Getting an ex back is a controversial topic. It’s not always healthy and a lot of people want to do it for the wrong reasons. At Ex Back Permanently, we strive to provide information that will help you make healthy decisions in your quest to get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back. But you may be wondering if mental health care professionals feel the same way.
After all, is this just a random website with some guy saying random things about relationships? Or do therapists and psychologists feel the same way about reconciliation.
We decided to reach out to a bunch of therapists and mental health care professionals and asked them if it’s healthy get an ex back. Here is what they say.
Is it healthy to try to get an ex back?
Dr. Stephanie Cornette, Psy.D.
I really feel that it depends on the situation. Every relationship is different. If there were co-dependency issues or emotional/mental/physical abuse, then no. With that being said, if the co-dependency issues could be worked out in therapy, then there is a possibility.
With that said- nobody is perfect, and people make mistakes, so in certain situations, I do think it is okay to try and get your ex back- it’s all about communication and how you move forward with that. So yes, I would recommend your 5 step process seeing that it is a healthy relationship to work towards.
Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT
It depends. Both people need to want to try again and be willing to REDESIGN A NEW RELATIONSHIP. Both people need to be willing to talk about. what went wrong. It’s not just about blaming the other person. Both people need to be willing to examine their own roles in why the relationship ended.
Both people need to be willing to acknowledge, address and RESOLVE both their individual and couple issues that contributed to the difficulties. This is a tall order; depending on the problems. It’s difficult for most people to do this work on their own.
THERAPY….BOTH INDIVIDUAL AND COUPLES THERAPY NEED TO BE AN OPTION THAT BOTH ARE WILLING TO TRY.
Darlene Lancer, J.D., MFT
Actually, I would encourage someone who was rejected to let go of the relationship and move on. Often it’s their co-dependency and abandonment wounds that are the challenge.
I had a client who spent over a year with a therapist trying to get back an ex. The first thing I said was that I couldn’t help him achieve that. Instead, he worked on his issues, and his whole life turned around for the better – went back to school, changed careers, and entered a new healthier relationship.
Colter Bloxom, MA, LAC
It is always healthy to self-reflect and work on ourselves which is at the core of what Kevin is promoting. Desperately texting your ex out of neediness and trying to get them back at any cost is probably not healthy. Doing some work on yourself to become a better version of yourself and paradoxically attracting somebody back into your life? That’s always a good thing.
Colter Bloxom is a counselor in Phoenix, AZ. He helps both men and women explore the darkest places in themselves to get over what holds them back.
Laurie Moore, LMFT, CHT, Ph.D.
If your relationship was initially a compatible and positive experience for you both, time apart for re-grounding can be a plus. Focusing on your own fullness, self-worth, and life for a while is highly valuable. Making yourself your own best friend will lead to a far more satisfying relationship.
Contacting your ex after you have spent more time to get yourself in a better place, provides an opportunity to meet in a new way, discover new shared strengths, and open up mutual possibility. Relationships end for a variety of reasons. Whether you and your ex being together again is the healthiest option depends on the particular relationship. If you feel you both have a lot to give and receive from each other, taking space to reunite with yourself before re-opening the potential door, is a positive step.
Dr Becky Whetstone, Ph.D., LMFT
That depends. For the right reasons, yes. If you had a pretty good relationship, with no marital felonies such as abuse, addiction, or adultery, and your partner just seems confused about what they want, you have a long history and kids together, then yes, it can be a healthy pursuit. Especially if you feel your spouse or partner has temporarily lost their mind, which happens often with a mid-life crisis.
You have to know that the person and relationship was generally a good one, a healthy one. It would not be a healthy pursuit to go through this process with a someone who was toxic for you. Even in certain cases of infidelity, or your partner is in recovery from addiction, it can be worthwhile to pursue your ex. I would hope that during the separation both partners worked on the things that caused the breakup in the first place. Without the self-reflection and growth by each, we can predict that couples who reconcile will return to old patterns after a honeymoon period, and will ultimately break up again, permanently.