“You are the key to this relationship. You control the temperature.” my counselor said to my partner. And it honestly felt like a relief. Like someone finally understands me. I’ve been trying to make him understand this for so long that if he could just take a moment to calm down, we can have a great relationship.
Knowing that the counselor agreed with me felt really good. Surely, my partner would see the error of his ways and make an attempt to communicate more.
But that didn’t happen. When we returned, he said he felt like the counselor was taking my side. He felt the counselor was partial. He agreed to give him another chance and the next session wasn’t any better for him. I could not see his point of view because to me, the counselor was making complete sense.
J stopped going to relationship counseling after that. Our issues kept getting worse. He was becoming distant. It seemed like he was suppressing everything he was feeling. And when he would open up, it would always lead to a fight and an argument that neither of us was capable of resolving.
We decided to seek couples therapy again. This time, I was committed to finding someone he would want to go to. We tried a couple of online sessions which didn’t feel great but then we found a recommendation close to our house. This counselor immediately connected with us and made us both feel understood. He didn’t make my partner feel like he was responsible for all the problems. He made us look at the problems as something we both need to tackle as a team.
We both learned a lot with that relationship counselor. Such as creating a safe space for both of us to express our feelings and realizing that both of us have different childhood traumas that lead to vastly different behaviors in times of stress (classic anxious/avoidant stuff) that we need to be sensitive about. As a result, our relationship is a thousand times better.
As for couples therapy, the most important lesson I learned was to make sure your partner feels as comfortable with the counselor as you do. The fact is, relationships require effort from both of you to work. And if one of you does not feel the counselor is right for you, they won’t be able to put in their 100%. If it doesn’t feel right for the both of you, shop around and find a different counselor.
Relationship counseling is not about the counselor, about you or your partner. It’s about your relationship where you both act as a team. That’s the attitude you both need to take into counseling instead of hoping that the counselor will take your side. Even though it may feel good to be right in the moment, you are still only 50% of the relationship team and unless your partner also feels good about it, the relationship will suffer.
What is Couples Counseling?
Couples Counseling (aka couples therapy) is when you and your partner sit with a qualified psychotherapist (or counselor) and talk about your relationship and feelings.
The goal of relationship counseling is to build a strong foundation of your relationship and teach both of you the skills we need to sustain and thrive a relationship.
Most counseling sessions work by giving you and your partner a safe space to talk about issues with the assistance of the counselor who can guide you both to understand each other, understand oneself and understand the relationship dynamics. As a result, you are much better equipped to deal with whatever life throws at you and your relationship.
Think of relationship counseling as a training ground for the real world. You wouldn’t go play the regional baseball championship without hitting the batting cage first. Every time you practice hitting the ball, it creates a muscle memory that helps you hit the ball in the game.
The same goes with counseling, every time an issue is brought up in the counseling session, your mind learns how to not react prematurely, how to respond by being calm, and how to work with your partner to resolve the issue.
Most couples therapy work on the framework of CBT, Gottman Method, or Emotionally focused therapy or other psychological approaches. All of them are scientifically proven and peer reviewed types of therapy to improve one’s relationships.
A good couples therapist also teaches you the foundation to resurrect and reignite the connection with your partner by learning about each other on a deeper level. This leads to a healthier relationship with a romantic connection that is more likely to last than just a surface level attraction.
Where can you get couples counseling?
Look for a qualified and certified relationship counselor in your area. You can also choose to get one online.
Ways to find qualified counselor in your area
If you are in the US, you can find a therapist, there working hours, their prices and their expertise over at Psychology Today’s Find a Couples Therapist Page.
Find a qualified counselor online
A lot of my readers and clients have benefited from getting couples therapy online. Doing it online removes the resistance of driving to a therapist’s office. In my analysis of online therapy services, I’ve found TalkSpace and Betterhelp to be superior to other online portals.
Can my relationship be saved without couples counseling? Different situations –
The fact that you found your way to this page means that you have tried fixing the issues in your relationship and it didn’t work. So if I had to guess, I’d say that you are better off getting counseling as soon as possible.
But I also know how as humans, we like to believe that we can solve personal problems on our own. There is always a bit of hesitation in letting a stranger into your intimate life so they can analyze and find a solution for you.
Ironically, the “stranger” part is the reason why relationship counseling is so effective. Because –
- It’s someone neither one of you know and they are required by law to keep everything confidential. There’s no reason to feel any shame or fear that the information will leak to your friends or family.
- Qualified therapists are trained to listen without judgement. So it’s a human being validating both your feelings and making both of you feel heard.
- Relationship psychotherapy is a science. There is a method to it and it’s not just some random thing. So this stranger actually uses psychology grounded in years of research to help you both strengthen your relationship. As a result, it’s less about “who” this person is and more about “what” they do.
Regardless of what your situation is, it’s definitely a good idea to seriously talk about getting relationship counseling with your partner if you feel any of the following early warning signs
Early Warning Signs
These don’t always mean a relationship is in serious danger, but they indicate that some guidance could prevent bigger problems.
- Communication Erosion — conversations feel tense or avoided, but arguments are still mild or infrequent.
- Emotional Disconnect — feeling less close or supported, even if you still enjoy time together.
- Unequal Effort — one partner feels like they’re putting in more work to maintain the relationship.
- Avoiding Hard Topics — sidestepping conversations about money, intimacy, or the future.
- Frequent Minor Conflicts — bickering over small issues without real resolution.
Critical Red Flags
These usually mean the relationship is already under serious strain and professional intervention is highly recommended.
- Loss of Trust — repeated dishonesty, secrecy, or suspected infidelity.
- Persistent Resentment — grudges that last weeks or months without being addressed.
- Intense, Escalating Fights — arguments becoming hostile, personal, or destructive.
- Stonewalling — one or both partners shut down completely rather than engage.
- Emotional or Physical Abuse — any pattern of controlling, manipulative, or harmful behavior.
- Severe Emotional Withdrawal — one partner feels completely disconnected and indifferent to the relationship’s future.
Lastly, here are some common situations couples find themselves in. I will talk about how relationship counseling can help, and what you can do if you choose to try and fix the situation on your own.
1. Communication issues or Arguments left unresolved
“We had the same argument about his ex almost every week. I’d tell him how disrespectful it was to start speaking to her on Instagram and he would tell me that I was overreacting and controlling. I never felt heard or acknowledged and he would always get defensive and withdraw. I know he was not cheating on me as he was transparent about what happened. But I just couldn’t get past it.”
This is what Mary, one of our readers, said
When a couple keeps repeating the same argument over and over again, it’s a clear sign that something is lacking in communication. When the fight is over, you’d hope that both of you would move past it and it will never come up again. But it always seems to find its way in the next argument, each time with more intensity and a vengeance. Just like weeds in a garden.
How couples counseling helps?
In the case of Mary, when she went for counseling, they both had a safe space to talk about this particular issue without worrying about upsetting the other person or it turning into a huge fight. This is, of course, after the therapist was able to build trust with both of them and made them feel comfortable enough to bring this topic up.
This safe space finally allowed Mary to dig deeper and say what really hurt her about the incident,
“I just feel like that you loved your ex more than you ever loved me. That you appreciated her more than you appreciate what I do for you. For us. That you can open up to her more than you can ever open up to me.”
She revealed a deep insecurity about not being good enough for him. And that led her partner to be more sensitive towards her insecurities and express his appreciation more. The truth was, he did appreciate and admired Mary a lot. But due to work stress and his own issues, he could never really express his gratitude and affection towards her.
Their relationship got a lot better.
If your relationship is suffering from communication issues, then relationship counseling can help you get to the root of those issues and find a way forward where you both can learn to communicate with each other in a way that strengthens your relationship.
I always say this to my clients, healthy relationships get stronger after each fight. It’s because each fight, when resolved in a healthy manner, leads to you both learning more about each other.
But unhealthy relationships get worse after each fight. It’s because unresolved fights or arguments lead to both parties festering fear, regret, anger or resentment for each other.
Can I save my relationship without couples counseling?
Yes, you can. But again, relationship counseling is a much better option because you will have a qualified expert talk you both through it. It will help you avoid any blind spots or prejudices you may have in your situation. But if you want to try to communicate better on your own, here’s what you can do –
1. Learn to communicate better – this means expressing your needs clearly, showing empathy when your partner is talking and making requests instead of demands. I highly recommend the book Non Violent Communication by Marshal B. Rosenberg or anyone willing to improve their interpersonal communication skills.
2. Take time to understand yourself – A lot of communication issues are also a result of low self-esteem issues in people. Not knowing who you are, what your boundaries are, what defense mechanisms your mind has, what trauma shaped you in what way etc. By doing some introspection, you can learn to be more aware of your own needs and accept yourself for who you are. As a result, you will be able to express yourself more effectively and express your needs to your partner clearly.
3. Acknowledge the issue as “Us vs the issue” – Instead of making the communication about you vs me, make the issue about “us vs the issue”. If done when both of you are calm, it immediately shifts the perspective as you both will start thinking about the problem of bad communication as something that both of you have to work on together.
A lot of times, these self-help methods work in tandem with relationship counseling to help improve your relationship. So again, don’t be afraid to try it if you feel you can benefit from it.
2. Growing apart or feeling of love being diminished
“I felt like we went from lovers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other, to being just platonic friends. We had sex every once in a while but it just felt like a chore. Not something I would look forward to.
I told him about this. And he said he could feel me pulling away but thought it was just a phase. He really didn’t think anything was wrong in our relationship. He said almost all relationships end up like this at one point or another and it was completely normal. I knew he was talking about his parents who, in my opinion, have been in a loveless marriage for as long as I’ve known them.
I didn’t want that type of marriage. And I told him “either we fix this. Or we separate.” Thankfully, he was on board with fixing it.”
Jen, our reader, felt emotionally disconnected from her partner. While she came to the realization suddenly, the loss of connection happened gradually over the past five years. Couples grow apart for a variety of reasons, but the most common reason for this is taking each other for granted.
Taking each other for granted leads to emotional neglect, not making an attempt to go on a date or spend quality time together, and letting the relationship just run on autopilot. You end up becoming roommates rather than life partners.
How does couples counseling help?
Relationship counseling in such a situation helps by helping you both identify the core issues that are slowly making you both drift apart from each other.
In Jen’s case, it was mainly because her husband took her for granted. And on deeper introspection, it was a fundamental difference in the way both looked at romantic relationships.
“He just thought it was normal for couples to become this way. And he did not make an attempt to fix it. I realized that I thought it was wrong for me to ask for affection and it should always be initiated by the man. I was afraid if I asked for affection, I would only be ignored for it and get hurt.”
They came up with a plan to spend more time together as a couple. Her husband started showing little acts of affection whenever they were together. “Believe it or not. A little slap in the bum is all I need sometime to feel like he still loves me.”; said Jen.
And they planned vacations so they could create new memories and try new activities together.
Can you do without relationship counseling?
If you feel there is something deeper that’s causing you both to drift apart, then you should definitely get relationship counseling. For example, childhood trauma, a belief that relationships end like this, past resentment, unresolved conflict etc.
A lot of times, it’s the deeper unresolved conflict that leads to resentment and ultimately neglect for the relationship.
In other words, deep inside, one of you may feel like this relationship is not worth the effort, and as a result, they don’t put in the effort.
If that’s the case, then relationship counseling is a must.
But if it’s just surface level, run of the mill, neglect; then perhaps you can try fixing it yourself by doing the following –
- Practice intentional communication – Share feelings openly and listen without judgment.
- Schedule dedicated “us time” weekly – Protect time for shared activities and connection. Netflix and Chill once in a while.
- Rebuild small acts of affection daily – Show love through small, consistent gestures. Cooking your partner’s favorite meal, buying them flowers etc.
- Don’t sweep conflicts under the rug – Don’t let them fester into resentment. Take a break if needed but talk about what happened and how you both feel.
- Align on shared goals and future vision – Work toward a common direction for your life together.
3. Stressful situations causing more arguments
Life will always throw crap at you. While we all have our own ways of dealing with stress, a relationship may not survive if both of you don’t take the time to make it a priority and handle the issues with care.
The classic case of this happened with Jake, he says,
“We just had our first born and we were both sleep deprived. We started keeping score of who was doing more and it would always lead to an argument. I wanted to support her but things were just getting out of hand. I could feel resentment building up inside her every day.
I proposed that we should get some help. We found a therapist online since we did not have the time or resources to leave the baby alone and go to a therapist’s office. In total we got five sessions and it was enough for us to understand each other’s perspective and gave us the tools to navigate this.
I don’t think relationship counseling was super necessary as when the baby grew up and we both got enough sleep, we were already communicating better. But the communication and stress management skills we learned have helped us a lot over the years during stressful times.”
How relationship counseling can help?
Just the act of going for relationship counseling when life stress is affecting the quality of your relationship shows that both of you are committed to making it work. And that act in itself can bring you both together. In stressful times, it’s a reminder to both of you that you are a team, and you make your relationship a priority.
With that being said, a relationship counselor will also help you both learn to communicate under pressure, figure out what is causing resentment, figure out how to manage the situation better, can act as an impartial resource to help come up with fair division of responsibilities, help you both find ways to connect with each other during stressful times and teach you how to protect your emotional connection so you both don’t do something that may severely damage your relationship during this stressful time.
Remember, stressful situations do not last for a long time. They are usually just temporary. But your relationship can be damaged beyond repair during this stressful time if you don’t treat it with the respect and care it deserves. This website gets a lot of heartbroken individuals and I can tell you countless stories of couples ignoring their relationship during a stressful time only to regret it later when it eventually leads to a breakup or divorce.
Can you do without relationship counseling?
Maybe. But there is no harm in trying. Like I said before, just the act of booking an appointment and showing up in itself has a huge psychological impact on the couple. As a result, they start becoming more self aware and try to understand their partners better.
If the life stress is temporary (such as a few weeks), then you can choose to wait it out and see how things go. But remember, life will always give you stress at unexpected times. So it helps to know that your relationship can thrive even during stressful times.
On the other hand, if your life stress is ongoing and is expected to last a long time, then you should get relationship or marriage counseling as soon as possible.
If you choose to tackle it on your own, here are some things to consider –
- Communicate – That’s really the most important part here. See above for my recommendations.
- It doesn’t always have to be 50/50 – Don’t think of everything in a relationship as 50/50. Sometimes, one partner needs to contribute more in one aspect than the other. And that’s okay. As long as both of you are committed to being with each other, there are always ups and downs. Talk about the roles each of you play in the relationship.
- Protect your connection – No matter how stressful the situation is, try to spend some quality time with each other.
4. Cheating or Infidelity –
Lies and infidelity erode the trust of relationships. And while it is one of the hardest things a relationship may have to endure, it can be overcome with the right mindset, a willingness to work on core issues and guidance from a therapist and relationship counseling.
Tila, who is in her mid 40s said this about her relationship with her boyfriend of 8 years,
“We’ve been in an on/off relationship for 8 years now. And the reason we broke last time was because I cheated. Before you judge me, I want you to know that I have been going to therapy and uncovering some deep seated issues that have plagued me for my entire life. In addition, I have also caught him in lies multiple times which prevented me from truly opening up to him and being completely honest in the relationship.
As of now, we are both trying to rebuild the trust and seeing if our relationship can be helpful. We are going to relationship counseling along with getting individual therapy.”
Typically, cheating in a relationship or marriage happens once and they either end the relationship or decide to make it work and rebuild the trust. The story of Tila is not a typical story because they already had a shaky relationship and the cheating and lies just added on top of it. But the reason I chose her story is because she managed to make things work with her partner because they both were committed to it and shared a deep connection.
Tila said, “He told me no one will ever replace me in his heart but also he doesn’t think he can continue to bear the pain and hurt he feels with me.”
The pain and hurt was overwhelming. But so was the love and connection they shared.
How relationship counseling can help?
When it comes to cheating and infidelity, relationship counseling can only help if both parties are committed to making the relationship work. In addition, the person who cheated or lied needs to do individual therapy to figure out the root cause of why they betrayed the trust of their partner even though they want to be in a relationship with them.
In Tila’s case, this is what she did.
“Combined with individual therapy and reading books written by therapists about infidelity, relationship repair and attachment styles, I have come a long way. Because of this growth, my partner and I are in daily communication and are trying to work through things, despite some communication mistakes I’ve made on this repair journey. This is major progress because initially he wouldn’t even talk to me and I thought there was no way we could recover from my betrayal. But changing my mindset has made all the difference.
During one of our counseling sessions, the topic of “Why” was discussed in detail and I realized that one of the reasons I cheated on him was because I wanted to punish him and hurt him for lying to me. It was a pattern that I had been following my entire life and it goes back all the way to my childhood when my mother would do something similar to my father. Understanding all this gives both me and my partner hope that things can be healthy between us.
I look forward to continuing my work with the relationship counselor and rebuilding a relationship which is much stronger and based on a healthy foundation.”
Can you rebuild trust without couples therapy?
It’s possible, but I have never heard of any case that made it work without a good relationship counselor. The fact is, there are so many landmines after a betrayal, that as someone in the middle of the storm, you just won’t be able to see them. You need an expert who can help you both navigate this storm and guide you towards a shelter.
Yes, it helps a lot if your partner is walking along with you, holding your hand and giving their full support. But infidelity and betrayal is still a storm and you need an eye in the sky to help you navigate this successfully.
But still you need both of you to do the work yourself individually to make it work. Especially the person who cheated. So here’s what you can do yourself if infidelity is an issue in your relationship right now.
- Full Disclosure, Honesty and responsibility – Be honest about whatever happened and take responsibility for what you did. No excuses.
- Give space and set clear boundaries – Give your partner the space they need to process what happened. And define clear boundaries in the relationship for this recovery period (the time you are rebuilding trust).
- Get Individual Therapy – Seriously work on yourself and figure out why you felt the need to cheat. Why do you need external validation? A lot of it usually comes down to self-esteem and attachment issues.
- Educate yourself on relationships and attachment – I recommend the books Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays and Attached by Amir Levine.
- Be part of a peer support group – It helps to talk to people who are in the same boat. I recommend the subreddit As One After Infidelity.
5. One partner controlling the other or Power Imbalance
Power imbalance happens when one partner seems to dictate the terms and controls the other partner. In such a situation, one partner may start feeling helpless, codependent and maybe even depressed. A lot of times, the partner who is being controlled feels like they have to walk on eggshells around the dominating partner just to make sure they are not upset.
Jake, one of our readers, felt exactly the same. He said, “I love her and I know she loves me too. But I always have to walk around eggshells. I had to cut off contact with one of my close friends because he said something that triggered her. And I feel myself isolating myself from my social life just to appease her.
She agreed to go to couples counseling and I actually had hope that things would get better.”
How relationship counseling can help?
An impartial counselor can help both of you figure out exactly why the power imbalance is there in the relationship. It also gives the controlled partner a safe space to talk about how they feel without upsetting the controlling partner.
For some people, talking about these issues can lead to both partners opening up and coming up with a strategy so both partners feel equally heard and comfortable in the relationship. It leads to compromises that actually make the relationship stronger.
But, and it’s a big but, it only works if the controlling partner is actually going to therapy for the right reasons and if they intend to fix the issues in the relationship rather than just using counseling as another tool to control you.
Sadly, for Jake, this was not the case.
“During therapy, she would often attack me and try to get the counselor to do so as well. She did not even once agree to her mistakes even though I agreed to a lot of mine. Ultimately, she stopped going to therapy stating that the counselor was taking my side. I did not feel like that at all. We went to another therapist after that and she said the same thing about him as well. Ultimately, I realized she was not interested in fixing the relationship and I decided to end it.”
The good news is that relationship counseling helped Jake realize that his partner was not interested in a healthy relationship and it gave him the clarity to leave it.
Can you do it on your own?
Controlling behavior is often a sign of deeper issues manifesting itself in a relationship. And in most cases, it requires the controller and the controlled both to get individual therapy. So strictly, you don’t need relationship counseling to fix this as long as you both can acknowledge the issue and decide to work on it on your own.
But relationship counseling can help you both identify the dynamics together faster than you would do it otherwise.
If you want to work on it on your own, the first place to start is to identify exactly how toxic your relationship is. I recommend starting with this article on toxic traits of a relationship. And then I recommend you start educating yourself on what a healthy relationship looks like, what healthy communication looks like in a relationship and what you can do to improve the quality of your relationship.
And lastly, if you feel your partner is making no attempt to address the controlling behavior, then you should seriously consider ending the relationship.
6. Abuse In Relationships (Including Narcissism)
A lot of people in an abusive relationship hope that relationship counseling or marriage counseling can save their relationship.
And I agree that marriage counseling can save your relationship, if the abuser makes an active choice to acknowledge their issues and work on it.
No one is born with a malicious intent to emotionally or mentally abuse their partner. We are all mostly a product of our upbringing. And the reasons they are that way is because they probably went through some sort of trauma themselves.
But remember this – All feelings are valid but not all behavior is justified.
They may feel insecure, angry, frustrated, or helpless; but it doesn’t give them the right to abuse their partner emotionally or physically.
However, if the abuser is willing to go to couples counseling, then it is a good sign and they may be open to fixing things.
How relationship counseling can help?
Relationship counseling can help the victim of abuse a safe space to talk about the issues in the relationship. But if the abuser still has control over the victim, they may be hesitant to speak up about the things that really bother them.
What should you do?
If you are in an abusive relationship, you should get help as soon as possible. If your abuser is willing to go to couples counseling, that’s a really good sign. But it’s paramount that you also go to individual therapy or join some sort of support group for people similar to you.
In addition, it helps a lot to educate yourself of different types of abuse. The most common ones I come across are –
Narcissistic Abuse Cycle – A recurring pattern where a narcissist alternates between idealizing, devaluing, and discarding a victim, keeping them emotionally trapped through manipulation and control.
Emotional Abuse – Non-physical tactics such as gaslighting, humiliation, silent treatment, and constant criticism, aimed at undermining a person’s self-esteem and sense of reality.
Physical Abuse – The use of physical force—such as hitting, pushing, restraining, or other acts—to cause harm, instill fear, and maintain dominance over a victim.
7. Financial Issues
“Since he quit his job to be a full time Dad, he became extremely weird with money. He would obsess over not leaving any leftovers and make sure that we would finish the mayo jar before throwing it out. If any item was expiring soon, he would make us all eat it.
It created a weird dynamic between us since my career was taking off and we both came to this decision together. But clearly something was off and we needed to talk about it in a safe space.”
Grace and her husband decided that she would focus on her career while he would take care of the kids. But it led to a weird dynamic in the relationship where he felt like he needed to control every bit of household finance.
Financial issues in a relationship are mostly there because different people have different relationships with money. For some, money is the key to happiness while others only see money as something they can use to buy time.
How does couples counseling help?
Relationship counseling can help you both understand your relationship with money and how it is affecting your relationship dynamics.
A counselor will also teach you both how to talk about money with each other without triggering each other or shutting down.
In addition, a counselor can help you both get to the root cause of the issue and make sure none of the partners feels controlled because of money.
In Grace’s case, she found out that her husband was not truly happy with the decision and he felt that he was forced into it. She said,
“He said he felt he had no choice but to quit his job for the family. Since I was making so much more money than him, it made sense. He was torn between working a job he loves and spending time with the kids.
He said he felt like I coerced him into making this decision. And it brought up a lot of other issues in our relationship. We are continuing therapy and trying to come up with a plan moving forward. But I am glad all this is out in the open instead of just in his mind.”
What can you do on your own?
The first thing you can do is create a budget and talk about what you both need in terms of finances. If one of you has a bad relationship with money, talk about it and educate yourself on finance. I highly recommend the book The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel to understand how we relate to money and how it affects your life.
And lastly, communicate and respect each other’s differences when it comes to money.
8. Sex Issues
“Our marriage became almost sexless because of my depression medication. I had always suffered from body issues and with the decrease in my libido, I just didn’t feel like having sex. My husband was always supportive but I could see he was frustrated with the lack of sex. This is what led us to couples sex therapy”, says Mandy, one of our old readers.
Sex issues in an otherwise healthy relationship can often be attributed to different libidos, shame, or self-esteem issues. In addition, not being able to communicate openly and freely about sex can also lead people to feel sexually suppressed in a relationship.
How does sex couples therapy help?
Again, it helps you create a safe space where both of you can talk about sex without shame, fear or guilt. It will help you both comprehend that communication is the key to a good sex life. And the more openly you talk about it, the easier it will be for your partner to satisfy your needs.
And as you go deeper, you will learn more about the root causes that are causing you both to drift apart sexually. In the case of Mandy, it was low self-esteem of her husband and her not being comfortable with her body.
“We had a pretty good marriage before. But after couples sex therapy, things became great. We are both on the same page about sex and we really enjoy our time together. We found a sweet middle ground where we have really good quality sex about once every two weeks. My husband is much more open about his needs and is much more confident in himself. And I am also much more comfortable with my own body.”
Can you do without sex couples therapy?
If you can both learn to communicate with each other openly and honestly about the situation, then you can probably overcome this hurdle in your relationship. But if there are deeper issues leading to the lack of a healthy sex life such as communication issues, low self-esteem issues, shame associated with sex, fear of judgement etc., then it’s much easier to tackle this with the help of a sex couples therapist.
I would be amiss if I didn’t mention my friend Heather Shannon M.D. who is an excellent sex therapist and could help you a lot if you want to improve the sex life in your relationship. So look her up and tell her Kevin Thompson recommended her.
And if you do want to do it on your own, here are some tips –
- Have Honest, Non-Blaming Conversations – Talk openly about needs, desires, and frustrations in a calm, judgment-free way.
- Rebuild Emotional Intimacy First – Spend quality time, show affection, and strengthen trust before focusing solely on sexual activity.
- Experiment and Explore Together – Try new activities, settings, or approaches that feel safe and exciting for both partners.
- Address Contributing Lifestyle Factors – Improve sleep, manage stress, and focus on physical health, as these directly affect sexual desire.
- Create Regular “Connection Rituals” – Schedule time for physical closeness (not always sexual) to keep intimacy alive consistently.
9. Family and In-Laws Tension
Sometimes, dysfunctional families can interfere with a relationship and it becomes difficult for some people to prioritize their romantic relationships over their family.
Things such as culture, undefined boundaries, overprotective parents, and unresolved family trauma can interfere with a relationship and can often even lead to a breakup.
A couples counselor can help you both navigate through it and learn to thrive in your relationship despite interference from family.
How relationship counseling can help?
It helps by simply allowing you both to talk about the issues in a safe space with the guidance of an experienced counselor. In addition, the counselor can help you give insight into your family dynamics and help you see things from a new lens which you otherwise could not.
In most cases, you don’t need to choose between your marriage or your family. You can learn to manage both together if you set clear and healthy boundaries and set your priorities straight.
What can you do on your own?
As always, communicate more effectively. Try your best to understand each other and respect each other’s family. But also, understand your own needs and expectations from this relationship.
If you want to go deeper into family dynamics, consider looking into family systems by Jerry Wise to understand how families function and how you can improve them.
FAQs
What is this website and why should I trust you guys?
Ex Back Permanently has been a go to breakup advice website for more than 13 years now. It helps by giving accurate and helpful information for people going through breakups or a tough time in their life.
I know the phrase “ex back permanently” can put you off. But I assure you the advice on this website is based on healthy psychology and has been reviewed by licensed mental health care professional. In essence, this website is about empowering people through helpful and motivational articles on life, breakups and love.
Why is a breakup website writing about relationship counseling?
A lot of people can prevent a bad breakup or divorce if they get relationship counseling at the right time. In addition, a lot of people need relationship counseling after getting back together with their ex. Our readers who need more information about relationship counseling can find such articles very informative.
Where do you get this information and stories of people?
We’ve had more than a million email subscribers over the past decade. A lot of them have been generous enough to share their life stories and experiences with relationship counseling. In addition, a lot of people also post stories on our free forums that we use to enrich our articles with real life experiences.
