The guy you are dating seems just too good to be true. He is charming, confident, and it feels like he is really into you.
But something feels off. Maybe it’s the way he always keeps his phone upside down. Or maybe you caught him checking out some other girl from the side of his eyes.
And that got you thinking. Is he a player? Or is he genuine? Is he really into you or is he playing you?
Well, you’ve come to the right place. Because in this article, we will talk about the signs that mean he is a player and we will tell you exactly what you should do if you find out he is one.
But before we do that, let’s first define a player when it comes to dating.
What is a player?
A player is a guy or a girl who plays games to get what he or she wants from another person.
In dating, a player may manipulate you to have sex with you. Or they may date you casually while giving you the impression that they want a serious relationship. They may give you false hope that they will want a relationship some day and keep dragging you along just so they can get what they want.
In a nutshell, a player is dishonest. They manipulate you to get what they want. And as a result, you may find yourself feeling disrespected, used, or maybe even heartbroken over someone who was never even honest with you.
A player is called a player because he has played the game enough time to be experienced at it. And as a result, he will be very good at hiding his true intentions.
How to Spot a Player?
The easiest way to spot a player is by giving the relationship time and being brutally honest about what you want.
If you want a casual relationship, let your partner know. If you want something serious, let him know upfront.
If he wants something different than you, he will probably be honest about it. In most cases, a guy will tell you honestly about keeping things casual if you tell him that you are looking for a commitment.
If he is honest, and you both different things from a relationship, then you should end things with him and find someone else.
But a player might lie about their true intentions just to keep sleeping with you.
Even if they lie, they won’t be able to keep the façade for a long time. As you spend more time together, you will figure out he is lying about his true intentions one way or another.
If you want a serious relationship with a guy you suspect to be a player, the best way to handle it is to take the relationship slow. Don’t jump into bed after a couple of dates.
Get to know each other and spend some quality time together instead of getting sexual too soon. Let him know what you expect from the relationship before sleeping with him. Set realistic expectations and communicate clearly from the start.
In addition, here are a few signs that may mean he is a player.
1. His Actions Consistently Make You Feel Like He is Hiding Something
When you first start dating a man, you don’t trust him blindly. You keep an eye out for questionable behaviors. As time goes by, you start trusting each other more and more.
But if you are dating a player, that level of trust never really develops. You still get more and more attached to him, but you never truly trust him.
When you are dating a player, they always show signs that make you feel like they are hiding something.
The fact that you are reading this article means that you don’t fully trust the person you are dating. And that, in itself, is a big sign that you are dating a player.
Small actions that may have made you feel like he is hiding something include,
- Always hiding his phone when messaging someone
- Never really introducing you to his friends or family
- Being hot and cold without any reason
- There are discrepancies in his stories (that means he is lying about something)
2. They Always Have an Excuse for Things That May Upset You
Players are good at handling crisis. They know exactly what to say to calm you down and get their way (usually sex).
For example, if you run into one of his ex-girlfriends and you are upset why he never told you about her, he will have a convenient excuse for hiding that. One of the most common used excuse for this situation is, “that wasn’t really a serious relationship. So, I never thought of mentioning it.”
In some cases, if he is unable to calm you down and get what he wants, he will either get angry and/or punish you by doing things that he knows will hurt you. For example, he will turn cold and ignore you for a few days just to punish you and regain the power in the relationship.
On the other hand, if he is not a player/manipulative, he will genuinely try to fix the problem and understand you by communicating honestly.
3. You didn’t expect to feel sexually attracted to him so soon
Players who are in the game only to have sex with as many women as possible are very good at building sexual tension when they see a girl. Their main goal is to sleep with a girl as soon as possible.
When you met him, you may have only been slightly interested in him. But as you spoke to him, you probably started feeling a lot of sexual tension and attraction. This is because he is experienced with saying the right things and flirting in just the right way to make you feel sexually attracted to him. It’s because he is smooth and he has the confidence that most girls find really attractive.
Players often use tactics such as negging which is a backhanded compliment that makes you feel a little bit insecure about yourself. As a result, you look to him for approval and find yourself wanting to do things to please him.
4. He Uses Vague Language or Deflects Whenever You Talk About The Relationship
A player will try his best to avoid having an honest conversation whenever you try to have “the talk”. He may answer you with vague language or he may just deflect the conversation altogether.
For example, he may something like, “I am not sure what I want. Can we just take things as they come?”
Or he may say something to postpone the conversation, like
“I’ve had a busy day at work, can we talk about this next week?”
5. He Won’t Say the L Word
A player will usually be afraid to tell you that he loves you. Saying that he loves you shows a type of commitment and players are afraid of any type of commitment.
On the other hand, an inexperienced player may say “I love you” way too soon in the relationship just to sleep with you.
If you have been in a relationship for a while and you feel that you love this guy, you should tell him that you love him. If he doesn’t say it back, he will at least explain why he isn’t saying it yet. If he just ignores the “L” word and just responds with something irrelevant like, “You are beautiful”, then he is probably playing you and you are better off ending things with him.
How to Know If He Is Genuinely Confused?
Sometimes, you may come across a man who is genuinely confused about wanting a serious relationship. As opposed to a player, such a man will be honest about his confusion and the reasons for his confusion.
Someone who is genuinely confused will have a genuine reason for being confused.
For example, he may have just come out of a long relationship, or he may have had a bad childhood, or he may be financially unstable right now.
On the other hand, a player will usually give vague reasoning for his confusion. He won’t be able to explain why he is confused and what can be done to clear up the confusion.
In addition, a genuine guy will be making a constant effort in his life to change the things that’s causing him confusion or change the things that are stopping him from committing.
For example, if he is not financially stable, a genuine guy will probably work extra hard to become financially stable so he can commit to you. Or if he had a bad childhood, he would be getting therapy or professional help so he can become confident enough to commit to you.
But a player will just keep on giving you excuses while not taking any concrete action to make a change. For example, a player might tell you that he is depressed but he will not go to therapy even if you tell him to. He may complain that he is too busy at work to think about a real relationship, but he will not have any concrete plans to change his jobs or get more time off from his job.
If you are seeing someone and you think he is a player, the first thing you should do is speak to him honestly about what you want in a relationship. In most cases, men will be honest with you about wanting to date casually.
But if he lies to you about wanting a serious relationship while secretly hoping to end things with you after having enough sex with you, then look for the above signs to find out if he is a player.
In addition, always be honest and clear about your expectations and intentions. Don’t play mind games with him and if he plays games with you, call him out on it and make it clear that you are not someone to play around with. Stand up for yourself and don’t let anyone disrespect you or take you for a fool.
When you are honest, strong and confident, he will either respect you for it and choose to stay with you; or he will leave you because he can’t play you. Either ways, you will be happy for standing up for yourself.