I might be wrong since I am not her therapist), but some people just opt to go for an unhealthy relationship under the disguise of love. It's an unhealthy pattern. I don't know where it originated (in most cases, it's from parents being in an unhealthy relationship), but it's very real for a lot of people. They constantly choose an unhealthy relationship (thinking that they love the person and hoping they can change them), over a healthy relationship.
There's a good chance that if she is able to change him and have him treat her with respect, she will stop loving him. It's the constant need to FIX him that is making her feel like she loves him.
Hello Kevin,
I wrote you back but have not got a respond?
Sincerely,
BK
Hey,
Sorry I missed this comment. OK, from what you said, it seems she is one of those people who are constantly looking for a relationship they can fix. I don't want to get into all the psychology here (and I might be wrong since I am not her therapist), but some people just opt to go for an unhealthy relationship under the disguise of love. It's an unhealthy pattern. I don't know where it originated (in most cases, it's from parents being in an unhealthy relationship), but it's very real for a lot of people. They constantly choose an unhealthy relationship (thinking that they love the person and hoping they can change them), over a healthy relationship.
There's a good chance that if she is able to change him and have him treat her with respect, she will stop loving him. It's the constant need to FIX him that is making her feel like she loves him.
Hello Kevin,
I wrote you back but have not got a respond?
Sincerely,
BK
Hey,
Sorry I missed this comment. OK, from what you said, it seems she is one of those people who are constantly looking for a relationship they can fix. I don't want to get into all the psychology here (and I might be wrong since I am not her therapist), but some people just opt to go for an unhealthy relationship under the disguise of love. It's an unhealthy pattern. I don't know where it originated (in most cases, it's from parents being in an unhealthy relationship), but it's very real for a lot of people. They constantly choose an unhealthy relationship (thinking that they love the person and hoping they can change them), over a healthy relationship.
There's a good chance that if she is able to change him and have him treat her with respect, she will stop loving him. It's the constant need to FIX him that is making her feel like she loves him.
Hello Kevin,
I wrote you back but have not got a respond?
Sincerely,
BK
Hello Kevin,
Well I don’t know what will happen; I don’t want to have all that stress in my life and also don’t need drama. As I mentioned to you he has never contacted me for anything at all. I don’t want to make myself out to be the lesser man and a Puss.
She always said "if it’s meant to be then it will happen, God's will is stronger than anything" she meant if her and I were to be together again.
I just don’t understand why she keeps staying with this guy and loves him when he has not asked her to marry him and they were together for 5yrs and known each other 7yrs (two of those yrs she was with me). As I mentioned to you in previous blogs that they have never lived together, her and I did for those two yrs.
Only time will tell what will happen, not much I can do. I don’t want her to hate me either, even though she hide me for those 3wks. but I have always been the bigger person, even though she said she loves him and not me, I always stood my ground and made her know that I loved her and cared for her and the baby.
Her daughter will be leaving for the summer and that will leave her to be alone with him or by herself (not sure). She is not a person that likes to be alone that is why she was going back and forth to each of us. Her parents have told her she needs to be alone for a while also she tells me that but she cannot be alone. I don’t know what will happen this summer since they will be spending a lot of time together, but as you mentioned that the relationship is probably not going to work out. She said he is stuck in his own ways and hard to break him out of it. He is 39.
I will just let time continue and let God lead my faith. I cannot do anything to make her realize who I am for her. I don’t want to make her upset nor hate me so I don’t think I should contact him. Not because I want her back, but we did have a good friendship and I don’t want to lose that if that’s all we can have.
We are still friends on FB and we still have all our pics up, and mutual friends. I was being nicer her to her when she came back and also the baby I treated her better and more loving, but she went back to him. I am so lost and confused with this mess I just don’t know what to do anymore…….
What do you think?
Hello Kevin,
Well I don’t know what will happen; I don’t want to have all that stress in my life and also don’t need drama. As I mentioned to you he has never contacted me for anything at all. I don’t want to make myself out to be the lesser man and a Puss.
She always said "if it’s meant to be then it will happen, God's will is stronger than anything" she meant if her and I were to be together again.
I just don’t understand why she keeps staying with this guy and loves him when he has not asked her to marry him and they were together for 5yrs and known each other 7yrs (two of those yrs she was with me). As I mentioned to you in previous blogs that they have never lived together, her and I did for those two yrs.
Only time will tell what will happen, not much I can do. I don’t want her to hate me either, even though she hide me for those 3wks. but I have always been the bigger person, even though she said she loves him and not me, I always stood my ground and made her know that I loved her and cared for her and the baby.
Her daughter will be leaving for the summer and that will leave her to be alone with him or by herself (not sure). She is not a person that likes to be alone that is why she was going back and forth to each of us. Her parents have told her she needs to be alone for a while also she tells me that but she cannot be alone. I don’t know what will happen this summer since they will be spending a lot of time together, but as you mentioned that the relationship is probably not going to work out. She said he is stuck in his own ways and hard to break him out of it. He is 39.
I will just let time continue and let God lead my faith. I cannot do anything to make her realize who I am for her. I don’t want to make her upset nor hate me so I don’t think I should contact him. Not because I want her back, but we did have a good friendship and I don’t want to lose that if that’s all we can have.
We are still friends on FB and we still have all our pics up, and mutual friends. I was being nicer her to her when she came back and also the baby I treated her better and more loving, but she went back to him. I am so lost and confused with this mess I just don’t know what to do anymore…….
What do you think?
Hey,
That's a tricky question. There relationship is probably not going to work out regardless of whether you contact him. If you are absolutely sure you don't want her back, then there's no harm in contacting him. Of course, you should be prepared for a shitstorm from your ex after that.
Hi Kevin,
I finished a 30+ day no contact period, and reached out to my ex this past weekend (together for about 1.5 years). For a few days, we casually had friendly texts (kept light with "haha"s). Then, she said something to the extent of: "it's great we can be friendly, I'm glad for that, however I'm not sure if there is a motive behind this". I ended the chat positively saying I'm just being friendly, which is genuinely true. She ended her final messages with smiley faces, and happy that I'm doing well.. I reciprocated the feelings, with a possible catching up in the coming weeks.
I'm making big, positive changes to get away from the needy, desperate, clingy boyfriend she knew. It's been wonderful to feel these changes!!
What are your thoughts on how to proceed, or what my next step is?
Other info: We were taking a "break/purgatory" (her idea) a month before the final break-up. We will be back in college together in 2 months after her summer job concludes.
Take things slowly. Let it be her idea to get back together. She will probably feel attracted to you again when you guys meet and start hanging out.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks again! Would you recommend NC for another week or two before I reach out again (if she doesn't contact me)? Since we wont see each other for 2 months, I'm not sure if contacting her sporadically over the summer is a good idea or not... I'd like to keep the conversations light and friendly of course. I'd want her to sense the changes I'm making, before she sees them!
It might be a good idea to keep in touch during summer. If she doesn't contact you, you should do NC for another week or two.
It might be a good idea to keep in touch during summer. If she doesn't contact you, you should do NC for another week or two.
It might be a good idea to keep in touch during summer. If she doesn't contact you, you should do NC for another week or two.
It might be a good idea to keep in touch during summer. If she doesn't contact you, you should do NC for another week or two.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks again! Would you recommend NC for another week or two before I reach out again (if she doesn't contact me)? Since we wont see each other for 2 months, I'm not sure if contacting her sporadically over the summer is a good idea or not... I'd like to keep the conversations light and friendly of course. I'd want her to sense the changes I'm making, before she sees them!
Hi Kevin,
Thanks again! Would you recommend NC for another week or two before I reach out again (if she doesn't contact me)? Since we wont see each other for 2 months, I'm not sure if contacting her sporadically over the summer is a good idea or not... I'd like to keep the conversations light and friendly of course. I'd want her to sense the changes I'm making, before she sees them!
Take things slowly. Let it be her idea to get back together. She will probably feel attracted to you again when you guys meet and start hanging out.
My boyfriend of six and a half years broke up with me end of April. We are both 22, turning 23 this summer/fall. This past year he was living 40 minutes away for school and hockey, and we didn't see each other as much because I work at a bar therefore working a lot of weekends. He told me a few days before he ended it that he was thinking about leaving me but he "didn't want to be done yet" and "didn't want to hurt me." He ended up breaking up with me the night he moved back home for the summer, saying his reasoning was that he didn't want to be an "absentee boyfriend" meaning he was going to be very busy training this summer for hockey. But after six years together, I already knew he is busy in the summertime with training and we have made it work before. He said I deserved someone who could spend a lot of time with me and that I needed to experience life without him and branch out. Of course I was all very confused and later he ended up saying that he lost feelings for me over the last 8 months while he was at school, because I didn't come visit as often as I should have. Even though we talked every day, he said that he felt very alone and after some time he started having more fun with his teammates and friends and it got to a point where he liked being "alone" more than be liked being in a relationship with me. He said he "just wants to be friends" and that he is moving on and suggests I do the same. At first when he first ended things he said "I don't want to say it's over for good, I just need alone time" but now he is saying he doesn't think he will come back and that he doesn't want a relationship with me anymore, and he is being very cold. His words were "I don't want to 100% rule out us being together again but I don't really see myself coming back." But whenever he says that, he will always add "but I don't know what will happen in a few months." I made the mistake of being the needy, desperate ex over the last few weeks, mainly because the break up felt like it was out of no where and I was in such shock. I would go a few days without texting him then just bombard him with texts. We haven't talked in three days and I plan on going the month of June with no contact so I can focus on myself. I feel like part of him wants to see me branch out and go out and do things with friends. I would really love to have a relationship with him again, though. His family is devastated and his friends are all shocked about the break up. Any advice you can give on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Hey Rachel,
I think you should follow the plan and you have a good chance of getting him back if you do so.
Hi Kevin,
I had gone over a week with no contact and we ended up texting yesterday and at first it was really nice and casual, but then my emotions took over and I guess you could say I started "begging" again. My ex eventually said he's not coming back and that he's been pushed to the point of no return. Oh how I wish I could undo this. I knew it wasn't helping anything but I still continued to do it. I plan on going no contact again for much longer, through June like I originally planned, but what would your advice be on this? Do you think I ruined it for good? Right now it seems that way but I'm not sure what it might be like after going a long time with no talking and he maybe removes these negative associations with me.
My ex is VERY stubborn. He doesn't like to admit he's wrong or when he's made a mistake. I've definitely pushed him further away by pushing him to get back together. By saying I think there's hope for us, he might have taken it as me telling him that he's wrong and making a wrong decision which is why he's getting so hateful and stubborn saying he's not coming back. After I go through no contact again, I'd like to email him asking if he wants to meet for coffee to catch up. We haven't seen each other since the end of March, the last time I went to visit him at school. What is your advice? I know trying to appeal to him logically isn't going to get me the reaction I'm looking for, but I'm not sure now to get the reaction I'm looking for.
Hey Rachel,
I think you should restart NC from the time you last contacted him. Also, I'll recommend you send him the letter mentioned in the plan before inviting him to coffee.
Hey Rachel,
I think you should restart NC from the time you last contacted him. Also, I'll recommend you send him the letter mentioned in the plan before inviting him to coffee.
Hey Rachel,
I think you should restart NC from the time you last contacted him. Also, I'll recommend you send him the letter mentioned in the plan before inviting him to coffee.
Hey Rachel,
I think you should restart NC from the time you last contacted him. Also, I'll recommend you send him the letter mentioned in the plan before inviting him to coffee.
Hey Rachel,
I think you should restart NC from the time you last contacted him. Also, I'll recommend you send him the letter mentioned in the plan before inviting him to coffee.
My ex is VERY stubborn. He doesn't like to admit he's wrong or when he's made a mistake. I've definitely pushed him further away by pushing him to get back together. By saying I think there's hope for us, he might have taken it as me telling him that he's wrong and making a wrong decision which is why he's getting so hateful and stubborn saying he's not coming back. After I go through no contact again, I'd like to email him asking if he wants to meet for coffee to catch up. We haven't seen each other since the end of March, the last time I went to visit him at school. What is your advice? I know trying to appeal to him logically isn't going to get me the reaction I'm looking for, but I'm not sure now to get the reaction I'm looking for.
My ex is VERY stubborn. He doesn't like to admit he's wrong or when he's made a mistake. I've definitely pushed him further away by pushing him to get back together. By saying I think there's hope for us, he might have taken it as me telling him that he's wrong and making a wrong decision which is why he's getting so hateful and stubborn saying he's not coming back. After I go through no contact again, I'd like to email him asking if he wants to meet for coffee to catch up. We haven't seen each other since the end of March, the last time I went to visit him at school. What is your advice? I know trying to appeal to him logically isn't going to get me the reaction I'm looking for, but I'm not sure now to get the reaction I'm looking for.
My ex is VERY stubborn. He doesn't like to admit he's wrong or when he's made a mistake. I've definitely pushed him further away by pushing him to get back together. By saying I think there's hope for us, he might have taken it as me telling him that he's wrong and making a wrong decision which is why he's getting so hateful and stubborn saying he's not coming back. After I go through no contact again, I'd like to email him asking if he wants to meet for coffee to catch up. We haven't seen each other since the end of March, the last time I went to visit him at school. What is your advice? I know trying to appeal to him logically isn't going to get me the reaction I'm looking for, but I'm not sure now to get the reaction I'm looking for.
Hi Kevin,
I had gone over a week with no contact and we ended up texting yesterday and at first it was really nice and casual, but then my emotions took over and I guess you could say I started "begging" again. My ex eventually said he's not coming back and that he's been pushed to the point of no return. Oh how I wish I could undo this. I knew it wasn't helping anything but I still continued to do it. I plan on going no contact again for much longer, through June like I originally planned, but what would your advice be on this? Do you think I ruined it for good? Right now it seems that way but I'm not sure what it might be like after going a long time with no talking and he maybe removes these negative associations with me.
Hi Kevin,
I had gone over a week with no contact and we ended up texting yesterday and at first it was really nice and casual, but then my emotions took over and I guess you could say I started "begging" again. My ex eventually said he's not coming back and that he's been pushed to the point of no return. Oh how I wish I could undo this. I knew it wasn't helping anything but I still continued to do it. I plan on going no contact again for much longer, through June like I originally planned, but what would your advice be on this? Do you think I ruined it for good? Right now it seems that way but I'm not sure what it might be like after going a long time with no talking and he maybe removes these negative associations with me.
Hey Rachel,
I think you should follow the plan and you have a good chance of getting him back if you do so.
For everyone. I hope this motivates and inspire you during NC.
http://www.powerfulintentions.org/m/discussion?id=1335877%3ATopic%3A1146126
Kevin,
I just heard about her from her sister. They had a conversation over he phone. Her sister asked her about us and her lovelife. My ex answered that she doesnt know and still confused. She feels like she just eant to be friends with everyone. Does this statement mean anything and hinder my plans for further progress?
May be she isbt prioritiZing having a relationship?
Thanks.
Doesn't change anything. Don't over-think it. The fact she is confused is a good sign.
Doesn't change anything. Don't over-think it. The fact she is confused is a good sign.
So in my previous comment I want some clarification. Do you think I should send an email in the format of the magic letter, or just a regular old email or text message?
I appreciate the help! Without your advice, I probably would have annoyed her to death by now. No contact has helped me make myself a better man.
If you want to send the magic letter (which I recommend), do it by email. You also have the option to skip it and go directly to the text messages.
Also is it bad if she didn't contact me at all during the no contact time?
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
If you want to send the magic letter (which I recommend), do it by email. You also have the option to skip it and go directly to the text messages.
Also is it bad if she didn't contact me at all during the no contact time?
kelvin,
its been 2 months my gf (21) broke up with me (23). Now im over my NC period and i even started to text with her.. though those text msg she sent to me was kinda cold. but still we did manage to talk for certain while. But during the chat, she was telling me that even if i had did those stupid things, she has no feelings on me for such a long time already. she also said that it is good that u change but if its for me all i can say is that its too late... somehow i realize that our past makes some impacts for my life as it just make me worse... kelvin what can i do now ??
by any chance do i still able to get her back?
Do NC for another week and text her again. This time, keep the conversation light and don't talk about your changes. To be honest, your chances look slim.
Kelvin,
Wad should I write on the text? Chances are slim?? Is there any other ways I could get back to her again?
Hey Sean,
You can use another one of the examples in the article. Or, if you have relationship rewind, there are a lot of texting examples in it. I say your chances are slim because she is honest about her feelings and she has just been cold towards you. You can still try, but you should set a time limit for yourself (like 2-3 months). If things don't work out by then, you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Sean,
You can use another one of the examples in the article. Or, if you have relationship rewind, there are a lot of texting examples in it. I say your chances are slim because she is honest about her feelings and she has just been cold towards you. You can still try, but you should set a time limit for yourself (like 2-3 months). If things don't work out by then, you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Sean,
You can use another one of the examples in the article. Or, if you have relationship rewind, there are a lot of texting examples in it. I say your chances are slim because she is honest about her feelings and she has just been cold towards you. You can still try, but you should set a time limit for yourself (like 2-3 months). If things don't work out by then, you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Sean,
You can use another one of the examples in the article. Or, if you have relationship rewind, there are a lot of texting examples in it. I say your chances are slim because she is honest about her feelings and she has just been cold towards you. You can still try, but you should set a time limit for yourself (like 2-3 months). If things don't work out by then, you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Sean,
You can use another one of the examples in the article. Or, if you have relationship rewind, there are a lot of texting examples in it. I say your chances are slim because she is honest about her feelings and she has just been cold towards you. You can still try, but you should set a time limit for yourself (like 2-3 months). If things don't work out by then, you should concentrate on moving on.
Kelvin,
Wad should I write on the text? Chances are slim?? Is there any other ways I could get back to her again?
Kelvin,
Wad should I write on the text? Chances are slim?? Is there any other ways I could get back to her again?
Kelvin,
Wad should I write on the text? Chances are slim?? Is there any other ways I could get back to her again?
Do NC for another week and text her again. This time, keep the conversation light and don't talk about your changes. To be honest, your chances look slim.
Do NC for another week and text her again. This time, keep the conversation light and don't talk about your changes. To be honest, your chances look slim.
by any chance do i still able to get her back?
Hi Kevin
I posted a comment (well more like a long story) here yesterday and I can't find my comment or the reply. Please help, I miss him and I don't know if I'm making a mistake and pushing him away by not seeing him anymore. I want to know if there's a way I can get him back without NC for 30 days. If I go 30 days without talking to him, what if he realizes he can do it too and decides that it means he doesn't care about talking to me?
Hey Haley,
It's OK even if he realizes that he can live without you. You should realize that you can be happy without him too. The reason he will want to get back with you should not be because he can't live without you. It should be because you make him happier and he prefers to live a life with you.
Thank you, Kevin. I think that's very insightful and to me makes perfect sense. But I know he's said before that he thinks when you really love someone, it's not just someone you want to be with but someone you can't live without. Granted it was a year ago he said this, so do you think there's a good chance he would forget that idea and miss me if I stopped talking to him for 30 days or feel hurt and betrayed and make up his mind he doesn't want to be with me?
It seems my first comment isn't here so I'll fill you in on what happened. I'm 18 and he just turned 19, we were together for a year and a half and as close as two people could be, best of friends, and were very happy. Then this September he started school again for the year and this year I wasn't in school with him, and his job worked him most nights after school and I also got a new job so we started to see eachother less. Then at the end of January he said he feels that we are incompatible or that our traits don't match up (he means personality, sense of humor, ideas) and that he thinks we "won't work out after a while". I think a lot of our ideas/ values match up mostly and the rest doesn't matter to me and we'll change a lot over the years given our ages but he didn't think the same way. But then he says he doesn't want to lose me and didn't want to end the relationship. I ended it for my own good even though I didn't want to, because I didn't want to be with him if he felt that way.
We've still been texting every day just as we always have and occasionally seeing eachother until a month ago after there was some awkwardness last time we saw eachother and he asked to see me another time and I told him I didn't want to see eachother anymore aside from events or being with our mutual friends. We've only spent time together once since then which was to go with a friend of mine to prom and he was my date. It seems he wants to see me, he made a comment a couple weeks ago saying I could "come with him sometime" to this gym he suddenly started going to. And 2 days ago he out of the blue asked me if I was working that day, which he never does but then he didn't ask to see me.
I don't know how to change his mind about us and give it another try. I've tried telling him I don't need or want a marriage proposal anytime soon or anything, but I didn't want to be with him if he thought there was no prospect of that someday. And that I thought we were doing fine and maybe things have just gotten a little stale because the relationship is no longer new and we don't see eachother much. Or I think he might just be really stressed from school and work and trying to graduate. But anytime I try to talk to him about this stuff, he essentially has nothing to say or he'd ask to see me later and then we'd just hang out.
What are your thoughts on this?
Haley,
I think he is having the Grass is greener syndrome. He is young and probably wants to explore his options. I suggest you do no contact. Tell him you both need some space and time. Let him realize what he wants on his own. If he chooses to pursue other relationships, accept and move on with your life.
I'd like to add I'd only be asking him what he likes about me to give it one last shot before I tell him I think we both need space and time. If he decides he sees enough good in me and wants to try again then great. But if he's on the fence about whether or not he wants to be together I could then suggest we take some time and think about it (30 day NC).
Thank you for your advice
Sure, go ahead. However, you should be aware that even if you do get him back with his last try, there is a good chance he will leave again because he will still be curious about what's out there.
Sure, go ahead. However, you should be aware that even if you do get him back with his last try, there is a good chance he will leave again because he will still be curious about what's out there.
Sure, go ahead. However, you should be aware that even if you do get him back with his last try, there is a good chance he will leave again because he will still be curious about what's out there.
Sure, go ahead. However, you should be aware that even if you do get him back with his last try, there is a good chance he will leave again because he will still be curious about what's out there.
Sure, go ahead. However, you should be aware that even if you do get him back with his last try, there is a good chance he will leave again because he will still be curious about what's out there.
Sure, go ahead. However, you should be aware that even if you do get him back with his last try, there is a good chance he will leave again because he will still be curious about what's out there.
Kevin
Could be. I'm actually his first girlfriend and first "love" for lack of a better word. I'm almost certain there are no other girls but he's sending mixed messages as far as his feelings for me go though.
Last night I had a bad night at work and asked if he would meet me in an hour. He said yes and even showed up early from celebrating his friends birthday at the movies, so he waited a half hour for me. And it was already 9:30 which is later than he ever wants to be out on school nights. He also said he was ready to go home after the movie but then he saw my text and met me. And he'd even check the time and go "Nah, I could stay longer" even though it was a little awkward. I started crying when I delved into what happened at work but what struck me was he didn't come sit on the other side of the table with me to hold me like he would have before. But then when we're leaving and I tell him it was nice to see him he said he's glad he waited for me.
Should I talk to him one last time before starting NC to ask him if he still likes me or specifically what he likes about me (mind trick to make him think about what he likes about me)? Or leave that out and just tell him what you suggested about us both needing space and time- also do I tell him it's for 30 days or not say anything about that part?
I'd like to add I'd only be asking him what he likes about me to give it one last shot before I tell him I think we both need space and time. If he decides he sees enough good in me and wants to try again then great. But if he's on the fence about whether or not he wants to be together I could then suggest we take some time and think about it (30 day NC).
Thank you for your advice
Kevin
Could be. I'm actually his first girlfriend and first "love" for lack of a better word. I'm almost certain there are no other girls but he's sending mixed messages as far as his feelings for me go though.
Last night I had a bad night at work and asked if he would meet me in an hour. He said yes and even showed up early from celebrating his friends birthday at the movies, so he waited a half hour for me. And it was already 9:30 which is later than he ever wants to be out on school nights. He also said he was ready to go home after the movie but then he saw my text and met me. And he'd even check the time and go "Nah, I could stay longer" even though it was a little awkward. I started crying when I delved into what happened at work but what struck me was he didn't come sit on the other side of the table with me to hold me like he would have before. But then when we're leaving and I tell him it was nice to see him he said he's glad he waited for me.
Should I talk to him one last time before starting NC to ask him if he still likes me or specifically what he likes about me (mind trick to make him think about what he likes about me)? Or leave that out and just tell him what you suggested about us both needing space and time- also do I tell him it's for 30 days or not say anything about that part?
I'd like to add I'd only be asking him what he likes about me to give it one last shot before I tell him I think we both need space and time. If he decides he sees enough good in me and wants to try again then great. But if he's on the fence about whether or not he wants to be together I could then suggest we take some time and think about it (30 day NC).
Thank you for your advice
Kevin
Could be. I'm actually his first girlfriend and first "love" for lack of a better word. I'm almost certain there are no other girls but he's sending mixed messages as far as his feelings for me go though.
Last night I had a bad night at work and asked if he would meet me in an hour. He said yes and even showed up early from celebrating his friends birthday at the movies, so he waited a half hour for me. And it was already 9:30 which is later than he ever wants to be out on school nights. He also said he was ready to go home after the movie but then he saw my text and met me. And he'd even check the time and go "Nah, I could stay longer" even though it was a little awkward. I started crying when I delved into what happened at work but what struck me was he didn't come sit on the other side of the table with me to hold me like he would have before. But then when we're leaving and I tell him it was nice to see him he said he's glad he waited for me.
Should I talk to him one last time before starting NC to ask him if he still likes me or specifically what he likes about me (mind trick to make him think about what he likes about me)? Or leave that out and just tell him what you suggested about us both needing space and time- also do I tell him it's for 30 days or not say anything about that part?
I'd like to add I'd only be asking him what he likes about me to give it one last shot before I tell him I think we both need space and time. If he decides he sees enough good in me and wants to try again then great. But if he's on the fence about whether or not he wants to be together I could then suggest we take some time and think about it (30 day NC).
Thank you for your advice
Kevin
Could be. I'm actually his first girlfriend and first "love" for lack of a better word. I'm almost certain there are no other girls but he's sending mixed messages as far as his feelings for me go though.
Last night I had a bad night at work and asked if he would meet me in an hour. He said yes and even showed up early from celebrating his friends birthday at the movies, so he waited a half hour for me. And it was already 9:30 which is later than he ever wants to be out on school nights. He also said he was ready to go home after the movie but then he saw my text and met me. And he'd even check the time and go "Nah, I could stay longer" even though it was a little awkward. I started crying when I delved into what happened at work but what struck me was he didn't come sit on the other side of the table with me to hold me like he would have before. But then when we're leaving and I tell him it was nice to see him he said he's glad he waited for me.
Should I talk to him one last time before starting NC to ask him if he still likes me or specifically what he likes about me (mind trick to make him think about what he likes about me)? Or leave that out and just tell him what you suggested about us both needing space and time- also do I tell him it's for 30 days or not say anything about that part?
I'd like to add I'd only be asking him what he likes about me to give it one last shot before I tell him I think we both need space and time. If he decides he sees enough good in me and wants to try again then great. But if he's on the fence about whether or not he wants to be together I could then suggest we take some time and think about it (30 day NC).
Thank you for your advice
Kevin
Could be. I'm actually his first girlfriend and first "love" for lack of a better word. I'm almost certain there are no other girls but he's sending mixed messages as far as his feelings for me go though.
Last night I had a bad night at work and asked if he would meet me in an hour. He said yes and even showed up early from celebrating his friends birthday at the movies, so he waited a half hour for me. And it was already 9:30 which is later than he ever wants to be out on school nights. He also said he was ready to go home after the movie but then he saw my text and met me. And he'd even check the time and go "Nah, I could stay longer" even though it was a little awkward. I started crying when I delved into what happened at work but what struck me was he didn't come sit on the other side of the table with me to hold me like he would have before. But then when we're leaving and I tell him it was nice to see him he said he's glad he waited for me.
Should I talk to him one last time before starting NC to ask him if he still likes me or specifically what he likes about me (mind trick to make him think about what he likes about me)? Or leave that out and just tell him what you suggested about us both needing space and time- also do I tell him it's for 30 days or not say anything about that part?
Haley,
I think he is having the Grass is greener syndrome. He is young and probably wants to explore his options. I suggest you do no contact. Tell him you both need some space and time. Let him realize what he wants on his own. If he chooses to pursue other relationships, accept and move on with your life.
Haley,
I think he is having the Grass is greener syndrome. He is young and probably wants to explore his options. I suggest you do no contact. Tell him you both need some space and time. Let him realize what he wants on his own. If he chooses to pursue other relationships, accept and move on with your life.
Haley,
I think he is having the Grass is greener syndrome. He is young and probably wants to explore his options. I suggest you do no contact. Tell him you both need some space and time. Let him realize what he wants on his own. If he chooses to pursue other relationships, accept and move on with your life.
Thank you, Kevin. I think that's very insightful and to me makes perfect sense. But I know he's said before that he thinks when you really love someone, it's not just someone you want to be with but someone you can't live without. Granted it was a year ago he said this, so do you think there's a good chance he would forget that idea and miss me if I stopped talking to him for 30 days or feel hurt and betrayed and make up his mind he doesn't want to be with me?
It seems my first comment isn't here so I'll fill you in on what happened. I'm 18 and he just turned 19, we were together for a year and a half and as close as two people could be, best of friends, and were very happy. Then this September he started school again for the year and this year I wasn't in school with him, and his job worked him most nights after school and I also got a new job so we started to see eachother less. Then at the end of January he said he feels that we are incompatible or that our traits don't match up (he means personality, sense of humor, ideas) and that he thinks we "won't work out after a while". I think a lot of our ideas/ values match up mostly and the rest doesn't matter to me and we'll change a lot over the years given our ages but he didn't think the same way. But then he says he doesn't want to lose me and didn't want to end the relationship. I ended it for my own good even though I didn't want to, because I didn't want to be with him if he felt that way.
We've still been texting every day just as we always have and occasionally seeing eachother until a month ago after there was some awkwardness last time we saw eachother and he asked to see me another time and I told him I didn't want to see eachother anymore aside from events or being with our mutual friends. We've only spent time together once since then which was to go with a friend of mine to prom and he was my date. It seems he wants to see me, he made a comment a couple weeks ago saying I could "come with him sometime" to this gym he suddenly started going to. And 2 days ago he out of the blue asked me if I was working that day, which he never does but then he didn't ask to see me.
I don't know how to change his mind about us and give it another try. I've tried telling him I don't need or want a marriage proposal anytime soon or anything, but I didn't want to be with him if he thought there was no prospect of that someday. And that I thought we were doing fine and maybe things have just gotten a little stale because the relationship is no longer new and we don't see eachother much. Or I think he might just be really stressed from school and work and trying to graduate. But anytime I try to talk to him about this stuff, he essentially has nothing to say or he'd ask to see me later and then we'd just hang out.
What are your thoughts on this?
Thank you, Kevin. I think that's very insightful and to me makes perfect sense. But I know he's said before that he thinks when you really love someone, it's not just someone you want to be with but someone you can't live without. Granted it was a year ago he said this, so do you think there's a good chance he would forget that idea and miss me if I stopped talking to him for 30 days or feel hurt and betrayed and make up his mind he doesn't want to be with me?
It seems my first comment isn't here so I'll fill you in on what happened. I'm 18 and he just turned 19, we were together for a year and a half and as close as two people could be, best of friends, and were very happy. Then this September he started school again for the year and this year I wasn't in school with him, and his job worked him most nights after school and I also got a new job so we started to see eachother less. Then at the end of January he said he feels that we are incompatible or that our traits don't match up (he means personality, sense of humor, ideas) and that he thinks we "won't work out after a while". I think a lot of our ideas/ values match up mostly and the rest doesn't matter to me and we'll change a lot over the years given our ages but he didn't think the same way. But then he says he doesn't want to lose me and didn't want to end the relationship. I ended it for my own good even though I didn't want to, because I didn't want to be with him if he felt that way.
We've still been texting every day just as we always have and occasionally seeing eachother until a month ago after there was some awkwardness last time we saw eachother and he asked to see me another time and I told him I didn't want to see eachother anymore aside from events or being with our mutual friends. We've only spent time together once since then which was to go with a friend of mine to prom and he was my date. It seems he wants to see me, he made a comment a couple weeks ago saying I could "come with him sometime" to this gym he suddenly started going to. And 2 days ago he out of the blue asked me if I was working that day, which he never does but then he didn't ask to see me.
I don't know how to change his mind about us and give it another try. I've tried telling him I don't need or want a marriage proposal anytime soon or anything, but I didn't want to be with him if he thought there was no prospect of that someday. And that I thought we were doing fine and maybe things have just gotten a little stale because the relationship is no longer new and we don't see eachother much. Or I think he might just be really stressed from school and work and trying to graduate. But anytime I try to talk to him about this stuff, he essentially has nothing to say or he'd ask to see me later and then we'd just hang out.
What are your thoughts on this?
Hey Haley,
It's OK even if he realizes that he can live without you. You should realize that you can be happy without him too. The reason he will want to get back with you should not be because he can't live without you. It should be because you make him happier and he prefers to live a life with you.
hi Kevin,
I had a breakup with my ex gf last week. She told me she is liking someone else. We are in different cities for quite a long. I really love her. I have been applying no contact rule for just about 2-3 days. My gf started to call me. She texted me for which I did not answered. Nor received call. But on third day, she called me from an unknown number which i accidentally received & then had to talk to her. She just asked me to confess that I am not talking to her, for which I said that yes, I do not want to contact you for sometime. Later, on IM chat she told me that she is very satisfied with my answer now. It's been few days now, But with this I think I have made mistake & she doesn't calls me any more. Should I contact her?. What is the right thing to do right now..? Please guide?
It's good that she is not calling you anymore and she respects your need for time. Continue no contact for another 30 days. Follow the steps.
It's good that she is not calling you anymore and she respects your need for time. Continue no contact for another 30 days. Follow the steps.
Kevin,
Correct me if im wrong. But from what i learned here. Basically being an ex is working on our advantage because we attracted them once we can attract them again because we had a chemistry together. Plus the memories and the lenght of the relationship. We need NC because we need time and space both so i can fix myself to be ready to confront her. And for her to sort out the emotions in her. We need to be calm and stable again. Doesnt matter if the feeling is gone because we are gonna start a new relationship anyway. This is my insight. Do i get the picture right? Thanks.
Yes, Daniel. You got it right.
Hi, Dniel!
This is what I'm getting too. But as Kevin had said, it's not 100% effective because who knows what's really going through our exes mind. It might work and it might not. In the end, the answer is really on our exes' hands.
Raed,
You are right. All we can do is hope for the best. Im not gonna give up as long as i can.
Goodluck to us!
Hi, Daniel.
I'm losing hope. I dkn't know why. Mood swing maybe. Eversince we broke it off I'm emotionally and psychologically disoriented. I hate this feeling. I don't knw if I should try harder or just walk away. Because if she won't take me back then she might have moved on because she's contented with us being friends and I might be left hoping. Damn.
Hey raed,
I also feel the same sometimes. But keep in mind that you have to be strong if you want her back. That alone gives me strenght. Also start NC. And empower and rebuild yourself. You will realize a lot of things during NC. Keep the hope.
Goodluck!
Hey raed,
I also feel the same sometimes. But keep in mind that you have to be strong if you want her back. That alone gives me strenght. Also start NC. And empower and rebuild yourself. You will realize a lot of things during NC. Keep the hope.
Goodluck!
Hey raed,
I also feel the same sometimes. But keep in mind that you have to be strong if you want her back. That alone gives me strenght. Also start NC. And empower and rebuild yourself. You will realize a lot of things during NC. Keep the hope.
Goodluck!
Hey raed,
I also feel the same sometimes. But keep in mind that you have to be strong if you want her back. That alone gives me strenght. Also start NC. And empower and rebuild yourself. You will realize a lot of things during NC. Keep the hope.
Goodluck!
Hey raed,
I also feel the same sometimes. But keep in mind that you have to be strong if you want her back. That alone gives me strenght. Also start NC. And empower and rebuild yourself. You will realize a lot of things during NC. Keep the hope.
Goodluck!
Hi, Daniel.
I'm losing hope. I dkn't know why. Mood swing maybe. Eversince we broke it off I'm emotionally and psychologically disoriented. I hate this feeling. I don't knw if I should try harder or just walk away. Because if she won't take me back then she might have moved on because she's contented with us being friends and I might be left hoping. Damn.
Hi, Daniel.
I'm losing hope. I dkn't know why. Mood swing maybe. Eversince we broke it off I'm emotionally and psychologically disoriented. I hate this feeling. I don't knw if I should try harder or just walk away. Because if she won't take me back then she might have moved on because she's contented with us being friends and I might be left hoping. Damn.
Hi, Daniel.
I'm losing hope. I dkn't know why. Mood swing maybe. Eversince we broke it off I'm emotionally and psychologically disoriented. I hate this feeling. I don't knw if I should try harder or just walk away. Because if she won't take me back then she might have moved on because she's contented with us being friends and I might be left hoping. Damn.
Raed,
You are right. All we can do is hope for the best. Im not gonna give up as long as i can.
Goodluck to us!
Raed,
You are right. All we can do is hope for the best. Im not gonna give up as long as i can.
Goodluck to us!
Yes, Daniel. You got it right.
Hi, Dniel!
This is what I'm getting too. But as Kevin had said, it's not 100% effective because who knows what's really going through our exes mind. It might work and it might not. In the end, the answer is really on our exes' hands.
Hi Kevin,
I will keep my post as short as possible. My Ex and I lived together for 4 years. As far as I was concerned we were happy, loved each other very much, got along well and rarely argued. About 2 weeks ago completely out of the blue, no fighting or anything going on, he tells me that he no longer feels as he did for me before and was moving out. That he just needed to be by himself. I've asked multiple times if there was someone else and he denies it vehemently. Says he doesn't want to be with anyone. I panicked! and even though I know it's not right I looked thru his email and found out he has been getting to know someone from work for a while now and they have been out together basically since the day he moved out. Probably before but I have no proof of that. He is still denying that he's going out with someone ( he came by yesterday to pick up his stuff and I asked again) I love him very much and want him back. I've read your post on the 5 steps and signed up for your daily emails. I'm planning on beginning 30 days No Contact tomorrow. Would love to hear your thoughts on my specific situation. Also wondering if along with the no contact rule I should remove him from all my social media like Facebook, foursquare...) Thanks!
You have a good chance of getting him back. I doubt he left you for her. It's more likely that he was planning to breakup anyways towards the end and he started getting to know someone just so he doesn't have to be alone after the breakup. Follow the steps. There's no need to remove him from facebook unless you are obsessing over his facebook.
So I've started reading Relationship Rewind and I'm a bit confused. This is a book you recommend on your website but Ryan clearly states that the "No Contact" is an obsolete method that should not be used since it won't fix anything. This is contrary to what you recommend so should I continue with my No Contact? I'm only on day 2. Please advise. Thanks.
Hey Rosalyn,
I agree, NC doesn't fix anything. That's why it's important to get back in touch after NC. However, after a messy breakup, NC is important because it'll give you the time and space to regain your composure and realize whether or not you should get back with your ex. Also, Ryan does recommend no contact if you are in the Death's door stage of relationship. In your case, I'll recommend you do no contact for a while and then use the tactics in relationship rewind to get back in touch.
Hey Kevin,
Just an update on my situation. It's past the 30 days of limited contact (due to shared responsabities otherwise it would've been complete NC but only through texts no face to face) and I've managed to work on myself. Focused in school, got a haircut, new clothes, tanned and even managed to lose 8lbs by eating healthier. That time helped me better myself and calm down. I'm no longer clingy and needy but this time has also helped me see that I really do love and want my ex back. I believe we could be very happy if I could spark that "in love" feeling he said he lost. I've contacted my ex and we met up for coffee this past Thursday. Things went well, we talked for over 2 hours and he even complimented me on
my new outfit. We also made plans to meet up on Monday to go to Universal Studios with my daughter since we bought annual passes less that 2 weeks before the breakup. We had a good time there as well. Here's my issues, I figured things would go well during those encounters since we always got along no matter what and there was no animosity during the breakup. Also, he has made no mention about the girl he's been seeing. I don't know what to make of it. Should I ask if him during casual conversation if he's seeing someone? I'm not sure what my next move should be. How should I proceed to make sure things move on towards the a relationship rather than get stuck in the friendzone. Should I wait for him to make the next move or is it ok for me to continue initiating contact for things other that bills and mutual responsabities? Please advice! Thanks!
Hey Kevin,
Just an update on my situation. It's past the 30 days of limited contact (due to shared responsabities otherwise it would've been complete NC but only through texts no face to face) and I've managed to work on myself. Focused in school, got a haircut, new clothes, tanned and even managed to lose 8lbs by eating healthier. That time helped me better myself and calm down. I'm no longer clingy and needy but this time has also helped me see that I really do love and want my ex back. I believe we could be very happy if I could spark that "in love" feeling he said he lost. I've contacted my ex and we met up for coffee this past Thursday. Things went well, we talked for over 2 hours and he even complimented me on
my new outfit. We also made plans to meet up on Monday to go to Universal Studios with my daughter since we bought annual passes less that 2 weeks before the breakup. We had a good time there as well. Here's my issues, I figured things would go well during those encounters since we always got along no matter what and there was no animosity during the breakup. Also, he has made no mention about the girl he's been seeing. I don't know what to make of it. Should I ask if him during casual conversation if he's seeing someone? I'm not sure what my next move should be. How should I proceed to make sure things move on towards the a relationship rather than get stuck in the friendzone. Should I wait for him to make the next move or is it ok for me to continue initiating contact for things other that bills and mutual responsabities? Please advice! Thanks!
Hey Kevin,
Just an update on my situation. It's past the 30 days of limited contact (due to shared responsabities otherwise it would've been complete NC but only through texts no face to face) and I've managed to work on myself. Focused in school, got a haircut, new clothes, tanned and even managed to lose 8lbs by eating healthier. That time helped me better myself and calm down. I'm no longer clingy and needy but this time has also helped me see that I really do love and want my ex back. I believe we could be very happy if I could spark that "in love" feeling he said he lost. I've contacted my ex and we met up for coffee this past Thursday. Things went well, we talked for over 2 hours and he even complimented me on
my new outfit. We also made plans to meet up on Monday to go to Universal Studios with my daughter since we bought annual passes less that 2 weeks before the breakup. We had a good time there as well. Here's my issues, I figured things would go well during those encounters since we always got along no matter what and there was no animosity during the breakup. Also, he has made no mention about the girl he's been seeing. I don't know what to make of it. Should I ask if him during casual conversation if he's seeing someone? I'm not sure what my next move should be. How should I proceed to make sure things move on towards the a relationship rather than get stuck in the friendzone. Should I wait for him to make the next move or is it ok for me to continue initiating contact for things other that bills and mutual responsabities? Please advice! Thanks!
Hey Kevin,
Just an update on my situation. It's past the 30 days of limited contact (due to shared responsabities otherwise it would've been complete NC but only through texts no face to face) and I've managed to work on myself. Focused in school, got a haircut, new clothes, tanned and even managed to lose 8lbs by eating healthier. That time helped me better myself and calm down. I'm no longer clingy and needy but this time has also helped me see that I really do love and want my ex back. I believe we could be very happy if I could spark that "in love" feeling he said he lost. I've contacted my ex and we met up for coffee this past Thursday. Things went well, we talked for over 2 hours and he even complimented me on
my new outfit. We also made plans to meet up on Monday to go to Universal Studios with my daughter since we bought annual passes less that 2 weeks before the breakup. We had a good time there as well. Here's my issues, I figured things would go well during those encounters since we always got along no matter what and there was no animosity during the breakup. Also, he has made no mention about the girl he's been seeing. I don't know what to make of it. Should I ask if him during casual conversation if he's seeing someone? I'm not sure what my next move should be. How should I proceed to make sure things move on towards the a relationship rather than get stuck in the friendzone. Should I wait for him to make the next move or is it ok for me to continue initiating contact for things other that bills and mutual responsabities? Please advice! Thanks!
Hey Kevin,
Just an update on my situation. It's past the 30 days of limited contact (due to shared responsabities otherwise it would've been complete NC but only through texts no face to face) and I've managed to work on myself. Focused in school, got a haircut, new clothes, tanned and even managed to lose 8lbs by eating healthier. That time helped me better myself and calm down. I'm no longer clingy and needy but this time has also helped me see that I really do love and want my ex back. I believe we could be very happy if I could spark that "in love" feeling he said he lost. I've contacted my ex and we met up for coffee this past Thursday. Things went well, we talked for over 2 hours and he even complimented me on
my new outfit. We also made plans to meet up on Monday to go to Universal Studios with my daughter since we bought annual passes less that 2 weeks before the breakup. We had a good time there as well. Here's my issues, I figured things would go well during those encounters since we always got along no matter what and there was no animosity during the breakup. Also, he has made no mention about the girl he's been seeing. I don't know what to make of it. Should I ask if him during casual conversation if he's seeing someone? I'm not sure what my next move should be. How should I proceed to make sure things move on towards the a relationship rather than get stuck in the friendzone. Should I wait for him to make the next move or is it ok for me to continue initiating contact for things other that bills and mutual responsabities? Please advice! Thanks!
Hey Rosalyn,
I agree, NC doesn't fix anything. That's why it's important to get back in touch after NC. However, after a messy breakup, NC is important because it'll give you the time and space to regain your composure and realize whether or not you should get back with your ex. Also, Ryan does recommend no contact if you are in the Death's door stage of relationship. In your case, I'll recommend you do no contact for a while and then use the tactics in relationship rewind to get back in touch.
Hey Rosalyn,
I agree, NC doesn't fix anything. That's why it's important to get back in touch after NC. However, after a messy breakup, NC is important because it'll give you the time and space to regain your composure and realize whether or not you should get back with your ex. Also, Ryan does recommend no contact if you are in the Death's door stage of relationship. In your case, I'll recommend you do no contact for a while and then use the tactics in relationship rewind to get back in touch.
Hey Rosalyn,
I agree, NC doesn't fix anything. That's why it's important to get back in touch after NC. However, after a messy breakup, NC is important because it'll give you the time and space to regain your composure and realize whether or not you should get back with your ex. Also, Ryan does recommend no contact if you are in the Death's door stage of relationship. In your case, I'll recommend you do no contact for a while and then use the tactics in relationship rewind to get back in touch.
Thanks I will continue the NC and update back in 30 days. Hopefully things work out.
So I've started reading Relationship Rewind and I'm a bit confused. This is a book you recommend on your website but Ryan clearly states that the "No Contact" is an obsolete method that should not be used since it won't fix anything. This is contrary to what you recommend so should I continue with my No Contact? I'm only on day 2. Please advise. Thanks.
Thanks I will continue the NC and update back in 30 days. Hopefully things work out.
So I've started reading Relationship Rewind and I'm a bit confused. This is a book you recommend on your website but Ryan clearly states that the "No Contact" is an obsolete method that should not be used since it won't fix anything. This is contrary to what you recommend so should I continue with my No Contact? I'm only on day 2. Please advise. Thanks.
Thanks I will continue the NC and update back in 30 days. Hopefully things work out.
You have a good chance of getting him back. I doubt he left you for her. It's more likely that he was planning to breakup anyways towards the end and he started getting to know someone just so he doesn't have to be alone after the breakup. Follow the steps. There's no need to remove him from facebook unless you are obsessing over his facebook.
I everyone, Hi Kevin,
I saw my psychiatrist today, made some adjustments to my medications, upped the dosages and changed the times at which I take them so that should help and we should see the changes in a few days so that is pretty good, an extra step on my way to Zach 2.0, I also discussed my problem with her and she suggested using the letter as well so I've decided to do it. As for my problem with her living with her parents that could present difficulties, especially her if dad decides to be a dick and read her mail and that might be really bad because it mentions some of our more explicit activities several times which for some reason I don't think that would go over so well with him haha. Anyways to combat that problem I'm wondering if its okay to take a small risk and just tell her that I dropped a letter off in her mailbox or is that too risky? It would be quick and to the point, I would only tell her about it and ask her to read it and that it would mean a whole lot if she would, and I guess if she says something to suggest not then I can take a leap of faith and say if what we had ever meant anything to her would she please read it and also I would tell her that its not an attempt to get her back but an explanation of what happened as well what I'm doing to get better. I have decided that it is best for me to take a step back and I tell her this in my letter that I am dedicated to beating my bipolar and I mention that I'm not doing it for her but for myself but I do tell her that I should actually thank her for ending things between us even though it went bad because it has finally forced me to take this stand against my bipolar and that this mess was the final straw and I'm no longer going to let this thing ruin my life. I hope by saying that which is the truth will create that rapport I have been looking for, to show that I finally except the breakup and I'm bettering myself. I also addressed some of the things her friend has said that I don't want her to believe and it is really important to me that she knows that nothing of what she has said is true so I basically brought up moments in our relationship that would prove her accusations wrong. Its important to me that she knows that because she deserves so much more than to believe the things her friend is saying, even though what she is saying is meant to degrade me as a person and not my ex Cianna, it still does because by saying stuff like I was only interested in getting laid, that can harm Cianna's sense of self worth to believe that is all she was worth to me and she already has a problem seeing how beautiful and amazing she is. Does that make sense? And finally as the last part of my letter I want to tell her that if she's up for it, if she will allow me to show her that I am better when I am ready to do so. So I'm not really asking for her friendship back, but instead I'm asking for an opportunity to earn a chance at rebuilding our friendship. I have a feeling that it might work because even when we had our fight she didn't deny all the good times we had and recognizes that when it was good, it was really good. It was just that the occasional bad time was to much to handle with all the other things she has to deal with. But I'm hoping that if she understands that once I'm better and learn to control myself when I get really upset, then she will see that there wont be any more bad times and it will only be good. So Kevin and anyone else who has an opinion or advice on this, I would appreciate it, I really want to know if this is a possible course of action? But I also want to stress how important to me that she knows that her friend is wrong, and even if I have no chance at getting her back I want her to know that.
Thanks everyone!
Oh and P.S.
My psychiatrist said I should possibly do something nice to go with it but she mentioned flowers which I know is not a good idea, but I thought something simple and meaningful but also is very inconspicuous that I could do is throw in a couple sketches that are of good times we had, for instance there was this day that we spent together and for some reason it was a big thing and a defining moment where we both came clean and told each other that we still had strong feelings for each other, this was while she was in the end stages of her relationship with her ex, but anyways what I was thinking is that I could sketch a picture of a guy and a girl walking on the rails of a train track because we went out behind her neighborhood that day through the woods and we spent time just talking on the track and there was this one moment that I think we both realized what was happening. The reason I think a sketch would work is because we both enjoy drawing and also I haven't drawn anything in a while and she knows that and I think that it might indicate that I'm getting back to the way I was when we met. I'm pretty good a drawing and I really specialize in drawing reality so I can make it look almost like an old photo.
Any input on this?
Hey Zach,
I won't recommend that you put this much detail in the letter. Like I said in the article, keep it short and leave a lot of things to the curiosity. This will give her an incentive to get back in touch with you. If you make it too much detailed, it'll make it look like you still care what she thinks about you and that means you probably still want her back. I don't see any problem with the sketch though. There's a sample letter in the 10th email. Use that format. It's much more effective in getting your ex to get back in touch with you.
Hey Kevin,
I was wondering if I could email a draft of my letter to you and if you could give it a once over and let me know what you think, that would be great. Is that something you would do? If I did I would send it by tonight and need a reply before Monday, I know its a really short notice but I would like to have it in her mailbox by Monday, so that just in case she responds very well to it she has the opportunity of a few days to approach me face to face at school. I hope she does respond well and does approach me so that I can have that heart to heart conversation and tell her that I am taking some time to take care of myself and get better, and that when I am, if shes open to it, if we could give our friendship another shot. I would also explain to her what was happening to me that day and so she understands what it was exactly, and that once I am better what happened will be a thing of the past and it wont happen again. And if you could let me know what you thought of my responses to your response of my post above, that would be awesome? Also if it is at all possible, could you let me know about the email, whether or not you can do it?
Thanks Kevin, I really appreciate all that you have done for me over the past month.
And one last thing,
This is not necessarily to get her back as my girlfriend but to open her up to the idea of being friends. I'm on deaths door remember, I have to earn her friendship back first before I can win her back as a girlfriend. So how does that effect the letter?
Thanks again Kevin,
I took a look at it but I think in my particular situation that I at least need to give some sort of explanation for why I acted the way I did don't I? And because the issue was with me and how I acted, shouldn't I let her know that I'm dedicated to getting better? And lastly, what about the very end, is it okay to ask her for the opportunity to show her that I'm better when I'm ready to do so, but also mention that I'm still not yet and it may take some more time? With the way she is, I don't know if she would contact me or not, that's why I wanted to specifically tell her that I'm doing everything to get better so that she knows if she does decide to contact me, she will know that there will only be good times. What do you think?
Hey Kevin,
I was wondering if I could email a draft of my letter to you and if you could give it a once over and let me know what you think, that would be great. Is that something you would do? If I did I would send it by tonight and need a reply before Monday, I know its a really short notice but I would like to have it in her mailbox by Monday, so that just in case she responds very well to it she has the opportunity of a few days to approach me face to face at school. I hope she does respond well and does approach me so that I can have that heart to heart conversation and tell her that I am taking some time to take care of myself and get better, and that when I am, if shes open to it, if we could give our friendship another shot. I would also explain to her what was happening to me that day and so she understands what it was exactly, and that once I am better what happened will be a thing of the past and it wont happen again. And if you could let me know what you thought of my responses to your response of my post above, that would be awesome? Also if it is at all possible, could you let me know about the email, whether or not you can do it?
Thanks Kevin, I really appreciate all that you have done for me over the past month.
And one last thing,
This is not necessarily to get her back as my girlfriend but to open her up to the idea of being friends. I'm on deaths door remember, I have to earn her friendship back first before I can win her back as a girlfriend. So how does that effect the letter?
Thanks again Kevin,
I took a look at it but I think in my particular situation that I at least need to give some sort of explanation for why I acted the way I did don't I? And because the issue was with me and how I acted, shouldn't I let her know that I'm dedicated to getting better? And lastly, what about the very end, is it okay to ask her for the opportunity to show her that I'm better when I'm ready to do so, but also mention that I'm still not yet and it may take some more time? With the way she is, I don't know if she would contact me or not, that's why I wanted to specifically tell her that I'm doing everything to get better so that she knows if she does decide to contact me, she will know that there will only be good times. What do you think?
Hey Kevin,
I was wondering if I could email a draft of my letter to you and if you could give it a once over and let me know what you think, that would be great. Is that something you would do? If I did I would send it by tonight and need a reply before Monday, I know its a really short notice but I would like to have it in her mailbox by Monday, so that just in case she responds very well to it she has the opportunity of a few days to approach me face to face at school. I hope she does respond well and does approach me so that I can have that heart to heart conversation and tell her that I am taking some time to take care of myself and get better, and that when I am, if shes open to it, if we could give our friendship another shot. I would also explain to her what was happening to me that day and so she understands what it was exactly, and that once I am better what happened will be a thing of the past and it wont happen again. And if you could let me know what you thought of my responses to your response of my post above, that would be awesome? Also if it is at all possible, could you let me know about the email, whether or not you can do it?
Thanks Kevin, I really appreciate all that you have done for me over the past month.
And one last thing,
This is not necessarily to get her back as my girlfriend but to open her up to the idea of being friends. I'm on deaths door remember, I have to earn her friendship back first before I can win her back as a girlfriend. So how does that effect the letter?
Thanks again Kevin,
I took a look at it but I think in my particular situation that I at least need to give some sort of explanation for why I acted the way I did don't I? And because the issue was with me and how I acted, shouldn't I let her know that I'm dedicated to getting better? And lastly, what about the very end, is it okay to ask her for the opportunity to show her that I'm better when I'm ready to do so, but also mention that I'm still not yet and it may take some more time? With the way she is, I don't know if she would contact me or not, that's why I wanted to specifically tell her that I'm doing everything to get better so that she knows if she does decide to contact me, she will know that there will only be good times. What do you think?
Hey Kevin,
I was wondering if I could email a draft of my letter to you and if you could give it a once over and let me know what you think, that would be great. Is that something you would do? If I did I would send it by tonight and need a reply before Monday, I know its a really short notice but I would like to have it in her mailbox by Monday, so that just in case she responds very well to it she has the opportunity of a few days to approach me face to face at school. I hope she does respond well and does approach me so that I can have that heart to heart conversation and tell her that I am taking some time to take care of myself and get better, and that when I am, if shes open to it, if we could give our friendship another shot. I would also explain to her what was happening to me that day and so she understands what it was exactly, and that once I am better what happened will be a thing of the past and it wont happen again. And if you could let me know what you thought of my responses to your response of my post above, that would be awesome? Also if it is at all possible, could you let me know about the email, whether or not you can do it?
Thanks Kevin, I really appreciate all that you have done for me over the past month.
And one last thing,
This is not necessarily to get her back as my girlfriend but to open her up to the idea of being friends. I'm on deaths door remember, I have to earn her friendship back first before I can win her back as a girlfriend. So how does that effect the letter?
Thanks again Kevin,
I took a look at it but I think in my particular situation that I at least need to give some sort of explanation for why I acted the way I did don't I? And because the issue was with me and how I acted, shouldn't I let her know that I'm dedicated to getting better? And lastly, what about the very end, is it okay to ask her for the opportunity to show her that I'm better when I'm ready to do so, but also mention that I'm still not yet and it may take some more time? With the way she is, I don't know if she would contact me or not, that's why I wanted to specifically tell her that I'm doing everything to get better so that she knows if she does decide to contact me, she will know that there will only be good times. What do you think?
Hey Zach,
I won't recommend that you put this much detail in the letter. Like I said in the article, keep it short and leave a lot of things to the curiosity. This will give her an incentive to get back in touch with you. If you make it too much detailed, it'll make it look like you still care what she thinks about you and that means you probably still want her back. I don't see any problem with the sketch though. There's a sample letter in the 10th email. Use that format. It's much more effective in getting your ex to get back in touch with you.
Hey Zach,
I won't recommend that you put this much detail in the letter. Like I said in the article, keep it short and leave a lot of things to the curiosity. This will give her an incentive to get back in touch with you. If you make it too much detailed, it'll make it look like you still care what she thinks about you and that means you probably still want her back. I don't see any problem with the sketch though. There's a sample letter in the 10th email. Use that format. It's much more effective in getting your ex to get back in touch with you.
Oh and P.S.
My psychiatrist said I should possibly do something nice to go with it but she mentioned flowers which I know is not a good idea, but I thought something simple and meaningful but also is very inconspicuous that I could do is throw in a couple sketches that are of good times we had, for instance there was this day that we spent together and for some reason it was a big thing and a defining moment where we both came clean and told each other that we still had strong feelings for each other, this was while she was in the end stages of her relationship with her ex, but anyways what I was thinking is that I could sketch a picture of a guy and a girl walking on the rails of a train track because we went out behind her neighborhood that day through the woods and we spent time just talking on the track and there was this one moment that I think we both realized what was happening. The reason I think a sketch would work is because we both enjoy drawing and also I haven't drawn anything in a while and she knows that and I think that it might indicate that I'm getting back to the way I was when we met. I'm pretty good a drawing and I really specialize in drawing reality so I can make it look almost like an old photo.
Any input on this?
Dear Kevin and everyone,
Some things in this whole 'get your ex back' formula is bit worrying because: If anyone can get their exes back how do I know he's over his previous relationship? even though he's always told me he's never ever felt this deep love or that level of attraction that he has for me with anyone else, how do I know he's over his other relationship? Does that mean he can also go back with his previous ex of 4 on-and-off years (though he said he never loved her but just liked her and she was good to settle down with)? Also, in my situation I don't think it's loss of attraction or loss of love that we parted, he's always told me I'm beautiful and I'm happy with my looks, my level of education, and the fact that we have so many things in common that I've helped him grow in his work and he in mine etc... The last thing he said to me before I hopped on the plane was 'I love you' but then he went completely silent and depressed and I want to know why he's ignoring me and not others, as I check his 'last seen' on whatsapp and he's on there everyday? He feels embarrassed that he lost his money but it is ridiculous to shut me out and become depressed about it. So, the big question is: Do you think his big ego and stubbornness will ever allow him to talk to me again?
Hey Rihanna,
Not everyone can get their ex back. If someone is in a healthy, stable, loving relationship; they probably won't leave it for an ex. A rebound relationship is not a healthy, stable relationship. Which is why it's easier to get your ex back if they are in a rebound. As for his ego, I have seen a lot of exes with big egos wanting to not only talk, but get back with their exes.
Thank you Kevin, you have no idea how much your comments have been great support for me. I check the whatsapp 'last seen' often and he's on there every day but he's ignored all my previous messages the ones I sent prior to starting NC, so how come he's only ignored my texts? I have hidden my 'last seen' since I started NC so that I'm really lost in his world and he's hardly ever on FB but only to post his work so we are in no contact at all. Also, since he's supposedly depressed should my 'something reminded me of you text' show him that I'm happy and moved on or would I come across as someone who stopped caring about his illness altogether? I'm thinking of messaging him for the first time on July 13 cos it will be a year since we had that amazing 9 hour day very similar to the movie 'Before Sunset', and it was the first time we met so at least we had great connection, would anything to do with that day be a good 'something reminded me of you' text? Thanks heaps, I can't wait to see him again I'm very upset with him and his attitude I want him to suffer chasing me before I go back to him... I think i'm on the right track thanks to you.
If his depression is severe, I don't think the type of text you send will really matter to him. Although, make sure you include a question at the end of the text asking him how he is. But the text you suggested seems fine to me.
Also, two more questions: 1- Do you think he's thinking of me and of the time we had even though he's ignoring me?- from a guy's point of view; and 2- Do you think he'll realize his losses and want to rekindle this relationship? Is there a chance?
Thanks for the reply. So, you think whatever my text is he'll just ignore it anyway? even if it's personal and filled with great memories? I'm very disappointed and angry at his attitude and often wonder if I can live with a person who switches off like that, all of a sudden! But my only hope is that he's agreed for a career change and to keep what he's doing as a hobby. On another note, I've received some good news and not sure whether to tell him the "I have something to tell you, I'll share it with you later and I hope you'll be happy for me"... My poems are being published in USA (not in my country lol) and he's been one of very few supporters of my work (parents don't support what doesn't reward with lots of money, sadly) and since we've met we've always been influencing each other in the arts except I'm new and he's a well known artist... I'm not sure whether sharing this news would make him happy for me at this stage (usually he'd be over the moon) but with his depression the news might backfire and remind him that he's unable to work and he's had to cancel his exhibition because of his shoulder? Anyway, I'm very confused because my situation is different. I know he's not out there having fun etc... and perhaps me coming across as 'too happy' I might come off as bit insensitive? And what do I do when he doesn't reply to my message? I really need your insight on this and how I can reclaim what we had... I've only been in 2 relationships, one with zero intimacy and connection and him, and I'm not the type to jump from one relationship to another, I think it's disgusting! (lol, sorry personal views).
PS: Yes those are great movies and the third one which came out early this year entitled: 'After Midnight' is the third of the trilogy, I do recommend :)
Thanks heaps Kev
Hey Rihanna,
I am not sure if he'll ignore it. I meant that the content wouldn't really matter that much. If he is in a state of mind to reply, he will reply regardless of the content. If he replies to your original text, you can go ahead and tell him about the news. There is a risk that it might backfire. But then again, it might cheer him up. Yes, it might be a little insensitive if you come across as too happy. You should keep the conversations with him neutral. If he doesn't reply, you should wait another two months.
Also, I know you are trying to hold on to this relationship. But I want you to start considering the possibility that it might not work. You have already invested a lot of your time in this relationship. And you are investing another 6 months with the hope that he might want to get back together when he comes out of his depression. If things don't work out, you might regret spending so much time hoping for him. Or it might have the reverse effect and you might be unwilling to give up even though there's no hope; simply because you have invested so much time and you will feel like it would go to waste if you give up.
What I am trying to say is, have a backup plan. Be prepared for the worst. In fact, you should even consider dating during these 6 months.
Hey Rihanna,
I am not sure if he'll ignore it. I meant that the content wouldn't really matter that much. If he is in a state of mind to reply, he will reply regardless of the content. If he replies to your original text, you can go ahead and tell him about the news. There is a risk that it might backfire. But then again, it might cheer him up. Yes, it might be a little insensitive if you come across as too happy. You should keep the conversations with him neutral. If he doesn't reply, you should wait another two months.
Also, I know you are trying to hold on to this relationship. But I want you to start considering the possibility that it might not work. You have already invested a lot of your time in this relationship. And you are investing another 6 months with the hope that he might want to get back together when he comes out of his depression. If things don't work out, you might regret spending so much time hoping for him. Or it might have the reverse effect and you might be unwilling to give up even though there's no hope; simply because you have invested so much time and you will feel like it would go to waste if you give up.
What I am trying to say is, have a backup plan. Be prepared for the worst. In fact, you should even consider dating during these 6 months.
Hey Rihanna,
I am not sure if he'll ignore it. I meant that the content wouldn't really matter that much. If he is in a state of mind to reply, he will reply regardless of the content. If he replies to your original text, you can go ahead and tell him about the news. There is a risk that it might backfire. But then again, it might cheer him up. Yes, it might be a little insensitive if you come across as too happy. You should keep the conversations with him neutral. If he doesn't reply, you should wait another two months.
Also, I know you are trying to hold on to this relationship. But I want you to start considering the possibility that it might not work. You have already invested a lot of your time in this relationship. And you are investing another 6 months with the hope that he might want to get back together when he comes out of his depression. If things don't work out, you might regret spending so much time hoping for him. Or it might have the reverse effect and you might be unwilling to give up even though there's no hope; simply because you have invested so much time and you will feel like it would go to waste if you give up.
What I am trying to say is, have a backup plan. Be prepared for the worst. In fact, you should even consider dating during these 6 months.
Hey Rihanna,
I am not sure if he'll ignore it. I meant that the content wouldn't really matter that much. If he is in a state of mind to reply, he will reply regardless of the content. If he replies to your original text, you can go ahead and tell him about the news. There is a risk that it might backfire. But then again, it might cheer him up. Yes, it might be a little insensitive if you come across as too happy. You should keep the conversations with him neutral. If he doesn't reply, you should wait another two months.
Also, I know you are trying to hold on to this relationship. But I want you to start considering the possibility that it might not work. You have already invested a lot of your time in this relationship. And you are investing another 6 months with the hope that he might want to get back together when he comes out of his depression. If things don't work out, you might regret spending so much time hoping for him. Or it might have the reverse effect and you might be unwilling to give up even though there's no hope; simply because you have invested so much time and you will feel like it would go to waste if you give up.
What I am trying to say is, have a backup plan. Be prepared for the worst. In fact, you should even consider dating during these 6 months.
Hey Rihanna,
I am not sure if he'll ignore it. I meant that the content wouldn't really matter that much. If he is in a state of mind to reply, he will reply regardless of the content. If he replies to your original text, you can go ahead and tell him about the news. There is a risk that it might backfire. But then again, it might cheer him up. Yes, it might be a little insensitive if you come across as too happy. You should keep the conversations with him neutral. If he doesn't reply, you should wait another two months.
Also, I know you are trying to hold on to this relationship. But I want you to start considering the possibility that it might not work. You have already invested a lot of your time in this relationship. And you are investing another 6 months with the hope that he might want to get back together when he comes out of his depression. If things don't work out, you might regret spending so much time hoping for him. Or it might have the reverse effect and you might be unwilling to give up even though there's no hope; simply because you have invested so much time and you will feel like it would go to waste if you give up.
What I am trying to say is, have a backup plan. Be prepared for the worst. In fact, you should even consider dating during these 6 months.
Hey Rihanna,
I am not sure if he'll ignore it. I meant that the content wouldn't really matter that much. If he is in a state of mind to reply, he will reply regardless of the content. If he replies to your original text, you can go ahead and tell him about the news. There is a risk that it might backfire. But then again, it might cheer him up. Yes, it might be a little insensitive if you come across as too happy. You should keep the conversations with him neutral. If he doesn't reply, you should wait another two months.
Also, I know you are trying to hold on to this relationship. But I want you to start considering the possibility that it might not work. You have already invested a lot of your time in this relationship. And you are investing another 6 months with the hope that he might want to get back together when he comes out of his depression. If things don't work out, you might regret spending so much time hoping for him. Or it might have the reverse effect and you might be unwilling to give up even though there's no hope; simply because you have invested so much time and you will feel like it would go to waste if you give up.
What I am trying to say is, have a backup plan. Be prepared for the worst. In fact, you should even consider dating during these 6 months.
Also, two more questions: 1- Do you think he's thinking of me and of the time we had even though he's ignoring me?- from a guy's point of view; and 2- Do you think he'll realize his losses and want to rekindle this relationship? Is there a chance?
Thanks for the reply. So, you think whatever my text is he'll just ignore it anyway? even if it's personal and filled with great memories? I'm very disappointed and angry at his attitude and often wonder if I can live with a person who switches off like that, all of a sudden! But my only hope is that he's agreed for a career change and to keep what he's doing as a hobby. On another note, I've received some good news and not sure whether to tell him the "I have something to tell you, I'll share it with you later and I hope you'll be happy for me"... My poems are being published in USA (not in my country lol) and he's been one of very few supporters of my work (parents don't support what doesn't reward with lots of money, sadly) and since we've met we've always been influencing each other in the arts except I'm new and he's a well known artist... I'm not sure whether sharing this news would make him happy for me at this stage (usually he'd be over the moon) but with his depression the news might backfire and remind him that he's unable to work and he's had to cancel his exhibition because of his shoulder? Anyway, I'm very confused because my situation is different. I know he's not out there having fun etc... and perhaps me coming across as 'too happy' I might come off as bit insensitive? And what do I do when he doesn't reply to my message? I really need your insight on this and how I can reclaim what we had... I've only been in 2 relationships, one with zero intimacy and connection and him, and I'm not the type to jump from one relationship to another, I think it's disgusting! (lol, sorry personal views).
PS: Yes those are great movies and the third one which came out early this year entitled: 'After Midnight' is the third of the trilogy, I do recommend :)
Thanks heaps Kev
Also, two more questions: 1- Do you think he's thinking of me and of the time we had even though he's ignoring me?- from a guy's point of view; and 2- Do you think he'll realize his losses and want to rekindle this relationship? Is there a chance?
Thanks for the reply. So, you think whatever my text is he'll just ignore it anyway? even if it's personal and filled with great memories? I'm very disappointed and angry at his attitude and often wonder if I can live with a person who switches off like that, all of a sudden! But my only hope is that he's agreed for a career change and to keep what he's doing as a hobby. On another note, I've received some good news and not sure whether to tell him the "I have something to tell you, I'll share it with you later and I hope you'll be happy for me"... My poems are being published in USA (not in my country lol) and he's been one of very few supporters of my work (parents don't support what doesn't reward with lots of money, sadly) and since we've met we've always been influencing each other in the arts except I'm new and he's a well known artist... I'm not sure whether sharing this news would make him happy for me at this stage (usually he'd be over the moon) but with his depression the news might backfire and remind him that he's unable to work and he's had to cancel his exhibition because of his shoulder? Anyway, I'm very confused because my situation is different. I know he's not out there having fun etc... and perhaps me coming across as 'too happy' I might come off as bit insensitive? And what do I do when he doesn't reply to my message? I really need your insight on this and how I can reclaim what we had... I've only been in 2 relationships, one with zero intimacy and connection and him, and I'm not the type to jump from one relationship to another, I think it's disgusting! (lol, sorry personal views).
PS: Yes those are great movies and the third one which came out early this year entitled: 'After Midnight' is the third of the trilogy, I do recommend :)
Thanks heaps Kev
Also, two more questions: 1- Do you think he's thinking of me and of the time we had even though he's ignoring me?- from a guy's point of view; and 2- Do you think he'll realize his losses and want to rekindle this relationship? Is there a chance?
Thanks for the reply. So, you think whatever my text is he'll just ignore it anyway? even if it's personal and filled with great memories? I'm very disappointed and angry at his attitude and often wonder if I can live with a person who switches off like that, all of a sudden! But my only hope is that he's agreed for a career change and to keep what he's doing as a hobby. On another note, I've received some good news and not sure whether to tell him the "I have something to tell you, I'll share it with you later and I hope you'll be happy for me"... My poems are being published in USA (not in my country lol) and he's been one of very few supporters of my work (parents don't support what doesn't reward with lots of money, sadly) and since we've met we've always been influencing each other in the arts except I'm new and he's a well known artist... I'm not sure whether sharing this news would make him happy for me at this stage (usually he'd be over the moon) but with his depression the news might backfire and remind him that he's unable to work and he's had to cancel his exhibition because of his shoulder? Anyway, I'm very confused because my situation is different. I know he's not out there having fun etc... and perhaps me coming across as 'too happy' I might come off as bit insensitive? And what do I do when he doesn't reply to my message? I really need your insight on this and how I can reclaim what we had... I've only been in 2 relationships, one with zero intimacy and connection and him, and I'm not the type to jump from one relationship to another, I think it's disgusting! (lol, sorry personal views).
PS: Yes those are great movies and the third one which came out early this year entitled: 'After Midnight' is the third of the trilogy, I do recommend :)
Thanks heaps Kev
Also, two more questions: 1- Do you think he's thinking of me and of the time we had even though he's ignoring me?- from a guy's point of view; and 2- Do you think he'll realize his losses and want to rekindle this relationship? Is there a chance?
Thanks for the reply. So, you think whatever my text is he'll just ignore it anyway? even if it's personal and filled with great memories? I'm very disappointed and angry at his attitude and often wonder if I can live with a person who switches off like that, all of a sudden! But my only hope is that he's agreed for a career change and to keep what he's doing as a hobby. On another note, I've received some good news and not sure whether to tell him the "I have something to tell you, I'll share it with you later and I hope you'll be happy for me"... My poems are being published in USA (not in my country lol) and he's been one of very few supporters of my work (parents don't support what doesn't reward with lots of money, sadly) and since we've met we've always been influencing each other in the arts except I'm new and he's a well known artist... I'm not sure whether sharing this news would make him happy for me at this stage (usually he'd be over the moon) but with his depression the news might backfire and remind him that he's unable to work and he's had to cancel his exhibition because of his shoulder? Anyway, I'm very confused because my situation is different. I know he's not out there having fun etc... and perhaps me coming across as 'too happy' I might come off as bit insensitive? And what do I do when he doesn't reply to my message? I really need your insight on this and how I can reclaim what we had... I've only been in 2 relationships, one with zero intimacy and connection and him, and I'm not the type to jump from one relationship to another, I think it's disgusting! (lol, sorry personal views).
PS: Yes those are great movies and the third one which came out early this year entitled: 'After Midnight' is the third of the trilogy, I do recommend :)
Thanks heaps Kev
If his depression is severe, I don't think the type of text you send will really matter to him. Although, make sure you include a question at the end of the text asking him how he is. But the text you suggested seems fine to me.
If his depression is severe, I don't think the type of text you send will really matter to him. Although, make sure you include a question at the end of the text asking him how he is. But the text you suggested seems fine to me.
If his depression is severe, I don't think the type of text you send will really matter to him. Although, make sure you include a question at the end of the text asking him how he is. But the text you suggested seems fine to me.
Thank you Kevin, you have no idea how much your comments have been great support for me. I check the whatsapp 'last seen' often and he's on there every day but he's ignored all my previous messages the ones I sent prior to starting NC, so how come he's only ignored my texts? I have hidden my 'last seen' since I started NC so that I'm really lost in his world and he's hardly ever on FB but only to post his work so we are in no contact at all. Also, since he's supposedly depressed should my 'something reminded me of you text' show him that I'm happy and moved on or would I come across as someone who stopped caring about his illness altogether? I'm thinking of messaging him for the first time on July 13 cos it will be a year since we had that amazing 9 hour day very similar to the movie 'Before Sunset', and it was the first time we met so at least we had great connection, would anything to do with that day be a good 'something reminded me of you' text? Thanks heaps, I can't wait to see him again I'm very upset with him and his attitude I want him to suffer chasing me before I go back to him... I think i'm on the right track thanks to you.
Thank you Kevin, you have no idea how much your comments have been great support for me. I check the whatsapp 'last seen' often and he's on there every day but he's ignored all my previous messages the ones I sent prior to starting NC, so how come he's only ignored my texts? I have hidden my 'last seen' since I started NC so that I'm really lost in his world and he's hardly ever on FB but only to post his work so we are in no contact at all. Also, since he's supposedly depressed should my 'something reminded me of you text' show him that I'm happy and moved on or would I come across as someone who stopped caring about his illness altogether? I'm thinking of messaging him for the first time on July 13 cos it will be a year since we had that amazing 9 hour day very similar to the movie 'Before Sunset', and it was the first time we met so at least we had great connection, would anything to do with that day be a good 'something reminded me of you' text? Thanks heaps, I can't wait to see him again I'm very upset with him and his attitude I want him to suffer chasing me before I go back to him... I think i'm on the right track thanks to you.
Hey Rihanna,
Not everyone can get their ex back. If someone is in a healthy, stable, loving relationship; they probably won't leave it for an ex. A rebound relationship is not a healthy, stable relationship. Which is why it's easier to get your ex back if they are in a rebound. As for his ego, I have seen a lot of exes with big egos wanting to not only talk, but get back with their exes.
Hi. My ex and I have been separated for over 4 yrs. we remained friends because of our son. He lives up country but come to visit and stays. Neither of us have had a new relationship in this time. Recently he told me he has met somebody online and is considering meeting. This threw up all kinds of feelings as I explained I been chatting to somebody too. He goes quite now every time I look at phone and says "is that him". He came and got into bed with me and we have been kissing and cuddling in bed. He is not prepared to stop chatting to this girl. He has always rung to speak to our son a couple of times a week and we have always spoken for about 15 to 20 mins as well. We have always text each other. Do you still advise no contact or something else as not sure if he wants me back or he just doesn't want anybody else to have me?!
Yes, I still advise no contact. Read this article to learn about no contact with kids.
Yes, I still advise no contact. Read this article to learn about no contact with kids.
I broke up with my ex 7 months ago, we have known each other for 4-5 years now he has been my best friend and we were on a relationship for a year and a half, he loved me the moment we met, but I took some time to love him back..
Well, he got in a relationship a week after we broke up, we stopped talking a month before that, a week later we started talking again, it was obvious he still loves me, a week later he was mine again!
I was the happiest I can ever be.
A month later my parents found out that I was with him and they banned me from talking to him, so I had to end it, I couldn't tell him that this is what my parents want, so I just told him we can't talk anymore and he shouldn't ever try to contact me, a week later he got back to that girl, I was so broken I hated everyone, I didn't show him how sad I am, I stayed hyper, happy and bubbly as he's used to see me, but the truth is I will never stop loving him, he's my first love, they have been together for 7 months now, and we are talking again, he keeps giving me hints that he still love me, yesterday he told me they broke up, and he doesn't want to get back to her, he told me he loves her, but I'm different, he told me I'm really special to him, today he asked me what if he wanted us to get back together, I answered with no way! He kept asking me why did we broke up in the first place, and kept saying I know you miss me, and these kind of things, then I found out he was telling me all that while he was back in a relationship with her, I told him I love some guy let's call him 'x' for now, when I told him we should stop talking, cause I realized I'm only hurting my self this way, he told me to go talk to 'x', and I was like... What?! He told me since you love him and he loves you back,he kept saying you will never now what I feel because you have a guy that loves you and you love him back, what does he mean by all these moves? Does he really loves her? If so why does he keep telling me about our past relationship? Why does he keep telling me how desperate he is? Why does he tell me he remembers every single memory we had? And keeps telling me that nothing's going right in his life? Is there any chance That he still loves me? And why is he still with her? I have tons of questions to ask, and I feel really dumb to let him go, and telling him we should stop talking I miss him already!!! It sucks:s
Please help me I will be really thankful for any respond.
Hey,
I think you did the right thing by telling him that you should stop talking. It'll give both of you some time to figure out what you want. As for what he said, my advice is don't overthink it. There's a lot of confusion after a breakup, and people say a lot of things they don't mean. It's best to concentrate on making yourself feel better rather than on what he said.
Hey,
I think you did the right thing by telling him that you should stop talking. It'll give both of you some time to figure out what you want. As for what he said, my advice is don't overthink it. There's a lot of confusion after a breakup, and people say a lot of things they don't mean. It's best to concentrate on making yourself feel better rather than on what he said.
Hi ! We were together for 4 years . We broke up because he said he doesn't love me anymore.I did the no contact rule for a month and a half . He called after and I didn't answer.Five hours later I called him and he said it was a pocket call. I feel confused ???
Wait another two weeks and text him as mentioned in this article.
Wait another two weeks and text him as mentioned in this article.
Kevin,
Ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. Pretty much boiled down to her not being ready to get married and that kind of commitment. We both talked about getting married, engagment etc. I think the reality set in and scared her off. We talked some off and on, took her a month to move most all of her stuff out. Our converstions now are sometime relatively normal, then she will go to being angry with me. She has a few things left at my house, blames me for not letting her know my schedule to come get them and that she's too busy, last week she told me she forgot or must have deleted the tet when we agreed she would come grab them on her lunch break. She always makes sure to let me know what shes been doing when we talk and why shes been so busy. Looking for some advice to go forward.
Tell her you need some space and time and apply no contact. Follow the 5 step plan.
Tell her you need some space and time and apply no contact. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi, Kevin!
It's me again. I wrote here because I'm feeling kinda lonely and sad and depressed and needy. We were bestfriends for 5yrs and a couple for 2yrs within that 5yrs. She broke it off and then she said there is no possibility for reconciliation. I got needy and desperate because whatever she says, she does.It's been a month since we broke it off. The first time she broke it off to me i asked if there's possibility of getting back together, she said yes there is chance. But I messed upbecame needy because I badly need an explanation as to why. Then she gt mad and eversince i have been asking her if there is a chance, she says NO. And she only wants me as friend. Ny problem here is I don't know if I shall hope and wait because she reasoned out that she no longer loves me because we always fight. She says the feeling is no longer there so there is no sense trying another chance.
I haven't done the NC rule. I can't even do it for a week. Kevin, I am afraid to do so since she no longer loves me. She might just move on and i think it will be fine with her if we don't talk for a month. I'm afraid i may lose ny chances if i do NC for 30days. I don't know what to do. I don't know if i should try harder or just walk away.
Raed,
If you really want your ex back. you have to muster all the strenght you have and bravely start NC. Its not so bad. I know u have tried everything and nothing is working. I made that mistake too. Youre just ruining your image to her if you continue to cling on her. Apply the plan. Its the only choice you have.
I wish you the best. You can overcome this.
Daniel,
Hey, man! Yes, i want her back. There are times when I just play it cool being alone but there'll be times when i feel emotionally unstable and do the most stupid things :( then regret it after. Yes, it's not just kinda hard but it is so hard. I need a lot of self-control and discipline.
I've known you've been doing good and enjoying yourself lately. Thanks, man! :)
Raed,
I am a PhD student. She broke up with me just 10 days before my exams! At first I thought I am dead! But Whenever I was about to think of her, I just opened my books! Everyday I changed my study place because the last day's place reminded me of my thoughts that I had of her yesterday. Guess what! The results of my exams were the biggest inspiration for me for a new life!
About getting my fitness back, it feels so good! Girls tend to be flirty with me now! Yesterday, I felt sad because I thought who the hell goes to gym on Friday nights and Sundays? You know what? Yesterday just out of blue, I met a woman who was blunt enough to say that she wants to sleep with me every night. I am going to meet her tonight! I think this was the last thing I needed to get my lost confidence totally back!
This 30 or more days of NC tells you to "Chill down you mad bull! Chill Down!!" Good luck to one and all: Raed, Daniel, Rihanna and everyone else!
Dara,
Wow! Hats off, man! Haha. But about that girl will you sleep with her? I think Kevin says to date or hang-out but to sleep with, is it included?
You are one lucky man! :)
Hey Raed,
I don't recommend getting into a serious relationship. If you are OK with casual sex and so is the person you are sleeping with, I don't see any harm in it.
Hey Raed,
I don't recommend getting into a serious relationship. If you are OK with casual sex and so is the person you are sleeping with, I don't see any harm in it.
Hey Raed,
I don't recommend getting into a serious relationship. If you are OK with casual sex and so is the person you are sleeping with, I don't see any harm in it.
Hey Raed,
I don't recommend getting into a serious relationship. If you are OK with casual sex and so is the person you are sleeping with, I don't see any harm in it.
Hey Raed,
I don't recommend getting into a serious relationship. If you are OK with casual sex and so is the person you are sleeping with, I don't see any harm in it.
Hey Raed,
I don't recommend getting into a serious relationship. If you are OK with casual sex and so is the person you are sleeping with, I don't see any harm in it.
Dara,
Wow! Hats off, man! Haha. But about that girl will you sleep with her? I think Kevin says to date or hang-out but to sleep with, is it included?
You are one lucky man! :)
Dara,
Wow! Hats off, man! Haha. But about that girl will you sleep with her? I think Kevin says to date or hang-out but to sleep with, is it included?
You are one lucky man! :)
Dara,
Wow! Hats off, man! Haha. But about that girl will you sleep with her? I think Kevin says to date or hang-out but to sleep with, is it included?
You are one lucky man! :)
Dara,
Wow! Hats off, man! Haha. But about that girl will you sleep with her? I think Kevin says to date or hang-out but to sleep with, is it included?
You are one lucky man! :)
Hey Raed,
This NC thing is really great! Though I sent her a letter and a text message, its about 37 days that I did not show my neediness to her! To keep me mellow I go to gym 6 days per week. I truly can't imagine myself 40 days ago when I bombarded her emails and text message but she did not respond to me! Now, I ask myself "was it really me?" Unfortunately, it was me! There is something that makes me laugh now: I asked a girl friend who is usually in trouble with her boyfriends and she told me to call her until she replies!! Now I understand why she is usually in trouble!!
Anyway, I still miss my ex, I still feel change in my heartbeat if I see her, but I am no more mad about her! I have more control over my feelings! Much more!! just wait for at least 30 days and you'll see the changes in you!!
Dara,
Hey i re-read this message of yours. I've been acting so creepy ang clingy i can't help. I want this shit out of my system. It's been a month since we became on and off but it's just really 15days since the official breakup. Am i crazy for acting as such?
Dara,
Hey! I'm glad you are doing real good! I'm having a hard time because I needto study for a bar exam so I can't go out frequently to enjoy myself and it's a burden for me to review and to think of her. I'm still feeling depressed at times but no longer the needy one I was before.
I'm looking forward to the day when I will be back to my oldself before I met her. It's exciting and thrilling at the same time! Inow have more courage to do the NC rule. Thank you, man!
We can do this! :)
Dara,
Hey i re-read this message of yours. I've been acting so creepy ang clingy i can't help. I want this shit out of my system. It's been a month since we became on and off but it's just really 15days since the official breakup. Am i crazy for acting as such?
Dara,
Hey! I'm glad you are doing real good! I'm having a hard time because I needto study for a bar exam so I can't go out frequently to enjoy myself and it's a burden for me to review and to think of her. I'm still feeling depressed at times but no longer the needy one I was before.
I'm looking forward to the day when I will be back to my oldself before I met her. It's exciting and thrilling at the same time! Inow have more courage to do the NC rule. Thank you, man!
We can do this! :)
Dara,
Hey i re-read this message of yours. I've been acting so creepy ang clingy i can't help. I want this shit out of my system. It's been a month since we became on and off but it's just really 15days since the official breakup. Am i crazy for acting as such?
Dara,
Hey! I'm glad you are doing real good! I'm having a hard time because I needto study for a bar exam so I can't go out frequently to enjoy myself and it's a burden for me to review and to think of her. I'm still feeling depressed at times but no longer the needy one I was before.
I'm looking forward to the day when I will be back to my oldself before I met her. It's exciting and thrilling at the same time! Inow have more courage to do the NC rule. Thank you, man!
We can do this! :)
Dara,
Hey i re-read this message of yours. I've been acting so creepy ang clingy i can't help. I want this shit out of my system. It's been a month since we became on and off but it's just really 15days since the official breakup. Am i crazy for acting as such?
Dara,
Hey! I'm glad you are doing real good! I'm having a hard time because I needto study for a bar exam so I can't go out frequently to enjoy myself and it's a burden for me to review and to think of her. I'm still feeling depressed at times but no longer the needy one I was before.
I'm looking forward to the day when I will be back to my oldself before I met her. It's exciting and thrilling at the same time! Inow have more courage to do the NC rule. Thank you, man!
We can do this! :)
Dara,
Hey i re-read this message of yours. I've been acting so creepy ang clingy i can't help. I want this shit out of my system. It's been a month since we became on and off but it's just really 15days since the official breakup. Am i crazy for acting as such?
Dara,
Hey! I'm glad you are doing real good! I'm having a hard time because I needto study for a bar exam so I can't go out frequently to enjoy myself and it's a burden for me to review and to think of her. I'm still feeling depressed at times but no longer the needy one I was before.
I'm looking forward to the day when I will be back to my oldself before I met her. It's exciting and thrilling at the same time! Inow have more courage to do the NC rule. Thank you, man!
We can do this! :)
Raed,
I am a PhD student. She broke up with me just 10 days before my exams! At first I thought I am dead! But Whenever I was about to think of her, I just opened my books! Everyday I changed my study place because the last day's place reminded me of my thoughts that I had of her yesterday. Guess what! The results of my exams were the biggest inspiration for me for a new life!
About getting my fitness back, it feels so good! Girls tend to be flirty with me now! Yesterday, I felt sad because I thought who the hell goes to gym on Friday nights and Sundays? You know what? Yesterday just out of blue, I met a woman who was blunt enough to say that she wants to sleep with me every night. I am going to meet her tonight! I think this was the last thing I needed to get my lost confidence totally back!
This 30 or more days of NC tells you to "Chill down you mad bull! Chill Down!!" Good luck to one and all: Raed, Daniel, Rihanna and everyone else!
Hey Raed,
This NC thing is really great! Though I sent her a letter and a text message, its about 37 days that I did not show my neediness to her! To keep me mellow I go to gym 6 days per week. I truly can't imagine myself 40 days ago when I bombarded her emails and text message but she did not respond to me! Now, I ask myself "was it really me?" Unfortunately, it was me! There is something that makes me laugh now: I asked a girl friend who is usually in trouble with her boyfriends and she told me to call her until she replies!! Now I understand why she is usually in trouble!!
Anyway, I still miss my ex, I still feel change in my heartbeat if I see her, but I am no more mad about her! I have more control over my feelings! Much more!! just wait for at least 30 days and you'll see the changes in you!!
Raed,
I am a PhD student. She broke up with me just 10 days before my exams! At first I thought I am dead! But Whenever I was about to think of her, I just opened my books! Everyday I changed my study place because the last day's place reminded me of my thoughts that I had of her yesterday. Guess what! The results of my exams were the biggest inspiration for me for a new life!
About getting my fitness back, it feels so good! Girls tend to be flirty with me now! Yesterday, I felt sad because I thought who the hell goes to gym on Friday nights and Sundays? You know what? Yesterday just out of blue, I met a woman who was blunt enough to say that she wants to sleep with me every night. I am going to meet her tonight! I think this was the last thing I needed to get my lost confidence totally back!
This 30 or more days of NC tells you to "Chill down you mad bull! Chill Down!!" Good luck to one and all: Raed, Daniel, Rihanna and everyone else!
Hey Raed,
This NC thing is really great! Though I sent her a letter and a text message, its about 37 days that I did not show my neediness to her! To keep me mellow I go to gym 6 days per week. I truly can't imagine myself 40 days ago when I bombarded her emails and text message but she did not respond to me! Now, I ask myself "was it really me?" Unfortunately, it was me! There is something that makes me laugh now: I asked a girl friend who is usually in trouble with her boyfriends and she told me to call her until she replies!! Now I understand why she is usually in trouble!!
Anyway, I still miss my ex, I still feel change in my heartbeat if I see her, but I am no more mad about her! I have more control over my feelings! Much more!! just wait for at least 30 days and you'll see the changes in you!!
Raed,
I am a PhD student. She broke up with me just 10 days before my exams! At first I thought I am dead! But Whenever I was about to think of her, I just opened my books! Everyday I changed my study place because the last day's place reminded me of my thoughts that I had of her yesterday. Guess what! The results of my exams were the biggest inspiration for me for a new life!
About getting my fitness back, it feels so good! Girls tend to be flirty with me now! Yesterday, I felt sad because I thought who the hell goes to gym on Friday nights and Sundays? You know what? Yesterday just out of blue, I met a woman who was blunt enough to say that she wants to sleep with me every night. I am going to meet her tonight! I think this was the last thing I needed to get my lost confidence totally back!
This 30 or more days of NC tells you to "Chill down you mad bull! Chill Down!!" Good luck to one and all: Raed, Daniel, Rihanna and everyone else!
Hey Raed,
This NC thing is really great! Though I sent her a letter and a text message, its about 37 days that I did not show my neediness to her! To keep me mellow I go to gym 6 days per week. I truly can't imagine myself 40 days ago when I bombarded her emails and text message but she did not respond to me! Now, I ask myself "was it really me?" Unfortunately, it was me! There is something that makes me laugh now: I asked a girl friend who is usually in trouble with her boyfriends and she told me to call her until she replies!! Now I understand why she is usually in trouble!!
Anyway, I still miss my ex, I still feel change in my heartbeat if I see her, but I am no more mad about her! I have more control over my feelings! Much more!! just wait for at least 30 days and you'll see the changes in you!!
Daniel,
Hey, man! Yes, i want her back. There are times when I just play it cool being alone but there'll be times when i feel emotionally unstable and do the most stupid things :( then regret it after. Yes, it's not just kinda hard but it is so hard. I need a lot of self-control and discipline.
I've known you've been doing good and enjoying yourself lately. Thanks, man! :)
Daniel,
Hey, man! Yes, i want her back. There are times when I just play it cool being alone but there'll be times when i feel emotionally unstable and do the most stupid things :( then regret it after. Yes, it's not just kinda hard but it is so hard. I need a lot of self-control and discipline.
I've known you've been doing good and enjoying yourself lately. Thanks, man! :)
Hey Raed,
It's not a problem if she is fine with not talking to you for a month. In fact, let her realize that she doesn't need you in her life. You should realize the same. You are keeping in touch with her right now. Do you really think it's making her realize that she needs you in her life? You are just slowly becoming a nuisance in her life. By keeping in touch with her, you can only become someone she is USED TO having in her life. But by applying no contact, you have a chance of becoming someone SHE WANTS IN HER LIFE.
Hi, Kevin and friends!
I've been so affected lately ad a bit, not just a bit but a lot tired. I think i should just quit it with her already. Thanks for all the help! I'll still be visiting here to check on you guys.
XOXO
Hey RAED,
I wish you best in your life and I am sure you will find love again and a great relationship that I know you deserve.
Hey RAED,
I wish you best in your life and I am sure you will find love again and a great relationship that I know you deserve.
Hey RAED,
I wish you best in your life and I am sure you will find love again and a great relationship that I know you deserve.
Hey RAED,
I wish you best in your life and I am sure you will find love again and a great relationship that I know you deserve.
Kevin,
Hey you are right! I haven't realize that for a while! I haven't thought that whenever I make myself present and available to her, I'm jjst doing her a favor and I'm being unfair to myself. I should do the NC so that she'll be the one to want me in her life.
But Kevin, she lost a relative. She called me and she was crying and telling me she just needs someone to talk to. I've decided this week that I shall do the NC rule. But should I be insensitive when she needs someone to talk to since she lost a relative? I am planning to do the NC a week after. Or should I just ignore her?
Thanks!
You don't have any responsibility to provide emotional support to her since she broke up with you. Still, if you want, you can start no contact after a while. You can always tell her you need space and time before starting no contact so that she will know that you are doing it for your own mental health and you are not just being insensitive.
Thank you so much, Kevin!
Thank you so much, Kevin!
Thank you so much, Kevin!
Thank you so much, Kevin!
Thank you so much, Kevin!
You don't have any responsibility to provide emotional support to her since she broke up with you. Still, if you want, you can start no contact after a while. You can always tell her you need space and time before starting no contact so that she will know that you are doing it for your own mental health and you are not just being insensitive.
You don't have any responsibility to provide emotional support to her since she broke up with you. Still, if you want, you can start no contact after a while. You can always tell her you need space and time before starting no contact so that she will know that you are doing it for your own mental health and you are not just being insensitive.
You don't have any responsibility to provide emotional support to her since she broke up with you. Still, if you want, you can start no contact after a while. You can always tell her you need space and time before starting no contact so that she will know that you are doing it for your own mental health and you are not just being insensitive.
Hi, Kevin and friends!
I've been so affected lately ad a bit, not just a bit but a lot tired. I think i should just quit it with her already. Thanks for all the help! I'll still be visiting here to check on you guys.
XOXO
Kevin,
Hey you are right! I haven't realize that for a while! I haven't thought that whenever I make myself present and available to her, I'm jjst doing her a favor and I'm being unfair to myself. I should do the NC so that she'll be the one to want me in her life.
But Kevin, she lost a relative. She called me and she was crying and telling me she just needs someone to talk to. I've decided this week that I shall do the NC rule. But should I be insensitive when she needs someone to talk to since she lost a relative? I am planning to do the NC a week after. Or should I just ignore her?
Thanks!
Hi, Kevin and friends!
I've been so affected lately ad a bit, not just a bit but a lot tired. I think i should just quit it with her already. Thanks for all the help! I'll still be visiting here to check on you guys.
XOXO
Kevin,
Hey you are right! I haven't realize that for a while! I haven't thought that whenever I make myself present and available to her, I'm jjst doing her a favor and I'm being unfair to myself. I should do the NC so that she'll be the one to want me in her life.
But Kevin, she lost a relative. She called me and she was crying and telling me she just needs someone to talk to. I've decided this week that I shall do the NC rule. But should I be insensitive when she needs someone to talk to since she lost a relative? I am planning to do the NC a week after. Or should I just ignore her?
Thanks!
Hi Raed,
Sorry to interfere but I read your story and I was feeling lonely and depressed etc... myself but took time out and pampered myself instead lol... I think you're smothering her with lots of questions and calls and texts all the time, the NC is great to give her space to miss you and give you time to prove to yourself you CAN do without her... I know it's hard I'm going through a tough time myself so good luck to us both
Hi, Rihanna!
Hey, I think I'm making friends in this site. Haha. Thankyou! Yes, it's tough but somehow we know it's worth it. There aretimes when I can manage all by myself then there will be times I will feel weak and needy. Maybe that's just normal, right?
Thnk you! We can do it! <3
Hi Raed,
Yes, it feels normal in my case too. At times I'm feel blase' about the situation and other times I feel heavy in the heart and wish I could cry (like tears will almost come out but hardly ever will) - that is until they do... awful feeling! I don't feel needy or like contacting him but I have fear of being an independent adult, doing things completely on my own, and moving on... I can't wait to prove to myself that I can do life by myself and ward off this 'fear' feeling which has accompanied me all my life... Good luck with getting what you want, we can do this and survive it too ;)
Hi Raed,
Yes, it feels normal in my case too. At times I'm feel blase' about the situation and other times I feel heavy in the heart and wish I could cry (like tears will almost come out but hardly ever will) - that is until they do... awful feeling! I don't feel needy or like contacting him but I have fear of being an independent adult, doing things completely on my own, and moving on... I can't wait to prove to myself that I can do life by myself and ward off this 'fear' feeling which has accompanied me all my life... Good luck with getting what you want, we can do this and survive it too ;)
Hi Raed,
Yes, it feels normal in my case too. At times I'm feel blase' about the situation and other times I feel heavy in the heart and wish I could cry (like tears will almost come out but hardly ever will) - that is until they do... awful feeling! I don't feel needy or like contacting him but I have fear of being an independent adult, doing things completely on my own, and moving on... I can't wait to prove to myself that I can do life by myself and ward off this 'fear' feeling which has accompanied me all my life... Good luck with getting what you want, we can do this and survive it too ;)
Hi Raed,
Yes, it feels normal in my case too. At times I'm feel blase' about the situation and other times I feel heavy in the heart and wish I could cry (like tears will almost come out but hardly ever will) - that is until they do... awful feeling! I don't feel needy or like contacting him but I have fear of being an independent adult, doing things completely on my own, and moving on... I can't wait to prove to myself that I can do life by myself and ward off this 'fear' feeling which has accompanied me all my life... Good luck with getting what you want, we can do this and survive it too ;)
Hi, Rihanna!
Hey, I think I'm making friends in this site. Haha. Thankyou! Yes, it's tough but somehow we know it's worth it. There aretimes when I can manage all by myself then there will be times I will feel weak and needy. Maybe that's just normal, right?
Thnk you! We can do it! <3
Hi, Rihanna!
Hey, I think I'm making friends in this site. Haha. Thankyou! Yes, it's tough but somehow we know it's worth it. There aretimes when I can manage all by myself then there will be times I will feel weak and needy. Maybe that's just normal, right?
Thnk you! We can do it! <3
Raed,
If you really want your ex back. you have to muster all the strenght you have and bravely start NC. Its not so bad. I know u have tried everything and nothing is working. I made that mistake too. Youre just ruining your image to her if you continue to cling on her. Apply the plan. Its the only choice you have.
I wish you the best. You can overcome this.
Hey Raed,
It's not a problem if she is fine with not talking to you for a month. In fact, let her realize that she doesn't need you in her life. You should realize the same. You are keeping in touch with her right now. Do you really think it's making her realize that she needs you in her life? You are just slowly becoming a nuisance in her life. By keeping in touch with her, you can only become someone she is USED TO having in her life. But by applying no contact, you have a chance of becoming someone SHE WANTS IN HER LIFE.
Hi Raed,
Sorry to interfere but I read your story and I was feeling lonely and depressed etc... myself but took time out and pampered myself instead lol... I think you're smothering her with lots of questions and calls and texts all the time, the NC is great to give her space to miss you and give you time to prove to yourself you CAN do without her... I know it's hard I'm going through a tough time myself so good luck to us both
hello, I had a relationship for 1 year and 3 months, now it is a 1 month and 1 week over. In the beginning I really couldn’t let go my ex so I texted him a lot and he didn’t answer most of the times, just a week ago when I accepted that it is over he started telling me that just now he start feeling bad about the break up. We started texting a lot and we planned a meeting. Today we planned to see each other. Yesterday I went to a party and had sex (for the second time with some one else, my ex was my first) and my ex canceled our meeting, because it’s not the first time he cancels a meeting I was really mad and told him I had sex with some one else. Now is my question, have I screwed up my chances to get my ex back? Can some one please help me what to do? My ex is really mad now at me and blocked me on fb… and we had a relationship that was running hot and cold, so we had our break up’s often.
Telling him out of spite was not a good idea. But whatever happened is in the past. You still have a chance. You didn't do anything wrong. He broke up with you. You had all the right in the world to do that. Start no contact. It'll give him some time to let go of his anger.
Thanks a lot kevin! I really appreciate that you take the time to read my story!
After a few heavy messages today ( both threatening a few times that we never will talk again to each other) we both agreed to do normal again. We are just friends now. Seemed that he can't imagine his life without me :D And can’t hold out the no contact rule, tried once and only hold it out for 5 days…
Thanks a lot kevin! I really appreciate that you take the time to read my story!
After a few heavy messages today ( both threatening a few times that we never will talk again to each other) we both agreed to do normal again. We are just friends now. Seemed that he can't imagine his life without me :D And can’t hold out the no contact rule, tried once and only hold it out for 5 days…
Thanks a lot kevin! I really appreciate that you take the time to read my story!
After a few heavy messages today ( both threatening a few times that we never will talk again to each other) we both agreed to do normal again. We are just friends now. Seemed that he can't imagine his life without me :D And can’t hold out the no contact rule, tried once and only hold it out for 5 days…
Telling him out of spite was not a good idea. But whatever happened is in the past. You still have a chance. You didn't do anything wrong. He broke up with you. You had all the right in the world to do that. Start no contact. It'll give him some time to let go of his anger.
Me and my ex have been together for 9 months. I never cheated on her, always been faithful, paid for everything almost, had great sex, slept together, went to church together, and had a good trust bond. But after a while she would bring up arguments, and we would argue. Most of the time I knew I was right, but she would see it as she's right. And said we couldn't solve our problems. Well towards the break up I told her I want to move on from the problems and focus on us. Well she looked at it as F*** her feelings. I never meant it that way I just wanted to make it better so she broke up with me. Since then I've been feeling stressed and I've been in pain to where I can barely stay active as I use to. I don't do much with myself because I did most of it with her.. lately ive been trying to convince her that I'm sorry for making it seem that way and bought her gifts because she said ive caused damage to her through not solving problems. Then she said thats something a friend shouldnt do so she told me she doesn't want to be friends, and there is no chance at all for us getting back. She also blocked me on her instagram. We've been broken up for about 2 months. I still have strong feelings for her and cant get over her. Im trying the no contact rule also to see if she really mean that. Well my main question is should I give up or keep trusting God that things will work out and is there still hope although she says there isn't?
Aravous, I am in a similar situation but on a flip side. Sometimes we, women, do things we don't mean.. We do it to see our men's reaction and so he would reassure us that we are loved.. I did it to my bf and I deleted him from istagram and tweeter and you name it, but I wanted him back badly.. Don't over analyze, just try to give her space. She will come around.
Bro she caused all those problems, because she was talking/smashing some other guy. Forget her and meet other women.
You're just the type of guy Kevin didn't want to see on his site. Go back to AskMen or that lot. Thanks :)
You're just the type of guy Kevin didn't want to see on his site. Go back to AskMen or that lot. Thanks :)
You're just the type of guy Kevin didn't want to see on his site. Go back to AskMen or that lot. Thanks :)
Hey,
You should do no contact for at least two months. You can probably get her back but I think you won't be able to have a healthy long term relationship with her. If what you said is right, she has a lot of communication issues and she makes impulsive decisions.
Aravous, I am in a similar situation but on a flip side. Sometimes we, women, do things we don't mean.. We do it to see our men's reaction and so he would reassure us that we are loved.. I did it to my bf and I deleted him from istagram and tweeter and you name it, but I wanted him back badly.. Don't over analyze, just try to give her space. She will come around.
Bro she caused all those problems, because she was talking/smashing some other guy. Forget her and meet other women.
Hey,
You should do no contact for at least two months. You can probably get her back but I think you won't be able to have a healthy long term relationship with her. If what you said is right, she has a lot of communication issues and she makes impulsive decisions.
My ex broke up with me because he says his feelings changed. We're both 20 and have been together for nearly eight months. We had an amicable split and he has expressed his desire to remain friends. Of course, I'm not ready for this. However, due to his reason for breaking up with me, I'm having a hard time thinking he will change his mind. Do you think no contact will work?
Yes.
Yes.
Hey Kevin,
So I learned yesterday that she started a relationship with a woman. 38, 18 years older than her. She's in love and believes she found her soul mate. The woman in question was in an 8 year relationship with another woman her age. It's one of her "friends" that belonged to the "dog lovers" group of friends of hers. They started a relationship around the time she broke up with me. She had felt curiosity about girls before, but she also felt attracted to men. I don't know if this makes her a lesbian, or bi, or if it matters.
I am completely lost. I don't hate her for this, but I must say I don't know how to handle it. I was doing great, regaining all my strength and confidence, belief. I was cool with her seeing other people, and me being with other people. But I guess I wasn't prepared for this kind of closure. I find myself second guessing myself, doubting myself. All the memories now come back and I make connections I didn't see before. I don't know what to do Kevin, and I don't have the guts to talk about this to anybody around me. She doesn't know I know, and I don't plan on acting like I know.
I feel utterly defeated. This is something I don't know how to compete against.
Hey Carlos,
If that's the case, then you should try to accept it and move on in your life. It sucks that this happened to you. Hopefully, you will start feeling better with time. Although, there was a case similar to yours where the girl ended up coming back. However, she was quite young and I don't want to give you false hope. So, my advice to you would still be to concentrate on moving on. You can read about that case over here.
I also know that although early in their relationship, they are already having quite a few fights. She's afraid to stand up to her because she feels in love and fears ruining it. The woman in question is known to be hard to handle and is very emotional. I don't know if that helps you knowing whether or not this is a rebound relationship.
This is probobly not as bad situation that you might think. If you broke up not long ago there is probobly a great chance she is in a rebound relationship niw. If shes been having thoughts about girls earlier this might be a way for her to try getting in touch with that part if herself so it might be more of experimenting. The fact that shes with an older woman that is more controlling from the sound of it, to me that signals that she wants guidens in this "experimenting" phase.
For a guy to get to grips with the possibility and accept the fact that our ex might start dating others while we try win her back is hard. And it will probobly sting in our heart no matter how prepared we feel.
But most of us probobly doesnt consider the fact that they might start dating girls and hence we arent ready to deal with that as much as them starting dating guys, and if they date girls that will make us think that we as guys are completly out of the game but that is irrational thinking.
Id say to you start working according to the 5 step plan. If shes in a new relationship, be cool about it and stick to the plan.
Hope it all works out for you.
This is probobly not as bad situation that you might think. If you broke up not long ago there is probobly a great chance she is in a rebound relationship niw. If shes been having thoughts about girls earlier this might be a way for her to try getting in touch with that part if herself so it might be more of experimenting. The fact that shes with an older woman that is more controlling from the sound of it, to me that signals that she wants guidens in this "experimenting" phase.
For a guy to get to grips with the possibility and accept the fact that our ex might start dating others while we try win her back is hard. And it will probobly sting in our heart no matter how prepared we feel.
But most of us probobly doesnt consider the fact that they might start dating girls and hence we arent ready to deal with that as much as them starting dating guys, and if they date girls that will make us think that we as guys are completly out of the game but that is irrational thinking.
Id say to you start working according to the 5 step plan. If shes in a new relationship, be cool about it and stick to the plan.
Hope it all works out for you.
This is probobly not as bad situation that you might think. If you broke up not long ago there is probobly a great chance she is in a rebound relationship niw. If shes been having thoughts about girls earlier this might be a way for her to try getting in touch with that part if herself so it might be more of experimenting. The fact that shes with an older woman that is more controlling from the sound of it, to me that signals that she wants guidens in this "experimenting" phase.
For a guy to get to grips with the possibility and accept the fact that our ex might start dating others while we try win her back is hard. And it will probobly sting in our heart no matter how prepared we feel.
But most of us probobly doesnt consider the fact that they might start dating girls and hence we arent ready to deal with that as much as them starting dating guys, and if they date girls that will make us think that we as guys are completly out of the game but that is irrational thinking.
Id say to you start working according to the 5 step plan. If shes in a new relationship, be cool about it and stick to the plan.
Hope it all works out for you.
Hey Carlos,
If that's the case, then you should try to accept it and move on in your life. It sucks that this happened to you. Hopefully, you will start feeling better with time. Although, there was a case similar to yours where the girl ended up coming back. However, she was quite young and I don't want to give you false hope. So, my advice to you would still be to concentrate on moving on. You can read about that case over here.
I also know that although early in their relationship, they are already having quite a few fights. She's afraid to stand up to her because she feels in love and fears ruining it. The woman in question is known to be hard to handle and is very emotional. I don't know if that helps you knowing whether or not this is a rebound relationship.
Hi Kevin,
I need your advice on a situation - mine is a little different from your articles (however they have helped me a lot) my ex and I recently stop talking 2 weeks ago. We have been off and on for about 3 years now and this time we were taking things slow. However another woman (who he has been involved with in the past before, DURING, and after us) was still in the picture and I didn't like it. He would explain they were just friends and all other kinds of rubbish I didn't (and still don't believe) and allowed her to write something on HER social network sites regarding him in a very non-friendly way.
Finally I decided enough was enough and that was a slap in the face and we got into a huge argument about it. He still insisted it meant nothing, but he also said at this point we should take a break from eachother (there's no time limit on it) and I just said ok and haven't contacted him since that day. The argument was HORRIBLE and a lot of things were said that were below the belt - however that's sadly nothing out of the ordinary.
I also told him I was "dating" someone else and they treated me way better.
Now I see that him and her are still in communication. He still hangs out with her. Just still involved in that area. It pisses me off so bad I have no desire to contact him.
However our history is always although I'm pissed at him I eventually give in and miss him and contact him and end up apologizing (for no reason) however this time there is NO WAY I would do that because what he did was so wrong.
Being this situation is a little different do you think he still keeps in contact with her to piss me off? (He knows or obviously knew I looked at her social media) and lastly do you think he's really thinking anything of me not contacting him (I feel like he doesn't care because he has a doormat like her to entertain him - who also knew for a fact he was still involved with me BECAUSE I TOLD HER and showed her pictures however she doesn't care she's just so happy to get any attention)
Nonetheless I just want the upper hand for once! I went respect! Do you think he even cares I haven't contacted him? I know it's only been 2 weeks, but usually I always contact him by now (EVEN if I did nothing wrong).
I'll never be ok with him having other women in the picture - do men really respect when women allow this? It seems that him and her get along because she remains silent about him entertaining several women.
I'm just hoping not contacting him and seemingly moving on with my life may finally open my eyes if there will be no change - there will be no me.
Please respond!
Your wasting your time with him!!! They have a past history together and he was WITH HER while he was with you, really it doesn't take a genius to see he cares about HER MORE!!! Sorry darling don't wanna sound like a jerk here but YOU ARE the other woman and only a visitor in his life. Trust me I went through this same situation so do yourself a favor and find a man that puts YOU FIRST!!! Take care and stay the strong beautiful person you are!!
This sound like my situation....girl please, he won't stop being friends w/her. The best thing for you to do is decide if you want him in your life or not! And play it cool cuz the more angry you get the less attractive you look and gives im reason to wanna be friends w/her. As for your break up Don't contact him...trust he's thinking about you, granted that he has a lil distraction. Don't give in and contact him. He is a manipulator, he's used to you running back! Confuse his ass. Stand up for yourself, he will respect you for it. BUT TRUST N BELIEVE he is thinking about you.
This sound like my situation....girl please, he won't stop being friends w/her. The best thing for you to do is decide if you want him in your life or not! And play it cool cuz the more angry you get the less attractive you look and gives im reason to wanna be friends w/her. As for your break up Don't contact him...trust he's thinking about you, granted that he has a lil distraction. Don't give in and contact him. He is a manipulator, he's used to you running back! Confuse his ass. Stand up for yourself, he will respect you for it. BUT TRUST N BELIEVE he is thinking about you.
This sound like my situation....girl please, he won't stop being friends w/her. The best thing for you to do is decide if you want him in your life or not! And play it cool cuz the more angry you get the less attractive you look and gives im reason to wanna be friends w/her. As for your break up Don't contact him...trust he's thinking about you, granted that he has a lil distraction. Don't give in and contact him. He is a manipulator, he's used to you running back! Confuse his ass. Stand up for yourself, he will respect you for it. BUT TRUST N BELIEVE he is thinking about you.
He is definitely thinking about you not contacting him. And if you continue to do so, there's a good chance he will contact you. Even if he doesn't and you choose to contact him, do so using the letter. Accept, don't apologize in the letter. Just say that you've accepted the breakup and hopefully you can catch up soon (as mentioned in the article). It'll still help you keep the upper hand.
Your wasting your time with him!!! They have a past history together and he was WITH HER while he was with you, really it doesn't take a genius to see he cares about HER MORE!!! Sorry darling don't wanna sound like a jerk here but YOU ARE the other woman and only a visitor in his life. Trust me I went through this same situation so do yourself a favor and find a man that puts YOU FIRST!!! Take care and stay the strong beautiful person you are!!
He is definitely thinking about you not contacting him. And if you continue to do so, there's a good chance he will contact you. Even if he doesn't and you choose to contact him, do so using the letter. Accept, don't apologize in the letter. Just say that you've accepted the breakup and hopefully you can catch up soon (as mentioned in the article). It'll still help you keep the upper hand.
Kevin,
Just an update:
For me 30 days of NC are over and I delivered her the my hand written letter on Tuesday. She always praised my handwriting. No response yet. Not a surprise. My Facebook still blocked.
During these 30 days, I have changed a lot! Back to the shape when I met her first 9 month ago. Dropped about 25 lbs in last 2 months. She used to call me sexy boy. Going to gym 6days/week has changed my mentality a lot! I don't see her as a lot girlfriend but as someone I have crash on (maybe a bit more). Though there are a few moments that I still feel bad.
Also, during those 30 days I saw her 3 or 4 times in the gym. No words exchanged. Funniest thing is that every time I felt that someone is looking at me and it was her! But when I looked back at her, she changed her direction! I didn't chase her at all!!
Today, I saw her at our monthly group meeting. Well, no eye contacts from here side! At the end, it was 3 of us left and the session got over. I tried to break the ice by trying to talk to her but she tended to be flirty with the other guy who was closer to her. I said "see you later" to them and came out. I am 100% sure that she won't get attracted to that guy and that guy does not have balls to touch my girl (oh fuck, my ex).
Next week there is an appreciation day in the campus where I will probably meet her again (not sure)! But I am already ready with my new sets of clothes! Well, that being said, what do you suggest to do next? I have a feeling that she will ignore my text message. Well, when she does not respond to my "see you later" how can I expect her to respond to my text? More disgustingly, before the breakup by acting needy, I had made it easy or usual for her not to respond to my text messages.
Also, she works as a student employee and I can simply get to her office to ask for something as an excuse, simply to break the ice!
Your remark is truly appreciated Kevin!
Regards,
Dara
Hey,
She is still holding a grudge against you and is trying to "win" the breakup (as evident by her flirting). I'll recommend another month or two of no contact before you try to contact her again.
Hey Kevin,
Thank you for your precise reply. In fact, she has won a lot of trophies when I became doormat in last 3 months of our relationship. But I am no more a loser! This time she underestimated me! I even believe that she underestimated me when she called for breakup the last time! I will "win" this last one! Thanks again!
Hey Kevin,
Thank you for your precise reply. In fact, she has won a lot of trophies when I became doormat in last 3 months of our relationship. But I am no more a loser! This time she underestimated me! I even believe that she underestimated me when she called for breakup the last time! I will "win" this last one! Thanks again!
Hey Kevin,
Thank you for your precise reply. In fact, she has won a lot of trophies when I became doormat in last 3 months of our relationship. But I am no more a loser! This time she underestimated me! I even believe that she underestimated me when she called for breakup the last time! I will "win" this last one! Thanks again!
Kevin,
I just sent her a text message while attaching a picture of me in a dog park where she drove me to once and I said in the text, "guess where I was today. It reminded me of 23rd March, the day we had ice-cream together here"!
Lets see if she responses. I think she likes me but had made her mind to not respond to me!
Hey,
She is still holding a grudge against you and is trying to "win" the breakup (as evident by her flirting). I'll recommend another month or two of no contact before you try to contact her again.
Kevin,
I just sent her a text message while attaching a picture of me in a dog park where she drove me to once and I said in the text, "guess where I was today. It reminded me of 23rd March, the day we had ice-cream together here"!
Lets see if she responses. I think she likes me but had made her mind to not respond to me!
Kevin,
Im not sure about the positive changes. I started going to the gym and i became slimmer. She noticed it before i went NC. I also alot better now that before. I feel confident and good now. Are tese postivi changes? I cant seem to have a drastic change in my life. So im kinda worried that nothing has changed in me. I hope to hear some advixe from you. Thanks.
Yes, these are. And they'll definitely work to your advantage.
PS: im having fun. Really having a great time with friends. Goin on vacation 3 times since i started NC. Always playing my sport. And always laughing with friends. I realized that this was my former self. Thi i s what i do before my ex came along.
But im just not sure if this is enough change. A lot can happen in 30 days. Maybe im just over thinking what i can do to change myself??
Need really good advice kevin.
Im almost there i know. Just final touches. Thankyou. :)
Yes, these are. And they'll definitely work to your advantage.
PS: im having fun. Really having a great time with friends. Goin on vacation 3 times since i started NC. Always playing my sport. And always laughing with friends. I realized that this was my former self. Thi i s what i do before my ex came along.
But im just not sure if this is enough change. A lot can happen in 30 days. Maybe im just over thinking what i can do to change myself??
Need really good advice kevin.
Im almost there i know. Just final touches. Thankyou. :)
KEVIN , a man needs your EXPERT advice!
The details:
I'm a 28 year old male, she's a 24 year old female. We dated for 2.5 years with the last year being long distance due to my career. My girlfriend wanted to move in with me for the last 6 months and follow me to my new job beginning now (to go where I was working... I have since MOVED there now.. been here 3 days to a new city, so we are still in different cities) but I kept saying lets wait until I got back home to discuss things before I made my second move due to my career (this past week). I visited her in early May. I felt we had a solid two week visit where we worked on things, but the last few months leading up to this point, she has literally said all kinds of things like "you cant change the way I feel", "its just part of life, but our memories will last", "you should have asked me to move in months ago, and now its too late".. and most importantly, "Im not moving n with you because I don't have the security to leave my job and I am not doing long distance for an extended period of time"... she wanted no gifts from the city I was working, told me it was pretty much over. I asked for a chance, and she reluctantly said yes...So I still showed up to her door to work on things for those 2 weeks, and I thought we made some good progress. Once I got back to my old job (to finish up some things before I moved to my new, current job in a different city), she started arguing and complaining that she would never be a priority in my life and that she wanted me to apologize for not spending enough time with her at her home and then going out to a dinner with a female friend... again, more stupid emotional drama that I was burnt out with. I told her she should be happy I even showed up, and for the first time in months, told her how I felt about how needy she was.. I countered with saying some things that really hurt her about me putting up with all her complaining and putting up with all the drama...and how she was never understanding that it was difficult with my new job for her to come live with me right away. Basically, I feel she doubted the relationship the last few months and can't handle distance well. I wasn't prepared for proposing, and she knew that, but I think she just keeps pressuring me to make her #1. I finally had enough, and broke up with her...it was ugly with many hurtful things she said to me and I said to her. She texted me "I thought you truly loved me :( "... I didn't respond, and her last text was "goodbye and good luck with your life" and mine was "thanks for understanding that this just isn't working. Were too good to end like this and we should be on good terms. Call me whenever you'd like to talk" type of thing.
So it's really bad..
The problem, is that I AM NOW HAVING REGRETS :(
I have read your site about 30 days no-contact... and she's not just an addiction- I feel like I see potential. The problem is that she was just too emotionally unstable and pressuring me for her to be my only priority-- i have a very important job and that will always be a priority. I don't know if she will ever understand that, but she hasn't contacted me since. I'm open to working on things, but not sure if she is anymore.
A mutual friend says she was initially really hurt and upset about what I said to her, but another says she's now at ease after 10 days of no-contact. When the second mutual friend suggesting calling me (she was unaware I asked the friend to do this), she said "its too stressful to talk to him".
I don't know what to do. It's been 10 days no contact. I figure to do the 30 day no-contact, but I am the one that broke up with her. Shouldn't this be a case where I reach out to her, and NOT wait for her? I worry that if I keep waiting past 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, etc.. she will just move on like my friend said she already is..and in my opinion, she already was preparing herself to move on the last couple months with what she was saying.
Please get back to me with your opinion.. lots of hurt feelings, and I put the ball in her court and havent heard from her. At what point should I contact? If ever? Help!
I guess I can relate with this situation. I mean, my bf broke up with me because I guess I could say, I'm emootionally unstable, I'm too much jealous, so much emotional drama that pushed him to the limit. So he said he would set me free to have time for myself because I was too focused on him. I got desperate and needy after the break up. I'm on my 1 week NC now because I realized that I have a lot of things to work on for myself, I see potential for both of us but I have to deal being a mess first so I could be much confident. I love him dearly and I honestly want him back, but I guess I have to prepare for the worst for I know he had enough of me being too jealous. Though I feel that he still has feelings for me but it's just not enough, he wants me to grow and change for the better.
I guess in your case, your ex has to re-assess things as well, and it's possible for you to be together again in time.
She won't move on in 30 days. And you should get back in touch with her after that. She might get used to not having you in her life, but she won't move on completely. That's exactly what we want. You want her to start seeing you in a new light. There's a chance that if you contact her and tell her you want to get back together right now, she'll accept. But I believe you'll be doing a mistake.
Right now, you've just been 10 days of no contact. You are in the missing phase of the breakup. And in this phase, your mind will do anything to justify getting back together. If you read your message, you said she was emotionally unstable and pressuring you to make her the only priority. I think that's a huge red flag and no relationship can be healthy if those are the issues in it. And there's no guarantee that things will change once you get her back. So, I'll recommend you do no contact. Not for her, but for yourself.
I guess I can relate with this situation. I mean, my bf broke up with me because I guess I could say, I'm emootionally unstable, I'm too much jealous, so much emotional drama that pushed him to the limit. So he said he would set me free to have time for myself because I was too focused on him. I got desperate and needy after the break up. I'm on my 1 week NC now because I realized that I have a lot of things to work on for myself, I see potential for both of us but I have to deal being a mess first so I could be much confident. I love him dearly and I honestly want him back, but I guess I have to prepare for the worst for I know he had enough of me being too jealous. Though I feel that he still has feelings for me but it's just not enough, he wants me to grow and change for the better.
I guess in your case, your ex has to re-assess things as well, and it's possible for you to be together again in time.
She won't move on in 30 days. And you should get back in touch with her after that. She might get used to not having you in her life, but she won't move on completely. That's exactly what we want. You want her to start seeing you in a new light. There's a chance that if you contact her and tell her you want to get back together right now, she'll accept. But I believe you'll be doing a mistake.
Right now, you've just been 10 days of no contact. You are in the missing phase of the breakup. And in this phase, your mind will do anything to justify getting back together. If you read your message, you said she was emotionally unstable and pressuring you to make her the only priority. I think that's a huge red flag and no relationship can be healthy if those are the issues in it. And there's no guarantee that things will change once you get her back. So, I'll recommend you do no contact. Not for her, but for yourself.
Hi Kevin,
Your website changed my life and no matter what will happen in my life I am very grateful for finding it.
I am 34 with a child (not his), he is 32. We work together. I left my husband for him, he left his girlfriend for me. We have been together just over a year. It was extremely difficult time because of the circumstances of getting together and getting out of our relationships. There were lots of tension, insecurity, stress and drama. We had lots of toxic fights and finally we broke up. A week or two after a break up he got back to his ex… I found out recently that they were in constant touch while he was with me. I know she was crazy in love with him and I know he never told her about me and he felt very guilty that he cheated on her.
I know he loved me but his ex managed to achieve what I am trying to do now.
Since the break up while he is with her, he emailed me, called me once but I didn't answer and he stated his new relationship status on Facebook a few days ago. It was so painful that I emailed him wishing him all the best but I also said how hurt I am and I asked for not to email and text me ever again.
Do you think there is still a chance for me especially that we work together and see every day although I do my best to minimise the contact? I avoid him as much as I can but actually he is the one who comes to my department. I can not change my job. Is there anything I can do except ' no contact' rule?
Hey Alicia,
To be honest, if he went back to his ex, chances of you getting him back are slim. You can still try the 5 step plan but I'll recommend you only try it once and if it doesn't work, move on.
Hey Alicia,
To be honest, if he went back to his ex, chances of you getting him back are slim. You can still try the 5 step plan but I'll recommend you only try it once and if it doesn't work, move on.
Okay everyone, strange pet names you have called your exs before, lets hear them?
This is what I called my ex, "Bunny" or "Lil'Bunny"
It originated from her limited edition Playboy Bunny thong and bra set, my favorite!!!
Sturrling. With two 'R's.
Sturrling. With two 'R's.
hi
i start a friendship with a guy in 2009 everything start with a good friendship tnen we start a physical relation i thought friend with benefits its kind of relation i want bout after two years i fall in love with him and i think he did fall in love with me because he used to care for me be there for me .we were happy before me he used to had a GF his GF went to marry someone else after 5 years his ex GF come back he said he love her and he left me after few months he come back and he said he wanted to be with me i loved him so i excepted him back bout our relation its kind of on and off i told him i can not be friend with benefit for him anymore because i love him and that hurt my heart and soul if he love me and wanted to be with me we should visit our family introduce him to my family and i want to visit his family if he don't want to be with me we should end up because i cant be his friend with benefit then last night he send sms saying i dumped him i said to him i didn't dumped him i just told him how i feel my life has been destroyed i truly love him please give me some advise.
Hey Sarah,
You did the right thing. You should tell him you need some space and time and start no contact. He will probably contact you after a while.
Hey Sarah,
You did the right thing. You should tell him you need some space and time and start no contact. He will probably contact you after a while.
Kevin,
This breakup has been especially painful for me. I know you suggested going out on other dates. I've already done so. I even spoke to dozens of new people online. I'm reading, writing, exercising. Getting checked out by the dentist and doctor. Pretty much the only thing to do is a new hairdo. My hair grows in too slowly. I'll have to deal with that later.
My ex's birthday happens to be in mid July so I might risk it. I reach 60 days of NC a few days after his bday. I figure there's no harm in trying anyway. My goal is to reach out to him on August 1. But if I get impatient, maybe a week or two sooner. Waiting too long wouldn't be ideal in our case since it was such a brief relationship. Besides, I am sick and tired of the baggage he gave me already.
She broke up with me because im being overprotective, jealous and making rules on things that she wear and do. She told me 'Enough. I dont want it anymore' then i started panicking then after 2 days i texted her and asked her if shes mad on because of my actions. she told me that shes not mad then i asked if we can be friends and then she accepted it and then it told her if we can study at the library when the class starts and if she can promise me that we can still be in the future and she answered me 'Fred dont push yourself on expecting for me. No. i rather go home and no. I break up with you right? youve always wanted your rules to be followed." then i said sorry then she texted me "sorry too. You must know your limitations now" then after that i send her a message on fb that i wont bug her life just remember that i love you and i also asked her if we can be friends. she said yes. what should I do sir?
Follow the steps in the article.
Follow the steps in the article.
i really liked your post Kevin. few issues with me as well. had a serious relationship for last one year. married guy with kids. he said he loved me. we were all the time on texts. same work place. since the very beginning he has a habbit of disappearing for no reason. i have to plead him evry time to come back. he is doing this again for last four months. i have tried every thing to get him back. he doesnt even bother to look at me now. after may be 30 msges he replies to one. he says he z just not in right frame, things are not in his control. he doesnt care at ll. he was never the caring sort. guide me please.
Follow the steps in the article Sam.
Follow the steps in the article Sam.
I'm really missing her right now, its different than from before, no longer that sharp pain that feels as if the red hot iron of a brand was being pressed against my very soul nor is it that feeling of a pit in my chest that would leave me with an emptiness inside deeper and more profound than the dark abyss of a black hole. This is something new, something that I've been feeling these past few days, it is an ache, one that seems to be ever present though changes in intensity, rising and falling with each hour, at times its as if it has vanished completely until it represents itself again.
Its been a week but I will be forced to see him for a friends(his housemates) event a wedding- I am his +1 but am on the mutual invitation and I promised the bride who I became friends with that I would go. How do I handle this?
Treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Have fun at the wedding. Don't have any conversation with him longer than 5 minutes. Don't talk about anything personal.
Treat him like an acquaintance you are in good terms with. Have fun at the wedding. Don't have any conversation with him longer than 5 minutes. Don't talk about anything personal.
How do I unsubscribe? This is the first time that I've had an e-series before but I'm not completely sure about how to unsubscribe to one. I felt like I already messed up all of my chances with her, and I just plain give up.
Hey Gideon,
There's a link at the bottom of each email you get that says "unsubscribe". You can click on it to unsubscribe. For now, I've done it for you.
I also looked in the FAQ section for it.. no luck.
Hey Gideon,
There's a link at the bottom of each email you get that says "unsubscribe". You can click on it to unsubscribe. For now, I've done it for you.
I also looked in the FAQ section for it.. no luck.
Hi Kevin,
I been together with this sweet girl on and off for 4 years. shes 24 now im 32
i was her first real boyfriend, first love and first time. the reason of the on and off relationship has mainly being because of me. i hurt her when i met her 4 years ago when i left her for an ex. then the ex dint wanted me back so me and this girl we got back together. during this whole time she will express to me how umcomfortable she feels that i still talk to my ex and is not because she was jealous but because she coulnt believe i became good friends with someone who treat her like shit ( my ex although she dint wanted to b with me shell come to her house and talk to her bad ) and i also treat her bad because of her, like i got a tattoo of my ex before i met this girl and she will asked me to remove it but i never did till now.
basically it will b years of fighting her telling me her needs and comfort levels and i would b a idiot telling her is the past to move on. that i love her, then ill say jealousy insecurity etc. she will get offended.
from all this 4 years that we been on and off she will hook up with people (when we break up ) she wont go like less than 2 weeks without having rebounds and some relationships, but then ill come back and beg for her this and that and she will leave whoever shes with to b with me. 4 years and aside from me shes been intimate with like 5 guys. but me everytime we break up im just alone i never been in the need to have sex with somebody else that is not her because i love her.
I been reading all emails that we exchange during this years and they are the same she doesnt feel heard, she ask for time and she ends it up contacting me.
this last break up its very intense. i had her promise that i would only talk to my ex as an ac·quaintance. things were good and one night i brough her a bouquet of flowers just because. she loved it. later that night like at 4 am she woke me up saying i lie to her. she had check my fb and phone and saw that i talk to my ex like a good friend.
she got very upset. at that time we were living together. she asked me for space so she went upstate to think about it. i got really mad and i talked to friends and wanted to break up. i dint wanted to be with someone like that. she came back and wanted to talk, i responded "i need time " she got very insulted and broke up with me.
i sent an email saying i love you a lot i hope we can grow in the relationship your also my first love but i wanna talk to whoever i want etc.
she responded by email saying. i cant see you dont get what im saying. she make it clear how she doenst feel heard etc.
a whole month pass and we dint talked. i miss her deeply and was forcing myself not to call her. then at the end of that month she texted me saying she had something for me it was a gift.
i call her right away and beg to come back. she got scared and ask for more time. 2 days later i hired her to work this party with me.
party ended and she asked to stay at my house, we share the same bed we cuddle then shell feel bad. she also said she felt in love with her bestfriend. we talked i cried and beg her to give me one more chance she dint want to then cried to.
long story short she stayed almost a whole week in my bed since that party.
it would b a mix of cuddle then no give me space, cuddle, no this is too romantic.
then she asked me for more time, but a few days later we will ran into each other on the streets. she wanted to keep it simple and distant but at the end she will invite her self to my house and of course i always said yes so once again we cuddle, she would let me kiss her neck etc. very sweet stuff but no kissing no sex.
then she asked me to take the train to her to her work, on that ride she offered to get me an ok cupid profile. i got very mad and said i dont care about that, we discuss she said shell see other people and it wont b an equal friendship etc, i told her not to worry for me, then her stop came and left.
2 days later she came to my house to hang out, we cuddle at night watch a movie etc. next morning it was so sweet shell pet me and treat me so sweet with no feeling bad, she asked me to go to her work again with her, i did. the whole train ride (1 hour ) ill put my face on her shoulders shell pet me and the more time we spent on the train the more intense it got it wasnt just me kissing her neck, then it was her kissing my cheeks, my forehead, she will want me to do that to her too. then 3 stops before her stop she asked me :what if we have a one last kiss then promise not to contact me because this is very hard for me " i said yes
we kiss and i could tell she loves me a lot.
by mistake i had her train card with me. so she calls me after work to get it. she express over the phone she still remains on that promise of not talking for a month. i said yes
she comes to my house at night time. i prepare a nice dinner for her. a nice table.wine.flowers candles all that. she doenst like it and she feels sad she said she needs to talk. her bday just happened a few days ago. she found out i had a surprise bday party for her with all her friends (that actually they hate me ) and also found out that i bought a plane ticket for her brother to come from cali to nyc. she love that but she felt bad. she dint wanted to sit on the table but at the end she did. i told her how much i love her how she makes me feel. how i see now the mistakes i made and how i treat her with no respect. she went from a few awww to i cant be in a relationship with you right now. with noone actually its gonna take me time to fall in love etc. lets give each other time.
she went to my room to get her stuff i dint move from the table as i was sad and crying.
she came back to the table standing by my side and pet me. i asked her for one last kiss. she actually gave me 2. one long then she back up then gave me another one then she left.
she lost her house keys that night so she came back a few hours after that dinner and last kiss. she saw me all drunk and in a bad estate. we slept in the same bed once again cuddeling. next morning she offer to buy the "last breakfast " i was sad so it was a shitty breakfast then came back home got her stuff and we said till later.
its been 8 days now since i havent contacted her. her bday was yesterday and her brother is here. im gonna give her space. but im very sad i miss her alot. what do you think about this. should i wait for her to contact me or contact her when that month is over? how shoudl i handle the situation when we see each other again. i really want her back. shes truly the love of my life.
You should contact her again after 30 days. Read the 5 step plan.
You should contact her again after 30 days. Read the 5 step plan.
I am going to try to keep this short. Also i want to say in advance that english is not my native language.
I am 19 years old and was togheter with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. We broke up 3 weeks ago because she was not attracted to me anymore. We had some fights and also I got very needy and jealous. I started NC but after 2 weeks I contacted her again because I wanted to be at least friends before we go on a vacation with friends.
Then I found out that she has already slept with a "friend" of mine. He started to bully me with pictures etc. I cancelled the vacation with them and I told my ex that I was not happy with the way she handled things after the break up.
Now everything sounds very negative about my ex but she is a nice girl. I am honestly very surprised that she acting this way. I am wondering if there is any change that we can get back togheter or at least be friends.
There's definitely a chance. You should read and follow this article.
There's definitely a chance. You should read and follow this article.
hey my name is alex and i had a girlfriend for 1 year and she loved me that much that she would take a bullet for me and i was the only person she would say all the secrets to me she trusted me like her own family..we were so happy for 11 months but that last month we started to argue lot and then she started to be friends with this single girls that wanted her to be single and would take to hear year that she deserve better and all this... then she told me she wants to be friends just friends then i done the most stupid thing ever and i know im idiot for doing it i regret it so much i was thinking her to miss me i lied for 15 days that im over seas and would call her of private number and say how im in europe and she would cry every day over the fone how much she miss me and love me but then some how she found out that i was lying about it :( and now she is hurt so much she said that i broke her heart she has been in tears every day she was telling me that i was one person that she trusted so much and now i hurt her so much and now she thinks that i lie everything..but i was a man and admited that i was a fool for doing all that and that i have no excuse...i heard that she's been so upset every day and crying about how i let her down because she trusted me so much...but i really didn't mean to hurt her and to end this way she still loves me alot but told me this is the end and not ot contact her.....IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF GETTING HER BACK IN MY LIFE and how can i make her miss me????
You should follow the steps alex.
You should follow the steps alex.
Hey Kevin,
Its been a while since my last comment (May 21, 2014) and I need some more advice.
I subscribed to the @mails and they have helped me quite a bit so far. In one of the latest mails you mentioned the reasons why my girlfriend might have broken up with me and I have thought back to the time we spend together and I basically did all 4 things you shouldn't do(Acting Jealous, seeking approval, controlling and clingy) from the second date and after. But after hearing this it made perfect sense and I believe that the relationship could be absolutely great if I just grow a pair and be myself instead of someone who was willingly afraid of nothing. And the only reason I did any of those things is because This was my first relationship and I chose to be scared since I couldn't believe I managed to get a girlfriend and have someone who loves me.
She told me that it didn't feel right but she had no idea why. But knowing this I know that with all the stress she had at the time, me being unattractive was enough to push her over the edge and end the relationship
Now, It did help alot with making me feel better but now I'm worried that she won't give me a second chance since the relationship only lasted 3 weeks.
The no contact thing isn't really working either, we still talk for the project but since we share the same friend group we spend almost every break together and also talk on skype. I try to avoid talking to her but there are times when I can't do that.
Another problem is that my wisdom tooth is bad and needs to be removed. that needs to be done right after the project is done and basically makes me suffer for a week or 2. making the total silent time around 6 or 7 weeks. And she also goes on a holiday with her family for 2 weeks and I don't know the exact date but I think its around the time I recovered from my surgery.
In the end I don't want to ruin this relationship just because she's to stressed right now, me being an idiot and making myself an attention killer and finally having stitches in my mouth during the new date.
I would really like to know what I should do.
Hey Tim,
Don't worry about the stitches in your mouth. I doubt they will make much of a difference. However, like I said in my last comment, your chances are very less to begin with since she was never really invested in the relationship. In fact, I'll highly recommend you try to date other girls and start a relationship with someone else. If you've only been in one relationship, how can you be sure that it's the best one for you. The fact that you are trying to hold on to the relationship means that you still don't believe that you can find someone who loves you. It might not be in your conscious mind but I am pretty sure this thought is in your subconscious.
And the best way to change that belief is to start dating someone else and start another relationship.
Hey Tim,
Don't worry about the stitches in your mouth. I doubt they will make much of a difference. However, like I said in my last comment, your chances are very less to begin with since she was never really invested in the relationship. In fact, I'll highly recommend you try to date other girls and start a relationship with someone else. If you've only been in one relationship, how can you be sure that it's the best one for you. The fact that you are trying to hold on to the relationship means that you still don't believe that you can find someone who loves you. It might not be in your conscious mind but I am pretty sure this thought is in your subconscious.
And the best way to change that belief is to start dating someone else and start another relationship.
Hi Kevin,
My ex has recently broken up with me after over 3 years of us being together, and nearly 3 years of us living together. I am 23 and he is 30.
We had our ups and downs, but most recently we had been having some amazing times, so this came as a total shock to me, and has made me hurt more than I thought was possible. He used the excuse that he is scared of my father, but I feel like he is hiding the actual reason from me. He has said that he never wants me to contact him again because he needs to learn how to get over me. I know that for now I need to give him his space and have a period of no contact, but should I respect what he has said and not ever get back in touch, or should I wait a suitable period and then contact him again?
I'm a much better person with him than I am without him, and want to get back this relationship, as I can't imagine ever feeling like this about anyone else, so I could really use some advice about whether I should or shouldn't contact him again in the future.
Thanks
You should send him the letter mentioned in the article after 45 days of no contact, despite of what he said.
You should send him the letter mentioned in the article after 45 days of no contact, despite of what he said.
Hey Kevin. I finished my NC rule a few weeks ago and txted him a nice massage. Sadly he didn't message back but I didn't go into texting gnat mode. I decided to wait until June 6th to message him again. I'm a little nervous because I really have cleaned up my act since the break up and I'm worried that he really doesn't want to give me another chance. Believing and being patient is hard for me but your messages make me feel a little bit stronger everyday. Thank You. :)
Hello!
I came here newly single and looking for a way to get him back... a few months later, here I am, not wanting him back, not missing him, and having met someone far better for me. :-) I realized I didn't want him back, due in no small part to your emails. I went out and did things, started working on being happy by myself... and BAM! Stopped missing him and met a guy who treats me better and is pretty much everything I wanted that was missing from my last relationship. So thank you. It's been a pleasure.
~K
That's awesome Kirsti. I wish you best in your new relationship.
That's awesome Kirsti. I wish you best in your new relationship.
Hi Kevin, my ex and I were on and off for two years. We broke up in November because he said he wasn't ready for commitment. I made a lot of the mistakes, letting him turn up at mine, texting him back etc. he constantly played hot and cold. Recently I decided to do no contact. I went on one date and started to learn new things and improve myself. On day 18 he text me saying "party at yours I heard" as I was having friends round and it was on Facebook. I left it an hour then simply replied "heya, yeah got lots to celebrate. :-) have a good night". He didn't reply. That night I found out he was seeing someone. This was then made. "Facebook official" on Tuesday with the girl tagging him in a relationship. Five minutes later he removed it from his profile. It still shows on hers but as in a relationship, it doesn't say who with. I've gone back to starting the 30 days over. Do I still stand a chance with him? I'm 26. He's 23, so is his new gf. She also has a one year old child, which is confusing for me since he said he didn't want commitment and now he is seeing someone with family. I do now understand what the root cause of our break up was, and believe that if we started over fresh we could be even happier than before. He was my best friend and the first relationship I've felt I could be completely myself. Have I completely lost him, I don't understand why he contacted me. He would also have seen I went on a date as somebody made a comment on my Facebook. I'm worried I've lost him for good. Thanks in advance for your reply kevin
Hey Kirsty,
He is probably in a rebound. You haven't lost him. Good thing you decided no contact again. I think you have a decent chance.
Hey Kirsty,
He is probably in a rebound. You haven't lost him. Good thing you decided no contact again. I think you have a decent chance.
Hello everyone.
I've read a lot of people's stories, my heart goes out to everyone going through this. Kevin, my situation is a little tough. We have been married 11 years and we have children together. The biggest problem I have is the no contact plan, because primarily the kids are with me. This is great, but presents a problem with NC. She comes by to see the kids, and usually texts me to see if they are awake or whatever. I can't ignore her when she's asking about kids. There are also times when I work late nights and she will come get the kids overnight. She is staying at her friends (female) house, she cannot afford a place big enough for her and the kids. Please, any help is greatly appreciated.
Hey Adam,
I've written about it in this article.
Hey Adam,
I've written about it in this article.
P.s to add our mutual best friends got engaged yesterday and are having a BBQ next weekend. We will both be there and I haven't seen him in person for 5 weeks (by that point), only the text after 18 days. I'm worried he will bring his new gf and her child, but also how I'm meant to be. Regardless of whether she is there or not, what if He ignores me? I don't really know what I'm meant to do. I don't want to mess up any small chance I may have of getting back together with him IF this is a rebound :-/
I doubt he will ignore you. Just be cordial and don't have any conversations with him for more than 5 minutes. Have fun and treat him like an acquaintance.
I doubt he will ignore you. Just be cordial and don't have any conversations with him for more than 5 minutes. Have fun and treat him like an acquaintance.
Hi Kevin, I posted a comment on here a short while ago (I forget the date) but it hasn't shown up. Will I need to post it up again?
PS update, my ex did text me to a few days after the charity event to congratulate me. I replied to say thanks and congratulated him as well. Now nothing for several days, what shall I do next? Should I just go with the flow (and do nothing).
Thanks.
An update - I messaged him and we have chatted, mainly small talk and general things. He does come across a bit aloof although friendly and polite, but doesn't ask me questions - it's mainly me who is asking. Is this normal for an ex to behave like this? Or is it take things slowly...and go with the flow? Thanks.
It's quite normal. A good rule of thumb is that if he's cold, you should do NC again for a week or two and then get back in touch.
Thanks Kevin. He and I have chatted a bit more via text. Then this morning he said that this Saturday he is moving his stuff out of storage and taking it back home and he said he would like to drop the rest of my stuff off at mine as he moved out of the city (short term, to save money). I offered to help him and explained that because where I live is quite far and out of the way. He refused and was polite about it. I'm afraid that this means he wants me out of his life. A couple of days ago I added a few new male friends...and then this. How should I approach this? I'm a bit uncomfortable (and told him so) of him coming round to mine. I even suggested that I can pick it from him after work (he still commutes to work in the city). Thanks.
Sorry, wasn't clear...added a few new male friends on Facebook.
Hey Chloe,
Like I said before, give him some more time. Let him move to the other city. Do NC for 2-3 weeks and then try again. If he is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Chloe,
Like I said before, give him some more time. Let him move to the other city. Do NC for 2-3 weeks and then try again. If he is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Chloe,
Like I said before, give him some more time. Let him move to the other city. Do NC for 2-3 weeks and then try again. If he is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Chloe,
Like I said before, give him some more time. Let him move to the other city. Do NC for 2-3 weeks and then try again. If he is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Chloe,
Like I said before, give him some more time. Let him move to the other city. Do NC for 2-3 weeks and then try again. If he is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Hey Chloe,
Like I said before, give him some more time. Let him move to the other city. Do NC for 2-3 weeks and then try again. If he is still cold, then you should consider moving on.
Sorry, wasn't clear...added a few new male friends on Facebook.
Sorry, wasn't clear...added a few new male friends on Facebook.
Sorry, wasn't clear...added a few new male friends on Facebook.
Sorry, wasn't clear...added a few new male friends on Facebook.
Thanks Kevin. He and I have chatted a bit more via text. Then this morning he said that this Saturday he is moving his stuff out of storage and taking it back home and he said he would like to drop the rest of my stuff off at mine as he moved out of the city (short term, to save money). I offered to help him and explained that because where I live is quite far and out of the way. He refused and was polite about it. I'm afraid that this means he wants me out of his life. A couple of days ago I added a few new male friends...and then this. How should I approach this? I'm a bit uncomfortable (and told him so) of him coming round to mine. I even suggested that I can pick it from him after work (he still commutes to work in the city). Thanks.
Thanks Kevin. He and I have chatted a bit more via text. Then this morning he said that this Saturday he is moving his stuff out of storage and taking it back home and he said he would like to drop the rest of my stuff off at mine as he moved out of the city (short term, to save money). I offered to help him and explained that because where I live is quite far and out of the way. He refused and was polite about it. I'm afraid that this means he wants me out of his life. A couple of days ago I added a few new male friends...and then this. How should I approach this? I'm a bit uncomfortable (and told him so) of him coming round to mine. I even suggested that I can pick it from him after work (he still commutes to work in the city). Thanks.
Thanks Kevin. He and I have chatted a bit more via text. Then this morning he said that this Saturday he is moving his stuff out of storage and taking it back home and he said he would like to drop the rest of my stuff off at mine as he moved out of the city (short term, to save money). I offered to help him and explained that because where I live is quite far and out of the way. He refused and was polite about it. I'm afraid that this means he wants me out of his life. A couple of days ago I added a few new male friends...and then this. How should I approach this? I'm a bit uncomfortable (and told him so) of him coming round to mine. I even suggested that I can pick it from him after work (he still commutes to work in the city). Thanks.
It's quite normal. A good rule of thumb is that if he's cold, you should do NC again for a week or two and then get back in touch.
It's quite normal. A good rule of thumb is that if he's cold, you should do NC again for a week or two and then get back in touch.
An update - I messaged him and we have chatted, mainly small talk and general things. He does come across a bit aloof although friendly and polite, but doesn't ask me questions - it's mainly me who is asking. Is this normal for an ex to behave like this? Or is it take things slowly...and go with the flow? Thanks.
She broke up with his ex which is very good thing to me. I did the steps, I did 'no-contact' for 30 days. After that, i showed up. The bad things is, she had too much pain after broke up. She had so much problems that she lost her bestfriends because of her two face ex boyfriend. Should i give her space and leave her alone or should i be there and lend my 'ear'?
Be there for her. But don't show any signs of neediness. And let it be her idea to get back together.
Be there for her. But don't show any signs of neediness. And let it be her idea to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
My ex girlfriend and I are both 25 years old, and we dated for over a year. We broke up one month ago. Before things started to get rocky, we were very close, researched places to live together in September, and talked on numerous occasions about marriage and a future together. After dating many girls over the years I finally thought I found the girl I would settle down with. And as far as I know, my girlfriend felt the same way.
I know the real reasons why my ex broke up with me. I had a few situations with alcohol that negatively affected her over the last 6 months or so, and my time management had put a burden on our relationship at times too. Also, the stress of my job has gotten in the way at times too, but I will talk about that further on. In no way is my girlfriend perfect either, but I know that these things definitely led to her decision to break up. I think her growing up with parents that fought a lot and still do, as well as her rocky relationship with her mother, have impacted her communication skills and perception of fights. Issues I had with alcohol a few times and a few mean remarks I said really upset her. I since have seen a counselor about alcohol and my time management and had tried my best to prove to my ex that I have changed. And deep down I know I have. Unfortunately, a month ago, our relationship took a nosedive. My ex was having issues with her current roommates, so she unofficially moved in with me at my apartment. At the same time, I started a new position as a pharmacy manager and spent the first couple weeks working nonstop. I told my ex that this would be a stressful time and I wouldn’t be home as much for a couple weeks. But it would get better, and it has gotten much better. So she was kind of an emotional wreck when she moved in because of her roommate issues, and I wasn’t home much during this time. We started fighting more about meaningless things, and everything escalated to her moving out only 2 weeks after moving in. We had unofficially lived together before for a couple weeks and everything was great back then (8 months ago). So, I don’t see that being the problem. I think it was terrible timing with my new job and her roommate problems. But my ex sees it as if we can’t live together in those conditions, then it won’t work when we are married and have kids. I get her logic but still think we can work everything out. Especially now that I am working less and my job isn’t so stressful.
In the last month, I have used no contact twice. A few days after breaking up, I stopped contact, and a couple weeks later, my ex and I caved and saw each other. We even spent a weekend together, but there was little to no intimacy. It was like us starting dating again, taking it slow. She admitted that she missed me a lot and loved me. But then she hit me with this: “I am so happy you are still in my life. I am glad to be friends still.” This of course angered me, and I deleted her on facebook and told her we both needed space. So another 2 weeks have gone by, and she and I have started talking a little again. At first I ignored her calls and a few texts. One of how she was upset I deleted her on facebook. We talked a little today about meeting up again, but her response is pending. I know I probably should do more no contact even though it has been a month since the breakup, but I also feel that my ex wants me to prove to her that I’ve changed. I’ve been working out almost daily, and have built up my confidence so much in the last month. How do you think I should proceed from here? Sorry I wrote so much.
Thanks so much,
Trevor
You can finish no contact and stay in touch with her. Take things slowly and don't make any moves out of anger. In my opinion, anger is a sign of neediness and emotional immaturity after a breakup.
You can finish no contact and stay in touch with her. Take things slowly and don't make any moves out of anger. In my opinion, anger is a sign of neediness and emotional immaturity after a breakup.
Hey Kevin,
It's me again and thank you very much for your answers. I graduate this week from my school and my ex-girlfriend didn't congratulate me so I was thinking is she mad because I didn't answer her last text message or maybe she is moving on. Her mother send me today text message where she said something like ''congratulations and all the best for future'' best regards she and her son (ex's brother). I know that they have talked together with ex-girlfriend that I graduate but it's strange that she didn't say anything.
I forgot to say earlier that the last time we spoke long on the phone (like two weeks ago) I told her that she is so beautiful and other praises and she didn't say anything good about me and something she said like she have seen that I have changed but she haven't changed and doesn't want me back. I have feeling in my gut that she likes more about that new dude than me and I should move on and forgot her. She is so nice and beautiful person and it's very hard to forgot everything. I have make some mistakes and I know that she deserves better treatment. It hurts so much to think that she is with that guy and it's hard for me that I will see that guy this summer because we are working in the same hospital. I hate to be jealous and feel like this. It hurts so much also that the guy didn't respect me and ask is it okay that they see each other because we were some kind of friends.
Hey Kevin/Everyone!
My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. Its been really hard, we have been living together for about a year and a half now and I moved in back with my parents but he is still staying at our apartment until he finds something for himself. For a little while I noticed he was feeling depressed, mostly because of him not being able to find a job and because of school and his own unhappiness with himself. However I was also doubting if it was just that or if maybe he was also unhappy with me. The day before the break up we had an awesome day out going to the movies and just having fun but the next day when I woke up and used his laptop I saw that he had researched how to break up with your girlfriend. I brought it up to him and he said he felt like he needed sometime apart because he needs to work on himself and learn to be happy on his own and for quite some time now he had been relying on me to make him happy, and although he loves me he needs to learn to do that on his own. It was hard to hear and after a few days I began to understand that maybe he was right and I also had a lot of things to work on myself. I went over to pick up the rest of my things a few days after the break up and I saw that his laptop was there and (i know super bad but I couldn't help myself) I looked through his search history and I found out he had made a dating profile and had even messaged a few girls. It was so hurtful because the past few days we had still been talking and he said he didn't want to forget me and he still loved me. I confronted him about it ( :/ ) and he said that he had been lonely and talking to yourself gets old easy. I also told him that I saw that he had researched "dating tips/ and how to get a girl to sleep with you on the first date" he said that its one thing to think those things and another to actually do them and yes he had been feeling lonely. It hurt a lot but I don't know what to think or what to do. A part of me doesn't know if its worth to have any hope. It kills me to think he could be or find someone else. He still says he cares about me but that he still needs space and time to find himself.....
Hi Kevin. My ex and I had been seeing each other for about a year and a half. I joined her church, offered her an engagement ring, and we made plans to marry. I was to sell my house, bring my cat, and move in with her. As the date got closer I became more and more nervous about giving up my home. What if she wanted to kick me out in six months? I’d have no legal rights at all since it would not be a legal marriage. I spoke to her about postponing the wedding, and at first I thought she might agree to that. But she went and talked to a psychological counselor without me, and pretty soon she said the relationship was over and that she was moving on. She “unfriended” me and my family, and stopped answering emails.
Well I have been on some dates, thinking I’d move on myself. I’ve met nice ladies who are interested in me. But the thing is I’m still in love with my ex-fiancé. I think about her all the time. I sent her an E-card for Easter and she responded with one of her own, but so far has only answered one email. I called her once and she said she'd like to start doing things together "as friends to start", but then went no contact on me again.
I still would get back with her if given the opportunity. Is there a chance?
Yes, there's a chance Gary. Follow the steps in the 5 step plan.
Yes, there's a chance Gary. Follow the steps in the 5 step plan.
Kevin,
Im feeling good about myself now. And its only been 3 weeks but i plan to still continue my NC for another 3 weeks just to gain more power and make her forget my neediness, insecurity, and bad memories about me.
Is there a way for me to know when is the right time to text her? Is there a chance that i missed it? If you remember i acted crazy for the first 1 and a half month after out breakup before i went NC on may 7. and on june 16 will mark 3mos of our breakup and by that time im 1 day short of my scheduled 6weeks of NC because im supposed to contact her on june17. Im itching to contact her right now but i understand well that rushing things may blow up everything i have worked for. You think i should make it 4 weeks instead of 6? Im not sure if our relationship was meaningful for her but i was her first boyfriend. And we lasted for 3yrs and 11 months. 1 month shy of 4yrs.
Also 6days into my NC.( this was around may10 or so) My ex updated her facebook status. It goes like "giving up is different from having enough". I think it was directed to me because she very rarely updates facebook and she knows im more active there than any other social media. Maybe she thinks that i gave up on her? Trying to reach out? I dont know for sure because before i went NC she was rejecting me and we didnt really text all day. I text her very minimal like goodmorning messages but its not always that she replies. She is more active on twitter so i think she wants me to see it. After that she blocked me on twitter. Correct me if im wrong but if she was angry because i gave up on her because i went NC i think she is affected by me still and that she wont move on that easily if i am still on her mind. Right? So i decided to continue my NC since im doing this for myself. I also understand her action of blocking me on social media as her way of getting over me or trying to move on. Its not a bad thing right? Thats her way of healing. She hasnt contacted me since, even when i sent her the magic letter i didnt get a response but i expected that coz she is a stubborn and strong woman and also because she really wanted space and i became a creep and showed weakness after the breakup. Last may 19 was her birthday. I texted her a simple "happy birthday" and she replied "thank you" and you know whats surprising? I met her sister on may 21 and she told me that my ex hasnt answered her greeting text message until the evening of may 20. While i on the other hand, i got a reply right when she woke up. Is this a good sign? Or im just keeping my hopes up? I just hope she responds to me when i contact her.
Also i would like to know, should i admit to her that i still have feelings for her when we meet again even in a cool way? Or would i look needy? i'll just admit but i wont force to get back together.
And one more thing. Is it still possible to get back with her after a few years? Coz i really want this girl and im willing to wait for her. Thanks kevin and i apologize for so many questions i hope you can answer them all. I really appreciate it.
It wasn't necessarily a good sign that she replied to your text. But yes, it probably means she will reply to you when you contact her. It's OK to admit you have feelings for her, but be subtle. Don't say it directly. And only do it if she brings up the topic. It is possible to get back after a few years, but you shouldn't wait that long. Simply because there's no guarantee. If things don't work out, you would've wasted a couple years of your life in vain. It's just not a logical decision.
It wasn't necessarily a good sign that she replied to your text. But yes, it probably means she will reply to you when you contact her. It's OK to admit you have feelings for her, but be subtle. Don't say it directly. And only do it if she brings up the topic. It is possible to get back after a few years, but you shouldn't wait that long. Simply because there's no guarantee. If things don't work out, you would've wasted a couple years of your life in vain. It's just not a logical decision.
Hey Kevin,
I thought and thought hard about this. Well, instead of waiting all the way until August I'm just going to contact my ex next month and see what happens. I have already exhausted myself thinking about him, I checked with the police and I spoke to a lot of people.
Besides, even if I waited until August and the outcome were the same... then what? I would have wasted all that time trying to get him back.
So. Next month. On the three month anniversary of our breakup. I will be very clear with him. Last chance. I've already written a letter. No use waiting and waiting and waiting. And even if he rejects me, time to wait until next year so we could be friends.
Thank you for all the help I ever needed. You are very informative!
I wish you best Esther.
I wish you best Esther.
I wish you best Esther.
Thank you for all the help I ever needed. You are very informative!
Hi Kevin,
I was dating this lovely woman for a year and half, all around great honeymoon to foundation stages of a relationship. Met her friends and family. We also took a break to focus on some personal issues (work, life, etc). We still saw each other regardless during this break. We recently we broke up. A surprise to me as I told her my intensions are to be with her, not entertaining prospects during the break. We both were working things out to be 100% for the relationship. The break came as a surprise as I said. She started seeing someone right after. A few real talks between us to help clear some things on the interim. Weird side note, other guy knows about me and our situation. She ended up choosing the other dude to see where it would go. Not even trying to reconcile the year we built and move forward constructively working things out. I still see all social media posts etc (unless blocked from future posts, idk?) and she still engages on my instagram with no communication outside of those "likes". I know she's seeing someone but her usual MO is to show her enthusiasm with the person she's with all over social media. This time it's silence. Few posts here and there nothing related to her new relationship. Is this a rebound? Is there hope? Any thoughts?
It's probably a rebound. There's hope. Read the 5 step plan.
Thank you Kevin. She recently reached out on email just thanking and asking if I was doing well.
I still haven't replied since it's been only 15 days into the no contact. I feel I want to reply as positive as I can on how I'm doing. What do you think? And thank you for answering my post. This site has placed a lot of perspective into my situation. Thank you.
In my opinion, you shouldn't reply yet. But if you choose to reply, make sure you mention in the end that you both need some time and space right now.
Hi Kevin,
I replied as mentioned and now a text comes out of the blue from NC about working on a project together. I'm a bit confused as what she is doing. I've been on a roll turing myself around 180, making positive strides then this comes up. I felt I regressed back to those same feelings. I declined the opportunity and again mentioned space. She's confusing me at this point. She wanted no contact but yet inclined to contact me regarding a collaborative project. I'd love to help and see her and show I've changed, maybe this is a good opp to rekindle something as I have completely changed physically and mentally.
Your thoughts?
If you feel confident enough, then yes. If you think you need more time, tell her so.
If you feel confident enough, then yes. If you think you need more time, tell her so.
If you feel confident enough, then yes. If you think you need more time, tell her so.
If you feel confident enough, then yes. If you think you need more time, tell her so.
If you feel confident enough, then yes. If you think you need more time, tell her so.
If you feel confident enough, then yes. If you think you need more time, tell her so.
Hi Kevin,
I replied as mentioned and now a text comes out of the blue from NC about working on a project together. I'm a bit confused as what she is doing. I've been on a roll turing myself around 180, making positive strides then this comes up. I felt I regressed back to those same feelings. I declined the opportunity and again mentioned space. She's confusing me at this point. She wanted no contact but yet inclined to contact me regarding a collaborative project. I'd love to help and see her and show I've changed, maybe this is a good opp to rekindle something as I have completely changed physically and mentally.
Your thoughts?
Hi Kevin,
I replied as mentioned and now a text comes out of the blue from NC about working on a project together. I'm a bit confused as what she is doing. I've been on a roll turing myself around 180, making positive strides then this comes up. I felt I regressed back to those same feelings. I declined the opportunity and again mentioned space. She's confusing me at this point. She wanted no contact but yet inclined to contact me regarding a collaborative project. I'd love to help and see her and show I've changed, maybe this is a good opp to rekindle something as I have completely changed physically and mentally.
Your thoughts?
Hi Kevin,
I replied as mentioned and now a text comes out of the blue from NC about working on a project together. I'm a bit confused as what she is doing. I've been on a roll turing myself around 180, making positive strides then this comes up. I felt I regressed back to those same feelings. I declined the opportunity and again mentioned space. She's confusing me at this point. She wanted no contact but yet inclined to contact me regarding a collaborative project. I'd love to help and see her and show I've changed, maybe this is a good opp to rekindle something as I have completely changed physically and mentally.
Your thoughts?
Hi Kevin,
I replied as mentioned and now a text comes out of the blue from NC about working on a project together. I'm a bit confused as what she is doing. I've been on a roll turing myself around 180, making positive strides then this comes up. I felt I regressed back to those same feelings. I declined the opportunity and again mentioned space. She's confusing me at this point. She wanted no contact but yet inclined to contact me regarding a collaborative project. I'd love to help and see her and show I've changed, maybe this is a good opp to rekindle something as I have completely changed physically and mentally.
Your thoughts?
In my opinion, you shouldn't reply yet. But if you choose to reply, make sure you mention in the end that you both need some time and space right now.
In my opinion, you shouldn't reply yet. But if you choose to reply, make sure you mention in the end that you both need some time and space right now.
In my opinion, you shouldn't reply yet. But if you choose to reply, make sure you mention in the end that you both need some time and space right now.
Thank you Kevin. She recently reached out on email just thanking and asking if I was doing well.
I still haven't replied since it's been only 15 days into the no contact. I feel I want to reply as positive as I can on how I'm doing. What do you think? And thank you for answering my post. This site has placed a lot of perspective into my situation. Thank you.
Thank you Kevin. She recently reached out on email just thanking and asking if I was doing well.
I still haven't replied since it's been only 15 days into the no contact. I feel I want to reply as positive as I can on how I'm doing. What do you think? And thank you for answering my post. This site has placed a lot of perspective into my situation. Thank you.
It's probably a rebound. There's hope. Read the 5 step plan.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for this article. I would also like to get your opinion on my situation, any help is greatly appreciated.
To make things short... my now ex, was the one who originally wanted a relationship. She was 18, I was 22 and we had a great connection and everything. It started last year after she broke up with her boyfriend. I did not want it in the beginning but she really coerced me into it -- I didn't complain as I did have some feelings for her. She was my best friend of 3 years.
After being together for about 6 months, she started getting very negative towards me. We were arguing all the time about nothing (she was starting them), and it was a clear decline into breaking up. A few weeks ago, she did.
She gave me all sorts of excuses like having to find herself, we've both changed, etc etc. I do admit that I lost my sense of self being with her. I got lazier, and less dominant and less cool. I admit I wasn't the same awesome person I was before. I got very angry at her and said all sorts of things to try and convince her that this was a bad decision and to try to fix it. This all pushed her away even further and now she just seems indifferent to me. She hardly asks what I'm doing or how I am when we used to contact eachother every day.
Since the break up, I have managed to get my confidence back, but I still have feelings for her. I am trying to just replace her and get a rebound as soon as possible before I see her again. However, is there any chance of being able to repair this relationship? We were friends before the relationship and I can still talk to her, even though I try to avoid it as much as possible. It is too painful to know how little she cares about me now.
Hey Jackson,
There's a good chance that you were her rebound. So your chances of getting back together are pretty slim. I am sorry to tell you this, but I think you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Jackson,
There's a good chance that you were her rebound. So your chances of getting back together are pretty slim. I am sorry to tell you this, but I think you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Kevin,
First I would like to say thank you for putting together all this information. I am glad I found it. I have read your main article about the 5 step plan. I clicked on the hyperlink to this page.
I dated my ex for roughly 1.5 years during high school then a bit past grad. I mainly had the problem with her and it was so much fighting that we eventually had a mutual break up. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was a little more organized with my future and I had a lot of schooling to do, and pay for. I did deal with her in a very rude way and I also did other negatives in the relationship.
Anyways, here I am about 2 years later and I have met many girls, went on dates, and finished my schooling. She's also dated someone for a bit and they broke up about a month ago. Me and my ex talk lightly. [I'm going to start the 30 days from scratch anyways ;)] I started missing her before I even knew they were broken up. A lot of things seem true about me wanting to get back together with her for love, missing her, and honestly thinking she was the best. But its also been 2 years and I have realized so much about what I did wrong, and what I truly had. The motif is obviously to get back together with her but I know patience is massive in my situation.We have both grown so much, she's in school now doing extremely well on her own. I have mature more and realized a lot of stuff, through suffering and beating on myself for the mistakes I made. But hey we are only human and learn one way or another. She is pretty busy so texting does not always work with her. I was thinking simply asking her to workout soon, its low key and something we both like.
Ill leave it at that for now! Just wondering on your 2 cents on my situation. Do I truly have a good enough reason? Any tips on angles to approach this. Any thing you can give me I would be super thankful for.
Thanks again!
Bryan
I think you do have a good enough reason. You already have the right attitude on how to approach this. Take things slowly, and have patience. Things are probably going to work out for you. All the best.
I think you do have a good enough reason. You already have the right attitude on how to approach this. Take things slowly, and have patience. Things are probably going to work out for you. All the best.
Hye kevin,
I did the 'no-contact'. I became a better person than i was. Should i say sorry and apologize to her when she is mad? In our conversations, I included friend, which is girls, i spent my time on them, i dated one of them. Unforunately, it makes her jealous. Should i say sorry or just simply ignore her?
Don't apologize if you haven't done anything wrong. There's no need. Just ignore her irrational behavior.
Don't apologize if you haven't done anything wrong. There's no need. Just ignore her irrational behavior.
hi
i have send you two times my story no respond from you yet please i really need your advise.
I replied here.
I replied here.
Hey kevin,
Its been 3months since my ex and i broke up, and now shes seeing another guy. Honestly i felt really messed up when i found out. shes in virginia now and the new guy is in jamaica which i find weird for a new relationship to work she is coming back in august tho, could this be a rebound? honestly i was kinda annoying at first cause i couldnt control my emotions . I think she still cares only because i was tlking to her and asked her to bring a pair of ear rings for me. instantly she got upset cause she thought it was for another girl. then i told her it was for me then she said she knows my ears arent pierced and she doesnt want me to pierce them cause she doesnt want me to look like a thug. Which i found confusing cause i couldnt understand why she would care. I was trying to get her to get back after that but she was saying she cant and she doesnt want to mainly tht she doesnt believe me. see the thing is aftr the break up i bought her roses it didnt work she just wanted space so i jus didnt see her but we still communicated via text. but i went out with my friends (mainly) had fun she found out and the other day she told me tht pushed her away, this was the same convo as the ear ring. she said me telling her the same thing over was making her annoyed and she wanted me to leave her alone , but i can tell she still loves me based on her reactions to these things. soo its been a week now since ive contacted her meaning i been applying the no contact. should i keep doing this then message her aftr 30days??
Yes. It is probably a rebound. And you should do NC for 30 days and message her after that.
oh and btw i saw a stat she posted yesterday that said " whats love but a second hand emotion? " from tht tina turner song whats love got to do with it .what should i take from that?
Nothing. Don't obsess over her posts. It doesn't help you in any way.
Nothing. Don't obsess over her posts. It doesn't help you in any way.
Nothing. Don't obsess over her posts. It doesn't help you in any way.
Yes. It is probably a rebound. And you should do NC for 30 days and message her after that.
oh and btw i saw a stat she posted yesterday that said " whats love but a second hand emotion? " from tht tina turner song whats love got to do with it .what should i take from that?
Hello,
Recently my girlfriend and I broke up. We were dating for about 4 years. Her reasoning for not wanting to be in the relationship anymore is that she didn't have time and she felt that she was missing out on life from being in a serious relationship. We have been split up for about 3 months. I wished her a happy birthday the other day, and the conversation was small. It didn't have much to it. I have been trying to maintain NC. I have a feeling she is and has been seeing someone else even toward the end of our relationship. I am pretty heartbroken, and feel that I should move on with my life.
Deep down I would love to reconnect with her again, but I know I do not deserve this kind of behavior. If anyone has suggestions as to what I should do, please let me know. Thanks for your help.
Hey Justin,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hey Justin,
You should follow the 5 step plan.
Hello,
I want to ask you a question. It has been three weeks NC, but I heard from a mutual friend that he is dating another girl. I was angry and upset. Now I'm confused; I miss him but I don't feel that I love him like before !! Also I feel that I like some other guys !! Is that ok ?! Is it a period and it'll end ?! because I'm not comfortable with my new me :(
Hey Raf,
You should accept your new you. There's a part of you that wants to hold on to him and is stopping you from moving and starting a new life. And there's another part of you that is starting to realize that you are better off without him in your life. I'll recommend you extend no contact for another 2 months. You will have more time to figure out what you want.
Hey Raf,
You should accept your new you. There's a part of you that wants to hold on to him and is stopping you from moving and starting a new life. And there's another part of you that is starting to realize that you are better off without him in your life. I'll recommend you extend no contact for another 2 months. You will have more time to figure out what you want.
What do I do if she doesn't respond to the magic letter? Like if she doesn't call or text or anything... After a few days, should I move on to the text messages? Thanks in advance.
Yes. After a week or two.
I'm facing the same issue ATM.
I've heard you should try to contact her again a week later. Then two more times. If she doesn't respond still, give up.
Yes. After a week or two.
I'm facing the same issue ATM.
I've heard you should try to contact her again a week later. Then two more times. If she doesn't respond still, give up.
Hi kevin, I have gone through few steps as u said, but I messed up where we get another dating... He started to talk about the girl he use to work with, so I got angry and blasted at home... Finally after two days later we thought become normal friends again, and yes we are still in touch but not that much... I wanna take my lover back not as a friend.. Anyway I found that now he is not interest about the girl that he use to work with .. Please help me to get him back...
If you are still in talking terms with him, continue doing so. Go out with him again. If he talks about his other love interest, tell him calmly that you don't think he should be discussing it with you.
If you are still in talking terms with him, continue doing so. Go out with him again. If he talks about his other love interest, tell him calmly that you don't think he should be discussing it with you.
Hey Kevin,
How can I go through the no contact rule when I work with my ex? How can I make it not awkward?
You should treat him like you would treat any other coworker. Only talk to him if it's absolutely necessary. It'll be hard, but it can be done.
You should treat him like you would treat any other coworker. Only talk to him if it's absolutely necessary. It'll be hard, but it can be done.
Hey, Kevin. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year. I am 29 and she is 27. We had a great relationship. Sure, we had our arguments from time to time, but our love for each other was strong. Sex life was great, we did most everything together, and we were always laughing. She never complained, questioned me, or got jealous. She is the greatest girlfriend I have ever had. On top of that, she is confident and smokin’ hot.
Here is where the problem started. 7 days ago I went to a wedding reception that she was not able to make. While I was there she texted me and asked if I wanted to sleep over at her house when the reception was over. I told her I would come over after the reception. Well, the reception had an open bar and I got a little drunk. When it ended the groom asked me to go out to the bar with them to celebrate. I agreed to go and have 1 beer so I called her and told her my plans. However, I was drunk on the phone with her and went on a rant about how important the groom was to me and that I wanted to go celebrate with him (the groom is not that important to me, I was drunk) Long story short, 1 beer turned into staying at the bar until closing time (2 am). I got a cab home by myself.
The next morning I texted her to see if she wanted to go out in my boat, totally forgetting the order of events from the night before. Her response was that she needed to take a couple of days away from me. I got mad and responded, “I finally have a day off to be with you and you want to take a couple of days off. Whatever, I’m going to have a good time regardless”. I didn’t mean it. I was just mad. Her response was that she is not in love with me anymore then she broke up with me.
I apologized for everything and expressed my love to her in an email and got no response. It tore me up until I found your website. Honestly, your articles are what have kept me sane throughout this. Anyways, I started no contact. We hadn’t talked in 4 days then she texted me, “Hey. How are you doing?” I did not reply. She said, “It figures you wouldn’t answer”. I didn’t reply.
The next day she called me and I did not answer. That same day, I was at a friends house. When I got home all of her stuff was gone and the key was on the counter. We are currently at 5 days no contact. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I want to make the right moves so when we do work things out we have the best relationship possible. I want to marry this girl one day. Should I contact her? If she contacts me again, what should I do? How do I work things out with her?
Thanks,
Justin
You should contact her after 30 days. If she contacts you, you can tell her you need some space and time for now.
You should contact her after 30 days. If she contacts you, you can tell her you need some space and time for now.
Hi Kevin,
Please check below, I responded to your response to my post, just in case you miss it.
Thanks,
The first post was on May 29
The first post was on May 29
Hy Kevin,
My bf of 4 years and I have a long distance relationship (Dallas - San Diego). Although we were very close and even talked marriage at one point I had a hard time dealing with the distance between us for the past two years and this negatively affected our relationship. A couple of months ago I asked for more commitment and gave him an ultimatum. He got scared and we had a big fight. His main argument was that he doubted my feelings but afterwards he asked me to be patient with him. In my timeline 4 years are a long enough. We didn't break up but a month has passed since we have no contact. I try to keep calm and be positive but it is getting harder each day. What should I do? Should I contact him or wait? I wish you could help me.
You should contact him. However, you should be clear on what you want. If he is not willing to provide you the commitment you need, you should be willing to walk away.
Hi Kevin,
I think I did it all wrong. I wrote him a message before writing him the letter. His answer was calm and polite but from your book I understand that this is bad.... "You are a good person and you have a big heart [...], but I feel I made you suffer a lot and that made me suffer. I wanted to contact you during this period [...] but I have to admit I am much more at peace without having contact with you." This is bad, isn't it? Does this mean that he is happy? My soul is breaking. In the NC I realized that I really want him even if we don't get married. Is there something that I can do now? I wrote him the letter now. But isn't it too late. Will it work? We still have to meet at least once when he comes to pick up his things. But we haven't discussed that yet. Please help!
Hey Sarah,
It's not really bad. I can't say the letter will work but I hope it does. Only time will tell. Besides, I think you should do NC for a few months. I think you might be putting himself above your needs (to get married) and this way, even if you get him back, you won't be happy.
Hey Sarah,
It's not really bad. I can't say the letter will work but I hope it does. Only time will tell. Besides, I think you should do NC for a few months. I think you might be putting himself above your needs (to get married) and this way, even if you get him back, you won't be happy.
Hey Sarah,
It's not really bad. I can't say the letter will work but I hope it does. Only time will tell. Besides, I think you should do NC for a few months. I think you might be putting himself above your needs (to get married) and this way, even if you get him back, you won't be happy.
Hey Sarah,
It's not really bad. I can't say the letter will work but I hope it does. Only time will tell. Besides, I think you should do NC for a few months. I think you might be putting himself above your needs (to get married) and this way, even if you get him back, you won't be happy.
Thank you Kevin. I sent him a message - even before you answered me. It just felt right. He didn't answer. Something tells me he is angry with me about the NC. I love him very much and want us to be together.
Hi Kevin,
I think I did it all wrong. I wrote him a message before writing him the letter. His answer was calm and polite but from your book I understand that this is bad.... "You are a good person and you have a big heart [...], but I feel I made you suffer a lot and that made me suffer. I wanted to contact you during this period [...] but I have to admit I am much more at peace without having contact with you." This is bad, isn't it? Does this mean that he is happy? My soul is breaking. In the NC I realized that I really want him even if we don't get married. Is there something that I can do now? I wrote him the letter now. But isn't it too late. Will it work? We still have to meet at least once when he comes to pick up his things. But we haven't discussed that yet. Please help!
Thank you Kevin. I sent him a message - even before you answered me. It just felt right. He didn't answer. Something tells me he is angry with me about the NC. I love him very much and want us to be together.
Hi Kevin,
I think I did it all wrong. I wrote him a message before writing him the letter. His answer was calm and polite but from your book I understand that this is bad.... "You are a good person and you have a big heart [...], but I feel I made you suffer a lot and that made me suffer. I wanted to contact you during this period [...] but I have to admit I am much more at peace without having contact with you." This is bad, isn't it? Does this mean that he is happy? My soul is breaking. In the NC I realized that I really want him even if we don't get married. Is there something that I can do now? I wrote him the letter now. But isn't it too late. Will it work? We still have to meet at least once when he comes to pick up his things. But we haven't discussed that yet. Please help!
Thank you Kevin. I sent him a message - even before you answered me. It just felt right. He didn't answer. Something tells me he is angry with me about the NC. I love him very much and want us to be together.
You should contact him. However, you should be clear on what you want. If he is not willing to provide you the commitment you need, you should be willing to walk away.
Hi Kevin my bf of two year broke up with me he said not to look for him and not to contact him to leave him alone he said he doesn't love me however he still has the same number and I emailed him and he emails me back...he hasn't got rid of my belongings at his house before we broke up we had intercourse and everything was fine I don't know maybe he cheated...what should I do kevin
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I could really use advice right now. I'm currently following the 5 step plan and right now, we're not speaking to each other because we both need our space. I agree and time away from him has really helped me but I'm concerned that if I go 30 days with no contact, he'll foget me.
He won't. Read the step 2 of this article.
He won't. Read the step 2 of this article.
Should I keep trying or give up on ex? Me and my ex have been together for 9 months. I never cheated on her, always been faithful, paid for everything almost, had great sex, slept together, went to church together, and just had a good trust bond. But after a while she would bring up arguments, and we would argue. Most of the time I knew I was right, but she would see it as she's right. And said we couldn't solve our problems. Well towards the break up I told her I want to move on from the problems and focus on us. Well she looked at it as F*** her feelings. I never meant it that way I just wanted to make it better so she broke up with me. Since then I've been feeling stressed and I've been in pain to where I can barely stay active as I use to. I don't do much with myself because I did most of it with her.. lately ive been trying to convince her that I'm sorry for making it seem that way and bought her a gift because she said ive caused damage to her through not solving problems. Then she said thats something a friend wouldnt do so she told me she doesn't want to be friends, and there is no chance at all. She also blocked me on her instagram. We've been broken up for about 2 months. I still have strong feelings for her and cant get over her. Im trying the no contact which is ignoringher for a month to see if she really mean that. Well my main question is should I give up or keep trusting God that things will work out cuz i still feel like it's possible and is there still hope although she says there isn't?
Only you can answer that question. And you will figure out what you should do during no contact.
Only you can answer that question. And you will figure out what you should do during no contact.
Kevin,
My Ex Girlfriend broke things off with me just over 2 months ago. After the break up she stayed in contact for about 3 weeks with me. During that time she told me she still loves me and we just don't see each other enough. After that she broke all contact. After breaking all contact she reached out for some gifts furniture I personally made her myself from scratch by having her friend contact me to arrange a time to make an exchange in the future. She still hasn't picked anything up. She broke things off cause I was neglecting her by putting others first before her and not spending a lot of time with her the last portion of the relationship. 4 months before breaking it off she moved 4 hours away for her career which I fully supported and helped with the move and I stayed behind due to I own a house. During that time I started looking into moving to her but never told her. I also never took the time to go visit her from getting caught up in helping others. I took time to myself and put plans in play to better myself. after 3 weeks of her stopping contact I wrote hand written letter and mailed it to her. The letter stated all the mistakes I realized I made and the plans I have done to change them and that I am willing to move for us. Some small moments we had together. After she got it she contacted my friend lashing out in anger and had him tell me everything she said. I feel that the love is there from some actions she made. I never tried to beg for her back and didn't called and text-ed her a ton of times after she stopped talking to me. There are some mutual friends involved and I don't know what they told her from conversations I had with them. I stopped talking to them about her all together now but the damage may have been done if they did somethings to her. a week after the letter I decided to call. No answer and left my voice mail. Waited 2 days and left a text. Said "I know work has been busy for you and hope you had time to relax". If you have some free time can you call me. Then wanted 3 days and called her and left a voice mail saying "If you have a chance can you call me back. Hope you enjoy your day". My number wasn't blocked and she didn't block me on Facebook.
My question is did I do to much damage on trying to contact her so far that giving time of no contact won't fix?
No you didn't.
Kevin,
People are telling me that if she cared she would have responded in some sort of way by now but I know she can be a stubborn person at times. Communication was one of the things that were lacking in our relationship toward the end on both parts. Far as I know there isn't another guy and from mutual friends they say she she wants nothing to do with me. If she wanted nothing to do with me why wouldn't she have just contacted me personally after the letter I sent instead of contacting a mutual friend of ours? When she broke all communication she broke all ties between us as well. I can't really trust everything the mutual friend says anymore since there has been some false things that were said already. Its been a month and still have her gifts she wanted & things that her friend said she was going to get at some time but never got back up with me yet. Should I contact the friend and ask if she still planning on making an exchange? I feel I shouldn't give up on my Ex yet since its only been a little over 2 months after the break up. I believe if she sees/gives me the chance to show her I have become a better person things could be worked out. What are your thought?
Hey Tony,
I think if you don't want to give up yet, don't give up. However, set a time limit for yourself (4-5 months). If by that time she is still cold, then you should move on.
Hey Kevin,
I have been no contact for over a month now. During the time I still been doing me and making sure I don't go back to my old way of being a workaholic. I decided to send a casual card to her. I am just not sure what to write in it. I thought of something like "I hope things are going well for you out there." but I am not sure on what else I should say. What are your thoughts?
Yeah I feel it is to earlier to give up on her due to all the things I heard comes from people I learned I can't fully trust and it only been a little over 2 months after the break-up. She is a mature strong woman so I don't know why she wouldn't just contact me to tell me stuff instead of going thru other people.
Hey Kevin,
I have been no contact for over a month now. During the time I still been doing me and making sure I don't go back to my old way of being a workaholic. I decided to send a casual card to her. I am just not sure what to write in it. I thought of something like "I hope things are going well for you out there." but I am not sure on what else I should say. What are your thoughts?
Yeah I feel it is to earlier to give up on her due to all the things I heard comes from people I learned I can't fully trust and it only been a little over 2 months after the break-up. She is a mature strong woman so I don't know why she wouldn't just contact me to tell me stuff instead of going thru other people.
Hey Kevin,
I have been no contact for over a month now. During the time I still been doing me and making sure I don't go back to my old way of being a workaholic. I decided to send a casual card to her. I am just not sure what to write in it. I thought of something like "I hope things are going well for you out there." but I am not sure on what else I should say. What are your thoughts?
Yeah I feel it is to earlier to give up on her due to all the things I heard comes from people I learned I can't fully trust and it only been a little over 2 months after the break-up. She is a mature strong woman so I don't know why she wouldn't just contact me to tell me stuff instead of going thru other people.
Hey Kevin,
I have been no contact for over a month now. During the time I still been doing me and making sure I don't go back to my old way of being a workaholic. I decided to send a casual card to her. I am just not sure what to write in it. I thought of something like "I hope things are going well for you out there." but I am not sure on what else I should say. What are your thoughts?
Yeah I feel it is to earlier to give up on her due to all the things I heard comes from people I learned I can't fully trust and it only been a little over 2 months after the break-up. She is a mature strong woman so I don't know why she wouldn't just contact me to tell me stuff instead of going thru other people.
Hey Kevin,
I have been no contact for over a month now. During the time I still been doing me and making sure I don't go back to my old way of being a workaholic. I decided to send a casual card to her. I am just not sure what to write in it. I thought of something like "I hope things are going well for you out there." but I am not sure on what else I should say. What are your thoughts?
Yeah I feel it is to earlier to give up on her due to all the things I heard comes from people I learned I can't fully trust and it only been a little over 2 months after the break-up. She is a mature strong woman so I don't know why she wouldn't just contact me to tell me stuff instead of going thru other people.
I forgot to also ask how much no contact should I do since the last call? The only thing I have to go off of what she is thinking is that she still loved me twice right after the break up but didn't see each other enough and after communication break/cut all ties to me she had a friend ask for the personal gifts I hand made for her. She has not once told me anything to me personally about it being over or stop contacting her. Everything I hear comes thru another person and some what I hear has a really high chance to be false so I don't know what to believe. I am still doing my own thing and a still love and want to be with her.
One month.
One month.
One month.
One month.
One month.
Hey Tony,
I think if you don't want to give up yet, don't give up. However, set a time limit for yourself (4-5 months). If by that time she is still cold, then you should move on.
I forgot to also ask how much no contact should I do since the last call? The only thing I have to go off of what she is thinking is that she still loved me twice right after the break up but didn't see each other enough and after communication break/cut all ties to me she had a friend ask for the personal gifts I hand made for her. She has not once told me anything to me personally about it being over or stop contacting her. Everything I hear comes thru another person and some what I hear has a really high chance to be false so I don't know what to believe. I am still doing my own thing and a still love and want to be with her.
Hey Tony,
I think if you don't want to give up yet, don't give up. However, set a time limit for yourself (4-5 months). If by that time she is still cold, then you should move on.
I forgot to also ask how much no contact should I do since the last call? The only thing I have to go off of what she is thinking is that she still loved me twice right after the break up but didn't see each other enough and after communication break/cut all ties to me she had a friend ask for the personal gifts I hand made for her. She has not once told me anything to me personally about it being over or stop contacting her. Everything I hear comes thru another person and some what I hear has a really high chance to be false so I don't know what to believe. I am still doing my own thing and a still love and want to be with her.
Hey Tony,
I think if you don't want to give up yet, don't give up. However, set a time limit for yourself (4-5 months). If by that time she is still cold, then you should move on.
I forgot to also ask how much no contact should I do since the last call? The only thing I have to go off of what she is thinking is that she still loved me twice right after the break up but didn't see each other enough and after communication break/cut all ties to me she had a friend ask for the personal gifts I hand made for her. She has not once told me anything to me personally about it being over or stop contacting her. Everything I hear comes thru another person and some what I hear has a really high chance to be false so I don't know what to believe. I am still doing my own thing and a still love and want to be with her.
Kevin,
People are telling me that if she cared she would have responded in some sort of way by now but I know she can be a stubborn person at times. Communication was one of the things that were lacking in our relationship toward the end on both parts. Far as I know there isn't another guy and from mutual friends they say she she wants nothing to do with me. If she wanted nothing to do with me why wouldn't she have just contacted me personally after the letter I sent instead of contacting a mutual friend of ours? When she broke all communication she broke all ties between us as well. I can't really trust everything the mutual friend says anymore since there has been some false things that were said already. Its been a month and still have her gifts she wanted & things that her friend said she was going to get at some time but never got back up with me yet. Should I contact the friend and ask if she still planning on making an exchange? I feel I shouldn't give up on my Ex yet since its only been a little over 2 months after the break up. I believe if she sees/gives me the chance to show her I have become a better person things could be worked out. What are your thought?
Kevin,
People are telling me that if she cared she would have responded in some sort of way by now but I know she can be a stubborn person at times. Communication was one of the things that were lacking in our relationship toward the end on both parts. Far as I know there isn't another guy and from mutual friends they say she she wants nothing to do with me. If she wanted nothing to do with me why wouldn't she have just contacted me personally after the letter I sent instead of contacting a mutual friend of ours? When she broke all communication she broke all ties between us as well. I can't really trust everything the mutual friend says anymore since there has been some false things that were said already. Its been a month and still have her gifts she wanted & things that her friend said she was going to get at some time but never got back up with me yet. Should I contact the friend and ask if she still planning on making an exchange? I feel I shouldn't give up on my Ex yet since its only been a little over 2 months after the break up. I believe if she sees/gives me the chance to show her I have become a better person things could be worked out. What are your thought?
No you didn't.
hey kevin
i went on NC since the day he blocked me on FB ( 7 days ). yesterday was my birthday,he unblocked me and sent a text message to my friend and told her to tell me happy birthday from him on my birthday,he also told her he doesn't want me to write anything back and he wishes that i grow up and understand better.(our last fight was about me not understanding him and acting so bad) do you think he did this because he is still not over me and want me back later when i behave? and should i still continue NC? and now that he has unblocked me am i out of death's door?
He does miss you, but it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to get back together in the future. You are not out of death's door right now.
thank you very much kevin.
thank you very much kevin.
thank you very much kevin.
Hey a.z
I'm in the same position your in, deaths door, not a fun place to hang out LoL. It was my behavior that screwed things up with my ex too, my problem is that aside from taking medication, I have always refused to get help, therapy wise, for my condition, I guess that somewhere in my mind I thought that if I get help for it that I would be admitting to the fact that I'm different. But now I am getting the help I needed and it wouldn't have happened if me and her were still together. But basically what happened was that I had a bipolar episode after she told me the night before that it might be best to just be friends, and it was too much on her with everything going on in her life at the time and she told me that she didn't need the extra stress in her life right now. The worst part is that I knew deep down that it would have all blown over and we would have been fine, that it was only because she had a really bad day involving her ex. She blocked my number but that's nothing she hasn't done before, she used to do it whenever we had an argument back when we were just friends. It's been about forty days and still sucks, I saw her twice since it happened during the first two weeks and she wouldn't even look at me let alone talk or listen to what I had to say, it leaves you with a nasty feeling inside to know you have hurt someone you care about enough so that they wont talk to you. I'm about to send a letter, hope it goes over well, I'm also going to tell her about an opportunity to do something she loves to do, but hasn't been able to in awhile as Ryan suggested doing. I hope things work out for you.
hey zach ,
sorry to hear about your condition but i thinks there is nothing impossible in this conditions.we should just keep calm and concentrate more on our personal life.once we become a successful happy person we used to be,they absolutely find it attractive and wanna hang out.my ex an i broke up about 3 months ago.the first 2 weeks sucked but little by little i found lots of ways to be happy,i worked on myself and continued NC about a month then he contacted me.i acted the way ryan and kevin suggested and it worked.he was amazingly reaching for me.again one night i was drunk and messed up with everything.but this time i won't let these things happen i'm working on my self confidence and trying to control my anger.and doesn't matter our ex s get back or not i know we'll be fine.things aren't always hurtful by themselves but the way we look at it or what we think about it makes it hurtful.we should look at bad things as a challenge or opportunity and trust yourself your gonna get a stronger you out of it.there are thousands of opportunity out there that we can be happy and even find a new love.anyways i wish you all the best things and hope you get back with your ex soon,good luck :D
Thanks a-z,
It's been 41 days since we broke up but I tried to talk to her twice, once after 9 days and again 5 days later, so its been 27 days since I started no-contact. I know her well enough to know that she wont be the one to contact me, I'm going to drop off the letter that Kevin and Ryan suggested we do in her mailbox this week and I'm also going to put a note in there containing info on something she loves to do but couldn't find anywhere to do, I discovered it from my friends girlfriend who does it. So hopefully that opens her up to me so that I can begin to earn her trust again, she doesn't trust people very easily and so it will take some time. I think that's why it was so bad, she had it really rough the day before as I mentioned above and ended the relationship between us, because she needed me as a friend, I could always make her happy and cheer her up and tell her things will be okay but instead of that I panicked and I made her feel even worse and I believe she was so hurt by that, she just couldn't take it, in her eyes I betrayed her trust when she needed me the most. So with my ex I'm gonna have to do all the work to open her up to the possibility of being friends.
Zach,
Don't use the magic letter format that Ryan suggested. It's only if you are in the drift stage of the relationship. You are in death's door. There's a message format for death's door and there's a letter format in the email series. Use that format.
Zach,
Don't use the magic letter format that Ryan suggested. It's only if you are in the drift stage of the relationship. You are in death's door. There's a message format for death's door and there's a letter format in the email series. Use that format.
Zach,
Don't use the magic letter format that Ryan suggested. It's only if you are in the drift stage of the relationship. You are in death's door. There's a message format for death's door and there's a letter format in the email series. Use that format.
Zach,
Don't use the magic letter format that Ryan suggested. It's only if you are in the drift stage of the relationship. You are in death's door. There's a message format for death's door and there's a letter format in the email series. Use that format.
Zach,
Don't use the magic letter format that Ryan suggested. It's only if you are in the drift stage of the relationship. You are in death's door. There's a message format for death's door and there's a letter format in the email series. Use that format.
Thanks a-z,
It's been 41 days since we broke up but I tried to talk to her twice, once after 9 days and again 5 days later, so its been 27 days since I started no-contact. I know her well enough to know that she wont be the one to contact me, I'm going to drop off the letter that Kevin and Ryan suggested we do in her mailbox this week and I'm also going to put a note in there containing info on something she loves to do but couldn't find anywhere to do, I discovered it from my friends girlfriend who does it. So hopefully that opens her up to me so that I can begin to earn her trust again, she doesn't trust people very easily and so it will take some time. I think that's why it was so bad, she had it really rough the day before as I mentioned above and ended the relationship between us, because she needed me as a friend, I could always make her happy and cheer her up and tell her things will be okay but instead of that I panicked and I made her feel even worse and I believe she was so hurt by that, she just couldn't take it, in her eyes I betrayed her trust when she needed me the most. So with my ex I'm gonna have to do all the work to open her up to the possibility of being friends.
Thanks a-z,
It's been 41 days since we broke up but I tried to talk to her twice, once after 9 days and again 5 days later, so its been 27 days since I started no-contact. I know her well enough to know that she wont be the one to contact me, I'm going to drop off the letter that Kevin and Ryan suggested we do in her mailbox this week and I'm also going to put a note in there containing info on something she loves to do but couldn't find anywhere to do, I discovered it from my friends girlfriend who does it. So hopefully that opens her up to me so that I can begin to earn her trust again, she doesn't trust people very easily and so it will take some time. I think that's why it was so bad, she had it really rough the day before as I mentioned above and ended the relationship between us, because she needed me as a friend, I could always make her happy and cheer her up and tell her things will be okay but instead of that I panicked and I made her feel even worse and I believe she was so hurt by that, she just couldn't take it, in her eyes I betrayed her trust when she needed me the most. So with my ex I'm gonna have to do all the work to open her up to the possibility of being friends.
Thanks a-z,
It's been 41 days since we broke up but I tried to talk to her twice, once after 9 days and again 5 days later, so its been 27 days since I started no-contact. I know her well enough to know that she wont be the one to contact me, I'm going to drop off the letter that Kevin and Ryan suggested we do in her mailbox this week and I'm also going to put a note in there containing info on something she loves to do but couldn't find anywhere to do, I discovered it from my friends girlfriend who does it. So hopefully that opens her up to me so that I can begin to earn her trust again, she doesn't trust people very easily and so it will take some time. I think that's why it was so bad, she had it really rough the day before as I mentioned above and ended the relationship between us, because she needed me as a friend, I could always make her happy and cheer her up and tell her things will be okay but instead of that I panicked and I made her feel even worse and I believe she was so hurt by that, she just couldn't take it, in her eyes I betrayed her trust when she needed me the most. So with my ex I'm gonna have to do all the work to open her up to the possibility of being friends.
hey zach ,
sorry to hear about your condition but i thinks there is nothing impossible in this conditions.we should just keep calm and concentrate more on our personal life.once we become a successful happy person we used to be,they absolutely find it attractive and wanna hang out.my ex an i broke up about 3 months ago.the first 2 weeks sucked but little by little i found lots of ways to be happy,i worked on myself and continued NC about a month then he contacted me.i acted the way ryan and kevin suggested and it worked.he was amazingly reaching for me.again one night i was drunk and messed up with everything.but this time i won't let these things happen i'm working on my self confidence and trying to control my anger.and doesn't matter our ex s get back or not i know we'll be fine.things aren't always hurtful by themselves but the way we look at it or what we think about it makes it hurtful.we should look at bad things as a challenge or opportunity and trust yourself your gonna get a stronger you out of it.there are thousands of opportunity out there that we can be happy and even find a new love.anyways i wish you all the best things and hope you get back with your ex soon,good luck :D
hey zach ,
sorry to hear about your condition but i thinks there is nothing impossible in this conditions.we should just keep calm and concentrate more on our personal life.once we become a successful happy person we used to be,they absolutely find it attractive and wanna hang out.my ex an i broke up about 3 months ago.the first 2 weeks sucked but little by little i found lots of ways to be happy,i worked on myself and continued NC about a month then he contacted me.i acted the way ryan and kevin suggested and it worked.he was amazingly reaching for me.again one night i was drunk and messed up with everything.but this time i won't let these things happen i'm working on my self confidence and trying to control my anger.and doesn't matter our ex s get back or not i know we'll be fine.things aren't always hurtful by themselves but the way we look at it or what we think about it makes it hurtful.we should look at bad things as a challenge or opportunity and trust yourself your gonna get a stronger you out of it.there are thousands of opportunity out there that we can be happy and even find a new love.anyways i wish you all the best things and hope you get back with your ex soon,good luck :D
He does miss you, but it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to get back together in the future. You are not out of death's door right now.
Hey a.z
I'm in the same position your in, deaths door, not a fun place to hang out LoL. It was my behavior that screwed things up with my ex too, my problem is that aside from taking medication, I have always refused to get help, therapy wise, for my condition, I guess that somewhere in my mind I thought that if I get help for it that I would be admitting to the fact that I'm different. But now I am getting the help I needed and it wouldn't have happened if me and her were still together. But basically what happened was that I had a bipolar episode after she told me the night before that it might be best to just be friends, and it was too much on her with everything going on in her life at the time and she told me that she didn't need the extra stress in her life right now. The worst part is that I knew deep down that it would have all blown over and we would have been fine, that it was only because she had a really bad day involving her ex. She blocked my number but that's nothing she hasn't done before, she used to do it whenever we had an argument back when we were just friends. It's been about forty days and still sucks, I saw her twice since it happened during the first two weeks and she wouldn't even look at me let alone talk or listen to what I had to say, it leaves you with a nasty feeling inside to know you have hurt someone you care about enough so that they wont talk to you. I'm about to send a letter, hope it goes over well, I'm also going to tell her about an opportunity to do something she loves to do, but hasn't been able to in awhile as Ryan suggested doing. I hope things work out for you.
Hey Kevin, me and my gf have been together for 6 years. We have split up during this 6 years. But we got back together somehow. But it neglected this time. And she left me. Just about a week later she tells me she likes another guy. It's been more than a month. I tried the no contact rule, she texted me to see if I'm fine. Sometimes she treats me cold and hot. She also complains to me about her problems in life. The following day she treats me cold all of a sudden. I asked her once whether she missed me and she say no. I have no idea whether she still loves me or not or whether I have any chance of getting back together. I hope you can help me man.
You have a good chance. Her new relationship is probably a rebound. Follow the 5 step plan.
You have a good chance. Her new relationship is probably a rebound. Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
So my ex and I have been together for six months and we broke up recently. Unfortunately I've been through multiple relationships in the past and I couldn't accept this relationship for what it really was. I compared the past with this one on many occasions, and made my ex girlfriend feel worthless pretty much the whole time. I tried breaking up many times but she was the one who held the relationship together, and just when I started to open up my heart and accept the value of this relationship, she broke up with me. She says she just wants to be friends now, but I want it to be more than that.
What do I do?
Hi, Kevin! I finally finished my 30 days of no contact and I used that time effectively. I worked on myself, went on dates and I couldn't be happier. Towards the end of no contact the switch in my mind clicked. I can be on my own and it's a great feeling. I've rediscovered myself and what I want in my life. I sedcidwd that I still would like to make things work with my ex wife. So on the 32 day I reached out to her and we exchanged texts and had a good conversation. Today I asked her she was and she replied with a big text saying that she's happy I'm doing great and she's trying to improve her life but she's still upset with our situation and will be for a long time...her words. Thanks to the 30 days of NC . I'm now a much stronger indiviule but is there any thing I can do to make her see that the past is the past. Should I not reply and continue with NC or should I respond. Thank you for all that you do!
Stay in touch with her. If she acts cold, then back off for a couple of days. She is still a little negative about the breakup. But it'll go away with time. Just make sure you don't show any signs of neediness and don't react to her negativity.
Stay in touch with her. If she acts cold, then back off for a couple of days. She is still a little negative about the breakup. But it'll go away with time. Just make sure you don't show any signs of neediness and don't react to her negativity.
Kevin my ex and I broke up on May 6th, I felt a breakup coming on and so did he! He said he felt smothered I always told him to go out with his friends have fun, as for me I am over the club scene! He told me at the begining of our relationship that I was his best friend, always touching kissing holding hands laughing, but then his friend came to stay with us and I was against it due to we were only living together for 6 months, but he convinced me to let him stay, my ex wanted to be free I guess going out, he quit college, quit his job moved out and even called the cops as I had kept calling him and harrassing him later apologized for words said and we would argue, because he literally left with no explanation other than smothering! I was engaged to him we met on halloween oct 31st moved in together 3 days later we never had any issues at all. he constantly told me how much he loves me & how much I make him happy! we had a wedding date set for oct 31st 2015, I want him back, I have been married before and in relationships but none came even a 1/8 close to mine with Mohammad. What should I do, I started the 30 day no contact allthough I did email him last sunday telling him he needs mental help and is insecure and I have no illregard towards him, he of course didnt respond, he said he was back with his ex his has a child with (that he broke up with 8 times in 6 years) he hates her she treated him like a dog even called him by the dogs name and he would respond, very insecure! He is Perisna she is mexican, she likes to run the show and be the boss, Persian men like subserviant soft women like myself, (fyi he was necver married to the girl and lived with her and her mother and when he would leave he would go back to his parents at 36 years olf the apartment we got together was the first time he lived on his own had bills in name and acted his age! He truly liked being the king of the castle and I loved staying home tending to our home I am old school he didnt want me to work outside of the house and I was so happy, I love being June Cleaver so to speak (with Angelina Jolies Face, as I am a professional look alike in los angeles) Please help me I know he is the one I just know it!
I know he is not contacting me because when he left with his things I cried and then he started to cry how can I fix this!
Hey,
It's good that you started no contact. The best thing to do is continue it for 30 days and contact him after that. Read the 5 step plan and follow it.
Hey,
It's good that you started no contact. The best thing to do is continue it for 30 days and contact him after that. Read the 5 step plan and follow it.
My ex works at the bar where me and my friends hang out a lot. I don't go there anymore if he's working but my friends still do (which is fine). Had no contact with my ex for 2 weeks now. He contacted me through one of my friends, told her to say hi to me and that I could come hang out at the bar again if I wanted. I told her that i'm not ready because I still want him back and it will be too painful for me. The fact that he wants to hang out again scares me.. does he miss as well, or does he just want to be friends, which means that he doesn't want me back at all and makes it even more painful for me!
My friend might also tell him that i'm still heartbroken.. which doesn't help in getting him back right?? Not sure what to do now.. help..
If possible, tell your friends not to talk about your heartbroken state to him. If not, then you can use it to your advantage as well. If you've been working on yourself and start going out on dates, your friends will inform him of that as well.
If possible, tell your friends not to talk about your heartbroken state to him. If not, then you can use it to your advantage as well. If you've been working on yourself and start going out on dates, your friends will inform him of that as well.
Hey Kevin, I have been seeking insight and advice on a very difficult time in my life. My ex and I somewhat separated about a month and a half ago for some vauge reasons. I didn't understand it because her and I had such a wonderful relationship despite it being a long distance relationship, we were together for almost two years and had so many plans together since I was moving back to California very soon. We're young and I understand it seems naive to think that it would last but this girl is so special and I swear that she is the perfect match for me. She was crazy for me and I was the same for her, I had my life planned out with her by my side and everything was so awesome... But as of late she seems so different. It's been off and on from her saying she needs me and I'm everything to her, to her saying that she's saying she can't be in a relationship and other things that she says are not true but meant to push me away. I made mistakes like calling a lot, sending emotional long text and crying for her to come back. I've been trying to back off lately but it seems like she's forgetting about me. I still honestly believe she wants me and loves me but we haven't talked for a day or two and I fear she might have left for a camp she has been talking about where she'll be gone for 8 weeks... I miss her so much and I'm not the same person without her... I still love her with all that I am and want things to work, but I won't be able to talk to her for 8 weeks and there's a possibility I might leave for boot camp while she's gone. What should I do? Just let her go and not say anything about how I feel, or should I try to show her how much I miss her and need her? She's all i want in life and I need help to get her back. Thank you.
Let her go. You are forced do NC, so why not use it to your advantage. Do so for 8 weeks (more if you leave for boot camp as well). Contact her after that. Use the letter mentioned in this article.
Let her go. You are forced do NC, so why not use it to your advantage. Do so for 8 weeks (more if you leave for boot camp as well). Contact her after that. Use the letter mentioned in this article.
KEVIN, You already replied to the first part of my situation, but not the second. I would greatly appreciate input!! PLEASE. This is the first part, followed by your reply, and then lastly my follow-up to your answer:
Hi Kevin,
I am 28. My girlfriend 26. We had been together for 2 years and prior to this my girlfriend was with another guy for 5 years. She immediately jumped ship to me from him, with no grieving period over her first love. Her ex BF has since moved on in another relationship that is strong. We have been doing 8 months of long distance (cross-country). I went to see her last week after she had pretty much told me while I was away she couldn’t continue with the distance any longer. She had been telling her friends that she didn’t see how we would end up continuing and that she would most likely be single soon as she felt no commitment from me. I went to visit her to work on the relationship as she can be quite needy for attention–can’t handle being ‘single’– and upon my visit discovered (without her knowing) that she has been talking to her ex BF and recently asked him to go out late one night while I was away. He ended up saying no, but they have 100% gotten together before without my prior knowledge and they’ve been back in touch for over a year now. When I asked my GF if they had hung out or been in touch the last month, she lied 3 times to my face. I didn’t confront her about what I knew- the lying to my face seemed enough of a reason for me to end it, combined with the constant guilt-trip she has put me on for doing long distance.
I broke up with her last week after she got in my face about our problems. I’m doing the no-contact, but isn’t the lying about an ex (her first love of 5 years) to my face, enough of a reason to end it and NOT even consider going back??
YOUR RESPONSE WAS:
Hey,
In my opinion, yes it is a reason to end it and never go back.
MY FOLLOW UP:
Thanks Kevin. I figured the same, but it’s difficult. I dont think she cheated on me, but she did lie. They're clearly on good terms but I think her ex wants nothing romantic with her as he is happy in his new relationship.
We ended up breaking up arguing… she yelled at me and hung up on me.. i said things to her after that she said made her feel like a monster after I said how inconsiderate she was, etc… She messaged me the next day and tried to get back together the next day, and I said no…then she messaged me and said ‘good luck with your career’ and that was it. my last message was basically telling her its healthy for us to stop and that i dont want to be on bad terms and i feel we should talk, and told her its up to HER to call me as I wont message her again. apparently she is at ease now according to mutual friends. I think its because the relationship was emotionally draining the last 4 months.
I’m really missing her and don’t know if i should ever get in touch with her .. its been 14 days… Should I try to get in touch soon and have a proper mature discussion about us breaking up? It just bothers me so much how we had something so good and it just crashed and burned. For some reason I keep thinking we should try again in the future as we do have a deep bond and according to 2 mutual friends, she is battling through some depression which caused her to reach out to her ex whenever she felt insecure with us doing distance. Does NOT justify it.. but I feel sorry for her in that she was battling that stuff...
How should I proceed. Is it still worth a gamble in the future if she was battling herself internally (due to depression/neediness,), should she stabilize her life. Or is it not even worth it given what I found out (hiding her ex, even if it was just as a friend).
Basically, she is emotionally unstable ...but do you feel like giving her a second chance in lets say 6 months or a year, is a bad idea? Apparently she is at ease now with us being over as it was draining her. But she was apparently very hurt by what I said, and is now moving on and is at peace.
I don't want to let her slip away completely as I want that potential chance.. so should I call her in 2 weeks and want to talk about the breakup, and maybe getting back together once we get some stability back in our own lives... or should I just leave it all up to her to get in touch (which one friend says may be a very long time given how hurt she was and now she is trying to move on).
Thank you so much-- your wesbite is amazing..
THANK YOU!
Hey,
In my opinion, you'll be avoiding a lot of stress by cutting her from your life and moving on. Emotional instability is not something that can be fixed easily. And it can only be fixed if SHE decides to work on it. Even then it might take years depending on what caused her issues. She already lied to you once, and there's a good chance she will do it again. Emotionally unstable people somehow believe they are entitled to do anything (in your case lying and maybe even cheating) because of their emotions.
I will recommend you do NC for at least 3 months. If after that, you still want her back, then get back in touch with her. She won't move on so quickly, and you will still have a decent chance of getting her back even after 3 months. But at least, you will be sure that you are not making a big mistake since you've had enough enough time to get over the "missing her" phase. Also, I'll recommend highly that you start dating during these 3 months.
Thank you Kevin. I appreciate your thoughts and I will stick to your advice.
Thank you Kevin. I appreciate your thoughts and I will stick to your advice.
Thank you Kevin. I appreciate your thoughts and I will stick to your advice.
Hey,
In my opinion, you'll be avoiding a lot of stress by cutting her from your life and moving on. Emotional instability is not something that can be fixed easily. And it can only be fixed if SHE decides to work on it. Even then it might take years depending on what caused her issues. She already lied to you once, and there's a good chance she will do it again. Emotionally unstable people somehow believe they are entitled to do anything (in your case lying and maybe even cheating) because of their emotions.
I will recommend you do NC for at least 3 months. If after that, you still want her back, then get back in touch with her. She won't move on so quickly, and you will still have a decent chance of getting her back even after 3 months. But at least, you will be sure that you are not making a big mistake since you've had enough enough time to get over the "missing her" phase. Also, I'll recommend highly that you start dating during these 3 months.
Me and my ex GF were together close to 5 years. We're from different cities 3 hours away. After 2 1/2 years I moved back home for other reasons. 9 months or so later after a proposal and her dumping a guy she was seeing she moved to my home with me. We decided to wait on marriage. After a little over a year and a half she wanted to be back home. Neither of us were happy here and I was trying to get us out. Because of something in my career at the time I stayed for a minute unsure. It didn't take long to figure out I wanted to be with her obviously. We've had our bumps like any relationship but loved each other. She started seeing an old boyfriend within a month of being home. She wasn't putting much into it and He dumped her...she apparently was dealing with a lot in herself too. we somewhat reconciled for about a month and I truly thought we were going to work things out. Then like that she went back to him. He's younger than her and according to her very clingy, even wanted her to move in after only a couple months. I did some of the no no's...ima human being who had his emotions seriously messed with...I have since cut all ties...going NC as they seem to be more serious and have been dating a few months now. Crazy as it is...I love and miss her...any thoughts or should I give up?
I think there's still a chance. Follow the 5 step plan.
I think there's still a chance. Follow the 5 step plan.
kelvin,
My ex (21) & i (23) broke up 2 months ago back in march. I have done all sort of things like begging, pleading, suicide in order to get her back. (realize it was a huge mistake) after that i started NC until recently i contacted her. But she was still the same.. she's was cold on every msg that she sended to me. i did tried to invite her out for sports , coffee or anything couple of times but she would just completely rejected me. During the conversation with her, she did mention that the past memories still has impact in her life and somehow making in worse. (mayb was referring to the suicide thing). she also said that she now sees me differently. she also said this.. its either i stick to the person very well i wont leave or after i leave i won't get back to the person anymore, im like that so.. sorry. she also mention that its not her 1st mind to break up with me.. its her 3rd time. she says that we both know we don't suit each other. From what i heard, there is someone out there is being very nice to her, and she's all the time hanging out with him.. even went for trips, attending orchestra with her (which she really likes it) From your point of view, do u think i should continue chasing her? ( thats what i want actually) or should i just move on?? anyone out there facing this please feel free to comment thanks.
Sean,
The new guy might be rebound. I think you still have a chance, but it's slim. If you decide to continue chasing her, I'll recommend you set yourself a time limit (2-3 months). If things don't work out by the end of the time limit, you should move on.
Kelvin,
Honestly, She means alot to me. Well, perhaps your right. i should set a time limit for myself. but from here how i do continue chasing her?
Right now, do NC for a while. When you get back in touch, don't give the impression that you want to get back together. You just want to be friends.
kelvin,
How long is the NC would you recommend? her 21st birthday is coming on this sept. Should i wait until that day sent her a birthday gift despite whether she invite me or not?
45 days. Don’t send her a gift. I don’t recommend it. A simple text should suffice.
45 days. Don’t send her a gift. I don’t recommend it. A simple text should suffice.
45 days. Don’t send her a gift. I don’t recommend it. A simple text should suffice.
45 days. Don’t send her a gift. I don’t recommend it. A simple text should suffice.
45 days. Don’t send her a gift. I don’t recommend it. A simple text should suffice.
45 days. Don’t send her a gift. I don’t recommend it. A simple text should suffice.
kelvin,
How long is the NC would you recommend? her 21st birthday is coming on this sept. Should i wait until that day sent her a birthday gift despite whether she invite me or not?
kelvin,
How long is the NC would you recommend? her 21st birthday is coming on this sept. Should i wait until that day sent her a birthday gift despite whether she invite me or not?
kelvin,
How long is the NC would you recommend? her 21st birthday is coming on this sept. Should i wait until that day sent her a birthday gift despite whether she invite me or not?
kelvin,
How long is the NC would you recommend? her 21st birthday is coming on this sept. Should i wait until that day sent her a birthday gift despite whether she invite me or not?
Right now, do NC for a while. When you get back in touch, don't give the impression that you want to get back together. You just want to be friends.
Right now, do NC for a while. When you get back in touch, don't give the impression that you want to get back together. You just want to be friends.
Right now, do NC for a while. When you get back in touch, don't give the impression that you want to get back together. You just want to be friends.
Kelvin,
Honestly, She means alot to me. Well, perhaps your right. i should set a time limit for myself. but from here how i do continue chasing her?
Kelvin,
Honestly, She means alot to me. Well, perhaps your right. i should set a time limit for myself. but from here how i do continue chasing her?
Your situation sounds somewhat like mine. There are people that will never go back to an ex no matter what. I still thought it might be doable until I read the part about another guy.
Plus, three chances and you're surprised she got tired of you? Hardly surprising, she might really be done this time.
Keri,
After 2 months of NC, i felt better and made the changes that i should make. Even she does realize about it, will she even consider to come back to me again?
Phillipa,
Really its over?? i mean Do i not have anymore fighting chance? yesterday nite about 11.45pm (malaysia time) 1 of my friend saw me online on facebook, because he knows i hardly on facebook due to my recent situation, so he called and ask me, and i told him that i did not on my facebook at the time. So, somehow i feel that it was my ex that on my facebook account.she's the only one that know my account's password. Is she stalking or?
Keri,
After 2 months of NC, i felt better and made the changes that i should make. Even she does realize about it, will she even consider to come back to me again?
Phillipa,
Really its over?? i mean Do i not have anymore fighting chance? yesterday nite about 11.45pm (malaysia time) 1 of my friend saw me online on facebook, because he knows i hardly on facebook due to my recent situation, so he called and ask me, and i told him that i did not on my facebook at the time. So, somehow i feel that it was my ex that on my facebook account.she's the only one that know my account's password. Is she stalking or?
Keri,
After 2 months of NC, i felt better and made the changes that i should make. Even she does realize about it, will she even consider to come back to me again?
Phillipa,
Really its over?? i mean Do i not have anymore fighting chance? yesterday nite about 11.45pm (malaysia time) 1 of my friend saw me online on facebook, because he knows i hardly on facebook due to my recent situation, so he called and ask me, and i told him that i did not on my facebook at the time. So, somehow i feel that it was my ex that on my facebook account.she's the only one that know my account's password. Is she stalking or?
I'm in the same predicament but younger. I feel that you should try to move on. As much as we want to fight for that person, if they don't realize it now, they will later. Let her see that you're not so needy and try and find happiness. It may just be bad timing with you guys
Sean,
The new guy might be rebound. I think you still have a chance, but it's slim. If you decide to continue chasing her, I'll recommend you set yourself a time limit (2-3 months). If things don't work out by the end of the time limit, you should move on.
Your situation sounds somewhat like mine. There are people that will never go back to an ex no matter what. I still thought it might be doable until I read the part about another guy.
Plus, three chances and you're surprised she got tired of you? Hardly surprising, she might really be done this time.
I'm in the same predicament but younger. I feel that you should try to move on. As much as we want to fight for that person, if they don't realize it now, they will later. Let her see that you're not so needy and try and find happiness. It may just be bad timing with you guys
Hey Kevin. Me and my girlfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. We talked off and on for 3 years and dated for 5 months. We recently broke up and I'm devastated. I feel like without her I'm lost. I want her back but she's in a relationship that she entered a week after we broke up. We shared everything together and she became my best friend. When she left I felt like I lost everything. I think her friends influenced her to treat me like crap and leave. I really want her back but I don't know what to say to get her back.
Kevin,
I counted. And i acted needy for exactly 50 days. I will be going NC for 42 days. Should i make my NC longer than the numver of days i acted crazy?
Also, im feeling nervous about reconnevting with her. Is it bad? But overall my condition improved a lot. Thanks to you. Your answers and guidance is much appreciated. :)
It's up to you. Use the checklist at the beginning of Step 4. It's normal to feel a little nervous. As long as you've accepted that there's a chance you will never get her back, you will be fine.
Ill focus on accepting failure for the rest of my NC. But i really hope for my success.
I need to be stronger. Thanks kevin. Youre really a great help.
Ill focus on accepting failure for the rest of my NC. But i really hope for my success.
I need to be stronger. Thanks kevin. Youre really a great help.
Ill focus on accepting failure for the rest of my NC. But i really hope for my success.
I need to be stronger. Thanks kevin. Youre really a great help.
It's up to you. Use the checklist at the beginning of Step 4. It's normal to feel a little nervous. As long as you've accepted that there's a chance you will never get her back, you will be fine.
Hello Kevin,
My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of days ago because he decided that we were not suitable for each other. It's true our personalities are really very different. We do not have any common interests or hobbies (I am adventurous and like to travel but he rathers stay home most of the time) and we also differ a lot in our values and beliefs. He is also overly possessive and many of my friends think so too, and I happen to be a freedom-loving girl. Hence, we quarreled constantly, esp in the last 6 months. We were together for one year. I blame myself for hurting him a lot over the past months because I really started to get really sick of his possessiveness (I was not to stay out past midnight, I was not to hang out with my other male friends) and began to blatantly ignore his 'rules'. So one day he decided he cannot take this anymore and broke up with me.
But don't get me wrong, he really loved me. Every cell in my body could feel it. He cared for me more than anything else in the world and even his curfew was the result of his concern for me. His only flaw is that he's too stubborn and possessive. He was awfully nice and good to me otherwise. I really regret having not cherished him more when I could.
In the past, I always thought that I cared more about living a life and going the things I love (eg traveling), but now, having felt his absence and hating it, I don't want to travel anyway without him, you know? Since the breakup, I've thought a lot about my priorities and I think I want him more than anything else in the world, including my freedom.
I really want him back and I did plead for another chance, but he says it's time for us to break out of denial. He says that as much as he loved me, he doesn't envision a future with me anymore and it's best for us to put everything behind us and just be friends. Ive asked him if he still loves me, he says he does find himself thinking of me less and feeling less hurt as time goes by. Does this mean he stopped loving me ? I'm really confused.
What should I do now? I have started the no contact, but what happens after 60 days ? How should I behave when I see him again? And I'd really like to know if he still loves me, so that I know if I should really give this up or not give up.
Lastly, does personality differences matter so much? Will we be able to work out our fundamental differences if there's still love?
Thank you so much!
Jes
I'll start with your last question. Yes, they matter a lot. And it will be very hard to come to a compromise if you have a lot of difference in values and beliefs. I know you feel like you cherish him more than your other interests right now, but don't you think it's just because you miss him right now. What if you don't miss him? Don't you think you will again start resenting him for his possessiveness and stopping you from doing what you love? In my opinion, breaking up was the right thing for both of you. If you want him back, I'll suggest you do no contact for at least 90 days. At least till the time you feel you are happy in your life without him. I don't think he will completely forget about you in that time. And you will still have a chance to get him back after 90 days. But at least, you will know for sure that you are making the right decision.
I'll start with your last question. Yes, they matter a lot. And it will be very hard to come to a compromise if you have a lot of difference in values and beliefs. I know you feel like you cherish him more than your other interests right now, but don't you think it's just because you miss him right now. What if you don't miss him? Don't you think you will again start resenting him for his possessiveness and stopping you from doing what you love? In my opinion, breaking up was the right thing for both of you. If you want him back, I'll suggest you do no contact for at least 90 days. At least till the time you feel you are happy in your life without him. I don't think he will completely forget about you in that time. And you will still have a chance to get him back after 90 days. But at least, you will know for sure that you are making the right decision.
(pretty long)
I have a dilemna. Me and my ex suffered a bad breakup in March. We had known each other since January. Despite excessive drama, me and my friend always believed he still liked me. He was gentle in person, only snapping at me angrily. He avoided eye contact. Our relationship ended in texts. Even when I asked him what I should do or if we should break up, his response would be "I don't know" or "I'm not sure". So yes, the guy was extremely reluctant. He told me some more personal things about himself solely in texts, though. We met on a forum catered to a geekier side of society. Probably why he didn't realize his social/communication bloopers. (I informed him, but he never changed that weird habit.)
The main problem is that I didn't keep my NC. We stopped speaking for two weeks. But I continued to send him lengthy messages. That's pretty much where we've been ever since. He tried to get over me, though I wrote him a private message or email every two weeks. Plus, a couple friends intervened unsuccessfully. Everyone got curt responses and ended up quickly blocked. The split proved so serious we deleted each others' contact information. All I have is his email address coupled with an IM handle. He said all the typical guy breakup stuff. He claimed we weren't compatible, that he wouldn't contact me and vice versa. (When I continued to, he abruptly threatened me with police reports. But no restraining order was ever placed. And this is not a legal issue.)
It's been a little while so I thought he'd recovered by now. However, I finally spoke to him just two weeks ago. He still thinks I'm psychotic and wants me out of his life. He already knows I want him back this desperately.
Something broke in me the last couple days. Today, I sent him a very lengthy (probably some good five pages), eloquent and detailed email and IM. I discussed everything super carefully. Like you covered here, I spoke of physical advances. Career upgrades. I was careful not to reveal too much. I said I was sorry, explained myself and noted that I'd love to meet in the future. At least I accepted that he may never come back now. Though I would prefer one last meeting to say goodbye.
Now that I've done all this, what is your advice? I see that we haven't had much time to recover (come on, touching messages every two weeks?). But how should I proceed from here? I contemplated just leaving him alone for another two full months. Then ringing him up and going out again. I have warned him he only has one more chance to speak to me. If he doesn't answer or continues being defensive this next time around, I would seriously give up.
I have been obsessing like anything. Doesn't help he's basically my first relationship. I'm naturally an obsessive person, but he's calm and a bit more experienced. Even so, the breakup seems to have impacted him. He was angry, dismissive, in a bad mood, and used a different tone of voice.
He may or may not agree to a second chance. At least I'd have proper closure. Two months seems like a long time, though, and I've already made severe changes. Would a couple weeks be too soon? I know that timing is tricky. I'm healing and I've told him this. I just don't know when I should finally step in and talk to him again. Or even if I should.
Thanks in advance?
I actually spoke to several licensed medical professionals. The experts believe that I should move on, it happens and people can't do anything after all that but there will be others in the future. Even if he comes to take me back, there were a lot of issues in the relationship. Unless we magically clean up, the outcome would probably be the same. I still feel my case deserves closure. It was so bad I suffered extreme anxiety and needed the ER-level of care. Antidepressants. My ex dodged several important questions, including closure.
Also, whenever it came to talking about our relationship he was pretty much always the same way. We experienced some close calls in the past. But rather than tell me face-to-face, he chose to text or IM everything. I'm guessing this could be him trying to avoid showing emotion in public, unsure of how TO talk in person or just still likes me. The poor guy ended up in some rebound relationships. I acknowledged letting go, and went on some dates as well.
You seem to know a lot about this stuff. So I was hoping you could help.
Hey Philippa,
I agree with what medical professionals are saying. However, I know that it's not so easy to let go of a relationship. Especially if it was your first one. I think two months is a good amount of time. However, you seem to be under the impression that you will get closure by meeting him or something outside event. Closure is something that comes from inside. And it'll happen with time. You just have to learn to be happy without him. Start concentrating on yourself more and try to accept the fact that getting answers from him will not necessarily give you closure. In fact, there's a good chance you won't get the answers from him that you are expecting. You can try contacting him again after two months. And if things don't work out then, you should definitely move on.
Thank you for the help, Kevin. I've tried doing a lot of other things (volunteering, working out, etc). The truth is, like the professionals stated, I don't even know if I should try contacting him again. There were many problems I overlooked.
I've started trying to meet other people. I've seen this as a really unhealthy relationship. I guess that's life. I didn't know until I experienced the situation for myself.
Thank you for the help, Kevin. I've tried doing a lot of other things (volunteering, working out, etc). The truth is, like the professionals stated, I don't even know if I should try contacting him again. There were many problems I overlooked.
I've started trying to meet other people. I've seen this as a really unhealthy relationship. I guess that's life. I didn't know until I experienced the situation for myself.
Thank you for the help, Kevin. I've tried doing a lot of other things (volunteering, working out, etc). The truth is, like the professionals stated, I don't even know if I should try contacting him again. There were many problems I overlooked.
I've started trying to meet other people. I've seen this as a really unhealthy relationship. I guess that's life. I didn't know until I experienced the situation for myself.
Thank you for the help, Kevin. I've tried doing a lot of other things (volunteering, working out, etc). The truth is, like the professionals stated, I don't even know if I should try contacting him again. There were many problems I overlooked.
I've started trying to meet other people. I've seen this as a really unhealthy relationship. I guess that's life. I didn't know until I experienced the situation for myself.
Hey Philippa,
I agree with what medical professionals are saying. However, I know that it's not so easy to let go of a relationship. Especially if it was your first one. I think two months is a good amount of time. However, you seem to be under the impression that you will get closure by meeting him or something outside event. Closure is something that comes from inside. And it'll happen with time. You just have to learn to be happy without him. Start concentrating on yourself more and try to accept the fact that getting answers from him will not necessarily give you closure. In fact, there's a good chance you won't get the answers from him that you are expecting. You can try contacting him again after two months. And if things don't work out then, you should definitely move on.
Hey Philippa,
I agree with what medical professionals are saying. However, I know that it's not so easy to let go of a relationship. Especially if it was your first one. I think two months is a good amount of time. However, you seem to be under the impression that you will get closure by meeting him or something outside event. Closure is something that comes from inside. And it'll happen with time. You just have to learn to be happy without him. Start concentrating on yourself more and try to accept the fact that getting answers from him will not necessarily give you closure. In fact, there's a good chance you won't get the answers from him that you are expecting. You can try contacting him again after two months. And if things don't work out then, you should definitely move on.
I actually spoke to several licensed medical professionals. The experts believe that I should move on, it happens and people can't do anything after all that but there will be others in the future. Even if he comes to take me back, there were a lot of issues in the relationship. Unless we magically clean up, the outcome would probably be the same. I still feel my case deserves closure. It was so bad I suffered extreme anxiety and needed the ER-level of care. Antidepressants. My ex dodged several important questions, including closure.
Also, whenever it came to talking about our relationship he was pretty much always the same way. We experienced some close calls in the past. But rather than tell me face-to-face, he chose to text or IM everything. I'm guessing this could be him trying to avoid showing emotion in public, unsure of how TO talk in person or just still likes me. The poor guy ended up in some rebound relationships. I acknowledged letting go, and went on some dates as well.
You seem to know a lot about this stuff. So I was hoping you could help.
Hi Kevin,
My boyfriend and I have an on-off relationship for almost 2 years. At the beginning we argued about his no boundary and also put up his ex's rules to affect our normal life and relationship, eg. his ex asked him to shut me out for all his friends and family activities coz she still goes every time, he did it, and blamed its my fault not accepting it. After a couple of fighting on the same issue, we broke up. After 4 months (1 month has angry contacts, then no contact), he beg me back and regret he didn't handle things fair and didn't fight for me before, also promise will fight for me and work out future difficulties together. So we were back on. Unfortuantely we still fight sometimes in these 2 months coz situation seems no change. He asked his ex to leave us alone but she refused and hit him, so he surrounded to calm her down. After that, they two still go to friends' parties together, but refused to bring me. Also, he refused to bring me to his sister's wedding. I think its because the same reason, or because he feels shame coz people know we are on-off. But he denied, he insisted the reason is his sister does not know me, so did not invite me, but invited his ex. And he broke up with me coz he said we argued too much. Sounds like blame its all my fault.
I do not know is it a right choice to get him back, coz I feel things won't be solved if he continue seeing things this way or refused to face or solve problems together.
I hesitate because we were sure each other the right person for life. But he said he changed mind when we argued.
Should I move on? How to convince myself he is not the right one for me any more?
You should move on. The way I see it, as long as his ex controls his life, you will never be able to have a healthy relationship with him. And I am pretty sure his ex will be in his life for a long time and there's simply nothing you can do to change that. If you want, you can give him an ultimatum. Either cut his ex out completely, or you move on.
Thank you for your reply, Kevin.
I think I have no choice but move on, coz he said he won't cut his ex out coz they need raise baby together, so he won't do anything to upset her.
I have doubts is it me asking too much? Is it an unreasonable request to ask him to bring me to his sis' wedding together? At least he made me feel it is my fault broke us by complaining his close relationship with ex and sis' wedding invitation.
After all these, I feel the things I used to think appropriate to do, now I have doubts.
You are not asking too much leah. What you demand is perfectly reasonable and if someone wants to be with you, he should be able to provide you with the respect and admiration you deserve. You are better off moving on.
Fair enough. Thats what I think too, although it hurts me badly start persuading myself he is not the one, made me feel I betray our belief. But he said that to me when we broke up. Heartbroken.. I will be brave.
Thank you very much.
Fair enough. Thats what I think too, although it hurts me badly start persuading myself he is not the one, made me feel I betray our belief. But he said that to me when we broke up. Heartbroken.. I will be brave.
Thank you very much.
Fair enough. Thats what I think too, although it hurts me badly start persuading myself he is not the one, made me feel I betray our belief. But he said that to me when we broke up. Heartbroken.. I will be brave.
Thank you very much.
Fair enough. Thats what I think too, although it hurts me badly start persuading myself he is not the one, made me feel I betray our belief. But he said that to me when we broke up. Heartbroken.. I will be brave.
Thank you very much.
Fair enough. Thats what I think too, although it hurts me badly start persuading myself he is not the one, made me feel I betray our belief. But he said that to me when we broke up. Heartbroken.. I will be brave.
Thank you very much.
You are not asking too much leah. What you demand is perfectly reasonable and if someone wants to be with you, he should be able to provide you with the respect and admiration you deserve. You are better off moving on.
You are not asking too much leah. What you demand is perfectly reasonable and if someone wants to be with you, he should be able to provide you with the respect and admiration you deserve. You are better off moving on.
You are not asking too much leah. What you demand is perfectly reasonable and if someone wants to be with you, he should be able to provide you with the respect and admiration you deserve. You are better off moving on.
Thank you for your reply, Kevin.
I think I have no choice but move on, coz he said he won't cut his ex out coz they need raise baby together, so he won't do anything to upset her.
I have doubts is it me asking too much? Is it an unreasonable request to ask him to bring me to his sis' wedding together? At least he made me feel it is my fault broke us by complaining his close relationship with ex and sis' wedding invitation.
After all these, I feel the things I used to think appropriate to do, now I have doubts.
Thank you for your reply, Kevin.
I think I have no choice but move on, coz he said he won't cut his ex out coz they need raise baby together, so he won't do anything to upset her.
I have doubts is it me asking too much? Is it an unreasonable request to ask him to bring me to his sis' wedding together? At least he made me feel it is my fault broke us by complaining his close relationship with ex and sis' wedding invitation.
After all these, I feel the things I used to think appropriate to do, now I have doubts.
You should move on. The way I see it, as long as his ex controls his life, you will never be able to have a healthy relationship with him. And I am pretty sure his ex will be in his life for a long time and there's simply nothing you can do to change that. If you want, you can give him an ultimatum. Either cut his ex out completely, or you move on.
I had been with my ex for ten years she broke up with me 6 weeks ago she said she felt different but still loved me I had suspicions she was cheating because she started to lie a lot it she is now with this guy but denies it
Hello Kevin,
So it had been 2 weeks since my breakup and I had been feeling a bit better. Today my friend let me know that my ex is already going out with the guy she told me about. June 1st was actually the day we got together, and i heard she got together with him basically a week after our breakup. It felt like I was back to square one with the pain. What is worse for me, is that I had to hear the true reason for the break up from my friend, rather than from her. She did tell me about it, but she did not explicitly tell me that was the reason.
In the end, it was my complacency with the relationship. I was happy and secure with it, and basically fell into doing the same things. I didn't really do stuff to surprise her, or take her out to new places. Quite frankly I am a reserved person, and because of the way I was brought up I never got a chance to do that. I certainly did do some of that stuff in our first year, but I began thinking more towards our future the second year and forgot about that. I wish she had told me much more explicitly, I would have listened. Even when I talked to her about the future, she didn't tell me she didn't want to think that far ahead. She was a sweet sweet girl, and I still believe she is, and cares about me.
It seems weird to me that she went ahead and got in a relationship with the guy. I didn't think she would just jump into it. It might be rebound, she told my friend that she knows she hurt me, but that she has to "move on", and that she's not ready to see me or talk to me yet. I don't understand how I feel right now. On one side I feel afraid because the guy is pretty cool and a nice guy. He always seemed as reserved as I, and overall a pretty cool guy from the looks of it. It feels like she's just throwing everything away, that I wasn't anything to her. That and the fact that she didn't communicate to me is what hurts me. It feels like she might get serious with him, but I its also feels pretty soon to jump into that, so she might just be doing this to try to forget me.
What do you think about my situation? I start summer school now so I will finally be able to get out of home and try to talk to people. I will start a workout regimen too. I want to work on myself, but I also know that it will take time to heal my mind. In my sleep I dream of her, sometimes the good times, and others I see images of her with him.
I don't know if I will want to be back with her once my mind and heart heal, but I do know that I want her friendship, I care about her as my friend.
Today, after I heard the news, I just wanted to call her, to blow up on her. I felt hurt, but now I feel that the best revenge, is for me to become happy with my life and be so. Do you think it would be fine for me to contact her near the end of July? I don't know how serious their relationship is, but I do want her friendship. In most of our time together I could really see that she loved me and felt for me. I could see that in her eyes.
Do you think I will ever have a chance with her? I'm going to try to make some changes, there are certainly things i can get better at, whether it be a future with her, or with another person. What do you think?
I think there's a good chance that it's a rebound. And you should contact her near the end of July. There's still chance.
Thank you, that's what I've been thinking I will do. The guy is a good guy, from looking at him I always got the impression he was cool. I never really got around to getting to know him when we were in school though, but I know that he is not bad nor will have bad influences. I hope that it is rebound, it really feels like she is rushing into that considering that we took a year, but I guess I will found out in the future. I'm trying to work on myself, and hopefully it will be easier to stop thinking about them. I will try contacting her late July, before I go on vacation. Hopefully we can be friendly again.
Thank you, that's what I've been thinking I will do. The guy is a good guy, from looking at him I always got the impression he was cool. I never really got around to getting to know him when we were in school though, but I know that he is not bad nor will have bad influences. I hope that it is rebound, it really feels like she is rushing into that considering that we took a year, but I guess I will found out in the future. I'm trying to work on myself, and hopefully it will be easier to stop thinking about them. I will try contacting her late July, before I go on vacation. Hopefully we can be friendly again.
Thank you, that's what I've been thinking I will do. The guy is a good guy, from looking at him I always got the impression he was cool. I never really got around to getting to know him when we were in school though, but I know that he is not bad nor will have bad influences. I hope that it is rebound, it really feels like she is rushing into that considering that we took a year, but I guess I will found out in the future. I'm trying to work on myself, and hopefully it will be easier to stop thinking about them. I will try contacting her late July, before I go on vacation. Hopefully we can be friendly again.
Victor,
The reason for your breakup is the same as mine. Though my ex is not dating anyone. Anyway dont worry about it. Worry about yourself. She wants to see you affected so dont panic. Just have fun. You became boring ao she left. Then let her see that you are an exciting guy to be with. Just nurture yourself at the moment. Its fine to make her notice but dont overdo it. Best wishes man. Stay strong. Shes not contacting you because she needs space. Just give her some time for nlw and work on yourself. Goodluck!
Haha yeah I had been following your posts. It is pretty similar! That's what I am trying to do. It is just weird that she jumped into that relationship like that, although they might have already gotten closer before. Regardless she wasn't a person to just do that. I'm better now and can go through the day pretty calmly. As I am sure this happens with everyone it is hard to not think about them. Most if not all my friends were her friends too, so I don't have much of anyone to hangout with. I will try though! It feels great to have some support here! Thank you!
Haha yeah I had been following your posts. It is pretty similar! That's what I am trying to do. It is just weird that she jumped into that relationship like that, although they might have already gotten closer before. Regardless she wasn't a person to just do that. I'm better now and can go through the day pretty calmly. As I am sure this happens with everyone it is hard to not think about them. Most if not all my friends were her friends too, so I don't have much of anyone to hangout with. I will try though! It feels great to have some support here! Thank you!
Haha yeah I had been following your posts. It is pretty similar! That's what I am trying to do. It is just weird that she jumped into that relationship like that, although they might have already gotten closer before. Regardless she wasn't a person to just do that. I'm better now and can go through the day pretty calmly. As I am sure this happens with everyone it is hard to not think about them. Most if not all my friends were her friends too, so I don't have much of anyone to hangout with. I will try though! It feels great to have some support here! Thank you!
I think there's a good chance that it's a rebound. And you should contact her near the end of July. There's still chance.
Victor,
The reason for your breakup is the same as mine. Though my ex is not dating anyone. Anyway dont worry about it. Worry about yourself. She wants to see you affected so dont panic. Just have fun. You became boring ao she left. Then let her see that you are an exciting guy to be with. Just nurture yourself at the moment. Its fine to make her notice but dont overdo it. Best wishes man. Stay strong. Shes not contacting you because she needs space. Just give her some time for nlw and work on yourself. Goodluck!
Hi kevin,
Thankyou so much for all the Information you are giving to so many. This is what I needed to fi d sooner.
I met a great guy via kids school ( alternative schooling so on the same page ). I knew his ex partner well ( who has moved on with new man and had a child with ). After a few months of communication with this guy I realised we had a deep connection. So asked his ex how she would feel if we dated? " sure I just want him to be happy ".
We were happy , we shared time with each others kids, both of our families and our exs. It was all I would want in a blended co parenting scenario. Alas his ex all of a sudden didn't like it. Every time we were together she would text / call 3 times a day. I was patient initially as I am aware of patterns and need to communicate with mother of kids. But after awhile I became aware it was a massive intrusion and she didn't want him to move on and did everything in her power to stop our relationship . This resulted in an on again off again. As their relationship was co dependant for 18 years and he always gave into her demands.
I eventually realised I was a rebound relationship and despite the on again of again hot cold that was sending me crazy . This went on for 3 years. We have had nc on off for over 12 months, yet the times we reconnect are open and giving and consistently met with emotional shut down from him. This then creates the needy clingingness of trying to understand.
The 4 times we broke up was at our happiest times and at times when we were moving to next phase. The common denominator is his ex becoming unhappy. Thats when I had enough. I was patient but if her happiness was more important than mine , despite her moving on and having a child with his best friend than I just can't continue.
Yet I still care for him deeply and miss him and his kids and how he was with mine. It has now been over 12 months from breakup and yet we have had at least 5 intimate moments in that time. He just shuts down without explaination and usually after an opening up. So very confusing for me.
Please help . This has been driving me crazy. We are both in our early 40s and have very similar alternative views in politics / education and values.
Hey Deni,
Unfortunately, as long his ex is controlling his life, you stand very little chance. I know it sucks to lose someone who you have a good connection with. But the truth is, he is not a perfect match for you since his ex is always going to control him. I'll recommend you try to move on.
Thankyou kevin ,
I do agree. I just find it difficult as I was happy to spend time with his ex and her family ( who all really liked me ) as they have a long history and children together. Yet now we are both alone . Neither of us moving on whilst she is building a new life and family.
The last time I saw my ex we connected really well and he opened up to the pain of her moving on and having another child ( which I can relate as same circumstance happened for me and my kids dad it is hard) I guess I am just confused as to why he cant move forward and let us be happy as I am not asking him not to be available to his ex or cut her out. All I ever wanted was us all to work together and have boundaries so we can all move forward. Its a shame her happiness is considered more than ours or even the children . Who all got along well too. So damn perplexing :/
I guess I am just questioning if I should still be there for him ? When we were first together he posted how great it was to be in a relationship where he was heard ( on fb) I suggested he might want to delete comment as it would upset his ex . ( too late she lost it and our first breakup ). :/
But a few months later we worked it out and he told me how greatful he was I persisted as he pushes people away ( I heard). So as much as he pushed I stayed ( as I understand depression and the isolation. He still pushed me away to the point I then felt needy (btw I am not ) I have been a sole traveller of the world pre motherhood of 15 years. Quite happy with my own company and experiencing life. Alas I became needy of trying to understand the push pull . The awareness of him not wanting for me to give up but his consitent need to shutdown at any moment. ( mostly at times that really made no sense ... and the shut down could happen midsentence whether positive or negative and there was no clue he would just be gone ) so confusing . So after him asking me not to give up " don't stop when I say no ". To absolute shutdown and no response. This has messed with my heart and my head. Arrghh. Please give me an external perspective xxx
Deni,
In my opinion, you should definitely concentrate on moving on. One of the many subtle qualities of an unhealthy relationship is that it affects your confidence and self-esteem. This relationship turned you into a needy person. And it was clearly unhealthy. Remember, a relationship can only be as healthy as least healthy person in it.
Deni,
In my opinion, you should definitely concentrate on moving on. One of the many subtle qualities of an unhealthy relationship is that it affects your confidence and self-esteem. This relationship turned you into a needy person. And it was clearly unhealthy. Remember, a relationship can only be as healthy as least healthy person in it.
Deni,
In my opinion, you should definitely concentrate on moving on. One of the many subtle qualities of an unhealthy relationship is that it affects your confidence and self-esteem. This relationship turned you into a needy person. And it was clearly unhealthy. Remember, a relationship can only be as healthy as least healthy person in it.
Deni,
In my opinion, you should definitely concentrate on moving on. One of the many subtle qualities of an unhealthy relationship is that it affects your confidence and self-esteem. This relationship turned you into a needy person. And it was clearly unhealthy. Remember, a relationship can only be as healthy as least healthy person in it.
Deni,
In my opinion, you should definitely concentrate on moving on. One of the many subtle qualities of an unhealthy relationship is that it affects your confidence and self-esteem. This relationship turned you into a needy person. And it was clearly unhealthy. Remember, a relationship can only be as healthy as least healthy person in it.
I guess I am just questioning if I should still be there for him ? When we were first together he posted how great it was to be in a relationship where he was heard ( on fb) I suggested he might want to delete comment as it would upset his ex . ( too late she lost it and our first breakup ). :/
But a few months later we worked it out and he told me how greatful he was I persisted as he pushes people away ( I heard). So as much as he pushed I stayed ( as I understand depression and the isolation. He still pushed me away to the point I then felt needy (btw I am not ) I have been a sole traveller of the world pre motherhood of 15 years. Quite happy with my own company and experiencing life. Alas I became needy of trying to understand the push pull . The awareness of him not wanting for me to give up but his consitent need to shutdown at any moment. ( mostly at times that really made no sense ... and the shut down could happen midsentence whether positive or negative and there was no clue he would just be gone ) so confusing . So after him asking me not to give up " don't stop when I say no ". To absolute shutdown and no response. This has messed with my heart and my head. Arrghh. Please give me an external perspective xxx
I guess I am just questioning if I should still be there for him ? When we were first together he posted how great it was to be in a relationship where he was heard ( on fb) I suggested he might want to delete comment as it would upset his ex . ( too late she lost it and our first breakup ). :/
But a few months later we worked it out and he told me how greatful he was I persisted as he pushes people away ( I heard). So as much as he pushed I stayed ( as I understand depression and the isolation. He still pushed me away to the point I then felt needy (btw I am not ) I have been a sole traveller of the world pre motherhood of 15 years. Quite happy with my own company and experiencing life. Alas I became needy of trying to understand the push pull . The awareness of him not wanting for me to give up but his consitent need to shutdown at any moment. ( mostly at times that really made no sense ... and the shut down could happen midsentence whether positive or negative and there was no clue he would just be gone ) so confusing . So after him asking me not to give up " don't stop when I say no ". To absolute shutdown and no response. This has messed with my heart and my head. Arrghh. Please give me an external perspective xxx
I guess I am just questioning if I should still be there for him ? When we were first together he posted how great it was to be in a relationship where he was heard ( on fb) I suggested he might want to delete comment as it would upset his ex . ( too late she lost it and our first breakup ). :/
But a few months later we worked it out and he told me how greatful he was I persisted as he pushes people away ( I heard). So as much as he pushed I stayed ( as I understand depression and the isolation. He still pushed me away to the point I then felt needy (btw I am not ) I have been a sole traveller of the world pre motherhood of 15 years. Quite happy with my own company and experiencing life. Alas I became needy of trying to understand the push pull . The awareness of him not wanting for me to give up but his consitent need to shutdown at any moment. ( mostly at times that really made no sense ... and the shut down could happen midsentence whether positive or negative and there was no clue he would just be gone ) so confusing . So after him asking me not to give up " don't stop when I say no ". To absolute shutdown and no response. This has messed with my heart and my head. Arrghh. Please give me an external perspective xxx
Thankyou kevin ,
I do agree. I just find it difficult as I was happy to spend time with his ex and her family ( who all really liked me ) as they have a long history and children together. Yet now we are both alone . Neither of us moving on whilst she is building a new life and family.
The last time I saw my ex we connected really well and he opened up to the pain of her moving on and having another child ( which I can relate as same circumstance happened for me and my kids dad it is hard) I guess I am just confused as to why he cant move forward and let us be happy as I am not asking him not to be available to his ex or cut her out. All I ever wanted was us all to work together and have boundaries so we can all move forward. Its a shame her happiness is considered more than ours or even the children . Who all got along well too. So damn perplexing :/
Thankyou kevin ,
I do agree. I just find it difficult as I was happy to spend time with his ex and her family ( who all really liked me ) as they have a long history and children together. Yet now we are both alone . Neither of us moving on whilst she is building a new life and family.
The last time I saw my ex we connected really well and he opened up to the pain of her moving on and having another child ( which I can relate as same circumstance happened for me and my kids dad it is hard) I guess I am just confused as to why he cant move forward and let us be happy as I am not asking him not to be available to his ex or cut her out. All I ever wanted was us all to work together and have boundaries so we can all move forward. Its a shame her happiness is considered more than ours or even the children . Who all got along well too. So damn perplexing :/
Hey Deni,
Unfortunately, as long his ex is controlling his life, you stand very little chance. I know it sucks to lose someone who you have a good connection with. But the truth is, he is not a perfect match for you since his ex is always going to control him. I'll recommend you try to move on.
hi, i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs out of anger last night. he packed his bags and did not even bother to text me after. i texted him this morning saying i need my keys so i could start moving on, but he never replied about it instead we fought about our relationship. what should i do? i need my keys though and my birthday is coming in three weeks, I already invited his friends and family.help!
Wait a couple days. Get back in touch and tell him that you didn't mean it and you broke up out of anger. Be calm and even if he tries to fight stay calm. Tell him you want to get back together. If he refuses, start NC and follow the 5 step plan.
Wait a couple days. Get back in touch and tell him that you didn't mean it and you broke up out of anger. Be calm and even if he tries to fight stay calm. Tell him you want to get back together. If he refuses, start NC and follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend broke off with me 2 months ago. We had a very good chemistry. I've tried whatever i could but it didn't work. She says she doesn't want me anymore. Unfortunately, i did 4 mistakes among the five you've mentioned. But a week back i read this article of yours and had stopped texting her. I love her a lot, i want her back. I cant get her out of my head. I don't know what to do..
Follow the steps Sagar.
Follow the steps Sagar.
Hi Kevin. You have been of great help to me in the past one month and I am sincerely thankful to you for that. Your mails have helped me get out of depression to an extent.
Kevin, this is really urgent so I really request you to reply to me as soon as possible. Please.
Me and my ex who are 17 and 19 respectively, broke up one month ago. We were together for two months. The reason for the breakup was that I got to know that he has been cheating on me from his other girlfriend who had been with him since a year. This was the second time he had cheated on her. As soon as my ex got to know that I have realized that he has been cheating, he blocked my number completely and told everyone that he was just getting intimate. I was completely shattered after this and cut myself and went into depression. I can do anything to get him back. However, I didn't contact him. At all. For one month. My facebook shows that I am extremely happy. And I am even going out with my friends. All this is an act, since I don't really feel all this.
Now, one month later on the day he had asked me out, he has contacted me and apologized. This happened two days ago. He says he wants to be friends. I accepted his apology and became friends with him since my NCP was over. Later, he asked me about my life and whether I am single or not. He told me that he is single. He told me to meet him at 2 a.m. and has been talking to me a bit. Each time he sends a message and starts the conversation, I just follow up.
Now, I am unsure what to do. I sent him a message today saying that his new Display Picture on what's app is nice and started a conversation with him for the first time after the breakup. However, I haven't gotten any replies. Please Kevin, I am ready to do anything. Just help me. Tell me what to do.
Hey,
In my opinion, you should do NC for at least 3 months. Because
1. He cheated on you and you are still wanting him back. You need to realize the fact that if he cheated on you once, he will probably cheat on you again. Are you really Okay with this? Do you really think you can have a long and healthy relationship with him?
2. He didn't accept his mistakes when you found out and decided to block you. He has shown no remorse for his actions. I doubt he even apologized. You are just letting him walk all over you by getting him back.
3. If you've read the 4th step of the 5 step plan, I recommend you continue no contact unless you've realized you can be happy in your life without your ex. It seems you have not yet reached that point. In fact, from your comment, it seems you are still quite miserable without him.
Hey,
In my opinion, you should do NC for at least 3 months. Because
1. He cheated on you and you are still wanting him back. You need to realize the fact that if he cheated on you once, he will probably cheat on you again. Are you really Okay with this? Do you really think you can have a long and healthy relationship with him?
2. He didn't accept his mistakes when you found out and decided to block you. He has shown no remorse for his actions. I doubt he even apologized. You are just letting him walk all over you by getting him back.
3. If you've read the 4th step of the 5 step plan, I recommend you continue no contact unless you've realized you can be happy in your life without your ex. It seems you have not yet reached that point. In fact, from your comment, it seems you are still quite miserable without him.
Hey Kevin,
Its been nearly a year but I don't think my ex gf has properly let me go (as it was a nasty breakup: she went to the police after we argued but has regretted it ever since) but she wont talk to me first as I think she has quite a lot of pride and is afraid of the consequences.
Whereas for me I've actually changed a lot: i.e been WAY more outgoing plus much more sociable and I'm more than certain that she's noticed...(She thought I was needy...lol, I probably was)
Anyway right now shes on holiday and I dont know if I should contact her now or after she is back? Also I might have contact her through her best friend as due to
the warning from the police I guess I'm unable to talk to her directly (I think she went on holiday with her as well but at uses facebook more).
If I do talk to her I'll just send a quick text through facebook. The only problem is that I dont know if she'll reply or not...or try and convince me to text her more without her investing any effort...
Sam
Hey Sam,
I think you should contact her. I don't recommend contacting an ex through a friend, and if possible, you should contact her directly. However, if you think it might get you in trouble with the police, you should do it via her friend.
I also admit I miss her...but I already know that obsession and love is 2 different things, which is why I also moved on and changed a lot...p.s thank you for this website
Hey Sam,
I think you should contact her. I don't recommend contacting an ex through a friend, and if possible, you should contact her directly. However, if you think it might get you in trouble with the police, you should do it via her friend.
I also admit I miss her...but I already know that obsession and love is 2 different things, which is why I also moved on and changed a lot...p.s thank you for this website
Hi Kevin,
Im 19 and my ex is 17, now its one month since she left me (troubles started 2 months ago). Ok i know, that we are preety young, but we had basicly everything, we had sex, we were together all the summer long,... She said that, she dont know what feeling does she have to me. Now she is "dating" one guy, from other part of the country (they see eachother onyl by skype), they were just once together for 2 hours, 1 week after she left me. She text me, only when she needs me (like school, or something), we are not in contact like 1 week,... Time to time she text me, but only for helping her. What should I do? I really love her, and I want her back
Follow the steps in the article.
Follow the steps in the article.
My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago after a 2 and a half year relationship. He said we was having petty arguments. after the break up , one day he will say he wants space and then the next day he doesn't want anything to do with me. Yesterday I found out his on tinder dating app. What should I do ?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
hi Kevin,
Thank you for this awesome article. I broke up with him on the 22nd of May on his birthday. Then he didn't response to me on my break up in txt messages. Instead he still keep on texting me and calling me why am I ignoring me. I broke up with him because of the strange actions he showed up to me. He never invited me on his birthday, he always cancel all our plan to meet each other due to his work, he's ignoring some of my messages like if I asked why he didn't response to my break up with him. When he called I pick it up to answer and then he will say I love you and I miss you. But why does he still saying that though I already broke up with him? 1st attempt to break up with him he really cares about it he calls he txt me then we work it out. 2nd attempt he still did the same but on the 3rd attempt he didn't response about it anymore. I will say that I am very needy in our relationship. I want his attention, his some time. But every time he apologized to his strange act I forgive him immediately coz I value the relationship a lot. But when I figured it out about his secret (he was accusing that he is the father of the pregnant girl he was dating before last year before we meet each other, his financial problems, whenever I tried to come to his place he always changed the topic that he will be the one to come on my place.)
This are the reasons why I decided to broke up with him.
But I need an answer about our break up from him. I know I'm stupid why I let myself waited for his answer.
I am doing now this NC method thank you very much for this awesome and inspiring method, I realized that I really need to make some positive change in myself. I'm now going to a class gym so I'll make myself busy.
Vanessa
Kevin,
I just read relationship rewind and now im confused. I dont know what phase im in. Before i started NC we agreed to be friends but i think we messed up coz we are not healed yet and forced to have our emotions interfere. Is it safe to assume that i am deaths door? She hasnt contacted me since NC. Except when i greeted her happy birthday. Coz she replied. I know ive posted alot. I hope you can answer them coz reconnection day with her is close and i need to be prepared well. Thanks kevin.
Hey Daniel,
You should continue no contact for as discussed in your previous comment and then follow the steps in drift.
Hey Daniel,
You should continue no contact for as discussed in your previous comment and then follow the steps in drift.
Hey,
I blew everything maybe. Today I was eating lunch in my hospital restaurant and that ex's new guy was eating there also. I couldn't control myself and I said to him that I was disappointed that he didn't ask me permission to see my ex but in the end I said all the best for you. He was calm and didn't seem like he was any kind of sorry for me. I don't know what my ex see this guy I think I'm better looking and smarter than him but I know he seem like more manly than me and he is two years older. After work I make another mistake I called my ex and said what happened and I said I have something that I want to give her (it is romantic book "the notebook" where you replaced some pages in own words. That in some websites recommended to give ex if you want her back) she said not tonight and someday it's okay. She also congratulate me on the phone and said that she didn't know was good idea to say that earlier. She doesn't know what that gift is. But I know that it's over there's nothing I can't do but usually I think that everything is possible and I'm not a person who gives up but I have done so many mistakes in relationship and after that. It hurts so much letting go so beautiful girl but if I don't quit everyone thinks i'm insane. This break-up made me so weak and maybe it's best that I don't give her that book and don't answer to her? In the websites there's said that book it's so powerful and you have to be sure that you want your ex back if you give it. If she loves me she doesn't act like this but I know that she enjoys this situation. Somehow I feel that this is some kind of revenge but there is something more in their relationship.
Thank you Kevin! You seem like nice person and you do important work.
Hey Julian,
I don't think you blew everything. You still have a chance. Although, I won't recommend giving her a gift. At least not until you are on the verge of getting back together.
Hey Julian,
I don't think you blew everything. You still have a chance. Although, I won't recommend giving her a gift. At least not until you are on the verge of getting back together.
I split with my boyfriend of 12 years we have 2 children together we split up about 3 months ago and now he is with another girl who he has been with for 2 months they now live together and he is not seeing his children much. He says he is happy and has everything he wants except his children because I dont want her to meet her... I have been nasty with him and done some of your not to do rules... but with having children it's hard... we goy engaged on xmas day as well... now I have come to the point where I have said she can meet the kids I dont care anymore have I done the right thing could you give me some advice in what to do yes I do miss him but I dont no whether I want him back... do you think his new relationship is a rebound in the way he is acting??? Thanks lisa
There's a good chance that it's a rebound. You should do NC. Read this article to learn about NC with kids.
There's a good chance that it's a rebound. You should do NC. Read this article to learn about NC with kids.
kevin i posted another post yesterday, guess you haven't noticed it.could you please respond to it ?
hi kevin! me and my ex boyfriend had been 2yrs more together and we just broke up for almost 3 months but in that 2months we still contact and see each other and many things happened before i decided to do the no contact rule. my no contact period will end up tomorrow. i did all the things that was written in your no contact period like hang out with friends, have a vacation, spa, focus to something like work and so many.. and i did enjoy that.. but after that all even i posted pictures to my fb account theres still no response from my ex boyfriend. and during my no contact period my ex was also happy and enjoying with his friends and with the new girl ive heard he's dating based on his posted pictures on fb. what should i do now after my no contact period to him?
You should get back in touch. Text him or send him the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
I texted him already but he dont reply knowing that he is awake and online. What should i do if he doesnt reply to my text? Thank you kevin..
You should wait a week or two and then try again. If still nothing, you have the option of starting no contact and trying again or concentrate on moving on. I'd recommend the latter.
thank you kevin. but can i ask what should i do now knowing that he is into someone this new girl.. he spends a lot of time with this new girl.. what should i do?
There's nothing much you can do other than what I said above.
There's nothing much you can do other than what I said above.
There's nothing much you can do other than what I said above.
There's nothing much you can do other than what I said above.
There's nothing much you can do other than what I said above.
There's nothing much you can do other than what I said above.
thank you kevin. but can i ask what should i do now knowing that he is into someone this new girl.. he spends a lot of time with this new girl.. what should i do?
thank you kevin. but can i ask what should i do now knowing that he is into someone this new girl.. he spends a lot of time with this new girl.. what should i do?
thank you kevin. but can i ask what should i do now knowing that he is into someone this new girl.. he spends a lot of time with this new girl.. what should i do?
thank you kevin. but can i ask what should i do now knowing that he is into someone this new girl.. he spends a lot of time with this new girl.. what should i do?
You should wait a week or two and then try again. If still nothing, you have the option of starting no contact and trying again or concentrate on moving on. I'd recommend the latter.
You should wait a week or two and then try again. If still nothing, you have the option of starting no contact and trying again or concentrate on moving on. I'd recommend the latter.
You should wait a week or two and then try again. If still nothing, you have the option of starting no contact and trying again or concentrate on moving on. I'd recommend the latter.
I texted him already but he dont reply knowing that he is awake and online. What should i do if he doesnt reply to my text? Thank you kevin..
I texted him already but he dont reply knowing that he is awake and online. What should i do if he doesnt reply to my text? Thank you kevin..
You should get back in touch. Text him or send him the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin,
I never got that email, only the magic letter format, I actually haven't gotten a lot of the emails, like some days I don't get them. Is that supposed to happen. And when do I get the deaths door format?
Thanks
Zach,
The death's door format is in the step 2 of relationship rewind book. I think you already have received the email on magic letter.
Zach,
The death's door format is in the step 2 of relationship rewind book. I think you already have received the email on magic letter.
So I broke my NC after two weeks because my ex was texting me, calling me, writing messages on Facebook and more. He sent me a message Thursday on how he was going to leave me alone and glad I was happy. My friends told me I should just talk to him because I might push him away. At first I debated and I said no I am not going to talk to him but then later that day he invited me to the movies and I agreed to go. I must admit the date was great and felt better than ever. He even called and texted non stop the next day and when he had his flight the next morning to FL he called an told me he he missed me and was thinking about me. While he was in Florida I didn't get a call or text. I saw pictures of how he was in the car with the girl he has been texting and even one of when they went out to eat. I knew that once he got back here he would try to contact. Surprise surprise he has been texting me today trying to get my attention. I haven't texted back and am starting over NC but I'm still not sure if he wants me back or if I am being a fool. Do you really think there is still a chance after that?
Yes, there's a chance. I don't think you need to restart NC since he is already warm to you. However, if you think you need to do NC for yourself, you should do it. You can also let him know that you need some space and time for yourself so he stops texting you.
Yes, there's a chance. I don't think you need to restart NC since he is already warm to you. However, if you think you need to do NC for yourself, you should do it. You can also let him know that you need some space and time for yourself so he stops texting you.
"There’s a chance that it could be a rebound relationship. Like you said, he didn’t leave you for her. It just fueled his decision."
Kevin,
I know he'd still be with me if it wasn't for her. I'm doing crappy on the NC rule. I don't contact him much. I talked to him on the phone on Saturday, and today. He said that he thinks he was able to go so fast into a new relationship because he was starting to distance himself emotionally at the end...because I guess the long distance was "wearing his heart down". But the thing is, in THIS case. He really wants to try with this girl. He told me that. I even gave him solutions to the long distance problem. He still wants to talk to me, he has been answering his phone. He also said he doesn't think he should because he said he doesn't feel right about it because when we talk his feelings for me start to come back. I have been forcing myself to stay unemotional, and talk like how I was before he broke up with me. I told him that I signed up for a dating website and was trying to move on. When I talk to other guys, it's a good distraction and I can forget about all the pain. Which is probably the same for him. He has been hanging out with this girl alot. And I know he likes her. He had always told me I was his "soulmate". I asked him if he thinks this girl is his "soulmate", and he said "i don't know yet." I feel like if I disappear for a long amount of time he will be able to forget about me and move on to her completely. This is so shitty kevin. I know I've been bugging you alot with this...but it's really , really eating my mind!
Hey Natalie,
I don't think he will move on with her. Even though he feels like he wants to work it out with her, it's still a rebound. And chances of a rebound relationship working are always less. So, NC is still your best option as it will give you time to regain your composure and become a happy person, which will make it easier to attract him back.
Kevin,
Should I still do NC if he also has been saying that one reason we shouldn't be talking is because he needs space so that he can finally see me as a friend and forget 'feelings'? I guess that's why I'm afraid to do NC...because I think that we will be severing our connection, and while doing that...he is spending all his time with this other girl and building up their connection/forgetting about me. I guess I'm just afraid that in 30-45 days I'll contact him, and he'll feel nothing for me anymore.
If you keep contacting him, not only will he lose feelings for you, he will also respect you less because of your neediness. You have a better chance of attracting him back by doing no contact.
If you keep contacting him, not only will he lose feelings for you, he will also respect you less because of your neediness. You have a better chance of attracting him back by doing no contact.
If you keep contacting him, not only will he lose feelings for you, he will also respect you less because of your neediness. You have a better chance of attracting him back by doing no contact.
If you keep contacting him, not only will he lose feelings for you, he will also respect you less because of your neediness. You have a better chance of attracting him back by doing no contact.
Kevin,
Should I still do NC if he also has been saying that one reason we shouldn't be talking is because he needs space so that he can finally see me as a friend and forget 'feelings'? I guess that's why I'm afraid to do NC...because I think that we will be severing our connection, and while doing that...he is spending all his time with this other girl and building up their connection/forgetting about me. I guess I'm just afraid that in 30-45 days I'll contact him, and he'll feel nothing for me anymore.
Kevin,
Should I still do NC if he also has been saying that one reason we shouldn't be talking is because he needs space so that he can finally see me as a friend and forget 'feelings'? I guess that's why I'm afraid to do NC...because I think that we will be severing our connection, and while doing that...he is spending all his time with this other girl and building up their connection/forgetting about me. I guess I'm just afraid that in 30-45 days I'll contact him, and he'll feel nothing for me anymore.
Hey Natalie,
I don't think he will move on with her. Even though he feels like he wants to work it out with her, it's still a rebound. And chances of a rebound relationship working are always less. So, NC is still your best option as it will give you time to regain your composure and become a happy person, which will make it easier to attract him back.
Here it is: I was dumped.
Granted, I was dumped gently and with some hint of regret (I like to think), but, nevertheless, I was dumped a little over a week ago.
He and I have been very, very close friends for years, and a couple months after he broke up with his girlfriend (of about two years) we started to really click and have a relationship. I'm aware of the dangers of being a rebound girl, but I never got the feeling that I was dating someone on the rebound, and because we've always been honest and comfortable together, I did talk to him about it. I told him we could wait if he wasn't ready, et cetera et cetera et cetera. He insisted to me that he was very interested in me, and that was the way I always felt around him.
But he's a bit flaky about his feelings.
The day before he broke up with me, he admitted to me that he hadn't felt like "himself" lately, due in part to the fact that he missed his ex-girlfriend. He was the one who had broken up with her, he felt like they weren't compatible, had changed, and didn't get along. But he also told me that he didn't feel like he was ready for a relationship, period, that he didn't know how he felt, and he was sorry for "engaging me" before he was ready.
I'm aware that he reached out to The Ex the other day, and she politely declined talking to him or spending time with him.
I'm also aware from mutual friends that he's been interested in how I am and what I'm feeling.
Knowing him as well as I do, I feel like he's interested in me but still bogged down by thoughts of his ex-girlfriend and guilt and confusion. The man has lots of feelings. I suppose I signed up for that.
What should I do? I'm implementing the no contact rule at the moment, but I'm not sure where to go after that. He's a very, very important person to me and I really would like to rekindle our relationship. It doesn't help that his social media is still crawling with pictures of me, pictures that we took together, pictures I took of him, etc.
What should I think about this situation? (Apologies for the lengthiness.)
I think you should give him some time and space to figure out what he wants. Do NC for at least 2 months and then get back in touch using texts or the letter.
I think you should give him some time and space to figure out what he wants. Do NC for at least 2 months and then get back in touch using texts or the letter.
Kevin,
I just wanted to chime back in and say thank you, as I think your advice has definitely helped ME. In fact, I would recommend your site to anybody dealing with these kinds of issues as there is a lot of psychology involved here... Not only in how to get your girl back, but more/so on how to be a better person.
To give a brief and I mean very brief history, girlfriend of over four years and I broke up recently (close to a month ago now). There were issues in the relationship I felt I caused, but also some communication issues, that yet again, imagine this, I think I definitely fueled greatly. I think it's important for people to realize that no matter what you do, there is always two sides to things. It was so easy for me to blame myself entirely for the entire problem and let those thoughts manifest... To everybody out there, DON'T TORTURE YOURSELF!!! I did it to the point that it made me literally physically ill, the stress and mental trauma was ridiculous. The point of this post isn't to discuss that though, perhaps maybe to give some hope and shed some insight to my friends. I say friends, because we're all here together with a common goal of self-improvement. That is what this is, I feel, because we must look in at ourselves and really be the change we want to see. Especially if you, like me, think you have been a catalyst for issues in your relationship.
First off...
NO. CONTACT. WORKS. It is not my intention to sound sexist or derogatory to the race of women (you're all beautiful!), but to my girl (I can't really call her that at this point though)? This break-up has been nothing but psychological warfare from the start. It was text-book. She created an epic illusion of how powerful she is and how weak and desperate I am. I believe I inflated her ego by how I acted after the relationship and during with my love, telling her she was beautiful, really loving her and showing her that she has worth so much more than she thought. It's funny how that seems to have created an empowered woman that can now tower above me in light of our relationship of four years ending, but you know what? I'm happy she feels better about herself. But, the reality of it is, it's ALL a front. It's a poker-face. The selfies, the social media fiasco, the cold-hearted treatment... I let her sit and spin on that for awhile. It wasn't a week that went by before she contacted ME and it's because I've got my poker face on a little bit better than she does.
Males, when you are entering this scenario you have to play your cards right. It IS a game. Plain and simple. As much as you may think something about yourself or what she might be doing, it probably isn't true. The best part of it all, to make this really workout for YOU, all you have to do is eliminate her for a little while. Replace her with your friends that you probably have forgotten about. In my case, I won that instantly. HER social circles were MY social circles. If you've kept real friends around like I did, this is easy money in the bank. Why? Because your real friends have YOUR back and are looking out for YOU. It's easy to lose sight of that when you put so much into a relationship.
*********Beyond my little speel, I do have a question for ole Kev*********
I'm confused about the timing and the mixed signals. This past weekend, a barrier seemed to come down. After our second week of no contact, and to explain what that means for me, no contact at all, beyond what we had to due to sharing bills... Things were different this past time. I've taken time for myself, gotten a little more serious about my workout/gym routine (I think I'm showing better results than ever), cleaned up my act a bit, and most of all? I'm showing her I can do this all on my own without her help. An alpha male is a provider and that is something I can't say I was to even myself. We moved out and had our first place together (this was years ago, so we've been at it awhile), but I've never done it all on my own, with 110% my own money. Manage my place, my time, my money and keeping the bills afloat has been a huge thing for me. Even as an adult, it was scary to be thrown into life like that without a jacket on. Our usual routine of her picking stuff up from the house and grabbing bill money, turned into her visiting for about an hour and a half. We sat and talked, didn't bring up anything of the relationship (until the very end, I'll get to that) and it was actually... Really great. It felt like we were starting down a really great path. In the time for myself, I've began to lose track of the things that weren't pure with her and I felt she did too. Hopefully, on top of that she sees the positive changes in my life as well. Because honestly, I think this is my one. I don't mean that in some corny, cheesy, Hollywood type of way. But, in a "I'm old enough to recognize something really special" kind of way and that's how I've always felt about her. Since the first day I saw her, I knew something. But, anyways...
She mentioned she would like to see the pets once a week. I was delighted, I think this was a step for her to have an excuse to come and see ME and what I'm up to. Since I love her and want this to work, I'm planning on using this as my time to shine. Our no-contact rule is going to be in place except for these potential one-week sessions. Before she left, she gave me a hug and left and I had to ask how we would handle this with us taking our space. We agreed it would be fine to talk to each other to do this, but would continue the space so we could heal. But, to get to that point, I believe I probably took the conversation in a direction that it shouldn't have went and probably looked like an ass momentarily when I commented on things in the past, albeit very briefly and not at all in a derogatory manner, but to assure her I agreed that this was a good idea. FWIW, I will NOT make that mistake again, I don't think that was the right thing to do, but my mind was scrambling big time as I didn't at all expect her to stay and chat, especially not make any kind of agreement like this.
A friend of mine said, "NO DUDE NO! WRONG MOVE! TELL HER YOU'RE GONNA BE BUSY WHEN SHE TEXTS YOU ON SATURDAY!" I don't really see that being the thing to do here... But, I do think it's important to establish I have my own thing going on. Which, I think is fairly apparent. I'm also mildly concerned that she may not even hit me up at all, should I be the one to nudge at that point? I don't know if that would be viewed as desperate or not, but I'm curious to hear what you think would be the best idea. I got the vibe that she was doing polar opposite of what her online presence said (which believe me, was please-give-me-attention-selfie city) and was probably having a hard time with this as I am. I don't care who "wins" the break-up, but I do care about making things right and I don't want either of us to hurt. Frankly, I hate the mind-games and just want to be real with her. But, I tried that and it didn't workout. What do you think is the best way to handle this at this point? My idea? Play it cool. But, there is a lot that goes with it.
Thanks a lot. Your advice has greatly helped me to keep sane. Please reply, I think you may of missed my other one.
Thank you.
Hey,
I think you are handling everything very well. Play it cool is always the best way to deal with an ex. If she doesn't contact you, you shouldn't contact her. At least until NC isn't over. If she does contact you, and it's about seeing the pets, you should let her see them, as long as you are sure you will be able to handle the situation as well as you did in your prior meeting.
Kevin,
Thank you, I really appreciate your commentary. I hope things can go smoothly, I think each time I'm around her things are a little less awkward so, here's to that becoming a trend. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed for a breakthrough. Last weekend was a big step, but I don't know that that means she is considering anything more with me. What your opinion on that?
Like you said, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to get back together, but yes, it was a good step forward.
Like you said, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to get back together, but yes, it was a good step forward.
Like you said, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to get back together, but yes, it was a good step forward.
Like you said, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to get back together, but yes, it was a good step forward.
Kevin,
Thank you, I really appreciate your commentary. I hope things can go smoothly, I think each time I'm around her things are a little less awkward so, here's to that becoming a trend. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed for a breakthrough. Last weekend was a big step, but I don't know that that means she is considering anything more with me. What your opinion on that?
Kevin,
Thank you, I really appreciate your commentary. I hope things can go smoothly, I think each time I'm around her things are a little less awkward so, here's to that becoming a trend. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed for a breakthrough. Last weekend was a big step, but I don't know that that means she is considering anything more with me. What your opinion on that?
Hey,
I think you are handling everything very well. Play it cool is always the best way to deal with an ex. If she doesn't contact you, you shouldn't contact her. At least until NC isn't over. If she does contact you, and it's about seeing the pets, you should let her see them, as long as you are sure you will be able to handle the situation as well as you did in your prior meeting.
kevin, everyone.
Obviously my ex isnt chasing me. Can you gice me a good excuse why i want to be friends with her? I need to get back on her friendzone and i must be prepared. She might not agree roght away and ask why we should stay friends. I nees to be prepared. She might think i have an agenda wanting to be friends.
Thanks! :)
You shouldn't give her a reason unless she asks. If she does, there are a few sample conversations in the drift stage of relationship rewind which will give you a good idea of what to say.
Daniel,
Kevin has job for himself. You hardly find any web in which the author is so active. I believe he spends 2-3 hours per day to read all our stories and think over it. I truly appreciate his efforts.
Rihanna,
Its been 9 months that I have been in this town. I am one of those people who makes friends so easily but always keeps some distance. I spend most of my day biking in the town and going to gym. About my ex gf, I still don't know why I want to get her back! She was not the best gf I ever had! She was so annoying in the last months. Maybe the weakness is still in me and I should decide to move on. We did not have fights much either because I had turned into a yes-man to avoid any arguments! It was ridiculous of me!
Anyway, I wish both of you happiness and good luck!
Rihanna,
Its okay. Youre doing fine. Im already at my 4th week of nc. Life is not good to me i have other big problems besides my ex bu im still trying to feel better. I have good frienda. And the funny thing is. One of my closest friends is mu ex's older sister. But we agreed that we wont let mu ex know. You know at this point in time in y NC, i still cry especially while driving alone. I cry to te fullest because i want it out of my chest. We are all doing great! There is
Nothing wrong with us. Goodluck to all of us!
Hey friends: Daniel, Rihanna, Dara.
I'm also wondering why my ex is not chasing after me haha. But i dont feel sad nor happy. I dont know. Lol
Hey friends: Daniel, Rihanna, Dara.
I'm also wondering why my ex is not chasing after me haha. But i dont feel sad nor happy. I dont know. Lol
Hey friends: Daniel, Rihanna, Dara.
I'm also wondering why my ex is not chasing after me haha. But i dont feel sad nor happy. I dont know. Lol
Hey friends: Daniel, Rihanna, Dara.
I'm also wondering why my ex is not chasing after me haha. But i dont feel sad nor happy. I dont know. Lol
Rihanna,
Its okay. Youre doing fine. Im already at my 4th week of nc. Life is not good to me i have other big problems besides my ex bu im still trying to feel better. I have good frienda. And the funny thing is. One of my closest friends is mu ex's older sister. But we agreed that we wont let mu ex know. You know at this point in time in y NC, i still cry especially while driving alone. I cry to te fullest because i want it out of my chest. We are all doing great! There is
Nothing wrong with us. Goodluck to all of us!
Rihanna,
Its okay. Youre doing fine. Im already at my 4th week of nc. Life is not good to me i have other big problems besides my ex bu im still trying to feel better. I have good frienda. And the funny thing is. One of my closest friends is mu ex's older sister. But we agreed that we wont let mu ex know. You know at this point in time in y NC, i still cry especially while driving alone. I cry to te fullest because i want it out of my chest. We are all doing great! There is
Nothing wrong with us. Goodluck to all of us!
Daniel,
Clearly my ex is also not chasing me either! All I know is that there has been changes in me! Now, I check updates here more often than FB! LOL Anyway, I have learnt a serious lesson which might be useful in my coming relationships! Also, about keeping hopes: I know that all I have done have been in vain, so lets follow Kevin's advice! He's been in this field for years! That's undeniable! :)
Well kevin isnt replying to our posts. Maybe he is busy.
I'm in the same situation as you guys, I don't understand why my ex just disappeared, no contact, NOTHING since we've split... our break up wasn't because of fight or anything it was due to circumstances and he hasn't messaged me once to tell me how he's doing even though in the beginning I did the crazy thing with texts and calls... This is my second week into NC and the more I think about it the angrier I get at his attitude but I'm determined to look after myself although I think I'm most depressed in the mornings and can't seem to get out of bed before almost midday (nothing too new here, I'm surprised I'm in very good shape hahaha)... I have a plan but I have fear of moving on as well... Good things have been happening in my life and I do count my blessings every day, good family, good health, good looks and few friends (not many friends but I just moved back here and don't seem to like socialising much either) but I do take walks every now and then, sit under a tree and ball my eyes out :'(
I'm in the same situation as you guys, I don't understand why my ex just disappeared, no contact, NOTHING since we've split... our break up wasn't because of fight or anything it was due to circumstances and he hasn't messaged me once to tell me how he's doing even though in the beginning I did the crazy thing with texts and calls... This is my second week into NC and the more I think about it the angrier I get at his attitude but I'm determined to look after myself although I think I'm most depressed in the mornings and can't seem to get out of bed before almost midday (nothing too new here, I'm surprised I'm in very good shape hahaha)... I have a plan but I have fear of moving on as well... Good things have been happening in my life and I do count my blessings every day, good family, good health, good looks and few friends (not many friends but I just moved back here and don't seem to like socialising much either) but I do take walks every now and then, sit under a tree and ball my eyes out :'(
I'm in the same situation as you guys, I don't understand why my ex just disappeared, no contact, NOTHING since we've split... our break up wasn't because of fight or anything it was due to circumstances and he hasn't messaged me once to tell me how he's doing even though in the beginning I did the crazy thing with texts and calls... This is my second week into NC and the more I think about it the angrier I get at his attitude but I'm determined to look after myself although I think I'm most depressed in the mornings and can't seem to get out of bed before almost midday (nothing too new here, I'm surprised I'm in very good shape hahaha)... I have a plan but I have fear of moving on as well... Good things have been happening in my life and I do count my blessings every day, good family, good health, good looks and few friends (not many friends but I just moved back here and don't seem to like socialising much either) but I do take walks every now and then, sit under a tree and ball my eyes out :'(
I'm in the same situation as you guys, I don't understand why my ex just disappeared, no contact, NOTHING since we've split... our break up wasn't because of fight or anything it was due to circumstances and he hasn't messaged me once to tell me how he's doing even though in the beginning I did the crazy thing with texts and calls... This is my second week into NC and the more I think about it the angrier I get at his attitude but I'm determined to look after myself although I think I'm most depressed in the mornings and can't seem to get out of bed before almost midday (nothing too new here, I'm surprised I'm in very good shape hahaha)... I have a plan but I have fear of moving on as well... Good things have been happening in my life and I do count my blessings every day, good family, good health, good looks and few friends (not many friends but I just moved back here and don't seem to like socialising much either) but I do take walks every now and then, sit under a tree and ball my eyes out :'(
Well kevin isnt replying to our posts. Maybe he is busy.
Well kevin isnt replying to our posts. Maybe he is busy.
You shouldn't give her a reason unless she asks. If she does, there are a few sample conversations in the drift stage of relationship rewind which will give you a good idea of what to say.
Daniel,
Kevin has job for himself. You hardly find any web in which the author is so active. I believe he spends 2-3 hours per day to read all our stories and think over it. I truly appreciate his efforts.
Rihanna,
Its been 9 months that I have been in this town. I am one of those people who makes friends so easily but always keeps some distance. I spend most of my day biking in the town and going to gym. About my ex gf, I still don't know why I want to get her back! She was not the best gf I ever had! She was so annoying in the last months. Maybe the weakness is still in me and I should decide to move on. We did not have fights much either because I had turned into a yes-man to avoid any arguments! It was ridiculous of me!
Anyway, I wish both of you happiness and good luck!
Daniel,
Clearly my ex is also not chasing me either! All I know is that there has been changes in me! Now, I check updates here more often than FB! LOL Anyway, I have learnt a serious lesson which might be useful in my coming relationships! Also, about keeping hopes: I know that all I have done have been in vain, so lets follow Kevin's advice! He's been in this field for years! That's undeniable! :)
Hi Kevin,
My ex (he's 30, I'm 26) broke up with me a week ago- For the second time.
We were together for almost two years and for me our relationship was wonderful. We were over each other all the time, he always hold me hand, kissed me, cuddled with me, called and texted me all the time, wanted to be with me all the time.
We moved in together and I moved out the first time we broke up- Which was ten months ago. The break up looked very definite because he even left me a letter saying goodbye and wishing my the best. At that time we didn't have contact for a few weeks, then we met and hooked up again and came back together. Ever since I was most at the time at his house but didn't officially live together with him again.
Since he still hadn't asked me to move back in and since he doesn't talk much about our future as he used to (except of planning trips together or so) I asked him last week about our future and he said he doesn't know because we are fighting too much and that could be bad in the future. IMO we don't fight much at all, we just have the normal kind of arguments sometimes every couple has. But for him that's too much apparently and he doesn't wanna talk about it or solve anything. So a day later he broke up with me again, saying again that we fight too much and that he doesn't think that will be good in the future, that our characters are just too similar when it comes to being stubborn etc. He also said his feelings haven't changed even a bit, that he still loves me as much as before.
We didn't have contact for a week, today I had to text him because I have stuff at his place I need to pick up tomorrow. From tomorrow I won't initiate any contact anymore. Do you think there is any chance he will come back to me? Or does it look like this time it's definite?
There's a chance. You should read the 5 step plan, if you haven't already.
i've read it already. I went to pick up my stuff at his house today and from today I will go to No Contact.
Thing is, when I went to his house today I could see how sad he is about our break up. He had tears in his eyes and everything. So I think he IS already missing me now that I'm gone, but he still wants the break up because he thinks we fight too much.
Do you really think there is a good chance for me to get him back, even a second time?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
i've read it already. I went to pick up my stuff at his house today and from today I will go to No Contact.
Thing is, when I went to his house today I could see how sad he is about our break up. He had tears in his eyes and everything. So I think he IS already missing me now that I'm gone, but he still wants the break up because he thinks we fight too much.
Do you really think there is a good chance for me to get him back, even a second time?
i've read it already. I went to pick up my stuff at his house today and from today I will go to No Contact.
Thing is, when I went to his house today I could see how sad he is about our break up. He had tears in his eyes and everything. So I think he IS already missing me now that I'm gone, but he still wants the break up because he thinks we fight too much.
Do you really think there is a good chance for me to get him back, even a second time?
There's a chance. You should read the 5 step plan, if you haven't already.
Hi Kevin ,
I am leaving posts but they aren't showing . Please help
Hey,
I've replied here.
Hey,
I've replied here.
Hey Kevin, two quick questions now that I'm in the NC period:
1. My ex just texted me for the first time since I started NC about 5 days ago. Just a random question about an app, nothing serious. I obviously didn't respond but it got me thinking that if I should somehow, maybe through one of our common friends, indirectly get knowledge to her that I'm very busy working or training (the changes I want to make in my life) and also trying not to be on my phone as much as possible (something that she hated) and that's why I'm not replying to her texts. I don't want the NC to backfire by she thinking I'm just rudely ignoring her, or that I just don't want to talk to her ever again or that I lost interest in her for good. Should I make sure she knows this? If so, how would you suggest doing it?
2. If still during NC she starts texting or calling me often and actually suggesting or implying she wants us to talk and see each other again or get back together. Should I still ignore all of it or should I take advantage of the fact she's showing interest in me again? If so, how would you suggest going about it?
Thank you very much for everything again, it's really making me deal much better with this situation.
Hey Alex,
I'd suggest you ignore it now. If she continues contacting you, tell her you need some space and time right now and you will get back in touch with her after a while.
Hey Alex,
I'd suggest you ignore it now. If she continues contacting you, tell her you need some space and time right now and you will get back in touch with her after a while.
Kevin, im kind of confused with relationship rewind. I cant undestand all properly.
I think im on deaths door.
Hey Daniel,
What's death's door?
Raed,
Sorry for late reply. Didnt see your comment. Well deaths door is the stage where she rejects you totally. She doest want anything involving you basically. It makes her run away from you 100%.
Raed,
Sorry for late reply. Didnt see your comment. Well deaths door is the stage where she rejects you totally. She doest want anything involving you basically. It makes her run away from you 100%.
Raed,
Sorry for late reply. Didnt see your comment. Well deaths door is the stage where she rejects you totally. She doest want anything involving you basically. It makes her run away from you 100%.
Hey Daniel,
What's death's door?
Kevin, as of this moment im checking my ex's facebook. Not to stalk but to see and investigate how she is doing so i know what to expect when i contact her. And she still is posting quotes about losing someone because you never thought youd lose them. Another good sign right? Lol.
Hi Kevin
My girlfriend and I broke up 2 months back.She accused me of not trusting her because I had questioned her about some guy a few times. Also, we had been facing problems because of my insistence for some physical intimacy via text messages. She did it a few times and enjoyed it but then suddenly started refusing to do it .I repeatedly asked her what had happened all of a sudden but she just said she didn't want it anymore. I lost my temper on a couple of occasions and spoke very rudely to her.
It carried on like this for a month after which I told her to do what was right and take time to consider if she wanted to continue or break up. I have been in no contact since 2 months. She texted me once(after a month of no contact) but didn't talk anything about the relationship. She's still hung up on that text message thing and the fact that I forced her for it after she refused. She told a mutual friend that she's trying but now she's deleted me from her contact list and changed her privacy settings on WhatsApp. I'm at a loss. No contact doesn't seem to help.
You should get back in touch with her. Use the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan and apologize for what happened.
I already did that. She responded well to it. We talked for a week or so but she went cold again. I have texted her 3-4 times after that but she's been giving me the cold shoulder.She keeps telling the mutual friend that she's trying and it will take time but I highly doubt that(after learning that I'm not on her contact list anymore). I have been in NC since 10 days now.
In that case, wait another 10 days and send her text. If she's still cold, I'll recommend you concentrate on moving on.
Should I ask her best friend to talk to her?and ask her if she's really trying or just taking time to cushion the blow.She doesn't want to confront and talk. She avoids it.
Even if I need to move on, I need closure.and I guess there's more to it than she's telling. Some harmless sexting is not enough for her to break up. That I know.
Trying to get to your ex through her friends is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I get what you are saying about closure. However, in many cases, people don't get closure even after meeting their ex. Sometimes, it gives them false hope. Sometimes, it arises more questions. I think the best way to get closure is to just cut her from your life and concentrate on moving on. Whatever her reason for breakup was, in the end, it meant only one thing. That she doesn't want to be with you anymore. And the best thing you can do is accept it and move on. I know what I am telling you right now is much easier said than done. In fact, it's extremely hard to let go of the obsessive thoughts. But I just want you to be prepared for the fact that you may never get the closure you are looking for from her. It will most probably come from within you after a while.
Trying to get to your ex through her friends is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I get what you are saying about closure. However, in many cases, people don't get closure even after meeting their ex. Sometimes, it gives them false hope. Sometimes, it arises more questions. I think the best way to get closure is to just cut her from your life and concentrate on moving on. Whatever her reason for breakup was, in the end, it meant only one thing. That she doesn't want to be with you anymore. And the best thing you can do is accept it and move on. I know what I am telling you right now is much easier said than done. In fact, it's extremely hard to let go of the obsessive thoughts. But I just want you to be prepared for the fact that you may never get the closure you are looking for from her. It will most probably come from within you after a while.
Trying to get to your ex through her friends is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I get what you are saying about closure. However, in many cases, people don't get closure even after meeting their ex. Sometimes, it gives them false hope. Sometimes, it arises more questions. I think the best way to get closure is to just cut her from your life and concentrate on moving on. Whatever her reason for breakup was, in the end, it meant only one thing. That she doesn't want to be with you anymore. And the best thing you can do is accept it and move on. I know what I am telling you right now is much easier said than done. In fact, it's extremely hard to let go of the obsessive thoughts. But I just want you to be prepared for the fact that you may never get the closure you are looking for from her. It will most probably come from within you after a while.
Trying to get to your ex through her friends is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I get what you are saying about closure. However, in many cases, people don't get closure even after meeting their ex. Sometimes, it gives them false hope. Sometimes, it arises more questions. I think the best way to get closure is to just cut her from your life and concentrate on moving on. Whatever her reason for breakup was, in the end, it meant only one thing. That she doesn't want to be with you anymore. And the best thing you can do is accept it and move on. I know what I am telling you right now is much easier said than done. In fact, it's extremely hard to let go of the obsessive thoughts. But I just want you to be prepared for the fact that you may never get the closure you are looking for from her. It will most probably come from within you after a while.
Trying to get to your ex through her friends is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I get what you are saying about closure. However, in many cases, people don't get closure even after meeting their ex. Sometimes, it gives them false hope. Sometimes, it arises more questions. I think the best way to get closure is to just cut her from your life and concentrate on moving on. Whatever her reason for breakup was, in the end, it meant only one thing. That she doesn't want to be with you anymore. And the best thing you can do is accept it and move on. I know what I am telling you right now is much easier said than done. In fact, it's extremely hard to let go of the obsessive thoughts. But I just want you to be prepared for the fact that you may never get the closure you are looking for from her. It will most probably come from within you after a while.
Trying to get to your ex through her friends is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I get what you are saying about closure. However, in many cases, people don't get closure even after meeting their ex. Sometimes, it gives them false hope. Sometimes, it arises more questions. I think the best way to get closure is to just cut her from your life and concentrate on moving on. Whatever her reason for breakup was, in the end, it meant only one thing. That she doesn't want to be with you anymore. And the best thing you can do is accept it and move on. I know what I am telling you right now is much easier said than done. In fact, it's extremely hard to let go of the obsessive thoughts. But I just want you to be prepared for the fact that you may never get the closure you are looking for from her. It will most probably come from within you after a while.
Should I ask her best friend to talk to her?and ask her if she's really trying or just taking time to cushion the blow.She doesn't want to confront and talk. She avoids it.
Even if I need to move on, I need closure.and I guess there's more to it than she's telling. Some harmless sexting is not enough for her to break up. That I know.
Should I ask her best friend to talk to her?and ask her if she's really trying or just taking time to cushion the blow.She doesn't want to confront and talk. She avoids it.
Even if I need to move on, I need closure.and I guess there's more to it than she's telling. Some harmless sexting is not enough for her to break up. That I know.
Should I ask her best friend to talk to her?and ask her if she's really trying or just taking time to cushion the blow.She doesn't want to confront and talk. She avoids it.
Even if I need to move on, I need closure.and I guess there's more to it than she's telling. Some harmless sexting is not enough for her to break up. That I know.
Should I ask her best friend to talk to her?and ask her if she's really trying or just taking time to cushion the blow.She doesn't want to confront and talk. She avoids it.
Even if I need to move on, I need closure.and I guess there's more to it than she's telling. Some harmless sexting is not enough for her to break up. That I know.
In that case, wait another 10 days and send her text. If she's still cold, I'll recommend you concentrate on moving on.
In that case, wait another 10 days and send her text. If she's still cold, I'll recommend you concentrate on moving on.
In that case, wait another 10 days and send her text. If she's still cold, I'll recommend you concentrate on moving on.
I already did that. She responded well to it. We talked for a week or so but she went cold again. I have texted her 3-4 times after that but she's been giving me the cold shoulder.She keeps telling the mutual friend that she's trying and it will take time but I highly doubt that(after learning that I'm not on her contact list anymore). I have been in NC since 10 days now.
I already did that. She responded well to it. We talked for a week or so but she went cold again. I have texted her 3-4 times after that but she's been giving me the cold shoulder.She keeps telling the mutual friend that she's trying and it will take time but I highly doubt that(after learning that I'm not on her contact list anymore). I have been in NC since 10 days now.
You should get back in touch with her. Use the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan and apologize for what happened.
Hi Kevin,
I find your page very interesting. Me and my 6 years bf broke up 2 days ago. He is 27 and so am I, we are planning to have a baby this year. We have a very beautiful relationship with some downs but we struggle and work things out. For the past 2 years, we had a very sweet relationship, everything is in place. Until last week, I found out that hes bee lying behind my back. My work is 8am-6pm and hes working 4pm-1am. Obviously, theres no time for us to see each other everyday. We can only see each other and spend quality time together every Saturday. Everytime he ends his job, he always txt me goodnight and always letting me know hes home already. Until I found out that hes not going home straight and eve not going home to their house for a couple of days. I was so mad, my friend even saw her with another girl eating outside around 2 am. I was so mad at him, I did not talk to him for a couple of days. He says sorry and beg for forgiveness. I even get to a point where I stalk him in his work place to see he has a girl, and as soon as I saw "them" walking towards his car, I confronted him. I asked him why. He said he just fell out of love since the time that I started working and no time to see each other, he even told me to just break it off with me because he dont want to hurt me anymore. He said that i deserve someone better. BTW, the girl is just his office mate and wanted to ride in his car WITH A GROUP. And I know my bf's taste, the girl that I saw is impossible for my bf to like. He cried when I left him that night.
2 nights after, I went out together with my friends (night out). Unfortunately, we saw each other there. He thought I have a company guy so what he did is dance with another girl. I saw it. I was so drunk and so mad. I slapped her. And I even invited him outside to talk, but I beat him up (slap, kick, pull his shirt). And unfortunately his eyes hit the gutter and theres a blood already. We brought him to the hospital (together with my siblings), and the doctors need to stitch his eyelid. My ex's mom is a doctor so we called her right away to check on him. My ex's told his mom that he fell of a cab and hit the gutter. His mom cried as soon as he sees his son.
A day after that, my ex went to our house to show me all the things that Ive done. He told me he hated me so much and he regret the 6 year we had together. He said bad things like "fuck you, cursed me that I hope I suffer, he even told me that its my fault his mom cried. I take full responsibility of my action. I told him that Im very sorry and even begged for forgiveness. I told him that Im not going to do that without any reason. Im just so mad of what he did, but I know what I did t\during that time was too much. I was drunk and so mad thats why I did not control my emotion.
Now he said that he will tell his whole family what really happened and will take legal action towards me. I know that he cant just badmouth me to his family. Last time I even kneel down and begged fr forgiveness, he said that sorry right now is nothing to him,. He said that everytime he feels the pain and he face the mirror hes hatred towards me grow and the love diminish. He told me to go to his family and confront them on what really happened and take full responsibility of my action if Im really sorry which Im willing to do, supposed to be Ill go there tomorrow to confront them but he did not let me.
Do you think we still have chance of being together again? He said he still loves me but every time he feels the pain, the hatred grew. What can i do to bring him back? My conscience is killing me because of what I did. Help me!! What can I do to get him back.
Thanks
There's a chance. You've already apologized so start NC. After that, send him the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan. Right now, he is angry. So it's imperative that you start no contact. If he contacts you, tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if he understands.
Hi again Kevin,
You mean, if he contacted me, I will be the one to ask for some space?
I was the one who did that to him, so he needs the space more than I do. I'm the one who did worst. If I say that to him, he’ll think that I’m turning the table on him. Last night, he texted me that he still loves me but he can’t anymore. Does it mean, its really over? Does it mean he don’t want to be with me anymore?
Hi Kevin,
Just to update you, Saturday morning (6:30am) as I checked my phone, I received 12 missed calls from my ex boyfriend, he was calling me around 5:30 in the morning, but I put my phone on silent thats why I did not hear him calling. Anyways, I tried calling him twice as well because Im thinking it might be emergency thats why hes calling me, he did not answer. After 4 hours, he called, asking if Im calling him, I told him he is the one calling and Im just calling back. he said to just dont mind it and he is just drunk. I said ok. When I checked my other phone,he sent a wrong message, " I was looking for you, as usual you left me if you have somebody", obviously he is with another girl last night. So I replied, I told him to resend the number to the right person and probably its impt for her to know that you are looking for her yesterday. He said that its just a friend, who was introduced my his male friend. He said that he's been seeing the girl for a couple of days already when the incident happened. She left him yesterday because all through out that night, hes drunk and been talking about me. Anyways, for this moment, I dont give a d*mn anymore.
He keeps on texting me how fu*king coward I am for not confronting his family. I actually texted her sister already and plans to meet up yesterday afternoon. Because of his non stop texting telling me how coward I am, I texted her mom asking if I could meet her since I want to say something very important, and she told me to just text the details whatever it is because she is very busy. So I told her everything and apologized wholeheartedly. She said that she doesnt have anything against me and he knows that hes son is also drunk, in short, shes not mad at me or anything, she told me that we time will heal for both of us. I also texted her sister that I cant meet her up anymore and just told her the whole story, just like their mom, she also said she understand what I did,.
When my ex find out that i already told his family, he was shock and maybe not expecting that I can really do it. We talked a little bit, and he told me that Im still in his heart, and if he can call anytime he wants. I feel like everything shuttered. I cant face his family anymore, I cant talk to them anymore because they know what kind of person I am.
Kevin, do you think it is still okay to be with him after his family finds out? Just in case we still try to fix everything will it affect us and our family big time? Or it is better to just give up and leave?
Thank you.
Yes, I do mean that. You can say that you think "we both need some space and time right now". This way it'll not seem like you are being selfish. Besides, the reason you acted the way you acted because you were having a hard time dealing with the breakup. So it's only reasonable that you take some space and time to deal with your feelings and emotions so you don't do something like that again.
Hi Kevin,
I still have a lot of questions in my mind that I want to clear.
We talked about me going at their house to personally confront his whole family and ofcourse to apologize for what I did. That is the best thing that I can think of to show him/them how sorry I am for what I did. He also told me that I have all the courage to beat him up, but I don’t even have the guts to face his family on what I did. I told him, since I wanted to take full responsibility of my action, even though Im so scared to death in facing his family, I will do it just to show him how sorry I am. I also told him that once I told his family everything, that will be the last time that Ill show my face to him and his family, and even though we still want to fix things up, it will be impossible already once I told them everything. So its like, it’s the last string for both of us. We had this conversation 2 days ago, and everyday I keep on asking him what time I can go there to talk to his family. And I didn’t receive any reply since.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I have to push myself to talk to his family since that is the only way that he can forgive me (according to him). Im also thinking what is the reason why he don’t reply everytime I tell him Ill go there and talked to them. Yesterday, I didn’t even go to work just to “finish” what I have to finish, I texted him to text me the time but I did not receive any reply. Im thinking that maybe he don’t want me to confront his family because he knows that we can never be together again once I tell his family the truth. Am I right? Or theres other reason?
He doesn't want you to confront his family. If he wanted his family to know, he would've told them himself. There's still a part of him that wants to get back together. He was just saying it to make you feel bad about yourself.
Do NC. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space. Alternatively, tell him before starting no contact that you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends again at a later time. He will forgive you after a month or two of no contact.
He doesn't want you to confront his family. If he wanted his family to know, he would've told them himself. There's still a part of him that wants to get back together. He was just saying it to make you feel bad about yourself.
Do NC. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space. Alternatively, tell him before starting no contact that you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends again at a later time. He will forgive you after a month or two of no contact.
He doesn't want you to confront his family. If he wanted his family to know, he would've told them himself. There's still a part of him that wants to get back together. He was just saying it to make you feel bad about yourself.
Do NC. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space. Alternatively, tell him before starting no contact that you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends again at a later time. He will forgive you after a month or two of no contact.
He doesn't want you to confront his family. If he wanted his family to know, he would've told them himself. There's still a part of him that wants to get back together. He was just saying it to make you feel bad about yourself.
Do NC. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space. Alternatively, tell him before starting no contact that you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends again at a later time. He will forgive you after a month or two of no contact.
He doesn't want you to confront his family. If he wanted his family to know, he would've told them himself. There's still a part of him that wants to get back together. He was just saying it to make you feel bad about yourself.
Do NC. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space. Alternatively, tell him before starting no contact that you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends again at a later time. He will forgive you after a month or two of no contact.
He doesn't want you to confront his family. If he wanted his family to know, he would've told them himself. There's still a part of him that wants to get back together. He was just saying it to make you feel bad about yourself.
Do NC. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time and space. Alternatively, tell him before starting no contact that you need some time and space to deal with the breakup and hopefully you can be friends again at a later time. He will forgive you after a month or two of no contact.
Hi Kevin,
I still have a lot of questions in my mind that I want to clear.
We talked about me going at their house to personally confront his whole family and ofcourse to apologize for what I did. That is the best thing that I can think of to show him/them how sorry I am for what I did. He also told me that I have all the courage to beat him up, but I don’t even have the guts to face his family on what I did. I told him, since I wanted to take full responsibility of my action, even though Im so scared to death in facing his family, I will do it just to show him how sorry I am. I also told him that once I told his family everything, that will be the last time that Ill show my face to him and his family, and even though we still want to fix things up, it will be impossible already once I told them everything. So its like, it’s the last string for both of us. We had this conversation 2 days ago, and everyday I keep on asking him what time I can go there to talk to his family. And I didn’t receive any reply since.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I have to push myself to talk to his family since that is the only way that he can forgive me (according to him). Im also thinking what is the reason why he don’t reply everytime I tell him Ill go there and talked to them. Yesterday, I didn’t even go to work just to “finish” what I have to finish, I texted him to text me the time but I did not receive any reply. Im thinking that maybe he don’t want me to confront his family because he knows that we can never be together again once I tell his family the truth. Am I right? Or theres other reason?
Hi Kevin,
I still have a lot of questions in my mind that I want to clear.
We talked about me going at their house to personally confront his whole family and ofcourse to apologize for what I did. That is the best thing that I can think of to show him/them how sorry I am for what I did. He also told me that I have all the courage to beat him up, but I don’t even have the guts to face his family on what I did. I told him, since I wanted to take full responsibility of my action, even though Im so scared to death in facing his family, I will do it just to show him how sorry I am. I also told him that once I told his family everything, that will be the last time that Ill show my face to him and his family, and even though we still want to fix things up, it will be impossible already once I told them everything. So its like, it’s the last string for both of us. We had this conversation 2 days ago, and everyday I keep on asking him what time I can go there to talk to his family. And I didn’t receive any reply since.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I have to push myself to talk to his family since that is the only way that he can forgive me (according to him). Im also thinking what is the reason why he don’t reply everytime I tell him Ill go there and talked to them. Yesterday, I didn’t even go to work just to “finish” what I have to finish, I texted him to text me the time but I did not receive any reply. Im thinking that maybe he don’t want me to confront his family because he knows that we can never be together again once I tell his family the truth. Am I right? Or theres other reason?
Hi Kevin,
I still have a lot of questions in my mind that I want to clear.
We talked about me going at their house to personally confront his whole family and ofcourse to apologize for what I did. That is the best thing that I can think of to show him/them how sorry I am for what I did. He also told me that I have all the courage to beat him up, but I don’t even have the guts to face his family on what I did. I told him, since I wanted to take full responsibility of my action, even though Im so scared to death in facing his family, I will do it just to show him how sorry I am. I also told him that once I told his family everything, that will be the last time that Ill show my face to him and his family, and even though we still want to fix things up, it will be impossible already once I told them everything. So its like, it’s the last string for both of us. We had this conversation 2 days ago, and everyday I keep on asking him what time I can go there to talk to his family. And I didn’t receive any reply since.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I have to push myself to talk to his family since that is the only way that he can forgive me (according to him). Im also thinking what is the reason why he don’t reply everytime I tell him Ill go there and talked to them. Yesterday, I didn’t even go to work just to “finish” what I have to finish, I texted him to text me the time but I did not receive any reply. Im thinking that maybe he don’t want me to confront his family because he knows that we can never be together again once I tell his family the truth. Am I right? Or theres other reason?
Hi Kevin,
I still have a lot of questions in my mind that I want to clear.
We talked about me going at their house to personally confront his whole family and ofcourse to apologize for what I did. That is the best thing that I can think of to show him/them how sorry I am for what I did. He also told me that I have all the courage to beat him up, but I don’t even have the guts to face his family on what I did. I told him, since I wanted to take full responsibility of my action, even though Im so scared to death in facing his family, I will do it just to show him how sorry I am. I also told him that once I told his family everything, that will be the last time that Ill show my face to him and his family, and even though we still want to fix things up, it will be impossible already once I told them everything. So its like, it’s the last string for both of us. We had this conversation 2 days ago, and everyday I keep on asking him what time I can go there to talk to his family. And I didn’t receive any reply since.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I have to push myself to talk to his family since that is the only way that he can forgive me (according to him). Im also thinking what is the reason why he don’t reply everytime I tell him Ill go there and talked to them. Yesterday, I didn’t even go to work just to “finish” what I have to finish, I texted him to text me the time but I did not receive any reply. Im thinking that maybe he don’t want me to confront his family because he knows that we can never be together again once I tell his family the truth. Am I right? Or theres other reason?
Hi Kevin,
Just to update you, Saturday morning (6:30am) as I checked my phone, I received 12 missed calls from my ex boyfriend, he was calling me around 5:30 in the morning, but I put my phone on silent thats why I did not hear him calling. Anyways, I tried calling him twice as well because Im thinking it might be emergency thats why hes calling me, he did not answer. After 4 hours, he called, asking if Im calling him, I told him he is the one calling and Im just calling back. he said to just dont mind it and he is just drunk. I said ok. When I checked my other phone,he sent a wrong message, " I was looking for you, as usual you left me if you have somebody", obviously he is with another girl last night. So I replied, I told him to resend the number to the right person and probably its impt for her to know that you are looking for her yesterday. He said that its just a friend, who was introduced my his male friend. He said that he's been seeing the girl for a couple of days already when the incident happened. She left him yesterday because all through out that night, hes drunk and been talking about me. Anyways, for this moment, I dont give a d*mn anymore.
He keeps on texting me how fu*king coward I am for not confronting his family. I actually texted her sister already and plans to meet up yesterday afternoon. Because of his non stop texting telling me how coward I am, I texted her mom asking if I could meet her since I want to say something very important, and she told me to just text the details whatever it is because she is very busy. So I told her everything and apologized wholeheartedly. She said that she doesnt have anything against me and he knows that hes son is also drunk, in short, shes not mad at me or anything, she told me that we time will heal for both of us. I also texted her sister that I cant meet her up anymore and just told her the whole story, just like their mom, she also said she understand what I did,.
When my ex find out that i already told his family, he was shock and maybe not expecting that I can really do it. We talked a little bit, and he told me that Im still in his heart, and if he can call anytime he wants. I feel like everything shuttered. I cant face his family anymore, I cant talk to them anymore because they know what kind of person I am.
Kevin, do you think it is still okay to be with him after his family finds out? Just in case we still try to fix everything will it affect us and our family big time? Or it is better to just give up and leave?
Thank you.
Yes, I do mean that. You can say that you think "we both need some space and time right now". This way it'll not seem like you are being selfish. Besides, the reason you acted the way you acted because you were having a hard time dealing with the breakup. So it's only reasonable that you take some space and time to deal with your feelings and emotions so you don't do something like that again.
Hi Kevin,
Just to update you, Saturday morning (6:30am) as I checked my phone, I received 12 missed calls from my ex boyfriend, he was calling me around 5:30 in the morning, but I put my phone on silent thats why I did not hear him calling. Anyways, I tried calling him twice as well because Im thinking it might be emergency thats why hes calling me, he did not answer. After 4 hours, he called, asking if Im calling him, I told him he is the one calling and Im just calling back. he said to just dont mind it and he is just drunk. I said ok. When I checked my other phone,he sent a wrong message, " I was looking for you, as usual you left me if you have somebody", obviously he is with another girl last night. So I replied, I told him to resend the number to the right person and probably its impt for her to know that you are looking for her yesterday. He said that its just a friend, who was introduced my his male friend. He said that he's been seeing the girl for a couple of days already when the incident happened. She left him yesterday because all through out that night, hes drunk and been talking about me. Anyways, for this moment, I dont give a d*mn anymore.
He keeps on texting me how fu*king coward I am for not confronting his family. I actually texted her sister already and plans to meet up yesterday afternoon. Because of his non stop texting telling me how coward I am, I texted her mom asking if I could meet her since I want to say something very important, and she told me to just text the details whatever it is because she is very busy. So I told her everything and apologized wholeheartedly. She said that she doesnt have anything against me and he knows that hes son is also drunk, in short, shes not mad at me or anything, she told me that we time will heal for both of us. I also texted her sister that I cant meet her up anymore and just told her the whole story, just like their mom, she also said she understand what I did,.
When my ex find out that i already told his family, he was shock and maybe not expecting that I can really do it. We talked a little bit, and he told me that Im still in his heart, and if he can call anytime he wants. I feel like everything shuttered. I cant face his family anymore, I cant talk to them anymore because they know what kind of person I am.
Kevin, do you think it is still okay to be with him after his family finds out? Just in case we still try to fix everything will it affect us and our family big time? Or it is better to just give up and leave?
Thank you.
Yes, I do mean that. You can say that you think "we both need some space and time right now". This way it'll not seem like you are being selfish. Besides, the reason you acted the way you acted because you were having a hard time dealing with the breakup. So it's only reasonable that you take some space and time to deal with your feelings and emotions so you don't do something like that again.
Hi Kevin,
Just to update you, Saturday morning (6:30am) as I checked my phone, I received 12 missed calls from my ex boyfriend, he was calling me around 5:30 in the morning, but I put my phone on silent thats why I did not hear him calling. Anyways, I tried calling him twice as well because Im thinking it might be emergency thats why hes calling me, he did not answer. After 4 hours, he called, asking if Im calling him, I told him he is the one calling and Im just calling back. he said to just dont mind it and he is just drunk. I said ok. When I checked my other phone,he sent a wrong message, " I was looking for you, as usual you left me if you have somebody", obviously he is with another girl last night. So I replied, I told him to resend the number to the right person and probably its impt for her to know that you are looking for her yesterday. He said that its just a friend, who was introduced my his male friend. He said that he's been seeing the girl for a couple of days already when the incident happened. She left him yesterday because all through out that night, hes drunk and been talking about me. Anyways, for this moment, I dont give a d*mn anymore.
He keeps on texting me how fu*king coward I am for not confronting his family. I actually texted her sister already and plans to meet up yesterday afternoon. Because of his non stop texting telling me how coward I am, I texted her mom asking if I could meet her since I want to say something very important, and she told me to just text the details whatever it is because she is very busy. So I told her everything and apologized wholeheartedly. She said that she doesnt have anything against me and he knows that hes son is also drunk, in short, shes not mad at me or anything, she told me that we time will heal for both of us. I also texted her sister that I cant meet her up anymore and just told her the whole story, just like their mom, she also said she understand what I did,.
When my ex find out that i already told his family, he was shock and maybe not expecting that I can really do it. We talked a little bit, and he told me that Im still in his heart, and if he can call anytime he wants. I feel like everything shuttered. I cant face his family anymore, I cant talk to them anymore because they know what kind of person I am.
Kevin, do you think it is still okay to be with him after his family finds out? Just in case we still try to fix everything will it affect us and our family big time? Or it is better to just give up and leave?
Thank you.
Yes, I do mean that. You can say that you think "we both need some space and time right now". This way it'll not seem like you are being selfish. Besides, the reason you acted the way you acted because you were having a hard time dealing with the breakup. So it's only reasonable that you take some space and time to deal with your feelings and emotions so you don't do something like that again.
Hi again Kevin,
You mean, if he contacted me, I will be the one to ask for some space?
I was the one who did that to him, so he needs the space more than I do. I'm the one who did worst. If I say that to him, he’ll think that I’m turning the table on him. Last night, he texted me that he still loves me but he can’t anymore. Does it mean, its really over? Does it mean he don’t want to be with me anymore?
Hi again Kevin,
You mean, if he contacted me, I will be the one to ask for some space?
I was the one who did that to him, so he needs the space more than I do. I'm the one who did worst. If I say that to him, he’ll think that I’m turning the table on him. Last night, he texted me that he still loves me but he can’t anymore. Does it mean, its really over? Does it mean he don’t want to be with me anymore?
There's a chance. You've already apologized so start NC. After that, send him the letter mentioned in the 5 step plan. Right now, he is angry. So it's imperative that you start no contact. If he contacts you, tell him you need some space and time to deal with the breakup and you'll appreciate it if he understands.
Hi Kevin,
I recently posted here (around a week ago).
I have chased her excessively, i really mean way too much.
Things were getting better after 4 months of fight but i really acted desperate.
She had promised me to talk to me after her exams but she did not.
I texted her last on may 15th, i had sent nearly 50 texts out of frustration.
I told her i have her gmail password, i used to stalk her, and one day i found out she was talking to her ex so i changed her facebook password and later she changed it, i also removed her from my friend list (i really made a mistake here i think).
Well i have worked on myself, i don't stalk her now but many times i come across her profile via mutual friends, i can tell she is really very happy. I think the phase where she used to miss me is not here now.
I also came to know that during my no contact period 2 of my friends asked her to talk to me (they did not tell me about this or else i would have never let them do so) and her response was its all over for her and she can't talk to me. What effect will this have i am really sad because of my friends asking her to talk to me.
I have to leave my city on 7th of this month and i will come back on 12th i guess. Should i ask her to meet me before that or should i do it after i am back ?
We both will leave for colleges soon and i want to meet her.
She had said that she does not wants to talk to me at all.
Please can you tell me how should i approach her ? Because i have chased her already.
I am very afraid that she will not even respond to my text when i contact her.
I thought i will say something like "I would like to meet you once before i leave this place."
I am really confused of what to say that she agrees to meet me.
Contact her after 12th. Use the letter mentioned in the plan. If she doesn't contact you after that, wait another week or two and send her the "something reminded me of you" text. Don't send her that message. It seems very serious and it'll make her put up the walls. Whenever you contact her, keep things light.
Hi, i actually have no way to deliver her a hand written letter. Should i contact her via facebook or text message ?
Yes, facebook or email.
Hi Kevin. Today i found out that i will not be able to return on 12th. I might return at the end of the month. What should i do now ?
I want to meet her before we leave for college. Should i message her on 12th and plan a meet later or message her only when i return back ?
Hi Kevin. Today i found out that i will not be able to return on 12th. I might return at the end of the month. What should i do now ?
I want to meet her before we leave for college. Should i message her on 12th and plan a meet later or message her only when i return back ?
Hi Kevin. Today i found out that i will not be able to return on 12th. I might return at the end of the month. What should i do now ?
I want to meet her before we leave for college. Should i message her on 12th and plan a meet later or message her only when i return back ?
Hi Kevin. Today i found out that i will not be able to return on 12th. I might return at the end of the month. What should i do now ?
I want to meet her before we leave for college. Should i message her on 12th and plan a meet later or message her only when i return back ?
Hi Kevin. Today i found out that i will not be able to return on 12th. I might return at the end of the month. What should i do now ?
I want to meet her before we leave for college. Should i message her on 12th and plan a meet later or message her only when i return back ?
Yes, facebook or email.
Yes, facebook or email.
Yes, facebook or email.
Hi, i actually have no way to deliver her a hand written letter. Should i contact her via facebook or text message ?
Hi, i actually have no way to deliver her a hand written letter. Should i contact her via facebook or text message ?
Contact her after 12th. Use the letter mentioned in the plan. If she doesn't contact you after that, wait another week or two and send her the "something reminded me of you" text. Don't send her that message. It seems very serious and it'll make her put up the walls. Whenever you contact her, keep things light.
I decided today to be nosey and look at my ex's facebook. Much to my demise, he changed his profile to one of him and a new girl. He and I never even had a profile picture today and we were supposedly in love. Part of me thinks he is trying to illicit a response from me. It hurts really bad especially seeing friends that I was paraded in front of and had been around often liking the photo. Is this most likely a rebound? I just don't get how someone can be so heartless and vindictive. Literally 2 weeks of being broken up and he pulls this.
Yes, most likely a rebound and it was probably done to get a reaction out of you.
With that said about rebounds, is there still a chance? It is as if nothing has fazed him whatsoever. I know we will end up bumping into each other at some point. I have thrown myself back into the gym working out with a trainer and have taken on a part time job for the summer to give me something to do. I have read your 5 step plan and have been doing no contact and it's weird it is not bothering me too terribly but I still wonder and sometimes think this is a sick test. I don't know. Advice is appreciated.
That's what I keep telling myself especially since this girl does not live here but apparently has come down to visit (southern state and she's from New York). It's just a weird situation being from a small town and having someone mistreat you so badly. We work out at the same gym and luckily I have not run into him yet. The way he has handled and initiated our breakup has been very immature and yet I would probably try again later down the road. What's the best way of dealing with a rebound? A huge part of me says no girl in her right mind will pack up and leave her family and friends to come to a small town in the South, but of course things happen.
With that said about rebounds, is there still a chance? It is as if nothing has fazed him whatsoever. I know we will end up bumping into each other at some point. I have thrown myself back into the gym working out with a trainer and have taken on a part time job for the summer to give me something to do. I have read your 5 step plan and have been doing no contact and it's weird it is not bothering me too terribly but I still wonder and sometimes think this is a sick test. I don't know. Advice is appreciated.
That's what I keep telling myself especially since this girl does not live here but apparently has come down to visit (southern state and she's from New York). It's just a weird situation being from a small town and having someone mistreat you so badly. We work out at the same gym and luckily I have not run into him yet. The way he has handled and initiated our breakup has been very immature and yet I would probably try again later down the road. What's the best way of dealing with a rebound? A huge part of me says no girl in her right mind will pack up and leave her family and friends to come to a small town in the South, but of course things happen.
With that said about rebounds, is there still a chance? It is as if nothing has fazed him whatsoever. I know we will end up bumping into each other at some point. I have thrown myself back into the gym working out with a trainer and have taken on a part time job for the summer to give me something to do. I have read your 5 step plan and have been doing no contact and it's weird it is not bothering me too terribly but I still wonder and sometimes think this is a sick test. I don't know. Advice is appreciated.
That's what I keep telling myself especially since this girl does not live here but apparently has come down to visit (southern state and she's from New York). It's just a weird situation being from a small town and having someone mistreat you so badly. We work out at the same gym and luckily I have not run into him yet. The way he has handled and initiated our breakup has been very immature and yet I would probably try again later down the road. What's the best way of dealing with a rebound? A huge part of me says no girl in her right mind will pack up and leave her family and friends to come to a small town in the South, but of course things happen.
Yes, most likely a rebound and it was probably done to get a reaction out of you.
Kevin,
We broke up like 8 days now. And the last day he just told me he still love me but at the same time he told me that he dont t to be with me right now? Do he really love me I have to many what if's now! Do I need to keep holding it kills me when we are not talking.
He probably still loves you. You should follow the steps.
He probably still loves you. You should follow the steps.
Hi Kevin
Me and my ex broke up at the beginning of November. I dumped him for what I now deem to be stupid reasons. Anyway we didn't really speak properly for a month or so however since February I've been wanting to get back with him we had a chat and he said he was angry with me and didn't like me very much but that he liked me more that month than he did the previous. We talk more or less everyday and he's said he doesn't think we should get back together because of how well our relationship turned out last time, however he still jokes around with me in public, he says slightly mean things to me but in a playful flirtatious way, and my friends say when I'm not looking at him he gives me that look, you know the one you see a guy giving the girl in a film but it's always when she's not looking. Yesterday was my birthday and we had an exam and then we went and sat and saw my friend we were joking around and stuff, I had this sense he was just waiting around for something and then I said to my friend I was gonna go in a min and he started to pack up and then I was leaving and he said "yeah I should go too" well I had a phone call and he was walking behind me and when I got off of it he was like "do you want me to give you a lift to your grans seeing as it's your birthday" he's obviously listened to me telling my friend I was going to see my gran. Anyway I accepted and I just felt this weird feeling towards us. I don't wanna read too much into it but do you think he still has feeling for me?
Yes. Continue staying in touch with him. Act cool. Let him chase you. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Yes. Continue staying in touch with him. Act cool. Let him chase you. Let it be his idea to get back together.
Hey Kevin,
We broke up months ago ( together for more than a year). Yesterday I used the magic letter after no contact period for a month, and she repleid and also apologized and said she was sorry but everything between me and her is behind her and wished me all the best. What to do now?
Wait another week. Send the text. Don't give her the impression that you want to get back together. Start talking to her more and then ask her to hang out.
Wait another week. Send the text. Don't give her the impression that you want to get back together. Start talking to her more and then ask her to hang out.
Hey
My ex and I broke up six months ago after ca two months of "relationship". We never went official due to me not wanting to stress it. He however did want to get together properly.
During Christmas break I was cold and distant and upon our return to college he ended the relationship saying "he had no feelings for me". I was upset, but dignified, no begging or trying to make him stay. He however said more than once that he could not bring himself to leave (my apartement). Texts during Christmas never suggested that HE would end it and he spoke to me on facebook, friendly chatting, the day before. We had one argument during Christmas where I claimed that we were nothing.
We kept in touch after the break up, at first mainly he initiated it later I did. Two times have I told him that I still have feelings and he claim to have feelings aswell but its not enough. He is jealous and very caring still, we still flirt at times.
He, and a friend, also helped out (twice) when I recently moved and he tells me to call him anytime if there is something. He also looks at me alot, even to the point of me having to look away. He have also wanted to talk about the relationship but I have been hesistant. And tought ive said I still have feelings I rarely show it. Two weeks ago he flirted with a girl while staring directly at me :/ later his friends told me he was having a rough time. Later they claimed not to remember it, but they got really weird when I asked about it.
After the break up I've become good friends with many of his mates, and it's not only me who have initiated it. He also asked if one of my friends who was talking to him about me was spying on me.
Tought he claims that my cold and distant behaviour had nothing to do with our break up he seem to appreciate it when I apologize, becomes interested when I speak of how I wanted to text him. He also comments on how he still finds me attractive - to others.
I've been ignoring him this past month and he seem hurt and upset about it.
Now college ends and I don't know where we'll go next (city wise). Do I stand a chance here?
You should talk to him before college ends. Stop being cold towards him. Start hanging out more. You do have a chance.
Do I really stand a chance? I've told him twice that I still have feelings (nothing about getting back together) and he haven't done anything. Should he not have taken a chance then? Or chase me a bit as well? I've become cold after bothe instances.
Also our mutual friends talks alot about my ex to me and asks about my dating life. (Does it mean anything? He has also asked about two months ago)
To complicate things further there is an incident about two months after our breakup. A mutual friend was hospitalized and my ex contacted me to drive him over to feed the dog. Our friend returned and later tried to comit suicide (we found him together). This can also possibly explain why my ex is generous and kind towards me.
And six months have passed - over twice the length of our relationship.
And what can I possibly say? I've spoken to him twice and there has been no results...
Hey,
The way I see it, he is confused and doesn't have any incentive to make a decision. Perhaps, if you start dating someone, or give him an ultimatum, it'll give him the push he needs. However, it's a risky move and might backfire. But yes, there's a chance.
I'm pretty sure that he won't take me back if I give him sn ultimatium. And thought he has been jealous and asked what I look for, if I'm seeing someone and such things I doubt that thats the way to do it.
Hey,
Other than those two options, you can just keep staying in touch with him, hoping he will want to get back together. But how long? How much more time are willing to put into this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life, just hoping he'll come back. What if he never does?
Hey,
Other than those two options, you can just keep staying in touch with him, hoping he will want to get back together. But how long? How much more time are willing to put into this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life, just hoping he'll come back. What if he never does?
Hey,
Other than those two options, you can just keep staying in touch with him, hoping he will want to get back together. But how long? How much more time are willing to put into this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life, just hoping he'll come back. What if he never does?
Hey,
Other than those two options, you can just keep staying in touch with him, hoping he will want to get back together. But how long? How much more time are willing to put into this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life, just hoping he'll come back. What if he never does?
Hey,
Other than those two options, you can just keep staying in touch with him, hoping he will want to get back together. But how long? How much more time are willing to put into this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life, just hoping he'll come back. What if he never does?
Hey,
Other than those two options, you can just keep staying in touch with him, hoping he will want to get back together. But how long? How much more time are willing to put into this? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life, just hoping he'll come back. What if he never does?
I'm pretty sure that he won't take me back if I give him sn ultimatium. And thought he has been jealous and asked what I look for, if I'm seeing someone and such things I doubt that thats the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure that he won't take me back if I give him sn ultimatium. And thought he has been jealous and asked what I look for, if I'm seeing someone and such things I doubt that thats the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure that he won't take me back if I give him sn ultimatium. And thought he has been jealous and asked what I look for, if I'm seeing someone and such things I doubt that thats the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure that he won't take me back if I give him sn ultimatium. And thought he has been jealous and asked what I look for, if I'm seeing someone and such things I doubt that thats the way to do it.
And how to I initiate contact after almost one month of silence?
And at times he seemed really angry when I contacted him right after the breakup... but he is really friendly now (perhaps Im just a friend to him now?)
I did and thought he replies friendly and asks questions back I feel that he gives me to little :/
Use the texts in this article.
I did and thought he replies friendly and asks questions back I feel that he gives me to little :/
Use the texts in this article.
I did and thought he replies friendly and asks questions back I feel that he gives me to little :/
Use the texts in this article.
I did and thought he replies friendly and asks questions back I feel that he gives me to little :/
Use the texts in this article.
I did and thought he replies friendly and asks questions back I feel that he gives me to little :/
Use the texts in this article.
Hey,
The way I see it, he is confused and doesn't have any incentive to make a decision. Perhaps, if you start dating someone, or give him an ultimatum, it'll give him the push he needs. However, it's a risky move and might backfire. But yes, there's a chance.
And how to I initiate contact after almost one month of silence?
And at times he seemed really angry when I contacted him right after the breakup... but he is really friendly now (perhaps Im just a friend to him now?)
Hey,
The way I see it, he is confused and doesn't have any incentive to make a decision. Perhaps, if you start dating someone, or give him an ultimatum, it'll give him the push he needs. However, it's a risky move and might backfire. But yes, there's a chance.
And how to I initiate contact after almost one month of silence?
And at times he seemed really angry when I contacted him right after the breakup... but he is really friendly now (perhaps Im just a friend to him now?)
Hey,
The way I see it, he is confused and doesn't have any incentive to make a decision. Perhaps, if you start dating someone, or give him an ultimatum, it'll give him the push he needs. However, it's a risky move and might backfire. But yes, there's a chance.
And how to I initiate contact after almost one month of silence?
And at times he seemed really angry when I contacted him right after the breakup... but he is really friendly now (perhaps Im just a friend to him now?)
Do I really stand a chance? I've told him twice that I still have feelings (nothing about getting back together) and he haven't done anything. Should he not have taken a chance then? Or chase me a bit as well? I've become cold after bothe instances.
Also our mutual friends talks alot about my ex to me and asks about my dating life. (Does it mean anything? He has also asked about two months ago)
To complicate things further there is an incident about two months after our breakup. A mutual friend was hospitalized and my ex contacted me to drive him over to feed the dog. Our friend returned and later tried to comit suicide (we found him together). This can also possibly explain why my ex is generous and kind towards me.
And six months have passed - over twice the length of our relationship.
And what can I possibly say? I've spoken to him twice and there has been no results...
Do I really stand a chance? I've told him twice that I still have feelings (nothing about getting back together) and he haven't done anything. Should he not have taken a chance then? Or chase me a bit as well? I've become cold after bothe instances.
Also our mutual friends talks alot about my ex to me and asks about my dating life. (Does it mean anything? He has also asked about two months ago)
To complicate things further there is an incident about two months after our breakup. A mutual friend was hospitalized and my ex contacted me to drive him over to feed the dog. Our friend returned and later tried to comit suicide (we found him together). This can also possibly explain why my ex is generous and kind towards me.
And six months have passed - over twice the length of our relationship.
And what can I possibly say? I've spoken to him twice and there has been no results...
You should talk to him before college ends. Stop being cold towards him. Start hanging out more. You do have a chance.
Hey Kevin,
Me and my ex broke up a few months ago after our five year relationship since she "didn't feel "in love" anymore". It was about a month and a half after our break up she started seeing a guy at her work who also just gotten out of a long-term relationship. She was trying to keep her seeing him a secret from me since I had asked her multiple times if she was seeing someone and she replied no. The same day she told me, she told me that she thinks about me and our relationship on a daily basis. I decided to do NC (Which I should have done much earlier) and she texted me a week later asking how I was doing. It's been two weeks since ive talked to her last and yesterday she showed up at the PRIVATE park I live on (since she had a pass from when we were together) and decided to hang out with him right where I would see her. There're literally three parks, on the same lake, that are within walking distance of where she's living. Why come to the one out of your way and 30 seconds from your exs house? She says she's over me and moved on, which is fine with me, but shows differently when doing things like that. Do I just keep applying no contact or should I just move on with my life for good?
Keep applying no contact for at least 2-3 months. Whether or not you should move on is upto you and you will be able to make a better decision after 2-3 months of no contact.
This seems to be a recurring problem she has. She also left me a year ago, same situation, excuses, different dude. All the while, still posting pictures on her Facebook about how everything gets better.
Thanks, Kevin!
This seems to be a recurring problem she has. She also left me a year ago, same situation, excuses, different dude. All the while, still posting pictures on her Facebook about how everything gets better.
Thanks, Kevin!
This seems to be a recurring problem she has. She also left me a year ago, same situation, excuses, different dude. All the while, still posting pictures on her Facebook about how everything gets better.
Thanks, Kevin!
Keep applying no contact for at least 2-3 months. Whether or not you should move on is upto you and you will be able to make a better decision after 2-3 months of no contact.
Kevin,
Your articles have been really helpful. My bf of 9 months left me just 3 days ago. I of course was a sobbing begging mess on the phone when he did it but since then I have had NO contact with him. Should I say that is the start of the 30 days or start it at a later date? I am in the process of working on me. Got my gym membership and have friends who are offering to be my gym buddy so when the texting phase comes around and I use the thanking him for what he did line you mentioned could I slightly brag about my weight loss or just WOW him if I get the chance to see him? What should I do if he asks for a pic before we meet? Again, I love these articles! Thank you!
You no contact started when you last contacted him. I like the idea of you wowing him better than telling him over texts.
You no contact started when you last contacted him. I like the idea of you wowing him better than telling him over texts.
Kevin,
I am 25 and shes 23. Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 1.5 years. We broke up about 4 month ago. This relationship was also a long distance relationship. and i am my ex's first (not sure if this part is relevant at all).
The relationship was going really good until her mom had a problem with it and she basically wanted to take a break. During that time she asked us to talk less and asked us to discontinue Skype. At first i didn't know the reason behind it and i couldn't fathom why. I started being pushy rather then give her space. I eventually broke up with her because i felt like the relationship was dying. Post break we tried to remain friends and we sent each other text every other day to every other week and at times shes told me she missed me. i guess this sent me a lot of mixed signals and made me feel guilty that i was pushy and ended things too early and asked her if she wants to get back together. She told me no and shes use to the idea of being single now and shes done with relationships for a while. She said right after the break up she really wanted to get back together and wish i had called but since i never did she gave up. I asked her i got the vibe that you wanted to be together again and she said i wasn't wrong but i just don't want to be in a relationship anymore. I tried this twice both time she gave me an no and asked if we could remain friends. I told her the idea of remaining friends is too hard at the moment and i need some time. So i basically started the no contact period. Two days immediately after i told her i needed time she emailed me and sent me texts to ask me simple questions like how to make a mixed liquor drink. I answered but told her i needed time.
After this time we haven't spoken for 2 weeks and i decided to send her a congrats on her graduation which she never responded to. I then resumed no contact for a month. About a few days after the month i wrote her the letter that was in the 5 step plan but the day after she sent me a text saying sorry to bother you but she had her school mail her diploma to my house and if she could get it back and a package for me arrived at her house and asked how she should ship it to me. i responded and tried to continue with small chitchat through meaningful text which she just gave one word answers for. I didn't see the point in keep trying so after her last reply i didn't text her again for a several days. I sent her a text again but this time she responded with more than one word. i would say it was all around an positive response. she didn't ask me any open ended question in return she basically just replied me with a statement. i tried to continue the conversation then she didn't reply and i haven't talked to her since. She usually takes more than an hour to respond to me and same with me between all these texts.
I'm sure the letter still hasn't arrived at her house yet since it was mailed only last Friday. i didn't FedEx it or ups it was just through standard mail.
I guess my question is should i continue no contact? And is the letter important anymore? since i mailed it at the same time we started engaging in conversation again? how do i know if she got the mail if she never responds to it? and finally what are my chances of getting back with her?
You should continue no contact for another week, unless she contacts you again. Yes, the letter will still do it's job. The only thing I can say is that you do have a chance. But if things don't work out this time, you should move on.
Hey Kevin,
I did no contact for another week and afterwards we got into contact with each other and she asked me isn't it weird that I am contacting her again after such a long time. She went on to say I originally broke up with her then said I'll remain friends then changed my mind. Then i did it again because we couldn't get back together. Then finally a month of no contact and now i am contacting her again. She says she doesn't want to go through the same thing again. My response was basically what i had said to her in my mail. I told her i am not mad nor do i disagree with her choice of not wanting to get back together. I just needed time to heal. My intention was never to not talk to you again and i was sorry for putting her through all that. Afterwards she said i am not bothered by you contacting me but it will take time. I have sent her few texts since then, which she sometimes responds and sometimes don't. Even though she says shes she is extremely busy we usually chat for a few minutes then i let her go. I know she is extremely busy during this summer. She has two summer classes and studying for all 4 of her CPA exam. However, through out these three weeks i have been the one to always initiate conversations. She will always pick up my phone calls but probably respond to only 75% of my texts. I'm guessing shes not sure what to say when i text her.
My question is do you still think i have a shot? If its a text she doesn't respond to is that OK? i am using the text which was taught to us in Step 5. Also, is it OK if i am the one to always initiate conversation? How do you think i should proceed now?
Thank you!
Hey Kevin,
I did no contact for another week and afterwards we got into contact with each other and she asked me isn't it weird that I am contacting her again after such a long time. She went on to say I originally broke up with her then said I'll remain friends then changed my mind. Then i did it again because we couldn't get back together. Then finally a month of no contact and now i am contacting her again. She says she doesn't want to go through the same thing again. My response was basically what i had said to her in my mail. I told her i am not mad nor do i disagree with her choice of not wanting to get back together. I just needed time to heal. My intention was never to not talk to you again and i was sorry for putting her through all that. Afterwards she said i am not bothered by you contacting me but it will take time. I have sent her few texts since then, which she sometimes responds and sometimes don't. Even though she says shes she is extremely busy we usually chat for a few minutes then i let her go. I know she is extremely busy during this summer. She has two summer classes and studying for all 4 of her CPA exam. However, through out these three weeks i have been the one to always initiate conversations. She will always pick up my phone calls but probably respond to only 75% of my texts. I'm guessing shes not sure what to say when i text her.
My question is do you still think i have a shot? If its a text she doesn't respond to is that OK? i am using the text which was taught to us in Step 5. Also, is it OK if i am the one to always initiate conversation? How do you think i should proceed now?
Thank you!
Hey Kevin,
I did no contact for another week and afterwards we got into contact with each other and she asked me isn't it weird that I am contacting her again after such a long time. She went on to say I originally broke up with her then said I'll remain friends then changed my mind. Then i did it again because we couldn't get back together. Then finally a month of no contact and now i am contacting her again. She says she doesn't want to go through the same thing again. My response was basically what i had said to her in my mail. I told her i am not mad nor do i disagree with her choice of not wanting to get back together. I just needed time to heal. My intention was never to not talk to you again and i was sorry for putting her through all that. Afterwards she said i am not bothered by you contacting me but it will take time. I have sent her few texts since then, which she sometimes responds and sometimes don't. Even though she says shes she is extremely busy we usually chat for a few minutes then i let her go. I know she is extremely busy during this summer. She has two summer classes and studying for all 4 of her CPA exam. However, through out these three weeks i have been the one to always initiate conversations. She will always pick up my phone calls but probably respond to only 75% of my texts. I'm guessing shes not sure what to say when i text her.
My question is do you still think i have a shot? If its a text she doesn't respond to is that OK? i am using the text which was taught to us in Step 5. Also, is it OK if i am the one to always initiate conversation? How do you think i should proceed now?
Thank you!
You should continue no contact for another week, unless she contacts you again. Yes, the letter will still do it's job. The only thing I can say is that you do have a chance. But if things don't work out this time, you should move on.
So I'm new to this whole playing the break up game and I need major help PLEASE! My now ex GF and I have known each other and been attracted for about 7 years but we never made a move until about 8 months ago. Everything was great for the first month we moved out of state together the works. Now 8 months later we are already broken up and I've moved to my own place. She hasn't forgiven me for lying to her about stupid conversations with my ex that I didnt think we're important. She was trying to make me pay for it for the past 7 months until I recently got fed up with her constant speeches that I should in essence be grovelling to win her back although she now tells me that she never promised I could win her back and that I should have wanted to prove myself whether she took me back or not (total BS in my book).
Now that we have split, when I go back to the house to take care of my dogs until I can find them somewhere to stay while I'm couch hoping, she has mean remarks to make and snide comments and is just plain mean to me and tells me she has no respect for me and has nothing to say to me. We can't even be in the same room without her making smart comments about any and everything. I want to rekindle the relationship but I don't want to be beat over the head for my mistakes either. But now I just found out she is already entertaining someone else and doing the FB posts about how great life is, etc. Do I have a chance and what am I supposed to do now? Ughhh thoroughly confused.
You do have a chance. However, I cannot guarantee that she will learn to let go of the past and she won't use those mistakes in every argument you'll have in the future.
You do have a chance. However, I cannot guarantee that she will learn to let go of the past and she won't use those mistakes in every argument you'll have in the future.
Hi Kevin,
My gf just told me she getting her own place with my daughter. I havent contact her about anything unless its about my daughter. She's been texting me everyday about her stuff, money, xbox and how my daughter doing when shes with me. I been polite and nice to her when she text about my daughter. She texted me today saying she is happy with her life and she doesnt need anyone to interrupt her and my daughter. But at the same time she is still dating her bf of 3-4 months. My friends did tell me she put her instagram on public now and once and awhile she put it back to private. Not to sure what she is doing. But i do miss her a lot. Sometimes i even ignore her text when its not about my daughter. And sometimes she will try to argue and start a fight for dumb reasons. What should i do from here Kevin?
OK, things are improving. I think you should continue like this for another month or two. Then start talking to her more. Not just about your daughter. And then eventually ask her to hang out.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today she told me that she is making spare ribs which are my favorite and she knows that from the time we were together. She said there will be leftovers and asked if i wanted some when i pick up my daughter on Sunday. I didn't reply right away. I waited a couple of hours and replied " Okay, Thanks!" Do you think she is really happy with her life as in her new bf. And she is moving to her own place. Which i know her bf will be there all the time when i have my daughter. lol. Should i just let it be and leave it alone when deep down i know i cant control what she does with her new. Thank you Kevin.
Leave it alone for a couple of months. Then start talking and flirting with her.
Hi Kevin,
Last question my ex gf keep asking about her money that i owe her. I do pay her every month until this day. You think she is just using it as a excuse to text me or she just want her money back. She said that just pay me already so she wont have to deal with me anymore. What do you think about that? Thank you.
It's hard to say. Doesn't really matter though.
It's hard to say. Doesn't really matter though.
It's hard to say. Doesn't really matter though.
It's hard to say. Doesn't really matter though.
It's hard to say. Doesn't really matter though.
It's hard to say. Doesn't really matter though.
Hi Kevin,
Last question my ex gf keep asking about her money that i owe her. I do pay her every month until this day. You think she is just using it as a excuse to text me or she just want her money back. She said that just pay me already so she wont have to deal with me anymore. What do you think about that? Thank you.
Hi Kevin,
Last question my ex gf keep asking about her money that i owe her. I do pay her every month until this day. You think she is just using it as a excuse to text me or she just want her money back. She said that just pay me already so she wont have to deal with me anymore. What do you think about that? Thank you.
Hi Kevin,
Last question my ex gf keep asking about her money that i owe her. I do pay her every month until this day. You think she is just using it as a excuse to text me or she just want her money back. She said that just pay me already so she wont have to deal with me anymore. What do you think about that? Thank you.
Hi Kevin,
Last question my ex gf keep asking about her money that i owe her. I do pay her every month until this day. You think she is just using it as a excuse to text me or she just want her money back. She said that just pay me already so she wont have to deal with me anymore. What do you think about that? Thank you.
Leave it alone for a couple of months. Then start talking and flirting with her.
Leave it alone for a couple of months. Then start talking and flirting with her.
Leave it alone for a couple of months. Then start talking and flirting with her.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today she told me that she is making spare ribs which are my favorite and she knows that from the time we were together. She said there will be leftovers and asked if i wanted some when i pick up my daughter on Sunday. I didn't reply right away. I waited a couple of hours and replied " Okay, Thanks!" Do you think she is really happy with her life as in her new bf. And she is moving to her own place. Which i know her bf will be there all the time when i have my daughter. lol. Should i just let it be and leave it alone when deep down i know i cant control what she does with her new. Thank you Kevin.
Good Morning Kevin,
Today she told me that she is making spare ribs which are my favorite and she knows that from the time we were together. She said there will be leftovers and asked if i wanted some when i pick up my daughter on Sunday. I didn't reply right away. I waited a couple of hours and replied " Okay, Thanks!" Do you think she is really happy with her life as in her new bf. And she is moving to her own place. Which i know her bf will be there all the time when i have my daughter. lol. Should i just let it be and leave it alone when deep down i know i cant control what she does with her new. Thank you Kevin.
OK, things are improving. I think you should continue like this for another month or two. Then start talking to her more. Not just about your daughter. And then eventually ask her to hang out.
This sort of thing does not always work
That's the first thing I say in the article.
That's the first thing I say in the article.
Hi Kevin,
I posted a comment/emailed you on the 31 of May and haven't heard back from you. Can't find any respond. Shall I try again? It is very important to me….
Alicia,
Your comment is here.
Alicia,
Your comment is here.
Hey Kevin & everyone,
I'm in a sticky situation and not sure whether to use No Contact or not. My guy and I were in the regretful predicament of starting a relationship while we were both married. Now the cat's out of the bag, and we have both separated from our spouses. Our connection has always been fantastic, but since we've separated from our respective spouses, things have been shaky. There's a lot of guilt and drama going on with both our spouses. We've been having long deep phone conversations and texting regularly throughout the whole ordeal, but my guy is not comfortable seeing me in person right now. He has not asked for time or space, but he's very clear about not seeing each other in person at the moment. His concern is that his wife will find out and be more hurt. I've played it cool and pretended to agree with him. This behavior seems like a flag, and I don't want to lose him. Should I treat his distance like a breakup and proceed with No Contact? I want to have a real relationship with this man, and I want to do it the right way. Perhaps No Contact will give both of us time to sort out what we want? Or do you think I should continue to talk to him regularly and just give it time?
Don't treat it like a breakup. But yes, some time and space will help you both. You should discuss it with him before starting no contact though.
Don't treat it like a breakup. But yes, some time and space will help you both. You should discuss it with him before starting no contact though.
Kevin, I'm a bit confused. I read this entire article and began following it closely, and I was pretty confident in it. I signed up for your daily e-mails and today you sent one with a link to Ryan's Relationship Rewind program. I opened it, checked the whole thing out, and became confused really soon because he actually warns against the no-contact rule. He goes to describe it as:
"The now obsolete, but common belief that you should cut off all communication with your ex-partner to get them back, meanwhile ‘praying’ behind the scenes that they do come back to you. This has a very mild effect of making your partner feel as if they miss you. However, since it does not handle the ‘real reason’ for the breakup in the first place, it won’t work in the long term."
I really care about this woman and that's why I'm looking for help. I don't want to do anything that slims my chances of getting her back. Please clarify things for me a little bit because NC is the core concept of this article during the immediate time following the break-up, which is where I am right now. Thank you!
Hey John,
I know it's a little confusing. Actually, Ryan does recommend no contact if you are in the death's door stage. However, I recommend no contact even if you are in drift stage. And then use the tactics in relationship rewind to get back in touch and build attraction. The reason I recommend no contact is not because it'll fix things magically but because it'll give you time to regain your composure and realize whether or not getting back together is a good idea.
Hey John,
I know it's a little confusing. Actually, Ryan does recommend no contact if you are in the death's door stage. However, I recommend no contact even if you are in drift stage. And then use the tactics in relationship rewind to get back in touch and build attraction. The reason I recommend no contact is not because it'll fix things magically but because it'll give you time to regain your composure and realize whether or not getting back together is a good idea.
How many emails will i get? I think i might contact her after receiving the last email.
Should i text her of "something remind me of" message? Or wish her goodluck because her dentistry proper classes will start soon? Or should i put it as one message?
Also if ever i establish contact or i meet her, I think she will not open up to me yet. The probable scenario is me doing the talking. Should i ask her about her? Though she might give minimal answer or not answer it at all. Or should i talk about me? As much as possible i dont want to talk about me without her asking. And i want her to notice the change instead of me saying it.
Is it also okay if i compliment her first on our first meeting like "wow you look amaZing"? Is it okay?
Another thing, not sure if you read it. But when she broke up with me. She said
She want space, time, and insependence. She feels incomplete because she feels like she doesnt know herself anymore like she has no self identity and she doesnt want us to be dependent on each other." Now i know that while im healing she also is healing. What if she says that she is happy now even without me and that she doesnt need me? Do i still get a chance? It seems that shes so eager to prove to herself that se can live alone and without me.
Will thrilling and exciting memories be effective?Because thats what we have a lot.
Actually i accidentally texted her reminder texts before. She seems to be responding if i text her that but that was way before i started nc. I also read in textyourexback that these messages are only effective if you have performed NC.
I plan to take it slow in my situation. U think its wise to make her beleive that i have moved on and gave up the chase? Just be friends first so i can open communication and comfort to the point where she reaches out to me also. So i can drop the "bombs" which will hopefully escalate me to the next level.
What do u think about this kev?
Thanks dor the response. :)
Although i have other big problems. I try yo stay confident and juat accept them and accept myslef insteas of being depressed over them. Thankyou so much. :)
We have an event coming soon where we will both be present. Should I just try to talk to her there in person? I was thinking probably just small talk unless she really opens up and seems warm to me. But it would just kill me inside if she responded coldly (or if she brought a date). So the text messages may have to wait. Does this seem like a solid plan?
Sorry to ask for so much advice; but this is really important to me. I'm really picky with my women (not for looks but for personality and such) and I've never talked to any girl before her that honestly had everything I was looking for. I really don't want to screw this up.
One more question. So the plan that you give first of all was very helpful. However, I have an issue. I want to show her the things that I want to work on for myself so that I can make whomever I date much happier. But I can't show her these things unless we go on dates. For example, I never wanted to schedule events with her far in the future because I wasn't sure how my schedule would work. It made her feel unimportant. How do I show her these things?
Hey D,
It does sound like a good plan. When you start hanging out with her, it will almost be like you are dating. At that time, she will realize those things herself.
Hey D,
It does sound like a good plan. When you start hanging out with her, it will almost be like you are dating. At that time, she will realize those things herself.
Just wanted to say thanks for all your advice. I asked my ex to meet up and he agreed (we are meeting for lunch during the work week which is probably a good thing for the first meeting, right? - short and sweet). I think it was all your advice working.. the NC period had him missing me in his life (he mentioned something about hoping I would contact him), then my initial contact after NC in which I mentioned that I agreed that the relationship needed to end (and I meant it - I was thinking of the old one we had, and it did need to end.. and am now thinking of anything we start as being new and better). To anyone reading this, I think this part is crucial because even though we have been in touch, it keeps him from thinking I am trying to get back together when I send him emails and texts, and then asked him to hang out. I think if I hadn't, he might be more hesitant or suspicious about agreeing to meeting up. The NC period also allowed me to feel better about the breakup and work on myself - I don't feel like I "need" him and am content right now with being single again. I plan to go into all of this sussing him out and sussing out how we interact in person and whether getting back together again is even something I want anymore. It will depend on our interaction when we meet. I don't feel like I am attached to the outcome of us getting back together. Thanks for all your support, Kevin!
Hey Ruth,
That's great. I love your attitude and this is exactly the type of attitude I recommend people to reach before ending no contact. All the best.
Thanks, Kevin! I read some others' comments and I can see they are at an earlier stage (not dependent on time passed, but where their head is at).. and I can recognize those same feelings I may have had too. You really do need to make sure you are at a good enough place about yourself and your own life without your ex before you can pursue a new relationship with them, or even decide if that is what you really want. You cannot do NC as a formality and still be obsessing over them or just counting the days until you can contact them again (which I admit I was - I should have truthfully done NC longer). However, the email and texting time frame has been longer than I originally wanted (about 2 weeks now) which is good because it bought me more time before I see him in person, and more time means even more healing time for me.
I don't "need" my ex anymore, but if the opportunity arises to get back together and all other factors are good when we meet up, then I plan to take it slowly and let things unfold naturally. I don't want the old relationship, but I want to start over - and that includes seeing whether things can work out between us. The reason I am open to starting over with him is that I think we are a good fit, and the issues we had can be improved, so I see the potential - but I won't really know for sure until we meet and I see how we interact with each other. Anyway, thanks, and good luck to everyone!
Also, I plan to date other people while I am hanging out with him (and dating him? I'll see how it goes when we meet). I am going to take it really slow and not jump in so quickly.
All that said, it turns out I am meeting him tomorrow now and I am really nervous about it. :/
Sounds good to me. I am sure you are going to do great. :)
All that said, it turns out I am meeting him tomorrow now and I am really nervous about it. :/
Sounds good to me. I am sure you are going to do great. :)
All that said, it turns out I am meeting him tomorrow now and I am really nervous about it. :/
Sounds good to me. I am sure you are going to do great. :)
All that said, it turns out I am meeting him tomorrow now and I am really nervous about it. :/
Sounds good to me. I am sure you are going to do great. :)
All that said, it turns out I am meeting him tomorrow now and I am really nervous about it. :/
Sounds good to me. I am sure you are going to do great. :)
Also, I plan to date other people while I am hanging out with him (and dating him? I'll see how it goes when we meet). I am going to take it really slow and not jump in so quickly.
Also, I plan to date other people while I am hanging out with him (and dating him? I'll see how it goes when we meet). I am going to take it really slow and not jump in so quickly.
Also, I plan to date other people while I am hanging out with him (and dating him? I'll see how it goes when we meet). I am going to take it really slow and not jump in so quickly.
Thanks, Kevin! I read some others' comments and I can see they are at an earlier stage (not dependent on time passed, but where their head is at).. and I can recognize those same feelings I may have had too. You really do need to make sure you are at a good enough place about yourself and your own life without your ex before you can pursue a new relationship with them, or even decide if that is what you really want. You cannot do NC as a formality and still be obsessing over them or just counting the days until you can contact them again (which I admit I was - I should have truthfully done NC longer). However, the email and texting time frame has been longer than I originally wanted (about 2 weeks now) which is good because it bought me more time before I see him in person, and more time means even more healing time for me.
I don't "need" my ex anymore, but if the opportunity arises to get back together and all other factors are good when we meet up, then I plan to take it slowly and let things unfold naturally. I don't want the old relationship, but I want to start over - and that includes seeing whether things can work out between us. The reason I am open to starting over with him is that I think we are a good fit, and the issues we had can be improved, so I see the potential - but I won't really know for sure until we meet and I see how we interact with each other. Anyway, thanks, and good luck to everyone!
Thanks, Kevin! I read some others' comments and I can see they are at an earlier stage (not dependent on time passed, but where their head is at).. and I can recognize those same feelings I may have had too. You really do need to make sure you are at a good enough place about yourself and your own life without your ex before you can pursue a new relationship with them, or even decide if that is what you really want. You cannot do NC as a formality and still be obsessing over them or just counting the days until you can contact them again (which I admit I was - I should have truthfully done NC longer). However, the email and texting time frame has been longer than I originally wanted (about 2 weeks now) which is good because it bought me more time before I see him in person, and more time means even more healing time for me.
I don't "need" my ex anymore, but if the opportunity arises to get back together and all other factors are good when we meet up, then I plan to take it slowly and let things unfold naturally. I don't want the old relationship, but I want to start over - and that includes seeing whether things can work out between us. The reason I am open to starting over with him is that I think we are a good fit, and the issues we had can be improved, so I see the potential - but I won't really know for sure until we meet and I see how we interact with each other. Anyway, thanks, and good luck to everyone!
Hey Ruth,
That's great. I love your attitude and this is exactly the type of attitude I recommend people to reach before ending no contact. All the best.
Hey Kevin
I have so much to tell ! but I will try to keep it short, I promise. So I went to Toronto this past weekend and I met up with my ex for lunch which was really good, I was confident and happy and it was like nothing had ever changed. He was all over me, kissing me and holding my hand and stuff but when we got in the car he asked me to sleep with him and I said no, I only sleep with my boyfriends and he said well we cant date which was disappointing but I tried not to let it get to me in front of him. He asked me if I was confused and I said yes and he said "me too". He drove me back to the hotel and stayed a bit while I got ready for a concert that we were both going to, me with my friend and he with his. He was all over me at the hotel as well, and he hugged me for a long time and said he missed me. Then he left to go get ready and pick up his friend and my friend and I left to take public transportation to the concert. So here is where it gets bad and I thought I totally blew it. I unintentionally got super hammered at this concert in front of my ex. I had no idea that I would get that drunk and I was somewhat out of control. My ex went to go get some cash and his friend started telling me that now my ex was trying to go for my friend and that he used me for the entire relationship. Now previously while me ex and I were together he had told me that this particular friend got a kick out of starting trouble and being a shit disturber and that I shouldn't listen to him. But of course, I was very drunk so I believed it and I talked to my ex about it in somewhat of a panic and he got pretty upset with me for believing it and with his friend for saying it and I thought for sure I ruined this whole plan and that it was over. But my friend talked to him and said something about how it was part of my ex's friends plan to get with her or something. It was all very dramatic. But anyways, my ex let it go and danced with me the whole night and we spent the night all over each other. I texted him the next morning and said I was sorry that I acted like that and thank you for the good time, and he said no problem hun I'm glad I got to see you. When I asked if he had a good time he said yes, it was amazing. Since then we have texted back and forth a bit but not too much, I don't want to bug him. What do I do now, just wait? what if he never says anything? Do you think I ruined it all? I dont really know where to go from here now. Can I please have your advice?
Thank you so much Kevin
Hey,
I don't think you ruined it all but you would've been wise to control your drinking while you were with your ex. Regardless, You should stay in touch with him, but back off for a while ( a few days). Plan another trip after a week or two.
okay thanks ! I already have another trip planned for about 3 weeks from now. It is just very frustrating! on one hand I have "no I will not do long distance again, you are like one of my buddies" and then on the other it's "you're beautiful and I still love you and I regret breaking up with you". I have no idea what he wants from me, I am getting very mixed signals. I really don't like being his friend, I want to be his girlfriend or nothing, know what I mean? I just really hope this is going somewhere (although I know if it doesn't, I will be okay)
I know Jaici, that's why you are on this website. You should take things slow for a while. If he doesn't make a move, you should give him an ultimatum. Commit or you move on. I recommend that you set a time limit for yourself (3-4 months) and if he doesn't commit till that time, give the ultimatum and mean it.
Should I wait 3-4 months from now or from when I started this whole plan ?
Should I wait 3-4 months from now or from when I started this whole plan ?
Should I wait 3-4 months from now or from when I started this whole plan ?
Should I wait 3-4 months from now or from when I started this whole plan ?
Should I wait 3-4 months from now or from when I started this whole plan ?
I know Jaici, that's why you are on this website. You should take things slow for a while. If he doesn't make a move, you should give him an ultimatum. Commit or you move on. I recommend that you set a time limit for yourself (3-4 months) and if he doesn't commit till that time, give the ultimatum and mean it.
I know Jaici, that's why you are on this website. You should take things slow for a while. If he doesn't make a move, you should give him an ultimatum. Commit or you move on. I recommend that you set a time limit for yourself (3-4 months) and if he doesn't commit till that time, give the ultimatum and mean it.
I know Jaici, that's why you are on this website. You should take things slow for a while. If he doesn't make a move, you should give him an ultimatum. Commit or you move on. I recommend that you set a time limit for yourself (3-4 months) and if he doesn't commit till that time, give the ultimatum and mean it.
okay thanks ! I already have another trip planned for about 3 weeks from now. It is just very frustrating! on one hand I have "no I will not do long distance again, you are like one of my buddies" and then on the other it's "you're beautiful and I still love you and I regret breaking up with you". I have no idea what he wants from me, I am getting very mixed signals. I really don't like being his friend, I want to be his girlfriend or nothing, know what I mean? I just really hope this is going somewhere (although I know if it doesn't, I will be okay)
okay thanks ! I already have another trip planned for about 3 weeks from now. It is just very frustrating! on one hand I have "no I will not do long distance again, you are like one of my buddies" and then on the other it's "you're beautiful and I still love you and I regret breaking up with you". I have no idea what he wants from me, I am getting very mixed signals. I really don't like being his friend, I want to be his girlfriend or nothing, know what I mean? I just really hope this is going somewhere (although I know if it doesn't, I will be okay)
Hey,
I don't think you ruined it all but you would've been wise to control your drinking while you were with your ex. Regardless, You should stay in touch with him, but back off for a while ( a few days). Plan another trip after a week or two.
Hi Kevin I recently posted a comment about my situation with my ex breaking up with me because he said he is not ready for a relationship right now. I was in the middle of my contact rule and he confessed that the reason why he broke up with me because he was feeling so guilty and regret what he had done. He got drunk and slept with another woman about 2months ago while we are still together. It was only one time and he said he regret it everyday. He was afraid to tell me the truth because he doesn't want me to hate him. I feel like he really meant his apology but what he did caused me in a lot of pain. I still love and I know he loves me too. I just don't know if I should take him back or what will be the next step.
Hey,
You should tell him you need some time and space and do NC for a while. (at least 2 months) Read about infidelity during this time and hopefully you will be able to make a well-informed rational decision after no contact.
Hey,
You should tell him you need some time and space and do NC for a while. (at least 2 months) Read about infidelity during this time and hopefully you will be able to make a well-informed rational decision after no contact.
Hey,
I have to say still this things for you. My family thinks that my ex still have feelings me and my brother said two days ago you can call her and ask what are their situation but she didn't asnwer but she texted me ''you called me have you something to say?'' I know I shouldn't called to her and I thought what I should to text so just think something not so serious. I said that my brothers baby make funny noise and maybe you wanted to hear it and I have nothing else. She didn't answer that.
Yesterday I was eating in the hospitals restaurant and I saw that guy again. I asked to have lunch with me and I was polite and friendly and said that it was good thing that we broke up because I wasn't best boyfriend but I also said that I was a little disappointed what he did but I wasn't too sad about it. He said sorry what happened and I somehow felt good about it. We talked then about different things like hobbies. I don't know is he my ex type but I must say he is some kind of alpha male but he didn't smile so much than me and maybe isn't so alive person. But I feel that they are serious in relationship. I texted later to my ex that I ate with him and I'm happy for you that you have man who threat you good and hopefully you are doing great now and in the future. She didn't answer that either. Maybe she sees what I'm doing and knows that I have feelings for her and try to make me angry for her and leaver her alone. Now I can't do anything but I will meet other girls on date but it doesn't feel right. I feel like part of my is there where she is. I'm always make it through in mostly things what I wanted but in this kind of situation I made myself needy person. That is weird why she can't just say all the best for you also but just stop contact me. She just ignores me. It's been too long what I tried to do and it makes me feel bad about myself.
Kevib,
Whats worse? Drift or deaths door? Drift indicates that she is indifferent. While deaths door is a phase where its hard to come back from. And the name itself is scary.
Death's door is harder to come back from. Drift is a little easier.
Death's door is harder to come back from. Drift is a little easier.
Hi Kevin,
Question, what if he's also reading the same article as I am reading right now and plan to do the NC thing? Isn't it weird because we are both waiting for who will do the 1st move. Imagine, what I'm reading right now is exactly what he's reading as well. Who should go first?
I recommend to contact your ex after 30 days in all my articles. So if he is reading the same thing, he will contact you. If he doesn't, you should contact him. It doesn't really matter who makes the first move. What matters more is the way you talk to him when you get back in touch.
I recommend to contact your ex after 30 days in all my articles. So if he is reading the same thing, he will contact you. If he doesn't, you should contact him. It doesn't really matter who makes the first move. What matters more is the way you talk to him when you get back in touch.
Kevin,
I want to share this with you. There are times that i feel so so great that i almost forget about her. But then i pause and think about her. Is it my fear of moving on? And letting go of her? Im not sure. Sometimes i also feel that i wish she was with me so i can share my happiness with her. Im not sure about what im feeling. Thankyou kevin.
It's very normal. You should continue no contact for another month. As long as you are confused about what you want, you should continue no contact.
It's very normal. You should continue no contact for another month. As long as you are confused about what you want, you should continue no contact.
Hello Kevin,
I sent you a question on June 2, did you ever get it, or respond? I can't find the question on your website at all. Let me know, thank you!
Hey YoYo,
I can't find your comment. Is it possible for you to post it again? Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Same with me. It said pending, but now is gone.
Hey Jill,
I am sorry about that. Is it possible for you to post it again? Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Jill,
I am sorry about that. Is it possible for you to post it again? Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Jill,
I am sorry about that. Is it possible for you to post it again? Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Jill,
I am sorry about that. Is it possible for you to post it again? Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Same with me. It said pending, but now is gone.
Same with me. It said pending, but now is gone.
Hey YoYo,
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Hi Kevin,
I finished 30 day no contact, text an upbeat message (the only method whereby I wasn’t blocked) and got a response. Chatted v. slowly across a day or so – recalling private jokes, teasing – some replies have been within minutes, some hours and not always that enthusiastic on his part. Then the texts got slower and slower - There only been like 10-15 exchanges. I feel worse now than before I contacted him, its been more than a day no response now – I didn't stop the conversation in time to leave it on a high I guess. Feeling like such an idiot and still blocked on everything else.
What do you suggest?
Back off for a while again. I'd recommend two weeks. Then try again. If he is cold still, you should do NC for one month again. However, this time, you should seriously consider moving on.
Back off for a while again. I'd recommend two weeks. Then try again. If he is cold still, you should do NC for one month again. However, this time, you should seriously consider moving on.
Dear Kevin, i need your help.
Basically i was only dating this guy for a short 6 weeks. Everything was great he pursued me and showed me he was serious abouts us. However he suddenly ended it exactly a month ago (just after our date ended btw, we went for dinner and movie) saying that there is no spark anymore.
I was so devastated. I texted him 2 days later saying thanks for everything since he had done so much for me and i really appreciated that. He responded nicely and then i went NC. A week later he texted me said to enjoy my short trip in another country. I replied aloof and nicely, no desperation whatsoever but the chat lasted only 2 days and he didnt initiate anymore.
The next weekend i gave in and texted him. He again replied veryyyy nicely and it felt like the old times but the chat only lasted a day. The next weekend (just last sunday) stupidly I texted him again and we chatted nicely until last night when we both said good night. I dont think i will hear from him again soon. What should i do? I really want him back but i dont want to be the one who always initiate texts :( is there any chance at all?
Don't initiate any texts for one month. After that, ask him to hang out. Read the 5 step plan.
Thanks kev.. But how if he texts me during that one month?
If he texts you, reply and have a normal conversation with him. You are only allowed to talk to him if he initiates.
He finally initiates but we just keep a short conversation since he was going to board a plane soon. Then I just said safe flight and that was it. He didn't initiate anymore. This was 2 days ago. What to do? Driving me crazy knowing i only must wait and wait and cant do anything to get him back
He finally initiates but we just keep a short conversation since he was going to board a plane soon. Then I just said safe flight and that was it. He didn't initiate anymore. This was 2 days ago. What to do? Driving me crazy knowing i only must wait and wait and cant do anything to get him back
He finally initiates but we just keep a short conversation since he was going to board a plane soon. Then I just said safe flight and that was it. He didn't initiate anymore. This was 2 days ago. What to do? Driving me crazy knowing i only must wait and wait and cant do anything to get him back
He finally initiates but we just keep a short conversation since he was going to board a plane soon. Then I just said safe flight and that was it. He didn't initiate anymore. This was 2 days ago. What to do? Driving me crazy knowing i only must wait and wait and cant do anything to get him back
He finally initiates but we just keep a short conversation since he was going to board a plane soon. Then I just said safe flight and that was it. He didn't initiate anymore. This was 2 days ago. What to do? Driving me crazy knowing i only must wait and wait and cant do anything to get him back
If he texts you, reply and have a normal conversation with him. You are only allowed to talk to him if he initiates.
If he texts you, reply and have a normal conversation with him. You are only allowed to talk to him if he initiates.
If he texts you, reply and have a normal conversation with him. You are only allowed to talk to him if he initiates.
Thanks kev.. But how if he texts me during that one month?
Thanks kev.. But how if he texts me during that one month?
Don't initiate any texts for one month. After that, ask him to hang out. Read the 5 step plan.
Hi, I'm 30 and my ex is 34. We dated long distance for a little over 2.5 years when he broke up with me. We had been fighting on and off for a few months. And after each fight he would ask for some time and space but I kept texting and calling him. He finally had enough this last fight and said that I didn't really care about him or love him. I only cares about my own feelings because I couldn't do what he asked for one time. He wouldn't have a conversation with me he just kept yelling and saying things like he didn't love me anymore and never wanted to be with me again. I asked him what I could do to even try to salvage the relationship and he said to give him 3 months with no contact, and at 3 months we could talk to see if it looked like I was making changes to be the same girl he fell in love with. He said it didn't mean that we would get back together but he wanted to see if I could finally do what he asked and make the changes I kept saying I would make. I agreed even though he said I wouldn't even make it 1 week. When I asked him if he would date during this time he said no because he needed 3 months just to heal.
I left my belongings there to pick up at a later time which was his idea. I found out that he paid for a membership to the same dating site that we had met on the same night we broke up. I was even more heart broken when I found that out. I don't understand because of what he said about not dating during these 3 months. I am his first girlfriend. We had plans to move in together and get married.
Not even a week later I emailed him to let him know that I thought I was pregnant. Well it ended up that I wasn't but I never heard anything back from him. I worry he thought it was a ploy to contact him. I apologized for contacting him and said I should've waited to contact him about it until it was confirmed. Then I wrote that I would give him his 3 months of no contact because I want to show him that I do care about him and love him. I've started going to a therapist to work on myself.
I don't know what to think though. His family use to want us to be together but now I think they don't but I don't really know. Do we really have a chance at getting back together?
You have a chance Jenny. Give him the 3 months and if possible, extend it to 4 months. Make positive changes in your life and don't pressure him into getting back together when the months are over.
Thanks Kevin. Do I need to worry at all that he paid for a membership to join the same dating site that we met on (the site is meant to match up people based on compatibility with the intention of finding the person you will marry)? I worry he is going to find someone on there sooner than the 3 or 4 months of no contact. He was really angry and hurt the last time I saw him (when he broke up with me). I have no desire to date. I am trying to focus on getting myself to a place where I will be happy with or without him.
Also, he forwarded the emails I had sent him about thinking I was pregnant but then it turned out that I wasn't to his mother and sister. They think I was lying and just trying to manipulate him into getting back together. But if I was trying to manipulate him then wouldn't I have kept up the supposed facade for longer than a few hours??? But he is going to listen to them because they are his family. He and I had had a conversation awhile back about how faking a pregnancy is so wrong to do and he even told me that he knew I wouldn't do that to him. Especially because his sister had a really bad miscarriage years ago. I've never lied to him, and we didn't have any trust issues in the relationship. I worry that there really isn't a chance. When I was able to chill out and not take my stress out on him we were great - people often were surprised to find out when we were fighting and now broken up. My mom kept telling me to not push him because one day he was going to reach a point where he would be too hurt to stick around even if he did still love me. Do I still have a chance even with the 3-4 months of NC?
Yes, there's still chance. There's also a chance that he might move on, but it's less. If he decides to get married with someone just because he is angry at you, then he is probably going to end up having a bad divorce. And there's nothing you can do to prevent it. So, there's no point thinking about it. As for the pregnancy thing, you've already told him what happened. If you don't contact him anymore during the upcoming months, he is going to realize that you were probably telling the truth.
Thanks Kevin. I'm going to do the NC for the next 3-4 months. Meanwhile I'm going to therapy to work on my own issues to make myself better and happy. Thank you again! I'll update in the future as it requires.
Thanks Kevin. I'm going to do the NC for the next 3-4 months. Meanwhile I'm going to therapy to work on my own issues to make myself better and happy. Thank you again! I'll update in the future as it requires.
Thanks Kevin. I'm going to do the NC for the next 3-4 months. Meanwhile I'm going to therapy to work on my own issues to make myself better and happy. Thank you again! I'll update in the future as it requires.
Thanks Kevin. I'm going to do the NC for the next 3-4 months. Meanwhile I'm going to therapy to work on my own issues to make myself better and happy. Thank you again! I'll update in the future as it requires.
Thanks Kevin. I'm going to do the NC for the next 3-4 months. Meanwhile I'm going to therapy to work on my own issues to make myself better and happy. Thank you again! I'll update in the future as it requires.
Yes, there's still chance. There's also a chance that he might move on, but it's less. If he decides to get married with someone just because he is angry at you, then he is probably going to end up having a bad divorce. And there's nothing you can do to prevent it. So, there's no point thinking about it. As for the pregnancy thing, you've already told him what happened. If you don't contact him anymore during the upcoming months, he is going to realize that you were probably telling the truth.
Yes, there's still chance. There's also a chance that he might move on, but it's less. If he decides to get married with someone just because he is angry at you, then he is probably going to end up having a bad divorce. And there's nothing you can do to prevent it. So, there's no point thinking about it. As for the pregnancy thing, you've already told him what happened. If you don't contact him anymore during the upcoming months, he is going to realize that you were probably telling the truth.
Yes, there's still chance. There's also a chance that he might move on, but it's less. If he decides to get married with someone just because he is angry at you, then he is probably going to end up having a bad divorce. And there's nothing you can do to prevent it. So, there's no point thinking about it. As for the pregnancy thing, you've already told him what happened. If you don't contact him anymore during the upcoming months, he is going to realize that you were probably telling the truth.
Thanks Kevin. Do I need to worry at all that he paid for a membership to join the same dating site that we met on (the site is meant to match up people based on compatibility with the intention of finding the person you will marry)? I worry he is going to find someone on there sooner than the 3 or 4 months of no contact. He was really angry and hurt the last time I saw him (when he broke up with me). I have no desire to date. I am trying to focus on getting myself to a place where I will be happy with or without him.
Also, he forwarded the emails I had sent him about thinking I was pregnant but then it turned out that I wasn't to his mother and sister. They think I was lying and just trying to manipulate him into getting back together. But if I was trying to manipulate him then wouldn't I have kept up the supposed facade for longer than a few hours??? But he is going to listen to them because they are his family. He and I had had a conversation awhile back about how faking a pregnancy is so wrong to do and he even told me that he knew I wouldn't do that to him. Especially because his sister had a really bad miscarriage years ago. I've never lied to him, and we didn't have any trust issues in the relationship. I worry that there really isn't a chance. When I was able to chill out and not take my stress out on him we were great - people often were surprised to find out when we were fighting and now broken up. My mom kept telling me to not push him because one day he was going to reach a point where he would be too hurt to stick around even if he did still love me. Do I still have a chance even with the 3-4 months of NC?
Thanks Kevin. Do I need to worry at all that he paid for a membership to join the same dating site that we met on (the site is meant to match up people based on compatibility with the intention of finding the person you will marry)? I worry he is going to find someone on there sooner than the 3 or 4 months of no contact. He was really angry and hurt the last time I saw him (when he broke up with me). I have no desire to date. I am trying to focus on getting myself to a place where I will be happy with or without him.
Also, he forwarded the emails I had sent him about thinking I was pregnant but then it turned out that I wasn't to his mother and sister. They think I was lying and just trying to manipulate him into getting back together. But if I was trying to manipulate him then wouldn't I have kept up the supposed facade for longer than a few hours??? But he is going to listen to them because they are his family. He and I had had a conversation awhile back about how faking a pregnancy is so wrong to do and he even told me that he knew I wouldn't do that to him. Especially because his sister had a really bad miscarriage years ago. I've never lied to him, and we didn't have any trust issues in the relationship. I worry that there really isn't a chance. When I was able to chill out and not take my stress out on him we were great - people often were surprised to find out when we were fighting and now broken up. My mom kept telling me to not push him because one day he was going to reach a point where he would be too hurt to stick around even if he did still love me. Do I still have a chance even with the 3-4 months of NC?
You have a chance Jenny. Give him the 3 months and if possible, extend it to 4 months. Make positive changes in your life and don't pressure him into getting back together when the months are over.
Kevin,
I think i have reached the right mindset. I not craving for her. I dont mias her that much. I dont gl crazy on her. On short im not asddicted. I have also mentioned that there are times that i feel so great and forget her. This is how i feel now. I want her back because she is a great woman. She is pretty, have good values and good family, though our relationship had issues that is caused by her. I beleive it can be resolved and changed. Is thia my go signal? I feel so good for myself i cant help taking slefies. But i dont upload them lol. I also feel like i look good more than ever.
Is this my go signal to reconnect with her? Thanks kevin you are a great help to everyone. Thankyou for getting me out of the desperate and chasing situation. You made me realiE how important NC is. Now i can go pn with my life even without her though i will regret letting her go but its okay. Thankyou so mch. :)
If you feel ready, then you are ready. All the best. :)
If you feel ready, then you are ready. All the best. :)
Hey Kevin,
I sent you a couple of comments in the past couple of weeks and have not seen a response to either. Is there anyway I could still get a response? Also, just wanted to let you know how motivating and useful your daily emails are! I am in day 3 of my 2nd stint of NC and feeling great this time around already. Thanks.
Trevor
Trevor,
I replied to you here and here.
Trevor,
I replied to you here and here.
Hey,
she just texted me ''thanks for your message, I wish nothing but good and good luck for your life''. It takes like 30 hours after my last message I don't what that means, but I go now to NC again and hope that their relationship don't work.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks so much for your help, A bit has progressed since my last message and this might be a bit of a long message but I am very stuck as to what to do now!, Basically she has messaged me saying shes sorry it all had to end this way and that she wishes the situation was different and she met me in different circumstances.
Anyways about 1-2 weeks pass with no contact from me, we got a lot of Mutual friends together and a meal was coming up this week, My friends messaged her, to which she said it might be awkward but said she would contact me to see if I minded and that she hasnt heard from me for a while.
I calmly replied a few hours later saying it was ok if she came and I didnt think it would be awkward but its her decision, she said it would be awkward and so she wouldnt go, less than 30 mins later, she messaged me saying "disregard my messages then" and called a C*n*t and that I shouldnt just ignore her!...it was onyl 20 mins!! anyways few messages exchanged between us and she said "I have to be completely over you to be able to face ya.."
2 days later she asked how I was and I have been replying, I do feel a lot better in myself and am not hanging on her everyword as much. But where to go from here I am at a loss!
She has said she has started to "Slowly feel better herself" and we are having a little few messages, I also have Ryan's book and I think I am in "Deaths Door" but I just want to make sure and that I aint in "Drift"?
My ultimate aim is to get her back as my girlfriend!
My question really is,
Am I in "Deaths Door" or "Drift" and If she messages me should I go down the "False Friendship" route and reply and go from there, or should I ignore her? I dont want to be safety net or come across as needy with her knowing that she can have me at any moment.
But im not sure if her "feeling better" is a good sign as shes started talking to me...or a bad sign as in she isnt missing me and shes starting to move on.
Thanks so much
If she's talking to you, it's a good sign. I think you are in drift.
Reading your comment has just gave me the biggest smile ever whilst at work :) haha
Thanks for your help and advice,
Im trying not to respond to her instantly and playing it cool. If she leaves the conversation open ended, I dont always reply to open it up, i wait until she starts it back up and she has been doing this sometimes.
So I will just continue talking if that is good! I did find out that just before we started talking, she was asking people how I was doing because she hasnt heard from me.
Fingers Crossed!
Good Luck. :)
Good Luck. :)
Good Luck. :)
Good Luck. :)
Reading your comment has just gave me the biggest smile ever whilst at work :) haha
Thanks for your help and advice,
Im trying not to respond to her instantly and playing it cool. If she leaves the conversation open ended, I dont always reply to open it up, i wait until she starts it back up and she has been doing this sometimes.
So I will just continue talking if that is good! I did find out that just before we started talking, she was asking people how I was doing because she hasnt heard from me.
Fingers Crossed!
Reading your comment has just gave me the biggest smile ever whilst at work :) haha
Thanks for your help and advice,
Im trying not to respond to her instantly and playing it cool. If she leaves the conversation open ended, I dont always reply to open it up, i wait until she starts it back up and she has been doing this sometimes.
So I will just continue talking if that is good! I did find out that just before we started talking, she was asking people how I was doing because she hasnt heard from me.
Fingers Crossed!
If she's talking to you, it's a good sign. I think you are in drift.
Hi,
my ex broke up for the second time after a two years relationship incl. living together and this time it looks definite. He even admitted how much he still loves me and almost cried when we broke up, but said that this time he is sure about it because he thinks we fight too much and that we are too similar characters who are very stubborn and don't wanna give in when having arguments. He is not pissed, not tired of me and says we had the greatest time ever, but that he thinks because of our fights it won't work in the future. One week of NC already went by and I didn't hear anything from him (after he broke up for the first time he started contacting me again after a week already).
Do you think he will come back? Or does it seem definite this time? What should I do? The five steps plan I already read. Thank you.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex have been broken up for almost 2 months now. The reason we ended is because I had a lot of stuff going on and I have a cousin in care, so because sometimes I were upset and wouldn't talk to him or others, he thought that he was the reason why I was upset so he decided to end the relationship even though he didn't want to and he was in tears, as soon as we broke up I came on your website and did the whole no contact thing and have been doing that since the very first day, at school he's been near me alot and helping me and talking to me alot well trying, and last night I was really upset so I messaged him and he replied and wouldn't go to sleep until I was happy even though he was very very tired and it was half 1 in the morning, he was there a good 2 hours cheering me up but funny thing is he messaged me first saying "hey, you ok" does this mean be likes me again? Should I stop the no contact thing and talk to him and explain he wasn't the reason why I was upset and tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth and see what happens or should I continue the no contact thing?
Yes, it's a good idea to start communicating with him again since you have done enough no contact and he is showing signs that he still likes you.
Yes, it's a good idea to start communicating with him again since you have done enough no contact and he is showing signs that he still likes you.
Yes, it's a good idea to start communicating with him again since you have done enough no contact and he is showing signs that he still likes you.
He could come back
I know how you feel when me and my girlfriend broke up after dating for a year it was the worst week ever
When we broke up I was in tears too for weeks on end and still am now......how do I try be happy? Or at least hide it near him?
Honey sorond yourself with friends and leave that sicker alone I'm helping a friend and hers is just a dick but yah know that's just guys but be happy don't pretend
Honey sorond yourself with friends and leave that sicker alone I'm helping a friend and hers is just a dick but yah know that's just guys but be happy don't pretend
Honey sorond yourself with friends and leave that sicker alone I'm helping a friend and hers is just a dick but yah know that's just guys but be happy don't pretend
Honey sorond yourself with friends and leave that sicker alone I'm helping a friend and hers is just a dick but yah know that's just guys but be happy don't pretend
I know how you feel when me and my girlfriend broke up after dating for a year it was the worst week ever
When we broke up I was in tears too for weeks on end and still am now......how do I try be happy? Or at least hide it near him?
I know how you feel when me and my girlfriend broke up after dating for a year it was the worst week ever
When we broke up I was in tears too for weeks on end and still am now......how do I try be happy? Or at least hide it near him?
There's a chance. However, try to work on your communication issues during NC. I highly recommend the book "Non-violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg.
Hi Kevin,
Me and my ex have been broken up for almost 2 months now. The reason we ended is because I had a lot of stuff going on and I have a cousin in care, so because sometimes I were upset and wouldn't talk to him or others, he thought that he was the reason why I was upset so he decided to end the relationship even though he didn't want to and he was in tears, as soon as we broke up I came on your website and did the whole no contact thing and have been doing that since the very first day, at school he's been near me alot and helping me and talking to me alot well trying, and last night I was really upset so I messaged him and he replied and wouldn't go to sleep until I was happy even though he was very very tired and it was half 1 in the morning, he was there a good 2 hours cheering me up but funny thing is he messaged me first saying "hey, you ok" does this mean be likes me again? Should I stop the no contact thing and talk to him and explain he wasn't the reason why I was upset and tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth and see what happens or should I continue the no contact thing?
He could come back
There's a chance. However, try to work on your communication issues during NC. I highly recommend the book "Non-violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg.
Hey ! I read your blog and I find it interesting. My girlfriend studies and I am a musicianI travel the world playing music and she is stuck to her studies..we recently broke up because she told me that I expect too much from her,and that she is tired of waiting for me to get more independant..she also told me she doesnt approve of the way I "live" ..dont know what ever that means..I also said I was going to learn german as thats where I live and met her, and I havent because I didnt have time inbetween my music and gigs. She also told me I am unpresentble when I go with her to see her family and that she wants a man that has the same or equal education to what she has. She also told me that I needed to be more flexible and easy going and that she had warned me times before that she didnt like my character in that sense..She was my world, pretty much the only normal thing in my life. What she told me broke my heart, I did just about all the mistakes mentioned from the above. I only came across this article after doing all the wrong things.. over texting over e mailing.. i sent post cards from my last gig in canada. I even sent flowers worth about 100 euros to her house. I apologised profusely but I guess she felt I expected her to be like "ok I forgive you" but she wasnt..so then she said more hurtful things and I guess I might of said some things back. We dated for a year and half..everything was cool but she flipped out on me 3 weeks ago.. 2 days before mothers day on the friday before M day..because we had an arguement over her not letting me know she was still gona be with her mom for that friday night, ( I also live 1 hour outside the city so I had to travel by train to the city for her to have not informed me to not come or save me any wasted time ) We loved eachother like all couples, She says she is tired of waiting for me to get my german school studies together, and that she shares no common ground with me anymore..and that I dont give positive energy..what else did she say? hmmm.. oh ya that she doesnt see any thing good from being together with me in a relationship in future. Then she told me a week later she just needs time...so we agreed on a no contact thing for 30 days..but somehow I feel i messed it up too much and my chances are now completely ruined.. she says she still has feelings for me but not in a relationship way, she says she doesnt share any intimacy attraction to me anymore , her friends dont like me her mom and sister dont like me. But i dont get why she spent 1 year and 6 months with me for this to all be wasted.. for her to just give it up,, Im 29 and she is 24 years old.. I even told her when we got together that I thought she was too young for me and she will probably get tired of me and want some german guy with his combed hair and smart suit clean cut type with the same education as her. I almost predicted the outcome in a sense..I also felt a bit alienated in a different country living there..and being around her and her friends and not speaking any german didnt help me feel any more confident or comfortable...and she always told me I was different and liked me for that and the way I was. she told me I was her first love..also she told me she loves me first I never pulled any moves to take things to that level. But now I have grown fond of her and in love back at her and now she has in a sense given up on me.. she told me her heart isnt into it anymore, and she doesnt want a relationship with me..
But in the same way she also goes asking about me to my friends behind my back to see how and what im doing..and saying she feels emotional attachemt to me still.
Any advice kevin? you would be a real life saver! I told my girlfriend I would be better and change and get more motivated etc.. but she says she doesnt feel like in her gut she can belive me anymore..im really sad.. I have had about all the insomnia stress anxiety a man can handle.
Thanks in advance if you have a moment to reply Kevin!
cheers
J
Hey,
It makes sense she doesn't believe you. Everyone promises to change after they've been dumped. And very few of them actually make the changes when their ex takes back. Instead of telling her you'll change, do NC and make the changes, and let her see it for herself.
Hey,
It makes sense she doesn't believe you. Everyone promises to change after they've been dumped. And very few of them actually make the changes when their ex takes back. Instead of telling her you'll change, do NC and make the changes, and let her see it for herself.
Hey Kevin,
I am 22 and my ex girlfriend is 20 years old. We went out for almost 2 years and ended in late March this year. We ended because we kept getting into dumb little fights. She eventually “didn’t feel the same as she used to” because of all these fights. We kissed a lot less, and were rarely intimate. We stopped clicking and this eventually led to a small break and we broke up directly after. We never even had a real break because after a day or two she would start talking to me. Everytime I tried to stay on break she called me stubborn by not responding.
After the break up, I stopped responding to a lot of her texts and I eventually got responses out of her basically showing that she likes me still and cares for me. We hung out a couple times, and flirted a bit. I never got intimate these times though, only a couple kisses on the cheek, even though I went in for kisses on the lips. Keep in mind she wouldn’t do this to an ex for no reason. She also put on her best effort to look the best she could. She ditched studying for finals to hang out with me and grab dinner and dessert, but claims that she wasn’t flirting. She also started many texts with mutual friends talking about me and using my name in flirtacious ways by saying “he misses me” or “tell him to stop thinking about loving me” and constantly sending funny pics of me back and forth. My friends, and I all thought she definitely wanted me back with all these texts by constantly bringing up my name in the conversations.
Eventually, she was being hot and cold. When I texted her, she was being rude for no reason, but whenever my friends and her talked about me she was always using my name in happy flirty ways. We ended up having a huge conversation via text three weeks ago and the whole time she says things like “I want to be friends” and then later on in the text say “but this doesn’t mean we won’t get back together” and she keeps doing this. She constantly states that she wants me as a friend, but also misses me as a boyfriend. Later on in the convo, it got to the point where I got tired of her antics and said I won’t be her friend anymore, and I can’t deal with her changing her mind everyday and always flirting and she then said “you can talk to any girl you want to, I won’t care” which is a complete lie because whenever I go out to eat she asks me “who did you go with?” as if I’m with a girl or on a date. Shortly after, I tested her statement and posted a picture with a girl when I was out to eat and she messaged my friend asking him “who is that girl? Tell me all about it. Who is she?” etc. and it’s funny because she encouraged me to move on but now she is being a hypocrite.
Since the conversation, I have been in no contact for 22 days and have not looked at her social media at all. She has tried texting me on four different occasions, and has even called me. She has also asked my friends about me and is trying to find ways to get into contact with me. Last week she even told my friend that “I just want him to be nice with me, hang out with me, be my friend. And who knows what will happen.” Here we go again with her saying she wants to be my friend, but then possibly getting back later on. She also keeps asking my friend if I talk about her, or brings up the girl who she thinks I am seeing. This is how she has been. By the way, I am not dating anyone else. I have no problem being in No Contact and never have any urges to look at her page, but I just don’t know how to go about it. I also blocked her on everything, but I know she still stalks me.
One last thing, we have concert tickets together, and the concert is in August. Whenever we get into a misunderstanding she brings those up. I own both the tickets. It seems as if she does this because it’s our last real tie together. She always asks my friend if I’m taking someone else or if I sold the tickets. She even told my friend to buy the ticket from me, not sure why. I know she is scared of me taking a girl because she messaged me saying she heard I was taking a girl, which is completely untrue. She also has some of my personal belongings, which she refuses to give me unless it’s in person.
I just don’t know what to do, I love the girl and miss her, but she is ridiculous. Wants to be my friend, but also wants me to comfort her when she pleases. I know she is thinking about me a lot, and misses me, and I have been great with no contact, but I don’t know how to get her back when the time comes. I think my problem initially after the break up was that I was too accepting of her after the breakup, when I should have been more confident, and less desperate.
Let me know what you think I should do, my No Contact phase ends in 10 days.
I'll suggest you increase no contact to 45 days. When you get back in touch, hang out with her for 2-3 weeks and try to to take things slowly. If things are going well, ask her to get back together. If she refuses, tell her you can't be friend and this time cut her off for good.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. Her birthday is in 20 days, should I still wait before I talk to her when it gets to that day? My NC ends a couple days after her birthday. She will definitely ask me to come to celebrate her birthday with her, or grab lunch or something. I know she may use it as an excuse to see me, however I don't want to come off as rude or heartless. And how do I get back into contact with her? A letter wouldn't work, I only think a text would be appropriate for this situation, but not sure what to say. Thanks again, Kevin.
In that case, you have two options, either finish no contact one week before the birthday. Or finish it a week or two after the birthday. If you decide to finish it after her birthday, just wish her happy birthday via text and politely decline to hangout saying you are busy.
In that case, you have two options, either finish no contact one week before the birthday. Or finish it a week or two after the birthday. If you decide to finish it after her birthday, just wish her happy birthday via text and politely decline to hangout saying you are busy.
In that case, you have two options, either finish no contact one week before the birthday. Or finish it a week or two after the birthday. If you decide to finish it after her birthday, just wish her happy birthday via text and politely decline to hangout saying you are busy.
In that case, you have two options, either finish no contact one week before the birthday. Or finish it a week or two after the birthday. If you decide to finish it after her birthday, just wish her happy birthday via text and politely decline to hangout saying you are busy.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. Her birthday is in 20 days, should I still wait before I talk to her when it gets to that day? My NC ends a couple days after her birthday. She will definitely ask me to come to celebrate her birthday with her, or grab lunch or something. I know she may use it as an excuse to see me, however I don't want to come off as rude or heartless. And how do I get back into contact with her? A letter wouldn't work, I only think a text would be appropriate for this situation, but not sure what to say. Thanks again, Kevin.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks for the reply. Her birthday is in 20 days, should I still wait before I talk to her when it gets to that day? My NC ends a couple days after her birthday. She will definitely ask me to come to celebrate her birthday with her, or grab lunch or something. I know she may use it as an excuse to see me, however I don't want to come off as rude or heartless. And how do I get back into contact with her? A letter wouldn't work, I only think a text would be appropriate for this situation, but not sure what to say. Thanks again, Kevin.
I'll suggest you increase no contact to 45 days. When you get back in touch, hang out with her for 2-3 weeks and try to to take things slowly. If things are going well, ask her to get back together. If she refuses, tell her you can't be friend and this time cut her off for good.
I'm sorry guys but I think I'm out, I don't think I can do this anymore. I saw her today to tell her about this thing she loves doing but hasn't been able to find and I told her and I know she really wanted to do it because she always said she wanted to but she was just like nah, I'm not interested but thanks, it was just the way she said it. The only reason she said no was because it was me who told her about it and after that I just wanted some answers, an explanation for why she is being like that and all she would say was I don't care, leave me alone, and then I told her how I heard she started seeing a guy a week after we broke up and she said "yes I did" as if she was proud of it or something. And now I'm like fuck it, if she wants to be this prideful little bitch and is just trying to fucking hurt me then I'm done. I got home, went int to my weight room, wrapped my hands, put my gloves on and hit my bag for an hour and a half and I didn't stop until half my bag was red. I just don't think I can live like this anymore, I'd rather go back to the asshole I was before, go out and fuck an 8, 9, or 10 every week. maybe he was a piece of shit but at least he didn't feel like shit. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Right now all I want to do is go party, get drunk, go fight and get high. I want to get fucked up and stay that way until I just don't give a fuck anymore. I don't know what to do? For fucks sake I literally have blood, sweat and tears on my face right now. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Hey Zach,
I am sorry it didn't work out for you. I really am. However, I want to warn you that getting drunk, fighting, or even getting high is not going to cure the pain. It's like putting bandage on a broken bone. Sure, it might make you forget the pain for a while. But it will not make it go away. If you want to party, go ahead, but don't overindulge in alcohol. It's the worst way to get over a breakup. If it becomes a habit, you won't even realize where the next 5-10 years of your life went.
Also, the fact that you feel like this right now means that you never really followed the plan. You never really finished the most important part of the no contact. During no contact, you have to accept the fact that your relationship is over and realize that even if you don't get your ex back, you'll be OK. It sure doesn't seem like you are OK with not getting her back in your life.
Strangely I feel better now, and I didn't ever go out and any do of that stuff I felt like doing, I only went to the gym and sparred with a couple people but that's it. I actually think for the most part that I am getting over her and I was just kinda angry at the time, I'm still working on emotional control and so I can still lose it a little but I calmed down and realized I wasn't so much as angry at not getting back together with her as I was at her for the way she treated me that day and how she tried to degrade whatever we had when we were together. More than anything I was angry at her for not even attempting to understand what I have lived with my whole life and will deal with until the day I die. The day I was diagnosed I was 8 years old and the doctor came out of his office and sat me down and told me straight up, he said "Zach, you have whats called bipolar disorder and ADHD, I know you don't understand what that means right now but I can tell you your life is not going to be an easy one, it's going to be hard and unfair and there will be days when you don't think you can take it anymore, you have to be strong now" I don't even remember my own 8th birthday party but I remember that day perfectly. He was right but now I'm getting stronger everyday.
I was in no contact with her for 32 days, it's strange because up until today I have thought about getting her back everyday, half the things I looked at reminded me of her, especially at first but no so much toward the end but it was still there, and today the only time she passed my mind was when my friends asked me how things were going between us and that's it. And the only reason I'm on here is because I left the window open on my computer. I still care about her no question but since this started I have seen a side of her that I hadn't seen before and I don't like it at all, I think maybe I ignored it because I thought it would go away if I got her back but not anymore. I can't be with someone who can be like that and I'm moving on, Because of you Kevin I woke up and spent the days improving myself and now I'm a happier person in general, I thank you for that. I'm going to finish getting the help with my bipolar that I should have gotten so long ago and then I'm going to find someone who is worth the time and makes me happy.
That's great Zach. Good luck. :)
Hi Everyone,
It’s been pretty nice having so many people that understand what were all going through and with everyone being so supportive of each other, it makes things so much easier. I am grateful to everyone who has commented on my post, you guys helped me out of some dark places, so thank you. I’d like to say its been fun guys but that would be a lie hahaha, I’m just happy I am moving past this time in my life. That being said I am still glad I have had the opportunity to talk to you guys, I hope the best for all of you. Kevin, its been great and I thank you so much for your help through this but I can honestly say I hope I never need your help again hahaha.
P.S. One last thing everyone, whenever you feel as if things are at their worst, just remember, when everything is dark and cold, even if you can’t see it, always know the sun is just over the horizon. So no matter how long the night last, the sun will rise again.
If you have ever watched the sun rise, than you know what it feels like to be kissed by the rays of the sun, those first few beams of light that run down your face, to be engulfed by that warmth that envelopes your entire body…its waiting for you!!!
“It’s always darkest just before the dawn”
Good Luck, and Goodbye.
Hey Zach,
Thank you for sharing us your secret. I should say that my younger brother also had some kind of mild bipolar. Almost everyone around knew that he has some kind of mental disorder, but he displayed it so cool that most of girls around would fall in love with him. I know that he dated sexiest girls of his school.
By reading the style you use in your comments to express your feelings, I can say that you are an intelligent person. Why don't you channel your intelligence, knowledge and energy into something useful? Girls terribly love men who are strong, intelligent, daring and successful. Ideally, this kind of man is hard to find but you can try to be one. Go for it my younger bro!!
Best of luck!
Dara
Hi Everyone,
It’s been pretty nice having so many people that understand what were all going through and with everyone being so supportive of each other, it makes things so much easier. I am grateful to everyone who has commented on my post, you guys helped me out of some dark places, so thank you. I’d like to say its been fun guys but that would be a lie hahaha, I’m just happy I am moving past this time in my life. That being said I am still glad I have had the opportunity to talk to you guys, I hope the best for all of you. Kevin, its been great and I thank you so much for your help through this but I can honestly say I hope I never need your help again hahaha.
P.S. One last thing everyone, whenever you feel as if things are at their worst, just remember, when everything is dark and cold, even if you can’t see it, always know the sun is just over the horizon. So no matter how long the night last, the sun will rise again.
If you have ever watched the sun rise, than you know what it feels like to be kissed by the rays of the sun, those first few beams of light that run down your face, to be engulfed by that warmth that envelopes your entire body…its waiting for you!!!
“It’s always darkest just before the dawn”
Good Luck, and Goodbye.
Hey Zach,
Thank you for sharing us your secret. I should say that my younger brother also had some kind of mild bipolar. Almost everyone around knew that he has some kind of mental disorder, but he displayed it so cool that most of girls around would fall in love with him. I know that he dated sexiest girls of his school.
By reading the style you use in your comments to express your feelings, I can say that you are an intelligent person. Why don't you channel your intelligence, knowledge and energy into something useful? Girls terribly love men who are strong, intelligent, daring and successful. Ideally, this kind of man is hard to find but you can try to be one. Go for it my younger bro!!
Best of luck!
Dara
Hi Everyone,
It’s been pretty nice having so many people that understand what were all going through and with everyone being so supportive of each other, it makes things so much easier. I am grateful to everyone who has commented on my post, you guys helped me out of some dark places, so thank you. I’d like to say its been fun guys but that would be a lie hahaha, I’m just happy I am moving past this time in my life. That being said I am still glad I have had the opportunity to talk to you guys, I hope the best for all of you. Kevin, its been great and I thank you so much for your help through this but I can honestly say I hope I never need your help again hahaha.
P.S. One last thing everyone, whenever you feel as if things are at their worst, just remember, when everything is dark and cold, even if you can’t see it, always know the sun is just over the horizon. So no matter how long the night last, the sun will rise again.
If you have ever watched the sun rise, than you know what it feels like to be kissed by the rays of the sun, those first few beams of light that run down your face, to be engulfed by that warmth that envelopes your entire body…its waiting for you!!!
“It’s always darkest just before the dawn”
Good Luck, and Goodbye.
Hey Zach,
Thank you for sharing us your secret. I should say that my younger brother also had some kind of mild bipolar. Almost everyone around knew that he has some kind of mental disorder, but he displayed it so cool that most of girls around would fall in love with him. I know that he dated sexiest girls of his school.
By reading the style you use in your comments to express your feelings, I can say that you are an intelligent person. Why don't you channel your intelligence, knowledge and energy into something useful? Girls terribly love men who are strong, intelligent, daring and successful. Ideally, this kind of man is hard to find but you can try to be one. Go for it my younger bro!!
Best of luck!
Dara
Hi Everyone,
It’s been pretty nice having so many people that understand what were all going through and with everyone being so supportive of each other, it makes things so much easier. I am grateful to everyone who has commented on my post, you guys helped me out of some dark places, so thank you. I’d like to say its been fun guys but that would be a lie hahaha, I’m just happy I am moving past this time in my life. That being said I am still glad I have had the opportunity to talk to you guys, I hope the best for all of you. Kevin, its been great and I thank you so much for your help through this but I can honestly say I hope I never need your help again hahaha.
P.S. One last thing everyone, whenever you feel as if things are at their worst, just remember, when everything is dark and cold, even if you can’t see it, always know the sun is just over the horizon. So no matter how long the night last, the sun will rise again.
If you have ever watched the sun rise, than you know what it feels like to be kissed by the rays of the sun, those first few beams of light that run down your face, to be engulfed by that warmth that envelopes your entire body…its waiting for you!!!
“It’s always darkest just before the dawn”
Good Luck, and Goodbye.
Hey Zach,
Thank you for sharing us your secret. I should say that my younger brother also had some kind of mild bipolar. Almost everyone around knew that he has some kind of mental disorder, but he displayed it so cool that most of girls around would fall in love with him. I know that he dated sexiest girls of his school.
By reading the style you use in your comments to express your feelings, I can say that you are an intelligent person. Why don't you channel your intelligence, knowledge and energy into something useful? Girls terribly love men who are strong, intelligent, daring and successful. Ideally, this kind of man is hard to find but you can try to be one. Go for it my younger bro!!
Best of luck!
Dara
Hi Everyone,
It’s been pretty nice having so many people that understand what were all going through and with everyone being so supportive of each other, it makes things so much easier. I am grateful to everyone who has commented on my post, you guys helped me out of some dark places, so thank you. I’d like to say its been fun guys but that would be a lie hahaha, I’m just happy I am moving past this time in my life. That being said I am still glad I have had the opportunity to talk to you guys, I hope the best for all of you. Kevin, its been great and I thank you so much for your help through this but I can honestly say I hope I never need your help again hahaha.
P.S. One last thing everyone, whenever you feel as if things are at their worst, just remember, when everything is dark and cold, even if you can’t see it, always know the sun is just over the horizon. So no matter how long the night last, the sun will rise again.
If you have ever watched the sun rise, than you know what it feels like to be kissed by the rays of the sun, those first few beams of light that run down your face, to be engulfed by that warmth that envelopes your entire body…its waiting for you!!!
“It’s always darkest just before the dawn”
Good Luck, and Goodbye.
Hey Zach,
Thank you for sharing us your secret. I should say that my younger brother also had some kind of mild bipolar. Almost everyone around knew that he has some kind of mental disorder, but he displayed it so cool that most of girls around would fall in love with him. I know that he dated sexiest girls of his school.
By reading the style you use in your comments to express your feelings, I can say that you are an intelligent person. Why don't you channel your intelligence, knowledge and energy into something useful? Girls terribly love men who are strong, intelligent, daring and successful. Ideally, this kind of man is hard to find but you can try to be one. Go for it my younger bro!!
Best of luck!
Dara
Zach,
I am glad that you somehow feel good now! It's really annoying to see that you have rough days lately. I'm sorry. Also, your view about religion is close to mine. This makes me feel that I have more common things with you.
About your sickness, I had a friend who had bipolar. He sometimes acted like you (you know what I mean) and felt comfortable after that but first of all, there were very few people who knew about it, not even his girlfriend probably until their relationship got serious. Secondly, he acted so cool that once a girlfriend of a mutual friend asked him for date and he simply won a girl who had already been taken by a much more good looking guy!!
I know that your pain was and is much deeper than mine. That is why, I recommend you more gym and even yoga! Also, I recommend you to search for sites regarding how to handle breakups! In short, they recommend avoiding anything that might remind you of them. In severe cases, simply change your town. Go to your grandparent's house for a week or more if you can.
Good luck my bro!!
Dara
Hey Dara,
It can be pretty rough at times and the best way I can describe it is that it's like a roller coaster, its all up and down with emotions. It can be awesome sometimes, when your at the top of that hill you are full of energy and nothing can touch you, but sooner or later just as the laws of physics dictate, what goes up must go down, and when I'm down I am usually an angry person, its different with everyone, but for me I get angry and sometimes I start to think I might turn green and grow ten times my size. But after the anger that's when the depression hits. But with proper medication, the effects can be lessened significantly, unfortunately I was and still am in the progress of medication changes. And as for the getting girls, its never been a problem, I not bragging and as you mentioned your friend stealing a girl, that's what I did with her. I think the reason why we can do that is because as Kevin mentions several times, confidence is key and its hard to compete with a bipolar high, your as confident as they come, however meds also reduce the high and that kinda stinks but its necessary because too high can become manic and that can be dangerous to someone, because when you feel like nothing can touch you long enough and if its high enough then a person can start to believe it they do thinks that get them killed. And once again I am feeling great today. So that is good, I hope everyone else has more success than I did.
Hey Dara,
It can be pretty rough at times and the best way I can describe it is that it's like a roller coaster, its all up and down with emotions. It can be awesome sometimes, when your at the top of that hill you are full of energy and nothing can touch you, but sooner or later just as the laws of physics dictate, what goes up must go down, and when I'm down I am usually an angry person, its different with everyone, but for me I get angry and sometimes I start to think I might turn green and grow ten times my size. But after the anger that's when the depression hits. But with proper medication, the effects can be lessened significantly, unfortunately I was and still am in the progress of medication changes. And as for the getting girls, its never been a problem, I not bragging and as you mentioned your friend stealing a girl, that's what I did with her. I think the reason why we can do that is because as Kevin mentions several times, confidence is key and its hard to compete with a bipolar high, your as confident as they come, however meds also reduce the high and that kinda stinks but its necessary because too high can become manic and that can be dangerous to someone, because when you feel like nothing can touch you long enough and if its high enough then a person can start to believe it they do thinks that get them killed. And once again I am feeling great today. So that is good, I hope everyone else has more success than I did.
Hey Dara,
It can be pretty rough at times and the best way I can describe it is that it's like a roller coaster, its all up and down with emotions. It can be awesome sometimes, when your at the top of that hill you are full of energy and nothing can touch you, but sooner or later just as the laws of physics dictate, what goes up must go down, and when I'm down I am usually an angry person, its different with everyone, but for me I get angry and sometimes I start to think I might turn green and grow ten times my size. But after the anger that's when the depression hits. But with proper medication, the effects can be lessened significantly, unfortunately I was and still am in the progress of medication changes. And as for the getting girls, its never been a problem, I not bragging and as you mentioned your friend stealing a girl, that's what I did with her. I think the reason why we can do that is because as Kevin mentions several times, confidence is key and its hard to compete with a bipolar high, your as confident as they come, however meds also reduce the high and that kinda stinks but its necessary because too high can become manic and that can be dangerous to someone, because when you feel like nothing can touch you long enough and if its high enough then a person can start to believe it they do thinks that get them killed. And once again I am feeling great today. So that is good, I hope everyone else has more success than I did.
Hey Dara,
It can be pretty rough at times and the best way I can describe it is that it's like a roller coaster, its all up and down with emotions. It can be awesome sometimes, when your at the top of that hill you are full of energy and nothing can touch you, but sooner or later just as the laws of physics dictate, what goes up must go down, and when I'm down I am usually an angry person, its different with everyone, but for me I get angry and sometimes I start to think I might turn green and grow ten times my size. But after the anger that's when the depression hits. But with proper medication, the effects can be lessened significantly, unfortunately I was and still am in the progress of medication changes. And as for the getting girls, its never been a problem, I not bragging and as you mentioned your friend stealing a girl, that's what I did with her. I think the reason why we can do that is because as Kevin mentions several times, confidence is key and its hard to compete with a bipolar high, your as confident as they come, however meds also reduce the high and that kinda stinks but its necessary because too high can become manic and that can be dangerous to someone, because when you feel like nothing can touch you long enough and if its high enough then a person can start to believe it they do thinks that get them killed. And once again I am feeling great today. So that is good, I hope everyone else has more success than I did.
Hey Dara,
It can be pretty rough at times and the best way I can describe it is that it's like a roller coaster, its all up and down with emotions. It can be awesome sometimes, when your at the top of that hill you are full of energy and nothing can touch you, but sooner or later just as the laws of physics dictate, what goes up must go down, and when I'm down I am usually an angry person, its different with everyone, but for me I get angry and sometimes I start to think I might turn green and grow ten times my size. But after the anger that's when the depression hits. But with proper medication, the effects can be lessened significantly, unfortunately I was and still am in the progress of medication changes. And as for the getting girls, its never been a problem, I not bragging and as you mentioned your friend stealing a girl, that's what I did with her. I think the reason why we can do that is because as Kevin mentions several times, confidence is key and its hard to compete with a bipolar high, your as confident as they come, however meds also reduce the high and that kinda stinks but its necessary because too high can become manic and that can be dangerous to someone, because when you feel like nothing can touch you long enough and if its high enough then a person can start to believe it they do thinks that get them killed. And once again I am feeling great today. So that is good, I hope everyone else has more success than I did.
That's great Zach. Good luck. :)
Zach,
I am glad that you somehow feel good now! It's really annoying to see that you have rough days lately. I'm sorry. Also, your view about religion is close to mine. This makes me feel that I have more common things with you.
About your sickness, I had a friend who had bipolar. He sometimes acted like you (you know what I mean) and felt comfortable after that but first of all, there were very few people who knew about it, not even his girlfriend probably until their relationship got serious. Secondly, he acted so cool that once a girlfriend of a mutual friend asked him for date and he simply won a girl who had already been taken by a much more good looking guy!!
I know that your pain was and is much deeper than mine. That is why, I recommend you more gym and even yoga! Also, I recommend you to search for sites regarding how to handle breakups! In short, they recommend avoiding anything that might remind you of them. In severe cases, simply change your town. Go to your grandparent's house for a week or more if you can.
Good luck my bro!!
Dara
That's great Zach. Good luck. :)
Zach,
I am glad that you somehow feel good now! It's really annoying to see that you have rough days lately. I'm sorry. Also, your view about religion is close to mine. This makes me feel that I have more common things with you.
About your sickness, I had a friend who had bipolar. He sometimes acted like you (you know what I mean) and felt comfortable after that but first of all, there were very few people who knew about it, not even his girlfriend probably until their relationship got serious. Secondly, he acted so cool that once a girlfriend of a mutual friend asked him for date and he simply won a girl who had already been taken by a much more good looking guy!!
I know that your pain was and is much deeper than mine. That is why, I recommend you more gym and even yoga! Also, I recommend you to search for sites regarding how to handle breakups! In short, they recommend avoiding anything that might remind you of them. In severe cases, simply change your town. Go to your grandparent's house for a week or more if you can.
Good luck my bro!!
Dara
That's great Zach. Good luck. :)
Zach,
I am glad that you somehow feel good now! It's really annoying to see that you have rough days lately. I'm sorry. Also, your view about religion is close to mine. This makes me feel that I have more common things with you.
About your sickness, I had a friend who had bipolar. He sometimes acted like you (you know what I mean) and felt comfortable after that but first of all, there were very few people who knew about it, not even his girlfriend probably until their relationship got serious. Secondly, he acted so cool that once a girlfriend of a mutual friend asked him for date and he simply won a girl who had already been taken by a much more good looking guy!!
I know that your pain was and is much deeper than mine. That is why, I recommend you more gym and even yoga! Also, I recommend you to search for sites regarding how to handle breakups! In short, they recommend avoiding anything that might remind you of them. In severe cases, simply change your town. Go to your grandparent's house for a week or more if you can.
Good luck my bro!!
Dara
Strangely I feel better now, and I didn't ever go out and any do of that stuff I felt like doing, I only went to the gym and sparred with a couple people but that's it. I actually think for the most part that I am getting over her and I was just kinda angry at the time, I'm still working on emotional control and so I can still lose it a little but I calmed down and realized I wasn't so much as angry at not getting back together with her as I was at her for the way she treated me that day and how she tried to degrade whatever we had when we were together. More than anything I was angry at her for not even attempting to understand what I have lived with my whole life and will deal with until the day I die. The day I was diagnosed I was 8 years old and the doctor came out of his office and sat me down and told me straight up, he said "Zach, you have whats called bipolar disorder and ADHD, I know you don't understand what that means right now but I can tell you your life is not going to be an easy one, it's going to be hard and unfair and there will be days when you don't think you can take it anymore, you have to be strong now" I don't even remember my own 8th birthday party but I remember that day perfectly. He was right but now I'm getting stronger everyday.
I was in no contact with her for 32 days, it's strange because up until today I have thought about getting her back everyday, half the things I looked at reminded me of her, especially at first but no so much toward the end but it was still there, and today the only time she passed my mind was when my friends asked me how things were going between us and that's it. And the only reason I'm on here is because I left the window open on my computer. I still care about her no question but since this started I have seen a side of her that I hadn't seen before and I don't like it at all, I think maybe I ignored it because I thought it would go away if I got her back but not anymore. I can't be with someone who can be like that and I'm moving on, Because of you Kevin I woke up and spent the days improving myself and now I'm a happier person in general, I thank you for that. I'm going to finish getting the help with my bipolar that I should have gotten so long ago and then I'm going to find someone who is worth the time and makes me happy.
Strangely I feel better now, and I didn't ever go out and any do of that stuff I felt like doing, I only went to the gym and sparred with a couple people but that's it. I actually think for the most part that I am getting over her and I was just kinda angry at the time, I'm still working on emotional control and so I can still lose it a little but I calmed down and realized I wasn't so much as angry at not getting back together with her as I was at her for the way she treated me that day and how she tried to degrade whatever we had when we were together. More than anything I was angry at her for not even attempting to understand what I have lived with my whole life and will deal with until the day I die. The day I was diagnosed I was 8 years old and the doctor came out of his office and sat me down and told me straight up, he said "Zach, you have whats called bipolar disorder and ADHD, I know you don't understand what that means right now but I can tell you your life is not going to be an easy one, it's going to be hard and unfair and there will be days when you don't think you can take it anymore, you have to be strong now" I don't even remember my own 8th birthday party but I remember that day perfectly. He was right but now I'm getting stronger everyday.
I was in no contact with her for 32 days, it's strange because up until today I have thought about getting her back everyday, half the things I looked at reminded me of her, especially at first but no so much toward the end but it was still there, and today the only time she passed my mind was when my friends asked me how things were going between us and that's it. And the only reason I'm on here is because I left the window open on my computer. I still care about her no question but since this started I have seen a side of her that I hadn't seen before and I don't like it at all, I think maybe I ignored it because I thought it would go away if I got her back but not anymore. I can't be with someone who can be like that and I'm moving on, Because of you Kevin I woke up and spent the days improving myself and now I'm a happier person in general, I thank you for that. I'm going to finish getting the help with my bipolar that I should have gotten so long ago and then I'm going to find someone who is worth the time and makes me happy.
*Comment Removed*
I don't think this is the place for all of what you are doing. You are becoming almost offensive.
Hey Britt,
I sincerely apologize for saying those things, even angry I shouldn't have said them. In all honesty, I envy those with religion, to posses the faith to believe in something like that. I myself however do not posses the ability to do so, I have tried many time but couldn't find it. I have turned my attention to study some small portions of Buddhism, but only the ethical values it teaches and its teachings of mastering one's self. Perhaps if I can do that then I will at last find some measure of peace inside myself.
Hey Britt,
I sincerely apologize for saying those things, even angry I shouldn't have said them. In all honesty, I envy those with religion, to posses the faith to believe in something like that. I myself however do not posses the ability to do so, I have tried many time but couldn't find it. I have turned my attention to study some small portions of Buddhism, but only the ethical values it teaches and its teachings of mastering one's self. Perhaps if I can do that then I will at last find some measure of peace inside myself.
Hey Britt,
I sincerely apologize for saying those things, even angry I shouldn't have said them. In all honesty, I envy those with religion, to posses the faith to believe in something like that. I myself however do not posses the ability to do so, I have tried many time but couldn't find it. I have turned my attention to study some small portions of Buddhism, but only the ethical values it teaches and its teachings of mastering one's self. Perhaps if I can do that then I will at last find some measure of peace inside myself.
Hey Britt,
I sincerely apologize for saying those things, even angry I shouldn't have said them. In all honesty, I envy those with religion, to posses the faith to believe in something like that. I myself however do not posses the ability to do so, I have tried many time but couldn't find it. I have turned my attention to study some small portions of Buddhism, but only the ethical values it teaches and its teachings of mastering one's self. Perhaps if I can do that then I will at last find some measure of peace inside myself.
I was just about to come on here and ask for an update to your story Zach. Read all of your comments and was wondering what was going on. I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't understand why my ex is so cold and indifferent either but I'm only on day 5 of NC. We just got back from an insanely expensive vacation and I also spent a ton of $ on gifts for her. But got dumped before I could even propose.
I know a lot of where I went wrong - insecurities and jealousy as a result of my first ex who had a string of affairs. I never fully resolved the fallout from that relationship. I'm praying that the advice Kevin offers will give me a chance. But she's so cold, like I never even existed in her life at all. Pictures from our trip a few weeks back show a happy couple. And then to come to this a short time later.
I was angry at God too when my 13 year relationship with my first ex ended in infidelity. I told him to just fucking kill me you sob etc. I really lost it. And although I'm not very religious, my life has been a curse ever since. It's like the universe finds ways of providing elements of happiness only to snatch it away from me in a crushing way. I can't take much more either. I have everything I had to this new relationship and now I've nothing left to give.
hey zach,
almost most of us have been there before,and i know it sucks.first of all you didn't act the way you were supposed to like kevin said below my post the other day and second of all it's your right to be happy and party and do whatever you want.she was the one who left you and you have all the rights in the world to act the way you like and put yourself before her.but you don't have to be disappointed .maybe you made it harder to get back but you can always find a way.these are all some effective psychologies that if you make an effort to do it right,you can probably increase your chances.i think they are always two types of people who can't get their exes back. the ones who are overacting in emotions and the ones who give up and feel disappointed so early.you need to be calm,even though you feel terrible right now but i think you can get over this.be happy and enjoy your life,take some more time to heal,and also give her some more space.you need to be a totally happy person without her,then you can handle everything the way you want.this time you can understand the phase better and choose the right way.trust me when she notices the new you she'll be wondering why your not interested in her anymore.anyways i know your gonna be fine.just don't make it any harder for yourself.
Thanks a-z,
I know I shouldn't have tried to talk to her after I informed her of the thing; but your right I did let my self go a little, not much, it was just a few questions. I guess it was the way she turned it down that got to me. I think for now the best thing for me to do is to find someone else and move on but at the very least I would like to be friends with her again one day. I'm also just a little worried about her, she is not a very self-confident person, I have yet to find out why but she just isn't, I worried she is gonna let some asshole take advantage of her and I know one will, my school is notoriously famous for it's sexual activeness. We have almost twice as many pregnancies a year as the other four schools combined. The guys there aren't really concerned with much other than getting there dicks wet, trust me on that one, I was kinda one of them but I was still better than most because I never fooled a girl into thinking anything I wasn't. I was straight up and honest with them and I was really surprised it worked the first time I tried it. But as for most of the guys there, they don't give a fuck, they will get a girl to love them and then sleep with them and when they get bored they drop them and find another or worse they don't drop them but still find another. I will say this ladies, and please don't take offense to this, but you girls can be pretty damn stupid when you have hearts and sparkles in your heads.
hi zach, i feel for you as we have all been there. i think what you need to do is restart NC. it sounds like you have been in contact with her. during NC, you must resist all temptation to interact with her at all. i also suggest taking her off any social media you might have friended her on so you are not tempted to peek and obsess. we all get obsessive after a breakup, but it isn't going to help you heal and focus on yourself. it sounds like you might do some NC but not focus on yourself (rather than on her).. so i would suggest doing this, and really just focusing on yourself. only when you feel you have stopped obsessing abut her and feel good about yourself do you make contact with her, as kevin suggests. this may be 1 month, this may be 2 or more months. give yourself the space you really need to get over things and work on yourself first.
hi zach, i feel for you as we have all been there. i think what you need to do is restart NC. it sounds like you have been in contact with her. during NC, you must resist all temptation to interact with her at all. i also suggest taking her off any social media you might have friended her on so you are not tempted to peek and obsess. we all get obsessive after a breakup, but it isn't going to help you heal and focus on yourself. it sounds like you might do some NC but not focus on yourself (rather than on her).. so i would suggest doing this, and really just focusing on yourself. only when you feel you have stopped obsessing abut her and feel good about yourself do you make contact with her, as kevin suggests. this may be 1 month, this may be 2 or more months. give yourself the space you really need to get over things and work on yourself first.
hi zach, i feel for you as we have all been there. i think what you need to do is restart NC. it sounds like you have been in contact with her. during NC, you must resist all temptation to interact with her at all. i also suggest taking her off any social media you might have friended her on so you are not tempted to peek and obsess. we all get obsessive after a breakup, but it isn't going to help you heal and focus on yourself. it sounds like you might do some NC but not focus on yourself (rather than on her).. so i would suggest doing this, and really just focusing on yourself. only when you feel you have stopped obsessing abut her and feel good about yourself do you make contact with her, as kevin suggests. this may be 1 month, this may be 2 or more months. give yourself the space you really need to get over things and work on yourself first.
hi zach, i feel for you as we have all been there. i think what you need to do is restart NC. it sounds like you have been in contact with her. during NC, you must resist all temptation to interact with her at all. i also suggest taking her off any social media you might have friended her on so you are not tempted to peek and obsess. we all get obsessive after a breakup, but it isn't going to help you heal and focus on yourself. it sounds like you might do some NC but not focus on yourself (rather than on her).. so i would suggest doing this, and really just focusing on yourself. only when you feel you have stopped obsessing abut her and feel good about yourself do you make contact with her, as kevin suggests. this may be 1 month, this may be 2 or more months. give yourself the space you really need to get over things and work on yourself first.
hi zach, i feel for you as we have all been there. i think what you need to do is restart NC. it sounds like you have been in contact with her. during NC, you must resist all temptation to interact with her at all. i also suggest taking her off any social media you might have friended her on so you are not tempted to peek and obsess. we all get obsessive after a breakup, but it isn't going to help you heal and focus on yourself. it sounds like you might do some NC but not focus on yourself (rather than on her).. so i would suggest doing this, and really just focusing on yourself. only when you feel you have stopped obsessing abut her and feel good about yourself do you make contact with her, as kevin suggests. this may be 1 month, this may be 2 or more months. give yourself the space you really need to get over things and work on yourself first.
Thanks a-z,
I know I shouldn't have tried to talk to her after I informed her of the thing; but your right I did let my self go a little, not much, it was just a few questions. I guess it was the way she turned it down that got to me. I think for now the best thing for me to do is to find someone else and move on but at the very least I would like to be friends with her again one day. I'm also just a little worried about her, she is not a very self-confident person, I have yet to find out why but she just isn't, I worried she is gonna let some asshole take advantage of her and I know one will, my school is notoriously famous for it's sexual activeness. We have almost twice as many pregnancies a year as the other four schools combined. The guys there aren't really concerned with much other than getting there dicks wet, trust me on that one, I was kinda one of them but I was still better than most because I never fooled a girl into thinking anything I wasn't. I was straight up and honest with them and I was really surprised it worked the first time I tried it. But as for most of the guys there, they don't give a fuck, they will get a girl to love them and then sleep with them and when they get bored they drop them and find another or worse they don't drop them but still find another. I will say this ladies, and please don't take offense to this, but you girls can be pretty damn stupid when you have hearts and sparkles in your heads.
Thanks a-z,
I know I shouldn't have tried to talk to her after I informed her of the thing; but your right I did let my self go a little, not much, it was just a few questions. I guess it was the way she turned it down that got to me. I think for now the best thing for me to do is to find someone else and move on but at the very least I would like to be friends with her again one day. I'm also just a little worried about her, she is not a very self-confident person, I have yet to find out why but she just isn't, I worried she is gonna let some asshole take advantage of her and I know one will, my school is notoriously famous for it's sexual activeness. We have almost twice as many pregnancies a year as the other four schools combined. The guys there aren't really concerned with much other than getting there dicks wet, trust me on that one, I was kinda one of them but I was still better than most because I never fooled a girl into thinking anything I wasn't. I was straight up and honest with them and I was really surprised it worked the first time I tried it. But as for most of the guys there, they don't give a fuck, they will get a girl to love them and then sleep with them and when they get bored they drop them and find another or worse they don't drop them but still find another. I will say this ladies, and please don't take offense to this, but you girls can be pretty damn stupid when you have hearts and sparkles in your heads.
Thanks a-z,
I know I shouldn't have tried to talk to her after I informed her of the thing; but your right I did let my self go a little, not much, it was just a few questions. I guess it was the way she turned it down that got to me. I think for now the best thing for me to do is to find someone else and move on but at the very least I would like to be friends with her again one day. I'm also just a little worried about her, she is not a very self-confident person, I have yet to find out why but she just isn't, I worried she is gonna let some asshole take advantage of her and I know one will, my school is notoriously famous for it's sexual activeness. We have almost twice as many pregnancies a year as the other four schools combined. The guys there aren't really concerned with much other than getting there dicks wet, trust me on that one, I was kinda one of them but I was still better than most because I never fooled a girl into thinking anything I wasn't. I was straight up and honest with them and I was really surprised it worked the first time I tried it. But as for most of the guys there, they don't give a fuck, they will get a girl to love them and then sleep with them and when they get bored they drop them and find another or worse they don't drop them but still find another. I will say this ladies, and please don't take offense to this, but you girls can be pretty damn stupid when you have hearts and sparkles in your heads.
I don't think this is the place for all of what you are doing. You are becoming almost offensive.
I was just about to come on here and ask for an update to your story Zach. Read all of your comments and was wondering what was going on. I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't understand why my ex is so cold and indifferent either but I'm only on day 5 of NC. We just got back from an insanely expensive vacation and I also spent a ton of $ on gifts for her. But got dumped before I could even propose.
I know a lot of where I went wrong - insecurities and jealousy as a result of my first ex who had a string of affairs. I never fully resolved the fallout from that relationship. I'm praying that the advice Kevin offers will give me a chance. But she's so cold, like I never even existed in her life at all. Pictures from our trip a few weeks back show a happy couple. And then to come to this a short time later.
I was angry at God too when my 13 year relationship with my first ex ended in infidelity. I told him to just fucking kill me you sob etc. I really lost it. And although I'm not very religious, my life has been a curse ever since. It's like the universe finds ways of providing elements of happiness only to snatch it away from me in a crushing way. I can't take much more either. I have everything I had to this new relationship and now I've nothing left to give.
hey zach,
almost most of us have been there before,and i know it sucks.first of all you didn't act the way you were supposed to like kevin said below my post the other day and second of all it's your right to be happy and party and do whatever you want.she was the one who left you and you have all the rights in the world to act the way you like and put yourself before her.but you don't have to be disappointed .maybe you made it harder to get back but you can always find a way.these are all some effective psychologies that if you make an effort to do it right,you can probably increase your chances.i think they are always two types of people who can't get their exes back. the ones who are overacting in emotions and the ones who give up and feel disappointed so early.you need to be calm,even though you feel terrible right now but i think you can get over this.be happy and enjoy your life,take some more time to heal,and also give her some more space.you need to be a totally happy person without her,then you can handle everything the way you want.this time you can understand the phase better and choose the right way.trust me when she notices the new you she'll be wondering why your not interested in her anymore.anyways i know your gonna be fine.just don't make it any harder for yourself.
I don't think this is the place for all of what you are doing. You are becoming almost offensive.
I was just about to come on here and ask for an update to your story Zach. Read all of your comments and was wondering what was going on. I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't understand why my ex is so cold and indifferent either but I'm only on day 5 of NC. We just got back from an insanely expensive vacation and I also spent a ton of $ on gifts for her. But got dumped before I could even propose.
I know a lot of where I went wrong - insecurities and jealousy as a result of my first ex who had a string of affairs. I never fully resolved the fallout from that relationship. I'm praying that the advice Kevin offers will give me a chance. But she's so cold, like I never even existed in her life at all. Pictures from our trip a few weeks back show a happy couple. And then to come to this a short time later.
I was angry at God too when my 13 year relationship with my first ex ended in infidelity. I told him to just fucking kill me you sob etc. I really lost it. And although I'm not very religious, my life has been a curse ever since. It's like the universe finds ways of providing elements of happiness only to snatch it away from me in a crushing way. I can't take much more either. I have everything I had to this new relationship and now I've nothing left to give.
hey zach,
almost most of us have been there before,and i know it sucks.first of all you didn't act the way you were supposed to like kevin said below my post the other day and second of all it's your right to be happy and party and do whatever you want.she was the one who left you and you have all the rights in the world to act the way you like and put yourself before her.but you don't have to be disappointed .maybe you made it harder to get back but you can always find a way.these are all some effective psychologies that if you make an effort to do it right,you can probably increase your chances.i think they are always two types of people who can't get their exes back. the ones who are overacting in emotions and the ones who give up and feel disappointed so early.you need to be calm,even though you feel terrible right now but i think you can get over this.be happy and enjoy your life,take some more time to heal,and also give her some more space.you need to be a totally happy person without her,then you can handle everything the way you want.this time you can understand the phase better and choose the right way.trust me when she notices the new you she'll be wondering why your not interested in her anymore.anyways i know your gonna be fine.just don't make it any harder for yourself.
Hey Zach,
I am sorry it didn't work out for you. I really am. However, I want to warn you that getting drunk, fighting, or even getting high is not going to cure the pain. It's like putting bandage on a broken bone. Sure, it might make you forget the pain for a while. But it will not make it go away. If you want to party, go ahead, but don't overindulge in alcohol. It's the worst way to get over a breakup. If it becomes a habit, you won't even realize where the next 5-10 years of your life went.
Also, the fact that you feel like this right now means that you never really followed the plan. You never really finished the most important part of the no contact. During no contact, you have to accept the fact that your relationship is over and realize that even if you don't get your ex back, you'll be OK. It sure doesn't seem like you are OK with not getting her back in your life.
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Kevin,
I didnt receive a response from one of my recent posts. Its kind of long but not by much. Sorry, i just dont know if you have seen it or not. thanks. :)
Today is my 30th day of NC. I feel awesome. Im good to go. A bit neevous but i guess its part of the chase.
I plan to contact her on the 16th because that is 3month anniversary of our breakup.
Is it pretty good idea? Also i might have overlooked your reply on one of my recent posts. Cant see your reply.
Thanks kevin. Wish me luck! All the luck in the world. :)
Okay, so this situation is extremely ridiculous because it's been 2 years since I was involved with this person. Long story short, there was no contact until he messaged me but never responded, then I sent a letter which he ignored. After 4 months he messaged me from his other facebook profile (I was blocked from his main) but he ended up messing with my head and saying it wasnt him, but thats when I saw I was unblocked from his main..this began a long silent treatment from him, being blocked/unblocked 7 times, him giving me his number just to tell me to never contact him again or he'll file harassment charges. All ive done is ask him to make amends with me, and he's messed with my head by saying he'll respond to one more message "for a while" but never did, and is STILL HOLDING A GRUDGE..hes mixed nice words of wishing me well with calling me names like a crack whore (thats not the exact phrase, but same idea). My point is, at first my attempts to communicate were months apart, then with each ambiguous, contradictory, angry response (2-3 @ a time only, months apart) I started trying weekly, and now hes accused me of stalking him which is a stretch by any means...ive talked with him twice in person, he was congenial both times, told me he'd talk to me or be cool with me, just to threaten harassment charges again..
I get that he has issues, but obviously so do I because yes, I haven't moved on after 2 years...but he honestly hasn't made that easy because he's given me the impression he's still affected by me enough to punish me with the silent treatment and accuse me of insulting lies...I'm obviously not okay with letting it go esp after letting my life be on standby in a sense for 2 years..so if you have any ideas at all on how to get him to stop playing games and just be straight up with me, PLEASEPLEASE let me know..thanks.
Hey Nicole,
Would you be willing to spend another 3-4 years pursuing him without any results. Because there's no guarantee that you will get him back, no matter what you do. Your best bet is to do NC for 6 months and then get back in touch. Block him from everything in those 6 months. But you should seriously consider moving on in those six months.
Hey Nicole,
Would you be willing to spend another 3-4 years pursuing him without any results. Because there's no guarantee that you will get him back, no matter what you do. Your best bet is to do NC for 6 months and then get back in touch. Block him from everything in those 6 months. But you should seriously consider moving on in those six months.
Kevin and Others,
I want to thank you all for helping me through all this! Early in Mar my ex gf broke up with me and I was confused. I wasn't sure what to do or was she. She did the whole I want you back approach and I wasn't sure what I wanted so I ignored it. I hanged out with her a few times in Mar and we had fun and I made mistakes which I said a while back in previous comments
I followed Kevin's NC guidelines and it does wonders. I went from a nervous, desperate, unattractive guy to a happier and confidant guy. I didn't follow Kevin's plan till late March and by the middle of April I changed into something better I've never been. I've lost 20 lbs, I'm eating a healthier diet, I'm taking much better care of myself even before I went out with her for almost 7 months.
I'm finally confident enough to contact her and see how she has been doing. She's been texting random questions lately so it seems the communication lines are open and she's not being cold by ignoring me. So for now I'm going to continue with my life and get back in touch with her and see how it goes from there. I'll going to hopefully ask her out for drinks or something in the coming week and this time I feel that things will be better and I won't be canceled on.
Even if I don't get her back or I just get her back as a friend. I'll be happy with whatever the result is. The other people that just broke up or have been for a while, I've read your stories and I can relate to them somewhat and I hope for the best. For a free service, Kevin does a lot for everyone of us and I appreciate everything he has done. His comments to everybody and his emails are amazing and are insightful.
Anyway, sorry for the long comment but thanks to everyone here and I wish the best for all of you and I'll hopefully return in the future with my new story.
-Chris
Cheers Chris! Waiting to hear from you! Good luck!!
Cheers Chris! Waiting to hear from you! Good luck!!
Hello,
I have a very complicated situation and I am hoping that maybe you can help me out. I will try to keep it as short as possible.
My ex boyfriend and I dated for over 2 years. I ended the relationship when I was 8 months pregnant because I had suspicion of him cheating on me..Sure enough, my suspicions were right..He ended up getting into a relationship with the girl that I thought he was cheating with within two weeks of us breaking up, although he swears that he never cheated.
We have been broken up for about 4 months now. He moved this girl into the home that we shared within two weeks of dating her. They are still together, but...
Our son is now 6 weeks old, and for the last 6 to 8 weeks, he has been telling e how unhappy he is, he still loves me, etc,etc,etc
I finally told him that if he left her, I would give him another chance and he said thats exactly what he was going to do..We have kissed, sent numerous text, and talked behind her back for weeks now, but for some reason he doesn't have the heart to kick her out. He keeps telling me to be patient and he loves me, but honestly, I am starting to feel used at this point and I feel like he is just trying to prevent me from moving on.\
If he loved me that much, then why is it taking so long for him to break up with her? I just don't understand!
In any case, I ended up telling him that I wanted no more contact and I was moving on with my life because I feel like he has had long enough and I am tired of waiting and hurting. Was that the right thing to say? I am afraid that maybe it will push him closer to her because he is upset about me not talking to him anymore
I do want to be with him, but I am just tired if sharing with with her, and I am ready to find peace again, even if it's without him.
Any advice...Please help!!
Thank you! :)
It was definitely the right thing to do. If he meant what he said, then he will break up with her and reach out to you. If he doesn't, that means he was just using you, in which case, you are better off without him.
It was definitely the right thing to do. If he meant what he said, then he will break up with her and reach out to you. If he doesn't, that means he was just using you, in which case, you are better off without him.
I and my ex-boyfriend have broke up a few months back and i appear at his house the other day and he run away . Why did my ex-boyfriend run away when he sees me ?
I could be a lot of reason. Perhaps he was surprised. Perhaps you did a lot of mistakes after the breakup which made him scared of you. You should follow the 5 step plan.
I could be a lot of reason. Perhaps he was surprised. Perhaps you did a lot of mistakes after the breakup which made him scared of you. You should follow the 5 step plan.
Kevin, as soon as you reply on this comment ill contact her. What can you suggest to be my frst approach with her? I already sent her the letter suggested above beforw. You alsod told me to follow steps in drift but i think its not applicable to me because im the one to initiate friendship. Maybe the text suggested above? Just want your suggestion thanks. :)
Yes, use the text suggested above.
Yes, use the text suggested above.
Kevin,
Thank you for being a great support. I would like to know if in my situation, since we didn't have a normal break up and our separation was due to circumstances would I be in the drift stage or death's door (since he's disappeared). Also, he agreed to keep some of my belongings with him the last time we spoke about few weeks ago, do you think that's a sign that he would want to see me again? Throughout the relationship he kept telling me 'I want 'us' to work and I don't ever want to lose you', do you think he still feels that way although we're apart? I must admit I feel stronger, I'm doing things to improve my life situation although in small steps and I am looking after myself so hopefully by the time I text in a month time I'll be strong enough so that if he ignores my text hopefully I would be in the stage of 'accepting we're not for each other'... But from your point of view do you think we have a chance together? thanks heaps
hey Kevin my name is Leo Wright I use the NC rule for 30 day with my EX she found out I was cheated with my other EX that I left her for see we been dating for year but she said that we were never girlfriend and boyfriend and we never had sex I did say I wanted to wait for marriage but we would lay together naked i'm a man I want to have sex but push me away each long story short I cheated with my EX for sex after she said that she couldn't deal with this and more the day before she said I not her boyfriend WHAT DO I DO???
Do NC again, for at least 2-3 months. Why do you want to be with someone who wouldn't have sex with you? There are a lot of girls out there who will have sex with their boyfriends. Why don't you find someone who will?
Do NC again, for at least 2-3 months. Why do you want to be with someone who wouldn't have sex with you? There are a lot of girls out there who will have sex with their boyfriends. Why don't you find someone who will?
Do NC again, for at least 2-3 months. Why do you want to be with someone who wouldn't have sex with you? There are a lot of girls out there who will have sex with their boyfriends. Why don't you find someone who will?
When I check his 'last seen' on whatsapp he's on it everyday (but only once or twice maximum), so he is either going through old messages or talking to someone and even if it's briefly he is talking to someone it seems. In the beginning, I bombarded his brother with messages to ask about him and his brother kept telling me that he's not talking to anyone but I'm not sure I believe that. I haven't messaged him or his brother since May 22 but been updating my profile from time to time and I'm sure his brother would tell him any new news I post, but I keep checking his brother's facebook page to see how my ex is doing since he's gone cold with facebook as well (not that he was that active in the first place). I'm thinking of messaging him 6 July cos that's when we met and send him the 'something remind me of you' text but what is the best question to ask him to instigate a response other than 'how are you?' I'll ask him that as well, but I want to ask something he'll want to answer, should I mention something about the books I left behind? or maybe an advice of some sort? Thanks kevin
Hey Rihanna,
The book thing and advice both look like a good option.
Hey Rihanna,
The book thing and advice both look like a good option.
Hey Rihanna,
The book thing and advice both look like a good option.
Hey Rihanna,
I think you are in drift. However, since he is going through depression, I don't think you can apply the tactics in the drift stage unless he is ready to start communicating.
hey Kevin my name is Leo Wright I use the NC rule for 30 day with my EX she found out I was cheated with my other EX that I left her for see we been dating for year but she said that we were never girlfriend and boyfriend and we never had sex I did say I wanted to wait for marriage but we would lay together naked i'm a man I want to have sex but push me away each long story short I cheated with my EX for sex after she said that she couldn't deal with this and more the day before she said I not her boyfriend WHAT DO I DO???
When I check his 'last seen' on whatsapp he's on it everyday (but only once or twice maximum), so he is either going through old messages or talking to someone and even if it's briefly he is talking to someone it seems. In the beginning, I bombarded his brother with messages to ask about him and his brother kept telling me that he's not talking to anyone but I'm not sure I believe that. I haven't messaged him or his brother since May 22 but been updating my profile from time to time and I'm sure his brother would tell him any new news I post, but I keep checking his brother's facebook page to see how my ex is doing since he's gone cold with facebook as well (not that he was that active in the first place). I'm thinking of messaging him 6 July cos that's when we met and send him the 'something remind me of you' text but what is the best question to ask him to instigate a response other than 'how are you?' I'll ask him that as well, but I want to ask something he'll want to answer, should I mention something about the books I left behind? or maybe an advice of some sort? Thanks kevin
Hey Rihanna,
I think you are in drift. However, since he is going through depression, I don't think you can apply the tactics in the drift stage unless he is ready to start communicating.
Hey Kevin. So me and my boyfriend were dating for bout 1 year n 6 mo, now recently we broke up, unfortunately it was my fault. Lately he wasnt giving me the attention I wanted and always leaving to go hang out with his friends, now I was really stressing because I didnt know if he was cheating or what was goin on. So I needed to vent and talk to someone because he wasnt around much so I couldn't talk to him, so I told one of my friends and she said her and her guy were going through something similar so she was just talking to guys on an app, she ended up convincing me so I tried it. I was talking to a guy. I wasnt looking to cheat or anything I think I was just looking for attention, so my boyfriend found out about it the very next day and said he was done and said I was cheating but I only talked to one guy and I wasnt trying to meet up with him, I tried to talk to him and as you said not to do I did. I begged and cried but nothing, I havent been able to sleep nor eat im so streesed I just want him back, also we do live together. Im thinking bout goin to my moms for a bit and give him his space to see if we can work it out again. Please help
It's a good idea to go to your moms. If possible, be there for at least a month.
It's a good idea to go to your moms. If possible, be there for at least a month.
Kevin,
Im confused. I cant follow all the steps in relationship rewind. Like setting up a gig for a group. We are not so close to our respective groups. And it will be hard because we ate not always available. Although i i think i can set up some coffe pr movie dates pnce we are okay again. I guess i have to listen more to tour advices. But i also picked up useful tips and steps in relationship rewind i just cant implement everything.
Thanks kevin.
I hope she accepts me when i reach out
Even though I've tried to make a one size fits all guide over here (and so has Ryan), it will not apply to every situation. Relationships are complicated and it'll be next to impossible to have a guide that fits to every situation.
Even though I've tried to make a one size fits all guide over here (and so has Ryan), it will not apply to every situation. Relationships are complicated and it'll be next to impossible to have a guide that fits to every situation.
Hey.. kevin is there a way to contact u personally?
Hey Dew,
Due to the overwhelming amount of people contacting me and commenting on the website, it's no longer possible for me to reply to emails. Sorry.
Its ok..anyways you're doing a great job. :-)
Its ok..anyways you're doing a great job. :-)
Its ok..anyways you're doing a great job. :-)
Hey Dew,
Due to the overwhelming amount of people contacting me and commenting on the website, it's no longer possible for me to reply to emails. Sorry.
Hi Kevin,
I left you a comment, but I can't seem to find it.
Hey Trina,
I can't find it either. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hey Trina,
I can't find it either. Please read the comments guidelines before posting.
Hi Kevin,
I would really appreciate your advice. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this, I feel helpless. My ex girlfriend (28 y.o.) and I (33 y.o.) have been dating on and off for the past 7 years. This last time for 3 years. Her parents don't like me because we got into a little debt when we were younger. We have tried staying away from each other but we've always been drawn back to each other. We've continued to see each other behind her parents backs. There's a lot of pressure there to stay away from me.
I thought we were finally heading in the right direction. But a couple of weeks back I discovered that she has been seeing another guy for the last 3 months. I confronted her about it and she apologised. I met with her parents to talk about us after I found out and they were shocked to learn she was still seeing me. My ex was furious that I spoke to her parents and now refuses to speak to me. Saying I had ruined her life. I bombarded her with texts and calls for the first couple of days. Then I saw her a few days after I had seen her parents. I asked her what she wanted and she said she didn't know, that I had no idea what was going on inside her. I love this girl so much. I just want us to have a real, honest chance to be happy together without all the lies. The last text from her was "I don't have anything to say to you at this point in time."
It appears that her parents are supporting this new relationship. Taking my ex and her new boyfriend out to dinner after I had spoken to them. I feel it's only because it gets her away from me. But they did tell me she has been happier these past few months. I'm confused and heartbroken??? This is killing me. When I asked her if she wanted me to walk away, she didn't respond, she said now was not the right time to ask her about us, because she hated me for what I did. I have applied the NC rule. It's only been a week. Have I lost her forever or is this just a rebound relationship? Thank you in advance.
There's a good chance it's a rebound. Her parents being against you and pushing her into the new relationship might work in favor of you. Do NC for a month and get back in touch.
Hi Kevin,
I hope you enjoyed your break. Thank you for your advice. Your website has helped me immensely. I've now completed 30 days NC. I feel good, I'm happy with going with the flow, spending time with friends etc., although I struggle on the odd occasion... who doesn't? My ex is still dating the other guy & I haven't heard from her. They've been seeing each other for 5 months now. 4 months where she was dating both of us without the other knowing. He still doesn't know. I'm not sure if I'm at "Deaths Door" or "Indifference"? We don't hang in the same social circles so I have no clue?
I'm going to send the "magic letter" but I'd like your opinion first, please. Her birthday is coming up in a week. I'll be overseas. I really don't want to ruin her day. I thought it would be a good idea if I sent the letter so it arrives after her b'day & a separate postcard with a simple b'day greeting. Do you think this is a good idea?
I've always done something special, along with sending a single yellow rose on her b'day. The rose is symbolic & a little thing only we know. I know receiving a rose on her b'day will bring a smile to her face but it is so predictable, from me. Knowing her, I think she is expecting that I'll reach out to her on her b'day, as I've never let anything get in the way of it. I don't want to "play games" but, I'd like to wait for a couple days after, as I mentioned before, I don't want to upset her & I'd like to leave her wondering why I haven't contacted her too. Change it up & be a little mysterious... Good or bad ideas?
Thank you in advance for your help. I can't thank you enough.
Dave
Hi Kevin,
I hope you enjoyed your break. Thank you for your advice. Your website has helped me immensely. I've now completed 30 days NC. I feel good, I'm happy with going with the flow, spending time with friends etc., although I struggle on the odd occasion... who doesn't? My ex is still dating the other guy & I haven't heard from her. They've been seeing each other for 5 months now. 4 months where she was dating both of us without the other knowing. He still doesn't know. I'm not sure if I'm at "Deaths Door" or "Indifference"? We don't hang in the same social circles so I have no clue?
I'm going to send the "magic letter" but I'd like your opinion first, please. Her birthday is coming up in a week. I'll be overseas. I really don't want to ruin her day. I thought it would be a good idea if I sent the letter so it arrives after her b'day & a separate postcard with a simple b'day greeting. Do you think this is a good idea?
I've always done something special, along with sending a single yellow rose on her b'day. The rose is symbolic & a little thing only we know. I know receiving a rose on her b'day will bring a smile to her face but it is so predictable, from me. Knowing her, I think she is expecting that I'll reach out to her on her b'day, as I've never let anything get in the way of it. I don't want to "play games" but, I'd like to wait for a couple days after, as I mentioned before, I don't want to upset her & I'd like to leave her wondering why I haven't contacted her too. Change it up & be a little mysterious... Good or bad ideas?
Thank you in advance for your help. I can't thank you enough.
Dave
Hi Kevin,
I hope you enjoyed your break. Thank you for your advice. Your website has helped me immensely. I've now completed 30 days NC. I feel good, I'm happy with going with the flow, spending time with friends etc., although I struggle on the odd occasion... who doesn't? My ex is still dating the other guy & I haven't heard from her. They've been seeing each other for 5 months now. 4 months where she was dating both of us without the other knowing. He still doesn't know. I'm not sure if I'm at "Deaths Door" or "Indifference"? We don't hang in the same social circles so I have no clue?
I'm going to send the "magic letter" but I'd like your opinion first, please. Her birthday is coming up in a week. I'll be overseas. I really don't want to ruin her day. I thought it would be a good idea if I sent the letter so it arrives after her b'day & a separate postcard with a simple b'day greeting. Do you think this is a good idea?
I've always done something special, along with sending a single yellow rose on her b'day. The rose is symbolic & a little thing only we know. I know receiving a rose on her b'day will bring a smile to her face but it is so predictable, from me. Knowing her, I think she is expecting that I'll reach out to her on her b'day, as I've never let anything get in the way of it. I don't want to "play games" but, I'd like to wait for a couple days after, as I mentioned before, I don't want to upset her & I'd like to leave her wondering why I haven't contacted her too. Change it up & be a little mysterious... Good or bad ideas?
Thank you in advance for your help. I can't thank you enough.
Dave
There's a good chance it's a rebound. Her parents being against you and pushing her into the new relationship might work in favor of you. Do NC for a month and get back in touch.
Hi Kevin,
My first serious boyfriend left me exactly a week ago today as he said he didn't love me as much anymore. I did everything I could to get him back but nothing worked. He has been spending some time with a girl he met the day before he broke up with me, is she a rebound? We are talking as friends now but it's not the same. Sometimes he replies, sometimes he ignores me. He has asked how I've been, does he still care? I want to do all I can to have him back as I know I am right for him although he says I'm not the right girl for him. This all happened when we had an argument a week before he left, and I confronted him about a few things he was doing wrong, he hates being confronted about anything and always has to be right. He said since that argument he didn't love me as much and doesn't think the love will ever come back, then five hours after we split he said there are no feelings at all. How can I get him to have feelings for me again?
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi, Kevin
For the past four consecutive dys I have been feeling so good about myself. I'm no longer depressed, no longer dreaming of her, no longer scared if she's with someone else, no longer losing my appetite. Up until the point I don't feel like wanting her back. I am enjoying my freedom right now and it's only now that I can say being single is good. But now, i dont know if it's some kind of hormonal imbalance, i crave for her again. Just when i thought i have moved on, is this normal?
And yes I do the NC because i want her back and i want to make the slate clean, but im afraid because im somehow enjoying my single state. I dont know if i will be out of momentum again if ever we get each other back. And if ever we get each other back, i dont know where to start. I mean, we might fight for the flings we had during the breakup stage. So?
Thanks!
Hey,
What you are feeling is completely normal. Our minds try to hold on to loved ones and the craving is a result of that. Don't act on it. It'll go away. As for the fighting, well, the best thing to do is learn some communication skills during this NC. Fighting always starts with a disagreement, and disagreements can easily be resolved with proper communications. I highly recommend the book "Non violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg, if you want to learn some very effective communication tactics.
Hey Kevin!
Thanks, i'll download one soon. Last time i have been feeling okay alone and independent and I no longer want her back. Then lately i felt that I crave for her again and I would like to beg her to come back. Is this feeling normal?
I'm afraid if i do the NC rule then suddenly my hormones would act up crazy again and miss her so bad that I would mess up the NC.
I ask her if i shall stop pushing my luck onto her. Because one time she's hot then will suddenly go cold. She said she doesnt want to stop the friendship. I told her to just stop contact and she said NO.
I'm tired of her silly mind games, what do you think her actions is trying to tell me? Shedoesnt want us to stop contact w each other but she is still sure that she doesnt want me back. Help!
Hey RAED,
Yes, it's normal. It's the withdrawal symptoms. You will soon start feeling better and more stable. Stop trying to figure out the meaning of her actions. She is confused and if you try to understand what she is thinking, you'll also get confused. Instead, start NC and concentrate on yourself. Do everything you can to make yourself happy.
Thanks, Kevin!
I have not gone straight of no contact period but somehow little by little I can see changes in myself. At times I am even thinking if I still want her back. And I have lots of plans for myself and friends and family for the years to come which I don't have any time to do before.
And gladly she isn't in any of those plans. But if she will be the one to ask me to come back, maybe i can fit her in.
The lesson that I have learned going through this break-up and moving on period is that I need to have plans for myself and when someone comes, I'll just stick them in. Unlike before I cannot make any plans if I don't have a partner. That's why when she left, my plans are also gone with her.
So I've come into conclusion not to build your dreams around people or objects because it'll be gone sooner or later. My happiness should depend on me.
I hope I get it right. Thanks, Kevin! I know you're off for a while. I'll wait for you after the 23rd.
Thanks, Kevin!
I have not gone straight of no contact period but somehow little by little I can see changes in myself. At times I am even thinking if I still want her back. And I have lots of plans for myself and friends and family for the years to come which I don't have any time to do before.
And gladly she isn't in any of those plans. But if she will be the one to ask me to come back, maybe i can fit her in.
The lesson that I have learned going through this break-up and moving on period is that I need to have plans for myself and when someone comes, I'll just stick them in. Unlike before I cannot make any plans if I don't have a partner. That's why when she left, my plans are also gone with her.
So I've come into conclusion not to build your dreams around people or objects because it'll be gone sooner or later. My happiness should depend on me.
I hope I get it right. Thanks, Kevin! I know you're off for a while. I'll wait for you after the 23rd.
Thanks, Kevin!
I have not gone straight of no contact period but somehow little by little I can see changes in myself. At times I am even thinking if I still want her back. And I have lots of plans for myself and friends and family for the years to come which I don't have any time to do before.
And gladly she isn't in any of those plans. But if she will be the one to ask me to come back, maybe i can fit her in.
The lesson that I have learned going through this break-up and moving on period is that I need to have plans for myself and when someone comes, I'll just stick them in. Unlike before I cannot make any plans if I don't have a partner. That's why when she left, my plans are also gone with her.
So I've come into conclusion not to build your dreams around people or objects because it'll be gone sooner or later. My happiness should depend on me.
I hope I get it right. Thanks, Kevin! I know you're off for a while. I'll wait for you after the 23rd.
Thanks, Kevin!
I have not gone straight of no contact period but somehow little by little I can see changes in myself. At times I am even thinking if I still want her back. And I have lots of plans for myself and friends and family for the years to come which I don't have any time to do before.
And gladly she isn't in any of those plans. But if she will be the one to ask me to come back, maybe i can fit her in.
The lesson that I have learned going through this break-up and moving on period is that I need to have plans for myself and when someone comes, I'll just stick them in. Unlike before I cannot make any plans if I don't have a partner. That's why when she left, my plans are also gone with her.
So I've come into conclusion not to build your dreams around people or objects because it'll be gone sooner or later. My happiness should depend on me.
I hope I get it right. Thanks, Kevin! I know you're off for a while. I'll wait for you after the 23rd.
Thanks, Kevin!
I have not gone straight of no contact period but somehow little by little I can see changes in myself. At times I am even thinking if I still want her back. And I have lots of plans for myself and friends and family for the years to come which I don't have any time to do before.
And gladly she isn't in any of those plans. But if she will be the one to ask me to come back, maybe i can fit her in.
The lesson that I have learned going through this break-up and moving on period is that I need to have plans for myself and when someone comes, I'll just stick them in. Unlike before I cannot make any plans if I don't have a partner. That's why when she left, my plans are also gone with her.
So I've come into conclusion not to build your dreams around people or objects because it'll be gone sooner or later. My happiness should depend on me.
I hope I get it right. Thanks, Kevin! I know you're off for a while. I'll wait for you after the 23rd.
Hey RAED,
Yes, it's normal. It's the withdrawal symptoms. You will soon start feeling better and more stable. Stop trying to figure out the meaning of her actions. She is confused and if you try to understand what she is thinking, you'll also get confused. Instead, start NC and concentrate on yourself. Do everything you can to make yourself happy.
Hey RAED,
Yes, it's normal. It's the withdrawal symptoms. You will soon start feeling better and more stable. Stop trying to figure out the meaning of her actions. She is confused and if you try to understand what she is thinking, you'll also get confused. Instead, start NC and concentrate on yourself. Do everything you can to make yourself happy.
Hey RAED,
Yes, it's normal. It's the withdrawal symptoms. You will soon start feeling better and more stable. Stop trying to figure out the meaning of her actions. She is confused and if you try to understand what she is thinking, you'll also get confused. Instead, start NC and concentrate on yourself. Do everything you can to make yourself happy.
Hey Kevin!
Thanks, i'll download one soon. Last time i have been feeling okay alone and independent and I no longer want her back. Then lately i felt that I crave for her again and I would like to beg her to come back. Is this feeling normal?
I'm afraid if i do the NC rule then suddenly my hormones would act up crazy again and miss her so bad that I would mess up the NC.
I ask her if i shall stop pushing my luck onto her. Because one time she's hot then will suddenly go cold. She said she doesnt want to stop the friendship. I told her to just stop contact and she said NO.
I'm tired of her silly mind games, what do you think her actions is trying to tell me? Shedoesnt want us to stop contact w each other but she is still sure that she doesnt want me back. Help!
Hey Kevin!
Thanks, i'll download one soon. Last time i have been feeling okay alone and independent and I no longer want her back. Then lately i felt that I crave for her again and I would like to beg her to come back. Is this feeling normal?
I'm afraid if i do the NC rule then suddenly my hormones would act up crazy again and miss her so bad that I would mess up the NC.
I ask her if i shall stop pushing my luck onto her. Because one time she's hot then will suddenly go cold. She said she doesnt want to stop the friendship. I told her to just stop contact and she said NO.
I'm tired of her silly mind games, what do you think her actions is trying to tell me? Shedoesnt want us to stop contact w each other but she is still sure that she doesnt want me back. Help!
Hey,
What you are feeling is completely normal. Our minds try to hold on to loved ones and the craving is a result of that. Don't act on it. It'll go away. As for the fighting, well, the best thing to do is learn some communication skills during this NC. Fighting always starts with a disagreement, and disagreements can easily be resolved with proper communications. I highly recommend the book "Non violent communications" by Marshall Rosenberg, if you want to learn some very effective communication tactics.
And Kevin, i wasnt ble to receive your June 5 advice. E3
Hi Kevin...
Thanks for your articles they really make your reflect on things from a different perspective.
I just hv one question I had a relationship with a guy over 2yrs ago. I broke up with him over something stupid. However I did the no contact thing even erased his number. But every year just when I think yep im good and he is nowhere on my mind he will text me. I did once admit my breaking up with him was probably a mistake but he was not keen on saying whether we could work something out.
The most confusing thing is that he text me out of the blue. Asking me how im doing its been.
Recently he texted yet this person says he has a gf. What does this mean?
Did the NC thing but he texted about something from awhile back. What does he want? Could u perhaps shed some light?
Hey Kelly,
Perhaps he wants to stay in touch with you and make sure you have not moved on in case he wants to get you back. I think you should cut him off completely. Don't reply to his texts.
Thanks
Thanks
Thanks
Hey Kelly,
Perhaps he wants to stay in touch with you and make sure you have not moved on in case he wants to get you back. I think you should cut him off completely. Don't reply to his texts.
Hi Kevin, I was on here a while ago after splitting with my partner of 10 years who had been having an affair. I did the NC and during that time he tried several times to contact me. I realised he was still seeing the other woman and told him to get lost. Since then we have exchanged stuff etc. and I am moving on with my life. Last night we were in the same town and had dinner together. Whereas I radiated positivity, confidence and a love for life, he seemed really down. Apparently he hadn't been to the gym since I left 2 months ago because he could not find the motivation - he always used to go to the gym every day. He said he had missed me badly and seemed to be probing as to whether or not I was with someone else. Anyway, we had a lovely evening and did not talk about the past relationship, just friendly banter and a lot of laughter, teasing and some flirting. When he dropped me off, he pulled me in for a long kiss. I do still really love him and would like us to give it another chance, obviously without the other woman in tow (if he is still with her, I did not ask). I just do not know if he wants me back or whether he kissed me as an ego boost. What do you think I should do? Thanks!
Well, the kiss definitely gave him an ego boost. But there's a good chance he is thinking about getting back with you. You should keep playing it cool. But don't get physical with him again unless he breaks up with the other girl.
Thank you Kevin! He just sent me a text stating that he has made an excuse to a common friend as to why I am not with him at an event this week - I am working apparently. I should add he has insisted we keep our joint account open and left me as his spouse on his work perks as well as listed as an occupant of the household although he has to pay an extra 25% local tax to do so.
All good signs. In his mind, he sees you two together in the future.
All good signs. In his mind, he sees you two together in the future.
All good signs. In his mind, he sees you two together in the future.
All good signs. In his mind, he sees you two together in the future.
Thank you Kevin! He just sent me a text stating that he has made an excuse to a common friend as to why I am not with him at an event this week - I am working apparently. I should add he has insisted we keep our joint account open and left me as his spouse on his work perks as well as listed as an occupant of the household although he has to pay an extra 25% local tax to do so.
Thank you Kevin! He just sent me a text stating that he has made an excuse to a common friend as to why I am not with him at an event this week - I am working apparently. I should add he has insisted we keep our joint account open and left me as his spouse on his work perks as well as listed as an occupant of the household although he has to pay an extra 25% local tax to do so.
PS, I texted him an hour after he dropped me off and said" Thank you for a lovely evening and a lovely kiss. xxx" He did not reply....
Well, the kiss definitely gave him an ego boost. But there's a good chance he is thinking about getting back with you. You should keep playing it cool. But don't get physical with him again unless he breaks up with the other girl.
PS, I texted him an hour after he dropped me off and said" Thank you for a lovely evening and a lovely kiss. xxx" He did not reply....
Kevin, I am doing limited contact as you suggested. But I had to email him about something I promised to update him about earlier, and he responded thanks for the note, and that he should pass me back his keys to my apartment and there was a bill for my car. I said I'll write him a check, how does he want to do the exchange? No reply for 2 days. I emailed him to ask if the bill mentioned anything about smog check, since my car is due for it this year. He replied immediately saying yes, and that I need to bring the notice to the station, he will pass me the notice as well. I simply replied, got it, thanks! But there is no indication of how he is going to pass me the things. Do I wait for him to respond with how he wants to pass me everything, or see if things come through the mail? He is a passive person with regards to making plans. Should I email back to ask, should we meet up somewhere? But I don't want to exhibit too much push behavior, or appear anxious. I am also getting quite annoyed at how cold/passive he is acting, and am slowly losing hope for my situation. Thank you.
A part of me is thinking if the way I was cool about the keys is giving him second thoughts, hence the lag in reply? Or am I just fantasizing and having too much hope for him?
What you said might be true. But there's no point thinking too much about it. I think you should just wait a couple of days and ask him again. It won't seem pushy because you are doing it to get your things and you need them. So, don't worry about it.
To be honest, Kevin, I don't even know if I should be trying to get back with him anymore. We dated for 8.5 years (our first 3 was LDR), and it feels like he was unhappy for at least a few months. He started saying he felt numb since more than 6 months ago, and every time we fought he told himself that he will break up with me next time we fought. He is such a stubborn man, and I think he has a victimized mindset, and thinks he has already done what was reasonable for the relationship.
It's been 2 months since he left, and now he is even colder to me than before I did the NC. I finished NC 3.5 weeks ago, and he doesn't even contact me unless I contact him first. He was willing to meet up that one time, but so much emotional distance. This week he removed me from his work calendar that he was sharing with me, but I still have access to his personal one (which doesn't have that much stuff).
I know I shouldn't try to figure out what he's thinking, but everyone is telling me that he took me for granted before, and he doesn't like to talk about our relationship to anyone, even his own parents. He is such a closed door. Moreover, our social circles don't have to overlap if we don't want it to (all our friends are busy with work, and there is no obligation to invite both of us to events, if any).
But on the other hand, just before we broke up, he was doing some really sweet things for me, and even suggested, after a huge fight, to try to work things out (with weekly evaluations etc) for a month before we should decide to break up over our problems (which he did, since we argued one week into our month-long trial period).
I know I need to be patient, and I want, not need, him because we have something special together (we encourage each other to achieve bigger things, and we have the same goals in life, and people say we are really good together). And I am willing to fight for that. But I am really angry/disheartened by his behavior, and just don't know if I'm trying to hold on to a lost cause.
I am trying to keep my heart open to other possibilities as well, but keeping the door open for this one is giving so much grief, and effort in getting friends together.
A good friend said that a man wouldn't walk away unless he was really unhappy for a long time and doesn't see a point in making things work anymore. =(
Do you have any opinion on this? Thank you... sorry for the rant.
Kevin, I think I will let him go and accept that he is gone. If he decides to forgive me, and decides that I am right for him, fate will bring us together. I will live my life happy by myself, and continue to be his friend. As I said before, our lives don't really have to overlap anymore if he doesn't want it to, so I'm not sure if anything will happen in the next few months. It is scary to look ahead, but it is the only way now. People say some couples get back together a few years later, but it's too far in the future, and I just don't have the emotional energy anymore. Step 3 of RR also seems too intentional for my personality, and I just don't know if it will work with an intelligent and stubborn man like him. I almost sank into depression this weekend, and it's just too much to handle. Maybe it's true that we can't give each other what we want. It's frightening to imagine that I can find someone like him, but who knows. It's just too bad this was both our first relationships, and we made so many mistakes. Thanks for your help over the past few weeks..
Kevin, in your email series, you mentioned the 'bad memories healing' and 'missing you badly' cases. I just looked through our communications since I last ended NC 3 weeks ago, and I noticed that his replies were polite but pretty impersonal. Sometimes there was some response about how he felt about certain events (which mostly did not involve us, or just that it was awkward at dinner cos our friends seated us together). And the hot/cold behavior during the friends' gathering. If he doesn't contact me voluntarily, is that an indication that he doesn't miss me at all? I see him 'liking' some girls' photos, which he usually wouldn't (those girls would normally make me jealous), or checking in to places (which he never does), a few hours after I posted photos about some fun activity that I am doing.
Do you have any suggestions/metric by which we can evaluate which phase he is in?
Thank you for your help so far!
I think it depends on the length of the relationship amongst other factors. It's not always possible to put a formulaic approach to relationship. I guess you can look for signs, but deciphering signs of an ex can be a really emotionally and intellectually overwhelming task.
I think it depends on the length of the relationship amongst other factors. It's not always possible to put a formulaic approach to relationship. I guess you can look for signs, but deciphering signs of an ex can be a really emotionally and intellectually overwhelming task.
I think it depends on the length of the relationship amongst other factors. It's not always possible to put a formulaic approach to relationship. I guess you can look for signs, but deciphering signs of an ex can be a really emotionally and intellectually overwhelming task.
I think it depends on the length of the relationship amongst other factors. It's not always possible to put a formulaic approach to relationship. I guess you can look for signs, but deciphering signs of an ex can be a really emotionally and intellectually overwhelming task.
I think it depends on the length of the relationship amongst other factors. It's not always possible to put a formulaic approach to relationship. I guess you can look for signs, but deciphering signs of an ex can be a really emotionally and intellectually overwhelming task.
I think it depends on the length of the relationship amongst other factors. It's not always possible to put a formulaic approach to relationship. I guess you can look for signs, but deciphering signs of an ex can be a really emotionally and intellectually overwhelming task.
Thanks Kevin. I had the same thought after I calmed down last night. I will give him a few more weeks to heal, and for myself to work through my hurt feelings. I know that I will not give up the chance to fight though, and I will only stop when I leave the country in 7 months. A good friend of ours is coming to town next week and will hopefully be able to talk to him. Because of graduation and social events, we will probably meet over the weekends of the next 2 weeks, but I will try to be impersonal, and not talk about anything personal, and mirror his behavior. I will be the fun person I always am. I don't know how things will go, but I might ask him out for coffee once or twice after that, and judge it from there. I know we need to relearn how to have fun together, but it really depends on how receptive he is.
Hey Natalie,
I know how you feel and I think you are moving in the right direction. I don't know what will happen and whether or not he will come back, but it's good to hear that you are considering other options. Letting go of a 8.5 years relationship is an extremely hard decision to make. And no one can make it for you except you.
I think you should do NC one more time. This time, make it a little longer. This will give you some time to think things through, and perhaps he will become a little less stubborn as well. If after NC, he is still cold, maybe you will be able to finally decide to let him go.
Kevin, I think I will let him go and accept that he is gone. If he decides to forgive me, and decides that I am right for him, fate will bring us together. I will live my life happy by myself, and continue to be his friend. As I said before, our lives don't really have to overlap anymore if he doesn't want it to, so I'm not sure if anything will happen in the next few months. It is scary to look ahead, but it is the only way now. People say some couples get back together a few years later, but it's too far in the future, and I just don't have the emotional energy anymore. Step 3 of RR also seems too intentional for my personality, and I just don't know if it will work with an intelligent and stubborn man like him. I almost sank into depression this weekend, and it's just too much to handle. Maybe it's true that we can't give each other what we want. It's frightening to imagine that I can find someone like him, but who knows. It's just too bad this was both our first relationships, and we made so many mistakes. Thanks for your help over the past few weeks..
Kevin, in your email series, you mentioned the 'bad memories healing' and 'missing you badly' cases. I just looked through our communications since I last ended NC 3 weeks ago, and I noticed that his replies were polite but pretty impersonal. Sometimes there was some response about how he felt about certain events (which mostly did not involve us, or just that it was awkward at dinner cos our friends seated us together). And the hot/cold behavior during the friends' gathering. If he doesn't contact me voluntarily, is that an indication that he doesn't miss me at all? I see him 'liking' some girls' photos, which he usually wouldn't (those girls would normally make me jealous), or checking in to places (which he never does), a few hours after I posted photos about some fun activity that I am doing.
Do you have any suggestions/metric by which we can evaluate which phase he is in?
Thank you for your help so far!
Thanks Kevin. I had the same thought after I calmed down last night. I will give him a few more weeks to heal, and for myself to work through my hurt feelings. I know that I will not give up the chance to fight though, and I will only stop when I leave the country in 7 months. A good friend of ours is coming to town next week and will hopefully be able to talk to him. Because of graduation and social events, we will probably meet over the weekends of the next 2 weeks, but I will try to be impersonal, and not talk about anything personal, and mirror his behavior. I will be the fun person I always am. I don't know how things will go, but I might ask him out for coffee once or twice after that, and judge it from there. I know we need to relearn how to have fun together, but it really depends on how receptive he is.
Hey Natalie,
I know how you feel and I think you are moving in the right direction. I don't know what will happen and whether or not he will come back, but it's good to hear that you are considering other options. Letting go of a 8.5 years relationship is an extremely hard decision to make. And no one can make it for you except you.
I think you should do NC one more time. This time, make it a little longer. This will give you some time to think things through, and perhaps he will become a little less stubborn as well. If after NC, he is still cold, maybe you will be able to finally decide to let him go.
Kevin, I think I will let him go and accept that he is gone. If he decides to forgive me, and decides that I am right for him, fate will bring us together. I will live my life happy by myself, and continue to be his friend. As I said before, our lives don't really have to overlap anymore if he doesn't want it to, so I'm not sure if anything will happen in the next few months. It is scary to look ahead, but it is the only way now. People say some couples get back together a few years later, but it's too far in the future, and I just don't have the emotional energy anymore. Step 3 of RR also seems too intentional for my personality, and I just don't know if it will work with an intelligent and stubborn man like him. I almost sank into depression this weekend, and it's just too much to handle. Maybe it's true that we can't give each other what we want. It's frightening to imagine that I can find someone like him, but who knows. It's just too bad this was both our first relationships, and we made so many mistakes. Thanks for your help over the past few weeks..
Kevin, in your email series, you mentioned the 'bad memories healing' and 'missing you badly' cases. I just looked through our communications since I last ended NC 3 weeks ago, and I noticed that his replies were polite but pretty impersonal. Sometimes there was some response about how he felt about certain events (which mostly did not involve us, or just that it was awkward at dinner cos our friends seated us together). And the hot/cold behavior during the friends' gathering. If he doesn't contact me voluntarily, is that an indication that he doesn't miss me at all? I see him 'liking' some girls' photos, which he usually wouldn't (those girls would normally make me jealous), or checking in to places (which he never does), a few hours after I posted photos about some fun activity that I am doing.
Do you have any suggestions/metric by which we can evaluate which phase he is in?
Thank you for your help so far!
Thanks Kevin. I had the same thought after I calmed down last night. I will give him a few more weeks to heal, and for myself to work through my hurt feelings. I know that I will not give up the chance to fight though, and I will only stop when I leave the country in 7 months. A good friend of ours is coming to town next week and will hopefully be able to talk to him. Because of graduation and social events, we will probably meet over the weekends of the next 2 weeks, but I will try to be impersonal, and not talk about anything personal, and mirror his behavior. I will be the fun person I always am. I don't know how things will go, but I might ask him out for coffee once or twice after that, and judge it from there. I know we need to relearn how to have fun together, but it really depends on how receptive he is.
Hey Natalie,
I know how you feel and I think you are moving in the right direction. I don't know what will happen and whether or not he will come back, but it's good to hear that you are considering other options. Letting go of a 8.5 years relationship is an extremely hard decision to make. And no one can make it for you except you.
I think you should do NC one more time. This time, make it a little longer. This will give you some time to think things through, and perhaps he will become a little less stubborn as well. If after NC, he is still cold, maybe you will be able to finally decide to let him go.
Kevin, I think I will let him go and accept that he is gone. If he decides to forgive me, and decides that I am right for him, fate will bring us together. I will live my life happy by myself, and continue to be his friend. As I said before, our lives don't really have to overlap anymore if he doesn't want it to, so I'm not sure if anything will happen in the next few months. It is scary to look ahead, but it is the only way now. People say some couples get back together a few years later, but it's too far in the future, and I just don't have the emotional energy anymore. Step 3 of RR also seems too intentional for my personality, and I just don't know if it will work with an intelligent and stubborn man like him. I almost sank into depression this weekend, and it's just too much to handle. Maybe it's true that we can't give each other what we want. It's frightening to imagine that I can find someone like him, but who knows. It's just too bad this was both our first relationships, and we made so many mistakes. Thanks for your help over the past few weeks..
Kevin, in your email series, you mentioned the 'bad memories healing' and 'missing you badly' cases. I just looked through our communications since I last ended NC 3 weeks ago, and I noticed that his replies were polite but pretty impersonal. Sometimes there was some response about how he felt about certain events (which mostly did not involve us, or just that it was awkward at dinner cos our friends seated us together). And the hot/cold behavior during the friends' gathering. If he doesn't contact me voluntarily, is that an indication that he doesn't miss me at all? I see him 'liking' some girls' photos, which he usually wouldn't (those girls would normally make me jealous), or checking in to places (which he never does), a few hours after I posted photos about some fun activity that I am doing.
Do you have any suggestions/metric by which we can evaluate which phase he is in?
Thank you for your help so far!
Thanks Kevin. I had the same thought after I calmed down last night. I will give him a few more weeks to heal, and for myself to work through my hurt feelings. I know that I will not give up the chance to fight though, and I will only stop when I leave the country in 7 months. A good friend of ours is coming to town next week and will hopefully be able to talk to him. Because of graduation and social events, we will probably meet over the weekends of the next 2 weeks, but I will try to be impersonal, and not talk about anything personal, and mirror his behavior. I will be the fun person I always am. I don't know how things will go, but I might ask him out for coffee once or twice after that, and judge it from there. I know we need to relearn how to have fun together, but it really depends on how receptive he is.
Hey Natalie,
I know how you feel and I think you are moving in the right direction. I don't know what will happen and whether or not he will come back, but it's good to hear that you are considering other options. Letting go of a 8.5 years relationship is an extremely hard decision to make. And no one can make it for you except you.
I think you should do NC one more time. This time, make it a little longer. This will give you some time to think things through, and perhaps he will become a little less stubborn as well. If after NC, he is still cold, maybe you will be able to finally decide to let him go.
Kevin, I think I will let him go and accept that he is gone. If he decides to forgive me, and decides that I am right for him, fate will bring us together. I will live my life happy by myself, and continue to be his friend. As I said before, our lives don't really have to overlap anymore if he doesn't want it to, so I'm not sure if anything will happen in the next few months. It is scary to look ahead, but it is the only way now. People say some couples get back together a few years later, but it's too far in the future, and I just don't have the emotional energy anymore. Step 3 of RR also seems too intentional for my personality, and I just don't know if it will work with an intelligent and stubborn man like him. I almost sank into depression this weekend, and it's just too much to handle. Maybe it's true that we can't give each other what we want. It's frightening to imagine that I can find someone like him, but who knows. It's just too bad this was both our first relationships, and we made so many mistakes. Thanks for your help over the past few weeks..
Kevin, in your email series, you mentioned the 'bad memories healing' and 'missing you badly' cases. I just looked through our communications since I last ended NC 3 weeks ago, and I noticed that his replies were polite but pretty impersonal. Sometimes there was some response about how he felt about certain events (which mostly did not involve us, or just that it was awkward at dinner cos our friends seated us together). And the hot/cold behavior during the friends' gathering. If he doesn't contact me voluntarily, is that an indication that he doesn't miss me at all? I see him 'liking' some girls' photos, which he usually wouldn't (those girls would normally make me jealous), or checking in to places (which he never does), a few hours after I posted photos about some fun activity that I am doing.
Do you have any suggestions/metric by which we can evaluate which phase he is in?
Thank you for your help so far!
Thanks Kevin. I had the same thought after I calmed down last night. I will give him a few more weeks to heal, and for myself to work through my hurt feelings. I know that I will not give up the chance to fight though, and I will only stop when I leave the country in 7 months. A good friend of ours is coming to town next week and will hopefully be able to talk to him. Because of graduation and social events, we will probably meet over the weekends of the next 2 weeks, but I will try to be impersonal, and not talk about anything personal, and mirror his behavior. I will be the fun person I always am. I don't know how things will go, but I might ask him out for coffee once or twice after that, and judge it from there. I know we need to relearn how to have fun together, but it really depends on how receptive he is.
Hey Natalie,
I know how you feel and I think you are moving in the right direction. I don't know what will happen and whether or not he will come back, but it's good to hear that you are considering other options. Letting go of a 8.5 years relationship is an extremely hard decision to make. And no one can make it for you except you.
I think you should do NC one more time. This time, make it a little longer. This will give you some time to think things through, and perhaps he will become a little less stubborn as well. If after NC, he is still cold, maybe you will be able to finally decide to let him go.
To be honest, Kevin, I don't even know if I should be trying to get back with him anymore. We dated for 8.5 years (our first 3 was LDR), and it feels like he was unhappy for at least a few months. He started saying he felt numb since more than 6 months ago, and every time we fought he told himself that he will break up with me next time we fought. He is such a stubborn man, and I think he has a victimized mindset, and thinks he has already done what was reasonable for the relationship.
It's been 2 months since he left, and now he is even colder to me than before I did the NC. I finished NC 3.5 weeks ago, and he doesn't even contact me unless I contact him first. He was willing to meet up that one time, but so much emotional distance. This week he removed me from his work calendar that he was sharing with me, but I still have access to his personal one (which doesn't have that much stuff).
I know I shouldn't try to figure out what he's thinking, but everyone is telling me that he took me for granted before, and he doesn't like to talk about our relationship to anyone, even his own parents. He is such a closed door. Moreover, our social circles don't have to overlap if we don't want it to (all our friends are busy with work, and there is no obligation to invite both of us to events, if any).
But on the other hand, just before we broke up, he was doing some really sweet things for me, and even suggested, after a huge fight, to try to work things out (with weekly evaluations etc) for a month before we should decide to break up over our problems (which he did, since we argued one week into our month-long trial period).
I know I need to be patient, and I want, not need, him because we have something special together (we encourage each other to achieve bigger things, and we have the same goals in life, and people say we are really good together). And I am willing to fight for that. But I am really angry/disheartened by his behavior, and just don't know if I'm trying to hold on to a lost cause.
I am trying to keep my heart open to other possibilities as well, but keeping the door open for this one is giving so much grief, and effort in getting friends together.
A good friend said that a man wouldn't walk away unless he was really unhappy for a long time and doesn't see a point in making things work anymore. =(
Do you have any opinion on this? Thank you... sorry for the rant.
To be honest, Kevin, I don't even know if I should be trying to get back with him anymore. We dated for 8.5 years (our first 3 was LDR), and it feels like he was unhappy for at least a few months. He started saying he felt numb since more than 6 months ago, and every time we fought he told himself that he will break up with me next time we fought. He is such a stubborn man, and I think he has a victimized mindset, and thinks he has already done what was reasonable for the relationship.
It's been 2 months since he left, and now he is even colder to me than before I did the NC. I finished NC 3.5 weeks ago, and he doesn't even contact me unless I contact him first. He was willing to meet up that one time, but so much emotional distance. This week he removed me from his work calendar that he was sharing with me, but I still have access to his personal one (which doesn't have that much stuff).
I know I shouldn't try to figure out what he's thinking, but everyone is telling me that he took me for granted before, and he doesn't like to talk about our relationship to anyone, even his own parents. He is such a closed door. Moreover, our social circles don't have to overlap if we don't want it to (all our friends are busy with work, and there is no obligation to invite both of us to events, if any).
But on the other hand, just before we broke up, he was doing some really sweet things for me, and even suggested, after a huge fight, to try to work things out (with weekly evaluations etc) for a month before we should decide to break up over our problems (which he did, since we argued one week into our month-long trial period).
I know I need to be patient, and I want, not need, him because we have something special together (we encourage each other to achieve bigger things, and we have the same goals in life, and people say we are really good together). And I am willing to fight for that. But I am really angry/disheartened by his behavior, and just don't know if I'm trying to hold on to a lost cause.
I am trying to keep my heart open to other possibilities as well, but keeping the door open for this one is giving so much grief, and effort in getting friends together.
A good friend said that a man wouldn't walk away unless he was really unhappy for a long time and doesn't see a point in making things work anymore. =(
Do you have any opinion on this? Thank you... sorry for the rant.
To be honest, Kevin, I don't even know if I should be trying to get back with him anymore. We dated for 8.5 years (our first 3 was LDR), and it feels like he was unhappy for at least a few months. He started saying he felt numb since more than 6 months ago, and every time we fought he told himself that he will break up with me next time we fought. He is such a stubborn man, and I think he has a victimized mindset, and thinks he has already done what was reasonable for the relationship.
It's been 2 months since he left, and now he is even colder to me than before I did the NC. I finished NC 3.5 weeks ago, and he doesn't even contact me unless I contact him first. He was willing to meet up that one time, but so much emotional distance. This week he removed me from his work calendar that he was sharing with me, but I still have access to his personal one (which doesn't have that much stuff).
I know I shouldn't try to figure out what he's thinking, but everyone is telling me that he took me for granted before, and he doesn't like to talk about our relationship to anyone, even his own parents. He is such a closed door. Moreover, our social circles don't have to overlap if we don't want it to (all our friends are busy with work, and there is no obligation to invite both of us to events, if any).
But on the other hand, just before we broke up, he was doing some really sweet things for me, and even suggested, after a huge fight, to try to work things out (with weekly evaluations etc) for a month before we should decide to break up over our problems (which he did, since we argued one week into our month-long trial period).
I know I need to be patient, and I want, not need, him because we have something special together (we encourage each other to achieve bigger things, and we have the same goals in life, and people say we are really good together). And I am willing to fight for that. But I am really angry/disheartened by his behavior, and just don't know if I'm trying to hold on to a lost cause.
I am trying to keep my heart open to other possibilities as well, but keeping the door open for this one is giving so much grief, and effort in getting friends together.
A good friend said that a man wouldn't walk away unless he was really unhappy for a long time and doesn't see a point in making things work anymore. =(
Do you have any opinion on this? Thank you... sorry for the rant.
What you said might be true. But there's no point thinking too much about it. I think you should just wait a couple of days and ask him again. It won't seem pushy because you are doing it to get your things and you need them. So, don't worry about it.
What you said might be true. But there's no point thinking too much about it. I think you should just wait a couple of days and ask him again. It won't seem pushy because you are doing it to get your things and you need them. So, don't worry about it.
A part of me is thinking if the way I was cool about the keys is giving him second thoughts, hence the lag in reply? Or am I just fantasizing and having too much hope for him?
Hey kevin
I can't see my comment.
It's here.
It's here.
Ok my bf and I broke up last Sunday, we have a kid together he broke up with me because. He says I constantly nag alot and I'm always constantly calling his phone,, its to the point when he turns off his phone because he doesn't wanna be bothered by me, it makes me sad I nag because I want his attention and I want him to listen to me but of course he refuses, he tells me that I'm only dogging my hole deeper, he doesn't care what I have to say to him he totally cut everything off between us,, I so desperately want him back let alone our family,, I always express my feelings to him he doesn't care at all, he calls me a bunch of mean names ,, smh, I asked him was it someone else he never told me yes or no he only said why does it matter , why are you so focused on me when you should be worried about yourself,, he simply says leave me alone I hate you ,, smh I try to stop calling but idk what to do its not working because I find myself calling him every freakin day nonstop nonstop one time I put myself up to the challenge and tried not to call him for 24 hrs of course that didn't work, at all I ended up calling him, idk if I should wait until he calls me or what,, smh what can I do any advice I desperately want our family back together as one again
Hey,
The only solution to your problem is that you apply no contact. Sorry, but nothing is going to work unless you apply NC.
Hey,
The only solution to your problem is that you apply no contact. Sorry, but nothing is going to work unless you apply NC.
I was so depressed when my ex want to end our relationship , i felt empty and lost for a while. It has been 22 days since we became not friend and not even a lover..somewhat like ex = sex ..... this relationship is killing me, I was badly wounded by my ex after 7 year of knowing each other,in the end he treat me with no respect toward my feeling. I hate myself for failing over and over for this stupid friend with benefit relationship. I was about to making a choice of moving on ,and i saw this post. Right after my comment i will start a NO CONTACT with him. I love him and i wish he can think about me during NC time...
hello kevin,
i am 20 and my ex is 21..we broke up quite long ago around one year back after 1 year of strong and happy relationship, due to some family issues and few misunderstandings..
he blocked me from every social site...being very clear i tried chasing him for few months but then left him to realize about all that happened..he calls me up sometime and we talk very normally,,sometimes when he feel low he prefer talking to me as a friend..
every time he asks me to meet something or the other happens and the plan fails..
we recently met due to a mutual friend who came to meet all of us but we both didn't talk..
he has now unblocked me from everywhere and randomly calls me someday..
i want him back..please help! (we were friends from past 3 years..)
Hey Vernoica,
If there hasn't been a period of no contact till now, you should do it for one month. You should start making some positive changes in your life. After no contact is over, get back in touch with him and then eventually ask him out. Don't be available to him all the time.
Hey Vernoica,
If there hasn't been a period of no contact till now, you should do it for one month. You should start making some positive changes in your life. After no contact is over, get back in touch with him and then eventually ask him out. Don't be available to him all the time.
Hi, Kevin
First I'd like to thank you and this website for shedding some light in my life. Before I found this website, I was a real mess. I have some questions, and if you can help me a bit, that'd be greatly appreciated.
My ex wanted to break up with me 3weeks ago from 3year relationship. At that time, we were sort of living together, so I had to stay together for next 10days because of my commute, job…etc. Eventually, I had realized that I can not live like this, so I basically disappeared when she was out of town. Obviously, during those 10 days I made many mistakes mentioned on this site, and also we had sex few times despite of her strong determination to break-up. It’s not that I forced her, but I have to admit I’m the one started the move out of desperation. Each time, I felt horrible, and she felt horrible. And after I moved out of her apartment, she texted me how sad she is and I ignored that for few days. But I decided to stop by her apartment to talk one night. That was before I found this website, and I didn’t know any better. I made more mistakes at that time, and ended up having sex feeling horrible again. I texted her few times after that night, but there is no response. My question is that I’m not sure if I destroyed any chance of getting back together by having physical connection with her during the break-up…. Also I’m not even sure if I’m at the death-door stage or indifferent stage…. I’m on 5th day of NC and hoping there is still a chance. I know it sounds ridiculous… but any advise would help me at this point.
Thank you so much,
yk
Hey,
I don't think you did too much damage. You are in the drift stage. However, I'll recommend you do one month of no contact before using the tactics in relationship rewind.
Thanks for your response Kevin,
That gives me a little hope. So you’d recommend to go relationship rewind tactics over handwritten letter you recommend on this site to reach out for the first time?
YK,
I recommend the hand written letter to get back in touch (depending on your situation). It's very effective if your ex is refusing to reply to you. Or if you've made those mistakes after the breakup. Once you are back in touch, use RR tactics to establish friendship and create attraction.
YK,
I recommend the hand written letter to get back in touch (depending on your situation). It's very effective if your ex is refusing to reply to you. Or if you've made those mistakes after the breakup. Once you are back in touch, use RR tactics to establish friendship and create attraction.
YK,
I recommend the hand written letter to get back in touch (depending on your situation). It's very effective if your ex is refusing to reply to you. Or if you've made those mistakes after the breakup. Once you are back in touch, use RR tactics to establish friendship and create attraction.
YK,
I recommend the hand written letter to get back in touch (depending on your situation). It's very effective if your ex is refusing to reply to you. Or if you've made those mistakes after the breakup. Once you are back in touch, use RR tactics to establish friendship and create attraction.
Thanks for your response Kevin,
That gives me a little hope. So you’d recommend to go relationship rewind tactics over handwritten letter you recommend on this site to reach out for the first time?
Thanks for your response Kevin,
That gives me a little hope. So you’d recommend to go relationship rewind tactics over handwritten letter you recommend on this site to reach out for the first time?
Hey,
I don't think you did too much damage. You are in the drift stage. However, I'll recommend you do one month of no contact before using the tactics in relationship rewind.
Hey Kevin,
I'm not sure how long you take to respond to these messages but I really hope you respond to mine today as it's a really interesting situation.
My ex and I were together for 4 yrs after recently breaking up about 3 months ago due to my constant negligence and unappreciative attitude towards her. Since the break-up I've realized what I did wrong in the relationship and have made significant changes in my lifestyle and attitude, changes that she has noticed.
Unfortunately, it's hard for her to fully let me back in her life because while we were broken up someone else started showing her attention and they've been on a couple of dates, most recently yesterday. The thing is though, she still tells me that she loves me, has feelings for me, and wants to be with me in the future (kind of like having her cake and eating it). She's even coming to spend the summer with me really soon, so that's 3 months of just her and me.
I know that those 3 months allow for opportunity for us to get back together but as we are friends right now I would like your advice on the best way to handle the situation when she's staying with me.
Thanks!
Do no contact till she comes for the summer. Until then, tell her you need some space and time to deal with the breakup.
Do no contact till she comes for the summer. Until then, tell her you need some space and time to deal with the breakup.
What do you do if you work with the person? How do you not have contact with them?
Any Suggestions?
Thanks!
Treat him like a colleague. Don't have any conversations with him unless it's absolutely necessary. If you have to talk to him, keep it short and to the point while being cordial.
Treat him like a colleague. Don't have any conversations with him unless it's absolutely necessary. If you have to talk to him, keep it short and to the point while being cordial.
Kevin,
Im nervous. I will contact jer later this afternoon. I am so ready im just nervous what will her rection be. I hope it's good. Thankyou for everything! Doing this for free is very kind of you. I wish i had seen this sooner and never made mistakes. Thankyou so much! :)
Hey Daniel,
I believe your nervousness is natural because apart from your ex, you need to prove yourself that you are no more needy. Well, even best students get nervous before their exams. I believe you can do it really cool! Good luck man!!
Thanks dara. Making this frst contact is important. It doesnt matter if she responds or not. I just gotta plant something positive about me in her mind.
Thanka for the support. I wish you the best as well.
Good luck Daniel, I hope it works out for you and let us know how she reacts to your first message... wishing you all the best :)
Good luck Daniel, I hope it works out for you and let us know how she reacts to your first message... wishing you all the best :)
Good luck Daniel, I hope it works out for you and let us know how she reacts to your first message... wishing you all the best :)
Good luck Daniel, I hope it works out for you and let us know how she reacts to your first message... wishing you all the best :)
Thanks dara. Making this frst contact is important. It doesnt matter if she responds or not. I just gotta plant something positive about me in her mind.
Thanka for the support. I wish you the best as well.
Thanks dara. Making this frst contact is important. It doesnt matter if she responds or not. I just gotta plant something positive about me in her mind.
Thanka for the support. I wish you the best as well.
Hey Daniel,
I believe your nervousness is natural because apart from your ex, you need to prove yourself that you are no more needy. Well, even best students get nervous before their exams. I believe you can do it really cool! Good luck man!!
Hey Kevin,
I am in a unique situation. I am trying to win my ex back and she is dating this other guy. She still tells me that she loves me. She says she is scared to get back with me because I was the one that ended it with her. I have done ur steps. I just don't know how to prove that I have changed. She is dating this guy as a rebound and we have been dating as well. How do I get her to leave him permanently and be with me because she says that she has thought about it a lot recently, it is the fear that is preventing her?
Stop forcing her. Let it be her idea. It might take time, but it'll happen. Start going out on dates meanwhile.
Stop forcing her. Let it be her idea. It might take time, but it'll happen. Start going out on dates meanwhile.
Kevin,
I plan to tell her this if i have to initiate friendship first. Before i started NC we were friends. My only mistake is i was emotional and i always texting her and chatting her constantly making myself looking needy. Because i was still addicted to her but now things have changed. Thabks to you.
"I think its a nice idea if we can stay just friends, just casual and in good terms. We were once important to each other. The relationship may have been long over but it would be a shame if we also throw the frienship away. If youre comfortable with this suggestion of mine it is much appreciated but if not it is fine and acceptable. :)"
Is this a good message to initiate friendship with her? Thanks kevin. Youre opinion is much appreciated. :)
hi kevin
my ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago after being together 10 years she says she still loves me but her feelings have changed ? I have been a total mess we have been contacting each other on a daily basis and she has been crying a lot drinking a lot and not looking after herself I thought she was cheating on me while we were together but she says no but she was lying a lot which was not her I ask to meet up and she makes excuses but if I do see her she says she,s in a hurry on Tuesday I went to a friends house (male) I had a dr appointment earlier I seen her in the car while I was on a bus I text her and said just seen u hi she replied where are u I said in town she said how did docs go I said was there earlier im away to my friends she sent a text ohhh yeah your out with them like she was jealous I asked if she was and she said yes but she blows hot and cold everyday I cant manage no contact im at deaths door really hurting and feel so ill and alone and scared im just not sure what to do
Iain,
No contact is still the best option.
Iain,
No contact is still the best option.
Just started NC. Before the breakup (3 weeks ago), she made a commitment to take me to the airport. I fully expect her to contact me by text to see if she still needs to take me. I intend on making other arrangements. How do I handle the text? Ignore? Or just politely let her know that I made other arrangements? The latter seems proper as long as I'm concise and to the point about it.
Let her know that you've made other arrangements.
Let her know that you've made other arrangements.
Hi Kevin
Me and my boyfriend were together for a year and a half and he just brakes up with me to get with this other girl. The bad thing is every time I see them I what to say some but it might ruin my chances of every getting back with him or us just been friends. Can you give me some advice please
Follow the 5 step plan.
Follow the 5 step plan.
Hi Kevin, my situation is MORE COMPLICATED though. My girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago whilst we were doing long distance for 4 months, but we have been together for 2 years. I will be flying back home were she also stays and we work together, so I will probably get to see her before I get to write any letter or ask her out on a first date. Because we work together, I can't really do the no-contact rule since we will inevitably interact, and I only have one week before she sees me for the first time after all these months.
She broke up with me because she started to feel pressure from me over the long distance, and everyone back home was throwing this pressure in her face, and it made her feel like I own her or something.
So what do I do? Since the break up a couple of days ago, I haven't pleaded with her or begged her, or acted too needy. All I did was tell her that I realize my faults, and that maybe we can work it out when I come back in a week. But she feels unsure and nervous of me returning, and she hinted that her feelings have changed.
But I'm certain the person I had become over the distance had changed from the man she fell in love with.
Help, please.
Hey Charles,
Treat her like a colleague and don't talk about anything personal.
Hey Charles,
Treat her like a colleague and don't talk about anything personal.
Hi,
Can you say what is your opinion in my situation? All the signs look like to me she is moving on and is in love this guy and forgot me but it's hard to accept after that how deeply she was in love with me and how much she missed me like 6 weeks ago (before break-up) and after that she doesn't said even once that she missed me but she was angry for me but now she is nothing except cried the last time we saw almost two weeks ago. I know that I can be better boyfriend but all the post break-up stuff I have made badly and all the mistakes I made are not good. In the relationship I didn't bring enough security because she wanted to plan everything like marriage and kids but I didn't wanted to plan that yet I just wanted to live in the moment. But in the letter I wrote after break-up I said that I wanted family with you but she didn't say anything about that. We have could be perfect couple together if I have known all the things I know now that's why it hurts much. If I had this feelings for her everything have gone different but it's too late like my ex said after break-up :/ after break-up I said that I don't want that they see each other and she got angry and said I thought that one day we can be together but not anymore.
Hey Julian,
I think your ex is in a rebound. And it will end soon. However, I can't say after how long. You still haven't applied no contact. So you should do that. At least for 2-3 months. You can't control what will happen with her and the new guy. So stop worrying about that. Instead, concentrate on yourself more.
Hey,
I have been nc now almost week now and timeline in my messages wasn't right. Right after break-up she said those things what were in my last messages to you (angry behavior) Last contact was when I wished good for future her and she texted same for me. It's nice to hear that maybe it's rebound but it's hard to believe because in the last contacts she was cold or didn't answer for me or answered lot later.
Hey,
I have been nc now almost week now and timeline in my messages wasn't right. Right after break-up she said those things what were in my last messages to you (angry behavior) Last contact was when I wished good for future her and she texted same for me. It's nice to hear that maybe it's rebound but it's hard to believe because in the last contacts she was cold or didn't answer for me or answered lot later.
Hey,
I have been nc now almost week now and timeline in my messages wasn't right. Right after break-up she said those things what were in my last messages to you (angry behavior) Last contact was when I wished good for future her and she texted same for me. It's nice to hear that maybe it's rebound but it's hard to believe because in the last contacts she was cold or didn't answer for me or answered lot later.
Hey Julian,
I think your ex is in a rebound. And it will end soon. However, I can't say after how long. You still haven't applied no contact. So you should do that. At least for 2-3 months. You can't control what will happen with her and the new guy. So stop worrying about that. Instead, concentrate on yourself more.
Kevin,
She didnt reply to my text. I said i remembered a fun activity we did and reminded me of her. She didnt reply. I admit that it was a little sad and disappointing but overall im okay. NC did have an effect on me. Im just wondering is she indifferent on me now?
Thankyou kevin. I am not devastated again. Thanks so much for everything. :)
And btw what course of action do u think is wise from here on? Text her after 2 weeks? Or star a 3month NC?
She was so eager to break up because she says she doest want us to be dependent on each other. Maybe she wants to prove to herself that she can be independent. Since she was 14 we were alreay together. Maybe she wants to be independent and try it because she has been in a relationship all her teen life. Im not sure but this is my best overview of the breakup.
What action do u suggest? Thanks kevib.
And btw what course of action do u think is wise from here on? Text her after 2 weeks? Or star a 3month NC?
She was so eager to break up because she says she doest want us to be dependent on each other. Maybe she wants to prove to herself that she can be independent. Since she was 14 we were alreay together. Maybe she wants to be independent and try it because she has been in a relationship all her teen life. Im not sure but this is my best overview of the breakup.
What action do u suggest? Thanks kevib.
Well, my girl and I broke about three weeks ago. I made the mistake by not doing the NC rule.
I know I have her heart and she has mine. I realized the mistakes we had, but most lies on my shoulders.
Idk how I became so clingy and dependant on her. Never done that before. Can't forget about the so dumb argument (s) I initially started.
The NC rule will help me work on myself and make a game plan to work things out.
Any feed back or any tips and tricks that will benefit my need will be appreciated.
Thank you..
Drew
Hi Kevin,
I sent you a comment 2 days ago, but no worries I appreciate the number you are handling. My question is my girlfriend went back to the States 2 months ago from Ireland where I'm from. It was not a good break up, with me looking for a distraction and her reading some e-mails I had sent to 3 friends looking to rationalise some negative behaviours , she is a very strong, independent and stubborn person and I really got on well with her Grandmother who is a really nice and caring person who understands fully what is going on with her kids and grandkids. Would it be fair to give her a call to see how my ex is doing and to see if she thinks my ex might be prepared to make up with me if we both can put in the effort, one of acceptance , respect and mutual understanding for each others points of view?
Nope, not a good idea.
Kevin,
Thanks for the reply, will run through with "No Contact" for the 30 day period and see how things feel / stand at that stage. Have you seen people reflect on their negative sides during this period and do they ever tone them down? I have negative behaviours that I am working on at the minute. She was willing to do so much but I let the fear of thinking too much and not being open with her about things that I did not like or appreciate and never always clearly let her know my feelings so we could both learn together.
Kevin,
Thanks for the reply, will run through with "No Contact" for the 30 day period and see how things feel / stand at that stage. Have you seen people reflect on their negative sides during this period and do they ever tone them down? I have negative behaviours that I am working on at the minute. She was willing to do so much but I let the fear of thinking too much and not being open with her about things that I did not like or appreciate and never always clearly let her know my feelings so we could both learn together.
Kevin,
Thanks for the reply, will run through with "No Contact" for the 30 day period and see how things feel / stand at that stage. Have you seen people reflect on their negative sides during this period and do they ever tone them down? I have negative behaviours that I am working on at the minute. She was willing to do so much but I let the fear of thinking too much and not being open with her about things that I did not like or appreciate and never always clearly let her know my feelings so we could both learn together.
Nope, not a good idea.
Toward the end, I felt we had grown more distant with each other but didn't know how to close that gap. To be clear, we had an amazing relationship-open, honest, giving, caring, loving. We lived together. But when the distance started, he turned to other female friends or fill the gap. He did not go and see them, but instead started texting them. One, in particular wad inappropriate. I felt like it was cheating. He did not share my views. I asked him to stop. He thought I was trying to tell him who he could be friends with.
A few weeks ago, he posted on his FB wall: "I always seem to pick the wrong women and am single again," to which about 20 women came out to lend a shoulder. Two in particular, he had private text messages with. When I found that out, he was sleeping in my bed. It was about 1:30am. I woke him up and asked him to pack his bags and move out. He had a house of his own that he never gave up even though we were living together in every sense.
We spent the next two days and nights together talking about things. I thought we could work it out and get back on track. After the second night, he posted in his FB wall that he met the "woman of his dreams....and old high school chum he had not seen with in years." I was devastated. For the next week, I did all the wrong things. You've described most in your articles. This was about three weeks ago now. Two weeks after we ended, there appeared a new FB update: In a relationship.
I then decided to do the no contact. That hasn't gone too well because In the past week, he has sent me Snapchats. In then, he has complimented me. But worse, he told me that he loved me. I do not understand the point of those messages because he is still with that other woman. The problem, Kevin, is that I do love him. My family-parents and children- love him, and we talked about a life together and getting married.
I feel like this woman is a rebound, but I do not know. All I know is that it is hard to give up on something that was once so beautiful and the promise of that future.
Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Jill
Jill, she is probably a rebound. Don't give up until you've follow the 5 step plan at least once.
Jill, she is probably a rebound. Don't give up until you've follow the 5 step plan at least once.
Hi Kevin my bf before breaking up with me said that he loved me and we were intimate then after he broke up he said not to look for him and not to ask to go back with him...he blocked me on fb and google he doesn't answer text messages however he did answer to my emails could he be confused or should I move on and stop analyzing he's behaviors
Hey Jessica,
It's your decision whether or not you should move on. You should however, apply no contact at least for one month.
Kevin he called me angry at me BC I was on the same dating site he was...i was dumb enough to answer his call should I still apply no contact after he said he won't want anything with me
Kevin he called me angry at me BC I was on the same dating site he was...i was dumb enough to answer his call should I still apply no contact after he said he won't want anything with me
Kevin he called me angry at me BC I was on the same dating site he was...i was dumb enough to answer his call should I still apply no contact after he said he won't want anything with me
Hey Jessica,
It's your decision whether or not you should move on. You should however, apply no contact at least for one month.
Hi Kevin and everyone.
I read your great article. Thank you so much.
We broke up one year ago (reason- my jelous) and I have been bombarding her with text messages and calls after it for a VERY long time. After this I made a 4 months NC, but it's didn't work, she just told me "Never call me, I'll never want talk to you"
Are there any rules to get her back ? Like, NC for longer time, or maybe try again to contact her..
Thanks!
Peter, your chances are very less. I think you should concentrate on moving on.
Peter, your chances are very less. I think you should concentrate on moving on.
Hey Kevin,
This is adding onto my previous comment from a couple days ago that you responded to. My ex girlfriend came into my work yesterday, after 23 days of No Contact and gave me some of my stuff (she forgot one thing, not sure if intentional or not). She also said she wasn't leaving until we talked. She kept asking me why I blocked her on social media and why I'm ignoring her and I said "I think that the space is important for us now" and she said "we can just be friends, I feel fine, what's the problem?" The whole time she kept saying she is "fine" and "great" when she is clearly not. She was nervous and lying about being happy. Remember, she said a few weeks ago that she didn't care if I talked to a girl so me and her so could stay friends, which was a complete lie? Well, she said "Do you not want to talk to me because you're seeing someone?" to which I replied "I think we just need space", which left her very confused and mad because she thinks I am seeing someone, when she had originally said she wanted me to move on. She kept reiterating that she feels great, when she was obviously lying to make herself feel fine and I said "I feel great, I've been very happy lately." She ended up saying bye after and pushed the door open very angrily. She texted me after saying "Sorry for coming in and forcing you to see me, hope it wasn't too horrible. At least you got your sweater back, that's all that matters apparently" and I feel like she doesn't understand my side at all. I never responded. I think I need to text her back, because I don't want her hating me. Her mom told me she took our picture off the wall, and she has all these major mood swings now. I know she was lying when saying she is fine, and I know she wants to know if I'm seeing someone, but I still don't know what she wants. What should I respond to her though? I don't know if I can be friends with her yet, or even see her yet. She has been very avid about seeing me and staying in contact with me. I want her back, but I don't want her to take advantage of my feelings at all. I do feel much more confident though.
Thanks in advance.
Hey,
Let her go through her mood swings and let her learn to deal with her emotions. She is immature and you are not responsible to give her emotional support. At least, not after she broke up with you. If you want, you can give her an option right now. Either get back together, or give you time and space to move on. Tell her calmly, that if she wants to breakup, she should be willing to give you some time and space to move on. If she doesn't want you to move on, she should get back together.
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again, you have helped me a tremendous amount. I don't think giving her an ultimatum would be wise in this situation judging from her previous actions. I found out from a loud-mouthed friend that she was very sad and upset that I've been ignoring her and blocking her ever since she dropped off my stuff. I found out that she purposely didn't give me one of my things as well. She even always asks my friend to see my profile, or Instagram. I know this is all good news in my favor for getting her back and all, I just don't know what to text her. I want to text her tomorrow, nothing about missing her, or relationship related. Just something saying I don't hate her and the space is important, so she can understand why I am doing it. I am open to hanging out, and being my confident and funny self , but I would never act desperate or needy again. I'd remind her how awesome I am, and independent, and cool without her, etc. as mentioned in your 5 step plan. How should I go about texting her though? I am stuck on that, and would really appreciate your advice on that end. I can't thank you enough!
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again, you have helped me a tremendous amount. I don't think giving her an ultimatum would be wise in this situation judging from her previous actions. I found out from a loud-mouthed friend that she was very sad and upset that I've been ignoring her and blocking her ever since she dropped off my stuff. I found out that she purposely didn't give me one of my things as well. She even always asks my friend to see my profile, or Instagram. I know this is all good news in my favor for getting her back and all, I just don't know what to text her. I want to text her tomorrow, nothing about missing her, or relationship related. Just something saying I don't hate her and the space is important, so she can understand why I am doing it. I am open to hanging out, and being my confident and funny self , but I would never act desperate or needy again. I'd remind her how awesome I am, and independent, and cool without her, etc. as mentioned in your 5 step plan. How should I go about texting her though? I am stuck on that, and would really appreciate your advice on that end. I can't thank you enough!
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again, you have helped me a tremendous amount. I don't think giving her an ultimatum would be wise in this situation judging from her previous actions. I found out from a loud-mouthed friend that she was very sad and upset that I've been ignoring her and blocking her ever since she dropped off my stuff. I found out that she purposely didn't give me one of my things as well. She even always asks my friend to see my profile, or Instagram. I know this is all good news in my favor for getting her back and all, I just don't know what to text her. I want to text her tomorrow, nothing about missing her, or relationship related. Just something saying I don't hate her and the space is important, so she can understand why I am doing it. I am open to hanging out, and being my confident and funny self , but I would never act desperate or needy again. I'd remind her how awesome I am, and independent, and cool without her, etc. as mentioned in your 5 step plan. How should I go about texting her though? I am stuck on that, and would really appreciate your advice on that end. I can't thank you enough!
Hey,
Let her go through her mood swings and let her learn to deal with her emotions. She is immature and you are not responsible to give her emotional support. At least, not after she broke up with you. If you want, you can give her an option right now. Either get back together, or give you time and space to move on. Tell her calmly, that if she wants to breakup, she should be willing to give you some time and space to move on. If she doesn't want you to move on, she should get back together.
My question is relating to social media . I don't see much about how much should be displayed. I post something here in there to show how nice I look or me having fun on Instagram. He insists that we follow each other and that I be happy for his new relationship. How much is too much to display? Or should I not put anything for a while?? We may never get back together since he got engaged a few months after the breakup. Rebound relationship extreme??? However, I know he wants to me be happy and to 'find myself' and be confident but I am a mess. But your info confirms what I have been thinking all along, he would not be attracted to the needy me. I will follow the steps to a better 2.0 me.
Your social media activity should be the same as normal. It shouldn't look like you are posting too much just to get him jealous.
Your social media activity should be the same as normal. It shouldn't look like you are posting too much just to get him jealous.
Me and my bf dated 6 months. We broke up because another girl had taken me out and I lied about it. I never cheated or anything like that but he was too upset to stay together. For the first 2 months after the breakup we were still seeing each other as we had no choice because we were in the same college in the same class so he put matters aside and we still had sex and did couple things. After the 2 months he asked for space when school got out and I cried chased him and acted so clingy and needed toward him that it pushed him away more. Seeing that I went the NC route for 3-4 weeks. He contacted me after 3-4 weeks had past for my birthday and took me out. We had a great time he even kissed me and told me he missed me and then a few days later I found out he had been talking to someone else over the NC period. They are not in a relationship but they have gotten close and are getting to know each other. I was angry when I found out because he told me before no contact that he just needed time and space that he wouldnt talk to anyone else and he still loved and cared about me. It was obvious he did because he took me out at the end of May for my bday and even kissed me and showed he cared. When i found out about the other girl i asked him about it and said I was confused because he had just saw me and kissed me and things felt so right. After we talked he told me he was done with me and now he doesnt want any contact or cant be my friend. He is still easy to reach. I havent been blocked from any networks although I was unfriended. What should I do? He was head over heels for me and he contacted me a few days ago and told me he was thinking about me and always will but he seems very cold and distant with no emotion in his voice whatsoever but after he told me he was done then he says if I ever need anything hes hear for me always no matter what.... im so confused.... is this really the end for us?
I know he doesnt want to see me because I am his weakness and he cant be around me without wanting to be more with me so hes trying to move on with someone else and not see me or be my friend.... what do you recommend? I am confident that those feelings will always be there with him when it comes to me... he just feels like im a distraction in his life because I take away his focus on important things.... but him telling me hes done he sounded pretty serious and cold and distant but then still offered to be there for me if I ever needed anything. Hes catching feelings for another girl but i know he still has feelings for me and it seems he wants to move on and not see me or really talk to me....what should I do? Is he worth fighting for? I have been following your good friend Jason's rewind advice
but it seems I am in the death door....help! Please! Trust is what's keeping us apart and now he seems as if he found someone new worth moving on with even though they arent in a relationship. Hes interested in her and hes saying hes done with me but still cant find away to be my friend....sorry its so lengthy!
Hey Janelle,
Follow the advice in death's door. It's great for your situation. However, you should also consider the possibility of moving on. Go out on dates and perhaps even start a new relationship before contacting him again.
Hey Janelle,
Follow the advice in death's door. It's great for your situation. However, you should also consider the possibility of moving on. Go out on dates and perhaps even start a new relationship before contacting him again.
Hey Janelle,
Follow the advice in death's door. It's great for your situation. However, you should also consider the possibility of moving on. Go out on dates and perhaps even start a new relationship before contacting him again.
I know he doesnt want to see me because I am his weakness and he cant be around me without wanting to be more with me so hes trying to move on with someone else and not see me or be my friend.... what do you recommend? I am confident that those feelings will always be there with him when it comes to me... he just feels like im a distraction in his life because I take away his focus on important things.... but him telling me hes done he sounded pretty serious and cold and distant but then still offered to be there for me if I ever needed anything. Hes catching feelings for another girl but i know he still has feelings for me and it seems he wants to move on and not see me or really talk to me....what should I do? Is he worth fighting for? I have been following your good friend Jason's rewind advice
but it seems I am in the death door....help! Please! Trust is what's keeping us apart and now he seems as if he found someone new worth moving on with even though they arent in a relationship. Hes interested in her and hes saying hes done with me but still cant find away to be my friend....sorry its so lengthy!
Hi kevin,
My girlfriend and I broke up more than one week ago, and for the first day of our break-up, I did all what you said in the first stage. After 2 to 3 days I came to realize that I looked so needy and I pitty myself for that, so we talked and I said that ok I'll give her what she wants, I will fixed myself first and when I already did, I will win her back and I will make sure that that will be permanent and she apologized to me for what she did to me, she said she doesn't want to break up with me but she needs to because she's not healthy for me because i'm hurting myself and she's afraid and also we are not growing together, she wants me to have another world aside from her. And my big problem is, we are now on an annual vacation for 1 month and all our plans together have changed. I really wanted to do the NC but we have to meet each other because we have almost same set of friends. How can I do that if shes always around and after this vacation we are leaving in the same roof and working in the same company? And I get confused to her because when we last met she said that she missed me, she can't live without me, she wants us to watch a romantic movie just the two of us and even she even wants to continue our site visit for a house which is what we planned to buy for our future. I know her because if she dumped you she will never come back, and if she said that she doesn't love you anymore she really does, but the thing is she never told me that she don't love me anymore and when i asked her she didnt reply. I know her because we've been bestfriends before we became lovers but I know by that time that our feelings are mutual. So what will I do now? How can I carry this burden? Hope you could help me.. many thanks
Hey Mark,
Tell her you need some space and time and you'll appreciate if you both don't talk unless absolutely necessary. Start NC. Read this article to learn how to do NC when you are living together.
Hey Mark,
Tell her you need some space and time and you'll appreciate if you both don't talk unless absolutely necessary. Start NC. Read this article to learn how to do NC when you are living together.
Dear Everyone,
I just want to share my experience of NC so far and I hope to receive some feedback, I'd really appreciate it. It's been about 3 weeks since my last contact and in the beginning I was numb although it was hard 'not' to act crazy with excessive texts and pointless phone calls. However, recently I have been missing him terribly that my anger/disappointment with him has decreased and this emotion of 'missing him' has taken over any other feelings I may have had when we first drifted. I've been experiencing some panic attacks at night (something I've never experienced before), sleeplessness, drowsiness, nausea, loneliness, and anxiety (minor). I've learnt some breathing techniques which help temporarily but then, all those negative emotions come back and I wish I could cry but I can't although I feel my tears could drop any second. Sometimes I ask myself, could someone who once claimed to have loved in a 'deep and rare' way and 'never have felt this way before' simply disappear and not look back? or could that very person have exaggerated his feelings? or that sometimes circumstances force people to act a certain way? How could somebody who once claimed to 'not being able to live without you' suddenly go completely cold and switch off his emotions? My NC period has been an awakening period for me, I've been looking after myself, I have plans ahead, I'm trying to enjoy a moment each day but I'm human and can't help have these feelings of disappointment and grief. I hope I can pretend to be strong and cool (and I am putting that front because no one understands my situation where I am) so, I hope to get some of your insights, your hopes, your experiences with NC and mainly, what it is that you're doing to move on in your plan B? Thank you everyone, sending my love to you all xx
Rihanna
Rihanna,
I am sorry. Apparently, I was a mess after so many weeks of being fine. I just found myself asleep by this comment. I wasn't drunk either! LOL Truly no one can say if he will come back or not but as Kevin always comments, you can increase your chances by working on yourself. Men, in general don't like to be financially supported by women though they will appreciate the intentions. This is all I can generalize.
I wish the best for you and hope things happen for the best! Have a great Sunday!
And by the way, there's nothing wrong with myself and I'm happy with who I am physically and otherwise, I don't want anyone who'll fall in love with the 'change' in me but to love me for the truth in who I am... I'm physically attractive and intelligent too... we ALL can always work on ourselves in order to keep evolving in a positive direction but don't change to get somebody's attention unless that change is a MUST do for your own sake etc...
Rihanna, I can completely understand where you are coming from. A couple of days ago my partner who I lived with ended the relationship of 2 years with me. It was an incredible relationship, we experienced a lot together and everyone always said how they wanted a relationship like ours. We were absolute best friends. The past couple of months were tough, he had lost his job so couldn't afford to pay bills etc and we got ourselves into a real rut. I helped him in every way, with money, trying to find him a new job but he was on a downward spiral through depression, doing drugs and lying a lot. I suggested that we went on a break so he could move home and sort his head out. I went three days without speaking to him until his mother called me saying that he had just had a huge row with them. I got in touch with him and he took the break as a break up. I'm not sure what he did in the three days of NC but something completely changed his mind about me. We had a two hour long phone call two nights ago in which I cried and couldn't believe that he could end something so good. I've supported him through so much, and although his mind isn't in the right place at the minute I really believe that he has made his decision. I'm (hopefully) seeing him later this week for him to collect his things, but he's not spoken to me since the phone call and I've been obsessively facebook mailing him, yet no reply. I feel like I'm going insane.... I want to give him NC but I can't stop thinking or dreaming about him, I haven't eaten in days and my sleeping pattern is all messed up. I'm afraid that he has slept with someone, I'm afraid that we'll never speak again.
I have written him a letter filled with memories and hopes for the future which I'm hoping that he will appreciate and see some sense, I don't know what else to do, we were planning marriage and everything....
Rihanna, I can completely understand where you are coming from. A couple of days ago my partner who I lived with ended the relationship of 2 years with me. It was an incredible relationship, we experienced a lot together and everyone always said how they wanted a relationship like ours. We were absolute best friends. The past couple of months were tough, he had lost his job so couldn't afford to pay bills etc and we got ourselves into a real rut. I helped him in every way, with money, trying to find him a new job but he was on a downward spiral through depression, doing drugs and lying a lot. I suggested that we went on a break so he could move home and sort his head out. I went three days without speaking to him until his mother called me saying that he had just had a huge row with them. I got in touch with him and he took the break as a break up. I'm not sure what he did in the three days of NC but something completely changed his mind about me. We had a two hour long phone call two nights ago in which I cried and couldn't believe that he could end something so good. I've supported him through so much, and although his mind isn't in the right place at the minute I really believe that he has made his decision. I'm (hopefully) seeing him later this week for him to collect his things, but he's not spoken to me since the phone call and I've been obsessively facebook mailing him, yet no reply. I feel like I'm going insane.... I want to give him NC but I can't stop thinking or dreaming about him, I haven't eaten in days and my sleeping pattern is all messed up. I'm afraid that he has slept with someone, I'm afraid that we'll never speak again.
I have written him a letter filled with memories and hopes for the future which I'm hoping that he will appreciate and see some sense, I don't know what else to do, we were planning marriage and everything....
Rihanna, I can completely understand where you are coming from. A couple of days ago my partner who I lived with ended the relationship of 2 years with me. It was an incredible relationship, we experienced a lot together and everyone always said how they wanted a relationship like ours. We were absolute best friends. The past couple of months were tough, he had lost his job so couldn't afford to pay bills etc and we got ourselves into a real rut. I helped him in every way, with money, trying to find him a new job but he was on a downward spiral through depression, doing drugs and lying a lot. I suggested that we went on a break so he could move home and sort his head out. I went three days without speaking to him until his mother called me saying that he had just had a huge row with them. I got in touch with him and he took the break as a break up. I'm not sure what he did in the three days of NC but something completely changed his mind about me. We had a two hour long phone call two nights ago in which I cried and couldn't believe that he could end something so good. I've supported him through so much, and although his mind isn't in the right place at the minute I really believe that he has made his decision. I'm (hopefully) seeing him later this week for him to collect his things, but he's not spoken to me since the phone call and I've been obsessively facebook mailing him, yet no reply. I feel like I'm going insane.... I want to give him NC but I can't stop thinking or dreaming about him, I haven't eaten in days and my sleeping pattern is all messed up. I'm afraid that he has slept with someone, I'm afraid that we'll never speak again.
I have written him a letter filled with memories and hopes for the future which I'm hoping that he will appreciate and see some sense, I don't know what else to do, we were planning marriage and everything....
Rihanna, I can completely understand where you are coming from. A couple of days ago my partner who I lived with ended the relationship of 2 years with me. It was an incredible relationship, we experienced a lot together and everyone always said how they wanted a relationship like ours. We were absolute best friends. The past couple of months were tough, he had lost his job so couldn't afford to pay bills etc and we got ourselves into a real rut. I helped him in every way, with money, trying to find him a new job but he was on a downward spiral through depression, doing drugs and lying a lot. I suggested that we went on a break so he could move home and sort his head out. I went three days without speaking to him until his mother called me saying that he had just had a huge row with them. I got in touch with him and he took the break as a break up. I'm not sure what he did in the three days of NC but something completely changed his mind about me. We had a two hour long phone call two nights ago in which I cried and couldn't believe that he could end something so good. I've supported him through so much, and although his mind isn't in the right place at the minute I really believe that he has made his decision. I'm (hopefully) seeing him later this week for him to collect his things, but he's not spoken to me since the phone call and I've been obsessively facebook mailing him, yet no reply. I feel like I'm going insane.... I want to give him NC but I can't stop thinking or dreaming about him, I haven't eaten in days and my sleeping pattern is all messed up. I'm afraid that he has slept with someone, I'm afraid that we'll never speak again.
I have written him a letter filled with memories and hopes for the future which I'm hoping that he will appreciate and see some sense, I don't know what else to do, we were planning marriage and everything....
And by the way, there's nothing wrong with myself and I'm happy with who I am physically and otherwise, I don't want anyone who'll fall in love with the 'change' in me but to love me for the truth in who I am... I'm physically attractive and intelligent too... we ALL can always work on ourselves in order to keep evolving in a positive direction but don't change to get somebody's attention unless that change is a MUST do for your own sake etc...
And by the way, there's nothing wrong with myself and I'm happy with who I am physically and otherwise, I don't want anyone who'll fall in love with the 'change' in me but to love me for the truth in who I am... I'm physically attractive and intelligent too... we ALL can always work on ourselves in order to keep evolving in a positive direction but don't change to get somebody's attention unless that change is a MUST do for your own sake etc...
Rihanna,
Hey, I feel you. When the break up is still fresh, i am so clingy. Then i suddenly feel good alone and feel good about myself. Just as i thought that im already slowly moving on, i had again these panic attacks especially at night when i will suddenly jolt out in bed and wanting to throw up and palpitating. I hate that feeling so much. I have been sick since then. I have been physically, emotionally and psychologically tired. I tried pretending too that I can do it but it's hard to fake yourself. At times, i get so mad at her because she seems fine that i just wish i will suddenly forget her. I dont want to be bitter because it will only backfire on me but i dont want to feel concerned about her too. I dont know where to stand so I cannot help you with it yet. But Kevin said that it is normal when you are trying to do NC and you suddenly crave for him because it is your fucking mind playing tricks on you.
I dont know how to make you feel better but i just want to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE :)
Thank you Raed and Dara. May I ask how long into NC you're both into? And if you've had your first contact after NC, how did that go? I'm not sure how different men and women are when it comes to matters of the heart but from your comments I'm sensing men can also suffer a breakup just as bad as women. I'm sorry to hear of your sufferings and thank you for your comfort and support. I think from what I've sensed from this program is although the title of it is 'how to get your ex back' it's really about how to move on and be ok with it. the NC serves a very good purpose to the mind and to be able to trick it back or train it into believing that we'll survive alone and without our exes. But it's a kinder way of saying 'move on and don't look back cos your ex is an 'ex' for a reason' so the title is 'get your ex back permanently' - that's if you still want them after a lot of time has gone past and you've become a new person. I guess, either way this is a great program and Kevin is giving a lot of his time to offer us support in our time of grief to enable us to move past our hurt. The only confusion I have with my break up is that we never fought, we had a 'wonderful' relationship if only we had some money to back us up. I regret my past decisions because if I had taken better care of my pocket I'd be in a different position, I've suffered so much and lost a lot more financially and otherwise and the only joy I want from life is to 'love'. And now that's gone too... But thank you for sharing your stories, you've been great help too (as well as Kevin). You're not alone either, I'm here too unfortunately :( ... Thank god for this site so that I can vent out cos I have no one to do that with and thank god for someone like Kevin, he'll keep us sane with few white lies and good advice... Enjoy your weekend
Thank you Raed and Dara. May I ask how long into NC you're both into? And if you've had your first contact after NC, how did that go? I'm not sure how different men and women are when it comes to matters of the heart but from your comments I'm sensing men can also suffer a breakup just as bad as women. I'm sorry to hear of your sufferings and thank you for your comfort and support. I think from what I've sensed from this program is although the title of it is 'how to get your ex back' it's really about how to move on and be ok with it. the NC serves a very good purpose to the mind and to be able to trick it back or train it into believing that we'll survive alone and without our exes. But it's a kinder way of saying 'move on and don't look back cos your ex is an 'ex' for a reason' so the title is 'get your ex back permanently' - that's if you still want them after a lot of time has gone past and you've become a new person. I guess, either way this is a great program and Kevin is giving a lot of his time to offer us support in our time of grief to enable us to move past our hurt. The only confusion I have with my break up is that we never fought, we had a 'wonderful' relationship if only we had some money to back us up. I regret my past decisions because if I had taken better care of my pocket I'd be in a different position, I've suffered so much and lost a lot more financially and otherwise and the only joy I want from life is to 'love'. And now that's gone too... But thank you for sharing your stories, you've been great help too (as well as Kevin). You're not alone either, I'm here too unfortunately :( ... Thank god for this site so that I can vent out cos I have no one to do that with and thank god for someone like Kevin, he'll keep us sane with few white lies and good advice... Enjoy your weekend
Thank you Raed and Dara. May I ask how long into NC you're both into? And if you've had your first contact after NC, how did that go? I'm not sure how different men and women are when it comes to matters of the heart but from your comments I'm sensing men can also suffer a breakup just as bad as women. I'm sorry to hear of your sufferings and thank you for your comfort and support. I think from what I've sensed from this program is although the title of it is 'how to get your ex back' it's really about how to move on and be ok with it. the NC serves a very good purpose to the mind and to be able to trick it back or train it into believing that we'll survive alone and without our exes. But it's a kinder way of saying 'move on and don't look back cos your ex is an 'ex' for a reason' so the title is 'get your ex back permanently' - that's if you still want them after a lot of time has gone past and you've become a new person. I guess, either way this is a great program and Kevin is giving a lot of his time to offer us support in our time of grief to enable us to move past our hurt. The only confusion I have with my break up is that we never fought, we had a 'wonderful' relationship if only we had some money to back us up. I regret my past decisions because if I had taken better care of my pocket I'd be in a different position, I've suffered so much and lost a lot more financially and otherwise and the only joy I want from life is to 'love'. And now that's gone too... But thank you for sharing your stories, you've been great help too (as well as Kevin). You're not alone either, I'm here too unfortunately :( ... Thank god for this site so that I can vent out cos I have no one to do that with and thank god for someone like Kevin, he'll keep us sane with few white lies and good advice... Enjoy your weekend
Rihanna,
I believe everyone here has more or less the same feelings as you do. For me about 40 days are passed and now I feel far better than the day she broke up with me. In the first 7 days, maybe I had all sorts of dreams/nightmare about her. In some, we were together again while in some other she was with another guy. It was terrible. However, as time passed the intensity of my negative feelings decreased. Probably because it was not my first breakup plus I worked some much on myself that I almost got my self-confidence back.
Yes, it is annoying when I think about the love letters/notes that she used to put in my wallet, bag, etc. to surprise me but the last day she told me she never loved me. I kept those notes and kept reading them everyday. This is how I fell in love with her, but she didn't want my love anymore!
Even though in the first days it was hard to hold a smile on my face, if my friends asked me about her, I would say, "Its life and people come and go, I think she is gone. Lets see how the next one is..." and we would laugh at it. Maybe they felt bad about me because they knew that I had a surprise B'day party for her just 20 days before our breakup and I had prepared another big surprise for Valentines day with the help of another friend.
Anyway, whenever I feel stupid about doing those many favors to her, I tell myself that she is gone because she did not deserve it. By the way, she was not all bad. LOL
Rihanna and Sarah, take your time. Work on yourself. Learn to become a bit selfish. Time will heal everything.
Cheers!!
Dara
Sarah and Dara, Thank you for your reply.
I'm sorry to hear that we're going through this pain and not sure if our exes even care. My ex and I had a loving breakup cos it was due to circumstances and now we live in different cities. He's been ignoring my calls and texts ever since I came except for once almost a month ago when he called to ask what I want to do with my stuff? And I thought, ummm there's NOTHING I can do because I left town so told him to chuck everything away to goodwill but asked him if you could keep my books and said 'ok, will do' in his final message to me. I'm the one who should be angry and never want to speak to him again cos of his attitude and how he treated the circumstances (he had an injury and doctors told him he couldn't work and he ran out of money too)... I'm on my third week of NC and plan to text him in a month time 'something reminds me of you' but if he ignores that text as well I think as hard as it sounds I'll try and move on... I have a feeling that he'll want to contact me someday and that day will be too late if he keeps pushing me away now. I was in one other long term relationship before him but we had zero connection, zero love, zero intimacy for the entire time so I walked out of that very long relationship with zero regret and I don't miss him at all... My ex is my first experience with true love (even at my age, I'm in my early 30s) and he always loved that about me too. We had a passionate, loving relationship, we had trust, great connection, great communication and people envied what we had wherever we went cos it's that rare kind of love. I wish to know whether he's thinking about me during NC, or missing me. How will I find out these things? Wouldn't he get in contact with me if he missed me? and sometimes I wonder if he was honest with me, the only thing that gives me hope that what we had was real is that he invited me to stay at his family home (and I did) and he introduced me to all his friends and relatives as 'his fiancee'... I need a guy's point of view here to see what goes on inside my ex's head? lol
Rihanna,
Today, I miss her the most considering last 2-3 weeks. Maybe its a weekend and I am alone by myself. Its strange because last week I was even considering moving on.
I am 31 and had 6-7 relationships from 6 months to 2 years excluding my last one and many dates. I am sure that non of my friend will ever imagine that I am looking forward to win my ex back.
Once, I had a long distance relationship with a girl for 6 months but eventually I broke up with her. It was fun in the beginning but my problem was that we never had intimacy because of her religious points of view. I had to support her emotionally but did not get in return what I expected. Moreover, I did not like the pet names she kept on me (probably she thought that she is acting funny). Also, on those days I had terrible financial problems (was student and hand no job) and preferred saving every single cents rather than spending on a date. Well, it hurts to be a man but your girlfriend who is also not in good condition take you on a date (well don't forget a non-intimate one). My feelings were gone. To make things worse she would criticize me for not responding her texts. It was all unintentional. It was like a force made me not look at her texts.
One day, she got frustrated and asked me to breakup. I accepted it but could hear her crying on the phone. I felt so bad about myself that I felt like I should have never started this relationship. Soon, I started looking for another girl. She called me after a month. This time she was firm and not needy.We had a wonderful night together. She had a royal kind of dress. During the dinner, she kept saying how sexy, handsome, etc. I looked... that I am the man of her dreams, blah blah. But I was thinking if I looked so sexy then why don't you have sex with me!! I walked her to the Inn where she was supposed to stay at that night and she screamed "I love you" even when I was far away.
Rihanna, this was my only long distance relationship and I decided not to have any LD anymore. Also, I never promised her anything and I never told her "I Love You". I am sure that every man has his own reasons for breakups and I don't know what is ideal to your ex. Kevin has an article about LD breakups. I hope you have seen it.
Have a great weekend and keep calm!
Dara
Dara, I wasn't in a LD relationship I was living with him but I moved back with my family to a different city Because we broke up and we broke up due to financial circumstances due to his health. He wouldn't allow me to support him $ cos he's old school so he sent me to my parents and broke contact with me... Do you think he'll come back? He said he's never been in love before me (though he's had lots of relationships and was in a long term before me too) and I've never felt this connection with anyone either... I'm sooooooooo sad! :'(
Dara, I wasn't in a LD relationship I was living with him but I moved back with my family to a different city Because we broke up and we broke up due to financial circumstances due to his health. He wouldn't allow me to support him $ cos he's old school so he sent me to my parents and broke contact with me... Do you think he'll come back? He said he's never been in love before me (though he's had lots of relationships and was in a long term before me too) and I've never felt this connection with anyone either... I'm sooooooooo sad! :'(
Dara, I wasn't in a LD relationship I was living with him but I moved back with my family to a different city Because we broke up and we broke up due to financial circumstances due to his health. He wouldn't allow me to support him $ cos he's old school so he sent me to my parents and broke contact with me... Do you think he'll come back? He said he's never been in love before me (though he's had lots of relationships and was in a long term before me too) and I've never felt this connection with anyone either... I'm sooooooooo sad! :'(
Dara, I wasn't in a LD relationship I was living with him but I moved back with my family to a different city Because we broke up and we broke up due to financial circumstances due to his health. He wouldn't allow me to support him $ cos he's old school so he sent me to my parents and broke contact with me... Do you think he'll come back? He said he's never been in love before me (though he's had lots of relationships and was in a long term before me too) and I've never felt this connection with anyone either... I'm sooooooooo sad! :'(
Dara, I wasn't in a LD relationship I was living with him but I moved back with my family to a different city Because we broke up and we broke up due to financial circumstances due to his health. He wouldn't allow me to support him $ cos he's old school so he sent me to my parents and broke contact with me... Do you think he'll come back? He said he's never been in love before me (though he's had lots of relationships and was in a long term before me too) and I've never felt this connection with anyone either... I'm sooooooooo sad! :'(
Rihanna,
Today, I miss her the most considering last 2-3 weeks. Maybe its a weekend and I am alone by myself. Its strange because last week I was even considering moving on.
I am 31 and had 6-7 relationships from 6 months to 2 years excluding my last one and many dates. I am sure that non of my friend will ever imagine that I am looking forward to win my ex back.
Once, I had a long distance relationship with a girl for 6 months but eventually I broke up with her. It was fun in the beginning but my problem was that we never had intimacy because of her religious points of view. I had to support her emotionally but did not get in return what I expected. Moreover, I did not like the pet names she kept on me (probably she thought that she is acting funny). Also, on those days I had terrible financial problems (was student and hand no job) and preferred saving every single cents rather than spending on a date. Well, it hurts to be a man but your girlfriend who is also not in good condition take you on a date (well don't forget a non-intimate one). My feelings were gone. To make things worse she would criticize me for not responding her texts. It was all unintentional. It was like a force made me not look at her texts.
One day, she got frustrated and asked me to breakup. I accepted it but could hear her crying on the phone. I felt so bad about myself that I felt like I should have never started this relationship. Soon, I started looking for another girl. She called me after a month. This time she was firm and not needy.We had a wonderful night together. She had a royal kind of dress. During the dinner, she kept saying how sexy, handsome, etc. I looked... that I am the man of her dreams, blah blah. But I was thinking if I looked so sexy then why don't you have sex with me!! I walked her to the Inn where she was supposed to stay at that night and she screamed "I love you" even when I was far away.
Rihanna, this was my only long distance relationship and I decided not to have any LD anymore. Also, I never promised her anything and I never told her "I Love You". I am sure that every man has his own reasons for breakups and I don't know what is ideal to your ex. Kevin has an article about LD breakups. I hope you have seen it.
Have a great weekend and keep calm!
Dara
Rihanna,
Today, I miss her the most considering last 2-3 weeks. Maybe its a weekend and I am alone by myself. Its strange because last week I was even considering moving on.
I am 31 and had 6-7 relationships from 6 months to 2 years excluding my last one and many dates. I am sure that non of my friend will ever imagine that I am looking forward to win my ex back.
Once, I had a long distance relationship with a girl for 6 months but eventually I broke up with her. It was fun in the beginning but my problem was that we never had intimacy because of her religious points of view. I had to support her emotionally but did not get in return what I expected. Moreover, I did not like the pet names she kept on me (probably she thought that she is acting funny). Also, on those days I had terrible financial problems (was student and hand no job) and preferred saving every single cents rather than spending on a date. Well, it hurts to be a man but your girlfriend who is also not in good condition take you on a date (well don't forget a non-intimate one). My feelings were gone. To make things worse she would criticize me for not responding her texts. It was all unintentional. It was like a force made me not look at her texts.
One day, she got frustrated and asked me to breakup. I accepted it but could hear her crying on the phone. I felt so bad about myself that I felt like I should have never started this relationship. Soon, I started looking for another girl. She called me after a month. This time she was firm and not needy.We had a wonderful night together. She had a royal kind of dress. During the dinner, she kept saying how sexy, handsome, etc. I looked... that I am the man of her dreams, blah blah. But I was thinking if I looked so sexy then why don't you have sex with me!! I walked her to the Inn where she was supposed to stay at that night and she screamed "I love you" even when I was far away.
Rihanna, this was my only long distance relationship and I decided not to have any LD anymore. Also, I never promised her anything and I never told her "I Love You". I am sure that every man has his own reasons for breakups and I don't know what is ideal to your ex. Kevin has an article about LD breakups. I hope you have seen it.
Have a great weekend and keep calm!
Dara
Rihanna,
Today, I miss her the most considering last 2-3 weeks. Maybe its a weekend and I am alone by myself. Its strange because last week I was even considering moving on.
I am 31 and had 6-7 relationships from 6 months to 2 years excluding my last one and many dates. I am sure that non of my friend will ever imagine that I am looking forward to win my ex back.
Once, I had a long distance relationship with a girl for 6 months but eventually I broke up with her. It was fun in the beginning but my problem was that we never had intimacy because of her religious points of view. I had to support her emotionally but did not get in return what I expected. Moreover, I did not like the pet names she kept on me (probably she thought that she is acting funny). Also, on those days I had terrible financial problems (was student and hand no job) and preferred saving every single cents rather than spending on a date. Well, it hurts to be a man but your girlfriend who is also not in good condition take you on a date (well don't forget a non-intimate one). My feelings were gone. To make things worse she would criticize me for not responding her texts. It was all unintentional. It was like a force made me not look at her texts.
One day, she got frustrated and asked me to breakup. I accepted it but could hear her crying on the phone. I felt so bad about myself that I felt like I should have never started this relationship. Soon, I started looking for another girl. She called me after a month. This time she was firm and not needy.We had a wonderful night together. She had a royal kind of dress. During the dinner, she kept saying how sexy, handsome, etc. I looked... that I am the man of her dreams, blah blah. But I was thinking if I looked so sexy then why don't you have sex with me!! I walked her to the Inn where she was supposed to stay at that night and she screamed "I love you" even when I was far away.
Rihanna, this was my only long distance relationship and I decided not to have any LD anymore. Also, I never promised her anything and I never told her "I Love You". I am sure that every man has his own reasons for breakups and I don't know what is ideal to your ex. Kevin has an article about LD breakups. I hope you have seen it.
Have a great weekend and keep calm!
Dara
Sarah and Dara, Thank you for your reply.
I'm sorry to hear that we're going through this pain and not sure if our exes even care. My ex and I had a loving breakup cos it was due to circumstances and now we live in different cities. He's been ignoring my calls and texts ever since I came except for once almost a month ago when he called to ask what I want to do with my stuff? And I thought, ummm there's NOTHING I can do because I left town so told him to chuck everything away to goodwill but asked him if you could keep my books and said 'ok, will do' in his final message to me. I'm the one who should be angry and never want to speak to him again cos of his attitude and how he treated the circumstances (he had an injury and doctors told him he couldn't work and he ran out of money too)... I'm on my third week of NC and plan to text him in a month time 'something reminds me of you' but if he ignores that text as well I think as hard as it sounds I'll try and move on... I have a feeling that he'll want to contact me someday and that day will be too late if he keeps pushing me away now. I was in one other long term relationship before him but we had zero connection, zero love, zero intimacy for the entire time so I walked out of that very long relationship with zero regret and I don't miss him at all... My ex is my first experience with true love (even at my age, I'm in my early 30s) and he always loved that about me too. We had a passionate, loving relationship, we had trust, great connection, great communication and people envied what we had wherever we went cos it's that rare kind of love. I wish to know whether he's thinking about me during NC, or missing me. How will I find out these things? Wouldn't he get in contact with me if he missed me? and sometimes I wonder if he was honest with me, the only thing that gives me hope that what we had was real is that he invited me to stay at his family home (and I did) and he introduced me to all his friends and relatives as 'his fiancee'... I need a guy's point of view here to see what goes on inside my ex's head? lol
Sarah and Dara, Thank you for your reply.
I'm sorry to hear that we're going through this pain and not sure if our exes even care. My ex and I had a loving breakup cos it was due to circumstances and now we live in different cities. He's been ignoring my calls and texts ever since I came except for once almost a month ago when he called to ask what I want to do with my stuff? And I thought, ummm there's NOTHING I can do because I left town so told him to chuck everything away to goodwill but asked him if you could keep my books and said 'ok, will do' in his final message to me. I'm the one who should be angry and never want to speak to him again cos of his attitude and how he treated the circumstances (he had an injury and doctors told him he couldn't work and he ran out of money too)... I'm on my third week of NC and plan to text him in a month time 'something reminds me of you' but if he ignores that text as well I think as hard as it sounds I'll try and move on... I have a feeling that he'll want to contact me someday and that day will be too late if he keeps pushing me away now. I was in one other long term relationship before him but we had zero connection, zero love, zero intimacy for the entire time so I walked out of that very long relationship with zero regret and I don't miss him at all... My ex is my first experience with true love (even at my age, I'm in my early 30s) and he always loved that about me too. We had a passionate, loving relationship, we had trust, great connection, great communication and people envied what we had wherever we went cos it's that rare kind of love. I wish to know whether he's thinking about me during NC, or missing me. How will I find out these things? Wouldn't he get in contact with me if he missed me? and sometimes I wonder if he was honest with me, the only thing that gives me hope that what we had was real is that he invited me to stay at his family home (and I did) and he introduced me to all his friends and relatives as 'his fiancee'... I need a guy's point of view here to see what goes on inside my ex's head? lol
Hi, I can feel you I am having pretty much the same feelings. It is just that I asked him for too much and gave him an ultimatum. I thought that I was right that he had to do more for our relationship. We have had a long distance relationship for 4 years now and I couldn't take it any more. I was so angry with him. After two months it is clear to me that I want him and I love him more then I thought. All the pride and anger are gone and it is just the hurt that remained. I finished the NC and I contacted him. He answered me just a polite e-mail and after that nothing, no answer at all to the short messages. I was terribly wrong. Every night I cry myself to sleep and every morning when I wake up I can just feel a big kick in my stomach and the panic attack starts.
Hang on and if you have the energy to enjoy the moment, its the best thing you can do. Good luck.
Rihanna,
I am sorry. Apparently, I was a mess after so many weeks of being fine. I just found myself asleep by this comment. I wasn't drunk either! LOL Truly no one can say if he will come back or not but as Kevin always comments, you can increase your chances by working on yourself. Men, in general don't like to be financially supported by women though they will appreciate the intentions. This is all I can generalize.
I wish the best for you and hope things happen for the best! Have a great Sunday!
Rihanna,
Hey, I feel you. When the break up is still fresh, i am so clingy. Then i suddenly feel good alone and feel good about myself. Just as i thought that im already slowly moving on, i had again these panic attacks especially at night when i will suddenly jolt out in bed and wanting to throw up and palpitating. I hate that feeling so much. I have been sick since then. I have been physically, emotionally and psychologically tired. I tried pretending too that I can do it but it's hard to fake yourself. At times, i get so mad at her because she seems fine that i just wish i will suddenly forget her. I dont want to be bitter because it will only backfire on me but i dont want to feel concerned about her too. I dont know where to stand so I cannot help you with it yet. But Kevin said that it is normal when you are trying to do NC and you suddenly crave for him because it is your fucking mind playing tricks on you.
I dont know how to make you feel better but i just want to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE :)
Rihanna,
I believe everyone here has more or less the same feelings as you do. For me about 40 days are passed and now I feel far better than the day she broke up with me. In the first 7 days, maybe I had all sorts of dreams/nightmare about her. In some, we were together again while in some other she was with another guy. It was terrible. However, as time passed the intensity of my negative feelings decreased. Probably because it was not my first breakup plus I worked some much on myself that I almost got my self-confidence back.
Yes, it is annoying when I think about the love letters/notes that she used to put in my wallet, bag, etc. to surprise me but the last day she told me she never loved me. I kept those notes and kept reading them everyday. This is how I fell in love with her, but she didn't want my love anymore!
Even though in the first days it was hard to hold a smile on my face, if my friends asked me about her, I would say, "Its life and people come and go, I think she is gone. Lets see how the next one is..." and we would laugh at it. Maybe they felt bad about me because they knew that I had a surprise B'day party for her just 20 days before our breakup and I had prepared another big surprise for Valentines day with the help of another friend.
Anyway, whenever I feel stupid about doing those many favors to her, I tell myself that she is gone because she did not deserve it. By the way, she was not all bad. LOL
Rihanna and Sarah, take your time. Work on yourself. Learn to become a bit selfish. Time will heal everything.
Cheers!!
Dara
Hi, I can feel you I am having pretty much the same feelings. It is just that I asked him for too much and gave him an ultimatum. I thought that I was right that he had to do more for our relationship. We have had a long distance relationship for 4 years now and I couldn't take it any more. I was so angry with him. After two months it is clear to me that I want him and I love him more then I thought. All the pride and anger are gone and it is just the hurt that remained. I finished the NC and I contacted him. He answered me just a polite e-mail and after that nothing, no answer at all to the short messages. I was terribly wrong. Every night I cry myself to sleep and every morning when I wake up I can just feel a big kick in my stomach and the panic attack starts.
Hang on and if you have the energy to enjoy the moment, its the best thing you can do. Good luck.
Hi Everyone,
It's been pretty nice having so many people that understand what were all going through and with everyone being so supportive of each other, it makes things so much easier. I am grateful to everyone who has commented on my post, you guys helped me out of some dark places, so thank you. I'd like to say its been fun guys but that would be a lie hahaha, I'm just happy I am moving past this time in my life. That being said I am still glad I have had the opportunity to talk to you guys, I hope the best for all of you. Kevin, its been great and I thank you so much for your help through this but I can honestly say I hope I never need your help again hahaha.
P.S. One last thing everyone, whenever you feel as if things are at their worst, just remember, when everything is dark and cold, even if you can't see it, always know the sun is just over the horizon. So no matter how long the night last, the sun will rise again.
If you have ever watched the sun rise, than you know what it feels like to be kissed by the rays of the sun, those first few beams of light that run down your face, to be engulfed by that warmth that envelopes your entire body...its waiting for you!!!
"It's always darkest just before the dawn"
Good Luck, and Goodbye
good luck, Zach! Something better will come your way and you will wonder why you even considered getting back with your ex. All the best!
Good luck to you Zach! What's going on with you, why the 'goodbye'? :)
Hey Rihanna,
Its all on the last comments page, close to the top, it was a series of post between a bunch of us. It should explain the goodbye.
I read that you were giving up and it's disappointing although, if you've moved on then it's great for you and good luck! Wishing you all the best for your future :)
I read that you were giving up and it's disappointing although, if you've moved on then it's great for you and good luck! Wishing you all the best for your future :)
I read that you were giving up and it's disappointing although, if you've moved on then it's great for you and good luck! Wishing you all the best for your future :)
I read that you were giving up and it's disappointing although, if you've moved on then it's great for you and good luck! Wishing you all the best for your future :)
Hey Rihanna,
Its all on the last comments page, close to the top, it was a series of post between a bunch of us. It should explain the goodbye.
Hey Rihanna,
Its all on the last comments page, close to the top, it was a series of post between a bunch of us. It should explain the goodbye.
good luck, Zach! Something better will come your way and you will wonder why you even considered getting back with your ex. All the best!
Good luck to you Zach! What's going on with you, why the 'goodbye'? :)
Kevin,
Now that she didnt reply. What wise move should o dp next? Wait weeks? Or months? And what to text her?
Really need your advice. Thanks
Hey Daniel,
I'd recommend you wait a month. I think she can use one more month of no contact. There's a text about GSI in relationship rewind in the death's door section. Use that one. Although, skip the first part of the text since you didn't really act too much crazy after the breakup.
Hey Daniel,
I'd recommend you wait a month. I think she can use one more month of no contact. There's a text about GSI in relationship rewind in the death's door section. Use that one. Although, skip the first part of the text since you didn't really act too much crazy after the breakup.
Hi Kevin, 7 days ago my partner of 7 years just walk out on me and my son and said he's not in love with me anymore and that he felt it for quite a few weeks now. The most devastating thing is he is with another woman who i trusted and was so very close to me. It really broke my heart to pieces knowing they're constantly communicating behind my back. Now he's with her and said he fall in love with her and wants a future with her. I don't know at this point what i'm going to do, i'm still in so much pain. Although i did the bad thing of begging when he walked out but that was it, i didn't say anything again or rant to him about what he's done to me. I love him so much that i want him to be back in my life and start all over again. We have a 5 yr old son so it's hard to do the NC thing. What should i do to make him come back to us? He's with the woman now and she has a child too which was my son's now ex best friend.... Him spending time with them is not gonna do good in the eyes of my son. Please help. Thank you. G.
You should do NC. Read this article to learn how to do NC when you have a child together.
You should do NC. Read this article to learn how to do NC when you have a child together.
Hi Kevin how are you? Here is a quick summary of my situation, I was in a 4 year relationship we had our ups and downs and tried our best to keep things strong but eventually hurt each other and then she couldn't take it anymore and gave up on me. This was around 9 months ago, I pleaded, begged her back but of course it didn't work. There has been a few times where we would communicate via text, she would message me saying I saw you in my dreams last night. After that we had a argument which made her upset.This was just under a month ago ever since then I have been doing no contact so that is about 22 days no contact so far. My question is do you think she's thinking about me or missing me? Also her birthday is 9 days time? Do I message her happy birthday? Will that break the no contact rule? I'm so confused if I should message her happy birthday or not? Please help me. Thank You
She is probably missing you. Wish her birthday but keep it short. Don't contact her after birthday for 1-2 weeks.
I have wished her happy birthday today let's see if I get a reply. If I do I will not respond for 1 or 2 weeks then what do I do Kevin?
I have wished her happy birthday today let's see if I get a reply. If I do I will not respond for 1 or 2 weeks then what do I do Kevin?
I have wished her happy birthday today let's see if I get a reply. If I do I will not respond for 1 or 2 weeks then what do I do Kevin?
She is probably missing you. Wish her birthday but keep it short. Don't contact her after birthday for 1-2 weeks.
Hey kevin, please help me out.
I was the bitch in our relationship. I treated my ex bad. Even he also treated me as shit at the end. But we were so madly in love for nearly 3 years but this sudden stormy situation ruined everything. I admit that he's the best guy I ve ever had and he also says that I'm the best girl he has had in his life. At the latter part we faught so often. Our rekationship was a bitter pain for both of us.. yet we stayed togethr because we remembered how much we loved eachother. But on my birthday i got a big surprise gift from a guy who likes me.but my ex just wished right at d mid night and thats all. I didnt know who sent me that gift so i asked my ex whether it was him. After i found out who it was i told my ex about that. He wasnt mad. But at the middle of the convo we faught for some reason and i told him that we're so not the right couple. Then he said that he got some messages from his ex and told her that he lives only me. He said that he woukd just go to her if he knew that i didn't believe we're the right couple. So i asked him to go back to his ex. He said ok and left. Then i found out that he's in a relationship with a girl (not his ex) who he met in a dating site who lives oceans away from here. We were just friends after we broke up. And after i got to know that he'sin an online relationship i asked him out again. He said no. :-( is there a chance that he would come back to me? Plus he said he likes me 99 but he hates me 100. :-(
Dew,
You should apply no contact. There's a chance you will get him back, but from the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Do NC for at least three months. Think very hard if it's possible to have a healthy relationship with him. Approach him after NC only if you are absolutely sure that you can have a healthy relationship with him.
I'm doing NC since last week.. it acts in the other way I think. I mean like now I realize that I treated him bad. Every rude thing I did flashes my mind.. I doubt that we can have a happy relatinship even if he comes back.. I have my final exams in august.. so I thought of concentrating n the exam. I ll learn through my mistakes. I ll do as u say.. :-). Thanks a lot..
I'm doing NC since last week.. it acts in the other way I think. I mean like now I realize that I treated him bad. Every rude thing I did flashes my mind.. I doubt that we can have a happy relatinship even if he comes back.. I have my final exams in august.. so I thought of concentrating n the exam. I ll learn through my mistakes. I ll do as u say.. :-). Thanks a lot..
I'm doing NC since last week.. it acts in the other way I think. I mean like now I realize that I treated him bad. Every rude thing I did flashes my mind.. I doubt that we can have a happy relatinship even if he comes back.. I have my final exams in august.. so I thought of concentrating n the exam. I ll learn through my mistakes. I ll do as u say.. :-). Thanks a lot..
Dew,
You should apply no contact. There's a chance you will get him back, but from the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Do NC for at least three months. Think very hard if it's possible to have a healthy relationship with him. Approach him after NC only if you are absolutely sure that you can have a healthy relationship with him.
Hi so I took your advice after last time. Basically had no contact and send her the letter..she got in touch saying she's really happy for me but can only be my friend. I know it's important to establish the friendship first so what would be the next step after that. Thanks
Be friends with her. Talk to her and eventually ask her to hang out.
Be friends with her. Talk to her and eventually ask her to hang out.
What does it mean if he keeps texting me that he misses me
It probably means that he misses you. :P
LOL
LOL
LOL
It probably means that he misses you. :P
Hey Kevin!
My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and immediately after that I begged him for a another chance because I was so sad. I asked him if we could try something.
So we have agreed 3 weeks ago that we don't have contact for a month. But you said, that we shouldn't tell our ex that, so is this no-contact month senseless now?
I also wrote him after a week and asked him if he does something to miss me and he told me that there is a 51 % chance that the feelings come back.
So is this senseless? Because we arranged that..
And if so, what can I do next? In about a week he wanted to contact me if it worked or not. I'm so desperate right now but I really don't want to lose him!
Can you help me? What should I do next?
No it's not senseless. It will still work. Make a lot of positive changes in your life during this time. If you are still desperate when he contacts you, tell him you need some more time and do NC for another month. As long as you are desperate, your chances of getting him back are very less.
P.S. I'm turning 18 next week and my boyfriend is 20 and we were together for about 2 1/2 years
No it's not senseless. It will still work. Make a lot of positive changes in your life during this time. If you are still desperate when he contacts you, tell him you need some more time and do NC for another month. As long as you are desperate, your chances of getting him back are very less.
P.S. I'm turning 18 next week and my boyfriend is 20 and we were together for about 2 1/2 years
hi again,
maybe you're right. i think i'll give myself about 6 more months. i still need to change and be ready. I need to be more confident. But i have a huge problem. a few weeks ago, i have been sending some messages to his other facebook account (which he never opens by the way). that is the reason why i keep on sending all my thoughts and feelings for him on that account is because i know that he will never check it. then suddenly to my surprise, i saw that he opened the account and read my messages. all the things i feel and all my thoughts were in those messages. i;m afraid because of that, i blew my chances of getting him back. he never replied and he never texted me. i then texted him saying sorry because those messagaes were not meant to be read by him and i thought he would never open that fb account. i never received a reply. =( you think i still have a chance? what should i do then? =( help me please. i realy love this guy.
Hey Liah,
A word of advice. Next time, use a diary. You know a part of you knew that there's a small chance he will read it. And that part was hoping that when he reads it, he will get affected and perhaps want to get back together. But it didn't work the way that part hoped. That's the part that makes people needy and desperate after the breakup. You were able to control your actions, but that part somehow managed to make you look needy once again.
It definitely was a step backwards. But, it didn't really destroy your chances completely. I think you should do a few months NC to repair the damage.
Hey Liah,
A word of advice. Next time, use a diary. You know a part of you knew that there's a small chance he will read it. And that part was hoping that when he reads it, he will get affected and perhaps want to get back together. But it didn't work the way that part hoped. That's the part that makes people needy and desperate after the breakup. You were able to control your actions, but that part somehow managed to make you look needy once again.
It definitely was a step backwards. But, it didn't really destroy your chances completely. I think you should do a few months NC to repair the damage.
My ex son's father and I have had an off and on relationship for 4 years now. During our last 3 break ups, he gets back with his daughters' mother within a month later. They last for several months to a year or so. Every time they break up though, he gets back with me within a week to a month later. During the last few times we dated, we last about 5 months now. We have stopped emailing each other 3 months ago because we couldn't stop arguing over past relationships. That makes me think he still loves me, although he is with her. I don't know how to make it out for our son. I could use some advice please!
In my opinion, you should get out of this on and off relationship and move on. You and your son will have a much more stable and healthy life with him out of the picture.
In my opinion, you should get out of this on and off relationship and move on. You and your son will have a much more stable and healthy life with him out of the picture.
Hi
I broke up with my ex about 5 weeks ago. We were in a serious relationship for about 11years. After we broke up, he found a girl and proposed to her with rings. Ever since then, I have been pestering him by call and texts for two weeks. I even went to his house and waited for him. But he chased me off. I hitted his limit and he created new Facebook account and added his family and relatives only. Could you please advise what should I do next in order to get him back?
Follow the 5 step plan. Do NC for at least 3 months.
Follow the 5 step plan. Do NC for at least 3 months.
Hi Kevin,
I sent a long comment that I accidentally sent. So, I will make this brief. Will be traveling soon. So, i want to get this out of the way. Anyway, i broke up with a wonderful, and awesome guy about 5 months ago. At the time, I was stressed about helping family so i got a better job. So, I broke up with him one night bc of the stress and I didn't realize I had PMS!! He started seeing someone else right away. I encouraged it because we have a big age difference. then he proposed to her only 2 months after we broke up. Even a month after we made love for the last time. This proposal came out of nowhere. it was like a punch in the face. Everyone was shocked. I saw comments on his Instagram (bc he insisted i re-follow him) of people being shocked.
Anyway, after months of texting back and forth, of him mostly blaming me for ruining something beautiful, but also wanting me to accept and be happy for him. But yet, whenever I would want to defend myself, he really didn't want to hear it. So, at some point I called a face to face, where I tried fighting for us one last time- presented him with the timeline leading up to proposal- how could he propose after 2 months- and he had dedicated a lana del rey song to me just the other day- a song that made me want to just die- so we agreed to no more sad texts- But apparently it didnt stop because again I needed to have another convo with him to get my point across. showed up at his house randomly. He said we would talk later. Later, while i was at therapy, he called me and told me he his girl found out that I wanted to see him and that she was upset (she didnt know anything!) He said you are either gonna be my friend or nothing at all!!
But later that night he retracted it all and said he wanted me to continue to keep in contact, and we had a great neutral conversation where he finally gave me closure. It was great. Except for the part where he said "maybe some day i'll be back, but for now just be happy for me." and I had graciously said I would be happy. Then i said i will give him space. but he said "no, i don't need space," I want to keep texting and talking to you.
So, anyway, he keeps me in limbo. We do NC for two weeks at most, for now. I am trying to move on with the help of a therapist and trying to get back to the old me. I've tried to see other people, but i work nights. Its been very hard. He may never come back at all, but he still inspires me (in spirit) to better myself. He's always encouraged me to follow my dreams and be the best that I can be. He would never be re-attracted to a pathetic person. So, i am gonna work on being the 2.0 version of me, and be happy again.
So, what is your opinion? A guy I know told me that age eventually matters. However, he said if you were "In LOVE" then I should have never let it go. He meant the world to me, but I took him for granted. I made a huge mistake in a moment of stress, and now I am full of regret.
Hey Gina,
I think you have a chance. It's good that you are doing NC and improving yourself. You should get back in touch once you feel you have become the 2.0 version of yourself. Give it one last try. However, don't make it obvious that you want to get back together. Just get back in touch and let it be his idea to get back together.
Hi Kevin,
Just giving you an update . So, around the end of 30 day NC, he was the one who contacted me. He texted me then left a voicemail. He said he needed 'advice' about something. A few days later, while still debating on calling him, he texted me again, emphasizing that he has contacted me twice. So, I replied back finally. He asked me for this advice, then mentioned that he heard I took a trip, and he seemed impressed by that and other things. Then, I ran into him at a 4th of July event. He saw me from a distance, and made the effort to not only wave, but to come up to me. He must have left the fiancée with his family because before that I saw them walking around at least three times. And they did not even hold hands. In another conversation recently, he asked if I was seeing anyone. Anyway, let me get to the point. He texted me to meet up with him the other night because he needed someone to talk to. We talked about the stress that he is still under, and seemed like he is tired of dealing with it. And after we spoke about that, he flirted with me and he even held my hand, examining it.. He said he is still attracted to me and still would be for a long time. The next day he told me he spent the night on the beach and cleared his head. He said even though he missed me, we should never go backwards. He doesn't want us to cause each other to hurt. Anyway, as of two days ago, I texted him for something. He replied back that he is no longer engaged, and that he is gonna leave the country soon for time alone. And to be 'patient with him.' I was shocked. The rebound relationship finally unravelled!! You were right. I am looking forward to him coming back already, but I am afraid he will do something impulsive again. Any suggestions. My BFF suggests being aggressive about it, but I rather follow your advice from last message and let it be his idea. I don't want to be pushy if he honestly does not want to get back. But I know the cause of his unhappiness is us Not being together. Now the obstacle is gone.
Don't be aggressive. He needs some time alone. Let him have it. Use this time to improve yourself even more and become more confident. If I have to guess, he will be making all the moves and all you will have to do is play it cool and don't be needy. All the best.
Thanks Kevin! He definitely needs the time alone. Meanwhile, I will keep working on my current goals and changes. I will keep calm and keep myself distracted. Thank you for the great advice!
Thanks Kevin! He definitely needs the time alone. Meanwhile, I will keep working on my current goals and changes. I will keep calm and keep myself distracted. Thank you for the great advice!
Thanks Kevin! He definitely needs the time alone. Meanwhile, I will keep working on my current goals and changes. I will keep calm and keep myself distracted. Thank you for the great advice!
Thanks Kevin! He definitely needs the time alone. Meanwhile, I will keep working on my current goals and changes. I will keep calm and keep myself distracted. Thank you for the great advice!
Thanks Kevin! He definitely needs the time alone. Meanwhile, I will keep working on my current goals and changes. I will keep calm and keep myself distracted. Thank you for the great advice!
Don't be aggressive. He needs some time alone. Let him have it. Use this time to improve yourself even more and become more confident. If I have to guess, he will be making all the moves and all you will have to do is play it cool and don't be needy. All the best.
Don't be aggressive. He needs some time alone. Let him have it. Use this time to improve yourself even more and become more confident. If I have to guess, he will be making all the moves and all you will have to do is play it cool and don't be needy. All the best.
Don't be aggressive. He needs some time alone. Let him have it. Use this time to improve yourself even more and become more confident. If I have to guess, he will be making all the moves and all you will have to do is play it cool and don't be needy. All the best.
Hi Kevin,
Just giving you an update . So, around the end of 30 day NC, he was the one who contacted me. He texted me then left a voicemail. He said he needed 'advice' about something. A few days later, while still debating on calling him, he texted me again, emphasizing that he has contacted me twice. So, I replied back finally. He asked me for this advice, then mentioned that he heard I took a trip, and he seemed impressed by that and other things. Then, I ran into him at a 4th of July event. He saw me from a distance, and made the effort to not only wave, but to come up to me. He must have left the fiancée with his family because before that I saw them walking around at least three times. And they did not even hold hands. In another conversation recently, he asked if I was seeing anyone. Anyway, let me get to the point. He texted me to meet up with him the other night because he needed someone to talk to. We talked about the stress that he is still under, and seemed like he is tired of dealing with it. And after we spoke about that, he flirted with me and he even held my hand, examining it.. He said he is still attracted to me and still would be for a long time. The next day he told me he spent the night on the beach and cleared his head. He said even though he missed me, we should never go backwards. He doesn't want us to cause each other to hurt. Anyway, as of two days ago, I texted him for something. He replied back that he is no longer engaged, and that he is gonna leave the country soon for time alone. And to be 'patient with him.' I was shocked. The rebound relationship finally unravelled!! You were right. I am looking forward to him coming back already, but I am afraid he will do something impulsive again. Any suggestions. My BFF suggests being aggressive about it, but I rather follow your advice from last message and let it be his idea. I don't want to be pushy if he honestly does not want to get back. But I know the cause of his unhappiness is us Not being together. Now the obstacle is gone.
Hi Kevin,
Just giving you an update . So, around the end of 30 day NC, he was the one who contacted me. He texted me then left a voicemail. He said he needed 'advice' about something. A few days later, while still debating on calling him, he texted me again, emphasizing that he has contacted me twice. So, I replied back finally. He asked me for this advice, then mentioned that he heard I took a trip, and he seemed impressed by that and other things. Then, I ran into him at a 4th of July event. He saw me from a distance, and made the effort to not only wave, but to come up to me. He must have left the fiancée with his family because before that I saw them walking around at least three times. And they did not even hold hands. In another conversation recently, he asked if I was seeing anyone. Anyway, let me get to the point. He texted me to meet up with him the other night because he needed someone to talk to. We talked about the stress that he is still under, and seemed like he is tired of dealing with it. And after we spoke about that, he flirted with me and he even held my hand, examining it.. He said he is still attracted to me and still would be for a long time. The next day he told me he spent the night on the beach and cleared his head. He said even though he missed me, we should never go backwards. He doesn't want us to cause each other to hurt. Anyway, as of two days ago, I texted him for something. He replied back that he is no longer engaged, and that he is gonna leave the country soon for time alone. And to be 'patient with him.' I was shocked. The rebound relationship finally unravelled!! You were right. I am looking forward to him coming back already, but I am afraid he will do something impulsive again. Any suggestions. My BFF suggests being aggressive about it, but I rather follow your advice from last message and let it be his idea. I don't want to be pushy if he honestly does not want to get back. But I know the cause of his unhappiness is us Not being together. Now the obstacle is gone.
Hey Gina,
I think you have a chance. It's good that you are doing NC and improving yourself. You should get back in touch once you feel you have become the 2.0 version of yourself. Give it one last try. However, don't make it obvious that you want to get back together. Just get back in touch and let it be his idea to get back together.
Broke up with my ex about 6 weeks ago, had no contact for 2 weeks now.. I know in 2 months from now we're probably both going to be invited to a mutual friend's birthday party. I know thats more than 30 days away but I think I might need a bit more time to recover from the breakup.. Is the birthday party a good opportunity to get the first contact again, and how should I approach him in that kind of situation? Or should I start texting him before the party?
Start texting him before the party. If he is warm, then hang out with him at the party and have a good time with him. If he's cold, then treat him like an acquaintance at the party.
Start texting him before the party. If he is warm, then hang out with him at the party and have a good time with him. If he's cold, then treat him like an acquaintance at the party.
Hi all, I’m truly puzzled, please help me understand the difference between the two: 1) at #1 Deadly mistake Kevin puts an example: “Even the calls that might seem casual to you, look desperate and needy to your ex, e.g. – Hey, just calling to see how you’re doing. Translation: I’m miserable without you, please come back. ”
Here is my problem. I’ve been in absolute NC for 2 months (being all needy and pleading prior to that). So how will a letter plus a text saying “Hey, remember the little restaurant where we had our first anniversary date? I just crossed it and it looks like they are closing down. It’s a shame because we had such a great time that day.” (just quoting random example) sound any different to my ex, other then – oh, she is contacting me again. She must be missing me and desperate to get bk together. I’m only asking this because after 2 months I want to initiate contact, but am not sure how to avoid leaving the above mentioned impression.
Because of the no contact. By doing NC, you've shown already that you are not needy and you are willing to let him go. And the template that I mention in the article is not an empty message like the ones people usually send after a breakup when they have no idea what to say and only want to hear their exes voice.
Because of the no contact. By doing NC, you've shown already that you are not needy and you are willing to let him go. And the template that I mention in the article is not an empty message like the ones people usually send after a breakup when they have no idea what to say and only want to hear their exes voice.
Hey, some advice would be helpful.
My wife and I have recently separated and we have 2 teenagers. She works out of town for two weeks then home for a week then gone again. We live together when she is home and was wondering if you have some insite into how to do this no contact when she returns considering we have kids and live in the same house. Its not a problem when she is gone but when she returns is my issue
Hey Dave,
I've written about both the situations in the article above you.
Hey Dave,
I've written about both the situations in the article above you.
So I met up yesterday with my ex for lunch. I looked hot, was positive, happy, etc. and everything went well, I think. Then later in the day I sent him a text message to say thanks for lunch (he paid and said I could get it next time) and that it was nice to reconnect and be able to hang out. I got one back the next morning and it had the word "friend" in it. How do I avoid being totally friend zoned as we start to hang out again?
Don't worry about being friendzoned unless he starts talking about his other romantic interests with you.
Some context is that he broke up with me because the spark had faded a few months before. Not sure if I have a chance if that is the case..
Don't worry about being friendzoned unless he starts talking about his other romantic interests with you.
Some context is that he broke up with me because the spark had faded a few months before. Not sure if I have a chance if that is the case..
Please help me... I found some of ex's clothes is my room. We have talked in about 3-4 months and I sent her a message saying I had some of her clothes. We agreed upon a place to meet. What should I do now..? I'm comopletley lost.. Please help!!
Give her the clothes. Be confident and if you haven't done NC till now, end the meeting asap and start NC. If you are done with NC and are confident, then talk to her and try to have a good time with her.
So I was recently cleaning out my room (moving out of home) and I found some of my ex's clothes, I sent her a text saying that I found them, and we agreed to meet at her house. I went over, and I apologized for everything because I didn't wanna be on bad teems anymore. I didn't contact her for about 3+ months when I texted her about the clothes. Anyways, I didn't want us to be on bad terms so I gave her a hug and all that and then I asked her if she hated me. Her reaponse was " I dont have a reason to hate you, we had some really good times together and I'll never forget them" and then hugged it out and I left.
I do want her back.. But she told her friend who told me that she isn't think I'm hot anymore, nor is she interested in me anymore.. She is the perfect girl.. Is their still anyway that I can win her back..? Please help..
I sent her a text after this to see how she doing, and I haven't gotten a response for 2 days now, does it mean she's ignoring me on purpose? Or is she done with me.?
So I was recently cleaning out my room (moving out of home) and I found some of my ex's clothes, I sent her a text saying that I found them, and we agreed to meet at her house. I went over, and I apologized for everything because I didn't wanna be on bad teems anymore. I didn't contact her for about 3+ months when I texted her about the clothes. Anyways, I didn't want us to be on bad terms so I gave her a hug and all that and then I asked her if she hated me. Her reaponse was " I dont have a reason to hate you, we had some really good times together and I'll never forget them" and then hugged it out and I left.
I do want her back.. But she told her friend who told me that she isn't think I'm hot anymore, nor is she interested in me anymore.. She is the perfect girl.. Is their still anyway that I can win her back..? Please help..
I sent her a text after this to see how she doing, and I haven't gotten a response for 2 days now, does it mean she's ignoring me on purpose? Or is she done with me.?
So I was recently cleaning out my room (moving out of home) and I found some of my ex's clothes, I sent her a text saying that I found them, and we agreed to meet at her house. I went over, and I apologized for everything because I didn't wanna be on bad teems anymore. I didn't contact her for about 3+ months when I texted her about the clothes. Anyways, I didn't want us to be on bad terms so I gave her a hug and all that and then I asked her if she hated me. Her reaponse was " I dont have a reason to hate you, we had some really good times together and I'll never forget them" and then hugged it out and I left.
I do want her back.. But she told her friend who told me that she isn't think I'm hot anymore, nor is she interested in me anymore.. She is the perfect girl.. Is their still anyway that I can win her back..? Please help..
I sent her a text after this to see how she doing, and I haven't gotten a response for 2 days now, does it mean she's ignoring me on purpose? Or is she done with me.?
Give her the clothes. Be confident and if you haven't done NC till now, end the meeting asap and start NC. If you are done with NC and are confident, then talk to her and try to have a good time with her.
Hi Kevin,
You told me a while back to take 2-3 months of no contact and I have done just that and I'm not sure if it's true or not but now his Facebook says he's in a relationship. Should I just continue not to talk to him? It's been two months now and I still love him and want to be with him but I respect if he's with someone id be out of line to try and come between them because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. His birthday is a few months (sept to be exact, more so towards the end) would it he okay if I told him happy birthday? I feel saying anything right now will make him think that I'm jealous and trying to get his attention
Leilani,
I don't see any harm in contacting him even if he's in a relationship. If he's serious about his relationship, he won't respond. If he's not serious and it's a rebound, then it's going to end anyways regardless of you contacting him.
It's OK to wish him happy birthday.
How long can a rebound relationship last?
It can last upto six months, sometimes, even a year. If it lasts more than a year, then it's no longer a rebound.
Sorry it was so long
It's hard to determine if it's a real relationship or a rebound we got into an argument in February and talked until the beginning of April when things really spiraled downhill and in spite of me telling him that I loved him and was sorry he told me about all the girls that like and want him and that they vibed together better than me and him ever did and after I asked if he ever really loved me he told me no. The relationship itself was posted on FB over the weekend (no name) and he does seem extremely positive with his outlook on life now but idk if it's real or a front. I worry because of the things he said and feeling like I felt it all alone but I question why even tried to be with me in the first place why'd he stick it out for two years and then just disappear, he even told me in February that he would be sticking around and I asked if he really wanted to and he said he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to and then he got mad about what I said and now a relationship. Could it be because he can see her as often as he'd like and I have a child that prevents me from being available 24/7
Saying "thank you" wouldn't be a big deal right? Should I say you're welcome after or leave it at the thank you? If he contacts after that then I should consider that he's interested otherwise move on?
I haven't said anything to him since the beginning of April and I knew that it was a risk but I didn't think he would start a new relationship.
Only reason I'm concerned is because I think I'm in love with him and I know parts will cross if meant but because I use to have the gut feeling that he would come back when he thought things were okay and seeing now that he's in a relationship I'm scared of being alone and that the gut feeling was actually just me giving myself false hope.
Sorry it was so long
It's hard to determine if it's a real relationship or a rebound we got into an argument in February and talked until the beginning of April when things really spiraled downhill and in spite of me telling him that I loved him and was sorry he told me about all the girls that like and want him and that they vibed together better than me and him ever did and after I asked if he ever really loved me he told me no. The relationship itself was posted on FB over the weekend (no name) and he does seem extremely positive with his outlook on life now but idk if it's real or a front. I worry because of the things he said and feeling like I felt it all alone but I question why even tried to be with me in the first place why'd he stick it out for two years and then just disappear, he even told me in February that he would be sticking around and I asked if he really wanted to and he said he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to and then he got mad about what I said and now a relationship. Could it be because he can see her as often as he'd like and I have a child that prevents me from being available 24/7
Saying "thank you" wouldn't be a big deal right? Should I say you're welcome after or leave it at the thank you? If he contacts after that then I should consider that he's interested otherwise move on?
I haven't said anything to him since the beginning of April and I knew that it was a risk but I didn't think he would start a new relationship.
Only reason I'm concerned is because I think I'm in love with him and I know parts will cross if meant but because I use to have the gut feeling that he would come back when he thought things were okay and seeing now that he's in a relationship I'm scared of being alone and that the gut feeling was actually just me giving myself false hope.
Sorry it was so long
It's hard to determine if it's a real relationship or a rebound we got into an argument in February and talked until the beginning of April when things really spiraled downhill and in spite of me telling him that I loved him and was sorry he told me about all the girls that like and want him and that they vibed together better than me and him ever did and after I asked if he ever really loved me he told me no. The relationship itself was posted on FB over the weekend (no name) and he does seem extremely positive with his outlook on life now but idk if it's real or a front. I worry because of the things he said and feeling like I felt it all alone but I question why even tried to be with me in the first place why'd he stick it out for two years and then just disappear, he even told me in February that he would be sticking around and I asked if he really wanted to and he said he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to and then he got mad about what I said and now a relationship. Could it be because he can see her as often as he'd like and I have a child that prevents me from being available 24/7
Saying "thank you" wouldn't be a big deal right? Should I say you're welcome after or leave it at the thank you? If he contacts after that then I should consider that he's interested otherwise move on?
I haven't said anything to him since the beginning of April and I knew that it was a risk but I didn't think he would start a new relationship.
Only reason I'm concerned is because I think I'm in love with him and I know parts will cross if meant but because I use to have the gut feeling that he would come back when he thought things were okay and seeing now that he's in a relationship I'm scared of being alone and that the gut feeling was actually just me giving myself false hope.
Sorry it was so long
It's hard to determine if it's a real relationship or a rebound we got into an argument in February and talked until the beginning of April when things really spiraled downhill and in spite of me telling him that I loved him and was sorry he told me about all the girls that like and want him and that they vibed together better than me and him ever did and after I asked if he ever really loved me he told me no. The relationship itself was posted on FB over the weekend (no name) and he does seem extremely positive with his outlook on life now but idk if it's real or a front. I worry because of the things he said and feeling like I felt it all alone but I question why even tried to be with me in the first place why'd he stick it out for two years and then just disappear, he even told me in February that he would be sticking around and I asked if he really wanted to and he said he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to and then he got mad about what I said and now a relationship. Could it be because he can see her as often as he'd like and I have a child that prevents me from being available 24/7
Saying "thank you" wouldn't be a big deal right? Should I say you're welcome after or leave it at the thank you? If he contacts after that then I should consider that he's interested otherwise move on?
I haven't said anything to him since the beginning of April and I knew that it was a risk but I didn't think he would start a new relationship.
Only reason I'm concerned is because I think I'm in love with him and I know parts will cross if meant but because I use to have the gut feeling that he would come back when he thought things were okay and seeing now that he's in a relationship I'm scared of being alone and that the gut feeling was actually just me giving myself false hope.
Sorry it was so long
It's hard to determine if it's a real relationship or a rebound we got into an argument in February and talked until the beginning of April when things really spiraled downhill and in spite of me telling him that I loved him and was sorry he told me about all the girls that like and want him and that they vibed together better than me and him ever did and after I asked if he ever really loved me he told me no. The relationship itself was posted on FB over the weekend (no name) and he does seem extremely positive with his outlook on life now but idk if it's real or a front. I worry because of the things he said and feeling like I felt it all alone but I question why even tried to be with me in the first place why'd he stick it out for two years and then just disappear, he even told me in February that he would be sticking around and I asked if he really wanted to and he said he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to and then he got mad about what I said and now a relationship. Could it be because he can see her as often as he'd like and I have a child that prevents me from being available 24/7
Saying "thank you" wouldn't be a big deal right? Should I say you're welcome after or leave it at the thank you? If he contacts after that then I should consider that he's interested otherwise move on?
I haven't said anything to him since the beginning of April and I knew that it was a risk but I didn't think he would start a new relationship.
Only reason I'm concerned is because I think I'm in love with him and I know parts will cross if meant but because I use to have the gut feeling that he would come back when he thought things were okay and seeing now that he's in a relationship I'm scared of being alone and that the gut feeling was actually just me giving myself false hope.
It can last upto six months, sometimes, even a year. If it lasts more than a year, then it's no longer a rebound.
It can last upto six months, sometimes, even a year. If it lasts more than a year, then it's no longer a rebound.
It can last upto six months, sometimes, even a year. If it lasts more than a year, then it's no longer a rebound.
How long can a rebound relationship last?
How long can a rebound relationship last?
Leilani,
I don't see any harm in contacting him even if he's in a relationship. If he's serious about his relationship, he won't respond. If he's not serious and it's a rebound, then it's going to end anyways regardless of you contacting him.
It's OK to wish him happy birthday.
Hey Kevin:
So at the mutual friend's wedding I saw her for the first time since the breakup. We talked in a group at the reception and she responded to the things I said and laughed when I told a funny story or whatever. I asked her a few questions about herself and she asked a few about me when we talked one-on-one. I thought it was going ok, so I asked her to dance. She said "no, I don't think I want to". Later I asked her if she was sure she didn't want to dance, just for fun and she said "yeah I'm sure". When we danced in a big group she made sure she wasn't right next to me at all. At the after party she didn't really talk to me and seemed to avoid me completely. I sent her a text this morning saying that I hope it was alright to ask her to dance, and I just thought it would be a fun way to break the ice. I'm glad we all had fun anyway! And she didn't respond, but I know that she's awake. Is this a bad sign? I really don't want to give up on her. It just seems like she is trying to convince herself that there's nothing there between us anymore. How do I reverse that?
Nevermind, she responded but I know that she had read my message several hours before she ended up responding. She said it was alright that I asked but that she thought it wasn't a good idea. But she also said yeah last night was a lot of fun! So anyway, I'm worried that I've made my intentions pretty clear with her. But she probably thinks that my intentions are just to get back with her, when really I just want to show her that I've changed and am more enjoyable to be around. What do you think I should do? Should I respond to her message and try to make that clear, or should I just drop the subject that I asked her to dance, or should I not respond at all?
Don't respond. Do a week NC and text her.
Don't respond. Do a week NC and text her.
Don't respond. Do a week NC and text her.
Nevermind, she responded but I know that she had read my message several hours before she ended up responding. She said it was alright that I asked but that she thought it wasn't a good idea. But she also said yeah last night was a lot of fun! So anyway, I'm worried that I've made my intentions pretty clear with her. But she probably thinks that my intentions are just to get back with her, when really I just want to show her that I've changed and am more enjoyable to be around. What do you think I should do? Should I respond to her message and try to make that clear, or should I just drop the subject that I asked her to dance, or should I not respond at all?
Hi Kevin, I commented last Sunday. My ex and I were on and off for 18 months. He said he wasn't ready for commitment and we'd both been badly hurt. He now has a gf of about one month who has a an 11mth old child with someone else. I had a engagement BBQ to go to. You told me to not talk to him for more than five mins at a time and be positive/happy, that you thought she may be a rebound and I stood a decent chance. So I did what you said. There were only 8 of us there in total and he didn't bring her along. Throughout the day/ evening I found that he would always be sitting next to me or near me. If I got up out my seat he'd quickly sit in it. I was sat on the floor in the living room and he made a point of knocking me and then resting his feet right by my arm so we were just touching. I pretended like I didn't notice. Then when all in one room together he text me saying "hi". I didn't reply. 4 of us including him shared a taxi home as we live in the same areas. He broadcasted that he wanted to get dropped off at his gf as he was "getting lucky". I made no response. I was the first drop off point. He text me and I asked him to delete my number as I didn't think it was fair on anyone. He said "no don't delete my number we are friends". I ignored it. I heard from him briefly earlier but I said I was off out on a date and to have a good day - he didn't respond. Have I ruined things? I'm devastated he stayed at hers last night. I'm unsure if I can get him back. Do I start 30 days again?
Thanks for replying so quickly kevin. Can you explain your thoughts on his actions? The always being near me, texting me whilst we were in the same room but then going back to hers...do I still stand a decent chance?
Trying to get a reaction out of you. Testing whether you still have feelings for him. And trying to make you jealous. Yes, you do have a decent chance.
Just to add when he contacted me today I said it wasn't fair on his gf to be texting me, that I was happy for him and to take care. Was that wrong?
If you are still in no contact, then it wasn't wrong.
If you are still in no contact, then it wasn't wrong.
If you are still in no contact, then it wasn't wrong.
If you are still in no contact, then it wasn't wrong.
Trying to get a reaction out of you. Testing whether you still have feelings for him. And trying to make you jealous. Yes, you do have a decent chance.
Just to add when he contacted me today I said it wasn't fair on his gf to be texting me, that I was happy for him and to take care. Was that wrong?
Trying to get a reaction out of you. Testing whether you still have feelings for him. And trying to make you jealous. Yes, you do have a decent chance.
Just to add when he contacted me today I said it wasn't fair on his gf to be texting me, that I was happy for him and to take care. Was that wrong?
You did great. However, telling him you were on a date was a bad idea since it was pretty obvious that you said it to get back at him. But I think it would've still made him jealous. You don't need to restart NC.
Thanks for replying so quickly kevin. Can you explain your thoughts on his actions? The always being near me, texting me whilst we were in the same room but then going back to hers...do I still stand a decent chance?
You did great. However, telling him you were on a date was a bad idea since it was pretty obvious that you said it to get back at him. But I think it would've still made him jealous. You don't need to restart NC.
Kevin,
thanks man. You are really a great help. I also think the same, that maybe i acted too early but i didnt make any follow up texts. She is so eager to be independent and prove to herself that she is fine alone. Im kinda worries about thia because it may take a lot of time before he opens up to me again. I need to prove to her that i dont want her anymore that im over her and im not needy. and that all i want is friendship.
Its been a month that my ex said he didnt think he was ready for a relationship..
when I asked him if he wanted to start over see where it goes or if hes just not interested he didnt answer me. Just yesterday, a month after, he texts me and says he wants to see me, I reply why and he didnt answer since yesterday....
What does that mean??
I am so confused and I wanna understand.
It could mean a lot of things. The only way to find out is to meet him. However, if you've not done NC till now, I suggest you tell him you need some space and time right now and do NC before meeting him.
I didn't do the non contact thing...
I just didnt write him back cause he didnt answer and I didnt wanna seem needy but at the same time I wanna know what is happening in his head but its his job to answer me and tell me...
he answered me back tonight saying that he doesnt know... he misses my kisses..
then i told him thati think he doesnt know what he wants and he said he doesnt know.
after he asked me if i wanted to hangout and i said i can't...
he answered me back tonight saying that he doesnt know... he misses my kisses..
then i told him thati think he doesnt know what he wants and he said he doesnt know.
after he asked me if i wanted to hangout and i said i can't...
he answered me back tonight saying that he doesnt know... he misses my kisses..
then i told him thati think he doesnt know what he wants and he said he doesnt know.
after he asked me if i wanted to hangout and i said i can't...
he answered me back tonight saying that he doesnt know... he misses my kisses..
then i told him thati think he doesnt know what he wants and he said he doesnt know.
after he asked me if i wanted to hangout and i said i can't...
I didn't do the non contact thing...
I just didnt write him back cause he didnt answer and I didnt wanna seem needy but at the same time I wanna know what is happening in his head but its his job to answer me and tell me...
I didn't do the non contact thing...
I just didnt write him back cause he didnt answer and I didnt wanna seem needy but at the same time I wanna know what is happening in his head but its his job to answer me and tell me...
It could mean a lot of things. The only way to find out is to meet him. However, if you've not done NC till now, I suggest you tell him you need some space and time right now and do NC before meeting him.
Hey Kevin, I've been written here, but I need your advice again
I will try to be as short as possible
My relationship with this guy has never been defined, we saw each other four months, everything was great, but he was quite hesitant, he did not want a relationship, he hurt me, because at the end he said that we should be just friends..
we were very close and he showed all the signs that wants something more with me
I was broken. He broke the contact because I was too needy (I guess), then I decided to improve myself and I read your articles. I started no contact, and it's been exactly one month, and then he contacted me FIRST on facebook .... I was surprised
(You told me you think that I was probably his rebound .... for me it was hard to believe, but after I have long thought, I think you might be right…)
So after NC,he began to contact me very often, like before ... it’s been 40 days now ,so I was thinking to arrange a meeting…
but last week he started acting strangely,he don’t write me any more, not even respond to a message... just out of kindness-“I'm busy, contacting you later”
It worries me, I try to be cool about it, but I see that he is different
I do not know whether it has to do with an event. It was a concert in my city (he lives in another city), He told me he will come with his friends, and invited me to come ...
This is the kind of music I don’t listen (and he knows it), so I politely said no and told him that we will see another occasion, he took it just fine.
but I've noticed that since then he become cold
Kevin, I do not know what should I do now, I do not want to start a conversation about us through Facebook, we were not on meeting since we first broke up ...
I do not know what to do now, I do not want to lose him, but I'm stuffering ...
I do not know whether I should still wait to see how he will behave, or should I contact him at all .... or should I try to arrange a meeting as soon as possible? I really don’t know…please help
Hey Martina,
I am sorry to say this but in my opinion, he as just looking to hook up with you while he was in town and now that you've declined him, he is cold again. He probably had no intentions of starting a relationship with you and was just testing if you were available for hooking up. In my opinion, you should cut all contact with him and don't reply to him anymore.
I see now that he blocked me on chat on facebook so that i cant see him anymore
However, i think you have right ,thank you very much
I think i need to remove him from my life,for my own good :(, i sufferd too much
thank you for everything Kevin
I see now that he blocked me on chat on facebook so that i cant see him anymore
However, i think you have right ,thank you very much
I think i need to remove him from my life,for my own good :(, i sufferd too much
thank you for everything Kevin
I see now that he blocked me on chat on facebook so that i cant see him anymore
However, i think you have right ,thank you very much
I think i need to remove him from my life,for my own good :(, i sufferd too much
thank you for everything Kevin
Hey Martina,
I am sorry to say this but in my opinion, he as just looking to hook up with you while he was in town and now that you've declined him, he is cold again. He probably had no intentions of starting a relationship with you and was just testing if you were available for hooking up. In my opinion, you should cut all contact with him and don't reply to him anymore.
I just finished my 30 days of no contact the other day so yesterday was my first contact text. I started off by saying 'I have a confession to make'...to make him interested in what I was going to say. He replied 'what's that'? And from there I waited a whole hour before texting him back in which I said 'I was cleaning out my room and found my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey with a Huron Shores motel business card in it. It made me think of when you gave it to me after I picked you up from the boat. It actually made me smile'. Then he replied a couple hours later 'there are some good memories no doubt about it'....I waited 20mins before telling him I was meeting up with some friends and that I would talk to him later.
He bought the book as a gift for me and the motel we stayed at was nothing but an intimate and fun time for us. We hadn't seen each other for three months so it was nothing but a postive memory.
What should be my next choice of action? Do you think that went well?
Yes, it did. Wait a couple of days and text again.
Anyone is welcome to comment. I sent another text after waiting a couple days and I wrote asking if he remembered when we were both sick on my birthday and how we just laid in our living room all day watching episodes of our favorite show and then I told him some news I heard regarding the show. He hasn't responded to my text at all.
I think there might have been a little too much emotion in that text message and he could be picking up on what I'm doing. Or he could be busy and that's why he's not responding? I feel like I goofed my progress up! Any thoughts on what I should do? Go into NC for a little bit could be a good idea?
Hey Rina,
I think you did a great job the first time! For now you may apply NC for a week or two. Next time try to convince for a short meeting like coffee. This is all I can say for now! You can even wait until Kevin is back! What I have learnt here is that there is no harm in NC!
Good luck Rina!!
Dara,
We sent a few texts back and forth just yesterday and it seemed to go well! My instincts are telling everything is going to work out! I'll text him tomorrow and try and make some conversation. We've talked about a couple positive memories and I think doing NC with him has helped to get rid of most of those negative feelings!
He's not one to initiate conversations other than yesterday he asked if my car was going to be alright because I posted a Facebook status saying I had the worst luck with them and just laughed at myself! So that was thoughtful of him to check in on me. I think this will work out!
Hey Rina,
Glad to hear that! So you are doing great!! Give him the space he wants. My personal suggestion is that you can even act like you also need more space and time.
About texts, go cold if he is cold and act warm if he is warm. Don't be too available. Time gap should be more or less same as his in sending texts.
LOL I used to bombard my ex girlfriend with text messages and now I am commenting you!! Good luck Rina!! Hope to hear good news from you!!
Thank you for your reply! He ended up texting me and we chatted for a bit.
He just asked for space when we broke up and were in kind of a in a long distance relationship. Meaning he leaves for work for a couple months at a time and then comes back. So I need to build up our conversation a bit more before asking to visit him. I just want to respect his need for space and don't want to rush anything. So, how long should I be waiting in between texting him and how can I build up that reattraction? Thank you!
Dara,
We sent a few texts back and forth just yesterday and it seemed to go well! My instincts are telling everything is going to work out! I'll text him tomorrow and try and make some conversation. We've talked about a couple positive memories and I think doing NC with him has helped to get rid of most of those negative feelings!
He's not one to initiate conversations other than yesterday he asked if my car was going to be alright because I posted a Facebook status saying I had the worst luck with them and just laughed at myself! So that was thoughtful of him to check in on me. I think this will work out!
Hey Rina,
Glad to hear that! So you are doing great!! Give him the space he wants. My personal suggestion is that you can even act like you also need more space and time.
About texts, go cold if he is cold and act warm if he is warm. Don't be too available. Time gap should be more or less same as his in sending texts.
LOL I used to bombard my ex girlfriend with text messages and now I am commenting you!! Good luck Rina!! Hope to hear good news from you!!
Thank you for your reply! He ended up texting me and we chatted for a bit.
He just asked for space when we broke up and were in kind of a in a long distance relationship. Meaning he leaves for work for a couple months at a time and then comes back. So I need to build up our conversation a bit more before asking to visit him. I just want to respect his need for space and don't want to rush anything. So, how long should I be waiting in between texting him and how can I build up that reattraction? Thank you!
Dara,
We sent a few texts back and forth just yesterday and it seemed to go well! My instincts are telling everything is going to work out! I'll text him tomorrow and try and make some conversation. We've talked about a couple positive memories and I think doing NC with him has helped to get rid of most of those negative feelings!
He's not one to initiate conversations other than yesterday he asked if my car was going to be alright because I posted a Facebook status saying I had the worst luck with them and just laughed at myself! So that was thoughtful of him to check in on me. I think this will work out!
Hey Rina,
Glad to hear that! So you are doing great!! Give him the space he wants. My personal suggestion is that you can even act like you also need more space and time.
About texts, go cold if he is cold and act warm if he is warm. Don't be too available. Time gap should be more or less same as his in sending texts.
LOL I used to bombard my ex girlfriend with text messages and now I am commenting you!! Good luck Rina!! Hope to hear good news from you!!
Thank you for your reply! He ended up texting me and we chatted for a bit.
He just asked for space when we broke up and were in kind of a in a long distance relationship. Meaning he leaves for work for a couple months at a time and then comes back. So I need to build up our conversation a bit more before asking to visit him. I just want to respect his need for space and don't want to rush anything. So, how long should I be waiting in between texting him and how can I build up that reattraction? Thank you!
Dara,
We sent a few texts back and forth just yesterday and it seemed to go well! My instincts are telling everything is going to work out! I'll text him tomorrow and try and make some conversation. We've talked about a couple positive memories and I think doing NC with him has helped to get rid of most of those negative feelings!
He's not one to initiate conversations other than yesterday he asked if my car was going to be alright because I posted a Facebook status saying I had the worst luck with them and just laughed at myself! So that was thoughtful of him to check in on me. I think this will work out!
Hey Rina,
Glad to hear that! So you are doing great!! Give him the space he wants. My personal suggestion is that you can even act like you also need more space and time.
About texts, go cold if he is cold and act warm if he is warm. Don't be too available. Time gap should be more or less same as his in sending texts.
LOL I used to bombard my ex girlfriend with text messages and now I am commenting you!! Good luck Rina!! Hope to hear good news from you!!
Thank you for your reply! He ended up texting me and we chatted for a bit.
He just asked for space when we broke up and were in kind of a in a long distance relationship. Meaning he leaves for work for a couple months at a time and then comes back. So I need to build up our conversation a bit more before asking to visit him. I just want to respect his need for space and don't want to rush anything. So, how long should I be waiting in between texting him and how can I build up that reattraction? Thank you!
Dara,
We sent a few texts back and forth just yesterday and it seemed to go well! My instincts are telling everything is going to work out! I'll text him tomorrow and try and make some conversation. We've talked about a couple positive memories and I think doing NC with him has helped to get rid of most of those negative feelings!
He's not one to initiate conversations other than yesterday he asked if my car was going to be alright because I posted a Facebook status saying I had the worst luck with them and just laughed at myself! So that was thoughtful of him to check in on me. I think this will work out!
Hey Rina,
Glad to hear that! So you are doing great!! Give him the space he wants. My personal suggestion is that you can even act like you also need more space and time.
About texts, go cold if he is cold and act warm if he is warm. Don't be too available. Time gap should be more or less same as his in sending texts.
LOL I used to bombard my ex girlfriend with text messages and now I am commenting you!! Good luck Rina!! Hope to hear good news from you!!
Thank you for your reply! He ended up texting me and we chatted for a bit.
He just asked for space when we broke up and were in kind of a in a long distance relationship. Meaning he leaves for work for a couple months at a time and then comes back. So I need to build up our conversation a bit more before asking to visit him. I just want to respect his need for space and don't want to rush anything. So, how long should I be waiting in between texting him and how can I build up that reattraction? Thank you!
Hey Rina,
I think you did a great job the first time! For now you may apply NC for a week or two. Next time try to convince for a short meeting like coffee. This is all I can say for now! You can even wait until Kevin is back! What I have learnt here is that there is no harm in NC!
Good luck Rina!!
Hey Rina,
I think you did a great job the first time! For now you may apply NC for a week or two. Next time try to convince for a short meeting like coffee. This is all I can say for now! You can even wait until Kevin is back! What I have learnt here is that there is no harm in NC!
Good luck Rina!!
Hey Rina,
I think you did a great job the first time! For now you may apply NC for a week or two. Next time try to convince for a short meeting like coffee. This is all I can say for now! You can even wait until Kevin is back! What I have learnt here is that there is no harm in NC!
Good luck Rina!!
Anyone is welcome to comment. I sent another text after waiting a couple days and I wrote asking if he remembered when we were both sick on my birthday and how we just laid in our living room all day watching episodes of our favorite show and then I told him some news I heard regarding the show. He hasn't responded to my text at all.
I think there might have been a little too much emotion in that text message and he could be picking up on what I'm doing. Or he could be busy and that's why he's not responding? I feel like I goofed my progress up! Any thoughts on what I should do? Go into NC for a little bit could be a good idea?
Anyone is welcome to comment. I sent another text after waiting a couple days and I wrote asking if he remembered when we were both sick on my birthday and how we just laid in our living room all day watching episodes of our favorite show and then I told him some news I heard regarding the show. He hasn't responded to my text at all.
I think there might have been a little too much emotion in that text message and he could be picking up on what I'm doing. Or he could be busy and that's why he's not responding? I feel like I goofed my progress up! Any thoughts on what I should do? Go into NC for a little bit could be a good idea?
Yes, it did. Wait a couple of days and text again.
Hey kevin my gf/fiancee of 3 years broke up with me she said i have done enough to make her not love me anymore but the weird part is she came and got her stuff from me the strange thing is when she saw me she had this look i cant explain. She looked sad but also just depressed and looked as if she missed me she tells me that her heart belongs to another should i belive this and just give up? Should i presue this any further? I have had friends say we saw her and this guy grabing on one anothers thighs. Is this still her rebound relationship or is it her im over you im moveing on relationship?
It's probably a rebound. You should do NC and follow the plan.
It's probably a rebound. You should do NC and follow the plan.
Hi Kevin,
My ex girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago reason why is that she found out I cheated on her in the beginning of our relationship. It was a huge mistake, I was drunk and stuff happened. We went out for about 5 months, and we were pretty serious. We both loved each other. A month after the breakup I find out she's going out with one of my friends, I was pissed but I played it cool. Just up until about a month ago I tried contacting her to see how she was doing. She blew up at me and said she doesn't want to speak to me and that's she's still trying to forget about me. I haven't contacted her since. Now I'm confused, I don't know if I should try contacting her again, or just move on. Do you think there's still a chance. FYI it's been almost 6 months after our breakup. And also we live close to each other so I practically see her almost everyday.
Hey,
If she is angry, that means she still has feelings. However, since it's been 6 months already, I'll recommend you try to move on. You've already wasted six months pursuing her and wasting more time is not a wise idea.
Hey,
If she is angry, that means she still has feelings. However, since it's been 6 months already, I'll recommend you try to move on. You've already wasted six months pursuing her and wasting more time is not a wise idea.
Kevin,
Thankyou for all the help so far. Im not really in a rush to get my ex back. I wantes to have a higher chance to get her back. Would my chances increase if i wait for 2-3 months rather waiting for another month? Thanks in advance.
Good on you, Daniel! I love your attitude and good luck!
Rihanna,
Thanks. I hope i get some positive response from her. I need all the luck on the world.
Daniel, Rihanna,
I am not a religious person but what if we pray for each other as well? We can pray to get our ex back but I think we should pray to Him to help us decide what we should do for the better. Whether want our exes backor just move on. I think we should pray not for them to change their minds but for us to value ourselves more because above all, it is WE, ourselves, that need most of the love we would wnt to give.
Daniel, Rihanna,
I am not a religious person but what if we pray for each other as well? We can pray to get our ex back but I think we should pray to Him to help us decide what we should do for the better. Whether want our exes backor just move on. I think we should pray not for them to change their minds but for us to value ourselves more because above all, it is WE, ourselves, that need most of the love we would wnt to give.
Daniel, Rihanna,
I am not a religious person but what if we pray for each other as well? We can pray to get our ex back but I think we should pray to Him to help us decide what we should do for the better. Whether want our exes backor just move on. I think we should pray not for them to change their minds but for us to value ourselves more because above all, it is WE, ourselves, that need most of the love we would wnt to give.
Daniel, Rihanna,
I am not a religious person but what if we pray for each other as well? We can pray to get our ex back but I think we should pray to Him to help us decide what we should do for the better. Whether want our exes backor just move on. I think we should pray not for them to change their minds but for us to value ourselves more because above all, it is WE, ourselves, that need most of the love we would wnt to give.
Rihanna,
Thanks. I hope i get some positive response from her. I need all the luck on the world.
Rihanna,
Thanks. I hope i get some positive response from her. I need all the luck on the world.
Good on you, Daniel! I love your attitude and good luck!
Dear everyone,
I know Kevin isn't available for the next couple of weeks but I thought we could still support each other during his absence although, it's best to wait for Kevin's advice if we have anything serious to ask.
So, my story today is that I'm almost on the verge of breaking NC after only TWO AND HALF weeks :'( I feel so pathetic and I need someone to slap 'Don't do it Rihanna!' into me. And the sad thing is, I know my ex isn't having fun cos he's sick and depressed (hence the break up) so why do I feel the urge to text him already? yes, I miss him but isn't it sad that he isn't showing any emotions towards me at all? I feel sick all the time and seriously want to die! But only cos I'm feeling clingy NOT because I'm feeling love... weird! I have to wait another month maximum and for those who did the NC you should be very proud of yourselves, cos it's not easy at all! I have so much to do in my life right now and I'm planning to do something each day... Also, I'm really unhappy with where I am and I want to move back to the city but I'm afraid if I did move back I'll visit all the places we went together etc... and all this hurt is just adding up :( ... What do you guys do when you feel you're about to text and break your NC?
Hey Rihnna,
I feel you. It sucks. It fucking sucks. I wish I could just totally delete her in my life. But this fucking feelings just won't go away. I'm so depressed because I've got no one to share to. I have friends but I only contact them online, we are not seeing each other personally because they are busy.
I haven't told my mom yet that we are no longer together because I don't know how to tell her out of nowhere. I don't want my mom hurt if I'll be telling her the real reason she broke up with me is because she doesn't love me anymore.
I wish I never met her. It is better to never love at all than lost.
I just need some hug right now....
Hey Raed,
I haven't told my mom either, but she got it herself. One day, she told me that she does not see any facebook pictures in which we are together. Does it mean that we are no more together. It was a hard moment to say yes to my mom! I understand you!!
Dara,
Yes, it is really hard to open up to ypur family that you are no longer together. I just hope one day they would get a hint because I cannot really tell them. I will find it harder to see them hurt as well.
Dara,
Yes, it is really hard to open up to ypur family that you are no longer together. I just hope one day they would get a hint because I cannot really tell them. I will find it harder to see them hurt as well.
Dara,
Yes, it is really hard to open up to ypur family that you are no longer together. I just hope one day they would get a hint because I cannot really tell them. I will find it harder to see them hurt as well.
Dara,
Yes, it is really hard to open up to ypur family that you are no longer together. I just hope one day they would get a hint because I cannot really tell them. I will find it harder to see them hurt as well.
Hey Raed,
I haven't told my mom either, but she got it herself. One day, she told me that she does not see any facebook pictures in which we are together. Does it mean that we are no more together. It was a hard moment to say yes to my mom! I understand you!!
Hey Raed,
I haven't told my mom either, but she got it herself. One day, she told me that she does not see any facebook pictures in which we are together. Does it mean that we are no more together. It was a hard moment to say yes to my mom! I understand you!!
Thank you Rihanna!! I hope you will be doing great in a couple of weeks!!
Hi Rihanna,
NC are tough actually, im already in 3 months of NC and Counting. But i Ex girl seems to be darn happy about her college life and any other stuff that does not include me. To be honest, i did NC just to shape myself up and i felt better and im not as needy as before. During NC, perhaps you should find activities to keep yourself from thinking anything bout him. No doubt its hard but you gotta try. In fact up untill now i do still feels for my ex but im more to changing to myself to prove to her that i'm a better person today compare to last time. believe in yourself you can do it !
Thank you Sean, and good luck to you :)
Thank you Sean, and good luck to you :)
Thank you Sean, and good luck to you :)
Hi Rihanna,
Hang in there. I know it is tough as I'm feeling the same. My ex broke up with me out of the blue 5 weeks ago. I made all the classic mistakes in that first week of texting her, even random stuff I thought she would find interesting, but getting no replies. I went no contact, sadly I broke it 16 days in, by sending her a text. Will power was very weak and I was missing her like crazy. She sent back a text telling me that "while breakups are tough and that I was a great guy, I need to respect her decision and leave her alone". I now back at 12 days NC and had a tough day yesterday when I heard our song playing on the radio. I went home and cried. I really want to reach out to her, but had to come back to this website to remind myself that I need the space to heal.
Yes it tough as you will badly want to reach out to your Ex but hang in there. It will be worth it in the long run and there are lots of people on this website cheering for you :)
Thank you Steve. I feel your pain, I'm in my third week of NC and yesterday, like you, I cried as well but in the shower cos I live back with my mum (as if the breakup isn't hard enough) and I've had to move my entire life back to the country :( and start my life from scratch! eeewk... When's the end of your NC? What are you doing in the meantime? I'm doing one change at a time each day so good luck to you also, and thanks for sharing :)
Hi Rhianna
Yeah it feels good just to talk and not be judged or told you are making the wrong decisions. So what am I’m doing ? Taking it one day at a time at the moment. Some days are tough, some are easy. Right now its lots of little things that keep me going. I allowed my ex to become my world when we were dating. I’m 35 so majority of my friends are now married with kids and trying to organise catching up with them can be a hassle, so I have a lot of lonely nights sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking wine. Not the best for moving on I know :P
Weekends I have started getting out more, I even went to the movies by myself last Saturday
One positive that I’ve always had going for myself is I run a lot, 3 -4 times a week, so keeping fit has always been a part of what I do. Even if I don’t feel like a run, I live 10min drive from the beach and going for a walk is always a great way to relax
Not sure when I will end NC. I’m day 40 since we broke up and I still feel emotionally up and down. Having read lots lately about breakups, It could of been Kevin who said this or someone else, but the quote was “Woman aren’t attracted to men who are needy, desperate, who grovel and whine”. Until I feel that I can comfortably past that hurdle then I will end NC. In saying that I know my ex was working on a massive project with her work that will be finish around 3rd July and that could be the opportunity to reach out with a text to see how she is doing with it
Thank you for sharing your story Steve. I'm 32 and in the same way, all my friends are married with kids and I feel like an outsider. I have my up and downs too and today I miss him a lot, the mornings we spent together, people used to envy our love everywhere we went and it's sad that it's gone! Yes, women don't like needy but we also don't like 'cold' men it's nice to show emotions as well. I'm 20 days into NC and like you 40 days since the break up, I feel confused and don't want to go on meaningless dates (it's not me anyway). I'm so lost right now, not sure whether or not to take a leap of faith and move back to the city or stay in the country with my family but every time I do take any kind of risk it backfires :( ... I'm not sure whether to go to college here and find work here or go back and do it there (what I wish to do). I don't have many friends here or there and really, I have no idea where to live :'( it's very hard to lose someone you love but to lose everything else too makes it even harder. I'm also thinking of my first text out on the 6th july cos that's the date we met and I have an idea what to say but can't guarantee he'll respond. He's going through pain and depression so I'm not sure what will happen ... What do you think?
Thank you for sharing your story Steve. I'm 32 and in the same way, all my friends are married with kids and I feel like an outsider. I have my up and downs too and today I miss him a lot, the mornings we spent together, people used to envy our love everywhere we went and it's sad that it's gone! Yes, women don't like needy but we also don't like 'cold' men it's nice to show emotions as well. I'm 20 days into NC and like you 40 days since the break up, I feel confused and don't want to go on meaningless dates (it's not me anyway). I'm so lost right now, not sure whether or not to take a leap of faith and move back to the city or stay in the country with my family but every time I do take any kind of risk it backfires :( ... I'm not sure whether to go to college here and find work here or go back and do it there (what I wish to do). I don't have many friends here or there and really, I have no idea where to live :'( it's very hard to lose someone you love but to lose everything else too makes it even harder. I'm also thinking of my first text out on the 6th july cos that's the date we met and I have an idea what to say but can't guarantee he'll respond. He's going through pain and depression so I'm not sure what will happen ... What do you think?
Thank you for sharing your story Steve. I'm 32 and in the same way, all my friends are married with kids and I feel like an outsider. I have my up and downs too and today I miss him a lot, the mornings we spent together, people used to envy our love everywhere we went and it's sad that it's gone! Yes, women don't like needy but we also don't like 'cold' men it's nice to show emotions as well. I'm 20 days into NC and like you 40 days since the break up, I feel confused and don't want to go on meaningless dates (it's not me anyway). I'm so lost right now, not sure whether or not to take a leap of faith and move back to the city or stay in the country with my family but every time I do take any kind of risk it backfires :( ... I'm not sure whether to go to college here and find work here or go back and do it there (what I wish to do). I don't have many friends here or there and really, I have no idea where to live :'( it's very hard to lose someone you love but to lose everything else too makes it even harder. I'm also thinking of my first text out on the 6th july cos that's the date we met and I have an idea what to say but can't guarantee he'll respond. He's going through pain and depression so I'm not sure what will happen ... What do you think?
Thank you for sharing your story Steve. I'm 32 and in the same way, all my friends are married with kids and I feel like an outsider. I have my up and downs too and today I miss him a lot, the mornings we spent together, people used to envy our love everywhere we went and it's sad that it's gone! Yes, women don't like needy but we also don't like 'cold' men it's nice to show emotions as well. I'm 20 days into NC and like you 40 days since the break up, I feel confused and don't want to go on meaningless dates (it's not me anyway). I'm so lost right now, not sure whether or not to take a leap of faith and move back to the city or stay in the country with my family but every time I do take any kind of risk it backfires :( ... I'm not sure whether to go to college here and find work here or go back and do it there (what I wish to do). I don't have many friends here or there and really, I have no idea where to live :'( it's very hard to lose someone you love but to lose everything else too makes it even harder. I'm also thinking of my first text out on the 6th july cos that's the date we met and I have an idea what to say but can't guarantee he'll respond. He's going through pain and depression so I'm not sure what will happen ... What do you think?
Thank you for sharing your story Steve. I'm 32 and in the same way, all my friends are married with kids and I feel like an outsider. I have my up and downs too and today I miss him a lot, the mornings we spent together, people used to envy our love everywhere we went and it's sad that it's gone! Yes, women don't like needy but we also don't like 'cold' men it's nice to show emotions as well. I'm 20 days into NC and like you 40 days since the break up, I feel confused and don't want to go on meaningless dates (it's not me anyway). I'm so lost right now, not sure whether or not to take a leap of faith and move back to the city or stay in the country with my family but every time I do take any kind of risk it backfires :( ... I'm not sure whether to go to college here and find work here or go back and do it there (what I wish to do). I don't have many friends here or there and really, I have no idea where to live :'( it's very hard to lose someone you love but to lose everything else too makes it even harder. I'm also thinking of my first text out on the 6th july cos that's the date we met and I have an idea what to say but can't guarantee he'll respond. He's going through pain and depression so I'm not sure what will happen ... What do you think?
Hey Rihanna,
Last time you asked a guy point of view. Now I want to ask a girl point of view.
Today was around 43rd day of NC. I saw her in the gym. Apparently, she is now a better looking person than what we broke up. It make me sort of jealous. Reason is obvious, a part of me felt that now more guys will be attracted to her. Now my question is that since I have made a lot of improvements on myself. Will it make her sort of jealous? Before the break up I asked this question to a girl friend and she said "do you think girls are physical oriented?". What's your opinion?
Thanks,
Dara
Hi Dara, my opinion is YES it will make her if not jealous at least more attracted to you, especially if you're looking the same when you two first met, that same attraction will surface again. Plus, people are visual so we do care about looks, guys and girls, and if she sees a cute girl chatting to you in the gym she'll start to wonder about you again but my opinion is, even if a girl did come up to you don't over do it with flirting cos you want your ex to think every girl wants my guy but he won't just go for anyone, so being with you would mean a lot more in this way. Be hard to reach but not too much in your exes direction... be firm and gentleman and she'll be in your arms :) just my girly opinion... good luck! :)
Hi Dara, my opinion is YES it will make her if not jealous at least more attracted to you, especially if you're looking the same when you two first met, that same attraction will surface again. Plus, people are visual so we do care about looks, guys and girls, and if she sees a cute girl chatting to you in the gym she'll start to wonder about you again but my opinion is, even if a girl did come up to you don't over do it with flirting cos you want your ex to think every girl wants my guy but he won't just go for anyone, so being with you would mean a lot more in this way. Be hard to reach but not too much in your exes direction... be firm and gentleman and she'll be in your arms :) just my girly opinion... good luck! :)
Hi Dara, my opinion is YES it will make her if not jealous at least more attracted to you, especially if you're looking the same when you two first met, that same attraction will surface again. Plus, people are visual so we do care about looks, guys and girls, and if she sees a cute girl chatting to you in the gym she'll start to wonder about you again but my opinion is, even if a girl did come up to you don't over do it with flirting cos you want your ex to think every girl wants my guy but he won't just go for anyone, so being with you would mean a lot more in this way. Be hard to reach but not too much in your exes direction... be firm and gentleman and she'll be in your arms :) just my girly opinion... good luck! :)
Hi Dara, my opinion is YES it will make her if not jealous at least more attracted to you, especially if you're looking the same when you two first met, that same attraction will surface again. Plus, people are visual so we do care about looks, guys and girls, and if she sees a cute girl chatting to you in the gym she'll start to wonder about you again but my opinion is, even if a girl did come up to you don't over do it with flirting cos you want your ex to think every girl wants my guy but he won't just go for anyone, so being with you would mean a lot more in this way. Be hard to reach but not too much in your exes direction... be firm and gentleman and she'll be in your arms :) just my girly opinion... good luck! :)
Hi Dara, my opinion is YES it will make her if not jealous at least more attracted to you, especially if you're looking the same when you two first met, that same attraction will surface again. Plus, people are visual so we do care about looks, guys and girls, and if she sees a cute girl chatting to you in the gym she'll start to wonder about you again but my opinion is, even if a girl did come up to you don't over do it with flirting cos you want your ex to think every girl wants my guy but he won't just go for anyone, so being with you would mean a lot more in this way. Be hard to reach but not too much in your exes direction... be firm and gentleman and she'll be in your arms :) just my girly opinion... good luck! :)
Hi Rhianna
Yeah it feels good just to talk and not be judged or told you are making the wrong decisions. So what am I’m doing ? Taking it one day at a time at the moment. Some days are tough, some are easy. Right now its lots of little things that keep me going. I allowed my ex to become my world when we were dating. I’m 35 so majority of my friends are now married with kids and trying to organise catching up with them can be a hassle, so I have a lot of lonely nights sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking wine. Not the best for moving on I know :P
Weekends I have started getting out more, I even went to the movies by myself last Saturday
One positive that I’ve always had going for myself is I run a lot, 3 -4 times a week, so keeping fit has always been a part of what I do. Even if I don’t feel like a run, I live 10min drive from the beach and going for a walk is always a great way to relax
Not sure when I will end NC. I’m day 40 since we broke up and I still feel emotionally up and down. Having read lots lately about breakups, It could of been Kevin who said this or someone else, but the quote was “Woman aren’t attracted to men who are needy, desperate, who grovel and whine”. Until I feel that I can comfortably past that hurdle then I will end NC. In saying that I know my ex was working on a massive project with her work that will be finish around 3rd July and that could be the opportunity to reach out with a text to see how she is doing with it
Hey Rihanna,
Last time you asked a guy point of view. Now I want to ask a girl point of view.
Today was around 43rd day of NC. I saw her in the gym. Apparently, she is now a better looking person than what we broke up. It make me sort of jealous. Reason is obvious, a part of me felt that now more guys will be attracted to her. Now my question is that since I have made a lot of improvements on myself. Will it make her sort of jealous? Before the break up I asked this question to a girl friend and she said "do you think girls are physical oriented?". What's your opinion?
Thanks,
Dara
Hi Rhianna
Yeah it feels good just to talk and not be judged or told you are making the wrong decisions. So what am I’m doing ? Taking it one day at a time at the moment. Some days are tough, some are easy. Right now its lots of little things that keep me going. I allowed my ex to become my world when we were dating. I’m 35 so majority of my friends are now married with kids and trying to organise catching up with them can be a hassle, so I have a lot of lonely nights sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking wine. Not the best for moving on I know :P
Weekends I have started getting out more, I even went to the movies by myself last Saturday
One positive that I’ve always had going for myself is I run a lot, 3 -4 times a week, so keeping fit has always been a part of what I do. Even if I don’t feel like a run, I live 10min drive from the beach and going for a walk is always a great way to relax
Not sure when I will end NC. I’m day 40 since we broke up and I still feel emotionally up and down. Having read lots lately about breakups, It could of been Kevin who said this or someone else, but the quote was “Woman aren’t attracted to men who are needy, desperate, who grovel and whine”. Until I feel that I can comfortably past that hurdle then I will end NC. In saying that I know my ex was working on a massive project with her work that will be finish around 3rd July and that could be the opportunity to reach out with a text to see how she is doing with it
Hey Rihanna,
Last time you asked a guy point of view. Now I want to ask a girl point of view.
Today was around 43rd day of NC. I saw her in the gym. Apparently, she is now a better looking person than what we broke up. It make me sort of jealous. Reason is obvious, a part of me felt that now more guys will be attracted to her. Now my question is that since I have made a lot of improvements on myself. Will it make her sort of jealous? Before the break up I asked this question to a girl friend and she said "do you think girls are physical oriented?". What's your opinion?
Thanks,
Dara
Hi Rhianna
Yeah it feels good just to talk and not be judged or told you are making the wrong decisions. So what am I’m doing ? Taking it one day at a time at the moment. Some days are tough, some are easy. Right now its lots of little things that keep me going. I allowed my ex to become my world when we were dating. I’m 35 so majority of my friends are now married with kids and trying to organise catching up with them can be a hassle, so I have a lot of lonely nights sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking wine. Not the best for moving on I know :P
Weekends I have started getting out more, I even went to the movies by myself last Saturday
One positive that I’ve always had going for myself is I run a lot, 3 -4 times a week, so keeping fit has always been a part of what I do. Even if I don’t feel like a run, I live 10min drive from the beach and going for a walk is always a great way to relax
Not sure when I will end NC. I’m day 40 since we broke up and I still feel emotionally up and down. Having read lots lately about breakups, It could of been Kevin who said this or someone else, but the quote was “Woman aren’t attracted to men who are needy, desperate, who grovel and whine”. Until I feel that I can comfortably past that hurdle then I will end NC. In saying that I know my ex was working on a massive project with her work that will be finish around 3rd July and that could be the opportunity to reach out with a text to see how she is doing with it
Hey Rihanna,
Last time you asked a guy point of view. Now I want to ask a girl point of view.
Today was around 43rd day of NC. I saw her in the gym. Apparently, she is now a better looking person than what we broke up. It make me sort of jealous. Reason is obvious, a part of me felt that now more guys will be attracted to her. Now my question is that since I have made a lot of improvements on myself. Will it make her sort of jealous? Before the break up I asked this question to a girl friend and she said "do you think girls are physical oriented?". What's your opinion?
Thanks,
Dara
Thank you Steve. I feel your pain, I'm in my third week of NC and yesterday, like you, I cried as well but in the shower cos I live back with my mum (as if the breakup isn't hard enough) and I've had to move my entire life back to the country :( and start my life from scratch! eeewk... When's the end of your NC? What are you doing in the meantime? I'm doing one change at a time each day so good luck to you also, and thanks for sharing :)
Thank you Steve. I feel your pain, I'm in my third week of NC and yesterday, like you, I cried as well but in the shower cos I live back with my mum (as if the breakup isn't hard enough) and I've had to move my entire life back to the country :( and start my life from scratch! eeewk... When's the end of your NC? What are you doing in the meantime? I'm doing one change at a time each day so good luck to you also, and thanks for sharing :)
Hey richanna
I might be a Lil to late,but don't break the NC its only gonna put you back at square one. My personal advice is do something fun hang out with friends/family treat yourself to a spa with your girlfriends. We can support each other as I'm going through the samething and know how hard it could get. If you want we can exchange emails and guide each other.
Thank you Latoya and good luck :)
Thank you Latoya and good luck :)
Thank you Latoya and good luck :)
Rihanna!
I know how you're feeling right now.. My ex is sick too, he's in the hospital because he broke hes knee during a cross competition.. He's 18, and i'm 18,
We broke up for almost a month ago, just because i didn't stop fighting with him.. He has always been very honest and straight to me, while i was playing mindgames with him.. i wanted to know if he cared so much that he told me he did, he said to me that he had never felt this way before for a girl, that we was meant to be together, he wanted me forever and so on.. We had a distance relationship, and we broke up because he reached his breakingpoint because of all the fights i started with him.. Not until we broke up i saw what i lost, and i lost the love of my life.. I have never felt this way before for a boy, and he had never felt this way before for a girl he said :(
Last week i called him and asked him for a new chance with him, i said that i had grew up alot since the break up, he said that he wanted to think about it! I was soooo happy that he said that! But i had a thought back in my mind that we can't just really let go of the past after three weeks away from eachother.. So from an hour ago, we said that we were best as friends .. I think we have to stop talking to eachother, then maybe become friends, and if we think it's possible maybe go back to eachother.. He told me for a moment ago that in the future we maybe go back to eachother, but in the future, and anything is possible then..
Should i go back to no talking in a month with him? I know he's the one, and if it takes to be friends before we try again, i'm willing to be that. I will never forget that he told me that i am the girl he thought were impossible to find and he had never felt this way before for a girl. Now i know, my feelings are the same for him, it's just that i saw that now after the break up.. Please help, anyone? :(
/ Lovisa!
Thank you Lovisa, your reconciliation sounds promising so good luck!
I really hope that i still have a chance.. i was a bitch and i know that, and we broke up just because i didn't stop fighting with him because i was so immature and insecure of the distance :(
I hope in time everything works out for all of you guys! keep fighting :)
Remember - if it's still in your mind, it's worth fighting for..
I really hope that i still have a chance.. i was a bitch and i know that, and we broke up just because i didn't stop fighting with him because i was so immature and insecure of the distance :(
I hope in time everything works out for all of you guys! keep fighting :)
Remember - if it's still in your mind, it's worth fighting for..
I really hope that i still have a chance.. i was a bitch and i know that, and we broke up just because i didn't stop fighting with him because i was so immature and insecure of the distance :(
I hope in time everything works out for all of you guys! keep fighting :)
Remember - if it's still in your mind, it's worth fighting for..
I really hope that i still have a chance.. i was a bitch and i know that, and we broke up just because i didn't stop fighting with him because i was so immature and insecure of the distance :(
I hope in time everything works out for all of you guys! keep fighting :)
Remember - if it's still in your mind, it's worth fighting for..
Thank you Lovisa, your reconciliation sounds promising so good luck!
Thank you Lovisa, your reconciliation sounds promising so good luck!
Dont rihanna! Dont break it just yet. Keep your cool! Focus on other things. Your 2 weeks of hardwork will go to waste if you contact him now. You can do it.
Thank you Daniel, I just went visited some friends but I was like a zombie... this is really hard but I'm willing to wait it out and hopefully I'll be in a better place in life and better frame of mind when I do contact him in a month time (fingers crossed it'll be successful)... hope all is well with you, I enjoy reading your progress and thanks for sharing.
Thank you Daniel, I just went visited some friends but I was like a zombie... this is really hard but I'm willing to wait it out and hopefully I'll be in a better place in life and better frame of mind when I do contact him in a month time (fingers crossed it'll be successful)... hope all is well with you, I enjoy reading your progress and thanks for sharing.
Thank you Daniel, I just went visited some friends but I was like a zombie... this is really hard but I'm willing to wait it out and hopefully I'll be in a better place in life and better frame of mind when I do contact him in a month time (fingers crossed it'll be successful)... hope all is well with you, I enjoy reading your progress and thanks for sharing.
Hey Rihnna,
I feel you. It sucks. It fucking sucks. I wish I could just totally delete her in my life. But this fucking feelings just won't go away. I'm so depressed because I've got no one to share to. I have friends but I only contact them online, we are not seeing each other personally because they are busy.
I haven't told my mom yet that we are no longer together because I don't know how to tell her out of nowhere. I don't want my mom hurt if I'll be telling her the real reason she broke up with me is because she doesn't love me anymore.
I wish I never met her. It is better to never love at all than lost.
I just need some hug right now....
Thank you Rihanna!! I hope you will be doing great in a couple of weeks!!
Hi Rihanna,
NC are tough actually, im already in 3 months of NC and Counting. But i Ex girl seems to be darn happy about her college life and any other stuff that does not include me. To be honest, i did NC just to shape myself up and i felt better and im not as needy as before. During NC, perhaps you should find activities to keep yourself from thinking anything bout him. No doubt its hard but you gotta try. In fact up untill now i do still feels for my ex but im more to changing to myself to prove to her that i'm a better person today compare to last time. believe in yourself you can do it !
Hi Rihanna,
Hang in there. I know it is tough as I'm feeling the same. My ex broke up with me out of the blue 5 weeks ago. I made all the classic mistakes in that first week of texting her, even random stuff I thought she would find interesting, but getting no replies. I went no contact, sadly I broke it 16 days in, by sending her a text. Will power was very weak and I was missing her like crazy. She sent back a text telling me that "while breakups are tough and that I was a great guy, I need to respect her decision and leave her alone". I now back at 12 days NC and had a tough day yesterday when I heard our song playing on the radio. I went home and cried. I really want to reach out to her, but had to come back to this website to remind myself that I need the space to heal.
Yes it tough as you will badly want to reach out to your Ex but hang in there. It will be worth it in the long run and there are lots of people on this website cheering for you :)
Hey richanna
I might be a Lil to late,but don't break the NC its only gonna put you back at square one. My personal advice is do something fun hang out with friends/family treat yourself to a spa with your girlfriends. We can support each other as I'm going through the samething and know how hard it could get. If you want we can exchange emails and guide each other.
Rihanna!
I know how you're feeling right now.. My ex is sick too, he's in the hospital because he broke hes knee during a cross competition.. He's 18, and i'm 18,
We broke up for almost a month ago, just because i didn't stop fighting with him.. He has always been very honest and straight to me, while i was playing mindgames with him.. i wanted to know if he cared so much that he told me he did, he said to me that he had never felt this way before for a girl, that we was meant to be together, he wanted me forever and so on.. We had a distance relationship, and we broke up because he reached his breakingpoint because of all the fights i started with him.. Not until we broke up i saw what i lost, and i lost the love of my life.. I have never felt this way before for a boy, and he had never felt this way before for a girl he said :(
Last week i called him and asked him for a new chance with him, i said that i had grew up alot since the break up, he said that he wanted to think about it! I was soooo happy that he said that! But i had a thought back in my mind that we can't just really let go of the past after three weeks away from eachother.. So from an hour ago, we said that we were best as friends .. I think we have to stop talking to eachother, then maybe become friends, and if we think it's possible maybe go back to eachother.. He told me for a moment ago that in the future we maybe go back to eachother, but in the future, and anything is possible then..
Should i go back to no talking in a month with him? I know he's the one, and if it takes to be friends before we try again, i'm willing to be that. I will never forget that he told me that i am the girl he thought were impossible to find and he had never felt this way before for a girl. Now i know, my feelings are the same for him, it's just that i saw that now after the break up.. Please help, anyone? :(
/ Lovisa!
Dont rihanna! Dont break it just yet. Keep your cool! Focus on other things. Your 2 weeks of hardwork will go to waste if you contact him now. You can do it.
I hope that you can give your opinion in the last message. It's very important for me.
Hey Kevin!!
So after about little over a month my ex FINALLY called me yesterday and said everything is forgiven. Etc, etc... We don't know when we'll talk to each other again but what should I do until then? I don't want to blow his phone up or anything trying to keep in contact.
Hey Vee, I think that's great!! But keep it on a low key and see what happens, goodluck by the way
Hey Vee, I think that's great!! But keep it on a low key and see what happens, goodluck by the way
Hey Kevin,
I've been in no contact for a little over 3 weeks now. She "my ex" has been posting pictures with her new man on Facebook. Our mutual friends have been telling me this. I un-friended and blocked her awhile back. Last night I get an e-mail from her saying: I miss talking to you. I want to respond to her. What should I say? I know it really doesn't mean anything but I need some guidance.
Thanx ........
You should reply to her but keep it on low key for now you dont want to rush things or ruin them either, have you done no contact thing at all?
You should reply to her but keep it on low key for now you dont want to rush things or ruin them either, have you done no contact thing at all?
Hey Kevin,
Thanks again, you have helped me a tremendous amount. I don’t think giving her an ultimatum would be wise in this situation judging from her previous actions. I found out from a loud-mouthed friend that she was very sad and upset that I’ve been ignoring her and blocking her ever since she dropped off my stuff. I found out that she purposely didn’t give me one of my things as well. She even always asks my friend to see my profile, or Instagram. I know this is all good news in my favor for getting her back and all, I just don’t know what to text her. I want to text her tomorrow, nothing about missing her, or relationship related. Just something saying I don’t hate her and the space is important, so she can understand why I am doing it. I am open to hanging out, and being my confident and funny self , but I would never act desperate or needy again. I’d remind her how awesome I am, and independent, and cool without her, etc. as mentioned in your 5 step plan. How should I go about texting her though? I am stuck on that, and would really appreciate your advice on that end. I can’t thank you enough!
Hi.
I will be done with my no contact of one month on 15th.
She is really very happy with her life right now and was not at all willing to talk to me. I guess the same will go now too.
We will be moving to other cities in july.
What type of text should i send her that she replies. Also i had logged in to her fb and changed her password and unfriended her. Its been 20 days since. Should i sene hr
Should i send her a message (like mentioned in the sample letter) to her along with a friend request on facebook ?
She has kind of decided that she dosen't wants to talk to me. Is there any way or any specific message by which i can be friends with her and make her reply ? Please help me people.
Im not sure man. My ex doesnt talk to me either. If you have relationship rewind kevin said to use the text in deaths door section. BUT i dont know if he will recommend the same for you. Goodluck.
Hi Anon, I wouldn't know either obviously I'm no expert in relationships hence why I'm here :( ... but text wise I think something like: "I have some news I want to share with you, I hope you'll be happy for me :)" and leave it at that... I guess that will instigate an interest in her to find out what it is? but then you have to have something great to tell her about you so, you might want to take a new hobby something completely different to what you would normally do to show her you've changed a bit or something she's interested in I don't know! but at least if you take your time in answering her (not too long though) she'll add you back on facebook in case you've shared that news with the world and this way could be a small step back in... But I suggest you ask Kevin cos this might backfire... good luck!
Thanks guys. I'll have to wait quite long for kevin to reply. I am really unsure what to do here. If i should use the letter or the text or both. By the way i think we will be in the same city for around 10 days only in july. I want things to be right before that.
Thanks guys. I'll have to wait quite long for kevin to reply. I am really unsure what to do here. If i should use the letter or the text or both. By the way i think we will be in the same city for around 10 days only in july. I want things to be right before that.
Thanks guys. I'll have to wait quite long for kevin to reply. I am really unsure what to do here. If i should use the letter or the text or both. By the way i think we will be in the same city for around 10 days only in july. I want things to be right before that.
Thanks guys. I'll have to wait quite long for kevin to reply. I am really unsure what to do here. If i should use the letter or the text or both. By the way i think we will be in the same city for around 10 days only in july. I want things to be right before that.
Thanks guys. I'll have to wait quite long for kevin to reply. I am really unsure what to do here. If i should use the letter or the text or both. By the way i think we will be in the same city for around 10 days only in july. I want things to be right before that.
Hi Anon, I wouldn't know either obviously I'm no expert in relationships hence why I'm here :( ... but text wise I think something like: "I have some news I want to share with you, I hope you'll be happy for me :)" and leave it at that... I guess that will instigate an interest in her to find out what it is? but then you have to have something great to tell her about you so, you might want to take a new hobby something completely different to what you would normally do to show her you've changed a bit or something she's interested in I don't know! but at least if you take your time in answering her (not too long though) she'll add you back on facebook in case you've shared that news with the world and this way could be a small step back in... But I suggest you ask Kevin cos this might backfire... good luck!
Hi Anon, I wouldn't know either obviously I'm no expert in relationships hence why I'm here :( ... but text wise I think something like: "I have some news I want to share with you, I hope you'll be happy for me :)" and leave it at that... I guess that will instigate an interest in her to find out what it is? but then you have to have something great to tell her about you so, you might want to take a new hobby something completely different to what you would normally do to show her you've changed a bit or something she's interested in I don't know! but at least if you take your time in answering her (not too long though) she'll add you back on facebook in case you've shared that news with the world and this way could be a small step back in... But I suggest you ask Kevin cos this might backfire... good luck!
Hi Anon, I wouldn't know either obviously I'm no expert in relationships hence why I'm here :( ... but text wise I think something like: "I have some news I want to share with you, I hope you'll be happy for me :)" and leave it at that... I guess that will instigate an interest in her to find out what it is? but then you have to have something great to tell her about you so, you might want to take a new hobby something completely different to what you would normally do to show her you've changed a bit or something she's interested in I don't know! but at least if you take your time in answering her (not too long though) she'll add you back on facebook in case you've shared that news with the world and this way could be a small step back in... But I suggest you ask Kevin cos this might backfire... good luck!
Im not sure man. My ex doesnt talk to me either. If you have relationship rewind kevin said to use the text in deaths door section. BUT i dont know if he will recommend the same for you. Goodluck.
Im not sure man. My ex doesnt talk to me either. If you have relationship rewind kevin said to use the text in deaths door section. BUT i dont know if he will recommend the same for you. Goodluck.
Should i send her a message (like mentioned in the sample letter) to her along with a friend request on facebook ?
She has kind of decided that she dosen't wants to talk to me. Is there any way or any specific message by which i can be friends with her and make her reply ? Please help me people.
Hi guys, i want to share my story. It's been 2 months since my ex girlfriend and i saw each other and 3 months since she broke uo with me and i did NC for 45 days. For those days i improved myself, i went to gym, buy new clothes, i continue studying a particular language, i hang out with friends. To make the story short on june 8 (yesterday) she texted me (maybe because it is my bday today) she said hi and how am i doing. I waited an hour before before i replied. I said im ok and i asked the same. Then she asked me if we could meet. So i said sure why not. We met at a cafe around 2 oclock pm. Then when she walked towards me shee look upset and looks like her tears gonna fall in her eyes. So asked her whats the problem. She said i'll tell you later. So we had a normal conversation then when our food was served i asked her again on what was bothering her. Then she started crying because she saw a picture of me and a girl posted by her friend in facebook (dont know that this girl is her friend a long time ago) I just met the girl last saturday when i attended a bday party of a friend. This girl i was talking about wanted to take a picture with me and some other guys was teasing me with her, so as a gentleman i agree to take picture with her (well the picture turns out a little bit sweet) to make the story short she saw the picure on facebook and she saw the comment by the people on the picture which for me i dont have any intention to make her jealous. I was shocked when she started crying and she said how can do this to her. She said she was hurt and feel betrayed because until now she still hoping for us. Its funny because it seems i cheated on her. So i explained to her that it was just a picture and it was just for fun and nothing serious about it. And she asked me how would i feel if i saw a pucture of her and a guy that are sweet to each other. I tell her i am not looking anymore to your facebook page. Lol! Then admit i will also get jealous so i understand her. So just told her that there is nothing to worry about because until now i still have feelings for her. Then we talked about us but i never asked her to come back to me. Eventhough she never told me that she still loves me i can still see it in her eyes that she has still feelings for me. I asked her if somebody is interested in her and she said yes but she dont entertain the guy. We still both agree that we still both need time and space. While we are sitting she hug me. She said she wanted to fix everything but it is hard for now because her family is involve. So i said if she still need time i will give all the time that she wants. But if she find someone else i told her that if she could give me the closure because i think everyone of us deserve a closure. Eventhough i still love her guys, i can say i am happy now even if she wont come back to me. Then after that we say goodbye and we hug and kiss each other ( that where i told myself that she still love me) And later at night i treat my friends for dinner and we drink to celebrate my bday in advance. Exactly 12 midnight she texted me happy birthday. Well now im still gonna continue what i am doing. If she contact me i will just be cool and reply to her but i will not gonna initiate first. We will see what will happen next, if we are meant to be then God will find a way but if not i know at that time everything will be ok for both of us indivudually. So guys time heals, enjoy being single, improve your self, go out, and be happy. Coz if our exes will comeback,they will and if not im sure you will just smile and say "no regrets, it still worth it"
Brandon
Hey Brandon,
I think you have done it with style!! Good job man! My NC started just 2 days after yours. I also feel great about myself. My ex girlfriend did not respond to my text or mail till now. I have also started developing the feelings that being single is amazing! Though there are moments when I feel bad but they are really rare! I have even starting analyzing what if I start a new relationship with other girls and have already started flirting with some once in a while to make a move when I get sure about moving on!
All my kudos goes to Kevin for his article which clearly talks about the benefits of his plan and here I can feel it!
Good luck Brandon! Update us later!
Hi Dara,
It is good to know that you are ok now. I guarantee you one day she will contact you. For now just continue what you are doing. I know it is hard to fight the urge of contacting our ex but be strong. If you feel like calling her or texting her just go out leave your phone at home and do some sports or hobbies that you love. Now if you feel 100 percent that you are ready to text her without any hope if she gonna reply to you then do it. Just say hi and tell her you remember her and hope everything is great for her. There is nothing wrong of going to date and flirting with other girls it will boost your confidence. If you are totally over her then if you are ready for a new relationship then do it. Just be cool, i am not saying stop hoping but be positive whatever will happen. If she will come back to you, she will but if not i know doing the NC and being happy with yourself will make you a accept the fact that its over. If she cant give you the closure that you need i know time will give it to you. Every relationship is different my friend, you will know by then if it is time to give up or continue hoping. Goodluck! Enjoy being single coz you will never know when you gonna be single again. Lol! You will miss it.
Hi Brandon,
Thanks for the advice. I don't have that strong urge to call or text her. I randomly see her in the gym, on average once in a week. Then I have the urge to look at her or see if I could talk to her. Though I was successful in not talking to her but the last time (yesterday) the urge of looking at her was quiet strong.
I went on a date last week. It was fun. Its been a while that I have started flirting with girls hear and there. But apparently, a part of me still prefer my ex over them. I will wait for two more weeks before the next contact.
By the way, I believe till now you have done it great!! Good job man!! Best of luck!!
Hi Brandon,
Thanks for the advice. I don't have that strong urge to call or text her. I randomly see her in the gym, on average once in a week. Then I have the urge to look at her or see if I could talk to her. Though I was successful in not talking to her but the last time (yesterday) the urge of looking at her was quiet strong.
I went on a date last week. It was fun. Its been a while that I have started flirting with girls hear and there. But apparently, a part of me still prefer my ex over them. I will wait for two more weeks before the next contact.
By the way, I believe till now you have done it great!! Good job man!! Best of luck!!
Hi Brandon,
Thanks for the advice. I don't have that strong urge to call or text her. I randomly see her in the gym, on average once in a week. Then I have the urge to look at her or see if I could talk to her. Though I was successful in not talking to her but the last time (yesterday) the urge of looking at her was quiet strong.
I went on a date last week. It was fun. Its been a while that I have started flirting with girls hear and there. But apparently, a part of me still prefer my ex over them. I will wait for two more weeks before the next contact.
By the way, I believe till now you have done it great!! Good job man!! Best of luck!!
Hi Brandon,
Thanks for the advice. I don't have that strong urge to call or text her. I randomly see her in the gym, on average once in a week. Then I have the urge to look at her or see if I could talk to her. Though I was successful in not talking to her but the last time (yesterday) the urge of looking at her was quiet strong.
I went on a date last week. It was fun. Its been a while that I have started flirting with girls hear and there. But apparently, a part of me still prefer my ex over them. I will wait for two more weeks before the next contact.
By the way, I believe till now you have done it great!! Good job man!! Best of luck!!
Hi Dara,
It is good to know that you are ok now. I guarantee you one day she will contact you. For now just continue what you are doing. I know it is hard to fight the urge of contacting our ex but be strong. If you feel like calling her or texting her just go out leave your phone at home and do some sports or hobbies that you love. Now if you feel 100 percent that you are ready to text her without any hope if she gonna reply to you then do it. Just say hi and tell her you remember her and hope everything is great for her. There is nothing wrong of going to date and flirting with other girls it will boost your confidence. If you are totally over her then if you are ready for a new relationship then do it. Just be cool, i am not saying stop hoping but be positive whatever will happen. If she will come back to you, she will but if not i know doing the NC and being happy with yourself will make you a accept the fact that its over. If she cant give you the closure that you need i know time will give it to you. Every relationship is different my friend, you will know by then if it is time to give up or continue hoping. Goodluck! Enjoy being single coz you will never know when you gonna be single again. Lol! You will miss it.
Hi Dara,
It is good to know that you are ok now. I guarantee you one day she will contact you. For now just continue what you are doing. I know it is hard to fight the urge of contacting our ex but be strong. If you feel like calling her or texting her just go out leave your phone at home and do some sports or hobbies that you love. Now if you feel 100 percent that you are ready to text her without any hope if she gonna reply to you then do it. Just say hi and tell her you remember her and hope everything is great for her. There is nothing wrong of going to date and flirting with other girls it will boost your confidence. If you are totally over her then if you are ready for a new relationship then do it. Just be cool, i am not saying stop hoping but be positive whatever will happen. If she will come back to you, she will but if not i know doing the NC and being happy with yourself will make you a accept the fact that its over. If she cant give you the closure that you need i know time will give it to you. Every relationship is different my friend, you will know by then if it is time to give up or continue hoping. Goodluck! Enjoy being single coz you will never know when you gonna be single again. Lol! You will miss it.
Hey Brandon,
I think you have done it with style!! Good job man! My NC started just 2 days after yours. I also feel great about myself. My ex girlfriend did not respond to my text or mail till now. I have also started developing the feelings that being single is amazing! Though there are moments when I feel bad but they are really rare! I have even starting analyzing what if I start a new relationship with other girls and have already started flirting with some once in a while to make a move when I get sure about moving on!
All my kudos goes to Kevin for his article which clearly talks about the benefits of his plan and here I can feel it!
Good luck Brandon! Update us later!
KEVIN, PLEASE!
You already replied to the first part and then again to the second part of my situation, but I have an important update... This is LONG distance. I Have just moved to a new city and the earliest I could get back to see her would be the end of August... how should I proceed with your advice given the important fact that I have a new job for 3 years in a different city (2 hour flight apart from her). We talked about distance before we broke up and she said she wasn't happy doing it for 3 years, and would possibly do it to start off but would want to move in... Then we had the ugly breakup I describe below. I would greatly appreciate input!! PLEASE. This is the first part, followed by your reply, and then the second part followed by your second reply.
I dont know what to do if after the non-contact phase I want her back.. I cant leave my job. She definitely wont give up hers given how we ended/uncertainty.
What do I do :(
Here is our previous conversation:
Hi Kevin,
I am 28. My girlfriend 26. We had been together for 2 years and prior to this my girlfriend was with another guy for 5 years. She immediately jumped ship to me from him, with no grieving period over her first love. Her ex BF has since moved on in another relationship that is strong. We have been doing 8 months of long distance (cross-country). I went to see her last week after she had pretty much told me while I was away she couldn’t continue with the distance any longer. She had been telling her friends that she didn’t see how we would end up continuing and that she would most likely be single soon as she felt no commitment from me. I went to visit her to work on the relationship as she can be quite needy for attention–can’t handle being ‘single’– and upon my visit discovered (without her knowing) that she has been talking to her ex BF and recently asked him to go out late one night while I was away. He ended up saying no, but they have 100% gotten together before without my prior knowledge and they’ve been back in touch for over a year now. When I asked my GF if they had hung out or been in touch the last month, she lied 3 times to my face. I didn’t confront her about what I knew- the lying to my face seemed enough of a reason for me to end it, combined with the constant guilt-trip she has put me on for doing long distance.
I broke up with her last week after she got in my face about our problems. I’m doing the no-contact, but isn’t the lying about an ex (her first love of 5 years) to my face, enough of a reason to end it and NOT even consider going back??
YOUR RESPONSE WAS:
Hey,
In my opinion, yes it is a reason to end it and never go back.
MY FOLLOW UP:
Thanks Kevin. I figured the same, but it’s difficult. I dont think she cheated on me, but she did lie. They’re clearly on good terms but I think her ex wants nothing romantic with her as he is happy in his new relationship.
We ended up breaking up arguing… she yelled at me and hung up on me.. i said things to her after that she said made her feel like a monster after I said how inconsiderate she was, etc… She messaged me the next day and tried to get back together the next day, and I said no…then she messaged me and said ‘good luck with your career’ and that was it. my last message was basically telling her its healthy for us to stop and that i dont want to be on bad terms and i feel we should talk, and told her its up to HER to call me as I wont message her again. apparently she is at ease now according to mutual friends. I think its because the relationship was emotionally draining the last 4 months.
I’m really missing her and don’t know if i should ever get in touch with her .. its been 14 days… Should I try to get in touch soon and have a proper mature discussion about us breaking up? It just bothers me so much how we had something so good and it just crashed and burned. For some reason I keep thinking we should try again in the future as we do have a deep bond and according to 2 mutual friends, she is battling through some depression which caused her to reach out to her ex whenever she felt insecure with us doing distance. Does NOT justify it.. but I feel sorry for her in that she was battling that stuff…
How should I proceed. Is it still worth a gamble in the future if she was battling herself internally (due to depression/neediness,), should she stabilize her life. Or is it not even worth it given what I found out (hiding her ex, even if it was just as a friend).
Basically, she is emotionally unstable …but do you feel like giving her a second chance in lets say 6 months or a year, is a bad idea? Apparently she is at ease now with us being over as it was draining her. But she was apparently very hurt by what I said, and is now moving on and is at peace.
I don’t want to let her slip away completely as I want that potential chance.. so should I call her in 2 weeks and want to talk about the breakup, and maybe getting back together once we get some stability back in our own lives… or should I just leave it all up to her to get in touch (which one friend says may be a very long time given how hurt she was and now she is trying to move on).
YOUR SECOND RESPONSE:
Hey,
In my opinion, you’ll be avoiding a lot of stress by cutting her from your life and moving on. Emotional instability is not something that can be fixed easily. And it can only be fixed if SHE decides to work on it. Even then it might take years depending on what caused her issues. She already lied to you once, and there’s a good chance she will do it again. Emotionally unstable people somehow believe they are entitled to do anything (in your case lying and maybe even cheating) because of their emotions.
I will recommend you do NC for at least 3 months. If after that, you still want her back, then get back in touch with her. She won’t move on so quickly, and you will still have a decent chance of getting her back even after 3 months. But at least, you will be sure that you are not making a big mistake since you’ve had enough enough time to get over the “missing her” phase. Also, I’ll recommend highly that you start dating during these 3 months.
___
So Kevin, now what? Im in a new city. She is back home. And I dont see how its going to work and I know she will tell me the exact same thing- We cant even meet for coffee given that I wont be able to see her unless I book a ticket to her city for end of August. And that seems a bit too much given that we arent even together.
PLEASE Kevin. Think hard about what I should do. Ive been doing no contact but I see long-term potential (always have). And now Im in a new place away from her. The glass is broken so to speak and I just dont know how to ideally get us back together (she would eventually have to move here as there is no way I could leave my position).
I don't have many options. Its early June. Its been 21 days no contact now. Earliest I could physically visit her technically in end of August. 3 months of no contact (what you recommended) would put me at end of august which is too late to 'start' talking because i cant just show up at end of august face-to-face. But how would I even get her to want me to come visit after shes hurt and apparently 'at ease' according to friends given how stressful the end of our relationship was? I think we're both in this stalemate of no-contact because although she broke up with me first, I rejected her comeback the next day, so theres no reason for her to contact me again as she was hurt by what I said when she wanted to come back to me. Im just totally lost given that the long-distance is crippling the normal flow of your advice/articles.
Ive read all your articles- I just need some concrete steps given my complicated situation.
THANK YOU. REALLY- THANK YOU. ADVICE APPRECIATED>
I don't have many options. Its early June. Its been 21 days no contact now. Earliest I could physically visit her technically in end of August. 3 months of no contact (what you recommended) would put me at end of august which is too late to 'start' talking because i cant just show up at end of august face-to-face. But how would I even get her to want me to come visit after shes hurt and apparently 'at ease' according to friends given how stressful the end of our relationship was? I think we're both in this stalemate of no-contact because although she broke up with me first, I rejected her comeback the next day, so theres no reason for her to contact me again as she was hurt by what I said when she wanted to come back to me. Im just totally lost given that the long-distance is crippling the normal flow of your advice/articles.
Ive read all your articles- I just need some concrete steps given my complicated situation.
THANK YOU. REALLY- THANK YOU. ADVICE APPRECIATED>
I am getting ready to write the letter. It's been 3 months no contact. Quick question. I was gonna write the letter on a letterhead from a resort we went to on vacation when times were good. Do u think this is a good idea? Or should I just write it on normal paper?
HI everyone! so, I went on enotalone.com as kevin suggested in his absent letter and the people on that site are all like 'harden the f*** up and move on!' lol, some of the replies made me tear up but it was like a reality check too... And they told me off for not being independent myself so that I've also contributed to the failure of my relationship and that my ex has issues! although I've said he's depressed and much in pain he can't think straight, it didn't matter cos at the end of the day, whatever the reason was we did break up and 'he' broke up with me and I accepted the plane ticket to leave :( ... I feel so weak and scared of the world a lot of times especially cos I've had many years of traumatic life before this relationship and I think my ex gave me bit of confidence in myself. But if you need advice or more like someone telling you how it is visit the website until Kevin comes back... but truth is, this is a great website here cos Kevin gives great advice and doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. However, I feel like I can accept my breakup and move on, the feedback I got from enotalone had that effect on me (sadly :( ...) lol
Hi Rihanna
I just checked out this website too and noticed the same thing with a lot of comments. It seems to me people were coming to that site with very genuine situations and seeking help and the comments were from the same 2 -3 people with the same message. "Its over, stop believing you will get your ex back and move on with life as you are being pathetic". Honestly I doubt how sincere these people are. From those responses I would guess that chances are they have gone through a messy breakup and didn’t get back their ex, therefore they have used their disappointment to come to the conclusion that if I didn’t get back with my ex, no one else can and that is the message I’m going to preach. I read your thread (If you use the same forum name as here) and felt some of the criticism you got was totally unfair and I felt like it came from some very bitter people. I may be wrong of course, but that was the impression I got.
There was a couple of threads I liked there, the one about stories of people getting back with their ex, but even that was getting derailed by people who are saying don’t bother, your ex has left and there is nothing you can do to win him/her back. I personally don’t believe this and it goes completely against what Kevin teaches here who does teach us with a plan in place we can increase the chances of getting back with our ex. Keep your chin up and ignore 90% of what those people have said and stick with Kevin’s plan
Thank you Steve. Yes, this site is far the best and can't wait for Kevin's return. However, I feel strong now without my ex and I can see how immature and 'not' ready to be in a relationship he is but then again, I have lots to work on myself too. Thank you for your comment and I hope my forum there didn't taint my image in any way.
Good luck to you also.
Thank you Steve. Yes, this site is far the best and can't wait for Kevin's return. However, I feel strong now without my ex and I can see how immature and 'not' ready to be in a relationship he is but then again, I have lots to work on myself too. Thank you for your comment and I hope my forum there didn't taint my image in any way.
Good luck to you also.
Thank you Steve. Yes, this site is far the best and can't wait for Kevin's return. However, I feel strong now without my ex and I can see how immature and 'not' ready to be in a relationship he is but then again, I have lots to work on myself too. Thank you for your comment and I hope my forum there didn't taint my image in any way.
Good luck to you also.
Rihanna,
I have also visited a lot of sites. Most of them say that move on is the best because you will never forget that once you broke apart. Maybe that is true. They say that statistically re-unification is tough and more fragile. Well, I have a friend who was dumped by his girlfriend but the reconciled after two months or so and they are now married. Maybe seeing such cases is the only motivation for me to still hold on. Though other part of me who has read all those stuff asks me to move on.
About Kevin's methodology, he wants you to make them want you back. In short, it will mostly work if the one who broke up ask for reconciliation.
Hi Dara
I cant help feel I'm in the same boat as you and agree with you are saying with one part of me having motivation to hold on and keep believing and the other part of me is telling me move on. It is a tough place to be in
I have a similar 'get back together" story and hopefully this will encourage others also. In 2010 I was flatting with my best friend when his girlfriend of a year broke up with him. They were planning on moving in together in another apartment. He was 28 and she 26 at the time. I watched him go through the first couple of weeks of begging her to come back then having a period of 3 months of no contact with lots of nights of crying and drinking on the couch. During this time he joined the local theatre group and had a support role in a play. During the 2 weeks of live performance he reached out to her and invited her with some other friends to come and watch him, which she did. I remember how happy he was at the time as he still had very strong feeling for her. Outwardly he played it very cool when he was around her and for the next 4 months he gave the appearance of being just a friend and hanging out with her and others in social settings. He even went on a date with another girl, but that only last 2 dates as he couldn’t stop thinking about his ex.
One night a group of us went to the movies and she didn’t have a ride home as she had come with another friend. So my friend offered to take her home. I ended heading out to a bar with some other friends to play some pool and watch some sports. When I got back to the apartment, I noticed he was already home in his bedroom. So I knocked on his door to see how it went and got a muffled response, so I went into the bedroom and whoops they were both there in bed. The next morning we had a good laugh about it. Two years ago I had the honour of being his best man at their wedding and they just recently had their first baby and are very much still in love. The moral of this story is that my friend the entire time wanted her back and took steps to ensure that he would appear attractive to his ex again and it worked. For this reason alone I believe it is possible to get back with your ex and that why I like Kevin’s plan.
One day I hope that I will be able to tell a similar story with my ex
Hi Steve,
I have read most of you comments till now. Yes, we are in the same boat. Many of my friends are married and most of them are now in serious jobs. So, really not many people to hangout with. I also drink alone at nights but I make sure that I don't listen to music or songs that would remind me of her.
I also believe that nothing is impossible. I also agree that most of the break ups happened because it was simply inevitable due to some existing bad chemicals in that relationship but we can eliminate bad ones and insert good ones by working on it just like what your friend or mine did.
The fact is that my situation is not as rosy as my friend's was. So for now, I simply work on myself to be a more attractive guy for my ex or any other girl. By the way, its great to hear that you run. Keep it up!
Good luck man!
Hi Steve,
I have read most of you comments till now. Yes, we are in the same boat. Many of my friends are married and most of them are now in serious jobs. So, really not many people to hangout with. I also drink alone at nights but I make sure that I don't listen to music or songs that would remind me of her.
I also believe that nothing is impossible. I also agree that most of the break ups happened because it was simply inevitable due to some existing bad chemicals in that relationship but we can eliminate bad ones and insert good ones by working on it just like what your friend or mine did.
The fact is that my situation is not as rosy as my friend's was. So for now, I simply work on myself to be a more attractive guy for my ex or any other girl. By the way, its great to hear that you run. Keep it up!
Good luck man!
Hi Steve,
I have read most of you comments till now. Yes, we are in the same boat. Many of my friends are married and most of them are now in serious jobs. So, really not many people to hangout with. I also drink alone at nights but I make sure that I don't listen to music or songs that would remind me of her.
I also believe that nothing is impossible. I also agree that most of the break ups happened because it was simply inevitable due to some existing bad chemicals in that relationship but we can eliminate bad ones and insert good ones by working on it just like what your friend or mine did.
The fact is that my situation is not as rosy as my friend's was. So for now, I simply work on myself to be a more attractive guy for my ex or any other girl. By the way, its great to hear that you run. Keep it up!
Good luck man!
Hi Steve,
I have read most of you comments till now. Yes, we are in the same boat. Many of my friends are married and most of them are now in serious jobs. So, really not many people to hangout with. I also drink alone at nights but I make sure that I don't listen to music or songs that would remind me of her.
I also believe that nothing is impossible. I also agree that most of the break ups happened because it was simply inevitable due to some existing bad chemicals in that relationship but we can eliminate bad ones and insert good ones by working on it just like what your friend or mine did.
The fact is that my situation is not as rosy as my friend's was. So for now, I simply work on myself to be a more attractive guy for my ex or any other girl. By the way, its great to hear that you run. Keep it up!
Good luck man!
Hey, I just deleted all the messages between me and my ex and I regret it a little :( it was a moment where I was 100% sure ready to remove him from my life cos though there are feelings between us the relationship is illogical. He has no secured job, no money, no home hence, no future. Am I right? then I starting to think about the future plan we had together but he's not even communicating with me so why am I even thinking about plans with him still? Sometimes I wonder what's the difference between love and lust? did I 'love' him, or was the idea of him and 'us' me being a poet and him an artist too romantic to pass up even if it lasted a while but in the end it did last. The enotalone people were right with one thing, it doesn't matt?er if he's sick, or depressed, or I'm away or sick, or whatever the reason behind the break up, the break up did happen and we both gave in to it too easily. So where's that deep connection, can't live without you love we talked about during our relationship? On the other hand, my previous ex has been chasing me, he's changed his looks cos he let himself go during our relationship and I'm missing him don't know why, maybe loneliness? Though I felt loneliest with him! Anyway, looks like I'm so confused if I were reading this message randomly I'd say "Stop being selfish and get a life!" I feel guilty, emotional and selfish. I want to move back to the city but I'm afraid that every wonderful memory of me and my ex would haunt me everywhere! We went from Bliss (big time!) throughout the entire 10 month relationship to see you later we can't be together... I'm very confused and really don't know what to do next! I'm changing everything about my life against my will in order to move on...
Rihanna, its sad to hear all those. Before our break up I kind of could guess that we are going to breakup. She would ignore most of my messages or hardly reply any. I searched some sites on how to handle break up. They said, do not keep their memories close to you until you have completely moved on. One of her clothes were in my room! As soon as I got her email on suggesting the break up, I threw it into the dumpster. Deleting those messages was for your best Rihanna.
Rihanna, its sad to hear all those. Before our break up I kind of could guess that we are going to breakup. She would ignore most of my messages or hardly reply any. I searched some sites on how to handle break up. They said, do not keep their memories close to you until you have completely moved on. One of her clothes were in my room! As soon as I got her email on suggesting the break up, I threw it into the dumpster. Deleting those messages was for your best Rihanna.
Rihanna, its sad to hear all those. Before our break up I kind of could guess that we are going to breakup. She would ignore most of my messages or hardly reply any. I searched some sites on how to handle break up. They said, do not keep their memories close to you until you have completely moved on. One of her clothes were in my room! As soon as I got her email on suggesting the break up, I threw it into the dumpster. Deleting those messages was for your best Rihanna.
Rihanna, its sad to hear all those. Before our break up I kind of could guess that we are going to breakup. She would ignore most of my messages or hardly reply any. I searched some sites on how to handle break up. They said, do not keep their memories close to you until you have completely moved on. One of her clothes were in my room! As soon as I got her email on suggesting the break up, I threw it into the dumpster. Deleting those messages was for your best Rihanna.
Hi Dara
I cant help feel I'm in the same boat as you and agree with you are saying with one part of me having motivation to hold on and keep believing and the other part of me is telling me move on. It is a tough place to be in
I have a similar 'get back together" story and hopefully this will encourage others also. In 2010 I was flatting with my best friend when his girlfriend of a year broke up with him. They were planning on moving in together in another apartment. He was 28 and she 26 at the time. I watched him go through the first couple of weeks of begging her to come back then having a period of 3 months of no contact with lots of nights of crying and drinking on the couch. During this time he joined the local theatre group and had a support role in a play. During the 2 weeks of live performance he reached out to her and invited her with some other friends to come and watch him, which she did. I remember how happy he was at the time as he still had very strong feeling for her. Outwardly he played it very cool when he was around her and for the next 4 months he gave the appearance of being just a friend and hanging out with her and others in social settings. He even went on a date with another girl, but that only last 2 dates as he couldn’t stop thinking about his ex.
One night a group of us went to the movies and she didn’t have a ride home as she had come with another friend. So my friend offered to take her home. I ended heading out to a bar with some other friends to play some pool and watch some sports. When I got back to the apartment, I noticed he was already home in his bedroom. So I knocked on his door to see how it went and got a muffled response, so I went into the bedroom and whoops they were both there in bed. The next morning we had a good laugh about it. Two years ago I had the honour of being his best man at their wedding and they just recently had their first baby and are very much still in love. The moral of this story is that my friend the entire time wanted her back and took steps to ensure that he would appear attractive to his ex again and it worked. For this reason alone I believe it is possible to get back with your ex and that why I like Kevin’s plan.
One day I hope that I will be able to tell a similar story with my ex
Hey, I just deleted all the messages between me and my ex and I regret it a little :( it was a moment where I was 100% sure ready to remove him from my life cos though there are feelings between us the relationship is illogical. He has no secured job, no money, no home hence, no future. Am I right? then I starting to think about the future plan we had together but he's not even communicating with me so why am I even thinking about plans with him still? Sometimes I wonder what's the difference between love and lust? did I 'love' him, or was the idea of him and 'us' me being a poet and him an artist too romantic to pass up even if it lasted a while but in the end it did last. The enotalone people were right with one thing, it doesn't matt?er if he's sick, or depressed, or I'm away or sick, or whatever the reason behind the break up, the break up did happen and we both gave in to it too easily. So where's that deep connection, can't live without you love we talked about during our relationship? On the other hand, my previous ex has been chasing me, he's changed his looks cos he let himself go during our relationship and I'm missing him don't know why, maybe loneliness? Though I felt loneliest with him! Anyway, looks like I'm so confused if I were reading this message randomly I'd say "Stop being selfish and get a life!" I feel guilty, emotional and selfish. I want to move back to the city but I'm afraid that every wonderful memory of me and my ex would haunt me everywhere! We went from Bliss (big time!) throughout the entire 10 month relationship to see you later we can't be together... I'm very confused and really don't know what to do next! I'm changing everything about my life against my will in order to move on...
Hi Dara
I cant help feel I'm in the same boat as you and agree with you are saying with one part of me having motivation to hold on and keep believing and the other part of me is telling me move on. It is a tough place to be in
I have a similar 'get back together" story and hopefully this will encourage others also. In 2010 I was flatting with my best friend when his girlfriend of a year broke up with him. They were planning on moving in together in another apartment. He was 28 and she 26 at the time. I watched him go through the first couple of weeks of begging her to come back then having a period of 3 months of no contact with lots of nights of crying and drinking on the couch. During this time he joined the local theatre group and had a support role in a play. During the 2 weeks of live performance he reached out to her and invited her with some other friends to come and watch him, which she did. I remember how happy he was at the time as he still had very strong feeling for her. Outwardly he played it very cool when he was around her and for the next 4 months he gave the appearance of being just a friend and hanging out with her and others in social settings. He even went on a date with another girl, but that only last 2 dates as he couldn’t stop thinking about his ex.
One night a group of us went to the movies and she didn’t have a ride home as she had come with another friend. So my friend offered to take her home. I ended heading out to a bar with some other friends to play some pool and watch some sports. When I got back to the apartment, I noticed he was already home in his bedroom. So I knocked on his door to see how it went and got a muffled response, so I went into the bedroom and whoops they were both there in bed. The next morning we had a good laugh about it. Two years ago I had the honour of being his best man at their wedding and they just recently had their first baby and are very much still in love. The moral of this story is that my friend the entire time wanted her back and took steps to ensure that he would appear attractive to his ex again and it worked. For this reason alone I believe it is possible to get back with your ex and that why I like Kevin’s plan.
One day I hope that I will be able to tell a similar story with my ex
Hey, I just deleted all the messages between me and my ex and I regret it a little :( it was a moment where I was 100% sure ready to remove him from my life cos though there are feelings between us the relationship is illogical. He has no secured job, no money, no home hence, no future. Am I right? then I starting to think about the future plan we had together but he's not even communicating with me so why am I even thinking about plans with him still? Sometimes I wonder what's the difference between love and lust? did I 'love' him, or was the idea of him and 'us' me being a poet and him an artist too romantic to pass up even if it lasted a while but in the end it did last. The enotalone people were right with one thing, it doesn't matt?er if he's sick, or depressed, or I'm away or sick, or whatever the reason behind the break up, the break up did happen and we both gave in to it too easily. So where's that deep connection, can't live without you love we talked about during our relationship? On the other hand, my previous ex has been chasing me, he's changed his looks cos he let himself go during our relationship and I'm missing him don't know why, maybe loneliness? Though I felt loneliest with him! Anyway, looks like I'm so confused if I were reading this message randomly I'd say "Stop being selfish and get a life!" I feel guilty, emotional and selfish. I want to move back to the city but I'm afraid that every wonderful memory of me and my ex would haunt me everywhere! We went from Bliss (big time!) throughout the entire 10 month relationship to see you later we can't be together... I'm very confused and really don't know what to do next! I'm changing everything about my life against my will in order to move on...
Hi Rihanna
I just checked out this website too and noticed the same thing with a lot of comments. It seems to me people were coming to that site with very genuine situations and seeking help and the comments were from the same 2 -3 people with the same message. "Its over, stop believing you will get your ex back and move on with life as you are being pathetic". Honestly I doubt how sincere these people are. From those responses I would guess that chances are they have gone through a messy breakup and didn’t get back their ex, therefore they have used their disappointment to come to the conclusion that if I didn’t get back with my ex, no one else can and that is the message I’m going to preach. I read your thread (If you use the same forum name as here) and felt some of the criticism you got was totally unfair and I felt like it came from some very bitter people. I may be wrong of course, but that was the impression I got.
There was a couple of threads I liked there, the one about stories of people getting back with their ex, but even that was getting derailed by people who are saying don’t bother, your ex has left and there is nothing you can do to win him/her back. I personally don’t believe this and it goes completely against what Kevin teaches here who does teach us with a plan in place we can increase the chances of getting back with our ex. Keep your chin up and ignore 90% of what those people have said and stick with Kevin’s plan
Rihanna,
I have also visited a lot of sites. Most of them say that move on is the best because you will never forget that once you broke apart. Maybe that is true. They say that statistically re-unification is tough and more fragile. Well, I have a friend who was dumped by his girlfriend but the reconciled after two months or so and they are now married. Maybe seeing such cases is the only motivation for me to still hold on. Though other part of me who has read all those stuff asks me to move on.
About Kevin's methodology, he wants you to make them want you back. In short, it will mostly work if the one who broke up ask for reconciliation.
I inadvertently did all of these things. It was a bad breakup ..dated for 2 years...took me 9 months not to think about him daily. We stayed broken up for almost FIVE years. I sent him a text and we went for drinks in January. Low and behold HE Wanted ME back..and I didn't want him. I'm fact he texted me the not day and said "looking back I wish we woulda worked out" n I said " everything happens for a reason at least we can be friends now" well.....we had sex on that reuniting date ( probably why he realized he wished it would have worked out) and fast forward 5 months I AM BACK IN THE SAME place I was 5 years ago, he pulled all his old tricks and now I'm heartbroken and have to go through the break up AGAIN . SECOND CHANCES Are like giving your ex a bullet because they missed you the first time.boo:( this sucks.
Hello everyone, yes it's me again! Well, I'm writing to share that no matter how hard I try to forget my ex something comes up and I'm at square one :( ... Few perfumes remind me of him in the most endearing way, like Jimmy Choo reminds me of the first time we went out together (best time of my life) then, Desire reminds me of a first night in town together (Best night of my life) and other scents as well so, what am i supposed to do? Not ever wear my favourite perfumes again? Every time I think it's over between us and that it may have been a romantic phase in our lives and it's past now something triggers a beautiful memory between us and I'm sad all over again :( ... Today, I'm all alone and much confused about the future and life in general, I may be stuck in the country for the next 12 months and I think that's making me most sad that I'm not sure which I miss most, the city or him?
Keep the things away for a while. I would suggest you not to come here till your no contact. Try not using phone and facebook or the intrnet or watching tv. Instead go out
Keep the things away for a while. I would suggest you not to come here till your no contact. Try not using phone and facebook or the intrne
Keep the things away for a while. I would suggest you not to come here till your no contact. Try not using phone and facebook or the intrnet or watching tv. Instead go out
Keep the things away for a while. I would suggest you not to come here till your no contact. Try not using phone and facebook or the intrne
Im feeling doen right now. I dont know why. I feel like i miss her so much. Maybe im not truly prepared to let her go. She doesnt even responded to my text after NC. I dont know whats on her mind. But still i try to focus on moving on and feeling great. Only then i can feel relieved. I just hope she has not shut down her communication to me. :(
Daniel,
It is just normal to feel a sudden change of heart. One time you are fine without her then you suddenly miss her. Scumbag heart and brain.
I am so eager and decided to move on but at times, i cant do it.I would like to slam myself hard for me to wake up but whenever I miss her, no amount of consolation or going/hanging out, seeing other people could console me.
I hope one day I will wake up without any memory of her. Just her. It would be a lot easier.
RAED,
You are right! We should hope that this situation get to normal as soon as possible. It will because it has been proven already to all including Kevin. I feel that it is getting better day by day.
Daniel,
My part which asks me to move on is getting stronger day by day. Its best argument is that my ex used to play mind games on me. I already know it. Even Kevin in one of his comments said that she is trying to win the breakup. This means that she is not done with her mind games even after the breakup.
There is one thing that I didn't mention on this site. I felt terribly bad when she started ignoring my calls/texts. I also felt terribly bad just one week after the breakup. I was mad at everything, but now I'm almost fine! I come here because from kevin's comments I learn things. I also learn things from other's experiences. They will help me in other relationships. Well, by now we all know that limited NC or NC or not showing neediness is a steering wheel if we find some issues in our next relationship. This is what I want to learn. I also love chatting with you guys.
Hope to hear more from you guys.
Dara,
Hey, we are on the same boat! Even after the breakup my ex still plays her mind games with me. One time she's sweet, the other time she will be cold. For a month it has been like that and I am adjusting and allowing it to happen just because I want her back.
But one day I got tired because come on, I deserve better than these silly mind games of her. I got fed up and tired. She's trying to sin the breakup by being hot and cold and I won't allow that to happen.
She had gotten ahead than me when she broke us up and I won't allow her to get even again by me tolerating her mind games. It will be hard for me as well but this time I won't allow her to get even by using me.
RAED,
What I have learnt recently is that if you play it cool, their mind games will backfire on them. Imagine they spend time to rent a stadium to play mind games with you. If you don't take part in it, the very least thing they will lose is the time they spent for renting the stadium.
I believe this NC has stronger effects on those who play mind games. They are waiting for you to play the final round but you are not there. I like it man!
RAED,
What I have learnt recently is that if you play it cool, their mind games will backfire on them. Imagine they spend time to rent a stadium to play mind games with you. If you don't take part in it, the very least thing they will lose is the time they spent for renting the stadium.
I believe this NC has stronger effects on those who play mind games. They are waiting for you to play the final round but you are not there. I like it man!
RAED,
What I have learnt recently is that if you play it cool, their mind games will backfire on them. Imagine they spend time to rent a stadium to play mind games with you. If you don't take part in it, the very least thing they will lose is the time they spent for renting the stadium.
I believe this NC has stronger effects on those who play mind games. They are waiting for you to play the final round but you are not there. I like it man!
RAED,
What I have learnt recently is that if you play it cool, their mind games will backfire on them. Imagine they spend time to rent a stadium to play mind games with you. If you don't take part in it, the very least thing they will lose is the time they spent for renting the stadium.
I believe this NC has stronger effects on those who play mind games. They are waiting for you to play the final round but you are not there. I like it man!
RAED,
What I have learnt recently is that if you play it cool, their mind games will backfire on them. Imagine they spend time to rent a stadium to play mind games with you. If you don't take part in it, the very least thing they will lose is the time they spent for renting the stadium.
I believe this NC has stronger effects on those who play mind games. They are waiting for you to play the final round but you are not there. I like it man!
Dara, i also want to learn new things here and apply it to my next relationship may it be with my ex or not so i wont mess up again. I am also at the point of moving on but there is still a partnof me thats holding on to her. Honestly, i hate it because it gives me pain. Im not aiming to get my ex anymore. I just want to feel better.
Daniel,
Comparison of theory and real application is really tough. I give you an example: I say that my move on is getting stronger and stronger every day. Well, lets assume that I see her kissing a guy. I will feel terribly bad at least at that moment.
This psychological issues are really hard to understand. The worst thing with us is that our brain is divided into parts. Who knows, maybe because of just an incident the one that is really weak now become the strongest! That sucks about our situation now! Yes, my friend!
Daniel,
Comparison of theory and real application is really tough. I give you an example: I say that my move on is getting stronger and stronger every day. Well, lets assume that I see her kissing a guy. I will feel terribly bad at least at that moment.
This psychological issues are really hard to understand. The worst thing with us is that our brain is divided into parts. Who knows, maybe because of just an incident the one that is really weak now become the strongest! That sucks about our situation now! Yes, my friend!
Daniel,
Comparison of theory and real application is really tough. I give you an example: I say that my move on is getting stronger and stronger every day. Well, lets assume that I see her kissing a guy. I will feel terribly bad at least at that moment.
This psychological issues are really hard to understand. The worst thing with us is that our brain is divided into parts. Who knows, maybe because of just an incident the one that is really weak now become the strongest! That sucks about our situation now! Yes, my friend!
Daniel,
Comparison of theory and real application is really tough. I give you an example: I say that my move on is getting stronger and stronger every day. Well, lets assume that I see her kissing a guy. I will feel terribly bad at least at that moment.
This psychological issues are really hard to understand. The worst thing with us is that our brain is divided into parts. Who knows, maybe because of just an incident the one that is really weak now become the strongest! That sucks about our situation now! Yes, my friend!
Daniel,
Comparison of theory and real application is really tough. I give you an example: I say that my move on is getting stronger and stronger every day. Well, lets assume that I see her kissing a guy. I will feel terribly bad at least at that moment.
This psychological issues are really hard to understand. The worst thing with us is that our brain is divided into parts. Who knows, maybe because of just an incident the one that is really weak now become the strongest! That sucks about our situation now! Yes, my friend!
Dara,
Hey, we are on the same boat! Even after the breakup my ex still plays her mind games with me. One time she's sweet, the other time she will be cold. For a month it has been like that and I am adjusting and allowing it to happen just because I want her back.
But one day I got tired because come on, I deserve better than these silly mind games of her. I got fed up and tired. She's trying to sin the breakup by being hot and cold and I won't allow that to happen.
She had gotten ahead than me when she broke us up and I won't allow her to get even again by me tolerating her mind games. It will be hard for me as well but this time I won't allow her to get even by using me.
Dara, i also want to learn new things here and apply it to my next relationship may it be with my ex or not so i wont mess up again. I am also at the point of moving on but there is still a partnof me thats holding on to her. Honestly, i hate it because it gives me pain. Im not aiming to get my ex anymore. I just want to feel better.
Dara,
Hey, we are on the same boat! Even after the breakup my ex still plays her mind games with me. One time she's sweet, the other time she will be cold. For a month it has been like that and I am adjusting and allowing it to happen just because I want her back.
But one day I got tired because come on, I deserve better than these silly mind games of her. I got fed up and tired. She's trying to sin the breakup by being hot and cold and I won't allow that to happen.
She had gotten ahead than me when she broke us up and I won't allow her to get even again by me tolerating her mind games. It will be hard for me as well but this time I won't allow her to get even by using me.
Dara, i also want to learn new things here and apply it to my next relationship may it be with my ex or not so i wont mess up again. I am also at the point of moving on but there is still a partnof me thats holding on to her. Honestly, i hate it because it gives me pain. Im not aiming to get my ex anymore. I just want to feel better.
Dara,
Hey, we are on the same boat! Even after the breakup my ex still plays her mind games with me. One time she's sweet, the other time she will be cold. For a month it has been like that and I am adjusting and allowing it to happen just because I want her back.
But one day I got tired because come on, I deserve better than these silly mind games of her. I got fed up and tired. She's trying to sin the breakup by being hot and cold and I won't allow that to happen.
She had gotten ahead than me when she broke us up and I won't allow her to get even again by me tolerating her mind games. It will be hard for me as well but this time I won't allow her to get even by using me.
Dara, i also want to learn new things here and apply it to my next relationship may it be with my ex or not so i wont mess up again. I am also at the point of moving on but there is still a partnof me thats holding on to her. Honestly, i hate it because it gives me pain. Im not aiming to get my ex anymore. I just want to feel better.
Hey guys
I can so totally relate with you both and I feel I am on the same page. Some days like yesterday I'm fine and optimistic that things are going to work out, then I get days like today where I miss her like crazy and get depressed. I have this general sense that its not going to work out and its over and the best thing is to stop being in a funk and move on. Easier said then done and it does cause a lot of stress.
Then you get speed bumps that cause you wobble. Last couple of days I had been trying to organise to something for this weekend, even if it was just going to a movie or watching some World Cup football somewhere. I just wanted to get out of my house for an evening. I asked 4 different friends and got no from them all. One had a genuine excuse, but the other 3 were all vague with there replies and I was like WTF... until I found out my ex has organised a party for Saturday night and they are all going to it. So that was blow to me when I feel I need a bit of support just to get back on my feet. Guess that what happens when you have one person who is appearing happy and motivated and the other person is appearing down and emotional, who do you want to hang out with? I know Kevin talks about the importance of appearance happy and confident. Once again easy said then done.
That's what I love about this website, its so encouraging coming here and finding I'm not the only person who is struggling with their emotions and getting their lives back on track
P.S. Also should submit to Kevin when he gets back the idea of designing a proper forum for discussion as it gets really hard to track all the conversations here as they can be all over the place and after going to the Enotalone forum, which I like the layout. I couldn't handle the people telling me I'm pathetic and get over your ex every second minute like they seem too there
Hey Steve
I have been reading your story! It really sucks! It really sucks when you see people chose between you and your ex.
Today, I text messaged one of her best friends to whom I owed some money to for the party we celebrated for my ex's Bday to clear it. Her reply was strangely rough and unfriendly. My guess is that my ex has filled her with negative things about me. Well, this means that my chances are lesser than what I thought.
I truly don't regret, but when my ex wrote me an email asking for breakup, I got mad at her and mentioned all her mean behaviors towards me. Well, those emails were sarcastic ones. It was the doormat which finally exploded out of pressure. I'm pretty sure that those emails made her a lot angry about me and must have talk it to her friends.
I like this chat among us. I cannot talk to guys outside about my feelings but I find people here who understand me as we have the problem.
Thank you guys: Daniel, Steve, Raed, Rihanna and others
Guys,
I wish we find happiness as soon as possibe. May it be with pur exes or not. I just want our pain to go away. We all share the same feeling. It hurts when u feel good and better then suddenly something about her pops up and brings you down again. This is so hard i just wish i forget our memories together. :(
Hey guys,
The only thing I am posituve about going here is that I tend to make friends. No matter were all anonymous to each other, we carry the same feels, same problem. This is like a support group, really.
I know how hard it is. It is like your mind and heart playing tricks on you once you get better.
Just like Rihanna's, it is also my first time to be not in a relationship. I mean, I only had 2 girlfriends but eversince college I've been in a relationship so somehow they have become a part of my system, a part of my growing up.
Whenever I feel like I will be doing dumb things like wanting to text her and beg again, I go here. I type how I feel and after it I somehow feel good knowing I have friends here who share the same sentiment as mine.
I suggest during those random down times, we acknowledge the feeling. Acknowledge the hurt and pain. Just like what Daniel suggest, you can cry. Anytime. It helps you release the pain as well until you'll no longer feel hurt.
For all of us here, I am hoping one day we will suddenly wake up being a lot better. Not thinking about them but finally seeing that everything happens for a reason and somehow this breakup is a disguised blessing just as the day we woke up and we suddenly love them and as fast as the day when they choose to leave us.
I pray for all of us.
Guys,
I wish we find happiness as soon as possibe. May it be with pur exes or not. I just want our pain to go away. We all share the same feeling. It hurts when u feel good and better then suddenly something about her pops up and brings you down again. This is so hard i just wish i forget our memories together. :(
Hey guys,
The only thing I am posituve about going here is that I tend to make friends. No matter were all anonymous to each other, we carry the same feels, same problem. This is like a support group, really.
I know how hard it is. It is like your mind and heart playing tricks on you once you get better.
Just like Rihanna's, it is also my first time to be not in a relationship. I mean, I only had 2 girlfriends but eversince college I've been in a relationship so somehow they have become a part of my system, a part of my growing up.
Whenever I feel like I will be doing dumb things like wanting to text her and beg again, I go here. I type how I feel and after it I somehow feel good knowing I have friends here who share the same sentiment as mine.
I suggest during those random down times, we acknowledge the feeling. Acknowledge the hurt and pain. Just like what Daniel suggest, you can cry. Anytime. It helps you release the pain as well until you'll no longer feel hurt.
For all of us here, I am hoping one day we will suddenly wake up being a lot better. Not thinking about them but finally seeing that everything happens for a reason and somehow this breakup is a disguised blessing just as the day we woke up and we suddenly love them and as fast as the day when they choose to leave us.
I pray for all of us.
Guys,
I wish we find happiness as soon as possibe. May it be with pur exes or not. I just want our pain to go away. We all share the same feeling. It hurts when u feel good and better then suddenly something about her pops up and brings you down again. This is so hard i just wish i forget our memories together. :(
Hey guys,
The only thing I am posituve about going here is that I tend to make friends. No matter were all anonymous to each other, we carry the same feels, same problem. This is like a support group, really.
I know how hard it is. It is like your mind and heart playing tricks on you once you get better.
Just like Rihanna's, it is also my first time to be not in a relationship. I mean, I only had 2 girlfriends but eversince college I've been in a relationship so somehow they have become a part of my system, a part of my growing up.
Whenever I feel like I will be doing dumb things like wanting to text her and beg again, I go here. I type how I feel and after it I somehow feel good knowing I have friends here who share the same sentiment as mine.
I suggest during those random down times, we acknowledge the feeling. Acknowledge the hurt and pain. Just like what Daniel suggest, you can cry. Anytime. It helps you release the pain as well until you'll no longer feel hurt.
For all of us here, I am hoping one day we will suddenly wake up being a lot better. Not thinking about them but finally seeing that everything happens for a reason and somehow this breakup is a disguised blessing just as the day we woke up and we suddenly love them and as fast as the day when they choose to leave us.
I pray for all of us.
Guys,
I wish we find happiness as soon as possibe. May it be with pur exes or not. I just want our pain to go away. We all share the same feeling. It hurts when u feel good and better then suddenly something about her pops up and brings you down again. This is so hard i just wish i forget our memories together. :(
Hey guys,
The only thing I am posituve about going here is that I tend to make friends. No matter were all anonymous to each other, we carry the same feels, same problem. This is like a support group, really.
I know how hard it is. It is like your mind and heart playing tricks on you once you get better.
Just like Rihanna's, it is also my first time to be not in a relationship. I mean, I only had 2 girlfriends but eversince college I've been in a relationship so somehow they have become a part of my system, a part of my growing up.
Whenever I feel like I will be doing dumb things like wanting to text her and beg again, I go here. I type how I feel and after it I somehow feel good knowing I have friends here who share the same sentiment as mine.
I suggest during those random down times, we acknowledge the feeling. Acknowledge the hurt and pain. Just like what Daniel suggest, you can cry. Anytime. It helps you release the pain as well until you'll no longer feel hurt.
For all of us here, I am hoping one day we will suddenly wake up being a lot better. Not thinking about them but finally seeing that everything happens for a reason and somehow this breakup is a disguised blessing just as the day we woke up and we suddenly love them and as fast as the day when they choose to leave us.
I pray for all of us.
Guys,
I wish we find happiness as soon as possibe. May it be with pur exes or not. I just want our pain to go away. We all share the same feeling. It hurts when u feel good and better then suddenly something about her pops up and brings you down again. This is so hard i just wish i forget our memories together. :(
Hey guys,
The only thing I am posituve about going here is that I tend to make friends. No matter were all anonymous to each other, we carry the same feels, same problem. This is like a support group, really.
I know how hard it is. It is like your mind and heart playing tricks on you once you get better.
Just like Rihanna's, it is also my first time to be not in a relationship. I mean, I only had 2 girlfriends but eversince college I've been in a relationship so somehow they have become a part of my system, a part of my growing up.
Whenever I feel like I will be doing dumb things like wanting to text her and beg again, I go here. I type how I feel and after it I somehow feel good knowing I have friends here who share the same sentiment as mine.
I suggest during those random down times, we acknowledge the feeling. Acknowledge the hurt and pain. Just like what Daniel suggest, you can cry. Anytime. It helps you release the pain as well until you'll no longer feel hurt.
For all of us here, I am hoping one day we will suddenly wake up being a lot better. Not thinking about them but finally seeing that everything happens for a reason and somehow this breakup is a disguised blessing just as the day we woke up and we suddenly love them and as fast as the day when they choose to leave us.
I pray for all of us.
Hey Steve
I have been reading your story! It really sucks! It really sucks when you see people chose between you and your ex.
Today, I text messaged one of her best friends to whom I owed some money to for the party we celebrated for my ex's Bday to clear it. Her reply was strangely rough and unfriendly. My guess is that my ex has filled her with negative things about me. Well, this means that my chances are lesser than what I thought.
I truly don't regret, but when my ex wrote me an email asking for breakup, I got mad at her and mentioned all her mean behaviors towards me. Well, those emails were sarcastic ones. It was the doormat which finally exploded out of pressure. I'm pretty sure that those emails made her a lot angry about me and must have talk it to her friends.
I like this chat among us. I cannot talk to guys outside about my feelings but I find people here who understand me as we have the problem.
Thank you guys: Daniel, Steve, Raed, Rihanna and others
Hey Steve
I have been reading your story! It really sucks! It really sucks when you see people chose between you and your ex.
Today, I text messaged one of her best friends to whom I owed some money to for the party we celebrated for my ex's Bday to clear it. Her reply was strangely rough and unfriendly. My guess is that my ex has filled her with negative things about me. Well, this means that my chances are lesser than what I thought.
I truly don't regret, but when my ex wrote me an email asking for breakup, I got mad at her and mentioned all her mean behaviors towards me. Well, those emails were sarcastic ones. It was the doormat which finally exploded out of pressure. I'm pretty sure that those emails made her a lot angry about me and must have talk it to her friends.
I like this chat among us. I cannot talk to guys outside about my feelings but I find people here who understand me as we have the problem.
Thank you guys: Daniel, Steve, Raed, Rihanna and others
Hey Steve
I have been reading your story! It really sucks! It really sucks when you see people chose between you and your ex.
Today, I text messaged one of her best friends to whom I owed some money to for the party we celebrated for my ex's Bday to clear it. Her reply was strangely rough and unfriendly. My guess is that my ex has filled her with negative things about me. Well, this means that my chances are lesser than what I thought.
I truly don't regret, but when my ex wrote me an email asking for breakup, I got mad at her and mentioned all her mean behaviors towards me. Well, those emails were sarcastic ones. It was the doormat which finally exploded out of pressure. I'm pretty sure that those emails made her a lot angry about me and must have talk it to her friends.
I like this chat among us. I cannot talk to guys outside about my feelings but I find people here who understand me as we have the problem.
Thank you guys: Daniel, Steve, Raed, Rihanna and others
Rihanna,
I am glad to hear from you here! Thank you so much!! I hope to hear that you feel a lot better soon. Time heals!
Have a great day!
Dara
Dara,
Wow you really give a lot of effort. I also go to the gym but only 3x a week. I play basketball a lot. Hangout with friends and casual night outs with them. I hate mornings. Because when i wake up i always feel empty. I leave everything to fate now. If we are meant to be it will be. The sad part is i have a good relationship with her sister's family. It would be nice if we are still together. Thoug me visitng her sister does not affect me or make me miss her. Instead i feel relaxed there. I just hope everything is over. Im near there i know it. Just gotta be tough a little more. My advice, CRY! Cry a lot. As long as you can. Befor i was suppressing my tears or ot just wont fall because of intense loneliness. But try to release it. Listen to a sad song and let the tears flow. Trust me, it gives ypur chest a lift. You will feel better. Goodluck! Guys! I hope we can hangout but i think its impossible. Lol.
Dara,
Wow you really give a lot of effort. I also go to the gym but only 3x a week. I play basketball a lot. Hangout with friends and casual night outs with them. I hate mornings. Because when i wake up i always feel empty. I leave everything to fate now. If we are meant to be it will be. The sad part is i have a good relationship with her sister's family. It would be nice if we are still together. Thoug me visitng her sister does not affect me or make me miss her. Instead i feel relaxed there. I just hope everything is over. Im near there i know it. Just gotta be tough a little more. My advice, CRY! Cry a lot. As long as you can. Befor i was suppressing my tears or ot just wont fall because of intense loneliness. But try to release it. Listen to a sad song and let the tears flow. Trust me, it gives ypur chest a lift. You will feel better. Goodluck! Guys! I hope we can hangout but i think its impossible. Lol.
Dara,
Wow you really give a lot of effort. I also go to the gym but only 3x a week. I play basketball a lot. Hangout with friends and casual night outs with them. I hate mornings. Because when i wake up i always feel empty. I leave everything to fate now. If we are meant to be it will be. The sad part is i have a good relationship with her sister's family. It would be nice if we are still together. Thoug me visitng her sister does not affect me or make me miss her. Instead i feel relaxed there. I just hope everything is over. Im near there i know it. Just gotta be tough a little more. My advice, CRY! Cry a lot. As long as you can. Befor i was suppressing my tears or ot just wont fall because of intense loneliness. But try to release it. Listen to a sad song and let the tears flow. Trust me, it gives ypur chest a lift. You will feel better. Goodluck! Guys! I hope we can hangout but i think its impossible. Lol.
Dara,
Wow you really give a lot of effort. I also go to the gym but only 3x a week. I play basketball a lot. Hangout with friends and casual night outs with them. I hate mornings. Because when i wake up i always feel empty. I leave everything to fate now. If we are meant to be it will be. The sad part is i have a good relationship with her sister's family. It would be nice if we are still together. Thoug me visitng her sister does not affect me or make me miss her. Instead i feel relaxed there. I just hope everything is over. Im near there i know it. Just gotta be tough a little more. My advice, CRY! Cry a lot. As long as you can. Befor i was suppressing my tears or ot just wont fall because of intense loneliness. But try to release it. Listen to a sad song and let the tears flow. Trust me, it gives ypur chest a lift. You will feel better. Goodluck! Guys! I hope we can hangout but i think its impossible. Lol.
RAED,
You are right! We should hope that this situation get to normal as soon as possible. It will because it has been proven already to all including Kevin. I feel that it is getting better day by day.
Daniel,
My part which asks me to move on is getting stronger day by day. Its best argument is that my ex used to play mind games on me. I already know it. Even Kevin in one of his comments said that she is trying to win the breakup. This means that she is not done with her mind games even after the breakup.
There is one thing that I didn't mention on this site. I felt terribly bad when she started ignoring my calls/texts. I also felt terribly bad just one week after the breakup. I was mad at everything, but now I'm almost fine! I come here because from kevin's comments I learn things. I also learn things from other's experiences. They will help me in other relationships. Well, by now we all know that limited NC or NC or not showing neediness is a steering wheel if we find some issues in our next relationship. This is what I want to learn. I also love chatting with you guys.
Hope to hear more from you guys.
Hey guys
I can so totally relate with you both and I feel I am on the same page. Some days like yesterday I'm fine and optimistic that things are going to work out, then I get days like today where I miss her like crazy and get depressed. I have this general sense that its not going to work out and its over and the best thing is to stop being in a funk and move on. Easier said then done and it does cause a lot of stress.
Then you get speed bumps that cause you wobble. Last couple of days I had been trying to organise to something for this weekend, even if it was just going to a movie or watching some World Cup football somewhere. I just wanted to get out of my house for an evening. I asked 4 different friends and got no from them all. One had a genuine excuse, but the other 3 were all vague with there replies and I was like WTF... until I found out my ex has organised a party for Saturday night and they are all going to it. So that was blow to me when I feel I need a bit of support just to get back on my feet. Guess that what happens when you have one person who is appearing happy and motivated and the other person is appearing down and emotional, who do you want to hang out with? I know Kevin talks about the importance of appearance happy and confident. Once again easy said then done.
That's what I love about this website, its so encouraging coming here and finding I'm not the only person who is struggling with their emotions and getting their lives back on track
P.S. Also should submit to Kevin when he gets back the idea of designing a proper forum for discussion as it gets really hard to track all the conversations here as they can be all over the place and after going to the Enotalone forum, which I like the layout. I couldn't handle the people telling me I'm pathetic and get over your ex every second minute like they seem too there
Rihanna,
I am glad to hear from you here! Thank you so much!! I hope to hear that you feel a lot better soon. Time heals!
Have a great day!
Dara
RAED,
You are right! We should hope that this situation get to normal as soon as possible. It will because it has been proven already to all including Kevin. I feel that it is getting better day by day.
Daniel,
My part which asks me to move on is getting stronger day by day. Its best argument is that my ex used to play mind games on me. I already know it. Even Kevin in one of his comments said that she is trying to win the breakup. This means that she is not done with her mind games even after the breakup.
There is one thing that I didn't mention on this site. I felt terribly bad when she started ignoring my calls/texts. I also felt terribly bad just one week after the breakup. I was mad at everything, but now I'm almost fine! I come here because from kevin's comments I learn things. I also learn things from other's experiences. They will help me in other relationships. Well, by now we all know that limited NC or NC or not showing neediness is a steering wheel if we find some issues in our next relationship. This is what I want to learn. I also love chatting with you guys.
Hope to hear more from you guys.
Hey guys
I can so totally relate with you both and I feel I am on the same page. Some days like yesterday I'm fine and optimistic that things are going to work out, then I get days like today where I miss her like crazy and get depressed. I have this general sense that its not going to work out and its over and the best thing is to stop being in a funk and move on. Easier said then done and it does cause a lot of stress.
Then you get speed bumps that cause you wobble. Last couple of days I had been trying to organise to something for this weekend, even if it was just going to a movie or watching some World Cup football somewhere. I just wanted to get out of my house for an evening. I asked 4 different friends and got no from them all. One had a genuine excuse, but the other 3 were all vague with there replies and I was like WTF... until I found out my ex has organised a party for Saturday night and they are all going to it. So that was blow to me when I feel I need a bit of support just to get back on my feet. Guess that what happens when you have one person who is appearing happy and motivated and the other person is appearing down and emotional, who do you want to hang out with? I know Kevin talks about the importance of appearance happy and confident. Once again easy said then done.
That's what I love about this website, its so encouraging coming here and finding I'm not the only person who is struggling with their emotions and getting their lives back on track
P.S. Also should submit to Kevin when he gets back the idea of designing a proper forum for discussion as it gets really hard to track all the conversations here as they can be all over the place and after going to the Enotalone forum, which I like the layout. I couldn't handle the people telling me I'm pathetic and get over your ex every second minute like they seem too there
Rihanna,
I am glad to hear from you here! Thank you so much!! I hope to hear that you feel a lot better soon. Time heals!
Have a great day!
Dara
Hi Daniel,
I empathy with you! My ex girlfriend also did not respond to my mail and the text message. I was not sure that she has blocked me on her phone or gmail, so my mail was hand written. For some reasons, I also miss her more than those 30 days of NC. This should not overwhelm us! It makes us weak! I am aiming for 60th day now! I see her once in a while. If she acts grumpy again, I will look for 90th day and then move in unavoidable. Good luck Daniel! Cheers!!
Dara, hey im glad your attitude is like that. I feel like i dont have the strength anymore. Im considering giving up on her and truly move on. Idk when she will accept my attempts to communicate and its very stressful. Thanks man i envy you. But i will also do my best as long as i can.
Daniel,
It's nice to hear that you have made your decision. I believe most of the people you find here on this site are the ones who care for relationships. Really nicer ones. Anyway, every site you go, 'move on' is the main recommendation.
Its has become stressful for me as well. By now my mind is divided into different part; one part is asking me to wait for her, the other part is looking for someone new and the other tells me to enjoy being single. All these parts have strong arguments.
By the way, now I visit facebook hardly once in a day, but come here 4 or 5 times everyday! LOL Good luck to you Daniel!!
Daniel,
Yes, I feel better every day. I go to gym 6 days/ week. The endorphin hormone that brain secretes after intense workout makes one feel flying. I also go to swimming pool once in a week. Friends around admire me for the new looks that I have got. I energizes me more than ever. Plus, except those bad days of my relationship, I am a positive thinker.
I read a nice explanation on how men get needy in relationship. It said, "many men when get in relationship give off their balls to their girl and some girls simply throw those balls away". So you are not a man anymore! Hey, I recommend you watch Sin City movie.
Yes, my situation with my ex is worse. I believe there are less chances for me. Had I simply accepted the breakup the very first time instead of hard tying to please her, I could have more chances now. But what is done is done! I should prove myself, her and if required anyone else that, that was not real me!
Good luck my friend! I wish the best for you!
Dara,
I admire you, though your situation is worse than mine you are still strong. I am trying to be strong but the stres is too much. I am trying to hold on but i feel like letting go any moment.
I dont hear from her anymore i dont know whats on her mind or what she thinks of me. I still hope everything goes well. Maybe last 3 attempts to reach out to her. After that maybe just move on.
Dara,
Everything you said in here is exactly the same way I feel.
But in my case, I have to work on being independent and get on my own feet before I enter a relationship (that's what I've learnt from my life) and though it's an excellent idea to do it's really sad to be alone and do life on my own, something i've never done :(
I feel ready to be single and do life on my own and this way at least I'll be independent enough to make better decisions for my future. Good luck to you and I'm happy you're feeling more like an individual without needing your ex... Good on you !
Daniel,
Yes, I feel better every day. I go to gym 6 days/ week. The endorphin hormone that brain secretes after intense workout makes one feel flying. I also go to swimming pool once in a week. Friends around admire me for the new looks that I have got. I energizes me more than ever. Plus, except those bad days of my relationship, I am a positive thinker.
I read a nice explanation on how men get needy in relationship. It said, "many men when get in relationship give off their balls to their girl and some girls simply throw those balls away". So you are not a man anymore! Hey, I recommend you watch Sin City movie.
Yes, my situation with my ex is worse. I believe there are less chances for me. Had I simply accepted the breakup the very first time instead of hard tying to please her, I could have more chances now. But what is done is done! I should prove myself, her and if required anyone else that, that was not real me!
Good luck my friend! I wish the best for you!
Dara,
I admire you, though your situation is worse than mine you are still strong. I am trying to be strong but the stres is too much. I am trying to hold on but i feel like letting go any moment.
I dont hear from her anymore i dont know whats on her mind or what she thinks of me. I still hope everything goes well. Maybe last 3 attempts to reach out to her. After that maybe just move on.
Dara,
Everything you said in here is exactly the same way I feel.
But in my case, I have to work on being independent and get on my own feet before I enter a relationship (that's what I've learnt from my life) and though it's an excellent idea to do it's really sad to be alone and do life on my own, something i've never done :(
I feel ready to be single and do life on my own and this way at least I'll be independent enough to make better decisions for my future. Good luck to you and I'm happy you're feeling more like an individual without needing your ex... Good on you !
Daniel,
Yes, I feel better every day. I go to gym 6 days/ week. The endorphin hormone that brain secretes after intense workout makes one feel flying. I also go to swimming pool once in a week. Friends around admire me for the new looks that I have got. I energizes me more than ever. Plus, except those bad days of my relationship, I am a positive thinker.
I read a nice explanation on how men get needy in relationship. It said, "many men when get in relationship give off their balls to their girl and some girls simply throw those balls away". So you are not a man anymore! Hey, I recommend you watch Sin City movie.
Yes, my situation with my ex is worse. I believe there are less chances for me. Had I simply accepted the breakup the very first time instead of hard tying to please her, I could have more chances now. But what is done is done! I should prove myself, her and if required anyone else that, that was not real me!
Good luck my friend! I wish the best for you!
Dara,
I admire you, though your situation is worse than mine you are still strong. I am trying to be strong but the stres is too much. I am trying to hold on but i feel like letting go any moment.
I dont hear from her anymore i dont know whats on her mind or what she thinks of me. I still hope everything goes well. Maybe last 3 attempts to reach out to her. After that maybe just move on.
Dara,
Everything you said in here is exactly the same way I feel.
But in my case, I have to work on being independent and get on my own feet before I enter a relationship (that's what I've learnt from my life) and though it's an excellent idea to do it's really sad to be alone and do life on my own, something i've never done :(
I feel ready to be single and do life on my own and this way at least I'll be independent enough to make better decisions for my future. Good luck to you and I'm happy you're feeling more like an individual without needing your ex... Good on you !
Daniel,
Yes, I feel better every day. I go to gym 6 days/ week. The endorphin hormone that brain secretes after intense workout makes one feel flying. I also go to swimming pool once in a week. Friends around admire me for the new looks that I have got. I energizes me more than ever. Plus, except those bad days of my relationship, I am a positive thinker.
I read a nice explanation on how men get needy in relationship. It said, "many men when get in relationship give off their balls to their girl and some girls simply throw those balls away". So you are not a man anymore! Hey, I recommend you watch Sin City movie.
Yes, my situation with my ex is worse. I believe there are less chances for me. Had I simply accepted the breakup the very first time instead of hard tying to please her, I could have more chances now. But what is done is done! I should prove myself, her and if required anyone else that, that was not real me!
Good luck my friend! I wish the best for you!
Dara,
I admire you, though your situation is worse than mine you are still strong. I am trying to be strong but the stres is too much. I am trying to hold on but i feel like letting go any moment.
I dont hear from her anymore i dont know whats on her mind or what she thinks of me. I still hope everything goes well. Maybe last 3 attempts to reach out to her. After that maybe just move on.
Dara,
Everything you said in here is exactly the same way I feel.
But in my case, I have to work on being independent and get on my own feet before I enter a relationship (that's what I've learnt from my life) and though it's an excellent idea to do it's really sad to be alone and do life on my own, something i've never done :(
I feel ready to be single and do life on my own and this way at least I'll be independent enough to make better decisions for my future. Good luck to you and I'm happy you're feeling more like an individual without needing your ex... Good on you !
Daniel,
Yes, I feel better every day. I go to gym 6 days/ week. The endorphin hormone that brain secretes after intense workout makes one feel flying. I also go to swimming pool once in a week. Friends around admire me for the new looks that I have got. I energizes me more than ever. Plus, except those bad days of my relationship, I am a positive thinker.
I read a nice explanation on how men get needy in relationship. It said, "many men when get in relationship give off their balls to their girl and some girls simply throw those balls away". So you are not a man anymore! Hey, I recommend you watch Sin City movie.
Yes, my situation with my ex is worse. I believe there are less chances for me. Had I simply accepted the breakup the very first time instead of hard tying to please her, I could have more chances now. But what is done is done! I should prove myself, her and if required anyone else that, that was not real me!
Good luck my friend! I wish the best for you!
Dara,
I admire you, though your situation is worse than mine you are still strong. I am trying to be strong but the stres is too much. I am trying to hold on but i feel like letting go any moment.
I dont hear from her anymore i dont know whats on her mind or what she thinks of me. I still hope everything goes well. Maybe last 3 attempts to reach out to her. After that maybe just move on.
Dara,
Everything you said in here is exactly the same way I feel.
But in my case, I have to work on being independent and get on my own feet before I enter a relationship (that's what I've learnt from my life) and though it's an excellent idea to do it's really sad to be alone and do life on my own, something i've never done :(
I feel ready to be single and do life on my own and this way at least I'll be independent enough to make better decisions for my future. Good luck to you and I'm happy you're feeling more like an individual without needing your ex... Good on you !
Daniel,
It's nice to hear that you have made your decision. I believe most of the people you find here on this site are the ones who care for relationships. Really nicer ones. Anyway, every site you go, 'move on' is the main recommendation.
Its has become stressful for me as well. By now my mind is divided into different part; one part is asking me to wait for her, the other part is looking for someone new and the other tells me to enjoy being single. All these parts have strong arguments.
By the way, now I visit facebook hardly once in a day, but come here 4 or 5 times everyday! LOL Good luck to you Daniel!!
Daniel,
It's nice to hear that you have made your decision. I believe most of the people you find here on this site are the ones who care for relationships. Really nicer ones. Anyway, every site you go, 'move on' is the main recommendation.
Its has become stressful for me as well. By now my mind is divided into different part; one part is asking me to wait for her, the other part is looking for someone new and the other tells me to enjoy being single. All these parts have strong arguments.
By the way, now I visit facebook hardly once in a day, but come here 4 or 5 times everyday! LOL Good luck to you Daniel!!
Daniel,
It's nice to hear that you have made your decision. I believe most of the people you find here on this site are the ones who care for relationships. Really nicer ones. Anyway, every site you go, 'move on' is the main recommendation.
Its has become stressful for me as well. By now my mind is divided into different part; one part is asking me to wait for her, the other part is looking for someone new and the other tells me to enjoy being single. All these parts have strong arguments.
By the way, now I visit facebook hardly once in a day, but come here 4 or 5 times everyday! LOL Good luck to you Daniel!!
Dara, hey im glad your attitude is like that. I feel like i dont have the strength anymore. Im considering giving up on her and truly move on. Idk when she will accept my attempts to communicate and its very stressful. Thanks man i envy you. But i will also do my best as long as i can.
Dara, hey im glad your attitude is like that. I feel like i dont have the strength anymore. Im considering giving up on her and truly move on. Idk when she will accept my attempts to communicate and its very stressful. Thanks man i envy you. But i will also do my best as long as i can.
Daniel,
It is just normal to feel a sudden change of heart. One time you are fine without her then you suddenly miss her. Scumbag heart and brain.
I am so eager and decided to move on but at times, i cant do it.I would like to slam myself hard for me to wake up but whenever I miss her, no amount of consolation or going/hanging out, seeing other people could console me.
I hope one day I will wake up without any memory of her. Just her. It would be a lot easier.
Hi Daniel,
I empathy with you! My ex girlfriend also did not respond to my mail and the text message. I was not sure that she has blocked me on her phone or gmail, so my mail was hand written. For some reasons, I also miss her more than those 30 days of NC. This should not overwhelm us! It makes us weak! I am aiming for 60th day now! I see her once in a while. If she acts grumpy again, I will look for 90th day and then move in unavoidable. Good luck Daniel! Cheers!!
So I'm reading these articles and they are by far the most informative pieces on this topic...and a bit comical too, so I'm like who is this guy? 'Kevin' the name of the ex that I'm going through this for.
Hi guys. I guess its time to sum up everything here. I need advice from you guys.
Its been around an year since our fight took place. It was my fault. Later she admitted she feels for me. She was in a rebound. But i did everything of those 5 things mentioned in the article not to do. She promised to talk to me after her exams but she did not. I have acted way too desperate for a long time. On 15th it will be a month of my no contact. I am planning on extending it. I am currently not in my city. I had unfriended her from facebook so that i could stop stalking her and to make her feel for me but that did not affect her. She is a really happy person now and to my friend she said she has decided not to talk to me. I don't know what to do to make her talk to me. All the things mentioned in the articles i have done before, they worked but i became too desperate again. I guess she is in a relationship again. We might move to different cities in a month. I want to meet her. I have made lot of changes in myself.
I have few specific questions to ask.
Should i ask her to meet me in the first text ?
Should i send her a friend request again ?
If yes then can i add that accept my friend request if you feel like ?
I fought with her for 4 months and she fought with me for four months. She had feelings for me them. But now she seems not to care at all. All i wanna do is meet her. I wanna talk to her. But my situation is so mixed i have no idea what kind of text i should send her.
You should start with an email or letter like Kevin suggests. Do not ask her to meet right away.. she will likely say no. You want to soften her feelings towards you by showing her you have moved on and accept the breakup (through the letter). Then start to rebuild a bit through text messages, the way Kevin suggests. If you want to skip the letter and go to text, just do it the way Kevin suggests. Be patient with it. When you have a good rapport, you can suggest meeting up (after 1-2 weeks of texting, or longer if needed).
I suggest. Dont rush and panic. No one here can give you the answer you are looking for. Wait for kevin. Yes maybe you are ready to meet her but have you thought if she is ready to meet you? Maybe not yet? You are aware that if you acted crazy after the breakup the longer she will forget about it. If i were on your situation i will move on and try a 3-6mos NC. But i think you should wait dor kevin. Goodluck man!
You should start with an email or letter like Kevin suggests. Do not ask her to meet right away.. she will likely say no. You want to soften her feelings towards you by showing her you have moved on and accept the breakup (through the letter). Then start to rebuild a bit through text messages, the way Kevin suggests. If you want to skip the letter and go to text, just do it the way Kevin suggests. Be patient with it. When you have a good rapport, you can suggest meeting up (after 1-2 weeks of texting, or longer if needed).
I suggest. Dont rush and panic. No one here can give you the answer you are looking for. Wait for kevin. Yes maybe you are ready to meet her but have you thought if she is ready to meet you? Maybe not yet? You are aware that if you acted crazy after the breakup the longer she will forget about it. If i were on your situation i will move on and try a 3-6mos NC. But i think you should wait dor kevin. Goodluck man!
Hi Kevin,
My girlfriend is now seeing her ex she dated 5 years ago. She had originally said she wanted to be single for a long time to sort out some problems in her life, she kept telling me she was nowhere near dating anyone, then I took her on a trip to NYC all expenses paid and a week after we returned she was dating this guy. We have been apart for 1.5 months.
Am I screwed? Should I try no contact now?
Thanks man, feeling pretty devastated,
James
Hey James,
I'm not Kevin either. Don't panic. If you haven't yet, apply no contact for a month. It will give you enough time to get relax and analyse the situation. In either situations don't try to convince her that dating her ex boyfriend is mean/impolite/rude. Play it cool. Probably she is trying to fill your space with someone she already knows.
You both are her ex. You being the later one, have a slight advantage but if NC does not work, you should try to move on. Good luck man!
I am not Kevin but let me ask you a question James: Do you really think she loves you? Do you want to be with someone who doesn´t love you? Are you going to be ok mentally thinking your girl might be talking to her ex or worst...seeing him while she is with you? I apologize if I am just being negative but I would ask myself all these questions all the time. It is hard to let go but I would do it and find somebody else who really loves me, wants to be with me and be part of my life.
Hey James
As above Kevin is away until the 24th June, But I think I could assume that his answer would be Yes, start no contact and sign up to his emails to get a plan in place.
Keep smiling
Hey James,
I'm not Kevin either. Don't panic. If you haven't yet, apply no contact for a month. It will give you enough time to get relax and analyse the situation. In either situations don't try to convince her that dating her ex boyfriend is mean/impolite/rude. Play it cool. Probably she is trying to fill your space with someone she already knows.
You both are her ex. You being the later one, have a slight advantage but if NC does not work, you should try to move on. Good luck man!
I am not Kevin but let me ask you a question James: Do you really think she loves you? Do you want to be with someone who doesn´t love you? Are you going to be ok mentally thinking your girl might be talking to her ex or worst...seeing him while she is with you? I apologize if I am just being negative but I would ask myself all these questions all the time. It is hard to let go but I would do it and find somebody else who really loves me, wants to be with me and be part of my life.
Hey James
As above Kevin is away until the 24th June, But I think I could assume that his answer would be Yes, start no contact and sign up to his emails to get a plan in place.
Keep smiling
Hey Kevin,
what do you think about this letter? Thanks so much for your response in advance!
(She left music cd's in my car that she loves)
Britney,
So, these were in my car. I figure I should return them to you since your cd collection is somewhat sparse.
I’d also like to take this opportunity to say that I think the decision you made to part ways was, in retrospect, the best thing for the both of us.
I surprised myself with how emotional I got, and I’d like to apologize for my behavior toward you and any discomfort I may have caused.
Oh by the way, finally got to doing Krav Maga and it is pretty exhilarating. Really enjoying sparring again!
I would love to fill you in…perhaps in the future. Of course you and I still need space right now.
Take care,
Derek
I would rewrite it like this. ALso, don't send until you have done at least 30 days no contact.
Britney,
So, these were in my car and I wanted to return them to you.
I’d also like to let you know that I think the decision you made to part ways was, in retrospect, the best thing for the both of us.
I’d like to apologize for how emotional I got, my behavior toward you and any discomfort I may have caused.
Oh by the way, finally got to doing Krav Maga and it is pretty exhilarating. Really enjoying sparring again!
I would love to fill you in…perhaps in the future. It's best for us both to have space right now.
Take care,
Derek
or for the first line,
"So, these were in my car and I wanted to return them to you since I know you love them." (you still want to sound warm.. just not needy)
Hey Ruth,
thanks for the feedback. Your revision to me seems a bit on the robotic side. It's not how she would think how I would write. I'm generally a warm easy going person.
you know her best so definitely go with your regular voice
you know her best so definitely go with your regular voice
you know her best so definitely go with your regular voice
you know her best so definitely go with your regular voice
you know her best so definitely go with your regular voice
Hey Ruth,
thanks for the feedback. Your revision to me seems a bit on the robotic side. It's not how she would think how I would write. I'm generally a warm easy going person.
Hey Ruth,
thanks for the feedback. Your revision to me seems a bit on the robotic side. It's not how she would think how I would write. I'm generally a warm easy going person.
Hey Ruth,
thanks for the feedback. Your revision to me seems a bit on the robotic side. It's not how she would think how I would write. I'm generally a warm easy going person.
or for the first line,
"So, these were in my car and I wanted to return them to you since I know you love them." (you still want to sound warm.. just not needy)
or for the first line,
"So, these were in my car and I wanted to return them to you since I know you love them." (you still want to sound warm.. just not needy)
I would rewrite it like this. ALso, don't send until you have done at least 30 days no contact.
Britney,
So, these were in my car and I wanted to return them to you.
I’d also like to let you know that I think the decision you made to part ways was, in retrospect, the best thing for the both of us.
I’d like to apologize for how emotional I got, my behavior toward you and any discomfort I may have caused.
Oh by the way, finally got to doing Krav Maga and it is pretty exhilarating. Really enjoying sparring again!
I would love to fill you in…perhaps in the future. It's best for us both to have space right now.
Take care,
Derek
Hey Kevin, so I followed the plan, and I recently went out with my ex for the first time after we broke up. We talked about a lot of stuff, mainly I did, cause I didn't have the opportunity since he broke up with me (3 months ago). I apologized for everything, I thanked him for all, and told him it was time for us to be friends. Also, he told me a lot of exciting things that are happening/happened in his life and so I did. I acted friendly. I was trying to show him that I moved on, mainly, trying to show him I'm happy and that I have changed a lot positively. He did the same. He actually texted me after it, but in a really friendly way. He said he had a great time, that he's a great friend which I can count on always, he said thanks for everything he learned with me while on the relationship, and stuff like that. I replied and then we had a very very short conversation through text (he showed me some new band he has now and I said it was cool and then he didn't reply). I'm worried because during the ''date'' I talked to him as an old friend really, almost like talking to my brother. No flirting, not trying anything. Not trying to be cute, nothing. I tried to be fun, thats all. It was fun, but still, I don't know if this was good or bad in order to get him back. I'm not sure what should I do next. This happened 3 days ago and we haven't talked since. Please help! Thank you!!
Hi Kevin,
I need your urgent advice. As I mentioned previously that my ex will come back to Kunming on the 14th of June, yesterday he Wechat me said he will be back on the 16th. He claimed that he will be staying in Chengdu for 2 nights with the girl he met on the plane (Because this girl he is origianally from Manchaster Chinese, but need to fly often to work in Chengdu). So my heart is dead but I am cool with it. I was just thinking if you come back we can have a proper goodbye since last time he broke up with me via a long distance call which to me is really unhealthy. I was not even asking for a talk or what, just to spend 1-2 days being with him at the last time. Life is short, and we were destined to be a couple for more than 1 year, say goodbye decently is something mature to do. So there's a girl who's one of his teammate's wife called me yesterday and said, there's no way he is staying in Chengdu because there's only one flight flying back from the UK somewhere - Chengdu - Kunming. His teammate said his flight is taking off from the UK on the 15th of June and directly be back on the 16th of June. He send me a message on Wechat: It didn't matter about your health wanted to take care of you. Was the leaving me in the night. Just wanna start something new with a girl who is soft hearted and calm. I wish you all the best and hope that after the dust hast settled and the pain has gone we can be friends. I like many things about you, Sharon. I am sorry for what happened , but I can't change now my path.
Also, I said no worries, life is short, I just want a proper goodbye and I will leave to start my next chapter of life in Beijng. He told me, I don't know, I am not sure whether we can stay at the same apartment. I need privacy to use Skype and phone (maybe video and talk with the new girl).
My questions are:
1) Why he has to fake his flight schedule and said he is going to meet this girl in Chengdu and staying at her place for 2 night? Just to hurt me?
2) Why he has to fake that he is going to stay 2 nights in Chengdu, while I know the fact is there's only one flight flying back on the 15th?
3) Does he really want to escape from me or something, that he can't even want to stay with me even seperately sleeping on the couch/ bedroom? What happened? Since I have many things need to settle with him for the apartment and my stuff
4) Why he is texting me that message on Wechat, is he trying to be nice?
5) Should I just move out before he come back? And not to see him one last time for a proper good bye.
Your prompt reply is appreciated
Thank you very much,
Sharon
My questions are:
I did NC for almost a month, then afterwards, I reconnected with him via email (and in it, I mentioned I had accepted the break-up and thought it was a good idea) and he said that he was hoping I would contact him. We texted for a bit and he would also occasionally even send me emails. I think I got a bit too eager, though I tried not to (e.g. I should have been cooler and waited awhile to reply, but I tended to reply pretty soon after). Anyway, we ended up meeting up a few days ago for lunch (I asked him) since we work near each other. It was generally good (I made sure to look my best, and during NC, I did become a better version of myself, am more positive and I think I showed that positivity during our lunch meeting, etc. I have also been keeping busy with my life and we talked about some of the things we have both been up to). He paid for lunch and told me I could get it next time. Later that afternoon, I sent him a text to say that it was nice to reconnect and hang out, and thanks for lunch. He did reply but he mentioned that it was nice to have a new “lunch friend” so it sounds like I have been friend zoned. Even a few days prior to our lunch meeting, we had slowed down on the texting and emailing, and definitely now as well (compared to when we first reconnected – e.g. it is always me who initiates now, including just prior to our lunch meeting). I think I should stop initiating now – what do you think? Also, what should my next steps be? How do I get out of the friend zone? Should I go back to NC? (will he not care and think I lost interest since meeting him?) Or should I just go with the flow and see what happens (just be the better version of myself when we meet again, etc.). Not sure where to go from here…
The other alternative to NC is to be less available and to stop being the one to initiate contact. I would only reply if he contacts me (and do it less eagerly than I had been as well). And when we meet in person again (letting him initiate that), that's when I really turn on my best self. If I do NC though, how long should it be for this time?
I was pleased that I felt kind of neutral when we met up (seeing as I felt nervous beforehand, but then it turned out to be emotionally easier than I thought to see him again) and I felt okay right after we met up. I didn't feel any special vibes that he wanted to be with me again or anything, and because I felt neutral, I thought maybe it was a sign we ought to just be friends moving forward. Then the next day, I started to really miss him. I also started to think about how he had stopped initiating communication with me as much (as I mentioned above) and I felt too available to him and decided I needed to back off in some way with the contact (either NC or only reply if he initiates). Anyway, I still miss him. I guess it hit me a bit later. I keep thinking about his good qualities, his affection, etc. when we were together and feel sad about it all.
Ruth,
I think you should wait another week before contacting him again.
There is nothing you can do right now but attract him. Make sure you are good and getting better everytime you meet. Also its not really that bad to be friendzoned right now coz u just reconnected. Its not the time to talk about relationships. Just do your best. You are lucky compared to most of the people here coz you can talk and meet wit your ex so dont mess up and keep your composure and confidence. I wish you the best. Goodluck!
Thanks, Daniel. All the best
I am trying not to be "crazy" (due to emotions). In the past (years ago), I made mistakes with a break-up I had in which I wanted an ex back, because I just turned on the emotional crazy and was definitely not keeping it cool. I don't want to tread there again, and just try to be cool with this one. It's funny how time stretches out so slowly when you are dealing with a break-up situation. I haven't contacted him in 3 day but it feels much longer. I have to learn to be patient.
All the best to you, Daniel. I think I read that you are giving up. It sounds like a good decision for you. Time will heal.
Thanks, Daniel. All the best
I am trying not to be "crazy" (due to emotions). In the past (years ago), I made mistakes with a break-up I had in which I wanted an ex back, because I just turned on the emotional crazy and was definitely not keeping it cool. I don't want to tread there again, and just try to be cool with this one. It's funny how time stretches out so slowly when you are dealing with a break-up situation. I haven't contacted him in 3 day but it feels much longer. I have to learn to be patient.
All the best to you, Daniel. I think I read that you are giving up. It sounds like a good decision for you. Time will heal.
Thanks, Daniel. All the best
I am trying not to be "crazy" (due to emotions). In the past (years ago), I made mistakes with a break-up I had in which I wanted an ex back, because I just turned on the emotional crazy and was definitely not keeping it cool. I don't want to tread there again, and just try to be cool with this one. It's funny how time stretches out so slowly when you are dealing with a break-up situation. I haven't contacted him in 3 day but it feels much longer. I have to learn to be patient.
All the best to you, Daniel. I think I read that you are giving up. It sounds like a good decision for you. Time will heal.
Thanks, Daniel. All the best
I am trying not to be "crazy" (due to emotions). In the past (years ago), I made mistakes with a break-up I had in which I wanted an ex back, because I just turned on the emotional crazy and was definitely not keeping it cool. I don't want to tread there again, and just try to be cool with this one. It's funny how time stretches out so slowly when you are dealing with a break-up situation. I haven't contacted him in 3 day but it feels much longer. I have to learn to be patient.
All the best to you, Daniel. I think I read that you are giving up. It sounds like a good decision for you. Time will heal.
Thanks, Daniel. All the best
I am trying not to be "crazy" (due to emotions). In the past (years ago), I made mistakes with a break-up I had in which I wanted an ex back, because I just turned on the emotional crazy and was definitely not keeping it cool. I don't want to tread there again, and just try to be cool with this one. It's funny how time stretches out so slowly when you are dealing with a break-up situation. I haven't contacted him in 3 day but it feels much longer. I have to learn to be patient.
All the best to you, Daniel. I think I read that you are giving up. It sounds like a good decision for you. Time will heal.
Ruth,
I think you should wait another week before contacting him again.
There is nothing you can do right now but attract him. Make sure you are good and getting better everytime you meet. Also its not really that bad to be friendzoned right now coz u just reconnected. Its not the time to talk about relationships. Just do your best. You are lucky compared to most of the people here coz you can talk and meet wit your ex so dont mess up and keep your composure and confidence. I wish you the best. Goodluck!
Ruth,
I think you should wait another week before contacting him again.
There is nothing you can do right now but attract him. Make sure you are good and getting better everytime you meet. Also its not really that bad to be friendzoned right now coz u just reconnected. Its not the time to talk about relationships. Just do your best. You are lucky compared to most of the people here coz you can talk and meet wit your ex so dont mess up and keep your composure and confidence. I wish you the best. Goodluck!
Ruth,
I think you should wait another week before contacting him again.
There is nothing you can do right now but attract him. Make sure you are good and getting better everytime you meet. Also its not really that bad to be friendzoned right now coz u just reconnected. Its not the time to talk about relationships. Just do your best. You are lucky compared to most of the people here coz you can talk and meet wit your ex so dont mess up and keep your composure and confidence. I wish you the best. Goodluck!
I was pleased that I felt kind of neutral when we met up (seeing as I felt nervous beforehand, but then it turned out to be emotionally easier than I thought to see him again) and I felt okay right after we met up. I didn't feel any special vibes that he wanted to be with me again or anything, and because I felt neutral, I thought maybe it was a sign we ought to just be friends moving forward. Then the next day, I started to really miss him. I also started to think about how he had stopped initiating communication with me as much (as I mentioned above) and I felt too available to him and decided I needed to back off in some way with the contact (either NC or only reply if he initiates). Anyway, I still miss him. I guess it hit me a bit later. I keep thinking about his good qualities, his affection, etc. when we were together and feel sad about it all.
I was pleased that I felt kind of neutral when we met up (seeing as I felt nervous beforehand, but then it turned out to be emotionally easier than I thought to see him again) and I felt okay right after we met up. I didn't feel any special vibes that he wanted to be with me again or anything, and because I felt neutral, I thought maybe it was a sign we ought to just be friends moving forward. Then the next day, I started to really miss him. I also started to think about how he had stopped initiating communication with me as much (as I mentioned above) and I felt too available to him and decided I needed to back off in some way with the contact (either NC or only reply if he initiates). Anyway, I still miss him. I guess it hit me a bit later. I keep thinking about his good qualities, his affection, etc. when we were together and feel sad about it all.
The other alternative to NC is to be less available and to stop being the one to initiate contact. I would only reply if he contacts me (and do it less eagerly than I had been as well). And when we meet in person again (letting him initiate that), that's when I really turn on my best self. If I do NC though, how long should it be for this time?
We are about to meet up but the night before, she cancelled the 'date' by using some alibis obviously because she doesn't want to see me.
I am confused. We are still in a relationship before then when we graduated, she broke up with me. I guess she has long moved on even when we are in a relationship. I feel bad and cheated.
I feel bad for her because she changed so much. Heartless, insensitive, selfish-you-know-what.
But I feel worse for myself because I still want her back. I don't know if this is just one of her playtime or she is serious about breaking up. I can't help stalking her on facebook and unfriending or blocking her would seem really obvious.
It is so fucking hard. At times I am fine but other times I feel so alone whether in the company of my family.
Shall I move on now? And if yes, pray for me please. Because my soul is willing but the flesh is fucking weak....
Hey Raed,
If she canceled your date request after the 30 days NC period, my suggestion is apply NC again. She accepted it in the first time, it means a part of her still wants it but she canceled it later means a part of her wants to end up the relationship. She still needs time and space to conclude what she wants. You also need more time to sum up if you want to stay or move on.
This is all I can conclude from Kevin's articles and emails. You wait for Kevin's response and not rush! Good luck!!
Dara,
Thank you, Dara. I would rethink it over if I still love her. Though it's hard to really know because my feelings are a mess as well.
I don't want to waste another days and months to come just earning her back. I need I need to earn back myself more.
Thankyou! God bless :)
You're welcome my friend! Good luck!
You're welcome my friend! Good luck!
You're welcome my friend! Good luck!
You're welcome my friend! Good luck!
Dara,
Thank you, Dara. I would rethink it over if I still love her. Though it's hard to really know because my feelings are a mess as well.
I don't want to waste another days and months to come just earning her back. I need I need to earn back myself more.
Thankyou! God bless :)
Dara,
Thank you, Dara. I would rethink it over if I still love her. Though it's hard to really know because my feelings are a mess as well.
I don't want to waste another days and months to come just earning her back. I need I need to earn back myself more.
Thankyou! God bless :)
Dear Raed,
A lot of times I feel the same way as you but I'm more keen on moving on from EVERYTHING in my past and starting a fresh page. Very afraid of the unknown and I've always been codependent and this is my first time I have to be independent EVER! There are bigger problems in life (it seems) than breaking up with someone, for me it's whether I'm capable surviving on my own and how long will my pride allow me live at my mum's house? I miss my ex but he's very immature and unstable both financially and emotionally. So, it's time to be bit selfish and take a lot of time for myself and feel the freedom for the first time ever! Let this be a lesson not to rush relationships and never give completely your heart... :'(
Rihanna,
So does that mean you are quitting on getting your ex back? That's right if he can't support himself yet then he can't support you as well. The relationship might seem more of a burden and blessing during that time.
I know it's hard but I suggest if you want him back, the right time is not now. You might be togethet again in the futurr. When you are both stable and lovely. You can just work on improving yourself and give him space to do so. Then when you are both ready and in the future your roads will cross again and the feelings are still there, the relationship you'll be building will be a whole lot better.
The fault in us humans is that we have the fear of the unknown, it scares us to come out of the comfort zone. So we tend to stick into what our hearts and mind deem familiar and safe eventhough it is no longer healthy.
It will be a lot difficult to do so but I guess reading self-help books can help. I guess we are just overwhelmed with the feeling and thought that we love them. But do we really love them? I can say, I don't. But I think I am running after her because she seems to be a challenge not because I love her. I loved her. And maybe you too loved him.
Maybe we are just in love with the idea of being in love. It will be hard, but what matters is we keep moving every single day. It is ourselves who needs the loving more <3
And I dont think we can receive such love if we lack it in ourselves. What we are, we attract. So no matter how hard let's try to make ourselves better
They are better without us so why not do the same?
Sometimes all we need is a lot of spanking, failing and hurting to realize that we deserve more.
Rihanna,
So does that mean you are quitting on getting your ex back? That's right if he can't support himself yet then he can't support you as well. The relationship might seem more of a burden and blessing during that time.
I know it's hard but I suggest if you want him back, the right time is not now. You might be togethet again in the futurr. When you are both stable and lovely. You can just work on improving yourself and give him space to do so. Then when you are both ready and in the future your roads will cross again and the feelings are still there, the relationship you'll be building will be a whole lot better.
The fault in us humans is that we have the fear of the unknown, it scares us to come out of the comfort zone. So we tend to stick into what our hearts and mind deem familiar and safe eventhough it is no longer healthy.
It will be a lot difficult to do so but I guess reading self-help books can help. I guess we are just overwhelmed with the feeling and thought that we love them. But do we really love them? I can say, I don't. But I think I am running after her because she seems to be a challenge not because I love her. I loved her. And maybe you too loved him.
Maybe we are just in love with the idea of being in love. It will be hard, but what matters is we keep moving every single day. It is ourselves who needs the loving more <3
And I dont think we can receive such love if we lack it in ourselves. What we are, we attract. So no matter how hard let's try to make ourselves better
They are better without us so why not do the same?
Sometimes all we need is a lot of spanking, failing and hurting to realize that we deserve more.
Rihanna,
So does that mean you are quitting on getting your ex back? That's right if he can't support himself yet then he can't support you as well. The relationship might seem more of a burden and blessing during that time.
I know it's hard but I suggest if you want him back, the right time is not now. You might be togethet again in the futurr. When you are both stable and lovely. You can just work on improving yourself and give him space to do so. Then when you are both ready and in the future your roads will cross again and the feelings are still there, the relationship you'll be building will be a whole lot better.
The fault in us humans is that we have the fear of the unknown, it scares us to come out of the comfort zone. So we tend to stick into what our hearts and mind deem familiar and safe eventhough it is no longer healthy.
It will be a lot difficult to do so but I guess reading self-help books can help. I guess we are just overwhelmed with the feeling and thought that we love them. But do we really love them? I can say, I don't. But I think I am running after her because she seems to be a challenge not because I love her. I loved her. And maybe you too loved him.
Maybe we are just in love with the idea of being in love. It will be hard, but what matters is we keep moving every single day. It is ourselves who needs the loving more <3
And I dont think we can receive such love if we lack it in ourselves. What we are, we attract. So no matter how hard let's try to make ourselves better
They are better without us so why not do the same?
Sometimes all we need is a lot of spanking, failing and hurting to realize that we deserve more.
Hey Raed,
If she canceled your date request after the 30 days NC period, my suggestion is apply NC again. She accepted it in the first time, it means a part of her still wants it but she canceled it later means a part of her wants to end up the relationship. She still needs time and space to conclude what she wants. You also need more time to sum up if you want to stay or move on.
This is all I can conclude from Kevin's articles and emails. You wait for Kevin's response and not rush! Good luck!!
Dear Raed,
A lot of times I feel the same way as you but I'm more keen on moving on from EVERYTHING in my past and starting a fresh page. Very afraid of the unknown and I've always been codependent and this is my first time I have to be independent EVER! There are bigger problems in life (it seems) than breaking up with someone, for me it's whether I'm capable surviving on my own and how long will my pride allow me live at my mum's house? I miss my ex but he's very immature and unstable both financially and emotionally. So, it's time to be bit selfish and take a lot of time for myself and feel the freedom for the first time ever! Let this be a lesson not to rush relationships and never give completely your heart... :'(
Today is 3 months since I broke up with my gf. Kevin gives an excellent insight on how to recover an ex, what to do and what not to…his information is amazing. NC period is very important to recover YOUR integrity and get yourself together, it would also work to give your ex some time to miss you and cool things off.
Honestly after all this time I learned that 90% of the times it is NOT worth to recover an ex, even if you are in love. You might get your ex back but the same problems will most likely arise with time plus some different new issues. As time goes on it gets even harder to recover an ex because you become distant. From my point of view once the relationship is broken it would never be the same, no relationship lasts forever, especially in the time we are living. It is hard to believe that one will spend 30 or 40 years with the person we are right now because there are way too many years, way too many reasons to argue across life and differences (temptations, infidelities, financial issues, kids, and different personal point of views in life). Human beings change, priorities change and when it is over it is over (unless it is a short break up, very short period of time).
Kevin information helped me recover my composure, regain confidence, acknowledge that I can be happy without my ex and most important that there are a lot of people out there that you might get to know of and have a fresh start with. I have been dating as much as I can and I am now back to whom I used to be and it feels great. Time heels everything, it is normal to feel like crap for a couple of moths but you will definitely recover and move on. Do I still have feelings for my ex? Of course! but we both understood that we were not meant to be and we both wish the best to each other. We are not friends yet but I am pretty sure we probably will be in the near future.
To all the guys here I recommend to read a book named The System, it has lots of great information on how to date women and most importantly how they operate. It was written by a dude called “Doc love”, he has a column in Ask Men magazine. Read some of his columns, they are available online (Google “Doc Love ask men”) and you will find out what I am talking about.
Thanks Kevin for all the help provided; it would have been a lot more difficult to go through this break up without your help. I am fine now!
Enjoy the relationship as long as it lasts, love and give your best to the person you are with. Learn from all the mistakes committed in your previous relationship and avoid repeating them in your next. Treasure all the memories and good moments and forget all the bad ones. When it is over it is over and it is better to move on and continue with life.
Enjoy the relationship as long as it lasts, love and give your best to the person you are with. Learn from all the mistakes committed in your previous relationship and avoid repeating them in your next. Treasure all the memories and good moments and forget all the bad ones. When it is over it is over and it is better to move on and continue with life.
Hi Kevin and anyone willing to offer advice,
It's been a week since I have talked to my ex where he said "you can't talk to me anymore, it's hard. You need to move on. I am." I believe he meant I can't talk to him until I've "moved on" because all I did was try and get him back, and he did say that he wants to remain in my life as a friend.. Because that's so easy to do apparently. I was doing okay, but then I did see a picture his brother posted on Instagram of him and his fiancée at her birthday dinner, which did upset me quite a bit because I had always been a part of things like that. Also, two weeks before my ex broke up with me, we had put down our deposits for his brother's wedding this November in Mexico. The final payment for the trip is due end of August, part of me hopes by some miracle my ex decides coming back is what he wants. I've been good friends with his brother for the six years we dated, so it really does hurt knowing I might not be able to go to his wedding anymore.
I spent the month of May begging and trying to convince my ex to give us another chance. Not everyday though. We went at least 10 days throughout the month not talking. I do think I pushed him further away the last time we spoke though, which I do wish I could take back. Like I said, it's been a week into my NC period. I am making some changes within myself but it is hard. Part of me still can't believe this is real. But I was thinking - which is what I would like some advice on - I was given a few different reasons at first as to why my ex was leaving me, I think because he was trying to ease the break up by not coming out and saying that he didn't feel the same about me anymore. What I'm wondering is, if he lost feelings for me because I was working all the time on weekends and didn't have much time to go visit him at school, will NC still be effective if me not being there was what made his feelings change in the first place? We talked and facetimed everyday, but my lack of physically being there for him is what made him feel alone and like he was single while he was at school. He was having a rough year with hockey and he needed me, but then again he never once actually told me he needed me there. It was only until after the break up that he said I wasn't there for him and that I "never" came to visit. If he needed me, he could have asked and I would be there as soon as I could have. I thought he knew the distance was temporary and he seemed to be okay being with his friends at night. He could have discussed it with me. But ultimately, I never really got too many chances to go visit and because of it he began to lose feelings for me. Although I am not sure if he really did lose them, or if they're just suppressed. Do people who were together for six and a half years really just lose feelings just like that and have them disappear? I believe you don't fully lose feelings. That they're still in there somewhere and that there will always be some sort of connection, especially if you have been together for a long time. Part of me feels like he's suppressed his feelings, but who knows.
Now I know NC is mainly for yourself and not a means to get your ex back. I am focusing on myself but at the same time, I am hoping that it makes him miss me. I'm kind of worried because he told me he's moving on and maybe he's been moving on emotionally while we were still together when he felt alone at school. But my question is, if my lack of being there for him and everything is what made him lose these feelings for me, isn't me keeping my distance not really helping in that sense? Why must break ups be so confusing!
Sorry this is so long, I kind of started to ramble!
hey rachel,
i know its the most confusing feeling and its so hard to cope with but seriously it doesn't matter what he says during the breakup,its nothing logical so you can't find a logical answer to all of the questions in your head about why he said that? what did he mean? how is this so easy for him to move on?how could he? and etc ...... .you can't get an absolute answer.its all emotions talking for now. so u need to let go of every thing that makes it more complicated. concentrate on your own life and give him some space.you chased him so much and i know you have apologized for things even though deep down u know were no big deal. send him a text message and tell him you have accepted the break up and you really want to move on and you will.say you are sorry to act kinda crazy during the break up wish him something good about his personal life like one of his goals,or something he's interested in. then start no contact once he notice that you have disappeared he will forget how needy you have acted and he will begin to miss you and even the feeling of being chased. don't break the NC for at least one month.don't care about anything,don't stalk him on fb or anything,don't care about his brothers wedding.work on yourself be confident and create a new happy person.its hard but you can do it.i had days like this that i was almost going crazy but there is a will power inside of you that you can make it. every time you feel like you want to contact him just remember if you want him back you shouldn't do it.give yourself some time to heal.if he loved you once its very possible that he feels the same way if you know what to do. i don't know whether it was useful or not but i hope i could help a little.wait for kevin to get a better advice.i did whatever he said and it absolutely worked every time i acted the way i had to. wish u all the good luck :)
hey rachel,
i know its the most confusing feeling and its so hard to cope with but seriously it doesn't matter what he says during the breakup,its nothing logical so you can't find a logical answer to all of the questions in your head about why he said that? what did he mean? how is this so easy for him to move on?how could he? and etc ...... .you can't get an absolute answer.its all emotions talking for now. so u need to let go of every thing that makes it more complicated. concentrate on your own life and give him some space.you chased him so much and i know you have apologized for things even though deep down u know were no big deal. send him a text message and tell him you have accepted the break up and you really want to move on and you will.say you are sorry to act kinda crazy during the break up wish him something good about his personal life like one of his goals,or something he's interested in. then start no contact once he notice that you have disappeared he will forget how needy you have acted and he will begin to miss you and even the feeling of being chased. don't break the NC for at least one month.don't care about anything,don't stalk him on fb or anything,don't care about his brothers wedding.work on yourself be confident and create a new happy person.its hard but you can do it.i had days like this that i was almost going crazy but there is a will power inside of you that you can make it. every time you feel like you want to contact him just remember if you want him back you shouldn't do it.give yourself some time to heal.if he loved you once its very possible that he feels the same way if you know what to do. i don't know whether it was useful or not but i hope i could help a little.wait for kevin to get a better advice.i did whatever he said and it absolutely worked every time i acted the way i had to. wish u all the good luck :)
One of the hardest things I had to do was let go,and give up.... :(
This is a very difficult period for me. I hope to have enough strength to get over this guy
Thank you so much for evertyhing Kevin, I learned a lot from you...
I'm not sure how I'll handle this, because I really care for this guy, but if he doesn't have the same intentions like me .. it doesn't make sense anymore.
I have to continue my life without him :(
I want to wish everyone good luck here
Martina,
Goodluck! I admire your strength. Have a new and happy life. You will find a better one than him. I wish you the best.
Thank you Daniel,
I don't have much choice you know...I can only spin in a circle, and destroy myself.
No one will see in him what I saw, but he will never know.
This is too hard, especially at night when I go to sleep, panic, pain, tears- every night !
I hope that everyone here will succeed in what they want, my fight is just beginning ..
Thank you for your words, and good luck to you!
Thank you Daniel,
I don't have much choice you know...I can only spin in a circle, and destroy myself.
No one will see in him what I saw, but he will never know.
This is too hard, especially at night when I go to sleep, panic, pain, tears- every night !
I hope that everyone here will succeed in what they want, my fight is just beginning ..
Thank you for your words, and good luck to you!
Thank you Daniel,
I don't have much choice you know...I can only spin in a circle, and destroy myself.
No one will see in him what I saw, but he will never know.
This is too hard, especially at night when I go to sleep, panic, pain, tears- every night !
I hope that everyone here will succeed in what they want, my fight is just beginning ..
Thank you for your words, and good luck to you!
Martina,
Goodluck! I admire your strength. Have a new and happy life. You will find a better one than him. I wish you the best.
Hi everyone! I need advice. I had NC with my ex for 30 days. He texted twice on mother's day and my birthday. I didnt respond. On the 34th day, I texted that I agreed with the breakup. He seemed vulnerable by his response. He apologized for the breakup and hoped that I understood why he did it. My response was cool like Fonzie lol he kept mentioning my daughter (from my previous relationship) and how he missed her so much it hurt and how he's always reminded of us. I felt bad and allowed him to be part of her life if he will never bail. My daughter is very attached to him also. Long story short, we've been communicating. I told him that my daughter was going on vacation with my mom. He was very surprised because we're inseparable. Next day, he askes me exactly when she was leaving,
Hi Confused,
First off congrats on making NC for 34 days, that is a big accomplishment and something to be proud off. However after reading your message a couple of times I'm unsure what you need advice on? Could you clarify a little more and from what I've seen over the last few days the friendly community here will certainly help with what limited advice we can :)
hey confused,
i don't think if you need to restart NC.and i think you did well. just show him that you are not needy and show positive changes in your life,don't chase him and let him believe that you are doing great without him in your life,be confident and cool.start the falsefriendship don't say any negative thing or anything about the breakup.let him remember the good memories you had.
hey confused,
i don't think if you need to restart NC.and i think you did well. just show him that you are not needy and show positive changes in your life,don't chase him and let him believe that you are doing great without him in your life,be confident and cool.start the falsefriendship don't say any negative thing or anything about the breakup.let him remember the good memories you had.
hey confused,
i don't think if you need to restart NC.and i think you did well. just show him that you are not needy and show positive changes in your life,don't chase him and let him believe that you are doing great without him in your life,be confident and cool.start the falsefriendship don't say any negative thing or anything about the breakup.let him remember the good memories you had.
Hi Confused,
First off congrats on making NC for 34 days, that is a big accomplishment and something to be proud off. However after reading your message a couple of times I'm unsure what you need advice on? Could you clarify a little more and from what I've seen over the last few days the friendly community here will certainly help with what limited advice we can :)
Hello everone! During NC my ex texted twice on mothers day and birthday. After 30 days of NC I texted my ex that I agreed with the breakup and that I was buying a car. In addition, i told him my daughter wont be in town for the summer. He confessed how he missed my daughter so much it hurt and how he's reminded of us often. I ignored his comment about us and only responded to questions about the car. He kept insisting to know about how my daughter was handling the situation. I told him I wanted our convos to be strictly about us but then felt horrible bc I know my daughter loves and misses him. I allowed him to be part of her life as long as he will never bail on her. He asked when my daughter was traveling and said he will make his decision around the time she was away (so confusing) Long story short, we've been communicating... he agreed to go to the car dealer with me while she's away. Just recently I discovered we're both on match.com. We've never discussed it but it was really a coincidence that he contacted me in a charismatic way on the day I subscribed. I've been sweet but I feel he's probably thinks im needy because I text him on occasion but he does too. I want him to chase me, WANT ME, do you know what I mean? What do you suggest? Should I do NC again for 3 weeks? I want him to reevaluate the situation and feel scared of losing me. We've been at this game for a few years. He has been raising a child I had during one of our "breaks." I love him dearly and I know he does. Part of me feels he's scared of committing. What advice do you give me? Anyone?
So sorry... I didn't realize the previous msg went thru.
Heyyy Kevin! So i my ex added me on fb and chatted me last night,after seeing me in an event for 4 days! the 1 one we spoke a bit but i thought that was it.I was speaking to him friendly,and i was the one who closed the chat and went to sleep because i read somewhere that you should be the one to stop the first convo...How should i be talking to him in order to make him know that i'm not here waiting for him or ready to fall for him head over heels again? How should i continue going from here? please guide me!
He told me that my new hair color looks amazing on me, and that he was really happy to see me even if we didn't talk that much..what does all this mean?
He told me that my new hair color looks amazing on me, and that he was really happy to see me even if we didn't talk that much..what does all this mean?
Hi, so Iv hit it hard and am upset..did the no contact, arranged to me my ex girl on Sunday but just found out she's seeing someone..it's knocked me back quite a bit. Can anyone offer advice on what to do next.
Send some positive signals before doing NC. Just let her know that your not simply vanishing. But you are vanishing because you need space.dont mind the other guy. focus on yourself first.
don't panic,be cool its probably a rebound.get yourself some space and then create the false friendship.don't get too personal with her and dont stalk her.just be cool about everything.
don't panic,be cool its probably a rebound.get yourself some space and then create the false friendship.don't get too personal with her and dont stalk her.just be cool about everything.
don't panic,be cool its probably a rebound.get yourself some space and then create the false friendship.don't get too personal with her and dont stalk her.just be cool about everything.
Send some positive signals before doing NC. Just let her know that your not simply vanishing. But you are vanishing because you need space.dont mind the other guy. focus on yourself first.
Hi Kevin and all the Good people out there,
I value your thoughts / opinions.
I have been with a caring, thoughtful, and beautiful woman for over 5 years, I 38 and she 29, she courageously came to my Country to study , work and live. It was a dream come through for both of us. We have travelled through lots of Europe and beyond over that time. Hence we both love travelling, seeing new places, visiting her Family going out on dates helping each other with our respective careers etc. The down sides, my ex has not always got on very well with my Family and my friends. She felt a little threatened or at a different level to them. She could get quite anti-social and not want to mix and eventually people would start putting in the effort, which left me feeling a little frustrated and awkward as I am a social person. She can be a little direct and blunt with her comments that would catch some people and unfortunately with my sensitive nature me also. Even with her own Family she could be very "short" with them, she has so much to offer that it kills me to see her this way and lose out on people's friendship or even advantage in her professional career. After alot of time and patience she went to an anger councillor which helped relief her of a troubled relationship with a family member but more to go with her Parents. We have broken up about 2 months ago and it is a killer, as she wanted me to go to her home Country but I procrasintated and let fear take over and created un-necessary drama and hurt on her which i have apologised for. She also saw e-mails I had sent to 2-3 friends looking to rationalise our tensions (and there were some!), the difference between our natures!
Have you seen people reflect on their negative sides during this period and do they ever tone them down? I have negative behaviours that I am working on at the minute. She was willing to do so much but I let the fear of thinking too much and not being open with her about things that I did not like or appreciate and never always clearly let her know my feelings so we could both learn together. I have realised that I am not perfect over the last 2 months and stuff that she talked about , I have now realised are ringing true...
I would like to see over the next few weeks if a letter would break the ice, but I would like to think we can both work on our differences. I would be willing to move to her Country and make a future together, maybe it is too little too late? Her Family were all so good to me, I realise I have probably lost their respect but I would be willing to earn / fight for it back just like her..
Would really welcome all comments.
.
Hi John,
It is great to have a girl who is beautiful, thoughtful, care, etc. but as you already said she is a bit anti-social. By my understanding, apart from our happy relation, we also seek others approval especially our family and close friends. Your willingness to go to her country can even look like an approval for her demands. Also, I am afraid that one day you become like a rope being pulled by your girl one side while by family and friends from the other side. Or what if you get kids together but she does not allow your parents to along with their grandchildren? You may send off the letter now, but my personal suggestion is that take more time to study the situation. Good luck!
Hi Dara,
Many thanks for the comment, you speak alot of sense in it.
Part of me believes that I have been with my girlfirend during a part of her life where she was adjusting from one stage to another , (leaving her 20's) and I don't want to feel that I have been with her through this adjustment phase in her life only for someone else to gain from my patience and understanding in the relationship over the 5 years. Maybe that is very very unfair to say but a little how I feel at this point.
Hi John,
I am happy to share my view to you. In fact, I also had the same feelings as you had/have. However, as time passed in this NC, I realized that even though she is caring, beautiful, thoughtful, etc. which will be there with her for years even after me for the benefit of the next guy but, she also has negative characters which will also be with her for years. The next guy is welcome to get the full package.
Don't worry my friend!
Hi John,
I am happy to share my view to you. In fact, I also had the same feelings as you had/have. However, as time passed in this NC, I realized that even though she is caring, beautiful, thoughtful, etc. which will be there with her for years even after me for the benefit of the next guy but, she also has negative characters which will also be with her for years. The next guy is welcome to get the full package.
Don't worry my friend!
Hi John,
I am happy to share my view to you. In fact, I also had the same feelings as you had/have. However, as time passed in this NC, I realized that even though she is caring, beautiful, thoughtful, etc. which will be there with her for years even after me for the benefit of the next guy but, she also has negative characters which will also be with her for years. The next guy is welcome to get the full package.
Don't worry my friend!
Hi John,
I am happy to share my view to you. In fact, I also had the same feelings as you had/have. However, as time passed in this NC, I realized that even though she is caring, beautiful, thoughtful, etc. which will be there with her for years even after me for the benefit of the next guy but, she also has negative characters which will also be with her for years. The next guy is welcome to get the full package.
Don't worry my friend!
Hi Dara,
Many thanks for the comment, you speak alot of sense in it.
Part of me believes that I have been with my girlfirend during a part of her life where she was adjusting from one stage to another , (leaving her 20's) and I don't want to feel that I have been with her through this adjustment phase in her life only for someone else to gain from my patience and understanding in the relationship over the 5 years. Maybe that is very very unfair to say but a little how I feel at this point.
Hi Dara,
Many thanks for the comment, you speak alot of sense in it.
Part of me believes that I have been with my girlfirend during a part of her life where she was adjusting from one stage to another , (leaving her 20's) and I don't want to feel that I have been with her through this adjustment phase in her life only for someone else to gain from my patience and understanding in the relationship over the 5 years. Maybe that is very very unfair to say but a little how I feel at this point.
Hi John,
It is great to have a girl who is beautiful, thoughtful, care, etc. but as you already said she is a bit anti-social. By my understanding, apart from our happy relation, we also seek others approval especially our family and close friends. Your willingness to go to her country can even look like an approval for her demands. Also, I am afraid that one day you become like a rope being pulled by your girl one side while by family and friends from the other side. Or what if you get kids together but she does not allow your parents to along with their grandchildren? You may send off the letter now, but my personal suggestion is that take more time to study the situation. Good luck!
Hi All,
Im aware Kevin is away, Im at a bit of a stuck stage at the moment...My previous posts should be below on this page somewhere if someone wants to follow along, Search "David".
We have now started talking slightly and I asked her if she wanted to hang out, she said "Do you think its a bit too soon though? Its all just a bit weird"..so i calmly suggested if shes not comfortable, we can give it a miss..but then she replied "Im comfortable I just dont want to complicate things between us"
we met up and had a good time, the hug at the end was a nice long hug and lasted about 20 secs+ and got a text after saying "It was good to see you again x"
Ive seen her 2 times since then (1 the next day when i drove her home, because she left her shoes in the car after the meetup, so she asked if i could pick her up to collect her shoes), and then again the next day coz I had day off work and she said I should meet her on her dinner. So I have basically met her 3 days in a row, Hug at the end when saying bye, but the 2nd two hugs were only 2secs long.
We have also sort of agreed to meet up in 1 weeks time after work, when I said "Dont do anything Friday, im picking you up from work to surprise you". She didnt object
Sometimes she seems bit short/doesn't reply to my texts and its usually me initiating contact, although she has initiated ..although rarely.
My thoughts are that she wouldnt want to meet/do anything with me if she didnt want to get back with me...but then I think she might be over me and therefore she can be around me without feeling anything? and has accepted that we work better as friends?
She already knows my intentions Im 90% sure as I did lots of mistakes during the weeks split up, wrote poem, wrote a letter, explained my wrongs and that I love her etc and want to get back with her etc.
Just would like to get some other peoples opinions...Im going to take it slowly with her and do a few more meet-ups etc...I just dont want to make the mistake of falling into the friendzone....I know that Ryan said FalseFriendship is the way to go and that the feeling of intimate with friends doesnt go away.
I sooo hope this is true!..Anyone else reached this stage? A womans view would be amazing!
P.S I think its important to know that we WERE bestfriends BEFORE we got together as she was with my bestfriend...and so was genuinely close. She has previously mentioned that we should just be friends...so not sure if Ryan's False Friendship works in this scenario.
Weve been split about 2 months now
Thanks
That's great, keep taking it slow and I think you'll get somewhere with it
That's great, keep taking it slow and I think you'll get somewhere with it
Hi All,
I have posted my comment, but I have posted it under another article where I initially asked for advice,
https://exbackpermanently.com/sneaky-signs-your-ex-still-loves-you-even-if-they-say-they-dont/#comment-25189
If someone could have a quick read or give advice it would be much appreciated!..especially a woman :)
Thank you :)
i replied,but i cant find my comment
Thank you for taking the time, however i cant see it either :(
david i will write it above your comment
david i will write it above your comment
david i will write it above your comment
david i will write it above your comment
Thank you for taking the time, however i cant see it either :(
Thank you for taking the time, however i cant see it either :(
i replied,but i cant find my comment
david,
i hope this one will be posted :D. as a woman i have never accepted to talk or meet an ex if i had no feelings for him.i think she likes you.don't worry about the falsefriendship you won't get stuck in friendzone until she start to talk about her emotions for another guy.be cool,don't worry about the 2 sec hugs.the shorter it is, the better for you.don't try to be romantic.the more you try not to be romantic and act like you two are just friends,the more romantic it will turn out to be later.don't talk about the break up or any negative thing that has happened. show that your improving something in your personal life.show interest in her GSL.be cool about every thing.don't show her that you want her back.don't always initiate contact first,if you chase him once,let her chase you the next time.if she is warm ,you be warm.if she is cold,you be cold.don't insist on going out every week.give yourself some time like 2 weeks and then start fresh.and during this time be very cool about everything show that your busy doing something about your GSL.and if she contacts you be very cool and friendly to her.and when you meet her she doesn't need to know how you really feel for her.just be the guy or even the better guy than you were when you two first met.let it be her idea to get back with you. hope i could help a little :)
Thanks a lot a.z. we have already arranged to meet next Friday, So I guess I'll just leave her be until closer to the date, instead of making small talk all time ha.
Also she's off to a festival the week after for 7 days :(. So I'll txt her wishing her fun but leave it at that. Think I'll wait 3 days after she gets back to contact her. Thanks so much x
that sounds cool,wish u good luck david :)
that sounds cool,wish u good luck david :)
that sounds cool,wish u good luck david :)
Thanks a lot a.z. we have already arranged to meet next Friday, So I guess I'll just leave her be until closer to the date, instead of making small talk all time ha.
Also she's off to a festival the week after for 7 days :(. So I'll txt her wishing her fun but leave it at that. Think I'll wait 3 days after she gets back to contact her. Thanks so much x
Dear everyone,
Today I'm feeling pretty low and miss him a lot. The hard part is that I live back with my family and there's zero sympathy (not because I've done something wrong but they've always been that way, so I'm not surprised). It's been really hard because I feel lonely though I live with others and when I was alone I felt less loneliness, weird! But every time something positive happens to me no one cares, every person in my life atm is living in their own bubble. I'm getting published and the first thing I hear from my family is 'what a waste of time and energy, go do something that'll get you more money' and the thing is I am. I'm going to college and there is plenty of job prospects in what I'm doing but this move is very fresh, it's only been a month and I need time to adjust and start my life over. Then, this morning I wake up and guess who invades my thoughts first thing? yes, my ex. I'm not wallowing in pain and agony over him but yesterday I was determined to get over my past and today is a different story. He's there, my logic says there's no future with this guy but my heart is fighting that notion. I guess if the heart did have a brain none of us would be in this situation. Is anyone else struggling today? How do you 'un-miss' somebody you love?
Rihanna,
Ruth is right that it is a process. We cannot make it straight to moving on that easy. It is like a mood swing, one time you are find, the other time you will be desperate.
But I advise to acknowledge when you feel pained. Cry it out if you feel like it. But don't break the NC just because of that sudden hormonal imbalance. We tend to do crazy things when we are emotionally unstable. If you will cling to him again just because you feel like you crave for him again, think about it in the long run. The more you cling to him during the break-up, the more you allow yourself to be used by him so that he can move on because he can see how desperate you are. Until one day will come when he has moved on because you are always there within his reach and you will see yourself still running after him.
The more you make yourself available and vulnerable for him to see the more he will take advantage of that weakness of yours. The more he will not value your presence simply because you are just there.
NC is really hard but it will benefit you more. Don't make it easy for him to move on by being always available. It is hard, yes. But you have to be fair with yourself. You also need some moving on to do. If not now, then when are you going to try to move on? Starting is always the hardest part but once you do, you'll see yourself progressing everyday.
Goodluck, Rihanna!
Rihanna,
I recommend that you read articles about how to move on and overcome heart breaks. Its nkt harsh like telling thath there is no chamce. Most of it are just guidelines how to get over the pain. It will be helpful for your NC. goodluck. Jyst try it. I recommend it to everyone. I felt a lot better after reading some.
hang in there.. I think it is a process. It is perfectly normal to feel fine one minute and then miss him the next. That has been my experience. I think you just have to sit with it (while still going on with your life and doing good things for YOU), and also have compassion for yourself. I find that hard because I want to feel okay now, and am tired of this process.. but it is what it is. I really miss my ex today too. :/ Yesterday, I was a bit better. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Also, I came across this tonight (and then proceeded to bawl my eyes out while reading it) but people do have helpful advice in it:
http://ask.metafilter.com/240189/Still-miss-my-ex-and-struggling-to-move-on
Rihanna,
Take it easy girl. It is a normal feeling that we all have. Time will make the intensity these contradictory feelings low and lower. Just wait and see.
Thank you very much for your support Ruth and Dara, and good luck to you also. We all need to hang in there and see, I'm hopeful for what the future may bring but hopefully that 'hope' isn't coming from denial and the 'hope' I'll reconnect with him some day. I'm also scared of growing old lonely and alone with nothing to share and no love. I'm scared of becoming that bitter-old-woman with a million cat (lol) that people avoid and in the end die alone. I'm scared of not reaching 'independence' a path I've never taken before and in the end to end up homeless and hungry. All this fear will either hinder my growth or drive me to new heights in life. I hope what we're going through today will only give us a new found strength for a better tomorrow. Good luck!
Hi Rihanna
First off, well done on getting published. I know you have mention before that you write poetry, so that's very impressive that you are getting your work published. No matter how big or small the work is you should be celebrating and not letting others (even family) knock you back for achieving this.
Interesting hope has been on the front of my thoughts for the last couple of days. Yesterday I went for a drive to a town about a hour up the coast from where I live and just walked around for a couple of hours and enjoyed a coffee. I think it was the first real thing that I've done for me alone without any ulterior motive of trying to impress the Ex. I spent some of that time just thinking about hope as the email I got from Kevin yesterday was talking about having an abundance mentality. That there are plenty of opportunities out there to find new love and with that attitude we are in a good place of being attractive to our Ex again.
I know how it feels to think that this is it, no more chances for you. That is a big struggle with myself and honestly I did have a laugh about the comment of owning a million cats. In my neighbourhood there is a cat lady who owns about 20 cats and the meow and poop all over the place. Every time I walk past her house you have to stop breathing due to the smell of cat poop. Please don't become like that lady, that would be a horrible way to live. This is where hope comes in, yes I hope things will work out with my ex, but at the end the day I live with hope that love wont elude me, with or without my Ex, even if I cant see how that will happen. Have hope for yourself too even if today you are living in the country with your parents and nothing seems to be going right. This phase is only short term and things will work out, plus look on the bright side, if it wasn't for this mess you would of never meet Kevin, Daniel, RAED, Ruth, Dara and all the other wonderful people here :)
Hi Rihanna
First off, well done on getting published. I know you have mention before that you write poetry, so that's very impressive that you are getting your work published. No matter how big or small the work is you should be celebrating and not letting others (even family) knock you back for achieving this.
Interesting hope has been on the front of my thoughts for the last couple of days. Yesterday I went for a drive to a town about a hour up the coast from where I live and just walked around for a couple of hours and enjoyed a coffee. I think it was the first real thing that I've done for me alone without any ulterior motive of trying to impress the Ex. I spent some of that time just thinking about hope as the email I got from Kevin yesterday was talking about having an abundance mentality. That there are plenty of opportunities out there to find new love and with that attitude we are in a good place of being attractive to our Ex again.
I know how it feels to think that this is it, no more chances for you. That is a big struggle with myself and honestly I did have a laugh about the comment of owning a million cats. In my neighbourhood there is a cat lady who owns about 20 cats and the meow and poop all over the place. Every time I walk past her house you have to stop breathing due to the smell of cat poop. Please don't become like that lady, that would be a horrible way to live. This is where hope comes in, yes I hope things will work out with my ex, but at the end the day I live with hope that love wont elude me, with or without my Ex, even if I cant see how that will happen. Have hope for yourself too even if today you are living in the country with your parents and nothing seems to be going right. This phase is only short term and things will work out, plus look on the bright side, if it wasn't for this mess you would of never meet Kevin, Daniel, RAED, Ruth, Dara and all the other wonderful people here :)
Hi Rihanna
First off, well done on getting published. I know you have mention before that you write poetry, so that's very impressive that you are getting your work published. No matter how big or small the work is you should be celebrating and not letting others (even family) knock you back for achieving this.
Interesting hope has been on the front of my thoughts for the last couple of days. Yesterday I went for a drive to a town about a hour up the coast from where I live and just walked around for a couple of hours and enjoyed a coffee. I think it was the first real thing that I've done for me alone without any ulterior motive of trying to impress the Ex. I spent some of that time just thinking about hope as the email I got from Kevin yesterday was talking about having an abundance mentality. That there are plenty of opportunities out there to find new love and with that attitude we are in a good place of being attractive to our Ex again.
I know how it feels to think that this is it, no more chances for you. That is a big struggle with myself and honestly I did have a laugh about the comment of owning a million cats. In my neighbourhood there is a cat lady who owns about 20 cats and the meow and poop all over the place. Every time I walk past her house you have to stop breathing due to the smell of cat poop. Please don't become like that lady, that would be a horrible way to live. This is where hope comes in, yes I hope things will work out with my ex, but at the end the day I live with hope that love wont elude me, with or without my Ex, even if I cant see how that will happen. Have hope for yourself too even if today you are living in the country with your parents and nothing seems to be going right. This phase is only short term and things will work out, plus look on the bright side, if it wasn't for this mess you would of never meet Kevin, Daniel, RAED, Ruth, Dara and all the other wonderful people here :)
Hi Rihanna
First off, well done on getting published. I know you have mention before that you write poetry, so that's very impressive that you are getting your work published. No matter how big or small the work is you should be celebrating and not letting others (even family) knock you back for achieving this.
Interesting hope has been on the front of my thoughts for the last couple of days. Yesterday I went for a drive to a town about a hour up the coast from where I live and just walked around for a couple of hours and enjoyed a coffee. I think it was the first real thing that I've done for me alone without any ulterior motive of trying to impress the Ex. I spent some of that time just thinking about hope as the email I got from Kevin yesterday was talking about having an abundance mentality. That there are plenty of opportunities out there to find new love and with that attitude we are in a good place of being attractive to our Ex again.
I know how it feels to think that this is it, no more chances for you. That is a big struggle with myself and honestly I did have a laugh about the comment of owning a million cats. In my neighbourhood there is a cat lady who owns about 20 cats and the meow and poop all over the place. Every time I walk past her house you have to stop breathing due to the smell of cat poop. Please don't become like that lady, that would be a horrible way to live. This is where hope comes in, yes I hope things will work out with my ex, but at the end the day I live with hope that love wont elude me, with or without my Ex, even if I cant see how that will happen. Have hope for yourself too even if today you are living in the country with your parents and nothing seems to be going right. This phase is only short term and things will work out, plus look on the bright side, if it wasn't for this mess you would of never meet Kevin, Daniel, RAED, Ruth, Dara and all the other wonderful people here :)
Hi Rihanna
First off, well done on getting published. I know you have mention before that you write poetry, so that's very impressive that you are getting your work published. No matter how big or small the work is you should be celebrating and not letting others (even family) knock you back for achieving this.
Interesting hope has been on the front of my thoughts for the last couple of days. Yesterday I went for a drive to a town about a hour up the coast from where I live and just walked around for a couple of hours and enjoyed a coffee. I think it was the first real thing that I've done for me alone without any ulterior motive of trying to impress the Ex. I spent some of that time just thinking about hope as the email I got from Kevin yesterday was talking about having an abundance mentality. That there are plenty of opportunities out there to find new love and with that attitude we are in a good place of being attractive to our Ex again.
I know how it feels to think that this is it, no more chances for you. That is a big struggle with myself and honestly I did have a laugh about the comment of owning a million cats. In my neighbourhood there is a cat lady who owns about 20 cats and the meow and poop all over the place. Every time I walk past her house you have to stop breathing due to the smell of cat poop. Please don't become like that lady, that would be a horrible way to live. This is where hope comes in, yes I hope things will work out with my ex, but at the end the day I live with hope that love wont elude me, with or without my Ex, even if I cant see how that will happen. Have hope for yourself too even if today you are living in the country with your parents and nothing seems to be going right. This phase is only short term and things will work out, plus look on the bright side, if it wasn't for this mess you would of never meet Kevin, Daniel, RAED, Ruth, Dara and all the other wonderful people here :)
Thank you very much for your support Ruth and Dara, and good luck to you also. We all need to hang in there and see, I'm hopeful for what the future may bring but hopefully that 'hope' isn't coming from denial and the 'hope' I'll reconnect with him some day. I'm also scared of growing old lonely and alone with nothing to share and no love. I'm scared of becoming that bitter-old-woman with a million cat (lol) that people avoid and in the end die alone. I'm scared of not reaching 'independence' a path I've never taken before and in the end to end up homeless and hungry. All this fear will either hinder my growth or drive me to new heights in life. I hope what we're going through today will only give us a new found strength for a better tomorrow. Good luck!
Thank you very much for your support Ruth and Dara, and good luck to you also. We all need to hang in there and see, I'm hopeful for what the future may bring but hopefully that 'hope' isn't coming from denial and the 'hope' I'll reconnect with him some day. I'm also scared of growing old lonely and alone with nothing to share and no love. I'm scared of becoming that bitter-old-woman with a million cat (lol) that people avoid and in the end die alone. I'm scared of not reaching 'independence' a path I've never taken before and in the end to end up homeless and hungry. All this fear will either hinder my growth or drive me to new heights in life. I hope what we're going through today will only give us a new found strength for a better tomorrow. Good luck!
Thank you very much for your support Ruth and Dara, and good luck to you also. We all need to hang in there and see, I'm hopeful for what the future may bring but hopefully that 'hope' isn't coming from denial and the 'hope' I'll reconnect with him some day. I'm also scared of growing old lonely and alone with nothing to share and no love. I'm scared of becoming that bitter-old-woman with a million cat (lol) that people avoid and in the end die alone. I'm scared of not reaching 'independence' a path I've never taken before and in the end to end up homeless and hungry. All this fear will either hinder my growth or drive me to new heights in life. I hope what we're going through today will only give us a new found strength for a better tomorrow. Good luck!
Rihanna,
Take it easy girl. It is a normal feeling that we all have. Time will make the intensity these contradictory feelings low and lower. Just wait and see.
Rihanna,
Take it easy girl. It is a normal feeling that we all have. Time will make the intensity these contradictory feelings low and lower. Just wait and see.
Rihanna,
Ruth is right that it is a process. We cannot make it straight to moving on that easy. It is like a mood swing, one time you are find, the other time you will be desperate.
But I advise to acknowledge when you feel pained. Cry it out if you feel like it. But don't break the NC just because of that sudden hormonal imbalance. We tend to do crazy things when we are emotionally unstable. If you will cling to him again just because you feel like you crave for him again, think about it in the long run. The more you cling to him during the break-up, the more you allow yourself to be used by him so that he can move on because he can see how desperate you are. Until one day will come when he has moved on because you are always there within his reach and you will see yourself still running after him.
The more you make yourself available and vulnerable for him to see the more he will take advantage of that weakness of yours. The more he will not value your presence simply because you are just there.
NC is really hard but it will benefit you more. Don't make it easy for him to move on by being always available. It is hard, yes. But you have to be fair with yourself. You also need some moving on to do. If not now, then when are you going to try to move on? Starting is always the hardest part but once you do, you'll see yourself progressing everyday.
Goodluck, Rihanna!
Rihanna,
I recommend that you read articles about how to move on and overcome heart breaks. Its nkt harsh like telling thath there is no chamce. Most of it are just guidelines how to get over the pain. It will be helpful for your NC. goodluck. Jyst try it. I recommend it to everyone. I felt a lot better after reading some.
hang in there.. I think it is a process. It is perfectly normal to feel fine one minute and then miss him the next. That has been my experience. I think you just have to sit with it (while still going on with your life and doing good things for YOU), and also have compassion for yourself. I find that hard because I want to feel okay now, and am tired of this process.. but it is what it is. I really miss my ex today too. :/ Yesterday, I was a bit better. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Also, I came across this tonight (and then proceeded to bawl my eyes out while reading it) but people do have helpful advice in it:
http://ask.metafilter.com/240189/Still-miss-my-ex-and-struggling-to-move-on
I just received kevin's last email in the series. It was sad. His emails were really a bug help. Even the last one still gave me hope that i can get her back. Thanks to kevin everyone here finds comfort. I am aware that somehow that he is slowly teaching us to move on but at the same time gives us hope and a foghting chance to get our exes back. You are a great person. Helping people in despair. Though i cant give you anything. I appreciate you a lot. You really helped me in an emotional level. I cant thank you enough for what you did to me. I am also studying about breakups and female psychology. In time i hope to return the favor by passing it on. After my ordeal has passed i will still try to stay active here and give suggestions and comfort to others. We owe a lot to you kevin. Thank you.
I support this message in saying that Kevin with his daily emails has helped me the most over the past 6 weeks. You are doing a great job Kevin, thank you very much. I like the fact how you can balance out keeping hope alive for us, but still helping us prepare for the worst case scenario. Plus I have to say this has been by far the best community of readers around in supporting one another. I put that down to the fact we are all in the same position.
Thanks again Kevin
Thank you Steve, I enjoyed reading your message and I think I may have a friend in that neighbour of yours 'the lady with 20 cats' lol. I really enjoy it here as well, I think the genius about Kevin's forum is that it's open for everyone to come together and share their stories about something we all have in common, unfortunately. In any event, it's been great to meet new people and I feel like I've made friends on this forum. This might sound big cheesy lol, but it would be sad to cut connections with each other cos I've received more support from your guys than people that I've known for years. It has been hard and I'm trying to move on as we all are but I have this 'hopeful' feeling that great things are awaiting and all I have to do is let go of all the fear... Thank you very much for your congratulatory words and I wish us all a better future and brighter days ahead. All my love to you all xxx
Dear friends,
Can I ask you about the contradictory parts of your brain and relate it to your NC day? I am on 50th day of NC. Recently, the part that says "being single is the best" has been suppressing others. Maybe because I am getting to conclusion that reconciliation is close to impossible because apart from her, apparently her friends also don't have positive view about me. Who cares? LOL
Congratulations to you a.z!! It great to hear that you made him contact you!! I will keep you advice in my mind. This is what I am doing for now. Good luck to you!!
dara,
after my ex and i broke up i went on NC about a month and i was ok with being single.it was like one day i missed him so much and the next day i was ok with it.he texted me on 34th day and contacted me and i felt in love with him all over again.also most of his friends didn't have a positive view about me but i don't care,if we are supposed to get back and we act the right way,we will.this is when you want her back.but if your brain is telling you that you are ok being off without your ex most of the time,and you think its best for you not to get back,then i think you should continue your NC untill you make sure how u really feel for her.
Congratulations to you a.z!! It great to hear that you made him contact you!! I will keep you advice in my mind. This is what I am doing for now. Good luck to you!!
dara,
after my ex and i broke up i went on NC about a month and i was ok with being single.it was like one day i missed him so much and the next day i was ok with it.he texted me on 34th day and contacted me and i felt in love with him all over again.also most of his friends didn't have a positive view about me but i don't care,if we are supposed to get back and we act the right way,we will.this is when you want her back.but if your brain is telling you that you are ok being off without your ex most of the time,and you think its best for you not to get back,then i think you should continue your NC untill you make sure how u really feel for her.
Congratulations to you a.z!! It great to hear that you made him contact you!! I will keep you advice in my mind. This is what I am doing for now. Good luck to you!!
dara,
after my ex and i broke up i went on NC about a month and i was ok with being single.it was like one day i missed him so much and the next day i was ok with it.he texted me on 34th day and contacted me and i felt in love with him all over again.also most of his friends didn't have a positive view about me but i don't care,if we are supposed to get back and we act the right way,we will.this is when you want her back.but if your brain is telling you that you are ok being off without your ex most of the time,and you think its best for you not to get back,then i think you should continue your NC untill you make sure how u really feel for her.
Congratulations to you a.z!! It great to hear that you made him contact you!! I will keep you advice in my mind. This is what I am doing for now. Good luck to you!!
dara,
after my ex and i broke up i went on NC about a month and i was ok with being single.it was like one day i missed him so much and the next day i was ok with it.he texted me on 34th day and contacted me and i felt in love with him all over again.also most of his friends didn't have a positive view about me but i don't care,if we are supposed to get back and we act the right way,we will.this is when you want her back.but if your brain is telling you that you are ok being off without your ex most of the time,and you think its best for you not to get back,then i think you should continue your NC untill you make sure how u really feel for her.
Congratulations to you a.z!! It great to hear that you made him contact you!! I will keep you advice in my mind. This is what I am doing for now. Good luck to you!!
dara,
after my ex and i broke up i went on NC about a month and i was ok with being single.it was like one day i missed him so much and the next day i was ok with it.he texted me on 34th day and contacted me and i felt in love with him all over again.also most of his friends didn't have a positive view about me but i don't care,if we are supposed to get back and we act the right way,we will.this is when you want her back.but if your brain is telling you that you are ok being off without your ex most of the time,and you think its best for you not to get back,then i think you should continue your NC untill you make sure how u really feel for her.
Dear friends,
Can I ask you about the contradictory parts of your brain and relate it to your NC day? I am on 50th day of NC. Recently, the part that says "being single is the best" has been suppressing others. Maybe because I am getting to conclusion that reconciliation is close to impossible because apart from her, apparently her friends also don't have positive view about me. Who cares? LOL
Dear friends,
Can I ask you about the contradictory parts of your brain and relate it to your NC day? I am on 50th day of NC. Recently, the part that says "being single is the best" has been suppressing others. Maybe because I am getting to conclusion that reconciliation is close to impossible because apart from her, apparently her friends also don't have positive view about me. Who cares? LOL
Dear friends,
Can I ask you about the contradictory parts of your brain and relate it to your NC day? I am on 50th day of NC. Recently, the part that says "being single is the best" has been suppressing others. Maybe because I am getting to conclusion that reconciliation is close to impossible because apart from her, apparently her friends also don't have positive view about me. Who cares? LOL
Thank you Steve, I enjoyed reading your message and I think I may have a friend in that neighbour of yours 'the lady with 20 cats' lol. I really enjoy it here as well, I think the genius about Kevin's forum is that it's open for everyone to come together and share their stories about something we all have in common, unfortunately. In any event, it's been great to meet new people and I feel like I've made friends on this forum. This might sound big cheesy lol, but it would be sad to cut connections with each other cos I've received more support from your guys than people that I've known for years. It has been hard and I'm trying to move on as we all are but I have this 'hopeful' feeling that great things are awaiting and all I have to do is let go of all the fear... Thank you very much for your congratulatory words and I wish us all a better future and brighter days ahead. All my love to you all xxx
Thank you Steve, I enjoyed reading your message and I think I may have a friend in that neighbour of yours 'the lady with 20 cats' lol. I really enjoy it here as well, I think the genius about Kevin's forum is that it's open for everyone to come together and share their stories about something we all have in common, unfortunately. In any event, it's been great to meet new people and I feel like I've made friends on this forum. This might sound big cheesy lol, but it would be sad to cut connections with each other cos I've received more support from your guys than people that I've known for years. It has been hard and I'm trying to move on as we all are but I have this 'hopeful' feeling that great things are awaiting and all I have to do is let go of all the fear... Thank you very much for your congratulatory words and I wish us all a better future and brighter days ahead. All my love to you all xxx
Daneil, a.z. and RAED,
I believe Kevin witnesses people who are lost and wounded in the jungle of their relationship come here. Also, he guides them until they are somehow found and healed. Even though many start their stories by phrases like, "My case is very special", I believe to Kevin its the same old story. Yet, his response is implies, "Yes, lets see what can we do"
I should confess that I was one of those who would suggest that you should bluntly tell a friend to move on, if they broke up. Guess what!! My best friend in this town did it to me and I never spoke about my feeling about to him anymore. However, Kevin does it with the knowledge of psychology. He does it with style!
Thank you Kevin!
Guys,
Is there a way we can talk more conviniently and get in touch better? Like a
group chat or some sort. Do u know anything like that? I believe it would benefit us all. :)
Daniel,
I guess this is okay for now. Maybe later Kevin can add an open forum for discussions but there are chances it get out of control with unrelated remarks. About other options, it is highly important to be anonymous. Its a secret meeting between us here! LOL
Yeah I like that idea too and hopefully it can get suggested to Kevin about creating a proper forum to share, discuss and encourage. I know I mentioned a few days ago, but like Rihanna I went across to the forum that Kevin linked and it is populated by the same 2-3 people who are very harsh and critical. One of the posters says almost the same thing in every thread and she has posted over 5000 times. It really shuts you down in a negative way, that's why I like coming back here most days as you get solid support from Kevin and from all you :)
Yeah I like that idea too and hopefully it can get suggested to Kevin about creating a proper forum to share, discuss and encourage. I know I mentioned a few days ago, but like Rihanna I went across to the forum that Kevin linked and it is populated by the same 2-3 people who are very harsh and critical. One of the posters says almost the same thing in every thread and she has posted over 5000 times. It really shuts you down in a negative way, that's why I like coming back here most days as you get solid support from Kevin and from all you :)
Yeah I like that idea too and hopefully it can get suggested to Kevin about creating a proper forum to share, discuss and encourage. I know I mentioned a few days ago, but like Rihanna I went across to the forum that Kevin linked and it is populated by the same 2-3 people who are very harsh and critical. One of the posters says almost the same thing in every thread and she has posted over 5000 times. It really shuts you down in a negative way, that's why I like coming back here most days as you get solid support from Kevin and from all you :)
Yeah I like that idea too and hopefully it can get suggested to Kevin about creating a proper forum to share, discuss and encourage. I know I mentioned a few days ago, but like Rihanna I went across to the forum that Kevin linked and it is populated by the same 2-3 people who are very harsh and critical. One of the posters says almost the same thing in every thread and she has posted over 5000 times. It really shuts you down in a negative way, that's why I like coming back here most days as you get solid support from Kevin and from all you :)
Yeah I like that idea too and hopefully it can get suggested to Kevin about creating a proper forum to share, discuss and encourage. I know I mentioned a few days ago, but like Rihanna I went across to the forum that Kevin linked and it is populated by the same 2-3 people who are very harsh and critical. One of the posters says almost the same thing in every thread and she has posted over 5000 times. It really shuts you down in a negative way, that's why I like coming back here most days as you get solid support from Kevin and from all you :)
Daniel,
I guess this is okay for now. Maybe later Kevin can add an open forum for discussions but there are chances it get out of control with unrelated remarks. About other options, it is highly important to be anonymous. Its a secret meeting between us here! LOL
Daniel,
I guess this is okay for now. Maybe later Kevin can add an open forum for discussions but there are chances it get out of control with unrelated remarks. About other options, it is highly important to be anonymous. Its a secret meeting between us here! LOL
Daniel,
I guess this is okay for now. Maybe later Kevin can add an open forum for discussions but there are chances it get out of control with unrelated remarks. About other options, it is highly important to be anonymous. Its a secret meeting between us here! LOL
Guys,
Is there a way we can talk more conviniently and get in touch better? Like a facebook group chat or some sort. Do u know anything like that? I believe it would benefit us all. :)
Guys,
Is there a way we can talk more conviniently and get in touch better? Like a
group chat or some sort. Do u know anything like that? I believe it would benefit us all. :)
Guys,
Is there a way we can talk more conviniently and get in touch better? Like a facebook group chat or some sort. Do u know anything like that? I believe it would benefit us all. :)
Guys,
Is there a way we can talk more conviniently and get in touch better? Like a
group chat or some sort. Do u know anything like that? I believe it would benefit us all. :)
Guys,
Is there a way we can talk more conviniently and get in touch better? Like a facebook group chat or some sort. Do u know anything like that? I believe it would benefit us all. :)
Daniel,
I agree! Kevin's way gives us hope of reconciliation witj our exes but at the same time teaches us how to move on in a healthy way. I didn't think that two ironic things could go together but it somehow did. It's like getting your ex back but more on how to get ourselves back.
Thank you so much, Kevin. God bless your heart.
he is amazing,i can't imagine how i have always been acting wrong in my relationships.he helped me a lot and i wish i could do something for him in return.he helped me through those horrible nights,he changed my life.changed my perspective of life and relationship.i learned alot its kinda crazy but till now i have helped 3 of my friends in their relationships LOL. when it comes to my own relationship i still get a little confused but i'm working myself. now i feel kevin is like a friend that has always been supportive and now that he is away i kinda miss him.
I support this message in saying that Kevin with his daily emails has helped me the most over the past 6 weeks. You are doing a great job Kevin, thank you very much. I like the fact how you can balance out keeping hope alive for us, but still helping us prepare for the worst case scenario. Plus I have to say this has been by far the best community of readers around in supporting one another. I put that down to the fact we are all in the same position.
Thanks again Kevin
Daneil, a.z. and RAED,
I believe Kevin witnesses people who are lost and wounded in the jungle of their relationship come here. Also, he guides them until they are somehow found and healed. Even though many start their stories by phrases like, "My case is very special", I believe to Kevin its the same old story. Yet, his response is implies, "Yes, lets see what can we do"
I should confess that I was one of those who would suggest that you should bluntly tell a friend to move on, if they broke up. Guess what!! My best friend in this town did it to me and I never spoke about my feeling about to him anymore. However, Kevin does it with the knowledge of psychology. He does it with style!
Thank you Kevin!
Daniel,
I agree! Kevin's way gives us hope of reconciliation witj our exes but at the same time teaches us how to move on in a healthy way. I didn't think that two ironic things could go together but it somehow did. It's like getting your ex back but more on how to get ourselves back.
Thank you so much, Kevin. God bless your heart.
he is amazing,i can't imagine how i have always been acting wrong in my relationships.he helped me a lot and i wish i could do something for him in return.he helped me through those horrible nights,he changed my life.changed my perspective of life and relationship.i learned alot its kinda crazy but till now i have helped 3 of my friends in their relationships LOL. when it comes to my own relationship i still get a little confused but i'm working myself. now i feel kevin is like a friend that has always been supportive and now that he is away i kinda miss him.
Hey Kevin,
Your advice is really helpful but I am finding it difficult to follow. I finally wrote my ex one last time today (kept messaging him every two weeks). I've decided not to contact him again until September and even kept a tally chart to help me with that. Relationships get so complicated.
I texted my ex today. She didnt reply lol. Start of classes are tomorrow and its a holiday today in our country. So i grabbed the opportunity to greet her and wish her luck on her studies. I also tried to create false friendship. I said that i hope in time we can be friends coz she is a good person. It would be nice and cool. And not a budge. Now im watching her social media to see what she feels about my message. I also noticed that shes in a lot of pain right now trying to release it through quotes and random messages. She also tweeted to one of her buddies that she might have done bad decisions. Im not assuming it pertains to us. But i hope so! Haha! So there you go. Anyway i am moving on for the good of myself. :)
I've talked to my ex on three separate occasions via text. I initiated two and he initiated one. All were short and sweet and positive from what I could tell. I texted him yesterday a funny meme and told him how it reminded me of a past time we had. The past time wasn't romantic but it was filled with great conversation. Anyway, he hasn't replied to it at all. He works where sometimes they can lose cell reception but from what I could tell he was in a place with reception for a while before losing service.
What would cause him to not respond? How long should I wait to initiate talking again?
Rina,
As Kevin's articles say, yes he will miss you. He already missed you a bit. Also, as Kevin's articles say, every missing someone does not guarantee reunification. They are two different aspects. An empty house will probably make him miss old good days more but, is that still sufficient enough for him to make a move towards you, no one can say.
For now you simply prove yourself and him that you are a strong independent girl. That is more attractive. Good luck!!
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
Rina,
As far as I can recollect, you did a great job last time. Making him initiate a talk was superb. For now, don't think negative. Maybe he had/has a real busy day. For next times, I recommend you to ask him for out. I am not sure but "good-old memory" message is sweet for once but it will be too sugary if you use it more. Face to face conversation can spark a lot of positive emotions. All you can do now is to wait for a while. Maybe a couple of days and then initiate another conversation. Good luck!!
Dara,
Thanks so much for being here for me. Since we have kind of a long distance relationship I think I need to build a little bit more rapport before seeing him face to face. He's going to be gone until August (he'll work three months straight) so it'll be a little hard to see if/when I can visit him. I think I might've been too sugary, but after his reply I was going to start asking about his work to get him off that subject. I think waiting a few days will be a good idea. I'm starting to get anxious and that can't be a good mindset if I want to get him back.
Thanks!
Rina,
Anyhow you wouldn't see him until August. So you've got enough time to play it cool. Take this time to prove him that you are mentally strong. This will make him miss you when he comes back. When you talk to him before he's back, try to have it on Skype. Good luck!!
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
Dara,
Do you really think this will help him miss me? I'm sure he has to already miss me a little after dating two years and having all these serious plans..
Plus, coming home to no one and an empty apartment is going to hit him eventually, right?
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
Dara,
Do you really think this will help him miss me? I'm sure he has to already miss me a little after dating two years and having all these serious plans..
Plus, coming home to no one and an empty apartment is going to hit him eventually, right?
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
Dara,
Do you really think this will help him miss me? I'm sure he has to already miss me a little after dating two years and having all these serious plans..
Plus, coming home to no one and an empty apartment is going to hit him eventually, right?
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
Dara,
Do you really think this will help him miss me? I'm sure he has to already miss me a little after dating two years and having all these serious plans..
Plus, coming home to no one and an empty apartment is going to hit him eventually, right?
hey guys,
i think dara is right,be cool and confident this is really attractive.try to have the conversation on skpe or anything like that then be funny and positive or everything you know he likes about you.this will make him miss you more.don't bring up anything about the breakup or any negative memory.show that your doing great in your life without him and you are successful and enjoying your life,talk about the good things you are doing with your friends,this makes him want to be next to you when your having such a great life and also show your support about what he is doing.
Dara,
Do you really think this will help him miss me? I'm sure he has to already miss me a little after dating two years and having all these serious plans..
Plus, coming home to no one and an empty apartment is going to hit him eventually, right?
Rina,
Anyhow you wouldn't see him until August. So you've got enough time to play it cool. Take this time to prove him that you are mentally strong. This will make him miss you when he comes back. When you talk to him before he's back, try to have it on Skype. Good luck!!
Rina,
Anyhow you wouldn't see him until August. So you've got enough time to play it cool. Take this time to prove him that you are mentally strong. This will make him miss you when he comes back. When you talk to him before he's back, try to have it on Skype. Good luck!!
Rina,
Anyhow you wouldn't see him until August. So you've got enough time to play it cool. Take this time to prove him that you are mentally strong. This will make him miss you when he comes back. When you talk to him before he's back, try to have it on Skype. Good luck!!
Dara,
Thanks so much for being here for me. Since we have kind of a long distance relationship I think I need to build a little bit more rapport before seeing him face to face. He's going to be gone until August (he'll work three months straight) so it'll be a little hard to see if/when I can visit him. I think I might've been too sugary, but after his reply I was going to start asking about his work to get him off that subject. I think waiting a few days will be a good idea. I'm starting to get anxious and that can't be a good mindset if I want to get him back.
Thanks!
Dara,
Thanks so much for being here for me. Since we have kind of a long distance relationship I think I need to build a little bit more rapport before seeing him face to face. He's going to be gone until August (he'll work three months straight) so it'll be a little hard to see if/when I can visit him. I think I might've been too sugary, but after his reply I was going to start asking about his work to get him off that subject. I think waiting a few days will be a good idea. I'm starting to get anxious and that can't be a good mindset if I want to get him back.
Thanks!
Rina,
As Kevin's articles say, yes he will miss you. He already missed you a bit. Also, as Kevin's articles say, every missing someone does not guarantee reunification. They are two different aspects. An empty house will probably make him miss old good days more but, is that still sufficient enough for him to make a move towards you, no one can say.
For now you simply prove yourself and him that you are a strong independent girl. That is more attractive. Good luck!!
Rina,
As far as I can recollect, you did a great job last time. Making him initiate a talk was superb. For now, don't think negative. Maybe he had/has a real busy day. For next times, I recommend you to ask him for out. I am not sure but "good-old memory" message is sweet for once but it will be too sugary if you use it more. Face to face conversation can spark a lot of positive emotions. All you can do now is to wait for a while. Maybe a couple of days and then initiate another conversation. Good luck!!
dear kevin
you helped me alot for getting back my boy!thanks
Guys,
Guys my ex wont respond to me. I assume im at deaths door now. But honestly im tired. Im feeling better and excellent but every failed attempt is disappointing. Its like a major set back. You feel a bit of pain in your chest and you have to recover again. This process is tiring me out seriously, it's draining, ut sucks the life out of me. I think ill be giving up sooner than i anticipated. I think its best if i move on. I wont initiate any contact anymore. Shes a great woman one of a kind ofcourse because each one of us is unique. But ill find something different. I feel down right now although not intense. I wish us all the best.
Daniel,
How can you say you are on death's door? Maybe she's moved on or on the process but is really firm with her decision of breaking up.
I'm on NC for a week now. And I miss her at tines but not like the crazy miss. At times i want her back but i tell myself that i just miss her not love her. And somehow it helped me to accept the breakup because somehow i really did. I don't know if it will be time for you to move on unless we hear from Kevin but I think you should somehow consider moving on.
I told myself that if I can go through a month of NC with herstill not initiating contact, i will move on. I wouldnt want to waste days and months of doing NC and wanting her in the back of my mind. I guess it is wrong to do NC with the purpose of expecting her to want you back. I guess the main purpose of NC is for you to go on with life without her and atthe same time little by little moving on. For me, i will just be wasting days and months if i will still run after her after the NC, IMO.
If you did Nc for months and expect her to want you back, you just wasted those months still clinging unto her instead of feeling good alone for the time being. When you do NC then she wouldnt contact you, you'll just feel disappointed and hurt and you will see yourself back again to square one. You'll not notice that a year had gone by already on you werent still able to move on. Kevin said if she's cold then be cold. If she's playing hard to get then let her.
You can do the NC again but this time consider moving on too. You'll never know if she needs a year or so to heal and to take away the negative image you have on her. It will be hard, brother but you have to save yourself too.
Goodluck! Keep us updated!
Hi Daniel and everyone,
Daniel, do NOT give up just yet. It seems that wherever I go there's a conciliation story of some sort between couples and unfortunately it's instilling false hope in me though I have this intense feeling that the stubbornness and pride of my ex won't allow reconciliation to happen anytime soon. But most reconciliations happen after a long time has passed and only reunited these couples through pure luck or fate. So, yes there's some hope in reconciling but unfortunately this may happen only when least expected, and not during NC, or when you've moved away and moved on. I'm saying this from other couple's experiences and ,just to be clear, I never initiated this sort of conversation it just happened.
Also, I may have made a mistake but not sure and I need advice on how to fix it or whether it was the right thing to do or not. Well, my ex's brother changed his profile picture to a pitch black nothing and that got me very worried especially cos my ex is not well. So I sent his brother a brief message on facebook saying:
"Dear x, your profile picture got me very worried. Merely as a friend I should be worried so I hope you could find it in your heart to answer to this message and let me know if there's anything wrong, if only a few words of comfort. I do hope you're all well and good luck with your exams."
I'm worried that I may have done wrong by messaging? I am worried about my ex and perhaps the choice of his profile pic seems bit irresponsible on his brother's behalf. What can I do to right this wrong? (if it's wrong, I'm not sure). And if I don't get an answer at all from his brother what should I do then? I'm extending NC another month I think. But in your opinion, do you think it's completely over if my ex ignores my message when I text him in a month time? Plus, he's kept my books at his place does that mean that one day we'll have to get in contact to collect my stuff at least? What does it mean when a guy agrees to keep his ex girlfriend's stuff at his place but ignores her messages? I'm feeling bit down today, the more I socialise the more I realize how much we're good together... Any advice? any help?
Rihanna,
I can see how attached you are to your ex. How long have you broken up? I guess it's time to quit it. Not quit hoping for a reconciliation but quit contact. Quit any contact. Ive read through forums that they should have learned about Nc as early as the breakup because most of them are regretting of the whole begging, pleading thing.
I hate to break it to you and i know how much you are hurting but i would like to tell you something because i know it might help and orevent further damage to you emotionally. The more you make yourself available to your ex, the more he feels empowered. Because he sees you are not yet over him. He plays this game on you and you allow him to. The more you make yourself available to him most of the time the more he will not value your presenceimply because you were never absent.
Do yoursef a favor, QUIT ANY CONTACT. No matter if he is sick or whatever drama he gives yiu. He is enjoyinh his little game for sure. I know how cliche it is to love yourself and that you deserve better but come to think of it, the boy you are most worried and concerned about, does he think about you? Does he care abut you? You know the answer.
He is taking time to do better without you, why not do the same? Sometimes it takes a lot of hurting to learn. And i would rather hurt you with the truth than to allow him to playyou more. The more you run after him the more he feels empowered, the more he can feel that HE IS IN CONTROL and he is your toy. You are allowing yourself to be a doormat and guess what, it is very unattractive.
Rihanna, i know it is hard. But somehow i have pulled myself out a bit of that running after thing so i want to be of help to you. Do no contact. Dont tell him why or how or until when. Do NC suddenly. In that way he will get confused, esp if you have been so clingy then did no contact. It will confuse him, it will remove his power of pkayinghis games on you. He will suddenly feel un-empoweredbecause you are no longer his toy and doormat. He will suddenly panic into thinking that you finally get tired. No matter how much he contacfsyou dont show any interest.appear casual because if you apear clingy again, he will think that you are still weak. Show him wht he's lost.
The moment you stop running after him, the moment he will get confused. And if you become consistent in NC, he might be the one to run after you this time. Just do NC now and if you ever get him back, you can thank me later haha. But if not, ask yourself if you would want a boy who doesnt want you.
Goodluck, and keep us updated!
Thank you very much Raed, I've been doing NC and I'm three days away from completing 30 days but I'm even extending it. I'm in NO CONTACT with him whatsoever but I vent in here cos I miss him and sometimes wonder if he does. But I totally agree with you, I'll never give him the power to make me feel weak cos that's unattractive even to myself. I did act clingy when we first broke up but that's history now! I'll let you know when I contact him in few weeks time if he'll respond and I might get you guys to check my first message to him for some advice. For now, I'm holding on and enjoying life... thanks heaps for your support
Thank you very much Raed, I've been doing NC and I'm three days away from completing 30 days but I'm even extending it. I'm in NO CONTACT with him whatsoever but I vent in here cos I miss him and sometimes wonder if he does. But I totally agree with you, I'll never give him the power to make me feel weak cos that's unattractive even to myself. I did act clingy when we first broke up but that's history now! I'll let you know when I contact him in few weeks time if he'll respond and I might get you guys to check my first message to him for some advice. For now, I'm holding on and enjoying life... thanks heaps for your support
Thank you very much Raed, I've been doing NC and I'm three days away from completing 30 days but I'm even extending it. I'm in NO CONTACT with him whatsoever but I vent in here cos I miss him and sometimes wonder if he does. But I totally agree with you, I'll never give him the power to make me feel weak cos that's unattractive even to myself. I did act clingy when we first broke up but that's history now! I'll let you know when I contact him in few weeks time if he'll respond and I might get you guys to check my first message to him for some advice. For now, I'm holding on and enjoying life... thanks heaps for your support
Thank you very much Raed, I've been doing NC and I'm three days away from completing 30 days but I'm even extending it. I'm in NO CONTACT with him whatsoever but I vent in here cos I miss him and sometimes wonder if he does. But I totally agree with you, I'll never give him the power to make me feel weak cos that's unattractive even to myself. I did act clingy when we first broke up but that's history now! I'll let you know when I contact him in few weeks time if he'll respond and I might get you guys to check my first message to him for some advice. For now, I'm holding on and enjoying life... thanks heaps for your support
rihanna,
I think you shouldnt have messaged him. You were just assuming that his action of changing his profile pic has something to do with your ex. and due to emotion and attachment to your ex you cant help but ask him about it.
Look. It came from you. Try to move ln first. Settle down. In ny opinion you are still addicted to your ex coz you still worry about him to much even with little things. First of all let go of his brother. I think he is not helping. In my case i am close to my ex's sister because she is my friend really. I dont use her to get close to my ex. I dont miss my ex when im around her and im not asking for updattes about my ex. I just vent out my feelings and sadness to her just what friends would do.
Read articles about how to move on and how to heal a broken heart. Dont be afraid. I was also hesitant at first but it will help you ease the pain and sorrow. Goodluck!
Thank you Daniel. You're right I should just ignore everything about my ex and his surroundings. I'm not bothered by it though. Your advice and support are much appreciated. Good luck on your end and if she doesn't come back, someone and something better out there await, that hope is beautiful in itself.
Daniel,
Today I felt what you mean by getting tired! This evening, I was tired! Tired of my undecided mind!!
Daniel,
Today I felt what you mean by getting tired! This evening, I was tired! Tired of my undecided mind!!
Daniel,
Today I felt what you mean by getting tired! This evening, I was tired! Tired of my undecided mind!!
Daniel,
Today I felt what you mean by getting tired! This evening, I was tired! Tired of my undecided mind!!
Daniel,
Today I felt what you mean by getting tired! This evening, I was tired! Tired of my undecided mind!!
Thank you Daniel. You're right I should just ignore everything about my ex and his surroundings. I'm not bothered by it though. Your advice and support are much appreciated. Good luck on your end and if she doesn't come back, someone and something better out there await, that hope is beautiful in itself.
Thank you Daniel. You're right I should just ignore everything about my ex and his surroundings. I'm not bothered by it though. Your advice and support are much appreciated. Good luck on your end and if she doesn't come back, someone and something better out there await, that hope is beautiful in itself.
Thank you Daniel. You're right I should just ignore everything about my ex and his surroundings. I'm not bothered by it though. Your advice and support are much appreciated. Good luck on your end and if she doesn't come back, someone and something better out there await, that hope is beautiful in itself.
Rihanna,
I can see how attached you are to your ex. How long have you broken up? I guess it's time to quit it. Not quit hoping for a reconciliation but quit contact. Quit any contact. Ive read through forums that they should have learned about Nc as early as the breakup because most of them are regretting of the whole begging, pleading thing.
I hate to break it to you and i know how much you are hurting but i would like to tell you something because i know it might help and orevent further damage to you emotionally. The more you make yourself available to your ex, the more he feels empowered. Because he sees you are not yet over him. He plays this game on you and you allow him to. The more you make yourself available to him most of the time the more he will not value your presenceimply because you were never absent.
Do yoursef a favor, QUIT ANY CONTACT. No matter if he is sick or whatever drama he gives yiu. He is enjoyinh his little game for sure. I know how cliche it is to love yourself and that you deserve better but come to think of it, the boy you are most worried and concerned about, does he think about you? Does he care abut you? You know the answer.
He is taking time to do better without you, why not do the same? Sometimes it takes a lot of hurting to learn. And i would rather hurt you with the truth than to allow him to playyou more. The more you run after him the more he feels empowered, the more he can feel that HE IS IN CONTROL and he is your toy. You are allowing yourself to be a doormat and guess what, it is very unattractive.
Rihanna, i know it is hard. But somehow i have pulled myself out a bit of that running after thing so i want to be of help to you. Do no contact. Dont tell him why or how or until when. Do NC suddenly. In that way he will get confused, esp if you have been so clingy then did no contact. It will confuse him, it will remove his power of pkayinghis games on you. He will suddenly feel un-empoweredbecause you are no longer his toy and doormat. He will suddenly panic into thinking that you finally get tired. No matter how much he contacfsyou dont show any interest.appear casual because if you apear clingy again, he will think that you are still weak. Show him wht he's lost.
The moment you stop running after him, the moment he will get confused. And if you become consistent in NC, he might be the one to run after you this time. Just do NC now and if you ever get him back, you can thank me later haha. But if not, ask yourself if you would want a boy who doesnt want you.
Goodluck, and keep us updated!
rihanna,
I think you shouldnt have messaged him. You were just assuming that his action of changing his profile pic has something to do with your ex. and due to emotion and attachment to your ex you cant help but ask him about it.
Look. It came from you. Try to move ln first. Settle down. In ny opinion you are still addicted to your ex coz you still worry about him to much even with little things. First of all let go of his brother. I think he is not helping. In my case i am close to my ex's sister because she is my friend really. I dont use her to get close to my ex. I dont miss my ex when im around her and im not asking for updattes about my ex. I just vent out my feelings and sadness to her just what friends would do.
Read articles about how to move on and how to heal a broken heart. Dont be afraid. I was also hesitant at first but it will help you ease the pain and sorrow. Goodluck!
Rihanna,
I can see how attached you are to your ex. How long have you broken up? I guess it's time to quit it. Not quit hoping for a reconciliation but quit contact. Quit any contact. Ive read through forums that they should have learned about Nc as early as the breakup because most of them are regretting of the whole begging, pleading thing.
I hate to break it to you and i know how much you are hurting but i would like to tell you something because i know it might help and orevent further damage to you emotionally. The more you make yourself available to your ex, the more he feels empowered. Because he sees you are not yet over him. He plays this game on you and you allow him to. The more you make yourself available to him most of the time the more he will not value your presenceimply because you were never absent.
Do yoursef a favor, QUIT ANY CONTACT. No matter if he is sick or whatever drama he gives yiu. He is enjoyinh his little game for sure. I know how cliche it is to love yourself and that you deserve better but come to think of it, the boy you are most worried and concerned about, does he think about you? Does he care abut you? You know the answer.
He is taking time to do better without you, why not do the same? Sometimes it takes a lot of hurting to learn. And i would rather hurt you with the truth than to allow him to playyou more. The more you run after him the more he feels empowered, the more he can feel that HE IS IN CONTROL and he is your toy. You are allowing yourself to be a doormat and guess what, it is very unattractive.
Rihanna, i know it is hard. But somehow i have pulled myself out a bit of that running after thing so i want to be of help to you. Do no contact. Dont tell him why or how or until when. Do NC suddenly. In that way he will get confused, esp if you have been so clingy then did no contact. It will confuse him, it will remove his power of pkayinghis games on you. He will suddenly feel un-empoweredbecause you are no longer his toy and doormat. He will suddenly panic into thinking that you finally get tired. No matter how much he contacfsyou dont show any interest.appear casual because if you apear clingy again, he will think that you are still weak. Show him wht he's lost.
The moment you stop running after him, the moment he will get confused. And if you become consistent in NC, he might be the one to run after you this time. Just do NC now and if you ever get him back, you can thank me later haha. But if not, ask yourself if you would want a boy who doesnt want you.
Goodluck, and keep us updated!
rihanna,
I think you shouldnt have messaged him. You were just assuming that his action of changing his profile pic has something to do with your ex. and due to emotion and attachment to your ex you cant help but ask him about it.
Look. It came from you. Try to move ln first. Settle down. In ny opinion you are still addicted to your ex coz you still worry about him to much even with little things. First of all let go of his brother. I think he is not helping. In my case i am close to my ex's sister because she is my friend really. I dont use her to get close to my ex. I dont miss my ex when im around her and im not asking for updattes about my ex. I just vent out my feelings and sadness to her just what friends would do.
Read articles about how to move on and how to heal a broken heart. Dont be afraid. I was also hesitant at first but it will help you ease the pain and sorrow. Goodluck!
Daniel,
I understand you. My ex also did not respond to my mail as well as my text. I am also in the stage of almost giving up on her. I already knew that I am on the death door stage. I even don't hope for the 60th day. I pretty sure that she won't respond to my next text too. What makes me still hold is that some portion of brain is crying for it but not the majority. Anyway, I am still there. LOL
Also by comparing your first week of break and now, you should congratulate yourself for such an improvement! For me, I am glad that I saw the mail suggestion here, so my mail was not on begging for a come back, but it was on saying that breakup was the best to our relationship and we still need some more time and space before becoming friends. I even apologized her for writing so many love letters after the breakup and related them to my unstable mind after the breakup and that more thoughts are required for such letters. It was truly manly! I loved it!
Daniel, my foremost motive is/was to make her understand that I was on top of her the first time we met and it ended (psychologically) the same way. I am truly happy with the NC. Probably I won't get her back but I will get back my manly image in her mind! Even move on is more manly, Daniel and more independent move! Be glad and congratulate yourself. Open up a bottle of beer and enjoy it! Cheers!!
Thanks guys. I am actually happy for myslef because i made a lot of progress. Maybe i just cant fully let go of her yet. Ill really open a beer! Haha! Cheers!
Daniel,
You comment made me laugh! I will also drink tonight and celebrate regaining my mental health! Whenever I drink, I don't even think about sending texts!! I love this feeling!! Cheers to us!!
Yep. Drinking to celebrate is different. It adds more joy and satisfaction. Cheers to us! Cheers to our minds that got over our hearts!
Yep. Drinking to celebrate is different. It adds more joy and satisfaction. Cheers to us! Cheers to our minds that got over our hearts!
Yep. Drinking to celebrate is different. It adds more joy and satisfaction. Cheers to us! Cheers to our minds that got over our hearts!
Yep. Drinking to celebrate is different. It adds more joy and satisfaction. Cheers to us! Cheers to our minds that got over our hearts!
Yep. Drinking to celebrate is different. It adds more joy and satisfaction. Cheers to us! Cheers to our minds that got over our hearts!
I completely forgot. Today is the 3rd month of our breakup lol
Daniel,
You comment made me laugh! I will also drink tonight and celebrate regaining my mental health! Whenever I drink, I don't even think about sending texts!! I love this feeling!! Cheers to us!!
I completely forgot. Today is the 3rd month of our breakup lol
Daniel,
You comment made me laugh! I will also drink tonight and celebrate regaining my mental health! Whenever I drink, I don't even think about sending texts!! I love this feeling!! Cheers to us!!
I completely forgot. Today is the 3rd month of our breakup lol
Daniel,
You comment made me laugh! I will also drink tonight and celebrate regaining my mental health! Whenever I drink, I don't even think about sending texts!! I love this feeling!! Cheers to us!!
I completely forgot. Today is the 3rd month of our breakup lol
Thanks guys. I am actually happy for myslef because i made a lot of progress. Maybe i just cant fully let go of her yet. Ill really open a beer! Haha! Cheers!
Thanks guys. I am actually happy for myslef because i made a lot of progress. Maybe i just cant fully let go of her yet. Ill really open a beer! Haha! Cheers!
daniel,
don't give up just because you'r at death's door.i came out of it 3 days ago.and it's not impossible to get out of.it's good that you feel ok to move on.enjoy your life,just give it some more time,even start a new relationship but then if u feel something for her i think there is chance to make the situation better.if you'v read ryan's relationship rewind that's what he suggested.anyways wish u all the best luck :)
Congrats az! You just passes through deaths door!
Congrats az! You just passes through deaths door!
Congrats az! You just passes through deaths door!
Daniel,
How can you say you are on death's door? Maybe she's moved on or on the process but is really firm with her decision of breaking up.
I'm on NC for a week now. And I miss her at tines but not like the crazy miss. At times i want her back but i tell myself that i just miss her not love her. And somehow it helped me to accept the breakup because somehow i really did. I don't know if it will be time for you to move on unless we hear from Kevin but I think you should somehow consider moving on.
I told myself that if I can go through a month of NC with herstill not initiating contact, i will move on. I wouldnt want to waste days and months of doing NC and wanting her in the back of my mind. I guess it is wrong to do NC with the purpose of expecting her to want you back. I guess the main purpose of NC is for you to go on with life without her and atthe same time little by little moving on. For me, i will just be wasting days and months if i will still run after her after the NC, IMO.
If you did Nc for months and expect her to want you back, you just wasted those months still clinging unto her instead of feeling good alone for the time being. When you do NC then she wouldnt contact you, you'll just feel disappointed and hurt and you will see yourself back again to square one. You'll not notice that a year had gone by already on you werent still able to move on. Kevin said if she's cold then be cold. If she's playing hard to get then let her.
You can do the NC again but this time consider moving on too. You'll never know if she needs a year or so to heal and to take away the negative image you have on her. It will be hard, brother but you have to save yourself too.
Goodluck! Keep us updated!
Hi Daniel and everyone,
Daniel, do NOT give up just yet. It seems that wherever I go there's a conciliation story of some sort between couples and unfortunately it's instilling false hope in me though I have this intense feeling that the stubbornness and pride of my ex won't allow reconciliation to happen anytime soon. But most reconciliations happen after a long time has passed and only reunited these couples through pure luck or fate. So, yes there's some hope in reconciling but unfortunately this may happen only when least expected, and not during NC, or when you've moved away and moved on. I'm saying this from other couple's experiences and ,just to be clear, I never initiated this sort of conversation it just happened.
Also, I may have made a mistake but not sure and I need advice on how to fix it or whether it was the right thing to do or not. Well, my ex's brother changed his profile picture to a pitch black nothing and that got me very worried especially cos my ex is not well. So I sent his brother a brief message on facebook saying:
"Dear x, your profile picture got me very worried. Merely as a friend I should be worried so I hope you could find it in your heart to answer to this message and let me know if there's anything wrong, if only a few words of comfort. I do hope you're all well and good luck with your exams."
I'm worried that I may have done wrong by messaging? I am worried about my ex and perhaps the choice of his profile pic seems bit irresponsible on his brother's behalf. What can I do to right this wrong? (if it's wrong, I'm not sure). And if I don't get an answer at all from his brother what should I do then? I'm extending NC another month I think. But in your opinion, do you think it's completely over if my ex ignores my message when I text him in a month time? Plus, he's kept my books at his place does that mean that one day we'll have to get in contact to collect my stuff at least? What does it mean when a guy agrees to keep his ex girlfriend's stuff at his place but ignores her messages? I'm feeling bit down today, the more I socialise the more I realize how much we're good together... Any advice? any help?
Daniel,
I understand you. My ex also did not respond to my mail as well as my text. I am also in the stage of almost giving up on her. I already knew that I am on the death door stage. I even don't hope for the 60th day. I pretty sure that she won't respond to my next text too. What makes me still hold is that some portion of brain is crying for it but not the majority. Anyway, I am still there. LOL
Also by comparing your first week of break and now, you should congratulate yourself for such an improvement! For me, I am glad that I saw the mail suggestion here, so my mail was not on begging for a come back, but it was on saying that breakup was the best to our relationship and we still need some more time and space before becoming friends. I even apologized her for writing so many love letters after the breakup and related them to my unstable mind after the breakup and that more thoughts are required for such letters. It was truly manly! I loved it!
Daniel, my foremost motive is/was to make her understand that I was on top of her the first time we met and it ended (psychologically) the same way. I am truly happy with the NC. Probably I won't get her back but I will get back my manly image in her mind! Even move on is more manly, Daniel and more independent move! Be glad and congratulate yourself. Open up a bottle of beer and enjoy it! Cheers!!
daniel,
don't give up just because you'r at death's door.i came out of it 3 days ago.and it's not impossible to get out of.it's good that you feel ok to move on.enjoy your life,just give it some more time,even start a new relationship but then if u feel something for her i think there is chance to make the situation better.if you'v read ryan's relationship rewind that's what he suggested.anyways wish u all the best luck :)
OMG! my ex posted something on facebook for the FIRST time since we departed and he posted something (though about his work) but it's something we both worked together on and spent a lot of time and emotion on this project. Does that mean he misses me? (that's plain stupid thinking I think) or did he post that because it's the last project he did? Or because I messaged his brother briefly (see my other comment) to check up on him it's a way to tell me he's still alive? (lol). I feel very sick my stomach is churning after seeing it, I'm shaking (how pathetic!) Obviously I'm still bit weak :( ... By the way, I went out yesterday for bbq at friends and had a great time and today had lunch with my sister... so I'm not obsessing!
Dont fret over it. Its hard to assume things because we wouldnt know for sure. As kevin will always say. Ignore it. Assuming things give you expectations. And if you are wrong youll just get hurt and be back at being sad. Just ignore it for now. He may miss you but he doesnt want to talk to you because if he does he would already have.
You are absolutely right Daniel, thank you very much for your advice and support... I'm not even bothered by it anymore... I hope you've been well :)
You are absolutely right Daniel, thank you very much for your advice and support... I'm not even bothered by it anymore... I hope you've been well :)
You are absolutely right Daniel, thank you very much for your advice and support... I'm not even bothered by it anymore... I hope you've been well :)
Good for you for going out and having fun. I have found going out helps unless I get really drunk so I don't do that anymore and it feels great. I would say yes he misses you. I would suggest not messaging his brother unless you 2 are really good friends and I wouldn't talk about your ex. They are brothers so they will share it. It took me a bit to really stop finding ways to check on my ex but it will help you once you do it. I am just about at the contact point this week and I am really excited about it:) I feel good about myself and really enjoying life!! I will be a changed man when we do get to meet!! Best of luck to you! PS this song helps me feel better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izkqPdVAdL4
Dear Jeff, I just read your comment on one of my older messages and would like to thank you for your support and for recommending the song 'Something like Olivia' - it's great! I hope the reason I haven't seen you much here is because you've resolved your 'ex' issue and are happy with your life. All the best :)
PS: This forum needs better arrangement cos it's hard to follow up with everyone's comments in the way it is...
Dear Jeff, I just read your comment on one of my older messages and would like to thank you for your support and for recommending the song 'Something like Olivia' - it's great! I hope the reason I haven't seen you much here is because you've resolved your 'ex' issue and are happy with your life. All the best :)
PS: This forum needs better arrangement cos it's hard to follow up with everyone's comments in the way it is...
Dear Jeff, I just read your comment on one of my older messages and would like to thank you for your support and for recommending the song 'Something like Olivia' - it's great! I hope the reason I haven't seen you much here is because you've resolved your 'ex' issue and are happy with your life. All the best :)
PS: This forum needs better arrangement cos it's hard to follow up with everyone's comments in the way it is...
Dont fret over it. Its hard to assume things because we wouldnt know for sure. As kevin will always say. Ignore it. Assuming things give you expectations. And if you are wrong youll just get hurt and be back at being sad. Just ignore it for now. He may miss you but he doesnt want to talk to you because if he does he would already have.
Good for you for going out and having fun. I have found going out helps unless I get really drunk so I don't do that anymore and it feels great. I would say yes he misses you. I would suggest not messaging his brother unless you 2 are really good friends and I wouldn't talk about your ex. They are brothers so they will share it. It took me a bit to really stop finding ways to check on my ex but it will help you once you do it. I am just about at the contact point this week and I am really excited about it:) I feel good about myself and really enjoying life!! I will be a changed man when we do get to meet!! Best of luck to you! PS this song helps me feel better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izkqPdVAdL4
Hi Kevin
I don't know if you still have links to my past comments explaining my situation? But anyway after just over a month of no contact my ex texted me last night asking how I am with kisses at the end like he used to when we were still together. I responded saying I'm good and asked about him but put no kisses back. He asked about everything else and I just responded back neutrally. I obviously want him back but I responded in a way so he doesn't think I will just come running back to him. Was this the right decision? My dad is scaring me saying I've acted too cold and he will lose interest, is that true? Have I blown my chance?
I think you did great. You showed syrength and power. In my opinion you shouldve been a little upbeat but its no big deal. If he texts you again be more welcoming but not too much. If he doesnt contact you. Contact him after 2 weeks IF nc is over.
congratulations sarah, you did great.don't be too cold.be friendly but don't let him think you are flirting with him.don't be available all the time and when you are on a conversation, be nice and cool and positive,show him you are having a great life.don't always initiate contact first let him chase you some times.i think this way you will increase the chances that he suggest the meet up.good luck !!!
Sarah,
I believe you did it in the best way. It was strong and concrete! Now he will think, "WTF, why is she cold? Is she over me?" Probably contact you again to see what going on! ha ha ha
Sarah,
I believe you did it in the best way. It was strong and concrete! Now he will think, "WTF, why is she cold? Is she over me?" Probably contact you again to see what going on! ha ha ha
Sarah,
I believe you did it in the best way. It was strong and concrete! Now he will think, "WTF, why is she cold? Is she over me?" Probably contact you again to see what going on! ha ha ha
Sarah,
I believe you did it in the best way. It was strong and concrete! Now he will think, "WTF, why is she cold? Is she over me?" Probably contact you again to see what going on! ha ha ha
congratulations sarah, you did great.don't be too cold.be friendly but don't let him think you are flirting with him.don't be available all the time and when you are on a conversation, be nice and cool and positive,show him you are having a great life.don't always initiate contact first let him chase you some times.i think this way you will increase the chances that he suggest the meet up.good luck !!!
congratulations sarah, you did great.don't be too cold.be friendly but don't let him think you are flirting with him.don't be available all the time and when you are on a conversation, be nice and cool and positive,show him you are having a great life.don't always initiate contact first let him chase you some times.i think this way you will increase the chances that he suggest the meet up.good luck !!!
I think you did great. You showed syrength and power. In my opinion you shouldve been a little upbeat but its no big deal. If he texts you again be more welcoming but not too much. If he doesnt contact you. Contact him after 2 weeks IF nc is over.
So we basically broke it off 3 weeks ago because of us constantly fighting. I used to be very needy andy clingy esp the last 2 weeks of the relationship. We are LD and that took a toll on us. We said that we would take some time off until he would come back home in exactly one month. I did NC for 3 days and then he called me on Skype crying and saying he missed me and stuff. It was so nice talking to him again that way. We again said that we would talk in person once he's back. However, I called him twice to see how he is, I missed him a lot and couldn't do NC. He responded saying sweet words but not as the time he called. I told him that I don't think of us as broken up and he aggreed. I let a week pass and then called again, to find him telling me he wanted to call me too because things were not going ok with him, problems with work, his schedule was not going as planned. He said it was nice having to talk to me about everything. We talked again once more after a couple days, but that time he was not in the same mood, he told me that we are broken up and that I was being pushy and that he didn't want to talk about the relationship at all, which I didn't want either in the first place and the call was about other stuff we were doing at the time, but we ended up talking about us somehow. He kinda seemed intoxicated and acting all strange. I didn't like his behavior and asked to end the call, however I felt bad afterwards and sent him I'm sorry if I was pushy. He didn't respond. We haven't talked in 5 days and in 10 days he's coming back. He also told me that he hadn't really done any serious thinking about us because of his heavy schedule these days, which I don't really know how to react to, because it's all I've been thinking lately. Do I have a chance? I'll be doing NC until he's back and wait for him to call once he's here.
hey trina,
i think,yes.you do have a chance.but you need to follow the plan.if you have been acting needy you shouldn't break NC for 30 days.this will change his visions of you as a needy pushy person.if he contacts you many times,just tell him you need some space and that you will contact him later.you need to do NC for your own good.to feel better, be a happy person and let him miss you and find that he might lose you forever.don't let him think your available whenever he wants.
hey trina,
i think,yes.you do have a chance.but you need to follow the plan.if you have been acting needy you shouldn't break NC for 30 days.this will change his visions of you as a needy pushy person.if he contacts you many times,just tell him you need some space and that you will contact him later.you need to do NC for your own good.to feel better, be a happy person and let him miss you and find that he might lose you forever.don't let him think your available whenever he wants.
I was about 26 days in no contact and I have wished her happy birthday today. I have kept the birthday message short let's see if I get a reply. What do I do? Go no contact again? For how long? Thank you
Kevin told me do not reply for 1 or 2 weeks after the birthday message... I feel lost again.
hey,
if kevin already told you what to do,then you know what you should do.
Yes just got a reply back saying: Thanks...
greaat,wait 2 weeks and send her the text.good luck :)
greaat,wait 2 weeks and send her the text.good luck :)
greaat,wait 2 weeks and send her the text.good luck :)
greaat,wait 2 weeks and send her the text.good luck :)
greaat,wait 2 weeks and send her the text.good luck :)
Yes just got a reply back saying: Thanks...
Yes just got a reply back saying: Thanks...
Yes just got a reply back saying: Thanks...
hey,
if kevin already told you what to do,then you know what you should do.
hey,
if kevin already told you what to do,then you know what you should do.
Kevin told me do not reply for 1 or 2 weeks after the birthday message... I feel lost again.
Hey Kevin,
just wondering, is it necessary, you think, to apologize in the letter if I've already done it a few days after the breakup?
Cheers! and thanks in advance.
Or if anyone else (since Kevin isn't here) has any suggestions that would be greatly appreciated. Cheers!
hey,
we don't know your story,it depends on what you did,and if you really think that you should apologize! .
hey,
we don't know your story,it depends on what you did,and if you really think that you should apologize! .
hey,
we don't know your story,it depends on what you did,and if you really think that you should apologize! .
Or if anyone else (since Kevin isn't here) has any suggestions that would be greatly appreciated. Cheers!
Got the text message after I wished her happy birthday saying: Thanks..
What text message do I send her after two weeks? Kevin?
hey musa,
there are couple of examples in the 5step plan.the text should be like 1) something happened in your life that reminded you of her. 2) reminding her of good moments you had together. 3)letting her know that you are having fun in your life and meeting new people. the text should't be too short or too long and it should be all positive. you can read the examples if you need to understand it better.
and kevin is not here untill june 24th.
and kevin is not here untill june 24th.
and kevin is not here untill june 24th.
hey musa,
there are couple of examples in the 5step plan.the text should be like 1) something happened in your life that reminded you of her. 2) reminding her of good moments you had together. 3)letting her know that you are having fun in your life and meeting new people. the text should't be too short or too long and it should be all positive. you can read the examples if you need to understand it better.
Hey Kev... so,my ex contacted me and he wants to get back together..we broke up before 2,5 months (i told you the story before),but since then,i met this new guy,who is 22 and 17..he lives in a different city than me,2 hours away,but he comes to mine really often because his family is here.We've been talking on skype for more than 5 hours a day,and he is really great.He is really mature and he knows what a woman wants..He's been great to me,listening me and have been here for me,i really like him and i can see a future with him...Before my ex initiated contact with me,i have been missing him a lot but now i don't know...I really like this new guy but i still love my ex and i know that my ex loves me.This new guy is black and my father is really racist so if i want to date him,i will have to do it one year secretly since i'm going to France to study in one year,and we've been talking with this new guy that he can come to visit me (we aren't together yet)...But then i don't know if i can have a long distance relationship with him without even having it close at first..I love my ex and want to give it a shot but i don't want to go back to the same old stuff,having him hurt me over and over again,make me cry,and just break up with me so easily like he did before...I know that this new guy would never hurt me like that and i'm afraid if i stop talking to him for my ex,and i get hurt,i will regret it deeply letting him go because he is really great..please help me ASAP !! thankss!Any other responses are welcome
RD,
I can see that you are playing safe bacause you said you are afraid to not talk to the new guy to clarify things with your ex. It is human nature to playsafe but it is unfair. Whether you lose your ex, you have this new guy. Or when you lose this new guy, you still have your ex.
If thatbnew guy reallyis great, hewill understand if you will ask him some time to think becaussyou've just broken up. You are in your most vulnerable stage that whatever affection you get, you feel so loved. So maybe you are just mistaken that you like thisnewguy when in fact you just get excitedbecause come on, who wouldnt?! But isnt that also what you feel with your ex before?
It is hard to weigh te pros and cons and hard to compare because tho they are guys they arenot on the same page. You cannot compare a new guy to theoldguy. And chances are the new guy will win because you find him amazing and you no longer like yor ex because you have seen his flaws and all.
Do NC on them both for you to be able to assess. It is still early to jump into a new reationship. It is like you were wounded and you put a band aid on it instead of cleaning it and allowing it sometime to heal. When you jump into this new guy and the moment you see his flaws, will it not end in break-up this timd?
Allow yourself to grieve firstbecause i think you are not getting the whole picture. You wouldn't want to carry past baggage into your new one.
Goodluck!
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR AMAZING ANSWERS!! YOU REALLY MADE ME THINK ABOUT THINGS THAT I HAVEN'T THANK YOU SOO MUCH!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HELPED ME,YOU ARE AMAZING PEOPLE!
Thing is,i don't know if i can see the new guy friendly,we've been skyping for many hours and i think i have to cut it off to smaller periods of time.
Thing is,i don't know if i can see the new guy friendly,we've been skyping for many hours and i think i have to cut it off to smaller periods of time.
Thing is,i don't know if i can see the new guy friendly,we've been skyping for many hours and i think i have to cut it off to smaller periods of time.
Thing is,i don't know if i can see the new guy friendly,we've been skyping for many hours and i think i have to cut it off to smaller periods of time.
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR AMAZING ANSWERS!! YOU REALLY MADE ME THINK ABOUT THINGS THAT I HAVEN'T THANK YOU SOO MUCH!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HELPED ME,YOU ARE AMAZING PEOPLE!
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR AMAZING ANSWERS!! YOU REALLY MADE ME THINK ABOUT THINGS THAT I HAVEN'T THANK YOU SOO MUCH!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HELPED ME,YOU ARE AMAZING PEOPLE!
RD,
I don't want to judge or suggest anything, because I believe its you who has to ultimately decide but there are two point that I have learnt recently here that I would like in restate:
1-If this new guy you are with is not rebound by the definition, I should say that you are in honeymoon stage with him and everything seems rosy at this moment. Can't really say he will never leave you. Every relation starts great!
2-Many believe that after the breakup, reunification is hardly as strong as it was before breakup. In other words, second breakup is more likely when the first one has already occurred because there exists some fundamental problems.
PS: I did not want to make negative sentences here. Sorry if it looks like. I simply did not want to value one of them over the other! Hopefully relationship with anyone of them should be great and full of joy for you!! Good luck in making your decision RD!
Thank you so much for your response..at the beginning the new guy seemed like a rebound but now that my ex is in the picture i'm challenged between them..i need to have a face to face chat with my ex first and discuss some things....truth is i don't want to hurt this new guy either because he seems really great!
RD,
Hey, so you are saying that this new guy is great and good and mature and you see a future with him. And you are sure that he wouldn't hurt you. But how sure are you? I mean, honeymoon stage feels great but you haven't seen yet the real him not unless you go into a relationship with him.
And the things you are telling us about the new guy, isn't it the things you are telling yor friends when you are just getting to know your ex-lover?
I suggest don't jump and grab him right away. The fact that you still feel for youe ex can be considered that somehow this 'new' great guy is a rebound. We humans get thrilled by the unknown so it excites you to be with this new guy because you already know howit might end up with your ex again. This new guy might be better than the ex orcould be worse. I guess you find him great just because you are broken at the moment and any amount of affection and appreciation from others, no matter how little, you get turned on and hyped up so easily
I suggest you get away for awhile from them both. Maybe you have stronger feelings for the new guy because it is something NEW. It is exciting because you don't know what's in store. It gives you a hope that this time you'll make it right and good. But do you really lovd him? Or mahbe you are just overwhelmed by his presence because it allows you to forget for a while or distract you in the problem you have with your ex. I dont think jumping intosomeone new willhelp, it might make it even worse.
Give your timeto think and heal for awhile. You wouldnt want this another relationship to be another heartbreak again. Assess yourself first
RD, sorry to interfere but I suggest you stay away from this new guy or keep it platonic at least until you sort out your feelings and your previous relationship with your ex. Otherwise, you won't only end up hurting both guys but you'll get hurt DOUBLE to learn that you may lose them both because of your rash decision. IMO tell the new guy that you're not ready yet for a new relationship but you value his friendship and let things grow organically from there... if it's meant to be and you two end up together than great if not at least you wouldn't ruin a friendship. Also, I think you're keeping your ex on the side so that if things don't go well with the new guy you'd rebound back to your ex and vice versa (sorry if this is harsh) but I care and advice you to sort yourself out, your feelings and YOU until you become whole again before seeing someone new. I'm telling you this from experience and would hate to see you hurt because I didn't give this advice. I wish you the very best, good luck xx
RD,
Hey, so you are saying that this new guy is great and good and mature and you see a future with him. And you are sure that he wouldn't hurt you. But how sure are you? I mean, honeymoon stage feels great but you haven't seen yet the real him not unless you go into a relationship with him.
And the things you are telling us about the new guy, isn't it the things you are telling yor friends when you are just getting to know your ex-lover?
I suggest don't jump and grab him right away. The fact that you still feel for youe ex can be considered that somehow this 'new' great guy is a rebound. We humans get thrilled by the unknown so it excites you to be with this new guy because you already know howit might end up with your ex again. This new guy might be better than the ex orcould be worse. I guess you find him great just because you are broken at the moment and any amount of affection and appreciation from others, no matter how little, you get turned on and hyped up so easily
I suggest you get away for awhile from them both. Maybe you have stronger feelings for the new guy because it is something NEW. It is exciting because you don't know what's in store. It gives you a hope that this time you'll make it right and good. But do you really lovd him? Or mahbe you are just overwhelmed by his presence because it allows you to forget for a while or distract you in the problem you have with your ex. I dont think jumping intosomeone new willhelp, it might make it even worse.
Give your timeto think and heal for awhile. You wouldnt want this another relationship to be another heartbreak again. Assess yourself first
RD, sorry to interfere but I suggest you stay away from this new guy or keep it platonic at least until you sort out your feelings and your previous relationship with your ex. Otherwise, you won't only end up hurting both guys but you'll get hurt DOUBLE to learn that you may lose them both because of your rash decision. IMO tell the new guy that you're not ready yet for a new relationship but you value his friendship and let things grow organically from there... if it's meant to be and you two end up together than great if not at least you wouldn't ruin a friendship. Also, I think you're keeping your ex on the side so that if things don't go well with the new guy you'd rebound back to your ex and vice versa (sorry if this is harsh) but I care and advice you to sort yourself out, your feelings and YOU until you become whole again before seeing someone new. I'm telling you this from experience and would hate to see you hurt because I didn't give this advice. I wish you the very best, good luck xx
RD,
Hey, so you are saying that this new guy is great and good and mature and you see a future with him. And you are sure that he wouldn't hurt you. But how sure are you? I mean, honeymoon stage feels great but you haven't seen yet the real him not unless you go into a relationship with him.
And the things you are telling us about the new guy, isn't it the things you are telling yor friends when you are just getting to know your ex-lover?
I suggest don't jump and grab him right away. The fact that you still feel for youe ex can be considered that somehow this 'new' great guy is a rebound. We humans get thrilled by the unknown so it excites you to be with this new guy because you already know howit might end up with your ex again. This new guy might be better than the ex orcould be worse. I guess you find him great just because you are broken at the moment and any amount of affection and appreciation from others, no matter how little, you get turned on and hyped up so easily
I suggest you get away for awhile from them both. Maybe you have stronger feelings for the new guy because it is something NEW. It is exciting because you don't know what's in store. It gives you a hope that this time you'll make it right and good. But do you really lovd him? Or mahbe you are just overwhelmed by his presence because it allows you to forget for a while or distract you in the problem you have with your ex. I dont think jumping intosomeone new willhelp, it might make it even worse.
Give your timeto think and heal for awhile. You wouldnt want this another relationship to be another heartbreak again. Assess yourself first
RD, sorry to interfere but I suggest you stay away from this new guy or keep it platonic at least until you sort out your feelings and your previous relationship with your ex. Otherwise, you won't only end up hurting both guys but you'll get hurt DOUBLE to learn that you may lose them both because of your rash decision. IMO tell the new guy that you're not ready yet for a new relationship but you value his friendship and let things grow organically from there... if it's meant to be and you two end up together than great if not at least you wouldn't ruin a friendship. Also, I think you're keeping your ex on the side so that if things don't go well with the new guy you'd rebound back to your ex and vice versa (sorry if this is harsh) but I care and advice you to sort yourself out, your feelings and YOU until you become whole again before seeing someone new. I'm telling you this from experience and would hate to see you hurt because I didn't give this advice. I wish you the very best, good luck xx
RD,
Hey, so you are saying that this new guy is great and good and mature and you see a future with him. And you are sure that he wouldn't hurt you. But how sure are you? I mean, honeymoon stage feels great but you haven't seen yet the real him not unless you go into a relationship with him.
And the things you are telling us about the new guy, isn't it the things you are telling yor friends when you are just getting to know your ex-lover?
I suggest don't jump and grab him right away. The fact that you still feel for youe ex can be considered that somehow this 'new' great guy is a rebound. We humans get thrilled by the unknown so it excites you to be with this new guy because you already know howit might end up with your ex again. This new guy might be better than the ex orcould be worse. I guess you find him great just because you are broken at the moment and any amount of affection and appreciation from others, no matter how little, you get turned on and hyped up so easily
I suggest you get away for awhile from them both. Maybe you have stronger feelings for the new guy because it is something NEW. It is exciting because you don't know what's in store. It gives you a hope that this time you'll make it right and good. But do you really lovd him? Or mahbe you are just overwhelmed by his presence because it allows you to forget for a while or distract you in the problem you have with your ex. I dont think jumping intosomeone new willhelp, it might make it even worse.
Give your timeto think and heal for awhile. You wouldnt want this another relationship to be another heartbreak again. Assess yourself first
RD, sorry to interfere but I suggest you stay away from this new guy or keep it platonic at least until you sort out your feelings and your previous relationship with your ex. Otherwise, you won't only end up hurting both guys but you'll get hurt DOUBLE to learn that you may lose them both because of your rash decision. IMO tell the new guy that you're not ready yet for a new relationship but you value his friendship and let things grow organically from there... if it's meant to be and you two end up together than great if not at least you wouldn't ruin a friendship. Also, I think you're keeping your ex on the side so that if things don't go well with the new guy you'd rebound back to your ex and vice versa (sorry if this is harsh) but I care and advice you to sort yourself out, your feelings and YOU until you become whole again before seeing someone new. I'm telling you this from experience and would hate to see you hurt because I didn't give this advice. I wish you the very best, good luck xx
RD,
Hey, so you are saying that this new guy is great and good and mature and you see a future with him. And you are sure that he wouldn't hurt you. But how sure are you? I mean, honeymoon stage feels great but you haven't seen yet the real him not unless you go into a relationship with him.
And the things you are telling us about the new guy, isn't it the things you are telling yor friends when you are just getting to know your ex-lover?
I suggest don't jump and grab him right away. The fact that you still feel for youe ex can be considered that somehow this 'new' great guy is a rebound. We humans get thrilled by the unknown so it excites you to be with this new guy because you already know howit might end up with your ex again. This new guy might be better than the ex orcould be worse. I guess you find him great just because you are broken at the moment and any amount of affection and appreciation from others, no matter how little, you get turned on and hyped up so easily
I suggest you get away for awhile from them both. Maybe you have stronger feelings for the new guy because it is something NEW. It is exciting because you don't know what's in store. It gives you a hope that this time you'll make it right and good. But do you really lovd him? Or mahbe you are just overwhelmed by his presence because it allows you to forget for a while or distract you in the problem you have with your ex. I dont think jumping intosomeone new willhelp, it might make it even worse.
Give your timeto think and heal for awhile. You wouldnt want this another relationship to be another heartbreak again. Assess yourself first
RD, sorry to interfere but I suggest you stay away from this new guy or keep it platonic at least until you sort out your feelings and your previous relationship with your ex. Otherwise, you won't only end up hurting both guys but you'll get hurt DOUBLE to learn that you may lose them both because of your rash decision. IMO tell the new guy that you're not ready yet for a new relationship but you value his friendship and let things grow organically from there... if it's meant to be and you two end up together than great if not at least you wouldn't ruin a friendship. Also, I think you're keeping your ex on the side so that if things don't go well with the new guy you'd rebound back to your ex and vice versa (sorry if this is harsh) but I care and advice you to sort yourself out, your feelings and YOU until you become whole again before seeing someone new. I'm telling you this from experience and would hate to see you hurt because I didn't give this advice. I wish you the very best, good luck xx
Thank you so much for your response..at the beginning the new guy seemed like a rebound but now that my ex is in the picture i'm challenged between them..i need to have a face to face chat with my ex first and discuss some things....truth is i don't want to hurt this new guy either because he seems really great!
Thank you so much for your response..at the beginning the new guy seemed like a rebound but now that my ex is in the picture i'm challenged between them..i need to have a face to face chat with my ex first and discuss some things....truth is i don't want to hurt this new guy either because he seems really great!
Thank you so much for your response..at the beginning the new guy seemed like a rebound but now that my ex is in the picture i'm challenged between them..i need to have a face to face chat with my ex first and discuss some things....truth is i don't want to hurt this new guy either because he seems really great!
PS: I did not want to make negative sentences here. Sorry if it looks like. I simply did not want to value one of them over the other! Hopefully relationship with anyone of them should be great and full of joy for you!! Good luck in making your decision RD!
PS: I did not want to make negative sentences here. Sorry if it looks like. I simply did not want to value one of them over the other! Hopefully relationship with anyone of them should be great and full of joy for you!! Good luck in making your decision RD!
RD,
I can see that you are playing safe bacause you said you are afraid to not talk to the new guy to clarify things with your ex. It is human nature to playsafe but it is unfair. Whether you lose your ex, you have this new guy. Or when you lose this new guy, you still have your ex.
If thatbnew guy reallyis great, hewill understand if you will ask him some time to think becaussyou've just broken up. You are in your most vulnerable stage that whatever affection you get, you feel so loved. So maybe you are just mistaken that you like thisnewguy when in fact you just get excitedbecause come on, who wouldnt?! But isnt that also what you feel with your ex before?
It is hard to weigh te pros and cons and hard to compare because tho they are guys they arenot on the same page. You cannot compare a new guy to theoldguy. And chances are the new guy will win because you find him amazing and you no longer like yor ex because you have seen his flaws and all.
Do NC on them both for you to be able to assess. It is still early to jump into a new reationship. It is like you were wounded and you put a band aid on it instead of cleaning it and allowing it sometime to heal. When you jump into this new guy and the moment you see his flaws, will it not end in break-up this timd?
Allow yourself to grieve firstbecause i think you are not getting the whole picture. You wouldn't want to carry past baggage into your new one.
Goodluck!
RD,
I don't want to judge or suggest anything, because I believe its you who has to ultimately decide but there are two point that I have learnt recently here that I would like in restate:
1-If this new guy you are with is not rebound by the definition, I should say that you are in honeymoon stage with him and everything seems rosy at this moment. Can't really say he will never leave you. Every relation starts great!
2-Many believe that after the breakup, reunification is hardly as strong as it was before breakup. In other words, second breakup is more likely when the first one has already occurred because there exists some fundamental problems.
Hey Kev... so,my ex contacted me and he wants to get back together..we broke up before 2,5 months (i told you the story before),but since then,i met this new guy,who is 22 and 17..he lives in a different city than me,2 hours away,but he comes to mine really often because his family is here.We've been talking on skype for more than 5 hours a day,and he is really great.He is really mature and he knows what a woman wants..He's been great to me,listening me and have been here for me,i really like him and i can see a future with him...Before my ex initiated contact with me,i have been missing him a lot but now i don't know...I really like this new guy but i still love my ex and i know that my ex loves me.This new guy is black and my father is really racist so if i want to date him,i will have to do it one year secretly since i'm going to France to study in one year,and we've been talking with this new guy that he can come to visit me (we aren't together yet)...But then i don't know if i can have a long distance relationship with him without even having it close at first..I love my ex and want to give it a shot but i don't want to go back to the same old stuff,having him hurt me over and over again,make me cry,and just break up with me so easily like he did before...I know that this new guy would never hurt me like that and i'm afraid if i stop talking to him for my ex,and i get hurt,i will regret it deeply letting him go because he is really great..please help me ASAP !! thankss!Any other responses are welcome
Hi Everyone, Since ever my ex posted a piece of work on his facebook that we did together and I helped him in it a lot I've been feeling sick and having mixed emotions. I've completely ignored his status of course, didn't like or comment or anything but I completely ignored it but I'm sad that he is well enough to go on facebook and whatsapp but fails to acknowledge me. I still have some of my things at his and I would want them back eventually, perhaps soon, and I don't know how to approach him about my stuff after my NC. I'm thinking of sending him the 'something reminds me of you' text in about a month time and if he doesn't reply I'll give it few weeks before I request my things to be dropped off somewhere where it would be easier access for me to collect. Any advice on this? I feel sick and disappointed what an a**hole he turned out to be... especially cos i've done NOTHING wrong to hurt him and don't know where this awful attitude is coming from. Anyway, your advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Rihanna,
To my understanding, a hand written letter is much stronger that a text! Maybe, he will preserve it somewhere or simply put it on his desk and read it over and over! For text message, he will probably delete it when his inbox is full! Especially in your case, that he is not in good condition, it is more likely that he is not after another girl. So, don't hurry!
About the post, maybe he is getting afraid that you are already over him, so he wanted you to miss him! Maybe he wants to make you contact him! Maybe there are thousand of other maybes, but who knows which one is truth! He will contact you whenever he feels its the right moment. Let him feel that there is a right moment by being cool! Have a great one!!
PS: The format of the mail is already there in this site!
Rihanna,
Dara isaright. It is something positive that he posted both your work it means he's not bitter nor mad because if he is then he would get rid of anything that reminds him of you. I think he posted it on facebook because it is there where you can see it unlike on whatsapp,etc. I think it is his subtle way of lettingyou know he misses you. Maybe he thought if ever he will be posting that and you are well aware that it is both yourwork, he might be expecting thatyou will contact him first to talk about that thing he posted then later on talk about rando things.
But I suggest don't get too excited and break the NC yet. I can see he is somehow missing you, maybe you can still prolong the NC until he will realize that you don't care anymore and maybe you might have moved on already. If I am right with my interpretation, i can see that in the days to come if you won't break NC, he'll be the ons to come running desperately back at you.
Idon't mean to give you false hope but it is what I feel. Anwyway, continue doing NC.
:)
Thank you Raed, I pray to God that that's the case with him... he hasn't been on fb and only came on to post the piece we worked on but again why doesn't he message me especially after I texted and called him like crazy for two weeks after we broke up (yes I went nuts lol). Anyway, if my story ends up positively then there's hope for everyone here ... your message gave me some hope and sort of took some hurt away, I hope all goes well with you also and thank you for your positive message regardless of the outcome :)
Rihanna,
I guess he is not responding because you are acting clingy and desperate. i think he is afraid that if he will respond to your messages, he might be giving you false hope of getting back together IMMEDIATELY.
I think he is just as confused as you are. But he is trying to deal with the situation using logic and not emotions just loke what you do.
I think there is still a chance for the two of you since that what his act means to me. But he still appears distant and cold because you are being pushy in getting back. Give him sometime to know himself that he wants this relationship because if you will continue being pushy, he might get back with you just because he is feeling guilty.
You habe broken up with each other because he is not that stable and as a man, it hurts his ego. If you appear clingy then he will think breaking up is the right decision bec you are both weak at the moment.
Give him time to sort out his feelings and give yourself that time too.
Thank you Raed, your advice is great... I only acted clingy for the first two weeks but I've been in NC for almost a month! I can't believe I made it a month and I have been socialising and looking after myself but in the meantime I'm getting a lot of comfort on this site that I'm finding myself that I'm happier coming here and venting than to actually do the 'getting back with ex' hahaha... But you are right in every aspect. Do you think he'll respond to my text or message me if I don't? Do you think he's missing me? you seem to have read him like a book is Raed your real name or are you him in disguise? hahahahaha...
Thank you Raed, your advice is great... I only acted clingy for the first two weeks but I've been in NC for almost a month! I can't believe I made it a month and I have been socialising and looking after myself but in the meantime I'm getting a lot of comfort on this site that I'm finding myself that I'm happier coming here and venting than to actually do the 'getting back with ex' hahaha... But you are right in every aspect. Do you think he'll respond to my text or message me if I don't? Do you think he's missing me? you seem to have read him like a book is Raed your real name or are you him in disguise? hahahahaha...
Thank you Raed, your advice is great... I only acted clingy for the first two weeks but I've been in NC for almost a month! I can't believe I made it a month and I have been socialising and looking after myself but in the meantime I'm getting a lot of comfort on this site that I'm finding myself that I'm happier coming here and venting than to actually do the 'getting back with ex' hahaha... But you are right in every aspect. Do you think he'll respond to my text or message me if I don't? Do you think he's missing me? you seem to have read him like a book is Raed your real name or are you him in disguise? hahahahaha...
Thank you Raed, your advice is great... I only acted clingy for the first two weeks but I've been in NC for almost a month! I can't believe I made it a month and I have been socialising and looking after myself but in the meantime I'm getting a lot of comfort on this site that I'm finding myself that I'm happier coming here and venting than to actually do the 'getting back with ex' hahaha... But you are right in every aspect. Do you think he'll respond to my text or message me if I don't? Do you think he's missing me? you seem to have read him like a book is Raed your real name or are you him in disguise? hahahahaha...
Thank you Raed, your advice is great... I only acted clingy for the first two weeks but I've been in NC for almost a month! I can't believe I made it a month and I have been socialising and looking after myself but in the meantime I'm getting a lot of comfort on this site that I'm finding myself that I'm happier coming here and venting than to actually do the 'getting back with ex' hahaha... But you are right in every aspect. Do you think he'll respond to my text or message me if I don't? Do you think he's missing me? you seem to have read him like a book is Raed your real name or are you him in disguise? hahahahaha...
Rihanna,
I guess he is not responding because you are acting clingy and desperate. i think he is afraid that if he will respond to your messages, he might be giving you false hope of getting back together IMMEDIATELY.
I think he is just as confused as you are. But he is trying to deal with the situation using logic and not emotions just loke what you do.
I think there is still a chance for the two of you since that what his act means to me. But he still appears distant and cold because you are being pushy in getting back. Give him sometime to know himself that he wants this relationship because if you will continue being pushy, he might get back with you just because he is feeling guilty.
You habe broken up with each other because he is not that stable and as a man, it hurts his ego. If you appear clingy then he will think breaking up is the right decision bec you are both weak at the moment.
Give him time to sort out his feelings and give yourself that time too.
Rihanna,
I guess he is not responding because you are acting clingy and desperate. i think he is afraid that if he will respond to your messages, he might be giving you false hope of getting back together IMMEDIATELY.
I think he is just as confused as you are. But he is trying to deal with the situation using logic and not emotions just loke what you do.
I think there is still a chance for the two of you since that what his act means to me. But he still appears distant and cold because you are being pushy in getting back. Give him sometime to know himself that he wants this relationship because if you will continue being pushy, he might get back with you just because he is feeling guilty.
You habe broken up with each other because he is not that stable and as a man, it hurts his ego. If you appear clingy then he will think breaking up is the right decision bec you are both weak at the moment.
Give him time to sort out his feelings and give yourself that time too.
Rihanna,
I guess he is not responding because you are acting clingy and desperate. i think he is afraid that if he will respond to your messages, he might be giving you false hope of getting back together IMMEDIATELY.
I think he is just as confused as you are. But he is trying to deal with the situation using logic and not emotions just loke what you do.
I think there is still a chance for the two of you since that what his act means to me. But he still appears distant and cold because you are being pushy in getting back. Give him sometime to know himself that he wants this relationship because if you will continue being pushy, he might get back with you just because he is feeling guilty.
You habe broken up with each other because he is not that stable and as a man, it hurts his ego. If you appear clingy then he will think breaking up is the right decision bec you are both weak at the moment.
Give him time to sort out his feelings and give yourself that time too.
Thank you Raed, I pray to God that that's the case with him... he hasn't been on fb and only came on to post the piece we worked on but again why doesn't he message me especially after I texted and called him like crazy for two weeks after we broke up (yes I went nuts lol). Anyway, if my story ends up positively then there's hope for everyone here ... your message gave me some hope and sort of took some hurt away, I hope all goes well with you also and thank you for your positive message regardless of the outcome :)
Thank you Raed, I pray to God that that's the case with him... he hasn't been on fb and only came on to post the piece we worked on but again why doesn't he message me especially after I texted and called him like crazy for two weeks after we broke up (yes I went nuts lol). Anyway, if my story ends up positively then there's hope for everyone here ... your message gave me some hope and sort of took some hurt away, I hope all goes well with you also and thank you for your positive message regardless of the outcome :)
Rihanna,
See the positive side! He posted something that you both accomplished together! So, he remembers you! You should not freak out on such things. Instead simply follow the plan! Also, I recommend you to use hand written letter! Such letters have stronger effect than anything else! Good luck!!
Thank you Dara, always good to hear from you especially when you answer a question that's been on my mind for a while without me asking first. So, you think I should do the hand-written letter? He loves my hand writing but I don't know what to say in it other than the odd thank you, I accept which is nice but won't instigate a proper response like a quick text with half shared info. Do you think it's a good idea to make him bit jealous in my letter or text? Not in a bad way or that I'm seeing someone new kind of way but rather in a friendly endearing way... I could use info about us and reflect it back to tweak a bit of jealousy in him but not make him angry. What do you think? How would you feel if you received a hand written letter after a break up? wouldn't you think: "OMG she hand wrote me a letter cos I've ignored her texts, what a desperato!"? My 30 days end in a couple of days but I've extended my NC until next month (july 5) the day we met... What would be the best thing to write to instigate a response and make him wonder for real? Thanks heaps Dara. Hope you've been well :)
Thank you Dara, always good to hear from you especially when you answer a question that's been on my mind for a while without me asking first. So, you think I should do the hand-written letter? He loves my hand writing but I don't know what to say in it other than the odd thank you, I accept which is nice but won't instigate a proper response like a quick text with half shared info. Do you think it's a good idea to make him bit jealous in my letter or text? Not in a bad way or that I'm seeing someone new kind of way but rather in a friendly endearing way... I could use info about us and reflect it back to tweak a bit of jealousy in him but not make him angry. What do you think? How would you feel if you received a hand written letter after a break up? wouldn't you think: "OMG she hand wrote me a letter cos I've ignored her texts, what a desperato!"? My 30 days end in a couple of days but I've extended my NC until next month (july 5) the day we met... What would be the best thing to write to instigate a response and make him wonder for real? Thanks heaps Dara. Hope you've been well :)
Thank you Dara, always good to hear from you especially when you answer a question that's been on my mind for a while without me asking first. So, you think I should do the hand-written letter? He loves my hand writing but I don't know what to say in it other than the odd thank you, I accept which is nice but won't instigate a proper response like a quick text with half shared info. Do you think it's a good idea to make him bit jealous in my letter or text? Not in a bad way or that I'm seeing someone new kind of way but rather in a friendly endearing way... I could use info about us and reflect it back to tweak a bit of jealousy in him but not make him angry. What do you think? How would you feel if you received a hand written letter after a break up? wouldn't you think: "OMG she hand wrote me a letter cos I've ignored her texts, what a desperato!"? My 30 days end in a couple of days but I've extended my NC until next month (july 5) the day we met... What would be the best thing to write to instigate a response and make him wonder for real? Thanks heaps Dara. Hope you've been well :)
Rihanna,
To my understanding, a hand written letter is much stronger that a text! Maybe, he will preserve it somewhere or simply put it on his desk and read it over and over! For text message, he will probably delete it when his inbox is full! Especially in your case, that he is not in good condition, it is more likely that he is not after another girl. So, don't hurry!
About the post, maybe he is getting afraid that you are already over him, so he wanted you to miss him! Maybe he wants to make you contact him! Maybe there are thousand of other maybes, but who knows which one is truth! He will contact you whenever he feels its the right moment. Let him feel that there is a right moment by being cool! Have a great one!!
PS: The format of the mail is already there in this site!
Rihanna,
Dara isaright. It is something positive that he posted both your work it means he's not bitter nor mad because if he is then he would get rid of anything that reminds him of you. I think he posted it on facebook because it is there where you can see it unlike on whatsapp,etc. I think it is his subtle way of lettingyou know he misses you. Maybe he thought if ever he will be posting that and you are well aware that it is both yourwork, he might be expecting thatyou will contact him first to talk about that thing he posted then later on talk about rando things.
But I suggest don't get too excited and break the NC yet. I can see he is somehow missing you, maybe you can still prolong the NC until he will realize that you don't care anymore and maybe you might have moved on already. If I am right with my interpretation, i can see that in the days to come if you won't break NC, he'll be the ons to come running desperately back at you.
Idon't mean to give you false hope but it is what I feel. Anwyway, continue doing NC.
:)
Rihanna,
See the positive side! He posted something that you both accomplished together! So, he remembers you! You should not freak out on such things. Instead simply follow the plan! Also, I recommend you to use hand written letter! Such letters have stronger effect than anything else! Good luck!!
Hi Guys and gals
Bit stuck here!..So my ex started initating contact with me, only small texts here and there...I started to reply but not ask her out and be a bit more Aloof with her...I think shes noticed.
Anyways she starts today asking how I am (small talk) etc...Then she sends me these emails "You know although we dont work I really do miss you as a person and stuff! I just feel all on my own ha!
Obv got my mam and that but cant always have a laugh and stuff with her "
Anyways, A few more emails of me kinda avoiding getting into the whole "missing" thing and just explaining politely and cooly that, we were so close as friends ccoz I had feelings
Now shes asking if ive met someone!...Ive avoided the question a few times and she said "its not a bad thing if you have" and Ive agreed its not a bad thing, although havent gave her a direct answer!
What should I do? Why is she asking me? I actually dont see what the point is...we are on talking terms...I dont want to lie by saying I have, when I havent....but I dont want her thinking she ahs me as a backup plan!
Thanks a lot!!
hey david,
i thinks she still has feelings for you and she cares about you.she is also hurt from the break up and she is confused and that's why one time she says she misses you,one time says it's not gonna work and one time asks if you have met someone.don't let her notice that you get upset,be cool.for now don't bring up anything about getting back together.tell her that you just want to be friends with her.and seriously,act like a friend.let her understand that your ok being just friends,then you can talk to her and meet her without being needy.and about her question,tell her you went out with friends and met new people but you were not officially dating with a special person.i know how confusing these feeling are but trust me it's not as complicated as we make it.try to be cool and don't rush things.
Hi a.z thanks for the reply again :)
Basically think I did all the things you said to do except about the special person. I kinda tried side stepping but she pressed, so I just answered honestly and said no. Then basically after that 2 more emails small talk but not specific about my answer or her question.
I'll see what happens over next few days, she might be popping out on Saturday with me and my friends, but not that I asked, it's mutual friends etc
Hi a.z thanks for the reply again :)
Basically think I did all the things you said to do except about the special person. I kinda tried side stepping but she pressed, so I just answered honestly and said no. Then basically after that 2 more emails small talk but not specific about my answer or her question.
I'll see what happens over next few days, she might be popping out on Saturday with me and my friends, but not that I asked, it's mutual friends etc
Hi a.z thanks for the reply again :)
Basically think I did all the things you said to do except about the special person. I kinda tried side stepping but she pressed, so I just answered honestly and said no. Then basically after that 2 more emails small talk but not specific about my answer or her question.
I'll see what happens over next few days, she might be popping out on Saturday with me and my friends, but not that I asked, it's mutual friends etc
hey david,
i thinks she still has feelings for you and she cares about you.she is also hurt from the break up and she is confused and that's why one time she says she misses you,one time says it's not gonna work and one time asks if you have met someone.don't let her notice that you get upset,be cool.for now don't bring up anything about getting back together.tell her that you just want to be friends with her.and seriously,act like a friend.let her understand that your ok being just friends,then you can talk to her and meet her without being needy.and about her question,tell her you went out with friends and met new people but you were not officially dating with a special person.i know how confusing these feeling are but trust me it's not as complicated as we make it.try to be cool and don't rush things.
My ex texted back! Yesterday we talked for a couple hours via text and that seemed to go well. I just sent him another positive memory text and this one is a little risky I would think since it's the first time I've brought up the relationship with him. I'm hoping for a positive response since everything leading up to this text has been so positive.
I know it's a slow process but my gut said it was the right time to send the text...now I'm just anxious to see what he says. Fingers crossed it's a positive response!
Rina,
Its seems you are in right track!! Good luck!
He hasn't texted back. I'm afraid that text might've came across too eager for him, even though I reread it over and over I thought it would've just gave him a positive memory of us. It's hard not to feel totally worthless when your ex doesn't text you back...I'll give it a week of NC before I try talking to him again. I thought I was going so well...is there anyone having success in getting their ex back?
He's away for work so he won't be home until August. I know the issues we had can be resolved. I know this is all about patience but it's so hard not knowing :(
Any positive thoughts from anyone? I can't seem to shut my mind off now that he hasn't responded. I miss him so much today!
He hasn't texted back. I'm afraid that text might've came across too eager for him, even though I reread it over and over I thought it would've just gave him a positive memory of us. It's hard not to feel totally worthless when your ex doesn't text you back...I'll give it a week of NC before I try talking to him again. I thought I was going so well...is there anyone having success in getting their ex back?
He's away for work so he won't be home until August. I know the issues we had can be resolved. I know this is all about patience but it's so hard not knowing :(
Any positive thoughts from anyone? I can't seem to shut my mind off now that he hasn't responded. I miss him so much today!
He hasn't texted back. I'm afraid that text might've came across too eager for him, even though I reread it over and over I thought it would've just gave him a positive memory of us. It's hard not to feel totally worthless when your ex doesn't text you back...I'll give it a week of NC before I try talking to him again. I thought I was going so well...is there anyone having success in getting their ex back?
He's away for work so he won't be home until August. I know the issues we had can be resolved. I know this is all about patience but it's so hard not knowing :(
Any positive thoughts from anyone? I can't seem to shut my mind off now that he hasn't responded. I miss him so much today!
His responses were really quick too, like he was really engaged in our conversation. I would wait at least five minutes between texts :)
Hi Rina,
That is really encouraging to hear that you have been having texting conversations your Ex, I would recommend just continue to keep calm. I know from previous experience long ago you can get all excited because you have struck up the friendship again, but you have to remember it is still very fragile and if you appear over eager it could push him away again. I would suggest that you now give him a few days NC and just do some stuff for yourself, unless he initiates a conversation with you, even then just keep it low key. Also keep your ear to the ground for any plans that may be happening with friends in a social setting over the next couple of weeks. ie friends going to the beach, movies or doing something as a group. It could create an opportunity to invite him along too. Good luck
Hi Rina,
That is really encouraging to hear that you have been having texting conversations your Ex, I would recommend just continue to keep calm. I know from previous experience long ago you can get all excited because you have struck up the friendship again, but you have to remember it is still very fragile and if you appear over eager it could push him away again. I would suggest that you now give him a few days NC and just do some stuff for yourself, unless he initiates a conversation with you, even then just keep it low key. Also keep your ear to the ground for any plans that may be happening with friends in a social setting over the next couple of weeks. ie friends going to the beach, movies or doing something as a group. It could create an opportunity to invite him along too. Good luck
Hi Rina,
That is really encouraging to hear that you have been having texting conversations your Ex, I would recommend just continue to keep calm. I know from previous experience long ago you can get all excited because you have struck up the friendship again, but you have to remember it is still very fragile and if you appear over eager it could push him away again. I would suggest that you now give him a few days NC and just do some stuff for yourself, unless he initiates a conversation with you, even then just keep it low key. Also keep your ear to the ground for any plans that may be happening with friends in a social setting over the next couple of weeks. ie friends going to the beach, movies or doing something as a group. It could create an opportunity to invite him along too. Good luck
Rina,
Its seems you are in right track!! Good luck!
His responses were really quick too, like he was really engaged in our conversation. I would wait at least five minutes between texts :)
Hi
So basically Iv lost the girl I love..we're broken up 4 months I did no contact after the 3rd month and tried to start a friendship but today she told me she had started to see someone else. It crushed me and I can't be friends with her. Too hard to do, I'm sure most of you understand. I've decided to let her go, cut contact again and get myself to a great place. If we happen we happen I'm just going to let everything run it's course. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who offered advice and help it's greatly appreciated and to Kevin who's emails I still cannot get enough off. Truley inspiring stuff. Probably won't be on this site much more but Iv learned so much from it and Kevin's emails that I will no doubt take into whatever relationships I will end up in...scary stuff lol. To those who love someone and want it, go after it and never give up. The greatest thing is having that special connection with someone so just don't give up.. I know I'm saying that after saying I'm letting her go but I deep down think we will cross paths again. Again thanks everyone :) feel so liberated ha
James,
Sorry to hear that!! Probably its the toughest thing in the world that you are handling!! I hope I can handle it the same way do it right now, if I hear the same story! I hope you win her again but whatever happens I wish you the best!!
So we met up tonight..I tried my hardest with her. She's happy with this guy and they're booking a holiday tomorrow. Wrenched my heart out. So just text her there the most heartfelt message wishing her every happiness and that hopefully someday we can get back together but when I'm moved on il contact her as a friend. Hardest break up Iv ever had without doubt and Iv lost an amazing girl..plenty more fish the see though, right? Lol
Sorry to hear this but as you said James, there are tons of fishes in this ocean! There are a lot of stories to begin!! Though, there are some good stories that we never like to get over but who knows maybe the next one is amazing too!!
Sorry to hear this but as you said James, there are tons of fishes in this ocean! There are a lot of stories to begin!! Though, there are some good stories that we never like to get over but who knows maybe the next one is amazing too!!
Sorry to hear this but as you said James, there are tons of fishes in this ocean! There are a lot of stories to begin!! Though, there are some good stories that we never like to get over but who knows maybe the next one is amazing too!!
Sorry to hear this but as you said James, there are tons of fishes in this ocean! There are a lot of stories to begin!! Though, there are some good stories that we never like to get over but who knows maybe the next one is amazing too!!
So we met up tonight..I tried my hardest with her. She's happy with this guy and they're booking a holiday tomorrow. Wrenched my heart out. So just text her there the most heartfelt message wishing her every happiness and that hopefully someday we can get back together but when I'm moved on il contact her as a friend. Hardest break up Iv ever had without doubt and Iv lost an amazing girl..plenty more fish the see though, right? Lol
So we met up tonight..I tried my hardest with her. She's happy with this guy and they're booking a holiday tomorrow. Wrenched my heart out. So just text her there the most heartfelt message wishing her every happiness and that hopefully someday we can get back together but when I'm moved on il contact her as a friend. Hardest break up Iv ever had without doubt and Iv lost an amazing girl..plenty more fish the see though, right? Lol
Hi James, don't give up yet and actually, don't do anything until Kevin comes back in a few days. I find it hard to believe that she's moved on despite seeing someone else I think she must be on a rebound. Be cool about it (I know it's very hard to do) but if she's willing to be your friend still that means there's hope and a good chance that she's not over you. So, be her friend and when around her be the bubbly confident person she fell in love with, that will bring nostalgia to her emotions then take it from there... Good luck!
Hi
Thanks for the advice. It seems like a lost cause being honest. I told her I still had feeling for her and it would be too hard. She then said sorry she thought I just wanted to be friends
Hi James
Sorry to hear that, but totally understand. I think you get to a stage in the aftermath of a breakup where you start questioning 'Am I putting my life on hold living in the hope that I will get back with my Ex?' It certainly can be a hard stage to be in as there is no solid yes or no answer. All I can suggest is get out there and enjoy life and spend time with other friends and family if possible. Give it a few weeks and just spend time doing stuff for yourself and hopefully in that time your emotions have settled more to decide where you want to head and who knows maybe your Ex will see you out there having fun and she will want to be a part of that too
So we talked after she confirmed she's in a relationship..I wasn't exactly cool about it..I know she has feelings for me I called her on it and she never answered me..also told her I want to meet up cos I know this and she has agreed to meet with me tomorrow
hi james,
I'm sorry to hear this,and i know how much it hurts.but there is a chance that she is in a rebound and i think she still has feelings for you.tell her that you accepted the breakup and understand her and you respect her choice.tell her you are sorry if you acted emotionally and that you will be friends after some times.and wish her the best in her new relationship.don't let her know that you are having a hard time and don't show obsession over the new guy.it is hard but i think this is the best way to get what you want.then work on yourself,enjoy your life,go on dates and wait for her to contact you.if she doesn't,then you can contact her after a few weeks and show that your ok being just friends.
So we talked after she confirmed she's in a relationship..I wasn't exactly cool about it..I know she has feelings for me I called her on it and she never answered me..also told her I want to meet up cos I know this and she has agreed to meet with me tomorrow
hi james,
I'm sorry to hear this,and i know how much it hurts.but there is a chance that she is in a rebound and i think she still has feelings for you.tell her that you accepted the breakup and understand her and you respect her choice.tell her you are sorry if you acted emotionally and that you will be friends after some times.and wish her the best in her new relationship.don't let her know that you are having a hard time and don't show obsession over the new guy.it is hard but i think this is the best way to get what you want.then work on yourself,enjoy your life,go on dates and wait for her to contact you.if she doesn't,then you can contact her after a few weeks and show that your ok being just friends.
So we talked after she confirmed she's in a relationship..I wasn't exactly cool about it..I know she has feelings for me I called her on it and she never answered me..also told her I want to meet up cos I know this and she has agreed to meet with me tomorrow
hi james,
I'm sorry to hear this,and i know how much it hurts.but there is a chance that she is in a rebound and i think she still has feelings for you.tell her that you accepted the breakup and understand her and you respect her choice.tell her you are sorry if you acted emotionally and that you will be friends after some times.and wish her the best in her new relationship.don't let her know that you are having a hard time and don't show obsession over the new guy.it is hard but i think this is the best way to get what you want.then work on yourself,enjoy your life,go on dates and wait for her to contact you.if she doesn't,then you can contact her after a few weeks and show that your ok being just friends.
So we talked after she confirmed she's in a relationship..I wasn't exactly cool about it..I know she has feelings for me I called her on it and she never answered me..also told her I want to meet up cos I know this and she has agreed to meet with me tomorrow
hi james,
I'm sorry to hear this,and i know how much it hurts.but there is a chance that she is in a rebound and i think she still has feelings for you.tell her that you accepted the breakup and understand her and you respect her choice.tell her you are sorry if you acted emotionally and that you will be friends after some times.and wish her the best in her new relationship.don't let her know that you are having a hard time and don't show obsession over the new guy.it is hard but i think this is the best way to get what you want.then work on yourself,enjoy your life,go on dates and wait for her to contact you.if she doesn't,then you can contact her after a few weeks and show that your ok being just friends.
So we talked after she confirmed she's in a relationship..I wasn't exactly cool about it..I know she has feelings for me I called her on it and she never answered me..also told her I want to meet up cos I know this and she has agreed to meet with me tomorrow
hi james,
I'm sorry to hear this,and i know how much it hurts.but there is a chance that she is in a rebound and i think she still has feelings for you.tell her that you accepted the breakup and understand her and you respect her choice.tell her you are sorry if you acted emotionally and that you will be friends after some times.and wish her the best in her new relationship.don't let her know that you are having a hard time and don't show obsession over the new guy.it is hard but i think this is the best way to get what you want.then work on yourself,enjoy your life,go on dates and wait for her to contact you.if she doesn't,then you can contact her after a few weeks and show that your ok being just friends.
Hi James
Sorry to hear that, but totally understand. I think you get to a stage in the aftermath of a breakup where you start questioning 'Am I putting my life on hold living in the hope that I will get back with my Ex?' It certainly can be a hard stage to be in as there is no solid yes or no answer. All I can suggest is get out there and enjoy life and spend time with other friends and family if possible. Give it a few weeks and just spend time doing stuff for yourself and hopefully in that time your emotions have settled more to decide where you want to head and who knows maybe your Ex will see you out there having fun and she will want to be a part of that too
Hi James
Sorry to hear that, but totally understand. I think you get to a stage in the aftermath of a breakup where you start questioning 'Am I putting my life on hold living in the hope that I will get back with my Ex?' It certainly can be a hard stage to be in as there is no solid yes or no answer. All I can suggest is get out there and enjoy life and spend time with other friends and family if possible. Give it a few weeks and just spend time doing stuff for yourself and hopefully in that time your emotions have settled more to decide where you want to head and who knows maybe your Ex will see you out there having fun and she will want to be a part of that too
Hi James
Sorry to hear that, but totally understand. I think you get to a stage in the aftermath of a breakup where you start questioning 'Am I putting my life on hold living in the hope that I will get back with my Ex?' It certainly can be a hard stage to be in as there is no solid yes or no answer. All I can suggest is get out there and enjoy life and spend time with other friends and family if possible. Give it a few weeks and just spend time doing stuff for yourself and hopefully in that time your emotions have settled more to decide where you want to head and who knows maybe your Ex will see you out there having fun and she will want to be a part of that too
Hi
Thanks for the advice. It seems like a lost cause being honest. I told her I still had feeling for her and it would be too hard. She then said sorry she thought I just wanted to be friends
Hi
Thanks for the advice. It seems like a lost cause being honest. I told her I still had feeling for her and it would be too hard. She then said sorry she thought I just wanted to be friends
James,
Sorry to hear that!! Probably its the toughest thing in the world that you are handling!! I hope I can handle it the same way do it right now, if I hear the same story! I hope you win her again but whatever happens I wish you the best!!
Hi James, don't give up yet and actually, don't do anything until Kevin comes back in a few days. I find it hard to believe that she's moved on despite seeing someone else I think she must be on a rebound. Be cool about it (I know it's very hard to do) but if she's willing to be your friend still that means there's hope and a good chance that she's not over you. So, be her friend and when around her be the bubbly confident person she fell in love with, that will bring nostalgia to her emotions then take it from there... Good luck!
Hi all quick update after sending her the birthday message her reply being thanks...
She then messaged me several hours later saying can I ask you something? My reply was: ...
No reply after that from her I'm thinking what did she want to ask me? Do I still wait a week and drop her a text? I think she just wants to know if I'm still interested I feel she is playing head games? I'm so eager to text her saying what did you want to ask me? I feel like a fool replying ... Any opinions?
Hi all its been two days since the birthday message etc. Just now I have texted her saying morning How's your day going? I am waiting for the reply afterwards I will ask her what did she want to ask me? Then I'm hoping to text her saying if she will like to go out next week as time is running up and it's the fasting month on the 28th I feel hopeless but I have to stay strong. I hope I haven't messed up. I'm just so curious with what she wants to ask me could be anything I'm so lost!
Hi Musa,
I think sending the "..." was a bit of a mistake, you should of just something normal like "Sure, what is it?" etc
But anyways, I think you should wait to see if she replies, if not, just leave it and let her cotnact you...even if she does contact you, I would say DONT ask her what she wanted to ask. This is how I see it...if she is playing headgames with you...then you ahvent risen to it....and if she genuinely wanted to ask you a question...she will still want to ask it again, she possibly just got put off with your "..." answer.
She will just be as curious to you, as to why you are NOT asking what she wanted ;) if you see what I mean? I think she will be expecting you to be wondering what she wanted
I think david is right.i kinda think of this as a mindgame. wait for her to contact you and don't ask her about what she was going to say.if it was anything important,she is gonna ask you again anyway.and i think you shouldn't suggest to hang out the first time she contacts you.wait for atleast a couple of short conversations then you can use one of the text messages,so she can see that you are a happy person again,you are not thinking about her all the time,something reminded you of her accidentally,you are confident again and you are not telling her to get back together.
I think david is right.i kinda think of this as a mindgame. wait for her to contact you and don't ask her about what she was going to say.if it was anything important,she is gonna ask you again anyway.and i think you shouldn't suggest to hang out the first time she contacts you.wait for atleast a couple of short conversations then you can use one of the text messages,so she can see that you are a happy person again,you are not thinking about her all the time,something reminded you of her accidentally,you are confident again and you are not telling her to get back together.
I think david is right.i kinda think of this as a mindgame. wait for her to contact you and don't ask her about what she was going to say.if it was anything important,she is gonna ask you again anyway.and i think you shouldn't suggest to hang out the first time she contacts you.wait for atleast a couple of short conversations then you can use one of the text messages,so she can see that you are a happy person again,you are not thinking about her all the time,something reminded you of her accidentally,you are confident again and you are not telling her to get back together.
I think david is right.i kinda think of this as a mindgame. wait for her to contact you and don't ask her about what she was going to say.if it was anything important,she is gonna ask you again anyway.and i think you shouldn't suggest to hang out the first time she contacts you.wait for atleast a couple of short conversations then you can use one of the text messages,so she can see that you are a happy person again,you are not thinking about her all the time,something reminded you of her accidentally,you are confident again and you are not telling her to get back together.
Hi Musa,
I think sending the "..." was a bit of a mistake, you should of just something normal like "Sure, what is it?" etc
But anyways, I think you should wait to see if she replies, if not, just leave it and let her cotnact you...even if she does contact you, I would say DONT ask her what she wanted to ask. This is how I see it...if she is playing headgames with you...then you ahvent risen to it....and if she genuinely wanted to ask you a question...she will still want to ask it again, she possibly just got put off with your "..." answer.
She will just be as curious to you, as to why you are NOT asking what she wanted ;) if you see what I mean? I think she will be expecting you to be wondering what she wanted
Hi Musa,
I think sending the "..." was a bit of a mistake, you should of just something normal like "Sure, what is it?" etc
But anyways, I think you should wait to see if she replies, if not, just leave it and let her cotnact you...even if she does contact you, I would say DONT ask her what she wanted to ask. This is how I see it...if she is playing headgames with you...then you ahvent risen to it....and if she genuinely wanted to ask you a question...she will still want to ask it again, she possibly just got put off with your "..." answer.
She will just be as curious to you, as to why you are NOT asking what she wanted ;) if you see what I mean? I think she will be expecting you to be wondering what she wanted
Hi all its been two days since the birthday message etc. Just now I have texted her saying morning How's your day going? I am waiting for the reply afterwards I will ask her what did she want to ask me? Then I'm hoping to text her saying if she will like to go out next week as time is running up and it's the fasting month on the 28th I feel hopeless but I have to stay strong. I hope I haven't messed up. I'm just so curious with what she wants to ask me could be anything I'm so lost!
I want to share this with you guys. I am still suffering from this. Im not sure if this will happen to you also. But just incase. I am having a hard tme accepting that i am doing well without my ex. I still want to share my happiness and success with her. It pains me to think that she is not here to rejoice share my accomplishments with her. Its still hard to accept for me but i am still moving on. I guess this is normal. Hopefully after sometime she will reply to my text. But i dont think its anytime soon. :(
Daniel,
Nice to hear again from you! Its hard! Post break up symptoms are there usually for 6 months! Its tough for all! Most of the time I drink to fill up my lonely times.
I also know that my chances are slim! Really slim! Only miracles can make it happen! Today, I was thinking about how needy I had turned once upon a time! Unbelievable!! Apparently, I had lost self-control!! I had turned weak!! How pathetic of me!! But it was me, I can remember that! It was me!!
Even now, I still miss her! But I know that there were a lot of changes in me! That "me" is gone!! Yesterday, I was invited to watch World Cup with some Brazilian friends! We were supposed to meet at a bar-restaurant. Ironically, this restaurant was in front of her house! While we were coming back, I watched around to see if I could see her car!! I am sure that I missed her! I wished that we were not broken, so that I could go to her house right after the game, and kiss her and cuddle her!!
Anyway, she is not there and she did not respond to me either at the end of 30 days of NC!! So, I hope to see some of those Brazilian girls again!! ha ha ha...
Thank god you shared this Daniel cos for sometime I've been feeling like everyone of you here is doing well and moving on and I'm the only one not progressing. I feel sick all the time, I want to cry sometimes but can't, I wait til I take a shower to cry out my pain but once i'm there I actually sing hahaha... I always surprise myself that I haven't cried in the shower cos that's supposed to be my only 'me' time where I can let my feelings out. I'm also very disappointed in my ex that he hasn't texted me first and why should we be the ones seeking after them if they're the ones who caused us this pain. Then, a lot of times I think 'who cares about him? I can definitely go on and live without him' and though that's true, yes I can, I don't want to be without him cos he's brought me a lot of happiness in my life. I would live great without him but my life would have better meaning with him in it, that's how I feel anyway. So, you're not alone in missing your ex and good luck to all of us surviving this kind of pain.
Hi Rihanna
Don't worry I think everyone here has varying degrees of missing their Ex, just I think sometime we can be better at putting the mask on and hiding it. I forced myself to have a good weekend doing various things by myself and at the end of the weekend I did feel good and for the first time began thinking that while I miss my Ex I can be ok if it doesn't work out. However the last couple of days have been tough so its still very much up and down for myself.
I think the biggest issue I have right now is that my Ex was my first girlfriend in 8 years and I experienced a lot of rejection from girls in-between that period. That's why I really felt like the 9 months we were together were literally the best time of my life and I was living in bliss and I know she felt it too. I imagine its like you start out seeing the world in black and white and you're ok with that, then all of a sudden you see the world in colour and everything is amazing, then its ripped away from you and you go back to seeing the world in black in white again but now you have that sense of what you have lost and black and white just doesn't cut it anymore
Also, at my work there is a guy who broke up with his girlfriend 3 weeks ago and he was telling me that over the weekend he went to a local bar and picked up a girl and slept with her. His advice to me was I just do the same. However I'm not really the smooth talker and don't feel comfortable going to bars to chat to girls so I feel like I'm facing another long period of being single, which just makes me feel down
Steve,
Sorry to hear more on your story! A friend used to say that there are ups and downs in life and at his moment we are in some down, and ups will come later!! I hope this NC will work for you!! I am a smooth talker and can basically flirt with anyone but the fact is that I still love my ex girlfriend a lot! So, its hard for me as well to sleep with another girl! It seemed to be easy 2-3 weeks ago because I was still angry at her for dumping me but not anymore!! Maybe its a phase that I am going through towards my mental health!!
By the way, what team do you fan in Football World Cup?? I love Brazil, though its not my country, and I don't have close friends from that country!!
Steve, England lost another one to Uruguay.It was a lovely game!! Truly, I love all American especially South American football teams! From European ones, I like Dutch and England. I am happy that Holland took revenge from Spain!! Except for England, I love the world cup this time!!
Thanks for that Dara.
Yeah I hope NC will work for me too...haha. But I hope it works for us all. I know all of us are struggling with the feelings that we have towards our Ex. I was more astonished that the guy at work who had been with his girl for 3 years could easily be unphased by the breakup and get straight back into the dating scene and that literally is his attitude.
As to the football question I don't really have a specific team I support, but have been watching a few games this world cup (Generally I don't follow sport as I'm more of a geek :) )but today I was amazed at how well Chile played, they showed a lot of skill against Spain and deserved the win and I was cheering England on when they lost against Italy.
We really need a good forum to have various topics here :)
Steve, England lost another one to Uruguay.It was a lovely game!! Truly, I love all American especially South American football teams! From European ones, I like Dutch and England. I am happy that Holland took revenge from Spain!! Except for England, I love the world cup this time!!
Thanks for that Dara.
Yeah I hope NC will work for me too...haha. But I hope it works for us all. I know all of us are struggling with the feelings that we have towards our Ex. I was more astonished that the guy at work who had been with his girl for 3 years could easily be unphased by the breakup and get straight back into the dating scene and that literally is his attitude.
As to the football question I don't really have a specific team I support, but have been watching a few games this world cup (Generally I don't follow sport as I'm more of a geek :) )but today I was amazed at how well Chile played, they showed a lot of skill against Spain and deserved the win and I was cheering England on when they lost against Italy.
We really need a good forum to have various topics here :)
Steve, England lost another one to Uruguay.It was a lovely game!! Truly, I love all American especially South American football teams! From European ones, I like Dutch and England. I am happy that Holland took revenge from Spain!! Except for England, I love the world cup this time!!
Thanks for that Dara.
Yeah I hope NC will work for me too...haha. But I hope it works for us all. I know all of us are struggling with the feelings that we have towards our Ex. I was more astonished that the guy at work who had been with his girl for 3 years could easily be unphased by the breakup and get straight back into the dating scene and that literally is his attitude.
As to the football question I don't really have a specific team I support, but have been watching a few games this world cup (Generally I don't follow sport as I'm more of a geek :) )but today I was amazed at how well Chile played, they showed a lot of skill against Spain and deserved the win and I was cheering England on when they lost against Italy.
We really need a good forum to have various topics here :)
Steve, England lost another one to Uruguay.It was a lovely game!! Truly, I love all American especially South American football teams! From European ones, I like Dutch and England. I am happy that Holland took revenge from Spain!! Except for England, I love the world cup this time!!
Thanks for that Dara.
Yeah I hope NC will work for me too...haha. But I hope it works for us all. I know all of us are struggling with the feelings that we have towards our Ex. I was more astonished that the guy at work who had been with his girl for 3 years could easily be unphased by the breakup and get straight back into the dating scene and that literally is his attitude.
As to the football question I don't really have a specific team I support, but have been watching a few games this world cup (Generally I don't follow sport as I'm more of a geek :) )but today I was amazed at how well Chile played, they showed a lot of skill against Spain and deserved the win and I was cheering England on when they lost against Italy.
We really need a good forum to have various topics here :)
Steve, England lost another one to Uruguay.It was a lovely game!! Truly, I love all American especially South American football teams! From European ones, I like Dutch and England. I am happy that Holland took revenge from Spain!! Except for England, I love the world cup this time!!
Thanks for that Dara.
Yeah I hope NC will work for me too...haha. But I hope it works for us all. I know all of us are struggling with the feelings that we have towards our Ex. I was more astonished that the guy at work who had been with his girl for 3 years could easily be unphased by the breakup and get straight back into the dating scene and that literally is his attitude.
As to the football question I don't really have a specific team I support, but have been watching a few games this world cup (Generally I don't follow sport as I'm more of a geek :) )but today I was amazed at how well Chile played, they showed a lot of skill against Spain and deserved the win and I was cheering England on when they lost against Italy.
We really need a good forum to have various topics here :)
Steve,
Sorry to hear more on your story! A friend used to say that there are ups and downs in life and at his moment we are in some down, and ups will come later!! I hope this NC will work for you!! I am a smooth talker and can basically flirt with anyone but the fact is that I still love my ex girlfriend a lot! So, its hard for me as well to sleep with another girl! It seemed to be easy 2-3 weeks ago because I was still angry at her for dumping me but not anymore!! Maybe its a phase that I am going through towards my mental health!!
By the way, what team do you fan in Football World Cup?? I love Brazil, though its not my country, and I don't have close friends from that country!!
Steve,
Sorry to hear more on your story! A friend used to say that there are ups and downs in life and at his moment we are in some down, and ups will come later!! I hope this NC will work for you!! I am a smooth talker and can basically flirt with anyone but the fact is that I still love my ex girlfriend a lot! So, its hard for me as well to sleep with another girl! It seemed to be easy 2-3 weeks ago because I was still angry at her for dumping me but not anymore!! Maybe its a phase that I am going through towards my mental health!!
By the way, what team do you fan in Football World Cup?? I love Brazil, though its not my country, and I don't have close friends from that country!!
Steve,
Sorry to hear more on your story! A friend used to say that there are ups and downs in life and at his moment we are in some down, and ups will come later!! I hope this NC will work for you!! I am a smooth talker and can basically flirt with anyone but the fact is that I still love my ex girlfriend a lot! So, its hard for me as well to sleep with another girl! It seemed to be easy 2-3 weeks ago because I was still angry at her for dumping me but not anymore!! Maybe its a phase that I am going through towards my mental health!!
By the way, what team do you fan in Football World Cup?? I love Brazil, though its not my country, and I don't have close friends from that country!!
Well guys actually im kinda sad while writing this comment. Im kinda obsessing my ex unconciously this few days. Im checking her twitter through my sister's account coz mine is blocked. Well, i found out that someone is making a move on her. She disnt mention if she likes the guy or what. It kinda dealt a small blow in my chest but on the bright side i did not freak out. I accepted the fact. What can i do my ex is pretty. Haha! You know what guys. What i learned in this journey is that its better to move on. Dont waste time on things tou cant control. If your ex doesnt want you then fine. You cant control how they feel. But you can control your reaction and own feelings. So focus on what you can control. Will you let your ex ruin your life? I dont wanna. Imagine you are a bird in a cage once then your ex set you free but here you are doing everything and desperately wanting to get back inside the cage. You see there are opportunities around you. Opportunities that you cant pursue if you are in a relationship your ex. There are good things that opened up in front of you. You just have to shift your view from your ex towards them. Its not over, life goes on. Goodluck guys!
Hi Rihanna
Don't worry I think everyone here has varying degrees of missing their Ex, just I think sometime we can be better at putting the mask on and hiding it. I forced myself to have a good weekend doing various things by myself and at the end of the weekend I did feel good and for the first time began thinking that while I miss my Ex I can be ok if it doesn't work out. However the last couple of days have been tough so its still very much up and down for myself.
I think the biggest issue I have right now is that my Ex was my first girlfriend in 8 years and I experienced a lot of rejection from girls in-between that period. That's why I really felt like the 9 months we were together were literally the best time of my life and I was living in bliss and I know she felt it too. I imagine its like you start out seeing the world in black and white and you're ok with that, then all of a sudden you see the world in colour and everything is amazing, then its ripped away from you and you go back to seeing the world in black in white again but now you have that sense of what you have lost and black and white just doesn't cut it anymore
Also, at my work there is a guy who broke up with his girlfriend 3 weeks ago and he was telling me that over the weekend he went to a local bar and picked up a girl and slept with her. His advice to me was I just do the same. However I'm not really the smooth talker and don't feel comfortable going to bars to chat to girls so I feel like I'm facing another long period of being single, which just makes me feel down
Well guys actually im kinda sad while writing this comment. Im kinda obsessing my ex unconciously this few days. Im checking her twitter through my sister's account coz mine is blocked. Well, i found out that someone is making a move on her. She disnt mention if she likes the guy or what. It kinda dealt a small blow in my chest but on the bright side i did not freak out. I accepted the fact. What can i do my ex is pretty. Haha! You know what guys. What i learned in this journey is that its better to move on. Dont waste time on things tou cant control. If your ex doesnt want you then fine. You cant control how they feel. But you can control your reaction and own feelings. So focus on what you can control. Will you let your ex ruin your life? I dont wanna. Imagine you are a bird in a cage once then your ex set you free but here you are doing everything and desperately wanting to get back inside the cage. You see there are opportunities around you. Opportunities that you cant pursue if you are in a relationship your ex. There are good things that opened up in front of you. You just have to shift your view from your ex towards them. Its not over, life goes on. Goodluck guys!
Hi Rihanna
Don't worry I think everyone here has varying degrees of missing their Ex, just I think sometime we can be better at putting the mask on and hiding it. I forced myself to have a good weekend doing various things by myself and at the end of the weekend I did feel good and for the first time began thinking that while I miss my Ex I can be ok if it doesn't work out. However the last couple of days have been tough so its still very much up and down for myself.
I think the biggest issue I have right now is that my Ex was my first girlfriend in 8 years and I experienced a lot of rejection from girls in-between that period. That's why I really felt like the 9 months we were together were literally the best time of my life and I was living in bliss and I know she felt it too. I imagine its like you start out seeing the world in black and white and you're ok with that, then all of a sudden you see the world in colour and everything is amazing, then its ripped away from you and you go back to seeing the world in black in white again but now you have that sense of what you have lost and black and white just doesn't cut it anymore
Also, at my work there is a guy who broke up with his girlfriend 3 weeks ago and he was telling me that over the weekend he went to a local bar and picked up a girl and slept with her. His advice to me was I just do the same. However I'm not really the smooth talker and don't feel comfortable going to bars to chat to girls so I feel like I'm facing another long period of being single, which just makes me feel down
Well guys actually im kinda sad while writing this comment. Im kinda obsessing my ex unconciously this few days. Im checking her twitter through my sister's account coz mine is blocked. Well, i found out that someone is making a move on her. She disnt mention if she likes the guy or what. It kinda dealt a small blow in my chest but on the bright side i did not freak out. I accepted the fact. What can i do my ex is pretty. Haha! You know what guys. What i learned in this journey is that its better to move on. Dont waste time on things tou cant control. If your ex doesnt want you then fine. You cant control how they feel. But you can control your reaction and own feelings. So focus on what you can control. Will you let your ex ruin your life? I dont wanna. Imagine you are a bird in a cage once then your ex set you free but here you are doing everything and desperately wanting to get back inside the cage. You see there are opportunities around you. Opportunities that you cant pursue if you are in a relationship your ex. There are good things that opened up in front of you. You just have to shift your view from your ex towards them. Its not over, life goes on. Goodluck guys!
Daniel,
Hey! It is happening to me too. I kinda miss her at times but not the obssessive kind of miss. I can go on days without contact.
It feels good because I have never experienced being by myself before, only now and surprisingly I am doing fine. Back to the first time I went here being such a mess and my emotions were all over the place, I never thought that this day will come when I will be fine without her. IT's thrilling at the same time frightening because I don't know if I want her back. And if ever she initiates I dont know if I still want the relationship. Haha
Goodluck, Daniel! Enjoy yourself
Daniel,
Nice to hear again from you! Its hard! Post break up symptoms are there usually for 6 months! Its tough for all! Most of the time I drink to fill up my lonely times.
I also know that my chances are slim! Really slim! Only miracles can make it happen! Today, I was thinking about how needy I had turned once upon a time! Unbelievable!! Apparently, I had lost self-control!! I had turned weak!! How pathetic of me!! But it was me, I can remember that! It was me!!
Even now, I still miss her! But I know that there were a lot of changes in me! That "me" is gone!! Yesterday, I was invited to watch World Cup with some Brazilian friends! We were supposed to meet at a bar-restaurant. Ironically, this restaurant was in front of her house! While we were coming back, I watched around to see if I could see her car!! I am sure that I missed her! I wished that we were not broken, so that I could go to her house right after the game, and kiss her and cuddle her!!
Anyway, she is not there and she did not respond to me either at the end of 30 days of NC!! So, I hope to see some of those Brazilian girls again!! ha ha ha...
Thank god you shared this Daniel cos for sometime I've been feeling like everyone of you here is doing well and moving on and I'm the only one not progressing. I feel sick all the time, I want to cry sometimes but can't, I wait til I take a shower to cry out my pain but once i'm there I actually sing hahaha... I always surprise myself that I haven't cried in the shower cos that's supposed to be my only 'me' time where I can let my feelings out. I'm also very disappointed in my ex that he hasn't texted me first and why should we be the ones seeking after them if they're the ones who caused us this pain. Then, a lot of times I think 'who cares about him? I can definitely go on and live without him' and though that's true, yes I can, I don't want to be without him cos he's brought me a lot of happiness in my life. I would live great without him but my life would have better meaning with him in it, that's how I feel anyway. So, you're not alone in missing your ex and good luck to all of us surviving this kind of pain.
Daniel,
Hey! It is happening to me too. I kinda miss her at times but not the obssessive kind of miss. I can go on days without contact.
It feels good because I have never experienced being by myself before, only now and surprisingly I am doing fine. Back to the first time I went here being such a mess and my emotions were all over the place, I never thought that this day will come when I will be fine without her. IT's thrilling at the same time frightening because I don't know if I want her back. And if ever she initiates I dont know if I still want the relationship. Haha
Goodluck, Daniel! Enjoy yourself
Kevin,
I believe I wasn't able to receive your emails dated June 5, 9, 11, 15 and 16.
Sorry but I am really looking forward to your mails everyday.
Thanks!
Quick update again sorry to bother everyone on here..
I texted her saying: Morning you okay? How's ur day going? X
She replies back:Afternoon I'm ok.. Well I jus woke up.. Wbu? How's things.. Sorry I needed to know something but it's sorted now.
It just seems like she's asking in a friendly way but I don't know... I sense she misses my presence but then we talk I just feel as a normal plain way. Do I go back to no contact? Do I reply back to her? I wanted to see her next week she doesn't even give a kiss(x) back after the text. I feel like I'm back in square one. Feel really low than before to be honest. Thank you all for helping me out.
it's ok musa,say that your glad its sorted.i think you don't need to restart NC.just wait for a week and if she contacts you be nice and friendly,act normal like you are just friends and stop the kisses(x) in your messages.if she doesn't contact you wait 5 more days and send her the s.th reminded of you text.the text shouldn't be romantic it should be something interesting and funny that both of you enjoyed in the past.don't get too personal with her during the conversations.for now you need to get yourself close to her by acting like friends,she doesn't have to feel that you want her back for sure.
Hi Musa
I just want to agree with what A.Z is saying. You are upset that you are back at step 1, but that is actually the place you want to be at right now. The way I see it step 1 is the start of something new with your Ex and that stage is all about building up the friendship you have with your Ex. You have open the lines of communication with her again and that is a good thing. A.Z is right STOP texting kisses to her. You have to treat her like a friend and nothing more right now.
A good way of seeing it is consider building your relationship like climbing a mountain. When you first met your Ex you were at the bottom of the mountain and you had to climb through all the different stages from casual friends to close friends to dating stage to get to the peak of bliss. When she broke up with you, its like you fell all the way to the bottom of the mountain and in order to climb back to the top again you have to start at the beginning with just being a casual friend to her and working your way up.
Don't be discouraged
Hi the thing is I'm sure she is always willing to text me as a friend but I need to start progressing Il wait a few days if she texts me which I doubt she will. Then maybe drop her a text. I don't want her getting used to me as just a friend I'm confused. I know at the moment we are on a friend level but what if she just wants to stay like that. I been thinking about it for 3 days ever since I texted her happy birthday.
thats what everyone here calls it falsefriendship.you just want her to think that your ok being friends so you can talk to her or meet her without appearing needy to her.then you can build attraction and get back to bliss after some times.there are some rules about the meetings and conversations that if you have been following kevin's emails then you should know about ryan river's relationship rewind.you can find all about the relationship stages, rules and the falsefriendship in his book.you don't need to worry about the falsefrienship unless she talks about her feelings for someone else.
thats what everyone here calls it falsefriendship.you just want her to think that your ok being friends so you can talk to her or meet her without appearing needy to her.then you can build attraction and get back to bliss after some times.there are some rules about the meetings and conversations that if you have been following kevin's emails then you should know about ryan river's relationship rewind.you can find all about the relationship stages, rules and the falsefriendship in his book.you don't need to worry about the falsefrienship unless she talks about her feelings for someone else.
thats what everyone here calls it falsefriendship.you just want her to think that your ok being friends so you can talk to her or meet her without appearing needy to her.then you can build attraction and get back to bliss after some times.there are some rules about the meetings and conversations that if you have been following kevin's emails then you should know about ryan river's relationship rewind.you can find all about the relationship stages, rules and the falsefriendship in his book.you don't need to worry about the falsefrienship unless she talks about her feelings for someone else.
thats what everyone here calls it falsefriendship.you just want her to think that your ok being friends so you can talk to her or meet her without appearing needy to her.then you can build attraction and get back to bliss after some times.there are some rules about the meetings and conversations that if you have been following kevin's emails then you should know about ryan river's relationship rewind.you can find all about the relationship stages, rules and the falsefriendship in his book.you don't need to worry about the falsefrienship unless she talks about her feelings for someone else.
thats what everyone here calls it falsefriendship.you just want her to think that your ok being friends so you can talk to her or meet her without appearing needy to her.then you can build attraction and get back to bliss after some times.there are some rules about the meetings and conversations that if you have been following kevin's emails then you should know about ryan river's relationship rewind.you can find all about the relationship stages, rules and the falsefriendship in his book.you don't need to worry about the falsefrienship unless she talks about her feelings for someone else.
Hi the thing is I'm sure she is always willing to text me as a friend but I need to start progressing Il wait a few days if she texts me which I doubt she will. Then maybe drop her a text. I don't want her getting used to me as just a friend I'm confused. I know at the moment we are on a friend level but what if she just wants to stay like that. I been thinking about it for 3 days ever since I texted her happy birthday.
Hi the thing is I'm sure she is always willing to text me as a friend but I need to start progressing Il wait a few days if she texts me which I doubt she will. Then maybe drop her a text. I don't want her getting used to me as just a friend I'm confused. I know at the moment we are on a friend level but what if she just wants to stay like that. I been thinking about it for 3 days ever since I texted her happy birthday.
Hi the thing is I'm sure she is always willing to text me as a friend but I need to start progressing Il wait a few days if she texts me which I doubt she will. Then maybe drop her a text. I don't want her getting used to me as just a friend I'm confused. I know at the moment we are on a friend level but what if she just wants to stay like that. I been thinking about it for 3 days ever since I texted her happy birthday.
Thanks A.z u just replied back saying I'm glad it's sorted I didn't reply back telling her I'm fine... Il give it 5 days and see what happens... Everything just seems to be on a standstill she's just being plain. I believe it's mind games. Thanks for your support.
don't worry about the mind games,follow your plan i'm sure your gonna be fine.she is not over you.
and you can have the conversation on skype or other video calls during the month.that is also effective .
musa,
you didn't have to buy her anything when you weren't together.don't rush the things,be cool and wait for the time. doesn't matter if you can't see her on the fasting month.just think which one is better? trying to rush things and possibly ruining everything you've done till now or being in touch with her and meet her when its the time.and during this time you can prove her that you are happy and doing well in your life and improving your personal life without her.be sure this is really attractive to everyone.
Yes thank you so much the problem is Ramadan the fasting month is on the 28th of this month where we can't see each other.So how shall I play it out. I feel upset that I didn't even buy her nothing. Everyone is saying something different let's hope I do get a message from her real soon.
and you can have the conversation on skype or other video calls during the month.that is also effective .
musa,
you didn't have to buy her anything when you weren't together.don't rush the things,be cool and wait for the time. doesn't matter if you can't see her on the fasting month.just think which one is better? trying to rush things and possibly ruining everything you've done till now or being in touch with her and meet her when its the time.and during this time you can prove her that you are happy and doing well in your life and improving your personal life without her.be sure this is really attractive to everyone.
Yes thank you so much the problem is Ramadan the fasting month is on the 28th of this month where we can't see each other.So how shall I play it out. I feel upset that I didn't even buy her nothing. Everyone is saying something different let's hope I do get a message from her real soon.
and you can have the conversation on skype or other video calls during the month.that is also effective .
musa,
you didn't have to buy her anything when you weren't together.don't rush the things,be cool and wait for the time. doesn't matter if you can't see her on the fasting month.just think which one is better? trying to rush things and possibly ruining everything you've done till now or being in touch with her and meet her when its the time.and during this time you can prove her that you are happy and doing well in your life and improving your personal life without her.be sure this is really attractive to everyone.
Yes thank you so much the problem is Ramadan the fasting month is on the 28th of this month where we can't see each other.So how shall I play it out. I feel upset that I didn't even buy her nothing. Everyone is saying something different let's hope I do get a message from her real soon.
and you can have the conversation on skype or other video calls during the month.that is also effective .
musa,
you didn't have to buy her anything when you weren't together.don't rush the things,be cool and wait for the time. doesn't matter if you can't see her on the fasting month.just think which one is better? trying to rush things and possibly ruining everything you've done till now or being in touch with her and meet her when its the time.and during this time you can prove her that you are happy and doing well in your life and improving your personal life without her.be sure this is really attractive to everyone.
Yes thank you so much the problem is Ramadan the fasting month is on the 28th of this month where we can't see each other.So how shall I play it out. I feel upset that I didn't even buy her nothing. Everyone is saying something different let's hope I do get a message from her real soon.
and you can have the conversation on skype or other video calls during the month.that is also effective .
musa,
you didn't have to buy her anything when you weren't together.don't rush the things,be cool and wait for the time. doesn't matter if you can't see her on the fasting month.just think which one is better? trying to rush things and possibly ruining everything you've done till now or being in touch with her and meet her when its the time.and during this time you can prove her that you are happy and doing well in your life and improving your personal life without her.be sure this is really attractive to everyone.
Yes thank you so much the problem is Ramadan the fasting month is on the 28th of this month where we can't see each other.So how shall I play it out. I feel upset that I didn't even buy her nothing. Everyone is saying something different let's hope I do get a message from her real soon.
don't worry about the mind games,follow your plan i'm sure your gonna be fine.she is not over you.
don't worry about the mind games,follow your plan i'm sure your gonna be fine.she is not over you.
don't worry about the mind games,follow your plan i'm sure your gonna be fine.she is not over you.
Hi Musa
I just want to agree with what A.Z is saying. You are upset that you are back at step 1, but that is actually the place you want to be at right now. The way I see it step 1 is the start of something new with your Ex and that stage is all about building up the friendship you have with your Ex. You have open the lines of communication with her again and that is a good thing. A.Z is right STOP texting kisses to her. You have to treat her like a friend and nothing more right now.
A good way of seeing it is consider building your relationship like climbing a mountain. When you first met your Ex you were at the bottom of the mountain and you had to climb through all the different stages from casual friends to close friends to dating stage to get to the peak of bliss. When she broke up with you, its like you fell all the way to the bottom of the mountain and in order to climb back to the top again you have to start at the beginning with just being a casual friend to her and working your way up.
Don't be discouraged
Thanks A.z u just replied back saying I'm glad it's sorted I didn't reply back telling her I'm fine... Il give it 5 days and see what happens... Everything just seems to be on a standstill she's just being plain. I believe it's mind games. Thanks for your support.
Hi Musa
I just want to agree with what A.Z is saying. You are upset that you are back at step 1, but that is actually the place you want to be at right now. The way I see it step 1 is the start of something new with your Ex and that stage is all about building up the friendship you have with your Ex. You have open the lines of communication with her again and that is a good thing. A.Z is right STOP texting kisses to her. You have to treat her like a friend and nothing more right now.
A good way of seeing it is consider building your relationship like climbing a mountain. When you first met your Ex you were at the bottom of the mountain and you had to climb through all the different stages from casual friends to close friends to dating stage to get to the peak of bliss. When she broke up with you, its like you fell all the way to the bottom of the mountain and in order to climb back to the top again you have to start at the beginning with just being a casual friend to her and working your way up.
Don't be discouraged
Thanks A.z u just replied back saying I'm glad it's sorted I didn't reply back telling her I'm fine... Il give it 5 days and see what happens... Everything just seems to be on a standstill she's just being plain. I believe it's mind games. Thanks for your support.
it's ok musa,say that your glad its sorted.i think you don't need to restart NC.just wait for a week and if she contacts you be nice and friendly,act normal like you are just friends and stop the kisses(x) in your messages.if she doesn't contact you wait 5 more days and send her the s.th reminded of you text.the text shouldn't be romantic it should be something interesting and funny that both of you enjoyed in the past.don't get too personal with her during the conversations.for now you need to get yourself close to her by acting like friends,she doesn't have to feel that you want her back for sure.
Hi everyone, Does anyone have the format of the hand written letter to send to me? I know it's on this site but I can't find it :( ... thanks heaps
Hey Rihanna
The format I have for the letters was from one of the emails that Kevin sent me. But if you scroll up this page you get the basis of the do's and don'ts of the letter. Good luck writing it. I have decided that's how I'm going to break NC and have a draft written already :) If you need more information I can do a cut and paste
Thank you Steve, I have not yet received that email and would very much appreciate it if you would cut and paste (if no problem)... I wish you all the best and hope it goes well for you ... keep us posted :)
Thank you Steve, I have not yet received that email and would very much appreciate it if you would cut and paste (if no problem)... I wish you all the best and hope it goes well for you ... keep us posted :)
Thank you Steve, I have not yet received that email and would very much appreciate it if you would cut and paste (if no problem)... I wish you all the best and hope it goes well for you ... keep us posted :)
Hey Rihanna
The format I have for the letters was from one of the emails that Kevin sent me. But if you scroll up this page you get the basis of the do's and don'ts of the letter. Good luck writing it. I have decided that's how I'm going to break NC and have a draft written already :) If you need more information I can do a cut and paste
Im a mess! I saw a guy posted a heart on her wall on facebook. I let go of a few tears. But thats it. I dont want to be hurt anymore.
Daniel, my friend, stay strong!! Maybe its better to see that she is really gone for good!! Then you can have a conclusion in your mind on what you are going to do next! I hope this Facebook poster guy is not even a rebound one, just a pest! I don't know who is in worse situation, but I can't even see what's going on on her Facebook! I also don't know how did it end for you. Daniel, since you have done 90 days of NC and did not get any result from text or post, I suggest you to see her somewhere somehow and if it didn't work just move on!!
Daniel, my friend, stay strong!! Maybe its better to see that she is really gone for good!! Then you can have a conclusion in your mind on what you are going to do next! I hope this Facebook poster guy is not even a rebound one, just a pest! I don't know who is in worse situation, but I can't even see what's going on on her Facebook! I also don't know how did it end for you. Daniel, since you have done 90 days of NC and did not get any result from text or post, I suggest you to see her somewhere somehow and if it didn't work just move on!!
Hi All,
Just thought Id post for an update and some opinions, Im having a bit of a down day yesterday and today.
So far following on from her last emails asking if I had met anyone, She has been texting/Emailing me casually, Ive been replying as normal and trying to ignore the "emotional" side, She asked what I was upto 1 night and I said going to a friends house...she replied saying "oh a 'friend' ay!" (basically implying a female friend) and I said no, it was actually 2 friends to which she said "I do her head in lol, your not simple like normal guys", she said i should of just said the names of the ppl instead of beating around the bush by only saying "going to a friends" and that I would complain to her if she said the same thing instead of naming names.
Anyways, During this normal conversations yesterday she was on about moving out to a flat etc and I wished her goodluck, she still txts me goodnight etc,
so she is initiating most/if not all of the contact now as im only actually replying to her...
Today I initiated as I had a genuine non relationship question for her which I know she could help me with...she is emailing me etc and we somehow got onto the topic of her saying she dont know what she wants to do (in terms of life, holidays/mortgages etc), and as Ive been casually talking to her and I mentioned about myself that I want a mortgage, she mentioned she doesnt want a mortage or commitment of that by herself and I agreed to an extent. She said "well lets hope you find yourself a gf for when you want to move out"...
Basically, i honestly do feel uncomfortable talking about me or her having a gf/bf...though I havent asked and she hasnt hinted at her having a new BF or moving on...But I am very confused today...we are talking normal and casually but it seems to be more based about us both moving on..which im playing it cool but dont like it tbh
Im confused at all the hints of me moving on or having a girlfriend...shes going to a festival in a few days so theyll be plenty of opportunities for her to have some "fuN"...and i get the impression that shes hinting at me moving on and saying "Its not bad is it, its been 2 months hasnt it?" and looking for re-assurance for her to move on
Do you think im right in assuming this?
Should I email back and ask why she keeps mentioning about me moving on witha gf? Should I tell her if she wants to move on etc then do it...dont keep hinting at me doing it first etc
Any ideas?
Thanks a lot
Thank you David! For the reasons you mentioned I believe I have less chances, but I am naturally a positive thinker. I think this helps me most of the time in human-human relations! Good luck again!!
Oh! A.Z. and David, I just remembered something funny about her mind games! Once, I caught her and told her that I want to talk to her! In short, it was like this, I: "I want you to help me to improve the quality of our relationship and I can do anything for it", She: "You are too selfish, I'm not happy in it", then I: "So, what do you suggest?" She: "I am sure you will resist again, because you are selfish", I: "No, I will impose my idea, what ever you say, this will be ultimate decision", She: "I want breakup". I: "Okay, we'll break up" She: "What?? You are okay?", I: "This is what you want, I should not be selfish" She: "We need to think more about it", I: "How much? When will you let me know about it?" She: "This weekend. Come to my house, we'll talk about it" I: "Okay!"
That evening, she sent me some pics, some emails, etc. but on the weekend, she did not respond to my message as a reminder for the meeting. About 1 a.m. she texted me "What's up?" and I said that I am watching some movies with friend. Next week, she told me that she wanted to breakup and I resisted. Also, she told me that she wanted to invite me to her house, but I said that I am busy!!
We'll I still don't understand that why do I am looking for such person who keeps playing such games with me!! Maybe because my friends and I believe that I had a beautiful girlfriend! How cheap of me!! LOL!! Anyway, there are chances that I meet her tomorrow. If her behavior is welcoming, I might talk to her. After all, its my 55th day of NC!
yes ,these are some psychological problems that most of the girls, including me have :D .try to keep the conversation in a friendly way and short.she doesn't have to feel anything about your feelings for her.if she is welcoming ,wait one more week and send her one of the texts and then little by little ask her out. wish u all the best :)
Thanks A.Z.! I will do my best if I get the chance!!
Thanks A.Z.! I will do my best if I get the chance!!
Thanks A.Z.! I will do my best if I get the chance!!
Thanks A.Z.! I will do my best if I get the chance!!
Thanks A.Z.! I will do my best if I get the chance!!
yes ,these are some psychological problems that most of the girls, including me have :D .try to keep the conversation in a friendly way and short.she doesn't have to feel anything about your feelings for her.if she is welcoming ,wait one more week and send her one of the texts and then little by little ask her out. wish u all the best :)
yes ,these are some psychological problems that most of the girls, including me have :D .try to keep the conversation in a friendly way and short.she doesn't have to feel anything about your feelings for her.if she is welcoming ,wait one more week and send her one of the texts and then little by little ask her out. wish u all the best :)
yes ,these are some psychological problems that most of the girls, including me have :D .try to keep the conversation in a friendly way and short.she doesn't have to feel anything about your feelings for her.if she is welcoming ,wait one more week and send her one of the texts and then little by little ask her out. wish u all the best :)
Oh! A.Z. and David, I just remembered something funny about her mind games! Once, I caught her and told her that I want to talk to her! In short, it was like this, I: "I want you to help me to improve the quality of our relationship and I can do anything for it", She: "You are too selfish, I'm not happy in it", then I: "So, what do you suggest?" She: "I am sure you will resist again, because you are selfish", I: "No, I will impose my idea, what ever you say, this will be ultimate decision", She: "I want breakup". I: "Okay, we'll break up" She: "What?? You are okay?", I: "This is what you want, I should not be selfish" She: "We need to think more about it", I: "How much? When will you let me know about it?" She: "This weekend. Come to my house, we'll talk about it" I: "Okay!"
That evening, she sent me some pics, some emails, etc. but on the weekend, she did not respond to my message as a reminder for the meeting. About 1 a.m. she texted me "What's up?" and I said that I am watching some movies with friend. Next week, she told me that she wanted to breakup and I resisted. Also, she told me that she wanted to invite me to her house, but I said that I am busy!!
We'll I still don't understand that why do I am looking for such person who keeps playing such games with me!! Maybe because my friends and I believe that I had a beautiful girlfriend! How cheap of me!! LOL!! Anyway, there are chances that I meet her tomorrow. If her behavior is welcoming, I might talk to her. After all, its my 55th day of NC!
Oh! A.Z. and David, I just remembered something funny about her mind games! Once, I caught her and told her that I want to talk to her! In short, it was like this, I: "I want you to help me to improve the quality of our relationship and I can do anything for it", She: "You are too selfish, I'm not happy in it", then I: "So, what do you suggest?" She: "I am sure you will resist again, because you are selfish", I: "No, I will impose my idea, what ever you say, this will be ultimate decision", She: "I want breakup". I: "Okay, we'll break up" She: "What?? You are okay?", I: "This is what you want, I should not be selfish" She: "We need to think more about it", I: "How much? When will you let me know about it?" She: "This weekend. Come to my house, we'll talk about it" I: "Okay!"
That evening, she sent me some pics, some emails, etc. but on the weekend, she did not respond to my message as a reminder for the meeting. About 1 a.m. she texted me "What's up?" and I said that I am watching some movies with friend. Next week, she told me that she wanted to breakup and I resisted. Also, she told me that she wanted to invite me to her house, but I said that I am busy!!
We'll I still don't understand that why do I am looking for such person who keeps playing such games with me!! Maybe because my friends and I believe that I had a beautiful girlfriend! How cheap of me!! LOL!! Anyway, there are chances that I meet her tomorrow. If her behavior is welcoming, I might talk to her. After all, its my 55th day of NC!
David,
Whenever I read you notes here, I felt that we are dating the same girl! Especially that her ex was someone named David! LOL In fact, my breakup was not out of blue and it was gradual indifference from her! Moreover, I always heard this nasty sentence, "go and find yourself another girlfriend". I kept silent every time because I did not know what to say! In the last days, she went deeper and started making paragraphs like, "there are so many good girls around, why don't you find a new another one. I'm sure they will make you happier than I do". They really made me uncomfortable. My response was usually silence or I would say, "I love you more than anyone else". I think probably I shouldn't have been so direct.
Anyway, I think I am learning things from you and A.Z.'s comments here!! Good luck to both of you!!
hey dara,
you are right,you don't have to be that direct.in fact she doesn't have to be sure that you still have strong feelings for her.i do believe its too hard when it comes to controlling the emotions and i'm also working so hard on myself. every time you want to show up your feelings,just remind yourself that you need to control it and its for your own good.wish you all the best :)
Hey A.Z.,
Thank you very much!
I don't know why I had turn this way in this relationship. Even she would confess that she is surprised that why should I love her so much. She had come to conclusion that all my previous relationships were terrible. At some point, I concluded that this assumption is extremely dangerous for our relationship. This NC helped me gain a lot of things including my composure. At this point my aim is to break all such assumptions about me and I know, I have only one option; play it cool!!
Thanks again!!
Haha, Im sorry and glad your in the similar situation to me :)
Its hard, but also makes it easier to talk about if we are in similar situation!
Yeah my ex said she wasnt good enough for me etc but this was after we broke up, but like yourself I used to be silent and not say stuff. I also made the deadly mistake of telling her how much I loved her. For me...the big turning point in her initiating all of the contact was what my friend told me in person, it was this
"Basically, dont ignore her, just reply as normal, dont bother timing your replies etc, if you see it and want to reply instantly, then do it if you want, but just reply normally and try to remove emotion..bit more more "Aloof". Reply in a friendly way as you would a male friend I suppose, sometimes a female friend, answer her questions if she asks you some, but just bluntly and dont try to keep the conversation open too hard..just do what is normally acceptable"
So basically If she said to me "Hows you? Been upto much? x" I would just reply "yeah im good thanks, just been to pub and cinema with Rich, how about you? x"
If the conversation ended, then so be it, I could notice the conversation drying up sometimes and it always ended on me sending the last message...(i sometimes think of how to start it back up....but I hold back)
Then suddenly I would get a message from her late at night saying something simple like "Night x" or the next morning, just with her telling me how shes tired or something...again I just replied something kinda normal like "haha, Why so tireD? should get to bed earlier! x"
For me personally!...This was a lot easier then NC for me..I did a week of NC until she contacted me..but ignoring her I think fans the flames, Also its a bit too hard on me personally to IGNORE someone, but for me personally me knowing that im replying and not been ignorant and leaving the ball in their court, its a big help to me.
If she wants to strike up conversation she will do with me and ill reply, if she doesnt then im not chasing her.
She seems to of recognised my change straight away I think as you can see from my posts below.
good luck!
Haha, Im sorry and glad your in the similar situation to me :)
Its hard, but also makes it easier to talk about if we are in similar situation!
Yeah my ex said she wasnt good enough for me etc but this was after we broke up, but like yourself I used to be silent and not say stuff. I also made the deadly mistake of telling her how much I loved her. For me...the big turning point in her initiating all of the contact was what my friend told me in person, it was this
"Basically, dont ignore her, just reply as normal, dont bother timing your replies etc, if you see it and want to reply instantly, then do it if you want, but just reply normally and try to remove emotion..bit more more "Aloof". Reply in a friendly way as you would a male friend I suppose, sometimes a female friend, answer her questions if she asks you some, but just bluntly and dont try to keep the conversation open too hard..just do what is normally acceptable"
So basically If she said to me "Hows you? Been upto much? x" I would just reply "yeah im good thanks, just been to pub and cinema with Rich, how about you? x"
If the conversation ended, then so be it, I could notice the conversation drying up sometimes and it always ended on me sending the last message...(i sometimes think of how to start it back up....but I hold back)
Then suddenly I would get a message from her late at night saying something simple like "Night x" or the next morning, just with her telling me how shes tired or something...again I just replied something kinda normal like "haha, Why so tireD? should get to bed earlier! x"
For me personally!...This was a lot easier then NC for me..I did a week of NC until she contacted me..but ignoring her I think fans the flames, Also its a bit too hard on me personally to IGNORE someone, but for me personally me knowing that im replying and not been ignorant and leaving the ball in their court, its a big help to me.
If she wants to strike up conversation she will do with me and ill reply, if she doesnt then im not chasing her.
She seems to of recognised my change straight away I think as you can see from my posts below.
good luck!
Haha, Im sorry and glad your in the similar situation to me :)
Its hard, but also makes it easier to talk about if we are in similar situation!
Yeah my ex said she wasnt good enough for me etc but this was after we broke up, but like yourself I used to be silent and not say stuff. I also made the deadly mistake of telling her how much I loved her. For me...the big turning point in her initiating all of the contact was what my friend told me in person, it was this
"Basically, dont ignore her, just reply as normal, dont bother timing your replies etc, if you see it and want to reply instantly, then do it if you want, but just reply normally and try to remove emotion..bit more more "Aloof". Reply in a friendly way as you would a male friend I suppose, sometimes a female friend, answer her questions if she asks you some, but just bluntly and dont try to keep the conversation open too hard..just do what is normally acceptable"
So basically If she said to me "Hows you? Been upto much? x" I would just reply "yeah im good thanks, just been to pub and cinema with Rich, how about you? x"
If the conversation ended, then so be it, I could notice the conversation drying up sometimes and it always ended on me sending the last message...(i sometimes think of how to start it back up....but I hold back)
Then suddenly I would get a message from her late at night saying something simple like "Night x" or the next morning, just with her telling me how shes tired or something...again I just replied something kinda normal like "haha, Why so tireD? should get to bed earlier! x"
For me personally!...This was a lot easier then NC for me..I did a week of NC until she contacted me..but ignoring her I think fans the flames, Also its a bit too hard on me personally to IGNORE someone, but for me personally me knowing that im replying and not been ignorant and leaving the ball in their court, its a big help to me.
If she wants to strike up conversation she will do with me and ill reply, if she doesnt then im not chasing her.
She seems to of recognised my change straight away I think as you can see from my posts below.
good luck!
Haha, Im sorry and glad your in the similar situation to me :)
Its hard, but also makes it easier to talk about if we are in similar situation!
Yeah my ex said she wasnt good enough for me etc but this was after we broke up, but like yourself I used to be silent and not say stuff. I also made the deadly mistake of telling her how much I loved her. For me...the big turning point in her initiating all of the contact was what my friend told me in person, it was this
"Basically, dont ignore her, just reply as normal, dont bother timing your replies etc, if you see it and want to reply instantly, then do it if you want, but just reply normally and try to remove emotion..bit more more "Aloof". Reply in a friendly way as you would a male friend I suppose, sometimes a female friend, answer her questions if she asks you some, but just bluntly and dont try to keep the conversation open too hard..just do what is normally acceptable"
So basically If she said to me "Hows you? Been upto much? x" I would just reply "yeah im good thanks, just been to pub and cinema with Rich, how about you? x"
If the conversation ended, then so be it, I could notice the conversation drying up sometimes and it always ended on me sending the last message...(i sometimes think of how to start it back up....but I hold back)
Then suddenly I would get a message from her late at night saying something simple like "Night x" or the next morning, just with her telling me how shes tired or something...again I just replied something kinda normal like "haha, Why so tireD? should get to bed earlier! x"
For me personally!...This was a lot easier then NC for me..I did a week of NC until she contacted me..but ignoring her I think fans the flames, Also its a bit too hard on me personally to IGNORE someone, but for me personally me knowing that im replying and not been ignorant and leaving the ball in their court, its a big help to me.
If she wants to strike up conversation she will do with me and ill reply, if she doesnt then im not chasing her.
She seems to of recognised my change straight away I think as you can see from my posts below.
good luck!
Haha, Im sorry and glad your in the similar situation to me :)
Its hard, but also makes it easier to talk about if we are in similar situation!
Yeah my ex said she wasnt good enough for me etc but this was after we broke up, but like yourself I used to be silent and not say stuff. I also made the deadly mistake of telling her how much I loved her. For me...the big turning point in her initiating all of the contact was what my friend told me in person, it was this
"Basically, dont ignore her, just reply as normal, dont bother timing your replies etc, if you see it and want to reply instantly, then do it if you want, but just reply normally and try to remove emotion..bit more more "Aloof". Reply in a friendly way as you would a male friend I suppose, sometimes a female friend, answer her questions if she asks you some, but just bluntly and dont try to keep the conversation open too hard..just do what is normally acceptable"
So basically If she said to me "Hows you? Been upto much? x" I would just reply "yeah im good thanks, just been to pub and cinema with Rich, how about you? x"
If the conversation ended, then so be it, I could notice the conversation drying up sometimes and it always ended on me sending the last message...(i sometimes think of how to start it back up....but I hold back)
Then suddenly I would get a message from her late at night saying something simple like "Night x" or the next morning, just with her telling me how shes tired or something...again I just replied something kinda normal like "haha, Why so tireD? should get to bed earlier! x"
For me personally!...This was a lot easier then NC for me..I did a week of NC until she contacted me..but ignoring her I think fans the flames, Also its a bit too hard on me personally to IGNORE someone, but for me personally me knowing that im replying and not been ignorant and leaving the ball in their court, its a big help to me.
If she wants to strike up conversation she will do with me and ill reply, if she doesnt then im not chasing her.
She seems to of recognised my change straight away I think as you can see from my posts below.
good luck!
Hey A.Z.,
Thank you very much!
I don't know why I had turn this way in this relationship. Even she would confess that she is surprised that why should I love her so much. She had come to conclusion that all my previous relationships were terrible. At some point, I concluded that this assumption is extremely dangerous for our relationship. This NC helped me gain a lot of things including my composure. At this point my aim is to break all such assumptions about me and I know, I have only one option; play it cool!!
Thanks again!!
Hey A.Z.,
Thank you very much!
I don't know why I had turn this way in this relationship. Even she would confess that she is surprised that why should I love her so much. She had come to conclusion that all my previous relationships were terrible. At some point, I concluded that this assumption is extremely dangerous for our relationship. This NC helped me gain a lot of things including my composure. At this point my aim is to break all such assumptions about me and I know, I have only one option; play it cool!!
Thanks again!!
Hey A.Z.,
Thank you very much!
I don't know why I had turn this way in this relationship. Even she would confess that she is surprised that why should I love her so much. She had come to conclusion that all my previous relationships were terrible. At some point, I concluded that this assumption is extremely dangerous for our relationship. This NC helped me gain a lot of things including my composure. At this point my aim is to break all such assumptions about me and I know, I have only one option; play it cool!!
Thanks again!!
hey dara,
you are right,you don't have to be that direct.in fact she doesn't have to be sure that you still have strong feelings for her.i do believe its too hard when it comes to controlling the emotions and i'm also working so hard on myself. every time you want to show up your feelings,just remind yourself that you need to control it and its for your own good.wish you all the best :)
hey dara,
you are right,you don't have to be that direct.in fact she doesn't have to be sure that you still have strong feelings for her.i do believe its too hard when it comes to controlling the emotions and i'm also working so hard on myself. every time you want to show up your feelings,just remind yourself that you need to control it and its for your own good.wish you all the best :)
Oh and I think she tried to start a drunk conversation with me the other day..she didnt call, but messaged me at 12:30am, sayin "oi" and when i asked why she messagedme, she said "I dunno, just thought of you whilst eating"...turns out she had been on the night
i think she is just saying this to see what your answers will be.like if you want to move on or get into a new relationship.or maybe she hopes you say something about getting back together.i kinda did the same things with my exes before.i think you should tell her that you don't need to use a girl to move on and right now you are enjoying your life the way it is and there is no girl in it for now.and about her,tell her that its her life and she has a right to do whatever she thinks is right. then ask her not to talk about the breakup and whatever bad that happened between you in a polite way.then bring up something funny and change the topic.
Thanks a.z,
I kinda did think about asking her to not bring up the gf thing..but I just replied pretty much as you said here is what I sent
"Oh thanks, you make me sound desperate to find a gf! and that im on some sort of friggin time table! lol
Im not interested in anything like that at moment, I need to sort myself out first ha x"
She replied after that but not in a nasty or cold way, and we ended on a funny note the conversation has ended now, so thats cool.
Im not sure she hopes I say something about the getting back together, as it was only 1-2 days ago she mentioned the "We dont work but I do miss you" thing. and she does know my feelings for her.
We shall see what tonight/tomorrow brings to see what/if she texts me...Tomorrow is Friday when i said I would take her out but I havent mentioned it since...so we shall see if she mentions it or not...then on Saturday she is on about coming out whilst im out with our mutual friends, so im just going to be myself.
Thats my strong point :)....Im very good at been myself and having a reallygood time....very good at communicating socially and face to face..not so good through writing :)
Thanks
cool david, wish you all the best for the meeting. doesn't matter if she said its not gonna work but she misses you.i said the same thing to my ex but i'm really in love with him.i absolutely told him that i don't want him back anymore he became mad and i got my answer that he still cares.that is kind of a girls psychology i guess :D.but i'm sure she has feelings for you and you can change this stage by acting like friends.let her doubt about your feelings and wonder whether you still want her back or not.and once you meet and she see that you are all happy and confident and enjoying your life without her,i think she will second guess about the breakup decision.
cool david, wish you all the best for the meeting. doesn't matter if she said its not gonna work but she misses you.i said the same thing to my ex but i'm really in love with him.i absolutely told him that i don't want him back anymore he became mad and i got my answer that he still cares.that is kind of a girls psychology i guess :D.but i'm sure she has feelings for you and you can change this stage by acting like friends.let her doubt about your feelings and wonder whether you still want her back or not.and once you meet and she see that you are all happy and confident and enjoying your life without her,i think she will second guess about the breakup decision.
cool david, wish you all the best for the meeting. doesn't matter if she said its not gonna work but she misses you.i said the same thing to my ex but i'm really in love with him.i absolutely told him that i don't want him back anymore he became mad and i got my answer that he still cares.that is kind of a girls psychology i guess :D.but i'm sure she has feelings for you and you can change this stage by acting like friends.let her doubt about your feelings and wonder whether you still want her back or not.and once you meet and she see that you are all happy and confident and enjoying your life without her,i think she will second guess about the breakup decision.
cool david, wish you all the best for the meeting. doesn't matter if she said its not gonna work but she misses you.i said the same thing to my ex but i'm really in love with him.i absolutely told him that i don't want him back anymore he became mad and i got my answer that he still cares.that is kind of a girls psychology i guess :D.but i'm sure she has feelings for you and you can change this stage by acting like friends.let her doubt about your feelings and wonder whether you still want her back or not.and once you meet and she see that you are all happy and confident and enjoying your life without her,i think she will second guess about the breakup decision.
cool david, wish you all the best for the meeting. doesn't matter if she said its not gonna work but she misses you.i said the same thing to my ex but i'm really in love with him.i absolutely told him that i don't want him back anymore he became mad and i got my answer that he still cares.that is kind of a girls psychology i guess :D.but i'm sure she has feelings for you and you can change this stage by acting like friends.let her doubt about your feelings and wonder whether you still want her back or not.and once you meet and she see that you are all happy and confident and enjoying your life without her,i think she will second guess about the breakup decision.
Thanks a.z,
I kinda did think about asking her to not bring up the gf thing..but I just replied pretty much as you said here is what I sent
"Oh thanks, you make me sound desperate to find a gf! and that im on some sort of friggin time table! lol
Im not interested in anything like that at moment, I need to sort myself out first ha x"
She replied after that but not in a nasty or cold way, and we ended on a funny note the conversation has ended now, so thats cool.
Im not sure she hopes I say something about the getting back together, as it was only 1-2 days ago she mentioned the "We dont work but I do miss you" thing. and she does know my feelings for her.
We shall see what tonight/tomorrow brings to see what/if she texts me...Tomorrow is Friday when i said I would take her out but I havent mentioned it since...so we shall see if she mentions it or not...then on Saturday she is on about coming out whilst im out with our mutual friends, so im just going to be myself.
Thats my strong point :)....Im very good at been myself and having a reallygood time....very good at communicating socially and face to face..not so good through writing :)
Thanks
Thanks a.z,
I kinda did think about asking her to not bring up the gf thing..but I just replied pretty much as you said here is what I sent
"Oh thanks, you make me sound desperate to find a gf! and that im on some sort of friggin time table! lol
Im not interested in anything like that at moment, I need to sort myself out first ha x"
She replied after that but not in a nasty or cold way, and we ended on a funny note the conversation has ended now, so thats cool.
Im not sure she hopes I say something about the getting back together, as it was only 1-2 days ago she mentioned the "We dont work but I do miss you" thing. and she does know my feelings for her.
We shall see what tonight/tomorrow brings to see what/if she texts me...Tomorrow is Friday when i said I would take her out but I havent mentioned it since...so we shall see if she mentions it or not...then on Saturday she is on about coming out whilst im out with our mutual friends, so im just going to be myself.
Thats my strong point :)....Im very good at been myself and having a reallygood time....very good at communicating socially and face to face..not so good through writing :)
Thanks
Thanks a.z,
I kinda did think about asking her to not bring up the gf thing..but I just replied pretty much as you said here is what I sent
"Oh thanks, you make me sound desperate to find a gf! and that im on some sort of friggin time table! lol
Im not interested in anything like that at moment, I need to sort myself out first ha x"
She replied after that but not in a nasty or cold way, and we ended on a funny note the conversation has ended now, so thats cool.
Im not sure she hopes I say something about the getting back together, as it was only 1-2 days ago she mentioned the "We dont work but I do miss you" thing. and she does know my feelings for her.
We shall see what tonight/tomorrow brings to see what/if she texts me...Tomorrow is Friday when i said I would take her out but I havent mentioned it since...so we shall see if she mentions it or not...then on Saturday she is on about coming out whilst im out with our mutual friends, so im just going to be myself.
Thats my strong point :)....Im very good at been myself and having a reallygood time....very good at communicating socially and face to face..not so good through writing :)
Thanks
i think she is just saying this to see what your answers will be.like if you want to move on or get into a new relationship.or maybe she hopes you say something about getting back together.i kinda did the same things with my exes before.i think you should tell her that you don't need to use a girl to move on and right now you are enjoying your life the way it is and there is no girl in it for now.and about her,tell her that its her life and she has a right to do whatever she thinks is right. then ask her not to talk about the breakup and whatever bad that happened between you in a polite way.then bring up something funny and change the topic.
i think she is just saying this to see what your answers will be.like if you want to move on or get into a new relationship.or maybe she hopes you say something about getting back together.i kinda did the same things with my exes before.i think you should tell her that you don't need to use a girl to move on and right now you are enjoying your life the way it is and there is no girl in it for now.and about her,tell her that its her life and she has a right to do whatever she thinks is right. then ask her not to talk about the breakup and whatever bad that happened between you in a polite way.then bring up something funny and change the topic.
Thank you David! For the reasons you mentioned I believe I have less chances, but I am naturally a positive thinker. I think this helps me most of the time in human-human relations! Good luck again!!
David,
Whenever I read you notes here, I felt that we are dating the same girl! Especially that her ex was someone named David! LOL In fact, my breakup was not out of blue and it was gradual indifference from her! Moreover, I always heard this nasty sentence, "go and find yourself another girlfriend". I kept silent every time because I did not know what to say! In the last days, she went deeper and started making paragraphs like, "there are so many good girls around, why don't you find a new another one. I'm sure they will make you happier than I do". They really made me uncomfortable. My response was usually silence or I would say, "I love you more than anyone else". I think probably I shouldn't have been so direct.
Anyway, I think I am learning things from you and A.Z.'s comments here!! Good luck to both of you!!
Oh and I think she tried to start a drunk conversation with me the other day..she didnt call, but messaged me at 12:30am, sayin "oi" and when i asked why she messagedme, she said "I dunno, just thought of you whilst eating"...turns out she had been on the night
Hey,
Kevin I miss u so much.. its been just two weeks of no contact and my ex asked me out last night.. I don't know whats best to do.. I didn't reply to his mail..
I know kevin is not there.. so please someone help me..
hey dew,
i personally don't know your story,i wish kevin were here so he could help.but i think in the most cases we shouldn't break NC.if you are really feeling bad not to answer his mail,just tell him thanks but i need some space for now.then after 2 weeks you can send him one of the texts. hope i'm not suggesting the wrong thing.
Thanks a.h. :-)
Thanks a.h. :-)
Thanks a.h. :-)
hey dew,
i personally don't know your story,i wish kevin were here so he could help.but i think in the most cases we shouldn't break NC.if you are really feeling bad not to answer his mail,just tell him thanks but i need some space for now.then after 2 weeks you can send him one of the texts. hope i'm not suggesting the wrong thing.
Hi all I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with my ex girlfriend with the texts. If you scroll down you can see the scenario I'm in. I know she still feels something for me but I want to be more than friends. I can't be friends with someone I love so much everyday I think about it and it's killing me inside. I wish I could make her understand what she means to me. It's been about 9 months we been broken off. Please scroll down and see the situation I'm in. Advice needed thank you all for helping me out.
hey musa,
again,don't WORRY about the falsefriendship,your not stuck in the friendzone untill she talks about her feeling for someone else.and even if she does ,there is also a way to get out of that stage.it's been 9 months and you know that she still has feelings for you so why are you so nervous?.this is a great chance for you to get her back.don't show her your feelings please.trust me if she has feelings for you she is not gonna look at you as a casual friend too.the more you try to show her your ok being friends,the more chance you can get to get her back. i am also in the falsefriendship and actually i'm happy about it.i also love him so much so i think it is worth it.i highly recommend you to read ryan river's relationship rewind.
Well I assume she has feelings for me I sense something is still there. We was in a relationship for 4 years feelings don't just got away like that so yeah I'm having a hard time.
if you have been in such a long term relationship and its already 9 months that u broke up and she is not still over you,then you have a chance.you should know that the old relationship is over and from now on everything is new.you should use the positive points you had in your relationship and forget the negative points.you need to reach to a positive mindset.you should be confident on what you are doing.you should be patient and trust yourself,be cool about everything.don't think about the negative things and let go of the fearful what ifs... .your gonna be fine and yes i will send you a sample text but you need to think what to send to be more effective on her. it should be something like: haha i know this is random but the craziest thing just reminded me of you :D :p( smiley face is good here to show her that it is something playful. then she is gonna ask you what is it? and you should think of a moment you had in bliss when something funny or memorable happened.it shouldn't be something romantic or a bout the time that you two were doing something intimate. then you can tell her: remember the time when we went to ( the place ) and we did ( something really funny and interesting that you did together) ? i think she will say yes. then tell her i just saw a photo that reminded me of how much we laughed there,then send her the photo and add a smiley face like your laughing :))))))))))). i myself did it the same way and it really worked.mine was the same dialog and the photo was a couple in cinema that were laughing so bad while everyone around them was silent(awkward right?haha). you should think whether it was funny to her or not,its really important that it is a bliss reminder.and again it shouldn't be romantic at all.and she doesn't have to know that you are doing this to get her back..i think its gonna be more effective after a little of NC so she doesn't see it as a sign that you want her back.if you have acted needy and asked her to get back after the NC, make it clear that you have accepted the friendship over the relationship.then go on NC for a little while and then send her the text.
i think it depends on how much you have been acting needy,and when was the last time that you asked her to get back.have you ever been on NC for a month? and if yes did you ask her to get back or acted needy after NC?.you need to work on yourself and don't be obsessed over her reactions.don't think of the negative things all the time.thinking too much makes the situation harder,it makes the problems more complicated and makes you feel you are in a worse situation than you really are.i don't think if she is using you to get in a new relationship with someone else.why would she do this? was 9 months not enough for her to get over you and move on?but you see that she still has feelings for you.seriously you need to work on yourself and become a happy person who is not worried about every simple word she says or her silence.as long as you are obsessed with her,she can sense it.and you can't follow your plan in an effective way.don't worry if she still feels something for you,even if she starts a new relationship (i'm saying if in the worst case scenario ) ,its most probably a rebound which won't last a long time.but if she was to move on and start a new relationship,i think she would have done that by now.so don't worry about it.work on your self esteem and let her see a new you that is not nervous and needy at all.if you have never been on NC till now tell her you are sorry for acting needy and pushy lately and you have accepted the breakup and you will be glad if you guys could still be friends after some time.then go on NC for a month or 6 weeks and during the time follow what kevin said to do.its not that hard,believe me you need to accept that if you ever want her back you should do it and change something about yourself and get rid of your obsessions and fearful thoughts.don't be scared of the word ' friends' .its for your own good and once she finds that you prefer the friendship over the relationship,she will get closer to you the way you want.you need to handle your feelings.if you don't when you see her you will get more emotional and ruin everything you went through till the time.then you should start it all again which is not what you want.i'm sure you can get over this situation its hard sometimes but hopefully in the end you will get what you want.
Awesome thank you so much I think I done this a few months ago but she just wrote Lool That's it. Let's see the only thing I can think about is the time on the bus when some man sat on a girl by accident lol. So how long do I go no contact for again? Last text I sent was yesterday saying I'm glad it's sorted. Thank you so much you gave me a little bit of hope appreciate it. I just hope she ain't using contact with me while getting with someone else. She's very quiet and strange. Too many games. Would be nice getting your email or of you don't mind regular checking this page as I'm always posting these days.
i think it depends on how much you have been acting needy,and when was the last time that you asked her to get back.have you ever been on NC for a month? and if yes did you ask her to get back or acted needy after NC?.you need to work on yourself and don't be obsessed over her reactions.don't think of the negative things all the time.thinking too much makes the situation harder,it makes the problems more complicated and makes you feel you are in a worse situation than you really are.i don't think if she is using you to get in a new relationship with someone else.why would she do this? was 9 months not enough for her to get over you and move on?but you see that she still has feelings for you.seriously you need to work on yourself and become a happy person who is not worried about every simple word she says or her silence.as long as you are obsessed with her,she can sense it.and you can't follow your plan in an effective way.don't worry if she still feels something for you,even if she starts a new relationship (i'm saying if in the worst case scenario ) ,its most probably a rebound which won't last a long time.but if she was to move on and start a new relationship,i think she would have done that by now.so don't worry about it.work on your self esteem and let her see a new you that is not nervous and needy at all.if you have never been on NC till now tell her you are sorry for acting needy and pushy lately and you have accepted the breakup and you will be glad if you guys could still be friends after some time.then go on NC for a month or 6 weeks and during the time follow what kevin said to do.its not that hard,believe me you need to accept that if you ever want her back you should do it and change something about yourself and get rid of your obsessions and fearful thoughts.don't be scared of the word ' friends' .its for your own good and once she finds that you prefer the friendship over the relationship,she will get closer to you the way you want.you need to handle your feelings.if you don't when you see her you will get more emotional and ruin everything you went through till the time.then you should start it all again which is not what you want.i'm sure you can get over this situation its hard sometimes but hopefully in the end you will get what you want.
Awesome thank you so much I think I done this a few months ago but she just wrote Lool That's it. Let's see the only thing I can think about is the time on the bus when some man sat on a girl by accident lol. So how long do I go no contact for again? Last text I sent was yesterday saying I'm glad it's sorted. Thank you so much you gave me a little bit of hope appreciate it. I just hope she ain't using contact with me while getting with someone else. She's very quiet and strange. Too many games. Would be nice getting your email or of you don't mind regular checking this page as I'm always posting these days.
i think it depends on how much you have been acting needy,and when was the last time that you asked her to get back.have you ever been on NC for a month? and if yes did you ask her to get back or acted needy after NC?.you need to work on yourself and don't be obsessed over her reactions.don't think of the negative things all the time.thinking too much makes the situation harder,it makes the problems more complicated and makes you feel you are in a worse situation than you really are.i don't think if she is using you to get in a new relationship with someone else.why would she do this? was 9 months not enough for her to get over you and move on?but you see that she still has feelings for you.seriously you need to work on yourself and become a happy person who is not worried about every simple word she says or her silence.as long as you are obsessed with her,she can sense it.and you can't follow your plan in an effective way.don't worry if she still feels something for you,even if she starts a new relationship (i'm saying if in the worst case scenario ) ,its most probably a rebound which won't last a long time.but if she was to move on and start a new relationship,i think she would have done that by now.so don't worry about it.work on your self esteem and let her see a new you that is not nervous and needy at all.if you have never been on NC till now tell her you are sorry for acting needy and pushy lately and you have accepted the breakup and you will be glad if you guys could still be friends after some time.then go on NC for a month or 6 weeks and during the time follow what kevin said to do.its not that hard,believe me you need to accept that if you ever want her back you should do it and change something about yourself and get rid of your obsessions and fearful thoughts.don't be scared of the word ' friends' .its for your own good and once she finds that you prefer the friendship over the relationship,she will get closer to you the way you want.you need to handle your feelings.if you don't when you see her you will get more emotional and ruin everything you went through till the time.then you should start it all again which is not what you want.i'm sure you can get over this situation its hard sometimes but hopefully in the end you will get what you want.
Awesome thank you so much I think I done this a few months ago but she just wrote Lool That's it. Let's see the only thing I can think about is the time on the bus when some man sat on a girl by accident lol. So how long do I go no contact for again? Last text I sent was yesterday saying I'm glad it's sorted. Thank you so much you gave me a little bit of hope appreciate it. I just hope she ain't using contact with me while getting with someone else. She's very quiet and strange. Too many games. Would be nice getting your email or of you don't mind regular checking this page as I'm always posting these days.
i think it depends on how much you have been acting needy,and when was the last time that you asked her to get back.have you ever been on NC for a month? and if yes did you ask her to get back or acted needy after NC?.you need to work on yourself and don't be obsessed over her reactions.don't think of the negative things all the time.thinking too much makes the situation harder,it makes the problems more complicated and makes you feel you are in a worse situation than you really are.i don't think if she is using you to get in a new relationship with someone else.why would she do this? was 9 months not enough for her to get over you and move on?but you see that she still has feelings for you.seriously you need to work on yourself and become a happy person who is not worried about every simple word she says or her silence.as long as you are obsessed with her,she can sense it.and you can't follow your plan in an effective way.don't worry if she still feels something for you,even if she starts a new relationship (i'm saying if in the worst case scenario ) ,its most probably a rebound which won't last a long time.but if she was to move on and start a new relationship,i think she would have done that by now.so don't worry about it.work on your self esteem and let her see a new you that is not nervous and needy at all.if you have never been on NC till now tell her you are sorry for acting needy and pushy lately and you have accepted the breakup and you will be glad if you guys could still be friends after some time.then go on NC for a month or 6 weeks and during the time follow what kevin said to do.its not that hard,believe me you need to accept that if you ever want her back you should do it and change something about yourself and get rid of your obsessions and fearful thoughts.don't be scared of the word ' friends' .its for your own good and once she finds that you prefer the friendship over the relationship,she will get closer to you the way you want.you need to handle your feelings.if you don't when you see her you will get more emotional and ruin everything you went through till the time.then you should start it all again which is not what you want.i'm sure you can get over this situation its hard sometimes but hopefully in the end you will get what you want.
Awesome thank you so much I think I done this a few months ago but she just wrote Lool That's it. Let's see the only thing I can think about is the time on the bus when some man sat on a girl by accident lol. So how long do I go no contact for again? Last text I sent was yesterday saying I'm glad it's sorted. Thank you so much you gave me a little bit of hope appreciate it. I just hope she ain't using contact with me while getting with someone else. She's very quiet and strange. Too many games. Would be nice getting your email or of you don't mind regular checking this page as I'm always posting these days.
i think it depends on how much you have been acting needy,and when was the last time that you asked her to get back.have you ever been on NC for a month? and if yes did you ask her to get back or acted needy after NC?.you need to work on yourself and don't be obsessed over her reactions.don't think of the negative things all the time.thinking too much makes the situation harder,it makes the problems more complicated and makes you feel you are in a worse situation than you really are.i don't think if she is using you to get in a new relationship with someone else.why would she do this? was 9 months not enough for her to get over you and move on?but you see that she still has feelings for you.seriously you need to work on yourself and become a happy person who is not worried about every simple word she says or her silence.as long as you are obsessed with her,she can sense it.and you can't follow your plan in an effective way.don't worry if she still feels something for you,even if she starts a new relationship (i'm saying if in the worst case scenario ) ,its most probably a rebound which won't last a long time.but if she was to move on and start a new relationship,i think she would have done that by now.so don't worry about it.work on your self esteem and let her see a new you that is not nervous and needy at all.if you have never been on NC till now tell her you are sorry for acting needy and pushy lately and you have accepted the breakup and you will be glad if you guys could still be friends after some time.then go on NC for a month or 6 weeks and during the time follow what kevin said to do.its not that hard,believe me you need to accept that if you ever want her back you should do it and change something about yourself and get rid of your obsessions and fearful thoughts.don't be scared of the word ' friends' .its for your own good and once she finds that you prefer the friendship over the relationship,she will get closer to you the way you want.you need to handle your feelings.if you don't when you see her you will get more emotional and ruin everything you went through till the time.then you should start it all again which is not what you want.i'm sure you can get over this situation its hard sometimes but hopefully in the end you will get what you want.
Awesome thank you so much I think I done this a few months ago but she just wrote Lool That's it. Let's see the only thing I can think about is the time on the bus when some man sat on a girl by accident lol. So how long do I go no contact for again? Last text I sent was yesterday saying I'm glad it's sorted. Thank you so much you gave me a little bit of hope appreciate it. I just hope she ain't using contact with me while getting with someone else. She's very quiet and strange. Too many games. Would be nice getting your email or of you don't mind regular checking this page as I'm always posting these days.
if you have been in such a long term relationship and its already 9 months that u broke up and she is not still over you,then you have a chance.you should know that the old relationship is over and from now on everything is new.you should use the positive points you had in your relationship and forget the negative points.you need to reach to a positive mindset.you should be confident on what you are doing.you should be patient and trust yourself,be cool about everything.don't think about the negative things and let go of the fearful what ifs... .your gonna be fine and yes i will send you a sample text but you need to think what to send to be more effective on her. it should be something like: haha i know this is random but the craziest thing just reminded me of you :D :p( smiley face is good here to show her that it is something playful. then she is gonna ask you what is it? and you should think of a moment you had in bliss when something funny or memorable happened.it shouldn't be something romantic or a bout the time that you two were doing something intimate. then you can tell her: remember the time when we went to ( the place ) and we did ( something really funny and interesting that you did together) ? i think she will say yes. then tell her i just saw a photo that reminded me of how much we laughed there,then send her the photo and add a smiley face like your laughing :))))))))))). i myself did it the same way and it really worked.mine was the same dialog and the photo was a couple in cinema that were laughing so bad while everyone around them was silent(awkward right?haha). you should think whether it was funny to her or not,its really important that it is a bliss reminder.and again it shouldn't be romantic at all.and she doesn't have to know that you are doing this to get her back..i think its gonna be more effective after a little of NC so she doesn't see it as a sign that you want her back.if you have acted needy and asked her to get back after the NC, make it clear that you have accepted the friendship over the relationship.then go on NC for a little while and then send her the text.
if you have been in such a long term relationship and its already 9 months that u broke up and she is not still over you,then you have a chance.you should know that the old relationship is over and from now on everything is new.you should use the positive points you had in your relationship and forget the negative points.you need to reach to a positive mindset.you should be confident on what you are doing.you should be patient and trust yourself,be cool about everything.don't think about the negative things and let go of the fearful what ifs... .your gonna be fine and yes i will send you a sample text but you need to think what to send to be more effective on her. it should be something like: haha i know this is random but the craziest thing just reminded me of you :D :p( smiley face is good here to show her that it is something playful. then she is gonna ask you what is it? and you should think of a moment you had in bliss when something funny or memorable happened.it shouldn't be something romantic or a bout the time that you two were doing something intimate. then you can tell her: remember the time when we went to ( the place ) and we did ( something really funny and interesting that you did together) ? i think she will say yes. then tell her i just saw a photo that reminded me of how much we laughed there,then send her the photo and add a smiley face like your laughing :))))))))))). i myself did it the same way and it really worked.mine was the same dialog and the photo was a couple in cinema that were laughing so bad while everyone around them was silent(awkward right?haha). you should think whether it was funny to her or not,its really important that it is a bliss reminder.and again it shouldn't be romantic at all.and she doesn't have to know that you are doing this to get her back..i think its gonna be more effective after a little of NC so she doesn't see it as a sign that you want her back.if you have acted needy and asked her to get back after the NC, make it clear that you have accepted the friendship over the relationship.then go on NC for a little while and then send her the text.
if you have been in such a long term relationship and its already 9 months that u broke up and she is not still over you,then you have a chance.you should know that the old relationship is over and from now on everything is new.you should use the positive points you had in your relationship and forget the negative points.you need to reach to a positive mindset.you should be confident on what you are doing.you should be patient and trust yourself,be cool about everything.don't think about the negative things and let go of the fearful what ifs... .your gonna be fine and yes i will send you a sample text but you need to think what to send to be more effective on her. it should be something like: haha i know this is random but the craziest thing just reminded me of you :D :p( smiley face is good here to show her that it is something playful. then she is gonna ask you what is it? and you should think of a moment you had in bliss when something funny or memorable happened.it shouldn't be something romantic or a bout the time that you two were doing something intimate. then you can tell her: remember the time when we went to ( the place ) and we did ( something really funny and interesting that you did together) ? i think she will say yes. then tell her i just saw a photo that reminded me of how much we laughed there,then send her the photo and add a smiley face like your laughing :))))))))))). i myself did it the same way and it really worked.mine was the same dialog and the photo was a couple in cinema that were laughing so bad while everyone around them was silent(awkward right?haha). you should think whether it was funny to her or not,its really important that it is a bliss reminder.and again it shouldn't be romantic at all.and she doesn't have to know that you are doing this to get her back..i think its gonna be more effective after a little of NC so she doesn't see it as a sign that you want her back.if you have acted needy and asked her to get back after the NC, make it clear that you have accepted the friendship over the relationship.then go on NC for a little while and then send her the text.
Thank you so much you are really helpful I will read it when I get the chance. I just hope she ain't talking to me just to get with someone else if that makes sense. Either way I will keep you posted in a few days if she doesn't text me I'm thinking to write her a text but looking at the samples I have no idea what I'm going to send her. I'm just confused zoned out my mind is wandering in space. Once again thank you A.Z a sample text from you would be great just can't think of anything at the moment.
Well I assume she has feelings for me I sense something is still there. We was in a relationship for 4 years feelings don't just got away like that so yeah I'm having a hard time.
Thank you so much you are really helpful I will read it when I get the chance. I just hope she ain't talking to me just to get with someone else if that makes sense. Either way I will keep you posted in a few days if she doesn't text me I'm thinking to write her a text but looking at the samples I have no idea what I'm going to send her. I'm just confused zoned out my mind is wandering in space. Once again thank you A.Z a sample text from you would be great just can't think of anything at the moment.
Well I assume she has feelings for me I sense something is still there. We was in a relationship for 4 years feelings don't just got away like that so yeah I'm having a hard time.
Thank you so much you are really helpful I will read it when I get the chance. I just hope she ain't talking to me just to get with someone else if that makes sense. Either way I will keep you posted in a few days if she doesn't text me I'm thinking to write her a text but looking at the samples I have no idea what I'm going to send her. I'm just confused zoned out my mind is wandering in space. Once again thank you A.Z a sample text from you would be great just can't think of anything at the moment.
hey musa,
again,don't WORRY about the falsefriendship,your not stuck in the friendzone untill she talks about her feeling for someone else.and even if she does ,there is also a way to get out of that stage.it's been 9 months and you know that she still has feelings for you so why are you so nervous?.this is a great chance for you to get her back.don't show her your feelings please.trust me if she has feelings for you she is not gonna look at you as a casual friend too.the more you try to show her your ok being friends,the more chance you can get to get her back. i am also in the falsefriendship and actually i'm happy about it.i also love him so much so i think it is worth it.i highly recommend you to read ryan river's relationship rewind.
Kevin i hope you read this when you get back,
Im proud to say that i am finally moving on. I guess the hope ive been holdin on to all this time is whats keeping me from moving on. I read that there is a special guy that makes her smile.
I sent her a goodbye text coz i just want to let it off my chest. And fate really plays its tricks on you. After all my text attempts that she didn't replied to before. She replied to my goodbye message. She said "thank you! :)"
I didnt reply ofcourse but it felt like the validation i was searching for from her so i can finally move on. But it also gave me another hope that we can reconnect again in the future. This is what i sent her. I dont really care anymore. I just want the pain to end.
"Hi jem. I hope you find who you really are and be what you wanted to be like you always wanted to. I hope you find what you are looking for in this lifetime. Be free from people who dictates and mandates what to do with your life. You're still young. Catch your dreams. Be free like you always wanted to be. I know that being a dentist is not your only thing hat you want. So go and experience the world. I forgot that it was also what i wanted. :)
I hope in the future i can once again be a part of your life. When you finally found yourself. When you are ready tot alk to me again. As of now it doesnt seem possible. Dont worry i wont force a relationship on you ever again. Yes, i still have feelings for you i would be lying if i said otherwise. Unfortunately it wont vanish easily as much as i wanted it to be but i don't let it get the best of me anymore. I also wanted to say sorry again just to clear my heart. Im sorry for taking you for granted. Im sorry your first relationship didn't go the way you wanted it. Im sorry i did not become someone you need. Thankyou for the hard lessons. You made me realize my mistakes. I promise to treat women better. I'll just make it up to mu next girlfriend. Thanks to you she will be lucky to have me ;)
You gave me a wake up call. I've taken action to change my life for the better. Just so you know im not in DLSUD anymore. Im in a place that i know i will be happy. :)
Maybe someday we can talk again. casual talking like friends would be great. Im looking forward to the day i can get back in your life. You were important. I cared for you so much so i let you go i dont want to be a hindrance to your life, i dont want to hinder your growth. Goodbye. Maybe someday we get another chance. Until then i won't lose hope."
What do you think guys?
How long did she wait before she started this new relationship? If she moved on quickly then I think this "good bye" message was pretty pity. You make her feel like she is control of you and can always fall back on you if it wouldn't work out with this guy. I think you should read Kevin's text again. You need to improve yourself again, let her feel that she lost you. If you manage the gain her respect again by improving yourself you will have far more chance of reuniting and securing a long term relationship in the future. You don't gain this respect by using pity, needy, insecurity and other emotions. As you said you learned a lot from this relationship and your next relationship will be more mature than your first. On the other hand if she waited a long time before entering a new relationship its more likely not to be a rebound. And it wouldn't matter how much you love her, love is a potion that comes from two. If she doesn't see you as a worthy partner, then there is no point wasting your time about thinking what the future can bring for you two.
Niels,
She isnt in a relationship yet. I think there is just someone making a move and she is attracted to him. Its been 3mos since our breakup. You know what, she knows im strong. My situation is kinda different so i cant follow the textbook here. Part of the reason we broke up was she felt less important. By making her feel that she has value to me is a good point. Another thing. Im not waiting for her or i dont want her to fall back to me. As you can read i want to reconnect as a friend. and after sending this i made a strong move by unfriending her on facebook. Besides this is goodbye. I have a lot more to experience. Getting back with her is not my first option anymore. I'll just let fate decide. If we meet again then there is a reason for it. As she once said" lets not force it, lets just make it happen" she needed to breakup with me because she needs to grow. And now i understand that reason. She felt unloved and unprioritized by me thats why she decided its not worth ut anymore. Its better to breakup and grow that to stick and get get hurt. I know my mistakes. I just wish i did not make them on her. Anyway life goes on.
Daniel,
My situation is somewhat like yours and I understand you. I had also taken her for granted in the first 5 months of our relationship. This is the hardest situation because you don't know if need to prove that you love her or show no affection. But if I want to write a goodbye letter, I'll write like you!
Thanks Daniel!! I am jolly and fun loving! I will never repeat those mistakes again!! :)
Goodluck dara! Remember not to weak. You can show your love but not too desperate.
Wish you the best. :)
Thanks Daniel!! I am jolly and fun loving! I will never repeat those mistakes again!! :)
Goodluck dara! Remember not to weak. You can show your love but not too desperate.
Wish you the best. :)
Thanks Daniel!! I am jolly and fun loving! I will never repeat those mistakes again!! :)
Goodluck dara! Remember not to weak. You can show your love but not too desperate.
Wish you the best. :)
Thanks Daniel!! I am jolly and fun loving! I will never repeat those mistakes again!! :)
Goodluck dara! Remember not to weak. You can show your love but not too desperate.
Wish you the best. :)
Thanks Daniel!! I am jolly and fun loving! I will never repeat those mistakes again!! :)
Goodluck dara! Remember not to weak. You can show your love but not too desperate.
Wish you the best. :)
Daniel,
My situation is somewhat like yours and I understand you. I had also taken her for granted in the first 5 months of our relationship. This is the hardest situation because you don't know if need to prove that you love her or show no affection. But if I want to write a goodbye letter, I'll write like you!
Daniel,
My situation is somewhat like yours and I understand you. I had also taken her for granted in the first 5 months of our relationship. This is the hardest situation because you don't know if need to prove that you love her or show no affection. But if I want to write a goodbye letter, I'll write like you!
Daniel,
My situation is somewhat like yours and I understand you. I had also taken her for granted in the first 5 months of our relationship. This is the hardest situation because you don't know if need to prove that you love her or show no affection. But if I want to write a goodbye letter, I'll write like you!
Niels,
She isnt in a relationship yet. I think there is just someone making a move and she is attracted to him. Its been 3mos since our breakup. You know what, she knows im strong. My situation is kinda different so i cant follow the textbook here. Part of the reason we broke up was she felt less important. By making her feel that she has value to me is a good point. Another thing. Im not waiting for her or i dont want her to fall back to me. As you can read i want to reconnect as a friend. and after sending this i made a strong move by unfriending her on facebook. Besides this is goodbye. I have a lot more to experience. Getting back with her is not my first option anymore. I'll just let fate decide. If we meet again then there is a reason for it. As she once said" lets not force it, lets just make it happen" she needed to breakup with me because she needs to grow. And now i understand that reason. She felt unloved and unprioritized by me thats why she decided its not worth ut anymore. Its better to breakup and grow that to stick and get get hurt. I know my mistakes. I just wish i did not make them on her. Anyway life goes on.
Niels,
She isnt in a relationship yet. I think there is just someone making a move and she is attracted to him. Its been 3mos since our breakup. You know what, she knows im strong. My situation is kinda different so i cant follow the textbook here. Part of the reason we broke up was she felt less important. By making her feel that she has value to me is a good point. Another thing. Im not waiting for her or i dont want her to fall back to me. As you can read i want to reconnect as a friend. and after sending this i made a strong move by unfriending her on facebook. Besides this is goodbye. I have a lot more to experience. Getting back with her is not my first option anymore. I'll just let fate decide. If we meet again then there is a reason for it. As she once said" lets not force it, lets just make it happen" she needed to breakup with me because she needs to grow. And now i understand that reason. She felt unloved and unprioritized by me thats why she decided its not worth ut anymore. Its better to breakup and grow that to stick and get get hurt. I know my mistakes. I just wish i did not make them on her. Anyway life goes on.
I especially like the second part of the letter, it finished strong and hopeful... there's a sense of poignancy but it's beautiful, well done!
Thanks rihanna. Actually i did not care anymore if it would look week. I just wanted to release all the emotion and whats left to say to her. And then move on. Thanks for appreciating. I wish you luck! All i can say is be strong. :)
well done daniel,wish u all the best!!!
well done daniel,wish u all the best!!!
well done daniel,wish u all the best!!!
well done daniel,wish u all the best!!!
That's the best decision!! I agree with that!! We'll be missing you here! LOL
Dont worry man. Im here till you all finish your repsective challenges. We started together. Im here to the end giving comfort. Im just busy this week coz im transferingning in another school and hopefully another place. :)
Dont worry man. Im here till you all finish your repsective challenges. We started together. Im here to the end giving comfort. Im just busy this week coz im transferingning in another school and hopefully another place. :)
Dont worry man. Im here till you all finish your repsective challenges. We started together. Im here to the end giving comfort. Im just busy this week coz im transferingning in another school and hopefully another place. :)
Dont worry man. Im here till you all finish your repsective challenges. We started together. Im here to the end giving comfort. Im just busy this week coz im transferingning in another school and hopefully another place. :)
Thanks rihanna. Actually i did not care anymore if it would look week. I just wanted to release all the emotion and whats left to say to her. And then move on. Thanks for appreciating. I wish you luck! All i can say is be strong. :)
That's the best decision!! I agree with that!! We'll be missing you here! LOL
Thanks rihanna. Actually i did not care anymore if it would look week. I just wanted to release all the emotion and whats left to say to her. And then move on. Thanks for appreciating. I wish you luck! All i can say is be strong. :)
That's the best decision!! I agree with that!! We'll be missing you here! LOL
Sorry jumping in Daniel. This email is close to perfect! I believe this is what is expected to be there in that hand written letter!! The fact that she broke the silence is a great achievement!! You are almost there in the friend-zone. I tend to assume that there are still chances for you! But really can't conclude. Anyway, you made me hope that one day I can somehow get a two-word response from her. Thanks!!
thabks dara! But i guess i gotta start a long nc around 3-6mos.
Daniel, I'm afraid one day you will regret wasting 3-6 months. However, I am not sure what would I do if I don't get any response after 90 days.
Look dara. Im not gonna wait for her. Ill just attempt contacr. Manu things can happen im about to make a drastic change in my life. New career. New place. New people. New environment. As you can see. I want to move on. But stillw ant to attempt contact after a long time. My case i guess cant be solved in such a short time.
Look dara. Im not gonna wait for her. Ill just attempt contacr. Manu things can happen im about to make a drastic change in my life. New career. New place. New people. New environment. As you can see. I want to move on. But stillw ant to attempt contact after a long time. My case i guess cant be solved in such a short time.
Look dara. Im not gonna wait for her. Ill just attempt contacr. Manu things can happen im about to make a drastic change in my life. New career. New place. New people. New environment. As you can see. I want to move on. But stillw ant to attempt contact after a long time. My case i guess cant be solved in such a short time.
Look dara. Im not gonna wait for her. Ill just attempt contacr. Manu things can happen im about to make a drastic change in my life. New career. New place. New people. New environment. As you can see. I want to move on. But stillw ant to attempt contact after a long time. My case i guess cant be solved in such a short time.
Look dara. Im not gonna wait for her. Ill just attempt contacr. Manu things can happen im about to make a drastic change in my life. New career. New place. New people. New environment. As you can see. I want to move on. But stillw ant to attempt contact after a long time. My case i guess cant be solved in such a short time.
Daniel, I'm afraid one day you will regret wasting 3-6 months. However, I am not sure what would I do if I don't get any response after 90 days.
Daniel, I'm afraid one day you will regret wasting 3-6 months. However, I am not sure what would I do if I don't get any response after 90 days.
Daniel, I'm afraid one day you will regret wasting 3-6 months. However, I am not sure what would I do if I don't get any response after 90 days.
thabks dara! But i guess i gotta start a long nc around 3-6mos.
thabks dara! But i guess i gotta start a long nc around 3-6mos.
How long did she wait before she started this new relationship? If she moved on quickly then I think this "good bye" message was pretty pity. You make her feel like she is control of you and can always fall back on you if it wouldn't work out with this guy. I think you should read Kevin's text again. You need to improve yourself again, let her feel that she lost you. If you manage the gain her respect again by improving yourself you will have far more chance of reuniting and securing a long term relationship in the future. You don't gain this respect by using pity, needy, insecurity and other emotions. As you said you learned a lot from this relationship and your next relationship will be more mature than your first. On the other hand if she waited a long time before entering a new relationship its more likely not to be a rebound. And it wouldn't matter how much you love her, love is a potion that comes from two. If she doesn't see you as a worthy partner, then there is no point wasting your time about thinking what the future can bring for you two.
I especially like the second part of the letter, it finished strong and hopeful... there's a sense of poignancy but it's beautiful, well done!
Sorry jumping in Daniel. This email is close to perfect! I believe this is what is expected to be there in that hand written letter!! The fact that she broke the silence is a great achievement!! You are almost there in the friend-zone. I tend to assume that there are still chances for you! But really can't conclude. Anyway, you made me hope that one day I can somehow get a two-word response from her. Thanks!!
Hi everyone! Today I feel 'blah' and my mind is telling me to move on though I do miss him still. I'm not even sure I can bring myself to initiate contact with him anymore, even the thought of contacting him feels awkward. I'm 28 days into NC. I'm hoping for him to contact me first but in a month time or so if he doesn't then I'll send him the goodbye letter, more for my sake than his :)
Hey Rihanna,
If you had done NC for 28 days and still miss him, I don't see why not sending him a text like the one in Kevin's guide. Hopefully by now you are in a clear mind and should know whether you have changed during your time of NC. If you feel like you've positively changed, then I'd say go ahead and give it a shot to ask him to hangout, good luck!
Rihanna,
Thants good. Im happy to hear that you are finally starting considering moving ob. :)
Hey Rihanna,
If you had done NC for 28 days and still miss him, I don't see why not sending him a text like the one in Kevin's guide. Hopefully by now you are in a clear mind and should know whether you have changed during your time of NC. If you feel like you've positively changed, then I'd say go ahead and give it a shot to ask him to hangout, good luck!
Rihanna,
Thants good. Im happy to hear that you are finally starting considering moving ob. :)
Hi all hope everyone is ok this is a reply to A.z. I was in no contact for about 26 days with her until her birthday came up a few days ago asked her how she was doing then didn't reply telling her how I was doing just texted her I am glad its sorted and left it like that. If you scroll down you can see all my posts and try look into my life story. last time I was needy clingy maybe just over a month or so? I definitely know I had a argument with her a month and a half ago and went no contact. The question is shall I just start no contact again fresh for a month or so? The month of Ramadan is coming and its really difficult to work things around but like someone said no need to rush into anything. I just have a lot going on in my mind at the moment and its draining me out.
no contact is effective I understand that but what if I overdo no contact is there such thing? The question I am asking is how long do I do no contact again last time I was clingy or had a argument with her was over a month...
I guess another month of NC would be good especially cos you acted clingy and had an argument with her, 26 days of NC is good but would be better (I think and I hope I'm not wrong) if you could extend it another month, this way it would further distance her memory from your neediness and the argument. Perhaps, when the fasting for Ramadan is over you could send her the first text, it would heighten the celebration for you both during this feast and would remind her that you two have a beautiful thing in common. Perhaps you could surprise her with something new that you're doing for the Eid that she wouldn't expect from you, eg: cooking something challenging that she loves or making something that you two once ate together at a date etc... and made an impression on her etc... This way she'll remember a special date you both shared, she'll see a new version of you that she hasn't known yet (but hopefully would like to know) and regardless whether she's keen on getting back with you or not at this stage, I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you after a long time and at a special time too... It would be perfect timing I guess... that's just my opinion and Good luck! xx
Im thinking of sending a text after Ramadan on EID day but I have no clue what I want to say or how shall I write it. I feel as though I am losing time and more distance is going to mess things up. I feel confusion, thinking to send her a text saying Happy Eid Guess what colour I am wearing today :P (purple) We both love Purple...
i think rihanna is right,but this time you need to prove that you have changed and don't appear needy again.i'm sure you can make it.
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
Im thinking of sending a text after Ramadan on EID day but I have no clue what I want to say or how shall I write it. I feel as though I am losing time and more distance is going to mess things up. I feel confusion, thinking to send her a text saying Happy Eid Guess what colour I am wearing today :P (purple) We both love Purple...
i think rihanna is right,but this time you need to prove that you have changed and don't appear needy again.i'm sure you can make it.
Im thinking of sending a text after Ramadan on EID day but I have no clue what I want to say or how shall I write it. I feel as though I am losing time and more distance is going to mess things up. I feel confusion, thinking to send her a text saying Happy Eid Guess what colour I am wearing today :P (purple) We both love Purple...
i think rihanna is right,but this time you need to prove that you have changed and don't appear needy again.i'm sure you can make it.
I guess another month of NC would be good especially cos you acted clingy and had an argument with her, 26 days of NC is good but would be better (I think and I hope I'm not wrong) if you could extend it another month, this way it would further distance her memory from your neediness and the argument. Perhaps, when the fasting for Ramadan is over you could send her the first text, it would heighten the celebration for you both during this feast and would remind her that you two have a beautiful thing in common. Perhaps you could surprise her with something new that you're doing for the Eid that she wouldn't expect from you, eg: cooking something challenging that she loves or making something that you two once ate together at a date etc... and made an impression on her etc... This way she'll remember a special date you both shared, she'll see a new version of you that she hasn't known yet (but hopefully would like to know) and regardless whether she's keen on getting back with you or not at this stage, I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you after a long time and at a special time too... It would be perfect timing I guess... that's just my opinion and Good luck! xx
Hi all,
Hope you can shed some light on this please. Ok so here goes.
I was in same gender relationship with a girl, it lasted 6 weeks. As soon as we got chatting/meeting up we both relaised that we had a strong connection and feelings started to grow quite quickly. We both said we never felt like this before so soon and also both had the attraction.
The only thing was this girl had 3 serious relationships with guys in the past, but she said she always knew that she was gay. Anyway as the weeks went on the feelings grow more, and she actually came out to her friends and family, as she said no one makes her happy as much as I do. I am already out to everyone. Before she came out she was a little hot/cold as she didn't like lying to people. After she came out the feeling was fantastic I was so happy, but then she went to being cold again (I think this is her personailty being hot/cold) as she has a very stresseful job and alot going on in her life at the moment. I kinda messed it up as I said I can not deal with you being cold, so if thats how your going to be then we best call it a day. and she did it is now over. This was a week ago. I made even further mistakes by sending a card to her work to say sorry, and messaging her on the dating website we met on (as I delted her number so I didn't make the mistake of harrassing her) she called me on Sunday to say, stop contacting me your making me ill, your not the only one who is upset and hurt by this, but we are not right for each other, I scare her, it was unproffesional contacting her at work by sending the card, she will not change my mind, and now she has blocked my number. I have not made any contact since, but we both admitted we had strong feelings for each other when we were in a relationship and how happy we wee she even came out for me, do you think she be back or that is it now?
hey lou,
i think you need to follow the plan and since she has blocked your number,i think it would be better to continue NC for 2 months.do what kevin said during NC.i'm sure your gonna feel better.
So you don't feel there is any chance of her coming back, I know it was only for 6 weeks, but we both fell in love
Lou,
I'm sorry but I recommend you to move on. 6 weeks is too short to build relationships. Considering that she had 3 boyfriends, make me believe that she only wanted to make sure if she is a gay or not.
doesn't matter she is gonna check your FB profile anyway.its ok,she knows you can find a way to contact her if you want.like you posted a card to his work.
But we are not fb friends and she knows i cant contacr her cos she has blocked me so she wont be woundering why im.not contacting her
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
dara,
I think moving on is the best choice for all of us.but he just broke up and i think he has a chance.
doesn't matter she is gonna check your FB profile anyway.its ok,she knows you can find a way to contact her if you want.like you posted a card to his work.
But we are not fb friends and she knows i cant contacr her cos she has blocked me so she wont be woundering why im.not contacting her
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
dara,
I think moving on is the best choice for all of us.but he just broke up and i think he has a chance.
doesn't matter she is gonna check your FB profile anyway.its ok,she knows you can find a way to contact her if you want.like you posted a card to his work.
But we are not fb friends and she knows i cant contacr her cos she has blocked me so she wont be woundering why im.not contacting her
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
dara,
I think moving on is the best choice for all of us.but he just broke up and i think he has a chance.
doesn't matter she is gonna check your FB profile anyway.its ok,she knows you can find a way to contact her if you want.like you posted a card to his work.
But we are not fb friends and she knows i cant contacr her cos she has blocked me so she wont be woundering why im.not contacting her
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
dara,
I think moving on is the best choice for all of us.but he just broke up and i think he has a chance.
doesn't matter she is gonna check your FB profile anyway.its ok,she knows you can find a way to contact her if you want.like you posted a card to his work.
But we are not fb friends and she knows i cant contacr her cos she has blocked me so she wont be woundering why im.not contacting her
I think you are right A.Z. Lou needs to think about it really hard! Maybe for two months.
dara,
I think moving on is the best choice for all of us.but he just broke up and i think he has a chance.
of course there is a chance.yes 6 weeks was not that long but if you believe that there was a deep connection so its ok.i remember i fell in love with my ex during the first week. i suggested 2 month because you acted kinda needy and made her block you.and again that's ok .my ex once got too mad at me and blocked me i went on NC again and he unblocked me again.see? there is nothing impossible.i said 2 months because i'm sure first of all you are gonna be happy again by then,you will reach the control over your emotions so your plan is gonna be more effective.and during NC she is gonna be wondering what happened to you and why aren't you still chasing her.so all the neediness visions that she has for you will disappear and she wonders if you still feel something for her or not.since it has been only a week that you broke up,NC is way more effective.don't show any negative emotions.change your profile pic on Fb and upload photos that shows your having a good time without her in your life.share interesting pics and videos.there is a chance that she contacts you even less than a month.if she does,don't respond until the 30 days is over.if she doesn't wait another month then go on and contact her.also sign up for kevin's email series,it's wonderful.
Lou,
I'm sorry but I recommend you to move on. 6 weeks is too short to build relationships. Considering that she had 3 boyfriends, make me believe that she only wanted to make sure if she is a gay or not.
of course there is a chance.yes 6 weeks was not that long but if you believe that there was a deep connection so its ok.i remember i fell in love with my ex during the first week. i suggested 2 month because you acted kinda needy and made her block you.and again that's ok .my ex once got too mad at me and blocked me i went on NC again and he unblocked me again.see? there is nothing impossible.i said 2 months because i'm sure first of all you are gonna be happy again by then,you will reach the control over your emotions so your plan is gonna be more effective.and during NC she is gonna be wondering what happened to you and why aren't you still chasing her.so all the neediness visions that she has for you will disappear and she wonders if you still feel something for her or not.since it has been only a week that you broke up,NC is way more effective.don't show any negative emotions.change your profile pic on Fb and upload photos that shows your having a good time without her in your life.share interesting pics and videos.there is a chance that she contacts you even less than a month.if she does,don't respond until the 30 days is over.if she doesn't wait another month then go on and contact her.also sign up for kevin's email series,it's wonderful.
Lou,
I'm sorry but I recommend you to move on. 6 weeks is too short to build relationships. Considering that she had 3 boyfriends, make me believe that she only wanted to make sure if she is a gay or not.
of course there is a chance.yes 6 weeks was not that long but if you believe that there was a deep connection so its ok.i remember i fell in love with my ex during the first week. i suggested 2 month because you acted kinda needy and made her block you.and again that's ok .my ex once got too mad at me and blocked me i went on NC again and he unblocked me again.see? there is nothing impossible.i said 2 months because i'm sure first of all you are gonna be happy again by then,you will reach the control over your emotions so your plan is gonna be more effective.and during NC she is gonna be wondering what happened to you and why aren't you still chasing her.so all the neediness visions that she has for you will disappear and she wonders if you still feel something for her or not.since it has been only a week that you broke up,NC is way more effective.don't show any negative emotions.change your profile pic on Fb and upload photos that shows your having a good time without her in your life.share interesting pics and videos.there is a chance that she contacts you even less than a month.if she does,don't respond until the 30 days is over.if she doesn't wait another month then go on and contact her.also sign up for kevin's email series,it's wonderful.
Lou,
I'm sorry but I recommend you to move on. 6 weeks is too short to build relationships. Considering that she had 3 boyfriends, make me believe that she only wanted to make sure if she is a gay or not.
of course there is a chance.yes 6 weeks was not that long but if you believe that there was a deep connection so its ok.i remember i fell in love with my ex during the first week. i suggested 2 month because you acted kinda needy and made her block you.and again that's ok .my ex once got too mad at me and blocked me i went on NC again and he unblocked me again.see? there is nothing impossible.i said 2 months because i'm sure first of all you are gonna be happy again by then,you will reach the control over your emotions so your plan is gonna be more effective.and during NC she is gonna be wondering what happened to you and why aren't you still chasing her.so all the neediness visions that she has for you will disappear and she wonders if you still feel something for her or not.since it has been only a week that you broke up,NC is way more effective.don't show any negative emotions.change your profile pic on Fb and upload photos that shows your having a good time without her in your life.share interesting pics and videos.there is a chance that she contacts you even less than a month.if she does,don't respond until the 30 days is over.if she doesn't wait another month then go on and contact her.also sign up for kevin's email series,it's wonderful.
So you don't feel there is any chance of her coming back, I know it was only for 6 weeks, but we both fell in love
So you don't feel there is any chance of her coming back, I know it was only for 6 weeks, but we both fell in love
hey lou,
i think you need to follow the plan and since she has blocked your number,i think it would be better to continue NC for 2 months.do what kevin said during NC.i'm sure your gonna feel better.
Hi all,
Just a quick question/update... so after talking with my ex normal today.. she kind of over reacted and bit my head off coz I avoided 1 question in her email.
I won't go into too much details as it'd be too long. But she did over react and say that I create this "weirdness" when I avoid the questions otherwise she feels Normal talking to me.
She apologized when I explained why and when I said I'd like her to come out tomorrow with our friends she said Shr wants to and apologized
Anyways guess I'm feeling down as it's getting close her going away for a week at a festival and the little argument
But when do you know when to move on? Anyone else had experience?
And what about doing stuff that could! Jeopardize getting back together? like talking to other women etc or meeting... tbh I'm avoiding doing that, incase she wants to and asks to check my phone.. or She wants to get back together but then won't coz I've been around another girl?.....not that I'm going to do anything.. it's just boredom and company as in friend.
What would you do a.z if you were the girl in question and it was me and you?
P.s she also had a dream about me last night..but wasn't a good one, apparently I was " going down" on another girl infront of her lol
A.Z,
I am truly a positive thinker! Yesterday, I was listing to the songs that we were listening together for the first time after the breakup. They effected my emotions for a while! I started my today with my own fun musics! Confident again, since there are chances that I see her today, I was thinking about the girls that I have been flirting with recently to push my ex away from the center of my brain! If things don't go smoothly for me, I will work on a plan B!! Life is more beautiful than wasting on regrets!! OMG!! I wished I could copy paste this instrumental display for you guys to listen! LOL :P
Thank you A.Z. and David!! TTYL LOL
great dara :),your right.life is absolutely beautiful.since we broke up,i went on as many as dates as i could,i did everything to regain my confidence and i'm feeling really great.although he never found that i'm dating others,but he knows that guys like me and he said that he is having a hard time when he thinks about it. you can say the song's name so we can search it on youtube .i'm listening to passenger-let her go :)
A.Z.,
The weekend is going to end in a few hours and I am a bit low now! This is probably because I feel that I had a great chance yesterday and I feel that I will not get that chance back again! Other chances are simply remember the moment texts which I believe may not work for me because our end was sarcastic. She is probably hurt a lot and might need more than 90 days of NC to recover! Plus, as time goes on there are more chances that she fall into a permanent relationship which is not important basically because I will understand that I have to move on but it will probably hurt me for a couple of weeks.
A.Z., what is your suggestion about asking Kevin to open a page in which we could just leave comments for each other without interfering in Kevin's main comments/suggestion? I feel you just like me feel ease visiting this site!!
thank you dara,
yeah,i know all your saying is right.i think i'm doing the right thing and if he really loves me, his gonna ask me to get back this way.lets see what happens.thank you very much again x
have a nice weekend :)
A.Z.,
There are chances that he is hiding his feelings! Sometimes he is successful and sometimes he is not! You must understand this much better than me! Maybe he is faking emotions and sometimes he is real. But I believe that he is trying his best to hide his feelings!
Since he is asking about your sex, he probably loves you! There are chances that he get a lot emotional when you come back! Men are appearance oriented! It is said that they love what they see! At least this is correct in my case! I prefer breakup over long distance relationship!
My suggestion is simply be cool and think about the direction of your relationship when you meet him again! Only 10 days!! He is probably hurt by that drinking accident! Remember that I am still pissed off at that Sherryl!
It is okay that he can read you body language! But unless you approve it, he will never be 100% sure! I am also good at reading body languages (most of my ex girlfriends approved it and appraised it), but had some problem with my ex! Oh! I meant to say that unless they approved it, I was not 100% sure!!
Have a great weekend!! Will update more later!!
your right,and i'm sure your gonna make it in the best way.i really wish you all the best lucks in the world. and about my case,i don't really know how he feels for me.it has been 4 days that we are not in touch.and no,i'm still not there but i'm gonna be there by the next 10 days.the other day he said he missed me a lot and asked me to get back to the country sooner but i gave him no obvious answer.and i'm not gonna initiate any contact.i don't want to be too available to him.i'm feel really confused about him.i just did everything i was supposed and the problem is he knows that i love him.i show nothing but he knows me better than everyone.he even knows all about my body language.we were having a video call,he asked me if i dated someone.i was just thinking for like 3 seconds and he said i got the answer you make this face when you are about to lie :O. then i told him i had no serious thing as dating a special guy but i met new people and i do go out with them.seriously i'm so sick of it.he is like the only guy that i can't read his mind.one day he is too emotional and one day he makes me feel i never knew him before.
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
OMG dara,i know how you feel but it's ok.it's great that you feel too cool to see her and you went there.her boss has definitely told her that you were there.wait untill your NC is over then drop her one of the texts.or if you have a really good excuse to go there,go there again.and be charming like you were today.and have a really short possitive conversation with her (like you never had any feelings for her ) .the dissapesar again and after two weeks drop her one of the texts.
A.Z., I love Paul Mauriat's music! He was basically a great composer! Elise, Gipsy River, Jeux Interdits, El Bimbo, Last Summer Day, Love Story, Le Temps Des Fleurs, and Asturias (Albeniz) are the musics that inspire me!! Especially Albeniz is my love!! There is no singing in these songs!!
I love Passenger let her go but it reminds me my ex girlfriend!! I used to sing it for her in her car when we drove to different places!! Only know... Oh, all these lines remind me of her!! Especially when troubles have appeared in our relation and I was low!! I truly need the light!! I needed the sun when it was -20C this winter!! This song made a lot of sense on those days!!
A.Z.!!!
I was to scream as loud as thunder : WTF!!!!
This morning, I was really high in spirit!! I wore my best dress to join and thought to myself if she does not have any grudge on me, she will have no resistance then!! I went to her office because they were the organizers of this trip to horse field in our campus. (Side note: I am a PhD student and she is masters student and she works in that office as a student employee).
She was not there and I saw her boss. (Side note: I had invited her to my ex's B'day too). She said my girlfriend was supposed to be here but she has sent her to a meeting instead of her!! I was laughing about 15 minutes because I had wore my best dress with the knowledge that my ex girlfriend loved formal dress, had a really nice haircut 3 days ago, had my best cologne on and she was sent to a meeting!!
No! No! No!!! I still want to shout "WHY??!!" Instead a wrong girl was attracted to me (LOL) and she was clinging to me, doing me favors all the time!! But I want my girl not others!! It was such a lovely, friendly atmosphere!!
A.Z.,
The weekend is going to end in a few hours and I am a bit low now! This is probably because I feel that I had a great chance yesterday and I feel that I will not get that chance back again! Other chances are simply remember the moment texts which I believe may not work for me because our end was sarcastic. She is probably hurt a lot and might need more than 90 days of NC to recover! Plus, as time goes on there are more chances that she fall into a permanent relationship which is not important basically because I will understand that I have to move on but it will probably hurt me for a couple of weeks.
A.Z., what is your suggestion about asking Kevin to open a page in which we could just leave comments for each other without interfering in Kevin's main comments/suggestion? I feel you just like me feel ease visiting this site!!
thank you dara,
yeah,i know all your saying is right.i think i'm doing the right thing and if he really loves me, his gonna ask me to get back this way.lets see what happens.thank you very much again x
have a nice weekend :)
A.Z.,
There are chances that he is hiding his feelings! Sometimes he is successful and sometimes he is not! You must understand this much better than me! Maybe he is faking emotions and sometimes he is real. But I believe that he is trying his best to hide his feelings!
Since he is asking about your sex, he probably loves you! There are chances that he get a lot emotional when you come back! Men are appearance oriented! It is said that they love what they see! At least this is correct in my case! I prefer breakup over long distance relationship!
My suggestion is simply be cool and think about the direction of your relationship when you meet him again! Only 10 days!! He is probably hurt by that drinking accident! Remember that I am still pissed off at that Sherryl!
It is okay that he can read you body language! But unless you approve it, he will never be 100% sure! I am also good at reading body languages (most of my ex girlfriends approved it and appraised it), but had some problem with my ex! Oh! I meant to say that unless they approved it, I was not 100% sure!!
Have a great weekend!! Will update more later!!
your right,and i'm sure your gonna make it in the best way.i really wish you all the best lucks in the world. and about my case,i don't really know how he feels for me.it has been 4 days that we are not in touch.and no,i'm still not there but i'm gonna be there by the next 10 days.the other day he said he missed me a lot and asked me to get back to the country sooner but i gave him no obvious answer.and i'm not gonna initiate any contact.i don't want to be too available to him.i'm feel really confused about him.i just did everything i was supposed and the problem is he knows that i love him.i show nothing but he knows me better than everyone.he even knows all about my body language.we were having a video call,he asked me if i dated someone.i was just thinking for like 3 seconds and he said i got the answer you make this face when you are about to lie :O. then i told him i had no serious thing as dating a special guy but i met new people and i do go out with them.seriously i'm so sick of it.he is like the only guy that i can't read his mind.one day he is too emotional and one day he makes me feel i never knew him before.
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
OMG dara,i know how you feel but it's ok.it's great that you feel too cool to see her and you went there.her boss has definitely told her that you were there.wait untill your NC is over then drop her one of the texts.or if you have a really good excuse to go there,go there again.and be charming like you were today.and have a really short possitive conversation with her (like you never had any feelings for her ) .the dissapesar again and after two weeks drop her one of the texts.
A.Z., I love Paul Mauriat's music! He was basically a great composer! Elise, Gipsy River, Jeux Interdits, El Bimbo, Last Summer Day, Love Story, Le Temps Des Fleurs, and Asturias (Albeniz) are the musics that inspire me!! Especially Albeniz is my love!! There is no singing in these songs!!
I love Passenger let her go but it reminds me my ex girlfriend!! I used to sing it for her in her car when we drove to different places!! Only know... Oh, all these lines remind me of her!! Especially when troubles have appeared in our relation and I was low!! I truly need the light!! I needed the sun when it was -20C this winter!! This song made a lot of sense on those days!!
A.Z.!!!
I was to scream as loud as thunder : WTF!!!!
This morning, I was really high in spirit!! I wore my best dress to join and thought to myself if she does not have any grudge on me, she will have no resistance then!! I went to her office because they were the organizers of this trip to horse field in our campus. (Side note: I am a PhD student and she is masters student and she works in that office as a student employee).
She was not there and I saw her boss. (Side note: I had invited her to my ex's B'day too). She said my girlfriend was supposed to be here but she has sent her to a meeting instead of her!! I was laughing about 15 minutes because I had wore my best dress with the knowledge that my ex girlfriend loved formal dress, had a really nice haircut 3 days ago, had my best cologne on and she was sent to a meeting!!
No! No! No!!! I still want to shout "WHY??!!" Instead a wrong girl was attracted to me (LOL) and she was clinging to me, doing me favors all the time!! But I want my girl not others!! It was such a lovely, friendly atmosphere!!
A.Z.,
The weekend is going to end in a few hours and I am a bit low now! This is probably because I feel that I had a great chance yesterday and I feel that I will not get that chance back again! Other chances are simply remember the moment texts which I believe may not work for me because our end was sarcastic. She is probably hurt a lot and might need more than 90 days of NC to recover! Plus, as time goes on there are more chances that she fall into a permanent relationship which is not important basically because I will understand that I have to move on but it will probably hurt me for a couple of weeks.
A.Z., what is your suggestion about asking Kevin to open a page in which we could just leave comments for each other without interfering in Kevin's main comments/suggestion? I feel you just like me feel ease visiting this site!!
thank you dara,
yeah,i know all your saying is right.i think i'm doing the right thing and if he really loves me, his gonna ask me to get back this way.lets see what happens.thank you very much again x
have a nice weekend :)
A.Z.,
There are chances that he is hiding his feelings! Sometimes he is successful and sometimes he is not! You must understand this much better than me! Maybe he is faking emotions and sometimes he is real. But I believe that he is trying his best to hide his feelings!
Since he is asking about your sex, he probably loves you! There are chances that he get a lot emotional when you come back! Men are appearance oriented! It is said that they love what they see! At least this is correct in my case! I prefer breakup over long distance relationship!
My suggestion is simply be cool and think about the direction of your relationship when you meet him again! Only 10 days!! He is probably hurt by that drinking accident! Remember that I am still pissed off at that Sherryl!
It is okay that he can read you body language! But unless you approve it, he will never be 100% sure! I am also good at reading body languages (most of my ex girlfriends approved it and appraised it), but had some problem with my ex! Oh! I meant to say that unless they approved it, I was not 100% sure!!
Have a great weekend!! Will update more later!!
your right,and i'm sure your gonna make it in the best way.i really wish you all the best lucks in the world. and about my case,i don't really know how he feels for me.it has been 4 days that we are not in touch.and no,i'm still not there but i'm gonna be there by the next 10 days.the other day he said he missed me a lot and asked me to get back to the country sooner but i gave him no obvious answer.and i'm not gonna initiate any contact.i don't want to be too available to him.i'm feel really confused about him.i just did everything i was supposed and the problem is he knows that i love him.i show nothing but he knows me better than everyone.he even knows all about my body language.we were having a video call,he asked me if i dated someone.i was just thinking for like 3 seconds and he said i got the answer you make this face when you are about to lie :O. then i told him i had no serious thing as dating a special guy but i met new people and i do go out with them.seriously i'm so sick of it.he is like the only guy that i can't read his mind.one day he is too emotional and one day he makes me feel i never knew him before.
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
OMG dara,i know how you feel but it's ok.it's great that you feel too cool to see her and you went there.her boss has definitely told her that you were there.wait untill your NC is over then drop her one of the texts.or if you have a really good excuse to go there,go there again.and be charming like you were today.and have a really short possitive conversation with her (like you never had any feelings for her ) .the dissapesar again and after two weeks drop her one of the texts.
A.Z., I love Paul Mauriat's music! He was basically a great composer! Elise, Gipsy River, Jeux Interdits, El Bimbo, Last Summer Day, Love Story, Le Temps Des Fleurs, and Asturias (Albeniz) are the musics that inspire me!! Especially Albeniz is my love!! There is no singing in these songs!!
I love Passenger let her go but it reminds me my ex girlfriend!! I used to sing it for her in her car when we drove to different places!! Only know... Oh, all these lines remind me of her!! Especially when troubles have appeared in our relation and I was low!! I truly need the light!! I needed the sun when it was -20C this winter!! This song made a lot of sense on those days!!
A.Z.!!!
I was to scream as loud as thunder : WTF!!!!
This morning, I was really high in spirit!! I wore my best dress to join and thought to myself if she does not have any grudge on me, she will have no resistance then!! I went to her office because they were the organizers of this trip to horse field in our campus. (Side note: I am a PhD student and she is masters student and she works in that office as a student employee).
She was not there and I saw her boss. (Side note: I had invited her to my ex's B'day too). She said my girlfriend was supposed to be here but she has sent her to a meeting instead of her!! I was laughing about 15 minutes because I had wore my best dress with the knowledge that my ex girlfriend loved formal dress, had a really nice haircut 3 days ago, had my best cologne on and she was sent to a meeting!!
No! No! No!!! I still want to shout "WHY??!!" Instead a wrong girl was attracted to me (LOL) and she was clinging to me, doing me favors all the time!! But I want my girl not others!! It was such a lovely, friendly atmosphere!!
A.Z.,
The weekend is going to end in a few hours and I am a bit low now! This is probably because I feel that I had a great chance yesterday and I feel that I will not get that chance back again! Other chances are simply remember the moment texts which I believe may not work for me because our end was sarcastic. She is probably hurt a lot and might need more than 90 days of NC to recover! Plus, as time goes on there are more chances that she fall into a permanent relationship which is not important basically because I will understand that I have to move on but it will probably hurt me for a couple of weeks.
A.Z., what is your suggestion about asking Kevin to open a page in which we could just leave comments for each other without interfering in Kevin's main comments/suggestion? I feel you just like me feel ease visiting this site!!
thank you dara,
yeah,i know all your saying is right.i think i'm doing the right thing and if he really loves me, his gonna ask me to get back this way.lets see what happens.thank you very much again x
have a nice weekend :)
A.Z.,
There are chances that he is hiding his feelings! Sometimes he is successful and sometimes he is not! You must understand this much better than me! Maybe he is faking emotions and sometimes he is real. But I believe that he is trying his best to hide his feelings!
Since he is asking about your sex, he probably loves you! There are chances that he get a lot emotional when you come back! Men are appearance oriented! It is said that they love what they see! At least this is correct in my case! I prefer breakup over long distance relationship!
My suggestion is simply be cool and think about the direction of your relationship when you meet him again! Only 10 days!! He is probably hurt by that drinking accident! Remember that I am still pissed off at that Sherryl!
It is okay that he can read you body language! But unless you approve it, he will never be 100% sure! I am also good at reading body languages (most of my ex girlfriends approved it and appraised it), but had some problem with my ex! Oh! I meant to say that unless they approved it, I was not 100% sure!!
Have a great weekend!! Will update more later!!
your right,and i'm sure your gonna make it in the best way.i really wish you all the best lucks in the world. and about my case,i don't really know how he feels for me.it has been 4 days that we are not in touch.and no,i'm still not there but i'm gonna be there by the next 10 days.the other day he said he missed me a lot and asked me to get back to the country sooner but i gave him no obvious answer.and i'm not gonna initiate any contact.i don't want to be too available to him.i'm feel really confused about him.i just did everything i was supposed and the problem is he knows that i love him.i show nothing but he knows me better than everyone.he even knows all about my body language.we were having a video call,he asked me if i dated someone.i was just thinking for like 3 seconds and he said i got the answer you make this face when you are about to lie :O. then i told him i had no serious thing as dating a special guy but i met new people and i do go out with them.seriously i'm so sick of it.he is like the only guy that i can't read his mind.one day he is too emotional and one day he makes me feel i never knew him before.
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
OMG dara,i know how you feel but it's ok.it's great that you feel too cool to see her and you went there.her boss has definitely told her that you were there.wait untill your NC is over then drop her one of the texts.or if you have a really good excuse to go there,go there again.and be charming like you were today.and have a really short possitive conversation with her (like you never had any feelings for her ) .the dissapesar again and after two weeks drop her one of the texts.
A.Z., I love Paul Mauriat's music! He was basically a great composer! Elise, Gipsy River, Jeux Interdits, El Bimbo, Last Summer Day, Love Story, Le Temps Des Fleurs, and Asturias (Albeniz) are the musics that inspire me!! Especially Albeniz is my love!! There is no singing in these songs!!
I love Passenger let her go but it reminds me my ex girlfriend!! I used to sing it for her in her car when we drove to different places!! Only know... Oh, all these lines remind me of her!! Especially when troubles have appeared in our relation and I was low!! I truly need the light!! I needed the sun when it was -20C this winter!! This song made a lot of sense on those days!!
A.Z.!!!
I was to scream as loud as thunder : WTF!!!!
This morning, I was really high in spirit!! I wore my best dress to join and thought to myself if she does not have any grudge on me, she will have no resistance then!! I went to her office because they were the organizers of this trip to horse field in our campus. (Side note: I am a PhD student and she is masters student and she works in that office as a student employee).
She was not there and I saw her boss. (Side note: I had invited her to my ex's B'day too). She said my girlfriend was supposed to be here but she has sent her to a meeting instead of her!! I was laughing about 15 minutes because I had wore my best dress with the knowledge that my ex girlfriend loved formal dress, had a really nice haircut 3 days ago, had my best cologne on and she was sent to a meeting!!
No! No! No!!! I still want to shout "WHY??!!" Instead a wrong girl was attracted to me (LOL) and she was clinging to me, doing me favors all the time!! But I want my girl not others!! It was such a lovely, friendly atmosphere!!
A.Z.,
The weekend is going to end in a few hours and I am a bit low now! This is probably because I feel that I had a great chance yesterday and I feel that I will not get that chance back again! Other chances are simply remember the moment texts which I believe may not work for me because our end was sarcastic. She is probably hurt a lot and might need more than 90 days of NC to recover! Plus, as time goes on there are more chances that she fall into a permanent relationship which is not important basically because I will understand that I have to move on but it will probably hurt me for a couple of weeks.
A.Z., what is your suggestion about asking Kevin to open a page in which we could just leave comments for each other without interfering in Kevin's main comments/suggestion? I feel you just like me feel ease visiting this site!!
thank you dara,
yeah,i know all your saying is right.i think i'm doing the right thing and if he really loves me, his gonna ask me to get back this way.lets see what happens.thank you very much again x
have a nice weekend :)
A.Z.,
There are chances that he is hiding his feelings! Sometimes he is successful and sometimes he is not! You must understand this much better than me! Maybe he is faking emotions and sometimes he is real. But I believe that he is trying his best to hide his feelings!
Since he is asking about your sex, he probably loves you! There are chances that he get a lot emotional when you come back! Men are appearance oriented! It is said that they love what they see! At least this is correct in my case! I prefer breakup over long distance relationship!
My suggestion is simply be cool and think about the direction of your relationship when you meet him again! Only 10 days!! He is probably hurt by that drinking accident! Remember that I am still pissed off at that Sherryl!
It is okay that he can read you body language! But unless you approve it, he will never be 100% sure! I am also good at reading body languages (most of my ex girlfriends approved it and appraised it), but had some problem with my ex! Oh! I meant to say that unless they approved it, I was not 100% sure!!
Have a great weekend!! Will update more later!!
your right,and i'm sure your gonna make it in the best way.i really wish you all the best lucks in the world. and about my case,i don't really know how he feels for me.it has been 4 days that we are not in touch.and no,i'm still not there but i'm gonna be there by the next 10 days.the other day he said he missed me a lot and asked me to get back to the country sooner but i gave him no obvious answer.and i'm not gonna initiate any contact.i don't want to be too available to him.i'm feel really confused about him.i just did everything i was supposed and the problem is he knows that i love him.i show nothing but he knows me better than everyone.he even knows all about my body language.we were having a video call,he asked me if i dated someone.i was just thinking for like 3 seconds and he said i got the answer you make this face when you are about to lie :O. then i told him i had no serious thing as dating a special guy but i met new people and i do go out with them.seriously i'm so sick of it.he is like the only guy that i can't read his mind.one day he is too emotional and one day he makes me feel i never knew him before.
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
OMG dara,i know how you feel but it's ok.it's great that you feel too cool to see her and you went there.her boss has definitely told her that you were there.wait untill your NC is over then drop her one of the texts.or if you have a really good excuse to go there,go there again.and be charming like you were today.and have a really short possitive conversation with her (like you never had any feelings for her ) .the dissapesar again and after two weeks drop her one of the texts.
A.Z., I love Paul Mauriat's music! He was basically a great composer! Elise, Gipsy River, Jeux Interdits, El Bimbo, Last Summer Day, Love Story, Le Temps Des Fleurs, and Asturias (Albeniz) are the musics that inspire me!! Especially Albeniz is my love!! There is no singing in these songs!!
I love Passenger let her go but it reminds me my ex girlfriend!! I used to sing it for her in her car when we drove to different places!! Only know... Oh, all these lines remind me of her!! Especially when troubles have appeared in our relation and I was low!! I truly need the light!! I needed the sun when it was -20C this winter!! This song made a lot of sense on those days!!
A.Z.!!!
I was to scream as loud as thunder : WTF!!!!
This morning, I was really high in spirit!! I wore my best dress to join and thought to myself if she does not have any grudge on me, she will have no resistance then!! I went to her office because they were the organizers of this trip to horse field in our campus. (Side note: I am a PhD student and she is masters student and she works in that office as a student employee).
She was not there and I saw her boss. (Side note: I had invited her to my ex's B'day too). She said my girlfriend was supposed to be here but she has sent her to a meeting instead of her!! I was laughing about 15 minutes because I had wore my best dress with the knowledge that my ex girlfriend loved formal dress, had a really nice haircut 3 days ago, had my best cologne on and she was sent to a meeting!!
No! No! No!!! I still want to shout "WHY??!!" Instead a wrong girl was attracted to me (LOL) and she was clinging to me, doing me favors all the time!! But I want my girl not others!! It was such a lovely, friendly atmosphere!!
great dara :),your right.life is absolutely beautiful.since we broke up,i went on as many as dates as i could,i did everything to regain my confidence and i'm feeling really great.although he never found that i'm dating others,but he knows that guys like me and he said that he is having a hard time when he thinks about it. you can say the song's name so we can search it on youtube .i'm listening to passenger-let her go :)
great dara :),your right.life is absolutely beautiful.since we broke up,i went on as many as dates as i could,i did everything to regain my confidence and i'm feeling really great.although he never found that i'm dating others,but he knows that guys like me and he said that he is having a hard time when he thinks about it. you can say the song's name so we can search it on youtube .i'm listening to passenger-let her go :)
great dara :),your right.life is absolutely beautiful.since we broke up,i went on as many as dates as i could,i did everything to regain my confidence and i'm feeling really great.although he never found that i'm dating others,but he knows that guys like me and he said that he is having a hard time when he thinks about it. you can say the song's name so we can search it on youtube .i'm listening to passenger-let her go :)
Thank you A.Z. and David!! TTYL LOL
Thank you A.Z. and David!! TTYL LOL
david,
i can say that she absolutely has feelings for you.i have been there before,when she over reacts on something about you this means she expects you to care more and be responsible about her.she hasn't asked to get back because she knows that you are still there and she knows shat you feel for her.i know you met her ac ouple of times before after you broke up,but she could sense that you still want her back.but don't worry about it from now on when you meet her be the way that you are with all of your other female friends.don't worry about the festival just wish her a nice time.she is not gonna move on over a week.and about your questions,no,you won't lose her if you talk to other girls.the most important thing is to put yourself before her. in fact using jealousy in a right way will make a backfire. i think if i was in her shoes i would be like what the heck????? what about his feelings for me? does he like that girl? is he gonna go out with her? what about if he falls for her? she doen't have to be sure if there is something between you but a little jelousy will help,i'm sure about it. one of the things that ryan teaches in the relationship rewind is to create scarcity and its in the second meeting which means that she get into a conclusion that she might be losing you forever,and your presence will be over cuz maybe you are attracted to someone else. you need to act like friends this time,try to have a nice time,make small conversations with her and again with all of your friends,avoid too much eye contacts,just be as cool as you can be.on the next meeting create scarcity and the third meeting should be a perfect date.your not gonna lose her if you talk to others,let me give you an example 3 years a go i personally broke up with a guy,he was begging me to get back although he did nothing wrong.and i told him i would never get back,he kept begging and crying for 3 weeks and i was just like NO.then he disappeared and about a week later i found that he is seeing another girl,i was like what the ...?? :O .and i contacted him ,asked him to come over my place.i apologized for whatever i did to him,told her i loved him and we got back together.so don't worry about anything even though she tells you she would never talk to you if you talk to another girl she will talk to you.just concentrate on your plan and be don't worry about anything.
A. Z.,
Hey! My girl broke up with me because she no longer sees a future with me and is no longer in love. We were on and off but somehow I am trying to seek for other girls.
She found it out and was so mad. She keeps interrogating me but she is consistent she doesn't love me anymore.
I guess, she felt cheated. Amd I think her finding ouy about the other girl made jer so furious and pushed her away.
Why is that so? Does that mean that she is really no longer in love?
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
David!
You can learn a lot of things from her!! She is the devil (just kidding A.Z, I love your frankness and honesty in teaching stuff, thanks)!! I bet your girlfriend loves you and is just playing with you! Don't get jealous of her going for a festival! Think of it in positive manner!! She will miss you there!! She might think like, "I wish we were together her!!"
Just like A.Z., I also had relationships before and have some clue about these mind games both girls and boys play!! I want to give you an example my situation which might resemble somewhat your: Yesterday, a friend told me that she saw my girlfriend and he added that oh man your girlfriend a amazing by her looks! Day before yesterday a guy that I hardly know asked me about my girlfriend!
Both of the above thing made me freak out the moment I heard about it, but when I analyzed the situation, it was nothing bad! First, she had a breakup and her feelings are hurt. She is doing a lot of make up in these days and wearing her best clothes. This means that at this moment, there is no guy in her life! Maybe she wants to prove something! Secondly, maybe this strange guy, who is also really good looking want to date my ex but I know my ex girlfriend's criteria! This guy, easily out!!
David, you did it great till now! Just follow what A.Z. said above!! About dating others, it will keep her in a situation that she will regretting the breakup and maybe run back (with speed of sound) to you!!! This is human psychology!! LOL
Thanks a.z and Dara :)
Much appreciated, Yesterday is over now and I got saved by my friend who asked if I wanted to go to Pub so that took ym mind off it all ha, then come back to find these messages and its much easier :)
I do realise she still has feelings because "friends" dont argue or over-react the way she did....Plus after the conversation ended yesterday which was about 5pm.. she emailed me last....btu was driving so i rang but no answer and that was end of conversation....no contact then at the end of the night (10:30pm) she sends me a "Night night x" txt which she has been doing consistently for the past week now, which i have only ever iniated once.
Today is Saturday and I do feel very confident, Like I said Social events etc and meeting face to face is my strong point. Maybe she could tell I still had feelings for her the last 2 times I met her...because it was only me and her and it was so soon....but tonight is going to be in a pub with few of my friends etc. So itll be a piece of cake for me :)
If she doesnt come...she doesnt come..im not bothered and think ive done really well to portray and tell her that its completely upto her if she comes or not.
Thanks a lot so much :) going to gym in a few minutes tog et pumped for tonight ;) and hearing both of your stories is a big help too.
I understand a lot of men easily! I can read them like a book....but women.....thats like rocket science to me!
x
dara and david,
i think kevin's and ryan's system probably are gonna work for us.david i'm so glad you are so confident today and i love your attitude.i'm sure you will have a good night tonight.keep us posted.and dara don't care about her friend.what she can do against you, is not gonna last that long.again,most of my ex's friends were against me but after the NC my ex said he doesn't care about them at all.just never say anything bad about sherly in front of your ex.be cool.if you open the conversation lines again,don't bring up anything about the breakup reasons and negative past memories.we are all gonna be fine :) gooood luck
dara and david,
i think kevin's and ryan's system probably are gonna work for us.david i'm so glad you are so confident today and i love your attitude.i'm sure you will have a good night tonight.keep us posted.and dara don't care about her friend.what she can do against you, is not gonna last that long.again,most of my ex's friends were against me but after the NC my ex said he doesn't care about them at all.just never say anything bad about sherly in front of your ex.be cool.if you open the conversation lines again,don't bring up anything about the breakup reasons and negative past memories.we are all gonna be fine :) gooood luck
dara and david,
i think kevin's and ryan's system probably are gonna work for us.david i'm so glad you are so confident today and i love your attitude.i'm sure you will have a good night tonight.keep us posted.and dara don't care about her friend.what she can do against you, is not gonna last that long.again,most of my ex's friends were against me but after the NC my ex said he doesn't care about them at all.just never say anything bad about sherly in front of your ex.be cool.if you open the conversation lines again,don't bring up anything about the breakup reasons and negative past memories.we are all gonna be fine :) gooood luck
dara and david,
i think kevin's and ryan's system probably are gonna work for us.david i'm so glad you are so confident today and i love your attitude.i'm sure you will have a good night tonight.keep us posted.and dara don't care about her friend.what she can do against you, is not gonna last that long.again,most of my ex's friends were against me but after the NC my ex said he doesn't care about them at all.just never say anything bad about sherly in front of your ex.be cool.if you open the conversation lines again,don't bring up anything about the breakup reasons and negative past memories.we are all gonna be fine :) gooood luck
dara and david,
i think kevin's and ryan's system probably are gonna work for us.david i'm so glad you are so confident today and i love your attitude.i'm sure you will have a good night tonight.keep us posted.and dara don't care about her friend.what she can do against you, is not gonna last that long.again,most of my ex's friends were against me but after the NC my ex said he doesn't care about them at all.just never say anything bad about sherly in front of your ex.be cool.if you open the conversation lines again,don't bring up anything about the breakup reasons and negative past memories.we are all gonna be fine :) gooood luck
dara,
hahaha no i'm not the devil,you see i'm still stuck in my old relationship and still couldn't get him back after almost 4 months.he says he loves me and that he misses me and he really over reacts on his emotions over me but he never asked me to get back.the other day while we were on a casual conversation.he asked if i had sex with someone ( this was his second time ),i said we shouldn't be talking about this,then he insisted and i said no but it's happening sooner or later.he said if he ever understands that i did this,he is never gonna talk to me again.and i was like meh whatever,i didn't but both of us will do it.he said he didn't have sex with anyone and he didn't meet a new girl since we broke up.he said he likes to be my boy friend but again didn't ask me to get back.crazy right? :))).i have been acting cool all the time.and i never acted needy.after we broke up i immediately went on NC for 33 days,then he contacted me, he was chasing me for a month,he was talking about his emotions for me,we met,he talked about his future and i was in it.then i went to another country, something happened,he got too mad at me and blocked me on FB .kevin told me to go on NC until he contacts me.after 10 days he unblocked me and send my friend a msg to greet my birthday.after 10 more days he contacted me saying he feels bad without me and added me on FB. and here i am at the first place :) .i don't want to act like i'm frustrated but these 2 days i have been thinking of moving on.i still love him but i'm kinda too tired to try to get back with him.
I did read this at the time but couldn't comment...I have to comment on this one as the others dont have "Reply"
I got a few questions though because I couldnt find your story,
Who broke up with who?
Has he been dating or do you think hes been dating?
How long were you together?
From me reading as a guy, I think you are in a fabulous pozition a.z....He definitely still likes you and think you could get him back at any time.
The fact that he has told you all of that stuff, but hasnt mentioned getting back together, Its kind of a guy thing and egotistical...Not him personally...but its in all of us men ha and yeah like dara said hiding his feelings. I definitely think you 2 can get together...its just whos going to be the one to mention it :)
He wants to get back together IMO but doesnt want to ask because he doesnt want to cave in basically (thats why id like to know who broke who etc)
Thats also why I think he is asking you so much about the dates and sex, because hes checking if hes going to lose you and testing your reactions to see if your feelings are still there..he doesnt want to ask you because you might say No....because youve been acting Cool and did NC etc so its got him wondering...
I would think next time if he asks if youve been on a date etc, you can do 1 of 2 things
a) Tell him youve been on one - it might kick his ass in gear to actually make the jump to ask you but could backfire
b) Tell him youve been asked to go on a date, but you are undecided on whether to go
I think b) is the winner personally...It lets him KNOW that you have other options, you said youve been on dates, but he doesnt know that....this will defintiely let him know that you CAN go on a date...but at same time by letting him know that you are undeicded, your not completely pushing him away..and it might give him the little nudge that I think he needs t actually mention getting back together
Thats my thoughts anyways :) but you are defintiely in a very good position!
Hope it helps x
Hey A.Z., sorry my friend!! I believe now you are in good shape and I hope things go well for you! Last night, I also did not have positive feelings about the whole thing!! Hopefully everything will be great again for we all!
A.Z.,
You know, I have a strong memory! Now, I remember your story!! What you did made your relation in some kind of jeopardy but to me it is not something that cannot be forgiven!! I think he is over-reacting!!
Well, I invited my girlfriend's friend to her B'day party to surprise her! I wanted to invited her close colleague friends to her B'day party! I asked my girlfriend who is her best colleague friend. She said Sherryl is her best friend and Sherryl is an ugly lesbian. I had met her before. I somehow found Sherryl's number and asked her if there is any close friend please invite her. She was really strange. She never replied my calls and only texted me back! Plus, sometime at night she would text me saying what's up? I would say good, how is B'day plan and I would get no response back!! Anyway, she did not come to B'day and as far as I know sent an email to everyone that I want to celebrate B'day for her colleague friend. I didn't want this. Whatsoever! Bday was over!! 3 weeks later my gf meets this Sherryl while we were together!! They had some talks together while I climbed went for hiking!! When I came back, she was cold to me!! As cold as ice! I expected a romantic evening, but my girlfriend said they both want to hangout! I was hurt!
I applied limited contact and she would reply me well but would not date me!! This was hurting!! Finally, she sent me an email that she want breakup!! I got mad and criticized her for being rude to me and mentioned whatever hurt me all those days!! I added that "I am teaching these point so that you learn to be good with you next boyfriend!!" She also went made and told me that she didn't like that I texted Sherryl at 1 a.m. I trully felt so bad!! Some mother fucker that I had invited for a B'day party and had cooked for had made such big lies about me!! I am still pissed off at that bitch!! Can't call her a bitch because bitches are more beautiful than her!!
I am amazed that my girlfriend never asked me about the validity of this story!! This one also hurts me!! Unfortunately, there are a lot of such personalities!! The fact that to her their idea about me is more important than what I really am hurts me!!
I did read this at the time but couldn't comment...I have to comment on this one as the others dont have "Reply"
I got a few questions though because I couldnt find your story,
Who broke up with who?
Has he been dating or do you think hes been dating?
How long were you together?
From me reading as a guy, I think you are in a fabulous pozition a.z....He definitely still likes you and think you could get him back at any time.
The fact that he has told you all of that stuff, but hasnt mentioned getting back together, Its kind of a guy thing and egotistical...Not him personally...but its in all of us men ha and yeah like dara said hiding his feelings. I definitely think you 2 can get together...its just whos going to be the one to mention it :)
He wants to get back together IMO but doesnt want to ask because he doesnt want to cave in basically (thats why id like to know who broke who etc)
Thats also why I think he is asking you so much about the dates and sex, because hes checking if hes going to lose you and testing your reactions to see if your feelings are still there..he doesnt want to ask you because you might say No....because youve been acting Cool and did NC etc so its got him wondering...
I would think next time if he asks if youve been on a date etc, you can do 1 of 2 things
a) Tell him youve been on one - it might kick his ass in gear to actually make the jump to ask you but could backfire
b) Tell him youve been asked to go on a date, but you are undecided on whether to go
I think b) is the winner personally...It lets him KNOW that you have other options, you said youve been on dates, but he doesnt know that....this will defintiely let him know that you CAN go on a date...but at same time by letting him know that you are undeicded, your not completely pushing him away..and it might give him the little nudge that I think he needs t actually mention getting back together
Thats my thoughts anyways :) but you are defintiely in a very good position!
Hope it helps x
Hey A.Z., sorry my friend!! I believe now you are in good shape and I hope things go well for you! Last night, I also did not have positive feelings about the whole thing!! Hopefully everything will be great again for we all!
A.Z.,
You know, I have a strong memory! Now, I remember your story!! What you did made your relation in some kind of jeopardy but to me it is not something that cannot be forgiven!! I think he is over-reacting!!
Well, I invited my girlfriend's friend to her B'day party to surprise her! I wanted to invited her close colleague friends to her B'day party! I asked my girlfriend who is her best colleague friend. She said Sherryl is her best friend and Sherryl is an ugly lesbian. I had met her before. I somehow found Sherryl's number and asked her if there is any close friend please invite her. She was really strange. She never replied my calls and only texted me back! Plus, sometime at night she would text me saying what's up? I would say good, how is B'day plan and I would get no response back!! Anyway, she did not come to B'day and as far as I know sent an email to everyone that I want to celebrate B'day for her colleague friend. I didn't want this. Whatsoever! Bday was over!! 3 weeks later my gf meets this Sherryl while we were together!! They had some talks together while I climbed went for hiking!! When I came back, she was cold to me!! As cold as ice! I expected a romantic evening, but my girlfriend said they both want to hangout! I was hurt!
I applied limited contact and she would reply me well but would not date me!! This was hurting!! Finally, she sent me an email that she want breakup!! I got mad and criticized her for being rude to me and mentioned whatever hurt me all those days!! I added that "I am teaching these point so that you learn to be good with you next boyfriend!!" She also went made and told me that she didn't like that I texted Sherryl at 1 a.m. I trully felt so bad!! Some mother fucker that I had invited for a B'day party and had cooked for had made such big lies about me!! I am still pissed off at that bitch!! Can't call her a bitch because bitches are more beautiful than her!!
I am amazed that my girlfriend never asked me about the validity of this story!! This one also hurts me!! Unfortunately, there are a lot of such personalities!! The fact that to her their idea about me is more important than what I really am hurts me!!
I did read this at the time but couldn't comment...I have to comment on this one as the others dont have "Reply"
I got a few questions though because I couldnt find your story,
Who broke up with who?
Has he been dating or do you think hes been dating?
How long were you together?
From me reading as a guy, I think you are in a fabulous pozition a.z....He definitely still likes you and think you could get him back at any time.
The fact that he has told you all of that stuff, but hasnt mentioned getting back together, Its kind of a guy thing and egotistical...Not him personally...but its in all of us men ha and yeah like dara said hiding his feelings. I definitely think you 2 can get together...its just whos going to be the one to mention it :)
He wants to get back together IMO but doesnt want to ask because he doesnt want to cave in basically (thats why id like to know who broke who etc)
Thats also why I think he is asking you so much about the dates and sex, because hes checking if hes going to lose you and testing your reactions to see if your feelings are still there..he doesnt want to ask you because you might say No....because youve been acting Cool and did NC etc so its got him wondering...
I would think next time if he asks if youve been on a date etc, you can do 1 of 2 things
a) Tell him youve been on one - it might kick his ass in gear to actually make the jump to ask you but could backfire
b) Tell him youve been asked to go on a date, but you are undecided on whether to go
I think b) is the winner personally...It lets him KNOW that you have other options, you said youve been on dates, but he doesnt know that....this will defintiely let him know that you CAN go on a date...but at same time by letting him know that you are undeicded, your not completely pushing him away..and it might give him the little nudge that I think he needs t actually mention getting back together
Thats my thoughts anyways :) but you are defintiely in a very good position!
Hope it helps x
Hey A.Z., sorry my friend!! I believe now you are in good shape and I hope things go well for you! Last night, I also did not have positive feelings about the whole thing!! Hopefully everything will be great again for we all!
A.Z.,
You know, I have a strong memory! Now, I remember your story!! What you did made your relation in some kind of jeopardy but to me it is not something that cannot be forgiven!! I think he is over-reacting!!
Well, I invited my girlfriend's friend to her B'day party to surprise her! I wanted to invited her close colleague friends to her B'day party! I asked my girlfriend who is her best colleague friend. She said Sherryl is her best friend and Sherryl is an ugly lesbian. I had met her before. I somehow found Sherryl's number and asked her if there is any close friend please invite her. She was really strange. She never replied my calls and only texted me back! Plus, sometime at night she would text me saying what's up? I would say good, how is B'day plan and I would get no response back!! Anyway, she did not come to B'day and as far as I know sent an email to everyone that I want to celebrate B'day for her colleague friend. I didn't want this. Whatsoever! Bday was over!! 3 weeks later my gf meets this Sherryl while we were together!! They had some talks together while I climbed went for hiking!! When I came back, she was cold to me!! As cold as ice! I expected a romantic evening, but my girlfriend said they both want to hangout! I was hurt!
I applied limited contact and she would reply me well but would not date me!! This was hurting!! Finally, she sent me an email that she want breakup!! I got mad and criticized her for being rude to me and mentioned whatever hurt me all those days!! I added that "I am teaching these point so that you learn to be good with you next boyfriend!!" She also went made and told me that she didn't like that I texted Sherryl at 1 a.m. I trully felt so bad!! Some mother fucker that I had invited for a B'day party and had cooked for had made such big lies about me!! I am still pissed off at that bitch!! Can't call her a bitch because bitches are more beautiful than her!!
I am amazed that my girlfriend never asked me about the validity of this story!! This one also hurts me!! Unfortunately, there are a lot of such personalities!! The fact that to her their idea about me is more important than what I really am hurts me!!
I did read this at the time but couldn't comment...I have to comment on this one as the others dont have "Reply"
I got a few questions though because I couldnt find your story,
Who broke up with who?
Has he been dating or do you think hes been dating?
How long were you together?
From me reading as a guy, I think you are in a fabulous pozition a.z....He definitely still likes you and think you could get him back at any time.
The fact that he has told you all of that stuff, but hasnt mentioned getting back together, Its kind of a guy thing and egotistical...Not him personally...but its in all of us men ha and yeah like dara said hiding his feelings. I definitely think you 2 can get together...its just whos going to be the one to mention it :)
He wants to get back together IMO but doesnt want to ask because he doesnt want to cave in basically (thats why id like to know who broke who etc)
Thats also why I think he is asking you so much about the dates and sex, because hes checking if hes going to lose you and testing your reactions to see if your feelings are still there..he doesnt want to ask you because you might say No....because youve been acting Cool and did NC etc so its got him wondering...
I would think next time if he asks if youve been on a date etc, you can do 1 of 2 things
a) Tell him youve been on one - it might kick his ass in gear to actually make the jump to ask you but could backfire
b) Tell him youve been asked to go on a date, but you are undecided on whether to go
I think b) is the winner personally...It lets him KNOW that you have other options, you said youve been on dates, but he doesnt know that....this will defintiely let him know that you CAN go on a date...but at same time by letting him know that you are undeicded, your not completely pushing him away..and it might give him the little nudge that I think he needs t actually mention getting back together
Thats my thoughts anyways :) but you are defintiely in a very good position!
Hope it helps x
Hey A.Z., sorry my friend!! I believe now you are in good shape and I hope things go well for you! Last night, I also did not have positive feelings about the whole thing!! Hopefully everything will be great again for we all!
A.Z.,
You know, I have a strong memory! Now, I remember your story!! What you did made your relation in some kind of jeopardy but to me it is not something that cannot be forgiven!! I think he is over-reacting!!
Well, I invited my girlfriend's friend to her B'day party to surprise her! I wanted to invited her close colleague friends to her B'day party! I asked my girlfriend who is her best colleague friend. She said Sherryl is her best friend and Sherryl is an ugly lesbian. I had met her before. I somehow found Sherryl's number and asked her if there is any close friend please invite her. She was really strange. She never replied my calls and only texted me back! Plus, sometime at night she would text me saying what's up? I would say good, how is B'day plan and I would get no response back!! Anyway, she did not come to B'day and as far as I know sent an email to everyone that I want to celebrate B'day for her colleague friend. I didn't want this. Whatsoever! Bday was over!! 3 weeks later my gf meets this Sherryl while we were together!! They had some talks together while I climbed went for hiking!! When I came back, she was cold to me!! As cold as ice! I expected a romantic evening, but my girlfriend said they both want to hangout! I was hurt!
I applied limited contact and she would reply me well but would not date me!! This was hurting!! Finally, she sent me an email that she want breakup!! I got mad and criticized her for being rude to me and mentioned whatever hurt me all those days!! I added that "I am teaching these point so that you learn to be good with you next boyfriend!!" She also went made and told me that she didn't like that I texted Sherryl at 1 a.m. I trully felt so bad!! Some mother fucker that I had invited for a B'day party and had cooked for had made such big lies about me!! I am still pissed off at that bitch!! Can't call her a bitch because bitches are more beautiful than her!!
I am amazed that my girlfriend never asked me about the validity of this story!! This one also hurts me!! Unfortunately, there are a lot of such personalities!! The fact that to her their idea about me is more important than what I really am hurts me!!
I did read this at the time but couldn't comment...I have to comment on this one as the others dont have "Reply"
I got a few questions though because I couldnt find your story,
Who broke up with who?
Has he been dating or do you think hes been dating?
How long were you together?
From me reading as a guy, I think you are in a fabulous pozition a.z....He definitely still likes you and think you could get him back at any time.
The fact that he has told you all of that stuff, but hasnt mentioned getting back together, Its kind of a guy thing and egotistical...Not him personally...but its in all of us men ha and yeah like dara said hiding his feelings. I definitely think you 2 can get together...its just whos going to be the one to mention it :)
He wants to get back together IMO but doesnt want to ask because he doesnt want to cave in basically (thats why id like to know who broke who etc)
Thats also why I think he is asking you so much about the dates and sex, because hes checking if hes going to lose you and testing your reactions to see if your feelings are still there..he doesnt want to ask you because you might say No....because youve been acting Cool and did NC etc so its got him wondering...
I would think next time if he asks if youve been on a date etc, you can do 1 of 2 things
a) Tell him youve been on one - it might kick his ass in gear to actually make the jump to ask you but could backfire
b) Tell him youve been asked to go on a date, but you are undecided on whether to go
I think b) is the winner personally...It lets him KNOW that you have other options, you said youve been on dates, but he doesnt know that....this will defintiely let him know that you CAN go on a date...but at same time by letting him know that you are undeicded, your not completely pushing him away..and it might give him the little nudge that I think he needs t actually mention getting back together
Thats my thoughts anyways :) but you are defintiely in a very good position!
Hope it helps x
Hey A.Z., sorry my friend!! I believe now you are in good shape and I hope things go well for you! Last night, I also did not have positive feelings about the whole thing!! Hopefully everything will be great again for we all!
A.Z.,
You know, I have a strong memory! Now, I remember your story!! What you did made your relation in some kind of jeopardy but to me it is not something that cannot be forgiven!! I think he is over-reacting!!
Well, I invited my girlfriend's friend to her B'day party to surprise her! I wanted to invited her close colleague friends to her B'day party! I asked my girlfriend who is her best colleague friend. She said Sherryl is her best friend and Sherryl is an ugly lesbian. I had met her before. I somehow found Sherryl's number and asked her if there is any close friend please invite her. She was really strange. She never replied my calls and only texted me back! Plus, sometime at night she would text me saying what's up? I would say good, how is B'day plan and I would get no response back!! Anyway, she did not come to B'day and as far as I know sent an email to everyone that I want to celebrate B'day for her colleague friend. I didn't want this. Whatsoever! Bday was over!! 3 weeks later my gf meets this Sherryl while we were together!! They had some talks together while I climbed went for hiking!! When I came back, she was cold to me!! As cold as ice! I expected a romantic evening, but my girlfriend said they both want to hangout! I was hurt!
I applied limited contact and she would reply me well but would not date me!! This was hurting!! Finally, she sent me an email that she want breakup!! I got mad and criticized her for being rude to me and mentioned whatever hurt me all those days!! I added that "I am teaching these point so that you learn to be good with you next boyfriend!!" She also went made and told me that she didn't like that I texted Sherryl at 1 a.m. I trully felt so bad!! Some mother fucker that I had invited for a B'day party and had cooked for had made such big lies about me!! I am still pissed off at that bitch!! Can't call her a bitch because bitches are more beautiful than her!!
I am amazed that my girlfriend never asked me about the validity of this story!! This one also hurts me!! Unfortunately, there are a lot of such personalities!! The fact that to her their idea about me is more important than what I really am hurts me!!
Thanks a.z and Dara :)
Much appreciated, Yesterday is over now and I got saved by my friend who asked if I wanted to go to Pub so that took ym mind off it all ha, then come back to find these messages and its much easier :)
I do realise she still has feelings because "friends" dont argue or over-react the way she did....Plus after the conversation ended yesterday which was about 5pm.. she emailed me last....btu was driving so i rang but no answer and that was end of conversation....no contact then at the end of the night (10:30pm) she sends me a "Night night x" txt which she has been doing consistently for the past week now, which i have only ever iniated once.
Today is Saturday and I do feel very confident, Like I said Social events etc and meeting face to face is my strong point. Maybe she could tell I still had feelings for her the last 2 times I met her...because it was only me and her and it was so soon....but tonight is going to be in a pub with few of my friends etc. So itll be a piece of cake for me :)
If she doesnt come...she doesnt come..im not bothered and think ive done really well to portray and tell her that its completely upto her if she comes or not.
Thanks a lot so much :) going to gym in a few minutes tog et pumped for tonight ;) and hearing both of your stories is a big help too.
I understand a lot of men easily! I can read them like a book....but women.....thats like rocket science to me!
x
dara,
hahaha no i'm not the devil,you see i'm still stuck in my old relationship and still couldn't get him back after almost 4 months.he says he loves me and that he misses me and he really over reacts on his emotions over me but he never asked me to get back.the other day while we were on a casual conversation.he asked if i had sex with someone ( this was his second time ),i said we shouldn't be talking about this,then he insisted and i said no but it's happening sooner or later.he said if he ever understands that i did this,he is never gonna talk to me again.and i was like meh whatever,i didn't but both of us will do it.he said he didn't have sex with anyone and he didn't meet a new girl since we broke up.he said he likes to be my boy friend but again didn't ask me to get back.crazy right? :))).i have been acting cool all the time.and i never acted needy.after we broke up i immediately went on NC for 33 days,then he contacted me, he was chasing me for a month,he was talking about his emotions for me,we met,he talked about his future and i was in it.then i went to another country, something happened,he got too mad at me and blocked me on FB .kevin told me to go on NC until he contacts me.after 10 days he unblocked me and send my friend a msg to greet my birthday.after 10 more days he contacted me saying he feels bad without me and added me on FB. and here i am at the first place :) .i don't want to act like i'm frustrated but these 2 days i have been thinking of moving on.i still love him but i'm kinda too tired to try to get back with him.
Thanks a.z and Dara :)
Much appreciated, Yesterday is over now and I got saved by my friend who asked if I wanted to go to Pub so that took ym mind off it all ha, then come back to find these messages and its much easier :)
I do realise she still has feelings because "friends" dont argue or over-react the way she did....Plus after the conversation ended yesterday which was about 5pm.. she emailed me last....btu was driving so i rang but no answer and that was end of conversation....no contact then at the end of the night (10:30pm) she sends me a "Night night x" txt which she has been doing consistently for the past week now, which i have only ever iniated once.
Today is Saturday and I do feel very confident, Like I said Social events etc and meeting face to face is my strong point. Maybe she could tell I still had feelings for her the last 2 times I met her...because it was only me and her and it was so soon....but tonight is going to be in a pub with few of my friends etc. So itll be a piece of cake for me :)
If she doesnt come...she doesnt come..im not bothered and think ive done really well to portray and tell her that its completely upto her if she comes or not.
Thanks a lot so much :) going to gym in a few minutes tog et pumped for tonight ;) and hearing both of your stories is a big help too.
I understand a lot of men easily! I can read them like a book....but women.....thats like rocket science to me!
x
dara,
hahaha no i'm not the devil,you see i'm still stuck in my old relationship and still couldn't get him back after almost 4 months.he says he loves me and that he misses me and he really over reacts on his emotions over me but he never asked me to get back.the other day while we were on a casual conversation.he asked if i had sex with someone ( this was his second time ),i said we shouldn't be talking about this,then he insisted and i said no but it's happening sooner or later.he said if he ever understands that i did this,he is never gonna talk to me again.and i was like meh whatever,i didn't but both of us will do it.he said he didn't have sex with anyone and he didn't meet a new girl since we broke up.he said he likes to be my boy friend but again didn't ask me to get back.crazy right? :))).i have been acting cool all the time.and i never acted needy.after we broke up i immediately went on NC for 33 days,then he contacted me, he was chasing me for a month,he was talking about his emotions for me,we met,he talked about his future and i was in it.then i went to another country, something happened,he got too mad at me and blocked me on FB .kevin told me to go on NC until he contacts me.after 10 days he unblocked me and send my friend a msg to greet my birthday.after 10 more days he contacted me saying he feels bad without me and added me on FB. and here i am at the first place :) .i don't want to act like i'm frustrated but these 2 days i have been thinking of moving on.i still love him but i'm kinda too tired to try to get back with him.
Thanks a.z and Dara :)
Much appreciated, Yesterday is over now and I got saved by my friend who asked if I wanted to go to Pub so that took ym mind off it all ha, then come back to find these messages and its much easier :)
I do realise she still has feelings because "friends" dont argue or over-react the way she did....Plus after the conversation ended yesterday which was about 5pm.. she emailed me last....btu was driving so i rang but no answer and that was end of conversation....no contact then at the end of the night (10:30pm) she sends me a "Night night x" txt which she has been doing consistently for the past week now, which i have only ever iniated once.
Today is Saturday and I do feel very confident, Like I said Social events etc and meeting face to face is my strong point. Maybe she could tell I still had feelings for her the last 2 times I met her...because it was only me and her and it was so soon....but tonight is going to be in a pub with few of my friends etc. So itll be a piece of cake for me :)
If she doesnt come...she doesnt come..im not bothered and think ive done really well to portray and tell her that its completely upto her if she comes or not.
Thanks a lot so much :) going to gym in a few minutes tog et pumped for tonight ;) and hearing both of your stories is a big help too.
I understand a lot of men easily! I can read them like a book....but women.....thats like rocket science to me!
x
dara,
hahaha no i'm not the devil,you see i'm still stuck in my old relationship and still couldn't get him back after almost 4 months.he says he loves me and that he misses me and he really over reacts on his emotions over me but he never asked me to get back.the other day while we were on a casual conversation.he asked if i had sex with someone ( this was his second time ),i said we shouldn't be talking about this,then he insisted and i said no but it's happening sooner or later.he said if he ever understands that i did this,he is never gonna talk to me again.and i was like meh whatever,i didn't but both of us will do it.he said he didn't have sex with anyone and he didn't meet a new girl since we broke up.he said he likes to be my boy friend but again didn't ask me to get back.crazy right? :))).i have been acting cool all the time.and i never acted needy.after we broke up i immediately went on NC for 33 days,then he contacted me, he was chasing me for a month,he was talking about his emotions for me,we met,he talked about his future and i was in it.then i went to another country, something happened,he got too mad at me and blocked me on FB .kevin told me to go on NC until he contacts me.after 10 days he unblocked me and send my friend a msg to greet my birthday.after 10 more days he contacted me saying he feels bad without me and added me on FB. and here i am at the first place :) .i don't want to act like i'm frustrated but these 2 days i have been thinking of moving on.i still love him but i'm kinda too tired to try to get back with him.
A. Z.,
Hey! My girl broke up with me because she no longer sees a future with me and is no longer in love. We were on and off but somehow I am trying to seek for other girls.
She found it out and was so mad. She keeps interrogating me but she is consistent she doesn't love me anymore.
I guess, she felt cheated. Amd I think her finding ouy about the other girl made jer so furious and pushed her away.
Why is that so? Does that mean that she is really no longer in love?
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
David!
You can learn a lot of things from her!! She is the devil (just kidding A.Z, I love your frankness and honesty in teaching stuff, thanks)!! I bet your girlfriend loves you and is just playing with you! Don't get jealous of her going for a festival! Think of it in positive manner!! She will miss you there!! She might think like, "I wish we were together her!!"
Just like A.Z., I also had relationships before and have some clue about these mind games both girls and boys play!! I want to give you an example my situation which might resemble somewhat your: Yesterday, a friend told me that she saw my girlfriend and he added that oh man your girlfriend a amazing by her looks! Day before yesterday a guy that I hardly know asked me about my girlfriend!
Both of the above thing made me freak out the moment I heard about it, but when I analyzed the situation, it was nothing bad! First, she had a breakup and her feelings are hurt. She is doing a lot of make up in these days and wearing her best clothes. This means that at this moment, there is no guy in her life! Maybe she wants to prove something! Secondly, maybe this strange guy, who is also really good looking want to date my ex but I know my ex girlfriend's criteria! This guy, easily out!!
David, you did it great till now! Just follow what A.Z. said above!! About dating others, it will keep her in a situation that she will regretting the breakup and maybe run back (with speed of sound) to you!!! This is human psychology!! LOL
A. Z.,
Hey! My girl broke up with me because she no longer sees a future with me and is no longer in love. We were on and off but somehow I am trying to seek for other girls.
She found it out and was so mad. She keeps interrogating me but she is consistent she doesn't love me anymore.
I guess, she felt cheated. Amd I think her finding ouy about the other girl made jer so furious and pushed her away.
Why is that so? Does that mean that she is really no longer in love?
A.Z.,
Thank you so much!! You are really a great source of inspiration!! My utmost appreciations!!
Probably my ex knew that I will be there! She should have seen the head-count list! At first, I was worried that my participation can be interpreted as clinginess and an approach towards her (after all it was a program organized by their office). However, since there are chances that her boss tell her that we had a lot of fun, it can be something positive for me! Probably on Monday or Tuesday!
There will be a similar but shorter and indoor gathering on coming Friday and Saturday. Will probably see her there! Alas, outdoor ones are much more effective!
I have also been thinking about your case A.Z. He probably loves you! To many guys sexual life of their loved ones is important! Probably he has some clue or guess that you might be dating. He also knows that every date does not mean sex but the idea makes him a bit uncomfortable. By the way, are you back to him or do you stay in the new town that you were supposed to be temporarily? There are chances that he will ask for comeback when you are physically back to the same town!
Thanks again!!
David!
You can learn a lot of things from her!! She is the devil (just kidding A.Z, I love your frankness and honesty in teaching stuff, thanks)!! I bet your girlfriend loves you and is just playing with you! Don't get jealous of her going for a festival! Think of it in positive manner!! She will miss you there!! She might think like, "I wish we were together her!!"
Just like A.Z., I also had relationships before and have some clue about these mind games both girls and boys play!! I want to give you an example my situation which might resemble somewhat your: Yesterday, a friend told me that she saw my girlfriend and he added that oh man your girlfriend a amazing by her looks! Day before yesterday a guy that I hardly know asked me about my girlfriend!
Both of the above thing made me freak out the moment I heard about it, but when I analyzed the situation, it was nothing bad! First, she had a breakup and her feelings are hurt. She is doing a lot of make up in these days and wearing her best clothes. This means that at this moment, there is no guy in her life! Maybe she wants to prove something! Secondly, maybe this strange guy, who is also really good looking want to date my ex but I know my ex girlfriend's criteria! This guy, easily out!!
David, you did it great till now! Just follow what A.Z. said above!! About dating others, it will keep her in a situation that she will regretting the breakup and maybe run back (with speed of sound) to you!!! This is human psychology!! LOL
A.Z,
I am truly a positive thinker! Yesterday, I was listing to the songs that we were listening together for the first time after the breakup. They effected my emotions for a while! I started my today with my own fun musics! Confident again, since there are chances that I see her today, I was thinking about the girls that I have been flirting with recently to push my ex away from the center of my brain! If things don't go smoothly for me, I will work on a plan B!! Life is more beautiful than wasting on regrets!! OMG!! I wished I could copy paste this instrumental display for you guys to listen! LOL :P
david,
i can say that she absolutely has feelings for you.i have been there before,when she over reacts on something about you this means she expects you to care more and be responsible about her.she hasn't asked to get back because she knows that you are still there and she knows shat you feel for her.i know you met her ac ouple of times before after you broke up,but she could sense that you still want her back.but don't worry about it from now on when you meet her be the way that you are with all of your other female friends.don't worry about the festival just wish her a nice time.she is not gonna move on over a week.and about your questions,no,you won't lose her if you talk to other girls.the most important thing is to put yourself before her. in fact using jealousy in a right way will make a backfire. i think if i was in her shoes i would be like what the heck????? what about his feelings for me? does he like that girl? is he gonna go out with her? what about if he falls for her? she doen't have to be sure if there is something between you but a little jelousy will help,i'm sure about it. one of the things that ryan teaches in the relationship rewind is to create scarcity and its in the second meeting which means that she get into a conclusion that she might be losing you forever,and your presence will be over cuz maybe you are attracted to someone else. you need to act like friends this time,try to have a nice time,make small conversations with her and again with all of your friends,avoid too much eye contacts,just be as cool as you can be.on the next meeting create scarcity and the third meeting should be a perfect date.your not gonna lose her if you talk to others,let me give you an example 3 years a go i personally broke up with a guy,he was begging me to get back although he did nothing wrong.and i told him i would never get back,he kept begging and crying for 3 weeks and i was just like NO.then he disappeared and about a week later i found that he is seeing another girl,i was like what the ...?? :O .and i contacted him ,asked him to come over my place.i apologized for whatever i did to him,told her i loved him and we got back together.so don't worry about anything even though she tells you she would never talk to you if you talk to another girl she will talk to you.just concentrate on your plan and be don't worry about anything.
Dear everyone,
Please help.. its been just 15 days since i started NC. After the breakup i went behind my guy begging him to cm bk. He just played with my feelings And stated another relationship through a dating website. But she's a foreigner. Still i thought i want him bk nd proceeded d nc. Day before yesterday my ex talked to me nd told how his life is misserable without me nd finally asked me out.. thats what i was waiting for i prayed god to bring him back.. i just gotta say yes and get into the relationship.. but now i feel like i dnt wnt him.. i hv no feelings for him.. i don't want a relationship with him.. why am i like this? :O
Hi dew,
I think that you have to continue NC as well to see if you really want to be with him. If you two are back together, try to play it cool and dont seem needy or insecure, good luck!
Thanks a.z and Edward. :-)
Thanks a.z and Edward. :-)
Thanks a.z and Edward. :-)
you are hurt from the breakup and these feelings are normal.you should continue NC as long as you feel this way.
Hi dew,
I think that you have to continue NC as well to see if you really want to be with him. If you two are back together, try to play it cool and dont seem needy or insecure, good luck!
you are hurt from the breakup and these feelings are normal.you should continue NC as long as you feel this way.
Hey guys, I was hoping you could give me some advice. My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. Our relationship lasted 15 months, and we never had an argument, like ever. Three weeks before breaking up with me he said he could see us being together for years, but when we broke up he said he just didn't love me anymore. The first month after the break up was pretty bad. One of the worst things was finding out he picked up a sex buddy two weeks after the break up. But after all that we decided to be friends. And were for the next two months. Then we left college for the summer and both went home (100s of miles away from each other) and that's when I found this site. I decided to start NC because I wanted him to want me as more than a friend again. At first he still texted me occasionally, and checked me tumblr page occasionally (I have a stealth counter). The last time he texted me he made comment about how I seemed much more positive and he was glad to see it, but that was more than a week ago and he hasn't texted me since, and hasn't checked my tumblr in two weeks. I feel like NC has only made him less interested in me. What do you guys think? Am I permanently friend zoned? :(
Hi Brittany,
I would continue with NC until you find happiness without him. He may still be thinking about you or may not. But by checking if he has checked your tumblr is just as obsessive as he is. The purpose of NC is to be happy for yourself and when you gain this confidence from within, you won't have to worry about him contacting you because you will be happy even without him, you can see your reasons clearly and if he is really the one you want to be with.
Thanks Edward. I am better off than that sounded though. I don't check it daily. And I honestly have been doing much better. I have also found someone else, who I do actually like, not as a rebound. The thing with that is basically no one I know approved because is 7 years older, and they may be right, I might not be prepared for that. So now I feel I have a decision to make, this new guy or continue on with the 5 step plan. In the long run my ex and I probably would have a better chance staying of together. But right now I'm not sure we even have a chance of getting back together. And I guess that's why I'm asking.
Well this guide recommends you to go on dates, if you are not sure your ex and you will be together, I don't see why not. Going on the date with a new guy will let you gain confidence and see if he is the right man for you, it will also allow you to see if you really want your ex back or not, good luck! Remember, happiness comes from within, do what you think feels right.
Well this guide recommends you to go on dates, if you are not sure your ex and you will be together, I don't see why not. Going on the date with a new guy will let you gain confidence and see if he is the right man for you, it will also allow you to see if you really want your ex back or not, good luck! Remember, happiness comes from within, do what you think feels right.
Well this guide recommends you to go on dates, if you are not sure your ex and you will be together, I don't see why not. Going on the date with a new guy will let you gain confidence and see if he is the right man for you, it will also allow you to see if you really want your ex back or not, good luck! Remember, happiness comes from within, do what you think feels right.
Well this guide recommends you to go on dates, if you are not sure your ex and you will be together, I don't see why not. Going on the date with a new guy will let you gain confidence and see if he is the right man for you, it will also allow you to see if you really want your ex back or not, good luck! Remember, happiness comes from within, do what you think feels right.
Thanks Edward. I am better off than that sounded though. I don't check it daily. And I honestly have been doing much better. I have also found someone else, who I do actually like, not as a rebound. The thing with that is basically no one I know approved because is 7 years older, and they may be right, I might not be prepared for that. So now I feel I have a decision to make, this new guy or continue on with the 5 step plan. In the long run my ex and I probably would have a better chance staying of together. But right now I'm not sure we even have a chance of getting back together. And I guess that's why I'm asking.
Thanks Edward. I am better off than that sounded though. I don't check it daily. And I honestly have been doing much better. I have also found someone else, who I do actually like, not as a rebound. The thing with that is basically no one I know approved because is 7 years older, and they may be right, I might not be prepared for that. So now I feel I have a decision to make, this new guy or continue on with the 5 step plan. In the long run my ex and I probably would have a better chance staying of together. But right now I'm not sure we even have a chance of getting back together. And I guess that's why I'm asking.
Hi Brittany,
I would continue with NC until you find happiness without him. He may still be thinking about you or may not. But by checking if he has checked your tumblr is just as obsessive as he is. The purpose of NC is to be happy for yourself and when you gain this confidence from within, you won't have to worry about him contacting you because you will be happy even without him, you can see your reasons clearly and if he is really the one you want to be with.
Hi all as you know I have started no contact again but I am feeling mixed emotions, Angry,sad,scared,frustrated. I feel like giving up I am so hopeless, She is probably going to be there always as a friend but I am worried that she might be moving on while I am stuck in the same position again. I always think too deep and negative about everything I feel as though she was my only happiness I had. Well I have got it planned will go no contact for a month or so and then drop her the text message something crazy just reminded me of you. Why couldn't things be so easy? I lost her before got her back and now lost her again. I haven't seen her in about 9 months I don't even know what I am to her a friend or just someone there when she needs me? I wish I could have someone to talk to but no one understands she is my first true love the other girls were a fling when we had problems. I am sorry for bothering everyone on here. I just feel as though if I completely lose her I wont have anyone in the future etc. I am too attached and worried I wont find anyone better than her :(
Hi Musa
So I have been following your posts over the last week or so and I just have to say you need to chill out and relax. If you haven't already sign up to Kevin's emails and follow them. Stick to his plan because right now you are not. Be cool like Fonzie is your best plan right.
Now I may be getting this wrong and this may come across as harsh, but I see in your post above you mention that you haven't seen your Ex for 9 months and yet you say that you are still friends. If this is the case, unless it is due to long distance reasons, then you have get a grip on reality and realise that you guys are not friends. I'm sorry but people who don't spend time together in a social/group setting for 9 months period are not friends. I'm not talking about spending one on one time together, but just spending time together with others doing things that you enjoy, whether that be watching a movie, playing sports, going to a party. 9 months of not seeing each other is not the basis for friendship.
Honestly I think you have to realise that you are at what relationship Rewind calls Death Door and the best thing you can do right now is back off from her. Think about it, according to what you are saying you are constantly sending her text messages after 9 months of not seeing each other that could come across as a little creepy. If I was you I would focus on having a good Ramadan and get yourself sorted out spiritually. After that then focus on reconnecting via text with the purpose of meeting her in a group/social setting to re-establish the friendship. Its not over, but if you continue to do what you have been doing then it will be
Give her some space and keep calm
Yes thank you all I don't know what I would do without the help of you lovely people much appreciated. I was going 26 days no contact until I wished her happy birthday so going no contact again. Just need her to miss me I remember a few months ago she would miss me saying hi and then I remember speaking on the phone few months back and she saying everything reminds me of you. I hope it's still like that. No contact it is! I will probably keep you all updated if I get any changes or updates.. Thank you all have a lovely day.
Yes thank you all I don't know what I would do without the help of you lovely people much appreciated. I was going 26 days no contact until I wished her happy birthday so going no contact again. Just need her to miss me I remember a few months ago she would miss me saying hi and then I remember speaking on the phone few months back and she saying everything reminds me of you. I hope it's still like that. No contact it is! I will probably keep you all updated if I get any changes or updates.. Thank you all have a lovely day.
Yes thank you all I don't know what I would do without the help of you lovely people much appreciated. I was going 26 days no contact until I wished her happy birthday so going no contact again. Just need her to miss me I remember a few months ago she would miss me saying hi and then I remember speaking on the phone few months back and she saying everything reminds me of you. I hope it's still like that. No contact it is! I will probably keep you all updated if I get any changes or updates.. Thank you all have a lovely day.
Hey Musa,
No contact is mainly for yourself, you have to feel happy without your ex, I know it's hard because it feels like you can't be happy without her. The truth is, you can, you just have to relax and clear your mind, and let go for a while. Use this time to improve yourself, I'm in NC myself. I still miss my ex, but I tell myself to be happy for myself and things will follow. Improve yourself, SHOW your ex you want her back, gain attraction, do things that benefit you, like workout or yoga or goals. Time will make everything feel better I promise, don't feel miserable all the time, your ex doesn't want to be with that kind of man, she wants a man with confidence. Good luck, have a positive attitude. =)
i agree with what edward suggested, except showing that you want her back part.i think she doesn't have to be sure that you want her back.and musa ,all of us are dealing with these feelings its not fair to yourself to be thinking like this every second in your life.i know it hurts so much when you think you might be losing your true love forever.but you need to stop it.as long as you do this to yourself you are making yourself weaker and weaker.you need to feel strong and happy during no contact so you can gain your confidence back.you should reach to a positive mindset i really hope that you get her back but even if you don't be sure that she is not gonna be your only love forever and you will find someone else that makes you happy again.its all hormones and memories that your attached to from the bliss time you had together.a part of your mind wants to stick to it and you can't let it go like this.again please read ryan river's relationship rewind it will make you feel really better.
i agree with what edward suggested, except showing that you want her back part.i think she doesn't have to be sure that you want her back.and musa ,all of us are dealing with these feelings its not fair to yourself to be thinking like this every second in your life.i know it hurts so much when you think you might be losing your true love forever.but you need to stop it.as long as you do this to yourself you are making yourself weaker and weaker.you need to feel strong and happy during no contact so you can gain your confidence back.you should reach to a positive mindset i really hope that you get her back but even if you don't be sure that she is not gonna be your only love forever and you will find someone else that makes you happy again.its all hormones and memories that your attached to from the bliss time you had together.a part of your mind wants to stick to it and you can't let it go like this.again please read ryan river's relationship rewind it will make you feel really better.
i agree with what edward suggested, except showing that you want her back part.i think she doesn't have to be sure that you want her back.and musa ,all of us are dealing with these feelings its not fair to yourself to be thinking like this every second in your life.i know it hurts so much when you think you might be losing your true love forever.but you need to stop it.as long as you do this to yourself you are making yourself weaker and weaker.you need to feel strong and happy during no contact so you can gain your confidence back.you should reach to a positive mindset i really hope that you get her back but even if you don't be sure that she is not gonna be your only love forever and you will find someone else that makes you happy again.its all hormones and memories that your attached to from the bliss time you had together.a part of your mind wants to stick to it and you can't let it go like this.again please read ryan river's relationship rewind it will make you feel really better.
Musa, reas relationship rewind. So you would understand that being in the friend zone ia not a bad thing but actually goos.
Hi Musa
So I have been following your posts over the last week or so and I just have to say you need to chill out and relax. If you haven't already sign up to Kevin's emails and follow them. Stick to his plan because right now you are not. Be cool like Fonzie is your best plan right.
Now I may be getting this wrong and this may come across as harsh, but I see in your post above you mention that you haven't seen your Ex for 9 months and yet you say that you are still friends. If this is the case, unless it is due to long distance reasons, then you have get a grip on reality and realise that you guys are not friends. I'm sorry but people who don't spend time together in a social/group setting for 9 months period are not friends. I'm not talking about spending one on one time together, but just spending time together with others doing things that you enjoy, whether that be watching a movie, playing sports, going to a party. 9 months of not seeing each other is not the basis for friendship.
Honestly I think you have to realise that you are at what relationship Rewind calls Death Door and the best thing you can do right now is back off from her. Think about it, according to what you are saying you are constantly sending her text messages after 9 months of not seeing each other that could come across as a little creepy. If I was you I would focus on having a good Ramadan and get yourself sorted out spiritually. After that then focus on reconnecting via text with the purpose of meeting her in a group/social setting to re-establish the friendship. Its not over, but if you continue to do what you have been doing then it will be
Give her some space and keep calm
Hey Musa,
No contact is mainly for yourself, you have to feel happy without your ex, I know it's hard because it feels like you can't be happy without her. The truth is, you can, you just have to relax and clear your mind, and let go for a while. Use this time to improve yourself, I'm in NC myself. I still miss my ex, but I tell myself to be happy for myself and things will follow. Improve yourself, SHOW your ex you want her back, gain attraction, do things that benefit you, like workout or yoga or goals. Time will make everything feel better I promise, don't feel miserable all the time, your ex doesn't want to be with that kind of man, she wants a man with confidence. Good luck, have a positive attitude. =)
Musa, reas relationship rewind. So you would understand that being in the friend zone ia not a bad thing but actually goos.
Hi, Guys and Kevin.
I just wanted to know how will I know if my ex wants me back when we are in NC period? Obviously, there will be no signs simply because I am on NC.
I survived the first week! Yeah!
Hey Raed,
It really depends on you and how you feel. If you are feeling confident and happy, I think you can continue to contact her. Whatever you do, don't feel upset if she rejects to hangout with you. You want to remove your neediness and remain cool. If you still can't and feel frustrated, I would recommend you to do NC again for 30 days again.
Edward,
Hey! I've just been on NC for two weeks. I am feeling so good! I missed her at times but I don't act on it because I already feel in control and it's never been this awesome.
I broke the NC of two weeks just because I feel fine and I want to wish her well and so I texted her.
I was wrong. The moment I texted her, I feel lime I am back to zero. Wanting to communicate again, staring at the phone for her response. Dragging the conversation on.
Just as I thought I am fine with the breakup so I contacted her, I regreted it. Because my feelings came rushing back.
I can feel I will be clingy again. I wished I never contacted her again after I did the NC :(
What now?
Thanks, man!
Hey RAED,
It's OK, right now, she is responding positively, that is a good thing. Dont regret your actions because what's done is done. You can improve by learning from your mistakes. But at this point, apply a little bit of NC to see if she initiates contact. If she wants to see you, then that should be a good thing. You know what you should do, it's all in you. Dont act needy, be cool, and most importantly FEEL happy. I can't emphasize how important it is to be happy. Your ex and everyone around you can really feel this energy when you are happy. It makes them feel happy because they see that you are. Good luck!
-Be Happy
Hey RAED,
I know how it feels waiting for her to text you back. You just want to know if she will hangout with you again. I've had times that I asked my ex to eat and she would reply "sure" and sometimes she would reply "sorry, busy". It's the second response that makes you feel down because it's not the answer your expect. And if she doesn't reply at all, you'll have the same feeling because you want her to reply.
I think you should stop expecting you want her to say because that's what's making you feel this way. After you asked her out, just do your own thing until she replies, even if it's a no, be cool about it, try again in a week. It's a lot easier said than done I know, because who likes to feel rejected? But if you think of it in a positive way, like maybe she's busy or not ready to see how awesome you are, you'll feel better =). The time of NC depends on you, how you feel, can you be happy without her? If not fully, then keep doing NC for a while until you don't need her, but you still want her. There is a difference and by continuing NC, you'll find out what the difference is!
Edward,
Hey man! I did the NC and i contacted her because i thought i am fine all by myself. But by the time i contacted her, i felt clingy again. Waiting for her reply.
I hated myself a d i regretted contacting her. I feel lime im back to square one. I want to do NC again but she is responding positively to me. So i don't know how to cut it off again.
I felt i lost my momentum :(
Edward,
Hey man! I did the NC and i contacted her because i thought i am fine all by myself. But by the time i contacted her, i felt clingy again. Waiting for her reply.
I hated myself a d i regretted contacting her. I feel lime im back to square one. I want to do NC again but she is responding positively to me. So i don't know how to cut it off again.
I felt i lost my momentum :(
Edward,
Hey man! I did the NC and i contacted her because i thought i am fine all by myself. But by the time i contacted her, i felt clingy again. Waiting for her reply.
I hated myself a d i regretted contacting her. I feel lime im back to square one. I want to do NC again but she is responding positively to me. So i don't know how to cut it off again.
I felt i lost my momentum :(
Edward,
Hey man! I did the NC and i contacted her because i thought i am fine all by myself. But by the time i contacted her, i felt clingy again. Waiting for her reply.
I hated myself a d i regretted contacting her. I feel lime im back to square one. I want to do NC again but she is responding positively to me. So i don't know how to cut it off again.
I felt i lost my momentum :(
Edward,
Hey man! I did the NC and i contacted her because i thought i am fine all by myself. But by the time i contacted her, i felt clingy again. Waiting for her reply.
I hated myself a d i regretted contacting her. I feel lime im back to square one. I want to do NC again but she is responding positively to me. So i don't know how to cut it off again.
I felt i lost my momentum :(
Raed, just continue NC. Nothing else you can do right now but hope for the best. Stay strong and dont get tired like me. I got tired of the pain and stress ofcourse i love her but i learned to love myslef first more than anything. I learned it here. Imagine doing NC, bettering yourself, suppressing the sadness its torture. We all knkw that trying to be happy is not agtainable in 30days. And when you try to reach out youre not certain of how she will react or maybe wont react at all. Clinging to false hope only, thats why its better to give up early rather than holding on for too long. Thr world is still full of possibilities. As kevin said in his email. Have an abundance mindset.
Just look at it this way, SHE SET YOU FREE. So now you can see what the world has to offer for you. Would you really choose your ex over a number of other choices?
Whatever you do. Goodluck! I wish you the best and pray for your happiness. :)
Daniel,
Hey man. So you really are about to move on?
I did the NC and I felt self-sufficient then I made a mistake of texting her. Tbh, I am somehow hopong for a reply. I stare and wait for my phone to light up. I regretted cpntacting her because it feels like I am back tp square one just as I thought I am fine by myself already.
She is responding to my messages but somehow she is indifferent and standoff-ish. I don't know if she got mad when I did tje NC for 2wls because I just suddenly did not contact her. I want to do the NC again but I am afraid that it's been two months already and i can feel that she is drifting away or maybe i am just overthinking
Daniel,
Hey man. So you really are about to move on?
I did the NC and I felt self-sufficient then I made a mistake of texting her. Tbh, I am somehow hopong for a reply. I stare and wait for my phone to light up. I regretted cpntacting her because it feels like I am back tp square one just as I thought I am fine by myself already.
She is responding to my messages but somehow she is indifferent and standoff-ish. I don't know if she got mad when I did tje NC for 2wls because I just suddenly did not contact her. I want to do the NC again but I am afraid that it's been two months already and i can feel that she is drifting away or maybe i am just overthinking
Daniel,
Hey man. So you really are about to move on?
I did the NC and I felt self-sufficient then I made a mistake of texting her. Tbh, I am somehow hopong for a reply. I stare and wait for my phone to light up. I regretted cpntacting her because it feels like I am back tp square one just as I thought I am fine by myself already.
She is responding to my messages but somehow she is indifferent and standoff-ish. I don't know if she got mad when I did tje NC for 2wls because I just suddenly did not contact her. I want to do the NC again but I am afraid that it's been two months already and i can feel that she is drifting away or maybe i am just overthinking
Daniel,
Hey man. So you really are about to move on?
I did the NC and I felt self-sufficient then I made a mistake of texting her. Tbh, I am somehow hopong for a reply. I stare and wait for my phone to light up. I regretted cpntacting her because it feels like I am back tp square one just as I thought I am fine by myself already.
She is responding to my messages but somehow she is indifferent and standoff-ish. I don't know if she got mad when I did tje NC for 2wls because I just suddenly did not contact her. I want to do the NC again but I am afraid that it's been two months already and i can feel that she is drifting away or maybe i am just overthinking
Daniel,
Hey man. So you really are about to move on?
I did the NC and I felt self-sufficient then I made a mistake of texting her. Tbh, I am somehow hopong for a reply. I stare and wait for my phone to light up. I regretted cpntacting her because it feels like I am back tp square one just as I thought I am fine by myself already.
She is responding to my messages but somehow she is indifferent and standoff-ish. I don't know if she got mad when I did tje NC for 2wls because I just suddenly did not contact her. I want to do the NC again but I am afraid that it's been two months already and i can feel that she is drifting away or maybe i am just overthinking
Hey RAED,
It's OK, right now, she is responding positively, that is a good thing. Dont regret your actions because what's done is done. You can improve by learning from your mistakes. But at this point, apply a little bit of NC to see if she initiates contact. If she wants to see you, then that should be a good thing. You know what you should do, it's all in you. Dont act needy, be cool, and most importantly FEEL happy. I can't emphasize how important it is to be happy. Your ex and everyone around you can really feel this energy when you are happy. It makes them feel happy because they see that you are. Good luck!
-Be Happy
Hey RAED,
I know how it feels waiting for her to text you back. You just want to know if she will hangout with you again. I've had times that I asked my ex to eat and she would reply "sure" and sometimes she would reply "sorry, busy". It's the second response that makes you feel down because it's not the answer your expect. And if she doesn't reply at all, you'll have the same feeling because you want her to reply.
I think you should stop expecting you want her to say because that's what's making you feel this way. After you asked her out, just do your own thing until she replies, even if it's a no, be cool about it, try again in a week. It's a lot easier said than done I know, because who likes to feel rejected? But if you think of it in a positive way, like maybe she's busy or not ready to see how awesome you are, you'll feel better =). The time of NC depends on you, how you feel, can you be happy without her? If not fully, then keep doing NC for a while until you don't need her, but you still want her. There is a difference and by continuing NC, you'll find out what the difference is!
Raed, just continue NC. Nothing else you can do right now but hope for the best. Stay strong and dont get tired like me. I got tired of the pain and stress ofcourse i love her but i learned to love myslef first more than anything. I learned it here. Imagine doing NC, bettering yourself, suppressing the sadness its torture. We all knkw that trying to be happy is not agtainable in 30days. And when you try to reach out youre not certain of how she will react or maybe wont react at all. Clinging to false hope only, thats why its better to give up early rather than holding on for too long. Thr world is still full of possibilities. As kevin said in his email. Have an abundance mindset.
Just look at it this way, SHE SET YOU FREE. So now you can see what the world has to offer for you. Would you really choose your ex over a number of other choices?
Whatever you do. Goodluck! I wish you the best and pray for your happiness. :)
Hey RAED,
It's OK, right now, she is responding positively, that is a good thing. Dont regret your actions because what's done is done. You can improve by learning from your mistakes. But at this point, apply a little bit of NC to see if she initiates contact. If she wants to see you, then that should be a good thing. You know what you should do, it's all in you. Dont act needy, be cool, and most importantly FEEL happy. I can't emphasize how important it is to be happy. Your ex and everyone around you can really feel this energy when you are happy. It makes them feel happy because they see that you are. Good luck!
-Be Happy
Hey RAED,
I know how it feels waiting for her to text you back. You just want to know if she will hangout with you again. I've had times that I asked my ex to eat and she would reply "sure" and sometimes she would reply "sorry, busy". It's the second response that makes you feel down because it's not the answer your expect. And if she doesn't reply at all, you'll have the same feeling because you want her to reply.
I think you should stop expecting you want her to say because that's what's making you feel this way. After you asked her out, just do your own thing until she replies, even if it's a no, be cool about it, try again in a week. It's a lot easier said than done I know, because who likes to feel rejected? But if you think of it in a positive way, like maybe she's busy or not ready to see how awesome you are, you'll feel better =). The time of NC depends on you, how you feel, can you be happy without her? If not fully, then keep doing NC for a while until you don't need her, but you still want her. There is a difference and by continuing NC, you'll find out what the difference is!
Raed, just continue NC. Nothing else you can do right now but hope for the best. Stay strong and dont get tired like me. I got tired of the pain and stress ofcourse i love her but i learned to love myslef first more than anything. I learned it here. Imagine doing NC, bettering yourself, suppressing the sadness its torture. We all knkw that trying to be happy is not agtainable in 30days. And when you try to reach out youre not certain of how she will react or maybe wont react at all. Clinging to false hope only, thats why its better to give up early rather than holding on for too long. Thr world is still full of possibilities. As kevin said in his email. Have an abundance mindset.
Just look at it this way, SHE SET YOU FREE. So now you can see what the world has to offer for you. Would you really choose your ex over a number of other choices?
Whatever you do. Goodluck! I wish you the best and pray for your happiness. :)
Hey RAED,
It's OK, right now, she is responding positively, that is a good thing. Dont regret your actions because what's done is done. You can improve by learning from your mistakes. But at this point, apply a little bit of NC to see if she initiates contact. If she wants to see you, then that should be a good thing. You know what you should do, it's all in you. Dont act needy, be cool, and most importantly FEEL happy. I can't emphasize how important it is to be happy. Your ex and everyone around you can really feel this energy when you are happy. It makes them feel happy because they see that you are. Good luck!
-Be Happy
Hey RAED,
I know how it feels waiting for her to text you back. You just want to know if she will hangout with you again. I've had times that I asked my ex to eat and she would reply "sure" and sometimes she would reply "sorry, busy". It's the second response that makes you feel down because it's not the answer your expect. And if she doesn't reply at all, you'll have the same feeling because you want her to reply.
I think you should stop expecting you want her to say because that's what's making you feel this way. After you asked her out, just do your own thing until she replies, even if it's a no, be cool about it, try again in a week. It's a lot easier said than done I know, because who likes to feel rejected? But if you think of it in a positive way, like maybe she's busy or not ready to see how awesome you are, you'll feel better =). The time of NC depends on you, how you feel, can you be happy without her? If not fully, then keep doing NC for a while until you don't need her, but you still want her. There is a difference and by continuing NC, you'll find out what the difference is!
Raed, just continue NC. Nothing else you can do right now but hope for the best. Stay strong and dont get tired like me. I got tired of the pain and stress ofcourse i love her but i learned to love myslef first more than anything. I learned it here. Imagine doing NC, bettering yourself, suppressing the sadness its torture. We all knkw that trying to be happy is not agtainable in 30days. And when you try to reach out youre not certain of how she will react or maybe wont react at all. Clinging to false hope only, thats why its better to give up early rather than holding on for too long. Thr world is still full of possibilities. As kevin said in his email. Have an abundance mindset.
Just look at it this way, SHE SET YOU FREE. So now you can see what the world has to offer for you. Would you really choose your ex over a number of other choices?
Whatever you do. Goodluck! I wish you the best and pray for your happiness. :)
Edward,
Hey! I've just been on NC for two weeks. I am feeling so good! I missed her at times but I don't act on it because I already feel in control and it's never been this awesome.
I broke the NC of two weeks just because I feel fine and I want to wish her well and so I texted her.
I was wrong. The moment I texted her, I feel lime I am back to zero. Wanting to communicate again, staring at the phone for her response. Dragging the conversation on.
Just as I thought I am fine with the breakup so I contacted her, I regreted it. Because my feelings came rushing back.
I can feel I will be clingy again. I wished I never contacted her again after I did the NC :(
What now?
Thanks, man!
Edward,
Hey! I've just been on NC for two weeks. I am feeling so good! I missed her at times but I don't act on it because I already feel in control and it's never been this awesome.
I broke the NC of two weeks just because I feel fine and I want to wish her well and so I texted her.
I was wrong. The moment I texted her, I feel lime I am back to zero. Wanting to communicate again, staring at the phone for her response. Dragging the conversation on.
Just as I thought I am fine with the breakup so I contacted her, I regreted it. Because my feelings came rushing back.
I can feel I will be clingy again. I wished I never contacted her again after I did the NC :(
What now?
Thanks, man!
Raed,
Nothing can really tell unless she comes running back at you. Congrats on your dirst week! Btw im curious. How old are you?
Daniel,
I guess I would have to wait for how long she will come running back or not lol. I'm 22, why ask?
Im also 22. You know man. I know this is about gwtting back your ex. But have you considered moving on?
I decides to move on and just late fate take its course. If wee meet again then maybe we really are meant. You are still young you have a lot ahead of you. you will still meet a lot of new people. Im just saying that there are still a lot of possibities and opportunities. Ask yourself now. What do you want more? Get her back or get rid of the pain?
Daniel,
Of course, I want to get rid of the pain more than I want her back! I'm slowly 'sort of' getting over her. She might not love me anymore but I am sure she will not be able to move on that fast.
I am doing the NC for a week and then I failed because I contacted her. She responded positively. What dp you think?
For now, I want both: get her back and get rid of the pain. It's hard to decide but I am telling myself I'll just empty out what I feel for her and when I got so tired of this while thing, I can walk away without regrets because I know I tried.
Thanks, man!
Daniel,
Of course, I want to get rid of the pain more than I want her back! I'm slowly 'sort of' getting over her. She might not love me anymore but I am sure she will not be able to move on that fast.
I am doing the NC for a week and then I failed because I contacted her. She responded positively. What dp you think?
For now, I want both: get her back and get rid of the pain. It's hard to decide but I am telling myself I'll just empty out what I feel for her and when I got so tired of this while thing, I can walk away without regrets because I know I tried.
Thanks, man!
Daniel,
Of course, I want to get rid of the pain more than I want her back! I'm slowly 'sort of' getting over her. She might not love me anymore but I am sure she will not be able to move on that fast.
I am doing the NC for a week and then I failed because I contacted her. She responded positively. What dp you think?
For now, I want both: get her back and get rid of the pain. It's hard to decide but I am telling myself I'll just empty out what I feel for her and when I got so tired of this while thing, I can walk away without regrets because I know I tried.
Thanks, man!
Daniel,
Of course, I want to get rid of the pain more than I want her back! I'm slowly 'sort of' getting over her. She might not love me anymore but I am sure she will not be able to move on that fast.
I am doing the NC for a week and then I failed because I contacted her. She responded positively. What dp you think?
For now, I want both: get her back and get rid of the pain. It's hard to decide but I am telling myself I'll just empty out what I feel for her and when I got so tired of this while thing, I can walk away without regrets because I know I tried.
Thanks, man!
Daniel,
Of course, I want to get rid of the pain more than I want her back! I'm slowly 'sort of' getting over her. She might not love me anymore but I am sure she will not be able to move on that fast.
I am doing the NC for a week and then I failed because I contacted her. She responded positively. What dp you think?
For now, I want both: get her back and get rid of the pain. It's hard to decide but I am telling myself I'll just empty out what I feel for her and when I got so tired of this while thing, I can walk away without regrets because I know I tried.
Thanks, man!
Im also 22. You know man. I know this is about gwtting back your ex. But have you considered moving on?
I decides to move on and just late fate take its course. If wee meet again then maybe we really are meant. You are still young you have a lot ahead of you. you will still meet a lot of new people. Im just saying that there are still a lot of possibities and opportunities. Ask yourself now. What do you want more? Get her back or get rid of the pain?
Im also 22. You know man. I know this is about gwtting back your ex. But have you considered moving on?
I decides to move on and just late fate take its course. If wee meet again then maybe we really are meant. You are still young you have a lot ahead of you. you will still meet a lot of new people. Im just saying that there are still a lot of possibities and opportunities. Ask yourself now. What do you want more? Get her back or get rid of the pain?
Im also 22. You know man. I know this is about gwtting back your ex. But have you considered moving on?
I decides to move on and just late fate take its course. If wee meet again then maybe we really are meant. You are still young you have a lot ahead of you. you will still meet a lot of new people. Im just saying that there are still a lot of possibities and opportunities. Ask yourself now. What do you want more? Get her back or get rid of the pain?
Daniel,
I guess I would have to wait for how long she will come running back or not lol. I'm 22, why ask?
Daniel,
I guess I would have to wait for how long she will come running back or not lol. I'm 22, why ask?
Hey Raed,
It really depends on you and how you feel. If you are feeling confident and happy, I think you can continue to contact her. Whatever you do, don't feel upset if she rejects to hangout with you. You want to remove your neediness and remain cool. If you still can't and feel frustrated, I would recommend you to do NC again for 30 days again.
Raed,
Nothing can really tell unless she comes running back at you. Congrats on your dirst week! Btw im curious. How old are you?
Hey All,
Just giving you an update, things didnt go as planned but I THINK it still went well!
So the Saturday night, she didnt come out as said she had headache and that, but that didnt bother me as It was a great night out anywyas. We were texting each other a bit on the night and she asked me to send her a photo of what I was wearing, she said I looked "Hot" and that my body looks good too in the pics ;)....she also sent me a text on the night saying "night night x"
So today we all went for breakfast and she was maybe going to join us (not for me, but to see the other friends), but then again didnt as she said she looked horrible...but wanted to meet me AFTER I had finished with my friends....no idea why as there wasnt any reason for us to meet basically...so she actually initiated this and proposed to meet.
The weird thing about all ofthis was, she was only coming out on the Saturday or for breakfast was not to see me, but to see all of the other mutual friends...So for her to NOT meet them but still want to meet up with me....Im thinking thats good progress? ha
Anyways, I txt her letting her know and then she suggested we go do something, we just chilled in the sun for 2 hours and then grabbed some chips...then when we were leaving she asked for a cuddle and just like the first time we met after brief NC, the hug lasted a good 30 secs or more...she also said she will buy me my food next time as I paid her chips coz she had no money....so indicating a another meet up
My only mistake I think was saying "I love cuddles" whilst cuddling her haha, I think maybe i should be a bit more "aloof" at the moment, so she kinda feels like she is losing me as tbh i dont think she does atm im not needy..but im still easily there if you get me? PLus she goes to the festival On Tuesday...so I wont speak to her unless she speaks to me
So all in all, Im feeling great and just hope im on the right tracks!...she has mentioned getting a house(mortage) etc very shortly...but not with me ha
David,
Wow man! How'd you do that?! As I can see everything is so positive. Considering she is the one to initiate and give you hints. You're on your way to gerting back together but still control yourself. Don't fully indulge yet for you might seem pushy. Treat her as a new girl so that you could somehow keep your hands off her.
Anyway, I just wanna ask. I am on NC for 2weeks, and I failed. I texted her. I can say that somehow her response is positive but I don't know if she missed me pr is being friendly, what do you think?
Just to give you an example...my ex I saw yesterday...shes taling about getting an house - without me ha, see my posts from yesterday :)
Anyways, Today she messaged me in the morning, which I didnt text back to coz she was going to email me, She emailed me the Website and had a very vague conversation. She is asking me what I think of it etc...I just sent some plain answers because tbh...its KILLING ME! ha...I dont want to tell her to get a house etc without me when I actually want 1 with her!!
Anyways the last 2 messages, she asked me what area I think is good, I just told her I havent thought about it...and her next email to me was a 1 word jokin insult with a x
Im not going to reply to that now...its kinda of dead conversation and Will leave it..she can strike it up again if she wants to...if not...shes at a festival all week now
Fingers crossed. but it is hard!
David,
Wow! I haven't thought about that for a long time. Tbh, I always try to drag the conversation on. I see you have a point of just letting it die naturally! Thanks haha!
Btw, I don't know your story, who break up with whom and why?
Thanks, David! I wish you luck, man!
thank you so so much guys :) .and dara we are all in kind of a same situaitions. its just the time but we are having the same process.i'm sure this will happen to you soon.and i wish you the best on the indoor meeting this week.i have a feeling that all of us are gonna be fine :)
A.Z.,
That's great!! I told you that he loves you!! You already know what to do, but don't overdo it!! LOL
About my case, yes, I know that I have also hurt her. As I already mentioned, I had taken her for granted in the beginning and I am so sorry about it. Also, she was on and off, I retaliated once in a while (couldn't keep cool)! Something went wrong with me as well! I admit it!
Anyway, good for you! Good luck for the next level! :)
A.z
That sounds amazing :). Like you said he sounded very happy, it all sounds good!
I know if I was the guy in that situation it would sound very good and would be thinking "right this is my chance now :)"...Im pretty sure when you hit the city some sparks will fly ;) ha x
Dara,
i think the reason that someone goes hot and cold is because that they are are hurt from something and can't handle their emotions well.and i think thats not a bad sign cuz they are not indifferent.i wish all of us the best.and what you guys told me about me overacting and playing mind games and pushing him away,i just called him :D i could sense that he was happy for the call.i told him that i have finally become a dentist and got my degree.he acted so happy and asked if i'm done here. i said yes and maybe i go back to the country next week.he got so excited and asked me to call him when i arrive.i didn't ask him anything about these days that he hasn't been available,but he explained that he has been out of the city for a couple of days for work and that there is no internet signal there and he will try his best to get back by the time i'm there.then we said the funny things we used to say that days and it was a funny short conversation.i'm feeling better now.
David,
You know your situation better than anyone else. This is true with a.z. and myself. To describe the whole situation we might need weeks to write here and still not get to the point has been the root of the problem. I did not know that were friends before. That makes it a bit more complicated and I have no experience in that case but I still feel that she likes you and once intimacy happens it cannot be undone.
a.z.,
I truly understand you. I believe my ex girlfriend's attempts to be hurting were semi-conscious and usually based on emotions. Though it made me mad at that point (especially that first days that I encountered it) but I gradually made a conclusion that she is not fully involved in it. But I had to do something about it and I truly believe that this breakup and NC was for the best. Probably she needed this time to get off most of her negative emotions about me. Plus my reactions had also gone out of control in many cases! I also needed some time to think logically about her unconventional change of mood.
I wished I could bring out some examples but they will fill up this site. LOL
You know NC gets tougher towards the end probably because you want to see the outcome.
Thanks guys for the update! Its great to be here reading your comments!
Haha, I mean everyone is different, i mean my approach may not even work for me tbh but im hoping it does :)
Well Long story short we argued quite a lot which was mainly coz we both felt so strongly for each other ha, and petty arguments, we also split quite a lot for like 1-2 weeks etc
But this final time was because we were arguing, it was definitely my fault on this occasion. We were still together, but she was so upset, when I got home after argument, 1 hour later she sent me a nasty text and I was still angry at the argument and just basically acted out of haste and sent her a text saying I cant do it anymore etc So I ended it...but we still spoke a week later and then I noticed she suddenly went cold on me....Then I started chasing her.
So far shes refused all of my attempts obviously, told me she needed time etc, that she cant give me 100% anymore, it doesnt feel right etc
We both 25, 26 in 2 months
hey david and dara,
thank you very much guys,i'm so glad to have you in this situation.you guys are right i kinda played too much mind games but it wasn't like that i did it on purpose.every time he says something i automatically don't want to be needy and i makes me say those things out of nowhere.but he definitely knows that i love him.before i came here we met,he started crying from the first minute he saw me and said how much he loved me,that night i also cried,it was too hard to control myself because it was the first time that we met after the break up.and he knows that if i have no feelings for an ex i won't be talking to him.but i will do what u said from now on.its almost a week that we are not in touch.and he hasn't been online on any social media.let's see if he'll contact me or not.
thank you guys x
thank you so so much guys :) .and dara we are all in kind of a same situaitions. its just the time but we are having the same process.i'm sure this will happen to you soon.and i wish you the best on the indoor meeting this week.i have a feeling that all of us are gonna be fine :)
A.Z.,
That's great!! I told you that he loves you!! You already know what to do, but don't overdo it!! LOL
About my case, yes, I know that I have also hurt her. As I already mentioned, I had taken her for granted in the beginning and I am so sorry about it. Also, she was on and off, I retaliated once in a while (couldn't keep cool)! Something went wrong with me as well! I admit it!
Anyway, good for you! Good luck for the next level! :)
A.z
That sounds amazing :). Like you said he sounded very happy, it all sounds good!
I know if I was the guy in that situation it would sound very good and would be thinking "right this is my chance now :)"...Im pretty sure when you hit the city some sparks will fly ;) ha x
Dara,
i think the reason that someone goes hot and cold is because that they are are hurt from something and can't handle their emotions well.and i think thats not a bad sign cuz they are not indifferent.i wish all of us the best.and what you guys told me about me overacting and playing mind games and pushing him away,i just called him :D i could sense that he was happy for the call.i told him that i have finally become a dentist and got my degree.he acted so happy and asked if i'm done here. i said yes and maybe i go back to the country next week.he got so excited and asked me to call him when i arrive.i didn't ask him anything about these days that he hasn't been available,but he explained that he has been out of the city for a couple of days for work and that there is no internet signal there and he will try his best to get back by the time i'm there.then we said the funny things we used to say that days and it was a funny short conversation.i'm feeling better now.
David,
You know your situation better than anyone else. This is true with a.z. and myself. To describe the whole situation we might need weeks to write here and still not get to the point has been the root of the problem. I did not know that were friends before. That makes it a bit more complicated and I have no experience in that case but I still feel that she likes you and once intimacy happens it cannot be undone.
a.z.,
I truly understand you. I believe my ex girlfriend's attempts to be hurting were semi-conscious and usually based on emotions. Though it made me mad at that point (especially that first days that I encountered it) but I gradually made a conclusion that she is not fully involved in it. But I had to do something about it and I truly believe that this breakup and NC was for the best. Probably she needed this time to get off most of her negative emotions about me. Plus my reactions had also gone out of control in many cases! I also needed some time to think logically about her unconventional change of mood.
I wished I could bring out some examples but they will fill up this site. LOL
You know NC gets tougher towards the end probably because you want to see the outcome.
Thanks guys for the update! Its great to be here reading your comments!
Haha, I mean everyone is different, i mean my approach may not even work for me tbh but im hoping it does :)
Well Long story short we argued quite a lot which was mainly coz we both felt so strongly for each other ha, and petty arguments, we also split quite a lot for like 1-2 weeks etc
But this final time was because we were arguing, it was definitely my fault on this occasion. We were still together, but she was so upset, when I got home after argument, 1 hour later she sent me a nasty text and I was still angry at the argument and just basically acted out of haste and sent her a text saying I cant do it anymore etc So I ended it...but we still spoke a week later and then I noticed she suddenly went cold on me....Then I started chasing her.
So far shes refused all of my attempts obviously, told me she needed time etc, that she cant give me 100% anymore, it doesnt feel right etc
We both 25, 26 in 2 months
hey david and dara,
thank you very much guys,i'm so glad to have you in this situation.you guys are right i kinda played too much mind games but it wasn't like that i did it on purpose.every time he says something i automatically don't want to be needy and i makes me say those things out of nowhere.but he definitely knows that i love him.before i came here we met,he started crying from the first minute he saw me and said how much he loved me,that night i also cried,it was too hard to control myself because it was the first time that we met after the break up.and he knows that if i have no feelings for an ex i won't be talking to him.but i will do what u said from now on.its almost a week that we are not in touch.and he hasn't been online on any social media.let's see if he'll contact me or not.
thank you guys x
thank you so so much guys :) .and dara we are all in kind of a same situaitions. its just the time but we are having the same process.i'm sure this will happen to you soon.and i wish you the best on the indoor meeting this week.i have a feeling that all of us are gonna be fine :)
A.Z.,
That's great!! I told you that he loves you!! You already know what to do, but don't overdo it!! LOL
About my case, yes, I know that I have also hurt her. As I already mentioned, I had taken her for granted in the beginning and I am so sorry about it. Also, she was on and off, I retaliated once in a while (couldn't keep cool)! Something went wrong with me as well! I admit it!
Anyway, good for you! Good luck for the next level! :)
A.z
That sounds amazing :). Like you said he sounded very happy, it all sounds good!
I know if I was the guy in that situation it would sound very good and would be thinking "right this is my chance now :)"...Im pretty sure when you hit the city some sparks will fly ;) ha x
Dara,
i think the reason that someone goes hot and cold is because that they are are hurt from something and can't handle their emotions well.and i think thats not a bad sign cuz they are not indifferent.i wish all of us the best.and what you guys told me about me overacting and playing mind games and pushing him away,i just called him :D i could sense that he was happy for the call.i told him that i have finally become a dentist and got my degree.he acted so happy and asked if i'm done here. i said yes and maybe i go back to the country next week.he got so excited and asked me to call him when i arrive.i didn't ask him anything about these days that he hasn't been available,but he explained that he has been out of the city for a couple of days for work and that there is no internet signal there and he will try his best to get back by the time i'm there.then we said the funny things we used to say that days and it was a funny short conversation.i'm feeling better now.
David,
You know your situation better than anyone else. This is true with a.z. and myself. To describe the whole situation we might need weeks to write here and still not get to the point has been the root of the problem. I did not know that were friends before. That makes it a bit more complicated and I have no experience in that case but I still feel that she likes you and once intimacy happens it cannot be undone.
a.z.,
I truly understand you. I believe my ex girlfriend's attempts to be hurting were semi-conscious and usually based on emotions. Though it made me mad at that point (especially that first days that I encountered it) but I gradually made a conclusion that she is not fully involved in it. But I had to do something about it and I truly believe that this breakup and NC was for the best. Probably she needed this time to get off most of her negative emotions about me. Plus my reactions had also gone out of control in many cases! I also needed some time to think logically about her unconventional change of mood.
I wished I could bring out some examples but they will fill up this site. LOL
You know NC gets tougher towards the end probably because you want to see the outcome.
Thanks guys for the update! Its great to be here reading your comments!
Haha, I mean everyone is different, i mean my approach may not even work for me tbh but im hoping it does :)
Well Long story short we argued quite a lot which was mainly coz we both felt so strongly for each other ha, and petty arguments, we also split quite a lot for like 1-2 weeks etc
But this final time was because we were arguing, it was definitely my fault on this occasion. We were still together, but she was so upset, when I got home after argument, 1 hour later she sent me a nasty text and I was still angry at the argument and just basically acted out of haste and sent her a text saying I cant do it anymore etc So I ended it...but we still spoke a week later and then I noticed she suddenly went cold on me....Then I started chasing her.
So far shes refused all of my attempts obviously, told me she needed time etc, that she cant give me 100% anymore, it doesnt feel right etc
We both 25, 26 in 2 months
hey david and dara,
thank you very much guys,i'm so glad to have you in this situation.you guys are right i kinda played too much mind games but it wasn't like that i did it on purpose.every time he says something i automatically don't want to be needy and i makes me say those things out of nowhere.but he definitely knows that i love him.before i came here we met,he started crying from the first minute he saw me and said how much he loved me,that night i also cried,it was too hard to control myself because it was the first time that we met after the break up.and he knows that if i have no feelings for an ex i won't be talking to him.but i will do what u said from now on.its almost a week that we are not in touch.and he hasn't been online on any social media.let's see if he'll contact me or not.
thank you guys x
thank you so so much guys :) .and dara we are all in kind of a same situaitions. its just the time but we are having the same process.i'm sure this will happen to you soon.and i wish you the best on the indoor meeting this week.i have a feeling that all of us are gonna be fine :)
A.Z.,
That's great!! I told you that he loves you!! You already know what to do, but don't overdo it!! LOL
About my case, yes, I know that I have also hurt her. As I already mentioned, I had taken her for granted in the beginning and I am so sorry about it. Also, she was on and off, I retaliated once in a while (couldn't keep cool)! Something went wrong with me as well! I admit it!
Anyway, good for you! Good luck for the next level! :)
A.z
That sounds amazing :). Like you said he sounded very happy, it all sounds good!
I know if I was the guy in that situation it would sound very good and would be thinking "right this is my chance now :)"...Im pretty sure when you hit the city some sparks will fly ;) ha x
Dara,
i think the reason that someone goes hot and cold is because that they are are hurt from something and can't handle their emotions well.and i think thats not a bad sign cuz they are not indifferent.i wish all of us the best.and what you guys told me about me overacting and playing mind games and pushing him away,i just called him :D i could sense that he was happy for the call.i told him that i have finally become a dentist and got my degree.he acted so happy and asked if i'm done here. i said yes and maybe i go back to the country next week.he got so excited and asked me to call him when i arrive.i didn't ask him anything about these days that he hasn't been available,but he explained that he has been out of the city for a couple of days for work and that there is no internet signal there and he will try his best to get back by the time i'm there.then we said the funny things we used to say that days and it was a funny short conversation.i'm feeling better now.
David,
You know your situation better than anyone else. This is true with a.z. and myself. To describe the whole situation we might need weeks to write here and still not get to the point has been the root of the problem. I did not know that were friends before. That makes it a bit more complicated and I have no experience in that case but I still feel that she likes you and once intimacy happens it cannot be undone.
a.z.,
I truly understand you. I believe my ex girlfriend's attempts to be hurting were semi-conscious and usually based on emotions. Though it made me mad at that point (especially that first days that I encountered it) but I gradually made a conclusion that she is not fully involved in it. But I had to do something about it and I truly believe that this breakup and NC was for the best. Probably she needed this time to get off most of her negative emotions about me. Plus my reactions had also gone out of control in many cases! I also needed some time to think logically about her unconventional change of mood.
I wished I could bring out some examples but they will fill up this site. LOL
You know NC gets tougher towards the end probably because you want to see the outcome.
Thanks guys for the update! Its great to be here reading your comments!
Haha, I mean everyone is different, i mean my approach may not even work for me tbh but im hoping it does :)
Well Long story short we argued quite a lot which was mainly coz we both felt so strongly for each other ha, and petty arguments, we also split quite a lot for like 1-2 weeks etc
But this final time was because we were arguing, it was definitely my fault on this occasion. We were still together, but she was so upset, when I got home after argument, 1 hour later she sent me a nasty text and I was still angry at the argument and just basically acted out of haste and sent her a text saying I cant do it anymore etc So I ended it...but we still spoke a week later and then I noticed she suddenly went cold on me....Then I started chasing her.
So far shes refused all of my attempts obviously, told me she needed time etc, that she cant give me 100% anymore, it doesnt feel right etc
We both 25, 26 in 2 months
hey david and dara,
thank you very much guys,i'm so glad to have you in this situation.you guys are right i kinda played too much mind games but it wasn't like that i did it on purpose.every time he says something i automatically don't want to be needy and i makes me say those things out of nowhere.but he definitely knows that i love him.before i came here we met,he started crying from the first minute he saw me and said how much he loved me,that night i also cried,it was too hard to control myself because it was the first time that we met after the break up.and he knows that if i have no feelings for an ex i won't be talking to him.but i will do what u said from now on.its almost a week that we are not in touch.and he hasn't been online on any social media.let's see if he'll contact me or not.
thank you guys x
thank you so so much guys :) .and dara we are all in kind of a same situaitions. its just the time but we are having the same process.i'm sure this will happen to you soon.and i wish you the best on the indoor meeting this week.i have a feeling that all of us are gonna be fine :)
A.Z.,
That's great!! I told you that he loves you!! You already know what to do, but don't overdo it!! LOL
About my case, yes, I know that I have also hurt her. As I already mentioned, I had taken her for granted in the beginning and I am so sorry about it. Also, she was on and off, I retaliated once in a while (couldn't keep cool)! Something went wrong with me as well! I admit it!
Anyway, good for you! Good luck for the next level! :)
A.z
That sounds amazing :). Like you said he sounded very happy, it all sounds good!
I know if I was the guy in that situation it would sound very good and would be thinking "right this is my chance now :)"...Im pretty sure when you hit the city some sparks will fly ;) ha x
Dara,
i think the reason that someone goes hot and cold is because that they are are hurt from something and can't handle their emotions well.and i think thats not a bad sign cuz they are not indifferent.i wish all of us the best.and what you guys told me about me overacting and playing mind games and pushing him away,i just called him :D i could sense that he was happy for the call.i told him that i have finally become a dentist and got my degree.he acted so happy and asked if i'm done here. i said yes and maybe i go back to the country next week.he got so excited and asked me to call him when i arrive.i didn't ask him anything about these days that he hasn't been available,but he explained that he has been out of the city for a couple of days for work and that there is no internet signal there and he will try his best to get back by the time i'm there.then we said the funny things we used to say that days and it was a funny short conversation.i'm feeling better now.
David,
You know your situation better than anyone else. This is true with a.z. and myself. To describe the whole situation we might need weeks to write here and still not get to the point has been the root of the problem. I did not know that were friends before. That makes it a bit more complicated and I have no experience in that case but I still feel that she likes you and once intimacy happens it cannot be undone.
a.z.,
I truly understand you. I believe my ex girlfriend's attempts to be hurting were semi-conscious and usually based on emotions. Though it made me mad at that point (especially that first days that I encountered it) but I gradually made a conclusion that she is not fully involved in it. But I had to do something about it and I truly believe that this breakup and NC was for the best. Probably she needed this time to get off most of her negative emotions about me. Plus my reactions had also gone out of control in many cases! I also needed some time to think logically about her unconventional change of mood.
I wished I could bring out some examples but they will fill up this site. LOL
You know NC gets tougher towards the end probably because you want to see the outcome.
Thanks guys for the update! Its great to be here reading your comments!
Haha, I mean everyone is different, i mean my approach may not even work for me tbh but im hoping it does :)
Well Long story short we argued quite a lot which was mainly coz we both felt so strongly for each other ha, and petty arguments, we also split quite a lot for like 1-2 weeks etc
But this final time was because we were arguing, it was definitely my fault on this occasion. We were still together, but she was so upset, when I got home after argument, 1 hour later she sent me a nasty text and I was still angry at the argument and just basically acted out of haste and sent her a text saying I cant do it anymore etc So I ended it...but we still spoke a week later and then I noticed she suddenly went cold on me....Then I started chasing her.
So far shes refused all of my attempts obviously, told me she needed time etc, that she cant give me 100% anymore, it doesnt feel right etc
We both 25, 26 in 2 months
hey david and dara,
thank you very much guys,i'm so glad to have you in this situation.you guys are right i kinda played too much mind games but it wasn't like that i did it on purpose.every time he says something i automatically don't want to be needy and i makes me say those things out of nowhere.but he definitely knows that i love him.before i came here we met,he started crying from the first minute he saw me and said how much he loved me,that night i also cried,it was too hard to control myself because it was the first time that we met after the break up.and he knows that if i have no feelings for an ex i won't be talking to him.but i will do what u said from now on.its almost a week that we are not in touch.and he hasn't been online on any social media.let's see if he'll contact me or not.
thank you guys x
David,
Wow! I haven't thought about that for a long time. Tbh, I always try to drag the conversation on. I see you have a point of just letting it die naturally! Thanks haha!
Btw, I don't know your story, who break up with whom and why?
Thanks, David! I wish you luck, man!
David,
Wow! I haven't thought about that for a long time. Tbh, I always try to drag the conversation on. I see you have a point of just letting it die naturally! Thanks haha!
Btw, I don't know your story, who break up with whom and why?
Thanks, David! I wish you luck, man!
David,
Wow! I haven't thought about that for a long time. Tbh, I always try to drag the conversation on. I see you have a point of just letting it die naturally! Thanks haha!
Btw, I don't know your story, who break up with whom and why?
Thanks, David! I wish you luck, man!
Raed, I sometimes think it sounds more positive then it is. Basically my ex is my best friends ex ha. So we grew really close and were great friends for about 7 years before we got together....so quite a lot of time... I think thats why shes so willing to be "friends" with me...as it only went downhill when we got together and I think she honestly wants to go back to the way we were before we got together.
Anyways, I never did the NC thing myself either really as we had a social event coming up so had to speak after 2weeks, like ive seen written here, the NC thing is for YOU!...not for them.
So Why/What made you text her? Be careful not to fall back into the "needy" texting/chasing thing, I kind of did myself a little, but then I Think I quickly turned it around by sending very plain/vague replies and I wasnt trying to keep the conversation open...if it died it died.
I guess it depends on what you text her and what he positive response was? Has the conversation ended now? Try not to drag the conversation on...let it end naturally and dont keep asking too many questions. Then when it does end..just carry on as you were....I cant tell if she is just friendly or not because im in the same boat as you!! haha
But I think its very good that shes been friendly at least...now just kind of take a step back..she knows your there, she was been friendly...now only text her if she texts you...I think she will wonder why you havent text her first...which is good :)
Just to give you an example...my ex I saw yesterday...shes taling about getting an house - without me ha, see my posts from yesterday :)
Anyways, Today she messaged me in the morning, which I didnt text back to coz she was going to email me, She emailed me the Website and had a very vague conversation. She is asking me what I think of it etc...I just sent some plain answers because tbh...its KILLING ME! ha...I dont want to tell her to get a house etc without me when I actually want 1 with her!!
Anyways the last 2 messages, she asked me what area I think is good, I just told her I havent thought about it...and her next email to me was a 1 word jokin insult with a x
Im not going to reply to that now...its kinda of dead conversation and Will leave it..she can strike it up again if she wants to...if not...shes at a festival all week now
Fingers crossed. but it is hard!
Raed, I sometimes think it sounds more positive then it is. Basically my ex is my best friends ex ha. So we grew really close and were great friends for about 7 years before we got together....so quite a lot of time... I think thats why shes so willing to be "friends" with me...as it only went downhill when we got together and I think she honestly wants to go back to the way we were before we got together.
Anyways, I never did the NC thing myself either really as we had a social event coming up so had to speak after 2weeks, like ive seen written here, the NC thing is for YOU!...not for them.
So Why/What made you text her? Be careful not to fall back into the "needy" texting/chasing thing, I kind of did myself a little, but then I Think I quickly turned it around by sending very plain/vague replies and I wasnt trying to keep the conversation open...if it died it died.
I guess it depends on what you text her and what he positive response was? Has the conversation ended now? Try not to drag the conversation on...let it end naturally and dont keep asking too many questions. Then when it does end..just carry on as you were....I cant tell if she is just friendly or not because im in the same boat as you!! haha
But I think its very good that shes been friendly at least...now just kind of take a step back..she knows your there, she was been friendly...now only text her if she texts you...I think she will wonder why you havent text her first...which is good :)
Just to give you an example...my ex I saw yesterday...shes taling about getting an house - without me ha, see my posts from yesterday :)
Anyways, Today she messaged me in the morning, which I didnt text back to coz she was going to email me, She emailed me the Website and had a very vague conversation. She is asking me what I think of it etc...I just sent some plain answers because tbh...its KILLING ME! ha...I dont want to tell her to get a house etc without me when I actually want 1 with her!!
Anyways the last 2 messages, she asked me what area I think is good, I just told her I havent thought about it...and her next email to me was a 1 word jokin insult with a x
Im not going to reply to that now...its kinda of dead conversation and Will leave it..she can strike it up again if she wants to...if not...shes at a festival all week now
Fingers crossed. but it is hard!
Raed, I sometimes think it sounds more positive then it is. Basically my ex is my best friends ex ha. So we grew really close and were great friends for about 7 years before we got together....so quite a lot of time... I think thats why shes so willing to be "friends" with me...as it only went downhill when we got together and I think she honestly wants to go back to the way we were before we got together.
Anyways, I never did the NC thing myself either really as we had a social event coming up so had to speak after 2weeks, like ive seen written here, the NC thing is for YOU!...not for them.
So Why/What made you text her? Be careful not to fall back into the "needy" texting/chasing thing, I kind of did myself a little, but then I Think I quickly turned it around by sending very plain/vague replies and I wasnt trying to keep the conversation open...if it died it died.
I guess it depends on what you text her and what he positive response was? Has the conversation ended now? Try not to drag the conversation on...let it end naturally and dont keep asking too many questions. Then when it does end..just carry on as you were....I cant tell if she is just friendly or not because im in the same boat as you!! haha
But I think its very good that shes been friendly at least...now just kind of take a step back..she knows your there, she was been friendly...now only text her if she texts you...I think she will wonder why you havent text her first...which is good :)
David,
In short she loves you!! Girls ask for cuddle from the ones they love!! Cuddle means a lot to them!!
Just act like you are dating a new girl! I suppose no one talks about emotions but get into motions! I don't see anything wrong in what you said! Of Course you like cuddling (her)! LOL
Just be positive minded buddy! Good job! Enjoy the food together!! :P
doesn't matter if you weren't involved in her future plans.she doesn't want to be too obvious about getting back together.actually i'm dying to get back with my ex but i have talked to him about my future and he was not involved in it.so don't think about it.
Yeah I agree with Dara,
Think youve already got your ex where you want him, You did NC for a while, Hes said he still loves you etc I think the only thing stopping him from mentioning get back together is (If it was me) I would think that you are already too far moved on or something and therefore hes reluctant to say anything because your not giving him anymore hints etc.
As for the 2 dating options I mentioned, I would only say/do that if he asks about it, but it should definitely be after you go back to the town and see him...You shouldnt let him know you might have another guy lined up or anything until AFTER you see him, coz who knows when you see him he might finally mention getting back together.
This may sound daft but...Next time he tells you he loves you etc..can you not just ask him why he is telling you this? And see what he actually says?
The only reason I would tell a girl that stuff is if i wanted to get back together..so its kind of like if asked...thats the only thing I would say ha..i mean what other thing can you say? ha
Especially as youve told him directly you dont want to get back together etc and hes still saying it :)
Thanks A.z
I replied to your comment here:
Its a bit weird sometimes commenting on here, sometimes it doesnt give you a reply option..hope this helps! x
Hey a.z.,
After reading your comments, I recommend you to play less mind-games on him! It might make him attached to you but at the same time he might develop a dissatisfaction which will influence the quality of your relationship. An example is myself: I love my ex because she was more than any best friend I ever had when she was high in spirit but when she played mind games, she was really harsh! Even today, it makes me feel undecided! Plus, after the breakup when all wounds are healed, and he has moved on he will never look back and say that he had great days and long for it! Just a remark from my incomplete life experience. Sorry if I did not get your point completely here!!
and one more thing.about a week ago we were having a video call,he was too emotional that night and i directly told him that i don't want to get back with him.he got so mad and started insulting the guy who he thinks has changed my mind.(long story ,he was a mutual friend that talked behind my ex and then my ex proved that he was lying).and the next day i explained that he has nothing to do with that.and he accepted to stop acting that way.
thank you very much david it was helpful thanks for the positive energy.and about your questions,we have been in a relationship for more than a year,we were almost living together.i started arguing alot in the last month i believe i behaved so bad.i broke up with him.and we weren't in touch for 3 days ( since then we have never had a day without talking) after my break up text.by the end of the 3rd day i sent a text msg to him and said now that its over doesn't mean that we are enemies so wanna talk? he said yes.but said nothing about getting back and he said we seriously needed some space.i didn't ask him to get back but he found that i was upset.he cried and said he was so sorry but we needed that and that he was tired of all the arguments and he wants me back in his life after some time.from then on he never asked to get back.and i'm sure he is not dating anyone or maybe he is successfully hiding it from me.
Hey a.z.,
After reading your comments, I recommend you to play less mind-games on him! It might make him attached to you but at the same time he might develop a dissatisfaction which will influence the quality of your relationship. An example is myself: I love my ex because she was more than any best friend I ever had when she was high in spirit but when she played mind games, she was really harsh! Even today, it makes me feel undecided! Plus, after the breakup when all wounds are healed, and he has moved on he will never look back and say that he had great days and long for it! Just a remark from my incomplete life experience. Sorry if I did not get your point completely here!!
and one more thing.about a week ago we were having a video call,he was too emotional that night and i directly told him that i don't want to get back with him.he got so mad and started insulting the guy who he thinks has changed my mind.(long story ,he was a mutual friend that talked behind my ex and then my ex proved that he was lying).and the next day i explained that he has nothing to do with that.and he accepted to stop acting that way.
thank you very much david it was helpful thanks for the positive energy.and about your questions,we have been in a relationship for more than a year,we were almost living together.i started arguing alot in the last month i believe i behaved so bad.i broke up with him.and we weren't in touch for 3 days ( since then we have never had a day without talking) after my break up text.by the end of the 3rd day i sent a text msg to him and said now that its over doesn't mean that we are enemies so wanna talk? he said yes.but said nothing about getting back and he said we seriously needed some space.i didn't ask him to get back but he found that i was upset.he cried and said he was so sorry but we needed that and that he was tired of all the arguments and he wants me back in his life after some time.from then on he never asked to get back.and i'm sure he is not dating anyone or maybe he is successfully hiding it from me.
Hey a.z.,
After reading your comments, I recommend you to play less mind-games on him! It might make him attached to you but at the same time he might develop a dissatisfaction which will influence the quality of your relationship. An example is myself: I love my ex because she was more than any best friend I ever had when she was high in spirit but when she played mind games, she was really harsh! Even today, it makes me feel undecided! Plus, after the breakup when all wounds are healed, and he has moved on he will never look back and say that he had great days and long for it! Just a remark from my incomplete life experience. Sorry if I did not get your point completely here!!
and one more thing.about a week ago we were having a video call,he was too emotional that night and i directly told him that i don't want to get back with him.he got so mad and started insulting the guy who he thinks has changed my mind.(long story ,he was a mutual friend that talked behind my ex and then my ex proved that he was lying).and the next day i explained that he has nothing to do with that.and he accepted to stop acting that way.
thank you very much david it was helpful thanks for the positive energy.and about your questions,we have been in a relationship for more than a year,we were almost living together.i started arguing alot in the last month i believe i behaved so bad.i broke up with him.and we weren't in touch for 3 days ( since then we have never had a day without talking) after my break up text.by the end of the 3rd day i sent a text msg to him and said now that its over doesn't mean that we are enemies so wanna talk? he said yes.but said nothing about getting back and he said we seriously needed some space.i didn't ask him to get back but he found that i was upset.he cried and said he was so sorry but we needed that and that he was tired of all the arguments and he wants me back in his life after some time.from then on he never asked to get back.and i'm sure he is not dating anyone or maybe he is successfully hiding it from me.
Hey a.z.,
After reading your comments, I recommend you to play less mind-games on him! It might make him attached to you but at the same time he might develop a dissatisfaction which will influence the quality of your relationship. An example is myself: I love my ex because she was more than any best friend I ever had when she was high in spirit but when she played mind games, she was really harsh! Even today, it makes me feel undecided! Plus, after the breakup when all wounds are healed, and he has moved on he will never look back and say that he had great days and long for it! Just a remark from my incomplete life experience. Sorry if I did not get your point completely here!!
and one more thing.about a week ago we were having a video call,he was too emotional that night and i directly told him that i don't want to get back with him.he got so mad and started insulting the guy who he thinks has changed my mind.(long story ,he was a mutual friend that talked behind my ex and then my ex proved that he was lying).and the next day i explained that he has nothing to do with that.and he accepted to stop acting that way.
thank you very much david it was helpful thanks for the positive energy.and about your questions,we have been in a relationship for more than a year,we were almost living together.i started arguing alot in the last month i believe i behaved so bad.i broke up with him.and we weren't in touch for 3 days ( since then we have never had a day without talking) after my break up text.by the end of the 3rd day i sent a text msg to him and said now that its over doesn't mean that we are enemies so wanna talk? he said yes.but said nothing about getting back and he said we seriously needed some space.i didn't ask him to get back but he found that i was upset.he cried and said he was so sorry but we needed that and that he was tired of all the arguments and he wants me back in his life after some time.from then on he never asked to get back.and i'm sure he is not dating anyone or maybe he is successfully hiding it from me.
Hey a.z.,
After reading your comments, I recommend you to play less mind-games on him! It might make him attached to you but at the same time he might develop a dissatisfaction which will influence the quality of your relationship. An example is myself: I love my ex because she was more than any best friend I ever had when she was high in spirit but when she played mind games, she was really harsh! Even today, it makes me feel undecided! Plus, after the breakup when all wounds are healed, and he has moved on he will never look back and say that he had great days and long for it! Just a remark from my incomplete life experience. Sorry if I did not get your point completely here!!
and one more thing.about a week ago we were having a video call,he was too emotional that night and i directly told him that i don't want to get back with him.he got so mad and started insulting the guy who he thinks has changed my mind.(long story ,he was a mutual friend that talked behind my ex and then my ex proved that he was lying).and the next day i explained that he has nothing to do with that.and he accepted to stop acting that way.
thank you very much david it was helpful thanks for the positive energy.and about your questions,we have been in a relationship for more than a year,we were almost living together.i started arguing alot in the last month i believe i behaved so bad.i broke up with him.and we weren't in touch for 3 days ( since then we have never had a day without talking) after my break up text.by the end of the 3rd day i sent a text msg to him and said now that its over doesn't mean that we are enemies so wanna talk? he said yes.but said nothing about getting back and he said we seriously needed some space.i didn't ask him to get back but he found that i was upset.he cried and said he was so sorry but we needed that and that he was tired of all the arguments and he wants me back in his life after some time.from then on he never asked to get back.and i'm sure he is not dating anyone or maybe he is successfully hiding it from me.
Yeah I agree with Dara,
Think youve already got your ex where you want him, You did NC for a while, Hes said he still loves you etc I think the only thing stopping him from mentioning get back together is (If it was me) I would think that you are already too far moved on or something and therefore hes reluctant to say anything because your not giving him anymore hints etc.
As for the 2 dating options I mentioned, I would only say/do that if he asks about it, but it should definitely be after you go back to the town and see him...You shouldnt let him know you might have another guy lined up or anything until AFTER you see him, coz who knows when you see him he might finally mention getting back together.
This may sound daft but...Next time he tells you he loves you etc..can you not just ask him why he is telling you this? And see what he actually says?
The only reason I would tell a girl that stuff is if i wanted to get back together..so its kind of like if asked...thats the only thing I would say ha..i mean what other thing can you say? ha
Especially as youve told him directly you dont want to get back together etc and hes still saying it :)
Thanks A.z
I replied to your comment here:
Its a bit weird sometimes commenting on here, sometimes it doesnt give you a reply option..hope this helps! x
Yeah I agree with Dara,
Think youve already got your ex where you want him, You did NC for a while, Hes said he still loves you etc I think the only thing stopping him from mentioning get back together is (If it was me) I would think that you are already too far moved on or something and therefore hes reluctant to say anything because your not giving him anymore hints etc.
As for the 2 dating options I mentioned, I would only say/do that if he asks about it, but it should definitely be after you go back to the town and see him...You shouldnt let him know you might have another guy lined up or anything until AFTER you see him, coz who knows when you see him he might finally mention getting back together.
This may sound daft but...Next time he tells you he loves you etc..can you not just ask him why he is telling you this? And see what he actually says?
The only reason I would tell a girl that stuff is if i wanted to get back together..so its kind of like if asked...thats the only thing I would say ha..i mean what other thing can you say? ha
Especially as youve told him directly you dont want to get back together etc and hes still saying it :)
Thanks A.z
I replied to your comment here:
Its a bit weird sometimes commenting on here, sometimes it doesnt give you a reply option..hope this helps! x
Yeah I agree with Dara,
Think youve already got your ex where you want him, You did NC for a while, Hes said he still loves you etc I think the only thing stopping him from mentioning get back together is (If it was me) I would think that you are already too far moved on or something and therefore hes reluctant to say anything because your not giving him anymore hints etc.
As for the 2 dating options I mentioned, I would only say/do that if he asks about it, but it should definitely be after you go back to the town and see him...You shouldnt let him know you might have another guy lined up or anything until AFTER you see him, coz who knows when you see him he might finally mention getting back together.
This may sound daft but...Next time he tells you he loves you etc..can you not just ask him why he is telling you this? And see what he actually says?
The only reason I would tell a girl that stuff is if i wanted to get back together..so its kind of like if asked...thats the only thing I would say ha..i mean what other thing can you say? ha
Especially as youve told him directly you dont want to get back together etc and hes still saying it :)
Thanks A.z
I replied to your comment here:
Its a bit weird sometimes commenting on here, sometimes it doesnt give you a reply option..hope this helps! x
doesn't matter if you weren't involved in her future plans.she doesn't want to be too obvious about getting back together.actually i'm dying to get back with my ex but i have talked to him about my future and he was not involved in it.so don't think about it.
doesn't matter if you weren't involved in her future plans.she doesn't want to be too obvious about getting back together.actually i'm dying to get back with my ex but i have talked to him about my future and he was not involved in it.so don't think about it.
hey david,
glad to hear this.everything is going on great.she asked you to hang out and she indirectly mentioned that she wants to go out with you again.don't worry about the cuddling if you are not chasing her and you are not gonna contact her so she doesn't think that you are needy or always there for her.she cares about you,and i think you can get her back.she gave you an acceptable excuse for not being there and asked you to send her a photo,she said you looked hot,she sends good night texts to you,she suggested the meet up,she wants to hang out again,she asked for a cuddle.these are all good signs and to me, almost absolute signs that she likes to get back.well done david.keep what you are doing,you will get what u want.just when she contacts you show that you are busy these days with your GSL (goal self image ) and having a nice time with friends and wish her a good time.i have a strong feeling that you will get her back.
Hey A.z
Thanks, when you list the things like that it does sound very positive :). The only thing why im so scared of the "friendzone" is, We were friends for like 6+ years before we got together.
Also when talking about the "future" and her house etc..I wasnt involved in it ha...she was asking me questions like "Oh so I will be able to afford a mortage on my own then?" etc
But yeah, I think it sounds positive and yeah im going to leave her to it now as she pretty much goes to the festival in 1 day.
I think a few days after the festival ends is when i will really start to see a change in what shes going to do...good or bad etc.
Thanks a lot for your help :) x
and david could you please read our last conversation . Dara told his opinion and i will be glad to hear yours too.
Hey A.z
Thanks, when you list the things like that it does sound very positive :). The only thing why im so scared of the "friendzone" is, We were friends for like 6+ years before we got together.
Also when talking about the "future" and her house etc..I wasnt involved in it ha...she was asking me questions like "Oh so I will be able to afford a mortage on my own then?" etc
But yeah, I think it sounds positive and yeah im going to leave her to it now as she pretty much goes to the festival in 1 day.
I think a few days after the festival ends is when i will really start to see a change in what shes going to do...good or bad etc.
Thanks a lot for your help :) x
and david could you please read our last conversation . Dara told his opinion and i will be glad to hear yours too.
Hey A.z
Thanks, when you list the things like that it does sound very positive :). The only thing why im so scared of the "friendzone" is, We were friends for like 6+ years before we got together.
Also when talking about the "future" and her house etc..I wasnt involved in it ha...she was asking me questions like "Oh so I will be able to afford a mortage on my own then?" etc
But yeah, I think it sounds positive and yeah im going to leave her to it now as she pretty much goes to the festival in 1 day.
I think a few days after the festival ends is when i will really start to see a change in what shes going to do...good or bad etc.
Thanks a lot for your help :) x
and david could you please read our last conversation . Dara told his opinion and i will be glad to hear yours too.
David,
Wow man! How'd you do that?! As I can see everything is so positive. Considering she is the one to initiate and give you hints. You're on your way to gerting back together but still control yourself. Don't fully indulge yet for you might seem pushy. Treat her as a new girl so that you could somehow keep your hands off her.
Anyway, I just wanna ask. I am on NC for 2weeks, and I failed. I texted her. I can say that somehow her response is positive but I don't know if she missed me pr is being friendly, what do you think?
David,
In short she loves you!! Girls ask for cuddle from the ones they love!! Cuddle means a lot to them!!
Just act like you are dating a new girl! I suppose no one talks about emotions but get into motions! I don't see anything wrong in what you said! Of Course you like cuddling (her)! LOL
Just be positive minded buddy! Good job! Enjoy the food together!! :P
hey david,
glad to hear this.everything is going on great.she asked you to hang out and she indirectly mentioned that she wants to go out with you again.don't worry about the cuddling if you are not chasing her and you are not gonna contact her so she doesn't think that you are needy or always there for her.she cares about you,and i think you can get her back.she gave you an acceptable excuse for not being there and asked you to send her a photo,she said you looked hot,she sends good night texts to you,she suggested the meet up,she wants to hang out again,she asked for a cuddle.these are all good signs and to me, almost absolute signs that she likes to get back.well done david.keep what you are doing,you will get what u want.just when she contacts you show that you are busy these days with your GSL (goal self image ) and having a nice time with friends and wish her a good time.i have a strong feeling that you will get her back.
Dear Kevin,
Welcome back and thank god you're back! Today is day 30 of my NC and I'm feeling great! made some changes in my life but by the end of July I would've started my course and things would go smoothly after. I'm waiting 2 more weeks before I do first contact. Question: I'm not sure whether to do the letter or go straight to text. I've prepared a letter and not sure whether to hand write it or facebook message it to him a way I'll know whether he's 'seen' it or not. Also, what do I do if he overlooks the letter and doesn't read it at all? I'm ok knowing he might not want to talk to me if ever but would very much like him to respond. Which way is the best way to get his attention and make him chase me? Thanks Kevin, I hope your absence was for a good cause or a relaxing holiday :)
Ok I was getting annoyed worrying about this so I just sent him the letter via facebook messaging, i guess if he would answer a hand written letter he'd answer this one and i'm not expecting him to cos he's like a bull! Anyway, i'm very proud of the letter I wrote I hope it makes him respond. If or when he doesn't respond within few days does that mean he's gone and never coming back? I feel at peace finally :)
Rihanna,
If he doesn't respond to your message maybe he isn't interested yet. And by yet, I mean, not yet now. But might be possible later. A month of NC might be long for you because you are aware that you are doing it but maybe it's not yet enoughy time for him. I mean, he can't fix his unresolved issues within just a month. But if he doesn't respond but 'seen' it. Consider moving on, you might not want to waste another month of NC planning to get him back.
I hope there will be a positive response from him! All the best!
Thank you Raed for your response. I'm NOT surprised because I know his personality and Yes he's seen it and been on fb more today since I sent the letter than before. No he hasn't responded and probably won't. He has my stuff and still not responding so how or when will we sort that out? Also, I want to move on I'm tired so if he ignores my letter (and I think he has) should I unfriend him on fb as a way to tell him "I'm over you anyway"? Or should I keep ignoring him and act happy? He's hardly on fb anyway and was bit surprised today he went on fb twice... very upset but will give it another day :(
congrats rihanna,
you did a great job. doesn't matter if he didn't reply.wait about 2 or 3 weeks and drop him the something reminded me of you text.during this time,don't stalk him on FB.i remember i didn't want to remove my ex cuz i needed him to see me happy,i just used to update some pics and videos,post on our mutual friends wall and that was it.i didn't check his profile even once.i didn't even check my fb home for a complete month.i didn't want to see anything about him.and that helped me alot.
Rihanna,
Congratulations on completing 30 days of NC. If he does not respond you, it does not mean that he is not thinking about it. Give him a week or two to make his mind. I hope you don't expect a rush reply from him. In my limited googling, I've found that NC varies from 30 days to 90 days. For very extreme cases it can be 6 months. In your case, you should know that unless he is recovered form his depression and hand injury he can't come back easily. Probably, the day he finds his job will the best day for your contact!
Congratulations again!!
Hey Rihanna,
NC is for you to be happy without constantly thinking about your ex. You wrote him the letter already and he saw it. He just needs time and more space to think about it. Don't expect anything from him and more importantly, stop obsessing whether he is giving you the closure or not. Since you did NC for 30 days already, are you happy and confident without your ex? If not, then I think you should continue NC for 1 to 2 weeks again trying be happy without thinking about your ex too much. I know it's hard because I always tend to try and check if my ex is on FB and wonder what she is doing, even while I am in NC right now. If it helps, just turn off your chat while you are in NC, I know it helps me atleast from stalking to see if she is on xP. This is all an experience everyone of us is going through, learn to br happy without your ex, YOU are more important =) good luck!
congrats rihanna,
you did a great job. doesn't matter if he didn't reply.wait about 2 or 3 weeks and drop him the something reminded me of you text.during this time,don't stalk him on FB.i remember i didn't want to remove my ex cuz i needed him to see me happy,i just used to update some pics and videos,post on our mutual friends wall and that was it.i didn't check his profile even once.i didn't even check my fb home for a complete month.i didn't want to see anything about him.and that helped me alot.
Rihanna,
Congratulations on completing 30 days of NC. If he does not respond you, it does not mean that he is not thinking about it. Give him a week or two to make his mind. I hope you don't expect a rush reply from him. In my limited googling, I've found that NC varies from 30 days to 90 days. For very extreme cases it can be 6 months. In your case, you should know that unless he is recovered form his depression and hand injury he can't come back easily. Probably, the day he finds his job will the best day for your contact!
Congratulations again!!
Hey Rihanna,
NC is for you to be happy without constantly thinking about your ex. You wrote him the letter already and he saw it. He just needs time and more space to think about it. Don't expect anything from him and more importantly, stop obsessing whether he is giving you the closure or not. Since you did NC for 30 days already, are you happy and confident without your ex? If not, then I think you should continue NC for 1 to 2 weeks again trying be happy without thinking about your ex too much. I know it's hard because I always tend to try and check if my ex is on FB and wonder what she is doing, even while I am in NC right now. If it helps, just turn off your chat while you are in NC, I know it helps me atleast from stalking to see if she is on xP. This is all an experience everyone of us is going through, learn to br happy without your ex, YOU are more important =) good luck!
congrats rihanna,
you did a great job. doesn't matter if he didn't reply.wait about 2 or 3 weeks and drop him the something reminded me of you text.during this time,don't stalk him on FB.i remember i didn't want to remove my ex cuz i needed him to see me happy,i just used to update some pics and videos,post on our mutual friends wall and that was it.i didn't check his profile even once.i didn't even check my fb home for a complete month.i didn't want to see anything about him.and that helped me alot.
Rihanna,
Congratulations on completing 30 days of NC. If he does not respond you, it does not mean that he is not thinking about it. Give him a week or two to make his mind. I hope you don't expect a rush reply from him. In my limited googling, I've found that NC varies from 30 days to 90 days. For very extreme cases it can be 6 months. In your case, you should know that unless he is recovered form his depression and hand injury he can't come back easily. Probably, the day he finds his job will the best day for your contact!
Congratulations again!!
Hey Rihanna,
NC is for you to be happy without constantly thinking about your ex. You wrote him the letter already and he saw it. He just needs time and more space to think about it. Don't expect anything from him and more importantly, stop obsessing whether he is giving you the closure or not. Since you did NC for 30 days already, are you happy and confident without your ex? If not, then I think you should continue NC for 1 to 2 weeks again trying be happy without thinking about your ex too much. I know it's hard because I always tend to try and check if my ex is on FB and wonder what she is doing, even while I am in NC right now. If it helps, just turn off your chat while you are in NC, I know it helps me atleast from stalking to see if she is on xP. This is all an experience everyone of us is going through, learn to br happy without your ex, YOU are more important =) good luck!
congrats rihanna,
you did a great job. doesn't matter if he didn't reply.wait about 2 or 3 weeks and drop him the something reminded me of you text.during this time,don't stalk him on FB.i remember i didn't want to remove my ex cuz i needed him to see me happy,i just used to update some pics and videos,post on our mutual friends wall and that was it.i didn't check his profile even once.i didn't even check my fb home for a complete month.i didn't want to see anything about him.and that helped me alot.
Rihanna,
Congratulations on completing 30 days of NC. If he does not respond you, it does not mean that he is not thinking about it. Give him a week or two to make his mind. I hope you don't expect a rush reply from him. In my limited googling, I've found that NC varies from 30 days to 90 days. For very extreme cases it can be 6 months. In your case, you should know that unless he is recovered form his depression and hand injury he can't come back easily. Probably, the day he finds his job will the best day for your contact!
Congratulations again!!
Hey Rihanna,
NC is for you to be happy without constantly thinking about your ex. You wrote him the letter already and he saw it. He just needs time and more space to think about it. Don't expect anything from him and more importantly, stop obsessing whether he is giving you the closure or not. Since you did NC for 30 days already, are you happy and confident without your ex? If not, then I think you should continue NC for 1 to 2 weeks again trying be happy without thinking about your ex too much. I know it's hard because I always tend to try and check if my ex is on FB and wonder what she is doing, even while I am in NC right now. If it helps, just turn off your chat while you are in NC, I know it helps me atleast from stalking to see if she is on xP. This is all an experience everyone of us is going through, learn to br happy without your ex, YOU are more important =) good luck!
congrats rihanna,
you did a great job. doesn't matter if he didn't reply.wait about 2 or 3 weeks and drop him the something reminded me of you text.during this time,don't stalk him on FB.i remember i didn't want to remove my ex cuz i needed him to see me happy,i just used to update some pics and videos,post on our mutual friends wall and that was it.i didn't check his profile even once.i didn't even check my fb home for a complete month.i didn't want to see anything about him.and that helped me alot.
Rihanna,
Congratulations on completing 30 days of NC. If he does not respond you, it does not mean that he is not thinking about it. Give him a week or two to make his mind. I hope you don't expect a rush reply from him. In my limited googling, I've found that NC varies from 30 days to 90 days. For very extreme cases it can be 6 months. In your case, you should know that unless he is recovered form his depression and hand injury he can't come back easily. Probably, the day he finds his job will the best day for your contact!
Congratulations again!!
Hey Rihanna,
NC is for you to be happy without constantly thinking about your ex. You wrote him the letter already and he saw it. He just needs time and more space to think about it. Don't expect anything from him and more importantly, stop obsessing whether he is giving you the closure or not. Since you did NC for 30 days already, are you happy and confident without your ex? If not, then I think you should continue NC for 1 to 2 weeks again trying be happy without thinking about your ex too much. I know it's hard because I always tend to try and check if my ex is on FB and wonder what she is doing, even while I am in NC right now. If it helps, just turn off your chat while you are in NC, I know it helps me atleast from stalking to see if she is on xP. This is all an experience everyone of us is going through, learn to br happy without your ex, YOU are more important =) good luck!
Thank you Raed for your response. I'm NOT surprised because I know his personality and Yes he's seen it and been on fb more today since I sent the letter than before. No he hasn't responded and probably won't. He has my stuff and still not responding so how or when will we sort that out? Also, I want to move on I'm tired so if he ignores my letter (and I think he has) should I unfriend him on fb as a way to tell him "I'm over you anyway"? Or should I keep ignoring him and act happy? He's hardly on fb anyway and was bit surprised today he went on fb twice... very upset but will give it another day :(
Thank you Raed for your response. I'm NOT surprised because I know his personality and Yes he's seen it and been on fb more today since I sent the letter than before. No he hasn't responded and probably won't. He has my stuff and still not responding so how or when will we sort that out? Also, I want to move on I'm tired so if he ignores my letter (and I think he has) should I unfriend him on fb as a way to tell him "I'm over you anyway"? Or should I keep ignoring him and act happy? He's hardly on fb anyway and was bit surprised today he went on fb twice... very upset but will give it another day :(
Thank you Raed for your response. I'm NOT surprised because I know his personality and Yes he's seen it and been on fb more today since I sent the letter than before. No he hasn't responded and probably won't. He has my stuff and still not responding so how or when will we sort that out? Also, I want to move on I'm tired so if he ignores my letter (and I think he has) should I unfriend him on fb as a way to tell him "I'm over you anyway"? Or should I keep ignoring him and act happy? He's hardly on fb anyway and was bit surprised today he went on fb twice... very upset but will give it another day :(
Rihanna,
If he doesn't respond to your message maybe he isn't interested yet. And by yet, I mean, not yet now. But might be possible later. A month of NC might be long for you because you are aware that you are doing it but maybe it's not yet enoughy time for him. I mean, he can't fix his unresolved issues within just a month. But if he doesn't respond but 'seen' it. Consider moving on, you might not want to waste another month of NC planning to get him back.
I hope there will be a positive response from him! All the best!
Rihanna,
If he doesn't respond to your message maybe he isn't interested yet. And by yet, I mean, not yet now. But might be possible later. A month of NC might be long for you because you are aware that you are doing it but maybe it's not yet enoughy time for him. I mean, he can't fix his unresolved issues within just a month. But if he doesn't respond but 'seen' it. Consider moving on, you might not want to waste another month of NC planning to get him back.
I hope there will be a positive response from him! All the best!
Ok I was getting annoyed worrying about this so I just sent him the letter via facebook messaging, i guess if he would answer a hand written letter he'd answer this one and i'm not expecting him to cos he's like a bull! Anyway, i'm very proud of the letter I wrote I hope it makes him respond. If or when he doesn't respond within few days does that mean he's gone and never coming back? I feel at peace finally :)
Hi Kevin,
I think my comment has got lost somewhere... Hope you can help.
Ok so here goes.
I was in same gender relationship with a girl, it lasted 6 weeks. As soon as we got chatting/meeting up we both relaised that we had a strong connection and feelings started to grow quite quickly. We both said we never felt like this before so soon and also both had the attraction.
The only thing was this girl had 3 serious relationships with guys in the past, but she said she always knew that she was gay. Anyway as the weeks went on the feelings grow more, and she actually came out to her friends and family, as she said no one makes her happy as much as I do. I am already out to everyone. Before she came out she was a little hot/cold as she didn’t like lying to people. After she came out the feeling was fantastic I was so happy, but then she went to being cold again (I think this is her personailty being hot/cold) as she has a very stresseful job and alot going on in her life at the moment. I kinda messed it up as I said I can not deal with you being cold, so if thats how your going to be then we best call it a day. and she did it is now over. This was a week ago. I made even further mistakes by sending a card to her work to say sorry, and messaging her on the dating website we met on (as I delted her number so I didn’t make the mistake of harrassing her) she called me on Sunday to say, stop contacting me your making me ill, your not the only one who is upset and hurt by this, but we are not right for each other, I scare her, it was unproffesional contacting her at work by sending the card, she will not change my mind, and now she has blocked my number. I have not made any contact since, but we both admitted we had strong feelings for each other when we were in a relationship and how happy we wee she even came out for me, do you think she be back or that is it now?
.
Hey everyone!
i would love some help..
I'm 18 and my exboyfriend is 18, we broke up because of many misunderstandings and fights, insecurity and shit.. we had a distancerelationship, we broke up because i was so insecure when we didn't see eachother in like 2 weeks, i was so immature.
So we broke up for a month ago, but i broke the NC 2 weeks after the NC because he liked a pic i uploaded on instagram.. :( i told him i wanted a new chance, he said that he wanted to think about it. Even if it was too early for a new relationship with him, i almost got him back again.
In the relationship, he always told me that he'd never felt this way before in a relationship, that he thought that we were meant to be, he would love me forever and so on.
He has always been honest with me, since the first time we met he told me directly that he's not that guy who lies, is with many girls and stuff, he said that he wanted to find the perfect girl and just be with her. During our relationship he truly loved me, told me everyday that he had never felt this to a girl before and we were gonna last forever.. but i was a immature and insecure bitch towards him, always started fights, and at first i took him for granted just because i knew he really loved me. Now i really realize what i lost and i couldn't be more sad! even after a month i'm so hung up on him! i know i have to let go and be friends with him, but i know he's the one! i have never ever ever been this sad because a break up, it was my fault we broke up and i just want to go back to him, from scratch.
I'm not gonna write to him until 9th July, but i'm soooo worried that he's gonna find a girl or something before i'm taking contact with him again.. He's that boy who never play games, always honest and straight up. But when he's done, he's really done.. doesn't write to me or nothing. I'm worried that i've really lost my chance, because he gave me so much chances and took me back all the time, but he reached his breakingpoint after the last fight with him. But even after the breakup, he told me that he actually wanted to be with me.. but he thought this was the best.
He lives 2h away from me, and there's no chance that i'm meeting him again if we're not in a relationship, we lasted 6 month before the breakup
Do you guys think i have a chance to win him back? We broke up because i didn't stop fighting with him and i know that's the only reason why.. :( but i'm afraid that i fucked everything up when i wrote to him 2 weeks after NC that i wanted another chance :(
What do you guys think?
Sincerely, Lovisa :)
Hi Lovisa,
I agree with a.z., NC will help you improve yourself, and make you less worried about getting him back or not. You are so young and it's summer! What I think you should do is relax and enjoy summer with you friends, if you keep him off your mind while you have fun, I'm sure he will contact you. And when he does, remember not reply right away or it'll make you seem too needy. My ex she says she loves me and I think she's the one too, but from my experience, there's really nothing much you can do if he doesn't initiate contact, you'll just end up chasing and seem needy. So just start NC again and enjoy summer hehe, good luck!
I'm sorry to hear that your story is the same like mine a.z!
Problem is, he had never done something bad against me, he was always loyal, didn't play around, did everything to be with me.. i knew he's the right guy, when he told me that he had never felt this way before, and started to talk about the future with me right after 2 months together i felt so happy! never been this comfortable in a relationship before..
Hi Edward! i know i'm young, but i know how i feel too, it's weird because i was really insecure with other guys before, but with him, i was so comfortable :/
The main thing i want to happen right now, is by time he forgives me, although i told him 2 weeks after the breakup i knew i did wrong. We broke up because of my fights, and i hope we can move further that in the future so he can see that i'm more mature now
But, he's living 2h away from me, and i don't see a solution to this! i want to meet him, but still he's living far away :(
Do you guys think i have a chance if i give this time? :(
Thanks for your help a.z and Edward!
Hey Lovisa,
When I apologized to my ex, she also said that it was difficult and needs to think about it. Soon after, like 1 to 2 weeks, I asked her if she had made her decision, she was unsure and said it was too soon. I am doing NC now because I realized that it has to be her decision to get back. It's been 3 months since our break up and she still has feelings for me.
Memories can't be forgotten so easily, and when they come back, it will remind you oryour ex of the times you two had. It will make him miss you and have the urge to contact. That's why I think NC will help because it helps you remove that neediness. I know you're afraid of the outcome, but I can tell you that it will be worth it. It will truly show your ex that you've grown, and even if it doesn't, you are still going to be happy for yourself and no one else. I know you think he's the one, I feel the same of my ex. The best way to increase the chances is to work on yourself and to be happy without him. It's what I am doing and everyday I feel happier and free, I still love my ex very much, and at the same time, I don't have to worry about getting her back or not. Having this abundance mindset will bring you wonders, just be happy and your life will follow. Remember, don't worry so much about getting him back or not, worry about how to be happy without him (:
Hey Edward and a.z!
Sorry for late answer, my internet got shut down :(
I've read all of your answers, and i just have to thank all of you! I'm a stronger person right now,
It's gone 1 month since we last spoke, but i think it's still too early to write to him actually. In earlier answers, i told you that he thought we we're gonna last forever, and he never felt this way for a girl before, he told me that i'm his soulmate and stuff. He's very honest, and for the first time we met, he told me already then that he just wanted to find his perfect, and just be with her. Have i mentioned that he doesn't party? He rides motocross and have sponsors and stuff, so he's taking that really serious.
Wellwell, what i'm trying to say, is that i meant alot to him, and i don't want to screw up my chance of getting back together again.. So i'll wait till i feel more confident about this, start with being friends and just talk, try to have options when it comes to boys.
You guys know that special feeling, you don't just get for every woman/man you met, well, that boy i'm talking about, i've never ever felt this way before, not even my first crush mean this much as the one i'm getting over right now! And the feelings are mutual, i really did trust him when he told me everyday that he never felt this before.
So i'm just gonna take it easy, i know why we broke up, and honestly, i'ts my fault.. even if it sounds cheesy, i was the bad one in the relationship.
I'm gonna write to him when i feel confident, and i feel that i'm never actually getting over him, even how hard i try..
Thanks again! I appreciate all help.
Hey Edward and a.z!
Sorry for late answer, my internet got shut down :(
I've read all of your answers, and i just have to thank all of you! I'm a stronger person right now,
It's gone 1 month since we last spoke, but i think it's still too early to write to him actually. In earlier answers, i told you that he thought we we're gonna last forever, and he never felt this way for a girl before, he told me that i'm his soulmate and stuff. He's very honest, and for the first time we met, he told me already then that he just wanted to find his perfect, and just be with her. Have i mentioned that he doesn't party? He rides motocross and have sponsors and stuff, so he's taking that really serious.
Wellwell, what i'm trying to say, is that i meant alot to him, and i don't want to screw up my chance of getting back together again.. So i'll wait till i feel more confident about this, start with being friends and just talk, try to have options when it comes to boys.
You guys know that special feeling, you don't just get for every woman/man you met, well, that boy i'm talking about, i've never ever felt this way before, not even my first crush mean this much as the one i'm getting over right now! And the feelings are mutual, i really did trust him when he told me everyday that he never felt this before.
So i'm just gonna take it easy, i know why we broke up, and honestly, i'ts my fault.. even if it sounds cheesy, i was the bad one in the relationship.
I'm gonna write to him when i feel confident, and i feel that i'm never actually getting over him, even how hard i try..
Thanks again! I appreciate all help.
Hey Edward and a.z!
Sorry for late answer, my internet got shut down :(
I've read all of your answers, and i just have to thank all of you! I'm a stronger person right now,
It's gone 1 month since we last spoke, but i think it's still too early to write to him actually. In earlier answers, i told you that he thought we we're gonna last forever, and he never felt this way for a girl before, he told me that i'm his soulmate and stuff. He's very honest, and for the first time we met, he told me already then that he just wanted to find his perfect, and just be with her. Have i mentioned that he doesn't party? He rides motocross and have sponsors and stuff, so he's taking that really serious.
Wellwell, what i'm trying to say, is that i meant alot to him, and i don't want to screw up my chance of getting back together again.. So i'll wait till i feel more confident about this, start with being friends and just talk, try to have options when it comes to boys.
You guys know that special feeling, you don't just get for every woman/man you met, well, that boy i'm talking about, i've never ever felt this way before, not even my first crush mean this much as the one i'm getting over right now! And the feelings are mutual, i really did trust him when he told me everyday that he never felt this before.
So i'm just gonna take it easy, i know why we broke up, and honestly, i'ts my fault.. even if it sounds cheesy, i was the bad one in the relationship.
I'm gonna write to him when i feel confident, and i feel that i'm never actually getting over him, even how hard i try..
Thanks again! I appreciate all help.
Hey Edward and a.z!
Sorry for late answer, my internet got shut down :(
I've read all of your answers, and i just have to thank all of you! I'm a stronger person right now,
It's gone 1 month since we last spoke, but i think it's still too early to write to him actually. In earlier answers, i told you that he thought we we're gonna last forever, and he never felt this way for a girl before, he told me that i'm his soulmate and stuff. He's very honest, and for the first time we met, he told me already then that he just wanted to find his perfect, and just be with her. Have i mentioned that he doesn't party? He rides motocross and have sponsors and stuff, so he's taking that really serious.
Wellwell, what i'm trying to say, is that i meant alot to him, and i don't want to screw up my chance of getting back together again.. So i'll wait till i feel more confident about this, start with being friends and just talk, try to have options when it comes to boys.
You guys know that special feeling, you don't just get for every woman/man you met, well, that boy i'm talking about, i've never ever felt this way before, not even my first crush mean this much as the one i'm getting over right now! And the feelings are mutual, i really did trust him when he told me everyday that he never felt this before.
So i'm just gonna take it easy, i know why we broke up, and honestly, i'ts my fault.. even if it sounds cheesy, i was the bad one in the relationship.
I'm gonna write to him when i feel confident, and i feel that i'm never actually getting over him, even how hard i try..
Thanks again! I appreciate all help.
Hey Edward and a.z!
Sorry for late answer, my internet got shut down :(
I've read all of your answers, and i just have to thank all of you! I'm a stronger person right now,
It's gone 1 month since we last spoke, but i think it's still too early to write to him actually. In earlier answers, i told you that he thought we we're gonna last forever, and he never felt this way for a girl before, he told me that i'm his soulmate and stuff. He's very honest, and for the first time we met, he told me already then that he just wanted to find his perfect, and just be with her. Have i mentioned that he doesn't party? He rides motocross and have sponsors and stuff, so he's taking that really serious.
Wellwell, what i'm trying to say, is that i meant alot to him, and i don't want to screw up my chance of getting back together again.. So i'll wait till i feel more confident about this, start with being friends and just talk, try to have options when it comes to boys.
You guys know that special feeling, you don't just get for every woman/man you met, well, that boy i'm talking about, i've never ever felt this way before, not even my first crush mean this much as the one i'm getting over right now! And the feelings are mutual, i really did trust him when he told me everyday that he never felt this before.
So i'm just gonna take it easy, i know why we broke up, and honestly, i'ts my fault.. even if it sounds cheesy, i was the bad one in the relationship.
I'm gonna write to him when i feel confident, and i feel that i'm never actually getting over him, even how hard i try..
Thanks again! I appreciate all help.
Hey Lovisa,
Giving him and yourself time will definitely help. It will make him remove the negative thoughts about you and remember the happy moments that you two shared. By sticking with NC you will make him miss you. I think you have to try and be happy even without him. Know that there are many guys out there that are also loyal and would do anything to be with their ex, like me haha.. The point is, I know you want him back, just like all of us. It really does us no good thinking and stressing about it. You have to accept that fact, and when you do, you'll find that everything is not as bad as it seems. I know you miss him really much and can't see him. I know you want to show him that you've changed. I know all that because it's what I am going through. I just want one chance to show how much I've changed, and just so you know, I am confident that one day, I will have that chance. So just remember, you're not alone, and be patient. You are special, don't let him decide your happiness (:
the feelings won't go away over a month.you broke NC and he probably knows that you are still there for him.you should follow the plan.
But we broke up last month, i don't think he has feelings for me right now actually! i don't know what to do, i've tried to talk to other boys, but it's something that's missing when i'm talking to them :/
Thanks Edward and A.z for all help, appreciates it alooot. :)
well its great that he still has feelings for you.and why are you worried about only 2 weeks of NC?.he is hurt and maybe he is angry and thats a good sign.seriously if this is the problem, he just needs some time to heal and forget and forgive the past.and the more you try to look happy,the more he feels attracted to you and wants to get back. just don't ever bring anything about the break up or negative memories or getting back together.don't be sad you have a great chance
Hey a.z!
i know, we all just have to focus on ourself now after the break ups and just move on, i'm working on it!
It was kind of blurry actually, he told me when we broke up that he still had feelings for me and hadn't lost them at all, but he gave me all the chances in the world, even when i was mean to him. The last fights were because i was insecure and immature, we had a distance relationship and before the last fights i didn't see him in 2 weeks, i know i did wrong, omg we had a distance relationship, you have to count with not seeing eachother each week. That's why we broke up, my insecurity, it drove me to fight with him all the time. And i told him that 2 weeks after the breakup. He said he wanted to maybe give me another chance, but it was too early.. So we haven't spoke now in about 2 weeks. :/
Hi Edward!
I know i have to move on and let the past go, and that's what i want to. You never know what happends in the future, but i know i will hope even after i let this go, maybe dated some guys and all that that i actually want to have contact with him, and maybe get together again..
He made me feel like there was no other boy for me, and all things he said to me.. like we were meant for eachother, god i just want a chance in the future :/
don't worry lovisa,you will get a chance to meet him if you follow the plan the right way.don't be disappointed.its not really that bad of a situation that you can't get out of.you need time.and since its not that long after the breakup i think NC will work for you.its a time that you can heal from the break up,and give him a space to forget the bad memories,remember the good ones and begin to miss you.and its up to you how to create the miss you feelings.the key is that you should be happy happy happy.you can easily use your facebook in your advantage.there is a chance that he contacts you before NC is over and you shouldn't respond to it.the real thing is almost non of our exes gave us the real reason for the breakup.there are certain reasons that lead to loss of attraction.all of them kinda lost their attraction for us and its not that hard to attract them again.i was in way more difficult situation than yours and i came out of it.you need to trust yourself and the plan.if you do it right, your chances get really high.and read ryan river's relationship rewind as kevin suggested.it is really helpful and gives you a wonderful perspective of your relationship and how to rewind it.
the feelings won't go away over a month.you broke NC and he probably knows that you are still there for him.you should follow the plan.
But we broke up last month, i don't think he has feelings for me right now actually! i don't know what to do, i've tried to talk to other boys, but it's something that's missing when i'm talking to them :/
Thanks Edward and A.z for all help, appreciates it alooot. :)
well its great that he still has feelings for you.and why are you worried about only 2 weeks of NC?.he is hurt and maybe he is angry and thats a good sign.seriously if this is the problem, he just needs some time to heal and forget and forgive the past.and the more you try to look happy,the more he feels attracted to you and wants to get back. just don't ever bring anything about the break up or negative memories or getting back together.don't be sad you have a great chance
Hey a.z!
i know, we all just have to focus on ourself now after the break ups and just move on, i'm working on it!
It was kind of blurry actually, he told me when we broke up that he still had feelings for me and hadn't lost them at all, but he gave me all the chances in the world, even when i was mean to him. The last fights were because i was insecure and immature, we had a distance relationship and before the last fights i didn't see him in 2 weeks, i know i did wrong, omg we had a distance relationship, you have to count with not seeing eachother each week. That's why we broke up, my insecurity, it drove me to fight with him all the time. And i told him that 2 weeks after the breakup. He said he wanted to maybe give me another chance, but it was too early.. So we haven't spoke now in about 2 weeks. :/
Hi Edward!
I know i have to move on and let the past go, and that's what i want to. You never know what happends in the future, but i know i will hope even after i let this go, maybe dated some guys and all that that i actually want to have contact with him, and maybe get together again..
He made me feel like there was no other boy for me, and all things he said to me.. like we were meant for eachother, god i just want a chance in the future :/
don't worry lovisa,you will get a chance to meet him if you follow the plan the right way.don't be disappointed.its not really that bad of a situation that you can't get out of.you need time.and since its not that long after the breakup i think NC will work for you.its a time that you can heal from the break up,and give him a space to forget the bad memories,remember the good ones and begin to miss you.and its up to you how to create the miss you feelings.the key is that you should be happy happy happy.you can easily use your facebook in your advantage.there is a chance that he contacts you before NC is over and you shouldn't respond to it.the real thing is almost non of our exes gave us the real reason for the breakup.there are certain reasons that lead to loss of attraction.all of them kinda lost their attraction for us and its not that hard to attract them again.i was in way more difficult situation than yours and i came out of it.you need to trust yourself and the plan.if you do it right, your chances get really high.and read ryan river's relationship rewind as kevin suggested.it is really helpful and gives you a wonderful perspective of your relationship and how to rewind it.
the feelings won't go away over a month.you broke NC and he probably knows that you are still there for him.you should follow the plan.
But we broke up last month, i don't think he has feelings for me right now actually! i don't know what to do, i've tried to talk to other boys, but it's something that's missing when i'm talking to them :/
Thanks Edward and A.z for all help, appreciates it alooot. :)
well its great that he still has feelings for you.and why are you worried about only 2 weeks of NC?.he is hurt and maybe he is angry and thats a good sign.seriously if this is the problem, he just needs some time to heal and forget and forgive the past.and the more you try to look happy,the more he feels attracted to you and wants to get back. just don't ever bring anything about the break up or negative memories or getting back together.don't be sad you have a great chance
Hey a.z!
i know, we all just have to focus on ourself now after the break ups and just move on, i'm working on it!
It was kind of blurry actually, he told me when we broke up that he still had feelings for me and hadn't lost them at all, but he gave me all the chances in the world, even when i was mean to him. The last fights were because i was insecure and immature, we had a distance relationship and before the last fights i didn't see him in 2 weeks, i know i did wrong, omg we had a distance relationship, you have to count with not seeing eachother each week. That's why we broke up, my insecurity, it drove me to fight with him all the time. And i told him that 2 weeks after the breakup. He said he wanted to maybe give me another chance, but it was too early.. So we haven't spoke now in about 2 weeks. :/
Hi Edward!
I know i have to move on and let the past go, and that's what i want to. You never know what happends in the future, but i know i will hope even after i let this go, maybe dated some guys and all that that i actually want to have contact with him, and maybe get together again..
He made me feel like there was no other boy for me, and all things he said to me.. like we were meant for eachother, god i just want a chance in the future :/
don't worry lovisa,you will get a chance to meet him if you follow the plan the right way.don't be disappointed.its not really that bad of a situation that you can't get out of.you need time.and since its not that long after the breakup i think NC will work for you.its a time that you can heal from the break up,and give him a space to forget the bad memories,remember the good ones and begin to miss you.and its up to you how to create the miss you feelings.the key is that you should be happy happy happy.you can easily use your facebook in your advantage.there is a chance that he contacts you before NC is over and you shouldn't respond to it.the real thing is almost non of our exes gave us the real reason for the breakup.there are certain reasons that lead to loss of attraction.all of them kinda lost their attraction for us and its not that hard to attract them again.i was in way more difficult situation than yours and i came out of it.you need to trust yourself and the plan.if you do it right, your chances get really high.and read ryan river's relationship rewind as kevin suggested.it is really helpful and gives you a wonderful perspective of your relationship and how to rewind it.
the feelings won't go away over a month.you broke NC and he probably knows that you are still there for him.you should follow the plan.
But we broke up last month, i don't think he has feelings for me right now actually! i don't know what to do, i've tried to talk to other boys, but it's something that's missing when i'm talking to them :/
Thanks Edward and A.z for all help, appreciates it alooot. :)
well its great that he still has feelings for you.and why are you worried about only 2 weeks of NC?.he is hurt and maybe he is angry and thats a good sign.seriously if this is the problem, he just needs some time to heal and forget and forgive the past.and the more you try to look happy,the more he feels attracted to you and wants to get back. just don't ever bring anything about the break up or negative memories or getting back together.don't be sad you have a great chance
Hey a.z!
i know, we all just have to focus on ourself now after the break ups and just move on, i'm working on it!
It was kind of blurry actually, he told me when we broke up that he still had feelings for me and hadn't lost them at all, but he gave me all the chances in the world, even when i was mean to him. The last fights were because i was insecure and immature, we had a distance relationship and before the last fights i didn't see him in 2 weeks, i know i did wrong, omg we had a distance relationship, you have to count with not seeing eachother each week. That's why we broke up, my insecurity, it drove me to fight with him all the time. And i told him that 2 weeks after the breakup. He said he wanted to maybe give me another chance, but it was too early.. So we haven't spoke now in about 2 weeks. :/
Hi Edward!
I know i have to move on and let the past go, and that's what i want to. You never know what happends in the future, but i know i will hope even after i let this go, maybe dated some guys and all that that i actually want to have contact with him, and maybe get together again..
He made me feel like there was no other boy for me, and all things he said to me.. like we were meant for eachother, god i just want a chance in the future :/
don't worry lovisa,you will get a chance to meet him if you follow the plan the right way.don't be disappointed.its not really that bad of a situation that you can't get out of.you need time.and since its not that long after the breakup i think NC will work for you.its a time that you can heal from the break up,and give him a space to forget the bad memories,remember the good ones and begin to miss you.and its up to you how to create the miss you feelings.the key is that you should be happy happy happy.you can easily use your facebook in your advantage.there is a chance that he contacts you before NC is over and you shouldn't respond to it.the real thing is almost non of our exes gave us the real reason for the breakup.there are certain reasons that lead to loss of attraction.all of them kinda lost their attraction for us and its not that hard to attract them again.i was in way more difficult situation than yours and i came out of it.you need to trust yourself and the plan.if you do it right, your chances get really high.and read ryan river's relationship rewind as kevin suggested.it is really helpful and gives you a wonderful perspective of your relationship and how to rewind it.
the feelings won't go away over a month.you broke NC and he probably knows that you are still there for him.you should follow the plan.
But we broke up last month, i don't think he has feelings for me right now actually! i don't know what to do, i've tried to talk to other boys, but it's something that's missing when i'm talking to them :/
Thanks Edward and A.z for all help, appreciates it alooot. :)
well its great that he still has feelings for you.and why are you worried about only 2 weeks of NC?.he is hurt and maybe he is angry and thats a good sign.seriously if this is the problem, he just needs some time to heal and forget and forgive the past.and the more you try to look happy,the more he feels attracted to you and wants to get back. just don't ever bring anything about the break up or negative memories or getting back together.don't be sad you have a great chance
Hey a.z!
i know, we all just have to focus on ourself now after the break ups and just move on, i'm working on it!
It was kind of blurry actually, he told me when we broke up that he still had feelings for me and hadn't lost them at all, but he gave me all the chances in the world, even when i was mean to him. The last fights were because i was insecure and immature, we had a distance relationship and before the last fights i didn't see him in 2 weeks, i know i did wrong, omg we had a distance relationship, you have to count with not seeing eachother each week. That's why we broke up, my insecurity, it drove me to fight with him all the time. And i told him that 2 weeks after the breakup. He said he wanted to maybe give me another chance, but it was too early.. So we haven't spoke now in about 2 weeks. :/
Hi Edward!
I know i have to move on and let the past go, and that's what i want to. You never know what happends in the future, but i know i will hope even after i let this go, maybe dated some guys and all that that i actually want to have contact with him, and maybe get together again..
He made me feel like there was no other boy for me, and all things he said to me.. like we were meant for eachother, god i just want a chance in the future :/
don't worry lovisa,you will get a chance to meet him if you follow the plan the right way.don't be disappointed.its not really that bad of a situation that you can't get out of.you need time.and since its not that long after the breakup i think NC will work for you.its a time that you can heal from the break up,and give him a space to forget the bad memories,remember the good ones and begin to miss you.and its up to you how to create the miss you feelings.the key is that you should be happy happy happy.you can easily use your facebook in your advantage.there is a chance that he contacts you before NC is over and you shouldn't respond to it.the real thing is almost non of our exes gave us the real reason for the breakup.there are certain reasons that lead to loss of attraction.all of them kinda lost their attraction for us and its not that hard to attract them again.i was in way more difficult situation than yours and i came out of it.you need to trust yourself and the plan.if you do it right, your chances get really high.and read ryan river's relationship rewind as kevin suggested.it is really helpful and gives you a wonderful perspective of your relationship and how to rewind it.
Hey Lovisa,
When I apologized to my ex, she also said that it was difficult and needs to think about it. Soon after, like 1 to 2 weeks, I asked her if she had made her decision, she was unsure and said it was too soon. I am doing NC now because I realized that it has to be her decision to get back. It's been 3 months since our break up and she still has feelings for me.
Memories can't be forgotten so easily, and when they come back, it will remind you oryour ex of the times you two had. It will make him miss you and have the urge to contact. That's why I think NC will help because it helps you remove that neediness. I know you're afraid of the outcome, but I can tell you that it will be worth it. It will truly show your ex that you've grown, and even if it doesn't, you are still going to be happy for yourself and no one else. I know you think he's the one, I feel the same of my ex. The best way to increase the chances is to work on yourself and to be happy without him. It's what I am doing and everyday I feel happier and free, I still love my ex very much, and at the same time, I don't have to worry about getting her back or not. Having this abundance mindset will bring you wonders, just be happy and your life will follow. Remember, don't worry so much about getting him back or not, worry about how to be happy without him (:
Hey Lovisa,
Giving him and yourself time will definitely help. It will make him remove the negative thoughts about you and remember the happy moments that you two shared. By sticking with NC you will make him miss you. I think you have to try and be happy even without him. Know that there are many guys out there that are also loyal and would do anything to be with their ex, like me haha.. The point is, I know you want him back, just like all of us. It really does us no good thinking and stressing about it. You have to accept that fact, and when you do, you'll find that everything is not as bad as it seems. I know you miss him really much and can't see him. I know you want to show him that you've changed. I know all that because it's what I am going through. I just want one chance to show how much I've changed, and just so you know, I am confident that one day, I will have that chance. So just remember, you're not alone, and be patient. You are special, don't let him decide your happiness (:
Hey Lovisa,
When I apologized to my ex, she also said that it was difficult and needs to think about it. Soon after, like 1 to 2 weeks, I asked her if she had made her decision, she was unsure and said it was too soon. I am doing NC now because I realized that it has to be her decision to get back. It's been 3 months since our break up and she still has feelings for me.
Memories can't be forgotten so easily, and when they come back, it will remind you oryour ex of the times you two had. It will make him miss you and have the urge to contact. That's why I think NC will help because it helps you remove that neediness. I know you're afraid of the outcome, but I can tell you that it will be worth it. It will truly show your ex that you've grown, and even if it doesn't, you are still going to be happy for yourself and no one else. I know you think he's the one, I feel the same of my ex. The best way to increase the chances is to work on yourself and to be happy without him. It's what I am doing and everyday I feel happier and free, I still love my ex very much, and at the same time, I don't have to worry about getting her back or not. Having this abundance mindset will bring you wonders, just be happy and your life will follow. Remember, don't worry so much about getting him back or not, worry about how to be happy without him (:
Hey Lovisa,
Giving him and yourself time will definitely help. It will make him remove the negative thoughts about you and remember the happy moments that you two shared. By sticking with NC you will make him miss you. I think you have to try and be happy even without him. Know that there are many guys out there that are also loyal and would do anything to be with their ex, like me haha.. The point is, I know you want him back, just like all of us. It really does us no good thinking and stressing about it. You have to accept that fact, and when you do, you'll find that everything is not as bad as it seems. I know you miss him really much and can't see him. I know you want to show him that you've changed. I know all that because it's what I am going through. I just want one chance to show how much I've changed, and just so you know, I am confident that one day, I will have that chance. So just remember, you're not alone, and be patient. You are special, don't let him decide your happiness (:
Hey Lovisa,
When I apologized to my ex, she also said that it was difficult and needs to think about it. Soon after, like 1 to 2 weeks, I asked her if she had made her decision, she was unsure and said it was too soon. I am doing NC now because I realized that it has to be her decision to get back. It's been 3 months since our break up and she still has feelings for me.
Memories can't be forgotten so easily, and when they come back, it will remind you oryour ex of the times you two had. It will make him miss you and have the urge to contact. That's why I think NC will help because it helps you remove that neediness. I know you're afraid of the outcome, but I can tell you that it will be worth it. It will truly show your ex that you've grown, and even if it doesn't, you are still going to be happy for yourself and no one else. I know you think he's the one, I feel the same of my ex. The best way to increase the chances is to work on yourself and to be happy without him. It's what I am doing and everyday I feel happier and free, I still love my ex very much, and at the same time, I don't have to worry about getting her back or not. Having this abundance mindset will bring you wonders, just be happy and your life will follow. Remember, don't worry so much about getting him back or not, worry about how to be happy without him (:
Hey Lovisa,
Giving him and yourself time will definitely help. It will make him remove the negative thoughts about you and remember the happy moments that you two shared. By sticking with NC you will make him miss you. I think you have to try and be happy even without him. Know that there are many guys out there that are also loyal and would do anything to be with their ex, like me haha.. The point is, I know you want him back, just like all of us. It really does us no good thinking and stressing about it. You have to accept that fact, and when you do, you'll find that everything is not as bad as it seems. I know you miss him really much and can't see him. I know you want to show him that you've changed. I know all that because it's what I am going through. I just want one chance to show how much I've changed, and just so you know, I am confident that one day, I will have that chance. So just remember, you're not alone, and be patient. You are special, don't let him decide your happiness (:
I'm sorry to hear that your story is the same like mine a.z!
Problem is, he had never done something bad against me, he was always loyal, didn't play around, did everything to be with me.. i knew he's the right guy, when he told me that he had never felt this way before, and started to talk about the future with me right after 2 months together i felt so happy! never been this comfortable in a relationship before..
Hi Edward! i know i'm young, but i know how i feel too, it's weird because i was really insecure with other guys before, but with him, i was so comfortable :/
The main thing i want to happen right now, is by time he forgives me, although i told him 2 weeks after the breakup i knew i did wrong. We broke up because of my fights, and i hope we can move further that in the future so he can see that i'm more mature now
But, he's living 2h away from me, and i don't see a solution to this! i want to meet him, but still he's living far away :(
Do you guys think i have a chance if i give this time? :(
Thanks for your help a.z and Edward!
I'm sorry to hear that your story is the same like mine a.z!
Problem is, he had never done something bad against me, he was always loyal, didn't play around, did everything to be with me.. i knew he's the right guy, when he told me that he had never felt this way before, and started to talk about the future with me right after 2 months together i felt so happy! never been this comfortable in a relationship before..
Hi Edward! i know i'm young, but i know how i feel too, it's weird because i was really insecure with other guys before, but with him, i was so comfortable :/
The main thing i want to happen right now, is by time he forgives me, although i told him 2 weeks after the breakup i knew i did wrong. We broke up because of my fights, and i hope we can move further that in the future so he can see that i'm more mature now
But, he's living 2h away from me, and i don't see a solution to this! i want to meet him, but still he's living far away :(
Do you guys think i have a chance if i give this time? :(
Thanks for your help a.z and Edward!
hey lovisa,
your story is kinda like mine.we also broke up because of too much fighting during the last month or so.you would have been better continue NC,but it's ok now.its already done and its in the past.go on NC again and give yourself some time to heal from the breakup and let him forget the bad memories,work on yourself and become a happy person again.it looks too hard but be sure you will get a good result.don't worry about him getting to know someone new.he doesn't start a new relationship.even if he does,its more probably a rebound and its not gonna last for a long time.you need to be cool and don't show any obsession,don't stalk him on fb or instagram or anything.try to look happy,avoid sad status updates,show him you are having a great life without him.then when your NC is finished you can initiate contact without looking needy.it works.sign up to kevin's email series it helps you a lot.and you do have a chance.
Good luck
Hi Lovisa,
I agree with a.z., NC will help you improve yourself, and make you less worried about getting him back or not. You are so young and it's summer! What I think you should do is relax and enjoy summer with you friends, if you keep him off your mind while you have fun, I'm sure he will contact you. And when he does, remember not reply right away or it'll make you seem too needy. My ex she says she loves me and I think she's the one too, but from my experience, there's really nothing much you can do if he doesn't initiate contact, you'll just end up chasing and seem needy. So just start NC again and enjoy summer hehe, good luck!
hey lovisa,
your story is kinda like mine.we also broke up because of too much fighting during the last month or so.you would have been better continue NC,but it's ok now.its already done and its in the past.go on NC again and give yourself some time to heal from the breakup and let him forget the bad memories,work on yourself and become a happy person again.it looks too hard but be sure you will get a good result.don't worry about him getting to know someone new.he doesn't start a new relationship.even if he does,its more probably a rebound and its not gonna last for a long time.you need to be cool and don't show any obsession,don't stalk him on fb or instagram or anything.try to look happy,avoid sad status updates,show him you are having a great life without him.then when your NC is finished you can initiate contact without looking needy.it works.sign up to kevin's email series it helps you a lot.and you do have a chance.
Good luck
Hello everybody
I decided to do my story after reading other people's stories. It started one and a half year ago, my dad's new girlfriend moved in. My world changed, two months later her 17 year old daughter has to stay with us for 3 months after her dad went on a vacation for 3 months. We slept the same bedroom. We started sharing, watching movies together and after 3 weeks we went into a hidden relationship. We knew our situation would be akward and we wanted to be sure. After 5 weeks we knew it. We were born for each other. This went good for one year of pure love, no arguments, just laying in each others arms all the time. After one year things home had gotten worse, me and her mom argued a lot and things gone bad. We moved out together to an appartment. After three months there things had gotten worse in our relationship, the relation went from fantastic mountains to the depth of the sea. My girlfriend having bad school results ended up in her moving back together with our parents. I couldn't live with this, I felt like her mom won the game and got us finally from being together. We argued a lot, we felt miserable we stopped the relationship. I did all the stupid mistakes mentioned in the text. My whole world crashed. This is about 25 days ago. I started the NC rule about one week after the breakup. After one week she already started dating. It's a random guy who nobody of our common friends like. She is seeing this guy for three weeks now.. Acting like she has no worries on her mind. I broke no contact one time, and its now about 10 days ago since that last text message. I felt so broken after she could forget a 1,5 year relationship of living together in one week. She brought that GARY two weeks after our breakup to our friend group. I felt so miserable those days. My whole world crashed again, like the breakup wasn't enough. She broke my heart two times. I strictly apply the NO contact rule at this moment. Yesterday we accidentally met again with common friends. I didn't really watch her and neither did she with me. We just talked with friends and both had some laughs but not together :). I don't know what to do next, something inside tells me she is the love of my life but my other half feels like being cheated on with this new GARY. I think i'm the only one suffering from this relationship.
Hi Niels,
I think you should apply NC and if you were to hangout with your friends, you have to be ready to see her without feeling down. If you are not ready, don't go this time. You want to have fun and feel positive, happy, confident and great without your ex. When you are with your ex, she an feel your positive or negative energy by the way you act. You have to truly be happy and confident to attract her back and that is what NC is for. My ex is also seeing someone as well and it's difficult to not think about it. But I know that I am better than him, and I keep telling myself that so I can improve myself. Don't let the other guy or your ex keep you from growing stronger, you deserve better =). I'm in NC right now, and I know the only thing I can change is myself, no one can love myself better than I can. I want to be naturally happy and whether my ex sees me or not after NC, I want to be at my best at all times and you should too. This is a time that we can improve ourselves and getting to that version 2.0 of you really depends on yourself and your efforts. So don't give up and try not to feel sad without being with your ex because it will do you no good. Good luck!
Hello, Thanks for replying, I already worked on myself and will keep trying to improve more. It's good to know I'm not the only one in this kind of situation.
Do you people think there is a chance we will get back together in the future , as I have been really working on myself, a lot of people told me I'm looking good etc, did haircut, new clothes, no glasses anymore etc, working out. Is it possible for her to come back to me or is everything gonna turn out on me? She seems happy, Although I know this might be not true.
Hey people, Its been three weeks of no contact now and I really struggled this week. I felt like she forgot me. Lately friends of me told me she is been drinking a lot, even to the point where she is totally waisted.. Something she is not used to be like.. Another friend of me told me her new "hidden" relationship isn't going as great and she still misses me. But yet she hasn't contacted me. She texted me one week ago as I mentioned above. Also I think she will try to rush things with her new crush to the point where they will be having sex. Totally don't like that part.. even if we would be back together I would really struggle with that. Should I wait for her to start messaging me again? It feels like I am losing her more and more and more.. It feels like she doesn't miss me at all.. And why didn't she make her new relationship public yet?
Hey Niels,
Not necessarily, my ex is hiding her relationship too. She wouldn't admit to it and won't tell me that they are going out when obviously I see them holding hands. I hate it when my mind thinks about what they are doing. She can be hiding it from me for various reasons. One may be she doesn't want to hurt me, another may be she wants to take it slow and doesn't want me to bother her. If she didn't care, she would just be in the relationship regardless of how I feel.
Let me ask you this, what can you do about it if she is in relationship? She might be trying to find you in this guy, or trying to sort out her problems with the old relationship. Either way, it's her decision and her choice. Let it go, our exes are seeing new people, all relationships are bound to have problems. You and her have history, if you can get rid of this jealousy, you will be ahead. Time will make you realize that there's nothing much you can do but to go NC. I know it's hard, I am going through the exact same thing. Its been three months since my break up, and I've been chasing for far too long. Take this time to improve yourself, ignore this new guy, work on yourself. Don't let jealousy control your emotions, accept the break up. Sorry for this feeling, I want you to be happy, stay strong. Give yourself hope if it helps you to move on, use your anger to work on your goals. Women love men who knows what they are doing with their lives. Feeling miserable is not one of them. After a while, you'll realize what I do. Keep your head up, smile (: hope you feel better.
Today mutual friends told me she is in a hidden relationship with the guy who she has been dating. She is keeping, or trying to keep it secret. I guess that means she is trying for a real relationship. Me thinking about her doing things with this new guy makes me feel sick in my stomach. I guess this was it, chances that it is a rebound is less likely if she's trying to hide it.
probably yes.i think she kinda felt that you are moving on.keep what you are doing.show that you are really happy and having a good time and you can use your facebook to do this.the more you she think that your ok with the breakup,the more attracted she will be.don't break NC until 30 day is over.let her miss you and think that she might be losing you forever.work on yourself and become a really confident happy person.
Hey all
The day after she had sent me that text message "Do you still have my history book ? X " Which I didn't reply. She sent me again "I'll search harder then..". I replied "No didn't find anything" this was around 22:00. The next day she sent me another message around 5 am in the morning before she went to work "Yes thats what I thought so..". I didn't reply to this neither, is she feeling the NC, and trying to put herself back on my mind?
good,if she contacts you again insisting to get back her books or...,tell her she can come over and pack her things whenever she wants.then look good,be cool,act like you have never been in a relationship with her and don't talk about the breakup.every other thing that you say should be short and not personal.and the time should be as short as possible like you have to go out join your friends or anything like that.
Today she contacted me, if I still had some schoolbook orsomthing of her. Didn't reply to it.
its good that your improving yourself niels.follow the plan,keep what your doing and continue NC.you do have a chance to get her back.
I think that our ex's may have lost trust in us. One of the reasons why they wont take us back could be because they are afraid that we might hurt them again. It takes time to regain that trust, you have to show them slowly. I think that trust is very important in a relationship. Even if we get back to our ex's after NC, we would have to trust one another again, so don't give up and be honest.
Hey Edward, yeah I know how it feels mate. We gotta be strong and keep working. I hope there will come a day where we can back together but even then, the trust has been hurt if you know what i mean. How do you think about this?
Hey Niels,
You're not the only one, the other guy keeps contacting my ex and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I've realized that if you can't change someone, then the only one you can change is yourself. It's good to see that you have done it, keep it up. If you apply NC, you will have a better chance of getting your ex back. Nothing will turn on you if you continue to be confident, attactive and happy. After NC, she will wonder where you went and will be looking forward to meeting you when you or her contact each other. You will be emotionally and physically ready to meet her and everything will work out. So yes, you will have a chance of being together, after 30 days of NC go ahead and contact her using the texts above.
Hey people, Its been three weeks of no contact now and I really struggled this week. I felt like she forgot me. Lately friends of me told me she is been drinking a lot, even to the point where she is totally waisted.. Something she is not used to be like.. Another friend of me told me her new "hidden" relationship isn't going as great and she still misses me. But yet she hasn't contacted me. She texted me one week ago as I mentioned above. Also I think she will try to rush things with her new crush to the point where they will be having sex. Totally don't like that part.. even if we would be back together I would really struggle with that. Should I wait for her to start messaging me again? It feels like I am losing her more and more and more.. It feels like she doesn't miss me at all.. And why didn't she make her new relationship public yet?
Hey Niels,
Not necessarily, my ex is hiding her relationship too. She wouldn't admit to it and won't tell me that they are going out when obviously I see them holding hands. I hate it when my mind thinks about what they are doing. She can be hiding it from me for various reasons. One may be she doesn't want to hurt me, another may be she wants to take it slow and doesn't want me to bother her. If she didn't care, she would just be in the relationship regardless of how I feel.
Let me ask you this, what can you do about it if she is in relationship? She might be trying to find you in this guy, or trying to sort out her problems with the old relationship. Either way, it's her decision and her choice. Let it go, our exes are seeing new people, all relationships are bound to have problems. You and her have history, if you can get rid of this jealousy, you will be ahead. Time will make you realize that there's nothing much you can do but to go NC. I know it's hard, I am going through the exact same thing. Its been three months since my break up, and I've been chasing for far too long. Take this time to improve yourself, ignore this new guy, work on yourself. Don't let jealousy control your emotions, accept the break up. Sorry for this feeling, I want you to be happy, stay strong. Give yourself hope if it helps you to move on, use your anger to work on your goals. Women love men who knows what they are doing with their lives. Feeling miserable is not one of them. After a while, you'll realize what I do. Keep your head up, smile (: hope you feel better.
Today mutual friends told me she is in a hidden relationship with the guy who she has been dating. She is keeping, or trying to keep it secret. I guess that means she is trying for a real relationship. Me thinking about her doing things with this new guy makes me feel sick in my stomach. I guess this was it, chances that it is a rebound is less likely if she's trying to hide it.
probably yes.i think she kinda felt that you are moving on.keep what you are doing.show that you are really happy and having a good time and you can use your facebook to do this.the more you she think that your ok with the breakup,the more attracted she will be.don't break NC until 30 day is over.let her miss you and think that she might be losing you forever.work on yourself and become a really confident happy person.
Hey all
The day after she had sent me that text message "Do you still have my history book ? X " Which I didn't reply. She sent me again "I'll search harder then..". I replied "No didn't find anything" this was around 22:00. The next day she sent me another message around 5 am in the morning before she went to work "Yes thats what I thought so..". I didn't reply to this neither, is she feeling the NC, and trying to put herself back on my mind?
good,if she contacts you again insisting to get back her books or...,tell her she can come over and pack her things whenever she wants.then look good,be cool,act like you have never been in a relationship with her and don't talk about the breakup.every other thing that you say should be short and not personal.and the time should be as short as possible like you have to go out join your friends or anything like that.
Today she contacted me, if I still had some schoolbook orsomthing of her. Didn't reply to it.
its good that your improving yourself niels.follow the plan,keep what your doing and continue NC.you do have a chance to get her back.
I think that our ex's may have lost trust in us. One of the reasons why they wont take us back could be because they are afraid that we might hurt them again. It takes time to regain that trust, you have to show them slowly. I think that trust is very important in a relationship. Even if we get back to our ex's after NC, we would have to trust one another again, so don't give up and be honest.
Hey Edward, yeah I know how it feels mate. We gotta be strong and keep working. I hope there will come a day where we can back together but even then, the trust has been hurt if you know what i mean. How do you think about this?
Hey Niels,
You're not the only one, the other guy keeps contacting my ex and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I've realized that if you can't change someone, then the only one you can change is yourself. It's good to see that you have done it, keep it up. If you apply NC, you will have a better chance of getting your ex back. Nothing will turn on you if you continue to be confident, attactive and happy. After NC, she will wonder where you went and will be looking forward to meeting you when you or her contact each other. You will be emotionally and physically ready to meet her and everything will work out. So yes, you will have a chance of being together, after 30 days of NC go ahead and contact her using the texts above.
Hey people, Its been three weeks of no contact now and I really struggled this week. I felt like she forgot me. Lately friends of me told me she is been drinking a lot, even to the point where she is totally waisted.. Something she is not used to be like.. Another friend of me told me her new "hidden" relationship isn't going as great and she still misses me. But yet she hasn't contacted me. She texted me one week ago as I mentioned above. Also I think she will try to rush things with her new crush to the point where they will be having sex. Totally don't like that part.. even if we would be back together I would really struggle with that. Should I wait for her to start messaging me again? It feels like I am losing her more and more and more.. It feels like she doesn't miss me at all.. And why didn't she make her new relationship public yet?
Hey Niels,
Not necessarily, my ex is hiding her relationship too. She wouldn't admit to it and won't tell me that they are going out when obviously I see them holding hands. I hate it when my mind thinks about what they are doing. She can be hiding it from me for various reasons. One may be she doesn't want to hurt me, another may be she wants to take it slow and doesn't want me to bother her. If she didn't care, she would just be in the relationship regardless of how I feel.
Let me ask you this, what can you do about it if she is in relationship? She might be trying to find you in this guy, or trying to sort out her problems with the old relationship. Either way, it's her decision and her choice. Let it go, our exes are seeing new people, all relationships are bound to have problems. You and her have history, if you can get rid of this jealousy, you will be ahead. Time will make you realize that there's nothing much you can do but to go NC. I know it's hard, I am going through the exact same thing. Its been three months since my break up, and I've been chasing for far too long. Take this time to improve yourself, ignore this new guy, work on yourself. Don't let jealousy control your emotions, accept the break up. Sorry for this feeling, I want you to be happy, stay strong. Give yourself hope if it helps you to move on, use your anger to work on your goals. Women love men who knows what they are doing with their lives. Feeling miserable is not one of them. After a while, you'll realize what I do. Keep your head up, smile (: hope you feel better.
Today mutual friends told me she is in a hidden relationship with the guy who she has been dating. She is keeping, or trying to keep it secret. I guess that means she is trying for a real relationship. Me thinking about her doing things with this new guy makes me feel sick in my stomach. I guess this was it, chances that it is a rebound is less likely if she's trying to hide it.
probably yes.i think she kinda felt that you are moving on.keep what you are doing.show that you are really happy and having a good time and you can use your facebook to do this.the more you she think that your ok with the breakup,the more attracted she will be.don't break NC until 30 day is over.let her miss you and think that she might be losing you forever.work on yourself and become a really confident happy person.
Hey all
The day after she had sent me that text message "Do you still have my history book ? X " Which I didn't reply. She sent me again "I'll search harder then..". I replied "No didn't find anything" this was around 22:00. The next day she sent me another message around 5 am in the morning before she went to work "Yes thats what I thought so..". I didn't reply to this neither, is she feeling the NC, and trying to put herself back on my mind?
good,if she contacts you again insisting to get back her books or...,tell her she can come over and pack her things whenever she wants.then look good,be cool,act like you have never been in a relationship with her and don't talk about the breakup.every other thing that you say should be short and not personal.and the time should be as short as possible like you have to go out join your friends or anything like that.
Today she contacted me, if I still had some schoolbook orsomthing of her. Didn't reply to it.
its good that your improving yourself niels.follow the plan,keep what your doing and continue NC.you do have a chance to get her back.
I think that our ex's may have lost trust in us. One of the reasons why they wont take us back could be because they are afraid that we might hurt them again. It takes time to regain that trust, you have to show them slowly. I think that trust is very important in a relationship. Even if we get back to our ex's after NC, we would have to trust one another again, so don't give up and be honest.
Hey Edward, yeah I know how it feels mate. We gotta be strong and keep working. I hope there will come a day where we can back together but even then, the trust has been hurt if you know what i mean. How do you think about this?
Hey Niels,
You're not the only one, the other guy keeps contacting my ex and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I've realized that if you can't change someone, then the only one you can change is yourself. It's good to see that you have done it, keep it up. If you apply NC, you will have a better chance of getting your ex back. Nothing will turn on you if you continue to be confident, attactive and happy. After NC, she will wonder where you went and will be looking forward to meeting you when you or her contact each other. You will be emotionally and physically ready to meet her and everything will work out. So yes, you will have a chance of being together, after 30 days of NC go ahead and contact her using the texts above.
Hey people, Its been three weeks of no contact now and I really struggled this week. I felt like she forgot me. Lately friends of me told me she is been drinking a lot, even to the point where she is totally waisted.. Something she is not used to be like.. Another friend of me told me her new "hidden" relationship isn't going as great and she still misses me. But yet she hasn't contacted me. She texted me one week ago as I mentioned above. Also I think she will try to rush things with her new crush to the point where they will be having sex. Totally don't like that part.. even if we would be back together I would really struggle with that. Should I wait for her to start messaging me again? It feels like I am losing her more and more and more.. It feels like she doesn't miss me at all.. And why didn't she make her new relationship public yet?
Hey Niels,
Not necessarily, my ex is hiding her relationship too. She wouldn't admit to it and won't tell me that they are going out when obviously I see them holding hands. I hate it when my mind thinks about what they are doing. She can be hiding it from me for various reasons. One may be she doesn't want to hurt me, another may be she wants to take it slow and doesn't want me to bother her. If she didn't care, she would just be in the relationship regardless of how I feel.
Let me ask you this, what can you do about it if she is in relationship? She might be trying to find you in this guy, or trying to sort out her problems with the old relationship. Either way, it's her decision and her choice. Let it go, our exes are seeing new people, all relationships are bound to have problems. You and her have history, if you can get rid of this jealousy, you will be ahead. Time will make you realize that there's nothing much you can do but to go NC. I know it's hard, I am going through the exact same thing. Its been three months since my break up, and I've been chasing for far too long. Take this time to improve yourself, ignore this new guy, work on yourself. Don't let jealousy control your emotions, accept the break up. Sorry for this feeling, I want you to be happy, stay strong. Give yourself hope if it helps you to move on, use your anger to work on your goals. Women love men who knows what they are doing with their lives. Feeling miserable is not one of them. After a while, you'll realize what I do. Keep your head up, smile (: hope you feel better.
Today mutual friends told me she is in a hidden relationship with the guy who she has been dating. She is keeping, or trying to keep it secret. I guess that means she is trying for a real relationship. Me thinking about her doing things with this new guy makes me feel sick in my stomach. I guess this was it, chances that it is a rebound is less likely if she's trying to hide it.
probably yes.i think she kinda felt that you are moving on.keep what you are doing.show that you are really happy and having a good time and you can use your facebook to do this.the more you she think that your ok with the breakup,the more attracted she will be.don't break NC until 30 day is over.let her miss you and think that she might be losing you forever.work on yourself and become a really confident happy person.
Hey all
The day after she had sent me that text message "Do you still have my history book ? X " Which I didn't reply. She sent me again "I'll search harder then..". I replied "No didn't find anything" this was around 22:00. The next day she sent me another message around 5 am in the morning before she went to work "Yes thats what I thought so..". I didn't reply to this neither, is she feeling the NC, and trying to put herself back on my mind?
good,if she contacts you again insisting to get back her books or...,tell her she can come over and pack her things whenever she wants.then look good,be cool,act like you have never been in a relationship with her and don't talk about the breakup.every other thing that you say should be short and not personal.and the time should be as short as possible like you have to go out join your friends or anything like that.
Today she contacted me, if I still had some schoolbook orsomthing of her. Didn't reply to it.
its good that your improving yourself niels.follow the plan,keep what your doing and continue NC.you do have a chance to get her back.
I think that our ex's may have lost trust in us. One of the reasons why they wont take us back could be because they are afraid that we might hurt them again. It takes time to regain that trust, you have to show them slowly. I think that trust is very important in a relationship. Even if we get back to our ex's after NC, we would have to trust one another again, so don't give up and be honest.
Hey Edward, yeah I know how it feels mate. We gotta be strong and keep working. I hope there will come a day where we can back together but even then, the trust has been hurt if you know what i mean. How do you think about this?
Hey Niels,
You're not the only one, the other guy keeps contacting my ex and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I've realized that if you can't change someone, then the only one you can change is yourself. It's good to see that you have done it, keep it up. If you apply NC, you will have a better chance of getting your ex back. Nothing will turn on you if you continue to be confident, attactive and happy. After NC, she will wonder where you went and will be looking forward to meeting you when you or her contact each other. You will be emotionally and physically ready to meet her and everything will work out. So yes, you will have a chance of being together, after 30 days of NC go ahead and contact her using the texts above.