What do you do when the love of your life breaks up with you and moves on?
What do you do if you want to get your ex girlfriend back, but she has a new boyfriend?
When all you want to do is make her happy, make her feel appreciated, and make her feel loved; but you can’t?
Worse yet, what do you do when she is doing all those things with another guy?
This article will answer your questions. The questions that have been plaguing you until you found your way to this page.
Is there still hope to win her back from another man?
I have been helping people with breakups and getting their ex back for the past five years. And I can tell you, with almost certainty, that there is still hope provided the following conditions are met.
- You and your ex girlfriend were together for a reasonable amount of time. (at least more than 3 months)
- You and your ex shared a meaningful connection and had a good relationship at one point of time.
Now if the above conditions are not met, you may still have a chance. You can still try doing what this article suggests, but you should also prepare to move on because your chances are probably very slim. To find out your chances accurately, take this quiz.
In this article, I will help you formulate a step by step plan to help you get your ex girlfriend back when she has another boyfriend. I will also help you prepare for all the challenges you will likely face as you are trying to get her back.
But for me to effectively do that, I need two things from you.
1. I need you to read this entire article. Don’t skip to a different section because you might miss an important detail.
I have seen a lot of my readers and clients make mistakes that I tell them very clearly not to make. You are especially vulnerable because your ex is dating someone else and your mind is probably panicking hard.
2. I need you to be honest. Be honest with yourself, with your girlfriend, and with me (if we ever communicate), as we move forward in this journey together.
Honesty is very important if you want to win her back permanently. If you don’t want to lose her again, you better build your new relationship on strong foundations.
The Basic Game Plan
When it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back from her new boyfriend, you must have a game plan. Read this article on getting your ex girlfriend back to find out what the basic plan is. And yeah, it’s free.
I’ve designed that guide in stages, just like a video game. It will help you figure out exactly what to do in each stage of getting her back.
If you are too lazy to read it, here’s the gist of it.
- Don’t make any mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
- Do no contact for a while.
- Become a better version of yourself during no contact.
- Re-establish contact when you are ready after no contact.
- Slowly rebuild attraction, connection and trust until you are back together.
This article is a supplement to this guide with 5 stages to win your ex girlfriend back for your specific situation. So click on the link above and read it.
Once you have read it, come back here to find out how to get your ex girlfriend back when she is dating another guy.
What will we cover in this article?
In this article, we are going to cover each stage of getting your ex girlfriend back for your particular situation.
That means
- We will talk about the major mistakes you should avoid if she is dating a new boyfriend.
- Effective way to do no contact if she is dating someone else.
- Effective way to heal during no contact if she is with another guy
- Effective way and an effective time to reestablish contact
- And effective strategies that will help you make her leave the other guy and be with you.
Let’s begin.
Part 1: The Mistakes That will Push your Ex Girlfriend into Another Man’s Arms.
When your ex starts dating someone else, your mind panics and you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will push her further away.
I cover a lot of mistakes that most guys make after a breakup in stage 1 of this article. These basic mistakes include
- Texting or calling her all the time
- Being a Doormat
- Getting Angry and Calling Her Names
- Begging And Pleading Her To Take You Back
In this section, I won’t be talking about these mistakes.
But I will list out some common mistakes that guys make when they find out their ex girlfriend has a new boyfriend
Mistake 1: Comparing yourself with the other guy
Comparing yourself to her new boyfriend is only going to make you feel terrible. When you compare yourself to him, you are going to come to one of either two conclusions.
He is better than me.
“She found someone better than me. He has a better job. He has a better body. He is taller. He got a full head of hair. He is more handsome than me. He is a player and knows how to manipulate women. He treats her better than I treated her.”
In all those superficial terms, the other guy might be better than you. But in the end, her relationship with this new guy will depend on the type of connection she develops with him.
If she is mentally and emotionally ready for a new relationship, she might develop a strong connection with her new boyfriend. But in most cases, it will be a rebound relationship and it won’t matter how successful, and amazing the new guy is.
I am better than him
On the flip side, it may look on the surface that you are better than the other guy in every possible way. Be it health, wealth, status, sexual compatibility or the way you treated her.
It still does not make much of a difference. Again, if she has moved on emotionally and mentally; and she builds a strong connection with the new guy; she will forget about you and move on.
So even if you are sure that you are better than the other guy, don’t get complacent. You still might lose her if you don’t play your cards right.
Mistake 2: Talking to her about the other guy
If comparing yourself with the other guy in your mind is a mistake; doing so with her is a HUGE MISTAKE.
If you try to tell her how bad the new guy is for her, you are only going to push her further away and into the new guy’s arms.
Why?
I want you to think of a TV show with a girl rebelling against her father by dating a douche-bag. Someone her father disapproves of.
There are literally hundreds of TV shows that have made an episode on this plot line. (Although, for some reason, my mind is blank on examples. If you think of an episode, let me know in the comment section).
The reason there are so many TV show episodes based on this, is because this is a very common occurrence.
Girls (and humans in general) will always try to prove that they know themselves better than anyone else.
That they can take care of themselves and that they know what’s best for them.
If you try to tell her that she is wrong about her decisions, she will go the extra mile to prove you wrong.
You must avoid this at all cost.
Don’t try to convince her to leave her new boyfriend. Leaving her new boyfriend has to be HER DECISION. Not yours.
Instead, just build attraction and connection with her to the point she decides to leave the other guy for you.
Mistake 3: Freaking out about your ex girlfriend sleeping with the other guy
Unfortunately, there is no way you can stop her from sleeping with someone else. I know for some guys, the thought of your ex girlfriend in bed with someone else is sickening.
But if she decides to have sex with someone else; she is not doing anything wrong. You both have broken up and she is not cheating on you by sleeping with the other guy.
And if you freak out about it and try to control her actions; you will only look needy, controlling and manipulative.
And guess what? It will just make her want to sleep with the new guy even more.
Can you do something to stop her from having sex with someone else?
In very rare situations, you can. But you should not try doing this until you are absolutely sure what you are doing.
Here’s one situation where you can influence her decision,
If you and your ex are speaking regularly; and she is honest to you about wanting to sleep with someone else; you can do one of the following.
A. You can either give her your approval to sleep with the other guy (which we can both agree is out of the question)
B. You can get angry, call her a bunch of degrading names and give her an ultimatum. This will definitely push her towards the other guy.
C. You can be calm about it. Tell her that if she does choose to sleep with someone else; it will hurt you terribly.
Tell her that you have chosen to not have sex with someone else until she is in your life in any capacity. And tell her that you understand if that’s what she chooses to do and you will still respect her.
Being honest in this way will make her want to not lose you and will probably make her stay loyal to you despite the breakup.
Mistake 4: Treating her like she is still your Girlfriend
A lot of guys treat their breakup like it’s just a fight.
That if you just somehow convince her that you understand your mistakes and you have changed; she will forgive you, come back and you will live happily ever after.
She isn’t just upset. You are broken up. She even has another boyfriend. This is a whole different game. Here is why.
A. Telling her how you understand her and how you won’t make the same mistakes again, will make it look like you are trying to win her back from another guy. This will make her put up her defenses because she will want to stick to her decision.
B. Telling her that you will do what she wants (get married, spend more time with her, make her a priority etc.); is not going to work now. You had your chance to prove to her that you can change. She gave up on you and broke up with you.
C. She is no longer trying to make you jealous. If she is in a new relationship with another guy, it’s not the same as her flirting with some other guy to make you jealous. It’s because she is trying to move on. (Note: Just because she is trying doesn’t necessarily mean she will.)
So how do you show her things will be different this time?
We will get into that as you read the rest of this article. For now, just remember to not make any of these mistakes that will likely push her into the other guys arms and/or drive you crazy.
Mistake 5: “Is My Ex-Girlfriend in a rebound” Obsession
In a lot of cases, it will be obvious if she is in a rebound relationship. You can read more about the signs of a rebound relationship here.
But in some cases, a lot of guys obsess over her being in a rebound too much. They are constantly looking out for signs of a rebound and keeping tabs on her through social media or common friends.
Here’s a general rule of thumb. If you are not sure she is in a rebound, consider it a rebound.
You still make your moves assuming she is in a rebound. If it’s not a rebound, you will soon realize this by the way she replies to you.
Besides, there is always a chance her rebound relationship turns into a serious one in the future. And there’s always a chance her serious relationship ends in shambles just like a rebound.
Part 2: Doing No Contact When She is with Her New Boyfriend
A lot of guys are resistant towards the idea of doing no contact when their ex girlfriend starts dating someone else.
- If I don’t stay in touch with her, she will keep getting closer to the other guy and will fall in love with him.
- I need to stay in her radar and make sure she doesn’t forget about me.
- I can’t let them get closer while I sit here and do nothing.
Doing no contact is important if your ex girlfriend is dating someone else. Here’s why.
- You need to get your mind to stop panicking so you don’t make any obvious mistakes.
- You need to figure out if getting your ex girlfriend back is the right decision for you.
- You need to give her rebound relationship some time to end. In most cases, she will realize that her new relationship is empty and she will dump the other guy.
- In some cases, she will get dumped by the new guy. (This happens usually if the new guy is a player and does not want a serious relationship)
- By doing no contact (even if she is dating the other guy), you are conveying to your ex that you are more confident and secure in yourself than ever before. This will give you extra attraction points when you get back in touch with her later (read more about getting your ex girlfriend back with no contact.
What if she wants me to fight for her?
If your ex is dating someone else after the breakup, she is not doing this to get you to fight for her.
She is probably doing it because she wants to move on.
To give you an idea on what’s going on in her head. Here’s what the ex girlfriend of one of my client said to him about her new boyfriend. My client was able to get her to be honest and open up about how she felt.
She also went on to tell me that her dating this guy is a new thing and that it wasn’t what she thought it would be and it’s unfulfilling; however, she needs to move on.
In my experience, most girls who go into a relationship too fast after a breakup do so because they want to move on. They do it because they hope being with someone else will help them forget the breakup pain and fill the hole in their life that you left.
As you can see in my client’s case, this does not go the way they hope it goes.
Yes, a part of her wants you to win her back so she doesn’t have to go through the breakup pain.
But that’s only a small part of her. A huge part of her wants to stay broken up because that’s what she decided to do. (this was also the case with my client in the above example)
You will fight for her, but not from a position of weakness. You will do this from a position of strength. And no contact is important for that.
In some rare cases; your ex might be so immature that she is dating other guy just to make you jealous and wants you to do something out of desperation.
If that’s the case, you should still do no contact before making a move. The best way to deal with immaturity is by being mature and calm. You can take the power away from her by focusing on yourself and healing as we discuss in the next section.
Part 3: Healing During No Contact When she is dating someone else
Healing during no contact is essential if you want to look confident and attractive when you get back in touch with her after no contact.
While she is trying to avoid the breakup pain and grief by going through the honeymoon stage with the other guy; you will be doing the hard work.
She might find a momentary relief from the rebound relationship; but she will eventually have to face the reality. That she lost someone close to her too and it’s freaking painful.
And that’s when you strike. That’s when you show her that you are a new person. That’s when you start rebuilding attraction and connection with her.
That’s when you plant an idea in her mind. The idea that if you get back together, it might be an amazing relationship.
It’s important that you heal during no contact for that to happen. Here is what you should keep in mind during no contact.
Block your ex from everywhere if you can’t stop obsessing over her and the new guy.
This is the only solution if the thought of your ex and the new guy is not getting out of your head.
If she is being immature about this thing and blasting her new relationship all over Facebook, twitter, Instagram, snapchat or her WhatsApp status, you should block her.
In some cases, your ex girlfriend might be immature enough to play this post breakup game of who is doing better. This, in reality, is a sign that she still loves you and is not over you.
But if you can’t stop obsessing over her, you won’t be able to focus on yourself.
You won’t be able to calm down, heal, and become more confident. This is why you must block her from all social media.
This will not make her forget about you and move on.
On the contrary, when you take away the power she has over you; she is going to panic and will be forced to look inside herself and realize that she really misses you and her new relationship is shallow.
Use This Time to Heal
You lost someone special to you. Don’t expect to feel great all of a sudden.
You are going to feel like shit. And that’s okay.
In fact, if you didn’t feel like shit occasionally; I will think there is something very wrong with you.
So, cut yourself some slack and when you feel like shit, just let yourself feel like shit.
If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry.
If you feel like punching the wall in anger, go ahead and punch the wall in anger (or choose to punch the pillow and avoid the regret).
The point is, grief is hard and painful. Accept it.
It only gets better with time (although, you can fast track this. I’ll talk about it in the 5th part of this article). But you must also balance out the grief with something positive and constructive.
Use this time to Become a better version of yourself.
Healing alone will not be enough to get your ex girlfriend back if she has moved on to a new boyfriend. You need to become a better person.
Here are a few things I believe you should work on if you want to win her back and keep her forever.
Confidence:
The most attractive trait a guy can have.
Do you know that girls rate confidence as the most attractive trait in a guy? (According to many surveys that I am too lazy to link here)
Luckily, confidence is something that can be learned. The easiest way is to start being honest with yourself and everyone else. Stop trying to hide your feelings because your subconscious mind thinks you don’t deserve anything nice. Face your shame and anxiety head on. I have some actionable tips on building confidence in my awesome article on getting your ex girlfriend back.
Start believing in yourself and start being honest about what you want and what you don’t want. Guys who are honest, are always perceived as confident as opposed to guys who aren’t.
Another great way to portray more confidence is by setting life goals about things that you are passionate about and working on them.
Physical Attractiveness:
When I talk about becoming a better version of yourself; I want you to try to work on every aspect of your life.
Working on your physical appearance is a great way to feel better about yourself, heal from the breakup and become more confident.
Your ex was already attracted to you physically. So, this isn’t something you need to worry about much.
But you can increase your chances by going to the gym, bulking up (or slimming down), getting a new haircut, getting your teeth cleaned; or by getting new trendy clothes.
Emotional Intelligence:
Being confident and looking good is something that attract girls to you in the first place. But the thing that keeps them with you for a long time, is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is something that girls find extremely attractive once they get close to you. In fact, I’d say most girls leave guys because of lack of emotional intelligence.
Because if a guy can’t understand her feelings and can’t solve issues in the relationship; she will slowly lose the romantic connection with him.
If you can be empathic; understand her, understand her fears, her desires, her strengths, her weaknesses, her life goals; you will be irresistible for her.
Almost everyone has a deep desire to be understood and accepted by someone they love and are attracted to.
By being confident and looking attractive; you can make her attracted to you; but you won’t get her to fall deeply in love with you unless you work on your emotional intelligence (we will talk more about it in the Advanced Tactics section discussed later in this article).
Part 4: Re-Establishing contact with an Ex-Girlfriend Who has a new Boyfriend
In this section, we are going to talk about re-establishing contact with your ex-girlfriend.
When she is dating someone else, you must consider a few things before contacting your ex.
Should you wait for her to dump her new boyfriend before contacting her?
As I said before, there’s a pretty good chance her new relationship is a rebound and it will end sooner or later.
If you read this guide on getting your ex girlfriend back; you know it’s important that you establish contact with your ex after no contact.
So, what is the ideal time to reach out after no contact?
In an ideal world, you will contact her a few days after her rebound has ended. When she is feeling down and miserable about the breakup and is missing you terribly.
Unfortunately, we don’t really live in an ideal world. There’s a chance that your ex might drag her rebound relationship a lot longer than necessary.
In some cases, you might not be aware of her relationship status and you won’t even know if she has ended her new relationship.
In some cases, it might not even be a rebound relationship. It might be a serious relationship that she really wants to last.
This is why, I recommend that you contact her whenever you are ready.
Once you feel you have the right mindset, you have built enough confidence in yourself, and you have acquired the right tools and skills; you should contact her. (I talk about mindset, skills and tools in this article on what to do after no contact).
There is no point in waiting for something to happen that may never happen. If you are confident that you are ready, you should take the plunge and contact her.
Just the right text or email from you might just be the straw that will break the rebound camel’s back.
Rebound Camel – If it becomes a thing, remember you heard about it at Ex Back Permanently first.
Use Text Messages To Contact Her When She Is Dating Someone Else
Text messages have a unique advantage when your ex is dating someone else. She can look at your text messages at her own time and reply to them if she feels like speaking to you.
Moreover, if her new boyfriend finds out that she is texting you, there’s a good chance he will get jealous and it will lead to a fight. And he will look insecure if he is snooping into her text messages to find out what you texted.
What to say when you Contact her?
It really depends on the way things ended between you two. Read my article on texting your ex girlfriend to figure out the best way to contact her.
In most cases; the elephant in the room text (or email) will be ideal to contact her. You can download some sample elephant in the room texts here.
Where to go from there?
Once you have re-established contact with her, it’s time to slowly start rebuilding attraction with her. Again, read my article on texting or my super article on winning her back in 5 stages.
However, the approach you take and your chances of success will vary depending on the type of relationship your ex girlfriend has with her new boyfriend.
How To Get Her back When She Is Just Seeing Someone Else?
When your ex girlfriend is just going on dates with some other guy and has not really started considering him as her new boyfriend; you can be a little aggressive in your approach.
How do you know if she is just dating the other guy and does not consider him a boyfriend?
In most cases, you can tell this simply by the way she speaks to you. If she has not started a relationship with him yet; she will respond to you more frequently and will enjoy the attention she receives from you. She will want to weigh her options before making a decision.
How do you increase your chances?
If you have done everything right till now (the steps mentioned in part 3 of this article); she will notice the changes in you and will start doubting her decision of breaking up with you. Your goal is to try to get her to meet you as soon as possible (Read Stage 4 of this article).
But, if you have not healed till now and you are not ready; she will choose the other guy over you and might even decide to commit to him.
If you are not emotionally and mentally ready to reconnect with her, you should let her get into a rebound.
Don’t rush it in hopes that you can stop her from starting a relationship with another man.
Think of it in terms of your chances of winning her back. Your chances of winning her back when you are needy, insecure and unattractive are very less compared to your chances of winning her back from a rebound if you are confident and a new better version of yourself.
If you act needy and desperate at this stage; you will confirm her belief that breaking up was the right decision and it will get even harder for you to get her back in the future.
You should choose to lose this battle if it means winning the war.
How To Get Her Back If She Is In a Rebound Relationship?
Her new relationship might be a rebound; but you must still respect it. You must set boundaries in the way you flirt with her. You don’t want her cheating on her new boyfriend to be with you. This is a bad way to start a new relationship with a person you love.
Instead, you must slowly develop an emotional and physical attraction with her. You want her to get confused about her feelings for you and her commitment to her new boyfriend.
You want her to realize that her feelings for you are much stronger than the other guy. This is how you make her decide to leave him for you.
How To Get Her Back if She is Committed About Her New Relationship?
If she is serious about making her new relationship work, you will have to be very careful and very patient with this. (Read this article on rebounds to find out if she is in a rebound)
She wants her new relationship to work and is committed to her new guy. Convincing her to be with you is going to take a lot of patience and a lot of luck.
But if you think she is worth it; then you owe it to yourself to give it a try. Although, I highly recommend that you try only once; if she does not respond positively, you leave her alone and move on.
You are better off spending your time and energy focusing on yourself, moving on and attracting new girls. It’s better than waiting for her when she is committed to someone else.
You both might still get back together in the far future; but there is no point in keeping hope if it’s stopping you from moving on.
Create a rift by being the bigger guy
If you do things that make it super obvious you want her to breakup with her new boyfriend; it will make your ex-girlfriend put up her defenses and cut you out.
Instead, you need to just be the best version of yourself and focus on rebuilding attraction and connection with your ex girlfriend. As she starts feeling more and more attracted towards you, she will start feeling more and more distant from her new boyfriend.
This will especially be true if your ex girlfriend is in a rebound.
Part 5: Strategies to get her to meet you and leave her new boyfriend
Getting her to meet you
Getting her to meet you while she is still dating the other guy is going to be a big challenge. This is especially true if she is committed to the new relationship.
In most cases, her new relationship is going to be a rebound and she (or her new boyfriend) will eventually end it.
But in case they don’t, you start by making first contact and slowly start rebuilding attraction with her.
Hopefully, just getting back in touch with you and realizing she still has feelings for you should be enough for her to break up with her new boyfriend.
If that doesn’t work, you must find a way to get her to meet you.
Girls usually consider meeting an ex; without the knowledge of your boyfriend or girlfriend; a betrayal of trust.
Naturally, she doesn’t want to consider herself as someone who betrays the trust of the guy she is seeing.
So, she is probably going to deny your invitation of meeting up, even if she has feelings for you and wants to meet up. She simply wants to maintain her integrity in her own eyes.
Of course, there are exceptions to the above rule, and if you think your ex-girlfriend is one, you can straight up ask her out on a coffee or to meet up for drinks.
But if you think your ex-girlfriend holds herself to high standards; you might want to find a loophole for her dilemma.
And the best way to do that is to ask her out on a group activity.
A camping trip, a concert, a special event or a mutual friend’s party. These are all great ways to give her an excuse to see you without making her feel like she is betraying her new boyfriend.
Get Your Ex-Girlfriend to Dump Her New Boyfriend
If you have followed everything in this article, then your ex-girlfriend will probably dump her new boyfriend on her own.
But if she needs a little push, you must give her a strong reason to dump her new boyfriend for you.
The best way to do that is if you can show her (not tell her); that everything will be different this time. You need to do this in a way that doesn’t make it look like you are just doing this to get her back.
You need to show her that you have really changed for the better and you are going to be this way whether or not you get her back.
You want her to realize that you are a high-quality guy and the next girl you are going to be with is going to be very lucky.
And you want her to wish that she is that girl.
Advanced Tactics
We have covered a lot of ground in this article. If you are still interested in more from me, I highly recommend you take this quiz and subscribe to the EBP Basics E-course. I share a lot of insights to my subscribers that are not posted on my website.
In my email series, I share many more tactics which you can use to get your ex-girlfriend to leave her new boyfriend and get back together with you.
To Recap,
Here’s how to get your ex girlfriend back if she has a new boyfriend.
- Don’t make any mistakes that make you look needy or desperate.
- Start no contact, even if you are scared she will move on with the other guy (she won’t if it’s a rebound.)
- Figure out what you need to do during no contact to effectively win her back when you are ready.
- Get Back in touch with her in the right way according to your situation.
- Get Her to dump the other guy by using the tactics you learned.
Had the most perfect girlfriend for a year but recently let her go because of her obnoxious genius 6yr old boy. I just can't like him or enjoy being around him unfortunately. She replaced me within 4 days with someone similar looking to me and she now says she's happy and going to give this guy a chance. I've realised just how much I miss her and have tried to win her back. I'm so confused as if I did get her back, then I would have to work extremely hard to get on with her child. I'm still messaging her daily now but feel I'm being a safety net. Help??? I would like to get her back to be honest as she's irreplaceable.
Irregardless you're still going to have to first figure out if you can ever accept her child and change your views of him before you even consider wanting to win her back, because no matter how irreplaceable you think of her as, she is unfortunately never going to feel the same way about you or any other guy especially if it means having to choose between her son or some guy she is currently dating.
Turns out the kid has just been diagnosed with Autism .. I'll cut him some slack. I was in a really dark place .. thanks at least for replying when there was nobody else. Keep up the good work guys .. Love and peace to all that visits this site.